Hey guys! Welcome to the Simplify Your Life Podcast.
It's Coach Simona and I'm glad you decided to tune in.
What's up, guys?
In today’s podcast episode, we’re going
to talk about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart
and I’m going to share
with you 4 tips on how to overcome shyness
and social anxiety.
Now, let’s jump right into it.
Maybe some of you know that already, but I’m
an introvert.
I prefer spending time alone and although
I have a few great friends, I’m not much
of a small-talker.
Although I no longer struggle with social
anxiety, I used to be very shy, especially
in high school.
I had a few great friends, but when it came
to socializing, I had to get a drink or two
to loosen up and have a conversation, which
is exactly the opposite of what I recommend
for overcoming shyness.
Now, I know that shyness has many different
origins, but it’s important to know which
one is your reason for being shy.
Here’s my first tip on how to overcome shyness
and social anxiety:
Find out the real reason for being shy
Often times the instinctive answer to questions
like this is ‘I don’t know’, but the
truth is you always do.
It just takes a little more time and practice
to learn to listen to your body and the little
subtle queues that it’s giving you.
Social anxiety and shyness don’t just happen.
Maybe you’ve been bullied at school, or
have racing thoughts about what other people
think of you, or feel awkward and don’t
know what to say when you meet people.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself
to gain more clarity:
Number 1: Was there a time in my childhood when I felt
really embarrassed?
2. Did my parents or caregivers insult me as
a child?
3. Was I bullied at school?
4. Do I think I’m awkward, weird or unlovable?
5. Am I afraid that other people will reject
me?
Often times social anxiety has something to
do with our need to feel liked, validated,
appreciated and accepted for who we truly
are.
If we have a distorted image of ourselves
or have experienced emotional abuse or name-calling,
it’s way more difficult to go out there
and expose yourself to potential threats.
Which leads me to my next tip:
2. Start gradual exposure to your stressors
I highly recommend working with a therapist
or a coach, but if you want to do this on
your own, I completely understand.
Here’s what I recommend you do in three
of the most common case scenarios:
Case scenario 1: If you’re afraid of going alone in public,
go out early in the morning when there are
not that many people up.
Go to a coffee shop and sit there for 15 minutes.
When you feel comfortable with that, go to
lunch alone and stay 30 minutes.
Then, opt for dinner and stay a whole hour.
Case scenario number 2: If you’re afraid of talking to strangers,
start sparking a conversation with someone
you’ve already met: the cashier at the grocery
store, the flower lady down the street, your
neighbors, etc.
Once you get comfortable with that, pay someone
you don’t know a genuine compliment.
You can also greet a stranger or simply maintain
eye contact and smile.
And common case scenario number 3:
If you’re afraid of embarrassing yourself,
push yourself to do things that are out of
your comfort zone.
This is a very broad topic that I’m not
going to be able to cover in one podcast episode,
but here are some suggestions: If you’re
afraid of public speaking, go on Instagram
and record daily Instagram stories.
Then, do some live video.
Then, present in front of a few friends or
family on a topic you’re truly passionate
about.
Gradually increase the number of people and
exposure and you will become significantly
more confident.
Actually, let's pause for a second.
What is confidence?
It’s all about repetition.
When our minds are unfamiliar with certain
experiences, they tend to freak out.
Your mind’s job is to protect you from lions
and tigers, so no wonder it wants you to stay
safe in what’s familiar.
Even if what’s familiar is no longer serving
you or making you happy.
My third tip is to reward yourself for every
little win
Let’s say today you went to a party.
Usually, you don’t go to parties or just
sit in the corner hoping that nobody talks
to you.
But today, you worked up the courage to talk
to someone.
You asked them how they knew the host and
had a genuine conversation with them.
You felt connected, although your heart almost
jumped out of your chest.
Then, you went home with a smile on your face
because you knew that you at least did something
this time.
You changed your story.
You tried something new.
Yeah, you’re aware that you still have a
long way to go before you overcome your shyness,
but that is a step forward.
And now it’s time to reward yourself.
Maybe watch your favorite show or make yourself
a cup of hot cocoa, or something else that
feels like a real treat.
Enjoy it and repeat the same thing next time
you go to a party, but this time try to talk
to at least 2 people.
Now, tip number 4 is to Shift your focus
What do I mean by this?
When you’re shy, you focus on yourself.
You worry about what others think of you,
how you look, how you talk, how you’ll be
perceived by them.
But when you shift your focus outwards and
genuinely get interested in the other person,
your whole physiology will change.
Social anxiety is directly linked to shallow
breathing, muscle clenching and other shrinking
characteristics of your body.
Now, imagine being genuinely involved in a
conversation with another human being.
Not on what you’re going to say or how you’re
going to say it, but simply by looking them
directly in the eyes, smiling, and kindly
offering them help, paying them a compliment,
or simply saying ‘hi’.
When you’re genuinely paying attention to
the other person and ask them questions that
will get them to talk about themselves, you
will not only forget about yourself for a
second but also have time to take a few deep
breaths and get comfortable with the conversation.
Let the other person lead, be kind and compassionate,
take deep breaths, and at some point, you’ll
notice that you will get out of your head
and start enjoying the conversation.
Being an introvert is a gift, I don’t consider
it a flaw.
You read people very well, you’re observant
and have a creative inner world.
But the outer world needs you in it.
You’re only born once and when you think
about it, that’s pretty amazing.
Don’t dim your own light.
Don’t hide in the corners because you’re
afraid.
You are bigger than your fear.
You are bigger than your story.
You are whoever you choose to be.
So, instead of saying to yourself ‘I’m
shy’, try saying something like
'I’m working on being more open to people.’
Your identity can change in time if you take
consistent action and expose yourself to things
that scare you, one by one.
Now, I want to hear from you: do you have
any tips on social anxiety?
What’s your story?
Share in the comments below.
Make sure to like this episode if you liked
it and subscribe to my channel if you don’t
want to miss out on my weekly podcast episodes.
Thank you for listening!
I love you, guys, and I will talk to you in
the next one.
Bye!
