

# His to Protect (The Vampire's Past 1)

Copyright © 2018 ROSA SWANN

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without express written permission of the copyright holder.

This book contains sexually explicit content which is suitable only for mature adults.

Edition: 20190308

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# Blurb

No matter how much you try to leave your past behind, it doesn't always leave you...

Sean

After being hired for my dream job, I move back to the small minded town where I grew up, for the job and to finish my degree.

I'm surrounded by my past, by old classmates, old neighbourhoods and old prejudices against gay people.

But on my first day back, my eyes fall on something new around here. A goth guy sitting at the front of the class and I can't keep my eyes off him.

Even though I don't know him, I feel like I need to protect him, no matter what.

Jules

I can't stay in the same place for too long. People start to notice that you don't age, that you don't get older, and add to that that the chance of vampire hunters finding you gets bigger the longer you stay...

I know that I'm running out of time in this town. I need to move on. I just need to finish my degree and then I can leave and start over somewhere else.

But when my housemate/blood donor turns on me and forces me to leave, I suddenly find myself asking for help from the new guy in our class.

Leaving doesn't look as appealing anymore...

# 1. Sean

I never thought I'd ever be back in my hometown. I left this place for a reason, but now I'm back...

Standing in front of an old factory building, the dark brick outside not betraying the new insides, I'm amazed by the change. This whole area used to be abandoned factories and I've been to many unsupervised parties here while I was in high school. But while I was away for college, they renovated this whole neighbourhood and now the old buildings are luxurious apartments and studios. The whole area has been upgraded, turning it into a modern neighbourhood with hipster cafes and biological and eco-friendly stores at the ground level of many of the buildings. The merging of old and new. It's... interesting.

I swipe my card at the reader by the door and step inside into the light and modern hallway. I grab my keys and take the two stairs up to my floor. Then I open the door to my studio and drop my keys in the bowl next to the door, before I take my jacket and my shoes off and step further inside.

A single room studio can be really confining and claustrophobic, but the big factory windows on one side, reaching from about waist height to the very high ceiling, let in a lot of light and give a great view of the surrounding area. And to get extra space in here, they even put in a second level on one side of the room, creating a great study area underneath and a bedroom area on top.

This place is bigger and lighter than where I used to live before, that's definitely true, but I'd love to move to a bigger place, an actual house. Which hopefully happens as soon as I've finished college.

I grab my forms and class schedule from the desk and walk over to the kitchen. I just have to make sure that I actually properly filled out the form in all the crazy moving stuff last week, and didn't forget things.

Then I grab a sandwich and check my phone. I should be going again soon. I've got to be at the college in half an hour and I don't want to be late.

Busy day today. First I worked the morning at my new job, getting my logins and my desk set up. Now I've got to go to the registration office at the college, before I have to go into the city to pick up my books for this semester. And then I've also got my first classes this evening.

I sigh, putting the papers into a bag and checking my phone for the bus schedule. Yeah, I need to go now. I can't wait much longer.

I quickly grab my things.

Time to get serious, if I ever want to graduate and all.

* * *

I stare out the window as the bus drives around the corner and the college building comes into view. The one college I tried so hard not to go to... The one place I really wished I didn't have to attend, ever.

But a really cool junior software engineering job opened up here at a company that makes educational software but uses a lot of gamification, so videogame elements, to do it and I knew that I had to get over myself if I wanted to get anywhere as a programmer. So I applied for the position and then even got the thing. But it means attending evening classes at this college until I finish my degree.

My college career is a little unusual, as I early on realised that going to college full-time wasn't for me. So I started working at a website development company, way at the bottom, and taking evening classes in the evenings to gain the skills needed to advance in my job. It's slow going, I take about two years to finish what most people finish in a single year, but I've now got years of experience working as a programmer. And that really helped me get this job as I could prove I was reliable and a quick study.

I stand up, getting out and then I stop to stare at the huge building in front of me. Where the dark brick of the factory buildings make it imposing, here it makes it more oppressive. It's like the building is looming over me, ready to squash me at any moment. Although, that may be because I'm biased and don't really like the place, or the town...

It doesn't help that coming out as gay in my final year of high school didn't really make my life any easier. So going to this college was never really an option, not if I wanted to stay sane. When I came out, people told me that they didn't really care about it, and since I was a basketball player, I never got much crap for being gay. But it became obvious very quickly that I wasn't getting invited to parties anymore and people would act strangely around me. It was so annoying. But the worst was the way that people would suddenly be really interested in setting me up with a girl 'to make sure' that I wasn't 'accidentally straight' or something. It was... frustrating.

So, when I got a place at a college a couple of cities over, I took the chance with both hands. Getting away from here was the best thing I ever did. I could be whoever I wanted to be and I didn't have to worry about people whispering or gossipping because I was just another guy walking around. I wasn't 'the guy who could go pro' and who 'threw it all away' by coming out as gay. I was just another guy, nobody special. That was probably the most freeing thing that ever happened.

I take a deep breath, walking into the building.

If everything goes well, I shouldn't have to meet any of my old classmates. That would be awesome. It's been seven years since we all graduated, so most of us should be out of the system by now, unless they were also doing something unusual like I did.

I walk over to the registration office, the doors opening automatically, and just as I walk through them I hear a high pitched voice I'd recognise anywhere.

"Sorry, I really have to hang up now." Evy giggles. "There is someone coming in." She's quiet for a moment. "Love you too. But I really have to go. Bye."

I walk further into the office, looking at the girl—no, woman—behind the desk. Evy, she used to be my best friend Jeff's girlfriend. They were one of the few people who didn't push me away after I came out, though things were sometimes a little awkward.

Evy giggles and then looks up, her eyes going wide, a grin spreading over her face. "Sean!" She almost gets up, but I hold out my hand when I see her huge belly.

"Hi Evy. Long time no see. How are you doing?" She looks very happy, which takes away from the unease I feel as I stand here.

"Good, good. It's been so long! Why are you here? Do you have an appointment?" Her eyes go between me and the screen.

"Not really, just dropping by the registration office. I'm going to take classes here this semester."

"Cool. Yeah, they should be available soon. But, tell me. How are you doing? A beautiful girl in your life yet?" Her eyes glitter as she leans forward.

"No, no boy in my life yet." What is it with these people and 'not remembering' I'm into guys?

"You'll find someone. I bet." She winks. Then she shows me her hand with a delicate wedding ring on it. "Jeff proposed last year, right before graduation. It was so romantic."

"Congratulations. And I see that you're adding to the family too?" I guess I can be sort of normal around her.

"Yeah. We just really wanted to. And with Jeff's job as a PE teacher at the old high school, and my job here, we can afford it and all. We're lucky." She gets a dreamy look in her eyes.

"I'm so happy for you." I really am, they deserve everything good.

Then the door to the registration office opens and a figure dressed in a long black coat comes rushing out. He bumps into me for a moment, but steadies himself and then rushes out of the office. He almost looks like a bat in the long black coat, his long black hair flowing behind him.

I blink. Well, that's definitely different. You didn't used to see guys like that when I was still in high school. Interesting.

"You can go in." Evy's voice is sweet.

"Thanks." I smile at her. "Have a good day and tell Jeff I said hi."

"Will do." She grins. "We should really meet up soon. Promise me?" She flutters her lashes at me, and I may not be into girls, but I've never been able to resist her when she looked at me like that.

"I promise. I'll see you later." I pull my bag up higher and walk into the office.

Who else could I be running into today? Because this is a really strange start to living here again. Almost like I never went away, and I start to feel a lot like I used to feel in high school, even though I definitely outgrew that.

Ah well, I guess running into a couple of people is bound to happen... Just as long as it doesn't turn into a habit.

* * *

I sigh as I stare at the door to the classroom. I don't really feel like going in right now, but not going to class even though I pay a lot of money to be here... Yeah, also not a good idea.

I've got no idea what this is going to be like. I'm just hoping that people aren't going to be all strange to a new guy joining them for just the final semester, or that I'll somehow be surrounded by old classmates, that would also suck. Like, really suck. I don't want to deal with that all over again either.

I put my hand on the doorknob. I really don't feel like it, but then I open the door and step inside, looking around. The room is pretty empty and I'm sure that the professor isn't here yet. Lucky.

Then a loud voice calls my name. "Sean? Is that really you?"

I flinch for a moment, but then turn to the voice. Sitting in the middle row is the guy who used to be my other best friend, Darren.

He waves at me to come over and since not doing that would be rude, I get over to him. He pushes the guy next to him to move a seat over, leaving one empty at the side.

"Hi." I sit down in the empty chair next to him. "Seems I'm not the only one here."

"Tsk." Darren shakes his head. "I thought you were too good for our small time college. I thought you had to be a big boy in the big city."

I shrug, taking my books and notebook from my bag.

"Tell me. There has to be some great story as to why you're back. Will you be staying?" Darren keeps talking and I remember that he never really was able to shut up. Always running his mouth and everything. Kinda annoying, but he was never really nasty, just ignorant.

"I could get a better job here. So, I came back." He's going to have to do it with that, because there really isn't more as to why I'm here...

Luckily, right then, the professor walks in and Darren quickly tries to grab his stuff before class starts.

* * *

The professor is explaining something mathematical on the board, and I'm trying to keep up with his writing speed, when the class door opens and someone comes in. It's the same guy as I saw before, his long black jacket, his hair all messed up. Yeah, same guy, has to be.

Now I can see him a little better, his pale skin becomes more obvious, his slim frame under the jacket... But I can't see much else as he keeps his head down and sits in the front seat.

Darren bumps his arm into mine. "Don't stare at the freak."

I look his way, not sure how to interpret his sudden change.

"He's a fag. You're better off staying far away from him, he's creepy." Darren looks so convinced of what he's saying and I really have to stop myself from punching that smug smile off his face.

"So?" I glower at him, hoping he catches the look.

"Stay away from him. Or he'll try to hit on you." Darren shudders theatrically, pulling a disgusted face. "They shouldn't let guys like him in with us normal guys."

This guy apparently hasn't gotten any smarter since I left. "You want me to leave too? I'm gay." As I've always been, in case he forgot.

Darren's mouth falls open and it would have been funny, if he hadn't been behaving like such an asshole. "What?" He's lost for words now, apparently not used to being challenged on what he's saying.

"I'm gay. You want me to leave?" Because that's the main reason I never went to college here, getting away from people like Darren. Getting away from the remarks and the taunting. Getting away from the disgust people here have for people who aren't straight.

Somehow, Darren has to think about an answer. I can see him think really hard.

But I shake my head, looking at the board and groaning when I realise how far I've fallen behind.

Fuck.

I can't already get behind, I need this to work. Guys like Darren prove why I need to get back out of this town before I go insane.

I guess that's a great motivation, working my ass off to get back out of this hellhole, again.

# 2. Jules

I'm almost counting down the minutes until we get a break. I'm in desperate need of coffee and I don't want to fall asleep at my table.

As soon as the professor puts his marker down, I grab my bag and am out the door, to the coffee table in the hallway. One advantage of being a part-time student and taking evening classes, we get real coffee, instead of having to get that crap from the machines. Not that the coffee that good, it's just better.

I grab a cup and the thermos flask and start pouring.

I'm exhausted. I can pretend to be human all I want, but I really need blood from time to time and the recent fighting with my housemate/donor means that I haven't had the chance and it's really messing with my body. And when I'm not fighting with the guy, he's drunk. And not drinking blood is still preferable to having to drink from someone who is shit faced drunk.

It used to be so easy. Just pick up a guy, have some fun, sex and then drink from them before I leave again. It's been a long time since I've gone without for so long. Having a steady donor was supposed to mean that I'd be safer and that I wouldn't have to worry about when I'd be able to drink. But recently... it's had the exact opposite effect. And not drinking for too long means I could become a danger to the humans around me... I haven't had to deal with it before but I don't really look forward to testing that.

A hand comes into view and I almost drop the thermos flask. Luckily, the person grabs it before it can really fall.

Fuck. See, this is what happens when I don't get to drink blood. I get sloppy...

"Sorry. Didn't mean to spook you." The man in front of me speaks, his low voice making shivers run down my spine, making my body come alive. What the actual fuck? How do I get turned on just from his voice?

I blink, looking at the cup in my hand. The guy is right though, it was about to flow over. If he hadn't grabbed the flask, I would probably have poured the coffee right over my hand. And, while I don't have to worry about burns from hot coffee, I don't have the energy to fast-heal them right now. How could I be so stupid?

"Thanks." I nod his way, not looking up at him, then I step to the side and go to the window, needing the space. I don't want to do something stupid again.

From the corner of my eyes, I watch the guy pour himself some coffee too and then look around. And, with dread in my stomach, I see him come over to me. Why?

The guy flashes me a smile. "Hi. I'm Sean. I just moved back here. I think we may have run into each other at the registration office this afternoon?"

We may have. Now that he said it... Yeah, I may have bumped into him this afternoon, as I was trying to get back to work on time. "Sorry for almost running you over." It's the best thing to say, right?

Sean lets out a low laugh, my body taking interest. "I don't really care about that. What's your name?" Why is this guy so interested in me?

"I'm Jules." I shrug, trying not to focus on him too much. He's sexy. All broad shoulders, tall and I think I can see muscles under his shirt. Exactly the type of guy who'd normally try to stay very far away from me. What's his game?

"Nice to meet you, Jules." Sean smiles at me again. "I'll let you to your coffee. See you later." And he walks off.

I watch him leave, going over to the homophobic asshole from class. Well, I guess that this was a once and never again conversation. That homophobic asshole has been trying to make my life a living hell since the start of the year. It's been nothing but one taunt after another, never letting up. And some of the rumours... Ugh.

Yeah, I thought that we left that stuff behind when we left high school, but this guy seems to enjoy badgering others way too much.

No matter how sexy Sean is, or how much I'd love to fuck him, if he's friends with that guy... Yeah, no chance.

The rest of the evening passes without much happening. At least asshole Darren doesn't bother me during class or after, so I guess that's progress. But I don't know how long that will last. And with the history Darren and I have... Yeah... I don't doubt that Sean-with-his-sexy-voice will join in on the taunting and badgering soon.

This sucks.

* * *

When I open the front door, the house is dark. I hold my breath, trying to listen if my housemate, Lance, is at home... I almost miss it, but then I hear his breathing. I carefully close the door behind me and walk into the kitchen. I have no idea what his mood is like right now, but I don't really feel like taking a chance.

As I walk into the kitchen, there is a small movement and I instinctively duck. I can still feel the air above me moving before something hard crashes into the door frame right where my head was. Fuck.

Seriously, I'm too vulnerable when I don't drink blood.

The light flashes on and Lance is glaring at me. "Who were you seeing? Why are you home so late?" I can smell the booze on his breath, even though he's not even standing that close to me.

I stand up, blinking against the light for a moment. "I was at college. I had classes today. You know that." I pick up my bag, hoping that my laptop didn't break when I dropped it. I go over to the counter, trying to get my breathing under control.

I'm not sure if it's the light or if I'm just in the wrong head space, but the kitchen looks even more rundown than normal. The brown counters look filthy, all the white surfaces yellowed from Lance's smoking. It makes me feel even worse.

"What a lie. Can't you come up with something better?" I can hear Lance move behind me.

"I had classes. Check my schedule. Check the calendar." I'm tired, exhausted, and don't really want to argue with him. Especially not since he just tried to fucking crush my head with a baseball bat and I'm having a hard enough time processing what just happened. It's not that a baseball bat would do that much damage to me, and I normally heal very fast, but I'm not functioning like normal and any threat on my life brings the vampiric instincts closer to the surface. When I haven't drunk blood in too long, triggering my vampiric instincts is bad...

Lance slumps down in a chair. "Why do you keep lying to me?"

I turn around to him, not sure how to answer him, as I'm not lying to him, I'm not doing anything wrong. He's been like this for a couple of weeks now, and it's only getting worse. I have no idea what triggered it. Lance is normally such a level-headed guy, he's always been amazing. But lately... yeah... Not really. And him acting like a possessive boyfriend isn't making it any better. We agreed early on, we're not dating, we're not boyfriends. We live together, we can have sex, but we're not boyfriends. I thought that was clear.

As I stare at him, I don't know what to tell him.

"You're keeping quiet now? You think that it gets better if you don't answer me?" Lance stands back up again and I hold up my hands.

"I don't think we want to do this." Because I really don't want to.

"Want to do what?" He comes closer, his eyes narrowing. "You haven't had blood in weeks." His voice turns dangerous. "I may not be a threat to you when you're all high on blood, but you're not doing too well. Right?" Is he enjoying this? "Mister epic-vampire is nothing more than a little bug right now."

"I'm going to bed." I push off the counter, my heart beating like crazy. He's right. I'm weak right now. I don't want to, but I am. I need blood, especially if I don't want to get in trouble.

"Yeah. Run off. Run away and don't face your disgusting lies and deceit. You're just a parasite, living off me, never giving anything in return." Why is Lance so angry? He knows this isn't true, right? He gets really bad after he's drunk. Really bad.

I walk up the stairs and close the door to my bedroom, pushing at my set of drawers and making it move in front of the door. I don't know why, but I feel safer this way. Then I lock the door from the inside.

I let myself fall on the bed and all my emotions come back at the same time.

Lance just tried to hurt me, real bad. And no matter my state right now, I'm still stronger than him, and he just taunted me. He taunted me to attack him. He wanted me to attack him, so that he could hurt me more. I just can't believe this. This is nothing like the Lance I used to know. Nothing like it.

I tighten my arms around myself and pull the covers high. I should go to sleep. Maybe I can get some fresh meat tomorrow, that should help some. But right now, I don't know if I need to find a new donor soon, or if I should go out and pick someone up at a club or something.

Fuck. Fucking fuck.

* * *

Ever since Lance attacked me on Monday, he's been really quiet. He even let me drink from him in the morning on Tuesday. I couldn't take too much since he had a really bad hangover and I didn't want the leftover alcohol in my system. There is nothing as bad as being second-hand drunk or having a second-hand hangover. Been there, done that. No fun.

But it was enough to get me through the rest of the week, it was enough to keep me going and not be a danger to myself or others.

Luckily, because seeing Sean every night at college has made me very aware of how much I want the guy. He's been coming up to me every day on our break, and he just talks a little, not even really insisting I respond to him, and at the end of the break he leaves again to be with asshole Darren. Who has at least stopped badgering me as much. That's a plus.

It's strange how safe Sean makes me feel, how easy he makes me feel. That's not happened in a long time, and I don't know how to deal with it, I have no idea how to deal with my feelings. Especially since I've been waking up with wood every morning, dreaming of him, dreaming of touching him, dreaming of...

Fuck. I've really been out of dating and sex and stuff for much too long. If anything, the reaction my body is having proves that. It proves that I need to get laid, soon.

But, yeah. That's not really that easy...

I sigh, closing my eyes. It's Friday evening, and instead of going somewhere to have fun, I'm in bed, because I'm exhausted and so done with the world right now.

I'm so done.

I wish I could leave this town already. I wish I could leave this place and not have to worry about getting beaten up, by friend or foe. But for that, I need my degree. I need to finish this degree. I need to keep my head up high and make this happen.

One day at a time.

# 3. Sean

I try to close the door behind me quietly and almost trip over my own feet as I get inside the studio. Fuck. I drunk way too much tonight. I went out with Darren and that Devin guy he always hangs out with. We went to a straight bar and Darren made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone that I was gay but I also had to be his wingman. So, somehow, any girl who would hit on me, I'd try to hook up with him...

Yeah... talk about a challenge.

I don't know why Darren wanted to go there so badly. The girls were wearing too much make-up to hide how tired they really were, their skirts were too short and their shirts basically didn't exist. And I'm pretty sure that quite a few of them would not join you for a chat unless they'd taken a look inside your wallet first.

Girls are not my thing, but paying for the company of someone also isn't something I really would be interested in. But that's just me, it seems that Darren was fine with it, even though he didn't have much luck. I suspect he didn't look rich enough.

Luckily, Jeff and Evy were willing to lessen the strain and also came over. Evy had been really interested in talking to me more. She's a small town girl, so since I've lived in the big city for a while, I apparently was all sorts of interesting. Evy isn't really someone to go outside of her comfort zone much, so anything I told her, she loved.

It was fun to talk to her, to hear some updates about people in our old class or our teachers. It was strange to hear about these people again after so long, but at the same time, it felt good and safe.

Jeff had been glaring at me most of the evening and when Evy went to the toilets, something she had to do often, he leaned in closer, telling me to not think too much of her friendliness and that he was definitely married to her. It seems that ever since I'd seen her at the registration office she'd been talking about me and about wanting to see me again. And it had really not sat well with Jeff, making him feel a little prickly.

I promised him that I really had no interest in Evy, and that she still seemed totally in love with him. I actually congratulated him on still being together with her, after so long, and that made him look a little less annoyed. And when Evy came back, everything seemed to calm down and the rest of the evening was much more fun.

That was, until Darren hit on the wrong girl and her boyfriend took offence to the annoying guy he was. That was a very interesting way to end the night. Having to carry Darren out of the bar, blood running down his face and still cursing loudly.

For me, that was also the end of everything. It was fun, until it wasn't anymore, and now I'm home in an empty studio. Drunk, alone and really wishing I wasn't alone right now.

Jules' face pops into my head, his beautiful dark eyes and the way he sometimes almost smiles. I reach down, moving myself in my jeans a little. Yeah, he's sexy. But he's also distant, and I don't know if that will ever change.

I sigh, letting myself fall back on the couch. Too tired and in need of sleep.

Probably dreaming of Jules. Again.

* * *

The classroom has become somewhat familiar in the two weeks I've been here. I've started to recognise some of my classmates now and Darren has gotten a little less annoying lately. Although I'm not sure if that's because of me or if that's because he really needs to pay attention to the classes, or he'll fail.

The professor comes in and we start the class. We're really getting into things now, which I like, but it's not that easy.

But when Jules doesn't come in when he normally does, something starts nagging at me. I don't know why, but it feels strange not to see him come in and all.

When he does come in, much later than normal, I can't keep my eyes off him. He's different.

I don't even know why I keep staring at Jules. He's not my normal type. I'm usually into guys who look a little more like me, taller, broader... not as effeminate. Not that I have anything against it, it's just not my type to be attracted to. But with Jules... His slender body, his dark eyes, his long hair. It's all making me hot, it makes me want to touch him. It makes me want him. When the light catches on his hair a certain way, it makes me wonder how it feels. How would Jules' hair feel running through my fingers?

Fuck.

Darren pokes me in my side, making me glare at him. "If you keep spacing out staring at that dude, you'll miss the whole class." He points to the board in front of the class and I realise I've missed almost a full board of notes. Crap!

I quickly start copying from the board, my hand going as fast as it can, trying to get everything written down before the professor has to erase parts of it for new notes.

But my eyes keep drifting off to the side, to the lone figure at the front of the classroom. To the man who keeps showing up in my dreams.

I shake my head. I'm here to study. I'm here to finish my degree, to get a better job and get the hell out of here again. That's why I'm here. I'm not here to pick up guys, and dating classmates is always a bad idea. But I guess that I can't always deny my body, I can't deny my instincts. And my instincts tell me that I really want Jules, no matter what.

* * *

On Tuesday, Jules is late again, I don't see him before the break, but then he's sitting where he always does, playing on his phone, a cup of coffee in his other hand. Sitting there like nothing happened, like he was just in class like normal. I don't know why or what happened, but in these past weeks, I know that Jules may be a little late to class, but he at least usually shows up for some of it...

I saunter over to him, keeping my eyes on him as he keeps focusing on his phone. Well, I guess that if I needed an excuse to get closer to the guy... This could be it.

"Hi." I lean against the wall next to him.

Jules startles, but then looks up, his eyes tired. "Hey."

"You weren't in class." Obvious Sean is obvious.

Jules shrugs, going back to his puzzle game.

"I could lend you the notes from the first half. We could go over them in the cafeteria after class?" Now or never.

"Thanks, but... if you're okay with it, I'd prefer to take them home instead." He looks up at me again, and how is it that I want to touch him?

"Sure. That's okay too. I can give them to you at the end of class." One last chance? "Do you want to hang out some other day? Getting something to eat or something? Come over to my place, play games? Just low-key."

Jules doesn't look at me now, but I can see his neck flush. He's blushing!

I wasn't being too forward, was I? I just don't want to let this chance go by.

"Ehm..." Jules lets out a breath. "I... ehh... I don't think that's a good idea. Sorry."

"Oh." Well, that's too bad. "The offer always stands. Don't worry about it." It just means that I have to take things slowly. 'Not a good idea' doesn't mean no, right?

Jules nods, not looking up again. He seems really embarrassed or awkward, and I didn't mean to do that... What is it with me and this guy? Why can't I stop thinking about him?

"You okay though?" I don't even know what to say to him now.

Jules nods, glancing up at me for a moment. "I'm good." Though, that look in his eyes... I don't know if I believe him. But it's not like I can do anything about it. It's not like I can just force him to be more open with me.

"Okay." I take a breath. "I should probably get back to the others."

He nods again. And I don't know if I'm imagining things or if his shoulders really sagged a little as I said it.

"I'll give you the notes after class. Can't have you flunk out, can we?" I try to joke, but it feels a little empty. What is it with this guy?

I glance back one last time as I walk off. He's back to looking at his phone. Am I just imagining things or are we having some sort of friendship thing starting here?

I let out a little laugh, rolling my eyes at myself. Friendship, right. I'm just a nuisance to a poor guy who is just trying to get by.

"What you laughing at?" Darren glares at me. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, really." I shrug. "Just thinking about how I've not changed in the last years."

Darren rolls his eyes at me. "You can say that. Still an airhead." He grins, slapping me on my shoulder. "Hey... What are you doing this weekend?"

Uh-oh...

* * *

Every break between classes, I go over to Jules. I talk to him, just about nothing, really, but I keep doing it. I keep trying to get through to him, make him ease up around me. Jules doesn't really say much, often just a few words. Most of our conversations are me interpreting his shrugs and nods. But he's started to smile around me, and that's progress, I guess. He doesn't seem as suspicious of me anymore and seems to actually enjoy having me around. Maybe?

As I walk after him out of the classroom, I want to reach out.

Jules really doesn't look like himself today. I don't know what it is exactly, but he looks distracted or disturbed by something. He seems tense.

Instead of grabbing a coffee, Jules walks to the chairs he always sits at during the break, taking out his phone.

I stop, pouring two cups of coffee and then going over to him. "Hey, what's wrong?" I hold out one of the cups for him.

Jules looks up, his eyes unfocused, his mouth a thin line. He looks paler than normal, if that's even possible. He nods at me and then takes the cup, looking back down at his phone.

"You want to talk about it?" Can't hurt to try.

Jules shakes his head, not taking his eyes off his phone, but when I look at the screen, he's not actually doing anything, just scrolling through the college website.

"You want me to leave?" Not that I want to, but if he's in a bad mood, maybe he just needs to be alone. I know that he's a loner, but he does seem to appreciate me being near, usually anyway.

Jules shakes his head again and it shouldn't make my heart beat like it does. Jules jolts for a moment, his eyes finally going over to me. I don't know why, but he seems... curious. But then he starts scrolling through the phone again.

Well, that's something, right? He may not want to talk, but he doesn't mind me being near him. That seems like a good thing.

The silence is comfortable, not actually awkward.

I look around, at the others. The guys trying to show off to their classmates, the ones talking loudly, the ones trying to appear as more than they are. And I'm sitting here, in the quiet, just enjoying being with a strange guy. And I like it. I don't know how, but it seems that being near Jules also changed me a little.

"I think it's time to get back to class." Jules' voice surprises me. He stands up, his eyes on me, before he steps to the side.

I also stand up, we're pretty close together now.

I don't know what's going on with him, but he seems even more closed off from the others than when I first saw him. I may have gotten closer to him, but he seems especially distant today.

I reach out, I don't know why, just my hand on his arm. He looks like he's about to disappear.

Jules flinches for a moment, but then leans into the touch a little, his breathing quick. I don't know how to read the emotions flashing behind his eyes.

But then he steps away, turns around, and goes back to the classroom.

And the moment is broken. Whatever it was. It's now gone again.

# 4. Jules

I'm sitting in the kitchen, writing down the dates for exams and deadlines for my college projects for the next weeks on the calendar. I'm fuzzy, but I keep going, not wanting to think about why I'm feeling so fuzzy and a little lightheaded right now.

I just have to keep going. I just have to stay on track and not get distracted by anything. It's just a couple of months and I'll be done with all of this. Finally. After this, I can get a better job and move forward in the world, somewhat at least. I'm really looking forward to just having a job and not having to worry about classes and projects all the time. Finally being done with this hell.

The front door opens loudly and Lance stumbles in. He's drunk. Again. He looks around, and finds me sitting at the kitchen table. He shakes his head, growling something under his breath, then he barges over to me.

Fuck. What now?

"You've been doing it again, haven't you? You're seeing some guy behind my back. Don't try to deny it!" He leans in close, the alcohol flooding off him in waves. "You disgust me. Get out of my sight!" He takes a swing at me, but I catch it, stopping his fist before it can collide with my face.

Not again. Not this again. "I think you're misunderstanding something. I'm not seeing anyone. Between work and classes, I don't have time to do anything fun, let alone see someone. Also, we're not dating. We've never dated. So I don't know where you get this 'cheating' idea from." I clench my jaw, not feeling like fighting over something so trivial right now. I'm not doing anything wrong, no matter what Lance thinks. "I'm going upstairs, do my homework and go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning, when you've calmed down." I let his fist go.

If I had thought that staying calm would help at all... Yeah, no. "You slut. You think you can get away with this?" Lance lashes out at me again and I grab his fist again. We're going to take this to the next level, apparently.

I tighten my hold on his fist. No matter how weak I am right now, I'm still stronger than he is. I can feel the tension in his hand under mine, the way his joints creak, his bones getting close to snapping. I could break his hand, right now, easy. I could do it, even though I don't want to. He seems to forget who I am, what I am.

Lance yelps, his whole body recoiling from me, and I finally let him go. The imprints of my fingers are obvious on his hand. He glares at me, but then steps back more, staggering.

"I'm out of here." I leave the kitchen, going up the stairs.

"If you weren't with someone you're trying to hide from me, why didn't you answer your phone? Eh? Why?" Lance follows me into the hallway, but stops at the bottom of the stairs.

I turn around to him, not able to let this go either, somehow. "Because I was in class. I can't take a call when I'm in class. And if you ignore my calls when I try to call you back during my break or on my way back home, don't blame me. You know my class schedule, it's on the fridge." I shake my head, finally walking away for real now.

I need to get out of here. I really need to get out of here. This is driving me crazy, and not in a good way. If he keeps doing this, I don't know how we're going to end up down the line.

* * *

I sit up, suddenly awake, my heart beating like I've just sprinted halfway across the world. Something feels off, but as my eyes scan my bedroom, everything appears to be as it should be. There is a little bit of a breeze coming from the window though, but I don't remember opening it. Although... I may have. This room is stuffy, so I often open the window a little during the day. I probably forgot to close it before I went to sleep last night.

I stand up, closing the window and then get dressed. No use going back to sleep when my heart is racing like this.

It's strange, these last weeks I've been having the feeling that someone is following me, stalking me. And I have no idea who it is... I've tried catching whoever is following me by surprise a couple of times, but it never led to anything.

It's probably just my brain playing tricks on me because I haven't had blood in too long. I'm probably just paranoid because my vampiric instincts are so close to the surface and trying to break free, seeing everything as a danger...

I growl. This needs to change.

It's still early, too early really, but I grab my bag for work. I'd rather hang out outside than stay in this house any longer. I open the door of my bedroom, listening. The house is quiet, but again, my instincts are low, so I can't fully trust them.

I walk down the stairs when I hear sounds from the kitchen. I carefully look into the kitchen and Lance is sitting at the kitchen table. He looks like he's sat there all night. I turn on the kitchen light, and it wakes him.

"Morning." I don't know how to do this, not after the fight last night. We've never fought like that before.

"Morn," he grumbles, blinking.

"Have you gone to bed yet?" I go over to the counter, I guess grabbing some coffee isn't a bad idea.

"No." Lance's voice is like gravel, setting me on edge.

I nod. Then I start putting a new filter and coffee grounds into the machine. A sound behind me makes me turn around, like someone spoke, but too quietly. Damned normal human senses... "Sorry?"

"I'm sorry." Lance's eyes are serious. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" I turn to the counter, pouring water into the machine and then turning it on. I take a deep breath before I turn back to Lance. "Sorry about what?" This better be good.

"About last night. About... all the nights before that. I..." He shakes his head, wringing his hands together. "I've just not been too well lately." He glances at me, but then looks at his hands.

He's trying. Gotta give him that. I go over to the table, sitting on the other side. "What's going on? What happened?"

"It's stupid." Lance shakes his head.

"What is?"

He sighs. "I got demoted. They demoted me at work. Not fired, not laid off, they demoted me." He growls. "When I'm supposed to be the one keeping this place running... Fuck."

Oh. "I'm sorry." But why does he have to take that out on me? "You didn't have to keep it a secret."

Lance nods. "I know. It's just... bad for the ego." He flashes a little bit of a smile. "I shouldn't have done all that... I was too wrapped up in my own head. Too much focused on how you were getting ahead in life and I was stuck here."

I'm not sure I believe him entirely. The idea of me somehow 'cheating' on him is too much part of whatever is making him angry. But he's calm now and I don't want to ruin that.

"Jules..." Something in his voice makes me look up at him, something soft, caring. Then he pulls his shirt over his head, sliding his chair back. "Go ahead."

Drinking. Blood. I involuntarily lick my lips. "Are you sure?" I don't know...

Lance nods. "This is what we are to each other, right? I'm the donor, you're the vampire."

"Not all of it." But I stand up anyway, going over to him. "We're also friends. You can tell me when things get rough."

He nods again. "But keeping this from you goes against both of that." He reaches out, pulling me onto his lap. "Go ahead."

I move a little, making myself more comfortable on his lap. "Thank you." My eyes are already locked onto his shoulder, on the veins I know run below the skin. He drank booze last night, but his hangover doesn't seem too bad, he seems pretty sober, so this should be fine... should be...

But my brain disconnects from my instincts. I need the blood. I need it. Now.

I lean in close, putting my mouth over the side of his neck. His skin under my lips is warm, the veins pumping the blood around.

As I take a breath, my teeth start growing, getting sharper, my body readying itself.

Then I bite down, piercing the skin. Blood pooling into my mouth immediately and I drink greedily. I need this. I need this so badly.

This is good. This is so good. I'm so thirsty.

So thirsty.

With this I can last a week, maybe more. Maybe.

Need. I need.

* * *

A car drives up next to me as I walk off the campus grounds towards the bus stop. It stops, honking twice.

I look up, finding Lance glaring at me. Really?

He opens the window on my side. "Get in. I'm taking you home. You're not going out with someone again."

What? He's been drinking, hasn't he? "I'm going home, I take the bus home."

"Not tonight." Lance shakes his head.

Okay... But letting him drive around drunk doesn't seem like a good idea either. "Only if you let me drive. You're drunk."

"Fine." Lance turns the car off and gets out, handing me the keys. "But I'm keeping my eyes on you."

I take the keys, not saying anything. It's not like anything I say makes any difference, it's not like I can get through to him when he's like this.

Then I get in the car and drive home.

This is so not happening. Not anymore.

I'm out.

No matter what.

I'm out.

* * *

I stand in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Lance stumble around trying to get himself a glass of water.

"I'm moving out." I swallow hard, my throat closing up a little. I need to do this, and I need to do it now.

Lance spins around, his eyes blazing. "What? To move in with your slut, right? You've already got yourself a nice new warm place to move into, right?"

I shake my head. What is it with these delusions of him? "I'm not moving in anywhere. I just can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Lance comes closer and I keep my hands up, not wanting to get pushed too far.

"Fighting. Fighting with you. Your accusations. I've not done anything wrong. I just can't do it anymore." Not on top of everything else.

Lance snorts, the sound harsh almost violent. "You can't keep doing this? What about me? What about what you're doing to me?" His eyes take on a dangerous glint. He grabs my arms, holding me, pushing me back against the door frame. "Tell me the truth."

"Lance, let me go." I don't want to do this, but it seems like I'll have to. "Let me go."

"Or what?" He leans in closer, his alcohol drenched breath hitting my face.

"Or I'll have to push you away."

Lance snorts again, shaking his head.

"Let me go." But all it does is making him tighten his grip on me. I put my hands to his chest. "Last warning."

But instead of moving away, Lance pushes closer, getting into my space. "Like you can do anything... I'm not scared."

I push him off me with enough force to make him fly all the way through the kitchen, making him bang against the other wall before he slides to the ground. My heart is in my throat, I hate using my real strength. I hate how fragile human bodies are and how easily they get hurt. Way too easily.

Lance is a little dazed, but doesn't seem too badly harmed. "This isn't over." He glares at me, not getting up.

"Yes, it is." I step back, putting more distance between us. "I'm out of here tomorrow morning. I'm grabbing my things tonight and I'll be out of your hair by tomorrow. I'm sorry it has to be like this." I turn around, going up the stairs.

I thought I had a safe place to live, but apparently that didn't last very long, not long at all.

Fuck.

* * *

A loud noise wakes me up, and this time there really is something going on. Before I even blink, a fist connects with the side of my face.

Fuck!

What the hell?

I move, getting off the bed as fast as I can. Why didn't I wake earlier? What's going on? The whole side of my face is throbbing.

Lance is standing in my room, hovering over my bed, a crazed look in his eyes. "So it just took a little longer for that stuff to start working... Interesting."

What? What the hell?

Lance lets out a laugh and it makes me feel sick. What did he do? What the fuck did he do? Is that why everything has been so off for the last day?

Fuck.

"Now you're not so special anymore, vamp-boy. You're nothing but an insect now." He comes over, a threatening grin on his face. "Like anyone is going to want you. Who would care for a freak like you? Who?"

I shake my head, not finding the words. What did he do? What the hell did he do to me?

Flashes of something from my past comes up. Flashes of something that weakens vampires. Flashes of a dark room, of blood everywhere, of pain and loss and crying. Vampire hunters!

Fuck.

What has Lance gotten himself into?

I have to get out of here. Now!

Now!

# 5. Sean

It's the end of the evening classes and Jules still hasn't shown up. I keep staring at his empty seat, willing him to just appear there.

Something was off about him yesterday, maybe he was just getting ill or something. But I don't feel right about this. I don't feel like it's just him not feeling too well. Something is wrong. And I don't even have a way to contact Jules, I can't even reach out to him to make sure that he's okay. Nothing at all. Fuck.

When I leave the classroom, the professor stops me. "Do you know where Jules is?"

I shake my head. "No idea. Sorry."

He nods, looking worried. "He's always here. Always. It's strange for him not to show up." He takes a breath, smiling a little. "Thanks for being his friend though. He seems to be more at ease now. He never really fit in with the others."

No surprise there. But I just nod. "No problem. He's a good guy." What else am I supposed to say?

The professor nods again. "He is. Okay. I've got to get home. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." I hike my bag up more and then leave the classroom.

How I wish I actually had Jules' number or some other way to contact him. I'm not sure if sending him an email on his college account will be of any use.

It feels weird for Jules not to be here, and the way he looked last night... What's going on?

I look around me as I walk around the college campus. Maybe he'll show up here, though I don't really believe in it myself.

It doesn't have to mean anything. Him looking off yesterday and not showing up today doesn't have to mean anything.

It could all be a lousy coincidence...

Right?

* * *

The next day, I keep looking at Jules' seat and it seems to irritate Darren to no end.

"You serious? The guy is old enough. He can look after himself. Stop looking like a lost puppy," Darren growls at me.

"I just have a bad feeling about this." I shrug.

Darren raises his eyebrow at me, but then sighs. "Whatever. Just don't fail this class."

Yeah, yeah.

Though, I have a hard time staying focused on what's going on. I'm just automatically copying what the professor is writing on the board, not really absorbing any of the information. I shouldn't be this distracted over some guy, but I can't help it. I can't.

The second half of our classes today is more of a self-study thing, as the professor gives us feedback on the assignments we handed in and we can ask questions about this week's assignments.

I keep spacing out, my eyes on Jules' chair. It's only a couple more minutes until the end of class, luckily.

Someone steps between me and Jules' chair, and for a moment I think it's the professor, but it's Devin, his eyes serious. He leans in, keeping his voice low. "Jules is in the break room right now. He asked me to get you. He doesn't look too well."

I swallow hard, my stomach dropping. So something was going on. I knew it. "Thanks." I nod.

"I think it's better if you go now. I don't think he'll want anyone else to see him like that." Devin frowns.

"Like what?" Anger and worry spike in me. "What's going on?"

Devin shakes his head. "You'll have to see for yourself. But I'd move now, if I were you." He stands up again, stepping past me to his own seat.

I look at Darren, but the guy is too engrossed in one of his videogames to even realise something is going on. I quickly grab my laptop and notebook and stash them into my bag.

Then I stand up and go to the front of the room, to the professor. "I've got to leave a little earlier today. I already handed in the assignments." I hope he doesn't do something to stop me.

"Okay. See you tomorrow." He doesn't even really pay attention. Interesting... Then again, it's not like I usually make much trouble and all.

I close the door to the classroom behind me carefully and make my way over to the break room as quickly as possible.

Devin was right, Jules is sitting on the chairs at the far end of the room, huddled over, arms wrapped around himself.

My heart starts beating fast, worry making my steps speed up. "Jules?" I reach out to him, but then pull my hand back as I kneel in front of him. "Jules?"

"Hi." Jules' voice creaks, and damnit if it doesn't break my heart a little.

"What's going on?"

He shakes his head, but as he relaxes a little, I catches a glimpse of his face.

Fuck.

I reach up, putting my hand under his chin. First, he fights me, but then he lets me move his head up. I turn his face to the side, letting the lights of the room give me a better look at what's going on.

Jules' eye and side of his face are a dark blue, almost black. It looks horrible and makes my stomach churn. Oh, hell no.

"Who did this?" I growl, not able to hide how angry this makes me.

Jules pulls his head away again, hiding his face, shaking his head.

"Jules? Who did this? What happened?"

But he keeps quiet, not answering me.

I put my hands on his knees, trying a different direction. "Why did you ask for me? What do you need?"

He stills, his whole body on high alert. "Can I... Can I crash at your place for a couple of days? Just a few days." His voice is still croaking and it hurts just hearing it.

"Of course." Like I need to think about that. "Of course you can stay at my place."

Jules nods, but doesn't move.

Okay. I guess it's up to me then. "That bag, is that all you have?"

Jules nods again.

"Okay." I grab it. It's got some weight to it, but it feels unmistakably like a runaway bag... Just the essentials for when you're running away from somewhere. "Let's go." I want to reach out again, but I also don't want to scare him. He looks broken enough.

Jules stands up, wobbling for a moment and I grab him, keeping him on his feet.

He flinches in my arms, pulling back. Then he looks up at me, his eyes filled with things I don't even want to name. "Sorry. So sorry." He steps away, averting his eyes, tightening his arms around himself.

"It's okay." That look... He's terrified. Terrified of being touched, and with those bruises... I don't blame him.

I need to get him home. I need to get him to a safe place. I need to get him to safety.

Jules needs a safe place right now.

* * *

The ride back to my place is quiet. Luckily, there aren't a lot of people on the bus right now. It's pretty quiet, which means fewer people staring at Jules.

I keep glancing at him in the reflection of the window. He's so fragile right now, I just want to take him in my arms, but I'm not sure that's exactly a good idea... He flinches every time I even come close to him.

I can't help but be so angry with whoever did this to him. What the hell? Who would do this to him? I just can't believe it...

"We have to get off here." I stand up and Jules slowly follows me. His movements seem to hurt and I don't want to think about what else may have been done to him.

Jules keeps following me, walking behind me, as we go into the building and I let him into my studio.

"It's not big, but it's home." I shrug, putting our bags on the floor next to the door.

I take my jacket off and put it on the hooks next to the door before I walk in further, going over to the couches.

If he's sleeping here, he'll probably want one of the couches to sleep on. I guess that my mum insisting that I have at least one sofa bed for people to crash on is now a blessing... At least I have a decently good place to offer Jules to sleep on tonight.

When I turn around, Jules is still standing at the door, looking down, not moving at all. "Jules? You can come in. Take off your jacket. You're safe here."

I'm not sure what it is that I said, but suddenly he's moving again, his whole stance changing, sagging. He takes his jacket and his cool boots off, and steps into the rest of the room. He's shaking, his hands moving in quick movements.

What am I supposed to do next? I never have people over at my place, apart from those whose only needs are knowing where my bed is and how quickly I can get out of my clothes... But I'm pretty sure that's not what Jules needs right now.

I push myself off the couch. "This is my living area. The kitchen is over there, next to the bathroom, and my bed is upstairs." I point at it. Feeling a little silly.

Jules nods, not speaking, I'm not even sure he looked where I was pointing.

"Do you want something to drink? I think I've got beer and water and... ehh."

Jules shakes his head vehemently. "No alcohol." Is that fear in his voice?

"Okay." How do you help a scared kitten like him? "Water, then?"

Jules nods.

I almost turn away, off to get a glass of water, but then I stop. "Jules..." I slowly reach out to him, not touching him yet. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe here. You're safe."

Jules doesn't move now.

I close the last distance between us, putting my hand on his arm carefully. He flinches, but then, like before, he leans in a little, his breath calming down. Can I do more? Should I? "Jules?" My voice sounds strange.

He takes a step closer, putting his head on my shoulder, leaning on me.

I slowly wrap my arms around him, holding him carefully. I don't know what's wrong, but he needs comfort, he needs safety. He relaxes a little in my arms, not as tense anymore.

We stand like that for a while, not moving, not sure what to do next. But it seems that I can touch him, he even wants it. Now, how to not freak him out again.

"Are you okay with sleeping on the couch?" I move my arms up and down his back a little.

He nods against my shoulder.

Something occurs to me. "Have you slept at all, these last days?" He just looks so exhausted.

He stills for a moment, but then shakes his head, just minuscule movements.

Ah. Well... I guess that going to sleep would be a really good idea right about now then. "I'll get you a glass of water, and then we'll go to sleep. I think that's the best idea."

Jules nods, stepping away, and I immediately miss his touch. He felt good in my arms, so good.

"Do you..." I reach up to his face, but Jules flinches back, his eyes filling with fear all over again. Fuck. Okay.

Then his face falls, and his eyes dart around the room. "Sorry. Sorry. You don't have to worry." His breath hitches. "It just looks bad. It doesn't really hurt."

No worrying? I don't think he realises how much he makes me worry. "Okay." I step away, trying to give him more space. He's so skittish, so easily startled. "I'll get you your water."

I go over to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water, taking a moment to gather my thoughts.

When I saw him sitting in the break room, I knew something was wrong. And to see his bruised face, the broken way he moves... I've been running on high alert ever since. This urge to protect him is so strong. I want to protect him. No, I need to protect him.

I turn back to where Jules is and catch him rubbing his hand over his face.

I want to hold him again. I want to hold him and protect him and never let him go.

But that's not possible, especially with how easily startled he is. Holding him... he's like a live wire, constantly so tightly wound that he could explode at each moment.

My heart hurts for him. I don't know what to do. But it can't be easy, living like you're always going to be hurt, always waiting for someone to hurt you.

Always expecting pain, never love...

# 6. Jules

It's strange, being in the place where Sean lives. It feels so much like him, simple, clean, but a little disorganised and above all, it feels welcoming.

As I look around, my heartbeat finally calms down a little. I'm safe here, I think I'm safe here.

I've not slept since Lance attacked me. I barely got out of that place, and alive is currently an overstatement of how I feel. I don't know what it is he gave me, how he even gave it to me. But my body is so weak. I'm so weak right now. I'm not healing at all, the bruises on my body ugly dark blotches, the pain a constant reminder of how Lance wanted to force me to stay, even if it meant breaking me and locking me up.

Lance... What went wrong?

When I look up, I find Sean staring at me, his eyes dark with worry.

Why did I think it was a good idea to come here? But with everything going on, the only thing I remembered was Sean's offer. His offer of spending time together, of hanging out together. It kept going through my head. He's been the only light thing in my life for the last weeks. And I know it's unfair to push all of this on him, but I didn't know where else to go. I didn't know what else to do.

And since whatever Lance gave me is messing with my head so badly, I also can't really think clearly. I just knew that Sean made me feel welcome, made me feel safe, and suddenly I found myself going to the college, hoping to find him. I never thought any further than finding him. I never thought about what would happen if he actually took me home.

Sean comes over with the glass of water. "Here." He gives me the glass and I take a sip.

"Thanks." I hate how rough my voice sounds.

He nods. "If you want to sleep, the couch can be unfolded into a bed and there is a blanket under it. That should keep you warm for the night." He smiles a little and every time it eases the tension inside me a little more.

"Thanks." I look to the couch. I really should go to sleep. That's a good idea.

"I'll turn the overhead lights off. There is a light on the table next to the couch for you." He turns it on, then he turns to me. "Will you be okay?"

I nod. It's not like I don't know how to go to bed by myself. But his care slowly breaks down my defences, making me feel more comfortable and safe the longer I'm with him.

"Okay. Good night." He turns the overhead lights off as he walks up the stairs to the raised platform where his bed is. He turns a small light on near his bed and I sit down on the couch. It looks big enough for me to sleep on, even the way it is right now. I'm not that tall or broad.

I lean my head back against the back of the couch, closing my eyes, taking slow breaths, finally finding the last pieces in myself that are still tense and need relaxing a little. I'm safe here, nobody knows to look for me here. I'm safe. Sean will... He'll protect me if he feels I'm in danger. That look in his eyes before... I know that he will protect me no matter what, even if I'm probably a hundred times stronger than he is, normally...

Then, as I open my eyes again, they fall on Sean as he's undressing, getting ready for bed. He's taking his shirt off, the low light casting shadows over his stomach, over his chest, over the muscles shaping him. The light and shadows make his muscles look even more pronounced. He isn't built, but he definitely takes care of his body, that's obvious. If I remember correctly, he used to play basketball or something, with Darren.

Then my eyes slide lower and catch the small trail of hair going from his belly button down into his jeans. Oh, fuck. Well, that's my dick coming to live now.

I close my eyes again. No matter what, it seems that I just can't keep my eyes off Sean. Can't stop looking at him, can't stop wanting him... Fuck. I'm really hard, almost painfully so.

When I open my eyes again, Sean is pulling down his jeans, his ass well shaped, like the rest of his body.

Okay, bad. I shouldn't be staring like this.

I stand up, putting the glass on the table next to the couch and then go to the door that Sean pointed at as being the bathroom. I should probably go get ready for bed, brush my teeth and everything, instead of staring at the guy who so kindly took me in.

Probably.

* * *

When I get back out, after staring at myself in the mirror and brushing and tying back my hair for the night, Sean is already in bed. I can see a little light coming from his bed, his phone or something, probably.

I go over to the couch, feeling around for the blanket under it, and then get back on the couch, pulling the blanket over me.

It's quiet here. So quiet.

As I breathe, everything in my head comes to a halt.

And, out of nowhere, I'm hit by everything that has happened these last days. The fear, the panic, the pain. It overtakes me, forcing all other thoughts out of my head, forcing everything else away.

I can barely breathe, the tears slowly sliding down my cheeks. The panic makes it so hard to breathe, makes it so hard to think.

What happens next? What happens if Lance finds me again? What will he do? And where did he get the drug that makes me feel like this? Why did he do this?

What will happen if I have to drink blood again? Can I ask Sean? Can I reveal my secret to him? Can I drink from Sean?

And what will happen if Sean sends me away? What if he's disgusted? What if he hates me?

It's so hard to breathe. I hate this panic, I hate this fear.

"Jules." Sean's voice is quiet, his scent hitting me as he's suddenly near. "Jules... Are you okay? Are you in pain?"

He's turned the light next to the couch back on and I can see the pain in his eyes, the worry.

I shake my head, not sure how to even speak. I reach out to him, touching his face, the line that appears between his eyebrows when he's worried, the line of his jaw. How I wish I could just know that I'd really be safe here, especially now I'm so weak. But I know that I can't stay here for very long, I'll have to move on. I know that. I can't get Sean into danger too.

"Do you need some time to yourself? I can take a walk or something." He's about to stand up, but I grab his arm in reflex. I can't be alone.

But I can't say the words. I can't speak, I can't make the words, they're stuck inside me. Always stuck. I hate when they get stuck like this.

Sean kneels down again, letting out a slow breath, and then he reaches out to me, his eyes kind as he carefully runs his thumb over my cheek.

I can't help the flinch as he touches me. It happens every time, it always happens. But he doesn't pull his hand back, not this time, and I'm so thankful for it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice is soft.

I shake my head. It's not like I can explain it to him, or even find the words to tell him.

He nods. "Is there anything else I can do?"

How I wish I knew how he could help me. I'm as lost as he is right now.

"Okay." This time, as he stand up, I'm not fast enough to stop him, instead grabbing the back of his shirt.

My heart is beating like crazy. Fear already gripping me.

I can't be alone. I can't be alone right now. I can't. If I'm alone, the panic comes back. Having Sean nearby calms me down. He can't go.

Sean turns to me, carefully taking my hand where it's gripping his shirt in a vise. My knuckles are white and I didn't even realise it.

"You want me to stay?" It's the same question he asked before and my answer is the same.

I nod, closing my eyes as I force my hand to let the back of his shirt go. This is bad. This is really bad.

"Okay. We're going to have to unfold the couch though, it's not big enough for the both of us like this." He smiles a little.

I nod, sitting up and then carefully standing up, my whole body weak. Lack of sleep, fear, and my body constantly being on high alert. It's taken its toll.

Sean easily unfolds the couch, making a double bed out of it. It's not big, but I guess it's big enough for two adults.

Then he turns to me. "I'm just going to grab my phone and a blanket and pillow, okay?" He waits for me to answer.

I nod, waiting for him to return before I get back on the couch.

I make myself comfortable on one side of the couch, pulling the blanket over me, as Sean climbs in on the other side.

I don't know why, but as soon as he's settled and I stretch out a little better, a real calm overcomes me.

A real calm. Safety. Just having Sean asleep right next to me, it makes me feel safe. I've not felt this safe in years.

Not since... No. I'm not going there. This is now, this is different.

"Good night." Sean's voice is soft and warm and I smile a little.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I guess I'll just have to hope he understands.

His breathing evens out, and before long, I doze off too.

Finally able to sleep.

Sleep.

* * *

I open my eyes. They're hurting. It's like they're filled with sand or something. Like I've gone diving in the desert and I didn't wear goggles or something. The banging in my head doesn't make it any better either.

When I finally realise where I am, what I'm seeing in front of me. Everything from last night starts clicking into place. I'm at Sean's place. He took me here after he found me and I slept here.

No, we slept here. He slept in this same bed as me. Bed... couch.

I turn to my back, staring up and then to the kitchen, where Sean is putting something in a bag.

Then he looks my way and smiles. "Morning."

"Morn." My voice is like gravel and I wince, both at the sound, and the rough feeling in my throat.

Sean grabs a glass with water and comes over, kneeling at my side. "Here, something to drink. How are you feeling?"

I sit up, taking the glass and drinking it in one go. At least that feels better, the cool water helps with the dry throat. "Headache." I close my eyes again. This is always the worst part of having a breakdown and crying, the damn headache in the morning.

"Aspirin, paracetamol or ibuprofen?" Sean stands up again.

I glance up at him. Why does he have so much choice?

Sean shrugs, looking a little sheepish. "My mum stocked it when I moved here."

"Ibuprofen." Safest choice for me.

"Will do." He goes into the bathroom and comes out with a strip. Then he takes the glass from me and refills it. When he's back, he sits on the table in front of the couch. "I'm about to go to work. It's half past seven. I don't know if you want to leave the house today, but there are a key and a key card on the table. Those will get you back into the house."

"Thanks." My voice is still rough, but at least it feels a little better.

"No problem. Now, you rest. I'll be back after work and before class starts." He stands up, looking at me one last time, I don't know how to read the look on his face, but it doesn't seem bad. He grabs his bag and puts on his shoes and jacket. "See you later."

"Later." I nod at him and he flashes me a bright smile, making my heart skip a beat, before he leaves the house.

I let myself fall back onto the couch, groaning as the sudden movement makes my headache worse.

Fuck. I'm so fucked.

Why did I think coming here was a good idea? How did I think this would help? How can Sean help me?

The only thing he does is make me hard, really hard. I reach down, trying to move myself more comfortably in my jeans. The jeans I slept in all night. Ugh.

It seems I know what to do first, after the ibuprofen has kicked in. I'm in desperate need of a shower and clean clothes. I can decide on what to do with the rest of my day after that.

Yeah, that's a good plan.

A shower and then deciding what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my day.

# 7. Sean

I keep looking at Jules as he's eating, probably ignoring my gaze if the way he's looking down at his plate is anything to go by.

When I came in from work, Jules was standing in the kitchen, cooking. He was actually cooking and it smelled so good. It made me feel a little silly for having bought some frozen pizzas for us to quickly eat before class. But it's still good to know that the guy can cook. And really well too.

"Do you like it?" Jules glances up.

"Yeah, it's good. Thanks." And I watch as his cheeks colour and he looks back down at his plate. "Did I have all of this in the house?" Since my mum stocked most of the kitchen when I moved in, I really have no idea what I actually have...

He shakes his head. "Most of it you had, but I got the mince and the sauce from one of the stores nearby."

Well, that meant he'd at least left the house for a moment today. I guess that's good?

"It's the least I could do for you letting me crash here." Jules shrugs.

"Don't worry. You needed a place and I've got enough space, sort of. It's not much, but it's better than a crappy hotel or sleeping in the streets." I watch as Jules nods, but then he eats again, letting the conversation go into nothing.

I check the time. Damnit.

"Hey..." I reach out, putting my hand next to his. "It's about time to leave for class."

Jules looks up, meeting my eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah." I grin. "I'm not letting you drop out just because you're staying here, you know."

"I don't know if I'm up for it already." Jules' voice is low, dejected.

"You've already missed out on two days. I don't think missing any more is going to be a good idea." I stand up, taking my empty plate to the sink, rinsing it before I put it to the side.

I hear Jules move behind me and then he hands me his empty plate. "I guess." I barely hear the words, but I can't help smiling. "I'll get ready." He goes over to his bag next to the couch and I rinse his plate before I turn around too.

Jules is standing in the middle of the room, brushing his hair carefully.

My hands itch to touch it, his beautiful hair, and I go over to him. "Can I?" I hold out my hand.

Jules looks at me, surprised, but then he looks at my hand and gives me the brush, turning his back to me. That was much easier than I expected.

I take a section of his hair and carefully run the brush through it. It's so soft, so very soft. Almost like silk in my hands. I keep brushing it, running the brush through his hair, watching how it moves in my hands and how it falls over his back.

I put the brush down and slowly run my other hand through Jules' hair, just combing it with my fingers, from his scalp all the way down to the ends. Then I do it with both hands. It feels so soft and silky. I love it.

In front of me, Jules is letting out small contend sounds, his whole stance relaxing.

If I step any closer, I can kiss his neck... I can kiss his beautiful pale neck, run my lips all over it.

That thought pulls me from my trance, though. While it would be fun for me, I'm pretty sure Jules isn't up for it.

I take the brush, pulling all his hair together. "How long have you been growing it out?"

Jules jolts a little, as if he was dozing off or something. "About seven or eight years. It's been a long time." There is a small smile in his voice.

"It's nice. Is this your real hair colour?" The colour is such a deep black, even though he has dark brown eyes, it still looks unreal.

Jules nods, turning around, facing me. "Yeah." He swallows hard, his cheeks a little flushed and I want to kiss him so badly. "I'm lucky with the colour, it's unusual."

I nod. It's definitely unusual, but it looks very good on him.

We stay like that for a little longer, both with our own thoughts and I'm not sure about him, but most of mine revolve around wanting to slide my fingers into his hair and holding him so I can kiss him real deep.

Fuck. I shouldn't be getting hard like this, not if we still have to go to class.

I clear my throat, turning away. "I think we need to go, or we'll be late for class. Are you ready?"

"Yeah." Jules' voice is rough, but not in a painful way, in a... sexual way.

"Cool." I'm about to walk off, but Jules grabs my shirt, stopping me. I turn back to him. "Yeah?"

"Will you..." He shakes his head. "Will you sit with me in class?" He doesn't look at me as he talks, but I can't help my smile.

"Sure. I'll sit with you. But we really do have to leave now."

He lets me go again, nodding, finally starting to move.

That was unexpected, or maybe not. Jules seems a little attached to me, in a very little-bird kind of way. Like he needs a lot of protection and care, and I don't mind giving it to him. Just that... Yeah... My body would like even more from him.

Things that I'm not sure I should be asking of him right now.

* * *

I look at Jules in the reflection of the window again as we sit in the bus. This way I can look at Jules without him catching me staring. He is staring into nothing himself, zoning out as we drive through the streets.

What happened to him? His black eye is slowly turning green and yellow at the edges, the range of colours impressive, if it didn't look like it really hurt. Jules told me that it didn't hurt, but with a bruise like that... It has to hurt, it just has to. I wish I knew how to help him, I wish I knew what happened so that I could protect him next time. Maybe.

But it's not like he's going to tell me everything now just because he's crashing on my couch. I don't think this 'friendship' thing has quite reached that level yet. I don't know anything about Jules, apart from him being a pretty good programmer and us taking the same classes. Well, that, and that Darren is convinced the guy is gay, but unless he actually tells me or shows me anything to make me believe it too, I'm not going to guess on his sexuality or anything. Yes, he's awkward around guys, but he seems pretty awkward in general.

I don't know. Jules is a mystery. But the way his eyes sometimes glaze over in pain... I know that no matter my feelings for him, I can't do anything. The guy has been hurt badly enough, I'm not going to do anything to make it worse.

"We have to get off here." I touch Jules' shoulder and he flinches.

It hurts each time he does it, not because he does it when I touch him, but because I don't want to know what made him this jumpy all the time. Especially when I've seen how much he craves touch when he feels safe. Jules being so jumpy is very much against who he is as a person, who he is when he's not putting up this front. I've seen glimpses of the real him underneath, and it's a totally different guy. So whatever it is that made him this jumpy of touch or even attention from others, it's got to be bad.

Jules stands up, and we get off the bus, walking up to the building in silence. But instead of going inside, he walks to the side a little, to a small smoking area.

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows at him as he takes a pack of cigarettes from his bag.

Jules shrugs. "They scare me," he says before he lights a cigarette, the red glow casting interesting shadows over his face. Then he eyes me. "You can go inside first if you want to."

I shake my head, stepping closer, but out of the way of the smoke. "I don't disagree with you on the guys. They can be annoying." It's not like I don't have the need to punch Darren's face in at least once every evening. And with the size difference between Darren and Jules... Yeah... I can imagine how they've been treating Jules.

"I thought you guys were friends? Why do you hang with them?" Jules looks a little surprised.

"I used to be friends with Darren, back in high school. Before..." I shrug. Why even explain it? It's pretty obvious why Darren is annoying now.

"Aren't you scared that he'll bully you too, for hanging out with me?" There is a vulnerability in Jules' voice, but he's looking away from me.

I step even closer, making sure Jules hears me. "He doesn't scare me. I've always been stronger than him. And if he bullies you again, tell me, yeah?" I know my voice is nearing a growl, but I've been trying to get Darren to behave normally and not like a stupid fourteen-year-old all semester. I think it's been going pretty well, but I know that I'm not always there and Darren has always had a little bit too much a need to be the 'funny' guy by putting others down and it seems like nobody's stopped him since I left.

Jules nods, taking a drag from his cigarette. "Sure." But I'm not so sure that he really will.

We're standing in silence, and I feel a little uncomfortable. I wish I could tell him things, but what we've got going, the sort-of friendship thing... I don't think it's really gotten to where I can tell him things about my past. And other things... The things I want to ask him... Not the time or the place for that either.

Jules grinds out his cigarette on top of the trash can and turns to the building. The light from behind the windows illuminates his slightly flushed face. "Let's get inside."

Inside. Of course. Facing the class, learning new things.

Fun.

* * *

I lean back as the end of the evening classes finally arrives, stretching. Today was a very... information heavy day. Lots of notes and things. And sitting next to Jules wasn't helping my concentration either.

Jules grabs his bag, putting his things in it, but I take my time. "Don't rush. The bus won't be here for another twenty minutes."

I calmly start packing my things, maybe a little too slowly, as suddenly, Darren is standing at the table, glaring at me.

"Evening." I grin, enjoying the look he's giving me. He's really not happy.

"Why are you sitting with him, not with us?" He glares at Jules, who stills next to me.

"Because I didn't feel like it today." I stand up, simply grabbing my bag. "And now we're off, we need to catch a bus. So we should be going."

Darren grumbles, and stops me as I'm trying to pass him. "To make up for it, come out with us tomorrow. There is this new place with really hot girls. I heard that they are having a special cocktail night tomorrow or something."

Like I want to watch him hit on girls again?

"No, thanks." I shrug his hand off. "I know more fun things to do than watch you make a fool out of yourself."

"What? You going to spend a romantic evening with a freak like him instead of going out and having actual fun?" Darren sneers, his eyes going angry.

I turn to him, grabbing the front of his shirt, out of view from the professor, luckily. "It seems that you keep 'forgetting' that I don't go for women, and that watching you get drunk and hit on girls who have no interest in you is really no fun way to spend the evening. Get a grip." I'm about to let him go, but then tighten my grip on him. "Also, Jules is not a freak. Stop acting like a ten year old who got his favourite toy taken away from him just because not everyone is straight and worshipping at the altar of Darren. Grow up." I finally let him go, definitely done with the night now. Done with Darren mostly.

I turn to Jules, who is staring at me with big eyes and I don't know if I scared him or if he's impressed. "We need to get to the bus." Even though it will take a while longer before it gets here, but I really need to get away from Darren and this place.

I need out of here.

Stat.

# 8. Jules

I'm not exactly sure what to think of what just happened between Sean and Darren, or the way that Sean reacted to what Darren said. He seemed pretty angry for something so simple. Just a stupid word.

Though, thinking back, Sean did tell me to tell him when Darren was being an ass to me again, so this could be part of that too. I almost smile to myself, if only they knew... If only Sean knew that I'd be able to crush Darren's arms with a simple twitch of my hand if I hadn't been drugged with whatever Lance gave me. But he doesn't know, they don't know, and right now, I also can't do it.

But it doesn't leave me unaffected. The way Sean acts around me, or the way his heart went crazy when he was brushing my hair. I've heard it a couple of times before, when he gets close or looks at me a certain way, his heart does that going really fast thing that some people do when they're attracted to someone. And it's flattering, even if I can't show him how it influences me too. How I feel about him too.

I can't because I'm just crashing at his place for a little while. We're not doing anything more than that. Really. I don't think the guy needs anything more than he's already going through, and I really need to leave here as soon as I finish my degree. I just can't stay. And when I do leave, I need to leave everything behind, I can't take anything with me, or anyone. It's the rule of being a vampire, especially one who ages a single year in five years time.

As I follow Sean to the bus stop, a car drives in front of the college campus slowly and my heart starts beating faster, panic rushing through me. That can't be Lance, right? It can't be. He wouldn't do that. Although, I don't know. Sometimes I've got no idea if I ever really knew Lance...

I sigh, almost bumping into Sean as he stops, turning to me, his eyes dark.

"I'm sorry." His voice is soft.

"For what?" Not really sure what he's talking about.

"For how I reacted in class. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have been that aggressive to Darren or let him influence me so much. Sorry." He really looks like he means it.

I shrug. It was a little surprising, but mostly because I hadn't seen that side of him, and I've seen a little bit too much aggression from Lance lately. But Sean seemed to be constantly in control, not lashing out but more a very focused anger.

"I shouldn't have. He just really got to me today." Sean pulls a face. "It's a stupid excuse, but whatever."

I nod. Not sure how to answer him and Sean also stays quiet until the bus arrives.

Awkward.

* * *

When we got back to Sean's place, and got comfortable with some drinks at the kitchen table, he seemed to relax again. He started talking about something he was working on at his job, a program/game that taught kids how to count and combine colours to make new colours. It sounds fun, if a little basic. But he seems really into it. It's interesting to see him so focused and interested. It's kind of sweet.

It also means that I don't really have to say anything, he talks for two.

Then Sean stands up. "I'm going to take a shower before we go to sleep. I'll be right back." He puts his glass in the sink and then goes over to his closet, grabs some clothes, and then grabs a towel from the shelves next to the bathroom and disappears.

Is it bad that I'm a little disappointed that he went in there fully dressed? Is it bad that I looked forward to seeing some skin again? I don't know anymore. I really don't know anymore, and that kind of makes me wonder why I even do this, why now? Why am I suddenly interested in someone again? And it doesn't feel like just wanting to have sex with him, I really want to spend time with him, get to know him better, be with him... This is... I don't do this, not anymore, and especially not with humans...

I lean back in the chair and then remember that I haven't had my phone on since I ran away from Lance's place. The strange thing is that with Sean around... I don't even miss being on my phone all the time and then I apparently suddenly forget to check it at all. But it also means that I'll probably have a lot of messages. Great.

I dig for my phone in my bag and turn it on, putting in my code and waiting for the messages to arrive. It starts buzzing, the messages adding up and up. After a couple of moments, and hundreds of messages, I turn the sound off.

My heart is trying to burst out of my chest, fear gripping me. I can't believe that I'd have this many messages.

I don't need to check them to know that they're all from Lance, he's the only one who ever tries to contact me through my phone. He's the only one who ever sends me messages and things.

But remembering Lance's accusations also reminds me of the fact that in some way, he was right. I did rush over to a guy I'm attracted to, I did just crash at the guy's place. I run away from Lance and the next day I'm already getting closer to Sean, thinking of him even more, wanting him even more. I have been having a crush on Sean for weeks now. But Lance and I weren't dating, we've not been boyfriends, so it's still not cheating or whatever.

But that doesn't take away that I went from living with one guy right into living with another guy.

I'm such a slut. Just like Lance said...

I turn the phone over, checking if it has stopped receiving messages yet.

Five hundred unread messages and a hundred missed calls... Lance really hadn't stopped trying. He really doesn't know when to stop.

Just then, another message comes in. 'I hope you're rotting in some ditch right now. Wishing you'd never left. Even if you came back, begging, I'd never take you back. Ever. You ruined this. You ruined this when you started cheating on me.'

My stomach gets all tied in knots and I quickly swipe the message away, turning the phone over again.

I don't need to see this. I shouldn't have to see this. I left because it wasn't safe anymore there. The fact that I'm still drugged and weak only proves it. But somehow, Lance has other ideas about what exactly has been going on.

The door to the bathroom opens and Sean steps out, his sweatpants hanging low, his shirt riding up as he's running a towel through his short hair. Fucking edible.

I quickly turn away, grabbing my phone and going over to my bag, avoiding looking at Sean, avoiding looking at the temptation. It's not like anything can happen... Not right now. Not while I'm still recovering...

Not that my dick seems to care about the last part.

"Jules?" Sean's voice is low, sexy, making my dick even harder. Then he comes over to me. "Jules?" His heartbeat is normal, but I hear it spike. He's worried.

I nod, pretending to be looking for something in my bag.

"Maybe it's a good idea if you take a shower too? Maybe it relaxes you a little." Then his fingers touch the top of my head a few moments, sliding into my hair, before he quickly pulls back.

Yeah... If he starts doing that again... I don't know if I can keep my hands off him.

I nod again, standing up. A shower, yeah. That's a good idea. Maybe that clears my head a little.

Maybe it makes me forget what I just saw.

* * *

I run my hand over the mirror in the bathroom, clearing some of the steam off it, staring at myself.

What is it about me that even attracts Sean? The guy is like... built, sexy. And I'm just too skinny, too pale... I look down, the towel wrapped around my waist, but the scars on my chest are very obvious. Very obvious still, even after seven years, they're still there, silver lines all over my body. I may have super-healing powers, but it still leaves scars and things like that. I get some fun things, but it still leaves me with the sucky side of things too.

I look at the clothes Sean gave me, a pair of his sweats and a T-shirt. I didn't really take anything with me apart from a couple of changes of clothes, nothing to relax or to sleep in.

I'll be wearing Sean's clothes, I'll be sleeping in Sean's clothes...

I pull the sweats on and they almost slide off my hips again. The guy really is so much bigger than me. I tie the strings of the sweats and it helps a little. Just as long as I don't walk around too much, I guess.

Then I pull the T-shirt on, the neck is too big, making the shirt slide around my shoulders strangely. It's just for the night. I'll go buy some new clothes tomorrow. I don't want to go back to Lance's yet to grab my things, so buying new clothes is a better idea.

I wrap a towel around my hair, pulling it up so that it doesn't make the back of my shirt all wet and then I open the door, stepping out.

When I look around, I find the place empty and my panic rises. What's going on? Sean was here when I went in and now he's gone. I don't know why, but it sets all my instincts on edge. Did someone break in here? I didn't hear anything. Did Sean see the messages Lance sent me? He can't, right?

I go over to my bag, grabbing my phone, checking it. It's off, like I left it.

Movements on the raised platform pull my attention, and Sean is standing there, a book in his one hand, his phone and earbuds in the other hand, looking at me, a little confused. Then he comes down the stairs, his eyes still on me, now going worried.

"I..." I shake my head, my voice all shaky. "I came out and..." And what? I thought he was attacked? I thought he'd left? I thought he'd left me? I can't say those things. I turn back to my bag, going through it blindly, not wanting to face him after such an embarrassment. I'm such a fool.

Then Sean's hand is on my back. His warm hand on the middle of my back, strong, steady, comforting. It makes me flinch and my breath hitches a little and I realise how much fear keeps running through me constantly.

I stand up straighter, not wanting him to go away, his heartbeat is getting faster and I know mine matches it.

Then he slides both his arms around me, wrapping them around my shoulders and holding me carefully. I can feel his hard dick pressing against my back, but we both pretend that that's not happening right now.

"I meant what I told Darren. I'd rather stay inside with you than go out drinking with him," he whispers, his lips close to my ear, his voice low. It goes straight to my cock, tenting in his sweats.

I reach up, covering his arms with my hands, holding him. Enjoying having him so close. "Thanks." I don't know if he can even hear me, I can barely hear my own voice over the beating of our hearts. But I appreciate what he's saying, I appreciate it.

Sean tightens his arms around me a little, putting his head to the back of my head. "We should go to sleep." But he doesn't let me go.

"Yeah." My voice is a little hoarse, and I don't move either. I know that we should probably go to sleep, but I enjoy being in his arms way too much. I don't want to let go of that. I don't want to lose this feeling.

It feels good, it feels right. Being in his arms feels right, no matter how stupid it makes me feel to think that.

"You look like a kid, wearing my clothes like that." Sean laughs, his voice low.

I look like a kid? Well, that wouldn't be strange, honestly... Since I was turned into a vampire at seventeen, seven years ago, I've probably visually aged a year and I've always been cursed with a baby face to begin with.

"It looks good though..." Sean's voice trails off, and he lets go of me.

My heart is beating like crazy again, and I keep my back to him as Sean pulls out the couch again, turning it into a bed. I'm not sure how easily I'll fall asleep after what just happened, with the energy rushing through my body.

I should have jacked off in the shower, no matter how awkward I would have felt... I should have done it anyway.

Because the way my cock is making his sweats tent is even more awkward.

# 9. Sean

I stare at Jules' back as he's curled up next to me.

What just happened? Well... I know what I almost did... I almost kissed his smooth, pale neck. So beautiful with his hair pulled up in the towel like that. I had him in my arms, I felt him so close, and I know that he wasn't unaffected either. But even as I held him, I could see the bruise on the side of his face, and a different bruise on his shoulder, going lower, disappearing behind my shirt, disappearing from view.

I was so hard, and he can't not have felt it, but he just stayed there, relaxed in my arms. That's good, right?

It was so difficult, watching him panic as he came out of the shower and couldn't find me. It could have been cute, but the panic in his eyes, in the way he moved... yeah, it made it all definitely not cute.

Jules keeps tossing and doesn't seem to be able to get comfortable. How is it that he keeps doing this? Keeps breaking my heart?

I open my mouth, wanting to say something, but I don't know what I to say.

Instead, I reach out, slowly running my fingers through his hair, soothing motions. He jolts, like he always does, but then he pushes his head back against my hand, just a little, making it easier for me to play with his hair.

"Sean?" His voice is low, wondering.

"Just go to sleep." I slide a little closer, finding a better angle for my hand.

Then he reaches up, puts his hand over mine and holds it, weaving our fingers together. Holding them there.

I don't dare to move now. This, this being connected, it somehow calms me down too, for some strange reason. And as I doze off, I already hear his breathing even out, he's asleep.

It makes me smile a little. He really is like a little kid, just falling asleep when someone they trust is nearby. But it also makes me remember that he doesn't feel safe at all, always on edge, and that makes things a little less fun...

It makes his aching feeling in my chest even worse.

* * *

I'm sitting in front of the changing rooms, waiting for Jules to come out with his new clothes.

This morning, after I woke up with my arms full of sleeping Jules and he made us breakfast, we decided that it was probably a good idea if we went clothes shopping today. Since him walking around in my clothes probably wasn't the best thing.

That, and apparently Jules wants to go out tonight, something I'd not even thought about. He promised me that he knew a good gay club and that we wouldn't have to worry about running into guys like Darren there. I guess I agreed to go, since we're now both buying clubbing clothes.

I know it's better than staying at home all evening, because I don't know how long I can keep my hands off him. Not after the last couple of days, or waking up with my arms full of him this morning...

The curtains of the changing room open and Jules steps out. He's wearing really tight black skinny jeans and a black almost see-through top that's sliding down one of his shoulders, exposing his pale skin.

I swallow hard, pulling his bag onto my lap because I've got a raging hard-on now, almost painfully. No, not almost, it's getting painful, in the need to touch myself kind of way.

"So?" Jules looks at me with mock-impatience. "Do you think this is a good idea? Not too tight?" He turns around slowly, running his hands over his ass as he does so.

Really... He's got to know what he's doing now. This can't be just him not knowing what's going on, right? I clear my throat. "It's okay." I nod.

"Just okay?" Jules tries to pretend he's pouting, but then grins. "Good. I'm going to try the other shirt on." And he's gone again, the image of his hard cock in those skinny jeans burned into my mind. Oh, wow.

If he keeps going like this... I'm not sure I can keep my hands off him until tonight.

I stand up. "I'm going to check out some shirts. I don't think I can show up like this next to you." I stand close to the curtains and hear Jules move.

"Sure." Jules seems a little distracted, but I shrug and then make my way over to the back of the store, to the a little less ehh... explicit clothes. The almost-see-through things look great on Jules but they're not really my style.

I pick out a couple of shirts, holding them up, looking at them, trying to find the ones in my size and a little more like what I normally wear. Then I find a tight black shirt with bright green seams and bright green buckles on it. Grinning, I hide it under the shirt I'm buying for myself. That would look really good on Jules and I'd love to see him in it, but maybe not tonight.

Then I quickly go to the check out and pay for the shirts. I wait there until Jules comes back out, his hair all messy and he's wearing his normal clothes again. Skinny jeans or not, he always looks good.

Fuck. I'm so caught up in him...

* * *

The music at the club is loud, so damn loud. But Jules was right, this is a gay club and I don't have to worry about the guy next to me punching me in the face for sneaking a peek at him.

Jules walks in front of me, pulling me along. For someone who seems uncomfortable in any and all other social situations, he seems to enjoy going out clubbing for some reason. And when he came in here, quite a few people actually seemed to know him, so this definitely wasn't his first time here.

Jules turns to me, grinning, pulling me to the bar. His eyes sparkle, and the dark liner he put on before we left makes his eyes even more sexy, makes me want to pull him close and kiss him, hard. The sparkly pink lip gloss doesn't help either, makes him even more kissable. "What do you want to drink?" Jules leans in close.

"Beer." Just one beer should be fine, right?

Jules nods, letting me go, and skipping to the other end of the bar, ordering drinks. He's like a different person here, but maybe he just feels more at home. Before I know it, he's back. A coke for himself and a beer for me and he leans on the bar next to me.

"Do you come here often?" I look at him and Jules shrugs.

"Sometimes." He looks around, somehow calmer. "They're good company."

I don't know what to think of the look in his eyes. But the next moment, it's gone. He downs his drink and looks behind him. "You coming to the dance floor?"

I shake my head, holding up my beer. "Can't take this over there. You go dance."

Jules nods, smiling. Then he turns around and I follow him a little, just to a spot where I can see the dance floor better.

Jules disappears into the mass of bodies, and I see flashes of him as he greets some people and they all dance together. I can't keep my eyes off him. He's so sexy. He's so fun to watch. I can't help it.

I'm so hard for him and I can't do anything about it.

I slowly drink my beer, looking at the people dancing, watching Jules enjoy himself. His hair falling around his face in wild stands, his body moving sexily. Then he looks up, finds me and waves at me.

I wave back, which gets me some growly looks from guys around me. Hey, can't help that he's here with me. For now anyway...

Jules pushes through the mass of people, coming over to me, out of breath but grinning. "Hey, I'm going out for a smoke. Do you want to join?" He looks at me as he digs through his bag.

"No, thanks." I'm not going out in that cold right now, I prefer to stay in here, nice and warm.

"Will you come dance with me after I come back then?" He bats his eyelashes at me and I nod. I don't dance, but I guess that for a look like that... I can't really ignore him. "Yes." Jules grins. "I'll be right back." And he's off again.

I follow him with my eyes as he leaves through a door out back with some of the guys he was dancing with. He looks to be enjoying himself, like, really having fun. I guess that's good. It's good not to see that panicked look on his face.

It's good to see him happy.

* * *

When I'm almost bored enough to go find Jules, he comes back in with his friends. They're laughing loudly and, I don't know, it feels different from before. He waves at the other guys and comes over to me, grinning broadly. He puts his cigarettes in his bag, and steps closer, looking at me.

"You coming to dance now?" He raises an eyebrow at me.

"I guess I'll have to, right?" I finish my beer. Still the same one, now lukewarm.

"Yes!" Jules' grin gets even bigger, it feels weird. It feels almost wrong.

"Jules?" I grab his wrist and pull him to me.

"Yeah?" His eyes are on my lips immediately and he steps even closer. Something is different, the look in his eyes is different.

"What did you do outside?" An unsettling feeling sets in my stomach.

He licks his lips, coming even closer, wrapping his arms around my neck. "I want to dance with you. Come on." He slowly starts pulling me back, moving his hips against mine with each step.

But I stop, like someone just hosed me down with a freezing cold shower. "Jules. What did you do?" This was more than just smoking a cigarette. Jules' eyes are dilated like whoa and he moves differently like there is too much energy in his body.

"If you don't want to dance, we can make out." Jules comes closer again, pushing up against me, leaning in.

But I put my hands on his chest, pushing him away.

This is wrong.

"You're high." I can't believe he'd do this. I can't believe he'd do something like this. No matter how much I want him, I'm not doing anything when he's on something. I'm not kissing him when he's high. No way. "I'm out of here."

I turn around, flashing my ticket at the coat room and get my jacket. Then I walk out, into the cold winter air.

It clears my head.

I can't believe he'd do this. He looked so panicked when I offered him a beer a couple of nights ago. But now he goes and gets himself all high on something and expects me to just accept it? Just, no.

I stop, leaning back against the wall as tears form in my eyes. How did I ever believe that I could have a guy like Jules? Why was I delusional like that? Guys like Jules aren't for me, and they're definitely not into guys like me.

"Sean." Jules is standing next to me, his jacket slung over his shoulders, looking a little panicked now, his eyes still dilated. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this. I can't. Sorry." I push off the wall, blinking fast, trying to get the tears away.

"Can't do what?" Jules looks so confused, like he really doesn't understand what's wrong.

"You're high. That's what's wrong. You're high and you don't seem to care at all about it."

He looks so surprised by my accusations and I don't know what to think of it. But I know that I can't do this. I can't stay.

"I'm crashing at my parents' for the night. You can sleep at my place. We'll talk tomorrow, when whatever you're on has worn off." I shake my head, walking away. I don't want to see the pained look in his eyes. I don't want to see his confusion.

Why did I think this could work out? How could I think it would ever be this easy?

It was too good to be true. Definitely too good to be true. Because why would anything in my life go right, just once? Why would it?

Of course, because it doesn't. It never does.

Why do I keep expecting different results when I know how things will end anyway?

# 10. Jules

What happened? What the fuck just happened?

Everything seemed to be going so well. Sean even looked interested in, you know, doing more... And then he ran off.

Drugs? What drugs? I don't do drugs. Like, not ever. It's not for me, I don't want to get involved with that.

I watch Sean stalk off, his broad shoulders, which made me feel so safe just hours ago, now sloped, dejected. I hurt him, I hurt him really badly and...

Wait!

Fuck.

I turn, almost kicking the wall. Of course.

Fuck. Fucking fuck.

When I was out for a 'cigarette', I actually drank blood from one of the guys I was dancing with. He's a donor, just not exclusive to a single vampire like Lance was for me. I was thirsty and thought that maybe getting some untainted blood in me would help clear out some of this crap that Lance gave me. But, when I drink, I get a little over excited, my body acting a little like I may have... Yeah... Fuck.

Sean thinks I did drugs and all I did was trying to survive, trying to stay alive, trying to stay safe. Trying to be safe to be around for humans, for Sean...

How can I explain what happened to me without telling Sean what I really am? Without scaring him off?

I pull my jacket around me tighter, though the cold doesn't do much to me. I'm so not in the mood for anything anymore. My heart is hurting. I was having a good time, I was hoping to have Sean for myself tonight, I was hoping we'd, you know, do something. But that all broke down because of my own stupidity. Because, why not? This always happens to me. This always happens.

Fuck.

I walk in the other direction, towards the bus stop we stopped at when we came here. I think it's better if I go back to the studio now, it's not like there's much here for me anymore.

But as I walk to the stop, I know I'm being followed again. It's not Lance, I'm sure of that, not this time anyway.

But the person following me isn't a vampire either, I can sense those, or a werewolf or other magical creature. Neither are they a vampire or creature hunter, those usually know how to hide themselves better, that, and they have this distinct almost rotting scent to them. I swallow hard, yeah, this person doesn't smell like a hunter either.

So, they're human? But why would a human follow me?

I look in the direction of the shadows on the other side of the street. They're there, hiding behind a corner, but I have no idea who they are.

What is going on? What the hell?

I walk faster, seeing the bus I need to take to get to Sean's place in the distance.

If I get on the bus, at least I don't have to worry about whoever is following me right now. Because they're trying really hard to hide themselves, to not be visible, and if I hadn't already been on edge because of Lance, I probably wouldn't even have realised it. This person isn't triggering my vampiric instincts. They're probably not a danger to me, so they're most likely human, but why are they following me?

I get on the bus, sitting down in one of the seats before I look out the window again. The person who was following me steps into some light and I'm surprised by how young the woman looks, she can't be older than fifteen.

Why is a kid following me?

Like I don't have enough to worry about already...

* * *

I open the door to Sean's studio, letting out a tight breath as I slip inside, the place is totally quiet.

Sean isn't here. I'm here on my own and I need to figure out what I feel, how I feel about being all alone.

I know that staying here, at least for the night, is the best idea. I can't go out in the middle of the night and I have no other place to go. I'll look for a hotel or something tomorrow morning and I'll be out of here before he comes back, before he has to see me again. Sean won't have to worry about me anymore and I won't have to worry about getting Sean in trouble too. It's better for both of us.

I crawl onto the couch, pulling my bag close, and I take a small wooden box from the bottom of my bag. It's the only thing that has survived years of not having a stable place to sleep, years of constantly being on the move, my memories box. Some of the things in here are...

My breath is already hitching, and I've not even opened the box.

I pull the blanket over me, the weight comforting, and take the box into my lap, putting my hands on top of it. Memories, years of memories, right inside.

I open the top of the box, the small hinges creak a little. In the lid I stuck a photo I don't ever want to lose. It's a photo from the happiest time of my life, when my family was complete, when I had parents, a twin brother and a loving boyfriend. I'm in the middle, all smiles, on my right are my parents, their faces not yet aged beyond their years by grief, on my left are Rowan, my boyfriend, and Tyler, my twin brother.

Tyler and I used to be inseparable and spoilt, the miracle set of twins to parents who had such a hard time conceiving. That summer must have been the best summer ever for us, and our parents accepted Rowan as one of the family so easily, spoiling him too. Which made him a little uncomfortable as he'd not been used to that.

But we never thought that it could go so horribly wrong. I never expected I'd have to run away from home, having lost my family, my lover and my life, in just a matter of weeks after that photo was taken.

I trail my finger over it, over our smiling faces. This is the only happy picture I've got in here, the only one that has good memories attached to it. My loving family, which I'll never get back.

Then I look into the rest of the box, a pain setting in my chest. Why does it feel like I want Sean to hold me when I'm looking through these? It's not like he can help or anything.

I take up a stack of envelopes, the writing on them faded. They're letters from Rowan, sweet hand-written notes that he'd slip me through a crack in my bedroom window when we couldn't meet up. It was our way of communicating, the notes back and forth, sending each other messages on our phones seemed too harsh for our words. But I don't want to look at them today, they're not the memories I'm looking for.

Under the letters, a shell necklace, two leather bracelets and a few other small things, I hid a small paper bag with photographs. It's pretty sizable, but the paper bag helps not having to see them immediately. I take it out, setting it next to me on the couch, then I put everything back in the box and place it on the floor. I just need the photographs for now.

My breathing staggers, my heart beating fast, and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I know what's in these photos, I know them very well. What's in them is reflected on the body I see every day, my body...

I shake my head, tears sliding down my cheeks and I wipe them away.

I take out the first photo. It's of me, just a section of my back, cuts running over my skin, the blood seeping from them. The blood is already drying as it seeps down my back, I don't even know when they were taken, at what point. I shiver, reaching up to the top of my back, touching where one of the cuts was, now just an ugly silver scar.

The next photo is of Tyler, my amazing and beautiful twin brother, the same cuts are mirrored on his back, almost in exactly the same place. I swallow hard, trying not to hurl, as pain shoots through me.

The vampire hunter tortured me, tortured us, trying to get to Rowan, trying to get him to come save us, luring Rowan into a trap that was designed to kill him. We were bait.

I was just a little kid, totally in love with a handsome guy and, while I knew Rowan was a vampire, I never realised what kind of dangers came with that knowledge. What kinds of things some people would do to kill all vampires, to destroy those like him. Things like torturing young boys, bleeding them out, willing to let them die just to destroy one vampire. And the hunters insist that they're doing it for the good of humanity.

I remember the summer heat, so overwhelming as we were hung from hooks in the ceiling, like meat, like animals ready for the slaughter. And the vampire hunter would carve into us, a new one every time the last one stopped bleeding fast enough for his taste. We were bound, gagged, and while I knew why I was there, what was going on, Tyler had no idea. Tyler didn't know anything. He was an innocent.

I barely recognise the howl that escapes me. Tyler was innocent... He didn't know about anything, he hadn't done anything wrong. Why did the vampire hunter involve him in all of it too?

My eyes fall onto another picture, it's a closeup of Tyler's face, the pure panic in his eyes, the total confusion.

It was horrible, to not be able to protect him, to not be able to tell him to run, or why it was happening.

I lost consciousness at some point. I find the picture from right after it happened. I'm hanging in the chains, all slack, no longer there. The vampire hunter was ready to kill me, ready to let me die at his hands, just to get to Rowan.

There are no pictures after this point.

I know it's because Rowan came in soon after, fighting the vampire hunter and winning, in a way.

He didn't kill the vampire hunter, but wounded him enough to make him flee. The creep got away, he fled.

Rowan was severely wounded himself, the fight with the vampire hunter had definitely taken its toll on him. But he helped me down from the chains, and Tyler next.

And then...

I put my hand over my mouth, trying to keep the sounds inside, trying to keep all the pain deep inside me from spilling out.

Tyler helped Rowan feed me his blood. It saved me, but for it to work, Rowan had to give all of his blood, until the last drop.

Rowan gave his life for me. He could have left, he could have tried to get both of us to a hospital, but instead, he gave his life for me.

Most vampires are born as one, they only find out about it when they're in their teens. Their bodies will go through changes and at the end, they've turned into vampires. I know that there are more creatures out there, not just vampires but also werewolves and others. But I'm different, I'm rare. Rowan, a vampire, gave his life so that I could keep living and I'll never be able to repay him for that.

After that, Tyler got us both to a hospital. I don't know how, I was still out of it, and he was severely wounded, but he got us to a hospital and they saved him there.

While I healed incredibly fast, just the scars as evidence of what happened in a matter of days, Tyler was in the hospital for weeks. His wounds took a long time to heal. While he was there, he told me what happened after I'd passed out. The only reason I know what happened, how I came out alive, is because he told me.

I died. When they fed me Rowan's blood, I died, just for a couple of seconds. I can't imagine the pain he went through, seeing his twin and his twins' lover die, just moments apart from each other.

But they got my heart pumping again and I survived. I don't want to think about what could have happened, had my body rejected the blood...

After all of that... I couldn't stay at home. I had to leave. There were so many things that had happened, I was broken inside. I was so broken. And me staying hurt Tyler, I could see it in his eyes. I could see how much seeing me hurt him, every day.

I found the photos a couple of days after I got out of the hospital. They were scattered on the floor in the building where the vampire hunter kept us. Rowan's body was gone, no trace left of him apart from the blood stain on the floor. And with my new heightened senses, I knew exactly which stain was his.

I ran away. I only took this box, my box with memories, and nothing else. Through Rowan's phone I found someone who could help me, and I stayed with them for a short while, learning about being a vampire, but I had to keep moving. I couldn't stay in one place too long. The hunter was still out there and I was sure that he'd come after me too. That, and I didn't know how else to make sure that my parents or my twin wouldn't find me, how I could keep my pain away from them.

So I lost my family, my lover and my life in a span of weeks. We were happy, so happy, and then everything went down the drain.

I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to lose someone else...

But this thing... this connection between Sean and me, I can't ignore it, like I couldn't ignore Rowan when I met him. I can't just leave, not anymore.

I can't run away, I can't flee. I can't do any of that no matter how much I'd love to do it.

I've got someone new, I got Sean now, and I can't lose him, not if I want to stay sane.

And it scares me. It scares me how connected I feel to him, how connected we are, even though we've just met.

I can't lose him. I have to talk to him.

I really can't lose him anymore.

# 11. Sean

I wake up to the lovely smell of fresh bread. It takes me a couple of seconds before I realise that I'm not in my own place, not in my own bed, and it's just in time to catch myself from falling on the floor. I roll back, facing the wall I've woken up to for most of my life. I'm at my parents' house.

Then everything from last night comes back to me. Jules looking so sexy that I had a hard time not dragging him to me at every moment. Us going to a club, Jules dancing. And then Jules coming back from 'smoking' and having definitely had something more than just nicotine. The way he stared at me as I told him that I couldn't be involved with someone who did drugs, the utter confusion in his eyes.

Fuck.

The pain in his eyes as I left, the pain in my own heart.

And then sneaking into this house through the back door, trying to be as quiet as possible as to not wake my parents up and then falling asleep in this much too small bed, surrounded by sounds and smells that bring me right back to being a teenager. Right back to my past.

I sit up, stretching, and I'm so glad I only had one beer last night, I don't think I'd want a hangover on top of having to face my parents so early in the morning. I go down the stairs, my parents are already awake and my mum is in the kitchen.

"Morning." I stand in the doorway, leaning against the frame as I look over the kitchen that's so familiar and at the same time strange to me now.

"Morning." Mum smiles, turning to me. "I was wondering when you'd get out of bed. Do you need something for the hangover?" She comes over with a cup of coffee, guiding me to a chair with her other hand.

"No, thanks. Didn't drink enough for that." I smile a little as I take the hot mug.

"No?" She looks surprised now. "I thought you crashed here because you needed some pampering after a heavy night out with Darren and the others."

Oh, wow. That's definitely too much involvement in my life. "Darren?" Why the hell would I?

"Yeah, I saw his mum. She told me that he liked having his wingman back." She goes back to the counter, oblivious to the way I'm staring at her back.

"Your mum is talking to too many people again." Dad comes into the kitchen from the garden, carrying a box with the most recent project he's working on. Probably a part of a car or motor or something. He loves that.

"I'm not." Mum turns around, offended. "I just saw her at the store and we talked. That happens when you run into people." Then she turns to me. "But she also told me that Darren told her that you prefer hanging out with some weird guy and not your old friends. What's up with that?"

"Why would I have to hang out with Darren? The guy acts like he's still sixteen, bothering girls, getting drunk, stuff like that. I prefer not to associate with him." I shrug, but I know what direction this is all going in and it's not a direction that I like.

"At least his mum has interesting stories to share, unlike me." She frowns. "You don't get in trouble, you don't bring girls over—"

"Mum, I'm gay. I'm not going to bring girls over."

"Can't you at least be bisexual or something? Why do you have to be totally gay?" She turns back to whatever she was doing.

"Because I'm gay." I stand up, done with being here. I look at my dad. "I'm going home. Thanks for letting me crash here, and the coffee."

"You're always welcome. And don't listen to your mum too much, she just feels out of the loop. All her friends have kids making families and getting married, and you just work." He shrugs.

"I know." I turn to my mum, who is leaning her hands on the counter, not looking my way. "Mum?"

"Can't you at least be normal and bring someone over or something? You can be gay, but do you have to be a hermit too?" She looks at me.

I'm not going to tell her about the guy crashing at my place right now, about the guy who totally doesn't fit their idea of a 'right' person for me, but who I can't stop thinking about, or wanting for that matter. "I'll see about that." I give her a quick kiss on her cheek. "Talk to you soon."

"See you later. Take care of yourself and make sure you eat right." She smiles a little now, reaching out and putting her hand on my arm. "I just worry."

I know she does... She always does. But she's my mum, isn't that kind of what mums do? "I know." I nod, then I take my jacket from next to the door and put my shoes on. "I'll try to drop by more often, and not just to crash for the night."

"Good." Mum really smiles now.

"See you later." I wave at them and then leave through the back door as I pull out my phone.

Jules hasn't sent me a message and I don't know how to feel about that. But I do know that I want to see him, I need to see him. I was so upset last night, but now I've calmed down, I need to talk to him. I need to know what happened, why he looked so surprised. I need to know his side of the story.

Because no matter the thoughts going through my head. I really don't want to let go of the guy, I want him at my side.

And that's a pretty overwhelming thought since I've only known the guy for a month or so.

* * *

I open the door to my place, but everything inside is quiet.

Did Jules leave? Is he gone?

Why does that hurt my heart, that thought?

Ah, there he is. Jules is curled up on the couch, the blanket pulled all over him. The relief flooding me is much too obvious.

I go over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder and shake him carefully. "Jules, wake up."

Jules' hand shoots from under the blanket and grips my wrist, the strength in it surprising. It hurts, the way he holds me just a little too tightly.

"Jules, it's me. Wake up." Especially now that he's hurting me...

He moves slowly and then blinks, staring at me. "Sean?"

Yeah, who else?

Then he blinks again, letting go of my wrist quickly, and he sits up, groaning. "Sorry." He glances my way. "Sorry if that hurt you."

I move my hand and wrist. "It wasn't exactly comfortable." I take a breath. I know he's easily spooked, so I can't really fault him for grabbing me because I suddenly touched him.

"What's the time?" His voice is gravelly. Then he fully looks at me. "You're back. Already?" His eyes dart to the photos spread all in front of the couch. "I was supposed to clean all that. Sorry." He almost stands up, but I stop him, my hand to his chest.

"It's okay. You don't have to yet. I just..." I, what? What am I going to say?

I sit down on the couch next to him and Jules pulls his legs under him.

"About last night..." I begin, but Jules puts his hand on my leg, shaking his head.

"No. Let me..." His eyes dart between me and the photos in front of us, then he swallows hard. "First, can you get me something for the headache and something to drink? If I want you to trust me, if I want to explain what happened... I'll have to tell about my past." He looks uncomfortable but also very sure of what he is saying.

I stand up. "Sure." I go over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and then the strip of ibuprofen. Just seeing him like this, just seeing that he wants to trust me... It makes me happy, though he doesn't look like whatever he's going to tell me is going to be comfortable or happy. And that makes this whole moment a lot less exciting than I'd hoped.

I carefully sit down next to Jules, who is starting to look a little more awake by now. I hand him the the glass and the strip.

Jules takes an ibuprofen and then takes a couple of sips from the glass before he puts it to the side. He reaches out, gathering up the photos, keeping them in his hands.

I don't say anything, I don't even know what I can say right now.

Jules takes a deep breath. "I didn't do drugs last night. I would never do them. I was just... in the moment. I can get a little... over the top, when I'm like that." He meets my eyes for a moment, softly smiling.

I nod. "Okay. I was just... It took me off guard. After the way you responded that first night..." How scared he'd been.

He nods. "I know. I'm sorry. I don't know how else to explain it, we were supposed to have fun, not that." He looks back down at his hands, shaking his head a little, his voice breathy. "This is scary. Talking about this... But... I know that I should tell you."

"Why?" Why am I even asking that question?

Jules doesn't look up this time. "Because... Because I like being here, at your side. I like..." He runs his hand over his arm. "I like being held by you and I'd like to do more. But for that... I need to explain this." He takes a couple of shallow breaths, and I can see the tension in his body.

I reach out, taking his hand and he holds me, not as tightly this time.

"A couple of years ago... I... I dated my first boyfriend. It was fun and I didn't even know what it was like to be in love back then. But it felt perfect. He also got along well with my twin brother and the rest of my family. I thought I was lucky, finding the love of my life at seventeen." His voice is on edge, not like this hurts just to think about, but it goes deeper than that. "When we were in the city, shopping or just hanging out, I can't remember exactly, we got jumped, the three of us. We were dragged away and..." He goes through the photos.

They're gruesome. Blood, cuts, people being bound. But none of the photos I can see have a person's face on it.

"We got beaten up. Really badly. My boyfriend died. He didn't survive the assault. My twin..." His voice breaks and he wipes at his face. "I lost him a few weeks later. After that, all that pain. I... left home. I couldn't be there anymore, not the places that reminded me of everyone I'd lost."

I reach out, putting my arm around his shoulders. "The pictures..."

"Me and my twin. They enjoyed it, they enjoyed hurting us." Jules' voice is almost hollow.

"Why do you have them?" Why would he keep something that hurts him so much?

"They're the only thing I have left of my twin. I found these. They're all I've got." He leans against me more. "I don't want to lose you. I don't want to have to let you go. Something about you... I keep being pulled to you and I don't want to lose someone else."

I tug at him, pull him onto my lap, his head on my shoulder. "I don't want to lose you either. The moment I saw you... I knew that I couldn't just let you be."

Jules nods against my shoulder.

I tighten my arms a little and put my lips to his neck, carefully kissing him, trying to comfort him, or me, I don't know.

Jules' breath hitches, but then he relaxes against me and lets out a small sound.

This is good right? This is good.

He pulls back a little, staring at me, at my eyes, and then at my lips. His eyes are still watery and scared, his cheeks wet with tears, but he takes my head in his hands and then comes closer, putting his lips to mine.

The shock through my system surprises me. This raw need spiking inside me, this raw need to have him, to protect him at all cost.

He feels so good. Having him in my arms like this, his lips on mine, it feels so good.

I angle my head, letting him deepen the kiss, and he kisses like it's the last thing he'll do. Desperation in every movement, in every touch.

But I simply hold him, keeping him close, our mouths together, sharing breaths.

I'm not letting him go. I'm not going to let him get away, not before I can take that pain out of his eyes, not before I can make him smile again, a genuine smile. Not before I can make sure he stops being so scared.

I need him so much, and I have no idea where that feeling comes from. But from the moment I saw him, I knew I had to make him mine.

# 12. Jules

I don't know what comes over me. I was talking about the past, at least the version I tend to tell other people, humans. Humans who don't know about vampires and such, the 'clean' and 'normal' version. And the next moment I was in his lap and having him so close to me, it made something go haywire in my head, and I had to feel him more, touch him more, kiss him. I had to, and I couldn't stop anymore.

I know that Sean can't feel this, this connection between us, he's just human, but I can feel it. I finally understand what Rowan meant when he explained it to me, this constant thread, connecting us, making Sean my one place of comfort, my one place of safety. It's surreal and at the same time, as we kiss, as we keep touching, the thread becomes stronger and more obvious to me.

This is new.

I pull back, almost grinning, even though my head is still full of feelings and pain from remembering things last night and just now. "Gotta breathe." I reach up, running my fingers over Sean's lips.

"Maybe." He catches my fingers between his lips, his eyes on mine so clear, so steady. So trusting. He trusts that I just told him the truth, he trusts that what I said was right.

Sean slides his hands up, into my hair, weaving his fingers through the strands, tugging slightly, and a moan escapes me.

Oh, wow.

I close my eyes, leaning into his touches. Then his lips are on my throat, kissing a line down to my shoulder, leaving behind a trail of nibbles and I'm so hard now.

Fuck.

I put my hands on his shoulder. I'm not sure if this is a good idea right now. I'm not sure if I can move on from kissing yet... My head still too full, my whole body being pulled between lust, desperation and devastation.

"Jules," Sean murmurs against my skin.

"Hmm?" The sound sounding way more sexual than I mean to.

"I'm not sure about you, but I'd like a couple more hours of sleep." I can feel him smile a little.

Really? He's going with that now?

Then Sean grabs my ass and lifts us both from the couch, I wrap my arms around his neck, surprised by the sudden movement.

"I didn't say I wanted to too." But I don't let him go either.

"You don't have to." His voice is warm, steady, strong. Then he walks to the stairs and carries me to his bed.

Why is that comforting? Why are his words so comforting?

* * *

When I wake up, Sean is pressed against my back, still asleep. I curl up a little more, comfortable in the place I'm in. Comfortable in his arms.

He came back home and didn't throw me out. He listened to my story and then held me close. He's been so sweet to me.

Sean stirs behind me. "Morning, sexy." He tightens his arms around me and pulls me closer, his hard-on pushing against my ass. Oh! Wow! My own cock is getting more attentive now too.

"Morning." I turn around, facing him. "Although, I'm pretty sure it's no longer morning."

Sean leans in, giving me a quick kiss. "I don't care about the time of day. I've got you in my arms, that's all I need to know."

"Hmm, hmm." I slide my hand over his chest, feeling him. Then I pull on him, making him hover over me. I need to feel him more. I need to feel him against me, make sure he's really there.

Sean puts his hands by my sides, covering me but obviously not wanting to squash me. He has no idea what I can do or handle.

But, instead, I reach up, pulling his face down and taking his lips in a kiss again. I tug on his lower lip and I can feel a different part of him becoming even more interested. It feels good, being desired like this, having someone want me like this, so good.

Sean slides one of his hands along my side, my neck, and into my hair, weaving his fingers in. He likes that, he likes touching my hair.

And I like him playing with it. I like him touching me.

Sean breaks the kiss, trailing his lips down my jaw, down my neck and to my shoulder. Then he puts his lips over a spot and sucks on it, pulling up a mark.

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!

I buck up into him. Oh, this feels good. This feels so good.

I'm pretty sure that the needy sounds I keep hearing are my own.

Then Sean lets go, licking over the mark, sending shivers down my spine.

Wow!

He nuzzles my neck and then stays there, his breathing shallow. "I know a place we can continue." His voice is low.

"Where?" My brain is much too overloaded to think clearly.

"The shower. Let's get into the shower." He moves up, sitting up, but I'm frozen in place.

"No." The word barely leaves my lips. "No." I can't do that, not yet. In the shower he can see... the scars. I can't do that yet. No.

Sean looks at me, his eyes filled with worry. "Why not?"

I pull my arms up, protecting myself. "Scars. I can't." I can't show them yet, not now. They're too ugly, they'll scare him off.

He nods, his eyes softening, then he reaches out, almost sliding his hand under my T-shirt, but I stop him. "I don't care about the scars. I don't care. They're part of you."

I shake my head, my breathing short and choppy. "No." I can't. "No."

"Okay." He nods, pulling his hand back. "How can I help?"

"No." I keep shaking my head, my thoughts only filled with panic. I can't show them. They're ugly. He'll scare off when he sees them. "You can't. No."

I barely register Sean moving, but the next moment the covers are pulled over me and he's kneeling next to the bed, looking at me, looking at me intently. "Jules..."

I wish I could explain it to him. I wish I could explain why this happens, but my brain just goes into panic mode and I can't seem to help it. My scars are too bad, too ugly, they'll make him push me away.

Then he slides his fingers through my hair again, his touches soft. "I'm not going to make you do things you don't want." His voice is caring, careful, loving. "I promise, I won't." Then he leans back, taking a breath.

My breathing finally calms down, but I can't move yet. I don't know how to and I don't know how not to freak out again.

But without even knowing why or how, I reach out to him and Sean takes my hand. Just holding it, touching me. He doesn't do anything else, just holds my hand and I finally calm down more.

So, showers are out of the question for now, that's obvious, no matter how frustrating it is.

Great.

* * *

I watch as Sean makes dinner, this time it's actually some food instead of offering to heat up a frozen pizza. What was that guy eating before? Like, really?

I can't keep my eyes off him. I can barely believe how easy Sean makes me feel, how easy being near him is.

When he turns to me, flashing me a smile, I feel my cheeks heat up. I totally wasn't checking out his ass... Not really... Right?

When he turns back to the counter, weighing out some rice, I stand up, going over to him, sliding my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry." I hide my face in his shirt.

He turns a little, pulling me to his front. "For what?" His lips are in my hair.

"For freaking out." It's hard to forget, how lost he looked at me freaking out.

"It's okay." He pulls me closer. "We just have to be aware of boundaries and things like that. It's a learning process."

I nod against his chest. He smells so good, it makes me want him all the time. It makes me want so many things from him.

He grabs my ass and plants me in front of him on the counter, pushing between my legs. "But as long as I'm not taking your shirt off, you're good, right?"

I nod. Very aware of how close we are, how close his dick is to mine, his very hard dick. I look at him, and he gazes back, eyes filled with lust. I lick my lips, this is bad, in a good way. I want to kiss him so badly. So, so badly.

I lean in, almost close enough to kiss. "It seems that there are more parts of you that want attention." I slide my hand down his chest, covering his dick through his jeans and Sean lets out a low sound. "Definitely seems like it." I can't help my smile.

"It would be weird if I didn't right now, since every time I see you I get hard." He rolls his hips against my hand.

"Really?" My voice drops and I feel my cheeks heat up again. This is bad. He's overloading my brain now. I also slide my other hand down, my fingers on the closing of his jeans.

Sean stops me, taking my hands. "Are you sure?" His voice is low too.

I nod. Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

"I guess dinner may have to wait a little while." Sean lets my hands go and instead reaches out to my jeans. Probably... Yeah...

I open his jeans, sliding my hand over his boxer briefs, he's really hard, really really hard. I swallow, then I wrap my hand around him through his boxer briefs.

Sean lets out a deep moan, rolling his hips into my hand, then he opens my jeans too, pulling them down a little so he can slide his hand directly into my boxer briefs. His touch on my bare skin sends electricity through my body.

Oh, fuck!

I let my head fall forward, to his shoulder, my breathing rough. Oh, fuck. It's been too long. I mirror the action, sliding my hand into his boxer briefs too and he's all hard and heavy in my hand.

Sean wraps his other arm around me, pulling me closer, pulling me more to him.

"I'd love to watch you lose control." His voice is low, little more than a grumble. My whole body tenses up and Sean lets out a husky laugh. "Oh, you like that?"

I nod into his shoulder, dazed. Fuck. I'm so hard, and I need his touch so much.

Then Sean's hand starts to slide up and down slowly, like he's pulling my brain out through my dick, the sensation so intense that I barely have energy to breathe, let alone think. I try to mirror what's he's doing, and Sean's breathing on my shoulder gets rough too.

We're both feeling this, we're both so into this, and that's exciting and scary at the same time.

Sean pulls back a little and I look at him, confused. Then he smiles and nudges against my chin. "You look delicious like this."

Again, I harden in his hand, but this time, instead of turning my head away, I take his lips in a hard kiss. That way he can't say things that mess with my head. His kiss is rough, sexy, totally making my whole body tighten with need.

Then he pulls my hand off his dick, instead taking both of us in one of his hands, our cocks sliding together in steamy heat, the sensations tensing my whole body, making my balls ache and feeling heavy.

We've barely started and I already want to come.

But Sean's ragged breathing tells me that he's not far behind me. I reach between us, wrapping my hand over his, moving with him, increasing the pressure just a little, making it even better.

"Oh, fuck. Jules." Sean groans, his hips moving irregularly. "Oh, fuck."

Well, yeah, he could say that. Definitely.

Sean's cock starts to throb, his breathing ragged, and he lets out a loud moan as he comes.

I'm close behind, my whole body primed to come, and when Sean moves, I feel his teeth scrape over my shoulder lightly, setting off the fireworks in my head.

I come so hard that everything lights up behind my eyes, my moans muffled by his shoulder. I come over our hands, our shirts, everything. Fuck.

Then Sean slowly lets go of our cocks, instead wrapping both his arms around us and I lean into him. This feels so good, so so good.

My brain is all mushy, but all I know is that it feels good being here, it feels safe.

It feels safe being with Sean. I don't want to let him go, ever.

# 13. Sean

I wake up with Jules in my arms, tightly curled up against my chest. He looks so peaceful like this, so happy. I eye my alarm and see that we've got another hour before it'll go off.

I tighten my arms around Jules a little and he lets out a soft sound, pushing his head against my chest and it makes my heart beat a little faster. Just that small movement, showing his trust, it sets of all sorts of things inside me.

He's been through so much, but he still trusts me... I close my eyes again, not ready to get out of bed just yet.

The alarm wakes me up next, the incessant beeping coming through the comfortable dream I had. Why? Why now? I was about to kiss Jules in my dream. I reach out and snooze the alarm.

"Sean?" Jules' voice is rough with sleep.

"We've got nine more minutes." I kiss the top of his head, enjoying the closeness.

Jules lets out a sound and uncurls slowly, instead wrapping his arms around me, pushing his whole body closer. His hard cock lines up next to mine and I slide one of my hands down to his ass, pulling us together more.

But Jules grabs my wrist. "Not sure we've got the time for that right now." There is teasing in his voice and I smile.

"Are you sure?" I rock my hips into his.

"Yeah." He looks up to me, trying to stop his smile. "I'm pretty sure." But as I rock my hips into his again, lust flashes behind his eyes, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. Oh, interesting.

"We could... you know... just a quickie." I slide my hand to the front of his boxer briefs and he grabs my wrist again.

"Nope." By now he's really woken up, slowly sitting up. "Maybe after class tonight. We've got to get moving..." He looks at me and I know that he wants this as much as I want it.

Well, I guess that I can wait a couple more hours. "Promise?" I hold the edge of his shirt, not letting him off the bed yet.

He licks his lips. "Yeah, sure. Tonight." He swallows hard and stands up, his boxer briefs tenting and the hem of his shirt is caught onto it in a very erotic way.

"Just as long as you're sure." I reach out, running my finger over the dark outline of the head of his cock and Jules lets out a sound. Then I stand up too. "I'm going to take a shower."

Fuck. I'm too hard. Way too hard. I reach down as I go down the stairs, trying to find a more comfortable position for my dick.

Waking up with wood this hard is no fun, especially when you know you don't have enough time to properly take care of it.

Fuck.

* * *

We get off the bus at the college and Jules puts his arm in front of me, stopping me, his head going from side to side, alarmed.

I look around too, putting my hand on his arm. "What's wrong?" I don't see anything strange or out of the ordinary, it's pretty calm on the campus tonight.

"I thought I..." Jules shrugs, then shakes his head. "Nothing apparently. I thought we were being followed."

"Followed?" That doesn't sound good. "Since when?"

He meets my eyes for a moment and I can see him think up an answer, probably one that won't freak me out.

"Your ex? The guy who gave you the black eye?" He had to get it somewhere and he still hasn't really explained where he did.

"He wasn't my ex. But I don't think it's him." He looks around again, his eyes going slowly, like he's memorising everything he's seeing. Then he relaxes a little and grabs his pack of cigarettes from his bag. "Maybe it's just my nerves..." He takes a cigarette and then walks over to the smoking area. As he lights it, he eyes me. "You can go inside if you want to."

I shake my head, stepping out of the smoke again. "Nah, I'll stay." I actually like not going inside immediately, the calm before the storm.

Why did Jules feel like he was being followed? What was going on? I haven't seen anything strange, but then... I don't tend to pay attention to my surroundings too much.

Jules finishes his cigarette and looks up at me. "Ready?"

I shrug. Not really something to be ready for, classes are just something we have to do and everything. I guess I'm used to it, but 'ready' is a bit of an overstatement.

We go inside, up to the classroom, and unlike when Jules comes in by himself, we're now early, like I normally am, even if Jules smokes before class. We sit down at the front of the class and grab our things, waiting for the professor to come in.

"So, you finally hooked up with fr—" Darren stops himself. "With him."

I turn to Darren, so tired of his childish behaviour.

But Darren points at Jules and then at his neck, right at his shoulder. What?

I look at Jules, at his neck, at where Darren was pointing, and I cover my mouth not to burst out laughing.

Oops!

Jules glares at me. "What?"

"You may want to expand your makeup line. I'm sorry." I can't help but laugh, no matter how much I try to stop it.

Jules rolls his eyes, not very happy with my laughing, obviously. "Whatever." He looks down at his notebook, pointedly ignoring me.

I finally control my laughing, I didn't want to upset him. "You don't feel it?" I reach out, touching the dark purple spot where his shoulder and his neck meet.

Jules slaps my hand away, his movements jerky. I really pissed him off.

"Last night... I left a hickey. It's kind of visible like this." Jules had pulled his hair together after dinner but I'd totally blanked on how that would show his hickey...

His hand shoots up, covering the spot, his face and neck going pink. He glares at me and then at Darren, who is smart enough not to say anything.

Not only did I leave the mark, way teenager move, Darren made him angry by pointing it out and I laughed at him...

Yeah, I'm the asshole here. "I'm sorry."

Jules shakes his head, his eyes still on the notebook, then he pulls his hair loose with the other hand, hiding behind his black curtain of hair.

Great move, Sean, great move.

* * *

In the middle of class, as the professor explains something on the board, Jules leans closer, his hand on my knee. "I'm sorry."

He's sorry? "What?" Confused, me, definitely.

"I'm sorry about freaking out. It caught me off guard." Jules' voice is quiet and he starts pulling his hand back.

I quickly grab his hand, holding it in place. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left it. That was a stupid move."

"Maybe, but I liked it." Jules really pulls his hand back now, leaving me stunned for a moment.

When I eye him, Jules is smiling, glancing up at me for a moment before he goes back to copying the notes from the board.

Wait, what? Really?

Of course, he dumps that on me right in the middle of class instead of during a more sensible time, like, you know, in bed or something.

Jules pokes me in my ribs. "Get back to your notes, or you'll fall behind."

I let out a breath, smiling as I quickly start taking notes again. Of course, as I'm getting to know him better, I'm also learning that Jules is kind of evil and mean, in the good ways.

* * *

When the class is over, we quickly grab our bags, luckily we had just the one class today, not a double one like most Mondays. When we leave the classroom, Darren doesn't try to bother us today, which is good, after what happened at the start of class.

As soon as we're around the corner, out of view from other people, I pull on Jules and push him against the wall, stepping close and leaning in. I can see his excitement spike as his breath hitches and his eyes go darker. "I'm sorry about leaving the mark, and Darren being an ass about it."

Jules' arms snake around me and he pulls our crotches together. "It's okay. Just... next time... somewhere that others can't see would be a better idea." He meets my eyes and grins.

"I'll try to remember." I lean closer, wanting to kiss him so badly.

"Good." He gives me a quick kiss, but then pushes on my chest. "I think we should probably go home, you know? I'm pretty sure we made a promise this morning." His voice is low, and makes me want to drag him away and just do him somewhere out of view from others, like a bathroom or something. Going home sounds like way too long of a wait.

"Fine." I step back, but still grab his hand, holding it. No matter what, I'm not letting him out of my view right now.

When we leave the building, Jules is on edge again, his eyes going all over the place.

"Jules?" This is getting bad.

He stops, his eyes focused on a particular shadow a little away. He just stares, like he's waiting for something to happen.

I can't see anything there and when I pull on Jules' hand, he stays in place, a little too easily for a guy his size, stopping me moving him. What?

A couple moments later, someone slinks out of the shadows and rounds the corner, away from us, and Jules lets out a breath.

What the? What just happened?

"Jules?" He was right, someone was there. But were they following him or was it just a random person getting uncomfortable with Jules staring at them... I don't know.

He shakes his head, looking at me thoughtfully. "I don't tend to appreciate being followed by strangers like that."

"That person followed you before?"

He nods. "After we fought at the club. They followed me then too."

Again, what?! "And you didn't think to mention this to me?"

Jules shrugs and starts walking to the bus stop. "They're not after you, they're after me. I didn't see the use in telling you, it wasn't really important." But he was still all jumpy because of it today, on edge.

"And how do you know that they're not a danger?"

He looks at me, something in his eyes I don't know how to read, something serious but also dismissive. "It's not the first time, it won't be the last time. Really." He shrugs.

"Why?"

"Reasons. Lots of reasons."

"I'd like to know them. If they're targeting you..."

"They're always targeting me." His voice is hard, sharp. "That's not going to change just because you're here with me. It's even why..." He lets out a quick breath. "Forget about it. It's not important. They're not a danger to me, or you."

Not a danger to him? The photos from a few years back, the wounds, the scars he's still hiding... I'm not sure I agree with his assessment of 'not dangerous' if that was what happened last time.

"Sean?" He stops me, taking both my hands, waiting until I look at him.

"What?"

"I'm not doing this to shut you out or hurt you. I'm not. It's just..." He sighs.

"Why are you being followed?" What is it about him?

He looks away and I see that thinking thing going on again.

"Jules." My voice is sharper than I mean it to be.

His eyes shoot up to me.

"Why?"

"Things in my past... Just... Things have happened and now sometimes people... Sometimes I get followed. It's not dangerous, just annoying. And I'm just on edge because of... Because of the guy I left, the guy who..." He points at his face. "The bruise. That's why."

Right. But why does it still feel he's hiding things from me? Why does it feel like he's not telling me everything? "You promise me that they're not a danger to you?"

Jules nods. "I promise. They're not. If I'm... I'll tell you if I'm in danger." It feels like he's placating me, but I'll take it for now. He'll tell me when it's important. Probably.

Right now, I just want to go home. I just want to get away from this place, especially after seeing that person getting out of the shadows. A shiver runs down my spine.

Jules was right, we were being watched, and I don't know what to think of it. I don't know how to feel about it.

"Sean?" Jules squeezes my hand a little and I look at him, his eyes are softer now. "I really mean it. I'm not in danger, neither are you. They're just crazy people."

I nod. "Right. Let's go home, yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiles a little. "Let's go home."

And the wistful way he says it makes my stomach do a little flip, my heart skipping a beat.

Hmm, home. Our home now, for as long as he stays...

Is it bad that I wish he'd never leave? How bad am I for thinking that?

Our home.

Yes, please.

# 14. Jules

I knew we were being followed. At first, I couldn't see them, but as we got back out of the building after class, I knew it. I could feel it again.

First, that's a good sign, because it means that my senses are returning, finally. I hate feeling weak. I really hate it. Second, it was the exact same girl who followed me that night at the club. I was really glad it wasn't Lance, no matter how silly that sounds. I was really glad it wasn't him and that it was just this young human woman instead. I still have no idea who she is, or why she's following me. But for now, she's no danger to me, or to Sean, so that's a good thing.

I hated the way it made Sean feel, how uncomfortable it made him, how useless he seemed. But I know that I can't involve him in this more than he's already gotten.

I stare out the bus window, glancing at Sean, aware that he's staring at me, no matter that he's trying to hide it. He's not that good at hiding things, which is a plus. Right now, that feels like a plus, definitely.

I know that I shouldn't stay in this city much longer. It's not safe and staying just puts more danger on Sean. I left Lance, I don't have a donor here, I don't really have anything binding me to this place.

Nothing but my degree, which I really need to finish, and Sean.

I take a breath as my heart clenches. I don't want to leave Sean behind. It's never been this hard before, leaving a human behind, and he's not even my donor. He doesn't even know about me, about what I am...

So why is it so hard to leave him?

I know why, I can feel why. The thread connecting us has formed, and no matter if I try to ignore it, I know that it exists and I can't just break it.

And I don't want to. I don't want to leave him behind. I don't want to become just a distant memory to him. A guy he once knew, a guy he once shared some moments with. I don't want to become that, not to Sean.

Fuck.

What did I get myself into? I should have known. I should have known from the moment I stumbled into him as I got out of that registration office. I should have known... I should have felt it. I should have done something about it then. It's too late now.

Much too late...

* * *

As we dump our bags on the couch, Sean goes over to the kitchen, getting us something to drink. When he comes over and hands me the glass, I wrap my hand around his, holding him there.

He looks up at me, unsure, almost scared.

I shake my head a little, leaning in to him, getting closer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

He licks his lips, but I can hear his heart beating faster. "You keep apologising today..."

"I keep blowing up at you." Truth, I'm too on edge and defensive and I just can't seem to stop myself.

"It's okay, don't worry." He puts the other glass down on the small table next to the couch and then wraps his arm around my waist. "I think I know a way to relax you a little."

"Just a little?" Because my body's definitely not relaxed now. I let go of his hand and he puts that glass down too.

"Maybe more than just a little." He wraps both his arms around me and pulls me close.

"That sounds better." I look at him, at the way his excitement is visible on his face, his eyes shining. I wrap my arms around his neck and then pull him down, his lips a fraction from mine. "Under one condition."

"What condition?" He doesn't pull back, stays close.

Now or never. "I'd like... just not as much light." I can't show him the scars, I really can't. But they're not as bad in low lighting.

He stops for a moment, then I can almost feel him smile. "We can do that." He slides his hands lower, grabbing my ass and lifting me up.

I wrap my arms around him tighter, and my legs too, our dicks trapped together. He feels so good.

Sean goes over to the stairs, stopping at the bottom. "Can you hit the light switch?"

I reach out, turning the overhead light off, the studio now dark. But through the big windows, some outside light still comes in, enough for Sean to see outlines of things and sort of see where we're going, but it's dark enough. For me, it's definitely light enough, I can still see pretty well with this much light. Perks of being a vampire.

Then Sean walks up the stairs, carrying me to the bed and putting me down on it. Then he kneels at my feet, looking up at me. "Are you going to be okay?"

I nod. It's sweet that he checks in on me. I reach out to him, grabbing the top of his shirt. "Off with that."

"As you wish." He grins and pulls it off in one go, baring his chest. I reach out, running my fingers over his bare skin, over his flawless skin, unmarked by horrible scars. He takes my hands, his eyes still on me. "Jules?"

I blink. "I'm good." I tug on him. "We're wearing way too many clothes." If we just get moving, I won't have time to worry about things or get lost in stupid thoughts.

"I agree." Sean laughs, and as he stands up, he takes off his jeans and his socks, standing there in just his boxer briefs.

"All of it." I can't hide my smile, or the way that my eyes keep darting back to the outline of his cock in his boxer briefs.

He grins, turning around and shaking his ass as he pulls the boxer briefs off.

Fuck me, he looks so good.

Then he turns around to me, one hand around his cock, stroking it in slow movements. "Your turn." He keeps looking at me, his hand still going up and down his cock.

I swallow hard, mesmerised by what I'm seeing in front of me. Sure, yes, getting undressed.

I open my jeans, skinny jeans, and wriggle myself out of them, why did I decide these were a good idea today?

"Need any help?" Though Sean sounds mostly amused by what he's seeing.

"No thanks." I pull them off my legs and quickly get rid of my socks. Then I reach up, my hands on the hem of my shirt. Here goes nothing.

I pull the shirt over my head, keeping my eyes closed as I throw it away. Sean can see all of it, or as much as he can see in the low lighting anyway.

The bed dips, and I feel Sean's hand on my leg, slowly going up. "I thought that you said that all of it had to come off?" His fingers sneak over to the bottom of my boxer briefs.

I don't recognise the lust filled and strangled sound that escapes my throat, my eyes still closed. How am I suddenly so nervous? I want him, I want him badly.

Sean slides his fingers under the boxer briefs, touching my skin, sliding down and carefully touching my cock and balls.

"You take them off." My voice sounds weird, even to my own ears, much too rough.

"Sure." Then I feel Sean's lips on my stomach, kissing slowly, before taking the top of my boxer briefs in his mouth and tugging.

I burst out laughing, grabbing his head and holding him. "Not like that."

He grins up at me. "There you are, now you're smiling again."

Oh. Wow. Oh. Damnit. That look in his eyes... It takes my breath away. That's way too much emotion for just such a simple sentence.

I nod, my skin feeling like it's on fire. Then I reach down and quickly pull my boxer briefs down as far as I can, Sean pulling them off the rest of the way.

He stares at me, and I don't know how much he can really see in this light, but that doesn't matter, with the lusty look in his eyes, that doesn't really matter. Fuck.

He reaches back up, his hand around my cock, and slowly starts moving it up and down, a steady rhythm, and I reach out to him, wanting to return the favour.

He moves within reach, and I take his cock in my hand again. Touching him feels so good. So, so good. I don't want to stop now, my head filled with just thoughts of Sean and what we're about to do.

"Come closer." My voice is hoarse. "I want to kiss you." He tastes so good, I love kissing him.

He flashes me a wicked smile and then leans over me, our dicks right next to each other as he keeps moving his hand over mine.

Then he kisses me. All tongue and teeth, and it takes my breath away. Fuck, I love this. I love this intensity.

I wrap my other arm around him, playing my fingers over his back. Needing to touch him.

Sean's hand wraps around both our cocks again, pulling a deep moan from me. "You like that." His voice is dangerously sexy against my lips.

I nod, no words to return. These feelings are all so intense. So, so intense.

"I'd like..." His voice trails off. "You can say no if you don't want it."

"Can you, what?" His reluctance breaks the spell a little.

"I'd like to fuck you. Can I?"

Oh. Fucking me... A rush of lust goes through my body, my cock and balls tightening, pulsing in his hand.

"Jules?" He stops moving for a moment.

"Yes." It's little more than a breath. "I'd like that too." It's been way too long and just feeling his cock next to mine, I can only imagine what it will feel like inside me.

"Good." He moves a little, letting go of our cocks. "There is lube and condoms in the drawer next to the bed." He points and I slide from under him a little, grabbing them. At least they're easy access, that's good.

When I slide back, his lips are on my shoulder, leaving behind kisses. Oh, that feels nice.

I drop the lube and the condoms next to us on the bed, letting my fingers play over his skin, his beautiful skin.

Sean grabs the lube, coating his fingers, then he reaches between us. First, he trails them over the inside of my leg, but soon moves them up and then behind my balls, running his fingers over my entrance. Just sliding them over.

I gasp, not sure why this feels so intense, so intimate. It's not like it's my first time. Though, it's been a long while.

Then he carefully breaches me, slowly pushing a finger inside me, and it feels strange for a moment, until I can relax around him.

"You still good?" His low whisper against my shoulder is sweet and sexy.

"Yeah." I let out a breath. "I'm good." Way too good. This tension between us pushes me way too fast to the finish line.

His finger slides in further and my breathing gets rougher as he slowly fucks me with one finger.

"Sean..." I reach out to his dick, wrapping my hand around him again, slowly jerking him off, because I want him to feel good too.

Then he pulls his finger out of me, taking the lube, and the next moment I feel him push two fingers inside me, the sensations taking my breath away for a moment. So good. So, so good! Wow!

"Jules?"

"Keep going." Like I can stop anymore, I want to feel his cock inside me, not just his fingers.

I grab the condoms, rip one off the strip and then open the packet, taking it out. I grab Sean's cock and put the condom at the head, slowly rolling it down as he moves his fingers inside me.

We both make sounds, moans, feeling so good.

"Fuck me," I whisper into his ear. I need to feel him inside me already.

Sean just nods, pulling his fingers out of me and I watch him grab his cock, sliding his hand up and down a couple of times. Then he looks up at me, his cock in his hand, ready to fuck me.

I grab for him, spreading my legs more. "Do it already." I feel the grin tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"Bossy." He grins back, leaning back over me, his cock at my entrance.

"Well, yeah." I put my arms around him, holding him, needing to feel his touch.

Then he moves his hips, the head of his cock slowly spreading me. Fuck. His cock is a little bit bigger than I expected.

His lips are back on my shoulder, kissing me as he slowly starts to move inside me, pushing in.

It feels so good, slowly getting filled like this feels so good.

I have a hard time breathing, the sensations much too intense.

Then I feel Sean stop, his hips against mine. He comes up on his arm a little, staring down at me, his eyes wide, surprised, feeling so good. Then he kisses me before he starts moving his hips and wraps his hand around my cock, jerking me off.

"Sean..." I break the kiss, my head spinning. "I'll come."

"Good, because I don't think I can last much longer."

Fuck. Fuck.

What those words do to my insides, to my chest, to my head.

He rolls his hips faster, snapping them. Fucking me hard.

It feels so good, so, so good. His hand around my cock moves faster too, fucking me between his cock and his fist.

Fuck. Wow.

I put my hand over my mouth, fuck. If I don't watch it, I may bite Sean in the heat of the moment. Fuck, I need to keep some sanity before I do something stupid.

"Jules..." He kisses the other side of my arm. "You can let your sounds out."

As long as he thinks this is just about moaning too loudly... Good.

Then he runs his thumb over the head of my cock and a spark goes through me. Oh, fuck, good.

"Can't keep anymore," Sean groans, his hips moving more irregular.

Then he moans and I feel him swell up inside me, pushing me over the edge too, just the last bit.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Lights go off behind my eyes and I come between us, clamping down on his cock as my cum coats his hand and our chests.

I feel my teeth change, poking out, but I can stop myself before I do something stupid. Not the right time, definitely not the right time.

But Sean feels so good, he smells so good, and I just really want him.

I want him in all ways.

And in the daze of my orgasm, that's a good and a really scary feeling at the same time.

I want Sean, always, in every way.

But he's human and he doesn't know I'm a vampire, or how I became one, or the things I'm hiding from him, just to protect him.

Things I don't want to expose him to. Things I don't want him to get hurt by.

I want him, and he can't know anything about me.

Fuck!

# 15. Sean

Jules tenses in my arms, I feel the panic build inside him, the way his voice hitches.

I pull out of him, taking the condom off and quickly disposing of it in the small trash can next to the bed.

"Jules?" I carefully reach out to him. Everything is in grey tones, I can sort of see him, but not very well. That was fine when we were all wrapped up in lust and everything, but I need to see him now. I need to see him to know how to comfort him. "I'm turning on the lights."

"No." There it is, that panic. He grabs my wrist before I can get to the switch, a little too roughly, and I wince at his strength. He quickly pulls his hand back. "Sorry. Just... wait until I've got my shirt back on." He's out of breath, the panic so obvious.

"Jules?"

He shakes his head, reaching out next to the bed and grabbing one of the shirts there. "Sorry, just... wait a moment."

I nod, watching as he pulls on my shirt instead of his own. Then he grabs next to the bed again, probably trying to find his boxer briefs, but I threw his boxer briefs to the other side of the bed, next to me. I hadn't expected Jules to panic like this, or I would have thought to put them somewhere easier to reach. "Here." I hold his boxer briefs out to him and he grabs them, pulling them under the covers and moving a little, until he stops wriggling.

It takes a couple of moments before he talks. "You can turn the lights on now."

I nod, reaching over him and turning the small light next to my bed on. It's not much, but it's enough to give a bit more colour to the world and for me to be able to really see him.

Jules has his eyes closed, his lips pushed together in a very tense way.

I reach out to him, running my fingers over his cheek. He flinches at the touch. "Jules?"

Then he opens his eyes and looks at me. I don't know what I expected, but not the devastation and pain I see.

"What happened? What's going on? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He shakes his head, taking a shuddery breath. "No. It's not that."

"Then what is it?" I slide under the covers next to him. Not close enough that we're touching, but close enough that I can see him better.

He reaches up, tapping his fingers at his head. "It just... It went wrong in there."

"Why?"

He opens his mouth, but then closes it again, instead reaching out to me, touching my face, the pain in his eyes getting worse.

What's going on? Why do I hurt him, even when I'm not doing anything?

"I hadn't expected the way I would feel about you. It took me by surprise." His voice is very quiet.

"Good feelings, I hope?" He doesn't suddenly hate me, right? It doesn't look like that.

He nods. Then he slides his hand to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. "I'm just surprised. I need to get used to this. I didn't expect it."

He's being vague and cryptic, but the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, I'm pretty sure that things are fine. So, instead of asking more, I wrap my arm over him, pulling us flush together and I kiss him very slowly.

I may not be able to take away whatever scared him in his head, but I can hold him and care for him until he's calmed down and not as scared anymore.

I can... I can love him and hold him and be there for him until he's calmed down.

Love?

Oh, fuck.

* * *

The next morning started out a little awkward, trying to navigate this living together thing when our feelings were still a little raw and unfamiliar. But we quickly went back to the way we were, just a little closer together, a little bit more touchy and smiling at each other. We haven't had sex since Monday, but between work and classes and everything, that isn't unexpected. And today, we're going to the club again.

It's Friday evening, and we're walking down the street to the same club we were at last week. I promised Jules that I wouldn't freak out again so easily, and he promised that he would dance with me, or, well, near me or something. I don't know. I was kind of distracted by the really tight skinny jeans he was wearing and the shirt I'd bought him last week. It looks as good on him as I expected it to, and he seemed to like it too, which is good.

We leave our coats in the coat room and Jules gets us some drinks at the bar as I wait at one of the tables which line the sides.

He puts the beer in front of me, frowning at it.

"What?" I pick it up, taking a sip.

"How can you drink that?" He shakes his head.

"Beer?" I shrug.

"Yeah. It's bitter and tastes like dead and mouldy stuff." He takes a sip of what looks like coke.

"Yes, it's bitter." I smile at him. "But that's why I enjoy it. Cold and bitter. A good drink in a place like this."

He shakes his head again, smiling now. "Whatever. You're the one drinking it, not me."

"True." I pull him closer. "This is my drink, that's your drink. And this is a beer kiss." I give him a long and hard kiss, leaving him gasping, his hand fisting my shirt.

Then he breaks free of the kiss, glaring at me as his eyes sparkle, wiping at his mouth with his arm. "You're mean."

"And you love it." I keep my arm around him, and he steps closer, leaning against me.

He sighs dramatically. "Sometimes, yes." Then the song changes and he starts to move in my arms. "Oh!" He quickly finishes off his drink and puts it down, looking at me. "Dance?"

"No thanks." I smile at him. "You go dance. I don't think it's late enough for me to go dancing yet."

"Fine." He pouts at me, then he gives me a quick kiss. "I'll be on the dance floor."

"You go enjoy yourself dancing, I'll enjoy myself over here. I'll come over to the tables at the edge soon, after I finish my beer and I've gathered enough courage." I hold up my cup.

"Okay." He smiles, his eyes still happy, not at all bothered by me not joining him. We've got our own things and dancing is definitely his. "Gotta go, though. Before the song is over." And he dances off, his hips swaying to the music, going over to the dance floor, somehow so relaxed while surrounded by so many people.

I stare after him, somehow feeling very lucky that I get to see him like this too, so relaxed, so comfortable with himself. I can't help smiling, it feels good.

"So, he still loves dancing, I see." A voice next to me makes me jolt and I turn to whoever it is. The accent, intonation of his voice, sounds a lot like Jules', it's uncanny. The man next to me resembles Jules in more ways, the colour of his eyes, the almost unnatural black hair with his fair skin... Though this guy is broader and definitely older. "Hi, I'm Rowan. You are?"

"I'm Sean. Why are you...?" Why did he creep up on me?

"Ah, it's always nice to meet his friends. I hadn't realised that he frequented this place too." The guy sits down on a seat next to me, looking like he's going to stay there a while.

"Who are you? To Jules I mean? You look..." What am I even trying to say? Familiar? Like an older version of him?

"Oh. I'm his older brother. We're a couple of years apart."

His older brother. Right. I didn't realise he had more brothers than just his twin. His twin... "I know this isn't the time or place, probably. But I'm sorry for your loss. Jules told me his twin brother died a few years back. I'm sorry for you and your family's loss." Why am I rambling like this? And was that a flash of surprise on Rowan's face before he could hide it again?

What's going on?

Rowan nods, his eyes sad. "Thanks. It's not been easy. Jules couldn't deal with it."

"He ran away, right?" At least, that's what I understood when he talked about it.

"Yeah. He couldn't deal with the loss of his twin. It broke him, and he left." Rowan looks in the direction Jules had left in. "How is he doing?"

"Pretty good, I think. He's about to finish his degree and he's got a job and everything." What do you tell someone who asks after their estranged brother?

"Good." Rowan's eyes soften. "That's good. I'm happy that he was able to move on." He looks around again, like he's keeping an eye on things. "Hey, could you... could you not tell him I was here? I know that he ran away from his family and he doesn't really want contact with us. But when I saw him... I just had to know how he was doing."

I nod, though, this is really kinda strange, and I don't know how to feel about his request. "I will." For now anyway. It doesn't seem like not telling Jules would be a problem, but as soon as it will be...

"Thanks. I'll be going again. I don't want to upset him and ruin his night. Maybe I'll see you two around town." Rowan stands up, nodding my way again. "Nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you too."

Rowan looks to have things pretty well together. He's dressed well and looks like he's got a good life. I guess that losing his twin really influenced Jules in ways I didn't know yet. I'd guessed that he'd ran away from home when he told me about it, but I'd never thought about the people he left behind, more people than just his parents.

"See you." Rowan walks into the crowd, almost going up into it, disappearing from view.

Strange guy, really strange. But he seems to care for his little brother and I know that everyone deals with loss differently. Jules ran away from home, left everyone behind, probably not wanted to be reminded of what had happened. But he also left more behind than just a house or a home, he left behind family and friends. How many of them even knew that he was alive, where he was?

I left my home town to go to college, but at least I knew my friends were fine and they knew that I was okay. But for someone to leave while they were in such a state... His family must have been scared too.

Losing someone, losing Jules now... I don't know how I'd deal with that.

I sigh. I want to go to the dance floor, but I know that I'm going to be way too needy for Jules right now, especially when I feel so conflicted inside.

So, instead, I go over to the bar and get myself another beer. They only serve the 'festival' crap here anyway, so it's not like I'll get drunk any time soon.

I can go over to Jules after this beer, that's going to be okay. I'll be calmed down by then.

Right?

Right.

# 16. Jules

I'm dancing with Liam and Jace again, their bodies next to mine, their smiles making my own stronger. I feel good today, so good. Things finally look like they're going well. It finally looks like things have calmed down, even with the strange things like being followed, but most of all, I feel like I've calmed down with Sean at my side.

"You look happy." Jace leans in, his lips close to my ear.

"I am." I'm almost surprised by the words leaving my mouth.

Liam wraps his arms around me from the back, pulling our hips together, grinding together. "Is it because of that guy you brought over? Like you did last week?"

I nod, my heart swelling. "Yeah."

"Ooohh. You got laid," Jace singsongs and then grins, grinding into me from the front.

I don't have to answer that, as for some reason my cheeks already heat up just from the memory.

"I can't believe it." Jace winks, then he shrugs. "Actually, I can." He looks me up and down. "You're hot and he's..." He shrugs again. "He's definitely good looking too."

I nod. Sean is.

I've known Jace and Liam for a long time, years by now. After I ran away from home, I didn't know where to go, how I'd survive, but I found someone through Rowan's contact list, Zoey. The woman was also a vampire and she took me in for a couple of weeks, just to let me calm down and learn a few things about being a vampire. And then she directed me to a social board just for vampires. It was created so that we can all help each other, no matter where we live, and find safe places and donors and things like that. It really helped me in those early days, and it also helped me when I had to find people, other vampires or donors, when I moved to a new place.

It's how I found Jace and Liam when I moved here, they're both donors. Although, I never had to take them up on their offer before last week, as I moved here with Lance, who was my donor already. But it was nice to have them around, as they also love dancing and they're just good friends. And, of course, last time, Liam was nice enough to let me drink from him.

Jace pulls back, looking around and putting two fingers to his mouth. He wants to go out for a smoke.

I nod. I should probably go check on Sean, but just as I move, I see him talk to some guy at the bar, laughing. He looks fine and happy, I'm not going to disturb him now.

Liam moves my hips and navigates me to the door at the side of the dance floor, and we slip through it. The club has a smoking area at the side, away from the street and pretty sheltered, so even though it's cold, it's doable.

Jace pulls a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, offering it to me.

"Thanks." I take one and then lean to Liam, who lights it as he also lights his own. Being with these guys is almost as comfortable as being around Sean, though... it's a little different, as I don't want to jump their bones.

"So..." Liam leans against the wall, looking at me. "Tell me about the guy. You look like you're totally in love."

I shrug, not sure what to answer.

"Does he know yet?" Jace, of course, asks the question I don't want to think about.

"No." I shake my head. "He thought I was on drugs last weekend when he saw me after..." I shrug. "I'll have to tell him at some point, but..."

"Don't want to?" Liam smiles a little.

"Not yet." It's silly, it's kind of important to tell him I'm a vampire, but I just don't want to scare him off.

"That's why I don't date anyone who's not in the community, you know... Who knows these kinds of things already." Jace looks thoughtful. "I don't want to have to explain the complexities of it all. But if you need some, you know, when you get thirsty. Just let me know. We can meet up before work or whatever, so the buzz has worn off by the time you see him again."

"Thanks." I know that I'm going to have to consider options like this for the near future. "I'll remember that."

"No problem." Jace grins, and then pulls me closer to him. "Lend me your warmth, I'm getting cold."

"Yeah, yeah." I slide my arm around his waist.

Things just seem so good right now, then I remember something else that happened in the last week.

"Hey, have you heard about human kids, like... teenagers, following people around? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but the same kid followed me when I left here last week and I saw them at my college this week twice." I didn't tell Sean about the second time, didn't seem that important and didn't want to spook him.

"No." Liam looks worried though. "Not heard anything from anyone else. But..." He sighs, looking serious now. "We may want to step away from the crowd a little."

"What's going on?" Jace lets me go and we walk around the back of the club.

"What did you hear?" I've not been keeping up to date on things, a little too busy myself.

Liam looks to the end of the alley, his eyes dark. "Some have been talking about a hunter being here, in this town. A couple have spotted him, both vamp and wolf have, but he doesn't seem particularly interested in just hunting."

"What do you mean?" I don't like the sound of this.

"He seems to be looking for a specific victim, though I have no idea who. Nobody seems to know." Liam shakes his head. "I wish I had more for you. But I just..."

We're quiet for a moment. There aren't a lot of hunters, but somehow I've got the strange feeling I may know this one... Fuck. "Have you ever heard of a hunter using human kids to follow their prey?" It's gotta be worth asking, right?

Jace shakes his head. "Why would they? They can hunt their prey on their own easily enough, they have their own ways of getting to them, why would they use humans for that? They'd be unreliable at best."

"Yeah... That's what I'm thinking." I sigh. But if the hunter isn't out to just hunt vamps in general, then who are they after, and why are they taking so long? "Guys..." I take a deep breath, someone has to know and I can't tell Sean. "Remember last week? The bruise?" It had still been pretty obvious then, though it's almost fully gone now.

"Yeah." Liam eyes me. "That was odd too. You should have healed before we even saw you."

I nod. "Lance gave me something. It stopped my instincts, it stopped my healing, it made me really weak. Do you think..."

"What?" Jace frowns now. "That he got it from a hunter?"

I nod. "There aren't many people who know about the things that can harm a vampire and I probably would have noticed if he made it on his own."

"Are you sure he was aware of what he did? Can someone have slipped it into his drink?" Liam also frowns.

"He knew." He even said that he was surprised how long it took to start working. Fuck. "He was aware of what he did. He wanted to harm me." This really is looking more messed up than I expected it did.

"And he hit you?" Liam's eyes grow in alarm.

"Among other things he wanted to try. I was asleep when he hit me. I hadn't even heard him come in. It's... yeah. It was strange then. It's worrying now." I sigh. There goes my good mood. "Fuck."

"You think this hunter might be involved?" Liam frowns.

"Yeah. If the guy isn't going after just anyone, and my donor turns on me and uses a venom designed to incapacitate vampires... It's hard not to add one and one." I wish it didn't look like it would come out to a nice round two. "I'm almost done with my degree, couldn't he have waited a couple of months?" I try to smile.

Liam reaches out and slowly takes me into his arms. "I'll let you know if I hear more. With your past..." I feel him shrug. "You don't deserve to be hunted."

"Thanks," I mumble into his shirt.

Then Jace wraps his arms around us from the back. "Me too. I'll keep my eye on what's going on. I'll see if I can find out more."

"Thanks, guys." It really means a lot that they would offer this, that they would help me.

"Always." Liam tightens his arms around me. "Now... before we get even more moody, can we go and dance more?"

"I'd like that." I smile, taking a breath, and relaxing. "Let's forget about things and dance, dance, dance."

"That's more like it." Jace pulls on us and we make our way to the side door and back inside.

When we step through the door, I immediately spot Sean, he's standing at the higher level, looking down on the dance floor. The way his face breaks out in a smile as soon as he spots me makes my heart skip a beat.

"I'll be right back, going to get Sean." I slide from between the guys.

"Tell him that we're not dangerous." Jace grins. "We won't eat him up." I glare at him, but he just keeps smiling.

Yeah. I need a break from everything, and a night of dancing is probably exactly what I need.

* * *

It's late when we finally leave the club. Sean even danced with us for most of the night, and he seemed to enjoy himself, though I don't know how much he'd admit to that.

I give Jace and Liam a quick hug, they're going in a different direction.

"See you tomorrow or next week." Jace smiles. "Both of you." He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Maybe." Sean smiles as he slides his arm around my waist.

"Don't steal him away from us just because you like him." Liam pretend-glares at Sean, who just laughs.

"I won't." Sean looks very relaxed now and it's nice to see him this relaxed around people. He's not like this when he's at the college with Darren and the other guy, he's a lot more tense around them.

A shiver goes down my spine, a sickening feeling taking hold of me. I tense, looking around carefully, trying not to alert Sean. There is a vampire hunter around, I can sense him, I can smell the rotten stench. No. No way!

"Good, now..." Liam looks at me, slowly frowning, all playfulness gone.

"Jules?" Sean's arm tightens around me more, but I slip from his grip.

This is bad. This is really bad.

I look around, trying to find where the hunter could be. There are people all around us, everyone trying to get to the last bus or train before it leaves.

"Jules?" Liam tries to get my attention. "They were right, weren't they?"

I nod. Yeah, they were right. There is a vampire hunter around, and he's really close right now.

"You're being followed again?" Sean breaks through my panicked brain. The guy is pretty good at catching on to things...

I nod, that's the gist of it, really.

"You said that they weren't dangerous." He comes closer.

"They weren't, these are." I know that this one is. Vampire hunters are kind of really dangerous for me...

"Where?" There is a fighting power in Sean's voice and I wish he didn't, he can't do anything against a hunter.

But as he comes closer, my heart doesn't sink, it falls to the ground, bruised and broken, shattered. At the end of the street is Lance and there is a hunter next to him, they're talking and haven't spotted me yet.

My hands start to shake, but at least my fear is confirmed. That's how Lance got the venom, that's how he did it. Fuck.

As the hunter moves, their face illuminated under the street light, I know who it is. It's the same hunter as who went after Rowan, the same guy as who tortured me and Tyler. He's the reason Rowan gave his life for me, he's the reason I'm a vampire now.

No way. No way.

"Jules?" Sean takes my arm and I don't shrug him off, too stunned, too lost in my head.

I watch as Liam follows my gaze, probably recognising Lance from the times he came to the club with me. Then he takes Jace's arm, tugging on him, and he grabs my arm too. "Let's go this way." Liam starts walking down a different alley.

We follow him until we're on a different street, away from view, away from the hunter.

Liam looks at Sean as he lets go of my arm. "Take a bus to the city centre and take a different bus from there home. Preferably, change busses twice on your way." He looks serious, his gaze steady. He's probably dealt with this before, or at least he's prepared for it. Being a donor to a vampire isn't exactly safe, and vampire hunters use donors as bait often enough that most of them have plans on how to get to safety if they ever get in trouble. Though, I suspect that most of them hope to never having to use it.

"What are you going to do?" Sean frowns at Liam.

"We take a different route." Then Liam looks at me closely. "Let me know when you get home safe. Promise me."

I nod. Still having a hard time believing what I just saw, even though I already suspected it.

"Good. Stay safe." And he starts walking, Jace at his side.

I jolt into action too. We need to get to safety. Now. "Let's go." I start walking to a bus stop I can see, it will probably get us at least in the right direction. Or not, which is fine too.

"Okay." Sean doesn't question it, just follows my lead and I'm so glad that he does.

This isn't good. This is so not good.

Why is the guy who was after Rowan here? And why is he after me now? How did he find me? How did he get Lance to turn against me?

How can I save Sean? How can I make sure that Sean doesn't get hurt too?

How can I protect him?

I'll have to deal with those questions later, because I need to get us to safety first.

Safety first, coming up with a plan second.

Good.

Now to do it.

To Be Continued

# Next book in this series: His to Guard (The Vampire's Past 2)

 His to Guard (The Vampire's Past 2)

What can you do when your past doesn't just show up when you don't want it to, but it seems out to bring you down once and for all...

Sean

It's only been a few weeks since Jules moved into my place. Everything seemed to be going well until he freaked out as we were leaving a gay club.

Someone is after him. I don't know who, but it scares him a lot and I need to guard him from more pain, I can't see him get hurt again.

And why did Jules' older brother talk to me but he doesn't want Jules to know about it?

Jules

Just as I thought that I may have escaped my problems, the vampire hunter who nearly killed me seven years ago shows up at the club I'm at with Sean. Now I'm in a scramble to protect not just myself but also Sean, because I can't let him get harmed.

When my old housemate shows up at the college after classes, all hell breaks loose and I realise there is so much more at stake than I knew before...

 His to Guard (The Vampire's Past 2)

# Try next

While you're waiting for the continuation of Sean and Jules' story, here are some other books and series to try out!

Omegaverse Mates World [mpreg]

Second Chance Mates

My Alpha's Secret (Second Chance Mates 1)

Wilder

Ten years ago, Logan left me. He told me that two Alphas cannot be together, he told me that our mating wasn't real.

Yesterday, my sister called me and told me that Logan passed away, leaving behind an Omega and a child.

Today, I'm at Logan's funeral. Why am I offering to look after his little family?

Sterling

Logan and I had everything we wanted: a house, a beautiful daughter and lots of big dreams. Then he was ripped away from us in a car crash.

His family is too busy to help me out after the funeral, so one of Logan's old friends steps in.

Only, in all the commotion, I didn't keep an eye on the calendar, and my heat starts at the most inconvenient of times.

And why is Logan's friend reacting to my heat? Only true mates are supposed to react to a mated Omega...

 My Alpha's Secret (Second Chance Mates 1)

* * *

Making a Family

Faking a Husband (Making a Family 1)

When you ask the cute Omega frequenting your cafe to be your pretend-husband for the weekend...

Clay

I have my pride as an Alpha and I don't want to be the only unmated Alpha at my younger sister's wedding.

What's an Alpha to do? Well, maybe ask the cute Omega who seems to be in need of some cheering up after his Alpha leaves him.

Nothing should go wrong if I invite him to be my fake husband for the weekend, right?

Aiden

After my sister leaves me her three-month-old to look after, I want to be the parent that she can't be for him.

Life as a single Omega parent won't be easy, but I'm sure I can manage. Although, even I can't resist the looks from the handsome Alpha who runs the cafe I frequent, or the way that he makes me smile during this crappy week.

What could go wrong in accepting to be his fake husband for a weekend?

 Faking a Husband (Making a Family 1)

* * *

Omegas' Destined Alpha

The Baristas' Surprise (Omegas' Destined Alpha 1)

Two Omegas. One kiss. And an Alpha who wasn't supposed to see it happen...

Nathan

I'm supposed to be an author, but I haven't finished a book in years. Not since things got out of control. So, to hopefully get back on my feet, I move to a new city, start teaching at college and suddenly find myself intrigued by two Omegas that pass me by every morning.

One day, on a whim, I follow them and see something I shouldn't have seen. A kiss. A beautiful kiss. And it stirs something inside me...

Zeke

I fled from the arranged marriage my parents set up for me and I was ready to give up on love entirely, and then my best friend saved his younger Omega brother, Wes, from a bad situation and suddenly I was falling, head over heels. It's amazing to be at Wes' side and to see him flourish, even if our relationship is a little complicated, we're making it work. Maybe love isn't so bad after all.

What I hadn't counted on was the Alpha walking into the cafe, and the way my eyes keep getting drawn to him...

Wes

After my brother saved me from my abusive ex, I'm getting my feet back under me. I'm finally doing the things I was never able to do, like having a job and going to college. It's not easy to combine it with caring for my four children. But with my Omega boyfriend Zeke and my brother's family at my side, we make it work, they're all the people I'll ever need.

Until, one morning, an Alpha walks into the cafe that I work at, and he asks Zeke and me out on a date, together...

 The Baristas' Surprise (Omegas' Destined Alpha 1)

* * *

Other stories:

Lunar Pack

Party at the Lunar Pack (Lunar Pack 1)

Roy never thought that one party with his hot new neighbours would turn his whole life upside down!

Roy's life exists of work, dinner and sleep, boring. His friends are getting married, or having kids, and he sits home alone, too focused on his job to have much of a social life, let alone a love life.

Then he finds a letter on the doormat, an invitation to a housewarming party next door. There he meets Clyde and Sam, they seem interested in him as more than just neighbours, and definitely ready to explore if that interest is mutual.

But why does he feel like there is more going on between the three of them? And why are Clyde and Sam acting all weird the next morning?

 Party at the Lunar Pack (Lunar Pack 1)

* * *

With Wolf Specter

Mated to the Alpha

Omega's Fate (Mated to the Alpha 1)

The Mating Ball used to be a yearly event where bachelor Alpha werewolves meet potential mates, but now it's a party mostly used to hook up with as many people as you can.

Ethan, one of the humans hired to entertain the werewolves, goes into the event with only one expectation: getting paid for having fun. The prospect of maybe meeting an Alpha female is only a bonus.

Max, a successful Alpha, has been getting pressure from all sides to settle down and prove his Alpha genes. Two problems: he doesn't believe that the Mating Ball works and he is only interested in men.

Once there, he meets Ethan, who catches his attention immediately, but the man insists that he isn't gay, or interested in Max.

As the ball comes to an end, the two men can no longer deny their attraction and take off together. Only to wake up to a very special surprise.

 Omega's Fate (Mated to the Alpha 1)

* * *

The Baby Pact

The Baby Pact (The Baby Pact 1)

Gail, an Omega, has been hiding from other shifters for over half a decade, determined to choose his own path in life, even if that means working two jobs. During the day he works at a bookstore and in the evenings he is an exotic dancer.

Lucien and Cyrus, an Alpha and a Beta, love each other, a relationship condemned by shifter society, and have never felt the need to find an Omega. They sometimes pick up humans to spice things up, but never more. Until one night they end up in a bar, where they see a dancer they can't keep their eyes off. They want him, even if only for one night.

But their families have other plans. In a desperate attempt to keep control over their lives, they will need to make the hardest decision yet:

Are they ready to be parents?

 The Baby Pact (The Baby Pact 1)

# About Rosa Swann

Rosa is an idealist, she believes that everyone deserves happiness, even those who think that they are too broken to be loved.

So, she writes stories with imperfect people who fall in love with other imperfect people and will fight together to make it work. Because happiness is not in perfection, but in finding someone to share your life with, all the good and the (angsty) bad.

When not writing, you can find her playing videogames, curled up under a blanket with a book or teasing her two adorable cats.

If you want to connect with her, you can find her in the places below:

Rosa Swann's website:

<http://rosaswann.com/>

Follow Rosa on BookBub:

<https://www.bookbub.com/authors/rosa-swann>

For more info on Rosa Swann and more places to follow her career, check the page on Easily Distracted Media.

# Also by Rosa Swann

Omegaverse Mates World

This is a shared world of Contemporary Mpreg Non-Shifter Erom Serials. The serials themselves have to be read in order but you can jump into the world with any of the first books.

Second Chance Mates (MM)

Ten years go, my Alpha left me. Now, at his funeral, I'm faced with my Alpha's Omega and their daughter, and I'm the only one who can help them.

1.  My Alpha's Secret

2.  My Mate's Mark

3.  My Lover's Will

4.  My Omega's Disaster

5.  My Family's Fight

6.  My Beloved's Wedding

7.  My Baby's Birth

8.  Our Second Chance Life

Series Page

Making a Family (MM)

As an Alpha, I have my pride and without a date to my sister's wedding, I ask the cute Omega frequenting my cafe to be my pretend husband for the weekend. Only, things go a little differently than expected.

1.  Faking a Husband

2.  Becoming a Boyfriend

3.  Raising an Omega

4.  Saving a Sibling

5.  Marrying a Mate

6.  Angering an Alpha

7.  Building a Home

8.  Celebrating a Birthday

9.  Welcoming our Twins

10.  Loving our Family

Series Page

Omegas' Destined Alpha (MMM)

Two Omegas. One kiss. And an Alpha who wasn't supposed to see it happen...

1.  The Baristas' Surprise

2.  The Alpha's Mistake

3.  The Mates' Choice

4.  The Family's Threat

5.  The Lovers' Offence

6.  The Friends' Support

7.  The Parents' Strength

8.  The Omegas' Destiny

Series Page

Other

The Vampire's Past

(Gay PNR Vampire Romance Trilogy)

No matter how much you try to leave your past behind, it doesn't always leave you...

1.  His to Protect

2.  His to Guard

3.  His to Rescue

Series Page

Lunar Pack

(Gay Menage Werewolves Erom Serial)

Roy never thought that one party with his sexy new neighbours would turn his whole life upside down!

1.  Party at the Lunar Pack

2.  Mated by the Lunar Pack

3.  Shifted at the Lunar Pack

Extra.  Valentine at the Lunar Pack

4.  Found by the Lunar Pack

Series Page

Standalone

A Very Special Omega

(Sweet Mpreg Gay Shifter Christmas Special)

The morning after a full moon, Omega Jay wakes up naked, tightly hugging another man. He has no memory of what happened and flees from the scene.

With Wolf Specter

Mated to the Alpha

(Mpreg Gay Shifter Erom Serial)

Ethan, human and until now 100% straight, catches the eye of successful werewolf Alpha Max at the yearly Mating Ball and a night of fun turns into so much more...

1.  Omega's Fate

2.  Omega's Home

3.  Omega's Pack

4.  Omega's Bond

5.  Omega's Love

6.  Omega's Wedding

7.  Omega's Baby

8.  Omega's Future

Series Page

The Baby Pact Trilogy

(Mpreg Gay Menage Shifter Erom Trilogy)

Omega Gail has always been independent, wanting to make it in life on his own, then fate puts not one but two sexy mates on his path, Alpha Lucien and Beta Cyrus. Can they make it work?

1.  The Baby Pact

2.  The Wedding Pact

3.  The Family Pact

Series Page

# About Easily Distracted Media

Easily Distracted Media is a publisher/brand name for a group of pen names from one author. Each pen name gives a slightly different 'flavour' of story, but they're all highly emotional, focusing on close connections between friends and chosen family.

E. Engberts, Queer Scifi Young Adult stories.

Emily Engberts, Lesbian Romance stories (18+).

Emmy Engberts, Queer Young Adult Romance stories.

Skylar Heart, Straight Contemporary Romance stories (18+).

Rosa Swann, Gay Romance stories (18+).

Newsletter: <http://www.easilydistractedmedia.com/newsletter/>

Facebook: <https://www.facebook.com/easilydistractedmedia/>

Twitter: <https://twitter.com/EmmyEngberts>

Instagram: <https://www.instagram.com/easilydistractedmedia/>

# Published by Easily Distracted Media

As E. Engberts (Queer YA Scifi)

BASE Status: Online

BASE Status: Update

As Emily Engberts (Lesbian Romance, 18+)

Second Chance at Christmas

A Card for Valentine's

As Emmy Engberts (Queer YA Romance)

Her Elysium (Flowers and Keyboards 1)

The Other Dress (Flowers and Keyboards 2)

Colour Her (Flowers and Keyboards 3)

As Skylar Heart (Straight Romance, 18+)

Shattered

Unraveled

As Rosa Swann (Gay Romance, 18+)

Mated to the Alpha Serial

The Baby Pact Trilogy

Second Chance Mates Serial

Making a Family Serial

Omegas' Destined Alpha Serial

The Vampire's Past Trilogy
