When my rapist showed up under the ‘People
You May Know’ tab on Facebook
It felt like the closest to a crime scene
I’ve ever been
That is
If I don’t count the clockwork murder that
I make of my own memory
Every time I drive down Colfax Avenue
Still
I sit in my living room and sift for clues
Click
I see myself caught in his teeth
He is dancing with his shirt off
In a city I’ve never been to
Click
He is eating sushi over a few beers with friends
And I
Am under his fingernails
Click
I know that alley
Click
I killed the memory of that t-shirt
Click
This is an old photograph
It’s a baby picture
There is also an older man – presumably
his father
They are both round
And bright
And still
Smiling
Click
He is shirtless again
And I catch my reflection in the weight room
mirror
Hashtag #BeastModeSelfie
I call him the Wolf
When I write about him:
The Wolf
So as to make him as storybook as possible
The Wolf
When I write about him
Which is to say, when my memory escapes the
murder
Or
When the internet suggests it
Facebook informs me that we have 3 mutual
friends
Which is to say
He is
People You May Know
Which is to say
I am
People You May Know
And there are people that know
And people that don’t know
And people that don’t know I want to know
I’m afraid to let know
And probably people that know him that know
of me that know
The word No
No
NO
The word No was flock of sleeping sheep sitting
in my mouth
And now
I know the wolf’s middle name
And what he listens to on Spotify
And the all too familiar company he keeps
and
He can no longer be a wolf
Or the nameless grave I dig for myself on
bad days
We have 3 mutual friends on Facebook and now
it feels as if they are holding the shovel
64 people ‘liked’ the shirtless gym pic
and
4 people told me they’d rather I said nothing
2 police officers told me that I must give
his act a name or
It didn’t happen
That obviously
I
Could have fought back
Which is to say
No one comes running for young boys who cry
rape
When I told my brother
He also asked me why
I
Didn’t fight back
Adam,
I
am
Right now
I promise
Every day I write a poem titled
‘Tomorrow’
It is a handwritten list of
The people I know
Who love me
And I make sure 
to put my own name at the top.
