 
### Table of Contents

Title Page

Bonus Book

Now Available

Chapter 1: Paths Diverge

Chapter 2: Making Do

Chapter 3: A Return

Chapter 4: Unexpected Surprises

Chapter 5: Seeing You

Chapter 6: Paths Cross

Chapter 7: Bonding Time

Chapter 8: The Joy of Christmas

Chapter 9: Under the Mistletoe

Chapter 10: Letting Go Again

Chapter 11: More Gifts

Chapter 12: How to Deal

Chapter 13: Sets You Free

Chapter 14: A Decision

Chapter 15: Time Flies

Chapter 16: Paths Re-merge

About The Author

Publisher's Notes
Where the Heart is

By: Cristina Grenier
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#  PART 1: WHEN WE MEET AGAIN

# CHAPTER 1: PATHS DIVERGE

_August 14, 2007_

It was chilly for a night in August, and a breeze stirred the air up every once in a while, whipping tree branches and causing Jamie to lean closer to her best friend. The two of them were as far from any other people in their little town as they could get, spending the last night they had together for who knows how long cuddled up.

It was a clear night, and Jamie was stretched out, her back pressed against the chilly glass of her windshield as she watched the sky. The two of them were sitting on the hood of her car, eyes up turned, silence between them.

"You know, I bet the sky will never be this clear in Atlanta," Simon murmured with a sigh.

"Probably not. Bet you won't have any trouble finding girls to sit on your car with you and watch the smog roll across the sky, though," Jamie teased, the longing that she felt was easy to disguise with humor.

"Don't do that," Simon said, frowning. "You know it won't be the same."

He said that, but Jamie was never sure that he meant it. There was nothing she wanted more than for Simon to stay, but she knew that expressing that sentiment would be selfish beyond belief. Her best friend had worked hard to get to where he was now. Full scholarship to med school, ready to follow his dreams.

It wasn't his fault that she had to stay behind, and she wasn't going to waste their last hours together on trying to make him feel guilty for leaving. That wouldn't do anything anyway.

"Yeah, I know," she said, forcing a smile. "If they fawned all over you, then it wouldn't be like this at all."

Simon laughed, but if Jamie had been listening, she would have heard that there was very little actual humor in it.

Simon wasn't looking forward to leaving anymore than Jamie was looking forward to being without him. All that he knew was here. Their little down with its dusty roads and little shops that were within walking distance from his house. He'd spent his entire life here, and all the people he loved would still be here while he was moving over a hundred miles away to pursue his dreams.

And Jamie...

He never wanted to leave Jamie.

The two of them had known each other since the very first day of kindergarten all those years ago. They'd been seated next to each other in the circle in Mrs. Swanson's class. Jamie had made fun of Simon's glasses, causing him to start crying and her to get sent to the corner for ten minutes. When she'd come back, she'd been fuming, but when someone else in the class had made fun of the thick glasses that Simon had to keep pushing up on his nose, Jamie had leapt to his defense.

To this day, Simon had no idea why she had done that, but they'd ended up sitting next to each other and eating their lunches, swapping out halves of their sandwiches and chattering about everything and nothing.

It had been the beginning of a friendship that had lasted them through three levels of schooling and a lot of drama, and there was a part of Simon that worried that if he left, things would change.

And not for the better.

That had already happened sometime in high school when they'd realized that they were attracted to each other and could take advantage of that without starting something messy like a relationship.

He was going to miss that, too.

He watched as she leaned over and rummaged in the bag at her side, sitting up so she could start in on one of the massive cheeseburgers they'd picked up from their favorite diner on the way up there.

The hill they were parked on over looked the whole town just about, and they could see the lights of cars and buildings, looking smaller even than it was from their vantage point.

Simon watched Jamie as she ate, awed as he usually was at how beautiful she had become. She'd always been adorable with her chubby cheeks and masses of tight curls, but she'd grown into a woman right in front of Simon's face, and his mouth went dry every time he looked at her.

Her skin dark, the color of coffee with just a splash of milk, the way she always took it. Her hair was wound into twists at the moment, but Simon knew if she took them out, her hair would be a massive cloud around her head. He knew firsthand how soft to the touch it would be, and for some reason he held himself back from touching her now.

Her eyes were a lighter shade of brown than people seemed to expect, and they usually startled people until they were narrowed in a glare. She was shorter than his six feet two inches by almost a full foot, but she more than made up for her lack of height in attitude and her sheer presence.

"You're staring at me," she said, arching an eyebrow and looking over at him. "Having second thoughts?"

Simon snorted. "You say that like I haven't been having second thoughts since day one."

Jamie frowned at him. "Don't, okay? I know you don't want to leave, but _you_ know that this is your chance. You're not going to become a world famous doctor hanging around here. There's nothing here."

"That's not true. You're here and my family is here. Grandfather's Pizza is here."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, there's a lot of stuff here. But maybe... maybe you're meant for bigger stuff. There's nothing wrong with that."

Even though her voice was firm and unwavering, Simon could see the brightness of her eyes and he had known her long enough to be able to tell when she was putting on a brave face.

It meant a lot to him, that she was being so supportive about this. Never once in the process of him applying to school and making arrangements for moving had she let her true feelings show. She'd cheered him on and been the first one to hug him when he'd gotten his acceptance letter and scholarship money.

She was careful only to look sad when she thought he wasn't looking. But he was always looking when it came to her.

It had been over a decade, and Simon was still sorting out his feelings when it came to his best friend. Jamie meant the world to him, but he didn't know what he wanted from her, and now wasn't really the time to be trying to figure it out, considering he was about to be spending most of the next few years far away from her.

He could tell that she knew that, and it hurt him just a little.

"How's the burger?" he asked in an effort to lighten the mood.

"Delicious as usual. Can't beat The Pit for greasy meat and melty cheese. Are you even going to eat yours?" Jamie asked. "Because if not, I have plenty of room in my stomach for it."

"Back off the burger, lady," Simon said, laughing as he reached over her and snatched the bag away, rummaging in it to find his own burger.

The two of them ate in silence for long minutes, both lost in thought as they stared up at the sky and then out over the town.

Neither of them were sure what the right thing to do or say was here, and they both regretted the air of awkwardness that had settled between them, though it seemed that neither one of them knew how to dispel it.

Jamie knew that it was going to be their last chance to say goodbye properly, but she didn't want Simon to think that it was all about sex. They'd had some wonderful times in the year or so that they had been sleeping together, and she didn't regret that he was the only boy she'd slept with at all.

Other girls seemed to be racing each other when it came to how many boys in their class they could sleep with, but Jamie was content with the one she had.

Simon respected her and made her feel pretty, and she was going to miss him in that respect, too.

He kept telling her that nothing was going to change aside from the fact that he would be miles away from her, but she didn't seem to understand how he couldn't see that it was going to change everything to not have him close.

Her own dreams were easy to chase from right here at home, and with her mother getting sick so often, she didn't feel right leaving anyway.

Someone had to stay and take care of her, and no matter how many times her mother said that everything would be fine if she wanted to go somewhere else, they both knew that she wasn't going anywhere.

"Hey," Simon said softly, tired of watching the conflict play out over her face. He leaned in and took the half eaten burger out of her hands, reaching up to cup her face with his fingers. "Stop worrying so much." It was one thing to tell her that everything was going to be alright, but Simon knew that he was going to have to do better than that.

So he leaned forward and kissed her, pressing his lips hard against hers and pouring all of his feeling into it.

He tried to convey that there was no way he could just leave and not come back to her. Not with how he felt. They'd never truly dated, but it wasn't because Simon didn't want to or because he thought Jamie didn't want to. He could see them together so clearly, but it had never been the right time or place to bring that up. And now was definitely not the time to do so.

So he kissed her instead, fingers tugging at her hair while he moved his lips with hers, pulling her closer and sinking into it, letting everything else fade away.

When they had to pull apart to breath, Jamie looked dazed. "What was that for?"

"I'm leaving in the morning. Don't you want to say goodbye?"

She snorted. "Leave it to you to try and get in my pants on the night before you move away." But she didn't complain. Instead she moved the bag of food out of the way and moved to straddle Simon's lap, hands on the windshield of her car on either side of his head. "How far do you want to take this?" she asked.

Simon arched an eyebrow. "As far as you'll let me."

The gleam in her eyes proved that she wasn't going to be stopping him anytime soon, and she leaned back down to kiss him, biting his lower lip and tugging it with her teeth. The noise he made in response made her smile, and she did it again before kissing him properly.

His hands went to her waist, holding on and slipping underneath her shirt to stroke the warm skin he found there.

This was good. This felt right. He wanted to hold onto this until he saw her again, and there was no way he was going to stop now. Not when she was so close and smelled so good and tasted like beer and everything that he was going to miss.

"What am I going to do without you?" he mouthed against her lips, glad that he hadn't said it out loud. He didn't want to ruin the mood.

Now that she had something else to focus on, Jamie seemed to be doing alright. She was preoccupied with getting her hands under Simon's shirt, tracing the abs that always seemed out of place on someone who was a self proclaimed nerd.

Her mouth moved from his lips to his neck, careful not to leave marks, though in the back of her mind she had the thought of staking her claim and biting down so that everyone he saw when he checked into his new fancy school would know that he belonged to her and no one else.

But she held herself back from that, focusing on the kissing, on licking over his pulse point and delighting in the little shiver that got out of him.

"Jamie," he breathed softly, fingers digging into her hips. "I want you."

"Isn't it lucky that you can have me, then?" she teased, rolling her hips and pressing their groins together. She could feel him getting hard under her, and she wanted more of it.

It would have been smarter to do it inside the car, or even on the grass in the shadow of the car, anywhere where they weren't just exposed as they were now, but something about the thrill of it appealed to her and when she looked up and into Simon's hazel eyes, she could tell that he was feeling the same way she was.

It was simple to move from there into something more heated. Simon pulled a condom out of his pocket, prepared as always, and Jamie pulled the wide leg of her shorts to the side enough that she could sit on Simon's dick when he pushed it into her.

He always felt so good inside of her, so right, and this was no exception. Now she was determined to savor it, to make it last, so she moved slowly, working her hips up and down and taking him in again and again.

It felt amazing, and she couldn't hold herself back. Every time he pushed up, she thrust down, meeting him in the middle and holding eye contact until it got to be too much and she had to look away before she ended up losing herself completely.

Their moans filled the air, and they kissed hard, trying to muffle each other and get closer if at all possible.

It went on for long minutes, the two of them joined and taking pleasure in each other, and when they finally reached their peak, one right after the other, they looked into each other's eyes.

"I promise you, Jamie," Simon panted, reaching up to cup her face. "Nothing's going to change." He had never meant anything the way he meant that. There was no way he could be complete without having her in his life in some way, shape, or form, and just forgetting about her would never happen.

Jamie swallowed hard and nodded, leaning down to press her forehead to his. He'd never let her down before, and she didn't have any reason to think he'd start now. Simon wasn't her father. He wasn't like the men in her family who had a history of leaving and never coming back. Their bond was stronger than that and she had to believe it.

"Okay," she whispered. "Okay." 

# CHAPTER 2: MAKING DO

_December 15, 2014_

"Mom, you up?" Jamie called as she let herself into the house. It was the same one she had grown up in, and everything smelled the same, even if it was under a layer of antiseptic and bleach, the smells that seemed to accompany hospitals and the terminally ill.

She dropped her purse on the worn leather chair by the door and put her keys on the table, listening for sounds of life.

When there was no response, she sighed.

Her mother had been getting so much worse, lately. A year ago, she would have already been up and waiting at the kitchen table for Jamie to get her breakfast and morning round of pills ready, but these days, it was part of her job just to get her mother out of bed.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat and made her way through the house, turning on lights as she went.

As she'd expected, her mother was still fast asleep in her bed when she entered the bedroom. It hurt how small she looked, curled on one side with her hands pillowed under her head. Her hair was just starting to grow back after the chemotherapy, and she had a tiny little afro that Jamie smiled to see.

She reached down and stroked her fingers through it, noting that even though her mother was clearly worn and tired, her hair was still as black as Jamie's. If it weren't for the fact that she'd lost so much weight, it would be impossible to tell that her mother was in her fifties.

Adelaide had once been a hard working, no nonsense kind of person, but her cancer had taken a toll on her, beating her down into someone softer and quieter. She was still recognizable as Jamie's mother, but sometimes she missed the fierce woman who had raised her.

Jamie sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at her mother's lined face. She knew that the time when she was sleeping was the most time her mother went without being in pain, and she was loathe to wake her up when she looked so peaceful, but she needed to take her medicine and she had to eat with it.

"Baby?"

She jumped at her mother's voice, so soft in the semi-darkness of her bedroom.

"Hey, Mama," Jamie said, finding a smile for her. "Thought you were sleeping."

"I was. Had a dream that I was being turned into a fish and then I could feel that you were here. Time to get up already?"

Jamie nodded, biting her lip. She knew for a fact that her mother had gotten well over ten hours of sleep the night before, and she didn't want to think about what it meant that she still looked tired.

"Help me up?" Adelaide asked, stretching out a hand to her daughter.

She looked so thin in her nightgown that it took Jamie a second to get up and help. Even though she saw her mother every morning just about, it always hit her how the woman who had raised her and made her who she was today was wasting away right in front of her.

"Cancer's no joke," the doctor had said when the official diagnosis had been made, and Jamie couldn't agree more.

But she shook herself and helped her mother pull the blankets back and get to her feet. "What do you want for breakfast, Mama?" she asked, handing her the bathrobe that hung from the bedpost.

"It's cold this morning. What about grits?"

Jamie grinned. "With cheese?"

"You shouldn't even have to ask, girl."

Her mother's good spirits always managed to make Jamie smile, and she led her mother into the kitchen, getting her situated with a glass of orange juice while she made coffee and got breakfast going.

As much as it hurt to see her mother needing so much help when she'd once been fiercely independent and proud of it, Jamie couldn't deny that she enjoyed the time they spent together now. The mornings were quiet, and they talked about the nurses and Jamie's job and story ideas.

They'd spent plenty of time together before, but there had always been things getting in the way, and now they had a time when it was just the two of them.

Jamie scrambled eggs to go with the grits and pulled out the pills for that day, listening to her mother talk about Christmas dinner and what they should have. They would be limited to whatever Jamie could whip up with her meager cooking skills, although the idea of having a nice meal catered bounced around in her head.

She had some money put away, and her mother deserved something nice after all she had been through. It was certainly something to think about.

The two of them sat down to a nice breakfast together, and Adelaide took her pills under the watchful eye of her daughter.

Jamie hung around long enough to watch her mother's energy drop even after only being awake for a couple of hours and for the afternoon nurse to show up and then headed back to her place to shower and change for work, worry eating at her.

It was bitterly cold outside, and Jamie was grateful for the warmth as she let the door of the diner bang shut behind her. The small space was already packed with people, customers filling almost every table and all the chairs at the counter. It was clearly going to be a busy night, and Jamie was grateful for it, welcoming the distraction of a hectic work shift to keep her mind off of more depressing things.

"Where've you been, Jamie girl?" called Sal, the 'head chef' as he liked to call himself, as she made her way through the kitchen.

"Don't even try that, Sal," Jamie called back as she headed to the little office area in the back so she could shed her coat and gloves, put her purse in her locker, and pull on an apron. "I'm not scheduled to start until four, and if you look at the time, it is just barely fifteen til."

Sal's booming laugh echoed through the kitchen, and Jamie stepped back in just in time to see the new girl almost drop her tray. She shot a dirty look at Sal's back and then headed out to the seating area, balancing a tray filled with cups of soda.

"You're gonna make Megan quit if you keep that up," Jamie said, leaning against one of the counters and popping a pickle into her mouth.

"Eh, wouldn't be the worst thing. She takes orders in the worst way."

Jamie grinned and shook her head. John Salinger, or Sal as he preferred to be called, had known her practically since she was a child. Her mother had brought her here after school when she'd done well on a test or made the honor roll, and Sal would make her a burger as big as her head just about and congratulate her. He'd been calling her 'Jamie girl' since he'd met her, and she smiled with affection every time. The man was well over six feet tall and had more muscle on his wide frame than anyone Jamie had ever seen before. There was a rumor that he used to be a body builder back in his younger years, but no one had been able to find proof of that.

"How's your mom?" Sal asked, glancing at her and then back at the grill.

"Today wasn't one of her good days, let's just say," Jamie replied. "She's gonna have to go back in for another round of tests or something, I guess. I dunno what's making her so tired, but just getting her out of bed is starting to become a struggle."

Sal made a sympathetic noise. "She's a strong lady, Adelaide is," he said, nodding his head. "She'll pull through."

Jamie gave him a wan smile. She appreciated the optimism, but she'd been preparing herself for the reality that one day she would let herself into the house and her mother wouldn't be there anymore for a long time. There wasn't a cure for her mother out there, and she knew that. Anytime they had together was borrowed at this point, and there was very little anyone could do about that.

Wishing otherwise would just make things worse when the inevitable came to pass and she had to deal with how much it was going to hurt.

But now wasn't the time to think about that.

Now was the time to tuck her order book into the pocket of her apron, stick a pencil behind her ear, and put on her 'I would be thrilled to serve you' smile.'

The sound of a tray crashing to the floor made her jump, and she peered out the kitchen window to see Megan scrambling to pick up a tray loaded with silverware. She and Sal exchanged a glance and Jamie shook her head.

It was going to be a long night at this rate.

She dove into the fray, sidestepping Megan and going over to her table, smile in place, pencil poised and ready to take down orders. "Hi," she said. "Welcome to The Pit. I'm Jamie, and I'll be taking care of you this evening. What can I get you to drink?"

It was a familiar speech, and one that she said about thirty times a day when she was working a full shift. Sometimes more. It was ingrained in her head so well that she didn't even have to think about it anymore. Just replace the time of day, rattle it off, and wait.

Her table, full of tired looking twenty-somethings, clearly on their way to or from some kind of road trip, probably home for the holidays and just passing through, ordered coffee and sodas, and Jamie made a note on her pad to pour them the extra strong stuff. She winked at the one who had his head on the table and a yawn cracking his jaws and recommended the chili. "So spicy, it'll wake you right up," she said, before dashing off to take the drink orders of the next three tables so she could fill them all at once.

She'd worked out a system in the six years she'd been working at The Pit, and it served her well. Drinks were easy to bring out, keep an eye on the cups for refills, serve people in a line.

Jamie had been working at the diner since she'd started community college, and while it wasn't anywhere close to what she wanted to do with her life, the money was alright, the tips were excellent, and it kept her in enough free food that her grocery bill was the smallest thing she had to pay.

It also had flexible enough hours that if her mother needed her, she could move her schedule around easily.

She liked most of the people she worked with, Megan notwithstanding, and it wasn't a job that took a lot of mental energy, though by the end of the night her feet were going to be killing her.

"Hey, Jamie," said Adam, one of the cooks who worked under Sal. "What're you doing after your shift?"

Jamie made a face at him. "Well, since I don't get off until midnight, I think that's pretty obvious," she said as she poured sixteen cups of coffee.

"Hot date?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her, leaning against the counter while she arranged her trays.

"Oh, yeah. Steamy even. It's gonna be long and I'm gonna be naked in under five minutes."

It was sort of hilarious how caught off guard Adam looked, and Jamie rolled her eyes, hefting the tray with practiced ease. "Because I'm going to go home and take a long bath, idiot," she said, flashing him a smile and heading back out to deliver her drinks.

"He wants to bone you so hard," Kathryn whispered as she took up Jamie's soda tray and helped her bring it out.

Jamie snorted and started setting coffee in front of people, smiling and demurring when they offered heartfelt thanks. Coffee made the world go round, was what she had learned in her time working here, and there was a lot to be said for keeping a coffee cup full. She took the tray from Kathryn and started handing out drinks, rolling her eyes again. "You don't know that."

Kathryn laughed. "I know everything about this place, Jamie. He wants you bad."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It just does. Trust me. I've seen more cooks try to bang waitresses than you even want to know, and I know how it starts." Kathryn winked. "I'd look out if I were you."

She wanted to argue, but Kathryn was the only waitress who'd been here longer than she had. She was in her thirties, tall and gorgeous, and no one knew why she worked here when she was clearly talented in other fields, but whenever someone asked, she just smiled mysteriously and kept filling salt shakers or whatever it was she had been doing before.

It was clear that they weren't going to get an answer out of her, and Jamie was fine with that. She liked Kat's company, and they had developed an awesome working relationship that she didn't want to give up.

Ever since Simon had left without looking back, Jamie hadn't exactly had a lot of friends. She'd made some acquaintances at school and she knew all of the waitresses and cooks at the diner, but none of them had the same connection with her that she'd had with Simon.

"But he's clearly not coming back, so get over it," she muttered to herself as she set her tray down in the kitchen with a bit more force than was strictly necessary. Seven years, and she still wasn't over it.

Her mother had told her that it took almost twice as long as the relationship had lasted to really get over someone, and when Jamie had reminded her that she and Simon had never really been dating, her mother had just smiled and nodded as if she didn't believe her.

"That's what I said about me and your father," she'd pointed out.

Jamie had scowled. "And look at how right you were."

Her father had skipped out on them before Jamie was even old enough to make memories of him, and that was the last thing she wanted to think about when it came to Simon, but she had to admit that he'd done kind of the same thing.

But no. Thinking about that while she had tables of hungry people to deal with wasn't going to make this shift go by any faster, so she shook her head and went back out, letting the soothing rhythm of taking orders and handing tickets to the cooks keep her occupied.

She got a ten minute break at six, and she wrapped her coat around herself and stepped gratefully out back, leaning against the worn brick of the building and lighting a cigarette.

Jamie only smoked when she was stressed out, and there was something about the holiday season that always made her blood pressure skyrocket.

Maybe it was the fact that she knew her mother wasn't going to have many Christmases left. Or maybe it had something to do with how small the celebrations were now. Back when they were kids, Simon's family had always invited her and her mother over to celebrate with them, and it had been cozy and nice, like they were an extended family.

But ever since Simon had gone away, those invitations had stopped.

Adelaide had been just as hurt as Jamie because she'd truly thought that there was more to it than just it being for the sake of the kids, but apparently that wasn't the case.

With how tired her mother was these days, Jamie wasn't hoping for more than a quick dinner and listening to carols on the radio, and she made a mental note to stop at the liquor store on her way home so she could at least drown her sorrows once her mother inevitably passed out before nine pm.

She took a long drag off her cigarette and exhaled, watching smoke curl up towards the dark sky.

Sometimes she was completely content with her life, and other times she had no idea what she was even doing. She wanted to be a writer, but there weren't a lot of opportunities for things like that in their tiny town. And though her mother was always saying that she didn't have to stay just for her, that she would be fine with her nurses and friends, Jamie didn't have it in her to leave. What if she moved away and then her mother just...

It didn't bear thinking about, and Jamie didn't understand why she was so bad at clearing her head tonight. Usually a smoke and an eight hour work shift didn't leave room for thinking about anything else, but apparently her head was too full to completely switch off.

"Just get through your shift and go be emotional at home," she muttered under her breath as she stamped out her cigarette and headed back inside, shaking the cold from her fingers as she got back to work. She could make herself a nice hot toddy and sit in the bath and drown in her sorrows then.

She snorted. She was twenty-five years old and apparently that was her idea of a good time. Where had her life gone so wrong?

But that was veering back into dangerous territory, so she shook the thought from her head.

There were six more hours left in her shift, and while she wasn't looking forward to dealing with the customers or listening to the same Christmas carols on the radio five hundred times, it was better than being alone at home for the next six hours.

A group of truckers had just come in, and she was already prepared to be hit on while she filled their orders.

As much as she hated it, that would be one more distraction that she could layer on. The sound of Sal's laughter would help, too, and she inhaled deeply as she took up her pad and pencil once again, smile back in place. 

# CHAPTER 3: A RETURN

"I promise you'll be home in time for Christmas, Mrs. Hutchinson," Simon said, flashing the older woman a smile that made his dimples show. "All you have to do is take your medication like the nurse says, and you'll be out of here in no time. You're too lovely to be in this hospital bed longer than you have to."

"Oh, Doctor Blake, you're always saying that," Mrs. Hutchinson said, flapping a hand at him, but her cheeks were pink with pleasure. "I'll take the medication, I just don't like how they make me so tired."

Simon made a note on his chart. "I know, but you do need your rest. It's the only way you're going to recover fully."

She sighed and nodded. "You're right, of course. Such a good boy. You know..." She leaned in like she was going to tell him a secret. "My great niece is single. A nice boy like you ought to be thinking about settling down, don't you think?"

He kept his face fixed in his usually sunny smile. "Maybe one day, Mrs. Hutchinson, but for now, I'm pretty focused on my career. I've got a ways to go yet before I can say I've reached all my goals."

He turned her over to the care of one of the nurses and then let himself out of her room with a sigh. It was coming up on his fifteenth straight hour of being on call, and he wanted nothing more than to go home and get in the bed. Actually, at this point, he would very gladly settle for one of the couches in the break room.

But there were at least six more patients he had to see to before he could even think about going home, and when he got there it wasn't like he was going to have a chance to relax.

"Your head's in the clouds," came a gently amused voice from beside him, and he blinked and looked over to see Camilla Channing, one of his fellow "newbies" as they were called around the hospital.

"My head is thinking about being on a pillow," he said. "So maybe in the clouds. But you don't get to make fun of me because I've been here forever and you've been here for what? Three hours?"

"Oh please," she fired back. "You get to take two weeks off for the holidays. I don't even want to hear that. I'm going to be here on Christmas Eve and New Years, and you already know the ER's gonna be full of idiots who thought they'd ring in 2015 by jumping off of something tall or lighting themselves on fire. And I'll be here dealing with it, while you're curled up with a cup of cocoa somewhere."

Simon wanted to tell her that it very much was not going to go down like that (the part about him and the cocoa, not the part about idiots at New Years because that was very likely to happen), but he didn't want to get into a whole thing about his family and their history.

It was already hard enough knowing that when his marathon shift was finally over he was going to have to go home and pack, heading back to the place where he'd grown up for the first time in almost ten years.

He'd never meant to stay away so long, but things had happened, and the longer he was gone the harder it seemed it would be to go back.

Now that he was comfortable here and had built a life for himself, going back to the tiny town where he'd grown up felt like moving backwards, and it was the last thing he wanted to do.

But he'd promised his father he'd come, and despite everything that had happened over the years, Simon Blake found it hard to break a promise.

Most of them, anyway.

"Hello, paging Dr. Blake," Camilla said, waving her hand in his face. "You were drifting again."

Simon shook himself. Despite his chosen career, he didn't do well with being sleep deprived. He usually handled the long shifts by sleeping as much as he could before and after them, but for some reason he hadn't been able to sleep at all before this one. And really, he knew exactly what that reason was.

He batted Camilla away and sighed, running a hand down his face. "I'll be fine. Tell you what, since you're so full of energy, you go check on Mr. Campbell in room six, while I take a bathroom break."

"Will do," she replied, saluting him before she made her way down the hall.

Simon slumped against the wall for a second but then continued off to the bathroom, locking himself in and leaning against the sink.

This wasn't like him.

One of the things he had always prided himself on was the ability to keep his composure under pressure, but here he was, going to pieces just because he had to go back home. Honestly, he should have known that it would happen eventually. He couldn't go seven years without seeing his family and just expect that they would be content to leave it like that.

Simon shook his head and turned the water on, washing his hands and splashing some water on his face for good measure once he'd taken his glasses off. He squinted at his reflection in the mirror and sighed.

Aside from looking exhausted, he looked like himself, and he still had to smile with pleasure at the sight of himself in the white coat that meant he was well on his way to getting what he wanted out of life. Same pale skin and hazel eyes, same high cheekbones and nose that seemed just a bit too big for his face. Same dark brown hair that he couldn't seem to bring himself to cut, held out of his face in a messy bun at the back of his head. Strands of hair had escaped and were falling into his eyes, and he swiped them back and out of the way, washing his hands once more for good measure.

It had become something of a nervous habit, although blaming it on the nature of his job was the perfect way to cover that up.

No doubt his family would comment on the fact that he'd lost weight and that he looked like he hadn't been sleeping well, and he held back a groan at the thought of it.

But this wasn't the place to go to pieces. Not when the end of his shift was close enough that if he hurried, he could be out before the sun went down. There was a new Chinese place just down the block, and he could pick up a massive order of food and let it keep him company while he tried to pack and get everything ready.

Having a plan always made him feel better, so Simon took a fortifying breath and let himself out of the bathroom, striding down the hall with purpose.

He flirted with the elderly women because it made them much more likely to do what was best for them, he charmed the children with smiles and promises that they would be well enough to play soon, and he leveled with the people his own age who just wanted answers.

One of the things that made him so popular was his bedside manner, and he knew how to change up his approach depending on who he was talking to. It put most people at ease, knowing that he was there, and he liked that a lot.

By six, he was finished for the night and for the year, actually, considering it would be after New Years when he came back to work. He took his time saying goodbye to everyone, wishing them happy holidays and accepting well wishes back. One of the nurses who clearly had a thing for him pressed a candy cane into his hand on his way out, and when Simon looked down at it, he saw that it was tied with a green ribbon that she'd written her phone number on in Sharpie.

Shaking his head, he went to his car.

Half an hour later, he was laden down with delicious smelling bags from China Palace, and he made his way to the elevator in his building, taking it to the fifth floor where he lived.

This was a far cry from the house he'd grown up in, smaller and much more modern, and it felt right to be here.

Simon still remembered the feeling of _rightness_ that had washed over him as soon as he'd come to the city. Everything was big and bright, and though it was a lot to deal with for a small town boy with big dreams, he'd loved it all instantly.

His apartment was in a ten storey building with a great view of the glittering lights that had been strung up in the park across the street for the holidays.

He hummed to himself as he set down the bags in his kitchen and went to the hall closet to shed his layers.

It was a one bedroom apartment, and his bedroom was fairly tiny at that, but his living room and kitchen area made up for it, and he'd filled the place with things to make him more comfortable.

Glancing at his bedroom and the piles of clothes and things that he knew waited to be sorted and packed, he decided he had earned something of a break, so he sat down in his favorite chair and devoured his dinner, washing spicy noodles and shrimp down with a glass of wine and watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Nostalgia welled in him as he watched, though, because that had always been Jamie's favorite Christmas movie.

"It's the only one that really shows how people are. Some people are mean and jealous and they don't want other people to have things that they don't have," she explained when Simon had asked her about it some fifteen years ago. "But look, the Whos have their Christmas without all the stuff, and the Grinch just wants to be included. It's like... maybe if we just stopped excluding people from things, they'd be less mean and petty. Everyone just wants a place, you know?"

Simon chewed his last bite of food and sighed, running a hand through his hair. Out of everything from his hometown, Simon missed Jamie the most.

After his first year of college, they'd sort of stopped speaking, and he was well aware that it was mostly his fault. She knew that his parents' divorce had been hard on him. He hadn't even known that they were unhappy with each other, but as soon as he'd gone off to school, the whole thing had exploded.

Out of nowhere his mother had started accusing his father of having an affair with his secretary and lying about where he went.

Simon's father had sworn up and down that she was wrong and he would never do that, and his mother had called him all the time to tell him what she thought his father was doing.

It got so bad that Simon had blocked her number and gotten on with his life, ignoring them and their issues until his father had called and told him that they were getting a divorce.

He still didn't know how to feel about it.

Obviously it was for the best since his father was much happier now, but it had felt wrong to have his family broken up like that, and instead of trying to deal with it, he'd just cut himself off from them.

Hadn't gone home in seven years, instead spending Christmas and Thanksgiving with his roommate's family.

Even now that they weren't in school anymore, Simon still had a standing invitation to the Stannard family get together, but after spending Thanksgiving with them, he'd explained that he had to go home this year.

No matter how much he wasn't looking forward to it.

Instead of flying, he was going to make the drive. Because he would not be stuck there with no way to get around. His father had insisted that he stay for the whole two weeks he could get off, and though he'd wanted to argue, it seemed fair. Two weeks to make up for seven years.

Most of it was his father needing help to pack up the house. Their old house was much too big for just him, and so he was going to move somewhere smaller, somewhere where there were fewer memories.

Simon had suggested just selling the place, but for some reason his father seemed convinced that it would be a mistake.

"What if you want to raise a family there one day?" he'd asked, and Simon had snorted in disbelief. The chances of that happening were slim to none, and the last thing he could see himself doing was moving back there and trying to make a family work in the place where his family had fallen apart.

And anyway, wasn't the point of growing up supposed to be moving on and moving upwards?

It was going to be hard enough going back for just two weeks. He definitely didn't think he'd ever be happy living there again.

Deciding he'd put it off for long enough, Simon got up and made his way back to his bedroom and started folding clothes and finding everything he was going to need.

Though he tried to focus on his task, he couldn't keep his mind from wandering. Mostly he was thinking about Jamie. He'd heard from his father that Jamie's mother wasn't doing so good and that she was still in town helping to take care of her. Simon knew that had to be hard for her. Her mother was all she had left, and the way his father made it sound, she probably wouldn't have her for that much longer.

It made his heart ache to think of Jamie all alone, but. But she needed to get out of that town. There was nothing there for her, and he wondered if he could convince her to follow her dreams. He knew the things she wanted, and knowing Jamie, they were still the same. But she'd always had a fierce streak of loyalty. Simon knew she wouldn't leave while her mother was still alive, and there was nothing he'd be able to say to change that.

That was, if she'd even speak to him at all. It wouldn't surprise him one bit if she refused to even be in the same room with him again after everything that had happened.

He'd promised, that night when they said goodbye. He'd promised that nothing was going to change between them and then he'd broken that promise within a year.

"She probably hates me," he mumbled under his breath. And he couldn't blame her if she did. He hadn't had the heart to ask his dad for more information about Jamie, so he didn't know what she was doing or if she was dating anyone or what, and he supposed it was none of his business now.

Lord knew he'd had his share of...escapades since he'd moved here, though they had slowed down when his workload had increased. It had been a while since he'd even gone out with anyone, though if that one nurse got her way, his dry spell would be over.

But he wasn't interested in her, really, and now that he had opened himself up to thinking about Jamie, he found he couldn't stop.

Simon really couldn't decide what would be worse. Seeing her and not knowing what to say, or not seeing her and being forever regretful that he hadn't. Did they even have anything to say to each other anymore? Anything other than her cursing him out (deservedly) and him trying to defend himself all the while knowing he didn't really have a leg to stand on, that was.

This was just too nerve wracking, and he sighed and plopped down on his bed, pushing everything onto the floor in a fit of childish anxiety.

It was late, and he didn't have to leave before noon the next day if he didn't want to. Maybe now that he was full and had been drinking a little, it would be easier to sleep. He was definitely going to need to be well rested for this.

# CHAPTER 4: UNEXPECTED SURPRISES

Jamie held back a yawn and slid a plate of fries in front of a pair of high schoolers who were at table five making googly eyes at each other. She'd been eying them since they walked in, watching him lean across the table and touch her hair, watching her giggle and bat her eyes at him.

She made a retching motion, miming sticking her finger down her throat as she walked back into the kitchen, and Sal laughed. "It's the holiday season, Jamie girl. Love is in the air."

"Teenagers don't know anything about love," she said bitterly, slamming down the mug she was about to fill with coffee for a tired looking young man at table seven. "They know about infatuation and sex. Those two things are pretty much the opposite of love if you ask me."

"Good thing no one did, then, huh, Ms. Scrooge?" Sal teased. "Nothing wrong with being young and a little naive. There'll be plenty of time for them to be cynical when they get older. For now, let them be."

Normally that kind of thing didn't bother her, but she hadn't slept well the night before, wrapped up in worries and memories, and her mother had barely been responsive at all that morning. It had taken her over an hour to coax her out of bed, and then she'd only eaten the bare minimum, taken her medication and then gone back to bed. The afternoon nurse had promised that she'd keep an eye on her and call her if anything got worse, and Jamie had a knot of anxiety lodged in her stomach as she worked her shift.

It didn't help that Sal was in such high spirits, singing along to the carols on the radio and screaming "Ho, ho, ho!" every hour on the hour.

Usually it was the kind of thing that Jamie would have found wonderfully festive, but she couldn't shake her bad mood that afternoon.

Christmas was so close, and there was still stuff she needed to do. Like do her shopping and finalize the order for Christmas dinner. At least that was one good thing about the night before.

She'd found a restaurant that would cater their dinner if she picked everything up, and that was no problem at all. Now she just had to hope that her mother would be coherent enough to take part in the meager festivities.

On the plus side, this was her last shift until after Christmas, so she had time to get everything done. And maybe to get some sleep because she certainly had failed at that the night before. Maybe by the time Christmas rolled around, she would be in better spirits.

The teenagers were leaning across the table, kissing over their fries, and Jamie rolled her eyes.

"Free show at table five," Kathryn said as she breezed in, unwrapping her scarf from around her neck and shaking snow out of her blonde hair. "'Tis the season, I suppose."

"Don't say that too loud around Jamie, Kat," Sal warned. "She's in a bah humbug sort of mood."

"Aww, poor thing," Kathryn said, leaning over to press a kiss to Jamie's cheek. She made a surprised noise all of a sudden, standing up straight and looking out the kitchen window. "Well. I can't tell if that's going to make your mood better or worse, dear, but it's certainly something worth seeing?"

"What?" Jamie asked, turning to look as well.

Her eyes went wide and her heart nearly pounded its way out of her chest.

Because it couldn't be? Could it?

After seven years, Simon Blake walking into The Pit like he owned the place, brushing snow off of his coat and looking around with a little smile on his face.

"Well, I'll be," Sal said, using his inside voice for once. "Wonders never cease, apparently."

"Apparently," Kathryn agreed. She prodded Jamie in the back lightly. "Are you going to go say something to him?" she wanted to know. "Because unless you plan to hide back here until he leaves, he's going to see you."

How was she supposed to reply to that? It was _Simon._ Standing there looking for a table and looking all... gorgeous and accomplished with his dumb little ponytail and his stupid pea coat and his _glasses._ Who did he even think he _was_ showing up after seven years like he could just walk in and... and...

"Uh-oh," Sal murmured. "He's sitting in your section, Jamie girl."

And so he was. Sitting down at table six and leaning back, making himself comfortable and looking at the menu with that dumb little smile on his face.

"I don't know that she's listening to you, Sal," Kathryn replied, and Jamie snapped out of her daze.

"I'm listening. It's fine. I'm a professional. I don't care about him."

She gathered up her drink tray before they could say anything else and made her way out of the kitchen, setting down refills for the horny teenagers at table five and giving table seven his coffee. She took her time taking his order and then let out a low breath, turning to walk over to the table Simon was sitting at.

"Hi," she said, keeping her voice even and her tone polite. "Welcome to The Pit. I'm Jamie, and I'll be taking care of you this afternoon. What can I get you to drink?"

To say that Simon looked startled would be an understatement. He looked blindsided, mouth open and eyes huge behind his stupid glasses. "Jamie?"

"That's what I said," she replied, giving him a bland smile. "Coffee? Coke?"

"What?"

She swallowed hard and kept her smile in place. "What can I get you to drink?"

"You work here?"

"No, I just wear the apron and take orders for fun. On Wednesdays, I pretend to work at the gas station. Either you want to order something or you don't, but I suggest you make up your mind because I do have other customers to deal with here." Okay, so that wasn't polite, but staring at her wasn't doing anything but making this even more awkward than it already was, and she didn't have the patience for it.

And really, she didn't know where he got off looking at her like he'd seen a ghost. Of course she was still here. This was her home. _He_ was the one who had run away and not come back.

"Sorry," Simon said, brow furrowed. "Uh... I think I've had enough coffee for the day so far. Can I get a lemonade, please?"

"Coming right up."

She didn't even bother to write it down, just walked away and banged back into the kitchen, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes.

"You gonna be alright out there?" Sal asked.

Jamie opened her eyes to glare at him. " _Yes,_ Sal," she snapped. "I'm going to be fine. I'm going to do my job because I'm an adult."

As if to prove it, she put table seven's order ticket on the spinner, and went to pour Simon's lemonade.

It wasn't fair.

That was the real issue.

In the back of her mind, she'd been hoping that Simon had gotten fat or ugly or something in the time he'd been away, but no. There he was, still gorgeous and obviously successful. It made her feel almost embarrassed about the fact that she was still here. Stuck in this town and working at The Pit, even though she loved her job most of the time. It was just his tone, though. As if this was beneath him and beneath her. What else did he expect from her?

But she didn't have time to dwell on it. Instead she threw herself back into her work, taking orders and passing out food, making only the bare minimum conversation with Simon.

His order was still the same, too.

Double cheeseburger, no mustard, extra pickles and a basket of onion rings. She'd heard him order that hundreds of times, and the only time she let their eyes meet was when she was delivering his plate to him, holding that familiar gaze for a few seconds and then turning away.

When her ten minute break rolled around, she couldn't get out the door fast enough. She neglected to put on her coat, and shivered as she stood behind the diner, kicking piles of dirty snow and lighting a cigarette with shaking fingers.

She'd never needed one like she did right then.

What was he even doing here? Seven years he'd been gone, and now all of a sudden he decided that he needed to come back? And he'd seemed shocked to see her, like he hadn't had any intention of looking her up or trying to make contact with her at all.

It hurt.

Simon was supposed to be her best friend and now...

Jamie shook her head and exhaled smoke, wiping angrily at her eyes.

"That's a good way to get cancer, you know."

She snapped her head around, hurt filling her brown eyes as she looked at Simon standing there. "I know that," she snapped.

He winced. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking. How's Adelaide doing?"

"You don't need to pretend like you actually care, Simon," Jamie said. "I already know you don't."

"That's not true."

She snorted. "Oh, please. If you think I want to hear anything you've got to say now, you're clearly out of your mind. Don't think you can just show up here unannounced and start working your way back into my good graces. You lost that right when you stopped calling and replying to my texts."

Simon sighed, looking at the ground. "I know I messed up, okay? I know. I just... It was harder than I expected it to be. And then all that stuff was going on with my parents, and I just..."

Jamie frowned, confused. "All what stuff?"

"You don't know? They got a divorce. My mom started throwing around accusations and trying to get me on her side against my dad, and it all turned into this huge mess, and I just... shut them out."

That was news to her. She'd known that Simon's parents were separated, but since they had lost interest in Jamie and her mother, she'd never really stopped to find out why. It wasn't hard to imagine how difficult that must have been for Simon, but her sympathy only went so far.

"And so what? The rest of us had to be punished because your parents were being crazy? You couldn't have talked to me about it? But no. You probably made a new, smarter best friend while you were off at doctor school learning how to look down your nose at people who've been there for you for most of your life.

"It's not like that, Jamie. You know I could never replace you."

She finished her cigarette and contemplated lighting another one, but ultimately decided against it. As it was, she could stop smoking whenever she liked, and she wanted to keep it that way, irritating ex-best friend or not.

"I don't know anything anymore," she said, and her weariness shone through. "Least of all what I mean to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. Some of us still have to slum it for a living."

As she turned to head back in, she heard Simon sigh. "You're still beautiful."

And that was it. That was the last straw. Her composure was gone, and she couldn't _do_ this. Jamie whirled around, eyes blazing.

"Shut _up_! Just shut up right now. You think you can just show up here and tell me I'm beautiful and that I'll just melt into your arms even though you treated me like _dirt_ for seven years?"

"Jamie, I-"

"No. _No_ , Simon. I can understand that you needed some time and even that you didn't know how to balance school and keeping in touch or whatever, but you completely forgot about me. After you promised you wouldn't. You promised nothing was going to change, and I was an idiot for believing you."

To her horror, she was crying again. Hadn't she spent enough time going to tears about this whole thing. The truth was that no matter how many times the two of them had decided they were better off as friends who sometimes fooled around than anything else, Jamie had always loved Simon. She'd loved him ever since he'd handed her a flower when she was having a bad day back in middle school, and it hadn't changed a bit.

Seeing him now just made her heart stutter and her stomach churn, and she was so mad at herself for not being able to get over him like she should have.

Her mother hadn't wasted any time pining when her father had up and left. No, she'd gotten another job and taken care of her family because that's what you did when you only had yourself to depend on.

But Jamie couldn't lie and say that she hadn't been hoping that Simon would come back one day. The only issue was that now that he had come back, she didn't even know what to do or say to him. Part of her wanted to fling herself at him, hug him close and beg him not to leave her again.

A much bigger part wanted to slap him in the face and _then_ make-up with hugging. But the fact of the matter was that she was cold and tired and woefully unprepared for any of this.

Her break was over, and she let her hand go to the door handle. "I have to go," she said, voice no more than a whisper. "I have to work."

Simon nodded. "Okay. I... Look, I'm going to be here for a while, okay? Two weeks at the very least while I help Dad pack up the house and all that. If maybe... If maybe you want to talk or something before then, you could give me a call? My number's the same."

Jamie snorted. "Because that's worked out so well for me in the past?" she muttered. "I'll think about it."

"I can't ask for more than that," he replied.

She just shook her head and let herself back into the diner.

Sal was conspicuously quieter for the rest of her shift, and Jamie didn't comment. She made her way back out onto the floor and started working again, cleaning up dishes and taking the money Simon had left on his table to cover his meal. And of course, _of course_ he'd left an outlandish tip because apparently that's what he did now that he was well off and better than everyone else.

Jamie just gritted her teeth and stuck the money in her apron pocket, sighing as she kept working. If she kept working then she wouldn't have to think about how much she wanted to call him.

Because she shouldn't have wanted to. Not after he'd put her through years of wondering if he even still remembered she existed. But apparently saying no to Simon Blake wasn't a skill she had learned yet, even though she had been so sure that she had seven years of practice. All it took was him showing up and wanting to talk to her for her to want to fall right back in his orbit, even though she'd just told him that she wasn't going to do that.

"Truly, I am an idiot," she said to herself at the end of her shift.

She had planned to do some shopping once she was done with work, but all she wanted to do now was go home and curl up in bed, so that was exactly what she was going to do.

The rest of the world could wait until morning when she'd gotten some sleep and was better prepared to deal with it. 

# CHAPTER 5: SEEING YOU

"Well, that could have gone better," Simon muttered to himself as he sat on top of his car. It had been years since he'd been up here, but the view was mostly the same. A town like theirs wasn't likely to change too much in seven years. Sure a few businesses had probably changed hands, some new things had popped up, but it all looked the same from way up there.

He pulled his coat tighter around himself, shivering in the brisk air. Winters back at home (and it was weird to think of the city as home when he was sitting on a car in the place he grew up) had been colder than this, but for some reason, he just couldn't get warm.

Jaime.

It was definitely not the way he'd planned on seeing her again after all the time they had spent apart. Simon had entertained notions of having some speech prepared, something that would make her see that it had never been her that he'd run away from, but everything else. She'd just been...

"Collateral damage," he said, breath fogging in the crisp air. "Which hardly sounds any better."

It maybe actually sounded worse. But he didn't know what else he was supposed to say. He'd missed her, of course he had, but things had just been easier if he let it all go. Now, after seeing her again, he was wondering about the wisdom of that.

Because there was no denying that Jaime had grown up well. Despite the fact that she'd been wearing an apron and smoking a cigarette, she was his Jaime through and through, although adulthood was definitely agreeing with her.

Her hips had filled out, giving the gentle curves she'd had when they were teenagers more definition. Her face was still lovely, all sharp collar bones and a perfect heart shape, and he'd instantly remembered kissing those lips and how warm and soft they always were. It had been seven years, and apparently he was never going to be able to get her out of his system. And sometimes he didn't even think he wanted to.

But maybe he was going to have to. The anger and hurt on her face had been so startling, so painful to see. Especially since he knew he was the one who had put it there.

Simon was considering just getting back in his car and heading to his dad's house (because he was sure he'd never think of it as home again), when the glare of head light shone from behind him, along with the sound of gravel crunching under tires. Someone was coming.

Of course it made sense that some other teenagers had found this spot and decided to claim it as theirs, but Simon felt a burst of territorial possessiveness for the hill, and turned around, shading his eyes to see who it was.

He recognized the car instantly.

And clearly Jamie had no trouble being able to tell it was him because she swore under her breath as she got out of the car. "What are you doing up here?" she asked.

"I couldn't sleep. So I thought I'd come up here and see if everything was the same."

"Of course it's the same," she snapped. "What'd you think was going to change? My mom told me that this spot looked the same when she was a little girl."

Simon had forgotten that Jamie's mother had grown up here, too. He knew that she'd wanted more for her than this, but with her being so sick... "I'm sorry," he said. "About. About what happened earlier."

" _That's_ what you're sorry for?"

"Well, no, but I tried to apologize for the rest of it before, and you nearly took my head off." Jamie snorted, and Simon looked over to see her climbing into her car. "I'm sorry we met again like that," he continued. "I should have... I don't know. Told you I was coming. Gave you some preparation or something."

"Oh, right, because that would have been better. 'Hey, Jamie, I know we haven't spoken in years, but I'm coming into town for the holidays'. I would have told you where to shove it."

Simon winced. "Fair enough. I just... I don't know what I'm doing, Jamie. I never... I never thought about how I would make it right between us. I didn't know how, and I didn't even think that I was going to be coming back here. Ever. I... This place isn't my home anymore, and I just don't know how to be comfortable here."

Jamie sighed and glanced over at him. "That's fair, I guess. I mean, I still don't know the whole story with what happened with your parents, but I can see how that would make this place feel awkward now."

It wasn't an 'I forgive you, Simon', but it was something.

"Yeah. I got into town this morning and went to the house, and I just... I couldn't be there for too long. It felt too weird. So that's why I went to The Pit. You know that place was always like our second home."

"Yeah," she nodded, and a little smile flickered over her face. "It's one of the reasons why I started working there. Sal was looking for new waitresses, and I figured if I was going to be there all the time anyway, I might as well get paid for it, right?"

"Makes sense."

Jamie snorted. "You think I could do better."

Simon chose his words carefully. "I think that you always wanted more than that."

"Yeah, well, I wanted a lot of thing, Simon. Not many of them are things I can have anymore."

She looked at him, and even in the darkness he could see the sadness in her eyes. She had lost a lot, and was going to lose even more when her mother finally...

"Hey, come here," he said, patting the hood of his car. "We'll conserve body heat better this way. Has it always been so cold in the winter here?"

Jamie eyed him for a moment and then slid off of her car, coming over to sit beside him on his. Simon felt a little flare of triumph. It was a start, after all. "No, it's colder this year than it's been in a while. At least according to Hattie."

He laughed. "Hattie would know. She's been here since the town was founded or whatever." The old woman who ran the flower shop in town was full of stories and character, and Simon made a mental note to go see her in his time here.

"How long are you staying?" Jamie wanted to know.

"Just until the New Year. I took some time off work."

"You're a doctor, then?"

"Just about."

She sighed. "Sounds like you got all the things you wanted."

He looked at her seriously. "Not all the things, Jamie. Not even close." And then he was kissing her. He couldn't help it. She was so close, and she still smelled the same as she had all those years ago when they'd been sitting up here on his light night before his life changed. Simon pulled her closer, pressed his lips to hers and hoped she wouldn't push him away, even though she had every reason to.

She was stiff under him for a moment, but then she was releasing a ragged noise against his lips and her gloved hands were coming up to fist in the front of his coat, pulling him closer.

It was the same as it had been years ago, and also not the same at all. They both had more experience now, clearly, and when Jamie parted her lips, Simon pressed in, wanting to claim her for himself all over again.

That was impractical, though. He'd already proven that he was terrible at being a long distance friend, let alone a long distance... anything else. The best thing to do would be to try and see if they could salvage their friendship or just make a clean break.

But it was hard to think about being practical when she even _tasted_ the same, stirring up all those old feelings inside of him.

"I missed you," he panted against her lips when they broke their kiss to breathe. "I missed you so much. I know you think I didn't and that I'm just saying that to get in your pants, but I did. No one knows me like you, Jamie. Even now."

She shivered, and he pulled her closer instinctively. "I should hate you," she whispered harshly. "But I don't. I can't. I..." Jamie let out a shuddering breath. "Do you want to go back to your dad's tonight?"

It was already closing in on eleven, and the last thing Simon wanted was to go back to that quiet house and deal with his father. He shook his head.

"Then come home with me." 

# PART 2: PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER

# CHAPTER 6: PATHS CROSS

" _Jesus_ , Jamie."

Jamie smirked and rolled her hips again. It had been seven years since the last time they'd been together like this, but she still knew what he liked. She still knew how Simon loved her on top, how his hands felt at her hips, tracing up her sides, on her breasts. He still made that same face, too. The one where he looked at her like she was some kind of goddess made flesh come down to ride his dick.

It never stopped being flattering, and now it was downright ego stroking, considering it had been a while since she'd slept with anyone at all.

They'd gone back to her place once the cold had driven them from the hill, and hadn't even bothered to turn on the lights. Instead they'd been almost magnetized to each other, lips seeking out the warmth of the others as they kissed in the living room, shedding clothes and inhibitions as they went.

Jamie had dropped to her knees on the threshold between the living room and the bedroom, her hands smoothing down over Simon's sides and the backs of his thighs as she'd taken him into her mouth.

She remembered how he liked that, too, and his eyes had been large and bright even in the darkness of the apartment.

It hadn't been her intention to make him come right then and there, but his hips had started moving, pressing his cock further into her mouth until the head of it hit the back of her throat, and she was lost. She had to taste him, had to see if things were still the same.

Jamie was no longer that shy sixteen year old girl who had awkwardly licked and sucked him to orgasm in the back of his car that one time. Now she had experience and skill working to aid her, and she took him all the way into her throat like a pro, holding for just a second to savor the fervent swearing that Simon was doing.

His fingers were tight in her hair by the time he had come down her throat, and she swallowed all of it and then licked him clean before getting to her feet and leading him into her room.

The windows were letting in light from the moon and the streetlamp outside, and it was just enough for them to see by.

Simon flopped onto her bed, still panting hard from his orgasm, and Jamie had climbed on top of him, wet and needy. She had always been content to follow his lead when they were just starting out, but now she wanted something, and she didn't intend to rest until she had it.

She had worked her hips, gliding her slick wetness along the soft length of his cock, kissing his neck and chest while she waited for him to get hard again.

It hadn't taken long, and soon enough he was pulling her down onto his dick, stretching her open and holding her hips while they both got used to the sensation.

Jamie had to take a few deep breaths because she was overwhelmed by being here again. Simon had always felt so good, so right inside of her, and this was proof that the feeling was still the same. And it was mutual if the look on his face was anything to go by.

When she moved her hips that first time, he'd moaned for her, and that was all it had taken to have her riding him with all the desire that she felt.

"You're so beautiful," Simon panted, hands cupping her breasts, playing with her nipples.

Little shocks of pleasure went through her from the stimulation, and she couldn't help the gasp that spilled out. "You say that like you're... mmm... like you're surprised," she replied, gyrating in a slow circle.

"Not surprised," Simon groaned, his hips bucking up. "Just remembering. You've always been beautiful."

Jamie was glad for her darker complexion and the lack of light in the room since they hid her blush well. She wasn't ready to admit that his opinion still meant the world to her, so she just grinned and kept moving, riding him faster and harder and taking in the sounds of their skin slapping together as they really got into it.

There was no more breath for talking after that, just harsh panting and moans, fingers digging into flesh and leaving marks behind.

It was clear that they both wanted something they would feel the next day, and Jamie refused to let herself wonder if this was going to be a one-time thing. It might have been smarter to figure that out before she brought him back to her apartment and started undressing him, but in the moment it didn't matter.

She was focusing on how good it felt right then and there, how each time they met thrust for thrust, she shivered with pleasure, and she could feel that white hot flare of sensation building inside of her.

When it tightened and then broke, washing over her in a wave, she cried out, going tight around Simon and getting a low moan of pleasure out of him. Jamie bit her lip as her orgasm rocked her,

and then she was spent, flopping on top of Simon as he worked his hips and found his own pleasure.

They lay there together for long minutes, sweat cooling on their bodies as they caught their breath, neither of them saying anything.

Simon put his arms around her, and she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, kissing his skin lightly while he stroked her back.

It was reminiscent of their very first time together years ago, and Jamie blinked away tears as she remembered how he had held her close then, too and whispered things into her hair. She'd ended up falling asleep against him and then calling her mother to apologize for being late.

Jamie never knew if her mother had already known what she and Simon had been up to, but she hadn't been upset either way and the two of them had counted themselves lucky.

Now Simon pressed a kiss to the mess of her hair and sighed softly. "It's never like that with other people."

"Are you seriously talking about other people now while we're laying here together? Seriously?" she asked, arching an eyebrow but not lifting her head up.

"You know what I mean. I'm trying to give you a compliment. Or something."

"Or something." Jamie sighed. "I know what you mean, though. I've... Well, I wasn't exactly waiting around for you to come back, so I know that it's never as good when it's not with you."

Simon was quiet for a moment. "Do you think that means something?"

That was a stupid question. Of course it meant something. In all the books and movies, the person who always felt right to be with was the person you were supposed to stay with. They weren't supposed to move away and forget you and leave you scrambling to find someone who could be second best just to fill the void they left behind.

Jamie knew that Simon knew that. He had to know it, and it didn't matter one way or the other because there was nothing they could do but try and have fun now and then say goodbye when he had to leave again.

"I dunno," she said finally. "Maybe that we just had a lot of sex as teenagers so we know how it's supposed to go with each other."

"Yeah," he replied, voice soft. "That's probably it. Do you mind if I crash here tonight? The idea of going back out there in the cold tonight makes me want to cry."

"No, that's fine." Jamie pushed herself up onto her hands and stretched. "I need to shower, though. It's been a long day, and I am worn out."

Simon pushed her hair out of her face and grinned. "I'd say we should conserve water, but I don't think I can get up from this bed long enough to seduce you. You've killed me with good sex."

She laughed and got to her feet, shaking her head at him. "I think you'll survive. Just go to sleep, idiot."

Without waiting for a reply, she went into the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as she could stand it. She didn't want feelings right now. She wanted to revel in the way her body felt sated for the first time in a long time and not think about how unlikely it would be to happen again.

And then she wanted to sleep.

Usually she would have taken a longer shower, but there was a niggling thought in the back of her mind that made her wonder if Simon would be gone when she got out. So she washed quickly and dried off before stepping back into the bedroom, sighing with something akin to relief when he was still there, curled up in the bed under the blankets, clearly asleep.

It felt completely natural to move to the other side of the bed and slip under the covers, even without getting dressed first. How many times had they fallen asleep together like this over the years? Even before it became sexual between them, it had been their habit to fall asleep in the middle of studying or watching a movie, curled up on the couch together or sprawled across one of their beds or the floor.

Even now that they were older, their bodies still fit together in the same way, and when Simon mumbled in his sleep and reached out to pull her closer to him, Jamie smiled.

It was tinged with sadness, because she knew this wasn't going to last, but she smiled all the same. He was warm and comfortable, and he was _there_ for the moment, so she was going to take that.

The next morning found Jamie in bed alone, which wasn't something new at all. What was new, was the sensation that there should have been someone else there with her, and she blinked as memories from the night before came trickling in slowly.

She rubbed her eyes and glanced over at the spot where Simon had been sleeping, noticing that the covers were pulled up and the pillow was fluffed perfectly. Neat freak.

She half expected to find a note or something apologizing and saying that the night before had been a mistake, but there was nothing.

Well. Nothing but the sound of dishes clanging together in her kitchen, which made her sit upright in bed. Was he still here somewhere?

It wouldn't have surprised her if he'd gotten up in the early morning hours and then left, but apparently he was in her kitchen and from the smell of it, he was making coffee.

"It's a Christmas miracle," she mumbled under her breath as she got out of bed, wincing as her feet touched the cold wooden floor. Slippers and a heavy terry cloth bathrobe went a long way towards warming her up, and she made her way into the kitchen after she'd checked to make sure her hair wasn't too messy and that she didn't have drool cried and crusted on her face.

Simon had seen her look worse, but she wanted to give the appearance that she wasn't a train wreck.

"Hey," he said, smiling at her and wearing his clothes from the day before. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his phone and a streaming cup. "Coffee and hot chocolate, just the way you like it."

"You're a godsend," Jamie said, going over to pour herself a cup and lean against the table. "I'm surprised you're still here."

He looked up. "I said I was staying until the new year, didn't I?"

Jamie rolled her eyes. "No, I mean I'm surprised you're still here in my apartment. I figured you'd have gotten out while you had the chance. Considering you do plan on leaving again."

Something flickered in Simon's eyes and he dropped them down to his phone again. "That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you while I'm here," he said. "Because I do. I want to do better, Jamie. Seeing you now and remembering what we had... It makes me wish I hadn't been an idiot for seven years."

She snorted in response to that. "Well, good sex will do that to you."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

"Do I? Because I've heard all this before, Simon. All your declarations of how we're supposed to stay friends forever and all that. And look what happened."

He sighed. "I know. I know I messed up, but I want to do better. Does that not count for anything?"

The smart thing to do would be to tell him that no, it didn't count for anything. And then kick him out of her apartment and go on with her life. Maybe let him see how it felt to be ignored and treated like crap. But Jamie had never had a lot of willpower when it came to being smart about Simon, so she just sighed and drained her cup, burning her mouth on the scalding liquid and shivering at the flood of warmth.

"It counts for something," he said softly. "Anyway, I've got to go to my mom's and make breakfast for her and stuff before the afternoon nurse gets there. Which means you've gotta get out and go see your dad."

Simon scrunched up his face, and Jamie giggled because it always made him look like he was about five years old when he did that. "Do I have to?"

"Wasn't that the whole point of you coming here? The running into me and having amazing sex part was mostly just a fluke, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." He sighed heavily. "Okay, okay. I'm going. Do you want to do something later? Like get dinner or walk around. It's been so long since I was last here, and I want to see everything."

Jamie considered. "Sure," she said after a moment. "I need to do my Christmas shopping anyway, and I'm off work until after Christmas. Do you want to meet me at the mall?"

"Sounds good." Simon finished his own drink and washed his cup, leaning over to kiss her cheek before he was heading out the door with a call of "I'll text you!" over his shoulder.

Jamie was left leaning against her counter and shaking her head. "Well, at least he still has my number."

Apparently, the whole town knew that Simon was back. Her mother had commented on it as soon as Jamie had gotten through her front door, sitting in her chair and looking at her with concern.

She'd never been able to hide anything from that woman, and she didn't try to then, instead telling her about how they were trying to fix things, but she didn't know how well it was going to work.

Adelaide had narrowed her eyes and pulled her daughter into a hug, telling her to take care of herself first and foremost, and then the two of them had made waffles.

Simon had texted her that they would meet at four, do some shopping and then have dinner if that was alright with her, and by the time she was driving to the mall to meet him, she knew that everyone would have something to say about Simon's return. That was just how small towns worked. Everyone was always in everyone else's business unless they made a concentrated effort to keep it quiet.

The mall wasn't really a mall. It was a strip of stores centered around a Walmart. It was teeming with people this close to the holidays, and Jamie was half tempted to text Simon and tell him that they were driving into the city to shop there, but she knew the traffic would be even worse.

So instead, she parked got out of her car at the electronics store, pulling her coat tighter around her and jamming her hat on her head.

A quick glance around showed Simon standing at the florist's, talking to Hattie and looking like he had been there for a while, so Jamie went to rescue him.

"Ah, and there's Jamie!" Hattie said, grinning and clapping her hands.

"Afternoon, Hattie," Jamie replied with a smile. "Is this ne'er do well bothering you?"

"Oh, no, of course not," she said, flapping her hand at Jamie. "Simon Blake has always been a respectful young man, and it's just so good to see him. And you! And the two of you _together_! It's like going back in time."

Simon and Jamie exchanged uncomfortable glances, but Jamie forced her smile to stay on her face. "No such thing, Hattie. Do you have any lilies by any chance?"

The best thing to do to distract Hattie from going on a rant about how the two of them belonged together would be to get her talking about flowers. "I do!" she said enthusiastically. "For your mother? How is Adelaide?"

Jamie managed to make small talk about her mother's condition for long enough that when they finally made their excuses and slipped away, no one could say they hadn't been respectful.

"Whew," Simon said, jamming his hands into his pockets. "I forgot how much Hattie likes to talk."

"Don't see how you could ever forget that," Jamie replied, glancing at him. Did he have to be so attractive? His cheeks and nose were tinged pink with cold, and he looked dashing in his black coat with a matching scarf around his neck. He'd grown up so well, and Jamie had to look away. She knew she looked the same as always. Like she belonged in this tiny town and working at a diner, not walking with a big city doctor like she belonged with him, whatever Hattie thought. "Hattie's always been crazy," she muttered.

"Not crazy. Just... enthusiastic," Simon corrected her with a smile. "I think I actually missed her."

"Then maybe you're the one who's crazy," Jamie said. "Here, let's get some coffee or something to warm up before we start this mess."

They ducked into Open Grounds, the local coffee shop and had to endure a full ten minutes of being fussed over by the owner, even though he saw Jamie on a semi-regular basis. But apparently when she was next to Simon she was fuss worthy, and she held in her sigh of annoyance as they put in their orders.

"I didn't think people would care so much that I'm back," Simon admitted.

Jamie shrugged. "Everyone always liked you. You know that. Of course they're happy to have darling Simon Blake back on the streets. You classed the place up. Plus everyone knows you went off to the big city to make it so they think you're fancy now."

He scoffed. "I'm not fancy. I'm just. Me. I guess."

"Articulate." Jamie smiled and accepted her white chocolate mocha, letting the hot cup warm her cold fingers. "Anyway, you'd better get used to it because we have a lot of shopping to do, and it looks like the whole town is out today."

"Lovely," Simon sighed. "Let's get it over with."

It was both as bad and not as bad as Jamie had been expecting. Predictably, everyone wanted to stop and speak to Simon, and most of them commented on the fact that the two of them had glommed back together like they had never been apart. Each remark like that made Jamie flinch a little because it just wasn't true.

But it was nice to be out and about with him. Simon was still wickedly smart and funny as they worked their way through the stores, picking out gifts and making fun of the more garish decorations in some of the stores.

By seven, they were both exhausted and starving, so they put their bags in their cars and made their way to The Pit.

"You sure you want to eat where you work?" Simon had asked when Jamie suggested it.

"Are you kidding? I need a double cheeseburger ASAP after dealing with everyone today. And I don't trust anyone but Sal to make my burgers. Plus, I get a discount."

So they'd driven over and were sitting at a table. Kathryn was working, and she'd winked and greeted them both with a smile as she brought them hot chocolate.

"On the house," she said before moving on to take the orders from another table.

"I can't believe Kathryn still works here," Simon said. "I mean, what's the draw? The benefits can't be _that_ good, and she's a grown woman."

Jamie set her cup down a bit harder than she meant to, and hot liquid sloshed over the side, burning her fingers. "So am I," she said. "Is that what you think about me?"

"Jamie, be serious."

"I _am_ being serious, Simon. I'm an adult and I work here, and there aren't any secret plans for me to up and leave any time soon. So I'm asking you if that makes you think less of me."

"Of course it doesn't I just... Fine. I don't get why you would want to stay here and just. Work at The Pit and be in the same place you grew up in for the rest of your life."

Jamie let out a low breath, trying to avoid going off in the middle of the diner. "Some of us don't have the luxury of turning our backs on our family," she said, keeping her voice even.

From the wince Simon gave, she knew she had made her point.

"I'm sorry," Simon said softly. "I... Is it really bad?"

"It's... Some days are better than others. Some days... Some days I'm pretty sure she doesn't have much time left."

It shouldn't have been so satisfying to watch the dismay flicker over Simon's face, but sometimes he was really so short sighted, and he had always been the one to bring him back and make him realize that things didn't always work the way he thought they did.

"I'm really sorry, Jamie."

"I know. And it's not like I don't want to get out of here, you know. It's not like I don't want more than this. It's just that I can't do what you did. I can't decide that the people who raised me and the place I called home don't matter anymore. I would love to move to the city and start writing full time and make something of myself, but for right now I've got this. So I'm making the best of it."

Simon reached out and covered her hand with his. "Of course. That makes sense. I just. I want you to be happy, Jamie. And I know I've done a really crappy job of proving that so far, but I do. I want you to have all the things you want, and I know you can get them because you're smart and talented and hard working."

Jamie hated herself for blushing a little bit. "Oh, shut up. Tell me what's so great about the city anyway."

She leaned back in her seat and listened as Simon described the food and the people and the atmosphere and how much he had learned and seen since he'd left. He made it sound wonderful, and it was very clear that he had a life there that was working out well for him. As much as Jamie wanted to hate him for it, she could only be happy. Because he deserved it.

And if that meant that this was going to be short lived and when the new year rolled in he would go back to being a stranger, well. Maybe she'd be more prepared for it this time.

At the very least.

# CHAPTER 7: BONDING TIME

If there was one thing that Simon had forgotten it was how slow time moved when you were in a small town. Compared to the city where everything was fast and hurried, being here was like watching molasses roll down a window pane. A cold window pane.

And yet, at the same time, it was already dangerously close to Christmas.

He sighed for what had to be the fifteenth time in half as many minutes, and his father looked up at him. "It can't be that bad, Simon," he murmured. "Can it?"

And then he felt bad.

Matthew Blake was a hardworking man. Always had been. He was the local veterinarian and had been married to Simon's mother since he was twenty years old. When Simon was a child, his father had always been full of life and energy, but it was clear that the ordeal with his now ex-wife had taken a toll on him.

He seemed like a shadow of himself, quieter, smaller even, and Simon didn't know how to interact with him anymore.

"Maybe it can," he replied a little petulantly, pushing a photo album into one of the boxes they were packing without looking through it.

"This is hard for me, too, you know," Matthew said. "I know you hate it here and everything, but we're basically putting my home in storage."

Of course, his father did always know how to make him feel small and guilty with his words, but in this case, Simon supposed he deserved it. "Sorry," he mumbled, aware that he had been saying that a lot lately.

Apparently he just couldn't seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth, and he was very well aware that he had forgotten how to interact with these people. They were his friends and family, but somewhere in the last seven years Simon had lost the part of himself that understood them.

He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about that, so he just decided to push it to a small corner of his mind and focus on the task at hand.

They were in the living room, packing up old photo albums and books, things that they had collected as a family since before Simon was born. He could see the pain in his father's face every time he came across something that had been picked out or own by his mother, and he felt like he needed to say something.

"Do you ever talk to her?"

Matthew shook his head. "No. I haven't heard from her since she left. She didn't exactly leave a forwarding address. Do you talk to her?"

"Nope. She didn't even call to tell me where she was moving to. I guess she thinks I knew about the affair or whatever, I don't know."

His father sighed. "The whole thing was a mess. And... I haven't wanted to say this because I don't think it's productive to drag up the past relentlessly, but you're a man now, so I'm going to say it. I was very hurt when you just cut me out of your life."

Simon swallowed hard. "Yeah, well. I was very hurt when your marriage started falling apart and you guys put me in the middle."

"How did we put you in the middle?"

He dropped the book he'd been about to pack and looked at his father incredulously. "Are you kidding me right now? Every other day one of you was calling me to complain about the other. Mom called me in the middle of the night to talk about how she was sure that you weren't really handling an emergency call, you were going off to meet some hussy or something. And you would call me to talk about what I thought you should do. I was eighteen! How in the world would I have known what you should do?"

Matthew looked away. "Alright, that's fair. I... I didn't want to lose you, too, Simon, alright? I had no way of knowing what your mother was saying to you or if she was trying to make you hate me or what. I just wanted to make sure you knew the truth."

"I already knew the truth, Dad. Do you really think I believed that you were sneaking out of the house to meet up with your secret lover?"

His father had to smile at that. "No, I suppose you wouldn't have. And I do understand that things were hard for you. You were away from home and in school and your mother and I did not make things any easier for you. I've just missed you. You're my son."

"I know, Dad," Simon murmured. And he did know. He knew that Jamie wasn't the only person he had hurt with his silence, and he supposed that now was the time when he was supposed to be making up for all of it. He'd come back, come home, and he could start over if he really wanted to. Do better when it came to making sure that these people knew that they mattered to him.

"Enough of that," Matthew said, getting to his feet and wiping his hands on his jeans. "I'm starving. What do you say to ordering some pizza?"

Simon grinned, and his stomach rumbled loudly. "I say that sounds good. Does Gino's still put pineapple on everything whether you order it or not?"

"Yep. Unless you complain about it, and then they put anchovies on it."

He laughed. "That's disgusting. Pepperoni and bacon?"

"Of course."

From there it was easier. He had always gotten along with his father and it was nice to be reminded of that. Matthew had been the one who supported his dream of being a doctor and going to a school that would be more expensive, but ultimately more rewarding.

Apparently all they had really needed was a way to clear the air between them to make things better, and now that it had happened, the familiar air of camaraderie had returned.

They ate pizza and talked about Simon's classes and the people at the hospital where he was working, and in general it was a very nice way to pass an afternoon.

"So," Matthew said, once the pizza box was empty. "I'm sure Jamie was happy to see you."

The way he said it was laden with suggestion, and Simon made a face. "Not really. She came pretty close to punching me in the face, actually. And she cried."

"Well, I don't think you can blame her for that. She loved you and you were just gone. What are you planning to do about it?"

Simon blinked. "What?"

"What?" Matthew echoed. "You knew that. That she loved you."

"No, I didn't. I mean. As a friend, yeah. I love her the same way, but that's all. We were always really careful not to get tangled up in relationship stuff."

His father arched an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Well, I hate to break it to you, son, but I've seen the way that girl looks at you, and she's been in love with you since you were about fourteen years old. I thought that you cutting everyone off would change it, but there's already rumors flying about how the two of you were out and about yesterday."

"I forgot how bad people are around here for being in everyone else business," Simon muttered, raking a hand through his hair. "And for the record, Dad, I really don't think Jamie's in love with me."

Matthew just smiled. "Whatever you say, Simon. Do you want to start on the kitchen while I finish up in here?"

Simon nodded and took a box, moving into the kitchen with his brow furrowed. He'd know, right? If Jamie was in love with him? Maybe she had been when they were teenagers and he'd just been too stupid to notice it, but there was no way that she still had feelings for him now after what he had done, right? She'd have to be like the most forgiving person in the world for that to be the case.

And yet.

And yet they had ended up in bed together only a few hours after she had gotten done telling him how horrible he was. Apparently they just couldn't stay away from each other, even after seven years of separation.

Of course there was also the fact that being in bed with her had felt more right than anything else. Simon hadn't really slept around when he was in school, but he'd had a few flings, and none of them had been as good as that one night with Jamie. Maybe it was all nostalgia. Maybe he was making things seem like they were better than they were or had been. He didn't know. But either way, after the holidays, he was going to have to go back to his life and his job, and he didn't think it was going to be that easy to do this time.

The image of Jamie, flushed and sweaty from sex, sitting astride his hips like she was some kind of queen, flashed through his mind, and the sheer longing that rose up inside of him was startling.

Maybe it didn't matter if Jamie was in love with him when there were definitely certain parts of Jamie that Simon was in love with.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

He sighed and turned his attention to the dishes and everything. Matthew was going to be taking most of those with him, but the appliances and furnishings would be staying behind. In an effort to try and get him to move in, he already knew.

It was a good deal, actually. The house was already paid for and all he would need to handle was the utilities and upkeep, which would probably be around the same price as what he was paying for rent and utilities combined at his apartment.

It wasn't that he had written the idea off completely, either. One day he could see himself here, but it would have to be with a fresh start. A new family.

This was the house where his old family had died and been buried just about, so he was going to need some new memories.

Of course, as soon as he thought that, the image of Jamie, hair messy and feet bare, standing in his kitchen with her hands on her hips as she asked when dinner would be ready popped into his mind and he had to shake his head vigorously to get it out.

Because it wasn't such a bad picture when he looked at it like that.

But it was impossible. They both had things they wanted and maybe they were on each other's lists now, but that didn't mean that it was going to stay like that.

Simon worked steadily through the afternoon and early evening, helping his dad pack up all of the house's front rooms. Boxes were everywhere, and Matthew had begin sorting them into piles according to if they were going to his new apartment or if they were going into the attic for storage.

It was weird seeing so much of his childhood and teenage years packed away like that, and he could understand why his father looked so sad.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he tugged it out, smiling to see a text from Jamie.

_You wanna do something tonight?_

He did.

"So, are you heading over to the new place tonight, Dad?" Simon asked his father, stretching and relishing the cracking of bones in his back. It had been a while since he'd done so much heavy lifting in one day before, and he knew his muscles were going to be protesting later.

"I think so, yes. I think if we keep working at this pace we can be done before Christmas, but I know you might have things you want to do."

"What are we doing for Christmas anyway?" Seven years had gone by since the last time he'd had Christmas dinner with his father, and he could only imagine how depressing it would be for it just to be the two of them after the massive dinners they used to have with his family and Jamie and her mother.

Something occurred to him, then, and he grinned. "Actually, Dad, what do you think of another joint Christmas? Like we used to do before everything went to crap? I know it's just going to be Jamie and her mom at their house, and Jamie said something about how she was having dinner catered for the two of them. We could make some stuff to take over there, and then maybe it wouldn't be so quiet."

Matthew smiled. "I like that idea. Your mother was half convinced that I was having an affair with Adelaide after you left, so the dinners stopped, but it also wouldn't have been the same without you. Do you want to call Jamie and ask her about it and then let me know?"

"Sure thing." Simon started pulling on his coat and gloves, preparing to brave the frigid air once more. "I'm meeting her for dinner anyway, so I'll text you."

His dad smirked at him. "Should I be expecting you either here or at the apartment tonight?"

Simon already knew his response to that was going to be to blush hard, so when the rush of heat hit his face, he just turned away, pretending like he needed to fix his coat. "No, probably not. But I've got keys to both places either way."

"That you do. Then I'll see you tomorrow."

His father hugged him and headed to his car with the boxes he was taking with him, leaving Simon standing in the entry way of the house with the cold wind soothing the heat in his cheeks.

"You're being an idiot," he mumbled under his breath. With a shake of his head, he closed the door behind him and got into his car, heading towards The Pit to meet Jamie.

They had both decided that it was much too cold to eat in their usual spot, and there were still more people who wanted to fuss over Simon's return, so The Pit it was.

"Plus," Jamie said, grinning when he walked into the diner some fifteen minutes later. "The closer it gets to Christmas the more random dinner items appear on the menu. Like tonight it's chicken and dressing, and you know I can't turn down chicken and dressing."

Simon did know that, and he laughed and settled in before explaining to her about his idea for Christmas.

Jamie's eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly. "Oh, man. Mom would love that. I know she missed having bigger dinners when you left, and she never knew what was going on with your parents. Which is impressive since most people in this town know everything."

"My dad went out of his way to make sure no one would know," Simon explained.

"Makes sense."

They ate their meals along with massive slices of apple pie and discussed the menu for Christmas dinner, and Simon was struck all over again by how much this place could seem like home sometimes. 

# CHAPTER 8: THE JOY OF CHRISTMAS

Christmas Day was bitterly cold, but the sun was shining, illuminating the snow that had fallen in the night.

Jamie woke up in her bed, draped over the warmth of Simon with a blanket pulled up over her head. She already knew her hair was a mess and that she had probably drooled a little in the night, but she was so comfortable she didn't want to move. Unfortunately, she still had to go pick up the food for dinner and get dressed and then help her mother with everything.

She poked her head out of the tangle of blankets to see that Simon was already awake. He was texting and when her head appeared, he grinned down at her.

"I was worried you were going to suffocate down there," he said.

"Nope. No suffocation here, doctor. What time is it?"

"Quarter after nine," Simon replied, smothering a yawn with one hand. "I told Dad I would be over at eleven to help him start cooking for everything, and he says we should be at your mom's house by six."

Jamie nodded, stretching before rolling over to flop onto her back. "Okay that sounds good. I've gotta go over to mom's soon anyway and help her get the last of the decorations and stuff up. She's going a little overboard, but she's so happy about this that I'm not going to try and stop her."

Overboard was an understatement.

When Jamie had told her the plan for Christmas, her mother's entire face had lit up. She'd looked so excited at the prospect of a Christmas where it was more than just the two of them, and immediately had asked Jamie to help her get the decorations up from the basement.

It had taken a combination of Jamie and the afternoon nurse to keep Adelaide in her seat so they could take turns bringing things up while her mother kept leaping up and saying she wanted lights everywhere.

Jamie honestly didn't mind that she was about to spend the next few hours decorating only to have to take it all back down again. Having her mother be excited about something like this made her happy, and the joy on Adelaide's face took years off and made her look less weary.

So she was going to drag herself out of the warmth of the bed, grab a shower (because there was no reason for her mother to have to deal with her smelling like sex), and then head over to get the festivities started.

"Merry Christmas, by the way," Simon said, leaning over to kiss her on the lips.

"Merry Christmas," Jamie replied with a grin. "I don't think my mom has been this excited for a Christmas in years."

"Well, I'm glad we can help, then. She deserves a good Christmas. So do you."

Jamie rolled her eyes and sat up. "And enter Simon Blake, the handsome and charming hero to bring Christmas joy to the poor townspeople." She fluttered her eyelashes ridiculously. "How can we ever repay you, handsome hero?"

You forgot charming, and I can think of a couple of ways that you in particular can repay me."

She smirked. "I'm sure you can. Unfortunately for you, I have to go get in the shower right now."

Simon arched and eyebrow and pulled her closer before she could get up. " _Fortunately_ for both of us, I'm also the hero of water conservation."

They were both laughing as they headed to the shower together.

An hour later, after finally kicking Simon out of her apartment, Jamie was pulling up in front of her mother's house. She was surprised to see Sal there already, on a ladder, stringing lights on the edges of the roof. When he saw her, he waved with a brilliant grin.

"Morning, Jamie girl!"

"Morning, Sal," she called back. "What are you doing here?"

"Came by to wish your mother a Merry Christmas and drop off some of my Christmas cookies for her and she asked if I would help. I can never say no to a woman in need."

Jamie snorted and shook her head. "Well, make sure you don't break your neck. That would put a damper on the Christmas spirit."

Sal's booming laugh followed her into the house, and Jamie unwound her scarf and took her coat off, hanging them in the closet before heading in search of her mother.

She found her in the kitchen, stirring a violently red liquid in a massive pitcher. "Christmas punch!" Adelaide said before Jamie could ask. "My mother's recipe."

"Was Grandma always drunk?" Jamie asked. She could smell the alcohol from the doorway. "That stuff smells like it could take the paint off the walls."

Adelaide laughed. "It's strong, alright. I've been instructed that I can have no more than one glass today, so I thought I should make it count."

"I'm pretty sure one glass with the alcohol content of six glasses is still over the limit, Mom," Jamie put it mildly.

Her mother waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about me, Jamie, my dear. I am going to be just fine. Oh, this is going to be so _nice._ When are you picking up the food?"

"At four," Jamie replied. "Simon said he and Matthew will be here around six. We'll have to keep everything warm until then."

Declaring her punch done, Adelaide put the lid on the pitcher and put it into the refrigerator. "Shouldn't be a problem at all," she said, smiling. A coy look stole over her face then, and Jamie was already wary. "You saw Simon this morning, then?"

"Mom," Jamie said, trying to put as much warning as she could into her voice.

"I'm just _asking_ ," Adelaide insisted. "Did you meet for breakfast? Have a nice cup of coffee?" Her innocent expression and tone were not fooling Jamie.

" _Mom_. Do you really want to discuss this? Is this really a discussion you want to have right now?"

"A discussion about whether or not my daughter is happy? Of course I want to have that discussion. Are you? Happy?"

Jamie sighed. "I guess. It's not going to last, Mom. He's gonna go back to his life and then things will go right back to being the way they were before he got here. Everyone knows that." She tried to keep her voice light as she said it, but she wasn't entirely sure that she'd succeeded.

"Maybe he won't," Adelaide returned. "Maybe he'll realize what he feels for you."

"No, Mom. That's not going to happen. And it's fine. He has his own life and goals and stuff and I have mine. That's the way it's supposed to be."

Her mother frowned at her, but Jamie avoided the look, instead moving over to the tin of cookies that Sal brought over every year. They were always massive and delicious, an assortment of shapes and flavors, and Jamie busied herself with trying one of each and then going to start decorating the tree in the living room, avoiding her mother's knowing gaze.

By the time Simon and his father arrived, the house had been transformed. It was dark outside, and Sal's hard work had the house sparkling with light. A wreath was on the door, and the living room was hung with lights and garland. The Christmas tree presided over the room, decorated with more soft lights and candy canes, and the food was on the table that had been moved in since the kitchen was not big enough (or festive enough) for all of them.

The lights were low, and Jamie was already cradling a glass of her mother's punch, which was spicy and definitely making her eyes water from how boozy it was.

For some reason, she was nervous. It had been years since they'd done a get together like this, and the last time it had happened, she'd been much younger. But now there was history and drama and all that in the background, and her stomach wouldn't stop churning.

But then Simon and Matthew breezed through the door, each carrying two covered dishes and looking windswept.

"Jamie, it's so good to see you. The house looks beautiful, Adelaide," Matthew said, letting Jamie take his dishes and leaning in to kiss Adelaide on the cheek. "Thank you so much for having us."

"Oh, it's completely my pleasure, Matt. I've missed doing this so much."

While their parents talked, Jamie moved over to Simon. He looked amazing in a red button down shirt and pressed black pants, and when he smiled at her with heat in his eyes, she had to hope that she looked half as nice in her gold dress.

"You look beautiful. Much prettier than the house," Simon said. He glanced over to make sure the parents were sufficiently distracted and then leaned down to kiss her. "Good grief, have you been chugging straight from a bottle?" he asked, amused.

Jamie rolled her eyes. " _No._ Idiot. It's mom's punch." She offered him the glass, and his eyebrows disappeared into his hair when he caught a whiff of how strong it was.

"I'll take some of that, if it's on offer," he said, grinning.

"Come on."

She took him through to the kitchen and poured him a glass of the punch before finishing off her own. "May as well take this out anyway. Do me a favor and help me keep an eye on Mom? She's only supposed to have one glass of this stuff, and not even that. But I wouldn't put it past her to try and be sneaky about it."

Simon laughed, sipping his drink. "Will do. And Dad doesn't drink anymore, so he'll at least be sober enough to pay attention. Probably more than me." And he winked at her and drank more.

"You're so useless," Jamie teased, leaning up for another kiss before they went back out.

Soon enough the small house was filled with the smells of food. Jamie had gotten a ham and a roast chicken catered, along with asparagus and potatoes and Simon and Matthew had brought mac and cheese, fresh rolls, green bean casserole and a cake with them.

There was so much to eat, and Jamie filled her plate up, pouring gravy over the meat and dipping her bread in it, relaxing and just letting everything wash over her. Her mother had started playing Christmas music on the radio, so the low sounds of carols were welcome background noise as they ate and chattered to each other.

Simon was sitting next to her, and he kept whispering jokes in her ear, making her laugh as she refilled her glass from the punch pitcher again and again. Eventually, Simon pressed a glass of water into her hand and she drank that.

It was a good time. Her mother looked radiant in her red dress, and she hadn't stopped smiling all day.

"You know," Adelaide said suddenly. "I used to think that we'd be having dinner like this for a different reason."

Jamie's head snapped up, and she already knew that this was going to be the part of the dinner where things got awkward. She and Simon exchanged glances and she sighed. "What do you mean, Mom?"

"Oh, you know. You and Simon were always so close as children."

"And teenagers," Matthew pointed out. "Couldn't pry one of you away from the other."

"Do you remember the first time Jamie had to go to the dentist so she had to miss school?" Adelaide asked, grinning.

Matthew laughed. "Yes. And Simon cried for an hour straight because I told him he couldn't go with her."

"I was like six, Dad, and I spent all my time with her. Of course I cried."

"Aww," Jamie teased. "I didn't know I meant that much to you."

"Oh, but what about the time when they both ate all the cupcakes you had made for that bake sale." Matthew said. "And then were sick for a day. I never did find out why you two thought that was a good idea."

They exchanged glances and then burst out laughing. "Because we had a bet," Jamie explained. "To see who could eat the most."

"And neither of us wanted to back down."

The stories started flying then. Some of them were things Jamie had forgotten about like the time Simon climbed the tree behind the house and got stuck but was too proud to ask for help so he stayed up there until Matthew had to come and get him.

Both Adelaide and Matthew seemed to have an endless supply of stories about what rambunctious and mischievous kids they had been, and with the punch and the good humor, Jamie spent most of the time cracking up.

She had lost count of how many times she had topped off her glass with the punch, but it was looking dangerously empty, so she poured more in, shaking her head as her mother detailed the time when she'd tried to hide Simon in her closet so he wouldn't have to go home.

"Always so inseparable," Adelaide said fondly. "I think that's why everyone's been so abuzz about Simon being back and you two being out and about together. Because it's a sight that no one has seen in years."

That made some of the good humor melt a little bit, and Jamie looked into her glass with a sigh. At her side, Simon took her hand and squeezed it, and she gave him a tiny smile.

"Everyone always commented on how strange it was to see her on her own," Simon's father said. "I always told them that Simon was probably just as strange looking where he was even though no one there would know that he was missing his other half."

The words 'other half' made Jamie have to blink against the sudden stinging in her eyes. She was not going to cry at the middle of the table on Christmas. That was too pathetic, and anyway, she'd had plenty of time to get used to the fact that she wasn't actually going to be Simon's other half. Maybe they could go back to being friends now that they had seen each other, but that was it. There wasn't going to be anything more. How could there be when their lives were so different.

"I managed," Simon said softly.

"Yeah, we all know that," Jamie muttered under her breath.

Adelaide smiled at them both. "You know, I always did think that you two would end up together. I imagined us all sitting around the table like this but as a family. You never really gave anyone else a chance, so it made sense to think that you'd end up married."

"I always thought that, too," Matthew said.

"You guys are silly," Jamie replied, putting her glass down. "Just because we were inseparable as kids doesn't mean we have to be as adults. And I mean, look at how different we are now. Simon's a big city guy who's on his way to having a fancy title in front of his name, and I'm doing things here. Good things. I'm happy with what I've got."

It sounded weak to her own ears, and suddenly she needed some air. Or just. Not to be sitting there with them all looking at her. "Would you excuse me?" she asked with a forced laugh. "Mom's punch is working its way through me."

Without waiting for a response, she got up and made her way to the back of the house, practically flinging the door to the bathroom open and locking herself inside.

Not caring whether she wrinkled her dress or not, she slid down to the floor with her back against the cold porcelain of the bathtub. Her heart hurt, and she could tell from the stuffy feeling in her head and chest that she was going to cry.

She hated crying, and she especially hated crying over this, but what else was there. How could she sit there and listen to her mother and Simon's father go on and on about how they had been practically picking out wedding china for them when they were teenagers when there was no way that was ever going to _happen._

Simon didn't need her anymore. The six year old boy who had cried at the thought of being separated from her for a whole school day was gone, and in his place was a man who had gone seven years without speaking to her once.

Jamie didn't have to guess that she wouldn't really fit in with his new lifestyle, even if she somehow ended up moving to the city.

They were just too different now, weren't they?

Thinking anything else was just a recipe for heartbreak and she couldn't go through that again.

To her horror, she realized that the threat of tears had become a reality and she covered her face with her hands, sparing a thought to be glad that she hadn't put on any makeup so it wouldn't be running right now.

She'd have to explain why her eyes were red and puffy when she went back out there, but she'd think of something. Anything so that they didn't know that this still hurt as much as it did.

She was supposed to be over this already, not sitting in the bathroom of her mother's house crying on Christmas like she was eighteen years old all over again and she knew Simon wasn't coming home for the holidays.

But maybe she'd never stopped being that girl. Maybe she would always be that girl.

Jamie cried harder. 

# CHAPTER 9: UNDER THE MISTLETOE

Simon wasn't stupid. It had been at least ten minutes since Jamie had gone to the bathroom, and she was either upset or throwing up from the sheer amount of punch that she'd had over the course of the meal.

It seemed like neither of their parents had noticed yet, both of them wrapped up in telling stories and making each other laugh, and Simon shook his head, getting to his feet unsteadily.

He wobbled a bit as he walked away from the table and then wrinkled his nose. Maybe he'd had a bit too much to drink as well, then.

Hm.

Either way, he needed to make sure that Jamie was alright. It didn't take a genius to see that the conversation they'd been having had upset her, and he couldn't say it hadn't made him a little upset, too.

The way their parents had just talked so casually about how they'd assumed that the two of them would be spending their lives together was insane, and it was definitely something he hadn't expected. But judging from the way the town had reacted to him being back and seeing the two of them out and about together, it was clear that other people felt the same way.

He didn't think Jamie felt that way, judging from the surprise that had been on her face, but it was clear that she had some kind of feelings regarding the whole thing.

The bathroom door was locked when he got there, but Simon had been to this house plenty of times when he was a kid, and he knew how to pick that lock already. He fished in his pocket for his wallet, and one credit card shimmy later, the door clicked open.

Jamie was sitting on the floor with her face in her hands, shoulders shaking, and Simon felt his heart sink. He had always hated seeing her cry.

She was one of the strongest people he knew most of the time, not showing any weakness to other people, but when she cried, she always looked small and fragile, and Simon rarely had any idea how to handle it.

"Hey," he said, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. It was chilly inside, and he knew Jamie had to be cold sitting on the tiled floor with her back to the bathtub. But she was clearly having bigger issues that just being cold at the moment, and so Simon squatted down next to her stroking her hair lightly. "What's up, huh?" he asked.

Her chuckle sounded watery and weak. "Oh, you know. Just sitting in my mother's bathroom, crying on Christmas like an idiot," she mumbled, not lifting her face.

"You're not an idiot. And if you think you're the only one crying on Christmas, I've got news for you. The holidays are the number one time for depressive episodes."

She snorted. "You really do know how to cheer a girl up, Simon Blake. Lovely bedside manner."

Simon rolled his eyes, but if she still had the means to be sarcastic at him, then she was probably going to be okay. "Shut up. You want to tell me what's wrong? Because I have a pretty good idea, but I don't want to start rambling off on it if that's not actually what's bothering you."

"It's just... I didn't know everyone expected us to get married like that," Jamie said finally. "I didn't know everyone thought we were supposed to be an item. We always said that we weren't going to date each other, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." And he did. They'd had a very serious conversation about it. Jamie had always seemed to know that Simon wanted more than this town could offer him, so they'd said that they would just be friends who sometimes slept together because that was easier. So when he left finally, they wouldn't have to try to balance being friends long distance and being in a relationship, too.

And Simon had failed at the being friends part, so he could only imagine how terrible he would have been at the rest of it.

"Jamie," he said softly. "I know you think that..." No, wait. Telling her that she thought she wasn't good enough for him was not the way to go here. He sighed and tried it again. "Jamie, you could do anything you wanted, you know that, right? You could do anything and have anyone. Being with me would be like... settling for less. And I mean, maybe when we were sixteen the idea of us getting married would have been less ridiculous, but I think..."

"I know what you think," she said, looking up finally. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy and her cheeks were wet. "You think that we're too different now, and you're right. We are. I never said I wanted to marry you, so don't come in here like you're trying to let me down easily."

Simon blinked. That hadn't been his intention, but he'd been making all the wrong moves lately. "Jamie, that's not... All I'm saying is that you won't be here forever. And when you get out and see stuff you'll see how awesome you are."

That sounded better to him, but the way Jamie narrowed her eyes made it clear that he was putting his foot in his mouth again.

"When I make it out of here, it'll only be because my mother is dead," she snapped. "We've been over this, Simon. I'm not here for my own good. I'm here for _hers._ "

God, he was just not doing well tonight at all. This was one of the reasons why he didn't drink all that often. At least not when other people were around for him to offend.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot about this, and I keep saying stuff that's terrible, and I don't... Sometimes being around you is so easy. Sometimes it's effortless. Like it used to be. But sometimes it's the hardest thing because I don't know who we are to each other anymore, and I keep trying to fall back on the way we used to be, but that's not right because it doesn't always work right if we're different, and I just don't know what I'm doing."

Jamie blinked at him, and he realized that he'd said all that in a rush of breath. "I'm never drinking again," he groaned.

She giggled and leaned into him a bit. "You say that now, but I bet you're gonna drink on New Years and when you get back to your fancy apartment in the city, you'll drink your fancy wine coolers or whatever it is you fancy big city fellas drink when you need a pick me up."

Now Simon was giggling as he pushed at her shoulder. "You're ridiculous, you know that? C'mere." He pulled her closer to him, moving to sit down on the floor and shivering when the cold from the tiles seeped through his pants.

Jamie ended up in his lap, straddling him with her dress hiked up around her hips. Her arms went around his neck, and he didn't even have to say anything before she was kissing him, leaning in and claiming his mouth with hers.

Suddenly, it didn't matter that they were in her mother's bathroom and that both of their parents were sitting out in the living room chatting and laughing. All that mattered was that Jamie seemed to need him. She was kissing him hot and hard, leaning in and rubbing against him.

He didn't know what had come over her, and he didn't much care, not when the way she was moving had him going hard under her and he wanted nothing more than to peel that dress off of her and take everything she had to offer.

"Gonna have to be quiet," he murmured, laughing a little when she smiled at him.

"Yeah," she breathed back. "We could turn the shower on."

Simon smirked. "Or just get in the shower altogether."

Jamie's eyes danced wickedly, and even though they were still bloodshot and puffy from crying, she looked happier than she had before. "You think they'll notice?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. They apparently approve, though, so what's the point in not doing it?" It made sense in his alcohol soaked brain, so when Jamie got up and offered him her hand, he took it, letting her pull him to his feet.

They wobbled and ended up against the wall next to the shower, and Simon leaned in to kiss her again, pinning her in place while he practically devoured her with his lips.

He kissed a hot trail from her mouth to her neck, groaning at the taste of her skin.

He wanted her. There was no doubt about that. He wanted her moaning for him, telling him how good he made her feel, as if he could somehow make up for all the pain he had caused her in the past by giving her as much pleasure as possible.

It was an absurd thought, but he wanted try anyway.

Her hands were already moving to undo his belt and zipper, fingers slipping into his pants to stroke his growing hardness through the fabric of his boxers.

She kissed him harder, swallowing his moan and biting down on his lower lip. He didn't know why she was so eager, and he didn't much care. Pushing into her hand and getting his own hands involved, stroking and claiming, lifting the skirt of her dress up so he could get his fingers in her underwear.

Her gasp against his mouth was delicious, and he smiled, pressing his fingers right into that little bundle of sensitive nerves and stroking, feeling gratified by the surge of wetness between her legs.

"If we don't move this along, we're gonna end up finishing right here," she whispered, and Simon grinned at her.

"What if we finish right here and then in there, too."

Jamie rolled her eyes. "I don't think we have that kind of time, Simon. They're bound to notice what we're gone eventually, and I don't know about you, but I don't really want to explain to my mom what we were doing in here."

"Okay, good point. In, then." He leaned over and started the shower going, and they both paused to listen and see if they could hear anything from the other room. There were no immediate noises, so they kept moving, letting the water heat up while they stripped each other of their fancy clothes.

"You looked so good in that," Jamie murmured, putting his clothes on the counter so they wouldn't get wet.

"I was hoping you'd like it," Simon admitted. "I knew you were going to be stunning, and I had to keep up with you." He wrapped his arms around her waist and hauled her into the shower with him, laughing when she yelped softly at the hot water on her skin.

She was so beautiful like this, and he pressed her back against the warm tiles, bending to kiss her thoroughly.

Her fingers found his erection again, and she stroked with long, sure movements, matching the way he was moving his tongue in her mouth.

The sound of the shower drowned out their moans, thankfully, and by the time Simon was turning her around so that she could brace her hands on the wall, they were both breathing harder and clearly desperate for it.

"Don't move," he whispered against her ear, dipping his head to lick hot water from her shoulder and halfway down her spine.

Jamie arched and made a pleading noise, spreading her legs wider when he slipped fingers inside of her, working them and delighting in the breathless moans. "Simon, stop _teasing_ ," she groaned, wiggling a little.

He slapped her ass playfully. "What did I say about moving?"

Her eyes were even darker with the need she was clearly feeling. "Come _on_."

Simon couldn't ignore that. Before he had registered the decision to stop messing with her, he was pushing into that warm wetness, sliding inside and letting his fingers grip her hips hard.

The sight of her back bowing inwards as she pushed her hips out was enough to have him pushing in harder, making her gasp.

Water beaded on her dark skin, and Simon found himself wanting to lap up every drop with the flat of his tongue until she was begging for him. There'd be time for that later, though. In a place where their parents weren't just down the hall.

He had it on good authority that Jamie had a shower in her apartment, and they could do this there much easier.

It wasn't the drawn out experience that Simon had in his mind, but they didn't have time for that. Instead it was quick and dirty, skin slapping skin, harsh breathing and cries drowned out by the pounding water.

Jamie went deliciously tight around him when she came, and Simon wasn't far behind, pushing in as deep as he could and holding as the spasms of pleasure washed over him. They both heaved for breath, not moving until a particularly loud burst of laughter from the living room startled them and had them moving apart.

From there, it was just a matter of getting dry and getting redressed.

"I'll go back out first," Jamie said as she ran fingers through her hair, making a face in the mirror. She didn't look as rumpled or sad as she could have, and that was just going to have to do.

"Sounds good," Simon replied. "I'll follow in a minute or two. Maybe come out from the kitchen so it seems like we weren't in the same room. Maybe I'll pretend like I was on my phone."

Jamie giggled and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "You're so smart." She slipped out of the bathroom, and Simon listened to her footsteps as she walked down the hall. He could hear the murmur of voices as she talked to her mom and his dad, and he smiled, leaning against the door.

For the first time since he'd left and never looked back, this place was feeling like home. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Adelaide's house had always been warmer and more homey than the house he'd grown up in, but he felt like he was getting a glimpse of what his life would have been like if he'd stayed here.

He and Jamie would probably have started dating, and even if his mother had still gone off the walls like she had while he was gone, they probably still would have had Christmases together like this.

Maybe they would be married by now, or at least engaged. Maybe they would have been happy.

Simon shook his head. He was happy with his life, he really was. Sometimes he was busier than he wanted to be and sometimes his apartment was lonely and he wished he had someone to be there when he got in from a late shift or someone to kiss him goodbye when he had to go in for an early one, but for the most part he was happy.

He'd never believed in a person getting everything they wanted out of life anyway. That was for the movies and TV shows. And considering that he already had most of the things he wanted, he didn't think he had much room to complain at all.

But there was still that voice in the back of his mind that told him there were things missing and that the only way he was going to get those things would be if he stepped up and was honest about them.

"I think he went to take a phone call," he heard Jamie saying from the living room, and he shook his head. Now was not the time to be dwelling on stuff like that, anyway.

Instead he checked in the mirror to make sure that his clothes were straight and then opened the door, stepping out into the hall and taking a shortcut through the kitchen.

"Sorry, everyone. Some of my friends from work called to wish me a Merry Christmas."

"Oh, it's no problem, Simon," Adelaide said, grinning and giggling. Simon had to wonder if she'd managed to get more than one cup of the punch after all. "Come and sit down and have some cake."

Cake, much like sex, didn't solve anything, but he wasn't going to deny himself either of those tonight. It was Christmas, after all.

# CHAPTER 10: LETTING GO AGAIN

They didn't speak of it again after that night, but they spent as much time as they could together. Without them having to say it, they both knew that Simon's time at home was coming to a close, and soon he was going to have to go back to his life.

With him having to help his dad finish packing up the house and Jamie having to go back to work, they didn't have all that much time to spend together, but they managed to squeeze in nights and mornings, laying in bed together and whispering about the things they wanted, the things they were going to do better.

Simon swore up and down that this time would be different. He'd made his peace with his father, he said, and now that he and Jamie were back on good terms, he didn't want to lose her again.

It reminded Jamie so much of that night on her car, sitting there under the stars and listening to Simon's promises. She'd had the same feeling in her stomach that night as she did when Simon talked about how they were going to visit each other and how he wanted his friends from the hospital and college to meet her. How he wanted to keep her as a part of his life.

It sounded good, of course, but it had sounded just as good seven years before when she had been younger and less sad about the whole thing.

Simon's intentions were good, she knew that. She knew that he was actually going to try this time, but she also knew that if it didn't work, the two of them weren't going to be able to put themselves back together. Not twice. She'd given in this time because she'd always held onto some hope that he would come back and let her into his life again, but she wouldn't be able to deal with it if it happened again.

Jamie didn't talk about that, though. Instead she smiled at him when he came into The Pit for dinner after spending the day with his father. She brought him coffee and let him kiss her on the cheek before she went off to take other people's orders.

The town continued to chatter about the two of them, but she didn't care about that. For the moment, she was just going to enjoy it.

"How long is he going to be here?" Adam asked a couple of days after Jamie had come back to work.

He was glaring through the kitchen window at Simon who was sitting at his usual table with his laptop, typing feverishly.

"Just until the new year," Jamie replied. "Why? Do you have some kind of problem with him? I didn't even think you knew him." She couldn't remember when Adam had moved to their town, but she was pretty sure that it had been after Simon had left.

"I don't," he said. "But he's just so... pompous."

Jamie frowned. "Simon is? Are we talking about the same guy?"

" _Yeah_ , we are," Adam insisted. "Look at him sitting there with his fancy computer like he owns the place. Always making you bring him drinks and stuff. It's dumb."

"You do realize that it's my job to bring him drinks, don't you? Because I'm a waitress and he's sitting in my section?" In the back of her mind, she could hear Kathryn telling her that Adam was interested in her, and suddenly the idea didn't sound as farfetched as it might have before.

Adam scowled. "Why doesn't he just go sit in someone else's section?"

"Because he's my friend, Adam. I don't mind waiting on him. It's not a big deal. He'll be gone soon, and I'm enjoying being able to see him even though I have to work." Jamie didn't even have to turn around to know that Sal was listening in to their conversation, and before Adam could say anything else, Sal was hitting the order up bell with his massive hand.

"Melt for table five!" he called, even though they were standing right there.

"I'd like to keep my hearing, Sal, thanks," Jamie said, shooting him a look before she scooped up the plate and went to take it to the proper table. She was grateful for having an excuse to not be talking to Adam anymore, though, and she sighed, hoping he wasn't expecting anything from her.

As the year drew to a close, Jamie started getting herself prepared for saying goodbye to Simon again. She knew that it would be different this time around, considering he was just a couple hours' drive away from her, and now that she knew that he would actually welcome a visit, it was easy to talk about how it would work.

"I don't get that many off days," Simon had explained on one of the last nights in December while they were laying in bed together. "And my hours are insane, and since I took off two weeks for the holidays, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be like fifty before I get more than a day off at a time, but I'd try really hard to squeeze in time for you if you came. There's loads to see in the city anyway, so you could explore and stuff while I'm working. Maybe see if anyone's hiring for writing jobs."

Jamie made a face at him and tossed her pillow at his face. "Give it a rest, Blake," she said. "I'll get there. Jeez."

But she was touched that he cared. When he'd cut off all contact the first time, she had convinced herself that it was because he didn't actually care about her and that everything he'd said had been a lie. And while that wasn't the most sensible way to think about it, it had made sense to her in her heartbroken state.

She was determined that instead of fussing at him, she was going to treasure these moments while she could, so she rolled over and kissed him hard on the mouth to get him to shut up. And also so they could start round two now that they were both recovered from the first round of hands and mouths being everywhere.

New Year's Eve was also Simon's last day with them, and they had a busy day. It started at Adelaide's house, with her toasting to Simon's career and that he would treasure the things and people he had more now than he had in the past. Matthew had hugged his son and wished him well, and Jamie was polite enough to turn her face away when Simon got a little choked up.

She knew that he felt bad about how he had treated his father when he needed him, so it was good that they had reconciled.

This trip had obviously done Simon a lot of good all around.

From there, they went to the party at The Pit. Every year Sal made bunches of food and there were drinks and people from all over the town came in to celebrate the new year. The place was packed when they arrived, and Jamie and Simon immediately found themselves with drinks in their hands, courtesy of a winking Kathryn.

"Ring in the new year right," she said, laughing.

"Kat, there's still at least two hours before it's officially the new year. You just want to drink."

She shrugged, knocking back a shot. "Guilty. Simon, don't you go forgetting us again, boy. You hear me? I'll send Sal after you if I have to."

The two of them watched as she made her way over to where Sal was handing out slider burgers to a group against the wall. When she leaned up and kissed him right on the mouth, they both stared.

"Everything makes so much sense now," Simon said, chugging his drink. "And also I feel like most of my life has been a lie. How old even is Sal?"

Jamie shook her head. "I have no idea. I am so confused right now."

But there was music playing and people dancing, and when Simon offered Jamie his hand, she took it and let him lead her out into the middle of the diner, laughing as they danced together.

She couldn't think of any better way to spend the last day of the year, and when Simon leaned into her and whispered that they should go somewhere else, she had to smile and agree.

Luckily, neither of them had had more than one drink, so they got back in the car with less than half an hour to go and drove up to their spot.

It was the perfect place to ring in the new year together, though she was struck with the nostalgia of the fact that this was the place where they had said goodbye the last time. Of course, it was too cold for them to have sex on the car this go round, not to mention that it was snowing softly, but when Simon pulled out a thermos of hot chocolate and a blanket, Jamie was more than willing to sit on the hood under his arm and drink.

"Where'd you get this?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Sal, actually. He passed it to me on our way out with one of those winks that makes you want to clean your brain out with bleach."

"Especially considering the fact that he was definitely getting eyes from Kathryn all night."

Simon laughed. "You know what they say. Whatever you're doing at the stroke of midnight is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year."

Jamie looked up at him, leaning in closer as a gust of cold wind whipped up. "Is that what they say? And what do you plan to be doing at the stroke of midnight, Dr. Blake?"

He met her eyes seriously. "Sitting here with you. Being with you. Because, Jamie, it doesn't matter how we do it. It doesn't matter if we're sleeping together or just being friends. I need you in my life. I was happy back in the city, and it's definitely the place I want to be, but seeing you and spending these last several days with you reminded me of the things I don't have there. None of those people have known me since before I knew how to ride a bike or got chicken pox with me so neither of us had to suffer alone. I want to be doing this in some way, shape, or form for the rest of the year."

His words filled her with warmth even as she registered their bittersweet nature. It wasn't him saying that he was in love with her or that he wanted to spend his life with her, but it was good enough. It was enough to have her smiling and leaning up to kiss his cheek before she took another swig of the hot chocolate.

"When do you leave?" she asked after a moment had passed.

"Too early tomorrow morning. Like six. I'm not looking forward to it."

She snorted. "Guess I'd better not keep you up too late tonight, then, huh?"

"Eh, I think I'll chance it. I would leave later, but I've got a lot to do when I get back home and I have to work the day after at four in the morning. So. It's gonna be a mess."

Jamie made a face and shook her head. "Being a doctor sounds like too much work to me."

"It can be, but I love it. It's what I've always wanted to do."

"I know." And she did. Ever since they were kids, Simon had always talked about being a doctor and helping people. He'd "operated" on her dolls and was the first one to feel her head and bring her medicine when she had been sick. She could only imagine that he was good at it with his gentle hands and warm manner.

As the last minutes of the year slid away, Jamie let out a slow breath, closing her eyes and making herself a promise. Simon had the career he'd always wanted, and maybe it was time for her to start seriously pursuing her own dreams. She had enough money saved up that she could cut back on her hours at the diner if she wanted to and maybe start looking for stuff on the internet.

"Here we go," Simon said, sitting up and looking at his phone. "Thirty seconds."

Together, they counted down until midnight, grinning at each other as fireworks erupted over the town. They had the perfect vantage point, and a gust of wind rushed over them, drawing them closer together.

Simon slipped his hands into Jamie's hair, and he leaned in closer, closing the distance until he was kissing her hard.

She gave herself over to it, her heart pounding with how much she loved this man. The words were on her lips because surely now was the perfect time to tell him, right when they were literally on the edge of a brand new beginning, but she didn't want to ruin the moment by making things awkward. So she swallowed her words and kept kissing him, not thinking about the fact that he would be leaving in a few hours or that she had to work the next day or anything like that.

For the moment, she just wanted the illusion.

Of course that illusion was shattered completely when Simon's phone alarm went off hours later, and he had to drag himself out of her bed and into his car to start the drive back to the city.

They kissed for long minutes before Simon finally had to go, and when he did, her apartment seemed emptier, quieter than usual, and she had to sigh.

Two weeks of having someone to share her bed and her space with had apparently already ruined her. Before Simon had come back, she'd actually enjoyed having her space to herself, and now she was gazing forlornly around her bedroom, wishing he would come back.

Sleep did not come again, so she got up and started cleaning, vigorously scrubbing and washing and folding until it was time for her to go to her mother's.

Jamie waited with baited breath for the first message from Simon, and when he texted her that he'd gotten back to his apartment safely and that he missed her, she held onto the hope that things might just work out alright for them.

January picked up speed, and soon enough they were in the middle of the month. It was cold and wet, rain turning into snow and then melting into slush in the afternoon before refreezing at night, and people hurried from their cars to The Pit, eager for a big bowl of Sal's famous chili before they went about their days.

Jamie was serving bowl after bowl and seemingly endless cups of coffee when he phone buzzed in her pocket.

Assuming it was a text from Simon, who had been messaging her at least once a day since he'd left, she took her ten minutes and stepped into the back to check it.

It wasn't a text, though. Instead it was a notification from the app she'd downloaded to keep track of her period.

The notification was saying that unless she'd forgotten to log the start of her cycle, she was a week late. That wasn't anything out of the ordinary, really. She started late or early all the time, and so she didn't think anything of it. Stress usually threw her hormones out of whack, and while she'd had a good Christmas and New Years all things considered, they hadn't been what anyone would consider stress free.

Putting it out of her mind, she went back to work.

In late January, Adelaide got sick, and Jamie didn't have time to think about herself or her body. She was busy caring for her mother, staying later and helping the nurses, and when it turned out to be just a bad bought of the flu and not a turn for the worse, Jamie's relief was palpable.

By mid February, she was getting another notification from her phone, and it hit her that she still hadn't had her period.

It was easy enough to continue to blame it on stress, but something told her that it was better to be safe than sorry about stuff like this. Especially given the number of times she and Simon had slept together while he'd been in town. It only made sense to check.

Her heart was pounding and she felt a little sick as she went to the drugstore after work one night. She'd been distracted all day over this, and she just wanted to know one way or the other, although it would have been obvious which way she was hoping this would turn out.

Never before had she been hoping that she had just been really stressed out for the past two months.

Luckily, no one she knew was working the register, and she didn't care if the pimple faced teenage boy who rang up her soda and three pregnancy tests looked at her strange. She didn't have to prove anything to him, and hopefully he didn't know who she was so she wouldn't have to deal with the rumor the next day.

She chugged the soda on the way home, and when she got in, she headed straight for the bathroom. No use delaying the process, right?

Those were probably the longest thirty seconds of her life, but when she looked down at the test, there was no denying what she saw.

By the time midnight rolled around, she had taken all three tests and each one of them told her the same thing.

She was pregnant.

Jamie slid down to the bathroom floor with her head in her hands. This had _not_ been a part of the plan. Never in her life had she had to worry about something like this. She's always been so careful, always. She liked kids, sure, but she'd always thought that she would be married before she started having them. Living in a nice home with a steady job that didn't leave her smelling like French fries and coffee at the end of the day. And then stupid Simon Blake had come along and thrown everything out of whack and now she was _pregnant._

What was she going to tell people? What was she going to tell her mother?

And the biggest question of all: what was she going to tell Simon?

Because he had a part in this, just like she did. There was no doubt that this was his baby. Before he'd come back it had been several months since she'd last been with anyone. And now she was pregnant.

What would he do?

What would he _say_?

She didn't even know how he felt about kids or if he wanted any, and she already knew that he probably didn't want any _now_ when he was still getting his life in order and trying to reach his goals.

Before she knew it, she was crying, her shoulders shaking and the sound of her sobs echoing in the bathroom.

Jamie had dealt with a lot of hard things in her life, but how in the world was she going to deal with this?

# PART 3: WHERE YOU LAND

# CHAPTER 11: MORE GIFTS

The hospital was the same busy, chaotic place it had always been when Simon got back to it. After the small, rather insulated nature of being back in the place where he'd grown up, being back in the city with all its noise and bustle was jarring at first, but then it felt like home all over again.

He had just enough time to unpack and clean up when he got back to his apartment, ordering a large Chinese food dinner and tucking in before he went straight to bed in anticipation of his first shift of the new year.

Having a break had been nice, he had to admit, but there was nothing like getting back to work when you loved what you did, and he had missed it dearly.

Rubbing sleep from his eyes and finishing a to go cup of coffee, Simon passed through the automatic doors, shoes squeaking on the shiny linoleum of the lobby.

"Well, Happy New Year, Dr. Blake," called Ruby, the nurse behind the front desk. She flashed him a grin and a wave. "Long time, no see."

Simon grinned back and shrugged. "Had to take a break at some point. It's good to be back, though."

Ruby snorted. "You say that now, but you just wait until you get upstairs. Bus crash last night because of the black ice. Forty people in stable to critical condition. Place is a mad house."

He couldn't help the fact that his smile stayed in place. "I'm not happy about the bus crash, but it's good to have something to do again."

She shook her head at him and waved him towards the staircase that led up to the second floor and the general ward.

It was buzzing with life when he got there, doctors and nurses hustling from place to place and the beeping of machines under it all. This was what he had started this job for. For the feeling of plunging into the chaos and leaving order and well being in his wake.

He caught sight of one of his mentors and hurried over. "Dr. Hernandez," he said, smiling. "Where do you want me?"

"Oh, Simon. You're back. Excellent. There's a young girl in room 210, and she's got multiple fractures. You're good at soothing the young ones, so see if you can calm her down long enough to get the IV in her. She needs to be out so we can set her arms and legs."

Simon winced. Being young and having several weeks in casts to look forward to couldn't be fun. He nodded and headed off, snagging her chart as he went.

His work load didn't let up until the hour after lunch time, when he finally managed to get a break long enough to go down to the cafeteria and collapse into a chair with a cup of coffee and a sandwich.

He'd spent the morning going from room to room and bed to bed, stabilizing patients and discharging others, talking to worried family members and assuring them that their loved ones were getting the best care possible. There wasn't time to think about how hungry he was or how tired he was going to be when he finally got done, and he was nearly slumped over the table now that he had a break.

The cafeteria wasn't full, by any means, but there was the occasional tired looking doctor nursing a cup of coffee and worried looking groups of visitors who seemed to have claimed all the tables by the windows.

Actually, it was rather quiet at the moment, and a true testament to just how busy things were on the wards if all the doctors were otherwise occupied. He was grateful to have grabbed a break when he could, even though the thought of having to get back up and get back to it loomed over him.

While it was on his mind, he sent Jamie a text, letting her know that his first day back was hectic.

It hadn't been two days yet and he already missed her something fierce and couldn't fathom how he had gone seven years without speaking to her.

Obviously he wouldn't be doing that again.

By the time he put down his phone, the chair across from him was occupied by Nurse Abigail Fuller, a pretty young woman a little bit older than him with vivid red hair and a face full of freckles. She smiled, flashing dimples when he looked up at her. "Simon," she said, sounding almost breathless. "I heard you were back. How were your holidays?"

"Better than expected," Simon replied, leaving it at that. He didn't know her well enough to get into details, even though she seemed to have a habit of being wherever he was when they had down time.

It was obvious that she was interested in him, but Simon didn't return the feeling. She was lovely, but there was just something about her that put him off. She never seemed to have any trouble talking to him, but Simon found himself struggling to do more than return her words with polite responses before he was ready to escape.

"We missed you around here," she said, fingers wrapped around her own cup of coffee. "Somehow this place seemed smaller."

He arched an eyebrow. "Really? I find that hard to believe."

"Maybe it was just to me, then," Abigail said, shrugging. "Either way, it's good to have you back."

Simon smiled politely. "Thanks."

"You know, I um. I made a New Year's Resolution this year. It's probably silly, but I thought it would be a good way to start things off, you know?"

"Sure. Makes sense. I thought about it, but I'm so bad at that kind of thing."

Her smile widened as she leaned a bit more across the table. "Do you want to know what my resolution was?"

"Sure."

"I'm going to try and be better about going for the things I want," Abigail replied. "Not give up before I try and all that."

He could clearly see where that was going, so he crumbled up the wrapper from his sandwich and got to his feet. "Well, I wish you luck with that Nurse Fuller," he said. "It's a mad house upstairs, as I'm sure you know already, and I've got to get back to the grind, but it was nice to see you." Suddenly the thought of getting back to work was seeming better and better.

"You too," she said, and he could feel her eyes lingering on him the whole time as he walked out.

Of course, by the end of the first week back he'd forgotten all about that conversation and by the end of January he had learned how to avoid her all together. His friends teased him about it, saying that he should just go for it and then he'd already have a girlfriend who knew that he had to work insane hours.

Simon just laughed that off and kept to himself, working and making an effort to talk to his dad and Jamie as much as he could during the week.

By the time February was nearing its end, Simon could say that he was pretty darn happy with his life. He was excelling at work, managing to have something resembling a social life, and keeping his promise to do better at not forgetting where he came from. Everything was going as well or better than he would have expected, and he felt good as he left the movies with a group of his friends from school, laughing as they all headed to their respective cars.

He had the next day off, and he intended to rescue his apartment from the mess it had fallen into and run some errands. And maybe see if Jamie wanted to video chat or something.

They had been doing so well at texting and talking on the phone on the regular, but there was no real substitute for seeing her face.

Simon turned his phone back on as he got into the car, noting that he had a missed call from his dad and a text from Jamie.

_Can you give me a call when you have chance?_

It had been sent an hour before and she hadn't texted again, so Simon called his dad back, putting the phone on speaker so he could talk as he drove.

When he got back to his apartment he grabbed a beer and settled on the couch before dialing Jamie's number.

"What's up?" he asked when she picked up.

Usually when he talked to Jamie, she burst right in with some story about something that had happened to her at work or when she'd been out, but now she was quiet, and if it weren't for her breathing on the other end, Simon would have thought that the call disconnected. He frowned, sitting up a bit. "Jamie? What is it?"

"What kind of mood are you in?" she asked finally, and it was so strange to hear her sound so timid and unsure.

"A good one, I guess. What's going on? You're starting to worry me now."

She let out a breath that sounded loud over the phone. "I have something really important to tell you, but I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

"Well," Simon said slowly. "You won't know for sure until you tell me. So you should probably start there, don't you think?" This wasn't like Jamie at all from what he knew of her, and his heart rate kicked up a notch because whatever it was that had her so worried, it was probably bad.

"So. I am." Jamie laughed, and it sounded bitter. "I practiced this, you know. For a week before today. But I can't make the words come out. Maybe I should have just texted it to you, but that seemed like the coward's way of doing it, and I didn't want to be a coward about this."

"Jamie, I'm really going to need you to just tell me what it is. You've got all kinds of stuff going through my head now, and I just need to know." He was picturing all sorts of horrible fates. Her mother being on her death bed. Jamie somehow getting sick enough that she was close to dying. The Pit burning down in a horrible explosion. Having an overactive imagination was a blessing and a curse.

"Okay. Okay, you're right. Here's the thing. The thing is..." She sucked in a breath. "The thing is I'm pregnant. At least I think I am. I haven't been to the doctor yet, but the seven pregnancy tests I've taken in the last eight days seem to all agree that there is a bun in my oven. So to speak."

Simon nearly dropped his phone. Of all the things he had been expecting her to say that was not one of them. "You... You're _pregnant_?" he asked, needing to hear that one more time just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating it.

"Yes," Jamie whispered. "Are you...um. How do you feel about that?"

"What do you _mean_ how do I feel about that?" Simon demanded. "That's... I..." It seemed impossible to get his head around. "Am I the first one to hear about this?"

"Yes," she said again. "It seemed appropriate."

He blinked, confused. " _Why_?"

Jamie was silent for all of ten seconds. "Because it's _your_ baby, you moron!" she shouted. " _God_. What are you doing, just sitting there trying to figure out who knocked me up? It was you! How many men do you think I sleep with. I would have had to move pretty fast since you left if that was the case."

Simon could hear the hurt in her tone, and he sighed. "No, I." But he had to cut himself off because it would be a lie to say that when she'd first said those words his thought hadn't been _what does that have to do with me._

It was a whole new level of surreal now that he knew exactly what it had to do with him. The last thing he'd ever expected was to hear those words said to him, and he blinked, memory scrambling to try and find a place when they hadn't been careful. He'd been sure to use condoms all the times when they'd been together, or so he thought, and Jamie had been on the pill to regulate her cycle, but clearly something had gone wrong somewhere.

"Do... do you know when it happened?" he asked finally.

"Not the exact date, no. But if I had to guess, I'd say it was Christmas. We were drunk, and I don't remember you getting out of the shower to wrap it up."

"B-but you're on the pill, aren't you?"

Jamie huffed. "Aren't you supposed to be the doctor here? I shouldn't have to tell you that the pill isn't one hundred percent effective. Especially not since I'm telling you that I'm pregnant. You're supposed to be the smart one."

While Simon scrambled to find something, anything to say to that, Jamie continued. "Look. I didn't call you because I'm looking for something from you. I already know that there's a good chance that I'm gonna be doing this on my own." Her voice faltered a bit at that, but she cleared her throat and pressed on. "And that's fine. I didn't have a dad, and I made it out fine. I just wanted you to know that this is happening. So when you come back for a visit one day, you're not shocked out of your mind when you see a little kid running around with your eyes or stupid chin. I just... wanted you to know."

She said that, but even though his shock, Simon could tell that wasn't all she wanted. He knew her well enough to know that this had to be scary for her. How could it not be? She'd gone from having to look after herself and her mother to having the looming threat of having a _child_ hanging over her head.

"So you're just going to raise it by yourself?" he was asking before he could think better of it.

"What else do you expect me to _do_ , Simon?" Jamie demanded. "I'm not getting rid of it, and it's obvious that you don't want to be a part of this from how eager you are to accept the responsibility of being the one who did it! So yeah. I guess I'm raising it by myself. Look, there's another thing you can judge me for. I'm turning into a regular small town stereotype, huh? Community college, working as a waitress, pregnant out of wedlock. Someone should give me a prize right?"

"Jamie, that's not..."

"No," she said, cutting him off, and he could hear the exact moment when she started crying. "No. I don't want to hear it, Simon, okay? I'm sorry for just dropping this on you. I'm sorry that you came back and now your life is ruined or whatever. But I mean it. You don't have to do anything. You can just pretend like you never got this call."

"Jamie!"

"Bye."

Simon groaned in frustration when she hung up, but he didn't move to call her back. She said she wasn't expecting anything from him, but he knew that if there was a child out there that was half his, he was going to have to play some role in its life. He'd seen how hard it was for Jamie to grow up without a father and how readily she'd latched onto his for certain things, and he didn't want to end up condemning his child to that same fate.

But at the same time...

He was in no way ready to be a parent.

He'd barely gotten himself together, and now there was this to think about. "Why does this always _happen_?" he muttered, moving to lay face down on the couch. First he'd come to school and his parents' marriage had imploded and now his best friend was telling him that she was pregnant with his baby.

"And you handled it so well, didn't you?" he mumbled into the couch cushions. He'd basically implied that Jamie slept around a lot _and_ was unsafe about it.

Not his best moment.

Part of him wanted to call his dad and ask for advice, but he knew Jamie hadn't told anyone yet, and he didn't want to be the one who let the secret out. Everyone in that town knew everything eventually, and he knew Jamie was going to want as much time as possible to wrap her mind around what was happening and come up with some kind of a plan before the news was _everywhere._

That was the least he could do for her, right?

At least for now while he had to do some serious thinking about what he was going to do in the future. Because either way Jamie deserved to know if she was going to be doing this alone, even though it seemed that she had already resigned herself to the fact that she would be.

"Ugh. Forget this," he said, getting up from the couch and going into the kitchen to find the liquor he kept in the cabinet above the fridge. This was a gin moment if ever there was one.

Luckily he had the next day off so he could turn this problem over in his head undistracted.

For now, he just wanted to get very, very drunk.

# CHAPTER 12: HOW TO DEAL

The thing that was so annoying about life, Jamie found in the next few days, was that even when you were having a personal crisis of epic proportions, it still continued to go on as planned.

So she still had to get up every morning and go to her mother's to make sure that she got breakfast and everything and then make small talk with the nurse and she had to go to work. Every day. Without fail.

Which was... hard, to say the least. Because the whole time, her secret was there in the back of her mind. _I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. Simon doesn't want anything to do with his future kid, and I'm pregnant._

It was there when she made her mother oatmeal and when she drove to The Pit and when she smiled at Sal's jokes and avoided eye contact with Kathryn and ignored Adam's clumsy attempts at flirting. It was there when she poured coffee for regulars and tourists alike, beating at the back of her brain and making it hard to focus on anything else.

And she could only keep it a secret for so long, that was a part of the problem. Eventually she would have morning sickness to contend with and hormone changes. That and she'd start to show and have to miss work to go to doctor's visits and not to mention that she'd actually have to give birth, which was more than terrifying.

Even more terrifying was the fact that she could just see herself doing all of this alone.

She didn't know why she had expected anything different from Simon.

Hadn't he already proved that when things got tough, his way of dealing with it was to _not_ deal with it?

Of course he was going to cut her off and have nothing to say now. Of course he didn't want this.

He had a neat little plan for his life and taking care of his best friend's baby didn't fall into that plan.

Anger surged through her and she wiped at the counter a bit harder than necessary, blinking back tears of frustration and hurt. Because this hadn't been in her plans either. Being pregnant and alone and scared had never factored in, so it wasn't like he was the only one who was having his life disrupted here. _She_ was the one who was going to gain a bunch of weight and have to give birth and take care of the baby. And it wasn't just her baby, either. _He_ was a part of this, too. It was partly _his_ fault, and he had made her feel like she was some kind of... loose woman who went and did this because she didn't know any better.

It was awful, and she hated it.

She hated him.

...Except she really didn't at all and it made her so angry. After everything, if there was one thing Jamie should have been able to do, it was hate Simon Blake. But nope. She was still frustratingly in love with him, even though she was going to be raising her child with him alone more than likely. Looking at them and seeing Simon's eyes or hair or chin every time and knowing that somewhere out there Simon was probably relieved that he had dodged a bullet.

"I don't _need_ him," she snarled, stomping into the kitchen and throwing her rag in the bin.

"I'm sure you don't," Sal replied from at the grill. "Something ya wanna talk about, Jamie-girl? Not to pry in your business or anything, but you've been distracted and irritable all week."

And why did Sal have to be so _nice_ all the time? He was the closest thing she had to a father figure who wasn't Matthew Blake and therefore off limits in this situation, and she didn't know how to talk to him about this at all.

_Oh sure, Sal. Yeah. Let's talk about how I'm PREGNANT and how my best friend is the FATHER and doesn't want anything to do with it. Let's talk about how I don't know what I'm supposed to do or who to turn to because my mother is slowly dying from cancer, and I don't have anyone else._

Instead she just shook her head. "Your burger's getting crispy there," she said, pointing out the charred edges of the patty on the grill and heading out to the back for a break.

It was March, but the chill was still definitely in the air, but Jamie didn't put on her jacket. She needed the bracing wind to cut through her haze and make her focus on the things that mattered.

Like the fact that she needed to do her job.

And wasn't that a thought that led to her slumping back against the brick back of the building and letting out a heavy sigh?

Her plan had been to cut back on the time she spent working here and start looking for work more related to what she wanted to do, but clearly _that_ wasn't going to happen. Not when she was going to have another mouth to feed. And clothe. And take to the doctor.

She made a pained noise in the back of her throat and slumped down the cold surface behind her, ending up on the frigid asphalt of the ground with her knees pulled up to her chest.

What made it worse was that she couldn't even have a smoke or a drink to try and relax because that was one of the main things she knew about carrying a baby, and she didn't want her child to suffer for her not being able to handle anything.

Before she knew it, she was crying again.

God, sometimes it felt like that was all she ever did anymore was cry. She went home and cried into her pillow, emotions running high and phone inches from her fingers.

But Jamie wasn't going to be the one to call first. She had done her part, and the ball was in Simon's court now. It was up to him to decide what he wanted to do, and there was no way she was going to beg him. She had more pride than that.

Just apparently not enough pride to keep her from sobbing her eyes out behind her place of work.

"Stupid hormones," she muttered into her drawn up knees because that was easier than admitting that she probably couldn't do this alone. For all her big words to Simon about how she didn't need him, it hadn't escaped her notice that she really probably _did_ need him.

Or someone.

She just wanted it to be him. But then, that wasn't anything new at all, was it? Jamie had wanted it to be him for years now.

The door behind her banged open, and Jamie looked up to see Kathryn standing there with a soft look on her face. "I thought I'd find you here," the older woman said. "Come on. Come with me. I think we need to have a talk, don't you?"

Jamie shook her head and wiped at her eyes. "I can't. I have to..." she gestured to the diner. "Get back to work and stuff." This was definitely not the time to be slacking off. In fact, she was probably going to have to pick up some extra shifts to make more money.

"No, you don't. Do you know how much vacation time you have saved up? A lot. Enough that you can take an hour off and come tell me what's bothering you. And please don't say nothing because I have known you long enough to know that it's not true." She held a hand out, and Jamie was so overcome with emotion that someone wanted to help that she couldn't resist reaching up and letting Kathryn pull her to her feet.

They went back inside the warmth of the diner, passing through the kitchen (and behind Sal, who thoughtfully kept his back turned whistling his cheery tune) and into the office in the back. Kathryn shut the door and directed Jamie to sit in the chair while she perched on the desk.

It wasn't a large room, and the desk took up most of the space, but it was warm and cozy from the space heater that was going in the corner. The chair was much more comfortable than the cold ground outside, and she let herself try to calm down for a bit.

"Do you want some coffee?"

Jamie wiped at her eyes again and kept them trained on the scarred wood of the desk as she shook her head. "No, thank you."

"Water?"

"I'm fine."

"Well, that's just clearly not true. Are you going to tell me what's wrong? Is your mother okay?" Kathryn asked, and her voice was so gentle that Jamie couldn't help herself. She'd been holding this in for so long and the only person she'd told so far had pretty much outright rejected her, so she needed to tell someone who wasn't involved. Just to get it out.

"Mom's fine. This isn't. It isn't about her. It's... I'm pregnant," she blurted, eyes darting up to the other woman and then away. "And everything sucks."

Kathryn just blinked at her. "You're sure?"

Why did people always think that the woman was confused about whether she was pregnant or not? "Yeah. I've taken a lot of pregnancy tests and they all seem to be agreed on the subject."

She didn't say anything for a long moment. "Simon's?" Kathryn asked finally.

Jamie just nodded. "Yeah. Of course, right? It makes perfect sense that it's his. That's something I'd do. Go and get knocked up by the one person who hates being tied to this place."

"Well, I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose. Have you told him yet?"

She nodded again and the tears starting to fall all over again. Her breathing hitched as she kept talking. "Y-yeah. I called him a few days ago."

"I take it didn't go well."

Jamie laughed, and it was a bitter sound. She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head. "No. It didn't. I... I didn't know what else to do! I had to tell him, and he... he was so awful about it! He thought it was someone else's baby at first, like I just sleep around all the time because I live here and work in a diner and I'm not as good as he is or whatever. And he didn't say the thing, and I just..."

Warm hands were rubbing her back, and Jamie looked up to see that Kathryn had moved from her perch and was kneeling beside her chair. "What thing?"

"The _thing_ ," Jamie repeated. "In the movies whenever a guy gets a girl pregnant and he's not a total douche or complete loser, he tells her that... that he's gonna be there for her no matter what and that she's not alone and they'll figure it out together, and Simon didn't say _any_ of that. He just." She shrugged and let herself sob it out.

"Oh, sweetie," Kathryn murmured, and Jamie was so, so glad that she didn't say that those were things that only happened in the movies and not in real life. Because she knew that. She knew that happy endings didn't work like that, but she had expected more from Simon because he _was_ a good guy, and she did believe that he cared about her.

"I just. I want my kid to have a dad, you know?" she continued. "I told Simon that they would be fine without him, the kid, but. But it _sucks_ not having a dad and having to watch your mom struggle her whole life to take care of you alone, and I don't _want_ that. I don't want to have to work here for the rest of my life and have two other jobs on top of it."

Kathryn nodded. "That's understandable. From what I understand, having a baby changes your entire life, and it makes sense that it would. But you can't fall apart, Jamie. Soon enough you're going to have a little one depending on you to take care of it. And... if I'm honest, I really don't think you'll be doing it alone."

"What makes you say that?" Jamie asked, wiping at her face.

"Because I know Simon. Obviously not as well as you do, but I know that he's a good guy. There's no way he's going to leave you to have to deal with this all on your own."

Jamie arched an eyebrow at her. "Kathryn, he's cut me out of his life once before, you know. He cut his own father out of his life."

She nodded in return. "I know that. But it's different, isn't it? This is something he did. Something he has a part in, and I don't think he can just ignore that. Not even if he wanted to. I'd say give him some time to get his head around all of this. It's not an easy thing, you know?"

Oh, she knew alright, and instead of pointing out that she didn't get time to come to terms with it because she just had to deal, she sighed. More than anything else, Jamie dearly hoped that Kathryn was right. She didn't want to do this alone, no matter how bold her words had been before, but she also wasn't going to call Simon and beg him for help. She had too much pride for that.

Kathryn patted her back soothingly. "In the meantime, life goes on, right? Have you been to see a doctor yet?"

Jamie shook her head. It was on her list of things to do. Right at the top because she knew it was important, but she just hadn't done it yet. The thought of going in there and having to talk about this with a doctor all alone made her stomach twist itself into knots, so she'd been putting it off.

"Then make an appointment, Jamie. Right now," Kathryn continued. "Being there for your child starts now. If you don't want to go alone, I'll come with you."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, Kathryn, I can... I can manage."

The other woman shook her head. "You can manage, but you shouldn't have to when it comes to something like this. So I'm going to go with you. Even if Simon never gets his head out of his butt, you're not alone, you know. There's a whole town full of people who care about you and would help you in a heartbeat if you asked them to."

When she said it like that, it made Jamie smile a little. Because she was right. Even if they were gossips and busy bodies sometimes, the people of her town had known her for her entire life, and she didn't think any of them would turn their backs on her because of this.

They'd helped her mother, hadn't they?

When her father had disappeared without a trace. Adelaide had told her stories about how Sal had threatened to hunt him down and bring him back kicking and screaming and how when Adelaide had told him that she was better off without him, he'd promised to help her however he could.

She let out a shuddering breath and smiled at Kathryn. "You're right. Of course you're right. I just. Got all worked up and scared."

"Which is completely understandable," Kathryn replied with a smile back. "It's a big thing. So how about this. You call the doctor and make an appointment and I'm going to go tell Sal that we're out of here for the day. You've worked enough already, and you're going to have to start being more careful about your shifts anyway. We'll go see a movie or something. What do you think?"

It sounded wonderful, and Jamie nodded. "Yes. Please. Also I haven't eaten for most of the day, so..."

Kathryn snorted and shook her head. "We're going to have to work on that. For now, I will tell Sal to whip us up two burger plates to go and we will smuggle them into the movies. Good?"

"Great," Jamie answered. She watched as Kathryn left the office and let out another breath. Somehow just telling someone else made the whole thing seem less daunting, and she was glad that Kathryn had pulled her in for the conversation.

With shaking fingers, she picked up the phone on the desk and called the doctor's office, making an appointment for the next day with the surprised sounding receptionist.

Jamie knew her, of course. They'd gone to high school together, and all she could hope was that her business wasn't going to be all over the town before she had a chance to break the news to her mother.

That was a whole different thing all together, and Jamie actually had no idea how her mom was going to take the news. Thinking about that was liable to make her start freaking out all over again, so she put it out of her mind for the time being. For now, she was going to try to handle the things that were in front of her. Like taking off her apron and grabbing her coat so she could go out and enjoy herself for a little while, at least. 

# CHAPTER 13: SETS YOU FREE

Jamie thought she was going to be sick. And considering she had already been sick that morning before she'd even gotten up properly, that was saying something. But she was standing in the kitchen at her mother's house, stirring a pot of oatmeal and adding brown sugar to it, and she could feel her mother's gaze on her back.

Honestly, she was surprised that she'd managed to keep it a secret for this long, with her mother being able to read most people like a book and all. But maybe she was just getting better at keeping things from the woman now that she wasn't a child anymore.

"Jamie, you're going to have to tell me what's wrong with you eventually, you know."

Or maybe not.

She let out a shuddering breath and chewed on her lip. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do," Adelaide replied. "Because I've been very worried about you lately. You're preoccupied all the time, and you look like you haven't been sleeping. When I mentioned this to Sal the other day, he looked like he wanted to say something but then he didn't, which leads me to believe that he knows whatever's going on, and you just haven't told me what it is. So I'm waiting for you to tell me."

Jamie spared a second to be grateful that Sal had kept her secret. She knew that Kathryn had told him so that he could keep an eye on her at work, and she appreciated both of them for looking out for her.

But, she had to tell her mother that she was having a baby with a man who she wasn't married to and that she had no idea how any of it was going to work.

Nine months seemed like such a long time when you weren't pregnant. There was so much to do, so much to figure out, and she hadn't even begun yet. Time was slipping away from her, and even with Sal and Kathryn's help, she didn't know what to do.

So maybe it was time to tell her mother. If anyone could help her, it was Adelaide, right? She'd been through this already and would hopefully not be too upset.

Taking a deep breath, Jamie dished up two bowls of oatmeal and came to sit at the table, nursing a cup of orange juice and pushing her mother's bowl towards her.

Adelaide had an expectant look on her face, and Jamie winced. "I'm trying to think of how to say it," she said, looking away.

"It might be best just to come out with it," her mother suggested.

Even though she'd already told Simon and Kathryn, saying it never got easier. "Well. Okay. You see. I." Why? Why was this somehow harder than telling Simon had been? "Mom, I'm pregnant," Jamie said in a rush, just getting the words out of her mouth.

She glanced back up at her mother just in time to see her mouth fall open. "You're... You're pregnant?" Adelaide whispered, frowning. "Are you sure?"

"Why does everyone _ask_ that? Yes. I'm sure. I've even been to the doctor this time." Kathryn had insisted on going with her when she'd found out that Jamie hadn't told anyone else yet and was just going to go alone.

"No one should have to deal with something this big on their own, Jamie," she'd said. "And even if Simon's not here yet, you have plenty of people who want to look out for you."

Jamie had cried in the car because it was such a nice thing for her to say, and she knew the other woman meant it.

"You're pregnant," Adelaide repeated, sitting back in her chair and dropping her spoon with a clatter.

Oh, god. This was what she had been afraid of. Her mother being disappointed in her was something she didn't know how to deal with, and it was already hard enough when she still hadn't heard anything from Simon. If her mother cut her out because of this, Jamie didn't know what she was going to do.

"I'm _sorry_ ," she said, realizing belatedly that she was crying again. "I'm so sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to, I swear. It was just an accident, which I know doesn't make it better, but. I'm sorry. We were drunk and things happened, and I'm already scared because I don't know how to do this on my own, and I need you, Mom, so please, please don't be mad. Please. I'm sorry."

She said it all in a rush, tears falling down her face.

"Oh, baby," Adelaide said, voice soft. "Stop that now." Her chair scraped across the scuffed linoleum of the kitchen floor as she got up and moved around the table to wrap her arms around her daughter and kiss her head. "I'm not mad at you, Jamie. Shocked, yes. A little... not disappointed, but worried. But not mad. You certainly won't have to do this without me."

Jamie clutched her mother's arm and cried tears of relief. "I'm sorry," she sobbed again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me," her mother said. "Don't apologize at all, in fact. These things happen. Life happens. We deal as best we can. Now, what did you mean when you said you're going to have to do this on your own? Where's Simon in all of this? I assume he's the father?"

"Yeah," Jaime managed. "It's him." In halting words, she explained about how she'd called to tell him what had happened and how he'd reacted. Talking about it all over again just made her cry more, and she was disgusted with herself. All she had been doing lately was crying about this, and really, she was more than a little tired of it.

"And you haven't heard from him since?" Adelaide wanted to know.

Jamie shook her head. "Nothing. Not a phone call or a text. I just. I know it's not what he wanted, but I thought..." She shrugged and trailed off. Simon had never given her any reason to think that he would be down for raising a child with her. She'd just been projecting her own feelings. By now he could have a girlfriend or something who would be highly displeased if she found out.

And that would just meant that Jamie had to deal. Really, she just wanted to know where she stood about this. She wanted to hear from him, even if it was just him calling her back to be like "sorry, but I can't help you with this". At least then she would have some kind of closure and it wouldn't be all this waiting around.

"He's young," her mother put it. "I'm sure he has no idea what he wants just yet."

"Yeah, and neither do I, but I don't get the luxury of being wishy-washy about it, do I?"

Adelaide laughed, and there was sympathy in her tone. "No. No, you don't. Jamie, when you were young did you ever wish that your dad would come home?"

Jamie's eyes snapped to her mother's face. She'd never really asked her anything like that before. In fact, when she was a kid, her mother had done her best not to mention Jamie's father at all. Almost as if she thought that not talking about him would make her less aware that she was missing him in her life.

"Not... Not actually _him_ ," Jamie answered after a few seconds. "Because I know that he wasn't really a good person for leaving us like that. I wished that I had a dad. Or that Dennis Quaid was my dad." She laughed. "Which would have been weird."

"Well, I wouldn't have said no if Dennis Quaid wanted to marry me, that's for sure." Adelaide chuckled. "I suppose I'm asking because I want to know how you would have felt if you got to see your dad sometimes. If he was still a part of your life even if the two of us weren't together."

She saw what her mother was getting at.

"I never thought about it like that. In my mind, we were a team, you and me, and if he wasn't there for you, then he wasn't there for me."

Her mother smiled at her, stroking her hair. "You're a good girl, Jamie. You always have been. And even though he hasn't always been so loyal, I don't think you need to worry about Simon. I think that if it's meant to be, he'll come around. I think that he's a man, and a silly one at that sometimes, but he's not cruel or lazy. And he cares about you."

If only he cared about her the way she cared about him.

"You think so?"

"I know so. And, on the off chance that he doesn't realize he wants to help you raise the child he helped make, you are not alone. Just like I wasn't alone when your father walked out on us. Everything will be fine."

People kept telling her that, and she supposed the right thing to do would be to believe them. Between her mother, Kathryn, and Sal, Jamie knew that she could manage until she was able to make it on her own, but it all seemed to daunting.

Plus, if Simon bowed out of this, then there was no way that they could be friends anymore. She wouldn't be able to see him and not think of how he basically abandoned her to raise their child while he shirked all responsibility, and she wouldn't have their kid calling him 'Uncle Simon' or something like that while pretending like he wasn't their father. She just wouldn't do it.

"You'll be fine," he mother said again. "I still have all my old books from when I was pregnant with you, and I'm sure the internet has plenty of resources. Just take it one step at a time. I know that nine months doesn't seem like a lot of time when you have a person growing inside of you, but don't worry. It's plenty of time to get everything done, and you'll have help. Once Hattie finds out, she'll be bringing you all sorts of things."

Jamie made a face. Hattie finding out would mean the whole town would know, but they'd figure it out pretty quickly once she started showing anyway. So there wasn't really much she could do about it either way.

"Thanks, Mom," Jamie said, leaning into her mother's embrace.

"Of course, baby. You've been taking care of me for so long, but don't think I've forgotten how to take care of my baby girl. As long as I'm around, you'll have me in your corner."

It was a weight off her shoulders, really, having her mother know. Now she didn't have to have any more big conversations about this. Aside from the one she would have to have with Simon sooner rather than later.

Regarding that, she made a decision right then and there. He had until the end of the next week to contact her in some shape or form, even if it was just a text to say that he needed more time to think. If she didn't hear from him then, then she was going to call him and tell him what his options were.

Jamie was tired of waiting around for Simon to decide what she meant to him or how much he cared. She was going to be a mother, and she wasn't going to be any less of one than her own mother had been and that meant not sitting around waiting for a man to take care of her when she could do it herself just as well.

Talking about these things was good. With every conversation, she felt a little more confident, a little more sure of herself and what she was doing.

A little more ready to at least start this journey on the right foot.

# CHAPTER 14: A DECISION

"Simon? Simon!"

Simon jumped when he saw a hand waving in front of his face, looking up, he was instantly relieved to see that it wasn't one of the mentor doctors but Camilla, looking amused and like she had been standing there for a long time.

"What?" he asked, taking a step back and rubbing at his eyes.

"You look terrible."

"Did you come over here just to say that? Because I know you think that's helpful information, but it's really not, Cam."

She rolled her eyes at him. " _No_ , dummy. I came over here to give you this chart for Mr. Walter, but you were staring off into space for so long I thought you might have slipped into a coma. What's up with you, huh? You haven't even been on the graveyard shift for a few days. Got some hot little thing keeping you up at night?"

Simon gave her an incredulous look and just about resisted saying that yeah, if she considering stomach turning guilt to be a 'hot little thing' then she was right.

Even though he had been working more regular shifts as the weeks passed, it didn't mean much since he couldn't sleep at all when he was at home. Actually, being at work would have helped more since running around the hospital and caring for patients was much more distracting than sitting at home feeling terrible.

But when he thought about it like that he felt even more terrible. Because it wasn't right for him to try to distract himself from this. He had to make some kind of decision. He owed Jamie that much, didn't he? After all, she didn't make this baby by herself and she hadn't come to him making demands of his time and money like some women might have. She'd just been looking for help and probably comfort, and he had messed that up spectacularly.

"You're doing it again," Camilla pointed out, and Simon waved a hand at her.

"Don't you have something to do other than stand here and poke at me?" he asked, frowning at her. "Like people to take care of or something? This is a hospital."

"Yeah, and you're so pale that you look like you should be admitted. But anyway, it's Friday and it's after five now. Congratulations, you successfully stared off into the distance for the last hour of your shift."

He knew she was exaggerating, but the fact remained that he didn't have to come in that weekend and he was done for the day.

Talking about their future over the phone wasn't going to be easy. It was too complicated when he couldn't see Jamie's face, when he didn't know what she was thinking. But he had a whole weekend off, and it wouldn't be much trouble at all to drive down and see her. He could make it there by ten if he left for his apartment now and hurried through his packing.

And just like that, the plan fleshed itself out in his head, and Simon was moving. "Have a good weekend, Cam!" he called over his shoulder, heading for the sliding doors of the exit.

"You're so weird, Simon!" she called back, and he just waved at her and then hurried to his car, already making a list of things he'd need to pack in his head.

He didn't even stop for anything to eat, jumping back in the car once he had his bag packed and hitting the road. Luck was with him, it seemed, since the snow had long since melted away and traffic was flowing steadily, despite the time. He made good time, and headed straight for The Pit as soon as he got into town, parking and drawing his jacket tighter around himself as he walked across the parking lot and into the diner.

It smelled like it always did, and he didn't see Jamie immediately. A hand dropped to his shoulder, and he jumped and turned to see Kathryn standing there wearing a thin smile.

"Oh. Hi, Kathryn," he said. "You startled me. Is Jamie working tonight?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No, she's not. She's on the afternoon shifts now because. Well, you know why. Actually, I'm very glad you're here. I've been wanting to have a talk with you."

Her smile was still in place as she said it, but there was something about the way she was looking at him that made Simon wary. "Uh... okay. I was really hoping to talk to Jamie soon, though."

"And you will. She's at home right now, I'm fairly sure. But first let's go have a little chat."

She didn't leave him much choice, he let her steer him in the direction of the back, waving a little to Sal as they passed and sighing with the big man barely nodded in return. So they knew, then. They knew that Jamie was pregnant and were probably none too happy with him for how long it had taken him to show up.

Kathryn showed him to the office and closed the door, leaning against it like she thought he was going to try to make a run for it.

"Should I be afraid?" he asked, looking at her nervously.

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "No. Not if you're here to do the right thing. And not even if you aren't here to do the right thing. It's none of my business one way or the other. What I will tell you is that Jamie needs you to make a decision one way or the other about this. She's doing fine on her own now, but I had her in here crying her eyes out about you, and I think everyone in this town is tired of seeing that girl cry because you can't make up your mind how you feel."

Part of him wanted to insist that that wasn't a fair thing to say at all, but a bigger part of him knew that it was. He had no idea how Jamie had handled him being gone the first time, but knowing her, it would have been pretty obvious to anyone who bothered to look that she was missing her best friend dearly. And this wasn't any different.

If anything it was worse because there was a child involved.

"I know, Kathryn, okay?" he said, dragging fingers through his hair. "I'm not doing it on purpose. It's not like I enjoy hurting her."

"We all know that," she replied. "You're still one of ours even though you like to pretend otherwise. We know that you don't mean to do it, but the fact still remains that you do. And that girl is scared out of her mind that she's going to be doing this alone. Even though she knows that she's going to have all of us to help, she wants you. And you owe her an answer at the very least."

"I know that!" Simon said, somewhat louder than he'd meant to. But he was tired and he just wanted to talk to Jamie and not get lectured. "Sorry. It's been a long day. I know that. That's why I'm here. To figure this thing out."

She observed him for a moment and then nodded. "Good. Then I won't keep you." Kathryn moved away from the door and gestured for him to go. "Remind her to take her vitamins when you see her."

"Okay," Simon replied as he headed out. His head was spinning, and he was tired, but he wasn't going to stop until he'd talked to Jamie. Kathryn had been right when she said that he owed her answer, and even though he still didn't know what he was going to say to her, he knew he had to say something. Silence was the worst thing he could do now.

Knocking on Jamie's door proved fruitless since she didn't answer, and Simon wondered if she might be at her mother's. The thought of driving all the way over there and getting a lecture from Adelaide in the process was exhausting, so he decided that he'd just deal with it in the morning if that was the case. Jamie kept her spare key at the top of her door frame, so Simon took it and let himself in, hoping she wouldn't mind.

Most of the lights were off when he got in, but he could hear the sound of Jamie's bed springs shifting, so he followed the noise to her bedroom.

Jamie was there, curled up on top of her covers with her arms wrapped around herself. Her breathing was deep and even, and she was clearly asleep.

Being as quiet as he could, he crept over to her beside, looking down at her. Even though she had to be three months pregnant by now, she actually seemed to have lost weight, though there was a rounded bump under her shirt that proved that she had been right about being pregnant.

Somehow seeing it made it all that much more real to Simon.

She was pregnant.

With his child.

And even though she was asleep at the moment, it was obvious that this had been taking a toll on her.

Guilt flooded through him, and he reached over and smoothed a lock of hair out of her face, tracing one of the dark circles under her eye. Worrying about how he was going to respond to this whole thing had probably contributed to a lot of her stress, and Simon felt awful for it.

Unplanned or not, she shouldn't have been able to have some amount of happiness regarding this pregnancy.

Just as he was considering going to sleep on the couch or calling his dad, Jamie's eyes opened and she blinked up at him, obviously confused about why he was there for a moment. "What are you doing here? Am I dreaming?" she mumbled.

Simon snorted and shook his head. "You dream about me?"

"Yeah, about you getting pushed off a cliff. What do you want?" She batted his hand away from her face and sat up, stretching and keeping one arm in front of her belly protectively.

"It's sort of surreal to see you like that," Simon said softly. "And to know my kid's in there."

Jamie narrowed her eyes at him. "The way I see it, you don't have any claim on the kid just yet. DNA doesn't make you a father. Just a sperm donor."

He winced, but he knew he deserved that. "I'm sorry, Jamie," he said. "I... I panicked, I guess, and I didn't even think about how you were feeling, and I'm sorry."

"Is that all you came here to say?" Jamie asked, watching him with guarded eyes. "Because you could have said that over the phone. Or in a text. Why drive all the way down here?"

"That's not all I came to say. I came to talk to you. To see if we could figure this out."

"What's to figure out? Either you want to be a part of our lives or you don't, Simon. It's a simple as that."

"It's not as simple as that, Jamie," he argued. "I mean, okay. Maybe the decision is as simple as that, but there's plenty of other things that have to go into it. Like where are we gonna live? How're you going to survive while you can't work because you have a new born to take care of? We're not even in a relationship, and we're having a baby together. There's a lot to figure out."

"And whose fault is that," Jamie snapped and then immediately covered her mouth with her hand.

"Who's fault is what?" Simon asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing. Never mind. Just say what you came here to say. Because I've got some things I want to say, too, and it's probably better if we just get it all out now."

Simon was still curious about whatever it was that she wasn't telling him, but he could tell from the tone of her voice that she had reached some kind of resolution about this. For some reason that made his stomach twist with nerves. What if he had waited too long? What if she was going to tell him that she didn't want anything to do with him and she didn't want him to have anything to do with their child?

She'd be well within her rights to say that after the way he'd acted, but he was really hoping that wasn't the case.

"Okay," he said, letting out a long breath. "Okay. So here's the thing. I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple of weeks. I know you probably think that I was just running and being a coward or being callous as usual, but I just needed to think. And yes, I know that I should have told you that's what I was doing instead of just going silent, but. I've never been good at this kind of thing. You know that about me."

"So you're just here to make excuses, then?" Jamie asked, and there was pain in her eyes as she glanced up and him and then away.

"No," Simon replied, voice firm. "No, that's not why I'm here. If you'd let me finish?"

She gestured for him to go on.

"What I'm trying to say is that I've thought about it a lot and I know I can't live without you in my life again. Not after how things went down after the holidays. I'd always wonder about you and our kid, and. And I don't want it to be like that. But I also want you to know that even if I say that I'm in this one hundred percent, nothing's going to be easy. Like, I said before, there's going to be a lot of stuff that we have to figure out." He sighed and ran fingers through his hair. "It's a big decision."

Jamie was quiet for a moment and then she looked up at him, eyes burning. "You know what I don't understand about you? I don't understand why family means so little to you. You're so _selfish_ , Simon, and you never used to be like that. I don't know if it was moving to the city that changed you or if it's always been there, but I don't even think you see it. Your parents went through a divorce and your dad needed you on his side, and you cut him off. He supported you through everything you wanted to do, and the minute he needed you, you weren't there. Everyone in this town supported you and you just. You turned your back on all of us, Simon, and I don't understand it.

"So this is a big decision? So what? This is the life of a child we're talking about. The life of a child that _you_ helped make. It's half yours, Simon. It's your flesh and blood, or it will be anyway. And you're sitting there acting like it's a business decision. Either you want to be a part of this or you don't. I don't need you waffling and making excuses. Yeah, it's gonna be hard. You think I haven't figured that out, yet? But I'm gonna deal with it because I'm going to be a mother. I need you to decide if you want to be a father. I need you to say 'yes, Jamie, I want to be a part of my child's life' or 'no, Jamie, I don't want to be a part of my child's life'. That's all there is to it."

Simon was silent through Jamie's rant, eyes wide. No one had ever called him selfish before. At the hospital he was known for being accommodating. For being the one who never minded switching shifts or coming in earlier or staying later.

He cared about his patients and gave them his all because they deserved that.

And....apparently somewhere along the line he'd forgotten how to do that with the people who had known him the longest.

Jamie's words reminded him of the conversation he'd had with his father before Christmas. Matthew had let it go, but was that what he thought, too? That Simon hadn't cared?

He had cared, but it had been so frustrating, so distracting. There was nothing wrong with taking care of himself, was there? But... he hadn't really stopped to think about what his dad might need, either.

When Simon met Jamie's eyes again, they were still burning with the clear, heated emotion they'd had in them as she spoke. She was serious, then. He had to make a decision or she would be the one cutting him out of _her_ life, and he would deserve it.

They couldn't be friends while she was raising a child that was half his and not helping. That just wouldn't work at all, and Simon knew it. He'd been hiding behind his logic and facts for so long that the thought of throwing himself into this headlong was terrifying. But his options were either to do it or to leave.

All at once he realized he'd been silent for a long time. "I..." he began. "I want to be a part of this," he said slowly. "I do. Please don't doubt that, Jamie, but-"

"No. No buts, Simon. You're in or you're out. There aren't any caveats. If you're in, we'll work around the buts, okay? It's not like I'm asking you to drop everything and marry me. I love you, and I'd never do that. I just need to know that I'm not going to be doing this alone."

For the second time in the last ten minutes, Simon was shocked into silence. She loved him? That was new.

Well. Of course they had always loved each other, like the way siblings loved each other, and he supposed that once they'd started sleeping together, it had changed that love somewhat, but it sounded like Jamie meant more that the 'we've known each other our whole lives' kind of love.

"You love me?" he was asking before he could think better of it.

" _That's_ what you're focusing on here?" she snapped, but her cheeks were stained red.

"Well, it's a pretty big thing, Jamie. I mean. I didn't know you felt that way."

"That's because you're an idiot. You found me crying in a bathroom after my mom said she'd always thought that we were going to end up together, and you can't figure out that I always thought that, too? Maybe you shouldn't be trusted to operate on other people or whatever it is that you do when you're hiding from us."

In retrospect, yeah. Her words made a lot of sense, and Simon wanted to hit himself in the head for his stupidity. It had been right there in front of him the whole time, and he just hadn't seen it.

"God, I'm sorry," Simon said in a rush. "I'm so sorry, Jamie." He sat down on her bed and reached for her, drawing her closer to him and kissing her mouth. "I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry," murmured between kisses.

She didn't fight him, but she didn't kiss back either. Her breathing was uneven and she swallowed hard. "I still need an answer, Simon."

"Yes," he said. "Yes, of course it's yes. I just. I was scared and stupid, and it's always been a yes, I've just been too dumb to get out of my own head about it. I'm so sorry."

She released a little giggle against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck. For the moment, then, all was forgiven. There would need to be a lot of conversations about where they were going to go from there, but for the moment, Simon wasn't going to worry about that.

"You're right," he whispered. "I am selfish. I'm selfish and I didn't even notice I was doing it. I just thought I was protecting myself, but. I didn't even think about you or dad or how you'd be affected. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, already," Jamie replied, nipping at his lower lip hard. "Just fix it. Be better. Because you can't be selfish with a kid in the picture, Simon. You can't. My mom had to sacrifice so much to raise me, and I know for a fact that she hardly ever thought about herself in the process, and it might be the same way with us."

"Except we'll have each other," Simon pointed out and then delighted in the flush on Jamie's cheeks.

"Right. You know, you're being awfully calm about all this. I'm not going to wake up in the morning and find you gone, am I?"

She said it jokingly, but he knew there was real worry in her eyes. It hurt that he'd made it so she had to check, but he cupped her face in his hands nonetheless and kissed her thoroughly. "No," he whispered. "No, you don't have to worry about that. I promise."

It seemed to be enough for her because she nodded and leaned into him, yawning widely.

"Tired?" Simon asked.

Jamie nodded. "It's been a long day. And then you show up and get me all riled up. Should make you sleep on the floor. How're you even here? Don't you have to put in a million hours at the hospital or something?"

"I have most weekends off," Simon explained. "Which is good, since it means I can come see you and help out with stuff. There's a lot that probably needs to be done."

"How do you know I haven't already done it?" Jamie mumbled. "I could be on top of everything already for all you know."

"Are you?"

She snorted. "No. But I went to the doctor and started looking at baby stuff. So that counts for something, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does. You're busy, too, so it's not like you have time to really dive in, right? But don't worry. I'm going to help. I can do some of it. We'll make a list."

He felt, rather than saw, her roll her eyes. "You and your lists." Her jaws cracked in another yawn. "Lists in the morning. It's late."

Simon agreed with that. It was closer to midnight than he liked, and he was exhausted. "Sleep now. Talk later," he said. "Let me get changed and go lock your door, alright?"

She nodded and when he got up to leave, immediately began rearranging herself in the bed so she could slide under the covers and leave room for him. It was a pretty sight, and one he had gotten used to in the time he'd spent staying with her over the holidays. To be honest, his bed at home had seemed so lonely since he'd been back, and he was looking forward to actually getting some rest while he was cuddled up with Jamie.

If things moved forward in a way that let them stay together, then maybe neither of them would have to worry about sleeping alone anymore.

It was a good thought.

He grabbed his bag from the living room and shut off the lights, making sure the door was locked before he ducked into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth.

By the time he made it back to the bedroom, Jamie was asleep again. Simon slipped into bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her body, soaking up her warmth and letting his hands come to rest over her stomach.

Their child was in there.

_Theirs._

It was scary, still, and he couldn't promise her that he wasn't going to have more selfish moments, but god, he was going to try his hardest. 

# CHAPTER 15: TIME FLIES

With the biggest thing taken care of, Jamie's life got somewhat smoother from there. She still had about six months of pregnancy and preparation to deal with, but knowing that she was going to have Simon's help in addition to her mother's and everyone else's did wonders for her stress levels.

She worked shorter shifts at The Pit, and rolled her eyes when she paycheck always seemed to come out to the same amount no matter how many hours she worked. It wasn't hard to see that Sal was helping in his own way, and she wasn't so well off that she was going to look that particular gift horse in the mouth.

With her added free time, she went shopping for baby things.

Marissa, a new mother and one of the people who Jamie served nearly every day at work came to her and offered some of the things that her son had already out grown.

"It's good to help each other out," she'd said with a warm smile as she helped unload a bassinet and stroller from her car. "Plus, you've given me free refills on coffee so many times. If there's anything else you need, let me know."

Jamie had been a little embarrassed about it, but she'd hugged Marissa and then gone to find room in her apartment for the new things.

Her apartment was a one bedroom, technically, but there was a little nook in there that was sort of like a room, and there was room for all the baby things she was collecting. Of course, it was obvious that it was too small to raise a child in, and she knew that they were going to have to start looking for a bigger place soon enough.

"There's always my dad's house for the time being," Simon threw out there during one of their weekly Skype calls.

He couldn't be there every weekend, so when he wasn't he made sure to call and text and talk to Jamie on Skype to make sure he wasn't missing anything.

"You hate it there," Jamie pointed out.

"I don't _hate_ it, and I'm definitely not saying we should live there indefinitely. I'm just saying that it's basically free except for utilities and there's plenty of space. It makes more sense to stay there for a while until we find a better place, don't you think?"

And when she thought about it, it was the best plan. It would save them a lot of money, for one thing, and it wasn't far from the places that Jamie needed to be right then.

So one afternoon in late March, Kathryn, Sal, and Matthew helped Jamie pack up the things she needed right away and they moved her into Simon's childhood home.

It was lonely, staying there on her own, but the extra space was amazing.

Along with getting a new home, Jamie also started to show quite a bit. She moved right into her fifth month of pregnancy, and none of her clothes fit right anymore. It was frustrating, and more than once, she had burst into tears while trying to button up her pants.

But springtime was well and truly upon them, so when she finally broke down and went shopping for maternity clothes, she bought some nice spring dresses that made her feel pretty and less like a beached whale.

"It happens to the best of us," her mother had said as she'd passed her daughter dress after dress for her to try on. This pregnancy had been good for Adelaide in that it got her out of the house when she went shopping with her daughter. "One minute you're wearing your usual clothes and then the next you can't squeeze into anything. It's part of the miracle of life, baby."

Jamie snorted. "Some miracle."

She tended towards being dry and sarcastic about things (when she wasn't crying because of how her hormones were all over the place), but anyone who knew her, knew she was happy.

On one of the weekends when Simon came to visit, he surprised her by taking her out for dinner.

Jamie wore one of her new dresses, and he wore nicely pressed pants and a blazer that made him look professional and honestly _edible,_ and Jamie had to work to keep her hands to herself. They'd gone to a restaurant out of town to eat, somewhere where people didn't know them, and they could relax.

The food was amazing, and Jamie ate her fill and enjoyed herself.

Simon was in a good mood and the two of them talked between bites, hashing out plans for how they were going to piece their two very different lives together into one whole thing that would be conducive to raising a child.

By the time they were leaving, Jamie was full and happy, and she leaned into Simon when he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"You look beautiful tonight, you know," Simon had said, and Jamie snorted.

"You're just saying that because I'm all fat now and it's your fault."

They'd reached the car, and Simon put a hand on the door to stop Jamie from opening it. "No. I'm not. I'm saying it because you're beautiful. Being pregnant doesn't change that. In fact..."

Jamie narrowed her eyes. "If you say something about that pregnant lady glow, I am going to slap you," she warned him.

He laughed. "Duly noted. What I'm trying to say is that you're carrying my child, and I... I know neither of us planned for this to happen, but I can't pretend like it doesn't feel kind of right." He hesitated and then leaned closer to her so their mouths were just a hair's breadth away. "I love you, you know."

Jamie's breath caught, and she blinked for a second. She'd told Simon that she loved him back when he'd agreed to be in this with her, but he hadn't said it back right then. And Jamie had convinced herself that it was alright. She didn't need to hear the words as long as he was going to be there with her. But of course, late at night when she was alone and tired and sore, she started to think about what might happen if Simon found someone else. If he fell in love with a woman who wasn't her.

Apparently, she needn't have worried.

"Really?" she murmured.

"Yes. It's always been you, Jamie. I'm just really stupid sometimes."

She laughed, almost like she couldn't believe it. After all these years he was finally saying that he felt the same as she did, and it felt like her heart was swelling. With a grin, she threw her arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And god, there was nothing better than hearing it back and knowing that he meant it. After all this time. Quite without her permission, tears welled up in her eyes and she was crying before she knew it.

"Hey, hey," Simon said, wiping her face.

"Stupid hormones," Jamie grumbled.

Simon laughed and opened the car door for her. "C'mon. Let's get home and we can eat ice cream and watch a movie or something. How does that sound?"

It sounded amazing, and Jamie was more than happy to have that be the plan for the rest of the night.

Her days were mostly spent with her mother in the mornings, working in the early afternoon, and going to doctor's visits. She tried to time everything so that Simon could be around, and the first time they heard their baby's heartbeat, Simon had cried.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" the doctor asked.

"No," the two of them said at the same time and then laughed.

Later when they were lying in bed together, Simon's arms wrapped around Jamie's body, one hand stroking her hair while she used his chest as a pillow, he spoke up. "Does it matter to you? Whether it's a girl or a boy?"

Jamie shook her head. "Not really, no. I just want it to be healthy and okay and all that. And for the delivery to not take one million hours. Mom never stops telling the story about how the nurse didn't believe she was in labor when she came in to give birth to me because she was so calm about it, and then I was sticking my head out before the doctor was even ready, but knowing my luck, it'll be one of those horrific fifty hour ordeals."

"Don't say that," Simon admonished her. "I'm sure it'll go fine."

"Mm, let's hope so. Do you care? If it's a boy or a girl?"

"Nope. Not in the slightest. I think it'll be a challenge either way, but we'll adapt. We've been doing really well at that so far, right? Making this work the best we can?"

Jamie nodded. They really had been doing their best. Even with Simon working and living hours away, he was there when Jamie needed him and when he couldn't be there she had her mother and her friends in the town. She wasn't alone.

Around her seventh month, Jamie and Sal had a discussion about her not being on her feet all the time as a waitress.

"You know," Sal said. "I do need some clerical work done. I keep saying I'm gonna get somebody in here to do it for me, but then I never do. If you want something to keep you making money that's not slinging coffee and fries, you could do that?"

"Sounds good to me. Thanks, Sal."

And so the seventh month of her pregnancy was largely spent in the office at The Pit, organizing files, making phone calls, and setting up a calendar for deliveries. It was simple enough work that kept her occupied, and she was grateful for it.

It was during one of her breaks that Adam finally spoke to her again. Around the time when she's started to show, he had stopped greeting her when she came in and started avoiding her eyes. Kathryn had given her the 'I told you so' look, and Jamie had just sighed and ignored both of them.

She wasn't interested in Adam, and she had more important things to worry about now than him being upset with her for not doing anything at all.

"Can we talk?" Adam asked when he saw her stepping out of the office.

Jamie was wary, but she nodded. "Sure. What's up?"

He gestured for her to follow him, and he led the way out to the back, to the spot where Jamie had once stood and smoked on her breaks. She'd given that up once she'd confirmed that she was pregnant, and she didn't really miss it, although she'd yet to come up with something else for stress relief.

"So," Adam said. "You're pregnant."

Jamie gave him a look. "Good eye, Adam."

"I'm just. It's Simon's. Everybody knows that. And he's been here a lot more than he used to be. So I just. Is he going to marry you?"

"I..." That wasn't a question she'd spent a lot of time thinking about. The truth was that she didn't _need_ Simon to marry her. She'd only ever needed him. There were enough big changes going on in their lives right now that she was pretty sure that was one of the last things on either of their minds. "Maybe one day," Jamie answered finally. "Why?"

"I just wondered. I. You probably already know this, but I've had a thing for you pretty much since I got here, and. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be taken care of. That's all."

Most of her irritation with him melted away at that. He looked so earnest standing there with his hands shoved into his pockets, and Jamie smiled at him. "Thanks, Adam. That means a lot to me. But you know, Simon's gonna make sure I'm taken care of and that our kid is taken care of. You don't need to worry. And I'm sorry that you've always been into me. I've... sort of always been Simon's. Even before you got here."

And that had never been more true than it was just then.

# CHAPTER 16: PATHS RE-MERGE

"Okay, here's what I got," Simon said, turning his laptop so that Jamie could see it. He was staying at the house for the weekend, as he had whenever he could get the time off for the majority of her pregnancy. The hospital had been good about giving him more regular shifts now that he was close to finishing up his last year of residency.

Soon enough he'd be able to go find work at another hospital if he wanted to, and that was exactly what he was looking for.

They'd talked about it a lot over the last few months. How they were going to make this work. It was undeniable that they both wanted it to, but it was also a fact that it wasn't going to be easy.

All the same limitations and complications that had been in place before they'd tried this were still there, but maybe now they had a little more wiggle room.

They certainly had more motivation at the very least. With Jamie in the final month of her pregnancy and her due date looming ahead of them, there was no turning back now.

Jamie was lying on the couch on her back, eating frozen yogurt and resting the cup on the swell of her belly. She complained often about how she was getting so fat and how she hated having to pee every five minutes, but Simon thought she looked beautiful, and he'd caught her talking to the child growing inside of her on more than one occasion. As much as she'd been afraid of what was going to happen with her life, with _their_ lives, Simon knew she was excited about this new life, and her excitement was kind of contagious.

"Hit me," Jamie said, licking her spoon clean.

"I wish you wouldn't say it like that," Simon huffed, rolling his eyes when she stuck her tongue out at him. "Anyway, you can't work while you're recovering from giving birth and taking care of the baby, so I figure thinking about your job at The Pit is kind of irrelevant. And I _know_ , before you say it, that your mom is what's keeping you here, but when you think about it, she doesn't have to be confined to the house. We could visit her or she could come stay with us if we got a new place somewhere else."

"All her doctors are here, though," Jamie pointed out. "And I love my mom to death, but I don't think having to take care of her and a new baby is going to be very relaxing. Just saying."

Simon nodded. "Point. Plus, I figured you'd say that. Which is why I came up with another plan."

"Aren't you useful?" Jamie asked, grinning. "Hit me."

He ignored it that time. "We find a halfway point. Somewhere out of this town but close enough that it's not a four hour drive if we want to get back to it. Your mom already said that she understands you won't be able to come see her every morning with a baby to deal with, and my dad doesn't mind helping out where he can. Actually, I think he really wants to since he doesn't really do much other than work. We pick a place that's less than an hour away and see what's there."

"That sounds good, I guess," Jamie said thoughtfully. "I mean, I've got some money saved up, and I know you do, too. I mean, if you're offering to help and everything."

"Of course I'm offering, Jamie," Simon replied. "I told you I was in this, didn't I? I meant it. Aside from the fact that I wouldn't let you deal with this on your own, it's my baby, too. And I want to be there for all of it."

She gave him a soft smile that warmed him through and through. She'd told him that she loved him, back when this was all still so shocking, and he had said it back, though it had taken him a while to come to terms with his feelings enough to get the words out there. But he'd meant it all the same. Jamie had been there from the beginning, and when he thought about who he wanted to spend his life with, he couldn't deny that it was her.

They hadn't talked about marriage or anything big and scary like that yet, but if they were going to be raising a child together...

Well. It was something to think about. Maybe once they were settled and knew how the rest of their lives were going to go in the first place.

"I think it's the best plan," he said, reaching over to steal some of her dessert. "Of course, we'll have to wait a bit before we can really start looking for places, but. This looks like a nice neighborhood, don't you think?"

She leaned up to look as he scrolled through image after image of nice little townhouses and the pond in the center of the complex he'd found. "Yeah, if you go for that sort of thing. Seems like a nice place to raise a kid."

Jamie said it casually, but Simon wasn't fooled. It meant a lot to her that they were going to be raising a child together, and he knew it. He reached over and took her hand this time, squeezing her fingers lightly.

"It does. And there's a hospital nearby that's looking for new doctors, plus there's a thriving local paper if you wanted to start writing that way. We all know you could do a good scathing editorial."

She laughed and squeezed his hand back. "I totally could. And there's a lot of writing work to be found online, so it'll be okay. As long as I can see Mom regularly, I'm fine."

"Then it should all work out."

Simon hoped so, anyway. If anyone deserved to have her life go the way she wanted it to, it was Jamie. She'd been thrown so many curve balls, what with her father leaving and her mom being diagnosed with cancer and now this unplanned pregnancy, but she never stopped trying. Honestly, she was one of the people who inspired Simon the most, though he had no idea how to tell her that without being called a terrible sap, so he wasn't even going to try.

"Ugh," Jamie groaned, letting go of his hand. "I have to pee. Again. I swear, the sooner this kid is off my bladder, the better."

Simon snorted. "The better for all of us, I think. You complain like clockwork."

She flipped him off and struggled to her feet, one hand pressed to the small of her back as she made her way from the couch to the bathroom, muttering under her breath the whole time.

Meanwhile, Simon turned his attention back to his laptop. He liked to be organized, and in the chaos of trying to figure out how to make room and time in their lives for a baby, he'd made charts and spreadsheets about the whole thing, and they were very soothing to look at.

Of course, the easiest answer would just be to keep living in the house they were staying in now, the house that Simon had grown up in, and his father had pointed that out to him. But Simon didn't want that, and he didn't think Jamie wanted it either when it came down to it.

They both wanted lives outside of the place where they had grown up.

And if they had to work a little harder to get the things that they really wanted, it would make it all the sweeter when they actually got them. Or so he thought.

Hoped, really.

"Oh, god. Oh, god. SIMON!" Came a cry from the bathroom, and he was on his feet instantly, dashing off to the bathroom and knocking on the door.

"What? What is it?"

"Get _in_ here," Jamie hissed hysterically, and he opened to door to see her standing there, pants wet and water at her feet.

If he hadn't have been a doctor, his first urge would have been to ask if she'd not made it to the bathroom in time, but he knew what this was. "Oh god," he echoed. "It's time. It's _time_."

Jamie glared. "You think I haven't _noticed that_?" she bit out.

He excused that because he could only imagine that she was afraid from the pallor of her skin. "Okay. Okay," Simon said, moving more into the bathroom. "Have you had any contractions yet?"

"Little ones, I think," Jamie replied. "Just like little ripples, but I thought maybe it was because I ate too much?"

Simon shook his head. "Definitely not. Okay, so we have some time, then."

"Time to do what? Stand around and have a chat about how I'm about to have a freaking _baby_?"

"Calm down, Jamie. Getting wound up isn't going to make this easier."

The second those words left his mouth, he knew they had been the wrong thing to say.

Jamie narrowed her eyes at him and glared, heat and fear in her eyes. " _You_ calm down! Don't tell me to calm down! I'm about to push a _person_ out of my _body,_ and I'm still standing in the middle of the bathroom! I'm not gonna be calm."

That was fair enough, but he couldn't let her get too worked up.

"I need you to listen to me, Jamie," he said. "Go change your pants, okay? And get your bag. I'm going to call Dad and your mom and the hospital to let them know we're coming in, okay? So they'll be ready for us when we get there."

She looked like she wanted to argue, but instead she went, wincing a little on the way, probably from a contraction.

Only when she was out of his sight did he allow himself to sag against the wall and cover his face with his hands. She was about to give birth. To his child.

It was a lot to deal with, but he knew that this was going to be a million times harder for Jamie than it was for him, so he needed to pull himself together and be there for her. There'd be time to freak out later. Maybe?

But they were as prepared as they could be, and it wasn't like the baby was going to wait any longer if they weren't.

Simon called the hospital first, updating their doctor on Jamie's current condition and giving her a fifteen minute estimate for their arrival. He called Jamie's mom and told her that his dad would pick her up and take her to the hospital if she wanted to be there, and received a telling off that _of course_ she wanted to be there for the birth of her first grandchild that reminded him all over again where Jamie got her strength from. Lastly, he called his dad, letting him know what was going on and telling him to go get Adelaide.

He made a quick detour to the bedroom to grab shoes and a jacket and met Jamie in the living room where she was clutching her bag and groaning.

"Ready?" he asked, taking the bag from her.

"I guess. You... You're gonna stay with me, right? While we're at the hospital?"

"Of course, Jamie. We're in this together. Remember?"

She nodded and leaned in to kiss him. "Then let's go."

Jamie had always assumed that movies and television shows about pregnancy were over exaggerating the pain thing just for shock value. Her own mother had told her that things hadn't been that painful when she'd been giving birth to Jamie, and she hadn't asked any of the other women in town who had children for their opinions. All the screaming and breaking their husbands' hands had to be for show, she thought.

But the car ride to the hospital was definitely proving her wrong.

Her fingers dug into the arm rest on her door and gritted her teeth. Simon glanced over at her while he drove, worry on his face. "Bad?" he asked.

"What do you think?" she snapped back, on the verge of hysteria. It felt like she was being kicked in the stomach each time, and they lasted for longer than she even wanted to think about.

"I don't think they're close enough together yet," Simon said regretfully, and Jamie whimpered. "You'll be okay. It'll be okay."

He kept saying that, and she appreciated him being there, she really did, but she wanted to hit something, and his stupid face was becoming a prime candidate the worse the contractions got.

At least the hospital was close, she kept telling herself. Maybe once she got there, she'd feel better and less like she was going to wet her pants in terror.

Because even after all the books and the articles online and getting advice from her mom about this, Jamie still felt like she was woefully unprepared. It was stupid because they had everything already, and they were as ready as they could be according to the list that Simon had made, but still. It felt like she was floundering, and once each contraction faded, a new wave of fear and anxiety took the place of the pain.

"Breathe, Jamie," Simon reminded her, reaching over to squeeze her hand as he drove. "You're gonna be fine."

His voice was soothing, and she let herself fall into it, focusing on her breath. One in, one out, until the panic that was clenching her started to let go gradually.

"Good girl," he praised.

And then they were there. Pulling into the parking lot of the hospital and Simon was getting out and helping her out of the car, grabbing her bag and not letting her go as they made their way inside.

They were already ready for her, and things happened in a blur from there. She was helped into wheelchair and taken to a room while Simon checked them in. He was only away from her for a few minutes, but it felt like too long, and while the nurse helped her into a hospital gown and then got her settled in the bed and hooked up to everything, it took a lot of effort for Jamie not to order someone to go find him.

But he came around the corner soon enough, smiling with relief to see her as he put the bag in the chair and came to hold her hand.

"How're you doing? Did they say anything?"

Jamie clung to him. "They said the doctor would be down in a few minutes. I... Simon, I'm scared. What if... What if I can't do it? What if I mess it up?" She felt like she was on the verge of tears already, and the hard part hadn't even started yet.

"No, sweetie, don't think like that," Simon said, leaning down to kiss her hair. "You won't mess it up. You're going to be perfect, okay? It's going to be fine."

She just nodded and then had to let him go when the doctor came in to greet them and check her over.

Simon didn't know how he was holding himself together, but somehow he was. He had to be strong for Jamie, after all, and seeing how afraid she was made him even more determined not to go to pieces.

Once her contractions started coming faster and the doctor checked to see how dilated she was, Simon slipped out to go see if their parents were there yet. His dad was showing Adelaide to a seat, and he filled them both in on what was happening.

Matthew, who had been stunned and a little worried when Simon had told him about the baby in the first place, smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder. "Are you excited, son?"

"That's one way to put it, I guess."

"I was the same way when your mother was giving birth. They actually had to ask me to leave the delivery room because I was such a mess."

Simon laughed. "Thanks, Dad. That makes me feel _so_ much better." He turned to Jamie's mother. "Adelaide, I think Jamie could really benefit from seeing you. I can take you back, if you want."

Adelaide nodded and Simon took her back to Jamie's room, watching for a moment while they hugged and Adelaide smoothed Jamie's hair back and started speaking softly to her.

He'd half expected things to move slowly, but either his perception of time was off or Parks women just had a habit of giving birth quickly because before he knew it, he was back in Jamie's room, holding her hand and encouraging her while the doctor was telling her to push.

Jamie was a sweaty mess, crying and shaking, squeezing his hand for dear life as she bore down, trying to bring their child into the world.

"Just a little more, Jamie!" the doctor urged. "Come on. One more big push for me."

Jamie wailed and pushed as hard as she could and then flopped back with a shaky laugh. Another wail split the air, and Simon blinked as the doctor held up a squirming, sloppy bundle.

His child.

_Their_ child.

"Jamie," he breathed. "You did it."

"Just a moment," the doctor said, smiling. He snipped the umbilical cord and passed the squalling newborn to the nurse to clean up while he finished up his part of the process.

When the baby was passed back, it was still red faced, but wrapped in a blanket and clean. "Say hello to your daughter," the doctor told them.

Jamie instantly burst into tears again, holding her arms out for the child. She was beautiful. Her skin dark, like her mother's and a few wispy curls of hair on her head that could have been from either of them. When she finally blinked open her eyes, they were all Simon's, and he couldn't help but start crying, too.

"She's perfect," he said. "You're perfect." He kissed Jamie and then he bent down carefully and kissed his daughter's head. "Welcome to the world, baby."

They hadn't discussed any names yet, wanting to wait and see what the baby was like before they stuck it with a name, but Simon didn't care.

They could call her anything, and it would be perfect.

Never had he felt more like he belonged to something. To a family. A family that he had chosen and helped make.

He watched Jamie cradle their daughter, wiping her eyes and whispering to her, and never, _never_ had he felt more at home.

Where the Heart is 2 is now available!.

Click the cover below to get your copy.

# ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello,

So this is the part where I'm supposed to talk about myself. I write so many stories but I often I have a hard time telling my own. Funny how that works.

My name is Cristina Grenier and I have been writing stories for as long as I could remember . I'm a sucker for romance. I draw from past experiences and from others around me when I write. I enjoy creating characters that everyone can relate to.

Besides writing, I also enjoy painting and figure drawing. I'm a bit of a homebody, my ideal night consists of a chilled bottle of wine, some pasta and Netflix. I really hope you enjoy the stories I create.

If you enjoyed this title and want to keep receive a FREE full-length Romance, please visit my website and submit your email.

Sincerely,

Cristina

www.cristinagrenier.com

# PUBLISHER'S NOTES

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2015 Monster Media LLC

# Table of Contents

  1. Table of Contents
  2. Title Page
  3. Bonus Book
  4. Now Available
  5. Chapter 1: Paths Diverge
  6. Chapter 2: Making Do
  7. Chapter 3: A Return
  8. Chapter 4: Unexpected Surprises
  9. Chapter 5: Seeing You
  10. Chapter 6: Paths Cross
  11. Chapter 7: Bonding Time
  12. Chapter 8: The Joy of Christmas
  13. Chapter 9: Under the Mistletoe
  14. Chapter 10: Letting Go Again
  15. Chapter 11: More Gifts
  16. Chapter 12: How to Deal
  17. Chapter 13: Sets You Free
  18. Chapter 14: A Decision
  19. Chapter 15: Time Flies
  20. Chapter 16: Paths Re-merge
  21. About The Author
  22. Publisher's Notes

