

" _Lindsey's Choice allows readers to journey into the pressures of life as a teenager, and experience the ramifications of their choices in these situations that many girls find themselves in. A must read for mothers and daughters as a tool for emphasizing there is always a choice."_

– _Lisa Landry-Jones, Teacher_

" _Lindsey Connors is a compassionate young adult who, not unlike youth today, choose paths that have consequences. You could feel Lindsey's emotions through the choices she makes. A simple and appropriate read for youths."_

– _Lavina Zahay, School Health Nurse,  
30 years experience._

### Laurel Peterson

Lindsey's Choice

Published by Laurel Peterson at Smashwords

Copyright ©2009 Laurel Peterson

All rights reserved. The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photo-copying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system, without prior consent of the publisher is an infringement of the copyright law.

Laurel Peterson

Edmonton, AB Canada

ISBN 978-1-897544-25-9

Cover Artwork: Janet Deane

Publication assistance and digital printing in Canada by:

To my Mom and Dad who believed I could do anything...

To my husband, my sunshine after the rain...

To my beautiful daughters, who put a sparkle in my eye and a smile on my face each and every day.

To my amazing sister Lindsey, who has demonstrated more strength and courage in her life than I ever thought was possible...

To the rest of my fantastic family and friends who said, "You need to publish that book!"

Thanks to Janet for her encouragement and for committing valuable hours of her artistic talent toward my beautiful cover design.

### Table of Contents

Chapter 1. Bye Bye Summertime

Chapter 2. Meet Joey

Chapter 3. The Big Day

Chapter 4. One Week down, 39 To Go...

Chapter 5. Volleyball Try-Outs

Chapter 6. Chloe's Surprise Visit

Chapter 7. Party Time!

STORYLINE A

Chapter 8a. Drink It Up!

Chapter 9a. My Head Hurts

Chapter 10a. My Head Still Hurts

Chapter 11a. Refocus

Chapter 12a. The New Gang

Chapter 13a. One Lucky Girl

Chapter 14a. What Happened?

Chapter 15a. Here Comes Trouble...

Chapter 16a. Is This Elevator Going Down?

Chapter 17a. Can't Get Any Worse...

Chapter 18a. Trying To Move ON

Chapter 19a. Rock Bottom

Chapter 20a. Killing Time

Chapter 21a. When In Doubt, Party!

Chapter 22a. Rave

Chapter 23a. Huh?

Chapter 24a. Dreams Do Come True

Epilogue A

STORYLINE B

Chapter 8b. Home Time

Chapter 9b. Behind the Mask

Chapter 10b. Visit to Canon General

Chapter 11b. Deirdre Duncan

Chapter 12b. Game On

Chapter 13b. Celebration Time

Chapter 14b. The Phone Call

Chapter 15b. Life Goes On

Epilogue B

CHAPTER 1

### Bye Bye Summertime

Hot. Too hot. My whole body is stick y and moist. I feel like I can't even take a fresh breath. I can't believe I'm complaining. I've been looking forward to summer holidays for months and now, here we are at the beach, again. Actually the best part of lying on my towel, resting my body on my elbows and for sure, wearing my shades, is checking people out.

I love watching all the different people do what they do. Kids playing in the sand, eating the sand, some peeing in the sand. Digging holes, fighting for toys. Another family has just arrived at a picnic table. Mom unpacks their lunch while all five kids run off into the water. "Who wanted PB & J, and who wanted plain cheese?"

My best friend Chloe went to get us some mango ice Smoothies. She loves having an excuse to get up and strut her stuff. Chloe and I have been best friends since grade 5. I guess that means about five years because we celebrated my 16th birthday last Friday.

"Oh my god, he's here!"

My body took a small leap.

"You scared the crap out of me... who's here?"

"Jacob Stein!" Chloe replied in a half-whisper half-scream.

"Why can't you give up on him, he's still dating what's her face from Hunts Skunks." Huntington Middle School is our arch rival and apparently "our guys" think its cooler to date "Hunts hotties." Just because they've been female city volleyball champions three years in a row.

"Jess said they broke up this summer," Chloe said in one short breath.

"Jessica just wishes... she doesn't know for sure."

"Lindsey, why do you always do this?"

"Do what?"

"You can never be just happy or excited for me. Can't I just have a little fun?"

"Fine. I just don't want you to get hurt again like the last time..." I said.

"Adam is a loser and we're not talking about him." Chloe attempted to make it really clear.

"Whatever. Who's Jacob with?" I pretended to be interested.

"The Newman boys, Kurt and Eddie... and some other guy I didn't recognize. Jacob looked soooo good, he's got like totally long curly hair now, very tanned with that same gorgeous smile."

I tried to look past Chloe to check out the action. Sure enough he was looking good. He was wearing a pair of khaki green cargos with his white "T" hanging from his shorts, obviously just finished up a game of beach volleyball.

"Looks like he's wearing that choker you gave him last summer, maybe they did break up." Here we go again...

My name is Lindsey Conners. I am 16 years old. I live at 520 Wright road. I've lived in the city of Canon all my life. My dad, richard is a dentist and works long hours. My mom, Katherine (or Kate), picks up the odd shift at Canon General Hospital as a labor and delivery nurse. I love to hear her stories of some of the babies she gets to help deliver. Sounds like it really hurts but I can't wait to have my own baby some day. My mom says that it is a lot harder than just having a cute cuddly infant to hold all day long. She told me once there was a girl my age that had a baby. The mom gave her to a family who couldn't have their own babies. I guess it was pretty sad.

My mom is pretty cool. That's what my friends say. She lets me listen to my music loud when we're driving in the car. But sometimes I feel like she's always trying to get in my business. That drives me crazy. She always asks so many questions when I get home from being with my friends or even before I go out! My dad is OK. I mean, it's not like we talk much. He doesn't seem very interested in what I'm doing and I like it like that.

I have an 11-year-old sister, Aimee. She is so annoying. She "borrows" my clothes and wrecks them. Sometimes when Chloe and Jessica are over, she follows us around like a puppy. She even tries to listen to our conversations when we're in my room with the door closed. I know this because I've crept up to my door and opened it quickly, and she practically falls into my room ear first! She totally tries to be like us. My mom says she admires us and I should consider it a compliment. Whatever.

My little brother Derek is six. I guess Mom and Dad thought they'd try for "their boy" just one more time. Well they got what they wanted. Actually he's pretty cute. He just plays with his trains and doesn't say too much. Kinda like my dad, I guess that's why people say he takes after him.

We've lived in the same house since I was born. Chloe lives a few doors down. Jessica lives out in the country on a farm. Her family has a lot of animals. Jessica wants to be a vet one day. Chloe wants to be a model. I still don't know what I want to be yet. I have a long time to decide. My mom and dad are always after me about getting good grades. I don't even like school and I have no idea what's so important about good grades. It's not like doing good in math is going to get me an awesome career where I make a lot of money.

"My mom should be here soon to pick us up," I said. "Do you think I should talk to him?" asked Chloe. "Sure, why not, you're not the shy type."

"Here I go, wish me luck!" Chloe giggled as she pranced away towards the group of guys hanging around the volleyball net.

Sometimes I wish I was more like Chloe. She's so pretty, long straight blonde hair, blue eyes (Chloe says they're called "icy blue"), great body, at least the guys think so. She is always getting checked out when we're at the beach. Guys are always staring at her chest when she's talking to them or watching her when she's walking away from them. She could just pick and choose any guy she wants.

Her mom and dad divorced when she was a baby. Her mom was only 18 when she had her. Her mom is really pretty, too. She always seems to have a boyfriend over. Chloe doesn't seem to mind because she always gets a lot of attention from them also. Sometimes when we have sleepovers, Chloe's mom's latest "boyfriend" stays overnight. Either that or he comes over to visit really early in the morning.

What is taking her so long? We're supposed to meet my mom just off the main pier at 4 o'clock and it's 5 to 4. As I was packing up my suntan oil, brush and towel, I caught a glimpse of Chloe and the boys. They had all circled around her, hanging off every word. She gave her flirty laugh and looked down at her feet, shuffling imaginary rocks. She noticed I was watching and waved my way, for me to come over. I gathered my things.

"Lindsey, come over here!" shouted Chloe.

"Hey." I tried to greet the group as coolly as I could.

"Linds, you remember Jacob?" asked Chloe.

"Jake," replied Jacob with much more confidence than I remember. "How has your summer been?" inquired Jake.

"Pretty short, worked a lot and spent the rest of the time here," I replied.

"Lookin' forward to going back?"

"Not at all."

Jake gave a cute laugh as he looked down at his sandals, gave me a quick smile and brushed some blonde curls off his face.

Chloe announced loudly that it was time to go.

"So call me OK?" instructed Chloe.

"I'll call ya tonight." Jake gave a wink to Chloe as he and the boys turned away.

"Who's that guy in the shades?" I asked Chloe. "I don't know, why?"

"He looks familiar..."

"There's my mom."

Nothing feels better than a cold shower after a hot day at the beach. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was reaching for my towel. I look fat. I need to be skinny like Chloe and then I could get the guys she gets. I combed out my shoulder-length brown straight hair. I guess it's called chestnut brown, same color as my eyes. I'm pretty plain. I sure got quite a tan over the summer, my teeth look like I painted them white. That's the one thing I do like about myself, people tell me I have a nice smile. My mom says I should smile a lot more because I have such perfect teeth. Oh well, if I were only skinnier.

"Lindsey, phone!" yelled mom.

"Thanks mom, I'll take it in my room."

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. How was the beach today?"

"Hey Jess. Same old thing. Chloe saw Jacob Stein and went up and talked to him."

"You're kidding?! Think they'll get together?"

"I'm thinking she'll wait until we get back to school, see if there are any new cute guys."

"Adam really messed her up. She doesn't seem to take anything really serious anymore when it comes to guys."

"You probably would, too, if the one guy you thought was going to be your boyfriend for the whole summer, dumped you for someone else."

"Ya right. Three more sleeps and we are official high school babes."

"I am so not excited."

"Come on Linds, it's going to be the best time of our life! real high school parties, dating, we'll get our driver's license and actually drive ourselves to school! I can't wait!"

"I guess you're right, we have a lot to look forward to." I attempted to convince myself.

CHAPTER 2

### Meet Joey

I am totally terrified about star ting Creston High School. There are three other junior high schools that feed into this school. I just feel like I'll get lost, and what if my friends want to hang out with other girls? What if I get left out of things because I'm not cool enough? What if I don't make the volleyball team? I've always been on all the sport teams. I think that's what I'm best known for. If I don't make these teams, than what? Just be a complete dork and walk the hallways alone?

I've got to get some sleep; I'm so tired of these neverending thoughts. I look over at my clock, 1:58 AM; I have to work at 9 AM. If I'm late again, bitchy Bridget will let me hear about it and I'll have another crappy day at work. This will be my last weekend before school anyways. Working at the beach scooping ice cream hasn't been that bad but I sure don't want to do it for the rest of my life.

"Can I get a double scoop of chocolate please?" a sweet little voice asked politely.

"No sweetie, just a mini-scoop for you," her mom instructed.

"OK..." she said with obvious disappointment.

"Here you go cutie-pie, here are some extra sprinkles on top for good luck," I offered.

"Thank you!" she replied with a big grin missing two front teeth.

"Thanks," her mother said kindly as they left the parlor.

"You sure have a way with kids."

I looked up from the till and noticed that familiar face who was hanging around Jake Stein and the boys. I must have looked a little confused as I took time to place him.

"You don't remember me, do you?" He had short dark hair, dark skin, with ever so deep almost black eyes with long lashes. He looked disappointed with my hesitance. He had no shirt on and sand was stuck to his elbows and under his chin. The sand glistened on his stomach, highlighting his muscular abs.

"I'm Johann Cranston, well they call me Joey." He was obviously hoping for some recognition.

"Volleyball camp three years ago up in Jackson Heights?"

"Johann?!" I said, a little embarrassed at the elation in my voice.

"Wow, you look a little different." I was trying not to sound too surprised by his complete transformation. I remembered Johann as very quiet. He seemed like such an introvert. I wasn't sure if he even hung out with anyone. He was a pretty good player, but I honestly didn't pay much attention as there were too many really hot guys to notice. I even think he had to wear glasses that were held in place with some sort of bungee cord. I remember he had pretty bad acne. I'd actually felt sorry for him.

"It has been three years you know."

"Yeah, I know, sorry... uh... how have you been?"

"Pretty great actually, I've been competing nationally for junior men's beach v-ball. We've traveled a lot over the summer. I'm starting Creston High with you guys."

"How do you know Jake Stein?"

"His cousin plays for our men's team. He's the only guy I know here in Canon. Jake tells me you still play a lot of beach v-ball."

"Whenever I'm not working or lying on the beach." I started to feel shy talking to him. I felt his eyes take in every word.

"We're just setting up a mixed team and we're short a girl."

"Sure, I'm in but I'm not off work for another hour." I tried to hide my excitement.

"Just meet us at the nets at 4 o'clock."

"I'll see you there."

Luckily I had my shorts and tank-top in my bag. Combing out my hair and wrapping it up in a knot on top of my head, I actually began to feel excited about starting school this year. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. I felt butterflies in my stomach for the first time in... for the first time.

"Got it!"

"Mine!"

"Set it up, let's go!" Smack.

"Sweet, Joey! That's game!

"We have quite the crowd watching." I said.

"That's because the star is here," Jeff Newman said.

"We need him for the chicks, loser." Eddie boasted tackling Jeff.

Joey gave a shy grin, obviously getting used to this type of attention.

"Lindsey, we were thinking of getting together for one last fire on the pier tonight, would you like to come?'

"Um... uh... yeah... sure... I'd love to." I felt my face get very warm.

"Great, I'll see ya tonight around 8 o'clock." He gave a very shy, warm smile. His dark eyes looked right into mine when he spoke.

"Bring Chloe!" yelled Jake, all his friends starting to cheer and chant... "Go Jake!"

* * *

"53 bottles of beer on the wall, 53 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 52 bottles of beer on the wall..."

"OK, I think we've heard enough. I just can't let you get to one bottle..." said Kurt. Kurt was born 20 years before his time.

"You dorks don't even know what beer tastes like," Jake boasted.

"I suppose you do?" challenged Eddie.

"My brother brings it home for me to try, goes down nice and smooth on a hot day."

"My mom's boyfriend let me taste his beer once, it was pretty gross," offered Chloe.

"Well high school is going to be different my friends, nothing but parties and a lot of fun, fun, fun." Jake tickled Chloe around her waist. She let out her usual goofy flirty giggle.

"Are you sure you guys are ready for the big Creston High?" Kurt asked.

"Can't wait to see new babes!" joked Scott Newman. His girlfriend Kelly shot him a hard look.

"I can't wait to meet some hot guys!" Kelly retorted. Everyone laughed.

"Let's go for a walk," whispered Joey who was sitting on a log and practically fell over on me trying to get my attention. I quietly giggled and followed as we didn't want to make much of a scene leaving the group around the fire. We jogged off softly toward the beach.

"I'm not going to worry about anything," said Joey.

"Anything?" I questioned.

"There is always so much hype about starting high school. I'm the new guy, at least you guys know everyone from your school. My dad always told me that I can just be myself because people get into trouble when they are trying to be like other people. you can't mess up being yourself."

"Your dad sounds pretty smart."

"I consider him my best friend."

"I guess I feel the same way about my mom, it's just that she's always asking so many questions, I feel like she thinks everything I do is her business."

"She's just looking out for you," Joey replied in a soothing voice.

"You sound just like her!" We laughed.

The silence was surprisingly comfortable.

"I had the biggest crush on you at volleyball camp." Joey confessed.

"You did? I had no idea."

"Like you would have noticed me anyways, you were pretty busy with all the attention you were getting AND giving!"

"Was not!" I gave him a playful push.

He grabbed me unexpectedly and threw me over his shoulder. I shrieked but loved every minute of it. His shoulder muscles were rock hard as he held me in place.

"Put me down!" Did I just say that?

We were laughing so hard we both fell backwards into the cool sand.

"I looked like a total geek back then anyways."

"Yeah you did." I snickered. He was obviously confident enough in his appearance now to accept that jab.

"I'm kidding."

"Lindsey, why is it that we are meeting again at the end of summer holidays?" Joey said sadly.

"You were too busy traveling around playing beach volleyball." I said sarcastically. We both laughed weakly this time. He then looked into my eyes; the gentle breeze off the lake brushed hair across his brow. He smiled at me, and at that point I knew what it truly felt like to feel butterflies in my stomach.

"Should we try this?" He whispered and grabbed my hand.

"Okay," I whispered.

His hand felt warm and soft, yet strong. I felt completely protected and secure. I never want this moment to end...

CHAPTER 3

### The Big Day

"Lindsey, time to get up you big high school girl!" my mother shouted.

"You better wear your cool clothes!" Aimee added, laughing.

"Like she knows," I mumbled to myself as I heaved my legs over one side of the bed to sit up. I sat on the edge for a moment and thought to myself, I feel pretty good. This is the morning I've been dreading forever, but at this instant I feel pretty darn good. I can't wait to see Joey...

I showered, blow-dried my hair, grabbed my straightener, and swiped a little gel to hold some pieces in place. My phone rings.

"Hello?"

"I don't want to go, I'm scared, I have a stomach ache, my hair is NOT cooperating, and I got lipstick on my new jeans!"

"Chloe, you're giving yourself a hernia." I spoke calmly.

"I'll lend you some denims. Can your mom still drive?"

"Yeah, but what if your jeans don't fit? I still can't get my hair to work, and I..."

"Relax! you're starting to stress me out!"

"Sorry, I'll be right over."

Laughing, playful shouts, welcomes and reunions, this is it.

Jessica, Chloe and I were standing outside the main doors of Creston High School.

Small groups started to form larger groups, some stood alone, waiting for the doors to open.

"Chloe, you're hurting my arm," She was griping my arm like I was taking her to prison.

"Chill out, let's see if we can find Kelly and Hanna," said Jessica.

"Hey guys, you look great! I like your hair, Chloe!" said Hanna. We could always count on Hanna to be in good spirits and to provide us with a little pick-me-up. This seemed to calm Chloe down to her normal self again.

"Thanks, where are the guys?" inquired Chloe.

"Jeff and Scott got a ride with their dad pretty early. I think they're checking out their classes already," Kelly said.

"I saw Jake talking to his ex-girlfriend by the gym. He's also with some new guy, who looks pretty gorgeous," Hanna said giggling turning to look at Kelly's reaction.

"That's Joey Cranston, he's from Jackson Heights, and he's got the hots for Lindsey," Jessica stated in almost a protective manner.

"Is this true, Lindsey?" Hanna asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah...I guess you could say we're kind of seeing each other. I met him at a volleyball camp a few years ago. I saw him at the parlor last weekend and we've been hanging out."

"Jake is talking to his ex?!" interrupted Chloe, probably not even realizing it.

"I need to check this out, come on you guys."

"Talk to you later," I said quickly as Chloe was dragging me off.

Brittany Sinclair....for the lack of a better description, is a complete bitch. Gorgeous? yes, but knows it. Gets any guy, anytime? yes. Chews them up and spits them out? All the time. She's the hottest thing from Huntington Middle. Her hair, long and black, her green snake-like eyes hid behind thick black eyelashes. Her red, pouty lips slightly curled upward in the corners like The Joker from Batman. She's got the body of a 20 year old. She reminds me of a black cat; suspicious, unpredictable, snobby, and only cares about herself.

"There they are," Chloe said angrily.

Brittany was dragging her claw down one side of Jake's chest, and smiling seductively.

Her female groupies were hanging by.

I grabbed Chloe's arm, "Would you relax! you've been seeing him all of a week! Be cool, this is our first day of classes," I started to lower my voice as people were starting to look our way... including Brittany and friends.

"Oh god, here they come," Jessica starting looking the other way. All of a sudden I felt like this moment was in slow motion. She looked determined, on a mission, her friends following in perfect formation behind their almighty leader.

"Aren't you Chloe Drummond from Kincora Middle School?" asked Brittany, surprisingly polite.

"Yes," Chloe responded with obvious shock.

I felt completely on display with the way they were checking us out. Glaring, but more at curiosity then belittlement. It's kind of like a new dog to the neighborhood and the other dogs smelling his... well you know what I mean.

"Jake told me he's been spending some time with you lately."

"He told you that?" Chloe remained in shock.

"Yeah, it's totally cool, we're completely over. I was just saying hi to him."

"Oh... I... huh... I don't care, that's cool, we kinda just met anyways..." Chloe was stuttering... what a display, I had to shake my head.

"My parents are out of town next weekend; I'm planning a break-in party. you should come," Brittany said with complete assurance.

"Sure!" Chloe couldn't even hide her excitement if she wanted to.

"I guess you can bring your friends as well," Brittany looked Jessica and I up and down like we had to try-out for her party.

"Well we have to go, I'll talk to you later Chloe." Off she paraded with her "kittens" following close behind.

"Can you believe it?!" Chloe was like a kid at Christmas.

"We're not going," Jessica said without hesitation.

"I've heard about her parties, I'm not into that," I said following along with Jess.

"Come on, we were the popular girls at Kincora, now we have to prove we're just as popular to hang out with the popular girls from Huntington. Brittany is so cool!" Chloe was speaking to us but looking everywhere else.

"Give me a break, you spoke to her for two minutes and now you're best friends?!" Jessica was sounding irritated.

"Come on you guys, the first bell is going to go, and we'll talk about this later," I said calmly. I play the mediator role nicely.

"Was that the lunch bell?" asked Mrs. Clarkson, our Health Science teacher. The class let out a quiet cheer.

"You're dismissed but please complete those questions at the end of the chapter two by Wednesday."

"I'm so hungry, what do you want to do for lunch?" asked Jess.

"I think everyone's meeting on the benches outside the gym," I replied.

"I still haven't talked to Joey." I started looking for his familiar face as we headed for our lockers.

"I really like Mrs. Clarkson, I'm glad we got her instead of Mr. Thompson, I heard he dated a girl in grade 12 a few years ago!" Jess said.

"You're kidding? That's disgusting, I heard once..."

"Stop it!" yelled a female voice.

"Nice shoes, did your mom buy them at the thrift store?!! I still have that coupon for deodorant I think you need," cackled a familiar voice, followed by the laughter of a small group of hyenas.

"Brittany, do you mind?" begged the girl.

"Brittany, do you mind," mimicked Brittany.

"I was hoping high school would be different," the girl said solemnly.

"Well I thought you would have shaved off your mustache by now, well maybe you are a guy-are you going to finally come out of the closet!? Bet you can't wait to check me out in the change room this year! I have a boyfriend you know." More laughter from the gallery.

"You're such a bitch." The girl said.

The girl seemed to be getting more and more agitated with Brittany's antics. I was hoping Brittany would soon grow weary and take her crew elsewhere.

"Ohhhhhh... so you're a tough girl this year are you?" Brittany was looking for something. Suddenly one of Brittany's disciples shoved the girl forcefully into a line of lockers, scattering all her books.

"That's about enough, you girls!" shouted Mr. Ramsey, the school principal. "Go have your lunch." He continued walking toward the office.

The girl seemed upset, but frustrated more than anything. This was obviously not their first type of encounter together. She stormed off toward the cafeteria.

"Did you guys see that?" Kelly and Hanna asked in unison.

"She is so mean, who was that girl?" I asked.

"I think her name is Deirdre. They call her Deirdre Dork. She's from Huntington. I saw some granny looking woman who was driving an old dirty pick-up truck drop her off this morning. She seems kind of strange." Kelly was starting to sound as mean as Brittany. I always feel sad for the outcasts.

"Hey..." A warm breath in my ear, I felt a strong arm come around my waist from behind.

"Hi!" The butterflies are back.

"I've been looking for you, I saw you guys this morning but it looked like you were in some heated conversation so I didn't want to bug you."

"You should have," I said. He looked curious.

"I'll tell ya later," I said smiling.

"I'm supposed to meet Jake by the gym, you guys coming?"

"We're just heading there," Hanna said.

I felt his hand take mine. I felt so proud and so self-assured. I wanted everyone to see us.

Jake, Jeff and Scott Newman, and Eddie were all sitting on the benches as Jess, Kelly, Hanna, Joey and I greeted them.

"Where's Chloe?" I asked the group.

"She said something about having lunch with Brittany and her friends," Jake said nonchalantly.

"We had plans," I said with obvious disappointment.

"Here they come now." He sounded a little more excited.

With Chloe and Brittany in front, this parade had dress, attitude and poise, with a Miss Teen Snob theme. Or simply, the ingredients of a New York catwalk. Chloe broke away from the group momentarily.

"Hi guys," she said coolly.

"How were your classes this morning?" I asked in regular fashion but really wanting to ask why the hell are you hanging out with Brittany!

"Actually pretty awesome, Brit and I managed to have all our classes together!"

"Brit?" mumbled Jessica, loud enough for me to hear.

"We have a table in the cafeteria, you guys coming in?" asked Chloe but looking directly at Jake.

"We'll meet you in there," I shot her a stern, evil glare.

"Ok!" We all watched her bounce away, prancing toward the group of Brittanys who were waiting for her. Obviously oblivious to the message I was trying to send her. Am I losing my best friend? I am so furious with her! How could she be so shallow? Doesn't she know what true friendship really is! I don't understand her at all! Apparently reputation is all she cares about. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

"Lindsey, you okay?" Joey put his arm around my shoulders.

"Fine, let's just eat," I said trying to hide my disappointment and confusion.

Miss Van Weldan is the Creston Queens volleyball coach. They have won regional championships five years in a row. I've heard she represented Canada in the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. I have also heard she is a tough and demanding coach, expects a lot from her girls. I can't wait to tryout. I'm nervous but I can't wait to get into the excitement. Volleyball for me has always been a great way to release any tension and stress. I play hard and hit harder. I wonder what the competition is out there. I know some of the names who are now in grade 12 who I'm sure will be back this year. There are usually about two or three grade 10 girls who make the team. I guess there is always the Queen's junior team but I'm confident I could make that team with my eyes closed. They don't nearly have the attention or reputation the senior team does.

"When are the volleyball try-outs?" asked Dad at dinner that evening.

"I've heard Miss Van Weldan likes to have the first cuts done by the end of the second week of school, so by next Friday I guess."

"How are you feeling about it?" asked Mom.

"Nervous, I guess. I really want to make it."

"Are there any cute guys in high school?" Aimee asked.

"Probably, I haven't really noticed," I answered annoyed.

"Oh yeah, YOU have a boyfriend," Aimee started to sing.

"What? What would you know?"

"Candice's older sister's friend's cousin goes to Creston, and she told Alexa who told Candice that she saw you holding hands with some good-looking guy at lunch!"

I could just roll my eyes.

"Oh? What's his name, Sweetie?" Mom suddenly became interested.

"Joey Cranston, he's from Jackson Heights, and no, I don't know what his father does, and yes, he attends church services, and I don't know if he's had other girlfriends, I just didn't want to ask." I thought I'd cut to the chase.

"Lindsey!" Mom said laughing.

"He does play for the men's regional beach volleyball team. They traveled the country playing last summer."

"He must be pretty good." Dad got in on the conversation.

"I brought my Dexter Dragger Train to show and tell today and Bradley said his was faster!" Derek too, got in on the conversation but added a slight twist.

"We'll make yours the fastest train ever! We'll add two big jet engines to it!" Dad said.

"Cool, Bradley's going to cry like a baby!"

We all laughed. If only we had the daily problems poor Derek is usually faced with.

CHAPTER 4

### One Week down,  
39 To Go...

That first week of school flew. Chloe seemed to be growing more distant than ever. She spent practically that whole first weekend with Brittany. She said she had to help organize for the party that is coming up this weekend. Jessica, Hanna, Joey and some of the guys just hung out at the beach rallying the volleyball at the nets. It was definitely Fall as we had to wear our track pants and hoodies. This time of year makes me sad because I hate saying goodbye to the summer.

"You guys are lookin' good, are you ready for try-outs?" Joey asked.

"You bet! Those Huntington hogs will be sorry!" Jessica announced.

I just laughed.

"I better go, it's getting pretty chilly," I said.

"I'll walk you home." Joey said and started to help Eddie take down the net.

Up in my room I was checking out the clothes that I would wear tomorrow. I just couldn't stop thinking about Chloe. Do I just let her do her thing? I mean, it's not like I'd be without friends if I didn't have her. Volleyball is going to keep me busy, and now with spending extra time with Joey as well. I still better talk to her.

"Hi, is Chloe home?" Some new guy of her mom's answered.

"Chloe, phone!"

"Hello?" Chloe answered.

"Hi, it's me."

"I don't have much time. I'm meeting with Brittany and everyone at the mall. What's up?" Chloe asked in one quick breath.

"You tell me! Are you ditching us or what?" I couldn't help but become hostile.

"I don't know what you're talking about?" Chloe was acting surprised with my tone.

"It seems like you've got yourself some new friends."

"Lindsey, you're still my best friend. It's just that Brittany and I seem to have a lot in common. She likes to go to the malls. We wear the same look and like to check out guys. right now we're scoping Justin Matthews, he's hot, he's in Grade 12, drives a jeep AND plays in a band!"

"Great...." I couldn't contain my excitement.

"Lindsey, you would rather toss the volleyball around or go jogging, I'm not into that, and you know that! Plus, you have Joey now, how do I compete with him for your time?" Chloe was sounding victimized.

"What about Jake?"

"A short and sweet fling, there are tons of fish out there who I could get with." She was starting to speak another language.

"Get with?" I questioned.

"You know have some fun and then be on the run," She laughed.

"That's what Brittany calls it, ha ha!"

"You've changed," I said.

"Lindsey, seriously, let's have lunch together tomorrow okay? you should also consider coming to Brit's party this weekend. We'll have fun together, okay?"

"I'll think about it, I'll meet you after second bell at your locker."

"See you then." Click. She didn't even say goodbye.

I looked in the mirror on my vanity table. My brain was trying to compute the conversation. I can't waste my time worrying about everything. Maybe Brittany is fun. I guess I could give her a chance. Maybe we should check this party out. There's no harm in that, if it's not my thing I can always leave...I just need to convince Jess. My phone rings, it's Joey.

"Do you feel like tossing the ball around?"

"Sounds great, I'll set up my net in the backyard."

"Cool, I'll see you in a bit!

I love him.

"Bump, set and hit it back to me... use more of your legs and not so much your arms... good... now hit it harder back... good... harder this time... OUCH!"

"You said harder."

"You're a tough one Lindsey Connors, that's why I love ya." He lunged forward to give me a quick hug.

"Ahhhhhhhh," a little voice came from the upstairs window.

"Aimee, don't you have something to do?" I was annoyed but not mad. There's just no being mad on Cloud 9!

"Hi Aimee! Do you want to come play volleyball with us?" teased Joey.

"Hee hee hee" and she was gone.

"She's cute," said Joey.

"She has her moments," I replied.

"Come on; make me as good as you! I must get on that team!" I said eagerly.

"Easy girl!" Joey chuckled at my excitement. "I don't think you'll have a problem."

We volleyed back and forth for probably two hours. Joey showed me some new blocking moves at the net. I retrieved some hard hits from him until my forearms were black and blue. It was getting dark by this time.

"All right I'm done," I collapsed in the grass.

"Good job," Joey sat down beside me.

He gently brushed my hair out of my eye with one finger. He tenderly held my chin with his soft hand, leaned in slow as if to ask for permission to kiss me. His lips met mine slowly, with surprising sweetness. My heart flipped. It was beating so hard I was worried Joey could hear its thumps. I tried to speak, but couldn't find any words, let alone the right words to say. I could only smile and hope I wasn't blinding him by the glow on my face.

"I better go, it's getting late," said Joey.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said with a big grin on my face.

"Bye." He playfully punched my shoulder and threw me a bashful smile.

"Hey Mom, hi Aimee what are you two doing?" I asked as I slowly touched down from heaven.

"You like him a lot, don't you Lindsey?" Mom asked. I swear she knows all my emotions.

"Mom!?" I felt my face getting red again.

"It's soooo obvious! I don't think you've EVER said hi to me before!" Aimee said all-knowingly.

"I even saw you kiss!!" Aimee started her irritating giggle.

"You're kissing already? I thought you just started seeing each other?" Mom started doing "the mom" thing.

"I don't need to hear the birds and the bee's thing again. Plus, it's not like that. I mean I'm not like that."

"I know sweetie, I guess I just always need to know you're making smart decisions. you know you can always talk to me," Mom said.

"I know, don't worry!" I reassured her.

"It's just that I overheard some of the women from yoga talking about the Drummond family, well more like Chloe and her mom and..."

"Mom! Don't you trust me? Chloe is my best friend but we still are very different! Why do you always compare me to Chloe!?" I started to yell.

"I'm sorry honey, I do trust you, it's Chloe that I don't trust and you guys spend so much time together."

"Chloe is slowly starting to hang out with different girls now anyway..." I said with noticeable discontent.

"Well I always believe that things..."

"Happen for a reason, I know mom. I'm going to get ready for bed." I said

"You're a smart girl Lindsey, and you make good decisions. Goodnight sweetie, I love you."

"Love you to mom."

"Good luck tomorrow."

"Thanks."

"Has Chloe been to her locker yet?" I asked Kelly whose locker is right next to Chloe's.

"Haven't seen her and I've been standing here waiting for Scott for 15 minutes. Oh there he is. What took you?" asked Kelly before he could stop walking.

"Sorry, Mr. Gehring wanted to discuss my brutal essay mark."

"Hey Lindsey, Joey is having lunch in the cafeteria with Jake." Scott said.

"Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to meet up with Chloe for lunch."

"I just saw her and Brittany Sinclair get into a jeep with some Grade 12 guys off the football team."

"Oh." I tried not to sound too disappointed but really felt like crying inside.

"Come join us..." Kelly grabbed my arm. She knew I was hurt.

CHAPTER 5

### Volleyball Try-Outs

As I was complaining to Jessica about Chloe while we changed into our g ym clothes for tr y-outs, I overheard one of the girls talking about how she lost so much weight over the summer. She was saying something about sticking her finger down her throat after she eats junk food and makes herself throw it all up.

"Yuk, did you hear that?" I asked Jess.

"I did that once, actually I do only sometimes now. It helps when I have a major craving for something and I pig right out... I just go into the bathroom and get rid of it all... then I couldn't gain any weight," she boasted.

"Throwing up is so gross though," I stated.

"You could take these pills, they just make you go to the bathroom, you know, like if you were constipated. you could get rid of all the food that way as well."

"Is that okay for your body?" I had to ask, it all sounded too good to be true.

"Those functions of your body are totally natural aren't they?" she asked.

"Yeah, I suppose."

I overheard that girl again talking about eating anything she wanted and never gaining any weight. That can't be good for your body.

"Let's go ladies!" Miss Van Weldan barged into the change room.

"I want you ready on the yellow line in five minutes!" I heard she was tough but she's making me more nervous! My heart is pounding so hard, my legs feel cold and weak. I need to focus, here we go, this is it.

We were all sizing each other up when we were waiting to hear our drill. I recognized Jaycee Patterson and Sara Bartley from Huntington. They're good players. Tracy Mitchell and Laurie Shelling were also trying out. They are as good as me, they are also from Huntington. We exchanged smiles, I met them playing in tournaments last season. I guess it was just me, Jess, and Hannah trying out from Kincora.

"Welcome ladies to the Creston Queens try-outs. We are reigning city champs five years running and we want to keep our title!"

Some of the girls let out a cheer. I assume they've been on the team.

"I see a lot of old faces here and a few new ones. We're going to work you hard for the next two hours..." Miss Van Weldan was explaining the session when another girl came through the change room door hustling across the gym to join us.

"Sorry," she mumbled. I heard some snickers from some of the girls I didn't know. Jaycee and Sara were whispering something to one another and quietly giggling.

"Name please?" Miss Van Weldan said with obvious annoyance.

"Deirdre Duncan," she looked down to the floor, embarrassed with the attention.

"Dork." I heard someone say but I wasn't able to find the face.

"Okay ladies, let's do a quick stretch, we'll run 10 laps and then start those drills. I'd like to introduce Mr. Shaw who is student teaching this session. He'll be assisting me with the try-outs. We want to keep our Creston High glory girls, so let's work hard out here! We'll be walking around taking notes and watching every one of you."

"Hustle hustle, be ready you guys, you don't know where the ball is coming from!" Mr. Shaw was hitting balls to the ground and we were to dive while passing the ball, then run to the net for a set, then block, and run around to the other side of the net to receive another hit... and repeat this drill.

"I'm dying... my legs are killing me... I'm done..." Jessica was so red in the face, perspiration dripping from her forehead, I thought she'd drop.

"I feel like I'm in the army."

"Come on... we're almost done...hang in there buddy..." I tried to offer words of encouragement through each labored breath I took.

"Check out poor Deirdre," I pointed to the corner where Deirdre was slumped over trying to catch her breath. I noticed Joey watching the action through a window in the gym's door. I caught his eye and he gave me a thumb's up. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty strong. The back of my neck was wet with sweat, there was sweat falling from the end of my nose. The older girls from last year's team motivated me to work harder and harder. They were here for one reason only.

The whistle blew.

"Okay ladies, come in please!" Miss Van Weldan hollered.

"Good job out there, you guys worked hard and that was nice to see. We'll have the first cuts posted Monday morning outside my office. Final try-out is Monday after school. Mr. Shaw and I will sit down after practice and decide who plays on this year's team. The new Queens team will be posted Tuesday morning. Any questions?"

"If we don't make the senior team, are we automatically on the junior team?" asked Hannah.

"Not necessarily. We'll have to check out the competition."

"If there are no more questions, we'll see some of you Friday at 3:45 pm."

"I can't wait to hit the shower," said Hannah.

As we entered the change room, Brittany and Chloe practically had their noses pressed up against the mirror applying their lipstick and were giggling about something.

"Hey!" Chloe said surprised with a little uneasiness in her tone, "How were the try-outs?"

"Fine." I responded as cold as ice, you could practically see my breath.

"What's your problem?" Chloe knew me all too well.

"You are Chloe! Did you have a nice lunch?!" My voice was starting to rise involuntarily. I just snapped. I couldn't pretend any longer. I could sense Brittany's ears perk up as she turned and glared my way.

"We were with...oh... I forgot...sorry." She paused almost waiting for my next outburst.

"Apparently you just have more important things on your mind now!" I barked.

"Chill out," snapped Brittany. She apparently felt a need to include herself.

"Excuse me?!" I retorted and threw her an evil look. "Was I talking to you?!" I felt something completely come over me. My face was getting hotter than ever, I felt my body vibrate with anger. My fists were clenched.

"Yeah, go paint your nails you freakin' Barbie doll!" Jess is never one to stand back, especially when her friends are involved. Everyone in the change room started to gather around.

"I'd rather look like a Barbie than Farmer Boy Ken!!!" Brittany obviously doesn't take much either.

"You have totally changed! I don't even know you anymore, and I don't even think I care to!" I yelled at Chloe. I was losing it.

"Lindsey, relax, let's hang out tomorrow or something? you're making a big deal for nothing here." Chloe was trying to calm me down but still look cool in front of Cat Woman.

"You guys better calm down before Miss Van Weldan hears you or you'll easily get cut from the team," Tracy Mitchell said.

"You're right. I have way more important things to worry about," I started to jam my school clothes in my gym bag; I just wanted to get out of there.

"I'll phone you," I heard Chloe call out as I promptly exited the room.

"Whatever." I honestly couldn't care less at this point.

"Lindsey!" I could hear Joey trying to catch up as I stormed out the main doors, throwing my bag over my shoulder and trying to tie my hair back. I stopped and turned toward his voice.

"What's your hurry?" he ran up trying to catch his breath.

"I finally vented on Chloe."

"Wow, you seem pretty upset." He attempted to put his arm around me but I brushed him off.

"Actually I feel much better, but I think I need to be alone right now." I felt pretty serious at this point.

"Okay, I understand. Call me whenever you need to talk." His tender face was full of empathy and concern. He must really care about me.

"By the way, you did awesome on the court tonight," he smiled.

"Thanks Joey...and I will call you," I squeezed his hand to let him know that it was still me beneath the anger.

CHAPTER 6

### Chloe's Surprise Visit

It was just after seven o'clock when I arrived home from volleyball. The house was empty. I remembered mom and dad were taking Aimee and Derek to an early show. That was something we did as a family ever y Friday night. I however, have not joined them in the past couple of years. I'm glad to be alone tonight. I just feel like relaxing in my room.

I don't want to talk to anyone. I put on my favorite playlist of slow songs and threw myself on the bed. I couldn't hold back the tears. They just came flowing out. It's not just Chloe, it's everything! New school, new boyfriend, the tryouts.

I think I'm just overdone. Joey is the perfect boyfriend but almost too perfect. What if he dumps me for someone who isn't so complicated and insecure? He deserves better. I grabbed the corner of my pillow and pulled it in close while turning over to my side. I just sobbed, I felt so sad.

I played good tonight; at least I know I gave it my best. Mom and Dad always say that you have to always give it 100% and if someone else just happens to have 110% that day then that's just the way it is. I've just been so scared and nervous about all these changes in my life, and now seeing what Chloe is doing is really confusing to me. Especially when she and I just used to sit and talk about the future and what high school would be like.

We were supposed to be friends forever. We were going to be each others maid of honor at our weddings someday. I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I usually get like this when things seem to pile up. I started to feel a little better and almost refreshed from crying. I felt my pillow, it was soaked.

I was getting up to blow my nose when I heard the doorbell ring. I looked at the clock. It was a quarter to nine, I wonder if Mom and Dad forgot their key? I quietly went downstairs and peered through the window, it was Chloe. She didn't see me; maybe I could pretend no one was home.

I don't want her to think she got to me enough for me to stay home on a Friday night. It also looks like she isn't doing much tonight either. I felt compelled to open the door; after all it's still the Chloe that I at one time, played dolls with. I slowly turned the knob. I waited for her to speak first.

"Hi," she said, looking for a reaction to read.

"Hey," I said abruptly waiting for an immediate response from her.

"Can I come in?" she appeared to be the Chloe I knew.

"Where's your queen?" I had to throw another jab to the already upset Chloe. Now that I'm on top, I guess I could lay off a bit.

"I told her I needed to talk to you; she's always got stuff to do anyways."

"So if she wasn't busy, you wouldn't be here." I was feeling the gage on my anger thermostat start to go up again.

"No Lindsey! Give me a break, will you? I was coming to talk to you no matter what anyone said, alright!? Can I come in or what?" I knew I had pushed her far enough.

"Yeah, come in."

She followed me to my room where we used to hang out for hours on end.

"I just want to say that I really am sorry about lunch today, I totally forgot..."

I had to cut her off...

"That just means that you totally forgot about me....do you even want to be friends?" I cut to the chase.

"Of course I do!" she sounded annoyed with my question. "you knew how nervous I was about starting high school." I just want to make sure I maintain my popularity, and I knew that making friends with Brittany would definitely help. I knew that it would be devastating if I was on her bad side. That would be the end of my reputation.

"Why do you care?" I was baffled by what I was hearing. This didn't sound like the same Chloe I knew.

"I don't have anything else! I just have my looks, and it's the same for Brittany!" She was getting pretty upset trying to hold back her tears.

"My mom always said that I should act this way or that and I should wear certain clothes. I should always be attractive to the guys or else no one would ever want to marry me!" She covered her face with her hands in an attempt to control her tears.

"But there is so much more to life Chloe, I thought you felt the same way?"

"You have so much more than I do Lindsey, you have a great family, and great boyfriend who actually likes you for who you are and not just how you look standing beside him. you're an awesome athlete and I'm sure that will open many doors for you one day. It's like; this all hit me like a brick the first day of school. I was so scared and insecure, I had to find a safe place."

She tried to catch her breath as she choked on her tears. "In all honesty, I thought I'd lose you first and I couldn't handle that so I needed to somehow find some similarities with maybe another group. I didn't totally intend for this to happen, it just felt like it was the safest thing for me to do. I'm not like you Lindsey, no matter how hard I try!"

"Chloe, we've always been a little different from each other, I thought that's how we could be such good friends?" I was truly amazed with what I was hearing.

"I guess in the back of my mind high school was just so important to my future. you know my mom had me when she was in Grade 12, she dated my "dad" all through high school."

"What does that have to do with our friendship?" I was puzzled.

"You're right and that's what I realized tonight," she smiled. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Wow, I didn't know all this. I guess it makes more sense now. But it doesn't mean that I'm going to be friends with Brittany or even like her for that matter," I said.

Chloe laughed and said, "You are my best friend, not Brittany. But I would love for us to go to her party together tomorrow night. Everyone will be there. Please?" she was practically begging.

"Joey was talking about it; I guess all the guys are going. He was wondering what I wanted to do," I said.

"Well?" Chloe asked anxiously.

"If everyone is going then I guess I shouldn't miss out."

"Awesome, I need a hug!"

We chatted and giggled until just after midnight. We promised to call each other in the morning and go to the mall to find a new outfit for the party.

CHAPTER 7

### Party Time!

"I'm so excited; we're going to have so much fun!" What time is Joey picking us up?" Chloe was talking to me through the mirror as she was checking out her ref lection.

"Around eight thirty. His mom is picking his dad up at the airport at nine so she said she'd drop us off on her way. Isn't that a little short?" I was referring to her new miniskirt. It should be called can't get any minier skirt!

"That's how it's supposed to fit."

"Can you even bend over?" I was half serious.

"I'll try not to drop anything," Chloe laughed.

I threw on my new jeans and a white tank top, thought I'd show off my tan as long as I could until it disappeared into winter. I covered up with my dark brown hoodie.

"Which choker should I wear?" Chloe held up one in each hand.

"The black one has a bit of blue which matches your eyes. Can I borrow the brown one?" I asked.

"Yeah, no problem how's my hair, up or down?" She grabbed chunks and threw them up with some crazy knotting or tying, I'm thinking she learned it from Brittany as she always has some fancy up-do.

"Whatever you do always looks good Chloe," I don't even know why she bothers to ask, she always does whatever she wants.

"I think I'm almost ready, how are you doing?" Chloe asked while applying some final touch-ups to her make-up. She's a pretty girl but really knows it, our entire conversation has been in her mirror, she couldn't dare turn away from that reflection. That's Chloe for ya!

"Aren't you going to wear a jacket?" I asked as she grabbed her purse.

"No, it's warm" She looked at me curious.

"What?"

Chloe was wearing a jet black, very fitted tee shirt, navy blue skirt and big silver hoop earrings with hot pink lip gloss. I looked the opposite with my shoulder length hair tucked behind my ears, gold sleepers in my ears, just a touch of bronze blush to bring out my tan, and a glossy lip balm.

"Just do me a favor and put on your jacket until we get out of the house."

"All right," she said in a huff.

Joey's mom was late so we didn't arrive at the party until around nine. Brittany lives in a huge two-story brick house with big fancy marble pillars at the main entrance.

"Wow," I said as my jaw dropped.

"You have to see the pool out back!" Chloe said full of excitement.

I could hear the sounds of playful yelling and a lot of laughter. Girls were shrieking and being chased around from the backyard into the front yard. I noticed a lot of unfamiliar faces. Obviously a lot of people drove themselves because there were a ton of vehicles parked outside. This could also mean that I have arrived at my first college party. We rang the doorbell, not that we needed to as people were running in and out of the door.

"Chlo!" I heard Brittany shriek from across the room.

"Brit!" shouted Chloe.

They ran towards each other and hugged. How pathetic, I feel like leaving already. Joey sensed my discomfort and reached for my hand.

"I brought my friend Lindsey and her boyfriend Joey."

"Hi guys, glad you could make it!" Brittany said very in- sincerely. She's a great actor, I'll give her that much.

"Joey, Jake and the guys are by the pool around back, why don't you join them?" suggested Brittany.

"Linds, is that okay with you?" Joey asked.

"Sure, I'll meet up with you in a bit," I really wanted to ask him not to leave my side; I don't really feel like I can fully trust Chloe yet while Brittany is around. He kissed the top of my head.

"Ahhh, he's so sweet!" Brittany said in an annoying squeal.

"Thanks," I wasn't certain how to respond to that.

"This way you guys, I want you to meet a few of my friends from Canon College."

College? Now I really want to go home, I'm not ready for a college party. My parents are going to be mad.

As we headed toward the kitchen, Brittany grabbed my arm and pulled me close.

"By the way, I'm sorry about getting into that fight you and Chloe had yesterday at school. I'm so glad you guys made up. I really want us to be friends Lindsey. I don't care much for your friend Jessica though. She's got quite an attitude."

"Jess always looks out for us; she and Chloe are my two best friends," I felt defensive.

"Hey, that's cool! I'm the same way with my girls. I hope we can get to know each other better. Tonight is going to get H.O.T!"

Yeah I can spell. I was tempted to say but I promised Chloe I'd give the Queen a chance.

The music was blaring; I could hardly hear my voice. I felt really out of place. The girls looked a lot older and more mature. The guys were big, like with big muscles and everything.

"Lindsey, do you drink?" asked Brittany's friend Kaitlyn.

"Drink? Well...yeah...like what?" I'm starting to sound dorkish already.

"Anything, there is lots, Long Island ice teas, slimes, margaritas, screwdrivers, Caesars, or beer; you look like a beer girl, hee hee!"

Beer girl? What does that mean?

"I...uh...um...I'll be right back" I hustled off to find where Chloe had snuck off to. I worked my way through the crowd, chatting with a few people along the way. Apparently I've been recognized as the 'ice cream girl' from the beach.

It must have been about an hour when I finally spotted Chloe. She was with a group of college guys; she seemed to know a lot of people.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I interrupted the flirt dance.

"Hey Chloe, who's your friend?" one of the guys holding a beer was checking me out.

"Lindsey! She's been my best friend since Grade 5!" Chloe put her arm around me but I felt more like a crutch as she rested most of her weight on me. I held onto her and continued to walk toward the bathroom.

"Where are we going?!" Chloe asked.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Relax! I've had one beer, big whoop. you obviously haven't had anything yet, you need to lighten up and have some fun! Let's go find your man." Chloe couldn't help but put more lipstick on as the mirror was right in front of her.

"My parents would kill me if they knew I was drinking."

"Your parents aren't here are they? you told them you're staying at my house didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Well then let's go party!"

We pushed through the crowd to get to the patio. I felt the need to protect myself as I was getting bumped around. Chloe had her arms in the air singing and bouncing to the beat of the music.

I saw Joey sitting on a lawn chair laughing at something Jake was yelling out. Jake was obviously drunk as evidenced by the amount of empty bottles in front of him, and the fact that I could hear him from inside the house. He gets pretty obnoxious when he drinks; I've seen him at beach parties.

"Oh oh Joey, here comes the wife! Lindsey, Lindsey, cute little wimzie!" Jake broke into song. Joey was drinking bottled water. Chloe threw herself down on Jake's lap. He was holding his beer with one hand and had the other on her upper thigh. They started kissing so I turned away.

"Do you want to go?" Joey asked sensing my discomfort.

"No. I'm alright. But probably pretty soon okay?" He agreed.

"Hey Chloe! Come inside for a minute, I've got something to show you!" Brittany sang. "Lindsey you come too!"

"This should be good," I mumbled to Joey.

"Come on Linds!" Chloe bounced off Jake and grabbed my hand before I had time to answer.

"We're upstairs in Brit's room!" Kaitlyn shouted down from half way up the stairs. There were about seven girls standing and sitting around on Brittany's bed. They were laughing a lot. Brittany had a big bottle of something that she was pouring into tiny glasses and passing around. Chloe didn't hesitate when offered the next round.

"It's a game called fastest three in five. you have to down three shooters as fast as you can and pass it on. If you puke, you're out, if you can't do all three, you're out or if you can't do all three shots in five seconds then you're out. Come on Lindsey, we promised we would have fun tonight. Don't be such a bore."

"Here." Chloe handed me one of the mini glasses. I had no idea what it was; it just had a lot of different colors in it.

_Here it is – your first big decision to make for Lindsey_ _._

Do you get in on the game? If you do, Brittany would think you're cool and you wouldn't have any worries about losing Chloe. If you don't, Chloe might just get fed up with you for being no fun and want to hang out with Brittany and her friends indefinitely.

_If you choose to get in on the action, continue on to_ Chapter 8A _on the next page._

_If you say no and leave to go find Joey and go home, turn to_ Chapter 8B _on page and continue on..._

Storyline A

CHAPTER 8A

### Drink It Up!

"Just put it up to your lips and toss it back," instructed Chloe.

I did. It was really sweet. Kind of like a syrup but with a stronger bite. My stomach felt instantly heated. I heard the girls chanting my name as I quickly accepted the second shooter from Chloe. This is no problem. I was thinking. She practically threw the third on me in excitement. I tossed it back but not as easily as the first two. I felt a little come back up so I swiftly put my hand over my mouth for fear I would throw up in front of my new friends. They were cheering so loud I was really getting into it. My legs felt really tingly and my head felt fuzzy. I felt a lot more excited about the game and not as shy in front of these older girls. I was cheering on the next girl...

"Kait-lyn! Kait-lyn!" I was shouting louder and louder as the game went on.

"She's out!" I yelled and laughed and laughed. Chloe gave me a big hug.

"This is sooo much fun!"

We played a few more rounds before Chloe decided to lunge my way, causing us both to knock over a small bookshelf as we fell to the ground.

"You guys!!" Brittany started shouting at us, we couldn't stop laughing.

This is the best feeling! I don't have a care in the world! Let's party! I grabbed Chloe around the neck.

"Let's find Joey and Jake," Chloe attempted to say but slurred. It was still funny enough to laugh hysterically.

"Joey who?!" I couldn't stop laughing.

We stumbled down half the staircase still giggling and holding onto each other.

"Ouch, that must have hurt," I heard a voice say but couldn't see any faces. I was looking for the nearest drink to take. Chloe wouldn't let go of me. She practically threw me into a group of football players we met earlier.

"Hey ladies, you appear to be having fun?" one of them said.

I felt a strong hand grab my bottom. I didn't care; I was reaching for his beer bottle to take a swig.

"Try this baby."

I felt a glass push up against my lips, I started choking and coughing up whatever it was he was forcing me to drink. I heard a lot of laughter around me.

"That's gross, ease up Brad, she's pretty drunk," another voice said.

"I am not! Watch this!" I was mad and wanted to show them!

I grabbed a big bottle of some clear alcohol off the counter and put it up to my mouth. I'll show them. It burnt my lips and stung my chin and neck as it spilled down the front of me. My throat was on fire but I wanted them to think I was as tough as I felt. Still the chanting, I couldn't stop, I'm not a wimp. I heard Chloe laughing and screaming at the same time.

"All right Linds!!"

The night went on and on...

The music was blaring; I couldn't make out any of the songs. I'm lying on the bathroom floor. Half of my face is wet and slimy. I felt a cool cloth wipe away some of the slime.

"Drink this."

"J o e y?"

"It's water, you need to drink it," Joey said firmly.

"I'm sorry, so sorry... are you... are you mad at me?" I said between dry heaves into the toilet.

"Let's get out of here; I'm just glad I finally found you."

"Huh? What?" I couldn't understand anything he was saying.

CHAPTER 9A

### My Head Hurts

I could hear the sound of the vacuum. Chloe? Wasn't I staying over at her house? I'm in my own room. How did I get here? It was 1:40 pm. My head was pounding so hard I tried throwing my pillow on top to block out the banging. Ever y move I attempted made the room spin. I finally forced myself to sit up... oh god, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom. I held my stomach and my mouth with each hand.

"Look out." I reached out for the toilet. Aimee was washing her hands at the sink.

"Yuk! You got the flu or something?" asked Aimee.

Yeah, something all right. I thought to myself.

I shuffled back towards my room.

"I thought I heard you," mom said coming up the stairs.

"Lindsey just barfed up a lung." Aimee offered.

"I was a little concerned when Joey brought you home this morning. He told us you guys must have eaten bad hot dogs at the movie theatre last night because Chloe is pretty sick as well."

"Oh yeah." I didn't even remember coming home. I owe Joey.

"How are you feeling?" Mom didn't take her eyes off me.

"I just need sleep."

"We'll talk when you are feeling better," mom shot me an all-knowing look.

Great. I'm in so much trouble. My mom is a nurse, it's not like I could hide these symptoms. I could hear mom and dad in a muffled discussion downstairs. I could vaguely make out Chloe's name and college party. I wonder if they called her or phoned her mom. I wish my mom could just take care of me like she does when I'm honestly sick. I feel like absolute crap. I'm never doing that again! How embarrassing. I hope Joey doesn't want to break up with me. The last thing I remember was dancing with some guy on the coffee table. I slowly shuffled towards my window. I could hear the sounds of children's laughter. I wish I were them right now. I pulled down my blind to hide the sun and the reality of feeling normal.

My phone rang louder than ever. My head started playing the drums again. It was Joey.

"How are you feeling?" He was concerned and I could sense disappointment in his voice.

"I've been much better. I'm so sorry for whatever happened. I honestly don't remember a whole lot. Are you upset with me?"

"I'll admit I'm disappointed in you. You acted pretty different last night," he said.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Did you even know those guys?!" His voice took a different tone.

"What guys?"

"You were playing drinking games; they were pouring beer down your throat! You were dancing with one of them quite a bit. You wouldn't give me the time of day!"

"I don't remem..." He cut me off.

"I know, that's why I wanted to talk to you first. Lindsey, if I wanted an alcoholic, flirty girlfriend, I could easily get one. You were different, like you had intelligence and were more interested in your sports. I don't need this or want it!"

I started feeling sick to my stomach again, I don't know if it was the alcohol or what Joey was telling me.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I could feel my eyes started to sting.

He paused.

"Joey?" I could hardly speak.

"No. I still care about you a lot Lindsey. But not again okay? you embarrassed yourself pretty good."

"Never again," I was so relieved.

"Have you heard from Chloe?" He asked.

"No, why?"

"I guess she left with a car load of college guys."

"I better call her. I'll talk to you later... and thanks Joey, for everything. You're the best."

"Bye Lindsey."

I finally hauled my body out of bed at suppertime. I was starving.

"How are you doing Lindsey?" asked Dad.

"I'm fine; could you pass the potatoes please?" I said, hoping to get the attention off myself.

"I know you and Chloe went to some college party last night. I guess you could say Jessica blew your cover. I ran into her and her mother at the market this morning. She thought we knew." Mom continued on with obvious disappointment in her voice. I would prefer she ground me for a year than this!

"I'm most upset about you lying to us," said Mom.

"I'm sorry."

"If you could have just told me where you were going and who you were going to be with, this could have been a little easier. How am I going to know if you're telling the truth or not?" Her voice was started to get louder but it was obvious she was trying to stay in control.

"I said I was sorry! It'll never happen again!" I looked over at Aimee and Derek who were just staring down at their plates.

"Mom and Dad, I've totally learned my lesson believe me! I'll do whatever you want. Dishes for a year, my room will always be clean; I'll even clean your rooms!" I attempted to lighten up the conversation with a little humor.

"Your father and I have already discussed your punishment." Mom did not change her angry expression for a second.

"This is serious Lindsey," Dad finally piped up.

"You will be confined to your room the next couple of weekends and after school."

I was expecting this.

"Fine."

"You will not be seeing Chloe Drummond anymore."

"What?! you can't decide who my friends are! She's my best friend!" I started to shout. Derek started to whimper.

"I realize you've been best friends for quite some time. She has obviously changed for the worst and I would prefer you did not join her."

"Why do you bother telling me you trust me when you obviously don't!"

"We care about you very much Lindsey and we want what is best for you," Dad said.

"You could have fooled me!" I stormed out the front door slamming the screen behind me. I hopped on my bike and just started pedaling as hard as I could. I was expecting to hear my mom shout after me but it was quiet. All I could hear was my breath getting louder and my heart beating against my chest. I replayed the events of the past 24 hours over and over again in my head.

They are clueless, they have no idea what my life is like. I'm 16; they cannot treat me like a child. I pick my own friends! They can't control me! They can't, they can't... I won't let them. It's MY life!!

I found myself at the top of some hill just outside of the city limits. I must be heading west as it looks like the sun is starting to go down. It must have been a good hour of hard riding. I'm exhausted, I need to stop. I got off my bike, turned it around and walked it slowly back down the hill... towards home.

CHAPTER 10A

### My Head Still Hurts

"Hey party girl," Jake just happened to be the first person I ran into on my way to Miss Van Walden's office.

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically.

"I didn't know you could party like that Linds." Jake started to put his arm around me but I brushed him off and started walking faster ahead.

"If you were my girlfriend, I'd give ya the boot!" shouted Jake.

I turned around and threw him a hard look. What was he talking about? I passed two girls in the hall who started whispering and pointing my way. A group of guys I didn't even know started laughing out loud with each other as soon as I walked passed them. I turned to look back; they were all watching me but quickly turned away so to not let me know they had been eyeing me.

"Lindsey! Thank god." Jessica shoved me into the closest bathroom.

"What is going on?!" I demanded.

"Relax Lindsey, you tell me!" She demanded back.

"People are staring and pointing, Jake said something about him dumping me if I were his girlfriend."

"Rumor has that you and some college guy had your hands all over each other. Apparently you were doing a strip tease in front of the whole party!" Her eyes were practically bulging out of their socket she was so intense.

"Was not! That's a total lie! Where did you hear this from?!"

"Lindsey, EVERYONE is talking about it. It doesn't matter where I heard it first. What's with you anyways? I told you not to go; you know what those parties are all about." Jessica was sounding more and more like my mother.

"I got a big lecture last night from my mom; I don't need one from you! Believe what you want, I'm telling you the truth!" I stormed out of the bathroom throwing my backpack over my shoulder. I didn't even consider the fact that there could have been someone on the other side of the door. I flew into a group of Grade 12 girls. I apologized without hesitation but all I could hear was, "that's her" and then laughter. I wanted to run, run away from all these accusations. I just wanted this to be a normal day and to not be ridiculed for something I have no recollection of doing. I need to find Chloe. I promptly headed toward her locker. Brittany, Kaitlyn and Chloe were talking and exchanging lipsticks.

"Hey sista!" Brittany shouted not caring about the volume of her voice.

"Is it true?" I asked.

"Is what true?" said Chloe.

"That I was stripping at the party?" They all laughed.

"It's not funny you guys." I could feel my blood boil at how uncaring their response was.

"We were all pretty wasted Linds, I think I was dancing right next to you! Don't worry about it; you were probably just pretending to strip or something. you know how rumors start." Brittany was almost reassuring.

"Only jealous people start rumors," Kaitlyn added.

"I don't know about you buddy, but I had a blast, we all did," Chloe said motioning to her new posse.

"There's just so much I don't remember, Joey even said he couldn't find me for awhile?"

Brittany and Chloe exchanged looks that I couldn't quite read.

"We've got to go, second bell is about to ring. We'll meet back here at lunch you guys, you too Lindsey." Brittany smiled while whisking the group down the hall. Chloe waited for me.

"Don't worry okay Lindsey? It doesn't matter what people think, you're the one who always told me that. Brittany thinks you're very cool and she totally wants you to hang out with us."

I stood emotionless, a million thoughts and questions swimming in my brain. It's not like it was my mission to get with their little gang but I guess it feels pretty cool to be popular. I can't let what people think bother me too much, I have friends that I feel close to and that's all that matters now. Jessica is such a spaz anyways.

"By the way, did you make first cut?" Chloe asked.

"Oh yeah! I mean... I don't know... I'll talk to you at lunch!" I hurried off towards Miss V's office, again.

I passed Deirdre Duncan on my way; it looked like she actually had a smile on her face. She must have made it. I have never seen her smile before.

There was a small group huddling in close to one another in order to get a first glance at the white paper taped to Miss V's door. I moved in close, on my tip toes trying to get a peek over some heads. I'm generally at the top, as most lists are in alphabetical order. I can usually find my name quickly. Sara Bartley, Jessica Clooney, Lindsey Connors, Deirdre Duncan...

"Yes!"

In the change room before our final try-out, I was nervous but focused. Jessica wasn't even talking to me but that's okay. I need only have one thing on my mind.

"Hey Lindsey, you have a visitor at the door," Sara informed me as she entered the change room.

"Thanks," I rushed to the door. It was Joey.

"Hi! I haven't seen you all day," I said but with more of a question as to his whereabouts.

"I actually just came for afternoon classes, I was sick this morning. I heard you had a rough day."

"Rumors hurt, what can I say" I shrugged my shoulders like an innocent bystander. I need to stay focused for right now."

"You're right. I just came to wish you good luck and give you this." He handed me his lucky leather wrist tie that I've never seen him take off.

"Joey! You're awesome! Are you sure? I know what this means to you."

"After today, I was hoping to put a smile on your face and give you a good luck charm at the same time." He grinned. I heard Miss V's whistle blow.

"I better run, thank you so much." I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss on his lips; I think I took him by complete surprise.

"Wow, good luck, I'll be watching."

CHAPTER 11A

### Refocus

It went well. I think. I played hard and stayed focused. That was my goal. Everyone did really well. Everyone except for Deirdre. She played a clumsy game, I felt bad for her. She dove for the ball that wasn't even near her. She jumped for a block and practically got her nose caught in the net! All her serves were completely out of control. She even hit the back wall a few times.

Jessica played very well. She seemed determined. I wonder if her performance had a lot to do with her wanting to beat me. I know what she can be like. I just don't have the energy to confront her about this. I have Joey and Chloe, they care about me. Brittany and Kaitlyn were even watching the try-outs cheering me on.

That's what friends are for, I don't need friends who don't believe what I tell them and don't support me. I know that I drank too much alcohol last weekend; I feel that I paid the consequences. There are a lot of events that I can't remember that night, but I do know for sure that I wouldn't take my clothes off in front of a room full of strangers! Joey would have stopped me if I was embarrassing him or myself. I have to quit obsessing about last weekend! If Jessica can't handle our friendship than fine! I'm not going to stress out about it!

That night I had a dream that I came to school drunk and everyone was laughing and pointing at me. They were chanting something that I couldn't understand. Joey was standing by his locker shaking his head with a disgusted look on his face.

When I came up to him, he practically walked right through me, completely ignoring my greeting. I saw Chloe and Brittany at the end of the hallway talking seriously; they motioned for me to come their way. They didn't say any words to me; just lead me down a dark hall that seemed to be part of the school but one I had never been down. At the end of the hall there was the sound of laughter, but more of a cackle, like an assembly of hyenas waiting to scavenge off the next victim.

The horrifying sounds became louder the closer I got to the end of the hall, and with each step closer, the room around me grew darker and darker. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I was grabbed from behind.

"No Lindsey, please!"

"Aimee?"

"Don't let them!"

"SILENCE!" A loud and disturbing voice yells from the opening of the door at the end of the daunting hallway. It sent shivers down my spine. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. My heart was pounding. I turned for Aimee, but she was gone...

"Aimee!" I lunged forward but in reality, I sat up in bed. I realized it was a dream. I leaned over to see my alarm clock; it was 5:53 am. There was no way I was going back to sleep just in case I ended up in that dream again! My sheets felt wet from sweating. My heart was still thumping hard. I heard footsteps coming down towards my room.

"You okay Lindsey? I heard you yell your sister's name. Is Aimee awake?" mom asked.

"No mom, I was only dreaming."

"Well try to get back to sleep; you still have another hour before you need to get up for school."

I rolled over but just watched the clock. The thoughts in my brain were scattering around like ants in an ant hill that just got stepped on. There is no way I'm going back to sleep. What if Jess makes the team and I don't? What if I make it and she doesn't? I just hope I make it. I wonder if Deirdre will make it. I wonder if Miss V will put her on the team because she feels sorry for her. I feel sorry for her. She seems so weird. I guess I could get to know her. I just hope I'm not hanging around Brittany when she is bullying her, I don't like that. I wouldn't dare tell her that though, she'll think I'm a loser. But why would I care? I never really liked Brittany in the first place. But I like her now. Joey will be proud if I make the team. What would Joey think if I don't make it? He's the best. I'm so lucky to have him. I could never have asked for a better boyfriend. So what if he was a total geek when I met him at that volleyball camp so long ago. He definitely would not have been someone who I would have dated back then. I'm glad Brittany and Chloe don't know how much of a dork he used to be. I mean... not that it matters. Why should it matter? I'd be embarrassed. But why should I be? Ah! What time is it? 6:25 am. I might as well shower and get ready...

"Congratulations! You made it!" Joey came running towards me grabbing me around the waist and swinging me around.

"You're kidding?!" I said in astonishment.

"It looks like you, Jessica, and Sara Bartley were the only grade 10's to make it."

"Oh my god!"

"I have to run sweetie but we'll start celebrating at lunch!" He ran off, turning around to give me a thumbs up. Yes! What a relief. I better find Jess.

Walking towards Jessica's locker, I passed Deirdre in the hall. She looked more sad then usual. Her head was low with her eyes fixed on the ground. She was just standing by the fountain looking lost. Maybe she didn't make the volleyball team and is upset. Maybe there is more to it, she looks very tired. Her long wool sweater and jeans down to the ground seem a little odd to be wearing on this hot day. Maybe she is sick? Here comes Chloe and Brittany. I can't wait to tell them the good news!

Here's another decision for you to make for Lindsey.

Do you stop and ask Deirdre if she is okay? You could have a conversation with her just so she knows someone cares.

_If you choose to talk with Deirdre turn to_ Chapter 9B _, and continue on._

_If you would rather catch up with Brittany and Chloe to tell them the good news, continue on to_ Chapter 12A _on the next page._

CHAPTER 12A

### The New Gang

"Hi Guys!" I was so thrilled to spread my exciting news.

"Geez Deirdre, did you just crawl out of your igloo this morning? It's called a T-SHIrT. We wouldn't want you to become any smellier under that big rug of yours!" Brittany smirked. She rolled her eyes and then focused her attention on me.

"You're in a good mood," Brittany said.

"I made it!" I said with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Made what?" asked Chloe while picking at the end of her nail, with obvious disinterest.

"The Queens Volleyball team." I told them with a little less enthusiasm. I guess I just assumed they would have known what I was talking about.

"Right on Linds, I knew you'd make it." Chloe said like she had known the whole time, apparently clueless to the competition I had.

"Ya good for you Lindsey, hey, Justin said I could take his Jeep out at lunch today! We're going cruisin' ladies!" Brittany threw her head back as though the wind was catching her hair.

"Cool!" Chloe finally got some exciting news.

"You in?" Chloe turned my way.

"I'm meeting Joey, he wanted to celebrate."

"Celebrate...?" Brittany asked, searching my face for an answer.

"Making the volleyball team?" I said slowly, totally annoyed with their lack of attention.

"Oh yeah!" Brittany and Chloe both giggled. I'm not sure what was funny, maybe that they should both be on the synchronized stupid team! At least Joey takes an interest in what I do.

Hanging out with Brittany and the gang has its perks. All the popular girls in grade 12 seem to know who I am, some of them even have said hi to me in the hallway between classes. Sometimes in the washroom I've been asked if I like what color lipstick they're wearing and my opinion of what they're wearing. It's like we're all part of this popular girl sub-culture.

Thursday afternoon I overheard some of the girls talking about another big party on the weekend. Apparently Jake's brother, Ryan, has his own place and was inviting some of the high school girls over. Walking home after school I told Chloe and Brittany about what I heard.

"You want to go?" asked Chloe.

"I can't believe no one told me about it first," Brittany responded in an obvious snit.

"I really don't think I should drink again," I said.

"Come on, you were hilarious," Brittany put her arm around me.

"This one will be very cool, Jake's brother is hot. He was always hitting on me whenever I went over there to watch movies with Jake. Did you ever get to meet him Chlo?" asked Brittany.

"Ryan Stein? Chloe took a slow, deep breath as if about to reveal some hidden information that only she knew about.

"Unfortunately he was best friends with my ex-boyfriend, Adam." She blurted in one quick breath.

"How come you never talk about him," asked Brittany

"Who? Ryan?"

"No... Adam." Brittany stated slowly as if talking to a two year old. I watched Chloe as she started fidgeting with her backpack, obviously buying time or trying to come up with something else to talk about.

"He was a jerk. We should go to the mall; I heard there was a huge sale at "Denim Stop." I responded quickly in an attempt to ease the pain of the topic from Chloe.

"Cool," said Brittany, not realizing what just happened.

Chloe gave me a thankful smile as we headed for the mall.

CHAPTER 13A

### One Lucky Girl

The days were flying by, I had to star t packing my heavy warm-up pants, and fleece jacket for the walk home after our games and practices. I could smell the snow getting ready to fall. Jesse and I still aren't friends. We are civil to each other at our games because we have to be. But after the games, we're just like two strangers. I miss being friends with her but I'm not about to make the first move, she's the reason why we're not talking, not me.

We play Tuesday and Thursday nights and practice Monday and Wednesday nights. I'm playing second string setter so I'm getting to be on the court maybe a quarter of our actual playing time. I'm okay with that because our first string of girls is strong. Playoffs begin in another couple of weeks. We're currently ranked second to Fairbrook High.

Joey tries to make most of my games but because he plays for the Kings, we sometimes play on the same nights. We usually go out for a quick bite after our games.

I've been finding it hard to see Joey and spend time with Chloe and Brittany. We all try to hook up on the weekends, a large group goes out to the movies or we still hang down by the pier but it's been getting too cold for that lately.

I am so lucky to have Joey in my life, he is so supportive, always considers my feelings before anyone else's. He's a real star on his Volleyball team, it almost seems like he has his own fan club. I can't get jealous because he never even looks twice at other girls when we're together. He always puts his arm around me or grabs my hand. I especially love the way he pats his chest right above his heart and points to me. He even does it between plays during a game!

It seems like girls come up to me after every game and ask if I'm Joey Cranston's girlfriend. I could never get sick of answering that question! Everyone adores Joey, including my parents.

Even though I've been grounded, my parents still let me spend time with him! He's so polite and well-mannered whenever he comes over. Aimee treats him like a rock star. She turns all red in the face and giggles any time he tries to talk to her. He just loves to tease her.

Derek thinks he's the coolest thing since his three gallon, galactic water gun that shoots water balloons clear across the backyard. Joey actually bought it for him for his birthday. They'd play outside for hours if it wasn't for me wanting some "Joey and Lindsey alone time."

CHAPTER 14A

### What Happened?

As I opened the main doors of the school that morning I heard Principal Ramsey announcing for all t he teachers to meet in his office. I wonder what this is about. Morning announcements aren't for another 10 minutes.

I gathered my morning period books from my locker and hustled to my first class. It was already 15 minutes into class time and Mrs. Brooks, my first period English teacher still hadn't come to class.

"Do you guys know what's going on?" asked Eddie joining our small group at my desk.

"All the teachers looked pretty freaked out for some reason," said Scott.

"Here she comes."

Everyone scurried back to their desks. The room quickly grew silent in anticipation of hearing some news. Mrs. Brooks looked as though her dog had just died. She didn't greet us in her normal chipper style. She always had a big happy smile on her face, but not this morning. She put her books down slowly on her desk. We watched her every move as we waited for an explanation. She slowly looked up to address the class.

"Students, Mr. Ramsey has called for an assembly in the gym this morning."

"What's going on?" Kelly asked.

"Please leave all your belongings at your desk and we'll walk quietly down the hall."

All the students were leaving the classrooms lead by their teachers. There were quiet discussions amongst students questioning what this was all about. We entered the gymnasium and found a seat on the floor. Principal Ramsey stood at a podium in front of the large gathering. There were two other people beside him whom I had never seen before. I don't think they were teachers.

"Students of Creston High, I regret to inform you that we have lost one of our own." I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Deirdre Duncan, a freshman from Huntington Middle School, took her own life early this morning."

There were some gasps, there were some "Who? Who's Deirdre Duncan?"

I felt sick to my stomach. I could not escape the cold chill I felt go up my spine. I looked over at Chloe and Brittany; they both seemed to be looking down at their feet. I noticed Miss Van Weldan in the front of gym dabbing at her eyes with tissue. There were a few teachers with arms around each other trying to console one another.

"A tragedy of this sort is always difficult to understand. How could this have been prevented? How do you feel about this, about Deirdre? I'd like to introduce Wendy Jamison and Trevor Kane from the Suicide Crisis Center."

They went on to discuss suicide, why it happens, some of the warning signs that we should be aware of. All I could think about was how mean people were to Deirdre. It made me sad for her, but did I ever do anything to stop it? No. This could be my fault, I could have prevented this!

"...maybe even some of you feel blame..."

Were they looking at me? I guess I'm not the only one who feels this way.

"...we need to all think about this unforeseen misfortune and be kind to each other, learn to appreciate the uniqueness of one another..."

They talked for a while. We were finally dismissed and told to go directly to our first period classroom where we were going to have small group discussions.

The lunch bell finally rang, instantly giving me a sense of relief. Finally back to our normal routine. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. I wonder how Miss V is feeling? I wonder if she feels responsible for cutting Deirdre from the volleyball team? There is no blame. I guess the suicide crisis team was right, we all feel a little responsible, and we should.

Students had many more questions. The biggest one would have to be how she did it. People had their speculations based on other stories they had heard. Kaitlyn said she heard Deirdre took a handful of pills. Jake said his cousin's step-mom's niece was their neighbor and that she was found in a pool of blood in her bathtub, she had slit her wrists. Who knows and who cares, does it really matter how she did it. All the drama people get so stuck into drives me nuts. My breaking point was finally when I met up with Chloe and Brittany.

"I think she just probably looked in the mirror too long," stated Brittany.

The girls giggled, included Chloe. That was enough for me.

"You've got to be kidding."

"Oh Lindsey, it is totally tragic, I'm just getting tired of all the gloom."

"Well POOR YOU Brittany, I guess there is no reason to be sad anymore, wouldn't want to keep you in a GLOOMY mood!" People were starting to stop in the hall turning their heads toward us.

"Will you shut the hell up, people are starting to stare," Brittany snarled through clenched teeth.

"Did you ever stop and think that maybe you killed her! you were always such a bitch to her! What did she EVER do to YOU Brittany?" I could feel Chloe glaring at me.

"It wasn't just me! You can't blame me!" I could tell by the quiver in her voice that she was about to break down in tears. She turned and ran down the hall. I guess I did push it too far.

"The poor girl is dead and she is still making fun of her," I turned to look at Chloe.

"Maybe she does feel like she should be blamed but she just doesn't know how to deal with the situation," Miss V said, who had obviously been listening.

"It isn't right Miss V," I said.

"No it isn't Lindsey, what I heard her say was pretty mean. But blaming Brittany for Deirdre's suicide is a little harsh. We are all very upset about this. We all need to come together and work through our feelings. We all have a different way of doing this, including Brittany."

We all stood around our lockers listening to Miss Van Weldan. I think her support and encouraging us to talk about our feelings helped us feel better. I'm sure it helped Miss V feel better as well.

For the next few weeks at school, Deirdre's death was the topic of most conversations. We had more suicide prevention speakers come into the classrooms. We even had speakers discuss bullying. We've all been given assignments to complete about suicide and bullying. I ended up calling Brittany and apologizing. She easily accepted my apology and went on to discuss an upcoming party that she was pretty excited about. I guess we really do have our own way of dealing with things...

CHAPTER 15A

### Here Comes Trouble...

"I guess Jake's brother is having a big party this weekend. Jake wants the guys to go." Joey said as we passed through the school doors after practice.

"I heard, Chloe and Brittany are pretty excited," I said.

"Don't you want to go?" Joey asked.

I hesitated. All the feelings following the last party rushed through me.

"Ya I guess I'd like to go; sounds like it'll be a good time. I just don't think my parents will be as excited."

"I guess they were pretty disappointed about Brittany's party."

"To say the least."

"Well maybe you and I could go do something else," Joey offered.

"...unless that's what I tell my parents, and we go to the party!" I exclaimed.

"It's not like you to lie to them Lindsey... I really don't think you should."

"You're probably right, I'd hate the guilt. We could go to a show first, and then stop in later to say hi quickly. I mean, we did go to the show... there's no lying in that, we just met up with friends after for a quick bite." I bargained.

"Whatever you think is right Lindsey," said Joey.

"You sound just like my mom."

"Bye mom!" I shouted towards the kitchen as Scott, Kelly and Joey arrived at the door.

"What's your plan?" she asked as she walked to the front door, wiping her hands on a tea towel.

"Hi guys," she greeted the group with a warm smile.

"Hi Mrs. Connors," they said practically in unison.

Aimee came barreling down the stairs never wanting to miss a glimpse of my friends and especially Joey.

"Hi Princess Aimee," Joey teased while bowing down to her as she stood on the last step.

"Ah! Hee hee!" Not a second later she was back up the stairs, everyone laughed.

"Our plan is an early show and then down to the pier for a bite."

"No later then 11 o'clock Lindsey," Mom gave me the all knowing; remember what happened last time look.

"Okay mom, see you later," I said as I grabbed my hoodie.

"See you Mrs. Connors," called out the group as we headed to the sidewalk.

We walked by Ryan's on the way to the theatre. The music was so loud; you could feel the pounding of the base in your chest.

"Sounds like the party is off to a good start," commented Scott.

"We should just go now, what's the difference? I'll still be home at 11 o'clock."

"I thought we were going to a movie?" Kelly asked.

"She just told her mom that...hello? Anybody home? Scott jokingly started knocking on the side of Kelly's head. She brushed him away a little annoyed.

"We're going to the movie. They'll be plenty of time afterwards to make a brief appearance," Joey stated.

"Everyone will be too drunk by then to even know we were there, besides I promised Brittany and Chloe we'd party together."

"You promised your mom we were going to a movie," Joey was starting to raise his voice. "When did Chloe and Brittany become the center of your universe?!" Joey was mad. Scott and Kelly started slowing down the pace so to not interfere with our first argument.

"Geez Joey, relax, I thought we could all party together and have a good time." I was a little nervous about his sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry; I don't mean to get upset. I honestly don't care for those two girls. you are so much better than them. I hate to see you following along with what they're doing all the time. Look how much trouble you got in last time this happened. you promised you wouldn't drink like that again."

"Don't worry about it sweetie, you will always be the center of my universe." I hoped he didn't notice how I ignored his last statement. I might drink at this party; I had a blast last time, from what I can remember. I just won't drink as much. Being drunk seemed to make me feel more confident and strong about who I am. I mean, all the popular girls were laughing and telling me how fun I was. I'm not hurting anyone...

Chloe and Brittany were starting to look like twin sisters. They were both wearing very low-waist skirts, their matching belly button rings were clearly revealed as were their hot pink thong panties. From the backside you could completely see where that thong started and that it was, no doubt, a thong! The long black boots seemed to start where the skirt ended, just above the knee. Studded black belts hung loosely around their waists. They both had these fancy looking bras with some form of beadwork on the front. The loosely fitted blouses that hung over these "bras" were tied at the waist.

I swear, my mom would lose it if I wore something like that out.

They must have done each other's hair as they both wore the same look with thick strands of long loose curls covering half their faces. I haven't seen Chloe in that much make-up since we dressed up as rock stars for Halloween five years ago. I think they were trying to look older than usual.

Chloe was mixing drinks like a bartender. She was stirring them with her finger, slowing licking off the excess beverage as she continued her flirting. She and Brittany had a gallery of college guys circling them. I recognized some of them from Brittany's party.

"If it isn't the dancing diva!" shouted some guy I didn't recognize. Chloe and Brittany rushed our way when they saw us come in the room.

"I was worried you weren't coming, here try this," Chloe practically lunged her drink at me.

"I'm going to go find Jake," Joey said, obviously needing to remove himself from the scene. He grabbed my hand, leaned towards my ear and whispered, "Please, control yourself, just be you." He headed for the patio door, turned to look my way, tapped his chest and mouthed I love you as he pointed in my direction.

The party was getting pretty fun. Drink after drink, I was feeling more sociable and comfortable. I was meeting so many new people. Jake's brother ryan was so nice. He kept bringing me more of these fancy drinks he was making Chloe and I.

We were playing drinking games and I was laughing so hard my stomach was aching. I could see Joey watching me from his group. I didn't care; I was having so much fun. I don't ever remember getting this much attention before. Some of the older girls looked like they were packing up and going somewhere. I noticed Chloe and Brittany were doing the same.

"Where ya going?" I giggled. It was getting hard to speak clearly!

"To the clubs, Jen and Samantha think we could get in! Come on, get your coat!" Brittany insisted.

"The clubs? We're totally underage."

"Don't worry; I've got tons of fake ID, if you need it." One of the college girls said, I assume it was Samantha or Jennifer.

"You ready baby?" Ryan Stein came from behind Chloe. She turned around and threw her arms around his neck and started kissing pretty heavy! I threw her a look of confusion. Maybe I'm just really drunk. Chloe just giggled as she looked my way. Obviously loving every minute.

"Where's Jake?" I had to ask.

"Jake, Joey, Scott and the rest of the little boys are still out back throwing a Frisbee around in the dark!"

"Come on Lindsey, this is going to be so cool! We're going with Justin and ryan in the jeep!"

"I should probably tell Joey..." I started to say but Brittany grabbed my arm and we started heading out the front door. Brittany and Chloe hopped in the back, stood up grabbing hold of the roll bar and starting cheering at the top of their lungs. All of a sudden, I noticed Joey running down the front pathway towards the jeep.

"Where are you going?!" Joey yelled, trying to be heard over the loud stereo and laughter.

"To the clubs!" Brittany and Chloe said in harmony.

"The clubs? you won't be able to get in," Joey was getting annoyed.

"Yeah we will! Come on Joey, live a little!" I said. I couldn't let him stop all this fun.

"I think we should get going Lindsey, it's almost 11 o'clock." Joey stated in a firm voice. I just had to laugh.

"11 o'clock! You'd think I was 12-years-old... I'm not going anywhere!" I yelled, looking up toward the sky.

"If I could fly, I could go anywhere and no one would have to know or tell me when to be home! Yahoo!!"

Everyone laughed. I grabbed Justin's beer out of his hand and took a long hard drink.

"Lindsey, you've had enough to drink, it's time to go home."

"Look buddy, Lindsey is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. She is deciding to keep partying with us, so if you wouldn't mind getting your hands off my jeep, more beer is waiting for me." Justin sounded so much older and tougher.

"Just cool it okay Joey, this is getting out of hand!" Brittany piped in as she started rubbing Justin's shoulders from the back seat.

"Lindsey, I'll help you down," Joey took hold of my arm. I grabbed it back.

"Leave me alone! Go play with your friends!" I yelled.

"Look Lindsey, I care..."

Look JOHANN, I told you to LEAVE ME ALONE! Get off my back and quit sounding like my mom. you were such a geek when I met you. you'd be a nobody if it wasn't for me! you think you're so cool, if the guys would have met you three years ago, they would have laughed in your face! Pizza face that is! Ha ha! No girls could even stand to look at you let alone date you! Ha ha!"

"Johann? Nice name buddy." Everyone snickered.

"Lindsey, you're being mean." Chloe leaned over to speak directly in my face.

"Whatever! Nobody tells me when to go ANYWHERE! Let's go Justin, what are you waiting for!" He stepped on the gas and we blasted forward. I felt instantly sick to my stomach with the sudden motion. I stood up holding on to the roll bar and screamed at the top of my voice.

CHAPTER 16A

### Is This Elevator  
Going Down?

My head is pounding hard. If I moved, I'd vomit all over this bed. Where am I? I slowly rolled to one side. There are sleeping bodies but I can't make out any faces. I'm still wearing my clothes from the night before. Where am I? Who are they? I'm going to puke...

I threw up all over the side of the bed. I need water... OH MY GOD, WHAT TIME IS IT?!

"WHAT TIME IS IT?!" I shouted for anyone to hear. I heard groans from the bed I was sleeping in. It was Chloe.

"Chloe! Wake up! I've got to get home! I'm in so much trouble, so much trouble, and hurry up! Let's go!" I started to panic because that is exactly what I know my parents are doing. I recognized my surroundings; I was back at ryan's house. I headed for the bathroom.

There were people passed out everywhere I could see. It smelled disgusting, spilled alcohol and food all over the floor and counter tops.

Where's Joey? Did he leave early? I remember being in the Jeep with everyone and Joey too but he didn't come with us when we drove away. I wonder where he is.

I don't remember a lot of things.

There was a knock at the bathroom door.

"Lindsey, are you in there? Chloe asked. "Will you please hurry; I'm going to throw-up." Without hesitation I opened the door just in time. She headed straight for the toilet and let out a few strong heaves.

"Chloe, I've got to get home. Aren't you going to be in trouble?"

"I told my mom I was staying at your house." She grunted between heaves.

"Well I told my mom I was going to a show with Joey and promised to be home at 11 o'clock." Suddenly the phone rang.

"Do we get that?"

"I guess, no one else is moving." I walked to the kitchen to find the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Don't you believe in coming home?" The calm, strict voice was much too familiar.

"Mom?"

"Lindsey, I suggest you find your way home as soon as possible." The phone went dead. I searched for my things, walked out the door, and headed home...

Derek was driving one of his toy cars around the front entrance when I opened the door. When he looked up, he immediately ran from the room. He typically ignores me so this was a little odd. I'm often greeted with Aimee's one-hundred questions but she was nowhere around.

"Lindsey we are in here," I heard my dad's voice coming from the den.

My mom and dad were sitting together on the couch. My mom wouldn't look at me. She looked like she hadn't slept. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun. She had bags under her eyes and was still wearing her robe.

"You had your mother and I very worried last night. We are very disappointed in some of the choices you've been making lately. Whatever happened last night was a very wrong decision."

"Why did you lie to me!" mom couldn't contain her anger any longer.

"How did you..."

"Find out?!" Mom finished. "Joey was gracious and RESPECTFUL enough to come by here at 11 o'clock, but without you of course! He explained that you had joined some other friends and told him that you weren't sure you were going to be home on time. He looked really sad Lindsey; I'm not going to ask what you did to him. He did not tell us you had been drinking but I'm assuming you were, otherwise none of this would have happened."

"But mom..." I attempted to defend myself, I'm not sure why because I really didn't have much of a defense.

"Let your mother finish," Dad said.

"We've tried our best with you Lindsey..." I could tell she was choking back tears. "I thought you learned your lesson last time but I guess not... I'm just so very disappointed in you." She got up and left the room.

"I'm really sorry Dad; I promise this will never happen again!"

"I think it's too late for that Lindsey. You will not be allowed out on weekends or after school for the next two months. You will continue your volleyball because I don't think your team should suffer from lack of players. However, you will come home immediately following your games and practices. I suggest you go on up to your room now." He got up and left, too.

As I watched him leave the room I saw Aimee's head pop out around the corner.

"I HATE YOU! YOU MADE MOMMY CRY! I HATE YOU!" She started to cry herself and ran into the kitchen. I guess the whole family hates me now. I feel so low. I am such an idiot! I better phone Joey and find out what really happened last night. I hope he doesn't hate me, too...

"This is Joey, please leave your name and..."

"Ah!" I'm sick of hearing his voicemail! Where could he be? I've been trying to call him all day! I have been pacing my room for hours and I think I'm going to go crazy up here! I've got to get out of here... Not hearing from Joey is making me wild and I'm getting very worried. I could hear my heart pound through my chest.

Moments from last night keep creeping up.

I remember being on the dance floor with everyone. I remember the beat of the music and the lights. I remember getting grabbed from behind. Some guy had his hands on my bottom and we were dancing pretty close. Another guy came in front of me and was holding me really close as well. I was completely sandwiched between these two guys and I loved every minute of it. We danced on and on. I was getting so much attention. Through the crowd of dancers and the smoke screen, I saw Chloe and Ryan making out in the corner of the dance floor. Justin and Brittany were next to them. I think Justin even had his hand up Brittany's shirt! What a night...

"This is Joey, please leave..."

Oh god, now I remember kissing some guy at the bar. He bought me a shooter. We were passing a wedge of lemon back and forth with our tongues! What if Joey was at the bar and saw me!

"This is Joey..."

I started to call his number over and over again. I couldn't get enough of hearing his voice. I miss him so much; he means the world to me. He would never do anything to hurt me. He's so good-looking, sweet, kind, treats me like a princess.

How could I do this to him? I hate myself! Maybe he's just not home, maybe he's playing ball down at the courts. He would always call to invite me though. Maybe I'm oversensitive, maybe he's a little mad but we could talk it out. I now have way too much time on my hands and definitely too much time to think. Maybe I'm just over analyzing things; I tend to do that when I think too much. The phone rings. Please let it be Joey! I pick it up before the first ring is over.

"Hello!"

"Hey. Why the panic?"

"Hey Chloe, I was hoping you were Joey."

"Sorry. You haven't talked to him yet?"

"I've called him a million times today and I just keep getting his voicemail."

"It's no doubt he's not answering from what you were saying to him and all."

"What?! I don't remember seeing him at the club or anything. Why didn't he come with us? Did I do something wrong?!" I started to panic.

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what? Chloe, what!?"

"When we were in Justin's Jeep ready to go to the club, he came running out of the house after you, trying to stop you from going. you were being totally stubborn and wouldn't get out of the Jeep. He was trying really hard to convince you to stay..."

"I'm such a loser."

"You were so mean to him; you were calling him names and telling him that he was such a loser when you met him. You even made fun of his name, Johann?" I told you to quit it. It so wasn't you Lindsey. I actually felt really bad for him." She said solemnly.

"Quit making me feel worse than I already do Chloe!" I was getting mad.

"Don't take it out on me, you're the idiot!"

"I don't need this from you! Everybody hates me! I'm stuck in my room going absolutely psycho!"

"Sorry, calm down. We're going down to Nohope Park tonight, have a fire, hang out."

"It's Sunday night."

"So? I'll probably skip my morning classes."

"Doesn't your mom care?"

"My mom has a new boyfriend and she's been staying at his place lately."

"Good grief. I'm totally grounded so I won't be going anywhere for a long time."

"You better get a hold of Joey."

"Chloe, I've never felt this low before."

"Well if you can't get a hold of Joey, you should sneak out for awhile and come join us."

"Bye."

Chloe never seems to have a care in the world. We used to have such good talks. She just doesn't seem to care about anything anymore.

"This is Joey..."

I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.

That night I had another freaky dream. I was standing on the edge of a cliff holding Joey's hand. It was a beautiful day; I felt the warm breeze on my face. The sky was an ocean blue. Joey's hand felt strong and safe. Joey never spoke, he didn't have to. I felt at peace, comforted in his secure grasp. But all of the sudden he let go of my hand. I fell down the cliff. I could feel the free fall in my chest. I was having a hard time catching my breath.

I kept falling but my speed was slowing down. It was getting darker and darker. I could hear that frightening cackle of laughter again. I no longer felt safe. I could hear Aimee crying. She didn't plead for my safety this time. She just watched me fall. I saw black figures and I could make out the sound of Brittany's laughter. I wanted to go back where Joey was. Why did he let me go? He didn't push me off the cliff; he just dropped my hand...

CHAPTER 17A

### Can't Get Any Worse...

I was anxious to see Joey at my locker Monday morning. He always waited for me so we could walk to class together. He wasn't there this time. As I was reaching up to get a book off the top shelf in my locker, I felt someone come up beside me. It was Joey.

"Hi!" I threw my arms around him but something felt different. He didn't make any effort to embrace me. It was like hugging a cold statue.

"We need to talk." He said expressionless.

"I tried calling you all weekend!" my heart was beating so fast.

"I know. I'll meet you here at lunch, okay?"

"I'll be here waiting for you." I smiled desperately trying to get some reassurance from him but he showed nothing. He turned and walked down the hall. I could just watch him walk but then he stopped and turned around. What I wouldn't do to see him pat his chest and point at me. Instead he came up to me, reached out for my hand and held my wrist up.

"I'll need this back." He motioned toward his lucky leather wrist tie he gave me.

"What?!" My knees became weak, I could hardly breath.

"It's over Lindsey."

I walked to my classes like a zombie. I don't even remember what I did. I do remember telling Miss Van Weldan that I was too sick for practice and she thought it was a good idea for me to go home. All I could do was cry. I cried on my walk home. I threw myself down on my bed and sobbed. I don't blame him for breaking up with me. I'm a loser who didn't deserve him anyways. This is so painful. My heart just aches for him. I can't help but play some of our songs over and over. I kissed him in his team volleyball photo over and over again. I miss him so much. I'll never find anyone like him again.

CHAPTER 18A

### Trying To Move ON

Two weeks passed. I saw Joey in the hallways on occasion. I pretended not to notice him. I would start laughing with whoever I was walking with just so he couldn't notice how miserable I really was. I've honestly hit bottom.

Staying at home every night is bad enough. Aimee asks me about Joey too much. That sure doesn't help me trying to not think about him. I almost miss having Aimee always coming around and being nosy.

Our playoffs start tomorrow. At least I could try and focus on that. I just lack the interest and enthusiasm. That evening I was more restless than ever. I could only stare at my walls and look at pictures of Joey, I miss him so much! I've got to get out! I'm feeling so angry. I'm angry at my parents for this stupid punishment. I'm angry at Miss Van Weldan for making me practice so hard. Doesn't she care that I'm totally miserable! I'm angry at Joey for breaking up with me! He could have given me a second chance! I've got to call Chloe.

"Hey it's me."

"Hey, I'm just on my way out, what's up?" she sounded like I had interrupted something.

"I'm going stir crazy up in this bedroom that's what's up!"

"You should sneak out tonight. We're getting together again at the park."

"Are you nuts?! I can't risk getting into any more trouble with my parents!"

"How much worse could it get?"

She had a point.

"You know what? Screw them. Screw everyone! I'm not a prisoner. I need a life too!"

"Now you're talking! Come over and pick me up and we'll walk down together."

"I'll be there in 15 minutes." I hung up and finally felt a sense of excitement. I just don't care anymore. I'll just say goodnight to my parents and then I know they won't come up and find me gone. I rushed out my bedroom door.

"Goodnight!" I shouted down from the top of the stairs.

"You are going to bed this early?" I heard mom ask from the den where she was watching TV.

"I'm not feeling so hot, I just feel like going to bed."

"Ok, goodnight Lindsey."

I hustled back to my room to start stuffing pillows under the blankets so it looked like I was sleeping there. I grabbed my bag, and Joey's team hoodie that I wear to bed every night. I slowly lifted my window so to not make any noise. I threw my bag down first and off I flew. It was easier than I thought. I almost felt like I was in a movie!

I ran down the street towards Chloe's. She was waiting on her front step. I heard a lot of laughter coming from inside her house.

"Who's having a party?" I asked.

"Oh, my mom's just drunk again with her new boyfriend."

"Isn't that starting to bother you?"

"To be honest Lindsey, she's a lot more fun when she's drunk. I'm used to it. She's been like this ever since I can remember. Let's start walking."

"Who's the new one?"

"Some married guy, pathetic isn't it. I'm never going to be like her."

It was getting pretty dark outside. We had to veer off the trail where the street lights ended.

"This is a little creepy. But fun in a freaky way," I said.

"Last time Brittany and I were down here, there was a thunder storm. Talk about freaky."

Suddenly the eerie sound of deep, heavy breathing filled our air.

"Did you hear that?" Chloe grabbed my arm.

"AH!" Jake flew out from behind a large tree stump. We both jumped backwards practically falling to the ground.

"Idiot." Chloe stormed past him.

"Where is everyone?" she said annoyed.

"This way my sweet ladies." Jake said in a pitiful imitation of Dracula.

After about 10 minutes of walking through the dark woods, I could see the glow of a fire and hear the sound of male voices. As we got closer, I could see Justin and Brittany curled up in a chair in their own little world. Ryan Stein and a couple of other guys I recognized from the parties were sitting around the fire.

"Grab a stump girls," Ryan motioned towards the pile of wood. We both chose a stump and hauled it back to the fire.

"Lindsey and Chloe, do you remember Brandon and Dylan?" I smiled.

"Drink?" Brandon passed Chloe a large bottle of something. She accepted without hesitation. She passed it on to me and I took a swig. It tasted cold and sweet, not bad, what's a couple of mouthfuls? What's a couple of mouthfuls?

"Did you get any stuff?" Ryan asked Dylan.

"Yeah." He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag half full of dirt, or so it appeared.

"So Chlo, you going to class tomorrow?" asked Brittany.

"We'll just have to see how the night goes..." they both giggled. Ryan moved his seat closer to Chloe's.

"Hey Linds, sorry to hear about you and Joey," said Jake.

"Yeah, well... did he talk to you? How's he doing? What did he say?" I tried to stay cool but I was too curious to know how he was doing with the breakup.

"He seems a little different, not really his hip hop self. It's not like he'll have a problem finding a new chick though."

"Jake! I'm sure that's what Lindsey needs to hear right now." Chloe barked.

"What is your problem Chloe?! You've been such a bitch to me as soon as you hooked up with my brother! You're such a skank!"

"Bite me loser!" Chloe snapped back.

"Jake! Shut up before I smoke you in the head!" Ryan obviously heard enough.

"Why don't you all just chill out... here this is a good start." Brandon passed what looked like a lit cigarette to Ryan. He took a long drag and then seemed to hold his breath. He passed it to Justin who did the same thing. Brittany accepted it and then gave it to Chloe. I assumed it was pot or something. I was anxious to see how Chloe would turn it down. But she didn't.

"Just try it Lindsey, it'll help you relax and not think about Joey so much." Chloe reassured me. I never thought I would do this. I always looked down on guys who did this sort of thing, but Chloe is right. I'll do anything to feel happy again and to forget about Joey. I pinched the burning little rolled up piece of paper between my thumb and first finger. It was hot and really stunk.

"Pretend it's a cigarette and just take a long drag," instructed Chloe.

"You have to hold it in and inhale or it's not going to do anything!" Brittany instructed from across the fire. I did what she told me. It felt like I had lit a torch and shoved it down my throat! I thought you'd see one of my lungs lying at my feet because I was coughing so hard.

"Are you alright Lindsey?" asked Ryan.

"I guess... I need water." I felt a little numb.

The night went on. We passed around the weed and laughed a lot. This is exactly what I needed. I don't have a care in the world... I took off Joey's hoodie and threw it in the fire.

"Good-bye Johann!" We all had a good laugh.

It seemed like in no time I could see the sun coming up. We were still all sitting around now a heap of ashes with a few smoking coals.

"Suppose we should go." The sound of whoever said that made me feel like a six-year-old and my mom was telling it was time to leave the playground. Back to reality and my reality right now was not enjoyable. My legs did not want to leave my seat. I slowly stood and reached for my bag, glanced in the fire as we headed out and all that remained was a scrap of Joey's #8 that was once plastered on the back of his hoodie.

I made it back into my room without a glitch. I have an early practice at 7 o'clock this morning. Miss Van Weldan was very adamant about the importance of this practice as we are now in the semi-finals. It's a quarter after five. I'll sleep for a half hour, which should be good enough to get me through the day...

CHAPTER 19A

### Rock Bottom

"Lindsey? It's a quarter to nine; don't you have class at 9 o'clock? Lindsey? A re you feeling okay? " Mom's voice sounds so real in this dream.

"Lindsey!" Now my body was being shaken but I still couldn't move a single muscle. I felt as though I had been filled with concrete.

"Lindsey, wake up!"

"Huh? I just want to sleep forever, leave me alone..."

"You have to get up and go to school."

I felt like a zombie walking towards the shower. The cool water that bounced off my skin gave me shivers yet felt refreshing. I think I was starting to wake up. I felt a wave of panic come across me. I missed practice. I washed my hair as quickly as I could, jumped out of the shower, threw a towel around me and started frantically searching for something to wear. What am I doing? Practice was two hours ago. Miss V is going to be pretty mad. I'm going back to bed. I don't need the grief...

Thankfully my mom left for work while I was in the shower. No one knew I had slept all morning. I remember looking at the clock. It was 12:20 pm. I should probably get up and try to make it to my afternoon classes.

Walking up the steps toward the front door of the school, I caught a glimpse of some guy who looked a lot like Joey. He was standing under a tree and was surrounded by a few girls. They were laughing, he was laughing.

It was Joey. I think he saw me too but I can't be certain. I hope he didn't see me. I feel so tired. I had to put on extra make-up to hide how tired I really was. I hustled up the steps to avoid any contact.

I was heading towards my locker when I heard my name being called.

"Lindsey!" It was Miss V.

"Could I please see you in my office." It was clearly a statement rather than a question.

"I actually need to get to class right away," I said tentatively, trying to feel out her mood.

"Now! Lindsey."

I followed her down the hall. She didn't attempt to make chit chat nor did she wait for me to walk with her. She opened the door to her office and motioned for me to take a seat. Not once did she smile.

"You missed a very important practice this morning."

"I know, I'm sorry, I wasn't feeling well and..."

"Lindsey, I don't think I need to hear any excuses. What is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" I felt defensive.

"When I offered you a position on this team back in September, you had heart. It was easy to tell that you loved the sport because with every game and every practice, you gave it your all. You played hard and that spirit reflected onto some of the other girls on the team. Lately, you have been late for games, and practices. You seem distracted. I hate to do this but with playoffs coming up, I don't feel I have a choice. You're off the team Lindsey."

You're off the team Lindsey. You're off the team Lindsey. You're off the team Lindsey. You're off the team Lindsey. You're off the team Lindsey...

I don't remember leaving her office. Nor do I remember the sound of screeching tires as I walked across the street...

CHAPTER 20A

### Killing Time

"Wake up!" hollered the driver.

I just kept walking. I didn't care about a whole lot of nothing at this point in my life.

"Listen young lady, I was pretty close to running you right over!" shouted the man.

"All right! Thanks, you want a medal or something!" I don't remember the last time I spoke to a stranger like this but oh well..."

"You kids these days don't give a damn about anything!" He sped off.

"You got that right," I said to myself.

I'm so pissed off right now I wish that guy had run me over. Where the hell am I going now anyways? Maybe I'll just sit at the mall until Chloe and Brittany get out of class.

Sitting at the mall wasn't such a great idea. I sat at a table in the food court, drank a soda and watched people. Everyone looked so happy and bubbly.

It made me sick. It seemed like there were a lot of young lovey dovey couples. That also made me sick.

Screw them; they probably haven't experienced the wild side of life like I have. They're too chicken and uncool. I'm the cool one now, exactly where I want to be. I folded my arms on the table so I could rest my head.

Within seconds I was walking down a dark hallway. It was familiar to me; I know I have been here before. At the end of the hallway I saw the mall. I guess I'm not dreaming. I accidentally dropped my soda, when I bent down to pick it up; I was shocked to discover my hand looked a hundred years old. It was so wrinkled; my nails were long, chipped and yellow. The skin on my hand was almost grey in color.

What the? I looked down at my feet to see old scuffedup granny boots. One didn't have any laces and one didn't have a heel. I've got to get out of here!

Where's the bathroom? I hustled as fast as I could, but my body limped and could hardly walk fast, let alone run. What is happening to me!

I finally found the bathroom and rushed up to the mirror. The reflection staring back at me was hideous. There stood an old decrepit woman, missing every second yellow tooth. Grey frizzy hair stuffed loosely under an old dirty hat. My face looked red; the skin on my nose was peeling away. I had sores that oozed pus all over my face!

I heard some toilets flush and two attractive women came up to the sinks. They stared and one rolled her eyes at me.

"You shouldn't be coming in the mall you know. Do I have to call mall security?" Was she talking to me?

"You need to go back in your alley and use whatever bathroom or I mean hole, you people use." They both seemed quite disgusted with me and quickly vacated the area.

"Lindsey, is that you?"

"Yes it really is me!" I sat up abruptly and stared right at Chloe and Brittany.

"Be cool, were you sleeping or something?" asked Chloe.

"Yeah, I guess I was," I said.

"I was pretty tired too this morning, I slept until 2:00 pm and just went to my last class. What are you doing here by yourself anyways?" asked Brittany.

"I got kicked off the volleyball team."

"Are you serious? Why?" asked Chloe.

"Late for practices, I don't have heart," I said mimicking Miss V.

"Well that sure sucks," said Brittany. She never remembers that I actually play volleyball. Oh well, I guess I don't.

"We are so going to party this Friday night. Justin and Ryan want to have us over."

"Great. You guys go with your boyfriends, don't worry about me," I mumbled.

"You need to party the most girlfriend! Justin and Ryan have lots of hot friends, you are definitely coming," insisted Brittany.

"I just can't wait until this week is over, I've got two midterms and two huge papers due," said Chloe. "I'll be totally ready to party."

CHAPTER 21A

### When In Doubt, Party!

Chloe was right, this week sucked. I sat in ever y class, stared at the clock and dodged eye contact with the teachers. I spent most of my class time erasing or scraping Joey's name off all my books and binders. Thank god he's not in any of my classes. It's hard enough sitting near his friends and hearing his name being brought up in practically every story. Rumor has it that he's been seeing someone from Chaparral High. Whatever, it's not like I care anymore; well maybe just a little bit.

I wrote a mid-term for my Health Science class. I was doing pretty good in that class so I wasn't too worried about it. That was until the end of the class when we all marked the exam together. I ended up with a 47%. I went into the exam with an 82%. I also flunked math but that's not surprising, I hate math. I always got 80s in Phys. Ed but because I skipped so many classes last month, I ended up with a 63%. That really brings my overall average down.

I blame Joey and now I blame Miss Van Weldan. I hate them both.

Going to my locker after school was pretty tough. I could hear the Queens get ready for practice. The sound of the smack of a ball, the laughing and kidding around, I can't deny missing it.

It has been difficult going out when you're grounded. I have managed to let my parents think I'm at volleyball games or practices this week. Lucky for me, I guess.

Friday night is the city championship. I have a huge problem; my whole family wants to go! It got a little uncomfortable at the dinner table.

"Is the team ready for Friday night's game?" asked Dad.

"Yeah, pretty much." Don't know... don't care.

"How does the seating work, do we have to buy tickets?"

"Um... yes, you have to buy tickets. But... they've all sold out and there is no more seats at all," I said in one breath. That was easier than I thought.

"Oh no, we were all really looking forward to coming to watch the big game," mom was disappointed. I felt kind of guilty.

"How was school today Aimee?" I asked. When stuck in a corner, change the subject.

"Huh? Good I guess," Aimee looked at me like I've just lost my mind. I've never really asked her or really cared how school went for her.

"How is Joey's team doing this year?" asked mom. Apparently I was not getting off this topic easy.

"Fine... I guess... look, enough questions!" I pushed my chair back and threw my napkin on my untouched plate of food. "I'm full." I headed upstairs toward my room. I overheard Aimee asking what my problem was. If she only knew, if THEY only knew.

Friday night could not come soon enough. Finally! The best part is that I could escape early, telling my parents that we had to meet at 5:00 pm to warm up for the game. A part of me feels a little sad about tonight. It's pretty cool that we, I mean they, made it to the city final. I really would like to be part of this important game. Joey would have been so proud.

No doubt he would have come watched and blew me his "I love you" kiss... he was the best... ah! Stop it! I am going to have a lot of fun tonight. I'll find a new boyfriend easily. It's not like I ever have a problem meeting the college guys at these parties. Screw Joey. He's just a big loser.

We got ready to go out over at Chloe's house. Her mom was having a party and let us each have our own drink! It was pretty cool, I felt like a real grown up.

"Hey guys, meet my Uncle Jim," Chloe giggled.

"Hello ladies, or should I say divas of the night!" Uncle Jim looked like he stepped right off of the GQ cover, but back in 1985! He totally sent creepy vibes down my back. He was wearing a white T-shirt under a pale blue colored blazer. His hair looked totally wet with all the gel in it. He had more jewelry around his neck than my mother has in her jewelry box! His breath already reeked of alcohol. He almost spilled his drink on Chloe as he threw his arm around her. He was so touchy-feely with Chloe. She didn't seem to mind.

"Uncle?" I had to question. We've been best friends for so long I thought I knew most of her family.

"Well not biological, but an uncle to me." With that she wrapped her arms around his big beer belly.

I joined Brittany back at the mirror. I already felt a little dizzy from my first couple of sips of my drink but painless and definitely ready to party!

"Here's to tonight!" Brittany and I tapped our glasses and let out a cheer.

"Justin and Ryan are picking us up at seven o'clock, so that's in about a half an hour. By that time, we should be feeling pretty fine!" Brittany giggled.

We listened to music, did our hair and make-up and tried on each other's clothes. I had a strange feeling about tonight. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

By the time the boys arrived we were all feeling pretty drunk. We dove into the back of the jeep giggling as our skirts practically flew up over our heads.

"Wow, you ladies sure got a head start on partying tonight," commented Justin.

"Hey Chloe, you'll never believe who I ran into at a gas station yesterday," said ryan.

"Who?"

"Our old buddy Adam Foster."

"Your buddy, NOT mine!"

"Is someone still a little bitter?"

"Whatever."

"He told me he was single again and looking, I was thinking we should hook him up with Lindsey."

"Are you crazy? I wouldn't wish that loser on my worst enemy," Chloe argued.

"Thanks anyways Ryan but I'm much too familiar with that guy," I said.

"Would someone tell me about this Adam guy?!" Brittany insisted.

"Later," Chloe and I said in unison.

"What's the plan tonight anyways?" I asked.

"Well we thought we'd grab some beer and cruise down by the pier," Justin replied.

"When it gets darker we're heading down to the old warehouse."

"Old warehouse?" Chloe asked.

"Isn't that where they have those college rave parties?"

"Yeah baby!" Brittany shouted and threw her arms around Justin from behind. "Party all night!"

"Are you going to be able to stay out all night?" Chloe asked.

"I told my mom I was staying over at Jessica's because we were going out after my so-called game."

We sat on the pier laughed and drank until it started getting dark. I ended up pretending to be a cheerleader mocking the Queen's volleyball team.

"Q.U.E.E.N.S. let's go!" I sang out and did the splits in the air and landed on my back, everyone laughed.

"I hope you lose!" I shouted towards the sky.

"Oh yeah, Kaitlyn called my cell when I was in the washroom, she wanted to know where she and Nikki could meet us tonight. I told her the pier, is there room in the jeep? I told her yes."

"Take a breath girl and get to the point," said Justin.

"Oh yeah, anyways, she was telling me that her brother was going out with his girlfriend Laurie and the rest of the team tonight to celebrate. I forgot to tell you Lindsey, they won the city championship."

"Oh," I muttered. "Grab me another beer."

"One more for the road baby."

We jumped in the jeep and squealed off down the street. With the music blaring it was hard to concentrate on anything else but I was able to spot them walking down the street together. "Them" being the volleyball team all dressed in their warm-up outfits looking like a friggin' parade. I grabbed a hold of the roll bar and hoisted myself up. I nudged Justin to show him the group and told him to stop. He came to a screeching halt inches away, scaring them half to death.

"What the....!!!!" shrieked Jessica and a few others.

"Hey guys, congrats!" I faked being happy for them.

"Lindsey, is that you?" asked Jessica.

"Oh, has it been that long Jess?" I snarled sarcastically.

"You look different with your clown face make-up and scanky clothes!" The team laughed. I couldn't expect anything less coming from the big mouth herself.

"We're heading out to a college party. Did you guys enjoy your soda and Kool-Aid party? Ah, how cute, my little sister would have fit right in."

"Get a life Lindsey," said Sara Bartley.

"Get a life Lindsey," I mocked. I have a life, a pretty cool one. You guys are the ones who need a life!"

"Yeah, you're right Lindsey! Drugs and alcohol are cool, I so wish I was you!" snapped Jessica. "Let's go you guys; I'm tired of wasting my time with this moron."

"Bitch!" I lunged forward in an attempt to grab Jessica but instead I slipped off the side of the jeep and fell on my head.

"Cool one you drunk," snapped Jessica.

I tried to get up but I just ended up falling backwards against the jeep. Ryan jumped out to help me back in.

"Jessica, why do you have to be so mean!" shouted Chloe.

"She started it! By the way Lindsey, your mother phoned my mom and asked if they were fortunate enough to get "tickets" to the game. You know your parents are cool, it's too bad you have to lie to them."

"It's none of your business."

"Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you're in major trouble."

"Thanks for telling them!" I was fuming mad.

"THEY CAME TO THE GAME LINDSEY!"

I was speechless. I can't deal with this one. That's one thing Jessica is right about, I am in major trouble.

"What are you waiting for, let's go Justin!" I snapped.

We sped off leaving the group in a cloud of dust.

CHAPTER 22A

### Rave

If I was ever to want to find this place again, it would be impossible. Justin took us on back roads that I never knew existed. We finally got on an old beat up rocky road that had a big Dead End sign posted on one side. It really didn't look like there was anything down this road until we reached a clearing and I could see the cars and lights.

As we got closer to the huge garage door entrance I could feel the bass of the music in my chest. Justin pulled up between two cars. Through very foggy windows I noticed a couple making out inside one of the cars.

"Looks like they're busy in deep conversation," laughed Ryan.

"So did Uncle Jim come through for us Chloe?" asked Brittany.

"Uncle Jim never lets his little princess down," she replied.

Chloe pulled out a clear plastic bag half full of little white pills.

I had no idea what they were for but I didn't dare admit it.

"Uncle Jim made me promise that we didn't mention where we got these, all right you guys? Not even my mom," Chloe said.

"I've only done these once before, it was such a cool feeling. I just remember dancing all night and feeling like a movie star," said Brittany.

"Lindsey, are you in?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah, I guess, have you ever had them?"

"No, but everyone's doing them."

"I will if you do," I said to Chloe.

"We're all in. you guys will not be disappointed," said Brittany.

"On the count of 3, here we go, 3...2...1..."

Down it went. Whatever it was. The last time I did a countdown from three was getting ready to run onto the court.

I remember looking at a clock. It was 9:47 pm. It seemed like that was ten minutes ago.

Dance. The music. The love. I have no more worries. I can't stop dancing, feeling the beat, the rhythm, the guys, the girls, the love. Whatever was in that pill I took, I would do it again and again and again. Brittany, Chloe, Kaitlyn, Nikki, Justin, Ryan and I danced all night long. We couldn't get off the dance floor. Sometimes I went off and danced with whoever turned my way, it didn't matter, I loved them all. This was the best place to be in the world, I never want to leave. Dance. The music. The love. Feel the beat, the rhythm...

It is now 4:12 a.m. We are piling into Justin's jeep. For some reason I don't feel the same. I am cold, I can't stop shivering, and I feel sick to my stomach. We have a silent trip back to Chloe's.

There were people sleeping on the couch and floor when we walked into Chloe's house. I turned down the blaring TV that no one was watching.

"This place stinks; does your mom always party all night?" Brittany asked.

"Pretty much," Chloe replied hopping over some guy passed out on the floor.

"There probably isn't anyone in the basement if you guys want to crash there. you'll find sleeping bags and foamies down there as well," said Chloe.

"Everything looks blurry to me. I wonder if I need glasses," said Brittany as we exited downstairs.

"I know, I'm still totally sweating but I'm freezing at the same time."

"This part sucks."

"Do you mean it's normal?" I asked.

"Every time you do it. Don't you think it's worth it though?" Brittany asked.

"I guess."

We slept until about two in the afternoon. I would have slept all day had it not been all the heavy walkers upstairs. I guess all the old partiers are awake. Brittany and I gathered our things and headed upstairs. Chloe was awake sitting on the couch curled up in a blanket like a little kid.

"Are you still pretty hung-over?" I sat down next to her. She didn't respond. She just kept her eyes fixed on the ground.

"Come on girlfriend, where's our breakfast?" Brittany joked.

Chloe slowly turned her face our way. She was as white as a ghost. She seemed like she was in shock or something.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Don't worry, today will be the worst, just sleep it off, take a couple of Aspirins and don't forget to drink plenty of water..." Brittany went on and on but I knew something was wrong.

"You guys should go," Chloe whispered, not moving from her frozen gaze.

"I'll call you later," I said. No response from Chloe. I knew she meant what she said.

CHAPTER 23A

### Huh?

I definitely did not expect what happened when I walked in the door.

"Hi Lindsey! I've been dying to find out how the game went last night? Did you win? I can't stand the suspense."

It seemed as though mom was standing right at the door when I walked in. Now this is confusing. I was prepared to be in supreme trouble. I thought Jessica said they came to the game.

Maybe Jessica was lying to me just to ruin my night. It's pretty obvious that we're not friends anymore. We were fighting at the time. But maybe my mother is putting me to the test right now. This is a tough one but I do need to respond quickly.

"Well?"

"I... uh... well, we... hum..."

If I confess right now maybe she'll lighten my punishment. But if she really doesn't know the truth what harm is it if I told her we won. I mean, they did win, that's no lie.

"The Queens are city champions!" I exclaimed.

"That's great! Richard, did you hear that? They won!"

Dad walked into the front foyer looking up from his reading glasses and carrying a newspaper. He didn't seem as excited as mom. I'm still a little worried; I don't think I'm off the hook yet. My dad has never been a great actor but then he never seems to get excited about anything anyways. I wish I could just snap my fingers like a genie and go back into my bottle.

"I need to go shower! Talk to you later."

"Wait a minute," instructed dad.

Oh great.

"How did you play?" he asked.

This is it, no getting off this one. What to say, what to say, what to say.

"I... huh... they... I mean we, well... the Queens played very well. First string hit the ball hard and the other team's defense had no time to react.

"Who did you play against anyways?"

Oh man I should know this. When I was kicked off the team, we were tied in the standings with Fairbrook but Chaparral was close to second.

"Fairbrook," I guessed. I'm about to sink or swim.

"No, it was the Chaparral Sharks. You won the first two games without any problem. The Sharks won the 3rd game by 7 points. They creamed you the fourth game by 19. You managed to win the fifth and final game by two points. It was very exciting to watch. Jessica got the winning point. You're correct when you said the Queens played very well." With that, I watched my father turn his back to me and walk back to the den. My blood turned ice cold as it traveled through my veins.

"We spoke to Miss Van Weldan after the game; she was very surprised that you hadn't told us you were let go from the team. I'm not sure why you didn't feel a need or desire to let us know," mom said sternly.

"I know, I was just so upset and I..."

"I'm not interested anymore. We are at our wits end with you. We're not sure where to go from here. I'm not interested in where you have been spending your time when we thought you were playing volleyball, even though Jessica and Joey were able to fill in some of our blanks. I could only assume you were out with Chloe last night. It's a shame you and Joey broke up, it's none of our business though. I'm sure you both had your reasons."

I could only hang my head.

"We have removed all your phone privileges which is something we should have done awhile ago. you will be confined to your room until we decide how long. As for your failing grades, your only activity for the next few months will be homework!"

"How do you know about my grades?"

"I was contacted by two of your teachers last week who were wondering if there were some problems at home. They both said you were a very bright student in the fall but your marks have been declining. They also said you haven't been showing up for classes as much. What's going on with you, are you doing drugs?"

"No, how could you accuse me of such a thing?"

"I know Chloe is and you guys have been hanging around a different crowd lately. Jessica said it was a group that likes to drink alcohol and do drugs."

"Jessica doesn't know anything, she's not even my friend anymore so don't bother believing what she tells you!"

"I think she's a smart girl Lindsey."

"So you are saying I'm stupid?"

"I never said that, I'm just worried about the choices you are making."

"Don't worry about the choices I make! I'm a big girl now mom, I can handle myself just fine!"

"Can you Lindsey? All grown up at 16 hey! you just know it all don't you! Do you want what happened to Chloe to happen to you?"

"What... get pregnant?"

"Maybe."

"We promised Chloe that we would never ever talk about that again! That was two summers ago, why do you still bring it up!"

"I just want you to remember what a difficult time that was for her. Giving her baby up for adoption was not easy."

"Oh of course I remember! She's my best friend but I'm not having sex! I wish you'd believe me once and for all!"

"Gee Lindsey; you haven't had much of a clean record for telling the truth lately!"

"Quit yelling!" Aimee flew herself in the room. "I wish you didn't even live here Lindsey! All you do is fight with mom and dad and make them mad all the time!"

"Well, I can make your wish come true! I'm out of here!"

"Lindsey Marie if you leave this house you are not permitted back again!" Mom shouted.

"Good!" I slammed the front door so hard that I heard something break. I stormed back to Chloe's.

I rang the doorbell but nobody answered.

I couldn't hear anything on the inside. I peered through the front window and could see Chloe still sitting in the same spot on the couch with her blanket wrapped around her. "The door was open so I let myself in," I said.

She just sat and stared at the television. I went into the kitchen and helped myself to a glass of water. There didn't appear to be anyone else home.

"Is Brittany still here?" I asked.

Still no reply.

"I got kicked out."

"Out of your house?" She finally spoke.

"Yup."

"I never thought I'd see the day." She finally turned and looked at me. "You have a great family Lindsey, you should be very grateful!"

"Why are you yelling at me? I've had enough yelling for one day thank you!"

"You are so lucky to have the family you have, I would give anything to have parents like yours! I'd take even one good parent!"

"Do you want to tell me what happened last night?"

"Doesn't matter. Let's go somewhere. I hate it here."

She grabbed her coat and we were out the door.

"My mom is still passed out in her bedroom; she doesn't even know I came home last night. I definitely will not be missed."

We walked and talked about how our lives sucked. We couldn't have felt sorrier for one another. We were a good team that way.

We talked about how when one of us got our driver's license, we would drive around the world and work only long enough to get enough money to keep traveling. We started talking about our childhood and how we used to dream about being princesses and living in a castle together. Our princes would wait on us hand and foot. We would have our hair done in the morning and our nails painted in the afternoon. We would wear a different dress for every meal.

It was sure fun to dream. You can make anything happen in your dreams...

CHAPTER 24A

### Dreams Do Come True

We ended up at Ryan's. He's the only one we knew who had his own place and who wouldn't care what we did. He was smoking a joint and watching a movie in the dark when we arrived. We joined in.

"Last night was pretty cool hey?"

"Yeah, I still don't know what the name of that pill was," I said.

"Ecstasy. We need to get some more," he said as he took a long drag off his joint.

"Can your Uncle what's his name get some?"

"No, and he's not my uncle!"

Ryan and I looked at each other confused.

"Easy... I'll phone Justin."

I got pretty high that afternoon. I needed it. We also had a few beers. Justin, Brittany, Kaitlyn, Nikki and a few other guys came over and drank with us. We smoked pot and drank, drank and smoked more pot.

I slept the entire next day on the couch with Chloe. I threw up all night after finishing off a full plate of nachos and two big bags of chips. Smoking pot sure gives you the munchies. I didn't go to school Monday or Tuesday. Wednesday morning I finally went in but I was so hungover from the night before that I left early. I'm flunking my classes anyways, what's the point?

I've called home three times in the last month to let them know I'm okay. I miss home but I would never admit it.

At Ryan's we drink a lot and hang out. We've gone to every rave party in the last few weeks. I've been seeing a guy named Brian. He's 24 and works at one of the bars. He's been supplying us with Ecstasy for our weekend highs. He's a real party guy. That's all I need right now. I've lost weight. I've wanted to lose weight for so long and now that I have, it's kind of scary. I stared at myself in the mirror one afternoon after getting out of ryan's shower. I looked gross. My body has lost practically all its muscle tone that I was once so proud of. My face has wrinkles and I have bags under my eyes. I look like I've suddenly aged ten years. My teeth and nails are starting to turn yellow. Ever since we've been really getting into this Ecstasy thing, I can't quit. I feel nauseated during the days and I shake all the time, I even fainted at the mall one night. I thought it was because I don't eat much anymore but it seems to be a constant.

"Is it Friday yet?" asked Chloe as she was stirring her macaroni and cheese. It has been our staple meal for the last month.

"Thursday. Brian is coming over tonight with a full bag."

"We should just go nuts tonight, I need it, I've felt gross all week."

We did. We went nuts. A lot of people and a lot of dope and pills...

"Huh?"

"I just need to check your vital signs."

I slowly opened my eyes to see a woman dressed in white. She was wrapping something around my arm and made it really tight. She then stuck something into my ear.

"What? Where am I?"

"Canon General Hospital."

"Hospital?"

"You were brought in by ambulance late last night; you had an overdose."

"Huh?" I was having a difficult time computing anything.

"Your mom and dad just went for something to eat. They've been here all morning."

I noticed there was a needle stuck in my hand hooked onto a long tube. I guess it's an IV. I feel horrible and very very tired. I turned over slowly. I feel as though I have died. I should have died.

I could barely make out the figure that was walking through the door. It was headed straight for me. It had almost a glow around it. I was absorbing a comforting feeling. For some reason I felt safe, a feeling I hadn't sensed in some time.

"Lindsey, I love you, I always have and I always will," said Joey.

"Joey?"

"Yes it's me. I've missed you so much. Please be my girlfriend again Lindsey. We need to be together and stay that way forever." His hand felt warm and loving as he touched mine.

"Yes Joey! Let's get back together, I love you so much," I cried...

"Lindsey?"

"Yes Joey, we must be together!"

"Lindsey, are you awake?"

"Huh?"

"I just saw your mom and dad in the cafeteria; they've asked me to come see you."

"Weren't we just talking about getting back together?"

"What?"

I must have been dreaming. I'm so embarrassed.

"Nothing." Reality hurts so much.

"You're in here because of an overdose on drugs?"

"So I've been told," I said snidely.

"You've really changed."

"Look Mr. Perfect, I don't need you coming in here and lecturing me."

"I'm not lecturing you; I think you're beyond that."

"Whatever. Why did you come here anyways?"

"Your parents are worried about you and they asked me to come and talk with you."

"I don't want your pity Joey. Look, I have a wonderful boyfriend who really cares about me."

"Where is he now?"

I said nothing. I have no idea where he is.

"Look Lindsey, you can hide the tough girl act. I know who you are; you are the girl that I fell in love with three years ago at a volleyball camp. My dreams came true when I found her again last summer. She was everything I ever wanted in a girlfriend: smart, funny, athletic, fun to be with, caring and loving toward her family."

"Whoever you're talking about, sounds like a geek."

"Well she was a princess to me."

I turned my head to face the window; I didn't want him to see the tears start to flood my eyes.

"Just go," I couldn't handle him being near me any longer.

"You've taken quite a different journey with your life right now. I don't know if I would agree with the choices you have made, but it's done now and I think you can only learn from them.

"I told you to go!" I turned and glared at him, suddenly revealing how upset I had become.

He stood up from the chair and just looked at me. He looked so strong and healthy. I would give anything for him to just tap his chest and tell me he loved me. Instead he turned around, and walked to the door. He paused and turned my way before reaching for the handle.

"You'll make it Lindsey," he smiled. "You'll make it."

Epilogue A

Looking back I now realize how some of the choices I made at such a vulnerable time in my life had dramatically changed my future.

I am 28 years old and trying to get ready for my 10-year Canon High School reunion. I still haven't decided if I'm going. What do I tell people? I kept rehearsing in the mirror, "...so after my third drug overdose, I figured enough was enough, and I admitted myself into rehab..."

The summer after three months of rehab was busy. Chloe and I ended up renting a basement suite together. To pay the bills we both had to work more than we wanted. I worked at a fast food restaurant while Chloe worked at a bar her mom's boyfriend owned. He hired her even though she was underage. I think it was just because she was so pretty she could bring in more business.

I ended up taking summer school in order to graduate. So much for beach volleyball or beach anything. Our most favorite hang-out in the summertime and we never went down to the pier once that summer.

I did eventually get my high school diploma after two years of summer school, but I didn't attend any graduation ceremonies.

Chloe never even graduated. She met some guy at the bar she worked at and got married when she was 19. She got pregnant right away, I think that's why they got married but I never asked. She divorced four years later. Her mom got re-married and moved to the coast. Chloe joined her after her divorce. Last I heard they were all living together.

I moved back home after Chloe got married. Aimee was just starting college. We don't get along. I think she doesn't like me for all the trouble I put mom and dad through.

I held odd jobs around the city but hadn't really decided what I wanted to do. I moved out again when I was 23. I moved in with my boyfriend at the time but that didn't last. He drank and smoked pot too much. I was getting really sick of that scene. I found a good roommate named Barb. She and I worked at a restaurant together and we've been roommates ever since.

I have recently been accepted into our local community college. I'm just starting a general program; I hope to get into teaching, maybe one day I'll coach volleyball. I'm one of the oldest students in my program. It seems like everyone else is right out of high school. Oh well, I guess you could say I made it. It took a lot longer and quite a different route but I think I made it.

I'll never forget his words... my first love... he told me I'd make it...

Storyline B

CHAPTER 8B

### Home Time

"No thanks." I handed the glass back to Chloe.

"Lindsey, come on you'll like it." She looked at me with such a glare that I thought her face could actually stay as contorted as it had become.

"I'm going."

"What's your friend's problem?" I overheard as I left the room.

I need to find Joey and get out of here, these guys were in college, and I'm just not into this sort of thing. I started down the stairs.

"Lindsey wait up!" Chloe shouted from behind.

"What is it? I'm leaving alright, you stay and hang out with your new friends. you've got a real quality group there."

"You know Lindsey, we talked about being part of the cool and popular girls at school. Now we are, and you're going to ruin it!"

"If it means I have to do things I don't want to then it's worth ruining! I have plenty of time to party and do whatever when I hit college. We are only 16. It's illegal for us to drink! Just because Brittany and her friends think this is the cool way to go, I don't. I'll find something else to make me feel good about who I am!"

"Hey guys it's a cat fight!" I heard some guy cheering from the main floor.

"Cat fight, cat fight, cat fight...." The chanting began. A small crowd started to form at the bottom of the stairs.

"I am so mad at you Lindsey Connors; I don't care if we're ever friends again!" Oh the drama, Chloe is just where she wants to be, the center of attention with a bunch of guys watching her every move. She had a small smile after she spoke and looked down the stairs toward her audience. I turned to check out the scene and turned back.

"You are pathetic Chloe. You just LOVE this attention, get a life," I turned and stormed down the stairs.

"YOU'RE the one who needs to get a life, loser!"

"Whatever." I didn't turn back.

Joey was at the bottom looking up at me. He reached out for my hand and we went to grab our coats. He didn't say a word.

Joey and I walked home hand in hand. I talked about Chloe and her changes, how our childhood used to be, her family, how my mom always shook her head when we talked about Chloe's mom. How Chloe doesn't know her father and seems to crave the attention of men no matter where she is and no matter who is giving the attention. Joey just listened.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm just blabbering on and on."

"You're upset, you need to talk and get things off your chest."

"Actually I do feel a lot better."

He stopped walking. He turned my arm so I was facing him. He held up his strong warm hands and held my face.

"Your cheeks are cold."

I could just smile as I looked into his dark eyes. Those deep eyes took me to such a peaceful place, a place that warmed my whole body. His lips slowly met mine. I thought I would collapse from the weakness I felt. I closed my eyes so I could concentrate on each warm and tender kiss. My feelings just took over; we were getting more and more passionate, I needed to get closer and closer. I couldn't deny my emotions. He slowly pulled back.

"That was nice," whispered Joey.

I smiled and looked away, a little embarrassed by my aggressive display of passion.

We took our time getting home. It was such a perfect night. We talked on and on about everything. Joey volunteers at the hospital on the weekends. He told me about some of his patients. By the sound of his voice as he talked about the different patients he helped, his genuine compassion for them was clear. As he spoke and began to tell his stories, I fell in love deeper and deeper. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met.

"Maybe you can visit the hospital with me sometime?"

"I'd love to." I'd also love to marry you, I thought to myself.

We finally reached my house and slowly said our goodbyes.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Joey said as he tapped his chest and mouthed the words I love you and pointed at me. I smiled and waved goodbye.

CHAPTER 9B

### Behind the Mask

"Congratulations! You made it!" Joey came running towards me grabbing me around the waist and swinging me around.

"You're kidding?!" I said in astonishment.

"It looks like you and Jessica were the only Grade 10s to make it."

"Oh my god!"

"I have to run sweetie but we'll start celebrating at lunch!" He ran off turning around to give me a thumbs up. Yes! What a relief. I better find Jess.

Walking towards Jessica's locker, I passed Deirdre in the hall. She looked more sad then usual. Her head was low with her eyes fixed on the ground. She was just standing by the fountain looking lost. Maybe she didn't make the volleyball team and is upset. Maybe there is more to it, she looks very tired. Her long wool sweater and jeans down to the ground seem a little odd to be wearing on this hot day. Maybe she is sick?

"You okay?" I spoke softly to Deirdre.

She didn't respond, her eyes were still fixed on the ground.

"Deirdre?" She slowly looked up at me with a distant blank look.

"Are you okay?" She just stared at me like she was waiting for some practical joke or sarcastic comment.

"Why are you asking?" She finally spoke but her voice was so weak. It sounded as though she had to put a lot of effort into each word.

"You seem upset."

Deirdre just stared at me. Her eyes revealed so much pain. It seemed like she really wanted to say more but appeared uncertain and hesitant. Her eyes started to form a glass cover and a tear slowly rolled down her left cheek. I reached out in an attempt to console her but she clutched her books and hurried down the hall almost bumping into Chloe and Brittany.

"Excuse me!" Brittany snarled rolling her eyes.

"What are you talking to the dork for?"

"She seemed pretty upset."

"...and so...?" Brittany apparently figured she required an explanation.

"Hey I made the team!" I quickly changed the topic.

"What team?"

"The Queen's Volleyball team."

"Good for you," Chloe said blowing on her nail that she had just filed. I doubt she's still mad at me from Brittany's party.

"Jake's brother Ryan is having a big college party this weekend!" interrupted Brittany grabbing hold of Chloe's hand, "I can't believe I haven't told you already!"

"Cool!" They started jumping around with excitement.

"I'm sure you can come, too, Lindsey," Chloe said.

"No thanks."

"Come on Lindsey, it'll be a blast," urged Chloe.

"Just like the last one I'm sure."

"Don't force her if she doesn't want to, Lindsey's not much of a party girl," Brittany said as though I wasn't standing right in front of her.

Brittany is such a bitch!

"You guys go and have fun, I'll talk to you later Chloe."

If Brittany dropped off the face of the earth, I'd be a happier person. Maybe I could arrange for such a thing...

CHAPTER 10B

### Visit to Canon General

I used to come to Canon General Hospital to visit my mom when she got off work. She used to let me hold the babies in the nursery. I'd love to watch the nurses give the babies their first baths. Sometimes they would let me help put on their tiny diapers. I would sit in the rocking chairs and cuddle the little bundles, I'd love to smell them and watch the cute little expressions on their faces.

I remember telling my mom how badly I wanted my own little baby to hold and cuddle. She said babies are a lot more work then just holding and cuddling.

"Is your mom working today?" asked Joey as we walked through the sliding doors at the hospital's main entrance.

"She doesn't work weekends," I replied.

Joey seemed so excited to have me join him today. He has been volunteering on the Palliative Care Unit since he was 12. Palliative Care is where people wait to die. That's what I remember my mom telling me when she was showing me the different areas in the hospital. I thought it was a really scary place. I never wanted to go near it. She told me it was a very special and peaceful place, and that the nurses and doctors were amazing.

I remember when my Grandpa Connors died. He was pretty old though... I think he died because he was just too old. He was actually living in a home where a lot of old people died. Joey told me that a lot of the patients he helps look after have cancer.

He explained to me that his unit was a quiet and comforting place to be. Family is always welcome. The patient's rooms are very homey looking, not like actual hospital rooms. He goes and sits with patients and just listens to them talk about whatever they feel like talking about. He tells me that the most important thing that his patients talk about is how much they love their family and that they would do anything to be able to watch their children grow up.

"That's so sad; don't you get sad when you talk to them?" I would ask Joey.

"Lindsey you must remember that they have already accepted their destiny. They would all just like to tell their stories and that's what I'm there for. I have learned so much from each of these patients. I have learned to live life to its fullest each and every day. None of us really know our true destiny in life, or the destiny of any of the people we love."

"Wow Joey, that's deep." His words and tone of voice sounded like they were coming from a much older man.

"One thing for sure Lindsey is that there is a lot more to life than the little problems that face us day to day."

He really makes a lot of sense. Does it really matter if I don't fit in with the Chloe and Brittany crew? How is that going to affect me when I'm all grown up?

"This way." He grabbed my hand as we left the elevator. I can't wait for you to meet Mr. Tommies." He was so excited; he practically dragged me by my arm.

Joey has been talking about Mr. Tommies for months. He is 63 years old and was diagnosed with liver cancer about four months ago. He's been in and out of the hospital because the cancer had spread so fast. Mr. Tommies has two grown children and four grandchildren. He used to volunteer as a clown at the children's hospital. Joey has also told me about Candace Stevens, I guess she is only 19 years old.

She used to be a model somewhere in Europe before she got sick. I guess her cancer started in her arm and it went undetected for so long that it spread into all her bones. I can't believe she is just a few years older than me.

Walking down the corridor I felt nervous and a little sick to my stomach. It seems pretty stupid but I just couldn't help it. I guess I just am not sure what to say to these people, they are not going to be around next year or even in the next few months. It just seems so scary.

"Here we are," Joey said with a big smile.

We walked into a very colorful private room. My eyes were darting every which way to try and take it all in. He had every different color of balloon in all the corners of his room. He had posters of clowns plastered all over the walls. His IV even had ribbon and streamers hanging off it. In a regular looking hospital bed lay a man with no hair, he had sunken cheeks; his cheek bones stuck out like wires were implanted in his face. When he looked up from his book and saw Joey, his blue eyes lit up like a switch had been turned on. He had the biggest toothless grin I had ever seen. I just couldn't help but give him a big grin back.

"Well if it isn't my buddy Joe!"

"Hi Mr. Tommies," Joey greeted his friend with a hug, "How are you feeling today?"

"Just fine and dandy as usual." I wonder if this man has ever had a bad day in his whole life.

"You must be Lindsey," his big blue eyes turned my way.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Tommies," I reached out my hand.

"Come here, I feel like I've known you a long time missy. I'd love to give the girl who keeps a big smile on my Joe's face, a great big hug!"

I couldn't escape the warmth that was coming over my face. All the nervousness and uneasiness I had felt earlier instantly disappeared when I accepted his embrace. I felt as though I had known him forever.

"I finally got Lindsey to come up here and meet everyone," Joey said.

"Well Lindsey, it's great to meet you, this character talks about you all the time."

"I'm really glad I came," I said with another red face. "Joey tells me a lot about you, too, Mr. Tommies, I love your room."

"Thank you, my wonderful family did this for me, this room needed all the help it could stand!" He laughed.

"What was it like to be a clown for so many years?" I asked.

"Putting a smile on precious little faces is worth everything to me, especially the children who were so sick in the children's hospital. They made it all worthwhile." He took a long pause and looked down. I thought he was becoming saddened by what he was telling me but it looked as though he had to take a moment to gather some energy. He seemed weak despite the liveliness in his voice when he spoke.

"Would you like to rest awhile Mr. Tommies? We'll come back after you rest, I promise." Joey held onto Mr. Tommies' hand as he spoke. A true sign of his deep feelings for his older friend.

"You know me well Joe," he closed his eyes and rested his head on his pillow.

I looked at Joey for direction as to what we should do next. He motioned toward the door. We left the room quietly.

"Does he always get so tired? I asked Joey.

"Yes, he gets so excited when he gets visitors that he uses up all his energy. He doesn't realize that he doesn't have the energy he once did. He needs a lot of rest during the day. I've noticed he needs it more and more lately."

"Is he going to die soon Joey?" I asked before I even thought about what I said.

Joey looked down.

"I don't know Lindsey, I just don't know," Joey said sadly.

I squeezed his hand and we walked on down the hallway.

It seems like everyone knew Joey. Anyone who had a uniform on said hi to him. There were patients being walked down the hall with the assistance of nurses or it looked like other family members. People were entering rooms with bundles of flowers and gifts. People were coming out of rooms with smiles on their faces or tears in their eyes. I wasn't afraid anymore.

As we walked past each doorway, I took a quick glance in each of the rooms. They all had their own unique stories. As we walked past one room, I noticed a girl about my age sitting at the side of a bed. She was holding the hand of a sleeping patient. I was curious so I stopped and watched a little longer. I heard the girl quietly weeping as she kissed the hand she gently embraced. The patient looked like an old woman; she had very little hair except for a few pieces in different spots on her head. She was breathing very slow and heavy. It appeared that every breath she took required effort, just like Mr. Tommies, but she appeared weaker. She looked so skinny, like those people in Africa who don't get enough food. Her eyes were sunken into her ghostly white face.

I looked at Joey, who I thought would be ready for us to move on, but he just watched me. He looked at me as though this was someone who he wanted me to meet but strangely he didn't take the initiative to walk into the room and introduce me. It's almost like he wanted me to see for myself. I thought I was being quiet but suddenly the young girl turned and looked right at me. I was stunned, too stunned to say a word. Deirdre just stared at me; her tired eyes were red and puffy. I quickly turned to look at Joey. He knew, he knew all along. I turned back, I hope my astonishment wasn't too obvious.

"Hi," I heard my voice say.

"Hello," Deirdre responded quietly.

The woman awoke slowly and turned her head towards us.

"Hi Joe," she said softly with a gentle smile. Her tender and kind voice reminded me of my mother's.

This woman sounded a lot younger than she looked.

"How are you feeling today, Mrs. Duncan?"

"Not... so... good," she had to take a long breath between each word.

"Did they increase your morphine?" Joey asked.

"Yes," she whispered.

She must be Deirdre's mother. I always wondered why I never saw her with Deirdre. I felt very uncomfortable all of the sudden; I wish I had never stopped to look in this room. I felt as though I was imposing.

"We should go," I quietly said to Joey.

"Honey, why don't you join your friends while I rest for awhile," Mrs. Duncan said slowly.

Deirdre offered no reply to her mother's request.

"Lindsey and I were just going to grab a drink down in the lounge. We'd love for you to join us Deirdre," Joey said with a smile.

Deirdre was very hesitant to accept his offer.

"Go ahead sweetie, I'll be fine."

Deirdre slowly gave her mother a kiss on her forehead and followed us out the door.

Joey put his arm around Deirdre as we started down the hallway. She lowered her head into her hands and collected tears that streamed down her face.

CHAPTER 11B

### Deirdre Duncan

We sat and talked with Deirdre for close to three hours. In that time, I learned more about Deirdre and life than I had in the last 16 years.

Deirdre has had a pretty difficult life. Her parents divorced soon after her little sister was born. Deirdre was nine-years-old at that time. Deirdre and her sister Megan lived with their mom up until their mom's breast cancer took over. When Deirdre was 14, she and her sister went to live with their alcoholic father and his mother. I guess there were no other relatives that could care for them.

She went on to tell us how she doesn't dare call her father's mother a grandmother. I guess she is very mean and has been abusive towards Deirdre and Megan. Deirdre said once she was spanking Megan so hard that Deirdre had to hit her back.

She said that "the wicked witch" then grabbed and began hitting her so hard that she had bruises up and down both arms. That's why she has to wear long-sleeved shirts and sweaters to school, because the bruises never seem to get enough time to heal before she gets more.

I asked her why her father never helps her. She said he is always drunk in the basement watching TV. He lives off his mother and she doesn't seem to mind because she has company in the day and someone to drink with.

Despite her hardships and obstacles in her life, Deirdre spoke with such strength and maturity.

I asked her about how she felt when Brittany and her friends bothered her. She said it really hurt her but because of her love for her sister and mom; she couldn't let it get to her and get her down. She had to keep her strength and put on a smile for Megan and when she went to visit her mom. She said that her mother taught her to forgive and to see the girls that made fun of her as girls that were hurting inside. That these kinds of girls hurt others because they were so self-conscious about who they were that they had to lash out and make fun of others.

I could have sat and listened to Deirdre for hours. She truly amazed me. I felt so comfortable in her presence. I was so pleased that she felt comfortable sharing her personal story with us. Joey and I both shared personal stories with Deirdre, too. She was a very nice person, I would never have known. It just took some time and a little bit of chance to sit down and learn about her.

"I better get back to my mom," said Deirdre.

"You know, it would be cool if you came out and played some volleyball with us on the weekends," I said.

She seemed a little uncomfortable with my suggestion. "Don't worry, Brittany and Chloe don't play. Can you just imagine?" Deirdre and Joey both laughed as I pretended to be Brittany, fixing my hair and putting lipstick on before hitting an imaginary ball.

"I'll call you next Saturday, okay?"

"Sounds good." Deirdre really had a pretty smile. It's sad that she wasn't able to show it more.

When I returned home that evening, I gave my mom the biggest hug.

"Gee Linds, that was sure nice," mom was surprised.

"I love you mom," I said.

"I love you too Lindsey," she said as she kissed the end of my nose.

I talked to Aimee about her day. She was excited to show me a new computer program she got. She seemed a little curious about me spending time with her, but she enjoyed it, I did too. I played trucks with Derek for awhile. We made a big crash-up derby. I talked with my dad for awhile, asking him questions about the soccer game he was watching on television.

I went to bed that night feeling like a different person. Today I realized the important things in life.

So what if I'm not skinny. So what if I'm not popular like Chloe and Brittany. I feel sorry for them; all they care about are superficial things. They may not ever realize how truly wonderful life can be or how short it may be. They may not ever feel so much love and warmth in their hearts.

I had the most peaceful sleep that night. All thanks to Deirdre Duncan.

CHAPTER 12B

### Game On

Creston Queens vs. Chaparral sharks  
City Final!  
7:00 tonight!  
Creston Main Gym  
Come out and Cheer on your Queens!

"Here we go ladies, this is it!" Miss V announced as she walked into the change room. "you've worked hard all season, now is your time to really show the city who's who in women's high school volleyball!" We all let out a big cheer.

"How are your butterflies?" I asked Jesse.

"I have never been so nervous before a game." Sara Bartley added.

"Me too," I said.

We formed the line-up for our pre-game jog around the court. Looking around the room I could feel the anticipation, there was big energy in the air. We stayed quiet and focused, waiting for the start of our introduction theme song... "Get on your feet Creston High and welcome in the reigning city champions, our Creston Queens'!"

"Let's do this!"

I took a few deep breaths, slapped Jessica's hand and headed out to the crowd. The gym was packed. What a reception! I tried checking the crowd for familiar faces. The Sharks were already sitting on their bench, they looked nervous, I felt great. I took a quick glance around the crowd while taking off my warm-up suit. Joey was sitting with mom, dad, Derek and Aimee. In the back row of the bleachers I noticed Deirdre with a younger girl who actually looked like her. She must be Megan. I smiled and waved. She waved back and gave me the thumb's up. I wish she would have made the team.

"Tracy, Laurie, Sara, Jaycee, Lindsey and Jessica. We won the toss, let's get out there and prove to everyone who deserves to keep the title!" Miss V was hyped.

We got an early lead with a round of hard spike serves by Laurie. Some great set-ups and strong offense presented us with a victory of the first set 25-3. The second set played out much the same as the first. We were definitely in a groove. We felt good, we felt strong. Unfortunately we may have got a little over confident come the 3rd set. The Sharks looked mad and determined. We did a lot of volleying back and forth, exchanging services. Our play was consistent but they played hard. They took the 3rd set 25-18.

"Okay ladies, this match is not over, they've showed us what they've got and it was obviously better than what you guys had in that last set! Let's work on those set-ups and hit hard. Defense, get back into position a little sooner because they are getting the ball back faster and harder. Now get out there... 3.. 2.. 1.. Queens!" We broke out of our huddle and got into position. We played very well but they crawled out from under some rock and creamed us 25-6. Time to refocus.

I sat on the bench for the first half of the last set. It started out too close again. No team taking an early lead. They wanted this title as bad as we did. Bump, set, spike, returned, bump, set, spike, returned, it was like watching a tennis match.

"Time!" shouted Miss V, "I'm subbing #8 for #16. She motioned for me to get up and be ready.

"Lindsey, we need your hits, you can get through their blocks, let's go!"

The score is 13-12 for us. The first team to 15 with a two-point advantage takes the championship. I can't let my team down. I took the ball for service, bounced it a few times to get ready to serve it hard.

The serve is up, low and hit the net.

Their serve; they could take it all the way from here. They only need three points.

Their serve is good but looked long.

"Leave it, it's out!"

But it was in. Point Sharks. The score is tied at 13.

Another hard serve flew at us, Sara dove for the return but the ball went clearly out of bounds.

"Keep it together you guys!" Let's go!"

Almost an instant reply for next serve but this time Sara returned it beautifully, much to their surprise. We got our serve back. Let's go Jaycee. Her serves are consistent and rarely returned.

Smack!

Yes! Good job Jaycee! She's always able to scout our their weakest player and smack the ball right at them! 13-14.

This is it. Serve hard right to Sara again. She dove. Perfect bump. Jess grabbed the set, nice and smooth, it was perfect and it was all mine.

"Augh!" I hit it hard and watched it go right through their back line landing sweetly on the inside of the court. Game.

"Yahoo" The team erupted and flew off the bench. This was THE best feeling ever. I was on top of the world. Nothing can beat this high!

"My girls, my girls!" Miss V joined our huge group hug as we jumped around.

I could hear our theme song just blaring; Joey ran down from the stands and hoisted me high.

"Great playing! I'm so proud of you!" I waved at mom and dad who had their arms up high clapping. I was speechless; I wanted everyone to share in this glory. I motioned for Deirdre and Megan to come down. I met them with a huge hug. Life couldn't be better.

CHAPTER 13B

### Celebration Time

We all went for pizza to celebrate the Queens 6th straight Cit y Championship victor y! Jessica, Sara and I were celebrating for the f irst time and what a feeling that was! Ever yone came to the restaurant, moms, dads, grandparents, sisters, brothers ; I even convinced Deirdre and Megan to come.

"I'd like to make a toast," Miss V stood up at her seat and raised her glass. "I have been so fortunate to have worked with such a dedicated group of young women. you girls worked so hard at every practice, you played 110% at every game this season. I could not be prouder to be your coach and to be celebrating this sweet victory with you here tonight. I'd like to also make a special side-toast to Jessica Clooney, Sara Bartley and our last big hitter of the night, Lindsey Connors!

"You girls were the young newcomers but you never once let that stand in your way. Here's to this year's Canon High School Women's City Champs, The Creston High Queens!" We all rose our glasses high and let out a cheer that I'm sure the whole restaurant heard.

We stayed and celebrated pretty late, Aimee and Megan were having lots of fun with their new friendship but poor Derek was ready for bed.

"We're going to head home now Lindsey," mom said.

"Do you guys want a ride?" asked Dad.

"I think we'll walk Mr. Connors. Thanks anyways," Joey was quick with an answer.

"We sure are proud of you Lindsey," mom gave me a big hug.

"You know it!" Dad grabbed me next with the strongest hug I've ever received from him.

"Thanks you guys, and thanks for coming tonight."

I noticed Deirdre getting up and calling for Megan to get her jacket on.

"Thanks for inviting us here tonight Lindsey. It looks like Megan and Aimee are getting along pretty good," Deirdre said.

"Yeah, you'll have to bring her over to our place." Deirdre gave me an unexpected hug.

"Thanks for everything Lindsey, I truly mean that." Tears were forming in her eyes.

"I'm glad we're friends."

"There is something that I've been meaning to tell you," Deirdre said.

"What's that?" She looked very serious and motioned me over to a quiet corner.

"Do you remember that day when I was standing in the hall and Brittany was making fun of me for wearing a long-sleeved sweater? That morning, my grandma-witch had hit me and said that she wished my mom would hurry up and die so I could be around more often to earn my keep."

"I'm so sorry Deirdre."

"It wasn't the first time she had said that but that was certainly the last time I wanted to hear it. I felt like killing her. Instead, I thought the easiest way to escape all the misery, was to take my own life. I felt like nobody cared about the pain I was suffering. I came to school and was harassed by people who had no idea who I was, nor did they even care to find out." Deirdre spoke from the heart; she had so much pain inside. I could only listen with all my attention.

"When I got to school that morning, I saw that I didn't make the volleyball team."

"You were going to hurt yourself because of that?" I had to interrupt.

"No, of course not, but when I went to look at the posting, some guy that I had never met, looked me right in the eye and told me to crawl back under the rock I came out from."

"Who was he?!" I said between clenched teeth.

"But Lindsey, that's just it, it really doesn't matter; my feelings were based on such a combination of things. Everyone says mean things like that to me all the time." She seemed so calm and mature at this point.

"Do you remember when you came up to me and asked if I was okay?"

"Yes..."

"Nobody except for my mother has ever asked me if I was okay and really meant it."

"I did mean it Deirdre."

"I know, I could tell." She smiled.

"That's all I needed to hear, with all due respect, it could have been anyone who said it. But that's all I needed to hear," she repeated it again and again, "that's all I needed to hear."

"You mean you were going to kill yourself?"

"Yes, I had it all planned out, I was on my way home when you came up and spoke to me. I was going to get in the witch's truck, turn on the ignition and sit in the garage until I feel asleep...forever."

I grabbed onto Deirdre and gave her the biggest hug. I had no words at this point.

"You saved my life," said Deirdre with a tear in her eye.

Those were the words that I would hear over and over again in my head. I had no idea the massive impact my tiny effort made...I was truly touched.

Soon after all the parents and other family members headed out, the team and those of us who had boyfriends, all decided to walk home together.

It was a perfect night, with a slight cool breeze but nothing could make us cold. We were still on our major high, singing songs and belting out our team cheers.

"Now it's your turn Joey!" Jess turned around to yell back at Joey and I who were keeping our own pace.

"Don't you worry Queeny, the Kings are going to kick major ass!" The guys let out their cheer. Most of the boyfriends played for the Kings.

I have a permanent grin. After winning this huge victory, it seems as though I have gained some perspective of my life. I've got the best boyfriend, an amazing supportive family, great friends, and Deirdre's words, I will never forget.

From a distance, I could hear the pounding of a car stereo. It sounded as though it was getting closer and closer. I looked behind us and saw a jeep screeching around a corner packed full of people. Some were just holding onto the roll bar, laughing and screaming, shouting to whatever music was blaring. They pulled up next to us at quite a speed, slammed on the brakes and almost sent half the load flying over the hood. I recognized the jeep to be Justin Matthews.' Brittany and Chloe and some of the other girls were hanging off the roll bar.

"Hey Lindsey! Jump in the yeep!"

"Yeep!?" they broke out into hysterical laughter.

Chloe and Brittany were obviously very drunk. I looked at Justin to see if he was drinking. I noticed a bottle between his legs.

"Are you guys idiots or something? What if the cops find you?"

"J-jusins-fas-as-l-lightenin!" Chloe spat and stuttered.

Justin sped off not caring if we finished our conversation or not. He went so fast some of their drinks went flying out of the Jeep, smashing into tiny pieces of glass as they hit the pavement. He cranked up the music and was swerving all over the road.

"Someone is going to get hurt," Joey said.

"No doubt," I said feeling suddenly sick to my stomach. We walked and walked. We ended up down at the pier and played a few games of blind volleyball! I say blind because it's pretty hard to return a pass when you can't see in the dark until the ball almost hits your face! It was really fun though.

We were still high from our win that Jessica suggested we play against the guys. It was pretty even but trying to return or even block Joey's hits was next to impossible. I got more bruises in this fun game than I did all year!

We finally headed back home just after midnight. I couldn't help but think of where and what Chloe was doing at this moment.

"You know Chloe always told me that she'd never end up like her mother, but she is totally the same." I told Joey.

"It sure looks that way," he replied.

"I wish there was something I could do or say, but she just is set out to be with those girls and do what they do. The Chloe I know has a good heart, she deserves better. Her mom has just brainwashed her into thinking that her looks are everything and that's how she can make it in life. I just wish she could see and feel more."

"You're a good friend Lindsey, Chloe is a lucky girl, but I'm the luckiest guy in the world!" Joey picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. "I am capturing you forever!" I felt like the princess who was being swept away by the evil beast. I loved every second.

CHAPTER 14B

### The Phone Call

My beast finally had to release me but promised to capture me again tomorrow.

I couldn't wait to crawl into my warm cozy bed, my most favorite place to be. I fell asleep quickly, slipping easily into a dream about being a princess. A brave knight rescued me from an evil fire-breathing dragon. He wore shining armor and carried a long fancy looking sword. He fought the wicked guards and finally the vicious dragon was slain.

Good grief, I feel like I'm four years old again but this dream was so fun! My knight slowly removed his helmet. I could tell by the beautiful white smile that it was my Joey! I threw my arms around him in delight, suddenly his cell phone rang. What? Knights don't carry cell phones. I opened my eyes; my clock read 5:47 am. Who would be calling at this time?

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

I was about to hang up thinking it was some prank call, until I started to distantly hear someone whimpering.

"Who is this?"

"Lindsey, help me."

"Chloe?"

"It's horrible."

"What's horrible, where are you? What's wrong?"

"I'm at a pay phone. I hate him. I want to kill him." She started crying harder this time.

"Who?"

"Uncle Jim."

"Uncle Jim?"

"He's a friend of my mom's and I want him dead. I hate him so much. He is a gross pig and he makes me sick. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him..."

"What did he do?"

"It's freezing out here." I could hear Chloe's teeth chatter. "Can I come over?"

"Yes, I'll leave the front door open."

"Maybe I shouldn't, Brittany, Kaitlyn and Nikki are sleeping downstairs and he might..."

"Might what? What did he do?"

All I could hear was Chloe crying again. "I can't go back home..."

"Leave Brittany a note and come over here!"

The phone went dead.

I kept one eye open practically the whole night. I wasn't certain what Chloe's plan was. I kept listening for the front door to open but I heard nothing.

Finally at about 7 o'clock in the morning I heard a knocking at my window. It was Chloe. She looked horrible. Her eyes looked like they were practically swollen shut because of the redness and puffiness. Her hair was knotty and messy. Her mascara had run down her cheeks. Her clothes looked wet and dirty. She was shivering so hard I had to help lift her through my open window.

She just grabbed me and held on tight. She was sobbing so hard I thought she'd wake everyone.

"Come sit on my bed and tell me what happened." I invited.

She was crying so hard that she was having difficulty catching her breath. I put my arm around her on the bed and just waited patiently.

"Last night... after we came home from this party... we... we were all going to bed... my mom had this party so there were a lot of people sleeping everywhere... sniff... Brittany, Kaitlyn and Nikki all slept downstairs.

"I just wanted to crash in my room... when I walked in the door of my room, Uncle Jim was sleeping in my bed... so... so I... I just laid down beside him. He's is my mother's friend! There's nothing wrong with that, right?"

I was speechless and worried about what I was about to hear next. _B_

"He tried stuff Lindsey!" She broke into uncontrollable crying. I thought she would pass out from all her hyperventilating so I just waited for her to continue.

"He touched me! He's so disgusting! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him..." She cried and cried. All I could do was hold her. Oh my god. I couldn't believe what she was telling me.

"What did you do?"

"I screamed and said no! He grabbed my wrists and told me to shut up and not to wake my mom because she would be mad at me! He said I would like it! I didn't like it, he held me down hard and I couldn't move. He put his hand on my chest and that's when I was able to kick him and get away to call you. I just needed to hear your voice... sniff..."

"You've got to tell your mom," I said.

"No! She would just say it was my fault!"

"What?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I don't know, maybe she would be right... I mean, we took these pills and all..."

"Pills? What pills?"

"Uncle Jim gave us these little white pills. They made us feel so good."

"Would you listen to yourself? Now he gave you drugs? I'm phoning the police." I grabbed the phone.

"No! I'm not saying anything!" She snatched the phone out of my hand.

"He's a criminal Chloe!"

"But I asked him for the pills."

"Well you definitely didn't ask him for what happened last night!"

She sat quietly looking down at her hands that she had clenched on her lap.

"Maybe I did."

"What!?"

"Well, he said that I wanted it because I'm always flirting with him."

"You didn't deserve that, not even for a second! Just like you didn't deserve what Adam did to you!"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Well maybe you need to for once! Adam forced you to have sex with him and you got pregnant!

"It's not supposed to be like that Chloe. you need to have more respect for yourself. you are beautiful inside and out. It's wrong that your mom tells you that you only need to look pretty and find someone to marry. There is so much more to life. Look at her life! Is that what you want? you always told me you never wanted to be like your mother but you are heading in the same direction..."

Chloe just sat and cried. I remember when I used to envy Chloe. I was so jealous of how pretty and popular she was. I wanted to be like her so badly. Now, I wouldn't want to be her if someone offered me a million dollars.

We ended up falling asleep until around noon.

Then my mom came in and we talked.

We talked and talked. Chloe told my mom everything and we decided that we would go to the police and press charges against "Uncle Jim."

My mom may not like Chloe's mom and she may not like some of the things that Chloe has done, but she truly likes Chloe as the person that I see. Through all the clothes and make-up there is a fragile little girl who needs to be loved and cared for.

When Chloe gave up her baby two summers ago, my mom was there for her every step of the way. It was the most difficult thing Chloe has ever gone through. She was very brave. Nobody ever knew about Chloe's baby. Not even her own mother. Chloe was able to hide her entire pregnancy from everyone. I think she also hides her feelings from everyone as well...

CHAPTER 15B

### Life Goes On

After weeks of hard persuasion, my mom and I finally convinced Chloe to see our school counselor, Mrs. Futuro. She has been talking to her almost ever y day at lunch time for about a month. I think Chloe has had a lot of issues that she needed help dealing with. She seems better, a little more calm and focused. She still hangs out with Brittany and doing whatever they do but at least she's attempting to help herself. We still talk, not like we used to but at least she feels she can open up to me, I think that's pretty important.

Deirdre's mom passed away with Deirdre and Megan by her side. It had been a long and painful battle with breast cancer.

Deirdre phoned me and we went out for a long walk that Sunday afternoon.

"I'm going to miss her so much but I know she's in a much better place now." Deirdre seemed calm and convinced. "She was in so much pain at the end. It was no way to live."

"How is Megan doing?" I asked.

"Not so good. She understands things differently at her age. I told her mommy is dancing with the angels..."

We spent the entire afternoon together just walking in the park. We talked a lot about Deirdre's mom and what her family life was like when she was little. She told me that just before her mother passed away, her mom spoke to a social worker at the hospital about foster homes. Her mom tried everything to get her out of that horrible place where she and her sister lived at.

Deirdre has become one of my best friends. Jess and I really enjoy her company; she is fun and likes to do anything we suggest. She has a really good heart. It's such a shame people didn't take notice of that before.

Deirdre and Megan joined my family for dinner that night. My mom thought it was important for them to be with people who supported them during this sad time. My mom is disgusted with Deirdre's grandmother and father.

"Deirdre, if it is okay with you and Megan, we would love to have you live with us for as long as it takes to find an appropriate foster home."

"Hooray!" Aimee and Megan squealed with delight. My mom suggested this to me awhile back. I think it's a great idea.

Deirdre looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Thank you," is all she could say.

Joey, Jess, Deirdre and I spend a lot of after-school time and weekends together just hanging out.

Deirdre loves to read so she spends some of her time at the library. I still enjoy going to the hospital with Joey to visit Mr. Tommies. He's not doing very well right now. He's a real fighter and simply loves life too much. Mr. Tommies has taught me so much...

What I will remember most, is to look around and see who your real friends are and celebrate that. A real friend is someone who makes you feel good about who you are when you are with them; don't ever take your loved ones for granted, life will always have obstacles and you will always be thrown difficult choices. Follow your heart because ultimately, you know what is right from wrong. you always have the ability to get through tough times and you will become a stronger person because of it, but the most important words that I will always remember, "Live everyday like it is your last..."

Joey and I went down to the hospital cafeteria for lunch one Saturday afternoon. Joey was still in line when I went to find us a table. I noticed he was talking to a couple of people and he had a surprised look on his face.

They looked concerned and seemed to be very serious about whatever they were talking about. I couldn't help but be very curious. Joey looked my way as he was leaving the couple. He came to the table and put his tray of food down.

"I'll be right back okay?"

"Sure." I wanted to ask what was going on but he seemed quite distracted.

He returned about 20 minutes later with a content look on his face.

"Where did you go?" I was dying to find out.

"I went to visit an old friend." I searched his face for more information. "Those people who I was talking to earlier were her parents."

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked.

Joey took a long pause and looked down momentarily. He then looked right into my eyes with a big smile and said, "She's going to make it... she is going to make it."

### Epilogue B

"Are you almost ready?"

"Would you quit asking me, I said I'm almost ready." I was finishing off my last touch of makeup. I stared at myself in the mirror. I can't believe it has been ten years since we graduated high school. This reunion is going to be interesting. I have major butterflies in my stomach.

"You are as cute as you were when I saw on the beach that afternoon."

"So what are you saying, I look like I'm 16?" Joe hugged me around the waist as we spoke through the mirror.

"I'm so nervous," I said.

"It'll be fun, I can't wait to see how the guys are doing, Eddie, Newman Boys, Kurt and especially Jake Stein."

Joey and I were married three years ago. After graduation, we did end up going our separate ways. Joey was offered a position on the National Men's Volleyball squad at that time so he was off traveling for a few years.

Jessica and I did our own traveling. We threw on a backpack and headed to Europe for six months. I enrolled in Canon College when we returned. There, I received a Physical Education Degree and worked as a teacher for a few years.

Joey and I tried to keep in touch. It wasn't always easy. We actually dated other people for a few years while we remained friends. I found that all I ever did was compare every guy I dated, to Joey. He has always been the one for me.

Four years ago Joey hung up his court shoes so he could pursue other interests, which included me. He was accepted into medicine and I continued on with my education in a Master's Degree program.

Chloe and I remained good friends throughout high school. She continued with her counseling, I think it really saved her. It took her some time to get out of the group she had been hanging around. I think they all needed extra growing up time.

Chloe works as a nurse at Canon General Hospital. She married a nice guy from college. They have a two-year-old little girl named Abbie.

Abbie calls me "Auntie Wimzie."

"What time did you say Jessica's plane gets in?"

"In a half an hour, we should go,"

Jessica travels around with a research group who saves animals that are going extinct. She is married to her animals; she absolutely loves what she does. We e-mail frequently. She's single and I think will always be single. She moves around so much, I doubt she'll ever settle down.

Deirdre Duncan writes children's books. In fact, she has a whole series of books that teach children about life and death. She has actually been on television promoting her books. She is becoming pretty famous! I'm so proud of her. We still keep in touch despite her living so far away. Megan and Aimee are college roommates. They act like sisters. They even tell people they are sisters.

"I wonder what ever happened to Brittany Sinclair."

"Isn't that why you wanted to go to this reunion so bad- ly?" Joe asked as we were getting in the car.

"I'm pretty curious about a lot of people. I wonder who made it and who didn't."

"We made it, that's the most important part." He tapped his chest and reached for my hand.

"We made it."

### About the Author

Laurel Peterson received a Bachelor of Science Degree in Nursing from the University of Alberta. Her experience includes dealing with students on varying issues during her years as a School Health Nurse in Alberta cities. Laurel has drawn from her work experience to create the issues and obstacles the main character faces.

Laurel has consulted and presented on various topics such as alcohol/drug abuse, relationship issues, bullying, suicide and depression, teen sexuality/teen pregnancy and decision-making skills.

She has been previously published in _The Canadian Nurse,_ a nursing journal. The article, "So you want to be a Nurse?" documents the stress faced by college students and specifically nursing students.

Laurel Peterson currently lives in Edmonton, Alberta with her husband and two daughters. She continues to work as a Public Health Nurse.

She can be reached at lcpeterson@shaw.ca.

