 
# Pieces of You & Me

### A Duet: Book One

## Pamela Ann

### Contents

Copyright

Prologue

1. Liv

2. Grey

3. Liv

4. Grey

5. Liv

6. Grey

7. Liv

8. Grey

9. Liv

10. Grey

11. Liv

12. Liv

13. Grey

14. Liv

15. Liv

16. Grey

17. Liv

18. Liv

19. Liv

20. Liv

21. Grey

22. Liv

23. Liv

24. Liv

25. Liv

26. Grey

27. Liv

28. Liv

29. Grey

30. Liv

31. Liv

32. Liv

33. Liv

34. Liv

35. Liv

36. Liv

37. Liv

BOOK END

Website

PREVIEW

Prologue

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

44. READ UNAPOLOGETIC
**Pieces Of You & Me**

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

**Copyright © 2014 by Pamela Ann**

**All rights reserved**.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without a written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

**Edited By**

Kristin & Alison

**Cover By**

Melissa Gill
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

― Albert Einstein

# Prologue

### Back in third grade...

There were ten kids invited for Edith's, my best friend, summer party.

After three hours of fun games, swimming, eating and other festivities, all eleven of us gathered in Edith's bedroom to play spin the bottle.

I was having fun laughing at the others' dares up until it was my turn, pairing me with Greyson Edwards—the new boy that had transferred into our school and everyone had been crushing hard on.

"Ooohh, Olivia's going to have her first kiiiiisss," everyone teased while I blushed hot red, looking away from Greyson as I slowly got up and hid inside the closet, which had been marked as the kissing closet.

The small area was dark and chilly, but it smelled comforting—like lavender.

I sat on the carpeted flooring, waiting for him to come. I could hear some shuffling then I saw his face—blushing as hard as I was—before he went inside the closet with me. He closed the door behind him, and then sat right next to me, silent.

Weren't boys supposed to be initiating the kiss?

"Umm, should we get this over with? I don't want them waiting." I could see the outline of his face, his beautiful eyes that struck me speechless.

_I love his eyes_ , I thought as our gazes connected.

"Are you sure it's okay?" he asked nicely. I could hear his voice shake a little.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't like you." Everyone liked him, girls most especially.

He turned to face me, smiling. "Can I make you mine? My girlfriend?"

My heart sped up—but wait, _his girlfriend?_ "Didn't Marie ask you to be her boyfriend last week?" I didn't want to step on anyone's toes. Besides, it was rude to steal boyfriends. That was the rule.

He shook his head, still smiling at me. "I told her I'd think about it, but I'll drop any girl for you," he said eagerly.

_"You would?"_ Wow. He must like me a lot then.

He nodded. "Yeah, because you're the prettiest and your laugh makes me smile."

I bit the bottom part of my lip, smiling shyly at him. "Okay, I think you're cute, too. I guess you can be my boyfriend." I really liked him a lot.

He reached for my hand before gazing into my eyes. "Cool. Can I kiss you now?"

I gave a quick nod. "Yes, you may."

Our kiss was quick and sweet. After we parted, it was as if I looked at him differently. My stomach was flip-flopping crazily and I wanted more of his sweet kisses.

"You're mine now, Olivia Taylor."

And he was mine.

Glancing down at my lucky charm bracelet that I'd made last week, I pulled it off my wrist and handed it to him. "Here, keep it safe. I'll always come back to you."

"Are we forever, Liv?"

"Forever, Grey," I promised.

## 1

# Liv

_Hi Sweetie!_

_Can't wait to see you in a couple of days! How are things holding up with Liam? I'm sure you two lovebirds will work it out just fine. He can always come and visit you, you know._

_Spend as much time as you can with your dad. You won't see him for another year, sweetie. Try not to be too hard on him. He loves you dearly._

_By the way, remember that guy I mentioned I met a week after you left? Well, I want you to be the first to know, I'm engaged!!! What a nice surprise, right? I'll tell you all about it when you get here._

_I love you,_

_Mom_

_P.S. No, I haven't lost my mind, hun. I'm in love :)_

When Mom mentioned "surprise", I never would have thought I'd get the surprise of a lifetime.

As expected, Mom was at the airport waiting on me with a huge grin on her face after I had spent my entire summer in Sydney with my father. He moved out there after he and Mom got divorced two years ago. Bizarre really, 'cause I left my summer to spend winter with him.

It wasn't all that bad after I started dating Liam Hollingsworth, who was a freshman at the University of Sydney. We promised to try and work things out, but as much as I liked him, I was also aware that long distance relationships were hard work. So we had decided to see how it'd be for a while; we were basically measuring the difficulty ahead of us or to see if it was even worth trying.

So I was unofficially single, if that made sense at all.

Mom didn't unfold her secret until we were all alone. This whole bomb landed on me the second we got onto the freeway.

"Okay, I don't want to keep you waiting 'cause I know you might be dying to know who the man is, just don't freak out, okay?" My mom glanced at me sideways before looking out to the road ahead with a large, beaming smile playing across her face.

Well, if her smiles were always this huge, then I didn't care if she married a preacher. Okay, _maybe_ a little, but seriously, watching her now—seeing how happy she was—made me realize how lonely she might've been the last two years. It was drastic for her to get engaged with someone so quickly, but if it was what she wanted, then who was I to come in-between her and her Prince Charming? Well, here's hoping that he was the one after all. _Hell, I have yet to meet him_.

"Seriously, who is your mystery man? You're killing me, smalls." Pulling out my strawberry lip salve, I popped the tin open before I glided my pinky over it and applied some to my lips.

"It's Brett Edwards," she said with a pained, crossing on sour, face.

I dropped my lip salve along with my jaws. "You're kidding, right?" _Please, please, please, tell me that you are_. I was praying to the gods—or whoever was listening—to help me salvage my senior year in high school.

Mom exhaled a long sigh—a big indicator that she was darn serious. "This was why I never mentioned it to you because I was afraid of _this_ ; that you might change your mind and never come back here, Liv."

She was imagining the extremes. Come on, really? It was no big deal. I was a grown up; I could deal with this. " _But Brett, mom? Really?_ " _That_ did not come out right. Personally, I had no problems with Brett, his only child on the other hand, _Greyson_... Ugh. Kill me now.

He was your typical asshole... Thinking about him was a waste of energy. Enough said.

Mom reached out and gave my arm a tight squeeze. "He's amazing, Liv. He treats me like a queen. Not only that, but he makes me feel wonderful. I did promise you that I wouldn't marry again until I found my Mr. Darcy. Well, I believe with my whole heart that he is, Liv. He loves me. Well, he's been in love with me for decades. That's why he never got married."

That got my attention. Pride and Prejudice was our all time favorite film. For her to mention Mr. Darcy, it was major deal. "What do you mean? How long have you known him?"

"Since high school and then college, but he left to live in Chicago after we graduated. As you know, I was dating your dad since I was seventeen, so he never stood a chance."

My mom's story was disheartening, but at the same time, inspiring. I had to suppose if Mom and Brett would be happily married and in love, my feelings about Greyson would have to be set aside. I had nothing against true love.

"I also forgot to mention it to you, hun, but we moved in with them. Greyson lives in the pool house, so you're in the clear. I promise." My mom rushed to add in that teeny, bitty piece of information.

_Inhale, exhale, Olivia._ The world wasn't ending. This was my chance to give Mom her happiness, so I dared not ruin this for her. Living with the Edwards— _of course!_ Brett and Mom were now engaged.

"I need a moment to digest this tidal wave of crap, Mom."

"I'm so sorry to do this to you, Liv. I wanted to warn you, but I was scared you might not come back home."

"You're being silly. Of course I'd come back, but I would've appreciated a little adjusting time, you know? This is a lot to take in, Mom. The crazy, major, upheaval kind, but if you're happy, then I'm happy. That's all I want."

My mom looked misty-eyed before she gave me a grateful smile. "Thank you, sweetie." She sniffed, wiping the sides of her eyes. "This means a lot to me. I expected screaming or even an attempt to get out of it, so thank you for not putting me through that. You're the best daughter a mom could wish for."

She always gave me too much credit; however she was my mom, right? They always tended to do that, even if their kids were horrendous. "Thank me after a week and I haven't scratched Greyson's eyes out."

"He's a good kid, Liv. Just give him a chance. Trust me."

Yep, that was what my mother said.

But, not a chance in hell I'd give that douche a chance. I didn't trust him. All he ever did was make snide remarks whenever he was anywhere near my vicinity.

_This_ belief was reinstated that very same night after Brett and Mom chatted up with me for a couple hours after dinner; talking about Liam, my undecided college plan, my goals and so forth. As Mom assured me earlier, Brett was a good man—a man who thought the world of my mother. It was icky and amazing at the same time when they were next to each other.

They wore the look of being in love pretty well. It was funny how second chances worked. Even though they married other people in the beginning, when fate intervened, these two were done for. What person would have enough strength to fight what you were fated for? I was sure my mom fought it at first, but in the end, she folded... just like the rest of us. We were, after all, just human.

I was truly overwhelmed with all these "new additions" in our lives. However, my mother was truly radiating a happy glow, and I, too, felt somewhat happy that she found someone to cherish her...

But—and yes, there was always a huge but—this didn't feel like home to me. Somehow, I felt like I was walking into someone else's life and I felt bereft. I was jet-lagged and the last thing I wanted was to unpack in a new bedroom that I didn't have any attachment to. Though the room was nice, overlooking the vast garden and swimming pool, it was still strange to me.

It was sad to think that the house I grew up in—my childhood home—was sold after my parents divorced. Mom and I had moved into a leased townhome, but we didn't stay there for that long for me to feel sentimental about the place.

Mom had done all of the moving while I was gone, so all of our things were in Brett's home when I got here. It was all too drastically fast and I needed a moment to breathe, to take it all in.

It was going to take a lot of time getting used to; however, I was willing to try for my mom. Besides, this was my senior year—my last year in high school—and no man was going to ruin it for me. Even if his name was Greyson Edwards.

Liam was probably expecting my call, so was my father, but I didn't feel like talking and explaining my odd situation to anyone. Not yet anyway. So, since it was a warm night, I decided to have a quick dip in the pool.

It was almost midnight, so instead of diving in head first, I had to resort to using the steps, careful not to disturb anyone.

My thoughts were occupied with emailing Liam or not as I approached the azure pool that was lightly illuminated. A soft moan escaped when my body sunk into the cool, refreshing water. I was smiling, floating as I stared at the twinkling stars when I heard the first _thump, thump_ sound.

"Harder, Grey!" a woman's voice demanded, coming from the pool house. Then the loud sound went erratic, jackhammer loud. "Shit!" the woman screamed.

What the hell! _Could they get any louder?_

Greyson was having sex and he didn't care if anyone was around to hear it. He simply did his own business just because he could. He was a total douchebag.

The last leg— _the finale_ —was even worse. I thought the woman was being cut open and gutted. I was cringing and gasping as she rode out her orgasm. I stared at the lightly lit pool house, seriously wondering if she was okay.

Five minutes later, I was still struck appalled and in deep shock. I watched, paralyzed, as Greyson and his latest girlfriend emerged from the door. He was escorting her out while she kept her hand glued to his ass.

The second they disappeared, I swam back to shallow water and stepped out of the pool. Deep in thought, I squeezed the water out of my hair, sighing. I was walking towards the table where I had left my towel when he spoke behind me. "Were we loud? Sorry. I didn't know we had an audience. If I did, I would've made a better show of it."

Funny, he didn't sound a bit sorry at all. "Don't bother," I gritted out, loathing his cockiness.

He laughed like he was being tickled.

_Fucker_. I rolled my eyes and continued ignoring him.

However, even with my indifference, the idiot remained.

"So, how was Australia? I heard that you slept your way around all summer long. I'm curious; do you prefer American or Aussie dicks? Or are they all the same? A dick is a dick, right?" I heard him snort, which angered me even more.

"Yes, they're all juicy, Grey."

"Mine is oozing, Liv. Keep that in mind, will ya? Might come handy to you if you need to get a workout done."

I spun around and glared at his grinning face. "Dream on, Greyson."

"Always, Liv." He started walking backwards, still facing me as he tapped his chest a few times. "Sweet dreams, Pooh."

_Pooh_. Winnie the Pooh had been my favorite... back in third grade, and apparently, Greyson remembered that little tidbit. I didn't need another reason to stay and banter with him. I left the pool area in a flash, needing to erase that mocking laugh that irritated me to no end.

That night, my dreams weren't sweet. In fact, they were nightmares of Winnie the Pooh.

The terror of the douchebaggery had begun.

## 2

# Grey

_P ooh_.

I hated Winnie the Pooh with a passion because of one person. Olivia.

_She looked so angelic coming out of the pool..._ like a beauty that never got old to look at. Every guy in school wanted her. I did, too, but I'd rather get hit by an eighteen-wheeler than admit that. Fuck that.

When it came to her, I got all hot and cold. _Literally_. My body's reaction to her added more to my contempt where she was concerned. I wanted her so bad that my body burned for hers. On the other hand, she was such a bitch that those burning feelings would freeze at a single word from her.

I knew she was beautiful. Hell, sometimes I got so awestruck that I forgot why I hated her to begin with. I remembered gasping when I first saw her in our third grade class.

She knew how she affected men, and she used that to her benefit. She toyed with men, parading them in front of me. The only thing I could be grateful for was that none of my guy friends took the chance on asking her out, nor did she seek them out, knowing how I'd react.

Everyone that went to school knew about our extreme dislike to each other.

Olivia Taylor...

Had been...

My first crush.

My first kiss.

My first love.

My first heartbreak.

Things fell apart during fourth grade and it hadn't stopped since. I remembered that the hate had started when I received her letter. It was how she broke up with me.

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_When I flush the toilet, I think of you._

To this day, I hated roses—or anything red or blue. The letter was, of course, burned with a match light in my backyard. Everything I felt for her then had gone to ashes.

It started little at first. A little teasing here and there, or a snide remark whenever she passed by, then it got to spitting showdowns. Summers without her here were pretty quiet.

Now my disruption was back, living in my own home. Wonder what kind of gimmick she'd ploy to rile me up.

I didn't have to do anything, not really. I knew for a fact that having me breathe the same air as her already made her furious. All I had to do was keep my smug, cocky, sexy smile in place and it was a surefire way to drive her crazy.

Easy.

The following morning, I was in the kitchen chugging a glass of orange juice when she strolled in, wearing tiny sleep shorts and a tiny, sleeveless shirt that showed off her flat stomach. Olivia gave the word _morning wood_ a new meaning. She was so hot that I almost spat out the juice, but instead, I choked on it, making me cough loudly.

"If you stopped checking me out, you could've saved yourself the woody." Olivia tsk-tsked me before grabbing an apple from the fruit basket and sexily biting into it.

Damn, but she was fine. I wished more than anything that she would turn ugly, yet damn, she only seemed to get better. My secret desire for her was raging right along with my morning issue; not from any romantic sense, but in a purely one-off, sexual conquest kind of way.

Saving face, I gave her a onceover and snorted, leaving her at that. Though women in skimpy bikinis might've surrounded me all afternoon long, Olivia's tight body was the only thing that got me going hard all day.

She was going to be trouble; I could just feel it in the air. The goosebumps that spread like wildfire all over my body weren't from the thought of her as trouble, but from the images of her sweet little body sweating for me.

## 3

# Liv

There was still a week left before school started, so I spent most of my time hanging out and catching up with my best girl, Josie; shopping, watching movies and exchanging romance novels that got our attention. Since we were in high school, sharing books was not only economical, but also quite fun. We hadn't gone ebooks yet, so we spent most of our afternoons sipping coffee in Barnes & Noble, hunting for the perfect book. She, too, was a major Mr. Darcy fan.

"So, let's get down to business," Josie muttered as we sat across each other on the carpeted floor, with her leaning against the historical romance book, while I had contemporary romance as my cushion for the next couple of hours. We did this a lot; hunt down for our next ultimate read. Sometimes, we got so consumed that we would end up reading most of the novels we picked, purchase it and then discuss it for the next week. If I had a book soul mate, her name was Josie Stephens.

Placing my thumb in-between pages, I eyed her with impatience, sighing. Interrupting mid-reading was just plainly rude. This was a rule for most bookwhores. She knew better than to get between me and my current paper romance. "What business would this be, hmm?"

Josie rolled her golden eyes at me. "Duh. It's been two days since you arrived from down under, Liv, and still you haven't said anything about what it's like having a hunky prime specimen, with the name of Greyson Edwards, living in the same house."

I sighed. Josie, though she wouldn't admit to it, had a serious fixation for Greyson. Her loyalty was admirable, not like Edith, who killed my trust by dating Grey—no scratch that—they were "friends with benefits", so she exchanged a quick roll in the sheets occasionally with a guy for our friendship since kindergarten. I supposed our friendship wasn't all that important to her since she easily threw it away when she got her first night with Greyson Edwards.

Carefully placing the book on the floor, I folded my arms underneath my breasts, ready to be interrogated, petulantly. "Grey is a douche to the highest order. This morning, I caught him staring at my ass. How's that for a start? Really, it's gross. I felt like his eyes were molesting me."

Josie, instead of being disgusted like I hoped she'd be, looked even more intrigued. "I tell ya, Liv. That guy is still holding out hope."

"I'm with Liam, thank you very much. Besides, Grey and his bad boy appeal don't really get my engine going."

She smirked. "Um, which planet are you from? You're such a liar. This one-time during lunch, I saw you stare at him all afternoon without his shirt on."

_One-time_. That incident only happened once and she was holding it against me! I was going through such a rough time, and Grey was there, throwing a football nonchalantly—sans shirt and all—and I sort of slipped out of my hate-campaign towards him.

"That was two years ago and you knew how messed up I was after that surprise algebra quiz." One thing I hated more than anything was Mathematics. Those darn numbers all looked muddled to me. Throw in the letters and I'm a hot mess.

Her dark knowing eyes glittered with amusement. "Do you ever wonder—?"

I had to cut her off. "No, Josie, I fucking don't. Not when he's the subject. So drop it."

She sighed, still grinning from ear to ear. "If you say so... but just remember this, I'll be the first person to say _I told you so_ , Olivia."

Ignoring her, I tried to read again, hoping I could get absorbed in the plot that got me interested before Josie interrupted me. But alas, my mind had been dominated by soft brown hair and deep blue eyes. _Damn her!_

When I got home, I was surprised to find out that Grey wasn't going to be home for the next few days. Apparently, he was going somewhere. Something like a last hurrah before school started again. Brett seemed to be okay with it. It made me wonder if his "easy" parenting only made Grey more of a notorious player—well, notorious at everything.

Greyson was known for not following rules. Period. Now looking at the easy going Brett, it made me wonder if he was okay with his son prancing about town with no care in the world, racing like a maniac around the canyons.

I even heard rumors last year that they went racing around that particular canyon where a massacre happened about a decade ago. It was a dead town, with no lights, with no service and nothing around you but darkness. Why the heck would you risk your life for that kind of sport anyway? It was dumb and, not to mention the obvious, stupid.

So when I went to bed that night, I wondered what it would be like to live in Grey's world. Josie, for one, was fascinated by it. I was more curious than fascinated, but would never want to be in it.

Men like Grey were not taken seriously. Liam, on the other hand, was more my type. Funny, hot, had fantastic manners, a man with an accent and, not to mention, smart. He was all I could ever want in a man.

Even though we were separated by continents and we weren't opposed to try to see if there were other fishes in the sea during our time apart, I knew he was the one for me.

One year was all I had before I went back to Sydney, study there and hopefully, permanently, make it my home. I had it all planned out. We loved each other. That was all that mattered.

## 4

# Grey

"Do you need me to give you a ride?" I asked the fresh looking Olivia, who just came downstairs, all made up for her first day of senior year. The question could be taken in all the ways she wanted. It wasn't hard to figure out that I wanted—had wanted for years—what everybody else got a taste of. She knew this, though no one was going to admit it out loud.

Laura, my father's girlfriend, who was the only woman around here that I got on with, served me a plate with pancakes before spinning around and greeting her only daughter. "Good morning, sweetkins. Pancakes, eggs and bacon?" she directed to Liv, who was trying her damnedest to avoid my gaze as she situated herself across me, nodding her reply.

Since dad was on his man throne, she didn't have that much choice when it came to seating without being so obvious.

"Josie's going to come and get me in ten, no worries." She gave me a saccharine smile before soaking her pancakes with maple syrup. She always had a sweet tooth; it was her weakness I once knew so well.

My father, Brett, reached across to pour her a glass of orange juice. "Grey won't mind. Right, son? It'll save Josie the hassle. We're technically all family."

"Uh uh," I mumbled. _Uhhh... family?_ Hold that shit. Olivia and I were in no way—I MEAN, no shitting me way—a family in my head. My imagination alone would get me in trouble. If they planned to marry—which I'm hoping they didn't—I would certainly oppose it one hundred percent. It wasn't about Laura, but definitely about Olivia. The thought of her as my stepsister killed my appetite. Hell. To. The. No.

Downing the rest of my orange juice, I gave a light shiver as my thoughts hounded about her as family. Seriously, I needed to get out of here. The woman in question was dressed to provoke more illicit thoughts from me, wearing some tight jeans that left nothing to any guy's imagination. Looking at her straight in the eye after what my father just said, would be beyond awkward.

After a quick discussion between the adults, and Olivia telling Josie that she'd be riding with me starting tomorrow, I dashed out of there in a flash.

Once I was outside, I pulled out my keys and opened my car door.

The only thing I allowed myself to buy with my maternal grandparents' money that I inherited as a part of my trust fund was my BMW M3 GT4, black on black. I raced as a hobby and it was the only thing that was an escape for me. So even if I wasn't into buying expensive items, I had to give in to this sweet ride.

The car was pricey, but my car was my haven. The faster they were, the better. There was nothing more exhilarating than shifting gears through the canyons. It was a dangerous sport, but one I thrived for. I craved the adrenaline rush, that feeling when you know your blood's humming through your veins, all set and ready to go... and the squeal of the tires, the smell of rubber and the sound of a hungry engine, was the only thing better than sex.

Sliding into my car, I sat there a moment and listened to the engine roar to life. I was frowning when I saw Olivia emerge from the front door, strutting my way before Josie's Honda came to view. Those two were best friends. Even though Olivia and I barely spoke a word to each other, Josie and I had a friendly camaraderie. I could see her now waving towards me before Olivia blocked her from my view as she hopped into her car. She gave a quick honk and I just nodded towards them.

I hated these moments, and I usually got them once in a blue moon, but I had always wondered what the fuck really happened with Olivia. At one point, she and I were so close. I supposed I shouldn't even be surprised. She was a bitch in the making then. After all, didn't they say the gorgeous ones were as shallow as they came? I would normally disagree, but when it came to Liv, I had to side with that saying.

After that little spitter-spatter incident in the kitchen, I had been avoiding her like a disease. You see, though I had been constantly thinking about her, I just couldn't give myself away. I did want her, bad, but that was where I was cutting the line. So I spent most of my time chilling with my boys, hittin' the sheets with Edith a couple of times before I finally came back home late at night. Even then, when I passed by outside her room—which overlooked the pool house—I looked up, wondering what she'd been up to.

I heard she was seeing a guy in Australia, but I wasn't sure if it was serious or not. From what everyone was saying, those two looked great together. She wasn't in my social media circle, but even if I could see tagged posts by friends of friends, I couldn't, for the life of me, look at it. I pinned it down to disgust that she was sleeping her way around town, but who knew if it was legit? I knew the entire football team wanted to nail her last year, and even a few bragged that they did, much to my... disgust.

I was no saint, but seriously, when it came to Olivia Taylor, I had double standard. Maybe because I despised her for so long. Maybe because she was my first kiss. Or maybe because she was my first love. Truthfully, there was no love left since she broke my little third grade heart, killing all of my good intentions then. Olivia taught me so many things, and one of them was the remarkable feeling of hate.

Shrugging, I removed any thoughts of her as I shifted the stick and drove off to school. My mind became a breeze when I went a little above the limit. Reckless driving wasn't a favorite of mine, however, this morning, I felt the sudden need for speed. I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't know what opted this immediate rush for my fix. It was her, living in my brain, coming to life in there and holding me hostage.

It would be shallow to say that I was transfixed by her angelic beauty. It was more than that. I knew it was. The moment always caught me the second she entered my world, and it seemed that each and every time I would become hypnotized by everything about her. Even her cattiness enthralled me, which was mind-boggling. I liked my women a tad saucy, yet submissive. Olivia, well, she was a force on her own. Maybe that's what it was, that she didn't care much about what I wanted and thought of her that really got my blood going.

Whatever it was, I knew the moment I got a taste of her again, our worlds were going to collide, combust and explode.

Without notice, I had already arrived to my destination. I wasn't even surprised that Edith was waiting for me in the parking lot. She and I really weren't an item, but you could just say that she saved herself for me, whenever, wherever I needed those times. I wasn't a commitment-phobe; however I didn't like the idea of dating one girl for months on end. Open relationships were more my thing. Life was one big party; why be a pooper and bust it with love and relationships? Ask my mother; she was a great role model.

Running a hand over my hair, my eyes scanned the parking lot. As always, Liv was around, talking and catching up with old friends. For a second, our eyes caught and then she had the nerve to roll her eyes at me before resuming her conversation.

"Ass," I muttered under my breath just as my eyes landed on her bottom. "Hole." _Way to go mess with my head so early in the morning, Olivia_.

Coming out of the car, Edith came bouncing in to greet me with a kiss on the lips. "Hey Grey, I've missed your hot ass." She grinned before reaching out to my behind and giving it a tight squeeze.

Great, she was one of those women who would easy mistake your hardness as if she was the one who had that kind of effect on me. Well, it wasn't like I was going to openly admit who caused me to be in this state. No fucking way. "Easy there, Edith. It's the first day of school. Wait until lunchtime to get frisky, will ya?"

When I looked up, I caught sight of Olivia giving me the evil eye before I saw her look away and start to walk with Josie towards the main hallway.

_Huh._ Olivia and her demeaning looks, nothing's changed in that forefront.

It was a difficult accomplishment, but I managed to pry my eyes away from her swaying hips. The woman could really strut, and it didn't help that each step she took emphasized her curves.

Sighing out loud, I told myself to get a grip.

As classes went, they were same old, same old; different class, different teacher, but same old outcome. Boredom. I wasn't lazy, per se, but I wasn't one who would go out of my way for extra credit. I had a good photographic memory, so I supposed this came in extra handy when it came to school and exams.

Tiffany, my other go-to sidekick besides Edith, was plastered on me when we join the rest of the crowd during lunchtime. My mood was decently okay, until I saw Olivia talking to Gavin, I almost lost my shit. Literally, I could feel the heat permeate out of my pores. What the fuck was Gavin doing? When he asked me yesterday about Olivia, I told him off, stating that she was fucking off limits. No man in my crew ever disrespected me like this—until now. They knew Liv and I had history, albeit it was puppy love, but still, to me that counted for something.

"The fuck's he doing," I hissed, making Tiffany look towards their direction.

"Gav's been trying to get her since last year. Since rumors are flying that she's moving to Australia after graduation, Gav's taking chances," Tiffany informed me as she nuzzled my neck. "Let's skip lunch and go for a ride," she purred close to my ear.

Yeah, that sounded like a very good idea right now. "Head over to my car. Meet you there in a sec," I replied before tapping her ass so she could get going. The sooner this was over, the better.

Once Tiffany left, I counted from one to ten before I strode over to their table. The second Josie saw me, she blatantly cleared her throat, warning them, but much to my dismay. When my eyes connected with Olivia's, hers turned cold, while mine turned hungry. I wanted her so bad, and so did the rest of the guys. The rest had a go with her, but not one of my crew. I would never fucking allow it.

"What the fuck's this shit, Gav? Thought we cleared this up yesterday?"

He looked downright pissed off. "Dude, come the fuck on. Liv just agreed for a date. So just chill, it's all good." Gavin glared at me, while I also saw Olivia giving me a look, _a look of challenge_.

My eyes flashed back, not backing down. "You're breaking codes here, bro. You know better than to fuck with me."

Gavin stood up, pulling his sleeves up. "Who gives a fuck about what happened in third grade! _We've all moved on!_ If you want to take this out somewhere, I'll be more than happy to take you there."

_The little shit._ He was getting more arrogant and cocky because Olivia was right there next to him. I knocked him out before and I could knock him out again. As codes went, a guy shouldn't fuck with ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, moms, sisters and all the relative chain 'cause that's just plain old dirty. Gavin was pissing on my territory and I didn't appreciate it—not a fucking bit.

"Tonight—" I sneered at him, but was cut off when Olivia stood up, taking me by surprise when she pushed on my chest and forcefully dragged me out of the cafeteria, leaving hush whispers in our wake.

I was all muscle, but for some reason, she easily dragged me with her. Was I becoming a pussy or what? I got my answer when she took me behind the cafeteria and somewhat slammed me against the cement wall, glaring down at me with stormy eyes.

"You need to stop!" she hissed inches from my face. "I don't care if we're sharing a house and I don't give a rat's ass about "bro codes"." She made air quotes, which in turn made my blood boil to the hilt. "If I want to date him, that's my business. If you're still so hung up about that stupid juvenile kiss we shared, go call a psychiatrist because from where I'm standing, it sounds like a fucking personal problem!"

Yes, Olivia Taylor was definitely getting personal and becoming more of a problem. She had balls to spit on my face after all this crap?

Growling, I switched our places, making her now the one trapped in between my hands and body. "You little slut. If you need to get laid, take it somewhere else, but never around my peers, you hear?"

"You're just jealous of Gavin and the rest of them because you can't have me, Grey," she spat back, fuming. "But guess what? You'll never fucking have me. Not fucking ever."

Demons were everywhere; one by one they fell, possessing us both. "I beg to differ." My eyes caught her heavy pants, making her breasts quiver. The silkiness of her skin glistened underneath the sunbeams and yes, temptation was rearing its ugly head, big time. "I know the art of seduction, and if I'm right with my calculations," I whispered against her neck, her breasts pushing up against my hard chest; it felt like sweet ecstasy, "you're probably pretty well irrigated and lubed up for my taking." Closing my eyes, I smelled her for the first time in years. And fuck, she smelled like fresh blooms, sunshine and happiness. Something coiled deep within me, driving the hunger to take over and possess her, even just for a short time. All I wanted was another taste. "I could take you here and no one would know." And damn, I wanted to take her rough against this cemented wall, while I kissed her senseless.

She tensed, frozen. "You wouldn't dare. I'm going to tell my mom that you forced yourself on me."

_That_ made me snap my eyes open. Blinking rapidly, I pulled myself off her body, staring at her with mixed emotions. Everything just came into perspective. She was leaving in less than a year. She and I were nothing to each other. Besides, I respected Laura too much to mess with her little girl—even if the girl in question had the capacity to fuck my head like no other woman could.

Why was I messing with her anyway? If I wanted a woman, I had so many to choose from. No, Olivia Taylor was my past and she should remain there—a memory. Flashbacks of the younger versions of us in that closet ran through my mind before I placed a lid on it, hoping it would remain shut and buried deep within.

"You're right. Gavin's a good guy. He'll treat you good," I whispered, prying my eyes away from her lips. It was a difficult feat, but I was done lusting after someone I couldn't have. After all, she was off limits. "I'll see you around." Without giving her a glance, I walked away, feeling more jumbled than before. What just happened literally put me off kilter. That was the closest I had ever been to her in years and yet, somehow sadness seeped into my system.

She was bad news, and I needed to get away from her as soon as possible.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Tiffany leaning against my passenger side door in the parking lot, looking like she was ready for a good spin. "Where are we heading, Grey?" She smiled coyly when I unlocked the car and opened the door for her to slide in.

Pool house. I needed to vent. Big time. "No more talking, Tiff," I said the second I slid into my seat before giving her a steady gaze. "Next time you open your mouth, I want to hear screams. Got it?"

She beamed, nodding.

## 5

# Liv

"Is it weird that you're living with Grey? God, you're so lucky!" Shana gushed the second she saw me come out of the back building. She didn't even bother asking what the heck I was doing in there, she just kept on going.

Zoning her out, the only thing that was pounding in my blood, my body and my mind was one of the same, Grey. What the fuck just happened back there? Did he almost kiss me? The thought of him doing that made me lose my breath. Grey and I were never anything.

Why was he adamant that I stayed away from his "peers"? I liked Gavin. He was attractive and quite funny in his own way. Since Liam and I were testing the waters—just so we could say that we tried, but were meant to be in the end anyway—Gavin was a great safe bet for me.

But Greyson... he was a wildcard. A gamble that I didn't want to be a part of. Edith and Tiffany were his standby ladies, or his lady entourage, and I had no desire in being the third in line, or better yet, the long line of women who wanted to be in his possy.

After that encounter with him that Friday night, I hadn't seen him since—well, except this morning. He was out partying and getting laid all weekend long, so what gave him the right to mess with my love life?

"He's sleeping with the mayor's daughter. She's a sophomore in USC, but Grey managed to bag her anyway." Shana finally got my attention.

It seemed that Grey was still the popular stud around here. Nothing new was there? "I gotta go and meet Josie back in the cafeteria. I'll see you around." With a small smile, I trotted towards where Josie was still waiting for me with small note in hand.

"What's that?" I pointed towards the folded paper.

She fanned herself with it, giving me puppy doll eyes. "Must be tough to be in demand huh?" She dramatically sighed. "Grey wants you. Gavin wants you. Liam loves you..." she trailed off, giving that dramatic sigh another go. "I'm not giving you this note from Gavin until you answer one question. And I mean, I want you to be dead honest with me. We are best friends after all, and since I have that under my sleeve, I believe it's my right to know what's been going on between you and Grey."

Nothing much... but to make this short, and well, _honest_ , I could try. "He wants to bag me."

"Obviously. But what's with the macho growls? I swear Grey's my hero," she said dreamily.

Oh, for Pete's sake! _Seriously?_ "You can have him; I won't care."

She snorted, handing me the note, which I immediately shoved in my right pocket. "We both know you would. But I respect sister codes and all, so you're good with me."

_Unlike Edith_ , I wanted to retort back, but bit my tongue instead. "Let's get to class. I'm done talking about anything that involves him." Yes, I was done talking, but that didn't mean I could stop thinking about it.

For the remainder of the school day, I was rehashing what went down behind the cafeteria. I thought of him... saying those sexual words to me, It sent a bazillion electrifying jolts all over my body. Yes, my entire system—physical, mental and emotional—all centered and saluted to him and yet, I hated him with a passion.

It was hard to deny the kind of reaction my body had when he was whispering those explicit words to me. Liam would never, ever talk to me like that and I wasn't a prude, but heck, those words got me hot and bothered though I wouldn't care to admit it.

Even though my body was just as he described it, _irrigated_ and all, I wasn't going to be one of his women to fuck and throw away. It didn't matter that he was, yes, might be the sexiest guy I'd ever laid my eyes upon... but I wasn't going to give in. I could just imagine the catastrophic emotional and, not to mention, mental turmoil I'd dive into. My future was set, planned and it glittered brightly right before me.

Men like Grey weren't all that worth it to throw away a decently looking future for a quick wham in the sheets.

So his opinion of Gavin was irrelevant. With or without his shady permission, I was going to go ahead and go on a date with Gavin. Now, that was something to look forward to.

## 6

# Grey

"God, Grey! You're a motherfucking beast," Tiffany exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear. "Beast. Beast. The motherfucking beast."

Looking away, I wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand, feeling spent and relieved somehow. It had never happened to me before, and damn I felt like an insensitive jerk for making it happen, but Olivia hadn't left my thoughts. Not even after I drove off from school heading home. Not even while I was working into Tiffany. Maybe the beast remark was fitting because I did take her like one, and maybe because what I was thinking while I was inside her was disrespectful.

I loved all women, in all shapes and sizes, and not one—never—did I engage into sexual activities without giving them one hundred percent of my attention... until now—well, if I didn't count that drunken night last weekend where I called this one girl Olivia. It was the morning after I saw her in the pool, and I was just craving her so badly; I was in great amount of pain. Apart from those two instances, I had always been an attentive lover. _Always._

"Do we have to head back to school? I kinda like being here," Tiffany murmured while stretching her naked torso right before me.

Well... it wasn't like I wanted to head back to class, anyway. Especially not after that close encounter earlier. "You're right; we can work on our skills here, Tiff. You up for some riding lessons? Reverse cowgirl style?"

"Anything for you, Grey."

This was how I rolled... and no barbed comments from Olivia would make me feel incompetent.

For that entire evening, I avoided any possibility of running into her. If my dad's wish would have it, she was going to start riding with me to school. He wanted to make Laura and Olivia happy here, so I supposed since I was his only child, I was obligated to accommodate Olivia as well.

So when morning came, I went inside to greet Brett and Laura for breakfast.

"Olivia's still getting ready, honey." Laura stood up, while she was in the middle of her meal, just to get me a glass of juice. Small things like these, made me wish that my mother was this kind of attentive. Laura was motherly, while my own was never one, not by a long shot.

I gave her small thanks and gulped down the entire glass in one go. Taking a piece of buttered toast, I told them that I'll wait for Olivia in my car. Laura even gave me her phone number just in case I needed to reach her in school. She trusted me with her own daughter. Even with my callous reputation, I felt like a heel, just right then and there, after how I treated Olivia lately.

I felt bad, but that didn't mean I was going to stop being a jackass to her. Olivia was catty and each time we were around each other, her claws always managed to scratch me the wrong way.

The moment I was inside my car, I texted her.

_Come out when you're ready - Grey_

Even after the extra nice workout Tiffany did for me, I was now more tensed than yesterday.

Five minutes later, I saw her come out the door from the rearview mirror, strutting towards my car with sexy purpose. The little warmth I felt from seeing her at first glance this morning evaporated the second she opened the door and slid into it.

"You know, next time tell your women to lower down their screams. It's getting on my nerves. It doesn't matter if your dad is on the other side of the house. You're just being rude!"

Nice. No "good morning" whatsoever. She was just ready to go and rumble away.

"Okay," I responded, not glancing at her. The next time I had to get my groove on, I might just have to take it elsewhere.

My senses were so aware of her that I had to shift in my seat before starting the car. I took my time scrolling through my playlist to zone her out and when I found a song, she grumbled a sigh. I wasn't sure if she was into The Killers, but she'd have to go with my taste I supposed. Now I was ready to start my day. Shifting gears, I concentrated on driving.

Silently, I was singing along in my mind, but when the music started to lower down, I bit back a growl because Olivia had other things in mind. I wanted to pump the volume up to piss her off. Instead, I remained glued to the road, quietly shouting expletives words because I vowed to remain mum. If I could help it.

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday," she started. From my peripheral view, I could see her stare at me for a minute, waiting on me to say something.

Alas, I was sticking to my guns.

"I see. You're ignoring me." She released a stressed sigh, still looking at me. And just my luck, the stop light just turned red, so I had to simmer under the heat of her stare for a good minute or so until I could concentrate on driving again, rather than getting all hyperaware of this beautiful smelling creature right next to me.

Still staring me down, she continued on, "If your motives yesterday were because you were protecting your friend, I want to assure you that I'm not going to be dating anyone seriously. Gavin knows this, too. My goal is to get through this school year so I can go back to be with Liam. I just want to have fun, nothing more."

Liam again. If she was so crazy about him and couldn't wait to be with him, then why the hell was she willing to date other men? _Whatever._ She could date whomever she wanted. Heck, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash if she decided to date all the sport teams in our school. Well, maybe she already did.

"I just thought I should get it out there, you know." She glanced at me. "'Kay, I'm done talking now. Thanks for listening, even if I forced you to. We can resume hating each other now."

Why was she explaining herself anyway? It wasn't like I had to know. Our silent bizarre battle was of no importance. I lived in the pool house, so we didn't have to interact, except for these quick rides in the morning 'cause she rides back with Josie. I didn't have to see her at all. I had succeeded in pretending that she didn't exist for the nearly a decade, I could still keep on pretending.

I wasn't even surprised when she immediately darted out of the car the second I hit the break in the parking lot. So, for the next few days, we shared the ride going to school, without a word to each other. It was easier that way.

When Friday night rolled in, and both Brett and Laura were spending their weekend in Vegas, I decided it was time to throw my version of Homecoming party, Luau style.

Since the entire senior class was blasted with invites on Facebook, I didn't find it necessary to mention it to Liv. After all, we were on no-speaking terms.

## 7

# Liv

Greyson Edwards was the most loathsome, despicable, self-centered prick known to mankind!

After that cafeteria encounter, he had done nothing but ignore me—literally to the point where he never even looked in my direction anymore. It was as if I was not there. He didn't acknowledge me when I got into his car; he didn't utter a damn fucking word, and just pretended that I was non-existent.

Each day that had gone past, the more aggravated I became. I tried to play nice—took a chance at my own way of explaining—even if I knew what the reason behind this whole argument...

Each night, I would look over to the pool house from my window and wondered where he'd gone. He would come home at two in the morning—and yes, I did notice that for some reason. I'd wake up just in time for him to go inside the pool house. I knew he just came from another woman's house. It was disappointing to see how he was just being the dickwad that he was.

Nor did it help my hate campaign that he radiated sin at every angle. With gravitating hazel eyes, exuding confidence with gesture—be it his smile, the way he pressed his lips together or bit them, the way he talked with that deep timber that seemed to travel deep into my core, or the way his eyes just pulled you in... with cocky curiosity and with a predatory gleam. No woman—young or old—could ever seem to look away. He was mesmerizing to look at, plain and simple. He was that jackass that everyone adored, all but excluding me, of course. And yet, Greyson still remained an enigma to me.

It was my last class of the day and all everyone could talk about was the damn party Grey was throwing tonight. When Josie asked me what I wanted to wear tonight during lunchtime, I merely shrugged because I wasn't even sure if I was invited. We shared a house, but that didn't mean I was welcome to his own party. So when she dropped me off afterwards, it didn't even surprise me that she already had plans for this evening.

"Okay, so I'll be swinging by say ten-ish? I don't want to be too early to the party. Besides, I want to make a grand entrance."

"Enjoy the party. I'm going out with Gavin tonight."

She smiled before blowing kisses. "You better give me all the juicy details later. I'll see you tonight, even if you're not going to join the party, I know my way to your bedroom, so we cool."

Of course she did. "Yes and yes. See you." I waved her off. I was just entering the door when my phone started ringing. Grinning, I picked up. "Great of you to remember me."

Liam chuckled on the other line. "You're always in my thoughts, never fear of that." He paused. "So, tonight's the night, yeah?"

He was referring to Gavin. Hearing his cool, sexy accent gave me a heady dose of nostalgia. God, how I missed him! He went on his date yesterday, but I didn't want to know what the heck happened 'cause I didn't think I could handle it. If it were up to me, I didn't want this whole "let's test the waters" shenanigans, but I had to think like an adult, and, at our age, it was the most reasonable solution. We didn't want to ruin what we had with cheating, so if our connection was that strong, we'd survive it.

"Tonight's the night," I repeated as I strolled towards the kitchen, in need of refreshment.

"You got the pepper spray I told you to get?"

Goodness, I already have a father... "Yeeesss, Liam."

"Sorry. I'm just—I just want you to be safe..." he dragged on. "Last night—"

_Didn't want to hear, thank you._ "Let's not go there, please," I interrupted him.

"Fuck," he exhaled. "All right."

"Thank you," I murmured, staring at the granite counterpane, wondering how his night went. If he went further than wine and dine... well, I couldn't handle it.

"Liv..." he whispered, wretchedly.

I swallowed, aching from his tone of voice. "Yeah?"

"I love you," he said succulently. "Very much."

Tears were starting to form in my eyes when something made me look up. For the first time, my gaze locked into his hazel ones, drowning me in them. Without breaking eye contact with him, I responded to Liam, "I love you, too. I'll speak to you soon." I hung up, looking away while Grey remained frozen a few feet away. My emotions were all over the place, from Liam's call, Greyson and now I had to get ready for my date with Gavin.

Talking to Liam every other day wasn't working out. Maybe emails would suffice for the time being. It would save us both the pain and, not to mention, much easier for the both of us.

"Do you need me to help you with anything for your party tonight? I have an hour to spare before I get ready to go out with Gavin," I offered, shyly glancing at him.

For some reason, he looked like he was staring at my neck... which in turn, only made me hyper conscious of everything I did. Tiger. He had eyes like a tiger. When he lifted those eyes to meet mine, I felt bereft. Scared and petrified... _electrified_.

"There's no one around. There's no need to be polite," he rasped out, eyes intense, body on defense.

_Douche to the highest order! I was trying to be nice!_ "Want me to be a bitch? Okay. You have it!" My pent-up emotions from the past few days and this recent call from Liam had me going. "You're nothing, but—"

" _What?_ " he threw out. " _I'm exactly what, Olivia?_ " He looked fierce, wild even, as he came closer, a mere foot away. "That I'm a worthless waste of space? A dick machine with no future going for me? _A bastard?_"

Okay, fuck... he heard me say those things about him. When I said that he was a bastard, I meant that he was a douche—not meaning it in a literal sense, but I guess explaining that to him would be pointless now.

He taunted, nostrils flaring. "Have nothing to say, have you? Where'd the bitchy Olivia go?" he pressed on, grating.

Staring into his eyes was such a dumb, wrong move. I was tongue-tied, parched and exhilarated all at once. Oh God, he looked livid and yet, all I could see was how captivating he was. My quick-witted brain had nothing to quip back.

"Grey," I managed to say, but had no clue what to say next. Maybe _sorry_ would do? He wouldn't take it though, no, especially after years of shitting on each other. It was too late for words, for anything really.

"Knock, knock."

We both glanced at the intruder in that a second. Edith, with her three inch heels, skimpy skirt and bikini top trotted towards Grey, grasped his face with her red lacquered nails and kissed him, full on the lips, tongue and all, while I stood there staring speechless at the audacity of this bitch. Eyes wide as saucers, I watched as they both kissed while Grey kept his eyes glued to me, taking in my reaction. When their kiss deepened, I snapped out of my trance and immediately ran upstairs to my bedroom.

My body shook with rage. With anger that wanted to cause pain. With endless loathing. And with jealousy...

Grey meant nothing to me and yet, for some strange reason, I was jealous. Maybe it was just all the tension and stress from it all that I might be imagining it... yeah, that was probably it.

Holding myself together, I pushed the thoughts of Grey and Liam out of my mind and focused on getting ready for tonight.

No matter what happened, I was going to have fun. All men be damned.

## 8

# Grey

"You better not do anything stupid with Tiffany, Grey. Tonight's mine."

Claws, I hated it when these things were latched on me. "I get to decide that, Edith. If you're not happy with it, you know where to go."

"You're crazy. I've been in love with you for like my whole life, I'm not going anywhere."

She always told me she loved me. It had never bothered me before, but now, it somehow did. You see, Edith was the first person to tell me that they loved me, and even if I didn't reciprocate her feelings, it was nice to know that at least one human being did.

Jet, my main man, just handed me a cold ice beer, smirking. "I love you, too, Grey," he said it in a mocking way.

_Idiot_. I grinned. He was my wingman for a damn reason. "Nice to know, man. Fucking nice to know." I took a lengthy sip, halfway through the bottle as the party was just getting started.

So far, I'd spent the entire night, watching until her bedroom lights were turned off, letting me know that she already left for her date with Gavin. That was three hours ago.

When I walked in on her talking to someone, I didn't realize who she was talking to until she said those words to Liam. It was right then that I realized that she actually did have a heart, and that she was capable of loving someone. Which was truly surprising.

So after that interesting encounter we had earlier, I was on the edge about her date with Gavin. I knew they'd be back here afterwards, that was why my eyes kept directing back to the new flood of newcomers just in case it was them who came in. I might have vowed that I would no longer interact with her, but I could still watch her from afar.

Old habits die hard, and it was one habit that was too hard to break.

The party was thumping an hour later. The backyard, inside the house and pool were jammed pack with people from our school, El Camino Real, and from other neighboring schools, Calabasas and Sherman Oaks.

One beer down and a few more dozen to go.

Keeping still in one place wasn't all that fun, so I bounced about in places. From my pool house who had people playing poker, to the main house where the DJ was situated, people playing volleyball in the pool or with the bunch of people who had lit a small fire pit that was close to the garden. Circulating not only forced me to be a social host, but it also made me scout about to see if Gavin and Liv arrived without my knowledge.

With alcohol in my system, one could only imagine where my thoughts led me to... _Gavin with his hands all over her..._

Then, out of the blue, the idea of them getting it hot and heavy upstairs in her bedroom stopped me short. I stood directly just right below it and, when I glanced upwards, the room remained dark, just as she left it. However, my mind was telling me to go check it out anyway.

I gripped my forehead with irritation because I clearly was losing my shit. Second, why even bother? Third, why was I still walking towards the main house? I was angry with myself for even caring what went on, but for the life of me, I just couldn't fathom why I cared so much in the first place. Olivia Taylor was a bitch. Case in point. But—and there was always a _but_ where she was concerned... always—the answer after the word but was still hanging in the air. Even after a decade later.

I was weaving my way in the living room when I saw them dancing—no, more like grinding against each other. That stopped me dead, hot and cold, in my tracks. _So the date had gone well._ _Too well_ from where I was watching.

Was I surprised that it did? Not really, but seeing them like this, intimate, made me want to lash out somehow. When Olivia kept biting her lip each time Gavin whispered into her ear, my throat started to constrict and I could barely breathe. She laughed freely as her hair bounced about, looking more enchanting by the second.

Her little suggestive smiles and Gavin's look of satisfaction were all I could see. The people around me became irrelevant. It became like a house of mirrors in a circus on Halloween night.

Bunching my hand, I forced myself to move out of the main house and seek fresh air. My nostrils barely flared to breathe in the air when Tiffany pulled me out of my funk and started yapping about playing a game of chicken. Basically, a woman gets on top of the guy's shoulders and fights another team, two versus two.

Normally, I participated in these games when I was pissed drunk, but tonight, even though I was sober, I agreed to play. Anything to get me out of this torture in my head because it was starting to give me a headache and, for the life of me, Olivia's little shy, flirty smiles were all I could think of.

Since I was already donning my board shorts, I only had to take off my shirt before I jumped into the pool with the rest of the gang. Edith was on the side of the pool, sitting and glaring as her foot played with the water. She was jealous that I was going to be paired with Tiffany, but those two knew the rules, so I barely gave her a nod before Tiffany hopped on my back and hugged the breath out of me.

"Can you double check if I tied my bikini-top well? I don't want my goods falling out of place." She was biting my earlobe before she handed me her glass of Adios MF drink.

Holding the glowy blue drink in my hand, I lifted her long strawberry blonde hair just to check if they were all secured. "Looks good to me." I grinned before I took the rest of her drink.

_Tiffany._

_The pool fight._

_Have fun._

I chanted those words in my head, hoping that the flashes of the sultry way the woman inside the house looked earlier would be erased from my memory.

I let out a burring sound after I felt the needle-like burn of the loaded alcohol in my system.

Tiffany plunged her mouth into mine, kissing me with no disregard, tongue whipping, moaning and the lot as she latched her skimpy-clad body onto mine. Tiff loved PDA, so I was used to her touchy outburst of energy.

"You're my champion, Grey," she murmured, glassy-eyed with stars in her eyes.

Moments such as this one, I was always rendered speechless. Angry and heated emotions I could spar with, but sticky sweet inferno, I ran away from. I supposed I could thank Edith for saving my ass on this one, because she jumped into the pool and swam towards us, breaking us apart.

"Jesus, Tiff. Get a grip!"

Edith... I could always count on with these things.

"Fucking come the fuck on, ladies! Greyson Edwards ain't going anywhere! Let's play some games. I need some titties in bouncing action!" Jet bellowed from the other side of the volleyball net. "Edith, hop on me, babe. We could knock them out. Trust me, you'd feel like a champion." He tapped his shoulders before winking at her.

Jet was an idiot. A good idiot. He knew that Edith was getting too clingy and was only looking out for me. So, when two pairs go bout to bout when the whistle blew, and with Edith and Tiffany against each other, well, you could just say that whatever pent-up anger these two had with each other, they channeled it in this fight.

When Tiffany won, my team, Edith was left with a lot of energy to be spent. We barely just finished and she was already onto something.

"Olivia and Gavin, I challenge you both," Edith called out, flashing those green eyes somewhere.

When I finally checked behind me, her silver blue eyes clashed with mine. She changed from her little skirt and fitted top to a black matching bikini, emphasizing those accents of hers.

My eyes darkened when I saw Gavin whisper into her ear and I saw her nod, accepting Edith's challenge. "Sure."

Tiffany excused herself to get another drink, while I weaved towards the end of the pool, passing couples who looked like they were getting hot and heavy in the deeper end of the pool area.

Ignoring the moans and heavy panting, I was wondering why the hell I went all the way over here instead of getting out of the water and drowning myself in more alcohol. My body was buzzing with the feel-good inducement, but watching Liv and Gavin interact, sobered me up completely. When she got on his shoulders, an angry growl emanated from me. My moment of tension got disrupted when a bunch of kids from another school came in and joined the fun, but this time, some idiot requested to take out the net, making the fight more fun, or so they claimed.

The only thing I thought this whole time, watching this whole game play out before me, was how crazy this whole thing was. This wasn't for "fun" anymore. It seemed that the different school rivalry also became a big issue here.

I saw Edith try to push and kick Olivia off Gavin's shoulders with a quick, hard, drastic push. Olivia didn't stand a chance. My breathing ceased as I watched her fall into the water. By then, everyone thought it was a great idea to just jump in and join the fun, so Gavin was oblivious that. Yes, the woman who climbed on top of him wasn't Olivia, but some random chick who didn't have a top on.

My eyes scanned where Olivia landed, but the woman hadn't surfaced yet. Erratically, I started to swim towards them when I saw her emerge on the other end, barely hanging onto the edge, coughing like she had tuberculosis. I came to her rescue. Even though I somewhat hated her, I couldn't fathom watching her this way. Spitfire Olivia I could handle, but her in a fragile state, I simply couldn't walk away.

Once I reached her, I automatically wrapped my arms around her stomach, making her tense before I pulled her to the other side, with less commotion and drunken people.

"I got you," I whispered, pedaling away as I pulled her to the other side. She weighed nothing against my arms. Feather light. Even drenched in chlorine, I could smell her sweet scent. She was intoxicating.

When I felt the cold wall against my back, I spun her around, resting her against the tiled pool wall, while my eyes were busy scanning her delicate face, needing to see if she had any cuts or if she got hurt in any way.

My hands were all over her soft, silky face; above, on the sides and underneath her chin, scanning for a scratch or any abrasion. "You okay?" I murmured, looking at her with concern. My face was so close to hers that I somehow felt like it was just the two of us here. Even though it was dark with only a few slashes of luminescent lighting from the trees, it was enough to see her clearly. She looked more beautiful this close up with her eyes dilated and flushed—simply breathtaking.

She looked rattled with a touch of curiosity, looking like she didn't know what to do and yet, she kept staring at me, as if she didn't understand what I was asking her. When I saw her lip quiver, I used my forefinger to lift her chin up towards me, making her look straight into my eyes.

" _You okay?_ " I repeated again, my face moving another inch, needing to read her eyes. She was so close, I could kiss her. Even if the urge was strong, I wanted her to want me, to chase me, to come after me like how I did back then.

Her eyes flickered back and forth, unsure. Eye-to-eye, we silently spoke to each other. She looked fragile and yet strong. I could feel her submit and yet withdrawal at the same time. It was exhilarating and mind-bending to feel this kind of palpable connection to someone I despised. Our eyes battled what we couldn't communicate through our voices before she finally gave me a small nod, cutting whatever it was we were in trance with.

"Let's get you out of the water to dry." Game time was over.

Taking hold of her elbow, Olivia let out a small yelp, cussing like a sailor when I saw that she had a cut. It wasn't big or anything, but it was enough to make me aggravated.

"Come on." My hand reached behind her back to guide her out of the water when people, including Gavin and Edith, came towards us with curiosity.

_Oh, now they noticed_ , I thought with irritation. It took Gavin long enough.

"I'll take care of her, Grey," Gavin intercepted, already slightly pulling her towards him.

The cocky bastard wanted to play the hero now? "If you took good care of her, she wouldn't have a cut in the fucking first place. Move the fuck out of my way!" I fumed as I gathered Olivia in my arms, carrying her as they watched like I had lost my mind. Well, maybe I did.

"Put me down!" she hissed through gritted teeth as I climbed the pool stairs and then walked towards the back entrance of the house to avoid other guests. "Grey! Put me the fuck down!" She tried twice to maneuver out of my arms, but I wasn't letting go.

Why was she angry anyway? I wanted to help, was all.

My nose flared at her audacity to be angry, but I remained silent until we reached her room. With one hand, I opened her bedroom door. Walking directly towards her bathroom, I switched the light on before I cleared whatever cosmetic paraphernalia she had on the counter with a quick swipe of my hand. Placing her on the marbled bathroom counter, I was about to move away when she tried to get off from her position.

" _Don't even think of moving, Olivia_. Sit still."

"I'm fine! You're over-reacting."

Shaking my head, I reached for the medicine cabinet that was conveniently located on the sidewall and took out the First Aid kit. "Are you hurt anywhere else?" I asked as I ripped the ointment foil, squeezing the little tube out on my middle finger before applying the gel on her red, swollen, scratched elbow, before covering it up.

When she didn't reply, I searched her face. She was wearing a weird expression, eyes dilated as she looked at me silently. I was a man, so when I saw these signs, my eyes dropped to her bikini-covered breasts, finding the outline of her nipples aroused.

My mouth watered. Literally, I felt saliva gather in my mouth at the thought of sucking one of those rosebuds. I wanted to pounce on her, but I was adamant that she make the first move. She already rejected me enough; any more would blow my gasket.

"Grey... about earlier..." She licked her lips, making me zero in on their cherry color. "The whole bastard thing... it wasn't like that. I never meant it like that," she whispered, while I was mesmerized at her heaving chest, something about her voice made me look into her eyes... and I simply felt lost... in her. "You have to understand that I would never call you that literally. It was more of your attitude towards me that made me call you that word."

_Olivia,_ _I've wanted you for so long..._

"I'm sorry," she finished.

While she was saying her piece, I was conflicted because I wanted to devour her, but she would scream murder if I did. Even if I knew she felt this connection with me, she wouldn't act on it. She was sorry for calling me a bastard... What about what happened before? The one that mattered most? I knew I was young, but I knew I meant everything I said to her then.

Pulling away from her gaze, my eyes dropped, burning into her lips. My cravings were hell, however when my addiction was right in front of me, the high of thinking that I could get a taste of it was too much. That was the saddest thing... I never really kissed her. No. Not really. Third grade Spin the Bottle kiss didn't count.

It was idiotic, but I couldn't help it. I had to lean forward—a fraction—somewhat aiming for her lips, but not. It was a test to see if she would let me be this close... and when she tensed and then turned her face to the side, I got my answer. Same as always.

Holding myself with every ounce of restraint, I pulled away and went straight to the shower area, turning the dial to hot temperature. Without looking directly at her—more like staring at her neck—I started to speak. "Have a hot shower in case you got hurt anywhere else. Your muscles won't be as sore tomorrow." I started walking out of the bathroom door.

"Grey?"

I paused with my back to her, hands in my pocket. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I nodded. It was bittersweet. She was starting to become less bitchy, but we both remained in the same position.

Wanting her would always be _my_ problem. Hating was much safer than craving her to distraction. It was true what they say... we always want what we couldn't have.

While she was showering, I made sure she had two tablets of pain relievers on her side table and a bottle of water next to it. Even if the only thing I wanted was to stay in her room and watch her sleep, I knew better. Best to get my life moving the way it had always gone—with no Olivia in it.

Tonight, neither Tiffany nor Edith would share my bed. I needed a new person. A woman I had no connection to. Someone I could easily forget after one night.

Someone nameless.

Someone I could call whatever I liked.

## 9

# Liv

_L ast night... _left me wanting. Deprived of what I could have tasted had I not twisted my head to the side and avoided whatever Grey wanted from me.

He was aiming for a kiss... but with Grey, I knew the guy didn't end with kisses. I'd heard enough gossip to know how he ended it, with your mind left into mush.

And as much as I was attracted to him physically, it didn't change the fact that he was Edith's. Sort of.

What he did last night, making sure that I was okay, was a side of him that I hadn't seen. It melted my heart... and my resolve. No matter how much I wished I could cement everything back to how they were, it was obvious that things were changing... fast. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. This charged feeling I got whenever he was around left me confused, wanting and angry because my body was reacting to him. And I didn't want to want him. It would wound my pride. Reasonable women shouldn't want men like him. I wasn't going to be one of his starry-eyed, bubbling from over excitement to the point of overkill, moronic throng of women.

Before, it was easier to ignore it because he was always in a distance, but now, interacting with him on a daily basis was too much to handle. The temperature was boiling and it was only in a matter of time until we would give in and let loose of all the heated, scalding need that'd been simmering on the surface. At times, I let myself think where it could lead to—what it would feel like to be in his arms—but at the same time, I think of Edith and how she's owned him for so long. I felt like an intruder. Then again, I was also considering the fact that maybe I was just sexually frustrated from not having Liam here with me that I was even fancying illicit thoughts towards Greyson Edwards. This never happened before.

When I thought of him, it was always of hate, loath and disgust. Want and yearning were never associated with him. Never.

The lists of reasons were vast, yet my body had its own agenda and I hoped to God that this wouldn't lead me astray from my pride and beliefs.

So yes, it was understandable that I was pissed off with the situation I was given. Who could blame mom, though? She wanted her Darcy. And as for me... mine was waiting in Australia; sexy accent and all.

All I had to do was hang tight, keep still and not do a foolish thing. How hard could that be? I was sure there were tons of women who had resisted Grey before... I mean, I did it when we were in middle school, but I supposed that didn't count—his sex appeal had quadrupled since then. However, I was a confident woman who had a good sensible head on her shoulders, so yes, I could easily tackle this. Right?

_Uh uh_ , my mind retorted back with mocking annoyance. I would never forgive myself if I gave in to him. I would ruin my future that I had carefully thought and planned out. Liam was my future. I shouldn't forget that. Not even for a guy who had the most tantalizing tiger eyes.

I was still in bed, not willing to move as I went through my emails. When I was just starting to write one to Liam, Josie barged in with coffee and blueberry bagels.

"Sorry about last night. I couldn't make it." She gave me an easy smile before placing the mouthwatering items on my side table. "Heard you had quite the rumble."

Ugh, fucking Edith, where did I begin with her? That girl seriously had some major issues to plow through. "To this day, I don't get why she hates me. It should be the other way around, me hating her for being such a slut, but no, no, no. She just has to be a bitch about everything."

"Seriously, it's not like you lost your virginity to your friend's love of her life, right?" she smirked at me before pulling out a delicious bagel and took a large bite. "This house is trashed by the way. And for some reason, this section of the house—I had no idea that it could be sectioned off—I couldn't go past here without Grey's permission."

Sectioned off? Like... "Locked in?" I whispered, half-sitting and now very awake.

She nodded before licking the cream cheese off her lips. "Yep. Some creeper tried to come in here last night. Thank goodness this house was built with good security. This was supposed to be the nursery section or something and the divider's supposed to keep the noise out."

No wonder I slept well. Even with the ongoing noise from the backyard, it was barely noticeable. The idiot made sure I slept well. It was nice, but... "What if there was fire and he was passed out drunk, what then? I'd be charbroiled by now because I fucking couldn't escape." These damn large homes and their weird shit... though what Grey did touched me. Not admitting that in front of Josie, though.

"You and Gavin. Spill."

Our date was fun. Different. "He's not all that bad. Although..." I lingered, needing to fine the right words to describe how I felt about him because all I could think about right this moment was that intimate encounter I had with Grey in the bathroom. Those tiger eyes were lethal.

"He's no Liam, right?" She took a sip of the coffee then handed it to me. "Liam's filet mignon and Gavin's like beefsteak."

I snorted, shaking my head. This woman loved to compare food with men. "Something like that, yeah." Cradling the cup in my hand, I eyed her. "What happened to you last night?"

"Brandon came by."

Her weakness with legs. "Damn it, Josie! You said you wouldn't. He's not going to change. The man fucking cheated on you with his ex. Several times."

She flinched. Her sunny aura just took a dim, looking conflicted. "I know. It's hard to say no to him, Liv. I'm still in love with him, you know. It sucks 'cause he knows that."

No, I wouldn't let her be his doormat. She was worth more than that. My Josie deserved to be treated like a queen and not some unimportant girl on the side. "Fuck it. I'm going to find you a man. To hell with Brandon and his sweet talk that always gets to you."

"Don't think another guy would love to date with a girl that's crazy about another man," she muttered before giving me a hug. "I have to go because my parents are waiting for me at home. See you Monday?"

"You have fun on that trip and be safe." I hugged her back. Her family was going to visit her grandparents in San Francisco. Hopefully, by Monday, I would have spotted the guy to hook her up with. Brandon and his lame sleazy self should be kicked to the curb.

Pulling over a light sweater over my cami and shorts attire, I grabbed the bottled water and took a long sip from it and then walked out of my bedroom barefoot. The plush carpeting was heaven on my sore toes from walking on four-inch heels last night. Descending down the stairs, I didn't realize how much clutter was there until I reached the living room and kitchen area. The only thing I could be happy with was that there were no people around here passed out drunk or anything. Apart from the mess, the house was quiet.

"Why didn't anyone clean this shit up?" I thought out loud with a large frown on my face.

"The guys are coming over to clean up before the barbeque tonight," a voice boomed behind me.

When I spun around, I was greeted by muscled chest with defined ridges. My mouth ran dry. _Fuck me_. Those abs were killer last night in my drunken haze, but in daylight, they were fatal to my eyes. Staring into his tiger pools with my reaction now would seriously put me into a heady coma. Licking my bottom lip, I turned around and took a deep breath before heading towards the fridge to get something to drink. _Boy, was I parched..._

"Are you in some sort of pain?" he asked, sounding strained and yet gentle to my ears.

_Pain?_ The only thing I could think of that needed doses of medication was my mind. It was taking me into a sexual plethora of hallucinations and I needed something to whip me back to my old self. I used to applaud myself for having great sense of control, but when he was around, I was a stupid mess—mentally and sexually.

"I'm fine. Thank you for last night," I said, not looking at him before popping the lid of cranberry apple juice.

"Yeah."

Taking a sip of my drink, I felt my heart skip a beat when our eyes clashed. Swallowing the juice that was now stuck in my throat felt like I was gulping a ball made out of sand. I wanted to say something funny to break this weird vibe we were sending each other, but that thought process came to a halt when I moved towards the French doors leading to the backyard and towards the pool house.

Five minutes later, I heard the roar of his engine driving out of the driveway.

It was only ten in the morning. _Where the hell was he going?_ I wondered. Irritation came afterwards thinking that I let myself get so caught up with his ins and outs. Honestly, why did I care so much anyway?

Since Josie was out of town and I didn't have a car—my mom couldn't afford to get me one—I was now stuck here for the weekend. I suppose watching movies all weekend long wouldn't be such a bad thing. I kind of needed the off night anyhow.

Grey and his friends will be here tonight again. I was sure if they knew that I was staying in tonight, they'd keep out and do their own thing and not bother me so much.

Eyeing the cluttered mess, I pulled a garbage bag and started cleaning up. I couldn't function and watch my feel good movies and stuff myself with buttered popcorn when the kitchen smelled like rotten pizza and beer.

One of the main mantra I lived by was always trying to project and live by positivity. This chaos would damped my optimism, so I spent the next two hours cleaning everything up before making myself a light meal of buttered popcorn, snickers, delivered extra cheese pizza and diet soda. The Edwards had a nice movie theatre room with red leather seats in them, and I couldn't wait to test them out.

Two hours later, I was so engrossed with the movie that I didn't realize I had another person with me in the room until I felt a hand go past my back and dug into my bowl of popcorn.

"I didn't know you were into some girly girl movies." His low baritone timbre voice sent shivers all over my body. I could hear him munch on the snack, while choosing to sit behind me.

Irritated at by his interruption, I glared at him. "News flash. _I'm a girl_."

"Huh, I had no idea." He grinned at me, eyes mischievous.

Why was he being playful and flirty? And fuck, he needed a good lesson on wearing a shirt around women—especially with women who had spiraling hormones targeting the nether region sort...

I wanted to groan as I squeezed my legs shut; feeling the inner workings of his sex appeal wasn't welcome. Not one little bit. "Did you need something?" I asked, breathless, looking away and back to staring at the movie again, which at this point was all a blur in my eyes because I was too aware of him.

"You cleaned the mess."

_It was dirty._ "I couldn't stand it."

He leaned over, close to the back of my head, but not touching. "You didn't have to do that. You could've at least waited for me and I'd do it. I didn't know it bothered you that much."

His deep voice... it did something to me. "It's nothing," I managed to say before I bit down on my bottom lip and closed my eyes.

He inched closer, a hair's breath away from my ear. "Be my date tonight," he whispered, lingering.

_Um, what did he just say?_ " _Excuse me?_"

"I said, be my date tonight." The tip of his nose brushed against my ear for a nanosecond, but it was enough for my body to react with fire exploding all over me. When his hot breath hit the back of my ear, a strangled groan came from me. "I can give you so much more than these chick flicks. I'll give you the real deal."

Boy, this guy... when he put the seduction mode on... and what was he talking about? "A date?" I said, puzzled. " _With you?_ " My head whipped to the side, needing to see his face. "Have you lost your shit, Grey?" My face zeroed in on him. With the movie only the source of light in here, his face was illuminated in such a way that I couldn't stare at him for that long before dropping my eyes to side.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I think I have officially lost my shit. You said you wanted to have fun, right?" He sounded serious. "So let's have fun together." His lethal grin in place, he said, "I won't bite that hard. Promise." He said the words like he meant them, but his eyes told me a different story.

Men like him couldn't be trusted. What woman would? I sure as hell didn't. I'd rather thrust myself inside a strip club and feel safe than be left alone with Greyson Edwards. "I can't."

"Can't... _or won't?_"

His eyes felt like they were x-raying my soul, watching every move. I opened my mouth to speak, "I don't—"I felt bereft when our eyes clashed. "We can't—" I still couldn't coherently speak because I was trapped. His eyes became my jailer and I was his prisoner. For a second, his eyes looked curious before he moved them closer to mine. His gorgeous face looked at me closely. Determined.

"I pine for you all day and night. I can't keep lying to myself. I'm out of order and I just couldn't take it anymore. I fucking want you, Liv. _So much_ that I'm willing to put my pride aside and ask you to give me a fair shot."

"For a date? _That's all_ , right?" Where was I going with this?

He hesitated. " _Starting_ with a date." He emphasized, "One date."

"But I already made plans."

_"Gavin again?"_

I hid back a smile. He hated that I was somewhat dating his friend, but I didn't feel anything towards him. He was fun to be around, even so, there were no chemistry there, unlike this unquestionable one I had with the guy I'd rather feed to the dogs.

"No, but with all these hot actors." I pointed at the pile of my favorite DVDs. "It's a date I can't cancel."

Grey smiled and I became a little dizzy. "May I invite myself?"

Sigh, things were already complicated. "I don't think you've earned that right yet, Grey."

"Then spend some time around me. Come out tonight. Not as my date, but just to hang around... feel me out."

Feel him out... with my hands? Tongue? _Jesus, my thoughts were leading me astray._ "I can't make promises."

"I won't ask you to."

"If I go, will you keep this between the two of us? Not even Jet can know." My mouth ran along and I said the words before I caught myself. Shit. And. Double shit.

"Done."

"Good." I was making a deal with the devil. Okay, maybe that comparison was a little extreme, but I was going to get burnt. I just hoped that I could play him at his own game and come out breathing.

He stood up, looking down on me. "Oh, and one more thing, no more bathing suits for you. Not tonight anyway."

The barbeque was going to be here and everyone was going to use the pool. "Why's that?"

The end of his lips lifted, making my stomach somersault. "I don't want to be distracted."

_Oh._

"I'll come by and get you for our non-date tonight." He bent over and leaned against my face. "Dress... _for me_."

My face contorted. "I don't understand."

"Wear something with me in mind, Pooh." He looked at me for a good minute before leaving, walking away without looking back.

When the door closed, I didn't let out my breath until I heard the loud click of the latch securely shut. "Oh my freaking shit! What did I get myself into?" I wondered out loud.

## 10

# Grey

It had been two hours since I asked Olivia that question, and even though one hundred and twenty minutes had past, I was still reeling from the moment. What propelled me to ask her was something I had been internally arguing with myself all morning. It was why I left because I needed to think. And when I got back and found the house all clean, I was more inclined to get to know the woman who hadn't left my thoughts since the moment I saw her again back from her trip in Australia.

One would think that with all of her bitchiness, she was uncaring and lazy, thinking that the world revolved around her, but time and time again, she would prove me wrong. She loved her mom; on several occasions, I heard her tell her exactly that before she left for school. Same with her father, too; whenever he called and I got to hear the end of their cheery conversation when I was around the house. Picturing her as a bitch through the years, it was quite refreshing to be proven wrong. That Olivia was, after all, a caring person, a woman who was willing to help without anything in return.

When I saw her stuffing her mouth with popcorn and watching _Sweet Home Alabama_ with intense concentration, I knew I had to do something. I could fight anything, but my attraction to her was too powerful for me to keep going on this pretense.

Taking a step in, asking her out, could only lead to something bad because, let's face it, she and I had always never met eye-to-eye. Even with all that, though, my gut was telling me to keep on going. That maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be such a nightmare. Things were complicated already. If Brett decided to marry Laura, then shit would be over between us. However, if they won't, there was still that possibility between us.

With all these obstacles, I was hoping that things would be okay. I mean, after all this consuming chemistry we shared, there had got to be something amazing to be shared between us, wasn't there?

The barbeque was set up for six, but I was ready at five, checking out the time for the tenth time. I shouldn't be worried... neither should I be anxious, but here I was, agitated with sweaty palms.

"Jesus, Grey, it's only a girl. Don't sweat it," I muttered to myself before finally releasing a sigh as I stood up and strode over to the fridge for a bottle of beer.

Olivia was a girl, but not just any other girl. She was a girl I hated and yet couldn't keep my eyes off almost my entire life. She was a girl who had the power to get me so keyed up that I couldn't think straight. Yeah, she was a girl all right... a special twisted kind especially formulated to fuck me over.

Knowing that, here I was, crazy excited at the idea that I might get to have her around for a lot more. It was a roadway to disaster, and no matter how this turned out, I'd rather have fun on my way there.

Even though it was early still, I walked out of my place and strolled towards the main house. My heart was beating so loudly, I could literally feel it ringing in my ears. I hadn't felt this alive in a long time. Apart from racing, Olivia was the only woman who could get my heart beating.

Once I was inside, the house was eerily quiet. I had always used the back stairs to get upstairs, but today, I went through the main hall and chose one of the two-curved marbled stairways. Turning a sharp left, I eyed the last door at the end of the hallway. From here, I could hear music. When I got closer, I realized that she was listening to _Somebody Told Me_ by The Killers. That seriously made me smile and smirk at the same time.

Knocking softly, I waited for a second and when I didn't hear her, I gradually opened the door. This was a ballsy move, but I just wanted to see her and hoped that maybe we could... talk?

When I heard the shower running, I let out a sigh and told myself to back off and wait for her downstairs. Looking around for the last time before leaving her space, I was surprised that her room wasn't at all flowery and pink. In fact, it was very comfy... rustic-like. The last time I was here, I didn't really look around because—one, it was dark and I mostly hung around in the bathroom, and two, my thoughts were focused on scoring a kiss and maybe something more, other than noticing what her room looked like.

Leaving her be, I left her room and went downstairs to call Jet to come over and help out.

After my call from Jet, I also got a message for a meet tonight.

_Topanga at midnight._

This should be interesting.

## 11

# Liv

I had been standing amongst my clothes. Some scattered on the floor, a few hung around the door and wherever I could find places to latch the hanger around. You see, this was the first time that a guy told me to dress for him. I mean, each and every time I went on a date I dressed for myself and whatever I was comfortable in because if a woman couldn't be comfortable on her first date, disaster always tends to strike.

All these theories were noted due to Josie's interesting first dates. Example, a brand new thong that was beyond uncomfortable with tight jeans—instead of paying attention to what the guy was talking about, you were more focused on how much you just want to get in there and tug the sucker off your skin and scratch it mad. Josie was a gem and had hilarious stories to share, though some were borderline mortifying.

So here I was, not knowing what to wear. Nor did it help that Liam was texting non-stop and was being all nostalgic. He was the one who suggested this whole dating other people idea. Now that I was in it and going through the motion, he was not at all pleased. He was the one who went on a date first for crying out loud so that I would know that he was dead serious, and now he wasn't pleased. Great, seriously. I couldn't deal with his indecisiveness on top of my first non-date with the notorious Greyson Edwards.

The thought of him and how he whispered in my ear made me convulse in a shiver. _Dress for me._ Something about that dark raspy tone simply made me heave and palpitate.

Grey was a man I had never come across. He was a bad boy that I tried to stay away from for so long, and now I was skirting around his orbit—around danger—and yet, nothing, it seemed, was stopping me from going to see him tonight.

_Dress for me..._

I was trying and damn, I wanted to look hot and sexy without being too obvious. Because yes, I was a girl, and even though Grey and I have the most complicated connection, I wanted to go out there tonight and blow any expectations he had about me.

Knowing how these people go about, Tiffany, Edith or both will be there tonight. No one would know about us. I would die with shame if one of them guessed. Yet, even with this knowledge, it still didn't stop me from deciding to see this through.

Nor did it stop me from making me grab the white floral sundress that stopped just above my knees. It was modest enough even though the top area pressed against my breasts like I was wearing a corset. The back area was open except for the massive crisscross of an X.

Fixing my hair in a loose ponytail, I applied mascara and strawberry-tinted lip gloss. The last part was footwear. Since it was technically in my backyard, should I even bother? With a smile, I strolled out of my bedroom barefoot, on my way to Greyson's pool house.

It was around half past six and the pool area looked busy. Standing next to the French doors, I scanned for him, but he wasn't in sight. Swallowing my nervousness, I contemplated if I should go inside his house and see if he was entertaining one of his girlfriends. If he was doing that on the night he asked me to "feel him out", I wouldn't even know where to begin with my furious ranting spree.

Baron Mitchells, who was on our football team, flung his arm around my shoulder and kissed my head. "'Livia, have you thought about that date I asked you about three years ago?"

Through the years, Baron had been asking me out, but each and every time I declined him and we would end up arguing about it. It was rather offbeat, but we ended up having a good laugh about these moment. Now it just became a joke.

"Same answer, B; nothing's changed."

"So you say." He winked, glancing around before looking back at me. "One day, you'll want a piece of this chocolate."

I laughed along with him, but the moment I saw Grey come out from the pool house, with a bunch of people and a blonde woman whispering into his ear while they walked, sent me somehow heated. She was new; I had never seen her around. When it came to Grey, he had scouted the women around the valley, the hills and the beach. He was known for that. It seemed everyone wanted a piece of him. The more notorious he was, the more popular he became amongst women.

Right now, I felt like a total idiot for almost falling for his lies.

"Can I get you something to drink and some food?" Baron asked, breaking me away from my thoughts.

Pasting a grateful smile, I declined his offer and immediately excused myself when I saw Gavin arriving through the French doors. I walked towards him with a smile on my face.

"Aw man, what did I ever do to deserve this kind of welcome?" Gavin grinned, eyeing me from head to toe with wicked eyes before tugging me around his hips and then moving towards his friends, with Grey among them.

I wanted to seem like I wasn't at all affected that Grey wasn't waiting for me as he promised earlier. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he had changed his mind about me. And if he did, I wished he had the decency to tell me instead of letting me feel like an utter idiot wondering for a good hour what to wear. So imagine my surprise when we got to join them that Grey smiled at us. His smile wasn't even forced and seemed genuine, much to my irritation.

For a good two hours, we chatted, drank and ate, and not once did our gazes cross. If he was purposely ignoring me, he was doing a splendid job at it.

I was disappointed, amongst other things. Most of all, I was more ticked off at myself for falling into his trap. Maybe it was one of his jokes to make me feel like shit and I almost fell for it.

"Everyone's going to swim and drink, but I want to shoot pool. Wanna do a game with me, Liv?" Jet asked me with a stern face. He and I never interacted much, so for him to speak directly to me right in front of everyone was baffling.

Now that everyone was now staring back at me, I felt trapped to say yes. "Sure."

He nodded, smiling before he got up and took out his pack of cigarettes and tapped it on his hand. "Going to smoke. Meet you in there in five. Cool?"

_Yeah, 'cause we did this all the damn time._ "Okay."

I almost jumped on my seat when Gavin gave my knee a tight squeeze, making me glance towards him quickly. "Come back out here when you're done. And don't forget to wear a bikini." He leaned close to my face. He was very touchy feely ever since he got here, but I wasn't interested in him. In fact, my radar was pointed towards the man who sat across me.

_But,_ since he was technically avoiding me for some odd purpose, I was actually thinking of going back to my room and calling Liam... maybe it was time to talk. "We'll see," I murmured, getting up before giving him a small smile and then striding towards inside the house. Most people were outside, so indoors, it was a lot quieter.

The game room was somewhere close to the movie room. I heard Brett mentioned that it was in the basement that he jokingly referred to it as a dungeon. My thoughts ran along with Jet and his intention of needing to get me alone while I hunted down for the game room. Thankfully, it wasn't at all hard to find. Everything was lit with mood lighting. Some areas, like the stairs, were brightly lit, but the game room area dialed down on that. It was dark with only the fireplace to light up the place.

Standing amidst everything, I took three shallow breaths before I walked towards the billiard table. Two cues were on the green felt and the billiard balls were all in set-up with the white cue ball resting on the far side. I wasn't so great at this, but a few times when I was younger my father taught me how to play. That was long, long time ago, though.

Even though it was dark, the fire in the fireplace had enough glow to illuminate the pool gaming area enough to see clearly.

Gripping the cool polished cue stick in my hand, I spotted the nearby chalk cube and polished the tip with it before grabbing the cue ball and placed it right at the far right, aiming to hit a solid ball. Conscious about my stance, I situated myself again as I spread my hand on the felt and curled my thumb right above my forefinger and let the cue stick run along it, feeling my aim and target.

I was about to thrust the stick forward when I heard light footsteps behind me. "Thought I should practice. It's been ages," I said before returning my concentration to the game. Immediately, I tensed up when I felt a hand over mine before I heard him whisper into my ear.

"You're too tense. Relax." His hard body wrapped around mine as I watched a large male hand above mine on table. "Concentrate on your target." His hand that was wrapped around mine on the cue stick started to caress it gently.

I was tense all right. Furious, too. "Why are you here?" I wanted to scream, but my voice could only manage to squeak out the words.

His breathing became ragged as he spoke to my sensitive ear, "I forgot that I promised that this will remain between the two of us, that's why I couldn't get you, knowing there were a lot of people that were going to notice. I didn't want to compromise that."

I wasn't sure what was frustrating; that I had forgotten that we made this stupid pact of keeping it a secret or that I had completely forgotten about it? "Don't worry about it, Grey. I didn't notice you that much at all." Total bull, but heck, had to save some of my pride and self-respect.

I just couldn't let him think that he could get with me any time of the day. I never planned to get intimate with him. It was more of getting to know the real man underneath it all. One of the real reasons that got my curiosity was that I wanted to see if he was all talk and no fire. It was confusing since my brain was all against it, but something propelled me to go forward, so I was going to follow that gut feeling, cautiously.

"But I noticed you, Liv." His hand disengaged from mine. The pole was now resting against my hip. "You're barefoot."

Hiding back my stupid grin, I responded, "Got a problem with that?"

His hand started to massage the side of my hip while he slowly whispered, lingering around my ear, "No, I like it bare, skin to skin, where I can see everything."

Jesus, were we still talking about my feet? I doubted it. "Where's Jet?" I changed the subject. Not only was he making me nervous, but also Grey was seriously giving me serious discomfort... _down there._

"Jet's partying outside. It's just you and me here. Alone." He made sure to emphasize the word _alone_ before pulling away from my body.

Was this a set-up? I was becoming suspicious. "Why did he ask me to come down here then?"

Grey let my question hang in the air for a little longer before responding to my question with steady voice. "Because I asked him to. I told him I needed to discuss something important, away from Gavin and everyone."

" _Why?_ "

"I wanted to see how you're doing tonight," he simply said without skipping a beat.

Was he messing with my brain? Did I hallucinate that he did not acknowledge my existence for the last couple of hours? " _You're joking, right?_"

Tiger eyes sharpened on me like lasers. "No. Should I be?"

Folding my hands underneath my breasts, I directed him a fact, "All night, you did not even say hi or hello. Not fucking once! _Now you're curious to know if I'm doing okay?_ Are you bipolar?" He sure as hell was a good candidate.

"No. I made a promise not to give any suspicion to anyone. And since you and I were good at ignoring each other for years, I couldn't suddenly go up to you and greet you 'good evening', could I?" He paused, pressing closer. "If it were up to me, things would be different."

I was sure it would be. I'd have a known nametag as one of his "women". "I'm not going to join your pussy possy."

Grey didn't utter a reply. Instead, he remained calm, observant, staring openly at me. We glared at each other for quite some time before he finally broke the silence. "First try and we failed," he murmured, cracking a tiny smile. "Epically."

He had an infectious smile and I ended up smiling back before laughing at our stupidity. "I didn't expect any less from us."

He was smiling down at me, while I watched the flames from the fireplace play around his face, noting how his sooty lashes framed his gorgeous eyes. When he smiled like this I tend to forget why I hated him so much.

Entranced and dazzled at his smile, the spell broke when he briefly checked his watch for a quick second before reverting back to me. "Well, this was not how I pictured things to end, but I guess this is goodnight."

_Wait, what? Goodnight? It's not even midnight!_ "Where are you going?" I asked, not wanting for it to end. Not just yet.

He studied me a moment, pressing his lips together. "I have a race tonight."

"Can I come?" I blurted out. _Where the freaking fuck did that come from?_

He shook his head while looking at me, thinking, before shaking his head again as he raked his hair with his left hand. "No. It's too dangerous."

Did he think I didn't know that he always had women with him during these times? I had heard all about it, and I knew tonight was not any different. "Please?" I pleaded, surprising myself that I did in fact want to go and be there with him.

"People will wonder," he argued with a straight face.

"Let them." Yeah, I truly was losing my bearings here. What else? My pride? Self-respect? Underwear perhaps?

"Nah." He looked away, looking torn before eyeing me again with a certain look about him. "I wouldn't be able to think if you're there."

Biting my bottom lip, I made sure he saw me do that before pleading in a saccharine tone. "I promise to be good." I surely was flirting with danger.

Grey groaned before letting out a long breath then groaned again as if pained. "But I don't want you good. I like you bad, Liv." He was staring at me with wild eyes. Those lethal tiger pools dropped low and watched my breasts rise high and low from my shallow breathing.

Leaning closer to his ear, I whispered, "Then I promise to be bad." If this little flirting didn't work, I was out of options.

He groaned, grinning at me so sexily, making me combust in flames. "If you ride with me, _you ride with me_."

"Huh...?" I sounded like the clueless idiot that I was. " _What does that all mean?_ " I asked, blushing, not from looking like a moron, but from his hot gaze.

Wickedness gleamed at me. "It means you have to straddle me, Liv."

My mouth hung ajar. " _While you drive?_"

He nodded.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I stared at him like he had lost his mind. He probably did. I shouldn't even wonder about that. " _Is that even possible?_"

He pushed against me, curling his thumb against the side of my neck before running it slowly upwards, behind my ear. "It is. Anything is possible," he rasped out, taking my breath with him.

"You're crazy," I barely managed to say.

"So I've been told." The side of his lips lifted, giving me the sexiest smirk I had yet witnessed. "Are you on?" He arched one perfect dark brow.

_Am I on?_ Yeah, I definitely was _on_ something and his name was Greyson Edwards. "As long as you promise not to kill us both, I'm on board."

"Yes ma'am, I promise." He saluted, promising me madness.

## 12

# Liv

After he made sure everyone was set to leave for the meet, Grey, Jet and I made sure the house was secured before leaving in separate cars. He waited until Jet left ahead of us in his suited up Acura RSX before glancing at me. We were barely out of the circular driveway when he killed the engine without warning.

"You forgot something in the house?" I double checked, confused at his actions.

He shook his head, staring ahead, pondering. "No, but I think we should try this one out."

Was this part of his mind games? "Aren't you going to be late?"

Grey glanced at the time then back at me. "We still have time to practice." His large hands rubbed his jeans before tapping his legs for me to straddle on. "Sit on me, Liv."

He was testing me. I sort of guessed it, just to see if I really was going to pull through my bullshit. Well, I wasn't one to back down.

"Have you done this before?" I asked as I unbuckled my seatbelt and slowly started to shift in my seat, facing him with my left hand on the edge of his headrest, gripping the soft leather, while my right was splayed on the dashboard, all set and ready.

"Maybe a few times."

No wonder. "With Edith _or_ Tiffany?"

"One of each."

He said a few times. Who the heck was the other nameless woman? "No accidents?" I raised my brow as I started to knee the seat and slowly shift towards him.

His eyes never left me. "Not in the way you're implying."

And what was that exactly? I wanted to know, but didn't ask because I might not like the answer.

The car felt crammed, but I managed to move above him, hovering, without accidentally elbowing his face or kneeing his crotch. Both of my hands were planted on each sides of the headrest. My hair fell forward, blanketing us, while I looked down on his face. His face lifted towards mine, watching every move.

His smell. His body heat. His hot breath. Those eyes that seemed to take in everything I did all at once, this close to him... made me yearn for the things I shouldn't be wanting. Needing.

"Grey," I whispered, cautiously lowering myself down on his lap when he jolted me with his protest.

"Don't. Move," he gritted out with ragged breaths. His eyes closed. He was breathing deeply, nostrils flaring as if he was trying to concentrate on something while looking dangerously intense.

I was stuck midway, not knowing what to do. Should I get off him or continue to freeze? His sudden spurts of bipolar were grating on me.

"I don't think I can do this with you tonight, Liv," he spoke, eyes still shut.

"But you said—" I started to protest, but he snapped those mesmerizing eyes at me, seizing me alive.

"I know, but I can't think straight and you're not even on me." His eyes dropped on my lips before he bit down on his bottom one. "All I can see is fucking you this way."

This was the real Greyson. The almost decent human being he had been covering up with was now peeling its scales.

"Keep seeing it 'cause you'll never feel or know what'll be like," I grunted out as I haphazardly got off him and went back to my seat.

Why did he have to ruin the night like that? Everyone knew he was an animal, but for once, could he at least act with decency? His blatantness was offensive.

He remained quiet as he gunned down the engine until we hit a stoplight before glancing at me with sharp eyes. "It'll be better for the both of us if we stop pretending that we don't want each other."

Even if he was right, I would never admit to it. Instead, I snorted, looking away, staring at the passing scenery.

"Admit it. It's killing you that you want me."

One night of playfulness and he thought he could say things like this to me? Arrogant SOB! "After tonight, let's pretend that this never happened. I just want to forget about this nightmare."

"You're good at forgetting things, I know."

_Oh, we're back at that, huh?_ "What the fuck does that mean, Greyson?" I screeched, ready to knock him down from my simmering anger.

"Nothing," he nonchalantly replied.

Oh yeah, he was now playing stupid? I think not. " _Don't you nothing me when you have something to say!_"

His nostrils flared, looking like he had something to say, but instead, all I heard from him was a loud groan before he drove off. Viciously furious.

Silently, we stared at the road ahead. Even though he was driving more than the speed limit, which in normal circumstances I would have had a severe panic attack. At the moment, I didn't care; I was fuming about our confusing exchange. How did things go from one thing to the other? It was hot and cold in a drop of a hat. We were more unpredictable than a toddler's tantrum.

We were now driving into the canyons. The lampposts were severe and far in between, so he had to switch his high beams on. The canyons usually gave me a dizzy spell from the swift and sharp turns, and how the cars usually run unusually fast, but compared to how this guy was driving, he looked like he took his driving way too seriously. Each time he switched gears, I noticed that he pressed his lips together.

The engine started to have the muffled sound as the car started to slow down just as the large clearing started to appear a quarter mile away. From afar, I could see his friends parked and lined on the right side of the road, and I supposed the ones on the opposite side were the competition.

I was about to make a snarky remark when I saw how the other women were dressed in their short shorts that looked like underwear and bikini tops. Were these the same people who were at the house party earlier? 'Cause from the looks of it, they sure as hell didn't bother putting any clothing on. I supposed this was the drag racing for you—skimpy clad women, fast cars, bunch of men who would do anything to get their need for speed and belonging to crew where apparently one for all and all for one existed.

My newfound bubble of curiosity amongst these people and this new world I was introduced to was squashed after I saw Grey shake his head towards Jet. In the blink of an eye, he just picked up his speed and zoomed out of there, using the engine's full capacity.

"Greyson! _What in the world are you doing, you idiot!_ " I yelled at him when he made a quick turn towards an off beaten path, but he was unflinching.

I would've kept on yelling until his ears fell off his head, but the darkness that enveloped us started to frighten me, nor did it help that he turned off the headlights with only the moon and stars to light our way. This was the fucking canyon for crying out loud. There were thousands of coyotes around, willing to eat anything that had a heartbeat, and not to mention the poisonous snakes and spiders that lurked in this area; it sent me into a major panic. I was at his mercy and goodness; I hoped he wasn't going to do anything stupid because I would raise Hell and the entire Purgatory if he did.

My right hand gripped the side of my seat, hoping the sharp turns would end soon before we ended up rolling down the mountain and crashing to our deaths.

Picturing that very deadly scene in my head, I closed my eyes and started to concentrate on quietly singing a song. My heart rate had never been this active before; it felt like I was gunning for the Olympics.

_I swear, the second he parks this car I will chew his brains out!_ I was thinking and plotting of all the ways I could murder him in his sleep when the car suddenly stopped. It took me awhile to register this because one moment it was going ninety or maybe a hundred and then it just immediately came to a screeching halt.

My temper skyrocketed when he killed the engine and walked out of the car and into the darkness.

_What is he up to now?_ "God damn you, Greyson!" I muttered, about to follow him out.

## 13

# Grey

Overreacting wasn't instilled in me, but when it came to Olivia, she somehow planted that seed and it would sprout whenever she felt like pissing on me. Was this how it felt like to want something you couldn't have?

I kept telling myself that all I wanted was a taste of what she could offer, even for one night, then I would stop obsessing about having her... but she was making it a battle. I mean, what woman would give mix signals? One moment she would look at me with that certain look and then the next, she would react as if I was toxic.

Her on-and-off personality was getting to me, and the more this sexual frustration kept going, the more I hankered for it. Why wouldn't she put out anyway? Most men she dated had bragged about how good she was. So if she could tolerate men with an IQ of a fish, why wouldn't she just give in already?

My embarrassing display of a tantrum shocked me, but it couldn't be helped. I was getting too caught up with wanting her that she was all I could think about. So I had to drive off and back out of the race, driving off to a place where I liked to think and get things into perspective.

I only strolled a few feet away from the car because I didn't want to leave her too far away. I supposed the need to breathe and think properly without having my thoughts get stifled by the new obsession was in order. I already knew that she was bound to drive me crazy. This interactive mental foreplay was expected. So the question remained, where the hell did I go from here? _Do I keep pursuing her, knowing that she was never going to give in, or do I abandon all hopes of making this fantasy real for a night of good fucking?_

"Greyson Edwards! Get your stupid ass back here! Let's settle this once and for all," Olivia yelled from behind.

She sure sounded angry, that was for sure. I scuffed my foot in the dirt, contemplating if I should let her wait for a good minute or two. However, when she yelled again, screaming expletives at me, I bowed down and grudgingly started to walk towards her.

It was dark with the moonlight as our beam of light around here, but she looked even more delicious all riled up as she leaned against the hood of the car, glaring at me.

"Let it all out—all the cobwebs, all that anger and hate you have for me. Air it out in the open."

Well, maybe hate was not an accurate word to describe what I was feeling towards her, not anymore. She was Olivia, the perfect concoction. And I was Greyson, the perfect imperfection. I knew men like me never got women like Olivia. Bad guys never did. I also knew she was right, but a large part of me wanted to prove her wrong. As for the rest, it was purely raw attraction.

"It's been a rough day. I guess we could call it a night and go back home."

"Talk to me, Grey!"

"What the hell for, Olivia? So you can rub it in my face that you're too good for me? I get it. I shouldn't have asked you to give me a fair shot in the first place because I know I won't get it—not with you." The truth stung, even though it shouldn't. "Never with you."

"I never said I was too good for you, Grey."

She might as well have. "No, not directly, but you sure as fuck made sure I understood where you belong."

She frowned, bracing herself before glancing away, taking deep breaths. "Where are we?"

My head snapped to the opposite side, feeling as empty as the darkness that surrounded us. "All the way up top, on a decent sized plateau."

"It's beautiful up here," she observed.

_It was._ "Yeah," I agreed.

This was the closest I could get to the stars. Not only that, but it was also peaceful. From afar, the Pacific Ocean glittered in the great distance. Each time I came here, no one ever was around. So I made this little piece of land my own, my sanctuary.

"Arguing with you won't solve anything. Let's just drop this whole thing and forget about it," I told her. Might as well. I thought we could have fun, and at the same time, maybe get a chance to know each other better since we'd be living in the same roof, technically. That was wishful thinking. It was never going to happen with our heads butting in every turn.

"Right, 'cause I could just easily forget that you tried to get into my pants."

Her barbed comment made me look at her face. We were inches apart and not to mention, in the dark, but even then, she still looked beautiful. Could she really blame me—any man for that matter—to want her this badly? She was feisty and vivacious... and I liked pretty much anything that was attached and associated with her. Even her crazy mean attitude.

"I'm sure you could, Liv. Let's go." I offered my hand for her to take so I could guide her back inside the car, but she was reluctant, staring at my hand like it was made out of poison ivy.

Licking her lips, slowly meeting my gaze, she whispered, "I never said I was immune to your advances."

Mixed signals—she was the queen of it—and it was fucking with my mind. Again and again. One heated look from her and my tense body revved up, hot blood circuited all over me, directing to the one place that always got me going where Olivia was concerned. Down south.

This was inevitable... and her come hither looks were affecting me greatly. I was going to bite... and I hoped that she would have enough sense to stop me because I was too far in to back out the second I touched her. Closing the gap in between us, we were barely grazing each other's skin, but I felt her everywhere. My skin prickled, aware of each breath, each pounding heartbeat, each gasp, each sigh. I heard it all.

Bending my head down, I placed my face against the side of her head, smelling her like a bloodhound, as if her smell was my survival. Gently pressing against her body, she was half leaning, partially sitting on the hood. One hand was cupping her cheek while the other was holding her hip, making sure that she had nowhere to go.

"You're so fucking sexy..." I murmured, getting lost at the feeling of being this close to getting what I wanted. "Give me a taste of your lips, Liv," I begged, kissing her cheek with a gentleness that I hadn't used with anyone before. Her skin felt like silk and I wanted more, so much more.

"Don't. You. Dare. Kiss. Me."

"It's only a kiss," I whispered against her skin. With my hand still cradling her cheek, I left tiny whisper kisses against it, slowly leading me towards where her lips called upon me to devour.

"Why? So you can show me what those skanks taste like? No, thanks!" Her breathing hitched. She sounded shaky, unsure.

* * *

Her words didn't do anything to me. In fact, her body was speaking to me, slowly ebbing away its defenses to let me in and take over. "I just want one, Olivia" I nipped her skin, making her body sag a bit before her hand pressed against my chest, nails almost scratching. "Give me just one..." Pushing my hips against hers, she let out a sharp moan before she uttered the word _no_. When her legs gave out and parted to cradle me in between her groin, I pushed and ground into her excruciatingly. Her heat cast a spell on me, and fuck was I in a state of need.

We were both breathing so heavily, staring at each other, wide-eyed, knowing that if I stepped any further there was no taking anything back. "Your words tell me to stop—but your body is telling me to keep going." I questioned her eyes, seeking her truth and not the lies she kept spouting at me. "So which should I believe? The mouth that's telling me to go to Hell, or this body that's panting for me, soaking my jeans with wetness?"

Her lips quivered. She was about to say something to reject me, but I pushed my hardness against her heat, evoking a deep moan from her. She wanted me, but her mind was telling her not to go through with it. The body was a power tool to use; it would never lie to me.

"You want this inside you, don't you?" I pressed harder, thrusting as if fucking while holding her hip as I cupped her cheek with my other hand. Then I whispered into her ear, "This will feel so good in you, Liv. Just say yes and this will be all yours. All night—for as long as you want." My heart was racing, my cock was enraged, and my need was profound.

She sobbed, moaning my name as she closed her eyes, hating the feeling of what I was doing to her, and yet, she couldn't resist it. She couldn't bring herself to stop me; not yet anyway. This dry fucking was working its way into her. Slowly.

## 14

# Liv

Right now, I was wishing that I held some extraordinary super power, one where I could easily push him off without much effort on my part. My body was succumbing to him, but my mind reeled off, knowing that if I did, I would regret it; every second of it.

_Liam..._

Liam would kill me if I went through with this. Yes, we had agreed to date other people, but the agreement was to only engage socially and maybe slightly in the physical sense, not to full-on have sex with them. Well, it had been me who had made sure of that.

"Please—" I sobbed, knowing how my body would chastise me afterwards. "Stop," I begged again.

Grey was panting so hard, and for the life of me, I couldn't look straight into his eyes. I knew that, if I did, I would be lost in them, and I needed some sort of direction; a how-to map to snap some sense into this curling need that was taking over my body.

My fingers were digging into his skin through his shirt, needing him to stop, yet, at the same time, I wanted him to keep going, to see where this foreplay could lead us to. That would be too risky, though. Too much was at stake for me. Even though my body was tempting me to go through with this, I doubted I could ever forgive myself if I actually did allow it.

Grey kept teasing for another minute then he stopped, heaving on my neck as if he'd run a marathon. Silence surrounded us except for the loud thumping of our hearts hammering against our chests. For a second, I let myself think about what it would be like in his arms.

From his personality, I knew he'd be a volatile lover. Intense. Consuming. And one taste wouldn't be enough. He would be addictive; I knew that. Even if I hadn't done much with him—well, not in that sense—a part of me had always looked for him; was always aware of his presence when he was around. It was startling to admit this to myself, but it was the bare truth, sinking slowly into me.

"Are you okay?" he rasped out, still breathing down on my neck.

I hadn't resumed the demeanor of my old self because he was still holding me. I trembled, thinking that he sounded like he cared. It was the last thing we needed; caring for each other. _That_ direction wasn't an option.

Instead of uttering my reply, I nodded, hoping he'd get the hint; that he needed to let off me so I could think, so I could breathe, so I could be myself again. When he was this close to me, it made things extra difficult to process any brain function.

Was I okay? He'd asked and I might've nodded that I was, but truthfully, if I looked deep down, was I really?

_No_. I fucking wasn't. In fact, every day was getting worse. Every day that passed my hate for him was starting to disappear. What troubled me more was how attracted I was to him, and how much I just wanted to submit and give in the moment those tiger eyes hypnotized me. Fighting this curling, gnawing need by the day was becoming an obsession, however what if the day came that I didn't have any fight left to tell him to stop? What happened then? Would he really go through with it? God, I hoped not. I hoped that maybe this was a game to him, and the second I would succumb, he'd laugh it off and tell me that he was just playing mind games. If that ever happened, I would be greatly offended, and with no pride to speak of, but at least my body and heart would remain intact.

Grey wasn't a guy to be fucked with. It was best that I knew that tonight and started seeing someone else to distract me from his charismatic advances.

"What will it take for you to stay away from me?" I asked, knowing that one of us needed to do something.

"I don't know," he sighed before lifting his head to the sky as if the stars held the answers. "This thing I feel for you..." He shook his head, not finishing his sentence.

_This thing he felt for me..._ no. No. Just fucking no. Don't even go there. We couldn't. _Fuck no_. "Tell me you hate me," I demanded, gazing at his face, begging. Desperate because my body would be volunteering any day now.

With his face still directed to the Heavens, he whispered to it, "I hate you... so much."

Good. This was good. Hate was good. Hate was normal for us and it was something familiar. I could deal with hate. In fact, we needed to keep reminding ourselves that we did.

"Grey, whatever it is you thought was going to happen, it'll never be," I breathed out. "I admit that I'm attracted to you..." _Distractedly_. "BUT that's all there is to it. Never think otherwise."

When I met his darkened gaze, I knew my words had sunk in. I wasn't quite sure if it was hurt that I saw there, yet I knew I had hit a nerve somewhere. He didn't even bother responding, he just rounded the car and went inside it, slamming it loudly. Glancing back, he just sat there, brooding in the dark, not bothering to turn on the engine. I held my breath before I grunted his name and followed his lead. Once he saw that I was heading his way, he started the engine. The second he heard the click of my seatbelt, we were off.

Silence was our thing, and even though I knew what I had done was the right thing, a part of me was saddened about it. Being attracted to a guy you loved to hate would do that to you. I had made promises to myself, though, and I would never break them; not even for Greyson. The smoldering sinner.

It didn't take long until we reached the dark house. Once we were parked and out of the car, I refrained from questioning him when he looked like he was walking me to the front door. It was odd but sweet—not to mention awkward—to be walked into a house that was practically his as well.

I was about to reach the door handle and push it open when I heard him say my name, making me spin around and look at him clearly. He was so close...

His scent was the kind that left a woman wanting. It lingered, making you crave... and cave. I wanted him... so much, but I couldn't... we just fucking couldn't.

"Liv?"

Nervously, I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah?" I waited patiently. Breathlessly.

He looked like he had something to say, though he seemed to be holding it back. His darkened eyes flickered back and forth, unsure. After a good minute of hesitation, he finally spoke, "Goodnight."

I sighed inwardly, disappointed. Regretful. "Goodnight." I nodded, hoping he'd say what he'd wanted to say, however, when he started walking backwards, I glanced at the car and back at him, putting two and two together. "You're going out? _Again?_ " Okay, I was making it obvious that I didn't want him to go anywhere. I couldn't help it, though. My mouth had gotten ahead of me... I hated when that happened.

He nodded, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Sexy hair. "Yeah. I guess I am."

"Where to? Can I come?" _Oh, yeah?_ _What the hell happened to distancing yourself from this man?_ Fuck. The thought of him with some other woman made my heart constrict. He couldn't be, could he? I mean, he had been practically all over me less than an hour ago.

He stopped pacing backwards, looking at me with such toe-curling intensity that it robbed me of my breathing. "I hate you, _remember_?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, wanting to kick myself for reminding us both of that fact. "Be safe?" I managed to say, but really, I wanted to insist on going wherever he was planning to go.

"Don't worry about me, Liv. I'll manage," he said before turning around and opening his car door. He gave me a quick, steady look before he then slid in and raced out of the driveway.

I got what I had wanted, and yet, I wanted to curl up and cry. I didn't know why I was reacting this way, however it was how I felt at the moment. I had never gotten myself into a predicament like this. I didn't know how to react or respond. How could I go on with the rest of my senior year living like this; with only a few feet between myself and him on a daily basis? How was I supposed to pretend that he didn't affect me, that he didn't wring me up like a pretzel; twisted and confused like a crazy girl with a bad, obsessive crush? Something had got to give; I had to do something to forget this insane, electrifying attraction I had to Greyson.

Taking my phone out, I shot Liam a message. I had to give him some piece of the truth. Something to set both of our alarm bells ringing.

Me: _I feel so sad right now. I miss the times when you and I were together. I feel confused, Liam... I think I'm starting to like someone... and I hate myself for it because there's only you... I love you._

If high school love life was this complicated, college life sure didn't look too bright. Nevertheless, as long as Liam and I always communicated, I hoped that what we had was strong enough to handle college drama.

Because, right now, it sure looked like I was having trouble finding a way to squash this problem.

## 15

# Liv

I woke up with a very vivid, borderline explicit kind of dream. It was so torrid that I had started clenching my thighs, heaving out of my chest as if that dream really had occurred, but that was all it had been, a damn dream of Grey and me hot and heavy.

_Him_ devouring my body while I was scratching his back, moaning and asking him for more. It had been scorching.

The dream had only made me more afraid because, subconsciously, I had let him in already. I was scared, and admitting that fact wasn't easy, but it was the truth. Pretending or denying it wouldn't change that. I didn't want anything to happen. No, not really.

My brain was so consumed with flashbacks running from my dream that it took me a good bit of time to register the loud, screeching noise of a crowd, laughing and having a good time. Partying.

"Great. How the fuck am I going back to sleep with this noise?" I asked sarcastically, groaning with annoyance that I had woken up to this shit. Then maybe I'd still be dreaming... my thoughts trailed off. Great.

Pushing the sheets off my warm body, I contemplated what to do. Should I try sleeping again or should I go downstairs and look for something to help me sleep?

Grey's parties were usually outside and in his pool house, so it was safe to assume that no one really was in the main house except me.

After a good five minutes weighing my options, I decided that I wanted to sleep it off with a sleep aid or alcohol. So, with my soft cotton matching cami and shorts, I trotted downstairs to get something to cure my ailment—hallucination.

The rooms were dark, so once I got to the oak bar, I had to switch on the light for my eyes to take in what available options I had.

Grey Goose. Exclusive champagne brands. Wines, red and white. Brandy. Tequila... My hand kept leaning in towards the first choice.

"Grey it is," I murmured, thinking about the man himself and not the drink as I reached out to get the coated bottled drink. Just when I was about to pull my choice of poison, Greyson came in unexpectedly through the garden double doors with his swimming shorts on and nothing more.

Fuck.

The guy from my dream looked so much better in flesh. My thoughts rendered themselves useless as my nipples perked up, tightening at the sight of him slowly striding towards me with purpose.

I stood unmoving, unblinking, as he moved closer towards me and didn't halt until he was a foot away breathing steadily.

"Olivia..." He said my name like it was a caress. He also didn't seem to be surprised to have found me around the bar, scouting for alcohol. In fact, he looked like he had been expecting me.

Which was beyond odd...

His cheeks were flushed and I could smell alcohol from his breath, but instead of making my stomach recoil, I seemed to want more of it. The thought of tasting his alcohol coated tongue made me bite the bottom of my lip. Yes, I was becoming a walking contradiction. I wanted him, and yet, I wished I didn't. I hated him, although my body adored him. It was push and pull with my body and my mind. It was exhausting, yet at the same time, it was exciting me.

These urges were bad... _sinful_.

God, help me.

"You're having a party," I said with sarcasm. "At two in the morning." It was the best I could do. Grey would never have guessed with the tone of my voice what I was imagining all the while he stood there looking like a fucking god.

A dream.

A perfect mortal.

_With liquid, fiery-gold eyes._

_If he wasn't such a playboy... or a careless idiot... maybe... FUCK_. I had to stop my thoughts. Toying on dangerous ground was one thing I didn't do casually.

"Why don't you join us?" he asked, dropping his eyes as if they had x-ray vision, slowly examining my barely-there, thin, white cotton nightwear. "I would love for you to join us." He threw out the invitation the second his eyes landed on mine.

Shit. Why did he sound like he was inviting me for something more x-rated? "I'm fine," I said lamely. "I'm going back to bed after taking a shot." _Or a few, whatever it takes to pass out like the dead._

His eyes flickered to the bottle I had my fingers wrapped around. "Grey?" he snickered, finding it amusing. Of course he found it funny. "I knew you'd like some Grey in you."

Damn him, but boy was he right on that score.

I was about to make some remark about his inane assumptions when he leaned over and reached out for a shot glass in one of the cabinets and told me to scoot over. Never mind the Grey. "I want tequila."

"Fickle, but okay. I won't begrudge you from having your drink." He hid a smile.

He looked too cute and sexy at the same time. The urge to lean against him and smell his skin was taking over me, so instead, I picked on my nails, needing something to do.

"What are you doing?" I knew what he was getting to, but I said it anyway.

He didn't glance at me as he took the bottle away from my hand and twisted it open. "Preparing your shots, what else."

"I can do it."

He shook his head before he opened the cabinet and took the salt bottle. Each move that he made was taken in by me like I was studying a specimen. He was graceful in a manly kind of way. A big part of me wanted to talk about what had happened earlier in the mountain top incident, but I was afraid if I started it, I might not like how it would end.

I found it bizarre, this situation we were in, that we seemed to be reveling in each other, and yet...

"Ready?" he interrupted my thoughts.

"Uhmm." I licked my lips when I saw him suck his thumb that had a drop of alcohol on it. A gasp of shock immediately escaped from me when I saw him dip his middle finger inside the tequila-filled shot glass and then glide that finger from his chest all the way down until it reached the end of his shorts, past his ridged six-pack. If that wasn't shocking enough, he then brazenly took the saltshaker and sprinkled the liquid line straight to sacred hell with it.

Fuck.

Me.

_Good?_

Shit. I had no comeback for this; I just couldn't form a word. Not a fucking one!

Still frozen in shock and tingling all over from his display of alcohol-porn, I groaned when he pulled a bit of his shorts and placed the shot glass there before he magically produced a slice of lime out of nowhere, holding it as he waited for me to say something—complain, or maybe to tell him to fuck off—but I was stuck in a place where I felt like I was being challenged, and at the same time, thrilled at doing something out of the ordinary; well, for me anyway. I was sure this fucker did it all the damn time.

"Ready to be on fire, Olivia?" he taunted with a serious tone.

Fire... that was it. _He_ was fire. I was contemplating if I should get burnt or char-roasted. Either way, I was going to feel the burn. I just hoped that, if I went through with this little foreplay, I wouldn't go up in smoke and get swallowed up with flames.

"You didn't have to go through being salted up for my benefit. I like simplicity." Meaning I didn't have to lick you, dammit. What the shit?

He snickered. "Where's the fun in that? Try to live a little; you might like it."

Live a little... I was fucking living. "What are you implying? _That I'm boring?_ " I fumed, wanting to stomp the cocky smirk off his face.

"Everyone knows your beautiful, but let's face it, you're kind of vanilla when it comes to excitement," he stated in a matter of fact tone. "You don't want to be that forty-year-old mother that parties at clubs because you didn't go through the real process of fun when you were younger, do you?"

I had dated before I met Liam. A lot. Even the men I didn't do anything with spread rumors about how easy I was, but in fact, they barely got a kiss from me, if at all. Apart from that, Greyson had a point. I needed to live a little. Just a tad.

With my nostrils flaring, I took the bait. "Bring it on, fucker!"

"That's the spirit." He gave me a boyish grin. "First, you lick me off. _Then,_ milk me good before you suck me dry."

Perverted idiot! Did everything have to deal with sex with him? "I don't need instructions. I know my way around," I snapped at him. This challenge was going to cost me, though damned if I would back out of it; even if it killed me. "Just shut your mouth."

_Damn_ , I thought as I studied his torso with alarm. The salted route was too long, but I was going to get this over with and sleep like a damn baby.

_Fuck it_ , were the last words I thought as I closed the gap between us. I didn't dare look at him, so I concentrated on the task first; his torso. All the while I knew that he was watching me.

Since he was taller than I was, I had to grip the bar end before I tiptoed to reach his chest. I didn't even wait a beat before I stuck my tongue out and slowly trailed lower. When I went past his chest, I heard him moan which in turn made me pause before continuing again. The tip of my tongue licked that middle line in between his hard-lined ridges and stopped when I reached the end of the band of his shorts where my shot was strategically placed.

Sucking the saltiness that pooled in my mouth, my teeth bit the brim of the glass, pulling it out without hardship before tipping it over until it emptied.

The lime was in between his teeth. Even though he was taking his bait a little further in, I wasn't going to back down. Immediately, I tiptoed some more to bite off the slice of lime, but was surprised when he didn't let go of it, so I had to suck it off with his teeth holding it for me.

It felt erotic... _intimate_ , and when I felt our lips brush against each other, I squirmed as I tasted the sour flavor of the juice, sucking it until there was nothing left. When I slowly pulled away from him, he instantly dropped the lime on the floor and smoothly took my lips, arresting me without hesitation, pinning me against the wall behind me with a hard push. The impact itself added to the thrill of being in his arms.

It happened so fast and so quick that I barely had the time to respond to his hungered, impassioned kiss, let alone think at all.

His kiss was scorching. Piercing. Exquisite. Elemental.

And before I knew it, I was responding to his fevered kisses. Both of my hands cupped the back of his head as my fingers gripped his hair and scalp, kissing him just as hard as he was kissing me. His hips pushed against mine before his hands pulled me upwards, still pinning me against the wall as he gradually lifted each of my legs, guiding them to hang on to him, giving him all the power.

"Olivia—" he grunted out in a harsh, hungered tone.

His large hand cupped my breast, squeezing it so hard that I yelped in pain and pleasure. He was rough. He was sweet. He was consuming. And my body hadn't known such raw passion. I felt like we were spinning out of control.

I didn't know the extent of how smooth and experienced he was until I felt something nudging in between my thighs. This time, I knew he didn't have a single scrap of clothing on because this thing was trying to break though my thin cotton shorts with such force that I knew it would break the stitching soon if he kept on going this way. My shorts were soaking wet and the charged, riveting beauty my body was being exposed to at the moment was clouding my judgment.

He felt magnificent. Proud. Provoked like a charged bull that was ready to break free and go ballistic on his target.

And I was the waving red flag, unsure if I was ready to be torn to pieces.

## 16

# Grey

> Olivia...
> 
> Olivia—
> 
> Olivia.

I was going crazy, livid with this strong, desperate need to have her. Taste her. God, how I wanted to taste her.

All night I had studied her dark window, hoping she'd wake up from the noise, and when I'd gotten my wish, I had timed myself to enter the main house when I knew she would be downstairs. I was expecting her to be in the kitchen, though, not at the bar.

At first, her intentions hadn't gone along with what I'd had in mind the second I saw her trying to choose a drink, but it had been a great opportunity and I always lived on the edge, so I had tested her out to see if I could get her to do what I wanted.

And now I was kissing her.

Finally, after all these years of wanting her, I was possessing what I had ached for. She was all melted sweetness; rough, and yet, ready to be savored. She was all that I'd ever hoped for.

Her soft moans and short breaths made me want to bury myself all the way inside her soft, warm heat. I wanted to watch her face as I took control of her body, letting me drive it hard, pounding raw sex, until we were out of consciousness.

I wanted her so badly that, had she asked me anything, I was willing to give it up, but thank goodness it didn't come to that. Her surrender was unexpected. I thought that I was at least going to see her fight me off, but she'd kissed me back in the same hungered kind of way that I was obliterating her mouth.

She knew how to get me fired up, gearing towards an unknown place where I hadn't been before; somewhere dangerous but magical at the same time. I found it beautiful.

_Damn it was fucking beautiful_.

However I wanted more, so much more. I longed to see this beauty slowly unfold for me, blooming gradually, giving me her all, giving me everything she had until I'd consumed her whole.

Everything. I was ready to consume every last thing.

Self-control was slipping away. It was almost non-existent when the tip of my dick felt the heat of her entrance. Pushing it against her, I wanted her clothing to rip apart, welcoming me in. Roughly, I shoved the top of her cami underneath her breasts, which were shaking each time I thrust. Then, groaning out a pained sound, I captured her dusky pink nipple in between my lips and slightly tugged at it. "Give me everything, Liv. I need you so much." The sound of her shorts giving the sharp, unmistakable sound of being slowly ripped apart at the seams only made me go out of my mind.

_Any second now, I can have her..._

"We can't keep going." Her voice broke into my thoughts. "Please."

The pleading in her voice tugged at my heart, making me stop all of my actions. I was breathing heavily from going over a hundred miles per second to all of a sudden the emergency break was being pulled. I wanted to ask why, but my eyes must have questioned her enough because she simply gave me the answer without me having to ask.

"This is getting out of control. We can't want each other this way. Brett, my mom..." Her face frowned, seeking my understanding. "I'm so sorry," she finished.

We felt so good together, though. In fact, I hadn't felt this with anyone. Olivia tasted like something different... and I wasn't ready to stop. "Let's take it slowly. Let's take it however you want, but don't push me away. I want you too much to pretend anymore." _Please_ , I wanted to add, although I think my tone already had the word all over it.

"I don't know how. Liam, and everyone else—"

Fuck them all. "I don't give a rat's ass about Liam," I grunted out. "But as for the rest, who fucking cares? This is between you and me. What's the harm in getting to know each other a little better? I don't want to stop. I want to keep kissing you." My lips lightly tasted her. "We don't have to answer to anyone, but if it makes you feel better, I'll keep my mouth shut about you and me. I want a clean slate. With you." Liam was in Australia. I had the rest of senior year to prove her wrong, that I wasn't all that bad. As for the rest, I was leaving it to the stars to dictate our future. "Keep me."

"Grey..." She looked unsure. "What if one of us gets hurt?"

Then fuck it. "I'm willing to risk it," I breathed out, not willing to back down. I had never wanted anything this bad in my life, and for a change, there was something that got my blood thriving other than my usual adrenaline fix from speed. I was not letting up, not by a fucking mile.

"But you might end up resenting me... and—"

She needed me to say it, I knew. "I already hate you, so there's no harm of that happening."

She bit her lip, leaning in closer, tempted as her nose touched the tip of my own. "Oh, God... what the hell am I doing..." she moaned. "You're too much. I don't know if I can handle you—"

I silenced her with my kiss; softly, gently. "We'll take it slow. There's no pressure on you, just don't shut me out. You call the shots; I promise." It was a big promise, but shit, I would've promised anything she wanted.

"I call the shots," she repeated my words. "Don't make me regret this, Greyson." She sought my eyes, needing me to assure her.

"Promise." _For you, I'll try to be good... for you, Olivia..._

Kissing her neck, I breathed her in. I wasn't sure if this was the best time to keep on going and pick up where we'd left off. Olivia had the steering wheel, so if she was uncomfortable pursuing getting physical with me, then I had no choice other than to bow down to her decisions, even if my cock was protesting wildly.

My needs—the physical ones—could be taken care of in the shower later. As for the rest of my needs, I was satisfied because she'd agreed to give me a chance; a shot. I was going to make her see that I wasn't all about sex. That I could be more than that.

"Don't look down," I whispered before slowly pulling my pants up. Once I knew that I was decent, I looked back to see if the party was still going. It was, however I didn't want to leave Olivia.

Cupping her cheek, my eyes bore into her vivid blue ones. "Let me take you upstairs. I don't want guys seeing you dressed like this." Her "simple" nightwear was somehow indecent because her breasts were easily seen if you stared at it long enough.

"Thanks, Grey."

Guiding her towards the stairs, I held her by the hip and strolled silently until we reached her bedroom door. The urge to kiss her again was strong, but I didn't want to push it too far. I was leaving it all up to her. Thinking like a good guy sucked, yet at the same time, I only needed a little patience to get her to trust me, then maybe—hopefully—things would smooth out and she would be mine.

Clearing my throat, I reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I guess this is goodnight." Her hand was soft and very feminine, the total opposite of my rough, calloused ones from working on my car and the other careless things guys did.

"You don't want to go in?" she hesitantly asked.

Did she really want me inside? _On her bed?_ She trusted me not to touch her intimately? "I don't think that's a great idea. After downstairs, I'm not too sure if I can handle being next to you." I sure as hell didn't trust me. "I have to get back downstairs anyway; they might be wondering what's taking me so long to get some wine."

She shifted her feet, looking away then back at me. "Why don't you come back after you're done partying?" She licked her lips. "I'm not going to have sex with you, but if you're okay with that, then I'd like it if you slept in my bed tonight."

Did she assume that I was going to fuck someone else after what had just happened? Crazy girl.

Cradling both of her cheeks, I kissed her deep. "I'd love to sleep next to you, Olivia Taylor."

One hour later, I was still grinning like an idiot as I drank my last bottle of beer. Tonight had turned out better than expected.

People were wondering what had gotten me in a good mood since I had been acting like a bear with a sore head before I had gone inside to get more alcohol and then had come back out smiling and playful almost an hour later. Even though I wanted to celebrate and tell everybody why I was so fucking happy, I knew that I couldn't. I had made a promise and I was going to stick to it, even if it killed me.

"You won the lottery or somethin'? You're lookin' fishy, man," Jet muttered as he opened another bottle for himself.

"Nah." I tried to look serious. "Just having fun, nothing more." I avoided the subject, hoping he'd drop it.

He gave me a suspicious look, though. The SOB knew me too well. "Uh-huh. _Really fishy_. Stinkin', rotten fishy fish, I say."

"Fuck off, dude! Just back the fuck off," I grunted out. He knew better than to push this stupid subject after that. This was closed for discussion. It was between Olivia and me. No one else.

The party lasted another hour and I had to basically kick everyone out even then. I didn't want Olivia waiting, and I hoped to God that she was fast asleep. What really got me going, however, was how excited I was to go to my first sleepover.

I had never thought sleeping next to someone was exciting, but this was Olivia we were talking about. Anything about her got me excited. I was a sad excuse for a sprung puppy, yet fuck, I was fucking sprung. Pussy whipped like never before.

Taking my time, I went inside my place and showered before joining her in the main house. My usual quick showers lasted longer. I wasn't jacking-off or anything—not like the thought hadn't crossed my mind—I was more... _nervous?_

Given the excitement still humming in my blood, I was afraid that I was going to mess this up, and I badly wanted everything to go well. I guess my thoughts dwelled on the things I shouldn't do tonight. I mean, come the fuck on, we would be sharing a bed. A thousand things could go wrong from that alone.

Wearing only light sweatpants and a white shirt, I left my place and anxiously made my way towards the other house. Quietly, I let myself in the double doors and sighed at the sound of stillness that greeted me inside. Was she sleeping? I guess I would know very soon.

Our parents were arriving tomorrow afternoon; guess we'd worry about that later on; if things worked out between us.

Climbing up the steps, I had to tell myself to calm the fuck down because I was way too fucking nervous. If I went inside her bedroom like this, she might think I was on something. And fuck no, I wasn't high. Though it had been passed around earlier at the party, I hadn't touched that shit. Not tonight. I needed my senses on full alert. I needed to remember everything.

Staring at her door handle, it took me a good thirty second pause before I finally opened that damn thing. If Jet could've seen me, how I stared at that thing, he probably would've thought I had started meditating or something. The idea actually made me smirk as I stepped into her comfort zone, which was dark with no light on.

" _Grey?_ Is that you?" she whispered in the dark.

Her sleepy voice made me smile. She was waiting for me. I liked that. In fact, I liked it very much.

"It's me," I murmured, going over to her bed. I knew my way around so it didn't take me that long to join her.

I almost let out a moan when I felt her body sag against mine, spooning into me and fitting my body like a glove. She felt so delicate, so precious, and for some odd reason, I just wanted to protect her, hold her for as long as I could.

"Goodnight, sweet Olivia." I kissed her behind her neck, wanting to sleep with her forever.

"Thanks for coming..." she dozily murmured, the words trailing off.

_Sleepy head_. "Always." Baby, count me for always.

I listened to her sleep, taking everything in with enthusiasm. Everything was so new to me; cuddling wasn't my thing—well, the women cuddled me, not the other way around—and it felt good to hold someone and listen to them dream away.

Here's hoping that she was thinking about me and not him. Well, fuck that Aussie guy. She was here now, with me, and nothing else fucking mattered.

"You are definitely _here with me_ ," I whispered against her skin before closing my eyes, drowning in her warmth.

## 17

# Liv

_" Is it true? That you kissed Greyson Edwards yesterday right after I told you that he was my boyfriend?" I questioned one of my third grade best friends, Edith._

_Rumors were spreading around and I wanted to make sure they were right before I started accusing her._

_"I liked him first, Olivia." Edith glared at me, folding her arms across her chest, pissed off. "He was my crush and you took him from me."_

_What was she talking about? All three of us did, even Josie._

_"But he likes me. He told me so himself!"_

_She shrugged. "It doesn't matter now. He's mine," she said it like he was some piece of property or something. "If you try to take him away, I'm going to spread rumors about your parents and how they sleep in separate rooms!" she threatened._

_The moment she mentioned my parents, I knew I had lost the argument. Edith was my friend, but for a boy—a boy we all liked—she became my enemy. So I promised that I would never, under any circumstances, break my promise to her._

_Even though I broke it off with Greyson through a short letter, throughout middle school he tried to catch my attention and tried to apologize hundreds of times, but each and every time, I got reminded of their betrayal as well as that threat Edith made about my parents. She knew my family, so who knew what else she had up her sleeve?_

_It wasn't until freshmen year that I really started hating Greyson. During art class, he sat ahead of me. So when he started carving Winnie the Pooh, I knew right then and there that he was trying to mess with me. Each project that we did, he would make something that related to the past. He got creative. Roses with dramatic thorns stuck with poop. My initials of O and T with evil horns in them._

_It wasn't until that last week of school during our class when he indirectly spoke to me. He said, "Kissing all the frogs won't make you a princess. It only makes you pathetic."_

_I went on two dates that week where I kissed a boy in one and all of a sudden, rumors were spreading that I was giving it up for everyone. I was nicknamed bookworm slut from then on._

_For a while, I tried to ignore him and the constant companionship he had with Edith, but when a picture of Edith surfaced, naked with Grey on top of her, that made me loathe them more. It was just like looking at two selfish people, rutting with their need for sex and not caring what others thought of them, that really sealed it for me._

_Grey's taunts never ceased through the years. We bickered constantly, but each and every time, Edith would give me those death stares that held threats about spreading lies about my family._

_She had only issued that one vital threat, yet it held me in check._

It took a good minute to realize that I wasn't in bed alone. Well, if the warm breath hitting the back of my ear wasn't indicator enough, Grey's body caging me in was, making me unable to move without having to lift his heavy arm, which was conveniently located right below my breasts.

"Did you sleep well?" a soft, sleepy, husky voice whispered into my ear, sending goosebumps all over my body.

Oh, God, could a guy sound this sexy first thing in the morning? Well, Grey did. His appeal knew no bounds. It was obscene. "I did..." I smiled, still hiding from him. Morning breath kills and I didn't plan on killing anyone yet.

He softly groaned behind me. "You feel really good..." His thumb travelled around my belly area before it found a spot where my skin was exposed. Stroking it softly with his left thumb, he sent ripples of pleasure all over me, making me forget about everything other than him; his scent, his voice, his warmth, and his hard delicious body...

"Grey," I moaned, fighting this intense, deep need to kiss him. I was silently scolding myself for not running into the bathroom quick enough to brush my teeth—or even gargle my bad breath away—and then jump back in bed for a good heavy-petting session.

His lips were softly nipping on my lobe while his breathing became labored. "Can I get you anything for breakfast? I make amazing cereal," he joked, making me melt some more.

I giggled like an idiot. _Damn you, did you have to be so adorable, too?_ "I love cereal." This was too good to be true. Was this really happening? I wanted to pinch myself just to make sure that this wasn't a cruel dream out to taunt me subconsciously.

His arm tugged me closer against his chest. "Olivia, Olivia, Olivia..." he tsk-tsked. "I'm still keeping my promise, but I just want you to know that if it weren't for that, you'd be right underneath me, legs apart and open. I would be looking into your eyes while I slowly—oh so fucking slowly—making this hot body all mine."

_Holy Bejesus_. I gulped some air into my lungs. Too freaking much. I was dying...

His powerful arms rolled me over to where his tiger eyes were on me, intense and wild, as they roved over my face. "I want you... but I also want you to trust me."

For some reason, I did want to trust him. To believe in him and his words; his promises. "I'd want that, too."

He took a full minute to study my face before his lips broke into an easy smile. "Meet me downstairs after you freshen up? I want to kiss you, but I have a feeling you're not going to like that." His eyes twinkled. "But I'm going to do it anyway just for kicks." His lips took mine, kissing me softly. "See you in a little bit, Pooh."

He left with a mischievous grin on his face while I held myself back from begging him to stay in bed and cuddle me like I was the only thing that mattered in his life. That sudden thought surprised me. Since when did I want things from Greyson?

Never. So I'd better not start with this 'cause I couldn't afford the consequences. Too much was at stake.

In the meantime, though, I could enjoy and have fun. That way, my senior year would fly by, and before I knew it, it would be time to pack my things and move across the world to follow what I had dreamed of.

Ignoring my phone, I went straight to the bathroom and started getting ready to meet him downstairs. I didn't want to read any messages from Mom or Liam. I could deal with them later. For now, I was going to focus on the right now, which was brushing my teeth and looking presentable.

I decided on wearing faded jean shorts and a sleeveless, loose, baby-blue shirt. It was comfy and yet still showed a great amount of skin. My hair was tied up with a slim, white ribbon on the back of my nape. It provoked the thought of demure, however my clothes would suggest otherwise.

Barefoot, I stealthily made my way downstairs, feeling shy and exhilarated to see him again. It was odd how we had slept the entire night together, and yet, he didn't cop a feel. I'd know because, well, I was in and out of sleep, thinking that he might just be tempted because it was Greyson Edwards sleeping with me in bed. I mean, everyone knew that this man kept you awake, drunk off his charms and even more charming bedroom skills.

We shared a bowl of cereal that was a mixture of Cheerios and Lucky Charms. He spoon-fed me like a little kid. He even went as far as doing that dumb airplane feeding thing.

"If you're going to keep this up, I'm just going to get my own bowl," I threatened, pouting.

"Aww, here you go, baby girl." His eyes were trained on me, trying to hold back a laugh as he fed me again.

Opening my mouth, I felt a drizzle of milk on the side of my lip. Grey leaned close, sticking out his tongue, licking all the milk off before devouring my lips. He tasted sweet just the way I liked it.

In the background, I could hear him setting the bowl aside before bringing me on his lap. "Milk on your lips... Fuck," he groaned. "I couldn't help thinking—hoping—that it was mine."

Mother fucker, his illicit thoughts sent my body into a crazy haze. I wanted it and I didn't. The fight to push further and explore what Grey could give me—show me—was too much for my brain and body to comprehend. Images of what he probably pictured in his own head made me clench my thighs together.

"I love tasting you, but I have to stop. Dad just texted me that they'll be back around lunchtime."

That was in a couple of hours. Or less.

"How do we do this?" Could we keep this between the two of us? What if we got caught? Will Brett and Mom be furious? It wouldn't look good if others knew...

"Don't worry; it'll be okay." He caressed my cheek before planting kisses on my furrowed brows. "This will be our secret, for as long as you want it to be."

Why wasn't he freaking out? Men and their laid back approach in life were admirable and infuriating at the same time.

"Our secret." I kissed him for the last time. "Now off you go back to your place because I have homework to do. Besides, I need space to think of other things."

He nipped my lips, smiling. "But I like looking at you like this, as if I had done all the bad things I had in my mind with you all night long." His arms held me around the hips, tightening his hold.

If they came home early, would he be around? "Are you going somewhere later?" He usually was never home during weekends. Except when he threw parties.

"I'm heading over to Jet's pad," he said, looking at me. "Is that okay with you?" He studied me closely.

_Will he have girls over?_ The thought popped out of nowhere. "You don't have to ask. It's not like you're my boyfriend or anything."

He stayed silent, tiger eyes turning into molten lava in a heartbeat. It was magnificent to look at. It was as hypnotizing as the very man himself.

"Are you looking for one?" he managed to ask, breaking my hypnosis.

Confused, I frowned. "Looking for what?"

"A boyfriend."

Why was he asking me that? Did he think that I was? Was he going to set boundaries about women being too clingy? I wasn't the clingy type. Besides, this was physical. "I'm not. Don't worry. You can still live your life. I won't bother you much."

He looked serious. "I don't have any restrictions?" he asked in a whisper, but it was with a tone that held something I couldn't pinpoint.

We were makeout buddies. What was there to restrict? What did he want me to say anyway? That he could still screw around? Right now, he didn't look too friendly and I hated that. "You can do whatever you like, Greyson. I'm not stopping you from anything."

"That's nice to know." He sounded anything other than nice.

I licked my lips. "Yeah." He was too intense and I felt too much.

Closing my eyes, I dropped my head to the side, angling for his lips, initiating a kiss. My kiss was gentle, and for a second there, I thought that he wouldn't accept it. It took him a good minute to respond, but when he did, his kiss lacked the fire it usually held.

Was something the matter? "Did I say something to make you angry?" I voiced, hating that our kiss had missed something.

He shook his head, kissing me on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight."

"After you get back from Jet's?"

He nodded.

"What time will that be?" I wanted to sleep early since tomorrow was a school day.

"I can't say, but I'll say goodnight now, too." He sounded detached, like that impassioned man from last night was only a figment of my imagination.

Nodding, I moved off his lap, feeling confused that his attitude had changed so abruptly. "Okay. Be safe," I said, not looking at him as I gathered the cereal bowl. A moan escaped me when I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind.

He kissed the soft spot below my neck. "There won't be a second today that I won't be thinking of you."

His words comforted me.

In a flash, he left me there still wondering what the heck was going to happen with us.

I tried to do homework, but my mind wasn't in it. I kept rehashing what had happened last night, and my mind was still with Greyson when our parents arrived.

Since Brett had some last minute work to do in the study, Mom and I went out for a late lunch. We spoke about my plans for college and what I wanted to do afterwards. I was going to major in psychology and I planned to pursue a Masters degree in psychiatry thereafter.

Even with my scholarship, my tuition fees were still going to be costly. Mom was a dental hygienist, and she and my dad hadn't put money aside for college, so they both would split the costs until I could afford to do it myself. My plan was to work while studying, but Mom insisted that I should focus in school and not get distracted; so did my dad.

I was grateful for the both of them. I knew we weren't made of money like the rest of the people around us—like Greyson and Josie—but we were a tight unit, even if they were separated. Mom and Dad always put me first, and I would always be grateful for that. Forever.

My future had been mapped out. As long as I didn't lose focus, everything would work out in my favor.

Liam left me messages, however I hadn't gone through them yet because I didn't know a reply to them. Once I had the answer, I planned to answer his questions accordingly. I wasn't pushing him away, but I needed time to get used to things, and maybe then I would get the courage to face the questions he had for me.

Liam and I had a passionate relationship. What I liked about us was how we always managed to talk things out without yelling at each other. It was a mature relationship, and I liked that a lot. That was why I knew things would work out with him because we were both alike.

We knew what we wanted in life, and we liked the same things. Once I got back in Sydney, we were going to work things out again just as we had planned.

For the rest of the afternoon, I kept myself occupied. From schoolwork to catching up on my reading materials, cleaning my room and then rearranging my bedroom furniture to make it more... me. By the time I was done, it was time for dinner with Brett and Mom. Greyson was still out.

Brett barbequed some steaks and Mom made cornbread and salad. We were five minutes into the meal when Brett started talking to me.

"How are you finding things, Liv? How's your room?"

Shit. Why was he grilling me now? What did I do wrong? Maybe he was just being nice? I didn't fucking know. "It's great, thanks. My room here is bigger than what I had before, so that's always great." I looked over to Mom, asking for her help here—something—but she was too busy with her food.

He nodded. "Good. Good." He nodded again. "Your mom and I were thinking..." he started, making me think of bad scenarios. _Please don't tell me you're planning to get married_. I'd shoot my own foot if those words came out of his mouth. "...of getting you your own car," he finished with a kind face.

Shit. Okay. Wait—my own car? What? "I don't think that's in our budget right now. My college tuition is a lot—"

He reached out for my mom's hand, holding it. "Don't worry; I'll take care of the costs. Your mom here told me the same thing, but I want to help." He paused. "I plan to stay, if your mom will let me, and I would love to be a part of your life, too, as well as everything in it—the good and bad—expenses included."

Jesus. "You guys aren't saying that you're going to get married or anything, right?" _Please tell me no_ , I silently begged.

Mom shook her head. "I think we're both happy with what we have now. Maybe down the road we'll think about it, but for now, we're just happy to be... _happy._"

Happiness all around, especially me since there was no way in hell that I planned on kissing a stepbrother. Double fucking eww.

As for the car, it was a great thought. "I don't mind sharing a ride with Greyson, unless it's cramping his style that is." Did he say something to his dad? Was this why he was offering me a damn car? Shit. I didn't consider that angle.

"I'm sure Grey doesn't mind, but I want you to be comfortable. If buying you a brand new car makes you uncomfortable, how about you use one of my spare cars in the garage?" he offered, taking a bite off his steak.

Okay, I suppose borrowing wasn't all that bad. "I guess I could deal with that," I agreed.

He beamed, nodding. "Great, I'll let my son know. He has all the keys to them anyway."

I was sure he did. My excitement at getting my own ride, though borrowed, somewhat died when it was past midnight and Greyson was still not home.

I wanted to text him, but my mind willed me to stop acting like a lovesick idiot and stick to my guns. Clingy women didn't get anywhere, and I sure as hell wouldn't start being one of those now.

## 18

# Liv

I was in a dream with clouds, a bed and Greyson right with me. The dream was so vivid that I could feel everything, as if it were real.

"Olivia..." he whispered. "Olivia..." His hand went inside my shirt, reaching for my breast before pinching my nipple, waking me up.

Moaning his name, I pressed my breast against his warm, big hand, wanting more of his touch.

"I came to say my goodnight," he murmured, softly biting my neck.

Goodnight was the last thing my body craved. In fact, I wanted him to touch me. All over. Then I remembered that he'd come home late. "What took you so long?"

"I was out with Jet and them. We ended up having a beach party around Zuma beach and it lasted late."

Jet and them. _Who was them?_ And why wasn't I invited? "Are you drunk?"

He laughed. "Only a little."

"Our parents are home," I managed to squeak when his palm teased my aroused nipple in a circular motion while he spooned me without hiding the fact that his member was poking my butt.

He groaned, "So am I." His other hand snaked below, squeezing my ass before grabbing it to slam against his hardness. "I want a homerun, baby."

Grey was drunk and had no self-control. Was he always this horny? What about earlier? I bet he was worse earlier, which only made me wonder how he had taken care of that.

"I don't trust you yet."

He groaned, grinding me hard. "Let me taste you. I need something of you. Don't turn me cold, Liv."

"Not yet." I hesitated.

"Okay," he breathed out. He reached for my hand and guided me against his rock hard state constrained by his pants. "Squeeze it hard. Just once."

I did. It made him rumble my name out. He was so hard, I was sure he was hurting. I did this to him? I affected him this much? "I want to help out, but I don't want to have sex with you yet. It's too early." And I wasn't so sure I was ready for that with him. Things were moving way too fast.

"Then I won't fuck you, but help me release this tension. I'm dying," he grunted out.

My mouth ran dry. How far did I want this to go? That was the question.

"Do you trust me enough to take everything off except your underwear?"

Did I? I guess I did because I didn't protest when he took my shirt off. His eyes were wild as he took my aroused nipples. He didn't initiate taking my shorts off, but my hands were possessed; they were happy to do his bidding.

It was dark, yet it was light enough for him to make out my near nakedness. "Fuuuck," he breathed out.

He was on his knees as his eyes set my body on fire. When his eyes met mine, even in the dark, I knew a lot of things were going through his mind. One of them was hesitation. Throat bobbing up and down, he held my gaze. "I don't trust myself. I might force you to do something you wouldn't want to do. I don't want to put you through that."

He was being noble after he'd told me to strip down leaving my underwear on. I should be happy that he was hesitating, but he was right. He sure as heck didn't look like he could control himself. He looked too wild. Too beastly. Animalistic.

Taking his shirt off, it gave me a glimpse of his hot body before he slid it over my exposed one. "At least something of mine is touching your body." He smirked, eyeing me with affection. "I like the thought of you sleeping with my shirt on."

If he could see me clearly, he'd know that I was blushing from head to foot. How did he manage to make me pant one second and giggle the next? He sure had a way with women.

"Sorry to wake you. I hope you're not mad at me." He was still kneeling, looking like he was afraid to touch me even when I was clothed with his shirt.

I shook my head, pulling my weight up so I could sit and at least meet his gaze halfway. I wanted to see him clearly. "I was worried. Thanks for waking me up." In fact, I liked that he came here. I could get used to his physical goodnight routine.

"I should go."

He should, but I wanted another kiss. "Not until you kiss me goodnight, Grey."

He grinned, looking like the sex god that he was. "Yeah? I like how you're thinking here. This is my kind of delaying tactic."

I was a fast learner. I sighed before reaching out to the back of his nape and bringing his face to mine, kissing him as if he was the only thing that mattered. Maybe, for now, he was enough...

"Fuck," he said in between kisses. "I have to go or else—"

I cut him off. "Or else what?" I pulled him back on the mattress, wanting to continue where we'd left off.

"Fucking shit, Liv." He broke the kiss, panting like an animal that had been running for miles. "You're sweet torture." He cupped my face, making me close my eyes, hoping to catch my own breath. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Damn, he really was leaving. I didn't want to sleep alone, but I knew if we needed to keep up with appearances, we had to be careful. "Dream sweet, Grey."

He kissed me lightly on the cheek, saying goodnight. "It's always sweet when you're in it."

Geez, smooth talker much? I rolled my eyes, but grinned. What could I say, the man did have a way of turning women into giggling morons.

"Don't miss me too much." Were his parting words, making me absentmindedly lift his shirt to my nostrils to smell him around my body.

God, his smell, I could sleep smelling him this way. It was getting pathetic. Since when did I start getting all sentimental about men anyway? Nevertheless, I slept like a baby, feeling like he was right here with me.

What bothered me most was how I didn't picture Liam as I usually did before I went into a deep slumber. If alarm bells weren't ringing loud enough yet, they should be. I knew I had to find a way to slow this progression somehow.

The next morning, I was surprised to find Greyson leaning against a white sports car, dangling a key with his finger.

"I chose a car for you." He nodded towards the car. "This baby will take you for a good, wild ride." His tone held a lot of underlined meaning. He was already teasing.

"You know I like wild rides." I raised my brow at him then at the car. Nervousness washed over me. It was a white Porsche, too expensive for my taste. The thought of grazing the paint, or maybe even worse—like if I crashed it—ran through my head. How in God's name would I pay Brett back? I would be in debt for years. "But this is too much for me. Is there a four-door vehicle I can drive without worrying about the price tag every second?"

He went over to me then stopped midway. I knew he wanted to touch me, however he was stopping himself. Our parents were still home, so his game face was still on. "Stop worrying about that, Olivia." He handed me the keys. "I don't know how you drive, so I'll follow. Is that good? I want to make sure you can handle it, that's all."

How could they trust me with this? Were they crazy? Sure I was a reasonable driver, but shit... this was too much. Besides, I didn't want people to think that I was milking their generosity for all it was worth. "I don't think that's good. Please, can I just ride with you? Or I'll call Josie if that is too much—"

"Just say thank you and stop worrying."

I bit down on my lip. "It's not that easy."

He gave me a reassuring smile, encouraging me. "Try."

I stared at the keys that were in my hand, then at the pricey car, then back at him.

He reached out on the side of my arm and squeezed it tight. "I want to kiss you right now, so please, don't look so worried. I might not care that they're still home if you keep pouting like that."

He looked too good to be true, and from his facial expression, I knew he wasn't joking. "Okay, we can try for today," I conceded.

After getting a bottled orange juice for the two of us from the kitchen, we made our way to school with him following closely behind me.

As for the car, well, powerful came to mind. It was a beast to drive, yet I was its master. I felt sexy and powerful at the same time. When we came to a stop light, Grey was right next to me, gesturing me to roll down my windows. "Yeah?"

"How's the drive?" he yelled out.

I smiled, sliding my hand over the leather handle. "It's fine." Super fine. I could get spoiled from all of this, but I wouldn't let that happen.

"That's great." He looked over the street, checking the stop light that was still red. "One more thing, try not to flirt with guys around me. I might not be able to hold back."

Was he for real? I didn't flirt. "I'll try."

He scowled.

"Very hard," I added on, smiling some more. Who knew that Greyson Edwards was a bit of a territorial man? I liked this side of him. It made me feel... something.

"Don't fuck with me, Liv."

Who said anything about fucking? "In case you forgot, Greyson, we haven't done any fucking yet." I winked at him, glancing at the now green light. "See you in a little bit." I gave him a quick wave before I sped off ahead of him.

Bantering with him was fun. The only un-fun part was that we had to tiptoe around our parents. He would only be able to come to me at night, waking me up, or perhaps sometimes I'd wait up for him. Our nightly kisses were something I looked forward to.

Jet was throwing a party on Saturday and I couldn't wait to have some alone time with him. Even though we had spent the night kissing in my room, I hated the feeling of sneaking around.

I was hoping he'd take me back to that plateau, up in the mountains again.

Yes, Saturday couldn't come soon enough.

## 19

# Liv

I wasn't an aspiring photographer or anything, but over the years, I enjoyed taking peculiar pictures. I then developed them and stuffed them in a box. At times, I looked over them and imagined what their life story might be.

Smiling, I thought about all the candid photos I had taken half an hour earlier. I'd just come back from a walk, taking pictures of the farmer's market, when my mom called me. I was only a few steps away from the driveway when I picked up the phone.

"Hey, Mom! Are we still up for lunch at the Corner Bakery?" I greeted her as I held my camera that was wrapped around my neck before I inserted my hand in my pocket to fish out my keys to the house.

"Uh, sure, but honey, are you on your way home?" She sounded strained, breathless even.

Mighty weird.

"I'm outside. I just need to wash my face and freshen up then we can go for lunch," I rushed out, knowing how my mother hated it when I lagged at getting ready.

She cleared her throat. "No, I need to see you right away. We're in the living room. See you in a bit." She then hung up on me before I had a chance to say anything else.

Besides, who was "we"? Mom and I did lunch dates, but did that mean Brett was going to join us now, too, since they were together? God, I hoped not. I barely got to see her anymore and sharing my time with her was difficult enough. I didn't want to deal with Brett and pretend that I wasn't kissing his son when they weren't watching.

What we were doing was sneaky, however I had never had such fun in my life.

Grey's kisses were... well, I looked forward to them, each and every day. His usual aggressiveness had toned down more than a notch, and I appreciated that greatly. My toes tingled at the thought of kissing him again later tonight.

" _Liv?_ " Mom called out the moment I shut the door.

Why was she in a hurry? I groaned. I was all sticky from my two-mile walk.

"Coming," I called out, rushing towards the living room. I was pushing my damp hair behind my ear when I entered the area and stopped in my tracks, shocked.

_Fuck._

Shit. On. Me.

"Liam!" I whispered. What the fuck was he doing here? Didn't he have classes? Fuck my life.

His gorgeous face lit up and his ice blue eyes snapped back at me before he rushed towards me, hugging me hard as he picked me up from the floor, stealing the breath out of my body.

Once he placed me back on earth, I stared shockingly at him, speechless.

"You still look beautiful surprised." He grinned, looking hot and sexy with a short-sleeved polo, shorts and navy boat shoes on. "Your mom and I were just talking about you."

I gulped. Was Grey home? God, I hoped not.

"Why didn't you tell me you were visiting?" I breathed out as sweat broke out through my pores. " _Aren't you supposed to be in school?_ " Yeah, panic didn't look good on me.

"If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?" He gave me his dashing smile, but this time, it didn't reach his eyes. He was studying me and I knew he was aware of what was going through my head.

Mom stood up, making me glance at her. "Liv, I asked Liam if he wanted to join us for lunch, but he asked me as a favor if he could take you out instead. I guess we'll join you two for dinner. I'll let Brett and Greyson know so they can come and join as well." She strolled over to us, kissing me on the cheek before she gave Liam a big, welcoming hug. "It was great to have finally met you. I sort of lost my daughter to you all summer long, but I can see why she was so consumed with you." She winked at me. "I'll see you two kiddos later." With that, Mom walked straight to her bedroom that she shared with Brett, leaving Liam and I alone.

Why did Mom leave in such a hurry? I needed a few minutes to think this through. I just hoped that Liam wasn't going to grill me for questions. Not yet. I needed to strategize.

Though, seeing him in the flesh after a month apart... all of our memories in Sydney and the reasons why I had fallen for him in the first place came rushing back. This man was the guy I had vowed to keep... and hopefully to marry someday.

"Hi," I croaked out, shifting on my feet.

"Hello," he mused. "Hungry?"

No, I wasn't; not anymore. My stomach was filled with dread and those damn butterflies. What a damn combination. It made me want to vomit.

I nodded. "Sure." Why wasn't I jumping all over him, kissing him like I usually did back in Australia? I was sure he noticed that, too. After all, it had been only a month.

We walked towards the main door after he told me he'd rented out a car. I remembered not seeing any new vehicles on the driveway.

"I parked across the street." Liam pointed out as we got out of the house. His hand lightly guided me towards the rented, white SUV. Apart from the light touch, he didn't touch me again after the huge hug he gave me earlier. _This_ thought made me nervous.

What did this unexpected surprise mean? Was he going to cut all ties with me? What if he planned to continue going steady and really push for a long distance relationship? Would I be ready for that? All these questions kept swirling through my head to the point that I was dizzy with them when we reached The Corner Bakery.

Navigation was an amazing thing; I didn't have to tell him anything. He figured it all out all on his own. I was sure Mom had told him the address. She was helpful like that.

Not once did Mom make my life hell when it came to dating guys. She was the kind of parent where I could call at three in the morning, crying my eyes out because a guy dumped me for not wanting to have sex with them. She'd go wherever I was, give me a loving hug, a warm cocoa and let me vent until I was all out of tears.

She was the best and for her to give me her thumbs up with Liam, it made it all the more official that I could move in with him once I got back to Sydney. She and Dad had discussed it. As long as I was being responsible and always promised to be happy, they would both support me all the way.

Yes, I had the best parents in the world and I loved them to the moon and back.

It wasn't until we were seated and finished ordering before Liam looked me straight in the eye with both hands on the table. Clearing his throat, he asked me what I had been dreading this whole time. "Should I be worried about that text message you sent me, Olivia?"

Pressing my lips together, I thought about his question for a quick flash before I nodded my response. "I didn't mean for you to worry. I'm sure it'll go away..." Will it? Grey had been in my thoughts... even now, when I was facing the guy I planned to spend the rest of my life with. He simply littered my brain and it was the most confusing thing; to be here with Liam and still think about the guy who had my body thrumming like a slut. I hated that word, but fuck, I sure was becoming like one when it came to Greyson.

Liam pondered my answer before he leaned back against his chair and stared at me like he was trying to read my mind. For a full minute he stared before saying, " _Worried..."_ He murmured the word. "Your eyes don't look excited to see me... _you think I'm not worried?_ Fuck, yeah, I'm more than worried now."

He saw too much in me, I didn't like that. "I didn't mean for this to happen. It's nothing serious." The hurtful look on his face struck me deep in my core. "God—" I gulped. "I'm so sorry."

This had been his idea, to see other people. Saying sorry wasn't part of the deal, but I found myself saying it anyways, which in turn made him scowl. I wasn't dampening any suspicions he had on me.

The attraction with Greyson was all physical. It didn't mean that I wanted to throw away the life I had pictured and thought out for myself. I still aimed to follow that path. He was just the guy that was too hot to resist in school, nothing more. It didn't mean anything, I was sure of that.

_Yeah, Grey didn't mean anything to me_ , I repeated in my head. Nothing. He was just a sexy guy I made out with whenever I got a chance, that was all.

Hesitantly looking over at Liam, I licked my lips before I tried to reach out for his hand, grazing it with a shaky finger, staring at them with an ache in my heart. "I love you, nothing will ever change that." I did. I really did.

"Who is he?" he asked, sounding wretched.

How did I answer this without giving too much away? I didn't want to get in trouble with my mom. I wasn't ready for that. Not yet anyway. "He's a guy from school..." Amongst other things.

"You're not falling for him, are you?"

My eyes bulged out, shocked at his assumption. "What!" I shrieked. "Of course not!" I said, gripping his hands with my own. "You're the only one. Don't even go there, Liam. It's not like that. He means nothing to me. This is just a phase, so please, don't over-think everything." He was definitely overthinking too much. His questions were giving me into an immediate panic attack. In love? _With Greyson?_ Was he fucking crazy? Hell no I wasn't.

His cool blue eyes studied me again, holding me entranced. "How sure are you?"

Liam was all I had ever wanted in a man, and I had him here with me... "One hundred percent. That woman you were dating—"

He cut me off. "Bled my ears dry from her stories." He gave my hands a squeeze. Hard. Powerful. "I came here to ask and hope that things haven't progressed as far as I feared... if I lose you..."

God, I had been thinking the worst with that date he'd had before. Knowing that nothing happened made me somehow happy. As for Grey... "I'm still planning to move in with you in Sydney. My mind is set. I'm going to be with you soon." I wanted a time warp, one where I could fast forward this phase and be with him already.

"And the guy in the picture?" He frowned.

I had to make a choice, and I was going to choose the right man for me, not the man for right now. "If it makes you happy, I'm going to stop things with him..." I could do it. There was nothing going on. Apart from kissing, nothing substantial had really happened.

"It would do me the world," he murmured, "but will it make _you_ happy?" __ he emphasized. It was as if he was asking me if Greyson was important in my life.

Cutting Grey off... "I'm going to talk to him about it..." I trailed off, knowing how pissed Grey would be, but then again, that was expected. Besides, didn't he miss his girlfriends?

_What makes you think that he isn't with them now?_ My thoughts provoked, making me scowl.

He nodded, his lips breaking into a big smile. "Thank you. You don't know how often I was pissed at myself for suggesting that we try seeing other people while we were away from each other."

_Dumbest idea of the century_ , I wanted to blurt out, however I gave him a tight smile instead.

Seeing how he was now, I felt bad for sending him that text message, yet at the same time, I knew I had to tell him that I was getting infatuated with someone.

After we finished our meal, I checked my messages. I had one from Josie, asking what time we'd meet for Jet's party. Shit, that was tonight! "You're staying for how long?" I lightly asked, sipping my scalding brewed coffee with caution.

"I leave tomorrow. Sorry I couldn't stay long, but I have school and I just needed to see you and make sure everything was okay."

Seeing him now, everything came into perspective. "I could ask Brett and Mom if you could stay with us," I offered, knowing that this wouldn't be a problem. Mom trusted me greatly and I was sure Brett wouldn't mind letting him stay for one night.

Liam shook his head, smiling. "Nah, I checked into a hotel nearby. I wanted some alone time with you, if you'd allow it."

Man, was he quick. Then again, this was Liam. He never did give up on me. "I'd love that." First, though, I had to text Grey. Warn him. Something.

We had just gotten inside his hotel room when I excused myself to the bathroom. I needed a moment to breathe as well as to send Josie and Grey messages.

I stared at myself in the mirror, noting how flushed I looked. The bathroom was big, designed with romance in mind. Liam had thought of everything. He was going to woo me back into his arms. He felt threatened and I couldn't blame him. Days had passed when I'd barely thought of him. It was the polar opposite to how I had been before; when I'd thought of him every second of the day. However, when Grey entered the picture, the guy consumed me, hijacked my mind and body to the point that they only responded to him.

Pulling my phone out, I pressed my lips together, hoping that this wouldn't cause any problems in the future. We _did_ live in the same household and I still hoped that this would be kept between the two of us.

Me: _Liam's here and we had a talk. I have to end this thing with you. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you face to face. I hope you understand._

Sent.

My message was straightforward and on point. Sighing, I typed another one for Josie.

Me: _Hey Jo, Liam is here. I'll meet you there. Sorry we can't go shopping today. I'll make it up to you soon. Love ya!_

With Liam here, the last thing I needed to see were the people from school, but I promised Josie that I would be there with her, amongst our peers. She wanted to meet a new guy tonight and if I backed out now, I wouldn't forgive myself. She had always been there for me and she needed me tonight. With or without Liam, I was going to be her friend first.

My phone beeped. Glancing at it, I saw that Greyson had sent his reply.

Grey: _On my way home. I need to see you._

Shit. No. I groaned. I had been hoping that he'd be easy to put down. Not a chance by the looks of it.

Me: _I'm not home. I'm with him in his hotel room._

Was that rude? Then again, I needed to be upfront about things. Besides, we didn't have anything to talk about. It wasn't like we were really serious about each other. Right?

Grey: _Which hotel? I'm coming to get you._

OMG. Was he crazy? Liam would cause an uproar.

Me: _It's over. I'm sorry._

One minute passed and there was still no reply. After it hit the three-minute mark, I resigned myself to thinking that he'd accepted my apology.

## 20

# Liv

"Olivia?" Liam lightly tapped on the door. "Is everything okay in there?"

"Yes, I'll be out in a minute," I called out, almost out of breath.

I was still in the bathroom, seeking solace and some much needed space. Grey hadn't responded and I was relieved that he hadn't pursued it any further, but at the same time, I felt bereft. It was as though I had lost something significant.

One week—seven days—and I felt attached to him. Some way, some how, he'd got into me.

Last night... I remembered how sweet and accommodating he was. How hungered his kisses had been. Even in school, the way he looked at me showed his evident hunger. I hadn't seen any of the usual women who hung onto him, Edith and Tiffany most especially.

Every single day, he kept to his promise, not pushing me. Even though at times he looked like he could combust from the sexual tension, he still managed to stop at the last minute. He never pushed. He never pestered me about going all the way with him. So far, heavy petting and kissing had satisfied his hunger, and boy was he hungry last night.

Touching my bruised lips from last night's Grey onslaught, I closed my eyes and tried to part from his memories.

_No more Greyson Edwards_ , I silently lipped over and over again.

Once I knew I was ready to face Liam, I took a deep breath and practiced an easy smile in the mirror. "Be happy," I whispered to myself.

Exiting the bathroom door, I casually strode into the bedroom, peeking at the man who was lounging in bed with his shoes on, deep in thought.

"Hi," I blurted out.

He looked straight at me with an unreadable expression. What was he thinking? He looked too serious.

"Can I join you?" I squeaked, wanting to move forward. Memories of me jumping in bed, cuddling and spending our afternoons daydreaming about our future assailed me.

This was Liam. _My Liam_.

He lightly tapped the other side of the bed in invitation. Slowly, I moved towards him, feeling the heavy weight of his stare. I felt prickly, and in a limbo. Taking my shoes off, I tried to avoid his gaze as I placed my things on the black lacquered side table before cautiously getting on the king sized bed.

Before my head managed to hit the pillow, his strong arms scooped me up, making me curl against his body. For a moment, we were lost in thought. If I closed my eyes, I knew I would be back with him in Sydney. Just like old times.

"I would stay up late, picturing what life would be like with you living with me," he started. "Going to university together, sharing meals, sharing friends and making new memories..." He took he deep breath, pausing. "You were always in them, you know."

Swallowing the heavy lump in my throat, I flung an arm around his waist, holding him close. "I love you, Liam."

He rolled to his side, hugging me tight. "Please don't ever forget that," he murmured, smelling my hair. "I wish I could stay here and be with you."

"Soon..." Time will pass. We just had to make it through. What was another seven months? If you really thought about it, it would be here before I knew it.

"Hold me." Don't ever let go...

Dinner came, and it was only Mom and Brett who joined us. Brett made an excuse for his son, though, stating that he was at his girlfriend's house and had already made plans for the night.

I wasn't sure if his excuse was made up or if that was what Grey had told him. Either way, that statement bothered me. A great deal. It made me wonder if he'd had a girlfriend all along. I mean, he had only seen me at night. Whatever he had done with his time in between, I knew nothing about. So yes, I supposed it was normal to wonder.

It was past ten when Liam and I reached Jet's house. Since it was our last night—our only night together—I knew I had to bring him along.

He was tired and I felt bad about bringing him, but he'd wanted to meet Josie and he had promised that he'd leave after an hour or so. After the party, I could have Josie drop me off at home or maybe to his hotel room. He made sure I had gotten an extra key before we left the hotel to meet Mom and Brett for dinner.

One other thing I hoped to do tonight was to privately speak to Grey. I just wanted—needed—to make sure that things were okay, that there was no misunderstanding between us. Amicable was how I pictured things to go forth after what had happened. I would have to hope this idea wasn't wishful thinking.

Jet's house was a mere five minutes away from our home. Even though I had been here only a few times, I somehow knew my way around. In the kitchen, I found Josie amongst other people from our school. By the looks of it, my friend was already buzzing incredibly well. Liam was right behind me when Josie spun around and spotted us, waving and squealing.

"Oh, my gosh! You're even hotter than hot in person!" she greeted us, holding out her hand before I managed to say anything. "I'm Josie, BFF and all that entails!"

Sheesh, I was holding back a laugh as I peeked sideways at Liam, who seemed to be enjoying the fawning of my so-called BFF. "Nice to meet you. And you're just as Olivia described—bubbly and extremely full of life."

Josie swooned. "Your accent... Do you have a brother? A friend?"

I rolled my eyes, needing to intrude. "How about you slow down on the drinks then maybe you can ask him questions because, right now, you're being a hot mess."

She snorted. "Loosen up, Olivia." She then brushed me off, glancing at Liam. "Why is she so cranky?"

I hadn't been trying to be hurtful; I really hadn't. My words had come out wrong. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired." Or maybe I was to wound up knowing that Greyson must be somewhere around here.

Jet's house was full of party people, and by the looks of it, they'd been going at it for a while.

"I'll forgive you as long as you take a shot." She went to a nearby table that had all of the shots prepped and ready to go.

I was a guilty bitch. Sighing, I grabbed what she shoved at me, sniffing the clear drink. "Vodka." My face contorted at the thought of downing it, but I did it anyway. Liam was soothing my back when I felt the heavy, fiery burn of the alcohol travelling from my throat to the pit of my stomach, making me a sick. Damn, that was strong.

Josie grinned at me, flipping her hair to the side. "Thanks, babe. I'll look for you in an hour or so. I know your frosty self will have thawed by then." She kissed my cheek before giving Liam one as well.

_I wonder what Liam thinks about our friendship_ , I mused.

"Nice friend of yours," he murmured in my ear, pulling me close. "Wanna dance?"

I was just about to say yes when I saw Greyson at the far end of the living room... with a new woman beside him. I stared at him for a while, trying to get his attention, but I supposed he didn't see me, or maybe he was simply ignoring me because Grey and I used to treat each other like that.

With that, my hopes of being civilized were dashed. I guessed he had resorted back to how we were, and that was the best solution after all.

Lightly, I held Liam by the hip before whispering into his ear, "Can you get me another shot? I'm up for whatever you want afterwards."

"You're on," he murmured, his voice raw with desire.

One shot was what I had planned, but I ended up with two. If that didn't show how nervous I was... I didn't know what other disaster that night would bring.

The makeshift dance floor was vast, so I chose the farthest place possible away from Grey and his girlfriend.

Liam and I danced, but halfway through the song—with my body thrumming from the alcohol—Liam's surprise visit and Grey's ability to pretend like I didn't exist anymore had left me feeling too wound up... and I needed to let loose. Clear my mind of anything and just start... _feeling_.

Oh, how I was feeling that strong, muscular body against mine. My entire summer had consisted of me memorizing this body...

"Liam," I pleaded. _Bring me back to you._

It was as if he just knew. In a heartbeat, I was up against the wall, caged in by his frame while his lips and hands were everywhere on me. He felt like a man who hadn't had anything to drink in days. His kiss was amazing, yet it lacked the scorching fire that only Greyson could deliver.

My eyes were closed, however when I heard a loud thud, my eyes snapped open to a set of tiger-eyes lasered in on me.

It was Grey, making out with the woman, but his eyes were darting hatred at me. Liam was so distracted from consuming my body that he didn't notice, yet I was stuck between kissing him and having a silent argument with Greyson. He was angry. There was no mistaking that now.

Not once did his hate-filled stare waver. He was trying to prove a point and I wasn't sure what his message was.

What I did know was that I couldn't stand there and witness this calamity.

"Liam." I sought his eyes, cupping his cheeks. "I'll meet you back in your room." My eyes flickered back and forth, knowing that he was on the edge of losing his control.

He nodded, kissing me again for the last time. This time I dared not glance at the couple next to us.

"I'll be waiting."

Pasting on an encouraging smile, I replied, "See you in a little bit." I waved my goodbye before I sprinted out of there and looked for Josie.

My plan to speak to Greyson tonight wasn't happening. Especially not when he looked like he planned to tear me to shreds. Jet also lived in the pool house, so I knew some people were over there as some were littered across the garden.

I was walking past the loosely graveled pathway of the garden when someone snatched—no, it was more of being bulldozed—me to the side and pressed me against a tall bush, which blocked anyone from view.

"What the shit!" I screeched. Every fiber in me knew who it was, but I was still fuming. He could have at least warned me or something, not scared me shitless.

"How dare you bring him here!" Grey hissed a few feet away from me. He looked like he wanted to scream, but was barely holding his temper in check.

I folded my arms, sending him a stony glance. "You have a girlfriend? When the fuck did that happen?"

He scowled. "I don't have a girlfriend—what the hell did you expect, huh? You think I can sit through dinner and pretend like nothing's happened? How insensitive can you be?"

I hadn't been trying to be insensitive. I truly hadn't.

Staring at him, I sought for understanding. "It was only seven days, Grey."

His handsome face dropped. " _What the fuck was I to you then?_ Just someone to mess around with?"

Why was he so angry? It had only been a week. I knew he and I had become close, but to be this invested? It was disconcerting.

"Grey, you're being irrational," I tried to reason with him, make him understand where I was coming from, however he seemed beyond that.

"I'm irrational," he spat back. "Right."

He was. I had never seen a man this angry—not towards me anyway. "You need to understand where I'm coming from. Liam and I—"

"I won't allow you to be with him," he bit out. "I _hate_ seeing you with him." He looked like he'd swallowed poison, flinching at the words.

Excuse me? The last time I had checked I was still my own person. "Why's that, huh? Just because you and I had something going on, that doesn't mean—"

" _Because you're fucking mine!_ " he yelled at the top of his lungs with his chest heaving and his eyes flashing at me like hard, crystal daggers.

All breath left me. My heart was suddenly running a marathon as his words sunk in. What made me shiver was the look he had. It was a look that told me that he believed his words; that I was seriously his.

" _Whatever gave you that idea?_ " I managed to whisper, shocked.

"You've always been mine," he murmured, looking torn. "You just wouldn't allow it." He sought my eyes while I glanced away, feeling too much.

I shook my head, denying everything he'd just spewed. "You don't know what you're talking about. Grow the fuck up!"

He gave me a cutting glance; the wound went straight into me. "I am growing up. That's why I'm trying to reason with you. You're making a mistake here."

Something about the way he said things, it seriously ticked me off. It was as if he just knew. He was being a self-entitled jerk and I wouldn't put up with the shit. " _You're the mistake_. I shouldn't have gotten involved with you—"

He turned cold; his eyes so dark that I felt their chill. "Well, then, I guess I'm done being such a fucking mistake."

I watched after him, hoping I could undo the hurtful words we'd exchanged, yet I knew I couldn't say anything that would make him come back without compromising what I had with Liam. I had to make a choice. And I did.

## 21

# Grey

_W hatever gave you that idea?_ Her words mocked me. Seven days might not be that long, but it had been long enough for me to know that I truly wanted her. Not the beautiful face and her gorgeous smile, but the woman who was inside her. The sweet woman underneath. The one that would shyly gaze at me with desire; the passionate girl within. Her outer exterior gave off that she was aloof—a bitch with no care in the world—but once you got to see glimpses of what she was underneath... It had seriously gotten me hooked; so hooked, in fact, that for the first time, a girl got to fuck me over. It pissed me off; not to mention how fucking embarrassing it was to be dumped this quickly.

Karma was a mad bitch because she was biting my ass really hard right now. All those hearts and empty promises I had broken with countless of women were now being slapped in my face.

Rejection wasn't an alienated feeling for me.

In fact, you could congratulate my mother for that. And now, of course, Olivia had done it, too. The only two women who I had chosen to let my guard down with, and both had fucked me over.

Yi—fucking—pee.

She was back with him, right now, in _his_ hotel room. It didn't take a wild guess what she and her boyfriend were up to. We hadn't made promises, but somehow, I felt like I had been tricked.

"You look like shit on shit," Jet remarked as he passed by me, beer in hand.

Well, he looked like he was having a good time. At least one of us was.

_Shit on shit_. That would be right. It sure felt like it was.

"Get the fuck out," I grumbled. The last thing I needed was him snooping in my damn business.

"Can't. In case you forgot, you're in my place." He stared at me for quite some time, subdued. "She's only a girl, man; let it go."

I threw him a look, one to shut him up, but he wasn't paying attention. "I know there's been a love-hate thing going on for years—and don't get me wrong, she's an awesome girl—but there's more out there you know; like the ones that really dig you. You don't want someone who fucks around like that."

_Fucks around like that..._

The thing was, there had been no fucking involved. There could've been, if I'd really pushed it. There had been instances during our heated, crazy kissing session when I could've had her, but since she had told me that she wasn't ready to go all the way with me, I had respected that. I made sure not to place myself in a situation where I wouldn't see black and white; just the damn gray. Where everything could get blurry and I wouldn't think of her wants because I was focusing on my own. I might've hated her in the beginning, but I respected her.

Even now, even though the hate in me boiled my blood, I still respected her.

I glanced towards Jet when he lit up his roll of weed, still staring at me like I was a weird circus show. "Give me that," I demanded, uncaring that I was past rude. I didn't have to explain myself to him. He was a friend; he knew what I was going through without me laying it out for him.

Jet handed it to me without a word, but with a knowing smirk. Weed was my answer when I was stressed out, which wasn't all the damn time. I gave a quick glance at the imperfectly rolled stick before I placed it in-between my lips, sucking it with deep enthusiasm as I inhaled the smoke, held it long enough for a deeper effect, then tilted my head upwards and released the smoke through my nostrils and mouth.

The hit was the purest it could get. Cali weed was one of the best I had ever had and my crew knew just where to get the good stuff. It was smooth—expensive—just the way I liked it.

"Want more?"

_Fuck yes._ "You know I do. Look for that chick that was all over me earlier. I need some tits around," I murmured, closing my eyes as I took another hit off my joint.

Good weed. Alcohol. Pretty, willing girls. It was the perfect imperfect combination.

Tonight, I was going to savor this bitterness that was fucking with my mind. Only for tonight, though, because tomorrow, when I fucking woke up, Olivia would be dead to me.

Fuck her.

Fuck all the women in the world.

All they did was lie. Who needed liars around? I sure as hell didn't.

## 22

# Liv

Saying goodbye to Liam at LAX airport was trying. His visit had reinstated our feelings for each other, but now that he wasn't here, I was left to face the outcome of what I had done.

Last night, I spent the night in his room; however I spent the entire time reeling from my heated encounter with Greyson. What he'd said—the things that had spewed out of him—how enraged he had been and how he'd believed what he was saying, they hounded my thoughts.

It had been like poison. It lingered there, taking its time until it could seize me.

For the whole duration, I kept thinking about the "what ifs". What had been even more disconcerting was the very fact that I wasn't one to even consider these instances. I always stood on a solid platform, knowing what I wanted and went for it. For me to pause and ponder about what might've been wasn't me.

When I came home, I wasn't even a bit surprised that Grey's car wasn't there. After last night, he'd avoid me like the plague. So for the rest of the day, I spoke to Mom and Brett as if everything was normal.

Monday rolled in and still there was no Grey in school or at home. The same went for the day after.

For the rest of the week, I waited for him to show up, but each day became a letdown. He was skipping school, doing God knew what.

Though Jet and the rest of his crew—men and women alike—were all present, I didn't have the guts to ask for Grey's whereabouts.

During Friday night dinner, I asked Brett about him, playing it off as if I wasn't noticing it on a daily basis. Basically, Grey was telling him that he'd been staying at Jet's for a little while. What bothered me more was that he didn't seemed concerned that his son was staying about five minutes away from his own house. Brett was a lenient parent and I could easily see why Grey got to do whatever he wanted. He simply didn't have a parent to monitor him.

My mom would allow me to do things as long as I informed her of everything I did, and at times, like the situation with moving in with Liam once I got in Sydney, I had to ask for permission first.

After two weeks of not seeing him at all, I started to really worry. Even at school, he was a no show. Everyone was the same—acted as if nothing were different—but I knew, for Grey to be gone for this long, something was up.

During a meal, I contemplated contacting him. Even when I was in bed, ready to sleep, my conscience was eating me alive. Reaching for my phone, I decided to bite my pride and reach out to the man himself.

Me: _Where are you? Are you okay?_

I stared at my phone for most of the night, hoping I'd get a response, but to no avail. I wasn't sure if I should give him a call or pester him with text messages until I got a reply... however I wasn't that kind of person. If Grey didn't respond, it could only mean that he didn't want to and couldn't be bothered with me.

What should I do? Should I just go to sleep? Or should I do something, like call him or something even more drastic than that...? Like maybe go to Jet's house and ask if I could talk to him?

Okay, it was a Friday night... there was going to be a party—there always was.

Texting Josie, I asked if she was doing anything tonight. Three minutes later, she told that she was in a party, with Greyson around.

Great. My friend was informative. I hadn't had to elaborate what my intention was because my best friend had known. Josie and I communicated in a different way, a way where I didn't have to explicitly explain everything to her, and the same went for me when she needed my help. That's why our relationship worked. We were two of a kind.

Just when I was about to start the car, I get another text from her.

Josie: _Hey hun, I'm leaving the party, but he's in Jet's pool house. He's been staying in the other bedroom. He comes out once in a while. Just saw him once, though. He looks rough. Be safe. Love you._

Grey looked rough? Define rough? Rugged rough? Or rough like he hadn't showered in days kind of rough?

Replying to Josie's text, I hurried my response.

Me: _Wait up. I need backup. Moral support. Please?_

Gearing up my car, I shoved the phone on the side of the seat and drove off. I saw the great advantage of fast cars. Five minutes didn't even crack for me. I made it in three.

Parking right behind the long line of cars, I rushed to gather my phone and my purse before locking the vehicle and going inside Jet's sprawling house.

His home sat on top of a hill. It had a modern design with glass everywhere. The pool house also used the same concept with two bedrooms. Most guys in my school stayed in their pool house. Not only was it convenient, it provided just enough privacy to party away from prying eyes.

From the looks of things though, the main house was full of people, too. That could only mean one thing; Jet's parents weren't home.

He had one older brother, but I'd heard he was studying on the East Coast. The large mansion was dark other than a few glow-in-the-dark lights, which lit up the house in a soft glow. They differentiated from blue, yellow, purple, green, orange—basically anything bright and colorful, it was there.

It took a full minute or so for my eyes to accommodate to the psychedelic flash of colors.

Noting the unknown crowd, no wonder the party was full. They must've had the entire south of the boulevard schools there. People squashed and pressed against me as I walked along. My ears were ringing from the loud thump of the bass-based house music. I was just squeezing past an overeager dry-humping couple when I saw him.

Sure he looked rough, but it only added to his sexiness. His hair was a tad longer with a little scruff on the side. His back was to me with two girls right before him. Both of his arms braced the women as they talked closely to each other. If one of the girls would say something to make him laugh, he would face to the side and release that deep-bellied laugh.

Even though I stood a few feet away from them, his laugh lingered in me. It affected me in a way I hadn't expected it to; like something had been taken from me.

After half a month of not seeing him, I wasn't sure what I wanted to tell him. Sure I wanted to talk, but now that I was here, I wasn't sure what to say. Most especially after I had harshly pushed him away.

Reaching out to him would be the first step, the rest I could play along later. First I had to get his attention, though.

Stepping closer with jittery legs, I cleared my throat.

"Grey?" I called after him, and when he spun around, his easy smile vanished in a flash. "Can I have a minute?"

He looked away as if he couldn't bare glancing in my direction. "I'm busy," he finally managed to say before walking away with both women chasing behind him, losing me in the crowd.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt someone grip the side of my arm, and when I checked who it was, it was Josie with a worried face on.

"He's hurt—I think—but he won't say anything. It's Greyson we're talking about here. Give him time."

"But he's been absent." _Wherever I'm present_ , I silently added.

She gave me a tight smile. "Well, at least you can give him points for not being a clingy guy, right?"

_Points?_ I sure as heck hadn't been thinking about a point system. "Thanks for staying."

She looked away before meeting me in the eye. "Well, I had another motive for staying—and I think it's best to ask you first."

Her question sent alarm bells. _Was it about Grey?_ "What is it?" I rushed out, frowning.

Josie suddenly looked awkward. "You see—the other night... I, uh... ended up kissing Gavin. I just want to ask if it's okay to go out with him."

_Gavin?_ "What? Of course it's fine! At one point there I thought you were talking about Grey." Steady my beating heart. All was safe. "He's a nice guy. You have more than my blessing, babe."

She grinned, hugging me tight. "God, you're awesome. Okay, he's waiting for me outside, but I suggest you go home. I don't trust these people here; they're too crazy for my taste." She bunched up her nose as if she smelled something foul.

The crowd did look it. Crazy that was...

"I'm going home soon." I paused, looking around. "I'm just going to try one more time." The blinding lights made me dizzy. How the heck did they manage to dance around with it like this, like they were getting lost in the music, jumping around as if nothing mattered? I would always wonder.

Josie's smiling face started to worry again. "If you can't manage to make him listen, get out of here fast, okay?"

I crossed my heart. "Promise."

After another round of hugs and sweet goodbyes, I watched after a retreating Josie. I knew my way around here, so it didn't take me long to find Jet's mini, adjacent residence.

The "it" crowd came to mind as I watched the women that went in and out of the place. Hot, scantily clad women were coming and going as if owning the place. Jet's room was on the left, so Grey's would be on the opposite side, to the right.

It was no better in the lighting department, but at least the dimmed lighting and the "space-like" ambiance made it cozy. The music was different, too. Trip-hop was more like it; it had the heavy beat of bass with the ethereal-esque sound, instead of the hectic trance-like music. There was a projector placed somewhere that had shooting stars and the rest of the universe thrown all over the room.

I was so busy taking everything in that I didn't realize I'd bumped into someone's chest until my nose hit the hardness of it. The scent was different.

I didn't manage to look up until the male in question cleared his throat, as if trying to get my attention.

Jet's curious eyes met mine. Questioning.

He probably was wondering what in God's name I was doing here. He was Greyson's best friend, I was sure he probably knew about, or maybe had a great idea about, —what was going on.

"Great party," I mumbled, guilt and confusion washing over me. Apart from the lamest line I could come up with, Jet didn't seem all that convinced at why he was seeing me here.

This guy was too good... too smart for his own good. After all, hadn't Josie mentioned that his family was packed with lawyers? Oh, yeah, he could probably spot a huge liar in the darkened crowd. I was guilty as charged.

"Can I help you with something, Olivia?" his voice was hard, but there was an edge to it that spoke heavily of suspicion.

I just wanted to talk; that was all. "Is Greyson around?" I nervously asked without meeting his eyes.

"Maybe, but I have a feeling that he won't be all that happy to see you."

Finally meeting his eyes, I saw that he was dead serious. What else did he know? I wasn't sure how their relationship worked. Grey and I hadn't discussed much.

"Is he busy?" I asked, fully aware of how "busy" he'd looked earlier.

"Go check it out for yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you, though." He cocked his head to the side towards where Grey had been staying.

The door was closed, but for some odd reason, it was as if it called to me. I glided towards it with clammy hands. In the back of my mind, I was certain that I would deserve it if I went in there to find him busy with the females that had been in his company earlier. A longing side of me was hoping to find him alone, though. Maybe then I could get his attention.

After not seeing him for such a long time, I felt like it was my fault that he hadn't been home for this long. Greyson was notorious for a lot of things, but that one week with him had showed me that there was more to him than all those rumors. There was a sweet guy underneath it all.

I hoped it was not too late to patch things up. Not in the romantic sense since Liam and I had made a promise to each other, but I wanted to be close to Grey. I couldn't explain it without sounding irrational. He made me smile without applying any effort. It just made no sense, and yet when he was around, everything did.

It was hard to explain, but at this point, all I wanted was to bring him back home. I wanted to see him safe. In our home.

Lightly knocking on the door, I tried it a few times, but I wasn't sure my knocks could be heard amidst the music and noise from out here.

"Grey?" I knocked again, but when I pressed my ear against the door and didn't hear anything, I decided to turn the knob, letting myself in.

There was a small welcome settee inside, in contrast of black and white. A white lamp was switched on, the only lighting available. To my right, which I was assuming to be the bedroom, there was a door ajar, and from the loud noise I still couldn't hear anything.

I stood in place, not knowing what to do. It was at that point that the bedroom door swung open and one of the women I had seen him with earlier came out dressed in boxers, which I was assuming were his, and a lace bra. She and I jumped at the same time, shocked to bump into each other. Well, from the looks of things, she saw me like I was an intruder.

"Can I help you? _Are you lost?_ This is a private party." Her smoky eyes gathered in my short jean shorts and my loose white shirt.

Sure my ensemble wasn't screaming party mode, but I didn't look like a bum either. I wanted to recoil and hide from the way she was scrutinizing me, but heck, I didn't let that happen. No one was going to make me feel like a heel, even if she was looking like a lingerie model.

"Is Greyson Edwards available?" Finally, my voice resurfaced.

She smirked before pulling a cigarette out of nowhere and lighting it before me. "What if I told you that he's busy looking for the Holy Grail in his bedroom, would you believe me?"

She was definitely fucking with my brain.

"He's with Cheska." She glanced behind her back towards the door before eyeing me up again. "You can check them out. I'm sure you'd be more than welcome to join them." Her eyes gleamed. "Greyson, you have a little girl looking for you," she yelled without breaking eye contact with me.

Little girl? She was fucking calling me a little girl? Infuriating bitch! I was about to snap out of my shell and call her names when the door was yanked open and Greyson, with smudged lipstick all over his lips and neck, scratch marks on his chest, donning his unbuttoned jeans and glazed eyes, emerged.

It didn't take a moment to sink in that the woman hadn't been lying when she'd informed me that Greyson was more than busy earlier.

"Olivia," was all he said.

He didn't look surprised, shocked nor embarrassed. He looked like he wanted to head back inside the room again.

Why wasn't he reacting? One month ago, he had been all over me, yet now, he wouldn't even spare me a second.

I ignored the nameless woman who was sucking her cigarette like it was the best tasting thing on earth and focused on what I had come here for. "Grey, I was hoping we could talk."

"Olivia..."

He sounded like he was running out of patience, but I just couldn't give up yet. Not yet. "Give me time—just this once. I won't ask again." I sounded like a whiny child, but I didn't care. This was the only way I could get his attention—seeking him out, going out of my way to find him—and if this didn't work, at least I could wipe my conscience of any doubt.

He studied me awhile, eyes burning deep gold as he bided time. The woman next to him made a noise, but I didn't break my stare from him. I needed to connect with him somehow, and he looked like he was weighing things.

Finally, when I was about to crumble, he didn't look away as he addressed the woman next to him. "Go inside. I have to talk to her." She glanced at Grey then back at me before making a hideous snorting sound and walking off, slamming the door in her wake.

"You want to talk," he started, his voice vibrated through me as if he was close, whispering the words into my ear, but he hadn't moved closer to me at all, "here's your chance."

Why was I so nervous? And where the fuck was my voice? Even though he was covered with lipstick stains and scratch marks, his presence still affected me greatly. I felt sad... and I badly wanted to reach out to him in an attempt to explain things, although I knew it wouldn't be of any use. We both had moved on after all.

Curling a strand of my hair to the back of my ear, I searched his eyes, hoping I'd find the strength in there to keep on going. When his eyes kept growing dark, as if he was getting angry, I gathered my wits and found my voice.

"You've been missing school and you haven't been home. I'm worried about you."

His nose flared, eyeing me like an enemy. "I don't want your worry—or your pity. Look around you, can't you see I'm happy?"

No, the last thing he looked like was happy. My heart reached out to him.

Slowly I moved as close as I could get to him. "I'm concerned. Why are you doing this?"

"I'm fine, Olivia. Look at me; don't I look fine to you?" His tone held sarcasm.

He looked more than fine, but I wasn't going to tell him that. Obviously this effort had been pointless. What had I expected? Really? After how I'd shut him off, had I expected that he'd roll out the red carpet?

Sighing, I felt the heavy weight on my shoulders. I had wasted time for nothing. "You're right. You're okay. Sorry that I even bothered and interrupted your busy evening."

I spun around, almost running to the door, holding my breath until I was safely out of sight. Maintaining myself long enough not to cry was becoming increasingly more difficult by the second.

If I broke down now, I had no one to blame except me. Besides, why did I feel the urge to cry? It wasn't as if I was in love with Greyson. I wasn't, yet the sadness that consumed me was crippling.

_What was going on_? I was asking myself the very question when Jet found me again, blinded with tears.

"Hey." He pulled me against him. "Hey... it's okay. Breathe," he coached as I tried to keep my tears at bay. If they fell, I wouldn't ever forgive myself for crying in the arms of Greyson's best friend. "You're safe." He soothed my back. "Let it all out."

That was all it took; I crumbled, as much as I didn't want to. The second I heard his understanding, friendly voice, I was a goner.

Jet led us into his bedroom as I let my frustrations out.

The thing was, however, that one tear wasn't enough.

I was crying a fucking river.

## 23

# Liv

A loud thud, a man yelling, and something being smashed was how I woke up.

I was beyond startled, scrambling out of bed as I attempted to make sense of everything that was happening.

Greyson had pinned Jet against the wall and was choking him with both of his hands, screaming in his face. "You fucking piece of shit! I should've known!"

Jet wasn't fighting for himself, either. Why the fuck wasn't he fighting him off? He could die... Grey's hold on his neck looked like he was about to kill him.

"Please, stop," I squeaked as I ran towards them, hoping to break them apart, but Greyson wasn't paying attention to me. I had to punch and kick him before I finally got his attention.

And when I did... I wished I hadn't. Because not only was he looking at me with hate, but he was also looking at me with pure disdain, like I was the worst thing that he'd ever seen.

" _You fucking slept with my best friend!_ You fucking slut!" he hissed at me, fuming. His eyes looked wild, as if he was ready to choke the life out of me, too.

I flinched as if he had slapped me. I had been sober last night. Nothing had happened between Jet and I. "Nothing happened, Grey. I swear."

My glance shifted to Jet, hoping he'd back me up, but he was still staring at Grey, looking at him in a different light. "I thought you said you didn't care about her; that what she does is none of your business."

What the hell? Why wasn't he helping? He was making the situation worse.

I yelped as if in pain, "Nothing happened. We were just talking—"

"Get your shit; I'm taking you home," he addressed me before glancing back at Jet, still infuriated. "You and I aren't fucking done. We'll settle this later today," he said through gritted teeth.

I barely managed to get my purse before he swiped me off the floor and carried me out of there. "Put me down! I need my shoes." I was trying to kick him, but he held my legs with a tight hold. The more I tried to wiggle out of his hold, the more he grunted.

"Try to move one more time and I swear to God I will bend you over and spank you until your ass is red," he threatened as we moved past the garden.

He wasn't joking, and much to my embarrassment, I kept still, knowing that he was just as angry as I was.

After last night, I had vowed to never think of him, yet that was becoming difficult since the man in question was holding me tight with my tiny, jean-clad ass inches away from his face.

Once we arrived at Jet's now-empty driveway, he reached in his pocket and deactivated his car alarm before dumping me on the passenger seat. He even made sure I was buckled securely before going over to his side of the car.

Without glancing at me, he revved up the engine. If three minutes had been my mark from the house to Jet's, Greyson made it in over one and a half minutes. The guy was a maniac in the street.

It was a Saturday, so both of our parents were home, however it didn't faze him because the second he parked the car; he was slinging me over his shoulder again and making his way towards his pool house.

It wasn't until we reached his place, with me sitting on the couch—still barefoot, mind you—when he finally looked at me... _really_ looked at me like he used to.

"Tell me, how the fuck did you end up in my best friend's bed?"

Okay, he was still fuming, I understood that. I mean, if I had found Liam or him in Josie's bed, I would flip the switch, too. There was something about his tone, though, that made me somehow think that he was jealous of finding me in Jet's bed.

"We talked; that's all."

I looked away, blushing. The bad ideas that my thoughts conjured up to get a reaction from him were truly awful, but I admitted, I liked getting his undivided attention. Even if he was addressing me with hate-filled eyes, I still had gotten his attention.

Was I becoming pathetic? Double check.

"You're lying. You're turning pink." He crouched down, cupping my chin with his hand, maneuvering it to meet his turbulent eyes. "Tell me the truth. Did you fuck him last night?"

Why did it matter? I was sure he and Jet had shared women. From what I'd heard, that was a common occurrence. Why was I any different?

"And if I tell you I did, what would you do?"

"Don't lie to me," he gritted out. His face was so close, I could almost kiss him.

Staring at his lips, I was almost tempted. "I didn't. Happy?" I broke our contact, feeling dumbfounded from all these conflicting emotions that were going through me. Liam, then Grey, Liam again, and now, Grey was taking hold of my thoughts.

I was, in short, going out of my mind.

He didn't respond, so I managed to stand on my feet, hoping to end this madness with him. I didn't understand him... me... us... it was too much.

"Olivia?" he called after me.

I spun on my heels, meeting his gaze.

"Thank you for not sleeping with him. You can do the rest, but not my best friend."

_Ouch._ It would have been better if he had slapped me. At least I could have felt the sting and reel from it.

"I'll make sure to try." Without another word, I gave him a sour smile and walked out of there.

I was grateful that I didn't have to run into Mom or Brett on my way back to the main house. My stomach was churning, so for the rest of the afternoon, I stayed in bed, ignoring the rest of the world.

I needed to de-stress and the only way I knew how, was to read a great novel, get lost in it and wish that life wasn't so difficult.

Greyson had turned my world upside down. The question was, would I keep letting him rule it?

I avoided the party scene for two weeks. Since Josie and Gavin were progressing steadily, I didn't feel the need to show my face in the party crowd. Besides, after that incident with Jet and Greyson, I made sure not to stir the pot between friends again.

The two looked like they were on good terms. Jet had tried to speak to me at one point, but I assured him that everything was fine and he had nothing to worry about. As for Greyson, he sure was looking happy. The rumor mill was busy spewing news about his exploits.

One that had really caught my attention was when he was chased down by a cop while racing in the canyons, but for some lucky reason, Grey managed to lose him. It had been one lucky strike if you ask me.

He was still the same. He liked to provoke danger and he was managing quite well in that sector, while my quiet life was suiting me fine. The only light I had was talking to Liam on a daily basis. Other than that, everything about my life was becoming boring.

Grey and I hadn't managed to speak to each other after that day in his pool house; well, privately anyway. He was civil towards me when our parents were around, but if he could ignore me, he would.

Well, of course, it was only a matter of time until someone broke the quiet stillness of my life.

"Please say you'll come? My parents won't let me go unless I tell them you're there, too," Josie begged. We were in my bedroom when she'd announced that the gang was planning a weekend trip in Big Bear.

"I'm not sure if I should..." I didn't want to interfere, most especially since Grey and Jet were going to be there as well.

Josie looked desperate. I was sure since things were going so well with Gavin that she wanted some alone time with him.

"Olivia, come on, girl—you need to have fun. You've been hiding for—"

I held up my hand, not willing to hear her spiel on my current situation. Guilt trip much? It worked in her favor. "Fine. Fine. Count me in."

"You're the best." She squeezed the living crap out of me, kissing my face with her heavily coated lip glossed lips.

What were friends for anyway?

"We share a room. Take it or leave it." That was the only thing I was worried about. I didn't want to share a room with a random person.

"You've got yourself a deal."

There were only three more days until Big Bear weekend happened. Here was to hoping that everything would be smooth sailing.

## 24

# Liv

"I'm riding with you and Gavin," I informed my friend beforehand, just in case she was having other designs in her head.

Everyone was rounding outside our house since the vacation cabin we were staying at this weekend was owned by the Edwards, so it made sense that they started off there.

I was about to haul my things out of my bedroom when Josie gave me a sheepish look. "About that..." She paused.

God, if she told me that she was shoving me to Jet or Greyson, I would backtrack in a heartbeat. " _Go on?_ " I glared at her, waiting until she finished her sentence.

"Gav and I are both riding with Grey..." She bit her lip, looking sorry. "I was going to tell you, but I didn't want you to be angry with me."

I glared some more. "The guy hates me. How can you not see that?" What did she think would happen? That I could just hitch up a ride without Grey noticing me as one of his passengers? Was she crazy?! Fucking hell.

"He doesn't hate you. Hate is such a strong word to use," she tried to settle things. "He'll come around. He used to like you—a whole fucking lot."

The keyword was _used_. He was going to mess around with women all weekend long; could I hold myself and pretend that I hadn't thought of him on a daily basis? Better yet, could I carry on a conversation without blushing because I had been dreaming illicit dreams about him?

"I don't know... He might just kick me out of the car." He so could. It wasn't hard to picture him booting me out of his vehicle with his temper.

"Just go with the flow. Things will be good. 'Kay?" She pulled me out of my bedroom before I had managed to nod from her words of wisdom.

Her excitement was bouncing off the walls. It was sad that a tiny bit of this happy aura couldn't be rubbed off on me. Inside, I was dreading this short, two-hour drive. If I could bite my nails, I so would, but I needed to look composed, and nail biting would give me away.

Gavin greeted Josie and me as he grabbed my weekend bag away from my hand. While he and my friend caught up, I was busy keeping an eye out for Greyson.

A black Tahoe was parked on the driveway and there were a few other black SUVs with people buzzing around, talking and chatting on their phones. Jet was nowhere to be found, but I was sure one of the black SUVs were his, I had seen him a month back driving around with one. The black Tahoe was shared between Grey and Brett when they went outdoors. I didn't know about men with black cars, but it sure did suit them. Grey especially, mood swings and all.

"Hop in, Liv." Gavin directed me towards the wide-open Tahoe door before he told Josie to do the same. "I'm gonna go check on the guys. Be right back." He half ran towards the back entrance leading towards Greyson's place.

We both stared after him before the woman sliding next to me voiced her thoughts out loud.

"Are you going to snowboard? I think I got all my outfits ready. What about you?" She sat in the middle while I tried to sit behind the driver's seat, hoping he wouldn't catch me here.

I hadn't planned on doing anything except catching up on my reading. I wanted to avoid Greyson as much as possible. I was here for Josie, nothing more.

"I have enough books to last me all weekend." Compared to her extracurricular activities, my weekend sounded boring. What had she expected me to do? Have body shots with drunk men? Although a particular memory sprung to mind, leading my wicked thoughts astray.

She let out a long sigh as if I was a hopeless case. "I'm going to drag you out to do things with me. He's ruling your life, Olivia. Live a little. Fuck."

I stilled. "Who's ruling my life?"

"Greyson." She frowned, looking sad. "After him—after that visit from Liam—you're not the same. If you're so broken without him, wouldn't it better if you won him back? I know you have this whole plan with Liam, but doesn't _right now_ matter? Look at yourself. You don't look happy anymore." She held my hand, giving me strength. "Think about it. He might just be what you need to live again."

Think of right now... as in Greyson. How the fuck did I manage to think of him without shriveling from his hate-filled glances?

My thoughts halted when I saw the guys had started to stroll towards us, Jet included. Grey wore dark shades, geared in black from head to foot. Even from afar, my body was wired to respond to him.

It was the most frustrating thing in the world.

I was holding my breath as I watched him round the driver's side, sending out thank you prayers for having tinted windows as he and the rest hopped on board. If I could stick my face on the window I would because I didn't want to make any eye contact, especially with the driver.

"You guys set?" I heard him ask and everyone chimed in their excitement.

I was the only one dying here. It was only a weekend. I could easily survive it... that was until I accidently looked into the rearview mirror and my eyes clashed with his fiery golden ones. It was only a second before I broke away from his penetrating stare.

I couldn't breathe.

He knew I was here, in his car, and I didn't know what to think, what to do. The only thing I could always count on was him being busy with women once the party started. Hopefully, by then, he'd forget that I was part of this trip.

Where was Edith or Tiffany? How come I hadn't seen either one?

The two-hour drive seemed like it was going to go forever due to, for whatever reason, the fact that he was having a silent battle with me. It was as if he was daring me to look into the rearview mirror, and each and every time I succumbed, he'd be there... waiting.

This happened _five times_ , and each time our eyes clashed, he would just stare until I broke contact. He was fucking with me, and it was working.

I didn't think my heart settled from being dislodged in my throat for that entire drive to that rustic cabin, which would accommodate all fifteen of us.

"Where's Jet?" I asked Gavin the second I had the chance when he was unloading the bags out of the trunk. Josie was right next to us, busily texting her parents, and Grey was inside the cabin, turning on the heat and making sure everything was working fine.

He shrugged as he handed me my bag. "He's coming afterwards. He went to go and get a couple of his cousins that are visiting from New York."

"Cool. Thanks." There was nothing weird between Gavin and I, and thank goodness for that. I think he would be better off with Josie. Their personalities meshed with each other.

Josie decided to hang around downstairs with Gavin as I hunted down for our bedroom together. I was told that all the rooms were available; all except the master bedroom. That room was reserved for Greyson.

I had no idea where his bedroom was located in this massive log cabin. Since his was going to be huge and well equipped with all the bells and whistles, I had to follow my gut and scout for the simplest room, knowing it would be the total opposite of his. The room consisted of two full-sized beds, a shower and a decent size sitting area. It also overlooked the mountains covered with powdery snow, which glimmered like white crystals contrasting the pine trees.

_It's so beautiful here_ , I thought as I released a melancholy sigh. Loneliness wasn't a common occurrence, but as of late, I got a tinge of deep yearning for company from time to time. The only thing I could blame it on was relying so much on Liam during the summer season, and of course, that one-week stint I'd had with Greyson.

It truly was heart-warming to see Josie happy with her newly blossoming relationship with Gavin, but I had to admit, I did miss my friend sometimes. I thought Gavin would treat her so much better than her ex-boyfriend. Who needed a double-timing, piece of shit scumbag anyway?

From the sound of things, it looked like everyone was downstairs, catching up and unwinding. I wanted to join in on the fun, though I somehow felt left out. Apart from Josie, the rest were just school friends; there was nothing real there other than a bunch of people I studied with and partied with on occasion. Since everyone was probably drinking and lounging, I decided to take a nap. Maybe when I woke up later, I'd feel much better and would be able to stomach some alcohol in my system.

I slept like a baby, and when it was time to wake up, at first I was startled at my foreign surroundings. It took a while to dawn on me that I was in the cabin; it was hard _not_ to recall after I heard shrills of laughter coming from downstairs.

Sighing, I decided to take a quick shower and join the rest of the gang. My reading could start tomorrow. Tonight, I planned to enjoy and take full advantage of getting drunk and partying until the break of dawn. That was why we were here after all.

Dressed in cashmere leggings as well as a black, cable sweater paired with my black, flat boots, I headed for downstairs.

Fifteen people in one place could get rowdy, however the moment I entered the living room, all eyes were on me.

"Ah, you must be Olivia!" a tall, dark-haired man, roughly in his early twenties greeted me.

The first thing I thought was, _who the hell was he_? Second, _damn, was he single_? Liam and I had been having a little tiff for a few days now. He'd said that I was becoming insensitive. Could this be a prime example? Looked like it.

Giving him a friendly smile, I greeted him. Everyone was basically lounging around, some talking while the others played pool and video games. Grey was at the pool table, playing with Jet. From here, I had a great view of him. He'd changed his clothing, from dark to light. I was enjoying a carefree chat amongst everyone, including Gavin, when the dark-haired man again approached me, sitting himself right in between Josie and I.

He didn't address me much, but he made me hyperaware of him. I was laughing about his college life joke when I caught Greyson's gaze, deeply frowning at me.

It wasn't until our dinner of steak, mashed potatoes and green beans that the dark-haired man decided to introduce himself as Jack. We sat at the wooden dining table, fitting us all. Grey, of course, where he could see the entire group. He was already pink from drinking beer, but that didn't stop him from drinking more wine during dinner.

Through the course, I was conversing with Jack, Jet's cousin, who also happened to be an NYU student who had a toe fetish. Yes, I'd learned about this interesting tidbit after he had told me why he'd broken up with his ex. He was actually a funny guy, so funny, in fact, that I was too buzzed to realize that I had agreed to go in the hot tub with the five of them. But hey, I was in vacation mode right?

Half an hour later, I was sipping on my white wine with my bikini on, enjoying the contrast of cold temperatures and the hot, bubbly water soaking my flushed body.

I was fine... up until Greyson decided to join us, gracing the rest of us with his chiseled body. If his intention was for me to drool over him, then he'd gotten that and then some. I had forgotten how he looked undressed, but now, I had doubts that that luscious memory was going away.

It bothered me that he'd chosen to sit across from me. The hot tub was made for a party of ten and he could've chosen other spots, yet no, he had to sit across from me while I got all hot and bothered just from looking at him.

He kept brushing his hair with his fingers, giving it that wet look, as he laughed and sipped on his beer. Did I mention how gorgeous he looked flushed from alcohol?

Looking away from him was a hardship, it was as if the booze in my system had gotten my body humming, yearning for his touch.

As more guys from school entered, including some of Grey's friends—Damon, Baron and Jet—we had to make room, leaving us with very little space in between people. Jack had gotten bold and fished me out of my spot then placed me on his lap. He had done it so fast that I barely managed to protest from his "playful" antics before it was over.

At first, I was uncomfortable, but when I saw Greyson had started flirting with Tiffany's sidekick, Sam, I became a little angry. So angry that when they chimed "body shots", I decided to step out of the tub, excusing myself to get a glass of water.

Maybe the strong, aggressive feelings I had with Grey only came out when I was drinking. Whatever it was, I wanted it out. I needed to sober up or I would end up begging him to take me to bed. Fuck, yes, it was that bad. I was at that point; a point of no return. Life had so much to offer, but as of right now, I was rooting for a guy that was off limits.

The kitchen had people around and I wanted a little privacy so I decided to go downstairs where there was a lounge area with a projector screen and a fully stocked bar.

Holding the towel that wrapped around my body against my chest, I slowly made my way downstairs, hoping no one was around. A smile broke from my face when I found it empty. Making my way towards the bar, I pulled out a chilled bottled water, cracking it open, and then took a careful sip as I moved towards the fireplace. In the dark, the flames danced before my face, warming me and enchanting me by their captivating beauty.

Fire truly was beautiful, however it could unleash its damaging, ugly side. It also took lives.

How many people had been mesmerized by beauty and ended up shattered and broken?

Edith, though it was ages ago, I bet she'd still carryout her threat. Before Greyson had come, she had been a sweetheart and a dear friend, but she let it all slip away because of a boy; a boy she had been obsessed about.

"If you're waiting for him to come meet you down here, don't waste your breath."

I spun around, startled from the sudden intrusion of privacy. It was Greyson, leaning against the bar, looking poised... relaxed.

"Excuse me?" I narrowed my eyes on him, suspicious. What was he blabbing about?

"Jack."

He thought Jack was going to meet me here? If I wanted to hook up with him, I wouldn't go subtle. I would most probably flaunt it in Grey's face just as he had done to me upstairs.

Why was he here anyway? Wasn't he busy with Sam?

Ignoring him, I went on and stared at the fire, listening as the wood cracked, sparking a small burst of flames.

"Should I warn him that you're just a tease?"

I willed myself not to spit in his face. Douche, he was being an arrogant jerk!

"Or maybe the fact that you don't put out at all?" He paused, laughing drily. "Oh yeah, that was just me, huh? You only needed to fuck me good, not my dick, though. Nah, not you. You aimed higher than that."

_Son of a gun._ "Sounds like a personal problem to me." I glared at him. "But if I ever decide to fuck Jack, I'll make sure you hear it."

He shot out of his relaxed pose from the bar, striding towards me. His eyes... they had become fire— _alive_ —lit up even in the dark.

"I fucking dare you!" he gritted out.

"I wouldn't need daring!" I fumed.

He leaned close, whispering into my face, "Ha, you're all talk, princess."

"Screw. You."

He inched away from my face, studying it closely, like he was memorizing everything about it. "Oh, I've wanted to." His eyes dropped to the edge of the towel where my breasts sat confined. "For a long time," he finished in a raspy tone before meeting my gaze, heating my body in flames. "Say it—and I'll have you screaming my name in less than a minute."

_Say something_ , I quietly urged my will, but I was left without any smart comeback. Grey's spell had been cast. The powerful pull of his lava-like gaze melted me inside out. This curling need that had been simmering in my core could only be unleashed by him—his touch.

"You know it'll be good..." The back of his fingers grazed my cheeks, sliding down to my neck. "Let's get it out of our system... Just this once..."

Once. Could we keep this to ourselves? Was he right? Would this deep pang of yearning ebb away? _Once..._ Maybe I could go through this. For one night, I could actually have him.

"You hate me."

He softly grabbed my hand and guided it towards his hardened state. "Does it feel like I hate you?" He pressed harder against my shaky hand. "Does it?"

I shook my head, speechless; I had been mesmerized by his impressive size. Although normally, I would be appalled by his more than blatant intentions, right now, my hand was glued against him. There wasn't one piece of me that was protesting his manhandling.

Standing in the middle of the room with only the fireplace to light the area, Grey kissed me, and this time it was different.

It wasn't his usual, hungered, slow torture kisses, no. This time, his kiss felt like finality; a welcome and a goodbye. It was fire and ice. I could feel his hate and his passion.

I felt him... _I felt it all._

It barely registered that my towel had already been peeled off my body. He had moved in a rapid, energetic pace. All the while he was gently grinding against my hand at the same time that his hands were busy touching, squeezing as he expertly took off my bikini top.

He was kissing me thoroughly, not giving me time to process anything at all.

"I need you so bad," he murmured against my lips, one hand cupping behind my head, unwilling to let my lips go anytime soon.

I responded in the same feverish manner. I had become desperate. Intense. Ravenous.

A sharp yelp crossed my lips when I felt him playfully tug at my nipple. "Fuck, Grey..."

He groaned while both hands were now playing with my breasts. "Very soon... you'll know how I fuck—and I fuck really well."

Gently, he lowered me onto the dark, sheepskin rug. His eyes connected with mine, making sure I was with him all the way, and I was.

The cool softness of the rug cushioned my back as my half-lidded gaze watched the man before me, eyes glued to me, looking at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. His fiery gaze made me feel everything.

Reaching out to touch his face, our eyes spoke silently, basking in each other's faces, consuming every detail as we exposed our bodies.

When he lowered his head and his lips captured a nipple, I lifted my chest towards him, seeking more of his touch. One by one, he pulled at the strings of my bikini bottoms.

The moment I realized what he was aiming to do, my hands reached out to his face, pulling it towards me, pleading.

"Kiss me," I begged. "Please."

"Olivia," he moaned my name as he situated himself in-between my heated thighs, feeling my passion as our kiss deepened once more.

Pressing forward, he let the tip of his shaft graze the lower lips, teasing it slowly as he made love to my lips. My body felt like it was going through wave after wave of sensory quakes. Each touch rippled through me.

I knew what was coming soon, but I had to ask him anyway. "Condom?"

He broke our kiss, though he kept his face so close to mine. "Upstairs," he breathed out, panting. "Give me a minute."

Shit. I didn't have a minute to spare. "Are you safe?" I knew how his lifestyle went and I needed to make sure he was being responsible when it came to his body.

He nodded. "Positive. I get myself checked every six months. Everything's good."

Licking my lips, I gave a small nod. "Okay."

"Liv, I—"

I cut him off with a passionate kiss. Words always got in the way. Tonight was mine. I wanted every moment to be ingrained in my memory, and talking certainly wasn't a part of it.

Slowly opening my legs wider to accommodate him, his body shivered when his tip slid on top of my clit, sending warm tingles all over me. I felt its pulse, waiting adamant for my body.

Our noses touched and our mouths remained slightly open as we stared into each other's eyes as we concentrated on the beauty of the friction. His eyes were intense, penetrating into my soul as he readied our bodies.

I clung on to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he slid himself lower towards my opening, teasing and cajoling my entrance with the tip of his shaft. I felt its angry pressure, wanting to invade, wanting to break me open.

"Fuck, why can't I go in?" He thrust one more time before he finally went into my wet channel, breaking my barrier at the same time. It evoked a sharp yelp from me.

He stilled, pushing up on his elbows as he eyed me fully. "Liv?" he asked in a strained voice—full of wonder. "Did I hurt you?"

He was throbbing halfway inside me, looking like he was being tested for restraint. I gladly appreciated that he had some control to pause, to stop and ask me if I was okay.

Apart from the ebbing pain, I felt great. _He_ felt amazing. Glorious. Superb.

"Kiss me. Take me slowly this time."

His eyes held questions while he wiped the tears that had been freed from the side of my face with the pad of his thumbs. He gently kissed the spots where it was still damp from my tears before staring into my eyes, disarming me with his intensity.

"I knew it was always going to be you." He lightly kissed me. "It's always been you." He took my lips once more, never letting them go as he slowly made love to my body and soul.

He was gentle, but as our bodies demanded more, his pace gradually picked up, shattering us both as we moaned each other's name.

I had never thought that the last part could be this profound, life-altering kind of experience where I felt him becoming one with me. In that moment, he was mine and I was his. I felt intense joy as I became awash with emotions while I held his spent body, him breathing heavily on my neck as he slowly kissed it.

"Thank you."

I wanted to cry. His words, the ones he'd said earlier, held meaning; but I had nothing to say, so I kept my mouth shut.

We remained still for another minute or so before he finally decided to get up and clean himself. The dancing fire only illuminated his toned body as my eyes ate him up, blatantly admiring him without shame.

"Shit—anyone could walk in on us!" The thought had just dawned on me, making me panic as I eyed my clothes, ready to dash.

Greyson gave me his arresting smile. "Oh, now you worry? Calm down; I made sure I locked the door before coming down here." He strode over to the washroom, running the water before coming back with a black hand towel.

"How did you know your actions were going to be successful this time?" I eyed him warily. Somehow the thought of him plotting to get into my pants cheapened the experience we'd both just shared.

He sat on the rug, facing me as he cupped my cheek, making sure I saw the truth in his eyes. "I'm guilty for always wanting you. You've known that almost all your life. You became this challenge—a dream—but never doubt that tonight has been special for me... because it has." He waited for me to say something, but I looked away, feeling too much.

"Liv... I found traces of blood when I cleaned up."

Still, I remained silent, staring at the fire.

"Are you on your period? Or is this what I think it is?"

I didn't want to freak him out, yet either way, I knew I had to tell him the truth.

Flushing, I bit down on my lips, ready to face embarrassment. "I had my period last week."

"Oh, wow." He sounded shocked. " _You mean?_ " He blew out a breath. " _Yeah???_"

Was he running out of words? Sounded like it. "Yeah." I was, too, it seemed.

What did I do now? Just walking out of here? Shit.

Not wanting to face him, I eyed my scattered clothes as I reached for my bikini bottoms, not willing to show him how this was affecting me.

"Hey, hey—stop." He reached for my arm before twisting half of my body so I could be face to face with him. "Come here." He kissed the top of my forehead then left another on my lips. "I'm honored, even though I have so many questions right now..."

I gave him a small smile, grateful for him not gunning me with questions that were on the tip of his lips.

He gently wiped me with the black towel he had retrieved earlier and made sure I was clean before he wrapped a towel around my body.

"There's a secret passage that leads to the main hall upstairs," he informed me. "I want to give you a warm bath, so you're not sore tomorrow."

What? Grey gave women baths? "It's not necessary. I'm okay." Was he feeling guilty? Shit, I hoped not.

"Please?" he begged. "Let me take care of you." His voice held a plea. "Don't worry, no one will see us."

Damn, as if I could really resist him right now, especially not after what had just happened between us. "Show me the way."

## 25

# Liv

Grey did give me a long, hot bath in his suite. I enjoyed him washing my body as I leaned against his chest. Not once did he try anything sexual, either. At first I was glad, but as the time progressed, I started to worry. He even went so far as to dress me in his shirt.

His room had a fireplace going, too, and like downstairs, I was drawn into staring at it.

"Feel like spending the night with me?" he whispered from behind my back, hugging me from behind while he planted his chin on the top of my head.

I wanted to, however I didn't want Josie poking in my business as of yet. Besides, we still had tomorrow. "Josie might wonder where I've gone..."

I could feel him smiling against my ear. "You know she's going straight into Gavin's room, right? Did you see how those two were all night?"

Then there was always that possibility. Either way, I needed a breather to take it all in. "Maybe next time?"

"Okay, I'll let you slide this time." He took hold of my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "Ready for bed? I'll walk you to your room."

"You sure? I can find my way." Even though the cabin was enormous, sooner or later, I'd reach it. I hoped.

He swiftly spun me around to face him, beaming down before me. "Of course I'm sure. Besides, I want to kiss you goodnight."

Darn was that my heart fluttering or my stomach doing somersaults? "I'd like that very much."

"God, you're too everything." He kissed the tip of my nose, eyes glittering at me. "I just want..." He paused, sighing. "Never mind. We can talk some other time." He tugged on my hand, planting a kiss on the back of it. "Let's go."

_What was he about to say?_ I wondered. I wanted to ask, but I wasn't sure I had the answers to his questions.

In the dimly lit hallways, we walked hand in hand until he reached my room without me telling him where to go. "How'd you know where I was staying?" I hush-whispered at him, amazed.

"Let's just say I keep a close eye on all of my guests." His thumb brushed my cheek while his eyes zeroed in on my lips. "You most especially."

I looked around, noting that the empty hallways remained the same before I brazenly pulled his face to mine, kissing him with everything I had. Grey responded in the same manner. We were breathless as we eyed each other with want—with need. Goodness, could I want him again after what had happened not that long ago? Fuck, yes.

"Grey," I breathed out.

"Olivia."

Licking my swollen lips, I grudgingly said my goodnight. "I'll see you tomorrow?" I wasn't sure how things would be tomorrow morning. Hopefully, it would be just as blissful.

"Count on it." He leaned over and whispered into my ear, "Sleep well."

With a heavy heart, I went inside my bedroom. Without switching the lights on, I headed straight for bed, wanting to dream about what had occurred with Greyson tonight.

Just as he predicted, Josie didn't show up, so I had the room all to myself. At some part of the night, I had to stop myself from seeking his warm body, to take him up on his invitation.

Tomorrow was another day. Maybe I could have him for another day after all. I smiled before closing my eyes, finally succumbing to exhaustion.

The next morning, my senses were on high before I even opened my eyelids. My nose kissed something soft, something that smelled florally and silky.

Fluttering my lids open, my sight was greeted with red roses that had been splayed out on the pillow right next to mine. There was a small note next to it, which had been handwritten by him.

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_My heart skips each time I think of you._

Picking up one of the velvety red-tipped flowers, I placed it against my nose and inhaled its intoxicating scent. It filled me with anticipation of seeing him again. I took one stem and broke up the top, saving the rose as I got up and scoured for a book. _Pride and Prejudice_ was the first thing I saw. After inserting the rose in there along with his note, I went back to the rest of the flowers and found a glass to put them in then filled it with water and placed it on the table settee. I smiled at it before hop-skipping towards the bathroom to have a quick shower.

After ten minutes, I was out the door, dressed in white sweat pants and a white cable top, ready to greet everyone as I descended the stairs, but I was surprised to find that the cabin was eerily silent.

I stood in the middle of the living room, wondering where they had all gone. What time was it anyway? Glancing at the rustic wall clock, it indicated that it was about half past ten. It was still early, but where the hell did they all go? Besides, where was Greyson? He was the one who I wanted to see the most.

"Good morning! I'm glad you're up." I heard him behind me.

When I spun around with an overeager smile, I saw him halfway down the stairs, studying me.

Should I say something about the note he'd written me? Or should I just sidestep around it?

"Good morning." I moved closer to him. "I got your flowers." I bit my lip when he remained silent. "You were the one who sent them, right?"

"Unless you have another secret admirer?" His eyebrow rose, questioning.

Why was he being weird? Was it because of the note?

I shook my head. "Not that I know of." I looked around because my sanity couldn't handle gazing at him when all I wanted to do was run up to him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. "Where did they all go?" I wondered out loud.

"Skiing. Snowboarding."

Why wasn't he joining in on the fun?

"I can take you if you'd like," he offered, still unmoving from his spot on the stairs.

I shook my head, slowly moving towards the kitchen. "I'm fine. You go right ahead."

As I made it to the kitchen, I had the thought that coffee would help my brain function to be sharp and keen instead of having a mini-heart attack each and every time I heard him around me. When did I start becoming like this? I always had control of my body. Always. Even with Liam, I had exceptional restraint; but when it came to Greyson, my will vanished.

There was a pot full of coffee sitting about and I went straight to it, trying my damnedest not to think too much about what was going on with his actions.

_My heart skips each time I think of you._ What the fuck did I say to that? My heart did the Cha Cha and Meringue each time I thought of him, however I would never say it out loud. Because if I did... the consequences were too high and I just couldn't risk it.

"Can I get you anything to eat? There's fresh croissants, pastries and fresh fruits. There's pancakes and a bunch of cereal in here as well. They even have Lucky Charms." Lucky Charms had always been my favorite. It bothered me a little bit that he still remembered my favorite cereal from yesteryears.

He was somewhere in the vast kitchen, but I concentrated on filling my cup with coffee, sugar and cream before stirring it lazily, watching as it blended together from a rich, dark brown to a creamy, delicious tan.

"I'm fine." Carefully sipping on my mug, I was surprised when I found him stacking my plate with food. "I'm not hungry, Greyson."

"Spare me the excuse. I want to feed you." He pulled a chair out at the dining table. "Sit."

"But I said I'm not hungry," I protested, frustrated at his ice-cold treatment of me.

"Have a little. I promise I will leave you alone after this." He sounded like he meant every word.

Leave me alone for the rest of the day, or leave me alone for good? I was afraid to find out. There were things I couldn't undo, and being with him was one of them.

"Okay."

Silently I ate a croissant with butter and a few pieces of fruit. All the while I felt the heavy weight of his stare. I knew he wanted to say something to me, but he was holding himself back.

Feeling like I had to say something to ease the tension, I blurted out, "I'm sorry for last night. It shouldn't have happened." It shouldn't have, but I was happy that it had.

"Why do you do this?" he finally asked after a full minute of silence.

I barely glanced at him without meeting his eyes. "Do what?"

"You gave yourself to me last night... and you wake up the next day as if nothing's happened. Why?" His voice cracked. "Why do you do it?"

He was getting way too emotionally involved after one night. "Grey... I... It's compli—"

"I don't want it to end," he gritted out. "I don't want _us_ to end."

I pulled my arms off the table, placing them on my lap as I stared at it, wondering if I had lost my mind. I was really thinking hard about what he had just said.

"If people knowing about you and me bothers you because our parents are dating, we'll keep it quiet until you're ready to tell everyone—I don't care. I just want you. _You_ and no one else, Olivia."

How did we keep it between ourselves? Sooner or later, he was going to demand more. He was that kind of guy who wanted it all, and I couldn't give him my all. I simply couldn't.

"I'll think about it." I wanted to buy time, even just for a little while.

"How long do you need?"

"I don't know." I was aware of what the outcome would be, yet the selfish part of me wanted to keep seeing him, too. It was inevitable that one of us would get hurt, but looking at him now; he wasn't ready to give up the fight.

"I'll wait... however long it takes. I'll wait."

"Grey—"

He silenced me as he cupped my face, penetrating his gaze into me. " _I'll wait._ Last night, you showed me something beautiful, something special that _you_ alone could give me." His eyes flickered back and forth. "I'll wait." He meant every word. Vowing as if it were life and death.

I nodded, feeling helpless. "Okay." How much time did I have? A month? A couple? A few?

No matter what, I had already sealed my fate. I wanted the forbidden fruit and the consequences were going to come knocking soon, but as for now, I had him.

That's all that mattered.

For now.

## 26

# Grey

"So this was what you had in mind all weekend long?" I said out loud, playing with her toes. " _Reading romance?_"

Olivia looked engrossed in her novel while I was equally as engrossed in watching her. I sat there, staring at her for over an hour with the fireplace warming us up in the basement lounge area; the same place where beautiful things had happened last night.

I think I had a serious case of Olivia hangover, but I didn't care. I was going to enjoy every moment with her.

"Well, do you have anything in mind?" Her brow rose up, but she kept on reading.

The things I wanted from her, and how I wanted to reenact what had happened last night on the same rug, got me uncomfortable. My sweatpants felt like they were constraining me.

"How about we make a snowman?" I pulled on her big toe just to get her attention. Getting hard while I watched her read was the last thing I needed.

"Ah." She pouted when the bone cracked a release. "Fine—Geez, snowman it is. You didn't have to hurt me, you know."

"Sorry, princess. Here, let me make it all better." I kissed her black-lacquer tipped toe. She was too cute; everything about her made me all fuzzy inside. Didn't that just sound like something a pussy would say? Fuck. How did I become a sappy man without looking like I was losing my man-like edge? _This shit blows._

So we spent our afternoon right outside the cabin, throwing snowballs in-between making a half-assed snowman. I didn't think I had that much fun since... ever.

When the rest of the gang started flooding in, we kept to ourselves, keeping our distance until I could get secret kisses from her. I loved how she would blush each and every time our eyes met and I would wink at her. Who would have guessed that Olivia Taylor had been a virgin before last night? All those guys that bragged; well, they just stupidly boasted.

She was mine. I had known it all along. The only problem I had afterward was for her to know it; for her to see that we were meant to be. After she had sealed her fate with me in that closet during third grade spin the bottle, I had known she was the one.

It was obvious that everyone was going to party the night away since it was our last night here. The next day, we were driving back home.

Jet kept throwing me knowing glances, but I didn't speak a word of it. He liked to fuck with my brain when it came to Olivia. I didn't have to break it down to him; the fucker just knew where I stood with her. I guessed he'd had his own motives for fucking with my head, though. After what he pulled with Olivia and that stupid fight we'd had after I saw them in bed together, shit got real for me.

There was no denying that I was in too deep for Olivia, but to admit that and pursue her again scared me senseless. Sure, she had tried to seek me out—she was worried even—but none of it had implied what I wanted to hear from her. I wanted it _all_ —every last piece of her.

Ignoring her for a while worked, however when I saw her in the car, trying not to look at me, I just couldn't help it, my guard started slipping.

I thought I was being wise when I had been flirting with Sam, hoping I'd get distracted from her sitting on Jack's lap. The jealousy ate at me, though, and when I saw her jump out of the tub, all Hell broke loose. I had thought she and Jack were going to meet somewhere and finish whatever they had been whispering about.

So I had to get there before that cocky bastard found her, locking the door behind me just to make sure we were all alone so I could make a move on her. What I didn't expect was for her to surprise _me_. Her giving me her purity—her beauty—was the greatest gift she could ever give me. She didn't even know it, but she had changed my life forever.

All the hurt and pain she'd caused me still remained, yet I was willing to move past it, hoping she was willing to push through it; to fight for us, if the time was right. Last night proved how strong that promised fate was. I believed in it, believed in her. I had an overwhelming conviction that, at the end of the day, she and I belonged together, to each other.

An hour had passed since Olivia had excused herself to her room after we'd had dinner, and it was another hour after I had joined in on the games and drinking before I thought of leaving. I didn't want to be too obvious. I had plans for tonight and I had hoped that she would have an appetite for what I had in mind.

Excusing myself from my friends, I gathered what I needed and went straight into my bedroom. It took me over half an hour to get everything ready and situated.

Now, out in the hallway, I rubbed my hands together as I walked along towards her bedroom. Once I reached it, I blew out a breath before I knocked loudly three times. When I opened it, I was surprised to see her on the sofa with her nose still stuck in her book.

"I knocked three times and you didn't even bother opening?" I said the second the door shut behind me.

She smiled, still reading her novel. "Sorry. Story's getting serious."

Damn, she looked too adorable. "I'm getting serious, too—from absolute neglect."

She flickered her gaze at me. "Oh, yeah? You sure don't look it."

I slid my hands in my pockets, not swaying from her charming display of smiles. "You still owe me a kiss." I licked the bottom of my lip, missing her badly. "I'm waiting, Olivia."

"Oh, now where's my manners, huh?" She shut the book loudly before running up towards me, jumping on my body and kissing me hungrily.

I wanted to strip her naked and worship her body, but fuck, I had to wait. "Are you up for some dessert?" I asked between kisses while my hands fully cupped her tight ass. God, she was fucking delicious. I groaned, thinking about her tight body.

"I'm up for whatever you have in mind."

That's my girl. It took me another minute before I finally broke free from her with my body wildly protesting from it, but I pushed my needs to the side and focused on her. I wanted to show her a fun night.

Besides, I wanted what I had planned to last for hours, and for me to achieve that, I had to wait it out and simply enjoy being in her presence.

Coming out of her room, we walked side by side towards mine, and when I opened my door, I heard her gasp in surprise.

The area close to the fireplace had been transformed into a bed of roses. I had champagne chilled in a bucket, chocolate fondue, different fruits and pastries with soft jazz playing in the background.

"Grey, this looks marvelous," she said as she slowly walked towards it then took her boots off and carefully stepped onto the rose petals, grinning like a little girl.

"I'm glad you approve." Honestly, this was the most elaborate thing I had ever done for any woman; for anyone really. So I was nervous, but now that I saw how much she adored it, I was grinning along with her.

Our night started sweet until our bodies demanded more. I worshipped her gorgeous, naked body with chocolate, eating her out with it drizzled everywhere, savoring her like a ripened fruit.

It was exquisite to be her first time experience. Her innocence, and the look of shock each and every time she came in my mouth, drove me to please her more.

My lovemaking usually went rough, however with Olivia, I had to find a happy medium. I had to know when to slow down and when to up the tempo.

I had her once. Twice. More than a few times all through the night. We would fall asleep in each other's arms and then I would wake up from a nap, wanting her again. Over and over again, I got lost in her. I wanted to stay this way. To have her anytime I wanted. To have her as mine. I wished keeping her wasn't so difficult, but I was going to attempt it.

She hadn't mentioned anything about the note I had written for her, though that was okay. I had half expected her not to say anything, but still, it somehow killed something inside me when she pretended that I hadn't laid everything out there for her.

In the next few hours, we would be heading back home. As I stared at her sleeping face, I couldn't resist touching her skin. I had to feel her softness, needing to know that this wasn't all a dream; that it truly was my reality.

I longed for nothing to change, but I knew that would be stupid of me to assume that. First of all, there was Liam. Was he still in the picture? She hadn't said anything. Second, there was an issue with our parents. Third, there was Olivia, who still hadn't said anything about where this was going.

There was nothing I could do except feel optimistic though, because after all, if you wished for things hard enough, didn't those dreams comes true? Having Olivia in my bed had proved it right, and I anticipated that my other hopes would be heard as well.

I wasn't one to ask for a lot in life, but this time, I truly was asking for her to stay in my life for as long as possible.

## 27

# Liv

Greyson and I had just gotten out of the SUV after the drive from Big Bear. We were hovering about the vehicle; giving each other long looks while our parents were inside waiting for us to join them for an early dinner.

Usually, he headed towards the side of the house while I went through the main door, but before I could manage to walk towards the door, Grey pushed me to the side, kissing me one more time.

God, this man could kiss me for as long as he liked. His lovemaking sent me to places I hadn't known existed—and God how I wanted him now. Again. _And again_.

"Are we good?" he whispered onto my lips, looking uncertain.

I smiled, touching his cheek. "We are." _For now_.

"Come to me tonight?" he asked, gently pushing his lower half against mine. "Please. I need you."

I honestly needed to sleep because last night's festivities had seriously drained me, but maybe I could see him for an hour or two. "I can't promise what time—try to wait up for me."

"Okay." His face grew serious all of a sudden, making me hitch my breathing. "I'll miss you, Liv."

"We're going to eat dinner soon. I'm going to be sitting across from you." Silly guy. Where did he think I was heading? Timbuktu? It didn't matter, though, because my heart was skipping a beat.

"I _always_ miss you." He kissed my forehead before slowly letting me go. "Even when you're near. Always remember that."

There was sweet and then there was _sweet_. Greyson had exceeded everything I had expected of him. He had gone far and beyond to appease me. I was impressed, in awe, amazed and speechless all rolled into one. If he kept going like this, how long would my resistance, and not to mention my sanity, be able to handle his charms?

During the meal, we acted the same. Well, our parents didn't seem to notice, but Grey and I kept giving each other secret glances.

Reality didn't check in until an hour after dinner when I was alone in my room, unpacking as a call came in from Liam.

I stared at my ringing cell phone, wondering if I should get it or not. All weekend we hadn't spoken. What did I say to him? I didn't even know what was going through my head... my heart. So talking to him would be pointless right now. I needed to wait until I knew how things would unfold.

At around eleven that evening, I cautiously strolled towards the pool house where I found Grey waiting outside, leaning against the entrance of his place. He looked as though he had all the time in the world as he stared up above, possibly counting down stars or something.

"Find something interesting up there?" I stood a few inches away from him, amused as my eyes roved over him, already hungry. He was so gorgeous it hurt.

"I love stars," he merely said before dropping his head back down, meeting my gaze. "Hello, hello."

"Hi." I wanted to add, _miss me?_ but thank goodness I retracted that part.

Slowly walking over to me barefoot, he stopped just a hairsbreadth away, which was just enough for my senses to smell him. "Miss me?"

_Very much._ God, I did. I knew what he was talking about now... "Maybe a little."

"You didn't expect that, did you?" His eyes twinkled, telling me that he'd already known what I was feeling.

If he wasn't correct, or if he wasn't being too cute for his own good... "You have an hour, Edwards. Do you really want to spend that on talking?" I loved sparring with him best of all; I also liked the fact that this guy didn't annihilate me on the spot.

The night was young. So were we. I wished time would stand still so I could keep feeling like this—like I was floating on air—with no one around, except Grey and his intense, fiery eyes looking down at me as if I was his only purpose in life.

So far our secret had mostly remained between the two of us, although I was almost certain that Jet knew because the man gave me a knowing smile each and every time our paths crossed. Then there was Josie... Well, she was my bestfriend. It wasn't like I could hide anything from her.

As for Liam, I had sent him a message stating that I wanted to live my life without restrictions. That when the time came, if he allowed it, I would love to see him when I got to Sydney and speak to him face to face. He had known, of course, without me trying to break it down to him, however I refused to lay it out for him without explaining myself thoroughly. He deserved my full explanation—that was if he was willing to see me in six months time. I hoped then all things would be clear and maybe, just maybe, we could even be friends.

The holidays came and went, and we spent a cozy foursome singing Christmas carols, watching holiday films and enjoying family time. All the while, Grey pursued me relentlessly in the background.

Things progressed quietly.

Inside, we were more consumed with one another, though. My veil of bliss lived on for two months. Naïve that I was, I thought I could possibly go through this scar-free, but alas, real life intervened and gave me a big wake up call.

I had just gotten out of my class, heading towards my locker, when the wicked witch of San Fernando Valley came looking for me in the form of Edith; former best friend and severely obsessed with Greyson Edwards. She was flipping her hair from side to side, as if that should intimidate me. It didn't, though she held a threat that would inevitably drive me away.

"You think you're all that smart, don't you? Well, guess what, bitch? I'm on to you!" she sneered while leaning in a bit so she could whisper her next words to me. "If you're gonna keep on being a dumb slut, watch out, 'cause I won't hold back next time. You get that, don't you?"

I did. I fucking did, but she was so arrogant that it rubbed me the wrong way. "What the fuck are you going to do, huh? That was decades ago. Get over it!" I hissed back, not wanting to be around her. I wanted to leave, yet the witch's claws dug into my skin, holding me down.

"Think about your mom. Do you think that Brett Edwards, if he knew about this, would stick around? He'd leave her in a heartbeat. Besides, you fucking promised that Greyson was mine!"

Brett, how had I forgotten about him? Even if what Edith said wasn't true, it might embarrass him enough that he would leave my mom. Those two had been in their crazy honeymoon phase in the relationship, but if news broke, was his love enough to keep them together?

Glaring at Edith, I tried to settle the sinking feeling in my stomach. "Leave me the fuck alone!" I hissed, departing in haste.

I heard her laugh. " _You wish, bitch!_"

For the rest of the day, I tried to focus on my classes, but it didn't work. Edith's threats gnawed on me. It wasn't just about Greyson anymore. This was about Mom and Brett, too.

I had four more months until I left for Sydney. How the heck did I go about this without hurting anyone; Greyson most especially?

## 28

# Liv

Greyson: _ Where are you? Are you up for movies tonight? I want to take you up on that date night._

Shit. I had been in my room after rushing back from school in dire need to think. He had been heading out with Jet after school, but time and time again, he always surprised me with little treats, like this one.

Me: _Sorry, lover boy, have a lot on my plate. Rain check?_

People at first wondered where the playboy in him had gone, but as the time went on, people were saying that he was trying to woo me. Little did they know that he had captured me, hook, line and sinker.

At one point, my mom had given me a little pep talk about Greyson. She said if there was something going on, I should let her know. She didn't have anything against him, however she had wanted to make sure I was fine. I didn't fully admit that there was really something between Grey and me, but I did tell her that Grey had treated me like a queen so far. After I had said that, she'd trusted my decisions, and if I was ready to tell her, she was always going to be there whenever I did spill the beans.

She wasn't slow, she had known something was up, but she was being gentle at her approach about the subject, and I greatly respected her for that. She was perfectly aware there were several things going on in my life. There was my major move to a different continent coming up, finishing school, and different sorts of boy problems to top the cake.

Greyson had been patient, understanding that I didn't want a label, nor did I want to discuss anything that dealt with the future. I liked to live in the moment, and he was happy to comply for the time being.

I went to sleep, thinking and hoping that I would know how to solve my current problems. No matter how great Mom was willing to be about Greyson, I wasn't sure of how Brett would react, and that weighed on me heavily.

The next thing I knew, I had woken up, sweating as if I had a fever. Reaching for the bottled water on my nightstand, I tried to think and breathe rationally, but my heart rate failed to decline. It was thumping against my chest as well as ringing in my ears while I tried to rehash what I had just dreamt about.

Sliding out of my covers, I slowly got out of bed and moved towards the window, looking over to Grey's pool house. Was he home?

It was one in the morning, however even on school days, sometimes he would spend his night with Jet. He was an avid racer and I wasn't. It was scary to think of him driving those swift curves in the canyons, but it was his passion. Even if I begged, which I wouldn't, I knew it was one thing he wouldn't give up.

His place was dark, but that didn't stop me from going over to it. Even if he wasn't home, I wanted to be around his things, his smell... anything of him would comfort me right now. Reaching for the door handle, it opened without a hitch, and I was greeted with silence as I walked around his living room area.

When I strode over to his bedroom, I was surprised that there was light reflecting from underneath the door, indicating that he was, in fact, home.

Rushing towards it, I yanked the door open, and I was greeted with him patching up something on his forehead with the sink water running.

_"What happened?"_ I freaked, my eyes full of fright as I watched him wash a large, gushing cut just above his left eyebrow.

"Had a fight. No biggie," he said as he plastered a Band-Aid on his cut.

"What fight? Maybe you need to go to the ER to get that stitched up?" Jesus. What the hell had happened to him?

"Jason Holt made a stupid comment about you leaving for Sydney and shacking up with your boyfriend. Apparently, he and Edith have been quite close and she spilled some juicy details to him."

"Oh." Jason Holt, football team captain, who I also had gone on a couple of dates with. Nothing happened.

Grey spun around, looking pissed off still. "So I had to shut him up. He was telling lies and I didn't appreciate it. Not one fucking bit."

Jason wasn't really that far off with his tale. "You didn't have to hurt him."

He reached out to me, cupping my cheek. "Sydney is a no-go, right? Tell me he's wrong?"

I couldn't lie to him. My future had been all planned out. "I'm still going," I finally whispered to him, eyes pleading, hoping he'd understand.

"Can't you change schools? I was thinking of us going together to USC or UCLA or something... I want to be near you."

I shook my head, hating myself for causing the hurt in his eyes. "I have everything planned out. That's why I couldn't talk about anything regarding the future with you." I remembered Edith's threats and I knew I had to kill two birds with one stone; I had been given the perfect opportunity.

His face dropped. "Haven't the past months changed your mind? Haven't I been important in your life?" His voice shook. "You've been the center of mine, Olivia."

"Grey, can we just—"

"What? Take it one day at a time? Forget about it? What?" he gritted out, eyes full of pain.

"I don't know what to say—"

"Say something that would make me feel less like shit!"

I was starting to get frustrated, but I knew I had made tons of mistakes with him. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

"You're sorry?" He brushed past me, striding towards his bedroom as he drastically took his shirt off and threw it on the bed. Furious didn't even cover it. "Look at me!" He tapped on his chest. "I'm fucking balls deep in love with you!" He swallowed. _"Can't you see that?"_

Maybe I had, but I had refused to acknowledge it. I shook my head, denying all the feelings that were evoked in me. "I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I've always been in love with you... but you still refuse to acknowledge it."

Deep down, I knew he had. His words, his touch, and the way he looked at me always entailed that he did, but I continuously refused to see it. "Grey—I'm so sorry. I didn't know." I licked my lips, buying time. "What do I do now?"

He looked away. "I don't know," he huffed out. "I just told the woman I love that I love her like crazy and all she had to say was 'I'm so sorry'. So I don't know."

"Grey—please." I tried to reach out to him, but he refused my advances.

" _Don't_ —just fucking don't," he said with his back to me. "I need to think."

His tone drained my face of blood. _"For how long?"_ I whispered, scared.

"I don't know anymore, Olivia."

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me do it. "I'm here whenever you're ready to talk."

Greyson barely acknowledged my words, so I stood there a while, hoping he would change his mind. After five minutes longer of him speaking without words, I knew it was my cue to leave.

If he needed space, I was going to give it to him. If he needed time, I would provide that, too. How long would it take him to come back to me, though?

## 29

# Grey

"Need some company?" Edith gestured at the seat next to me, but I remained silent. I didn't want anyone's company. The only one I could tolerate was Jet and that was about it.

"Nah, I'm good." I shook my head before standing up, ready to leave the beach party.

"I'm always here for you, baby. Don't forget that," she called out after me.

Her eagerness didn't help with my sour mood. If things had turned out differently, I would still be happy right now.

It was Valentine's Day today. It had been a week since I had spoken to Olivia, not from her lack of trying. Her messages were left unanswered, her smiles were not acknowledged, her attempts at making small conversations were brushed off.

Maybe I was overreacting, maybe I wasn't. All I knew was that she didn't love me. That alone was enough to fuck me over.

Jet kept telling me to swallow my pride and keep on loving her, but I fucking couldn't. She was leaving in four months. Where would that leave me then?

The thing that really got to me was how willing I had been to change myself. Fuck, I had even gone as far as submitting college applications. I had never had any plans to go spend four years at some university, but none of that had mattered when I'd thought of Olivia. I had known she liked educated men. From what I had seen with Liam, the guy was primed to make something of himself in the future. If that was the kind of guy she liked, then I could try and be that, too.

Stupid me, thinking that I was good enough. I was never going to be enough. Not for her anyway.

At some point in time during these past months, I had really believed that something meaningful was being shared between the two of us. Each time I had kissed her, each time I'd touched her, I had felt her come alive. How was it possible that she didn't feel that connection?

"'Ey, yo, Grey! Got some new snow," Scrap, the hometown dealer, greeted me. It seemed that he was bringing the party to life.

"Nah—I'm cool, man."

He looked me over, skeptical. "You sure, bro?"

Was I sure? Fuck, I wasn't sure about anything anymore. "Okay, give me an eight ball."

After our quick exchange, I made a quick exit. I really wasn't feeling it. Something inside of me felt like it had been switched off. Nothing was making me happy. Certain things that had usually gotten a reaction from me, now merely received a shrug, and then I kept things to myself.

For seven days, I had felt like I was dragging myself into a dark abyss, but I knew, sooner or later, even when my mind was protesting, my heart would reach out to her.

I could only put up so many barriers for so long; the day would come where she would bring it all down. _Just like that_. It had happened before and it would happen again.

Going home wasn't really what I'd had in mind. In fact, I was thinking of going to the plateau, but I somehow ended up parked right outside my house.

Four bottles of beer usually did nothing for me, but since I had drunk it on an empty stomach, I was feeling the buzz pretty well.

The second I entered the pool house, I strode towards the music system and switched it to a song that I liked before turning on the lamp. Bright lights I couldn't deal with right now. I slung myself on the couch then, with my eyes closed, I listened to the beat of the music. None of it helped my troubled mind.

Pulling out the powder from my pocket, I stared at it a while, thinking about the last time I had used. It had been right after I'd spoken to my mother. Speaking of which, she had sent me a message today, demanding that she see me for dinner sometime that week. I hated her, but I always ended up seeing her anyway.

Call me a coward, however a tiny part in me yearned for her love and attention. It always won me over; though there was only a puny chance she would ever warm up to me.

Shifting into a sitting position, I opened the clear packet and poured the snowy, powdered form onto the crystal coffee table. I found a dollar bill in my pocket that I rolled into a makeshift straw. Bending over just enough for the bill to hover above it, I pressed on the side of my right nostril before my left sucked on the haphazard line I had made for myself.

It burned my nose and my throat then I felt it travel all the way to my lungs. The sensation was rapid, working immediately through my bloodstream. It didn't take long until I felt it hit me, numbness and a sense of ease wrapped around me as I shut my eyes closed, loving the substance working through me.

_Maybe what I need is a weekend alone_ , I thought. Just as I plotted where I wanted to head out for the weekend, my door was yanked open, and in came my heart's worst enemy.

Fuck. I didn't want her to see me like this. What the fuck was she doing here anyway?

"What do you want?" Why hadn't she said anything? What was she doing just staring at me like I was a monster?

"Greyson... you're not using... I mean, why?" She was stuttering, trying to get out the questions in the middle of her shock.

I felt so bad for her that I wanted to give her a big hug, but fuck, I knew I shouldn't. I couldn't.

"It is what it is. Want some?" Like I would give her any. Besides, she was Miss Goody Two Shoes. She wasn't damaged like me.

"No! I don't want any of it. In fact, I'm going—"

Oh, hell to the fuck no. I knew what she was getting at. "Don't you fucking dare touch it—unless, of course, you have other forms of entertainment? If not, leave me be."

She gasped, staring at me wide-eyed. " _Entertainment?_"

God, she was so beautiful it hurt. Why couldn't I find anything I hated about her face or body?

"Dance. Strip. Fuck me. Get my drift?" I wasn't really planning on getting her riled up; I merely wanted to see how long she'd last. I didn't want her here, and yet I couldn't get enough of staring at her.

To this day, I was held mesmerized and captivated by her.

She looked at the scattered powder on the table then at me, biting her lip as if she was deep in thought.

All the while, I watched her think. Even in my high state, my pain was amplified. My need for her quadrupled. One would think I would be numb from it all, but no... everything had been magnified, making me all the more vulnerable to her. All I had was my smart mouth and my resistance to protect me. Could I really go through being in the same room with her without reaching out, begging for her to think again; that maybe she could find it in her heart to love me back?

"If I do as you ask, will you stop using that?" She nodded towards the table.

She really was considering it? My, she was changing fast. The old Olivia wouldn't have batted an eyelash at that request. She would have sent me straight to Hell.

My throat bobbed. "Yes," I rasped out, excited and petrified beyond comprehension. I knew this wouldn't end well, but the thought of having her again surged something powerful in me. My cock was the first to surrender.

"I don't... _dance_."

I quirked my brow, not buying her bullshit. "I've seen you dance plenty of times."

She bit into her lip before releasing it again. I watched as the blood surged into its wake, giving her a kissable, cherry lip.

"Not like this—like a stripper."

"I wasn't asking for one. Just give me what you got, I'll settle for that. The floor is all yours, baby." I needed a drink, something cold to cool down my body.

She heaved out a sigh before gently pulling down the zipper on the top of her matching sweat suit. Inside she wore a satin, cream bra, which she left on. She then slowly pulled her pants down, showing me her matching cream underwear. Once she was out of her clothing, she looked over to me skeptically, as if waiting for me to give her directions.

"If you don't want to do this... it's fine by me. I don't want to force you into anything." It was the last thing I needed, her feeling like I was using her. I wanted this to be a mutual understanding between the two of us, nothing less.

She strolled towards me, eyes sharp, as she looked down on me with her bra and panties on.

"Don't get me wrong, I _want_ to do this, but I don't want all this bullshit. If you want to fuck, let's get it over with."

Now it was my turn to become intimidated.

Olivia had never been the aggressive one. It had always been me taking the initiative. I found it a turn on and a little frightening at the same time. "Come get what you came in here for then." I lifted my hips, offering myself to her.

Her delicate fingers unfastened my pants. She pulled them down all the way to my knees along with my black boxer briefs. I think my mouth might've been hanging open because I was seriously having a hard time breathing. Her innocent way of trying to be sexy and her plain determination was an intoxicating combination.

When she saw how hard I was for her, she kept quiet. The only thing that was telling me that she was nervous was her lip biting. Other than that, she was calm, as if she had done this before. I knew I was the only one, though, and even if we weren't on the greatest of terms, I prided myself on that simple fact.

After she pulled her underwear down, she hesitated for a bit before grabbing my cock. I had to bite back a moan, loving the feel of her hand on me. I wanted to touch her—God, how I wanted to fucking touch her, but I couldn't. Not when I knew I simply couldn't stop myself from wanting that alone—I wanted it all. So to hold back from the urge, I placed both of my hands behind my head, intertwining my fingers together as I watched her work me up.

Up and down she stroked me. Softly. Gently. After a few minutes of her innocent and yet effective ministrations, she stuck out her tongue, curling it on the bottom of her lip as she shifted to straddle my lap.

Gazing down at me, her ice blue eyes darkened as she lowered herself onto my hardness. Gradually, I felt the wet heat of her core slowly opening for me, giving way as she gasped, holding back a moan as she gently sheathed me with her hot heat.

Jesus. _Fuck me to the moon and back_ , I thought the moment she bottomed out and I felt my dick pulse inside her. She was tight, so tight I had no idea if there was space to move around much, but God, was she wet for me.

She then started rocking on me; slowly at first, holding back emotions as I remained in my stubborn pose, not willing to touch her.

"Greyson," she choked out before throwing her head back, riding me a little roughly now.

Olivia looked beyond fascinating riding me. I didn't want to blink in fear that I would miss a single moment; a single delicious stroke that evoked the most beautiful expression on her face.

_How the fuck do I get over her?_ I worried as I longingly stared at her, enjoying what pleasure my body could give her. It was pleasuring me, too... but my heart ached. Soothing it with sex, no matter how amazing she felt, didn't measure up.

I was in pain. No matter how I tried to make it go away, it remained in my heart, digging a grave in there.

Even though I was hard—too hard for her—I knew I couldn't make myself ejaculate. With my broken heart, it seemed that everything was broken, too, including my sex life.

Her body slowly started trembling. She was close to coming as she gradually moved forward and tried to catch my lips for a kiss, but I moved my head to the side, not needing fake assurances—fake, in the moment comfort.

When she came, I felt her body tighten even more around me, choking the life out of my shaft, draining me dry as she yelped out a scream. After her orgasm, she dropped on my chest, spent and exhausted. I wanted to say something smart, something to provoke the situation, but she got to me first.

"This is my goodbye to you," she breathed out. "Thanks for the memories." It didn't take her a minute to get off me. She took her underwear as she hastily put her clothes on.

I sat there, contemplating and speechless.

Memories; I had a lot with her, however it wasn't enough.

"Goodbye, Liv." _I love you_.

She gave me a serious stare. "I'll see you around." With that, she retreated, leaving me emptier than before she had barged in here. How was it possible to feel this crippled inside?

Breaking my promise with her, I reached out for the snow that was glittering at me with hope, but who was I kidding? I was a damaged guy. I was never going to be good enough for her. Deep down, I knew that, so why was it hard to accept the fact? Why did I always try to persuade myself that there was hope for me? Because I was a fucking idiot, that's why.

## 30

# Liv

_" Are you sure it's okay to go out?" I hissed, eyeing him like he made the craziest suggestion._

_He grinned, all cocky and sexy. "I want to celebrate Christmas with you. Come on; let's go." He pulled against my hand, leading us out the door before reaching his car._

_It was Christmas Eve and we had eaten dinner and watched a feel-good movie. I thought that, after our parents had retired, Grey and I would remain downstairs and watch a couple more holiday-themed films, but no, he had different plans in mind._

_We drove around the canyons with his hand never letting mine go as he shifted gears. After ten minutes, I got the idea that he was going to bring me to his spot—the plateau._

_Once we reached the place, we got out of the car. He then went to the boot of the car and pulled out a picnic basket, a blanket, and dozens of candles._

_He somehow made it feel like we were back in the cabin, yet this time, with the stars gazing and twinkling upon us._

_Greyson might not know it, but he was the most romantic guy I had ever met. His small or big gestures gave the same effect—embedding himself inside my heart._

_That night we slowly devoured each other while we were covered with a thick blanket, surrounded with dimly lit candles and the scent of pinecones._

_It was the best Christmas to date._

* * *

I woke up in tears.

I think the last time this had happened to me was when I was a little girl, asking my mom or dad for comfort when I'd had the most awful nightmare.

Tonight was different.

I hadn't dreamt that goodbye I'd had with Greyson. It had happened. Inside, I was being killed slowly. How could I tell him that it was hard to be with him? So much was at stake. I just couldn't risk it.

It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had never known such pain could be caused in saying goodbye to someone you cared so much about. After I had seen him using, I had thought the worst. I'd had an idea that he was doing it from time to time since a lot of the kids in our school did it, but I hadn't seen him do it first-hand. To say that it had shocked me would be an understatement.

Greyson was a stubborn guy. He was known for it. Besides, he was old enough to know what he was doing to himself. If he thought that was acceptable, then I knew I had made the right decision in letting him go.

My mind approved, though my heart was weeping for him. It was the most exhausting combination to have when two of your functioning organs go against each other. Not to mention the emotional toll it was giving me.

That knowledge of believing that I had made the right decision was proved month after month.

We were graduating soon, but instead of studying for finals, most of the people in my year were partying like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't do it, though. There was too much to be done.

A lot of them had gone on weekend trips to Mexico, which had been Grey's idea. Since it was only two hours away, they had done a couple of trips to celebrate the end of high school.

To me, it sounded like the most absurd thing. How the hell did they celebrate when they weren't studying at all? Were they sure that they were going to get passable grades?

Every time I had seen him in school or at home, my heart would be stuck in my throat. His eyes remained sad, like he had been mourning that whole time. Apart from that, he was all smiles to the rest of the world, partying until the break of dawn.

From what I'd heard from Josie, who was always joining them in their craziness, he hadn't been with anyone. Not Edith. Not Tiffany. But I knew how he was. Greyson didn't need to broadcast his women. They were happy to be in the shadows, like how it had been with me.

I thought I had heard the last from Edith, but I apparently had been wrong. You see, the bitch texted me with a picture of a sleeping Greyson. It was only a facial picture, so I wasn't sure if he had any clothing on, but it still provoked my mind.

Edith: _Good that you finally know your place. He will always be mine. I guess I should thank your dad for being gay. I owe him one. Kisses._

She then ended the message with a grainy picture of a guy, who resembled my dad, dressed in a woman's get-up.

Where had she gotten that picture? She'd always threatened me with it, but I'd thought she was joking...

As for dad being gay, I wasn't sure about that. I'd had no idea how to bring the sensitive subject up to my mom, let alone my dad. All my life, there had been no clue or indication that he was.

I wouldn't have cared either way. To me, he was my father; I loved him and that was all that mattered.

Maybe in time, I could open up to him, although for the time being, I was going to let bygones be bygones.

My family was safe from Edith's attack. My mother was happy and secure in her relationship. As for the rest, I could deal with it head on.

The time to leave for my summer move to Sydney was upon me. I knew I was going to be greeted with cold weather once I got there, but it was the only bright light in my shadowed world right now. Even though my heart was heavy, at least there was something to look forward to.

I hated to admit it, however I slept thinking of Greyson every night. What had happened between us was something to be cherished. My memory of him was going be untainted. I wanted to keep it that way.

I hoped, whatever he was doing right now, that he was happy. Satisfied. Safe.

## 31

# Liv

The commencement had just ended when the rest of my class began hollering, giddy that we'd finally passed this chapter of our lives. Some were simply grateful that they had managed to pass. Jet, who had remained on friendly terms with me, wasn't so shy about that very fact himself.

Grey would acknowledge me with a nod, but never with words or a smile. I supposed it was progress.

Mom and Brett were hosting a graduation bash tonight at the house. I planned to celebrate with them for a little while since my flight was around midnight tonight.

Mom had begged me to book my ticket a little later, but honestly, I couldn't stomach being in the same vicinity as Greyson any longer. I needed to runaway. I desperately needed new scenery to make me forget how empty my life had become without him in it.

After an hour or so, the house was flooded with people. The music was blaring and excitement rolled in waves.

Dressed in my white, fitted sundress, very little make-up and matching flat gladiator sandals, I made my way downstairs. I wasn't trying to be sexy, sultry or any kind of other adjective that described most of the girls that were there. I just wanted to look decent—presentable—without being the show of the party. I wanted to leave without people noticing me. Apart from saying goodbye to Mom, Brett and Josie, I had no other close friendships here.

I remained in the background, making sure I didn't make any eye contact with anyone. Greyson, on the other hand, became the spotlight of the party. He gave short speeches to his dad, thanking him for his undying support and love. He even thanked my mom for always being sweet and making their home a _home_. Mom of course was in tears, hugging him as if he were her own son.

Seeing how Mom was settling in with Brett and Greyson, I knew she was in great hands. She was happy and loved. I could leave without a single worry, without wondering if she would be lonely without company.

When the time came for me to go upstairs and gather my things, making sure I had everything I needed, I slid quietly out of the party, relieved that I was done putting up a good show of being okay.

Each foot that climbed the stairs towards my bedroom felt heavy, as if they had a ball and chains with them. Pasting on a fake smile— _fake everything_ —was too exhausting for me.

Once I reached my door, I sagged against it before grasping the door handle to open it. This room, though I hadn't stayed here for that long, would be missed dearly.

This place had become my refuge and even my home. I glanced towards the three pieces of luggage that were situated against the wall, all packed and ready to travel, as I moved past them towards the bay window, which overlooked the pool house. Maybe for the last time, I wanted to remember it; to see it before I left.

As expected, the place was packed with people from school going in and out of it as they partied along.

Sighing, I strode over to the bed before softly placing myself on it, knowing that I would really miss this place. The day after I got to Sydney, Liam wanted to take me out for lunch. I knew he probably had so many questions over my sudden withdrawal from him.

_Liam... how is he anyway?_ I thought with guilt. I had thirty minutes before I left for the airport, and yet, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and reminisce about what had happened with my senior year.

There was a soft knock on the door, breaking my thought.

"Yes?" I said, half-sitting on my bed. If it was Mom telling me to double check if I had my passport out of the safe for the third time, I was going to pull my hair out. I loved my mom, but sometimes she could really be annoying.

I watched as the door opened and Greyson let himself in. He had his lips pressed together, looking as serious as a heart attack.

What had happened to the party animal who had been downstairs half an hour ago?

He quietly closed the door behind him before deciding to lean against it with his hands in his pockets. "So you're leaving, huh?"

Story of the century. Why was he wasting time on small talk? Did he need a favor or something?

"I am. In about twenty minutes, in fact." I was trying to play it off coolly, like having him there inside my room wasn't giving me butterflies in my tummy, or the fact that he was bringing major nostalgia with him.

"I know."

I stared at him, not knowing what to say next.

He let out a long, heavy sigh, as if he had a lot to say. His head dropped to the floor before he glanced back at me again. "I just want to say sorry about my behavior for the last few months. If I ever hurt you in any way, I hope you know that it was my way of coping from the pain from you—" He paused. "It hasn't been easy."

_Really? I wouldn't have guessed_ , I thought sarcastically.

"Don't worry about it, Grey. The past will remain in the past."

"Did I ever mean anything to you?"

I looked away. His fiery eyes intimidated me. My piled lies were intact and I didn't need those eyes to come and search my soul.

"You did..." _more_ _than you'll ever know_ , "but as I said earlier, the past will remain as is." I didn't want to dig up memories and old bones to pick. I was leaving.

He moved towards me. The bed dipped a little when he sat before me. His presence, being this close to him, and my body's immediate response, terrified me.

"I haven't stopped loving you, Olivia."

_Oh, fucking bull!_ He had been fucking around with all those women, even Edith!

"Stop feeding me shit, Grey. I think we're both over that."

He took another deep breath, as if to calm himself. "I haven't been with anyone since you, doesn't that count?"

"Bullshit. You're fucking lying to me!" I didn't appreciate that. What the fuck had he come up here for? To fuck with my head?

"It's true—Jet can vouch for me."

Jet would color the town red if he asked. The guy was his best friend. They stuck together through thick and thin. "He doesn't count." I let out an exasperated sound. "Really, Grey. I don't need to hear any of this—it's unnecessary."

"Don't leave. I don't know what I'll do if I can't see you. Maybe we could try again, this time I won't demand so much from you," he rushed out. "I promise I'll be satisfied with what you can give."

Has he lost his mind? Besides, he had months to talk to me about this, but he never came around until the last minute.

Top that with Edith's bullshit, and I knew the best thing to do was to leave. Sooner or later, Grey would get over me—if he was telling the truth about him being in pain for these past few months.

Staring into him, it almost blinded me, but I was headstrong and determined to cut to the chase.

"I will always cherish you, but I won't stay because I don't feel the same way," I whispered, voice shaky. "I hope you understand that."

"You really mean that?" His saddened voice, tore me apart.

It took effort to respond, but I did it anyway. "I do—with all of my heart."

"I guess this was just as well. It's better this way," he murmured to himself, trying to comprehend things.

His words didn't make sense to me, but I supposed to him, it was probably comforting to hear them.

With a grave expression, he moved towards me, kissing me on the cheek. "Have a safe flight, and forget that I ever existed in your life."

He didn't glance at me again.

"Grey?" His last words bothered me. A great deal. How could he say that? _"Grey?"_ I called out to him just as he was opening the door, but he never looked back.

I was bereft and hell-bent on questions, but I knew if I chased after him, he might think I had changed my mind about Sydney. So I had to swallow my pride and follow his lead. Forget about him. I would try very fucking hard.

I wanted to shed tears, yet I didn't even have time for that. It was time to leave for the airport and say goodbye to my old life.

After all, starting over in a country full of hot, eligible men didn't sound bad, did it? _I'm sure I'm going to forget about Greyson Edwards in no time_.

## 32

# Liv

"Liv is that you?" my dad called out the second I shut the front door.

"It's me." It was my second day here and I had just gotten back from my lunch with Liam. I hadn't seen him in a while, and I won't lie, it felt great. Nothing much had changed except that he was more toned than normal. He had become a gym rat apparently, so that dedication had paid off well.

Our lunch was pleasant for a little while, however after the main entrée was taken away, he came in for the hard drilling. Of course, since I owed him a great deal of explanation, I had to tell him the truth.

"If you were so crazy about him, then why leave LA at all?" he asked, as if the question was alien to him.

There were so many factors involved. Besides, I couldn't really bring to light what my real reasoning was.

"It's complicated," I lamely said, avoiding his gaze.

"You love him," he stated with no hesitation.

_No, I didn't._ "I don't think I do." Why was I hesitating now? Fuck.

He gave an understanding smile. "Yes, you do, Olivia." He took a moment, gazing to the side. "The heart doesn't lie, you know."

It didn't, but I wasn't going to look at what was held inside it. I simply couldn't. _Wouldn't_. It was too much.

His easy manner was always welcomed and I was grateful to have him here as a friend, but I was curious... "How have you been? Are you dating anyone?" Yeah, I wasn't so subtle there. Liam was a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him.

His blue eyes sparkled as he shook his head, smiling. "Nah. Tried to date, but—you know—it's been horrible. You can pin it down for a long hangover."

Okay, I wasn't going to delve into those words. It was only my second day here in Oz land, I needed a clear head.

"Well, I guess there's nothing to being single, is there? I like it so far."

"There's still room for you at my place if you ever change your mind."

I was living with Dad since I didn't want to complicate things with Liam. It was better that way.

"Thank you, but I think I'm okay for now."

"Well, it's there, just letting you know."

My lunch with Liam went with a lot of read-between-the-lines messages. He liked me. Still. After what had happened.

I mean, _I_ didn't even like me after how I had treated him, yet his eyes spoke volumes, and they were telling me that he was waiting me out until I was ready to date again. Given time, maybe I would open that chapter again.

As of right that moment though, I was still reeling from his statement that I was in love with Greyson.

I wasn't. I was sure of it.

My first month was a hard adjustment. Apart from the vast time difference, I had to acclimatize myself with the thinking that I wasn't a visitor; I was a resident.

Of course I had Dad and Liam to take me around from time to time, however learning their railway and going about my way in the city was a fun experience.

Apart from school, I didn't really have that many friends. It wasn't because of lack of invitations from all these fun, amazing people. It was me. The problem stemmed from me not being able to connect; to step out of my comfort zone. Normally it would have been a trivial thing because I had always been up for something new to experience—most especially when I was living in a different country—but no, I was acting up for no fucking reason.

It didn't surprise me that, as the days passed, I felt the depression settle in. At first, I was blaming it on homesickness, yet as the time went on, I couldn't lie to myself any longer.

The main culprit was Greyson Edwards. He was tattooed in my brain. In my heart. Yes, I was fucking in love with him. What the hell had I been thinking lying to myself anyway? At least, if I had admitted it to myself, I could have had my conscience to console me, but now, it had become my enemy.

I had no one to vent to, either. My dad was so busy with work; I barely got a chance to eat dinner with him.

So I was always on my lonesome, thinking and rehashing about the future... and the past.

One Friday night, I gave in and decided to text Greyson.

Me: _Hello. This is Olivia. How are things back home?_

I sent the text before I had even managed to think it through because I knew if I hesitated, I wouldn't send it. And I needed to hear from him, something.

Mom hadn't been forthcoming with information, either. Well, I supposed if I had been fishing blatantly, she would've given in. Since I didn't want to ask Josie about him, I was stuck with my thoughts.

I wasn't surprised when I didn't get a reply from him. His last words still haunted me. They had haunted me so badly that I was starting to have consistent dreams about him. Dreams of us, together, and in the end he would tell me to move on and forget about him. At times, we would be making love and he would whisper those words into my ear.

I wouldn't exactly say I had a guilty conscience for pushing him away. I'd had to do what I had to do.

One of the main goals I had that year was to ask my father about his own love life, but time and time again, when I saw an opportunity, I cowered away from it. I thought then, if my father was ready to tell the world about his truth, then he would tell me.

At that point in my life, I knew I should deal with my own personal demons; the memories of Greyson, coming to life in my heart.

## 33

# Liv

Another month had passed and he hadn't responded...

## 34

# Liv

Then another...

## 35

# Liv

And another...

## 36

# Liv

"Hey, Livvie! How's my baby?" My mother's voice shrilled the second I said "hello".

I had been reading when she called so I had to place it to the side and focus on her call. Hearing from her always made me feel homesick, and the urge to ask how Greyson was doing was on the tip of my tongue.

"I'm good, Mom. What's up?"

"Busy for this weekend. There's so much going on. How's school, hun? Are you back with Liam yet?"

She never failed to ask about Liam. I think she liked him a lot, too.

"Liam and I—well, we're just friends for now." Just as well, I wasn't ready for anything else. "What's happening this weekend?" I absentmindedly asked.

She paused, hesitating. When she spoke, the strain in her voice was palpable. "You know... _things._"

" _What things_?"

She sighed into the phone. "I promised not to tell you, he said you weren't involved," she whispered as if it was a damn top secret.

My heart was beating rapidly, I felt faint with it. "How am I not involved? I don't understand—"

"Sweetie..." she cooed, but I wasn't having it. I needed to know. _Now_.

"Mom, please—what is it? You can't bring this up now and not tell me," I begged, sounding like a petulant kid, but I knew it was the only way to break through to her.

My mom took promises to heart. Seriously.

"I don't know..." she trailed off, but it was obvious that she was thinking about it.

"Please—"

"You didn't hear this from me, okay?" She sounded stern.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Greyson's getting married this weekend—well, in three days time."

_Huh? Did I hear that right?_ He'd just graduated from high school, enjoying his summer months before college in UCLA. What was my mom yapping about?

" _I beg your pardon_?"

"You heard me."

I swallowed the house-sized lump in my throat. " _To who_?"

She paused before shattering my life into pieces. "To Edith."

"What! _Why the FUCK would he fucking marry her?_ " The words came out in a rush. The shock was numbing me, but the poisoning pain that was spreading all over my body made me feel ill at the same time.

Greyson wasn't in love with her. In fact, he'd told me that he loved me less than six months ago. A guy can't fall in love that quickly, could he? I doubted it.

"I don't know," she murmured, as if wondering that very same question herself. "All I know is that it's happening—it came out of the blue, surprising both Brett and me, but Greyson's not joking about this."

_All I know is that it's happening._ In three fucking days. And I just found out...

"Who made you promise not to tell me? _Edith?_ " That bitch!!!

"Greyson."

Tears pooled in my eyes. I was so livid and hysterical that my hand could barely grasp the phone in my hand because I was shaking so badly.

"I have to go—" I hung up the phone before curling up into a ball, crying like I had lost someone significant in my life.

Was that why he'd wanted me to forget him? So he could punish me in the cruelest way by marrying my archenemy? How the hell did I get over him when he was making a joke of everything that had ever happened to us?

No... Grey said he loved me...

When he'd said those words to me, I had known he meant them with his whole heart. Besides, he was too young to marry anyone; let alone marry a dirtbag like Edith.

I was going to get to the bottom of this, I decided without fear. Either way, seeing him get married would be a great way to kill all of my feelings for him.

That would put the nail in the coffin. Maybe only then, I could bury the past.

Bless my dad. When I broke down in front of him, explaining my heart troubles, the guy didn't even bat an eyelash. He simply came and hugged me, whispering "Go get him back."

With travel time and the time difference to take into account, I would arrive there the afternoon before the wedding. There was going to be a rehearsal dinner. I wondered what Grey and Edith would say if they saw me crashing their party.

Whatever. I was going to, whether they protested or not. Bitch mode was on and no one was going to mess with me.

The long flight got me agitated. Question after question swirled in my brain. For the entire duration, I pondered what might've happened between Grey and Edith because for them to come up with the stupidest plan to get married was beyond me.

I basically booked the next flight out, draining most of my savings, however it was an emergency. Drastic measures, big time.

Mom had no idea that I was coming—well, here's hoping that Dad hadn't warned her of my arrival. I forgot to ask him about that. I was so all over the place that I had barely thought straight.

The moment I landed in LAX, I went straight to the taxi line and hopped into one, not wasting any precious time to get to the Edwards' home.

The adrenaline rushing through me was making me feel like I was on drugs. I was on my toes; ready to bounce off the second the cab stopped.

Paying the driver, I almost did just that, but I had to stop to fish out my keys to enter the house. There were no cars in the driveway, but I was assuming they were parked in the garage. Opening the main house door, I let myself inside, getting the sinking feeling that no one was home.

"Mom?" I strolled towards the foyer, past the living room then to the kitchen. _" Brett?"_

I strode into the kitchen and was surprised to find that the French doors had been opened. _Are they having a garden party?_ I thought as I slowly walked towards it, ready for the big surprise, but I was shocked to see Greyson standing over the pool area, looking down on the cool blue water, deep in thought.

My throat ran dry. I wanted to call out to him, yet I didn't have the energy to. My system was possessed with fear and deep yearning after not seeing him for months. He looked _good_ ; way too good.

_Grey..._

His hair fell a little longer than his usual cut, giving his bad boy attitude and looks, another sexy edge.

_How in the world did I convince myself that I wasn't in love with him?_ I wondered stupidly.

I felt like I was intruding on his solitude, so I was about to walk away, giving another lingering look before leaving him in peace, however when I was about to turn around, his eyes lifted and caught mine.

We held on to each other's gazes from across the distance, breaking my heart slowly, over and over again. When I couldn't hold it any longer, I dropped my gaze before slowly walking away.

Tears fell off my face as I walked blindly towards my bedroom. I needed to regroup. I needed to think about why I had really come here. Did I come here to stop the wedding? No, of course not. Did I come here to help me forget about him? Yes... and no.

I wanted to see... him—see if he was truly happy. If this was what he wanted in life, then who was I to stop him? But for my own peace, I just needed to see it.

My bedroom door was steps away when I heard him call out my name. "Liv?"

My heart stopped functioning as I hastily wiped my tears away before spinning around to face him. "Hey—"

He nodded, noting the moisture in my eyes.

"You're getting married."

When he nodded for the second time, his eyes lingered on my face, caressing it with his gaze. "I am."

"Why? I don't understand?" I was shaking my head, not wanting to believe him.

He cleared his throat. "It's hard to explain, but I owe her one."

"Owe her what? Your entire future? You can't just get married on a whim—that's purely moronic!" I was getting frustrated, which I knew I had no right to be.

He remained silent before giving me a sad smile. "It's good to see you, Liv."

Was he leaving? "Wait—where's Mom and Brett? Where are you going?" Please don't leave... not yet.

"Laura had to do some last minute fittings, as did Dad." He pressed his lips together, looking like he'd already made up his mind. "I have to go and clear my head." He looked at me for the last time then disappeared into the hallway.

I didn't even make it to my bed; I collapsed on the floor, crying like it was the end of the world. Maybe it was, for me anyway.

"I missed my chance. I missed my fucking chance," I sobbed into the floor, feeling empty.

## 37

# Liv

My mother came in and found me in the same fetal position two hours later. She sat crisscrossed on the floor, gently placing my head on her lap as she stroked my hair, and I cried some more.

Without words, she comforted me—just like old times—but this time, she didn't have any cure for my broken heart.

After an hour of silence, she finally offered me dinner, which I immediately declined. I needed some time alone. To cry some more and mourn.

My heart was broken and I doubted it would ever be whole again.

I was in bed, thinking and just crying... up until late at night, when someone knocked on my door.

"Oh my God! It's past midnight! Are you drunk?" I shrieked, not about the time, but at seeing him outside my bedroom door.

He gave me his signature smile. "A little." He paused, unsure. "Were you sleeping?"

_I was thinking about you._ It's bad, really bad. "No, I was reading actually. Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be asleep so you won't be late tomorrow?" After the night I'd had, I knew my eyes were going to be puffy as marshmallows tomorrow.

"I don't know why I'm here, to be honest..." He looked in pain, confused. "I just know that I want to see you."

He was drunk. That's all this was. Earlier, he had been so eager to leave... it was the alcohol talking for him now. "Grey! Go home and sleep."

When he was just silent, staring at me, I began getting nervous; merely being around him was making me dizzy.

Greyson stepped closer, almost kissing me. "Tell me not to get married tomorrow, Liv."

I caught my breath, paralyzed at being close to him again. "Why would you want that? You're in love with Edith." He had to be. He was, after all, marrying her tomorrow. It was best to remember that.

His nose was on my cheek, so were his lips. "Am I? I don't know anymore. Seeing you again—it's fucking with me, Liv."

I was dying. I wanted him, but I knew I shouldn't.

"I don't know what it is about you, but you never fail to take my breath away. From the second I saw you in third grade... to now." Grey came closer, brushing his lips against mine, ever so slightly. "I want you, Liv. Be with me."

_Don't do this_ , I begged silently. "You're getting married tomorrow!" If this was wrong, why did it feel so good?

"Tell me not to and I won't. There's nothing in this world that I want more than you. _It's always been you_ —even if I didn't agree with it."

"Go home." _Back to Edith_.

He kissed my cheek, his nose caressing me. "I love you, Liv," Grey whispered, parting from me, walking away with his head down. "I'm still so fucking in love with you."

I wanted to tell him how I felt, yet that would be too selfish. My being here alone was selfish enough. "Goodnight, Grey."

"Goodnight?" He sounded in disbelief.

"Get some sleep," I pressed on, but his face turned angry. He was almost red with it.

"You're right. This was a waste of time," he shot the words out, leaving again. I hoped that, this time, it was for good. For both our sakes.

I didn't' sleep well that night. I decided during the wee hours of the morning that I didn't want to see him marry her. That it was best to leave what we had before in the past.

I was just barely out of the shower at seven thirty in the morning when I found him sitting on my bed. Dressed in the same clothes he'd worn last night.

He looked disheveled and tired.

With only my robe wrapped around my body, I stared at him wide-eyed. "You're here." _Again._

He had his hand in his pocked before he stood up, slowly walking towards me. "Here." He handed me something. "It's kept me safe all this time. I thought if I held on to it that it would bring you back to me, but I don't want to do that anymore. No matter how much I prayed, it never worked. So here is your lucky charm. I hope this still brings good luck for you."

It was the token I had given him in the closet during spin the bottle.

"You've kept this after all these years?" I had it in my palm, cradling it as my finger traced the back of the threaded bracelet.

"It was the only thing I had of you. I held on to it thinking and believing that your promise held the power to bring you back to me." He paused while tears pooled in my eyes once more. "So I'm giving it back. I don't think it's right to hang on to it, knowing it was never going to happen."

He truly was saying goodbye to me now. There was no mistaking it.

"Thank you for bringing it back to me." I wiped a tear that rolled down my face. "Grey..." I looked up to him, raw and pure with pain.

He looked torn, wretched. "Is it too late?" he whispered.

"I don't know." Should I be selfish and keep him to myself? If I did, could I handle the consequences?

He cupped my cheeks and I relished in his touch. God, I missed him. "If there is a chance, tell me. I can still back out—I'll explain to Edith, I'm sure she'll understand."

Would she? Could I take this chance with him?

"How long will it take you to convince her?" I whispered back to him, hopeful.

"She's here doing her make-up and hair right now—or maybe she might be in church doing all that. I'm not sure, but since the church is right in between us, do you want to meet me there in an hour?" He was smiling down at me, kissing me before I got to respond to his suggestion.

His kiss revived me. It was what I needed to snap me out of my trance. To come back to him.

In a flash, he left with a winning, happy smile. I was smiling, too, as I dressed up to meet him in an hour's time.

Twenty minutes later, someone was ringing the doorbell.

Was I surprised to see that Edith's mother, Margaret, was standing outside the door? No. In fact, I had expected it, but not from the mother, from her daughter.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here," she stated coldly.

I did. I wasn't going to act dumb and stupid, either. "Of course I do."

"My daughter—my only daughter—is heart broken right now. She's pouring her heart out, still not giving up on trying to convince the guy that promised to marry her not to cancel their wedding in an hour's time." She eyed me with those eagle-like, sharp eyes cutting through me. "Even as a child, I wasn't very fond of you. With our differences aside, I'm here to let you see and hear the big picture." She paused, looking teary-eyed.

"The truth is, my daughter is terminally ill. We found out the day after her graduation that she had a little over a year to live. Her bucket list consisted of a lot of things—one of them was to marry Greyson Edwards. Since he was helping her out with her list, he didn't hold back in making her wishes come true—including this marriage." Her eyes were red with moisture. "So if you have any heart at all, you're going to walk away. Give my daughter the last bit of happiness she's asking for."

After she left, I was still standing there with my hand gripping the door handle, feeling like the earth had been pulled out from under my feet.

I had big decisions to make... decisions that could alter someone's life; Edith's, Grey's, and mine.

I held the lucky charm bracelet in my hand, feeling the depth of what I was about to do.

"I love you. I've regretted the times that I haven't told you, but I've loved you all along."

There was no room for tears—that could be done later—there were big decisions to be made and I hoped that I would be making the right one.

# BOOK END

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# PREVIEW

Here's a sneak peek of Unapologetic, Pamela Ann's Newest Release

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River Ellis was a whirlwind of an experience when life was monotonously bland, harshly unforgiving and unequivocally foul. He showed me a world that wasn't gray, nor black or white. We were bright and colorful, purely unadorned and raw, stripped of superficial perceptions of life.

He was my childhood friend. My lover. My partner. I loved and worshipped him with entirety, with every pulse. With every bated breath in my body, I was his and he was mine. We burned brighter than the sun, and together, we clashed, fell, and soared. Together, we made the perfect harmony.

Then everything changed the moment he decided to chase his dream. While he became riveted in Hollywood's glittery façade, I found myself alone, whereas he lived his life to the fullest. I became the shadow of his past, dimming in the sunlight that we once orbited and gravitated. Gradually, as time passed, the inevitable happened. Then darkness completely filled my life, cloaking me and embracing me when I became fragile and utterly broken, teaching me the hardest lesson of all.

It's better to have loved with my all and having had the chance to know what it's like to find something so beautiful than endure a lifetime of never knowing it at all.

It made me fathom that such beauty shouldn't be held on to. You shouldn't choke it, stifling it until life drained away. Instead, you had to let go, set it free, and let it ride the waves so other people could experience that one of a kind rapturous, profound mystery as I once had.

Love was blinding and beautiful, but it also was a casualty. And after the tumultuous breakdown I had, I'm earnestly devoted in avoiding it at all cost.

# Prologue

### Ten years ago...

Being unwanted was a sufferance I was familiar with. It hounded me from the moment I was born and every waking moment since. No one really wanted me—not even my parents. My mother was so aghast that she took her own life—dying was much more a comfort than taking care of the baby she bore.

As a child, I learned how to mask my emotions. Though shattered and broken inside, the mask I wore protected me from inquisitive eyes, especially from those who lavished on inflicting pain. Even though I was only eleven years old, I had learned that showing emotions made people uncomfortable, fickle, and they would use it to their advantage, as a weapon against you. In the end, it was best to stay guarded, grounded, and unmoved from the madness of my environment. It was what I did best, the unperturbed, emotionless Cara Quinn.

"Hello, I'm Mattie, and this is my husband Tony. You'll be living with us from now on."

Hesitant with this new acquaintance, I glanced toward Lisa, the social worker, who gave me a warm encouraging smile.

"Hello," I murmured back as I scrutinized the middle-aged woman. She had a warm smile, as did her husband, but they all had that warm and sunny façade in the beginning, so I was holding my reservation.

This had been the third home I had been transferred to. A place where kids who weren't adopted came to for a last chance of normalcy of what they call "home."

Even at the tender age of eleven, I knew adults couldn't be trusted. The last home proved that. Had it not been for Lisa's prying and poking, the abuse would have continued. It was a horror of a place where the wife turned a blind eye on her husband's rage and sadistic tendencies. She had once reasoned that had I not been in the picture, she would be the one on the firing line. Therefore, it had been better me to get the beating than ruin her delicate face. It had been the main and sole reason she had taken me in—to save herself.

"We prepared lunch for your arrival, sweetheart," Mattie interrupted my thoughts as she took hold of my hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze before guiding me toward the living room where she had placed a small feast on the glass coffee table.

I quietly ate my mac and cheese while Lisa and the Shaws discussed me. This was a process I was so accustomed to that I became immune to it. So, while they chatted, I was lost in thought, before a small boy waved at me from out of nowhere, sporting an infectious smile from the across the room. Then he quickly disappeared out in the garden. I assumed the other kids were out playing as well because, coming from the squeals and laughter, they seemed to be having great fun. As the fun grew louder out back, Mattie Shaw encouraged me to step outside and join them while they finished up the paperwork.

The woman seemed so sincere that I was a little shocked to find myself walking toward the garden. The kid I saw earlier spotted me immediately, hastily gunning toward where I rigidly stood, awkward and unsure.

"I'm River." He showed perfectly even teeth with a dimple on his left cheek. "Will you be my new playmate?"

I wasn't much of a friendly person, and I liked keeping to myself, but for some odd inexplicable reason, I somehow didn't want to disappoint and ignore him.

"I don't play well with other kids."

It had happened after I had gotten bullied and blamed for all the other kids' faults. Somehow, the adults never believed me when I reasoned that I didn't cause broken furniture, setting the playhouse on fire, or stealing money from their wallets. I had done none of those, yet I had gotten all the blame. River looked like he would be the same type of troublesome kid that would get me moved to another home. You see, kids got very territorial when they felt threatened if the administrator or the foster parents became keen on the new kid.

Two boys and one girl, who were also in the backyard, didn't come over and introduce themselves as River had. Instead, they warily watched me, studying me like a new animal in the kingdom.

Withdrawing from their austere faces, I went back inside without bothering to say good-bye to any of them, including River.

While the adults busied themselves, I politely asked where my new room would be. Lisa had previously informed me that I would be sharing a room with another girl, so that mean-looking kid would be my roommate. Hopefully, she would stay out of my way, because I abhorred drama and the nauseating squeals of pubescent teens.

After a short description of where my room was located, I carried the small duffel bag in my hand that consisted of all of my belongings. Stopping at the opened door, I glanced about the peach colored room. The size was bigger than what I was used to, the ambiance warm and inviting. Mrs. Shaw even had rainbow decals on the walls to make the room bright and welcoming.

I strode toward the opposite side of the room where the plainly laid out lavender colored bed was situated against the wall. The other girl's bed had all sorts of dolls on it. I found myself staring at it, wondering why girls bothered playing with dolls. They were eerie and ordinary. Why waste time on something boring?

Drawing my eyes away from the display of girly stuff, I placed my bag on the bed and began to pull my clothes out. Piece by piece, I hung them while tiptoeing on a chair, when I lost my balance and roughly landed flat on the floor.

I heard River enter the room, yet I was too ashamed to meet his gaze. My eyes watered, but I steeled myself from shedding any tears. It was my first day here, and if they witnessed how weak I was by proving that I was a crybaby, I wouldn't last long.

The thought of moving again made me ill. And for some reason, after witnessing how Mattie and Tony interacted with the other kids, their concern and warmth seemed sincere enough. I wanted to be a part of that, even just for a little while before I was moved again.

Unexpectedly, River sat next to me on the floor then set his little, dirty hand on mine. "I'll hold your hand until you're okay."

For a kid, he was different. I never thought I could be friends with anyone, but it seemed I found one in him.

"Thank you for being so kind to me." Shyly glancing at him, my stomach felt warm when I saw that particular dimple of his when he broke into a smile.

"You're family now, so we always have to look out for each other," he stated softly, like it was something to believe in, something to fight for.

I sat there, gazing around at my new surroundings and, for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged somewhere.

# Chapter 38

Tonight had been much more of a success than I had ever anticipated. All the waitressing and odd jobs I had to work, sacrificing ungodly hours just to get by living in this expensive city while chasing my ambition had finally come to fruition.

The night air was crisp, still, and dangerously inviting. It cleared my senses from the stifled surroundings I had been in moments before. Heaving out a breath of relief, I stared at the darkened hills surrounding me as images of my struggles flashed before my very eyes, leaving a yearning for something I had lost. This was my dream come to life. Yet, it didn't feel as good as I had imagined. It should have been sweet, triumphant even, but somehow, it lacked those gratifying aspects.

The stellar reviews for the online streaming show was plentiful, but as much as I wanted the praises, I didn't know how to handle it. Obviously, it wasn't a mammoth success compared to blockbuster films. However, shows with well-thought-out plots and an outstanding cast were being recognized through the recent years more than ever. Not to mention, it was an amazing platform to show one's craft and potential.

I was lucky to have been casted in _Clover_ , surrounded by people with like-minded souls. I couldn't ask for anything more. I was happy, enthralled. Amongst it all, however, I couldn't deny the blatant fact that something was amiss.

Feeling beyond dejected, I considered heading back inside to rejoin the party, when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck spring to life. This meant _one_ thing and one thing only.

He had finally found me. He was here.

We were entwined in almost psychic ways. And God help me, after two years of absence, the pull was just as powerful as I had remembered.

Biting back a disgruntled groan, I remained unmoving, composed and immobile, waiting with bated breath for him to break the charged silence that seemed to choke the life out of me.

"Cara Quinn, I've found you at last. Congrats on the new show, by the way."

Ah, Satan had definitively arrived.

I had often wondered how long it would take him to seek me out once those promotional billboards were plastered all over Sunset Boulevard. It didn't surprise me that he had shown up for the show's party. This was, after all, his oyster, and I had just stepped into it. His glittering jungle of beauty, vanity, and narcissism.

River Ellis was Hollywood's newly minted favorite bachelor. Dangerously handsome with his dark looks, equipped with a chiseled body and a stellar ability to act with profound complexity. Not to mention, he could sing in a deep, throaty voice that went straight into one's soul. He was the ultimate package, so it wasn't a shock that he had made it in this industry without breaking a stride.

His supporting role in a major production film was his huge breakout into the star he was today. He simply had it in him. He was born for this acting lifestyle; whereas I, it had to be thoroughly developed through drama classes. And of course, with the help of Mrs. Newell.

Nevertheless, he was just River to me. The man I grew up with in a group home, the one who had protected me when I was bullied, the one who I had loved with my entirety yet had let me down in all ways possible. And he was one of the reasons I came here... just so I could prove my worth, to him and to myself.

Pressing my lips together, I spun to face the man I had loved with no rhyme nor reason once upon a time. River Ellis still looked gorgeously lethal, but I knew better.

Instead of the usual heart palpitation and breathlessness I was so accustomed to whenever we were together, this time around, I felt nothing. My heart didn't jump for joy. It was cold, cold as ice, though I could swear that, if he kept roving those hawk eyes all over me, I would thaw out.

"Why bother coming here at all? If you're here to taunt or mock me, I'm not in the mood." I wanted to easily dismiss him so he could leave me be. Knowing how the man functioned, though, he wasn't going away just because I shooed him off. No, this man was as stubborn as they came. Just like Satan, he was sinful, just as deceiving, and ruthless to the core.

Through the blanket of darkness, I could see his eyes peruse me, studying me with blistering intensity, like I was some unique specimen. My daring black cutout dress made me feel naked when those laser-like eyes roamed over my body.

"They did say success sometimes makes people bitchy. Don't let it get to your head, Cara. You're better than that."

His distasteful retort didn't rile me up. It left me more guarded.

"Thanks for the lecture, but I must get back inside," I said while giving him a death glare. "Enjoy the party."

River's dark eyes sought me out. I could feel his anger vibrating against the energy between us. It was charged, as suffocating as it was threatening. "I came back for you, Cara, but you were gone," he hissed out between clenched teeth. "You up and left without warning."

_Why?_ I wanted to interrupt, but I didn't bother. Whatever for? Why make the effort? After he had strung me along for a future that had never happened, I saw no point harping on the past. Life was less complicated without him in it. And I wanted it to stay that way. If he had any designs in keeping me in his life while he pranced around tinsel town, hopping from one bed to the next, he could think again. I had no desire in being part of his long list of harem.

"You've congratulated me, and I thank you for that, but honestly, River, I have nothing else to say to you. Goodnight." I gestured for him to step aside, meaning to walk away from him, but he hastily grasped my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

"You can dismiss me all you like, but you can't run from me forever. I've found you after almost two years without hearing from you, Cara. Don't be stupid to think that I'm easily going to let you go. No. Not this time. Never again."

I wasn't his property. I could do as I pleased. Those days were long gone. He had me, and what had he done? He royally messed it up like any playboy would. Idiot me had eaten up whatever promises he had thrown my way. That naive girl had long since died, along with our wretched memories.

Recalling how he had mistreated me stung to no end. For some time, I had been relieved to have escaped them—him. Now it seemed that it was time to face the tune of my past.

Scrutinizing him with pure and unreserved disdain, I stood my ground and found strength to fight fire with fire. "Not let me go, River?" I questioned with disbelief. "I'm with Parker now. I've replaced you, just as you thoughtlessly did me."

His grip on my arm tightened, clearly stung by my words. "No matter what you think and believe, I've never forgotten you, Cara. Not for a moment... Not by any means."

If his purpose was to disarm me, he had better try again.

"It's much too late for any of that."

Once upon a time, hearing him utter those words would have made me run back to him in a heartbeat, but a lot of time had passed. Now, I could honestly admit that I was immune to his empty promises. That was all he could ever offer me, nothing more.

"I need to get back inside. Parker will be looking for me soon."

He looked perplexed as he held his breath, staring down at my determined face. He was so close I could feel the warmth from his body, slowly breaking down my barriers. His sex appeal was unparalleled. He radiated potent sex, and as much as I hated to confess it, he still affected me. Undoubtedly, he was still the sexiest man I had ever gazed upon. At that slight admission, an unwelcomed tremor zinged all over my body. _Ugh, not now_. Damn hormones.

"Meet me sometime later, just this once... to talk. Nothing more, I promise." His voice was low and steady, while his body was in complete restraint, trying to hold back from something. It reminded me of a caged animal; ready to pounce.

"And why would I be so stupid as to do that?" _Talk? He meant closure, right?_ Surely, I could handle finally closing the lid on my past? But I wasn't too sure, not when he could demand my body's attention by simply gazing at me.

"Because we owe it to each other, and to the seven years of _love_ and friendship we shared," he stated resolutely, with an acute emphasis on the word "love," as though I were too dense not to comprehend.

Oh yeah, love. He spoke so freely of the word that I thought he knew what it entailed. Apparently not.

River was going to dredge up everything—the good, the bad, and the downright rotten. I sensed it. I knew him enough to know that he wouldn't hold anything back.

_What would he try to prove?_ I worriedly wondered. He had been the one to leave the relationship. Although he wouldn't fully admit it, he had mentally checked out the moment he selfishly began choosing decisions that affected the both of us. Ones that had left me in tatters, emotionally unstable and physically insecure. I'd had no one—no parents, no family to speak of—so for him to stab at the very core of my instability made me realize that being his side piece wasn't going to cut it. I'd had to save myself, and that was what I did. And now that I had accomplished it, here he was, marching back into my domain and threatening to ruin the fine threads that held me together.

River never did like rejection, and I could bet my life that this weighed heavily on his ego.

Though he was being emotionally manipulative, if this would get him to leave me alone, then I would meet with him. One must face and slay their demons at some point in their life. This was my chance. Besides, deep down, I knew I had prepared myself for this very moment.

I comforted myself that I was truly done with him. As long as I kept that in mind, I was safe from River Ellis's selfish grasp. Top it off with the fact that Parker and I had just begun dating, I didn't need the ghost of my past ruining anything with my new budding relationship. Knowing how River was, it would be wise to settle scores with him now than let this fester to a point where it would be difficult for me to read him. There were shades of his anger I was familiar with, and right this instant, I could see that as long as I held my ground, his intentions, good or bad, were going nowhere.

"Fine then. Where do you want to meet?"

"Give me your number; I'll text it to you."

The last thing I needed was for him to get ahold of my number, yet I begrudgingly gave him each digit at a time as he keyed in my information with furrowed brows.

"It's in the valley. It's about half an hour drive from here. Take a cab or even Uber, but don't you dare get behind the wheel. You're beyond the legal alcohol limit."

My breath gave it away, though I wasn't even drunk. I was so sober I could count backward. Regardless, I wasn't going to argue. My nerves wouldn't dare allow me to drive. Calm was my exterior, but internally, I was all sorts of chaos deep inside.

Disconnecting from his penetrating, dark eyes, I glanced around at the throng of people happily chatting away, unaware of my discomfort.

Just as I was about to revert my gaze back to the unyielding man next to me, Parker came out, eyes scanning the outside crowd on the patio. The second he found me in an intimate conversation with River, his face contorted in blatant confusion.

I smiled nervously at my curious and impatient boyfriend, hoping to ease some of the tension written all over him before I gestured that I would join him in a moment. Then, reverting my attention back to the man next to me, I gave him an impertinent look.

"I'll be there at half past midnight or so."

River's eyes were glued on where Parker stood, looking deadly. "Come alone, Cara," he vehemently gritted out. "And don't keep me waiting."

Calling the shots now, was he? I would arrive on my own terms. I wasn't going to do his bidding. Never again.

"I have to go," I reiterated before giving him a last deadpan look. "I'll arrive whenever I fancy. No one tells me what to do." And with those parting words, I sashayed away from him and back into Parker's arms.

# Chapter 39

Parker and I didn't leave the party until midnight. And just as anticipated, he was curious as to why River Ellis sought me. I quickly told him that I previously met his acquaintance, but Parker wasn't easily convinced. And the more he pressured me about the subject, the more reluctant I was in divulging. He felt threatened, maybe jealous even, and I understood his feelings. He had every right to it. Nevertheless, the right time to address it wasn't now. Firstly, I had to close this chapter before making things more serious with Parker.

He and I had barely begun dating a month ago. I admit I was still getting accustomed to dating again. Pressuring me wouldn't do him any favors. Call it defensive mechanism, but I wasn't going to immediately open up when he and I were still in the process of getting to know one another. My barriers were tightly secured, and my guard was almost impenetrable. If he wanted to be with me, Parker needed to understand that it would take time for me to come around. Hopefully, he was patient enough to wait for me.

He wasn't the first man I had dated after River, but apart from the rest of the lot, Parker actually was the closest man whom I felt I could have a real relationship with. So, I obviously wouldn't want to lose him, _but_ I wasn't ready to reveal myself and the gargantuan baggage that followed me around, either.

It took every ounce of persuasion to have Parker not join me inside my apartment when he dropped me off. His persistence to take it to the next level had been more apparent lately. Rushing into physical intimacy wasn't something I planned. However, I believe that once tonight was through, I would be more pliable to the idea.

Ridding my life of River wouldn't be a hardship. We needed closure; that was all. His dating life was colorful like a kaleidoscope. He had all the ripe pickings to whomever he fancied, and I doubted he had any inclination in making that bright, sparkly life dulled by rekindling things with me. Therefore, I had nothing to worry about on that front... Or so I reassured myself with.

Pressed for time, I hadn't bothered changing when I requested for a ride to pick me up. Enclosed in my scarcely decorated one-bedroom apartment in Santa Monica, I stood in the middle of the living room, terrified out of my wits. My heart ached as I tried to squash the memories that endangered to overrule my senses.

"No," I angrily hissed out. "No tears, damn you."

Letting out a sigh, I took a moment to gain my composure, reassuring myself with the truth—that this man had his multiple-layered array of cakes and he ate it with gusto, without a thought of repercussions or what his actions would eventually do to me. The only thing I could do was think positive thoughts. Once tonight was over, River would have no right to hound my conscience any longer.

"I, alone, can set the path to my future and my own happiness. River can't take that away from me, too."

On a mission to calm my nerves, I went into the kitchen and made myself a whiskey sour; reinforcements to amp my courage were always welcomed. The strong, sweet and sour drink would encourage my disheartened circumstance.

The Uber driver dropped me off at the location River had texted me. After murmuring my thanks to the kind driver, I paused, catching my breath, as I stood outside the pavement, exhilarated and unsure of what to do next.

His home was in a secluded and quiet neighborhood, a complete distinction from life in the city where everything and anything was correlated to tinsel town. It made me wonder why he chose to live away from it all. I supposed the Spanish villa with its abundant rows of vibrant hydrangeas would entice anyone to live here. It stung to realize that he chose my favorite flowers to adorn his beautiful home.

"Bastard," I muttered under my breath while my eyes heated at the very sight of them. If there was any doubt, rest assured, I loathed every ounce of the man.

For so long, I had rehearsed this scenario in my mind, but it never quite played out this way—with me seeking him out on his own turf. My hands became clammy as my thoughts procured each god-awful scenario in my head. Tough he might be, but he had never laid a finger on me, not to hurt me.

I recalled those dark, penetrating eyes flaying my soul, accusing. He would demand answers, and give them, I shall... even if rehashing the past threatened to undo the very fine stitching I had sewn in my once fragile, shattered heart.

Treading onto the massively flattened stone pathway leading toward the entrance to his home, I then hastily pressed the doorbell before I convinced myself to walk away and wish him hell-bound.

"Cara," he breathlessly greeted upon opening the door.

Dressed in black drawstring linen pants and the same colored muscle shirt, he was perfectly equipped for a fun night of torture. His hair was wet, freshly out of shower, smelling clean, overpowering my senses with his scented skin, seizing my inhibitions for a moment. It was the very same cologne I had gifted him when he had turned sixteen. He hadn't worn anything else since, apparently. Or maybe he was using every weapon at his disposal, I spitefully considered. After all, lust was a powerful tool to make one at an advantage. And the asshat knew what to use against me. Well, he could think again. His sexual prowess be damned.

It was a brilliant idea that I didn't change into something drab and remained in the same garment I had donned earlier. The tiny black dress perfectly matched his shameless intent. I knew him well enough to know that he intended to seduce me; play me for a lovesick fool. No more.

He hadn't changed; still beyond predictable. While I, on the other hand, _this_ new Cara, would give him a run for his money. If I played my cards right, I could very well walk out of here unscathed.

"Come on in." He gestured, stepping aside to let me in, probing eyes trained on me.

Not meeting his inquisitive gaze, I held my breath, bracing myself as I crossed the threshold.

Upon closing the door behind me, his blatant gawking became too much to bear.

"Stop staring at me like that!" I fumed, striking him with a venomous glare. I could very well slap him, but I didn't want him to realize that he was breaking through to me. He was already unbearable, and we had just begun. What the hell!

"I haven't seen you in years; what do you expect me to do, Cara? Kiss you, perhaps?" River asked as he tauntingly arched his brow at me. Before I could quip a retort, he broke into a smile. "It's good to know that you're still all fire, petal. I've always admired that about you."

_Petal_. The cheek!

"Don't you dare call me that! I'm not your petal. I'm not your anything. Not for a long time. And never again."

Insulted, River took a few steps and stood at full-height, forbidding, domineering with his trained eyes on me like a hawk to its prey. "You're going to make this hard, aren't you? You know just how I like it, Cara." He was measuring how far he could goad me, but I wasn't going to cave to his wretched tactics.

His words lingered, making me shudder at the thought of him taking me, right here, up against the wall, as he gripped my hips to meet his eager thrusts. It was how he took me the last time I saw him, silencing my tears with his kisses and believing that sex would cure the hollowness in my heart. It was a monumental moment because it was then that I had realized that sex wasn't enough anymore. It was, when I had quietly said my good-bye, unbeknownst to him.

"You tremble. I haven't even begun," he murmured, eyes longingly dropping to my lips, lingering, contemplating.

I could feel the heat permeating from him. It was pulling me, pulling us like a magnet.

"These lips kissed another man tonight. Something broke inside me when I saw that." There was undeniable sadness in his tone. "Did you know that the broken shards of a heart could still shatter even more into a tiny million pieces? Mine did after watching you with him. It drove me insane. I didn't know jealousy until I saw you with another man."

There was such conviction in his tone that I almost believed him. _Almost._

How long was he there spying on me before he finally made himself known?

"You pretend like you've been living a life of a saint. It took you a week after seeing me that last time to resume seeing Hailey Mavis again, and yet you speak of heartbreak? Don't think me a fool, River. Give me some credit. I was in love, not stupid." _Was there a difference?_ My stupid mind retorted. I doubted it.

"It was all contracted, just a pretend, as I have elaborated and explained to you before. Nothing happened with her. Well, not back then, anyway," he reasoned with the same lies he had fed me until I couldn't take it and vomited all of his deceit.

Contracted, probably. But there was something more. I knew it. My gut sensed it, and it had never failed me before. Something had been developing between them, and even if it weren't physical, I knew enough that he had some sort of attachment to her. My instincts hadn't been very far off, and in the end, he had proved me right.

"I'm sure it didn't take you long to remedy that problem." A lump of bile rose in the back of my throat. The thought of them together, to this day, still made me sick to my stomach. "My heart was never in question. It remained with you. It _remains_ with you," he vehemently swore. "Nothing's changed for me, Cara."

_No._ I indignantly shook my head in repulsion. He was just saying the right things so he could trap me back into his mangled ugly web of lies.

All my life, people had let me down time and time again. It was a mistake to trust him and believe he was any different from the people who had abandoned and left me because I wasn't good enough to be loved. My mother took her own life because she couldn't stand the sight of me. My father had up and left the country when he found out my mother was pregnant with me. My relatives thought I was an inconvenience, so they had handed me over to social services without a second thought.

It took me forever to give my heart to him, and in the end, what did he do? He proved that he was just like them—rotten to the core.

Hiding my damaged heart and the painful echoes from a lifetime of neglect that I had harbored ever since childhood, I blankly stared at the man whom I once thought the world of. "Do you honestly think that'll change things, River?" I hatefully spat at him. Fully ensconced in loathing and wrath, I longed to hurt him further, but violence would simply worsen things. "I've moved on. I'm over your brooding, self-centered playboy persona. Above all, you taught me that there are far better options out there."

A guttural sound vibrated off him. "Oh, so Parker Haynes is better than me, is that it?" He began to move, slowly circling me, commanding, menacing. "How long have you even known this guy? A few weeks? Months? We both know, Cara, that no man can love you the way I do."

Arrogant, overbearing fucker. I wasn't going to buy into his intimidating tactics.

Halting his tracks, we stood side by side, a breadth away from touching. I could feel his hot breath teasing the skin on my neck, but I determinedly gazed ahead, eyes penetrating, seeing nothing but him.

"Does he even know you're with me?" His low voice was measured, almost seductive.

Did he really think he had some importance in my life? Just because he had reached stardom, I was far from star struck. On the contrary, his name hadn't crossed my lips again until tonight.

"Why should he know about you, River? As far as everyone I know is concerned, you're nothing but a stranger to me." And that was how he should remain. A phantom from my past.

My response made him ground his teeth, trying his damnedest to contain his fury. "Is that what I am to you now, Cara?" He leaned closer, taking a whiff of my scent and making me hyperaware of his proximity. "A stranger?"

_You were my world... but I died the moment you betrayed me._ "It doesn't matter." I had mourned him as though he truly had died. For a year, I struggled to get it together. And the moment I did, I made a vow never to look back. Tonight was an exception, yet it wasn't an excuse to let him lull me into stupidity.

Firmly cupping my chin, he made me look at him. The second our eyes clashed, I immediately felt bereft, beyond troubled when I saw the evident pain that was unguardedly expressed in his dark, mesmerizing eyes.

"It matters to me. It matters a whole lot."

Swallowing the heavy lump in my throat, I licked my lips as tremors ran over me. "What do you want from me, River?"

Searching my depths, his lips parted while his eyes flickered back and forth, probing for some certainty, inching closer to me, to my heart. "You. Just you, again and again until my last breath."

I was immediately transported to a time when those words of promise whispered out of my own lips before I gave myself to him for the first time at the age of seventeen.

Numb from the immense wave of sadness, I felt the back of my eyes begin to sting, threatening to form tears. "We're done. We've been done. Let's end this amicably. Stop bringing up the old times; it's all in the past."

His hold of my chin tightened, face inching closer until his nose almost grazed mine. "Is it," he softly spoke against my lips slightly, brushing it with his, "ever really over?"

If River dared kiss me, my knees would harshly meet his golden twin nuggets. I would injure it until he was black and blue.

"Yes, it's really fucking over, in case the part where I shut you out of my life for the past two years wasn't clear enough for you, River. Spare me the nostalgia. I find it nauseating. Stop being hell-bent on trying something with me because it's OVER. Nothing you say or do will ever change it. I need you to quit it because I came here for closure and to have the good-bye that we never had. You just have to stop—"

"I'm still in love with you; is that so hard understand?" he violently declared, eyes sparking fire, charging the air between us with tension that was almost suffocating. "I love you, Cara," he stated again. And again.

I sort of laughed at his face with a bubbling hysteria threatening to break free. "That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard." Scoffing, I peered at him in disbelief. "You fucked your way around when you left. How can you claim to love me when you've bed hopped from bimbos to bombshells?" Though I had cut him out of my life, a sickening, sadistic side of me managed to follow every woman he had dated and been linked to since.

"You broke up with me. _You left_ without a word, without even a warning. I was devastated when you walked away. I didn't see it coming... The women who came after that, I guess, was my way of coping."

He had the gall. What a poor excuse for whoring around. If he had ever loved me as much as he claimed, he would have figured out a way to fight for me. Instead, he chose to console his penis.

"I'm sure it was," I bitterly derided.

"Admit it, Cara; isn't that exactly the same thing with what you're doing with Parker Haynes?" he chided, like we were now even.

I wanted to gouge his eyes out.

"How dare you! Parker's not like you. I made sure of that before giving in to him."

"From what I gathered, your relationship has barely started. And basing from what I know of you in the past, it'll take another year for you to give in, Cara... Or am I mistaken on that perception, too?"

This was an opportunity for me to prove just how much I wanted him to continue on the path he has been on for months on end, without me in it. "I am _with_ him. And no, Parker didn't need to wait a year to have me, because he's everything that I've ever wanted." It was a harmless white lie. River didn't have to know every aspect of my relationship with Parker. It was none of his business.

River thought otherwise.

Horror, agony, mixed with disbelief crossed his befallen face. He looked as though I had physically injured him. And when my gaze fell, I saw his hand shake. I wasn't sure if that was from anger or shock, but in all the years I had known him, I hadn't seen him this shaken.

"Had you not run away, we'd be married today. We said two years, remember?" A faint smile formed on his lips before he bore those saddened eyes on me again. His eyes misted as he longingly searched my face. "All those promises... The vow you gave to me..." he whispered. "I have to hear it, Cara. I have to see it come out of your lips. You have to tell me you don't love me anymore."

That was supposed to be today? What luck. With steel determination, I spoke the words he demanded of me. "I'm not in love with you, River."

Our eyes met. Green meeting his dark, impenetrable depths. Time stood still, absorbing each other, eyes mating, challenging.

"I don't believe you," he stated with certainty.

Sooner or later, he would realize that I meant each word.

"I wouldn't have moved on if I did. You know me better than anyone." There was no one in this world who knew me inside and out.

"We were best friends before we became lovers. Or is our friendship unsalvageable as well?"

His question took me aback.

"Friendship?" Aghast, I wasn't sure if he was serious. "Why would you want that?"

"Because you're the only family I have."

We had once promised that we would always have each other. No matter what happened in the future, we were each other's emergency person. I understood that our attachment had run deep, but for him to ask such a question after the tumultuous relationship we had, I wasn't sure how to respond. Obviously, I hadn't expected this.

"When you're ready, I guess. I don't want to pressure you right now."

He wanted to be friends? That entailed letting him in my life again. Too much had happened. The water was well under the bridge for me, but not for him.

"I'm sorry for everything, Cara. I never meant to hurt you while seeking out my dream. Someday, I hope you can forgive me." River took a step back. "I'm sorry, but I need a moment."

Dumbstruck, I barely nodded while watching him walk away in a mad rush. Where did he go? Should I take my leave since our conversation wasn't going anywhere?

Amidst contemplation, my curiosity got the best of me. There was no denying that this was out of my depth. He offered to salvage our friendship, but how did one rebuild that? It was like a coin; there were two sides, but it remained one. He was suggesting the impossible, yet for some reason, I wasn't obliged to take my leave and walk away just yet.

The only source of light came from somewhere down the hallway. However, I'd had enough illumination to grasp my surroundings. His house had all the makings of warmth and security a true home should have. Earth tones, a lot of wood adorned with just the right balance of masculinity without overpowering it.

The heel of my stilettos echoed in my wake as I trailed farther into his home. From the living room, the doors opened toward the gardens. It was vast with the mountains in the back looming in the dark. To the left, there was a veranda with a fire pit blazing brightly. There he stood, deep in thought, staring blankly into its flames with a lit cigarette between finger and thumb.

So, he smoked these days. Huh. What else was new with him?

Watching his dark form, I felt myself mesmerized, enthralled at this beautiful man with the growing stubble shadowing his chiseled jaw. From this vantage, he looked dangerous, and God help me, he was sexier than any man had the right to be.

Tight coils sprung from my abdomen, evident stirrings of arousal. In this regard, my attraction to him remained, unfailing and gravely more potent than I had ever felt before.

Compelled, I slowly made my way toward him, unable to tear my eyes away from the sight of him.

"I didn't think you lived this far out... knowing how busy you are these days."

River quickly glanced at me before looking back into the distance. "I have a place in Beverly Hills, but this is home; my quiet getaway from the craziness."

"You have a beautiful home. You've really made it happen." Embroiled with the past, a small shadow of a smile crossed my lips. Yes, I couldn't forgive him, but I couldn't deny how proud I was of him, either. He achieved much in the span of a few years.

"It was my first purchase after getting that first big paycheck."

"You worked hard. You deserve to have it all," I found myself saying before our gazes met and time stood still. My heart found its beat, slowly thrumming with life.

"Does he treat you well?" he murmured, breaking the momentary spell we were trapped in.

Dazed, I frowned. He was asking about Parker, wasn't he?

I couldn't do this. I should go and call it a night.

Licking my lips, I tightly held my red leather clutch. "It's getting late, I guess I'll see you around, River Ellis."

His eyes bore into mine, challenging me, though I wasn't sure with what.

I'd had enough.

I turned my back on him, withdrawing as I retraced my steps through the house. Pulling my phone out, I sought the app to request a ride back to my place in Santa Monica. Once finished, I slid it back inside my clutch.

Taking a deep nervous breath, I found myself in his kitchen. Then something struck me.

I froze while all air left my body. Horrified, I was paralyzed as my eyes scanned the area, landing on framed pictures of me, _of us_ , placed in random nooks around the kitchen. Had he just planted this? If he had, what a heartless, cruel thing to do. What was he playing at?

Just as I was about to rush outside to demand answers, I felt his presence behind me.

"Why!" I accusingly yelled at his face.

"This house was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was supposed to be our home, but you had already left. Mattie said she didn't know where you went. Of course I didn't believe her. Mattie was the closest thing we had to a parent, and you were close to her. She wouldn't tell me where you'd gone. I would've come for you had I known where you were. For days, weeks, I waited to hear... but nothing. You left me with nothing."

"I didn't want to be found." And I wanted to resurface once my sanity was restored, my heart glued back from the broken pieces.

In a few strides, he closed the gap between us. "We often argued and fought, but never in a million years did I consider cutting you off like that, Cara," he growled with animalistic look, seeming to restrain himself from wanting to shake me senseless. "Why did you do it?"

"Because I couldn't take how you were treating me, like some second-class doormat, a _secret doormat_ at that. That's why!" I spat back, matching his furor. "After the first movie, _The Viking Mercenary_ , became this monster success and you became this huge actor... the gossip and the need to hide our relationship because your management forbid you to make it known, I just couldn't deal with it. The jealousy ate me. Week after week, I would read up online, where you went, what you did, who you did it with. The truth and the lies, they all became my real."

"But I told you none of them were true! You knew how much I fucking loved you. God, I was going to marry you, Cara. How could you be so cutthroat and heartless to someone you pledged your heart to?"

Because it was the only weapon I had, and if I didn't use it, he would have found a way to leave me sooner or later to the glamorous women surrounding him.

"I'm sorry for leaving. Quite honestly, I didn't think it would affect you that much."

At that point, after he had missed my birthday and called to greet me a day after, I knew it was only a matter of time before he would have dispensed of me. I did us both a favor by doing it.

"You didn't think? It's very selfish of you to believe that I didn't care. You knew how hard it'll be, and you promised you'd stick by me through thick and thin, remember?"

As much as I hated showing weakness, my eyes started to water as I struggled to answer him. It took a minute or so until I snapped out of my poignant trance before I opened my clutch and pulled out the promise ring he had given me before he had left to chase his dream. My heart ached at the very sight of it. I had almost forgotten about it..

"I also came here to give this back."

River sneered, appearing offended, disgust sparkling in his eyes. "It seems you don't want anything to do with me. Why don't you just throw it away? You're pretty good at that."

Why was he so reluctant to just let it go? So much had happened, and hurling insults would only make things more difficult between us.

"What did I ever do to you to hurt me this way, Cara?" His voice cracked amidst all his anger, his pain emerging. For a moment, it gave me a glimpse of him, heartbroken and lost, without an answer after I had disappeared.

He was breaking me down, directing questions as though he had some glimmer of hope that something could be recovered between us. What little hope he had garnered, I would effectively banish.

"River..." _I'm sorry._ I had to choose me this time. No man would ever put me on my knees again like some desperate beggar dying for some of his crumbs.

He sensed my reluctance. Gradually advancing toward me, he halted his steps before cupping my face with his large, roughened hands. "I'll forgive and forget everything if you come back to me right now, Cara. We have everything we've ever wanted. We've accomplished so much. We're older now and wiser. We can start over again. It'll be better this time around. I can afford whatever your heart desires. You don't even have to work if you don't want to. Just say the word, and I'm yours."

Words were easy to say. Actions, on another hand, were another thing. Time had proven that he wasn't one to always keep his promises, and as much as I loved him once, I wasn't about to put myself on a platter again. Why would I put myself through that again? He should have protected what we had in the beginning. This wouldn't have happened otherwise. There was so much at stake this time, and I couldn't gamble on that, even if he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

He had too much power over me. It was terrifying to even consider submitting to those powerfully unparalleled emotions again. Without him, I was in control of my life, my destiny. Gone was the shattered, defenseless girl. I was a woman made of sterner stuff, one who couldn't be easily dissuaded with empty promises any longer.

"I can't do that, River," I stated, unwavering. "You've lost me forever."

He was horrified, dazed, and flummoxed all at once. Bereft and rendered speechless, our gazes battled, torn between love, hate, and agony. And just when I thought we had finally reached the point of no return, the damning man dipped his head to meet my lips, kissing me senseless. Urgently. Lasciviously.

I was a riot of emotions, completely taken aback by his hungered lips. My thoughts were simultaneously a jumble and as serene as a placid river.

His carnal intentions left me shaken. So much so that I found myself responding. It was like my lips belonged to him, to command and savor. I had forgotten how it felt to be with him, to be in his arms, to be at his mercy. _Him_. Just River.

My nails dug into his chest through his shirt, feeling unbidden and out of my depth. Fevered for his touch, I felt a rush of intoxicated yearning, quite unhinged, like a myriad made by his touch. His masculine scent and the very feel of him possessed me—my very soul. River was my home sweet hell, and it seemed he was capable of placing me where he deemed I belonged, with him, beautifully creating the fires of sins that only he and I could compose. A gluttony we never knew how to relinquish nor diminish. Fire and ice, clashing and mending. A cacophony of our own written symphony.

# Chapter 40

I felt like I was being transported back to the days when my body and mind weren't mine to command. Like a string being pulled at whatever direction he so desired. I was his as River took full control, devouring my lips, my body.

The spell was too potent to dispel its influence on me. The moment those masculine hands travelled about my body, feeling and cupping my breasts as he lodged one of his thighs between my legs, I knew whatever convictions I had, had all but disappeared.

Consumed by unrivaled hunger, carnal passion took precedence, and I was at his mercy. Unequivocally.

"I forgot what your touch feels like. You feel fucking amazing," I sighed, out of my mind as I gasped for air, breaking our kiss while his lips trailed down my neck, leaving specks of fiery need, branding my skin as he went further down into my nether region.

"It'll be my pleasure to remind you, Cara." He spoke just above my parted thighs before breathing me in with a guttural sound that almost unhinged me.

Before I could make another sound, he softly bit the soft spot atop my moistened pussy.

_What was he waiting for?_ I frustratingly thought as I gazed down with such fevered need it frightened me.

"River?" I blinked at him.

He slowly got to his full height, expressive eyes meeting my own. "If I take you, you'll be mine again," he said softly before leaving a chaste kiss on my lips. "Just say the word. I need to hear you say it, my love."

Sucker punched. That's what it felt like. River just brought me down to earth in the harshest way possible. How could I let myself down so humiliatingly?

Closing my eyes, big, hot tears sprung behind my lids. It was a moment of madness; what else could one call it? To be sure, it was lust. Nothing more. Dressing it for love would be a mistake, and I surely wasn't going to do that.

"I can't. I won't." That kiss meant nothing. Nothing at all.

"I figured as much. Although, it was worth a shot. I hope you can forgive me for trying," he said through a saddened smile that seemed to tear into the very core of my being.

It was the opposite of what I had expected of him. I hadn't imagined he would beg or anything, but for him to not fight harder wasn't want I had anticipated.

Distracted, he stepped back and scanned the room. "Let's get you home, shall we?" he asked.

Nodding in response, I meekly gazed at him through my lashes. My mind seemed hell-bent on making a statement, yet my body yearned for his touch, and the memory of how he took my body made me throb and ache for more. Alas, the man had withdrawn from my reach.

Once he retrieved his keys, he barely glanced at me as he silently guided me toward his garage. He had a black, matted-out Range with matching all-black interiors, perfectly matching the owner's mood, no less.

"Where's your place?" he asked after the engine roared to life. His eyes were directed on the dashboard as though he would rather not look at me.

"It's on Santa Monica and 6th Street," I murmured back as I bit into my lip, unsure if I should break the icy barrier he had erected.

His somewhat of a dismissal made me feel at odds. However, I understood his reluctance in wanting to connect, even if it was through a mere gaze. At this moment, it might be all too much. And even though he was at war with himself, I appreciated the fact that he was gentlemanly enough to drive me home. This side of River was one of the things that had made me fall for him. He was as protective as he was encouraging.

While he drove, Ed Sheeran's calming voice softly crooned in the background. Confined in such a space, tension crackled between us. There was so much to be said, yet silence seemed fitting. My mind was in turmoil, as was my body. My mind, more pointedly, reprimanded my prior actions.

It was a relief when we exited the freeway and River reached my home in no time. Without another word, he found a parking spot before killing the engine.

In the midst of contemplation, I was just about to open my mouth to thank him for taking me home when I found him unbuckling his seatbelt.

Wait. Where was he going?

Panicked, I stared at him in confusion. "Uh, where do you think you're going?" _He can't be thinking it,_ I inwardly bemoaned.

In the dark, his lethal eyes dismissed any thought process I had. "I'm coming with you. I know what you're going to say, but a lot happened tonight and all I ask is for you to spare me the worry. I just need to make sure you're safe inside your home; that's all. I promise, okay?"

Was it ever really that simple? Hardly, but I was running out of energy to keep arguing.

Disconnecting from his gaze, I let out an audible sigh and said, "Okay."

Emotionally fatigued, we quietly got out his Range and began to awkwardly stride next to each other toward the complex entrance. My apartment was only a few blocks from the beach and the pier. This was my home, my haven, and it troubled me that River was going to step into my territory. From here on, I would have a memory of him here, walking me home.

I knew I had seconds until I have to breach the subject of good-bye. The finality of the word made it all the more daunting.

Awkwardly stealing a glance at his face, he seemed as troubled as I was with his lips pressed together, as though he was holding himself back from saying something. Those lips... had devoured me, my soul, and took every ounce of sanity I had. Had he not pulled back, he would have had me writhing underneath him with no thought of the consequences.

I was too enthralled at the taste of him and the feel of his strength and his powerful body working its magic on me. Thank goodness some divine intervention had saved me from any more embarrassment.

Crestfallen, I spun around to face him the moment we reached my door. The soft glow of the hallway lights made his chiseled features seem softer yet more lethal to my senses. One look of that feral gaze he just gave me made me quiver inside. How could he still have so much power over me?

Letting my eyes drop to study the strong muscles of his neck, I unknowingly began to lick my lips, parched for reasons I dared not openly admit. "River, listen—"

"I'm leaving for Ireland tomorrow to shoot the final film of TVM." He grazed my cheek with his thumb, seeming to test my reaction at the feel of his touch. Our eyes met, and I couldn't feel or see anything. Only him and those feral, stormy eyes that never failed to draw me in. "Do you mind if I text you from time to time?"

Text. He didn't outright say call, which meant he was treading lightly, knowing well enough that I would immediately reject it. I wasn't sure if I should be comforted by that thought.

"If you want to, I guess." Texting was harmless, though it was his grand gesture of wanting to keep in touch because I wouldn't give him anything more.

A soft smile broke from his lips. I was so absorbed by it that I didn't notice he had reached out to hold my hand. I simply stood there like a breathless idiot before he bent over to softly kiss my knuckle, his lips sweetly caressing my skin. When he finished, he didn't release my hand. He took a moment to gaze upon my face, looking at me as though it would break him if he dared to stop. When I thought it would never end, he granted me with a wounded smile and murmured, "Sleep well, my petal."

Blanketed with darkness, I blushed from head to foot. That pet name represented how much he had once loved me. And as much as I wanted him to stop using it, I had no fight left in me tonight.

"Safe travels to you and take care."

He responded with a curt nod before he retreated, leaving me staring back at him, walking away while I remained in my frozen position, wondering if I achieved what I aimed to gain by meeting him tonight.

All I knew was that River Ellis had somehow managed to remind me that I still had a heart—a beating one at that.

# Chapter 41

Sleep eluded me. I tossed and turned, grunting and groaning in frustration while I loudly cursed myself as my mind raced, recalling the events at River's home. More importantly, the simple gold ring that bore his name was dropped somewhere in the kitchen after he had kissed me.

"God that kiss... FUCK!" I screeched into the darkness, wondering if I would ever recover from it.

River knew how to touch me. Could any man ever compare to that? Even Parker's didn't come close, nor other men I had tried to date after River. No one had the ability to suspend me from reality, to live in that very moment, every waking breath felt. Each kiss, touch was a symphony of the senses. A masterpiece to be savored, treasured.

River made me feel alive, but he also could easily give me the kiss of death. My decision was unchanged, but I just wanted to remember... how it felt to be so spellbound, so electrified, wanton, and purely intrinsic.

He had a stunning body with an unmatched ability to make a woman melt into vapid oblivion with a mere touch. Although those were all incredible to note, I had to admit they palled in comparison to what truly drew me to him—his voice.

The raspy sound of his voice seemed to reach out to you, into your heart, gnawing at your soul. Each syllable was a balm to heal what was broken within, belting a song with his beloved string guitar on his thigh. I remembered waking up to his presence doing that, sated from our lovemaking while watching me sleep, back when he loved me just as much as I had loved him. Those days were long gone, but I still cherished them. I could comfort myself that at least I knew what it meant to love and to be loved.

Memories came crashing down like embers from hell, bright and blazing, but never permanent, vanishing into the abyss, leaving me a speck of soot, staining my soul, forever marking my heart.

Tears came next. I cried for what was lost and what might have been, for the past that had strangled me since birth. I wept, sobbing for feeling so alone. Loneliness was something I was accustomed to. I was akin to it. It had been my constant companion, but tonight... I wished it away, hoping it would leave me in peace for a time.

# Chapter 42

In my miserable half-asleep state, I heard a stifled ring echoing from my cell phone that was in my purse at a distance. I left it somewhere in the room, but I wasn't quite sure where.

_It's probably on the floor_ , I tried to vaguely recall.

Unceremoniously, I slipped out of bed, donning only my lace thong as I squinted about the darkened room, scanning the black and white trellis patterned carpet. Alas, I found the shrilling thing sitting next to the door. The probability of me dropping it the second I got into my bedroom was likely.

Plucking my clutch, I brusquely yanked it open and took hold of my offending phone.

"Hello?" I grumbled at the intruder.

"Are you coming or not? We've been waiting for half an hour now. Where are you, Sprinkles?" Anton's exasperated voice boomed in my ear.

"What time is it?" Scratching the side of my head, I retraced my steps and landed back on the bed, hoping I could catch a few more hours of peace and quiet.

"It's two in the afternoon, sweet cheeks."

Peace and quiet could wait. My friends had to come first.

"Damn. Sorry, I overslept." If being in a half state could be acknowledged as such. "I'll be there in fifteen. Save some food for me please, I beg you. I'm hella starving." Cutting the call, I begrudgingly got out of bed for the last time and headed straight into the bathroom to wash up.

My blackout curtain did a fine job of not permitting any light coming through, but it made a mess of my body clock. Ever since I had it installed, getting anywhere on time was a challenge. Today was Netflix; how did I manage to forget that? It was a ritual for Anton and our other neighbor, Kells. Sundays were exclusively to lounge around, drink, and get fat in front of the television while watching a show the three of us agreed to. We were into Season Two of _The Borgias_.

Speaking of food, I barely got a chance to nibble on anything last night since my dress was the sort where if one ate one too many fries and it would combust. Therefore, I had begrudgingly nibbled on a low-fat mozzarella stick to stave off hunger, promising myself that, once the party was over, I could happily pig out on waffles and fried chicken.

Parker wouldn't have appreciated that. The man was a health nut. And even though we had just begun dating, he had already lectured me of my high love and devotion for all things fatty and sugary. What human wouldn't be enticed with chocolate? Parker, apparently, came from another planet. That was part of his charm, though. He was different from me. And while I lacked family, he had a huge one, mainly all working in the field of Orthodontics. That somewhat explained his disimpassioned hatred for sugary things. Unlike his family members, he pursued acting. The dark horse, as he nicely put it.

Back to my present predicament, my stomach was making a loud protest. _Feed me_ , it demanded.

Dressed in a matching loose white tracksuit, I grabbed my phone and room keys before heading out the door barefoot, tiptoeing toward the elevator. Anton lived one level above me. His was a larger apartment with a much better view, which made it the perfect rendezvous spot for our lazy Sundays.

As expected, he had his apartment door already cracked open, an impatient yet gracious gesture as they waited my arrival.

"I'm here, I'm here!" I declared as I hurried into his place before securing the door behind me.

Anton gave me a sheepish look. "How was the party last night? I tried to come, but something came up. I'm super-duper proud of you, honey. You know that, don't you?" He clearly needed to shave his beard, but he seemed not to care, closely resembling a cub.

Anton wasn't one to socialize, so his excuse, or lack thereof, was already expected. As for Kells, she had worked late, so she couldn't have made it. Her schedule deferred. If there was a music video, promotional event, or award shows, she was booked. She was a brilliant makeup artist. But even though she had a mad career, she was adamant about getting Sundays off. She said she needed it to recoup and reenergize.

Glancing toward the other girl across the room who was clearly too keen on her waffles and fried chicken, I reverted my gaze back to my scruffy cub of a friend. "I don't want to be rude, but can we skip the talk for a minute? Um, where's my food?"

Cue the angry growl of my stomach. It made me flinch in annoyance. I hated to be this desperately hungry. One should never push their body to the limits of desperation. It hadn't been worth the dress.

_River thought otherwise_ , my stupid brain butted in.

"Your grub's on the coffee table." Anton directed toward where Kells was situated with no care in the world, eating her heart out.

Without much ado, I marched toward the heavenly smell and happily sighed as I sat down across form Kells. Anton had three sofas, so it gave us enough privacy while we comfortably watched our show.

Chicken and waffles from Roscoe's. The first bite sure felt like ambrosia on my tongue.

"Mmm... This is the life." My tummy happily obliged.

"Hollywood's going to give you an eating disorder, Cara." Kells gave me a worried frown. "Consider yourself warned."

Glaring at her, I scarfed down a piece of waffle. "Don't think so," I mumbled before stuffing more into it.

"Dating Parker surely would." Kells couldn't resist herself, knowing how neurotic and controlling Parker could be.

Anton made an overly dramatic sigh before throwing himself on the sofa situated between us. "You can do better than that guy, but whatever makes you happy makes me happy, I guess."

My eyes flickered between my friends while cautiously chewing my food. They never warmed up to Parker, and the sentiment was mutual. I tried not to merge both and kept them separate. Well, as much as I could manage, anyway.

Recognizing my uncomfortable state, Kells gave me a heartening look. "Did anything newsworthy happen last night?" Kells inquired, changing the subject before grabbing the remote and beginning to scan the screen for our show.

_Umm, nothing that I want to confess._

Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to my food. "Hmm, no, not really. Same old, same old." Lies. Pure and utter lies.

"So, you haven't had sex with Parker, then?" Kells asked playfully with a perfectly arched brow, properly displaying her amazing features, and that included her brows.

"Not yet, no." Was it a crime to wait? A month wasn't enough for me to get to that point yet. Call it archaic, but what the hell? It was my body; my decision.

"Why ever not?" Anton derided. "Don't care much for him, but even I can say that he's beddable."

Kells smirked before grinning at our friend. "At this point, Anton, you'd hump anything that has a dick."

He flung a plastic fork at Kells. "Sad, but true. If I don't lose any baby fat anytime soon, I'll forever be an emancipated virgin."

"Dream on. You're as virgin as I am," Kells interjected.

Kells was a carefree soul, but she never failed to tangle herself with peculiar men. The last one was secretly married, and the second she had found out, she dumped the idiot. It was difficult to trust anyone around Los Angeles. People around here were a different breed of human. One surely wouldn't know what the other person could be hiding. Maybe that was why I didn't mind Parker so much. At least I knew what I was getting with him. Most importantly, the man wasn't married.

"Parker and I are fine... for the moment. I'm in no rush to get there, you know. I want to take this slow, and I think he gets that."

"Are you sure about that? Men like Parker don't wait out for long. They know what they've got, and they use it to their advantage. And that includes knowing how the opposite sex reacts and fawns over them. I'm sure he's not short on that."

"I'm ready when I'm ready. Case closed." I would know when the right time presented itself. To be honest, after seeing how badly I reacted to my ex's touch, how could I fathom doing the deed with a man who had the quarter of River's sex appeal and charm? True, I was attracted to Parker, but after being severely reminded of my first love, he palled in comparison.

It was an unkind thing to do, comparing your current beau from your last. Regardless, to this day, no one came close to River. Still, I couldn't forget how everything had crumbled due to his inability to protect me and our relationship.

Parker was second best, and although my heart longed for the golden days of the past, there was no turning back. Consequently, I had to continue on living and see if this relationship with Parker could blossom into something worth nurturing.

They said being positive would enhance one's outlook on life. Therefore, I must train my mind to see the good and caution the bad in every given situation.

Later that night, I received a call from my boyfriend, informing me that he was coming over tomorrow for a much-needed time together. He was right; there were a few kinks we needed to iron out.

# Chapter 43

"What's your schedule like for the next month?" Parker gracefully wound his pasta with his spoon, neatly weaving it before slipping it into his mouth.

We were having an early dinner at his stunning home in Toluca Lake. Even dressed in casual clothes, Parker looked insanely handsome, closely resembled a young Ryan Philippe, with the sex appeal to boot.

At ease with each other's company, I seemed reticent as my thoughts ran with the usual plight—River and our intense encounter. Though Parker hadn't mentioned what had happened at the party, I could sense that something was amiss with him. He was curious.

Back to the question at hand, I pondered what it entailed. Addison, my agent, hadn't clued me in just yet.

"I have a meeting lunch tomorrow; I'll know then." Particularly curious, I placed my fork down and reached for my wine glass. "Why? Is there anything in particular you want to know about?"

"I just want to coordinate our schedules; that's all," he assured. "Do you have any new projects coming up?"

Good question. Did I?

"I'm not sure..." I lingered, wondering if there were new projects between my contracted shoots for _Clover_. Most actors did, but I was new to the industry. "What's yours like? Will you be busy?"

Parker had already made a name for himself, so his schedule was hectic compared to mine.

He nodded before taking hold of the wine bottle and refilling both our glasses. "Yes, actually, but it'll be shot in New York and Vegas. We can see each other whenever we have some free time."

Synchronizing our calendar was entailed when dating an actor. Best I got used to it.

"That would be nice. I'd love to explore New York. I've been there once for a press junket, so all work and no play." I haven't been to many places. I should change that. With my steady checks from the show, I could travel to places I had only dreamt about.

"I'd love to show you around. It's one of my favorite places in the world. The scene is just different compared to here." He grinned before toying with his wine glass, showcasing his fabulous set of teeth and great smile. "So, what were you and your friends up to yesterday?"

"Netflix. You know, the works," I immediately replied. He knew what my Sundays were filled with. Nothing had changed on that front.

"You really need to socialize more," he suggested softly, throwing me a curious stare and studying my reaction. "In fact, we'll go out tonight so I can introduce you to a new set of friends."

It was the way he delivered the last sentence, like my present ones were not worthwhile.

"What's wrong with the current ones I have? I'd love to hear you explain yourself." My strained voice didn't hide how provoked I was.

Hastily placing my utensils down, I took a moment to tell myself to calm down before my crazy came out and decided to throw the freshly refilled glass at his arrogant face.

He shrugged, pretending he hadn't just stated something offensive. "Nothing. Nothing at all. But if you want to be known, Cara, you know you have to mingle with your own kind now."

And what _kind_ were Anton and Kells?

Teeth clenched, hands bunch up, I was ready to raise Hell. "They are my kind. How dare you suggest I drop them because they're not Hollywood enough in your own opinion."

"It's being who's who that matters here. You should surround yourself with people that can enhance your image—be seen and photographed with the 'it' people, and not with a repressed faggot and the tragic homewrecker."

_How dare he use that against me._

It was unfortunate he had been there when Kells unloaded her disastrous relationship. What a total douchebag move. Clearly this man didn't know me. Otherwise, he would never have uttered that moronic nonsense.

"Sorry, but that's not why I began acting. I don't want to be chased down by paparazzi and get hounded every second I'm out grocery shopping. If that's the kind of life you strive for, then I think we should end this now before this gets any worse." There was more to life than competing with whoever had the most social media followers. I got that they were important, but I wasn't a shallow person, either. It just wasn't me. "You better get used to it, or we have to rethink this entire relationship altogether."

"I was only suggesting. I didn't mean to offend you, Cara." Unfazed by my embroiled state, he reached for my hand, but I withdrew it from the table. "I'm sorry."

Too late. For a moment, I had thought he was different. Oh yeah, he was different all right. Not in the sense I had believed. Could he already be this rotten, or was this just a random thought that shouldn't have been said out loud?

"Baby, please forgive me."

I kept staring at him, wide-eyed and in deep thought, mind racing as to what I should do next. _Goodness, how shallow can he be?_ Maybe he meant well, but what he said made me feel weary of him. But the question was: was it enough to break it off?

He had apologized and seemed sincerely sorry. But God help me if Parker dared to suggest any more callous ventures down the line. I wouldn't give him a pass for a second time.

"I'll forgive if you don't ever bring this subject up again, and if you promise never to call them horrendous names."

The shadow over his face was replaced with relief before he got up and circled the table. Cupping my face, he placed an overeager kiss on my lips. "I promise. Thank you," he breathed out, reassured.

I knew it was weak of me to brush it off, but after the week I'd had—not to mention the tryst with River—I owed Parker another chance. Though I would never forget. It had showed a different Parker, one who was strategically hidden. I just hoped there would be no repeat.

For the rest of the evening, instead of going out to meet his friends, we opted to go to the movies. And for the first time tonight, I noticed how he adored the limelight and how comfortable he was when a couple wanted to take a picture with him. I needed to get used to this. I was just glad I wasn't all that known.

Before heading to our designated theater, I dashed to the ladies' room while Parker went in search of our selected seats. It was the most inconvenient time to have my monthly visitor arrive. Thank heavens for vending machines, or I would have had to trot back in search for Parker and ask him to drive me to the nearest pharmacy. I could easily see how annoyed he would be. He didn't come off as the type to go the ladies' aisle and purchase a box of tampons. He would most likely die of embarrassment and quit being together if someone took a photo of him and posted it on Instagram. The very image made me smile wickedly with glee as I cleaned up.

Once finished, I exited the restroom and pulled out my phone, needing to check the time. Much to my surprise, River's name stared back at me. He had left me a message.

Staring at the screen, I was out of breath as my shaky fingers punched the message tab to open the folder. I just saw his name; why in God's name was I shaking like a blizzard had just hit me?

_Hello, it's me again. I know you're probably sick of me, but I just wanted to say that I'm boarding soon and wanted to let you know that I'm leaving LA. You probably don't care, anyway, but I felt like I should tell you. Anyhow, it was good seeing you again. I hope you're okay. I miss you._

He missed me. That single line brought a fresh wave of melancholy. Lamenting on what once was and what had been lost, I willed myself to tuck my phone back into my purse and not respond.

Though I sat next to Parker for the next three hours, him holding me close, my mind was elsewhere. It was drawn to _him_ and what he might feel knowing he would never get a reply from me.

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