Anything Indian people can do I can't do I'm always impressed whenever you do something intelligent like computers. I'm shit on a computer
 
I'm not good... Are you good on a computer, Edward? You're Chinese, you better be going computer you
You f*cking making them all day the least you could do is be good on them. I mean
Well you work with a computer for a living yeah, so yeah
What do you prefer a PC or a Mac?
I prefer PC.
PC, right. That's how you know you're good on a computer.
People don't believe me when I say I'm not good on a computer. Like, "You're an Indian."
"Supposed to be good on the computer."
An Indian guy going he's not good on a computer is like a black guy going, "I ain't got no rhythm."
PC. That's that's that's the show-off. You know that's a "Ya, I know how to get on a computer and avoid diseases."
I use a Mac because Mac's are stupid people friendly.
I am a stupid people.
The real reason I use the Mac is because I go to a lot of questionable websites
Look, what I'm trying to tell you is
If you're going to surf porn on a mac.
Surfing porn on a mac is like having sex with a condom on. You know, you're like, "I don't care what she has."
"Hehehehehehehehe"
"I'm not gonna get anything."
Surfing porn on a PC is like raw doggin a hooker, you know?
"Oh my god, it feels good but I'm scared."
"I'm so scared."
"Oh my god it burns when I download."
You know the worst day in my life is the worst day in
My life is when I have a problem with my laptop and I have to call the 1-800 number on the back of it
I don't care that. They've outsourced the call to India that actually makes me happy
Part that bothers means that that guy in India knows who I am
I call up. I'm like ''Yeah I have a problem my laptop.'' "Okay sir. and your good name?"
I'm like ''I'm sorry?'' "Your good name."
My good name?
What is that, my password? You want my password?
"No No, sir. Your good name. Your good name."
"F*ck, the f*ck is my good name?"
"Sir, your surname, your family name." Oh, so why don't you say so? Uh, Peters.
"Okay. And your *jibberish*"
What's that?
"Your *jibberish*"
I... I don't have a forest name, no.
Enchanted?
I suppose if I was in the forest my name would be lost. What are you asking me right now?
"No no, sir. Your first name...your first name." What the f*ck is my *jibberish* What is that?
Slow it down buddy. "Okay sir, your fir... " That's the same f*cking thing.
"Sir the name you use on a daily basis."
Oh. haha, Sorry, man. Russell.
"Okay. Haaa!"
"No Wayyyyyyyyyyy."
"Is it really you?"
I'm all proud. I'm like, yes yes, it is. He goes:
"Well well well..."
"...all those jokes you made, huh?"
"Now who needs help, huh?"
"Okay, bastard. Here's what we're going to do."
"I am going to mirror your computer."
You're going to what? "Mirror your computer."
You're going to mirror my computer? What does that mean?
I'm going to gain full access to your laptop... remotely."
Oh really, and how do you think that and then I just see the mouse moving around on my screen?
I'm like what the hell happened. He goes. I have gained full access to your laptop
"Let's quickly go through your history." You know what let's not go through my history, how about that?
"Well well well... Lusty Grandmas."
It was a pop-up. "I'm sure it popped up just fine, huh?''
"'Seems to pop up 3-4 times a day!"
