 
Saving Hitler

Part one: Killing Hitler

William Dean Hamilton

Distributed by Smashwords

Copyright 2015 William Dean Hamilton

Index

New York, July 28th, 2015, Psychiatrist's office

New York, July 28th, 2015, Later, Burt's place

New York, July 28th, 2015, Even Later Still, Uncle's Garage

Munich, March 8th, 1932, University

New York, July 29th, 2015, Library

New York, June 12th, 2015, Theater

New York, July 29th, 2015, Later, Library

Munich Germany, March 10th, 1932, University

New York, July 29th, 2015, Later, Bad Restaurant

Munich Germany, March 12th, 1932, Arrival

Munich Germany, March 12th, 1932, Later, Tavern

Outer Space, March 12th, 1933, ish

New York, July 29th, 2015 Even Later, Bad Restaurant

Munich Germany, March 12th, 1933, Even later, Tavern

New York, July 29th, 2015, Even Later Still, Bad Restaurant

Munich Germany, March 13th, 1933, Hitler's Place

New York, July 30th, 2015, Bad Restaurant

Munich Germany, March 13th, 1933, Painter's House

Munich Germany, March 13th, 1933, University

Munich Germany, March 13, 1933, Inn

Munich Germany, March 14th, 1933, Painter's House

Munich Germany, March 14th, 1933, Police Station

Munich Germany, March 14th, 1933, University

Munich Germany, March 14th, 1933, Hardware store

New York, July 30th, 2015, Later, Bookstore

Munich Germany, March 14th, 1933, Later, Police station

Munich Germany, March 14th, 1933, Later, University

Outer Space, March 27th, 1933, ish

Munich Germany, March 15th, 1933, University

Munich Germany, March 15th, 1933, Later, Police Station

New York, July 31st, 2015, Bad Restaurant

Munich Germany, March 22nd, 1933, University

Munich Germany, April 1st, 1933, Police Station

Outer Space, April 5th, 1933, ish

New York, June 15th, 2015, Bar

Credits

New York

July 28th, 2015

Psychiatrist's office

The psychiatrist looked over at Martin and said, "Does Hitler remind you of your mother?"

Martin said, "No, my mother doesn't even have a mustache. Have you listened to my story at all?" He looked over at the psychiatrist, but it was hard to see him with the only light in the room being a lamp that was behind the psychiatrist, but he could still make out the shadow of his glasses and mustache.

The psychiatrist said with no hint of emotion, "Of course I have. I think that you are feeling guilty about your mother and have made up this episode with Hitler."

Martin asked, "Why would I feel guilty about my mother?"

The psychiatrist said, "Perhaps you feel responsible for her death."

Martin said, "She got hit by a bus."

The psychiatrist said, "Do you think you might have driven the bus?"

Martin said, "I was only ten at the time, of course not. I came here to talk to someone about how awful I feel about saving Hitler, I mean I am Jewish. That's the last thing I should have done."

The psychiatrist said, "You don't really expect me to believe that you have a time machine. Do you?"

Martin sat up, "My uncle has one, he's very smart. I told you that there might be some parts of the story that were difficult to believe. I just want someone to listen to me."

The psychiatrist said. "You can't fool a trained psychiatrist; you had to have known, on some level, that you wouldn't be believed."

Martin stood and said, "That is the end of the session."

The psychiatrist said, "You still owe me for the full hour. I would recommend that you see me at least two times a week."

"I'm not going to pay you or ever come back."

The psychiatrist said, "You don't have the option to not pay, you agreed to pay."

Martin said, "You didn't believe me when I told you my story, why would you have believed me when I said I would pay at the end of the session?" and started to walk out of the office.

The psychiatrist tried to look tough and yelled at Martin, "Hey, stop."

Martin walked through the Psychiatrist's office and out into the day. The skies were overcast with dreary dark and white clouds, but enough of the sun made it through to make his eyes squint from the adjustment from the dark office. Cars old and new filled the New York streets, darting through the shadows of large buildings. Lindsey, his sister, leaned against an old Pinto a cigarette hanging from her thin fingers. He didn't ever recall her ever taking a puff, yet the cigarette was always present there unlit. He knew most men would find her beautiful, but he didn't like to think about that.

Lindsey said, "I told you he wouldn't believe you."

Martin said, "This was all your fault for getting Hitler killed in the first place."

Lindsey moved the cigarette in a vague circular motion. "How was that my fault?"

Martin said, "Really. You don't see how it could have possibly been your fault?"

Lindsey said, "Whatever. I have an idea that might help."

Martin was doubtful, but knew he should trust his sister, even though he had only known her a few months, although the way time was jumping around all the time it was hard to tell for sure. "OK, what is it?"

Lindsay smiled, "We should get Burt, he likes me, I can talk him into going into the time machine, he can see himself last week, we won't risk changing history again by going back too far, and then he will talk to you."

Martin said, "We always run into Burt, it's just so annoying to know someone and they never remember who you are. He's not a psychiatrist anyway."

Lindsey said, "It doesn't matter, any psychiatrist will think you're nuts with the story you're going to tell them."

Martin said, "I don't know, he's in the story whenever we come back to the present. I don't know if this is the right thing to do."

Lindsey said, "Oh come on, he saved you from being eaten by a zombie, he's a great guy."

Martin said, "Alright."

Lindsey jumped up and clapped her hands, "goodie."

New York

July 28th, 2015

Later

Burt's place

Burt sat watching _The Price is Right_ trying to remember the name of the new host. He felt a little guilty he couldn't remember, but he was distracted by something, a feeling of foreboding. He thought, _well, that wasn't too unusual._ He heard a knock at the door. He thought to himself, _I don't really have any friends, none that would come over_. He got up and walked the two feet to his peephole and looked out. He could see a nerdy guy wearing glasses with the nose the size of the Statue of Liberty's, not scaled to her face, but actually that large, where if you needed to retrieve something from up there you might have to send in a few guys with rappel ropes. Standing next to him was a... before he could finish this thought his hands started to tear at the locks... _beautiful_...the stupid things wouldn't open fast enough... _girl_. Burt opened the door, but was unable to do anything but stare at the blonde woman whose angled chin, lovely eyes, long hair, and wry smile was like a girl you would see on TV or in magazines.

The nerd with the enormous nose said, "Hi Burt, we need to talk to you."

Burt said, "Who are you, how do you know my name?"

The beautiful woman said, "Well I suppose you don't really know us, but you saved Martin's life once."

Burt asked, "How did I save your life?"

The beautiful woman said, "You probably wouldn't believe us if we told you." She smiled and nodded, her eyes indicating she was thinking of a far off place. "You know when New York was overrun by zombies; it was a lot nicer than what you would think it would be."

The nerd said, "OK Burt, I know we've said a few strange things to you, and, to be honest, we are probably going to tell you some even stranger things before we're done. But I need to release some stress by telling someone about what I've done. I think you might be my only hope."

Burt said. "I don't think I can help you. You're kind of scaring me."

The beautiful woman walked over to him, "Am I scaring you?"

Burt said "Well, maybe a little."

The woman walked brushed against him, her long hair lingered for a second against his face, he could smell her perfume, but he couldn't identify it, it just smelled wonderful. "How do you feel now?"

Burt was kind of dazed, but answered, "Horny and inadequate."

The woman said, "Good, that was what I was going for," and she clapped her hands in delight.

Burt said, "What?"

The woman said, "Please help out my brother."

Burt said, "I don't even know your names."

The woman said, "I am Lindsey and this is my brother Martin."

Burt said, "Nice to meet you. How did you find me?"

Martin said, "This is where you usually live."

Lindsey said, "I am going to have you go back in time so that you can see that Martin is telling the truth and that we did the right thing by saving Hitler."

Burt asked "Are you really anti-Semitic or something?"

Martin said, "No I am just your average Jewish person, so I am only a little anti-Semitic."

Lindsey asked, "Will you help us?"

Burt said, "I don't know."

Lindsey brushed up close to Burt, and his reasoning got fuzzy.

Burt asked, "I am totally in your control, aren't I?"

Lindsey said, "Of course silly, let's go."

New York

July 28th, 2015

Even Later Still

Uncle's Garage

They had driven out of the city and into a suburban row of houses. Martin unlocked the garage and looked around."If my uncle catches us we will be in big trouble."

They walked into the garage, there was practically no room to stand with all the boxes and miscellaneous junk cluttering the place up, it reminded Burt of his apartment. Burt spied a large blue rectangle with Police Box written on the inside of it. "It's the Tardis." He said. "You really do have a time machine."

Martin said, "That's not it, and a good thing too, otherwise you would never fit."

Burt said, "Hey, I'm not that fat, I'm just big boned."

Lindsey walked over and pinched Burt's cheek, "Even with a little chub, you're still cute."  
Burt felt the heat rushing to his face and leaned against a stack of boxes, which fell over.

Martin whispered, "Be quiet, he'll hear you."

Lindsey said, "I thought he was in Philadelphia."

Martin said, "That doesn't matter."

Burt looked over the junk, there were several devices that looked like time machines from science fiction movies, one looked like a sled with a satellite dish on the back. "That one looks like the time machine from H. G. Wells 'The Time Machine.'"

Martin said, "Yes, my uncle collects time machine memorabilia, or used to until he invented his own." Martin removed a cloth from a box about two feet square which had four cables running from it and an electric cord which Martin unplugged from the wall. He tugged at the front of the square and a panel opened to reveal a simple operating console. It had a dial to control the numbers a next button, a start button and a series of numbers formed bright red lines. The numbers were labeled longitude, latitude, year, month, day. Martin tugged at the cords and at the end of each was a plastic handle formed to be held in a person's hand, like the top of a ski pole. Martin handed one to Burt and Lindsey and also he held one in his own hand.

Burt started to ask if this was the time machine, but he felt a shock in his hand and tried to throw away the handle. It was stuck to his hand and he realized that he felt weightless and woozy. He felt as if he were no longer solid, but then all of a sudden he felt like he hit a brick wall and everything was normal again other than he felt disoriented. He was, however, in the city again. It was daylight, the old brick building in front of him was familiar, he had looked at the cracks running up the sides of it every day as he walked out of his apartment, wondering if they affected its structural integrity.

Burt heard Martin say behind him, "We should hide, otherwise you will see yourself and since you don't remember seeing yourself, this will create an alternative reality or a paradox or something."

Burt wondered about this and said, "No, I have to meet myself, otherwise how will I really know it's me."

Martin said, "Oh come on, no one can just trust me."

Burt said, "You are talking about a time machine, would you really just trust someone who you didn't know. If I don't meet myself then it could just be someone in a disguise, this way I will remember."

Martin said, "I just know something bad is going to happen."

Lindsey said, "You are always saying that. We have made dozens of alternative realities."

Martin said, "It's more like six or seven, and the only time it was better was when we saved Hitler's life, but then Hitler was still his old self, killing Jews and invading Poland and all of that."

Lindsey said, "Remember uncle said, after he told us to never use the time machine, that if we ever did not to go back very far so that nothing important will get changed. In this instance only Burt's life would get changed, that couldn't affect anything too important."

Burt said, "Hey, I'm insulted by that."

Martin said, "Oh Burt she doesn't mean it like that, I mean Hitler got killed, other people who were military personnel, politicians or scientists who were important in shaping world events got killed or their lives changed. You are a security guard who got fired two weeks ago."

Burt said, "How did you know that?"

Martin said, "Because we have met you before, remember? We're going to create another reality by doing this; I think it is a mistake. We might end up with two Burts, one from each reality."

Lindsey said, "Oh silly, that doesn't even make sense."

Martin said, "Yeah, but when we created different realities we were still there, wouldn't he still be there and the new Burt too?"

Burt said, "How else will I know it's not an elaborate hoax, they have those TV shows nowadays." Burt turned and looked at his old apartment building. The cement blocks all looked a little dirty, but there were four or five that were stained a brown color for no apparent reason. Why was it only those particular blocks, but none of the surrounding blocks? Burt thought about things like that sometimes. Somewhere behind him there was someone yelling about twins, that was the thing about being in New York, there was always some idiot yelling about something.

Lindsey said, "Hi Burt, we found you again."

Burt said, "What," and turned around. He stood behind himself eating an ice cream cone.

The new Burt said, "Are you my long lost twin? I hope you don't want money."

Burt said, "No I am future you, so I do want money, but I know better than to ask you for it."

The new Burt said, "I thought I had some family, someone I could talk to about stuff."

Lindsey said, "I didn't know you didn't have any family, I am an orphan, but I got reunited with my brother after being alone for a long time."

Martin said, "Our uncle couldn't handle raising two kids. He really has a hard time looking after himself to tell the truth."

Burt said, "But he built a time machine, he must be amazing."

Martin said, "He is crazy smart, but you see all the brains he has for astrophysics diverts the brains he needs to do things like cooking toast."

Ice cream cone Burt said, "This is a very confusing conversation to be getting into. Can someone tell me what's going on?"

Martin said, "It's probably better if you don't know. If we are in a different time loop this could mess with you for years."

Lindsey said, "Martin you're being mean." She pointed to the old Burt, "You, as in him, didn't believe that we had a time machine, and the only way he would believe us is if we went back in time and met himself. Does that help?"

Ice cream Burt said, "Not much."

The old Burt said, "Say, why don't I remember meeting myself, shouldn't I?"

Martin said, "Well you see Burt, the past, or the present, or really wherever you would call right now, is very funny. I would like to give you some sort of detailed explanation of how this all works, but I can only tell you so far all of it is just crazy."

Lindsey said, "Space-time is very delicate, it ebbs and flows like the mighty ocean. It is not as hard and logical as one might expect it to be, but it is more like a wave and as such it is pliable and accommodating."

Martin said, "Accommodating?"

Lindsey said, "Yes, haven't you listened to uncle at all? He was very clear about it."

Martin asked, "Clear about it, there was nothing he ever said that was clear. Oh no, you are the smart one after all."

Lindsey said, "Now don't be hard on yourself. The nuns were very thorough in my education."

Martin said, "I don't even understand how you were raised by nuns when we're Jewish."

Lindsey said, "It's really quite an extensive story, I don't think we have the time to go over it."

Martin said, "We should get back."

The new Burt said, "Woman, I have never seen anyone as pretty as you, please take me with you. I feel as if our destinies were intertwined, I would do anything to be with you."

The old Burt said, "We have to be in some sort of twisted alternative reality, I would never have to guts to tell a girl as, "and he mumbled a word that might have been beautiful, "as Lindsey something so direct and open. We have to get out of here. "

Martin said, "We have been here too long, let's go."

They started walking all together with the new Burt in tow. They all took a paddle from the time machine.

The old Burt said, "Don't let the other me come, please."

Martin said, "I think it will be alright and I don't think we could stop him anyways. If we end up with two Burts we'll figure it out."

Burt felt the shock again and the sensation of weightlessness and then hitting something like an iceberg. It was kind of bad, but really, it would be worth it, depending on where your destination was. And they were back in the garage, and there was no other him. He was glad for a second, but then he realized that there would never be anyone else he could be as close to as himself and an unexpected sadness overcame him.

Martin asked, "Lindsey, how did you know there would only be one Burt?"

Lindsey smiled, turned and walked out the door.

Munich

March 8th, 1932

University

The man in the white lab coat pointed at the sandwich and yelled at Oppenheim, "The essential thing that makes a peanut butter sandwich is the PH balance, why can't you see that." The rest of the people in the cafeteria ignored them, this had happened a few other times.

Oppenheim said, "Smit, with all your degrees and things you have forgotten the basics. Did your mother take samples and analyze everything? Of course not. It was trial and error all the way."

Smit's hair seemed to rise up as his cheeks turned red, "But if only she could have. Think of how marvelous her cakes would have been."

"Frederick, Alvin stop it," one of the security guards said as he pulled on Oppenheim's lab coat.

Frederick Oppenheim stood and pointed at the guard, "How dare you refer to use by our first names. You should always refer to me as Dr. Dr. Professor Oppenheim, but him - I don't care what you call him."

Smit said, "I will allow Heinz to call me Alvin, the PH in my brain is perfectly balanced, unlike some professors who probably don't even really have two doctorates."

Heinz said, "Come on guys, cut it out, the dean wants to see you. I don't think he's happy about the way you two have been bickering."

Oppenheim brushed a few crumbs of peanut butter and jelly off of his lab coat. He wondered if this was going to take long. His radio transmission had to be in an hour; otherwise he would miss his chance for another two months. He rose from his chair and waved for Smit to go in front of him.

Smit said, "I can hardly believe that you let me go first. One might even call it politeness if they didn't know you."

Oppenheim said, "Of course it was not politeness, I just don't trust you behind me. The last thing I need is peanut butter smeared down my back."

Smit said, "You shouldn't give me ideas."

Heinz knocked on the dean's door."

The dean said, "Come in."

The three of them walked into the dean's office. The dean stood with his hand out welcoming his guests, if his desk wasn't so huge it would be like he was going to shake their hands. Piles of paperwork and open books filled the desk for all but a small working area directly in front of the dean. The walls were similarly adorned with disorderly bookshelves, the books practically spilling out as they were piled onto them, rather than being lined neatly. Chairs were stuck in various points of the room. A man was sitting in one of the chairs. He wore a smart suit, but his glasses were ridiculous, the handle which connected the lenses to each other protruded upwards. It reminded Oppenheim of an old fashioned bicycle.

The dean said, "No doubt you have noticed our guest, it is none other than Nobel Prize winning Fritz Haber.

Oppenheim was stunned, "I am honored to finally meet you. I think your invention is one of the most underrated of all time. Millions would have starved if not for you."

Haber nodded uninterestedly, "I know I'm a great man and I could go on and on about it on most days, but I have just finished a speaking tour and I am for once tired of talking about myself."

Smit sneered and said, "You haven't done anything since the war, I'm not impressed."

The dean said, "Actually he has been working with his friend Carl Bosch to create a synthetic fuel. This could be an even bigger revolutionary idea than ammonia production."

Oppenheim said, "The ammonia is able to create either fertilizer or bombs, and the fuel could be used for either tanks or to ship food to the hungry. Professor Haber, you have the ability to create items useful in peace or in war."

Haber said, "Of course my ideas are beyond petty concepts like war and peace."

Smit said, "What point are you trying to make. Are you saying that my creation could only be used in war? So, what of it?" He glared at Oppenheim, and then at Haber "I am opposed to having another research professor here, we have at least one too many already."

The dean said, "You don't understand Smit, with the addition of Professor Haber to our team, we will become the most important defense research team in Germany. This will in no way decrease funding for either of your projects, in fact, we are getting a sizable grant from the government. In fact, we are going to be getting a contingent of new professors and assistants."

Oppenheim asked, "How is my work viewed as defense related?"

The dean said, "You have surely heard of the Nazi party, one of the important members of the party, a Mr. Himmler, is somewhat of a crackpot. He has been talking to a medium who has indicated that you are close to contacting a powerful alien life form, and if this life form were to come to earth, it would change history irrevocably."

Smit said. "This is incredible, we are all men of science, and yet we are subject to this ludicrous nonsense. As if his research is not ridiculous enough."

Oppenheim said, "My research is not ridiculous. But if there were a race advanced enough to travel through space it surely would also be civilized. The biggest danger to us would be its inability to have any care for us at all. We would probably seem like ants to it."

Haber said, "I can't really say what the effect of contacting a creature from outer space would be, if there is such a creature, but it seems a bit naive that it would want to be involved in earth politics."

Oppenheim said, "Quite, but we would be able to procure from them some fabulous technology. It would be a wonderful thing for all of earth."

Haber said, "I don't stand for any of this medium nonsense, but I am not so sure we could trust, or even understand what the motivations of an alien race would be. Although it would be a great boon if they were benevolent, they could cause great harm even if they were uninterested in us."

The dean said, "It doesn't matter what our opinions of aliens and mediums are, my opinion is to cash the checks while we still can. And for you academic types, the department will be getting larger budgets, more equipment, and lab assistants."

Smit said, "At least there is something good that has come out of this day."

Haber said, "I look forward to working on this team. I understand the both of you are Jewish."

Oppenheim said, "Well yes, I am."

Smit said, "I am not sure what you are getting at."

Haber said, "This is why I love Germany. I don't know of any other country in the world where a group of Jewish scientists could all work here in a higher institution of learning. Germany is so progressive and forward-thinking when it comes to Jews."

Smit said, "Well you are probably right for the most part, but I hear those Nazi fellows aren't crazy about us."

Oppenheim said, "They most certainly are not."

Haber said. "I think they will come around, I mean Germany is such a great place, and there are so many good hard working Jews here, how could they not come to love us in the end?"

The dean said, "Well, I didn't mention to any of the Nazis that most of the scientists here were Jewish, just in case."

Heinz stood outside thinking to himself, _I think the Nazis will want to hear about this. They might even do me a favor and get me a job so I don't have to be around any of these crazy professors anymore. I think they are going to end up killing everyone with their nonsense._

New York

July 29th, 2015

Library

Martin, Burt, and Lindsey sat around a large table on the edge of the library. The books on the shelves around them seemed old, and the smell of ancient books and coffee filled the place. The black iron and glass lighting fixture above them provided inadequate light, but this was compensated with by generous windows.

Burt said, "I don't understand why we had to come here, we could have talked at my place or yours."

Martin said, "Our uncle can't find out what we've done, or we will be in a lot of trouble, so our house is out of the question."

Lindsey said, "And Burt, don't take this the wrong way, but we've been to your place before and it's just too small." She paused and thought for a moment, "And dirty."

Burt said, "Hey, don't insult me; I'm doing you a favor."

Martin said, "You don't have a job anyways. I tell you what, if we can get the painting back we'll split the money with you."

Burt asked, "What painting?"

Lindsey said, "You see Martin is very worried about what our uncle will do if he found out we used the time machine to get rich."

Burt said, "That's what this is about, a get rich quick scheme?"  
Martin said, "Yes. Think about it, if you couldn't go back in time and meet any famous people for fear of changing the future, then what would you do with a time machine, use it to get rich."

Lindsey said, "If we went back and bought lottery tickets then our uncle would find out."

Martin said, "I thought about stocks, but we would need to get money to the past to invest, we really don't have much money, and if we went back more than a few years we wouldn't be 18 and wouldn't have credentials."

Burt said, "Well, I guess that makes sense, but why a painting?"

Lindsey said, "We read a news story about a man who had bought a painting at a garage sale and it ended up being worth 15 million dollars."

Martin said, "The painter was German, and the painting was last seen at 1932 in Munich. Another thing that made this a good plan was that I knew a dealer who was trying to unload some German Reichsmarks. The notes are almost worthless. This meant we could buy the painting with almost no initial cost, and come back and sell the painting with a similar story."

Burt asked, "Wouldn't your uncle be a bit suspicious about you finding this painting?"

Lindsey said, "I don't think so, I was there when he read the story. He said he wished he were the one to find the painting. He said something about how these things happen."

Martin said, "There is also a moral element about the thing. You see if you won the lottery, it would be cheating. But this man actually bought the painting fair and square. We would be doing the same thing, and even if it came out in the end how we got the painting, I think our uncle would forgive us."

Burt said, "What makes this painting so special?"

Lindsey said, "There is a legend that it was painted by a werewolf."

Martin said, "What, I didn't know that."

Lindsey said, "I looked it up,"

Burt said, "That's just weird."

Martin said, "It sure wasn't because the painting was pretty,"

Burt asked, "How did Hitler get involved in all of this?"

Lindsey said, "He happened to be at a bar I was at."

Burt said, "So when you saw him, you killed him."

Lindsey blushed, "No, that's not what happened."

Martin said, "I think you have to hear the whole thing for it to make sense."

Lindsey said, "I had this friend who works at a theater, and he agreed to get us costumes."

New York

June 12th, 2015

Theater

Lindsey walked into the darkened theater. Being there when it was closed somehow reminded her of some old, scary movie. The rows of red seats were abandoned; the stage was filled with props that were hidden in shadow so that she couldn't make out what any of it was. The air was dank with the smell of an old rotting building. _Rotting, did I just think to myself this place was rotting; I am letting my imagination get to me._ She noticed slivers of light darting out from a doorframe to the left of the stage. She knew that was where her friend Charlie would be. She walked to the door, her footsteps echoing in the darkness.

Lindsey said, "Knock knock," as she opened the door. The room was thirty feet long and the center of it held a rack its entire length filled with ancient robes, tuxedos, human-sized bird costumes, and anything else a person could wear. The walls held lamps, heads wearing wigs, axes, and other assorted props.

An enormous man wearing a purple jumpsuit poked out from behind the rack and shouted in a high pitched voice, "Lindsey."

Lindsey shouted back, "Charlie," and clapped her hands.

Lindsey asked, "So what are you all dressed up for, some play?"

Charlie looked down at his outfit and said, "No, I just felt adventurous today. I have a few outfits for you."

Lindsey said, "Oh, thank you."

Charlie grabbed a large bundle off of the counter, "I am a little confused when you said they had to be realistic up close though."

Lindsey grabbed the package, "Well, um," and shifted from one foot to another, then an idea came to her, "Me and my brother are going to a murder mystery and want to look realistic for the time period it's supposed to be."

Charlie smiled and said, "Oh, so will there be Nazis there."

Lindsey said, "I'm sure there will be, but I hope we don't run into any."

Charlie laughed, "You shouldn't say that they would have to be the killers."

Lindsey said, "I guess you're right, but Nazis are too crazy for me."

Charlie said, "Yeah, but you know what they say, the crazier a person is, the better they are in bed."

Lindsey tried to hit Charlie on the shoulder, but couldn't really do it because she was holding the bags, "No, get out."

Charlie said, "I swear I have only heard it second hand. At least that's my tale, and I won't say otherwise."

Lindsey wondered if that could be true. "Anyway, I have to get going, I will bring these back in no time."

Charlie said, "We don't need them for a few months at the very least, the play we are putting on now seems to be doing well, so take your time."

Lindsey said. "See you later."

New York

July 29th, 2015

Later

Library

Burt said, "What was the point of that story?"

Lindsey said, "Well, I wanted you to know that I heard the thing about crazy people more than once." She waved the unlit cigarette that was in her hand as she talked.  
Burt asked, "What? Crazy people and sex?"

Lindsey said, "It's important to the story."

Martin sighed.

Burt looked at the two of them.

"You can't smoke that in here."

All of them looked over to see a heavy set woman standing at the end of the table glaring at them through green horn-rimmed glasses.

Lindsey said, "It's not lit, I carry them around for the most part."

"You can't smoke that in here."

Lindsey responded, "I know, I explained I wasn't smoking it, and I don't plan to smoke in a library."

The woman said, "I don't even think you should have it out."

Lindsey said, "What business is that of yours?"  
Burt said, "Where do you even find glasses like that, I thought they stopped selling them in the 60's"

The woman said, "I am the librarian, I think you should leave."  
Lindsey got up and pointed at the woman, "You are the only person I wasn't horrified to see eaten when the zombies overran New York."

The woman stepped back, her mouth open with shock

Martin said, "I don't think it was her."

Lindsey said, "How many people have bright green horn-rimmed glasses?"  
Martin stared at her for a second and tilted his head, "Maybe, but it was hard to tell with all that blood. I suppose it doesn't hurt anything if you want to think it was her."

The woman yelled, "Out!"

Burt said, "Quiet lady, this is a library."

The woman pointed at them, and then at the stairs leading down to the street.

Burt whispered, "That's much better."

The group went outside and the heat smacked them in the face as they exited the building. The humidity steamed up Martin's glasses.

Lindsey took a lighter out of her purse and she moved it towards the cigarette, but then said, "I can't believe that lady. I mean really, we got kicked out of a library for not smoking."

Martin said, "And I didn't even get to tell all of my story."

Burt asked, "Was I the only one who enjoyed that?"

Martin and Lindsey shouted, "Yes."

Burt hunched his shoulders, "I liked your story, Lindsey." He glanced up at her and a man stood next to her, blonde hair fell around his face and muscles bulged out of his shirt. "Oh great."

The man looked at Lindsey and asked, "Can I give you a light?"

Lindsey said, "No, do I look like a retard who wants to get cancer or something? I just like to hold it."

The man gave her a tortured look and scuttled away. Burt laughed.

Lindsay scowled at Burt, "Are you laughing at me?"

Burt said, "No, it's just that when I saw that guy, and what he looked like talking to you, I just thought..."

Lindsay waited for a moment, "What did you think?"

Burt blushed, "Never mind."

Lindsey threw the cigarette on the ground.

Martin said, "I know what you're thinking."  
Burt said, "No."

Martin said, "I speak fluent German."

Burt said, "That wasn't what I was thinking."

Lindsey said, "Me either."

Martin said, "But I know Burt was wondering how we were able to go to Germany and fit in to buy the painting."

Burt asked, "I was?"

Martin said, "Of course you were. I mean not very many people could just go to Germany and be able to get around and buy a painting."

Burt thought for a moment, "What about Lindsey?"  
Lindsey asked, "What about me?"  
Burt asked, "How did you get around."

Lindsey said, "The nuns who raised me were German."

Burt said, "That seems so strange."

Lindsey said, "The Mother Superior of the order was in Germany during the war and had hidden Jewish kids from the Nazis. She tried to go on living in Germany after the war, but the whole thing was traumatic for her. It wasn't until 1965 that she was able to raise enough money to move to the United States. She was very old when they were raising me, but I think because of what happened she wanted to help me. It does seem kind of strange, I guess, but if you think about it, what she did made sense."

Martin wiped the steam off his glasses with his shirt and then put them back on. "We had to wait until our uncle was out of town before we could leave."

Burt said, "I know you want to tell your story, but we should find a place we can sit down and talk first."

Martin frowned, "OK."

Munich Germany

March 10th, 1932

University

Heinz watched Smit place the long, white, thin worm into the tank which was filled with crickets."So the horsehair worm will lay eggs, infect the crickets and take over their mind?"

Smit said, "It will not completely take over, it will make the crickets seek water, when the cricket gets to a body of water it will break out of the cricket's head and lay its eggs."

Heinz said, "I just don't see how this could be used on humans."

Smit said, "The worm itself is of no use to us, but the idea of how it can manipulate minds, that could be very helpful on the battlefield. Imagine if you could not only neutralize the enemy, but mobilize their very own troops against them."

Heinz said, "It sounds like a mad scheme, it can't end well."

Smit said, "Would they have given me all this equipment if it was only a scheme? The German Army has given a sizable grant to the university for this study. It is a way to get around some of the arms treaties Germany was forced to get into at the end of the Great War. The PH balance is off though."

Heinz said, "You are always talking about the PH balance of everything."

Smit said, "Of course, I am, do you realize how important the PH balance is?"  
Heinz said, "Um, no."

Smit said, "It's even important to ketchup. Ha, ha."

Heinz asked, "What?"

Smit said, "Because of your name."

Heinz said, "Oh, yes. I am not related if you were wondering."

Smit said, "I didn't figure you were, I mean if you were related to an important family like that you wouldn't be a security guard here, I mean really."

Heinz said, "That's very insulting."

Smit said, "Oh, come on now, you know it's not a great job."

Heinz frowned at the professor and crossed his arms.

Smit said, "I know there is a brain in there somewhere, that's why I'm showing this to you."

Heinz asked, "Do you think I could help in some way?"

Smit laughed and slammed his hand down on what looked like a glass aquarium which held a multi-colored wasp.

Heinz was about to walk away when he noticed the wasp was attached to a beetle's head, the beetle was walking slowly forward.

Smit said, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have laughed, but you help me? Out of the question. But I do see you have a keen eye. That is another insect which can control the mind of others."

Heinz asked "Now look here, I am not only a security guard, I am the head of security, and since this facility is becoming a center of research, my job is becoming more important every day. I will not be talked to this way."

Smit said, "Don't' be overdramatic, don't you see I am giving you a compliment?"

Heinz asked, "By insulting me?"

Smit cocked his head "Did, I do that?"

Heinz said, "You most certainly did, you laughed at me."

Smit smiled, "Oh, I see. Let me explain this to you differently."

Heinz tucked his hands under his arms, "I'm listening."

Smit said, "If Professor Haber were to have said the same thing as you I would have done the same thing. It is not just a matter of being smart, but of being knowledgeable in a particular area. It would take you years to be able to be of real use to me, do not take offense."

Heinz frowned, "Well..."

A man broke into the room, "Hey guys, I'm Dorsey, I just got a grant to work here, I think it's the greatest thing since ketchup."  
Heinz looked at the man's huge smile; his hair straggled out in all directions, like a clown with brown hair. "Don't make fun of my name; I'm not in the mood."

Dorsey said, "I don't know what you're talking about, I just love ketchup."

Smit said, "You must be working on something very important to get assigned here, all of the top research scientists in the country are here."

Dorsey said, "Oh, of course it is." He looked around like he was about to tell them one of the biggest national secrets. "I am looking to do a transplant of a dog's voice into a cat."

Heinz looked at Smit, "Am I missing something?"

Smit said, "Well there Dorsey, most of the projects here are defense related. Heinz and I are a bit puzzled how you got approved to be here."

Dorsey smiled even larger, "My uncle, he likes me so much and has supported me all of the way."

Smit nodded his head as he spoke, "And who would this uncle be?"

Dorsey said, "Nideburg, what a great guy."

Smit nodded to Heinz.

Heinz said, "He is virtually the head of the educational ministry. That explains it."

Dorsey said, "Yes, after all my work with cats, I know that they will only be able to truly communicate what they are feeling inside if they can bark."

Smit said, "It will be a glorious day for Germany." and rolled his eyes.

Heinz started to leave but caught a glimpse of another glass case with a kind of yellow powder growing inside of it."What's that?"

Smit said, "Mold, controls bug's minds, yada, yada, yada, I don't feel like talking all of a sudden."

Heinz said, "I understand."

New York

July 29th, 2015

Later

Bad Restaurant

The bright florescent lights seem to dig into Martin's eyes. "I don't know if a burger joint is the best place to talk."

Burt said, "Sure it is, old people hang out for hours in the morning. We can stay here as long as we want and they have free refills."

Lindsey looked around nervously, "They don't have clowns at this place do they, I hate clowns."

Martin looked at the restaurant, some of the paint on the red tables and chairs was chipped, the counter where you ordered was some kind of old green color that was popular in the 60s, the menu behind the counter was filled with letters and numbers that were slid into place, but a few of the numbers were askew. The crew working behind the counter wore similar beige shirts, but not matching.

Martin said, "I don't think this place is nice enough to have a clown." He sipped his soda, which had an odd aftertaste to it. "Free refills huh?"

Burt said, "YEAH, isn't it great?"

Martin asked, "Where was I?"

Lindsey said, "We were all ready, we had our uniforms and money and spoke German, I wanted to take something to read in case I got bored, so I brought a copy of Cosmopolitan."

Burt asked, "Is that really important?"

Lindsey said, "Yes, the whole world might be different if I hadn't taken that copy of Cosmo with me."

Martin started his story

Munich Germany

March 12th, 1932

Arrival

Going further back in time means that when you arrive at your destination the impact is greater, both of us felt stunned for a few minutes. When we got our senses back, we started to walk around. The air was brisk, but not unlike March in New York, when you stood in the sun, you could almost feel warm until the wind slapped the spring away from you. Mountains were partially hidden by new and old buildings, and you could see why a painter could get world class inspiration from all of the angles and views Munich had to offer. After we had been there for only an hour night started to fall.

We decided to go into a tavern and order some dinner. It was a large room and the bar in the middle of the place was packed with big, brusky men who wore working uniforms or suits.

The smell of smoke was overpowering, in the modern day you forget that it used to be customary to light up cigarettes in a tavern. We ordered sausages and beer from a chubby blonde woman whose cleavage must have pumped up to about 100 PSI.

I noticed a man in a security guard uniform approach a table a few feet away from us; he asked if he was speaking to Himmler. I was very nervous, but what did I have to be nervous about? I didn't realize it until we had made three or four trips into the past, but this was a very important conversation.

Our sausages were delicious, but I felt very tired from the trip, and I was nervous about sitting close to Himmler, so I got up and went up to my room, which was on and upper floor of the tavern.

Munich Germany

March 12th, 1932

Later

Tavern

Heinz shook Himmler's hand.

Himmler said, "So nice to meet you, I am not sure I can help you right now, but I think we will be able to in a year or two at most."

Heinz said, "That is so reassuring. The Jewish scientists I work for just seem to be crazy. I think one of them is going to end up getting all of us killed."

Himmler said, "Oh yes with their greed, they will destroy us all."

Heinz said, "Well no, they are working on some things that are very dangerous, but I think some of them, perhaps all of them, are slightly unhinged. I think at best the projects are a waste of time, but at the worst, they could end up killing many people."

Himmler said, "So are they trying to turn lead into gold."

Heinz said, "No, they are trying to contact aliens, and."

Himmler said, "Oh, I want that project to stay, I have some inside information about that."

Heinz said, "From whom, I know everyone at the college."

Himmler smiled and shook his head up and down, "My medium said it was a powerful life form who had the potential to change life on the planet forever."

Heinz paused for a moment, "Well, there is another professor who is studying bugs and things that can control the minds of other bugs, how will that be useful."

Himmler said, "Do you think that is how those Jews have corrupted our youth and made us surrender in the Great War?"

Heinz said, "No, I just think they might start a plague or holocaust or something like that."

Himmler said, "Holocaust you say, that could be another word for the final solution."

Heinz said, "By all that is Holy."

Himmler said, "Do you have a problem with the final solution?"

Heinz said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I got distracted. Would you look at the size of that man's nose?"

Himmler glanced quickly over, "How can you look at the man's nose when there is such a beautiful creature which sits next to him."

Heinz, "You are right, what is wrong with me."

Himmler said, "Ah, what a lucky man with the big nose."

Heinz said, "No, you are wrong there, they are brother and sister."

Himmler started to look over, but then looked down and covered the top of his eyes. "I was going to look, but I don't want to see that man when I look at her, that would ruin everything."

Heinz started to laugh.

Himmler said, "I will make sure that you are taken care of, I will send Zog over to help make sure nothing gets out of hand."

Heinz said, "Oh good that should help. Is he a scientist?"

Himmler said, "No, not that kind of help, but he will make sure everything is taken care of."  
Heinz smiled.

Outer Space

March 12, 1933

ish

Oppenheim's radio wave coursed through outer space at light speed. A monstrously large alien craft headed towards the signal, millions of miles away, but yet not that far in terms of space. Ten eyes peered out of the main window; they were all connected by tentacles to a large purple blob held up by ten other tentacles. The cabin which the blob was in was perhaps a hundred feet long and half as wide. Screens filled the room, three of them were broken and the occasional wire sparked sporadically. Lights of different colors seemed to blink randomly.

Another blob which was similar to the first blob except for a hint of blue spoke, "Captain, I have made contact with this Himmler again. I think there is a planet around here we can plunder."

The captain said, "Blobby, I think you may be taking this globe too seriously, I mean it was just a shondle present from when you were a child."

The blob said, "Captain, you know my name is Mike. Even though the traditional shondle presents are supposed to be from children, I think that perhaps this one was perhaps from just a short adult."

The captain said, "Ah, I could see that happening. We don't pay too close attention before we start in with the wholesale slaughtering."

Mike said, "So I think there is something to this. If this was just a toy of some sort, then I think it would have spoken to me before. I think they will help us if we promise to kill something called Jews first, of course, they want us to be peaceful with them."

The captain said, "The first thing is no problem, we were going to kill everything on the planet anyways, we might have to break the second promise. But how are we going to find this planet?"

Mike said, "That seems to be the problem, there is some kind of signal which will lead us to them, but we have not detected it yet."

The captain said, "That's horrible, I don't want to slow down the ship until we can find the place, it takes so many resources to get the ship going this fast, if we can't find a planet to replenish us we could end up drifting in space forever. The thought of it makes me stressed out. Bring me the Aulterian."

Mike said, "But sir, he has been dead for three weeks now."

The captain asked, "Do you think that the Aulterian will be able to feel pain after he is dead?"

Mike said, "Well captain, would it be impertinent to ask you a question first, but keep in mind your response will in no way affect me answer."

The captain said, "Go ahead, that sounds reasonable."

Mike asked, "What will you do if he can no longer feel pain?"

The captain said, "Well, I can't just whip it if he doesn't feel pain, so I guess I would have to whip one of the crew."

Mike said, "Very reasonable sir, and is there any chance that the person you would whip would be me?"

The captain paused and scratched one of his tentacles on top of his blobbiness, "Why yes, since you are in the same room, it would be very convenient for me to whip you."

Mike said, "Well, I am absolutely certain that the Aulterian can still pain after death, probably for years, heck maybe for centuries."

The captain asked, "How sure are you of this?"

Mike said, "I am absolutely certain. Feel pain after death, it's only common sense."

The captain said, "Bring it here."

Mike said, "Certainly." Mike left the cabin and drug the thing, which was shaped like an eagle, into the room. Its head was crocked to the side, and the foul smelling thing had worms twisting through its side. The worms grossed Mike out, but he had an idea.

Mike said, "I think that if you whip him where the worms are, it will hurt worse."

The captain stood up taller, "Really, that sounds like fun, kind of like a game."

Mike said, "Yes."

The captain pushed on the touch screen in front of him and a hidden panel opened that held the whip, he then grasped it with one of his tentacles. The captain whipped the dead thing, and as he did his eye tentacles drifted closed to the body to see where it hit. "I got one," he said after he hit a worm, "This is fun."

Mike knew eventually he would whip all of the meat off of the bones, and the captain might not believe that a skeleton would feel pain; he would have to think about that carefully, or see if he could get Joe in here when it happened. That was risky though, as the captain was rather stupid, and Joe could end up being his new favorite, or worse, forget that he wasn't Mike. He focused his attention back at the captain, his eye tentacles were practically touching the dead thing, he should have been...

The captain cried, "Ouch." he had whipped one of his eyes, and then in his panic, his eye touched the dead thing and a worm crawled on his eye, "Get it off, get it off."

Mike staggered over to the captain; it was not so much by smarts they had conquered worlds, more immunity to most weapons, being gelatinous. After he reached the captain, he grabbed the worm with his bottom tentacle and threw it across the room.

The captain said, "Thank you, Joe, you have been most helpful."

Mike sighed.

New York

July 29th, 2015

Even Later

Bad Restaurant

Lindsey sat in the restaurant with her arms crossed, "Does this mean I have to tell my part now."

Martin said, "I wasn't there sis."

Lindsey said, "But this is really embarrassing."

Martin said, "I would say that was an understatement."

Lindsey said, "Alright, but I want to let you know I was drinking a few beers. The beer is very good in Germany. I know that doesn't help much."

Burt said, "I'm sure it can't be that bad, you seem like a nice girl."  
Lindsey said, "I am a nice girl, but I'm afraid you might look at me in a different way after I tell you what I did that night."

Burt said, "What could you have done to make me think of you that differently, did you kill Hitler?"

Lindsey said, "No, it's worse than that."

Burt exclaimed, "WHAT!"

Lindsey said, "I had a lot to drink, and I was reading Cosmo, and it said that sex is better if you are doing it with a crazy person."

Burt stared at her.

Lindsey said, "And then Hitler sat down where Himmler had a few minutes ago, and I couldn't get the thought out of me head, there isn't a crazier person in all of history than Hitler."

Burt said, "No!"

Lindsey said, "It's true, there isn't"

Lindsey said, "Then Hitler saw I was looking at him and he came over..."

Munich Germany

March 12th, 1933

Even later

Tavern

Hitler looked down at Lindsey, "Are you OK, miss?"

Lindsey asked, "Are you, Hitler?"

Hitler said, "Why yes, how do you know me?"

Lindsey said, "Well, me and my brother have come here to buy a painting and..."

Hitler said, "Oh my heavens, it has been such a long time since I have painted. This brings a smile to my face."

Lindsey said, "Well that's not exactly what I mean, I have heard that you don't like Jews and want to kill them all."

Hitler said, "That's not true at all while there are some Nazis, that's this club I'm in, who want to kill all of the Jews. They have promised me to be the president of the club if I swear an oath to kill all the Jews. Now that I think about it, perhaps I should say a lot of the club, well, most. Now that I think of it more I would have to say, virtually all of them want to kill every last Jew. I am a moderate in the club.."

Lindsey asked, "What do you mean by that?"

Hitler said, "I only want to kill a few dozen of them."

Lindsey said, "How could you kill anyone, that is the worst thing I have heard in my life."

Hitler said, "We have to get rid of the Jews, that's just a fact."

Lindsey said, "Why is that a fact?"

Hitler said, "It is only common sense, the dirty bankers, and how we were stabbed in the back during the Great War."

Lindsey said, "Well I'm Jewish."

Hitler said, "And the dirty Jewish lawyers, all the lies they tell, wait, what did you say?"

Lindsey said, "I'm Jewish."

Hitler shook his head in disbelief, 'Oh, but you know, not all Jewish people are bad, they have their good points too. Um, ah , well, oh you know nobody likes lawyers or politicians, any of their kind is a liar."

Lindsey asked, "Aren't you a politician?"

Hitler said, "well, um, ah, yes, I am, but I'm not like those Je...er, um, I am not like the other kinds of politicians. I am an honest man."

Lindsey said, "I can tell."  
Hitler said, "I am so sorry, we have gotten off on the wrong foot. You know, perhaps all it would take is for me to get to know what a real Jew is like. Would you get to know me better, perhaps you are the one person who can show me what the Jew is like. Perhaps it is just the friends and associates I have been around that have made me blind to people such as yourself."

Lindsey said, "Well, I don't know, do you really think I could change you?"

Hitler smiled.

New York

July 29th, 2015

Even Later Still

Bad Restaurant

Burt said, "You fell for that, that's the oldest trick in the book."

Martin asked, "What Book?"

Burt said, "I don't know, I don't think it was the Bible."

Martin said, "You're right. It doesn't sound like the Bible, but it must be a really famous book."

Burt asked, "Haven't you ever heard of that expression before?"

Martin said, "Yes, but I still wonder what book it's referring to."

Burt said, "I don't think it would be a murder mystery."

Martin said, "Right, good point."

Burt started to speak but looked over at Lindsey. Her head was parked between her arms and she was sobbing quietly. Burt patted her on the back, "I'm sorry, I guess I was just jealous. Sometimes it seems like women want to hear bullcrap from assholes rather than sincerity from nice guys. It's just hard when you are a nice guy. I'm sorry."

Martin said, "It's too bad that we can't tell people what happened, I mean, you could go around telling kids not to get drunk or they would sleep with Hitler. It would be the best anti-drinking campaign ever."

Lindsey made a halfhearted attempt to hit her brother.

Burt thought _that worked._

Lindsey asked, "You were jealous?"

Burt said, "Yes." and then blushed. He looked over at Martin who looked at him like, I can't believe that worked.

Munich Germany

March 13, 1933

Hitler's Place

Lindsey knew she was awake, but her eyes didn't want to open and her head throbbed. She thought she had a weird dream last night, but then she realized it might have been real. She opened her eyes and the light smacked her in the face, she closed her eyes a little so that she could see without all that light ruining the morning and looked over at the man beside her. It was Hitler.

She closed her eyes and groaned, but then realized she just had to get out of there as fast as she could. As her eyes adjusted to the morning, she saw the bedroom door was open, and she could see the door to outside. She reached her hands down and collected her clothes, then slowly sat up and threw the clothes on her as she scooted through the house towards to the door. She assembled the last of her clothes before she tried the door, except for her shoes, since she felt it would be quieter. She tried the door, it wasn't locked and she swung it opened slowly, it creaked and Hitler babbled behind her. She stopped in her tracks for a minute and then continued through the door. She was outside; she looked up and saw the square of the town and the inn that they had been at the night before. She remembered the room number; everything was going to be OK.

She left out a sigh as she closed the door and stooped down to put her shoes on.

She heard a woman scream, "What is this?"

Lindsey looked up, a woman glared at her; she looked like a woman from an old black and white movie, not a star to be sure, maybe an extra.

The woman shouted, "Adolf Hitler, you come out here this instant."

Lindsey knew she didn't want to get caught up in anything, so she started to walk away although she was only wearing one shoe.

The woman reached in her purse and pulled out a gun, "Don't you go anywhere toots."

Lindsey dropped the shoe and held her hands up.

Hitler opened the door, "Eva, I am so glad to see you, put that gun away; you are making yourself look foolish."

Eva said, "You've cheated on me for the last time." She shot Hitler in the chest three times and Lindsey ran for the tavern.

When she reached the tavern people were all talking and pointed out the windows to where Hitler's body lay, but her heart was beating so loudly she couldn't hear a thing. She dashed up the stairs, _room 22,_ she thought. She knocked on the door. Martin answered the door. "Horrible news brother, Hitler has been killed."

Martin said, "How is that horrible news?"

Lindsey said, "Well I guess it's not bad news after all. I was just there and I was scared. I guess it's great news."

Martin said, "The Holocaust never happening, no World War II. I would say this was a great day, but people will never know it."

Lindsey said, "This is just the type of thing that uncle warned us about."

Martin said, "Yes, this will affect history, but what could possibly be worse than the Holocaust?"

New York

July 30th, 2015

Bad Restaurant

Burt said. "Oh, let me guess, zombies."

Martin said, "That was one of the things that were worse, but there were other things, a lot of other things."

Burt said, "It's hard to imagine that. Like what?"

Lindsey said, "I think you will like the story better if it's a surprise."

Burt asked, "Dinosaurs, are there dinosaurs?"

Martin said, "Kind of."

Burt asked, "What do you mean kind of?"

Lindsey said, "They weren't exactly dinosaurs. It's better not to get too far ahead, that won't happen for a while."

Burt said, "OK, if you won't give me a real answer, then continue with your story."

Munich Germany

March 13, 1933

Painter's House

It had taken Martin and Lindsey no time at all to find out where the painter lived. They stood on the door of the quaint cottage which held in its gaze a majestic view of the mountains surrounding Munich. The duo looked at the buildings and snow dipped peaks for a moment before Martin knocked on the door.

A voice from inside called, "Adolph, leave me alone, I don't have your money."

Martin said, "Hey look we're not that Adolph guy."

The voice continued, "So are you one of those Nazi fellows?"

Martin said, "No, we're just here to look at one of your paintings."

The voice said, "You said we, who is all out there?"  
Martin said, "Me and my sister."

Lindsey said, "Hi."

They could hear the sounds of bolts unlocking and the door swung open, the painter stood there, his eyes, nay, his whole face was sagging and ragged. He wore a beret, but it had seen better days, his white smock was covered in drops of paint. "You'll have to excuse me, that Hitler will be the end of me."

Lindsey said, "Not anymore, he got shot today, I am pretty sure he's dead."

The painter's face lighted up but then fell. "That should be great news, but I think his girlfriend will harass me just the same, and she is twice as crazy as he is."

Lindsey said, "Is that Eva?"

The painter looked puzzled, "Why Yes."

Lindsey said, "She was the one who shot him, she's probably in jail."

The painter sighed and then smiled. "That is good news. And now you want to buy a painting. I don't see how this day could get any better."

Martin took a slip of paper out of his pocket, "The painting we are interested in is called 'The Wofenstein.'"

The painter looked at the paper and said, "Here it is," and took a painting off of the wall behind him. He studied them carefully as they looked at it. "How much money do you have on you?"

Martin said, "I don't see how that is any of your business."  
The painter said, "But you know, I can tell you want this painting very much. All you have on you is what the painting will cost."

Lindsey said, "We can leave right away Martin, I know it's an exotic vacation, but we had better not linger anyway."

Martin opened his wallet and shoved the money into the painter's hands.

The painter said, "Thank you. I don't mean to be rude about it, but I have been short of money for a long time. People always say they love my paintings, but they just don't seem to love paying for them, eh. Unless there is anything else, I hate to be rude and not invite you in, but I do have important business I have to attend to."He bowed his head, "God bless you."

Martin and Lindsey stared at the painting and said, "Thank you." at the same time, then both of them had the same thought at the same time, _this painting is ugly._

They started to walk down the road back to the city when they heard a howl from inside of the cottage, it echoed through the mountains.

Martin said, "I think he must have a pet wolf in there."

Lindsey said, "From the sound of the thing, I'm glad he didn't introduce us."

Munich Germany

March 13th, 1933

University

Heinz was standing at the entrance to the main laboratory when he noticed a huge figure in black coming towards him. He thought of it as an it rather than as a man because, well just because. Heinz said, "Hello there sir, can I help you?"

The man stood a bit straighter and said, "I am Zog. Zog here to keep crazy Jews in line."

Heinz cocked his head, "Oh. Well, you're not exactly what I thought. I am Heinz," and he extended his hand out.

Zog grabbed his hand and yanked it painfully up and down for a few moments. "Hello, I am very glad to meet you."

Heinz lied, "Me too. I was hoping for someone who could hold the scientists within the bounds of normal scientific procedure."

Zog said, "Me can do that."

Heinz asked, "You can?"

Zog said, "Sure, but what means 'normal scientific procedures."

Heinz said, "Well, it might take me quite a while to explain."

Zog said, "That is OK, I am a very fast learner, I learned the whole alphabet last year. Except for letter Q, Q is crazy. Oh, and what means bounds."

Professor Haber poked his head out of the laboratory, "Oh hi Heinz, who's your friend?"

Heinz started to say, "This is..."

Zog said, "Me Zog, I am here to put a stop to the ..."

Heinz shouted, "OK Zog, this is one of the Jewish professors that work here."

Haber stuck his hand out in a friendly gesture.

Zog made a fist and struck his hand, "Me watching for nonscientific something something."

Heinz said, "It's OK Zog, he's a friend."

Zog squinted his eyes and said, "That not sound right."

Heinz sighed and said, "Oh brother, who would have thought that calling the Nazis would be the wrong thing to do?"

Munich Germany

March 13th, 1933

Inn

Lindsey and Martin stood outside of their hotel rooms; Martin held the painting and Lindsey crossed her arms.

Martin said, "I know you wanted to stay here for a little while as a vacation, but I think we should get back soon."

Lindsey said, "You're right," and opened the door to her room. Two men in uniforms were rummaging through her suitcase."What are you doing here?"

One of the men stopped going through her things and looked over at her, "Are you Lindsey Traveler?"

Lindsey said, "Why yes, I am, what is the meaning of this?"

The man continued, "Were you anywhere near Adolph Hitler's house this morning?"

Lindsey said, "Oh, yes, that's what this is about, the woman who shot him was..."

The man said, "So you admit you were there."

Lindsey noticed Martin was standing by her side, although he had not spoken a word. She said, "Yes, I was there, the woman who shot him, I think her name was Eva. That was what Hitler said."

The man said, "You will have to come down to the station with us."  
Lindsey said, "I can understand that, but why are you going through my things?"

The man said, "This is not America miss, you don't have the same rights here, and you are accused of murder, this is a very serious situation."

Martin said, "What sort of evidence do you have, she saw another woman shoot him."

The man said, "But that same woman claims that she was the one who shot him. Did you happen to see what happened?"

Martin said, "Well, no, I was at the hotel. There must be something we can do to prove her innocence"

The man said, "That is not up to us to decide, but you must come along with us now."

Lindsey said, "I guess we have to."

Munich Germany

March 14, 1933

Painter's House

The painter stood next to the naked man lying in a cage looking at him to see if he had returned to normal. There had been sheets and blankets in the cage at one time, but now they were only tatters.

The man startled away and saw the painter looking down on him. "How long was I gone that time?"

The painter said, "Almost a week."

The man said, "Maybe we should give this up, there does not seem to be any way to control it."

The painter said, "Hitler is dead."

The man said, "Well, that is good news. Do you think the other Nazis know what he sold us?"

The painter said, "No, otherwise they would have been here by now. But if we can make this work, then they might be one of our best potential customers/"

The man thought for a moment and shook his head, "Yes, it will be nice for one of them to owe us money, especially when it was one of their own who gave us the talisman." The man started to dig through the torn rags at the thought.

The painter grabbed a pile of clothes from behind him and pushed the clothes through the bars, "Here, get dressed."

The man looked up at him, "I have gotten used to being naked, of course when I am a wolf I have fur on me."

The painter asked, "Do you have a way to reverse lycanthropy, I have heard once you use the talisman too much, the transformation will occur even without it?"

The man said, "There is a gypsy, but they are unreliable, and this one is expensive."

The painter said, "If you can't control it, I don't think we have much choice. I didn't want to be the one to turn because I was afraid of what would happen to me, but when I see what you are like, I am afraid if you can't learn to control it, my life will in more danger than yours."

The man said, "I will control it, I know so."

Munich Germany

March 14th, 1933

Later

Police Station

Martin was showing the guard the time machine, "See, here, it is just a little box, it's not explosive or anything."  
The guard poked the time machine with his fingers, "It does look a little too scientific for a bomb. OK, you can go in and give her the treatment."

Martin said, "Oh, thank you, and, by the way, why does everyone think my sister is guilty, if you don't mind me asking?"

The guard smiled, "Such a nice, polite boy." The guard bent down, "The people in this town, well, you know how people are, they don't think that anyone from Munich could be a killer, even after that incident with Otto the impaler, so since your sister isn't from here, they think she is guilty, even though everyone knows Eva Braun was kind of crazy and had threatened Hitler with a gun in the past."

Martin starred, but then shook his head, "Thank you for telling me anyway. I don't suppose we could move the trial?"

The guard said, "There is a slim chance, but I think she would get lynched."

Martin asked, "Lynched, here?"

The guard said, "Oh yes, she would be better off here."  
Martin said, "Thank you again and walked back to the cell where they held Lindsey."

Lindsey was scrunched up in a ball on the ground.

Martin said, "Wake up sister, I'm here."  
Lindsey looked up and him and clapped her hands, "I never thought I would see you again."

Martin said, "It took a while to convince the guards to let me in with this, he showed her the time machine."

Lindsey said, "Let's fire it up and get out of here."

Martin handed her the ski pole thing and she grasped it with all her strength. Martin had already set the time machine for modern-day New York, he pressed the start button, and felt weightless for a second, but not long enough, and the impact he was expecting never came, he realized his eyes were shut and he opened them again. Lindsey was still in the cage, he looked around,

The guard was staring at him, and then rubbed his eyes."I think my eyes are playing tricks on me, I thought you had both disappeared from the cell for five minutes. I almost called the other guards in, but I wasn't sure what to say."

Martin said, "We, um, used to be in a magic act, was it good then?"

The guard stood up, "A magic act, wow that was fantastic. If she gets out, I will see all of your shows."

Martin said, "Really, that's very kind of you," and then turned to Lindsey and whispered batteries to her."

The guard asked, "What was that?"

Martin said, "Stage secret, you really don't want to know. It would ruin the trick."

The guard said, "You're right. I hate to tell you this as you gave me a free show, but you have to leave now."

Martin said, "Sure, but I can come back tomorrow?"

The guard said, "Of course, hey do you know the trick with the rings?"

Martin said, "I do, but I don't have the equipment with us, darn it."

The guard looked sad as Martin walked away."

Munich Germany

March 14th, 1933

University

Martin stood in the professor's laboratory, unsure if he had made the right move in coming here. The laboratory was not all white and clean like the other ones he had passed in the hall, engine parts partially covered in oil lay about, and the walls weren't even the white tile he had noticed in the other, but were bare wood, with nails sticking out for tools to hang on. It was more like a garage than a laboratory.

A black man wearing a brown jumpsuit came from around a corner, a huge metal thing in his hand, he said, "Come on now, help me."

Martin jumped over to help, but as he examined the metal piece he found it difficult to determine what spot he could grab onto that would be less likely to result in an amputated finger. "Where should I grab it?"

"There is a handle on the back."

Martin started to grab the thing that looked most like a handle.

"Not there, are you crazy, down farther."

Martin grabbed at the next lower rung of metal, the weight of the machine dug into his fingers, but nothing felt too sharp.

The black scientist worked the machine with Martin into a corner and they dropped it onto a wooden crate that looked like it was going to break when they set the machine onto it.

The black man said, "Lucien," and extended his hand.

Martin shook the hand and said, "Martin."

Lucien said, "Ah yes, the young man who needs me to help him recharge his batteries. What sort of contraption is this?" And he popped the machine open.

Martin said, "Well. It's kind of difficult to explain..."

Lucien said, "It's a time machine isn't it?"

Martin said, "No, well, um, why would you say that?"

Lucien said, "This is a flux capacitor, I would recognize it anywhere."

Martin asked, "So you have seen a time machine before?"

Lucien said, "No, I never thought I would see anything this advanced, but when I saw how this was designed, I knew there was nothing else it could be, you have to be from the future to have this with you."

Martin blushed, "Yes."

Lucien said, "How did you overcome the parellax resistance?

Martin lowered his head, "My uncle made it."

Lucien said, "Oh, and so that was why you didn't know the batteries would get low."

Martin bowed his head, "Yes."

Lucien said, "You don't have to be glum, I can help you."

Martin looked up, "Yes?"

Lucien said, "Yes. I only want to borrow the time machine for a little while. I have always wanted a velociraptor."

Martin said, "What?"

Lucien said, "My robots are clumsy, they don't stand a fighting chance if we actually get into a war, besides which, if we don't get into a war, I won't be able to get any research money. The only reason I have some now is because the stupid Nazis are taking over the educational system and are willing to put large sums of money into any possible weapon, even unproven ones, but when they see my robot, they won't invest any more money, and I will be out of a job. Let me go back in time, I could capture a velociraptor and then I could change the world."

Martin said, "You see, that is just the sort of thing that my uncle warned me about. What if you change things so much that I don't even exist, then your time machine wouldn't exist. We would create a paradox, I can't allow it."

Lucien said, "Then at least let me go into the past, so that I can warn myself that I just don't have good enough technology yet to be able to make a good robot, I can tell myself to work on tanks instead."

Martin said, "Well, OK I don't see what that could hurt. By the way, I am a little surprised to see a black professor in this time, it is commonplace in my time, but I haven't thought of Germany to be progressive in the thirties."

Lucien said, "You are telling me, I applied everywhere all over Europe. Honestly I think they messed the paperwork up and were too afraid to admit it, they blamed it on something called affirmative action, but no one really knew what it was."

Martin said, "We have affirmative action."  
Lucien said, "What is it?"

Martin said, "It's when minorities get hired even though they are less qualified than other applicants so that they can meet racial quotas."

Lucien yelled, "Less qualified, less qualified."

Martin said, "Don't yell at me, I'm just the messenger."

Lucien said, "I know, I'm sorry, but if they really think I'm less qualified that is so insulting."

Martin said, "You did say that your robot program was a waste of money, perhaps that's why."

Lucien said, "After I had worked on them for a few years, I knew the technology was nowhere near where it needed to be to make killer robots. But the principal is sound; it's just that the technology isn't advanced enough."

Martin said, "Well, you know affirmative action has always been part of having a certain number of minorities, so perhaps it is just that you were the most qualified black person."

Lucien said, "Now you're just trying to make me feel better."

Martin smiled awkwardly, "Did it work?"

Lucien laughed, "Yes, I guess it did."

Munich Germany

March 14, 1933

Hardware store

Lucien walked into the hardware store, the small store walls were literally filled with tools, glass containers of nails, sheets of sandpapers, and wire.

The old man behind the counter wore an apron and a green hat, he said, "Hi Lucien, what can I get for you?"

Lucien said, "I need a converter for something that runs on American electricity, 115 volt 15 AMP A/C."

The old man rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a device perhaps three inches wide and four inches long, "Here you go, do you want me to put it on your account."

"Please," Lucien said, "And thank you," then he took the package and left the store.

When he left the store, he noticed a man wearing a trench coat and reading a newspaper. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the man stare at him, but every time that he looked over at him, the man ducked his head into the newspaper. Lucien thought, _this guy thinks he's in a spy novel or something_ , and walked down the street, through rows of houses which were well tended too, but obviously not the houses of rich people. Grass was mowed, weeds pulled, but some of the fences needed paint, some broken windows were boarded up, and one, which was not fully broken, hung in its place, nothing missing, but cracks emanated from the shape of a ball, the whole thing looking like a strong wind would make the whole thing crash.

Lucien turned around, the man was still behind him and by the time he looked back the man looked like he was reading the paper, except it was upside down. Lucien turned back around and was glad to see his apartment, a four-story brick building, a large plaque in the front read "The Willows" although he never remembered ever seeing a willow around here. He walked towards home, feeling a little anxious about the walk with the odd man following him.

When he got to the apartment, he put his hand on the door and looked behind him, the man was there, he held a badge in front of Lucien's face and yelled, "Police."

Lucien stared at the man for a second, "Are you wearing a fake beard?"  
The policeman said, "I'm the one asking questions here."

Lucien cross his arms, "And?"

The policeman said, "And what?"

Lucien said, "If you are asking the questions, then what are they?"

The policeman said, "Yes, well, what were you doing at the hardware store?"

Lucien pulled the converter from his pocket, "I just bought this."

The policeman said, "Did you pay for it?"

Lucien said, "Well no, I charged it, the owner is going to send me a bill at the end of the month."

The policeman said, "Ah ha, that sounds a little like theft to me."

Lucien asked, "Does it? How?"

The policeman said, "You are under arrest."

Lucien said, "Great, this ruin my whole day."

The policeman snapped the handcuffs on Lucien and took him away.

New York

July 30th, 2015

Later

Bookstore

Burt stood among the rows of books with a sense of wonder, the books here all smelled new, the lights were bright, and nothing looked out of place. The aroma of coffee was also present, although he couldn't make out the coffee shop from where they stood. A few customers glanced at books or wondered around, but it was Thursday, so there were no large crowds. Burt turned to Martin, "I feel like I need to improve my life, learn more so that I can be important."

Martin said, "Is that why you drug me here. You can be important by helping me."

Burt said, "Yeah, I can do that, but I will only be helping you for you, I won't be changing humanity. I want to be able to learn enough so that humanity will be better off by my existing. I want future generations to know who I am."

Martin said, "That's another depressing thought, even though I have literally changed history, no one will ever know who I am., although I don't think that I would want anyone to know anyways, I caused World War II and the Holocaust to happen."

Burt said, "But you had no choice, you basically said that and Lindsey agreed. So far I also agree."

Martin said, "I guess so. It's one thing to know it in your head though, and another to know it in your heart."

Burt said, "Yeah. I don't know what to tell you about that. You always are joking though."

Martin said, "That's how I deal with stress."

Burt said, "I like to blow up stuff when I feel stress. Too bad I can't afford to blow up anything big. Could you imagine blowing up something like a casino like they do sometimes to put up a new one?"

Martin said, "Maybe you could get a job..."

Burt yelled, "Look at that book! This is the perfect one. 'Building robots with Basic Materials for Dummies Volume 3, Weaponizing Your Robot.' This is awesome. I could totally learn how to do really cool things with this book. You are such an inspiration to me, thank you."

Martin held up his hand to make some sort of gesture as one would during a speech, but he could find no words to produce along with the gesture.

Munich Germany

March 14, 1933

Police station

Martin entered the police station; his guard friend stood by in his uniform and threw his hands up into the air, "Oh Martin, glad to see you. Do you have a trick for me today?"

Martin said, "No, I'm sorry friend." He looked around; there was a black man in a cage next to Lindsey."What's going on there?"

The policeman said, "Oh, that's a new thing we're trying out, it's called affirmative action, we got this book from the university, they said they were done with it."  
Martin said, "I don't think that's quite how affirmative action works."

The policeman asked, "Really. When the sergeant looked at the book he realized it had been years since we had arrested a black man, we thought we had better do it to be fair."

Martin said, "But there can't be that many black people in Munich, can there?"

The policeman said, "Maybe a dozen, maybe two."

Martin said, "That could just be a coincidence, what are the odds of any dozen people committing a crime. Usually, affirmative action is trying to protect minorities."

The policeman said, "I see what you mean. I should tell the sarge, but he's going to be real sore if I do. I think I should let the matter go anyways; they are probably going to let him out in a few hours. He didn't really do anything wrong. He bought this converter to American voltage at the hardware store."

Martin said, "You can just buy those at the hardware store."

The policeman said, "Oh yeah. We've got a great hardware store here."  
Martin said, "There wouldn't be any way that you could let me borrow that, could you?"

The policeman said, "Oh no, its evidence, it has to stay here."

Martin asked, "Well, what if I bring my magic thing in here to recharge, it would never have to leave the station."

The policeman said, "I don't see what would be wrong with that. I'll let you."

Martin said, "Great, I'll be back later."

Munich Germany

March 14, 1933

Later

University

Dorsey stood in the center of the operating room in front of the dog, the cat was on an operating table a few feet away, the nurse filled the otherwise white and bright room with a grimacing frown. A necklace hung outside of the white surgical gown Dorsey was wearing; it was a strange arrangement of lines that seemed to bend the mind when one gazed upon it. Sometimes the necklace seemed to reflect blue light off its black surface, although that might be just a trick of the light.

The nurse said, "Let me tuck that into your surgical gown for you doctor."

Dorsey said, "No, it has to be out for the operation to work."

The nurse asked, "Doctor?"

Dorsey said, "I don't have to explain myself to you." and he started to cut into the dog.

As he worked the nurse asked, "You're taking the brain of the dog out as well."

Dorsey said, "Well yes, of course, how else will the cat be able to use the dog's vocal chords?"

The nurse said, "Oh, um, I see. But the brains of the animals are much different in size."

Dorsey said, "I think I can make it fit."

The nurse said, "You don't think that will hurt the brain?"

Dorsey said, No chance skipper."

The nurse just stared at Dorsey for a few minutes.  
Dorsey said, "I didn't think about this until now, "He held the cat's brain in his hand," but I could also put the cat's brain into the dog although why anyone would want a dog that meowed like a cat I don't know, but of course I could never kill the dog." He handed the cat brain to the nurse. In ten minutes, he took the brain back and set it inside the dog's empty head. There was, of course, a large gap in the head. Dorsey touched the back of the dog's head with one hand and grasped the necklace with the other. Blue light streaked out from between his fingertips. The brain seemed to grow in size and attached itself to the dog's head. The nurse blinked and shook her head. When she looked back both the dog and cat were sitting up.

The nurse asked, "The anesthesia?"

Dorsey said, "I didn't need any, don't worry though, they were never in any pain, I wouldn't have wanted that."

The nurse said, "But they have just been through major surgery."

The dog jumped down from the table, rubbed against her leg and purred. The cat wagged its tail and barked at her.

Dorsey said, "Tomorrow we are going to do another pair so that they can breed, people are just going to love them."

The nurse said, "I don't think genetics work like that."

Dorsey grasped the necklace and said, "This was a very special surgery, their genetics have changed as well. Skipper, get ready for tomorrow, we are going to create history, again."

The nurse asked, "Why are you calling me Skipper?"

Dorsey's face went flat, it was the only time she had not remembered him smiling, he said, "Nurse, the question is not 'why do you call me skipper,' the question is, 'why not?'"

Outer Space

March 27th, 1933

ish

The Aulterian's body was nothing but a skeleton, but Mike had an idea. He stood in front of the captain, "Um, Captain, can I have a word?"

The captain whole body was sunk low and he swung the whip slowly back and forth.

Mike said, "Sir."

The captain said, "Oh blobby, life is so meaningless if one can't inflict pain on others."

Mike said, "No need to be so melancholy sir, and my name is Mike, if you would remember, I have been your first mate for 75 years now. I have an idea to rejuvenate the skeleton to bring it back its vigor."  
The captain said, "Really blobby, that would be great."

Six of Mike's eyes rolled back into his head. "I will cover the skeleton in jello, a red colored jello, and it would be fun to whip it off the thing."

The captain asked, "Would the Aulterian be able to feel pain?"

Mike hoped that the next lie didn't turn out to be too clever for the captain. "No, sadly, it is too far gone, but we have just discovered that jello can feel pain."

The captain's jaw fell all the way to the floor.

Mike continued, "So we could not only restore the body, but we could make jello into other shapes, and creatures, we could call them jello molds."

The captain said, "Yes, this is the greatest news I have ever heard. Even better news than when my son was born."

Mike said, "I heard that was a disappointment,"

The captain said, "I blame the cook."

Mike said, "Oh yes, I forgot you ate him."

The captain said, "That reminds me, I don't know why, but I think these jello molds should have fruit in them."

Mike said, "I can think of no practical reason for it, but yet it sounds like something we should definitely do."

Munich Germany

March 15, 1933

University

Zog trotted down the halls of the university looking for nonscientific things to investigate. The smell of fresh, blue paint which covered the walls filled the air, all of the doors had now been replaced as money funneled into the university, and their metal frames seemed to shine. Frosted windows hid the dark secrets of the labs, but Zog had a confidence that he could detect what he needed to detect. His gut would lead him.

A loud meow echoed from beyond one of the new metal doors and his gut caught on fire. He flung the door open with such force that the frosted glass shattered.

A dog stood on the desk, its paw stretched up towards a nearby bookshelf. It wiggled its but, and jumped, but was nowhere near high enough to reach the top, and its head smashed against the side of the bookshelf, and its body fell to the floor. The dog meowed in pain.

Zog grabbed his head, "This is like the letter Q all over again."

Dorsey said, "The poor thing doesn't realize it's a dog yet."

Zog said, "Did you do this?"

Dorsey said, "Yes, it will be fine, it will just take some time for it to adjust."

Zog said, "This is the type of thing I was sent here to stop, it's nonscientific something something."

Dorsey said, "Well skipper, this is actually very scientific. New grounds, I will be famous for this, you will be famous, probably, just for knowing me."

Zog said, "I can't let you do this." He looked around the room, the room was just an office with a wood desk, a couple of bookshelves, nothing really could be used as a weapon other than a lamp, but it was made of porcelain, he would surely break it he beat the man to death with it. He remembered how his mother would be so mad at him when he broke porcelain. It would be wrong. Zog sighed. But his gut started to tap-dance and he heard the smallest bark coming from under the desk. Zog scooted around the desk and saw a cat standing at attention, not something he had ever seen in a cat, and the cat was barking. It stood behind a doctor's bag. There had to be a knife in the doctor's bag. Zog reached into the bag, and after pushing aside a stethoscope, he saw there was a knife. Zog grabbed it, stood and plunged it into Dorsey's heart.

Dorsey grabbed the knife, pulled it out, then made a motion like he was spreading peanut butter over the wound. The wound was completely healed. Dorsey said, "Skipper, that is no way to handle a knife, you could hurt someone."

Zog's stomach started doing the Lindsey, which confused Zog because he didn't remember what the Lindsey was. But after a few brief moments, Zog remembered it was a dance, and Zog sprung into motion again. The necklace had glowed when he was doing the peanut butter trick. The necklace had allowed him to perform some sort of magic on himself, Zog needed that necklace and grabbed for it. When Dorsey realized what Zog was doing, he dropped the scalpel and tried to hold onto the necklace, but his fingers soon collapsed under the intense strength of the giant.

Zog held the necklace in his left hand and said, "Now I rearrange your face." Now Zog did an amazing thing, even with the magical necklace. He rearranged Dorsey's face into what he imagined a Q to look like. Never in the history of medicine has such a complicated surgery ever been attempted, but Zog did the surgery with no surgical instruments and only his right hand. First Zog pulled the mouth to the corner of his face, then elongated his nose, and pulled it down so it crossed over the mouth. Next, he pulled both ears down four inches on either side to make room for the eyes, which were moved over next. When Zog realized he was finished, he looked at what he did, and a pride swelled up in him.

Dorsey, however, was not very pleased with the transformation, and ran out of the room. It was very hard for him to see where he was going with his eyes as they were, if he opened both of his eyes at once his mind would try and focus the images together as if the eyes were in their regular spot. His mind, not being able to reconcile the conflicting images, strained to confusion and a headache swelled in him. But he knew his life was in danger, and he ran through the halls of the university.

Oppenheim started to scream at him when he entered his lab. "No, you fool; I think I have almost made contact. Dorsey smashed into the antenna, and it crashed onto the floor. The specialized radio tubes which would take weeks to order cracked as they hit the floor. Dorsey continued to scream and ran out to scrape walls, doors, and a few other projects.

Munich Germany

March 15, 1933

Later

Police Station

Martin looked at Lindsey through the bars of the cell. "It won't be long now. They were going to let me into the evidence room to get the time machine, but a man came in that they are going to book with attempted murder."

Lindsey stepped back away from the bars, "That's awful, do you know what happened?"

Then they heard a loud crash behind Martin, and he turned to see it. Beyond the rows of cells, mostly empty, except one that held Lucien, Zog was handcuffed and three officers surrounded him. One of the officers pushed on him and said, "Go there."

Zog stretched his hands out and the handcuffs snapped in two, "No push me. I will go where you want."

One of the other officers asked, "Should we put another pair on him."

Another officer answered, "He's broken two already if he breaks more we won't have any left."

The last officer said, "They don't do any good anyways."

The first officer said, "Please sit here Zog."

Zog said, "Thank you for being so nice. Your Mom good." and sat down in the first of the rows of desks.

The lieutenant came over to Zog and said, "I hope we can clear all of this up because I really have no idea what happened over there at the university."

Zog said, "Zog try to help."

The lieutenant said, "The first thing that I need help to understand is that the reports state the incident started when you discovered he had made some sort of cat-dog thing."

Zog said, "That right."

The lieutenant was speechless for a moment, then continued, "Well, that doesn't make any sense, what do you mean?"  
Zog said, "Dog was cat, and cat was dog."

The lieutenant said, "Zog listen here, if you can't tell the truth about the very first thing, then it seems you will spend a long time in jail for this."

The first officer from before leaned into the lieutenant and said, "Actually sir, that part is true, I saw it myself."

The lieutenant looked at the officer then back at Zog, "Well, if he's telling the truth then..." He looked back at the officer."What!"

The second officer said, "I also saw it."

The lieutenant paused and looked at his men, looking for any sign they were pulling his leg. "Very well. The second point I want to clear up is that you claim the Nazis sent you to protect the world from crazy Jewish scientists, yet you attacked one of only two scientists in the university who weren't Jewish."

Zog's eyes widened and he said, "Ooh, I did a bad thing."

The Lieutenant held up his hands and said, "Well, it's not like it would be OK if you assaulted a Jewish scientist, but it's just not consistent with your story. So you didn't know that?"

Zog said, "No. Me not know."

The lieutenant said, "It seems believable enough that you didn't know. You don't seem very..." The lieutenant looked up at Zog and realized he shouldn't finish that sentence. "Anyways, the method you used to hurt Professor Dorsey doesn't make any sense to me. Can you describe what happened?"

Zog said, "I try to stab him, but nothing happened, so me made his face into a Q."

The lieutenant blinked a few times. "Pretty much all of that doesn't make sense to me."

The first police officer leaned forward again and said, "This was also very unbelievable. The first part about stabbing with nothing happening, I don't know, but Dorsey's face was rearranged, like with plastic surgery, no blood, no bruising. I have no explanation for how it happened."

The lieutenant looked up at the officer, and then at the other officers who nodded in agreement. He put his face in his hands for a few moments. "I have a full confession, but I don't think any judge in the whole world would convict him. Put him in the cell."

Martin turned to Lindsey and whispered, "That was strange."

Lindsey said. "Yeah, things seem to be so much different here in Germany."

Martin said, "I know."

It took a few moments before they got Zog to a cell, and then one of the regular guards carried the time machine back to them and handed it to Martin, "Give us a good show tonight."

Martin turned to him and said, "I will."

Lucien started to scream, "It's a time machine, don't let them start it."

Zog turned to look at them and yelled, "Nonscientific something something. Are you Jew? It's like the letter Q all over again."

Martin and Lindsey disappeared. After a few minutes the phone on the lieutenant's desk rang, he picked it up hesitantly. "Hello... yes, chief.. I agree, very weird things... the details...yes, well I don't there is much I can say at the present, I mean some of the eyewitnesses are describing things which, well, are actually impossible...can I put you on hold for a second?" He pushed a button on the side of the phone and said to himself, "What am I going to tell the chief?"

The first officer said, "Well, old Smitty's not too bad of a guy, he'll understand."

The lieutenant said, "This is the chief from Berlin."

The three officer's eyes bugged out and they covered their mouths.

The first officer said, "You can't tell him about those things, I saw it with my own eyes and I barely believe it."

The second officer shook his head yes, "Perhaps you can say that this was an April Fool's Day Joke."

The lieutenant said, "April Fool's day, but it's still March."

The third officer pointed and said, "But wait, there were those American's here, we could say that they celebrate April Fool's Day in March and that they were the ones who started the rumor."

The Lieutenant asked, "Do you think he would believe that?"

The first officer said, "It's more believable than anything that has happened today."

The lieutenant said, "Lucien, how certain are you that that was a time machine?"

Lucien said, "Martin stopped in my office and wanted my help to recharge the thing. I think he thought it was going to be difficult to convert the currency."

The lieutenant said, "I don't think they're coming back, so we are going to drop charges against Lindsey, Zog, and Lucien. I know nothing, nothing. The lieutenant picked up the phone and said, "This is Lieutenant Schultz, sorry to keep you on hold, I just wanted to sort out a new report before answering you."

New York

July 31st, 2015

Bad Restaurant

Lindsey, Martin, and Burt sat in the dingy restaurant drinking odd tasting sodas.

Burt said, "OK, then you came back and then what happened."

Martin said, "It's not that simple. I pressed the start button and the weightless feeling came over me. I thought I could hear something about the letter Q as I traveled the years. This time, however, I felt myself hitting something like a stone ceiling. My uncle had explained that sometimes when you traveled you would hit these pockets where time was all bunched up, and I realized that had to be what it was. I was still stuck in time travel; unable to interact with the world, but now I was able to see it."

"A little girl, perhaps four or five, looked over a white stone wall at a yellow flower. She reached for the flower, and it looked like it was too far away, but she stretched up and stood on her tippy toes until she was able to reach it, then she held it tightly as she fell back, and the flower snapped off its roots, but the force of it breaking was all it took for her to go tumbling down to the ground. Her grubby brown outfit was adorned with a yellow star of David. That made me think that something might be wrong. That was the type of outfit that the Jewish people had to wear right before and during the concentration camps. I saw two German soldiers grab her, and then a man, presumably her father, ran after them. He wore the same type of outfit with the Star of David on it. One of the soldiers raised a pistol and shot the man between the eyes. They didn't even stop to look at the man but dragged the little girl and she started to scream and cry. Then the bunching was gone and in a few minutes I was back in New York."

"When I saw Lindsey was with me, I was very relieved to see her, I asked, 'did anything strange happen to you on the trip?'"

Lindsey said, "Nothing had happened to me. I just felt like getting a beer down at any bar that is close by."

Martin said, "So we had materialized in the street, but no one had noticed us, so we looked around and saw an unfamiliar, but welcoming bar. Then I ..."

Lindsey screamed, "A clown." and pointed.

Martin said, "That is rude to point Lindsey, I'm sure the clown won't hurt you."

Lindsey said, "We have to get out of here, actually I have to get out of here, you can fend for yourselves against the horrid thing."

Martin looked over, but it was just a regular clown, not a scary or strange one. He held a balloon animal in his hand. Lindsey ran out of the restaurant, and Martin slowly walked towards the exit, Burt tried to run after Lindsey, but he bumped into an old woman with a white tee shirt that read "Grandma" on it. Burt said, "Oh, excuse me miss, we didn't think this restaurant was nice enough to have a clown."

The grandmother said, "Well you see, that's why we brought our own."

Martin looked over by the grandmother, a few kids ran around holding toy airplanes and wearing pointy hats which said "Happy Birthday."

Munich Germany

March 22, 1933

University

A group of professors was packed into the dean's office.

The dean said, "Unfortunately in the past few weeks the Nazis have learned that all of the scientists in this facility were Jewish, except for a black man and another one, who is now basically disabled. They have withdrawn their support of all projects except Bosch's synthetic gas project. This means that all scientists are to catalog their findings, but afterward work solely on that project."

The group groaned, Heinz smiled, he knew that some of the experiments were just bad ideas that would have horrible consequences although he did feel sorry for some of his friends.

Oppenheim said, "Surely I could broadcast more, I don't see what that would hurt."

Smit said, "If Oppenheim gets to continue, then so do I."

The crowd of scientists all began to shout out demands of types of work, and even one said "I want a raise."

The dean yelled, "Stop it. We have to do what they want, unless any of you can find private donors, that is. Smit, do you think you can find a private donor to fund your zombies, or whatever you call it. Oppenheim do you think you can raise money to contact aliens, well don't let me stop you, but if you can't raise the money, there is no money, and without money, there is no project. Sorry. Zog get in here."

Zog flung the door open and walked into the room; a few of the scientists had to hold their breath to accommodate the extra room.

The dean said, "Zog keep these men in order."

Zog said, "Me not know what in order means, but me wanted to say how much me like working with crazy Jew scientists. You nicer even than the Gestapo. Me glad none of you did nonscientific something something so me didn't have to snap neck. I go now back to Berlin, but me miss all of you." Zog grabbed five of the nearest scientists and hugged them so hard he lifted them off of the floor. Zog started to cry and ran out of the room.

The corridors were still new, and the lights bright. Zog could tell even through the tears. Zog opened the door to his room, which was a comfortable ten by fifteen feet long. A bed and dresser sat in not quite straight angles. Zog thought, _it hard not to move things, I guess it no matter now._ The wood paneling had three holes smashed in them at some point, Zog thought, _fly, mosquito, 'nother fly. T_ hen Zog spied the ax on the counter, _me forget to pack_. He put his ax in its case, then his knife set, then his large hammer. He saw the pistol case, _now where I put?_ He opened the dresser, but nothing was in any of the drawers, but some old socks. He had filled all of the suitcases already, so he put the socks in his pockets. Then he looked in the pistol case, _it there all along. Now me remember, Zog no need pistol, Zog more dangerous than pistol._

The only thing left in the room was the necklace. Zog's gut told him he needed to get rid of the evil thing. Zog left the suitcases for now and set the necklace in his pocket. Zog walked out of the university and headed towards the back of it. The sunlit path was lined at first by a nicely manicured hedges. The trees surrounding the path were planned decades ago to grow in nice, symmetrical lines.

When the path led out of the university grounds and into the forest, the trees changed, not only how they were spaced in random places, but also their trunks seemed more twisted, and not a straight line was anywhere. After ten minutes on the path, Zog looked around to make sure no one was following him or watching him. He left the now narrow path and slowly made his way through the dense vegetation. When he was not sure if he could find his way back, then he took the necklace out of his pocket and flung it even deeper into the woods.

The necklace bounced off the first patch of green it touched, but landed in a pile of sticks which lay in the shadow of a fern. The necklace was hardly visible, and Zog was happy no one would ever find the thing. The necklace just laid there as Zog found his way back to the university and as the sun set. But then a fog approached from the mountains, and with the mists there came the distant sound of wolves and ravens. Animals seemed frightened of the fog, deer and rabbits, darted out in front of its approach.

Almost nothing was visible through the thick fog, but a pair of ancient gas-lit lanterns broke through. Horses became visible next pulling a red and gold painted wagon. Intricate carvings were cut along the sides, and the wagon seemed to ride not on the undergrowth of the forest, but on the fog itself. A gypsy dressed in black and gold jumped down from the horse and picked up the necklace.

The gypsy said, "Now you will return from whence you came." He got back up on the wagon and whipped the horses into action until it disappeared into the mists.

Munich Germany

April 1, 1933

Police Station

The rows of cells were empty except one, which held Eva Braun. The lieutenant sat at his desk thinking. He was not sure he would be able to convict her, and holding her was not popular with the Nazis, but he had to hold someone for the murder. There were other political parties in Germany anyways; he couldn't keep them all happy.

A man walked into the police station, he wore a smart business suit, but his hat was wide and made out of a red silk like material. His moustache curled up on each side over a short goatee. It was the mayor, who said, "You foolish bumpkin, you have made me come down to the station in person. You know how I hate to associate with the riff raff down here."

The lieutenant was about to say there was none there but thought better of it, "Mayor, I can take care of whatever you need so you can get back home in a jiffy."

The mayor said, "We cannot keep Eva Braun locked up, we have no proof against her, get that other woman back here."

The lieutenant said, "We had less proof against her, I only kept her in as long as I did to keep the Nazis happy. If you want me to let Eva Braun go, I can do that."

The mayor said, "Yes, you can do that, but get the other woman back."

The lieutenant said, "I don't think she's around anymore."

The mayor said, "You find her and get her back here, we can't let the murder go unsolved."

The lieutenant said, "Eva Braun's fingerprints were on the weapon, she had powder burns on her hands. I wanted to arrest her right away. There is no evidence other than the word of the probable murderer that the other woman was involved at all."

The mayor said, "I don't care about all of that, release her and find the Lindsey woman."

The lieutenant said, "Yes sir."

The mayor said, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

The lieutenant said, "You mean right this instant?"

The mayor said, "Yes."

The lieutenant fished the keys out of his desk and unlocked her cell. He said, "Have you been listening?"

Eva said, "Yes."

The lieutenant said, "So you know you're getting released, I just need you to sign this form. He went to the back to a row of filing cabinets and returned with a manila folder. He took a form out of the folder and said, "Sign here and here and you are free to go."

Eva signed, and then she turned to the mayor, "Are we going to be late for the opera?"

The mayor blushed, "No, I don't think so." He turned back to the lieutenant and said, "You are being demoted to sergeant. The higher ups wanted to make sure it happened today. They said you would know what it meant."  
The new sergeant was stunned. "This seems like such an overreaction, I have done nothing, nothing."

The mayor said, "And that is the problem." The mayor and Eva walked to the door together and before he opened the door he said, "I'll do this now so no one important sees me."

Eva said, "What do you mean?" and then she jumped a little as her butt was pinched, then the two scurried outside.

Outer Space

April 5, 1933

ish

Mike cleared what was like a throat trying to get the captain's attention. The captain was trying to hang jello molds of butterflies on strings around the cabin. Two inches of different colors of jello, bananas, and grapes lay on the floor, and the windows were spotted with splashes of the treat. Finally Mike said, "Captain, your attention please."

The captain turned and said, "What is it blobby, can't you see I'm doing something important. I have to hang the butterflies in just the right position to show off my ninja skills."

Mike said, "Don't call me..., never mind. While I know how important being a fruit ninja is to you, there are a couple of things which I thought I should bring to your attention."

The captain looked at the butterfly, threw it up in the air and tried to whip it, but missed, then he tried to kick it with a tentacle, but also missed, the butterfly bounced off the other jello on the floor, and was only slightly damaged. The captain's inertia from his attempted kick made him slide forward a few shaky feet. "OK, I'm ready now."

Mike said, "It is amazing we have conquered worlds isn't it? Anyways, one of the crew, a blobby mc blob blob, has discovered that jello is actually edible."

The captain cocked his head, "What, that's crazy. I never would have guessed it."

Mike said, "I know, it certainly doesn't look like food, but it does make sense why the Aulterians would have so much on their spaceship if it was edible."

The captain said, "This is wonderful, we have plenty of jello. Wait a minute, who is this blobby mc blob blob, is that his real name?"

Mike said, "That is not his actual name, but I can keep track of those details for you. You probably wouldn't remember anyways,"

The captain said, "No, tell me his name."

Mike said, "His name is Joe."

The captain said, "You were just being modest, congratulations Joe."

Mike said, "My name is Mike, not Joe."

The captain said, "Are you sure, I could swear you were Joe."

Mike said, "No captain, how long have we worked together and you can't remember my name."

The captain said, "But you look a lot like Joe."

Mike said, "No, I don't Joe has that birthmark that looks like an arrow between his tentacles."

The captain yelled, "That's Joe? He's absolutely hideous. I don't see how he can even stand to look in a mirror."

Mike said, "See why I'm offended when you call me Joe."

The captain said, "Can we trust this information about jello coming from him?"

Mike said, "I don't think his physical appearance will affect eating jello."

The captain said, "Just feed it to another person first before we all start eating it."  
Mike said, "Sure, we don't all want to look like we have had an arrow shot through our heads." They both laughed and Mike continued, "The other thing is that we are very close to the signal, we should be able to pick it up in just a few hours." Mike walked over to the main window and wiped jello off of it with one of his tentacles, "I think that radio waves are usually invisible, but this glass makes them visible, you can see how close the signal is now."  
A light pulsed outside in a steady rhythm. The captain felt almost hypnotized by the light, not only was it beautiful, it also represented a chance for some real excitement instead of jello butterflies. He watched for ten minutes, but when the light quivered and then fell away to the side and disappeared.

The captain yelled, "Mike, the radio signal is gone."

Mike scuttled over to look out the window, the captain was right, there was no signal. They would have reached it in less than a day. If they knew how to operate the spaceship fully they might have been able to read the signal anyways. Mike's tentacles gave out under him and he lay in the jello crying.

The captain said, "Blobby, pull yourself together, are you a man, or a blob?"

Mike spoke through the tears, "I am a blob, but even with that I don't know if I can face the future. My life expectancy is another 800 years, and I'm going to have to spend it eating jello and being called blobby. This whole place is sticky now, I wanted to get out and see the sites, eat a few people before I died."

The captain lay one of his tentacles on Mike's shoulders and said, "Me too. Man, now that I think of it, this really blows chicken noodle chunks." He slid down next to Mike and wondered how long he should sit there. His mind wandered, and he thought to himself if they could make a jello mold of a moose.

New York

June 15, 2015

Bar

Martin looked around at the bar that he and Lindsey had chosen. It was a very large bar, lit by neon signs for Budweiser and Schultz; It also contained a large window which they sat next to. The bar's tables and chairs were made of wood etched with old-fashioned designs. The frame around the large window was meticulously carved into eagles and other designs. While it was too early for there to be many people in the bar, there were a couple people who were dressed casually, but there were also a few in business suits and skirts. The window outside showed a park of some sort, although it wasn't one that Martin recognized. Three men drug a huge roll over to a series of scaffolds.

Martin said, "I am so glad to hear American music again." On the radio Accept played 'Up to the Limit."

Lindsey said, "I am really glad to be back home, although I swear this beer tastes different than what it used to taste like."

Martin picked up an odd aftertaste in his as well but didn't think much of it. He would get a bottle next time instead of a draft. The workers outside had finished hoisting the roll up to the top of the scaffolds and were taking steps to secure it to the wall behind. "It looks like it's a flag their hanging. What a great time to come back."

Lindsey said, "Oh, you're right it is a flag."

Martin asked, "What do you want to do next?"

Lindsey said, "I did need a drink after all of that, but I just feel like taking a nice, long shower, and getting into bed."

Martin said, "Sounds good to me too. You know I can't wait to have a cheeseburger."

Lindsey smiled, "What about a nice milkshake?"

Martin said, "Yes, that sounds great." He fumbled in his pockets looking for his wallet but found a flower there instead. He pulled it out, it was the yellow flower the little girl had picked. "I know this sounds incredible, but I picked it up while we were moving through time. I saw this little girl that looked liked she was being captured by Nazi, but there isn't any way that could happen now, is there?"

Lindsey said, "That is very odd, it has to be the current reality, but there are a lot of evil things which happen in the world."

Martin said, "I suppose." He took a sip of his beer and looked back out the window. The workers had gotten the flag unfurled about half way, but there was something odd about the flag. He could faintly hear the workers shout, and they pushed the flag off of the scaffold to make it easier to work. There was no mistaking it, there was a swastika on the middle of the American flag. "No."

Lindsey said, "What?"

Martin said, "Lindsey, there is a swastika on the flag."

Lindsey looked over, and a look of sad confusion ran over her face. "This has to be some sort of joke, we killed him, we killed Hitler, the Nazis should be gone from history."

Martin said, "Except there was more than one Nazi. Hitler attacked Russia when they were allies, he wasn't a good strategist, he was overconfident. Maybe his replacement wasn't."

Lindsey said, "How are we going to find out if this is real without getting shot."

Martin said, "Excuse me, sir, to a man close to them who was dressed in a suit."

The man said, "Ah yes, what can I do for you?"

Martin pretended to be drunk, "I know this is probably a stupid question, but I think I might have bumped my head, anyways can you tell me, is that the regular flag now?"

The man looked up and saw the flag, he curtly said, "No one likes the Nazis, but you had better not say things like that in public, the Gestapo are all around. Good day." and then he strode out of the bar.

Lindsey said, "Oh snickerdoodle."

Martin slammed his fist down, "Flying nuns of Glasgow. This is horrible."

End of book one.

Credits

Cover picture of Hitler is from the German Federal Archives

Cover picture of zombies is by artist Teujene

Cover picture of UFO is a public domain photo
Notes

Fritz Haber is an actual Jewish scientist who was very patriotic because he thought Germany was very progressive to Jewish people. He invented the things attributed to him in this book, and was allowed to remain a scientist after the Nazis came to power since he was in the German Army during the First World ar. He was heartbroken though and left for England. I don't have any information that would suggest he was full of himself, but this book is a comedy after all.

This book is also available in print from most retailers
