Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome aboard flight ABC 123
with direct service
to parenthood.
The local temperature
is all over the place,
so there's no way
to dress properly.
Carry-on items should
now be stored securely.
[CRASH]
But regardless of how
tight you shut it,
be prepared for [BLEEP]
to fall on your head
during the duration
of this flight.
You'll find a list
of approved dos
and don'ts in your in-flight
magazine located in the back
of your seat.
Just kidding.
You're completely on your own.
Please take a moment to find
the exits closest to you.
And remember, those
doors don't actually
work because you are stuck
on this plane forever.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(RAPPING) To all
your moms out there.
Yeah, you're doing it right.
And now a real mom tweet.
My exercise routine
mainly consists
on army-crawling out of my
kid's room when he falls asleep.
And let's walk our feet out.
Take a big breath in.
As a mom, you have to fight
to get some time for yourself.
So today I want to help three
deserving moms get some me
time.
Add a pop.
Pop.
Here's Taryn.
She is really in
the thick of it.
With a 14-week-old
baby girl, she just
wants to change her shirt.
Next up, Ariel.
She pushed out a baby
girl just nine months ago.
If she could have anything,
it would be a nap.
Finally, meet Latrenda.
With three kids off
to college, her nest
is as empty as her
savings account.
Exercise is good for the
mind, the body, the spirit,
but it's like, who
has time, you know?
Today, we do.
Let's move it down to waist.
Oh whoa.
Is this even exercise?
And melt it down.
Melt it down.
The one thing that was working
on my body after I had kids
was my arms because I'm just
lifting them all the time,
those little tanks.
Body roll back.
And ooh, love that variation.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) There ain't
no excuses, excuses--
I think my water just broke.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, my vagina
needs a break.
And now a word from our sponsor.
The stamina it takes, you guys.
You know what's quick and good?
These, LALA Yogurt Smoothies.
Oh my gosh.
They're delicious, healthy,
convenient on the go.
You know what else we need?
What?
I'll let you find out
in the next scene.
It's like kids can
just smell us relaxing.
You know you're a real grown
up when sweating is a luxury.
Seriously, if I pass
out, don't wake me
because I really need a nap.
I won't.
The first rule of parent club--
you never tell anyone you're
going to the bathroom.
Before I had kids, I look back
at that time and I'm like,
what on earth did I do
with all those hours?
I feel like an eight-minute
shower is like a vacation.
It's a luxury.
You just want to say, can
I just have a quick moment
to do nothing and
no one needs me?
Curious what it's
like to be a mom?
Have someone shout your name
every 30 seconds one inch
from your face while you're
trying to write a grocery list.
Do not call me mom.
I think that's healthy though.
I think we're crazy
if we're trying
to pretend like it's not OK
to say sometimes we just wish
that no one needed us.
I think it's healthy to
say, oh, there were things
I loved about my life
before kids, like swearing
with reckless abandon.
Absolutely.
I do miss that a little bit.
Yeah.
I can't wait for the
day when I actually
wake up to my alarm clock,
not screaming children.
Let's talk about
all the things we're
going to do once they
grow up and go to college
and then we're free.
Travel.
My youngest is 18.
I just got my passport.
Yes, the plans are happening.
I really hope they
don't come back.
I'm so happy to
hear you say that.
We need to be saying it's
OK if people say that.
It's also OK if you lock
yourself in your house and cry
and need to go to therapy
because of empty nest,
but it's also OK to say
I have my life back.
Yeah, right.
I wish someone would threaten
to put me to bed for a change.
And this is something
that's so important to me
is like this idea of self-care.
Self-care is a Band-Aid for
a larger problem, right?
I want to encourage
women, all of us
to be better at
stating our needs,
not putting it all
on your shoulders.
Moms can't do everything, right?
Right.
I need to give my baby a bath.
I'm tired, go to school
all day and working.
I feel like as her mom, I
should do it, but I need help.
So I need to be
confident in that.
You got to state your
needs to those around you.
And I'm just going
to say, Latrenda,
I'm going to bring my kids
to your house this weekend.
I'm going to leave
them there for a while.
That was so easy.
We did it.
When's the last time
you guys got a massage?
OK, ladies.
[CHEERING]
Girls, let's get greasy.
I want to be a good mom,
but I have children.
Well, if there's one thing
to take away from today,
it's that sometimes
you just need
to get nudey and have a
stranger touch you all over.
Absolutely.
Moms, you can't
take care of others
until you've taken
care of yourselves.
Take time to pamper yourself
the way you do with your baby
but without the
diaper cream, or with.
No judgment.
Cheers.
Cheers.
