FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST
FROM HER STANDUP AND "THE MINDY
PROJECT."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," FORTUNE FEIMSTER!
♪ ♪ ♪
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> YEAH!
WHAT A --
>> Stephen: WELCOME ABOARD.
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
HERE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE FROM
NORTH CAROLINA.
>> I AM.
>> Stephen: AND I'M FROM SOUTH
CAROLINA.
>> YOU'RE FROM THE SMARTER PART,
APPARENTLY.
>> Stephen: AM I?
>> YOU'RE SO SMART.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE
RESEARCH TRIANGLE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: I THINK WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO, THE TARHEELS AND
GAME COCKS-- I'M NOT SURE ARE,
SUPPOSED TO FIGHT ABOUT
BARBECUE.
>> WE LOVE SOME BARBECUE IN
NORTH CAROLINA.
>> Stephen: WE LOVE BARBECUE
IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> SOUTH CAROLINA BARBECUE IS...
>> Stephen: IT DEPENDS WHAT
PART YOU'RE FROM, BUT MUSTARD
BASED SAY KIND OF THING.
YOU HAVE THE VINEGAR.
>> YEAH, IT'S WEST COAST-EAST
COAST RIVALRY.
IT'S PRETTY DANGEROUS TERRITORY.
>> Stephen: SURE.
EAST IS THE VINEGAR, RIGHT?
>> EAST IS THE VINEGAR.
WEST IS THE HICKORY SMOKED
BARBECUE SAUCE.
SO GOOD!
>> Stephen: FALLING OFF THE
BONE SUSPECT THAT WHEN YOU'RE
FROM?
>> I'M FROM THE WESTERN PART
STATE, YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GET BACK
DOWN THERE?
I TRY TO GO TO SOUTH CAROLINA
ANY CHANCE I GET?
ANY RESTAURANTS YOU GO TO,
ANYTHING SPECIAL?
IF IT WAS A PARTY OR BIRTHDAY,
WHAT WOULD DO YOU?
>> MY FAMILY HAD A STRONG
TRADITION OF GOG HOOTER'S.
 ( LAUGHTER )
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS ARE
FAMILIAR WITH THE GREATEST
RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD,
HOOTERS.
>> Stephen: SURE, WINGS, CLAM
STRIPS, SURE.
>> IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: YOU REALLY GO IN
THERE FOR THE FOOD?
>> REALLY GO IN FOR THE FOOD.
>> WE WENT MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I HAD TWO OLDER BROTHERS.
USUALLY MY DAD WAS THE PERSON
WHO WAS LIKE, "WE SHOULD GO TO
HOOTER'S."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
MY PARENTS ENDED UP DIVORCED--
QUITE A SHOCK.
>> Stephen: HE NEEDED MORE
TIME FOR THE HOOTER'S.
>> YEAH, AND MY MOM-- BUT EVEN
MY MOM LOVED HOOTER'S.
BUT AFTER THEY DIVORCED, MY MOM
DEVELOPED HOOTER SHAME BECAUSE
SHE STARTED DATING THIS VERY
CONSERVATIVE, VERY RELIGIOUS MAN
FROM THE SOUTH, AND HE THOUGHT
EVERYTHING WAS A SIN.
SO ONE NIGHT WE WERE TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHERE TO GO EAT OUT
OF HABIT, AND I GO, "OH, WELL
LET'S JUST GO TO HOOTER'S."
AND MY MOM WAS WITH HER MAN
FRIEND, AS WE SAY IN THE SOUTH,
AND SHE STIFFENED UP, AND SHE
WAS LIKE...
 (  LAUGHTER  )
"AA... HAVE... NEVER... EATEN AT
HOOTER!"
AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
YOU RECRUITED MY BABY-SITTER OUT
OF HOOTER'S."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
"NO!
I HAVE NEVER!
>> I'M LIKE YOU HIRED TWO
HOOTER'S WAITRESSES TO HULA HOOP
AT MY BROTHER'S HIGH SCHOOL
GRADUATION PARTY.
"NO, I HAVE NEVER EATEN AT
HOOTER'S, AND YOU KNOW THIS!"
 (  LAUGHTER  ).
>> Stephen: YOUR MOM SOUNDS
FUN.
>> SHE'S PRETTY FUN.
AND SHE WAS WAY MORE FUN BEFORE
THIS GUY.
BECAUSE YOU ASKED IF WE WENT TO
PLACES FOR BIRTHDAYS, ALSO
HOOTER'S.
>> Stephen: SO IT WAS THE
GO-TO.
>> IT WAS THE GO-TO.
WE SPENT MY 18th BIRTHDAY
OUT OF HOOTER'S.
AND THIS WAS A TIME IN A CHAIN
RESTAURANT HISTORY WHERE IF IT
WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY, THE ENTIRE
WAITSTAFF CAME OUT
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
THEY'RE BANGING DRUMS, THROWING
PLATES, THERE'S CONFETTI.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
>> I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO
BELIEVE.
I WAS IN THE CLOSET AT THE TIME.
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GAY, WHICH
IS CRAZY BECAUSE I'VE HAD THIS
HAIRCUT SINCE I WAS FIVE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( APPLAUSE )
AND I DIDN'T WANT ANY ATTENTION
BROUGHT TO ME AT THIS HOOTER'S
SO I TOLD EVERYBODY, I'M LIKE,
"YOU BETTER NOT TELL THEM IT'S
MY BIRTHDAY OR I'LL KILL YOU."
AND MY BROTHER GOT THERE FIRST
AND HIS GIRLFRIEND TOLD THEM.
SHE'S LIKE, "GUESS WHAT?
I TOLD THEM IT WAS YOUR
BIRTHDAY."
SO I SHANKED HER.
I WAS PISSED.
 ( LAUGHTER )
I WAS SO PISSED.
AND THEYUE KNOW, I'M JUST--
LIKE, I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING
BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE
DINNER, ALL THESE HERETO'S
WAITRESSES-- IT WAS A BOOB
PARADE.
BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES!
AND THEY GRABBED ME BY THE HAND
AND PARADED MY AROUND, AND I WAS
IN THE CLOSET AND NOT WANTING
ATTENTION.
IT FELT LIKE THE GAY WITCH
TRIAL.
THEY MADE ME STAND ON A BAR
STOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
RESTAURANT LIKE I WAS GOING TO
GET HANGED?
IT WAS A LITTLE BOOBY TRAP.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( CHEERS ).
>> Stephen: HAPPY MEMORY.
HAPPY MEMORY.
>> HAPPY MEMORY.
>> Stephen: BEFORE YOU ALSO IN
YOUR NEW COMEDY SPECIAL "SWEET &
SALTY."
>> IT'S OUT NOW.
>> Stephen: IT'S OUT NOW ON
NETFLIX.
YOU WERE A DEBUTANTE.
>> I WAS.
>> Stephen: I WENT TO A LOT OF
DEBS FROM CHARLESTON PITCHES AN
ESCORT.
>> OH, AN OSCOURT, OKAY.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE RICE
PAPER, "PLEASE CALL FOR MISS
FORTUNE FEIMSTER," SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
>> DID YOUICA TILLION, THAT KIND
OF THING.
>> Stephen: YES, YES.
>> WE HAVE TO LEARN MANNERS.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU LEARN
AS A DEB?
>> THERE SHE IS.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU ARE IN
ALL YOUR GLOWER.
>> SHE'S GORGEOUS.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: LOVELY.
>> YEAH, I HAD TO WEAR A WHITE
WEDDING GOWN WHILE MY BROTHER
WALKED ME DOWN AN AISLE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR
BROTHER?
>> THAT'S MY BROTHER.
NOT MY HUSBAND.
IT'S HARD TO TELL IN NORTH
CAROLINA.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
BUT, YEAH, MY MOM WAS A
DEBUTANTE AND, YOU KNOW, IN THE
SOUTH, IT'S A TRADITION.
YOUR MOM WAS MOM, YOU GOTTA --
>> Stephen: YOU GOTTA DO IT.
>> YOU GOTTA DO IT.
I WAS WORKING AS A MAINTENANCE
WORKER AT THE RECREATION
DEPARTMENT AT THE TIME.
SO I'D BE LINING SOFTBALL FIELDS
AND PICKING UP TRASH, LIKE A
LADY.
AND THEN I HAD TO TAKE ETIQUETTE
CLASSES WHERE I HAD TO LEARN ALL
KINDS OF THINGS.
I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO, LIKE,
TALK LIKE A LADY.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU TALK LIKE
A LADY?
>> IF I HAD MET YOU AND I WANTED
TO GET YOUR ATTENTION, I
COULDN'T JUST BE LIKE, "WHAT'S
UP, STEPHEN!"
I HAD TO, YOU KNOW, JUST BE
LIKE, "WELL, I DO DECLARE,
STEPHEN, YOU ARE A FINE
GENTLEMAN."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
"AND OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M
STILL OUT.
IT'S PAST MY CURFEW."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: "FORTUNE FEIMSTER:
SWEET & SALTY" IS OUT
NOW ON NETFLIX.
FORTUNE FEIMSTER, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
