What’s good padna? This week we
gettin fu**ed by the Man with Catch- 22 by
Joseph Heller.
It’s World War II, playa, and some
soulja boy named Yosarrian just set up shop
on the island of Pianosa. Yosarrian and his
crew always cruisin round in their G-Fo droppin
BOMBS on suckas. But Yossarian don’t give
a sh** about the war, this cat just tryin
to come out the other side with his nuts in
tact.
Since a bunch of crooked-ass
bureaucrats running the show, makin it home
ain’t gonna be easy. Yo- money was s’posed
to only fly a certain number of missions before
he can head back to his hood. But every time
he hits the mark, some ignant-ass colonel
named Cathcart re-ups the number.
Turns out there’s only one way for
Yosarrian and his boys to stay off their bomb-droppin
grind: they gotta be whacked out in the head.
So if you crazy, all you gotta do is say so
and the military will send yo ass home. Ain’t
no thang, right?
Well there’s a catch, son- an
unwritten law called Catch-22. If you straight
enough to be like “Say, brah. Im crazy.
Get me outta here,” then you ain’t ACTUALLY
crazy. To these shysti hustlas, just tryin
to save yo own ass is proof enough that ain’t
nothin wrong with yo mind. So no matter what,
these soldiers gotta keep marchin.
By the end, Yo-seezy seen da war
put all his homies six feet deep- Clevinger,
Kid Sampson, McWatt, Dunbar, Nately- even
his roommate Orr who crashing his planes on
the reg.
But it ain’t til he sees his boy Snowden
get iced that everything changes for Yo-yo.
After watchin
snow-baby’s guts get splattered all up on
his threadz, he realize that life is way more
important than some bunk-ass war.
Well turns out Yo-dawg’s roomie Orr
flowin the same rhyme. Erryone thought he
was dead, but on the real, this fool actually
PRACTICED crashing his plane, and now he kickin
back up in Sweden. Gangsta!
So Yosarrian be all like “Man.
fu**. This. So long suckas. Sweden it is!”
Yosarrian lives, B!
Harper Lee once called Catch-22
“the only war novel [she’d] ever read
that makes any sense.” Now you might be
wonderin “What the hell was that girl smokin?”
This book confusing as sh**! Everything’s
outta order, the same unrealistic jive keeps
happening over and over, and the hell is up
with all these fancy words?
Well this literary OG wouldn’t have
it any other way. Catch-22 is absurd and confusing
cuz we live in an absurd and confusing world.
So if you feel like you gettin
burned just tryin to make sense of this mess,
you feelin just like our man Yossarian.
This cat gotta throw down with
shysti capitalists, bent-ass bureaucrats,
stuck-up psychiatrists, and people he don’t
even know who wanna bust a cap in his ass!
Fool stuck in a crooked system that got him
by the balls in the worst way:
Life can wreck even the hardest playas on
the block, and nothin
does it faster than havin to take on a faceless
evil. How’s a brotha gonna step to something
he can’t even see?
Yeah this book got a assload of villains-
but none of em badder
than Death itself. When Yo-sizzle peeps Snowden
get straight LIT UP, he realize he done with
all this flag waving nonsense and just gotta
get his ass outta there STAT.
Life is fragile as fu**, and it
goes by like (Sparky snaps) that. So live
it up, padna.
And there ain’t no better way to
start livin large than sportin my swag and
hittin dat subscribe button. SPARKY SWEETS
LIVES. Peace!
