>>ID: Yo,
uh,
computer science.
History.
Binary.
Powers of two,
DIY;
hardware:
the C-P-U!
Learn to code and write software.
The Mighty O-S.
http,
CG,
3D,
AI,
ya heard?
Like zen zen zen zen zen.
zen zen zen.
zen zen zen zen zen.
>>ADELIE: [squawking questioningly]
>>ID: I’m droppin’ compsci like Galileo
dropped the orange.
>>ADELIE: [squawking]
>>ID: This is not merely ‘bling’,
it’s my iBacus.
Wearable tech is all the rage.
>>ADELIE: [squawking questioningly]
>>ID: I am not a hipster.
The abacus is more than a passing fad.
It was an early tool for performing computations.
>>ADELIE: [squawking questioningly]
>>ID: Here, let me show you on my compsci
calendar...
My calendar compresses the local history of
computer science,
from 2400 BC to present day, into a single
year.
Each month represents 368 years,
each day 12 years.
If the first computational tools were made
sometime in January,
then it wasn’t until December that the modern
computer began to take shape.
In 1834, Charles Babbage developed plans for
a computational machine
called the “Analytical Engine”,
and his assistant Ada Lovelace
designed the first algorithm for it.
>>ADELIE: [squawking proudly]
>>ID: That’s right,
Ada was the first computer programmer,
but the Analytical Engine was never built.
>>ADELIE: [squawking incredulously]
>>ID: It wasn’t until 1946 that the first
electronic,
general-purpose computer was built;
the ENIAC!
>>ID: The ENIAC was colossal.
It was as big as an iceberg
and weighed as much as 6,000 penguins.
You know who else is a huge computer?
>>ADELIE: [inquisitive squawk]
>>ID: My mom!
>>ADELIE: [annoyed squawking]
>>ID: I’m not joking.
Before the 1920’s,
a human that performed computations was called
a computer,
and a machine capable of performing the work
of a human computer
was called a computing machine.
Once everyone realized that machines were
superior to humans,
they simply called them computers.
>>ADELIE: [squawking defensively]
>>ID: I admit, there are still plenty of fields
in computer science
that haven’t been replaced by robots...
yet.
Programmers and software engineers
are needed to develop the applications
that command the hardware designed by computer
engineers.
>>ADELIE: [squawk]
>>ID: In the beginning was the command line,
and the user interface was without form, and
void.
And the command line saw that there were noobs
and there were leet,
and it divided the leet from the noobs.
And so it came to pass that Jobs, a great
seer and revelator,
was visited by the galactic emperor Xerox,
son of Haloid,
who bestowed upon him blueprints for an advanced
user interface technology.
And it was shown unto him in Real-D 3D,
which was totally rad.
And he saw that the interface was to be known
as the GUI,
and it’s goodness was exceedingly great.
And verily it came to pass that the GUI brought
forth great peace unto the noob.
>>ADELIE: [squawking]
>>ID: Of course I embellished the story.
Computer science is the anesthetic of the
masses.
>>ADELIE: [explanatory squawking]
>>ID: I can’t argue with that.
Computer science is about empowering young
people to make their own media
and engage critically with contemporary advances
in technology.
>>ID: Adelie! I think I’ve just achieved
enlightenment!
>>ADELIE: [squawk]
>>ID: Well I feel very intelligent nonetheless.
What do we do now?
