Bulbasaurs are dogs with flower pots on their
backs.
They’re mostly cynical and grumpy, but they
warm up to you if you water them well.
Like every Pokemon, they have their own strengths
and weaknesses.
Bulbasaurs are strong against water, ground,
and rock types, but are weak against fire,
flying, bugs, lawn mowers and garden shears.
They hate being touched.
They’re often moody and prefer being alone.
They resent you for telling them you were
busy that one time because you were on an
important conference call.
Training them is like raising spiteful teenagers
with vines for arms.
Once they reach a certain age, they evolve
into Ivysaurs.
The bulbs start to blossom and their fangs
become more pronounced.
Ivysaurs are less temperamental than before,
but they still hate you for neglecting them
when they were younger.
Naturally, you both grow apart and become
strangers living in the same house.
You don’t recognize any of its friends.
It actively avoids you even though you make
more effort to cater to it.
The hollowness you feel inside grows deeper
and deeper.
Eventually, Ivysaurs grow up to become Venusaurs.
They become huge and the flowers on their
backs blossom completely.
It leaves home in order to take charge of
its own life and you succumb to loneliness.
Venusaur falls in love with another Venusaur,
or a Ditto pretending to be one.
Their mating ritual is a bit cumbersome: it
involves pollinating the female Venusaur’s
flower with some help from Butterfrees, Beautiflies
or Beedrills.
Years later, Mega Venusaur comes to visit
you out of the blue.
You two talk about the past and apologize
profusely about the way you treated each other
before.
It hugs you.
You hug it right back.
Tears stream from your eyes as both of you
hold each other tightly.
You wake up alone in a house that’s been
empty for far too long.
You look at the framed picture next to your
bed and reminisce about the past.
Words escape you as you cry yourself to sleep
again.
I’m Gary Oakland Raiders and this has been
another Pokemon Phax.
Stay tuned for more factual Pokemon facts.
Have a wonderful Pokemon day.
