Anybody who cares about ending sexual assault
has at one time or another been engaged in a conversation around humour.
There's this discussion around rape jokes, and whether they are more just another form ‘edgy’ of humour,
but ultimately acceptable to those of us who are into edgy humour,
or if they're more problematic and to be avoided or denounced somehow.
Not too long ago, I thought rape jokes were freaking hilarious.
When I think about it, I'm sometimes embarrassed at some of the things I’ve laughed at.
But I don't laugh at rape jokes anymore; I don't think they're funny.
And I've come to this belief through exposure to a number of individually compelling arguments against the use of rape jokes.
And in this video I'm going to outline just one of these arguments.
Now to be clear, I’m not against humour, or into authoritatively regulating humour,
or a member of the so called "PC police."
I love to laugh, and I love humour.
I just don't want my laughter to be contributing to someone else's harm.
So, let’s start with a bas fact:
6% of college-aged men, that's a little over 1 in 20 men,
will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, so long as the word "rape" isn't actually used.
And this 1 in 20 is the conservative estimate.
Other studies put the number as high as 1 in 10.
That’s between 5 and 10 percent of men just like me in a lot of ways, admitting to rape.
And here's another fact:
between 35 and 50% of young men studied admit that they would rape someone if they knew they could get away with it.
And around this same number of men believe that all other men would as well.
So you may want to interject here and say that you’ve never raped anybody,
and certainly no rape joke would ever make you go out and do that.
You’d never condone rape.
You think it’s a terrible, horrific thing.
You'll never ever commit rape,
and maybe you even refuse to associate or be friends with anyone who does.
But, I mean, come, rape jokes are just, jokes, right?
They don’t really mean anything.
Please know that the reason for this video is not because I think you're a rapist.
It's because I believe you when you say these things.
I believe that you’re a good person that doesn't want to cause harm,
and I believe you when you say that that you have not and would not commit rape.
So this video is not aimed at rapists.
It’s aimed at the rest of you who think that rape is wrong and would never do it or condone it.
OK, so more facts:
a lot of people accuse feminists of believing that all men are rapists.
But anyone who knows anything about actual feminists knows that this is patently untrue.
But do you know who does think all men are rapists?
Rapists do. For real, they do.
In psychological studies it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists believe that all men rape, just other men keep it hushed up better.
So here's the thing, these rapists are constantly reaffirmed that all other men rape as well,
through things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
So if one in twenty (or more) guys is a real and true rapist,
and you have any amount of social activity with other guys,
then it's practically a statistical certainty that some time,
whether it's hanging out with friends and their friends,
playing video games with a group of guys, in a pick-up game of basketball,
maybe in a bar, or wherever else you hang out with guys,
you were talking to a rapist.
Obviously this wasn’t your fault, and no one is saying you that were in the wrong to do so.
You can't tell a rapist apart from a non-rapist any better than the rest of us can.
And the fact is, it’s pretty impossible to tell through regular social interaction.
It's not like they just announce themselves.
OK, so at some point at some point in these social interactions with other men, someone told a rape joke.
You understood that they didn't mean it.
I mean it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
Or maybe you didn't laugh.
Maybe you were uncomfortable, or it just wasn't that funny a joke.
So maybe you just didn't say anything at all.
And so you, the decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop it if he saw it,
who understands that rape is morally wrong and incredibly harmful,
(and remember: I’m not challenging any of these assertions),
but what did you communicate to the rapist through your laughter? Or through your silence?
Well here’s what:
that rapist who was in that group with you when that rape joke was told, that rapist thought that you were on his side.
That rapist knew that you were a rapist just like him.
Because they think that all men are rapists.
And so he felt validated. He felt he was among his comrades.
And that's you. And that was me, every time I laughed or stayed silent at a rape joke.
We're rapists' comrades.
And that makes me sick, that I was ever that guy.
The rapist's comrade.
And if that doesn't worry you, if the label 'rapists' comrade' doesn't bother you or disturb you,
or make you feel like at least considering not participating in rape jokes,
not laughing at that kind of humour anymore, and not just greeting it with silence...
well maybe you're not quite as opposed to rapists as you claim.
But I really hope that you are,
and I hope that we can choose to never be rapists' comrades again.
One quick and simple way to achieve this is to ask ourselves:
'who will be made uncomfortable by what we're about to do or say? Rape survivors, or rapists?'
Who is more likely to be made uncomfortable?
If you're doing something that is more likely to make a rape survivor uncomfortable,
and make a rapist feel validated, like making or laughing at rape jokes,
then just don't do it.
It's that simple to show solidarity with survivors and not rapists!
Alright, so there’s one argument against rape jokes.
I do want to acknowledge there might be a worthwhile conversation to have,
around different types of rape jokes, and how some may be qualitatively different than the rest
- for instance when the punch line is about a rapist and not a rape victim -
but this videos has been about the vast majority of rape jokes,
which end up being about rape victims or survivors.
So thanks for watching my first video on rape humour.
And that is all for now.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
