 
## SECRETS ARE MY SANITY

By

### Isabelle Arocho

isabellearocho.com

Copyright 2013 Isabelle Arocho

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free eBook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form with proper credit to the author.

Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's mind and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organization, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

### OTHER NOVELS BY ISABELLE AROCHO

Set in Celestin City:

Sinfully Departed (Zoe Langston #1)

Blood Sins (Zoe Langston #2)

Sin of Hope (Zoe Langston #3)

Deceptions (Evie Cortez #1)

Anticipations (Evie Cortez #2)

Death Says Hello (Holly Garrett #1)

Let Me Breathe Again (Ethan Reid Book #1)

Other:

Sanity Siphoned

Games We Play

### Chapter 1

Nick was happy to say he was enjoying his college days so far. Ok, it's only been a week but so far it was nothing like the private hell he suffered through during high school. Sure people still looked at him weird, it was the hair, tattoos and piercings, they grabbed attention surely, but they didn't pick on him for it. No, that privilege went to his parents. They were actually his aunt and uncle but legally they were his parents after his biological mother died of an overdose on drugs, leaving him at their mercy most of his life.

Today, Nick was walking down a long hall to his next class, one he didn't share with his best friend Julienne. The girl was a godsend, the only person he could truly go to when he was in trouble. There was only one thing he hid from her, one thing he couldn't even admit in the confines of his brain.

His next class was Architecture 101 and shockingly enough, there was a familiar face in the small group of people; Shane Gregory. They knew each other because Shane's younger brother, Michael, and Julienne have been dating over the last year and a half. Nick had seen him the older Gregory at different gatherings but they never actually talked to each other.

Nick tried to avoid Shane. Not because the he ever did anything to him, no, it was the stupid butterflies in his stomach. Shane Gregory was fucking beautiful.

Nick remembered the first time they officially meet. When Julienne introduced them, he knew there was no denying he felt something toward Shane and it scared him. It was forbidden and something he was desperately trying to forget for months now.

He turned his green eyes away before Shane realized he was being watched. He took his seat near the front and tried to calm his heart rate. The class wouldn't start for a few minutes, students were still coming in.

"Hey."

Nick tensed and hoped this wasn't happening. He turned to the left and sure enough, this was happening.

"I don't know you were interested in being an architect." Shane said, a dazzling smile across his face.

Nick's heart raced like a jackhammer on crack, he felt like passing out. He didn't want Shane talking to him, he wanted the beautiful boy to be a shadow in the background, someone he could forget existed. "We've never talked or anything." Nick forced his mouth to move and to keep his head up. As he looked at Shane, he noticed that his blue eyes were lighter than Michael's.

"True but we can talk now. I don't know anyone else and we sort of know each other." Shane shrugged awkwardly.

Nick didn't know what to do, his hands grew sweaty next, how did he make Shane go away?

Thankfully the teacher stepped inside and asked everyone to quiet down. Shane turned forward and focused on the class.

The teacher; Mr. Tyler, explained he was going to show the class a slideshow to discuss several different building structures. As the lights were turned off and the projector started, Nick found himself glancing at Shane.

Shane was enthralled in the different pictures and must love it to be taking these classes. Nick had never seen anyone share the passion for it that he held. Since he was about twelve he'd stay up drawing different designs that popped into his head. Maybe he and Shane could be friends....no, Nick shook his head and refused to entertain that idea.

The slideshow ended, the lights went back on and reality was forced to set back in as Nick kept his eyes forward.

"Ok class," Mr. Tyler began with a deep gruff voice of a smoker. "I hope you are all comfortable in yours seats because they are yours for the rest of the semester. In this class there'll be a lot of projects and I'm putting you into groups. It'd take far too long if you attempted these projects alone. I'm looking at four rows of desks, starting from the right look toward your left and say hello to your partner."

With each word Nick's heart filled with dread, he was in the first row to the right, to his left was Shane and to his right there was nothing but a wall.

"I guess we'll have an opportunity to talk now." Shane commented, being as smart as he was, realizing they were now partners.

Nick kept his eyes forward, he was terrified. How the hell was he supposed to be around Shane all this time? "Great." He mumbled. Normally he talked a lot and no one could get him to shut up but here, scared, he was speechless.

Shane was smart, too smart for his own good. "Is it my hair or something, you look like you'd rather have someone else." His smile was nervous as he attempted to mask his curiosity with humor.

Nick was being unfair and he knew it, he turned and looked at Shane in the eye. "I'm just used to working alone. I never had a partner before." He tried to explain, cringing inwardly as those words could apply to so many aspects of his life. He was always alone even when he wasn't. He moved his eyes to Shane's hair, he let the dark brown locks grow since the first time they met. It looked soft and fell into perfect place as it swept across his forehead, why the hell would he think someone wouldn't like that?

"Ok then, I'll try not to take your frown personally."

Mr. Tyler started to speak again and explained their first project, one that would be due the same date next month. They'd have to work together to come up with one design idea and make a model out of it, it'd have to contain one building and surrounding features, every little detail had to be completed from windows to grass on the ground. There was no way one person could do that in even three months and the partnerships started to make sense.

The project would take dedication and they'd have to start right away. "My place or yours?" Shane asked.

"Yours definitely, I like your parents more than I like mine." Nick confessed. He felt like him old self for a second as those words flew out of his mouth with no thought. He warned himself to be careful about talking without thinking around Shane. There was no telling what trouble that'd cause.

"Yeah my mom's mentioned that, how when she's at the Tellers you make everyone laugh and she's amused with your obsession with your hair."

Nick wanted to laugh. "I'm not obsessed, just protective. My parents made me shave it all off last summer and I'm still upset about it." he explained as they walked together out of the class room.

"With your eyes the green suits you." Shane complimented as he motioned to the green faux mohawk on Nick's head.

"Thanks." His voice dropped and he found all his words running away again.

"Well, I'll see you later. Just drop by when you're free, I'll be home." Shane smiled and walked away.

Nick stood there watching him go, all while wondering how the hell he was going to survive this partnership with his heart intact. It already felt painfully easy to fall for someone like Shane Gregory.

### Chapter 2

Shane was working on some homework when his brother popped into his room, which was something common that happened many times a day. Any time Michael was bored or needed advice, he ran into his brother's room. "What did you do now?" Shane asked from where he sat at his desk. It was his opening line every time this situation played out.

"Why is it always me who does something?" Michael plopped down on the bed with no more invitation than that. "Julienne's bitching at me for being a horny toad. She knew this about me when we agreed to be together."

"You can pretend other stuff interests you."

"It's not like its just sex, I love her damn it, but I'm not in the mood for all that other sappy crap."

Shane grinned; it was so amusing to see his playboy sometimes jerk of a brother in love. "If she is, you have to suck it up and do something she wants."

"For a guy who likes guys, you are really well versed in the mind of girls."

"Guys and girls aren't that different." At least not with everything he had witnessed in his life. "I have a ton of work to do and I'm waiting on Nick to show up."

Michael sat up on the bed. "Nick Sheldon? Julienne's Nick?" There was a time Michael wanted to beat Nick up for the simple fact he was Julienne's friend but after seeing there was nothing romantic, he welcomed their friendship and called Nick when Julianne wanted to go out or see a movie.

"Yeah he's taking my architecture class and the teacher paired us up."

"Well you lucked out, at least you aren't paired up with an asshole. Julienne has a project due too and this royal bitch is paired with her. I'm against hitting a girl but I might egg her on to do it." Michael explained as he got off the bed. "As always, these talks save my sanity."

Shane laughed as his brother left and wondered where the hell the boy got his sense of humor. He was outrageous and neither of their parents were.

He turned back to his computer and continued typing a report for his marketing class. Shane was passionate about school and his career goals; he was in a groove and didn't hear anyone arrive until the tap on his door. He saved his report and looked up to find Nick leaning against his door.

As extreme as his style was, it really worked on him, the green highlights in his hair made you look at his eyes which were hands down his best feature. Shane never saw green eyes that green before; they were the color of fresh grown leaves. The three day old stubble goatee he wore drew you to his lips next, which were very defined. Standing at about 6'1, three inches shorter than his own freakish height, Nick was quite the looker.

"Working on something else?" Nick asked, motioning over to his computer as he walked into the room.

"I have a crazy amount of homework. I'll stop it and we can toss around some ideas for Mr. Tyler's class."

"How do you get anything done with Michael and Julianne arguing downstairs?"

Shane looked at the calendar and realized it was Tuesday, his mom mentioned the Tellers would be over for dinner last week. "I don't really hear them or I'm good at zoning them out by now." he got up and went to close the door so Nick wouldn't be able to hear the gathering downstairs as loud. He turned and noticed Nick paled, looking a little sick. "Are you alright?" he grew worried.

"Yes." The word sounded a little forced.

Shane realized the closed door and his sour expression and sighed. "You know don't you? That I'm gay?" it wasn't a far stretch, if Julienne knew then so did he. With each word his anger soared. "I'm not going to do anything to you; I thought it'd help us work easier if you didn't hear them downstairs but if you want the door open—"

"It's not that. I'm not discriminating against you either." Nick looked upset by the accusation. "To be honest the smell of garlic makes me want to hurl." He offered an apologetic smile to along with his red embarrassed cheeks.

Shane's eyes went wide and he inhaled, knowing his mother was cooking pasta downstairs and how she always went heavy on the garlic and onion. "Sorry."

"Do you get a lot of flack for being different that you automatically jumped to it?" Nick asked while sitting on the vacant office chair. He didn't look so bothered anymore and Shane officially felt like a jackass.

"My family is great about it but others...not so much. I think people are just scared about things they don't understand. I learned it's best not to pay it too much attention to other people's hang-ups." Shane explained with a small smile, continuing to feel like an idiot for thinking an outcast like Nick would be judgmental. "Have you given this project any thought?"

"I have." Nick opened his backpack and reached inside. "Here are a few of my designs so you can get a better idea of my style."

"Good idea." Shane stepped forward and took the few sheets of drawing paper. "Wow." As he looked at them he felt a pang of envy and lots of amazement. There were designs on these sheets of paper he had no problem envisioning standing tall in real life. "How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

"How long have you been doing this? I know real architects who can't sketch like this and would never have such big ideas. I'm twenty-three by the way." He always felt it was rude to ask someone's age or name and not give yours in return.

"I know. I've been putting them down on paper since I was twelve."

Shane looked up from the paper and noticed those grassy green eyes were watching him. "And before?"

"I used Lego building blocks like every other great architect." He joked, a small smile tugging his lips.

Shane found himself watching Nick's mouth and quickly turned away before getting into too much trouble. He was a fool for looking at him like that. "I'm jealous. I have some stuff I can show you but fair warning, it sucks. It'd look better on a street than it'd look on a paper."

"Everyone thinks their own work is a piece of crap."

Shane stopped midway to his closet and faced Nick. "You think these suck?" he held up the papers in his hand. "That's crazy." He reached in the closet and pulled out his portfolio book, it contained previous sketches and homework from last year's class. "Here." He handed it over because fair was fair, but in reality he was nervous to have his work examined by Nick. The kid was really good.

Nick took the book, his eyes glued to Shane's hesitating expression. "If it bothers you that much..." his mouth twisted again as he tried not to laugh.

Shane obviously wasn't hiding his emotions well enough, he shrugged. "Go ahead." He gave him the book and went to the bed to sit. He was nervous; he always got nervous when someone looked at his work because he worried that they wouldn't like it. His hands were sweating as Nick flipped through the pages. As the minutes went on he found himself watching Nick, the serious expression across his face as he took in the details across the paper.

Shane regretted that he and Nick hadn't talked before and gotten to know each other. The longer he sat in his presence, the more he liked his personality and differences. Hopefully they'd ace this class together and could be friends. Friends were better than nothing and Shane knew better than to wish for more just because he was attracted to the other guy, seeing as Nick was straight.

### Chapter 3

As the day went on it was time to call it a night. They had gotten an outline done of what their model display would consist of—after dinner—Shane's mother had forbid them from skipping food for homework.

Nick was packing up his stuff when Shane noticed how tense his shoulders were. "Are you ok or is the garlic getting you again?" he was trying to lighten the mood and failing at the process.

"It's nothing." Nick offered a smile which was weak and sad at best. "See you tomorrow."

"Wait." Shane blocked the door. "This project is a big deal, it'll make up half of our grade. Why don't you crash here and we keep working on it?" he hoped that sounded plausible. He saw that Nick didn't want to go home, he knew he didn't have the best relationship with his parents. Shane couldn't in his heart send him back there.

Nick's shoulders dropped, his backpack hit the floor. "Are you sure?"

Shane smiled, he was glad he didn't have to talk him into it too much. "Yeah, we have a roll out bed for when relatives stay. I'll be back." He dashed out of his room to go let his parents know Nick wasn't going anywhere. He found them, along with Michael, in the kitchen. "I invited Nick to stay over."

"Ooh." Michael cooed, loaded with inappropriate suggestions. Shane reached out and hit him across the arm. "What is it with everyone hitting me today?"

"Stop giving them reasons to." Their father advised.

Their mother ignored the whole exchange and address what Shane had announced. "To work on your project?"

"Yeah." He wanted to tell them about Nick's parents, how he looked depressed at the thought of going home, but that wasn't Shane's place so he kept his mouth shut.

Michael on the other hand didn't know when to shut up. "If you decide to take advantage of him in the middle of the night, remember my room is next to yours and I don't want to hear it." this time his own mother hit him across the arm. "Shit, I'm going to have a bruise the size of Canada on this arm tomorrow."

She hit him again. "What have I told you about cursing in front of me?"

"Stop being such a hard ass." Michael jumped out of the way before she could get him again.

"Shane, the rollout bed is in the closet upstairs. Let me know if you need any help."

"You have the patience of a saint mom." He kissed her goodnight.

"With your brother I have to."

Shane ran back up the stairs to the closet his mom was taking about. Ten minutes later he had it set up, with Nick's help, in the corner of his room. "You didn't have to do all of this, the floor is fine." Nick sat on his temporary bed.

"No, it's not." He sat on is own bed and pulled his sneakers off.

Nick watched as Shane stood again and moved to the dresser. He was thankful for the help and invitation; he wasn't in the mood to go home at all. Last night he had gotten into a pretty heated argument with his uncle and knew the man hadn't forgotten it yet.

"Here."

At the sound of Shane's voice, he looked up and caught the clothes he tossed at him. He was going to thank him for the sleepwear but his throat closed as he watched Shane carelessly take off the shirt he wore to school. It was a grey button down; he undid the first three buttons and pulled it over his head. He didn't wear anything under it and Nick saw everything.

Shane was extremely tall but he wasn't skin and bones. He was....amazing with a chest of steel, every little muscle defined. Nick's eyes were glued to the indents of his hips that disappeared into his jeans. Why did Shane have to be so perfect, so beautiful, such a damn turn on?

In the past, Nick could forget he found men attractive on TV, there was no one in front of him what turned his stomach into mush and made his mouth water...until Shane. Perfect, beautiful, nice guy Shane. There had to be something, anything, wrong with him.

He couldn't stop his traitor brain from imagining what it'd be like to pin Shane against the nearest wall and kiss him senseless, to know what that perfect chest felt like under his hands.

Shane pulled on a loose fitting t-shirt for bed and took off his jeans, opting for only his boxers to sleep in. Nick mentally groaned, this was pure torture really was.

Saving him from his impure thoughts was Michael of all people. He came strolling in the room with his trademark sarcastic smile. "So what's the plan? Every good sleepover needs a good plan."

"We're not ten." Shane said.

"No, you're over the hill and have no sense of partying skills." Michael had a way with words, he liked to offend even his own family and especially people he didn't like. For so long he had been a bully to everyone he came in contact with, but then he found love and stuck to using words to tease/offend but at least now he had a limit.

"It's eleven on a school night, go away." Shane was very patient and an all around nice guy, it took a lot for him to get annoyed.

Michael walked over to Nick and sat. "I don't know how you can stand being around his boring ass."

Nick smiled when he realized why Michael was especially in a mood. "What did Julienne do now?" he asked about his best friend.

"Something about how all I want to do is stay in and only use her for sex."

"So the boring one here is really you." he felt good to get that dig in. The sound of Shane chuckling drew Nick's attention back to him, they smiled at each other. It shouldn't have meant anything but it had Nick's stomach clenching again.

"It's the same stuff all the time. Geez it's like we're an old married couple but I still want to bang her." Michael complained.

"Hey, watch it I will kick your ass for talking about her without respect."

"Dude, you're such a girl. No wonder you're getting along with Shane." He was joking, teasing, being typical Michael but that sentence had Nick scared, did Michael pick up on something? He feared someone would figure out his secret and blurt it without his consent. "I'll forgive you for being such a killjoy if you talk to her."

Nick started to relax. "I care because....?" He grinned. "I'll talk to her but know this, I'm on her side and you need to stop being such a lazy ass. Take some vitamins or something."

"I have stamina, thank you very much."

It was a nice change to be the one to annoy Michael and not the other way around. He was adorable with his ready-to-fly-off-the-handle look. Nick had always thought Michael was a good looking guy but it ended there because he wasn't the biggest fan of his sour personality. Unlike with his brother who seemed to have it all.

Nick stood from his cot and headed to the bathroom to get changed. He hoped Shane didn't think anything of it and suspect again he had a problem him. It wasn't Shane's homosexuality that bothered him, it was his own.

### Chapter 4

Shane woke up first that morning. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as the regret of not being able to sleep longer started to lift from his weary bones. It wasn't until he saw Nick asleep across the room he remembered inviting him to stay. Nick lay on his back with his arm tucked under the pillow, his face was turned this way enough for Shane to make out his profile.

He carefully got out of bed and walked toward the door to leave only to stop halfway. Nick's shirt was risen just enough to show his lower back and the large bruise he had going across the area. Shane's chest tightened as he stared at the painful broken skin. "Nick?" he nudged his shoulder. There was no way he could go about his day pretending he didn't see that bruise on his back.

"Hmm?"

"It's eight, when's your first class?" Their structural design class was at eleven.

Nick shot up. "Eight-thirty." He hopped out of the cot and grabbed his clothes. "Mrs. Martinson is a royal bitch about being on time." He pulled of his shirt without hesitation of being seen like last night. He kept forward and probably didn't think Shane would never know about the marks on his back.

Except he did, and he didn't know how to address it with Nick rushing to leave. Shane stood there dumbfounded and watching as Nick put on his shirt and jeans from yesterday. He caught glimpses of his body during the haste movements and what he saw was rather very nice. Shane shook his head and remembered he wasn't supposed to be looking at him like that. A crush, no matter how small, was dangerous for the heart.

Nick was dressed with his shoes on and half out the door when he stopped. "Thanks for your help." he said quickly while trying to adjust his hair before rushing out of the house.

Shane walked over to the window and continued to watch Nick as he hopped in his car and drove away. He should make it to class on time since it only impressively took him five minute to get up and go.

Shane sat back on his bed and sighed. In less than a day's time Nick was getting under his skin. He wanted to help him but didn't know how, he wanted so much more too and that wasn't possible. Was it possible to develop a crush this fast? He frowned and laid back down for a moment. Over the last year his sole focus was school, maybe the lack of intimacy was frying his brain.

He got up sometime later to leave for school. He was halfway out the door when his mother stopped him.

"What, no goodbye? Come here, I know my boys and I know you like the back of my hand, what's wrong?"

That was the problem with living at home, Shane thought, nothing could go unnoticed. "I'm just tired." He couldn't put a label on what he felt. "Bye mom, I'll see you later." He left before she could stop him again and play twenty questions. What he felt was a depressing lack of control. Nick's problems weren't his own but he still cared, he still wanted to somehow fix whatever was wrong for his newfound friend.

Shane was walking through the campus when he heard a voice call his name, it was one of his friends named Joanna. "Running late?" she asked.

"No, my first class was cancelled."

"Oh, well Scott's looking for you." Scott was her brother and his ex. Shane remained friends with Joanna during the relationship and they remained so even after the breakup last year. He couldn't same the same for him and Scott.

"Why?" he didn't want to think of Scott, their relationship was great at first and when it ended, all the good could never make up for the bad.

"Don't know." Joanna answered, and he didn't believe her for one second.

"I'm busy, if he wants to talk to me I just don't have the time." He got out of there before she tried to change his mind. His bad mood worsened as he thought of Scott; who Shane affectionately named the-biggest-mistake-of-his-life.

On his way to architecture 101 he spotted Nick making his way inside. Shane's steps quickened to catch up. The first thing he took notice of was Nick's pissed off expression and taking one look at his hair, it was easy to see why. Instead of his hair all gathered and spiked at the center of his hair, it was flat and combed back away from his eyes.

His bitter mood because of Scott and all the warnings of getting too close to Nick melted away. "Hair tragedy?" Shane tried to keep his laughter inside.

Nick groaned and sank into his seat. "The price you pay for over sleeping. I haven't overslept since I was about nine." He said with a tone that expressed the situation confused him.

Shane smiled. Nick probably slept well because he was comfortable in his house. "It could've been my mom's food, it could knock you out for a week." He tried to offer as some excuse Nick could use and forget about his error. It was an error Shane wanted him to make again. "Did you make it to class on time?"

"Just barely, still late enough to gain extra homework. That woman is the devil in disguise."

Shane watched Nick's expression as he complained about his horrible morning class, the flare of anger across his eyes and then his excitement about his next class. It was interesting to see all his different expressions and feelings so visible. He was quickly learning Nick was a very expressive person, from his appearance to his thoughts and everything in-between.

Mr. Tyler walked in and that meant class was going to start within the next minute. They didn't have much more time to talk and this was something he needed to get off his chest. "Hey," Shane said softly. "I need to talk to you. Why don't you come with me to lunch after this?"

Nick noticeably looked away to give that some thought, he probably was trying to figure out if he had somewhere else to be. "Ok, sure." He whispered a moment later as class began.

### Chapter 5

Nick knew he should stay away from Shane unless they were working on their project but here he was, at the campus grill sharing lunch with the guy. When Shane asked if they have lunch together with those light blue eyes pleading, he simply couldn't say no. Even though his heart begged him to.

"What did you want to talk about?" Nick asked after the food arrived.

Instead of answering, Shane was staring at his guest's plate. "Big fan of sweets?"

On Nick's plate were pie and cookies, next to it sat a tall vanilla milkshake. "Sugar helps me think and there's a lot I have to get done before the day is out. I work better under pressure anyway." All the words flew out of his mouth before needing another breath of air. He winced and closed his eyes. "Sometimes I talk a lot."

"I don't mind."

Nick opened his eyes and saw Shane smiling at him, the upturn of his lips had his heart racing. "The only person that wouldn't get annoyed, I can talk more than what you saw, is Julienne. She told me she liked that I talked so much because she never talked enough."

"You helped her a lot back then, when my brother was too stupid to realize his mistakes."

Nick smiled weakly and grabbed a cookie. "She's returned the favor. So what did you want too talk to me about?" that question nagged him all through class.

Shane opened his mouth and quickly closed it as something else grabbed his attention. Nick turned to see why the sudden change and saw it wasn't _something_ but _someone_ Shane was staring at.

The man was about six feet even with wide shoulders and a slim waist. He was searching the crowd and landed on Shane. Nick turned back to his guest just in time to see him pale. "Someone you're avoiding?"

"You can say that. If I went my whole life without seeing that bastard again it'd be too soon."

The guy walked over and glared at Shane. "I've been looking for you. Why haven't you called me?"

"Joanna told me and I told her I was busy." Shane bit out tightly.

The guy looked at Nick and scoffed. "You're avoiding me for this freak?"

It didn't bother Nick, he had heard worse, it did however piss Shane off. "Hey! He's a better person than you can ever be, even on his worse day." Shane's blue eyes flared with anger, staring at the man he wanted to avoid.

"You left me to be with a freak like this?" the man didn't sound like he could believe what he was seeing.

Nick didn't want to get involved but Shane just stood up for him, something many people didn't do. "Yes," He reached over and took Shane's hand protectively in his own. "and you're interrupting a private moment." He put as much annoyance humanly possible in his expression.

The man glared. "This isn't over." He left before drawing the attention of the grille customers.

"Yes it is." Shane said softly, his face twisting with emotions.

Nick put his hand back at his side. "Are you ok?" the answer was obvious he wasn't but Nick hoped maybe he'd talk to him about it if he asked. It was none of his business and he should avoid getting personal with Shane but again his mouth wasn't listening to how his heart wanted to guard it's self.

"I'm sorry he talked to you like that."

"Don't worry about it, I've heard worse." He said with a shrug, he refused to let words bother him any more. That period of his life ended in high school.

"And I'm sorry he assumed...."

"That's ok too, it doesn't matter what he thinks anyway and maybe if you fake date someone else he'll move on." It was obvious as the sun was to daylight that the man was Shane's ex-boyfriend. Nick grabbed his milkshake and started drinking.

"Maybe." Shane picked at his food, a club sandwich he no longer looked interested in.

"Here, I'll take you out your misery." He reached over and grabbed the sandwich and took a huge bite of it.

Shane laughed and for that wonderful sound the stomachache would be worth it later. "Cookies and pie not enough?"

"They are but every cookie needs chicken." the sandwich was pretty good and he decided to finish it.

"Do you eat like this all the time? How do you stay in shape?"

"Who says I'm in shape? I'm scrawny for reasons I don't know and that's about it. You're the one in shape with abs of steel." The words left his mouth before he could catch them. He took another mouthful of food to hide his embarrassment.

"You look good to me but anyway, thanks."

This was quickly crossing some line and getting very awkward. Nick hoped he wasn't blushing too hard. "Why did you invite me here?"

"Um...I don't want to pretend I didn't see anything when I did. When you were asleep I saw the bruise on your back."

"Ok, and?" Nick started to panic. "I fell in the kitchen and smacked right into the counter." That was partly the truth. "No big deal."

Shane didn't look convinced. "If you need anything or want to talk—"

"About what? I fell; people do it all the time. I gotta get going." He stood and grabbed his things. He walked out of there as fast as his legs allowed, his heart raced and he didn't dare turn back.

Nick was trying to be careful but Shane was still getting too close for comfort. He had to distance himself before Shane found out too much.

Back on campus he went in search for Julienne and found her seated on a bench. "I need to talk to you." he said with desperation. He was ready to crack, there was no way he could go to class and keep pretending life was ok. It wasn't only Shane loosening his fragile grasp of sanity. Sometimes it felt like his life was one train wreck after another.

"What's wrong?"

"Let's go somewhere private before I freak out in front of everyone." He grabbed her hand and started running to the parking lot where his car had no time to cool.

"Nick, whatever it is you can tell me." Julienne's voice was soft as he drove away from the college.

"I don't know." Tears started to prick his eyes, when they were far enough he pulled over. Julienne had already been in one deadly devastating car crash, he didn't want to put her in another.

"Nick." She rubbed her hand over his shoulder. "Tell me."

He wanted to, he wanted to scream the words and feel some relief from their daily assault. He sank into his seat and let the tears fall. "I'm having feelings for someone I shouldn't." out of all the problems in his life, this was the one he didn't know how to ignore.

"That's great, what's the problem? She doesn't like you?"

He turned to look her with a tear stained face. There were no more roads to keep running down, no lies he could convince himself were the truth. "He."

Her eyes went wide, of course she'd be shocked, he never let on before and she knew he had dated girls in the past. "Shane." She said with a gasp as if it all just clicked in perfect harmony.

Some relief filled his chest, it was out there and his friend wasn't calling him a disgusting freak. "How'd you guess?"

"I saw you staring at him during dinner. Don't worry, no one else noticed it but since we're like family I spot things about you, just apparently not good enough. Why didn't you tell me before? You know everything about me." Julienne wasn't happy he didn't trust her enough with his biggest secret. She let the disappointment shine across her beautiful face.

"I didn't tell you because telling you would be like telling myself and I wasn't, I'm still not, ready to admit this. I was good at faking it, at pretending I wasn't different but then I met Shane and he's so fucking beautiful I almost hate him for it." There was relief to finally say the words but now came the fear, fear of rejection, fear of failure.

"He is." She agreed with a firm nod. "Michael keeps making fun of me because I admitted that months ago."

"You admitted to your boyfriend you find his brother hot?" did that only sound crazy to him? Apparently, yes.

"Yeah, why not it's not like anything would happen. He likes guys." Julienne said innocently, seeing no problem at all and if Michael was teasing her then he didn't mind it either.

"Here comes the million dollar question; what am I going to do?"

### Chapter 6

Nick sat there unable to muster up any energy to drive back to school. Class had already started and would be a lost cause anyway, to show up late and embarrassed.

"You could try talking to him." Julienne suggested after five minutes of silence.

"It wouldn't matter, it's not like this is just some crush and all would end well if he likes me back. I can't be gay." He had never said the words before, to classify himself as gay, it was strangely gratifying on top of the mind numbing fear he couldn't shake.

"You can't hide from it either."

"I already get so much abuse from them because they only _suspect_ it. What do you think will happen if I admit it?" It pained him to know his family couldn't support him, they were against every decision he made. He rebelled to a point with the piercings and tattoos but to come out of the closet, no, that Nick couldn't do.

"Leave there." Julienne didn't hide the desperation dripping along her voice.

"And go where? I don't have anywhere else." Sure, he crashed at her place time to time but he couldn't do that forever. He worked part-time on the campus library except again, that wasn't enough to get his own place and still take his classes.

She sighed and banged her head back on the seat. "I'll come up with something." Her voice was full of promise and he loved her for it.

"You have to keep this to yourself. I don't want anyone knowing." He knew she wasn't a blabbermouth but still, he wanted to make sure she wouldn't say anything and risk it getting back to the wrong person.

"You know I'll do whatever you need." She reached over and held his hand tight. "But you can't keep going like this, you know from watching me that holding these things in only creates a problem." Julienne ran away from her private demons until one day they got the best of her and she slit her wrist.

"I just need some time to think." Nick wasn't sure if that was true because right now he didn't think he'd ever he'd be able to admit his truth. To be able to come out of the shadows and into the real world.

Shane went through the rest of his classes hoping to catch Nick in the halls, but no suck luck. He spotted Julienne but she was on her way home before he could ask her about Nick. Shane was sulking by the time he got home himself, he wanted to know that Nick was ok. Maybe he should've kept his mouth shut, except at the same time, he wanted to offer his friendship, to let Nick know he was there for him if he'd need it.

"What should we have for dinner?" his mother asked from the living room while he shut the front door. "I'm thinking pizza."

"If you don't want to cook, don't cook. You paid your dues along time ago." Shane made sure to slap on his best charming smile. He didn't want his mom asking twenty questions again if she caught wind of his sour mood. His bad mood had nothing to do with him or his family, therefore it made no sense to inflict it on them.

"Cooking is overrated. How was your day?"

"Good, not as much homework today. Is Michael home?"

"No, I think he's stalking Julienne."

"She's still mad at him?" Shane asked with a laugh. His brother's relationship was better than any sitcom on TV.

"I think they always find a way to be mad at each other. It works for them." she shrugged. "Speaking of my sons and their love life...."

Dread filled his chest. "Mom, no."

"I know you are studying and being a good boy but you need to have fun too."

"After the epic mistake I made with Scott I'm not ready to get back out there." He confessed weakly, his mother was the only person to know the details of what went wrong.

"By hiding you're letting him win. I understand that you're not ready but it's been a year, I don't want you hiding that you miss a chance at something wonderful."

"Thanks mom, really." Saving him from continuing this conversation was a knock on the front door. Still standing in front of it, Shane turned and answered to find Julienne waiting on the other side. "Michael's not home."

"I'm not looking for him, I'm looking for you." she was nervous with a crooked smile. "Let's talk outside."

"Ok." Shane said slowly, dropping his bag on the living room floor to follow her outside.

"Michael mentioned you were looking for your own place but you were still saving up. Maybe you should get a roommate and find that place now." Her nervous ticks were on display, she kept looking at the ground then back up at him for a short second. The way she was rambling reminded him of Nick.

"Julianne." He waited until she dragged her grey eyes off the grass and looked at him for longer than that second. "What is going on?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking and got an idea. You need a place.....Nick needs a place."

"You want Nick to be my roommate?" Shane saw the words she wasn't using. He thought of the bruise on Nick's back, how he never wanted to go home. If Julienne wanted him to leave home then she must be scared for his safety.

"Well, you guys are getting along and it's time you leave home before you become some cat lady." Her tone was awkward and endearing, she was nervous and uncomfortable yet she was going through it for her friend.

"You're right." Shane said. "I love it here but sometimes, especially with Michael nagging me, I want my own space." It wasn't a bad idea, it was a great idea, and the only reason he wasn't jumping with excitement was the fact he didn't know if living with Nick was something Nick would want. Shane knew he was developing a dangerous crush on him already and sharing a home might not be the best idea either.

"Yeah...so I was looking and found something close to school that you should check out."

That was fast, he thought, and understood her rush. It was pretty obvious what she wanted him to say next. "Do you want me to see it now?"

"Yes! We can go together in your car." Julienne didn't drive.

He couldn't find the words to deny her or deny the need she had to help Nick, because he was sharing that same need. "Sure, let's go."

### Chapter 7

Two hours later, Shane found himself putting down a deposit and signing a lease. Julienne could be very quiet and shy, then there were times she was a spitfire, she wasn't letting him leave this place until he signed papers with the real estate agent. There were even some threats she used, he was sure she picked that up from Michael.

The real estate woman shook his hand, handed him a pair of keys, and wished him luck all while wearing a huge smile before leaving him alone with Julienne.

"You bullied me into this." Shane told his brother's girlfriend. His head was still spinning from the whiplash, this transaction happened way too fast. This morning his biggest worry was time management to juggle all his classes, how he had his own apartment to worry about. The biggest worry was rent.

Julienne gasped. "No I didn't, I simply present you with good facts." She was cute as a button when she pouted, it was really no wonder Michael fell in love with her.

"It's a great deal, you were right about that, but I can't do it alone." this was his biggest fear, he entered this agreement with hope and not facts. Shane didn't work like that and now that the deal was signed, he was regretting not taking a moment to think first.

"Nick will say yes, trust me. I could've built a cardboard box and he would've moved into it."

His heart started to drop with sadness for the boy he was doing this all for. "Is it that bad with his parents?"

Julienne got the look that said she realized she said too much. "They argue, what family doesn't? Nick is just sick of it and doesn't want to have to change himself again because he lives with them." Her words felt unfinished but at the same time Shane understood she was loyal to her best friend and wouldn't break that trust.

The lease was signed, there was no more turning back. It was time to move forward. "Let's go back to the house so I can break my mother's heart."

When they arrived his mother was in the kitchen cooking after his father talked her into it after all. She wasn't happy as she stirred the food on the stove. "Where'd you disappear to with Julienne?"

"She wanted to show me something....an apartment she saw in the paper. It's pretty big, close to the campus, and a steal of a price." Shane didn't know how to break the news without cringing. It was a wonder how Michael could lie as easily as breathing, while Shane couldn't even break bad news without it showing across his face.

Patricia Gregory slowly turned away from the stove and looked up at her tall son. "You're moving?"

"Mom, we knew this day would come. We talked about how I would stay long enough save money to branch out on my own." Shane was quick with his words, he hated seeing her upset. His mom was his best friend. "It's close; I'll visit everyday and steal food from you."

She threw her hands in the air. "Now I have to keep cooking everyday."

Shane laughed with relief, if she was joking then that meant she was ok with the move, maybe. He stepped forward and gave her a tight hug. "You know you love it."

Nick was camped out in his room when he got a text from Julienne demanding that he meet her at the Gregory residence. He told her no and his phone rang barely fifteen seconds later. "Julienne, I don't feel like going over there."

"Why, because Shane suspected the truth about your folks? Or because you might confess your undying love?"

"You've been with Michael too long, you're turning into a bitch."

"I love you and you know that. I'm trying to do what's best for you."

"How does it help me if I go over there?" Nick asked, his curiosity was peaked even if it terrified him to see Shane.

"I have a surprise and this is just where I happen to be."

He knew she was lying; her voice changed tons when she lied. "Julienne...."

"You trust me right? Then get your pretty ass over here." She hung up after that.

Nick shook his head, yeah Michael definitely was rubbing off on her. Nick had never been able to tell her no and he wasn't going to start now. He climbed out of his bed and pulled his sneaker back on.

He was halfway to the door when his uncle's deep voice broke the air. "Where are you going?"

"Julienne needs my help with something." Nick mumbled. He hated how loudly and bubby his personality was in the street but at home he cowered into a tiny shell of his normal self. Living in his house was breaking his spirit.

"Couldn't be her bra strap because you couldn't find that with the light on and with two hands." He was always saying stuff like that. "She's a hot piece of ass, too bad you don't know what to do with it."

Nick started seeing red, he was used to his uncle talking shit about him but it was wrong to bring Julienne into it. "Leave her out of this." he growled.

"Or what? Are you itching to get dealt with again?" Jim Straits stood from his spot on the couch, he was a big man at over six foot and weighing over three hundred pounds.

What Nick had on his side was speed, he was close to the door and could haul ass, and his uncle could never keep up. "I'll be back later." His movements were quick out of the house, he could hear his uncle yelling their conversation wasn't over.

Within the next ten minutes he was pulling up to the Gregory family home. His stomach tightened and he started to feel sick from how nervous he was. Julienne was standing on the porch waiting for him, along with Shane. Just great.

As he got out to face them, he was glad he had his best friend on his side at least and she knew the truth about what he was feeling. If need be she could bail him out of any awkward moment. "Hey, what was so urgent?" he asked Julienne.

Julienne jumped right into it. "I was apartment shopping with Shane here," she pointed to the taller man with her thumb. "and he found this amazing place but he'd need a roommate to afford it comfortably so I told him I knew the perfect person...."

Nick's eyes all but fell out of his head. "No." why the hell would she suggest him as a roommate knowing how he felt romantically about Shane?

"Yes." Julienne said, a tense smile pulling at her mouth. "I pushed him into signing the lease. You don't want him to be stuck with a place he can't afford and go hungry, do you?"

He stared into her grey yes and couldn't believe what he saw. "Are you blackmailing me?" Nick was completely shocked.

"She's good at it." Shane chimed in.

Nick shook his head, still not completely believing this. "You've been around Michael too long."

Shane agreed. "That's what I said."

"See!" Julienne exclaimed. "You guys get along great and you share a lot of the same people in your life, it'd be great."

Nick looked toward Shane for the first time and tried to calm the increased heart rate it brought on. "What do you think?" he knew Julienne was the mastermind behind all this but he didn't want to cave and then have Shane regret him for it.

Shane smiled shyly, a small smile that had Nick breathless all over again. "I need a roommate, that's true, and I can't think of anyone better than you right now."

Nick started feeling like a wussy girl who grew lighthearted when the gorgeous guy looked her way. "Ok." There was nothing else he could say, he couldn't deny up the perfect opportunity in front of him. He could finally leave home and that was all that mattered. He could survive living with Shane. He just had to be careful to keep his feelings to himself and avoid Shane Gregory at all costs. Yeah, piece of cake.

### Chapter 8

When Shane told Michael about the move, he was surprised to see how upset it made his younger brother. "You got your own place? That fast? What the fuck?" Michael demanded, his arms crossed tight over his chest and his blue eyes ablaze with anger.

Shane lowered the book he had been reading. "Why are you having a cow?"

Michael groaned. "Now who am I going to talk to?"

Shane smiled and realized even though Michael could be a huge pain in the ass, he loved him. "We can still talk, there are phones."

Michael walked over and punched him on the arm. "I want a key." He stormed off after that. Shane laughed as he picked up his book and kept reading

Nick sat with Julienne at the park bench. "Now tell me the truth about this whole roommate thing."

She looked at him, her eyes serious. "I told you I'd come up with something. I promised you and I like to keep them. I know it might be uncomfortable for you but it'll be a hell of a lot better than you staying with your aunt." Tears glossed her eyes at the harsh reality that created her reasoning.

In an offer of comfort, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Thank you."

"I want to kill them for hurting you." she cried. "You don't deserve it."

"If I could've just been normal...." Nick thought about it often, if he could've just been a normal boy, would they have loved him? If they could finally stop the verbal and physical abuse, could they be a real family?

"No! Don't you dare do that. You taught me that there isn't a problem with us, it's the problem they aren't willing to face about themselves. There is not a fucking thing wrong with you." her tears came harder as her anger soared. She stared at him and as quickly as her rant came, it was gone and she started to laugh.

"Are you losing it again Jules?"

"Maybe, I was thinking we should go back to Florida and let Mrs. Robinson have her way with you and maybe on the side, Dr. Sharon can give you sessions so you can stop telling me you aren't normal. You're the most normal person I know."

Nick smiled as he remembered the summer he spent with her in Florida while she was in that rehab. He had never felt freer. "Thanks." He held her close and together they stared at the stars with their worries taking a backseat.

That Saturday Nick agreed with Shane to move into their new place.

Nick was stealthy about it, he packed his clothes and a few other items into his car and left while his aunt and uncle were at work. He left a note on the kitchen table wishing them luck and said his goodbye. He knew he couldn't sit them down and explain the whole situation to them, leaving like this was the best option.

Getting Shane moved out was a different story. His parents doted on him and wished he wouldn't go. Even Michael was sad. For some reason it was amazing for Nick to see even bad boy Michael upset that his big brother was moving out. The Gregory family wasn't thrilled with Shane leaving, but they didn't stop him.

Nick helped them move the furniture from Shane's room into the moving truck. He was leaning against his car taking a break when Mrs. Gregory came and stood next to him. "You're done moving you're stuff that fast?"

"It was just a few things." He was wary, why was she interested?

"Nick, I've been a mother of two boys for a very long time. I know things and I know a few things means some clothes and that's it. You can't just sleep on the floor." Damn, this woman was good.

"Mrs. Gregory—"

"I have some furniture just gathering dust in the garage, you'd be doing me a favor if you took it."

Nick stared at this woman and felt a ton of regret, why couldn't he have a mother like this? Shane and Michael had no idea how lucky they were. "Thank you."

"You won't be thanking me when you have to move it all." She patted his shoulder and headed back inside.

With a sigh, Nick drank some water and went to see exactly what was in the garage he had to move all by his lonesome. Everyone was still inside packing up boxes.

Shane was bringing a box out to the truck when he nearly dropped it. Nick must've gotten hot, his t-shirt was off and tucked into the back pocket of his jeans. His eyes were closed as he leaned back against the truck, giving Shane a full view of his chest.

Shane shook his head in disbelief, and Nick didn't think he was in shape? He was in perfect shape from where Shane stood.

Forcing his feet to move he continued to the truck.

"Your mom is trying to kill me." Nick said, opening his eyes.

Shane set the box down on of the ledge then pushed it inside the truck. "She doesn't want to seem too sweet, she'll give you something but you gotta work for it." he kept his blue eyes on his face even though he was tempted to glance down and follow the beads of sweat down Nick's chest.

"I see that."

"Where's Michael?"

"He was helping along with Julienne but they disappeared."

Shane laughed, they both knew what Michael had in mind when he left with Julienne. "Between the two of us we can finish this." And that's exactly what they did.

For the next two hours, together they finished loading the truck, and by the time they were done the sun was gone replaced by a grey sky.

"It's gonna rain." Shane said, opting to be the one to break the bad news.

"It might help." Nick leaned back against the trunk, rested his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. "Everything hurts." He sounded in pain, ready to take a very long nap.

"In that aspect you are out of shape." Shane said, gaining a glare from the other boy. "I'm just being honest." With Nick hanging his head low trying to breathe, Shane opted to stare a little. Nick was dripping in sweat and was miserable but he looked drop dead gorgeous.

Nick's head suddenly shot up. "We're not unloading this tonight, right?"

Shane didn't have the heart to say yes, he'd just pay another day for the rental. "No."

"Oh thank god." Nick slid to the ground and sat there.

"You look liked a wounded puppy." Shane said with a frown.

"I feel like I was run over....twice by this truck."

"I'll be back." He turned around and went inside straight to the kitchen. "Mom, I think we broke Nick."

"He'll survive. Your father offered to help but Nick already feels like we've done too much and turned it down. He's hurting but his ego is intact, isn't that all that matters with you men?" Patricia grumbled from her seat at the kitchen table.

Shane laughed. "If you're putting men down someone did something."

"Your father is a jerk."

It always amused Shane when his parents fought because they argued over the dumbest things and within the same day, they'd make up and it would be forgotten. Shane walked over to the fridge and grabbed some bottles. "I'm sure he's sorry."

"Yeah, he's a sorry bastard."

Shane kept his laughter in and left back outside to his wounded friend. Nick was still sitting on the ground with his back against the truck. "Water or juice?" he held out both bottles. Slowly Nick stood and took the bottle of juice. "Of course, the one with sugar." Shane commented, knowing something about his roommate already.

Nick grimaced and opened the bottle. "I drank water earlier."

Shane didn't like Nick down, he preferred him hyper and talking a lot. Struck with what he thought was a brilliant idea; Shane opened the water and poured it all over his new roommate. The water was freezing and Nick jumped a few feet in the air. Now there was some pep in his step.

Nick inhaled deep breaths trying to get rid of the shock and freezing. "You...."

Shane smiled and took note of the deadly intent in Nick's green eyes. As if he was reading his mind, Shane took off running down the street before Nick could grab him. On his way past four houses he ran into his brother.

"Why are you running?" Michael asked with Julienne at his side, they must've been walking home.

"Nick is about to kill me." He looked behind and saw him catching up. "Gotta go." He picked his pace back up. He wasn't worried about Nick catching up because the other boy was tired and Shane ran every morning so he was definitely faster.

### Chapter 9

After half hour of walking around the neighborhood with no sight of Nick, Shane decided to go home. When he got there he found everyone inside gathered in the living room. Nick locked eyes with him and glared. Shane wasn't scared, he thought it was funny.

"You guys should get out of here before it gets any late." Shane's mom advised.

"Yeah." Nick agreed. "Let's go."

Shane didn't like the tone of voice he was using. "Ok." He answered simply, he was not going to show any fear. Yes, he was curious as to Nick's plans but realistically he could take him. He said goodbye to his parents and received another punch from his brother before a hug.

"It's almost nauseating." Nick said while they walked outside.

"I've learned over the years there's no stopping them." Shane said with a shrug, he was simply used to his overbearing parents already.

"I haven't forgotten the water incident."

"So?" Shane asked, he knew it sounded cocky and that's what he wanted.

"It'd be too predictable to get you back now so I'm going to wait until you least expect it." Nick left that as his parting words as he got inside his car.

Shane led the way to the apartment Nick hadn't even seen yet. He pulled into the parking lot and noticed it was just past midnight. He could sleep for a few hours camped on the floor and then wake up in the morning to unload the trunk. That sounded like the best course of action.

He hopped out the truck and dug into his pocket. "Here's your set. Fair warning; Michael guilt tripped me into giving him a set."

"I'm too tried to care about Michael showing up to annoy us."

Their apartment was on the third floor, two doors down on the left side. He opened the door and carried his suitcase over his shoulder. "This is it." he stood back and watched Nick's reaction which looked a lot like awe.

The living room was large, the biggest room in the apartment. Shane had ideas to turn half of it into an office. One of the best things about Nick as a roommate was they shared the same passions and the same major at school. The kitchen was affair size with clean appliances. Next, he showed him down the hallway where the two bedrooms were. "One bathroom so we'll have to share." The apartment couldn't have it all. "I know you're a hog."

"Sometimes."

"Here's your room." Shane left him alone and went down to his room. He sat on the floor and opened his suitcase; inside he had some blankets and pajamas for the night. In the bathroom, brushed his teeth and changed for bed. On the way back to his room he decided to check in on Nick. The door was open; he peaked inside to find Nick asleep in the floor. It looked like he laid down as soon as he walked in and didn't bother to even take off his sneakers. Nick was sprawled out on the tan carpet, his arms and legs spread out in odd angles. Shane shook his head and smiled, Nick was certainly something special.

Nick jumped up from a rather deep sleep when he heard something bang against the wall. He blinked a few times and remembered he was in his new apartment, officially living with Shane Gregory. He got off the floor and groaned the whole way, every muscle in his body was sore and hurt.

He walked down the hall to go find where the noise was coming from.

Shane was in the living room surrounded by all the boxes from the truck. He turned and saw Nick. "Stairs, three flights of stairs and there's all that stuff." It was the first time Shane looked wary.

Nick grimaced; he wasn't ready to move all that furniture again. "Maybe we can just leave it down there."

With a groan, Shane ran his hands down his face. "We just have to psych ourselves out and get it done."

Nick wanted to go crawl back on the floor and sleep but this was their apartment and they had to get it done. "Right. I'll be back." He went to the bathroom and got ready for the day. He threw water all of his face hoping it'd give him energy but alas, he was still dragging when he went down to help Shane.

They decided to grab their own stuff and put it in place after they brought it up, something about two birds with one stone. Nick was too tired to care. An hour after non-stop hauling of furniture he stopped. "We need food."

"We arrived with perfect timing." A voice said.

Nick swung around and saw Julienne and Michael standing at the open apartment door. More importantly, she was holding a bag of something that smelled amazing and another bag that made his heart swell. "Cupcakes." He ran and snatched the bags free from her hands. He dropped to his butt right there on the floor and started to eat.

Julienne laughed and looked at Shane. "What have you done to him?"

"Nothing, he's just not used to heavy lifting." Shane was defensive.

Michael slapped the boy in question on the back. "You need some meat on your bones."

"Oww." Nick groaned, his mouth full of cupcake.

"Dude." Shane snatched the pack of cupcakes. "It's the morning, eat something to give you some energy."

Nick glared at him. "You throw water on me and now take my cupcakes?" right now he didn't care how cute Shane was, he was pissing him off.

"Not even a day and you guys are acting like a married couple." Julienne observed, Nick turned his glare onto her, she just smiled.

"Speaking of." Michael said. "You should make some rules before it gets awkward, you don't want to walk in when the other one is trying to get busy." Nick felt like he was going to faint with every word Michael said. Why couldn't he shut up?

Shane frowned and turned his pretty blue eyes on Nick, silently asking if Michael was right and they should figure this out now.

"We should get this done." Nick got up and left the apartment, he did not want to have that conversation. He was on the elevator on his way back downstairs when Julienne jumped in before the doors closed. "I hate your boyfriend." They were alone.

"He doesn't know you're falling in love with his brother."

He groaned. "Please shut up, I'm not falling in love." He knew there was no denying the attraction he felt toward Shane but that was it, a simple crush.

"You're falling in something.....and you'd make such a cute couple."

"Ugh." Nick groaned and felt his heart sinking. "He is perfect, what the hell would he want with me?" it didn't matter if it was a guy or a girl, he knew he didn't stand a change with someone like Shane Gregory. It was heartbreaking to even think of. "There's only a few more pieces, you're here that means you have to help."

Another two hours later the truck was empty and all the furniture, the couches and bed sets the Gregory's had given them, were all in place. Michael and Julienne left with Shane to return the truck and give him a ride back before heading on home themselves.

Nick was ready to go into a corner and cry, he was so damn tired. Instead he walked into his room, fell onto the bed and went right to sleep.

### Chapter 10

Within two weeks of really meeting each other that day in class, Shane and Nick were roommates. It felt surreal but a blessing nonetheless for Nick. There was this unbelievable peace to be out of that house he was forced to share with his uncle. Sure, it was awkward sometimes with Shane but other times it was fun too, like they were real friends who could trust each other. Since the move; it was pretty easy going when he and Shane found themselves in the same room. Nick didn't want to press his luck, he stayed at work late or hung out with Julianne, he only went home to sleep most days.

That boring Sunday, he was working the cash register at the book store. It was a little after noon and he was flipping through a magazine when he felt a shadow wash over him. He looked up and was met with a pair of light blues that could only belong to one person. "Hey." He sat a little straighter.

"We're living together but it feels like we barely see each other." Shane chuckled. He suspected it was because they were both busy with work and school, he had no idea Nick was avoiding him or why. "We got the outline done of the project but we haven't started any of the building." It made sense for Shane to seek him out over the project.

"I know, I'm sorry." Trying to hide from him wasn't a good excuse to fail a class, a very important class. "I'm free at four."

"Great. I'll shop for the supplies." With a dazzling smile, he turned and left the store.

Alone, Nick sighed and wished he had the strength to not let Shane affect him. It was a smile, which shouldn't be such a big deal, but for Nick it had his heart racing. Over the last few days, probably because they were sharing such close corridors, Nick began having some dreams and Shane. While the dreams were happening it was perfect, he gave into the desire but when he woke up that was another story. He hated himself for being so weak. Someone strong would fess up about his feelings.

"You work here? Is the owner on drugs or something?" an annoying female voice said.

"I had hoped you left town to go to school or maybe marry some rich bastard."

Amber Keys was his ex-girlfriend, when they dated she hadn't been such a royal bitch, just a bitch. He couldn't believe he had ever liked her or pretended to. When they were going out he thought she was pretty but he never wanted her the way most boys, straight, boys would. That's partly why they broke up. The main reason they broke up was the constant way she would put him down. He had gotten enough of that at home and refused to put up with it from her.

"But," Nick added to his earlier statement. "You can't hide your attitude long enough for some poor bastard to propose." For a long time he would shy away from her, take her bulling at school without fighting back, not anymore. He wised up from that during senior year and grew a backbone.

"Ring this up so I can go before your disgusting cooties rub off on me."

"Are we in kindergarten and I don't realize it; cooties?" he grabbed the two books and ran them across the scanner.

With an aggravated groan she paid and stormed away. Seeing her upset did wonders for Nick's mood.

His replacement arrived a little earlier and took over. Nick gathered his things and decided to head on home. The project was the first of the semester and it needed to be perfect. Nick didn't look for reasons to doge going home this time.

He arrived half hour earlier then they agreed upon and apparently Shane decided to use that free time to work out. Nick cursed his horrible bad luck as his eyes were glued to Shane, who was doing pull-ups wearing nothing but a pair of shorts.

Nick thought about turning around and coming home much later but he couldn't move, he couldn't blink, he was transfixed.

"You're home early." Shane said, noticing him but not stopping his routine.

"Yeah." Nick said weakly, his eyes still glued, his head bobbing up and down to follow Shane's movement. He felt a shift in his pants and forced himself to look away and think about Amber's annoying attitude, that would take away any man's erection.

Shane stopped his sexual torture and sat on the floor. "You look sick."

"I ran into my ex-girlfriend and she makes me want to vomit." That was partly the truth, what had him red and flustered had nothing to do with Amber thought. "You ready to get some work done?"

"Let me get cleaned up." he jumped up from the floor and took off down the hall.

Nick couldn't stop himself and watched Shane leave; the shorts he wore were long to his knee but kind of tight revealing a nice ass. Nick tried again to think of Amber and another annoying things but he couldn't shake the desire coursing his body.

After taking a shower and getting dressed, Shane headed over to his room to wait for Nick to join him. The living room was still pretty bare and all of the supplies and the desk were in Shane's room, using it for their project just made sense.

Yesterday, they talked a little bit about the project before Nick had to leave for work. Thy tossed around some new ideas and Nick promised to let Shane see his full portfolio to get a better idea of what else they could incorporate to make their project perfect.

Nick joined him in the room and handed him the black case. He sat with Shane on the bed while he looked through his portfolio. "These are really good." Shane said with a smile, he was still amazed with his talent and these were even better than the last ones he saw.

Nick was rather quiet; he focused on the floor for several minutes before he turned to Shane. "How different is it?" he whispered, there was an odd broken quality to his voice.

Shane closed the book. "What?"

His eyes held a battle, of what? Shane couldn't figure that out. "Kissing a woman from a man." Nick answered.

Shane's eyes grew wide. "What?" his heart started to thud painfully inside his chest.

"I'm...just wondering." Nick's broken voice started to shake.

Shane looked down at his hands then back up to find Nick watching him. "Uh...I kissed a girl once when I was thirteen and hated it. I've never done it since so I don't really know if there's a difference." He explained nervously, his mind going a mile a minute trying to figure out _why_ Nick would be asking this. In the past his straight male friends would ask him questions, but never like this, never with the battle Nick was presenting across his face.

"Can I....?" he let the question hang there as he moved a little bit closer. There was no questioning what he was asking as his body language told the story.

Shane's eyes grew even wider. "No. I'm not going to be your lab rat." He turned away feeling even more confused and wished Nick would find someone else to experiment with. He glanced at the other boy again and found him watching him, his green eyes intense and waiting. Shane sighed and found himself submitting. "Fine." He whispered angrily as he dropped the book to the floor. He had a crush on Nick and because of that he was allowing himself to be used and set up for heartbreak. He should be kicking Nick out of the room but he secretly wanted him to do it, to kiss him.

Nick didn't need any more incentive than that. He sat up on his knee and leaned into Shane who had his eyes closed, waiting for the torture to be over. The kiss wouldn't be the torture, what happened after when he left, that would be the torture.

Nick laid his lips over his in the softest manner at first, if this was it then that wouldn't be too bad Shane reasoned but then Nick deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside his mouth as his hands moved up his shoulder and through his hair.

Oh crap, Shane thought as he felt himself getting lost in this little experiment. He fell back willingly on the bed after Nick nudged him. He laid there completely surrendered to the other boy.

Nick's lips were soft and demanding, searching every inch of his mouth for his taste. The lip ring he wore was cold and erotic against Shane's own lips. Nick's hands moved through his short hair and down to his shoulder.

Shane heard himself whimper as Nick kept going, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He hadn't let himself get emotionally or physically involved with anyone since Scott, his body quickly came to life and missed what it was like to be with another person.

Seconds later Nick pulled away, looking down at him with dark lust filled green eyes. Those eyes held a lot of emotion, some of them want and other conflict. He sat up and ran out of the room.

Shane laid there with tears pricking his own eyes.

### Chapter 11

Nick drove away from the apartment questioning what the hell had gotten into him, why had he been so forward with Shane? He knew he was going crazy and wanted to know what it'd be like to kiss Shane but this was wrong, so wrong. Except he hadn't been able to forget about Shane there working out on the floor or what he looked like nearly naked. The images swam though his mind as he sat there next to Shane and next thing he knew, those questions were coming from his mouth.

He pulled over on the side of the road and let his tears fall. They couldn't go back to being friends after this, Shane would want to know _why_ the hell he kissed him anyway. He'd want to know if there was something Nick was hiding. Ha, if he only knew.

Nick sat back and replayed their kiss, wondering if it was worth it and the short answer was yes. He would've killed to know the taste of his mouth and for those short minutes his dream had come true. _But at what cost?_ His subconscious taunted.

His cell phone began to ring; he checked the number and recognized it as Shane's. There was no way he was answering, he was probably calling to yell at him for being such a fool.

The ringing stopped and Nick let out a sigh or relief only have to have phone ring again, this time it was a message. Against his decision to hide, he read it. ' _It's ok._ ' It was from Shane of course.

Nick stared at the screen, biting his bottom lip, trying to figure out that those two words could mean. His tears fell harder and he snapped the phone closed.

Shane cursed and threw his phone down, after ten minutes he was sure Nick wasn't going to write him back. If anyone should be mad and avoiding the other one, it should be him. He thought back to the kiss, the short moments before and after it, and he did start to get angry. What the hell was all of that anyway?

He heard of guys being curious but this was much more than that. He had felt it; Nick wanted to kiss him, to touch him.

He heard the front door opening and knew it had to be Michael and Julienne, a day didn't pass without Michael stopping by. If anyone had answers about Nick it'd be Julienne. He jumped from his bed and met them. "Hey, you guys busy?"

"Not really, what's up?" his brother asked.

"I need to talk to Julienne."

"Why?" Michael asked. "You're not switching teams and trying to steal her away are you?" it didn't matter the time or day he had to make jokes. "She already thinks you're hotter than me." Shane glanced at the girl in question and saw her face was red with anger. She threw her hand back and hit Michael across the chest. "Fine, you can have her now."

Julianne narrowed her eyes at Michael as she stepped forward. "Remember that later, my legs are staying permanently closed."

"Aww baby don't be like that!" Michael yelled as she walked away, following Shane back down the hallway. "Your brother is such an ass."

"And for some stupid reason you're in love with him." He didn't know how she or anyone could put up with Michael for such long periods of time.

"I think I have some serious mental problem the doctor didn't find." She joked about it now, but her time in a rehab felicity for depressed suicidal people hadn't been easy for her a year ago. "What do you want to talk to me about?"

Shane led her into his room and shut the door. "Nick." He watched her face and noticed how she dropped her eyes to the floor, she was nervous. "Is there something I should know?" he asked carefully.

"About what? Is the agreement not working out or did he flake on the project?"

He kept watching her and knew he was on the right track asking her by the way she was trying to deflect, if he wanted answers he was going to have to tell her everything. "He kissed me."

Her head shot up from shock then she quickly looked back down. "I don't know why he would do that."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't, Nick's always liked girls and if he kissed you he must've had a g—good reason." Her stuttering was another key sign he was on the right track questioning her. There was no way Nick would keep any big secrets from Julienne.

"He asked me if it was different from kissing a girl and then asked if he could kiss me. It looked like he was experimenting but I know it was more than that. It wasn't like we were drunk and it was some mistake. Why doesn't he just tell me the truth?" Shane asked, his voice tight with anger and frustration. He wanted answers. He wanted to know if there was some truth to his suspicions. If there was some way they could....no that wasn't in the picture. The important thing right now would be finding Nick and making sure he was ok.

Julienne kept her eyes focused on the floor. "I don't know what you're talking about." She didn't want to be talking about this, or be put in such a bad spot.

Shane knew she was trying to be a good friend and keep whatever she knew to herself upon Nick's wishes but damn it, Shane wished she'd spill. There was something going on with Nick and it led to the kiss. "I need to talk to him but he's avoiding it." he was worried Nick was beating himself up over this. He had been honest in his message, it was ok, he wasn't going to hold it against him.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked, willing to help in that aspect.

"Try calling him, see if he's ok." Shane knew he should be angry for the way Nick handled the situation, but all he could feel was fear that he was somewhere hurting, somewhere blaming himself from something he couldn't change.

Julienne pulled out her phone and tried a few times calling him. "He's not answering. I'm going to go find him." she rushed out of him room with the same fear, that Nick might hurt himself rather than face reality.

### Chapter 12

It was dark now, the stars hanging high in the shy as Nick sat there alone. He wasn't all that surprised when he felt someone sit next to him and saw Julienne. She always knew he liked to go to the park to clear his mind. "What brings you by?" as far as he knew they didn't have any plans to meet up.

"You know why."

Nick suspected it when she first arrived. "You went by the apartment and Shane told you something, didn't he?" he asked, his voice full of defeat.

"You kissed him and he wanted me to tell him why but I didn't. I pretended I didn't know why you would do such a thing. I even told him you were into girls."

Nick laughed and the chuckles turned into cries. "I fucked up but I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know what it'd be like to kiss him." it all came down to his selfishness, his refused to go another minute without knowing the taste of his mouth, even knowing the consequences that were bound to follow.

"Just talk to him Nick, explain what you feel."

"No! That's the last thing I can do." He sighed and dried his cheeks. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Fine, but he's worried about you. You're going to have to go home and come up with something." Julienne said before agreeing to his wishes and dropping the subject. "It's pretty late but McDonald's is open, you want to get something to eat? Maybe a smoothie?"

He felt like crying again, sometimes he really didn't deserve a friend like her. "Yeah." He wasn't ready to go back home, he wanted to go when he was sure Shane would be asleep.

Together they left in his car; he wasn't sure how she got to the park because he knew she didn't drive. After killing an hour at the fast food restaurant and nervously eating more than he should, he drove her home knowing she had some early classes. He thanked her over and over for being such an awesome friend then slowly drove back to his apartment.

Nick wanted to kill as much time as possible so he took the stairs, one step for every other minute. It was past two o'clock that morning when he unlocked the door and stepped inside. He successfully made it to his room without running into Shane, like he hoped, Shane was asleep.

He took off his shoes and jeans then climbed into bed.

Shane was awake first that morning, he knew that after peaking into Nick's room and seeing him passed out on the bed. The same way he slept on the floor was the same way he slept in bed, his limbs all over the place. Shane was a little mad he waited so late to come home all to avoid him, he was happy to see he was all right too. After glancing at the clock Shane decided to wake him up, his class was in twenty minutes and there was no reason he be late for it.

"Nick, you're going to be late." Shane shook his shoulder a few times.

"Not going." Nick mumbled, still asleep.

"Good then we can talk." Shane was losing his temper as he saw Nick was asleep and ignoring him. It was no surprise Nick was tired since he got in a few hours ago. Shane refused to be the nice guy and leave him alone, being a nice guy was getting him nowhere. He ran his hand under Nick's shirt and across his back then his chest. Nick shot upright in bed, his green eyes wide and a little scared. "We need to talk." Shane said again, his anger front and center.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes there is, you were using my mouth so yeah I want answers. Why did you kiss me?" He wanted to know, he _needed_ to know. He barely slept last night wondering what Nick was feeling, if this was all just some stupid game.

Nick shrugged. "It didn't mean anything." If he was trying to hurt Shane he was doing a great job at it. "I was bored and curious I guess but it meant nothing so there, case closed." He got up, trying to run away again.

Shane wasn't letting him go and blocked his way. "You're a liar." The reasonable part of his soul knew Nick wasn't ready to admit the truth, he wasn't ready to accept being different and needed time but he also didn't care. He was hurting and wanted him to know it.

"Move." Nick growled.

Shane wasn't ready to let it go and enter Nick's pretend land where the kiss never happened. Shane moved over to the door, closed it and leaned back against it. "Now what?" they stared at each other both too stubborn to cave and actually talk about this. Shane left his shoulders fall from their tense position. He didn't know how to be the bad guy for long. "I could help you."

"With what?" Nick looked angry yet his voice was small.

"Figure out what you're feeling....why you'd kiss me."

Nick shook his head with fast jerky movements. "No."

"Because you already have it all figure out but you're just not willing to admit it." Shane said softly as all his anger faded and was replaced with sadness.

"I'm not gay." Nick was defensive.

"Sure, me either, I just have sex with guys because I'm bored."

Nick's eyes grew wide with shock and Shane felt like laughing, he would've if he wasn't so upset. "You're wrong."

"Ok," Shane pushed off the door and opened it. "We can play it like that and pretend nothing ever happened." his voice was condescending as he left and went back to his room.

Shane slammed the door and started pacing his room, it was still too early to get ready for school but he was too upset to actually try to lay back down.

His anger returned with new force, he was suddenly furious at Nick for doing this to him, for making him feel some hope where there was none. Why couldn't they just have stayed friends, why did he have to open this door then harshly slam it in his face?

Blinding anger turned into tears and Shane moved and sat on the bed.

The last boyfriend he had was Scott almost a year ago, he went on dates and here there since but nothing serious. His huge mistake with Scott still burned him and he wasn't ready to let someone in. But the problem was, with Nick he had let him in from the beginning as a friend, as a roommate, and now knowing there was a chance it could be more left Shane felt liking a love sick puppy.

Nick was in denial, there was no question about that anymore. Shane wanted to find a way to get Nick out of that denial and show him he didn't have to be scared. He had told Nick he'd go on and pretend that kiss never happened but he lied, there was no forgetting it.

### Chapter 13

Nick went through his classes feeling like a zombie. He felt like he died and no one told him yet. He went back to masterfully avoiding Shane, that was until the class they shared and they were forced to sit next to each other for an hour.

Shane must've been pissed because he didn't look his way once. Nick wasn't going to let that hurt his feelings, after all Shane was only doing what he asked.

Mr. Tyler announced it was time for another slideshow and then turned off the lights. There was a moment of complete darkness before the projector started, in that small moment Shane reached under the table and grabbed his hand. Two days ago Mr. Tyler had everyone push their desks together, again for project purposes. Nick thought maybe the universe was trying to torture him.

Nick felt his heart jump and run all around his chest but he didn't pull his hand free. He let himself have this small comfort in the dark. Shane's hand was slightly larger and incredibly warm over his.

The nice feeling changed into something much more carnal when Shane moved his hand.

The older boy moved his hand from Nick's down his thigh; he squeezed lightly and kept moving upward. Nick jumped when that large warm hand moved across his shaft.

"Mr. Sheldon, is there a problem?" the teacher asked, annoyed with the interruption to his speech he prepared with the slides.

"No, sir." His voice squeaked, as the speech started back up Nick turned and looked at Shane to find him staring ahead as if he was paying attention to class. Nick swallowed hard and told himself to forget the whole thing, if he tried to confront Shane that would only lead to more questions on the older boy's part.

The rest of the class went by painstakingly slow. Nick tried to keep all his senses on the teacher and nowhere else. Eventually class was over and Nick gathered his things, waiting for the rest of the day to be over with. Shane left first so Nick decided to hang back until the classroom cleared out to avoid running into him.

When he left the room the halls were pretty empty now as everyone rushes to their next class or lunch. It was easy for Shane to spot Nick and even easier for him to pull him into the empty bathroom.

Nick's heart was racing all over again, why can't Shane just leave him alone? "What are you doing?"

"I decided I don't want to play the nice guy and give you space and all that shit." Shane really was mad when he resorted to cursing. "I refuse to pretend that kiss didn't happen either or the way you let me hold your hand." As Shane spoke he cornered Nick against the bathroom door.

Nick was starting to get scared, not of Shane, he could never be scared of Shane hurting him because deep down he was such a nice guy, but Nick was scared of his own feelings. "I have to go."

"No, you don't." Shane laid his hands on either side of the door, successfully trapping Nick between his arms. "You have lunch now; your next class isn't for another hour."

Nick sighed and avoided the blue eyes in front of him; Shane leaned back enough to put them at the same height. "And?"

"And I want to....talk." Shane emphasized on that last word before his face came even closer, nuzzling the exposed side of Nick's neck. He dropped his right hand from the door and slid it across Nick's stomach.

Nick felt his muscles shaking, his toes curling inside his sneakers from such a simple action, but Shane's touch was magical and there was no hiding how it made him feel.

"Nick...." Shane opened his mouth and dragged his teeth down the length of his neck.

Nick's arms were worthless at his sides; he couldn't move to save his life right now. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I want you, is that message coming across?" Shane racked his nails against the sensitive skin along Nick's ribs. "I've had a crush on you since that first day I saw you sitting in Mr. Tyler's class. I thought well nothing could happen but he's a cool guy and we can be friends." Shane lifted his head and made sure Nick saw his eyes. "Then you kissed me." he said the words like an accusation.

"It was a mistake." Nick had to keep saying that so he wouldn't forget it either, it was a mistake he couldn't make again, no matter how much Shane liked him. But deep down he was jumping for joy to know someone as amazing like Shane would be interested in him.

Shane groaned and rested his hands on Nick's hips. "No it wasn't, would it be that bad to admit it?"

Nick felt his eyes growing hot with tears. "Yes."

Shane stepped back, his eyes laced with sorrow. "How long do you plan on running from who you are?"

Free from his towering body, Nick turned around and walked out of the bathroom. He kept walking until he was out of the school and inside his car. He wanted to turn back a few times to see if Shane followed him but he refused the urge. One way or another, he had to stop giving into Shane and into his own selfish desires.

Shane would've laughed at this strange turn of events if he was in any laughing mood. He walked through the family house, said a quick hello to his mother and continued upstairs where he knew Michael was.

"What brings you to my kingdom?" Michael asked.

"I need some advice."

This gained Michael's full attention, he sat up in bed where he had been reading for school and tossed the book aside. "Talk about role reversal. What would you need help with?" normally he was the one tracking Shane done in need of advice, never had he come to him before.

"So there's this guy." Shane couldn't say it was Nick and violate his trust that way, when Nick was ready to come out he had to do it for himself and Shane hoped that time was soon. "He knows I like him and I know he likes me but he isn't welling to give us a try. I'm thinking a healthy dose of jealously might wake him up."

"And since I'm a master conniver you come to me? I think I might cry." He sniffed and threw his arms around his brother. "You like me you really like me!"

Shane sighed and knew better than anyone else it was a rare day in hell when Michael could be serious. "I love you. Now get off of me."

Michael sat back in his bed with a huge smile. "My boy's all grown up and finally deciding to play dirty. To make someone jealous you have to have someone else willing to play along or be willing to break that other person's heart when they find out you really don't want them. Do you have a guy in mind to play the role?"

"You know Brent right?"

"The guy who works with dad and when he comes over he drools over you?" Michael made an ugly face. "You don't want to give your stalker too much hope."

"He's not a stalker; he's just bad at hiding his crush."

"Dude, you don't want a Fatal Attraction thing."

"What is with you and that movie? Forget it. The only other guy showing me attention is Scott." Shane pointed out bitterly.

Michael's eyes darkened. "What do you mean?" he was the only one besides their mother who knew how bad his relationship with Scott was.

"His sister told me he wanted to speak and then he came up to me at the grille but I was with Nick and he pretended we were involved to get Scott to go."

"Nick is a good friend to everyone." Michael said distantly as his anger continued to soar. "If that fucker touches you again I'm going to kill him." there was no hiding this hate for Scott.

"Michael—"

"Nope, you're not talking me out of this time, I'm not in high school anymore and I'm not a kid anymore. If he lays a hand on you I will fucking kill him." with his eyes continuing to darken and the tension around his shoulders, there was no denying he was dead serious.

Shane's shoulders fell as his mood went from bad to worse. "He was my mistake and I can handle it."

"Nope." Michael kept shaking his head. "Once you lied to me about what was happening and I had to overhear it from mom, you lost the right to tell me to sit back." Acting as stubborn as only he knew how, he crossed his arms and set his jaw. "We're not talking about it anymore but if he hurts you again and you lie abut it, I might have to kill you too. Now back to this new guy you like, is he worth it?"

"Yeah." Shane whispered. "He would never hurt a fly. He's sweet and too caring at times," he thought of the reasons Nick should be mad at the world and how instead he smiled though it and tried to make everyone else happy. "he's scared to admit the truth even though it's, I'm, staring him in the face."

"I've never heard you talk about someone like this, are you sure it's not more than that?"

"You mean am I in love with him?" Shane didn't have to search internally to figure out the answer. It's been staring him in the face for a few days now. "I probably am or really close to it."

### Chapter 14

That Tuesday as Shane sat with his brother in his room, their mother announced she was in the mood to cook and was inviting some people over. Shane and Michael looked at each other and both had the same thought; has she gone nuts? Sure she hosted many dinners in the past but she never, ever, willingly cooked.

"Oh and Shane?" his mother turned around and peeked back in the room. "Your father is bringing Brent along." She left.

Michael started laughing. "Mom is trying to set you up, no wonder she's trying to be chipper." He kept laughing and fell back on his side.

"If that isn't a sign I don't know what is. You know she's going to invite Julienne and her mom too." The wheels in his head started to spin again.

"Yeah, so she'll have someone to complain to."

Shane needed Julienne to invite Nick along so this plan could get started. "Is she coming over before that?"

Michael's eyebrows rose. "Why the sudden need to see my girlfriend?" he asked innocently, he knew even if Shane was straight he'd never go after his own brother's girl.

"She's been helping me with my problem too." That was the truth.

"You told her about your crush before me? And here I thought we were bonding."

"I came to you for advice first, relax and call her, make something up about how you need to see her."

Michael smirked and Shane knew that smirk meant something very dirty. "I always need to see her."

"Spare my sanity and call her but don't tell her it's about me."

"Watch the master work." He grabbed his phone and pressed speed dial. "Can you come over? No, I'm not trying to get in your pants...yet. It's important; yes I find things besides sex important. I need to see you now, I have this big project my mom gave me and I'm clueless. She's having one of those dinners and since Shane isn't around, she's making me her new gay son."

Shane put his hand over his mouth and tried not to laugh, with every word his brother said he looked so dead serious and heartbroken. He should get into acting.

"Julienne, please don't make me dress the table alone and please don't subject me into helping her pick out an outfit tonight." A few seconds later he shut the phone and smiled. "She's on her way."

"That was some impressive lying."

"I have a degree in bullshit."

"And when she finds out it's all a lie?"

"No, no, no. The first rule of any lie is you never admit the truth, that lie becomes your truth and you believe it with everything you have."

Shane suddenly thought back to Nick, he had been living a lie so long and forced to believe his feelings were wrong and let that lie becomes his truth.

Michael continued. "When she gets here, you'll happen to be here too and ask her whatever the hell you want. When that's going on, I'll offer to help mom and bam Julienne and me are doing girly crap."

Shane shook his head. "It'd be really messed up if it wasn't so perfect." He never agreed with his brother's lies and manipulation but today it was coming in handy, he had to shut up about the wrongs of it.

Julienne arrived, joining them in the bedroom, Michael kissed her hello and quickly made some excuse about having to use the bathroom.

Shane didn't waste time. "My mom is doing one of her dinners, I need you to invite Nick and make sure he comes."

"Why?"

He didn't have a degree in bullshit and decided if he needed her help, again, he had to be honest. "I want to make him jealous. I tried seducing him and it didn't pan out too well." he admitted, his shoulders shrugging awkwardly from embarrassment.

Her grey eyes opened wide with shock. "You seduced him?"

"Not as well as I could've, it was in the school bathroom." Shane knew if he had cornered Nick at home where there was no running, he would've went a lot farther to push Nick's buttons. "I think Nick and I could be really good together."

"Me too." She agreed weakly, not fully ok going behind her friends back.

"Then help me make him realize he's screwing this up because he's too scared to admit the truth. I'm not asking him to come out to the whole world, I just want him to be honest with me." Shane explained, putting his heart on the line for a plan he knew was stupid. He was at the end of his rope and didn't know what else to try.

"Ok, I'll call him but I don't know if this will work."

"Me either but I'm out of ideas short of locking him in my room and doing dirty things to him." he said honestly, it had been a serious contender until he thought of jealously.

She laughed. "You sound like Michael, let's hold off on that for now."

Nick didn't know how exactly Julienne roped him into going to the Gregorys. One minute they were talking at the park, next she asked him for a ride, and now he was inside their house. Shit, he mentally cursed, there was nowhere for him to turn and runaway to.

He hoped maybe Shane was at the apartment but that hope was quickly put out when he saw him and Michael coming downstairs.

Mr. Gregory came out of the kitchen with a young man who looked around his late twenties with shaggy brown hair and deep brown eyes. He was nice looking but something was missing. There was no wow. When Shane walked into the room there was lots of wow and that wasn't lost on this stranger. He smiled brightly and nearly goofy.

Mr. Gregory introduced the man as Brent Collins who apparently worked for him as his personal assistant. "Michael and Shane, you remember Brent."

Brent jumped at the chance to shake their hands, he held on longer to Shane's and it was obvious to everyone he liked him. Nick noticed Mrs. Gregory smiling and felt his stomach drop, she was trying to set Brent and Shane up and worst of all; Shane didn't seem to mind.

Nick quietly laughed as he stood off to the sides, this was going to be an interesting night.

"Are you upset?" Julienne whispered at his side.

"No, was that the point? He can like whomever he wants to like." He said, realizing the edge to his voice that came along with the lie. Was he jealous of Shane showing someone attention, yes of course, but was he furious and betrayed? No, Shane had his rights and if he wanted Brent then he could have him.

### Chapter 15

Nick wasn't dense, he knew what Shane was trying to do and that made it funny because Shane was the one uncomfortable with Brent hanging onto his every move. Nick hung in the background highly amused watching Shane and Brent.

"Your mom is a fantastic cook." Brent complimented as dinner wrapped up, the parents stayed in the kitchen gossiping and cleaning up while everyone under thirty was banished to the living room.

"Yeah." Shane said with a forced smile trying to be polite.

"So your dad told me you moved out and got your own place, that must be exciting." Brent kept talking.

Shane glanced around the room and let his eyes stay on Nick. "Sometimes but my roommate can be a pain in the ass."

Nick wasn't hiding his amusement; he waved and mocked Shane before grabbing his can of soda and heading outside. The fun was nice while it lasted but he needed some fresh air. He wanted to go home and curl up in bed and he would've if Julienne was keeping him here hostage until she was ready to go, seeing as he was her ride back home to her mom's place.

He walked down the porch and around the side of the house to lean and gaze up at the stars. It was a nice night out, he wished desperately his mood could match it. The night was going fairly good and that didn't matter, there was always this ball of fear in the pit of his gut he couldn't get rid of.

"Way to be a friend; leaving me in there with motor mouth." Shane stepped outside and found him around the side of the porch.

"And I thought I talked a lot."

"When you do it there is actually a point and it's kind of cute. Brent's pushing my buttons and it's like this every time he's over." Shane ran his left hand back and forth over his short dark hair.

"So you thought, he already worships you it wouldn't hurt to use him to make me jealous? The plan didn't work."

"Why would you think it was a plan?"

"Every time you talked to him or touched him you made sure I was looking. You can like and date whoever you want." Nick said with all honestly, he knew even if it bothered him he couldn't tell Shane how to live his life.

"Really? So if I left here and took Brent home, you'd be fine with that?" They stared at each other, green on blue, neither saying a word until Shane spoke first. "Fine then, I might try that."

"You'd really sleep with this guy to get under my skin?"

"That's the question; would it bother you?"

Staring up into his damn pretty blue eyes Nick felt his resolve slipping away. "Yes." He whispered.

"There," Shane's voice dropped just as low. "That's what I wanted you to say." He ran his fingers down the side of Nick's face. "You owe me a kiss."

Nick's heart rate started to jump but he didn't move, he never could push Shane away. "Why?"

"You kissed me and I didn't get to return the favor." Shane wasn't waiting any time; he leaned in and laid his lips over Nick's.

As soon as their lips touched Nick felt his groin tighten with need. He kissed Shane back, there was no trying not to, with him this close there was no denying his feelings anymore. His hand gripped the front of Shane's shirt and pulled him closer like a burst of water needed to calm the fire around his body.

Shane's hands were slightly cold as he moved him up Nick's waist from the breeze outside. He moved his hands all around his chest, sending all of Nick's thoughts to a corner somewhere to wait until he was of sound mind again.

Shane's hands moved lower next and kept going south until they were at his jeans. Nick wore them baggy and it was rather easy for Shane to slip his hand inside.

Nick gasped and turned his head away from the kiss. He didn't know what to do with himself as Shane touched him so intimately. "Stop...stop...stop..."

"You don't want me to." Shane said full of confidence as he moved his hand at a painfully slow speed up and down.

"Yes I do..." he groaned as everything started to build up high and higher. "I—" he was silenced by Shane kissed him again.

"Hey, Shane, you out here?" Brent was asking from what sounded like the top of the porch.

Shane's hand and mouth froze, his eyes opened and looked right into Nick's and found Nick's green eyes laced with panic and fear of getting caught. Slowly Shane pulled himself free and stepped away. "Yeah, what's up?" he walked away from the side of the house into the open front lawn. "It's chilly out here, let's go inside."

Alone, Nick slide to the ground and rested his head on his knees. He couldn't believe everything that just happened and how damn good it felt. With no one around to judge him, he let himself relive those few moments with Shane. He was such a good kisser, he knew how to go slow with a tantalizing skill that made you wish it never ended.

So not only did Shane look like a natural born model, he also knew how to please. Nick was getting sick of him being so darn perfect, had he ever made a mistake in his perfect little life?

It didn't matter if he was perfect or not, Nick was getting into deep trouble with him with every moment they spend together. He couldn't fall any deeper than he already was; he might not survive.

### Chapter 16

Eventually the dinner party ended and Nick was allowed to finally get out of there. Inside the car and driving far from the Gregory residence, he asked, "What's going on? Did you force me to this thing because Shane asked you to?"

"What? No."

"Really?"

"Yes." Julienne wasn't the best liar out there, he heard her voice hesitate on that one simple word.

"I don't believe you." he pulled over on the deserted street. "Look me in the eye and tell me." Julienne stubbornly turned in her seat and looked him in the eye, she opened her mouth and nothing came out. "Exactly what I thought! How could you do that to me? You know I'm trying to stay away from him."

"You live together."

"Exactly, so this is already really hard. I don't leave because awkward sexual tension and all; it's better than my aunt's house. I'm not ready to admit the truth about myself, I'm not ready to enter to anything with Shane and it's unfair to string him along. I need him to move on." Nick confessed, it wasn't easy but it was the truth. He was a coward and he wasn't ready to come out of the shadows yet.

"Fine, but I don't agree with it. Shane thinks you can be good together."

Nick refused to acknowledge the pain in his chest. "Please let's stop talking about it." he started driving again and engrossed himself in the simple task.

"You know I love you and would do anything for you."

"Then the next time Shane mentions me to you, tell him I'm not interested. Tell him he needs to move on." As Nick said the words a plan started to form. "Maybe that's the ticket, he needs someone else."

"What are you thinking?" Julienne asked with a groan, she didn't like where his mind was headed.

"He needs someone else to focus on, someone who can return his feelings. Let's set him up." he knew it sounded crazy and pretty genius, it was the perfect plan.

"Like his mom tried tonight?"

"Yeah but with someone not as annoying as Brent, someone really hot." He grew excited; he finally found a way to get Shane off his back. It would bother him to see Shane with someone else but it'd be better than having to break his heart every day by denying him.

"You're really hot...."

"Julienne." it was his turn to groan.

"What? You are, I've always thought you were cute. It's a damn shame I was crazy in love with Michael and you were in the closet, we could've made a good couple." Julienne was painfully honest since receiving intensive therapy after her last suicide attempt. Her therapist advised her to talk as much as possible and keep nothing bottled up inside.

"Ok, I'd want you too if all that other stuff wasn't true." He agreed awkwardly.

"We're so Will and Grace."

Nick laughed. "Can we go back to my plan, please?"

"Ok fine, I'll go along with it only because it's you. Operation let's-find-Shane-a-hot-piece-of-ass-so-he-stops-hounding-yours is a go."

Nick laughed again, he was really rubbing off on her because that was something he'd totally say. "Any ideas?"

"There is this guy in my economics class who might fit the bill. He's really cute, the type you stare at just because. We hit it off and he told me he had to shatter my dreams and revealed he played for the same team. He's a cocky bastard too, because I do have Michael and wasn't staring because I was interested." Julienne explained, rambling the whole time. She went from barely talking a whole sentence in a week to this. He was happy to see it.

"Then why were you staring?"

"He's pretty! Not Shane or Michael hot but hot."

"It's so weird you have a thing for Shane too."

She groaned. "I don't."

"Right, anyway here we are, tell your mom I said hi."

"Whatever, sometimes you annoy the hell out of me."

"I love you too." They hugged goodbye and he watched her until she was safely inside before driving off. He drove slowly home knowing Shane would be there already. Hopefully this guy Julienne mentioned could be the key to get Shane to move on. Nick wanted to get back to the days he felt nothing sexual at all, where he focused on school and not much more. He preferred it that way.

Once at the apartment he was careful to be quiet as possible. Maybe his luck would be looking up and Shane would be in bed.

Or not.

"Is there a reason you're tiptoeing?" Shane asked from the kitchen opening, across the living room where Nick stood.

"I'm trying to strength my calves."

"I'm sure they look good just like the rest of you."

Nick swallowed back hard, holy shit Shane was bluntly flirting with him. "Early day tomorrow....so goodnight." He forced his feet to start moving only to freeze at Shane's next question.

"So you don't want to finish what we started outside my parents' house?"

"Ah..." he told himself to breathe, he couldn't faint and die on the floor now. "That was....a mistake." His hands started to shake and his damn feet wouldn't move.

"Right, do the lies get easier to believe if you say them enough?" There was an edge to Shane's voice, he was sick if playing this game and wasn't holding back anymore.

Nick frowned and hated himself for not being stronger. "When you touch me, I get weak but when I'm thinking straight I regret every moment shared between us." The words hurt to say and he knew it hurt Shane to hear. It had to be like this and in the long run Shane would understand.

"Thinking straight, interesting choice of words."

Nick didn't want to do this; he didn't want to hurt him more than necessary. He took a step forward and then another, soon he was in his room. He closed the door and sat back against it as assaulting tears stung his eyes.

"I'm not going to wait forever, Nick." Shane said before slamming the door to his own room.

Nick didn't want to hurt him or anyone else, it went against his gentle nature but as he kept trying to tell himself; it was better this way. Nick wouldn't be good for Shane, he knew that. He knew that because he wasn't ready to admit his truths and Shane could only put up with that for so long before wanting to get away.

Nick sat there alone and indulged in the urge to cry, he let the tears fall free silently. Sometime later, he got up and climbed into bed, only using enough energy to pull off his sneakers.

That next morning Shane was up first, he noticed Nick's door closed and that meant he was still asleep, he left it open when he wasn't there. Shane debated this, should he be the good guy and wake him up so he isn't late for school, or leave him alone and let him deal with his own problems?

Shane groaned and put his cup of coffee down on the table. It was a short walk to Nick's door. He opened it, hey it was unlocked, and found he was indeed right; Nick was sprawled out all over his twin size mattress.

"Nick!" he yelled not wanting to shake him awake or something like that, it was better if they didn't touch. He couldn't be held accountable for his actions if they did. "Nick!"

"Hmm?"

"You're going to be late if you don't get up now." Shane grew frustrated when he realized Nick was asleep again, didn't he go to bed early enough? He shrugged his shoulders and decided to go for a new tactic. Rationality only lasted so long.

Shane walked over to the bed and braced one knee in the mattress as he leaned down and kissed Nick. This would wake him up. He didn't care about morning breath; he didn't care about anything except feeling his lips against his own. He pulled back a little and looked down into Nick's wide green eyes. "You should've woken up when I called your name. Now look what you made me do."

"Uh...sorry?" Nick was panicking, his pretty eyes darted around the room looking for a way out of this.

Shane wasn't letting him out of this easily, nope. He threw his other leg around Nick and straddled him. "You're going to have to miss your class."

### Chapter 17

Nick's mind was spinning, he didn't know what to think, how did you have coherent thoughts when someone was on top of you and kissing you like there was no tomorrow? And not just someone, this was Shane Gregory, beautiful perfect Shane.

A small window opened and thoughts flew out, when Shane grabbed Nick's shirt and pulled it off. Nick held his hands out, keeping Shane from kissing him again. "I have to use the bathroom." He pushed Shane off his lap and dashed out of the bed.

"Nope." Shane grabbed his wrist before he could make it to the door, spun him around, and kissed him all over again.

The window shut and Nick was at his mercy again. He was thankful when he felt the wall at his back; he needed something to help him stay upright before his knees buckled. His shirt was gone and there was nothing in the way to stop Shane from touching him. Those large hands moved along his waist and chest with a feverish touch.

Nick knew this couldn't be happening, they couldn't keep doing this because soon they'd cross the line there was no turning back from, no denying. He lifted his hands but he couldn't push Shane away, he just couldn't. His hands gripped Shane's shirt and started kissing him back. Nick knew without a doubt this is what heaven felt like, it was all amazing sensations and delicious desires.

No heaven lasted forever.

"Holy shit." Those words acted like a cold glass of water. Shane and Nick separated to find Michael standing at the door with the definition of shock across his face. "This explains a few things."

Nick wanted the world to open and snatch him away from this moment of reality. He felt his body start to heat from embarrassment and fear. Shane stepped back and gave him a silent look that said something like 'don't worry' but it didn't register, nothing was going to stop Nick from freaking out. He stood there numb as Shane let the room and took Michael with him.

A minute later he snapped out of his daze and started getting dressed and gathering his school supplies. In record time he was ready and left his room, he pretended not to see Shane and Michael as he ran out the door.

Shane wanted to run and follow him but he knew Nick needed to be alone; he had pushed too much today anyway. He turned back to his brother. "Don't mention what you saw to him. He doesn't need your stupid jokes."

"I'm not that much of a prick. I've never made fun of you or anyone for being gay." Michael said defensively. He had made fun of a lot of people and had been a bully in high school but even with all that he had limits. Shockingly.

"Just don't mention it at all."

"Is he the guy you were telling me about? The one in denial? The one you might be in love with?" Michael was in a rare mode, there wasn't a sign of his signature humor or blunt attitude. He was being a brother.

"That's a lot of questions." Shane chuckled weakly, he walked over to the couch and sat. He felt hopeless. No matter what he tried, how he got Nick to respond, he always ran away and regretted their time together. There was but so much rejection he could handle before his heart shattered.

"It's a lot to wrap my head around. I never in a million years would've paired you two up or thought Nick wasn't as straight as I am. It makes sense though, he never liked Julienne that way and all these years he's never dated anyone." Michael voiced his thoughts out loud.

The secret was out and Shane could use someone to talk to who was on his side. As wonderful as Julienne was, she'd always look out for Nick first and keep his feelings hidden. "He won't admit it and I don't know what to do anymore. He keeps telling me the kiss was a mistake and what you walked in on was me trying to prove him wrong."

"Maybe it worked, that was pretty heated." He said with a cringe, no one wanted to walk in on their sibling making out with someone. Boy or girl.

"No, he'll try and tell me again it was a mistake. I'm really getting sick of hearing that word."

"You know what you have to do; use the same advice you gave me with Julienne. Show Nick it's serious and you aren't backing down, do something to show him how you feel but don't keep jumping him. Things aren't clear when hormones are in the air."

Shane stared at his brother and couldn't believe he was actually helping him with this. Somewhere along the lines, Michael had matured and actually had good advice to share.

Nick couldn't tolerate going to school; he couldn't put on a mask and pretend today was just like any other when it wasn't. Today would forever be inside his head, the today his life changed. The day he realized he was falling in love, a love he could never have.

He drove with nowhere in mind, he drove to clear his thoughts and hopefully if he drove far enough he'd find the answers out of his grasp.

### Chapter 18

Nick wanted to run away and he would've if he had somewhere to go, if he wasn't already busting his ass in school. He needed to graduate and find a stable income before he could run away. That was the part with being a responsible adult; he had never done anything on impulse...until he kissed Shane. Everything changed then.

His cell phone rang again from its spot on the passenger seat. It was probably Julienne again. She's being trying to talk to him for the last half hour. Shane and Michael probably involved her when he didn't show up for school.

Oh well, he thought bitterly, this was one time he couldn't involve his best friend. It wasn't her fault but she was close to everyone he needed to stay away from right now. He couldn't bare the thought of facing Michael after what he walked in on. He certainly couldn't see Shane either, it'd be best if they never saw each other again.

It sounded like a good idea; to stay away from Shane and the desires he made him feel. But when he thought about never seeing him again his heart ached in a pain he never knew before.

This was love and with love always came loss. He thought about that old saying _'Is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all?'_ right now Nick wished it could've never been at all. He was content not knowing what he missed by being alone, by hiding his secret. With Shane, he knew how good it could be and he had to run from it. It was cruel unimaginable torture.

He wished he wasn't such a coward. He was already out of his aunt's house, how bad could they really hurt him now? Why did it matter if they knew if he was gay or not? They already thought he was a useless disappointment.

Nick let out a long groan and rubbed his hands over his face. He needed a solution; going over all his crappy thoughts wasn't helpful now or later.

There was only really two options; go back to his aunt's house and suffer their abuse for a few more years until he graduated? Or go back to his apartment with Shane and fight like hell the attraction between them?

None of those worked at all because they weren't realistic. He couldn't go back to the abuse and he certainly couldn't fight the attraction.

Nick refused to move from this spot in his car until he found a third option.

Shane didn't like hounding people or making them uncomfortable but desperate times called for such measures. The person he was hounding was Julienne. She didn't know where Nick was and he wasn't answering his cell either. Shane believed she knew where he'd run to hide out.

"I don't." Julienne insisted again. "He likes to visit the park bench but only when it's not crowded with people."

It was just past two that afternoon and the park would be full of kids. "There has to be somewhere else." Shane couldn't give up, he had to find Nick. He wanted to tell him everything inside his heart and then if he still wasn't ready to give them a chance, Shane vowed to walk away and never bother him again.

"I can't think of anything. I'm sorry." Julienne was worried too; if there was something she could be doing to make sure Nick was ok she'd be doing it.

Michael grabbed his brother's arm. "Let's talk for a minute." He pulled him outside their parents' house where they could talk alone. "It's tacky and all, but send him a text. Tell him to give you a chance to say your piece and let him know you're willing to walk away. He doesn't have anywhere to go, I'm sure he'll be willing to work this out so you can stay roommates."

"I don't want to be roommates." Shane hated how out of control he felt. He couldn't fix this with Nick, he couldn't control his own emotions. Everything was lost.

Michael shrugged. "Maybe that's what you'll have to settle for. I know you want to be a friend first."

Shane didn't like to admit it but his brother was right. He was a friend to Nick first and foremost and because of that he didn't want him to suffer. He didn't want him to go back home with those hateful people or do something equally as stupid. "Ok."

Michael wished him luck before going back inside.

Shane sat on the porch step and pulled out his phone. He'd much rather put his heart on the line face to face except that didn't look like it'd be happening any time soon. He sucked it up and began typing out the words he hoped was enough to get Nick to listen. In the end he asked for the chance to be heard. At the end of the message he promised all he needed was a few minutes and after that he'd leave Nick alone.

As Shane waited for a reply he thought about what he was proposing. Could he really share a home with Nick and only be friends? He'd do it if he absolutely had to, because it meant Nick was safe and for that he was willing to sell his own soul.

Shane had never been an impulsive person, especially with his heart. He knew being different he had to be guarded against those wanting to do him damage. He thought Scott had been a safe choice to open his heart to and that had blown up in his face.

It took years for him to get out there again and date. None of those guys held his attention. There hadn't been a flicker of life inside his heart until Nick came alone with his easy charm and addicting lips. Nick, who was ripping him to pieces and didn't even know it, Nick, who he was steadily falling in love with even though everything humanly possible was stacked against them.

Shane took a deep breath and wiped his tears. He had to be strong.

His cell phone made the chirpy sound that let him know he had a new message. With his heart tight and stomach spinning Shane pressed the screen to read it. The message was short. Nick was willing to talk and gave the address of where he was at.

Shane wasn't happy because he knew deep down Nick was going to deny their relationship and want them to be strictly roommates with nothing more.

Shane wanted to be logical and prepare his heart for a letdown but as he hoped inside his car and drove, he couldn't shake the hope he had that Nick would surprise him and give them a chance at something real.

### Chapter 19

Nick was parked at a bluff near the docks. He sat watching the waves crash into the sand in hopes the movement would prevent him from thinking about everything he was trying to forget.

It was chilly out and because of that no one got on their boats or visited the beachy land to have fun. It was empty now and perfect for the mood Nick was in. He wanted to be alone and out here he was. For now. Shane was on his way so they could talk. The thought of seeing him after what happened this morning had Nick's stomach in a knot.

It was like physical torture to have that person you wanted so close only to have to deny them and your own feelings. He kept trying to convince himself it was better this way but there was a huge lump of doubt, his own heart, telling him he was wrong.

His heart raced as he heard the sound of a car coming closer; out the rearview mirror he saw it was indeed Shane. "Be strong." Nick murmured to himself over and over before Shane got into the passenger seat.

Shane pulled open the unlocked door and climbed inside. He appeared to be nervous about this meeting too, as he glanced everywhere but at Nick's direction. "Are you ok?" he asked first.

Nick was having the opposite problem, he couldn't tear his eyes away from Shane's face. "Yeah. What did you tell Michael?" he hated to admit he was terrified over what Michael would do or say with the information he found out that morning. Sometimes Michael was a good guy and other times, not so much.

"I told him the truth about how I feel about you. Michael would never hold something like this against you. He was offended when I told him to leave you alone just in case. He actually has been helping me with trying to get through to you."

Nick couldn't believe that one, it seemed even after all these years there were still layers to Michael Gregory to be unshed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't go liking a guy everyday just for the sake of doing it. I'm pretty guarded with my heart and my brother knew off the bat how serious this was for me."

Nick felt like scum as he listened to Shane pour his heart out, to hear without a doubt how much he cared for someone like him. "Why?" this time he couldn't go ignoring his thoughts. "I'm a world class mess, why do you feel anything for me?"

Shane managed to bring his focus to Nick's face. "You're amazing. You could make anyone fall in love with you just with a smile. I was content focusing on school and hanging out with my family but then you came along and I realized I missed having a friend. I was content with that too, just being your friend. I thought you were cute the first time I laid eyes on you when we were all getting ready for Michael and Julienne's graduation."

Nick remembered that day, it had been the first time he laid eyes on Shane and he had been shocked speechless. He knew Michael's brother would have to be good looking but he hadn't been ready for the beauty to behold him that day. He remembered Julienne tightening her grip around his waist because she thought he was worried Shane might try to tease him or something. His best friend never knew the frantic hurricane of nerves and excitement that coursed through him during that short moment he met Shane for the first time.

Shane continued. "I was relieved when I saw you in Mr. Tyler's class. Like you said, we hadn't talked much or gotten to know each other but it was nice having someone there I knew even if it was in passing."

"I couldn't stop staring at you." Nick confessed weakly.

"I didn't notice."

"I wanted to pass out when Mr. Tyler partnered us."

"I remember thinking you were mad because of it since you were trying to avoid me the whole time. Until I asked you if I had done something to bother you."

"I thought you were an idiot for thinking something could be wrong with you." Nick shook his head at the memory. "There isn't a person on this plant who wouldn't like you."

"You don't like me." Shane whispered painfully.

Nick's heart tightened with regret and sorrow. "You know that's not true."

"You run every time we try to have a real talk or we end up in some compromising position I force us in to. I'm sure you're attracted to me because you kiss me back but I can't get you to admit anything except that you want me to stay away from you." he brought his bright blue eyes back to Nick's green ones. "Why did you kiss me that first time?"

They were being honest with each other, having that talk Shane had desperately wanted to have all this time. Nick refused to run from it anymore. "I couldn't take it anymore. I was staying away all those days because it was hell being that close to you all the time. You came to the book store and pointed out we had to get working on our project."

"I tried for days before that to figure out why you kept coming home only to sleep. I kept trying to find what I did to offend you."

"You never did anything wrong." Nick tried to blink back all the tears trying to fall free. "I got home and there you were working out nearly naked. I swear I had a heart attack. Then we were so close in your room and I couldn't get the fantasy of kissing you out of my head. I needed to know how it'd feel."

"I thought you were using me to experiment on and I was pissed off about it, but not enough to tell you no."

"You should've." Nick said, realizing if they had never had that first kiss they wouldn't be in all the trouble they were in now. It would've saved a lot of heartache for sure.

"No, I don't regret it. I have a crush on you Nick and I was being selfish too because I wanted to know just as badly what it'd be like to kiss you. After you ran and I thought about it more and more, I knew it was real for you too." He ran his hands over his face, struggling with his own emotions. "I knew I should give you time to figure it all out but I was sick of being the nice guy. I was mad at you for giving me hope for something I had convinced myself could never be."

"I don't get it. I can't understand why out of all the people in this world, you'd be hung up on me." Nick said. He wasn't fishing for compliments, he honestly couldn't understand. Shane deserved so much better and it was out there for him.

"You got under my skin and try as hard as I might, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I became obsessed when I realized you could feel the same way about me. I guess that's how love is. You're not supposed to be able to explain it away." Shane explained simply with a shrug of his shoulders. He wasn't holding back either, any thought in his head was pouring out of his mouth.

Nick's breath caught in an audible gasp. "Love?"

Shane chuckled weakly as he realized how much he revealed "In this last month I've tried to be rational but I couldn't. Every second of the day I found myself falling harder and harder for you. But," he reached across the seat and held Nick's hand. "I know better than you might think, I know this has to be done at your own pace. I can't force you into a lifestyle you're not ready for and when you're ready, you might find it won't be me you want to start it with."

Nick's head was spinning, he didn't know what to say or feel anymore. He understood what Shane was saying because he felt the same, there was a right and wrong he felt should be followed but try as he might, there was so much outside of those lines he wanted. "Shane..." no one had ever told him they loved him before. He never heard it from his family or someone he had dated, he heard it from Julienne but that wasn't the same as hearing it from Shane. Hearing it from someone he could spend the rest of his life with and die happy.

"I don't like it but I'm willing to deal with us being friends or just roommates. I won't push anymore for you to give us a chance." His tears gave him away; everything he was saying wasn't what he wanted.

"Shane." Nick pulled at his hand and leaned in close to the passenger seat. For the first time since this rollercoaster began, he made the first move to kiss Shane. His lips and body were trembling but he refused to pull away from the desire brewing so thick inside the closed space of the car.

Shane was tense at first, unsure what all of this meant, before kissing him back.

Nick wanted to tell him he had agreed to this meet with one goal in mind only to throw it out the window. He didn't want to deny Shane anymore; he didn't want to deny his own feelings of want and love. After everything Shane said he would've been a fool to turn him down again.

He refused to do it anymore; he was going to stop trying to live his life the way someone else wanted. He wanted Shane and by some miracle, Shane wanted him too. From now on Nick was going to put all his focus on making that happen.

### Chapter 20

Nick was on cloud nine. He couldn't have imagined how amazing it could feel to be honest with yourself and the person you care about. There was nothing standing in their way when it came to loving each other. Neither knew what was waiting for them out there in the real world but when it came to each other, there was no more running. For the first time since Nick could remember life, he felt safe. There in Shane's arms and presence he felt protected. He hoped Shane felt the same way.

Over the next several hours they talked and sometimes more than talked.

"We should probably get back home." Shane suggested, his mouth still kissing at Nick's neck. "Julienne's been worried about you."

Nick was dizzy with lust and couldn't honestly recall what Shane had just said. He had his hand buried under Shane's shirt and let his hands feast on the beautiful sculpted body hidden beneath those pesky clothes.

"Nick, did you hear me?" Shane lifted his head, his blue eyes were several shades darker.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want." He plastered his mouth against Shane's and kissed him with all his might. It didn't matter they had been making out and feeling each other up for the last few hours, it wasn't enough. Nick didn't think it'd ever be enough.

Shane's control wasn't much better even though he was the most experienced between the two of them. He gave in a hundred percent to the kiss, his mouth just as feverish and hungry.

They stilled when a cell phone rang. "It's yours." Nick figured out first.

"Right." Shane untangled himself from Nick and reached inside his pants pocket to fish out the phone. "It's Michael." He contemplated not answering and grabbing Nick again, but he didn't have the heart to leave his brother hanging. "Hello?"

"Finally." Michael said around a sigh of annoyance. "Julienne's been trying Nick for the last half hour and this is my third call to you."

"Really?" He hadn't heard the phone before now. "I think Nick has his off." He looked at the boy in question and watched while Nick searched for his own cellphone. It was on the car floor and indeed off.

"Does that mean you're together?" Michael asked next, his annoyance quickly gone and replaced by something Shane could only describe as evocative. "It has been a few hours since you left. I thought you were somewhere crying your eyes out but it sounds like some other type of crying out is going on."

Shane blushed and hated that he had done so. "Shut up." he was never as comfortable as Michael talking about sex.

"Should we send out rescue teams or is everything ok?"

Shane stared at Nick who was curious about what they were talking about. "It's better than ok."

"Aww my brother and my girlfriend's best friend, this is all so sweet."

"You can be an ass, do you know that?"

Michael laughed. "Yeah, yeah, stop talking to this ass and go get a piece of ass." He hung up.

Shane hoped he wasn't the shade of a ripe tomato. "They won't worry about us anymore." He replaced the phone back inside his pocket. Now that more than a minute had passed giving them to breathe Shane wasn't sure what he should be doing next.

Nick looked flushed but also back in his right mind with his lust tucked securely away. "We should get out of here before some sea creature decides to have us for dinner." The sun was already setting and every minute it was getting darker.

They agreed to leave Shane's car and pick it up tomorrow. They didn't want to be away from each other as long as it would take to drive back home. "Speaking of dinner, are you hungry?" he hadn't eaten anything all day.

Nick flashed a dazzling smile Shane's way before focusing his eyes back on the rode. "For you or for food?"

Shane smiled like a kid in a candy store, it felt amazing to have Nick openly flirting with him. He was terrified Nick would back away again and come up with yet another reason they couldn't be together. "Food...for now."

"I haven't had any sugar today so the answer is yes."

Nick drove them to a drive thru fast food joint where they placed their orders and decided to park and eat their food. They were both on the same page about wanting to spend time with each other with no one else interrupting. The car was their safe haven until they could get back to their apartment.

It was Nick who broke the silence first. "This feels surreal."

"I know what you mean." Shane's heart hadn't stopped racing since the first kiss Nick planted on him earlier.

"I'm kinda worried you'll regret it." Nick busied himself with pulling the pickles free from his burger.

"I've been trying for weeks to get you to give us a chance, why would I regret it?" Shane ignored his food and focused only on Nick's face. These were the types of talks they needed to have in order for their relationship to have a healthy start.

"Because you could do better?" Nick shrugged. "You're this amazing perfect guy with an amazing family, you do well in school, and you look like you stepped out of the pages of GQ or something. I can't think of something about you that isn't perfect." He was feeling inadequate.

"No." Shane reached across and took his hand securely in his. "I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. We all make mistakes Nick."

"My parents didn't want me, my aunt and uncle hate me. You don't understand what it is to hate yourself." Nick's jaw set in a hard line, his hands sat motionless in his lap forgetting about the nearby food.

Shane heart sank. "Yes I do. It's not your fault; it's theirs for not willing to see how amazing you are. The same way it wasn't my fault for what happened with Scott. I blamed myself for a long time, years even."

Nick's resolve lessened as his shoulders fell and he returned Shane's stare. "What happened? Scott's the guy from the grill right, your ex?"

Shane didn't like talking about this but he knew he had to be honest with Nick, it'd help their relationship strengthen. "Yeah. We dated for a long time, I loved him and I let that love cloud what I knew was right and wrong. I blamed myself all the time like you're doing now. I felt like I wasn't good enough for so long, too long. Abusers are never right Nick."

He understood what Shane was saying even though he couldn't say the words. "I used to tell Julienne all the time the problem was never with us but with the other person because they didn't know how to fix what's wrong in their own lives."

"You're right and now you need to believe it for yourself. It's their loss not having you in their lives. I don't want it to be my loss. I meant everything I said today and then some." Shane confessed. "You have to stop thinking you're not enough because to me you're pretty damn perfect too."

Nick nodded and offered the best smile he could with all the emotion welling up behind his eyes. "We should eat this before it gets too cold. I didn't get to say it earlier but I love you too."

Shane didn't know how to stop staring at him. It was as if time stopped and this was the moment he wanted to relive forever and ever.

Nick picked at his food again, his eyes on the beef patty. "You don't think it's too soon?"

Shane didn't hesitate. "No, not for us. When it's meant to be, it doesn't take too long to figure it out."

Epilogue

6 months later....

Shane sat on their living room couch waiting for Nick. He was used to his boyfriend taking a long time to get ready. He flipped through a magazine and knew it'd be at least another half hour and he had already been sitting there for some time already.

He looked up from the magazine when he heard someone coming through the front door. His brother was the only person with a key. "Where's lover boy?" Michael asked as he looked around and saw no sign of Nick.

Julienne stepped out from behind Michael. "In the bathroom right?" he knew her best friend better than anyone else in the world.

"Yup." Shane answered as he took in what Julienne and Michael decided to wear to their mothers' gala. Michael cleaned up nicely in a simple black and white tux. Julienne's dress was black to match her date's attire. "He's extra nervous." tonight was going to be the first time Shane and Nick stepped out in public as boyfriends. Shane's family knew and was very happy and supportive of them. They continued to keep their relationship private at school and in public to give Nick time to get comfortable accepting the fact he was different from society's corrupt image of perfect.

"He shouldn't be that freaked." Michael said. "Mom's running this thing and I think she'll knife anyone who dares talk smack about you or your man."

Shane laughed. "That's a nice visual."

"He watches too many violent movies." Julienne said.

"Nothing compares to _Fatal Attraction_ and the way that poor bunny gets it." Michael said stone cold serious.

Shane shook his head. "You and that movie."

Nick was nervous to the point he was ready to puke. He wanted tonight to go well for Shane more than anyone else. After putting up with his insanities and never once abandoning him Shane deserved the moon and then some.

For tonight Nick decided he was going to change it up. He knew Shane loved him the way he was and attracted to his outrageous fashion sense but sometimes a little normal never hurt anyone.

He washed the temporary green dye from his hair and left it its natural light brown shade combed back away from his eyes. Tonight his green eyes were eyeliner free, his goatee and sideburns trimmed down, and instead of all his piercings he only wore the ring in his nose and the one in his ear.

He couldn't get rid of everything; he'd feel too naked and like a different person. He wasn't doing this to be a different person; he was doing this to be another version of himself. With Shane, he didn't feel the incessant need to hide behind his outrageous style. He felt for the first time in a very long time like he was simply himself, no one else, and it was time to show _that_ side of him. No more hiding. That was the motto of the night.

He adjusted his jacket and cufflinks one more time before taking a good look in the mirror. If he did say so himself, he looked pretty damn good. He was wearing a black tux with a light blue shirt and tie. He had been attracted to the color because it reminded him of Shane's eyes.

There was nothing left to do but get out there and face the music but Nick's feet weren't moving. He was nervous over Shane's reaction; he hoped he liked his look for tonight. No, he hoped for a lot more than just liking it.

Nick took an extra minute to reflect over the last six months. It scared him how happy he had been during these months; it was as if for the first time he was truly breathing. He didn't have to fear anymore being talked down to or abused for not fitting that perfect stereotypical mode.

He didn't have the parents he wanted to support him but he had Shane's family and Julienne and her mother, it took him a long time to realize they were all he needed. They were his family. He wanted to make them all proud and everyday he stopped trying to be someone other than himself, he was doing just that.

He started to get excited about getting out there tonight and facing the last of his fears head on. Looking in the mirror he smiled at that scared little guy he used to be and banished him away, because tonight there was no more running away. No more denying his truth or the love he felt for Shane Gregory.

He opened the bathroom door and continued down to the living room where he knew Shane was waiting. He wasn't surprised to see Michael and Julienne were also waiting. They all had agreed days ago to ride together to the gala.

"Whoa." Julienne gasped as she look in his look for the night. "And here I thought you couldn't get more gorgeous. If you were straight, I might have to run away with you to Vegas and marry you."

Michael groaned. "Gee thanks honey."

Julienne wrapped her arm around her boyfriend's waist. "You should be happy everyday Nick doesn't want me because I would leave you." she teased.

"You stay for the sex." Michael said.

"You're right." Julienne managed to keep a straight face, she was getting much better at ranking Michael's chain without laughing. Sometimes he wondered if it was really all a joke.

Nick ignored his friends and focused all his attention on Shane. "Well?" he spread his arms and let him get a better look.

Shane smiled. "You look amazing but you didn't have to—"

"I know but I wanted to. I didn't want to hide behind anything tonight; I wanted to be here a hundred percent for you." Nick tried to ignore all the butterflies in his stomach. He wasn't scared of his decision, he was simply nervous of the unknown.

"Aww."

"Shut up Michael." Shane said to his brother without tearing his eyes away from Nick. "You can wear a paper brown bag for the rest of time and I'll still think you're the most beautiful man in the world."

Nick blushed. "That's just because you're delusional." He walked farther into the room to stand in front of Shane and grabbed his hand securely in his own. "Ready to go?"

Shane openly let his darkening blue eyes roam Nick from head to toe. "Maybe we could be a little late."

Nick mocked outrage. "I spent hours ironing this damn suit and I'm sure your mom might blow a gasket if we're any later."

"Yup." Michael added. His mother had told all of them they couldn't be late or dare think about not showing up. She was nervous about this event and wanted her family's support, whether they wanted to give it or not.

"You can have your way with me later." Nick promised as they all headed toward the elevator.

"Ah my virgin ears." Michael cried out.

"You can't even spell virgin." Shane said. "You've been a man whore since you were born."

Nick laughed and took a second to enjoy this simple moment. He never thought any of this would happen. Here he stood with his best friend in the world, she was happy against all odds and so was he, standing in the arms of a man he still couldn't believe loved him. A man he called his own.

Nick thought back to those days he'd find Julienne crying or when he'd come to her crying about something from home and they couldn't find their way out of the darkness suffocating their lives. He had dreamt of a day like this and now here it was and it was far better than he had ever allowed himself to dream.

Shane wasn't going anywhere and Nick wasn't going to let him. They were in this together now and if Nick had his way, this was just the beginning. He wasn't scared to dream anymore and now he wanted to dream to reach the sky. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Shane Gregory.

THE END

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