- Up next, recently
disgraced movie trailer star,
Sonic the Hedgehog, will
square off with the face
of everyone's most
hated and most used app,
the Twitter bird.
-[Sonic] Who here is excited to see me?
(audience booing)
-[Twitter Bird] Like to cancel, retweet to kill!
- Both! Both! Both!
Wow, the crowd is chomping at the bit
for this matchup between
the poorly designed face
of bad video game adaptations
and the physical manifestation
of internet outrage culture.
And it wouldn't be possible
without tonight's sponsor, Elon Musk.
Elon Musk, "Now do I seem cool?"
(bell ringing)
- Wow, this does not seem
like the same hedgehog
we all used to know and love.
Twitter bird just dodged that spin dash
faster than Jack Dorsey
sidestepping accountability
for hate speech on his platform.
- Ow! What the heck, man?
- I'm just doing what the masses want.
And reconstructing your face!
- [Announcer] Whoa, folks,
Sonic just made himself
a set of brass knuckles.
- Impact is only for
verifieds, hashtag has-been.
Now, time for me to
live off the Internet's
collective fantasy and kill you.
- Ahhh! I'm tapping out! Stop!
(Twitter bird chirping)
- This asshole lives at (beep).
East (beep) Avenue in Burbank.
(audience booing, gasping)
- Holy moly, Sonic just got doxed.
Everybody should go there now
and light his ring collection on fire!
(audience cheering)
- [Announcer] Oh my god,
is that another Sonic?
- Leave him alone tweety bird!
- Fuckjerry, is that you?
- No, but that's somebody you should kill.
Right now though, there's an emergency!
President Trump just misspelled dog!
- Huh, I guess Twitter
bird had more important
matters to tend to.
- Thanks, Sonic.
I still hate you.
(audience gasping)
- [Announcer] That's been
Shadow the whole time!
- Don't you think you took this all
a little too far, Shadow?
- No. I had an absolute blast
making the whole Internet mad at you.
And now I'm excited to find out
if they even care when you die!
- Here I go!
- Sonic boom!
(Sonic crashing)
(audience cheering)
- There you have it folks,
in what started as a battle
between bad video game adaptations
and Internet outrage culture,
the real winner today was teamwork.
Thank you all for tuning in.
And remember, Elon Musk,
"Now do I seem cool?"
Ugh. Good night!
(rock music)
