- My crush asked me out, but
he said he wanted to keep it
a secret and he didn't wanna tell anybody.
Is that okay?
Mm, mm...
(laughs)
That raises some big red flags, to me.
Hey guys, it's Madelyn
Cline from "Outer Banks"
and I am here with Seventeen to answer
all of your dating questions,
so let's get started.
(chill electronic music)
How do I help a friend
stuck in a love triangle?
Obviously, you can never
tell someone what to do,
they're always going to
do what they wanna do,
but if it were my friend, I
would tell them to get out,
I would tell them to
take care of themselves,
make themselves a priority,
love themselves first.
In my opinion, in a love
triangle, someone always ends up
getting hurt, someone
always ends up getting
the short end of the stick
and also, in my opinion,
if you love someone or someone loves you,
you are their number one.
You are their first choice,
you shouldn't feel like
you come second or have to compete.
How do I get over a guy
who barely knows I exist?
Girl, I have been here so many times.
And I have spent so many nights
crying or being upset and
sitting by myself in my room
just trying to will
myself to get over a guy
who just doesn't see me,
and I know how hard that is.
But, as hard as it is, bottom line,
if a guy can't see you for who you are
and how wonderful you are and what you add
to the peoples' lives around you,
and what you add to a
room when you walk in it,
and how beautiful you are
and how funny you are,
and how intelligent you
are, and I don't know,
your hobbies or your
favorite shows to watch
or your little quirks, if he
can't see all of those things,
girl, he's not worth your time.
I promise you, if he
can't see all these things
he's not gonna be a good friend to you
and if he's not gonna
be a good friend to you
he won't be a good anything more to you.
Just remind yourself when
you're upset and you're hurting
remind yourself that you
are worth so much more
than to spend your time
and your tears on this guy.
How do I know if a guy
is flirting with me?
I'm still figuring this out,
'cause every guy's different!
You never know, but I
think across the board
with anybody, it's effort.
It's the effort he puts in to talk to you,
to be around you, to make you laugh,
to find out what you
like, what you don't like,
to meet your friends,
if someone is flirting with you
and if someone likes you, you
will not have to guess at all.
Like, they will definitely make it known
that they wanna be around you.
So how do I let a friend down gently
after they've asked me out?
I've had to go through this
and I've also been on the
other side of the situation
where I expressed feelings
that were not reciprocated,
and it's tough, it's tough on both sides.
I think the two important
things to keep in mind
are one, treat them the way
that you would wanna be treated
if you were in their shoes,
and two, be honest.
I think, to begin with, when
you approach the conversation
always list out what you love about them
and what you love about their friendship
and what they add to your
life and what their friendship
adds to your life.
Because, it probably does!
And you wanna keep them
in your life as a friend.
And then also, too, you have to be honest
about why you don't feel the same way.
And maybe it's because you
have feelings for someone else
or maybe it's because
your feelings for them
are completely platonic,
or maybe it's because
you don't wanna ruin the friendship.
Whatever it is, it's valid,
but you have to, you owe them,
as their friend, you owe them the honesty
for them to handle it
in the ways they need to
and if that means they
have to take a few days
and think about it and process it,
then you totally have to respect that.
But at the end of the day,
it's always best to still have
them in your life as a
friend then to not at all.
I had a crush on a guy,
and so I asked him out,
and then first he said no
and then he asked me out.
And then there was a
dumb misunderstanding,
and we just stopped going out.
But I still like him, so what do I do?
This sounds complicated.
I truly think that you should talk to him,
I think you should be honest,
I think you should text him
or call him or whatever,
open up a dialogue with him
and ask him if he would
be willing to sit down
and have a very honest
conversation about what happened.
With no hard feelings, just
complete and utter transparency.
And if you guys like each
other, more than likely,
he's totally gonna understand
and you're gonna put it behind you.
Disagreements and misunderstandings
happen all the time
but I think the biggest
thing is communication.
That's how you're gonna get over it,
that's how you're gonna get past it,
and hopefully, that's how
you're gonna grow stronger
in your friendship or otherwise.
But I think the main thing is
hit him up and talk to him.
My crush asked me out, but
he said he wanted to keep it
a secret and he didn't wanna tell anybody.
Is that okay?
Mm, mm.
That raises some big red flags, to me.
First of all, my feelings
would be extremely hurt.
If a guy asked me out or wanted to date me
and then he didn't want
people to know, like,
that, you know, that raises
all sorts of questions
and that's, you know,
grounds for insecurities
and it just doesn't seem like solid ground
to start a relationship on.
I think you should talk to
him, I think you should have
a very open and honest
dialogue about why he doesn't
want people to know.
He possibly could have
a very valid reason,
I don't know what that reason would be,
because it does sound fishy.
The whole reason you ask someone out
is because you don't want to
hide your feelings for them.
So, I think before
jumping to any conclusions
or psyching yourself out about it,
talk to him and gauge how he reacts
to you opening up a dialogue.
If he's not receptive, then
it might mean that he's trying
to hide something or you know,
there's something that he
doesn't wanna talk to you about
and if that's the case,
I would say get out.
But if he has a valid
reason, talk about it.
Like, talk things through
and lay everything out
and be completely transparent.
Misunderstandings happen all the time.
How long is it appropriate to
wait before saying I love you?
Some people obviously get
weirded out when you say it
too early and you definitely
don't wanna say it
like on the first date or the first night,
you might wanna wait a little bit
just not to, so as to
not psych someone out.
But I think you should go with your gut.
If you really, truly
feel like you love them
and you want them to know, like,
that's a really wonderful thing
to be able to share with someone,
so you know, just feel
it out, go with your gut
and if you wanna say it, then say it.
How do I know if I should get
back together with someone?
I personally have not had
good experience with this,
but I'm not saying it can't work.
I think the biggest thing is making sure
that whatever you ended up
breaking up from in the past
is not only resolved with yourself
but also with that other person,
you have communication about the issue,
you've matured from it and
you've moved on from it.
Because past issues
are like wrecking balls
and they definitely fester
and you don't want that to
ruin a potentially really great
relationship you have with this person.
So I think if it feels
right and it feels real
and it's, you feel like that's
the person you wanna be with,
then by all means go for it.
But just make sure that
you have communication.
Thanks for letting me
answer all your questions,
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(blowing kiss)
