 
Perpetual Nightmare

By: Traci Smith

Copyright 2011 Traci Smith

Smashwords Edition

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Perpetual Nightmare
Chapter 1:

Beep beep beep. I snapped out of sleep, rubbing my eyes and groaning. I hit the off button on the alarm clock on my nightstand that stood at 5:30 a.m. In the background I could hear the shower running and thought to myself that Andrew must already be up getting ready for work. I rolled over to his side of the bed, as was my morning custom, and snuggled into his indentation in the mattress and the pillow, the down comforter falling loosely around my shoulder. I sighed as I focused on the blackness behind my eyelids and drifted back to sleep.

The light came in sharply through the bedroom windows. The unwelcome rays tore me from my sleep. I opened my eyes and watched the dust fly in and out of the beams of light that stretched their way across the room. I tried to adjust my ears to the surroundings, confused by the sound of running water in the background. I looked over at the alarm and saw that it was 10 a.m. Why would the shower still be running? Did Andrew get off early? I forced myself out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. I opened the door to complete darkness. I turned the bathroom light on, pushed back the burgundy shower curtain, and turned the shower off, a few ice cold droplets of water catching my hand as I did. His white T-shirt and plaid boxers lay side by side sloppily on the floor with his towel. What were the chances that he would shave, get dressed, turn off the light, and leave the shower running? It made no sense. I left the bathroom and went back over next to the bed. I threw on my flip flops and walked briskly out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

"Baby?" I called out. Nothing but silence came back in return.

I tried to tell myself to remain calm, that it was nothing, but there was a nagging sensation deep in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't get rid of, a sensation that there was no mistaking that something was terribly wrong. I crossed through the living room, and out the front door, taking not one moment to think that my black negligee was not meant for public eyes. Upon reaching the carport, I stared in confusion and disbelief. His car was still sitting right next to mine. How was that possible? Did someone pick him up this morning? If someone had picked him up, who would have it been? None of his coworkers lived anywhere nearby. The car was in working order as far as I knew.

Now panicked, I ran back inside, banging my shoulder against the thick door frame. I shook off the pain and ran back to the bedroom to my nightstand. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Andrew's cell number. I jumped at the sound of his phone ringing out from the nightstand on the opposite side of the bed. The shower was left running; his car remained in the carport. Thoughts swirled through my mind, playing out different scenarios. None of them made the situation make any more sense. I feverishly dialed his work number, reminding myself that I could not sound panicked when the receptionist picked up the phone.

"Palmside Clinic, Susan speaking," the soft southern voice answered.

"Yes, is Andrew Dennings in?"

"No, I am sorry, he has not come in yet this morning. May I take a message?"

I hit the hang up button. I decided that my next best bet was Mike. Mike was Andrew's best friend. If anyone would know what was going on, surely he would. I took a deep breath and dialed the number. After a few rings, Mike finally answered.

"Hey Torey, what's up?"

I took a second to clear my mind and my throat and began to speak.

"I was wondering if you had talked to Andrew this morning. He left the shower running and his car is still outside. His cell phone is still here. I'm just a little freaked out." It felt really good to be able to explain the situation to someone else.

"Wow, that's really weird. I haven't talked to him though. You guys weren't fighting or anything were you? I can't imagine him just taking off without his car."

"No, no, nothing like that. I was asleep when he got up to get ready for work. I woke up and found the shower still running and his car still here. I called his work. He's not there. I am worried." I could feel the panic rising in my chest. Mike hadn't heard from him. What could possibly have happened?

"Well, you should call his family. I hate to think about it, but you should probably try the hospitals and the jail too if you have no luck there. Either way, keep me posted. I am worried about him too," Mike replied. I could hear some of the panic I was feeling resonating in his voice as well. "I will be sure to give the other guys a call. If I hear anything, I will give you a call."

"Thanks Mike, I really appreciate it."

After hanging up, I started going through all of his family that lived in town even a few that did not. No one knew where he was, and what was worse I was almost sure that they were all convinced that we must be having problems at home now. They all promised to call if they heard anything and made me promise to do the same. I called the hospitals and the jail too. I had no luck, and I felt more and more terrified with each fruitless call. Andrew had disappeared off of the face of the planet and it would be at least a day before I could file a missing persons report.

Where could he have gone to? If he wasn't at work, what would he be doing? All of the sudden it came to me.

"Surfing, I bet he went surfing," I whispered to myself. I immediately felt foolish for it taking me so long to come to the conclusion. I ran through the house again, out the door, and to the shed that was attached to the carport. I opened the door and all of my hopes were dashed in an instant the second I saw his surfboard resting against the washing machine.

My shoulders slumped and I shuffled my way back into the house back to my bedroom. The helplessness overtook me and I fell to my knees crying. I felt like I would vomit as my stomach churned and my head spun. I sat there on my bedroom floor, unable to move, watching the light change over the hours, tears streaming down my face. I traced over every inch of him in my mind, his brown hair, his hazel eyes, his olive skin tone, the way that he towered over me and would smile down into my face before kissing me. I tried thinking to myself what he would do if in my shoes. He would have been calm and rational, not sitting on the floor crying like a baby.

It was dark now. My legs hand gone numb and my mouth was dry. I yelled at myself in my head to move, that sitting on the floor was getting me nowhere. I stood up, my legs fraught with pins and needles, and walked to the bathroom. I flipped on the light, poured water into the glass that sat on the sink next to the faucet and drank greedily. I opened my eyes and the glass dropped from my hand and as it shattered on the cream tile I began to scream.

The mirror had gone black. In front of me stood a black figure. It was more of an outline than an actual being. Two angry red eyes stared at me from the other side of the glass. A gruff voice began to speak.

"We have him. If you want him back, you must come in and get him."

Just as quickly as it had appeared the figure was gone. Its words rang through my head over and over. Shock overtook me. The mirror remained black inside its gold trimming. It did not even seem like I was in my bathroom or in my home. It was like the blackness had come out of the mirror and tainted everything that surrounded me. I tried to reason with myself, telling myself that I was only dreaming, that none of this was possible, that there was no way to go through a mirror, and that there was no way Andrew was on the other side of it.

I slowly reached out to the mirror with a shaky hand. My fingers grazed the hot surface and caused ripples. I gasped, thinking that I must have lost it. There was no way that this could be real. It simply was not possible. I rubbed my fingers together, but felt no wetness. Strange that it rippled, yet left no residue. I told myself that it was not strange at all; nothing ever made sense in dreams.

I reached out again, this time moving wrist deep into the mirror, my hand covered with heat from inside the blackness. I started to contemplate if I could actually go through the mirror. Furthermore, if I did go through the mirror, what would be waiting for me on the other side? What if I died the second I went through the mirror? I pulled my hand back in, the air in the bathroom feeling frigid around my hand. A tingling sensation moved across my hand. It felt as if the circulation had been cut off from it for a long time and was being allowed to run through again. I stared at my hand and then shook my head. I knew that I could not just keep standing, staring, and doing nothing. If there was even the slightest chance that Andrew was on the other side of the mirror, would that not be enough reason to make it worth it to go through. I climbed up onto the bathroom counter. I thought of Andrew, held my breath, and pushed myself through.
Chapter 2:

I opened my eyes and gasped. I stared with wide eyes at the landscape that surrounded me. The sky was scorched black; the trees were ash colored, leafless, and twisted, taking the shape of monsters. Fields of what looked like toxic green straw stretched out for miles bordering the ominous mountains in the distance. A single ashen path lay before me and I shuddered as the heat radiated up my legs from the ground, immediately creating a film of sweat on them.

"Where am I? What is this place?" I whispered to myself in a panicky voice.

I looked behind me and a black square the size of the bathroom mirror still remained. It wasn't too late to climb back through. However, even if I went back, what would I be going back to? Would I really be able to live with not at least taking a look around, knowing that Andrew could be here, that his life could be in danger? My inner voice let me know simply that I could not. I knew it to be an indisputable fact. As scared as I was, I started to walk forward down the ashen path, leading myself into the sea of toxic green, praying to god or whoever else was up there that it would not swallow me whole.

As I walked the ash began to gather on my sweaty feet. It reminded me of how the sand felt in the summertime back home. In my mind I could see it. I could see Andrew smiling with his surfboard in hand, running towards the water. How I loved to watch him surf. He had such child-like innocence when he went surfing. You could see the pure happiness in his eyes. They would look glazed over with glee. It was always wonderful to see anyone so passionate about anything. I could feel my lip begin to tremble and looked up just in time to realize I was about to start walking off the path.

I stood for a second, looking at the toxic straw. It was such a radiant green. I reached out and stroked one of the long blades. I jumped back, feeling the burn against my fingertips. I looked at them and they were stained green. They throbbed as they would have if I had run my fingers across a burner. I became very glad that I had looked up before I strayed off the path. My injury would have been much more severe by the looks of it. I resolved to pay more attention, ignore the burns on my fingers, and to keep walking.

Hours had passed. My legs were aching from walking. Sweat poured down my body and through my already soaked negligee. I was thirsty, but there was no water anywhere to be seen. I noted a nearby tree stump. I tested it with my toe, remembering how the grass had burned me before. I felt no burn and decided it was ok to sit and take a rest. I looked around me, still seeing nothing but the same fields, the same trees, and the same sky. Who knew how long this place stretched for? It was at this thought that I began to sob uncontrollably, not caring if I became further dehydrated, not caring if I fell over dead where I sat. Hope was fading from me. The same thought kept passing through my head that I would never find Andrew and that he would be gone from me forever. I closed my eyes and wished for death.

"Excuse me," a tiny voice called from the side of me.

I looked over, unable to believe my eyes. The voice had come from a small, round, brown creature floating three feet from me. It had a mass of long thin hairs, making it look soft and poufy. Its onyx eyes shined with kindness and intelligence.

"Are you lost?" it questioned.

For a moment I was unable to answer, not being able to process what was happening.

"I think I am more lost than I have ever been in my life," I stammered. A few tears trickled down my cheeks. "What is this place?"

"You are in the Fascian Plains. Down this path is the Red River and the mountains behind it are the Ganglesh mountains. How did you get here? There is nothing for miles and miles."

A bitter laughter filled my head as I thought over the ridiculousness my reply.

"I got here through my bathroom mirror. This thing said that they had my boyfriend, Andrew and that I had to come through to get him. I have been walking ever since."

I hung my head defeated, convinced that I must have died and this was my own personal hell.

"Well, my name is Meep. If you like I can try to help you. What did the thing that talked to you look like?"

"Thank you so much Meep. My name is Torey. I appreciate any help you can give me. As for the thing in the mirror, it was just black, shapeless, with red eyes."

I was blown away. How did this creature know English? Why was it not surprised by my mirror story? I started to ask, but then thought better of it. I was now thoroughly convinced that this was either hell or a dream.

"It must have been a gangleus. They are Queen Ameda's slaves. She lives in the Black Fortress deep in the mountains."

Apparently I had been chosen to play a role in a sick and twisted fairy tale written by the devil himself.

"Do you think that the thing, the gangleus, took Andrew there?"

"I can't be sure, but one thing is definite, if Queen Ameda has your boyfriend, it is going to be near to impossible for you to get him back," Meep replied in an ominous voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Well the fortress is heavily guarded. There is only one gate to enter through," he paused as if he was considering whether or not to say whatever else he had to say. "There is one more way in, but you face certain death if you take it."

I sat, trying to wrap my mind around the situation at hand. The words "certain death" resonated in my mind.

"What is this other way in?"

Meep didn't answer at first. I thought I saw something in his black eyes. Perhaps it was surprise or maybe even fear.

"You would have to travel under the Red River through a tunnel. The tunnel was dug through the mountains years ago so that Queen Ameda could travel unnoticed. There are dangerous things down there, things that you can't even imagine. It is dark, hot, and who knows what shape the tunnel is in," Meep replied, almost pleading with me to not even consider it with his voice.

My pulse raced. I longed to be at home, safe in bed, sleeping, with Andrew beside me snoring. There was no home for me without Andrew. Without him, the house would just be walls that serve as a constant reminder of how I did not find him, did not rescue him.

"Well, it is a chance I am just going to have to take. I am not leaving without Andrew. If I die, then so be it. How do I get there?"

Meep sighed. "Even though my better judgment is against this, I will lead you to the entrance of the tunnel. I do not really enjoy the idea of being the one to lead anyone to their death. However, I can see in your eyes that you would go either way and you would be much better off with some assistance as opposed to none. You are going to need supplies. Luckily I have a friend who owes me a few favors. His place is on the way. I must say though, you really should reconsider. Your Andrew may already be dead and this journey will probably only result in death for you as well."

If Andrew was dead, I would happily join him. If this journey meant my destruction, it would be better than turning back, going home, knowing I never lifted a finger to save what I love most. Besides, no one would ever believe me. If I told them about this place, about the things that I had seen so far, they would just lock me up and throw away the key. I would be alone in the world, with visions of this place constantly haunting me.

"My mind is made up. Lead the way."

I stood up and Meep floated over to me. It felt very good to no longer be alone and to have a sense of direction. I wished that Andrew could see me, always the voice of reason, always the steady force, and yet here we were in a land of fiction, with me in a role reversal, playing the white knight rescuing her beloved. More than anything I just wished he could see that I was coming. I wished that even if I never made it, that he would know that I had tried. This was no time for wishes though; it was time to move forward.

Meep wasn't exaggerating when he said there was nothing for miles. We traveled along the path and I asked him questions about himself to distract myself from the sad thoughts that kept plaguing me every few minutes.

"So, do you live around here Meep? Do you have family?"

"Actually, yes. My family and I live in the hollows of the trees scattered throughout the plains. We are not used to seeing anything but birds, reptiles, and rodents in the plains. Not many larger creatures come through due to the burns that the grass causes."

"Yes, I can imagine. I found out the unpleasant nature of the grass the hard way," I half-smiled and held out my right hand so that Meep could see the green-stained burn marks on my fingertips.

"Well, I guess you could take comfort in knowing that it could have been a lot worse. A lot of the creatures who live here spend a great deal of time teaching their young ones to avoid the plains. There just have been too many accidents where unknowing youth enter in and leave in really bad shape, if they leave at all," sadness darkened Meep's eyes and I felt sad as well. It was never pleasant to think about death. At that moment Andrew's face flashed in my mind. I shook the thought and decided it was time for a new subject.

"So, what were you doing when you stumbled upon me, sitting there crying like an infant?" I almost laughed.

"I actually was just leaving my tree to go find food and saw you from a distance. It was hard to tell who or what you were. You were slumped over and I thought you might be injured. I decided to go over and ask if you were ok. If you proved to be dangerous, I knew I could always float away back over the grass," Meep replied with a proud look in his eye. I was very glad that he had decided to come over and check on me. I felt a lot safer with him around and at least now I had an idea of where I was going.

We traveled for a long time until we reached a little wooden cottage on the path. It was the kind of thing that the Grimm brothers could have thought up. There was a cute cobblestone walkway to the front door which was painted a cheerful red. A small wooden fence framed the yard. There were red flowers as big as my head with black centers. There was a well in the side yard and I started to pray that there would be water in it. This place looked completely out of place in this nightmare landscape of scorched sky and toxic grass.

"Now you wait here," Meep commanded.

A few minutes later Meep floated out of the cottage with a shaggy creature, about six feet tall, with caramel colored fur, a snout of a dog, ears of a cat, and yellow topaz eyes. In its hands it carried a water skin, a long machete-like object with a leather back strap, and a knapsack. They approached me and in that moment my mission became very real.

"Torey, this is Baron. He brought you a water skin, a weapon, and in the knapsack there are a couple of flint stones, a blanket, and some bread for food," Meep said matter-of-factly.

I looked at Baron and nodded. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate it."

He handed me the contents of his arms, nodded, and walked back inside. I was a bit confused.

"Doesn't he speak? Did I offend him or something? Why did he just walk away?"

"No no," Meep laughed," you didn't offend him. He can talk, but not in a way you would understand. I told him you would be appreciative of his help. He knows that there is a possibility that he may never see those things again. So, you need not worry about that. Let's get you filled up with water and we can start on our way to the river."

I drank a few ladles full of water before filling the water skin. It was nice to feel the cool liquid running down my throat and to feel it move its way throughout my chest. I felt instantly revived. Meep and I set back out on the path to find the river and for the first time I was starting to feel like I could succeed, like there could be a happy ending.

About a mile down the path Meep started asking me questions. It was good to have the exchange; it made the distance pass quicker.

"So, Torey, tell me about Andrew. I mean he must be really special for you to be doing this. What makes him so worthy of such a dangerous rescue attempt?"

"I met Andrew about twelve years ago. At first I didn't think much of him really. He was just some guy who had moved to town and I was nice to him because I always liked to make new people feel welcome in a new place. Then, over time I started to notice the cool little quirks about him, and the way his eyes lighted up when he smiled. He truly has the most beautiful hazel eyes you have ever seen. We became best friends after some time and he helped me through a lot of hard times with my family and personal life. I fell in love with him. Then, after a lot of persistence on my part, he finally gave in and started dating me. We've been together ever since. He is my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him in it."

A smile formed at my lips. Small flashes of our moments together over the past twelve years flashed through my mind. I remembered sitting on the bus together to and from school. I remembered the way I felt the first time he kissed me. I remembered the first day when we started living together. I thought my heart would burst. The smile faded from my lips and I brought myself out of my reverie into the here and now of where I was and what I was doing.

"It sounds like you love him a lot," Meep said with a slight sadness to his tone.

I nodded and we continued to walk.

"So what are the dangers that I need to worry about in the tunnel? I would like to be as prepared as possible for what I am about to face."

"Well, for one it will be very hot down there. I am not sure if you have noticed how hot the ground is, but underground is much worse. I am not sure how well ventilated it is down there, but I imagine the quality of air isn't good. There are creatures of all kinds that live in the tunnel. There are fire spiders. They are bright red and spit acid that burns the skin. There are lackels as well. Lackels are black and scaly. They are about your size. They climb walls with webbed feet and hands and have long pointy teeth. They will eat the flesh of anything including other lackels. There also a range of venomous serpents. I don't mean to frighten you if I am, but you have to realize that this is complete insanity. It would be hard enough for an army to go down there and survive, let alone one single being."

His words had painted horrifying mental images. I wondered if I would be able to face a lackel, if I would be able to dodge the spiders, if I would be unlucky enough to get bit by a snake, or if I would simply just suffocate down there or die of dehydration. Who knew how long the tunnel was. What if it was blocked? What would I do then? Would I turn around and just go back? Maybe I was being overly optimistic anyway. Part of me had reserved itself to the fact that this was all in vain and I would be dead soon anyway. I trucked on like a lemming to a cliff, without reason, racing towards death.

We reached the red river a couple of hours later. I stood, taking in the terrifying sight. The red liquid ran as far as the eye could see and by the coppery smell, I knew it was blood. It stained the shores around it. I walked up to the edge and stared at my reflection. My straw colored hair was going every which way. My legs were covered in sweat and ash. My face looked aged, my grey eyes hollow. In my black negligee I looked like death's bride headed for the honeymoon suite. I quivered at the thought. I thought I might vomit as I noticed there were chunks of flesh floating in the river of blood. I held back a scream and backed away.

"Is this all blood? Where does it all come from?" I stammered.

"The queen started the slaughters years ago. Any creature who opposes her or her laws will be dragged by a group of gangleus and taken to the mountain to be slaughtered. The queen orders the offenders drained and have their blood poured down the mountain. The blood runs down the mountain and through the plains. It is to serve as a reminder that the queen runs this land and is to be feared. The river dumps into a lake at the end of the plains. It is said that the queen sometimes baths in it."

I cringed at the thought of it. The queen sounded like evil incarnate. I sincerely hoped that I would not ever have the displeasure of meeting her. Maybe if I could just somehow get to the fortress and find Andrew without being noticed, we could somehow escape being added to the blood flow of the Red River. If we couldn't at least I would be able to see him one last time, to tell him I loved him. I stopped myself before I could form another thought. I needed to stay positive. I would never make it there thinking like that.

"So where is the entrance to the tunnel? Are we close?"

"You see that dark brush over there?"

I looked to my right and you couldn't miss it. It was on the bank of the river. It was like a huge charcoal colored tumble weed.

"How do you get past the brush though?" I asked, not really seeing how anything or anyone could push their way through such thick brush.

"There is a small crawl space at the base of it. You might get a little scratched up going in, but that is probably the least of your concerns at the moment. It will be very dark in there. There should be spare torches along the tunnel in places. That is assuming that they haven't decomposed or been used. I think that you are out of your mind for this, but I wish you luck. This is as far as I go. I hope that maybe I will see you again if you ever make it back," Meep said with a very sincere tone.

"Thank you so much Meep. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't ran into you. I sincerely hope I make it back. If I can ever figure out a way to repay your kindness, I hope to have the opportunity to do so."

A tear rested at the corner of my eye, but it was no time to start crying. I needed my wits about me for what I was about to do. I waved to Meep as I walked toward the brush and he just stared after me. I sincerely wondered if I would ever again see those little black eyes.

Upon reaching the brush I saw the crawl space Meep had talked about. It looked like some animal had dug its way in, like a foxhole or something similar. Anyone who didn't know what to look for would have never thought anything of it. I sat my knapsack on the ground and lowered myself so that I could scoot myself under the brush. I decided I would approach it feet first and belly down and drag the knapsack in behind me.

Tiny branches scratched my legs and my back as I shimmied my way down into the tunnel. In several spots I could feel the warmth of blood fresh on my skin. I pulled down the knapsack into my arms and swung it back onto my back. I took a look around me. The tunnel was massive. I could hear dripping sounds all around me. I shuddered to think that I would probably be covered in the blood of endless different creatures by the time I reached the end of the tunnel. It was dark except for the area directly next to the entrance of the tunnel. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go any further without a torch. I searched the walls nearest to the entrance to no avail. I started scouring the walls with my hands at the edge of the darkness, hoping to not run them over anything dangerous. My hands felt their way into a groove in the wall. I edged them over slowly and stopped as my wrist rubbed against a rough object. I moved my hands to encompass it and sighed with relief as I pulled the torch into the dim light. I walked back to the entrance and ripped out some of the brush and dry grass from the edge. I placed a small amount on a dry area of the tunnel floor. I pulled out my flint stones and placed the rest of the grass I had pulled out towards the bottom of the knapsack in case I would need it later. I struck the flint stones several times until the brush and grass caught fire. I lit my torch off of the small fire and placed the flint stones back in the sack. I grabbed handful after handful of dirt from the tunnel entrance and threw it on the fire, putting it out. I walked away from the entrance to make my way into the darkness and said goodbye to fresh air for what could quite possibly be the last time.
Chapter 3:

As I moved into the darkness, the torch illuminated what I was unable to see before. The sides of the cave were very jagged. There were many alcoves and crevices. The danger of what may reside in any of those crevices or alcoves became very real in my mind. The light fluttered and I realized that my hands were shaking. Anything that had eyes would be able to see this light, which put me in even more danger. I shook the thought from my mind and pushed myself forward, my flip flops making me clumsy on the jagged rocky floor. The blood from the river above dripped on me every few feet. I could feel it, running down my scraped up skin. I laughed to myself, thinking that even if I found Andrew and made it home that I might still die from some disease in the blood that trickled down on me now. My laugh echoed through the tunnel and sent a shiver up my spine. I made a mental note that I would need to be much quieter and much more careful.

As I walked my mind wandered. I thought of the weeks leading up to where I was now. I realized that all of the moments that I may have found unpleasant would be moments I would kill for now. I remembered feeling put out when Andrew had ignored me while playing his video games a few days ago. I remember feeling neglected on nights we laid in bed and he was reading instead of cuddling up to me. Now it has become apparent that all of those things are extremely petty and if given the chance to go back, I would treasure every second. We do not get to go back though. Life does not give us a rewind button.

All of the sudden a strange noise pulled me back to the here and now. I could hear shuffling from further up the tunnel. I couldn't tell how far away whatever the noise was coming from was. A vision of a lackel appeared in my mind. I was paralyzed with fear. I kept trying to make my limbs move, but they would not cooperate. The noise moved closer. I had to get the machete ready. I had to try to hide if possible. I knew that the light would be a dead giveaway, but also knew that with no light I would be blind to my enemies. I found a large crevice in the wall and wedged the torch in. I sat my knapsack on the floor of the tunnel and unstrapped the machete from my back. I pulled the machete out and took a defensive stance. Was this it? Was my journey over so soon? Would I die in this dark place, no one to ever know what has become of me or Andrew?

From the sound of the shuffling I knew that whatever the source or sources were they were very close. I would see them at any moment. Just as the thought crossed my mind, the creatures came into view. There were two of them. Their skin looked rough and scaly. It was the deepest shade of black I had ever seen. Their teeth reflected the torch light and were pointed like icicles. They had silver soulless eyes and I could hear their snarling and see the drool pouring from their mouths as they moved forward.

My heart felt as if it would jump out of my chest. I could not find enough air to make my lungs feel at ease. My mouth had become a desert and everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. The creatures paused as they took notice of me. The snarls that I had heard them make before were nothing compared to the noises they made now. It was a loud guttural noise. The sweat poured from my forehead and I thought my eyes might bulge out of my skull.

The lackels looked at each other and made grunts. It seemed as though they were discussing what course of action to take. I gripped my machete tight. My gut told me that this would not be a peaceful encounter. I started silent prayers to whatever higher power existed. I could not die, not here, not now.

One of the lackels started to move towards me. The other one stayed where is was and glared at me with its frightening silver eyes. The lackel that moved towards me grunted and snarled angrily. Its mouth was twisted into an evil grin. It broke into a run. I braced myself for the attack. I could see the other lackel behind it crawling up to the ceiling. Apparently this was to be a dual attack. The first one jumped at me and I swung my machete. It landed into the side of its head with a sickening wet thud. Blood started pouring out of the wound. The forward momentum of its now limp body pushed us both to the floor, the length of its body landing right on top of me. I scrambled to get it off of me before the second lackel arrived. Its scaly, slimy skin under my fingers made my skin crawl. I looked above me and knew it was too late.

The lackel jumped down from the ceiling and tore the other lackel off of me. It growled in my face, its rotten breath flowing over me. Tears flowed down my face. It stared at me with its hungry eyes and opened its mouth. I knew this would be the last chance for attack that I would get. I quickly reached up my hands and dug my thumbs into its eyes. My stomach twisted at the feeling of the creature's eyeballs under my fingers. It felt like I was like trying to squash giant, warm grapes. The lackel began to screech in agony. It shook violently. I lost grip and it sunk its teeth into my left shoulder. I writhed in pain and screamed. I reached back with my other fist and started pounding into its skull and the side of its face. I heard the crunch of its nose under my fist and blood began to spray. The lackel fell backwards, clutching its face. I stood up and ran over to the first lackel. I placed my foot on the lackel to hold it down as I removed the machete from its skull. I ran up to the other lackel and began swinging, chopping off its arms and legs. It made the most horrible noises I had ever heard, the high pitched sounds ringing in my ears. Finally it was motionless and silent. I leaned over and vomited, clutching my ruined shoulder. With shaky hands I tore off a strip of fabric from my negligee. I pulled tightly on the fabric as I tied it, to reduce the blood flow. I screamed as I did. I picked up my supplies, grabbed the torch, and began to walk again.

I went for what seemed to be miles. I had lost all concept of time. I wondered what time it was back home. I was exhausted, dizzy, and nauseated. If I didn't get some rest, I knew that I would be unable to survive another attack. I noticed an alcove to the left. I would have to stop, eat a little, and sleep. Upon walking into the alcove, I felt a sort of relief. It was deep into the wall of the cave and wide enough to be comfortable. I would be able to go undetected here if I was careful. I found another large crevice in the wall and wedged the torch in it. I sat my machete and knapsack down and pulled the blanket out of the sack. I laid it upon the floor of the alcove, sat down, and sighed in complete and total pleasure. I couldn't recall any time that sitting down had felt so good. I pulled out the cloth napkin full of bread that Baron had placed in my knapsack. I removed two of the twisted rolls. I tore into the first roll like an uncivilized beast. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. At first I was afraid that the rolls would come right back up. My stomach settled down a little as I forced myself to eat more slowly, savoring the yeasty softness of the bread as it melted in my mouth. I took a few conservative sips of water. I stood back up and grabbed the torch. I sat back on the blanket and snuffed out the torch to the side of it. I laid down, closed my eyes, and sought out sleep. It was only moments before I found it.

Andrew walked towards me in the darkness, his face frozen in a horrific expression. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

" _Andrew, what's wrong?" I called out. My voice echoes throughout the black void._

I felt myself start to run towards him. I had to get to him. There was a sense of urgency I didn't quite understand. I was almost there, just a few more feet. All of the sudden, two black undefined hands grabbed him. He began to scream. He was reeling backwards. I looked around and there were a hundred red glowing eyes staring at me from the darkness. A woman's laughter filled the air, evil maniacal laughter. I covered my ears and screamed no over and over as I ran after him. I started to sob.

" _Please give him back!! Please! PLEASE!!! NO!!!!" I screamed. The woman laughed louder and harder. My legs felt as if they would give out. Andrew was getting further and further away as each second past. Finally, it got to where I couldn't see him anymore. I thought my head would explode and my heart would collapse. All of the sudden I tripped in the darkness. I found myself falling down a black hole. Darkness was all I could see. I closed my eyes and prepared to smack into the bottom if there was one._

I shot up from my sleep, sweating profusely. My heart was racing and I was short of breath. I started to cry. I had never dreamt of something so real. I wanted to see Andrew more than I think I ever had in my life. His horror stuck face and his screaming lingered in my mind. The fear I had felt fighting the lackels did not even compare to how I felt now. The real fear was failure. The real fear was being too late. The real fear was being unable to do anything. I searched the ground for the torch and my knapsack. I didn't know how much sleep I was able to get through, but it didn't matter. There was no way I would be able to fall back asleep now. My shoulder throbbed. There was nothing to clean it out with. I knew that it wouldn't be long before it became infected. I found the torch and the knapsack. I fumbled around in the sack to find some of the dried grass I had taken from the entrance and my flint stones. I crawled away from the blanket and set the grass on fire. I lit the torch. I looked over at my left arm and shoulder. The blood had seeped through my makeshift bandage and had run down in streaks on my arm. I prayed that the bleeding was coming close to stopping, if it hadn't already. Bleeding to death was not an option. I had to make it. I packed up my makeshift camp. It was time to set out again into this nightmare fairytale.

After what I imagined was another mile, the tunnel had begun to incline slightly. I became excited. This meant I was beginning to travel up into the mountains. I felt a small amount of accomplishment and hope. I reminded myself to not get overly optimistic. There was still a long way to go more than likely and I was in no way, shape, or form safe or close to finishing what I had come to do. It was fairly silent in the tunnel now. There were no more dripping sounds since I had moved past the river. I was happy about that. It meant that I would be able to hear anything or anyone approaching.

I wondered how Andrew was faring. I wondered if he would look the way he looked in my dream, horrified. I was completely shaken. It as if that look on his face had been burned into my retinas. It was all I could see. I was barely paying attention to where I was going. It was as if I was in constant battle with myself to keep from breaking down. My shoulder ached more and more as time passed. I felt weak and dizzy. The more inclined the tunnel became, the weaker I felt. The worst part was not knowing how far there was to go. I thought of Meep. I wished so much that he could have made the journey with me. I would not be all alone with only me fears to keep me company. I guess it is kind of wrong to wish another creature to risk their safety for me and Andrew, not knowing either of us.

A glimmer caught my eye from further up the cave. I slowed my pace, unsure of what to expect. I walked slowly forward, being careful to not make any noise. I was almost sure that that I could see something or someone around the curve ahead. As I closed in on the curve, my pulse quickened. There was someone there. They looked human. They had a torch as well. Meep had said the queen used to travel through here. Well, if it was her, she was about to suffer more than anyone ever had. She would tell me where Andrew was, and if Andrew was dead, I would cut off little pieces of her and laugh as she screamed for mercy. I pulled my machete off of my back and quietly put down my torch on the rocky tunnel floor. I ran toward what I now saw was a woman. She was running also, her weapon held high like mine.

"You bitch!!! Where the fuck is Andrew? Where is he!?" I screamed as I swung down at her. She swung down at the same time and I found myself reeling backwards to the ground. I quickly stood up and got ready for a second attack. As I moved forward, the appearance of the woman in the dim light caught my eye. I stopped in my tracks. I moved my free hand to touch my face and she did the same. I waved and she did the same. I put away my machete and so did she. She was me. It was a mirror. I walked up to it, my eyes wide as I glanced myself over. My hair was matted with sweat and dirt. Almost every inch of my skin was splotched with dirt and drops of blood. I looked incredibly sick. The clean parts of my skin had an alarming pallor to them. In my dirty, torn, black negligee, I looked like a housewife that was stolen from her bed and dropped into the middle of a war zone.

I walked back over to my torch and picked it up. I started walking again and noticed that the walls of the tunnels were all mirrors as far as I could see. I wondered who would need mirrors in a place like this. Maybe the queen was incredibly vain. The thought made me laugh a little. My laughter was interrupted by someone ahead. I stopped and listened. The voice sounded strangely familiar. I rushed forward to where the voice was coming from. I almost squealed when I finally recognized the voice. It was Andrew! I started to run. All exhaustion was gone. I was going to get to see Andrew! We would go home and I would hold him forever! I closed in on the voice and stopped as I looked to my right and there he was. I started sobbing.

"Oh Andrew, I was so scared. I thought I would never see you again. I love you so much. I love you...I....I" My voice trailed off as my chest heaved and my sobbing became hysterical. I moved forward to encircle him with my arms and bumped my head as I moved forward. I looked up confused. I saw my living room. Andrew was there. He was talking to somebody. I looked over to see who it was and was in total disbelief when I realized it was me.

"I really wish you would stay here," Andrew said. He looked up at the mirror image of me pleadingly from our navy blue paisley couch.

"God, why are you always doing this? I just want to go out with my friends. I mean is it so bad for me to go out and have a drink every once in a while?" The mirror image of me curled her face in disgust.

I stood back and watched Andrews face grow cold. The other me turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. Andrew sat and frowned. I felt sick inside. I knew the scene all too well. Was that what it was like from the outside? Either way, I needed to keep moving forward. I walked a few more feet and another scene started playing out.

I looked to the left and we were on the back porch of the old apartment we had lived in before we got the house. I started to rot apart inside. This was the last thing I ever wanted to see.

"I just feel like I am missing out on life. I love you. I am just not in love with you anymore. Look at you. You are this upset now; imagine what you will be like ten years from now if things don't work out. We aren't good together. I am sorry," Andrew said to the other me. He was crying. The other me was too. We got back together six months later, but that was one of the single most painful memories I had. I could feel it, the exact desperation and hopelessness that I had felt at that very moment. It felt like the whole world was crashing around me and that my insides were rotting out. I could hear the screaming in my head like I had heard that night. I felt the pure terror of losing everything that meant anything to me all over again. What was this, a fun house for the damned? I was completely riveted.

I started to run forward, my vision blurred by tears. I could not handle much more. I knew my sanity and will to survive hung by a thread already as it was. I tripped and fell, slamming my knees into the jagged floor. I screamed in agony. I had scraped my knees terribly and they throbbed now in pain. I moved my legs to be sure nothing was broken and was somewhat relieved when nothing was. I looked over and a new scene had started. I braced myself. Which dark haunting memory would this be?

"I am sorry. I know I fucked up. You're leaving aren't you? You're leaving and it's all my fault. I will change. I promise. Please, I don't think I can live without you," Andrew looked at the other me, completely broken. The other me moved to hug him.

"I just need to get away for a while and clear my head. I still love you. I am just moving out, we're not breaking up," the other me said, reassuringly.

I shook my head and screamed. What an idiot I had been then. I screamed out to no one, "Ok, I get it! We had problems. I made mistakes. What is this?! Why am I being shown this?!"

To the other side of me a new scene started. Andrew and the other me sat on the couch together. He played video games while her head rested against his shoulder. She stared at him, waiting for him to glance down at her. He was completely oblivious to her presence.

I thought I would seriously be sick. My stomach churned as the emotions that I felt at that moment flowed though me. So many times I had felt helpless, invisible. So many times I had sat there waiting for him to just look over, aching for him to acknowledge my presence, that I was alive. Tears streamed down my face. I shook my head and clenched my fists. None of it mattered. Everyone has their problems. Andrew and I were no different than anyone else. Whatever force that was at work here would not stop me with ugly memories. I would not go running, scared of the darkness that lay in my own heart. I would fight my way up this stupid fucking mountain in this god forsaken tunnel. Nothing short of death would stop me from getting to Andrew.

I stood up and brushed myself off. I started to walk forward again. Every few feet I could hear my voice and Andrew's voice. Even though I refused to look over, it didn't seem to matter. The memories played in perfect detail in my mind. Every bad moment we had ever lived was being thrown at me. Tears were a constant presence on my cheeks. Guilt flowed freely through me for all of the bad I had ever done. Old scars left from things I had forgiven were torn open to make new wounds. It started to feel as if the walls were closing in.

As I continued forward I became so consumed by visions and memories that I couldn't even see. The visions of things passed flashed before my eyes. It got to the point where I wasn't even sure if I was still moving anymore. I couldn't make it stop. I was drowning in the moments that I had tried to forget for so long. I was being tortured by my past transgressions. I started bargaining with whatever higher power there was that I would do anything for it to stop. I think I had started to scream, but was unsure. All of the sudden there was a bright flash and then quiet. I drifted into blackness and became completely lost.
Chapter 4:

My eyes opened to new surroundings. A painful throbbing radiated from the back of my head. I went to move my hand to touch it and realized that both of my arms were chained. I looked around me and could see black stone walls, dimly illuminated by torch light. Thick black bars enclosed my small cell. The smooth black floor was wet. Blurred reflections of the torch flames glittered and danced on the surface. My arms screamed in agony and I could feel the cuffs of my chains working slowly into the skin of my wrists. I started to cry. It became apparent to me where I was. I knew that I had finally made it to the black fortress, just not in the way I had hoped for. I assumed the throbbing from my head was probably from being hit. It would explain the bright flash and the blackness. What tortures awaited me here?

New despair washed over me as I realized that I had failed. I would soon just be new blood for the Red River and if Andrew was still alive I would never see him again. I let out a tortured sob. He would never know I tried. He would never know how far I had come, the lengths I had went to in the name of our love, in the name of the only sacred thing that I knew.

I let it fall out of me, the screams and the tears I had held back as I had climbed through the tunnel. I let go of the strength that I had clung to for survival. I tried to resign myself to the thought of already being dead and that soon I would know peace, if this weren't hell that I was already in. I hung my head and cried hysterically. I felt a great release, but at the same time, I could feel that the release was dangerous. I knew I was teetering on the brink of madness. I decided that maybe that was better. Maybe if I was mad I wouldn't be afraid when they slaughtered me. Maybe the queen herself would greet me as they sharpened the blades. Maybe I would have the chance to spit in her face before they cut me open and drained me dry. I prayed for that, for one moment's justice. I screamed as loud as I could. I wanted whatever world was out there to hear it, to share in my agony. Maybe my screams would make them come faster. Maybe they would hurry up and get the execution over with if I irritated them enough.

For what seemed like hours I cried and screamed until my voice was gone completely. I was utterly exhausted. Nothing and no one came. From time to time I would see a rodent scurry across the floor. My destroyed shoulder kept me from passing out. It felt as if someone was stabbing it over and over. I wasn't sure if it was an infection or the angle at which I was chained which caused this exquisite pain. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

A few moments later I heard someone or something approaching. I felt fear stirring within me. I guess emotion never really runs dry. I saw the shadow of whatever approached on the hall floor beyond the bars of my cell. Finally I saw it. It was a gangleus. Its black form wavered, never taking a permanent shape. It looked in on me with its evil red eyes.

"What the fuck are you looking at?!" I attempted to scream at it. My words came out only as a raspy whisper. My vocal chords still had not recovered from the hours before.

It tilted the blob that was its head to the side and its body shook with the laughter that proceeded. It had a deep booming laugh, the kind that you would imagine a monster in a cheesy horror movie would have.

"Such brave words coming from such a brave girl," it said, every word saturated in ridicule and sarcasm. "I believe the answer to your question would be I am looking at a prisoner, a pathetic little girl who could not get the job done." It laughed again.

Fury filled me. This thing laughed at my failure, at my agony. I wanted to claw at it and beat it until my hands were covered in its blood, if it had any. I wanted to make it feel as I felt. If only my hands were free, I would make this creature suffer inexplicable pain.

"What are you going to do now? You are chained to a wall. Your journey is over. Whatever the queen decides to do with you is the only future that you have now. Maybe she will make you her pet," he laughed cruelly again.

"Where is Andrew?" I said; my raspy words filled with hate.

"Oh yes, Andrew, I almost forgot," he chuckled, "the whole reason you are here. Well, Andrew is right here, in this very fortress. He is alive. I think the queen has taken a real liking to him. Maybe he will be her future king."

"I will kill her! I will slice her throat! I will cut out her heart and rip it to shreds!" I had found my voice once more as it echoed through the cell and down the hall.

"How exactly do you plan to do that? You are chained to a wall. You are defeated. The queen gets what she wants and if your Andrew is what she wants she will have him. Maybe if you're really good, she will let you live and serve them like the pathetic sniveling slave you are."

"Andrew loves me, he would never submit," I said with complete confidence. I spit on the floor in the monster's general direction.

"Perhaps you are right. Either way I hope I get to see how it works out. Leaving you alive and in agony would be so much more entertaining than killing you."

I struggled against the chains. I wanted nothing more to be free so that I could destroy the gangleus and whatever stood in my path to Andrew. I vowed to myself that if I found the opportunity I would escape and cause such suffering that even if any of the creatures or the queen lived, they would be too afraid to ever inflict such misery on anyone again.

The gangleus walked off and called out to me over his shoulders, "Sweet dreams."

I smoldered. I had so much rage inside that I felt it would consume me and burn me to a cinder. I wished they had just taken action; that the queen would just decide on what sick sadistic cruel torture she wanted given. I thought of Andrew alive in this fortress. The gangleus said that the queen had taken a liking to him. I sneered at the thought. I wondered if he was in a cell like I was or if she had him in some room captive. My mind flashed back to the nightmare I had in the tunnel; the look of horror on Andrews face. It infuriated me that I was so close to him now, that maybe only down the hallway Andrew was waiting, like me, for the end of everything. Maybe they would slaughter us together, or make one of us watch the other die before dying. My mind roamed over all of the morbid possibilities. I found myself numb to the horror of the different scenes my imagination played out. After all, even if you inflict wounds over and over, doesn't a person go into shock at some point? Maybe it was possible that my mind had reached that point.

At some point I fell asleep. No nightmares tormented me. My body had finally given in to the complete and total emotional and physical exhaustion that plagued me. I awoke to a burning sensation on my leg. It was very dull at first and then progressed to an excruciating pain that spread across my right calf. I felt little legs crawling up my leg now. My mind took me back to the conversation Meep and I had exchanged before I entered the tunnel. The part about fire spiders came to mind.

Though I was in great pain, I made myself stay perfectly still. I had no idea how much damage was done to my leg, but whatever it was would not be made better by encouraging the spider to inflict another injury. The spider moved it way up my abdomen, its tiny legs tickling my skin. I restrained against the urge to squirm. I knew if the acid was potent enough to eat a hole, that an abdomen injury would mean certain death. It moved its way up my breast, and across my nipple, making it stand erect in response to the tickling of its legs. I cringed, waiting for the acid to hit, but the spider just kept moving. It moved up my neck onto my face. Luckily I had thought enough to close my mouth before it had reached this point. It crawled up onto the bridge of my nose and paused. I stared at its fiery red body. I could see its black eyes staring at me, as if to taunt me. Many minutes passed. The spider just stared on. The burning sensation on my calf was driving me mad. Even worse, I felt as though I might sneeze. Almost as if it sensed this, it crawled up the bridge of my nose to my forehead and jumped onto my left hand. All of the sudden I heard a sizzling sound. Had it spit on my hand? I didn't feel anything.

All of the sudden I felt the air hit the sweat on my wrist where the cuff had been. I looked up to see that the cuff now had a gaping hole in it. I slid my hand out and looked up just in time to see the spider spit on the right cuff and watch it corrode as the left had. I pulled my other arm out and collapsed to the floor. I looked up at the spider and watched it crawl into one of the crevices in the wall.

I was completely dumbfounded. Why would the spider have helped me? It had injured me and then helped me. My head tried to wrap itself around the idea. Maybe the spider had seen the misery and desperation in my eyes. Maybe the spider had only spit on my leg because I had startled it by moving in my sleep. Regardless of why it had done what it had done I was deeply thankful. I looked down now at my calf. A large oozing wound covered most of the surface. I was relieved that it wasn't worse. The spider must have used a much larger amount of acid on the cuffs or my leg would be eaten down to the bone. I knew that I had to try and stand up, first to see if I could stand, and then so I could maybe look for a way out. I pushed myself up with my exhausted arms, putting most of my weight on my left leg at first and then trying to transfer some of the weight to my right. My right calf protested in agony and I shifted the weight back over to my left side. I had almost screamed but had stopped myself, not wanting to bring the gangleus back before I had some sort of plan or escape route. I slowly put weight back on my right leg again. I bit down on my bottom lip as I equalized the weight. It was no time to be a pussy. I had to be able to walk, or no escape would work.

I made myself shuffle around the small cell that held me. At first I was only able to take slow tiny steps, but as time progressed, so did my stride. The pain lessened, or so it seemed. I entertained the possibility that I was just growing numb to it. Once I was sure that I could walk at least semi-decently, I approached the barred entrance of my cell to look for any week points. I examined each bar closely. They all seemed to be strong and in good upkeep. I tried squeezing my way through the bars, but found that as I suspected I was much too big. I started scouring the walls, looking for loose stones. I found nothing. The only thing left to do was to form some sort of plan.

I sat on the floor for a very long time, pondering on how to go about my attempt to escape. I had decided that I should wait for the gangleus to come whenever it next decided to come instead of causing a commotion to draw its attention. Hopefully, like the last time, it would come alone. It would be challenging regardless of how many came, but with only one it was much more feasible. I could slip my arms back up into the chains when the gangleus approached. Perhaps it would be coming to collect me for whatever torture I was due and open the entrance to the cell. I would wait for it to cross over far enough from the entrance so that I could attack it. Upon defeating it, I would exit the cell and try to find something to serve as a weapon to protect myself as I searched for Andrew. The likelihood of things working out the way that I imagined was very slim, but it was worth a shot.

I stretched my muscles and rested up as I waited to hear the gangleus approach. I needed all the strength that I could conjure after sustaining so many injuries and being so physically taxed. I knew this would be my last attempt. I would either overcome the gangleus or die trying. I decided it was time for me to have a conversation with god for the first time in over ten years of my life. I wasn't a religious person, but since I was facing death, I figured it wise to make my peace.

"God, I know you and I haven't really been that close over the past decade. I know I have done some bad things and made some even worse choices. I can honestly say I have tried my best up to this point, and if given the chance to keep living, I promise to try even harder. If I do die here in this cell, please watch over Andrew and keep him safe. If we should meet today, I hope that you can look upon me in forgiveness and that you can let me find peace. Thanks for all I was ever given," and I left it at that.

No sooner had I quit speaking than I heard shuffling coming down the hall. I quietly stood up and tiptoed back over to the wall. I placed my hands in the corroded cuffs and grabbed them to cover the holes with my fingers. I hoped that it was dim enough for the gangleus to not take notice of how unnatural the position of my hands probably looked.

The gangleus looked in on me. He stared for a few moments and began to speak, "What, no smart words this time?"

I simply returned his stare saying nothing in return.

"Perhaps you have learned your place. Either way, I was sent to get you. The queen wants you cleaned up and brought to see her."

I felt a stir of panic. Though I had originally planned to attack, it seemed that it might be wiser to allow myself to be taken to the queen. I would have a better idea of the layout of the castle. Perhaps she would have Andrew with her. Maybe I could destroy her and get Andrew back at the same time.

The gangleus spread out its undefined arms and brought them back together. The cell door opened. It seemed that it did not need a key to get in and out. What magic was at work here? It made the same movement a few feet in front of me and I allowed my arms to drop as if the cuffs had been unlocked. The gangleus didn't seem to take notice of anything being awry. It waved its arms to motioning me forward, and suddenly my feet were no longer touching the ground. I was being carried by some unseen force. I suddenly became very aware that if I had attacked this creature, if that was even possible to begin with, that I would have been on the losing side of the battle. The gangleus walked forward out of the cell and I floated just behind it. I tried to move my legs, to see if I would be able to resist if necessary. My legs remained completely still despite my greatest effort. I decided to focus on my surroundings, to try to create a mental map in my mind of the places that we passed through incase I needed to find my way around the fortress if Andrew and I could escape.

We floated down the hall past several cells. There were creatures of all varieties contained within them. To the left we passed what looked like a lion with a horse's head. Its golden fur seemed tattered and dirty. Its tail was bent and broken in several places. The mane of hair surrounding its head was in knots and tangles. Its eyes burned a fiery blue and in those eyes I saw despair. At the end of its snout, a white mist came from its nostrils. It whinnied and my heart jumped. All I could do was look away helplessly. I looked to my right and was startled to see three lackels locked up together, snarling at me and drooling as I pass by. In the next cell was a creature with a womanly shape, pink skin, a pink, snout-like nose, and hooves on her hands and feet. Her eyes look wild and frightened as she snorted and squealed while we passed by. I thought to myself that all of these creatures would soon meet some sort of ugly fate. I wondered what their crimes were or if they had even committed any crimes at all. After all, I hadn't committed any crimes, and I was being put through unimaginable suffering.

Upon reaching the end of the hallway we started to climb a spiral staircase. It too was built with black stones and had smooth black stairs. Torches lit the way every few feet. We climbed for what seemed to be four stories. There were several hallways and stairways that branched out from the one we were on. This place was obviously massive. The gangleus stepped off of the stairway and through a red velvet curtain. The hallway we entered was a much different scene than what I had seen coming up.
Chapter 5:

White marbled tiles swirled with black stretched down the long hallway. Windows were scattered every few feet down the left wall. They were adorned with heavy red velvet curtains much like the one we passed through to get into the hallway. Grey light spilled though the windows onto the hallway floors, giving the hallway a truly eerie feel. We moved down the hallway and I couldn't help but admire the magnificence of all that surrounded me. There were grand chairs made of cherry wood and gold and red silk. There were devastatingly beautiful statues. Some were of maternal figures with peaceful faces, holding children or baskets of fruit and bread, draped in flowing fabrics. Some were of vibrant young men, nude, in some pensive pose. Others were griffins, fauns, mermaids, and other creatures you would expect from a C.S. Lewis novel or a fairy tale. Then there was the artwork. Paintings of fantastical landscapes colored the walls. Fields of fresh flowers, mountains, waterways, beaches, and cities were all framed by amazingly detailed woodwork. There was so much beauty that the cold look of the black stone behind them was barely noticeable. Here and there would be cherry wood armoires and desks, with flowers and vines carved into them, topped with bronze candelabras holding ivory candles. As they burned I could smell the scent of magnolias permeating from the burning wax. The doors, oversized, most of them double with crystal doorknobs, were also fashioned out of cherry wood, amazing scenes carved into each one. There were scenes of people farming, of beautiful gardens with hummingbirds and butterflies, or lovers intertwined under a grove of trees. I was thoroughly impressed. It was hard to believe that such a lover of art could be such a cruel and sadistic person.

We reached the last door on the right side of the hallway. The gangleus moved its arms in the same fashion that it had in the cell. The double doors parted and we entered a great room. The ceiling was high. It met in a point over a massive bed that was set on a pedestal at the far end of the room. Jade colored chiffon floated down from the ceiling parting over the bed. The bed had four posts, carved out of a deep colored mahogany. Carved, intricate vines wrapped around the large posts. Jade satin covered the bed with small darker colored leaves and white flowers embroidered on the comforter. Against the right wall was a large mahogany armoire, with flowers and vines carved into the edges. A large full length mirror framed in brass stood next to it. A large painting of a morning meadow scene was centered on the wall over a mahogany table scattered with cosmetics, crystal perfume holders, a three prong brass candelabra and a small mirror. On the left wall under the window was a large white claw foot tub.

At that moment I realized for the first time that there were three other creatures in the room. They stood next to the tub, each of them identical in white flowing linen gowns. Their skin was sallow, their hair an unkempt mass of dull, dirty brown. Their eyes had dark shadows beneath them. They would have looked completely human had it not been for their completely black eyes.

My feet touched the floor for the first time since we had left the cell. I looked over to the gangleus and then to the three woman creatures, waiting for someone to move or say something.

"Get her cleaned up. The queen will want to see her soon. She needs to look presentable," the gangleus said with its gruff voice. It turned its back to exit and laughed quietly as it exited the room.

No sooner than the door had shut that the three woman creatures started coming towards me. It was as if they didn't walk, but floated over the tile. I tried to think of something to say, but my mind was a complete blank. They surrounded me on all three sides and ripped off my negligee.

I threw up my hands and yelled, "Hey! What are you doing?"

They reached down and tore off my underwear effortlessly. They pushed me back onto the marble floor. I let out a groan as my left shoulder protested in agony as it hit the cold tile. They pulled off my flip flops, grabbed both of my arms and pulled me up off of the floor. The air was cold against my naked flesh. Goosebumps stood out on every inch of me. They pulled me over to the tub.

"Wait a minute, I will get in myself. Just don't throw me ok?" I looked at each one and plead with my eyes. I stepped into the tub and screamed as the warm water hit my many scrapes and wounds. The acid burn on my right calf caused a stabbing pain to run up my leg as I lowered myself further into the water. I removed the makeshift bandage from my left shoulder. Pus, scabs and destroyed flesh appeared in front of my eyes. My stomach turned over and I thought I might vomit. One of the woman creatures dipped a sponge into the tub and squeezed water over my shoulder. I screamed in agony. Tears of pain ran down my face.

All of the sudden, I felt all of their hands on my head at once shoving it down under the water. I began to struggle, sloshing water over the side of the tub as my arms and my legs flailed. They pulled me up by my hair and giggled in unison. Their voices had an ethereal bell like quality. They poured a fluid that smelled like rose petals into my hair and started to work it in. After a few minutes they dunked my head back under, rinsing the rose soap out of my hair. They threw the sponge at me from earlier.

"You may wash yourself," the three voices snapped.

I ran I moved the sponge lightly over my skin, going over all of the angry looking scrapes on my pale skin. The bath water had become murky from all of the dirt that had covered me. I scrubbed my face with the sponge, sighing as the warm water ran across my face. I wondered why the queen was doing this. Why clean me up? It made no sense to put me through so much just to polish me up now.

The three woman creatures pulled me up out the tub, shoving plush white towels, as soft as Egyptian cotton into my hands.

"Dry yourself off," they commanded.

I wrapped one of the towels around my hair and stepped out of the tub. I began to dry myself off being careful not to rub against my large wounds.

As I dried off, the three of them walked over to the armoire. They started filling their arms with items. They started laying the items on the edge of the bed and motioned for me to come over to where they are. When I got to the side of the bed where they stood I looked at the items scattered on the bedspread. There was a long silver satin gown, a white corset and white lacy underpants, a silver shawl, and a pair of silver heels. I stared at the garments in disbelief. Why in the world was I being dressed up?

Before I could ask, one of the woman creatures took the towel from my hair and lifted my arms, her black eyes moving in their sockets as she looked me over. The other two woman creatures pulled the white corset over my head down to my middle section. They began to pull violently on the laces, making it hard for me to breathe. I took in a breath to begin my protest, but before I could say anything the woman creature that held my arms reached back and smacked me in my face. The sting remained long after as shocked tears ran down my cheeks. There was a coppery blood taste in my mouth. The smack had slightly busted both of my lips.

The woman creature handed me the lacy underpants and I put them on, with no questions or protest. She lifted my arms again as they slipped the lustrous silver gown onto me. The woman creature reached over to the bed and picked up the sterling heels. I slipped them onto my feet.

As soon as the heels were in place I was being pulled over to the dressing table. One of the woman creatures picked up a large brush covered in harsh looking bristles. She began to work out the tangles of my hair, causing my head to jerk back often, taking no care to be gentle. One of the others began on my makeup. She brushed powders and smoothed liquids over my face, accentuating my cheeks with rouge, applying a berry colored balm to my somewhat swollen lips. She dusted a silvery shadow over my eyes, lined them with charcoal and darkened my lashes. The third woman creature started to cover my exposed skin with a jasmine scented powder that irritated my scratched up flesh. Luckily, she was kind enough to avoid my destroyed left shoulder. She spritzed my neck and wrists with a floral perfume.

The final touch to my little "makeover" was two silver combs decorated with realistic looking silver roses being placed into my hair to hold the top of it back. The three woman creatures backed away from me and walked over to the bed. One of them walked back over to me and brought me the silver shawl.

"You will use this to cover your shoulder when you appear in front of the queen." Her eyes bore down into mine and I just nodded in compliance. "We will leave you now. The queen will see you shortly."

The three woman creatures floated out of the room. They slammed the doors behind them and I heard the turn of a lock afterwards. I stood up and walked over to the full length mirror to have a look at myself. My straw colored hair fell in silky strands to my shoulders. My grey eyes returned the sparkle of the silver shadow that was dusted on the lids around them. I would have looked like a princess if it weren't for all of the little angry red marks that covered me. My left shoulder looked diseased. It was truly the definition of repulsive. I prayed that if I made it out of this alive that my arm would not need to be amputated.

I walked over to the window to see the outside for the first time. Mountaintops stretched out as far as the eye could see. Fog encircled them like halos. I could see no bottom, no valley to the jagged structures. I started to honestly wonder if I could have ever made it through the tunnel to get here, had I not been captured. We seemed to be very high up, maybe over a day's journey to the ground. A flock of black birds with red eyes were flying by in the distance, their screeching echoing through the mountains.

I turned away from the gloominess of the window and walked over to the bed. Since I was to meet the queen, and apparently no one wanted to kill me yet, I decided a small nap couldn't hurt. I kicked off the silver heels at the side of the bed. I laid down upon the satin comforter smoothing out my dress and placing my hair behind me as I settled in. My face sunk into the softness of the pillow. My muscles relaxed one by one. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I walked through the grand hallway, my silver gown flowing around me. The hallway seemed to stretch for miles and miles. My pace was brisk. Andrew was waiting for me. Joy radiated through my entire body. A brilliant smile was painted across my lips. As I passed each door my joy grew because I knew I was closer. The end of the hallway came into view. Two pearly white doors were there. The doors were trimmed and gold and adorned with cherubs atop clouds with golden lining. Tears of happiness flowed down my face as I closed the distance.

I reached the doors and took in a deep breath as I pulled at the golden knobs. My eyes were over whelmed by the décor. Everything was drenched in pearl white and gold, the furniture, the draperies, the ivory four post bed tied with white chiffon drapes with gold lining. My face fell as I looked on the bed. All of the sudden, it was hard to find the air. I was unable to breathe in, being suffocated by the weight of the image before my eyes.

There Andrew was, sleeping peacefully under the covers with some woman by his side, a peaceful smile stretched across his beautiful face. She smiled a victorious grin at me from the pillow next to him, her shiny chocolate colored hair framing her pale face, her brown eyes shining evilly with glee.

I tried to bring myself to move, to do something. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I began to fly backwards, the woman's laughter filling the hallway as doors, statues, curtains, and furniture turned into a blur. As I screamed, I knew that I would never be able to stop screaming. I would scream forever and it would be my hell to bear.

I woke up screaming. I clutched my hair and began searching my surrounding franticly to make sure it was only a dream. My eyes rested upon the figures that stood at the end of my bed and my screaming was silenced by the fear that now choked me.

There she stood. She was a slender, graceful woman. Her chocolate hair curled at her shoulders and her chestnut eyes glowed beneath long lashes. She wore a long black gown that fit her slim figure snugly. Her red lips were curled into the most curious smile. Her skin was pale, but darker than mine. Her high cheekbones were colored ever so lightly with rouge. My stomach tied in knots under her gaze. I took note that she had brought two guards with her. There was one gangleus on each side, staring down at me as well.

"You were having a nightmare," she giggled. Her voice was youthful. I wondered how old she was.

I stared at her unsure of what to say. I wanted to harm her, to do all of the terrible things that I had resolved to do earlier, but I would be unable to while her protectors stood watch.

"Where is Andrew?" My voice sounded groggy as if I was not fully awake yet.

"Oh, don't you worry, he is close by. You will get to see him soon enough. You are very lucky you know. He is an amazing man," she said, smiling down at me with her devil's grin. Her words stung me like acid. I could feel the fury rising in me once again. "I will leave you to freshen up a little bit. We wouldn't want you looking anything but your best when you see Andrew. These two will bring you to the Grand Room when you are ready." She winked at me as she walked away. I wanted to smack the smirk off of her child-like face.

"Brush your hair! Straighten yourself up! You heard her!" the gangleus to the right shouted. At first I refused to move. I would be damned if I did anything the little bitch had to say. Then, I found myself being levitated over to the dressing table. When my feet hit the floor again the gangleus spoke again, "I suggest you do as she said to do. If you refuse we will have to force you and I promise you, you won't like it."

I sat down at the dressing table and removed the silver combs from my hair so that I could brush it out. I ran the brush through the few tangles that I had accumulated during my nap. I stared into the small mirror on the table and placed the combs where they had been originally. I ran my pinky finger under my eyes to straighten out my smudged eyeliner. I opened the small ornate silver pot of berry colored balm that the woman creature had used earlier. I applied a small amount, flinching as my finger ran over my lips where they had been busted.

"Ok, I am ready," I stated in annoyance looking back and forth at the two gangleus.

"Not quite," one of them said. It walked over to the bead and picked up the silver shawl. It approached me and threw it in my face. "Cover up that disgusting shoulder and put on your shoes."

I shot the gangleus a look of complete and total hatred. I gently wrapped the shawl around my shoulders. My left shoulder stung when the fabric touched it, but the sensation passed quickly. I walked over to the side of the bed where I had kicked off the heels earlier and slipped my feet into them. I held my hand out to the sides and did a quick turn as if I was modeling.

"There. Are you satisfied now?"

They just huffed at me and turned away. My feet left the ground and I was floating after them as they moved to exit the room. The doors opened. As we made our way out into the hallway I wondered if I was really about to see Andrew or if it was just some cruel trick the queen was submitting me to. I prayed either way that he was unharmed and tried to remain skeptical, knowing that allowing myself such a high hope could be mentally disastrous if her words did prove to be false.

We moved through the double doors at the end of the hallway into a new hallway. The hallway was much like the last hallway. There were sculptures of children playing, of gods and goddesses from past mythologies, and of lovers dancing. There were more fantastical paintings, most of them of night scenes and schooners or great ships sailing. This time the curtains were a translucent royal blue. The furnishings were carved out of a golden oak, accented with bold blue and white paisley fabrics. The doors were all oak as well. The candelabras were brass as opposed to bronze, complimenting the blues that dominated here. Everything was perfectly matched. The scent of magnolias from the candles filled the hall like the last.

I thought about how much of a deception there was here. Any creature would enter here and find themselves overtaken by the beauty of the art, the décor, the care taken in every minute detail. How could you not find yourself lucky, surrounded by such rich extravagance? However it was all a façade. This place was truly death disguised by a beautiful mask to cover up the decay. Madness ran ramped under the beauty. Somewhere in this castle slaughters were taking place to fill the river that ran to the queens bathing pool. I tried to keep this in mind as we traveled down this exquisite hallway as to not find myself under the spell of the place's beauty.

We came to a corner and took a right. The mood shifted immediately. The hallway was dark and windowless. Burgundy chiffon came down from the ceiling, separating the hallway into small sections. Burgundy candles burned on black ornate candleholders attached to the walls. They provided the only light here. Without them, the corridor would be lost to darkness. There were paintings of medieval looking people on the walls. All of their faces were morbid or twisted into scowls. It felt as though I had entered Dracula's castle. All warmth and comfort that had radiated from the art and beauty of the halls that had proceeded here quickly faded. We came to the end of the hallway. The dark mahogany double door that stood there sent shivers up my spine. In it was a scene of destruction. Human skulls, warring angels, snarling demons, and death were etched into every inch of this gruesome entrance.

The gangleus on the right looked to the one on the right and they nodded simultaneously. They moved their arms back and brought them together in one synchronized motion. The doors opened and we floated into a large room that reminded me of a cathedral. The black stone walls were rounded. The same black candleholders from the hallway and stained glass windows stood as the only ornaments for their bleakness. The windows were a horrific thing to behold. Scenes of sacrifices, people being thrown into hellfire, murders, and betrayals were painted across them. Heartbreaking, tortured, symphonic music played on my heartstrings as it flowed through my ears. The violins sounded as if they were crying; mourning the loss of someone they loved. I could not find the source of the music as I scanned the room. A single, wide, plush burgundy rug lay in the center of the room. A burgundy couch sat at each of the four corners surrounding a wide, round, mahogany table. All of the legs of the furniture had been carved into what looked like bear paws which only added to the already very morbid feel of the room.

I heard a door shut behind me. I took notice that my wardens had left me as I looked backward. I started to search the room, looking for some purpose for me to have been brought here and left alone. My eyes widened as they came to rest on the far corner of the room. It felt as though my heart might stop.

There he stood, radiant, and devastatingly beautiful. It was Andrew. He wore his navy blue work scrubs, his rich brown hair slightly curling at his jaw. He looked completely unscathed, not a scratch on his perfect olive toned skin. I stood drinking the vision of him in, as though I had never seen him before. I searched his face. He looked tired, emotionally strung out, and melancholy. Dark shadows rested under his glowing hazel eyes, which were just a little greener than usual.

I had to remind myself to breathe, noticing that I was light headed. I wanted so much to run forward, for it to be real, but at the same time I was terrified that I would be disappointed once more. I gathered up my courage and went to run, but stopped just as quickly as I started.

There she stood, just a few feet from him. He towered over her, as he did most people, but she did not look intimidated. She quickly glanced over to me and a smile played at the corner of her lips. She looked back over at Andrew and up into his eyes.

"Andrew, why don't we move over to one of the couches? We will be able to continue our conversation much more comfortably there," she said, a smile apparent in her voice as she held out her arm toward the couches suggestively. She began to walk forward and he followed her, his head hung low, staring at the floor.

She lowered herself gracefully onto the couch farthest from where I stood. She patted the cushion next to her, motioning for him to sit down. She flipped her hair back behind her, her vibrant chocolate hair bouncing as is it were made of springs. He sat, but kept his distance. I smiled. This charade had gone on long enough.

I walked forward and called out to him, "Andrew, I am here!" However, he did not stir. He did not even glance upward. I quickened my pace toward them, careful to not twist my ankles in the ridiculous heels that I wore and called out again. "Baby, I am here. Look, it's me, Torey." He still did not move. I began to run, slightly alarmed.

As, I made it to the edge of the burgundy rug, I fell backward. I stood up, confused, and started to approach again; this time slowly with my hands held out in front of me. As I came to the edge of the rug, my hands came to rest on a barrier of sorts. Though I could feel it, I was unable to see it. I began to bang against it with my fists in attempt to break it. The queen looked over at me again and grinned

"So, Andrew, where were we before I so rudely interrupted?" she beamed over at him, consuming him with her eyes.

Andrew sat completely still. It was as though he was in a trance. He stared at the floor, his expression hollow, his hands resting folded in his lap. My curiosity over what he had been through since he arrived burned inside of me. I longed to go over, to wipe away the despair from his face.

"That's right we were discussing Torey," she continued, her grin widening.

I started to bang on the barrier harder, "You bitch! Let me talk to him! Let him see me!" Angry, mascara stained tears fell down my face.

Andrew looked up and I stopped banging. For a moment I thought he had actually heard me. Then he looked over at her, and I realized that he was just preparing to reply to her.

"Torey? Is she here? Do I get to see her?" His voice sounded completely flat, emotionless. My god, what had they done to him.

"Well, that depends on you really," she said playfully. "I have a proposition for you." Her face was victorious. It was as if she already had what she sought after.

"What proposition?' he replied, his words acidic.

"Well, I will let you see Torey. I will even allow you to spend the entire evening with her. In the morning I will send her home unharmed, but you will stay here with me," she flashed him a smile.

He stared at her and shook his head in disapproval and disgust. "I will never agree to that."

"Ok, well you do have another option. You can see Torey. You can go home. As a matter of fact you can even go home together." She stopped, leaning her head to the side, eagerly anticipating what he would say to that.

"You would let us go?" His eyes lit up. His voice was full of child-like innocence.

"Yes, you could go. You could leave together, but I don't think you will be very happy if you do," she replied, purposely being vague. My blood boiled. I hated the way she was toying with him.

"I don't think I follow," he replied confused, his brow furrowing with concern.

"Well, you could leave together, but Torey's blood will be forfeited as the price. Take her home with you if you like. You could arrange a nice funeral for her. I think she would just look breathtaking. Can you imagine, her pale skin, her golden hair surrounded by white lilies, purple orchids perhaps? What do you think?" She started to laugh.

I wanted nothing more than to be able to talk to Andrew right then. I wanted to tell him to agree to nothing. I did not care how many minions she had. If she wanted my blood she would have to fight me for it. She could have Andrew over my dead body, and only under the literal sense of that would I allow it to be possible. I clenched my fists, homicidal thoughts stirring in my mind.

I could see the anger rising in his face. "You are insane! I will never stay here with you! I will never allow you to harm Torey!" His eyes darkened in their rage, burning at her. His scowl was very menacing and intimidating. I don't think I had ever seen him look so frightening in all of my years of knowing him.

"Is that so," she replied calmly, clearly amused and completely unaffected by his angry words. She snapped her fingers and instantaneously two gangleus were at his side. He was held, paralyzed by whatever magic they possessed. She snapped her fingers again and all of the sudden two gangleus appeared at my side as well. I tried to struggle unsuccessfully.

"Torey, it is so nice to have you join our little chat," she said, her voice overbearingly sweet.

Andrew glanced over and saw me. His eyes widened and started brimming with tears as he looked me over head to toe. "Torey?"

My heart skipped a beat as I realized that he could see me for the first time. I started falling apart piece by piece, "Oh Andrew, "I sobbed," I am so sorry. I tried so hard. I tried to save you. I have failed us both." I unraveled into a hysterical mess, finding it hard to breathe between the cries escaping my throat.

He stared at me, tortured, helpless. "Please don't cry. Baby, it's ok. It's going to be ok," He had started to cry. I could hear the doubt he had behind his own words.

The queen stared at us both, extending her lower lip to mock us. "Isn't that sweet? What a nice little reunion. As touching as I find all of this, I would really like to wrap this up. So, Andrew, it is time for you to decide."

Andrew looked over at her in disbelief. "I already told you, I am not staying here! If you harm her I will make you regret it if it is the last thing I do!"

The queen rolled her eyes and sighed. She nodded at one the gangleus that stood next to me. I found myself falling to the floor. The other gangleus stepped out of the room. For a moment there was silence. No one moved or said anything. I stared at the door, waiting for the gangleus to come back.

The door opened and the gangleus entered with a small knife in his hand and an old fashioned pitcher like they had in old time movies for a washing basin. I didn't have to guess what they were for. Terror possessed me at hand. I looked over to Andrew, trying to look to conjure up my bravest face. I smiled a weak smile.

"Andrew, I love you so much. You know that right?" My lips quivered as I tried to keep myself from crying. "I want you to know that I am sorry for everything I have ever done to hurt you. I always thought it would be you and I, happy forever. That is all I wanted, was to make you happy." Tears rolled down my cheeks despite my greatest attempts to hold them back.

Andrew started shaking his head in disbelief, his eyes switching from me to the knife clad gangleus. "Why are you talking like that? There is nothing to be sorry for. We're going to be fine. WE ARE GOING TO BE FINE!" he screamed as if he increased the volume of his words it would make them truer.

The gangleus crossed over into the line of my vision. I floated up from the floor to an upright position. It moved its right arm out ward to its side and my body mimicked its movement. The gangleus looked over to the queen and I followed its gaze. Her look was ecstatic, madness dwelled behind her eyes. She nodded.

It was all so quick that I didn't even feel it at first. It was when Andrew started to scream that the pain set in. The gangleus had sliced my arm. Blood dripped steadily from my arm into the pitcher that it held. The cut was not as deep as I feared it was at first, but without a bandage or medical attention, I knew that I would lose quite a bit of blood. Either way, my gut told me that this would not be the last injury that I would sustain. She had said that she would bleed me dry if he didn't stay. I looked over to Andrew.

Andrew's face was caught in that horrified expression from my nightmare in the tunnel. Tears flowed down his cheeks. He looked as though he might get sick. I started shaking my head at him. It was as if I could read his thoughts. He wanted to save me. What he didn't really see was that saving me would be far worse than death. Saving me meant an eternity at home while he was captive here, with only my nightmares for company.

"So, what do you say Andrew? Do you want Torey to go home breathing or will you be arranging that lovely funeral we were discussing?" She laughed as she walked up to him and stroked his face with her very feminine graceful hands.

"NO! Leave her alone!" He roared. Sobs came floating out of his throat.

"No?" she said teasingly. She nodded and the gangleus raised the knife again. I close my eyes and braced myself for another cut.

"WAIT!" Andrew screamed. I opened my eyes. The queen raised her hand and the gangleus paused.

"Yes," she said, glee filling her voice.

"I will stay," he sobbed, "please just don't hurt her anymore."

"NO! Andrew, you can't! Please Andrew, take it back. I would rather die! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! I WOULD RATHER DIE!" I stared at him, waiting for his glance to meet mine, but he wouldn't look at me.

The queen snapped her fingers and a scroll appeared in her hand. "I guess we have a deal then? Is that right?"

"Yes," he said in almost a whisper, staring at the floor. His head hung defeated.

I screamed in protest over and over, but no one even looked at me. I wanted to rip my hair out. I could not believe what was happening. How could he agree? How could he give in? My rage consumed me and I started to hyperventilate.

Andrew finally looked over to me with the most tortured gaze. He glanced back over at the queen and she smiled.

"Well, just a quick prick of the finger and we will be done here then. After that you can spend your last evening together." Her happiness flowed out of her and filled the room. It felt as if it was burning my skin. All I could think was of all the different ways that I wanted to kill her, of how I wanted to smash her young beautiful face.

The gangleus that held the knife that had cut me walked over to where they were. He pulled one of Andrew's hands forward and touched the tip of the knife to his pointer finger. The queen unraveled the scroll and held the bottom of it next to Andrew's finger.

"Just touch right there on the line and we have a deal," she chimed.

I held my breath, hoping Andrew would wisely change his mind at the last minute. His finger touched the paper and I knew at that moment that all was lost.

The queen sat the scroll on the table as she began to walk over to me. She stopped a couple feet short of me. I thought it was wise of her considering I would spit in her eye if she ventured any closer.

"It has truly been a pleasure Torey. I have to say, I admire your courage. I mean you did try. You made it a lot farther than I thought you would. When those lackels attacked, I thought you were a goner for sure," she mused. She stood just staring at me as it soaked in. She had known I was coming the whole time. She had seen my every move. I just stared at her. I was rendered completely speechless. "Now, don't you worry about Andrew because I promise to take extra special care of him. He will want for nothing while he is here. In time, he won't even remember you."

"Fuck you bitch! He will never forget me! I hope you burn in hell!" I screamed. I thought I might explode.

"That is very sweet. However, I think we both know, the only person who is going to be residing in hell will be you, once you get home." She winked at me, blew me a kiss and then addressed the gangleus. "Wrap up her arm. Take them back to her room. Let no one ever say that I am not merciful." All of them laughed in unison.

The gangleus with the knife walked over to me and cut a strip of fabric from my shawl. He tied it tightly around the wound on my right arm. Drops of blood started to spread across the sheer fabric. The gangleus all turned in unison and proceeded by turning Andrew and me with their will. We all started moving towards the exit.

I felt completely floored as we traveled through the hallways back to the room. What was there left to do? I wasn't sure how that contract worked, but something told me that the fact that he signed in blood made it supernaturally binding. What would happen if we tried to leave? Furthermore even if we escaped, she had seen my every move before, why wouldn't she be able to now? I felt nothing but utter despair and desperation. Tomorrow I would be going home. I would never see Andrew again. What would I tell his family? What would I tell our friends? What would I tell myself for that matter? How was I going to ever learn to live again? No one would ever believe what had happened. I would never be able to tell anyone. I would be left to slowly rot in my own insanity. My life would be void of all meaning, of all reason. I sunk lower and lower as reality set in. This was the last evening, the only evening where I would feel whole for the rest of eternity.

We approached the door. One gangleus made the arm motion I had grown accustomed to seeing and the doors opened. We all floated in. My feet touched the floor. I looked over and Andrew's had as well. The gangleus walked away and shut the door, locking it behind them. Andrew and I were left alone, staring gravely at each other.
Chapter 6:

Five minutes had passed and neither of us had moved. We just stood there staring at each other, as still as statues. I was afraid to move. I felt like if I did all sanity would leave me and I wouldn't be able to enjoy my last moments, not that I was enjoying them now. I wondered if he felt the same.

Finally, Andrew moved. He started to walk toward me. I shifted my gaze to the floor, the sight of him tearing me as well as my sanity into shreds. Somewhere inside I think I was trying to teach myself to not long for what was no longer mine. He stopped right in front of me, placing my right hand in his outstretched hand. He lifted his other hand and brought it to my chin, lifting my face to meet his. He looked down into my eyes and I screamed inside. His eyes were wet with fresh tears, making them all the more devastating and all the more beautiful. I found myself drowning in flecks of golden brown and green. I wanted to look away. My chest had become tight. I thought my heart was sure to stop. As the tears fell down his cheeks he leaned down, his full warm lips brushing against mine. My heart shattered and I knew that I would never again be able to piece it back together. He lifted his face away and I just stared up after him. The silence that had held us captive returned once more.

I turned away and walked toward the bed, Andrew's eyes following after me. Even in my misery it was still so beautiful, covered in the jade satin comforter adorned with the delicate white flowers. I sat down on the edge and removed my shawl. I looked up and Andrew's eyes had widened. I followed his gaze to my left shoulder. When I looked over at it, I found that I was no longer surprised by its grotesque appearance.

Andrew walked briskly over to me and sat down next to me, once again placing my hand in his.

"Torey?" The sound of his voice stomped all over the shards of my heart, making me wince. I couldn't look up. He grabbed my chin once more and turned my face towards his. "Torey, what happened to your shoulder," he paused, his eyes searching mine, "I mean what happened to you? "I looked at my shoulder once again apathetically and then looked back in his eyes. "Baby, what happened? Tell me," he said, his voice pleading with me.

My face crumbled. "Andrew I tried so hard!" I sobbed. "I just wanted to save you. I just wanted for us to go home together. I just wanted to have the chance to make up for every mistake I had ever made, to love you the way I had always meant to, if only I hadn't been so caught up in myself." I shook my head as I sobbed hysterically. He started to rub my back. I looked at him through my tears and threw his arm off of me and stood up, backing away. "NO! That will never happen now! You are hers now! I will never see you again. I... will... never..." I fell to my knees and grabbed them, rocking back and forth, my breathing jagged between my cries. I wanted to be able to be warm towards him. I wanted to so much to hold him. It wasn't as simple as that though. I couldn't get past the fact that this was it, that this was the end of us.

He stood up and walked over to me. He scooped me up off of the floor into his arms. I started to fight him and then just let go, letting the pain overtake me. Every breath I took in was filled with the scent of his aftershave. It was dizzying. I knew that I was losing it. He placed me gently on the bed, allowing my head to slowly slip onto the pillow. He walked to the end of the bed and crawled over next to me placing his arm around my waist.

"Torey please look at me, please talk to me. I had to do it. I couldn't stand there and watch you bleed to death. I just couldn't. Don't you understand?" He was the one who sobbed now. I stared at the ceiling, tears pouring from the sore corners of my eyes to the pillow. "I love you. I had to do it because I love you. I couldn't... I just... please?"

I turned to face him, no longer being able to take it. I would be brave. I could fall apart tomorrow. The one thing I knew I could no longer do was sit and torture him with my silence. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I held him as tightly as I could. His body heat radiated against mine. I could feel his heart beating rapidly, as was mine. I tried to focus on it, to remember the sensation of it, praying that I would never forget.

I backed away, looking him over, rememorizing every inch of his skin. I stared at his arms, his slender but well defined muscles, the veins that stood out on his forearms and hands. I stared at his face, his long, slender nose, his beautifully shaped eyebrows, his long lashes, the lines that stood at the corners of his eyes, his smile lines on his face. I memorized every freckle, every beauty mark. I caressed his cheek with my hand.

"I love you so much," I whispered as I tried to move past his eyes into his soul, praying that I would get trapped there, never being able to find my way out.

He stared at me for a moment and then pulled my forehead to his, "I love you more than you will ever know." Once again his lips brushed against mine. I pulled him to me, deepening the kiss. I tried to convey my feelings in that kiss, to make it say I love you, to make it scream that he was my life, the only thing I knew. Tears burned hot on my face, but I didn't move away. I just continued, trying to pull him closer, trying to press us together so that we might never be separated.

He pulled away from me, moving down to my right ankle, kissing it softly, pushing up my gown as he moved up to my shin. I flinched and gasped as he brushed his hand against the acid burn on my calf. He backed away and turned my leg to get a better look at the wound. He lifted my dress up higher and saw my scraped up knees. He looked up at me, his eyes full of pain.

"What happened?" he asked. His voice was uneven and overflowing with concern. I looked at him and frowned. I didn't want to rehash they nightmare journey to this moment. I knew that it would only bring him further down. "I can't just lay here and ignore it. I need to know."

"All right, come up here and lay with me, I will tell you," I replied, dismay overshadowing my words.

He scooted up the bed and laid down next to me so that we were face to face. I tried to think of where to start.

"I woke up around 10 a.m. to find the shower running. I looked through the house and you weren't there. Your cell phone was still at the house and so was your car, so I started calling everyone we know, but no one had heard from you. Later on when I went in the bathroom, a gangleus was there. They said that they had you and that if I wanted you back that I would have to come and get you. So, I climbed through the mirror and started walking. I ran across this friendly little furry creature name Meep," I paused, waiting for him to remark, but he just laid there, completely enthralled. "Anyway, Meep led me to his friend Baron's house. Baron was kind enough to give me a weapon and supplies for my journey. Then, we left to go to the Red River so I could go into the tunnel there that led to this place. Meep told me that he would go no further once we got to the entrance and I shimmied my way into the tunnel. I found a torch and started making my way towards here. Then the two lackels attacked me." Andrew stared at me confused.

"What are lackels?" His eyes glowed with curiosity.

"They are these black scaly creatures. They can climb walls and crawl on ceilings. They have the most frightening silver eyes you have ever seen and razor sharp teeth." I could see the fear in his eyes as I described them. "One of them came at me and I killed it with my machete, but it fell on top of me and I was unable to get back up before the next one was on top of me. I tried to gouge out its eyes with my thumbs, but it shook me off and bit into my left shoulder. I hit it over and over again and broke its nose and it fell backward. At that point I grabbed my machete and hacked it to pieces."

Andrew just stared at me for a few minutes, absorbing it all in. His eyes would rest on my face and then my shoulder. It was as if he was trying to wrap his mind around the idea that his tiny 5'4'' girlfriend had fought two monsters and had won. "So, what happened after that?" he said, caressing my face with his left hand.

"I tore a piece of my negligee off and wrapped up my shoulder and continued on."

He smirked and interrupted, "You were in your negligee?"

I couldn't help but crack a small smile, "Well, it's not as though I thought I would be fighting monsters and traveling through tunnels to get to you. In the real world, people don't normally go through mirrors into lands straight out of a horror novel trying to save their boyfriends."

"Ok, I'm sorry, continue." He leaned in and kissed my forehead and then looked at me, conveying with his glare that I had his full attention.

"Well, I had to stop and take a nap. I had the most horrible nightmare. I kept running after you as they pulled you away, but I couldn't catch up. Then you were gone and I was falling." Tears started to form at the corners of my eyes and he blotted them away. He grabbed my face between his hands and met my eyes with his.

"I am right here," he whispered softly. "Now, tell me the rest."

I pulled in a deep breath and continued. "So, after I woke up from that I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. I relit the torch and started on my way again. After I got past the river, the tunnel started to incline. I felt like I was finally getting somewhere. Then I came upon a part of the tunnel where the walls were completely made up of mirrors." I stopped, staring at the walls, my mind playing over all the horrible memories that I had seen in the mirrors. Sadness filled me. I would never be able to right those mistakes. I would never get to see our happily ever after.

"What is it baby? What did you see there?" His words pulled me out of my thoughtful trance.

"Well, any and everything bad that we have ever been through was depicted in the mirrors. It was like they had home movies of every argument we have ever had, of every breakup, of every negative feeling. I tried to shut it out, but then it overtook me. I couldn't see anymore. The emotions overwhelmed me, the memories filled my eyes. I tried to run and fell and scraped up my knees pretty badly, as you can see," I stated mater-of-factly, directing my gaze to my exposed knees, Andrew's gaze following mine. "Then something hit me on the head and I woke up in some sort of dungeon. They had me chained to a wall. I was kept there for hours. I eventually passed out from exhaustion and a fire spider spit acid on my leg, which is where that large wound on my calf came from. Strange enough, that same spider spit on the cuffs that held my arms in chains and set me free. I was going to try to attack the gangleus when it came to get me, but then it said I was being taken to the queen and I decided to just go along with it, thinking that even if it didn't lead me to you, that it would give me a chance to destroy her." My face twisted in anger as I thought of her. I wanted nothing more than to hurt her, over and over again until she begged for death. "They brought me to this room and these three woman creatures with black eyes cleaned me up, forcing me into this gown and covering me in makeup and perfume. I was brought to the room where I finally got to see you. I was standing there for your entire conversation with the queen. There was some kind of barrier. I banged and I screamed, but you couldn't hear me. I guess when she snapped her fingers the barrier disappeared. The rest, you were there for. So that's what happened to me."

Andrew just stared at me, unable to speak. His face was a mix of emotions. I could see fear, anger, surprise, but overall sadness. "You went through all of that? I don't even know what to say. I am blown away. I am glad to know that you love me enough to come for me. I stare at your wounds though and I feel so guilty." His eyes were full of torture and guilt. I couldn't even begin to understand why.

"Why do you feel guilty? I don't understand. You didn't do this to me. You didn't make this happen."

"Yes, but I am a man. I am supposed to take care of you. I am supposed to save you. I have failed you there. I promise you this though, when the morning comes, we will fight together. We will go home together. I will make this up to you somehow. We will get past this nightmare." His words were sincere, but in my gut I knew that tomorrow was the end. There were forces at work that were stronger than the both of us. They could render us paralyzed with a wave of their arms. I didn't argue this point with him though. For the moment I decided to pretend it was true. I tried to imagine it; us back at home, sitting in bed drinking coffee, watching cartoons on a Saturday morning.

"Now you must tell me what happened to you while you were here. I was so worried. I am so happy to see that they didn't hurt you."

"Well, my story isn't near as dramatic as yours. I was getting ready for work. I was in the shower and was in the middle of shampooing my hair. I heard the shower curtain open and I called out your name, thinking it was you. When you didn't answer I opened my eyes and there was a brunette woman in front of me, wearing an evening gown. I rubbed my eyes, thinking maybe I was just seeing things. When I looked again she was still there. I moved past her and grabbed my towel to cover myself up. I asked her who the fuck she was and what she was doing in my house. She just stood there, smiling and laughing. I shook her, asking her again who she was, and she wouldn't answer. I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid that you would wake up and walk in and think the wrong thing. She picked up my work clothes off of the seat of the toilet. All of the sudden, I saw the black monster in the mirror. Before I even had time to yell, I found myself being sucked into the mirror. Within seconds I was inside the fortress. I stood there, in this gigantic room, all white and gold, completely naked. She just stared at me as I did my best to cover myself. She laughed. I asked her where we were, growing angrier by the second. I have to admit though, I was scared as hell. She threw my clothes at me and rolled her eyes at me. She told me to get dressed and that she would be back for me." He paused, staring at me. I guessed that my emotions were probably painted clearly across my face. I was angry, murderously angry. I noticed that my fists had clenched subconsciously.

"I want to kill her. I wish that there was just a way. I want to kill her and I would enjoy it thoroughly as I did it if I could," my voice was gravely serious. I didn't even sound like myself. I had never truly wanted to destroy a human being before, let alone enjoyed the thought of doing so, but then again no one had attempted to kill me before. No one had tried to kidnap what I loved most before.

"Believe me; I want to make her pay for what she has done to you too, for what she has done to the both of us. If she tries taking you from me in the morning, I will make her pay. No one is taking you from me." He circled my face with his eyes, running his large, graceful hands through my hair. He leaned and kissed me even more passionately than before. I returned it with equal force. I placed my hands in his silky hair, running my fingers though it over and over, making my fingers memorize the sensation, wanting to know each strand.

I pushed him away and gently and pulled his shirt over his head. I looked him up and down, his slender and muscular torso lying before me. His shoulders glowed, slightly tanner than the rest of his arms from surfing. Freckles were scattered playfully across them. I always loved that, and never knew why. I leaned in and started kissing him again as he gently tugged on my satin gown. We parted momentarily for him to lift the dress over my head. He removed the silver combs from my hair and let them drop to the side of the bed. He searched me over, taking inventory of all the small cuts that burned red across my milky white skin. He started to kiss each one of them gently, as if his kisses would cure them. He made it from my collar bone to my toes and then back up again to my face.

"Sit up," he whispered gently. I sat up and he moved behind me. He began to loosen the laces my corset. I felt a great relief as I found it easy to breathe again. He gently lifted the corset over my head, being careful to not run it across my shoulder. He moved out from behind me and I faced him, staring at him lovingly. He gazed me over, as if he was drinking me in with his eyes. He grabbed my face and we began to kiss again.

We found ourselves lying down again both scrambling to remove each other's lower garments. Within moments we were unified. It was as if we were trying to consume each other, to make this one act count for the rest of eternity, so that the memory would forever remain on our skin. I wanted to be trapped in this moment forever, to remain here, no one in the world but the two of us.

We lay together when we were finished, legs and arms intertwined, staring into each other's eyes. I tried to fight off the sadness as it worked its way through me yet again, reality my constant nagging burden. I didn't want to ruin what we had just shared with thoughts of separation. I knew soon enough that I would have to say the things that were in my heart. If we were to never see each other again there were things that I could not live with not saying. I would apologize for the things that I had been wrong for. I would apologize for every moment that I had mistreated him. I doubted that it would make tomorrow any less torturous, but maybe it would make it easier to sleep, assuming I ever was able to sleep again.

He ran his fingers through my hair, "I love you. You're so amazing. How did I ever get so lucky?"

"It's funny that you say that, I was wondering the same thing about you earlier."

He smiled the sweetest smile that reached his eyes; his perfect, soul-stealing, heart-stopping eyes. I would never be able to get past the memory of those eyes. They would haunt me for the rest of my life. I tried to smile back, but found myself unable to. My heart was breaking.

"Andrew, there are some things I really wanted to talk to you about. There are some things that have to be said," I said, unable to avoid a serious tone.

His smile faded, but he continued staring into my eyes. "What do you want to talk about?"

"When I was in the tunnel, with all of the mirrors, I saw some things from an outside perspective that really disturbed me. I know you say that we're leaving here together. God knows that I want to believe that more than anything. However, if we don't there are just certain things I must apologize for."

He reached a finger up to my lips, trying to silence me. "You have nothing to apologize for."

I gently moved his hand away, but made my face stern. "Yes there are. Please let me get this out. I wanted you to know how sorry I am for the bad things I have put you through. I know I went out too much. I know that I was very inconsiderate of your feelings in that arena. I am sorry for the times that we broke up and how I hurt you when we did. I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry for not hearing you out when it came to our relationship on so many occasions. I am sorry for all of the petty things that I ever argued with you about, down to the dishes. All of that seems so stupid now. All of it seems so trivial. Had I only known that my time was limited, it would have been so much different. I thought you and I would stretch on forever. I thought you and I would grow old together. The more comfortable I got, it seems the less I cherished what we were, the real idea of us and all we stood for. I took it for granted. I pushed things farther than they should have ever been pushed and for that I apologize as well. I always loved you though. I still love you just as much as the first moment I realized I did. Even in the ugliest, darkest moments I have loved you. If we are to never see each other again after tonight, I will go on loving you until the end of time. I just needed you to know that. I needed you to know that I recognize that I made mistakes and if I could go back we would have done it right. I would have loved you right."

He didn't say anything at first. His face was pensive and slightly melancholy as though he struggled with some sad thought in his mind. Though I knew that the sadness that was apparent on his face was there because of the words I had spoken, I couldn't bring myself to regret it. A great weight had been lifted from me. I felt something that closely resembled peace.

"You know that you were forgiven for anything you had done immediately. I never held any grudges. I know that I mistreated you a lot in the past. I recognize that maybe that fact alone drove you to do some of the things that caused me pain. You know I love you. You know I always will. Regardless of what happens tomorrow, nothing changes that. We love each other, which is all that matters. So no more apologies ok?" I nodded and pulled him into a hug.
Chapter 7:

I stared out the window. Though I couldn't see the sun, I knew it was setting. The sky had taken on shades of orange and reds, the mountains shadowy beneath it. It was breathtaking. I curled up to Andrew resting against his shoulder allowing my mind to drift. I thought back to when we were younger. I thought of the afternoons sitting at his dad's house, listening to him play guitar. I remembered how much admiration I had felt, how lucky I had felt to have this wonderful and creative person in my life. I thought of how we would go on walks down the street to sneak cigarettes. I thought of how we would write each other notes in school. I couldn't help but smile. We were so innocent then. It was before living together, before the fights, before we even knew who we were growing up to be. It was amazing how far we had come.

"Then sun is setting," I whispered.

Andrew looked down at me, "Yes. The sky looks beautiful."

"We just keep getting closer to morning. I know that we shouldn't dwell on that now, but I am scared. She saw my every move Andrew. She knew I was coming. What can we do that she won't anticipate? She could be watching us right now."

"I don't know what we're going to do yet. I've been thinking, but haven't come up with anything. I am going to keep thinking though. We will find a way. We will be together." He squeezed me briefly.

I draped my arm across his chest a nestled my head against the curve of his shoulder. I was so tired. This journey had been physically and mentally the most extreme thing I could have ever imagined.

"Andrew, if I take a nap, will you wake me? I am just very tired. I don't want to go to sleep for long. I just want to be better rested. I want to be fully alert if this is going to be the last..." I paused, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Of course I will. You get some rest. I am going to try to form a plan. I will wake you up in a little while." He kissed my forehead and within moments I was sleeping.

The sun came in cheerfully through the bedroom window. I stretched and looked over to my side. The bed was empty with the exception of me. I was on the brink of panicking when Andrew walked through the bedroom with two cups of coffee in his hand. I smiled and sat up. He smiled back at me and handed me the coffee mug. I sipped it slowly, the bold taste playing across my tongue and the aroma filling my nostrils.

" _Thank you baby," I said, staring at him adoringly._

" _You're welcome." He flashed me a grin._

He turned on the TV on the wall adjacent to the foot of the bed and flipped it to cartoons. He came over and settled in next to me. I leaned against his shoulder and sighed.

" _So what do you want to do today?" I asked; my mood exuberant._

" _Well, there is supposed to be a nice sized swell coming in this morning. I was thinking that if you wanted you could come down to the beach and you could lay out while I surf. Either that or you could finally grow some balls and try getting back on the board." He laughed lightly._

_I thought of my first attempt at surfing. I had been flung off the board onto the shore, almost losing my bathing suit. "I don't think I'll be surfing, but the beach sounds nice. I wanted to finish_ _Insomnia_ _anyway."_

" _Ok, but one of these days you need to get back out there. No one gets it on their first try." He smiled at me and kissed my forehead._

After finishing our coffee, we got changed into our bathing suits. I got my book and towels for the both of us while he went out to situate his surfboard on top of the car. I smiled when I walked out the front door to see him struggling to strap the board in. He looked amazing in his black and white board shorts.

I laughed, "Having issues are we?"

" _Nope, I've got it now," he replied, returning my smile._

We jumped in his Mazda to head to the beach. People dotted the streets, taking advantage of the beautiful day. It was a gorgeous seventy eight outside according to the thermometer on the dash. There were rollerbladers and joggers on the sidewalks. People on beach cruisers biked enthusiastically in bathing suits, tank tops, and shorts. The fronds of the palm trees fluttered gently in the breeze.

We parked in the local lot next to the pier. He grabbed his surfboard off of the top of the car and I grabbed our towels and my book from the back seat. We walked on the boardwalk and down into the sand, the powdery whiteness covering my feet. He smiled at me and kissed me quickly.

" _I will see you in a little bit," he said as he began to run towards the water. I giggled and stared after him, watching the first wave crash into him as he entered the water. I laid out my towel. I lowered myself down and flipped to the page I had left off on. The sun beamed down on my skin. It was so warm, so inviting._

My eyelids popped open. Light came in through the window, warming my skin. I removed my arm from Andrew's chest and looked up at his face. His eyes were shut and he was snoring lightly. Panic seized me. I began to shake him.

"Andrew! Wake up! It's morning!" I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. How could he have fallen asleep? It had been our last night together and I had slept through it.

He rubbed his eyes groggily and looked around him. All of the sudden it hit him. "Oh shit! Baby I am so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep! I swear!"

I just looked at him in disbelief. "This is no time for apologies. Get dressed. We need to form a plan."

He nodded and threw back on his scrubs. I threw on the silver gown from the night before, not bothering with the corset. My mind was spinning. I was at a complete loss for words. Who knew when she would bust in on us, separating us for life? I put my hands against my temples. I kept trying to calm myself to no avail. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was waiting for a complete and total collapse.

Andrew rushed over to me and grabbed my arms. "Torey, look at me. You need to breathe. You need to just calm down and breathe."

I looked at him, but I couldn't find enough air quick enough. I hyperventilated faster and faster. It was over. It was over. Dear god, this was it. This was the end of my life. This was the end of my happiness. This was the end of everything. I wanted someone to knock me out, to keep me from thinking. I wouldn't be able to deal with what was coming. My head would explode or I would have a heart attack.

"Torey, you need to stop. We have to work together. We need to think. Torey, can you hear me? Torey!" The panic was in his voice and written across his face. All of the sudden his hand came down across my cheek. My hyperventilation stopped. "I am sorry. I didn't want to do that, but I didn't want you to pass out."

I nodded. "I am sorry. I just can't deal with this. I can't lose you." I cried softly.

He put his arms around me and held me tightly. Footsteps echoed outside of the door and we both froze. Andrew grabbed both sides of my face.

"When they walk in through that door, you grab onto me and hold me as tightly as you can. I am going to do the same. If you hear me yell 'now', make a run for the door. I will have your hand. Don't worry. I am not letting go." His face was the definition of serious, utter determination hung in his eyes. All I could do was nod. We wrapped our arms around each other and waited.

The doors swung open. The queen walked in with two gangleus. This time she was dressed in a knee length red dress that fluttered in ruffles at the bottom. It was low cut in the front. Gold bangles hung on her wrist. Her high black heels, accentuated her leg muscles. He bright red painted lips were fixed in a Cheshire grin.

"Have you said your goodbyes?" she taunted cheerfully.

Neither Andrew nor I spoke. She stood looking us over, her grin never wavering.

"Oh what, no words this morning? There are no threats you want to spit at me? Have you finally accepted defeat? The way you're clinging to each other makes me not so sure." Her mocking tone infuriated me, but I stood silent, clutching to Andrew for dear life. "That dress is very becoming of you Torey. I meant to tell you that yesterday, but it slipped my mind. You can have it. Consider it a parting gift," she provoked.

Silence filled the air. Andrew and I just kept on holding each other. She had begun to walk circles around us, eyeing us head to toe. Her circle became tighter and tighter, edging nearer and nearer to us, almost daring us to do something. Finally she stood in front of us. She was within breathing distance.

"Are you ready to go home Torey?" Her eyes bore down into mine. I saw nothing but pure evil. "What the two of you shared last night is nothing compared to what he and I will share tonight. When I am through with him, he won't even remember your name." In that moment anger surged through every cell of body. After holding up sanity in the face of opposition for so long, I finally snapped.

I let go of Andrew and reached out my hands to wrap them around her throat. I squeezed with all of my might. Her face was turning scarlet as I lowered her to the floor, my grip never loosening. My fists came down on her over and over again. Hatred pulsed through me as I started to pummel her. Bones smashed, blood ran over my fingers. I was a woman possessed. Tears of absolute disgust and release ran down my face as I started to sob. I was on top of her on the floor, my fists connecting to her temples and her eyes and her lips. I sought to smash anything pretty about her. I wanted her to be as ugly outside as she was inside. The skin swelled and darkened. Her breathing sounded wet with blood and I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. All control had left me.

All of the sudden, I found myself flying backwards. I slammed into the chamber wall. She stood up, her face perfect once again. It was as if I had never touched her. I couldn't believe my eyes. I rubbed them and looked again, praying that my eyes had deceived me. There she stood, young, perfect in her evil. She smiled at me maniacally.

"Temper, temper," she said waving her finger at me as a mother would to a small child who had just landed themselves in some form of trouble. "Now it's my turn."

I was being slammed into the wall over and over by an invisible force. I felt a couple of ribs crack as I screamed in agony. I heard Andrew yelling in the background, begging her to stop. The breath was knocked out of me. Pain took over me and my vision started to blur. I prayed that I would pass out. Her bell-like giggles were the background to my torture. My head smacked against the wall and there was a bright flash.
Chapter 7:

My eyes opened to cream tile and I knew immediately I was somewhere else. I pushed myself up off of the floor to a sitting position and looked around me. I could hear water running to my side. I looked over toward the sound of the water. My familiar burgundy shower curtain was hanging on the rod above the tub. I shook my head in disbelief. I sat there in shock, refusing to believe that I was in my bathroom. Maybe I just hadn't regained consciousness yet. Surely that must be the case.

Minutes passed by and nothing changed. I was still on my bathroom floor. The shower still ran. The reality of the situation reined in. I began to cry uncontrollably. I could hear the screams in my head that had not yet formed on my lips.

"He is gone. Oh god, he's gone. It's over." I whispered to myself. I started clutching my hair, tugging on it firmly as madness moved its way in. I yanked down and several strands of hair came out in each hand. I opened my palms and watched the strands fall to the floor. I jumped up and looked at myself in the mirror. All of my injuries had disappeared. The silver dress was gone. I stood completely nude. I just stared at my reflection unable to understand. My left shoulder was without flaw. No little scratches were scattered across my skin. I looked down to my knees and the scrapes had disappeared. The acid burn was gone from my leg. All proof that I had ever left this bathroom was gone.

I let out an inhuman scream, my eyes bulging as I saw the water glass that had broken before I had went through the mirror on the counter. There was not even a scratch on it. I started to feel dizzy, my confusion becoming unbearable.

I climbed up on the counter and started pressing my hands against the mirror, trying to find a way back in. I couldn't allow myself to believe that there would be no more chances. After pressing against the entire surface I started to bang on it.

I leaned my head against the glass and started screaming, "Please let me in. PLEASE! I can't... I just can't. Please! Somebody help me! I can't deal with this!" Tortured sobs came between my hyperventilating. I slid off of the counter and placed my feet back on the floor.

I stared at myself in the mirror, self-hatred growing by the second. I glanced down and picked up the water glass and heaved it at the mirror, shattering the image of myself. I watched the pieces of glass fly to the ground. I screamed again as I realized that Andrew's shirt, boxers, and towel were missing from the floor where they had been when I left.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I turned towards the door and walked out of the bathroom, not bothering to turn off the shower. My feet crunched on the glass as I exited, tearing up the soles of my feet with each step. I did not even pause.

I crossed over to the closet door and opened it. I stood unable to move at first and then threw up as it became too much for me to mentally grasp. His side of the closet was completely empty. Every shirt, every pair of pants, every box was gone. My clothes hung neatly on one side of the closet. The other side of the closet remained completely vacant, as if I was waiting for someone to move in and take the other half.

"No, no, no.... this isn't possible. THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE!" Tears and snot ran down my face. I slammed the closet door and made my way towards the bedroom.

I walked over to our dresser and opened the drawer where he kept his underwear and socks. It was completely bare except for a concert ticket from a show we had gone to the previous year. My panic rose in my chest growing more the longer that I stared at the blank space. I slammed the drawer back into the dresser.

I walked over to the nightstand and Andrew's phone was gone. I began to cry hysterically. What was happening? Where had everything gone? It was as if the queen had sent me back and sucked everything that was Andrew's in at the same time. I ran to the other side of the bed and picked up my phone. I feverishly dialed Mike's number. Maybe she had taken everything, but Mike would remember my call. She couldn't take that from me.

"Hello?" Mike answered. He sounded somewhat strange.

"Mike, thank god! It's Torey. Do you remember the conversation that we had earlier, the one about Andrew being missing?" I choked out.

There was silence. I started to panic. "Mike! Mike, are you there?!"

"Yeah, I am here. Torey.... are you, um, ok?" his voice sounded almost frightened.

"No, I am not ok! Andrew has been kidnapped! He is gone! I don't really know how to explain it to you right now, but he is gone. All of his stuff is gone. I don't know what to do!" I couldn't control the loud sobs as they flowed out of me.

"Look, Torey, calm down ok. I am going to come over. We will work all of this out ok?"

"Oh thank you! Thank you! Please hurry!" I said, feeling a small bit of relief. Someone else was going to see what I was talking about.

"Just don't go anywhere. I am leaving right now. I will be there in 45 minutes," he said reassuringly.

"Ok, I won't. See you then." I hung up the phone and went to the closet to grab my housecoat. I slid the black satin housecoat on and tied it. I walked through the hallway, and across the living room, paying no attention to the trail of blood my feet were leaving. I walked out the front door and down the walkway.

I reached the carport. Against every wish and hope I had, his car was gone. I walked over to the shed and opened the door. His surfboard was gone as well. I made my way back inside. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I reached over to the side table and grabbed the photo of Andrew and me from the prior Christmas. At least the photos remained. At least I still had those.

I curled myself up into a ball with the picture. He was gone. Even though Mike was coming, it would not change anything. Even if he remembered the conversation, it would not change the fact that Andrew was in an unreachable place now. When I told him the story of what had happened he would think I was crazy. Maybe I would even be blamed for his disappearance. They would lock me up forever. That was just fine with me. After all, what was left now? What was left to look forward to? Nothing. Years and years of nothing was all there was now. They would execute me probably. They would ask over and over where the body was, never believing my story. I couldn't blame them though. I wouldn't believe me either.

I stood up walked to front door, locking it. I turned and walked toward the kitchen, picture still in hand. I picked up a pen out of the cup on the counter next to where we keep our bills and turned to the fridge. I pulled one of the "To do list" sheets off of the magnetized pad and walked over to the breakfast table.

I sat down and placed the photo in front of me and started to write down the gist of the events that had taken place, looking up from time to time to stare at Andrew's face. I described the plains, the tunnel, the monsters, the queen, the fortress and what had taken place there, waking up in the bathroom, and everything else that had happened since as quickly as possible, so that there would be no confusion.

After I had written what happened I decided that I needed to write some sort of apology for what I would do next:

I want everyone I love to know how sorry I am. I never intended on doing this, but I have lost everything. I know no one will ever believe me. No one will ever be able to understand what I have been through. I know that I will never be able to forgive myself for not being able to save him. I know that I will never be able to live knowing that I will never be able to see him again, that he still exists, but he is where I will never be able to reach him. I am sorry to anyone and everyone this hurts, but I don't know what else to do. I love all of you.

Love always,

Torey

I folded the letter twice neatly and sat it under the framed picture. I got up and walked back to the kitchen, opening the drawer to the right of the stove. I pulled out my butcher's knife and walked back over to the table. I sat back down and I stared at Andrew's face.

"I know you wouldn't approve of what I am about to do, so I apologize for that. I apologize for failing you. I apologize for not being able to save you. I love you so much. I hope that maybe someday in the stretch of eternity, that I will see you again." I kissed my pointer and middle fingers and placed them on the lips of the image of Andrew in the picture.

I took the butcher's knife and ran it across one wrist and then the other, flinching with each cut. I watched as the maroon liquid seeped from my veins and down my arms, dripping onto the carpet. I stared at the image of Andrew's face. I allowed my arms to hang loosely at the sides of the chair. The blood ran warm against my hands, the wounds throbbing.

Every moment of my life slowly started playing itself in front of my eyes between flashes of my current setting covered in blue and purple dots. I saw my mother and my father, as I remembered them from when I was young. I saw my siblings and different scenes of us playing together and then the arguments that we had when we got older. Dizziness moved in, slightly at first and then stronger. The light in the room became dimmer and dimmer. My ears began to ring. I closed my eyes and let my head hang back, waiting for the end.

All of the sudden I heard people outside of the front door. There was something said about blood on the sidewalk. I heard a banging upon the door.

"Police! Open up!" a male voice called. "Police!" There was another loud series of rapping. I guessed that Mike had assumed the worse and sent them over.

There was a loud bang and then another. I could not open my eyes. There was a loud crash and the sound of wood splintering. I heard the footsteps of several people moving into the living room.

"Oh dear god! Get an EMT in here now! Hurry, she's slit her wrists!" The man called out. A few moments later, I felt fingers on my throat searching for a pulse.

There was silence, and I knew that I was dead.
Chapter 8:

I awoke on a forest floor. It was autumn by the looks of the leaves. I stood up and took a moment to look myself over. I was dressed in a long white cotton gown with an empire waist. I looked at my wrists. There were not cuts, no bleeding. I ran my hands through my hair, pulling out a few leaves as I did.

I looked all around me and saw nothing but trees and the grey sky above. A light fog floated above the ground. A single path stretched out in front of me. Strangely it stopped right where I had been lying. I was utterly confused. What was this place? Was I in heaven? Was I in hell? Was I in purgatory?

I started to walk forward, following the path. I had no idea where it led to, but standing still in the same spot was not getting me anywhere. It was absolutely silent aside from the crunch of the autumn leaves beneath my feet. No breeze blew. No animals scurried. This place was truly eerie.

I thought of my friends and family back home. I wondered who had received the news of my death, if anyone had. I wondered what songs they would play at my funeral, what kind of flowers they would put on the ground next to my headstone. A deep sadness plagued me as I thought of everyone's faces. Guilt consumed me at the thought of the suffering that I had inflicted upon the ones I loved in my attempt for an escape from the pain. The worst part was that I hadn't escaped anything really. I was still able to feel here. I was still able to think here. Nothing had changed except that I was now completely alone. Maybe that was what hell was.

My mind strayed to Andrew. I wondered how he was faring in the fortress. I wondered what the queen was doing to him now. I wanted to cry, but could not find the tears. Maybe I had grown numb or maybe in hell you were not allowed to cry. Maybe you were never allowed any sort of emotional release at all. I could not help but laugh internally at the irony of it all. People killed themselves to escape, but if everyone ended up like me, they were to only wake to that same misery with no one to share it with.

I looked around me for some sort of change, some sort of sign, some sort of indicator of what was to become of me, but there was nothing but the endless procession of trees and the endless stretch of grey sky. It was so lonely, so subtly morbid. I felt no sort of exhaustion, no hunger, no thirst. The only feeling I had was sadness.

Just when I thought that I was to walk through this forest for eternity, never experiencing any kind of change, the fog began to rise and thicken. Within moments, I was encased by the thick wall of swirling whiteness. I could not even see two feet in front of me.

I walked forward carefully, looking down at the path to make sure I did not stray and get lost. I had the unshakable feeling that something was going to happen soon. I had no inkling of whether what was going to happen would be good or bad; just simply that something was going to happen. I thought to myself that maybe I should be afraid, but there were only the same feelings of sadness.

I paused as the sound of a separate set of footsteps mingled with the sound of my own. I looked forward, waiting to see the owner of the foot prints appear through the fog. My mind ran over a gamut of possibilities. Had the devil come to taunt me? Was God going to have a conversation with me? Was another tortured soul wandering the forest like me? I looked to my left and then to my right, but I saw nothing.

All of the sudden, I could see the shadow of a tall figure behind the fog. Whoever or whatever it was had paused as well. We stood there, unmoving, silent. I was unsure of what to do. Should I say something? Should I run away? Even if I ran, where would I go to?

Before I could make up my mind, the stranger in the fog started to run toward me. I moved into a defensive stance raising my hands up to my chest. My hands dropped to my sides and my heart raced as the stranger's face became clear and their arms picked me up, swinging me around in a circle.

I locked my arms around Andrew's neck, my mind spinning in disbelief. How was this possible? What was he doing here? He put me back on my feet and stared down into my face. He grabbed my face and kissed me forcefully.

When the kiss was over, I looked him over again. He was dressed differently than the last time I had seen him. He wore a white T-shirt and white slacks. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. I must have died and went to heaven. That was the only explanation I could come up with.

"How did you get here?" I asked, exasperated.

He smiled at me and then replied, "I don't know. I just woke up here. I noticed a path and started walking." He just stared at me, reflecting the disbelief that I felt inside. "How did you get here?"

I struggled with the decision as to whether or not I should be honest. I had no idea how he would react. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to make him angry. However, hadn't I promised myself that if the impossibility ever arose that I would get another chance to make it right I would? I took a deep breath and decided that honesty was best.

"Well, after my head had smacked into the wall in that chamber, there was a bright flash. I opened my eyes and I was back in our bathroom. I thought maybe I was just dreaming, but when nothing changed, I realized it was real, that I was home. All of my injuries had disappeared. The dress I was wearing had disappeared. What was the most disturbing was that literally every single one of your possessions was gone."

"That's really strange. I wonder where they all went," he mused, "Anyway, sorry, continue on."

"Well, I kind of freaked out. I never thought I would see you again. I called Mike to tell him that you had been kidnapped and that all of your things were gone, not knowing yet how to explain to the whole parallel dimension thing. He said he would come over and try to help me sort things out and at first I was relieved. Then, I started thinking of how no one would believe me and that I would probably be blamed for your disappearance. The guilt of being unable to save you and the pain of the thought of spending the rest of eternity with the fact that you were somewhere I would never be able to get to became unbearable. So I... um... I"

"You what?" he asked, his face patient and serene

"I slit my wrists and then I woke up here," I replied, speeding over my words as if that would make what I had said easier to hear.

Andrew's brow darkened. His face was caught somewhere between sadness, anger, and disgust. "You did what?! Why would you do that? Do you know how stupid that is?! Nothing is worth ending your life over!" He grabbed my wrists and turned my arms palm side up. He glanced over them and his confusion became apparent. "I don't see any marks."

"I know. It's strange. I woke up here and the cuts were gone. I wasn't bleeding anymore. I also have no idea where this dress came from. I was wearing my housecoat when I did it," I replied, favoring the word 'it' over saying that I had slit my wrists again.

"Do you think we're dead?" He asked the anger relaxing from his face.

"That's the only thing I can come up with. I mean, how else would you explain the cuts being gone? Maybe that psycho bitch Ameda killed you in your sleep because she realized that you would always love me and that she was wasting her time. Who knows? Either way, I don't care! We are together now. That is all that matters. Maybe this is our heaven," I said with a smile.

I wrapped my arms around Andrew, resting my head on the center of his chest. I looked up to stare lovingly in his eyes and gasped. I was no longer holding onto Andrew. My arms encompassed the bark of a maple tree. Confusion and panic moved in as the smile faded from my face. I backed away, disorientated. I was no longer on the path.

"Andrew?" I called out. There was nothing, just the silence of the woods and the fog. "Andrew?!" I shouted, more desperate and panicky than before. "Andrew where are you?"

"Torey?" Andrew's voice echoed from somewhere very distant. I started to run in the general direction of his voice.

I smacked my shoulder into a tree, dislocating it. My stomach twisted and I screamed. "ANDREW?! Baby, where are you?" Tears ran down my face. It became apparent that I could feel something other than sadness, for I was now scared as hell.

"Torey? I can't find you. Where are you?" His voice still sounded so distant.

"Just keep yelling. I am going to find you." I cried.

"Torey?" he called, sounding father than before.

I started to run again my left arm, flapping limply, pain shooting down the length of it from my shoulder to my fingertips. I did not care anymore. I would break every appendage I had. There was no way that I was losing him again. "Andrew?" I called.

"Torey?" He called, sounding closer than before.

"Andrew, stay where you are! I am coming to you! Just stay where you are and keep calling my name!" I started to run faster.

He called my name over and over. I would get close and then all of the sudden he would be far again. My breath came out in ragged gasps. My throat burned from the coolness of the fog I was breathing in. It felt as though I would never find him. I felt like I was in a continually shifting labyrinth that consciously aimed at keeping me from reaching what I wanted.

I called out to him again, and this time when he called back it sounded like he was only a matter of a few feet away. I felt a surge of hope and turned towards his voice, running full force. There was a flash of pain and a bright light. I was lost once again to darkness.
Chapter 9:

My eyes opened to bright florescent light. The sound of respiration machines, an EKG, and god knows what else surrounded me. I felt groggy and heavy. The pain had returned to both of my wrists. I tried to move my arms up to examine them, but something held them down. I looked around me and saw the institutional walls of a hospital. IVs and machines that were monitoring my vitals were next to my bed. There was a respiration machine, which I assumed was to help me breathe, though I was now breathing quite fine on my own. My arms had been tied to the bed. I guessed that it was done as a precaution, just in case I woke up and decided to harm myself again.

After a few minutes of observation the panic and grief set in. I had been so close. I was just a few feet from him and now I was here is this damned hospital bed. Andrew had been stolen from me yet again. I began to cry. How long would this go on? All of this reality and unreality kept interchanging. I myself did not even know what was real and what wasn't anymore. All I knew was that I wanted nothing more than for someone to come into the room and put me back under so I could back to wherever I had been at. I could find him there. He existed there, even if it had only been my imagination.

I decided just to lie where I was and accept defeat. I was such a failure. I could not save him from the fortress. I could not reach him in the forest. I obviously was not able to effectively kill myself to escape the misery. I would be forced to live in this perpetual nightmare for the rest of my life as doctors and orderlies analyzed me, poked, and prodded me.

A nurse walked in with a clipboard humming to herself. She was very young, with pretty red hair. She looked at me and her freckled face twisted, her green eyes slightly alarmed. She had realized that I was awake. I wondered how long I had been out.

"Could you remove this from my face please?" I asked in my kindest voice through the face mask. "I don't think it is necessary."

She stood there just staring at me for a beat and then nodded. She walked over and timidly removed the mask from my face. She just stared down at my shocked. I looked at her nametag. Her name was Violet. What a lovely name, I thought to myself.

"Violet, may I talk to a doctor please? I have a lot of questions." I said, trying to cover up the sadness in my voice from crying before she had entered. I had obviously caught her off guard and did not want to stress her or frighten her any more than I had.

She nodded and walked out of the room in somewhat of a hurry. The door shut behind her and I was left once again to my thoughts. What would happen to me now? I wondered what they would have to say about Andrew and his disappearance. Had they decided that my psychotic suicidal rampage had resulted from an elaborate murder? Whatever they thought, they would not believe the truth when I told it to them. That was the one thing I knew for sure. While it didn't really matter what they thought, I was still anticipated their theory with much curiosity.

The door opened and a man in a white jacket stepped in. He was short and stout. He had a red face framed by dark hair and there were streaks of grey through his very full beard. His white medical shoes squeaked as he walked across the sterile looking tile. His tiny brown eyes looked me over like I was some sort of strange specimen.

"Hello Torey. My name is Dr. Taylor," he said in a very professional sounding voice. He pulled a worn leather chair over to the bed from the side of the room over to my bedside. "I was told that you had some questions that you wanted answered. So, I will let you start with those, and then I will give you any additional information that I think you will need."

Where was I to begin? I had enough questions to fill an entire evening. "Well, I guess a good place to start is where am I?"

He nodded and then replied, "You are at the Holy Cross Hospital downtown. Are you familiar with it?"

I nodded and moved onto my next question, "How long was I out for?"

"Well, when they had brought you in you had lost a very large amount of blood. You were in a sort of coma-like state. You have been out for about a month now," he answered, his eyes looking cautious as though he thought that I might not take well to it. Little did he know after all I had been through, that very little could possibly shock me at this point.

"Have they conducted an investigation? Do they have any theories?" I asked.

He looked at me in a way which suggested that he was not sure how he wanted to answer me. "What investigation are you speaking of?" He asked, carefully sidestepping telling me what I was sure he already knew.

"I am talking about the investigation of my boyfriend Andrew's disappearance and the disappearance of all of his possessions," I replied. I honestly wondered if the doctor thought I was too fragile to discuss such matters. Coma or no coma, I was not going to forget the love of my life was gone.

"Torey, there are some things we need to discuss. Some of these things might be hard to hear. Some of these things you are not going to want to believe. However, believe me when I say that they are all true and that as a professional I would not lie to you or try to harm you ok?" He talked to me as someone would talk to a five year old if they were going to tell them that both of their parents had died and now they were alone in the world.

"What are you talking about?" I asked; my words acerbic.

"Torey, Andrew isn't missing. As a matter of fact, Andrew is perfectly fine," he paused gauging my reaction to see if he wanted to continue.

I was relieved! Andrew had escaped somehow. Now Andrew could back up my story. Everyone would know that I was not crazy. There is no way that we could both have the same exact story and be wrong. Even if they didn't believe us, at least we would believe each other. I was so happy that I wanted to cry. Thank god that I hadn't died!

"That's wonderful! Does he know I am here? When do I get to see him?"

The doctor's face sunk and I felt a small twinge of fear. "Torey, Andrew is married. He got married the day before you were brought here. I have talked to some of your friends and family members. The two of you have been separated for over a year now," he looked at me, his eyes full of deep concern. I shook my head, unable to believe it. It wasn't possible. I had no recollection of us ever separating, of anything that he was talking about. "We believe that you were getting out of the shower and that you slipped and knocked yourself unconscious. You must have been out for quite some time. We think that while you were out, your brain came up with a way to cope with the news of Andrew's marriage. You woke up and you were unable to understand that the things that you had dreamt of while you were unconscious were not reality. The dream had become so real to you that it made you suppress what had really happened. Since you believed that what you had dreamt of was real, when you woke up, you understandably panicked when you found all of Andrew's possessions and your injuries gone. You attempted to kill yourself. You almost succeeded. If the police would have arrived even a few minutes later than they did, it probably would have been too late."

I allowed it all to sink in. Apparently I was completely nuts. I struggled to remember Andrew and me separating, to remember him ever moving out. I struggled to even remember what I had done the day before all of this had happened. I could not even recall what had happened a month prior. It was as if someone had walked in with a gigantic eraser and had taken away all of the memories of anything that had existed after the "alleged" separation. As frustrating as it was, I pondered if maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Would I really want to remember what had happened, what the horrible months following the separation were like?

"You are right. I do not remember any of it. So, what happens to me now?" I asked, my voice sounding flat. My mind and heart were a butchered mess of emotions. I was still suck in the wake of everything that I had thought that I had been through. All of that was hard enough without new pain and information to process. What was I going to do now? I felt drained, exhausted, and completely out of hope or desire to continue on.

"Well, we are going to keep you here until you recuperate and then we are going to move you to the psychiatric wing for some evaluation. After the evaluation you may be released depending upon how the psychiatrist feels about your mental status."

The words "psychiatric", "evaluation", and "mental status" played over and over again in the mind. I laughed internally. Andrew had been right that night on the porch so long ago. We had broken up ten years later, and apparently I wasn't able to handle it. For some unknown reason I found that fact incredibly amusing.

"Do I get to see my family?" I asked hopefully.

He smiled at me and said, "Yes, of course. As a matter of fact, your mother is here. The second we finish up our discussion here, I will send her in."

Why was my mother at the hospital? I had been out a month. It made no sense. "Why is my mother here?"

"She visits every couple of days. We encourage family and friends of comatose patients to talk to them. It supposedly helps some find their way out of their comas," he said in an upbeat tone. "Do you have any other questions?"

I couldn't think of anything else. After all, what more was there to know? I am nuts, Andrew left me and married someone else, and I was probably going to be in the hospital for a long time. "No, I don't have any more questions at the moment."

"Ok, well, I am going to go get your mother. She is excited to see you," he said, smiling.

He left and I was alone again. I continued to try to remember what had happened in the months before the mirror, before the imaginary world I had traveled through, before I had slit my wrists. There was nothing. Maybe my mother could help me to remember, or at least fill me in on the details.

My mother walked in with a smile on her face and a tear in her eye. Her curly dirty blonde hair bounced with her every step. The green in her eyes was glowing today. She wore a bright floral top and a dark pair of jeans. She looked thinner than she had the last time I had seen her. In that moment I felt guiltier than I can remember feeling in a long time. I did not want to imagine what it had been like to receive the news that your daughter had gone a little cookoo and slit her wrists. I shut out the thought and formed a weak smile at my lips. She sat down in the chair where the doctor had sat before and grabbed my hands. The familiar feeling of her warm soft hands made me want to cry.

"Hi Mom," I choked out, trying to keep my composure.

She stared at me for a minute and then wrapped her arms around me, crying in my hair as she spoke. "Oh Torey, how could you do something like that? Why would you do that to me? Everyone loves you. Do you know how many people love you? Do you know how many people this hurt?" She looked at me, the pain pouring from her eyes, "Honey, one man is not worth killing yourself over. No one and nothing is worth that!"

If only she could have seen what I had seen, experienced what had seemed so real to me. Maybe it was not a good enough excuse. She was undoubtedly right about me hurting people. I knew that there would people who would be very upset when they received the news of my death. I felt like the world's biggest asshole.

"I am so sorry. If you could have just seen it or felt what I had felt Mom, it was horrifying. It was so real. I just didn't know what to do. I'm sorry.... I'm just," My faced crumpled and the guilt overtook me. I was sobbing heavily now.

My mother encompassed me in her arms again. I felt comfort there. She whispered to me, "Don't cry Torey. What is important is that you are ok now and we are going to get you the help you need." I nodded under her grasp. She looked at my face and removed the tears from my eyes, and then her own. She sat back in the worn leather chair.

"Mom, what happened with Andrew and me? I can't remember anything at all before my," I paused trying to find the words, "my little accident. I mean why did we break up? When did he move out? What have I been doing since then?"

My mother just stared at me. I could tell she didn't want to discuss these things. I understood completely. I mean, who would want to be the one to possible shove an already fragile person back over the edge. These were things I had to know though.

"Please," I said in my sweetest voice.

She sat still for a moment and then sighed before she began to tell me the story. "Well, from what you had told me, you and Andrew had been fighting a lot. It had been several months since the two of you had really gotten along. You both toyed around with the idea of counseling, but never ended up going. He had told you that he didn't feel that things were working out, and though he loved you, he was moving out. You took it badly, which was completely understandable. I think anyone would have. He moved out in late October of last year. Then, a few weeks later he had started dating Ameda. You felt that he had left you for her. There is no way to be sure if that was true or not, but you believed it to be true. You started drinking a lot. You stopped going out with your friends. You even quit calling me after a while. You completely withdrew. When the news of his wedding reached you, you called me. You were highly upset. I had told you that I was going to come down the next day to stay with you for a few days. You sounded like you didn't need to be by yourself. When I got here... well," she stopped and her eyes looked distant. I could see the pain that I had put there. I wanted to disappear.

I did not want to imagine it, my mother arriving at my house only to be greeted by police tape. How would I have felt if I were in such a situation? I had been selfish. No matter what, the people I loved had not deserved to be put through such a mess. It was time to take responsibility and move forward.

"Well things are going to be better now," I said in my best attempt of an optimistic voice. "I am going to get help here and I'll be out before you know it."I smiled at her, wanting nothing more but to erase the pain from her face. She returned my smile, but I could see the uncertainty that she had about my words.
Chapter 10:

After about a month I had completely regained my physical strength and was moved to the psychiatric ward. The psychiatric ward was everything I had imagined it to be. Every day I talked to the same psychiatrist. She was a woman in her late forties, with curly brown hair and a very plain looking face. We would talk about the nightmares that had led me to slit my wrists and the nightmares that I was still having and of course about my relationship with Andrew.

Over the months I started to remember what happened. I could see the breakup now and the months that had led up to my mental collapse. My mother had been polite when she had used the term "drinking a lot". Gorging would have been more appropriate. I had shut everyone out, telling them that they didn't understand that they didn't care. I had become a monster. I had let my pain consume me to the point of affecting all of my other relationships with people.

The more I figured out about what had passed, the more my psychiatrist was pleased. She told me that I was "coming along nicely and that I would be released "soon". I would just nod and try to look enthusiastic. How would I ever piece back together this broken life?

It turned out that "soon" finally had turned into "today". My family had been kind enough to keep up my household while I was being hospitalized. My house, my possessions, and my life waited for me when I got home. I wondered what kind of life I would really be suitable for. While I had come to grips with the fact that my whole adventure had been in my head and I was diligently working towards getting over Andrew and the years that we had been together, I was still shaken. I had nightmares every night almost. I would wake up screaming and depressed. The scene was always the same. I would be chasing after Andrew in the darkness, his frightened face being pulled further and further away until he was gone. There would always be the same maniacal feminine laugher. It never ceased to terrify me, to bring forth the helpless sadness that I had felt the first time I had the dream. I was under a near constant cloud of sadness, even though the doctor had placed me on Zoloft. I kept up appearances when the doctor was around though. No amount of staying in the hospital was going to erase that my life had changed and the things that were the most important to me had been stripped from it.

I stared out the window of my room blankly into the sky, remembering the day that Andrew had left. It was so clear to me now, as if I was standing right there looking in on it. I had sat on the bed helplessly as he had started to pack his things.

"Please don't do this," I had sobbed, feeling desperate and helpless. He had just sighed and continued to pack his things. I tried again, "I can change. I can say whatever you want, do whatever you want. I love you please don't do this to us. Don't you care about me?"

He stopped and looked at me with an expression that said he wanted to comfort me, but that it might cause him to lose his resolve. "You know I care about you. I will always care about you. Don't be ridiculous. This isn't healthy Torey. Normal people don't have a relationship like we do. Normal people don't fight like we do. You need to stop thinking like we are all there ever was or ever will be."

I had been shattered. I could see in his eyes that there would be no changing his mind. He moved to his side of the closet and started grabbing down hangers. I walked in after him and stood in front of him, staring up with my pleading eyes. "How long have you not been in love with me? How long have you been feeling this way? When was it that you decided you were leaving and didn't even feel the need to discuss it with me?"

His face was sympathetic and then angry and cruel. "You never discussed it with me when you decided to leave. You didn't care when I was crying." It was as if a knife had ripped through my heart.

"I did so care. I talked to you every time you called, even when you had threatened to kill yourself. I hugged you, I was there for you, so don't give me that shit! You never forgave me for anything did you? Why can't you see? Why can't you see that I am the best thing that ever happened to you?" I sobbed as I moved myself back into the corner of the closet, twisting his clothes in my hands, falling to pieces.

His face had become calm and serene and tears had formed in his eyes, but they weren't falling. "I don't have to be with you to know that you are the best thing that ever happened to me." I remembered how those words had pounded the nail into the coffin for me. How could I argue with that? What else could I say? I had turned to walk away, trying to escape down the hallway so I could go somewhere private to lose my mind.

"Torey wait," he had called.

I had turned around to face him as he stared at me, his face caught up in a twist of different emotions. I had walked back over to him, even though I knew that I was just walking towards further destruction. "What do you want? What do you want from me, "I whimpered pathetically.

"You have to know it would have never worked," he replied staring down in my eyes. I saw the destruction of a decade there, of all of the years we had spent. The tone of his voice gave up the fact that he was still trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me.

"I am sorry, but I don't agree. This is my life Andrew. You are my life," I had walked away and that time he hadn't tried to stop me. I had walked down to the beach and cried my eyes out that day. By the time I had got home he was gone and I never heard from him again.

My mother walked into the hospital room, her face all aglow, wrecking my reverie. I turned away from the window and forced a smile. It was spring now. She was dressed in a girlish sundress and flip flops. If there was one thing I looked forward to, it was to get to the beach and soak up the sun with sound of the waves as the background music to my relaxation. She handed me some of my clothes from home. I put on my favorite pair of blue jeans and a black tank top. I walked into the bathroom to look myself over. I looked a little tired there were small dark circles under my eyes, but other than that, I looked well. I ran my hands through my hair a few times and then walked back out into the bedroom.

"Are you ready to go?" my mother beamed with a brilliant smile.

I grinned back at her and replied with an enthusiastic "Yes!" I found it was better to keep up a good show for her. I did not want her to worry. While I was not happy, I didn't feel any sudden urges to hunt down sharp objects to hurt myself with. Besides, I would get past all of this someday and the smiles would not be fake anymore.

We walked out of the small room that had held me over the past few months, which consisted only of a twin bed, a nightstand topped with flowers my father had sent, and a bathroom. We walked out into the hospital hallway, sterile white surrounding us on all sides. It was overwhelming to my eyes when I had first arrived, but I had grown accustomed to it.

When we arrived at the customer service desk, the nurse smiled at me, her chocolate skin crinkling around her ebony eyes that sparkled with best wishes and kindness. "Checking out?" she asked in her soft southern voice.

My mother and I looked at each other and smiled and said "yes" simultaneously.

She handed me a bag that had my black satin house coat in it. That had been the only possession that I had on me when I was admitted. She wished me luck and I thanked her as my mother and I began to walk away.

I walked out of the hospital into the urban jungle of downtown. The sounds of the cars passing were a bit overwhelming at first, but I quickly became accustomed. The buildings of cement and brick towered around me, looking like industrial giants, waiting to crush the people below like ants. The sun was shining brightly and it was so warm. The sky was a perfect robin's egg blue. The humidity was low and I thought to myself that I couldn't have asked for a nicer day to be released.

We jumped into my mother's black Grand Prix. The seats were warm and I snuggled up against the seat. Upon starting the car, the songs from my favorite CD spilled out of the stereo speakers. A huge grin came to my face and I looked over at my mother to flash her a smile of true appreciation.

The drive home was serene. I watched all of the familiar buildings and roads pass me by. People bustled in and out of grocery stores, they waited in lines in their cars in drive throughs, they commuted home from work, talking on cell phones and making plans for dinner or an evening out. Life had continued while I was away and I was glad to see that nothing had changed.

When we got down to the beach my heart sang. The palm trees seemed to wave hi to me as we drove past them. For the first time it really dawned on me that I was going home. I rolled down my window to breathe in the salty air. I sighed in relief and relaxed back against my seat.

We pulled up into my driveway and parked. I stared at the house with its grey stucco and charcoal roof, my red Honda still sat in the same place in the car port, nothing had changed. There was something comforting in that. I felt something cold and metallic slip into my hand. I looked over to my mother and then down at my hand. I smiled as I saw that my house keys and my car keys were now in my possession.

We got out of the car and walked up to the house. I opened the door and nostalgia washed over me. My furniture was in the same place that I had left it. I traced the old familiar paisley designs on my couch with my eyes. I looked at the side tables and notice that the pictures of Andrew and I that I had previously had scattered around the house, seemed to have been moved. I guessed that my family had decided to be extra cautious, not wanting me to have to come home just to have my wounds reopened. I was grateful. The carpet had been replaced. This somewhat baffled me.

"Mom, why is the carpet different?"

She frowned and hesitated as I stared at her patiently awaiting her answer. "Well honey, there was so much blood. We didn't want you to have to come home and see that."

"Oh," I replied, my face darkening. I didn't deserve such wonderful treatment. After all, I had tried to leave all of them. I had hurt them. I was selfish enough to try to stop my pain at the cost of devastating them, and yet they loved me, and yet they helped me. I was truly touched.

I walked around the house, taking inventory in my mind. Everything was pretty much the same with a few minor differences. All of my laundry had been cleaned. When I looked in the closet, my possessions now took up both sides. It was much easier to look at. It no longer served as a reminder that something was missing. My bed had been made for me and much to my relief; the mirror in the bathroom had been replaced.

After we had taken the entire tour I looked at my mother and smiled. "Thank you so much for all of your help. I really appreciate it. Look, I think I am going to grab a nice hot shower. Why don't you run to the barbeque place down the street and pick us up some lunch. Maybe we can go walk down the boardwalk afterward. I am dying to see the beach. You can take the house keys with you so you can get back in if I am still in the shower when you get back." I handed her they house keys. She looked at me skeptically, uncertain whether she should leave me alone or not no doubt.

Finally her expression lightened. "Ok sweetie. I will be back soon." We hugged and then she left.

I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and headed to the bathroom. Thoughts of what had taken place the last time I had stood in the room flashed through my mind. I could hear my screams and the sound of shattering glass. I looked at myself in the mirror and then shook off the sensation. Now was not the time to start being morbid.

I undressed and turned on the water. When it ran hot, I switched it to the shower setting and stepped into the tub. The water ran over my skin and I could feel all of what I had been through being rinsed from me .I thought of my future and starting over. I thought of happy things like a family, a new love, getting further on in my career. Then I thought of the beach and the sun. I couldn't wait to see it. I knew I would feel one hundred percent better.

As I started to shampoo my hair, I heard the bathroom door open. "That was quick," I said, giggling slightly. "I will be out in a few minutes ok?"

I listened, but there was no reply. I rinsed the soap out of my hair and then peaked out of the shower curtain. The bathroom was empty. The door stood open. A chill ran down my spine. I shut off the water and grabbed my towel. I dried off quickly and wrapped the towel around me as I exited the bathroom.

"Mom?" I called out. No reply came. I walked through each individual room, but the house was empty. The front door was still locked. I told myself to remain calm. Perhaps the air conditioning had caused a draft and I hadn't closed the door completely, causing it to blow open.

I walked over to the dresser and pulled out my black and baby blue bikini. I put it on and then walked to the closet to retrieve my baby blue sun dress. No sooner than when I had I pulled it over my head there was a loud crash that came from the bathroom.

My pulse raced. It became very clear that I was no longer alone in the house. I ran over to my nightstand, pulled out the top drawer, and grabbed the sewing scissors that I kept in it out. I gripped them in my hand, completely prepared to use them as a weapon if necessary. I walked to the bathroom and lightly pushed open the door. There was shattered glass and blood covering every inch of the bathroom floor. I could not move. What had happened? Where did all the blood come from?

Suddenly, pain started to spread across the soles of my feet. I stumbled over to the bed and sat down to look them over. They were torn up, as if I had walked over a bed of broken glass. A trail of blood was smeared across the new carpet from the bathroom to the bed. It made no sense! I hadn't stepped on any glass.

A stinging sensation moved across my wrists and forearms. A sick ripping noise reached my ears and I began to scream as the scars from where I had slit my wrists began to peel open. Blood started to pour from the wounds, staining everything around me. I doubled over and got sick, the sight of blood and the panic seizing my senses.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" I screamed.

I started to sob hysterically as I ran to the living room to get my cell phone. I needed to call my mother and tell her what was happening. Upon entering the room I shook my head in disbelief. All of the photos that had been put away before I arrived at home had been put back in their original spots. I ran over to the breakfast table and grabbed my phone and dialed my mother's cell number. Blood poured over the entire surface of the phone and made splashy patterns on the carpet below me. The call failed and when I looked at the blood-stained screen of my phone, it showed there being no service in the area. I ran back to the linen closet and grabbed two towels, screaming again as I tied them tightly around my wrists. I ran back to the kitchen and grabbed a pen and a piece of note paper off of the magnetized pad on the fridge and walked briskly back over to the breakfast table and wrote to the best of my ability, "I did not do this."

The room was becoming dimmer and my head spun. It felt as though the walls were caving in on me. I rested my forehead on the cool surface of the breakfast table, praying that my mother would walk in soon and save me. My heartbeat was slowing and my ears had begun to ring. The blackness took over everything and claimed me as its own once again.
Chapter 11:

I opened my eyes and it was still light outside. I was no longer at the breakfast table, but curled up on my bed. I sat up in a panic and looked at my wrists. The cuts were gone and so were the scars. I stared at them harder, waiting for them to suddenly reappear. After my eyes started to feel dry and irritated, I finally blinked. The noise of running water reached my ears. The shower was running. Confusion swept over me as I looked myself over and I was in my black negligee.

I tried to make it all make sense. Had I fallen asleep? Was my mother home and she just didn't want to disturb me? How did I get in the black negligee? I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and it stood at nine thirty a.m. It was earlier than when we had got home from the hospital. How was that possible?

All of the sudden, the shower cut off and there was no more sound of running water. I brought my knees up to my chest. This was too much. What was real? Was this real? Tears of frustration poured down my cheeks and all I could do was stare at the bathroom door and wait for what was going to come out. Would it be my mom? Would it be a monster?

The door opened and I held my breath. Andrew strolled out casually, a beige towel wrapped around his waist. His wet hair swayed sloppily around his face as he walked over to the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt. He walked into the bedroom and stopped short at the sight of me.

"Torey, baby, what's wrong?" He said; his face filling with concern.

Sobs ripped from my throat as my heart shattered to pieces. All healing that had taken place while I had been in the psychiatric wing disappeared. I did not even contemplate answering. Maybe if I quit playing along with these hallucinations they would just stop. It was so real though. I wanted it to be real. I wanted this to be the real reality.

Andrew started walking towards me and sat next to me on the bed. He took me into his arms. His skin was warm from the shower. I had missed the comfort of those arms for so long. "Baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I was paralyzed at first; afraid to feel what I was feeling. "I miss you," I whispered to the hallucination. I took in the smell of his shampoo through my nostrils. My insides twisted in agony in response. I gave in, letting the illusion consume me. I ran my hands across his slightly moist skin. I leaned my head on his shoulder, littering it with tears.

He placed his hands on my face and looked at me with a quixotic smile, "What's there to miss? I am right here? You look so shaken up. What's wrong?"

I forced myself to smile back and I nodded. "I am sorry; I just had a really bad nightmare. It just really seemed real. I haven't quite recovered yet I guess." I prayed for those words to be true. How glorious it would be if it all had been a nightmare.

He raised one eyebrow at me skeptically and then replied, "Well, get dressed. Let's go to breakfast and you can tell me all about it if you want ok?" He stood up, walked over to the dresser to get a pair of boxers and socks, and then started to get dressed. I decided that I would roll with whatever this was and do the same.

I walked over to the closet and stopped to look over at Andrew's outfit. Who knew what month it was or what the weather was like in this reality? I chose out a pair of jeans and a jewel blue short sleeved silk shirt. I walked into the bathroom, leaving the door open in fear that I would open it back up and everything would be different if I closed it. I brushed my teeth and quickly pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I walked out of the bathroom and felt relieved to see Andrew still standing there.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, smiling brightly.

"Yes," I replied.

We put on our shoes and left the house. His silver Mazda once again sat next to my red Honda. I sat down in the passenger side seat and closed the door. Andrew shut his door and started the car. I prayed that this reality would last. I wasn't sure how much more my already frazzled brain could take.

As we pulled out of the driveway, Andrew looked over at me and asked where I wanted to go for breakfast. I brushed a stray stand of hair off of his cheek and behind his ear and told him that he could take me anywhere and I would be happy, and it was true. I just wanted to enjoy however many minutes I had been given in heaven before I slipped off into some new hell.

We got to Esther's Café and parked. We got out of the car and he took my hand as we walked up to the restaurant together. A radiant smile formed at my lips. It was something so normal, something couples did every day. At this moment though, it meant more to me than anything.

We walked into the restaurant and seated ourselves at one of the cheaply made cafeteria style tables. The turquoise walls and beachy decorations gave the café a tacky, but comfortable feel. We had been here a million times. They had the best breakfast at the beach despite the less than glamorous interior.

The waitress walked up, a wise looking lady in her mid-forties. She wore an Esther's T-shirt and khaki shorts. Her bleached blonde hair was pulled back into a neat bun. "Can I get y'all something to drink?"

"I will have coffee and water please," I said cheerfully.

"I will have the same," Andrew chimed in.

I could not help but stare at him. I wasn't going to waste even a second. I could not escape the dreadful sensation that it would not be long before I would wake up somewhere else, somewhere depressing. How long would it be before the walls of my beautiful dream would come crashing down revealing the emptiness that awaits me in the future where he no longer existed?

He grinned at me as he realized I was staring at him. "Do I have something on my face or something?" he laughed.

I just shook my head, laughing as well. "No, nothing like that."

"Well what is it then? You're looking at me like you have never seen my face before."

"I know it doesn't make sense to you, but it just feels like it's been months since I have seen your face. I am just enjoying the view. You are so beautiful, did you know that," I said, looking down bashfully.

"You are the queen of cheesy you know that? That must have been some nightmare you had," he said teasingly. His eyes glowed. His goofy smile was contagious and I could feel a grin spreading in response.

The waitress returned with our coffee. "Do you know what you would like?" she asked politely.

I realized that I hadn't even looked at the menu. Andrew gave his order and I decided to just have what he was having. The waitress walked away and I let myself get lost in his face once again. I took his warm hand in mine and smiled at him worshipfully. Maybe this was real. Maybe it had been a nightmare. I started to relax.

We ate our breakfast and he chatted about our plans for the day. He wanted to go to Blockbuster and pick up some movies. He said we could spend the day curled up on the couch and just watch movies. I loved the idea. I didn't care about the outside world. I was content to be lost in this day for eternity if I could be granted such a thing.

After we paid the bill we headed to Blockbuster. We scanned through the shelves and he walked up to me grinning, holding the new Jet Li flick. I couldn't help but laugh under my breath. It amazed me how I could predict his choices. I held up the newest slasher flick and he gave me a look of playful disapproval. He always hated horror movies, but sometimes he would suffer through one just for me.

"When are you going to stop watching all of that plotless nonsense?" He teased.

"Never! You should just give in and learn to like it," I said, grinning mockingly.

I wrapped my arms around his slender waist and was relieved when I pulled away that we were still in Blockbuster and that he was still standing there. We made our way to the register and paid for our movies. We drove back to the house, hand in hand. I could not recall ever being so happy. How many perfect days like this had I taken for granted? How many other people out there were having these kinds of days and taking them for granted? I was wiser now though. I had been strung through hell and back and I would never take not even one breath for granted. I was so grateful that I seriously doubted there would be any way that he could stir me into any argument. I would happily sit at the house and never go out again. Bars, nightlife, none of it meant anything anymore. I would do it right this time.

We pulled up to the house and I sighed happily. Andrew looked over at me and raised a questioning eyebrow, but the just smiled and shook his head. "You are so weird," he said in an exaggerated voice.

"I know, and that's why you love me," I said in a cutesy tone.

We walked into the house and Andrew walked over to the DVD player and popped in the Jet Li movie. Suddenly, I could feel the coffee weighing down on my bladder. I stared down the hallway in fear. The last thing I wanted to do was to walk into that bathroom. A chill moved down my spine as I thought about the possibility of walking out and Andrew being gone again. I was sure that it would send me over the edge. I wouldn't be able to handle it again.

I tried to sit through the movie, doing my best to ignore my urgency. When it finally reached the point of being unbearable, I reasoned with myself. I wouldn't be able to avoid bathrooms forever. They were a part of life. I looked over at Andrew and shriveled a little on the inside. I grabbed his face and his eyes looked surprised momentarily before I bore down on his lips feverishly.

When I moved my face away from his he looked breathless. "What was that all about? Do kung fu flicks do something for you that you never told me about before?"

"I just love you is all. I will be right back," I said, faking a smile as I walked toward the bathroom.

He smirked and shook his head and sighed, "Weird."

I let out a little nervous laugh, "I know, I know."

I walked down the hallway as if I was walking on eggshells. I reached the door and looked back down the hall at Andrew. He was engrossed in the film once more. I pressed the door in gently as I turned the doorknob and moved a shaky hand toward the light switch. I flipped the switch and flinched, almost expecting something terrible to happen. When I opened my eyes, it was just my bathroom. There was no glass on the cream tile, no blood either. There was no water running. There was nothing abnormal about it what so ever. I sighed. I relieved myself, washed my hands, and the turned the light off as I went to exit the bathroom.

When I entered the hallway I was border lining ecstatic to see Andrew was still sitting on the couch, watching Jet Li beat the bad guys' faces in from the sounds of it. I smiled. Maybe this was the real reality. He did not look up as I reached the end of the hallway. The movie must have reached the climax. Then something distracted me in my peripheral vision.

I looked over and there she was, her lovely young face radiated with happiness. Her chocolate hair bounced with every stride. She did not look as fancy as she had in the fortress. She wore a worn pair of light jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. Her makeup was very plain. None the less I was absolutely positive it was her. It was Ameda. My jaw dropped in disbelief.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?" I screamed.

She didn't even look over at me. She sat next to Andrew and he looked over at her and smiled as placed his arm around her. My stomach turned and my heart raced. I looked back and forth at the both of them in disbelief. "Andrew, what the FUCK!? What are you doing? Why is this bitch in my house?"

He still didn't look up at me and neither did she. I could feel the heat of anger rising to my face. I stood in front of the television as to block his view and screamed again, "Answer me!" He did not move a muscle.

I walked over to slap him, but my hand just passed through him. I backed away in horror. I looked at my hand. It seemed solid enough. I reached out to touch him again, but my hand just slid through his shoulder. I let my arm fall back to my side, standing helpless looking upon their happy faces. I refused to try to make sense of it any longer. My dream had become a nightmare once more. I sunk to my knees and cried as I stared at their happy faces. This was the truth. This was real. I was forgotten. I was insignificant. She was his everything now. What did it matter anymore?

I placed my head in my hands and just cried. I did not care what I was to open my eyes to next. I didn't care anymore. I had set myself up anyway. It is so easy to allow yourself to get carried away when you want to believe, when you want it to be real. Wasn't that true in all realities? Everyone always wants to delude themselves into believing the best and least painful option, when the truth is never that happy and never that glamorous.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I didn't bother looking up. What was the use? If I just stayed where I was, if I just waited it out, I wouldn't have to bother getting my hopes anymore. Maybe I had successfully slit my wrists and killed myself. Maybe this was my eternal punishment, to be pushed from nightmare to nightmare. I couldn't say that I didn't deserve it.
Chapter 12:

"Torey sweetie?" my mother's concerned voice called from above me.

I just shook my head and continued to cry. "Ok, I am going to call the doctor," she said in a low shaken voice as she turned to leave. I grabbed her wrist before she could leave the room and looked up at her. I was scared. I was scared to breathe. I scared to move. I was scared to speak. I looked my mother over and she was in the same sundress as before. I could smell barbeque drifting from the hallway. I looked down and I was nude again. My towel was crumpled up at my side. It was the first time that I had returned to the same reality twice. I hoped that it meant something.

"Wait. I am sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," I said as apologetically as possible.

She looked at me, her face full of worry, "What happened? Why are you sitting on the floor like this crying?"

I thought over the possibility of explaining what happened, but I would be sent right back to the psychiatric wing at Holy Cross and I didn't want that even if that was what was best. "The memories were just a little overwhelming is all. I didn't mean to be so melodramatic. I am fine, really. I'll get dressed and we'll eat ok?"

She looked at me, unconvinced. I pleaded with her with my eyes. Her face softened and she nodded, walking back toward the living room. I wrapped the towel around me and walked into my bedroom. I put on my bathing suit and sundress once more. This time there was no shattering of glass, no pain, and no bleeding. I walked out into the living room and the photos were still put away. I sighed gratefully. I walked over to the breakfast table where my mother sat, separating the food containers.

She looked up at me and smiled. "I got you smoked turkey. I hope that is ok."

I nodded as I took a seat next to her. We ate in silence for the most part. I shoved the turkey, green beans, and sweet potatoes in my mouth thoughtlessly. My mind wandered. I wondered how long it would be now. Would I flip into a new channel of existence? Would it ever come to a rest? How could I ever start rebuilding by life if my life was never the same for more than a few moments, with the exception of my visit to the psychiatric wing?

We finished up and my mother cleaned up, whistling some happy tune. She was always cheerful, always animated. I imagined what she must have been like when she was my age. While I resembled her and reflected her kind hearted nature, I had never been a bright eyed optimist. I wondered if it were possible that maybe I could be someday.

"Do you still want to go to the boardwalk?" I asked her, hope in my every word.

"I'm up for it if you are," she smiled.

"I'll drive," I said enthusiastically. I couldn't help but feel some sort of excitement. Reality or not, I loved to drive. I loved to blare my music and feel the wind rush through my hair when I had the windows down.

We gathered our possessions and headed out to the car after I locked up the house. We walked to the carport and I slipped the keys into my candy apple red Honda. My pulse raced. I unlocked the doors and my mother and I slipped into our seats. The leather seats were warm and inviting. A smile played at my lips. I turned the key and started the car, my CD player blaring. My mother reached up and covered her ears. I quickly adjusted the volume and we were on our way.

I felt like a teenager as the sound of distorted guitars and booming double bass surrounded me. The warm breeze blew the blonde tendrils of my hair around my face. We passed some twenty-something year old guys walking down the sidewalk and they smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile. It strangely felt like in that moment everything might be ok.

We reached the public lot for the boardwalk. I found a space in the crowded lot and became truly excited. I couldn't wait to feel the warm sand on my feet and let the water rush over them. I wanted to walk past all of the brightly painted tourist traps. Maybe I would even get some ice cream.

My mother and I crossed the busy beachfront street. Sporty cars passed by, their bass vibrating the ground we walked upon. Guys adorned in expensive sunglasses and silk button up shirts scanned the streets for girls to shout perverse things at. Girls in bikinis, skirts, and too-high sandals walked in groups, laughing. Reggae poured out of the local bars and the smell of chicken wings floated through the air. Spring was in full swing.

We reached the boardwalk and started walking down the length of it. I smiled as I saw people on long boards with dogs coming down the boardwalk, and couples walked hand in hand in nothing but swim suits. It was all familiar and it felt like home. For some reason it also felt like hope.

A small ramp led down into the sand and I ran, overly excited. I squealed like a child as my feet hit the sand, causing a cloud of sand to swirl about me. I ran to the water and splashed my feet in the tidal waters. My mother walked after me, smiling and laughing. I returned her smiles and laughter.

When my mother caught up with me, we decided to take a walk. I watched seagulls scavenge from above and sandpipers run through the sand. I tried to ignore the surfers in the water, afraid of the pain that they would bring if they conjured a memory.

"So what is your plan now?" My mother asked, breaking the silence.

"Well, I am going to try to get a new job, for starters. Then, I guess the main goal is to get my life back together. I can't hide from life. It's going on whether I want it to or not. I mean, he's not sitting waiting, why should I be?" I said, a hint of resentment shadowing my words.

"That's a very good way of looking at it," she mused. "Well I am going to stay a while. I just want to make sure that you're ok. You've been through a lot and I don't like the thought of you being alone in that house."

I thought of arguing with her and then changed my mind. The company wouldn't hurt. Maybe if she stayed longer, I could get past the hallucinations. Hopefully the one that I had earlier was the last. There was a very real possibility that if I had one of the episodes while she was there that it could land me back in the hospital, but if I was that bad off, maybe that would be what I needed as much as I didn't like the idea.

After walking for quite some time, we made our way back to the car. I was much more relaxed. The beach had calmed me. "Can we come back tomorrow?" I asked my mother, smiling hopefully.

"Sure," she replied with a smile.

We piled back into the car and we were headed back to the house. I lost myself in the streetlights and the music once again. I looked forward to getting home and vegging out in some comfortable pajamas. I was exhausted.

We got home and I walked straight back to the room and threw on my comfortable old maroon pajama pants with a tank top. I didn't care if it was only midafternoon. I was ready to call it a day, assuming of course that I was within the confines of reality.

I walked out into the living room and decided I needed something that I could stare mindlessly at. I looked through the DVD cases that littered the top of my TV. I picked out a Will Farrell movie, knowing that any time I watched one of his films, they lifted my spirits. I curled myself up on the couch and my mother came to join me.

We watched as the story unfolded on the screen. I laughed as Will Farrell humorously portrayed a racecar driver that had taken a long fall after being overly proud and had forsaken his best friend. A small sadness crept through my chest as I thought of the parallels of the plot to my own life. I shook my head and laughed at myself. It was ridiculous to think in such a way.

I went through movie after movie. They slowly lulled me into a state of complete relaxation. Nothing extreme had happened. When I went to the bathroom, I was relieved to walk out to the same setting I had left. Finally it was late and I made my way to bed, kissing my mother on the cheek goodnight as I handed her a pillow and a blanket.

I climbed into my bed and allowed myself to sink into the mattress. The pillow felt nice against my face. I was in my room and it was a welcomed change from the stiffness of my bed in the psychiatric wing. I allowed myself to drift off even though in the corner of my mind, I feared whatever waited me in my subconscious.

The waves crashed on the dark shore. The moonlight reflected off the ocean surface. The sand was wet and cool as I walked. Stars were scattered across the nighttime sky. My light blue sundress flapped in the warm evening breeze. I smiled. I felt no fear here.

The wet shells glittered like jewels in the sand as the water ran over them and then back out away from the shore. I liked the way the small ones crunched underneath the pressure of my feet. I had been walking a long time, but I wasn't tired. I never wanted to leave this moment or lose this feeling. It was purely serene. There were no nightmares. There were no people. It was just me and the peace of the ocean.

I knew that I had thought my last thought to soon because a dark figure walked toward me in the distance. I did not need to guess who it would be. I had grown used to the theme of my dreams. Funny that I knew I was dreaming and still did not wake up.

Andrew closed the distance between us and stood in front of me, unsurprised as if he knew I would be here. He wore his black and white board shorts and a white T-shirt. His brown chin length hair blew in the breeze. I didn't speak. I decided it would just be best to wait it out until I woke up. No point in hurting myself again.

" _Hi," he said, smiling at me._

I stood there just staring at him, not saying anything. I closed my eyes tight and hoped to wake up to the sight of my bedroom. I opened them to the same beach scene, the same beautiful vision of Andrew.

The corners of his mouth turned down into a frown. "Why aren't you saying anything?"

I still gave him no reply. I would no longer be part of this charade. I would not let the twisted distortions of my brain make me victim any longer.

" _Torey, talk to me, please?" He said; his tone sad. His hazel eyes glowed in the moonlight, framed by his long dark lashes and they tugged at my heartstrings. He was so real in my dreams. "Please?" he said again. His face crumpled and I couldn't take it._

" _You're not real you know. This is just my imagination. I will wake up and I will be sad if I allow myself to pretend that you are really here with me. So, don't take it personally. I just don't feel like waking up sad again," I explained flatly to my mind's rendition of Andrew._

He looked down and he was silent for a few minutes. I allowed the silence to just pass, listening to the crashing of the waves against the shore. I was just about to turn and walk away when he looked up and I found myself feeling frightened.

He was positively furious. Even for a nightmare, the expression on his face was truly horrific. It was a look of pure and utter hatred. His face grew red and I started to back away slowly.

" _Why are you backing away?" he asked, madness ringing in his voice. "Do you think I would hurt you?"_

I shook my head as I continued to back up. I was not sure if he would hurt me or not, but I didn't want to find out. This was not Andrew, this was something much darker. His face had twisted into an evil grin, baring his teeth. His eyebrows knitted together in anger. I shuddered, feeling the weight of his hateful gaze.

" _What reason would I have to hurt you Torey? Hmmm?" He started to match my backward steps with forward steps. His voice had changed. There was something monstrous in the tone of it now. I could not think of anything except how badly I wanted to wake up._

" _Maybe it's the fact that you ruined so many years for me. Maybe it's the fact that you stole my youth. Maybe it's the fact that I wasted so much of my precious time on someone so worthless. Maybe that's why I want to hurt you. Maybe it's that you never listened. Maybe it's that you caused me so much pain. I don't really think it matters why I want to, do you? The fact is I do," He said, grinning wider. I knew it was only my insecurities haunting me in the form of a monstrous Andrew, but I was still more frightened than I had ever felt in my life._

I had begun to whimper without even realizing it. The madness was growing in his eyes. My only chance would be to turn and run for it. He would undoubtedly catch me, but hopefully if I ran, I would wake from this nightmare.

I turned around and broke into a full sprint. The shore and the palm trees that lined me on the side became a blur. I could hear him closing in on me within moments. The salty air stung my throat as I ran out of breath. The sounds of his footsteps grew louder and louder until they seemed like they were right on top of me and I found myself hurdling face forward toward the ground. I hit the ground with a loud thump and my breath left me.

He turned me over so I could see his face as he held my wrists above head, his grip much too tight. He smiled down, his face twisted in insanity.

" _Please wake up! Please wake up! Please wake up!" I sobbed. I tried to concentrate on the sky and my breathing. The last thing I wanted to do was look into his face._

There was a stabbing pain and then the agony spread through my chest as I felt my ribs snap. I heard a tearing and squishing sound as he I pulled my still-beating heart out of my chest and laughed. "You always had said it belonged to me, I thought I would take it."

I screamed.

I woke up screaming, sitting up in my bed covered with sweat. I grasped my chest, half expecting to find a gaping ragged hole. My mother came running in the room and my screams continued.

"Torey! Are you ok? What happened?" my mother asked in a panic.

I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed. She rubbed my back and I explained the nightmare to her. I was truly shaken. The other nightmares had been bad because I was losing Andrew, but this was different. It was horrifying because Andrew had become a murderous monster.

She offered to sleep in the room with me and I accepted. I was scared to death of sleep now. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to sleep again. I couldn't face the monster Andrew; the regular memory Andrew was bad enough. My mother turned off the light and settled in next to me.

"You should really try to get some sleep," she whispered.

"Yeah," I replied thoughtlessly as I forced myself back to lying position. I stared at the ceiling. My heart was still racing from the nightmare. How long would I be unhinged? How long would these nightmares plague me?

It was hours before I found sleep again. Luckily when I did fall asleep it was dreamless. When my eyes opened to the noontime sunlight, I was grateful to have gotten some uninterrupted rest. My mother was obviously already up for the day. I could smell the aroma of coffee and pancakes wafting in through the bedroom door. I smiled. I stretched and then hopped out of bed. I made my way to the kitchen.

When I walked into the kitchen I couldn't help but laugh a little. My mother was smiling and whistling, flipping pancakes between sips of coffee. She looked over at me and smiled.

"You're going to spoil me you know," I said teasingly.

"Everyone needs a little spoiling every once in a while," she replied with a smile.

I went to the fridge and pulled out the butter and the syrup and sat them on the breakfast table. I grabbed napkins and forks and placed them on the table as well. My mother walked over with two plates of fluffy, perfectly round pancakes and sat them on the table. She turned around and grabbed her mug of coffee and one for me as well.

We sat down and I smiled appreciatively at her as I buttered my pancakes and poured the syrup over top of them. I shoveled pancakes into my mouth and sipped my bold, hot coffee. "Thanks so much Mom. I could truly get used to this," I said with a giant child-like grin.

"Don't mention it. I really miss making breakfast for you kids. I used to love to get up early and watch all of your bright faces as you came into the kitchen. It made me feel happy," she said, lost in some distant reverie.

After breakfast, we both took showers and got dressed to go to the beach. I looked forward to our outing with the same anticipation that I had the day before. The beach was the cure for all of my worries and fears. I was on day two and hoped that there would be no reality jumping today.

We jumped in the car and headed out for the beach. It was just as lovely and warm as it had been the day before. This time I drove to the parking lot next to the pier. I thought a change in location might be nice.

We walked out to the beach and laid out our towels. I pulled my sundress over my head and lowered myself down on my towel. My mother did the same. I stared out at the water, the sun sparkling on the ripples as far as the eyes could see. The waves were higher than average. It looked like they were peaking at six feet. They would crash down violently and the foam would spread out onto the sand where the birds splashed and young children played.

There was no shortage of surfers next to the pier. I thought to myself how crazy it was that they risked being thrown into the pilings just for the thrill of the bigger waves that generated next to the pier. Fun and happiness meant so many things to different people. I smiled and shook my head at the thought.

The sun felt good against my skin. The cool breeze came by every so often, feeling unbelievable against the sweat coated surface of my arms and legs. I watched the surfers weave in and out of the waves. Then, one of them caught my attention. There was no mistaking the black and white shorts. His wet hair hung stringy around his face. My stomach turned over. Andrew was out there and this time I was pretty sure that I was not hallucinating.

I looked over at my mother and thought of asking her if she saw what I saw, but then stopped when I saw the smile draped across her face. Her eyes were closed. She looked completely at peace. I decided to leave the subject unchallenged. Even if his was out there, it didn't mean anything. We didn't have to leave. It was a public beach after all. If I didn't cause any attention to be drawn to us, he probably wouldn't even notice that we were there, especially if we hadn't talked in the amount of time that my mother and the doctor had said.

Still I was unable to keep myself from watching him turn and twist upon the waves. His tan wet skin glistened in the sunlight. When he would fall into the water and resurface, he would run his hands through his hair, exposing his well-defined face. My heart wrenched and I knew that what I was doing wasn't healthy. Why torture myself with longing for something that I can't have?

I watched as he dropped into another wave. This one looked about seven feet high. Then all of the sudden he was gone. His board was being thrown into the pilings, but he was nowhere to be seen. No one seemed to be panicked. I frantically searched the surface and saw nothing. I stood up and began to run. Sand flew up behind my feet and hit the back of my legs. I could hear my Mom calling out to me from behind, but I didn't turn around. This was different. This was not a nightmare. Andrew could really disappear and whether or not he was with me or not, I did not want anything to happen to him.

I jumped under the first set of waves and swam hard against the current. Again and again I ducked under the oncoming sets, trying to swim out to where I saw his board. No one seemed to take notice of me or the fact that there was someone that had disappeared. The salt water stung my eyes and caused my nose to run, but I just kept fighting and swimming. I reached his board and followed the leash, only to find that there was nothing and no one attached to it. I looked from side to side hoping against hope for some glimpse of him. I had to save him. My heart felt as though it would jump out of my chest. Where had he gone? A pain spread across my chest at the thought that I was already too late.

All of the sudden I saw his head bobbing at the surface. His eyes were shut and his face looked lifeless. I swam frantically over to where he was and grabbed him. With one arm propping his head up, I started fighting my way back to shore. As we closed the distance to shore, another set of large waves come in and stole Andrew from my grip, pounding him into the shore. I became horrified as I got swept up in the current and was hurdled head first into the pilings. There was a smack, followed by pain, and then came the darkness.

I woke up to find myself in a hospital room once again. My throat hurt and so did my head. I imagined that I had come pretty close to drowning. My mother slept in a chair in the corner of the room with her beach towel wrapped around her shoulders. I decided not to wake her. Who knows how long I had been out? I am sure the whole day had been emotionally and physically exhausting. I wondered if Andrew was ok.

A tall, slender, blonde haired doctor walked in. He couldn't have been older than his late twenties or early thirties. A smile stretched across his face, showing off his perfect white teeth. His green eyes sparkled as he realized I was awake. His sea foam green scrubs made him look unnaturally tan. He looked like he belonged in a Hollywood movie instead of a hospital.

"Hi there Torey. My name is Dr. Conner. How are you feeling?" he said cheerfully.

"I've felt better," I replied. My voice was raspy from all of the salt water I had swallowed. "Is Andrew ok?"

"He's fine actually. He's waiting outside. He wanted to talk to you. I can send him in after we talk if you would like."

I thought it over for a minute. What if this is just another illusion? What if I was just setting myself up for another disappointment? Then again, I was already apparently so far gone it did not matter. I nodded.

"Ok, well you took in a pretty serious amount of water into your lungs. You are very lucky to be alive. You also have a concussion where you hit your head against the pilings. Needless to say we will be keeping you overnight for observation. We want to be sure you are fine before we release you. Do you have any questions?"

I simply shook my head. I was anxious to see Andrew. I wondered what he would have to say. I had saved his life. I had actually saved him.

"Ok, well I will be back in a while to check on you. I will have the nurse send Andrew in." The doctor turned around and exited the room. I sat and waited in silence, watching the door.

The door opened and Andrew walked in. He was still in his black and white board shorts. He now had a T-shirt on and flip flops as well. His hair hung in tangled pieces next to his face. He looked worn out, but then I supposed most people who had almost drowned would look the same. His face was still devastatingly beautiful. My heart ached as I attempted to smile and failed miserably.

"Hi," I managed to whisper.

"Hey." He stood in silence for a few minutes just staring at me with his bloodshot eyes. I wondered what was running through his mind, but decided it would be best just to let him speak when he was ready.

"Look, I really well," he looked down at his feet and shuffled them uncomfortably; "I really wanted to thank you for what you did, for saving my life. I don't know how I will ever repay you. I know that we haven't spoken in a really long time. I never really thought that we would ever be in the situation we are in now." He stopped and shifted some more on his feet. He looked like he was struggling to find the words to say.

"Well, you know, just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I would sit back and watch you die. I would like to believe you would do the same for me you know. I mean I still love you. I will always love you. I never stopped caring," I said, my mind filling with memories of days and years past.

"Mike told me about your.... breakdown. Are you ok? I mean, how are you holding up these days?" He sounded genuinely concerned. His gaze fell on my wrists and my eyes followed. The white scars and white dots from being stitched up still remained. I wished that there was a way to make them magically disappear in that instant. Blood rushed to my face in embarrassment.

"Some days are harder than others. I have a lot of nightmares. It's getting better though I guess," I lied through my teeth. "What about you? How are you? I heard you are married now. How is that going for you? Does Ameda know you are here?"

"Things are pretty good," he replied, looking hesitant. "We did get married. The ceremony was nice. Ameda is here. She's out in the hallway. I explained that I needed to speak to you, that I owed it.... Well you get the general idea." His every word struck through my heart like a razor. I knew that what happened did not change anything between us. I knew we would not be friends tomorrow. I knew that I would still be leaving the hospital to the same lonely life that I had been living before. Saving his life did not make him even the slightest bit more in love with me and though I might be crazy, I was not crazy enough to delude myself in believing anything but just that.

All of the sudden, I remembered all of the things I had said to him in my dream about the fortress. It was all the things that I had long to say since it had all ended in the first place. Why not say them now. If I am going to lose it all over again, I might as well just go ahead and put the icing on the cake. He could walk out on me, but it was worth the chance to try.

"Andrew, there are some things I really have been wanting to say to you for a long time. I hope that you will hear me out and then you can leave if you want," I said hopefully.

"Sure, I am all ears. It is the least I can do," he replied with a boyish grin.

"Well, I just wanted to apologize for all of the bad things that happened. I am sorry for all the times I went out and left you at home. I am sorry for the fights and the yelling. I am sorry for every moment that I ever took you for granted. I am happy that you are happy now. I just wish I could have been the one to make you happy. There isn't a day don't miss you. I hope that you can forgive me for all of that. Sorry to bother you with it now, but who knows if I will ever get the opportunity again. So there you have it." Blood rushed to my cheeks as I awaited his reply, unsure of what to expect.

He was silent for a minute and then he looked me in the face and smiled a half smile just shaking his head, "It wasn't just you. It was both of us. There is nothing to forgive. We both made mistakes. We both hurt each other. I don't hold any grudges. I know that you are going to be really happy someday. There were moments when we made each other happy and I think that's more than a lot of people get. So, take care of yourself. Know that I care. We just can't be in each other's lives anymore. It just isn't a possibility." He walked over to me and kissed my hand ever so swiftly. His eyes were shiny and the green in them glowed as if he might cry. He turned his back to walk out of the room and I didn't call after him to stop him. Just like that the door was closed and he was gone out of my life again.

The tears started to fall a few minutes after he had left. The sounds of my soft cries woke up my mother. She pulled the chair over to my side and grabbed my hand. I was sure that this scene was uncomfortable for her. How many times would she have to sit next to a hospital bed and hold my hand?

"What's wrong sweetie?" she asked.

"Andrew just left," I said my voice uneven.

Anger filled her face, "What did he say to you? Was it not enough that you saved his life? Does he feel the need to make you feel worse than he already has? I don't wish death upon anyone, but that boy doesn't deserve anything from you after what he did."

"No, no Mom. It wasn't like that. He didn't say anything mean to me. He was really nice actually. I am just sad that nothing has changed. We are still not going to be friends. We are still not going to be speaking." I explained.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but it is probably for the best. What good would it do if the two of you spoke? All it would do is further impede your healing process. You wouldn't be able to get over him with him in your face and in your life all of the time."

"Plus he is happy now. He found what he is looking for. I would just bring him down. I don't want to get in the way." I said, my eyes focusing on the ceiling so she couldn't see the tears in my eyes.

"You know he is a fool Torey," my mother reassured me. She squeezed my hand with one hand and wiped away my tears with the other. Her pretty face was filled with love and concern.

"No, he just got tired I think Mom. I am not mad anymore. How can I begrudge him happiness? Maybe it doesn't make me happy, but why would I want someone to be unhappy for me?"

We dropped the subject and I closed my eyes to sleep once more. It had been much too long of a day and too much had happened. I guessed in a way though, I had obtained some kind of closure and there was some peace in that.

I was released the next day from the hospital. The hallucinations had ceased all together and though I had nightmares, they weren't as frequent. There was a story in the paper about how I had saved Andrew's life, barely escaping death myself. I got a lot of phone calls in reply to that. Media people wanted interviews. Some of his family had even called to thank me .I made it out to be no big deal though and soon enough it all blew over.

After a month or so, my mother felt confident enough in me to leave me by myself again. I had a new job waitressing at a local wing joint. I had re-enrolled in school. Everything was starting to feel like it had a certain level of normalcy and all of the fear and sadness, slowly melted away to the background of my mind.

My mother stood at my front door with her suitcase in hand, a small amount of worry still playing across her face. "Now if you need anything at all you call me ok? I will be back down here as fast as you need me." She looked lovely. Her hair hung in natural curls and the green flowered dress she wore brought out her eyes. I smiled.

"Mom, I will be fine. I have to get back to being an adult sometime. I will call often, I promise. I am just looking forward to a new start. I really appreciate everything. Come down and visit soon. I am going to miss you and your fabulous pancakes." I laughed and moved to embrace her.

She squeezed me tight and said, "I will miss you too. I love you. You take care of yourself."

I pulled away and wiped the small tears that had formed at the corner of her eyes away. "You drive safe now. Call me when you get there."

She nodded and waved as she reached her car. I watched as she drove away under a perfect sunset and I was alone once more. The warm evening breeze blew across my skin and for the first time it felt like I would be able to take everything on. Maybe I could still have a happy ending. Maybe everything I wanted would still be possible. I turned around to go back inside and resolved that I would move forward and be happy someday. This day would mark the first day of the rest of my life.
Chapter 13:

I walked in from work at about seven in the evening. I was completely exhausted. I threw my purse and my apron on the couch and flipped on the light in the living room. I walked down the hallway to my bedroom and opened my closet to retrieve my pajamas. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than a hot shower to unwind.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. I folded my pajamas neatly on the toilet seat and turned on the shower. I peeled off my work shirt and shorts as the water heated up. I jumped in the shower sighing as soon as the water hit my skin. The jets of heat released the tension from my shoulders. I could feel all of the day's worries falling from me. All of the rude customers and all of the stress of the Friday night rush just disappeared. After this I looked forward to a nice hot cup of chamomile tea and a couple hours of reading before calling it a day.

After I was done, I shut off the water and reached for my towel, drying myself off thoroughly before throwing on my old maroon pajama pants and tank top. I was just about to leave the bathroom when I stopped short in my tracks, noticing that the mirror had gone black in my peripheral vision.

I closed my eyes and rubbed them, counting to ten, not wanting to believe it. It had been so long since I had any hallucinations. I was doing so well. Why would I have one now? My stomach tied in knots and all of the stress that had been released in my shower was working its way back through my muscles triple fold.

I opened my eyes. A gangleus appeared with Andrew in its arms. Andrew was in a blue plaid pair of boxers and an old grey T-shirt. The circles beneath his eyes made me guess that he had been ripped from his sleep. I shook my head in disbelief. There was no possibility that this was real. After considering my options, I turned to walk away and force myself to go bed. I was doing too well now to give into some ridiculous illusion now.

"Where do you think you are going?" The gangleus said in its gruff voice. My feet left the floor and I was turned to face the illusion once more.

"Torey, what's going on?" Andrew asked; his voice somewhat shrill and frightened. Sweat was beginning to form in beads on his forehead and his silky brown hair was starting to mat against it.

"I am hallucinating, that's what going on. In a few minutes, none of this will matter and I will probably be on the floor screaming somewhere," I replied, following with bitter laughter.

"What are you talking about? Torey, this is real. Trust me. Go get help!" Andrew retorted in a panicked voice.

"Well, that won't be possible. That's not the way things work in my nightmares. That evil fellow who has you hostage there won't let me go do that now will he?" I said in a mocking tone. The ganglees laughed and I found myself being sucked through the mirror. The only words that came to mind were, "Here we go again."

Within moments we were in the dungeon cell that I had dreamt up previously. The wet floor still reflected the torchlight that came from the hall. I could see the cuffs and chains on the wall where I had imagined being before. The gangleus laughed as it looked us over one more time. He locked the cell door and floated away, no doubt to let one of the other figments of my imagination know that we had arrived. Andrew sat dumbfounded in the corner, looking like he was on the edge where sanity and insanity meet.

"Do you know where we are?" Andrew asked, his eyes wild with fear.

"Welcome to my worst nightmare sweetie," I said sarcastically, "This is the dungeon of my subconscious I guess. It hasn't even come close to the worst part yet. I will lose you in some fucked up twist no doubt. You will disappear. I will wake up screaming, or crying, or bleeding, or god knows what else. I've grown so used to it that I don't even think I can be surprised anymore." I said, clearly disinterested in what was happening. I have been here before and I knew the real deal. Andrew was back at home, safe, with his perfect little young brunette. I apparently was just some nut bag that was unable to accept the fact that things had changed.

Andrew stood up and walked over to me, crouching beside me. He took my face in both of his hands and stared deeply into my eyes, "Torey, listen, this is real. I am telling you this is real. You are not dreaming. I am not sure what you know about where we are at, but it doesn't look like we're in a good situation here and something tells me that every moment counts." He kept hold of my face and I tried to resist it. He was so real. It was all so real. The again it always was so real. That didn't change the fact that it was all in my head.

I rolled my eyes, "Fine. We are in the Black Fortress in the Ganglesh mountains, which is some fictional land that my brain made up to deal with your marriage and the loss of you. That creature that had you is a gangleus. The gangleus are Queen Ameda's henchman. They are magically inclined and as far as I can tell they are undefeatable. She is probably going to have the gangleus bring both of us to see her, at which point she will kill or exile me, and keep you. Then again why should you care? This is just a dream and Ameda is your girlfriend in real life anyway, so you don't get the raw end of the deal," I explained bitterly.

"How do you know all of this?" Andrew asked in disbelief.

"I have had this dream before. I thought it was real before. The day I slit my wrists was the day I had this dream. I will not be fooled again." I replied, my voice full of resolve.

Andrew looked completely lost and in shock. I wanted to sympathize, to tell him that it would all be ok, that I would work to save him, but my dreams never worked out positively and the pain of giving in to the illusion just wasn't worth it. I tried to block his presence out, but failed miserably over and over again.

I sat with my chin resting on my knees as Andrew paced restlessly back and forth across the cell. His large bare feet now were completely covered in filth from the murky wetness of the cell's floor. I felt completely numb. What was there really to fear? I had already lost in the real world. There was nothing more to lose here. I would wake up and be in the same situation that I had been in before this nightmare had taken place.

Shuffling came from down the hall and I stood, awaiting what I knew came next. The gangleus reappeared in front of our cell. Andrew froze where he stood, "The queen would like to see the both of you," he said, moving his arms in the door opening motion from my previous dream. Both of our feet left the ground and we were floating after the gangleus once more. I looked at Andrew with an "I told you so" glare and he looked back at me in helpless terror.

We made our way through the dungeon. The cells still held the same creatures that grunted, whinnied, and snarled as we passed. Andrew's face was frozen in the same horrific expression. His eyes looked as though they might jump out of his skull. We floated up the same spiral staircase as before. As we went through the decadent hallways, everything was exactly as I had imagined before. The scent of magnolias still radiated from the candles, the art was still beautiful. The statues were perfect, just like before. I was no longer impressed, I actually felt bored. I looked over at Andrew and his expression had changed as he gazed at everything through wide, child-like eyes. His mouth was hanging open in awe.

Just like before we took a right into a dark hallway, draped in burgundy chiffon. The same scowling faces peered out from the paintings. The same black ornate candleholders held the same burgundy candles. We approached the grotesque mahogany doors that had sent a shiver down my spine before and they opened at the wave of the gangleus' hands.

The room was exactly as I had remembered. The plush burgundy rug sat in the center of the room with its four couches. The stained glass windows still portrayed the same horrific scenes. Next to the large round mahogany table is where she waited for us, this time in a navy blue satin gown with silver heels. She had her hair back in a ponytail, the strands hanging in ringlets. Her red painted lips were twisted into the most gloriously evil smile. The scroll was already in her hand. I waited for what had happened before to repeat itself.

"Ameda?" Andrew called out from the side of me. He sounded truly confused.

"Not quite," the queen said, laughing. "We can discuss that later though. Right now, we need to discuss more important things," she said giggling the same evil child-like giggle that she had in my previous dream.

"Can we just get a move on with it," I sighed impatiently. The quicker that it was over with, the quicker I could wake up to my miserable life. It was enough to have already been through this little charade once.

The queen smiled at me, looking slightly taken aback. "Your wish is my command," she replied, giggling once more. Andrew looked over at me with a glance of utter disbelief and disgust.

"Andrew, I am going to give you a choice. You can go home. You will be completely unharmed, but there is a price." she paused to add to the dramatics. Illusion or no illusion, it still made my blood boil to listen to her toy with him.

"Basically, if you leave she will kill me, but leave you unharmed. If you stay, she will let me leave unharmed," I snarled, rolling my eyes.

"Yes, thank you Torey. I wasn't going to put it so bluntly, but that is the gist of it. So, what do you think Andrew? Which would you prefer?" She beamed over at him.

Andrew looked completely dumbfounded. He looked from me to the queen and back again. If this were reality I could see where he would have been confused. After all, the queen was of course the spitting image of his girlfriend with the same name and I was just floating there calm as ever, waiting for my doom.

"Torey?" Andrew called to me. His eyes looked tortured. It was as if he wanted me to make the decision for him.

"It doesn't really matter you know. Either way, I am going to wake up screaming. Go ahead, let her cut me up and bleed me dry if she wants. Decide to stay here if you feel the need. I am imagining all of this anyway. Nothing changes the fact that we won't be together when I wake up," I explained harshly. I wondered which way the nightmare would go this time. Maybe if he chose for me to die, I would wake up more quickly. After all, didn't everyone say that you could not die in your dreams?

His face crumbled as he shook his head in disbelief and he began to cry. "This is real, Torey! Right now this is real! I can't let her cut you up. I can't let her bleed you dry. We may not be together, but I care about you! It's the same as I tried to explain to you in the hospital. I wish you would realize that this isn't a dream!" He looked at my face searching for some sympathy or some kind of understanding.

I was already starting to fall apart. The desperation in his voice ate at my insides. The look on his face was tearing apart my heart. It was if my mind would not be satisfied until the dream had completely broken me. It was as if I was not allowed to wake up with any shred of dignity or sanity left in my grasp.

"How sweet of you Andrew. You are so caring towards someone who deserves it so little. I can't say I am displeased though. I would love to have you here. So, are you going to stay?" the queen asked, tilting her head to the side, her bell-like voice conveying her impatience.

Andrew took a deep breath and then said, "Yes."

Things proceeded exactly as they had before. At the snap of the queen's fingers another gangleus appeared with a knife. Tears streamed down his face as they pricked his finger and he dotted the line like he had in my last dream. This time there would be no intimacy to wait through. I wouldn't be put through the torture of kisses and embraces like before. This was very cut and dry. Before long she would snap her fingers and I would wake up feeling disturbed. Yet somehow I almost wished that we did have that one more imaginary evening. I was a very sick girl when it came down to it, I supposed.

"Any last words you would like to say before I send her home," the queen asked in a mocking tone. She folded her hands in front of her and started to pace around Andrew, eying her new prize.

He looked into my eyes and I could see so many things there. There was fear, love, sadness, remorse, anger, and helplessness fluttering in the golden brown and green. His lips quivered as he began to speak, "Torey, just know I loved you ok? I did, even though it didn't work out. I know it is a lot to ask, but could you tell Ameda I love her too? I am sure she will be worried sick. Tell my family what has happened. Tell everyone I will miss them. Take care of yourself and know that if you harm yourself then you spit on what I have done today. Just do that for me ok?"

My heart broke for the illusion. I unraveled and tore apart at every seam. This dream was going to cause me suffering and I knew it. I gave in as I nodded and whispered, "I love you and I miss you. I miss you every day. I know this isn't real, but it doesn't make it any less true."

The queen laughed her evil maniacal laugh and smiled at me. "Goodbye Torey," she giggled and then snapped her fingers.

My eyes opened to my cream tile floor once more. I slowly stood up and looked in the bathroom mirror. I was still in my pajamas. I still looked the same. I had returned to reality once more. I decided that I would make no mention of my newest hallucination to anyone. After all, I had come too far to have to start over now.

Sadness filled me as I walked into the bedroom and crawled under the covers. I let my head sink into the pillow and closed my eyes, wet with new tears. The images of his distressed face danced behind my eyelids. Within minutes I was asleep. I slept deeply and though I may have dreamed, I did not recall any of them when I woke.

I was sitting at my breakfast table drinking coffee, staring at the walls as my mind wandered when the first call came in. I looked at the screen of my cell phone to see an unfamiliar number. I flipped my phone open and put it to my ear.

"Hello," I answered in a drowsy voice.

"Torey?" the bell-like voice replied, full of panic.

"Yes?" My mind traced over faces, trying to match one with the voice. I knew it from somewhere.

"Please don't hang up, but this is Ameda. I really need to talk to you."

My stomach twisted and my pulse accelerated. What could she possibly want from me? She had stolen my entire life and everything I worked for. Was that not enough? Maybe she and Andrew were having problems and she wanted the ex's perspective. Wouldn't that be rich? I rolled my eyes and laughed internally.

"What do you want?" I asked, making my tone as acidic as possible.

"Andrew is missing! I have called everyone and no one has talked to him. He was in bed when we laid down last night and then I woke up and all of his things were here, his car was here, but he wasn't. I thought maybe he might have gone to see you or called you. As angry as that might make me, I am just really worried. If he's over there, would you please just go ahead and tell me?"

My mind played over last night's nightmare. I felt as if I would be sick. What if it had been real? I tried to mask the rising panic in my voice as I went to reply, "He's not here. I haven't spoken to him since that day in the hospital. If this is your number, I can call you if I hear from him."

"Yes, I would appreciate that. Sorry to have bothered you," she said and then hung up, not waiting for a reply.

I sat there stunned. Every second of what I thought had been an illusion played back through my mind. His tortured gazes, my short and cruel replies, everything made me sink further into my despair. We had really been there and I had scoffed at him. I could feel my growing self-hatred in every fiber of my being. I had not moved to comfort him. I had not said a kind word to bring down the terror. He was out there somewhere in a parallel dimension because he had saved my life. How I wished that he would have let her cut me into pieces.

More panic moved in as I wondered how I would ever tell anyone. No one would believe me. It would be just as before. Everyone would assume I had lost my mind. Everyone would work together to have me locked up. The reality of it all crashed down on me and crushed any hope of peace ever returning again.

I got up off of my bed and ran back to the bathroom. I stared at the mirror in disbelief. Why? I didn't understand. Why couldn't my nightmare end? Why couldn't it have just stopped with me? I crawled up onto the sink and stared at myself in the glass; tears streaming down my face that looked like it had aged overnight. I lifted my hands to the glass and started bawling.

"Please take me instead. Give him back. He has a life. He has someone worrying about him. Why can't you just torture me? Why can't it just stop with me? Why?" I sobbed and I waited, but there was no reply. It was just a mirror and I was alone in the bathroom, alone in the world. I wanted to rip my own skin off, not being able to stand being me. I had lost him again, only more than before. No one would ever see him again. No one would ever see the way his smile reached his eyes and made them glow. No one would ever hear his laugher, or see the peaceful way he looked when he slept. He would never go on to make children and be the wonderful father I always knew that he would be. He was forever gone and I hadn't lifted a finger to stop it from happening. It was enough to make me lose my mind.

Months passed by and nothing happened. There were no more blackened mirrors, no more hallucinations, no more anything. It was just me and the unbearable despair that ruled my life. The local news had done a report on Andrew's disappearance. There were no leads, but no signs of foul play either. He had just vanished without a trace. People speculated that he had maybe broken the law and was on the run or that he had met someone and was too much of a coward to face Ameda and get the divorce. I knew the truth though. I wanted to be locked up in some stocks like in medieval times and be stoned to death.

Ameda had decided to move out of town. I guess she could not handle the memories. I probably would have left too if I thought I could ever outrun the feeling. She could restart a life somewhere. Maybe her nightmares would fade in time. That would be a luxury that I would never be granted.

When I got the news that she was leaving I called her up and I told her the truth. I had to at least try to keep my promise to Andrew. I told her of what had went down that night, about the world that existed through the mirror, about how he had asked me to tell her that he loved her. She had called me a crazy bitch and told me I was cruel. She had hung up the phone crying. I never heard from her again and neither did anyone else I knew.

Over time people forgot. The phone calls stopped, the search stopped, everything just stopped and life went on. That is, life went on for everyone, but me. Every day I wake up to the same thing. I go to work, I come home, I sit in the bathroom and wait for something to happen, to have the chance to set things right. My own reflection taunts me and drives me mad. I know that I should give up, but I can't. He had saved me and I would sit in front of that mirror until the day I die just to know I didn't miss the opportunity to save him.

I shut out everyone. I quit answering my phone. I quit answering the door. I felt dead inside and I lived as if I was. I did not want anyone to know me. I did not feel that I deserved to be a part of humanity. I was a monster and no matter how sorry I was, nothing was going to change what had happened. I went through the motions. I smiled at the customers who came into my work, I paid my bills, I ate sometimes, I slept when possible, but that was all that existed for me.

The nightmares had become worse than ever. There was never a morning where I didn't wake up screaming or crying. Strangely enough it was just the same thing over and over. The night replays and I never do anything different. The guilt was more than unbearable. I wanted nothing more than to bleed myself dry and write I am sorry over and over again on the white walls of what used to be our bedroom in the blood that had betrayed him, but as he had said I would be spitting on what he had done for me if I hurt myself and I knew he was right. I could not end it. There would never be any relief and time was making no difference. I could not bring myself to believe that I deserved anything more.

Years had passed by. Everyone was gone from my life. I stopped going to see family when the holidays came and they had given up on calling or inviting me anymore. My friends had given up long prior. The sounds of their concerned voices no longer rang out across my voicemail. There were no more urgent text messages asking me if I was ok, if I was healthy, if there was anything they could do. What could I say in return? I was beyond pretending that everything was ok. I was beyond pretending that anything in the world held any joy or interest for me anymore. The world, my friends, my family, they were all better off without me.

The stress had taken its toll on my appearance. When I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw myself, but just some old dried up ghost of the person I used to be. Stress lines mapped across my face, telling stories of the horror I had seen, of the utter loss that I felt. I could not even remember how to smile, or how it had felt to laugh. All of the good memories had faded away and all I could remember was the look of his tear stained face. That face still gnawed at my insides every time I remembered it. The wound never healed, the pain never lessened.

I would spend my afternoons in front of the mirror wondering often if he was still alive. What had happened to him on the other side of the mirror? I wondered what kind of life he led and if he had ever found a way to be happy. I hoped somewhere in his heart of hearts he was able to forgive me for what had happened, for the way I had acted. Then again, how could he forgive me when I was unable to forgive myself? No one would ever know.

This was then end to my twisted fairy tale and there was no happy ending. I was living in a perpetual nightmare that cycled over and over, never to end. I would live life alone, and the secret would go with me to my grave. Andrew was gone because of me and that was to be my own personal hell until the day that the breath left my chest and my heart ceased to beat.

***
About the Author

Traci Smith lives in Pennsylvania with her husband Richard, their dog Ceasar, and their cat Luna in southwestern Pennsylvania. Look for future projects at smashwords.com Contact at: codenamespivey@verizon.net
