How Does The Compliment "You're Smart" Make
You Feel?
deny it on the spot so you don't raise the
expectations of those around you.
not sure.
on one hands, I like the compliment.
but not sure if they mean it.
Underpaid.
I usually respond with “haha, only sometimes”.
Edit: thanks guys, this comment put me over
100k karma.
I owe part of my sometimes-smartness to all
of you here on reddit.
This really depends on who says it and in
what context.
As someone who was called smart all their
childhood, being smart doesn't help you much.
Being able to put in the work to get good
at something is much more important.
Nah, you just dumb.
Once upon a time I would have valued that
more than appearance-based compliments.
But 25+ years of experience have taught me
either that I'm not particularly smart or
that being smart isn't that big an advantage,
so now you're better off talking about my
eyes or my ass or something.
It feels like a insult to me.
I was an overachieving college student who
now works a shit entry level job that can
be got with a high school degree, so someone
calling me smart (especially a coworker),
feels very backhanded and sarcastic.
Honestly jaded.
I was one of those kids who always did well
in school so I was always typecast as the
"smart kid."
This came with the unfortunate side effect
that every time we had to do those activities
where everyone went around the class and wrote
what they liked about people, every time my
page would be filled with virtually that and
just that.
It's not bad as a compliment but when like
95% of the compliments you've ever gotten
is that, it puts a lot of pressure on you
cause you feel like if you're ever not smart
there goes most of the nice shit anyone's
said about you.
It also comes with other expectations as well.
Once you're typecast as the "smart guy" everyone
expects you to go on and have a "smart guy"
career.
Like just being adequate won't do you feel
pressured to have to be successful.
But overall by itself it's still a nice compliment
it's just once you've heard it so often while
not getting a lot of other compliments it
wears on you.
The intentions are always good, but it makes
me feel a bit...frustrated.
the context people usually use when telling
me I'm smart is along the lines of "of course
you got into grad school you're so smart"..."of
course you did well in your exam, you're so
smart".
What people fail to compliment is my hard
work.
I spent months writing letters of intent,
gathering references, and spent years working
tirelessly to keep my GPA up and make relationships
with people who would be my references.
I spent hours every single night working for
my success but people only were the result,
and attribute it to me being "smart".
Truthfully, there are way smarter people,
I just have extremely high/efficient work
ethic.
People dont mean to be mean, but it almost
comes off as rude sometimes because it's like
all my years of work come down to the luck
of me being smart, when it truly comes down
to years of dedication and sacrifice.
It excites me, because it's what I'm insecure
about lacking but it also puts pressure on
me to actively work to keep it that way because
it's not a default state.
Being complimented for kindness is the exact
opposite.
Awkward because what are you supposed to say
to that.
Like the person who said it is trying to butter
me up to get something out of me.
Stupid, because I only know a bunch of random
facts from a lot a subjects.
I'm know nothing at expert level, and I meet
a lot of real smart people, so I can say I'm
average.
the person who said that "compliment" just
expected that I would be dumb.
Inwardly annoyed if it’s for something trivial,
like doing a relatively simple calculation
in my head.
So, here's the thing.
People have been saying that to me for literally
as long as I can remember.
But, for a long time it was pretty much the
only compliment I got, and with the message
that's sent to young women that you can be
pretty or smart, hearing "you're smart" at
times made me think "I'm not pretty".
It was just a weird mental thing.
That said, now when people say that, I either
don't care or am flattered.
I enjoy it the most when it's in regards to
a subject I'm not as good at (ex.
Getting that compliment in regards to something
I wrote instead of in regards to a STEM subject).
Like literally any of the compliments I seldom
get.
Amazing.
Most of my friends are very smart people (lawyers,
doctors, etc.), and I'm kind of the odd one
out in terms of my career.
I feel like an impostor.
I'd rather have my effort acknowledged and
praised.
The though of having achieved smartness squashes
the growth mindset.
There's also so many different topics to be
smart about; you can't cover them all, opportunity
costs and all.
If you are in awe of someone's ability to
do a specific cognitive task, be specific
in your praise.
If you find someone's knowledge on a subject
impressive say something like, "Wow!
You sure know a lot on interesting facts about
the x."
You can also praise their diversity of knowledge.
Smart is a blanket term.
If you want to let a person know you are paying
attention and appreciate who they are, be
specific.
Smart is a cheap and empty complement.
That said, I don't take it badly when the
complement is offered.
Just saying, there are options that would
be more impactful.
Uncomfortable . I have been told I was smart
for a long time , but as I grew up It changed
to 'you used to be so smart , what happened
now ?" , so if I hear " you're smart" now
I just think that it's temporary , they will
soon see the truth.
I say "Yes I am smart.
Just look.
Person, woman, man, camera, TV.
They said its incredible that I could remember
those words.
Like I wasn’t seen as so before, I will
still accept obviously.
I feel like being “smart” is what you
politely call kids that make good grades or
people who have put together qualities.
Awkward.
Pro Tip: don't tell your kids how "smart they
are" when they accomplish something.
Instead, praise their work ethic and perseverance.
People who get told they're smart often decide
they don't need to try as hard and become
lazy.
Especially kids who skate through K-12 on
their intelligence alone and never develop
proper organizational and studying habits.
They will suffer in work and academia.
Source: was that kid.
Like I really tricked that person.
Lonely.
Hearing it from parents, friends, teachers,
etc, used to feel good, something to be prideful
of, but growing up I lacked a lot of social
skills and always wondered why, if I'm so
smart, can I not get other people.
People would often tell I'm so smart, but
lately it's come to feel like something that
sets us apart and it feels lonely, as if I
don't fit in with the people giving me these
compliments.
Lately, I've found myself in a role where
I need to learn vast amounts of new things
very quickly and I've started feeling a sense
of imposter syndrome.
It's felt humbling sure, but I can feel the
neuroticism creeping in when I can't quite
understand or figure something out, so I have
to remind myself that no one can know everything.
I look at other, less intelligent yet more
successful people and wonder what the point
in being smart is if it comes with this feeling.
I get called smart and I look at myself and
wonder what I have to show for it.
It's not a compliment I like to receive, but
I'll always smile thank the person.
I'd prefer to receive compliments for achievements
and things that make me feel I earned the
praise.
And one lesson I'll take away from all of
this is, when I have kids of my own, I'll
be sure to praise them for their effort and
hard work, rather than something they can't
control.
Smile, say thanks, but try not to think about
or rationalize it because that Doesn’t end
well.
Take pride that you impressed someone, but
don’t let it get to your head (difficult
task).
A crafty woman I know once told me that when
she wants to flatter men, she tells smart
men that they are handsome and handsome men
that they are smart.
I have yet to hear someone say this to me.
It makes me feel like, "I appreciate your
evaluation of me in this moment, but I have
deep reservations about your expectations
of me in the future."
It feels patronizing to me.
I hate it.
"Either that was a lie or you have the mental
capacity of a medium sized turnip and I am
only smart by comparison."
As someone who's generally considered to be
smart, hearing it a lot can lead to you putting
a lot of pressure on yourself.
Like you always need to prove how smart you
are.
That's my experience anyway.
It makes me realise, without fail, that the
person giving it isn't smart.
The word smart (like so many words) is so
deeply nuanced that it means nothing to say.
There's a million types of 'smart', each one
with good and bad points, area of high intelligence
and area of complete dimwittedness.
Smart isn't something you are, it's mostly
just experience coupled with instinct, often
derived from luck, passion and good timing.
For the most part I take it as a recognition
of a skill of mine I value the most.
When I don't like it is when it's used by
people to completely dismiss what I'm saying
and belittle themselves by thinking they could
never have the capacity to understand things
the way I do.
I feel it's a cop out so people don't have
to put in even the littlest amount of effort
to critically think.
I'm not speaking a foreign language here if
you would just stop thinking about how many
likes your Instagram post is currently getting
and focus on what I'm saying for a second
you too can be "smart".
nothing, its the only compliment i get.
"No?".
Followed by the rest of the day wondering
if I'm actually smart, or are the people around
me morons.
Only foolish people thinks he’s smart.
Makes me feel like they don’t know me very
wellI have 4 degrees and usually find my work
as a lecturer at the closest school to whatever
city I live in.
When I don’t get teaching work, I take what
I can.
My last non-academic job was at a car dealership
of all things, and folks would just randomly
say things like “ask du_bekar, he’s smart”
as if my social sciences PhD was going to
help you unjam your printer any faster than
the more qualified IT guy was going to manage.
Few people bother to make their own judgements
on the intelligence of folks around them,
and will just look to qualifications or something
as their guide.
Like I know a whole lot about a few specific
things, but I’m gonna fuck up the coffee
maker and wash a red sock with all my whites
again in about 5 minutes anyway.
A girl once told me you're smart, but you
are weird.
I don't know if i it was a compliment or not.
Tell me I'm competent or that I'm a good person.
Smarts mean dick and you're just born with
them so they're completely out of your control.
I have the best grades in my class.
Im still an idiot.n many ways and knowing
a lot or having good grades doesnt make you
more worth it.
I just try not to get my ego too high and
these kind of compliments do make me feel
better about myself.
But that is not so important compared to being
a supportive fair person.
That's what i try to care about it the most.
It depends on the source.
There’s generally speaking two types of
compliments about things like intelligence.
First, those who are genuine and think you’re
smart.
Compliments from such people are fine.
Second though is those who are insecure and
complimenting out of a form of insecurity.
Using your intelligence as proof they are
dumb.
Basically insecure people.
It sucks to get a compliment from an insecure
person.
The feeling that just by existing you’re
making their life worse and you can’t do
anything about it is not a positive one.
It makes me feel sad, because my friends use
it as an excuse to say how “stupid” they
are.
When in reality, if they would just believe
in themselves, they could be smarter than
me.
I know it sounds like a cat poster, but it’s
true.
