Life is weird.
Now I have this friend and she's a girl.
But do You realize the order of those sentences?
That's what I don't like, You know.
Because, see, I 'like her' like her
but she doesn't 'like me' like me.
And that's a tough position to be in, you know,
Being in love with someone who only sees you as a friend,
It's like being stuck at a red light traffic signal
without a timer.
You're just sitting there like, "how long do I wait here?
Why the fuck am I stuck next to this guy?
Why is he breaking the law but no one's stopping that guy?
You get pissed, you know.
It's like wanting to take a u-turn in a straight road
that has a divider in the middle of the road.
There's no traffic.
But because that small piece of shit, you have to continue going down this road.
Even though the place you want to go is in
the completely opposite direction.
I'm glad! You are the only one related to that ma'am.
What? you guys? none of you related to that situation?
Dude, I can see your faces! I'm not the only ugly motherfucker here, OK.
Be honest about this.
Open up.
I think the best analogy I can come up with this is,
you know, most bakeries in Bangalore
are apparently run by Malayalees for some reason.
yo! that's not the joke dude.
I have nothing against malayalees.
To be very honest, I love malayalees.
Dude, malayalee women especially are
gorgeous!
Dude, they're really pretty, you know.
But the annoying part is,
I've noticed it's also the malayalee guys who have the most sex wherever they go.
Dude, Kerala is actually God's own country man.
the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away man! I swear.
This has nothing to do with the race,
you know, it's just the bakeries.
You go to these bakeries and they all have this one cake.
It's a completely delicious looking cake.
Completely... coconutty and jaggery filled, it looks delicious,
but I've never seen anyone buy that cake.
Now I'm like, "oh my god, I'm that cake!"
Starts fucking (with your head).
Dude, being friend-zoned is like being the moon, you know, the moon is going around the earth
but the earth is fucking going around the Sun.
And I think that relationship is not working
because maybe the moon is a lesbian.
Just think about it, the moon is always referred to in feminine,
Mother Earth is clearly female,
Sun is hot and gassy, clearly a dude.
Right, It's either that or
our entire solar system is basically the plot line to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.
Johnny Lever is Saturn in the background doing the hula hoop.
Pluto is that little Punjabi kid who's like,
"Am i in the movie? Am I not in the movie?
why do I keep popping in and out?"
