

AGAPE~The Triangle

Published By: Precious Seeds Media Group,LLC at Smashwords

Copyright 2006 by Darryl Montague

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ISBN: 9780976584360

The Triangle

Chapter_One_Infatuation

Chapter_Two_Authentic_Dialogue

Chapter_Three_Secrets

Chapter_Four_The_Gift

Chapter_Five_Disclosure

##  The Triangle

##  Chapter One: Infatuation

foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction

##  Robert

It was a cold evening in January and the snow had been falling all day. It covered the ground like a thick white blanket. The trees were limped with icicles. The air was brisk, but the evening was calm. Everyone had left the office for the day. The building was dark; all accept the dim light in the office where I sat listening to the sounds of soft jazz and soaking my heart. I had not learned how to deal with my breakup from Tiffany. I was lonely and felt empty. My heart seemed like an empty hull of a cargo ship contaminated with bitterness. I believed I would spend the remainder of my life with Tiffany. She was the woman I wanted to share all of my hopes and dreams. It often felt as if I loved her more than breathing. Many nights I would rest in my bed struggling to keep my mind from thinking of her. There would be moments when I would reminisce of her perfume and my stomach would cramp so badly that it felt like knots were forming. My friends had warned me against giving my heart to her without any hesitance. But, I would always say to them that it was no good to share or offer love without wanting to take a risk. I told them that the beauty of sharing the heart is being able to expose and release the most vulnerable and sensitive areas of who we are. However, I've learned there is also a consequence for daring to love so boldly. When it is all done and the person you've shared your life decides that you are not the person to share their life, it feels as if you are abandoned in a world with no lifeline, little hope, and a heart ripped to shreds. Each day, the weight of loneliness would lay heavy on my shoulders. I felt a worthlessness, and distance from everything where I was once apart. Every day I prayed for God to place some relief in my life so that I could once again feel loved. I prayed that God would send Tiffany back to me.

Then one evening while driving in the snow I decided rather than going home from work and face the cold white walls that laughed at my pain, I would go dancing and try to forget all the things Tiffany and I used to share. I would not think of the days we would sit in the kitchen talking and laughing or in the gazebo outside my condo sharing intimate secrets. I would not think of the days where we cuddled so close that I could feel her heart beating within me. No, I would not do that at all. I would allow the sound of music to soothe me, while I cast away my sorrows in a dance.

##  Serena

I've had several men in my life—all of them wrong of course. I'm the kind of woman who wants to love, but every time I give my heart, it gets broken. I got married when I was twenty. Back then, everything seemed so perfect, but I've since learned that love changes. By the age of twenty-three, I was divorced, and at that time, I had lost a lot of the giddiness of love that consumed that better portion of my life. In many ways, I gave up on love. I gave up on men. And at one point, I felt like giving up on life. Of course, I continued to search for that one perfect man only to understand that there was no such man. Now I am thirty-one with two children, and we live in a world where men aren't welcomed.

I feel as if all I need are my children. Many nights I have sat lonely staring into the eyes of my bedroom gray-colored walls, remembering my girlish childhood. I can see the smiles I used to share. There are many instances where I would remember my friends and I would talk about the men we would marry. In our minds, they were always the princes that came to sweep us off our feet. I carried that thought with me for a very long time only to find myself exposed to struggles and painful physical and emotional abuse. It was at that moment I decided I wouldn't search anymore for any man because a man could never provide me with the type of love I needed. What man could ever fit up to the expectation of fully giving himself without worrying if his manhood would be destroyed by his sensitivity? Could there ever be a man who could put away the lust of his desires to be with a woman for the hope of true joy? What man could lose himself in the concept of love and be steady enough to avoid becoming consumed with how society viewed him? What man could give up the need to please his own desires and surrender his heart without any hesitation? If he was ever out there, I've never met him. Therefore, I stopped looking and believing that type of man existed. My home had become my refuge, my children were my comfort, and in my mind that was all I needed.

Then one night, my girlfriends got tired of me wasting time at home and asked me to go out with them dancing. So I did. That night I would enjoy myself. It was that night I met a man. He didn't have to say a word, and I felt he understood what it meant to love. My girlfriends thought I was crazy. When I expressed how I felt, they teased me and thought I was attracted to him because I hadn't been in a relationship in nearly three years. However, I explained to them that it was more than the need to fuel my desires with his strong hands and comforting touch. My life had taught me that I was more than just a woman who needed savage arousal. I was complete without a man. However, when I saw him, my heart trembled. There was something about his eyes that captured me. I could taste his scent from across a crowded room. I was intrigued, and caught by surprise. He sat alone, watching everyone else have a good time. He looked innocent to me. For nearly thirty minutes, I stared at him, eager to know his thoughts, his pains, and intentions for life. I was in awe. Every now and again, I would glance and catch him peeking at me. His skin shadowed in the dim lights. There was chemistry between us that I couldn't explain. Blushing like a schoolgirl, I couldn't keep my eyes away, and that is when my girlfriends finally convinced me to introduce myself. So, I did. I walked over, and asked if he would dance with me. Without hesitation, I stretched my hand to him. When he touched me, I lost my breath. A flutter entered my stomach, and my nerves became unraveled. I escorted him to the dance floor. We talked, danced, and when he held me during a slow song, I could feel a gentleness I had never felt in a man. It was like a settled calm, an exquisite breeze, and a hurt of emptiness. His eyes stared through my soul and the more he looked down at me with his hands wrapped around my waist, the safer I felt. During this brief encounter with him holding me close, I felt comfort. We danced the entire night, and although the room was full with people, all I could see was his face. His skin was brown like cinnamon, eyes dark, and his smile was tender. He captured my heart, and I had no problem letting it go. After all those years of tears and pain with little happiness, I could somehow feel calm in him. It was bizarre. However, I had always been the kind of woman who believes by chance anything could happen. When the night ended, we exchanged telephone numbers, and that's how it all began. That is when it all began.

##  Robert

Once I left the nightclub, I couldn't escape thoughts of Serena. Maybe it was because she had provided me with the attention I craved. It could have been my way of trying to get Tiffany out of my thoughts. No matter the explanation, I couldn't seem to stop thinking of Serena. The smell of her perfume was on my shirt where she had placed her head against my chest while we danced. I don't know what it was, but it seemed to me that she was letting go of something, or even someone. The more we danced, the more I felt her heart pressing against my own. What is it about this woman? Why am I so attracted without her having to say one word? When I placed my hand around her waist, it seemed as if she melted in my arms. She felt good to me. I felt needed. I wanted to hold her all night. "Thank you God," I whispered in my mind.

When I arrived home, I took her phone number out of my pocket and tossed it on the nightstand. The number seemed to stretch out, beckoning me to call her. But it was now three o'clock in the morning. Only a fool or a stalker would call someone at this hour. Even in my rationale, the seven digits on that white napkin continued to speak.

"Call her," they whispered.

"What am I to do?" I thought. Would it be rude of me? Would I look like some maniac desperate for attention, or would she be waiting on me to make the next move? I sat on the edge of my bed and contemplated whether I would go against every dating-for-men rule I'd ever known. I wanted to dial the number, but I couldn't. Every male instinct within me said to wait, play it safe, and stay cool. I looked at the number a few more times and decided I would allow her to make the first move. My heart melted with every thought of her. Sweat began to pour off my forehead, and that is when it happened.

##  Serena

Twice the telephone rang before he answered. I knew I was making a terrible mistake. It was 3:15 in the morning, and I was falling head over heels for a man I had just met a couple of hours before. What was I thinking? This was a big mistake. I knew it. Just when I was about to place the phone on the receiver, Robert's baritone voice answered.

"Hello." I became nervous and couldn't speak. It felt as if my breath was choking me.

"Hello," he responded again with a tone deeper than the first.

"Hi Robert. It's me, Serena. I met you tonight at the club." The phone went silent. I didn't know what to think. Did I make a mistake for calling him? Maybe he was married. Was this his home phone number or a cell number and he didn't want the person with him to know a woman was calling? Dozens of questions rushed through my mind, and in a panic, I hurried and pressed the end call button on my cordless, and tossed the phone towards the foot of my bed. Ten seconds passed and I stood in the center of my bedroom looking like a madwoman who had just committed an unthinkable crime. I stared at the phone, and prayed that he wouldn't re-dial my number.

"Why am I acting so crazy?" I questioned myself as I walked from one corner of my bedroom to the other. "It's only a man. Get it together or this man is going to think I'm some sort of lunatic." I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"Okay Serena. You can handle this," I repeated as if there was some other person standing in my bedroom. I grabbed the phone and re-dialed the number. However, Robert was already on the line. I could hear him clearing his throat, and it seemed as if he was more nervous than me.

"Hello," I paused. "Robert," I called out his name in a soft and shy voice. He continued to clear his throat.

"Hey, hey, why did you hang up? I was just thinking about you right before you called."

The thought of me being on his mind gave me comfort. Perhaps I wasn't crazy after all for calling him so late. Maybe he was hoping that I called. No matter the reason, we were on the phone with each other, and I was glad.

"Well it's good to know that you haven't forgotten about me," I replied and trying to sound as sexy as I could. "I hoped I wasn't just a one night dance." He laughed in a soft tone. I could see his smile as if he was still holding me close while we danced.

"No. You were definitely more than a one-night dance. I was thinking I should call you, but I didn't want to seem like a stalker. After all, it is 3:30 in the morning. But now that you've called me I guess you can take the stalker title."

"Cute, but if this is not a good time for you—we can talk some other time." Although, I thought his comment was funny, there was no way I would give him the upper hand of our conversation. I said nothing for a few seconds.

"Hello," he responded, and searching to see if I was still on the line. "Wait. Hold up," he said quickly. "Don't hang the phone up on me again. This is a good time for me. I'm not tired, and if you're up to it—let's talk." The balance was now in our conversation, and I felt comfortable about where we would begin. I liked Robert, but there was no way I would let him think by my calling him—gave him some sort of upper hand.

We talked until 4:30 that Saturday morning. The conversation was great. I shared with him the only reason I was at the club was because my girlfriends got tired of me acting like an old lady that never does anything. He then caught me off guard by saying that from the first moment my girlfriends and I entered the club, I had his attention, and the room seemed to have stopped as I walked passed. He knew at some point during the night he had to know my name. As he continued to speak and shared with me how beautiful he thought I was, I began to blush with a tingling feeling pulsing in my stomach. Yes, it all seemed like the same lines that would normally come out of the mouth of a man, but there was sincerity when Robert shared how he felt. I could feel he was being honest. I believed him.

During my life, I've heard so many lines from useless men that I knew when a man was talking just to see if he could get inside my head and in my bedroom. What most men don't understand is that women have heard every imaginable pick up line in the book. From the time any of us began showing maturity in our breast or behinds—men have tried countless of ways to lure us. I would always say to my friends because of all the pain I've experienced—God equipped me with a gift to recognize a dishonest man. That is how I knew Robert was being truthful.

An hour passed and that's when we decided to get off the phone and meet up with one another later that afternoon. When I placed the phone back into the cradle, I felt good about the conversation with Robert. The burden of bitterness that lived in my heart for years had taken a pause. For a brief moment, I allowed the lure of Robert's flirtation to excite me. It was something about him that had me wanting to let go or at least give him a chance to know me. I know it seems crazy because I only knew Robert for a few hours. But, for at least one moment, I didn't allow my resentment for men to pass judgment. Why? I don't know. Yes, it all seems foolish, but somehow I was at ease. Why was I at ease? I don't know. It simply felt safe.

##  Robert

I was tired from being on the phone with Serena until 4:30 in the morning. Friday had already seemed like a long day with everyone in the office needing something from me, and I had the audacity to make it even longer by going out dancing and talking on the phone until the wee hours of the morning. No matter my exhaustion, I was excited that I had met a wonderful woman, and she was equally excited about me. Maybe the feeling was nothing more than the need to be noticed by someone. Perhaps this was a knee jerk reaction to rebound from the hurt I was feeling. Whatever the reason for my attraction didn't matter because I felt revived.

When I climbed from the bed that Saturday morning, there was an extra pep in my step, and I was ready to explore my date with Serena. Just like a woman, I fidgeted with my outfits to make certain I wore the perfect thing. My apartment looked a mess. Clothes were all over the place. I had my stereo blasted. I know that Tom my neighbor must have thought I was losing my mind. I never played music loud.

Tom walked over and banged on my door. He was a small fragile Italian man. He appeared timid in character but was a ferocious lion that got whatever he wanted. He reminded me of Joe Pesci's character in the movie Goodfellas. I suppose it was because he grew up in the middle of South Philadelphia, and learned to take care of himself. Tom and I had gotten to know each other well over the past five years. When I first moved into the building, Tom was the first to greet me. Tom worked as an attorney through his own practice and seemed to take on the most peculiar clients. He had once shared with me a case about an elderly woman who had filed suit against a pet shop. She claimed her parrot of three years choked and died from the wrong bird food. Tom discovered and proved that the pet shop tampered with the labeling of the products, and caused the death of the parrot. Due to their negligence and fraudulent action, his client suffered mental anguish. The jury found the store franchise liable, and granted the woman a $75,000 dollar settlement. Tom then told me from the settlement; the old lady started a wild life preserve camp for birds that were being mistreated by their owners.

Tom banged on the door harder. I could barely hear his knock. The music blasted through the speakers. When I opened the door, Tom stood in the hallway dressed only in his boxers and a blazer to cover his upper body. He had a look of frustration and annoyance. Not to mention he looked like a zombie who had been awakened from centuries of sleep. It was a good thing that only he and I shared the top level of the building. If anyone else would have saw him standing in the hall in just his boxers and a blazer—they would have thought he'd lost his mind. Even worse, they would have wondered why he was exiting my apartment in just his underwear.

"Robert, is everything okay?" He stepped across my threshold and peeked inside the apartment. I hadn't noticed the small baseball bat he had in his hand until he fully stepped inside.

"Yes. I'm fine Tom. Why do you ask?" Tom walked further in the room and continued to search as if he had lost something. I stood at the door and held it open.

"I didn't know what was going on Robert." He straddled the bat above his left shoulder. "I heard the loud rap music, and I thought maybe someone had gotten into your place. I have never heard you play music so loudly. I was a little concerned. What's the deal anyway? Are you having some sort of emotional break down? If so, I have a therapist client who handles patients like you. I can get you a visit without any problems. I know you've been going through it since Tiffany packed her things and left."

"I'm fine Tom," I answered while laughing in the same breath. "I'm enjoying my morning. It's a beautiful snow day, and I'm just soaking it all in."

"Hmm," he responded in disbelief and walked towards the door. "If you say you're fine Robert—I'll accept it. But for the love of God brother, can you lower the volume on the music?"

"Not a problem Tom, I'll turn it down."

Just when I thought I finally had him out the door, he turned and looked at me.

"One more thing," he said as he pointed his finger. "Just to let you know—you're a long way off before spring cleaning. So, you can probably pick up all your clothes from the floor. However, I did see a nice turquoise pin-stripe shirt over there just in case you're throwing it out."

"Thanks for your concern Tom, but I'm not spring cleaning." I slowly closed the door to send him away.

Just as I was about to hop in the shower the telephone rang. I turned my music back on just a little, and continued to listen to a little L. Whenever I needed to relax, I would pull out some of my old sounds from when I was a teenager. I had a little Run DMC, Whoodini, UTFO, Treacherous Three, Grandmaster Flash, and the Real Roxanne. If things were crazy for me, I would play Time with Morris Day, and pretended I was Jerome doing the Bird or The Walk.

However, on this occasion I found myself blasting a little L. I Need Love poured through the speakers. The hot beat and funky melody had me ready to meet up with Serena. I had always loved that rap. It reminded me of being fifteen and falling in love for the first time. The lyrics would have me reminiscing of the evenings I would sit in my bedroom with my feet up against the wall and talking to Tanya who was my teenage girlfriend. I don't know what it was about LL's "I Need Love"—back in the day, young girls loved it. One day I sat in my room rewinding and fast-forwarding my cassette tape just to write down all the lyrics. Once I learned every word, I would sing it to Tanya and she would melt. There was this one time when she and I were sitting on the stoop of her front porch during the summer. It was about 7:30 in the evening. The sun was just about to set. She and I had been talking and playing all day. I had even walked five miles to get to her house. Back then, a young man would do anything to see his girl. Heck, I wish I had that type of stamina now. As we were sitting on the stoop, "I Need Love" came on the radio. Immediately, I went into my b-boy player's mode. Tanya sat in front of me. I began to rap the lyrics. She loved my performance. She hung on to every word that came out of my mouth. It was almost as if I was giving her a personal Cool J show. When I finished—I had her so caught up, she leaned forward, and French kissed me. It was the real deal. I had pecked kissed her or kissed her on the cheek many times before, but this time she put a wet one on me. I grinned from ear to ear. "Wow," I thought to myself. Ever since then Cool J was cool with me. If it weren't for that song, I would have probably never gotten my first kiss or my first heartbreak.

When I answered the phone, it was Harry. We've worked together four years and have become close friends.

"Hello."

"Rob. What's up?" he yelled through the phone. "I tried catching up with you last night. You were nowhere to be found."

"Yeah, I know." I looked at the time and knowing I had to leave soon. "I didn't come home from the office. I decided to go out to the club for a change of pace."

Harry laughed.

"You?" He paused. "You went to the club?" He laughed harder. "You got to be kidding me. You don't ever go out. I've been asking you to hang out for almost three years, and every time I've asked—you've always made some excuse about having to be with your woman. The last time I asked was about three weeks ago, and you started tripping about going to church. Bruh, you're having some kind of an emotional breakdown. You had better get that checked and quick. I got a therapist friend who would sit down and talk with you if you want me to put you down." He began to laugh even more.

"Harry, I don't mean to rush you Bruh, but I got somewhere I need to be by twelve. Can I hit you on the cell later?"

"Not a problem, but don't forget me. Rob, I need to talk with you about something important. I'm serious. I need you on this one."

"Yeah, okay. I got you," I answered knowing that every issue with Harry was major. Harry was the first person I met who seemed to have an emergency about everything. His sense of urgency would have people running red lights and chugging food down their throats at a restaurant as if it was their last meal. Outside of Harry making it feel like his problems are more important than anyone else's—he's a good friend. Harry is what women would call the ultimate bachelor or the perfect catch. His life seemed in order. He did well on the job, had a great crib, and most women found him attractive. The only problem with Harry was that he had issues trusting women. I don't know his issues—but he treated women like a game. His motto for women was catch and release. He treated women like fish on a line. He wouldn't allow them to know too much, and would not get emotionally involved. I don't know how he keeps the charade going. Every woman was fair game. However, I could never find fault with him because he never led them on, and always told them exactly how he felt. But for some reason the women saw what they needed on the outside, but if any of them would take a closer look at Harry's character—they would know he's an intimacy ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment.

Before I hung up the phone with Harry, I wanted to make certain he had a real problem. He assured me that there were no games this time, and that he needed some real advice. I took him at his word. There were instances when he would get nervous about something, and it turned out to be nothing at all. There was this one occasion when he called me over to his place as if it was on fire. He scared me so badly that I didn't even wait to hear the whole story before I drove to his apartment to see what was wrong. When I arrived, Harry answered the door with nervous sweat pouring down his head as if he had been playing ball for hours.

"What's up Harry?" I asked and not fully knowing back then—Harry had drama like teenage girls.

"Rob, I need your help," he said as he paced and stuttered.

"What's up?" I repeated my question. "Is it money? Do you need something? Is somebody after you?" I asked ten questions in a minute. I didn't know what was wrong. I had grown up in DC, and if one of your boys said they needed you—then something was about to jump off. I didn't expect to hear what came out of his mouth.  
"Peep this." He stood next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I messed up. I uhm—I got myself committed to two engagements this evening, and I can't go to them both. I was wondering if you could attend one on my behalf."

"What?" I responded and looked at him like he had lost his mind. I wanted to punch him in the mouth. "Is this your emergency? You could have told me this over the phone. I thought you had a real problem! I ought to----."

"No. No. No, Rob," he stuttered. "This is real stuff. I promised these two women that I would escort them to their functions, and I don't want to let them down. Listen Rob, I need you on this one. I mean this should be an honor for you. I wouldn't trust anyone else with this. You know—cause I don't have any other friends who could be as nearly as charming as me."

Again, I looked at him, and still wanted to punch him in the head.

"Fool you crazy. I ought to slap you upside the head for having me nervous. I thought you had some real issue. No. I won't help you. Crazy."

I began to walk out the door. I was pissed. This was my first time ever having to deal with his drama. Well, it turns out that I did help him, and it was a good thing because Tiffany was one of the young women he had promised to escort, and she ended up becoming the love of my life.

It was now ten o'clock and I needed to hurry for my date with Serena. Still I hadn't made a decision if I should put on slacks, jeans, or sweats. Should I go very casual or business casual? Serena lived forty-five minutes from my apartment. Due to the heavy snow on the ground, the drive would take an hour. I jumped in the shower, grabbed an apple from the dining room table, got dressed, and rushed out of the door. The time was getting late.

The entire ride I felt nervous. My palms were sweaty, and it seemed like my heart was going to leap through my chest. I didn't know why I was so nervous. We had already hit it off. Maybe it was because I was in a relationship for so long that I didn't know how to act towards someone new.

As I continued to travel to Serena's, I barely focused on the road. I was in a daze the entire drive. Some dude in a blue Cadillac put his middle finger up.

He yelled, "Keep in your lane before you kill somebody. Don't you see all this snow?"

I looked at him and nodded my head. The light turned red. This was an opportunity for me to get myself together. I was only a block away from where Serena lived, and I could not allow myself to look like a nervous boy afraid of a woman. I wiped my forehead with a napkin that was left in my car seat from when I had gone to the coffee shop the day before to get a bagel. I placed one of my favorite mix CDs in the CD player. Trouble Funk blasted through the speakers. If Go-go music couldn't get me hyped—then nothing else would. When the light turned green I pulled off, and my ego was exactly where I needed it. I was energized by the music. The more the music played—the better I felt. The next thing I knew was that I was pulling up to the front door of Serena's apartment yelling from the top of my voice the lyrics from the song. For a brief moment, I was charged and seemingly ready to do the date. I let the engine run for a few minutes hoping Serena would hear the music, and come to the window. I thought if she invited me to come inside it would kill the awkwardness of having to knock on her door. She never came. Wow. It was a shot to the ego.

As I sat in my car, my heart slowly began to sink from my chest to my underwear. I couldn't remember the last time a woman had me feeling so awkward. Even when Tiffany and I had first become acquainted—I didn't feel as nervous.

"What is wrong with me?" I thought.

I took a deep breath, and decided it was time to get out of the car. One last time I looked towards the window hoping Serena would notice me. Still she didn't come. I stepped out of the car, walked to the door, and stopped. I mean I stopped. I stood there looking like a fool. My heart raced a mile a minute. There I was a grown man acting as if I was some teenage boy. Daddy would not be proud. I knocked. I waited a few seconds. I turned around and looked towards my car as to say, "Run now. You don't have to do this. It's too early to pursue another woman." I knocked again. Still, there was no answer. I looked at the outside number of the apartment door to make certain I was knocking at the right apartment. I was already nervous. I didn't want to look like a fool—and at the wrong apartment. I knocked a third time. I place my ear to the door to try to hear if someone was coming. I was now looking like a maniac. A smarter man would have turned and walked away.

"Why don't you just call her Robert?" I said while pulling my phone out of my pocket. I could hear the ringing of her house phone through the door. She didn't answer.

"Now I know this woman didn't blow me off," I thought. We had gotten off on such a good start. I refused to believe Serena would treat me like that. I knocked on the door once more, and again place my ear against the door to see if I could hear anything.

I heard the shower running. I knocked one last time, but harder. Boom, Boom, Boom! That is when I noticed there was a doorbell directly to the upper left corner of the doorframe. So I pushed it, and hoped she would hear. The water stopped.

"Who is it?" she yelled.

"Robert."

"Hold on one second Robert. I'll be there in a minute."

I waited a couple of seconds. The thoughts that ran through my mind of her climbing out of the shower excited me. The pastor would not have liked what I was thinking. I couldn't believe what I was thinking. I had to somehow rid myself of the fantasies that tried to invade me. The last thing I wanted was to have her think I was some salivating dog waiting to attack her at any moment. "Get it together, Rob," I chanted. "Calm down. It's only a woman taking a shower."

She opened the door.

"Sorry, I kept you waiting. Come inside. I was in the shower. Have a seat. I will be with you in a minute."

I couldn't believe my eyes. There she stood in front of me and directing me to the things I should do—while she was wrapped in nothing but a beach towel. Although it covered her body from head to toe, the water was still wet on her body, and beaded on her neck. I looked at her, and she was beautiful. Not that I'm a pervert or anything, but stick a beautiful woman half-naked in front of any man, and watch his reaction.

"This must be a test," I thought. "Either God was seeking to see if I could get pass the moment or the devil was tempting me. I felt like Job when God said to satan, "Have you considered my servant Job?" It seemed like I was in the middle of a game. A month earlier, I had given my life to Christ, and decided that my life needed some change. When Tiffany left I needed some hope, and I found myself walking through the doors of AGAPE Baptist Church. The pastor had spoken on who gives you joy, and used this wonderful illustration from an Anita Baker song, "You Bring Me Joy." He preached that no other person can bring you joy. Perhaps someone can offer you joy—but real joy and love comes through the Lord. The sermon moved me in such a way, I found myself walking down the center aisle and offering to surrender my life to Jesus.

"I didn't come too early did I?" I wondered whether I should go back to the car and wait because the Bible teaches to flee from temptation—especially sexual temptation. I had to make a choice of running or taking a seat on the sofa. Five seconds I stood in a silly daze.

"No you're on time. I've been on the phone with my mom, and I had to rush to get ready."

I looked at her. She looked good.

"You take your time and get dress. I will wait outside in the car until you're ready."

She looked at me as if I was strange, and she saw that I was uncomfortable.

"Robert you don't have to wait in your car. It's cold outside. I'll be ready in a moment. Go ahead and have a seat." She directed, and demanded that I enter the apartment.

"Can I get you something while you wait?"

Only if she knew what was going through my mind. "Stop the thoughts Robert," I repeated in my head. Luckily for me, I was able to remember a scripture pastor had just taught during last week bible study. "Flee from sexual temptation. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually, sins against his own body." The bible study was so intense it had me questioning my entire relationship with Tiffany. Sure we were about to get married, I thought anyway, but even the engagement didn't protect us from our sexual sins. I returned out of my thought and placed my attention back on Serena.

"No I'm okay," I answered, and tried my best to hide the hunger for her that was beginning to appear on my face. The entire time I spoke—I focused on other places in the room. "You go and get some clothes on your body. I'll be fine." I waved my hand as to scoot her out the room.

She walked to the TV that was sitting on a silver stand in front of the window, and across from the sofa where I was sitting. "Well at least allow me to turn the TV on while you wait."

As she bent forward to turn on the television, the towel opened just a little and revealed the upper portion of her thigh. I know I shouldn't have looked, but I couldn't resist. She must have felt me staring because as soon as she turned on the television she looked at me, stood quickly, and tossed me the remote.

"Lord, forgive me," I said. "But you made this, not me."

My nervousness was now gone. I fumbled through the channels until I came to an episode of Sanford and Son. It was a good thing she had cable. If it weren't for the cable, I would have been bored and continued to think savagely about her nakedness beneath the towel. Fred had me laughing and thinking about my dad who could sit in front of the television for hours because he thought Redd Foxx was a comedic genius. There would be many conversations my father and I would have about Redd Foxx, Flip Wilson, and Richard Pryor. My father would sometimes say, "Don't let the television fool you. Those men may seem as if they are not in a struggle—but they are. They are black men paving the way for a new generation of comedians."

##  Serena

I don't know what I was thinking. I know I shouldn't have answered the door with just a towel covering my body. Now this man may think I'm some kind of nymphomaniac or somebody he could sleep around with when it's cold outside. I should have had better judgment. My actions had me second-guessing my readiness to pursue a man. Perhaps I should have given a little more thought to us getting together. I'm thirty-one years old, and should have investigated a little bit before I allowed him to come over. Uh----, It all feels so desperate now. Let me go out there and tell him right now that it isn't that type of party. I am so embarrassed. But what was I supposed to do? I didn't want him standing in the hall and waiting. After all, I was the one that lost track of time from talking on the phone with my mother. I hurried to answer the door. I made the wrong decision. The more I directed him inside the apartment, the more it felt as if he was watching the water that was running down my neck. Perhaps he wouldn't think much of it. Maybe it's just my imagination getting the best of me, and Robert isn't the type of man who only thinks of sex. What am I talking about? This is a man. I've never met any man who didn't get aroused by the smallest of things. It seems as if the tiniest glimpse of what is possible ignites the candlewick of a man's lust. Well it isn't much I can do about it now. The only thing left to do is go out there, and put on my game face and act as if the towel incident never happened.

##  Robert

The apartment was small. The living room was tan and brown with an almond border in the center of the walls. Displays of African art sat on a small round oak antique table at the front entrance wall. The upkeep of the apartment was nice. Pictures hung on the wall of her son and daughter. The décor of the room was impressive. I was even more impressed by a picture she had of this black man and woman holding on to one gold ring, and standing underneath a big oak tree with sun rays beaming through. It was a beautiful piece of art, and it allowed me to get some insight of Serena's character.

When Serena came out of the room, her outfit was similar to what I was wearing. It had to be a sign.

"So, are you trying to dress like me?" I sarcastically asked.

"Don't flatter yourself. I had chosen this outfit before you arrived."

"You're kind of sensitive," I said smiling. "I was only kidding."

She just looked at me.

"So, what are you watching?"

"I'm not really watching it, but it's an episode of Sanford and Son. I was trying to keep occupied until you finished getting dressed. I actually thought you would take other twenty-minutes or so. I know how long it takes women to get all dolled up.

"Excuse me?" Her neck rolled and her eyes followed in suit with a slight bit of irritation in her voice. "Did you say dolled up? I think you just insulted me," she squinted. "Are you implying that I'm only beautiful if I get dolled up?"

"No. No. That's not what I meant," I said and hoping to retract my statement. I was going down and there was no escape from the tumbling.

"No. Please," I begged. "Don't get me wrong. You are already beautiful. I just meant women take forever to get dressed.

"Huh," she replied again as I was batting zero for two.

"Stop, you know what I'm trying to say."

She smiled with a smirk on her face. I took a deep breath. I felt as if I wasn't making a good impression.

"Now who's the sensitive one?" she laughed.

"I didn't keep you waiting too long, did I?" she then asked. My eyes settled on every movement of her lips. Her beauty mesmerized me.

"No you were okay. It wasn't as if I was going anywhere." I wiped my forehead from the constant fumbles I had already made.

"Yeah I know. That's why I took my time," she smartly remarked, smiled, and leaned against the sofa.

"You're kind of sarcastic aren't you?"

"Only to people I find attractive." She grabbed one of the pillows from the sofa and placed it in her lap. "I don't know why, but I've been doing it since I can remember liking boys."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah. That's right."

"Well. It's good to know you find me attractive," I responded while patting my face as if I was looking in a mirror.

We laughed.

"So, tell me what would you like for us to do this afternoon?"

"I don't know. I thought you had all the plans."

She was right. I was supposed to have orchestrated our date.

"I did have some plans. However, I would rather sit here and get to know you. Is it okay if we just talked, and then later we can go out for an early dinner?"

"That sounds like a good plan to me," she responded, and seeming like she was glad I had suggested sitting at her place to relax. "I'm kind of tired anyway. Somebody kept me on the phone all morning, and talking about phone—you hung up in my face."

"Oh I did? I'm sorry. I thought you had already hung up."

She knew I wasn't telling the truth.

"Why are you lying? You know you hung that phone up on me. I was about to say goodbye, but before I could get the words out, all I heard was a dial tone. Not to mention, I thought I heard you snoring a couple of times during our conversation. I tell you—that was not the best way to make an impression."

"You're right. I said when I came over, I would apologize." I grabbed her by the hand.

"Please forgive me. It won't happen again. I was tired, and wanted to go to bed. Friday was a long day for me, and by the time I got home from the club—I was ready for bed."

"Why didn't you just say so? I wouldn't have kept you on the phone so long. I knew you were getting sleepy because every now and then, I would ask you a question, and you would pause nearly ten seconds before you responded."

"I know. I apologize. But the truth is—I really wanted to talk to you. We had such a wonderful moment at the club; I couldn't stop thinking about you. So when you called—I was excited to hear from you."

Serena smiled. She blushed. I had gotten a few brownie points. Then unexpectedly, she grabbed the pillow from behind her, and hit me.

"You have too much game for me," she said smiling. "But for real though—next time, just say you're tired."

At that moment, I concluded—Serena was crazy. She didn't know me from Adam, but she hit me. She was my kind of woman. We were getting off to a great start.

"Next time I will." I winked my eye, and smiled.

"So what do you want to talk about?" she asked.

"Let's talk about you," I responded.

"What about me? What do you want to know?"

"I want you to tell me anything that you don't feel is too personal. Then, I'll share with you anything about me you want to know. That way we would know something other than our telephone numbers and favorite club hang out."

She smiled.

##  Chapter Two: Authentic Dialogue

Conforming to fact and therefore worthy of trust, reliance, or belief

##  Serena

Where would I begin? I was puzzled. I don't know why it is so hard for me to share my life. I seem to get lost, and I act as if I know nothing of who I am. I bet if someone were to say, "I'll give a million dollars to you if you tell me your life story," I wouldn't be able to keep quiet. Robert looked at me and waited for me to say something. Then he tried to help me by asking about my children.

"Tell me about your children. How old are they?"

"As you can see from the pictures on the wall, I have a son and daughter. Neither one of their fathers are worth a penny."

I looked at him when I said fathers. I know what must have been going through his mind.

She has children by two different men. He was even beginning to look stunned.

So I asked him, "Are you okay? You look puzzled about something."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about your children. You did say fathers, right? So your children don't have the same dad?"

"Yes that's right. Is that going to be a problem for you?" I answered and getting a little defensive at his reaction. I knew I shouldn't have, but I always feel like I'm going to be judged by men because of my children.

"No. It's not a problem. What are their names? Your children—I mean."

"My daughter name is Raven, and my son name is Terrence. Raven is ten and will be eleven later this month. Terrence is four and he'll be five in June."

"Wow. That is a huge difference in their ages. I know it must be hard trying to balance them."

"Yes it is. And, it doesn't help that Raven believes she is his mother."

"Do they see their fathers much?"

"Raven will see her father every now and then. My son has never known his dad. It doesn't bother me though—because his father wasn't good for us anyway."

I began to loosen up. I felt comfortable talking to Robert. His timing couldn't have been more perfect. I had a lot of things on my mind, and never had anyone I could sit down with and honestly share. Whenever I tried talking to my girlfriends—it always seemed as if they ended up dominating my time with their own drama. Robert on the other hand listened attentively. His eyes even began to tear when I told him of some of the things I had experienced. I let him know that my relationship with Raven's father began when I was eighteen. We had met during my second year in college. I was working over at Fisk's Department Store to earn some extra money for tuition, books, and things like that. My parents didn't have a whole lot, but they found the resources to get me in college. One day while leaving from Fisk's—this guy called out to me.

"Serena," he whispered. I turned to see who was calling me but I didn't see anyone. So I continued to walk. He whispered my name once more.

"Serena." I turned again because I knew I wasn't going crazy. Lucky then walked from behind one of the pillars laughing. I didn't find it funny at all. I continued to walk towards my car. You would think he would have caught the hint but Lucky was persistent. He ran to catch up with me, and introduced himself. I should have known at that moment—he wasn't somebody I should get involved with romantically.

"I'm sorry," he said. "But I wanted to meet you. I was in the store earlier and you were the cashier who handled my purchase. You might not remember me, but as I left the store, I couldn't stop thinking of your beauty. I wanted to come back inside and introduce myself, but I didn't want to disturb you from your work. By the way, my name is Lucky—Lucky Johnson."

He placed his hand out for me to shake. I looked at him like he was crazy. I said to myself that this had to be the corniest and weakest name and come on line I had ever heard. I walked away. There was no way on God's green earth was I going to fall for such a line. I knew he was a lunatic. But as I walked away, he recited and yelled the most beautiful poem. It stopped me dead in my steps. I remember that poem to this day.

"My black woman. My beautiful black woman.

Here I stand listening to nothing but your heart.

It speaks loud, but as subtle as the ocean waves, which dance upon the seashore.

It calls out to me screaming, 'I will not run from you!'

My black woman. My beautiful black woman.

You are my soul, my hope, my eternity,

You are my silent warrior.

When he recited the poem, I felt like that black woman that was running. I can't explain how he said the poem, but he caught my attention. It was the first time I had ever heard anything recited so beautifully. No matter what lame name he used to call himself, he had my attention. From that day forward, he and I became inseparable. Everything about Lucky was smooth, and romantic. He wasn't the most attractive man, but whenever Lucky spoke—he sounded poetic. God had given him a voice tone that captured the attention of people. I used to go watch him perform jazz poetry at this club on Market Street. Women loved him. My parents loved him. My only problem with Lucky was that he was selfish—and didn't really want to share his life. He had a mentality that the world owed him. Every conversation we had pertaining to life—always resulted with it being about his needs.

Well, after two years of being together, he proposed and I said yes. We were engaged for five months and had a small wedding. Six months later, I was pregnant. I was twenty years old, and in my last year of college. It wasn't the best decision, but love will sometimes make us do strange things. No matter the advice anyone with good sense try to give—many of us will turn a deaf ear and do what we think is best for our lives. Oh don't worry, I know better now. It seemed as soon as Lucky and I got settled—he decided to drop out of school to pursue his dreams. I tried to convince him to at least graduate, but he didn't think there was anything college could teach him about being a musician. I was angry. I knew how important college was for the both of us. As much as I tried to convince him to finish school, he would never consider it. I don't know if bad karma came as a result of him deciding to pursue his dreams—but soon after he made that choice, the marriage began to fail. Our lives didn't have direction, and everything spiraled out of control. First, Lucky dropped out of college. He then quit his job. There were nights we would lay next to each other and wouldn't say a thing. When I look back at the entire situation—I'm blown away by it all. I can blame much of it on us being young and naïve, however, I can say that Lucky didn't know what it meant to be a husband or a man. We would argue all the time about him understanding the responsibility of chasing a dream, and the importance of taking care of family. There was no balance in our relationship. He couldn't seem to grasp the concept that we were to be united as one.

Then one day during my third month of pregnancy, Lucky came home and told me he was planning to travel with a jazz band to sing and perform Spoken-Word across the country. Of course, that didn't sit well with me. Managing the stress of pregnancy and keeping up in school was too much for me. However, Lucky would not change his mind. He was convinced that he would change our lives through his music. He believed his success as a musician would provide us with everything we ever wanted, and all he needed was a chance to prove his dreams were real. I had grown up in a household where my mother stood by every decision my father made. So being the faithful wife—I tried to support Lucky in his dreams.

The next thing I know my husband is all over the place singing and performing in different cities. Every now and again, he would send a little money home, but it wasn't nearly enough to support me in school or becoming a parent. So, I had to make a decision. One Saturday afternoon, Lucky called me from Virginia. He was performing in this club called the Underground. I told him that he had to make a choice. He had to decide if our marriage and child was more important to him because I couldn't handle the bills by myself. I pleaded with him to return and to become the father our child would need. We argued for hours on the phone that Saturday. As much as I tried to explain to him that he could work his musical career at home—he kept saying that I didn't understand his passion. I remember screaming during one portion of the conversation, "Lucky, you have lost your mind! This has nothing to do with passion. This has everything to do with you being a man and a father to our child. Can't you understand that?"

It seemed as soon as I finished yelling, Lucky hung the phone up in my face. I didn't know how to respond, so I did what I thought would be a reasonable solution. I called his mother. I knew it wasn't going to be a good conversation, but I had hoped that because we were both women, she would understand. That wasn't the case at all. Mrs. Gloria answered the phone like you wouldn't believe.

"What you want?" she picked up and I didn't know if she knew it was me or not, because there was no caller id. So, I thought that maybe Lucky had called before me.

"Mrs. Gloria," I replied. "It's me Serena."

"Who?" she responded and at that point, I realized this conversation wasn't going to go well at all.

"Your son's wife," I answered.

"Oh you. What you calling me for?"

I didn't know how to take her response. I began to explain to her the problem I was having with Lucky. There was no sympathy or help from her at all. She responded in an angry and bitter tone.

"That ain't my problem, and I don't get in my son's business. If you have problems with keeping your man at home then maybe he ought to leave you. Child you ain't no better than the rest of us. Lucky just doing to you what his daddy did to me. Besides that boy ain't gone leave you unless you done really did something stupid. Probably ain't his baby anyhow. You know how yawl young girls get. You thought just because you done got pregnant he gone drop everything. Didn't your mama teach you better?"

It was from that moment forward that I realized where Mrs. Gloria and I stood. We've never had a relationship. Well Lucky being Lucky and believing he was a gift to people—chose his musical career. We had only been married a little over a year. I had to drop out of school, and work at the department store full time. For a very long time it was just Raven and me. She became my focus, and I wouldn't do anything to let my daughter down.

Robert couldn't believe my story. He looked puzzled, and amazed.

"Whatever happened to Lucky?" he asked.

"Nothing," I answered. "Lucky is still being Lucky. He comes to visit Raven on occasions. Whenever he visits, he is always telling her of his travels. She loves him to death. As much as he disappoints her in promises—she still loves her daddy. I would never do anything to destroy their relationship. My girlfriends tell me I ought to get him for child support, but I won't ever do it. Whenever he receives a little money—he sends it to Raven. Besides—I don't believe in putting black men in the system. Once you allow America to possess the soul of a black man—America will do its best to damage, and destroy a black man's opportunity for success. In fact, you've probably heard some of Lucky's music. He's produced some jazz albums, and some rappers have used him as a voice overture for some of their music tracks. He hasn't gotten that huge break yet, but he's still plugging at it."

"Lucky sounds like an interesting person," Robert said as he leaned against the sofa to get more relaxed. In a weird sort of way, Robert was intrigued by Lucky. I could tell that he wanted to hear more, but didn't want to ask. Then out of a period of awkward silence, he asked about Terrence. I saw that he hoped my relationship with Terrence was on better circumstances. However, the more I began to speak of my experiences with Terrance—my mood began to change. I noticed the disgust and anger in Robert's eyes. He began to get even angrier as he learned about the physical abuse. If there was an astonished amazement about Lucky, it was just the opposite when I talked about Terrence and my relationship.

I said to Robert that Terrence was very different from Lucky. Although, I've resented Lucky for choosing his career over his family, he never once disrespected me or saw to do me any physical harm. His passion for success hurt me. Terrence on the other hand—where would I begin?

My throat became dry from the mentioning of Terrence's name. Although, I knew there was nothing Terrence could do to hurt me now, it was just remembering how he treated me that infused my bitterness and resentment for men. My eyes began to tear, and my heart started to pound faster. I had to take a deep breath before I could share more of my life with Robert.

"What made Terrance so different?" Robert asked as he sat waiting intently for my explanation. He saw the change in my mood, and wanted to know what Terrence could have done to have my attitude reverse from the mentioning of his name. "Well," I said and paused to take a deep breath before saying anything else. "Terrance was the kind of man that believed he could solve all his problems with a punch. I don't know what made me stay with him so long. I should have known better the first time he hit me. But, I didn't because afterwards he would tell me he was sorry, and it wouldn't happen again. I met him one day when my girlfriend Linda and I were in the hoagie shop down on Washington Lane. This was perhaps seven months after my divorce was final from Lucky. Times were hard for me. I was doing my best to put food on the table for my daughter, and I wanted some help. The first moment I set eyes on Terrence—I was attracted to him. He was handsome and the type of man most women wanted. The outer package was perfect. He was tall with golden brown skin. His eyes were bronze, and to be honest—he had a body that seemed like God had personally sculptured. I suppose my attraction to him came from an adolescent fantasy that many women hold onto from their teenage years. I was standing at the counter when he walked inside the hoagie shop. My girlfriend stood next to me, and when she saw him, she tapped me on the hand. I must admit, he was looking good. He had on a pair of shorts that showed off the muscles in his legs. From the top to the bottom—he was fine. I'll be honest, unto this day if nothing has changed about him—when Terrence enters a room; he makes it very hard for other men to compete. But, I tell you that I've learned that everything that looks good—isn't good for you. When he walked to the counter, my girlfriend was squeezing my hand and biting her lips. We couldn't stop from staring. We were also young and immature at the time. He turned and spoke.

'How's it going ladies? It's pretty hot out there today isn't it?'

My girlfriend responded. 'Brother, it's pretty hot in here too.' She and I both giggled like we were fifteen years old.

Terrence smiled, and turned forward to read the menu on the wall. The entire moment, as he placed his order, Linda and I whispered about how cute he was. He then stepped from the counter and stood next to me. I couldn't believe someone so attractive was in the same store, nonetheless standing next to me. He should have been in a movie or on the cover of a magazine. My hands got all sweaty, and my heart was beating faster than normal. I wanted to say something to him, but I was too nervous. The guy who was making our sandwiches finished our order and my girlfriend and I left the shop laughing and whispering as if we had just bumped into a movie star. We were like two love struck puppies. I was so nervous about being next to Terrence; I had forgotten I had ordered a bag of chips to go along with the sandwich. Terrence came running out of the store.

'Excuse me Shorty,' he called out to me. 'The guy in the shop asked me to bring you this bag of chips. It came with your order.'

He handed me the bag and I couldn't stop from staring at him. I put my hand out to grab the bag, but I didn't reach where he had placed it in front of me. The bag fell to the ground.

'My fault. I'm sorry,' he apologized as I picked the bag up.

'No it's my fault.'

'What's your name?' he asked.

I told him, and he introduced himself as Terrence.

'Is it possible that I could get your number?'

Of course, he could get my number as fine as he was. He called later that night. We dated for about seven months, and the next thing I know, I allowed him to move into the apartment with my daughter and me. To be honest, I can't remember how we ended up living together. It all went so fast. I think it was because it was hard trying to maintain my rent. I was lonely, and having Terrence move in seemed to be the perfect solution. Everything was good at first—then his character changed. He didn't want me to do anything, but sit in the apartment and wait on him. I remember the hitting started from this one time he asked if I would go to the store to get him a can soda. I walked to the store that was only five minutes from the apartment. Back then, I had an apartment off 52nd and Walnut Street. As I was coming out of the store, I saw a girlfriend I hadn't seen since high school. She and I talked for a little while, and it took a little longer to get back to the apartment. You know how it is when two women friends get together who hadn't seen each other in years. We talked about everything just to see what was going on in each other's lives. You would have thought I did something horrible when I returned to the apartment from how Terrence responded.

'Where the hell you been!' he yelled as soon as I walked inside the apartment. Of course, I'm going to say to the store because that is where I had gone.

'What took you so long?' he asked with this stern tone in his voice. I didn't know what was happening. I explained to him that I had seen one of my old girlfriends from high school. Terrence thought I was lying.

'Shut up! You were probably out there acting like some slut, and talking to some dude. Where's my soda?'

I handed the bag to him. He took the soda from the bag, and threw it pass my head. If I had not moved—the can would have hit me. He stood from the sofa and slapped me. I fell to the floor. My lip began to bleed. It happened so fast—I didn't see the hit coming. I didn't know what I had done to have him hit me.

'What is wrong with you?' I yelled. Why did I ask that? It made him even angrier.

'Who you yelling at? I know not me,' he asked, and slapped me again. He wore a high school ring on his right hand, and when he slapped me the second time, the ring gashed my jaw. I still have the scar on my cheek from him hitting me. He had beaten me so badly that I couldn't go to work for a week. I didn't go outside nor did I let anyone come over to visit me. My mother was keeping Raven for the week, and when she and my father returned Raven home, they couldn't believe what they saw. My father was madder than a demon out of hell. He wanted to kill Terrence. I begged both my mom and dad not to say anything because it would only make matters worse. But, you know how parents are. They want to protect you all they know how. When Terrence walked through the door, my mother yelled. 'You no good bastard! You touch my daughter again I will kill you!'

"She tried to hit him. Raven was crying, and screaming. I held my mother back as the tears dripped down my face. I begged her to stop. My father stood with this look in his eyes that was full with rage. I pushed my mother to the back bedroom, and held her in there until she became calm. We sat in the room for about five minutes. Raven came in running behind us. I cried, my mother cried, and Raven cried. My mother begged me on that day to leave Terrance and asked me to come home. Then, all of a sudden, we heard something crashing against the walls in the living room. My father and Terrence were fighting. I hopped up and ran in the living room. There was no yelling or anything. It was nothing but the sound of clashing on the floor and walls. I tried my hardest to break them up. My father was on top hitting Terrence as hard as he could. I couldn't get him off him. I stood up and just yelled. 'Stop it Daddy! Please Daddy stop!'

"I couldn't take it any longer. I just wanted it all to stop. My father noticed me sitting on the floor crying. He stood and backed away from Terrence. Terrence staggered to his feet, wiped the blood from his lips, and hurried out of the front door. He looked worse than I did. In a matter of seconds, his face bruised. My father picked me off the floor, and carried me into the bedroom. He held me for almost an hour.

'Baby girl, this man is no good for you. You can do better. Any man who would do this to a woman is not a real man. I can't tell you what to do, but I would advise you to end this relationship. Why don't you and Raven come back to the house with us?'

My father pleaded for me to come home with them, but I couldn't hear a word he said. In some strange way, Terrance had become my fantasy man. I wasn't about to let him go. I never had a man that looked so good. I know it sounds immature, but that's how I thought back then. I loved how people gave us attention when we were out together. I loved that women wanted what I had. Anyway, that night my mother stayed with me, and decided to stay for a week. Terrence didn't return the entire time she stayed. We had thought he had left me for good. But as soon as my parents drove off on that Friday, guess who came walking through the door?

You got it. Terrence.

He looked so sad. I couldn't do nothing but forgive him. He promised he would never hit me again, and I believed him.

'Please forgive me baby,' he said crying. 'I promise I will never hurt you again. I don't know what got into me. I was jealous because I thought you didn't want me. When you were over at that store, all I could think about was how you and I met, and I thought you were meeting someone else. Please forgive me.' He cried in my arms, and begged me not to give up on us. His apology seemed sincere. Tears were coming down his face, and he was on his knees begging to be with me. He told me how much he loved me. Like any other woman who is with an attractive man—I believed him. I allowed him to move back in the apartment. He and I kept our relationship a secret for about a month. My parents never knew. Things were going good. I had really thought the hitting was an isolated incident. A month later, I finally told my mom and dad that Terrence and I were back together. They weren't happy to hear it, and of course they were disappointed in me. What could I say? I was in love. I was not going to let him go. Four months passed since the incident, and twelve months since I had heard from Lucky. Word had gotten to me that Lucky had traveled to the UK on tour with a jazz ensemble. During that time, Lucky wasn't providing any type of financial assistance. Terrence was doing all that he could for Raven and me, and I relied and depended on his help. I was now working as an administrative assistant in City Hall. Fisk's department store wasn't paying enough so I had to get a job that was more secure and offered benefits. It wasn't what I'd hoped for my life—but when a child comes into the picture; a parent has to make some sacrifices.

"Terrence and I became even more comfortable in our relationship. It appeared as if we had the same dreams, and aspired for the same things. I loved him, and I really believed he loved me. Terrence convinced me to leave my job so that I could spend more time with Raven. He was working over at that bakery factory off Roosevelt Boulevard and bringing in a pretty good income. When he first asked me to leave my job—I refused because the benefits on my job were great. Somehow, Terrence found a way for all of us to get health benefits. To this day, I don't know how he managed it. All I know is when Raven or I needed to see the dentist or had a doctor's appointment—we were okay. Terrence said if I would simply take care of home—he would take care of everything else. Our life was like a fairy tale. I enjoyed staying home and being with my daughter. Before Terrence took over, my schedule was so busy that it felt like the only moments I spent with Raven was at bedtime or on the weekends. Well the fairy-tale lasted for almost five months before Terrence told me he had enlisted in the army. I thought to myself when he first mentioned he had enlisted that this is another man looking to run. He explained his decision to join the military was so he could provide better opportunities for all of us. He promised after he served in basic training that we would get married. My daughter and I would have all the benefits the military could offer. He had even explained once we were married—I would qualify for money to finish my Bachelor's degree. It was the perfect plan. We had what appeared to be the perfect family. Six months passed after he left. We kept in touch with one another through phone calls, and letters. The entire time he was gone, everyone tried to introduce me to other men, but I couldn't leave Terrance. I would be faithful and wait for him no matter how long it took. The entire time Terrance was away, my mother swore up and down he was away seeing another woman.

"Every two weeks while Terrence was gone, I would get a letter and a check with about twelve-hundred dollars inside. He sent to me every dime he'd earned. I was convinced he loved me. When he finally returned from basic, I gave him a huge party. I was so excited to see him. Our letters always spoke of how we missed one another, and discussed what the moment would be like when we were together again. When I picked him up from the train station—he was still in uniform. He looked like a changed man. I had really believed the military had given him a different perspective on life. What Terrence didn't know was that I had orchestrated a surprise party for him back at the apartment. My mother came just to see if Terrence had really changed. However, my father refused to attend. He didn't care if Terrence had changed or not. He didn't like Terrence. Later that night after the party Terrence and I talked about our plans, and that is when he told me how much he enjoyed living in St. Louis. He told me he was going back there to live, and wanted me to come with him. With all his charm, he persuaded me to uproot to St. Louis. He told me he already had his orders to work on base, but we wouldn't be living on the base. We would live five miles away. I needed to make a decision fast because he was only allowed a three-week leave. With all his might, he assured that our lives would be better in St. Louis. I gave in to his offer. He was excited. You would have thought he was a baby getting a bottle of milk.

"The next day, once I made my decision, I visited my mother to tell her of the great news. I thought she would be happy. She was disappointed. She pleaded with me not to go, but again I thought I was in love and had a man that really cared for my daughter and me. Six weeks later, it was time for me to leave. Terrence said the only thing I needed to travel with were clothes for me and for Raven. Raven was about four years old during that period.

"My mother came over to the apartment to help me pack. We placed most of my stuff in storage with plans of sending for it later. Terrence had already returned to St. Louis and settled into active-reserve duty. As my mother helped me to pack—she still begged me not to go.

'Are you sure this is what you want?' she continued to ask.

'Yes Mama. I'm sure. Terrence has changed a lot since he joined the army. He's a good man. You just have to have a little faith.'

To this day, I can remember her response and the look she had on her face as she stopped folding my clothes and looked at me.

'Serena, your mother isn't lacking faith at all. I got that covered. I just know what I know. But, I'm not going to try and stop you anymore. This is your life, and I will not interfere. That man ain't no good. I'm telling you as sure as I'm standing here.'

Just like always, I thought she was being that negative woman I had known most of my life. However, that's a story for another time. She then said as calm as she could while trying to support my decision, 'Promise me one thing Sweetie.'

'What's that, Mama?'

'If it gets tough, and that fool starts acting silly, you leave and never look back. Can you promise me that?'

'Yes Ma'am. I can promise you that.'

She and I finished with the last of my things. The day we left, my parents drove Raven and me to the bus station. My dad was quiet the entire drive. As we sat in the lobby of the bus station and waited—my father tried his best to be happy for me. When it was time for us to leave, I stood from my seat, kissed my mother, and then walked over and kissed my dad.

'If you need anything—you call me baby girl. You hear me. I would drive to St. Louis to get you if you need me. You're my daughter and I love you. Don't be stubborn, brave, or too embarrassed to call if you run into trouble. I know your pride. It's just like my own. You call. Okay?'

'Okay daddy. I will.'

That was the first time I had ever saw my father cry. The tears that rolled down his face were not tears of joy, but pain. Somehow he knew what would happen to me, but he could not allow himself to take away what I felt was happiness. I grabbed Raven by the hand, and we waved goodbye to the only life we had ever known.

"When we arrived in St. Louis, I expected Terrence to be waiting for us in the lobby of the bus station. The entire ride to St. Louis, I imagined him standing in the lobby to greet us just when we stepped off the bus. I dreamt of him holding roses as I walked towards him in the lobby. I thought the most romantic thoughts. But, you know none of that happened. That fool was not even there. He had given me the telephone number to the house—but the phone number wasn't in service. I didn't have much money. All I had were two suitcases, some juice for Raven, a couple of snacks, two hundred-dollars in cash, and two dollars in quarters. The quarters were no use for me. I had nobody to call. Now that I look back, I should have taken that two hundred dollars and purchased a return ticket as soon as I learned that the phone number was out of service. However, that is hindsight now.

"We arrived in St. Louis at seven o'clock that evening. We waited in the bus station lobby until twelve o'clock that morning. I cried. My baby was tired, and so was I. When the moment came for the station to close, Raven and I were the only people left. The night janitor, station manager, and security guard were kind enough to allow us to sit until Terrence arrived.

'What mistake have I made?' I questioned myself.

Finally, Terrence came strutting through the doors.

'Where's my baby!' he yelled as if he had done nothing wrong. He walked over and gave me a hug with beer all on his breath. I was infuriated. I cursed him out with every word in the book. He then told me some lame excuse that he thought we didn't leave until late in the evening from Philly. Of course, being naive and in love I accepted the excuse. Raven was asleep in the chair, so I picked her up and carried her to the car. Terrence walked ahead of me with my suitcase. When we reached the car—he had some woman sitting in the front seat. Would you believe it? He told me she was a fellow military friend from the base, and she knew the fastest way to the bus station. Like a dummy, I believed his lie. You would have thought Terrence would have asked her to get in the back seat, but he didn't.

"He threw my suitcases in the trunk, and asked me to climb in the back seat so that the woman could give him directions for the quickest way to the house. As I sat in the back seat, I drifted to sleep. The entire time I was asleep I heard them touching each other, and saying things like, 'Yeah that feels good.' But of course I thought it was a dream. We reached the house in no time. Terrence escorted me inside. I carried Raven in my arms. It was now about a quarter of one. I dropped my suitcase on the living room floor while Terrence carried the

other one to the back bedroom.

'I know you must be tired Serena,' he said almost in a hurry to leave. 'Why don't you go in the room and get some sleep. I'll be back in a minute. I have to take Lisa back to the base.'

"I put Raven to bed, and I went into the other bedroom and drowned myself in tears. Terrence didn't return until later that morning—around four. I stayed awake all night crying and waiting on his return. It was not what I expected for my first night in St. Louis. You know—I being the romantic woman and all had hoped Terrence would make the occasion special for us. When he finally returned, he told me it took him so long because the car had gotten a flat tire. I didn't believe him. I knew he was lying. It didn't matter. I was tired from waiting on him, and wanted some sleep. Would you believe he had the nerve to ask me to make love to him? Of course I told him no. Then, would you believe he got angry? I didn't care. I was too tired. I could have sworn before he turned over to his side of the bed—he said underneath his breath, 'You no good slut.' I just shook my head, and as I buried my face in the pillow, a tear rolled down the side of my face.

"The next morning everything seemed different. Terrence was awake and full with energy. I could smell and hear the bacon cooking in the kitchen. The aroma of vanilla and cinnamon lured through the hallway from the French toast he had simmering on top of the stove. When I turned to look at the clock on the nightstand to see what time it was, Terrance had placed a red rose next to the bed, and served me breakfast in bed. He had even gone to get Raven out of her room, and brought back a tray of food for her. It was nice. He sat at the foot of the bed and watched as we ate. He had a look in his eyes as if he had won the lottery. It made me feel good.

'I'm so glad you both are here with me Serena. I've missed you so much. I'm sorry about last night, and I promise you will never have to wait again on anything.'

His words were re-assuring. They were the words I needed to hear.

'You ladies go ahead and eat up. I have a big day plan for the three of us. I have already put your clothes away. I will be outside checking something on the car before we leave. When you are dressed and ready, let me know.'

"Raven and I hurried and ate our breakfast. I got Raven dressed, and put her in front of the TV until I got ready. That afternoon he gave us a tour of the Army base. It was huge and exciting. I was straight out of Philly, never really traveled before, and had never seen anything like it. The day couldn't have been any more magical. You would have thought Terrence had grown up in St. Louis. We traveled everywhere. We visited the Gateway Arch, Laclede's Landing, J.D Shelley Home, and every other black historical landmark in St. Louis. Terrence honestly made me feel welcomed and at home.

"The three months that followed, we did well in our relationship. There was no bickering or second-guessing if we cared for each other. Life was good. I sent pictures and letters home to my family to let them know I was okay, and was living a good life—compared to my marriage with Lucky. Then in the fourth month, Terrence did a three hundred and sixty-degree turn. I don't know what it was or why, but his attitude was not the same. Every day when he returned home from the base—he would be angry. He would be angry at the world, and particularly mad with me. If the dinner was not ready when he got home—he cursed me out. If his clothes weren't washed and ironed—he would curse me out. In truth, sometimes I would breathe wrong, and he would curse me out.

"One day when he came home from the base, I made certain the evening would have no problems. Dinner was ready. The newspaper was out, and I mean everything was perfect. I left nothing for an argument. Would you believe he found a reason to argue? He slapped me for spilling some of his soda on the table when I was bringing it to him. 'Look at what you did,' he argued. 'You can't do anything right. I thought you had changed. You still that no good wench I met in Philly.' I twisted my head and placed my hand on the table because I was sick of the arguing. Just as I was about to say what was on my mind he yelled, 'Get your hand off my table! You ain't pay for nothing around here.'

"Before I was able to react, he stabbed me in the hand with the fork. Blood flew from my hand. I screamed so loud that the neighbors across the street should have heard my cry. I pulled the fork out, and I ran to the bedroom. I locked it as quickly as I could. Terrence chased after me. Raven screamed and yelled. She stood behind Terrence calling out to me. In my panic, I had forgotten to grab my daughter. She stood behind Terrence and screamed.

'Leave my Mommy alone! Leave her alone!' she pleaded for me. I had to make certain she was safe. I ran out the room, and when I opened the door, Terrence was standing, and waiting. He grabbed me by my hair and slapped me repeatedly. My hand was bleeding badly, and I couldn't think of a way to stop him from hitting me. Raven's screams continued. She had even tried to get Terrence away from me. There was my little four year old fighting for her mother's life. Terrence pushed her to the side without missing a swing.

'Don't you ever lock me out of my own room!' he yelled. "You don't pay bills around here. This is my house! That is my door!" He pushed me against the wall, and punched me in the stomach. 'If I thought you would do that again, I'd kill you. I swear I would kill you.'

He had a look in his eyes that was so cold that I knew he was telling the truth.

'I won't baby. I'm sorry for what I did.' I pleaded so that I would just be able to grab Raven. Tears flowed down my face.

He slapped me again. I swung as hard as I could, and hit him in the eye. It stopped him for maybe a minute.

'Slut. Ahhhhhh!' he yelled while holding his eye.

I ran up the hall, grabbed Raven, and dashed back into the bedroom. I locked the door. Raven was screaming. Her voice pierced my ears. Terrence banged on the door like a mad man. He was kicking it, and slamming up against it like some crazed maniac. In a state of panic and confusion, I moved one of the dressers in front of the door so that he couldn't get inside. I needed an escape—but I didn't have anywhere to run. I ran to the window but couldn't get out because the opening was too small. Raven continued to scream.

'If you can't shut that screaming little girl up—I'll make it so that she won't be able to scream again! Make her shut up!'

I did everything I could to stop Raven from crying. I mean everything. 'It's okay baby. Mommy got you. Hush the noise. Mommy's okay. Stop crying now. Please stop crying for Mommy. Shush baby. Shush.'

Finally, I quieted Raven, and the house was silent. Terrence walked out of the front door, and slammed it as he left. Raven and I sat in the corner of my bedroom between the bed and the dresser afraid to move. I begged my daughter for forgiveness. I hated that I had put her in such a predicament. She didn't ask for any of it. While we sat there—I cried and prayed. There were even moments when I cursed God. I couldn't understand how God could allow something like this to happen to my child and me.

'You don't love me,' I yelled at God. 'How could you love me, and allow me to suffer like this? I've never done anything wrong. I've been a good person. Mama is wrong about you. I hate you. I hate you! I hate you.'

"I couldn't stop crying. 'What am I going to do?' I thought. 'Where am I going to go?' I held my daughter as tightly as I could. I wanted to leave that day, but I had no money and no way of getting any place. Blood soaked through my clothes and onto Raven. When an hour passed and I didn't hear anything else—I knew Terrence was gone, and it was safe to leave the room. He disappeared for three weeks. He didn't call or anything. I thought he was gone for good.

"I sat Raven down, walked over and pulled a head bonnet from the drawer, and wrapped my hand. I sat on the floor and continued to cry. I didn't know what else to do. I was afraid to call home. I didn't want my parents to know what had taken place. After all, I had just sent pictures and letters bragging of how good my life was. Raven stood next to me. She cried right along with me. I remember her giving me this little hug as if she was the mother.

'It's going to be okay, Mommy,' she said comforting me as best as a four year old could. 'We're going to be okay, Mommy. Papa will come and get us.' She placed her tiny hand on my face and wiped my tears.

"Three weeks my daughter and I had to sit in a house that had hardly any food, and no electricity. I borrowed some candles from the people next door so that when the night came—we wouldn't have to sit in the dark. Luckily, for us, it was a house with gas heat, and hot water. When Terrence finally returned, he tried to act as if nothing happened. He came back and we didn't speak for nearly three weeks. He had the lights and everything returned to normal. He put food in the refrigerator, but even with all that, we acted as if we didn't know each other. He slept in the big bedroom, and I slept in the smaller room with my daughter. The Saturday of the third week, Terrence sent flowers to the house and had a singing gram company to serenade me. I was impressed, and caught up in the romance of the whole thing. Later that night we agreed to take a walk together and he shared the reasons behind his behavior. He explained that after that night he realized that he couldn't control his anger. So, he took a few days to reflect, and had the base psychiatrist to admit him to counseling and evaluation. We talked for nearly four hours that evening. It was even one point in the conversation when he had me call the base psychiatrist, and she confirmed that Terrence had come to her for some help. I believed his reaching out for therapy was the answer God was sending to me. I prayed for Terrence to get some help because I could not take the abuse any longer. I couldn't put my daughter through it anymore. Our conversation seemed genuine. I'm going to be truthful; I fell for the game. That night Terrence and I made a commitment to be more kind, loving, and respectful to each other.

"Over the next four months, Raven and I went to the counseling center with Terrence. There were breakthroughs about the physical abuse he had received as a child from his father. The counselor led me to believe that Terrence could change, but I'm telling you as I'm sitting here next to you—that people only change when they choose to change. I will also say that people who understand how to manipulate people can convince anyone to believe anything. He fooled the therapist and me. I thought Lucky was good at persuasion—but Terrence was ten times more keening.

"Well after seven months of us seeing the counselor and learning how to deal with our issues—I began to feel sick at the stomach nearly every day. I was running a fever, nauseous, and cramping like crazy. I first thought I was having appendix problems. I had witnessed similar symptoms when my cousin had to get an appendectomy when we were fourteen. Terrence and I went to the emergency room to make certain everything was okay. I was not prepared for the doctor to enter the room and say I was pregnant. I was shocked. I took my birth control like a ritual. Every night around ten, I would pop a pill in my mouth just to make certain I was protected. None of my early pregnancy symptoms with Raven resembled any of what I had with her brother. When the doctor said I was eleven weeks, I was upset. It was difficult enough trying to provide for Raven, so I knew another child should never have been in the picture. When Terrence heard the news—he went wild. He was so happy that it was unreal. He catered to me day and night. 'Serena do you need this? Serena do you need that?' I could have probably asked him to walk ten miles in a sandstorm to search for peanut butter, pickles, and saltine crackers during the first three months, and he would have done it for me.

"Everything was fine until I began showing my pregnancy in my fifth month. In the beginning, Terrence thought it was cute until I gained the extra pounds, feet started swelling, and nose got bigger. Terrence didn't find it attractive anymore. I would watch him stare at me sometimes and I saw the disgust on his face. He hung out more, came home drunk, and did every other disgusting thing you could probably imagine. What really changed my feelings about him was the day Raven and I went out for a walk, and I came home and saw him in our bed having sex with another woman. I had taken Raven over to the playground so that she could play with some of the other children in the neighborhood. When we returned, I realized that I had locked us out of the house because I didn't grab the keys from the dining room table. I wasn't that concerned because Terrence's car was parked outside. That wasn't too unusual because he would often drop his car off to ride with friends to go to this bar not far from the base. I knocked on the door, and he didn't answer. I walked to the side of the house because I remembered I had left the window up to keep cool air coming inside. I was going to have Raven climb through to unlock the front door. When I saw him in the bed with another woman, I became sick to my stomach. I vomited right there at the window. He heard me getting sick and ran outside to where I was standing.

'Why are you spying on me?' he yelled. 'Get around to the front of the house.' He pushed me. I almost tripped and fell from him pushing me so hard. 'I told you not to be on me like that. Didn't I?'

As he questioned me, I watched his face turn to rage. I saw his hands begin to bald. He punched me in the stomach.

'Please don't!' I yelled raising my hands, and begged him not to hit me again. Raven stood at the edge of the driveway and yelled. 'Mommy! Mommy!' There was nothing I could do. I saw Terrence look towards her, and I knew he was going to try to do something to my daughter. I mustered the courage and pushed him. He turned and slapped me again. The woman who was in the house came to the door, and she had this look on her face as if she enjoyed him beating me. I actually believed it aroused her.

"She stood in the doorway of our house, the place I called home, and laughed. Terrence hit me as if I wasn't five months pregnant. I felt like a piece of punching equipment. When he finished hitting me, I sat on the ground drowning in tears. He and that woman walked passed as if my life was worthless. Even to this day, I can still hear Raven crying out to me.

'Mommy, get up. Get up, Mommy.'

One of the neighbors who lived across the street came out of his door when it was all over and noticed how bad I was bleeding. He rushed across the street to where I was, and picked me up.

'Let me take you to the emergency room,' he said.

I was so hurt and embarrassed—I couldn't respond. I nodded my head to say yes. He rushed me to the emergency room. God protected my unborn child on that day. I thought I had miscarried.

"While in the hospital, a social worker from St. Louis Social Services came to counsel me. She talked about a program that protected women who were in abusive relationships. She pleaded with me not to return to the house, but I explained to her that I would not allow some other woman to run me out of my home. I'll be honest and say I was being stubborn. There was no way I was going to give up. Too many people back home said I would end up in that situation, and I couldn't face knowing their warnings were right. As much as the social worker insisted to help—I refused her offers. Once I realized I could leave—I walked away from the social worker. I knew she was only trying to help; but I was mad at that moment, and there wasn't anyone who could have convinced me that I would not get even with Terrence. The social worker had even threatened to take Raven from me. However, what she didn't know was that I wasn't just some young uneducated girl who didn't understand the law. When she first threatened to keep Raven—I looked at her and said, 'Lady you must have lost your mind if you think I'm going to allow you to take my daughter anywhere.'

'I don't have a choice Ms. Johnson,' she responded. 'I don't think the environment is a safe place for your daughter.'

'Excuse me?' I replied. 'The conflict was not with my daughter. It was with me. And unless you can prove otherwise you have no legitimate claim to do anything with my daughter.'

When I challenged the social worker, she was stunned by my response. I stared at her with my eyes squinted, put my hand out for Raven to walk over to where I was standing, and started walking towards the exit of the emergency room.

'Can you wait one second Ms. Johnson and listen to me?' the social worker pleaded. I stopped with my back facing her and stood for about ten seconds before I responded. I was boiling inside.

'What?' I answered in anger. 'What do you want from me lady? What?'

'I'm only trying to protect you and your daughter Ms. Johnson. Why don't you allow me to help you?'

I didn't say anything. She walked closer and placed her business card in my hand.

'When you're ready, and if you ever need help—just call me.'

I grabbed the card from her hand and she walked away disappointed and concerned. The neighbor who had driven me to the emergency room sat and waited, and when I finished arguing with the social worker, he drove us back home. We didn't talk the entire drive. I knew he wanted to say something, but he didn't want to intrude into my life. When I got out of the car—I thanked him for his help, and told him that as soon as I got things together I would pay him for coming over to help me.

'You don't have to do that Miss. I'm glad I came when I did. If you need anything, please knock on my door. I'm just across the street. My name is Charles.'

"I waited all night for Terrence to return because I wanted to kill him. There was so much rage in me that evening that I knew exactly what I wanted to do to hurt him. However, he abandoned us, and I am so glad he didn't come back that night. The only other thing I could do was call home, and share with my parents what was going on with my life. They didn't even know I was pregnant. My mother cried over the phone. My father was ready to hop in the car to come and get us right at that moment. However, I wasn't going back home. I refused to give up. Later that month when the food and money had run out, I called the social worker and she helped me to get into the safe house for battered women with children. Twelve of us lived in that home. Two months passed, and I was now in my seventh month of pregnancy. I got a job at a McDonald's and worked just enough to earn enough money to go home. Whenever I would call home, my father would offer to come and get me, but I wanted to do it on my own. For too long I had depended on help from other people, and at that moment, I decided that moving forward, I would do things my way. I loved the women who lived in the shelter with me. During the short period I lived with them—they were family to me. I don't know what it is—but when people are in the same circumstances there is a different kind of strength they share with each other. It's like some unspoken bond that says together we will make it out of the situation. I worked at McDonald's day and night. The women in the shelter watched Raven while I worked. A week before I was to leave, I called home and told my dad I had earned my way home, and I asked if he would pick us up from the bus station.

"The night before I would leave, the women in the home gave me a sending off party. We cried, and wished each other well. Unto this day, I thank God for placing them in my life. I still keep in touch with some of the women. The next day, Cheryl the residence director drove Raven and me to the bus station.

'Serena,' she said. 'You are a very special woman. Please remember that. For you to have gone through the things you have, and survived is a blessing. You are blessed. Never think differently. God has something and someone special for you. God has his hands on you. Never forget it. Trust the plan God has for your life, and if you would just allow God to do what He wants to do with your life—you will live a life you could have never imagined.'

Even unto this day, her words still inspires me. When times get difficult—I reflect on what she said, and I find the strength to continue to push forward.

"When Raven and I arrived at the bus station to return to Philly, it felt strange. I had so many hopes for our new life in St. Louis but none of what I imagined materialized for us. In a sense, part of me felt regret while at the same moment I felt relieved. Ironically, we sat in the same seats when we first arrived in St. Louis. Tears dripped off my cheeks. Each tear seemed to represent all the tragedies I had encountered.

'Philadelphia leaving at gate nine.'

"I had the same suitcase from when I first arrived. However, the real difference in my life was that I was going home pregnant, and I had earned, and learned some wisdom. I noticed a man selling flowers. I bought one rose, and placed it in the chair where I was sitting. 'One rose in a field of weeds.' That's what I was when I entered St. Louis, and that's how I wanted to remember it.

"I boarded the bus, and the entire ride back I smiled. An old life I was returning, but to a new beginning. When the bus arrived in Philly, my father was at the station waiting. I hadn't been so happy in my life to see his face. Daddy just smiled. He looked at Raven, and pulled her close in his arms.

'Hey little girl, Papa missed you,' he said as he gripped her to his chest.

He held Raven so tight in his arms you would have thought he was holding on to money. It felt good to come home. I felt safe. My mother had the room cleaned, and ready for our arrival. She cooked both Raven's and my favorite foods, and the four of us sat in the kitchen all night talking.

"I stayed with my parents for maybe three weeks. It wasn't that I didn't want to live with them—it was just that I had been on my own since I was eighteen, and I needed my own place. That is when I decided to go to Social Services and apply for some assistance. In one week, they gave me this apartment, and this is where I have lived since my return to Philly. 'I'm telling you that it was nothing but the work of God,' the social worker said to me. There had never been a turnover for a place to live as fast as they had given it to me. She said normally when units like this apartment that is section eight—it is supposed to go to the next recipient on the list. How I got to the front of the line, only God knows. I accepted Social Assistance for about two years. After Little Terrence was born, I enrolled in a program down at Community College and graduated with an Associate's Degree in Occupational Health. As soon as I graduated, I was blessed to get hired at the Wellness Center where I'm currently employed."

##  Robert

As I listened to Serena tell me of her life—I felt sad for her. Who would've guessed she had gone through so much? Yet, I was puzzled. I didn't understand why Terrence was named after his father. So I asked her.

"After going through all those things with Terrence, why name your son after him? You said your son hadn't seen his father since he was three weeks old. How is that possible, when you and Terrence split up in St. Louis?"

She then answered me by saying, "There's more to the story. Soon after I moved in this apartment, guess who arrived. That's right, Terrence. He came back. And, like a fool, I fell for it again. I know you must be thinking I'm stupid for allowing him back in my life since he had caused me so much pain. Well don't worry; you're not the only person that feels that way. Maybe I was stupid for allowing him to come back in my life. It was just something about him that made me want to be with him. It's almost like being a drug addict. Whenever he came into my life—my desire for him took over. Besides, I thought it was only right that this child have a father. During that time, Lucky was off doing his own thing, and it seemed like Raven didn't exist to him. I wanted my son to know his father. As crazy as it sounds, that was my rationale. I wasn't a total fool though because I wouldn't allow Terrence to move in the apartment.

"Anyway, everything was going great. I didn't know at the time Terrence was dishonorably discharged from the military. No matter how much he begged to stay with me, I refused. I loved him, but I didn't trust him. We would see each other in the mornings and sometimes at night. But when it became too late—I would always ask him to leave. As much as I loved him and wanted him to be the right man for me—I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was now in the full term of my pregnancy, and two weeks late from my delivery date. It seemed like little Terrence didn't want to come into this world. I used to say that he knew who his father was, and didn't want to come out. The doctors had to induce my labor just to make that little rascal do his part. Big Terrence was as supportive as he knew how. To be perfectly honest, his attitude reminded me of the excitement he expressed when he first learned that I was to have his child. In the delivery room he encouraged me, held my hand when it was difficult, and when I had finally gave birth, he gave me comfort.

"The weeks that followed, he was still supportive. As much as I had hoped little Terrence had created a change in his father, I knew it wasn't possible. However, I took Terrence's support and used it one day at a time. I knew not to put all my trust in him again. I'll be honest and admit that I still couldn't break free from the hold he had on me. Then one day in the second week of little Terrence being home while I was burping him, I noticed he was having problems breathing. Terrence and I rushed him to the emergency room and learned that the baby had infant Respiratory Distress Syndrome or RDS for short. It's a life threatening lung disease that affects many premature infants. However, Terrence went full term, which made it an abnormal case. That is when big Terrence began to show his true colors again. He blamed me for the baby having respiratory problems. He was so ignorant about the disease—he actually believed I did something to cause the problem. If there were any problems that were caused by outside forces, it would have been from the time Terrence beat me and left me bleeding in front of that house in St. Louis. The doctors kept the baby in the hospital for two weeks to monitor and treat the problem.

"When little Terrence came home from the hospital, Big Terrence was looking after him while I was in the kitchen cooking and sterilizing bottles. I hadn't noticed when Terrence left the apartment with the baby. He called from a telephone booth and said he was taking the baby, and that I would never see my son again. I freaked out. I called everybody I knew—plus the police.

"Everybody was out looking for this fool. Finally, he returned with the baby. The police told us they couldn't arrest him because he was the father, and because he returned the baby without harm. On that day—I wised up. That was almost four and a half years ago. That was the last time I saw Terrence."

I looked at Serena when she finished speaking, and shook my head.

"You have had a very interesting life," I said.

She looked at me and I hadn't noticed how her eyes were tearing up. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and give her a hug. I think she knew it.

"What time is it?" I asked.

She stood and walked to the kitchen.

"Four o'clock," she answered.

"Four o'clock. I didn't think it was that late." I was surprised at how fast time had passed. "Are you ready to go out to get something to eat?"

"Yeah I'm ready," she answered, walked to her bedroom and returned with her purse.

When we walked outside, I stood by her front door as she struggled to lock it.

"Do you need help with that?" I asked.

"No. I'm fine. It just takes a minute because the key for the bottom lock is slightly bent."

I waited patiently as she finally locked the door. She walked ahead of me but stopped. There were two other vehicles parked outside her apartment. She waited to see which car I was driving. I unlocked the car door from where I stood, and started the ignition. She seemed stunned, turned and looked at me. I smiled.

"That's your car?" she asked nonchalantly as if seventy-thousand dollar cars are parked outside her apartment every day.

"Yes," I responded and was happy to see that she wasn't the type of woman that was impressed with material things. She didn't break her stride and walked to the curb. I couldn't help but watch her as she walked. There was confidence in her stride, and she had the best posture I had ever seen. Her walk reminded me of a ballroom dancer whose body is always erect with the shoulders squared.

I opened the passenger side door and waited until she climbed inside. The music was loud.

"OOPS. I'm sorry. I forgot to turn it down."

"Are you a big music lover?" she asked while placing on the seatbelt.

"Absolutely. I love music. I am an extremist when it comes to Hip Hop and old School Rap. But in truth, I really didn't appreciate music until after I went off to school. You know how it is with most black folks. We only listen to what we are familiar to culturally. When I was in college, I had a roommate that was a musician. He listened to everything, except Hip Hop. While we were in the dorm together, he and I would battle for music time. Some days he would blast his music, and I would try to drown him out with my music. It got to a point when I said I should give his music a chance. I wasn't going to let go of my Hip Hop, but I would open up my mind to other genres. The next thing you know I'm listening to Dizzy Gillespie, Charlie Parker, Louis Armstrong, Cecil Taylor, Earl Fatha Hines, Lockjaw Davis, Maxine Sullivan, Sonny Rollins, Alberta Hunter, Eubie Blake, and Charles Mingus. This cat had me listening to music genres that would never have caught my interest. He knew jazz and blues like you wouldn't understand. You know the sad thing about me learning all that music is that my roommate was this cool white boy from the back hills of Winchester, Virginia. He knew more about jazz and blues, and the history of the sound than me. Sometimes he would break down the psychology behind the music, and explained the mood of the era. We would talk, and I'd feel ignorant and embarrassed because he took more time to learn about my history than I had. Ever since then I've tried to learn as much as I could because it isn't good when you have other ethnicities seeing the value in your culture and community more than you. Wouldn't you agree?"

Serena looked at me as if I was crazy.

"Yeah. I guess you got a point when you look at it that way. You know how it was when we were younger. We liked what we liked, and nobody was really trying to change what we liked. Back then anyway, our parents were busy trying to feed us versus trying to teach us about culture. My parents had too many things on their minds. They believed it was the responsibility of the school to teach those things."

In a sense, Serena was right. For a brief second, I thought of my father and the many days he would come home exhausted, barely having time to talk with us about homework or anything else. There would be moments when he asked about our day, but by the time we finished sharing, he would be slumped over the sofa, and fighting to keep his eyes open.

"So tell me, what types of music do you like, Serena?" I asked.

"Me. I prefer the old R&B love songs from back in the day. Give me a little Luther, Anita, Vesta, Frankie Beverly, Atlantic Star, or even some Lenny Williams. That's the kind of music I enjoy. I like the music that speaks to the heart. I suppose it's the romantic inside of me. Rap is good, but I'll take an R&B feel good love song over it any day."

"Really?" I answered. "I got the right song for you. I changed the music. As soon as the music came on, she started screaming.

"That's my jam," she yelled. Marvin Gaye soft and soulful voice poured through the speakers. She began to sing. I pulled from the curb and we drove off with a soft R&B melody serenading our drive.

"Where would you like to eat?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter to me. You're the one treating. Wherever you want to go?"

"I'm treating! I thought you were paying for the meal."

She looked at me with a sarcastic look.

"No you didn't either. You asked for the date. Therefore, you are the one who pays." She smiled and winked.

I laughed. She was not the same woman that was with Lucky or Terrence. It appeared that she was more confident and in control of her life. I guess the experiences had made her strong or taught her to shield herself from manipulation. It didn't matter to me. I was happy with this Serena. She was a woman that knew what she wanted.

"I tell you what," I then said. "The first restaurant we see is where we will eat. Is that a deal?"

"That's fine with me," she answered and then leaned in the seat to get more comfortable. Due to the snow on the ground, it took us thirty-five minutes to drive from School House Lane and Henry Ave. to Josephine's Restaurant near the Art museum. It was the perfect spot for a first date. The atmosphere was tranquil, small, and cozy.

I wanted to go someplace that was relaxed, and not too stuffy. Josephine's was perfect. The lights inside were dimmed, and the soft jazz and blues that exited the speakers had a peculiar way of touching the spirit. Somehow, I knew Serena had never eaten there before. Our day had gone well thus far, and I didn't want to spoil it by going to some stuffy restaurant where the wait staff was uptight and cared more about a tip than making certain we enjoyed our experience.

It was now 5:30 and the sun was setting. Serena and I didn't talk much as we drove to the restaurant. I don't know if it was because we were enjoying the music or if she was scared of my driving in the snow. The restaurant wasn't crowded because I was able to park the car directly at the front entrance. It was perfect. Normally on a Saturday night, it would be a forty-five minute wait just to get a table. I parked the car, walked to the passenger's side, and opened the door for Serena. She wasn't used to this kind of treatment from a man, and after hearing the stories of her life—I wanted the evening to be special. As soon as we walked through the doors, the host greeted us.

"Good evening. Is this it for your dining party?"

"Yes."

"Excellent," she responded and escorted us to a table in the back of the restaurant. "I hope you have a wonderful dining experience this evening. Rhonda will be your server. She will be with you in a moment. In the meantime you can take a look at the menus for your order." She placed the menus in front of us and walked away.

"Do you see anything you like Serena?" I asked.

"Yeah, but everything on the menu looks good. I think I'm going to have the grilled tuna. No, I change my mind. I want the shrimp scampi in chardonnay sauce. Yes, that is what I'm going to have."

The server walked over and introduced herself.

"Hello, my name is Rhonda, and I will be serving you this evening. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

"Yes do you have any sweetened tea?" Serena asked.

"Yes Ma'am we do. It is our special blend with a tropical flavor. Would that be okay?"

"That sounds good," Serena responded.

"What will you have Sir?"

"I'll have the same," I answered.  
Serena whispered as she placed the menu on the table. "I told you about my life. Now tell me something about you."

"Okay. To start, my last name is Miller. I grew up in Maryland, but I hung out in D.C. so much—people thought I was from DC. I moved to Philadelphia six years ago. I moved here because of a job offer. But, it was also because I needed a change of pace in my life. As much as I loved Maryland and DC, I wanted to do something different. When I first decided to leave, everybody thought I had lost my mind. I didn't have any family or friends in Philly. Therefore, no one could understand why I was moving. In truth, my father had just passed, and my mother—well that is a different story for another time. When my father died—I felt empty. He had done so much for my sisters and I. People are always talking about single mothers doing such a wonderful job, but you hardly ever hear of people talking about the single fathers. The problem was that my dad was an old country boy from down south that happened to meet this beautiful and exciting woman from up north. He would tell me on many occasions that my mother taught him how to live. 'She was a wild one,' he would say. My mother loved to enjoy her life. My dad on the other hand believed in the importance of family and settling down. He was from North Carolina and grew up in a household with strong southern Christian values.

"My mother was a New Yorker that was exposed to everything. To tell the truth, they were probably more like oil and water versus salt and pepper. As much as my father admired my mother's spirit for fun and excitement, together they could never find a balance. He wasn't going to compromise on what he believed, and neither was she. Their marriage was a ticking time bomb that was counting down to explode. I remember when I was eight years old, and my mother had come home drunk and smelled like a pound of marijuana. My dad couldn't take it any longer. He was tired of my sisters and I watching our mother destroy the family he so eagerly wanted. My mother never wanted children. Somehow though, he found a way to put a rope around her long enough to get married and have children.

"The first five years of the marriage were great, but then my mom began settling into her old ways. Back and forth, she would run from New York, and Ohio to see her cousins, and back to Maryland. There was one incident when she had taken our youngest sister with her to Ohio, and got stranded. She had traveled there with one of her cousins from New York to celebrate one of their aunt's birthdays. My mother didn't have a problem with leaving Diamond and me in the house because she thought I was ten years old and responsible enough to watch Diamond until my father returned home from work. I begged her not to leave Diamond and me. I can still hear her saying to me, 'Stop your crying Robby. Your daddy will be home this evening—I have to go. Keep an eye on your sister. I'll be back on Monday.' She kissed me on the cheek, straddled my youngest sister Jade on her hip, kissed Diamond on the forehead, and left.

Diamond and I cried most of that morning and half the afternoon. We couldn't understand why she would leave us behind. We ate cereal for breakfast and lunch.

"When my father came home and saw that my mother was gone, had taken Jade with her to Ohio, and left Diamond and me by ourselves—he was madder than a man who came to a gunfight with a knife.

'Where's your mother Robby?' he asked.

'She left daddy, and took Jade with her.'

'What do you mean she left?' Steam was burning in his eyes. He leaned forward so that we could see eye to eye, and he placed his hands on my shoulders.

'She left this morning Daddy, right after you went to work.'

'Where did your mother say she was going? And, did she take your baby sister with her?'

'Yes sir,' I answered, and swallowed in nervousness. 'She left you a letter Daddy. It's on the kitchen table.' My father walked to the kitchen to read the letter. The more he read—the angrier he became. He walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs to his bedroom, and slammed his bedroom door. Right after that, the telephone rang, and it was our mother calling to tell my dad that she had just arrived in Ohio safely. My father yelled and cussed at her in ways I had never heard him speak. I had never known him to get so angry. He stormed out of his bedroom and hurried down the stairs to the kitchen where Diamond and I sat and afraid to move.

'Rob! You and your sister meet me at the car.'

'Come and let's get our coats Diamond,' I ordered as our father walked out back to our outhouse where he kept the lawn mower, and told us not to go inside without his permission.

"While my mother was in Ohio, she told my father that her cousin had left as soon as they arrived, and that she didn't have a way to return home. My father couldn't care less about my mother being stranded. His main concern was getting Jade. We drove eight hours to get my sister. It was cold out, and it was even colder in Ohio. When we left Maryland that afternoon, and while traveling all the way down the highway, my father was talking to himself. I thought he was going to kill our mother. When we arrived, my mom was at one of her cousin's house intoxicated from drinking and partying all evening. There had to be a dozen or so people standing on the porch when we arrived. There was so much smoke in the house that it filtered out the front door.

"We walked into the house, and everyone was sitting around playing cards. One of my mother's cousins stood from the table to give Diamond and me a hug, and kissed my father on his cheek. However, she saw that my father wasn't in any type of mood for her greetings. My mother was so out of it that she didn't even notice when we first walked into the house. When she did notice us, she acted as if it didn't matter. She had a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. My father then walked over, grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her from the table. The room became silent.

'Where's Jade?' he asked.

'She alright, Robert. Let me go,' my mother responded and jerked her arm from him.

'Don't have me to ask you again Janet,' my father said. His voice became sterner, and my mother's cousin saw the anger boiling in him. It was evident to all of us that my father was only seconds from wanting to knock my mother out.

'The baby is over Henry's place,' someone yelled. The look in my father's eyes turned stone cold.

To this day, I've never seen that type of look in anybody's eyes.

'What?' he responded in disbelief. I grabbed Diamond by the hand and pulled her closer to me. I can remember that day as if it was yesterday. Once my father heard whose house Jade was staying, he grabbed Diamond and me and stormed out of the house.

'Yeah. You go on out here, Robert! Just walk out as you always do,' my mother yelled as we walked out of the door. When I turned to look at her, she was standing with tears in her eyes. However, my father never turned to respond. I was too young back then to understand what my mother was feeling, but as I sit here with you—I can say, it was like a cry for attention.

"When we arrived at the house that my mother had left Jade to stay, my father demanded us to stay put in the car. He slammed the car door and walked militantly to the front door of the house. He had his pistol in one hand and his switchblade in the other.

'Open this door, Henry!' he yelled. 'Where's my daughter?' Uncle Henry opened the door. He and my father stared each other down like enemies of war. The next thing we see is our father raising the pistol to Uncle Henry's face. They argued for nearly fifteen minutes. They walked into the house, and we heard two gunshots. Our father came out of the house carrying Jade in his arms. He had placed his coat over top of her so that she would be warm. Tears poured down his face.

'I've had enough,' he continued to utter to himself as he placed Jade in the back seat. He climbed in the driver's side and sat for the next fifteen minutes with the car running.

'I can't take this anymore!' he screamed in a loud cry. 'Why can't she do right Lord? Why can't she be the woman I need her to be for these children?'

His pleading made us all cry. My father was trying to be a good man, but had the wrong woman. Later that morning when we got back to Maryland, my dad decided if my mother wasn't going to do right, he would have to let her go. His decision didn't matter much because my mom didn't come home until three weeks later—only to leave again. I would hear them arguing through the telephone, and I heard him say to her that she has three children that loved her more than the world. My mother didn't want to hear what he was saying. She wanted the world by her rules. There was no way she would allow three kids to stop her from living life on her terms. I didn't see my mother again until I was eighteen year old. By that time, our father worked his behind off to provide the best for us. The sad thing is that he worked so hard that it destroyed and killed him. It has been six years since my father passed.

"My sister Jade and I talk every day, and she visits on the weekend usually twice out of the month. Diamond on the other hand will not talk to me as much. We were sharing so many responsibilities together when I was in Maryland, and now she feels as if I left her to handle it all alone. I will explain that situation to you on our next date. However, when I was contemplating leaving ten years ago, I explained to my sister that Maryland has too many bad memories for me. I needed an escape, and I couldn't see my life progressing in Maryland."

The conversation exhausted me. I began to get emotional thinking of all the missing pieces I left from my childhood. I respected Serena for having authentic conversation with me; I on the other hand, wasn't ready to make my life a complete open book. Nor did I want to run her away. I took a sip from the glass of water the server left as I was talking. I needed to take a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" Serena asked.

"Yeah, I'm cool. See—I told you my life isn't as interesting as yours. Am I boring you?"

"No. I'm glad you shared. It took a lot for you to share all of that. Your relationship with your dad reminds me of my relationship with my dad. He and I are close like you were with your father."

For the next few moments, I didn't say much else. The conversation had touched a nerve and I was emotionally drained. Lately, it seemed whenever I spoke or thought of my father no longer being with me—my heart would ache. Perhaps it was because loneliness had settled in my life ever since Tiffany left. I signaled for the server. She returned with our drinks and soon after with our order. Every now and again, the server would return to check and see if we needed anything more to drink. The food was delicious. Serena plunged into the plate without any hesitance.

"Hmm," Serena murmured. "This is good. I can't keep my mouth away from it long enough to talk to you. But, may I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure you can ask me anything." I knew her question even before she asked. I tried to avoid the discussion as long as I could.

"Robert, tell me about the women in your life. I've told you nearly everything there is to know about my children, my ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, and me. You haven't touched that conversation at all. Is that something you would rather not discuss?"

I moved closer to the table. I began to fidget in my seat. Serena waited for an answer. Where was I to begin? Better yet—how was I to have a conversation about the women in my life without showing my feelings for Tiffany?

"Well the truth is Serena; I just came out of a relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry. I didn't really want to have this conversation because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I understand." She scooted closer.

"I'm not uncomfortable with it at all. I would rather hear it from you now as oppose to some other time. I believe, especially after all the things I've gone through in my life—to expose everything in the beginning. That way there are no surprises. And trust me I know surprises."

She looked at me with her warm brown eyes. I don't know what it was about her stare, but I felt comfortable enough to tell her everything. I took another deep breath. In the beginning of the conversation, I found it difficult to open up, but after letting out my relationship secret—I wanted to share everything about Tiffany.

"Alright," I said with a sigh. "It's been about three months. The past four years I've been in a relationship with someone who meant everything to me. Truthfully, I couldn't see myself with anyone other than her. She was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life. It seemed as if we had the perfect relationship. We had the same goals. Every moment I was with her seemed like a new day. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for her. I mean nothing."

"So what happened?" Serena asked.

"That's the problem. I don't know. Three months ago, she came to my place and began to move out her things. Tiffany's and my relationship was wonderful. We had made the decision that she would move in with me after the wedding, and we would later purchase a home together. Just as everything seemed to fall in place, the ground fell from beneath me. One day when I came home from work, she and one of her girlfriends were standing in my living room packing all her stuff. Tears were rushing down her face. I didn't know what was taking place.

'What's going on, Tiffany?' I asked. She never answered, but continued to put her belongings in the boxes. So I asked her again.

'What's going on?' Still she wouldn't respond. When I grabbed her hand, she pulled away.

'Get away from me Robert,' she yelled. 'I just have to leave you. Don't make this any harder than it needs to be.'

'Why?' I asked. 'What did I do?' She just broke down in tears. The entire time her girlfriend stood by the door crying. I mean you would have thought somebody had died. The mood felt so somber that it was like a heavy gloom had just landed in the room. So I ran over to her friend, and I asked what was going on? She just shook her head and walked out the door.

'Tiffany!' I cried out. 'What is happening?' I asked if she was hurt or was seeing somebody else. I wanted her to tell me something. She never did. She took her engagement ring off her finger, and placed it in my hands.

'I'm sorry Robert,' she said. 'Please don't ask me any questions. Not now anyway.'

'What?' I yelled. 'What do you mean? You and I love each other. In four months, we are supposed to be married, and you say I can't ask any questions. What kind of nonsense is this? You have to tell me something Tiff.' I held her hand tight, but the more I tried to hold on to it—the more she pulled away. Her face was stoned. I felt as if she was hiding something. Tears poured down my face. The woman I loved walked out on me without any explanation. When she left, and closed the door behind her—my world crumbled. I stood in the middle of my living room dazed for nearly twenty-minutes. I was in shock. Later that night I tried to call her, but she wouldn't answer. I drove over to her place and tried to open the door with the key, but the locks were changed. It was like something out of a movie. It was crazy. The next day I took off from work and drove over to her place to see if she would be there. When I arrived at the apartment the security guard Tony, who knew about our engagement thought I was coming to get the last of Tiffany's things. He thought maybe some stuff was left behind from the move. When he said the move I asked what he was talking about, and to my surprise Tiffany had vacated her apartment two weeks prior. I never knew. She was always at my place so I didn't think she was emptying out her apartment. Immediately, I pulled out my cell phone to call her parents hoping they could provide some answers. They were clueless to what was taking place. Apparently, Tiffany told them that she was going to be gone for a few months, and she would call to let them know she was okay. It didn't bother them much anyway because they weren't her real parents. She was a foster child that was moved from home to home up until she was sixteen. They didn't show any concern. That was the last time I saw Tiffany. I don't know what happened or anything. She's never called me. Friday when I met you was the first time I ventured away from my normal routine of leaving the office and going home to sit in misery. I've been moping around like a wounded puppy. That night in the club was the first time I tried to escape my thoughts of Tiffany. It's been three months, and I've accepted that she's not going to return. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. But I can't wait in that space any longer. It's time to move forward."

Serena grabbed my hand. In the midst of telling the story, I noticed her eyes becoming watered.

"Okay," I said while holding her hands. "That's enough about me. I got you all teary eyed and everything. Let's order some dessert." I signaled for the server.

"Can we get a dessert menu?" I asked.

"Absolutely," she answered. "I'll bring it right over."

Serena was still holding my hands. She held them with one hand while she massaged them with the other.

"Wow," she said. "That's what you call a tragic love story. And you still don't know why she left?" She shook her head in amazement.

"No. I don't. I guess that's how she wanted it." The thought of knowing that I was ready to move forward with my life caused me to pause. I reflected for a second on what Tiffany and I shared. I shook my head and exhaled. It was like months of exhaustion was released, and I could face knowing that my heart had been broken, but I would survive.

"Uhm," Serena sighed. "I think I'm afraid of you now."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because you will always battle with not knowing why she left, and the love will always haunt you. I know that's probably not the appropriate thing to say, but I'm being honest. Until you get closure—it will be hard for you to love anyone."

We sat quiet for a minute. I thought about what Serena said. Whether it was true or not, I didn't know. But what I did know was that I was willing to try love again.

We left the restaurant around eight o'clock. It was still early. However, it was dark.

"Would you like to do anything else this evening?" I asked.

"Not really," she answered. "Would you mind if we just went back to my apartment? I just want to rest. I haven't had much sleep in the past two days."

"No, I don't mind at all. I'll take you home." She grabbed my hand and we began to walk towards the car. The fact that Serena had become so comfortable with me felt good. Our date was going well. I was amazed at our connection. It was as if we had known each other all our lives.

As we drove back to her apartment, I could feel her staring at me. Whenever I would turn to look, she would act as if she wasn't.

"You're funny," I said laughing.

"Why do you say that?"

"Every time I feel you staring at me, you turn your head as if you're not looking. Is it something that you want to ask?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to seem too nosy."

I knew she wanted to know more about Tiffany. I could feel it.

"Go ahead. Ask your question. You said we should let it all out in the beginning."

"Okay then," she pondered in thought. "Are you still in love with Tiffany? If she came back today—would you drop everything to be with her?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yes. If you don't mind."

We came to a red light. I sat tall in the seat.

"First, the answer is yes. My heart still feels for her. I don't know if it is the same love as before or just the wanting to know, but I still love her. If you had asked me this question on Thursday, I would've definitely said yes. But, I can't say that now. I'm actually unsure. Friday, when you walked over and introduced yourself—something was released. I don't know if it was because I needed to get Tiffany off my mind, or if there is a real connection between you and me. What I will tell you is that something changed."

"Really Robert, I'm sorry to be a cynic but I don't know if that's possible. I'd love to think that I could have such a magical effect, but I'm certain what you are feeling is a temporary bandage."

The light turned green and I continued to drive. Serena slumped in her seat. We didn't say a thing for the next few miles until we reached the curb of her apartment. I parked the car and walked her to the door. I reached out to shake her hand.

"I had a good time today. Thank you." She pulled her keys out of her pursed and turned to look at me.

"You are a good man, Robert. I don't know if I'm ready for you or not." She leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and quietly walked inside her apartment.

##  Serena

When Robert left, I had to make a choice to whether I should pursue seeing him again. I was afraid of him. As much as I prayed to meet someone nice—I was scared knowing that his feelings were attached to someone else. However, I have never had a man who made me feel as much as a woman as he did. He was different from all the men I had ever given my time. Sure, it had only been one day of knowing him, but I felt something positive about his character. Our brief moment together felt like a life journey. When I listened to him share about his recent break up, I wanted to climb over the table and hug him because he needed it. What am I going to do? He didn't even try to kiss me. Maybe this was my prince charming. Perhaps this was the time in my life when he would come on his black stallion horse to sweep me off my feet.

I watched from the living room window as Robert drove away. I really didn't want him to leave. I walked to my bedroom and climbed in the bed. For some unknown reason—I began to cry. Why? I didn't know. Could it have been—for the first time in my life, a man authentically shared himself with me? Maybe it was because I felt special. I sat in the bed, stared in the ceiling, and snuggled underneath my comforter. I thought of all those nights when I didn't have good thoughts about men, and vowed to never expose my heart. I've had several men in my life, but not one of them ever made me feel as special as Robert did on this evening. He tapped into my womanhood and offered a different kind of respect. It was good. Thank you Lord. Thank you.

##  Chapter Three: Secrets

Kept hidden from knowledge or view; concealed

##  Robert

The next morning the telephone rang. I was still asleep when the ringing from the phone startled me. I moved my hand to the nightstand as fast as I could to make certain the loud ringing wouldn't continue to sound like a gong in my ears.

"Hello," I answered. My mouth was dry and felt like I had been eating sand in my dreams. So I tried to swallow to at least get some moistness inside my mouth.

"Hi Robert," Serena responded.

"Hey." Who is this?" I asked and not picking up her voice.

"It's me Serena. You forgot me already?"

"Nah. Come on, now. I could never forget you. What time is it?"

"Twelve o'clock."

"Twelve. Are you serious?" I responded agitated at myself because I slept too late. "Shoot! I meant to get up much earlier than this."

"Are you still in the bed? If so I can call you back once you've gotten yourself together."

"No. No. It's okay. I need to get up anyhow. By the way, what do I owe you for this wakeup call? I didn't expect to hear from you this early."

She paused for a few seconds. "I thought of you, and how well you treated me yesterday. I'm calling to say thank you for treating me so well."

"I only did what any respectful man should. I enjoyed being with you. I'm the one that should say thanks."

The conversation became quiet. I suppose it was because neither one of us knew how to take a compliment. Serena rambled quickly. "Oh!" she said as if she had forgotten her thought.

"The other reason to why I'm calling is because some of my friends and I are putting together a little dinner this evening, and I thought maybe you would like to come join us."

"Wow," I answered. "Meeting the friends so soon. I must have made a good impression," I said teasing. However, it didn't seem as if Serena saw the humor. "I would like very much to have dinner with you and your friends. What time should I be there?"

"Between four and five. But I would say closer to five."

"Is there something you would like for me to bring?"

"Just you. Anything more than that may be too much for me," she laughed flirting.

"Okay, I'll be there."

Serena and I hung the phone up. I got out of bed, and went to the bathroom to shower. I must have been tired because I'm usually up around six or before every morning. I was angry because I had every intention of attending church. Pastor was doing a continuation from the sermon the week before about God's plans for our lives, and I really wanted to get the message he was going to teach. The prior week I was so inspired by the sermon, that I took three pages of notes. Most of what he was teaching related to my life.

When I came out of the bathroom, I walked to the kitchen, and fixed me a bowl of cereal. The Eagles were playing the Cowboys. The game was good. I had gotten so caught up in watching the game that I forgot about the dinner. The Eagles were up by seven and the Cowboys had the ball. The Eagles defense could not make a mistake.

"Okay guys, don't blow this!" I shouted to the television. "Watch the pass. Watch the pass. We can't allow them to get a first down." The ball snapped, the pass was thrown, and the Cowboys threw a thirty-five yard pass with enough time to score and go for the two-point conversion. I was now standing on my sofa and yelling at the defense as if I had been coaching them all season.

"What are you guys doing?" I yelled. "Come on. You gotta step up the D." The snap was taken. The pass resulted in an interception.

"Yes!" I yelled. "Yes. We did it. We did it." I leaped from the sofa, and ran around the living room like a mad man. All was now good in my world. The telephone then rang. I didn't hear the ringing the first time because the surround sound was turned to the highest level.

"Hello," I answered excited and out of breath.

"Hey Robby." It was Jade. Her voice sounded strange. I knew from her tone that something was wrong.

##  Jade

I didn't want to call Robby, but I didn't have much of a choice. Nearly three days I sat and thought whether I should get him involved. When I first got the call, I was stunned. It had been six years since daddy passed, and twenty years since we had seen or heard from our mother. She had brought so much pain into our lives; to think of giving her help seemed like an unreasonable request. The call came late that Thursday afternoon. I had just come home from work, and I was exhausted. My little five and six year olds in my first grade class had run me up a wall. The only thing I wanted to do was come home, get a nice hot bubble bath, grab a glass of wine, and chill.

I thought when I moved to teaching at a Charter School that my disciplinary problems with the children would change. Not true. The only difference was that the classes were a little smaller, but they were the same children with the same problems. However, teaching was my passion and I had to deal with any problems that came because of pursuing my career. When the telephone first rang, I hesitated whether I should climb from my relaxed mood to answer it. The bubbles were warm on my body, the candles were flickering perfectly, and the music relaxed me. I had finally gotten some peace for the day, and I needed it. However, all that ended as soon as I noticed I hadn't brought the cordless with me to the bathroom. If it were not for the fact, I was waiting on a call from Stephen—I wouldn't have answered. He and I had made plans to get together later that evening but he had also mentioned he would be running late and would call if the plans changed. Much to my surprise, it wasn't Stephen. Bubbles were still running down my body as I leaped from the tub to run and grab the phone.

"Hello," I answered exhausted—hoping to catch the call before it bounced to voicemail.

"Hi. Is this the Miller residence?" A small timid voice asked.

"Yes it is," I responded curious to who was calling. "I apologize Ma'am for intruding this evening. My name is Dr. Strong from John Hopkins Hospital. Are you related to Mrs. Janet Miller?"

I didn't know how to respond. Someone was calling about my mother, and I didn't know how it concerned me.

With hesitance, I answered. "Yes. Uhm. This is her daughter. What is this concerning?"

"Ms. Miller, your mother has been admitted to John Hopkins. We found in her belongings your telephone number and a Mr. Jack Miller as an emergency contact."

"Excuse me," I responded agitated and annoyed. "My mother and Father haven't been together for nearly twenty years. And, my father has been deceased for six. What do you want from me Dr. Strong?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Miller, but we had this number as a contact. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have. Nevertheless, the truth is, your mother has suffered a very severe stroke. She will recover. However, it will not be an easy recovery. She will need full medical attention."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She then took a deep breath because she recognized the call was awkward for me.

"To be perfectly honest with you Ms. Miller, your mother will need someone to look after her for a while."

"I'm sorry Doctor, but I don't think I'll be able to help you. Our mother has never been there for us, and whoever brought her to the hospital should be capable of looking after her."

The phone went silent. I knew I wasn't being nice or sympathetic, but how could I care for someone who never cared for me.

"That's the problem, Ms. Miller. No one brought your mother to us. Your mother was found lying in the middle of downtown Baltimore unconscious. An EMT unit transported her to our facility. We assumed that she was just visiting Baltimore, because all of her identification had an Annapolis residence. Even her insurance information was based on your phone number and I'm assuming your address as well. However, I'm sorry to have taken up your time."

Ever since Thursday, Janet had been on my mind. I hadn't told anyone except for Stephen about the phone call. He convinced me on Saturday that I should at least call Robby. We all knew how Diamond felt about our mother, and there was no sense in getting her involved. The last time we mentioned trying to locate our mother—Diamond threw such a tantrum that I knew not to speak of it again.

Robby answered the telephone out of breath as if he had been exercising.

"Hey Sis. What's going on?"

"Why are you so out of breath?" I asked and still thinking whether I should tell him about Janet.

"I was watching the game, and the Eagles won."

"And?"

"And I had to do a victory lap around the living room."

"Robby you have lost your mind. You've been up there so long with them Philadelphians— you're starting to act like one of those crazy fans."

"I know. I need to chill out. Besides, I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to a dinner."

"Oh, you're going out?"

"Yes, a friend of mine I met on Friday invited me to dinner."

"Really," I said smiling and happy for Robby. I knew how low he had been for the past couple of months. "From the sound of your voice this must be a woman friend who invited you."

"Yes it is. Look at you being all nosy. Now, I know you didn't call to pry. What's going on? Is everything okay with you and Stephen?"

"Yes of course. Why did you ask me that?"

"I don't know. It just sounded like I heard something in my baby sister's voice when I first answered the phone."

I began to laugh. Although he was right—there wasn't anything going on with my relationship with Stephen. We were doing well. Still I couldn't figure out how to say Janet needed help. I didn't know how he would react. Robby had done so much for Diamond and me that I didn't want to put another thing on his plate. In all honesty, if it weren't for Robby taking over after daddy died, I don't know how I would have gotten through college. Robby became my primary support. I would try to reach out to Diamond, but she was so consumed in her own world that it seemed like she didn't have any interest. Besides, it would be hard to talk with her. She reminded me so much of daddy. Everything about her demeanor was stern. No matter what I or Robby would be going through, Diamond would always tell us to get it together because there are too many other large issues going on in life to deal with the petty nonsense we called problems. Her attitude alone was one of the reasons I decided not to call her about Janet. I can almost imagine how that conversation would have sounded. I would have said that Janet was in the hospital and needed some help, she would have said that it isn't our problem, and we need not to think about Janet. Although, I also believed she would have been correct in saying so—I also felt that we should do something.

"Jade, are you still there?" Robby asked as the phone went silent.

"Yes, I'm still here. I just thought I heard someone out on the porch. Listen, the reason I called is because I got a call from this doctor pertaining to Janet.

"Say what?" Robby responded in confusion. "Janet Miller, our mother?"

"Yes. Apparently, she had suffered a stroke and had daddy down as an emergency contact. This crazy heifer didn't even know daddy died. Anyway, this doctor called and said that Janet need some help."

"When did you get this call? What did the doctor want from you?"

"My help. Our help. She said that Janet was found unconscious in the middle of downtown Baltimore. She also made it clear that Janet would need some serious help as she goes through the rehabilitation and recovery process."

"What did you tell her?" Robert asked with an unusually curious response.

"I told her the truth. We haven't seen nor heard from our mother in twenty years, and there was nothing that I could do for her. But she said some of the strangest things as if Janet was still a member of our family. She said that my address is still considered Janet's place of residency for all insurance information and things like that. It blew my mind."

Robby didn't respond. I didn't know what he was thinking. All I know is that he began to act very strange. Soon after I shared everything with him—he began to rush me off the phone. This was unusual for him.

"Jade," he then asked. "Have you spoken with Diamond about any of this yet?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"No particular reason. I just didn't want to upset her with this. You know how she is. You know how she feels about our mother. Jade, can I call you back in about five or ten minutes?"

"Yeah of course," I answered and knowing that my brother was up to something. It was almost as if he was keeping some type of secret. "Is everything okay Robert? You are sounding kind of strange to me."

"No everything is fine sweetie. This whole thing threw me for a loop. Janet, our mother needs our help. It kind of freaks me out. But listen, let me go, and I will call you right back. Okay."

I knew something was up. The only time my brother would ever call me sweetie is when he was trying to either protect me, or hide something from me.

##  Robert

I called Diamond when I hung the phone up with Jade. I needed to know what was happening. I first dialed Diamond's home phone but didn't get an answer. If I knew her as well as I thought, she was probably at some flea market trying to get a deal. Every Sunday Diamond would travel all over Maryland just to find out what community was having the largest yard sale. I don't know what it is about her and other people's junk, but she would collect it as if she had found some treasure. I called her cell. The phone rang twice before she answered.

"Hello."

"Diamond. It's me Robby."

"Hey Robby. What's going on?"

"You, that's what." I then took a deep breath. "Where's our mother?"

"I don't know. I guess she's where she always is. In the group facility."

"No Diamond. She's not there."

"What? What do you mean she isn't there? I just saw her two weeks ago when I stopped in to make additional payments for her stay, and to see how she was doing."

"No. No. No, Diamond. She isn't there," I sighed. "She's in Baltimore in some hospital. Now how she got from D.C. to Baltimore without either you or I knowing about it—I don't know. Now the problem is that they found all her medical information, and called to the house and spoke with Jade. Jade just called me."

"When?" Diamond asked.

"I don't know. I didn't ask Jade. Maybe it was today or something. I don't know. All I do know is that—it was our promise and responsibility to keep an eye on her, and to keep her out of Jade's life. Now this happens."

"Robby. I don't know what the big deal is. It's time that Jade knew the truth. She's very capable of handling what we have to say. Why don't we just tell her the truth?"

"Do you want to tell her the real truth Diamond, or part of the truth?" I answered angrily. "You know just as well as I do—that if Jade knew everything, it would destroy her, and the relationship she has with you and me."

Diamond began to laugh. I could almost see the smirk on her face. "It's not me that you're worried about Robby. Your relationship with her is bothering you. You don't want her to know that you've been keeping a secret from her all these years."

"No Diamond. You're wrong. I'm not worried about that at all. I know what I'm doing is the right decision for her life. I don't want her to hurt from any of this. We've had so many lies thrown at us—that I don't want her to experience the same baggage."

"Why Robert? Because Jade is so perfect."

"No Diamond. Because she's innocent. It isn't fair that you and I had to go through all the things that we did—especially you. But do we have to allow her to fight the same demons? I'm just trying to protect her Diamond. That is all I want to do."

"Alright Robby. What do you want from me?"

"Give Jade a call, and let her know that you and I talked. Of course, she is going to be surprised that you called. The only thing I want you to do is find out what hospital they have our mother. When you find out where she is, go get her and somehow get her back to D.C. I will find another nursing facility that can help her, and we will send her there. Can you do that?"

"Yes Robert, I can do that. And stop talking to me like I don't have any sense. I didn't go through medical school for you to talk down to me."

"Give me about five minutes and I'll call Jade because I told her I would call her back. Oh, and Diamond, try and sound just a little annoyed by all of this as you always do."

I returned the called to Jade. It seemed to me that she was waiting by the phone because she answered on the first ring. I had to somehow relieve Jade's curiosity so that she wouldn't become overly eager to help our mother.

"Jade it's me, Robby."

"Hey Robby. I was worried about you from how you hung up the phone the first time we talked."

"Yeah. I know. The information caught me off-guard."

"I know. Me too," Jade responded. "I hope I did the right thing. When I told the doctor I couldn't help her, it seemed like the right thing—but now I'm thinking why not help. She is our mother. Just because she couldn't be good to us—doesn't mean we shouldn't forgive and be good to her."

Jade was being her typical self. I had to defuse her wanting to reach out and help our mother. It would only complicate things. Besides, there was much more at stake. We had many secrets, and I needed to protect my little sister.

"Listen Jade. You did the right thing. I don't want you to be concerned with this. If you hear anything else from that hospital or doctor, have them call me."

"Okay Robby. I will. Hey, aren't you supposed to be going to dinner? What time are you expected to be there?"

I had forgotten about meeting up with Serena. It was a good thing Jade reminded me. It was now quarter after four and I was going to be late.

"Jade, I'll give you a call later sweetie. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's fine. I'll talk with you tomorrow, or better yet I'll e-mail you from my classroom."

"Alright, li'l sis. I love you."

"Love you too, Robby."

By the time I got dressed, it was time to leave. I called Serena to let her know I was on my way. My entire drive, I could not stop thinking about how Diamond and I was going to handle the situation with our mother. There were so many things running through my mind that I couldn't focus; then I thought about Serena, and how perfect our evening was on yesterday. The remembering of her collected my thoughts and I was eager to see her again.

I pulled up to the front of her apartment and two guys were standing on her stoop.

"Excuse me fellows," I said as I walked between them.

I knocked on the door. Loud music came from inside the apartment. It sounded more like the club rather than a dinner affair. As I stood there, I got to thinking.

"Who could be over here?" I knocked on the door again. No one answered. Then one of the guys on the porch said, "Go ahead in Bruh. It's cool."

I didn't like walking in someone else's home uninvited, but I didn't want to stand on the porch any longer looking like a fool.

I turned the knob, and walked inside. I didn't see anyone in the living room, but there were a group of people sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hello," I yelled as I stepped inside the apartment.

"Hello," one of the women yelled back.

"Can you tell me where Serena is? I recognized two of the women from the night I met Serena.

"Rene is in the bedroom changing. She spilled something on her clothes."

"Thank you," I responded and looked like a lunatic out of place. I then walked to the living room to sit. Serena came out of the bedroom. She greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey. I'm glad you made it."

"You have a lot of people over here." I peeked towards the kitchen.

"Come and let me introduce to you everybody." She grabbed my hand, and pulled me from the sofa.

"Robert this is Chenea and this is Joy. You should remember them. They were with me on Friday."

I shook their hands.

She then introduced the two other women sitting on the other side of the table.

"This is Dawn, and Terri," Serena pointed.

"Hello." I shook their hands.

The two guys who were standing on the porch entered and she introduced them as Kevin, and Avery.

"What's up fellows?"

I gave each of them a firm shake. My father always said, "When shaking the hand of another man to give him a firm handshake so that you both will respect each other."

Serena walked over to the oven and opened the door very fast. Smoke poured out.

"Dang it!" she yelled. "I can't believe you all let this chicken burn. What? You couldn't smell it?" she yelled.

She then reached above the sink and grabbed the oven mittens, took the chicken out of the oven, and placed it on top of the stove.

"That's okay though. All of you will be eating the crispy pieces. Robert and I will eat the nicely cooked ones."

"Forget you and Robert." Another woman spoke as she entered the kitchen from nowhere. "And who is Robert anyway?"

She was in the bathroom when Serena introduced everyone else.

I recognized the voice. It was the third woman from the club. When Serena and I had finally finished dancing that evening in the club—I walked her to the car. When we arrived, her friends were already sitting inside and waiting. I know it was cold out and that she and I probably shouldn't have wasted so much time talking, but I didn't see any need for her friend to be so rude to me.

"Hurry and get in the car, Rene," she yelled from the back seat.

"Haven't you had enough of that man tonight?"

When I looked in the car I could not see her face through the tinted windows, but her voice pierced me bad. I wanted to put my foot through the window and drop kick her in the snow. There I was trying to put my final touches on such a wonderful evening, and this woman was ruining it for me. "Alex shut your mouth up," said Serena.

Alexis was her name. She didn't act like an Alexis to me. With a name so eloquent, she was far from anything proper.

"I'm Robert," I answered in a deeper voice.

She walked over and stood extremely close. She was so close that I could feel her breath on my skin.

"And? I'm Alex." She widened her eyes as to say, "You are not important."

I looked at her, and shook my head.

"And, you did that to prove what?" I asked and laughed sarcastically to let her know that I could also be a fool.

She looked stunned that I returned a smart remark. "You are alright with me," she said. "I like you." She tapped me on the shoulder. I smiled at her. We laughed.

"I'm glad that the two of you are cool with each other," Serena responded. "Now come on over here and get this food."

Three other men arrived at the dinner a little later. I learned their names to be Fred, Andrew, and Leroy. We all had a great time. They were friendly down to earth people. It was a different atmosphere for me. I would normally hang out with stiff neck brothers, and uptight sisters that looked down on others. I enjoyed the time I shared with Serena's friends because they were real, and there was nothing pretense about anyone in the room. It was good to be in a room of genuine people that didn't have any secret agendas. I was accustomed to being with people that always pretended they were more than they actually were—that I had forgotten how comfortable it was to just sit and have honest conversation about any topic. Sure, we talked about politics, our careers, and all the normal conversation that people will have to get to know each other. However, this crowd was different because no one actually cared who earned what, or who knew whom. Therefore, I was able to let down my guard to have a good time. I especially loved the time we spent playing cards, and making jokes. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time.

The way Serena and I were hanging on to one another seemed like we had known each other for months, or even years. I enjoyed her being so comfortable with me. It felt good.

As the night ended, I was in good relations with everyone. The evening may have started as an awkward situation because I was new to the crew—but at the end, they welcomed me as if I was their own. As everyone left, Serena and I escorted each of them out the door. Alex and Fred were the last to leave.

"It was nice meeting you Rob," Fred said as he shook my hand and gave me the brother hug. "We have to hang out without the women."

"I'm with that," I responded. "You got my card, right."

"Right here," he answered as he tapped his chest coat pocket.

"Bye Robert," said Alex. "Don't do anything I would do." She smiled.

"Get outta here girl," Serena responded with this more than life grin on her face. I closed the door behind them. Serena walked over to the sofa and removed her shoes from her feet.

"I am tired," she said while falling on the sofa as if she had no breath in her. "Today has been rough. Cooking for everybody made me exhausted; especially when everybody else is enjoying themselves, and not paying you any attention. I am so glad I took a vacation day from work on tomorrow. I can get a few extra hours of sleep before I pick up my children from my parents."

I walked over, and sat next to her. She turned, and placed her feet in my lap. We were really hitting it off. I liked it. It was what I wanted. I began to massage her feet. She pulled them away.

"That tickles," she said smiling.

I grabbed her feet again, and put them back on my lap.

"Just sit back, and relax. Let me take care of you."

She leaned her head against the sofa and closed her eyes. I could tell she had never had a man treat her so well. She couldn't have. The smile on her face was glowing so much that it could have provided light for an entire city. Before I had known anything, she was relaxed and drifted to sleep. I didn't mind. The way the darkness showed on her face was like looking at a piece of art. Her beauty was unreal. I looked at her, and said to myself in a shallow voice, "Serena you are exactly what I need in my life right now." I removed her feet from my lap, and stood from the sofa.

I walked to the kitchen. It was a mess. I cleaned every dish, mopped the floor, and took out all the trash. Serena was so sound asleep; she hadn't realized what I was doing. When I finished all the cleaning, I returned to the living room, walked over to the entertainment center, turned the radio down, and then returned to the sofa to sit next to Serena. Because it was Sunday, nothing but slow songs played on the radio.

I sat and watched the innocence of Serena. The room was peaceful. She slept as if she had not had a good rest in days. So, for another forty-five minutes, I allowed her to rest without saying anything. When I decided it was time to leave—I lightly tapped her on the arm to let her know I was leaving.

"Serena," I whispered. She didn't respond. "Serena."

"Huh." She opened her eyes and closed them again.

"Serena," I whispered once more.

"Yes." She sat straight on the sofa, and stretched. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"That's okay. I enjoyed watching you sleep. It's late. I have to go." As I stood up to leave, she grabbed my hand.

"Don't go. Stay here with me."

Her request stunned me. I didn't know how I should respond. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Stay with me. Okay Robert?" she requested again.

"Okay," I answered with a nervous knot in my stomach.

I returned to the sofa. She stood, and grabbed my hand. I stood. We walked to her bedroom. What I thought was happening I didn't want to happen. Not yet anyway. I didn't want to treat Serena like every other man had in her life. I liked her and wanted to respect her. The choice was my own. I wanted her to know she needed to be respected. I wanted her to know that she meant more to me than a night of casual sex and romance.

She grabbed some nightclothes out of her drawer, and went into the bathroom to change. I sat on the edge of the bed contemplating whether I should stay. God knows, I wanted to be with her. My desire for her was strong. My testosterone was now on red alert, but I had to diffuse the engine that was roaring inside. I wanted to express myself to her without ruining what we were beginning. I thought of my next move. Like an innocent boy, I didn't know what to do, or what I should allow to happen. She returned from the bathroom wearing a nightshirt that stopped right above her knees with the words, Fragile—Handle With Care, written on the front. I took a hard look at the nightgown and knew what I should do. Diamond and I had a conversation once about the expectations of women, and she had shared with me that a woman would sometimes open the door for entry—just to see how much a man respected her. When she first mentioned her theory, I thought it was all gibberish until that moment with Serena. I was now a pawn in a game. I would make the decision on our future.

"Are you comfortable?" she asked as she sat next to me.

"I'm cool," I answered.

"Do you want to take off your shoes?" she asked.

I slid to the foot of the bed taking my shoes off as she slid beneath the covers.

"Could you turn off the light, Robert?"

I walked over to the light, and turned it off. I climbed in the bed next to her. I moved as close to the wall as I possibly could without getting beneath the covers. Serena thought I was crazy.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I answered as I stretched my arm out, and she came closer and placed her head on my chest. The room was slightly cold, and I was still fully dressed. She cuddled closer. The smell of her perfume swept beneath my nostrils. Even through my pants, I could feel the warmth of her legs against me. The temptation was heavy—but I would not allow it to control me. Her body welcomed me, and with every inch of my body, I resisted giving into the temptation that was inviting me to share the deepest secrets of who I am. A shallow light glared through the window from the moon reflecting off the snow. She looked at me, and I looked at her. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," I responded.

For about fifteen minutes, we looked at one another without saying a word. The music from the living room was playing low, but loud enough that it soothed the mood. Then before I had known it, we drifted to sleep, and held on to one another with nothing but innocence.

I was so caught up in the moment, that I had forgotten the next morning was a workday. So, about four in the morning I climbed out of the bed, kept as quiet as I could, put on my shoes, and kissed Serena on the cheek. She woke up.

"Where are you going? Please don't leave," she insisted.

"I'm sorry, but I have to get home, and get ready for work."

She stood from the bed, and walked with me to the door.

"Thank you," she said as she gently kissed me. I knew why she was thanking me. It was nice to be respected. I felt her staring at me as I walked away. The moment felt good. There was no harm done, and nothing but respect for each other gained. That was all I needed. It was all she needed. I drove away.

##  Serena

I put Robert to a test. I wanted to see for sure if he was different from the rest of the men that had been in my life. I knew what I was doing when I asked him to stay with me, and have him climb in my bed. And yes, I did know it was a dangerous game to play. Especially because I loved how his arms felt around me. But, my grandmother always said, "Test a man with an opportunity, and it will show his true character." When Robert climbed in my bed, and simply watched me — I saw that his mind wasn't on having sex. He looked for my respect. I could see in his eyes that he enjoyed watching me more than anything else. He wanted to protect what we were starting. It was strange. Throughout my life, I had always shown my love to men by having sex. I don't know why, but it seemed to me that keeping a man was to give into what he wanted. However, Robert wouldn't cross the line. He wanted more than a night of passion and fantasy.

As I watched him drive away, I wanted to scream out, "Come back and love me." I stared out my living room window for about twenty minutes after he had gone. I don't know, but something was different about him. I've talked with a lot of men in my life, but this was the first man who seemed to want to know me.

##  Robert

By the time I got home and got another hour of sleep—it was time for me to get up for work. It amazed me that I wasn't the least bit tired. I knew that there was going to be some drama in the office today, and most of it was going to come from Harry. I had promised him on Saturday that I would return his call, but I never did. As soon as I was able to put my briefcase down and turn on my computer, Harry was standing at my office door. I hadn't even made my way to the coffee machine before he called me.

"Negro!" he shouted. "I thought we were boys. What happened to you giving me a call?"

"Harry. I apologize," I said as I placed my hands on my head and letting out a slight yawn. "Come on, and walk with me so I can get me a cup of coffee."

"Rob. Bruh man. Bruh man." Harry was excited and I didn't know why. "I found her man. I found the woman of my dreams." He hit me on the arm. "That's why I wanted you to call me man. I wanted to bring her over so that you can meet her. I'm telling you—she is like that, Foxy Brown—Pam Grier fine."

I had never seen Harry so excited over any female. There were plenty conversations when he talked about his one-night stands as if he was playing Russian roulette with his life, but this was different. I actually believed he had seriously found someone. It was possible. Serena and I had become close over the course of three days—so I knew it could happen.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Check this out," he said as he stopped and stood in the middle of the corridor and placed his hands on his chest. "Her name is Kandie dog."

"Did you say Candace?" I asked again because I barely focused on what he was saying and needed a coffee fix.

"Nah Bruh," he answered. "I said Kandie. You know like lollypop. The girl name is Kandie. And, I got a sweet tooth for her. Rob, you will not believe how fine this woman is."

I had now become fully awake. The coffee was churning in my body, and all cylinders were now functioning. I could give Harry my full attention.

"Kandie is her name. Is that what you said? Where did you meet this woman?"

"Come on Rob. You know how I do. I meet women all over the place. However, I met her in the bookstore. It was three Wednesdays ago when I needed to get some more magazines for the house. You know I keep something to read on the table, and in the rack. Well, I'm standing at the magazine rack just minding my own business when this woman walks pass me. My back is towards her—so I couldn't get a look at her in the beginning. However, the perfume she was wearing smelled so good that it caught my attention. Now here I am standing and not being able to concentrate on what I wanted to purchase because I couldn't get this sensuous scent away from me. I wanted to know what this perfume was because I like buying gifts for the ladies. So now, I am wandering around the bookstore, and slyly smelling every woman in the place. I'm walking in and out of the bookshelves looking like a stalker, and hoping that I locate this woman before someone report me to security. Ten minutes I search that bookstore, and she was not to be found. So, I gave up trying to find her. Well, I returned to the magazine rack, grabbed my selections, and left the store. I decided I wanted a cappuccino for the drive home because it was cold out. You know how cold it was three weeks ago. I go back inside the bookstore to the coffee counter to place my order. I'm the only person standing at the counter, and there is no one standing behind me.

"Then, I smell the scent of the perfume again. I was not going to allow her or that scent to escape me before I found out the name of the fragrance. I turned to ask the name of the fragrance, but when I saw how beautiful she was—my mouth dropped. It seemed like everything in the store came to a sudden halt. Now Rob, you know I've dated beautiful women, and to see a lady that is attractive, hardly ever throws my game off. However, when I saw Kandie, there was something unique about her. Her complexion is Almond with a touch of dark caramel. Her eyes are wide, and seems like she could stare through your heart. And underneath the black suite she was wearing with the wool overcoat, I could see the frame of her body was what every man desires in a woman. She looked as if she had just stepped out of a man's magazine. Everything was right on this woman. She is a walking fantasy. Once I got my composure, I asked her to tell me the name of the perfume.

'Excuse me,' I said. 'I hope this isn't too much of an intrusive question, but could you share with me the name of the perfume you're wearing?'

'Euphoria,' she said sternly and almost as if I was bothering her.

'Thank you,' I responded and then turned to get my cappuccino. I knew not to say any more than I did because she gave me a look as to say, 'Don't bother me.' Therefore, I didn't. I'm not the type to sweat a woman. There are too many women to allow one to shake your game. So I grabbed my drink and started to go on my way. She then reaches out and grabs my arm.

'Is that all you are going to say to me?' she asked. Her statement stunned me.

She said, 'You've walked around this entire bookstore searching for me, and this is it?' A smile came across her face. It blew my mind. Normally, I'm the lion on prey, but this time—I saw myself as the innocent gazelle caught in the trap.

'Oh you saw me looking?' I asked. 'Why didn't you stop me?'

'Because,' she answered. 'I wanted to see how long you would search.' As we were talking, the cashier was looking at the both of us smiling. I know to her it seemed like something out of a romantic comedy.  
'By the way,' she said as she introduced herself. 'My name is Kandie Dufresne.'

'Harry Munford,' I answered and reached to shake her hand.

'Well Harry. Now that you've found out the name of my perfume, will that be all that you want from me?'

'Oooh,' I said to myself. 'I think I'm being picked up.' This was different for me. I didn't know how to respond. So, I tucked my head and didn't say anything for a second.

'Hum,' I responded and slightly stuttered at the same time. 'If you—you aren't busy right now, would you like to join me for a coffee or something?'

'Yes. I would love to join you,' she responded. 'It couldn't hurt. It's not often that a woman sits down with her stalker.' She smiled at me Rob, and I blushed like a girl. Rob, I think one of the things that really turned me on about this woman was that she had this very sensuous British accent. Man every time she spoke, it sent chills through my body.

We sat down and talk for about forty minutes, and that is when I learned that she's a doctor over at Temple. She had been in the states for only six years. She came here to work at John Hopkins, but an offer came for her to work in Philly. Bruh, as I said before—this is one classy woman. Go figure that man. This is the first time in my life I've met a woman that is outside of my normal hoochie. She has caught me off guard. Rob it has been three weeks, and every time we talk—I find myself wanting to know more about her. I really want you to meet her Bruh. All I'm saying is that you will be as equally impressed as I am. Besides, you're the falling in love type—so I thought I would run her by you before I get all caught up. It will be like bringing her home to see Mama, before taking her to see my mother."

By the time Harry finished telling me how he met Kandie, twenty-minutes passed. I had a full client load that morning, and I couldn't talk much longer with Harry. However, I was amazed by his new friend, and glad about his excitement for her.

"Harry, I have to call a few of my clients back this morning, but we'll get together for lunch and talk some more. I want to hear more about this woman. She sounds interesting."

"Cool," he answered and began walking towards his cubicle.

"And Rob, maybe you can tell me what you been up to all weekend. You were missing in action."

I walked in my office smiling. I wanted to tell Harry about the weekend I had spent with Serena, but I had other pressing issues to handle. My phone was already beginning to ring off the hook from clients calling about their advertisement. There were already four messages left in my voicemail from the short walk to the break room. Trish walked into my office with a handful of pink message notes that were left on the general mailbox from Friday.

"Good morning Robert _._ You have several messages from Friday, and Ms. Grayford has requested for you to come to her office once you get settled."

"Thank you, Trish. I'll go in about ten minutes."

"By the way Robert, how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun?"

I couldn't figure Trish out. It always seemed like she was flirting with me. There would be days when I would come into the office and it would appear that she would make an extra effort to get my attention. Some days we would do this playful flirting with each other, but it always seemed innocent. However, lately she's been extra flirtatious.

"My weekend was nice. Thank you for asking."

"I could have made it better," she responded and walked out of my office. I was stunned because this was the first time she had ever made a play for me. I grabbed a yellow pad and pen from out of my supply drawer to go and see Ms. Grayford.

Tonya Grayford was a classy woman who knew what she wanted. She started the Grayford Agency when she was only twenty-four, and had managed to grow it from a four person advertising agency that barely earned seventy-thousand dollars a year to a fifty-million plus firm servicing such clients as Walker Cable, Penn Electric, Smith Jenkins Pharmaceuticals, Baker Financial, and nearly every state and federal agency in Philadelphia. Tonya was masterful at client acquisition. She was a forty-five year old black woman that managed to understand what it takes to have success in Philadelphia. She didn't play when it came to building her business, and we all knew it. However, the most beautiful thing about her—is that her personality is down to earth and she would do anything to help a person succeed. Just as I was preparing to make my way to Tonya's office, my telephone rang. It was Diamond.

##  Diamond

Jade and I had talked for nearly four hours on Sunday after I hung up with Robby. It took every discipline to stop me from telling her the truth about our parents. I didn't see the need to keep any more secrets. Although daddy forced Robby and I to promise and keep our mother out of Jade's life—I didn't see any harm in allowing Jade to meet her. Besides, I never understood my loyalty to my father. He had told us so many lies, and said so many things to hurt me that to be loyal to him should have been a non-issue. However, if it were not for Robby who had truly protected me over the years—I would have probably told the secret a long time ago.

When I turned sixteen, I began to look more and more like my mother. Relatives would always acknowledge our resemblance. My father began to resent me. I reminded him so much of her. Sometimes he would come home from work, look at me, and just walk away. We had such a beautiful relationship before I began to mature. He meant everything to me. He was the dad that any girl would want. Then one day our relationship changed. There were no warning signs or anything. It was like one day I was fifteen and one of daddy's little girls, and the next day the sixteen year old, that caused him pain. Although he had never hit me, sometimes the words scarred me so bad that my hatred for him grew. The more I tried to be his little girl again, the more he would pull away. I could never understand it. It wasn't until I was eighteen, and ready to leave for Clark Atlanta that I learned the truth about everything. Robby was attending Howard University at the time, and was coming home on the weekends to hang out with Jade. Wherever my father lacked in our family relationship, Robby made an extra effort.

I remember the day vividly when they shared the truth about our mother. It was a Friday evening when they called me to the living room to talk. I knew something was up by the way they were sitting and waiting. Jade had asked if she could stay over her friend Lindsey's house for the weekend, and I guess this was the perfect time for them to tell me about Janet. Robby sat in the small lounge chair as Daddy stretched his arms across the love seat and asked me to sit beside him. Upon entering the room, I heard them discreetly talking about how they would share the information. I sat on the love seat not knowing what was happening. Daddy placed his hand on my knee, and the first thing he said to me was that he was sorry for how he had treated me the past year and a half. He explained that ever since I turned sixteen, I began to act more and more like my mother. It appeared to him that my behavior was getting out of control, and he didn't know how to handle it because I acted so much like her. He said it had come to a point when he didn't know how to talk with me. I seemed defiant and combative. However, he didn't understand that his cursing at me only fueled my tension for him, and that my defiance was the only way to get his attention.

"Diamond," he said. "What we are about to share with you is going to hurt you, and you have to understand that I've kept this from you because I love you. I'm doing for you as I did for your brother when he was your age." I looked towards Robby, and he had this bewildering stare.

"What's going on, Daddy?"

"Just listen for a minute, Diamond." He grabbed my hand. "I want to take you to see your mother."

"Huh," I said. "Mommy? Okay." I didn't fully understand the severity of his statement.

"Where is she?"

"Diamond, over the past nine years I've been taking care of your mother because she isn't well enough to be around you." He took a deep breath. "Your mother has been in a mental institution for quite some time. She doesn't remember any of you. I visit her three times out of the week, and I've been doing it since you were around nine years old."

"What? You've been keeping us away from our mother!"

"Yes, baby. I did it for your best interest."

I stood and jerked from him.

"You're lying! I want to see her. All this time, I thought she left us, and you've been keeping her a secret. How could you do that to us?"

"You have to listen," Robby said and stood from his seat. "Dad has been protecting us. I've seen her Diamond, and she isn't well. She doesn't know who we are."

I refused to believe that our mother was mentally ill. I didn't want to think it because I had thought many times that I was losing my mind, and that my thoughts were escaping me. I ran out of the house. I didn't know what to think. Everything I thought was true—was a lie. When I left the house— I kept running as fast as I could until I reached my girlfriend Brenda's house. She had been my friend for years, and was the person I could talk with when things were rough with my father. While running, I thought of the many moments when I was growing up, felt like giving up, and I didn't know why. Then to hear what my father was telling me—had me thinking that I inherited my mother's mental problems. Later that night Robby came to Brenda's house to get me. When he first arrived, I told her to say that I wasn't there, but Robby knew better. He knew Jade and I like the back of his hands. He knew all of our secret runaways, who we would call when things weren't right, and even how we felt without us sharing. I heard him talking to Brenda as I stood at the top of the stairs and listened. I tried hiding behind the wall—but he knew I was there.

"Tell Diamond to come with me Brenda. I know she's here."

As much as Brenda insisted I wasn't, Robby walked to the top of the stairs, and escorted me down. Just as always, he played the role of the protective brother who knew best.

As we walked home, he shared that our mother had tried to commit suicide on many occasions, and the reason my father had her committed was that she had tried to smother Jade one night when he came home from work. It turns out that my mother thought Jade was a demon that was trying to destroy her family. Just as my father entered the house, our mother had Jade on the floor with a pillow covering her face. Daddy rushed in and quickly pushed our mother from her. That night he threw our mother out of the house, but she wouldn't leave from the porch. All night she yelled to him, "The baby is a demon, Robert! She's a demon that is trying to destroy us. We have to destroy the demon!"

It was at that moment our father realized that things weren't right with our mother mentally. Once he finished taking care of Jade and making sure she was okay—he dealt with our mother. Nearly two hours she stood outside the house talking outside of her head.

I learned that our mother had a mental breakdown because Jade isn't my father's biological child. Janet had become pregnant during one of her mischief excursions, and the guilt of Jade being the daughter of another man, drove her insane. As Robby explained the situation, it all made sense. I understood why our father kept us from Janet. The next day they took me to visit her. I couldn't get the nerve to go inside the room. Robby had been seeing her over the course of five years, and was able to cope with her behavior. I on the other hand, couldn't deal with the frantic outburst. How could I? My father had drilled in me that I was so much like my mother, that I believed I would end up just like her. It wasn't until three months later that I managed the nerve to go and visit. Three weeks after that our father shared that he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Not only didn't we have a mother to love and care for us, but also our father was dying. When daddy died, Robby handle all of our family needs. I don't know how he kept it all together. The pressure of handling all the financial burdens of Jade and my education, taking care of the mortgage so that we'd always have a place to live, watching over our mother, and keeping his life on track—I wonder where he found the strength. I know sometimes he thinks that I'm at odds with him, but to be truthful—I often feel guilty because I think I could have done more. Nowadays, he and I argue about our mother more than we have good conversations.

If it wasn't for her condition—he and I would probably be closer. I love him so much, and I don't think he knows how much I really care. Just when I thought our relationship was getting strong—he moved to Philadelphia without any explanation. It's been six years, and sometimes I want him in Maryland with me. I owe him so much. I wish he knew how much I love him.

When Robby answered the phone, I had been in Baltimore for two hours looking in on Janet. She wasn't doing well. It wasn't until that moment that I felt sympathetic for her. Although she had become a thorn in my side over the years—I wanted to do something, or anything to rescue her. No longer did I feel the need to blame her for my loneliness. Whenever I would go to pay her bills or talk with her therapist about how she was doing, I would never spend more than five minutes visiting with her. I had always believed that Janet's problems were a result of her not caring for any of us. It didn't matter what my professional observation was—I couldn't separate my personal feelings.

"Hey Robby. It is me. I'm at John Hopkins, and just visited mommy."

"Is she okay?" he asked.

"No she isn't. I spoke with Dr. Strong and she said that although she is out of real danger—it will take some time before she has total motor and mental function."

"What does that mean Diamond? You're the psychiatrist of the family."

"It means, Robby she can't speak, walk, or have full mental awareness."

"Oh," he responded. "Did you tell the doctor about her schizophrenia?"

"Yes. I did mention it to Dr. Strong. We don't know what effect, if any that will have on her recovery. We will have to wait and see."

"So what do we need to do?" he asked.

"I don't know. The facility she's in now isn't capable of handling this type of problem. We're going to have to find a place that can dual treat and rehab her. I'll talk more with Dr. Strong to review our opinions. We have some time. However, she is falling in and out of consciousness and they want to keep her at the hospital until she is fully aware."

"How long will that be Diamond?"

"I don't know, Robert. It could be a week or a month. It will all depend on her."

"Okay," he responded. "Are you going to stay on top of this or do I need to take some time off?"

"There is no need for you to drive down. I'll keep watch. She is only forty-five minutes away. When and if she begins to show some progress—you should come."

"Alright, Diamond. I'll wait until you say so. And Diamond."

"Yes Robby."

"Thanks for being there for her. I know this takes a lot from you."

"She's my mother too Robby. I've been looking after her this long. I won't stop now."

##  Robert

Tonya was still waiting on me to come to her office, and she wasn't the type of person that keeps waiting for anyone. Once I finished my conversation with Diamond, I hurried down the corridor to see Tonya. She was on the phone pacing back and forth and looking out of her window. I admired everything about her. She was beautiful, smart, and powerful. Nearly every agency in the city wanted to know her secrets for bringing in new business. The city loved her because her agency single handily positioned large corporations to do business in Philly. I waited at the door until she finished her conversation.

"I hear what you're saying Geoffrey," she said in a monotone voice. "However, if you want your product to make a difference, you're going to have to let go of the wallet a little." She let out a small laugh. "I identify with all of that, Geoffrey. And you're right. But, you and I both know in order to capture real market exposure—you're going to need to be bold in your budget. Geoffrey you know from the last campaign we did for your company, there was a five hundred dollar return for every one dollar you invested in our marketing and ad strategy. Now, how can you worry if we can make this new campaign work for you?"

I loved watching Tonya as she soothed clients. It was something about her calm demeanor that provided them with the confidence to trust her with their money.

"Geoffrey, Geoffrey," she chuckled. "Has my agency ever disappointed you? All right then. You are going to need to trust me on this as well. I promise we will do such a marvelous job in putting together a great strategy—that people will see it, love it, and buy it. The bottom line Geoffrey is that we will create a solution that will capture new revenue for your company."

She turned and saw me waiting. She gestured for me to step in the office.

"Alright now, Geoffrey. I'll look for your signature on the contract this afternoon. I will have Barb e-mail it to you shortly. Call me if you have any more questions."

She took the wireless receiver out of her ear and sat at her desk.

"Baby-sitting Robert. That is the name of this business. Come in and have a seat. How have you been?" she asked and walked over to the drink cabinet sitting against the wall in her office. "You want some water or juice?" she offered as she poured her a glass of water.

"No. I'm fine. Thank you for offering."

"Robert. I've been meaning to talk with you. How is that contract with Motors Plus coming?"

"I should be getting the sign contract today. The courier should be here this morning."

"Excellent Robert. Motors Plus is huge for the firm. But that's not the reason I asked you to come to my office." Again, she stood from her desk and walked over to the window. "Robert you've been with me six years now, and you have seen this company grow. You've helped me to bring on a lot of clients, and you've always been supportive of my vision."

She clapped her hands together and turned from the window. "Well I've got some good news for you. First, I'm going to offer you a promotion, and increase your salary. However, I have to tell you why I'm doing this. And why I'm choosing you. You have the gift for this business. I saw that when I hired you. I was excited about you then, and I'm excited about you now. I'm going to offer you a position as the President over a new division. Right now, you're my VP of New Business, but I want to give you more responsibility. Are you okay with that offer?"

My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree full with lights. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

However, like any great mentor she sat next to me and shared her disappointment of my lack of enthusiasm for the past three months. I knew it came out of love, and her desire for my success.

She said, "Robert, tell me what's been going on with you lately? I've been watching you and I didn't see that extra drive in you that I've come to know. Sure, you've done your job—but I see your unhappiness. I'm bringing this up because your presence in this firm matters. Your colleagues look to you as an example. I don't know what the issues are—but I need you to get it together. I can't have you leading a new division and not provide one-hundred percent to the position. Get your focus back."

I had hoped that I kept my personal issues away from work, but the more Tonya shared with me that my posture had changed—I saw that my behavior was out of the norm for me.

"Rumor has it Robert that your engagement is off. You know I'm not the one to pry, but is it something we need to discuss? Do I have to let you cry on my shoulder to help you get through it? I pacify many people. You aren't one of them I'd thought would need my services." She smiled.

"No. I'll be fine." We laughed. I knew what Tonya was doing, and even though I felt better knowing the good time I had with Serena over the weekend—I realized that I couldn't allow my professional life to suffer because my personal life was a train wreck.

"I promise you Tonya that I will put that extra umph back in my stride."

"That's what I was hoping to hear." She stood and walked to her desk.

"Are you ready for this opportunity I'm entrusting to you?"

"Absolutely! What's the new division?"

"It's an entertainment division. And, I'm not talking about the media outlets we do now with commercials and radio spots, but I'm talking about a full division that caters to the needs of the entertainment industry. I'm talking about singers, models, actors—the entire industry. I've been in conversation with Focus Three Records out of Atlanta over the past few months. They are impressed with our firm, and like the strategies we use to build a brand. Well, I've sold them on the idea that we can do for their artists the same things we do with our typical industry clients. With that said, they are willing to invest one million dollars into some of their artists' promotions. They are willing to take a gamble. Well, I need someone that can put together a great team, and help build this idea that meets and goes above their expectations. I'm choosing you for the job. Do you want it?"

"Hell yeah," I said to myself and glowing inside. "Thank you so much Tonya for this opportunity. I can do this for you."

"I know you can Robert. That's why I chose you. Now, Focus Three Records has already signed a contract for us to work with one of their latest artist. It's a group called Trios. I don't know much about them, except that the group does Rap, Jazz, and Spoken Word in one format. So far, people in the states don't have a clue of who they are. However, they are huge in the UK. They are an American group that has been selling a hundred thousand of CDs across the Atlantic. Two of the members are natives of Philly. Focus Three Records has just signed them to a deal, and would like to create the same selling power in the states. In four weeks, we are going to do a Pre-CD release gala here in Philly. It is only going to be for a few selected industry people to create a buzz for the group. I want you to help orchestrate and implement the affair. Then I want you to come out and see them, to get some ideas on how this firm can market them." She reached in the hold bin tray on top of her desk and handed me a CD. "This is a copy of the CD. Go home and give it a listen, or pop it in your car as you are driving."

"Not a problem," I said. "Where will the release party be held?"

"Josephine's. Your favorite restaurant."

"Wow. That's funny. I was just there on Saturday."

"Robert, starting today you will officially be the President of Grayford Entertainment. As soon as you leave my office, Barb is going to send an e-mail to the staff about your new position. She will also have some paperwork for you to sign that identifies your job description, and new salary." Tonya placed her phone piece back in her ear. "One more thing. By the end of this week, I want to have in my office five people from this office to be staffed for this new division. I want you to title them and develop job descriptions. I know this is a lot thrown at you. However, I started with only four people, and I believe you can do the same. Let's make this happen Robert, okay?"

"Yes Ma'am." I shook her hand, and walked out of her office grinning from ear to ear.

Barb was sitting at her desk when I stepped out of Tonya's office. Barb was Tonya's personal assistant that Tonya trusted with everything.

"Congratulations Robert. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you Barb. How long have you known?"

"About three weeks. Tonya had me to keep it confidential until she finished the deal with Focus Three Records. She has a lot of faith in you Robert. You are one of the few people who chose to stay when the company was going through a rough patch. She is always saying to me that you came in and learned her vision, and believed in the success of this company."

"I know," I replied. "On occasion, I see some of those people who decided to go to other firms, and they are sad that they left. I believed everything she said was possible, and that is why I never thought twice about leaving the agency. I knew back then that Tonya wasn't capable of doing any of those things the media claimed. I knew eventually she would rise back to the top even with all the odds against her."

Barbara handed me a file with my new salary and job description. I couldn't contain my excitement. If I had ever regretted my decision to move from Maryland before then this was the day when it all was worth it.

"Here's your new compensation packet and job description. Read it and bring it back to me after you've signed it." Barb concluded and then hit the send button from her e-mail. With a light keystroke on her keyboard, everyone in the office was now aware of my promotion.

Harry was sitting behind my desk when I walked into my office. He had a grin on his face as if he knew he would be my first choice in picking team members for the new division. I was ecstatic about the promotion. All the hard work, late hours, and dedication paid off. I was thankful for the confidence Tonya had in me. There were other qualified people, but she chose to trust me.

Harry walked from behind the desk to give me a hug. He was laughing and jumping up and down as if he had the promotion.

"Rob. Rob. I can't believe it. Congratulations man. We have to go out and celebrate this evening or something. I am excited for you."

"Thanks Harry. This was a surprise to me. I didn't see it coming at all."

"Shoot Rob, none of us saw it. There were some rumors going around about some changes, but you know most of them were negative." Harry stood back and hit me on the shoulder. "Man, check you out. The next thing you know—is that you will be running the whole show, bruh. My man—you are the president of a new division."

"I know Harry. This is huge. But know this, and hear me good." I pointed to him and back to myself. "You will be doing this with me. Tonya assigned me to put together a team, and you know you were the first person to come to mind. I could not have done any of this without you. When I've needed you—you've been there. Listen, as soon as I go through this packet and see everything that I'm expected to do—I want you to know that I got you covered."

"Oh that's what's up, Rob. I appreciate that bruh." Harry gave me another hug and left my office. Everything was going well for me. I had met a wonderful woman, and given a huge promotion and a great opportunity. The only thing I wished was that Janet would be okay.

##  Serena

The telephone rang and I hoped it was Robert. I was so busy thinking about our next conversation and what we would do—I didn't get anything accomplish that morning. My reason for taking the day off was to catch up on some needed housework, and to get things prepared for when the children returned. My mother had called earlier that morning to inform me of her plans for the day. She and I had talked for nearly three hours. I shared with her my time spent with Robert, and how much he impressed me. However, my mother being my mother quickly put the brakes on my fantasy to make certain I wasn't getting caught up in another situation that would hurt the kids. Ever since my relationship with Terrence, my mother sought it her duty to keep an eye on me—and put even more of a grip on my life. She was convinced that I couldn't make good decisions when it came to choosing men. As much as I tried to tell her that Robert was much different from Terrence and Lucky—she still pleaded with me to take it slow.

"Serena," she said in a motherly irritating voice. "You know that I am not the one to signify in your life. But you have babies to think about. You can't get your head all trapped up on a man you've only known for two and a half days."

I couldn't blame my mother for trying to keep me grounded and protect me. She had a front row seat to the horror Terrence had caused Raven and me. However, I wanted my mother to understand that it was important that I try to trust somebody again. No matter how much I pleaded my case—she wouldn't budge. The children were her concern, and she didn't care if I had met cupid himself.

"Mom," I said trying to get in a word. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm okay. I won't allow any man to come in and hurt my children or me."

"All I'm saying to you Serena—is that you have to be careful. I know how lonely you may be, and how good it feels to get attention from a man. But, all I'm saying is take it slow. If this guy Robert is everything that I hear in your voice, then he won't mind if you take tiny steps."

"You're right, Mom. But--"

She quickly cut me off before I could say another word. "But nothing Serena. You know I'm right on this. Just do what I ask, okay? It doesn't matter how much I tell you to do the right thing—you always seem to do it your way and mess it up. Let this be the one time where I don't have to ask you twice, okay?"

I took a deep breath to hold in the words that wanted to cut her deep. However, I maintained my calm and responded. "Yes Ma'am."

It was twelve-thirty when she and I finally hung up the phone. And in all honesty, I don't think I could stand much more of her righteous behavior. When she finished speaking, I felt like that thirteen-year old girl that my mother thought couldn't make a decision. It didn't matter what I did—she always made me feel as if I wasn't doing enough. I can't think of one instance where my mother didn't dictate my life. I remember when I was eleven and I had my period for the first time. My mother got angry because I didn't do any of the things she had prepared me to do for when my period arrived. That day was so awful for me. I was in the fifth grade, and didn't notice that my period had started. Just like any other eleven year old, I was busy playing hopscotch and the last thing that would have been on my mind was my taking a step into womanhood. Mrs. Granite my fifth grade teacher noticed the blood on the back of my skirt, and she immediately came over to cover me. She took the sweater she was wearing and wrapped it around me. I didn't know what was taking place. She escorted me to the bathroom. I was so scared because at first I thought I was going to die or something. However, Mrs. Granite assured me everything would be okay, and walked with me to the nurse's office where they called my mother to the school. Mrs. Granite and the nurse were ecstatic for me. They were telling me how wonderful it was to step into womanhood, and how important this day was for me. They made it seem like my menstrual was the best thing that could ever happen for a young woman. Together they calmed my fears, and had me feeling wonderful about my new womanhood but that all changed as soon as Mama got to the school. She was angry when she walked through the nurse's office door. There was a look of disgust on her face. Mrs. Granite had already told her that I was on the playground playing at recess when she noticed my period. Mama wasn't happy about that news at all. She was teaching me to be a lady, and was so worried that someone else had seen me, that she couldn't find time to comfort me. She scolded me with words so harsh that Mrs. Granite and the nurse had to leave the office. I saw the pain in their eyes. Mama could not see that her delivery was wrong. By the time she finished arguing at me, I felt so hurt that all I could do was cry. There would be many days when she would make me cry. Once when I was fifteen, and in the tenth grade, the school was having an after school dance. I wanted to attend. I asked Mama could I go, and before I got the question out of my mouth, she said no. Her reason was that she thought the boys were too fresh, and I was getting grown. I pleaded with her to attend. There even came a moment in the conversation when she and I just yelled at each other. I could not understand why my going was such a big deal. I was not thinking about the boys. I just wanted to have some fun, and hang out with my friends. The more I pleaded to go—the angrier she would get at my asking. Then she said to me in a very heated tone, "Serena if you want to go—then just go. You gone end up just like those other little whores you call friends. That's right. I know about your friends and their fresh behinds. I've listened to many of your conversations with them on the phone. I know the kind of things your little girlfriends discuss. You go ahead. If you want to be a slut just like the rest of them—then you do what you want to do."

She stormed out of the house and said nothing more. Daddy was at work at the time. I sat in my room and cried. I wanted to kill myself. I was going to kill myself. I just wanted to get away from her. When daddy came home and saw me crying—he cuddled me, and said everything would be okay. He explained that Mama was trying to protect me. That day forward, I viewed everything my mother did as protection for me.

It's funny sometimes, when I think of how much my mother monitored my every move, and tried to shelter me from the wrongs of the world—that I still ended up making bad choices. Every now and again, I wonder if my mother would have just loosened up a little, and allowed me to make some mistakes—would I have become a victim to men? Would I have fallen for the bad lines, or even the good looks? I can remember during my early teenage years when I would sit in my room, and imagine being eighteen and moving far away from her. There were even moments when she would call my name, and I would cover my ears because her voice irritated me. It wasn't until my senior prom did I have my first date. If it were not for daddy advocating on my behalf to allow my prom date to drive—my mother would've chaperoned and chauffeured. However though, I am now so grateful for my mother—even though I didn't like the rules she had in place during my youth. I understand why the rules were needed. Although, she sometimes still gets on my last nerves—I know it's because she loves me. She would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. Then, when I look at Raven and how fast she's growing—I find myself being much like my mother. However, every now and then, I think of those lonely conversations I would have in my bedroom of my mother, and I give Raven some slack. I could not bear the thought of Raven not wanting to talk with me because she doesn't think I hear her voice.

I answered the telephone. It was Robert. My face lit up like a shooting star.

"Good afternoon Serena."

"I was wondering if you would call me today," I responded.

"Of course," he answered. "You can't get rid of me that easily. You've been in my thoughts all morning. A matter of fact, after I left your apartment, I found myself wanting to turn around and spend the entire day with you."

Robert said everything I wanted and needed to hear. I was in his thoughts as much as he was in my thoughts. But just when we were about to get deeper in conversation another call beeped from my other line. I didn't want to answer—but I thought it could be my mother saying something about when she would drop off the kids.

"Robert. I'm sorry. Can you hold on for a minute? Somebody is beeping the other line."

"Sure," he responded. "Not a problem. I'll wait."

"Hello," I answered and knowing it was my mother. She was the only one that knew I had taken the day off."

"How are you, beautiful woman?" Lucky asked and totally catching me off-guard.

"Lucky?" I said in shock because it had been months since he and I talked.

"Yes. It's me. Your first love," he answered and trying his best to woo me.

"Oh God," I thought to myself. I am not up for this today. Nor did I want to ask Robert if I could call him later. I took a deep breath, and sighed in frustration before saying another word to Lucky.

"Whew. Hold on one second Lucky," I responded agitated. "I have someone on the other line." In a single second the wonderful smile that was on my face changed into a disappointing frown. I wanted so much to talk with Robert. His voice brightened my day.

"Hi Robert," I said in disappointment. "Is it okay that I give you a call back, or can you call me later?"

"Absolutely," he answered. "Take down my office number, and just call me when you get a chance." I grabbed a pen from off my dresser and the first piece of paper I could find.

"I'm ready. What's the number?"

"215-262-0430. I'm at extension 228. When you call, let Trish know I was expecting your call."

"Thank you Robert," I said and regretting I had to let him go.

When I clicked to the other line, Lucky was in his own fantasy land humming.

"How are you, Lucky?" I asked.

"I am wonderful beautiful. How about yourself? Is everything going well?"

"Yes, things are fine, Lucky. This is an unexpected call."

I wanted to yell through the phone and curse him out. However, it wouldn't have done any good. In the earlier years I would have screamed from the top of my lungs, but I changed because Lucky would be so carefree with the argument—that by the time I finished ranting—I felt like the fool.

He then said, "Please forgive my absenteeism. I apologize to both you and Raven. But as you know, I've been traveling all over Europe doing gigs. Did you get the money I've been sending for you?"

"Yes Lucky. I've been getting the money you've been sending for Raven." I always had to clarify to Lucky why he was sending the money. For some reason he believed everything he was doing was for his family. There would be moments when I really thought Lucky didn't understand we were no longer married. Whenever he talked, he mentioned he was working hard so that he could provide a better life for us.

"Anyhow Serena," he said in an excited tone. "I am going to be in Philadelphia at the end of the month. I was hoping to see you and my daughter."

His timing couldn't have been worse. I knew it was important for Raven to see him. She loved every moment she spent with her father. Sometimes I would hear her brag to her little friends about how important her daddy is, and how he was this huge star. I couldn't imagine breaking her tiny heart to say her father was a selfish man that didn't care about anyone but himself. My first mistake was sheltering her from the truth when she was younger.

"The end of the month?" I repeated.

"Yes," he said again. "The group has just been signed to a record label, and they will be hosting a gala for our CD release in the states. I was hoping after the gig that we could get together sometime during the week. I've missed all of you so much. It is good to come home and be with family."

"Oh God," I thought to myself. "Why now Lucky? Why now?" It was good that he couldn't hear my thoughts. I was so engrossed in my own feelings that I didn't pay any attention of him getting a music deal. My thoughts were on Robert.

"Sure Lucky," I said. "Just call when you get in Philly, and I'll make time for you to see Raven."

"Wonderful Serena. Please let her know how much I love you both, and I can't wait to see you."

As soon as Lucky and I hung up from each other, I began to get a screaming headache. The thought of dealing with his fantasy about us—gave me stress. It didn't matter how much I told him that we would never get back together—he would never give up. He never understood when he made the choice to walk out on our marriage, and his child—he broke whatever bond we once shared. Ten minutes I sat trying to relieve the stress of thinking of Lucky. I wanted to return the call to Robert, but there was no way I could in my current frame of mind. So, I waited an additional twenty minutes to make certain I had gotten myself together.

Just as Robert mentioned, Trish answered the phone at his office.

"Good afternoon. This is Trish. You've reached The Grayford Agency. How may I direct your call?"

"Robert Miller, at extension 228 please?"

"May I tell him who's calling Miss?"

"Yes. His friend Serena," I answered politely. But Trish then caught me off guard with her next question.

"Are you a new friend, Ma'am?" she asked boldly.

"Excuse me?" I answered curiously.  
She repeated herself again as if there was nothing wrong with her question. "Are you a new friend? I've never heard of any friend name Serena," she stated.

"Wow," I thought. "This must be one of those office romance conflicts. However, I wasn't in any mood to play office games. Lucky had just gotten on my nerves, and I didn't have the strength to entertain the conversation.

"I'm a new friend, Trish. Can you just put me through to his office? He's expecting my call."

"Just hold on then," she responded as if my calling was a problem.

When Robert picked up the line, I wanted to ask what the deal with the receptionist was—but I didn't want to seem like some prying woman that needed to know everything about his office.

"Serena," he answered. "Thank you for returning my call."

"Of course. You can't get rid of me that easily." We laughed.

"By the way," he said, "I want to share some wonderful news with you."

There was an excitement in his voice. I couldn't wait to hear what he wanted to share.

"Serena, I can't remember if you and I talked about my job or not, or what it is that I do."

"No I don't think I ever asked," I answered. It was strange. Two days we spent together, and it never crossed my mind to ask what he does for a living. I was so caught up in the moment that his career was the last thing on my mind.

"As of today I was the VP of Marketing and Promotions for our firm."

His statement puzzled me. The tone in his voice was so even that I couldn't tell if he was happy or sad. Although, I did get the impression that his job description changed.

"So what are you now?" I asked. "Did you get promoted or demoted?"

He laughed. His laughing made me laugh, and I didn't know why.

"Well." His excitement came through the phone lines. "I have just been promoted as President of a new division with our company."

My heart dropped when he told me of his news. I had no idea how important he really was. I knew Robert was smart and sharp, and clearly not like any of the guys who normally tried to get my attention. However, I didn't think I was seeing the President of somebody's company.

"Congratulations," I responded and trying to keep my excitement about him concealed.

"That is wonderful news to hear. I am excited for you."

"Thank you so much. I had no idea this was happening. My boss called me into her office today, and shared her vision for me to run this new division for her. I said to myself when I walked out of her office that my life could not be any more wonderful than it is right now. I met a beautiful woman over the weekend, and I've gotten the promotion of my dreams."

His word made me blush. I was in the plan. How deep in the plan, I didn't know. However, it felt good for someone to say I was an important part.

"Serena?" he asked. "Would you celebrate this occasion with me this evening over dinner?"

I was flattered by his invitation, but I had to decline. My children would be home later that evening and I wouldn't have a sitter. As much as I wanted to share this moment with Robert, I couldn't.

"Oh thank you so much for wanting me to celebrate this occasion with you," I answered in disappointment. "But, I can't. My children are coming home today, and I have to return to mommy mode."

The phone went silent. It seemed like I let the wind out of Robert's sail. He wanted to spend time with me, but I had other responsibilities.

"Oh. That's okay," he answered. "What if I came over and we still celebrated?"

Again, I had to decline his offer. "Robert, I'm sorry. And please don't hear that I don't want to share in your big day with you. However, I have this rule about bringing men around my children. I hope you understand."

"Of course," he responded. "I understand. I actually admire your conviction to protect your little ones. Maybe some other time."

My heart felt bad for Robert. He wanted to be with me—but I couldn't do it. Already our lifestyles were becoming an issue, and we've only known each other for three days.

"Listen," he said quickly and grabbing my attention. "Can you make plans to be with me at the end of this month?"

"Sure," I said. "I can make arrangements to see you tomorrow. We don't have to wait an entire month to see each other again." He started laughing because he must have noticed the panic in my voice. There wasn't any way I was going to let this man out of my life.

"No. No," he said as he continued to laugh. "I'm sure we are going to see each other before then. I want you to attend a gala with me. Our firm is hosting an event at Josephine's, and I would love for you to be my date for that event."

"I would love to be your date." I couldn't contain my excitement. Already Robert was placing me on the scene with him.

"Great," he responded. "You'll be my escort for the evening. We'll talk more before then, and I will give you all the particulars. For right now place the 30th of this month at 7:30 on your calendar."

Robert and I talked for an additional fifteen minutes and made plans to see each other for the weekend. Someone had come into his office and needed to have a meeting. He asked if it was okay for him to call me later that evening when he arrived home. Talking to Robert placed me back in better spirits. The conversation with Lucky had clearly left my mind. I was excited about Robert. He seemed as if he had everything in place. His life seemed right. Only after three days, I found myself wanting to be with him more, and I couldn't understand why anyone would walk away from such a man. As I was getting prepared for the children to return home, I got to thinking about the relationship he was in three months prior. Why would a woman walk out on a man like him? He appeared to be the type of man every woman would dream to have. I couldn't understand it. I was puzzled by it all. Why would she walk away from him?

##  Tiffany

God had answered my prayers. Over the past six months, I've been living in a world of misery and not knowing if I would still be alive. Everything and everyone that was important to me—I had to let go. There was no way I was going to allow my pain and suffering to become a burden to anyone else. The day I decided to leave Robert was the hardest decision I ever made. He meant everything to me. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him. The very thought of him—brings me joy. He was the man for me, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. There would be days when I would sit in the bed and cry just because I knew my leaving without any explanation caused him pain. We had made wonderful plans for our life together. Then at the blink of an eye, it all changed. Life would not be the same. The dreams I thought we would share came to a sudden stop. Even to this moment, I can see the tears pouring down Robert's face as he stood in his living room questioning why I was leaving. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay—but I was unsure. The only thing I could do was to allow him to have his life because my life was no longer promised.

I kept the Leukemia a secret while hoping and praying that God would rescue me from the disease. I had prayed every day that I would be the next candidate or recipient from the bone marrow database, but my prayers weren't answered in time. It wasn't until after the fourth month of my diagnosis that I had to make a decision in telling Robert or letting him go. The cancer was beginning to take toll on my body, and my doctor had just begun to schedule me for chemotherapy to help with my blood count. I was feeling more and more tired each day. My bones were aching, and it was hard to have a complete day without wanting to just lie down and rest. My energy level was low, and no matter how hard I tried to fight the feeling—it always seemed to have gotten the better of me. There was no way I was going to allow Robert to see my life crumble before his eyes—nor was there any way of me being able to hide the cancer any longer. I couldn't handle the thought of him looking at me with sympathy, and choosing to stay just because he felt obligated. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I needed him to see me as he always had. I wanted him to touch me as he always did. Life was going to change, and I knew it. Everything our relationship was—would no longer exist if I had chosen to stay. I couldn't handle the thought of him watching me die. No matter how badly it hurt to walk away—it was my only choice. There would be days when I wanted to pick up the phone, and say to him, "Baby, please come rescue me. Come hold me. I need you. I love you. Be my warrior and save me from this pain." But, I realized that there was little Robert could do for me.

He had told me the story of how he watched his father wither away from prostate cancer. It nearly destroyed Robert to watch his father slip away and not have the power to change it. There were many conversations that he and I shared about his father, and how he blamed the cancer for taking away the one person he knew he could depend on and trust. Seven months from the day his father died, Robert shared how he could barely eat, sleep, or even function in life because all his thoughts withered with the need to have his father back. He told me that he had slipped into a deep depression because his best friend was no longer with him. I wouldn't put him through that pain again. I simply couldn't.

Then God answered my prayers. Three weeks ago, I was in the bed at the hospital when Dr. Dufresne told me that a bone marrow match was found. She said it was a miracle that a donor had been located—especially because I was a female and an African American woman. The likelihood of a donor was extremely low. She said as African Americans we don't register as possible donors. She also mentioned that—although a match was made—there was a chance that the marrow would be rejected. I didn't care about the odds. I was excited because any chance at reclaiming my life was a victory.

As I sat in the bed and listened to Dr. Dufresne tell me about the procedure and how she and the surgical team would perform the surgery—I felt relief. It was even more comforting coming from her because we had grown close in the past couple of months. She had become a rock for me. I don't know what it was—but it sometimes appeared as if I was her special project.

As she explained the procedure of the bone marrow transplant—she didn't leave one detail untold. Although it seemed frightening because the outcome would be unknown, she had a way of making me feel that everything would be okay. If it hadn't of been for her enthusiasm for my life over the past four months, I don't think I would have been able to stand strong this long. She was one of the best doctors Temple had to offer, and I was glad that she would be looking after me. I was now at the last of the pre-transplant tests to make certain that I could undergo the surgery. Over the past three weeks, she tested my heart, lungs, kidney, and every other vital organ. She said it was necessary because it would be used as a baseline against the post-transplant tests. This would be a great indicator to see if any body functions have been impaired.

Finally, my life was getting back on track. God was giving me a second chance. I didn't want to miss out on any of the promises God had given to me before the illness. The opportunity of a bone marrow transplant was a definite sign to go back and changed some of the decisions I made. My heart yearned for Robert. I should have never let him go without telling him what was taking place in my life. Yes, it seemed like the best decision at the moment. I wanted to protect him. I was unsure if he could have a normal life with me. However, the guilt of leaving him and not sharing had become a burden on my conscious, and no matter how hard I tried to rid him of my thoughts—the love for him continued to grow in me. I wanted and needed him back in my life.

I knew my expectations for a successful bone marrow transplant was forward thinking, and there was a possibility that things would not go in my favor. Yet still, it was a chance to have hope in life and love again. I asked Dr. Dufresne how long it would take before she knew the bone marrow was a success. She explained that she would monitor the transplant four to six weeks and keep me isolated so that there would be no infections. I would then have to do follow-up visits every two months to check the status of remission. This was good news for me. Once I knew everything was okay, I was going to find a way to tell Robert. He needed to know the truth.

##  Robert

Three weeks passed and I was working hard in establishing plans for the new division. I had become so busy in putting together the first phase of Grayford Entertainment that I found little time for fun and leisure. Serena and I were getting along well even though we had to sneak moments to see each other. We had gone out a few more times since our first date, but she clearly understood that the pressure was on, and I had to do an impressive campaign for landing this account with our new client. Because my schedule was so vigorous, she and I talked mostly in the evenings over the telephone, and a few times, we found a way to meet each other for lunch. Fortunately, our places of employment were only a few blocks away and it provided us with an opportunity to keep the flame of our new relationship burning. When the end of the month arrived, the team and I had put in place a pretty good strategy for Focus Three Records. Tonya was ecstatic. She loved all of our concepts and congratulated each of us for stepping up to the plate and creating something out of nothing.

We had three days to go before the huge gala for Trios. We invited to the event everyone that would make a difference in the success of Grayford Entertainment, and Trios. We chose the right media outlets, the hottest club owners in Philly, and all the top radio personalities to come out and hear this incredible new sound. In addition, we convinced some of our other clients from the fashion, beauty, and wine industry to show their support through sponsorship packages. The stage was set, and all we needed to do was give this group a place to showcase their sound.

I was excited about working with Trios. Although the CD was market research for me, it had also become one of my favorite music choices. The sound was different and fresh. The mixture of jazz, spoken word, and hip-hop over live instruments, offered a different flavor in music. In truth, I would have represented this group because I believe in their music, and what they were looking to do in the music industry. There was no wonder to why the sound had taken off the way it did in Europe. However, I also realized that due to the uniqueness of the music, Trios had to earn its way into the listening ears of Americans. Philly was a great springboard. If they could impressed the people in Philly—then going into other markets would be easy sailing. Most people believe that the best place to start a new market is either in L.A. or in New York—but I'm convinced that pleasing Philadelphians is the hardest market of them all.

Friday arrived and I was hype. Earlier that morning, I went out to purchase a new suit for the event. I wanted to be at my best game, and clothes always seemed to make a difference for me. Not to mention, this would be the first time Serena would see me at work, and I wanted to make an impression on her. Harry had become my right hand man on the project. It was mostly his ideas in getting current clients to become sponsors. All week he had been in my ear asking me if this would be a good time for him to bring his new friend Kandie around so that I could meet her. Five times, he tried to get us to meet, but every time the moment came for us to get together, our schedules conflicted. So when Harry asked if it would be proper to bring Kandie as his date, I didn't hesitate to saying yes.

We all were to be at Josephine's by seven o'clock. The Gala would start promptly at eight. However, Tonya wanted her management team in the restaurant an hour before just in case there were any questions—or if something needed to be tightened up. My plans were to pick up Serena around six. This would give us a little time to spend with each other. We hadn't seen each other in over a week. Tonya had arranged each of us to have a driver for the evening just in case we had to pull out all the stops for entertaining possible clients. Sometimes in settings like this—we would spend all evening networking just to make certain everyone was being taken care of properly. I arrived at Serena's promptly at 5:30. I couldn't wait to see her. When the driver pulled up to her place—I said to myself, "Finally, I can now spend some time with her."

##  Serena

The evening was special for me. I called Alex so that she could go with me shopping to find the right dress to wear. The entire day we shopped—I thought of how sheltered my life had become. My entire life centered on my children, and to make certain they wouldn't lack for anything. I hadn't realized by focusing all my energy towards my children that I would lack in providing time for myself. Alex and I had to visit six stores before we found the perfect dress. It seemed as if every store we visited were putting out spring fashions, and it didn't matter that it was mid-February and only thirty-eight degrees outside.

Alex was excited for me. It seemed as if she was more thrilled about my evening with Robert than I was. Maybe it was because she had become my closest friend over the past four years, and saw my struggles with the children. On many occasions, she'd tell me that she admired my strength because she didn't know how I could keep a handle on everything while raising two children without any help. I would always respond, "A single mother has to do what a single mother has to do—and she can't depend or wait on a man for help."

I was responsible for my children's lives, and I didn't have time to sit in self-doubt because I had to become a positive role model for them. Sure, it's tough sometimes, and all I want to do is cry because the loneliness eats away at me. But, whenever I would look at my children—I would swallow my sorrow. Their lives depended on me being strong. It didn't matter what anybody else said or did because the true test ended with how I was going to find a way to provide my children with a good life.

I was dressed and ready by five fifteen knowing that Robert wasn't going to arrive until six. However, it didn't matter because I felt like a princess that was about to be taken to a grand ball by her future prince. The fact that Lucky had called me earlier that morning and left a crazy message on my machine about how much he couldn't wait to see us—still didn't change my thrill for the evening. Somehow, I needed to find a way to tell Lucky to give up on trying to make our marriage work for us. The young girl he had captured so many years before no longer exists. The words he would say to me back then could no longer penetrate my heart or place me upon a spell that had me mesmerized by his words. My life had seen too much, and the lines of yesterday seemed childish and immature to me.

I sat in the living room waiting and dreaming of how the night with Robert would unfold. I missed him so much. Sure, the phone conversations were great, and seeing him occasionally over lunch was nice, but I wanted to be with him more. It seemed to me the many nights we talked for hours on the phone, that he wanted to be with me—as much as I wanted to be with him. There were nights when I would stretch across the bed, listen to Robert's voice soothe me, and I would imagine his hands stroking my hair as he spoke. His smile would invite me into his arms, and I would welcome his comfort much like a cold body would welcome a blanket on a cold wintry night. My desire for him grew stronger whenever we would talk, but I knew we couldn't be together. I understood the importance of us growing and learning of each other first. Besides, I had my rules about allowing any man to surface in my children's lives, and no matter my feelings—the children had to be my first concern.

When the doorbell rang, I hopped from the sofa with such anticipation for the evening that I tripped over the coffee table. I couldn't wait to see Robert. He had arrived almost thirty minutes early. It was a good thing I was dressed and ready or he would have caught me off guard. He looked amazing when I opened the door. The overcoat and dark black suit fit well on his body. It seemed to show every inch of his muscles. My heart fluttered when I saw him, and I was speechless. We had been talking and seeing each other for nearly a month, and I didn't know whether or not to hug, kiss, or shake his hand.

"Good evening, Serena," he spoke and grinned. "You look amazingly beautiful," he said as he continued to stand in the doorway. "Are you going to invite me inside?"

"Yes," I answered hesitantly because everything about him that moment had me wanting to wrap two years of pressure around his body. "Please, come inside. You just caught me off-guard." I smiled.

"I see that you are all ready to go."

"Yes. Just let me grab my coat and purse, and we could leave." I walked pass him to grab my things. Out of nowhere, he grabbed me by the hand.

"Hey. It's okay," he softly spoke. "We got a little time before we have to leave. I had the driver to bring me early so that we can hang out with each other for a minute. The past four weeks have been hectic, and neither one of us have had a chance to really be with the other."

His hands rested gently on my arms. I stood sideways to his shoulder with my back facing him, and my front seemingly still dashing towards the bedroom.

"Come. Can we sit down for a minute?" He pointed to the sofa. "I've missed having a quality moment with you. Don't get me wrong, the lunches are great, but we always seemed to rush away from each other. I would like for this moment right here to be more than that."

I turned to face him. Again, his eyes seemed to look completely through me. The way he stared reminded me of the first night we met. I could see his warmth. However, this time I could not resist his charm, scent, or masculinity. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned forward and kissed him. It was breath taking. I caught him off guard because as soon as the kiss was over—he leaned backwards and looked at me.

"Wow! Whew! Where did that come from?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," I responded embarrassed. "I—"

Robert placed his finger on my lips, and walked me to the sofa. He didn't say anything. He just looked at me and rubbed his hand across my cheek. I didn't know what was going through his mind. What I did know was that his hand felt soft against my skin and with every stroke of him touching me—I wanted to be even closer to him. My heart began to pound fast, and I could feel the sweat beginning to drip down the center of my spine. However, I just sat there and welcomed his touch.

"You are so beautiful," he said and smiled. "I can't put my finger on it Serena, but you extinguish a hurt that burns inside me." He leaned forward and kissed me. It was soft and sensuous. This time when we kissed, I felt a release in his heart. Even if I tried to explain the emotions that poured from his body and surged into my own—I couldn't. The feeling was so burdensome that I saw him for the very first time. No matter what I thought I saw of Robert the weeks prior—it was in that single kiss that allowed me to explore his deepest thoughts. I felt his pain, and I saw his joy.

As his lips pulled away, the palm of his hand stroked my cheek. I slightly turned while allowing my lips to touch his hand, and I eloquently kissed it.

"I'm glad that you walked into my life Serena. I'm happy that we are getting to know each other more."

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. When he spoke, the words seemed as if they were said in slow motion. He had me, and if at that moment he wanted anything from me—I would have given it without question.

"Let's go," he then said and stood from the sofa. "I know the driver is probably wondering where we are."

I had to take a deep breath. The brief moment of intimacy had me flustered. So I walked to my bedroom, took another deep breath, grabbed my coat and purse, and Robert and I left for the evening.

##  Jade

Stephen and I had been out shopping for the most part of the day. We couldn't wait for the end of April to arrive—when we would take our Eastern Caribbean cruise. We had planned for nearly a year to take a vacation together. And, Lord knows I needed a break from knotty heads and snotty noses. If I wouldn't see another pair of pants that were urinated in again—it would be fine with me. Besides, I wanted to come off spring break with a fresh attitude and a new vigor for my little ones. Five months of dealing with ignorant parents who really didn't understand the value of my being their children's teacher would chase anyone to an exotic island. Truthfully speaking, I needed a break. It seemed like everything around me was like a wall closing in on me. Even my romance and relationship with Stephen had become complacent. It wasn't until one evening when he invited me out to dinner and I began to speak with him as if he was a six year old did I recognize I needed a break. Well actually, Stephen made the decision for me when he popped up over the house with tickets for the both of us.

Two and a half years he and I had exclusively been seeing one another. We met six months after I graduated from Virginia Union, and moved back home. Robby was still living at home at the time, but as soon as it looked like I was going to be okay, and that I was involved in a serious relationship with a man—Robby quickly moved. Stephen had just moved back to Maryland himself after completing a five-year term at Lincoln University. I would always tease him because he had to do the five-year plan before graduating with a Bachelor of Science degree. However, he would respond, "It doesn't matter when I completed. I'm just happy I completed."

It was eight o'clock in the evening when Stephen and I returned to my house. My hands were full with bags. And Stephen being the kind and gentle person that he is— chose to allow me to wrestle with getting the door open with my keys in hand and holding the bags at the same time. There was a time in the beginning of our relationship that I wouldn't have needed to ask him to grab my bags because he would have automatically done it. However, it seemed like most of the shivery had left him except for him holding open the storm door as I clutched a few bags between my legs and trying to put the key inside the lock to open the door. Finally, I looked at him and just nodded my head.

"Are you going to help me baby?" I asked sarcastically. "Or are you going to simple stand there with those wide eyes and watch me struggle?"

"Oh. I'm sorry babe," he responded clueless. "I thought you were handling it." He grabbed one of the seven bags out of my hand as if the other six weren't there.

"Thanks pooh," I said and rolled my eyes to let him know he was messing up for the evening.

"What?" he asked as if he didn't have a clue to why I was agitated.

Finally, I opened the door. When I walked into the house, I noticed that there were messages left on my answering machine by the red light blinking on the cordless that hung from the wall in the hallway. I dropped the bags at the edge of the hallway to check the voicemail. Most of my girlfriends knew I was going to be out shopping for the evening, and I told Robby not to give me a call until later when he returned home from his gala. Other than Diamond, I couldn't think of anyone else who would be leaving me a message. There were three unanswered calls. The first was a window treatment company trying to tell me I had won a free consultation on a new thermal window program. The second was the loan officer from the student loan consolidation that was going to help me to put all my loans in one program so that I didn't have to keep writing multiple checks to different lenders. However, the third message clearly caught my attention and was a total shock.

"Good evening. This message is for Diamond Miller. Ms. Miller, this is Dr. Strong calling from John Hopkins. If you could give me a call on tomorrow, I have a few more questions pertaining to your mother that I didn't get a chance to ask when I saw you on today. So if you could please come to my office before going to see your mother, I would greatly appreciate it. If you have any questions, please give me a call at 410-555-4826. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you."

I looked at Stephen with a stunned look on my face. He continued to stand at the edge of the hallway trying to get pass the sea of shopping bags I left in his path. Then I thought to myself, "Why would Dr. Strong be calling Diamond?" When Diamond and I talked three weeks ago, she didn't have any concerns about Janet. I wanted some answers. I called Diamond at home and then on her cell phone—but she didn't answer. I was determined to find out why Dr. Strong was continuing to call us about Janet. Once more, I listened to the message so that I could get the telephone number to Dr. Strong's office. I knew it was too late to talk with her, but I wanted to leave a message on her machine so that she could give me a return call. Stephen then walked up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulder. I could feel the heat of his breath on my neck. He must have noticed the change in my mood because I was now frantically searching to find a pen to write the number.

"Jade, what are you doing babe?"

"What does it look like?" I answered pulling away and snapping at him for no reason. He hadn't done anything to me. But I felt as if I was being kept in the dark. I couldn't explain the feeling—I just knew that it was strange for Diamond to be talking with Dr. Strong. Ever since I was fifteen, I had been asking my family to help me to find my mother. But over the years they would always convince me that it wasn't a good idea. Now to hear that Diamond was having some sort of relationship didn't sit well with me at all.

Stephen called out my name again. "Jade! Why are you running around like a madwoman?"

I stopped, took a deep breath, and turned to face Stephen.

"Honey," I responded softening my voice, while at the same moment raising my hand. "Give me a few minutes okay. Why don't you go into the living room and fix us both a glass of wine. Just—just give me a minute while I make this call to leave a message."

Stephen looked at me with sobbing eyes as if he was one of my first graders seeking attention. He understood that I was on a mission, and the best thing that he could do was step to the side for a few moments. He walked out of the hallway and politely took my advice.

I didn't expect Dr. Strong to be in her office when I called. It was seven-fifteen on a Friday evening, and the last thing I thought was for a doctor to be in the office after five.

"Good evening. This is Dr. Roslyn Strong." When she answered the phone—her answering took me by surprise. I was ready and prepared to leave a generic message, but was unprepared for having a conversation.

"Good evening Dr. Strong. This is Jade Miller. You called my home this afternoon for my sister Diamond—concerning our mother. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Oh yes Ms. Miller. I left a message for your sister. Is she home by any chance?"

"I'm sorry doctor—but my sister Diamond doesn't live here. But is there something I can help you with?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Miller, but I need to speak with your sister. Do you have an additional number where I can reach her?"

"Yes. But can you tell me the nature of your call?"

"Ms. Miller my records pertaining to Mrs. Janet Miller specifically say to only talk with Diamond Miller. I'm sorry. But, if you can give me a number to where I can contact your sister—I would greatly appreciated it. Then perhaps you and your sister can discuss any other matters."

"Excuse me," I responded agitatedly because I couldn't understand the secrecy. "How about I get Diamond to give you a call doctor?" I knew she could hear the frustration and agitation in my voice.

"That will be fine, Ms. Miller. I will wait to hear from your sister."

I hung up the telephone more puzzled, angry, and a little bit rejected. Truthfully, my feelings were hurt. When it came down to Janet, it mattered to me as much as to anyone else. I needed to take a deep breath before I joined Stephen in the living room. I also owed him an apology. Frustration had gotten the better of me and I should have never released it on him. However, knowing Stephen as I did—my little tantrum didn't mean anything to him. One of the reasons I love him so much is because he doesn't allow burdens to sit on his back. Stephen is a solution type person. Never had I ever in the last two years of being with him saw a problem get so beneath his skin, that it would frustrate him.

When I walked in the living room, he sat comfortably on the sofa with a glass of Pinot, and waited for me to join him. He looked relax. The room was dim with two candles burning, and soft music playing. As soon as I saw him sitting comfortable and not looking as if he had a care in the world—I calmed myself. I recognized what was important. I wasn't going to let go of the notion that Diamond was keeping secrets from me, but I did realize that I should be enjoying the moment with my man. He and I had such a wonderful day, and to allow it to slip away from some message on the phone would be a mistake. I walked over and sat next to him. He stretched out his arms and I snuggled underneath him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and poured me a glass of wine.

"Yes. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" he confirmed his question while staring in my eyes. "Is it something that you would like to discuss?"

"No I'll be okay. Everything is cool."

"Come here sweetie," he said and gave me a larger than life hug. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know babe," I responded and gave him a kiss. "Thank you darling. I'm so happy to have you in my life. You treat me too good."

"Yeah I know," he responded and laughed.

Just as we were getting comfortable, halfway through the bottle of wine and seemingly melting in the moment—the telephone started ringing.

"Are you going to get that?" he asked.

I looked at him and then looked over at the telephone. There was no way I was going to leave the mood that he and I were enjoying.

"No," I answered. "Let the machine get it."

Stephen grabbed the wine from off the end table and poured another glass for himself. Two glasses were more than enough for me. I was feeling relaxed. I didn't want to destroy the moment by consuming more than I should. Three times the telephone rang before the machine received the call.

"Hey Jade. It's me Diamond. I saw that you called me. I guess you went out for the evening. Give me a call when you get this message. I'm stepping back out, but I'm going to return around ten. Love you. Talk to you soon."

I popped up from Stephen's arms. However, before I could reach the phone—Diamond hung up.

##  Robert

Everything was perfect when we arrived at Josephine's. The event planners did everything exactly as we requested. The restaurant looked wonderful. Tonya and some of the other members of the team were already there and waiting on Harry and I to arrive. Trios hadn't made it to the restaurant yet. There were some unexpected delays at the hotel and they were running a little behind schedule. However, their manager assured us that they would be there at least fifteen or twenty- minutes prior to their performance. As Serena and I stepped inside the restaurant, it seemed as if every eye focused on us. I don't know if it was because most of my fellow co-workers were so used to seeing Tiffany on my arms or if Serena and I looked that good together. It felt good to have her on my arms. She looked amazing. The black dress that she wore fit radiantly on her body. It hugged her figure in all the right places. She was a woman to be admired. I looked at her once more before we fully entered the restaurant.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Absolutely," she answered and held my hand tight.

"Come; let me introduce you to my boss, and the rest of the team."

Tonya was engaged in conversation with Art, one of Philly's top radio personalities when I approached. When she saw me, she turned from her conversation and gestured for me to come over.

"Tonya and Art, please allow me to introduce you to Serena. She so kindly agreed to be my date and join me this evening."

"Aren't you beautiful?" Tonya complimented Serena as she reached to shake her hand.

"Thank you," Serena responded. "Robert has said a lot of wonderful things about you, and your agency."

"He better had," Tonya smiled and laughed. "After all, I just handed him the keys to my heart." Tonya winked at me and smiled. "Serena. Sweetie," Tonya then said as she grabbed Serena by the hand. "Why don't you and I go and grab a glass of champagne for these handsome gentlemen."

Tonya was smooth. She did not see the evening as a sociable occasion, but rather as an opportunity to get as many people in the pockets of Grayford Entertainment as we could. This was a working evening, and she didn't want any of us to lose sight of our purpose. However, I also knew that she wanted to size up Serena, just as she did with Tiffany many years ago. When Tiffany met Tonya for the first time—we were at a Christmas party that the agency hosted for many of our clients. Tiffany told me that Tonya had boldly asked her, "Are you an asset or threat?" Tiffany didn't know how to take the question. We had just started dating, and she didn't know if Tonya was an old girlfriend or what. She then told me that Tonya said to her, "I need to know what type of relationships my key players are involved in because I can't afford for them to become distracted while holding my company and dreams in their hands."

I watched Tonya as she walked away with Serena. As much as I wanted to hold on to Serena, I understood my role. I was at an opportunity of a lifetime, and I couldn't get off track.

"Your boss, Robert, is a beast," Art said as he watched Tonya walk away.

"Yeah. That is one way to describe her," I responded. "She knows what she wants."

"So, tell me Rob. I can call you Rob, right?"

"Definitely man."

"Rob. Is this group as good as your agency has promoted them?"

"Absolutely Art. Didn't you get a CD inside the promo pack with your invitation?"

"No. I didn't get that. Our station manager gave me the invite, and told me to come. You know how it is man. Your agency sends us an invite, and it's a given that somebody from the station is going to attend. You guys place a lot of radio advertisement with us. Man your agency could have said you were hosting Bucky the Clown, and I would have been here."

"I hear you Art," I replied, and knowing that he was telling the truth. Tonya was great at positioning our clients through different media markets, and all of them knew our agency could have chosen another station instead. "But Art—I'm telling you. This group is the new sound. Listen, I'm a music man from Hip Hop, Blues to Jazz. But when I listened to this CD—I get it all in one sound. I can't wait to hear this group perform."

"Okay," Art responded. "You've piqued my interest."

Just at that moment—Harry entered the restaurant. If Kandie was the woman he had on his arms, then there was no exaggeration when he said she looked like a woman that stepped out of Vogue Magazine.

"Wow. Who is that with Harry?" Art asked as Harry took notice of where I was standing and began to walk towards us.

"Oh. You know Harry already."

"Yeah. Who doesn't know Harry?"

"Rob," Harry yelled as he walked towards me. "Art, what's going on man?" he said as he gave both Art and me a handshake.

"Gentlemen," he said as he introduced Kandie as if she was the opening act of a concert. "Allow me to introduce you to this beautiful woman. This is Dr. Kandie Dufresne."

Both Art and I reached out to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you gentlemen." Her British dialect was sexy. Not to mention she had the eloquence to go with it. Harry looked at me and hit me on the shoulder.

"Didn't I tell you she was amazingly beautiful, Rob? Look at you. You can't take your eyes away."

I searched the room to see where Serena and Tonya had disappeared. They were standing near the bar and seeming to get along. I wanted to be close to Serena, and it didn't matter what Tonya expected from me on the evening. I wasn't going to allow work to ruin the night I had planned for us.

##  Serena

"Serena, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, she said and grabbed a napkin from the bar to catch the moisture that was dripping down the side of the champagne glass.

"How long have you and Robert been dating?"

Tonya seemed pushy to me. I never met anyone like her. As much as I admired her strength, I was equally afraid. It was evident that she was not the type of woman that takes no for an answer. The moment she grabbed my hand and escorted me across the restaurant, I knew I was in for something. I simply didn't know what.

"We've been going out for nearly a month now," I shared and hoped that was the extent of the conversation she would ask of Robert's and my relationship.

"That's nice," she responded, but I could feel that she wasn't comfortable with the newness of Robert and I being together. "What happened to the other girl he was supposed to marry? I think her name was Tiffany."

"She did not just ask me that question," I said to myself, and ready to chop her in the throat. If I had learned anything from my experience of being with Terrence—it was to be on guard and to look out for the punches. Tonya had crossed the line. However, I knew I had to keep it cool. I was an invited guest. Besides, Tonya should have known better. She was a strong sister and understood the rules of the game.

"Robert and I never discussed his past relationships," I responded while trying to keep my composure. "But if you don't mind, and I hope I'm not stepping over my boundaries. I would much rather not speak of women from Robert's past." I then touched her on the hand as I was speaking. "And honestly, it would be tasteless, and disrespectful to Robert. And it appears to me that you're not the type of woman that welcomes tastelessness or disrespect." Tonya smiled at me when I finished speaking. It was as if I had passed some test.

"Good for you," she said. "I like a woman that knows how to handle her business. Come with me Serena. Let's go grab our table and have a seat."

Our table sat in the middle of the restaurant and fifteen feet from the stage. I was excited. This was my first time being in a room with so many big shots. There were players there from the 76'ers, Eagles, the Phil's, along with some of Philadelphia's top singers and rappers. The room was star studded, and I was in the middle of it all.

Tonya and I hadn't sat at the table five minutes before Robert walked over and sat next to me. Harry and Kandie followed shortly after him. Robert introduced them to me as soon as they took a seat. Kandie was a pleasant woman that fit in well with the people in the room. She had a presence in her beauty that was confident but not conceited. Harry on the other hand was loud, and seemed out of control.

Robert moved closer and grabbed my hand. His palms were sweaty. I saw that he was nervous so I leaned next to him and softly kissed him on the cheek. Tonya looked at me and winked as to say, "That's it girl. Calm your man's nerves." She then stood and waved for the waiter to bring more champagne to the table. Once each of us had a glass in our hands she stood and made a toast.

"Well Team," she said with a larger than life grin on her face.

"This is the beginning of a new era for the Grayford Agency, and I would like to propose a toast to a wonderful team and job well done." Once she finished speaking, she placed her glass at the center of the table, and proceeded to the stage.

"Good evening everyone," she said as she took ownership of the room. "I want to thank each and every one of you for accepting the Grayford Agency's invitation for the launch of our new division Grayford Entertainment. This is an exciting time for our company, and we wanted to share this occasion with you. Each of you are invaluable in our growth, and we couldn't' have had this accomplishment without your trust in us."

Just as she mentioned the name of the new division, the restaurant staff entered from the rear of the restaurant with a huge cake with large candles that sparkled. Everyone began to applaud. "Also," she said. "Allow me to introduce the president of Grayford Entertainment, Mr. Robert Miller." Robert stood and waved. "And," she said. "To show our gratitude of your support and trust, please accept these gifts as tokens of our appreciation."

When she mentioned gifts, another crew of twenty people entered the restaurant from the kitchen carrying tiny gift bags. All the men received one type of bag, and the ladies something different. My admiration for Tonya grew even more at that moment. She was sharp, and everything I would hope to become. Kandie and I both were taken in by it all. I had never seen anything like it. If this was the way, the connected in Philadelphia lived—then I wanted to be a part of the scene. The gift bags had gift cards, jewelry for the women, watches for the men, dining out certificates at five star restaurants, vacation vouchers, and certificates to the top spas. It wasn't like anyone in the room needed it, but I bet most of them would take free any day.

As Tonya was preparing to finish, a gentleman walked to the stage and whispered in her ear.

"Ladies and gentlemen I've just learned that our guests of honor for the evening have arrived and ready to show you how music should be performed. This is a wonderful moment for us, as we have partnered with Focus Three Records to promote their latest artists that has been tearing it up all over Europe. This group has been selling hundreds of thousands of CDs overseas with their funky blend of Hip Hop, Jazz, and Blues. Without saying anything more, allow me to introduce to you Philadelphia's born and raised Lucky Johnson, Marcus Givens, and the band. Give a warm welcome to TROIS."

When Lucky walked out on that stage, my mouth dropped. While everyone else stood on their feet—I had difficulty getting up. Robert, Harry, and Kandie were going wild. Kandie was more excited than any of us. She was already familiar with the group being that she was from Britain. They had become one of her favorite groups. She was excited to see them up close and personal. Robert looked back at me, and I was still sitting.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"That's Lucky," I pointed out to him.

"What did you say?" he asked again because he couldn't hear me over the applause. He leaned closer and asked me to repeat what I said.

"That's Lucky," I said once more. He looked towards the stage and then looked at me. His facial expression changed.

"Your Lucky?" he pointed and asked.

"Yes," I responded and nodded my head.

##  Lucky

"Good evening beautiful people. My name is Lucky Johnson, and we are Trios. We hope this evening will become a memorable one for each of you. However, before we get started we would like to thank our gracious host for this evening. Give a round of applause to Grayford Entertainment." When I looked at the table to offer our gratitude to our gracious hosts for the evening and saw Serena sitting there, my heart stopped. I hadn't seen her in nearly a year. She had become even more beautiful. I stared as her eyes focused on me. I was like a twig caught in a gushing stream. There were so many things I wanted to say to her when I arrived in Philly, but I didn't know when I would get the chance. So many times, she had told me that there would never be an opportunity for us again—but what she didn't know was that she was the only woman I ever loved. I've always felt bad about leaving the way I did nine years ago. But, I saw the conditions of our family and understood that Serena needed more than a man with a regular nine to five. She was special, and I wanted to offer her the world. The first year of our marriage was such a struggle for us that it hurt my heart every day. It seemed like hot dogs and bologna sandwiches were our meals of choice. I tried that whole going out and working to pay our bills and put food in the house. However, it always seemed as if there was too much month at the end of the money. When she and I stood in front of that altar, and I promised to give her everything—I meant every word. Then the day she gave me the ultimatum of coming home from securing our future or walking away, I knew that my choice was to continue and press forward to build something for us. Yes, I know it wasn't the best decision. I've regretted that choice every day of my life. Whenever things were going well for me—I made certain that Serena and Raven would receive whatever money I earned. There hasn't been a day in my life when I haven't thought of offering them the best that the world could give. She and Raven are my strength of inspiration whether Serena believes me or not. It doesn't matter what she has done, or how much our lives have changed. I still want her with me. I know it seems crazy, but that's just the way it is. Now, here I am with a multi- million-dollar record deal, and all I want to do is share it with my family.

The band began to play the first cut from our CD, and suddenly I remembered the reason I was on the stage. I began to vibe. The music grabbed me, and I immediately became focused. I turned to face the band and gave them a nod that tonight was going to be special. The beat was hot, and we were ready to give the best performance of our careers. I said to the crowd, "Tonight brothers and sisters, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to ask you to relax your minds, and allow the rhythms of the music to soothe you. Let this intellectual, tranquil, and cosmic vibe put you on a natural high—that takes you on a journey and escapes to paradise. Please groove with us, as we introduce you to the first cut off our CD—'Unbelievable.' I wrote this song based on a love that I allowed to slip out my life. I hope that you enjoy it as much as we love to perform it."

##  Robert

Unbelievable was my favorite song from the CD. It seemed like every day for the past three weeks I played that song repeatedly. I shared with Harry that regret was all in that song, and that is what made the song beautiful. I would listen to the song, and my thoughts would turn to Tiffany. I would see her smile, and then I would see the tears on the day she left. She was the exquisite beauty that walked out of my life. My father would always warn me and say, "Every man is tripped by true love at least once in his life, and that same love often breaks a man's heart." Tiffany was my first true love, and she broke my heart. However, the difference between Lucky and me was that he chose to abandon his true love, and he now feels the weight of regret.

The more Lucky began to speak the words of the song, I saw him reaching out to Serena. His eyes locked on her with every word. It seemed like he was apologizing for every bad decision he ever made pertaining to her. He was gentle in his singing, but the more he spoke—Serena looked infuriated. There I was in the middle of a love triangle. As much as I tried to resist the awesomeness of the lyrics—I still found myself singing along as if his desire for Serena didn't matter. The guitar gently played in a soft melody. The drummer tapped to a quiet echo. The sound was sensitive, and apologetic. I looked over and I saw Harry grab Kandie's hand. It appeared that everyone in the restaurant was moved by the lyrics.

I remember when you touched me—and your world became my own.

Whenever you smiled at me—I never felt alone.

You are the heartbreak—that I allowed to slip away.

There isn't a day that goes by—that I don't want to say

Please come back to me—let's face another day

Hurt could never describe what I feel inside

You are the center of my dreams—and everything that seems

Like my life could achieve—almost anything

You're unbelievable—unbelievable

I can't live—without you

It's inconceivable—inconceivable

That I walked out on you...

Just as Lucky was at the chorus of the song, Serena stood from the table and walked out of the restaurant. Tonya looked at me confused by what was taking place. I didn't know whether to chase after Serena, or to sit there and appease my boss. It wasn't until Lucky dropped the mic and walked off the stage that I realized I needed to follow Serena. The restaurant came to a halt. Chatter began to surface through the room. Marcus, who was another member of the group reached down and grabbed the mic from the floor. It seemed as if the whole thing was rehearsed. The band didn't miss a beat. I looked over at Tonya, and she gave me this look of approval that forced me go and find Serena.

When I walked outside, Serena and Lucky was in heavy conversation. She had tears of anger in her eyes. He stood in front of her almost like a prince who had misplaced his princess.

"Baby," he said to her, "can't you see that this is fate for us?"

"No Lucky," she responded, "this is coincidence. Fate left you and me nine years ago when you decided to leave your daughter and me to pursue your dreams."

"I've always been with you baby," Lucky responded as if the nine years of hurt and struggle that Serena had gone through didn't matter. He tried to place his hand on her shoulder but she jerked from him.

"Listen," she said, "you need to go back inside, and do what you came to do. There is nothing for you and me. You caught me by surprise, and that's all."

Neither of them saw me standing in the door as they were talking. It was brisk outside. I saw that Serena was cold. I walked over to her, and placed my suit jacket on her shoulders.

"Are you okay, Serena?" Lucky looked at me with this strange look wondering what was my relationship with Serena. He was clueless in knowing that I was the person who would now be responsible for his career. But just the same—he was equally responsible for my success at Grayford Entertainment.

"I'm fine Robert," Serena answered, "let's just go back inside, and know that none of this even matters." She grabbed my hand and we walked back inside. Lucky stood there rejected and hurt. Truth be known—I felt sorry for him.

As the three of us walked back inside the restaurant, all eyes were on us. Drama had now entered the room. People were curious to what was happening. Lucky hopped back on the stage and grabbed the microphone. His group members looked just as confused as everyone else. Marcus, the Hip Hop lyricist was now approaching the end of his verse, and as soon as he finished, Lucky was back in stride. Serena and I returned to the table. She cuddled close to me. I comforted her by placing my arms around her. I knew she was hurt. I understood the pain—but more importantly, I saw her need to feel loved.

By the time Trios began to sing a third song from their CD, it seemed like the drama dissipated. The music was so good that the audience became so focused on the group that they could care less about what had taken place a half hour prior. In spite of it all, Trios was a hit. When they began to perform the last song for the evening, the audience chanted for more. The night was a success. Tonya was happy. Our invited guests were captivated, and Trios was on a path for more stardom. As an entertainment agency, our expectations could not have been more. Tonya climbed back on stage. She grinned from ear to ear. If no other person understood what this evening meant for the agency, Tonya did.

"Let's give it up again everybody—for Trios," Tonya shouted then walked around the stage to introduce each of the group members again. She was in rare form. As she approached each member, she gave him a firm handshake followed by a congratulatory hug. Photographers from the local papers were taking pictures, and she absorbed it all.

"Trios," again she repeated as they walked off the stage, and into the audience. "And ladies and gentlemen let us applaud again the man who made all this possible for the evening—Robert Miller." The room applauded once more. "Come to the stage Robert, and say a few words."

As I walked towards the stage, I saw Lucky take a quick stare towards me. I couldn't tell if he was looking because he felt grateful for the work we had accomplished, or if he was sizing me up. Whatever the reason, I couldn't be concerned. The team and I had work that needed to be accomplished. There were guests that we needed to persuade to use Grayford Entertainment.

"Are you having a wonderful evening thus far?" I asked. "This was a treat for all of us. It is good to have Trios back in the country and more importantly representing the City of Brotherly Love—Philadelphia. Let's show them some love once more." People began to applaud again. "Now, don't any of you go anywhere. The night is still young, and we want you to have a great time. Trios is going to be sticking around for a few in case some of you want to congratulate them on their CD release. And more important, for any of you artist that are in the room, I along with our entire team is here just in case you want to talk. Thank all of you again." I walked off the stage and returned to my table. Harry, Kandie, and Serena stood.

"Ah this was such a wonderful treat," Kandie said excitedly.

"I've been trying to expose people to this sound for quite a bit. It's funny. I just gave the CD to one of my patients the other day. I wanted to give her something that would boost her spirit."

"Rob," Harry said as he grabbed me by the arm. "Tonya is ecstatic. We did this."

"No Harry. You did this," I responded to give him his credit. "You were the one that thought of getting our clients to sponsor gift bags, the cake, and everything. I just followed your creativity, my Mr. VP of Grayford Entertainment."

Harry's eyes lit up when I said he was the VP for the new division.

"Are you serious, Rob?" he asked even more excited.

"Yes. Tonya and I talked about it, and she wants me to make you the offer on Monday."

"Whew." Harry was speechless. "This really does call for celebration. Rob, I know you don't drink, but have at least a sip of champagne with me." He gestured for the server. Kandie and Serena congratulated him on his new promotion. Harry leaned and kissed Kandie on the cheek, totally catching her off guard.

"Man!" he yelled again. His excitement was contagious. We all started laughing because he was grinning from ear to ear. Then he took a deep breath and started to calm down. I was happy for Harry. Over the past three weeks working with me—he pulled out all the stops. He deserved this promotion, and I was glad knowing that someone who had been working next to me was also reaping the benefits of hard work.

Tonya was standing and talking with Lucky. I knew she was pulling him into her world just as she did with the rest of us. They were laughing and seeming to have the best conversation. I turned to look at Serena and noticed that she had one eye cut towards Lucky. I was curious to what she was thinking. I knew she wanted to leave, but I couldn't risk the opportunities for the evening just because the moment was uncomfortable for her.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes. I'm fine," she answered with a tone I had never heard from her. I watched her study Lucky for another ten seconds before she turned to have conversation with Kandie.

"So Kandie, you're a doctor?"

"Yes," Kandie responded, "An Oncologist."

"Wow," both Serena and I responded.

"That has to be emotional at times," Serena stated.

"It is extremely emotional all the time," Kandie replied. "There are moments when I am overwhelmed. It breaks my heart to see a five year old suffer or perhaps die who has not experienced any of the joys of life. It's hard not to get emotional, but have to remember—I chose this profession to give hope, and to help save lives. That's when the profession becomes a joy. Every so often, I get to see God show mercy in a situation that I think has no hope at all. Then it all becomes so rewarding. Just like the young woman, I gave Trios' CD. We really didn't think she would have any chances of survival. Then all of a sudden, a bone marrow is matched for her, and she is given a second chance. It's situations like that which really inspires a person like me to continue the work in spite of the hurt at times."

"Didn't I tell you she was special Rob?" Harry bragged and wrapped his arms around Kandie. "She has beauty, charm, and brains. A man could not ask for more."

"Cut it out, Harry," Kandie said as she elbowed Harry off her. "Stop it. You're making me blush, and embarrassing me," she smiled.

Without any warning, Harry handed me his glass of champagne, and nearly spilled most of it on the floor. "Rob I got an idea. Don't move. I'll be right back." Like a madman Harry walked away from us and over to Stan who was the afternoon personality for Channel 4 news. I didn't know what Harry had up his sleeve, but knowing him the way I did—he had some brainchild that he thought was a good idea. The ladies and I continued to talk as Harry ranted to Stan.

Tonya walked over with Lucky on her arms. I didn't know what to expect from him or Serena. I just stood and watched how it would unfold. When Serena saw that Lucky was approaching, she took a deep breath, and grabbed my hand. Her grip was so tight that I felt the blood no longer circulating.

"Robert, I don't know if you formally had an opportunity to meet this gentleman. Allow me to introduce our newest client to you. Lucky Johnson, meet Robert Miller. Lucky, Robert will be the wizard behind the curtain, promoting and pushing your career."

I reached to shake his hand.

"So you're the guy I have to keep next to me, huh."

I didn't know how to take his statement. I couldn't tell if it was directed towards me pertaining to Serena, or if it was a compliment.

"And who is this darling beauty?" Lucky asked as he reached to shake Kandie's hand.

"Kandie Dufresne," Kandie responded anxiously and reached forward to shake Lucky's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you," she said. "I tried getting tickets to a concert you were doing in London six months ago, but the concert was sold out. I absolutely love your music."

"Thank you," Lucky responded non-arrogantly. "I only hope that it is received the same in the states."

"Of course it will," Tonya reassured in conversation. "Our agency will work hard at getting you the exposure you need. Your CD will be more popular than anything."

Just as Tonya finished talking—Harry returned.

"Rob," Harry spoke with enthusiasm. "Listen. I just got Stan to agree to do a feature segment on Channel 4, featuring Trios."

Stan and the Channel 4 mid show team had grown in popularity. No longer were they a local news show, but they had been picked up on the national broadcast as one of the best noon programs in the country. Due to their viewer ratings, artist from all over constantly positioned themselves for an opportunity to become a guest.

"This confirms our conversation, Lucky." Tonya joined in the conversation. "Trios will receive the best of promotions. The Grayford Entertainment team is going to work hard for you."

It appeared no matter how much Tonya tried to relay to Lucky that the group would be promoted properly—he barely listened. His focus was on Serena. I saw it and so did everyone else. His eyes keened in on her like a hawk. I could feel the chemistry between the two of them. He had a passionate love for her, and it seemed as if she wanted to escape. I saw the uneasiness of Serena's tension. The more Lucky looked at her, the closer she would clinch to my side. I felt like a tree standing in the midst of two storms. Serena would be the storm that captivated and moved me back with the realm of love. Yet Lucky had the power to build the career that was handed to me.

"That sounds like a great idea Harry," I said and hoped it would ease some of the tension. "What's the twist?"

"Well," Harry said as he took his champagne glass out of my hand. "I thought about what Kandie said about giving one of her patients the CD to build her spirit. So I pitched to Stan that we would agree to promote Trios through Temple Hospital as giving back to the community, and presenting Channel 4 as the first station to have an exclusive interview with the group. In addition, we will develop a fundraiser to help cancer victims. Kandie had shared with me the high cost of medical expenses of her patients. Everyone wins. Stan loved the idea. What do you guys think?"

"I like that idea," Lucky responded as he turned his eyes away from Serena and focused on the plan. Just as he turned, Serena let go of my hands and walked away. It seemed like the best time for her to escape. Lucky and I both watched as she walked away and sat at a corner table window near the front of the restaurant.

"Harry. That is a wonderful idea," Kandie said as she leaned forward and kissed Harry on the cheek. "The administration will love this. And this would be such a treat for our patients."

I was worried about Serena. She sat looking hurt and lonely. I wondered what she was thinking. As everyone continued to talk, I eased away. No longer was I going to allow Serena to suffer the pain, and hurt of having to watch everyone else glorify Lucky and the group, when all she could remember was Lucky being a man who had abandoned his family. I walked over to Serena and placed my hand on her shoulder. She continued to stare out the window. The heat from her breath softened the frost on the window.

"Are you okay?" I asked knowing that she wasn't. How could she be okay? The evening was a fraud to her. There wasn't anything special about Lucky in her mind. All she felt was the pain.

"No. I'm not okay," she answered while turning her head to look at me. Her eyes were glazed. She held in the tears. "I'm going to call a cab to take me home, Robert," she said, as she pulled her phone out of her purse. "I'm sorry," she sighed as she softly wiped her eyes before a tear would fall. "I can't stay. I want to be with you Robert, but I just can't."

I understood exactly how she felt. The burden of pretending that everything was okay was an unbearable weight. There were plenty of moments after Tiffany left— that I felt the same way. I remember the days when it was hard for me to get out of bed, and didn't feel like eating. I can still see those moments when I would go to the office, and couldn't give it my best because all I could think of was what did I do wrong, when in fact I knew that I hadn't caused the breakup. There were times when I would sit in the office meetings and all I wanted to do was leave. Sometimes I wanted to yell so that people knew I was hurting. However, I realized I had to put my best foot forward as if the ending of my engagement didn't faze me any. I knew exactly how Serena felt. The illusion of standing there and pretending like nothing was wrong felt like a pounding pressure on her heart. Serena didn't want that weight. Much of her life had been given into that illusion, and I didn't blame her one bit for not wanting to pretend any longer.

"Serena, you don't have to call a taxi. You and I came together and we will leave together," I responded as I placed my hand on the phone. "Give me a second." I walked to Harry and asked him to let Tonya know I had to leave. I didn't want to interrupt her as she was having conversation with one of the city council members. I grabbed Serena's and my coat from the coat check, and she and I walked out to the limo.

##  Serena

I didn't say much as Robert and I rode back to my apartment. I was still shocked from seeing Lucky. I don't know what bothered me the most. Was it the thought that Lucky was back, and pretending that he had done nothing wrong? Or was it because he was having the success that I had hoped he would never get. I know it had been nine years, and two men later since Lucky had abandoned Raven and me. However, it didn't release my anger, and bitterness for the choice he made about us. Yes, it was true that I often gave myself to him when he would return home during the first couple of months after he left, but I wanted him to know what he had passed up. I blamed Lucky for every heartache I've had in my life. My life was on the perfect path before he entered into it. My dreams were established. My goals were set. Then he showed up one day, and promised to carry me in his dreams, but as soon as our lives hit trouble areas—he ran. It was his fault that I comforted myself with Terrence. It was his fault we endured life—the hard way. His money would never be enough for us. I could never shed the real anger I have for him in my heart. Robert respected my silence. He continued to sit and never once asked a question. Had he said anything in that moment—I don't know what would have happened to our friendship. When we reached my apartment—he didn't even try to walk me inside or kiss me good night. He simply leaned over and placed his arms around me. "You have a lot to think about," he said. "And you need to be alone to do it." The driver opened the door, and I exited the limo. "I'll call you tomorrow," Robert said. "But if you need me tonight, please call." I was emotionally drained when I entered my apartment. There were five messages on my answering machine, but I refused to listen to any of them. I knew it wasn't my parents because if there was something wrong with the children—they would have called on my cell. My feelings were hurt and I couldn't understand why. I walked to the bedroom without turning on a light. I felt so weak that I couldn't take off my dress. So I just climbed on the bed only taking off my shoes. Before I could explain it or control it—I found myself pouring in tears, and praying that God would console the anger that was brewing in me. I was afraid because I had never really dealt with Lucky's and my divorce. It wasn't that I still loved him or anything like that, but I had a resentment towards him that was never resolved. How could I? When he left, I couldn't worry about where he was or what he was doing. I had to focus all my energy on my daughter.

The tears were so heavy that my entire body shook with hatred. However, I knew I could not allow the hurt to grab me and take control. I climbed from the bed and fell to my knees. "God!" I yelled. "Rescue me. I don't want to feel like this! I don't want to feel like this!" The tears wouldn't stop pouring. The more I screamed for God—the faster the tears flowed.

"I know Lord," I said. "I have to forgive him for the sake of Raven. I can't hold any grudges that would influence the way she feels. Lord, can you show me how to work through this pain so that my children could never see my resentment for this man? I need your help with this Lord. I need you. I need you. I know Lord I haven't always been the type of person, mother, or woman that you want, but God I know if I don't find a way to figure this all out, I would---." I paused for a moment to take a deep breath. What appeared in my mind to have been a ten-minute rest actually turned out as four hours of my body completely shutting down while being curled in a fetal knot on the floor. I couldn't explain it. When I stood from the floor and looked towards the clock, it was two-thirty in the morning.

My answering machine now had eleven messages. I was so exhausted that I didn't hear the telephone ring. My body was tired, and it seemed as if I had been wrestling in my dreams the entire moment while sleeping. I knew it was late, but I wanted to talk with someone. It was too late to call Alex, and it was definitely not a good time to call my parents. Then I remembered Robert said for me to call him if I needed him. So I did.

His reaction when he answered the telephone seemed as if he had been waiting on my call all night.

"Serena?" he answered.

"Yes. It's me," I responded, and suddenly found myself smiling.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No," I replied. "I just want to hear your voice, and know that you are there for me."

"I'm here for you Serena. I'll be here all morning if you need it."

"Why are you so good to me, Robert?" I asked.

"Because you are a good woman Serena. And I." He paused before he would say another word. I thought he was going to say that he loved me. But he stopped before going any further.

"What were you about to say Robert?" I probed hoping that his words would comfort me. The phone stayed silent for a moment and I waited patiently on his response.

"I watched you tonight Serena," he softly said. "And I realized that I am dealing with someone fragile. I mean. You carry yourself so well, and I have seen how strong you are. But tonight I saw your vulnerability. I saw that you have a softness that should be cherished, and a pain that needs to be comforted. I saw myself in you. It was a month ago when I didn't feel like anything was going to be right again. I understood your hurt, and I want to share in your healing."

Again, Robert found the right words to say. He comforted me again without even knowing how much it calmed me. I was falling in love with him, but I didn't know how to share it. I wanted to say something, but I knew if I said it at that moment, my reason for sharing my heart would have been tainted by Lucky returning in our lives. Therefore, I said nothing.

"Thank you, Robert. Those are the words I needed to hear." I began to cry again, but I didn't want Robert to hear or feel what I was going through. I quickly got myself together, and as much as I wanted to hear his breath whispering through the phone—I knew I had to say good night.

"Are you okay, Serena?" he asked again. He must have heard my sniffling in the background.

"I'm fine," I answered while fighting off the sound of crying in my voice. "Can we just talk tomorrow? If that is okay?"

"Sure," he answered. "Would it be okay if I stopped by to check on you?"

"Yes. That would be good. But can you come around seven because I promised to take Raven out to get a sleeping bag? She's going to be staying with some friends on tomorrow."

"Seven it is."

The next day, Raven was in rare form all morning. I don't know what my mother had given her before I arrived, but she was bouncing off the walls. I had decided to spend the day shopping with her because it had been a long time since the two of us spent quality mother and daughter time. I was also hoping by placing most of my energy on her that it would provide as a stress reliever from last night. Little did I know when I picked Raven up that morning she had conveniently had her friend Ashley spend the night. By the time one thirty hit I was praying that whatever possessed me to take two ten year old girls to the mall would be found and casted out forever. They ran me ragged. Just as soon as I thought we were settling on the best outfits in one store—they were on their way to another. I could hardly keep pace with them. Finally, I made the decision to simply give them the money and watched them as they walked from store to store. I positioned myself in a convenient place that could monitor their every move. I was so tired from crying all night that every step I took was a struggle. I hadn't mentioned to Raven yet that Lucky was back in town. My reason for the delay was purely selfish. I knew as soon as she found out her father was in town—she would have me tracking Lucky down and finding a rendezvous to meet. I didn't have the energy for being around Lucky. I needed just a little more time. Robert was still in my thoughts. I couldn't believe he sat by the phone all night just in case I needed him. He was the man I wanted. I would not allow Lucky to ruin my chances of being with Robert.

It was four-thirty when we finished shopping, eating, and spending time in the arcade. Raven and Ashley were having a good time, and I was happy just to see them have fun. But as soon as we walked out of the arcade and towards the main corridor of the mall, Raven dashed off running without saying anything. It wasn't until I heard her yelling when I realized what was happening.

"Daddy! Daddy!" she screamed. Lucky stretched out his arms to receive her. She leaped into his chest. "When did you get here?" Raven asked. Ashley and I stood looking like statues. She was amazed because she had heard Raven speak of Lucky so many times, but never believed any of it was real. And I was stunned because this was the last place I thought I would run into him.

"Hey Brown eyes," Lucky said as he grabbed Raven up and gave her a huge hug. "I've missed you. Do you know that?"

"I've missed you too, daddy," Raven responded. "Come. Let's go over and see mommy."

I couldn't believe my eyes. Here I thought I had planned the perfect escape from everything that happened on yesterday, but there was Lucky reminding me of it all.

"Daddy, this is my best friend Ashley," Raven pointed but clinging on to Lucky like a piece of lent to a pair of wool slacks.

"You are a beautiful little girl," Lucky said as he bent forward to shake Ashley's hand. "It is nice to meet you, Ashley." He smiled and she returned a grin as if he had just finished tickling her.

"Serena?" he then asked. "Can I speak with you for a second?"

"About what, Lucky?" I responded not knowing that Raven was watching and listening to every word that came out of my mouth.

"Listen Serena," he pleaded again. "All I'm asking is for two minutes of your time. Just two."

"All right," I answered. "Only two." There was an empty bench not far from where we were standing. I told the girls to take the bags and have a seat while Lucky and I talked.

"I'll talk to you later pumpkin," Lucky said to Raven and kissed her on the cheek as she walked away. His eyes brightened at the sight of her. There was no doubt that Lucky loved Raven. He had made mistakes early on, but I knew he cared for her. I simply couldn't give him what he wanted from me. I could never fill my heart again with his love. The wound was still fresh, and the cut was too deep.

"You got two minutes," I said and began to count the seconds on my watch.

"Serena. I want to apologize for yesterday. I know everything must have been a bit overwhelming. I should have let you know where I was going to be."

"Why?" I asked. "You don't owe me any explanations. Your relationship is with your daughter not me," I said with sarcasm and knowing it would cut him deep.

"Black woman," he said and smiled. "I know I owe you nothing, but my heart still breathes of your love. You may not believe it. But every day of my life has been about building something for us. I know my decision some nine and a half years ago wasn't right, and we've had this conversation a hundred times. However, I've always told you that my mission in life would be to give you everything your heart ever wanted. Well now, I've done it. Finally the music, the writing and everything has paid off, and I want to share it all with you and Raven."

Lucky reached to grab my hand, but I wasn't going to fall for the lines. I had grown bitter of him. He couldn't offer me what I needed. I pulled my hand away and signaled for the girls.

"I won't ever stop loving you, Serena. I will never stop."

He stood there as I walked away. Raven looked at us both, and I knew she hoped for us to be together. She had even asked me once if I loved her father. I had to tell her that I would always care for her father, but the type of love he wants from me I can't give to him. I knew my explanation was too mature for her to understand. Nevertheless, I needed to let her know that her dreams of us ever getting together would never happen.

We left the mall and I took Raven back to my parents for the remainder of the weekend. Outside of the night before, it had been three weeks since Robert and I shared an adult evening together, and I was still a little uncomfortable with bringing him into my children lives so early. It didn't matter that I was falling deeply in love with him because I understood that love has nothing to do with circumstance.

It was six o'clock when I returned home. As soon as I placed my key in the door—the phone began to ring. I rushed inside, and it was Robert letting me know that he would be at my place by 7:30. I couldn't wait to see him.

##  Chapter Four : The Gift:

Something that is bestowed voluntarily

##  Diamond

Jade cornered me as I was on my way out the door to visit Janet. It was nine- thirty in the morning on that Saturday when she popped over as an unexpected visit. She stepped out of the car as if she was on a mission. I had deliberately not returned her call or answered the phone the night before because I knew Dr. Strong had made the mistake of calling her instead of me. Everything about Jade's character was inquisitive. She had been curious ever since she was a little girl. Once she got her mind made up on finding something out—there was no convincing her to let it go.

Dr. Strong called because she wanted to inform me that Janet was showing signs of consciousness and appearing to recover. Something about the stroke somehow changed some of Janet's neural patterns. Although Janet was still falling in and out of consciousness, her thought patterns had changed, and Dr. Strong didn't know exactly what the results would be at first glance. She wanted to share the results of the brain MRI scan with me, to see if we could come up with a mutual diagnosis. Over the past three weeks, Dr. Strong and I had gotten to know each other well. Through conversation, we discovered that we shared relationships with several colleagues.

Jade strutted to my front porch just as I was placing the lock on the storm door.

"Where you off to?" she asked. "I returned your call last night but you didn't pick up."

"Yes. I know you did. It was late when I came home. I had work from the office that I needed to complete. I didn't want to call you because it was late when I finished with my work. I thought you were probably asleep."

"That's okay," she answered. "I thought I would drive over this morning to catch up with you before you started your flea market runs. I was hoping I could join you today. We could do that sister-bonding thing. You know Stephen and I are about to go on the cruise, and I thought I could pick up some knick knacks for the vacation."

I knew Jade was looking for more than a casual outing with me. I had on many occasions invited her to tag along, but she had always explained that she didn't like flea market bargaining because it reminded her of daddy taking her to the thrift stores for jeans and shirts when she was younger. I knew Jade was really looking for answers about Janet.

"I would love for you to go out shopping with me Jade, but today you picked the wrong time to come unexpectedly. I'm on my way to Baltimore this morning. I wish you would have called before you drove over."

"Baltimore?" she responded inquisitively. "What's in Baltimore? I'm not doing anything. Perhaps I can go with you, and after you do your runs—we could go over to Lexington Market."

"Actually Jade, I don't know if I will have time. I don't know when I'll be finishing my hospital runs today. I have to do some patient visits, and I don't want you to have to wait around for me."

"I don't mind," she said, and began walking towards my car as to say she was going whether I liked it or not. I tried my best to convince her not to join me. However, the more excuses I came up with, the more reasons she explained why we should hang out. It wasn't until she said, "Diamond. It's been a long time since we spent any time together, and that is my reason for popping up unannounced. I know how spontaneous you are. I thought it would be a fun and wonderful surprise."

She convinced me. I couldn't persuade her not to join me. I unlocked the door to the car. Before I could say anything else, Jade was comfortable in the front seat. I had two choices at that point. Either I could tell her the truth about Janet, or I could put the visit off for some other time. I knew Dr. Strong was hoping I would be at her office by eleven, but I didn't know how I would pull that off with Jade hanging on my shoulder. I was in a dilemma.

"How about a cup of coffee before we go?" I asked.

"That would be perfect," Jade responded. "I'm a little sluggish from yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking of why that doctor was calling you about our mother. It kept me from sleeping most of the night."

She looked at me when she finished speaking. This was her subtle way of saying she knew I was keeping a secret from her. My first thought was to ignore the statement, but I was tired of the secrets. I was tired of carrying the weight of it all by myself. Sure, Robby seemed as if he was in the picture, but the only thing he really offered was the finances. Just as my father had asked, Robby never once stopped taking care of Janet. It didn't matter what she needed or when she needed it—he always made way.

I sat quiet for a second while Jade waited on me to respond. I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn't know where to begin. The one thing I understood about keeping the secret for so long was when it finally surfaced—Jade would be the person to suffer the most. Ever since she was four years of age, we've led her to believe that her mother didn't want her, and her mother couldn't be found—when in fact, her mother was only thirty-minutes away, cooped up in a hospital, and screaming for her youngest daughter every day. I looked at Jade, and I did my best not to allow any tears to fall. I was remorseful for everything, but I also knew she would probably hate both Robert and I—once she learned the truth. I took a deep breath, leaned over, and gave her an enormous hug. I held her so tight that I knew she would become confused, and curious of my emotions. How was I to tell her that her mother tried to kill her when she was just a baby? When would I share that the father she had always known—was not her biological father? How was I to explain that her mother was in a mental institution? The weight was heavy, but I knew we could no longer hold on to the lie. I took another deep breath.

"What's the matter, Diamond?" she asked. "You're scaring me." I continued to hold her tight. The pit of my stomach began to cramp, and my mouth became dry. This was it. This was the moment when I would either offer her a tragic story of her life, or provide her the gift she had wished for—ever since she was a little girl. I started the car, and grabbed my composure. She leaned against the passenger side door, and watched with her eyes wide.

"Put on your seat belt," I said. "Come. I have something to show you, and a lot to explain."

##  Robert

Serena was on my mind for the most part of the day. I didn't like the way we ended our call the night before. I sat up most of the morning just thinking of ways I could make her feel better. As I always do when I want to think, I pulled out some old school jams, and allowed it to build my thoughts while I drove to Serena's. Before I had known anything, the music had me relaxed and standing in line at the florist purchasing a half dozen of yellow roses. "These should place a smile on Serena's face," I thought. But, I found myself stepping out of the line and walking to the greeting card aisle to find the perfect card that would express how I felt about her. Little did I know when I arrived at Serena's apartment—her intentions for me were more than I expected.

Attached to her door was a note when I arrived. I could hear soft music playing inside, and there was a sweet peach aroma that crept beneath the threshold of the door. I pulled the note off the door and began to read.

"Dear Robert," Serena wrote. "Please come inside. I left the door unlock for you. I will see you in a few minutes."

My first thought was that she had a quick errand to run, and would return soon. I didn't give much imagination that she would be inside waiting on my arrival. I opened the door. The apartment was lit with candles. The atmosphere was serene. Arranged on the floor were yellow roses with red tips. They were configured to the shape of tiny hearts from the front door to the rear of the apartment. Sitting on the coffee table was another note addressed to me and directing me to read it.

"Robert," she wrote. "I know I may be out of boundaries, but the yellow roses with the red tips mean that you are a friend, and I am falling in love with you. I know this may seem a little rushed to you, and a bit forwarding. However, I want to express my feelings for you. Before you take another step, please decide if you can handle what I'm offering. If not, I understand if you would choose to turn around and walk out the door. But, if you do choose to take another step, please continue to move forward."

I couldn't help but smile as I read the note. The moment had me intrigued. It played on my desires, and offered a sense of fantasy. However, I knew what I was getting involved in was serious. The question I needed to ask was if I was willing to go to the next level with Serena. Sure, we had been going out for a month, and I knew from the first moment I placed my eyes on her that she was special. Now, I was at a crossroad. Should I choose to move forward or retreat? If I chose to move forward, it would mean removing the thought of Tiffany completely out of my life. I didn't know if I was ready to let go of believing I would ever find Tiffany. Confused on what I should do I lowered my head and contemplated my decision. My heart pounded so fast that it felt as if I was going to have a heart attack. One part of my heart spoke boldly and said to move forward and chance the risk. While the other part of me continued to grab hold for someone that every now and again would taunt my emotions, and have me thinking of yesterday. I closed the letter, took a deep breath, and then I decided.

##  Serena

The door squealed as Robert opened it. The screeching sound pinched against my spine, and caused a tingling inside of me. I didn't know if Robert would choose to take my offer. I needed to take a risk in wanting to love him. I needed to make a bold move. I sat in the bathroom trembling and hoping that he would choose to be with me. I knew I wasn't the type of woman he imagined sharing his life. Everything about my life was opposite of who he was. He was a single man that was on the verge of doing great things. I was merely a girl with two children hoping he could look pass my faults and see my heart. There was nothing special about my life. I had a mediocre salary, drove a ten-year-old car that overheated, a tiny apartment, and no big plans for the future. Most of my dreams I had already accomplished. My life was now centered on my children. Why would Robert want someone like me? It wasn't that I thought less of myself, but to look at his accomplishments, he could choose any woman he desired. My heart pounded with anticipation. Would he take the first step, or would he run? The mood was set, and all he had to do was make the decision. I waited patiently as the candles melted, and the temperature in the bathroom began to rise.

The entire time sitting and waiting I thought of my life, and all the struggles I had to endure. This is the man for me. I assured myself. He is the man I've seen in my dreams. My craving for Robert grew stronger. There even came a moment when I wanted to sling open the bathroom door and yell, "Choose me. I will offer you everything you have ever desired of a woman. Come and trust me with your heart." However, I knew I couldn't be the one who forced our relationship to the next level. I offered the gift, and the invitation. He had to accept or deny. Then at the point where I was prepared to walk out of the bathroom and surrender—I heard footsteps, and the doorknob turned.

##  Robert

Just as I opened the door to the bathroom, Serena dropped her robe from her body and stepped inside the bathtub. The bathroom was dark and lit with candles. The back of her body faced me, and I watched intently as she dipped beneath a tub full with bubbles. It was as if she was moving in slow motion. Her body was perfect and beautifully sculptured. Every inch of what I could see of her body looked like it had been painted with the precision of an artist's brush. The sound of the water splashed against her body as she dipped beneath the water. I stood at the door speechless.

"Hmm," I said to myself. "This is a moment of decision."

I knew what was taking place. I understood the invitation. This was not some casual stroll of desire. A sacrifice was offered to move forward as a couple. Just before I opened the door, there was another note taped on the outside that read, "Entering means starting a new beginning. I am offering you everything of me."

She was right, and I did not know if I was ready for what she was offering. My feelings were strong for her. The past four weeks I could not get her out of my thoughts, and there was no denying that I was falling fast for her. I closed the bathroom door behind me, and walked inside. We stared at each other. The mood was tense. The heat from the candles forced her to sweat, while the flickering from the candlewick captured her beauty. She smiled and the look in her eyes engaged me with a reminder that she was a woman who understood what excites a man. From the front door, to the candles dimly lit in the bathroom, showed that underneath the innocence of her heart, was somebody who had on many occasions lured, trapped, and caught men from the fantasies that plagued their thoughts. I had to make a decision if I would be a pawn.

"I'm glad you chose to come inside," she said with her voice trembling with nervousness.

I didn't say anything. The soft music continued to play, and everything about that moment was painted with choice. She looked inviting. As much as I wanted to accept what she was willing to give so freely—I couldn't. It wasn't because I didn't want to climb inside the tub and wrap my body around her, but I understood how she was choosing to love me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm cool," I responded with a deep but calm tone. She stretched her hand out to me, and I took one-step closer to the tub. I was overwhelmed with thought. One side of me was saying, "Take her, and love her as she needs to be loved." While the other side whispered, "Protect her. Respect her, and give her the love she deserves."

I began to sweat from the steam of the bath water, and the heat of the candles. I sat on a stool placed next to the tub, leaned against the wall, and closed my eyes for a brief second.

"You are so beautiful," I whispered, and stroked her cheek. The bubbles covered her like a blanket. My thoughts were wild with passion, and every part of me said to escape because you are in danger of giving in to the lust that fuels you. However, I knew that running would destroy and hurt the both of us. I was at a man's moment where little boys would stumble and take advantage. I was at a man's moment where I could have chosen to allow the temptation in me to take control, and freely give of myself based on my own weakness. Yet, somehow, I understood that Serena had become a reflection of me. She was the hurt that I felt. She was the love in my heart that looked to be received. She was my passion that wanted freedom. I couldn't take advantage of the moment. The choices became clear. Either I could use this as a moment to satisfy my desire, or I could lay a foundation that would strengthen us forever. I took her hand and kissed it.

She looked at me and said, "I've fallen in love with you Robert, and I can't deny it."

I stroked her hair. "I know," I responded. "I'm falling in love with you."

She smiled again, and I leaned forward and gave her a kiss. The energy between us was great, and the passion had us wanting to explode. As I pulled away from her with my eyes still closed, I could still see her face.

"What's the matter Robert?" she asked. I had a look of absence on my face that was a blank stare that gazed into the doors of nothing—where awkwardness is met with fear. There was so much that needed to be said. If she and I were to go forward, then everything about how we approached one another—needed to be different.

"Serena," I whispered. "You are a wonderful and beautiful woman. This moment right here expresses to me how special you are. I want to be with you more than you can possibly know. Every inch of my body is pushing me to get undress and climb in that water with you, but I know that I can't. I want to love you right. There is so much going on in both of our lives right now, and although we both desire to love each other—we have to be careful of how we do it. Don't get me wrong. I'm looking at you and saying, 'Take this woman and make love to her.' But, I'm fighting my lust. I'm not fighting the love we could have for each other, but I'm fighting all the wrong choices you and I have made in our lives. This is where most of our relationships have begun, and I don't want to start off like this. Even though this looks like the right moment, and the mood is set perfect—I know this isn't what we should do."

"Robert," she then said, and placed her hand on my knee. The water pushed through my pants, and I felt the warmth of the bubbles pressing to my skin. "I want to love you," she said with heavy passion. _"_ _I want to share the best part of me with you."_ She grabbed my head and kissed me so passionately that it took my breath.

"NO! _"_ I said and pulled away. "This isn't the best part of you. There is so much more to you. You need to know how wonderful you are. You making love to me and sharing your body is only a small portion of what you have to offer. The best part of you is your strength. It is your desire for life. I may have started being attracted to you based on your looks, but after our first dance and holding you close to my heart—I felt something more in you. I can't explain it, but I just felt something special in you that gave me a feeling to want to learn all that I can about you."

She then leaned her head against the wall of the tub, and tears began to pour down her face.

"Why won't you love me?" she screamed and asked as if I was rejecting her. She wanted to be needed, but she didn't understand that her desire for someone to need her had always placed her in relationships that had no real substance. I wanted her to know that the only thing I needed from her was a woman who was confident in her life, and could value us loving one another truthfully. I wiped the tears from her face, kissed her on the forehead, and leaned forward to the tub.

"Serena, I am loving you," I answered. "Just because I won't have sex with you—doesn't mean I'm not loving you. Every thought I have of you—I'm loving you. Every smile that we share—I'm loving you. If anything, I am loving you just as you need. I truly believe, Serena that you are the nourishment that can feed my love. I value that more than stroking my ego by climbing in bed with you. I would hope that you feel the same way."

She didn't say another word and neither did I. Everything in that bathroom, in that moment seemed to stand still. The calm that captured us could not be described. The bubbles began to fade from her body, and her beauty unveiled. I was mesmerized by what I saw. I tried my best to keep my hands away, but I couldn't. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to treasure the gift of being in her presence. So I grabbed a wash cloth that was sitting on a towel rack for decoration, and dipped it in the water. The water was still warm. I grabbed the bottle of shower gel that was sitting at the edge of the tub, and poured a little on the cloth. I began to wash her body as if she was innocent, my spiritual sister, and my friend. I started first with her arms and gently washed to the tips of her fingers. I proceeded to wash her neck down to her feet. Still fully dressed with shoes on, I stepped inside the tub, knelt down, and placed her feet on my chest. I couldn't explain the feeling, but it seemed as if I had stepped from my own needs and focused on her pain. I began to wash her legs. Before I had realized it, I washed her entire body. It was as if I was washing away every heartache, moments of loneliness, days of insecurity, blow of pain, and years of regret that she had ever experienced. The temptation to make love to her grew deeper in me with every stroke of the cloth. It felt as if I was standing in the middle of a desert where I had been lost for days with nothing to drink. She was the oasis to quench my thirst. However, I knew to fight the temptation would give us a fighting chance to grow our love. I continued to repeat in my thoughts a scripture from Songs of Solomon that Pastor taught in Bible study the Wednesday prior to me seeing Serena. "Help me to remember Lord," I prayed. I could feel the temperature in my body start to rise. I closed my eyes on the next stroke of the cloth, and whispered to Serena, "I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. If you are chaste, I will strengthen and encourage you." I repeated again, "I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. If you are chaste, I will strengthen and encourage you." When I finished, I had her to stand, and I caressed her dry with a towel. It seemed like forever in that bathroom. My pants and shoes were wet, so I had to remove them. I wrapped the towel around her body, and escorted her to her bedroom. She followed as if I was a guide giving a grand tour. When we reached the bedroom, I directed her to lie across the bed. I grabbed the lotion from the dresser, and massaged her from her head to the tips of her fingernails, down the spine to her toes, until she drifted to sleep. She rested peacefully, as if all of her worries had gone. I sat on the floor while she slept in the bed. I was exhausted physically, and mentally. There was something in that moment of fighting temptation that had every lusting desire in me—aiming to please my flesh. I watched her for the remainder of the evening like a soldier standing guard to protect a priceless treasure.

##  Serena

I woke up to the sound of banging on the door. Robert was asleep on the floor with a towel covering his naked body. Cold air pushed through my bedroom window, so I grabbed the throw blanket from the foot of my bed to keep him warm. I turned to see what time it was because it felt as if I had been asleep for days. As Robert massaged me, I felt like I was letting go of every bad choice I had ever made. If I thought I was in love before, I was even more in love with him now. He treated me well. I offered to make love to him because I knew once I had him in the bed he wouldn't be able to resist my heart. If I didn't know how to be with a man in any other way, I knew how to love a man in bed. However, Robert was gentle with me. As much as I was angry in that split minute of rejection, I came to understand that he was offering me a chance to be with him in a more mature relationship. All of my choices in relationships before were based on an emotional decision, and physical attraction. Robert wanted more from me than a sexual moment that would have had us feeling good, but with no real substance.

Why Robert slept on the floor, I couldn't understand. There was more than enough room in the bed next to me. The knock at the door was louder the second time. Robert popped awake, and quickly sat up.

"What's that?" he asked.

"It sounds like someone is knocking on my door," I answered.

"What time is it?" We both looked at the clock and it was four-thirty in the morning. Eight hours I slept. I don't know what it was about that massage, but it relieved all my worries and tension. I was still fully undressed, and feeling a little embarrassed at my nakedness. I know it didn't make much sense because of my earlier offering to Robert, but I was now feeling self-conscious about allowing him to see me unclothed, and I know he felt the same.

"Do you want me to go answer it?" Robert asked. He walked to the bedroom door and flicked on the light switch next to the doorframe.

"No. I'll answer it," I responded while walking to the closet to grab a robe. I felt Robert's eyes all on me.

"Are you sure?" he asked again with a concerned look on his face. "I'll go with you."

As I was approaching to answer the door, Lucky called out my name.

"Serena! You in there? Come open the door for me sweetie. You know I love you."

When I heard his voice, I stopped moving forward. There was no way I was going to answer the door.

"Um Um," I whispered to Robert with a twisted look on my face. "I'm not answering that door. It is way too early on a Sunday for this." Lucky had been drinking. His voice slurred as he yelled through the door. He began to sing.

"You know that I love you. Won't you let me—in your door? Girl, I'm thinking about you, and I'm a fool—for your love." I tip toed back to the bedroom, and pushed Robert back inside and onto the bed.

"Don't say anything," I whispered. "Maybe he'll think I'm not here, and leave." Robert and I began to laugh.

"You like that song, Serena?" Lucky yelled through the door. "It's gonna be the next single from the CD. I wrote it for you baby."

"Wow. That man truly does love you, Serena," Robert said jokingly. "We better go and let him inside." Robert stood and began to walk out of the room. I grabbed him to stop him from going.

"You know I love you Serena," Lucky yelled once more. "I know I shouldn't have left you and my baby girl. It was wrong for me to do it. But, I had to make the money. Look, and come see. We can be a real family now. I got some keys for you to our new house. Not in a neighborhood like this, but in a real one. You know the kind with two garages, and a yard for Raven, and your little man to play. I want to take care of you sweetie. I want to take care of all of you. You just got to let me come in and talk to you."

I pleaded with Robert to sit down, keep quiet, and to not open the door. He wanted to go out and rescue Lucky from the embarrassment, but I told him to allow Lucky to stand out there and think I wasn't home. I didn't feel like being bothered. Robert and I was on our way to building something special, and what I wanted at that particular moment was not Lucky stumbling through my door with the smell of brown liquor on his breath. I wanted to curl up against Robert and lay my head on his chest for the remainder of the morning. There was no way I was going to allow Lucky to spoil that for me.

I then said to Robert as I pushed up against him and placed my fingers on his lips, "Let's just ignore him. Eventually he will realize I'm not coming to the door, and will leave. I want to be with you."

"I don't know, Serena," Robert responded and still concerned for Lucky. "It seems kind of sad. That could be me out there begging for your love."

"Come and lay next to me Robert," I asked while pushing my bedroom door closed to drown out Lucky's conversation. "It is too early in the morning for this. I'm going back to sleep."

Robert looked at the door, and then he looked at me. I could tell he wanted to lie back down, but for some reason he had this committed look on his face to rescue Lucky. He didn't owe Lucky anything. But, it seemed to me that every effort Lucky made when calling out my name, Robert saw his client drowning in desperation.

"Are you going to stand there Robert?" I asked. "Or will you come and hold me." I made the choice plain for him. There was no way he was going to resist recapturing everything we shared last night for the sake of relieving Lucky of looking like a fool.

"I'm sorry Serena," he then said. "I can't be with you like this. What if the situation was reverse and there was some woman standing outside my apartment and yelling for my love, could you just go back to sleep?"

"Yes," I answered. "Especially if she didn't mean anything to you, as Lucky doesn't mean anything to me." We stared at each other for a few seconds after my response. Just as I thought I had made a sound argument, Robert surprised me, slipped on his pants, and walked out of the bedroom to answer the door. By the time he answered, Lucky was gone. I was in the bedroom feeling angry. How could he have chosen Lucky over me? I curled underneath the covers in my robe with a pout on my face and malice in my heart. When Robert returned to the bedroom, I turned my back to him and faced the wall.

"Serena," he called. I didn't respond. I was upset. Sure, it may have been immature, but I wanted him to be with me, and he chose otherwise. Again, he called my name and I didn't respond.

"Serena," he said once more. "Why are you acting this way?"

"Because Robert." I turned and faced him in anger. "You didn't get it."

"Get what?"

"Lucky and my issue, is his and my issue. You should have come to me, and not worried about him. I'm here trying to recapture a moment we shared last night, and you walked away from it." I turned back around and faced the wall again. Robert sat on the bed, placed his hand on my side, and began to caress me softly.

"Serena, I wasn't interfering with you and Lucky. I'm sorry if you feel as if I did. But, think about it from a man's perspective. Here I am in the bedroom with a woman that I'm falling in love with, and there is another man banging on the door like a mad person. I would look like a nut if I didn't put a stop to it, and tell him to chill. My going to the door wasn't about you and Lucky, but it was about Lucky and me. I wanted him to know that I'm in here with you, and he was invading."

"No Robert. That wasn't your choice to make. It was mine. I have to be the one to tell him to stop, and when I think I can't handle him—then I will call on you. You can't make that choice for me."

"You're right, Serena," he responded in agreement. I turned with his hand still on my side, and his hand casually moved to my stomach as I turned. "Do you forgive me?" he asked and smiled.

"Yes. But----." He placed his fingers on my lips.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked again. All I could do was nod my head yes. He leaned forward and kissed me. "Good," he said as he pulled from my lips and placed his head on my breast to rest. I could say nothing more. I began to stroke the back of his head, and the next thing I remember was my waking up later that morning with my arms draped over him as he slept next to me.

##  Jade

Saturday was a rough day for me. My entire life changed in a split moment. When Diamond first began to talk, I did not know if I should be mad as hell or thankful for their protection. All I understood was that my life was surrounded with lies. Everything I ever believed about anything was covered with secrets, and deception. The more Diamond tried to share with me—the angrier and hurt I became. How could they have done such a thing? Why would they? Sure, I can understand the rationale of their thinking when I was just a young child—but to keep the secret going didn't make any sense. "It was a promise we made to daddy," she said.

Hell, Daddy's been gone for a long time now. Couldn't they have stopped the secret? Did they think I would run off and kill myself? I've been sitting in my bed all morning replaying the entire day in my head.

"Jade," Diamond said. "What I'm about to tell you concerning our mother may hurt, and I'm sorry." When she first began to explain it all and her voice started to tremble—I knew the conversation about Janet was much deeper than I anticipated. However, I didn't imagine it to be what she shared.

"I've been watching over Janet in the hospital," she explained.

"Okay," I responded nonchalantly, and thinking it was her prerogative to do. It didn't bother me any. I actually thought it was a good thing being that our mother didn't have any other family to take care of her. When Dr. Strong made the first call to my house, I thought to visit Janet myself—until my conversation with Robby. I mean—it was the Christian thing to do. I should have gone to her aide regardless of everything else. That is what I felt. But, after the conversation with my brother, I thought maybe she should be alone just as she abandoned us. We didn't owe her anything. If anything, she deserved the loneliness. How could a mother just abandon her children without once giving them any thought? There were no letters, postcards, or anything to say that she loved or cared about us. But that all turned out to be a lie. She didn't leave us. We actually left her. We gave up.

With every thought of the conversation with Diamond, I cried more. I became more bitter.

"Jade. Don't be angry," Diamond begged. "We were only trying to protect you."

"Protect me! You have lied to me all my life Diamond. That's not protection. I believed that our mother was nowhere to be found, and you're going to sit here and tell me she's only been thirty-minutes away all of my life."

"She was sick, Jade. We had to keep you from her."

"Yeah, that makes sense Diamond, for when I was eight or even fourteen. But to continue and keep the secret, as I became an adult—isn't fair. You and Robby had a chance to know our mother regardless of her behavior. I didn't. You all didn't give me that choice. I should have been given the same opportunity to decide if I wanted to pursue the relationship. From what you've shared with me from when you first learned about her Diamond—should have made you think differently. But you didn't. I've hated this woman for the most part of my life. I believed she didn't care for any of us. Do you know how it feels to sit in your bed at night and imagine what your mother looks like, how she would hold you, what she talks like, or even how she smiles?"

"I do. Jade," she answered. "I do." We both began to cry. Diamond was hurting as much as I was. It was a good thing that we were sitting in the rear of the coffee shop because our reaction towards each other was full with regret, hurt, and anger. Diamond reached to hold my hand and I pulled away.

"You don't really understand, Diamond. You think you do, but you don't. They gave you the chance to know her, but I didn't get that chance."

"There is so much more to it Jade, and you have to allow me to share it all before you place judgment on us. You have to know—it all was to protect you."

"Diamond, you keep saying that. What more is there? You told me that she's been institutionalize, and that she doesn't remember any of us. I get that. I even understand that she tried smothering me, and I should feel a certain way about that. I'm alive. I can't get angry about something I don't remember. What else is there for me to know? What else is there to understand?"

Diamond leaned forward and reached for my hands. More tears began to come down her face. I didn't know if I should feel for her hurt or my own. I felt numb. I felt nervous. However, none of what she shared hurt me as much as when she said to me, "Sweetie, I don't know how to say this to you." She began to cry even more. I began to cry.

"What Diamond? What else is there?" I asked holding back the tears, and wiping my face. "Just say it to me, Diamond. Whatever you have to say—please say it?" She took a deep breath and squeezed my hands. I could feel the tension from her grip. I could feel her pulse from the palms of her hands. She looked at me, and swallowed with nervousness.

"The man that you have always known as your father isn't your biological father. We've been trying to protect you sweetie. You have to believe what I'm saying to you."

"Say what!" I yelled while letting go of her hands. I couldn't believe what she was saying. "This can't be true." I took a deep breath and began to shake my head in disbelief. "Daddy would have never lied to me about something like this! He wouldn't have kept this a secret," I yelled. "Why are you saying this stuff to me? Why are you saying this stuff to me?"

"I'm sorry Jade."

"Sorry!" I yelled and stood to my feet. "Sorry! You say that as if that is going to give me some answers!" I stood, and began to pace in the corner of the coffee shop. It all was too much to take. Diamond looked as if she was afraid to move. She was speechless.

"Why would yawl keep this from me?" I asked as the tears began to gush from my eyes. My voice trembled. "My life is nothing more than a lie. First, you tell me about my mother, and how she's a mental person. Then you tell me that my father really isn't my father. Let me take a deep breath," I whispered to myself and stood further in the corner. My entire world shattered in a matter of minutes. Diamond stood and reached for me. I didn't want her to touch me. I snatched my purse from the table. I said to her in disgust, "I thought you loved me. A person that loves someone would never have done this."

I ran out of the coffee shop. I couldn't hold in the tears. I was hurt. My heart felt as if it was bleeding. I stood by Diamond's car and cried like an infant. Five minutes I stood and cried. I didn't want to talk with Diamond. I didn't want to have anything to do with her. Everything happened so fast. I needed to get away because what I was feeling wasn't good for Diamond or me. It was the first time in my life that I felt hatred for my family. The feeling gnawed at me as if something was ripping me in half. My only choice was to distance myself as quick as I could.

Diamond watched from the window of the coffee shop. I don't know if she was afraid to come out, or if she knew I needed a moment to myself. The five minutes I stood outside crying and trying to make sense of everything—felt like an eternity. Dozens of emotions sifted through me. Every hope, hatred, prayer, and fantasy of my mother appeared in my mind with vivid images of the days when I was just a little girl who tried to make sense to why my mother didn't love me. Just when I thought I had a grip on the anger—the sadness took root. A taxi was passing by—so I waved for her to stop. Diamond rushed outside to try to stop me from leaving, but I climbed inside the taxi, and left.

"Take me to Claiborne Road, please," I demanded.

"Is there any particular address, Ma'am?"

"No. Just Claiborne Road." The tears poured down my cheeks.

"Wait Jade," Diamond screamed to me. "Let me be here for you."

There was nothing more Diamond could say. There was nothing at all.

I called Stephen from the taxi to let him know I was on my way to his place. He was the only person I wanted to trust. If it had of been a normal situation, Robby would have been the first person I'd called. But, being that he had also deceived me—I didn't want to talk with him. All the years that he and I shared the house together, he could have found a moment to explain the truth about my life. Robby was the one person that I could always trust. However, I didn't know what to think of him anymore.

Stephen was sitting on the front porch and waiting for me when I arrived.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he handed the driver the fare.

"I don't know yet," I responded. "Can we not talk about it right now? I just need a place to sit and think."

"That's okay with me babe. Come on in the house. You can chill out for as long as you need." He grabbed my hand and escorted me in the house. The few paces from the driveway to his front door felt like heavy weights on my legs. I didn't know if it was the fear of facing the thoughts, or knowing that with every step I was running away from my siblings—when I knew I should have been walking towards them to face the deception.

For the remainder of the morning, and for the most part of the afternoon, I curled on Stephen's living room sofa trying to clear my thoughts. Just as I asked, Stephen didn't say much to me. He spent most of his time in his bedroom playing video games, and doing his best not to interfere. One of the things I had to make certain was that I didn't allow my bitterness for the moment to stop me from forgiving Diamond and Robby. Yes, they were wrong, and there is no real excuse for the pain they caused. But, I couldn't be so angry that I would allow the information to destroy our relationships.

Around three o'clock that afternoon I walked upstairs to Stephen's bedroom where he was sound asleep. The remote to the game was sitting on his chest while a bag of potato chips leaned against his side.

"Stephen Boo," I said as I shook his side. "Wake up, Boo."

"Um woke," he answered as he sat and stretched while wiping the crumbs of chips from the side of his face.

"Stephen can you drive me to the hospital to see my mother?" I asked. "I left my car parked over at Diamond's house. We can go and pick it up later."

Stephen looked at me curiously, and not knowing the reason behind my request. The last conversation he and I shared about Janet was with me saying to let her be alone as she left us.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yes. I need to meet my mother," I responded and not knowing why I was beginning to cry again.

"Come here baby. Whatever is happening, it's going to be okay." He wrapped his arms around me, and cuddled me as if I was a little girl. It was what I needed.

##  Diamond

Watching Jade meet Janet for the first time was one of the most childlike moments I had ever witnessed. Her approached towards Janet was much more different from my own—so many years before. Maybe it was because Janet was resting peacefully rather than in a ranting mad state from when I first saw her. Jade eyes began to tear. She gripped the edge of the headboard in nervousness. I could feel her sense of confusion even from where I stood.

"So, you're my mother," she whispered. "Hi, I'm Jade. Your daughter. I know that you may not remember me. It's been a long time since we've seen each other. But, I just want you to know that I forgive you for everything, and that I've always thought about you. You're not anything like I imagined. And, I'm glad because sometimes you appeared like a monster to me. But, you are so beautiful. You remind me of Diamond. She looks a lot like you. The both of you share the same cheekbone structure. Well, anyway I just wanted to come by and introduce myself. I have so many questions to ask you, and I don't know if you'll ever be able to give me the answers. Diamond told me so many things today, and I don't know if I'm coming or going. What I do know is that standing next to your bed and seeing you means more than I can explain."

Jade then kneeled to the floor. She hadn't noticed I was standing in the doorway. I saw her when she first entered the hospital lobby with Stephen. When Jade rushed out of the coffee shop, and hopped in the cab, I didn't know where she was headed. My first thought was that she would rush to the hospital, so I quickly drove over to make Dr. Strong aware of the situation. However, Jade didn't come until hours later. So when I saw her walk through the hospital lobby doors, I wanted to run over to her, but I knew she wasn't ready to talk with me. I was just happy to see that she was okay. She had rushed from the coffee shop so angry that I didn't know what she would do.

I kept quiet as she visited with Janet. As I approached the room, Stephen was walking down the corridor. First I didn't want to say anything, but I needed to know how Jade was coping with everything I shared.

"How is she Stephen?" I asked while placing my hand on his arm to stop him from walking pass and not saying anything. One of the qualities I admired most about Stephen—was that he didn't judge nor did he pry into our family issues. He was good for Jade.

"She's going to be okay," he answered. "She just needs a moment to adjust—that's all. How are you?" he asked.

"Considering everything that took place today—I'm doing much better."

"Good," he said, and walked away. "Diamond--," he then called. "Give her a few minutes before you go into the room. I'm going to grab me a drink. I'll be back."

When I saw Jade kneel to talk with Janet, I realized that my little sister had grown more than I had known. I had always viewed her as this spoiled girl that Robert, my father, and I had led to believe she could have whatever she wanted. But, it was at this moment when I saw that Jade was an adult. She had matured as a woman that I could admire. There was an incredible compassion in her. The entire time I listened as she spoke with Janet, had me full with sorrow, and joy. I had always wanted to tell Jade the secret. However, Robby refused to let go of the promise to our dad. I often believed there was a much bigger secret that Robby kept, but he was never going to tell. Why would a dying man want to carry such a secret with him to the grave, I never understood? I used to say to myself, "If the secret mattered that much, then why have us keep an eye on our mother all these years?" There were moments when I would visit Janet down in DC, and I wanted to ask her all the right questions, but I was too afraid that some of the secrets would never help her to become well.

The pen in my hand then dropped to the floor. The room was so silent when the pen hit the floor, it sounded like a thump from a drum. Jade quickly turned. I stood frozen. My intention was to continue to allow her to have the visit without any interruptions. However, when she looked at me, her eyes were red and full with tears.

"I want to pray for her, Diamond," she said and signaled for me to join her. "It's been a long time Diamond since I've said anything to God. In truth, I really don't know if God will listen to anything I have to say."

She stretched over and hugged me. "Diamond," she continued to share with tears pouring down her cheek and strong inhales from her mouth. "All I know is that I don't like what I'm feeling about you, Robby, or even her right now. The hurt is eating at me. I've never felt anything like this."

What was I to say to Jade? She was searching for answers. All my years of schooling and training, and when my baby sister needed me, I didn't have any words to share. So, I did what I knew best. I said nothing. I listened.

"Lord," she said softly as she turned forward and bowed her head with tears still pouring down her cheeks. "You know that I've asked for this moment all of my life. When I was a little girl, I used to kneel at my bedside when daddy would make me pray before bed, and ask you to send my mother back to me. It used to be the prayer I would request the most. When daddy used to send me down south to stay with granny in the summer—I would always ask granny what I should say in my prayers when asking you to return my mother home. Granny would never give me answers. She would have me sit at the edge of the sofa, as she would read wonderful stories to me from the Bible. I could never understand why she wouldn't answer, but she filled me with your scriptures. When Granny would finish she would stand from the sofa, and kiss me on the forehead. Then she'd say to me, 'Jade. God is the same God today, as God was yesterday, and God will be the same God tomorrow.'

I would ask Granny why she was telling me that, and she would always reply with a smile, 'Someday, just as I told your sister when she would come visit—you'll know when to understand it. God will help you through it.'"

Jade's memories of our grandmother brought tears to my eyes. The memories warmed me, and reminded me of everything I had forgotten. Somehow, during the course of living, I let go of the faith Granny would always share. My life had become so focused on my career, and trying to live without needing anyone, I had even stopped including God in my life. I pulled Jade's hand and held it close to my heart. She was being more mature at twenty-four than I could've ever been. Her words were inspiring, encouraging, and more than anything else—they were honest. I held on to her every word.

"Lord, I thank you for this moment. I thank you for protecting my family and me. I know God it was you who chose to wait for the right moment for me to understand it all. Granny was right. And, even though God I'm feeling hurt by all of this—I want to offer it up to you. Granny told me a story once about how you taught your people not to worry about anything. You said Lord through your Word, 'Bless those that mourn for they will be comforted.' Well, God this is a mourning moment for us, and I believe in what you say. I'm asking for comfort for my family. And Lord, just as the woman who had been bleeding for years believed that if she could simply touch your garment she would be healed—I too Lord believe that you can give healing to my mother. I know what the doctors have said all these years Lord, but I know that you can do differently. Allow your spirit God to lift her from the illness. Granny shared with me a story about Lazarus in the grave. It is one of my favorite scriptures. Whenever Granny felt like reading to me—I would ask her to tell the story of how God raised the man from the grave. I asked Granny God, why would you do that, and she said because you can. Well God, just as you did with Lazarus from his grave—I'm praying for healing for our mother. I pray that you would do it Lord, just because you can. I know it has been a while Lord since I have said anything to you. But, Granny said that you would give us grace and mercy even when we're not faithful. Help us Lord. Please help us."

Jade then took a deep breath. Her prayer overwhelmed me. It seemed to me that the room changed as she was praying. Peacefulness came over her. I could feel it. When I turned and looked towards the door, Dr. Strong and Stephen were standing with their eyes closed and heads bowed. Then, all of a sudden, when Jade and I stood to our feet, our mother took this amazing deep breath; and placed her hand on top of Jade's hand.

##  Robert

The office was hectic. Everybody was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Normally on a Monday people would appear as if they are in a zombie state, because they would dread returning to work from the weekend. I was thirty-minutes late to the office because my car had to be dropped off for inspection, and the rental service took forever in bringing me a car. Trish was standing outside her desk when I came through the office doors. Normally she would greet me with great energy, which would provide me with the extra boost I needed to get the day going. Her smile and flirty gesture would have me feeling so appreciative that I would go through the entire day smiling just because she greeted me in such a positive way. However, on today, she was so pre-occupied and talking with the maintenance person that she gave me a half wave while barely looking my way. I couldn't understand why the office was in such an uproar. People were moving desks from one end of the office to the other. Some of the employees who normally sat in the center of the room were changing spaces and pulling papers and pictures down from the side of their cubicles. The more I strolled through the office, the more it appeared as if everything was out of order. Finally, I got some answers. Harry approached me from behind and tapped me on the shoulders.

"Rob. Finally! You're here," he ranted. "Everyone has been looking for you since nine this morning. Friday was a much bigger event than any of us understood. Evidently, Ms. Grayford had some investors at the event that wanted to see first-hand if we were capable of making a transition into the entertainment industry. Ms. Grayford had been creating some behind the scenes deals to get more money to change our current infrastructure. Rob, the investors took the bait, and the check is in the bank."

Harry didn't take a breath as he was talking. His words seemed to have run together, but I got the gist of what he was saying.

"Also, Rob," he said while picking up the Monday morning Business Weekly from my desk. "Check this out."

Our pictures are on the front page. The headline read, " _Tonya Grayford Has Done It Again With Her All-Star Team. Investors Give Twenty-Million To Grayford Entertainment._ "

I was surprised by what I read. Tonya had some huge ideas, and I sat in the middle of it all. The one line in the article that grabbed my attention the most said, "Robert Miller, the president of this new division said, 'The future of entertainment marketing has to be more than promoting a CD cover, throwing up a few posters, or providing sound clips of the latest single. We have some aggressive ideas that will entice music enthusiast from every emotional angle. Our goal is to brand artist no differently than we would any other client, product or service.'"

The energy from Harry was overwhelming as he continued to stand next to me as I finished reading the article. He was anxious, and I could tell that he had more news to share.

"Ms. Grayford told me to send for you as soon as you got to the office. But before you go to see her, I need to show you something. We have a ten thirty meeting in the conference room—so we got to go quickly."

Harry rushed me out of the office and to the elevators where we traveled down to the eighteenth floor. The floor had been vacant for nearly nine months since HerBlouseshop.com relocated to take on new office space outside the city. I was full with anticipation. Harry's energy had me pumped. As soon as we stepped off the elevator to the front lobby of the floor—a sign display was on the wall in very large letters that read, "Grayford Entertainment." It took my breath. This is the reason why the office was so chaotic.

"Follow me, Rob. This is what I wanted to show you." We walked down the hall and to the left. "Here is your new office," Harry pointed.

"This is what I'm talking about," I yelled and jumped like a cheerleader on game night. The office was three times larger than the space I currently occupied. This was one of my dreams coming true. Although the office was empty, I envisioned sitting behind my desk, calling clients and closing deals. The window view was huge, and overseeing Philly and clearly across the Ben Franklin Bridge.

"It gets to you, right?" Harry laughed. "I'm right across the hall. Hard work pays off," Harry said as he walked to his office.

"Yeah. That it does." I don't know what it was about that moment, but I had to suck in my emotions. It wasn't that I didn't think I had already achieved this level of success, but this move somehow put the exclamation point to this chapter of my life. "Thank you, Lord," I yelled. "I know it is all because of you, God. Thank you so much."

Without breaking stride, I found myself covering the moment in prayer. It wasn't that I was huge in my walk with God, but I understood that what I was being given was all because of God's grace and mercy. I had a professor in college who said to me, "If you never forget how you get your blessings, God will always honor you with more responsibility."

Harry rushed back into my office, and with excitement, we dashed towards the elevators to have our meeting with Tonya.

"She's been waiting for you," Barb said as Harry and I approached Tonya's office. "Go on in."

As always, Tonya was standing and on the phone working when we entered. She pointed to the chairs for us to have a seat. Harry kept looking at me with a grin on his face as if he was going to ask me for a date.

"By the way, Rob," Harry whispered. "I spoke with Kandie first thing this morning and we are good for Trios going to the Hospital. She spoke with the head of their marketing, and pitched the idea. I'll be talking with that person later this morning."

"That's good news," I answered. "I have some good ideas for publicity for that. We can discuss that as well."

"Gentlemen," Tonya said as she took a seat behind her desk. "Did you get your car serviced Robert?"

"Yeah. I put it in the shop. But the rental service had me wanting to go off. They were supposed to have been there by seven this morning to pick me up. But they-----" I knew Tonya was never one to have small talk, and she gave me a look that expressed she didn't have time to listen.

"Anyway," she responded while clapping her hands together and cutting me short mid-story. "I know Harry has already shown you the new office—even after I told him to allow me to share it with you first." She smiled and shook her head at Harry.

"Sorry," Harry apologized. "I was excited for him."

"I knew you wouldn't be able to keep it to yourself, anyway. It is quite alright."

She stood from her desk and walked towards the front of it, and sat on the edge. "As you can see, we are making some huge changes with the agency. I'm sorry to have kept you both in the dark, but the board felt until you were officially in your roles that we would keep this first round of funding amongst ourselves. This is just the beginning for us, and we are about to make a huge splash. So far, my phone has been ringing off the hook since the event on Friday. In addition, since we have now appeared in the Monday morning Business Weekly, we've been getting more inquiries about our new division. I can't stress to you gentlemen how we all have to remain in our "A" game mode. Rob, at eleven this morning I want you to assemble all of your team in the conference room so that we can discuss strategies for moving forward. When I meet back with the board on Thursday, I need my strategy plan in place. Outside of the existing business model and deliverables they are already excited over—I need more defined strategies. This is what I need to know."

With pen and pad in hand, Harry and I listened and took notes as Tonya rolled out a list of things she wanted accomplished. The new division was opened for business. When she spoke of the vision for the company, she was full with passion. We exited her office with a mission at hand. The goal was simple and our objective was to become the agency that worked outside the box, and the agency of choice.

Twelve of us worked for seven hours in the conference room putting together our business strategy. Tonya left the meeting around four, and was excited about everything we had put together. By the time we had finished, the office was quiet. Everyone else had gone home for the day.

"Great job everybody," I applauded when we finished. "Ms. Grayford will definitely like our strategies and ideas for Grayford Entertainment. Each of you should be proud of what we've accomplished today. Now give yourselves a round of applause and go home. I don't want to see any of you tomorrow until 10 am. You deserve some rest."

Harry and I waited around until everyone left. He sat with his head placed on the conference table and hands stretched forward.

"This was a long day," he said as he stretched. "I hope Kandie forgives me. I was supposed to meet her for dinner this evening. I'm not going to make it. I am mentally drained. Let me give her a call."

He stood from the table, pulled his cell phone from his pocket, walked to the door of the conference room, and cancelled his date for the evening. I was glad because I needed to finish talking with him about the Trios event over at the hospital.

"Is she cool?" I asked.

"Yeah. She needed to cancel anyway. She has to do a bone marrow transplant on tomorrow, and needed to get some rest. She said she would give me a call after the surgery on tomorrow."

"Cool," I responded. "Hey, can you give me a few more minutes to discuss the Trios benefit. I wanted to do this earlier, but Tonya threw a wrench in that plan."

Harry and I worked an additional two hours. Once we completed our plans for the benefit—I shared with Harry the drama that was taking place between Serena, Lucky, and me. He couldn't believe what I was telling him. The love triangle was a mess. The only way I could alleviate the drama all together was to discontinue seeing Serena, and there were no chances of me letting her go. My feelings for her were getting stronger, and I wanted to pursue the relationship. Harry and I decided that he would take lead in putting together a team to work with Trios. I would only participate for the benefit appearance, but after that was over—I would have hands off. Harry and I understood what was at stake with our new positions, and we didn't want any personal drama to cause us to lose the contract with Focus Three Records. We were now at the top of our game with opportunity sitting in our laps. We knew I couldn't allow a dispute over a woman to destroy what I had worked so hard to accomplish. Based on everything I had learned of Lucky thus far—I knew he was a man on a mission, and I didn't know what he would try in order to rekindle his relationship with Serena.

##  Lucky

I watched him as he stepped from the elevator and began walking towards his car. There wasn't anything special about him. Sure, he was handsome, and appeared to have some success, but there wasn't anything he could do for Serena that I couldn't do better. Once before I allowed another man to pull Serena away from me, and there was no way I was going to allow it to happen again. I expressed to her before—there would never be a man that spoke to her soul as I did. There was too much chemistry between us. I am the first choice the universe gave to her. Whether she understood it or not— there were no second choices. One way or the other—she and I would be together.

The palms of my hands began to sweat the more I stared at him. I wanted to drive over and tell him to stop seeing Serena, but I knew this wasn't the time or the place. If I was to win her heart again, I needed to know everything about him. I had learned a long time ago, if a man is to win the war then he must understand the strategy of his enemy. Robert was now going to become the focus of my energy. Whatever plans he thought he would use to steal my family would be a mistake of judgment on his part. She would be my queen forever, and always.

##  Robert

Harry left the building before me. He asked if I wanted him to wait, but I told him to go ahead because I didn't know how much longer I would be in the office. The day had gone by so quickly that I couldn't return the call to Diamond from two days prior. She was still on my mind, and I needed to find out why she so urgently needed to talk. I first tried to reach her at home, but didn't get an answer. I then tried her on the cell. Then I remembered on Mondays, she volunteered as a counselor for a women's help line until eleven that evening. The parking garage was empty when I entered. It was so quiet that I could hear the crackling from the soles of my shoes whenever I took a step. It was somewhat eerie. The only thing missing from the scene was a second set of footsteps walking behind me. Occasionally, I would turn to see if there was any other activity taking place around me. "A man could never be so certain," I thought to myself. My mind had become so wasted from strategy planning all day that I had forgotten I had driven a rental to work. Five minutes I panic and searched for my car before it finally dawned on me. I felt like an idiot. The rental was only a few paces in front of me, but right before I reached the car, a dark blue BMW raced behind me. It was coming so fast towards me that I didn't know whether to run, or stand still. The windows were tinted, and the music coming from within the car was loud. The glare of the parking garage lights reflected the windshield, which kept me from seeing who was driving. I embraced myself and didn't move. Whatever was going to take place—was going to have to take me with a fight. The car stopped exactly where I was standing. I bald my fist and was ready for battle. The driver side window then came down. I was eager to see who was stalking me.

"Rob," Harry yelled through the window. "What took you so long coming down? I waited so that you could see my new ride."

I wanted to reach through the window and snatch Harry by the neck. "Stop driving like a nut! I didn't know who you were."

"My fault Bruh. I didn't mean to scare you. I wanted to catch you before you got in the car. And besides, I thought speeding over would be more exciting."

"Yeah, it was exciting," I answered sarcastically. "It was so exciting that you almost got knocked out."

"Ah come on. Cut it out man, and stop being a girl." He stepped from the car with the music still blasting. "Tell me what you think. It is perfect for me wouldn't you say? This goes from zero to sixty in five point eight seconds. It has a top speed of one hundred and fifty miles an hour. This is all me baby, and worth every penny of the grand-fifty I pay every month to lease it. A man has to live out his fantasies."

My first thought was to tell Harry that he was crazy to spend that much on the lease—especially after he just closed a mortgage on a house. However, I didn't want to rain on his excitement. Harry always utilized his money to purchase lavish things. Image was important to him. "Yeah, it's you Harry," I responded with annoyance. "I got to go man," I said while shaking my head at his irresponsibility. It wasn't that I was upset because he had the car. The car was beautiful. It fit Harry's style. But, I would always tell him to make certain he was stashing money for a rainy day. I didn't want him to be one of those brothers that worked hard for success, but was so busy worried about other people's perception—that he spent every dime trying to fit the model of what people thought or expected. I had seen it too many times.

"So what do you think, Rob?" he asked again and looking for my approval of his ride.

"The car is definitely you, bruh. But, I have to apologize. I'm so tired right now; I can't give it the thorough look over. How about a rain check on tomorrow?"

"All right, it's all good," he said as he climbed back in the car. "The coffee is on me in the morning." He drove out of the garage as if he was on a speedway. Once more, I surveyed the garage before I climbed in the car to make certain that I wouldn't get anymore unexpected surprises. Then right before I climbed in the car, I could have sworn I heard someone else in the garage besides me.

## Chapter Five: Disclosure:

The act or process of revealing or uncovering

##  Kandie

Outside of being Tiffany's primary surgeon and doctor, I had developed a very meaningful relationship with her. We had become much like sisters in a sort. There was something about her spirit that was warm. She had a gentleness about her that I couldn't resist. I would spend hours in her room with her—just to talk. Sometimes it appeared that I was giving her more attention than all of my other patients. Her life had become much of a fairy-tale, and it captured my heart. I had once asked her if there were anyone she wanted to call for a visit, and that is when she told me that she didn't have any real family. There were some foster parents, but she was trying to keep her distance from them. I asked her why she wanted to keep them out of her life, and she told me that the story was too complicated. She had a girlfriend, who would at least come three times out of the week, but three weeks after Tiffany's admittance to the hospital, the girlfriend was given a job in Los Angeles, and she decided to take it. Tiffany was left to deal with her leukemia by herself. How could someone as darling as she—have no one to care for her? It didn't make sense to me. So, I made it my personal responsibility to spend more time with her. Having to cope with cancer was hard enough, but to be alone with the illness was not fair. There would be days that I would be off from the hospital, and I would go to visit Tiffany. We would laugh, joke and talk about men for hours.

Then, one Saturday when I came to visit—I heard her crying. She whimpered soft enough that no one could hear. My first thought was that she was becoming more and more afraid because of the Leukemia. During that time, a bone marrow match hadn't been found, and I thought that her thinking she would possibly die had finally become a reality to her. However, that wasn't it at all. She was hurting because she believed she had made a terrible mistake. It was at that moment she shared how she had made the decision to leave her fiancé. She was lying on her right side with a pillow covering her head when I entered the room. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay Tiffany?"

"I'm okay," she responded with a sigh—but I knew she wasn't.

"Would you like to talk about it?" I asked again, and hoping that she would open up to me and share what was concerning her. One of the things I had learned being a surgeon was that patients who kept a positive attitude of their illness were always the patients that recovered better. It was something about being depressed that seemed to always progress the disease towards fatality. We could offer all the remedies for coping with the cancer, but it always came down to the emotional state of the patient that made the difference. I was not going to allow Tiffany to fade out of life without a fight. I knew her time had not come.

I waited for her to respond. She turned and looked at me while wiping the tears from her face.

"Dr. Kandie. I never told you, but today was supposed to be my wedding day. I called it all off when I first learned about my cancer."

My eyes began to tear when she told me. I couldn't believe it. In all the days we spent sharing—she never mentioned her engagement. The tears gushed from her eyes. I felt sorry for her.

"Darling," I responded. "Come here. It's going to be okay."

"I know," she replied. "I just can't stop thinking about how I was supposed to live my life. I miss him so much. I love him more than anything."

"Then why not tell him, and let him be here for you?"

"I can't," she answered as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "I couldn't put him through this. I want him to have a normal life without having to worry about me. I love him too much to see him suffer."

Every day after that conversation, I did my best to keep Tiffany in good spirits. So when the opportunity came to have Trios come to the hospital and perform—I jumped all over it. It was something about their music that satisfied the emptiness of loneliness. The lyrics of all of their songs spoke directly to the heart. Tiffany had grown to love the group as much as I did. We would sit in her room, and sing lyrics of the songs together like two schoolgirls. Then, when I shared with her how I had the opportunity to meet Lucky the lead singer of the group—she was blown away.

Three weeks I kept the secret that the group was going to come and visit her. This was a little gift of hope for her as she prepared to leave the cancer center the next day. I had become pleased with Tiffany's recovery. The transplant had gone well, and although I knew there were huge chances of relapse—I prayed she would stay in remission. She deserved a second chance at life. Already she had given up on so much, and personally, I believed if anyone should be offered a tad bit of joy—it was her. I couldn't possibly imagine having to walk away from someone that seemed so perfect for me. However, she did it to spare his heart of pain. If I didn't know anything else—Tiffany was special, and she deserved to have joy again.

The Channel 4 news crew circulated from room to room of the cancer suite. We all were excited. This was a wonderful time for us because publicity was being offered about cancer awareness and the need for support to find cures. Tiffany was still unaware of everything that was happening. I had arranged it so that she would meet the group before they performed. Harry was to bring them to her room. I couldn't contain myself. The entire time I sat and talked with Tiffany about how she felt about finally leaving the hospital—I wanted to spoil the surprise.

I waited with pins and needles in excitement. She knew I was up to something. Every now and again, she would ask what I was up to—but I would ignore her. I knew if I gave any clues, I would end up telling it all. Harry and I had it all worked out. We had arranged for Stan and the Channel 4 team to come to the room when Trios arrived. Lucky had agreed to do a special performance just for Tiffany. I couldn't wait to see the surprise on Tiffany's face. One of the nurses signaled me as the group made their way to Tiffany's room. Finally, I could share the news.

"Tiffany," I said and hardly being able to contain myself. She sat straight in her bed and looked at me as if I had gone mad. "I have a surprise for you."

"I knew you were up to something," she said smiling.

"In about two minutes," I shared. "You are going to be screaming like a teenager."

"What have you done?" she asked.

I then said to her, "You know how much you've fallen in love with Trios?"

"Yes," she responded.

"Well, I've arranged it so that they would come to visit you."

"Stop!" she said and leaned forward to give me a hug just before they came through the door. Her eyes lit up like diamonds.

"Oh my God!" she cried when the group members walked in the room. She couldn't hold back the tears. The group smiled, and walked over. They each gave her a kiss on the cheek and introduced themselves. The camera guy was all over it. I saw a smile on Tiffany's face that I hadn't seen the entire time she was in the hospital. It was the look I was hoping to get from her. Lucky then began to sing to her. It was beautiful. I had told Harry what song off the album was Tiffany's favorite, and he arranged it for Lucky to sing. She was mesmerized. This was to be the moment for a new start to her life. I was so happy. When Lucky finished singing, and Stan finished his questions to her—I wanted to make certain Tiffany met the men who made it all possible.

Harry waited in the hall with the rest of the hospital staff until some of the excitement in the room was over.

"Tiffany, I want to introduce you to the remarkable gentlemen who arranged this for you today." I walked out to the hall to get Harry. Robert and Serena had just stepped off the elevator and were walking down the corridor.

"Come and let me introduce you to my favorite patient, and my new best friend," I said to Harry. "I want her to meet the people who helped put this wonderful thing together. I grabbed Harry by the arm and started to walk with him inside the room.

"Hold up," he then said and stopped. "Let's wait for Rob."

By this time, everyone had left the room except for Lucky who was giving an autograph to one of the nurses, and Stan who had walked back over to Tiffany to wish her the best on her recovery.

When Robert approached, he leaned forward and shook Harry's hand.

"How is everything going so far?" he asked.

"Just as we hoped," Harry answered. "Kandie is about to take us inside and introduce us to the young lady Lucky serenaded.

"Good to see you again, Kandie," Robert said gentlemanly.

"Hi Kandie," Serena greeted.

"Good to see you both," I responded. "Come let me introduce you to Tiffany—who is anxious to thank you."

When the four of us entered the room—it was as if Tiffany had seen a ghost. I walked forward and stood by her bed.

"Tiffany. I want to introduce you to----."

"Robert." Tiffany then said in a soft whisper.

##  Robert

What were the chances of this being my Tiffany? It felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach when I saw her. I stood speechless. I was holding Serena's hand when I entered the room, but as soon as I saw Tiffany laying there, my hand dropped. I couldn't move. So many questions had finally been answered. I could feel Serena stepping slowly away.

"Oh! Hell," Harry whispered.

Kandie looked at me, and looked at Tiffany. It then made sense for her.

"This was your fiancé?" Kandie asked. Tiffany nodded to her to say yes. The room became silent, and it seemed as if I stood alone in the room. There my baby lay, and having to deal with the cancer without me. I didn't know if I should be angry, overjoyed, or even sad.

"Tiffany," I said and walked to the bed. She began to cry. I stretched my hands to her, and she fell into my arms. "Sweetie," I said. "Sweetie. Why didn't you tell me?"

I cuddled her in my arms, and began rubbing her back.

"I couldn't put you through it," she answered. It seemed as if everyone in the room was watching us. I was so caught into emotions that I had forgotten Serena was standing behind me. I turned and looked at her. I saw the sadness in her eyes. I didn't know what to do. Lucky then walked over and stood next to Serena.

"Serena," I called, but she walked out of the room. Lucky chased after her. Kandie then went into doctor mode and requested everyone to leave. It was like a scene out of a movie. However, I couldn't move. Tiffany still had her arms wrapped tightly around me, and I didn't want to let her go.

"Harry," I then asked. "Can you go and check on Serena for me?" Stan being the reporter began to ask questions about who was Tiffany to me. However, Kandie wouldn't allow his inquisitiveness to take root. She grabbed him by the hand and escorted him out of the room. Tiffany and I were the only people left in the room. I had so many questions. I pulled away from her and wiped the tears from my face.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"In and out about four months."

"I should have been here with you, Tiff. I would have wanted to be here with you."

"I love you too much Robert to have allowed you to go through something like this again. I didn't know what my chances to live were. I couldn't handle watching you see me die in front of you."

"Oh, baby," I said. "I was to be your husband. It would have been my duty to stand with you. Oh God." I covered my eyes in hurt. "How long have you been sick?"

"I was diagnosed nine months ago."

Every time she answered my questions it felt as if I was about to vomit. The disgust of me not being there for her in her time of need made me sick. I was angry with myself. I stood from the bed and walked to the window. I needed to grab my composure.

"What are the doctors saying now?" I asked and walked back to the bed to sit.

"Dr. Kandie is letting me go home tomorrow. So far, since the bone marrow transplant—the recovery is going well. But I have to do a checkup every week for the next couple of months."

"Where are you staying, and who's helping you?"

"I have an apartment by the art museum, and Kandie has arranged for me to have a private nurse."

"No," I demanded. "I'll make arrangements for you to come home. I'm going to take care of you." Tiffany looked at me, smiled, and shook her head.

"Robert. You can't," she replied, and began to cry. "I saw how you walked in the room with that other women. Your life is different now."

She was right. I couldn't dismiss Serena that easily. I had fallen in love with her. My life had become complicated. However, I loved Tiffany, and it hurt me to not know why she left. Our life was perfect together. The only reason she walked away was to spare my suffering. I wasn't going to allow her to walk out of my life again. Sure, things had changed, and my feelings for Serena were growing stronger every day. But the truth was that Tiffany and I had made plans to be with one another for the rest of our lives. I still wanted her. I simply had to find a way to tell Serena without totally breaking her heart.

Harry walked back in the room.

"Rob," he called. "Serena left. I couldn't stop her. I'm sorry."

##  Serena

As I walked down the middle of Broad Street, I cried like a young girl who had just experienced love, and fell into a well of heartache. My feelings were destroyed. The weeks I had spent with Robert would have never led me to believe that I could be dismissed so easily. I tried catching my breath as the sound of a siren from a fire trucked whisked passed.

"How could this have happen?" I asked myself as I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Get it together girl. It isn't the end of the world. You should have known better." I chanted like a mad woman who had just stepped out of a mental ward. During my emotional outburst, I hadn't notice the little old man standing next to me—and listening to every word I uttered. We looked at each other with polite hellos, but I quickly moved away while trying hard to chase the hurt off me.

When I first ran out of Tiffany's hospital room, Lucky dashed down the corridor and tried to talk with me just before I pushed the button for the elevator. I couldn't talk with him. There was nothing he could do for me. Besides, the sight of his face fueled my contempt for men.

"Just leave me alone, Lucky!" I screamed as the elevator doors closed. He stood with a hurt in his eyes. I didn't care. I needed to deal with my own pain. Just when I thought I had met a man perfect for me—it all changed in the blink of an eye. Robert acted as if I didn't matter when he saw Tiffany. I understood it. He loved her. From the very first date I knew the feelings he had in his heart for her. I had hoped she changed her feelings for him, and left him for someone who could love his heart, as he needed. I thought I was that woman. That wasn't the case at all. She loved him so much—that she was willing to walk out of his life before allowing him to suffer during her sickness. It was no way I could compete with her. They had too much history. The best that I could do was to hold my head high, and walk away. The look that came in his eyes when he saw her was too much for me to handle. It was as if he had found a lost treasure.

I couldn't stop crying. "Why is it that whenever I open my heart to fall in love—it gets broken?" I repeatedly asked. There were no answers. I concluded that love didn't have anyone for me. Then something happened in me that I couldn't explain. "If you love that man, why are you running away?" I asked. I wiped my eyes, took a deep breath, and found myself turning around and marching back towards the hospital. If Robert was going to choose between Tiffany and me, he would have to make the choice. I refused to walk away without him making the decision. Trios had just started to sing as I walked through the lobby doors. The corridor was crowded. However, I kept my focus. I glanced towards Lucky because I could feel his eyes on me. If it weren't for the fact that he was in the middle of singing, I believe he would have jumped from the stage to stop me. Just when the elevator doors opened and I was about to step inside, Robert and Harry were exiting the elevator. "Serena," Robert said in a surprise. "Harry told me you left."

"I did." Robert was speechless, and lost for words. If he wasn't going to say anything neither would I. I stood there, and waited on him to make the next move.

"Can we walk over there and talk?" he asked as he pointed towards a corner of the lobby.

Harry said nothing. Like an intelligent man—he stepped away and allowed us to be with ourselves.

"Yes. We can talk," I replied.

"I owe you an apology, Serena," he stated as we walked towards the edge of the lobby. "All of this caught me off guard. I hope you understand that."

"You dismissed me Robert. When you saw Tiffany, you acted as if I was nothing. That hurt me."

"No Serena. That wasn't my intention. It's just that----. I mean. Can you imagine having so many questions about what is uncertain in your life to be answered in a matter of a moment? You have to believe that I would never do anything to deliberately cause you hurt. When I saw Tiffany lying there—it stunned me."

"No Robert. It did more than stun you. It was like you—"

"I know," he responded without allowing me to finish, and reached out to grab my hand.

"No! Let me finish," I answered and pulled my hand away. There were so many things I wanted to say, but the hurt in me was so heavy I couldn't let it out. I just walked away.

"Serena. Please don't walk away. Let me talk to you."

"This was a mistake for me to come back, Robert. This was a mistake."

I couldn't do it. I couldn't say what I wanted. As much as I had the desire to let him know that he treated me badly. I didn't. I just left. As I walked out of the door, Robert stood and watched with anguish in his eyes. He was torn. Whether he knew it or not—his heart was hurting for both Tiffany and me. I prayed that he would chase after me. I hoped that he would decide that I was his choice. However, he didn't. He stood in the corner of the lobby, and looked afraid.

##  Harry

The sweet smell of Kandie's perfume brushed against my nostrils. I knew she couldn't be but so far away. Trios was singing their last song when Kandie approached. It appeared as though everyone who was listening to the music enjoyed the sound. I was extremely pleased. This promotion was my brainchild, and to see it develop into full fruition was rewarding. Kandie stood next to me and grabbed my hand. I watched Robert as his eyes were focused on every step Serena made as she exited the hospital. He was caught between two women that he loved.

"It's been quite a wild day. Hasn't it?" Kandie asked as she moved closer and brushed her shoulder against me.

"Like a soap opera," I responded. "How is Tiffany?"

"Quite alright, actually. She's a little taken in by it all—but in good spirits."

"Wow! Who would have ever thought that your patient would end up being Rob's ex-fiancée?

"How's he doing, Harry?" Kandie pointed towards Rob. "Should you go over and talk with him?"

"Nah," I answered knowing that Rob prided himself on being private. "Give him a moment. He'll be okay."

Just as I said it, Rob walked to where we stood. One of the things I admired most about Rob was that he never really allowed anything to stop him from being focused on what was important.

"Are you cool?" I asked. Kandie stood silent. She didn't know whether she should hug Rob or walk away. She stood next to me, and said nothing. Trios then came to the end of their performance. The crowd went wild with applause. As the rest of the group went out to greet the fans, Lucky walked from the center of the crowd and over to where we stood. I didn't know what to expect. Kandie was unaware of how deep the love triangle was with Lucky, Serena, Tiffany, and Rob. She stood there all giddy eyes as Lucky walked closer to us.

"Thank you so much," she said and seeming as if she was throwing herself into Lucky's path as if she had a teenage crush. However, Lucky didn't respond at all. His focus was on Robert. I tried to intervene. Kandie stood motionless and curious to what was taking place.

"Lucky. This was good," I responded fast while reaching out my hand to shake his. "Focus Three Records will be happy to hear when I report that your first promotional benefit was a success."

I was hoping that the subtle clues I was dropping to keep him cool would at least push him off course to have conversation with me. However, he was heated. The only person he wanted to talk with was Robert. Robert didn't budge. He stood tall and firm as if he was a soldier on duty. His eyes targeted on Lucky as if he was aiming for a kill.

He then stated in a very strong and stern voice, "Lucky. Now is not the time." Rob nodded his head side to side as he spoke. The tension was tight. Lucky stopped in his tracks. Rob's voice was so full with base, that it caused me to stand still. I had even heard Kandie take a deep breath as if her air had been taken from her.

"You're right," Lucky responded. "But now that you know that I know," he shook his head in a devious nature. "We have to make some decisions."

"Understood," Rob replied and stepped closer to Lucky. "However, right now, this is business and not about a woman. Can you handle that?"

"I can handle it," Lucky responded.

"Congratulations on your performance today," Robert then said and gestured a truths with a handshake.

Watching the two of them reminded me of a western dual. It was a moment amongst men. The stage was set for a fight. It had all the elements for a classic tale. Lucky leaned forward and grabbed Rob's hand. He moved closer to Robert's right ear and whispered. I couldn't hear what he said, but by the look on Rob's face—the challenge had begun. Lucky then stepped backwards and turned towards Kandie and me.

"Doc," he said. "Just as the last time we met. Thank you for your support, and for allowing Trios to be blessed by coming out to make a difference today." Lucky didn't say anything more. I couldn't put my finger on it—but it appeared to me that he was stacking his chips, and putting together the ultimate plan for battle. He reached for Kandie's hand, and when she placed it before him—he bent his head forward, gave it a kiss, and then strutted away. Rob and I looked at each other. Together we shook our heads as to say, "Representing this group is going to become more than we had bargained."

##  Serena

The cab ride home provided me with time to think. I was still hurting, but there was nothing I could do to change the situation. I would be a foolish woman to chase after a man who was chasing after another woman. If Robert wanted to be with me—he knew how to contact me. I had made up my mind not to ever again allow any man to have me strung out and feeling as if I needed his attention to validate my life. If being with Terrence and facing all the drama taught me anything—I understood that love is more than words that tickle the heart. It is the desire to put someone else's feelings and needs before your own. I suppose that is what I respected about Tiffany. She knew what it meant to let go of love even when it hurt her to do so. It was now Robert's turn to make the decision, and neither Tiffany nor I could do it for him.

By the time I arrived home, Raven was ready to be picked up from the bus stop and Terrence from the day-care. I had taken the day off just to be with Robert. We knew it was going to be awkward being together and supporting Lucky—while knowing the feelings Lucky had for me. But Robert and I agreed that we couldn't live in the shadows of our relationship just because it would be uncomfortable for Lucky. We had shared too many special moments together to allow Lucky to destroy the small beginning we had established. When we were with each other—it felt right. We connected. We were friends. However, had I been fully warned that Tiffany would suddenly come into our relationship—I would have thought twice before agreeing to go to the hospital. The more I walked down the block to meet Raven—the more I began to think about Tiffany. I couldn't fully understand my motives. However, it was something in the look in her eyes when she saw Robert that kept me curious. As much as it was a surprise for all of us—there was a look of concern when she saw us walk in the room together. It appeared to me that she could see what he and I had shared over the past couple of months. Call it insane, but she seemed to be happy that he learned to move forward without her. I couldn't put my finger on it—but the look in her eyes allowed me to get a sneak peek into her character. It all seemed so strange. It was very strange.

Raven was full of energy when I arrived at the bus stop. She greeted me with a smile that felt like sunshine. Just to see my daughter somehow gave peace to a chaotic day.

"Mommy! Mommy! Can I do this?" she shouted with excitement as she ran to me with a green sheet of paper in her hand. "I want to do this Mommy," she demanded.

"What is it Raven?" I asked and eager to know what had her smiling and grinning from ear to ear. I grabbed the letter out of her hand, and she stood there attentive as I read it.

"Dear Parents,

On May 3rd we will be hosting our annual king and queen talent pageant. We are encouraging any student who would like to participate to get permission from their parents. Any student that would like to get involved will need a signed permission slip from their parent, along with a brief detail of their expected talents. In addition, we are asking any parent who would like to assist in this year's preparation for the pageant to please call Ms. Booker, the PTA captain. Ms. Booker can be reached through our school voice mail system. Thank you for your support of this year pageant.

Sincerely, Ms. Andrews, School Principal."

Raven's eyes were glued tight to me as I read the letter. My baby was growing up right before my eyes.

"Can I Mommy? Can I?"

"Of course you can sweetie. Let's talk about it when we get home."

Although Raven was now ten years old and growing fast every day—she still enjoyed holding my hand whenever we walked together. Through the years, Raven had become a piece of tranquility for me. Whenever I would find myself in a slump and ready to throw in the towel because loneliness would have me questioning my worth—I would think of her and the thought of her strength would build me.

"Raven," I said as she and I swung our hands forward as we walked. "You know how much Mommy loves you—right."

She looked at me with curious eyes and almost as if she knew I had gone through something for the day.

"Yes Mommy. I know," she responded and smiled. It was what I needed.

Later that evening as I stood in the kitchen washing dishes from dinner, Raven kept an eye on Terrence in the living room. I had hoped that Robert would have called, but he didn't. When eight-thirty arrived and I didn't hear from Robert, I gave up on the idea. The tears began to form—but I could not allow the pain to take root in me.

"You can handle this Serena," I chanted for confidence. "This too will pass." There was no way I was going to allow my children to see me—unnerved and unsure.

Then there was a knock on the door. The banging was so loud that it startled the kids and me. Raven hopped from the floor and ran to the kitchen. Terrence paddled behind her and repeated every word she spoke.

"Mommy, somebody is at the door," she shouted.

"I know Raven. I heard it."

I grabbed my composure. While taking a deep breath, I pulled my hands out of the sink full with water and wiped them dry with a paper towel.

"It's Robert," I thought. Suddenly a smile as big as the moon sprung on my face. "I'm his choice," I whispered. This was an awkward moment for me. Robert had never met the children before, and for him to come this time of evening told me that—he cared. Without even asking who is at the door—I confidently opened it.

"Robert," I said knowing it was him. However, much to my surprise there stood two men I had never seen.

"Good evening, Ma'am." The man standing in the front spoke. He had dark skin with a neatly groomed beard. His voice was stern and strong.

"Yes," I said while pushing Raven behind me. Her eyes were as wide as an owl and curious to know who was at the door. "How can I help you?" I asked.

"Are you Serena Johnson?" The man standing in the rear asked. I refused to answer. With ease, I began to close the door. There was no way I was going to tell them who I was. If they didn't know—then I wouldn't be the person to say. However, just as I was about to fully shut the door, the man standing in the front pulled out a sheriff badge.

"I'm sorry Miss. We didn't mean to startle you. I'm with the sheriff department, and this is attorney Russell Carlson. Are you Ms. Johnson?"

"How can I help you?" I asked again, and still not telling them my name. My father had always taught me to be on the lookout for anything strange. I had seen on the news far too many times people disguising themselves to do home invasions, or some other terrible act. I wasn't going to take the chance. The sheriff saw the resistance in my eyes. I wasn't budging, and neither was he. If I was going to say who I am—then they would have to do more explaining.

"Raven," I demanded. "Take your brother and go to your room."

"But Mommy."

"Raven, do what I said," I said again in a more stern voice. Once she left the room with her brother, I stepped outside the door, and locked it from within. If anything were going to happen—then my children would be safe. Throughout the years I had taught Raven plans for keeping she and her brother safe just in case big Terrence tried to come back to harm us. There was never a need to follow through with any of the plans, but I had hoped when I stepped out of the door, that Raven was now watching the clock. If ten minutes passed and I didn't knock on the door—she would be ready to call for help.

"I'm Serena Johnson," I answered.

"Ms. Johnson, again my name is Russell Carlson. I represent Mr. Terrence Anderson. He asked that this be hand delivered to you, and that I watch for you to sign for it."

"Excuse me?" I said and not fully understanding it all. "You represent who?"

My eyes squinted. My nerves bubbled. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I took one step backwards, and leaned against the door. Truthfully, I was afraid.

"It's okay Ms. Johnson." The sheriff assured me. Russell Carlson then pulled out of a small briefcase he had sitting on the floor a yellow envelope, along with a note for me to sign. Hesitantly, I took the envelope from his hands and signed for it. Once I signed—they both turned and walked away.

"Have a good day, Ma'am," the sheriff said as he turned to walk away.

I had to catch my breath. My worse feared had returned. Three times, I knocked on the door. It was the signal that everything was okay.

"Is everything alright, Mommy?" Raven asked as I walked to take a seat on the sofa and in a daze.

"Mommy," she said once more. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes baby," I answered and stretched my arms out to hug her. "Raven, go in and get your little brother's pajamas on him for me. I'll be in there in a few minutes to tuck you in and kiss both of you good night."

I opened the envelope as soon as Raven walked out of the room. Enclosed was a check for twenty-five thousand dollars with a letter.

"Dear Serena, if you are reading this letter then it means that Russell successfully found you. Praise God. I know that you may be curious to why I'm getting in touch with you after such a long period of time. Prayerfully this letter will answer many of your questions, and concerns. Please do not misconstrue my reasoning for the check. By no means am I suggesting purchasing a relationship in your life. However, I've had Russell to do some investigating of fees due to you from my lack of responsibility in our son's life. Suggested by the court and the Pennsylvania Child Support System, the check enclosed is a suitable amount from my absenteeism as a father. Although, there are no words that fully expresses my apologies for the suffering and pain that I caused to both you and Raven during our time together, I am asking for an open heart of forgiveness from the both of you. I pray that all is going well in your life, and that you are full with joy and comfort. Many nights I've kneeled before God, and asked that He cover you by the blood of my Savior Jesus. I know you may be wondering to what reason I am re-introducing myself into your life. Well, in truth, I've come to understand that in order for me to move forward in the places God is calling me—then it is necessary that I ask for forgiveness from you for the detriment and sin I placed in your life. There have been so many things that have transpired in my life since the last time I saw you in Philadelphia. Some good, some bad, but most of all, I am not the man you remember. It has been through the grace and mercy of God that I've been afforded a new opportunity to live life through the purpose and potential God expects of me. Through great hope and prayer, I would ask that this moment become a time of healing for both you and I. You have always been a wonderful woman. However, I realize it was in my time of sickness that I didn't fully understand how wonderful of a gift you were to me. Thank you for the moment to extend a portion of what I owe, and I pray that you find in your heart forgiveness for me. May God continue to keep you safe, and that you walk forward in full life.

God Bless

Evangelist, Terrence Anderson"

I was surprised by Terrence's letter. I didn't know what to think. I leaned against the sofa, tossed the check on the coffee table, and stared in a daze.

##  Robert

It wasn't until Serena walked out of the doors of the hospital that I realized I was caught in a triangle. She wasn't someone I could easily dismiss. I called out her name three times hoping that she would turn back and come talk with me. However, she didn't, and it felt like someone stabbed a hole in my chest. I couldn't blame her. The day had suddenly become a loss. Lucky and I were now at odds. I clearly understood his position. When he stepped to me, and didn't care what Harry or Kandie thought—I realized that he was a man on the edge. What more could go wrong? I thought.

I then called Tonya to let her know how the morning had gone with the benefit. She had asked that Harry and I give her a progress report soon after Trios finished performing. However, when talking with her she could sense the tension in my voice.

"Is everything okay there, Robert?" she asked in no less than an authoritative voice, and commanding me to spill my issues. Twenty-minutes we talked while I explained to her everything that took place that morning. When I finished telling it all—she demanded that I put Harry on the phone. He was saying his good byes to Kandie who needed to finish her hospital rounds for the day. I handed the phone over to Harry, and ran over to have a brief conversation with Kandie before she got away from us.

"Kandie. Can I talk with you before you go?"

"Sure Robert. What would you like to talk about?"

"I know you can't tell me much about Tiffany because of the doctor and patient confidentiality thing, but how is she really?" Kandie looked at me and smiled. She grabbed my hand and kissed my cheek.

"Robert," she then said in a soft tone. "Tiffany's medical recovery is going far better than we hoped. However, I do believe the only reason she has recovered so well is because she knew there was someone to love her. Go be with her Robert. She needs you."

Kandie walked away without saying anything else. Harry waved for me to come over.

"Well my good friend," he said as I approached. "The boss has spoken and said for you to not return to the office. She has also given me the commission to wine and dine you for the day, and to not take no for an answer. So what do we do for the remainder of the day?"

Tonya understood what it meant to take care of her employees. She had great intentions, but I wasn't in the mood to do anything. I convinced Harry to allow me to spend more time with Tiffany before he and I would hang out. We decided that we would meet at five o'clock to go out and grab something to eat. I wasn't a drinker, but Harry had it in his mind for us to go over to Mik's pub to hang out and to watch the Sixers play on wide screen.

Tiffany and I talked for hours. She explained her reasoning for walking out on me, and honestly believed it was the best decision for us. I admired her for trying to protect me, but I couldn't help but feel angry because she should have given me the choice to decide what I wanted. By the time we finished our conversation, it was quarter of five and time for me to meet up with Harry. However, before we concluded our conversation, I explained to Tiffany the feelings I had developed for Serena. She listened, and then expressed how much she loved me.

"Nonetheless," she then said while holding my hand. "It was my choice to leave and I knew the risk that was involved when I left. I knew it wouldn't take long, Robert—before a woman saw in you all the things that I do."

She smiled and I saw that she was trying to be strong. "I love you Robert. God knows that I do. However the consequences of my choices are what they are."

She then turned towards the window so that I couldn't see her cry. I had no answers for her. I simply sat there with my hand on her shoulder and wished that time could be reversed and none of this ever happened. I took a deep breath, and then said to her, "Listen. I'm going to be the person to take care of you during your recovery."

"No," she responded. "It wouldn't be fair to your friend. Besides, I couldn't handle that you're with me, and your feelings are some other place. During my healing I need as much peace as I can, and I don't think I'll be able to do that."

I begged her to come and stay with me so that I could help with all her needs. She continually disagreed, but when it finally came to the end of our discussion, we both decided that her staying at her place and allowing the private nurse to be with her was the best decision. I didn't want to let her out of my life. I still loved her. I wanted to try and pick up from where we stopped. Kandie then entered the room as I was about to leave. She stood at the door and waited on me to say my good byes.

"I love you Tiff. I've never stopped," I said as I leaned forward to kiss Tiffany on the forehead.

"I know," she responded. "But, this is the best way for us. This is the best way."

##  Harry

I couldn't believe the boss had given us the remainder of the day off. It blew my mind. Becoming Vice President had its perks, and something I could learn to appreciate. When Rob told me he wanted to hang out at the hospital for a few more hours, it was the best choice that he could make for the both of us. He would have the opportunity to talk with his girl, and I would have the chance to browse up and down Walnut Street in search of some new suits. Last week I had gone into Morrison's and saw a sharp pair of Gators that had my name written all on them. I would have purchased them back then—but Kandie didn't want to wait around in the shoe store as I emptied nearly every shoe from the rack. Kandie said watching me shop was worse than being with one of her girlfriends. With four suits in tow and three pair of shoes—I strutted down Walnut Street with my visa tapped to the max. It was a good thing that I had gotten the promotion with a new salary increase because I didn't know how I was going to cover my mortgage and car lease. If it came down to me looking good, and having to convince my creditors that a check was in the mail—then looking sharp would win the battle every time.

I had a very productive shopping day. Sure, I had concerns for Rob, but the only thing I could do was offer him a cold drink, a stern shoulder, and perhaps a good meal. When it came down to giving advice, he was much better at it than me. In the past, I was the one that had the drama with women, and he would be the person I could count on to steer me in the right direction. Besides, he was the one with two sisters and had the inside track on what women wanted.

The time had gotten pass me as I shopped. It was now four-fifteen and I would be late meeting up with Rob at the hospital. I tried to reach him on his the cell phone, but whenever I dialed the number, it went straight to voice mail. Finally, I had to call Kandie and ask her to go to Tiffany's room to let Rob know I was off schedule. It was now four forty-five when he returned my call, and I was dashing in and out of traffic on Broad Street.

"Harry," he said. "Why don't you just meet me at my place around six-thirty? That way you don't have to rush and meet me at the hospital."

"Good suggestion," I answered almost angry because I was now looking at Five O pulling up to the rear of my car and flashing their lights. "Thanks a lot Rob," I responded. "You know just when to make the right decisions. I have to hang up. I just got stopped for speeding. I'll see you at your spot. I'm out."

I couldn't believe it. It hadn't been a month yet with my new car, and I was getting a ticket.

##  Lucky

As soon as Robert left Tiffany's room, I walked from around the corner and entered. She looked exhausted. However, I needed to know what the relationship was between the two of them. Dr. Kandie was sitting at the edge of the bed when I entered. She was as shocked to see me, as I was to her. How she got into the room without me noticing—I couldn't understand. I walked through the hospital for nearly two hours waiting on Robert to leave Tiffany's room.

Faced with an awkward moment, I needed to come up with an excuse quickly to why I was visiting with Tiffany.

"Lucky," Kandie said as she turned to face me. "What brings you back here?" Tiffany sat straight in the bed. I didn't know if Robert had told her about my relationship with Serena or not.

"I wanted to come and say thank you to Tiffany," I answered. "She reminds me so much of my close friend, and I wanted to check in on her. I hope I'm not imposing." I gestured with a smile.

"No. Not at all," Tiffany replied. "It isn't every day that I get a celebrity to check up on me."

Kandie looked at me with curious eyes. It seemed that she knew there was a scheme up my sleeve. However, she wasn't totally convinced that my being there was unsympathetic to Tiffany's condition. Especially after I told them that one of my best friend battled with breast cancer, and is a cancer survivor. Once I finished telling them the entire story of my friend's ordeal—they were like putty in my hands.

"So you ladies are true fans, huh?" I asked. "You really dig the music?"

"Absolutely," Kandie answered. "I've loved your music even before I moved to the states."

"What about you Tiffany?" I asked.

"Doc Kandie introduced me. I'm a new found fan."

"Well ladies it is my pleasure to have your support. As a group, we understand that everything we're accomplishing right now could not be possible without the support from people like you that love music. By the way, I'd like to share something with you before I leave. It's the lyrics to a new song we're recording. I'd love to get your opinion."

"That is quite an honor," Kandie responded with excitement. I stood from the chair I was sitting and walked to the rear of Tiffany's bed and began to recite the lines.

"Beautiful brown eyes I am mesmerized by your beauty.

How can I resist spending the rest of my life with you?

Can you not feel that your love heals me like an exotic herb?

You are the center of my joy—the reason I exist on this earth.

Every moment we share provides a sense of love.

Let us hold the reigns of life together—and provide one another with joy.

Beautiful brown eyes you rescue me from dreary days.

Whenever I am with you—your love takes the hurt away.

There is peace that pours from within you—that is as sensuous as a Robin's song

I am so blessed that we're together—and our love will last forever.

You are the river that pours hope in me

The ray of life that offers me peace

You are the magic dust from a fairy's wand

The reason to why I live

Beautiful brown eyes I will never stop loving you

Place your hand in the pit of my soul—for my love for you is true."

"That is beautiful," Kandie responded as I took a bow when I finished.

"Thank you. Hopefully we will release it on our next CD. Tiffany, I will keep you in my prayers. If you ever need anything—just reach out to me." I then walked closer to the bed and shook their hands. It wasn't the conversation I had planned, but I knew when I finished I had them exactly where I needed them.

##  Robert

Hanging out with Harry was what I needed. He helped put fun in a day that seemed to have been spiraling out of control. Within hours, I felt like I was losing my battle with love. If there was no other day that would have me drinking—then this was the day. Harry convinced me to get my usual Ginger Ale even after I ordered a beer for the two of us. Somehow, I had managed to push Serena away, keep Tiffany out of my life, and get threatened by Lucky. Tonya was right. I needed to unwind.

Harry and I laughed for hours. He assured me that everything would be okay. It appeared the more beers he poured down his throat—the better he became in giving me advice.

"Rob," he said. "You don't have anything to worry about bruh. It all will work out. Let me tell you what I know. When the time comes to see if you're supposed to be with Serena or Tiffany—time will tell you. See, the way I understand it—is that all of this has happened because it was supposed to happen. This is God's funny way of seeing how you will handle it. You know what I mean." I shook my head and began to laugh at him. He placed his hands on my shoulder while leaning closer to me. It was at that moment that I realized it was time to take him home.

"Rob, Rob, Rob," Harry commented again. "You know I'm not one of those deep and highly religious brothers. You know that about me. However, I do believe that God sometimes just allows stuff to happen. Hear me out now. I mean. You got you, Tiffany, Serena, and crazy boy who is now our client, Lucky. Now the four of you are going to end up at a boiling point. Because you know that it is going to happen—you should then start planning a strategy to diffuse the thing. You know what I mean."

Little did Harry know that he was making sense. In actuality, the cards were in my hand. I controlled all the choices. That's what Serena and Tiffany said. I knew exactly what to do. I knew exactly how to handle it.

"Alright Harry. Don't forget that tomorrow is a work day. We have a lot to do. Let's get out of here. I tossed the bartender some cash for our drinks and meal. Even though Harry wasn't bent over intoxicated, I still knew better, and did not allow him to drive.

"Give me your keys, man. I'm driving." Harry handed me his keys. I helped him to the car, and made certain he was strapped in safe.

"Handle my baby good, Robert," he then said. I looked at him and laugh.

"Don't worry. I got this." The car felt comfortable. I could see why Harry had fallen in love with it.

"Rob," Harry then asked with his head leaning against the window, and looking miserable. "Can you stop at one of those little convenient stores on Spring Garden before we get to your place? I need something to settle my stomach. The wings aren't agreeing with me."

"It wasn't those wings," I responded. "I told you not to mix that beer with that wine. That's what has your stomach ripped apart. Yeah sure. We can stop."

We pulled into the convenient store parking lot directly in front of the door. I parked between a white BMW and a Blue Acura Legend which seemed to have had an entire concert coming from inside. "Do you want something?" Harry asked.

"I'm going to come in with you," I responded. "I'm going to get me something to snack on for later tonight."

When Harry opened the door—he accidentally hit the Acura parked next to us. He was in such a hurry to get in the store, that he hadn't realized what he had done until this young guy stepped out of the car screaming.

"Watch what you doing old head," he yelled and cursed.

"My fault Bruh. I'm sorry," Harry answered and not fully realizing why the guy was yelling.

"That's right you are sorry. You put a scratch on my door. I just got my car painted," the guy yelled from the top of his voice.

"Hold up!" Harry yelled in defense. "I said I apologize!"

The guy looked at Harry and then started yelling again. "And I said your apology ain't worth nothing." He then took off his glasses and started pointing at his car door while screaming and cursing.

"Look bruh," Harry said again and stepped closer to the guy. I'll pay for the damage, but I'm not going to take much more of you cursing at me."

Harry was getting angrier. This was the first time I had ever seen him so fueled. I didn't know if it was the drinks talking or if his stomach was so upset that he didn't feel like the arguing. I saw that the argument wasn't heading anywhere but trouble, so I stepped between the both of them.

"Fellas this isn't worth it. Why don't you just get each other's insurance information, and leave it at that."

However, I saw that the young man wasn't having it. He really didn't care about the insurance or anything else. Just when I thought I was getting the situation under control, another guy that was riding in the car walked out of the store.

"Who you suppose to be? Nobody asked for your input," the guy then screamed at me. It was in that statement that I realized that Harry and I was not dealing with a rational person. He didn't want to resolve the situation. He wanted to prove that he was in charge. I grabbed Harry, and we began to walk in the store. Right before we entered, the guy started screaming all kinds of profanities. Harry became even more heated. He walked from the store entrance back towards the car.

"Let it go Harry," I yelled. "Let it go." My efforts to stop Harry were no good. "Young boy. You not a man. I was gone pay for the damage. But you trying to show how much a man you are. I ain't paying for nothing. I was being a man about it at first, but you act like you don't know how to be a man. Now what you gone do?"

Harry stared the guy down. His friend stood and watched with anticipation. I could tell that he didn't want any trouble, but the driver thought otherwise.

"That's what I thought," Harry said and walked away. "Man let me go in the store and get my Rolaids. This young boy done made my stomach feel worse."

Harry and I walked inside the store. I wanted to talk to the guy, but I knew it wasn't the right moment. Harry made him look small in the eyes of his friend. As Harry and I entered the store, I turned to make certain that the guy wasn't going to try and punch Harry while Harry wasn't looking. The guy and his friend stood and talked for about two minutes and climbed in their car. After getting my cookies, I walked over to Harry. He was still angry.

"Don't let that young boy get you like that Harry." I tried to calm him.

"Forget that young boy?" Harry responded as he opened the Rolaids without paying.

"It's young boys like that—that make me angry. Here you have you and I, and people like Kandie and Tonya trying our best to do right so that they could have it easier. But this is how they treat us. They don't give us any respect. What is he about twenty or twenty-one? Man, he must be crazy if he think I'm gone let him disrespect me like that. I worked too hard for my manhood. Ain't no way, Rob. It ain't no way. Then, what really makes me angry is that he actually thinks the way he is acting is the way to respect. What I'm I suppose to do Rob. You tell me."

Harry looked at me for answers. I didn't want to say anything. I thought both of them were acting childish—but I understood. Harry should have walked away from the beginning. I knew the young guy edged it on—but before it escalated to where it was—Harry should have been the more mature person. We walked to the counter and paid for our things. The guy was still outside parked.

"Look Rob," Harry said as he reached for his change from the cashier." I'm going to go out here and try to be a man about this one more time, and tell this boy I'll pay for what I did. But if he get smart—I'm just going to walk off."

"Would you like for me to call the police?" The cashier asked. The entire time Harry spoke, she listened. Calling the police wasn't a bad idea. Things were pretty out of hand, and even if Harry was being level headed, the other guy probably wasn't.

"No we can handle this," Harry answered. She looked to me for my approval. I nodded my head to agree with Harry.

Harry walked out of the store first. I followed behind. The guy then hopped out of the car with a gun in his hand. My eyes opened wide. Harry and I both stood frozen. Even before he shot the gun, I envisioned a bullet going through my chest.

"You gone pay. Punk!" he yelled. Within a half of a second, I could see his finger slide on the trigger. Four shots were fired. Quickly, I pushed Harry to the ground. It all happened so fast. Two bullets shattered the store's front glass. The adrenalin in me was pumping fast. Just as it happened, another car pulled on the scene totally unaware of what was happening. The two guys in the blue Acura then hopped in their car. I lay on top of Harry. I could hear one of the guys yelling, "Let's go Man! Go!" They skidded and backed out of the parking lot into the street and almost hitting another car.

"Are you alright, Harry?" I yelled. He looked up at me, and then I noticed the blood pouring on his shirt, and that is when everything went dark.

##  Harry

I couldn't believe it. Rob was shot.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled looking up at him lying on top of me, and reaching for help. "Somebody call an ambulance!" I shouted. "Call the ambulance!" The man who had just driven up, jumped out of his car once he realized what was taking place. He ran in the store, and ran back outside as fast as he ran inside.

"Help! Help!" he yelled. "The cashier has been shot." She was on the floor behind the counter.

"Hurry up and call an ambulance!" I cursed and screamed again. Blood was coming from Rob's mouth and left side of his upper body like an old leaky faucet. As cold as it was—I removed my shirt while leaving on my tee shirt and I tried plugging the bullet holes to try and stop the bleeding.

"It's going to be okay Rob. Just hold on. Just hold on." I was watching my friend die. I reached out and held his hand.

"Just hold on Rob. Just hold on," I repeated while trying to stop the flow of the blood. Where is the damn ambulance?" I yelled louder, and getting even angrier that no one had arrived yet. I didn't even know if anyone had even made the call.

Seven police cars then pulled up almost three seconds after the other. A policeman ran over to where I was. He shouted to his partner.

"Get an ambulance! One is down over here!" It seemed like in a matter of seconds the street was full with police cars and ambulances. The scene was hectic. "What's his name?" the officer asked me while he looked down at Rob.

"Robert Miller," I answered while trying to stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes.

"It will be okay Robert," he said. "The paramedics are right here." Three of the paramedics rushed over to where we were. They began to work on Robert.

"Step back sir," one of them shouted as I continued to hold Rob's hand.

For whatever the reason—I couldn't let go.

"Step back sir!" he shouted again. "If you want us to save his life—you have to move, Sir!"

The man who had called the police and ambulance also let the medics know that the cashier had been shot. Unfortunately, they hadn't gotten to her in time. When the bullet went through the glass, it struck her in the head. She died instantly.

I watched as they rushed Robert on a gurney and into the ambulance. Robert was still holding on and fighting. I ran to the ambulance and tried to climb inside as they rushed to take him to the hospital.

"You're going to have to meet us down there sir," one of the medics said closing the back door so that they could try and save Robert's life. They pulled off and I watched as they drove away. Suddenly I found myself praying, and begging God to spare my friend's life. I didn't want Rob to die.

End of The Triangle

The story continues in the next chapter

## Agape: Chapter Two-The Inner Circle

Thank you so very much for reading

Agape:Chapter One-The Triangle.

I am so grateful for your time and interest.

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