[ LAUGHTER ]
SPEAKING OF ROSES TONIGHT ON ABC
WE HAD A NEW EPISODE OF "THE 
BACHELORETTE."
IT WAS A GOOD ONE, TOO.
THE BIG CONFLICT TONIGHT WAS 
BETWEEN JORDAN, THE MALE MODEL 
WITH A BRAIN FULL OF PUDDING, 
AND DAVID, THE GUY WHO SHOWED UP
WEARING A CHICKEN COSTUME.
THESE TWO DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER.
SO JORDAN SPENT A LITTLE BIT OF 
TIME BRAGGING TO THE OTHER GUYS 
ABOUT HOW POPULAR HE IS ON 
TWINDER -- ON TINDER, RATHER.
TWINDER?
THAT GAVE ME AN IDEA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THERE AREN'T A LOT OF TWINS.
YOU WANT TO SEDDATE SOMEONE WHO 
LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU?
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAY, HE'S BEEN BRAGGING ABOUT
HOW POPULAR HE IS.
SO DAVID WENT TO BECCA AND THREW
HIM UNDER THE LIMOUSINE.
>> I'VE BEEN GETTING ALONG WITH 
MOST OF THE GUYS.
JORDAN IS A LITTLE BIT OF AN 
EXCEPTION.
YOU KNOW, LIKE HE SHOWED UP 
WEARING UNDERWEAR.
AND YOU KNOW, THAT'S IT.
BUT AT THE -- 
>> YOU SHOWED UP WEARING A 
CHICKEN COSTUME.
>> I SHOWED UP WEARING A CHICKEN
COSTUME.
SO I CAN'T -- I'M NOT ONE TO 
THROW PEOPLE UNDER THE BUS.
BUT WE WERE JUST CHATTING AND 
HE'S BRAGGING ABOUT HIS TINDER 
AND HE'S GOT 4,000 MATCHES AND 
HE GOES ON AND ON AND ON LIKE 
100% SUCCESS RATE.
>> HEY, JORDAN.
>> WHAT'S UP?
>> 4,000 MATCHES?
>> OH, THAT'S NOT -- 
>> THAT'S A GOOD -- COME ON.
>> THANKS.
GOOD FOR YOU, DAVID.
THAT'S A BITCH MOVE.
YOU'RE A BITCH.
>> Jimmy: WELL, LIFE IS A BITCH.
[ APPLAUSE ]
THEN JORDAN, WHO I'LL REMIND YOU
AGAIN IS A MODEL AND NOT JUST 
ANY MODEL, A WILHELMINA MODEL, 
LAID INTO DAVID WHILE ALL THE 
OTHER GUYS JUST LOOKED ON NO N. 
DELIGHT.
>> DAVID, LET ME TELL YOU 
SOMETHING, BUDDY.
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE SENDING ME 
HOME, YOU'RE NOT.
>> WE'LL LET BECCA MAKE THE 
DECISION.
>> I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
YOU ARE THE SKELETON OF A MAN, 
DAVID.
>> OH.
THE MODEL AND THE CHICKEN ARE 
FIGHTING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOUR REALITY IS NOT THE SAME 
REALITY AS MINE.
I THINK YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT, 
HAVE A DRINK, AND STOP TALKING 
TO ME.
>> WHAT'S THE LOOK I'M GETTING 
FROM YOU RIGHT NOW?
IS THIS LIKE THE PENSIVE LOOK?
IS THIS THE CLINT EASTWOOD?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M A WILHELMINA MODEL.
I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS.
I HAVE AN IMAGE.
IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR DOWN MY
IMAGE AND MY THREE-YEAR CONTRACT
WITH THEM, IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY 
SERIOUS.
IT'S SOMETHING AT THE TOP.
SO IF YOU'RE TRYING TO DO THAT, 
YOU'RE FAILING AT IT BECAUSE 
GUESS WHAT, ATTACHED TO ME IS 
PROFESSIONALTY, IS MY FACE.
IT'S IN EVERYTHING I DO.
IT'S IN THE WAY I WALK AND THE 
WAY THAT I TALK.
OKAY?
SO IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO WRECK 
MY IMAGE, YOU'LL NEVER SUCCEED.
YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE MY IMAGE IS ME.
HEY.
CHEERS TO YOU BEING A BITCH.
>> THAT WAS [ BLEEP ] AWESOME.
>> WHAT THE [ BLEEP ] ARE WE 
DOING HERE?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU DOING 
THERE?
ARE YOU ON THAT SHOW?
>> Guillermo: YEAH, I WAS 
DRINKING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SO THAT HAPPENED.
AND THEN A REAL DRAMA ENSUED AS 
DAVID, THE GUY JORDAN CALLED A 
BITCH, WAS TAKEN AWAY ON A 
STRETCHER.
THEY HAD TO CALL AN AMBULANCE TO
TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.
WHY THEY HAD TO DO THIS WE DID 
NOT KNOW UNTIL CHRIS HARRISON 
SHOWED UP.
THEY HAD TO CALL HIM IN OFF THE 
GOLF COURSE TO LET BECCA KNOW 
WHAT BEFELL HIM.
>> ONE OF YOUR GUYS WAS RUSHED 
TO THE HOSPITAL, AND HE'S IN 
INTENSIVE CARE.
>> WAIT, WHAT?
WHO IS IT?
>> DAVID.
IS WHO GOT HURT.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> BUSTED NOSE.
BUSTED FACE.
>> OH, MY GOD.
WHO DID THAT?
>> HE FELL OUT OF BED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND LANDED ON HIS FACE.
>> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S A FIRST.
THAT'S A NEW TWIST.
[ APPLAUSE ]
WE'D NEVER HAD A BUNK BED INJURY
ON THE SHOW BEFORE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY MIGHT AS WELL JUST SEND 
DAVID HOME.
I DON'T SEE BECCA PICKING TH
