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Penny Michaels

Copyright 2016 by Penny Michaels

Smashwords Edition

Georgia Cooper

April 2009

I pick up the phone on the third ring, ignoring it in favor of finishing the case study I was reviewing. But when I see who it is I answer anxiously. "Caleb?"

"It's done. His parole came through." Caleb tells me, his voice sounding cold and flat.

I sigh and offer up a silent prayer of thanks. "When does he get out?"

"Tomorrow."

"I... I should come." I stammer uncertainly.

Caleb's quiet on the other end for a minute before he finally says, "No Georgia, you're the last person who should come. He's... gonna need some time."

"Which is why I need to see him. He needs to know that the people who cared about him still care about him." I argue vehemently before adding to myself, "He needs to know that I still care about him."

"The last time he saw you, you told him that he was dead weight tying you to a town that had nothing to offer you." Caleb states firmly.

I close my eyes as the harshness of my words rush back to me along with the look on his face when he heard them. "He knows that'd not how I felt. It was just a... a horrible, stupid misunderstanding. I wrote him all the time. He has to know how sorry I am."

"And I'm sure he appreciated it all, but this isn't about any of us. We all want to see him for ourselves and be sure he's okay, but he needs to just... acclimate. Wait a few weeks. Wait till after finals. Give him time to really come home." Caleb orders.

"Where's he staying?" I ask because I know that there's no point arguing with Caleb and, even as much as I want to disagree, I know he's probably right.

He goes silent and I fill in the blank. "Not with the Carpenters?"

"Mr. Carpenter vouched for him. He needs a place to stay with a support system, and he lived with the Carpenters longer than he lived anywhere else. And Jesse Carpenter is well respected."

"What about Avery?" I ask angrily.

"Avery has a new wife and a newer baby. He offered, but for whatever reason Hayden chose the Carpenters."

"Will you see him?" I ask, biting my lip to hold the trembling at bay.

Again he's silent and I finally press on.

"You're not going to be there either?" I question incredulously.

"I can't. He doesn't want me there. The last time I saw him he told me not to come back. And you can't be there because he needs to get better before he can see you. We've got to trust that he can handle it. We don't have any other options."

I hang up the phone and pick up my text book, but it's pointless. Suddenly I could care less about case studies and child welfare laws.

My mind is more than three years and nearly two hundred miles away in Grassland, Alabama – A town that's ten minutes from the coast, but a world away from the glitzy tourism of Gulf Shores. A town that only has two red lights but a 6A High School with a top-ranked state championship football team. A town that took a beautiful boy with long honey-brown hair and hazel eyes that, for all his tough exterior, could never hide what he was feeling and turned him from the boy my world revolved around into a football god.

September 2005

"So what d'ya say Coop? Wanna skip this test and take out the boat?" Hayden asks slinging his arm around my neck, his hand dangling precariously close to my boob.

We're walking through the halls of Grassland High School on a Wednesday morning and the energy is already alive around us. The halls and all the players' lockers are decked out in green and gold, courtesy of the Gator Babes, and all anyone can think about is the beginning of another season of Gator football.

"If you skip this test, you'll have an absence and Coach won't let you practice and then you can't play this week."

"If I take this test I'm gonna fail and get benched anyway." He says as if he couldn't care less. I know he cares plenty.

"You probably know more than you think you do." I argue irritably. Hayden is so much smarter than he allows himself to be. But I can tell by the look on his face that he's not kidding about this test.

"That depends. What class is it?"

I roll my eyes and throw up my hands in resignation. "It'll be multiple choice. Just watch my fingers. I've got your back."

He kisses me full on the lips, long and hard, just like he has since as soon as he hit puberty. For Hayden, there've never been any timid-awkward-which-way-do- the-noses-go kind of kisses. Once he realized he'd rather kiss me than pull my hair he's done it with complete confidence and it's never once occurred to me to deny him that or anything else for that matter that he might want.

"You're the best Coop."

"So I've been told." I say, walking ahead of him with my hips brazenly swaying in jeans that are so tight and so low everyone, including me, wonders how I keep from being suspended. The truth is that the assistant principal is a bit of a pervert who likes giving me the once – and twice or three times - over. He's disgusting, but that doesn't stop me from using it to my advantage.

He grabs me around the waist and kisses me again. "You better not have been told that by anyone but me." He teases.

I just laugh because we both know that we have a tendency to fight fire with fire, although generally speaking I don't follow through on my retaliation.

"Get a room you two." Caleb Sanders said, joining us in the hall, joined at the hand to Aimee Asher.

I hate Aimee. She's everything I'm not – petite, polished, prim, proper and rich with sleek golden blonde hair and luminous blue eyes. I'm tall with brown eyes that look eye-to-eye with Hayden and almost with Caleb. I have the kind of curves that everyone wants, but that make you look overtly-sexy no matter what you're wearing... not that I wear anything to detract from it. I learned early on that in, Grassland hips and boobs will get a girl a lot further than a 4.0 or 1860 on her SAT's. I have all four and I long for the day when the latter two will have more impact on my life than the former. But for the moment I wear skin tight low rise jeans and a skinny black halter with my long, unruly chocolate hair in a twist to expose miles of Coppertone-tanned back. Hayden can't keep his hands off me and I don't have to wonder if Aimee notices how Caleb's eyes roamed over me when he thinks she isn't looking. It's not conceited to know these things about yourself when you've considered it a curse since you realized that not everyone had them.

"You two make the rest of us feel so inferior." Aimee gushes in that oh-so-sweetsy-way she has that always makes me feel like the lowest form of human.

"Cal, you need to sit wide in front of Coop during this test, okay?" Hayden asks as we head toward history class.

"Really dude?" He says exasperatedly. Caleb might be the star quarterback with the million-dollar arm but he's still in National Honor Society and takes classes very seriously. He and I are in mostly honors and advanced classes while Hayden, and Aimee surprisingly enough, take the easiest they'll let them get away with, but this is economics – required for all seniors and only offered at the general level. "Georgia, why do you keep covering for him?"

I glare at him, mostly because I know he's right. "Lay off Caleb. I'm not the one who's entire future hangs in the balance if he's not there to hold that QB from Phenix City to under 300 yards."

"My future will never hang in the balance because of anything he's got to do." He says disgustedly, but we all know he'll take up as much space as possible in his desk so our teacher won't see me signaling the answers. We also knew that while he might ride Hayden on a daily basis, he'd fight to the death for him and vice versa.

Aimee looks on disapprovingly, but she leans up to give Caleb a quick kiss on the cheek before heading down the hall to her class. It's surprising to me that she never rats us out. Lord knows she thinks Hayden and I are far beneath her and Caleb, and questions why he's friends with us. But I guess at the end of the day Caleb would know exactly who was to blame. He might threaten Hayden with all manner of repercussions, but he'd never stand for his girlfriend hurting his best friend, even if he thinks she has wings and halo. I look at Hayden and sigh inwardly. When it comes to seeing only the best in the one you love, I'm no better than Caleb.

***

That night I walk out of the Fish Basket, where I waitress as many nights a week as they'll schedule me, and start toward my second – make that third, fourth or fifth – hand Toyota. But I'm not overly surprised when I hear a horn that plays Dixie honk to get my attention. I walk toward Hayden's beat up black truck and swing up on the running board to lean in the window.

"You wanna go somewhere?" He asks, though it's really not a question.

"I've got calculus homework to finish." I argue weakly, already making the mental adjustment that if I get up at 5:30 I can do my homework while Max is getting dressed and still be ready to drop my little brother off at the freshmen center and make it to class on time.

"Come on. We haven't been alone all week." He protests which translates to "we haven't had sex all week". He's terribly predictable, but then he cocks one of his eyebrows and gives me that lazy smile of his and there's really no longer a question of whether or not I'll go.

An hour and a half later we're sprawled together on the deck of his boat. It's just a little saltwater flat boat that his brother lets him use whenever he wants, but he's always happier on the water, even when we're still in the boat slip. I sigh contentedly despite myself. There are so many ways that Hayden has of upsetting me, but at the end of the day he's not only the one I love. He's my best friend and he has been for as long as I can remember.

"So are you coming to the game Friday night?" He asks expectantly.

I shake my head. "I got a chance to work the late shift. After the game is when all the good tippers show up."

He's silent, but I know he's disappointed. Personally, I hate football. But Hayden loves it and he's really good at it and as much as I hate it, I love watching him shine.

"You know I want to be there, but you also know I need the money."

He shrugs and the spell cast by the sweet moment we've been sharing is broken. He begins to disentangle himself from me so I have no choice but to follow him off the boat and back to his truck.

"When my shift ends maybe I can catch up with you guys wherever you're hanging out at." I offer lamely.

"Yeah cool. Whatever." He says disinterestedly. We hardly talk on the drive back to get my car from the restaurant, but just before we pull in he asks, "You won't get in trouble for being out so late?"

"Nah. Dad's working third shift right now. Max'll be mad, but he won't rat me out."

"Coach was talking about Max the other day. Says he'll have the state JV record in the 40 by the end of the season."

"Yeah well, growing up with dad he had to be fast." I say because there's no point pretending with Hayden that the truth is anything else.

"Did you have to work last night during Max's game?" He asks with all the petulance of a spoiled child.

"Max is my little brother. And it was a Tuesday so lighten up." I snap. "So how's it going with Avery?"

He shrugs. "So far it's okay. You know... as long as he keeps that 'man of the house' thing to a minimum. Some woman from DHR was at school the other day asking Mrs. Asher if I was coming to school and keeping my grades up. But I am... thanks to you... so I guess we're good at the moment. Mr. Carpenter stopped by practice to check on me the other day."

I nod, but don't respond because I know Hayden's relationship with his foster family is complicated at best and sometimes I'm pretty sure it's destructive.

"I guess I better go. I'll see you tomorrow?" I say, reaching for the door handle.

"Sure." He answers but then he grabs my hand and pulls me back into a long, uncommonly sweet kiss before whispering. "Love ya Coop."

He's been saying he loved me since long before I knew I should get googly over it, but lately he says it less... and usually only when he's trying to get me in the back of the truck. So, it shouldn't surprise me when my eyes fill with tears and my voice breaks as I mumble. "I love you too."

I get home to the trailer where I've lived all my life with my dad and brother. My mom left when Max was five and we've never heard from her. I get it that my dad isn't easy to live with... it's certainly not easy for Max and me. But I always have to wonder what kind of mother leaves her children with a man she herself can't live with? But after ten years on my own with Max, I can't say I ever miss her anymore.

Max is sitting on the sofa watching Late Night and eating scrambled eggs. At almost fifteen my little brother is already over 6 ft tall, a JV football star and a bit of a heartthrob among the freshmen set I know, but he's surprisingly sweet and unaffected by his fame. Although I can tell by the set of his shoulders when I walk in that he's angry.

"Who were you out with so late on a school night?" He asks sulkily.

"You know I was with Hayden so why are you asking?" I reply angrily because it irks me that my little brother disapproves of me staying with Hayden because he, and everyone else, thinks Hayden doesn't always treat me particularly well.

"What if I tell daddy?"

"Tell daddy. Like he cares. He thinks Hayden walks on water because he's an all-state linebacker with an all-important championship ring." I say with more of a sneer than I intended.

"Yeah. He resents the hell out of me for being a receiver. You want some eggs?" He asks, his demeanor softening and then he's my sweet little brother again.

"Nah, I think I'll just turn in. Don't stay up too much later." I tell him, with the disciplinary tone that comes natural after a decade of being his only real parent.

"I won't. Love you Gigi." He yells with his mouth full.

"Love you too." I repeat and I think about how easy some people are to love.

Caleb

"So did Hayden make it through the test without the three of you getting caught for cheating?" Aimee asks, tracing her fingers along my collar bone. We're in her parents' basement... where they never check on us. I vow that when we have daughters they'll never go into the basement alone with a boyfriend.

"Don't be like that Aimee. You know Hayden's had a tough time."

"I know." She says with feigned concern. "He has a hot girl friend who thinks he walks on water, a best friend who would take a bullet for him and enough talent to get a scholarship to any Division II program he'd choose to pursue. Not to mention the fact that he can raise an eyebrow and be in bed with any Gator Babe he wants."

Out in the real world Aimee is sweetness and light, but when it's just us she has a catty streak a mile wide; one of the many things I love about her.

I kiss her and say, "He also lost his mom to cancer, was abandoned by his father and was pulled away from his brother when he was barely out of preschool, and he's been bounced between a half a dozen foster homes. Trusting anything good is hard for him."

She nods but I know she doesn't fully agree with me, and the truth is I don't fully agree with me either. He's my best friend and I love him, but I get tired of watching him let the things that he's been through keep him from believing in the people who are there for him, especially Georgia. The three of us have always been inseparable and I can't pretend not to notice that his insecurity causes him to hurt her as much as he makes her happy.

I check my watch and start to stand, but Aimee hangs on. "Wait just a few minutes. I'm not ready for you to go."

"Come on baby. I've got nearly an hour drive home. I gotta go." I protest.

"You should just bring clothes and stay in our guest room on big game weeks. Mama and daddy wouldn't care."

I shrug and kiss her quickly before we stand up to go. She walks me out to my car and watches me as I leave. Once I'm on Co Rd 11 toward Hwy 90, I turn up the radio and step on the gas. My parents expect me in bed by 11:00, especially on a big game week like this one. It's our regular season opener and we're playing Phenix City, the only undefeated 7A School in the state. Even though it doesn't count toward our playoff standings we all know that when the reigning 7A Alabama state champions come to town to take on the reigning 6A Alabama state champions, every scout in the country will be there.

For my parents, there's only one option and always has been...LSU. And Hayden has his heart set on me going to Tuscaloosa so he can get cheap tickets to see his favorite team. At this stage in the game I have no loyalty. I want to go to the program that is going to get me the most yardage, the most TV time, and the fastest road to the NFL. It's all I've ever wanted since I was old enough to realize that I was the only boy on my south Mississippi peewee team that could pass the ball and actually hit what I was aiming for every time. That was the point when my dad started grooming me to be a quarterback. And then, the summer before sixth grade Dale Asher knocked on my parents' door and everything changed.

Suddenly I was starting 6th grade at a school in a different state from where I'd been born and raised. I was a good old fashioned ringer – scouted, recruited and practically paid for by the Grassland Gators Booster Club. As a QB it was the best opportunity possible... the chance to go from a 2A team with a mediocre record in South Mississippi, to the famed 6A Grassland Gator's and one of the winningest programs in the state of Alabama.

But for an eleven-year-old boy it was a nightmare. I had no friends and my mom and I would have to spend one night a week in the rental house my parents were "leasing" from Dale Asher. The rest of the time I would have to spend forty-five minutes a day in a car to catch a bus for another half hour ride to school and then the same trip home again after practice. I wouldn't be able to hang out with anyone from my new school because I lived too far away and I wouldn't be able to hang out with anyone from my old school because if anyone in Mississippi found out that my parents still farmed in Mississippi but sent their kid across the state line to play football, we would have been ruined and it could have hurt the Gators.

It was a terrifying time, but then on the first day the bus stopped in front of a big white house and church where a long-haired little boy I'd seen at practice – on the bench because he was half the size of everyone else –got on the bus and sat down in front of me. He turned around and talked over the seat to me about football and school. At the next stop, he was joined by a girl twice his height with an unruly brown ponytail and bigger boobs than any eleven or twelve-year-old girls I'd known in Mississippi. That was the first time I met Hayden Nichols and Georgia Cooper and from that day on they were my best friends.

As for Aimee, I met her later that same day in school. I knew immediately that she was the daughter of the man who'd brought me there so I was immediately suspicious. Even at eleven I knew that if I got hurt or just didn't pan out to be the star everyone expected me to be, he'd cut me loose without a second thought. But it didn't take long for me to develop s colossal crush on Aimee or for her to feel the same way about me. We didn't begin dating until 9th grade, but once we did it was like it was a foregone conclusion that we'd always be together... not that I minded. I couldn't imagine life without Aimee. But it still made me just the slightest bit uneasy when Dale joked that when he met me he'd known he was recruiting a QB, but he didn't know he was scouting his future son-in-law as well.

I pull up in front of my parent's house and I park my truck. Dale and the rest of the boosters have assured me that we were safe. Renting the house in Grassland and staying there once a week was enough of a technicality to keep this from being a recruitment violation and since Dale's wife is a teacher at the high school I guess I shouldn't worry. I hope they're right, but every time I look at the house I was born and raised in, I have to wonder if they really all know that this isn't just a game to me. They're gambling with my life.

The next morning, I open my locker and I'm not surprised to see Hayden lurking around.

"So?" He asks expectantly.

"So what?"

"D'ya get anything?"

"A plate of cow patty cookies." I answer with a small smile. My Gator Babe Dena is a sweetheart and one of the few who does it purely because she enjoys it and not in the hopes of landing a Grassland Gator. Her specialty is a boiled chocolate peanut butter oatmeal cookie that looks suspiciously like a something you'd avoid stepping on in a cow pasture but they taste incredible.

"Dude. They're my favorite. Hand 'em over." Hayden says grabbing for the plate but I smack him away.

"Get your own."

"Yeah it'd probably have strychnine in it if I did." He sulks.

"What'd ya do to Hannah?" I say without hesitation.

"Nothing..." He answers defensively before rolling his eyes. "I might have let her believe Coop and I were on the verge of being over."

"No cow patties for you." I state tucking the plate under my arm like a football.

"Well we were on the outs." He yells after me.

"You mean she wasn't wrapped around you like a pretzel so ..."

"Man you don't know anything. We aren't you and Aimee. Coop doesn't think the sun rises and sets in my Levi's. She calls it quits on me just as often as I do her." He defends himself.

I roll my eyes but I know he's telling the truth. If I had a dollar for every time I'd watched them fight until the point where I was sure I was gonna have to call the police, and then the next thing I'd know they'd be stuck together till the crack of dawn couldn't get between them. I remind myself that Hayden and Georgia's dysfunctional relationship is not my problem and I fold back the aluminum foil so he can have a cookie. He takes three.

Georgia

I walk in the office the next morning and I realize I'm shaking. I knock on the door and Mrs. Asher looks up with her easy smile and waves me in. When I first met her she looked so much like her daughter that I was immediately intimidated by her, but she's turned out to be a Godsend for me... one of the few faculty members who looks past my outward appearance and gives me credit for the brain I obviously have.

"Are you here for what I hope you're here for?" She says expectantly.

I take a deep breath and nod before handing her the Manilla envelope I've guarded with my life for weeks now. "Here it is. My application for early admission for Tulane."

She claps her hands excitedly and takes the application from me before I have time to chicken out again. "Georgia you have a 4.2 GPA and 1860 on your SAT's. Plus, your essay about a girl trying to grow up in a football town is compelling stuff. You're going to get in."

"Keep saying that and I'll take the application back. The only thing that scares me more than not getting in is getting in and then having to actually go to New Orleans and live out my dream." I say truthfully thinking about leaving home; about leaving Hayden. "I don't know who will take care of Max."

"Max will be a sophomore next year. He'll be here with me and I promise I will keep tabs on him and report regularly." She assures me before mentioning the elephant in the room. "So the big question is, what is Hayden saying about this?"

"Not much." I answer and then sigh. "Because he doesn't know I'm applying there."

"What does he know? I mean, you two have been together for a long time and you've been telling me for two years that this is the school you've wanted to go to since you were twelve. How does he not know this?"

I shake my head. "Hayden has serious abandonment issues. He lost his mom to cancer when he was three, his dad left him when he was five. His brother was only fourteen when their mom died so he had to go live with his dad which meant that he and Hayden completely lost touch with each other and Hayden was in three or four foster homes – always in trouble for fighting if you can imagine that – before he finally ended up with the Carpenters who... don't get me started on the Carpenters. And then Avery applied for guardianship but... he just has a problem accepting that sometimes people leave, even when they love you. Everyone he's ever counted on left him and he counts on me. I'm going to tell him when there's something to tell."

"Georgia, I'm not supposed to discuss students with other students but I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Hayden has no plans."

I immediately feel myself go on the defensive because Hayden is mine and no matter how mad I get at him; I will never stand by for anyone else to hurt him. I want to argue with her and tell her that Hayden does have plans. His plans are to get a job and have a life here at home. And while for the rest of us who dream of escaping Grassland that might sound tragic; for a little boy who's spent his whole life fighting to stay here, it makes perfect sense. But I don't say that. Instead I say what's expected of me. What we're all saying to Hayden because we all know it's what he should want. "There are Division II and III colleges that are interested in him if he'd just reciprocate a little bit. His grades aren't great but they're acceptable and he has 29 solo tackles, 12 for a loss of yards and 4 sacks. That's a career."

Mrs. Asher gives me a long look as she lets out a long whistle. "You sure know your stats for a girl who claims to hate football."

"When it comes to Hayden..." I say, unable to finish.

"I know sweetie." She says sympathetically. "You owe it to Hayden and yourself to have this conversation. Because the longer you wait to tell him, the more he's going to feel like you're abandoning him when the time comes."

I nod. "You're right. He just needs to get through this game. I know he doesn't care, but there will be a lot of scouts here. He needs to be at his best." I say, instantly realizing that I'm going to have to trade off my Friday night shift and be there for him.

I leave her office and walk to Hayden's locker, wrapping my arms around him from behind and kissing him below his ear. "Hmm, you smell like chocolate."

"Dena made cow patties. Coop wants a cookie, Cal."

Caleb offers me the plate and I eagerly take one, moaning with delight.

"Don't make that sound in public." Hayden teases, putting his arm around me as we start down the hall.

"How did Caleb end up with a Gator Babe who makes homemade cookies, but ever since you were a sophomore you've only had the sluts who want another Gator notch on their belt." I complain but don't ask him how many have actually gotten another notch on her belt because of him. We break up, on average, once a month for at least twenty-four hours. I'm not naïve enough to think that Hayden's passing those hours alone and pining after me, but I'm pretty sure if he was doing more than kissing he'd tell me. That's just Hayden.

Caleb gave me a sidelong look and said, "I love you Georgia, but do you really want to pull at that thread?"

I laugh and agree that I probably should leave that alone which gives Hayden the chance to act offended and accuse his best friend and his girl of ganging up against him. "You could solve all of these issues by just being my Gator Babe yourself?" He teases, but I know he's at least a little serious. I could do it. You have to be a junior or a senior and you can't be a cheerleader or majorette so I'm eligible. But somehow I feel that too much of my life already revolves around stroking Hayden's ego and while I know on some level he needs it stroked, on others he has ego to spare. I think not being his Gator Babe is necessary for my self-preservation. And of course, neither of us could stand for me to be someone else's Gator Babe.

"Georgia, I'm leaving this problem in your capable hands. I've gotta finish some homework in independent study. Let's all do something tonight after the bon fire?"

We agree and watch him leave before I turn to Hayden, "So I've decided that since this is your last season opener, I'm gonna get someone to pick up my shift so I can see you play."

He grins wide at me and I recognize it's his genuine smile and not the smile he gives when he wants something. "You're a pretty great girlfriend, you know that?"

"Well my boyfriend seems to like me okay." I say with a shrug of my shoulders, but inside I'm smiling all over myself.

"Hmmm, I think he likes you a lot." He says, pulling me into an open doorway. "As a matter of fact I think he more than likes you."

"I think he better." I say as his lips find my neck and I wish that it could always be like this; just us in love with no lingering traces of the past or looming fears of the future. But I know that football is the biggest thing in this state and Gator football is the biggest thing in this town and Caleb is the biggest thing in Gator football. I just wonder how long it will be before that wave of insanity that's been following Caleb since he was a freshman will somehow sweep us into its wake.

Aimee

There are two times in my life when I'm truly deeply happy. One is when I'm with Caleb... just with Caleb. The other is anytime I'm twirling with the big Green & Gold Gator Marching Band. My mama was a majorette; my two older sisters were majorettes and this year I'm majorette captain. And as I toss my baton, spin twice and catch it, I know what it feels like to really shine.

After the bon fire I immediately find Caleb and run into his waiting arms.

"You were amazing baby." He says and he's so strong and beautiful and successful that I still can't believe he's mine, even after all these years together.

"You were great. I love when you get the crowd all fired up. I wanna go out there tomorrow night and kick some Phenix City butt myself." I tease.

"Hey you know I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley." He says, his clear blue eyes dancing and his smile always easy and relaxed. Since he was a sophomore, scouts have been talking about him; talking to coach about him. Last year the day that he was eligible for communication from recruiters he was inundated with letters of interest. But this year the hype surrounding him is overwhelming. Birmingham, Huntsville, Pensacola and Jackson news stations are always at practice. He's got to give a verbal agreement soon, but as far as I know he's still batting around a few options. Everyone wants Alabama because they win the most national titles, but I have my fingers crossed for Auburn because they have a better history of making stars and stars go first in the NFL draft. I'm a basket case with all this attention, and I desperately want him to make a decision so it'll be settled, but he's been as calm and sure as he is about everything. That's one of the many things I love about Caleb is that no matter what, he's always strong, steady and in control.

As we walk we approach Hayden and Georgia. Georgia is wearing one of Hayden's old jerseys – cut up so that the shoulders are tied up, putting his gold number 77 right across her boobs, and then cropped off right below it to reveal many inches of flat, tanned stomach before reaching the top of her button fly denim short shorts worn with cowboy boots. The boots have just the slightest bit of heel that makes her taller than Hayden, but since they're currently joined at the face... and everywhere else, it obviously doesn't bother him. Hayden was a late bloomer so it took him until ninth grade to even catch up to Georgia in flats so I guess it isn't a problem for him. I've never understood how someone as open and loving as Caleb ended up with this dark, brooding couple as his best friends.

"So let's go with Hayden and Georgia down to the bay. Everyone will be there."

"Sure." I say with a bright smile but I hate going places with them. Hayden just irritates me because he's such a waste... he wastes his talent, his friendships and his opportunities. But Georgia I hate. It's not just because she's tall and sexy and Caleb has never been able to hide the fact that he checks her out every chance he gets. But she's brilliant. She'll probably be valedictorian while working part-time and basically raising her little brother, not to mention her consuming relationship with Hayden... sexy braniac from the wrong side of town... it would be an embarrassing cliché if I wasn't so jealous.

But more than I hate either of them, I hate them as a couple. First because they're the couple everyone wants to be in. All the Gator Babes try to break them up... And I guess I get it. My Caleb is 6'1" with close cropped, dark hair, sparkling blue eyes and straight, even teeth with classic good looks. But Hayden is bad boy hot. He's only 5'11" but he's long lean muscles from head to toe and built like a tank with massive shoulders, arms and hands. They say when he tackles you, you feel it for days. His honey brown hair hangs to his shoulders and usually looks like he's just whipped off a helmet or at least been riding with the top down. His baby-face is a startlingly beautiful contrast to his rugged body and personality, but it's his hazel eyes that hide nothing that make him fairly lethal... if you're interested in that type, that is. That combined with the fact that he and Georgia regularly set-off the smoke alarms just saying good morning at their lockers makes it relatively easy to understand why everyone wants in on that relationship.

But even more than that, they're the couple that you somehow know no one will ever break up. Sure, they fight... I'm not talking about normal fights. They fight dirty and go for the jugular. Georgia calls him a selfish ass and rides off in the lap of a running back. He tells her she's an unfaithful bitch and sticks his tongue down the throat of the nearest Gator Babe. And just when everyone thinks this is it, this time it's going to stick; they walk in a room, and she looks over her shoulder and grins at him or he looks at her and undresses her with his eyes in the space of 30 seconds, and before you can say "get a room" they're wrapped around each other like kudzu on power lines.

And through it all, it's not because he's hot and she's walking sex... it's because they're best friends. All the sex is just a byproduct of the fact that they've literally grown up with each other. When he needed help with homework or someone to go over the playbook with, he went to Georgia. When she was about to fail drivers-education because she couldn't master a stick shift Hayden was her man. So, when they hit puberty and hormones were raging, and neither of them had parents to tell them any different, it makes sense that they'd go to one another for that too.

Hayden and Georgia – as a unit – are unshakeable. Wherever they go or whatever they become, they'll find their way home to one another. Nothing will come between them. I look at Caleb, and I love him more than anything. I can't bring myself to imagine a future without him in it. And I have no doubt in my mind that he shares my feelings... but I can't help feeling that we're somehow fragile; if anything went wrong... if in any way we deviate from the future that we've so meticulously planned together; we won't make it. That thought terrifies me and the realization that Hayden and Georgia will never have to worry about such a thing makes me hate them all the more.

We end up at Evan Kirk's house... he's a tight-end who contributes little to the team, but he has a house right on the bay and his parents never say anything about people partying there all the time so he's still part of the in-crowd.

Everyone's drinking and dancing and making out. I'm far from a prude, but I never know what to do in these situations. Caleb is the center of attention... everyone hanging on his every word as he talks up his plans for the game. Hayden and Georgia are probably having sex three feet away from me in the bed of his truck...I can't tell whose arms and legs belong to whom. Meanwhile, I sit and smile and look impressed. Not that I'm not impressed with Caleb... I just don't like feeling left out and when it comes to his friends I'm always on the outside looking in. Which is crazy because if it wasn't for my dad Caleb wouldn't even be here... none of these people would know he existed and he wouldn't know any of them.

Georgia

It's late... passed midnight. Hayden's been drinking a lot and I know he's not in any shape to drive home, and Caleb's been talking a lot and I know he's going to get his butt kicked when he gets home. I'm tired, but I've had fun. Everyone is relaxed and laughing and no one is talking about recruiters or college essays or anything. We're just all being friends like we have been since we were kids. Hayden is sitting on the back of his truck, and I'm behind him with my arms around his waist. A few minutes ago, he laid his head back against my shoulder and turned his face in to kiss my neck, but then he just stayed there so it's entirely possible he's passed out. But he's being sweet and I feel guilty for not telling him about Tulane so I decide just to go with it for the moment. But all good things must come to an end so finally I lean over to Aimee, who's sitting in a lawn chair beside the truck and I tap her on the arm. "Hey, don't you think it's time Joe Montana there wraps it up?"

She nods and I can tell she's long passed ready to go. "I think your boy there might be asleep." She adds.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure I feel some drool on my neck." I tease and for a minute I forget that we don't like each other and we're just two girls who've known each other since pre-school whose boyfriends are best friends. But then she ruins it by giving Hayden that look of pure condescension, and I know it extends to me whether she's giving it to me now or not. She brings out the worst in me, so I wrap my hand through Hayden's long hair and pull his head back and kiss him with an open mouth and plenty of tongue. It's enough to wake him, clearly aroused, from a sound sleep.

"Hmmm, wake up sleeping beauty. Time to get you home." I say huskily against his mouth. He leans in to me again but I pull away and hop off the tailgate instead.

She's giving me that look that says she thinks Hayden and I are nothing but white-trash-over-sexed-scum. She's such a hypocrite because I know for a fact... or almost a fact... that she and Caleb have been having sex since tenth grade and that's just a year after us and we've been together forever. And while we both talk a good game; I've only ever been with Hayden and if he's been with anyone else I don't know about it and discretion is not one of Hayden's strong points.

But all of that's irrelevant. I'm a slut and she's a sweetheart. It was decided at birth when her parents brought her home from the hospital to a big brick house on Des Rousseaux Court and mine brought me home to a doublewide trailer.

"Come on QB, your captive audience all have school tomorrow and you have an hour drive home." I say, nudging Caleb and bringing him up short. He laughs and gives me a side hug and I can feel Aimee's desire to rip off my head.

He helps me pour Hayden into the front seat of the truck. "You need us to follow you to Hayden's place and take you back to school to get your car?"

"Nah." I answer. I know Avery's working the night shift at the hospital right now and I know Max is already in bed so I figure I'll just stay with Hayden, not that I volunteer that information to Caleb and Aimee. "I'll figure out something. You've got a long drive home. Be careful."

"You too. See you tomorrow."

"Eat 'em up Gators." I yell as everyone starts to drive away and I hear several more, "Eat 'em up's" yelled out around me. I might not be the biggest football fan, but when it comes to Hayden, Caleb and their team, no one wants it more than me.

***

Call me a fangirl, but I love watching Hayden play. Sometimes I get scared when he takes a big hit and is a little slow to get up, but mostly it's a total rush to watch him take down these running backs. Growing up Hayden was always the smallest kid on the team and pretty fast so the coaches always wanted him on offense, but he only seemed to excel at defense. I know it's the main reason there's not more interest in him from colleges... sure he gets the job done better than anyone in the state, but recruiters want a typical lineman – 6'2" and 215 lbs. not 5'11", 180 lbs. and a chip on his shoulder.

Phenix City has a fullback who had Hayden's number all through the first half and as a result we allowed two TD's, but since the half he's made some adjustments and we've kept them out of the red zone and forced three turnovers. Part of that impressive feat is thanks to Hayden getting a sack and two tackles for loss of yardage. We're deep into the 4th quarter and still down 14 to 10, but the Gators have the ball and Caleb looks ready to make something happen.

We aren't favored to win this game against a 7A team, despite the hype surrounding Caleb, but if we do the season is going to explode and the hype is going to explode with it.

With a little over a minute left on the clock Caleb drops back and fires a pass to one of our receivers and it's caught on the 23-yard line. He takes off and scores with little opposition. The extra point is good, the score is now 17-14 Gator, sand Hayden's back on the field with just under 40 seconds to go.

"It's all up to your boy." Max says, sliding into the bleachers beside me wearing his Gator jersey and jeans. All the freshmen and junior high girls around me go into full-on-flirt-mode when he joins me.

"He can handle it." I say confidently although my insides are like mush.

"So I won't be home tonight either... in case you were planning on coming home... you know since you didn't last night." He says, as Phenix City calls their last time out.

"I was home in time to get you to school this morning so get off my back." I argue, trying to ignore him as I look at Hayden and offer up a variety of prayers. I'm not 100% sure that God cares about football, but I'm certain he cares about Hayden and Hayden needs this win. "Where are you going tonight?"

"We're camping at Smith's house. I won't be home till Sunday afternoon."

"And dad worked off this morning at 8am and doesn't go back till Sunday night. That's convenient." I reply, but I'm glad that Max won't be there. Dad doesn't care if we're there or not as long as we don't bother him. I'm good at being quiet but at fifteen Max's legs are too long, his steps too heavy and his hands too big. He just can't seem to stay under the radar.

He grins and I hug him impulsively, then I see a pretty blonde 8th grader out of the corner of my eye actually fan herself with glee or envy... I'm not sure which. "Have fun and be careful."

"You too. And don't worry. Your boy's got this." He says taking off to go meet up with his friends. It occurs to me that when Hayden and I were his age we had already been together since forever and officially a couple since that summer. I'm thankful that Max hasn't met anyone yet. As much as I love Hayden, I often wish we'd met when we were older and a little better equipped to handle a relationship that's always seemed bigger than us.

Time out ends and the ball is snapped. Hayden goes straight for the line, eludes a block from the big fullback and turns past the offensive lineman watching the QB pitch the ball to the running back. He then pitches to the fullback and the fullback has some running room. Hayden turns, runs and hits him in mid stride taking him down after a gain of only 2 yards. The offense hurries to reset as the clock continues to run and again the ball is snapped. The quarterback drops back, pulls back to fire a pass and Hayden and the tight end come at him from both sides for the sack. The clock runs out and the Gators win!

I'm screaming so loud I can't hear myself think, but the roar of the crowd around me drowns out everything. Everyone runs out toward the field, so I do too and then Hayden tackles me, grinning like a fool.

"Not bad 77." I say, throwing my arms around him.

"Now tell me you wouldn't have hated to hear that on the radio?" He says, lifting me off the ground.

"I must say I'm glad I was here in person for that."

He kisses me and then runs off for the field house so I walk that way along with some of the other girlfriends. After several minutes, Aimee joins us, out of her green and gold sequins and in a dress that looks like she needs pearls and a vacuum cleaner to complete her Donna Reed ensemble. I'm wearing jeans and a number77 Gator tee shirt that I confiscated from Hayden one night. Of course, it wouldn't matter what I had on because I always manage to feel underdressed around Aimee.

We all stand around making chit chat. Most of these girls have traveled in the same circle as me since elementary school but I wouldn't call them my friends. But for the first time I watch Aimee and I realize that she's in much the same situation. Finally, the doors open, the team charges out and in some sort of whirl that I'm still not clear on, Hayden kisses me quickly, says something about players only and they all pile into trucks and take off with all of us girlfriends watching after them in stunned silence.

Aimee

"Did that really just happen?" I ask to no one in particular, but I make eye contact with Georgia. Even though we're not close friends we're frequently together because of Caleb and Hayden so people often assume we're better friends than we are.

Georgia looks at me and for once her tough girl exterior slips and she's clearly as mystified as me. "I think we just got ditched."

"You've got to be kidding me! My stomach has been in knots for four solid quarters! When he threw that last pass, I thought I was seriously going to puke! And for what? So, he can come out here afterwards and blow me off to go out for a guys' night? You've got to be kidding me!"

Georgia laughs ruefully and nods at me. "I know. Hayden thinks I get mad about all his antics with the Gator Babes, but he only does that crap to make me jealous. No, it's stuff like this. I gave up a Friday night shift to be here tonight. He knows how much I needed that money, but he threw this epic guilt trip on me and even tried to make me feel bad for going to see my brother play instead of him. Then he just leaves me standing here in the parking lot like I should know my place."

"Well to hell with that." I say with a whole lot more swagger than I feel. I never say things like that and usually I sound stupid, but the moment seems to call for it and Georgia nods her agreement so I feel good about it. "Do you want to get something to eat?" I ask impulsively.

Georgia appears to ponder this. I worry that she's about to reject me and I'll feel so stupid, but then she smiles and says. "You wanna know the best thing about working at The Fish Basket? I get a piece of the best coconut cream pie in Alabama for myself and a guest every week. You in?"

"Yes!" I say excitedly clapping my hands.

"Okay settle down. It's just pie. Not male strippers." She says with a bemused smile.

"Isn't this one of those times when you ride off with some other guy just to make him eat dirt?" I ask as we start walking.

She looks around the empty parking lot and says, "Who am I supposed to ride off with? All the guys are with him. Besides, that's only fun when it's one of his friends and I do it right in front of him. If he doesn't know about it, what's the point?"

Georgia drives and we talk easily about how much our boyfriends suck. We slide into the booth and Georgia tells one of her waitress friends about our unfortunate evening and she offers us oysters on the half shell, fried gulf coast shrimp and sweet tea on the house.

"Heck yeah." Georgia says, and now she's the one clapping her hands. "I'm starving. I was so nervous during the game that all I ate was a box of popcorn and some chicken-on-a-stick."

"Okay another reason to hate you." I say and then realize that wasn't exactly nice, but Georgia is laughing when she gives me a look that says she'd like an explanation now. "You eat all the time and you can eat like one of the guys and it doesn't bother you or Hayden... or any of the other guys for that matter and you never gain weight. I starve to death every day of my life and if I eat this food tonight, I'll have to run ten miles before breakfast or I won't make weight check for next week's game."

"Yeah, but you're tiny. I've got 9 inches of height on you and a good 30 or 35 lbs."

"Yeah, all in the boobs and hips." I say sarcastically.

"Trust me, they're not all they're cracked up to be." Georgia says with disdain. "I always envy you. You can date anyone because they're all taller than you. I mean, Hayden's a big guy, but he's eye-to-eye with me."

"Eye-to-eye, lip-to-lip and everything else. It clearly isn't a problem for him."

"No, no short guy complex for my Hayden. Hayden thinks it hot when I wear heels and I'm taller than him." She says, and it's obvious that even though she's mad at him, she adores him.

"He's not short." I argue.

She sighs. "They're all short to me. I remember our first school dance in 7th grade I only danced with Caleb because he was the only guy who was taller than me. Oh, Hayden was livid. I didn't think he'd ever get over that one."

"But he did. And you do. I mean, no matter how many times you break up and rub each other's noses in it, you're always able to work it out and get back together." I shrug and I know the envy I feel for them is palpable, but I'm a little drunk on disappointment, fried shrimp and girl bonding... all three being things I don't experience often. "You're the one who needs to let him have it about this whole boys' night tonight. You can get away with it."

"What are you talking about? Caleb thinks rainbows shoot straight off the tips of your fingers and toes. He'll grovel till the end of time if he knows you're upset. Hayden'll tell me to go jump in a lake and make out with a Gator Babe right in front of me."

"Yes, but then you'll crook your finger and he'll come after you with his tongue hanging out and that is exactly the point. Caleb thinks rainbows shoot off my fingers and toes because I'm always sweet and gracious and I tell him how wonderful he is and how much I love him and... you tell Hayden he's an ass every time you turn around and he can't keep his hands off you and he calls you a..."

"Okay I get your point. Look, Hayden and I are... a little co-dependent and dysfunctional. You and Caleb are the way it should be. God... I envy you because you're like normal high school love. Sometimes I think Hayden and I just take all the crap... his stuff with his parents and my stuff with my parents and our brothers and his foster families and me being the girl from the wrong side of town and we just ball it all up and turn it into this "us against the world" love affair that's probably not all that healthy."

"No." I argue, not realizing before that moment how much I need the Hayden and Georgia myth to be real. "That's not how it is at all. God, the way Hayden looks at you... I mean most of the time he's this tough cool guy but every once in a while, he drops his guard and he just looks at you and... every girl at least once in her life deserves to have a guy look at them the way Hayden looks at you."

"Aimee, Caleb looks at you like that all the time." She assures me. I want to believe her. Maybe I do.

Just about then, they set the plate of oysters down between us and I stare at them skeptically.

"You've never had raw oysters before?" Georgia asks.

I shake my head and don't answer out loud. I'm a little afraid that the many pounds of fried gulf coast shrimp I just ingested are not going to sit well as I stare at these slimy creatures in front of me.

"Okay, here's the first two things you need to know about raw oysters. First, there's no wishy-washy when it comes to oysters. Either you love them or hate them. Second, I work in a gulf coast sea food restaurant. Trust me when I tell you that guys think girls who eat oysters are super sexy." She explains, sprinkling one with a couple of drops of Louisiana hot sauce, then tipping back her head, holding the shell to her mouth and sucking it out. Then she moans, slams the shell face-down on the table like a shot glass and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. True to her word a table of guys across from us actually stop their conversation and all four turn around to watch her and I have to admit that the appeal is not lost on me.

One of them immediately approaches our table. "I couldn't help noticing, it's Friday night and you two lovely ladies are alone and drinking iced tea. Can we buy you girls some real drinks?"

I'm just about to smile and make a little flirty small talk when Georgia gives him a go-to-hell look and says. "No."

He tucks his tail between his legs and goes right back to his friends.

I suppress a laugh as she continues talking like it didn't even happen. "And another thing, for the record, I know you have to stay within weight limit for majorette, but trust me when I tell you that all guys love the way I eat. They figure if you have a healthy appetite for food it extends to all your appetites." She shrugs. "And Hayden can attest to the fact that it's true in my case. Okay, now it's your turn."

"Okay." I say nervously.

"No shaky hands. You've gotta commit to this." She orders me. "Eat the first one plain so you get the full appreciation of the flavor. Now, lean your head back, put the shell in your mouth and slurp it out. And make sure you swallow all the liquor... that's the oyster juice, but never call it oyster juice. Okay, you got this."

I do exactly what she says and I'm shocked by both the texture and flavor. It's less slimy and more chewy, but it's the almost sweet taste that surprises me. "That's actually good."

"I told you." She says, high fiving me over the table.

"I thought they'd be slimier and saltier." I say, as we both take another one off the plate.

"When it comes to oysters, you don't say salty – you say briny. The taste of oysters varies based on where you get them from. The Atlantic Ocean oysters are brinier, especially down off the Florida coast line. The north Pacific oysters are much milder and sweeter even than these. In the gulf coast, they grow like weeds and they start them out in an area of less salinity and then as they mature they relocate them so they never get that extra briny taste like the ones on the Atlantic Coast. That's what I love about oysters... when you eat them they don't taste like they taste because of how they were prepared. They taste the way they taste because it's where they came from. So, when you import oysters from Maine you're tasting the ocean off the coast of Maine... or wherever." She explains excitedly.

"How do you know all that?" I ask amazed.

She shrugs. "I don't know. My dad works in a sea food packing plant so I read a book on it and there you go. I guess I just like the idea of being transported somewhere else just by eating something."

"What do you mean? Grassland is our home."

"Oh God, you sound like Hayden." She says with a hint of disdain, but I think there's definitely some sadness underneath there.

"Well yeah. I mean, I'm leaving someday because Caleb is going to the NFL and I'll go wherever he goes, but you and Hayden are going to get married and I can't imagine Hayden living anywhere else besides here." I argue.

"You think Hayden and I will get married?" She says skeptically.

"You don't?" I ask amazed.

"I don't know. I mean... I love Hayden more than anything. The thought of leaving him, of not being with him... it makes me physically ill. But I'm gonna be valedictorian. I have a 4.2 GPA, 1860 on my SAT's and a 31 on my ACT. I'm going to college Aimee; I mean a good college, and I'm going to make something of myself. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life living in a trailer in Grassland raising a bunch of white trash kids."

"But... doesn't that scare you to death... to think about leaving him?" I ask, trying to imagine a life that doesn't include Caleb and just the thought makes me want to find him, tell him I forgive him for ditching me and that I love him and I never want to be apart from him.

"The only thing that scares me more than leaving Hayden is not leaving him and staying here and resenting him. I've loved him since I was too young to have any idea what it even meant. I couldn't stand to feel like he was the reason I didn't do whatever it is I want to do." She answers sadly.

I sigh and I feel overwhelmingly sad, which I hate because we've had such a good time up until now. They bring our pie and we continue to talk, but it's not like before. Gone is the easy comfortable banter that seemed to unite us in sisterhood and we're back to the girls who are thrown together because our boyfriends are best friends; we're back to being two different girls – one who's confident enough in her relationship to walk away from the love of her life and one who knows that if she ever stops holding on for dear life, everything she wants will fall apart.

"You're wrong." I finally say, unable to hold it back. "You might go to some fancy college and make something spectacular out of yourself, but the day will come when you'll realize that Hayden is more important than all of that, and then you'll come back to him and when you do, he will welcome you back with open arms."

She shakes her head doubtfully but smiles. "I hope you're right. God how I hope you're right."

About that time the waitress comes by and tells us even though we're eating for free, we've been there nearly three hours and if we stay any longer she's going to charge us rent on the booth. We start gathering our purses and heading for the door. Somewhere in the distance we hear sirens.

"That sounds bad." Georgia says as we start out.

A customer walking in stops and says, "Yeah, my brother drove by and saw it. He called the police."

"Oh no. What happened?" I ask.

"He couldn't tell, but a truck was flipped in a ditch. The passenger was trapped inside and the driver was still missing."

I watch Georgia's face go pale and I don't know why, as she asks. "What kind of truck?"

"I don't know. Big black one and the horn was stuck... playing Dixie."

And then I realize why she looks that way just as she whispers, "Hayden."

Hayden

My earliest memories in life are of being scared. I was scared when I saw my mom for the last time because no one should be that thin and bald and pale; because my older brother Avery was crying and I'd never seen him cry before; because I knew even at three-years-old that mom was going someplace I couldn't follow. I was scared every time my brother went to see his dad because I always was afraid he wouldn't come back and then after mom was gone he didn't. I was scared when it was just me and my dad because he was mean to me and then I was scared when they came and took me away because I didn't know where I was going to go. I was scared when I was in foster care because I was never sure if the nice ones were going to keep being nice and I was scared that they wouldn't like me and would want to get rid of me. I was scared because everyone was always bigger than me so I was always having to fight to defend myself which scared me too. I was scared when I went to live at the Carpenters because I knew they wanted to keep me and I wasn't sure why. And I was scared when I left because that was the only real home I'd ever had and because I used to trust Avery when he said he'd come back for me someday, but now I don't know if I can trust him anymore. I'm scared of Coop and how much I love her and what if she changes her mind about me someday. I'm scared of Caleb going to college and to the NFL because he's my best friend.

But I've never been as scared in my life as I was in those moments, hanging upside down in the truck waiting for someone to come; Knowing that Caleb had been thrown out; knowing that either or both of us might be severely injured; knowing that he could be dead and I might not be far behind; knowing the car could explode or a semi could come by and hit us again; all the disaster movies and medical dramas Coop has made me watch came back to me and in those moments... however many moments it was until I heard the ambulance coming... I imagined every terrible scenario I'd ever seen.

I was scared I was going to die and never see Coop again. I was scared that I'd never get back to even footing with Avery. I was scared that this was my fault and it might cost Caleb his future. I was scared that I'd never get to live long enough to stop being that little boy who was always scared of everything... mostly of being alone. I was scared that I would end up dying alone on this road in the only place I'd ever wanted to call home. I was scared that my truck was totaled and there was no way Avery and I could afford to fix it. I was scared that the last time I'd ever see Coop's face would be when she was mad at me. I was scared that she'd spend the rest of her life missing me and never be happy. I was scared that she might not really miss me at all.

But then the ambulance came and the next thing I knew I was laying on a stretcher on the side of the road. I wasn't hurting... not bad anyway. But I could move my arms and legs so that was good. They told me Caleb was unconscious, but alive. And then I saw Coop... and I was scared again that I was dead and just didn't realize it because she was so beautiful and she was crying and I couldn't figure out why I was here on the side of the road but she was with me.

And then...

"You did this! You did this to him!" It takes me a minute to realize that it's Aimee screaming and it's me she's screaming at. "You drunk idiot! You've ruined his life!" She screams as the police hold her back and they start carrying my stretcher toward the ambulance.

I think Coop might have slapped her and I love her for it, but Aimee is right. I am a drunk idiot and, if anything happens to Caleb, it's my fault.

And then Coop is beside me as they put me in the ambulance. "I'll meet you at the hospital. Caleb is alive and he'll be fine." She cries, squeezing my hand. "I called Avery. He's meeting us there too."

"I love you." I think I say it out loud, but I'm not sure.

"I know you weren't driving." She says, softly. "This wasn't your fault."

"I love you." I try again to say, but the doors closed and she's gone and I think I must have passed out.

I wake up and for a minute I can't remember where I am and why I'm there but then I feel Coop's fingers stroking my face and I know that wherever I am I'm okay.

"Do you know where you are and what happened?" She asks me softly.

I think for a minute and then answer. "Caleb and I flipped the truck. I guess I'm at the hospital."

"Good. Where does it hurt?" She asks leaning close to me.

I think about her question for a minute before I answer, "Everywhere... but don't worry about me. How's Cal?"

"Caleb is fine. Some broken bones and a dislocated shoulder, but he's fine. He's asking about you too."

I sigh and thank God that we're both okay and I reach for Coop's hand. "I love you."

She smiles with tears in her eyes and kisses my hand. "I love you too. They're keeping you overnight for observation in case you have a concussion. You have severely bruised ribs and a bruised torso from the seat belt. Thank God you were wearing it. Why wasn't Caleb wearing his?"

I sigh. "He was drunk... I mean I was drunk but he was obviously drunker than we realized. He was coming home to sleep it off at my house." I think about it for a minute. "Are we in trouble?"

"Avery has been talking to the police. You'll both be charged with underage drinking. And Caleb will get a DUI. But it's just a fine for you. His license will probably get suspended."

"Is Avery mad? Is this gonna mess things up for us?" I ask, just beginning to think of all the ways this could go bad.

"Don't think about any of that. The important thing is that you're alive." Coop assures me.

"But Avery..."

"Don't worry about Avery." Avery says from the doorway before walking inside to the other side of my bed. "Thank God you got your hard head from me."

Coop tries to pull away but I hold tightly to her hand. Avery might be my brother and my legal guardian at the moment but Coop is my family.

"Are Caleb's parents here?" I ask. The Sanders are good people who've always been good to me. I know they must be scared to death.

"Yeah, they're worried about you but I assured them you're too tough for this to slow you down."

I remember before I went in foster care, when Avery's dad would bring him to see me sometimes... he always tried so hard to sound like a grown up and talk to me like I was a kid. He was only fifteen or sixteen and I hadn't been a kid since mom died. Sometimes when he's nervous he still does it.

"On TV when they think you have a concussion you're not allowed to sleep. Please tell me that's not true because I'm so tired. I could sleep for days." I tell them.

"The doctor said to let you sleep. They're monitoring you." Coop explains.

I sigh with relief, feeling my eyes getting heavy already.

Coop takes a step away from me and says, "I need to go call Max and let him know you're okay. He's been texting me."

She starts to go but I pull her back, oblivious to my brother's presence and kiss her and then hold her face close to mine. "Will you stay here tonight?"

She nods, her eyes filled with tears and she blows a kiss before walking away.

"I think you did good there, little brother." Avery says when she walks away. I don't like him having an opinion about Coop, but I nod anyway and he continues. "She kind of reminds me of mom."

"Really?" I say skeptically.

"Well I mean, all that brown curly hair." He explains.

I shrug. "I only remember mom being bald."

I'm quiet for a moment before I say, "So tell me straight out... will they take me away from you because of this?"

"You're going to be eighteen in less than two months. The police aren't making a big deal out of it. It'll be a slap on the wrist at worst." He states confidently so I choose to believe he knows what he's talking about even if he doesn't.

"And Caleb, is he really okay?" I ask skeptically.

"Yeah, he's talking. He's gonna be fine. You can see him in the morning before you leave."

"Why isn't he leaving in the morning?" I ask suspiciously.

"He's got some broken bones and stuff." He answers evasively and again I realize that I don't trust him anymore.

"You work here. You know stuff. What aren't you telling me?" I press.

"I work in radiology. I can't diagnose this." He says, refusing to look me in the eye.

"What aren't you telling me?" I demand.

He looks at me and says, "Dude, think about it. Broken bones... he's out for at least six weeks, probably longer. You've only got nine more regular season games. How are the scouts who were supposed to give him these scholarships even gonna to see him?"

"They know what he's capable of." I argue angrily.

He nods and I know what he's not saying so I say it for him. "They know what he was capable of before a season ending injury."

"Yeah." He says softly.

"So we'll just have to get us to the playoffs so he can play and show 'em what he's got." I say confidently.

"Absolutely." Avery assures me, but I know he's playing the grown up to my kid again and that we're both wondering how in the hell we're supposed to get to the play-offs without Caleb.

"Thanks for coming down here." I say lamely because I don't know what else to say.

"Where else would I be? Great game, by the way. I thought I was going to throw up when they pitched to that big fullback, but you got it done. You did me proud."

I smile because I know Avery means what he's saying. He played tailback for Theodore HS where he grew up. They weren't much of a team, but I kept some of his news clippings and I know he was pretty good.

"I think I'm going to sleep." I say groggily.

"Okay."

"Don't let Coop leave. I don't want her driving home alone tonight."

My words sound thick even to my own ears, but he must have understood them because somewhere in the distance I hear him say, "Okay."

Avery

The door opens and Georgia returns just after Hayden has dropped off to sleep.

"I should probably leave." She says, looking at the one recliner beside the bed that I've left empty for her.

"Nope. Hayden said it was too late for you to drive home. I have instructions to keep you here." I explain, taking the straight back chair and motioning her to the recliner.

We're silent for a few minutes and then she says, "He's worried that you'll get in trouble for this and he'll have to leave; he'll have to go back to live with the Carpenters."

I'm not sure if she knows this because he told her or just because they seem like those people who know what the other one is thinking all the time.

"I wonder sometimes if he wouldn't rather be with them." I admit truthfully.

She shakes her head. "No. His relationship with them is complicated, but no. He liked it in as much as it was a nice house with plenty of food and they didn't have a lot of other foster children. They just had their own daughter who's, I don't know, four or five years younger than us and thinks Hayden walks on water." She explains and if I'm not mistaken she's a little jealous. "And they were good to him; took him to church with them, made sure he had school clothes and supplies and lunch money and came to his games, but... I don't know. They were just hard on him, on their daughter Belle too. They hated me on sight. I mean, I go to church sometimes and so does Hayden and I believe in God and pray and read my bible, not as often as I should, but I do. But they act like anything you enjoy is a sin... food, music, laughing. When he took a part time job last year after football season to buy his truck Mr. Carpenter acted like he was buying drugs or something... he said no good would ever come from him owning that truck." She looks over at Hayden, bruised and beaten and asleep and says, "He'll have a field day with this one."

"Yeah, I could have gotten custody of Hayden three years ago if they hadn't fought me tooth and nail." I say angrily. It still makes me so mad to think about. I can see on Georgia's face that she doesn't know everything and I'm not surprised because I know Hayden doesn't exactly trust me anymore. I'm not sure he trusts anyone besides her and maybe Caleb. "When our mom died I had to leave and go live with my dad... I mean I wanted to because I hated Brad Nichols, but I didn't want to leave Hayden. My dad would bring me once a month to see him, but he was so little... you know how it is when you're little and a month seems like ten years. And then one day I came, by then I was driving, and I found out DHR had pulled him out because he came to school with bruises."

"I remember that." She says softly and when she speaks again her voice sounds small and brittle, like tears are just below the surface. "I remember him coming to school in kindergarten and someone bumping him in line and he cried and the teacher pulled the neck of his t-shirt out. I couldn't see it, but her face went deathly white. I will never forget that."

I feel nauseous just hearing her talk about it and I clench my fist without realizing it. "I begged my dad to try to get him. I was sixteen then and I told my dad and step-mom if they'd just get him then I would take him when I turned eighteen. But my dad didn't want me to be saddled with a seven-year-old when I was just out of high school. He wanted me to go to college. So, I did. Then when I graduated I applied for guardianship. He was twelve then. They laughed in my face. I didn't have a job or any money or an established residence. Sometimes they'd let me visit him, but sometimes he'd be in a group home and they wouldn't let me come. But I know on his end he just thought I didn't care. I knew how important his friends were, you and Caleb especially, and how important Gator football was to this town and how much he wanted to get to play. So, I had to establish residence here and get a job here and an apartment and then I had to set up home studies and take classes. By then he was living with those Carpenter people and they kept fighting to keep him with them. They tried to adopt him at fifteen when he had a family member who wanted custody." I state angrily. I don't add that if he'd just told the judge that he wanted to live with me this would have all be over long ago. He's been through so much that I can't hold it against him. I won't hold it against him. "I was starting to think that it would never happen and then finally this summer they approved it on a temporary basis."

"I know he acts like he doesn't care, but I think he does. I know he was miserable with them. Just give him time."

I nod, thankful that tonight's accident didn't end differently and that time is still something we have. "Does he drink a lot? I know he was hung over this morning."

"No. Last night was just beer, a lot of beer and tonight was as much about the rush as anything. He only drinks with the guys though." Her answer definitely has an edge of defensiveness to it, and I know instinctively that she'd cover for him if that wasn't really the case, but there's something about it that does in fact ring true.

"And what about school? Does he have any plans for college?" I ask and hope he's really asleep. I know this is an invasion of privacy, but he won't talk to me about these things. "He's a hell of a good player. Any chance he'll get a scholarship."

"I don't think so. He's had some D2 interest, but... when he shows no interest whatsoever back to them, they don't stay interested long."

I nod because this is what I was afraid of. "Why is he so set on not leaving this town?"

She's quiet for a minute and I know she's weighing telling me, which might help him, against not telling me because it's like a betrayal, but finally she answers. "He didn't have much, but he had me and he was always popular at school. He idolized the Gator football players just like all little boys and he was a good athlete. I think he was terrified of getting sent to a family or a group home in another school district. I think that's why he never complained to his social workers about any of the places he lived because no matter how bad they were; he was still here. Over time it became this thing... he'll never live anywhere but Grassland."

What she's just said makes her sad. I don't know why and I can't ask because it's obviously between them. "You should try to get some sleep. I'm gonna go get some coffee. You need anything?"

She shakes her head and I start for the door, but I turn back to look at my sleeping little brother. For so many years I've fought to get him, convinced that I could do a better job than anyone else. Tonight's the first time I worry that I might have been wrong.

Georgia

The next morning, I wake up in the recliner feeling stiff and barely rested. I visit with Hayden and explain that I'm scheduled for a double shift and I have to go. I can tell he doesn't want me to leave, but he tells me he understands. I think he's in a lot of pain today and his face looks like he's been in the worst fight ever, but he's going to be released and get to go home so that's good.

I stumble through my day at work, exhausted and disinterested. All anyone, anywhere can talk about is the accident and how the Gator's are going to blow the season without Caleb at quarterback. Most people assume that because it was Hayden's truck, Hayden was driving and I have more than a few harsh words for customers to set them straight.

I get home at just after eleven and my phone rings. I'm surprised to see it's Max so I answer, a little worried. "Are you okay? I thought you had plans all weekend?"

He sighs. "All anyone can talk about is how Caleb Sanders is out for the season so the season is lost. Carson is trying not to act excited, but I mean... he'll probably get called up to varsity as QB2 as a ninth grader so he's pumped." He's quiet for a minute and then says. "Was this Hayden's fault?"

"No." I answer irritably. "Is that what they're all saying? Hayden wasn't even driving. Hayden knew he'd had too much to drink and that he shouldn't drive, but Caleb insisted that he was okay. This is Caleb's fault."

I can hear him breathing on the other end of the phone and I know he's afraid to speak. I'm just about to apologize when he says, "I'm sorry. Is he okay?"

Now I'm the one who's quiet but I finally say, "I know you don't like Hayden."

"I don't like him with you."

"You don't know what it's like." I argue, feeling the stress of the last twenty-four hours about to boil over.

Max groans. "God, listen to yourself Georgia. You sound like an abused wife on a Lifetime movie... 'He hits me because he loves me'."

"Okay stop... Hayden has never hit me, even when we were kids and I hit him and was twice his size. And I know there's a perception that he cheats on me but it's not like that. Hayden and I are strong personalities... but not always strong people ... so when we feel pushed we push back. If I think he's ignoring me to hang out with Caleb, I'll hop in the truck with one of the guys on the team just to hurt him. Then he'll go make out with a Gator Babe to hurt me back. And then we'll end up in the same room together and it doesn't even matter because we're Hayden and Georgia. I love him and it scares me to death because it's the biggest thing I've ever felt and I want so many things and he only wants one thing and I'm afraid that I want him more than I want these other things... or sometimes I'm afraid I want these other things more than him. I don't know what's going to happen to us but I know how much I love him and I know he loves me." I scream into the phone and before I'm done I'm crying and I wonder if Max can even understand me.

"I'm sorry Georgia." He says and I can tell he's genuine. "I think Hayden's a good guy. I just... you're my sister and I love you and I want the best for you. I know all about your dreams and I'm afraid Hayden will hold you back."

After talking to Max I can't shake the feeling that I need to see Hayden and wherever he is he needs me. Finally, I slip out of the trailer and drive over to Avery's apartment and tap on Hayden's bedroom window. I worry that he's sleeping too soundly and won't hear me, and I'll have to go knock on the door and have Avery let me in but after a minute I see the blinds move and then he opens the window. "Why didn't you just use the door?"

I shrug. "Remember when you used to sneak out of the Carpenter's and come climb in my bedroom window?"

"Yeah, that's probably why your brother hates me." He says with a laugh, stepping back and watching as I throw a long leg over the window sill and climb in, thankful Avery got a first floor apartment.

"What are you doing here? I mean, I'm glad, but I wasn't expecting you." He asks.

I look at him and he's beaten to pieces; a big gash over his eye and a bruise that goes all the way down his face. He's shirtless with his green Gator sweatpants, but he's heavily bandaged around his ribs with seatbelt bruises covering his chest and shoulders. I look at him and I feel the sob building inside me about a second before it hits and then I'm clinging to him as huge tearful sobs shake my body. Hayden just stands in the middle of his bedroom holding me for however long it takes. Finally, we sit down on the end of the bed and I just snub against his shoulder.

"Am I hurting you?" I finally ask.

"Yes. You never cry. It rips my heart out when you do." He answers truthfully.

"I mean your shoulder or your arms or anything." I ask, with a sniffle.

He laughs. "Nah. They've got me pumped full of good painkillers. I'm awesome."

"Don't joke." I say trying to muster a little anger for self-preservation, but it's not there. All I can be is scared. "Don't you ever get hurt again Hayden Nichols because I can't take it. I can't... when that guy came in and said there'd been a wreck and I realized it was you; I died a thousand times between there and getting to you."

"I wondered how you ended up on the side of the road with me. Did you slap Aimee?"

I kind of laugh. "Well it was more like a shove but yeah. She was out of control."

"How'd you know I wasn't driving?" He asks nervously and I know then why I got so defensive with Max about him. It's because he always expects people to expect the worst out of him. And when someone, usually me, gives him the benefit of the doubt it scares him and makes him feel unworthy. It's all over his face and it's why I know there's nothing I wouldn't do to make him feel as worthy as I know he is; as he could be.

"They said the driver was thrown out of the car and the passenger had to be cut out so I knew when I got there and Caleb was covered in dirt and gravel and you already had seat belt bruises that you were the one trapped inside. God, you must have been so scared." I whisper stroking his face.

He nods and his face, an open book whether he likes it or not, shows exactly how scared he was. "It was my fault. I should have been driving or I shouldn't have let him drive or I shouldn't have drunk so much. We were doing shots out at McHoul's. He doesn't card players on game night."

"Listen to me. Caleb is a big boy... he's older than you and he's the quarterback. Everyone listens to him, even you and you don't listen to anyone. If he thought he was okay to drive then you had no reason to question him." I tell him angrily.

"But what if this is it for him? I mean it's more than just the injury. A DUI is something that will make a school think twice about looking at him. He seemed okay when I saw him earlier, but I can tell he's worrying. His parents are worrying. What if..."

"Listen to me." I say, holding his face in my hands and trying to be the strong one now that I'm passed my crying-spell. "Caleb is alive and well. His grades are exceptional and he's a good person. He's going to be fine whatever happens."

We sit together on the end of the bed for a long time. I have my head on his shoulder, but he's just holding my hand, obviously in more pain than he wants to let on. Finally, I stand to leave but he grabs my hand. "Don't go. You said Max wasn't home tonight and I hate when you're home alone with your dad. He'll never know if you stay here with me."

"I don't know." It's not like Hayden hasn't slept in my room more times than either of us can count and since he's been here I've stayed over plenty of times when Avery was working the night shift, but this is different. "Won't Avery think I'm a little slutty?"

"You're mine. You can't be slutty when you're with me." He answers with complete seriousness and I love him so much it shakes me to my core.

"Fine but we're just sleeping." I say sternly.

"I'm flattered you think so much of me babe, but trust me when I say I'm not up for anything other than sleep the way I feel tonight."

He tosses me a tee shirt and I pull it on over my head and shimmy out of my jeans and crawl into bed beside him, with his arm around me and my head on his chest. Even now, after the accident he still feels so strong and safe to me. I can't imagine ever wanting anything else.

The next morning, I slip out, not stupid enough to think that Avery doesn't know I was there, but I don't want to see him either. He's trying so hard to be a good "grown-up" for Hayden and letting a girlfriend sleep over is probably not the best way to do that. I go home and shower and change and then go by the hospital to see Caleb.

"Wow, I'd like to say I've seen the other guy and he looks worse, but I've seen the other guy and he looks bad, but you look worse." I tease when I see him. He's got several big cuts on his face and bruises everywhere I can see.

"You know how to hurt a guy Georgia." He teases lightly. "How's your boy?"

"Just sore, but okay. And worried about you." I say taking his hand. "Caleb Matthew Sanders why weren't you wearing a seatbelt? Even drunk Hayden had the good sense to put on a seatbelt."

He shrugs. "In my defense Hayden has more experience being drunk than me."

"I'll give you that one." I say, looking around. "So where's Aimee? She was like a crazy woman the other night. I figured they wouldn't be able to pry her out of here with a crowbar."

"Yeah, she was here after the wreck, but her parents took her home. I think this really stresses her out. And I'm guessing she was pretty pissed when I didn't go out with her after the game."

"We were both supremely pissed... so much so that we went out together and she ate fried shrimp, raw oysters, sweet tea and coconut pie. She's probably still out trying to run it off." I explain, but secretly I'm feeling a bit of a strange vibe. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something wrong with this picture.

I shake my head and add, "Don't worry. She was over being mad at you the second we heard about the wreck. Then we were just terrified."

He nods. "I'm sorry about that... I'm sorry I hurt Hayden. I mean, he's my best friend and I could have killed him."

"Stop it. He's saying the same thing about you. It's called an accident for a reason. If you'd done it on purpose they'd call it something else."

"Thanks Georgia. That means a lot." He says and I can tell he's a lot more worried that he's letting on.

"I guess I need to go. So, when are you getting out?"

"Tomorrow. We're... uh... driving to Birmingham to have a specialist look at my shoulder."

"Whose idea what that?" I ask, feeling a little alarmed.

"Coach or my parents... or both; I'm not sure; Maybe Aimee's dad. You know he's worried about his golden pony." He says and there's no missing the bitterness in his tone.

"He's worried about you. You're practically family to him." I argue.

He nods, but I know he doesn't believe me.

We talk a few more minutes before his parents come back from lunch. I love the Sanders and they both hug me. I can tell that they're more concerned than they're letting on and I begin to consider that the shoulder injury might be more than just a simple dislocation. I leave the hospital and drive to Hayden's.

I use this door this time and Avery tells me to go on back to Hayden's room. He's propped up in bed watching TV so I flop down beside him and kiss him quickly before asking, "So any chance Avery will let me spring you for a little while and go somewhere?"

"Probably, but what'd ya have in mind?" He asks.

He's stronger today. I can tell immediately. But his bruises have settled in and are worse.

"I don't know." Although I have a pretty good idea where we'll end up. "I just figured you were tired of being cooped up in here."

A few minutes later we're in my car with the windows down and Blake Shelton on the radio. Hayden is an outdoorsman if there ever was one and he's got his face toward the window drinking in the open air and sun. I'm just trying to keep my eyes on the road instead of drinking in the sight of him. We end up at the boat dock and he takes my hand and leads me on deck.

We're quiet for a long time. We sit side by side, his arm around me and our heads leaning together, just listening to the gentle lap of waves against the side of the boat and birds in the distance and wind in the trees. Finally, Hayden starts to talk and I know he's been thinking about this for a while. "This is it Georgia Grace Cooper. Everyone talks about figuring out what we want to do with the rest of our lives. This is what I want. When I was hanging upside down in that truck, all I could think about was you. I want to marry you and have a job and a house – without wheels – as close to the water as I can get it and I want to have kids with you and watch them grow up here in this town and just be a good person and a good husband and father and provider. I know that's not ambitious..."

"For people who grew up like us it is." I whisper, fighting tears again. "It's a good dream; an honorable dream."

"I'm sorry Coop for every time I've ever hurt you; for going off without you Friday night and for all the times I've cheated off your tests and all the Gator Babe stuff. You know... I mean I've never done anything with any of them except..."

"It doesn't even matter, but yeah. I know that. Me either." I admit tearfully.

"Never again, okay? No matter what happens, we're never breaking up again. There's never going to be anyone else but you... it's you and me forever Coop, okay?"

I lean back to look at him and I search his face... for something. But all I see reflected back in those infinite hazel eyes of his is all the love and adoration that I feel for him. I pull his face to me and kiss him hungrily, desperate to make this moment say and mean everything I'm feeling. And then I pull away and I nod slowly. "Me too. You and me together... that's all that really matters to me too. You and me forever, Hayden." And in that moment, I've never meant anything more.

Caleb sanders

April 2009

I hang up the phone with Georgia, but I can't stop thinking about it. Getting the call from Avery that Hayden is getting out is good news, but it also makes me extremely aware that we've hardly spoken since before he went in, and the last time we did speak it wasn't a good experience. Just because he's out doesn't mean that's going to change. There's a lot of baggage between us now and that's not going to be any different just because he's coming home. It might even get worse. And I'm still rattled by my conversation with Georgia. Hearing her voice, hearing how much she still obviously loves Hayden shakes me and reminds me of how things used to be for all of us.

I pop a couple of Ibuprofen to ease the pain in my shoulder that seems to have reappeared as I'm unable to stop thinking about the past. Then I head down to the computer lab to finish my homework. I have a laptop in my dorm room, but for some reason I want to be with other people. Unfortunately, the lab is empty and I can't seem to accomplish anything on my paper.

I end up taking a walk across campus and trying to remember what it was like when I came here. I was so ready then to start a new chapter in my life, a life that didn't include the Grassland Gators and certainly didn't include Hayden Nichols and Aimee Asher. But time has a way of bringing things into focus and it didn't take me long to realize that I could go anywhere in the world, but it wouldn't change the fact that he was my best friend and she was the girl I thought I'd be with forever.

I wind up back in my room feeling oddly unsettled. I look at the pictures tacked to the bulletin board over my desk; one in particular. Sometimes I wonder why I keep it up because it just makes me sad. But other times, like tonight I know why I keep it. There we are, the first week of senior year. Aimee looks like she just stepped out of a 1950's soap commercial in a white sundress and white tennis shoes with her sleek blonde hair in a ponytail. She's holding my hand and smiling adoringly. And there's Georgia, all long legs beneath denim short-shorts and a black strappy tank top, wearing Hayden's Kenny Chesney straw and puka shell cowboy hat and wrapped around him like a snake on a vine. And there's me and Hayden grinning like the self-important idiots we were, clueless to any thought that life wouldn't turn out exactly the way we planned.

And that's why I keep it around... to remind me that life is never figured out; never take anything for granted because it can all change in the bad turn of a steering wheel.

I open my laptop and try again to make some progress on my homework, but it's useless. My mind isn't on Pathenogenic Bacteriology and Immunology. It's on my best friend and it's on my golden days as the quarterback of the Grassland Gators. And if I'm honest... it's on the girls we loved.

October 2005

Sitting on the bench... I've never sat on the bench in my life, but lately my life consists of sitting on the bench; not just during practice, but all the time.

I'm definitely sitting on the bench when it comes to football. My shoulder ended up requiring surgery to repair a fractured scapula and joint as well as torn ligaments. That was four weeks ago. I'm supposed to see the surgeon again at the end of the week about getting out of the immobilizer and into therapy, but the only hope I have of ever taking another snap in high school football is if we make it to the playoffs.

I'm sitting on the bench when it comes to driving. Even if my license weren't suspended, there's no way to drive a car when your right arm is held to your side by a shoulder immobilizer. So, at eighteen my mom is driving me across the state line to the bus stop where I'm supposed to catch the bus, but so far Hayden and Georgia have picked me up every day. Although since one of the boosters "sold" him a brand-new truck he's more than happy to drive anyone anywhere.

And I'm sitting on the bench when it comes to my relationship with Aimee. After the night of the crash, she didn't come back to the hospital. I left on Monday and went to Birmingham where they kept me for a couple of days until they could schedule the surgery. Finally, on the night before my operation I broke down and called her. She cried and told me how worried she was and how much she was praying for me and how she loved me, missed me and couldn't live without me, but there was no mention of her coming for the surgery; no mention of her seeing me anytime soon. When I came home she continued to keep her distance. When I finally returned to school after two weeks I got the speech, "It's not you, it's me – I'm just really confused about my feelings – I love you and I know this is all going to work out someday, but right now what I think I need to do is figure out who I am alone." So far she's dated a drummer and the starting forward on the basketball team. So much for figuring out who she is alone.

"Come on Cal, let's get out of here." Hayden says, running out of the field house after showering and changing from practice. We get in his truck and he reaches in his back pack and pulls out a green goody bag. "Coop made peanut-butter fudge. You want some?"

"Sure." I answer, taking a piece. God it's not fair that Georgia looks like that and she cooks. I hate Hayden just a little... I find myself hating Hayden just a little a lot lately. "So Georgia is really doing the Gator Babe thing?"

"We are 100% exclusive... no Gator Babes except her, no jealous fights. It's just us." He states firmly and I know he's telling the truth. I might be jealous, but I love him and Georgia both, and I'm happy that our accident seems to have brought them closer together. It's just... our accident seems to have brought a lot of good things Hayden's way; and nothing but bad to me.
Hayden

Your best friend flipping your truck in a ditch and you getting banged all to hell is not supposed to be a good thing... but since it happened, everything is going my way for the first time in my life.

For starters, on Tuesday morning after the accident I was still home recuperating and someone knocked on the door. Avery answered and it was Dale Asher along with Dave Redding, who owns the local Ford dealership. Parked out front was a 2006 Black Ford F-150. Red offered Avery nothing down and in house financing at such a ridiculous price that we both looked at each other and waited for the punchline. There wasn't one. I know coach has a thing about us taking stuff from boosters, but technically we're buying it and I know Caleb's parents have rented a house from Dale Asher for $10 a month for almost 7 years now and no one has said a word.

And then there's Coop; funny, beautiful, smart, sexy Coop who makes the best homemade fudge in town - suddenly totally devoted to me and our future together. It's just us, in love the way it should be.

Not to mention school. Unexpectedly the same teachers who a week before were trying to make me sit across the room from Coop to keep me from cheating off her, are now practically letting her take the tests for me. I've been assigned tutors in every class who virtually do my homework for me and no one says a thing. I can be late or take off for a long lunch with Coop and everyone from Asst. Principal James on down pretends not to notice. I'm the golden boy now and everything I do is untouchable.

But mostly there's football. The week after the wreck they started a freshman... Carson somebody. He did okay considering he'd barely even practiced with the full team. But we still lost and everyone pretty much wrote us off. Then the strange thing happened. I showed up at practice the following Monday and I said, "Put me in at running-back and I'll get us to the playoffs." Since then I've started on both defense and offense in 4 games for an average of 5.8 rushing yards on the carry and three carries run-in and two pass receptions for TD's. Suddenly we're right back in the hunt for the playoffs. And everyone's looking to me to make it happen. I've never been good under pressure like that... I always wanted to fly under the radar, but this time it's different. I'm doing this for Caleb. Caleb needs the playoffs to get to college so I'm going to do everything in my power to get us to the playoffs. So far, so good.

Caleb is mostly quiet as we drive home. I know he's having a tough time handling being on the bench, not to mention the way Aimee has dumped him. I guess Coop was right about her all along. I always thought she and Caleb were the real deal. I think Caleb thought so too.

"You know your mom doesn't have to come get you. I don't mind taking you all the way home." I say as we drive toward the meeting spot.

"She's fine with it." He says disinterestedly.

"So I'm going up to Jax State this weekend." I broach timidly. I'm not entirely comfortable talking to Caleb about recruiters, but he's my best friend. And it's not like Avery and I know how this stuff works. Coach has been great, but I still want to talk to him about this.

He nods. "Are they interested in you now?"

I shrug. "I don't know... I mean they're interested enough to invite me and a guest to come to a game so that's good. You want to come with me?"

"No." He answers a little too quickly. "I mean, I've got doctor's appointments this week and if I get out of the brace I might start some therapy. I don't have a moment to waste."

"Absolutely." I answer, ignoring the fact that my best friend considers joining me for a recruitment visit to be a waste of time. "Maybe next time."

"Yeah, looks like you're gonna have a lot of these visits now." He says and there's no way not to notice his tone.

"I didn't ask for this man." I say, trying not to sound defensive.

"Yeah Nichols, you kind of did. 'Put me on offense and I'll get us to state.' Where the hell have you been all these years when I needed someone to hand off the ball to? Now I'm out for the season and suddenly you want to step into the sun. What's the problem? You knew you'd still be in the shadows if I was at QB?" He asks with enough pent-up rage to cause me to literally lean out the window.

"I know this is hard..."

"It's not hard. You're doing great and I'm grateful because the only way I'll get to play in enough games is if we make it to the playoffs so it's all good." He says quickly, but I can tell he's still angry.

I shrug again. "I mean... I'm not really even planning on going to any of these colleges. If Avery and I can come up with enough money for Faulkner state, we'll be doing good."

"Keep playing the way you have been lately and money won't be an issue." He says and I can tell he's trying to be supportive.

"So what about Georgia? She's always wanted to go to college?" He asks.

"Yeah, she's been talking to the University of Mobile. They're offering her tuition, room, board and books. It's close enough she can drive from home." I answer confidently.

"Sounds like you two have it all figured out." He replies.

"We're getting there." I say just as we pull into the church parking lot and find his mother waiting. "I'll see you here in the morning?"

"I can ride the bus." He argues like he does every day.

"Where's the fun in that?"

Caleb

"So the immobilizer isn't coming off today?" I ask, knowing that Dr. Barkley doesn't seem to want to say it right out.

"Son they're just trying to give you the best possible chance at a full recovery." Dad interjects, trying to placate me.

"Caleb, the longer you keep the shoulder immobilized and let the pins and plate completely set, the better the chance of you regaining full range of motion. And you'll need full range of motion if you hope to continue playing football."

"The longer I keep the shoulder immobilized the less chance I'll have to even be seen by recruiters so it's not going to matter." I argue, but I know it's pointless.

In the car with dad he broaches the subject he, my mom and I have all been avoiding. "Son, worst case scenario, you don't get to play again this season. You have a high B+ average, and 26 on your ACT. You'll probably qualify for some academic scholarships. We've got money put aside to help. Have you given any thought to college... if football isn't in the equation?"

"Somewhere where I can walk on as a freshman." I answer without hesitation.

"What?"

"You heard me. I want to go to somewhere that will give me a walk on audition. If I can get enough academic scholarship and you guys have some money to start me off with, I can pay the first year and then they'll give me a scholarship to keep playing." I explain.

"Son, this wasn't a clean break. It was a compound fracture of your scapula that splintered into the joint..."

"You think I don't know that! You think there's anything about this accident and my injury that I don't know about?" I erupt angrily.

"Caleb Matthew Sanders, you need to settle down right now young man." My father scolds me in a way he hasn't since I was a child.

Most of my friends talk about their complicated relationships with their dads. Even the ones who still have involved fathers complain about how they push them with unrealistic expectations or rather they have no confidence in them and make them feel like they can't do anything right. I always nod and half-heartedly agree, but the truth is my dad has never been anything but supportive. Aside from being pretty insistent that LSU was the only right choice I could make, I've never doubted that he and my mom were in my corner no matter what I decided. Even now, when most parents would have some sanctimonious platitude for me about how I'd made my bed and now I'd have to lay in it, they seem to recognize that nothing they could say, no disappointment they could feel in me will even scratch the surface of how disappointed I am in myself. But as I feel a fatherly lecture building, none of that seems to matter and all I can feel is pissed that he'd dare to tell me to calm down when this is happening to my life and my dream.

"Your mother and I know better than anyone what a devastating blow this has been. We've been with you all the way from peewee until the day you sat in that doctor's office and learned the extent of the damage. We have dreamed this dream right along with you, but there comes a time when you have to face reality and realistically, you're not playing college football."

I can't remember the last time I cried. Not even in the hospital after the accident, or later in Birmingham, when the severity of it all began to sink in, did I give in to tears. But sitting in the car beside dad going down I65 on a Friday afternoon when I should, by all rights, have been getting ready to take down the Daphne Trojans, I cried like I was still that little boy who dreamed about running through the tunnel at Death Valley to the sound of over 100,000 screaming fans.

Dad didn't talk. He didn't cry either although I know he wanted to. He just drove until I was able to talk again and I finally whispered through tremulous lips, "I don't know how to be anything but a football player. It's all I know. It's all I've ever wanted to do."

"That's not true. I mean, it might be true that it's all you wanted to do, but not all you know how to do. You're an excellent student. You're popular, and that's not just because of football. You are a good leader. You excel at student government. You can do anything you want to do. You've always won at everything you've ever tried."

I shake my head and say, "This was all my fault."

Dad squeezes my hand and tells me, "Caleb, there's no need placing blame."

"There's no need placing blame because the blame is all on me." I say hollowly. "It's all because I'm Caleb Sanders. I'm the guy who's won at everything I've ever done. I'm the golden boy who never got caught for claiming I lived in a house I hardly ever even went into. I never got in trouble for missing curfew; never got a speeding ticket on Hwy 90. My girlfriend never got pregnant. I skipped 3rd period French at least three times a week every week last year and went with Hayden – hunting, fishing, to hit golf balls at the driving range, to the batting cage. Hayden got caught three times and put in detention, but not me. I'd always slip right back into school and no one was the wiser. Because I was the golden boy and nothing bad ever happened to me."

Dad doesn't say anything for a minute, but finally he nods and says, "I reckon you're probably right about that."

"All the other guys were calling their girlfriends, calling someone. Hayden said, 'let's call Avery', but I said 'no I'm fine. I got this.' I'm Caleb Sanders. I'm not supposed to flip a truck and almost kill my best friend and end my career before it even starts. I always win. It never even occurred to me that this would be the time when I didn't."

"You're alive. Hayden is alive. That's the most important thing."

"Oh Hayden's more than alive. Now Hayden's the golden boy." I say, still on the verge of tears.

"Hayden is still your best friend."

I nod. "I know that. I'm pissed at him every day and I'm treating him like he's the one who's done something wrong, but all he's doing is trying to keep the team alive for me. Hayden never wanted to be the golden boy. Hayden never wanted to be the star... all that pressure, everyone depending on him? Hayden just wanted to be on the team. He just wanted to belong... to something, to someone. The only people he ever wanted to impress were the Gator Babes and he only wanted to impress them so Georgia would think he was worth staying with."

"Well from where I sat... that worked both ways between him and Georgia." My dad says with the first hint of a rueful smirk.

I nod and say, "True... the only two people who don't know that Georgia can't live without Hayden and Hayden can't live without Georgia are Hayden and Georgia... instead they spent all that time trying to make the other one jealous so they wouldn't lose them... and they had everything all along. Instead it was me and Aimee who had nothing. It was me... I thought I was going to marry her, but she just wanted to marry a football player."

Dad nods. "Yeah, I've got to admit, I didn't see that one coming. I thought you and Aimee were in for the long haul."

"The first day of 6th grade, the day I met her, I didn't trust her. She was Dale Asher's daughter and I knew what I was to Mr. Asher. I was the goose that laid the golden egg... his prize thoroughbred. And I thought that if I ever stopped being that he'd cut me loose in a heartbeat. Turns out I was wrong about him. He's been nothing but supportive... But I was right not to trust Aimee."

Dad is silent for a long time before he finally says, "I'm not condoning Aimee's behavior and I'm certainly not suggesting you try to make anything happen there, but she's young... you're both young but she's far less mature than you because she's not had the pressure and the responsibility that you've had. This has been a blow to all of us who love you and...she had planned her life around you. The two of you together had planned a certain future and now that rug has been pulled out from under her. Don't write her off as a terrible person just yet. I still believe that she loved you."

I'm quiet for a few minutes while I let dad's words sink in, but finally I say, "You're right. I am mature, and I'm used to pressure. I've been in the spotlight since I was twelve-years-old. And more importantly I have you and mom. You've always supported me but you've also kept me grounded. 'Caleb Matthew, you might be a superstar Gator, but I'm not your maid. You're going to take those clean clothes to your room and when I come back there I expect them to be put away like you were raised right, young man.'" I mimic my mother which at long last brings a smile to dad's face.

"But Hayden..." Dad says, knowing where my mind is.

"I'm not pretending I'm not jealous. I like the spotlight. I wouldn't have been Caleb Sanders if I hadn't liked being the center of attention. But Hayden's my best friend. He's a good guy... a lot better guy than he gets credit for being and I'm happy for him to be getting the praise he deserves. He has always been short on attention and having people care about him and he deserves that, but I don't think it's my jealousy talking when I say I'm worried about him. He's not grounded and he's not used to this and... while he had to grow up fast in a lot of ways in other ways he's not mature. I'm afraid this is all going to be too much for him."

"Well you said it yourself. He's your best friend. You have to be there for him."

I nod but inside I wonder if I'm really strong enough for that. How can I be there for him when all I want is for things to be the way they used to be; all I want is to be him again? me.

We drive on in silence for a good while longer before I finally take a deep breath, and even to my own ears I sound younger than 18, younger than I've sounded or felt in a very long time. "Dad... I know you're probably right. I know that I'm probably never going to play again and I promise to start trying to think about a life outside of football, but just for now, until the immobilizer comes off and I get into therapy and we see for sure how my range of motion and strength is, until we know for sure can we just not give up completely on football?"

Dad squeezes my arm and says, "When we made the decision to let you transfer schools and go to Grassland your mom and I told you that we would ride this dream with you as far as it would take you as long as you wanted to keep going with it. We still feel that way. So, until you're ready to call it quits, we're in this with you all the way."

Aimee

I walk into the office at a quarter till three and I'm mad already because it's Friday and I should be doing hair and make-up for the game instead of being summoned here. I knock on the door and say, with attitude to burn, "You wanted to see me, Mrs. Asher."

Mama points me toward the seat in front of her desk and says, "Mrs. Asher, is it?"

"Well I figure if I'm summoned to your office after 3:00 it's by mama, but if it's before 3:00 it's by Mrs. Asher... unless of course I'm lucky enough to have been summoned by both of you." I add with extra sass.

"We're both here so I suggest you sit your butt down in that chair and shut your smart mouth and let's have this meeting, because it is ten minutes till three on a Friday afternoon and my patience has worn way thin." Mama says with her carefully-concealed-in-public, but famous-at-home temper on display.

So, Ms. Asher, do you know why I asked you here today?" She says politely.

"No I can't say that I do." I answer though in truth I have a pretty good idea.

"Well, here it is. It's the middle of October in your senior year and to my knowledge – and let's face it – as both your mother and your senior advisor I pretty well know these things, to my knowledge you've yet to fill out a single college application. It would appear that you haven't even given it any thought. You only have a 19 on your ACT and you skipped your last testing date and those tests are not free. Would you care to clue me in to your plans?"

I can see beneath my mother's confrontational demeanor that she's really concerned and I understand why. I've never been a great student or particularly ambitious when it came to such things but I always assumed I'd go to college. But with my current test scores, GPA and lack of time to apply, my chances aren't looking great.

"Your silence speaks volumes." She finally says and then she comes around the desk and sits beside me. "I know that your breakup with Caleb has been terrible. And I know that, despite my better judgement, you'd centered most of your future plans around him. But that isn't going to happen now, and you've had a month to get used to that idea. Now I'm sorry, but sweetie, it's time to start making some plans that don't include Caleb."

I shrug and say, "But that's just it. I've never wanted to do anything, but marry Caleb."

Mama gives me that look that tells me the senior advisor and the mama are at war within her, but she finally says, "You know I've always wanted you to go to college. Both of your sisters went to the University of Mobile and I always assumed you'd probably do the same. But if all you want is Caleb, then why did you end things with him? I mean, Caleb Sanders is smart and he's a hard worker, and more importantly he's a great guy. I hope that you didn't end things with him because he's not going to play college football or go on to the NFL. I would really hate to think that you could be so..."

"It's not that simple." I say and it's true. The problem is, I don't know why Caleb and I broke up. I love Caleb... not the quarterback but the person. I'm certain of that. But when I began to realize that I his accident was going to change him, that without football he might not be the same Caleb he'd always been I was terrified. And once he saw that fear, there was no turning back for him. Now too much has happened. Anytime I try to talk to him, he goes the other way. Every text is met with icy silence. I wasn't there for Caleb when he needed me and now I have to accept that he doesn't want me anymore at all. There are times I can't help wondering if he ever did. I sometimes think all he really wanted was someone to adore and support him. But I'm no better. There are times I think all I really wanted was someone to take care of me; not financially so much but emotionally. Caleb was so strong and capable. I guess at the end of the day the fear that he wouldn't be that way anymore is what scared me the most about his accident.

"Hon, I'm sorry. I know that this has been tough on you, but it's been a whole lot tougher on Caleb and he's going on and making plans, taking his tests and keeping his grades up. I don't mean to be insensitive, but it's time you snap out of this and make plans or you're going to end up working at Wal Mart. You're too smart and too talented for that. So as your mother and as your senior advisor... get it together."

I nod. "Yes ma'am. Is there another test date?"

"Not till the first Saturday in December. Most colleges have a December 15th deadline, but you can submit the application with a conditional test score. Would you consider getting a tutor to help you get your score up? What about Georgia? She's one of the best test takers I've ever seen."

I think back to the night of the accident. I really thought that Georgia and I might actually become friends after that, which made me realize that while I have lots of people I'm friendly with, besides Caleb I've never had friends that I could really confide in. I thought Georgia might be that person, but between me screaming and accusing Hayden on the side of the road and then me walking away from Caleb, she won't even give me the time of day.

"Georgia is Caleb's friend. It's like in a divorce. He got Georgia and Hayden." I explain, not sure who, if anyone, I got.

"Well, Georgia owes me a favor. I'd be happy to ask her if you'd like me to." Mama bargains.

"That's okay. I don't think we'd work well together. But why does she owe you a favor?" I ask.

"She just got my hopes all up in the air when she applied to her dream college. I was so proud to have one of my students taking such a big step."

"What happened? Didn't she get in?"

"Of course she got in. She's just not going because... never mind. I shouldn't have even said that much. Seriously Aimee, this is highly confidential."

I nod because I know my mother must be really disappointed in Georgia to discuss this with me. But she doesn't have to tell me why Georgia isn't going to her dream school. I know that she's staying at home to be with Hayden.

"I'm really sorry mama. I know I've disappointed you and daddy both. Not making better grades, not being aggressive about college, hurting Caleb. I just feel... I've felt so lost since Caleb's accident." I sigh and add, "If I'm being honest I think I was feeling a little lost even before, but I didn't realize it."

"Babe I'm here for you... as your mother and your advisor. We're going to figure this out okay?"

"Okay." I answer, but for the life of me I don't know if there's anything left to figure out.

Georgia

I'm standing outside the field house on Friday night after another game where Hayden was, once again, the superstar. He had 271 rushing yards at running back and two solo tackles and an interception on defense. I'm undeniably proud of the change he's made, but now instead of holding my breath when the defense is on the field, I hold it for four straight quarters. Now I'm exhausted.

Every time I stand here waiting, it's impossible not to draw the parallel between now and the night of the accident. So much has changed. For starters Hayden is the one leading the team now... he was always a strong player but now everyone is looking to him and he's delivering every time. And we've changed... together. Gone are the Gator Babes and the jealous rages. I believe Hayden when he says he loves me and I think he believes me too.

But it's changed in bad ways too. Caleb isn't out there and may never be out there again. And I know that no matter how much Hayden might like being the center of attention, even while he continues to argues to the contrary, I also know that no game will ever compare to one when he gets to run off the field and celebrate with Caleb. Even Aimee being out of our lives is weird. She's been a part of us forever and I guess without realizing it, I've gotten used to her.

"So we're dropping off Carson and Max at Carson's house." Hayden explains as he's followed out by the freshman quarterback and my little brother. Another good change is that Max doesn't seem to hate Hayden as much as he once did. I'd like to think it's because he's seen how much Hayden has grown up through this, but I think it's mainly because he's taken Carson under his wing and Carson is Max's best friend.

We all pile into Hayden's truck and Carson is talking excitedly about the game. He's an adorable fifteen-year-old that I've known since pre-school with café au lait skin, big golden brown eyes, one dimple and the sweetest crooked smile. He's got a ton of talent but he's still short on confidence and leadership. I know Hayden has helped him a lot, and it's obvious on the field who's leading the team.

We drop them off and Max turns and waves as Carson unlocks the door to his apartment. I know his mom works all the time, and they're probably going into an empty house, but unfortunately Max is used to that too. "You know you can go out with your friends ... as long as you promise not to end up in ditch. I don't want to be that girlfriend... the one who has to be together every minute of every day. Clingy isn't sexy."

"I'm not sure that I agree. Sometimes clingy is quite sexy." He teases.

I roll my eyes, but can't hide a smile. "Whatever. The point is I only got mad before because I missed Friday night tips for you and because you just ditched me. And you did it in front of Aimee."

"If I'd known you were planning to teach Aimee to eat oysters I would have totally gone with you."

"I'm not certain but I'm thinking you mean that in a sexist and inappropriate way." I scold which causes him to laugh wolfishly and lean across the seat to kiss me until the light changes and the car behind us honks.

He starts driving again and says. "I really wish you'd go to JSU with me tomorrow."

"I can't. It's a double shift Saturday. Besides I'm betting Avery is excited about this. College seems to be a big deal to him."

He grunts. "It's not like I'm really gonna go. If I go anywhere it'll be Faulkner State. You know college isn't for me."

"Don't not go because of us." I say feeling that nervous pull that I've had ever since I told Mrs. Asher that I wasn't going to Tulane. I guess there's a part of me that keeps hoping he'll decide to take one of these offers and then I could take that offer. I mentally chastise myself, remembering that day on the boat when we promised forever. Nothing means more than that.

"Everything is because of us." He says, taking my hand as we drive on to my place. "That's how I want it. But the reason I'm not going is because I'm not college material."

"Don't say that. You're anything you want to be. Look at the turn around you've made this season. I mean, two months ago would anyone have said you were 'running back being recruited by Jax state' material?" I say excitedly. At the heart of it all I'm so incredibly proud of him for all of this.

"It's not like it's Bama or even the Barners." He argues but I can tell he's secretly excited.

"They're an up and coming program in Div1 FCS. This is a big deal. Just be excited okay, because we all know you've earned this."

He shakes his head. "I haven't earned this. I've only got this opportunity because Caleb doesn't."

"That's not true. You have always had this in you and you've stepped up for Caleb; to keep the team in the playoffs long enough to give him his shot. The fact that you're finally getting the attention you deserve is just a happy coincidence."

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye as he turns down the long dirt driveway that leads to the spot of land where our trailer is. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this optimistic version of Coop. Where's my 'expects the worst' girlfriend?"

I grin and put my hand behind his neck and pull him toward me. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I think you're stuck with this one for a while. My boyfriend is a superstar who treats me really great and ignores everyone else in favor of being with me and still takes my breath away when he kisses me. How can I expect anything but the best?"

Hayden

"Hayden Nichols... Welcome to JSU."

I had no idea what those words would mean in the course of my life. But the doors opened and suddenly I was on the inside... maybe for the first time in my life.

"Hayden it's no secret we've struggled since making the transition to division 1, but we are in a transition phase, we are in a building phase, we are in a growing phase and we believe that the way you have transformed from a solid defensive player to such an explosive offensive force is exactly the element we're looking for to take our program to the next level."

I looked passed the recruiter to Avery and it was all I could do not to burst into hysterical laughter. Was someone really talking to me, Hayden Nichols ... foster kid, like this?

They took us to weight room and training facility. They showed us the dorms and the student center. They have as many places to eat on campus as we have in downtown Grassland. But the best part is when we go to the stadium. Grassland has a 6A worthy field that seats almost 8,000 but Burgess-Snow Stadium is surrounded by seats on all four sides and holds three times as many screaming fans. I walk out of the tunnel, I look up... and up and up to the press box and I feel like I can see forever.

The game is awesome; the fans, the cheerleaders, the band... even though they lose, it's the best game I've ever been to. I look at Avery and I know that after all these years of waiting for him to show up and all the time he's spent fighting for me, sharing this moment together means more than either of us could ever say.

Afterwards they take us out for lunch and we're joined by the athletic director and the offensive coordinator.

Then, just as I'm really enjoying my well done New York strip, the offensive coordinator asks me, "So tell us how you would have made a difference against the Bengals today?"

I swallow twice before I begin to answer and for the life of me I have no idea what I'm even saying. I assume I talk about offense since I'm talking to the offensive coordinator, but for all I know a lifetime of being a defensive back takes over and I talk about sacks and blocks and tackles. But whatever I said, when I'm finished I sigh and look around the table. The three Jax State guys are smiling and nodding and Avery looks like the cat who ate the canary so obviously it didn't suck.

"Hayden we're really excited about the way you play the game and what we believe you could bring to our program. What questions do you and your brother have for us?" The athletic director asked.

Avery asks questions about scholarships which they said we would discuss later when we were able to sit down with the head coach and then he asks about my grades, which are bare minimum and they encourage me to take the ACT which I've thus far avoided. It seems it couldn't be going any better when the offensive coordinator turns back to me and asks, "So I do have another question for Hayden. You've played defense as far back as I can see. You were a solid player, but your size and build are not suited for it, and you had no chance of playing defense at a div 1 school. On the other hand, your natural speed and agility make you far more likely to excel at offense and clearly you've come alive in this position. My question is why did you make the transition to offense at this stage in your career?"

I take a deep breath and I look at Avery who is nodding supportively... but the truth is this is the one question I expected and the one question I don't have an answer for. I mean, I have an answer but not one I'm comfortable giving to strangers. I'm barely comfortable with it myself. So instead I try to think if I was on that side of the table what would I want to hear?

"I guess the easy answer is Caleb Sanders. I've shared the field with Caleb Sanders since 6th grade. He's the best high school quarterback in the state, the country. Hell, he's better than a lot of college QB's. I've always known that he had offense so I had to have defense. And I did. I mean, no I might not be a typical DB in terms of my size, but anyone who's ever played me will tell you that I hit harder than guys with fifty pounds and a half a foot of height on me. I see the spread and I know how to make the stops that count. I never played offense because my team never needed me on offense, but when Caleb got hurt they needed me on offense so I stepped up."

Avery and the recruiter both nod, and I feel good about my answer, but then the athletic director says, "That does bring up a topic of some concern for us. The accident with Caleb Sanders; is it true that you had a blood alcohol level of .96?"

"Yes sir, that's correct." I answer, feeling my throat go dry and wondering why it never occurred to me that they'd ask about this.

"Is that a common thing for you to get that drunk?"

"With all due respect sir," Avery interrupts before I have a chance to answer. "Teenagers drink. Should they? No. But do most of them? Yes. I did. Every guy on my team drank... especially after a big game. Hayden was responsible enough not to get behind the wheel of the car and I think I can speak for him when I say that this is not something he practices regularly and not a position he will put himself in again anytime in the near future."

In the truck on the way home we're silent for a long while before Avery finally speaks. "You know just because they didn't make an offer today is no reason to think one won't come later on. They said we'd hear from them soon."

I nod, but who am I kidding? That was the football recruitment equivalent of "it's not you, it's me."

"Thanks for sticking up for me about the drinking thing. I know you questioned Coop about my drinking habits and I know you were worried about it." I said nervously. "It meant a lot that you stood up for me."

"Hayden I was seventeen once too. I did a lot of stupid things when I was your age. The big brother in me wants to save you from those mistakes, but the guy that remembers how much fun some of those mistakes were knows you're going to have to learn for yourself. I daresay that you and no one on that team will ever drink and drive again and will be damn careful who you get in the car with when you've been drinking."

Avery

"I guess you're right." Hayden says quietly as we continue on I65 south with Tim McGraw playing faintly in the background.

We're silent for a few more minutes before I finally ask, "So what's the real reason that you've never played offense before?"

"How do you know that wasn't the real reason?" He asks after a few minutes.

"I don't. I mean, I think there was an element of truth to your story. But you were holding something back." I press, knowing that I have to tread lightly with him, but also feeling like this visit today has lowered a wall between us and if I don't take advantage now, I might never get this good of an opportunity to really get to know him.

"Is that the real reason that they didn't offer me a scholarship; because I'm not a trustworthy kind of a guy?"

His response hurts me to my core but I can't say he's not right. I want to protect him by lying to him, but I know that he needs me to be honest so I say, "I don't know. But if that's the case they're wrong. You're trustworthy."

Again he's silent and I begin to think he's not going to answer me, but he finally says, "I couldn't play offense before."

"I don't get it. What does that mean?"

He sighs. "It means I couldn't play it. I tried. Of course they tried me at offense. I was a shrimp and I was fast. But I was never aggressive enough."

"How is that possible? Every time I got to see you when you were a kid you were in trouble for fighting."

"It's not the same thing. I fought because I was threatened; whether for real or perceived I don't know but I was always afraid and when I'm afraid I come out swinging. It was the only way to live with dad; the only way to grow up in the system. But on offense, I wasn't afraid so I didn't come out swinging. I couldn't see the holes. I couldn't make the breaks... I certainly couldn't make the blocks. Defense was the story of my life. Someone comes at you; you take them down first. Defense is natural to me. Offense... why start something when trouble always finds me without me looking for it?"

There's a part of me that wishes I hadn't asked him. I know that there's a whole well of deep, dark hurt in my brother that I don't know; that I'll probably never know and will never possibly understand. But I did ask that question and I have no choice now but to continue with it. So I ask a question that I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to, "So what changed? What's different now?"

And once again he's quiet. I'm not sure if he's trying to come up with the right words, or if he's trying to decide if he really wants to reveal this much to me, but knowing Hayden I'm guessing it's the latter. Finally, he says, "Because I'm being threatened. Caleb is my best friend... my best friend and my best friend's whole life and dreams and who he is depends on this game. And if Caleb's life falls apart, then so does mine. So every time I step on to that field, I'm fighting for my life; for Caleb's life; for Coop's. I'm fighting for everything I've ever wanted or hoped for."

I nod because I figured as much, but hearing him put it into words still hurts. "Does Caleb know that's how you feel? Does he know that's what you're doing?"

He shrugs. "He'd do the same for me."

I like Caleb and I know that he and Hayden have been through everything together. They have a bond that Hayden and I will never have. But I also know that Caleb's had a lot of things in life come to him easily. He's not struggled the way that Hayden has and struggle is what makes you value things. I wonder if Caleb values Hayden the same way that Hayden values him.

"If JSU didn't like your answer, then they don't deserve you. And they're not the last offer you're going to get. We'll get better at all of this and we'll figure it out together."

He looks at me and nods and for the first time since he came to live with me, I feel like maybe I'm actually right about something.

Caleb

"Hey what are you doing here?" Georgia asks, looking up at me and smiling when I walk into the fish basket on Sunday afternoon.

I shrug and tell her that my mom came over for a fundraising meeting with the other Gator Moms so I had her drop me in downtown. I claimed I was going to the library, but the truth is I just didn't want to sit home alone. "So how was Hayden's meeting with Jax State?"

"Well, if you really want to know, you could ask him yourself." She replies with a bit of bite. Georgia has a razor sharp tongue and she's not afraid to use it.

"I could ask him, but we both know he's more honest with you than anyone else, so if I want the whole story I'd do better to get it from you."

"I'll give you that one. And he's not volunteered a lot, but I get the feeling it didn't go all that well. He and Avery are having lunch with the Carpenters this afternoon."

"What possible reason could he have for doing that?" I ask, feeling my stomach sink at the mention of Hayden's foster family. In some ways they were good to him, but in other ways it seemed like nothing Hayden did was ever quite good enough.

"Well, Jesse Carpenter is one of the heaviest hitting boosters in Grassland. I personally always believed that he fought so hard to keep Hayden because he wanted his own Gator football player and since he had a daughter, Hayden was his ticket in."

"Well what does that have to do with anything?"

"Dealing with college recruiters and coaches and interviewers is not for the faint of heart. God knows that's not Hayden's thing, and Avery's just a regular guy who works at the hospital. Mr. Carpenter is a business man. He's a negotiator. He swims with sharks all the time. I'm guessing that they want someone who knows how to navigate the shark infested waters of college football to help them make the best of this situation." She argues, and I'm struck again by how lucky Hayden is to have her in his corner.

"Why am I getting the impression that you're not so in favor of Hayden playing college ball?" I ask, genuinely surprised because I know Georgia wants to go to a good college and I know that would be easier if she didn't have to leave Hayden behind in Grassland... waiting for her.

"It's not that. It's not that at all. No one wants to see Hayden succeed at something more than me. And no one else knows how hard it is for him to believe that he's good for much of anything. I'd love to see him use football to go to college and do something... if that's what he wants to do. But I have this feeling that it'll be more like him using college to keep playing football because he doesn't know what else to do with himself, and that's just putting himself in the position to get a whole lot of hurt."

I nod because I know Hayden, and I know that what Georgia is saying happens a lot. "So if Jax State didn't go well, who else is talking to him?"

"I know scouts from Western Carolina and Texas Southern talked to Avery a few games ago, but we both know that there's no way that Hayden's going that far from home. Tennessee Tech has sent a couple of serious letters of interests. And Avery has been looking at Louisiana Monroe, Troy State and Georgia Tech as an outside possibility."

"Tennessee Tech is a good fit for Hayden...but a little far north for a beach bum. Troy is geographically good, but it's a crap program. I don't know about the rest." I say with a shrug.

"Oh Caleb, I didn't even ask about your appointment on Friday. How was it?"

I shrug again. "I didn't volunteer anything about it so that should give you a good idea. The truth is I'm not coming off the bench anytime soon."

"That sucks." She says with just enough sympathy to let me know she cares, but not enough to make me feel like a loser.

"Story of my life lately. So what about you? Hayden says you're locked into the University of Mobile?"

Now it's her turn to shrug and look uncomfortable. "I guess it's kind of up in the air until Hayden decides."

"Oh don't tell me the irrepressible Georgia Cooper is considering following a guy to college."

She gives me a withering look and I shrink back despite my best efforts. "No I'm not following a guy to college. I'm following Hayden. There's a big difference."

I nod. Yep, Georgia knows how to use her razor sharp tongue and Lord knows she's not afraid to draw blood.

Belle

I don't remember life before Hayden came to live with our family. I know we had other foster kids before him; boys that scared me and girls who intimidated me, but they're all just a blur of people that didn't matter. But then one day when I was eight, in moved this scraggly twelve-year-old with longer hair than he should have had and hollow eyes. He didn't talk to me for two weeks. I'm not sure he talked to anyone for longer than that. But then one day he did start talking to me. And he became the whole world to me.

He's sweet about it. I mean, he knows how I feel and he doesn't string me along, but he doesn't act like it doesn't matter either. My dad ignores it because he doesn't want to think that his little girl is growing up, especially if it involves the son he so desperately wants. My mom calls him my crush and I guess she's right. I know Hayden has a girlfriend; a beautiful girlfriend that he loves to insanity. But it doesn't change the fact that I'll be fourteen in three months, and I've never looked at any guy my own age the way I've been looking at Hayden since I was a starry eyed eight-year-old.

He's here now with his brother talking to my dad. I'm sitting on the stairs trying to listen to them talk. I'm not sure, but I think it's about him going to college which I find surprising because Hayden never seemed interested in going to college. I know my dad doesn't like Hayden's brother, but I think he seems like a nice guy. I mean, he's like not even thirty, but he's fought for all these years to get his little brother. That's saying a lot in my opinion. And now he's here with my dad, the same man he knows fought to keep him from getting custody of Hayden, but he's here because he wants to help Hayden get into college. That means something.

About that time, I look up and Hayden is leaving the room and joins me on the stairs.

"Well, they're just deciding my future in there. They don't need me for that." He says, plopping down a couple of steps below me. "So what's up with you?"

"Oh not much. I got moved to the top of the pyramid. There's talk about jumping me up to varsity next year even though I'll only be a freshman because they're graduating three of their strongest tumblers and I'm a really strong tumbler." I answer. The thing about Hayden is that even though I have these larger than life feelings for him, I'm never shy around him. I'm never tongue tied or afraid to talk. With most anyone else I'm always a little reserved, but with Hayden I can say anything and it's always been that way. He treats me like an adult. That means something at thirteen.

"Yeah? That'd be cool. I've gotten to be friends with a couple of freshmen; Carson Jennings of course, because he's had to step in at QB. He's a good guy. And Max, Coop's brother. He's still on JV but I've seen him play. He'll be starting by the end of next season 'cause we don't have any juniors or sophomores who can touch him at wide receiver. He's got this arm-span that's like seven feet."

"Your arm span is your height. Is he 7' tall?" I ask doubtfully. I know Max Cooper and he is tall, like his sister, but he's not 7'.

"No smarty he's not 7' tall. He's about 6'2" and still growing though."

"Height must run in their family. I've grown an inch and half this year which my coach isn't happy about because it's changes my trajectory on every apparatus. I face planted on a simple back handspring off the vault the other day because I just can't get used to having to pull this much body over the horse." I explain referring to gymnastics. I've been competing since I was five. I was really good for a while, but lately my hearts not in it. Unfortunately, my mom's heart is still in it so I keep trying.

He gives me a bemused expression and if he was anyone other than Hayden I'd think he was making fun of me.

"So tell me about college." I probe, changing the subject. "I always thought you were cradle to grave in Grassland. What's up with you going away to school?"

"It'd be temporary at best... and I'm still not thinking it's going to happen." He says, and I can't quite read him enough to know whether he's trying to cover the fact that he wants to go or whether he really wishes this hadn't happened.

"Well I wouldn't be so sure about it not happening. If you're brother has got my dad on the case, he's gonna move heaven and earth for this. You know how he feels about you."

"No Belle, I honestly have never known that." He answers, and I realize that's true. I know that my dad loves Hayden; wanted him to be his son. But I also know how hard daddy is on him; on both of us.

"He loves you. You're the son he always wanted and never had."

He's quiet for a minute, but I can tell he's thinking and finally he says, "I've never asked, but why didn't they have any other children besides you? You know, besides the obvious reason that they got it perfect the first time so why mess with perfection?" He teases, giving me that grin that makes my heart flip over.

"It took my mom twelve years to have me. She was on bed rest the whole time she was pregnant. The doctors told her she couldn't try again. They tried several different ways to adopt but..."

"All they ended up with were a bunch of grimy foster kids?"

I shake my head. "It wasn't like that. You were the only one who ever fit."

He looks at me long and hard and I always feel like he can see through me with those intense eyes of his. Finally, he nudges the bottom of my white tennis shoe and says, "Come of Belle. You know you're my family, but let's not pretend I ever fit in around here."

Caleb

November 2005

I sit on the bench watching as the clock runs out on the final seconds of the first round of the playoffs. The score is 36/12 Gators. Hayden rushed for 298 yards and scored three of the five touchdowns. There are scouts from four division-1-schools in the crowd, and Jesse Carpenter is working them all. They're all waiting on pins and needles for Hayden to give the all-important verbal. As of that morning on the way to school Hayden had no idea who he was going to commit to, and to me he still seemed like he didn't care.

When the game ends I make my way to the field house and change clothes quickly, avoiding Hayden and his entourage. I want to be happy for him, but the whole scene is more and more disconcerting... especially considering his playoff run was supposed to buy me enough time to get in front of the scouts again... not so that Hayden could get four scholarship offers and interviewed by every news station in the state.

I come out of the fieldhouse and run into Avery. He waves me over and shakes my hand. "So how's the shoulder healing?"

I know Avery works in radiology and I suspect he knows more than he lets on. And besides, the truth will be out soon enough. I sigh and say aloud the words only I, my parents and my doctors have said thus far. "I've been in therapy for about three weeks now. It's still early, but no one is real hopeful that I'm gonna regain enough range of motion to get back to football. And if by some chance I eventually do, it won't be before the playoffs end. I'm done with high school football."

Avery shakes his head. "Damn, Caleb. I'm so sorry. There's no one who deserves this less than you. I hate it."

I shrug. "I've had some time to get used to it and... I mean it is what it is. It was my fault. It's..."

"Don't say that. Everyone makes stupid choices when they're eighteen. Most of the time it doesn't change the rest of your life."

"Thanks. Actually... I'm thinking about turning in my uniform. I mean, what's the point of sitting on the bench when I'm never going to play again? I've already got a state ring. If I go get another one for a season when the only game I even played in didn't count toward our playoff standings, what's that even going to mean to me?"

Avery nods, but there's a look in his eyes that I can only describe as panic, and somehow I'm not surprised when he speaks. "Caleb, I have no right to say this. You have been through hell and if I were in your shoes, I promise you that I would never want to put on a Gator uniform again. But you can't quit... not now. Hayden is doing all of this for you. I'm telling you, I know lots of great things are coming his way and he's getting all the opportunities that you deserve. But if you quit on him, he's going to self-destruct and all those opportunities will be gone, and the state championship season with it. You want to be a part of getting this team to state? Well keep suiting up every week, because Hayden cannot lead this team to state without you."

I look at Avery for a long moment before the doors open and Hayden walks out with Jesse Carpenter and two men I assume are scouts surrounding him, all slapping him on the back and congratulating him as he strings them along while he continues his march to state.

I turn to Avery and I say, "Why does it matter so much to you? It looks like you've been replaced."

Avery nods and then shrugs. "Maybe I have. Sometimes I think Hayden wants to be with me, and other times I think he'd have rather stayed with the Carpenters. I don't know. But it doesn't change the fact that I want what's best for him. If I can help him get it then I'm going to, but if Jesse Carpenter can give it to him then so be it. I guess that's what I say should tell you that I'm not just blowing smoke. Hayden needs you man. He's done all of this for you. So now can you just do this for him?"

Georgia

"What are you doing home?" Max asks when I walk into the living room.

I sigh and say, "Hayden was having dinner with some scouts. I didn't feel like tagging along." Not that I'd been asked. Jesse Carpenter is currently calling the shots for Hayden and I know he's convinced I would hurt his chances with the recruiters. I know he'd never say that to Hayden now. He learned the hard way how well it worked to try and keep Hayden away from me.

"So who's the front runner right now?" He asks, holding out a bag of cheese puffs, but I pass on them.

"He's leaning toward Georgia Tech or Central Florida." I answer, taking away the remote to start scrolling through the guide of programs.

"And do you have a preference, since you're probably going to follow him there?" He probes, and I can see that he's judging me.

"I guess Georgia Tech." I answer after a few minutes. "It's a better college to begin with, and Emory is in Atlanta which was actually one of my back up choices. And it would be cool to live in Atlanta for a while. And it's closer to you."

"That's important." He interjects.

"Absolutely. And Orlando is just... ugh. I mean, you know once we go to all the theme parks, what's in Orlando except a bunch of old people? It's all the way down in the middle of Florida and you're still hours from a beach any which way you go. No, I'm definitely pulling for Georgia. I could be a Yellow Jacket girlfriend. And Emory Law School is ranked in the top 20." I add, as I search my phone

Max nods. "So this is a good thing."

"This is a good thing." I say with a sigh. "This can be a very good thing for us. I mean, I love Hayden and I'm willing to compromise for him to have a future. It's not like..."

"It's not like you're giving up everything you've worked for to go to the University of Mobile, right?"

I hate to be called out by anyone, but especially my little brother. "He almost died Max! Our best friend was mangled and everything was scary and changing too fast. I would have eventually figured out a way around the University of Mobile. Tulane is only a few hours' drive away. He would have adjusted to that. For that matter, Hayden would love New Orleans. He could have come with me for a few years. I mean, I'm not necessarily leaving home forever." I argue.

"Okay, Gigi, I have to say this because I love you. And I know you think I don't like Hayden, but you're wrong. Hayden's a good guy. He's been great to Carson. But here's the thing. You've worked so hard for all of these years to make the grades, to get the test scores. You've written essays and practiced interviews and all of this stuff to get to college. Tulane was always your first choice. And it's a good fit in a lot of ways; one being that it is only a few hours away from home and me, and I know that matters to you. So my question for you is, knowing Hayden and how he never even entertained these thoughts of going to college and playing football till the last few months, do you really think it's wise to follow him to a school, any school that you didn't plan to go to, when he could flunk out after a semester?"

At that moment I actually hate my beloved little brother. He's fifteen and he sounds so much wiser than me. But instead of agreeing I square my shoulders and I say, "You know maybe the reason Hayden never entertained these thoughts before is because no one ever believed in him before. No one told him he could be anything other than a has-been-player in a dead-end-town. And you're right. I have worked hard to make the grades and get the test scores. But that just means that I can go anywhere, and I will succeed anywhere. But Hayden needs this, and he'll need me wherever he ends up. And you have no idea what this is like and what it's like to love someone else... enough to put them before yourself. Someday I hope you do and when you do, I hope I'm more supportive to you than you have been to me!" I scream before storming out of the room.

More than an hour later I'm in bed and I can't seem to stop crying. I want to believe that this can work with Hayden and me. I want to believe that we can be the high school sweethearts from broken homes and foster care that beat the system. But the odds seem so big and I feel so unsure. I'm lying in bed, wishing against everything that Hayden was with me. I'm always so much more certain when we're together. And just then I hear a tap at my window.

He climbs in the window and I immediately fall against him sobbing.

"What's wrong?" He asks, holding me tightly against him.

"I'm just so scared Hayden. We're making all of these decisions right now and they're going to determine the rest of our lives and how do we know we're making the right choices? I mean, we don't have parents and Avery's just a little older than us and I don't trust Jesse Carpenter because he doesn't even think I'm good enough for you and..."

"Shhh, it's all going to be fine." He says, rocking me back and forth and kissing my forehead. "UCF has offered me a full ride and books and a private campus suite. I'm not even sure what that means, but he pretty much indicated that if you stayed there with me they'd look the other way. And I told them about you and how brilliant you are and it's going to be great. We're going to go there and go to school and then we can, you know, come home and live out the life that we're planning. Don't be scared Coop. I love you and I will always take care of us."

Aimee

Standardized college testing is of the devil. I've been reading through the same page over and over and I'm still getting nowhere. I hate studying and I'm bad at it. I just wish my mom would let it go. College isn't for everyone and I'm starting to feel more convinced that it isn't for me. Furthermore, I feel 100% certain that God never meant for me to spend a Sunday afternoon like this. I'm contemplating a much needed snack break when someone knocks on my door. I open it, and I'm stunned to find Georgia on the other side.

"Your mom let me in. I hope this is okay." She says, looking uncommonly uncomfortable.

"Sure." I answer though secretly I'm stunned she's here. She hasn't made eye contact with me even once since Caleb and I broke up.

As if reading my thoughts, she quickly adds, "I'm sure you're as shocked to see me as I am to be here."

"No actually, I've been expecting you. You want to know why I broke up with Caleb. Am I right?" I ask defensively.

She gives me a strangely bemused expression and says, "Yes; me and everyone else in Grassland, but I suspect even you don't know the entire reason. No I want to ask you about before ... when Caleb was the golden boy and you were going to ride off into the sunset together. What were your plans then? College, marriage, a job?"

I stare at her for a full minute waiting for the punch line, but then I realize that she's actually here asking me this question... as if she really thinks there's an answer that will tell her anything. "Seriously Georgia? You know I didn't have any plans. My plan was me and Caleb. And you know something, you're wrong. I know exactly why I broke up with him and that's it. Because when he got hurt and football was off the table, I realized that I was following this boy that I thought I loved, that I hope loved me. But I didn't have any plans to go to college. There's was nothing I was going to major in or nothing I wanted to 'be when I grew up.' And if Caleb had a back-up plan... I'd never bothered to ask. I just blindly threw all my eggs into one basket without any idea what would happen when... they ended up scrambled."

She gives me that fiercely loyal look that she reserves for Hayden and Caleb... and certainly not me, and says with all her righteous indignation. "Caleb will be fine... with or without football. He will go to a good college and he'll have a career and a life. Caleb will succeed whether he ever throws another pass or not."

I look away fighting the urge to cry because I know I'm a villain, and I suppose I deserve it. So I nod and say, "You're right and I know you're right. But the point is, I never bothered to think that far into my own future. And that was a terrifying feeling. And I guess... I figured if I really loved him, I shouldn't have been that terrified."

Now it's Georgia's turn to sigh and sink onto the end of my bed. "I hope that's not true because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really love Hayden. But I'm absolutely terrified about following him to school because I can't help thinking that... what if he doesn't make it? He's never wanted this. All he's ever wanted in his life is to stay here. I feel like he's caught up in this whole 'Gatormania' and he's gonna go to college just because everyone wants him and... he's not used to everyone wanting him. And then what if he hates it? What if he doesn't make the grades and he flunks out? Then he's back in Grassland living out his dream, and I'm stuck in Orlando. I've lost my scholarships and my spot at my dream school so I can end up alone going to a school who lists among their notable alumni a member of Menudo."

I mentally warn myself against saying anything substantial. Georgia's presence here now doesn't mean that we're friends, and I know that she's likely to take whatever I say the wrong way and turn on me. But then I think about those few minutes when it felt like we were becoming friends, and I decide to just say what I think. "Georgia, I know that to call us friends is probably an overstatement, and I'm the last person in the world who should give anyone advice of any kind... especially relationship advice, but you can't do this. I hope that Hayden goes to college and does great and surprises the heck out of all of us, but if he does... it has to be because he does it and not because you're there making him do it. But whether he does or doesn't... you've got dreams and they're not UCF."

"But Hayden just needs someone to believe in him..."

"You can believe in him from New Orleans."

She looks at me and I realize what I've said so I quickly tell a small white lie. "I was in mom's office and I saw your folder. Don't worry. She swore me to a blood oath that I would never tell anyone." No need to break the trust she has in my mom.

She nods. "I've made him all these promises. UCF offered me an academic scholarship without even meeting me. I'm part of his 'deal'. Jesse Carpenter won't let him give the verbal till after state. He seems to think as long as Hayden keeps winning they'll keep offering things. That scares me too. What if we don't win State and instead they start taking things away?"

"Georgia do you remember that night at the Fish Basket when you told me that the only thing that scared you more than leaving Hayden, is not leaving him and staying here and resenting him?"

She nods and I can tell she's about to cry. "And you told me that no matter what college I went to someday I'll come back to him and when I do, he'll welcome me back with open arms." She covers her face for a minute and when she looks back, tears are now streaming down her face. "What if you're wrong Aimee?"

I shrug and sigh, "And if I am... wouldn't you rather end it like this than to follow him somewhere you don't want to be and end up hating each other?"

Caleb

December 2005

The bus pulls into Auburn University and the sign reads, 'Welcome to the 2005 Alabama State High School Football Championship.' I look at Hayden's face and I can't remember if he looked this excited last year when we pulled up to Bryant Denney. That was the dream... playing in Tuscaloosa. But I think he's even more awestruck now than he was then. Of course I guess it's no wonder. Last year I was leading the team. This year Hayden hasn't lead them... he's dragged them every step of the way. He looks at me with a mixture of wonder and relief and says, "We're here man. We're really here."

I nod and force a smile. I made a vow to myself that I was going to make this weekend count. It's the last time Hayden and I will ever be on the field together. Even though I'm not playing, we're in our Gator green and gold for the last time ever... and while no one knows it, I'm in pads and helmet for the last time ever. My teammates, Hayden included, only know that I haven't recovered enough to play this season, but they all think I'll walk on in the fall; somewhere. And there's nothing to stop me from doing just that... except the fact that I'll never be Caleb Sanders again. I might play somewhere... but not anywhere in the SEC. And I'll never go to the NFL. As much as I love football, I can't settle for being anything less than the superstar. It's all I know how to be. So I've faced up to the fact that it's over and I've accepted that. But God I dread telling Hayden the truth.

I had an unofficial visit to Jordan Hare last fall and I remember the feeling of walking through those tunnels and onto the same field that was home to Bo Jackson, Cam Newton and Nick Marshall – to name a few. I see it on everyone else's face; Carson Jennings... the freshman who's stepped into my spot at quarterback looks like a little kid on Christmas morning. But the truth is a lot of my friends look like that. Hayden is a die-hard Bama fan, but I know several of these boys pull for the Tigers and I know being here is a dream come true.

I remember what Avery said about Hayden doing this for me and I know it's true. It doesn't make me any less envious of him. Just like being envious of him doesn't make me any less happy for him. It's just the way it is. But knowing that what Avery said is true, and looking at my teammates' faces, I know that I am a part of this even if I haven't played since the season opener. I'm still a team captain, and I'm still their quarterback. I helped get them here and of that I'm proud. But I'm also ready for it to be over so that I can get on with a life of my own... whatever that might look like.

The team goes down to practice, and I watch for a while but then I wander away, knowing no one will notice or say anything. I walk around campus for a while, thinking about college and where I want to go. I've visited here plenty of times and if things had gone as they should have I might well have ended up here. But now everything is different and my parents are pushing for Mississippi State. It's only a few hours' drive from home and it's a good engineering school. I always said I would major in engineering because it sounded good and ambitious and I excel in math and science. But it didn't matter because I wasn't going to use whatever I majored in. I was going to play football. Now that I'm coming to terms with the reality that football isn't going to be a part of my future I'm starting to really think about what I want to do with my life.

I'm so lost in thought that I don't even realize that anyone is calling my name till I'm face to face with Georgia.

"How'd you get out of practice?" She asks, falling in step with me after our initial greeting.

"Shhh, I snuck out. I'm hoping no one will notice. So are you headed over to the field?"

"Yeah, I dropped Max off to watch and went and parked the car a million miles away and now I'm walking over to meet him... and see Hayden before tomorrow. I know you guys are going to be locked away tonight."

"So he's going to commit to UCF after the game?" I ask, and I wonder again how she really feels about that.

"It looks like it. What about you? Hayden says you'll walk on somewhere in the fall."

I look down at my shoes for a minute and then I sigh and say what I haven't said to any of my other friends. "No Georgia. I'm done. The shoulder has pretty much improved as much as it's going to. I'm actually... withdrawing from Grassland and transferring to Pascagoula High School next semester. I won't be graduating with you guys."

"Caleb no!" She cries, throwing her arms around me. "You can't do that. Is Dale Asher doing this? Is he making you give up the rental house? If he thinks..."

"Georgia, no. Dale Asher has been nothing but great. Everyone at school has been. This was my decision... one my parents actually strongly oppose." I assure her, feeling the reality of my decision settling in, but at the same time feeling like a weight has been lifted now that I've finally told one of my two best friends.

"But why? I mean, you're one of us. I don't care where you live. You're a Gator if there ever was one and you should graduate with us. This is... just the worst news imaginable right now." She says, clearly fighting tears.

"Come on. We'll still see each other. I'm fully released to drive now. It's not like..." I stop and take in her emotional outburst and says, "Is there something else going on with you?"

She nods and now I know that her tears are right under the surface and they're not for me. "I'm not going to Orlando with Hayden. Mrs. Asher made the call yesterday and accepted my full financial package at Tulane."

"Tulane? Georgia that's amazing." I say, hugging her again. "When did this happen?"

"I applied for early admission a while back. I had to make a decision or lose my spot so I made it." She says bravely before her face crumples. "I'm waiting till after the game tomorrow to tell Hayden and it's killing me. And now you're going to tell him this and... this is supposed to be one of the best weekends of his life. Maybe I should wait."

"Okay... here's the thing. I know that you didn't come to this decision lightly. And I know that if it wasn't really important you wouldn't have done it. And keeping a decision this big from Hayden will ultimately hurt him more than what you're going to tell him. The same is true for me. We just both have to be there for him and keep him focused on what he's got going for him. Which... let's face it, is everything."

Georgia stops in front of the stadium and touches my arm. "Caleb, are you leaving school because Hayden is now... well..."

"Me?" I finish for her.

"Well yeah, I guess so." She says with a nervous laugh.

I look down again and then I look back up and stare Georgia in the eyes. "I love Hayden. You know that. He's my best friend. He's the best friend any guy could have. I'm happy for him. He deserves every good thing he's gotten. It's just... for so long it's been like we were even. I was the superstar with the great future... but he had you... now he's got all the good things that I've always had and he's still got you." I watch for one, two, three heartbeats as all the color drains from Georgia's beautiful face and I laugh nervously. "It's okay Georgia. I know you didn't know and I know you don't feel that way about me. I don't even know if I feel that way about you. But I've always wondered what would have happened if I'd been the one who belonged here and he'd been the outsider; if I'd met you first and he'd come along after you were already so in love with me that no one else ever even stood a chance. But that's not how it happened. It's you and Hayden. It's always been you and Hayden and... no matter what happens when you tell him about Tulane it's always going to be you and Hayden. And even if it wasn't, it's never going to be us."

"Caleb... I...what about Aimee?"

I shake my head. "Aimee..." Aimee is the one thing I can't talk about. Aimee was the reason that I never cared before that Hayden had Georgia. Aimee, more than football or school or anything else, was what really evened the score. But none of that matters anymore. So I shrug and say, "Aimee is Aimee. This has nothing to do with her."

"I think you're wrong. I think..."

"Shhh, please don't say anything. Just tell me you understand that I need some distance. I need a fresh start." I ask, again knowing that what I said could have eternal repercussions but also feeling like I've freed a little part of my soul by finally saying it out loud. "And also tell me we're still going to be friends and you're not going to be weird with me because you and Hayden are my oldest and closest friends and the last thing in the world that I want is for things to be weird with us."

She's just looking at me, like maybe she's in shock and I wonder if this was a bigger deal to come clean with than I thought. And then just when I think she's finally going to say something...

"Where'd you go man? You missed the ultra-moving-pre-game-pep-talk." Hayden jokes joining us with Max Cooper and Carson Jennings trailing behind him. He throws an arm casually around Georgia's shoulder like I've seen him do a million times and says, "Come on. We're starving. Cal, you coming with us?"

I look at Georgia and she's still stunned, but she's instinctively leaned into Hayden as if she's trying to put him between us; like she thinks she needs to now. So I shake my head and say, "No my parents are probably here. I promised I'd eat with them. But I'll catch up with you guys later."

"Absolutely. It's our last-night-before-the-game. It's gonna be epic." Hayden yells over his shoulder as they start off in search of food.

I turn and watch them go and think, "Yes epic is the right word for it."

Hayden

27/10 Gators. And I scored the final touchdown as well as two more. In reality it was never even close.

After the game I'm being interviewed by reporters from every news station in Alabama and several from Florida as well, awaiting the announcement that's all but a formality. I look around for Coop or Caleb; even Avery, but none of them are anywhere to be seen. But Mr. Carpenter is there and before I have time to think he's dragging me over to the coach from UCF and, with cameras rolling I give the verbal. Hayden Nichols is going to a Division 1 college on a full football scholarship.

Finally, I get to shower and change and find Caleb who's already dressed... not wearing anything Gator; even his letter jacket which he always wears. "Come on! We've got four hours till curfew. Let's find Coop and go celebrate!"

Caleb shakes his head and nods toward the parking lot. We walk outside and there are still a few fans milling around, most of them stop to congratulate me. It's amazing to me that even after just a few months Caleb is virtually unknown to people. "Can we talk for a minute first?"

"Sure." I say, wondering what could possibly be so serious. We just won our second State title in two years!

Caleb takes a deep breath and says, "There's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to say it and say it fast. I'm never going to be able to play football again; not like before anyway. I've got to make getting an academic scholarship my number one priority so I've decided the only thing I can reasonably do is transfer to school at home and finish up there. I won't be back in Grassland next semester."

I stare at him for a full minute and then I burst out laughing. "What the hell? You really had me going for a minute man. Don't pull that crap again, okay? I'm wound too tight for that."

"It's not crap. It's the truth. I've already done all the paperwork and registered there. I have an exam Monday and then I'm done."

I search his face and I see it... I have no choice but to believe that what he's saying is true. "Is this because of me?"

He shakes his head. "Hayden you're my best friend. This doesn't change that. I just need to get away from... all of it. I've already missed most of the deadlines, but my parents have looked into some late application fees and I've got one semester left to throw myself into my schoolwork and to college applications and interviews and I don't need to be driving an hour and a half to and from school just to get the same education I'd be getting fifteen minutes from home."

I shake my head and say, "I did all of this to get you back in front of the scouts. Tell me you know that."

"I know that. And I am grateful for it. I wish... I wish it hadn't been a wasted effort. But you've had an amazing season and you've got your shot. So take it and go do great things."

All at once the enormity of what I've done crashes into me and I say, "Great things? Cal, I don't even have a major. I don't have anything I want to major in. What the hell am I doing this for? I don't wanna do this. I don't care about college. I don't care about playing college ball. It's not like I'm going to the NFL. I mean just getting this far was hard enough. What am I gonna do when I graduate? Like that's even going to happen." I sigh and realize I haven't breathed easy since the first college recruiter showed up in my life.

"You could coach..." He begins tentatively.

"Yeah, me in education. That's going to happen." I say sarcastically.

"You're good with technology. You could do computers."

"I'm good at splicing into the neighbor's cable and hacking into someone else's Wi-Fi to look at porn. I'm not going to turn that into a career."

"Hayden don't do this. You have worked too hard. Avery, Jesse Carpenter, Georgia, Coach; they've all pushed you and supported you to make this happen. You've got to follow through with this now. You'll figure it out."

I shake my head. "You know the only thing about this that's keeping me from absolutely telling them all to go to hell is Coop. If Coop and I weren't in this together there's no way that I could even begin to face this." I close my eyes and run my fingers through my hair and then I look up again; and I can't help wondering if it's my imagination or if there's some reason that Caleb won't look me in the eye.

Georgia

I wake up just as the bed sags under the weight of another person. I start to panic and then I recognize a familiar shape.

"Hayden Nichols what are you doing here? You scared me to death."

"I missed you. You and Max took off after the game before we even got to celebrate. Then I was stuck on the bus and this is the first time I could get over here. I knocked but you didn't hear me and I didn't want to knock too loud. I was afraid I'd wake Max. He's put on like 25 lbs. of muscle this year. I don't relish getting my ass kicked by a protective fifteen-year-old."

"I'm glad you're here. I missed you too." I whisper, snuggling into his side. "I know about Caleb. Are you okay?"

He shakes his head. "It hurt like hell Coop, but you know I get it."

I laugh. "No you don't. You are Grassland. Caleb might need space and distance, but this place heals you."

"This place and you." He says, holding me tighter.

I sigh and take a deep breath. "Hayden, you know that I love you... more than anyone else on earth. You heal me. You're my home." I pause for a minute collecting my thoughts before I finally continue. "When you first started to realize that colleges wanted you to play ball do you remember how you felt?" He nods and I continue. "That's exactly how I felt when I started realizing that schools wanted me for my grades and my test scores... and one of the schools that I always wanted is Tulane in New Orleans. I picked it for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because it's two and half hours from here. I could come home at least a few times a month. Anyway... Tulane is a big deal academically. And they accepted me into their early admission program. They want me... the same way UCF wants you. They've offered me a full ride and... Hayden I love you more than anything, but if I go with you to Orlando and I miss this opportunity there will come a time when I'll resent you. I won't be able to help it. So I accepted their offer on Friday. I'm not going with you to school."

I feel him go still in my arms and even though he's still there next to me, still touching me, still holding me... he's gone. I feel it the minute it happens. And I feel that desperate, terrified part of me begin to bubble to the surface. It's that part of me that used to make out with his friends just to get his attention; just to hurt him so he'd know how much I hurt when I thought of losing him, and it's that part of me that I've tried so hard to banish forever. But there it is, pushing me to do something desperate to hang on to him, but I fight the urge and instead say, "Hayden talk to me."

He finally pulls away and shrugs. "What do you want me to say? You've made your decision. I'm the last person in the world who would hold you back."

"Tell me that you still love me and you understand and you forgive me... and that we can make this work." I plead, feeling myself begin to unravel.

"I still love you and I understand and I forgive you." He says hollowly as he begins moving toward the window.

"Hayden don't do this. If you walk out of here, like this, we will never fix it. We are done!" I cry frantically.

He turns to me with his open face and the eyes that tell me everything, but all I can see in his eyes now is resentment and distrust. I watch as walls visibly go up around his heart. "Is that an ultimatum?"

"No." I sob. "I'm just saying that we'll never be able to put it back together. Please stay here and fight with me. You're mad at me, that's fine. I can take it, but don't leave me."

He looks at me coldly and says, "I'm not the one who's leaving." And then he's gone.

Aimee Asher

April 2009

"Aren't you going to do anything?" Mama asks, and even across hundreds of miles I can feel her disappointment. She just called because daddy wanted me to know that Hayden's parole came through. Even more than three years after he led the Gators to State daddy still sees him as a star, and the boosters will always take care of their stars.

"I'm nearly seven hundred miles away. And besides, I think I've done enough. Don't you?" I answer numbly.

"He was your friend... sometimes more." She says, her tone rife with accusation. "I don't expect you to come and throw him a welcome home party, but you could at least reach out to him some way. He's coming home and he has no one."

"He has a brother. He has the Carpenters." I argue. "And all he'd have to do is ask and Caleb and Georgia would be there tomorrow."

"He won't ask. They left him so you know good and well he'll never ask."

"You told me... you said it yourself that Hayden Nichols was a dead end for me! Now what? He's out of prison and suddenly he's a good idea?" I rant, stomping around the kitchen. No one was harder on Hayden than my mother and now she's suggesting that I nurse him through his reintroduction into society from prison? I'm the last person who should do that for anybody... especially Hayden.

He's a friend and he needs friends right now."

"You're wrong, mama. I wouldn't have ever even spoken to Hayden if he hadn't been Caleb's best friend. He was never anything more to me that Caleb's best friend."

"Never? What about after Caleb?" She presses.

I close my eyes to hold the memories at bay before I answer softly. "He was even less."

October 2007

I hit the snooze for the second time and then I roll over and stare up at the ceiling. Hayden is sleeping beside me, but I don't try to wake him. He works 11pm-7am at the seafood packing plant so he's only been home a little over an hour. I've got class this morning at 10:00 and a pretty good drive to get there so I slide out of bed and go to the bathroom to get dressed as quickly as possible. I rush out the door, and down the stairs from our apartment knowing I'll never make it to Mobile to school and get parked in time for my class, but what else is new? I'm only still going because that's the only way my parents will keep helping with my rent. What they don't know, or at least pretend not to know is that Hayden is the one paying the other half of the rent. Of course I don't know how they think I'm living here without help. I'm lucky if I get twenty hours a week working after class and Saturdays at Sophie's Boutique downtown. I'm increasingly convinced that if something hasn't improved by January I'm not going back to school. I can get a job working full-time and at least contribute more to the rent.

I hit Hwy 90 and crank up my radio and think about Hayden and me. Hayden and I have been "whatever we are" for almost a year and before that we hung out all the time; and by hanging out I mean, he got drunk, we had sex, he resented me because I'm not Georgia and I felt guilty because I thought of Caleb the whole time. The funny thing is that even after all this time I still can't think of us as a couple. I'm me and Hayden is Hayden and even living in an apartment and sharing a bed doesn't make us anything other than Hayden... and me. What's more, Hayden has never pretended to want us to be anything more. We live together because neither of us can afford rent alone. We sleep together because it's easier to be with each other than it is to be with someone else who might expect us to pretend to have real feelings for them.

And it's not that Hayden is mean to me. We have fun. As a matter of fact, I actually like him way better than I ever thought I would when we were younger; he's funny in a dark and twisted sort of way and he's smarter than anyone would guess. But another funny thing is this; I can admit to myself now that I always had a thing for Hayden. He was crazy hot and the way he and Georgia were together made everyone want to be with him. But in reality, most of the time he's crawling into bed when I'm getting out of it, and I think that's how we both want it. Even when we are together it's not nearly as hot as he and Georgia were just making out at her locker.

I slink into the back row of my algebra class, thankful my instructor is facing the black board and I struggle to stay awake as he monotonously drones on about theorems and proving quadratic equations and solving for X. I'm on academic probation for the second semester. I want to ask these people what they expected. I got a 19 on my ACT and I graduated high school with a C+ and I only took the most basic classes required. They're the ones who accepted me with open arms so how dare they act surprised that I'm academically challenged.

Even Hayden's academic record wasn't as dismal as mine. He graduated with a B-, though most of that was courtesy of Georgia or an accommodating Gator Babe who did his homework or let him cheat off her. But when UCF forced him to take the ACT he scored a 23 without even really trying; proof that he could have done it, if he'd just tried. Not like me; all that time I spent trying to hitch my star to Caleb's was time well-spent because it turns out I'm not qualified to be anything more than someone's trophy. I drive home after class and have an hour before I have to work so with no one else to see I go to school, hoping to catch mama in her office.

"Hey babe. Have a seat." She says, motioning me into her office and then giving a few one word answers on the phone. She hangs up and says, "I'm so glad you came by. I have a homecoming emergency."

"A homecoming emergency? Is that even a real thing?" I ask skeptically.

"It is now. Eleanor Murphy is the reigning homecoming queen and thus supposed to come back and crown the current court, but she's in school in Kentucky."

"Oh yes, she's the one who dated that basketball player." Grassland churns out successful football stars at a steady pace, but someone getting a basketball scholarship to go to Kentucky is a big deal around here. Apparently Eleanor Murphy agreed because she followed him across several states.

"Well she's not coming home to crown the new court and we've called every runner up from last year and the queens from the two years before and can't get anyone. Can you do it? We can introduce you as a former court member."

"I wasn't on court." I argue with a sudden sense of discontent.

"You were on the court every year of your life... until..."

"Until I broke the golden boy's heart and became the social pariah." I reply bitterly.

"Aimee that was a long time ago." She argues.

"I'm still with Hayden and Hayden is still a local hero. If they remember Hayden, they remember Caleb and if they remember Caleb, they remember what I did to Caleb. I just can't mama."

"You have to Aimee. It's an..."

"Emergency?"

"Yes. Please." She begs and I know without a doubt that mama is trying with all her might to get me to remember what it used to be like to be me... someone people respected and looked up to instead of that girl whose football-player-boyfriend got hurt so then she slept with his best friend who ended up working at the seafood packing plant.

"Keep trying, but if you don't get anyone else I'll do it." I relent.

She comes out from behind her desk and hugs me tightly. "Thanks darling. I owe you one." She says, reaching back across the desk for some crackers and passing them to me. "You look too thin. Are you feeling okay?"

I nod. "I'm just tired. The drive to school every day is getting to me."

"I wish you'd live in the dorm, or even in an apartment close by." She says as if she hasn't said it a million times.

"I don't want to live in Mobile."

"Oh God forbid. You'd have to leave Hayden." She says with disgust. "Oh God, please tell me you're not tired because you're pregnant because I love you honey, but I can't even begin to tell you what a disaster it would be..."

"I'm not pregnant." I snap. I don't volunteer that A.) Hayden – even drunk – is fanatical about birth control and condoms. B.) I just came off my period. And C.) We haven't done anything since then so there's no way I could be pregnant... thank God. Because D.) I can't begin to say what a disaster it would be if Hayden and I got pregnant.

"Honey I just want you to figure out what you want and how to get it and stop wasting your time with Hayden."

"It's not Hayden's fault, mama. I'm a mess all by myself."

"Well he's not helping you."

"You know..." I say, standing up and throwing the crackers back across the desk. "Maybe daddy should get in his truck and drive across a state line and see if he can recruit another husband for me, and maybe this time he won't get drunk and flip his car in a ditch and ruin both of our lives. "At least with Hayden I know exactly what I'll get and exactly what to expect."

Georgia

"Okay sweetie. I love you too. And I'll see you at the end of the week." I say hanging up the phone. I groan out loud and fall face first on my bed. "Oh God... don't make me do this!" I say to no one in particular. I lay face down for a few minutes before I pick up the phone and dial again.

"Hey Georgia Grace." Caleb says, sounding mildly distracted. But Caleb is in his second year of pre-med at UAB so he's usually always mildly distracted.

"Okay I have the biggest favor in the whole world to ask you, and you have every single right to say no, but if you do I'll just die." I say desperately.

"Well since it's no big deal." He teases.

"I have to go home this week because... it's homecoming and Max is on homecoming court and he's a starting wide receiver and he's amazing and I'm the person who ooh's and ah's and takes his picture and tells him he's amazing and beautiful and last year I went to every home game because..."

"Because Hayden was in Orlando." He finishes for me.

"Exactly and now he's not and I've not been to a single game. Max is a junior and he's not happy with me. So I have to go to homecoming... the parade and the game and everything and if I run into Hayden and Aimee I'm going to throw myself off the top level of Charles Moore-Haley Memorial Stadium... so will you please go with me?"

"Don't you have a boyfriend? Isn't this his job?"

I sigh. "Yes, but I like Simon and he doesn't like me enough yet to get to see me in Grassland. Please Caleb." I plead again.

"Okay fine, but if you throw yourself off the top level of Charles Moore-Haley Memorial Stadium you have to take me with you." He says.

"It's a deal." I say with a laugh. "Boy wouldn't that make the Grassland Gazette's front page? I can see the headlines now – former QB and local bad girl."

"You were not a bad girl." He argues.

"I wasn't bad, but I was a bad girl. Speaking of girls, do I need to ask anyone's permission before I drag you off to be my homecoming escort this weekend?" I pry. Caleb and I talk on average about once a week. I tell him every time I have a blind date, a fix up, or even a group outing that could eventually turn into a date, but he never mentions anyone or anything.

"Goodbye Georgia. Call me later in the week when you have details of when to meet you."

And this conversation with him will be no different.

I look at my phone and realize it's almost 4:00. I grab my backpack and step into my favorite Yellow Box, thankful it's warm enough even in mid-October for flip flops, and then run out the door, through the common room I share with three other girls. It's empty now, which isn't all that uncommon. I'm currently in my second year living in Butler Hall, the dorm reserved for honor students. Most of us take full class loads, have multiple extracurricular activities and many of us have jobs. I can't help but think about how different it is from high school where I always wore a label – girl from the trailer park; girlfriend of a long-haired-trouble-maker; girl whose boobs are too big and pants are too tight. Here I'm one of the smart girls; one of the girls who are involved in all the prestigious clubs and organizations. Here I'm the kind of girl other girls want to be.

I speed across Uptown campus and wave at a few people I recognize along the way. I push open the doors of HK/NOLA at 4:05 and cross the floor quickly to a table in the back. I kiss Simon on the cheek and then slide into the booth across from him. "I'm so sorry I'm late. Max called."

"No problem. I ordered for you. It'll be up soon." He replies, passing me a Dr. Pepper with lots of ice. "So how's your day?" He asks.

Simon Edwards is possibly the sweetest guy I've ever met. He's polite and well mannered, even though he's from Indiana and I've always been told that Yankees are inherently rude. He didn't hold my hand until our second date and he asked permission first. He's cute in a sort of less obvious way with shorter than fashionable sandy hair, and serious gray eyes behind wire rimmed glasses. He's tall and lanky and has adorable dimples. We've been dating since we met over the summer at my internship with the department of family and children services.

I tell him about my classes today which included a big presentation in my Introduction to Social Policy and Practices class. "I was panicked but it went good. I just did like you said; I took a deep breath, pulled my shoulders back and did it exactly like we practiced."

"I told you you'd do fine." He says with a smile as they set my dirty bird sandwich in front of me and his avocado hummus in front of him. He looks at my plate, already dripping with Choo Choo BBQ sauce and coleslaw and brisket debris, and for a minute I'm afraid he's going to heave. He's a vegetarian and I love to torment him by tearing through some form of meat at every meal.

"How do you work here and shovel this stuff on plates?" I ask affectionately.

"Oh well that's easy. I get to work with you." He teases.

His break ends just in time for my shift to start so we both get back to work. He stays until after 6:00 when he has to be at class across campus. He's a first year law student whose father, mother, uncle, and older sister all came south to go to Tulane Law School. He kisses me quickly and heads out, promising to call me when he gets in and make sure I'm safely back in my dorm room from work. I have not one doubt that he'll do just as he says.

The deli closes and we quickly clean up and then I head back to my dorm; with a buddy because that's campus safety policy. Halle Brooks is another honor student who lives three floors down and we try to mirror our closing shifts so we can walk home together. We're not exactly friends, but we can converse easily enough as we walk. She asks me a million questions about Simon and I ask about her boyfriend who works in town as a musician. We part ways at the elevator and then I head into my room where Lauren, a gorgeous black girl from Pensacola, is sitting on the sofa with her legs over the arm and her laptop on her stomach.

"Hey Gigi." She says absently. Most of my roommates, upon hearing that my initials are GG adopted the nickname that Max has always used.

"Hey Lo. How's your day?"

"Ish, I guess. You better get your phone ready. Boyfriend will be calling soon to make sure you're in safely." She teases but I can tell she finds it a bit overbearing. I think it's sweet, although there's a small part of me that appreciates a guy who knows I can take care of myself.

Right on cue the phone rings and I go into my bedroom and we talk for a few minutes before he tells me goodnight. I take my toiletry bag down the hall and go get ready for bed. I find it's less crowded and rushed in the bathroom at night.

I come back to my suite and the common area is once again empty so I go into my room and do a little homework. I finished most of it this afternoon. Then I scroll through Netflix and find a movie on my laptop, start playing it and snuggle under the covers. And then just like I do every night, I allow myself five minutes to think about Hayden. I wonder what he's doing and if he's happy? I know he's still with Aimee. They were sleeping together even before we graduated high school, but never seemed to particularly like each other. I can't help believing it's not any different now. I wonder if he misses football or if he's just relieved to be back in Grassland. I allow myself five minutes to just miss him... with all my heart. And I wonder if he still misses me; if he ever misses me. And then my five-minutes end, and I turn over and go to sleep.

Caleb

When I left Grassland after State, I figured I'd be back there all the time. Hayden was there. Georgia was there. I wasn't 100% sure that I wouldn't someday end up with Aimee again. But then Hayden and Georgia broke up... for real, and Hayden began sleeping with everything that walked, Aimee included. And now it's been nearly two years since I crossed into the city limits where the sign says. "Welcome to Grassland – where the grass really is greener." But here I am. Going to a parade for the Grassland Gators no less.

"You look amazing Georgia." I say truthfully when she opens the door to the trailer where she was raised.

"You too. It's so good to see you." She replies and I know she means it.

"Are we seriously doing this? We're really going to a homecoming parade?" I say with dismay.

"Max is in it, so yeah."

"I can't believe he's a junior. What was he, eight, when we met?" I ask, as she locks the door and follows me down the steps.

"I think so. He's a good kid. And a good player." She says as we walk toward my car. "Look at you. You take the boy out of the country and suddenly he's driving a Mustang?"

I grin and look at the vintage red Mustang with pride. "When I made the dean's list last semester and got a really good scholarship for sophomore year my parents took part of my college fund and made the down payment. It's pretty sharp isn't it?"

"Are you kidding? Hayden will have a stroke." She says and then we both stop and stare at each other and I can tell by her face that she's rattled. "Where did that come from? I never talk about him anymore."

I shrug. "It's normal. We're back here for the first time in forever. And for the record, I said the same thing when I got it. I sent him a picture and he sent back some illegible response that I think was supposed to say 'awesome'."

"Do you hear from him often?" She asks and I realize in that moment that nothing has changed. Even though we talk every few days and she tells me who she's dating and she never mentions Hayden or home or any of it, she's still as wrapped around him as she ever was.

"Not much. I mean... he's living with my ex-girlfriend. And he knows I'm still friends with you. It's awkward. We're not exactly not friends anymore, but we don't know how to deal with each other."

We slide into the car and I crank the engine, but then I turn to her and say, "Seriously Georgia, are you going to be able to handle this? You know the chances are excellent that we'll see him."

"Of course. I'm fine." She assures me, even though I don't believe her.

We ride to the parade, talking about old times and school and we find a place on main street where we have an excellent view. We know most everyone we see and they all talk to us like we're old friends. Most people make some comment to Georgia about Max... a new superstar is born I suppose.

On the way home Georgia turns to me and says, "Are you still in love with Aimee?"

I counter with, "Are you still in love with Hayden?"

"Obviously." She answers without hesitation.

"Really?" I ask, looking over at her in amazement before turning my eyes back to the road.

"You're surprised? I thought it was pretty common knowledge." She answers calmly.

"Oh it is, but I didn't think you knew it... or at least would admit it." I add which evokes a rueful laugh. "And no I'm not in love with Aimee."

"Well I still love Hayden, but I don't know if we could ever manage to be together again. We hurt each other a lot this time." She says, and I know she's still hurting. But then again he is too. "So what's the deal with you never dating anyone?"

"I date people. Just because I don't tell you doesn't mean I'm wasting away in celibacy while I'm in college of all places. I'm not a monk Georgia." I say sarcastically and then I glance sideways at her and add, "And I'm not carrying a big old Georgia shaped torch if that's what you're afraid of either."

"You're not?" She asks, and I'm floored because I realize that she's clearly been worried about it.

"No Georgia!" I say with righteous indignation.

"Well I'm sorry, but you told me that you were leaving school because Hayden had all the scholarships and me and then I spent the next three months throwing myself at you and you never took the hint. I didn't know what to think."

"Georgia, you were the first girl I... noticed, you know as a girl. You got on the bus that first day and I mean, look at you. But you were already taken. I never even had a chance. And maybe... I will admit, that was a lot of the attraction. I'd always gotten everything I wanted... but I never even had a shot with you. But mostly it was the way you were about Hayden. God, who doesn't want a gorgeous girl to feel about him the way you feel about Hayden?" I explain before adding, "And as for you throwing yourself at me... which by the way, if what you did is your definition of throwing yourself at someone, I think you need to seriously reevaluate your position as a bad-girl." She rolls her eyes and laughs, as I continue. "But I seem to remember one time when I didn't turn you down."

She nods. "Yeah, what happened then? We never really talked about it."

I think about it and I know the answer. I dated a lot my senior year, after I broke up with Aimee. Once I changed schools I had a whole new field of girls to choose from and the added allure of being the 'new guy' and a minor celebrity, no less. But none of those girls were Aimee. I told myself that night that maybe Georgia would be. I loved her, and it was impossible not to look at Hayden and Georgia and want what they had. I decided that night that maybe it was my chance to have it. But much to my surprise and disappointment, Georgia wasn't Aimee either. She's gorgeous, and I love her, and no one knows better than me what a devoted girlfriend she is. But she didn't make my heart race or my head spin. Just like everyone else before or since, she's not Aimee.

But I don't say that. I can never say that out loud to anyone. No one can know how much I still miss her; how much I still want her. Instead I shrug and say, "You were hot, drunk and in my bed Georgia. I'm a good guy, but I'm not a saint."

"You stopped things." She points out, and then asks. "Why?"

I'm silent for a minute and then I say, "Because Hayden was suddenly sleeping with everything with a pulse including Aimee and I know how your mind works."

"Yeah. I figured if it was good enough for them..."

"Well it wouldn't have been good enough for us. You would have hated yourself for it. And even if I'm not in love with you, I do love you, and that would have eventually made it impossible to have you in my life, and that's unacceptable." I say seriously. "As for why I'm not dating anyone, that's a very deliberate decision. My life has been derailed once already when football fell apart. I'm not going through that again. I will date casually and then, years from now when I'm through with my residency, then I'll find someone."
Georgia

I hate to admit it, but I think I was actually starting to get homesick. I used to always assume that I'd end up in Grassland because I thought I'd end up with Hayden, but after we broke up I started thinking about life outside of this town, maybe even outside of Alabama, and I got excited. I convinced myself that the only thing tying me to Grassland was Max and once he was grown, and hopefully going somewhere else, then I'd have no reason to come back to this one-horse, small-minded town that labeled me early on in life. But now I'm here and the streets and the buildings and the lights from Charles Moore-Haley Memorial stadium are all familiar and they all represent home to me.

Being with Caleb is also good. And I'm happy we finally talked about the conversation we had two years ago at State. I've hated this feeling that there's something weird between us, because we've always been friends. Having that out of the way has cleared the road and we're laughing and talking like always. The only problem is that someone is missing... and there's no way around the simple fact that being with Caleb makes me want to be with Hayden... so much more than normal.

We get to the stadium and park a mile away, even though it's still a half hour till kick-off; welcome to Gator Football in Grassland. We head into the stadium and run straight into Mrs. Asher who hugs me tightly.

"Look at you, girl. You look amazing!" She says excitedly before turning to Caleb. We all talk for a minute and she says, "You know I've still not forgiven you two for senior year. You Caleb, go and graduate from another school, and you Miss Georgia Cooper, I poured my heart and soul into you and you went and did that co-op program with DHR in Theodore your last semester and you were only on campus once a week. I was crushed."

"I know." I say with a sheepish laugh, "But you have no idea how important that program was. I was in the final two for an internship over the summer with the Department of Children and Family Services in New Orleans, and they told me afterwards that it was that experience that pushed me over the top and got me the job."

"Oh, I am so proud of you. And Max is doing great... his grades aren't as good as yours, but he's good and has a good head on his shoulders. I'm real impressed with him. You did good."

"Well thank you, but he's a good kid."

We talk a few minutes longer and then we move on to get in line for the concession stand. Football concession food is another thing I've missed about home. I get a hand-dipped corn dog, an Icee and nachos with peppers. Caleb is appalled at how much I order and we're having a good laugh about my eating habits when I turn and find myself face to face with the person I so hoped I wouldn't run into, and the only person I really wanted to see. "Hayden."

Only, I didn't actually say it out loud. I can't. My mouth is hanging open like a large mouth bass, but I can't bring myself to speak. I can only stare. Hayden looks amazing. I think subconsciously I'd conjured an image in my head of him with a post-two-a-days-beer-gut and receding hairline to make myself feel better, but nothing could be further from the truth. His thick honey-brown hair is a little longer than in high school, he's a little leaner and more muscular than I remember and his face has more definition. He's dressed up – I'm guessing that's Aimee's doing – or at least dressed up for Hayden in good jeans, boots and a blue and white striped button up with the sleeves rolled up to reveal well-muscled forearms. I realize again that we've been standing here not speaking for an eternity, and I try again, but my mouth has gone totally dry and one thought keeps running through my mind. How did I ever think I could survive without you?

Hayden

We get our food from the concession stand and I'm walking behind Aimee wishing I wasn't there. That's not true. I come to most of the games, but usually with Avery. We sit and watch and I'm not expected to look or act like a date. But I know Aimee doesn't want to be here with me anymore than I want to be with her. Her mother called in several favors and here she is. I don't love Aimee. Sometimes I'm not even sure I like her but she's had a tough time of it. She didn't do anything worse to Caleb than I did to Coop but because she's a girl, she's become an outcast. She makes a comment about the crowd and I turn to look at her. I must admit that in her fitted black jacket, hound's-tooth skirt and black boots she still looks like Grassland royalty. I can tell she's worrying about being on display here so I smile encouragingly and she looks relieved to have someone in her corner. And then behind me I hear a throaty laugh that immediately snaps me back and my head whips around before I can stop myself and puts me eye to beautiful brown eye with my past.

Coop and I stare at each other, mouths hanging open for what seems like eternity. Finally, Caleb steps in for a rescue and speaks. The four of us exchange the most awkward greetings in the history of the world. They go off in the opposite direction and we find our seats behind the homecoming court, but I could be anywhere because the only thing I'm thinking about is Coop. She looked more gorgeous than ever. Her hair is shorter, just below her shoulders with layers or something so that there are curls all around her face. Her clothes are different too. Gone are the skin tight, low rise, jeans and mid drift bearing tops. In their place is a long sweater in a deep green with a big scarf, jeans and tall brown boots. She carries herself differently too. She used to walk like every step was designed to get attention... mostly mine... with hips swaying and boobs on display. Now she's less obviously sexy but clearly more confident. But mostly it's the way she looks at me... like... we aren't us anymore.

I can't stop watching for her. She's sitting two sections over and just behind us. Halfway through the second quarter Max catches an outside pass and scores. It's the Gators' second unanswered touchdown. When the defense is on the field, it's Coop's cue to head to the concession stand again. I love how Coop eats. It's so refreshing compared to Aimee and her insistence that she's not hungry and only wants a diet Coke. As soon as she heads under the bleachers to the concession stand, I excuse myself to the bathroom, promising Aimee I'll be back before she goes out to crown the new queen. I make my way through the crowd and position myself just right so that when Coop gets out of the line with her food, she has no choice but to face me.

When she does I try to look surprised to see her, though it's anyone's guess whether I'm successful.

"Hey. Good game so far." I say lamely.

"Yeah, Max will be so excited. By the way, he's mentioned that you've helped him some. Thanks for that." She says and I'm blown away by how good she looks – not just the way she looks but everything about her. She's so smart and classy looking. She sure doesn't fit in at a trailer in Grassland looking this way... I wonder if she'd still fit in with me.

"I just do some tackling drills with him and Carson."

"Well he appreciates it. Do you get to see many games?"

"Oh yeah, Avery and I come to most of them. I didn't really want to at the beginning of the season. You know, I didn't want to be a 'has-been', but it means a lot to Carson and Max and I enjoy it."

She looks away for a minute and I'm trying to read her thoughts like I used to be able to, but I'm not sure anymore. Finally, she says softly, "I know he appreciates you coming. I haven't gotten home for a lot of his games this year. Lot's going on at school and stuff."

"Yeah well, I figured I owed it to him to come since... well since it's probably my fault, you know, that you're too busy to come home this year." I reply without any malice. I just want her to know that I know the truth, even if we don't want to admit it. She nods and unless I've completely lost my ability to read her, she appreciates my honestly.

"So you and Caleb..." I probe.

"Oh, yeah, just friends... like always. You and Aimee are good?"

"Oh yeah... I mean, no. It's not like that." I say and then I realize how colossally stupid I must sound.

To prove how stupid I sound, she gives me that Coop-look and says, "I thought you were living together?"

I hate myself because there's no graceful way out of this. What am I supposed to say? "Well you know Aimee and I share an apartment because it's cheaper than living alone. And we occasionally have sex because it's more convenient than going out and trying to find people who might actually care that I'm still in love with you and she's still in love with Caleb." On the other hand, this is Coop and unless a whole lot has changed she probably knows the truth anyway so I just shrug instead.

"I should probably get back." She says, looking toward the entrance back to the stands. I want to believe that she looks reluctant to leave, but I really don't think it's my imagination.

"Yeah, I promised Aimee I'd make it back in before the court. They couldn't get last year's queen so she's crowning this year's winner."

"Max is escorting a girl." She tells me and again I can't help feeling that she's avoiding walking away from me.

"I remember that. You feel pretty stupid with her all dressed up and you sweaty and gross in your uniform." I laugh. Caleb was on court every year, usually with Aimee. But I didn't make it till we were seniors. That was the one year Aimee wasn't on it.

"Well it was good to see you." She says, and I'm sure she wants to say more; wants to stay longer.

"You too. You look incredible." I say truthfully, and my voice sounds thick even to my own ears. "College agrees with you."

She smiles and walks away... but I can't help thinking that somehow, maybe, we just took a step back toward one another.

***

The game ends and we celebrate an easy victory. Aimee survived crowning the new queen without getting booed or any other incident so she's happy... and I'm over the moon. For the first time in two years there's a glimmer of hope that maybe I didn't screw things up too badly with Coop. Maybe there's still a chance we can put us back together after all. We all gravitate toward the field house because that's what we used to do, and I congratulate Carson and Max on a great game and encourage them to make a move on two Gator Babes who are watching them like hawks. Carson is the shyest human I think I've ever met in my life. He's QB1 and I think by most girls' standards he's 'hot' but he can't seem to talk to any of them. Max can flirt like a pro, but he never seems to close the deal. Instead of tackling exercises I think I need to be coaching these two on their real game.

"Hayden!"

I turn to see Belle running toward me in her cheerleading uniform. I can't believe she's actually cheering at a varsity game. It seems like she should still be that little girl with missing front teeth looking at me between the posts on the banister.

"Did you see me?" She says happily.

"I did. You were great, like always." I say truthfully.

"Daddy's looking for you."

"Well, don't tell him you saw me." I tease and she smiles and runs away.

"You know that one is about thirty-shades of in love with you." Aimee says as we watch Belle walk away.

"Nah, it's just a crush." I protest.

"Crushes are dangerous. Crushes hurt. Otherwise they'd call them something else." She says and I wonder if she's thinking about Caleb. I guess there was a time when Caleb would have been her crush, but that seems so long ago. On the other hand, I guess most high-schoolers weren't as intense as Coop and me.

We stand and talk to a few more people and finally some of the guys we used to be on the team with approach me with Caleb and Coop in tow. "Come on 77. Help us talk this guy into going out for a few."

"Yeah, the last time I went out for a few with you guys it didn't go well." Caleb says with a laugh. He acts like he's teasing, but I know he's serious.

"Where are y'all going? Maybe we'll catch up to you." I reply, trying to stall. They tell us where they're going and we watch them leave. Then we're left, just the four of us in another awkward silence.

Caleb shocks us all when he says, "What would it hurt if we went out with them for just a minute?"

"Seriously?" I ask, as Aimee and Coop gape at him.

"I like to think I learned my lesson. We won't drink and drive. Come on. When was the last time we hung out? You haven't even seen my car." He says persuasively.

We both turn to Coop who gives us a look before saying, "Fine, but if you two end up in a ditch, don't call us."

Aimee

We watch them walk away and Georgia looks at me and we both shake our head.

"Oh my God, déjà vu." I say and then look at Hayden's keys, which he handed to her. "At lease he left us his truck."

"Yeah, I guess so." She says, awkwardly trying to hand them to me, but I shake my head.

"No way. His truck terrifies me. It's his baby. I've never driven it... and you probably have so..." I guess I should be jealous but it's Hayden and Georgia. It's not like I'm surprised.

"Well I guess I can drop you off and then tell Caleb that it'll be parked at my house when they get home."

"Is Caleb staying with you?" I ask as we start walking.

"Yeah... on the couch. Just as friends. I have a boyfriend." She explains.

"Is it serious?" I ask timidly.

She shrugs, but I have a feeling there's more to it than that.

We get in the truck and pull into an alleyway that leads to my apartment and I blurt out, "Are you going to kill me now?"

"What?" She asks, turning to look at me.

"Well we're alone on this deserted road and I'm sleeping with Hayden and you obviously still love him and he still loves you so... I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"Aimee get real. I'm not going to kill you for sleeping with Hayden." She says dismissively. "Are you in love with him?"

"No." I answer truthfully. "And he's not in love with me. Sometimes I'm not even sure he likes me. And mostly I'm just indifferent toward him."

"So why are you together?" She asks with a mixture of confusion and disgust.

I shrug. "Because we understand each other. I know he's still in love with you and he knows I'm not over Caleb. We're convenient. That's all we've ever been."

"There was a time when you were so sure about Hayden and me... more sure about us than I was. Is that why you started having sex with him?" She asks sarcastically.

I think on it for a minute and then say, "Yes. You should be grateful. I don't have any expectations from Hayden. We share rent and occasionally we share a bed. Someone else might expect more from him."

She nods and I think she actually understands me.

Then she shocks me by saying, "I don't know why I said my boyfriend wasn't serious. I'm supposed to meet his parents at Thanksgiving. We were looking at apartments together last night. I can't officially move off campus until after next semester, but he's wanting us to go ahead and pick something out together and he'll live there till I can move in."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"I felt great about it yesterday. And tonight I saw Hayden face to face and it's like, 'Simon who?' How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic. It's Hayden and Georgia." I say and I'm almost relieved. If Hayden and Georgia can be Hayden and Georgia again, then maybe there's hope that the rest of our lives can be normal again too.

We're silent for a minute as we drive and finally she says, "If I were going to kill you it wouldn't be for sleeping with Hayen. It would be for sleeping with Caleb's best friend."

"What?" I ask curiously.

"Okay, first of all, you and I were never exactly friends so you don't owe me anything. And Hayden was on a mission to 'screw me' but screwing everyone he could so, you were a means-to-an-end."

I could be offended, if I didn't know that what she's saying is true.

"But you slept with Caleb's best friend." She finishes.

I sigh because I know she's right. Finally, I ask her, "Could you forgive Hayden... for me, for hurting Caleb, for all the Gator Babes?"

"Yes." She answers without hesitation.

I'm not surprised by her answer. One look at her looking at him, and I know what we've all always known. Hayden and Georgia are inevitable.

"Could Caleb ever forgive me?" I ask softly.

She's quiet for a long time before she says, "I don't know."

I huff, "What's the difference?"

"Aimee, you know there's a difference. I don't care how much Sex and the City we watch, men and women have different views on sex and if I ever doubted that, I learned it the hard way when I finally had sex with Simon. I spent the first year of college crying myself to sleep and then I met Simon over the summer and we dated two and a half months, before we did anything. And then once we did, I cried for another week... because this thing that had always been only mine and Hayden's wasn't anymore. And Caleb knows that too. And so he knows that you having sex with Hayden was a whole lot bigger deal than Hayden having sex with you... so I don't know if he could ever forgive you. But there's only one way to find out. You'd have to ask him."

Georgia

We pull into Aimee and Hayden's apartment and I feel weird because it's Aimee and Hayden's apartment. Aimee reaches for the door handle and turns to me and says, "It's good to see you. You look great by the way. I hear you're doing great in school. A super success."

"Thanks. Your mom was a big part of it. So were you. That day I came to see you helped a lot." I'm quiet for a minute and then I say, "I'm sorry I said we weren't friends. The truth is I didn't have a lot of female friends, but when I think back on high school I consider you one of them."

She smiles sadly and nods. "Me too. And since we are friends, I'm sorry I'm sleeping with Hayden. Because we both know that you and Hayden are never over so... it was wrong for you and stupid for me."

She starts to get out of the truck but I stop her and say impulsively. "You know what we should do? We should take Hayden's truck and drive over to Orange Beach and go to Shrimpfest. We could be there in an hour and eating raw oysters with hot, drunk guys until sunrise. Are you in?"

We go up to their apartment and throw on some shorts – we're dressed like it's fall because it's homecoming, but it's still 70 degrees at night. Then we hit the road with the windows down and music blaring.

We've been driving for a few minutes when Aimee says, "So did Hayden find you at the concession stand?"

I laugh and say yes. "How'd you know?"

"Oh please, he spent the first two quarters turned around watching you. I knew the minute he went to the bathroom – just as the defense was on the field which is his favorite part of the game – that he was after you. Sure enough I looked and your seat was empty."

"Yeah, well I only went so he'd follow me." I admit with a triumphant grin.

"Really?" She says incredulously.

"Even I don't eat that much." I laugh.

"Just jump him and get it over with. We all know where this is headed." She says with a laugh.

I sigh. "I want to. I can't pretend that everything in me doesn't want to. But we always move so fast. I think we need to proceed slowly this time. Actually try being in each other's lives without jumping each other. And besides, you might not love him and he might not love you, but I'm not getting involved with him until your little situation is cleared up... and I'm not doing that to Simon either."

"Why is it so easy for you to forgive him?" She asks.

I think about it for only a minute before saying. "Because I wasn't the victim here. He was. I'm the one who lied. I'm the one who made all these plans and cut him out of them. God, the look on his face that night... I wanted to die."

"I miss Caleb." She says softly.

"I know. He's still not over you either. He says he is, but..." I'm quiet for a minute and then I say, "I made a move on Caleb after you and Hayden got together. He turned me down... because he knew I was only doing it to get back at Hayden. That was a crappy thing to do too."

"Caleb always had the hots for you." She says with way more envy than she's displayed about Hayden.

"It was the boobs, and the excessive PDA's... with Hayden and whoever I was using to make him jealous at the moment." I explain. "But once we made out, he never had the hots for me again."

"How is that possible?"

I shrug. "Because it was... how do I put this nicely... boring?"

"Boring?" She says, turning to me with her eyes wide with wonder. "God, no one kisses like Caleb. Trust me, I've been kissed a lot."

I laugh and say, "I've been kissed a lot and no one kisses like Hayden."

She grins and shakes her head before saying, "But you know what it really was; why he really had the hots for you? It was the loyalty; Right or wrong you were 100% in Hayden's corner... always. Caleb knew he didn't have that with me."

I nod not knowing where to go with that but she continues. "But you want to know something else? I always thought I had a thing for Hayden, but I realize now that it was because no matter what you did, how far you pushed him, he loved you enough to love you through any mistake you made." She looks down and then says, "That was what I didn't get from Caleb."

We stare out at the road, radio playing in the background, before she finally asks, "Do you wish you didn't love Hayden like you do?"

"Yes... no." I say taking a minute to process her question and then saying, "Loving Hayden is the best feeling in the world when we're good. The rest of the time it's pretty tough. But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"And that's the other difference between me and Caleb and you two. I loved Caleb more than life... and when it was good there was nothing else that even came close. But when it wasn't it scared me to death. I don't know if I ever want to feel that way again."

I look at her and I sigh, because I think I know what she's talking about. But she's right. It's not that way for me and Hayden. I think back to that awful night when he was so hurt, and I hated myself so much and I hated him so much for looking at me that way. And when I think of that night I know I'd live it ten times over just so I could feel the way I felt tonight when I turned around and saw him waiting for me at the concession stand.

Caleb

Hayden and I leave the game and make a brief stop at McHoul's, but I think we're both feeling a strange sense of déjà vu so after a few minutes we make our excuses and head out. But Georgia and I had been together all day and he certainly seemed in no hurry to go home to Aimee so we end up getting a case of beer; Hayden always knows where to go that doesn't card. Then we drive down to his boat and just sit.

"Your parents weren't expecting you were they?" He asks as we drop down on the boat deck and he tosses me a can.

"No. I'm staying with Georgia." I reply and then quickly add "On the couch... just friends."

"It's none of my business." He says looking away.

"Like hell it isn't." I say with a laugh. But Hayden gives me a guilty look.

"I'm living with Aimee. I have no room to say anything."

I nod and take a long drink of beer. "Really? So if I told you I was going after Georgia you'd be fine with it."

He gives me a look and then laughs out loud. "Hell no."

"I didn't think so."

He shakes his head and says, "I wish I could be that guy who says, she's the best. She deserves the best. You're the better man, or the lawyer she's dating is the better man. But I can't. She is the best and she deserves the best but she's supposed to be with me. That's all there is to it."

"Well for what it's worth I agree. If you and Georgia don't belong together then I don't know who does." I say truthfully.

He's silent for a minute before he finally says, "Thanks."

"You know what that means? It means you have to be the better man. You have to be what she deserves."

He nods and smiles a little, and I know by that look that he's going to do everything in his power to be that man.

Hayden's my best friend. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if he wasn't, but he is and no matter what, I want him in my life so I take a deep breath, square my shoulders and say, "Okay so you got Georgia. You got the football scholarship. You dumped Georgia and hooked up with Aimee, and still I keep on trying to be your friend and all I ever get are a few creatively spelled one-word texts from you. What's up with that?"

Hayden shrugs. "My fingers are too big to text. I hit three letters for every one I'm trying for."

"That's not the point. You dumped Georgia. Did you dump me too and forget to tell me?"

He's silent for a long time before he mumbles, "You're the one who left."

And with that I'm reminded that Hayden has abandonment issues that I can't comprehend. "I left school. I didn't leave you. You're my best friend no matter where I go or what I do... or what you do."

"Does that include me and Aimee?" He asks guiltily.

I'm not going to lie... It hurts. But it is what it is." I say.

"What about Coop? Could she forgive me... just like that?" He asks nervously and I know that at the end of the day, nothing else matters more.

I think on it for a minute before I answer. "For the twenty or thirty Gator Babes when you guys first broke up? Sure. For Aimee? Probably. But for the way you just cut her out of your life for trying to follow her dreams? That one will probably take a while."

He's quiet for a while but when he starts talking it's like a flood gate opens. "It wasn't that simple. After the wreck Coop and I went all in on our relationship. We both agreed that it was us forever and that was what we wanted. But I knew she wanted other stuff too. I knew that college was important to her. I knew she wanted to experience life outside of Grassland. I knew she was too good to stay here and go to the University of Mobile. So I worked so hard and I figured out a way to get it for her. I got into college, a real college in a real city so we could stay together. I figured Coop could do the college thing and the living in a big city thing and I could hang out and play football, and then when it was done we'd get married and come home. That was always the plan, but I figured out a way we could do it together. But turns out she'd just been going behind my back and making these plans and she had this whole other life planned and she told everyone about it except me! And then we broke up on the weekend that Christmas break started and then we came back from break and she was gone. She'd joined that co-op program and was just off making her life..."

"And leaving you behind."

"Exactly. It was like her way of saying that she had no intention of ever getting back together. So I moved on too."

I sigh and shake my head. I guess without realizing it I'd taken Georgia's side in all of this. I saw how hurt she was and how disappointed and I made Hayden the villain. It was easy to make Hayden the villain because he was my screw-up friend and I was good at forgiving him for bad choices. But for the first time I look at this from his perspective and I realize that he really wasn't the screw-up in all of this. Georgia was... and if I'm being honest, I was.

"I did the same thing, didn't I?" I ask ruefully.

He nods. "I worked my ass off to get us to state. I didn't even care about any of that. I just wanted to play defense and help you win games, but you were hurt and you needed us to go to State so you could play so you could get a scholarship. And then you just quit and walked away from all of it like it didn't even matter. You decided to be a doctor and you bought a Mustang... so I screwed Aimee!"

I want to lash out at him, to have some stunning comeback for that, but the truth is that I know we've all hurt each other because we're all young and stupid and thoughtless and selfish. And I want to grow up and be the one who starts putting us all back together. So instead I say, "Wouldn't it be easier if we just beat the hell out of each other and got it over with?"

He laughs and says, "You wouldn't stand a chance QB."

"I told Georgia today that I'm over Aimee, but that's a lie. I still want her back. How is that even possible? I mean if it was only you I could say, it was cause you're my best friend or because she's always been so crazy jealous of Georgia or I could even say it's because you were the new golden boy. But that doesn't excuse the two or three or ten before you."

"Two."

"What?" I ask wheeling angrily on him.

"It was two before me. I'm not sure if there was anyone while I was in Orlando ... I mean to be honest I'm not sure there's no one else right now..."

I've never hit anyone, like actually punched someone out before and I hope I'm never driven to that point again but man was it satisfying to put the toughest defensive back in Gator Football history on his ass. So much for being the grown-up.

"What the hell? You wanted to know!" He asks, looking up at me and rubbing his jaw angrily.

"Exactly! I wanted to know. I want to be the person who knows about Aimee. I don't want you to have to tell me!"

"Oh come off it. You're one to talk! You've always gone around panting after Coop. I bet you just loved it that she told you about New Orleans before she told me! You'd jump her in a minute if you ever got the chance."

"That shows how well you know me cause when Georgia showed up drunk on my doorstep and came onto me, I stopped her!"

I never even saw it coming, but when his shoulder slams into my middle I understand at long last how lethal he could be. I smash into the top of the cabin and it knocks the wind out of me and then his fist connects with my face and I literally see stars. Thank God Hayden steps back, lets out a long string of obscenities and then stalks back to the end of the boat and gets another beer.

I eye him warily for a minute before I stand up and carefully join him.

"Coop was drunk? Coop doesn't drink." He asks angrily.

"Well she was drinking on prom night." I answer, still keeping my distance.

He sulks for a while but then he says, "Coop never cared about stuff like prom. I mean, if she'd wanted to go to prom when we were together I would have taken her, but..."

"The point is, it was important to Aimee and you went with Aimee which meant you were important enough to her to be a part of something important to her."

"No I wasn't. It's like you said. I was the golden boy. That's why Aimee wanted me then. And I wanted to hurt Coop."

"Well you did. She was leveled. And my not giving in had less to do with my loyalty to you and more to do with her being completely unglued. She'd have done anything that night... to get back at you or get you back... whichever. She couldn't even care which at that point."

"All I wanted was her. All I ever wanted was her... is her." He says and I'm sorry again for the things we've all done to each other.

"So what happened tonight when you followed her out to the concession stand?"

"How do you know I followed her?" He asks sheepishly.

"You spent the whole first half of the game turned around watching her. The second she stood up you followed her. And. when y'all came back you were smiling and she was glowing."

"Well I can assure you that didn't happen." He says with a rueful laugh.

"Once upon a time it would have."

"True." He grins and looks much more like the cocky kid I grew up with. I roll my eyes and he laughs before continuing. "We just talked. But it was like, we were us again. When the four of us were together, which was the first face to face conversation we've had since we broke up, we were so weird. It just felt weird and I thought 'This is it. She doesn't look at me anymore. She's moved on and up and that's the end of us.' But then I followed her anyway because I had to see her... that couldn't be the last time we were ever together. And when I saw her we were us again. And then I remembered something I should have known. Everything that made me 'me', happened to Coop and made her 'her'."

I look at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"It's like... when you boil water. You put a potato in boiling water and it gets soft. You put an egg in boiling water and it gets hard. My mom died, they took away my brother and my dad beat me and gave me away. Coops mom ran off, she raised her brother and her dad got drunk and beat the hell out of them. All of that made Coop want to change the world. It made me want to find a safe place and stay there forever."

I sigh because the life that Coop and Hayden have both survived should have finished them off, but I know Hayden doesn't need pity now so I attempt a joke instead. "I'm stunned. I can't believe Hayden Nichols using a science experiment as an analogy for life."

He groans. "I'm not a total retard. I do have almost a full semester at the University of Central Florida under my belt, thank you very much."

"Okay but I don't understand why that changed anything."

"It reminded me that at heart Coop is just as screwed up and broken as me. That's why we work. When we can get over our own crap for a minute we heal each other. When she told me she was leaving to go to New Orleans, she looked like ... one of them, one of y'all. The normal people. But tonight I remembered she's one of us... me, and if I'd been doing something like trying to go off to some college and leave her I might have handled it just as badly as she did."

I nod and I know exactly what he means and I know he's right. That's why Hayden and Georgia are always going to be Hayden and Georgia. "For the record, she watched you the whole night too. I went for a coke after the first quarter and offered to get one for her too but she didn't want it. When I got back she tells me she's decided she does need a coke after all. Of course that's after she was sitting there staring a hole in the back of your head like she was willing you to follow her. Which of course you did."

He shrugs and smiles. "Didn't I always?"

Hayden

The sun is just coming up when I hear Caleb speak. I thought he'd fallen asleep a little while ago. I think I was a little bit asleep too at one point, but I'm awake now when Caleb says, "So what happened in Orlando?"

"What do you mean what happened? Didn't you follow my news clippings? I sucked." I answer bitterly.

"But why? You're better than that guy. You proved it all senior year. So why couldn't you do it at UCF? I know it was college, but come on. You played and won against the best high school teams in the state of Alabama."

I shrug and tell the truth. "I just didn't want it. When Coop left, for the first time in my life, I actually didn't want to be in Grassland... everything reminded me of her and I thought I would miss her less somewhere different, but I didn't and I hated everything about it so a week before finals I cleaned out my dorm and came home."

"So what; are you going to work at the seafood packing plant for the rest of your life?"

"Say it with a little more disgust because my self-esteem could always use a good beating." I reply sarcastically.

"Whiner."

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I will work there forever. You know what I'm not gonna do? I'm not buying into yours or Avery or Mr. Carpenter or Aimee's idea of success."

"What about Georgia's?" He asks seriously.

I think about it for a moment and then I answer him truthfully; and the best part is that I know what I'm saying is the truth. "Georgia loved me for me and if we ever get back there again she still will. That's the only success that matters for either of us."

We leave the bay at just after daybreak and drive back to Coop's. "So what makes you think your truck will be there? Doesn't it make more sense that Aimee would have driven Georgia home and then taken your truck back to your apartment."

"Maybe, but Aimee won't drive my truck. I don't drive her car either. We avoid anything that makes us feel like a real couple." I admit truthfully.

"Except sex?" He says with enough bite to leave me no illusions about how much she still matters to him.

There's no point pretending we don't have sex; although in truth we don't have it nearly as often as one would think seeing as we share an apartment. But instead of saying that I sigh and say, "Well the main reason I don't drive her car is because of that damn Martina McBride song."

"What Martina McBride song?" He asks, looking suddenly pale.

I think back to the first night I rode in her car and remember that she said it was their song. Maybe I shouldn't answer him. I know how much she hurt him and giving him the indication that she still cares about him, even though I know how much she does, seems a little cruel. But it's out there now so I answer him and say, "Some song about 'loving someone too long to stop now.' She had a CD with nothing else on it so it played over and over and over. I haven't been in her car in a long time, but the last time I was, it was still there."

He drives without speaking and I can feel him silently thinking about everything I've just said; examining it from every angle.

Finally, I break the silence and ask, "So are you going to wake Coop up to let you in at this time of morning?"

"No. I know where she keeps the spare key." He answers.

"Spare key? Do you know how many times I've climbed through her window? Why don't I know where the spare key is?" I ask incredulously.

He laughs and says, "Knowing you two, she preferred you climbing through the window."

"True." I answer. We pull into her driveway, and there's Coop pulling in as well, in my truck.

Caleb passes Coop and waves before turning to me and saying, "This was great. I'm gonna sleep for a few hours here if it's okay with Georgia and then head home to see my parents, but I'll see you at Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah, you'll come over and watch the Iron Bowl with Avery and me."

"Will do." He says with a wave before adding, "See you inside Georgia."

Did you stay out in my truck all night long?" I ask curiously.

"Yes. Aimee and I drove over to Orange Beach to Shrimpfest." She answers belligerently.

"Okay." I say with a shrug.

"You're sharing her bed Hayden. As far as I'm concerned that entitles her to drive your precious truck." She snaps.

"I agree but she won't drive my truck." I counter with a bemused smile, remembering how much fun our banter used to be.

"Well technically I drove your truck but she was with me... and another thing." She says, taking a step closer and pointing her finger at me. "I realize that your personal life is none of my business but Aimee is an emotional train wreck, and I know you two think your tragic little situation is a case of mutually using one another but it isn't. And you're better than that Hayden. You were never the kind of person who used someone just because you could... especially not an underdog and let's face it. The tide has turned and Aimee Asher is now the underdog. So either develop some real feelings for that girl, or cut her loose because she's a train wreck and she will never have the courage to walk away on her own."

I hear what she's saying and I know she's right. Furthermore, I know that, despite everything, her words prove that she still cares. So I nod and say, "You're exactly right. And as far as I'm concerned, my personal life and all other aspects of my life will always be your business."

She nods too, and I can tell that a little of her fire has gone out. She says, "So you two must have had an interesting night. What happened to your face?"

I laugh and gingerly touch my eye. "Just working through some stuff."

"Good... I don't like being in a world where you two aren't best friends." She starts toward the door and says, "I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I reach for my truck door and I say, "Hey Coop, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." She answers nervously.

"Did you eat raw oysters at Shrimpfest?"

And at long last she gives me that mischievous smile that's only mine and says, "All night long."

Carson

It's one thing to come into the world unplanned or even unwanted. It's another thing entirely to know that your very existence ruined the life of the person you love most. But when an old-moneyed, high-society, white girl from Biloxi gets pregnant by a low-class black football player, that's exactly what her son has to live with.

I have a great mom. But I know her parents won't speak to her anymore because of me, and my father never even cared about her other than the conquest, and her husband never tried to hide the fact that he hated having a biracial, illegitimate step-son. Now he never comes around either, which means not only is she raising me totally on her own, but also my two little sisters.

It's Saturday morning, some Nickelodeon show is on television and I'm scrambling eggs while my best friend Max struggles to wake up after a not so well-behaved night before. He's sleeping it off on my couch.

"What's wrong with Max?" Celia asks, pulling at the leg of my shorts. I look down into the face of my blue-eyed, blond haired six-year old sister. She and Caitlyn, who's eight, are both completely in love with Max and are always ridiculously excited when he's here... which is often since his sister went to college.

"Carson, I have baton..." Caitlyn says, joining us in the kitchen.

"At 12:00. I know. I'm going to take you on my way to work and pick you up on my break." I explain, handing her a plate of eggs.

"When will mama be home?" Celia asks with tears in her eyes.

"Mama's working a double." I answer.

"All she ever does is work." Caitlyn says angrily. Lately it seems like Caity is always angry.

"How do you think she affords baton lessons and new Miss Me jeans and everything else you want?" I answer, trying not to sound like I'm accusing her. I know they miss Mama, but I know Mama works as hard as she does because she's wants us to have the kind of life she had... the kind of life she can't afford anymore because of me.

"Where am I going while you're at work?" Celia asks, taking her eggs from me and going to the table.

"I'm going to take you to the hospital. You can sit in one of the waiting rooms and mama will come visit you between patients. I'll bring Caitlyn after baton and y'all will stay till I get off at 5:00."

Max groans, rolls over and pulls the pillow over his head.

"Come on girls. Finish your breakfast and go start getting dressed." I order, dishing up the last of the eggs and taking them to Max. "Eat. It'll help."

"I don't want to eat. I want to puke." He says sickly.

"Well, you need to eat. And don't you dare puke in front of my sisters." I order.

I go back to the kitchen and start loading the dishwasher as the girls finish eating and head back to their room. Max brings his plate to the bar and starts eating. "Why did you let me drink? You know I can't drink." He moans.

"When faced with dealing with your hangover or another night of listening to you piss and moan about Belle Carpenter, it was an easy call." I tease, handing him some juice too. "You're like one of the most popular guys in school. You could have any girl you want. Why don't you just ask her out?"

"Because Belle Carpenter isn't 'any girl'. She doesn't even look twice at me. I don't stand a chance with her and even if I did, her dad would kill me. So what's your excuse? You don't have anyone in particular that you're interested in so just make a move on someone. You're the superstar with the elusive 'presence in the pocket'. You could have any girl you want."

"I already have three girls. That's my excuse." I say washing a pink plate with one of the princesses on it.

"You know Hayden is right. We're over thinking this way too much. We should have just hooked up with those two Gator Babes last night, and said to hell with it. No teenage guy should be deprived as long as us." He says confidently.

I shake my head and laugh. I know Max is right. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I know how hard it's been for my mom... and I never want to be the decision that some girl has to regret for the rest of her life.

Hayden

It's a perfect autumn Saturday afternoon in Grassland. I'm sitting on the dock, still in shorts, with my legs dangling over the water; the sun on my face, the wind blowing softly and the sound of Eli Gold in the distance. I'm not even tired from staying out all night. And then she's there. And I know it; before I even see her. I hear her or smell her or maybe I just feel her; like some part of me that's been missing and now it's back.

"You found me."

"You know I've always had pretty highly developed Haydar." She teases, dropping down beside me. She doesn't say it, but I know she's here because she knows, like I do, that we left too much unsaid before. But it's more than that. She's meeting me halfway. It's a step, and I intend to make the most of it.

"So Max says you're doing great... dean's list, internship over the summer, special dorm for geeks."

She laughs ruefully and I continue, "Lawyer boyfriend."

"Law student, but..."

"Same difference." We say in unison and then she laughs, bumping my shoulder like we once would have done so easily.

"I'm up for a summer abroad in Amsterdam. They're selecting nine students. It's mostly limited to prelaw majors but since I've already declared that I'm going to law school I'm under consideration. There are 13 in the final group. I'll know before Christmas."

I've missed her voice; missed her energy. And yet this is new; this hopeful, optimistic part of her is something that she's found in college and I'm happy for that. But it scares me too.

"I'm so proud of you Coop. You deserve every bit of this."

"Thanks. That means a lot." She says and we're quiet for a few minutes. I want to hold onto this moment and I'm careful not to say or do anything that will damage this already fractured connection that was once the most certain thing in either of our lives.

She finally speaks and I know she's being cautious too. "So... you want to tell me about Orlando."

I sigh. "Nothing to tell. I just wasn't good enough. And I didn't wanna be there so... I'm here. I guess the only thing is... I feel like I let people down; Avery, Coach, Mr. Carpenter... you."

"I don't know about the rest of them, but you did not let me down. I didn't even want you to go in the first place... I mean... I knew you didn't want to go." She explains and I'm more grateful than I knew I could be to hear her say that.

"Look it's may be none of my business but I know you come off all cocky and full of swagger to the rest of the world but I know the real you. Just tell me they didn't make you feel bad about yourself. Tell me that you know that your value is far greater than what you did on a football field." She says with tears in her eyes, and I realize that I've never loved her more than I do at that moment.

"Coop I know who I am in life and I know who I was on the field. I was a damn good high school defensive back and the rest was just .... wrong place, wrong time. I'm fine with who I am. I actually think I like who I am."

She reaches out to touch my face; like she's done a million times before, but then she stops herself and just smiles. "You should. You're exactly who you are and you don't pretend otherwise."

"I guess that means that you're not too disappointed in me for working at the seafood plant?" I ask looking down at her legs.

"Why would I be?"

"You know... your dad and all." I explain guiltily.

"Hayden my dad is a drunk who beats up on his kids. You will never be that way. Working at the plant is an honest living. That was always the dream."

"I don't want to be there forever, but I don't know what I'd rather do so... I'm okay with it for now." I tell her truthfully. "So why don't you come home more?"

She shrugs.

"Come home more. Max needs you. And if I'm the problem, then I'll try to stay out of your way." I scold her lightly and I can see she's hiding a smile as she looks away.

We talk for a few more minutes; about New Orleans, and Max and Avery and people that we know. Finally, she stands to leave, and I've known Coop long enough to know that she wants to stay as much as I want her to stay... but we both know that it's too soon. Later there will be time for staying, but for now she needs to go. I realize that I'm okay with that.

"Take care of yourself Hayden. And stop selling yourself short. You have more value than football and you have more value than sex." She says and I smile and nod obediently. She starts to walk away but turns back and adds, "And I promise to come home more, if you promise not to stay out of my way."

Aimee

December 2007

I'm wrapping a stack of Christmas presents at Sophie's three days before Christmas when the door opens and Georgia walks in.

"Hey you. I thought you were going to do better about coming home? Where've you been?" I ask, waving her over.

"I know. I came to two more of Max's home games and drove to the all the playoffs. I took him and Carson home with me for a weekend when they lost in the quarterfinals. But I'm working and trying to get into a paid internship this spring and..."

I lean across the counter and interrupt with a whispered, "And you're trying to figure out exactly how you feel about Hayden and how he feels about you before you come face to face with him."

She laughs and says, "Any chance you can get away for lunch anytime soon?"

"Sure. I'm a personal shopper for Minnie McCoy. She had me pick out presents for her four daughters, nine grand-daughters and two grand-daughters-in-law. I have to pick them out, wrap them up and deliver them by 7:00 today. Just let me tell Erica and grab my bag."

We cross the street and get sandwiches and then find a table on the sidewalk. "So when was the last time you saw him?" I ask when we're sitting down.

"At homecoming. I saw him that morning when he got his truck. It was like five minutes, but the pull was so strong... I convinced myself that I was over exaggerating it in my head. No way it was really still that intense after almost two years. So I went inside and I slept for a few hours and then I got dressed and actually came to your apartment, but his truck wasn't there so I went to Avery's and then finally the bay and he was there. And we talked... again just briefly. It wasn't even a half hour, but it was still there." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry because I know I told you I wouldn't do anything as long as you were together and I was still with Simon, but if he'd made a move that afternoon I'd have been all over him. But he didn't. We just talked and I left. I drove back to school the next morning."

I hate myself because it hurts a little. I never loved Hayden. I was relieved when he ended things, but hearing her talk about how strong their connection is still hurts... because I thought I had that with Caleb, but we saw each other at homecoming and it seems to have had no effect on him at all. But Georgia is my friend and ultimately I want her and Hayden to be together so I tell her truthfully, "He didn't come home that night. And the next afternoon he came in and told me that he was moving in with Avery. He said he'd keep paying his half of the rent as long as I needed it, but that we weren't doing each other any favors by being in this thing where we were basically, 'mutually using each other.' I actually moved home to my parents a week ago."

"How's that going?"

"Not great... and fine I guess. I just feel a little lost." I answer truthfully.

"You should come back with me after Christmas break. You could see New Orleans. Maybe a change of scenery would inspire you." She says, and I actually believe she's serious and she wants me to come.

"Oh I don't know. But enough about me. You've had two months to think about it. And I can report that Hayden isn't with me and he doesn't seem to be with anyone else. He's working all the time and hanging out with his brother and your brother. So what are you going to do?"

After an extra-long lunch and way too much talk about Hayden, we come to the conclusion that Georgia will know what to do about Hayden when the time comes.

I finish my shift at work, deliver Mrs. McCoy's gifts and she keeps me talking for 35 minutes, but at least I get a $20 tip out of it. I decide to make a stop by Walmart for some chocolate covered cherries. I never splurge and eat chocolate, but today feels like I've earned it. I get my candy and a few other items... is it possible to go into a superstore and only buy the item you went in for? And then I get in the express lane which is at least fifteen people deep. I reach for Star magazine and flip through it as the line inches along and then I finally pay for my purchases and start toward the door just as I hear my name.

I turn and I'm face to face with my unbreakable-connection. "Caleb, what are you doing in town?"

"I'm passing through on my way home from school. I'm staying over at Avery's with him and Hayden. There's one of those bowls on tonight that no one cares about, but we're having a guy's night. I'm bringing the hot wings." He answers holding up the bag.

"That sounds fun. I had lunch with Georgia today."

"Oh, how was she?" He asks, and we talk about her for a minute and he tells me a little bit about school. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him tonight... something different or more to the point, something the same; like as in the same as the guy that I was so head over hills for just a few years ago. I never realized it at the time, but after he was hurt, he was scared and suddenly unsure of himself. But tonight he's the old Caleb – confident, sure and headed bravely into the future.

"It's really good to see you Caleb. You look great." I say and I know I sound like a girl with a crush, but thankfully I stop short of twirling my hair around my finger.

"You too. Listen, are you going out? You know it's dangerous walking to your car at night. I'll go out with you."

Hayden

"What were you thinking?" Avery asks me angrily as we put pizza out on the bar between the kitchen and living room.

"I was thinking you and Caleb and I had a fun guy's night planned. Max is Coop's brother so he's practically family and Carson is a good kid and neither of them have much in the way of male role models." I begin explaining, but he quickly interrupts.

"Give me a break! You're just looking to score points with Georgia." He accuses.

"Of course I am but it doesn't change the fact that it's the truth."

"And you, me and Caleb eating pizza, drinking cheap beer and screaming at a football game no one even cares about is your idea of good male role models?"

"We are home at night, not driving, not fighting and not cheating on the wives or girlfriends we don't have so yeah, I consider that good role models." I argue. "Especially for these guys. I mean, you know Max's situation and Carson's mom works all the time as a nurse and he works at Bayou Biscuits when he's not practically raising his sisters. His dad has never been in the picture and Max's isn't any better."

He groans, but I know he's giving in. "Fine, but if either of them touch any alcohol it's your ass."

I grumble but I've grown accustomed to Avery being the big brother. It turns out, he's actually pretty good at it.

Caleb comes in a few minutes into the second quarter with hot wings. He's late, he looks like hell and he's on his second beer before he gets his jacket off.

"Do I need to stage an intervention Cal?" I ask as he paces, not even settling-in to watch the game.

He glares and me, kills the rest of the beer and opens another one before saying, "I uh... ran into Aimee at Walmart."

"Okay?" I say waiting for the rest of that story. And then I look at him... really look and I say, "Are you talking 'ran into', as in the biblical sense?"

"There's no such thing as that... but yeah." He answers looking into his can as if it holds some miraculous truth.

"Good Lord man! Right there in the Walmart parking lot!" I demand.

"This is not a proud moment for me okay, you have to know that! But I'd be hard pressed to name a parking lot you and Georgia..."

I clear my throat angrily, motioning toward Max and then drag him into the pantry. "Okay, first of all, as much as I love Coop and me as a couple, we are really not the people you need to look to for guidance on appropriate sexual behavior. And furthermore we did a lot of stupid things at fifteen that I'd hope we've outgrown now. And finally... Aimee?"

"You don't get to talk bad about Aimee." He argues and I'm worried that all his hard won closure with her is rapidly slipping away.

"I'm not talking bad about Aimee. For Aimee's sake I wish this could turn into something. She's definitely still not over you, but... could it turn into something?"

He looks at me and sighs, "Dammit!"

"What is..."

"I'm transferring to Vanderbilt. It has the second ranked Ortho residency in the south and if that's the direction I'm going then I want to go ahead and start making my name right now. I applied for a transfer last semester and they wait-listed me, but I got my letter yesterday. I know it's still early in my undergrad work, but these programs are so competitive and my grades and MCATS will only get me so far. It's going to come down to my reputation." He explains.

"Which means that you can't be getting distracted by... distractions. So the question is, what's Aimee? Is Aimee special or a distraction?"

I see him thinking it through and I want to tell him what I think... which is, that his career is his career, but his heart is something more. If Aimee still has his heart, and more and more I'm starting to believe that she does, then he has to figure that out before he can hope for any of the rest of this to fall into place. But I keep quiet, and give him a chance to answer for himself.

"Aimee is always going to be my Achilles' heel, but this time I have to put my future first."

"There you go." I say, but the part of me that's spent the last year watching Aimee twist in the wind waiting for him to make a grand gesture and win her back, knows that this will be a blow to her. It's the same part of me who is waiting on pins and needles to see if what happened at Homecoming between me and Georgia will lead her back to me or if time away reminded her, like Caleb just realized, that she only has a small window to make these dreams come true. I make the vow to support her no matter what she decides, but I can't help hoping that I'm more than just her weakness... I want to be her strength too.

***

We wake up the next morning, all sprawled around the living room. I haven't done this since high school, maybe junior high school, but we all had fun and what's better, besides Caleb, none of us even have a hangover. I get up and decide to go ahead and shower before anyone gets up. When I come back to the living room Max is wearing running shorts and lacing up his sneakers.

"It's Christmas vacation dude." I reason pouring a cup of coffee.

"Muscles and endurance do not take a break." He says. "Do you have any milk?"

"I think." I answer, pulling out a carton and watching him mix-in some protein pack. "Is that stuff safe?"

"Gigi approved." He answers and I smile just at the mention of her name. "It's the best part about working after practice at the health food store – I get discounts on all this stuff."

"So what's this for? We've never talked about it, but I know you're pretty brainy; not like Coop, but you do okay. Are you planning for football to pay for college or what?"

"Nah. I'm good, but I'm nothing special. I'm just tall and I have a lot of athleticism."

"What else is there?"

"It's that thing... you know... the way you attack. It's what put you over the top senior year. Carson has it. Caleb was born with it. I'm a good player. I understand the game. I'm a leader. But I don't have they do."

I nod because I understand exactly. "You're right. Cal was born with it; that and a million-dollar arm. And Carson has the best pocket presence of anyone I've ever seen. It's like he has eyes in the back of his head. He knows when to move and where and he never gets rattled. Even when he was a freshman and his arm wasn't that great and he was such a shrimp, he always had that."

"It's because he's had to be responsible for so much. He's always had to balance school and his sisters and the fact that this is still south Alabama and people look at him like he's a predator when he shows up at ballet with a blonde-haired-blue-eyed little girl. God it pisses me off." He says and I can tell he's angry and I realize for the first time that he has the same hero worship for Carson that I always had for Caleb. I guess we have more in common than just Coop.

"So if you're not going to play football, what are your plans?"

"I'm going to join the marines. Do my required time to get college paid for, and then go to school with almost no debt."

"Wow, does Coop know you're planning this?"

He laughs and nods. "She hates it, but yeah, she knows." He finishes his protein shake and stretches. "So you want to come with me?"

"Run... this early in the morning when there's no coach yelling at me?" I ask incredulously.

"Come on. We'll see if you can keep up with me. It'll keep you young." He argues. "And you know you want to look your best. Georgia got home last night."

I grin despite myself and say, "You're just telling me this now?"

"I didn't want you to bail on guy's night. So are you going after her again?"

I nod. "I've been going after your sister since I was five. I have no plans to stop anytime soon. Is that okay with you?"

He seems to ponder this for a moment which makes me nervous, but he finally nods. "Yeah. Just as long as you don't try to make her quit school and come back here to get married."

"I would never."

"And she's going to law school too, so she's got a long road to go. Are you willing to wait for her?"

"As long as it takes, my friend." I say as I start toward my bedroom.

"Where you going?"

"To change clothes. If I'm going to be with Coop that makes us family so I'm not about to let you think you can outrun me."

We come home more than an hour later and I'm dragging. I've been working two jobs for a while now so I feel like I'm in pretty good shape, but running with a seventeen-year-old Gator shows me that a year away from football has taken its toll. I suppress a smile, thinking that if indeed Coop and I do find our way back to each other, I'm going to have to be in better shape than this. Although, just thinking of her makes me confident that it won't be a problem.

Inside we find Caleb still passed out and Avery up and cleaning the living room. "We'll help." I insist, grabbing a garbage can.

"It's fine." He says, waving me away. "Carson left you Max. He had to get his sister to a party by noon."

Max nods. "Oh right. I knew that. Crap, he's my ride."

"I'll take you home." I volunteer immediately.

"And that has nothing to do with seeing Georgia I'm sure." Max teases. I glare at him, but I'm too happy to really be mad.

I wish I had time to shower again but I'd never hear the end of it from Max or Avery so instead I decide to go with the sweaty, virile look. Come to think of it, Coop used to attack me when I'd come in from practice so this could be a good thing.

I drive Max along the familiar roads to Coop's and I feel my heart racing the closer I get. We arrive and he jumps from the truck thanking me for the ride and the night before. Then he adds, "By the way, I sent her a text when we turned in on Co Rd 42 so unless I miss my guess, she'll be coming out to put garbage on the road any second now."

Just as he says it, the door opens and here she comes with an envelope. "Aww, I'm losing my touch. It's a mail run. See you Hayden."

"See you Max." I say absently, but my mind is focused elsewhere as I watch her walking toward me. She beautiful, as always, in jeans and a BAMA t-shirt. I roll down my window and wait for her to join me; which she does.

"Welcome home." I say with a smile that I'm sure is a little goofy and overeager, but I'm so happy to see her that I can't even care.

"It's good to be home. Did you guys have fun last night?"

"We did. And it was all PG; just football, pizza and a little poker for pennies. No alcohol or sex. And the strippers were just topless."

She smacks my arm and even that much contact sends a jolt of electricity through me.

"I'm impressed." She says with a laugh. "What have you been doing this morning?"

I look down at my sweaty shirt and explain that Max and I went for a run.

"I'm impressed again. If you can still hang with Max, the years since high school have not yet taken their toll."

"Well it almost killed me." I say with a laugh.

"So what happened? I thought we agreed you wouldn't stay out of my way, but I came to Max's last two home games and all the playoffs, but I never saw you." She teases, but I know her well enough to know she's serious.

My heart leaps with joy as I explain, "After I moved back in with Avery I decided I needed to start doing some serious saving. I want to buy the next time I move out, so I've been working nights at the plant and then afternoons and weekends for Gregory's Nursery doing landscaping."

"That sounds interesting."

"It is." I answer truthfully, as surprised as anyone. But I like the work, I enjoy being outside and according to the clients and management, I'm good at it. "Right now it's mostly just trimming hedges, and cutting back the perennials for next season, but I'm hoping come spring I can work full time there and less at the plant."

She smiles and looks like she's proud of me which makes my heart swell a little. "It sounds like you're doing great, but you must be worn out."

I shrug. "I worked off yesterday morning at the plant. We're off tonight for Christmas Day and then closed all next week. And I'm off this week at the nursery. We're on call next week. So I'm looking forward to a nice rest."

"Good." She says and I can tell she's weighing some option but then she says, "Well I better get this bill in the mail. I... hope I see you around while I'm here."

"Yeah... me too."

Aimee

"He was sweaty because he'd been running with Max and I swear to God Aimee I wanted to climb right through the truck window... even though my little brother was watching out the kitchen window!" She says as we sit in the middle of her living room floor and wraps presents. She called and asked me to drive into Mobile with her and do some Christmas shopping and then we came back out to her house. She's been really good, waiting until we got back here to even mention Hayden. I've done even better, still not bringing up my encounter with Caleb. Although I'm not so sure it's the same thing since I don't so much think I'll ever tell Georgia or anyone else about it.

"I said it before and I'll say it again. Just jump him already." I insist.

"I want to, but... I'm always telling Hayden to remember that he has value other than football and sex. If I rip his clothes off while he's trying to have a serious conversation with me, what am I telling him?"

"That you value him as a sex object as well as in all other ways." I tease.

"I'm a total slut... I mean, not a total slut, but I'm a Hayden slut."

"What's a Hayden slut?" I ask with a laugh.

"It means I'm only that way with him. With anyone else I'm pretty discriminating, but I have no morals when it comes to Hayden."

"When I lost my virginity to Caleb, that's what I told myself... that it was only because it was Caleb and I wouldn't be that way with anyone else. Then when we ended... I lost myself for a while."

Georgia offers me a sympathetic smile and I contemplate telling her just what a big Caleb slut I really am, but then I stop myself and she starts talking again.

"I just want him to make the first move. He's the one who walked away. He's the one who should make the first move."

"Okay, first, he's not the one who walked away. You said it yourself. You walked away when you didn't tell him about New Orleans. And second, he's the one with the reputation of being a player. You make a move, it's because you want him. He makes a move, it's because he wants sex. I'm not saying that's the way it is, but that's the way he's afraid it'll look." I explain and then I realize that this insight is probably not something she wants to hear from the girl he used to hook-up with. "Sorry. I'm not trying to act like I know Hayden better than you or anything. It's just..."

"It's fine. I mean, you're probably right." She says irritably, going silent.

I search for some way to change the subject and I quickly blurt out, "So I uh, ran into Caleb last night."

"Yeah, I knew he was in town. Max saw him. Said he got plastered at Avery's which wouldn't be that big a deal, except Avery and Hayden weren't drinking because Max and Carson were there."

I shrug and wonder what that means. I guess it means he was as shaken by what we did as I was. "So I guess he just went on to his parents?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I haven't heard from him, but I guess. Did something happen?"

"No... we just had a really good talk." I explain. "He approached me. I didn't even see him. And we talked for a while and then he followed me out to my car and we talked some more and he got in the car and we talked some more." And then one of us leaned across the seat and kissed the other one, although I'm still not sure which one. "I don't know, he just seemed... it felt like it used to feel with us." And then I was in his lap and then we were in the back seat together. I really don't know how that happened, but it felt right; I felt like me again and I felt like I was his. Just remembering it, it's all I can do to hide the big smile inside me.

"What aren't you telling me?" She questions, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Nothing." I answer, but I'm thinking 'everything'. "It's just, I never realized it, but when Caleb and I were together, before the accident, he was so strong and sure of himself. I never worried about anything because Caleb could handle everything. And then after the accident, when he got hurt and he couldn't play, his confidence was shaken and my confidence in him was shaken and then I ran and that just shook his confidence more and so on and so on. But last night, the minute he came up to me, he just seemed like the old Caleb again."

"Do you think there's any chance?" She probes.

"Oh no I mean... I don't know, maybe." I say, not voicing aloud how much I hope that the answer is yes; A yes from me and more importantly a yes from him.

I shake my head and stand to go. "I have to get out of here. We're leaving for Charleston tomorrow afternoon."

"Now which sister lives there?" Georgia asks, following me out.

"Erin, my middle sister. She just had her second baby so they're not traveling. My oldest sister Melissa and her husband are spending Christmas in Texas with his family this year."

"Will you be home before New Year's?"

"I will. Let's get together." I say excitedly, thinking that maybe she and Hayden will be back together and maybe Caleb and I will be talking again and maybe we can all four do something together like we used to... and pretend the last horrible two years never happened.

"Yes, and I still want you to go back to New Orleans with me after Christmas."

"I'm looking forward to it. Have a Merry Christmas." I say starting out the door and then I turn around and say, "Seriously Georgia, just get it over with and jump him, okay?"

Georgia

I've always hated when Christmas is over. When we were kids, dad would always be off work for the week and drinking his Christmas bonus. He'd usually hold it together till after Christmas day, but by late on the 26th or early on the 27th he'd typically be on a full out bender. Meanwhile Max was still on a high from the angel tree Christmas presents and the baked goods from the church, and there was no way I could keep him quiet and out of trouble. There was nothing like a few licks of a belt to the back of his legs, or his back if daddy's aim was off, to knock the Christmas spirit right out of a seven or eight-year-old. By the time he was ten or eleven it was the back of daddy's hand across his face and then when he was fourteen he caught a fist to the middle for the first time. I jumped in between them, ended up getting slapped myself and spent New Year's Eve alone because I had to fake a phone fight with Hayden rather than let him see me with a handprint to the cheek and have him kill my father. After that, Max began making plans to be elsewhere for Christmas and I'd hide out in my room alone.

The funny thing is, now that Max is 6'3" and 200 lbs of football muscle, dad would probably never dare to start anything with him. This year he's not even here because he's obviously shacked up with someone, thank God. But Max isn't here either so on December 26th I'm alone and wishing I could have just stayed in New Orleans and studied ahead for the next semester.

I wrap up in a blanket and turn on Giant. I settle onto the couch, and then just as James Dean appears on the screen someone knocks at the door. I look through the peephole, gasp and then throw it open with my heart racing.

After all this time and all we've been through there's still nothing I'd rather look at than Hayden looking back at me when his brilliant hazel eyes are vulnerable and his face is an open book of all the naked emotions that we've both been running from for two years.

"Georgia?" He breathes my name and then nothing else. Then he touches my cheek, almost timidly which is out of character for him. But when I feel his fingers on my skin the dam breaks and I drag him through the door and kiss him with all of the longing I've denied for so long. And then his arms are around me and he's carrying me down the hall to my bedroom and no more words are necessary.

It's been so long since we were together and so much has changed. We've both grown up some and we've both been with other people, but as he pulls me down beside him and I look into his face I realize nothing has really ever changed. It's always been Hayden and me and it always will be and thinking that we could banish one another by being with other people was a futile effort.

Afterwards we lay quietly for a long while. I don't know about him, but I'm almost afraid to break the perfect stillness of the moment by talking but finally I do because there's so much I want to say and so much I need to hear.

"You called me Georgia and you knocked on the door. Did you forget which window was mine?" I ask softly.

"We're twenty now. I thought it was time I stop crawling through windows and that maybe I should occasionally use your real name... although to me you'll always be Coop."

"I like the way my name sounds on your lips. But I love being Coop with you."

He kisses the top of my head and then says, "You weren't alone for Christmas were you because Avery and I would have loved having you. I mean, it was just us, but we grilled steaks and watched Die Hard."

"That sounds pretty amazing. But no I wasn't alone. We went to Carson's. You know his mom works a lot of nights and holidays so it was just us and his sisters. I cooked and we watched the Grinch." It's funny because when it was happening I thought it was pretty sad and pathetic, but now that I'm in Hayden's arms everything sounds better.

We're quiet for a few more minutes till Hayden finally asks, "So, what happened with that boyfriend?"

"Does it matter?" I ask not ready to answer yet.

"It might."

"It didn't seem to matter at the front door." I reply.

"It might matter later on but it didn't matter then. You're mine." He says confidently and I know such an anti-feminist, possessive remark would be appalling to my friends at school. But the truth is, I've missed being his and all I can think about is that I want him to make love to me again.

"Well, if it were to matter at some other time, there is no boyfriend. We broke up."

"When?" He asks, sounding less confident than he did just a minute ago.

"After I saw you at Homecoming."

"Why?" He asks softly.

"I guess because I'm yours." I tease, but my voice is thick with emotion and his arms tighten around me. I kiss the side of his neck and say, "It's been two years, more than two years, and you still feel like home."

"Because I am your home. That's what you told me."

I nod but the emotions I've been suppressing for so long are out now and I feel a sob come bubbling to the surface and the next thing I know I sit up and shove him away from me as I choke on tears. "You left me! You got out of bed and you left me and you went and slept with half the Gator Babes and then you slept with Aimee!"

"Me? You left me! And you lied to me! That was the worst part! You knew... for all those months you knew and you told Caleb and Max and Mrs. Asher. You even told Aimee! You told everyone but me! What did you think? Was I too stupid to understand? Did you think that I would hold you back; That I didn't want you to get to live out your dreams? Do you know how much it killed me when I realized that you'd been lying to me for months? You were the one person I trusted in the whole world." He yells back and I'm pretty sure he's crying too, which I've never seen him do.

We sit in bed crying for several minutes, both of us silent until I finally dive into his arms and he pulls me tightly against him as I cry and say, "You're right. That was the worst part; when I knew that I was keeping something from you because I never kept things from you."

"It's fine. Forget about it. I'm fine." He insists kissing my forehead.

"No, don't you dare do that. Don't minimize this. I hurt you and I was wrong. You have to love me enough to love me even when I'm wrong and even when I hurt you. I have to know that you love me that much because I'm going to be wrong again and I'm going to hurt you again. And you'll hurt me again. And just like all those times when we were kids and we broke up, I always knew we'd get back together. I never thought for one minute we were really done. But when you walked out that night..."

"I love you enough to love you even when you hurt me." He says softly and then he asks, "Will you help me learn to trust you again? It's... the hardest thing in the world for me to trust anyone, even you. Will you help me?"

"Only if you'll help me too."

He nods. "I forget sometimes that we really are two halves of the same whole. That means that while we fit together well, we also seem to have all the same weaknesses."

"I love you Hayden James Nichols... I love you in spite of and because of your so-called-weaknesses. I love everything that makes you 'you'; that makes you mine."

"I love you Coop. No matter what happened and no matter what will happen, I've never stopped loving you and I never will."

***

"You have to go." I whisper, waking Hayden before daylight.

"Ummhmm." He grunts. "No."

He looks beautiful, sprawled on his stomach with the white sheet against his tanned back. In reality it's taking strength I didn't know I had not to wake him for other reasons.

"Yes. Max will probably be in this morning, and I haven't seen daddy all Christmas, but it doesn't mean he won't be here."

He turns his head to look at me with sleepy eyes and sexy bed-hair, "Coop, I think the secret is out. Max is seventeen. I'm pretty sure he knows that we do this."

"No. Max knowing it and Max coming home and finding it out first hand are two different things."

"Can't we just move to the couch and act like I just dropped in... really early." He says and I feel my resolve start to waver.

"No... you have to go."

"Coop we have more than two years to make up for and you're going back to school soon. I don't want to be away from you." He pleads and it tears at my heart and I'm weakening when he finally says, "I will go on one condition. You have to promise to come over later and stay the night with me."

"No. I'm not spending the night with you at Avery's." I argue.

"Coop... I'm 100% certain that Avery knows that we're having sex. I mean we've done it like a million times with him down the hall."

"I doubt it was a million times." Although in hindsight, it was a lot. "But I didn't sleep over... except when he wasn't there."

Hayden groans again and gives me a look. "Fine. I'll leave and I will sleep alone tonight," He says irritably, but then he grabs me around the waist and rolls over on me as I giggle, happily and helplessly trapped beneath him. "But first things first..."

By the time we finally emerge from the bedroom we figure it's late enough in the morning that we can reasonably convince anyone that he's just come by that morning... anyone, that is, who didn't see his truck parked here all night.

By noon we're snuggled on the couch watching TV and eating leftover Christmas cookies and I'm happier than I have any right to be. We've talked about everything and nothing at all. I told him about college and how miserably homesick I was without him and he told me about how much it hurt to have to admit that he wasn't a good enough player to make it at college; even though he never wanted it in the first place. I made him tell me every Gator Babe he was with, so I know who to glare at when I pass them at the grocery store and he asked me how long I waited with Simon and we agree that now that we've talked about it we're never acknowledging any of it again. He asked me how I'd managed to become friends with Aimee now, and I ask him how he and Caleb were able to get passed everything. He tells me about their fight, including the part about me which is good because I don't want any secrets or half-truths between us now.

By 5:30 we decide to head into town for sustenance. We're heading down the front steps when a car pulls up and I recognize my dad. And just behind him I see Max pulling into the driveway.

Carson

"I've decided that even if I ever have enough money that I can afford not to work the Christmas shift, I want Georgia Cooper to cook Christmas dinner. That girl is a miracle worker in the kitchen." Mom states as she and I close pizza boxes and Caitlin and Celia throw away their plates and napkins.

"Hey, I'll have you all know I'm famous for my scrambled eggs and my mac-n-cheese. And I can order pizza like nobody's business." I tease with mock indignation.

"Of course you can, baby." Mom tells me, kissing my cheek. She turns to the girls and says, "So you've had almost 48 hours to decide. What's your favorite present?"

They both talk excitedly and I listen, settling into the corner chair of our favorite waiting room at the hospital. Mom wasn't even sixteen when I was born so she's still just over thirty now. No one knows better than me how hard she's worked to overcome getting pregnant at fifteen by someone she was hopelessly in love with who probably doesn't even remember her name. Her parents forced her to leave home if she was going to keep me, but she went to work as a cleaning lady at the hospital and took her GED when I was a baby. She stayed on at the hospital and became an aid and then put herself through nursing school. She was still in her early twenties at the time and beautiful; tall and thin with long blond hair, gray-blue eyes and tons of southern grace. She was doing great and we were managing fine before she married Daryl Jennings. He seemed like a good guy who wanted to legally adopted me; she wouldn't have been with him otherwise. He made a good living selling insurance so he encouraged her to give up her job and stay home with me and have more babies, but in reality he was never interested in having a relationship with me. But he was a great pretender and very convincing and she wanted to be convinced. Unfortunately, it turned out he was no more suited to fatherhood when Caitlyn and Celia came along than he was with me. He left when Celia was two, promising to pay child support and keep in touch. He's sent four payments, seen the girls a handful of times and me not at all. But mom just went back to work and kept on taking care of us. She works a lot of night and weekends, but that's when you get the best pay. 11pm – 11am is a good shift for us. It's four on, three off, three on, four off. She goes in after the girls are in bed. I get them up and to school in the morning. She comes in and sleeps a few hours and is there to pick them up and then help them with homework and fix dinner. But right now she's on 3pm-mid which means that she works five on two off. She comes in after they're in bed and leaves before they get out of school. So right now we're eating a lot of dinners in our favorite waiting room.

We have a tough time of it. I wouldn't try to pretend otherwise. But she does the most that she can and she takes care of us. Yes, I have to work a lot and yes, I drive a lot of carpools and go to a lot of dance classes, but she's there every second she's not at work. She's the one who discovered that I could play football and got me on a team. She left our rental house in the country and got an apartment in the city limits so I could be a Gator. I trust her completely, and I'd do anything for her.

The girls settle into watch some TV and she turns back to me. "So I'm off on New Year's Eve until afternoon on New Year's Day. So what do you have planned?"

I think on it. "We can..."

"No, no, no. You're going to get all 'handsomed-up' and go out with your friends and be a teenaged boy. Mama's orders." She scolds, wagging her finger.

I smile and agree to her demands before gathering all the girls stuff and watching as they tell her goodbye. We head home, promising to wait up and see her when she comes in. It's Christmas break so no bedtime, but I'm certain that I'll be waiting up alone... but I'm used to it.

Avery

I walk around the corner and see an open-door to one of the pharmaceutical closets on the geriatrics floor so I look inside, see what I'm searching for and then close the door behind me before slipping my arms around a slim waist and moving aside a blonde ponytail to kiss her long slender neck.

"Avery Thomas if we get caught and my reputation is ruined I will never forgive you."

"We're not going to get caught." I tease happily.

Claire Jennings turns to face me and I wonder if that wary look will ever not be in her eyes, but then she smiles and says, "I'm a mother of three. Making out in supply closets with younger men is not appropriate."

"I'm less than a year younger than you." I argue for the millionth time.

"I'm an old thirty-two."

"I've raised Hayden and he's twenty."

"You didn't raise him. He was older than Carson when you got him." She says, with a laugh, swatting my arm.

"So where are we on the whole, 'spending New Year's Eve together'?" I ask.

"Well I've ordered Carson to go out with his friends so that's a good start. The girls are a little less likely to hate you and judge you on sight."

"But Carson likes me. Carson has slept over at my house... a very appropriate, PG guy's night I might add."

"Carson doesn't like you." She corrects me. "Carson worships the ground that Hayden Nichols walks on and you are Hayden's cool older brother who lets Hayden have him over for guy's night. Trust me, if Carson knew you were hitting on his mom it would be a different story."

"I'm not hitting on his mom. I like his mom... a lot. I've been asking his mom out for six months and she's just finally started to acknowledge my presence. And you're wrong. Carson does like me." I say, a little defensively.

She lightens and kisses me quickly. "I'm sure he does. And his mom likes you a lot, even if you are too young for her. But I've basically only dated one person since I had Carson and that was Caitlyn and Celia's dad and not only did he abandon them, but he was a jerk to Carson so you can understand why we're all a little gun shy. Just don't pressure me on this, okay. I will come around eventually."

I leave her and I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I'm dying to tell Hayden, but I know I need to wait. Of course since Hayden didn't come home last night I'm hopeful he has news on the female front as well. If he and Georgia don't get back together soon I'm not sure I can handle it.

I arrive home and find Hayden and Georgia together so I'm assuming that they have in fact worked it out, but then I realize that Georgia is crying and Max is in the kitchen pacing.

"Avery, Max is moving in with us." Hayden says when I barely get inside the door.

"Hayden, you can't do that. Avery, forget he just said that." Georgia says angrily, but I watch Max's face go from elated to crushed in the beat of a heart.

"What is going on?" I ask, hanging up my jacket and sitting on the barstool nearest the door.

"Coop's dad came in and announced that he's getting rid of the trailer because he's remarrying and he's moving in with her and there's no room for Max. That's exactly how he put it. He said 'there's no room for Max'." Hayden says angrily and I wonder how Georgia kept him from tearing her dad limb from limb. He already hates him because of how he's treated her over the years and I know Max has become his surrogate little brother this year during Georgia's absence.

"Avery, we're fine. We just needed to get out of there for the night. But we'll figure something out." Georgia interrupts.

"But this is 'something'!" Hayden argues. "You can't do anything because you're going back to school. Max is family. He knows that. And we have three bedrooms. It just makes perfect sense."

"Avery, don't listen to him. We don't want to put you on the spot." Georgia says pointedly.

"Don't be silly. Of course you guys can stay here as long as you need. Like Hayden says. You and Max are family. Come on and I'll show Max the guest room." I take him down the hall and show him where everything is. He mumbles a thank you and flops down on the bed with his IPhone. I turn to find Hayden tailing us so I drag him into my bedroom to confront him.

"You can't just offer to let people move in here without talking to me." I say angrily.

"I thought this was my home." He replies and I groan because we're right back to where we were two and a half years ago. "Besides I pay rent."

"You pay a portion of the rent." I correct.

"Well if it's that big a deal I'll pay more."

"Hayden!" I say before running my hands through my hair and sinking down on the bed. "I'm dating Carson's mom."

"What?" Hayden asks, processing my words and then saying, "Congratulations. I've seen her. She's pretty hot for a mom. But what does that have to do with anything?"

I sigh. "I don't know. But I want her to think I'm, you know, capable of being with her and her kids."

"And Max is her kid's best friend. What's the deal?"

"The deal is that I feel like we're running a frat house. You and me; Carson and Max sleeping on the couch or the floor; Georgia coming and going at all hours; Caleb passed out. A mother of three is not going to marry someone like that."

He looks at me and nods. "So we're serious about this."

I nod as the impact of my feelings hit me too.

"Okay... how about this. Max moves in. And we run a clean, safe house for him, and Carson when he visits. There's no drinking and no Caleb passing out on the couch. And when Georgia is home on the weekends, either she stays with friends or I'll sleep on the boat or the couch, and she can have my room and we keep all of that completely and totally behind closed doors. Trust me, she's pretty protective of Max when it comes to us."

I look at him and I realize that in the two and a half years since I got custody of him this may be the first thing he's really asked of me. "She's the love of your life right?"

"Completely." He says earnestly.

I smile and assure him, "Then that makes Max family. Of course he can move in... for as long as he needs to."

Aimee

I love New Year's Eve in downtown Grassland. Every year I say I'm going over to Mobile for the famed Moon pie drop, but every year I end up on Main Street where the Christmas decorations are still up. Street vendors sell hot cider, cocoa and Irish coffee as well as hot dogs and funnel cakes and everything else, and a band sets up a stage and everyone dances. It's seldom ever cool enough to need more than a light jacket and tonight is no exception. I'm in a white cardigan over a green polka-dotted dress, and the temperature is just right.

As I walk along the street I know everyone I pass and everyone smiles and waves, but no matter how many people I see, I don't see the one person I want to see. But it doesn't take long before I run into the two people who are closest to him, and just like the old days, they're wrapped around each other and oblivious to the rest of the world.

"So can I assume you finally took my advice?" I tease, hugging Georgia and whispering in her ear.

She laughs and nods and we all talk for a few minutes. I tell them about Charleston and they explain the latest developments with Georgia's family and how Max is living with Hayden and Avery now. Finally, I give in and ask, "So I was thinking Caleb might be here. Any word from him?"

"You haven't talked to him?" and I can tell that Hayden looks worried.

"No, why?"

"He's not going to be here. He's actually in Nashville."

"What's he doing there?" I ask curiously,

Hayden looks down at his shoes and I can tell he doesn't want to tell me, but he finally says, "He's transferring to Vanderbilt this semester and he wanted to get settled in before the new semester started."

"Oh... wow." I say, but I know my voice sounds weak and far away because I'm suddenly unable to breathe. "Well, that's great. I know he's thinking ortho and Vanderbilt is great. That's really great... for him."

"Listen." Georgia says, taking my hand and I can tell she's worried about me too. "I'm leaving Sunday night to go back to school. Make sure you call me to make plans because I really want you to come spend a few days with me, okay."

"Yes, I will." I answer although I know I won't. Caleb has officially left me behind and it's just a matter of time before everyone else does too. But I'm Aimee Asher, twirler and former princess so I smile brightly and lie, "I'm meeting someone so I better go, but you guys have a great New Year."

Hayden

She walks away and I look at Georgia who has a very worried expression on her face.

"Oh no. She's crushed. She was so excited after their last encounter, thinking that it was really going to go somewhere this time." She explains.

"Well I guess so. I mean, they had sex in the car at Walmart." I state bluntly.

"They did not!" Georgia argues. "Where did you hear that?"

"Caleb told me. He came in, totally shook up, and got knee walking drunk."

"Oh no." Georgia says. "She didn't tell me that. She just said they talked. But she was so happy."

"Well he wasn't happy." I tell her. "He'd just gotten the transfer letter and he said that Aimee is just a distraction."

She huffs. "That's a crappy thing to say."

"Hey, if one of us is at risk of being a distraction it's definitely me, and not you." I argue.

"You are my most beloved and favorite distraction and I refuse to stop being distracted by you." She says, pulling me toward her and kissing me eagerly before pulling away and saying, "They really did it in the car... in the Walmart parking lot?"

"Come on Coop, we've had more than a few parking lot excursions in our time too."

"We were young and trashy and stupid." She replies.

I whisper close to her ear, "And what about last night on the boat?"

"That's different. You're living there right now." She says and I pull her against me and kiss her again as she giggles gleefully.

"Hayden?" I hear from behind me and we turn together to see Belle standing right beside us. "I thought that was you. And Georgia. I didn't know you two... that is, I hadn't..."

She stops and I smile. "Yes, we are back together. Happy New Year Bella-girl." I add, using the name I called her when she was little and giving her a big hug.

"Happy New Year." She says shyly, and I'm reminded that Georgia, and later Aimee, have both warned me about Belle's crush. I love her like family and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt her, but even now that she's a tenth grader I can't believe that they know what they're talking about. I might only be four years older than her in years, but I'm a million years older in life and she must know that. Besides, she's always known about me and Georgia so seeing us back together should show her that I'm in a serious relationship and hopefully put that crush from her mind.

"Come on. You're a sophomore. Sixteen in a few weeks, right?" I ask.

"Right." She answers.

"So surely you must have big plans tonight." I probe.

She shrugs and Georgia jumps in. "I know Maci Ellis is having a party. Max and Carson Jennings were going."

"Yeah, I thought about going there." She says noncommittally.

"Well what are you waiting for? You're only a teenager once." I tell her. She nods and wishes us a Happy New Year and walks away.

"I've told you before and I'll tell you again. One of these days, that crush of hers is going to be a problem."

"Jealous?"

"Of you, never. I know 100% that you're mine totally and forever. But jealous of someone else thinking they can have you? You better believe it."

Max

January 2008

"It's been two weeks since New Year's. She still hasn't returned any of my calls." I say, holding my phone up to the sky to see if it has any better reception.

"A wise person might take that as a sign." Carson says, stepping back and passing the ball and hitting the bulls eye we'd hung up on the side of his apartment building.

"You don't understand. We had such a good time."

"You talked for like ten minutes." Carson argues and I know he's irritated with me.

"It was more than ten minutes." I argue.

He's my best friend and it's killing me not to tell him how much more than ten minutes, but I like Belle. I've always liked her and now that there could be something starting between us the last thing I want to do is anything that would push her away. I know Carson wouldn't say anything to anyone, but for the first time in my life it just seems like something that I shouldn't share with him... or anyone.

"You know, never mind. I just need to give Belle space and time and she'll... call me back or something."

"Whatever." Carson says hitting the bullseye. At least his hostility has made his accuracy spot on.

"You know, what is with you? You've been a total dick ever since New Year's. Are you really this pissed about your mom dating Avery? I mean, my dad married a girl who's three years older than Georgia and they're having a baby. I'm going to have a little half sibling running around this town that I don't even know. And on top of all that, he threw me out of my house. And I've taken it like a man."

"No, you've just been too busy trying to get Belle Carpenter to acknowledge your existence to whine about that." Carson says before adding. "And besides, you're living the dream; what's it like; 24-hour porn and beer living with Hayden?"

"No." I say with disdain. "First of all, I'm living with Avery. Hayden and I both live with Avery. And second of all, I've got way more rules than I've ever had. I have a curfew and I have to pick up the towels every day instead of just when there are too many wet towels in the floor to get to the shower."

"Gross. Is that how you did at home?" He says with disgust.

"If Georgia wasn't there. When she's there she does it. I'm kind of a spoiled brat when Georgia's around." I tease trying to lighten his mood. It isn't working.

"Whatever. Try doing laundry for three females plus yourself and then we'll talk."

"Okay, what is the deal? You never complain about your mom and your sisters. You do the carpool and pack the lunches and go to ballet classes and you're always good natured about it. But now that your mom is dating someone suddenly you're pissed about everything. I mean, you'd think you'd be begging her to marry Avery so you wouldn't have to do everything."

He shoves me hard and I almost go down, but I'm way bigger than him so I shove him back and he almost loses his balance before charging at me.

I hold him off easily and shout, "Get a hold of yourself! What's wrong with you man? Is your mom dating Avery really such a bad thing?"

"You don't get it!" He yells, madder than I've ever seen him. "When she married before that guy was a jerk. He treated her bad, he treated me bad and then he hurt Caitlyn and Celia. I promised myself I'd never let anyone else treat us like that again."

I sigh and step away to lean against the wall. No matter how absent my dad was, and how protective I've always been of Georgia, she's always taken care of me; she's always been responsible for me. But Carson feels responsible for not just his sisters but his mom too. No wonder he handles the pressure of a defensive line without breaking a sweat. What's that compared with feeling like he's carrying his family on his shoulders?

"Avery is a good guy. He's not like your step-father. I mean he fought to raise Hayden, when he was barely older than us. He's letting me live with them and he fixes breakfast in the morning and talks to me about my day. He's more of a dad than my real dad has ever been and he's not anything to me."

Carson's quiet for a long time before he finally says. "I've always taken care of my sisters and my mother."

I study my friend for a long time and I realize that this is territory I know nothing about.

Finally, I nervously ask him, "What are you worried about? That he won't be able to do it as well as you, or that he'll be better at it?"

Caleb

I open my dorm room and see the light on my land line phone blinking. Up until that point I wasn't sure it actually worked. I dial it quickly and I'm shocked to hear an urgent message from Hayden. He's sent me two text and left two voicemails in the last week, all of which I've ignored.

I've never been this busy or this stressed in my life. School is killer and the job as a tech at the hospital is invaluable, but it's kicking my teeth in. I've just really not had time for Hayden or anyone else. But five calls and he's obviously not going to get the hint so I dial quickly and wait impatiently for him to answer.

"Dude where have you been? I've called you like a dozen times and you've ignored me. You don't do crap like that."

"Yes that's more your style." I say irritably. "And it hasn't been a dozen times. So what's wrong? What d'ya need?"

"I just... you left like three weeks ago and I just wanted to make sure you've gotten settled in and that you don't need anything... you know help moving or just moral support."

"No I'm fine. I'm all moved in and working my butt off. Between school and my job at the hospital I'm like 24/7 busy." I explain... thinking 'take the hint.'

"Okay. Well we're all good here." He says launching into some long story about Georgia's dad remarrying so Max is moving in with him and Avery and Avery is dating Carson's mom. I'm only half listening, trying to look over some of my notes from today.

When he finally stops talking I say, "So you and Georgia are still together?"

"Really? That's all you heard in all of that?"

"I'm sorry, man but I'm busy and you know you two have trouble maintaining that rabid level of devotion for any extended period of time."

He's quiet for a minute before saying, "Is the view pretty good from up on that high horse man?"

"Look..."

"No you look. The real reason I called is because of Aimee. It's none of my business..."

"You're damn right about that." I bite defensively.

"I said, it's none of my business, but somehow Coop and Aimee have become BFF's and Coop is worried about Aimee and Coop is my business. Aimee's quit school and is waitressing and... she really thought that what happened between you at Christmas meant something and when it didn't she was pretty broken up. Especially when you left town and moved to Vanderbilt without even telling her."

"You know speaking of high horses; I'd be careful up there. I know you're not used to it." I say angrily. "But I think that it's pretty ballsy of you or Aimee to think that I owe her anything because of a momentary lapse in judgment that she was just as responsible for, if not more, as me."

"Well then I guess this was just my mistake." He says and I can hear the anger in his voice, but more than that... he's disappointed in me. "I assumed that the guy who's been my best friend for all my life wouldn't just jump at an opportunity for easy sex just because it presented itself... especially with someone he used to love. I thought if you knew how she felt, you'd want to at least clear the air with her. I guess I was wrong."

"I guess you were. You know, your life seems to have worked out just fine so... why not borrow a page from your book?" I say coldly.

"Okay, fine. Take care of yourself Cal. We'll talk... when we talk."

He hangs up the phone and I feel 100% like the jerk that I am. And I don't even know why I acted like this. This is what I wanted. This is the school I wanted, the career path. I wanted to put Aimee behind me and Grassland behind me and if I'm being honest, I even wanted to put Hayden and Georgia behind me; maybe not them but the part of me who spent so much time worrying about them.

But more than doubling the distance from my parents and home has proven harder than I thought. So has the new program where everyone knows each other and I'm just the new guy. To top it off, at my first study group I innocently mentioned something about my career ending football injury being a large part of my motivation to excel in ortho, and after that I was immediately labeled as a dumb jock. So I have no friends, no respect and every instinct in me wants to run home to the safety of my friends.

Making matters so much worse is that I still can't shake what happened with Aimee at Christmas. It wasn't just sex; it was everything that made me love her for all those years and everything that made me certain that my future would include her no matter what. I made the decision to walk away from her for the good of my career, but it wasn't what I wanted and now I'm scared and lonely all the time and more than anything I want to dial her number and hear her voice; hear her believing in me again.

But two things keep me from reaching out to her and from reaching out to Hayden and home. First, no matter how hard it is, I still want this. And I just can't help feeling that if I'm going to do this, I can't have a safety net to run home to. I can't know that Hayden's waiting with beer and pizza and easy acceptance. If I'm going to make it here, it's going to have to be with no backup at home.

And second, I believed in Aimee once before. I trusted that she'd be the one who loved me and stood by me no matter what, and then I stopped being the Caleb Sanders that she'd always loved and she stopped loving me; stopped wanting me. Now, for the first time since the accident, I feel like that Caleb Sanders again and again she wants me. But what if I fail again? What if I don't make it here and I stop being that Caleb Sanders again? Will I lose her again? I don't know, but what I do know is that I couldn't survive it again. She broke my heart once and I barely made it through. I can't put myself out there again... no matter how much I want to.

Avery

February 2008

"Stop fidgeting. You look fine." Hayden says as I look at myself in the mirror... again.

I guess he's right. My light brown hair is short so it's never messed up and I'm tall and still tend to look a little gangly at thirty-plus, but at least I'm not a scrawny kid anymore. Of course, compared to my younger brother I could be considered underdeveloped, but I work out regularly. And it's all ridiculous because Claire knows what I look like and I'm not going to score any points with Carson based on my hair or choice of shirt.

"I wish Georgia was in town and you two could go with us." I say nervously.

"I wish Georgia was in town period." He says and I can tell he's miserable without her... even though it's been less than a week since she was home. I'm not sure how she's holding down a job, keeping up her grades and coming home as often as she does. "But if you want Max and me..."

"No, we're trying to get away from the frat house thing."

"You didn't earn any points for taking in a stray boy?"

"Don't say that!" I scold Hayden. "What would Georgia say if she heard you say that?"

"Nothing. I'm the original stray boy."

I frown. "You're not a stray and neither is Max. And yes I earned some points for it. How do you think I finally got her to invite me over for dinner with her and the kids?"

"Just relax and have fun. I'm sure they're going to love you."

Two hours later I look at myself in Claire's bathroom mirror and sigh. They hate me... but that's not entirely true. Celia seems to like me, telling me she helped with the casserole and asking me if I'd like to meet all of her pound puppies. But Caitlyn, who looks like a miniature Claire, glares at me constantly. And Carson... my friend Carson who plays poker and sleeps over at my house, looks at me with complete disgust. I'm reminded of the scene in Jerry McGuire where someone tells him that dating a single mother is a big deal because single mothers don't date. A single mother is a sacred thing. I want to assure young Carson that I know this. I had a single mother too and she dated someone who wasn't very nice and he didn't treat me or her well and then he really didn't treat my little brother very well.

But telling him that is like telling him that I plan to marry her; that I plan to be around. And I do. I've known almost since meeting Claire that she's the one and every time I'm with her I'm more certain of this. And the last few weeks she seems to be warming up to me too. But knowing that and him knowing it are too different things.

I look at him across the table, his amber colored eyes filled with distrust and wariness. I've seen those eyes before... looking back at me from the mirror when Brad Nichols became a part of our life. I want to tell Carson all of this but instead I just smile nervously and accept his hostility. We'll work it out in time, and Claire is worth it.

Georgia

"So what brings you by looking so miserable?" Aimee asks, opening the door and letting me into her bedroom.

"This is my face... all the time now. When I first went to college I cried all the time because I missed Hayden all the time. But eventually I got passed it. But now I cry all the time. I cry when I leave him, when we talk on the phone and then I cry when I get back to school because I'm wasting this thing, this opportunity, my dream... and I can't even care because all I can care about is that I'm miserable because I miss Hayden." I explain and then I add. "And tonight I'm particularly miserable because I'm here and Hayden has some stupid thing with the Carpenters and can't even see me tonight."

"I didn't think you were coming home this weekend?"

"I wasn't, but I switched a shift so I could come home. I stayed last weekend till Monday morning. I left the boat at 5:00 am and drove back to get to class by 8:00. I've been an exhausted mess all week, but by Thursday when I thought I wasn't coming home, I couldn't function." I explain groaning and running my hands through my hair. "I know I'm being a big old bawl bag and I hate it. I'm so happy with Hayden... I mean we're really good and I know he's my future and I want it... but I've worked so hard for this and I'm worried I won't be able to hold out and finish. All I can think about is figuring out how to move home so I don't have to be away from him."

"Okay, you cannot do that. I won't let you." Aimee argues. "Does Hayden know how you feel?"

"He's being great about it. He's super supportive... wants me to finish school, do the trip to Amsterdam this summer ... there are days when him pushing me is the only thing that's keeping me out of the university of Mobile." I shake my head. "Let's talk about something else? How are you?"

"Don't ask it like that? It makes me feel pathetic." She says defensively.

"Like what?"

"With that 'I pity you' head tilt. I'm fine. I'm happy not to be wasting time and money at school and the money at Grady's is excellent." She states with conviction.

"How are you even there? You're not twenty-one." I point out.

She shrugs. "It's backwoods; Brewster's Mill. They don't ask and I don't tell."

"And still no word from Caleb?"

"Stop asking me that! No, he hasn't called me. He's not going to call me." She says angrily.

I nod. "Hayden is worried about him. He says it sounds like he might not be adjusting to Vanderbilt particularly well."

"You know, that's Hayden's opinion. You know what I think. I think that he's adjusted just fine and he's left us all behind. I've had a lot of time to think about this and I know that I acted awful when he got hurt. I know his life fell apart when he had the accident, but so did mine and it wasn't about being 'Mrs. NFL player'. I was seventeen. Surprise, I handled things badly."

I nod. "There was a lot of that going around at the time."

"Exactly. But the difference is that you and Hayden loved each other enough to find your way back to each other. And I loved Caleb enough to find my way back to him. But he doesn't love me that much. And the worst part of all is that the thing I've always loved about Caleb is the very thing that made it so easy for him to walk away from me. It's the part of him that made that clean break from UAB to Vanderbilt when a better medical school was available; the part of him who made that clean break from football when he couldn't be the superstar anymore. He supposedly loved football more than anything, and he could have probably walked on plenty of places... but he couldn't walk on at LSU or Auburn and become a superstar and get to the NFL so he just walked away from football and made a new dream. It's the same part of him who walked away from Grassland and went back to Mississippi when football was no longer a part of his life and the same part of him that never once tried to get me back... even when I became the school slut and ended up sleeping with his best friend who he knew good and well I didn't even like. At the end of the day, he was always that eleven-year-old-boy who walked away from his school and his friends and his whole life because he knew where his best chance at his future was and that was by being a Grassland Gator."

"Aimee, stop torturing yourself. Caleb is human and he makes mistakes..." I whisper, feeling for the first time just how shattered she is and how shattered she has been for more than two years.

"And what we did at Christmas was one of those mistakes; for him anyway. You know I should have been there when he got hurt. I know that. I should have been in that hospital room telling him that we could get through anything and I'd still love him if he was a ditch digger. But I didn't and I think maybe it was because I knew deep down how easy it would be for him to just go somewhere else and start a new dream with a new girlfriend. And I know that I should have done better, but do you know what I needed from him? I needed for him to tell me that he knew I was scared, and he knew that I'd hung all my hopes and dream on him and his future, but that he loved me and that he'd take care of us even if he had to be a ditch digger. If he'd said that, that's all it would have ever taken. That's all it would take right now."

"Aimee... what would happen if you picked up the phone and called, or got in your car and drove to Nashville and just told him how you feel? You know you told me once to just get it over with and jump Hayden. It turned out to be really good advice."

Aimee nods but I know she's not going to do it and I guess I don't blame her. I sigh and say, "I don't know. Maybe it wasn't such good advice. I jumped Hayden and it was amazing and we're amazing and I hate my life right now."

"You don't hate your life. You worked your butt off to get this life; Tulane and Hayden. And here's what I know about you and Hayden. Once upon a time you were so afraid of missing out on all this. You knew if you did you'd resent Hayden for it."

"You're right. The problem is, that was before I missed out on two years with Hayden. Now I think I resent my dreams."

I leave Aimee's but I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Finally, at just before midnight I give up. Surely Hayden's thing with the Carpenters is over. I drive out to the boat, figuring he's already in for the night. I'm a little disappointed he didn't call me to come over but he knew I wanted to check in on Aimee. And besides, it's me and Hayden. When is he ever really not happy to see me?

Hayden

"I'm sorry it's so late but I couldn't get away till now." Belle explains, sitting on the boat deck beside me. I know why she's here. She dropped a bomb on me earlier at her birthday party and told me what was going on. She begged me to meet her and of course I did. She's like my little sister so I wanted to help of course, but it's going on midnight and I haven't called Coop. I know she's standing on her head. I hate this. I never keep secrets from her, but this isn't really my secret.

I shake my head and repeat the same thing I said to her this afternoon. "You have to tell him Belle. Max deserves to know the truth. He deserves to know what's going on."

"Why? It's not about him. It was one night! One stupid meaningless time!" She says tearfully and I can't believe that this is the sweet, innocent little snaggle-toothed red head I've known since she was eight.

"Okay first of all, I'm not so sure he would say it was a stupid meaningless night. And second he has a right to know just because." I think about Coop and me and how long we've been having sex. We're always careful, but back in the beginning I'm not sure we were. I know Coop would have told me if she'd been pregnant, but... what if she hadn't? How would I have felt if she'd gone through something like this without me?

"But there won't be anything to know if I can just get $600." She says desperately.

"Belle this isn't about the money. This is the biggest decision you'll ever make in your life. You need to talk to someone... what about Coop?"

She throws her hands up and I know that was the last thing I should have said. "She's the last person I should talk to."

"Fine then someone else. Mrs. Asher..."

"She'd tell my parents. Anyone from school will tell my parents. And Georgia..."

"I know. Georgia would tell Max." I say and I don't tell her that, even though she's my family so is Max. If she doesn't tell him, I can't help thinking I'll have to.

"Max is a good guy, but... I hardly even know him."

I shake my head because again I can't believe I'm hearing this. The Carpenters run a tight ship. They don't let Belle swim in mixed company or see PG-13 movies or even go to school dances. How did this happen? "Belle... I'm the last person on earth who can say one word about bad choices in relationships, but seriously, this isn't you. What happened?"

She starts crying and buries her face in her hands. "It's so stupid. it's the most pathetic thing ever. I mean, just the thought of hearing it out loud is almost too much."

"You don't have to tell me but if you want to... I promise not to think you're stupid."

She's quiet for a long time before she finally says in a tiny, scared voice, "It was you and Georgia. That night I saw y'all at New Year's Eve... downtown, holding hands and kissing...it was so obvious how you felt about her, about each other..."

I hate this because I love Belle. She's one of the few people in life that I actually trust who actually knows the real me. People have always told me that someday her crush would end up hurting her but I never thought it would be like this.

I wrap my arms around her and she sobs against my shoulder. "Hayden I'm so scared. I don't want to do this. I don't believe in this. But my parents will kill me. I cannot have a baby."

"We'll figure this out. If you decide to have an abortion or if you want to keep it; either way. You don't have to go through it alone. Whatever you decide I'm with you. You know how much you mean to me."

"Oh my God." I turn at the sound of Coop's voice and I feel the world tilt a little when I see the look on her face and realize what she thinks... what she thinks about me.

"I can't believe I'm seeing this! Hearing THIS! I feel so stupid!" She screams, turning back toward her car.

I run after her and grab her arm. "Coop no, it's not ..."

"Don't touch me!" She sobs stalking away.

I want to go after her but I know Belle is behind me crying as well... I'm torn because I know Coop is hurting, but dammit she should know better. What does it say about what she thinks about me if she immediately jumped to that conclusion based off of what she just saw? And Belle is a kid with real problems. She trusted me with this secret that she's afraid to share with anyone and I just walked away from her to be with someone who, after everything we've been through, continues to jump to the worst possible assumption about me. Finally, I go after Coop but by the time I reach her she's getting in her car and I'm too angry to even care that she's crying.

"Look I'm only going to say this once. If you really love me, you'll believe me when I tell you that you what you just saw is not what you think you just saw. That's all I can tell you. But Coop you have to believe me."

"I have to believe you? You who has the self-control of a rabbit... it's not enough you screwed half our senior class not to mention your best friend's girlfriend. I forgave you for that. I forgave you for all of it! But Belle Carpenter? She's sixteen! And you didn't just sleep with her. You got her pregnant." She screams.

I'm so angry with her I'm actually shaking. This may be the maddest I've ever been in my life. "I love you Coop. I have always been faithful to you. But if you can't take my word on this now, if that's the kind of man you think I am, then what am I even fighting for anyway?"

"Exactly! You have no idea what I've been through lately; what I'm putting myself through. I've been going out of my mind trying to balance my future, my dreams, my education... everything I've worked so hard to achieve... against staying here with you? Why am I tying myself in knots to be with you when you're nothing... nothing but dead weight tying me to a town with absolutely nothing to offer me."

I nod and I feel the walls go up around me, the walls that only she's ever been able to get behind completely and I say evenly. "If you really feel like that... you should go back to New Orleans and stay. In fact, you should just go to hell.''

Max

"Hello." Georgia answers and her voice doesn't even sound like herself.

"It's me. I just wanted to check on you." I say nervously. It's been a week since she went back to New Orleans in the middle of the night after her big fight with Hayden. All she told me was the once again he'd proven himself not to be the man she believed him to be; whatever that means.

"I'm okay. How are you?" She says weakly.

"I'm fine. I have a lot going on in school right now, but otherwise I'm good."

"Is Hayden being okay to you because if he's not, I'm sure we can figure something else out." She says hollowly.

"Hayden is being fine. I mean, he's sad and spends most his time on the boat. I think he's avoiding me, but he's not being mean or anything. And Avery is just being Avery. Is it okay if I stay?" I ask, suddenly worrying that I'm being disloyal to her.

"Yeah of course." She answers. "I mean... just for this semester."

"Why just this semester?" I ask. "I've got another year of high school."

She's quiet for a long time before she answers, "Because I'm coming home after this semester."

"Why? Georgia, what about Amsterdam? What about all of it?"

"I just don't want it anymore." She answers dully. "I always thought that Hayden was holding me back. But the truth is, the future that I had planned with Hayden was what motivated me to want to be... more. If I don't have Hayden, what's the point?"

I know she's crying and I hate this, and I want to be mad at Hayden, but I've seen him and he looks as bad as she sounds. "Gigi, tell me what happened. Because I can't imagine that whatever it is, it's bad enough for all this."

I can hear her cries turn to sobs so I sit silently for a long time before she finally speaks. "It is bad enough. We made a promise after Christmas that we'd love each other and forgive each other, even when we're stupid and hurt each other. But... I don't think he'll ever forgive me for what I did this time."

"Wait a minute." I say, confused. "When you left, you said that Hayden wasn't the man you thought he was."

"I know, but... I've had a week to think about it and I think instead, I'm not the person I thought I was." She says softly. "I walked up on a conversation with Hayden and someone and it sounded bad. It sounded like maybe Hayden had cheated on me... with someone really inappropriate. But I've had a week to think about it and I know that Hayden wouldn't cheat on me, especially with this person, especially now after everything we've been through. But I believed this awful thing about him... I didn't even give him a second to defend himself. And I think I did it because I was looking for a way out."

"You wanted out?" I ask incredulously.

"No... of course not!" She says tearfully. "But ... maybe for just a second. It's so much. Loving Hayden has always been so much. I left Aimee's and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss him and how much I want to just throw it all away and be with him. And... for just a second all I could think was, if I didn't love Hayden so much, it would be so much easier to finish school and not miss him every second of the day. And then I walked up on that conversation and it was so easy to just... think the worst of him."

"Okay, really Georgia? I felt sorry for you before, but this is ridiculous. Just call him and tell him." I say and I know I sound exasperated, but she's starting to exhaust me.

"Hayden is such a good person." She cries. "He doesn't deserve to have people think the worst of him, especially me! I know he promised to forgive me, but he shouldn't have to forgive me for this! I shouldn't have hurt him like this."

"But you did. And Hayden loves you so much. Just tell him you're sorry." I groan and say, "I know you're punishing yourself for hurting him, but you're punishing him just as much. Just fix it Georgia... before it's too late."

"Too late for me and Hayden?" She says tearfully.

I sigh because after everything I don't know if it could ever be too late for them. Instead I remind her of the second most important thing in her life. "Before it's too late for school. You'll never push Hayden too far to forgive you, but if you push school too far and lose it... lose all the dreams you've worked for... you'll never forgive yourself and that's a responsibility that Hayden shouldn't have to bear."

I hang up the phone with her a few minutes later and I've made no headway which irritates me to no end. It's a Saturday afternoon and I figure Hayden is working at the nursery so I drive over and find him, shoveling mulch into bags.

"Okay so here's the thing. Georgia knows that you didn't cheat on her and she knows that she's being an idiot, but she says that you've had to forgive her for too many stupid things and you shouldn't have to forgive her for this so... you know. Call her up and tell her you forgive her and get back together already because she's planning to quit school and you know she'll hate herself if she does that." I say hurriedly while he works.

"Of course I forgive her. And I knew... even though she was mad when she left and believed the absolute worst about me... I knew that once she thought about it for a minute she'd realize that it was crazy and she'd beat herself up for it." He says without breaking his rhythm of working.

"So what... you just want her to feel like crap about you?"

"No." He answers, finally stopping to look at me. "Of course not. But do you know why she jumped so quickly to the wrong conclusion? Because she's miserable at school and she misses me and she wants to be here with me... and that scares her to death because going to college represents safety and success for her. So she jumped to the wrong conclusion so that she could break up with me so that she could want to be at school again."

"Well it's not working because, like I said. She's going to quit."

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me, "She's not going to quit. And we're going to get back together. I've just... I'm working on a plan. I'm going to fix this for her and this time I'm going to make sure it stays fixed. But I need a few days to figure everything out, okay?"

"Okay." I answer, wondering about his plans.

"If for some reason, I wasn't here, you'd be okay with Avery, right?" He asks curiously.

"Sure." I say, trying to figure out what he's getting at.

"Okay that's good to know. And thanks for coming by here." He says, returning to work, but then he turns back to me.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" He asks.

"Sure." I answer curiously.

"Have you talked to Belle Carpenter lately?"

Hayden

I arrive at Grady's Bar at just after 7:00 on a Friday night. The place is slammed and the clientele is not the most desirable. I'm once again struck with a wave of guilt. How much of what happened with me and Aimee contributed to the former princess of Grassland waitressing here? But the truth is, we've all had to live with our bad choices and I guess this is no different. I hunt her down as she carries a tray of drinks through the crowd and I catch her attention. She looks tired, more tired than any twenty-year-old should and I know now that she's taken this latest disappointment with Caleb harder than I realized.

"Hey, I know you're busy but I really need to talk to you for a second. Any chance you can get a break?"

"Look around you Hayden. These guys will tear me apart if I try to walk away right now. Come on; walk and talk." She says with a laugh.

"Okay, I just wanted to let you know that I'm uh going to New Orleans." I tell her quickly.

She looks at me distractedly and nods. "Okay... you mean like for the weekend?"

"No, like for good; or at least until Coop finishes school or whatever." I explain. "I just keep going over it all in my head and the problem is that Coop and I are both too insecure to do this alone and that's just the facts. So I'm going to go there and just be there for her."

She looks at me and there's sadness in her eyes that I don't think has anything to do with me. "Hayden that is amazing. Are you leaving right now?"

"Yeah. I asked Avery to come by here after work so I can tell him too but then I'm going. She doesn't even know yet."

"She'll be thrilled. You guys will work it out. You always do." She says looking around the busy room. "I'm going to try to get to a point where I can take my break before you leave. I actually need to talk to you before you go."

"Okay, I'll hang around." I agree. She gets me a coke and I go to the back of the bar; watching Alabama/LSU basketball on the big screen. Avery gets there at a little after 8:00. He complains about me choosing this out of the way place to meet, but I explain that I had to see Aimee and it was on the way to the interstate. Then I tell him my plans.

"It's about time man. Go and fix this and this time, keep it fixed okay?"

He tells me goodbye and I promise we'll be home often. I know I need to get on the road, but something about Aimee's request nags at me. I have another coke and wait, hoping she'll get a minute soon. I really don't want to leave with this unresolved.

Finally, at almost 10:00 she slides into the chair across from me and says, "I'm so sorry I kept you. You should have left by now."

"I know, but I wanted to talk to you. What's going on?"

She looks down and I know whatever it is, she isn't sure she wants to tell me after all. Finally, after a long pause she takes a deep breath and say, "It's about Caleb and me."

Georgia

It's seems weird tucking my little brother into bed now; not because he's 17 and 6"3', but because what he's just told me makes him suddenly older... but he's still my baby brother no matter what.

When he showed up on my doorstep this afternoon I knew something was seriously wrong, but nothing could have prepared me for what I heard. "I got Belle Carpenter pregnant."

I'm not Max's parent, but I've always felt like I was. I know parents live in fear of having a teenaged daughter come home and tell them she's pregnant, but to me having my teenaged brother tell me some girl is pregnant by him was the worst thing I could ever imagine. Until the next thing he said which was, "She got an abortion today."

I would classify myself as pro-choice; I would have classified myself as pro-choice, that is, before my baby brother was standing in front of me looking like he wants to die. I pulled him into my room and he cried for a long time and I just sat there, helpless. Finally, he began to share the whole story and the more he shared the worse I felt, because the more I heard, the more I realized that, as bad as this is, this is about more than him and Belle.

He told me about how he'd always been in love with Belle and she'd never even given him the time of day. Then on New Year's Eve she was at a party and she was drinking and he should have known better, but she kept coming on to him and then they ended up having sex. And then she wouldn't speak to him the next day... hadn't spoken to him at all until a few days ago when she finally told him about the baby and her plans to end her pregnancy. He'd asked her not to do it until they had time to talk about things; to just give him a chance to think. But she'd called him that afternoon and told him she'd done it.

There's nothing I can say to him about this. This won't fix. There's no way to change this. All that I can tell him is that eventually it won't hurt as much. But I don't know that for sure. Looking into his heartbroken eyes, I wonder if he'll ever get through this pain.

When I'm sure he's asleep I go out into the common room where I guess I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. And at long last I let myself think about Hayden... and how heartbroken his face had looked when I thought he was the one who got Belle pregnant. And still despite that, he covered for Max and protected Belle's secret. I hate myself and I don't blame him if he hates me, but I dial his number anyway because he promised to love me even when I hurt him and more than ever I need him to love me right now.

"It's me and I'm so sorry! I know the truth about Belle and Max, and I hate myself because I should have known it all along. I was so stupid, but you have to forgive me because you promised you would and you have to still love me because... I really need you to. So call me as soon as you get this voicemail. I really need to hear your voice tonight. And Hayden... not for one second have I ever stopped loving you. You are, have always been, and will always be the love of my life."

Aimee

In life so many things happen in a blur. From the moment that Georgia and I were standing in the Fish Basket and heard that there'd been a wreck in a black truck with a horn that played Dixie, everything was a blur; riding to the scene, seeing them strapping Caleb to the backboard, screaming at Hayden, Georgia slapping me... it was all a blur up until the point when we broke up.

But as I replay tonight's events everything about it is completely clear; Hayden coming to tell me that he's leaving to go get Georgia; Me trying to talk to him about Caleb, but continuing to get interrupted; The night getting later and the crowd getting rowdier as LSU and Alabama go into their second overtime, and a crowd with fans from both sides get drunker and more hostile. And then a guy, some drunk I'd never met grabbing me and Hayden pushing him. The other guy threw the first punch, but Hayden charged like we've all seen him do a million times. The other guy gave as good as he got. He had twenty-plus years and twenty-plus pounds on Hayden, but Hayden is a tank and he hits like a sledge hammer. In the end the guy went down with a large thwack and I heaved a sigh of relief. Until the second I realized he wasn't getting up.

Someone called an ambulance and someone else must have called the police because they arrived at the same time. The ambulance took the one guy, although we were all becoming aware that no ambulance could fix this, and the police took Hayden. I followed after them, calling Caleb along the way to call Avery. I've given my statement to the police, and thanks to more than my fair share of criminal TV shows I know to talk about being afraid for my life and feeling certain that Hayden has saved me from a far worse fate than death. But now we're just waiting.

"You should go home Aimee. I should go home. There's nothing we can do until tomorrow when he's arraigned." Avery says.

"I don't understand this. That guy would not leave me alone. He kept pawing me and I told him to leave me alone, and then Hayden told him. Hayden got between us and he hit him and then Hayden fought back. He didn't start any of this."

"I know. Hayden and two others from the bar corroborate the story, but they're keeping him overnight anyway. A man is dead. Hayden was underage in a bar."

"He was drinking coke. I poured it myself." I argue vehemently.

"I'm sure we'll get this all straightened out tomorrow." Avery assures me. "But tonight we've got to go home. There's nothing we can do."

"What about bail?"

"They can't get him in front of a judge until morning. There's nothing we can do." Avery explains wearily. He's fought so hard to have Hayden in his life. I can't imagine how much this must hurt him.

"We have to call Georgia." I say, as we start out the door.

"No." He states firmly. "Hayden was adamant that we can't call Georgia and we can't call Jesse Carpenter. He doesn't want them involved. If he could have done this without getting us involved, he would have."

"I called Caleb. I didn't know what else to do." I say, feeling myself nearing tears.

I guess it's no surprise that I called Caleb. After everything that's happened between us, tonight I realized that when the world caves in there's still no one I trust to put it back together more than Caleb.

"I know." Avery says sympathetically. "Come on. We have to go home. There's nothing else we can do tonight."

Avery

I put Aimee in her car and send her home and then start driving myself. Part of me just wants to keep driving away from here. I fought so hard to have Hayden in my life, convinced he'd be better off with me than with anyone else and now look at him.

And now I'm fighting so hard to have Claire and her kids in my life and she seems as resistant as he was to begin with. Maybe I'm just not meant for this. Maybe family isn't for me.

My phone rings and I look at the display and see that it's Caleb. I answer and immediately fill him in on the details.

"Has anyone called Georgia?" He asks.

"He is insisting that we don't. I've got his phone and he's got a message from her. I didn't listen to it, but..."

"I'm calling her. He'll get over it, but she'll kill us if we don't call her. And once she's here, he'll want her here." He says firmly and I understand why Hayden and everyone else always listen to him. "I'm driving now. Is it okay if I crash at your place when I get there?"

"Yeah. The key is under the mat." I tell him before adding. "You should call Aimee. She's pretty torn up."

He's quiet for a minute and then says, "No. I don't think Aimee wants to hear from me right now." And then he gives a quick goodbye and hangs up the phone.

I sigh and then I hit the speed dial for Claire. Telling the woman that you're pursuing, that the little brother you helped raise is being held on charges of manslaughter is not the way you want to start a relationship with a woman who's raising a teenaged son alone. But the truth is, she matters to me. And right now I need to know that I matter to someone. I really want that someone to be her.

Hayden

It's been two days since I was arrested; two days since everything spun out of control with such intensity that two days later it still takes my breath away. I know Coop is in town... begging to see me. And more than anything I want to see her, but I can't see her... not now; not like this. I'm sitting in an office with Avery and Caleb when the lawyer from Mobile that Avery hired comes in with his file folder and spreads everything out on the table. "So here's the long and the short of it. The district attorney is offering involuntary manslaughter; with a three-year sentence in Fountain Correctional Facility, with possibility of parole in fourteen months."

"Wait a minute? Manslaughter? Three witness testified that the other guy hit Hayden first." Caleb argues.

"And two more have come forward and say that the other guy was defending himself because Hayden was already on him."

"Because he was defending Aimee." Avery counters.

"Look, no one wants to hear this, but I'm going to tell you straight out what the DA is going to argue. Remember, I'm on your side, but I know how these things work. Aimee Asher has a bit of a reputation. She and Hayden have history. She's working, underage, in a bar with a bunch of drunk guys who give her tips based on how short her shorts are. Are you following me?"

Avery nods and I look at Caleb and I hate myself for putting him in this room. His face is a mask of composure, but I can see his jaw muscle twitching just below the surface.

"So Aimee is the one who ends up on trial." I say softly.

My attorney shakes his head and says, "Oh trust me, you'll both be on trial."

"Okay, but still, three years for involuntary manslaughter is a bit excessive. I've been looking at all of this and Hayden doesn't have any prior convictions except the underage drinking when he was seventeen." Avery argues.

"I would agree, but if we go to trial, they're not charging him with manslaughter. They're charging him with assault with a deadly weapon and assault with a deadly weapon carries a maximum twenty-year-sentence at Holman... If you've watched the news you know you don't want to end up in Holman."

"How can they say he had a deadly weapon? He was unarmed." Caleb reasons.

He opens his file and begins reading and I feel sicker with each word. "'Hard-Hitting-Hayden Nichols mows down another offensive line. Hayden-the-hardest-hitting-DB-in Gator history Nichols signs with D1 UCF. Two-time-state-champion DB Hayden Nichols takes down another offensive line twice his size'. Again, do you see where I'm going with this?"

"Our whole damn life, everything comes back to football." Caleb says disgustedly.

"They're going to argue that Hayden is a deadly weapon?" Avery says incredulously.

"The tradition of Gator football combined with his history in foster care and the pattern of violence that is well documented in his file... yes. They're going to argue that Hayden's a deadly weapon."

I sigh because this is the first thing anyone has said that actually makes sense to me. Right now, I feel like a deadly weapon; someone who kills everything that matters to me and hurts all the people around me.

"Okay, well speaking of the tradition of Gator football... I mean, doesn't that mean anything anymore? Hayden's a local hero." Caleb counters.

"This isn't local." I interrupt, unable to meet anyone's eyes.

"Hayden's right. If this had happened in Grassland, Hayden would have been home that night with a slap on the wrist; probably more like a pat on the back for defending Dale Asher's daughter. But this happened in Brewster's Mills... which is technically Mobile County."

"And a jury from Mobile County will have more than one person who's still pissed about getting his ass kicked by the Gators." I add and I see the look on Caleb's face and I know exactly what he's thinking.

"This offer has a forty-eight-hour expiration date..."

"I don't need forty-eight hours. Take the deal." I say hollowly.

"What? No!" Avery screams. "We're going to fight this! I'm calling Jesse Carpenter and..."

"No! I don't want Mr. Carpenter involved." I say strongly, finally finding the strength to meet Avery and Caleb's eyes and argue my point. "I don't want anyone else involved. I don't want a trial where every detail from my past is going to be spread out for the world. I don't want Aimee to have to testify. I don't want you to have to spend any more money you don't have on lawyers. I don't want Coop to have to see me go through this. Draw up the deal and I'll sign. I just want to get this over with."

Aimee

"He blames me for all of this? How could he not?" Georgia cries against my shoulder. "I believed the worst about him and as a result, he was leaving home; the only place he ever wanted to be to be with me! If he hadn't been coming after me, he wouldn't have been in that bar and he wouldn't be on his way to prison right now! This is all my fault. That's why he's refusing to see me. He blames me for everything and he should."

"Georgia you know that's not true. He's saying whatever he can to keep you away because he doesn't want you hurt by all of this." Aimee says, sitting by Georgia on the couch at Avery's. I want to tell her that if anyone is to blame for this it's me. I'm the one who was working in that place and I'm the one who asked him to stay so that I could talk to him about a situation that ultimately has nothing to do with him. I will never stop blaming myself for this, and if I did, Caleb would be only too happy to remind me. I haven't seen him face to face, but I've spoken with him briefly on the phone... and besides; I just know him and I know without a doubt that he holds me responsible not only for breaking his heart, but for ruining his best friends' lives.

"But he's alone. He's always been with me through everything and now I'm not there for him. We promised forever. We said no matter what we were forever; and now he's alone at the worst time in his life." She says, sniffling into her tissue.

"He's not alone. He has Avery and Caleb, and Avery got a good lawyer. Avery says that he'll probably be out in fourteen months." I assure her, but even as I say the words I know they're falling on deaf ears.

"Fourteen months ... in prison. Anything can happen in fourteen months."

"He's strong, Georgia. He'll be okay."

"He's too strong. He's too strong to be in a cage again. That's how he was raised. I don't think he'll survive it again. What if this breaks him?" She asks with tears streaming down her face.

I put my arm around her and I ache because I've always been jealous of Georgia and Hayden's unshakeable bond, but I never wanted to see it proven like this. "Then you'll put him back together."

Avery

"Are you avoiding me?" Claire asks, sliding into a chair next to me in our favorite waiting room.

I don't look at her. I'm better at hiding my feelings than Hayden is, but right now I'm exhausted and worried and a little heartbroken. Everything is pretty close to the surface and I know she'd see all of that; all of that and how much her rejection hurt me as well.

"I'm not avoiding you. When I called the other night to talk about Hayden, you made your feelings pretty clear. I'm a big boy. I can take a hint."

"Those weren't feelings. They were emotions. I was hurting because of something unrelated to you and I took it out on you. But I care about Hayden and I want to know what's happening with him." She asks, taking my arm and trying to get me to look at her.

I'm sure she's already heard about the plea bargain. I left Max and Aimee at home with an inconsolable Georgia, but I'm sure that Max has already told Carson. "What's happening is that Hayden was born with the deck stacked against him and nothing I've ever done has made a damn bit of difference for him."

She shakes her head and reaches for my face, forcing me to look at her at last. "That's not true. Hayden is a good guy. The impact he's had on Carson is immeasurable. And he's that way, at least partially, because of you. What happened to him today is tragic, but how much more tragic would it have been without his older brother there to support him, and hire a lawyer and just be there for him? How much worse would this be if you weren't in his corner?"

"It's all just so unfair." I'm passed the point of caring how I look or sound at this point, and I'm so close to crying, but I know it doesn't even matter anymore.

"It is. Hayden is a good guy who's had a tough life. That's unfair. You didn't have any say in his life, but you feel guilty anyway. That's unfair too."

She reaches for my hands and I turn to look at her and she continues speaking. She too is close to tears. "When you called the other night, I had spent the day helping a sweet, naive sixteen-year-old girl get an illegal abortion. I don't believe in abortion. As a Christian, as a mother, as a nurse... it's wrong. But I just kept remembering how my parents made me feel when I got pregnant with Carson. They would have aborted him without a second thought if I hadn't hidden it till I was too far along. Carson was one of the best decisions I ever made. I've never regretted him not once. But I'll be damned if I would have let my parents decide that for me. So I forged a signature and held her hand and helped her do something I believe she will regret for the rest of her life. That's unfair. My baby boy going through life thinking he has to take care of me because two bigots and a couple of worthless men wanted nothing to do with him is unfair. You sitting here holding onto all this guilt when you did the best you could, is unfair."

I look at her, and I can tell that what she's gone through this week has hurt her more than she's letting on. I realize that the world keeps turning no matter what we're going through.

"You should have told me." I say softly.

"I know. That was unfair too. There's not a lot we can do about the unfair things in life, but here's what we can do. We can get married. And we can love all these kids God has given us, Hayden and Carson and my girls and Max and Georgia and whoever else comes along. And we can love each other and we can give them more than we were given and hopefully someday they'll give their kids more than they were given. That's how we make a difference. That's how we make it fair."

I look at her, and in the midst of everything that's wrong in my world, I know that this woman is my future and for the first time in several days I feel a tiny glimmer of something resembling hope. "Did you just ask me to marry you?"

She smiles and shakes her head. "I didn't but someday soon, when you're a little less sad... and I know you're not going to stop being sad till we get Hayden home, but when you're less sad... then you'll ask me, and when you do, I'll say yes. I should probably mention that I love you."

I take her hand and lean toward her. "I love you too."

Caleb

"Okay, Max can stay with you for as long as he needs to, right?" Hayden says to Avery as the three of us sit waiting for him to go before the judge and have his sentence handed down. He's asked Avery this more than once since we've been here, but I know he's trying to fill the silence. Avery nods and I can see that like me, he's unable to speak.

"And if Claire agrees to marry you, don't wait for me. Just send me a picture." He says bravely and Avery tries to laugh, but it's closer to a sob. He looks directly at Avery and for the first time I realize that despite everything, these two have become brothers after all. "I'll be fine Avery. It's just like a bad foster home. They never lasted too long and then I went somewhere else."

"This time it won't be somewhere else. This time, it'll be home." Avery assures him.

Hayden offers a half smile and then he looks at me and says, "Coop?"

"We're doing the best we can with her but... she's not backing down. She's a mess. We can stop her from seeing you, but we can stop her from wanting to." I tell him.

He nods and I see the tiniest crack in the tough exterior that he's worn since the moment he accepted the plea bargain. He slides an envelope across the table to me and says, "Give her this will you?"

His lawyer knocks and comes in. "Hayden, the judge is ready for us."

He turns to me and there's no time for sappy goodbyes and I'm thankful because right now I couldn't stand it. I know he thinks I'm disappointed in him, and I am a little. He's made so many good changes in his life; had so many opportunities to end us like this. The odd thing is... he's disappointed in me too and I guess I deserve it. No matter what, he's my best friend and I of all people should believe in him at this moment instead of being disappointed.

He starts for the door and then he turns back to me and says, "Talk to Aimee. Before you go back to school, you need to talk to her. I know you don't want to , but just trust me, okay?"

I nod, but even as I do I know that's one more thing he can be disappointed about because I'm not going to see Aimee. I don't know why it matters to him, but I know that no good can come from me seeing her right now.

We go into court and everything goes as planned. I've watched a lot of crime dramas and I know the judge can refuse a plea bargain, but he accepts this one without question. I'll never quite shake the image of seeing them take my best friend out in handcuffs. But it happens and Avery and I are left standing there... alone.

I leave the courthouse and drive into town. I don't go back to Avery's because I know Aimee's been there a lot lately. Instead I text Georgia and ask her to meet me at the football field. I don't know why; maybe because it's the one place in my life where I ever felt like I really knew what I was doing, but for whatever reason I just feel like it's the place to be.

"How was he?" She asks tearfully.

"He was good; strong and calm. He'll be okay Georgia."

She sobs and says, "Was it awful seeing him there?"

I shake my head. "I'm not doing this Georgia. He didn't want you there for a reason; and it's not because he's mad at you. It's because he loves you too much to let you be a part of this. So I'm not going to tear all that down by telling you every detail."

She looks at me like she's going to argue, but then she stops and nods silently.

"Look, I've gotta go. I need to be home by tonight, but he asked me to give this to you. Take care Georgia, and if you need anything..." My voice trails off before I can tell her to call me if she needs me. I can't tell her I'll be there because I know that this time I really am leaving Grassland behind and I won't be there for Georgia or anyone else anymore. I just can't do it.

She nods again and I get the feeling that she gets what I'm trying to say even if I don't say. I turn away from her because I don't want to see the same disappointment in her eyes that I saw in Hayden's; that I hear in Aimee's voice every time I talk to her. I walk away I don't look back, but I know she's reading whatever Hayden sent her, and I hope against hope that it helps. I wish I could read something now that would make this nightmare easier, but I don't believe such a letter exists.

Coop,

I know you know that I've been doing everything I can to make you go away because I don't want you involved in this but I know the more I push you the more you'll push back. It's one of the things I love about you. But here's the thing... if you love me, you have to let me do this alone. I've already found out that I can stipulate who is and isn't allowed to visit me and I'm putting you on the list that can't. I'm just not strong enough to get through this if I think I can lean on you. The only way I'll make it is to be tough and cold inside and I can't do that if I'm loving you and missing you every minute. We keep saying fourteen months. I hope it's fourteen months, but it might be three years. We don't know but we do know that anything can happen in that amount of time. All I can do is get through this with no expectations. So I'm letting you go and you can't fight me on this. But before I let you go, I want you to promise me you'll stay at Tulane and you'll go to Germany and you won't miss a single opportunity because of me. Someday I hope I'll see you again and when I do, I hope you'll remember why you once loved me so much.

Until then... Hayden

Hayden Nichols

April 2009

I've seen this played out in dozens of movies; the gates open and you walk out wearing the same clothes you walked in wearing, and you lift your face to the sun and feel the feeling of freedom.

I walk out wearing the same clothes I walked in wearing, and I lift my face to sun, but I don't feel free. I just feel scared.

I look across the parking lot and there, in a familiar blue mini-van is the closest thing to a father that I've ever had. He smiles reassuringly and steps toward me like he's thinking about hugging me, but I extend a hand and he follows suit.

"Thank you for coming to get me sir."

"Absolutely." He says, turning to open the door for me. "You know Avery wanted to come, but since you're staying with us, your lawyer said I needed to get you...it looks good for your parole."

I nod, not sure what to say after all this time. I know that five years ago when he and Avery went to court I was supposed to say I wanted to stay with the Carpenters. Or Avery would say I was supposed to say I wanted to go with my brother. But instead, I said that I was just a seventeen-year-old kid and how the hell was I supposed to know where I should go? Wasn't that what they paid lawyers and social workers and judges to know?

I clear my throat and say, "I appreciate that you and Avery are looking out for me. I know you've never particularly liked each other."

"That's not true. We both thought we knew what was best for you... both wanted to be what was best for you." He explains as he cranks the van and starts driving.

"Let me guess. This..." I say, gesturing to the barbed wire fences and myself... fresh out on parole. "Proves that I should have been with you."

"Well you could argue that I had more years with you than he did so maybe it proves just the opposite."

"And maybe it's just me and it would have turned out the same regardless."

He's quiet for a moment, as if he's considering his words before he finally says, "And maybe you were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

I shake my head and remember something from my childhood. "No. You were the one... the only one who ever told me that it's never the one who starts the fight that gets punished. It's always the one who finishes it who winds up in trouble. I was never the one who started it, but I always ended it."

He laughs ruefully. "Kids are all the same. They always scream, 'He started it, he started it' But it's always the one still standing when it's over that gets in trouble. I know it's hard for you to believe, but I know that from personal experience too. I might have been a privileged kid from a family with money, but I was still a brawler at heart. That's how I ended up in real estate." He looks at me across the seat and adds, "You never did that, by the way. You never screamed about someone else starting it. You just took your punishment and kept your mouth shut."

I shrug and say, "It never did any good. I always got in trouble anyway. I sure got in trouble for this one. I mean, not that I didn't deserve it."

"Hayden, it could have happened to anyone." He states with conviction.

"It didn't happen to me. I happened to someone else. I'm what happened to end someone's life." I say and after nearly fifteen months of living with this, it still hurts to my core to think that I did that... no matter what kind of person he was.

"You were threatened. Someone you cared about was threatened. It could have happened to anyone." He maintained.

I shake my head in protest again and say, "I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it. But I was... Georgia and I had been fighting and I was going to get her back but I was afraid of what was gonna happen, and I was worried about Aimee and mad at Caleb... and I got pushed and I came out swinging... just like always."

He's silent for a long while as we turn out onto Hwy 21 but he finally says, "You were scared."

Now it's my turn to attempt a laugh. "Stop defending me. I'm used to you riding me about everything. I'm not comfortable with it."

I could ground you if it'd make you feel better." He notes with a teasing lilt.

"Nah. The only thing you ever grounded me from that I cared about was Coop and we're broke up now anyway."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

I give him a disbelieving look and he amends his statement. "I'm sorry for anything that hurts you, Hayden. Is it permanent?"

I shrug. "I don't want to think so, but I've put her through a lot. If she's smart, and I know she's smart, she'll run for the hills. But lucky for me, she's not particularly smart when it comes to us."

"You know what's ironic? Now Belle is dating Max Cooper."

"Is that official?" I ask, both pleased and concerned about this turn of events.

He shrugs. "She's on the phone with him all the time and I just spent an ungodly sum of money on a dress for his senior prom so I'm guessing it is."

We settle into a not-too-awkward silence as we hit the interstate and I watch the familiar scenery on I65, and I think back over the last fourteen months.

October 2008

"Carson has met with recruiters from TCU and Northwestern and Rice. He's been invited to Houston for a tour of the campus." Avery says, trying to find something to get me excited. I know it's a struggle to know what to talk about. I see him for a few hours a couple of times a month, and we don't want to spend that whole time talking about life in prison and when I get to go before the parole board. On the other hand, it's hard to maintain a high level of interest in things at home when my life feels so far removed from it all. But I know it's hard on Avery and I know he's doing everything he can to help me through this.

"How long's it been since Rice had a winning season?" I ask.

"Well Carson isn't a superstar like Caleb was. He's not looking to go to the pros. But Rice is a top notch education and Carson is a good student. They pride themselves on football players who excel at academics."

"Sounds like a good fit for little QB. How about Max? Is he still going to the marines?"

"That's still the plan. Although I'm thinking Belle Carpenter might throw a wrench in that." He says with a hint of amusement.

"I was surprised to hear about that. She wrote me a few weeks ago and said they'd been out a few times."

"Well a few times seems be turning into a lot of times. He's over the moon about her, you can tell. So does she write often?"

"A couple of times a month; Max too. He keeps me updated on Georgia." I explain.

"Doesn't Georgia write you?" Avery asks, clearly confused.

"Sure, sometimes." I answer before continuing with a note of humor. "But no one writes with the precise regulation of the Jennings-Thomas clan. Does Claire have a calendar?"

Avery smiles. "I think she does. It's perfect. It keeps her busy since she's cut back to just a normal forty-hour work week."

"Yeah, I know Caitlyn and Celia have only met me a couple of times, but I have displayed and impressive assortment of the pictures that they draw up over my bed." I tell him.

"They'll be happy to hear that. I talk about you all the time. They'll love you when they get to be around you for real." He says and I can tell he's proud of his new family... as he should be.

"So it's been over six months. How are they adjusting to you in the picture full time?"

"It's good. Max helps. Caity and Celia are in love with him so the fact that he came with me raises my stock."

"And he and Carson are best friends so..."

"Avery shrugs. "I don't know. Since Belle came on the scene there's a little strain there."

I think about Caleb and me and I'm not sure we can blame all of our problems on a girl, but it sure doesn't help. "Make them work it out." I insist. "They'll regret it if they don't."

Avery nods and I know he knows what I'm not saying when he asks, "So is it true Aimee Asher isn't coming home?"

I nod. "Yeah, I uh, got a card from her a few weeks ago. She's staying in Charleston indefinitely with her sister. But she's going back to school so at least she's trying to get her life together. I guess one good thing is coming from this."

We're quiet for a minute and then he asks, "You still taking those business classes?"

"Yeah." I answer quietly. "I'm doing well... of course I guess first in a class of convicted felons might not be much to brag about."

"Don't go there. You're working hard and keeping your nose clean. That's all that matters." He says seriously.

I hear the warning buzzer. "I guess time's almost up." I say, standing to go.

"I'll see you in a couple of weeks." He promises.

"You know... you've got a bunch of kids to take care of and a wife and a new one on the way. I know you have to miss work to come see me. I'd understand if you didn't come every two weeks."

"I know you would." He says, shaking my hand across the table. "I'll see you in two weeks."

December 2008

"To what do I owe the visit, Cal?" I ask, with more edge to my voice than I intended.

"Belated Birthday, early Christmas." He answers looking around with a mixture of barely masked disgust and fear.

"Yes, you should have seen the Birthday Shindig cell block 23 threw. It's the Merle Haggard package." I tell him sarcastically, but he shakes his head in confusion and I know it's lost on him. "Merle Haggard; Mama Tried; I turned twenty-one in prison..." I explain and finally he seems to catch on and laughs nervously. "I know you're going to be a big fancy doctor, but you live in Nashville. Have a little respect for the classics."

"I'm sorry. I guess I just don't know how you can joke about this." He finally says clearly uncomfortable.

"You'd obviously rather be walking on broken glass right now. I'm just trying to lighten the mood." I explain with a shrug wishing I too was anywhere else on earth. The thing no one tells you about doing time is that the only way to survive is to settle into a routine and accept that, like it or not, this is where you belong. I've done that, but here under Caleb's critical eye it's hard not to remember who I was and feel like I need to be that guy for him.

"I'm just worried about you." He answers and I believe him. I want to believe him.

I nod and he continues. "So do you get many visitors?"

"Avery comes every two weeks without fail. And Mr. Carpenter comes once a month. You're the only other approved visitor on my list. Everyone else has to petition to get on the next visiting day's list. Mr. Gregory has been once... told me a job was waiting when I got out so that's good news."

"Once a Gator superstar..." He says sarcastically.

I ignore his implication that I'm still riding on my football success and say, "And I hear from Max and Belle a lot. Dale Asher writes about once a month and Mrs. Carpenter sends cards and stuff, and Avery's wife Claire has all of her kids on a schedule so I get something from one of them every mail call."

"Georgia?" He asks.

"Yeah, sure." I respond. "And Aimee has written a few times. Didn't you ever talk to her?"

"No."

"No? Not going to elaborate on that?" I ask irritably.

He shakes his hand and spreads his hands in resignation. "I just don't see the point. She's called me once and tried, and I've made it pretty clear that I'm not interested in anything involving her again. Georgia tells me that I'm not being fair to Aimee. That she was hurt by my accident and that her reaction wasn't all her fault... which I find rich, but even if that's the case, why go back into that again? We hurt each other, but we're over it. Why would I knowingly put myself back in that? I mean, look at Georgia." He says and then stops, but it's out there.

"Look at Georgia? What does that mean?" I ask, though I have a pretty good idea.

He sighs and says, "Georgia was over you. She'd moved on. She was happy in school, dating someone. Do you really think that if she'd known where you were going to end up she'd have let herself fall in love with you again?"

I've never considered myself an angry person, but when you're in prison for manslaughter it's assumed that you have anger issues so I've been in a group that's supposed to help me deal with my anger. It takes every trick they've taught me not to go over the table in the middle of the prison visitor's room. Instead I take several measured breaths before saying, "Well that's a question only Georgia can answer for you. But speaking for myself, loving Georgia has never been something I 'let myself do'. It's just the way it is."

"Hayden I didn't mean it like that. I know you and Georgia..." Caleb says guiltily but then his voice trails off and I know he's upset.

"You know I think you should go. "I say standing to go. "You don't want to be here and I'm not helping anyone by getting upset. It's hard enough being around people who don't like you when they're strangers. I really don't want to be with friends who don't like me."

"Hayden don't do this. I... who knows when I'll be able to get back here? I don't want to leave things like this." He says, and I know he means it. But I also know that things are changing and I don't know if we're going to be able to keep ignoring that. Sometime soon he's going to be a successful doctor and no matter what I become, I'll always be a convicted felon whose most notable accomplishment was playing football for back-to-back state championship teams in high school.

"Fine." I say turning back to him and sitting down. "What do you want to talk about?"

He's quiet for a long time, but finally says, "What does it matter? Why do you care about me calling Aimee?"

I wasn't expecting that question, but I find I'm glad he asked it and I hear myself answering it with barely veiled outrage. "It matters because it's the last thing I asked you to do; the last words I said to you, my best friend, before I went into prison. You don't see the significance of that? You don't see why I might come away feeling like you don't really respect my opinion or advice even though I've always been expected to follow blindly after you whether it was the play you were calling or, you know, getting into the passenger seat of my own truck with a drunk driver."

"You're being unreasonable." Caleb says angrily.

"You're right." I say seriously. "You know what else you're right about? Aimee. You shouldn't get involved with her again. Because I know all too well what it's like to be with someone who never really wanted you in the first place. And I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"What are you talking about? Georgia would die for you." He asks incredulously.

I stand to go, but first I answer him. "I'm not talking about Georgia and me. Aimee's better off on her own."
February 2009

It's been a long day and the mail hasn't come yet. That's not uncommon. Most Tuesdays through Fridays before dinner we all head to the common room and wait in rows for our name to be called, one at a time, to get mail. I'm one of the lucky ones who hardly ever goes a day without hearing from someone. But on days when there was a high volume of mail, or maybe even for some other reason, we come back for bed check and find our mail waiting on us.

I actually prefer it this way. In front of everyone you have to just take it and look indifferent, but when I'm alone I can smile when I recognize the handwriting and rip quickly into it – even though it's already been opened and read by someone whose job is to make sure no one is plotting an escape. I look at my bulletin board, which can only display six things at a time. I have a calendar – Claire sends a new one pager every month with all the important dates from home filled in so I can keep up with everyone. I change out the pictures that Celia and Caity draw for me weekly. I have a newspaper clipping about Carson and Max in the playoffs. I have a picture of me and Coop when we were in high school. And I have one of her taken last summer in Amsterdam in front of the Heineken Experience. She's smiling brightly, with wind blowing her brown curly hair around her face. Max sent it to me and whenever I feel like I can't go on without seeing her I look at it... I look at how happy and successful she is and it gives me the strength to leave her alone with her success.

I come back from dinner on a Wednesday night and even before I cross the three feet to my bunk I see more than one letter. On top is a letter from Belle recounting all the details of her seventeenth Birthday. Every letter from Belle talks about Max, so obviously they really are an item now. Underneath that is a letter from Dale Asher. He writes me about once a month, just day to day events from home. I guess Caleb's right about always being a Gator star.

But on the bottom is the letter I've been waiting for. It's only been two days since I received my last letter with the familiar New Orleans postmark and the more familiar precise handwriting, but it still seems like too long. I know I can't complain since I do good to send a couple of letters a week to her, but getting a letter from Coop is like sacking a quarterback or pulling in a huge red snapper. I look at it, study her handwriting, and imagine I can smell her hair when it's next to me. Then I lay it aside and read slowly through the letter from Belle and Mr. Asher, savoring all the details and knowing I'll reread them both before going to sleep. And then I look at Coop's letter again and I think about where she is and what she's doing right now. I picture her at her desk in her dorm room at Butler Hall or perhaps in an apartment, now that she's allowed to live off campus. I wonder if she's working or maybe studying at the library. Or sitting in a night class listening to a lecture. I tell myself I hope she's not thinking about me; not missing me, but I know it's a lie. I want her to be thinking about me and since I get between two and five letters a week I know she must think of me often. I've never been much for prayer, even though between the Carpenters and the Sanders I've spent plenty of time in church, but when I hold one of Coop's letters I always say a quick prayer for her; a prayer she's happy and safe, a prayer she misses me a little but not enough that she's missing out on this important time in her life. I say a prayer that someday she'll be a real part of my life again, though lying here in a cell it's hard to imagine that ever being a reality.

I close my eyes for a few minutes with the letter still in my hand and I think about the last time we were together... The last night we slept in the 'barely-big-enough-for-one' cabin of Avery's boat; the last time I went to sleep with her in my arms and woke up to the feel of her breath on my neck. I hold onto that image for as long as I can, but then I force myself to remember the fight we had; remember how much she hurt me when she believed the worst about me; how much it hurt that she wouldn't reach out to me, even after Max told me she knew she was wrong. And with that thought firmly in my mind, I open the box I'm allowed to keep under my bunk and I put the letter inside with nearly three-hundred more letters from Coop; letters I've never read; letters that give me the strength to keep going, but have the potential to make me unable to survive this place. I place this letter on top of all the others and I say one more quick prayer... that one day I'll have the courage to look inside those envelopes and read the words that Coop wrote just for me.

Jesse

April 2009

I glance across at Hayden but I can't tell if he's asleep or just avoiding talking to me. For nine years I've never been sure of things with him; never exactly felt like I knew where I stood. But I know that's because he's never known where he stood in life.

When Belle was born after twelve years of trying, Dana was ready to stop; ready to follow the doctor's orders and just be happy with our family the way it was. And I was happy with Belle. I knew I should have been happy with what I had. But I'd grown up in a world where having a son, having someone to carry on your legacy wasn't just something you wanted; it was something that was expected of you.

So we began the rigorous adoption process. It should have been easy for someone with the money and family influence that we had, but life has proven to me time and again that it will never go exactly the way you expect it to. We started fostering children when Belle was three, and time and again we had them come and go through our doors. Dana got attached to each and every one, while Belle remained cautiously indifferent. As for me, they were all good kids, anyone would have been a fine addition to our family. But for one reason or another they all ended up leaving sooner or later. We were close to throwing in the towel when they asked us to take a "difficult"-twelve-year-old. I would have probably refused had it not been mentioned that he was a star player on the 7th and 8th grade Gator football team and if he wasn't placed with a local family he'd end up in a group home three counties away and have to leave his team, which by all accounts was almost all he cared about.

To say that I immediately distrusted the long-haired, scrapper who refused to talk – even when asked a direct question – is an understatement. This sullen, adolescent with hair as long as my daughter's and a wicked shiner was supposed to be my son; my legacy? It would have been laughable if it hadn't made me so sad; so angry at a God I'd put so much faith in who couldn't deliver any better for me than this. But as anyone will say, if I believed in anything other than God, it was Gator football and it only took a couple of trips to watch this hooligan at practice before I realized that he had twice as much heart and sheer determination as he had size or skill. So I stuck with him, but to say it got better from there would be completely inaccurate.

The time I took him to the barber and attempted to bodily hold him in a chair while they cut his hair will forever be one of the darkest moments in my life. When the barber finally told me under no circumstances was he touching this boy under these conditions, Hayden stormed out on foot and I fully expected DHR to be at my door within twenty-four hours and I figured it was for the best. But DHR never came, and a silent Hayden was at breakfast at precisely 6:20 the next morning because he'd already learned that at 6:21 you went to school hungry.

I was hard on Hayden. I'm hard on Belle. It's how I was raised and what I believe. But despite this latest wrong turn I know Hayden has the potential to be a good man. When we lost him to Avery I thought it would be the end of all the hard work and effort I'd poured into him, but he continues to surprise me. I'm hopeful that this latest turn of events will be another chance for him to prove me wrong.

"Mr. Carpenter?" He asks from the passenger seat, which tells me he probably hasn't been asleep all this time.

"Hayden, I've been in your life since you were twelve years old. You're a grown man now. Don't you think it's time you find something a little less formal to call me than Mr. Carpenter?"

He shrugs. "That's just who you are to me."

I nod. "Well, you made it clear very early that I wasn't your father, but I have a name... Jesse. Even your brother has started to call me by my name. You're going to be living with us. I think that Dana and Jesse wouldn't be too inappropriate."

"Yes sir. I'll try." He says, and I know after nine years with him that I'll never hear him call my wife and me anything other than Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter.

"About me living with you?" He continues and I wonder where this is going. "It's my understanding that the purpose of me living with you was to show the parole board that I had a place to go and wouldn't have to be in a half-way house or something. But not that you're my keeper or that I'm required to stay there for any specified amount of time."

"Of course." I answer, a little concerned by this turn of the conversation, but after as many years as he's been in our family I guess Hayden can read my mind a little bit because he quickly puts my fears to rest.

"Look, I know how you run your house; under your roof, under your rules. I'm not some sixteen-year-old looking to break curfew or sneak Georgia in my window at night or beer in my football bag."

"Well, while I'll never condone premarital sex or drinking under my roof, I think you're a little too old for a curfew." I respond.

"Either way, I just want you to know that I don't foresee there being any such issues as that at this stage in the game." He explains, and I can't help being struck by how much more confident he sounds than he ever has. He continues with just as much certainty and says, "But I do want to make it clear that this is a very temporary situation. I have some money in savings that Avery has kept for me, and I start work with Mr. Gregory tomorrow. The minute I can afford a place of my own, I want to be on my own."

"Absolutely."

"And I want to make something else clear. I chose you to live with. But that doesn't mean I'm choosing you over Avery. He's still my family."

He doesn't say it angrily or to be hurtful. He's just being honest. Hayden was always honest whether it was about where he'd been or what he'd been doing or about his desire to not be a part of our family. After all this time, it shouldn't hurt me, but it still does... a little. But I nod and smile reassuringly just the same.

"And my truck?" He asks.

"It's waiting for you at Avery's. I figured you'd want to go by there and get it... don't worry. There's no surprise parties or anything waiting for you; just your brother and your truck. I'll drop you off there and you can come home... whenever you want."

"Home..." He says softly, and I wonder, not for the first time, if home is something Hayden will ever really find.

Hayden

"Hayden, this is Andrew Nichols Thomas." Avery says handing me a ball of blue fleece. I'm not sure I've ever held a baby before but it comes pretty easily to me and I smile... perhaps for the first time today; the first time in fourteen months.

"Hi Andy. I'm your Uncle Hayden. It's nice to finally meet you." I say truthfully.

"He must recognize you as part of his family. He doesn't like very many people." Claire says from the doorway of the kitchen. Since getting married last spring they've bought a house in town with three bedrooms and a full basement for Max and Carson.

"We have that in common, don't we buddy?" I ask, unable to take my eyes off this little seven-week-old face looking back at me. She's right. He looks like he knows me.

"Come on and sit down. I swapped with someone and I'm working the night shift so we can hang out for a while." Avery says, dragging me toward the den.

"And I'm about to take him to daycare and go to work so you guys can chill here in peace." Claire explains.

I reluctantly hand him over to her. "Thanks for all the letters... from all of you. They meant a lot." I say truthfully.

"Thanks for teaching Carson to elude a tackle and get rid of the ball. It meant a lot too." She says with an easy smile and I'm happy that my brother has found someone like her.

Claire takes the baby and leaves and it's just me and Avery and suddenly I feel awkward. Once upon a time when left to our own devices in the middle of the day we'd have vegged out on the couch and in the recliner watching stupid movies and eating junk food. But this isn't our apartment. It's his family's house. And I've spent the last fourteen months being told when and where to sit, stand, talk and be quiet. I'm not sure I know how to "chill" anymore.

"So how did it go on the ride here with Jesse? I really wanted to pick you up, but your lawyer said it needed to be him."

"It was fine. We didn't talk much. He told me I'm a grown man and as long as I respect him and Mrs. Carpenter I can come and go as I please. We'll see how long that last." I say with a shrug.

"We've got plenty of room. We can throw the air mattress in the basement with the boys. They don't like each other half the time anyway so we can put one of them on the couch." He states, not for the first time. I know he wanted me to come here and part of me wanted it to... but he's got a life now and I don't want to mess that up for him; especially when I feel like my life is one big unanswered question at the moment.

"Nah, this will be fine. I think it's important to my parole that I have stability and an air mattress probably isn't stable. Don't worry about me. I'll get my own place soon enough."

"Are you hungry? Claire went to the grocery store last night and I gave her a list of all your favorites." He says eagerly.

"Sure... but I'll get it. I haven't made my own plate in a while. It'll be good." I tell him, heading toward the kitchen.

"She has a strict no alcohol on the premises, but other than that we've got everything." He yells.

I return minutes later with two thick ham and cheese sandwiches and a bag of cheese puffs. God I'd forgotten how much I like to eat. "I haven't had any alcohol in fourteen months and I haven't missed it so I guess it wasn't really a problem after all." I explain, sitting down across from him. "But that doesn't mean I'm not ready for a beer."

"We'll get one soon." He says with a laugh. "So are you starting back to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm actually going to drive by there in a little while and find out where we'll be tomorrow and what time to be there. I'm hoping it's early. I think I've become a morning a person."

"Don't tell me you're growing up, little brother." Avery says affectionately and I laugh in spite of myself, but on the inside I feel older than I ever thought I could.

I stay at Avery's until time for him to get ready for work and then I head to the nursery where I find Mr. Gregory talking up a little blue-haired lady about the latest flats of Rudbeckia he's selling, but he stops when he sees me and smiles widely.

"It's about time you get here boy. We're busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest." He says stepping forward and hugging me with a natural ease no one has had.

"I'll start to work right now if you want me to." I say truthfully.

He puts a meaty arm around me, one of the few people who still manages to make me feel small, and turns toward the woman. "Mrs. Castle, have you met Hayden Nichols, one of the best Gator linebackers we've ever seen in these parts and one of the best employees I've ever hired. He has a strong back and a green thumb... everything he needs to be successful here."

"And isn't he handsome?" She says, patting my arm and I smile in spite of myself.

He nudges me and whispers, "And in a business where about 70% of the clientele is female, that certainly won't hurt you either."

He excuses us from Mrs. Castle turning her over to another salesman and takes me to his office to give me a schedule.

"I've got you on the landscaping crew this week. We're still snowed under with jobs. But I really want to get you in here soon. You were always a natural and with the agricultural classes you took I'm excited to see what you can do." He says, handing me a list of assignments.

"Mr. Gregory this means more than you know, but I just hope that everyone is as receptive to my being here as you are. But if they're not..."

"That's their problem." He says forcefully before directing me to sit in the chair across from him. "When I was in the air force I was stationed in Singapore at Paya Lebar air base and one night I wound up in a street fight. It's been thirty years, but I'm still not sure who started it. All I know is that he ended up dead, and my CO dragged me out and covered the whole thing up. I got six months' barracks restriction, but under different circumstances I could have ended up in the same place you did. I've never let myself forget that for a minute."

I'm silent for a moment before I ask, "How do you live with it?"

Now it's his turn to be silent, but finally he says, "Every day... you remember what you're capable of, and then you make a conscious effort not to be that man today."

My homecoming at the Carpenter's is just as I expected. Dana Carpenter never warmed-up to me and I think she's always resented the amount of time and energy her husband pours into me, but she hugs me stiffly and asks me if I remember where everything is. I know Belle is genuinely happy to see me, but the last time I saw her she was telling me she was pregnant with Max's baby. That, combined with the simple fact that no one knows how to act around me, makes for a very awkward and strained reunion.

I struggle to sit all the way through dinner. For fourteen months I've eaten dinner in as much solitude as I could muster, doing my best to make neither friends nor enemies. But there's something about this silence that is oppressive. As soon as we're done Belle excuses herself and I quickly follow, heading to my truck but deciding instead to go for a walk.

As much as I didn't like the rules and regulations that went with living here, the house itself is great and the property surrounding it is amazing. It backs up to Bayou Coden where trees covered with Spanish moss hang low over the water. It's one of my favorite places to just sit.

I plop down on a tree root, settle in and for the first time today I feel like I'm not on display. I lean my head back against a trunk and close my eyes and think... mostly about Coop and what she's doing; I wonder if she knows I'm out. I figured someone would have told her, but maybe not. Maybe everyone is operating under the opinion that she'd be better off without me and have made a point not to tell her and I guess they're probably right. Maybe she knows and just doesn't care.

I hear the grass behind me rustle and I turn back to see who is joining me.

"I don't have a white flag, but I'm hoping this will show that I come in peace." Caleb says, holding up a six pack.

"You're going to get me kicked out of Carpenter Correctional Facility my first night in." I say, accepting the long-necked bottle and the peace offering.

"So how does it feel to be out?" He asks, joining me on the ground.

"Weird. Like everyone is looking at me weird and no one knows what to say. So what's it like to actually go into a store and buy these without having to find someone with I.D. who will do it for you?" I ask, studying the beer that tastes better than I remember.

He laughs and ignores me. "So no big welcome home parties?"

"Thank God, no. Dinner with the Carpenters was awkward enough. I saw Avery and met the baby earlier. That was okay, but you know... I've missed more than a year of his life. He's married with a baby and three step-kids and Max and a house. I don't fit in anymore."

I shake my head. "I just want to go to work tomorrow and try not to think about anything. So what about you? I figured you'd be busy with the end of the semester."

"I was off work. I went to a couple of morning classes, but I couldn't focus so I told my professors I had a family emergency and I'd be back by tomorrow afternoon." He laughs. "I mean, really how often does your best friend get out of the joint?"

"Hopefully only once." I say truthfully. "So let's talk about anything other than prison. Tell me about college or who you're hooking up with or..."

"About Georgia?" He asks.

"Yeah, I guess a part of me expected her to be waiting outside the gates today like Julia Roberts in Ocean's Eleven." I admit ruefully.

"She wanted to be." He answers, catches my skeptical look and adds, "No, really. She was coming, but I told her you needed time to acclimate. She was none too pleased with me when I hung up with her. And truthfully that's all I really know about her. She's still mad at me about... stuff. And being around her makes me miss you; makes her miss you. It's just been awkward since you've been gone."

I hate what he says, but I know it's true.

He talks about his classes and his job at the hospital. It's all foreign to me, but it's obvious he's passionate about it and seems to have no regrets about football. He mentions a girl casually, and I don't ask for more details. I know he told Coop once that he didn't want to get involved with anyone as long as he was still in medical school and I guess that's not a bad idea. I don't bring up Aimee. I figure I've lost that battle, and the last letter I got from her assured me she'd accepted it and moved on. She's happy with her life the way it is and devoted to getting her teaching degree and making a life for herself that doesn't include being taken care of by any man.

He finishes off a couple of bottles and I watch to make sure he's not drinking too much. As for me, I've nursed this one beer the whole time. No need to push Mr. Carpenter's limits, especially on my first night back.

Finally, Caleb asks me, "So I know you're tired of talking about it, but tell me about your parole. What are the terms? Who spoke to the review board?"

I tell him that I have to report to the US Probation Office in Mobile day after tomorrow and they will give me the name of my appointed parole office who will meet with me once a week for the first two months and then twice a month for a year and once a month there after for the rest of my sentence. I can't travel more than fifty miles outside of the county and I have to keep steady employment. They can drop by my house or job anytime to be sure I'm not violating any of the rules. I also have to stay in an anger management group.

"It's only a couple of more years." He says supportively.

"Yeah, it'll be fine." I say truthfully. "Avery and Mr. Carpenter were at the review board. They had letters of support from Mr. Gregory and Coach."

"I've got a two month break this summer. I know you can't leave, but maybe we can hang out on the boat or something. You know, the way we used to do."

"That'd be nice." I say truthfully, though I doubt it'll ever happen.

It's been more than three hours when we finally start making our way back to the house with three unopened beers between us. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?"

"Yes. And I'll put these in the trunk. I'm going on to see my parents and then head back in the morning."

"Thanks for coming man. It means a lot." I say and I hug him impulsively.

I go back into the house and am happy I don't meet anyone. I take a shower; a long shower in a private bathroom with no one monitoring how long I'm there. Then I turn in at just after ten, sleeping under the same blue plaid quilt I had as a kid and stunned that after fourteen months in prison I've come home to a bedroom with no TV. Instead I turn on the radio and just as I'm almost asleep, my phone vibrates.

Georgia

"Hayden, it's me." I say breathlessly, already fighting tears. The other end is silent for a long time and I start to worry that the number has changed or worse, that he really doesn't want to talk to me. "Hayden."

"Hi." He finally says. "I'm sorry. I just needed a minute to... be sure you're really you."

His voice sounds thick to me... but unbelievably wonderful.

"And you're really you." I say softly. "Are you okay? Where are you tonight? Tell me everything."

He laughs and it's the best sound I've heard in... fifteen months. "I'm fine. I'm in my old bed at the Carpenters, and I've not talked to you on purpose for fourteen months because I don't want to tell you everything. All you need to know is that I'm out and I'm okay."

"Okay, but on a scale of 1 to Shawshank Redemption, how bad was it really?" I ask.

"Well it wasn't Shawshank Redemption; I can promise you. I mean, you know it sucked that it was prison, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't a whole lot worse than playing football at UCF."

I know he's under-exaggerating to make me feel comfortable, but it's working. "That isn't funny."

"It's not a joke... curfews, bed checks, mandatory work-outs and classes, and no fried-foods. It really wasn't all that different." He assures me. "So where are you now?"

"Still in the geek dorm... it's just cheaper than getting an apartment." I explain before adding, "I really wanted to be there today. But Caleb..."

"I know. Caleb told me."

"On the phone?" I ask suspiciously.

"No. Here in person. He skipped classes to come and see me."

"That snake! He told me I couldn't come." I answer indignantly.

"It's for the best... things are weird. I mean, I'm okay, but things are weird... give me some time to readjust."

"So does that mean... you'll want to see me someday?" I ask, fighting tears again.

Again he's quiet for a long time before saying, "I'd crawl across broken glass just to smell your hair Coop. Yeah, I want to see you again. Just give me time."

Max

May 2009

"Prom night. Do you think you'll get lucky?" Carson asks, as I check my tie once again.

"I'm pretty confident that'll be a big no." I answer testily. Carson knows that Belle has kept me at arms lengths for more than a year, and he knows that while that certainly bothers me, it bothers me more because I feel like she doesn't trust me. But, for once, my friend and I are not at each other's throats, and we're going to prom with the two girls we're crazy about so I determine not to let anything bother me tonight. "What about you and Torie? It's been what, seven months; nine months? You think it's ever going to happen?"

"Maybe it already has and I just haven't told you yet. Torie is one of those dark and mysterious girls. You know what they say about still waters?"

I chuckle as the door at the top of the stairs opens and we hear Claire's voice. "Hurry up! I want to get pictures before Andy wakes up and starts getting fussy again."

We roll our eyes and head upstairs, but I secretly kind of like having a "mom" around. Georgia has always been great and I love her more than anything, but she's just a kid too. I know Carson likes having his mom around more too, although he still pretends to be skeptical of Avery.

We head upstairs in our tuxedoes and it's a little surreal to be here with Carson heading to our senior prom after all these years. I miss Georgia and I wish she was here, but I know she's working at the deli tonight and I also know she's trying to stay away from Hayden until he's had time to readjust to being out.

Claire takes a ton of pictures of us; some together and others separately and promises she'll send them all to Gigi once we're gone. She follows us out to the car with the camera still snapping; we're in hers because we can't very well ask our dates to climb into my pickup or Carson's two-seater in formal wear. As we leave we promise we'll text her pictures with our dates as well.

We head towards Torie's house first because the Carpenters would never let Belle get in a car with Carson and me and no other girl. I like Torie okay, but she's all wrong for Carson. She's vaguely Latino with a big voice and a bigger personality. She plays bass with a metal band, has short black hair with a deep-purple stripe through the bangs, a body that won't quit and she hates football. Carson has been obsessed with her since she started after Christmas break before the end of our eleventh grade year and they've been together since right after school started back in the fall. While I don't think she's right for him, I'm supportive because he's my best friend, and as long as he's with her he stays out of mine and Belle's business.

Carson goes to the door to get her while I get in the backseat and they emerge a few minutes later and she's wearing a black-body hugging dress that will likely make the Carpenters forbid Belle to get in the car with us.

We set off for Coden Bayou Rd and arrive to find half our class already there, taking advantage of the Carpenter's palatial lawn and porches for photo ops. Parents are everywhere with cameras snapping and before I know it we're pulled into the mix. There are pictures of each us with our dates and pictures of just the girls together and then just Carson and me together and then our friend Fisher, solo for the moment, shows up and gets in on the action. Then they get us all together and there are pictures of everyone and then just the seniors, and then just the dates and then all the guys and then all the girls. With the girls there are pictures facing front, pictures facing back, pictures facing left and right, pictures looking over their shoulders and pictures with their dresses up enough to show off their matching shoes. As this takes forever I slip away and find Hayden skulking about.

"Hey, what are you doing? Spying on the circus?" I ask, shaking his hand. We've seen each other several times since he got out, but it's still a little awkward. Not only because of his reentry to society, but because I know he knows about Belle and me. If he hadn't told me to go and talk to her I might never have known anything that was going on.

"Actually I'm stalking you and Belle. Georgia wanted a good picture of you together so I'm trying to send her one." He answers. "Of course I wouldn't have been here at all, but Belle insisted I see her in her dress and you in your tux."

"She looks amazing." I say truthfully although with all the photo-mania I've hardly got to admire her but her long auburn hair is swept up with curls around her face and her seafoam green dress makes her look like a mermaid.

"You know Belle's like my little sister. Do we need to have one of those big brother talks?" He asks, and I know he's teasing but I can't resist taking a jab.

"Well since I've been awakened more times than I can count by you climbing in my sister's bedroom window I think you can save it."

"Point taken my friend." He says with a rueful laugh.

"So you're sending her pictures. What does that mean...?"

"We've talked a few times and she texts... I'm a lousy texter, but... we're taking it slow; right now I just need friends and I don't want to do anything to get her off course again."

I appreciate his honesty and I hope that despite it all, he and Georgia will eventually be able to find their way back to each other. I don't think either of them will ever be exactly right without the other.

Carson and Fisher join us. Hayden greets them both easily and says, "So Fisher, man, what's up with you flying solo?"

"Dude, there are at least ten dateless girls at this prom for every one dateless guy. I might have gotten here alone, but you can bet I'm going home with the drunkest and the most desperate... as long as she's at least a six."

We all roll our eyes in unison, but I kind of admire Fisher's carefree attitude. All the girls fawn over him because he's good looking and a starting full back and he's from out of town so he doesn't look, dress or talk like the rest of us. But he just rolls with the flow, and if he has someone, he's cool, but if he doesn't he's cool with that too.

It seems like most of my high school life has been spent loving Belle from afar, and now that we're actually together I'm still constantly plagued with insecurity about her feelings for me. I wish I could be more like Fisher... take it or leave it. But then she calls my name, and I look over and she's smiling and waving me over, and I know that, no matter what, I'm in this and that my only hope is to make her love me as much as I love her.

Hayden

"So, you've been out for almost a month now. Give me a rundown of your average week." My parole officer asks on a Thursday evening when we're meeting in his office. The idea of meeting with anyone to discuss my "feelings" or anything else seemed completely ludicrous to me, but it turns out it hasn't been as bad as I thought. He's a middle-aged man with a degree in criminal justice who has seen his share of paroles go bad and is committed to helping mine go well. We have that in common. So despite my definite trust issues I'm doing my best to be open and honest with someone who's a virtual stranger.

"I'm working 6-3 through the week at the nursery. Most of those days turn out to be longer than that because it's the busy time, but I like the work... especially the landscaping part." I explain.

"What about that appeals to you?"

"Being outdoors, and working at my own pace. I tend to be a bit of a loner."

"You have a well-documented history of success in a team sport."

I shrug because he's right, but I'm not sure why. "I don't know. Football's part of... who I am. Those were my best friends."

"I also have a well-documented record of failure at football outside of Grassland." I say which draws a small chuckle from him and I continue. "I think I'm good at the landscaping part of the job. I know what looks good together and what'll grow where. I took agricultural classes and some business courses while I was in, and I'm planning to continue with that. I've enrolled in a couple of night classes at the community college for summer. I start those in June."

He nods approvingly and I continue. "I see my brother and his family usually a couple of times a week... I eat dinner with them at least once a week and I go to church with them on Sunday. I see my foster family every day and have dinner with them at least a few times a week... they're big on dinner around the table. I'm also picking up some shifts at the Fish Basket just waiting tables for the extra money."

"How's that working out for you?"

I smile inwardly recognizing the use of open-ended questions to get better responses out of me. I've spent enough of my life around social workers and the likes to know they're not happy with yes or no answers. As for this question, I have a pretty good idea what he's getting at. "There's nothing about the Fish Basket that is like the bar where the incident happened. It's a family place. I know most of the clientele and the tips are good. It'll help me be able to afford a place of my own sooner rather than later."

"So what's your timetable on that?"

I think about it for a moment. The truth is I've spent several nights on the boat already and I'm figuring on spending more there in the future. I tell him as much and I know he'll want to know the reason why so I go ahead and elaborate. "It's not really got anything to do with the Carpenters. They've been great and I'm fine with them, but... I don't know, I don't sleep particularly well these days and when I'm on the boat I can get up and sit outside, walk around and not worry about waking anyone else. At their house I feel like I have to stay in my bedroom or I'll wake someone up and..." My voice trails off and I shrug.

"Mild claustrophobia is very common, even after a stay in a minimum security facility such as yours. For fourteen months you couldn't leave your 'room' after you went to bed at night. Feeling that way now leads to anxiety, and anxiety makes sleep impossible."

I nod because he's exactly right. As long as I sleep through the night I'm fine, but if I wake up the house is so quiet and I don't feel like I can leave the bedroom, and before I know it I'm sweating and breathing too hard and by 4:00AM I'm dressed and in my truck. On the upside I'm running every day with Max so that's a plus. I'm up to as many miles as he is. Considering how I've eaten since getting out, running daily is not a bonus. It's a necessity.

"You've mentioned more than once that your safest place is on the water. I think wanting to be there at a time such as this is completely normal. Probably even a wise choice, I'd say."

I nod and feel relieved. "I've been pricing boats that I could actually live on. I feel at home at the marina... it's my favorite place."

"I think that's a natural solution for you... just don't get too far from shore." He jokes and I smile because the thought has certainly crossed my mind.

"So what about companionship?" He continues.

This catches me off guard and I say. "Excuse me?"

"Are you seeing anyone?"

I'm a little surprised by this and I'm not sure if he's asking if I'm dating anyone or if I'm having sex with anyone, but since the answer is no in both cases I go ahead; reminding myself that for fourteen months I showered with a hundred strangers and lived with the threat of body cavity searches daily. It's not as if talking about my sex life is that big of an invasion of privacy.

"No, I'm just trying to ease back into relationships... sticking with my family and a few of my friends and co-workers." I tell him.

"Why is that?" He asks, looking up from his journal.

"Why?" I repeat.

"Yes, why? You're a healthy, normal, heterosexual young man who was incarcerated for fourteen months and according to your records didn't have conjugal visits. That's normally one of the first things anyone does after being released. So I repeat, why?"

I clear my throat. "My girlfriend is in New Orleans at school. We're talking and I guess I'm waiting for her."

"It was my understanding that she's your ex-girlfriend."

I shake my head. "Coop and I are never really over. We'd had a fight before I was arrested and then I didn't want her to feel... she's got a lot going for her; academic scholarship, internship in Germany, work study with the mayor. I didn't want her to be consumed with worrying about me and miss out on all of that. So I ended things with her... but she continued writing me the whole time I was in and we've talked since I've been out. She'll be out of school soon. Her brother is graduating from Grassland High and she'll be here. We'll see each other then."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because her brother and I are close. We run every morning. He actually lives with my brother, his best friend is my brother's step-son, and his girlfriend is the Carpenter's daughter. And we'll just see each other because... that's what we do. If she's in town we won't be able to keep from seeing each other." I explain with a shrug. Trying to make someone understand about Coop and me is impossible. We're just... us.

"So you're waiting for her." He repeats.

"Yes sir."

He nods and is silent for a minute and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't know where this is going. Finally, he says, "You said that you were fighting when you ended up at the bar where you eventually committed the crime that sent you to prison. Is fighting a typical part of your relationship?"

"All couples fight. There'd been a misunderstanding about something. That wasn't why I was in the bar and certainly not why I got in a fight." I answer defensively.

"Hayden I'm here to help you. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, and I'm certainly not going to hold it against you for getting back with your girlfriend who you obviously love. But I'm just asking you to think about this for a minute. You and she obviously have a very passionate relationship; very strong personalities, yes?"

I nod because I'm trying to be honest here even when it goes against my nature; even when I'm afraid of where it might lead.

"One of the biggest mistakes that people make during reentry is the belief that they haven't changed; that they can go back to being exactly who they were before. There's a whole other level to prison that goes way above just being locked up and away from the people you care about."

"But... Coop is more than just my girlfriend. She's my family; more than my brother, who I didn't see for over half my life, or the Carpenters, who I never really wanted to be with, or even my best friend Caleb. She's always been a part of me. She's the love of my life." I can't believe I'm saying all of this to a rank stranger. I can't believe I'm trying this hard to convince someone that Coop and I should be together. And that's when I realize that he's not who I'm trying to convince.

"Okay, if that's the case, then that's not going to change, right? I mean, you've known this girl all of your life. I'm guessing you didn't start out at the same place you were before you went to prison. I'm guessing you've changed and grown and fought and gotten back together and through that all, she's been the love of your life, right?"

I wait for a moment before I respond because I'm a little stunned by what he's saying. But finally I nod and he continues. "I'm asking you to give yourself time before you launch into a serious relationship with her again. I'm not saying you can't see her. I'm not saying you can't be friends. I'm just asking you to take some time."

I think about what he says and I want to reject it out of hand, but I know there's logic to his words. Finally, I say, "You don't understand. I'm so much better when I'm with Coop. I make better choices, better decisions."

"You're scared to be without her?"

"Yeah. My life goes to hell when I'm not with her. I flunked out of college, slept with my best friend's girlfriend... I killed a man. I'm a mess without her." I think about it for a minute and I say. "I guess that's the problem isn't it?"

"That's exactly the problem. No one, no matter how much they love you, can be your life raft Hayden. You've got to figure out how for your life not to go to hell whether you're with her or not."

Georgia

Georgia sits down across from her academic advisor and presents her folder.

"I'm really excited about this summer internship. I know that as I get closer to graduation and start applying to law school, my internships become more important, but I also know that finding an internship that can lead to a job is really important. So this one is in Mobile with DHR and it's working directly with the Director and the Assistant Director of Child Welfare. Obviously Mobile County is home for me and I have first-hand experience with their DHR. I've seen it when it worked and when it didn't. I feel like working here is a chance for me to actually help and to see what it's like being in a real program where resources are very limited and trying to make a difference despite those shortcomings."

Dr. Wesson smiles and nods. "That sounds excellent. But you're not taking it."

"I'm not?"

"No." She says shaking her head and then grabbing my hands. "I just got a letter and you've been selected to go to Washington DC this summer and work with The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute in their Child Welfare Policy Internship. Georgia, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You can't turn it down."

I'm stunned by what she says, but I sigh and say, "I didn't apply for that."

"You wrote a paper in your comparative social policy course that went to the Dean of Admissions and he submitted it. I repeat this is once in a lifetime... for you and it certainly doesn't hurt the University either. Four years after Hurricane Katrina we're definitely not to a point yet where we can afford to turn down good publicity."

I'm silent for a minute as I process what she's saying to me, and my heart sinks a little with each second. "I appreciate that, but my little brother is graduating from high school next week and I'm going home to be with him. I've practically raised him. He's leaving for Parris Island in July and also, I feel like because I'll be home this summer I won't have the distractions of being in a strange city and also it'll give me plenty of time to really study for my LSAT's in October and..." She gives me this look and I feel like she knows exactly what I'm not saying; All I want to do this summer is go home to Hayden.

"Georgia I simply will not let you turn this down. I know you're planning to apply to University of Alabama law school and I think you have an excellent shot at that. Your records indicate you've done very well on your practice LSAT's and your grades and accolades and activities speak for themselves. Do this internship and make better than 160 on your LSAT, and you're in the 22nd ranked Law School in the country. And then Mobile County will let you write your own ticket."

I leave her office and walk across campus feeling completely dejected. Every minute of the last five weeks have been torture to me, but I've stayed away, given Hayden space and time. I finished my exams a week ago, but I've stayed on campus as long as they'll let me, working at both the office of accounts receivable and also at the deli a few nights a week. But the University closes for summer in a few days and Max graduates and I'll be going home. I thought surely I would be able to see Hayden then and if I spent the summer at home we could get back to where we used to be. But now this.

I know I should be happy. This is what I wanted. Three and a half years ago this is what I wanted. Now, I would give up all of it just to be with Hayden. But then again, isn't that the thing that has scared me the most all along?

Hayden

I finish my requisite weekly dinner at the Carpenters and head upstairs to my bedroom. I'm forcing myself to stay one night a week now simply because they've been really good to me and the last thing I want to do is insult them. But earlier today I put a down-payment on a 34 ft trawler with complete living space underneath and it should be in the dock by the first of the week. I'm renting a boat slip from Evan Kirk's parents on their property. It's perfect because it's far enough from their house that they can't actually see it, and there's a road that takes you directly to it without having to pull into their driveway.

Work is going well and my parole officer seems happy enough with me. I'm actually becoming comfortable talking to him. I wouldn't go so far as to say I trust him yet, but that's just because trusting anyone is close to impossible for me.

Avery is thrilled that I've bought the boat, not just because it means I won't be crashing on his all the time, but because he's never been comfortable with me living with the Carpenters again. Claire is already stockpiling Tupperware and non-perishable food items to send home with me.

I have to admit, when I was in prison and Avery told me he was marrying Claire I was insecure. Claire had three kids, plus they had Max. Then Andy came along and I really couldn't imagine how there could be room for me in my brother's life. But since my release, something unexpected has happened. I think, maybe for the first time in my life, I'm part of a family.

All that's left now is the unpleasant task of telling Mr. Carpenter. I'm not looking forward to it so I decide to sleep on it tonight, and hopefully in the morning over breakfast it will come easier. But tonight turns out to be one of those nights when sleep is elusive. I'm pacing my room at 1:00 am, I open a window at 1:15 and finally by 2:00 my desire to be quiet is overcome by my desire to actually breathe so I climb out the window, to the roof that slopes down to the first floor and wonder how I did this at thirteen and fourteen without breaking my neck. I drop to the ground with a thud and realize that at thirteen and fourteen my bones were clearly squishier. Once I'm outside I feel better immediately but then I'm faced with the reality that my only option is to climb back up the roof and into my room... something I did often as a kid... or sit here till morning and explain why I'm outside. I'm pondering this decision when I hear something in the bushes and take a step closer to investigate.

"Oh God, please don't tell my parents."

"Belle, what are you doing out here?" I ask, more surprised than anything. "Were you with Max?"

She looks guilty... too guilty and I say, "You weren't with Max, were you?"

"It's really not like that Hayden. I'm not cheating on Max. I would never do that. It's just... a friend who needed to talk. I promise."

I nod and say, "Speaking of friends who need to talk, are you okay?"

She shrugs and looks down at her shoes. "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" I ask.

"Take your pick of reasons." She says tearfully. "Georgia thought you got me pregnant and that's why she broke up with you and that's why you were in that bar that night and that's why you went to prison. Or, I got pregnant by Georgia's little brother and didn't tell him, and then I finally did tell him, and I broke his heart and then after I had an abortion I decided I did like him after all and now we're dating but sometimes he still looks at me like he's waiting for me to hurt him again."

I shake my head and take her hand. "I'm not mad at you. I worry about you. An abortion is serious business and I don't know how you did it without your parents finding out about it. And I know they'd kill you if they ever did find out about it. That's a lot to carry around. And also... Max is crazy about you. He has been for a long time. Do you feel that way about him?"

"Of course." She answers, maybe a little too quickly and I look at her. "Max is wonderful."

"This friend tonight... was it a girl friend or a guy friend?"

She looks down guiltily again and I ask, "Would Max be upset if he knew about it?"

"Hayden, I can't tell you about it, but I swear. It's not got anything to do with me and Max. This guy really is just a friend."

I nod and we stand silently for a minute before she asks, "Would you have been mad if Georgia had met a guy to talk even if he was just a friend?"

"Hell yes." I answer without hesitation. "But Georgia and I never had friends of the opposite sex. We had people we used to make each other jealous, and we had each other. And we had Caleb, but he knew better than to talk to her without me... especially in the middle of the night."

"She really is the whole world to you, isn't she?"

I shrug because I'm trying real hard to build a life that works with or without Georgia. Some days I feel like I can make it happen and others it seems insurmountable. "I've known Georgia all my life. We met in kindergarten. I was this shrimpy little kid who didn't do normal stuff like little league and peewee football or Sunday School or cub scouts. She was the same way. We just gravitated toward each other. That was the year they took me away from my father. I went to a temporary placement out in the county, but thankfully they let me stay in school. I finished out the year and then they put me with a family... the Turners. I liked them. They had two daughters... Samantha and Tara, who were older than me. He got me involved in football. I thought I would stay with them forever. Then after... almost two years, suddenly they sent me back. I heard, later on, that they got a divorce. He moved to Mobile and she took the girls and went home to Pensacola. I was in third grade by then. I spent that year in another temporary placement. The temporary placements were always people who want to adopt so they're trying to look good to DHR. They take kids that no one wants and they're nice to them, but they never really cared; never let themselves get attached. When I was ten I went to a group home out on county road 63. I was there till I came here. I met Caleb the same year I came here."

"But Georgia?"

"Always there." I say with a smile.

"Why Coop? I mean, the name. Georgia's a great name."

"It is. A beautiful, sexy name that suits her to a T. But she was a snaggle tooth, gangly tomboy back then. I started calling her Cooper because she played sports like one of the guys and Cooper quickly became Coop. It just stuck."

"You guys are so lucky." She says dreamily and I start to argue. How can we be lucky? We aren't even together. But then I think about it and I realize we are lucky. No matter what, we've always known that we loved each other. That has to mean something.

"I love her. Right now, just knowing that is enough for me."

"You have to get back together." She says passionately.

"We do?" I say curiously.

"Yes. You make bad choices when you're not with her. Look at Aimee."

"Ouch. You're the one who's sneaking out in the middle of the night."

"You're out here too." She retorts.

"I'm a grown up. I don't have to sneak."

"Does that mean you're going to ring the doorbell to get back inside?" She says smartly.

"I guess that depends on if you have a better idea." I tease.

"You might have sneaked out of here dozens of times to see Georgia, but never forget... I lived here before you came and after you left. When it comes to this place, I know every trick in the book." She says, leading me down the back steps to the basement. It turns out she's left a piece of cardboard to keep the door from latching. As I follow her into the basement and up the back stairs to our rooms, it hits me. Maybe I've been a part of a family for longer than I realized.

***

The next morning, I come down early for breakfast, having sent Max a message that I'd have to skip running this morning.

Dana Carpenter never joined us for breakfast, even once, in all the years I grew up here and Belle seems to seldom make it either, opting instead for a trip to the vending machine at school. But one of the few things I really liked about living here was waking up to a big breakfast with plenty to eat instead of going to school hungry.

"You're not running today?" He asks when I join him.

"No sir. I actually needed to talk to you."

He puts down his paper and waits while fix my plate of eggs, bacon, toast, grits and apples. Then I turn to him and say, "I appreciate, more than you know, all that you've done for me these past few weeks, but I've gotten some money together and I've got a place. I'll be moving out in the next week or so."

He asks for details and I nervously tell him.

"A boat?" He asks, and I can hear the thinly veiled disapproval.

"Yes sir. It's a really good one and my parole officer is actually very pleased with it. I'm excited to be on my own."

He nods and says, "Well, Hayden, it's your decision, but I don't know why you couldn't just stay here. You're free to come and go as you please. You could be saving money and maybe actually buy a real house in a year or so."

"I appreciate that, but it's really time I get out on my own." I explain, trying to keep any sign of an edge out of my voice. "Again, I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me... recently and when I was a kid."

He's quiet for a minute before he finally says, "All I ever wanted was for you to feel a part of our family."

I'm quiet for a minute too, but then I say, "With all due respect sir, what you wanted was a son."

"Exactly."

"No... you wanted a son; your son. You wanted someone who would be like you. That was never going to be me. I'm just a guy who's happy to own a boat and a truck and be in love with a beautiful girl. That's always been enough for me. But that was never enough for you."

"Hayden I was always proud of you." He insists... and for the first time ever I think I might believe him. At least I believe that he believes what he's saying.

"You were proud of me on the football field. My grades were never good enough..."

"Because you could have done so much better."

"My brother wasn't good enough." I continue.

"I was afraid of what he'd let happen to you." He argues.

"Georgia was never good enough."

At that he doesn't respond and I continue. "Coop is the best person I know; not to mention the smartest. When you told me how much better I could do than her, you know what that said to me... that you could have done so much better than me. Because the idea that there's anyone better than Coop... especially for me... is ridiculous."

"I was just trying to help you be the best you that you could be." He says defensively.

"Yes sir, I believe you. And I've made a lot of mistakes, most especially winding up in prison, but the truth is I think I'm well on my way to being the best me that I can be. I'd like for you to be a part of that." I say and I'm as surprised as he is to hear it come from my mouth. "One of the things I've learned through everything that I've done... from college to prison to parole... is that you can't ever have too many people in your corner. I do think of you all as family. The truth is when I was seventeen I couldn't choose between you and Avery and I don't want to have to choose now. I hope that I don't have to."

Georgia

The Brewster family is one of the oldest and most affluent in Grassland and their property is nothing short of a showplace. They have prize winning azaleas in spring, vibrant hibiscus in summer, an array of chrysanthemums in fall, and elaborate but still tasteful Christmas lights in winter, and all of it is back dropped by a perfectly manicured lawn that never shows any sign of growth or loss of green.

I park my car at the end of their driveway and start across the lush Bermuda grass on a sunny afternoon in May.

And then I see him. He's working alone and I'm thankful for it because it gives me the chance to look at him; just look.

I thought I knew how much I'd missed him; how scared I'd been that the last year had changed him in ways that he wouldn't be able to overcome. But now as I watch him in faded jeans, a gray number 77 t-shirt and a baseball cap he looks undeniably like my Hayden and undeniably beautiful.

I finally get close enough for him to hear me, but he's absorbed in work so I get to sneak up and call out to him. "Looking good number 77."

He turns slowly and is grinning immediately. "Georgia Grace." He says softly.

"Hi." I reply, taking a step toward him but he holds up mud covered arms.

"This is not the way I wanted to see you for the first time." He says ruefully.

I know he's telling me the truth; Hayden is always honest and with his open-book face, he's incapable of lying. But I can't help feeling that he's grateful that there's a barrier between us; that work makes it okay to see me because it keeps me from getting too close.

I shrug. "I was afraid that if I didn't see you here, I wouldn't until the graduation tonight and I didn't want the first time I saw you to be with our brothers and everyone else in the world there too. Also, I just couldn't wait." I take a timid step forward and reach out to touch his face. He flinches nervously and I start to pull away, but then he leans into my touch and sighs.

"God I've missed you." He whispers.

I nod and finish his sentence. "Sometimes so much I wasn't sure I'd be able to go on."

I take a step back, mostly because being this close to him and not being in his arms makes it impossible for me to concentrate. "So this is work?"

"This is work." He answers and I can't miss the hint of pride that creeps in. He gestures toward the back where two guys are mowing and one is trimming hedges. He's planting a couple of varieties of palm trees in a circle lined with lilies. "I've been promoted to crew supervisor."

"That's great!" I say truthfully. "Really, I'm so proud of you."

He offers a self-conscious shrug. "Well it's not Washington DC, but..."

"You heard about that?"

He nods and then says. "All seriousness Georgia. I'm couldn't be happier for you. This is another once in a lifetime opportunity and you deserve it. You're amazing."

"Thanks." I say, secretly wishing that I didn't have to think about it. "It's a huge honor, but I wish it wasn't happening... or was happening at a different time. I won't even be here when Max leaves."

"Don't worry about Max. We've got him."

"You've all been so wonderful to him. We can never thank you..." I say, my voice trailing off as I'm unable to finish.

"Max is part of the family. Avery and Claire wouldn't have it any other way. And you know how I feel... you're my family so Max is my family."

I smile and then I ask nervously, "Speaking of family and Max, will you be my date for graduation tonight?"

Hayden

I park my truck at the curb of the Asher house and take a deep breath. I haven't picked up Coop for a date... maybe ever; not like this anyway. I'm just thankful that even though she's staying with Aimee's parents they are already at the graduation so I won't have to face them in order to see her. They've forgiven me for my role in Aimee's rebellion, and Mr. Asher has been a loyal friend to me, but I still feel guilty around them. I walk toward the house and mentally check my appearance; good jeans, light blue polo, Sperry's, freshly washed hair.

The front door opens and Coop walks out, and I feel all the air leave my lungs. I barely even remember seeing her this afternoon. I just remember being stunned by her mere presence. But now I can see her and if possible she's even more beautiful than she was a year and a half ago. Her hair is up, and she's wearing a floaty blue sundress and some sort of strappy sandal that makes her look almost barefoot. And all at once I'm acutely aware of exactly why my parole officer was so surprised that I hadn't had sex since my release. I'm now very concerned about this fact as well.

"Wow Georgia, you look amazing." I say stepping toward her and instinctively extending my hand to her, which she takes naturally. Suddenly we're holding hands and for one brief moment everything feels right in my world. And what's more, I can see it on her face that she feels the same way.

"You look amazing too." She says softly as we turn toward the end of the driveway and she stops short. "What happened to your truck?"

"Oh that." I say motioning toward my new-well-used 1999 black Ford pick-up. "I sold my other one. I needed the money. And besides, it never really felt like mine. It was the golden-boy-truck."

"You deserved the golden-boy-truck as much as anyone, but I certainly understand needing money. God I'm surrounded by all these rich kids at school and they just whip out a credit card for everything and I'm always wondering if they'll ever see a bill. We don't come from the same world as they do."

I smile because she still considers herself a part of "we" and not as one of "them". "We've got some time before graduation starts. You want to see why I needed money?"

We drive down to the Kirk's property and take the back road down to the dock and then there she is. The first home I've ever owned; and if I'm honest the first home I've ever had that I know I can't be made to leave.

"This is yours?" She asks excitedly.

"This is mine. Come aboard ye landlubber."

I take her hand again and lead her onto deck and then down into the cabin. It's only one main room with a sofa bed, a chair and a kitchenette, and a bathroom off the main area. "It was delivered earlier in the week. I'm still moving my stuff in but... here we are; home sweet home. It's pretty great, isn't it?"

"It's wonderful!" She says impulsively throwing her arms around me.

I stay stock still, afraid to move. We stand awkwardly in the middle of the room and she steps away, hurt evident on her face. She turns to walk away, but I call out to her.

She turns to face me and for once she's the one with a face that can't hide her feelings. She's hurt, and wounded, and scared... and I'm the one who made her feel that way.

I shake my head regretfully and say, "Georgia... you know how much I love you; how much I want you. But... you're supposed to be in DC in two days. And if I touch you right now we aren't leaving this cabin for about a month."

She laughs nervously and says, "That doesn't sound like a bad idea." But the moment is broken and she heads up the steps to deck.

I take a deep breath and say, "It doesn't sound bad at all."

Georgia

"I'm so proud of you." I say hugging my sweet baby brother. "You've done all of this all by yourself. You amaze me."

He hugs me back, tucking his head with embarrassment. And then Belle Carpenter runs up and I'm forgotten; which would be fine if I were 100% sure of how I feel about her. Then I feel Hayden's hand slip in mine... speaking of things I'm not 100% sure how I feel about.

"So there's going to be some sort of family dinner tonight to celebrate... Avery and Claire and all of theirs, plus you and Max and me, and Belle and the Carpenters... as well as some friends. We could charge admission." He whispers against me ear and I can't suppress a giggle; brought on by what he says as well as his breath on my ear and my general relief that he's still joking with me and holding my hand.

"Do you think they'd notice if we didn't show up?" I tease, following him to his truck. "Mr. Carpenter is not my biggest fan."

"Oh you've not met the post-prison Jesse Carpenter. He's very much mellowed." He replies sarcastically, but I sense a subtle change in his opinion of the Carpenters all the same. I think instead maybe it's Hayden who has mellowed.

We start toward the restaurant and Hayden gives me a rundown. "So here's what you need to know. First of all, Carson and Max are perpetually mad at each other about something, but no one knows why. Belle and Max make everyone around them want to puke, especially Carson and his girlfriend Torie, who Claire does not approve of. But the thing that has everyone really upset is Carson backing out on Rice after he gave the verbal. Max and Carson's friend Fisher will probably be there as well. He's a barrel of laughs, really. His dad is a freelance computer something-or-other, makes a boatload of money and they move all over the world. He's been here since halfway through their junior year. He says he's 5'10" but he's not, but he plays like he's 6'4"."

"Sounds like someone we know." I interrupt which draws a chuckle from him.

"And he flirts like he's... I don't know 7'2"? I'll be very surprised if he doesn't hit on you."

"This is sounding more fun by the minute." I say truthfully. "Do you think I'll be able to pry Max away from Belle long enough to spend some time with him this weekend? I've been the worst big sister."

"You're a great sister. He's a great guy because of you; All-state wide receiver, national honor society... even his decision to be a marine. He's a good guy." He's quiet for a minute. "And we both know you've missed out on a lot with him because of me."

"That's not true. Time and again I've chosen academics over him. I mean... everyone including him encouraged me to do it, but it was still my choice." I say sadly.

He squeezes my hand and I want so badly to hold onto it... to hold onto any connection that I can get to him, but time and again he's asked me for time and space. I want to give it to him. But it doesn't change the fact that right now I need exactly the opposite.

"I think that he will definitely want to spend some time with you by the way." He assures me.

"And you? I would love to spend some time with you; anywhere as long as we can just talk... hangout." I asked tentatively.

"I work all day tomorrow. I have to finish the Brewster house in the morning and then be at the restaurant by tomorrow afternoon to work a double. I've got to pay for the boat somehow. But I'd love to do something Sunday."

We go to the restaurant and have a nice dinner, although the strain is obvious between Max and Carson, and Claire and Carson. Jesse Carpenter seems to go out of his way to be nice to me. Perhaps Hayden is right and he has mellowed. And I do my best to make an effort to be friendlier with Belle. As long as Hayden is in my life, she will be in it too, and if she does indeed care about my brother then she's definitely going to be a part my future.

The graduates and the girlfriends all leave first, heading off to some party. I'm out of practice, but I remind Max to be careful and to remember that Belle is his responsibility. We make plans to spend the next day together. Not long after they all leave the Carpenter's excuse themselves as well which leaves me and Hayden with Avery, Claire, the girls and Andy. It's obvious that Celia and Caitlyn have some serious crushes on Hayden. They both vie for his attention which I have to admit is kind of adorable and gives me the chance to talk to Claire. Of course I've known her for years, as the mom of my brother's friend. But now she's the wife of my boyfriend's brother which makes us more like contemporaries. I was a little nervous about it, but I really want to like her. Not only has she done so much for Max this past year, but it's obvious she's been great to Hayden too. I talk to her, as well as Avery, with easy comradery until Andy starts to fuss. I'm stunned when Hayden waves off his sister-in-law and gets his nephew who immediately quiets. Avery turns to say something to Hayden and Claire elbows me.

"Are you okay? You look like you could use some air." She whispers, nodding toward Hayden and the baby.

"Yeah I wasn't prepared for that." I reply in hushed tones. "Is it just me..."

"Oh no. He's my husband's little brother but let's be honest. There's nothing hotter than a hot guy with a baby." She teases, her eyes dancing with laughter.

We leave the restaurant and I find myself undeniably jumpy. It's the end of the night. That usually means a goodnight kiss. But earlier when I hugged Hayden he did everything but hurl me across the room. I just wish we could talk. I want him to tell me everything so that I know what I'm dealing with. But he's called me Georgia ever since I got here and I know him well enough to know that he's using that to put distance between us.

We get to the Asher's and he walks me to the door.

"So Sunday?" I ask, hoping I'm not pushing.

"Yeah. I, uh... go to church with Avery's family. So does Max. But then we can spend the rest of the day together till you have to go to the airport Sunday night."

"Okay." I say and then I can't resist. "Church?"

He grins. "It's good. It's not like where I went with the Carpenter's. You'll like it." He assures me and I'm happy that he's expecting me to be there.

We stand under the porchlight and it's weird, because it feels like we've done everything and shared everything and yet I never remember standing under the porchlight waiting for Hayden Nichols to kiss me goodnight. Finally, I can't hold it back anymore. "Hayden I love you. I know that you're going through things I can't imagine and I want to know what you're thinking; I want to understand and to try and help, but if that's not possible I get it. But I just need to know that you know that no matter what has changed, that hasn't. I love you."

He closes his eyes and then puts his forehead against mine, and just this little contact is enough to make me want to sob with relief. "Coop... you're the love of my life. That will never change. This isn't about you. I've just have so much to figure out."

"I understand... but never think that you have to figure it out alone. I'm here... as a friend if that's what you need."

He nods and I see that he's relieved too. He kisses my forehead and then he's gone and I watch him walk to his truck. This isn't how imagined this night ending at all. But strangely enough, I feel like it ended the right way.

Hayden

Georgia really is the smartest girl in the world. It turns out that it's only 25 miles from Grassland to the beach at Fort Morgan by ferry; well within my probation limits. I, on the other hand, am not that smart or I never would have agreed to come here and spend a day with her in a bathing suit. She's taken pity on me and is wearing a one piece; three years ago I doubt she even owned a one piece. But one piece or not, she's still got about two miles of the sexiest, tanned legs I've ever seen. At least we're surrounded by people. Come to think of it, three years ago that wouldn't have slowed us down in the least.

Two hours into the afternoon we're sitting in Georgia's beach chairs, eating sandwiches and talking about her last summer in Germany and her upcoming trip to Washington. I love hearing her talk so excitedly and animated. I long to keep her talking. But her conversation trails off and I know it's my turn to share.

I know I have to speak, but I don't want to. I think about what to say for a minute before I finally begin. "I can feel you next to me with these questions coming out of your pores. Ask me anything. If I can figure out how to answer it, I will."

"What was the worst thing?" She asks without hesitation and it doesn't surprise me that she's the one who asks that question. She's the one willing to go through this with me no matter how hard I tried to keep her from it.

"A few weeks ago my P.O. said that what people don't realize is that prison is about much more than a loss of freedom and being kept away from the people you love. I thought about that and he's right. It's a loss of dignity and a loss of confidence; a loss of your sense of self. You have to be who they tell you to be. And that doesn't go away once you're out. I have trouble sleeping now. I don't know how to have down time anymore. And it's weird because I feel like my life is more together than it's ever been. I have a good job, a place of my own. I'm sober and responsible and I appreciate my family. But I guess the problem with that is that I don't feel like my life is entirely my own anymore so it's hard to know if I'm the one who got my life together or if they got it together. But the worst thing was, and still is, living with what I did."

She takes my hand and it's all I can do not to pull away from her. It's hard to talk about this but especially when I'm so close to her. But I promised to answer her and I know that I need to talk to her. If we have any hope of getting through this, I have to talk to her. "About a month before my parole hearing, my lawyer came to me and encouraged me to reach out to my... victim's family. He said that when I went before the parole board it would look good if I'd attempted to apologize for my actions. So I gave the go ahead for them to be contacted and he couldn't find anyone. He was no one's husband, father, son, brother... even friend. And maybe that should have made it better, but I just kept thinking... what if that was me? If it had gone the other way, and I'd ended up dead... people would have grieved for me. You and Avery... Caleb, the Carpenters, even Aimee, people around town... and that would have been bad for all of you to be hurt by it, but my God can you imagine living a whole life and all you left behind was a kid in prison who can't wake up in the morning or go to sleep at night without thinking about what would have become of you if he'd just walked away?"

I can't bring myself to look at her, but I know she's crying. I'm pretty close to crying myself. But I'm holding tighter to her hand, suddenly finding comfort in her sure and familiar touch instead of the fear I felt a few minutes ago. "When I got out I tried to find his grave, but I couldn't. Did you even know his name?"

"No." She says and the regret is evident.

"No one did. He was Wayne Lewis, born April 9, 1958 in the same city he died in... where there was no one there to even grieve for him. It just... it feels like there should be more that I can do."

She's quiet for a few minutes and then she says, "What you do, is get up every morning and be the better man; be the best man you can be. Never lose sight of how important you are to the people who love you. Show up for those people every day because having people to love who love us back is what separates us from people like him. And you're wrong, by the way. Prison isn't making you be the man you're being now. This is my field. I know what I'm talking about. Statistically the term 'correctional' is completely inaccurate because most people come out and are much worse than when they went in. But you were a good person when you went in. That's why you took a harsh punishment for a mistake, and now you're determined to never end up in such a situation again. That's how you make his life matter."

"My P.O. thinks that our relationship is too big for me to handle right now." I blurt out because it's suddenly the most important thing in the world that she understands why I'm still pushing her away, when everything inside me wants to pull her so close that nothing could ever come between us again.

"Is that why you never answered my letters?" She asks softly.

I feel my stomach knot at the mention of it but I reply, "I wrote you at least a couple of times a week."

"I poured out my heart to you. I told you how I loved you and missed you and how I cried myself to sleep at night because I worried that I'd never again get to fall asleep with your arms around me. You told me what you studied in agriculture class and how much you bench pressed that day and that breakfast was good."

"Well that was a lie. The other worst thing about prison was the food." I say, trying unsuccessfully to lighten the mood, but then I know I have to tell her the truth so I just start talking. "I had to be tough Coop, if there was any way to survive, I had to be... cold. And I couldn't be cold when... I was like this open wound without you. You know how in the wild the smell of a wounded animal brings out all the predators? Well that's how I would have been if I'd gone around hurting for you all the time."

We sit in silence for a minute and she finally says, "Did you learn that in foster care?"

I nod. "I couldn't miss my mom. I couldn't miss Avery. I just had to be angry and tough to get through it."

"Were you angry at me? Is that how you survived?" She asks tearfully.

"Sometimes... especially to begin with. I had to be. Eventually I was angry at Caleb... and always at myself." I sigh and force myself to look at her. "I lived for your letters. To know that even as I was forced to push you away you continued to be there; continued to care for me. They were like life's blood for me. But I couldn't read them because I knew one of two things would be inside them and I couldn't handle either one. Either you'd tell me you loved me and missed me and then I would have gone crazy until I was able to see you, or you'd tell me how disappointed in me you were and that would have killed me."

"So you never read them?"

I'm quiet for a minute but I finally say, "Not never... just not yet."

She looks down and I wait, afraid to say more; knowing that she needs something from me, but also knowing that all I have to give her is the truth.

Finally, her voice comes out small and fragile. "Do you blame me for you going to prison?"

I close my eyes because her tremulous voice is almost more than I can stand. All I want to do is fold her into my arms and tell her I'm sorry for all of it and that I love her more than life and beg her not to leave me. But I want to get to a point where we're both big enough people to handle this big relationship of ours and if we can't be honest with each other now that will never happen.

"I guess I blamed everyone at one time or another... but in my rational moments I know that there's no one to blame except me."

"You know, that's why Caleb won't talk to Aimee."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"He blames Aimee for you being there that night. You said that she asked you to stay and talk about something. He thinks she was making another play for you."

I let out a half-laugh/ half-groan and say, "If only he knew the real reason I was with her."

She nods and says, "I know. It's sort of ironic."

Then I think about what she said before and asked, "You didn't think that did you?"

"No." She answers and I know she's telling the truth. "After the Belle incident I knew that I could never let myself go down that path again. I'm not sure I'll ever get over that look on your face... although compared to all of this..." Her voice trails off and I wonder if I've put too much on her for one day.

"Coop... everything I've told you today is in the past."

"No it's not." She cries touching my face. "And it's okay. I hated this last year when you were telling me about your lunch and the weather. If this is what you're living with then I want to be the person who knows about it. If our relationship is too big right now, then I'll be your friend. I'll be whatever you need me to be."

"You're not just my friend. You are my best friend Coop. You always have been." I say, running my thumb across her cheek and wiping her tears. "God I need you."

"I'm here." She says and then laughs nervously. "I mean, I'm here until my flight leaves tonight and then I'm there, but I'm still here for you. Please don't shut me out."

"I won't." I answer truthfully. "I love you. Nothing that's happened has ever changed that."

"Me either." She says wiping furiously as the last remaining tears and then standing up and taking my hand. "Come on. We're at our favorite place and we only have a few hours till I leave. Let's go for a walk and look for shells."

I smile because, with her hand in mine, we feel like us again. We start down the beach and all I can think is how am I going to let her get on a plane and leave tonight. But I'll do it. Because somehow I know that every time I let her go, we're one step closer to her coming home forever.

Caleb

June 2009

"Best steak I've ever had... seriously." I say, finishing off my plate with gusto and reaching for another ear of grilled corn. What was supposed to be me and Hayden chilling on his new boat has turned into me, Hayden, Avery, Carson, Max and some guy named Fisher, but it's Max's last weekend before he leaves for Parris Island so I don't mind them being here. And it turns out Hayden hosts a mean cookout.

Once again Hayden has managed to surprise me. He's working two jobs, going to school and has already gotten a promotion. He's a model a parolee, in church and according to Avery... he'd never volunteer this information on his own... he's working with the church league's summer football program for at-risk youth. He and Georgia are not all the way back together, but are clearly well on their way. He's got his brother and his family in his life and the Carpenters, and they're all getting along with one another. He's bought a new truck that doesn't serve as a vivid reminder of his dark-days spent as the Grassland Golden Boy, and he's got this boat, which is, in my opinion the perfect living situation for him. He's my best friend, and I love him and I'm so happy he's weathering this storm that I was sure would ruin him forever, but once again I find myself slightly jealous of him... because no matter what happens, he rolls with the punches and always manages to get back to what he wants in life.

Avery leaves around midnight and the boys are all camped out on the lawn in lounge chairs. I've brought my air mattress to throw down in Hayden's floor in the cabin but he's still sitting on the deck.

"Dude, I've got to hand it to you. I thought when you went to prison that would destroy you, but you're coming back. You're doing great." I say truthfully as I join him.

"Thanks... but it's still a long road. So how about you? Georgia is studying for the LSAT. When do you take... what is it, the MCAT's?"

"In the fall. My palms sweat just thinking about it. I've got a 4.0, but I'm not a great test taker like Georgia is. You were always a better test taker than me."

"Because I never cared. You care too much. So what do you need to make?"

"As close to a 31.6 as possible. 31.6 puts you in the top 84th percentile and you can write your own ticket. A 25.2 puts you at the 50th percentile mark, thus making you average. I can't be average and stay at Vanderbilt." I explain. "So what classes are you taking?"

"Just two this summer, but 12 hours in the fall. I'm taking my English comp because that's my worst subject and Intro to Horticulture Industry. I have six hours of business courses and Soil and Fertilizer that transfer from Fountain. English I'm hanging on with a solid 77. But I got a 96 on my Horticulture test last week."

"Awesome. What hot girl did you cheat off?" I tease, which draws a look.

"Dude, there are no hot girls in Intro to Horticulture Industry." He snaps. "And besides, Coop would find out... she knows everything."

I'm quiet for a minute, weighing whether to say what I'm thinking but finally I go ahead with it. "She called me from DC. She's not happy. She just wants to be here."

"I know." He says and I can see the worry behind his eyes. "But it's going to look great on her applications. And it's only for a few more weeks."

"Yeah, she tells me she's planning to leave Tulane if she gets in Alabama Law School which, of course she will." I say.

"Yeah, number 22nd ranked law school nationally. Roll Tide. It's amazing how smart we are when we take the football team out of the equation."

I laugh. "That's actually further away from home than Tulane, isn't it?"

He nods. "I'm just all about supporting her dreams right now and she's all about helping me get my life back on track. It's all either of us can handle for the moment."

I nod and I'm envious again because they have that relationship. They can make this transition if they need to and know that when they're ready to be in love again they can go back to those people who used to make the rest of us so jealous we couldn't see straight. Despite everything they've been through, or maybe because of it, I now have no doubt that when it's all said and done they'll be together. But in the meantime they're best friends and that's just the way it is.

"She's still pissed at me for coming to see you after you got out when I told her not to, but at least she's talking to me again." I explain. "But she couldn't hang up without chewing me out about Aimee. Like there's any chance of that now. I'm so done with her."

Hayden shrugs but I know he's far from indifferent on this subject. He says, "Coop says you blame Aimee for me winding up in prison. You think she kept me in the bar that night to make a play for me."

I look away but then I nod slowly. "It makes sense."

"It might make sense, but it's not true. She kept me there to talk about you."

I shove down the little glimmer go happy that I feel at that information and I shake my head and say, "And that's supposed to change anything? Look, the fact is that you went there to tell her something about you and she turned it into something about her. She's toxic. And of course she got attacked by some drunk guy and of course you had to save her and end up in prison. That's just the kind of toxic drama that she invites and that's why I don't want any part of her to be in my life."

"So if I hadn't gone to that bar to see Aimee I wouldn't have ended up in a fight and I wouldn't have killed a guy so it's her fault I ended up in prison?" Hayden reasons.

"Yeah." I say nodding, and feeling slightly vindicated to hear it laid out like that.

"What about Georgia?"

"What about her?" I ask curiously.

"Well, if she hadn't broken up with me, yet again, for something I didn't even do I wouldn't have been going to New Orleans to fix things with her and I wouldn't have had to go to the bar to tell Aimee I was leaving town and I wouldn't have ended up in a fight and I wouldn't have killed a guy so it's really Georgia's fault I ended up in prison." He says, "But wait, you know if you're going there then you have to say it was Belle's fault because she's the one who caused the misunderstanding with Coop. So if she hadn't called me to talk that night then I wouldn't have had to go to New Orleans to fix things with Coop and I wouldn't have had to go to the bar to tell Aimee I was leaving town and I wouldn't have ended up in a fight and I wouldn't have killed a guy so it's really Belle's fault I ended up in prison."

"Come on, Hayden..." I argue, but he continues.

"But you know, if we hadn't gone out with the guys that night then Georgia and Aimee wouldn't have gone to Shrimpfest, and wouldn't have become friends so when Belle caused us to break up, I wouldn't have had to go to the bar to tell Aimee I was leaving town because she wouldn't have been Coop's friend and I wouldn't have ended up in a fight and I wouldn't have killed a guy so it's really the guys from the team's fault I ended up in prison." He states and I'm afraid I know where this is going. "But you know, if Aimee hadn't been working in the bar I wouldn't have gone to see her there, and if she hadn't dropped out of college she wouldn't have been working in the bar, and if she hadn't dumped you she wouldn't have dropped out of college and gone to work at the bar, and she wouldn't have dumped you if you hadn't gotten drunk and wrecked my truck and your entire football career in one fell swoop so by deductive reasoning, if your life hadn't fallen apart, Aimee wouldn't have dumped you, then she wouldn't have ruined her life, then Georgia and Aimee wouldn't have gone to Shrimpfest, and wouldn't have become friends so when Belle caused us to break up, I wouldn't have had to go to the bar to tell Aimee I was leaving town because she wouldn't have been Coop's friend and I wouldn't have ended up in a fight and I wouldn't have killed a guy so congratulations QB, it' really your fault I ended up in prison."

We sit silently for a few minutes before I finally say, "Do you think I really ever stop thinking about the fact that I'm the one who ruined everything?"

"Caleb... come on." He says, realizing that he's hit the mother of all nerves.

"No, listen to me. If I hadn't wrecked that night, then I wouldn't have ended my football career, Aimee and I wouldn't have broken up, she'd have followed me to college and we'd be getting ready for the draft right now and I'd probably be ring shopping and our lives would have ended up exactly the way we always planned. And YOU... you would have never been thrust into the role of Golden Boy. You'd have flown under the radar and played defense and you and Georgia would have kept fighting and getting back together and she'd have gone to college and you'd have been pissed, but then you'd have followed her and you guys would be living in New Orleans together and things would never have been weird between you and me, and you'd have never slept with Aimee and you and Georgia wouldn't be taking Aimee's side against me and you... wouldn't have gone to the bar to tell Aimee you were leaving town and you wouldn't have ended up in a fight and you wouldn't have killed a guy and you wouldn't have ended up in prison."

"Dude, that's a whole lot of 'what ifs' to pin on a drunk driving incident."

I shake my head and three years of guilt I didn't know I was carrying around just keeps tumbling out, "You were my best friend, you and Georgia. Aimee was my girlfriend. I was the oldest. I was the quarterback. I was the one everyone expected to make good choices; to take care of everything. I let you all down."

"Okay, first of all, I never expected you to take care of me or Coop and neither did Coop. Second of all, she's doing great and I'm not stupid enough to think that breaking up with me didn't have some impact on that. And as bad as prison was, I'm doing good... better than I would be if I'd tagged along after Georgia to New Orleans. And as for whose fault it is that I ended up in prison; believe me when I say you need look no further than the stupid former-foster-kid who just kept hitting and hitting and hitting the guy even when I knew he wasn't fighting back anymore."

"I'm sorry Hayden... for everything." I say because the pain and guilt he's still carrying obviously weighs heavily at all times.

"And about Aimee... say you hadn't wrecked the truck and given up your football career and she'd followed you to college... what would have happened when you got hit by a 300 lb. lineman who ended your career and you lost your scholarship and you didn't have a back-up plan? Or when you went to the NFL and you couldn't hack it and they cut-you-loose after one year and you lost that big paycheck and you two were already married and then what? If she was going to bail on you when your life fell apart, it's better it happened when it did than later on."

I laugh ruefully because I'd forgotten how good it felt to have my best friend in my corner. "I thought you thought I should have fought harder to get her back."

"I do. But that's not the point." He argues.

"I loved Aimee so much. I don't even know if I knew how much at the time because it wasn't ever like I chose her. My life was this neat package that I didn't choose... Gator football, homecoming court, student council, national honor society and Aimee Asher. But when I lost it all... I realized I loved her more than I even knew."

"Please Caleb... it's not too late." He says and his face gives away exactly how much he means what he's saying. He's honestly pleading with me to be with her, and for the life of me I can't understand why it matters so much.

I hold up my hands and stop him. "I'm dating someone. Her name is Kathryn. She's perfect for me and I'm happy."

"I thought you weren't looking for anyone until you got into your residency."

"I wasn't, but we found each other just the same. I'm happy. And I repeat, there's nothing about Aimee that I want to have any part of my future. I barely survived her once. I can't do it again."

Hayden

July 2009

It's 4th of July and I'm working a double at the fish basket because it's better than watching the fireworks over the bay alone... or as a third wheel with the Thomases. I could hang out with Belle who's in the throes of moodiness since Max left, but in light of her recently detrimental crush, that's not the best idea. So instead I'm opting to make money... but at the moment tips are sucking and I'm feeling good and sorry for myself.

I've been settled in on the boat for over a month now and it's good to have my own space. But if I'm honest I have to admit that it's lonely sometimes. I'm lonely a lot of the time now. My job is great, but I'm the boss now so I can't get too friendly with the crew. I don't have much in common with anyone in school, and no real desire to find anything in common with them. I even find myself missing Max, and not just because I'm running by myself, but because I've grown to like him. And it doesn't hurt that he's part of Coop. I can drop by Avery's anytime and I do often, but it's not like having someone; it's not like having Coop.

The weather today is perfect, and as a result no one is eating inside. I figure everyone in Grassland is outside on the water... everyone but me. By 7:00pm I've rolled enough silverware to last until Christmas, restocked everything that can be restocked, swept twice and only made $7 in tips. I'm just about to throw in the towel and ask to leave early when a guy I don't recognize comes in and sits down at one of the bar tables.

"Hey, how's it going?" I ask and then add, "What can I start you off with?"

"Just a coke." He says, pulling out a $10. "And maybe some information."

"Information?" I repeat, feeling the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Something here isn't right.

"I'm looking for a Hayden Nichols. I heard he works here sometimes."

I turn my back to him and find something to wipe down as I ask calmly, "What do you need with him?"

My palms are sweating and my heart is pounding out of my chest as every worst case scenario goes through my mind.

"It's a personal matter." He says evasively. He doesn't look like a leg breaker or a loan shark... not that I owe anyone money that I know of. He doesn't look like a hit man or a bounty hunter either. He just looks like a normal guy in jeans and a polo. But still, there's something wrong with this picture.

"Well, I appreciate that it's personal, but if you want to find someone you should probably volunteer a little more information." I say, heading to the register and returning with change from his $10. "Here's your change."

"Oh, just keep it." He says and I can tell he's not giving up easily.

I push the money back at him and say, "Thanks but I can't help you. You should take your money and see if you have better luck somewhere else."

Georgia

I answer my phone as I sit in the window of my apartment and watch the fireworks over the Washington monument. This is one of those things that most people only dream of seeing, but all I can do is fight the urge to cry and wish that I was with Hayden watching the fireworks over the bay.

"Hey it's me. Can you talk?" Hayden says, and I'm so happy to hear his voice that it takes a minute to register that he's upset about something.

"Yea. I'm glad you called. I hate spending the 4th in a strange city, without you."

"I know. I worked tonight just to keep from being alone. But then something happened. This lawyer showed up and was looking for me. I panicked. I thought Wayne Lewis had some family that had finally surfaced. I was afraid I was being sued or my parole was going to be revoked... but it turned out... I have a grandfather."

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to switch gears, but still confused. "Did Avery know him?"

"It's my dad's dad. He wouldn't be Avery's grandfather. And I haven't talked to Avery yet because he and Claire have the kids out celebrating today." He explains, clearly rattled.

I take a deep breath and calm myself. Knowing that he needs me to be the steady hand right now. "Okay, tell me exactly what happened."

I hear him take a deep breath too, and I'd give anything we were having this conversation face to face, but then he begins. "This guy came in the restaurant and asked if I knew Hayden Nichols; said he'd heard he worked there sometimes. I asked why he needed him, he said it was personal and I tried to send him packing. But then he pulls out a business card from a law firm in Mobile. I googled it, and it's a real place. He said he works for James Nichols and that Hayden is his grandson. He'd lost touch with him and is trying to locate him."

"James Nichols? Like, Hayden James Nichols." I say.

"I know." He says angrily. "It doesn't prove anything. James is a common name; so is Nichols."

"I know. So what did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I just took his card." He answers and then he's quiet for a minute before saying. "I'm just going to ignore it. I mean, why would I possibly want to meet the man who raised the man who was a monster to Avery and my mom and then beat the hell out of a four-year-old for no reason; because he spilled his juice or something."

As long as I've been with Hayden this might be the most he's ever talked about Brad Nichols. The social worker in me doesn't miss how he speaks about himself in third person... like he's not still that four-year-old little boy somewhere inside.

"That's a good point." I concede softly.

"I mean... why now? Where was he when I was in foster care? Where was he when they took Avery away from me and left me there? How could he have lost touch with me? I'm in the same place where his son walked off and left me sixteen years ago; the same place I've been all the time except for a brief, but well-publicized disastrous trip to play football in Orlando and my fourteen-month visit to the Fountain Correctional Facility... also pretty well-publicized."

I stay silent for a moment, giving him time to come down from this rant... which is also very out of character for Hayden. When he's mad he's broody. This isn't mad... this is hurt and this is scared.

When he's finally silent I say, "I'm coming home. I'll tell them here that I have a family emergency and I'll get the next flight out."

"No." He says sternly. "You don' want to mess this up..."

"I could care less about messing this up. I want to be with you. You need me to be with you." I don't add that I need to be with him, and we both know this is about more than this phone call.

"No Georgia. You can't afford to just hop on a plane. You didn't come home when Max left and I know how much you wanted to be here. You'll never forgive yourself if you come now. I'm okay... I'll be okay." He corrects.

"Hayden..." I whisper, unable to say more.

"I'm okay. I just needed to hear your voice. But I'm just going to let this lie. You know, he obviously doesn't really want to find me, because I'm not all that hard to find, right?" He says.

"I don't want you to be alone tonight." I say because I don't know what else to say.

"I won't be. I'm going to throw some stuff in a bag and go sleep on Avery's couch."

I'm at least semi-certain he's lying to make me feel better, but I want to believe him so I go with it and say, "Promise me you will. I can't stand for you to be alone with this. Don't make me call Claire and rat you out because I will and then she'll show up on your doorstep with Tupperware and casseroles and..."

"Lots of crayon drawings and action DVD's." He continues with a hint of laughter in his voice. "I'm okay Coop. It just shocked me and it's weird. And I'm extra jumpy... but I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Hayden Nichols, you know good and well I will always worry about you and you will always want me to. That's one of the many ways we say, 'I love you'."

Hayden

It's been a week since the 4th and I'm happy to finally have an off day. It's a sticky-hot Saturday morning. I've just gone in for a swim and I'm heading below for a shower and then I'm meeting Avery and Carson to take out the boat and do some fishing. Just as I start below I see a car park next to my truck and a woman I don't know, gets out and starts toward me.

I step off the boat and start towards her. "Can I help you?"

"Are you Hayden Nichols?" She asks and just like last week I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Well... since your standing next to my home it would seem pretty obvious that I am. Is there something I can do for you?" I ask, crossing my arms defensively in front of me.

"I'm Abby Carroll, Abby Nichols Carroll. Your father was my younger brother."

I shake my head and turn to go but she steps toward me. "Hayden, please... I know you don't owe us anything, but please. If I could just talk to you for a minute."

I turn around and shrug. After a second she realizes this is the only invitation she's getting so she continues. "Hayden, I know that you have every right to hate all of us. Your father... he wasn't always the man that you knew, but that doesn't change what he did to you. He and my father fought... often; about his drinking, the pills and whatever else, his temper, his inability to keep a steady job. My father strongly opposed his marriage to your mother, not because of anything she did, but because he knew that Brad had cleaned up his act and convinced her that he would be a good step-father to your brother, but dad knew he was still using behind her back and it was just a matter of time before he ended up hurting her. At that time Brad cut ties with us. I tried for a while to contact him, but he just ignored us. He'd left Mobile and the last place we knew of him living was over in Theodore. My mom had early-onset Alzheimer and we were consumed with her for a number of years. Dad started trying again to find Brad, but we were busy with mom and long-term care. My kids were in school then and busy all the time and I just didn't have the energy to try all the time. I loved my little brother, but he had a way of making our family so unhappy. Anyway shortly after mom died, we got a letter that Brad had died around the same time."

She stops and I know the face that hides nothing has just given away my surprise. "You didn't know?"

"No." I answer sullenly. "I haven't seen or heard anything from him since a few weeks before my sixth birthday."

"I'm sorry to drop so many bombs on you at once. He died four years ago of liver cancer... exacerbated by his drinking, of course. When my father heard it he was devastated. Losing my mom and then finding out that, was too much for him. But now he's in the nursing home himself, congestive heart failure and he asked me to bring him the file on Brad that the PI he'd hired put together. That was two months ago, and that was the first time we ever knew that you existed." She said, as her eyes are filled with tears; eyes that look exactly like mine in a face that, like mine, doesn't hide her feelings at all. "Hayden, I'm so sorry that you've spent your whole life thinking you didn't have a family because if we'd known..."

"I have a family." I bite angrily. "I have a brother, and... a sister and a sister-in-law and nieces and nephews and foster parents and an amazing girlfriend and a best friend... lots of best friends. I have a family."

"I know." She says tearfully. "But we're your family too, and we want to know you. I'd give anything my mom could have known you."

I nod. "Yeah, when I wasn't even six-years-old and they came and got me from school and told me I wasn't going home anymore, or when I was nine and sleeping in row of bunk beds in a room with five other boys who were all older, and bigger, and meaner than me... a grandma and some fresh baked cookies would have been great. But I'm 21 years old now. I've lived through all of that and come out the other side."

"I'm so sorry..."

"If you want to apologize to someone, apologize to my brother. He's been trying to get me out of foster care since he was eighteen. He never had a normal life when he was in college or starting his career because he was too busy trying to establish good credit and work history and setting up home studies with social workers and hiring lawyers. His father has never seen his son because Avery still hasn't forgiven him for not taking me in when your brother beat the hell out of me and lost custody. I think knowing that I had grandparents and an aunt to help share that responsibility would have made a big difference in his life."

I watch my words hit her like physical blows and a part of me hates myself for it, but another part of me hates her; hates all of them for being there and for not being there for me.

She swallows hard and says, "You have every right to hate us, but we love you; just for being you, we love you. And it would mean the world to my father if he could just tell you that face to face, just once before he dies." She hands me a business card with an address for a nursing home in Mobile. "You know you have my eyes and you look so much like my mom, but you don't look anything like your dad... just so you know."

Avery

I should have made Hayden drive. At least if he was in the driver's seat, his hands would be occupied and he would stop fidgeted. But I know he's nervous. And I can't help but worry that this is a mistake, even if I was the one who encouraged him to do it.

A week earlier

I check my watch again and fire off an irritated text to Hayden. He used to be perpetually late, but since his parole he's been a poster boy for responsible behavior. But I guess I'd rather think he's lapsing into the bad habit of tardiness rather than that something has happened.

Just as I hit send I hear his truck pull into the driveway. I admire him for wanting to have a truck that doesn't remind him of his former glory days, but my God this one is loud. I make a mental note to remind him to check the muffler and yell at Carson and Fisher to come on... the fish are biting. But one look at Hayden coming up the walkway, tells me something has gone wrong.

"What's wrong?" I ask, meeting him in the driveway.

"Nothing. We'll talk about it later." He says, pulling away and heading toward my SUV. "Come on, the guys are waiting."

"The guys can keep waiting." I say, pulling him into the garage. "What is going on? You look like hell."

He's quiet for a minute before asking, "Do you remember anything about me having a grandfather... on the Nichols' side?"

I think about it a minute and then say, "Yeah, when he and mom were dating, I think we went to Christmas dinner at his parents' house. I hadn't even thought about that in years. What's this about?"

"A week ago some lawyer showed up and told me my grandfather was trying to find me. I ignored it, and then today some woman, claiming to be my aunt showed up and told me this grandfather is dying and wants to see me before he kicks off. Do things like this even happen in real life?"

"It would seem so." I say, encouraging him to sit down. "Okay, now start at the beginning and tell me exactly what happened."

He recounted the story about his meeting with his dad's sister and I can tell he's really upset, and who wouldn't be? The big brother in me wants to tell him to ignore it all. But instead, I ask him what he wants.

"I don't want to meet these people. I mean, why should I? He was their son. As bad as he was, they just let him go. They're no better than he was." He continues, "And what about you and mom? Why didn't they tell her what she was getting into? She married him and introduced him into your life and probably had no idea he had a history of drugs and who knows what else? That's unforgiveable."

"You're right. It was a terrible thing to do." I say, and I really want to leave it at that. But I can't because I know Hayden too well to think he could leave it at that. "But you know you have to meet him."

He's quiet for a minute, but finally says, "Why?"

"Because, if you don't you'll regret it. Someday it'll hit you that you never went and by then it'll be too late. I'm on weekends right now so my week ends Friday morning. You'll go after work. I'll go with you."

"They don't deserve this."

"So... give them better than they deserve. That's what it means to be the bigger person."

"Yeah, kind of like you and your dad who hasn't even met Andy yet?"

"It's not the same thing."

"No, this is your father who raised you and took you to football practice and bought your first car and sent you to college." He argues.

"You were my little brother... you were part of me. That should have been enough for him. And besides that, you were an innocent kid." I say, surprised by the force of anger that is still inspired by how my father refused to help me with Hayden.

"I was a kid whose DNA was predisposed to create druggies, and wife-and-kid-beaters."

"That's crap."

"It's not crap. Look, I get it. You're better than that. If God forbid, something happened to Claire, you'd fight to the death for Caity and Celia... and I'd be right there with you. But... you're better than most people. Deal with it."

I close my eyes and nod before saying, "We're better than most people. That's why we're going to see your grandfather."

Present Day

"I should have called first. There was a phone number on the back of that card. I should have called and made sure it was a good time to visit." Hayden says, staring out the window, and chewing his lip.

"You didn't want to call ahead because you wanted to be able to back out if you lost your nerve." I remind him.

He nods and continues to complain. "I hate nursing homes."

"When have you ever been to a nursing home?" I ask suspiciously.

"Oh please. If you're a kid at church, you get dragged to the nursing home at least once a year. I went with Caleb and I went every Christmas when I lived with the Carpenters till I was sixteen. Dana Carpenter puts out a picture at Christmas of me and Belle... she's on the front row singing with one of those round mouths, looks like one of the Charlie Brown kids. I'm in the back sulking."

"So... does anyone really like a nursing home?" I ask, not waiting for an answer. "You'll go in and see an old man. He'll tell you you've got the Nichols' eyes and he'll probably apologize, offer you a hard candy and you'll leave with a clear conscience."

He sighs. "What if he's disappointed in me?"

"He wouldn't dare." I argue, but then ask, "Why would you even think that?"

He shrugs. "You said you remembered their house... two-story, brick. Abby looked like she doesn't buy her clothes at Walmart. She's the oldest, but her kids are younger than me so you know... she probably went to college, had a career first. I'm just thinking; I'm a college drop-out who's already been to prison. What if he thinks I'm as big a disappointment as his son?"

"You're back in school and you went to prison for something a million other people would have walked away from with a slap on the wrist. You are a good person. Look..." I stop, feeling suddenly over-emotional. I swallow hard and continue. "Look at the way you've turned your life around. That's inspirational."

He nods, but I know he's still worrying.

"Listen to me. You're being the bigger person here, remember? If he's anything less than thrilled that you would grace him with your presence, just walk out of there and we'll never look back." I tell him with confidence. "Whatever happens, I've got your back."

James

"I hate tapioca." I say, pushing the cup away from me, and then cursing inwardly because even that much movement exhausts me.

"Tell me one thing you have against tapioca." Abby says irritably.

I hate this. My daughter is here every day, missing her kids high school years, missing out on teaching, which she loves. Her husband is one of the good ones; he's taking care of the kids and often has supper waiting on her when she gets home, but this isn't the life I wanted for her.

"Well for starters it's well too much like baby food." I grumble. "What's the chances of me getting something to drink? Some sweet tea would be delicious, with this... four-star meal."

"You know you're all maxed out on fluids right now. I think you can have more in about an hour." She says, taking the tapioca and eating it herself. "I'll go down to the nurses' station and see what the chances are of your getting some tea then. And maybe I can rustle up some chocolate pudding too."

"I'll be right here waiting." I say, as she walks out. I contemplate trying for the remote to see if there's anything better than "Wheel of Fortune", but it's on the far side of the nightstand so I end up leaving it be and closing my eyes instead.

The door opens within minutes and I say, "It must be bad news. Good news would have taken longer."

"Ummm, hello, are you Mr. Nichols?" An unfamiliar voice asks. I open my eyes and nod slowly.

"Hayden?" I ask, but it's not really a question. I've seen his picture and he looks just like Abby described him. Although in truth, I never believed I'd be seeing him live and in person.

"Yes sir." He answers cautiously, remaining at the door. "How..."

"It's the eyes."

He sighs. "Nichols' eyes?"

"Actually Banks' eyes. My wife had them and Abby and her son. I've also seen your pictures. I saw the newspaper clipping of you signing with UCF. You were one hell of player. I wish I'd known you then and could have seen it for myself."

"Thanks. They didn't think much of me in Orlando."

I grunt. "College is a tough transition. I dropped out after two semesters. Abby was ready to pack it in after one, but she was more afraid of her mother than she was of being homesick... and she was just in Tallahassee." I explain, and I can't miss how he's looking at me like he's seen a ghost. I know I'm pale and sickly and that makes young, healthy people uncomfortable, but I have a feeling he looks that way for another reason. "I'm sorry. I know I look just like him, and I'm sure that's uncomfortable for you."

He nods and laughs ruefully. "If you'd asked me before I walked in here, I'd have told you I didn't remember him at all; couldn't even conjure a memory of his face. But when I saw you... it came back to me. I wish I could tell you that was accompanied by good memories, but..."

"I know. I read your file; his file. There's..." I stop and reach for my oxygen. He quickly jumps to assist me and I take a few deep breaths and feel well enough to speak again, but he interrupts me.

"I didn't come here for you to apologize to me." He says and then quickly adds, "I don't mean that the way it sounds. I just mean, I know that no one chooses to have their kids turn out that way. I'm sure you made mistakes... all parents do, but if you'd known you were doing something that was going to turn him into the man he became you wouldn't have done it. You don't owe me any apologies. I figure you've been hurt enough by all of this."

He's standing next to me now, close enough to touch, so I take a chance and reach for his hand. He flinches a little, but doesn't pull away. "You might not want any apologies, but you're going to get one anyway. I should have done a million things different... starting with telling your mother the day I met her what she was getting into and by making sure that I kept up with her and your brother instead of letting her have my son and all his problems. It's inexcusable... but... I was relieved not to be responsible for him. Those were terrible years; he stole from us. We went to see Abby for a weekend and he broke into our house. He broke our hearts over and over again. But not telling your mother all of that is the worst thing I've ever done."

"That's probably true, but if you had done things differently, she might not have married him and then I wouldn't have been born so... it's hard for me to hold that against you."

"But if we'd been there... your grandmother and I would have never let you go into foster care. We'd have had you with us..."

"I'm not going to lie. I wished all the time that some long lost family would show up and take me away from there, but... if you had I would have turned out completely different. And I wouldn't have grown up in Grassland. My whole life is there. I've never wanted to live anywhere else." He explains rationally.

"You... shouldn't have turned out this well." I say because it seems illogical. I raised my boy right, and he turned out to be a drug addict and a drunk who beat his son. He lost his boy to the foster system and this well-mannered, decent young man stands before me.

"I guess, all things considered, I was lucky. I met the most amazing girl when I was in kindergarten, and I've never loved anyone else. In sixth grade I met my best friend Caleb, who has almost always kept me out of trouble. I went into a good foster family when I was twelve. And then when I was seventeen my brother was finally able to get custody of me. I was a bit of a superstar player in high school, which comes with a lot of pressure, but it also meant that I was like... family with everyone; my coaches, all the teachers, the boosters, everyone looked out for me. Being a Gator probably saved my life."

I am almost too choked up to speak, but I force myself to say, "Then I tip my hat to the Grassland Gators, and your best friend Caleb, your brother, your foster family and to the amazing girl who's the love of your life."

"Thank you." He says and something like guilt, passes over his face.

"I read that report too. You should have fought it harder. It was clearly self-defense." I assure him confidently.

He shakes his head. "No, it was me being a bully. That was the one thing I never wanted to be."

I sigh, and he hands me my oxygen again, but I refuse it, asking instead, "Do you remember anything about your father that wasn't bad?"

He doesn't respond for a long while, but finally he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I wish..."

"No." I say, holding up my hand, and then taking the oxygen. When I put it down again I say, "Now tell me everything you're doing with your life. Abby says you live on a boat? That sounds like something I'd have loved to do when I was your age."

I listen intently as he tells me about his classes at school and his job at the nursery, and how he and the owner are discussing his plans to expand the landscaping business. He tells me about Georgia and law school and it's obvious that not only does he love her, but he's incredibly proud of her. I hear about his nephew Andy and his nieces and Carson and Max and Belle. He tells me about the Carpenters and, despite my weak heart, I laugh out loud when he tells me about telling his foster dad that he was coming to meet me.

"Of course Avery was the one who encouraged me to come here, but Mr. Carpenter was completely against it. He told me you probably weren't even related to me. We probably had the same blood type and you were going to offer me some inheritance if I'd give you one of my organs. He's always been violently opposed to TV, but I think he's got a closeted Netflix addiction."

I shake my head and take several puffs on the oxygen before saying, "Well tell him I don't think that any inheritance would be enough since the organ I need is new heart." He looks a little startled, but I laugh and smack his arm and he relaxes again and laughs too.

Eventually he asks me about the rest of the family and I show him pictures of his cousins. Allison is sixteen and Ben is thirteen and will love to hear about him winning two state championships. I tell him about my wife, and I don't even mind that I cry a little bit. I tell him that I managed a furniture store and my wife taught third grade, and Abby teaches second. It's been over an hour when he stands up and I realize that he's about to leave.

"I should probably get going. Avery's in the lobby."

"He should come back here. I'd love to meet him." I say, but I'm barely managing to talk at this point.

Hayden shakes his head. "Next time."

I smile and pray that next time comes. We exchange a few pleasantries; we're not ready for hugs or declarations of love after all, and then he starts for the door.

When he gets to the door he turns back and says, "You asked me if I had any memories of my father that weren't bad and I wish more than anything that I could say yes. I'm sure as his father nothing I could say would mean more than that, but I don't. He was... an awful father to me. But I don't have any regrets about my life. Everything that happened made me who I am. And I'm the best me I can be... But I am really glad that I came here today. I would have regretted not meeting you."

Hayden

I walk outside and lean against the wall, feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I want Georgia... but at the moment I will happily settle for Avery.

I get to the waiting room and find Avery talking easily with Abby. She turns when I enter and crosses the floor and hugs me without asking. I don't mind that much.

"Hayden, thank you so much for coming. I know it wasn't easy..."

I shake my head. "No, I'm glad I came. And I'm so sorry about..."

"Shhh. Forget it. I know it was a terrible shock for you." She says, patting my arm. "I can't wait to hear what he has to say. I know he was so happy."

"We had a nice visit. But he seemed really tired so I went ahead and left. I helped him get his oxygen first though."

She nods. "I went down to the nurses' desk to get him something to drink. He's on limited fluid intake restrictions, but I don't want him to be miserable. Anyway, they told me you were here. I was so happy. I stayed out here so you could visit and I met your brother."

"I recognized her immediately." Avery explains, pointing to us. "The eyes."

I smile and nod, and so does she.

"I have been hearing all sorts of good things about you from your brother. You two are obviously very close. I envy that." She says, and I worry that she's going to cry, but then she shakes her head and continues. "I've already told Avery this, but I want you to hear me say to him how much we love him for the way that he has taken care of you. If we'd known about you, he never would have been in this alone, but I know we don't have to worry, because he's done such a good job with you."

To say I'm both uncomfortable and embarrassed is an understatement, but I hug her again anyway and promise to meet her husband and kids soon, and I assure her I'll be back to see her father... I'm still not comfortable thinking of him as my grandfather... sometimes the next week. We start for the door and I realize that I've just gotten more family.

We start out to the car and Avery elbows me. "Okay, fine. I'll take Andy to meet my dad."

I smile and say. "I'll go with you, if you want me to. And whatever happens, I've got your back."

Georgia

"I'm so proud of you." I say as I listen to Hayden recounting his story about meeting his grandfather. I was so worried that he'd get hurt, but it sounds like it went really well. He deserves this. "What did your P.O. say about it?"

"He was glad I took the chance. He says that forgiving other people will eventually lead to me being able to forgive myself."

"He doesn't think you've forgiven yourself?" I ask with concern.

"I guess not." He answers. "So when are you coming home?"

I sigh. "Three weeks. But I'm stopping in Charleston for the weekend. I have to catch up with Aimee."

"I think that's good. I hope you can meet... my grandfather when you come home. I think it would mean a lot to him."

"I hope so too." I say softly and I love him so much... Is this the same beautiful, reckless, boy who was so insecure that he'd go ballistic and break up with me if a guy even looked at me? How did he become someone who could find the best in the man who raised the man who beat him and willingly let him go into the system? I want to ask him these questions but he's so far away and I miss him so much, I don't know if I could bear his answer if I couldn't be with him. So instead I change the subject.

"So Max says you've written to him. That's so sweet." I tease.

I picture him rolling his eyes before saying, "I know how much letters mean. And he wrote to me and besides, I miss him."

"Seriously? He used to hate you." I say with a laugh.

"He had good reason. But we both love you an awful lot, so that... and five miles a day is our common ground."

"Are you still running?"

"I am, but it's not as much fun without him... with those long legs he ran so fast I had to push really hard to keep up. I don't know if I'm getting as good a workout without him."

I smile and then I ask, "So how's Belle? Do you think she misses him?"

"Oh God, she's like... pathetic. I keep thinking... do I look that pathetic to people because of how I miss you?"

"I'm sure you don't. Although I often times feel pathetic." I explain. "Do you really think she misses him?"

"What's this about?"

"I don't know. He loves her so much... I mean he really loves her. It's just hard for me to imagine anyone deserving him."

"Is this about the abortion?" He asks seriously.

I hold the phone for a long time because I hate to admit this out loud but finally I say, "I like Belle. I really do. And I believe that she cares about him and I feel so sorry for her because she's had such a tough time of it. But you didn't see him that night. My little brother was like... he was like a parent who'd lost a child. I've never seen anyone grieve like that before. And I know she was in a terrible situation, but... he's mine and she hurt him so much... and now she's just in love with him and it's all supposed to be okay, and... He loves her and you love her; she's like a sister to you, but she's the reason I broke up with you and she broke his heart and I just don't know... I don't know." I say sadly.

"I get that." He says. "I mean, I kept trying to think how I'd have felt if it had been us. And let's face it... we were fourteen. It's a miracle it was never us. How would I have gotten over that? I mean, you wouldn't have done what she did..."

"I don't know that. Like you said, we were fourteen. We tried to be careful, but come on. We were fourteen. By sixteen I was on the pill, but at fourteen... I don't know that I wouldn't have done the same thing."

"But not the way she did. You'd have told me. I'd have been with you." He insists.

I nod, even though he can't see me, and even though I'm not as confident as he is. "I know I'm not being fair to her. I really want to work this out with her."

"You will." He assures me.

"I need to go. I have to be in a meeting with a lobbyist tomorrow. I'm so excited." I say sarcastically.

"You should be excited." He scolds me. "I'm away from you every day. The least you can do is have an amazing time while you're there."

"I'll try." I say unconvincingly.

"I love you Coop."

"I love you too." I say and then add. "And another thing. You know what you said about how much letters meant to you?"

"Yes," He replies and I know he knows where this is going.

"Writing to you meant everything to me when you were in prison and it would mean even more to know that you actually knew what I'd said. I can't help but think about what your P.O. says about you not forgiving yourself yet. I think when you forgive yourself, you'll read them."

Jesse

My intercom buzzes on a Thursday afternoon and my receptionist says, "Mr. Carpenter, Hayden is here to see you."

Hayden dropping by uninvited, rather uncoerced, is reason to celebrate. I stand to greet him and he sits across from me, seeming far more relaxed and confident that he did, even a few weeks ago.

"So I haven't seen you in a while. How are things going with the new family members?" I ask trying not to sound jealous or judgmental.

"It's fine. I've been to see my grandfather... I'm still not comfortable with that term...once a week for the last three weeks. But yesterday he was really weak. We didn't really get to talk at all because it just wore him out."

I nod. I worried that Hayden was heading for heartache by letting these people back into his world, but I didn't think about how much it was going to hurt to lose someone he'd barely gotten back into his life. But at the same time I'm proud of him for opening himself up to them. There was a time when that would never have happened. I think he's learning to trust people despite everything.

"And when does Georgia get home?"

"She finishes the internship tomorrow and flies out right after. She's got a two-day layover in Charleston to see Aimee Asher and then she'll be home Monday... for almost a month."

I can't help smiling because it's impossible not to see how excited he is. I guess at the end of the day Georgia Cooper, and possibly her brother, are going to be a part of my family. "So do you think you two are going to work things out?"

He shrugs. "I wouldn't say things aren't worked out right now. They're just different. But before we were anything else, we were best friends. Turns out it still works for us."

I nod. "That's a good thing. I know you two have always had a tendency to be... too much. But at the same time, don't let fear hold you back. Sometimes the status quo is the best option, but sometimes it's just the safe option."

He looks at me a bit skeptically, and then smiles and nods.

"So what are the chances you two can get Belle off the couch and out of her pajamas? I know she misses Max, but these are the last few weeks before her senior year. She's missing out on everything." I add, genuinely worried about her. "It's like I told her, maybe Max is the one, but it's just as likely that they'll meet other people and she'll regret that she wasted her last summer before high school moping around the house in her sweats without makeup."

"Well I can tell you that was the wrong thing to say. All you did was voice all her worst fears about her future with Max. Now she's more convinced than ever that if she wants to be with him she has to hang on for dear life. Trust me, I've been there." He tells me. "I'll talk to her. I happen to have some experience with being the one left behind. I know how scared and insecure she feels right now."

"When did you get so sane and mature?" I ask with a laugh.

"I'm in two different kinds of therapy and my girlfriend is one year away from being a licensed social worker."

"Touché. So are you just dropping by or did you have a reason?" I ask.

"Actually I need your advice."

"Okay." I say though I'm secretly stunned. "What's going on?"

"It's about work. Since I've been back at the nursery I've seen that we turn down about 70% of the requests that we get for landscaping. Basically, Mr. Gregory started the landscaping side of the business just out of necessity and then once the nursery took off he was locked in with certain customers but he's never encouraged it. But I see a lot of growth potential." He explains opening a folder with several charts. "If we added three new crews and I supervised all of them plus the two we already have, with crew chiefs that report to me, we could meet the demand that is currently available, and have a much wider influence in the surrounding areas which would lead to more business... that's without even adding any additional advertising. I've worked with my instructor from school and he thinks that this projected growth is actually very conservative." He explains, pointing to the graph in front of me.

"Hayden I am sincerely impressed. You've done your homework." I say with obvious pride. "I guess the important question is what does Teddy have to say about this?"

"At first he wasn't really interested. But who can ignore numbers like this? He's really getting excited now and encouraged me to do more research. And of course he's been in my corner all along, but I don't think he's considering it just because he wants to help me."

"No. He's a businessman first and foremost. If he didn't think it was a valid idea, he wouldn't encourage you." I assure him. "So what do you need from me?"

"When I went to him with the idea, I was really just thinking of ways he could grow the business and hoping to maybe get a promotion out of it, but he seems to be looking at it as more of a limited partnership. Of course I don't have any start-up money..."

"Of course you do. How much do you need?" I state firmly.

He shakes his head. "That's not why I came here."

"Hayden, you'd lived with us for a year before you'd ask me to pass you the ketchup when we had french-fries. It was another year before you'd ask if you could have more ice in your tea. I'm confident that you didn't come here to ask for money. That's why I'm offering it."

"I appreciate that; more than you know. And I'm not saying I won't ever have to take you up on it, but Mr. Gregory told me to sit down and come up with a proposal for how we can have a partnership where he puts up the money and I put up the labor. My horticulture industry teacher put me in touch with someone from the business department and he worked up a proposal where I remain a paid employee, and over time instead of raises and bonuses, I get percentages of the business. I want you to look at what we came up with before I put it in front of Mr. Gregory."

"Teddy." I correct him.

"What?"

"Hayden, really, the polite football kid is endearing but if you're going to be a grown-up in business you cannot keep calling everyone Mr. It makes you sound beneath them. He's offering to be your business partner. You should call him Teddy."

"He has mentioned that a few times."

"Of course. Now let me see what you've got." I look over his proposal and I'm impressed. I make a couple of suggestions, reminding him that he could be looking to get married and start a family in the next half a decade. He doesn't need to put his share of the profits too far into the future. After a little more than half an hour we come up with a plan that I'm confident Teddy is going to jump at and one that I think Hayden will be able to really build a successful future with.

He gathers his portfolio and stands to leave.

"So when are you meeting with him?"

"First thing in the morning. We're having breakfast at the Bayside Café."

"You're going to do great. Let me know how it goes." I say, walking him to the door. "And call Dana and tell her what night we can expect you and Georgia for dinner next week."

"Yes sir." He says, with a genuine smile as he starts out the door. "And thank you so much Mr... Jesse. Thanks for everything."

The door closes and I smile and say to myself, "You are welcome son."

Aimee

"I'm so glad you're here." I say, as we sit down across from one another in the food court. We've spent the morning shopping and catching up, but no outing together would be complete without Georgia forcing me to eat something she knows will make me fat. Today it's Cinnamon & Sugar pretzels. She's amazed that a person could live in the world, and shop at the mall and not eat Cinnamon & Sugar pretzels with butter sauce?

"I didn't realize how much I'd missed you." I add truthfully.

"I know. Me too." She says and I can tell she means it.

"And I must admit it's so good to get out of the house... and have a real conversation."

"Well, what about school?" She asks, as we spread our food out on the table. "How many hours are you taking?"

"I took twelve in the spring and six this summer and I'm taking sixteen in the fall. But you know, I just go and come home. I'm not there to make life-long friends or anything. And I'm working part time at that preschool at church."

"And how are you really?" She asks pointedly. I know exactly what she's talking about, but I ignore her.

"I'm fine. I'm managing everything... I'm really happy."

"And Caleb?"

"I have no idea how Caleb is. You'd have to ask Caleb how Caleb is. I refuse to keep begging him to be a part of something he has no interest in." I say with more resolve than I necessarily feel.

"But if he..." She argues, but I quickly interrupt her.

"Georgia, I love you, but this is no longer open for discussion. Caleb has his life and he's happy with things the way they are. That's all there is to it." I say with a note of finality.

"I don't know that I entirely agree with you, but I've missed you and there's no point in arguing anymore so I'm going to change the subject." She says before adding. "I'm starving."

"So am I. You're such a bad food influence." I fuss.

"Don't be ridiculous. You look amazing." She insists.

"I look fat. I've got the freshman fifteen and then some."

"You do not... and you're not a freshman."

"True." I reply. "So, tell me about you and Hayden for real. We couldn't talk good last night. There's always too much going on."

"We're good." She says which draws a raised eyebrow from me. "Really, we are. I miss him like crazy and he's still finding his way back to normal, but we're still us. We've just got to settle in a little more."

"Is he really truly okay? I wrote him a few times, but... you know it just felt awkward." I say guiltily. I know I dumped a lot on Hayden and then stood by and watched as he ended up getting arrested. I hate myself for it, and I don't have to wonder how much of Caleb's refusal to talk to me stems from his belief that I'm solely responsible for putting his best friend behind bars.

"You know it was a lot harder than people realize, but Hayden's strong...stronger than even I knew." She answers and then goes on to tell me about his job, and school, and his new relationship with his dad's family. "And we... talk all the time. It's amazing. It's like we've always used sex to communicate... especially when we didn't know how to say what needed to be said. But the distance, along with the advice of his parole officer, have pretty much forced us to talk. It's forced us to grow and I think it's been really good for us."

She laughs and adds. "That doesn't mean that if he should finally make a move he's going to be getting any no's from me anytime soon, but..."

"Still a Hayden Slut?"

"The biggest Hayden Slut." She teases, just as her phone rings. She looks at the screen and smiles. "Speaking of Hayden."

She answers and I watch her face register surprise and then worry. I can tell something has happened and I can't help but be concerned. She clicks off and looks at me. "I'm so sorry. I'm going to have to leave early. Hayden's grandfather passed away this morning."
Hayden

I get to the nursing home at just before noon and I find Abby's husband Mike and their kids in the waiting room. He recognizes me immediately and tells me that Abby is in her dad's room and sends me back. I hesitate, but then I realize that I really do want to see her and find out how she's handling things and how it happened.

"Hayden, you didn't have to come all this way." She says, rising to embrace me. "But I'm glad to see you."

"I met your family out in the lobby." I tell her. "Your husband sent me back."

"Yes, they got here about an hour ago. I had to come back here and sign some things and talk to the coroner. I got here early this morning and they'd been trying to reach me. He died in his sleep." She says, beginning to cry again. "I don't know why I keep doing this. He was so ready to go. And he's with mama now. But..."

"He's your family." I answer for her.

"Exactly." She says, patting my arm and encouraging me to sit down. "Are you all right? I mean, I know you hadn't known him long, but..."

"I'm okay. And I'm relieved for him to be out of pain. When I saw him Tuesday he was really bad. But I was looking forward to bringing Georgia to meet him. He would have been crazy about her." I say truthfully, and for reasons that I can't explain my voice sounds thick even to my own ears.

"He would have loved that. So she'll be home this week?"

"Yes. She was supposed to be here Monday, but she's actually coming home early. She'll be here late tomorrow night."

"I look forward to meeting her." She says. "Mike and I have an appointment with the funeral home tomorrow at 11:00 to discuss arrangements. You're welcome to come with us."

I shake my head. "No... I mean if you need me I'll come, but I'd rather not. I'm sure you know what he would have wanted."

We talk for a few minutes longer and she invites me back to her house where people from her church are delivering food even as we speak. I decline, but I promise I'll bring Georgia and Avery and his family to dinner after the funeral.

"You know speaking of the funeral; I know one thing he would have wanted is for you to be one of his pallbearers. You and Ben... and he had some nephews he was close to. Do you mind?"

I nod, unable to speak for a minute, but I finally say, "It would be an honor."
Georgia

The sun is shining brightly and it's blistering hot at 3:00 pm, but the expression, "death is no respecter of persons" clearly extends to the weather.

"And girlfriends home on vacation." I think feeling small and petty. But I've hardly had a moment with Hayden and no time alone with him. I arrived last night and found that he was staying with Avery and Claire... Claire insisted. I ended up going to Aimee's parents. I know this is important and I'm so proud of the way he's stepped up and is supporting his family... on all sides, but the selfish part of me misses when I was his whole life.

And on top of everything Caleb showed up unexpectedly to pay his respects. Which means that even after we're able to break away from the family it'll be the three of us... and at the moment I'm not too thrilled with Caleb.

We all crowd in to hear the preacher at the graveside service, but there's no room under the canopy so I'm melting in a black sleeveless dress. Caleb is standing next to me in a suit and I know he must be roasting. Then Hayden, standing by the casket, catches my eye and I remind myself why I'm here... for him. I offer him an encouraging smile and just before he bows his head for the prayer I catch a glimpse of him smiling back at me. I feel immediately guilty for being such a brat. But more than anything I just want to be with him.

After the service Caleb and I join Hayden in his truck and we drive to his aunt's house where the meal is being served. Avery, Claire and Andy are behind us. I meet Abby and her family and she makes me promise that Hayden and I will come back for dinner before I leave for school. It's obvious that she already adores Hayden and it's a little startling how much she and her son resemble him. Her son is thirteen and clearly already thinks his new cousin is the coolest person ever. He has two state championships and drives a really loud truck. What's not to like?

We finally leave at just after seven and make the drive home. We pick up mine and Caleb's cars at Avery's, and Caleb insists that we all go to the Fish Basket and catch up. I have no desire to catch up with Caleb, and Hayden looks exhausted, but we go anyway and after a few minutes we're all laughing and talking. I love Caleb, and I hate being mad at him. I figure if Aimee can come to terms with things, I have no choice but to do the same. And even though Hayden looks tired, I know it's good for him to be with us.

We're on our second round of oysters... even though only a little more than an hour ago we were gorging on mac-n-cheese and ham and hash-brown-casserole... when Hayden finally tells us about his partnership in the soon-to-be-rebranded Gregory's Nursery and Landscaping.

"Look at you!" Caleb says enthusiastically. "Georgia and I are going to be busting our asses in college for years to come and you've already bought into your own business. Man, that is amazing. We need drinks for this. This requires a toast." He says, clapping Hayden on the shoulder and then signaling the waitress.

Caleb orders two beers and a Coke for me, but Hayden quickly corrects him.

"Make it two Cokes." He says and she makes the note and walks away. We both look at him curiously and he shrugs. "I'm not drinking anymore."

"Since when?" Caleb asks.

"Since... I found out that Brad Nichols died of liver cancer. Besides, I figure I'm lucky that I haven't inherited his alcoholic tendencies... yet. But I don't see any reason to tempt fate. I gave it up for fourteen months when I was in prison and I didn't miss it. So why not give it up completely?"

"Here-here." I say softly, and something passes between us that I can't describe, but suddenly I know that even with Caleb there, even with all of the family that have come into Hayden's life, we're still Hayden and Georgia.

It's after eleven when we finally make our way out to our cars. "So are you staying on the boat with Hayden?" I ask Caleb as we all walk out.

"No. I'm driving home for a few days before the new semester starts. My parents are getting pretty pissy about all the money they're spending to put a son through college that they never see. How 'bout you?"

I look at Hayden expectantly, but he doesn't say anything so I tell him I'm staying with Aimee's parents. He doesn't ask anything about her so I don't volunteer anything. We all say goodbye in the parking lot and go our separate ways.

I drive toward Aimee's parents like a woman on her way to the gas chamber. I know it's only one night. And I know Hayden's exhausted... mentally and physically. I also know that we've got almost a month together. He's introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend and he's told me about all the people who are expecting to see us, as a couple, while I'm here. I know I'm being ridiculous, but as I park my car in front of the Asher house I feel as lost and alone as I ever have.

Hayden

I should be in bed, even though I have the day off tomorrow... who knew there was such a thing as bereavement days? But I should still be in bed. I'm completely exhausted.

But I know before I lay down that I can't sleep. And I can blame it on everything in the world, but I know the reason I can't sleep is simple... because for two months I've been telling myself that once Coop got home I wouldn't be sleeping alone. And now she's home... and I'm still alone.

What's worse, it's my fault. She was waiting for me to make a move. When Caleb confirmed that he wasn't spending the night... after I told him under no circumstances was he allowed to spend the night... her eyes were practically pleading with me to invite her home.

But I chickened out... me, Hayden Nichols, who had sex with Georgia Cooper, the first time for us both, when were still fourteen-years-old. We were on the couch in her living room with her brother asleep down the hall. And I didn't need an invitation that night. I made the move and it never even occurred to me that she'd turn me down. Where's all that cocky confidence now when I really need it?

So here I sit, at midnight, on my boat deck in cut off shorts with my legs dangling in the water and thinking that I really wish I hadn't decided to stop drinking because the only thing that would numb the anger I'm feeling towards myself is a beer. And then a sound catches my attention and I turn... and there she is.

Georgia

He doesn't wait for me to meet him halfway, crossing the distance between us in a few quick strides and pulling me against him. He's not particularly gentle but at the moment I don't care. He crushes me against him and kisses me with almost two-years' worth of passion and need and I feel it every bit as much as he does.

He steps back and says, "I was so afraid you wouldn't come."

"We're Hayden and Georgia. Since when do you wait for an invitation?" I ask breathlessly.

He smiles and he looks a little unsure of himself. I've never seen that look in his eyes before... at least not at this kind of moment, and I'm reminded of everything he's been through and for one brief moment I'm a little scared too. Maybe too much has happened and too much has changed and it won't be like it's always been. But then he sweeps me up in his arms and starts toward the boat and I know that for the first time in far too long, we're both home.

Hours later, I wake up, just as light is beginning to peek out in the distance and I reach across the bed but I find that I'm alone. I panic a little but I go upstairs, wearing the tee-shirt that he'd given me in the night, and I find him up on deck. At first I can't tell what he's doing. I think he's just sitting on the deck watching the sunrise. I study him and I love the way he looks. He was always the most beautiful boy in the world, but this morning I recognize him for how extraordinary he is... for what an extraordinary man he's becoming right before my eyes. I walk to him and drop down beside him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder, and then I see what he's doing.

He looks up at me and I can tell he's been crying. He holds up a shoe box and says, "312 letters. I just read every word. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

I wrap my arms tightly around him and put my head on his shoulder. "Hayden, don't forget that I have always been just as lost and alone as you were. It's not what you did to deserve me or what I did to deserve you. It's how did we manage to find each other, when everything else in our lives was so hard?"

"When my P.O. told me that our relationship was too big, I didn't even know what he meant. But I've thought about it all summer and I've realized that, for so long I loved you because you were everything I had." Hayden whispers brokenly.

I nod and feel tears start to slide down my cheeks. "I know. I don't think I realized how much that was true until today when I saw you with all your family. I mean there was my beautiful orphan boy – with a brother and... let's call Jesse Carpenter what he is... a father and a sister and a sister-in-law and nephews and nieces and an aunt and cousins. And you've got this business and... I felt so jealous. I think the selfish part of me misses being the only person in your world."

He turns me toward him and holds me tightly. "I know exactly how you feel. Back in high school I was so sure that if you went out there in the world you'd see that you could have anyone, be anyone and that you'd realize fast and certainly that you didn't need me; that you could do so much better than me. When you came home from school that Christmas and you still loved me, still wanted me... that's the best thing that ever happened to me." He kisses me softly and says, "Don't you get it? This is so much better. It's so much better that I love you because you're the one, instead of because you're the only one. Because in case you were wondering, you are the one... the only one who could ever be the one."

"So are you." I say, still crying.

"So why aren't you happy?" He asks. "Cause I'm walking on air right now."

I try to laugh but it turns to a hiccupped sob and I say, "I'm asking myself the same question right now. But here's the thing... there's a part of us that will always be those little kids who didn't have anyone but each other so we hung on to each other for dear life because we didn't know any other way to love someone. But the trick is, to get to a point where that's the smaller part of us instead of the bigger part of us. You know I think you were there before you went to prison. You were good, but I was a mess."

"You weren't a mess." He argues.

"I was crying all the time. I couldn't focus on classes. I couldn't focus on anything. I was miserable when I was there and... I resented you when I was here because I wanted you... more than I wanted what I thought I wanted more than anything."

He smiles and I love him so much it's almost unbearable. He brushes the tears away from my face and says, "But it's because of what I just said. When you came back to me I knew... that you'd always eventually come back to me. But I was still this guy with no future and no direction other than you. Which meant that you were left to wonder if either I was always going to be this guy with no future and no direction. Or I'd get a future and direction and then..."

"You might not love me anymore." I say as the reality of it hits me.

"Before I went to prison I was coming to New Orleans to just be with you... because I wanted you to make your dreams come true and I knew how miserable you were so I was bringing myself to you. I could do that then. But now I can't... first cause it's a parole violation but also because being there, going to prison, it made me want more..."

"More than me?" I ask timidly, although I'm confident enough in us now to know that's not what he means.

"More for you. I want to be more for you... for us and for me." He explains.

"I love you exactly ..." I begin, but he interrupts me.

"And I love you for that, but me telling you I loved you when you were a waitress at the fish basket doesn't mean I'll love you any less when you're an attorney. And it didn't make you want it any less either."

"If anything it made me want it more."

"That's exactly how I feel. I want to do something with myself for us, for our future ... because if you love me enough to stick through all of this, then I must be worth more than I thought." He says, looking down with a little embarrassment.

"Hayden you are worth everything to me... more than 10 law degrees from any school anywhere or trips to Europe... you're everything."

"I won't let you quit Coop. You've worked too hard and I won't be the reason that you don't do everything you set out to do. But I can't follow you... not now." He tells me, forcing me to look him directly in his eyes. I don't see any of the fear or hesitation I saw last night. Today his eyes are filled with love and confidence... not the cocky-confidence of our youth, but the confidence of a man who's fought his demons and is finally making his way in the world.

"I love you Hayden. There's no future that I want that doesn't include you and me. I didn't start this to go to Washington DC and that's not what I want. But I do want to finish what I started. And I can't live through three more years of feeling like I felt for those months that I was there and you were here...everyday missing you, counting the minutes till I saw you; resenting everything who kept me away from you and resenting you for making me love you so much..." I say, suddenly clinging to him as all the tears I've been too afraid to cry for the last year and half come out at last.

He holds me against him while I cry and finally when I'm just snubbing against his chest he takes my chin in his hand and urges me to face him. "A few months ago you told me if our relationship was too big for me right now, that you'd be my friend. You'd be whatever I needed you to be. Coop, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right here, building my business and waiting for you. So go and make your dreams come true. I know that you'll come back to me eventually."

I pull his lips to mine and I kiss him as the sun shines brightly overhead. Then I lean back and say, "But just to clarify, this being here waiting for me thing doesn't start until I leave for school in three and a half weeks right?"

He laughs wolfishly and pulls me to my feet and starts dragging me toward the cabin. "I also think I told you that if I touched you, we weren't leaving this cabin for a month. That is definitely still true."

Hayden

"So when is Georgia leaving?" Abby asks me after dinner. Georgia and I have been to eat with them twice since the funeral. At the moment Georgia is being monopolized by Allison who wants to hear everything there is about college out of state and her summer in DC. Abby took the opportunity to pull me into the den.

"The first of next week." I answer, trying not to think on it. We're not talking about it, but I know when she goes she's going to try to throw herself into it full steam which means she won't be home every weekend. There'll be no more staying until Monday morning and then driving back with bleary eyes, too tired to even care what her professors are saying.

"Well if you need anyone to keep you company, we'd love to see a lot of you. You can come have dinner on the nights you have class when school starts back."

I smile and answer truthfully that I'd like that.

"I have some things I want you to have; things dad would have wanted you to have."

I shake my head. "Abby, I barely knew him. That stuff should go to Allison and Ben."

"You were his first grandchild and you made him so happy for the last few weeks of his life. He wanted you to have these things." She insists.

She starts with a Bible. "He had three Bibles, one that he got when he was baptized, one when he graduated from high school and one when he and mom got married. She carried it in their wedding. We want you to have it. Ben was just recently baptized, so I'm giving him that one and I'm saving the other for when Allison graduates next year."

I open the faded Bible with his name etched on the front. Inside is his and my grandmother's birthdates and their wedding date, and my father and Abby's birthdates, Abby's wedding date, Allison and Ben's birthdates and then mine... added recently, but still a part of it.

"This means so much to me Abby. Thank you." I say, feeling more emotional than I'd expect.

"I also have a box of pictures and some newspaper clippings about the furniture store. There are some pictures of your father in there. I know you have nothing about him, but terrible memories." She says, and she stops to swallow, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "But he was my little brother and he wasn't always the man who hurt you. That's what drugs and alcohol did to him."

I take the box and she says, "There's also a monogrammed handkerchief with dad's initials. I know people don't carry them anymore but he had several. I wanted you and Ben to have one."

"Abby this is all really great. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you found me and brought me into the family. It really means a lot."

She smiles and nods and hands me an envelope.

"What's this?"

"The day after dad met you, he told me that our family might have let you down, but the one good thing we'd done for you was to leave you in Grassland... that it was more than home to you. It was your family. Mom and dad weren't rich, but they worked hard and were smart with money. They had a nice amount to leave behind... it would have been divided between Brad and me."

"Abby, no. I don't want any money. That's never why I came." I say, feeling panic because that wasn't what this was supposed to be about.

"That's what dad said. He said you'd never take money, so I'd have to find a way to give you something you couldn't turn down." She nods at the envelope. "Open it."

I reluctantly tear open the flap and there inside, with my name on it, is a deed. "I don't get it."

"He wanted to give you a piece of Grassland. I found a half acre lot on Coden Bay road. You can dock your boat there until you can afford to build a house. It's barely in the city limits but it is, so your sons can grow up to be Grassland Gators."

I stare at her, then at the paper, and then back to her... unable to fully comprehend what this means. "I don't... even know what to say."

"I'll tell you what to say. Say, 'Aunt Abby, you have a standing invitation to come swim off of my property anytime.' How's that sound?"

May 2012

"So explain this to me again. You're together... I mean, you're still in love, but you're not... like together, together right now?" Max asks, as he spreads grout in the bathroom downstairs.

"Max, since we're talking about your sister, I'm not clarifying this anymore for you than to say, I love Coop and she loves me. We're together... we're going to be together. But we're giving each other space to do what we need to do."

"But she graduated from law school a week ago." He argues.

"I know. I was there and you were with me."

"So where is she now?" He asks.

I shrug, but I don't answer because... the truth is I can't. But I still believe that she's coming back to me... I just wish she'd do it already. "Why is this so important to you?"

"Because Belle is going to San Francisco this summer." Carson answers for him, and Avery smacks him. They're in the hall finishing the last coat of paint.

It took me a little more than a year before I got brave enough to start buying supplies because I was sure the second I made a large purchase the business would go belly-up but eventually I pulled the trigger on lumber and more and the business continues to thrive, consistently exceeding our projections.

It's mostly been me and Avery building it, but Max – now that he's out of the marines and in school - comes home from Ole Miss when he can and Carson is here every other weekend in the spring. Caleb's life is about 99.5% settled in Nashville, but he's been here a few times and he helped build the deck off the master bedroom. Abby's husband and Ben have helped a little bit, and Jesse and Teddy. Even Andy and the girls have all taken turns swinging the hammer, just so they can say they were part of it.

All in all, it's really come together pretty quickly and without incident. I've been in the house for six months now, even while we continued to finish things, and every day that I wake up and look out my window at the view of the bay, I can't believe I live here.

"Belle and I are just not handling this long distance thing well at all. We never have, but it's worse now. I'm just trying to get some feedback." Max explains.

"I've got feedback. Do like Torie and I did. Break up and if it's meant to be, you'll get back together." Carson argues.

"Yeah, but you haven't heard from her in like a year dude. I'm thinking maybe you should accept that it's not meant to be." Max replies and Carson looks irritated, but the wedge that was once between these lifelong best friends has been replaced by the healthy bickering of guys who know each other almost better than they know themselves.

"Okay guys, knock it off." Avery scolds, sounding every bit the father that he is... to Caity, Celia and Andy as well as these two, whether they'll admit it or not. Then he turns to me. "Little brother, I think that if Max ever stops yapping and lays that last piece of tile, this house is officially finished."

Avery's right and they leave me alone to go about their Saturday night plans. I want to celebrate, but I can't help but miss Georgia. She's the only important person in my life who hasn't been out here... not since the house started taking shape anyway. She's stayed here on the boat, but she's never seen the house.

Since my parole was lifted a year ago, we've split holidays and breaks between Grassland and Tuscaloosa. It's always great and I have no reason to think that anything's changed except that like Max said, it's been over a week since graduation and she's still not here.

Georgia

I push open the door to the large warehouse at Gregory's Nursery and Landscape and find him, moving bags of fertilizer and flower pots. He looks incredible. The years haven't aged him in any way that hurt. His hair's still long, but not quite as long as it once was. But even his body language tells me he's different... better. Gone is the defeated slump of his shoulders. It's his business after all. Everyone knows that the name on the door might say Gregory, but it is what it is because of Hayden.

"I thought you owned the place now. You can't hire someone to sling fertilizer bags?" I tease from the doorway.

"I thought I locked that door." He says, turning slowly, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I might be a big time lawyer, but you know there was never a locked door or window that could keep me away from you."

"I don't remember ever trying to lock you out, but I do recall that you were always pretty good with a hairpin." He says with a small smile, but there's a distance in his voice that I'm not used to.

The past three years have been harder than either of us knew they would be. We've seen each other during Christmas and a few weeks in summer, but I had to work in Tuscaloosa and being a clerk with a law firm wasn't a Monday through Friday job. And with his business booming twelve months a year, we've just not been together that much. Time apart has dulled the connection that we've always had. And I guess the fact that I waited a week to come home after graduation hasn't helped matters.

"By the way, you did lock the door, but it didn't catch completely." I explain.

"In answer to your question, yes I normally have people to do this, but we're too busy during the week right now to spare them. So what brings you by tonight?"

"I just got into town. I was about to call you and see if you wanted to meet me somewhere, but I drove by and saw your lights on so here I am." I say with a shrug. "By the way, I like the new truck a lot."

"Thanks. I still have the old one for dirty work." He explains, reaching for my hand. "Give me a few more minutes here?"

I nod and wait while he finishes working, walking around looking at everything. When he's finished, we leave in his truck, and we don't talk about where we're going but I'm not surprised when we turn toward his land. My first view of the house takes my breath away. It isn't the biggest or the best, but it's... him and it's exactly the way I've pictured it in all of my dreams... dreams that include a pack of long-haired-little-boys playing football in the yard.

"I love it." I breathe, unable to say more.

"I hoped you would. I thought you would." He whispers.

"You knew I would?" I tease.

He grins. "Yeah. I did." Then his smile fades and he adds, "I just wish I knew why you've gone to such lengths to avoid seeing it before now."

I reach across the front seat of the truck and touch his face. "Do you know how much I wanted to be here with you... picking out tile and paint colors and... just watching this place come together... with you. The only way I was able to stay away was... to stay away. The same way I had to stay away from you." I explain sadly.

"And now?" He asks, and the question hangs in the air for several seconds.

We both lung across the seat at the same time and we're kissing hungrily and pulling at clothes as he pulls me into his lap.

"I think we used to be better at this." I tease, as the steering wheel digs into my back, but I continue to touch him with a desperation that has more to do with my feelings than the long drought.

"The old truck was made for this... huge front seats." He laughs. "Wait, wait, wait. I don't want this."

"Seriously, am I losing my touch?" I ask, not adding that all evidence contradicts his words.

"You know better than that. I just mean, we've waited a long time. I want you in our house this time."

"Our house?" I say dreamily.

A few minutes later we're in the house and my mouth is hanging open.

"If there's anything you don't like we can change it... paint, tile, hardware." He assures me as I walk around in awe.

"Oh God, it's so beautiful... all rustic and manly outside, but inside... warm and gorgeous." I laugh and turn to face him. "Oh God, it's you."

He actually blushes and I laugh out loud as I continue to walk from room to room. "How many bedrooms are in here?"

"Five. Three down here and the master and a smaller one are upstairs."

"Planning on having your own football team Nichols?"

He grins and shrugs "I want a place where everyone can visit us. Max, Belle, Caleb, Aimee... whoever." He rationalizes, but I know how crazy he is about Avery and Claire's kids and I can't miss the smile that crosses his face as I turn to go upstairs.

He lets me go alone and explore without him for a moment. He had to know I'd swoon over the master bathroom with the Jacuzzi tub and walk in shower, and that I'd take one look at the giant his and hers closets and know that those closets were designed with me in mind and not his miniscule wardrobe. And he knew I'd know that the small room across the hall was waiting for someone who wouldn't be a guest in this house, but the first part of our family.

When he finally joins me I'm standing on the deck looking out at the bay... in a home without wheels as close to the water as possible. There are tears in my eyes when he joins me, slipping his arm lightly around me, in a way that offers nothing more than warmth and acceptance.

"Do you know why I waited a week and a half to come home?" I ask softly.

"I think so, but I'd like you to tell me."

"It's the same reason I never came here. All those years ago when we sat on Avery's boat and promised forever, I was lying... I mean, I wasn't really lying because I wanted forever with you, but I wanted all those other things first. But there've been times when I was so close to walking away from everything I had worked for. I knew that didn't I want that, but I also know it's not what you'd want for me. I loved you for being proud of me for going to college. So I put up walls and I didn't let myself think about any of it because I couldn't. And I knew that if I came here and saw this place, saw you in this place... I would have never been able to leave you... even long enough to graduate. But when I finally did graduate, I had to be 100% sure that there were no more dreams to make happen out there before I came home to you... And that's when I realized that all of my dreams are still unfulfilled because my dreams... my real dreams, are the dreams I have for us."

"Tell me what your dreams are." He says, stroking his hand across my cheek.

"I want to have a career that I love and can be proud of, and to raise little Grassland Gator linebackers and maybe a nerdy girl or two, and grow old with you in this beautiful house that you built yourself. And I want all of our friends and family to come home to visit us here and see that we, the last two people anyone expected it from, that we made it... together."

He grins and his face is so open and hopeful it almost hurts to look at it, except this time I know that his hope is based in the reality that we're finally together. He drops to one knee and I realize what's coming next and I'm crying before he pulls the velvet ring box from his pocket. "Georgia Grace Cooper, will you marry me?"

"Hayden James Nichols... I was starting to think you'd never ask."

Return to Grassland

As teenagers, an uncharacteristic fling altered the lives of Belle Carpenter and Max Cooper forever. They decided right then that it was for the best if they never saw one another again. Instead they fell in love.

Now they're back in Grassland, out of college, working at the careers of their dreams and Belle is planning the wedding of the year... to someone else.

But in a town known for a tradition of winning, Max isn't about to accept defeat; especially when Belle's putting up such a poor defense.

With the help of Max's meddling sister and Belle's protective older brother... not to mention her dad, his surrogate parents, his former QB and fullback best friends and her college roommate... is there any chance that this all-state wide receiver turned coach won't score with the former head cheerleader?

Everyone in Alabama knows there's no stopping a Gator when he knows what he wants, and that's never been more true than when high-school sweethearts Return to Grassland.

Coming Christmas 2016

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