

Total Wellness

Brent Swartzlander P.T., D.P.T., O.C.S.

"This book will help guide you on your personal path to wellness"

Copyright 2012 Brent Swartzlander

Published on Smashwords

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Special thanks to my wife Michele and our three kids who put up with my obsessions.

My brother Ric, the true artist in the family, who helped me organize these thoughts.

Also to Paula Becker who makes it appear as though I can use the English language appropriately.

Cheryl at Serpentine Design for her guidance and support.

..........and Granny.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1

CONNECTING MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT

Chapter 2

THE MIND SYSTEM

Chapter 3

THE BODY SYSTEM

Chapter 4

THE SPIRIT SYSTEM

Chapter 5

THE COMPETITION WITHIN

Chapter 6

ENLIGHTENMENT

Chapter 7

SELF MOTIVATION AND GOAL FINDING

Chapter 8

OBSERVATIONS AND SUGGESTIONS

Chapter 9

NOW WHAT?

MATERIAL TO HELP YOU ON YOUR PATH

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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INTRODUCTION

I believe we have, over the last decade or two, been thoroughly overloaded with what we should do to stay or get healthy, yet the epidemic continues. Everyone hears this specific food is good for this disease or that, yet diabetes and obesity continue to be prevalent. Everyone has been told exercise is healthy and helps control weight and chronic disease. Does anyone need to hear one more time that smoking is not healthy and leads to lung disease? Yet, most every book and web page relating to wellness is cluttered with these types of discussions. Eat this to be healthier, eat that to stave off cancer. Exercise this way or that for a better body. Despite all of this specific, overwhelming and sometimes even contradictive information, as a society, we continue with unhealthy habits and inactivity as a routine. The problem does not seem to be with the knowledge or information disseminated to the masses. The problem is how this knowledge is put to use or perhaps not put to use. The main piece of this dilemma is that there is no one-size-fits all diet, exercise routine, smoking cessation system, stress reducer or mind enhancer. Yet again, as a society, we are willing, even desperate, to buy "the package" that someone, anyone, tells us will do just that. Rather than try to sell a package to fix yours and everyone else's problems, I plan to help you discover your own personal system of wellness.

I will discuss the most current research and evidence that is available about what works and what does not work. I want to arm you with the general knowledge to help you decide what will specifically work for you, not what I think works with "everyone." I will help you set goals, initiate positive change and maintain these changes. What that change actually is must come from you, not from me or anyone else, yet this is exactly what other health and wellness programs try to sell you on. This book and my web page are dedicated to breaking this cycle, this culture.

This nation is the unhealthiest it has been in decades. Adults and children alike are becoming progressively overweight and inactive. This is fueling a medical emergency with skyrocketing expenses to care for chronic disease that could easily be prevented. Diet and activity levels, along with smoking and stress, have created a whirlpool of destruction that is pulling us deeper and deeper into an unhealthy state. It is truly a spiral: eating poorly and not moving enough to becoming overweight or obese, on to high blood pressure and diabetes, then heart disease, stroke, kidney failure, blindness, amputations, and even premature death.

People want a quick fix, a magic bullet, an elixir to give them benefit with little or no effort. It is kind of like the little kid who thinks he or she will run faster and jump higher if he or she buys a new pair of tennis shoes. Compare this with companies who are making a fortune selling diet supplements, energy drinks, exercise programs and equipment that bring little or no more results than those new sneakers. There are fortunes being made in telling people what they need to get themselves healthy. We have been lulled into believing that someone will give us what we need to bring ourselves back to health, out of the slump and back into the game. One example of this is the pharmaceutical companies. They develop a pill for type 2 diabetes and it is taken by the patient. The patient is lulled into thinking "I'm doing what I need to be doing to address my diabetes." There is nothing further from the truth. The pill is a stopgap measure to address the body's current decreased function and slow the progression of the disease. It addresses the symptoms but does not change the underlying problem. The cure is proper diet and activity to prevent getting the diabetes in the first place. Diet and activity can even improve the condition once you have it. This is also the case with high blood pressure. Once the doctor gives the patient a blood pressure pill, it is as if the problem is solved. The blood pressure pill addresses symptoms, but the disease often progresses requiring stronger or multiple medicines. This is because the lifestyle has not changed. "They are giving me what I need." We wait for someone else to convince us of what we need when what we really need is to decide for ourselves. No one will ever complete or maintain what someone else has laid out for them. The program is unnatural and does not fit and therefore fails.

Most wellness books and websites have volumes on what is healthy and what is not. There is no cookie cutter approach. That is why, when a book or website suggests that to get healthy and happy you must follow their exercise and diet plan, it fails. The truth is, to get healthy and happy you must follow your exercise, diet, stress reduction or mind enhancement plan. I know your knee jerk reaction is "I don't have a plan, that's my problem." I will help you solve your problem, your unique and personal problem. I will explain research and reasoning as few books have done. Then I will do one more very important thing, and that is to help you decide what path to health and wellness will work for you. You evaluate, design and implement what will work for you. By examining your own individual circumstances of mind, body and spirit, I will help you develop attainable goals that you set, not someone else. You are the only one that can decide when, where and how to change you. Let's get started.

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Chapter 1

CONNECTING MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT

"Worry affects circulation, the heart, the glands, the whole nervous system, and profoundly affects the heart. I have never known a man who died from overwork, but many who died from doubt."

This book has been the hardest thing I have ever done. There are so many things I want to say, but at the same time I do not want to push my ideas on the reader. There have been many before me who have told the reader how they should proceed. My goal is not to tell you what I think is working for me or what worked for your neighbor, but instead to help you to discover which path is going to work for you. It is inside each of you. For me or anyone else to tell anyone else "this is your path to total wellness" is disrespectful of the diversity of humanity. I am not a guru or the mystical sage. I am a person just like you. I started this quest somewhat unknowingly when I entered college back in 1982. As I began my journey to become a physical therapist I also began my quest to discover total wellness. This quest has become an obsession. I have listened to lectures and studied books and research on health. I have studied wellness and become a wellness coach. Exercise, spirituality, meditation, breathing techniques and mind-body connection are just a few areas that I have dedicated my studies to. I have gone as far as to become a certified hypnotherapist just to learn about hypnosis. I have worked with patients in pain my entire career as a physical therapist, and I have learned many things from them. I have a doctoral degree and a specialty certification in orthopedic physical therapy. I did not do all of these things to become your leader. I did it to answer my own personal questions and become a better therapist. The interesting thing about this quest is I do not believe I will ever be finished. With each answer there comes another question. It appears there is truth in what I have always said. "The more I learn the more I realize how much I do not know." This phrase has been attributed to Socrates. What a humbling thought and perspective. If you are thinking about reading this book, I am excited for you as you start or continue your quest. However, if you are reading this book to get "all the answers" so you can be done with your quest, you have the wrong book.

You and Science Make a Powerful Team

Before we dive too far into the mind, body and spirit discussion; there is a bit of preliminary work I would like to do to set the stage. There are some things I would like you to consider as it relates to overall health and wellness.

I would like to give you some tenants that I think will help keep perspective as the reader analyzes what I am going to say but also to assess what they hear through other sources. These are core to any attempt at improving health and wellness. You will hear them repeated throughout this book in one form or another.

  1. Everyone has their own personal path. The path to personal health and wellness is not one I can specifically prescribe to you or one you can copy directly from another.

  2. If you find your personal path to health and wellness, you will be more likely to stick with it.

  3. There are endless options to improve one's personal health and wellness. No one specific, healthy behavior is superior to another. The power lies in what you need personally. It is not the effort, time or intensity required that makes a behavior powerful but the potential it carries to fit the individuals need.

  4. Choose only those behaviors that resonate with you; feel right and fit you.

  5. Health and wellness is never an all-or-nothing effort. You are either working at health and wellness or you are not at any given moment. It is a work in progress, not a task that has to be completed.

  6. Each individual is at a different place of readiness to adopt any given health behavior. If you are not ready, that behavior will not last (see Prochaska, Stages of Change later in this chapter).

  7. Scientific research can explain and guide an individual's efforts. The more you learn, the more powerful you are to resist current fads and trends that may take you off of your personal path.

Now that we have these ideas in mind, we can begin to discuss the mind, body and spirit. The idea is to begin to understand the connection of the three through science and research. Many speak about connecting mind, body and spirit but leave the discussion a bit vague and open to speculation and even criticism. Most people intuitively know there is a connection but are uneasy about the discussion as it pertains to specific health and wellness behavior.

The good news is that there is a solid scientific connection between mind, body and spirit. The research continues to grow and in some cases, it is overwhelmingly supportive of the connection that exists and if properly used can exponentially improve both the connections and our overall health and wellness. That interconnectedness of mind, body and spirit comes from the Autonomic Nervous System (A.N.S.). The A.N.S. is a complicated and intricate piece of our nervous system which controls, monitors and regulates the automatic functions within the body and is connected through the Central Nervous System to purposeful functions. The A.N.S is involved in heart rate, breathing, vision, hearing, smell, sleep, bowel and bladder function, sexual function and especially digestion. The A.N.S. is so complex and touches literally _every_ function of our body that the scientists call it, "The Second Brain". When you understand the power and the reach of the A.N.S, you open yourself up to a multitude of health and wellness options. There is overwhelming evidence that affecting and resetting the A.N.S can change your health and wellness drastically. If you put this power to work daily or even several times a day, you control your universe.

As I have said before, we should stop working _harder_ and begin working _smarter_. You can do this by harnessing the power of the A.N.S. Understanding how to use; breath, increased muscle tension (smiling & isometrics), decreased muscle tension (relaxation), stress reduction, vision, balance, vibration, sound, even laughter and sex as tools of health and wellness, will open a whole new world for most people. This has been distributed in a very piecemeal fashion for years. The ideas are well researched on an individual basis. Many individuals and groups employ a singular piece of this and swear it is "the path" to wellness. One reason it is piecemeal is nobody has made the connection to the A.N.S in the different areas of research but also these tools are not glamorous or exciting. These tools are also hard to sell because you already posses them all. These of health and wellness tools are at your fingertips all day, every day and with far less effort than a boot camp workout; you can take charge of your personal path. Once we bundle these different areas of mind, body and spirit into usable tools that are interconnected though the A.N.S., you are in control.

Now you can start working on health and wellness based on science rather than looks, appearance, hype or any perceived level of difficulty. Yes, exercise and eating right are absolutely part of the program. They are only two pieces of a multi-piece puzzle. Physical exercise and diet are no more powerful and in some cases less powerful aspects of your personal health and wellness. The answer is not always to exercise harder or longer or eat less and less. You will now have access to other techniques that are proven to help, frequently with much less effort. By using the A.N.S. to your advantage you can fight disease, have more energy, decrease stress and anxiety, have better sex and yes improve muscle tone and control weight. Everyone talks about breathing as it relates to yoga, Tia Chi or simply stress reduction techniques. How does it work? The autonomic nervous system control is able to creates more change than most people realize. If you control your breathing and improve breath function, it can affect digestion and storage, energy, blood pressure, sex, stress, sleep, muscular function. This is probably the most researched area of autonomic control outside of physical exercise. Yes, physical exercise is heavily dependent on the A.N.S. for the positive effects it has but also helps to improve the autonomic nervous system response. The thing is you can use mind, body or spirit to reset and strengthen the A.N.S. interconnectedness. The mind can be used to build the body, use the body to build spirit, spirit to build the mind, and vice versa all because of the interconnectedness of the A.N.S... _How can aroma therapy give me more energy or allow me to sleep better?_ The answer is A.N.S. tone. _How can listening to music give me brain power or help with stress relief?_ Answer is A.N.S... _How can progressive muscle relaxation improve my pain or blood pressure?_ How can a simple isometric exercise improve strength, reduce pain and affect blood pressure? _How can staring at a flame relax me and improve my breathing?_ _How could increasing my heart rate for only a few minutes decrease my risk of dying?_ _How could standing more than sitting at the office reduce my risk of heart attack?_ _How can deep breathing improve the good bacteria and immune function of my gut?_ The answer is the **A.N.S.!**

If you bought a factory (think of your body) that was on the decline (not in perfect health) with machines in disrepair, leaking hydraulic fluid (A.N.S. controlled hormone and neurotransmitter imbalance) and electrical systems shorting out (think A.N.S. interconnection), what would you do? Would you buy the best raw materials (healthy food) and think the end product will be great? Would you ramp up the production lines and try to run the machines at full throttle (boot camp workout) and think you will meet the orders? Of course not! The first thing anyone would do is fix the wiring (A.N.S. interconnection) and hydraulic pressures (hormones and neurotransmitters controlled by A.N.S.) to ensure a quality product. Again, not that healthy food and exercise are unimportant but if the A.N.S. is not working for you, your end product may not satisfy you or your customers. When thinking of the Mind, Body and Spirit interconnection just remember that:.....The mind is the captain.....the body is the ship.....the spirit is the treasure map.....and the A.N.S is the sea and the weather conditions that the ship sails in. The captain can yell out orders. You can try to make your ship stronger or sleeker. You can have an established well thought out route mapped out. If the seas are treacherous and the weather is not favorable, you may get off course or even sink.

System Interdependence

Now let us get into wellness of the mind, body and spirit. A big component of this discussion will center on viewing mind, body and spirit as three interconnected systems. You cannot do anything positive or negative to any one of the systems that does not affect the other two systems. I refer to this as system interdependence. So if you do something positive for the body like exercise, a positive effect will flow directly into the mind and spirit. If you have a bad spiritual experience that has a negative effect on the spirit, it will drain energy from the body and the mind. There is no way to separate these three systems. Do not read any further in this book unless you are sure of what I am saying about this concept. Read this paragraph again if need be. You might have been zoning out for a second. This paragraph is crucial to understanding your paths to total wellness.

Let us take the easiest example and diagram this out. First let us look at an average balanced system where mind, body and spirit are well energized and running on all three cylinders. (See figure 1) Then look at the mind, body and spirit when the mind is under stress. (See figure 2)

Figure 1

Figure 2

Why do we represent stress by making the mind circle large and the body and spirit circles smaller? This is representing the energy flow. Remember I said each system is connected so that you cannot do something to one and not have an effect on the other. There is only a certain amount of energy available for the systems. The energy needs to be balanced in each system. If you are placing excessive energy in the system of the mind due to unrelenting stress, it has to pull from the body and the spirit. The body and spirit systems begin to get drained as the mind is nearly ready to explode from expanding energy consumption.

What if instead of energy consumption there was energy input? Then each system, mind, body and spirit, would grow equally. For instance, you begin to exercise regularly or you start taking those lessons on a musical instrument you have always wanted to learn. This is positive input to the body and mind, and energy flows into rather than out of the systems. The three systems equal out and begin to overlap nearly completely. No excessive energy drain is seen. Look at figure 3 as this is where we would all like to be. Just striving and working towards this level will enhance mind, body and spirit to new levels.

Figure 3

The beauty of this three system interdependence model is that you can work on any one system indirectly by using one or both of the other systems. So if there is stress that you have no control over invading your life, you do not just have to accept it as your situation. You do not have to allow it to drain all three systems. You can improve things through doing positive actions for the body and the spirit. Instead of focusing on the stressor that you may not have any ability to change immediately, refocus the energy to something you can control. For instance, start an exercise program or read to a group of children. These are body and spirit oriented activities that will put energy into the systems and improve the system of the mind. Let's look at this from an even more extreme view. If you eat a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables and whole grains you not only enhance the body, but you enhance the mind and spirit as well. You cannot affect one system without affecting the other two. The remainder of this book will focus on the three systems of mind, body and spirit and how you can manage the systems yourself.

Individualism

The nice thing about this system interdependence of mind, body and spirit is that it allows for the diversity of humanity. That is to say it actually respects the individual differences in people and allows them options to attain total wellness from an emphasis in any of these areas. Some individuals are much more in tune with one of the three areas than the others. Any one area can lead the improvement and growth towards wellness. Some people are more athletic and in tune to their physical body. Extreme examples are professional athletes. Other people are more in tune to the mind. Extreme examples might be rocket scientists. Some people are more spiritually connected. Extreme examples may be gifted artists, composers or caregivers. This does not mean they are not connected to the other two systems but obviously are more connected to one. You do not have to be the extreme to recognize this. I am sure each of you can say, almost without hesitation, which of the three systems is your strongest. This is a great place to start. Because the systems are so inter-related, you can start in your strongest and enhance all three. If you are more body oriented and can start getting more physically active, you will notice more mental clarity and spiritual grounding. If you are more mentally oriented and start taking a class, you may note more physical energy and spiritual clarity. If you are a spiritually connected and practice these activities, mental and physical energy will follow. Also, each person can have specific talents within each area. To find your character strengths and build on them, go to viame.org to take a free survey. Remember this discussion as a place to start when we talk later in the book about goal setting.

The opposite side of this is that you can use support of one area to help when problems arise even in your stronger system. For instance, if your mental system is your strength, but it is under severe stress, what can you do? Listening to music can bring down the irrepressible, continuous thoughts that accompany stress. As Johnny Cash would advise, "get rhythm when you get the blues." Another option might be exercise or deep breathing as a means of quieting the mind. Focus on the muscles or lungs at work. We will discuss this in more detail in chapter 3.

Help Yourself

I am writing this to focus your thinking inward and to empower you to be your own guru. Each of us is capable of this, however, society has programmed us to look outward for answers. The answers are inside of you, each and every one of you. You just have to find them. No one can and no one should rely on others for these answers. If another person suggests or preaches that he or she has the answer for you, place one hand firmly on your wallet and back away quickly. Unfortunately, many of these outsiders are not typically there for your benefit but rather their own. They want your money or they want you to pump up their ego - usually both.

There are many examples of this throughout history. One of the more notables might be the Reverend Jim Jones, who convinced hundreds to follow him instead of convincing people to follow what was already inside each one of them. This tragedy took the lives of many who wanted nothing more than to find their own inner spirit. Another more recent example is James Arthur Ray and his sweat lodge. If someone wants $9,000 to guide you to your spirit, something is wrong. He or she is charging you for something that you already possess. You have the capacity to connect to your inner spirit, find your inner guide and live with inner peace. You have to be the one to guide you, or it is false, forced, contrived, and a coerced fragile mirage of your authentic self. How can I, or anyone else, tell you who you are?

This is not to say that there are not good people with good information to offer you. There are many, and I hope to guide you to those that I have found to be the best in their chosen field. It seems as though each one of these people has his or her specialty. One may seem to have more to say about spirituality or another is an expert on exercise or perhaps how to build your mind or get motivated. My hope in this book is that I bring all three, mind, body, and spirit, into one complete and simple package. As you are reading this book, do not get hung up on any one thought or concept as a mandate. Think about what is being said and decide how that fits in your life. Everyone who reads this book is currently in a unique mental, spiritual and physical condition. There is no one-size-fits-all. Depending on where you are in your own quest for total wellness, certain concepts will fit better than others at this time. I would suggest that if you read this book again at different periods of your life, it will say something different each time. None of this should feel forced or difficult. Do not pressure yourself to meet some imagined or inferred prerequisite.

Change Is Hard

Changing is a terrific concept. If you do not like something or something is bothering you, change it. This concept works very well in the external environment of our lives, however, it is sometimes nearly impossible to implement in the internal environment. I will give you an example. My wife grows tired of the color of the walls in our house about every two years. So she paints; problems solved. I believe we are actually losing square footage due to the expanding thickness of the walls from continual layers of paint. But let us get back to the point. The challenge is to change things on the inside. Stop smoking, start exercising, take that class or get healthy. Maybe figure out the meaning of your life. That stuff is hard, but then again, nobody really likes to paint either.

How do you change internal ideas, habits and thought processes? First you have to understand rationalization. We are incredible at resisting change within ourselves. We rationalize all sorts of reasons why we cannot or we should wait, or maybe we feel it is not even up to us. In our personal lives we like stability, certainty and predictability. Somehow this makes us secure, even if it is not really what we want. At least we know what to expect when it is the same old thing. So we rationalize. Rationalization is a polite way of saying you are lying to yourself.

The more important we feel something is that we need to change, the bigger the lie we are willing not only to tell ourselves but to believe. Actually, the more important the issue is, the more committed we are to that lie or rationalization. Sometimes we even start saying them out loud to others. "I can't lose weight because I have a low metabolism." I can't start that class because with the kids I'm just too busy." We usually say these types of things without looking the other person in the eyes, probably because somehow, subconsciously, we know he or she is rolling their eyes at us. The only part of either of these statements that means anything is "I can't." If you say those words out loud then it becomes your truth and you become committed to it. The rest of the statement should always just be filled in with "because I'm more secure if I can count on my weight not changing" or "because I fear all the other changes that might occur in my life if I take the class." The truth is, "I'm afraid I will not be able to do it." It is difficult to pull yourself out of this mode of thinking. We all need a Ricky Gervaise to force us out of our safe zone like he does with Carl on "An Idiot Abroad" on the Science channel. This is a great example of art immolating life.

Break the Rationalization Habit

How do you correct this rationalization problem? There are two main principles that you must observe. The first is being completely objective with yourself, and the second is to get as educated as you can. Knowledge is power, but it must be truthful and objective. By educated I do not mean you have to go to college and get multiple degrees. It simply means you must continually learn from your mistakes, and yes, even study information on topics that you have objectively found to be your weakness. Objectivity is not as simple as one might think. We are so good at rationalizing things to ourselves we do not even realize we do it. In the beginning you may have to reflect back after the damage is done and try to see how things went wrong. Hindsight is not always 20/20, but it can be clearer than when you are standing in the middle of the situation. Be unbiased and even put yourself in the position of others to get a clearer view. Sometimes looking at the issue from the other person's perspective gives complete 360 degree objectivity. The other thing to do is to slow down a little. That rationalization looks good on the surface, but if you slow down and really focus on the issue, that hard candy shell begins to dissolve, and you can see through the rationalization.

There are all kinds of rationalizations and lack of objectivity examples. There are big ones and small ones related to all aspects of our lives. Let us look at two celebrities who did not slow down and were not very objective in a similar situation. They both got themselves into a proverbial jam. Let us also look at how they responded to their predicaments. David Letterman and Tiger Woods both had some trouble in the fidelity department. I do not mean to pick on either of them, but they do make good examples. Mr. Letterman is one of the funniest men on television, and Tiger is one of the best golfers ever to play the game. Unfortunately, they both fell prey to the same trap. They were not objective with themselves. They believed they were truly "above the law." The rules did not apply to them as they do to everyone else. When the news broke, both men took very different approaches. David Letterman seemed to come down to earth quickly. He appeared to assess his situation and look objectively at his position. He said, "I did this, I messed up and what I did was wrong." He had no excuses and he told the world "I need to fix this." Tiger on the other hand did not seem quite as objective. There was no admission for days and little communication of any type to take responsibility and demonstrate objectivity. He seemed to be struggling to continually rationalize and escape the inevitable. I think he may still be suffering for his rationalizations. Again, the mind, body and spirit are linked so it is difficult to swing a golf club to perfection (physical) when the mind and spirit are in turmoil.

On a more positive note, I admire Tiger's unmatched talent. He has done so many things on the course that may never be matched. He has taken golf into a whole new era, and we see his positive energies already coming into the sport via young, gifted and fearless golfers. Tiger connects us to our inner athlete. When he hits an incredible shot, we get a rush of endorphins as if we made the shot ourselves. Golf, probably more than any other sport, ties the mind, body and spirit to the final outcome. For Tiger to have risen to the top as fast and skillfully as he did tells me he has seen his internal self and used it to its fullest. I have no doubt Tiger will find his true internal self again and regain that balance within. We will see him back at the top. I look forward to it.

I want to throw in a word of caution here, because I have seen this in many of my patients as they tell me their life stories. Objectivity means honest evaluation of the situation. There should be no bias in either direction. I see many people, and it seems like women more than men fall in to this category which is the habit of berating themselves over situations that they actually had no control over. This may be due to the nurturing, caregiver role that women play. They feel it is their responsibility to make everything good for everyone. These people do not rationalize away the problem; they rationalize why it had to have been all their fault and responsibility every time. Objectivity is difficult. You have to step away and look at the situation with no bias for or against yourself. No one can control the world and all that happens in it.

Objectivity Is A Must

Some people are unable to look at themselves honestly. They cannot see the situation from all sides. Bias sneaks in and leads the decision making. The conscience knows what is truthful and right instantly. The conscience will send you constant reminders if you do something outside of what is known about the inner self. The inner self is the blueprint for decision making. Justification or rationalizations in the mind are often the ticket to misery and unrest.

Misery and unrest occur when people lie or rationalize to themselves about situations, events and other people. We see this every day in all walks of life from crooked politicians to business to interpersonal relationships. We must stop telling ourselves nonobjective things. Always taking things as they appear on the surface, without scrutiny, will block us from our path and our true potential. Let us take some examples. Physically you may tell yourself "I'm too heavy to exercise" or "my arthritis will not allow me to do that." Mentally you may tell yourself "I was never very smart" or "I could never learn to do that." Spiritually you may feel "I am just not worthy of this" or "I'm not a good person." These are all examples of rationalizations, but they become our truth as we repeat them day in and day out.

Stages of Change

So how do you change things in the mind, body and spirit? There are many theories and even some scientific research to point us in the right direction. The most promising and yet straightforward model of change that I have come across is Prochaska's stages of change. James Prochaska PhD from the University of Rhode Island developed the five stages of change: Pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance. Simply put, you must understand where you are in this continuum of change and strive to move to the next level. Pre-contemplation means you are not even aware of a need to change. You have not noticed or thought about changing an issue. Contemplation means you have noticed and had a few early thoughts on the matter but really have not done anything significant to move towards taking action. During preparation is when things begin to click. You begin to notice the issue more frequently. It is on your mind more often. You begin to think about what it would take to actually make the change. This is usually when you are studying the issue. Possibly reading books and getting friends' opinions. During this preparation you are pulling in all the tools you feel you will need and take that first step for changing the issue. Perhaps first you build your own support team. Action is when you pull the trigger and take that first step towards changing an issue. The action phase can be long or short depending on what is required to make the change. After you have fully implemented the change for a few months, you will move into the maintenance phase to make it part of who you are. If you are reading this book, chances are you are in the contemplation or preparation stage. To learn more about stages of change go to www.prochange.com.

The key is to recognize which stage you are in and work from there. If you are just starting to contemplate a change, let us just say to stop smoking, then you should not try to stop until you move through the preparation stage. Preparation may include speaking to a medical provider to get advice on what method of quitting fits your situation best. Cold turkey is difficult but can be made easier with a case manager (some states provide for free). Maybe you should use the patches or the gum. Perhaps oral medication and a water vapor electronic cigarette make more sense. Speaking to someone about auriculotherapy, hypnosis or acupuncture may be more your speed. These are just a few examples relating to one specific issue that if skipped over would result in failure. This same process needs to occur with anything you are trying to change.

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Chapter 2

THE MIND SYSTEM

It is all "an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter."

Mark Twain

There is much written and there are piles of research discussing the system of the mind. What follows is a loose translation from science to English. Our ability as humans to change our thought process, motivations and even our actions is unique. We can evaluate our circumstances objectively and change them if we so desire. Cognitive theory would highlight our need to believe we are in control. The more you believe you are in control, the more you actually become in control of your thoughts, motivations and actions. People who believe they are in control picture situations in which they have positive outcomes. People who do not believe they are in control will focus on how the situation will go bad. This is not just simply visualization. It is not just seeing it in your mind. You must have a belief that it is truly possible. Just the slightest spark of "yes, that could actually happen" thinking can ignite the motivational action in your mind.

You Control You

The belief that you are in control obviously affects your motivation. If you feel you have the ability to control an outcome, you will put more effort into it and stick with the program longer to get the change you are looking for. If you do not have that sense of control over the outcome, you will give up at the first sign of trouble. This does not mean that people who feel they can control the outcome does not run into difficulties and obstacles. These people stay focused. They remove or minimize the obstacle and continue working towards the desired outcome. Those who do not feel in control see the obstacle as a personal attack or a sign that the desired outcome is not obtainable for them. Would you call this self-confidence? When does it change to cockiness and arrogance? I would say when the feeling of control far exceeds the actual earthly abilities of the individual; it is becoming something other than self-confidence. Again, objectivity is the key.

There is also literature to support the idea that this sense of control over your life and your situation leads to less stress. It seems all too simple that if you feel you do not have control over your life and your situation, you will be forever worried, nervous and anxious about what may be headed your way next. Rudyard Kipling said: "If you can meet triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same.... Yours is the earth and everything that is in it." Any individual has a certain amount of energy available to them. How will you use that energy? Will you worry and remain problem focused, or will you focus on what you can do and the positives? Minimize the negatives and maximize the positives of your situation. Focus on the things you can control and forget those things outside of your control. Worry is simply speculation. It is wasted energy. Rather than worry about something you probably cannot control, do something productive that is in your control. Worry will not change the outcome; it only changes you. While you are busy worrying, you are missing out on other positive events that are or could be happening around you. (See figure 4)

Figure 4

Learn Optimism and Get In Over Your Head

This sense of control over your situation has been explained by Martin Seligman Ph.D. as optimism versus pessimism. His book "Learned Optimism" expands on this idea of perceived control and how each individual explains life events to one's self. His book gives you the opportunity to take brief psychological questionnaires to understand your explanation style. He also gives instruction on how to improve your optimistic explanation style to improve your sense of control. In short, he feels you can learn to be optimistic. Personally, I think the best way to improve on one's sense of control is by placing yourself in situations that give you the opportunity to practice being in control.

I had a seventh-grade teacher who once advised my entire class that if someone asks you if you can do a job or project, you should never say no. Even if you are not sure that you can do the job or project at that given moment. You should always say yes. After you say yes, you will figure it out. I have followed this advice since the seventh-grade. It took me a while, but I began to understand why he had made this statement to the class. We all have a tendency to avoid the areas of life that we do not feel equipped to handle. This is profound in its effect. If we avoid certain situations and events in life, we miss out on opportunities for experience. Experiences are how we grow, develop and gain more belief in our ability and our control. If you say yes when you truly want to say yes, even though there is something telling you that you are about to get in over your head, you force yourself to grow. What my teacher was telling us was to challenge ourselves every chance we get.

I will give you a specific personal account of this concept. I was not a stellar student in high school. Books were rarely transported from the locker to the classroom, much less from school to home. When I entered Junior College to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I was challenged by a guidance counselor to decide on a profession. After a few rudimentary questions about my likes (sports and science), my counselor asked if I had ever considered physical therapy. Not only had I never considered it, I had never heard of it. Lucky for me my counselor apparently forgot to look at my high school transcripts before asking me this question. At that time in the early 1980s, physical therapy was on the rise. It had become extremely competitive to get accepted into a college program. There were literally hundreds of applicants for programs accepting only 20 or 30 students. Long story short, my counselor asked if I could do a job. On brief examination it looked like a fit, so I said yes. Then I figured it out. Had I stopped to focus on things outside of my current control, I would have stopped right then. If I had focused on the fact that my transcripts would not be good enough or the curriculum would be too tough, I would have never applied to physical therapy school. Luckily, the schools looked only at my junior college and ACT scores rather than the high school transcripts. If I had reasoned about how many incredibly good students were trying to get the same few spots in these programs, I would have melted. What if I had focused on how few students they accept? Had I known I would have to do an interview, write a paper and have multiple hours of experience in the field just to apply, I may have never even considered it. Luckily, I just said yes. Get in a little over your head as often as you can. You will grow from the experience whether you are completely successful or not.

Build On Your Successes

To change we must also define what we expect. Some would say "set a goal", however, it is more of an internal expectation. Always set the expectation slightly above your current level, and then as you attain that level reset the expectation slightly higher again. Smaller bites will still get you there. Successes are contagious. Each time you hit an expectation your confidence will build. The more the confidence builds, the easier it is to set the next expectation. If you do not meet an expectation, be objective as to whether there was something outside of your control or something you did not anticipate. Do not give up. Learn from a miss even more than a make. Regroup and do not let it happen again. We will discuss internal versus external goals and motivation more specifically in chapter 8.

As you are looking at things with your objective eye, try to decide where your weaknesses lie. Do you lack self-confidence or the feeling of control over your own life? Find books and DVDs on the subject and educate your brain. Motivational tapes even help early on to get you moving. Motivational tapes are an external source of motivation. Motivation must come from within, however, in the beginning this may help to get you moving and get a few successes under your belt. There are studies to show motivational materials and speakers provide a temporary state of motivation for most people. I feel this is true in that motivation must eventually come from within. However, sometimes when the tanks are dry and you could use a push, there is no doubt that in the short term motivational books and tapes can help get motivation back on track. Perhaps you are not good at setting your expectations. There are volumes written on goal setting. Most of these books use 200 pages to say set your goal at an attainable level, write it down and read it daily until you hit it. Still, if this is where you lack resources, get the book. The one thing many of these types of books lack is the discussion of how your goals must be generated from the inner drive. We will discuss this later in the book. You must get yourself to the point that you feel in control of you and your situation. You do not have to dominate the world, just you and your situation. If you are not in control of you, who is?

Reconnect With "The Real You"

Now we will begin to discuss how to change into the person you want to be. What I find with my patients is they seem to be looking for something that already exists within them. They seem to feel like they have gotten away from that internal sense of who they are. It appears they will tell me a story of an event that has either stopped them in their tracks "arrested their development," or knocked them off the tracks completely. They are not the person that they feel down deep they should be. They usually described trying to get back on track or getting moving forward again.

They are looking for their true self. What the literature has called authenticity. Simply put, the "real you." When you are doing things that do not fit your concept of the "real you," it creates a sense of conflict. You may feel as if there is something wrong with you. You may think to yourself "I don't feel right; everyone else seems fine with this. Why do I feel anxious, nervous, uneasy or depressed?" When you have feelings of anxiety and frustration it is an indicator that something is out of balance in the systems. It just does not fit your mind or your body or maybe even your spirit, depending on what situation you are in. Maybe you have been putting off a project for school or work. Maybe you have been drinking or using drugs. Maybe you have been gossiping about someone you call a friend. We see others doing these things and they seem unaffected. Many times, when we get these awkward and frustrated feelings, we do not recognize why. We do not make the connection or we choose to ignore it. This is an opportunity lost. The opportunity to objectively analyze down deep inside is at hand. The opportunity to find peace inside ourselves is a gift. Embrace this feeling of uneasiness or frustration. Find happiness and contentment in knowing that your internal alarm is working so well that it almost paralyzes you when there is a conflict between society and your true inner self. We will revisit the true inner self when we discuss the spiritual self.

It begins to become difficult to separate the mind and the Spirit. This topic begins to fall into the center of the diagram where the three rings overlap completely and it is difficult to tell one from the other. Your true expectations originate 100% from the Spirit. They bubble up from the deepest part of you. How do you get back on track? How do you get moving forward again? The mind must be aware of what it is you expect to change to improve your life. Set your expectations! Your expectation has to be fully conscious in the front of your mind. The mind must focus the body into action. If the mind does not realize what the expectation is, it cannot direct the body towards situations that help meet your expectations. You can not physically pick up a book on a topic if you do not know the topic is of interest to you. This is system interdependencies continually at work.

Expect More...Desire Less

Let us look at a couple of examples of desire. First up we have Charles M. Schwab, the steel magnate. He built Bethlehem Steel into the second biggest steel company in the United States. He worked his way to the top and promptly started to desire more. He built a 75 room French Château called Riverside on the upper Westside in New York City. It was so big it took up an entire city block. Fortunately, he had a summer place which was a small 44 room clubhouse on 1,000 acres with a nine-hole golf course out behind the garage. He was known for living the high life, parties, gambling and a few ladies on the side. Desires! He had blown most of his money before the depression even hit. It was calculated to be approximately 500 million to 800 million in today's money. After the depression finished him off he was over $300,000 in debt, and he died shortly thereafter in 1939. Losing sight of your spiritual expectations and focusing on desires can turn out very poorly.

Let us move into modern-day and one Bernie Madoff. He made his mark as a stockbroker and investment advisor. He was a non-executive chairperson on the NASDAQ. By most accounts he was bright and hard-working in the beginning. Probably in tune to his expectations at least to some degree he made a name for himself in the financial world. Then desire set in. He began to rationalize in the late 1980s or early 1990s, and the largest Ponzi scheme in history was born. The estimates were in the neighborhood of 18 billion actual dollars investors have lost. He received 150 years in prison (see David Letterman's countdown clock for the exact release date). His son quoted Bernie as saying the whole thing was "one big lie" read rationalization. We will continue this discussion in more detail in the Spirit System.

Do not confuse desires with expectations. In today's society this becomes harder and harder every day. This concept is easy to discuss but very difficult to implement. Once you truly get this idea in your mind you are over one of the biggest hurdles in changing your life. Desires are driven from the outside (society) and tend to be material. Expectations are driven from the inside (spirit) and are more of a state of being. Desires bring instant gratification that lasts only a few minutes compared to a true personal expectation which, when attained, lasts a lifetime. Desires are usually pretty easy to attain. Desires usually take money or just a simple rationalization, remember those, and it is yours. Often after the initial thrill of attaining the desire, it fades, and you may even feel worse because it was not in-line with the real inner you. Expectations are a little tougher, and when I say a little I mean a lot. They can take work, effort and time, lots of time. You have to be committed, take your lumps, get up and keep plowing ahead. Many people I talked to about expectations always come up with the standard "I want to make a lot of money." This is desire! Find the expectation that fits your inner self and the money will come. When you focus the mind on money that is where the body goes. It will do what it is told and get the money. It will be willing to take shortcuts, step on people as the mind rationalizes the shortest path to the money. Because it is not the expectation the Spirit wanted, you will never feel satisfied even if you make millions. Desire leaves you high and dry even when you get the money. Expectation leaves you feeling proud, satisfied and fulfilled.

The mind is not just there to think about daily tasks or problems we need to solve. It is there to guide us and move us physically towards our passions and personal expectations. It helps make expectations true passion. If you focus on your true passions, you will find yourself expanding your mind rather than just using it to get through the day or make a buck. Passions are things that improve you, mankind or both. We will discuss this later as internal goals. There is a need here for both conscience and focused thought. What I mean by this is that the conscience is the objective, critical review of your expectation and passion. Then focused thought helps you do the things you need to do to make your expectation and passion happen.

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Chapter 3

THE BODY SYSTEM

"Movement is Life"

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The body system is a topic that is close to my heart for a couple of reasons. The first is obvious, because I am a physical therapist and I have spent over 25 years trying to fix the body. The other reason is more personal. To look at me most people would think, "Hey that guy looks fit and healthy. I'm sure he always feels great." This is not quite the truth. At about the age of two I suffered a fairly significant head injury to the left side of my head. At that age the brain recovers pretty well. The body, on the other hand, can have a few repercussions. The injury caused my right leg to be a little shorter and weaker than my left. This did not stop me from participating in any activities, it just made it a little painful. The leg length difference was just enough to cause my spine to be placed in a bind. I began having significant back pain from about seventh-grade onward. Prior to that time, and back about as far as memory takes me, I had severe leg pains any time I was really active. I was a hyper kid, so that was nearly every day of my life. I was checked, but due to the lack of better ideas the doctors called it growing pains. If that is what it was I should be about 8 feet tall.

As I got into adulthood I suffered further disk problems in my back and neck. The last of which, at age 42, my M.D. recommended I have back surgery. I graciously declined his offer. I have also suffered a pinched nerve in my right shoulder due to a capsular cyst. Luckily, after about a year of pain, the muscle that nerve innervated died completely and now I only have pain if I overdo. Besides some residual tingling in my left arm or my right leg and some occasional neck and back pain, I do pretty well. I do occasionally get pain in both thumbs from years of doing manual therapy techniques with my patients, but this comes with the territory.

Now why do I tell you all of these things? To make you feel sorry for me or to depress you? Not at all; I tell you so you can see that everyone has pain, and it is no reason to not work on wellness of the body. Also, I tell you because I see every one of these aches and pains as a lesson plan just for me. How else could I know what my patients are experiencing? How else could I learn firsthand what works and what does not in my profession? How else can I encourage those in pain to do the best they can with what they have been given. I truly see every one of these aches, pains and maladies as a blessing in disguise. It is what brought me to this point in my life. Now personally I feel I have been blessed enough in the area of bodily pain. I am sure as I continue down the road of life I will get other aches and pains, but as some of my elderly patients tell me when they come in with their aches and pains, "I think it is just that I am getting older but it beats the alternative".

Go back and look at figures 1, 2 and 3 again to refresh your memory. The body is what we are given to make the spirit's expectations and the mind's motivations happen in the physical world. If you want anything positive to happen in your life take care of your body. This is an area I feel strongly about as I see broken down bodies on a daily basis. If the body is draining energy it is getting it from the mind and spirit. If you have ever had to try to focus on a project or discussion while in pain you know what I am saying first hand.

If you are serious about getting your body back into shape seek the advice of a professional. There are very few people who should not consult their doctor before starting work on the body. Notice that I do not say exercise because that is not all there is to it. Let us also be clear that we are talking about getting healthy; you do not have to be ripped like a bodybuilder to be healthy. There are actually studies to suggest that active overweight and obese people are healthier than inactive "normal" weight people.

What follows is meant to be a guide for general health. For more specific information or information as it pertains to a specific medical condition, one should consult his or her physician, therapist and a dietitian.

General Eating Habits

Many diet programs and weight loss programs advocate that we only eat certain foods or avoid eating certain foods. There is nothing natural about these types of programs. They turn diet into a verb rather than a noun. Diet becomes a continual process of actively seeking or avoiding certain foods rather than a description of lifestyle choice. "She is always dieting" and "dieting never works for me" versus "she has a healthy diet" and "his diet contains enough energy to get him through the day." As a society we look at eating as an activity rather than a lifestyle. A person has to eat and whatever they eat is their diet. Certainly we all have choices in a day as far as what we decide to eat, however, it is never as simple as restricting certain groups or subgroups of food. No one can sustain an unnatural or forced diet indefinitely. Unless you plan to take that supplement forever, or count carbs and calories forever, it will not last. A person's diet is an ongoing, lifetime, long-term habit. This habit can certainly be influenced by motivation and desire, such as losing weight and living a longer and healthier life. Eating habits should be changed in small increments gradually rather than drastically and abruptly. This is also true with diets that advocate significant weight loss in a short period of time. This is not a natural state and cannot be sustained. The best way to make lasting changes in a person's diet is to remove or substitute one simple thing every month to three months. For instance, a person could drink only one soda a day instead of three or more as I see many of my patients doing. Leave out the sugar or the creamer in your coffee or use half as much of both. Eat an apple at lunch instead of chips. As these small changes begin to add up over a year and then a lifetime, you will see permanent results. When you try to change your entire eating routine, it is impossible to maintain and failure ensues. This is also why diet drinks and pills do not work. Unless you plan to stay on them forever it will not be sustainable. This is not to mention the typical side effects of these products.

Based on the government's guidelines (see mypyramid.gov) the focus should be on eating habits rather than any one specific food choice. Such things as balance of diet, variety, portion size, frequency and education should be addressed.

BALANCE: Balance refers to the inclusion of the six food groups in one's diet. (Grains, vegetables, fruits, low-fat dairy, oil, lean meats and beans)

VARIETY: Variety refers to the inclusion of different foods within each one of the six food groups.

PORTION SIZE: Portion size refers to the appropriate amount of each food that is consumed.

FREQUENCY: Frequency refers to the number of times each day that we eat.

EDUCATION: Education refers to a person's willingness to learn about issues that concern him or her.

To balance your diet among the six food groups the focus should typically be on grains, vegetables, fruit and beans. In general, in the United States, we have no difficulty meeting and usually surpassing the amounts of oil, low fat dairy and meats that are recommended for consumption. To further simplify matters, the fruits and vegetables can be combined into one group. The recommended daily intake for each of these groups is as follows based on a 2000 calorie diet:

Reference mypyramid.gov

Variety within each food group is the key to a healthy diet. As we have stated earlier, focusing on one particular food group or subgroup is not appropriate. We are actually looking to do just the opposite by trying as many different types of food within each group. There are many excellent, healthful foods and no one particular food is right for everyone. We continually hear in the media that this food or that food will help with this condition or that condition. What research is truly uncovering is that there are many nutrients in fruits, vegetables, and dairy as well as the fiber in grains and even some protein that do miraculous things for general health as well as specific health conditions. So when you hear reports on the news that broccoli, pomegranate or Licopene from tomatoes may help with certain types of cancer, understand that they are actually proving what we already know -- that fruits and vegetables are good for your health. Another thing to consider when you hear certain extracts from foods, such as Licopene, are considered beneficial it does not take into account the interaction of that substance with other substances within that food source and other food sources. This is to say that taking a capsule full of Licopene, or other substance, may not be as beneficial as getting it from a tomato. In some cases it has even been shown to be determined. Another aspect to consider is that there is a difference between getting a little more of a certain nutrient in your diet to maintain health and taking a capsule every single day as a supplement. For instance, we know that fish oil is beneficial for the omega-3 fatty acids, however, there is a difference between eating fish a couple of times a week and taking an omega-3 supplement every day. Obviously if a person does not care to eat fish a supplement may be appropriate, however, that probably does not need to be daily unless directed by a physician or dietician for a specific medical condition. The same holds true for fiber, which we know is good for general health as well as preventing certain types of colorectal cancers. However, getting carried away with fiber intake can create health problems including severe constipation. There are recent studies that indicate over-utilization of some vitamins and supplements has actually placed people at greater risk of disease instead of lowering risk. There is really little evidence that taking vitamin pills will improve your health. Best bet is to get vitamins from the foods you eat.

Variety should be seen as a way to try new foods that you can enjoy. There are many dietary substitutions that are not well tolerated or enjoyed by many people. Therefore, having a wide variety allows a person to fit his or her own personal wants and needs. For instance, many people do not enjoy diet soda and cannot learn to like it, so substituting diet soda for regular soda would not be an option for cutting down on sugar intake. Not to mention recent links between diet soda and obesity. There is a wide variety of 100% fruit juices that could be substituted along with teas and flavored waters. Remember when you drink your fruits and vegetables rather than eating them you lose the important component of fiber. The lack of fiber causes us to not be full and can lead to over-consuming calories. Just as an example, purple grape juice can easily be found without any additives such as high fructose corn syrup or artificial flavoring. One 8 ounce cup of juice also counts as a serving of fruit. Making yourself your favorite tea and controlling the amount of sugar added, if any, would be a better option. Other simple ideas such as: lightly or unsalted mixed nuts rather than potato chips as a snack; hummus or salsa rather than a sour cream or oil based dip; keeping a bag of frozen fruit at work for a morning or afternoon snack; bags of frozen vegetables that can be steamed in three minutes with a little water in the microwave; sprinkle a few grape nuts, flax seed or wheat germ over your favorite cereal; use half soy milk and half skim milk in your cereal. Another final example I would like to give shows how certain foods can actually take the place of over-the-counter supplements and at the same time be much more healthful. I have seen patients in the past who have had recent surgery and complain of constipation following anesthesia. I also see patients with chronic low back pain who are aggravated with constipation due to pain medications. Constipation can actually aggravate low back pain, and low back pain can actually create more constipation due to muscle guarding and spasm through the pelvis. Many times I hear patients talking about using many different over-the-counter laxatives. Intestinal health is important for many conditions, not only these listed above. There is a simple way to ensure constipation is not a problem. Dried plums or prunes carry an extraordinary amount of nutrients, bite for bite, as compared to any other fruit. Often they contain 10 to 15 times the amount of certain vitamins as compared to their counterparts. At the same time prunes have plenty of fiber and are known to aid with constipation. This is one food that I would not recommend eating several times a day, however, when needed it is a healthy alternative to taking over-the-counter medications. When used judiciously prunes can be used routinely to insure intestinal health.

Portion size is the one area that nearly everyone can learn to improve. As a society we are nearly obsessed with getting more for our money. It is quantity rather than quality. The best example of this is obviously super sized meals at nearly every fast food restaurant. Aside from super, serving sizes have changed almost without our realizing. The average soda is bigger, as are the French fry containers. What was a large 10 or 20 years ago is barely a medium today. Appetizers in most restaurants are a meal all by themselves. All You Can Eat buffets are another huge issue in our society. Again it is quantity over quality. Buffets should be outlawed. Go to a web site: www.smallstep.gov and click on step 1 then control portion sizes and look at Portion Distortion 1 & 2.

There are unlimited examples of what can be done to address portion control. Do not fill your plate to full or overflowing. We tend to clean our plates, so use smaller plates and glasses. Blue colored plates have been shown to reduce appetite as opposed to red, yellow or orange which stimulate appetite. This is why everything from paint and furniture to the wrappers the food comes in are red, yellow and orange. Do not take portions bigger than what would fill the palm of your hand. If you want an appetizer, make it your entrée. Split an entrée with someone. Avoid all-you-can eat buffets and never super size. If you do ever super size, you should be splitting it with someone. Pack your own lunch for work to control portion size. It has been shown in the laboratory that mice who ate one-third the calories as opposed to mice who were allowed to eat unrestricted lived up to 50% longer.

Frequency has to do with the number of times a day you eat. Eating three times a day is not necessarily the healthiest schedule for everyone. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were organized by society rather than nature. We are by nature hunters and gatherers. Rarely would you find a five course meal in nature. Grazing would probably be a better term for the natural way people should eat. Taking a normal amount of food for breakfast and spreading it into midmorning will keep hunger away and keep your metabolism up. This can also be done with lunch and dinner; however, it can be implemented with one meal initially. Progress as you can, based on your schedule and access to food. Keep lightly or unsalted mixed nuts, raisins, sunflower seeds, or whole wheat crackers in your desk. Just eat a few, not an entire bag. Keep a bag of frozen mixed fruit which can be easily thawed in a microwave for a mid-afternoon snack. Raw vegetable and hummus make great snacks for grazing.

Education is the responsibility of each person to find out what he or she is eating. Read labels for contents. You will be surprised when you read labels of foods you assumed were healthy and find them to be high in sugar, trans fat, salt or just total calories. Learn things, like walnuts have Omega 3 which can be eaten as a substitute for fish. Learn that almonds and broccoli have calcium for your bones. Learn that fiber and skim milk can help you lose weight. Understand that a little coffee can help fight cancer while excess coffee is linked to heart attack and stroke. Take a cooking class to learn how to prepare meals that are healthier. Talk to a dietitian about specific diets for certain medical conditions. I personally feel dieticians are one of our most underutilized and most valuable resources. Go to websites or buy books to learn more. (See references)

HYDRATION

Juan Ponce de Leon was searching for the fountain of youth and to his knowledge never found it. Science has uncovered that it was right in front of him all of the time. Water is truly the key to a healthy, youthful body. Everyone has heard that water makes up 60 % of the human body, but not everyone understands its roll. This is possibly the simplest area to change in your diet that could make a big difference in your health. I see so many patients who do not drink any water to speak of. It aids so many systems in the body; it is a foundation to better health.

What does water do in the body?

• Water is needed in every system of the body for normal function.

• Water carries food and oxygen to cells of the body.

• Water clears impurities and waste materials that tax the kidneys and liver. (flush out the filters)

• Water greases the joints and fills spinal discs.

• Water moistens tissues of the eyes, nose, throat and mouth.

• Water helps to breakdown food into nutrients for the body's use.

• Water aids bowel function, which becomes very important in high fiber healthy diets.

• Water fills body spaces to protect, support and insulate.

• Water helps to regulate circulation.

The proper amount of water needed varies among individuals. It has been recommended that a person drink eight, 8 ounce cups of water per day. This is a good start. If a person is active in exercise or physical labor he or she will require more. With warmer weather or work environments even more water is required. Waiting until you are thirsty is not always a good idea. Performance in athletes has been shown to decline before the urge to drink is signaled. As we age the ability to sense thirst and the body's need to drink diminishes. This is why so many elderly folks end up hospitalized due to complications of dehydration. Other factors that affect hydration are caffeine and nicotine. Excessive caffeine use, greater than two 8 ounce cups of coffee or two 12 ounce sodas, may begin to contribute to dehydration. In excess, caffeine's effect as a diuretic becomes more pronounced. Smoking cigarettes has a negative effect on hydration through the circulatory system. Smoking breaks down the microcirculation of the body, causing dehydration. We will discuss this further under the smoking section.

Explaining Free Radicals and Antioxidants

Free radicals have been linked to cell and DNA damage which in turn create such issues as cancer and aging. Free radicals contribute to aging effects including: atherosclerosis, stroke, hypertension, diabetes, Parkinson's and even Alzheimer's. To understand free radicals and antioxidants we will over-simplify some cell biology. Cells are made up of molecule;, each molecule is made of atoms connected together by electron bonds. Electrons orbit around the nucleus of each atom which contains protons and neutrons. The number of electrons in the orbiting rings must equal the number of protons in the nucleus to be stable. Two electrons fill the first ring. It takes eight electrons to fill the second ring. The outer ring of the atom is the determining factor for chemical reactivity and stability. The atoms often complete their outer ring by sharing (bonding) with other atoms. (Maximum stability)

A free radical is an atom that has split off and has an unstable outer ring. It grabs the first electron it can find. This can set off a chain reaction of electron grabbing that can cause damage to the cell. The cell membrane or the cell's DNA code can become damaged, function poorly or even die. Some of the free radicals are made naturally in the body to fight viruses and bacteria. Environmental factors like pollution, radiation, cigarette smoke, excessive alcohol, herbicides and pesticides can spawn free radicals. Free radicals build up in the body as we age.

Antioxidants neutralize free radicals by donating an electron and stopping this chain of electron stealing. Antioxidants are a unique breed of atom that can be stable in any state of electron numbers. Antioxidants can patrol the cells to stop free radicals. Vitamin A, vitamin E and vitamin C are well-known antioxidants. Polyphenols are also very potent antioxidants. Polyphenols are abundant in coffee and tea. Coffee and teas in moderation have been shown to protect skeletal bone, reproductive system, nervous system and the heart. Coffee and teas may decrease the risk for type 2 diabetes due to their effect on liver biochemistry. They have also been shown to decrease the risk of Parkinson's disease. Pregnant women and people with high blood pressure should not drink more than 2 cups of coffee and tea a day, or better yet stick with decaffeinated. Decaffeinated tea or coffee does not lose its antioxidant potency. I am often asked which tea is the best. Should I drink green tea, black tea, white tea? All teas have great antioxidant values; you should drink the tea that tastes the best to you. Be careful with added sugars, especially the bottled varieties with high fructose corn syrup. Coffee, bold versus mild, also varies in degree of antioxidant potency, but again you should enjoy your coffee and drink the one that tastes best. Again, I would say it is more what you put in the coffee that matters more than which variety you choose. Other antioxidant rich drinks in order of potency are as follows: Pomegranate juice, red wine, Concorde grape, blueberry juice, black cherry, acai juice, cranberry juice, orange juice, iced tea and apple juice. Again, it is much better to eat your fruits and vegetables than to drink them.

A final important note about what we put in our bodies. Many people have grown to rely on ibuprofen and acetaminophen as their drugs of choice for everything from headache to muscle ache and fever. These drugs are modern miracles and of great value. They are, never the less, drugs. With excessive dosing or prolonged use there can be negative effects on the gastrointestinal system as well as the liver. Taking more than the prescribed dosage, or prolonged use over years can lead to these problems. Acetaminophen taken with one or two alcoholic drinks in your system has been linked to severe liver damage. If you have to take excessive doses, or are on these medications for long periods to manage a condition, you should consult with your physician.

EXERCISE

The one hundred thousand dollar question is always, "What is the best exercise for me?" The best answer I can give for that is, "The one that you will do." You should try to fit the exercise to your likes and dislikes as well as your personality. You should enjoy your exercise routine and it should not feel like labor. The level of exercise should be appropriate for your physiological age. When we try to continue pursuing exercises that are beyond what we should attempt we risk injury. For instance, I love to play basketball and racquetball, however, my lower back does not like basketball and my right shoulder no longer cares for racquetball. At one point in my life I decided I would try to run for exercise. However, this caused me to develop tendonitis in the ankle so severe that I was unable to put weight on my foot. At that point I realized running was not my exercise. We have to listen to our body and not continue to pursue activity that will injure it.

On the other side of the coin, we cannot let our circumstances and physiological ages; deter us from exercising at all. Many people like to use old injuries, chronic painful conditions or even their body type as an excuse to avoid exercise. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, ride a bike. If you cannot ride a bike, do leg exercises while sitting in a chair. If you cannot move your legs, use your arms. If you cannot move your arms and legs, tap your fingers and your feet. There are actually studies to show that you can burn significant amounts of calories if you fidget, tap your foot, bounce your leg or your hand while watching TV or working at a desk.

Another question is often, "How much exercise should I be doing?" The textbook answer is 30 minutes to 60 minutes of moderate exercise daily. This is somewhat misleading. The statement sounds very exact and somewhat rigid. I would suggest that you look at this more as an average and a sum total over time than as a daily mandate. There have been several studies that show breaking the exercise into several smaller sessions throughout the day is just as effective as 30 minutes all at once. I would suggest you can take this one step further to an average of 30 minutes per day over a week. This means if you do an hour one day, 15 minutes another day and no exercise on another it is fine as long as the average is in the neighborhood of 30 minutes per day over the week. I would also like to say that the amount of exercise that is effective depends mostly on from where you are starting. If you are significantly out of shape and deconditioned, any amount of exercise is beneficial. Basically if you have not exercised in years, and you do 3 to 5 minutes one day, you just increased your exercise one hundred percent. That is a great start.

The word exercise also is misleading because it makes us think of a structured program where we have our exercise clothes and tennis shoes on and we are doing a specific program. Maybe a better term would be "unusual activity" rather than exercise. An activity that you do not do every day and that is slightly more strenuous than your normal routine may be a better description. Park as far away from the store as you can and walk to the door as fast as you can. The time it takes to walk the longer distance is about the same as it takes to circle 3 or 4 times to try to get the closest parking spot. Do simple exercise while watching your ball game or movie in the evenings. The old-fashioned calisthenics are as good for you as ever before. Jumping jacks, pushups, stretching and dumbbells can be performed during these times. Remember all the activity is cumulative.

If you are able, you should try to vary the type of exercise you do so that you include strength training, endurance (aerobic) work and flexibility. You do not have to lift weights to bulk up but rather to tone up. Many people, especially women, feel weights are not meant for them. People who are trying to lose weight often think doing aerobic training is the only way to lose weight. Muscle burns energy, and by toning up the muscles you can burn calories faster. Also, on severely restricted diets of less than 1000 calories per day, studies have shown that the body may even start to consume its own muscle mass as a way to make up for the calorie restriction. This can leave a person weak and less apt to exercise or even be as active. Weight training has been shown to be beneficial in women and geriatrics to improve bone density and overall health measures. For aerobics you do not have to run or jump around if you do not feel it is the appropriate level for you. Walking is still one of the best exercises available to the masses, but you have to walk fast enough to get your heart rate above resting levels. Some of my patients do not feel comfortable, especially at first, to walk out in public. Walking around in the house or marching in place works just as well as walking out in public as long as you get your heart rate up and keep track of your steps. Flexibility is very important especially as we age. Many musculoskeletal pains can be linked to muscle imbalance. Falls in the elderly have also been linked to muscle tightness and weakness.

This leads to a discussion about posture. In our society we have a tendency to assume slouching postures that slump the shoulders, collapse the rib cage into the abdomen and pull the head forward. These postures can literally constrict the life force that comes from the organs contained in the chest and abdomen. Cutting off the flow of the lungs, and disrupting circulation and digestion due to these postures can reduce energy and endurance. We must continually fight against these postures by maintaining the chin tucked and head pulled back, pulling the shoulders back and lifting the breastbone towards the sky. These exercises can be done on breaks at work, while driving and during commercials in the evening. Yoga is a great exercise to combine posture and flexibility. Yoga also combines deep breathing which we will discuss later in detail.

Last, but not least, "What is one of the most important muscles that we should exercise?" The answer to this is "your brain." Research has shown that mental exercise improves general health and longevity. There are many examples on many levels that fit into mental exercise. I would suggest first and foremost learning new skills for your career. After that, anything from crossword puzzles and Sudoku to taking a class at the local junior college would be appropriate. You could learn a foreign-language or a musical instrument. Positive attitude has also been linked to longevity. By simply changing how you look at the world you could extend your time in it.

BREATHING

To begin a discussion on breathing you must understand a little about the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system is the part of your peripheral nervous system that controls involuntary, automatic activities of the body. It controls such things as heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, digestion and release of hormones into the body. The autonomic nervous system is divided into two separate and opposing parts. These two subsystems are the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system increases these involuntary functions, while the parasympathetic decreases activity. The sympathetic nervous system kicks in under stressful situations, while the parasympathetic is in control during relaxed conditions. Sympathetic nervous system prepares us for the fight or flight response, while the parasympathetic nervous system conserves and restores energy to the body. The sympathetic nervous system increases the heart and respiratory rate, constricts blood vessels, decreases digestive activity, constricts sphincter muscles, and promotes sweating and release of adrenaline. The parasympathetic nervous system counteracts and reverses all of the above. It is easy to see in today's stressful society how the sympathetic nervous system takes over and dominates the parasympathetic system. The sympathetic nervous system was developed through evolution to help us survive the perils of early life. Fighting for our food and our lives took a system that could push us forward under stressful conditions. These events were typically quick episodes that required the sympathetic, fight or flight, system to kick in, take care of business, then recede. The parasympathetic system would then kick in and bring the body back down to its happy place. A typical example might be trying to kill a wild animal for food or running away from a Saber-toothed tiger so we did not become dinner. We needed that burst of energy from the sympathetic system. To aid the fight or flight mechanism, the body would also release Cortisol. Cortisol is the body's natural drug of choice during these times of stress, because in short spurts Cortisol will properly regulate the following; glucose metabolism, blood pressure, insulin release, immune function, inflammatory response and increased pain tolerance. However, in prolonged ongoing doses, Cortisol begins to have a negative impact on the body creating the following: impaired cognitive function, suppressed thyroid function, blood sugar imbalance, decreased bone density, decreased muscle tissue, increased blood pressure, lowered immune response, decreased inflammatory response and increased abdominal fat. As you may already know, abdominal fat is a risk factor linked to heart attacks.

As I have said, this sympathetic, Cortisol enhanced fight or flight system, has worked perfectly over the years of evolution. The quick need for survival situations has gotten us to where we are today. Unfortunately, this fight or flight system does not possess the ability to determine the difference between the stress of a fight with a Saber-toothed tiger and the all day everyday stress we now face in our modern society. The stress we now face in our daily lives is not a quick and done type of stress. Today's stress seems to be a steady roar all day every day. Working double shifts, getting the kids to three different events on a Saturday, and single parenting are just a few of the many stressors I hear patients speak of. The fact that the sympathetic system cannot tell the difference between stressors creates a situation as if the Saber-toothed tiger is on our heels all day every day. This causes the sympathetic system to kick in and stay kicked in. The parasympathetic system does not stand a chance in today's society. Relaxed situations are just too rare. So now the sympathetic, Cortisol enhanced, system becomes like a slow dripping I.V. into our body. Stress hormones build and build to begin the negative effects we listed above.

So what can be done? Luckily, the sympathetic system cannot determine the difference in types of stress it sees. A ten minute exercise session is seen the same as a ten minute wrestle with a Saber-toothed tiger. Exercise is a stressful event to the body and when you stop exercising the body alerts the parasympathetic system that the "fight" is over and returns the body to a relaxed state. This stops the release of stress hormones. This one phenomenon of reversing the stressful state is another argument that even a short bout of physical activity can have a big benefit on reducing stress hormones in the body and improving overall health and wellness.

What if you simply do not have time to get the exercise on a particularly stressful day? To restore balance in the sympathetic nervous system and reduce the effects of stress on the body, deep diaphragmatic breathing is performed. Sit or lay back with one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Take a long, slow, deep breath in through your nose. Try to breathe into the hand on your stomach as if filling a beach ball in your belly. Constrict your throat slightly so the breath makes a sound like the wind in your throat. Hold the breath 3 to 6 seconds as able. Then let the air out through your mouth as if blowing through a straw. Make sure to release all of the air. Hold your breath 3 to 6 seconds as able and repeat the process. Depending on your physical condition and breathing capacity, you can start with 1 minute to 5 minutes and slowly increase your time as able to as much as 10 or 20 minutes. This can become a basic form of meditation as you focus your attention solely on your breath. If you have a respiratory/ breathing condition do NOT do this or any exercise without your doctor's approval. This is only one of several types of breathing exercises, and there are several good books on the topic. (See reference)

Deep breathing in and of itself is a benefit. Endurance activities such as long distance running are partly beneficial due to the deep breathing that is part of the overall exercise response. So even if you cannot physically perform endurance activity, you can gain benefits from simulating the breathing it causes. This is also a good place to discuss Yoga, as it also utilizes deep breathing to attain results. Yoga also uses different positions or poses to lengthen certain body parts and related muscles. You do not have to be freakishly limber to perform yoga. The poses can be modified to each individual body type and physical capacity. Some poses can challenge a person's strength as well as endurance. Posture, which we discussed earlier, is also benefited. This one form of exercise can cover most of the exercise needs we have discussed. I think many Americans think of yoga as some sort of religion or meditative state that does not appeal to our western cultural beliefs. Our culture has done its best to separate the physical body and spirituality. This should not deter someone from trying yoga as an exercise. The spiritual aspect of yoga can also be tailored to the individuals' comfort level. Again, there are many good books and videos to get you started at home. Many communities have classes as well.

SMOKING

Smoking is obviously detrimental to longevity. The effect it has on the lungs has been well known for years. Its negative effect on breathing affects everything we just discussed. Another aspect of smoking that is not as well known to the general public is its effect on circulation. The circulatory system is such that the larger arteries and veins transport blood through the body. As the blood moves into specific tissues of the body, it is carried in smaller and smaller arteries and veins until they are so small that only a single blood cell can squeeze through. This system of small arteries is called the capillary system. The lining of these extremely small capillaries is very thin so that the blood cells and the tissues it supplies can exchange nutrients and waste respectively. This is the point at which exchange of fluid, oxygen and nutrients to the tissue and release of waste from the tissue, including carbon dioxide, takes place. These small and thin capillaries are very fragile to the effects of smoking. If the microcirculation of the body is destroyed by smoking, then this exchange of nutrients and waste products cannot take place. Smoking causes a build up of waste products and prevents hydration, oxygenation and nutrition to the tissues of every system in the body. These deprived tissues become unhealthy very quickly. The muscle fiber becomes stiff and weak. The nerve fiber builds up waste causing inflammation and irritation. Discs in the spine deteriorate, and cartilage gets dried and brittle. Even the skin can lose elasticity and begin to wrinkle. I have started to see a trend in my therapy practice in which surgeons will not perform surgeries until the patient stops smoking. The surgeon understands that the chances of a failed surgery are significantly higher in someone with a compromised capillary system. This holds true even with injuries. If you smoke and the capillary system has broken down, a simple sprain or strain will not heal as easily. The otherwise simple injury does not heal, and a chronic problem develops. Anyone who thinks smoking only affects the lungs is sadly mistaken.

SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Americans are sleep deprived. In our nonstop lives, it seems the only solution is to get less sleep so we can cram more into our day. Most people feel it does not bother them to get less sleep. "Give me 5 or 6 hours of sleep and I'm good." Unfortunately, you may be good, but your body is not. We require 7 to 8 hours to recharge. Sleep deprivation can also set off a downward spiral of caffeine abuse which can feed nicotine use, poor eating habits, mental dulling, fatigue and decreased desire to participate in any form of exercise. This cycle needs to be addressed. There are many helpful tips that can be found on the topic of sleep hygiene, but if you struggle with getting restful sleep see your physician for a more detailed assessment of the problem.

Finally, LAUGH as often as you can. Studies have shown laughter has the ability to reduce stress hormones, improve mood, enhance creativity, reduce pain, boost immunity and decrease blood pressure. There is nothing wrong with taking your work or certain issues seriously, but do not take yourself so seriously. Let your guard down. Be silly with your kids and teach them to laugh. Watch a comedy movie. Tell a joke; it will not kill you, but not telling it might. I would like to say something more about Dave Letterman. I have watched the Lettermen show since I was in college. Unfortunately, I have had times in my life when I was too busy to watch. I will go extended periods without catching the show. Dave makes me laugh and smile. I connect with his sarcasm and self-deprecation. Dave also has unbelievable public speaking skills. He holds the audience in the palm of his hands during the monologue each night. It is a thing of beauty. I literally internalize his humor, and it makes me a better person. It takes me back to my younger years when fun was at a premium and worries were few. For another great example of a talk show host making people better, look at the Ellen DeGeneres show. We watch this in my physical therapy clinic each day. If you need lessons on how to be silly, have fun and, of course, dance in your life, look no further. Whether it is Letterman, Ellen, Leno, Stewart or any other host, they connect us to our inner laughter, art and even our political thinking. Thank goodness for the DVR.

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Chapter 4

THE SPIRIT SYSTEM

"How do I know the ways of all things.... I look inside myself and see what is within me."

Lau Tzu

When we start to talk about Spirit many think we are speaking of religion. Religion is tied to a group or a church, which is not what I will be talking about. Spirit is, as Lau Tzu says, "within." Religion and church may help, or in some instances may actually hurt the personal development of your own spirit. Do not jump too far when I say church may hurt the development of your spirit. All three of my kids went to parochial schools, and I have been seen in church. Anyone who has spent much time around a congregation will admit that there are a few who seem to feel the act of showing up to the church building on a regular basis exempts them from any further obligation to act in a spiritual manner. I am not against organized religion, but like anything else, you get out what you put in. What we call Spirit may vary from person to person. God, life force, energy, Chi, enlightenment, you name it, that flows from within us. My definition of spirit is not as important as your definition of spirit. If we are brave enough to look deep enough we can find the answers. There is a universal truth within us. We know right from wrong. We know how to treat our neighbor, not to cheat, not to steal etc. We do not need to seek these answers outside ourselves but look within.

Listen to Your Inner Voice

For some reason in our society we have placed the personal opinions of others ahead of what we know down deep inside ourselves. What I think of you or what I think of myself should not come before what each of us knows down deep. Personal opinions should not matter, people should matter. Most of the time, we misinterpret, and exaggerate, the opinions of others have of us. We often make up in our heads what others think of us. If someone does not speak to us right away we assume they think they are better than us, when it is just as likely that they feel nervous, shy or even inferior. The defenses we throw up only make the situation worse.

Listening to others' opinions can be a virtue as a learning experience, but these opinions can never tell you who you are. The ability to listen to the thoughts and ideas of others as if they were gospel is a gift. This is not listening to believe every word or to agree or disagree. Just ponder and retain those ideas which fit your ideals, and let those that do not fit fall away. The unfortunate thing is we do not listen; we hear half of what is said and build walls as a means of defense from an imagined energy.

At the same time, listening to others and following their opinion without comparing to your inner guide is a mistake. In the movie Raging Bull, Robert De Niro's character, Jake LaMotta, is portrayed as an animal. Even with this low level of social grace he still knows right from wrong. Jake tries to maintain his moral standards but feels he cannot overcome the mob (society), so he gives in and takes a dive. From that moment he realizes he is on a downward slide. He becomes "a bum" because he has compromised his morals and gone against his spirit. I would not argue that everyone's Spirit is at the same level of moral and ethical standards, but there is a level in everyone that tells them when they have followed their spirit and when they have not. If you can follow your spirit you will grow. If you go against it you will suffer. I was once told that you do not have to live with other people but we do have to live with ourselves. It is those who deep down cannot live with themselves that are miserable.

Wisdom Builds In Small Doses

It is not just the knowing deep inside what is right and what is wrong, or knowing deep down you should follow this path rather than that path. It is acting on that knowledge for the good of society, not just the individual. Carry that inner knowing with you. Protect it and keep it safe all your life. Again, call it what you like: karma, intuition, charmed or positive energy. As you pass through the stages of life it will serve you well. You will make mistakes. This is how we "live and learn." This is progress towards wisdom. Some people are able to see a mistake and accept that no one is perfect and strive to do better. There are others who see the mistake as a reflection of who they are. These people see themselves as worthless and incapable of doing better. They beat themselves up or withdraw from life. Some people even get more confused and embrace the mistake as if it defines them. These people commence to repeat the mistake and similar mistakes over and over.

Here is a simple story of this inner guide. A young, very poor college kid, still learning to trust his inner spirit, was standing in a crowded bar. The place was packed elbow to elbow and five deep to get a drink at the bar. A middle-aged gentleman in a stylish suit stood in front of the young college student. As the man was turning back-and-forth talking to friends, he dropped something and turned away unknowing. It was so crowded no one else seemed to notice either. The young college student bent over and picked up the hundred dollar bill the man had dropped and tapped the stylish, middle-age man on the shoulder. He returned the money instinctively, without a thought. He heard his inner voice. He did the right thing. How easy would it have been for the young man to just keep the money? He could easily justify his action with anything from "finders' keepers," to "the rich old guy was probably a smart ass anyway," to quote Holden Caulfield.

What if the college kid had kept the hundred dollar bill? What would happen? That inner spirit does not like to be overridden. The inner spirit would begin gnawing at the young man. It would gnaw at him as he spent the older gentleman's money. It would gnaw at him when he thought of that evening. Even when the young man quit thinking of the actual event it would gnaw at him. Even the simplest reminder of the event might create flashbacks of uneasiness.

Sometimes in life we give the hundred dollars back and sometimes we do not. This does not mean we are bad. It just means we are not perfect. Either way we have an opportunity to learn about our inner spirit, our authentic self. We can build and strengthen the inner spirit. If we give back the hundred dollar bill, we can take pride in knowing the inner spirit has guided us. If we do not give back the hundred dollar bill and we get that gnawing guilt pang, we can take heart that our inner spirit is alive and kicking. Learn to move on. It is when we beat ourselves up over it, or identify with it, or even identify with a group that thinks it is cool to not give back the hundred dollar bill that we suffer. We can over-identify with the act rather than the lesson to be learned from the inner spirit.

Wisdom is Where You Find It

We look for and expect perfection in all sorts of people. We look for it in people who give us advice or counsel, celebrities and even each other. Less than perfect people can do perfect things. If you expect perfection in yourself and others, you will often be disappointed. Young people are not often taught to listen and trust the inner spirit. We assume they are not smart enough to guide themselves. Oftentimes they are actually discouraged from listening to the inner spirit. They are told by intelligent adults (authorities) that they are not good enough. They are told they will never amount to anything. They are told they are not smart enough or talented enough. These things do get internalized, but they can never penetrate the inner spirit. If this negative barrage is heavy enough, it can cover and surround the inner spirit to the point that it is nearly smothered. However, the inner spirit can never be extinguished until the day we die. There is always a burning ember that can catch fire when it is given even the slightest breath of air.

Here is an idea that struck me as I was holding our dog one evening: why don't we talk to our kids like we talk to our dogs? I was praising our dog telling her how pretty she is, how smart she is, how much joy she brings to our family, how lucky we are to have her, on and on. I realized we do not even talk to our kids this way most of the time. Why not? All it takes is that one teacher, parent, aunt, uncle, neighbor that fans the inner spirit. "You are good," and that is all it takes. We need to realize, even when we say things out of love to our teenagers, that their brains receive this information differently. They are constantly examining and testing their inner spirit. "Who am I?" "What should I do?" "The cool kids are doing it, should I?" Even when we say something to help guide their inner spirit they can come off as, "You are not smart enough so I will tell you." "You cannot govern yourself; I'll do it for you." Instead of lecturing a teen we need to encourage them to listen to that inner spirit. You do not have to call it inner spirit. "What does your gut tell you is right?" "Down deep what do you feel like you should do?" Tell them not to worry about what others would want them or encourage them to do. Tell them to do what they feel his right. We can certainly help to pointing to past experiences or to role models. Coach them to the answer; do not tell them the answer. Telling them usually only meets with resistance and leads to conflict. Trust their inner spirit, and if that does not work lock them in their room. I am just kidding. They will come to the right decision.

Once a person learns to listen to that inner spirit guide rather than the friendly, familiar voice that society has placed on us there is no limit to the possibilities. Society tells us, you should do this or act like this. Look deeper and be what you are meant to be. Many may argue that this sentiment is easy for some because they have money or a more supportive family. "You have everything; it is easy for you." This is another rationalization. One could even turn this argument around. Perhaps the more money and support people have the less motivated they will become. Why try if everything is easy to come by? These people may be comfortable but not fulfilled because they are not seeking the inner spirit path. There are also many stories of people who came from horrible situations in life and remain true to their inner spirit. As I am writing this the story of Hillary Clinton's mother is on the news. Read about these people who have triumphed over hardship. This can inspire you to do the same.

There are so many ways adults can have positive effects on the spirit of children. When I was in seventh grade, I was a pretty good basketball player. I loved to play even though I was slightly under sized on the floor. There was a father of one of my teammates who was a very stoic gentleman. Serious as a heart attack, I believe was a saying that would fit. He was a police officer and a strict disciplinarian. I grew up around his family and do not recall, to that point, ever having spoken more than a few words between us. Towards the end of my seventh-grade season he cornered me and proceeded to tell me, nearly lecture me, about the fact that I had potential. He told me that if I worked hard, by the next season I could be the best player on the team. Kids are impressionable and I believed him. Luckily, I also had a coach who inspired me as well, and by the end of my eighth grade season I was awarded the most valuable player award along with a defensive player of the year award. Now, before you run off to Google my basketball exploits, let me tell you that that was the peak of my career. What a peak it was for me. The boost that this gentleman and my coach gave my inner spirit is immeasurable, even to this day. I do not know if this gentleman knew what he had done, or if he was ever able to do the same for his own kids. I never got a chance to thank him personally but I think that is one reason why I feel so strongly about talking to others about finding and growing their inner spirit.

Do Not Create Inner Conflict

Connect your actions to your inner spirit. So many times we get away with doing things that are poorly connected or not connected to our inner spirit. Other than a slight uneasiness, nothing negative ever really comes of it. There is no major initial impact to our lives. We get away with it, so to speak. We seem to learn by reward and punishment. So when we cheat someone in a business deal and get away with it, it seems easy to do something similar again. However, this is only in the external world. The inner world takes notice and begins the nearly imperceptible gnawing down deep. If you are poorly connected to your inner spirit, the gnawing can remain very faint, yet nearly debilitating, for many years. It may grow stronger with time as you do more and more things that are poorly connected to your true inner spirit. The gnawing will eventually get your attention. It can nearly drive you crazy. The interesting thing is that even when it gets this strong, if you are still poorly connected to your inner spirit, you will probably not recognize where it is coming from. You may blame your job, your spouse, even the kids or the neighbors. We like to focus the blame externally. "It couldn't be me." This may lead to more actions like drinking excessively, cheating on your spouse, yelling at the kids, or fighting with the neighbors that again are actions not connected to the inner spirit. Can anyone "say downward spiral?"

You have to start making that connection between your actions and your inner spirit. Realize it does not matter what the outcome of your action is in the external world but rather how it fits within the internal world and standards you have set. You can try to fool yourself, but it does not work. You learn as a kid that it is not right to cheat at the game and that is stuck inside you forever. So when you cheat, it gnaws. Your current situation and your friends tell you this is important. Your family tells you this is the way it needs to be. The television bombards you with this status symbol or that "hurdle lowering product." The news shows you others cheating, including government officials and our heroes. At the end of it all, it is all you alone. You have to take all the information and hold it up to the light that is burning deep within you and make the best call you can make. This is truly the competition within.

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Chapter 5

THE COMPETITION WITHIN

"Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself."

Louis McMaster Bujold

Many of us focus on the external when the authentic way to live is by looking internally. We seek to compete with others. We compete with the neighbors or the guy in the next cubicle at work or even our spouse. Society focuses us this way. Commercials rely on this competition to keep us buying. What we really must do is compete within ourselves. Money is society's usual measuring stick of success. My brother is very successful as a television writer. He makes lots of money. I feel as though I am very successful. I do not make a lot of money. How could I feel successful? Two reasons: One, I don't measure success by money and two; I do not compete comparing myself to others but rather by comparing myself to my potential and my inner guide. I am very proud of my brother and what he has accomplished, but is he successful? Most would say yes, based on his position and income. However, he is the only one who can say if he is or is not successful. Has he met all of his inner expectations and goals? That is his true measure of success, not the position or the income. I would suggest that if you compete with your potential you will reach your best position and income level. This is not necessarily high position or high income, but comfortable, and what best suits your life. Not everyone is meant to make a fortune or have celebrity. Often, the more you have the more you have to worry about. Being a successful stockbroker is a lofty position in our society and potentially a large income. I would be miserable being a stockbroker. My hair would and I would not be able to sleep at night. It has to fit your potential not someone else's. You cannot do it just for the status or the money.

Compare to Your Potential

How ridiculous it would be for me to measure my success based on where my brother is in his life. My brother and I do not have the same skills and abilities, so how could we possibly compare? He is a gifted artist and uses his right brain. I am so left brain dominant I am surprised my skull is not bulged on that side. However, people do this all day long. They compare their personal success with others. Let us try this: compare me to Michael Jordan, me compared to Bill Gates, me compared to Donald Trump, me compared to Jack Nicholson. This is ridiculous. These people are extraordinary athletes, businessmen, thinkers and actors. By the way, the actor is Jack Nicholson, not Donald Trump. It seems obvious that these comparisons are ridiculous, but it makes no more sense for us to compare ourselves to others around us. Comparing ourselves to those around us trivializes our personal value and our individualism. Remember what others do in life does not take away anything from anyone else. If you become more, it does not make me less.

When our society puts lofty status on our athletes, actors and the super rich or super beautiful, we trivialize ourselves as well. The majority of people do not fall into any of these categories. Everyone honestly has potential for greatness. Maybe that potential is to be a great parent. Perhaps that potential is to be a great accountant. Maybe that potential is to be a great teacher, book writer, dress designer, etc. That potential is within you, and you must focus on that. You cannot focus on the neighbor, the people at the club or on television. We all have different mental, physical and spiritual skills. Our priorities have been set internally, and we must recognize them and follow them or become miserable.

Society has trained us to look outside ourselves to evaluate how we are doing. This is a no-win situation. There is always someone better off if you are using societal standards to evaluate your personal situation. Society has also trained us to look externally to then make excuses for why we did not measure up to the ridiculous standards set by society. I believe this is one reason for frivolous lawsuits. There are people who sue McDonalds because they are overweight. I am sure everyone is familiar with a Worker's Compensation claim that was less than 100% fact based. There is research to suggest that these claims are usually associated with people who are dissatisfied with their current working environment or situation. There is an entire industry of lawyers who use this to their advantage. You cannot watch TV for more than five minutes without seeing an ad for someone you can sue for your problems.

Do Not Get Distracted From Reality

We like to blame others for our condition in life. This only ensures that nothing will ever change in our life. How can we ever get others to change? It just does not happen. In the lawsuit examples, the money takes the sting off of reality for a short while, but the reality will soon return. The situation is still that you are overweight, or you still do not like your job, and the cycle continues.

People spend countless hours watching reality television even though there is nothing real about reality television. It is edited and scripted as much or more than any other show. It is made to be more exciting than reality itself. We eat it up looking for that escape or that fantasy. It is for entertainment purposes only, but we get caught up. Even the 6 o'clock news has a spin to it that distorts reality. The only true reality is what is inside of you. The way reality shows, and even the evening news, make celebrities of people is an amazing process. This is not to be confused with the terms actor, actress, entertainer, athlete, musician or singer but "celebrity." A celebrity is defined by Wikipedia as a person who is famously recognized in a society or culture. It goes on to say the insatiable public fascination for celebrities and appetite for celebrity gossip has seen a rise of the gossip columnists, tabloid, paparazzi, and celebrity blogging. Marlin Brando, Jack Nicholson, Betty Davis, Tom Hanks.... please fill in with your favorite actor, actress or singer. All of these people should be congratulated and appreciated for their talents and skills. However, they are just people like you and I. We change these people into celebrity idols in our collective minds. This is when looking externally becomes a mob action. Even worse is when we create celebrities out of the average, infamous and notorious of our society. Though there are many examples of this, the one that sticks in my mind currently is the choice to place Rod Blagojevich on the Celebrity Apprentice. This gentleman is accused of committing crimes against an entire state and is given the opportunity to become "a celebrity." Not to date myself, but I believe the term is "jumping the shark," which was introduced by a gentleman named Jon Hein back in the mid 80's. I have always loved this term, and I believe it points squarely at how ridiculous not only TV shows can be, but even life itself. When we get so engrossed and focused on the celebrity of others we lose ourselves and lose touch with the reality of our inner selves. Going back to the concept of being completely objective with yourself becomes difficult when you have such a distortion of reality. To me, watching "reality TV" only distorts the concept of reality further. So not only do we not focus on inner reality, the outward reality is severely distorted. Nothing good can come from comparing one's self to a distorted reality.

The reaction of some celebrities is equally as interesting in that it can go several ways. Celebrities may begin to look externally as they see society throwing this upon them. They start to believe it "I am bigger than life," or "I am more important than the ordinary man or woman." We have already discussed a couple of examples of this type of mentality. Celebrities may also start to look internally and realize they are just a person doing the best they can to realize their own expectations. The celebrities are often humble and realize they are blessed. Fortunately, there are many of these celebrities in our society as well. These particular celebrities usually appear to be very well-adjusted and down to earth. Another way this can go is that celebrities look internally and do not see the connection of the celebrity state to their inner selves. This disconnect can often turn into self abuse, including drugs and alcohol. We seem to be seeing more and more of this in the news.

The only reality is what is inside of you. This is never proven more completely than with alcohol or drug addicts. They have had the perception of their inner self so distorted they are willing to destroy themselves. They cannot see the reality inside of them. The conflict between what they have been made to believe and what their inner spirit knows creates such a conflict that they have to escape through drugs and alcohol. It is truly a false reality that they are not good enough. They no longer see the reality of that innate good person. I once heard a gentleman talking about Alcoholics Anonymous on the radio. His description of alcoholism was, and I quote, "Alcoholism is a physical addiction causing a mental state to deal with a spiritual condition."

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Chapter 6

ENLIGHTENMENT

"Not creating delusions is enlightenment."

Bodhidharma

What is enlightenment? It is often discussed as a state of being that is calm, relaxed and blissful. I believe that this type of enlightenment is attained when you can get to that inner place and rest there. This is hard for many of us, even through practicing meditation, relaxation or prayer. This is because we struggle to find this place, much less rest there. I would like to propose another definition that I think will help you find that inner place first. Then you can practice resting there. My definition of enlightenment would be when people recognizes or realizes (have a gut feeling) that they are doing what they came here to do and are learning what they came here to learn. If you can get this while you are still upright and walking you will be truly blessed. Unfortunately I think many people are enlightened in their last days or even minutes of their lives. They recognize what was truly important at the last chance and for those people I am truly sorry.

I know I am here to help others. I know I have done that through physical therapy. I also know I came here to learn that there is more to it than the physical body. I also know that I am supposed to try to convey what I am learning to others. I am still working on all of these areas. It would have been easier for me to not write this book. I can think of a million reasons, "rationalizations," why I should not. I have had to fight these thoughts off like an invading army at times. When you know in your gut this is what you are here to do, you can not create enough delusions to stop yourself. You continue on your path. Motivation is no longer an issue. There is a great book called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield that speaks to this inner battle.

Let me give a personal example of a way a person might delude himself or herself. I once applied for a faculty position at a university to teach physical therapy and was flatly denied. The university had a policy to only hire Ph.D.'s for the position. I have a clinical doctorate, so I was technically not qualified for their position. I could have gotten angry at the University and carried that with me forever. I could have pointed blame at the university staff for their ignorance and stupidity. I could have internalized that anger for years. This would not have changed the university's policy, and it certainly would not have carried me on my path. I believe that occurred so I could keep doing this. I could have also been mad at myself for not getting the required degree. I could have internalized thoughts of my ignorance and my stupidity for making the wrong decision on which degree to obtain. Again, holding this against myself would not have moved me forward on my path. On examination I realized that I made a conscious choice to get a clinical doctorate to make me a better clinician for my patients, and I take pride in that decision. It is the pride that I take in that decision that has benefited my patients and me. That I internalize. If I had truly thought I had made a mistake, I would have gone back to school and gotten another degree. That was not my path. What I am saying is, I cannot attain the Ph.D. they required because it was not in me. It was not my path.

The "Light" in Enlightenment is Within You

People often attempt to find enlightenment by going to church. I personally have nothing against organized religion, and I am sure that many people have found their path while being involved in a religious organization. With that said, I do not believe this is what is required to find enlightenment. I do think that one should practice self-study and self-interpretation of his or her higher power. You do not need someone else to tell you your path. You will not find it in a building somewhere in your neighborhood. It is somewhere deep inside of you.

People wonder what kind of writing and speaking I do. Is it religious or motivational? I would prefer to call it "wellness coaching." Religion is something that is taught based on the text or a written guide. Religion is typically group based, and the ideas are interpreted by someone else for you. While what I am writing about may touch on similar topics, there is no one script. As a matter of fact, there are as many scripts as there are people. Everyone is different. We all carry ideas, virtues, talents and experiences that are different from everyone else. By looking within ourselves and working on the competition inside each of us, the interpretation should be slightly different for each individual. I am not trying to tell anyone how to live his or her life. I am not trying to tell them what is right or wrong. This is up to the individual. All I am saying is look within to find these answers, and as you look within, do not be blinded by the delusions we place upon ourselves and society places on us. These delusions only cover the inner you and your path to enlightenment.

There are many great sages who have found enlightenment. I am certainly not one of them, but I am working on it. I am trying to find my path and stay on it. This seems tougher than ever with the daily demands we all face, but we all need to keep trying. I think there is much to be learned from those who have gone before us, but we cannot take their path to enlightenment. You must take the information and apply it to your path. But where do you start?

You will find books on enlightenment that are heavily mired in mental anguish. The authors are much more focused on the mental aspect of shutting down the thoughts that drove them to desperation or even near suicide. Others speak on enlightenment after overcoming severe physical pain or illness. Still others approach the topic from a purely spiritual direction. We can learn volumes from each author's rendition of his or her personal experience, but we must work and apply the knowledge to our own path.

How do you know if you are working in the right area and on your path? The answer is simple. You feel it inside of you. It energizes you when you focus on it. You must let that energy possess you and ignore the clutter. Ignore the distractions.

I am often amazed when I sit down to write a blog post for the web page. It is almost as if someone else is controlling the thoughts and ideas that my hand is putting on the page. I am so energized by what I feel is my purpose that the words seem to pour out. It is even more noticeable when I am speaking about these topics. I can hear myself in a fever nearly preaching, and I am thinking to myself as the words are coming out, "Wow what is all this?" The enthusiasm and energy just amazes me. The paths to enlightenment are varied. It may appear to change as we change. As we become more enlightened in one area, the path may seem to change. I do not know that the path truly changes or that it just becomes more in focus and more clear. The path is also never-ending. Those authors who speak of brilliant flashes of enlightenment following major tragedy or stress give us dramatic examples to help guide us and give us hope. For most people enlightenment will come much slower, and we will move to each level of enlightenment at our own pace. Enlightenment may come in certain areas of our lives faster than others. A person may feel more enlightenment in relationships while less so in his or her work. Enlightenment may initially focus more on the self and progress to mankind in general. Those who dedicate themselves to the good of mankind are well on their way to enlightenment. Focus within is not about being selfish, but rather on your way in life. It tends to lead one to ponder what is right and what is wrong for the common good. It is as if the more you focus inward, the more you can focus on others. We often loose sight of this focus on the common good, and it creates considerable uneasiness within us.

Spark That Feeling

The simplest example of this type of "being in touch" with this universal spirit comes from my dad. My dad was raised in a time when society, but men especially, did not show their emotions. My dad was a hard worker and took great care of our family. He was a bit stoic with my brother and me. This cool exterior would melt away like Jell-O on a hot summer day when there were small children, and especially a baby, around. I think children and babies are the purest form of this inner spirit. Their spirit is open to the world and has not been encumbered by society. We recognize this inner spirit and it connects to ours and in truth is just a continuation of our inner spirit. I believe this is also the strong bond many of us have with animals. It is their pure spirit we connect to. Unfortunately, in life as we "grow up" this inner spirit often gets suppressed and begins to fade. The good news is the inner spirit can never be completely diminished. There is always a smoldering ember buried inside. It can be fanned into a flame by love, affection, caring or even a renewed interest or focus. Working with young children or animals can reignite that flame.

It has been said that love and joy can be found "whenever a gap in the thought occurs." This promotes the belief that one must be so in tune to the inner self that his or her consciousness in able to detect and hold onto a gap between the minds' nonstop thinking. Mastering the meditation level to be able to quiet the mind to this level is certainly desirable, but takes discipline and dedication. However, love and joy can also be appreciated by smiling and looking into someone's eyes and saying, "how are you doing." Love and joy can be found by giving to someone who cannot give back. It can be found by focusing inward and remembering these good deeds. Love and joy may be found simply by being in the presence of someone special to you. However, if these moments are not recognized and appreciated, they are lost.

Find the Silver Lining

We must recognize and appreciate these moments in our lives. We must internalize the positives. These give you energy for life. Remember the System Interdependence rings we discussed earlier. Internalizing the negatives will drain the life force. It is like a car battery being drained. If you want to start on those cold bleak days you must recognize and internalize the positives. Try to find the positive in even the worst of situations. In today's fast-paced society it is so easy to be distracted from the simple energizing events. Sometimes we do not recognize and internalize these events because we do not feel worthy. We all crave love and acceptance; however, before you can receive that from others you must love and accept you. This may mean accepting you are not perfect or accepting an unfortunate situation in your life. Until we love and accept ourselves and our lives, we do not feel worthy of the love and acceptance of others. The joy and love is lost.

I have had friends and acquaintances who have had an occasion to lie, cheat, steal, or use drugs or alcohol excessively. In this same group of people I have seen unbelievable love and devotion to a parent or spouse. The same people have love for their children or are devoted to a family member in need. I have seen these people love and laugh until they have cried. The same people are capable of devotion to others to the point that they would do anything at the drop of a hat. I have seen them do incredible work and take great pride in doing so. I have seen them display loyalty and compassion beyond belief. We are all imperfect, and we all deserve love and acceptance.

When Your Inner Light Begins to Shine

All good comes from this path within. Brilliant ideas and creativity arise from this center within each of us. When you understand yourself from within and are completely comfortable with that inner path, jealousy and envy fall away. Anything that someone else possesses obtains or does has little or nothing to do with your inner path. When you become overwhelmed with life, it is as if there has been a wet blanket thrown over this inner path. We need to appreciate the things that we have and not focus on the things we do not have in life. Friends, family and an honest day of work should mean more to us than anything else.

Society has changed over the years. I am not sure when we went from the desire to have a comfortable life with a nice modest home, a loving spouse, the proverbial white picket fence and 1.75 kids to, "I want it all. I deserve it all." Now we want the Hummer, swimming pool, more square footage than any family needs and the list goes on. This quest for more stuff becomes the driving force rather than the fire down deep inside. We get lost in the stuff. Worse, we get consumed by our stuff. I was amazed to hear the stories of people who lost everything during the housing collapse. Someone refinanced the entire house with a balloon loan just to put in a pool. Someone took out an interest only loan on a condo because he or she thought they could make a buck. A new car or a huge house does not make a person better or worse, it just exists.

I am not saying that having material items in and of itself is a negative thing. What I am saying is that the focus of desire and energy towards those material items is what is detrimental. If you put your energy into your passion, your inner path, your reason for being, more than likely you will prosper and you will obtain a very comfortable life style. I also think this is the way to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and find true happiness. When the focus is solely on the accumulation of material things, it leaves us unsatisfied no matter how much stuff we accumulate. This form of wealth accumulation is often a temporary thing. The previous example mentioned in Chapter 1 of James Arthur Ray is a good illustration. When the focus shifts from the inner passion, which I have no doubt he started with, to the material passion of money and power things go very wrong. It is also interesting that often the empty feeling that is felt from focusing only on the material things in life causes people to try to accumulate more material items to fill the void. It becomes a vicious cycle. A brilliant speaker, author, philosopher named Wayne Dyer teaches that when you are in alignment with your inner spirit the things you need in life somehow just show up at the exact moment you need them.

There is only so much time and energy available to us for "trying" in our lifetime. We need to use our time and energy for trying to achieve rather than to obtain. You obtain houses, cars, boats, paintings (unless you are the painter), jewelry, shoes, clothes and the list goes on. You achieve patience, understanding, respect for self and others, compassion, caring, empathy and the list goes on. As you achieve you will receive.

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CHAPTER 7

SELF MOTIVATION AND GOAL FINDING

"We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess."

Mark Twain"

Notice I call this goal finding rather than goal setting. These things already exist in us as expectations. The real enlightenment is when you find them, dust them off and begin to cherish them. When you find that thing that you are here to do, you will get that fire in your belly we call self motivation. Many people try to just push themselves day after day with no goal in mind. Eventually they burn out. Some people look to motivational speakers or gurus to get motivated. I am here to tell you this will be temporary at best. Probably disappointing and deflating, it will be a direct road to frustration and even depression when it does not fulfill you. When you follow your inner knowledge to your life's goal, suddenly you feel physically better, you have more energy and you move through your daily routine energized. Remember what we have said about the energy flow between mind, body and spirit. When you release this inner goal it is like freeing a genie from its bottle. The energy that has been buried inside of you like a geyser will erupt and spill into every part of your life.

Keep the Goal Pure

It should be obvious by now, but I will say it anyway. If you think you have discovered your inner goal and it contains within it the desire for fame or fortune, you should keep digging. In its pure form the goal should not be linked to these desires. I am not saying that fame and fortune will not come to you because of your devotion to your inner goal, but the inner goal must stand alone. If it is not something you feel compelled to do even without money or fame tied to it, it cannot sustain you. Disappointment is inevitable if it is linked to money and fame. Usually the disappointment comes early, when people do not see the value in your money and fame goal as you do. Motivation is hard to sustain because it is tied to the fame and fortune. Sometimes disappointment may come later. This is more of a rarity, but sometimes people do see your inner goal as valuable early. When fame and or fortune come quickly it may become overwhelming or you feel you did not earn it, pay your dues, and the inner goal gets lost in the fame and fortune. The inner goal must be something that drives you with or without money and fame. Guard the inner goal and protect it from fame and fortune.

Another pit fall is letting fear or society push you into choosing your goal. Goals chosen for safety or goals others have for you are just as hard to work towards. Let us not forget our prior discussion of objectivity. The goal must be realistic and reachable. This also brings up the stepping stone goals that must align with the larger inner goal. If these goals are not appropriate and attainable, frustration and giving up may follow. This is a crucial area to discuss. I see this many times over and over with patients and clients I work with. Learning to set reasonable goals fits hand in hand with objectivity. If these stepping stone goals are too far out of line and unattainable, frustration sets in and we may give up. There are many books and web pages dedicated to goal setting, and I would encourage everyone to study any and all they feel speaks to them. Many of them are business-based but can be a good starting place. Most at some point will refer to S.M.A.R.T. goal setting, as first described by G.T. Doran, circa 1981. I want to address goal setting in a more general way than these mechanical and often confining methods suggest. Goal setting is part of the overall process which we will outline specifically at the end of the book. Remember, you are not a corporation but a living, breathing, feeling and emotional being.

I do agree with what many resources discuss about the need for a goal to be measurable. What I would say, however, is that the goal can be measured in many different ways. It does not have to be quite as scientific as some may think. It can be something as subjective as a gut feeling that you were right or have made advancement towards a goal. What I mean by this is, if you are gaining on your inner goal you will know if the stepping stone goal is attained. Follow that feeling and believe in yourself enough to trust that gut feeling.

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Goals

The real trick is setting the appropriate goal, and there is some research on this topic that agrees with what we have discussed throughout this book. Intrinsic goals are satisfying and build us up while extrinsic goals leave us flat at best and miserable at worst. Williams et. al. 2000 generally defined intrinsic goals as related to "contribution, affiliation, health and self development." They feel this type of goal orientation promotes the "natural growth tendencies" of the individual. They then define external goals as related to such things as "physical attractiveness, financial success, power and image." They feel this "creates outward orientation." This in turn promotes "interpersonal comparisons" and causes the individual to look for "external signs of self worth." This is why so many people feel as though they are unable to change their own lives because they are using others as the litmus test of successful goal attainment rather than their inner knowledge. The competition is truly in you, not with someone else.

If you judge your physical, mental, spiritual growth or success based on what others think, you set yourself up for failure. This cuts to the heart of a problem that is literally becoming an epidemic. Obesity and exercise are areas that have gotten so far into external goal setting that success is almost impossible. Unrealistic goals based on society's unrealistic expectations create an insurmountable problem. This serves as a great example of how extrinsic goals turn out disappointing and how setting an intrinsic goal would lead to success. It can be applied to all areas of life, not just these two.

Let us dissect this dilemma a little to try to make the point. What is the goal that almost all overweight or obese people choose? I want to lose weight so I can look thinner or something along those lines. This sounds reasonable at first. How would a person measure this goal? I think most look at someone thin and say, that is where I have to get. Even worse, they can now see people who look like them to start to transform in front of them on a television show to where they feel they should be. Both of these goal measurement methods are set up for failure. You must use yourself as the baseline, not another person, society or television. For someone heavy to look like someone thin takes too long, and there is no stepping stone goal. There is no success to be measured, and the person gets discouraged to the point of giving up. For someone heavy to transform like a person on a weight loss television show is unrealistic simply due to resources. The average person cannot commit the time and cannot afford the resources that it takes to make this drastic change in such little time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, but when the weight goal is defined by where someone else already is or what happens to a person on T.V., you set yourself up for failure. Unrealistic, unattainable, extrinsic goals only lead to a feeling of failure.

Compare this to an internal goal that is specific to the individual and set at a stepping stone level that is measurable and attainable. Weight loss or any other life goal must be set based on the individual and measured against that same individual's baseline. A realistic goal of an overweight or obese person might be something as simple as feeling healthier than his or her typical base line. Perhaps walking up a flight of stairs without getting totally winded, walking around the block every day for a week, or even sleeping better would make a great stepping stone goal. These are measurable against the person's baseline and small enough stepping stones to see success. One success builds into the next. It is not measured against anything external to the individual. The best analogy I can give for this is the sharp shooting game at a carnival. The goal of the game is to shoot a gun at a plate, to break it, to try to win a big stuffed animal. The goal is to break the plate. The prize is a big stuffed animal. I would say too many people are shooting at the stuffed animals to try to win the game instead of the plates. Many of you just thought to yourself, "that's ridiculous," but it is no less ridiculous than many of the goals I see people set when it comes to physical, mental and spiritual goals.

Stepping Stones

As a physical therapist all I have done, day in and day out, for the past 25 years is to help people set realistic goals. Every evaluation I write has short term goals, (stepping stone goals), and long term goals, (life goals/ expectations). Just like stepping stones in a river, the main focus should be on the short step to the next rock. If you spend the whole time staring at the bank on the other side, you may just fall in. This process is no different for an orthopedic injury than it is for a physical, mental or spiritual undertaking. It requires an in-depth, objective evaluation of the subject, an assessment of the root problem and then realistic goals are set. After realistic goals are set, it is easy to set a plan that will get us to those goals.

F.I.R.M. Goals

I want to introduce you to F.I.R.M. goals. Why should Mr. Doran be the only one with an acronym? The F. stands for functional. This means the goal helps you be better or do better in life rather than appear better to others. The I. stands for internal, which is the opposite of external which we have discussed. It is worth repeating that external goals like looking better, being rich and powerful are nothing but disappointing. Internal goals like affiliation, contribution, health and self development is where you must focus. The R. stands for reasonable. Reasonable means set yourself up for success. Success begets success. The M. stands for measurable. Again, this needs to be something that is an obvious difference from where you start, but sometimes it is not a number like in business.

Self motivation becomes much easier with these intrinsic, attainable goals. If you have chosen goals that come from within, motivation will usually take care of itself. The fire in your belly will continually percolate to the surface like Old Faithful. If the stepping stone goals are set appropriately, then they will be met. Every time a goal is met, then motivation and confidence builds. New stepping stone goals are set and so on and so on. There are many motivational speakers who are out there speaking and writing and cheering people on. This may help to get you out of a rut or jump start you, but the research shows that this external motivation is very short-lived. So unless you have a lot of time and money to devote to having a motivational coach, I would suggest you find your internal fountain of motivations. Let me give you a simple formula for success.

The Four Ds of Success:

-Definition: define what is truly important to you.

-Desire: find what is burning deep down inside.

-Defend: defend your goal from attack, but not to the point that you are unable to learn insight.

-Dedication: dedicate yourself and your life to seeing things through. Do not be detoured and continually reassess objectively.

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CHAPTER 8

OBSERVATIONS AND SUGGESTIONS

"In any project the important factor is your belief. Without belief there can be no successful outcome."

William James

I see infomercials all the time which promise to teach you how to make money in real estate, internet sales, and work from home, etc. "I did it, so can you." There are also investment strategies of all types to get you to your financial goals. My best advice to you would be to invest in your best asset which happens to be you. Put your money literally to work for you. Take a class, refine your art, take the mission trip, or move to the coast like you have always wanted. Follow your inner guide to the place you want to be.

Achieve Rather Than Obtain

This is true for material items as well. You are capable of "obtaining" any material item you desire with enough savings or enough in loans. So obtaining material things is easy enough, but you can never really "achieve" that material item. You obtain a house. You obtain a fancy car. Come to think of it, you can even obtain friends. These things are not achieved. Things that you achieve are usually a little less physically tangible yet somehow more real than material items. It is apparent that in today's society these two very different activities have been confused. Go out and achieve something. Let everyone else have whatever they can obtain.

If you spend all your energy trying to obtain, you will have very little left for achievement. This reminds me of a car commercial I saw some time back in which it was a small child's first day of school. You would think he would be apprehensive or nervous, but to the contrary, he is very happy and confident because he is riding to school in this particular shiny new vehicle. Do not think for a second that every company out there is not completely aware of the allure of obtaining.

Focus On the Good

My wife has often said, "Everything always works out for you. Everything goes your way." In some ways she is right. I am not saying that bad or negative things do not happen to me, but when they do, it is quickly accepted at face value, processed objectively and worked into the overall plan. If you get stuck or mired down in the bad, you can never move forward. You typically cannot change an event once it has occurred. The only thing to do is to minimize the damage, learn from it, and spin it as favorably as you can into your life story and move on. Many people only want to accept the world when it is exactly the way they want it to be. This will cause you to miss out on the spectacular parts just because there is one part that you do not like. Just because one part does not fit your scheme of things does not mean you reject the whole experience. Learn from all parts of the event, good or bad. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

"Learn from it" is the key that deserves repeating. No one wants to repeat these bad or unpleasant events over and over, so you must learn and evolve away from them. It is amazing to see people tangled in the same mess year after year with nothing changing. Unfortunately, life's lessons do not always slap you in the face. You must mine your lessons from your misfortune and sometimes even your good fortune. The way these lessons signal you depends on how you perceive your inner self. Your interpretation of the signals in your environment depends on how well you are in tune to the inner rules you have established over a lifetime. Let us take a very simple example. You listen to a speech by a very charismatic speaker. Some will interpret this as "boy he/she is so smart and articulate. I am so dumb and awkward." Others will say "boy he/she is so articulate. I want to present myself like that. " These people believe it is within them and set forth on making it happen. They will invest in themselves instead of a get rich quick, real estate flipping, infomercial and good things will start to happen.

Find the Energy

The biggest issue I hear in one form or another is that people struggle to get enlightened and find this inner knowledge that is present in each and every one of us. We are born with energy deep down inside of us. This energy can either be fed or dampened by what you choose to accept into that place. The good news is this inner energy can be dampened but never ever extinguished until the day we die. Some would argue not even then. Some would say the energy of the inner self does not die when the body dies. They feel the energy is set free and perhaps even reissued. Reincarnation is a very interesting topic. I am not sure exactly where I stand on the subject, but I know if I am reincarnated I would like to come back as our dog. She has the life. The whole family lavishes her with love and affection. She never has to lift a paw for food, shelter or companionship.

If you are one that struggles to connect to this inner energy or think I am just "full of hot air" let me challenge you. As I said before, the youngest of our species are purely and completely connected to this inner energy. Look into the eyes of an infant when they are not tired or hungry and tell me you do not recognize the energy in their eyes. If this opportunity is not available to you, here are some other ways to reconnect to this inner force. Animals are a close second to infants and toddlers. Get an animal and find that unconditional love and spirit. There are studies that show decreased Cortisol release, (remember that bad stress hormone), when we pet an animal. There are "good hormones" called Oxytocin that are also released that lower blood pressure. What a simple autonomic nervous system fix. Nature itself is another way to connect, like hiking a trail or sitting at a lake or stream. Listening to the wind in the trees while the birds and other animals in the forest go about their daily routine will connect you if you are looking for it.

If none of these examples strikes your fancy, there are still other ways. For some, doing a project that takes creativity and artistic abilities will bring them to this inner energy. Drawing, painting, sculpting, playing a musical instrument, even listening to the right music can open these connections again. A certain song can have such a connection to an event or a feeling that when you hear it, it can transport you directly back to that time when your inner energy was high. Just as we discussed that the inner energy can be built up through any of the three paths we discussed earlier. Mental, spiritual and physical paths can reconnect what seems disconnected from the inner energy. Again, as we said earlier, any one of the three systems can be used to begin to reconnect any of the three systems. Even something as simple as the energy from the right foods can spill over from the body system to the mind and spirit systems. How much more mental clarity and spiritual energy is gained from eating a fresh salad with multicolored veggies piled high versus a greasy burger and fries? You must see the interdependence of these systems. Challenge yourself to find these connections and then set out on your own to build your own inner path.

Where should I start?

STEP ONE: Find your passion.

• Why are you here?

• What is your gift?

• What are you to share with the world?

• What would you like to be remembered for?

Realize you do not have to know your inner path or how you will make this dream come true. Just name it. Catch a glimpse of that flame and as you set out on that path, take that first step, it will rise up to meet you. You do not have to abandon the safety of your current situation, but if you do not initiate some forward motion nothing will ever happen. The other thing is there are many people who are currently doing that thing they were meant to do. Whether it is a parent, nurse, accountant, painter, it may be you are doing it already. The question then becomes are you optimizing that purpose in life? Could you do your thing better with more physical, mental or spiritual energy? Look to step two.

STEP TWO: Assess Mind, Body and Spirit Objectively.

How are your mind, body and spirit positioned to help you work effectively and efficiently towards your passion? Be honest and find your weakest points. There may be one significant area or one in each that you feel down deep is holding you back and you are prepared to address. Do not pick more than two or three things at once, depending on their evaluated degree of difficulty. By prepared I mean there are many things we can think we know need to change, but you must be ready. Most smokers know they should quit but are not ready yet. Pick something else. As you have some success with things you are ready to change there will come a point when you are ready to quit smoking or whatever that slightly more difficult thing might be. This also brings up degree of difficulty. Adding a fruit to breakfast is generally easier for most people than it would be to quit smoking. So if you decide to quit smoking or something with a similar degree of difficulty, stick with just that one thing. Do not make the mistake of trying to change too much all at once. This only sets up failure. Here are some questions to get you started, but feel free to come up with a couple of your own.

Are you happy with Mind Body Spirit

Do you feel satisfied with Mind Body Spirit

Are you fulfilled with Mind Body Spirit

Are you content with Mind Body Spirit

Are you proud of your Mind Body Spirit

Do you need to work on Mind Body Spirit

Answer the following questions with the first thing that comes to mind. The answer may be the same or different for each.

What is dysfunctional in your life?..........................

What is not working in your life?............................

What is slowing your progression in life?..................

What is keeping you from your journey?...................

What does not feel right deep inside you?..................

What is your best asset as a person?.........................

What would you like to learn more about?.................

STEP THREE: Set your goals.

In step one you described your expectation, your passion. The ultimate goal would be this passion you have identified in its purest form. In your perfect world how would this passion manifest itself? Do not be afraid to make it big. Make it perfect. This is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. At this point in the process this ultimate goal may seem unattainable and that is fine. Remember, be willing to get in a little over your head. Then ask yourself this one important question: "If everything goes the way I plan, do I truly believe this could happen for me?" The answer must be yes. It does not have to be a super, over confident yes, but you must truly believe you have a shot. If you cannot objectively answer yes, you need to review steps one and two. Tweak it slightly if you have to, but you have to have that gut feeling that the ultimate goal, your inner passion, can happen in the form you have imagined.

Now it is time to set your stepping stone goals. These must be reasonable and somehow measurable (review F.I.R.M.). You need to be able to measure your success. This is not necessarily a number. In physical therapy we talk about "functional goals." Functional goals, in this case, also mean internal goals (contribution, affiliation, health and wellness, self development and self improvement). Again, external goals are linked to physical appearance, financial gain, power or image. Also remember a stepping stone goal is just what it says it is, a way to safely and successfully progress without getting your feet too dirty. It needs to be attainable. Too large of a goal makes it hard to reach the next step. Success builds on success. Most people who fail have made this mistake. They have chosen the ultimate goal but no stepping stone goal. After a while of trying to work towards the ultimate goal they have not had any obvious success, and it becomes clear the ultimate goal is still far away. They become frustrated and give up. Let us give an extreme example. If a person were completely physically debilitated and had an ultimate goal of being able to enjoy thirty minutes of activity with the grandchildren, they should set some very important small stepping stone goals. Maybe the first stepping stone goal is walking to the mailbox and back twice a day. Then it may be to the end of the block and back. Then it may be around the block. Then add in two sets of wall pushups to the whole routine. Each stepping stone goal may take a week or two to meet. There may even be a back step or slow down, but the person knows what is expected and can be proud he or she they hits the goal. This is where the energy to move towards the next stepping stone goal comes from. Before long the person is up to thirty minutes of activity and he or she is the best grandparent ever. If this person had set straight out for the thirty minutes of activity, he or she would have felt terrible when they did not even come close for the first two weeks and then would have given up. This same pattern works with the mind and spirit just the same.

STEP FOUR: Assign time frames to your stepping stone goals.

Time frame is also very important when discussing stepping stone goals. As I mentioned earlier, the research varies and is to some degree arbitrary when assigning the amount of time it takes to change a habit or make a permanent change in you. Again, I have read twenty one days up to six months. There are others that discuss nearly anything in between. The reason this varies is because we are individuals with varying degrees of willpower, support, and complicating factors that affect the time frame. Also, as we have already mentioned, the habit you are trying to quit or incorporate into your life varies in degree of difficulty. Do the best you can to take these factors into account and give yourself a little leeway. You my even write it down that way. I will complete this in 2 to 3 months, or maybe 4 to 6 months depending on degree of difficulty and complicating factors. Be reasonable and objective when setting your stepping stone goals and you will be fine. If you should complete the stepping stone goal faster than you expected, great. Let that success propel you to the next stepping stone.

STEP FIVE: Plan how you will make the stepping stone goals happen. (Often a forgotten step)

Many people feel that if they have the stepping stone goals they are zeroed in on making a change. The true way to zero in on a stepping stone goal is to begin planning what actions you must take to make the stepping stone goal happen. For instance, if your goal is to eat healthier by having a piece of fruit for breakfast each day but you never have fruit in the house, you are dead in the water. If you cannot make it to the store for four or five days, you will give up before you start. For some this one simple change may take some serious planning. What kind of fruit would I actually like that early in the morning? What type of fruit would not take too long to prepare because I am always flying out the door? Do I need to get up five or ten minutes earlier to make the fruit for breakfast doable? Do I need to prepare the fruit the night before? Could I just toss it in with my cereal? How about a smoothie? Let us say your stepping stone goal is to walk around the block five out of seven days a week. Do I have decent shoes or clothes for this? What if it rains or gets freezing cold? What if the boss makes me work over again? Do I need to try making it before work and if I do not make it I will have the evening as a backup? These and many other planning failures are what derail your changes. If you plan to make a spiritual change perhaps you need to plan to research a topic, find a book, contact clergy, call an old friend, or apologize to someone you rarely come in contact with anymore. If it is the mind you plan to work on tell HR you want the training, call the college and speak to a councilor, arrange for babysitting so you can attend or study. I could go on but I think you are getting the idea. Stepping stone goals do not just happen. You make plans and contingency plans for possible road blocks in your stepping stone goals. You may have to alter your plan of attack on the fly if you encounter a road block. Do not give up; work around it.

Another tip on goal setting that I have never really seen mentioned is Start Goals versus Stop Goals. Start Goals to me are easier than Stop Goals. Let me say that another way: it is usually easier to start a new habit than stop an old habit. For example, would it be easier for you to stop eating meat or start eating a fruit at each meal? Would it be easier for you to start moving a little more each day or stop smoking? Would it be easier to start smiling and saying hi to each person you pass or stop spending so much time on the internet? I am not saying that you should never have a Stop Goal, but as I said before, success builds success. If you are struggling to get out of the blocks pick a Start Goal.

Write It Down

I would encourage all to write out their goals and put them in a prominent place so they can see and read them daily. Here is a format to try, but again, use it to come up with something that works for you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

MY ULTIMATE GOAL IS..........................

Stepping stone goal #1:

I will..........................in................

days or months.

To attain this goal I will.

1\...........................

2\...........................

3\...........................

4\...........................

Do this or something similar for each goal. Many people read these types of books, but when it comes to doing an exercise like this they let it slide. You must write down your stepping stone goals and the plan to make them happen. It makes it tangible and real. It is easy to lose track of a thought or idea in our hectic world. If you see your goal and plan each day, it is never forgotten. If you do nothing else, I ask you to do this one time for one goal and see how it works.

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Chapter 9

NOW WHAT?

"The tragedy of man is what dies inside himself while he still lives."

Albert Schweitzer

People spend enormous amounts of energy on all types of activity that might be better spent on something more constructive. I can remember as a kid seeing older relatives who would sit at the kitchen table and play solitaire for hours. That was before the takeover of television, of course. I still know some who do reams of crossword puzzles or word search. I know others who pride themselves on knowing the batting average or stats of an entire league or team. Still others are obsessed with Farmville or other computer games, playing with the skill of a surgeon. I am not begrudging anyone his or her favorite pastime. We all need a distraction from time to time. My point is that we make time for and spend energy on things we really want to. Yet how many times have you heard the excuse, "I don't have time." "I don't have time to exercise." "I don't have time to take that class." We make the time to spend on the things we want, so time is never an excuse. As you move forward and decide what you want to work on in your life, realize you can find the time if it is truly a priority.

Clear Your Conscience

Do not be distracted by the future or the past. Do not be distracted by what others are doing or saying. There is a difference between living in the past or future and studying it objectively and using it to make logical decisions. You must not beat yourself up over the past or worry about future events. You must first clear your own conscience. Blocking out thoughts is not always the right thing to do. Listen to the conscience, that voice inside, to reconcile yourself. If you have done someone wrong, you must set it right before you can move on. That inner voice will not let you focus on what you truly are here to do until your conscience is clear. If you ignore that inner voice (conscience) it will eat at you even if you do not realize it. The conscience knows if you cheated, lied, stole, spoke falsely, ignored or treated someone with prejudice. If you have manipulated someone into or out of something, it knows. You can ignore it as much as you want, but it will eat you up like cancer. The conscience is there to make you a better you. If you are willing to examine yourself objectively, you can set yourself free. You will never find true happiness until you clear your conscience. Observe the past and think of the future as if you were reading a book. You would not reread the same pages or chapters over and over again. You may reference it from time to time but not relive it word for word. This is one way to balance those energies we discussed earlier that flow through the Mind, Body and Spirit.

Stay Focused

Most of us want to change things we have no ability to change. We must learn to accept this fact and move on. Events are external. The way we accept them is internal. It is impossible to keep bad events or bad situations from popping into your thoughts. However, it is possible to control what those events and situations create inside you. You control how much meaning and power they have over you. You can control how much importance you give them and how long you dwell on them. Acknowledging the events and objectively breaking them down will keep them from living in your thoughts. Admitting you did something wrong in and of itself is liberating. If you apologize or make amends for your action you become free. "I did that." "I paid my dues." "It's over." You are not necessarily tied to the actual forgiveness from the other party. It is wonderful to get forgiveness from others. We feel validated. However, we cannot control others. You must feel you have given sincere apology, and if the other party is unwilling or unable to forgive, it becomes their burden to carry.

Sometimes it is realizing that the event was not even your fault. It could have happened to anyone in your situation. Most people would have reacted in the same way in this case. You had a bit of bad luck but now it is over. Allow others the same leeway and understanding. They were not deliberately trying to hurt you. You were just collateral damage. Also realize that if they were purposely trying to hurt you their conscience will eat them alive.

I admit I always struggled with the phase "turn the other cheek." I think it really speaks to personal strength and integrity. If you can begin to build personal integrity there is no bigger safety net. Let me describe an example of this enlightenment. Let us say you feel you are in a situation where the world is against you, and you know an individual or group has attacked your character. You may feel you have no ally to turn to. Your integrity has been assaulted in some way, yet you can let it roll and walk away. If you can truly do this, you are in full control and nothing can touch you. This is the other side of the same coin. Forgiving someone is just as liberating as asking for forgiveness. Carrying anger and hatred towards someone you feel has done you wrong is just as big of a drain on your energies. The nice thing is you can forgive someone without them even asking. Not that you have to even tell them. Just controlling those emotions and energies inside you gives you power to move forward. This builds the energy in the Mind, Body and Spirit system. You do not have to rekindle friendships or relationships to forgive.

Often what we perceive as a wrong is actually more of a disagreement or an opposing position. Right and wrong are defined inside of each of us. There are some fundamental rights and wrongs, but there are also many grey areas defined by where you are standing. There is nothing wrong with asserting your point of view on what is right or wrong, but if you think you will change another person's conviction of what is right or wrong, you are mistaken. Be content to know you are being true to your inner self but you will not change others. Only others can change others. Do not take it personally. State your opinion and let them chew on it. Agree to disagree. The louder and more forcefully you try to impose your view the more resistance you will meet.

Accept Yourself

Accept past events and learn from them. Do not repeat or relive the negative. Keep the negative out and internalize the positive. When similar situations arise in your life, look inside as your guide. Trust yourself. People often ignore that internal guide. Some call it a feeling; others call it a voice in their head. Whatever it is for you, as you listen you will soon realize it is you. The real you is coming through. Some even feel this is someone close to them, a grandparent, parent or mentor or a person they love and respect they feel is guiding them from afar. In a way that is exactly what it is. It is the part of that person, his or her good qualities that you have internalized to become part of you. The wonderful thing is if you let that inner voice come through you can pass it, and that special person, on to others. If you do not let it out, it fades away and dies out. When you see these guiding lights in you take pride in them. Let them out as often as you can.

Find a Granny

Here is an example in my life that brings this thought home for me. I had a great grandmother; we called her granny, and she took care of me a lot as a child. She lived alone. She was retired long before, and she just took care of me and my brother in the summers and after school. She would play cards or hide the thimble nearly any time I asked and as much as I wanted. She would always ask me to do odd jobs and run to the store for her. This was when you could let youngsters ride their bikes up the alley, all the way to the other side of the school grounds and a block to the left, without worry.

Granny living in a four room 700 square foot home, did not have much money. She did not lavish me with material things. She never actually sat me down and gave me advice on life. Without me knowing she gave me much more. She demonstrated, exemplified and taught me patience, caring, pride, dignity, responsibility, unconditional love, confidence, acceptance of self and others. The list could go on and on. Does that mean I always look inside and let Granny out? Not always, but when I do I am a much better me. If I can let even one tenth of her qualities come out through me, I will be ten times the person I would have been. If I can instill even a fraction of this into my three children, my life will have served a great purpose, cubed. Luckily my parents are helping and are currently playing the role of granny for my kids and my brother's kids.

Granny was not the only person to influence me in these ways. I have had mother, father, brother, coaches, teachers and friends contribute to these and other attributes. Many would say well you were lucky. You had all these people around to nurture you, guide you and mentor you. I would say everyone has access to these types of people. I will admit some far more access than others, but they do bump into everyone at some point. It is really a question of do we recognize and focus on the positives of these contacts. Do we allow these people inside? Do we internalize these people and their best attributes? Do we see their flaws and remain cynical or defensive, which blocks out the good? Let me clarify. None of the people that I mentioned in my life earlier are perfect. No one in my family has been nominated to sainthood. We all have our warts. These are not people overtly extraordinary in daily life. They are just decent people whom I believed in and saw in their positive light. Internalize the positive and forgive the negative.

It can easily be argued that finding a hero in today's society is getting harder and harder. Sports figures, politicians, and movie stars, even the clergy, get way too much press when they cheat or take the easy way out. Glimpses of a hero are around us every day. The trick is to internalize those heroic traits. It may be a teacher, a coworker, who displays, on occasion, something above and beyond. It will not be all day everyday but it happens. That teacher may not even be in person. I have had several great experiences with teachers and professors at every level. One great experience was with a professor I have never met or spoken to. His name is Joseph Campbell, and I was lucky enough to stumble upon some interviews and lectures of his on video. His specialty is mythology, but his gift is translating it into an understandable subject that reflects on daily life. One premise that he invokes is that most people get stuck in their life's journey. Most people do not follow the call to adventure and take their "hero's journey." The "hero's journey" is often doing the hard thing, the scary thing, the right thing.

It is never too late to start this process. There is always someone in our lives that can fill these positions. It is up to each of us to see these qualities in others and feed these qualities. To further the example, I will tell you this same great grandmother who helped form who I am, had a change when I was about 12 or 13 years old. She went through a period where she was grumpy and short with me. My brother and I even discussed this change we saw in Granny. It was confusing and concerning to us. I cannot tell you if she was going through a hormonal change or some personal dilemma. I just remember it as an alien possession. The point is, even through this period of a year or two, the good traits were there. Patience seemed to disappear, but the others were still there. Had I focused on the negative I could have easily become a victim of negativity myself.

Internalize All Good

Over the years of my marriage I have told my wife that I have felt blessed that my life has gone like I wanted it to. For a long time she saw that as me saying nothing bad ever happened in my life and every situation went the way I wanted it to. There is nothing further from the truth. By focusing on the positive and internalizing the positive, it just feels as though everything has gone my way. The negatives crop up in my life and in my thoughts, but they have no power over me. The negatives are on the outside.

Everything we encounter or do in life is either internalized or externalized. Some things are more obvious while others are more insidious. Music and television have become so ingrained in our culture that we barely pay attention to what is on. They are running in the background almost constantly. This is a most dangerous time when we are not consciously filtering the input. Ideas and information can get in without our filter allowing us to decide. Many times we let the filter down when the information is disguised as entertainment. Many video games and "reality" shows are leaders in disguising bad information and bad examples as entertainment. Unfortunately, the fewer real life examples a person has the more they seem to feed into these messengers in disguise. Think of a kid whose parents are absent for whatever reason. Look at the unsupervised time spent exposed to these poor examples disguised as entertainment. To think this does not have an effect is rationalization of the worst sort.

Screen the External

Entertainment has become such a large part of culture, and the technological advances give us constant and more frequent unsupervised access. It is so much a part of our lives it permeates and blurs the lines. It is much more difficult to pick out the vaudeville act or Lucy skit as opposed to real life. As I discuss this issue the knee jerk reaction would be to get rid of these forms of entertainment. Howard Stern was chased off mainstream radio. There are advocates of banning many television shows. Here I see rationalization coming back into play. The reason Howard Stern or Jersey Shore is so popular is because, as a society, we ask for it. It is easier to blame Howard Stern or Jersey Shore for the downfall of society than to face the reality that this is what we asked for. In reality, it is far easier for me to change myself and be an example for my kids than it could ever be for me to change Howard Stern or get Jersey Shore off the air. Unfortunately, access to all of this type of media continues to get easier with the internet and hand-held devices. So maybe we should try to halt technological progress. Would not it be easier to just get better at what we filter out and avoid internalizing? Teach our children how to filter, screen and discern between entertainment bites and real life. Learn and teach how to internalize the positive and let the negative fall away. The negative will always be out there, the trick is to keep it out there.

When you are in tune with your inner self and you can be open minded, as we discussed earlier, it is amazing how you can find information to feed that inner self in all kinds of places. That is not to say you must agree with everything you read or hear, but you can see, when viewing from this inner perspective, the parts of the information that fit inside of you. Even if you completely disagree with what other people are saying, you can appreciate that it is their right to speak what hopefully is coming from their inner self. Even if it is total nonsense to you, your ability to not get defensive and see that none of it fits your inner self is exactly what I am talking about.

Change Yourself and Watch the World Change Around You

Often we want to be right and show others how they are wrong. How hard we will fight and even kill in society to prove our point. Somehow making others wrong makes us feel right. Take a hot topic like abortion. This is a difficult topic to discuss because it is so emotionally tied to so many. Both sides can be zealous about their belief. People on either side of the abortion issue tend to feel that you are either on their side or you are on the other side. There is no middle ground with this and many other topics. This seems to be a never-ending debate that receives enormous money and energy to prove the other side wrong. This just seems to pull money and energy away from the true issues that create the need for the abortion in the first place. Why not work together on teen pregnancy, self esteem, poverty, abandonment and on and on? Being right does not necessarily eliminate the problems.

Another vicious cycle I have seen in our society has been people who try to build themselves up by putting others down. It becomes self-perpetuating because these people know down deep that it is wrong. This eats at them internally until they have to put someone down again and again to relieve the sinking feeling of guilt. It is very similar to drug dependence. You get a hit and feel better for a short while, and then the pains of withdraw come back and you need another hit. This cycle is typical of someone with very low self esteem. There are many ways to work on self confidence and self esteem. Again, being honest with the self, getting in line with the inner self and spending energy on the correct area is the key.

Let Your Light Shine

We all have certain resources and abilities, but if we do not use them, we lose the opportunity to use them. Life is not a competition with others. There is no one on the other side of the table. Many of us act as though if we hold our cards long enough, the other side will give in and give us what we want. Keep our cards close to the chest and never show ourselves. All that happens is we lose the opportunity to play our hand at all.

Some may feel that they do not possess these resources and abilities. I do not believe this at all. I believe all have a gift they are meant to share. But I know these people are out there who just are not quite sure they have what it takes to show their hand to the world. My suggestion to those or anyone, for that matter, is invest in you. Society is obsessed with finding a great investment, that one investment that will pay huge dividends. With the dismal economy I would say before you invest in the market, invest in you. Take a class; learn to play a musical instrument, or even learning a foreign language would be great. Learn more about computers. Take an art class. Grow you, when your 401K is sinking. Learn something that makes you more valuable to your employer. Take a seminar. Learn something you have always been interested in. Start a small business. The 401K can disappear, but these things can never be taken away from you. Do not look for the short cut but find "your way."

Smell the Roses

In my opinion, everyone at some point in his or her life should have the opportunity to work in a nursing home. I have had this opportunity as a physical therapist, and it has done a lot to help me understand life and death. It will change your perspective on what is important in life and even ease your fear of death. As you observe these brave souls in what for many is their final days, you will come to understand that if you have a path you have not followed, you had better get to it. The experience will drive home how many of the things we stress and worry about just do not matter in the long run. If the day comes when we are bed ridden and waiting on our last breath, I want all to be sustained by knowing that they have done what they came here to do.

Smile Hi Club

Finally in this chapter I would like to introduce you to a simple thing you can do to change your life and to some degree the world as a whole. I would like you to become a member of the Smile Hi Club. The Smile Hi Club is an experiment I have been working on for years. I noticed several years ago that as I would pass people on the street or in a store they would avoid eye contact and never say Hi. Over the past several years I have made it my mission to make eye contact with anyone I pass and give them a smile and Hi. Even when I pass people in cars at the intersection or on the street, I try to give them a wave. My kids would always ask, "Who was that?" I would usually have to answer, "I don't know." After a while they stopped asking and would simply comment "friendly Fred."

It has become an ongoing social experiment. I frequently smile and say Hi to the top of someone's head, or the back of one ear, as they try to avoid my goofy, smiling gaze, but nothing bad ever happens. The best story I have, so far, is an experience with an older gentleman in Wal-Mart. I was in the back of a checkout line closest to the entry door. In came a thin, slightly frail elderly gentleman that I would guess to be every bit of 80 years old. He was headed right for me, and I caught his eye at about 30 paces. I threw him the smile and said, "Hi, how ya doin?" Not only did he not look away but he came straight at me, grabbed my right hand with his and shook it. He said "That's the best smile I've seen in years." We wished each other a good day and went our separate ways. I had never seen this man before in my life, but this simple encounter gave me the best feeling I have had in quite some time. I have a feeling it did the same for him. It did not cost us a dime and we got a million out of it. Please join my Smile Hi Club and spread the energy. This one simple change in your daily routine can change you and the world around you. What a great thing for your kids to grow up seeing. I will take "Friendly Fred" over many other things my kids could learn to call me.

I hope this book has opened your thoughts to what Total Wellness really means and how you can begin to find your own path towards it. I think you will find, as I have, that it is an endless journey but one that is fulfilling the further you progress. For ongoing help finding your path to total wellness and to win the competition within, visit us on the web at www.newwellnessconcepts.com.

* * *

I do not mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be.

Philippians 3:12

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MATERIAL TO HELP YOU ON YOUR PATH

www.prochange.com (learn how to make changes in yourself)

www.viame.org (find your character strengths)

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman, Ph.D.

Any audio of Zig Ziglar speaking on self motivation. Author's choice "See You at The Top" is a classic.

www.my pyramid .gov/ (nutritional information)

www.smallstep.gov (nutritional information)

Eat to Live, by Dr. Joel Furhman, Nutrition Book

Yoga tape, I Like Buns of Steel Yoga but it is on VHS. Serious!

Yoga book, YOGA: the path to holistic health, B.K.S. Iyengar (classic table book, great pics to grab interest)

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (powerful book to rid yourself of inner obstacles preventing you from becoming the authentic you. (Read it every 6 months)

Anything written or spoken by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Anything written or spoken by Joseph Campbell (DVD The Power of Myth with Bill Moyers is a great place to start)

How to Win Friends and Influence People or How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie (basic, time tested, strategies for conquering fear, worry and self confidence)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Brent Swartzlander, PT, DPT, OCS is a 1987 graduate of the University of Illinois at Chicago physical therapy program. He has practiced in several different settings with emphasis on outpatient orthopedics. In 1999 & 2009 Brent earned his Orthopedic Certified Specialty recognition from the American Board of Physical Therapy Specialties. He completed the Transitional Doctor of Physical Therapy Degree Program at St. Louis University in December of 2005. Brent is a practicing outpatient physical therapist and teaches evidence based seminars nationally with theraPTeach seminars Inc. He has dedicated himself and his career to educating professionals and the public on health, wellness and wellbeing.

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