- HELLO, LESHAUN.
HELLO, CAROUSEL.
- OOH, SAMMY, CAROUSEL
HAD ANOTHER PREMONITION.
- OH, WHAT WAS IT THIS TIME?
- SHE SAYS AN OSTRICH
IS GOING TO ESCAPE
FROM THE ZOO TODAY.
- NOPE, SHE HEARD THAT
ON THE NEWS LAST NIGHT,
SO THAT'S A THING THAT ACTUALLY
HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE ALREADY.
- OKAY, WELL,
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, GO MAKE DADDY
SOME CHAMOMILE.
LET'S GO. MM.
COME ON, GO AROUND.
USE THE FORCE.
THERE YOU GO.
- LESHAUN.
LESHAUN, I JUST GOT THIS LETTER
FROM MY INSURANCE COMPANY.
IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE OFFICIALLY
ON THE SAME INSURANCE.
- WHAT?
- YES.
- [screams]
- YES.
- SAMMY, WE DID IT!
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I MEAN, WE'RE FINALLY
NOT GONNA BE TREATED
LIKE SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS.
- OH, MY GOD, I WANT TO SEE,
I WANT TO SEE, I WANT TO SEE.
I WANT--NO, DON'T SHOW ME.
JUST TELL ME.
WHAT ARE WE COVERED?
WHAT ARE WE COVERED?
HOW ARE WE COVERED?
- IT'S GOOD INSURANCE.
WE GET DENTAL AND--
- DENTAL!
OH, MY GOD, MAKE ME
AN APPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW, SAMMY.
- NO, LESHAUN,
YOU GOT TO TAKE IT--
- I'M GONNA GET A RUBY FILLING
AND A FANG FOR APPLES.
- A FANG?
- YES, A SINGLE, SOLITARY FANG
FOR TRICKY FRUITS
AND BOTTLE CAPS.
- YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THAT'S
KIND OF AN ELECTIVE PROCEDURE,
WHICH MEANS IT WOULDN'T BE--
- OH, MY GOD.
WELL, I'M GOING TO PROCEED
TO ELECT THE FANG
THE PRESIDENT OF MY MOUTH.
- OKAY.
- AND THEN I'M GOING
TO GET MY VOICE "LOUDENED"!
- VOICE "LOUDENED."
- YES, SO I CAN...
♪ TALK TO BIRDS ♪
- ALL RIGHT,
SO, WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF WE'RE GOING TO FIND A DENTIST
WHO CAN DO THAT.
ALSO, IT'S NOT COVERED
IN THIS INSURANCE
BECAUSE IT'S THE BASIC...
- UH-HUH, YEAH.
- DENTAL AND VISION.
- UH-HUH.
VISION!
DID YOU SAY VISION?
OH, MY GOD.
- I DID SAY VISION.
- SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY,
SAMMY, SAMMY, WHAT?
SAMMY, WHAT? SAMMY!
- THAT IS MY NAME.
- I'M GONNA HAVE ONE CONTACT
THAT LOOKS LIKE A CAT EYE
AND ANOTHER CONTACT
THAT LOOKS LIKE A CAT'S FACE
THAT'S MISSING AN EYE.
- YOU DON'T WEAR CONTACTS.
- I'M GONNA HAVE A THIRD EYE
THAT LOOKS LIKE THE LETTER "I,"
AND IT'S GONNA BE IN MY EYE,
AND I'M GONNA BE LIKE,
"I...SEE YOU."
- [sighs]
LESHAUN...
YOU DON'T WEAR CONTACTS,
SO THERE'S NO REASON--
- WELL, I'M GOING TO NEED
TO WEAR CONTACTS
WHEN I HAVE MY EYEBROWS REDID
BECAUSE THEY SAY
THAT KIND OF PROCEDURE
WILL "SCRUMPLE" THE CORNEAS.
- YOU'RE NOT GETTING
YOUR EYEBROWS REDID, REDONE...
- MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
- UNDONE, DONE.
- I'M GONNA HAVE 'EM
SWITCHED ON MY FACE,
SO WHEN I GET MAD,
I LOOK DELIGHTED!
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT INSURANCE
IS ONLY
FOR REAL MEDICAL PROBLEMS?
AND EVEN THEN,
WE HAVE A DEDUCTIBLE.
- I'M GOING TO DEDUCT
THE FAT FROM MY ASS
AND PUT IT IN MY "FANGLES,"
SO WHEN I WAVE,
I LOOK LIKE MICKEY MOUSE.
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN TO WHAT
I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW.
- WHAT?
- INSURANCE IS NOT FOR YOU
TO HAVE THE BOTTOM HALF
OF YOUR BODY CUT OFF
AND YOU SEWN TO A HORSE
SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A...
both: CENTAUR
- OH, MY GOD, SAMMY,
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
- IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA BECAUSE
YOU'D DIE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.
- OH, IT'D BE WORTH IT, SAMMY.
IT WOULD BE SO WORTH IT.
SAMMY, PLEASE,
TELL ME I CAN.
- I KNOW THAT YOU WANT
TO DO THAT, BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT COVERED
BY THE INSURANCE.
- OH, SAMMY! COME ON!
- IT'S NOT--
- WHY YOU GOT TO BE THE '80s
TO MY DISCO RIGHT NOW?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO, HMM?
- I'M NOT TRYING--
- YOU DON'T. THAT'S THE ANSWER.
YOU DON'T.
- I'M JUST TRYING TO BE
THE REALITY TO YOUR DEMENTIA.
- I'M GONNA
HAVE TWO STOMACHS!
I'M GONNA GET ANOTHER STOMACH.
ONE FOR CHERRIES
AND ONE FOR CORN.
- OH, MY GOD.
- THAT'S RIGHT, SAMMY.
I'M GONNA GO
TO COUPLES THERAPY ALONE
AND JUST PLAY BOTH PARTS.
- YEAH.
- I'M GONNA
GO TO THE GYNECOLOGIST
AND JUST ASK QUESTIONS
TILL I GET IT.
OH, AND I GOT
ANOTHER QUESTION--
A FEW QUESTIONS
ABOUT HOW MANY DIFFERENT PARTS
OF YOUR BODY
YOU CAN MAKE BLINK.
'CAUSE I WANT TO GET
MY "EARLIDS" DONE
AND THEN MY FOOT POCKETS.
FOOT POCKETS ARE THIS INVENTION
I'VE BEEN THINKING OF...
[hardcore metal music playing]
WHERE YOU CAN JUST PUT...
YOUR KEYS
UP BY YOUR ANKLES.
THEN I'M GONNA HAVE A COASTER
PUT IN MY SHOULDER,
SO WHEN I GO TO A BAR,
I CAN SAY,
"YOU WANT A DRINK ON ME?"
AND THEN I'M JUST GONNA
BE, LIKE, A MONSTER,
AND THEN FOR HALLOWEEN,
I'M GONNA DRESS UP
LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.
[cheers and applause]
- THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
