Hey beardlovers.
Since I got back home, I haven't trimmed the
beard because I'm still basking in the glorious
memories of Vidcon, the online video conference
that happened in L.A. about a week ago.
You heard about that, right?
You know what Vidcon is.
And if you've never heard of it, geez.
Oh geez.
This guy...
Or this girl...
Anyway, whether you've heard of it or not,
you're about to see some of it.
You see, I was asked to emcee the main stage
of Vidcon for one morning.
Introducing performers and whatnot.
And within that allotted timespan that I was
emceeing, I was a performer to be introduced.
After the Wheezy Waiter intro in this video
you will see what was supposed to be my performance
for the main stage.
It was a disaster.
I was going through some really emotional
stuff at the time, and I apologize.
Anyway, here's how it went down.
Enjoy.
Wheezy Waiter
- Tobuscus!
- I sneezed.
I sneezed during that performance and he didn't
bless me.
I might have ice cream later and not share
it with him.
- Bless your face.
- So who's next?
Who's next?
- Uhhh...
- Let me check.
- Who do we have next?
- Uhhhh...
Oh.
Wheezy Waiter's next.
- That's you.
You.
You're Wheezy Waiter.
- I'm not Wheezy Waiter.
- Yes you are.
- No.
I'm Corporate Clone.
I gotta go get Wheezy Waiter.
- Hey, you need to be on stage right now!
- Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- You are Wheezy Waiter!
- I'm not Wheezy Waiter.
I'm Corporate Clone.
- Augh!
- Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- I don't frickin' know.
- I don't frickin' know as well.
- Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- Hey, Ze Frank.
You know where Wheezy Waiter is?
- Yes.
- Good.
- Craig!
- Scratchmybackerman, what are you doing here?
- We're brothers!
We're brothers!
- I hate Craig.
I hate Craig.
I hate Craig.
- Hey!
Hey!
Wheezy Waiter!
- No, I'm Safety Clone.
Careful!
- Wheezy Waiter!
- Oh no, I'm just Kiosk Clone.
Hey, so here you go.
- This is not me.
- Oh.
- Not me.
- Who are you?
- Hey!
Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- Aren't you Wheezy Waiter?
- Don't you watch his videos?
- He is Wheezy Waiter.
- This is obviously a clone.
- He is Wheezy Waiter.
- You call yourself a Wheezy Waiter....
- You lie.
- You call yourself a Wheezy Waiter fan.
- You keep arguing.
- And you don't even know what a clone when
you see a clone.
- You argue.
- You should go into the shark pit.
- I'm sick of it.
I'm just sick of you.
- Tay.....
- I'm sick of Dan Brown.
I'm quitting the Dan Brown program.
- That hurts.
- Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- Oh my god!
Where is Wheezy Waiter?
- Hey!
Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- Wheezy Waiter, right here.
- No, no.
Where's Wheezy Waiter?
- You're Wheezy Waiter.
- I'm not Wheezy Waiter.
- You're Wheezy Waiter.
- I'm not Wheezy Waiter.
- O Canada.
This is year three, my friend.
Our everlasting feud continues, eh?
- No!
But I'm not...
- Wait a minute.
This is not the beard I know and hate.
- I'm not Wheezy Waiter.
I'm a clone.
- Oh.
Sorry.
- You know, I don't get why Craig was so upset.
Sometimes he can be so whiny.
- Yeah.
I can be too.
- Wheezy Waiter!
- No.
I'm just Walking in Hallway Clone.
- You're not Wheezy Waiter?
But....
- What are you doing?
You're supposed to be on stage.
- I can't do it.
I'm just Corporate Clone.
You're the performer.
- I told you to do it.
- What's the matter?
- She told me she was marrying a clone.
- Hey, sometimes life gives you lemons.
Take those lemons.
Turn them into lemon-scented cleaner.
And wash away the pain.
Don't stop believing!
We were meant to live for so much more.
Isn't it ironic?
Synergy, fiscal responsibility, focus groups,
profit margins.
Love doesn't matter.
What matters is how much money it makes you.
- Yeah.
- Beard up, my friend.
Beard up.
You'll move on.
You'll find someone else.
Love is like a new office chair.
It smells funny and eventually it gets old
and you fall off of it.
'Cause it... it's really wobbly.
- I think you're right.
- Get out there!
And show them what love really is!
The love of you for yourself!
- I'll do it!
I'm gonna do it!
I'm doing it!
Hands off the pizza.
- Nothing.
- I can do this.
Hey, Chyna.
How could you?
- How could I what?
What's wrong with you?
- I can't believe you're marrying a clone.
- I didn't say I was marrying a clone.
I said I'm carrying a cone.
- You do love me.
- Yes.
- I love you.
Classic case of misunderstanding.
I also love ice cream.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Good.
Mmm mmm.
- Dude, can I have some of that?
- Yeah, sure.
- No way.
- There you go.
- I love that guy.
I'm lactose intolerant!
- Oh yeah.
There's a lot of people here.
- You've been here, right?
- No.
That was Corporate Clone.
So anyway, I wanted to talk to you guys about
something....
- I don't think we actually have time anymore,
Craig.
- Oh.
- We have to bring out our next... amazing
violinist, Lindsey Stirling.
- Woo!
Wheezy Waiter
Huge, huge thank you to ApprenticeA for helping
document the actual events of the real stuff
that happened in this video.
And another big thanks to the ridiculous amount
of YouTube folks that are in this video.
They're all listed in the doobly-doo.
Well, except for maybe the people I don't
know that were walking around in the background.
I didn't get their names.
Now I shall continue basking.
You can click here to watch a Making Of behind
the scenes random unused footage sort of thing
on WheezyNews.
Or you can click here to watch a vlog that
ApprenticeA made about the shoot.
Mmm.
Basking basking.
Tee hee hee.
Tickles.
Tee hee hee.
Tee hee hee.
I have woman hands?
