- Our next guest is an expert
in all things ferocious.
He has a new show called
Big, Small and Deadly.
It premieres Tuesday
night on Animal Planet.
Please welcome the Canadian
Tarzan, Dave Salmoni.
 You head over here.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, Jimmy, how are you?
- That is one of the scariest--
 Oh, wow.
 --things I've ever
seen in my life.
DAVE SALMONI: This is an
alligator snapping turtle.
Have a seat.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Wow, that's--
 Have a seat, guys.
 OK.
- Open mouth, so in character.
- Right.
So the cool, the cool thing,
before I put him down,
let me show you.
Inside his mouth, you see
that little pink thing?
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah.
DAVE SALMONI: It is his tongue.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, good.
DAVE SALMONI: And it's
supposed to look like a worm.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Uh-huh.
DAVE SALMONI: So when
these guys hunt--
I'm going to put him down here.
Watch your finger.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, it
does look like a worm.
 Right.
 Oh, so the things
think it's a worm?
 Yeah, so he sits--
 How fast does
that go, by the way?
 Oh, it, it goes very fast.
 Oh, jeez.
 But they can't
see that the worm
is connected to a giant turtle?
 Right.
So, so--
 Animals are not smart.
 If you look, he's got algae
and things growing on him,
so it's the perfect camouflage.
Yeah, you can come over.
 Um, uh--
 I just, I want to watch
him so he stays here.
So, yeah.
What they'll do is they'll
sit there with the mouth.
Something will come by.
Now let me show you again.
 Jim and I are going to go sit
in the audience for a while.
 So you want to see how
it uses that big mouth?
 Yeah, I guess but-- yeah.
DAVE SALMONI: Like that.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, see
now, that looks terrible.
DAVE SALMONI: Why
don't you grab--
JIMMY KIMMEL: Will it
take my finger right off?
 Why don't you grab
a celery stick for me.
 OK.
Jim, did you want to
grab a celery stick?
 Nah, I'll watch.
- Other end, flip it around.
- Holy cow.
- Uh-huh.
- And now give it to him.
 Oh, what, he's
picky about the end?
- Leave your hands here-ish.
- Uh-huh.
 Yep.
Oh, no.
I just like the-- it
makes a good noise.
Put it right in there.
 OK.
JIM GAFFIGAN: Oh, my god.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, my god.
DAVE SALMONI: That is
the snapping version.
Jim, do you want to try that?
Come around.
 That's so much faster than
I thought it was going to be.
 Come around over here.
Now, let's get--
- He really likes celery.
- Grab the carrot.
Grab the carrot this time.
 OK, give him a carrot, yeah.
There you go.
 OK.
Good boy.
Now, same thing.
Don't get your
fingers too close.
Come around to over
here so I can watch you.
Come over here to me, Jim.
Come on.
 I don't want to
block a camera.
 It's like you're
dueling with a turtle.
DAVE SALMONI: Come to me,
right over here by my thigh.
Can I grab your arm?
JIM GAFFIGAN: Yes.
DAVE SALMONI: There you go.
OK.
So now--
JIM GAFFIGAN: Why do
you have to grab my arm?
 Because I don't want
you to get too close.
 OK.
All right.
 OK.
Now give it to him.
Let him have a bite.
 What do you mean,
give it to him?
 Oh, whoa!
 Why is it so angry?
 It's a snapping turtle.
So, you know, these--
 It's snapping.
It's angry at-- Oh, it's
got it right in the name.
 He's OK.
He's OK.
 We weren't criticizing you.
DAVE SALMONI: I got that.
Thank you so much.
I'll put that here.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Wow,
that's like all muscle,
that thing too, huh?
 But this guy's
super duper strong.
So one of the
interesting things.
So come feel the back here.
You guys can do
it if you want to.
Back.
Way back.
There you go.
Feel how hard--
- Why did he jump like that?
- Where do you-- where--
 He wants to bite you.
 How did he-- he does.
DAVE SALMONI: Yeah,
he's going to bite you.
If you put your hand anywhere in
this wheelhouse, he'll take it.
- Don't put your hand up there.
- Really.
 For sure.
And these guys are strong.
You saw how fast he
went through that.
He'll, he'll take a finger.
He'll take a hand.
 Where do they live?
Anywhere in North America.
 They live on desks.
 Yeah.
They do.
 This is its natural habitat.
 Jimmy, can you pick
this up for Me Can
I show you how to pick him up?
I wanted to see-- no?
 No.
Jim?
 Do it.
Do it.
AUDIENCE: Do it.
Do it.
Do it.
Do it.
DAVE SALMONI: Can
you hold it for me?
JIMMY KIMMEL: Hold on.
Let me talk to the
audience for a second.
 All right.
So an interesting thing.
Now have a look at the beak.
 Why isn't it chewing the food?
That's--
DAVE SALMONI: He's a carnivore.
He only eats meat.
Those things are not
something he'd eat.
JIM GAFFIGAN: So
why'd he even bite it?
 He doesn't-- so
look at the feet.
 Is it angry that we tried
to feed it vegetables, or--
 So this guy's adapted--
 What is that leg?
 I'm going to tell you
cool things about this.
I promise.
- How heavy is that turtle?
 So right now, he's
about 50 pounds.
He can get over 200.
He's always going to grow.
One of the ways to sort of
tell-- they kind of-- they're
growing all the time.
One of the ways to
tell healthy they are
is as to how big
they're going to get.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Mm-hmm.
DAVE SALMONI: One of
the interesting things
about these guys, they're
really susceptible to
environmental problems, right?
So if, you know,
global warming is
a real big problem with them.
Pollution.
 Good.
 Pesticides.
You know, it's interesting.
You look at this thing.
He looks like a dinosaur.
He's evolved and he's hasn't
had to change forever,
and yet now all of a sudden,
we're destroying its habitat
and he's having real problems.
- And he's mad.
 He is mad.
He's like--
 Hey guy.
I'm trying to help
you over here.
So don't get mad and
don't snap at me.
OK?
DAVE SALMONI: Why don't
you grab him some meat.
He loves a bit of meat.
Grab that sausage there.
 OK.
All right.
 Use the tongs so you don't
have to get your fingers--
 Thank you for bringing tongs.
 Yep, no problem.
Now he is a carnivore.
He may actually eat this
because he likes meat.
 You're the only guest
that brings tongs.
 There you go.
You're lucky.
 Hey do we need
mustard or anything?
 We can ask him.
JIMMY KIMMEL: He's got
a little sauerkraut--
Oh.
Oh, you like that, huh?
 That's more like--
he likes the meat.
He's a carnivore.
- Yeah.
 So this guy can eat pretty
much anything he can overpower.
If it goes near that mouth,
he'll grab a hold of it and--
 And what, what
would go after it?
 So, good question.
If you-- you felt
that big strong thing.
This is how he
carries it around.
At a small size, they
have predator problems.
But at this age, it's only
us as humans that really
cause this guy any problem.
 Again, you say North
America, but where?
 He's a, he's a--
 Oh, sorry, Dave.
 I think that--
that must have been one
of those vegan dogs.
 All right get-- put this
thing in the-- wherever it goes.
 All right.
All right.
 All right.
Yeah, oh, thank you.
Thanks again for
bringing the-- yeah, OK.
Yeah.
Oh, my god.
He wants to kill everyone.
- All right.
Yeah.
So let's get some
of this stuff up.
We'll put that away.
- All right.
All right.
Well, we have to
Purell now, right?
 Yeah, Purell.
Jim, you should Purell too.
Anybody that's touched
this thing, we--
 Here, Him.
Here's some Purell for you.
 Did I touch it?
- And one for you, Dave.
- One's enough.
One's enough.
- All right.
 Wow, I thought I wasn't
going to be terrified.
 Yeah, well that thing--
 It was scary, right?
DAVE SALMONI: We'll get
the cuter things going now.
- Oh
- This is very pretty, right?
 Look at this demonic presence.
 Harry Potter.
 I got it.
Thank you.
Now this is a spectacled owl.
Now it's a young one,
so sit in your chair.
You lost your chair.
 Why do owls always
look so confused?
 So sit, sit down, just
because we're going--
it's just a baby.
We want to make sure it's,
oh, has a fun day today.
And it's super calm.
So the slower the
movements we do,
the better it is
for this little guy.
He doesn't want that.
 He doesn't like hot dogs?
 He doesn't-- what are
we going to feed this guy?
He, he's just a little
guy, although he,
you know, who knows?
Maybe he likes hot dogs.
Because they are carnivores.
They do like to hunt.
So I told you it's
a spectacled owl.
You look nervous.
 He looks like he's
wearing an owl costume.
 So interestingly,
this guy's feathers
are very unique because
he lives in like Central
and South America
where it's very,
very warm, in tropical areas.
So his feathers are
definitely much different
than some of the
owls that you might
have seen me bring on before.
 Yeah, yeah.
Like if Jim had feathers, that's
what they would look like.
- That's--
- Right?
Now if you look--
- That's true.
 If you look, twist
my wrist just a touch.
Here, sweetheart.
Now those are those big talons.
These guys are great hunters.
Hi, big guy.
Where you going?
There's a good guy.
 It's tied to that rope, right?
 He's tied to the rope.
He's only a baby.
He's just looking around.
But this is actually
how he's going to hunt.
He's going to go
up a big tree where
he has lots to look around.
And he uses that head.
He can turn his
head 270 degrees.
 What's his name?
Does he have one?
 How about Jim?
 Jim?
They all have names.
I just forget them.
 Hey, Jim, there's
a turtle over in,
back in the area there.
You might want to snack on.
 Don't they have
really good hearing too?
 No, vibration.
 Or maybe that's dogs.
 You mean owls or turtles?
But owls have good
hearing, right?
- Owls.
- Yeah.
No.
Do owls have good--
 This is an owl, for sure.
Owls can hear, absolutely.
 Is that a bird?
 No.
And their hearing is
good enough that-- they
use vocal communication
as a way to communicate.
So these guys have a really
unique noise that they make.
And we're all used
to hearing hoo hoo,
but these guys are more like
a tweeting, whistling bark.
 Oh, OK.
Do a little of that
for us, will ya?
 I'm not sure he
does it on command.
 Oh.
OK.
You're OK, babe.
 Let's take a commercial
break and then we'll
bring out some more animals.
Dave Salmoni is here.
We'll be right back.
Hey, we're back
with Dave Salmoni.
Dave has a show called
Big, Small and Deadly.
What is that?
Big, Small and Deadly is
a celebration of animals.
It's all my favorite animals.
It's all the favorite
stories I know about them.
We went out to Africa
and shot a little bit.
We do everything from
jellyfish, killer
whales, big predators, predators
in India, predators in Africa.
It literally is what
we do here, where we--
 It's like my nightmare
job, really, is what it is.
 It's just kind of showing
like we try to do here.
Hey, this is an animal.
We love it.
We want to conserve it.
Here my favorite
things about it.
And this is just the
long-form version of that.
- Very good, and now this is--
- A skunk.
 And I got to tell you, I
don't-- obviously I don't want
to get squirted
by a skunk, but I
look at skunks outside my house
and I go, that's a beautiful--
 They are.
- They always seem well groomed.
- And they do.
They have this wonderful--
I can let you touch
her, if you want
to give her a little pat pat?
There you go.
I can let you give
her a little pat pat.
 And does this one have
the smell thing going?
 Yeah.
Like they have the scent.
I mean, usually that's
a defense, right?
So she's going to go after
a predator if it's nervous.
She has these black
and white stripes
and they are-- can you put some
of those on the table there?
 Yeah, what is this, dog food?
 And they're a
warning to predators,
says, hey, if you
happen to come near me,
I'm going to spray you.
And the black and white
is just a big- hey,
it's the warning sign
that you get before.
 And the spray
comes out of where?
 It's pee, so it comes
out of the back end here.
- It's pee?
- It's pee.
So it has chemicals
in its pee that make
it stink really, really bad.
 How did I not know that?
 She should use a probiotic.
 Yeah.
And so when they say
you've been sprayed,
you've actually been peed on.
 Wow.
 And what it does, it
tells the predators, hey,
those predators, now if
they get sprayed by a skunk,
they're going to
stink for a week
and they'd have a hard time
hunting because everything
they look to kill--
- Oh, interesting.
 --they're going
to smell it coming.
And it also isn't pleasant.
- Oh.
Well, thank you for
bringing the animals.
 Of course.
 I'm sorry we didn't
have time for the toucan,
but the toucan will be
rescheduled with Matt Damon.
I want to thank Dave.
Big, Small and
Deadly is his show.
It premieres August
20 on Animal Planet.
And Jim Gaffigan, as well.
Thank you, fellows.
Hi, I'm Jimmy Kimmel.
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