Jen did what?
She moved.
She moved.
Yup.
To Azerbaijan.
Yeah
She moved to Azerbaijan?!
Okay dude, you're not gonna get a different answer.
What the hell happened?!
We went over there to try and talk to her.
But she didn't answer the door, uh, David did.
Yeah.
Who the fuck is David?
Oh you know that super creepy neighbor
with the stiff sock collection.
And he said that Jen came home on Sunday super frantic, packed a bag, had him adopt Mary Poppins
and then just left.
When is she coming back?
Apparently it was a one-way ticket.
I---okay, so...
Jen and I have sex and then she hops on the first flight across the Atlantic because what?
My vagina terrifies her too much?!
Dude, real talk.  No vagina's that terrifying.  I'm sure yours is great.
Bro!
What?!  I'm just saying, she has to have more confidence in her vagina.
Vag confidence is an important thing!
I'm sure that Leslie has plenty of confidence in her vagina.
No, she could definitely up the vagina confidence a little bit.
Oh, my god! Stop talking about my vagina!
Okay, look on the bright side she probably
isn't ignoring you.
She just hasn't been getting your messages!
[Phone Rings]
Please leave your message for...
[Phone Rings]
Please leave your message for....
The number you've dialed has been changed, disconnected...
Okay now she's ignoring you.
Hey you ever think about the fact that
eggs are just chicken periods?
What?
Eggs.  They're chicken periods.
No they're not.
Yeah, they're unfertilized eggs being expelled from a body.
Chicken periods.
Please don't ever talk to me again.
What I'm just making an observation
Yeah and it's disgusting.
[Phone Text Message]
It's your mother, she wants to know if you want more underwear from Costco.
They're having a sale on the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
Give me my phone back!
You need to not stalk Jen.
I'm not stalking Jen.
I just...someone needs to talk to her.
I mean, when was the last time you tried?
Last night.
Okay so try again.
Dude, I love you dearly, you know that.
But this is 72 hours of borderline obsessive.
The sex with her could not have been that magical.
I'm not being obsessive...
[SURE BRO]
I just think we need to consider the fact that the reception might not be the best between here and Azerbaijan
How are you not more concerned?
Jen is a grown-ass woman I mean for all
we know she's like had this trip planned for weeks.
Please she plans second by second itineraries for beach trips.
Okay if she'd had this plan we would have known about it.
[Phone rings]
Jen!
Where are you?!
Farming?!  What is WOOF-ing??
I don't care if I'm disturbing the other volunteers!
Jen you need to come home!
Yes you do!
Jen we had sex.
Yes we did.
You need to---!
The fuck is WOOF-ing?
She hung up on me.
Well, you were kind of rude.
Dude!
She's like freaking out or whatever.
She up ended her life, Paulie!
I mean what about Mary Poppins? That cat is codependent.
There's like no doubt in my mind that she's gonna come back.
She has to.
You just gotta give her some time and space.
This isn't how any of this was supposed to go.
What? Did you think that you guys were hook up one time and then live happily ever after?
No, I just...
Being with her was so validating
And I just...feel like I've ruined it.
You didn't ruin anything.
Yes I did!
Is this what I get for not liking Tegan and Sara?
'Cause that's fucked up.
Dude, you need to relax.
When was the  last time you masturbated?
I had sex last week.
So
You need to take care of yourself, dude.
Light some candles, draw a little bath.  Play some music. Get some wine.
Do you.  Literally.
It's like they say:
An orgasm a day keeps the stress at bay.
No one says that.
Sure they do.
But seriously.
Rub one off.
Ugh, oh my god, that's disgusti-
And no thinking about Jen. Or Alex for that matter.
Then who am I supposed to think about?
Celebrities.
Like a normal fucking human being.
You texted her, didn't you?
Yes.
What did she say?
That if I try calling her again she's gonna change her number.
Where are you going???
To get you some booze.
you
