 
## Introduction to Children's Ministry

###### By Victoria Feazell and Ted Johnston

###### Copyright 2015 Grace Communion International

###### Scripture quotations, unless noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The "NIV" and "New International Version" are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

###### Cover artwork: <https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ec/> Children%27s_Dental_Health_Month_DVIDS368662.jpg

######

Table of Contents

An Introduction to Children's Ministry

Emphasis on Ministry to Children

Seeking Lost Children

Nurturing Believing Children

Stages of Development in Children

Equipping Children for Ministry

Principles of Effective Children's Ministry: BRING the Children

Bless Children With Jesus' Love

Relate to Children at Their Level

Involve Children in Your Life

Nurture Children in the Way of Jesus

Give Ministry Opportunities to Children

Mom, I'm Not Sure There Is a God!

Train Up a Child...

How Are You Today?

Go Ahead – Spend, Spend, Spend

Washing Your Children in the Word

Two Peas, Same Pod?

Parenting "Do Over" for Grandparents

Jesus Loves Them, This I Know

Our Children's Heroes

The Gift

My Mother's Prayer

About the Authors...

About the Publisher...

Grace Communion Seminary

Ambassador College of Christian Ministry

###### ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

## An Introduction to Children's Ministry
### Introduction

Children are a blessing from the Lord. With these blessings also come responsibilities. As stewards of God's children, parents are responsible for helping children grow physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Churches have a responsibility toward children, too. We want to provide an environment in which children are safe, are taught at an age-appropriate level, and are encouraged to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.

We minister to the spiritual needs of our children through a children's ministry program. The need for this program is evident in that many young people reach adulthood and decide not to follow Christ. They had not been prepared to accept him as their Savior. One reason for this is that some churches do not have an effective ministry to children — do not have a program to help them receive Jesus into their lives.

If we are to have a healthy future, it is essential that we have a viable children's ministry. The purpose of this paper is to help churches develop an effective children's ministry. This paper will not only give a general introduction, it will also address some specific needs. The bibliography lists a variety of good resources for additional information on children's ministries.

We will begin by discussing the purpose and goals of children's ministry. These give an overview of what we are doing. They also give us a standard for evaluating the effectiveness of the programs we have and whether or not to add other activities.

### Chapter 1: Why a Children's Ministry?

### Church growth

The church preaches the gospel of Jesus Christ. We strive to deliver the message and to provide an environment in which it can be favorably received. Christians rejoice when people believe the gospel, accept Jesus Christ into their lives, and become part of his body, the church. We rejoice when new converts are added to the church, and we rejoice when potential converts begin to attend.

Donald McGavran, in _Understanding Church Growth_ , comments on three types of church growth: biological, transfer and conversion. "Biological growth derives from those born into Christian families. The world is littered with tiny static denominations that obtain chiefly or solely this kind of growth." Biological growth is good, but it is slow.

McGavran defines transfer growth as one congregation's growth happening at the expense of another's. This may occur if Christians search for a new fellowship in their community; it may also occur if they move from one city to another. This type of growth is not negative, but it does not add anyone to the body of Christ. The "growth" may be temporary, too, because members may move again.

The third source of growth is conversion, which allows Jesus to be spread further into the community. Conversion occurs when those who do not know Jesus come to know him.

In previous decades, most of our growth was biological and transfer. Many of our members came from other churches. Our young people were exhorted to continue to support the church when they became adults. "Staying in the church" was often given more emphasis than having a relationship with our Savior. We did not always see that children must be nourished spiritually if we expect them to stay with us. We wanted children to stay with the church, but as a church, we did not do much to achieve that goal other than to lay the burden on the parents.

An effective children's ministry will facilitate church growth through biological growth, transfer growth and conversion.

### Role of a strong children's ministry in church growth

**Externally:** A children's ministry that is active and planning ahead has a great opportunity for activities that assist the church in spreading the gospel. Children of non-Christians can be invited to activities without feeling threatened. If the activity is offered without charge or with minimal charge, parents will be more willing to take their children. This is a nonthreatening introduction to the church. Children can make friends, parents can make friends, and the non-Christian friends can be invited to additional church activities, such as small group meetings and worship services.

Children's ministry also helps church growth by making it easier for new people to attend services. Parents will be able to listen to the messages without distractions. They will be confident that their children are loved, and that they enjoy spending time at church and making new friends. In this way, children's ministry helps evangelize parents.

Even if no children are in the congregation, it is good to be prepared for children. A church that wants to grow should pray for new people and be prepared for them. If members know that someone is prepared to serve visiting children, members can feel free to invite friends to church services. We want visitors, including parents as well as children, to enjoy the visit. We want parents to be able to participate in the worship and to listen to the sermon, and we want the children to learn something in a positive environment. This will not happen unless we prepare for the possibility.

**Internally:** Children's ministry helps the church's biological growth because it teaches children about their Savior. It gives them facts and experiences that help them learn about and respond to Jesus. The existence of a children's ministry helps validate the importance of children within the church. As a result, children feel welcomed and loved at church.

Christians need other Christians to help them grow. This is one reason Christ founded the church. Only in a community are humans led to and nurtured in the love of Christ. The same is true for children. Children's ministry brings adults and children together who might not otherwise get to know each other. This contributes to the building of bonds within the body of Christ. It also brings children together with others their own age, encouraging long-term friendships.

**Transfer growth:** Americans move on average every two to five years. For this reason alone, Christians are often looking for new fellowships. A vibrant children's ministry will be attractive to most parents. It may also be attractive to senior citizens, singles and others who want an active role in their church. Many people enjoy working with children.

### Spiritual nourishment

Children's actions are based largely on emotion. Thomas Armstrong, in _In Their Own Way_ , notes that a child learns only in the presence of either negative or positive emotions. Because of the connection between learning and emotion, a child's church experience needs to include opportunities for joyful expression of emotion. Children's spiritual life cannot be separated from their emotions.

Children who are given opportunities to be tuned in to their emotions through children's worship, associating Christianity with joy and love, will learn to be spiritually responsive. Adult worship services are often too abstract to accomplish this. Children do not grasp abstract concepts until the beginning of puberty, and even then not at an adult level. However, a child can _experience_ abstract concepts such as love and acceptance. Therefore, the church needs to nourish children through a "feeling" kind of ministry, in which children learn biblical concepts in an emotionally positive environment. The facts and the emotions work together to teach a consistent message.

### Relationship nourishment

Children need other children. They experience joy in making friends. Even infants notice the difference between adults and children. An infant will often ignore adults who come into the room, but will focus on children who enter. Toddlers are attracted to babies and other toddlers. This courtship with peers continues into adolescence and adulthood. Friendships are important.

Children's ministry can help children learn to establish and nourish friendships. It can accomplish this through the following ways: 1) Direct encouragement, such as saying, Be friendly to these children, and they will be good friends. 2) Personal examples of the volunteers as they relate to each other. 3) Grouping children of similar ages so they have the opportunity to interact. 4) Sponsoring children's activities that are open to community children.

### Church-sponsored children's ministry events

Families in the community are often willing to attend a church that will serve their children's needs. A children's ministry can sponsor events that are open to the community. These might be the community members' first contact with Christianity. A welcoming environment for their children will make them more likely to want to find out more about the church. The church will be seen as relevant and helpful. Adult volunteers and children will be helping to bring people into contact with the gospel.

### Help bring children to acceptance of Jesus

A well-planned children's ministry places its greatest emphasis on leading children to respond to Christ's love. This can be accomplished in every activity through direct and indirect methods, through instruction and example.

### Summary of why the church needs a strong children's ministry

Jesus commissioned his church to preach the gospel. Children's ministry supports this mission in several ways. The church grows through conversions of children and of parents. Many families who have children are searching for a church home. If children feel comfortable and welcome at church, the parents are more likely to come back. Herb Miller says that if a family's desire for a strong youth program is not met, regardless of other programs in the church, the family will not come back.

The church also has a responsibility to spiritually nourish all children who attend, to disciple them and help them build bonds of friendship. All the efforts have the ultimate goal of helping children build a good relationship with Jesus.

### Mission statement of children's ministry

The goal of children's ministry is to lead children toward knowing Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. To achieve this goal, we emphasize the following five areas:

 **Formal instruction,** such as occurs in children's church classes.

 **Informal instruction,** in activities such as summer sports programs, and in the emotional atmosphere involved in all activities.

 **Service opportunities,** in which children and volunteers become involved in serving the community and church members.

 **Adult Christian examples,** in which children learn by seeing. Children see how adults interact with children, how they interact with other adults, and how they relate to God.

 **Service and support for the parents.** By offering children weekly religious instruction, we also free parents to participate fully in the adult worship service.

### Chapter 2: Director's Responsibilities

Regardless of the size of a congregation, it is helpful to assign someone to supervise children's ministry. The major tasks of the director include the following:

 Choosing and coordinating a variety of activities.

 Recruiting volunteers.

 Training volunteers.

 Planning and implementing children's worship services.

 Encouraging spiritual growth of children and volunteers.

 Seeking creative methods to keep children motivated.

 Beginning programs that include community children and parents.

 Keeping the pastor informed of the ministry's plans and needs.

### 1) Choosing and coordinating a variety of activities

A successful children's ministry should be active. A director should have activities in progress and/or be planning new ones. The activities must be coordinated in an organized and professional manner.

**Choosing activities:** Directors will often be given activity suggestions by others. It is the director's responsibility to evaluate the suggested activity within the framework of the overall mission. The decision-making process works only if it includes consideration of the value of the activity as it relates to the major areas of emphasis in the mission statement.

For example, if a summer sports program were suggested as an activity for children's ministry, its role toward filling the goals should be evaluated. The activity could help the church preach the gospel by inviting community children. This activity would then contribute toward two of the areas in the mission statement. It would be a service opportunity for the adult volunteers to the community, and it would be an opportunity for the children to experience the good sportsmanship of adult Christian volunteers.

**Borderline value:** If an activity contributes toward the mission in a minimal way, its value should be weighed against 1) volunteer staffing and 2) whether another activity might accomplish the same goals with less effort. Sometimes an activity would be "fun," but other activities may better fulfill the goals and purposes of the children's ministry, as well as be enjoyable. A trip to an amusement park would be fun, but other activities might be just as much fun, less expensive, and more in line with your goals.

**Coordinating activities:** Once a plan is set in motion, much of the legwork can be delegated. The director should not be so tied down with details in every activity that he or she is drained of energy that could be used for creating future ministry plans. Although a director must be involved in coordinating some details, this is not the main job of a director.

### 2) Recruiting volunteers

Recruiting volunteers is an ongoing project. No matter how many volunteers are found at the beginning of a program, there is usually a need for more. This need stems from several causes: 1) Some volunteers are not committed to the ministry. 2) Some burn out. 3) Some move, become sick or become otherwise unable to help. 4) Some are asked to serve in other ministries instead. 5) New volunteers are necessary because of new projects or growth in numbers.

**Screening process:** The director must carefully screen volunteers. This screening process needs to include the following:

 Having the volunteer fill out an application with references. All references should be checked.

 Fingerprinting. This can be done at a local police department. A fee is usually charged for the fingerprinting, plus another fee for the FBI check. The fees may be paid by the church or the volunteers. The purpose is to see if the volunteer has any history of criminal activity with children.

 Designating someone (in most cases the children's ministry director) to maintain a file for each volunteer, with the application, worker's contract, and fingerprinting results (in some cases laws do not allow the detailed results to be kept on file; only an "OK" or "not OK" may be noted). This designated person must fill out a form to apply to receive fingerprinting results.

 Keeping all files confidential. The director and supervisors should have access to the files. Any other persons desiring to obtain file information about a volunteer must obtain a signed "release of information form" from the volunteer.

The screening process and fingerprinting serves several purposes:

 It helps protect the church and the volunteers from allegations of child abuse.

 Child molesters are usually likeable people who get along well with children. They gravitate to jobs in which they can work with children in a place where people tend to trust other people. The application process and fingerprinting discourages would-be child molesters from volunteering.

 It provides parents with a sense of security. New members and visitors don't know the volunteers, so it helps them to know that volunteers are screened.

In California, churches can apply for a license to maintain fingerprint records. Each state is somewhat different in how it deals with fingerprint records. The National Child Protection Act was passed in 1993. Screening is now widely accepted and easier to implement.

What should be done if a volunteer has a record of, or admits to, criminal activity? If the problem was child abuse or a sexual offense, no matter how long ago, then under no circumstances should the person be allowed to participate in the children's program in any way. Not as a bus driver, not as a janitor, not as a onetime helper, not anything else. Most other criminal activities, unless they are recent, are _not_ a reason to disqualify a volunteer.

**Lack of volunteer commitment:** A director must face reality when dealing with volunteers. Many are eager at the onset, but their enthusiasm decreases as the full impact of the responsibility becomes apparent. Here are some suggestions on how to facilitate volunteer commitment:

 Provide a contract that the director and the volunteer sign. Keep one copy of the contract in the ministry files; give the other copy to the worker. A sample contract is attached at the end of this paper. A contract should include:

 The length of service: This should not be more than one year. Six months is a good choice for some areas. This allows a graceful way for volunteers to quit, thus encouraging them to serve until the contract expires. It also enables the supervisor to ask volunteers who are not working out to use their talents in another more suitable ministry.

 Responsibilities: For example, one responsibility of a Bible teacher might be to arrive at a set time on teaching days. Praying for the students might be another. There should be no more than four general responsibilities on the contract. A short summary is easier to remember and helps the volunteer focus on the important aspects.

 Equipping for service: This section of the contract delineates the supporting services that volunteers can expect from children's ministries, such as supplies, training and encouragement.

 Always personally thank volunteers when opportunities arise. Other helpful gestures of appreciation include thank-you notes and dinners for the volunteers. A ministry that remembers its volunteers will be rewarded with more service hours.

### 3) Training volunteers

At the start of a new church year or whenever there is a large influx of new volunteers, the director needs to conduct a series of training meetings. These orientation meetings should include the basic philosophy and vision of the ministry and the details of what is expected of the volunteers. A portion of the time is used in covering the basics of child development and how this knowledge can be used to better minister to the children.

If no one in the congregation is knowledgeable enough to give such a presentation, look in the community for a guest speaker. A neighboring church, the YWCA or other youth-oriented organization can sometimes give leads on where to find such a person or materials. The director may wish to read a textbook on the subject or take a class in child development.

After the initial training sessions, further sessions conducted perhaps every two months will help maintain professionalism. The training sessions are also important in providing a forum for volunteers to discuss issues relevant to them. The sessions are better accepted if they are not formal lectures. Hands-on activities and role playing are valuable learning tools. Simple refreshments say "thank you for coming" and "I'm glad you are here."

In addition to providing training, the sessions are an opportunity for the volunteers to share with their peers and build Christian relationships. Volunteer bonding helps build strong teamwork. The love coming from such bonding spills over to the children and creates a positive ministry.

### 4) Planning and implementing children's worship services

An effective children's weekly worship service is important. Parental support will be either gained or lost through the environment created in the weekly meetings. The director needs to be involved in three aspects of the children's worship service: A) elements and order of worship, B) selecting coordinators and C) ongoing training and communication with coordinators.

A) The elements of the weekly service include the following:

 Praise and worship,

 Biblical lesson,

 Play and fellowship,

 Refreshments and

 Prayer.

Although all the elements should be included, it is up to the director to determine the order and time allowed for each.

B) An effective children's worship service needs a separate coordinator in the nursery, preschool, elementary, music, and special services areas. Even smaller churches benefit from having individual attention given to each age group. The nursery age group, for example, has needs much different from the elementary level. Special services include facility upkeep, custodial needs, refreshment needs, and ordering and obtaining supplies and curriculums.

### Qualities of a Nursery Coordinator:

 Friendly.

 Eager to help parents of young children appreciate the children's ministry mission.

 Interested in evangelism and aware of how the nursery supports this.

 Willing to read about child development and to be sure the staff is relating to the children in an age-appropriate manner.

 Well organized.

 Aware of safety concerns.

### Qualities of a Preschool Coordinator:

 All of the above.

 Understands that preschoolers need to learn about Jesus in a hands-on way.

 Able to motivate the staff members to know that they are a powerful instrument in helping to shape the preschoolers' first impressions of Jesus.

### Qualities of an Elementary Coordinator:

 Able to motivate staff.

 Strong organizational skills.

 Appreciates the need children have to learn about Jesus at their own level.

 Understands the classroom situation, both its weaknesses and strengths. It is important that the coordinator have some experience teaching with the curriculum being used.

 Able to motivate others to capture the mission of children's ministry.

### Qualities of a Music Coordinator:

 Enthusiasm for praising Jesus with music.

 Able to motivate others.

 Joyful.

 Understands the difference between a music program and worship music. (Children's church is not the place for choir practice. It is the place for children to learn how to praise and worship our Lord through music.)

 Able to choose age-appropriate worship music for children from nursery through elementary.

### Qualities of a Special Services Coordinator:

 Able to work well with people.

 Strong organizational skills.

 Reliable.

C) Ongoing training and communication with the coordinators helps determine whether a children's worship service will grow or wane. Coordinators and the director need to be in frequent communication. This is the primary way the director learns of needs such as staffing and budgetary issues.

The ongoing communication also sends the message to the coordinators that they are vital to the success of the ministry. It assures them the director is interested in what they are doing. It allows opportunities for the director to give input that steers the staff toward the mission in all the activities.

### 5) Encouraging spiritual growth of children and volunteers

Without spiritual leadership, a ministry becomes simply a series of church-sponsored children's activities. As the director interacts with the volunteers, it is important that the spiritual component of children's ministry is not overlooked.

A director always must be praying for the ministry, both privately and publicly. Meetings and training sessions are convenient times to pray for needs within the ministry. Prayers at the beginning and end of each training session send a powerful message about the ministry's spiritual goals. Allowing time for the volunteers to pray for needs in their particular areas is also helpful.

Encouraging prayer during children's worship service by the children and staff is another tool for spiritual growth. It is vital that children become comfortable with prayer at an early age. Prayer during children's church is one way to accomplish this goal.

Spiritual growth can also occur when volunteers learn to cooperate and work with people with different backgrounds and temperaments. When differences are peacefully reconciled, spiritual growth is occurring. When adults of different age groups and cultural backgrounds work together in harmony, children learn by example to love their neighbors. They are also learning this spiritual lesson in their dealings with other children in the congregation.

Whenever imperfect people work with each other, conflicts may arise. For the benefit of the ministry and everyone concerned, the director sometimes must take on the role of a mediator. Mediation involves hearing both sides of an issue and being patient in making decisions. Mediation also involves encouraging both parties to communicate the specific issues in the dispute and to avoid emotional comments not related to the problem. Sometimes it is necessary for one volunteer to step away from children's ministry, and it becomes the director's job to gently let this be known to the volunteer. If conflicts are resolved wisely, everyone involved can grow spiritually.

### 6) Seeking creative methods to keep children motivated

Any ministry can become stale if there is never anything new. The director should ensure that mediocrity does not become characteristic of the ministry. There are many sources available for ideas to help alleviate this problem (see the resource and reference sections at the end). Some ideas that can provide variety include:

 Have special children's church activities that are not on the normal schedule. For example, on a special week, serve ice cream before the class. Another idea is to have a special theme, such as creation week. Children could come dressed in an animal costume, and the curriculum could include discussions about creation. An outside walk might be included. Refreshments that week could be animal crackers. Teachers can plan lessons with the same theme.

 Once a month, have all the elementary children meet together for singing, prayer and perhaps a Bible video and popcorn.

 Offer midweek clubs that have a variety of activities appealing to many different personalities. In warmer months, outdoor activities are appreciated.

### 7) Beginning programs that include community children and parents

As mentioned earlier, the church needs to reach out to the community. All ministries within a church have the Christian responsibility to encourage non-Christians to respond to the gospel. A children's ministry can be a powerful tool in bringing new people into contact with Christians who can share the gospel of Jesus Christ. Not only does a strong children's ministry attract children to its activities, it also attracts parents. For example, a neighborhood T-ball league attracts children, and the children's parents can be introduced to the church through attending the games.

New parents can be reached through welcome baskets offering products useful for babies. Included in the basket might be an invitation to church. Parenting classes hosted by the church is another example of a valuable service for parents. The authors of _Parenting With Love and Logic_ (Cline and Faye, 1990) have designed a parenting course. It is an example of a course that can be used in churches. A congregation might wish to sponsor a member to become a trained facilitator. (See resources below for more information.)

Many nonreligious parents want their children to have religious education. Children's ministry can be involved in other activities with an evangelistic goal in mind. Imagination and planning go hand in hand in creating successful campaigns.

### 8) Keeping the pastor informed of the ministry's plans and needs

It is important that children's ministry work in unity with the pastor and other ministries in the congregation. In order to accomplish this, the pastor must be updated regularly. This is the director's responsibility. The pastor does not have time to regularly hear from each coordinator separately. The pastor can be updated in the following ways:

 Regular written reports.

 Written plans in which the director seeks comments and advice from the pastor.

 Personal meetings with the pastor on a regular basis. Children's ministry should not be put on a back burner. It is as important as any other ministry or program in the congregation. The director should not feel that he or she is wasting the pastor's time by asking for a meeting.

### Chapter 3: Children's Church

A strong children's worship service serves the needs of parents and children. Parents benefit from having an uninterrupted period of worship. Children are able to have a time to worship with peers and be taught with a curriculum at their level of understanding.

There are two general models for how to serve children during weekly worship services. In one model, children stay with adults through the entire worship period. In these churches, the sermons are usually shorter and the worship service is more child-friendly. This model for children's worship has not produced as much positive fruit in the lives of our youth as we would have hoped. We have tended to have our young children sleep or play quietly during worship services. An unfortunate result for some young people was that they learned to tune the sermons out.

We must do more for our children so that they may be _involved_ in worship. We therefore recommend the second model: teaching children separately either throughout the entire service or during a portion of the service. The following are some of the reasons for this recommendation:

 Children learn better when material is presented at their level. Although a child-friendly adult service might have aspects that are suitable for some children, it cannot reach all age groups simultaneously. If a presentation is targeted toward 10-year-olds, the 5-year-olds will probably not be able to understand. If it is targeted toward 5-year-olds, the 10-year-olds probably won't learn as much as they could. A child-friendly service does not help adults to the same extent as a service designed primarily for a more mature audience.

 One reason for having a child-friendly service is so children feel like they belong in the congregation. This goal can be accomplished in other ways. Classes and worship designed for children may help them have a greater sense of belonging. The children _know_ they belong because the class is designed specifically for them.  
Children and adults can be integrated for some worship services, such as when children are invited to participate in portions of the worship service. For example, children may serve as greeters and ushers, help distribute material or collect offerings. The children's choir may provide worship music. Children may be part of the worship message by performing a short skit for the congregation. Children may even give a prayer or message. The adults may need to be updated about the children's ministry itself, and one of the classes may be held for the adults to see. This will also give children a sense of belonging, and it will encourage adults to pray for and support the ministry we have to our children.

 Volunteer teachers and staff are part of the congregation. As children are given the opportunity to be in closer settings with these adults, they are better able to build intergenerational friendships. These relationships go further toward feelings of belonging than merely sitting through an adult service.

 Children have more time with their peers during the children's church time. In some cases, children would not otherwise see much of their peers, especially in larger congregations. (Most children spend lots of time with peers at school, but children's church gives them an opportunity to spend time specifically with peers from Christian homes.)

 Children have more opportunity to learn to pray in classes during children's church.

 Parents need uninterrupted worship time. Even children who sit quietly for one and half hours sometimes need parental reminders, and parents have to keep one eye on their children throughout the service. Parents are not always able to give the sermon their undivided attention and cannot worship fully. The need for children's church can be even greater for single-parent families, for families with young children, and for families with many children. If most of the childcare falls on the mother, she may be unable to listen to sermons for several years in a row.

 With a children's church, the church sends a message to the children that it cares enough for them to have a separate service. Parents have mentioned how excited their children are about coming to church when there is something just for them! The children's feelings are important to consider. If they are happy about coming to church, they are more likely to make a commitment to Christ. What better reason do we need?

### Facilities

Many congregations have special circumstances regarding the facilities they use for weekly worship: they do not meet in buildings designed for church services. This can pose some challenges, but not insurmountable ones. The following information is provided for the purpose of addressing the special facility needs. We hope that we can stimulate your thinking on this issue and we encourage you to be creative and resourceful.

Most buildings do not have enough rooms to accommodate a nursery and six levels of classrooms at once. However, most congregations have at least two extra rooms in the facility that could be used by children's ministry. The smaller room could be used for babies and toddlers; the larger room could be divided with partitions to form smaller rooms. Although one class can hear what the other is doing, there will still be a degree of privacy, and this is better than not having any classes at all. Children and teachers might be bothered by the noise of other classes, but they will be able to tune some of it out.

Another option is to take the class outside if weather permits. Children enjoy being outside and can learn in that environment.

A third option is to conduct classes in homes of members who live near the church facility. Children can be dropped off as the family goes to church and picked up after church is over. Although inconvenient, it is better than not offering anything for the children. With this arrangement, the children would not attend the adult service at all. If enough seats are available in teachers' vehicles, the children could be taken from services at a set time and brought back about 15 minutes after the adult service is over. Though not an ideal arrangement, it is better than nothing. There are several considerations if this setup is used:

 Two adults should always be present with any group of children.

 The house should be large enough that only major living areas are used. Bedrooms should not be used (so there is no suspicion of child abuse).

 For preschoolers, a portable toilet should be used in the classroom area (this can be made somewhat private by a partition). Under no circumstances should one caregiver go alone with a child to the bathroom. This means that at least four adults have to be in the house — at least two to stay with the other children in case two are needed to assist a child in the bathroom.

 First-time visitors to church should be given a flier stating the location and time of children's church. They should also be welcome to visit and stay at children's church through the entire service whenever they desire. Because the location is separate from the church, more care needs to be given to helping the parents feel secure.

 The house should be clean and tidy, inside and out.

A fourth option is to acquire the use of another facility close to the church. In some cases, free space might be available at another church or a public park. This might require some diligent searching.

A fifth option is to stagger the classes. For example, the third, fourth and fifth grades could meet the first 45 minutes, and kindergarten through second grade the last 45 minutes. In this way, the same rooms could be used for different age groups.

Another point to consider in a small facility is that the teen ministry may also need space to meet.

It would be wise for a congregation and pastor to pray that God would lead them to find a facility that serves the needs of all age groups. Children and teen ministries should be considered top priorities when searching for a facility. Even if the current facility is adequate for other purposes, if it does not serve the needs of children and teen ministries, it should be considered temporary while the search for another facility continues. When considering a new facility, a nursery and preschool area should always be part of the considerations. You will find that when new, young families begin to seek a church home, the availability of a nursery and pre-school area will be a major consideration in their decision.

### Curriculum

Many good curricula are available for children's worship and classes. When considering a curriculum, it is helpful to keep the following criteria in mind.

 Cost: An expensive curriculum does not necessarily mean it is better or worse than a less-expensive one. A more-expensive curriculum may simply provide more of the lesson supplies. For example, Group's Hands-On Curriculum has many gadgets that help make the lessons more exciting. However, the supplies can often be saved and reused, so this curriculum might be more economical in the long run than materials that cannot be reused. If a curriculum costs more than the local church activity fund can spare, the congregation could have a fund-raiser specifically for curriculum supplies.

 Focus: Does the curriculum focus on the grace of God, or on behavior rules? Does it concentrate on scripture memory? Scripture memory should be a minor aspect of a curriculum. The emphasis should be on how to _apply_ scriptures to life.

 Practicality: Is the curriculum easy to use? Are the directions for the teachers clear? This is important. If teachers have to spend a lot of time on preparation, they will become discouraged, less effective in teaching and more apt to quit.

 Presentation: Are the lessons interesting and attention getting? If the lessons are boring, the children will not respond positively.

 Interdenominational: Is the material presented in a nondenominational format? Could any Christian benefit from the material, or does it push the doctrines of a specific denomination? The material needs to be nonsectarian, so the emphasis is on learning to be a Christian rather than learning to be a Lutheran, Baptist, Methodist, etc.

 Flexibility: Does the curriculum allow for different sizes of classes? Does it allow for combining grade levels when needed? Are there alternatives if a teacher is uncomfortable with part of the lesson? Flexibility that is built into the curriculum allows more teaching freedom.

 Are many hands-on activities built into the lessons? Children learn best by doing, by participating. They learn least by listening to lectures.

### Music

Worship should involve our whole being, including our emotions. Music is an element of worship that can effectively involve our emotions. Adults need music in their worship services; music is a necessary ingredient in children's worship services, too. There are a variety of ways to include music.

**Worship music:** A music coordinator can select volunteers to work with the children during the children's worship time. One format involves the volunteers moving from one classroom to another, giving each class a 10- to 15-minute singing time. Another format is to bring the children from several classes into one area for a music session. This requires fewer volunteers and works well in smaller congregations.

The two formats can also be combined: the first can be used during most weeks, and the second format once a month. Once a month, all the children can meet together for singing and praying. After about 15 minutes, they can watch a Bible video and make a craft instead of going to the regular classes. This will give variety to the children and to the teachers.

Regardless of the format chosen, here are some guidelines for children's worship music:

 Easy to sing

 Has an uplifting positive beat

 Has opportunities for movement

A wide variety of children's music and recordings is available in Christian bookstores. Even if a congregation does not have a musical volunteer, children can be led to sing along with recordings.

### Nursery

A nursery is an important part of children's ministry. When parents of babies are looking for a church fellowship, a nursery is an influential factor in their choice. A nursery is a ministry to parents, because it enables parents to participate in church services, but it is also helpful to the babies. It gives them some social interaction, some positive exposure to Christian concepts and words, and acclimates them to the children's church environment for later benefit. It makes church more enjoyable for both parents and infants. By serving practical needs in a nursery, the church shows love toward babies in the only language they understand. Here are some points to consider when planning and hosting a church nursery:

 The following ratio of adults to children is suggested:

Infants: two children for every worker

Crawlers: three children for every worker

Toddlers: four children for every worker

2-year-olds: five children for every worker

 The room should be thoroughly checked for dirt and safety hazards. A good safety checklist is on page 119 of _Children's Ministry That Works,_ a book that every children's ministry coordinator should have (Roehlkepartain, 1991).

 The staff should be carefully trained.

 There should be a check-in and check-out system.

 Have a method for easily reaching parents.

 Babies should not be kept in the nursery for more than 10 or 15 minutes if the caregivers cannot get them to stop crying. Parents should be told that they will be notified if their baby can't be comforted. This helps alleviate the nervousness some parents feel when leaving a baby. Sometimes a baby isn't ready to be left. Parents should not be made to feel guilty about this. Nursery is a service, not a requirement.

 Nursery service should be offered beginning 15 minutes before services and extending until 15 minutes after. This allows adequate time for parents to check their children in and out and talk with other parents.

 The nursery should be cleaned every time it is used.

A church nursery is for ages 0 to 2 years. Two-year-olds can have a short biblically based lesson while they are in the nursery. (Some Christian bookstores sell lessons designed for this age group.) One-year-olds can feel the love of Jesus at church through the gentleness and kindness shown to them by their caregivers. This helps the child feel that church has some nice adults besides Mom and Dad that they can trust.

If space and congregation size are adequate, it is helpful to have three nursery rooms: one for infants and crawlers, another for walkers and a third for 2-year-olds.

Physical layout of the room: The basic areas of a nursery room are the sleeping area, the play area and the diaper-changing area. As much as possible, these areas function better if they are separate from one another. For example, a small partition can be placed between the cribs and play area. Also, the changing area supplies should be kept out of toddlers' reach.

### Preschool

The preschool needs to run as long as the adult worship service does. A short biblical lesson with a hands-on experience, plenty of play time and refreshments create enough variety to maintain a preschooler's interest.

As with nursery-age children, movement is vital to a preschooler's learning. The environment should provide adequate space for movement. Each preschool room should have at least one play item that incorporates large movements. Indoor slides and climb-on items are examples. Little Tykes and PlaySkool both sell this type of equipment. (You may be able to buy them at a yard sale. However, any items bought secondhand should be thoroughly cleaned with disinfectant.)

The following guidelines can help the preschool run more smoothly.

 The area should be childproofed. Although preschoolers are not as prone as younger children to put objects in their mouths, they sometimes do. Therefore, play items such as marbles are not recommended. All cleaning supplies should be locked up or out of reach. Further information on safety can be obtained free from public agencies.

 Friendly, pleasant teachers help parents and children feel more secure.

 A check-in and check-out system is important. Even in smaller churches, such a system provides a safety net. For example, an estranged husband or wife who does not have custody of a child might attempt to take the child out without the knowledge of the other parent.

 The rooms should be cleaned every time they are used.

 The recommended ratio is five or six children per adult. If the group is larger than 20 children, it should be divided. There should never be less than two caregivers with any size group of preschoolers.

### Kindergarten through Grade 5

Two formats can be used to schedule the elementary children's worship service. One format is to have children in class through the entire service. This allows more time to complete lessons and gives children the opportunity for more fellowship time. Critics of this format say that children need to be in at least part of the adult service so they have an idea of what happens. One response to this criticism is that adults can have special services several times a year that include the children.

Some parents feel it is important for the family to worship together every week for at least a portion of the service. There are several possible formats that can allow for this. The most common is to have children leave during services, at a prearranged time or when announced, usually before the main message. The children's church may conclude 15 minutes after the adult service does. Included in the schedule is a biblically based lesson, prayer, music, refreshments and sharing.

Some guidelines for elementary children's church:

 It is extremely important to have friendly teachers who relate well to children.

 Although a good curriculum is necessary, occasional diversions are beneficial. Sometimes group discussions not on the topic at hand lead to more important learning than the curriculum would. For example, a fifth-grade class might begin talking about bullies at school. The teacher could use this as an opportunity to get the children to discuss how Jesus would handle such people. The key here is flexibility!

 Lecture is the least effective form of teaching. A skilled teacher will lead children to find the answers themselves rather than force-feed them. Although this requires practice for most people, some do it naturally. Good teaching does not necessarily come from someone who has a teaching credential. Some professional teachers are not effective!

 Keep the class flowing. Downtime, when children wait for the next part of the lesson, can be kept to a minimum through proper planning. Supplies should be prepared ahead of time. Anything that can be done before class time should be!

### Summary of children's church

A separate children's worship service is beneficial in the following aspects:

 It allows children to learn in an age-appropriate setting with curriculum designed to serve them.

 Children become accustomed to praying in front of others.

 Adults have uninterrupted worship time.

 Children learn that church has some exceptionally kind adults who are eager to serve the youths.

Other points to remember:

 Even with limited space, a children's worship service can be instituted.

 A curriculum that includes hands-on biblically based activities helps create a fertile learning environment.

 Music is a necessary aspect of meaningful children's worship. This does not mean that electronics or instruments are necessary – voice alone can be fun and effective.

 A nursery and preschool accommodate both the children's and parents' worship needs.

### Chapter 4: Child Care for Classes and Other Church Programs

Apart from weekly worship services, churches have other adult-oriented activities. The success of such activities is affected by whether or not parents have a place for their children while attending the adult functions. It is recommended that, if possible, there be separate volunteers for this aspect of children's ministry. This is not only to avoid overworking the volunteers, it is also to let the children have contact with more adults.

The child-care coordinator plans children's activities and arranges staff for discipleship classes, Bible studies, prayer meetings, leadership meetings, etc. If not enough people volunteer to offer child care at every event, the pastor may give some guidance as to which activities are most important.

A discipleship coordinator who has the following qualities will greatly enhance the effectiveness of the child care:

 Strong organizational skills.

 A clear focus of the vision of children's ministry.

 Strong desire for visitors to be able to hear the gospel.

 Motivated to help children enjoy their time in child care.

### Chapter 5: Service Projects

As children grow spiritually, they need opportunities to serve others. The church can provide such opportunities. Two projects a year is a reasonable goal. One event might be to help someone within the congregation. For example, a fund-raiser might earn money to buy paint for someone's house. A second project could donate time or money to a cause in the community. The following points might be considered when planning service projects:

 The project should be publicly recognized at church when the children are present. This helps the children understand they are contributing something meaningful to the church.

 The project should be planned so the children are directly involved.

### Chapter 6: Clubs

Midweek clubs can be a great learning opportunity for children. Some congregations have clubs such as Boy Scouts or 4-H. These are beneficial, but a more Christian-oriented club may be more effective in bringing biblical concepts to the children of non-Christians. One such club is Awana; another is Pioneer Club.

Children 3 years up through fifth grade can experience within a club a less formal environment than worship service. Before beginning a club, consider the following:

 Will there be enough participation? In some cases, children and families are already committed to other clubs and activities, and do not desire a church-sponsored club.

 Do families live close enough to come to a regular midweek activity?

 Will there be enough volunteers to keep it going?

If the answer to these questions is yes, the time might be right to begin clubs in the children's ministry. One ready-made program is Pioneer Club, a Christian-oriented club with much of the materials included. To reduce expenses, you may wish to join with another church that already sponsors a club. By working together, the cost and staff can be shared. This can also build bridges between churches and lead to other opportunities for cooperation.

If a ready-made program is not feasible, another alternative is to plan a program locally. Here are some ideas for a format:

 Divide into three age groups — ages 3 and 4, ages 5-7, and ages 8-11.

 Recruit a coordinator and some helpers for each level.

 Give each group a fun name, such as lambs, kangaroos or fliers.

 Meet two hours each week.

 Encourage children to invite neighbor children to join the club.

 Open and close with prayer.

 Have refreshments at every meeting.

 Have at least one physical activity at each meeting.

 During summer months, the club meetings may be team sports. This can attract new members who might not otherwise be interested. By fall they may enjoy their new friends so much that they will want to continue in the club.

 Have a biblically based project at each meeting except during the summer sports program.

 Provide a craft project at every meeting. There are many craft ideas in books in Christian bookstores.

 Provide incentives, such as badges earned for each completed project and for attendance.

 Teach new games and play old favorites.

The above is merely a starting point. With a little creativity, many more activities could be planned. When planning club activities, it might be helpful to remember the following:

 Children do not want club to be a formal activity.

 Children need to have physical activity.

 Club should be designed to attract nonmembers' and members' children.

 Club should be fun for all, so a variety of activities is essential.

 Coordinators and helpers need to set a strong Christian example for the children.

 All children should be made to feel successful at every meeting.

### Chapter 7: Budget

When considering the budget for a children's ministry, many factors come into play. To convince a congregation that funds are needed, education must be given — in some cases to the pastor and in almost all cases to the members — before they will support the monetary costs.

A good rule of thumb is to budget about $115 a year per child for operating expenses (Chromey, 1995, adjusted for inflation to 2015). Start-up costs are substantial, especially for setting up a nursery and preschool.

Some congregations may want to conduct fundraisers just for children's ministry. It may be helpful to have another volunteer to coordinate the budgeting and fundraising. Children's ministry should always be given high priority in a church budget. Children are the future of the church. Helping them grow in Christ is top priority!

### Chapter 8: Reaching Our Children

How can we reach children on an emotional and spiritual level? Here are a few keys:

 Use eye contact.

 Try to learn names quickly, and be sure to greet each child by name.

 Smile and say hello even before names are memorized.

 Recognize and make a special effort to acknowledge children from your class when you see them elsewhere.

 Allow a few minutes of every session for children to share how the previous week went or other thoughts they might have.

 Be enthusiastic about what you are teaching. Children are responsive to enthusiasm.

 Let the children know that you are turned on about Jesus. Let them know both directly (by saying it) and indirectly (by a positive attitude).

 A pat on a child's back can send a powerful message that you care. A sideways hug is also effective. We cannot recommend frontal hugging or kissing, because some people associate these with child molesting. We want to alleviate fears and reduce the risk of lawsuits.

 Give positive comments concerning each child's efforts — the more specific the better. For example, "I like that picture you drew of Joseph" is good, but it would be even more effective to say, "I like the colors you chose for Joseph's coat." Children know when praise is superficial.

 Telephone children who have been absent. Let them know you missed them.

### Closing

We want the church to minister in a more powerful way to its children. This guide is not intended to be a complete resource, but rather a starting point for organizing a children's ministry. May our Lord guide your heart with the Holy Spirit as you seek to serve his children!

### References

(These were available in 1996; some are now out of print and new books are available.)

Armstrong, T. _In their own way._ Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, 1987.

Chromey, R. _Children's ministry guide for smaller churches._ Loveland, Colo.: Group Books, 1995.

Cline, F. & Fay J. _Parenting with love and logic._ Colorado Springs, Colo.: Pinon Press, 1990.

Hammar, R. (ed) Church Law and Tax Report.

McGavran, D. & Wagner, C. (editors) _Understanding church growth._ (3rd ed.) Grand Rapids Mich.: Eerdmans Publishing, 1990.

Miller, H. _How to build a magnetic church._ Creative leadership series. Nashville, Tenn.: Abingdon Press, 1987.

Roehlkepartain, J. (ed.) _Children's ministry that works._ Loveland, Colo.: Group Books **,** 1991.

### Resources

Anderson, P. _Teaching preschoolers in the Christian community._ Cleveland, Ohio: United Church Press, 1994.

Berryman, J.W. _Godly play._ Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Press, 1991.

Capehart, J. _Becoming a treasured teacher._ Wheaton, IL: SP Publications, 1992.

Chromey, R. Children's ministry guide for smaller churches. Loveland, CO. Group Books, 1995.

Clouse, B. _Teaching for moral growth._ Wheaton, IL: Victor Books/SP Publications, 1993.

Cline-Fay's Institute Inc. 2207 Jackson St. Golden, CO 80401-2317. Call toll-free: (800) 338-4065. http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Da Harb, P. (Comp.) _Early childhood tips for teachers._ Cincinnati, OH: Standard Publishing, 1995.

Golata, D., & Karpenske, N. (Comp.) _Elementary tips for teachers._ Cincinnati, OH: Standard Publishing, 1995.

Keffer, L. _Sunday school specials._ Loveland, CO: Group Books, 1992.

Pioneer Clubs, Box 788 Wheaton, IL 60189 or call (708) 293-1600. http://www.pioneerclubs.org/

Roehlkepartain, J.L. _Wiggle tamers._ Loveland, CO: Group Books, 1995.

Schultz, T., & Schultz, J. Why nobody learns much of anything at church and how to fix it. Loveland, CO: Group Books, 1993.

Stinson, B. Early childhood trends in movement development. Pages 222-236 in C. Seefeldt (Ed.). _The early childhood curriculum._ New York: Teachers College Press, 1992.

Towns, E. _Town's Sunday school encyclopedia._ Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 1993.

Towns, E.L. _10 Sunday schools that dared to change._ Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1993.

Wilkinson, B.H. _The seven laws of the learner._ Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, 1992.

Yount, C. (Ed.) _Helping children know God._ Loveland, CO: Group Books, 1995.

Victoria Feazell

### About the author

Victoria Feazell served as children's ministry director for a church in Pasadena, California. She holds a master's degree in child development, has teaching experience in public and private schools, and has been an adoption social worker. She is the mother of three children.

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## Emphasis on Ministry to Children

Proverbs 22:6 makes this observation: "Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray" (NRSV). In his book _Transforming Your Children Into Spiritual Champions,_ George Barna presents research that confirms this timeless principle. That research indicates that a person's lifelong behaviors and beliefs are generally developed when they are young—particularly before their teenage years. More specifically, Barna notes the following:

1. A person's moral foundations are generally in place by age 9. After that age, most people simply refine their views.

2. A person's response to Jesus (and the gospel concerning his life, death and resurrection) is usually determined before age 18. For most Americans, the response is set by age 12.

3. A person's spiritual beliefs are set in place when they are preteens. Those beliefs include the nature of God, the existence of Satan, the reliability of the Bible, the afterlife, Jesus Christ, the means of gaining God's favor, and the influence of spiritual forces in a person's life. The book notes:

#### In essence, what you believe by the time you are 13 is what you will die believing. Of course, there are many individuals who go through life-changing experiences in which their beliefs are altered, or instances in which a concentrated body of religious teaching changes one or more core beliefs. However, most people's minds are made up and they believe they know what they need to know spiritually by age 13. Their focus in absorbing religious teaching after that age is to gain reassurance and confirmation of their existing beliefs rather than to glean new insights that will redefine their foundations.

4. Adult church leaders usually had significant involvement in the church when they were children. Thus, those who will become the church's leaders 20 years from now are probably active in children's church programs today.

This research should be a wake-up call for all parents of children and for the church at large. The spiritual education of our children must be a top priority—with parents and the church working in partnership.

The most important role in this partnership is that of the parents. This was underscored in a survey of 10,000 young Christians who were asked to identify the influences in their lives that helped them deepen their commitment to Christ. While they listed such influences as friends, church youth leaders and personal struggles, by far the most significant influence was that of their parents.

Because parents are the strongest influence in a child's life, the church must support and otherwise partner with parents in ministering to children. Barna notes:

#### In situations where children became mature Christians we usually found a symbiotic partnership between their parents and their church.... The church encouraged parents to prioritize the spiritual development of their children and worked hard to equip them for that challenge. Parents, for their part, raised their children in the context of a faith-based community that provided security, belonging, spiritual and moral education, and accountability. Neither the parents nor the church could have done it alone.

Barna adds that it's not the size or diversity of the church's children's ministry programs that are the most important factors in the church's success in helping parents nurture their children's spiritual development. Rather, he notes that

#### The most important resource...was the amazing amount of prayer for children and parents.... Some money is required to see serious life change happen, but the more important resource is the commitment of adults to the spiritual wholeness of the children—which means sacrificing some of the emphasis upon the ministry to adults.

The issue is one of priorities. We must put ministry to children at the top of our list of priorities in our homes and our congregations. If we don't, we're robbing our children of their greatest opportunity to develop a lifelong, saving relationship with their Savior and Lord. If we don't, we're missing out on the most significant opportunity we have to multiply lifelong disciples of Jesus. If we don't, we're failing to follow Jesus' command to minister to the "least of these." We simply must emphasize ministry to the children of our members and other children within the reach of our membership.

Barna's personal view of children's ministry was altered by his research. He writes:

#### Since I became a Christian two decades ago, I have always accepted the dominant notion: the most important ministry is that conducted among adults. But the overwhelming evidence we have seen of the huge impact in the lives of kids and the relatively limited changes in the lives of adults has completely revolutionized my view of ministry. I have concluded that children are the single most important population group for the church to focus upon. Many churches may not go that far, but I do hope that they will at least consider the research findings and place a greater emphasis upon children. Such a shift in priorities could well bring about the spiritual renaissance that many church leaders have long been praying for.

Our views concerning children's ministry are being more clearly focused. Though we have always valued children, we seek to be more active and effective in ministering to them and to their parents. We want to encourage and equip the parents of children and the children's ministry leaders and workers. Let us partner together to reach the next generation for Christ.

Ted Johnston

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## Seeking Lost Children

In the previous article, we discussed the pressing need to make ministry to children a priority in our congregations and homes. This series is designed to help equip us to do just that. Whether you are a pastor, children's ministry leader or worker, parent, grandparent, or other adult or teen who is concerned about children, this series is for you. Please join me in praying that God will use it to advance ministry to children, all to the glory of our Lord.

### Mission and strategy

The over-arching mission (purpose) of children's ministry is help children come to Jesus and then mature as his followers (disciples). This mission is pursued through a four-part disciplemaking strategy:

 **Seek the lost.** Introduce lost children to Christ and assist them in following him.

 **Nurture believers.** Help believing children grow in their love for God and for people—maturing in age-appropriate ways as disciples of Jesus.

 **Equip workers.** Equip believing children to participate in ministry to their churched and unchurched friends and family.

 **Multiply leaders.** Equip older believing children to take on leadership responsibilities within children's ministry—preparing them for leadership within the church at large.

### Too young?

To help a child experience God's gift of salvation in Christ, you have to be confident that a child can come to faith and become a disciple of Jesus. I must confess that I have not always believed this. I have always deeply loved children (including my own), but I used to think that the focus of ministry to children should be on keeping them safe and reasonably well-behaved until they become young adults and could then be baptized and become Christians in the full sense.

In his mercy, God corrected my faulty understanding. Scripture and experience make it clear that children can be believers and participate in Jesus' disciplemaking ministry.

In Matthew 21 Jesus enters Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and heads for the temple courts, where he drives out people who were turning the temple area into a flea market (verses 12-13). Having cleared out these unbelievers, the way is cleared for those whose hearts were open to God, including the blind and lame (verse 14), and also young children who were crying out in worship, "Hosanna to the Son of David" (verse 15).

The head honchos of the temple (the "religious" types) were indignant—perhaps they were uptight about the noise or perhaps it was simply the presence of the children. Whatever put the burr under their saddle, it didn't bother Jesus, for he proclaimed of these worshiping children (quoting from Isaiah): "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise" (verse 16). God has ordained (appointed) young children to worship Jesus.

Jesus welcomes them: "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them," Jesus told his reluctant disciples, "for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Mark 10:14). The immediate context is Jesus blessing little children, but it would make no sense for Jesus to say that the kingdom belongs to ones like these children, if children did not, themselves, enter the kingdom.

The kingdom is open to anyone, including children, who turn to Jesus, trusting him to be their Savior (Redeemer) and their Lord (Master and God).

Part of the reason that I did not believe that children could turn to Jesus (be converted) was that I saw conversion as requiring lots of information—the sort of information that only an adult could master. Certainly, we learn information about Jesus. But as a famous theologian once observed, the essential message of the Bible is summarized in a well-known children's hymn: "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so."

How old do you have to be to understand that Jesus loves you, forgives you and is the Lord of your life? Not very old, it seems to me. And I've got evidence to back me up. Many of us have had the privilege of leading children to Christ and baptizing them as a public acknowledgement that Christ has made them his own.

Several years ago, Pastor Charles Taylor and his wife Keysha (who lead one of GCI's congregations in the Miami, Florida area) had this privilege. Their 8-year-old daughter Chakeyra accepted Jesus Christ and was baptized. Here's what Charles wrote me concerning her baptism:

#### One night a few months after our daughter had given her life to Christ, she was lying in bed. It was pretty late and I thought everyone was asleep. But Chakeyra called to me from her bed, "Daddy, could you come here please?"

#### When I got to her room she said to me, "I want to be baptized." She then said, "I've been lying here in my bed thinking, and I really feel God wants me to get baptized."

#### I said, "Really? You do? Why?"

#### She said, "I've accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, and I want to really commit myself to him in a bigger way and be a part of the church."

#### So we talked a bit, and I told her we would start baptism counseling.

#### The next morning, she said, "Daddy, can we start my baptism counseling today?" Every day after she would ask, "Are we doing our baptism counseling today?"

#### She would never let me forget. Sometimes if I was busy during the day, she would remind me before she went to bed. We counseled for a couple of months and then one day she said to me: "Daddy, I'm ready to be baptized. When can we do it?"

#### Well, we set the date, and her baptism was as great a joy to Keysha and me as Chakeyra's birth, and then her rebirth when she accepted Jesus. It was also a great encouragement to the adults and children present in our home for the baptism.

The calling of parents and children's ministry workers alike is to share Jesus with our children, and then minister to them according to their response.

### A word of caution

I guess it's clear by now how I feel about children coming to faith. But I also understand that children want to please adults and their friends and are thus easily influenced (even manipulated). So we have some cautionary policies. First, children's ministry workers are not to pressure a child to receive Jesus.

Second, we are to be sure that parents or legal guardians are fully aware of what we are teaching, including invitations to receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Third, it is our policy that preteens are not to be baptized unless a parent or legal guardian gives permission and is present at the baptism.

With these cautionary measures in place, we can reach out to children, sharing with them the greatest truth of all—Jesus and his love—inviting them to receive him and be his follower.

Ted Johnston

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## Nurturing Believing Children

The Holy Spirit helps believers grow as disciples of Jesus who are becoming more and more like their Master. This includes believing children. As youth ministry workers, leaders and parents, our role is to serve with the Spirit in this vital process.

### Love and instruction

In 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12, Paul compares his discipling work to that of parents with a child. Love is expressed toward the child (gentle care from the mother and encouragement and comfort from the father). In the context of that love is clear instruction (sharing the gospel and urging godly living). In this passage we see the environment and the content of the disciplemaking process. The environment, characterized by care, encouragement and comfort, is the positive relationship between the discipler and the disciple. The content of the process is instruction—imparting life-transforming knowledge through teaching and training.

Following this biblical model, our goal in ministry to children is to provide Christ-centered, gospel-oriented instruction in the context of a positive, loving relationship. Without the positive relationship, the instruction will not have a lasting impact. Without the instruction, even the best relationships can be devoid of meaning.

### Tailor instruction

It's essential that we tailor our instruction of children to their level of emotional, social, mental and spiritual development. In that regard, the work of child psychologists can be helpful. For example, Jean Piaget observed that children tend to develop morally according to the following predictable stages.

**Stage One: Premoral (birth to 4 years old)**. At this stage, the child obeys in response to the command of a respected adult. Though the duty to obey is felt deeply, it does not emanate from within the child.

**Stage Two: Heteronomy (4 to 8 years old).** Literal obedience to the law is all-important at this stage. Heteronomy is a form of moral realism: acts are evaluated in terms of disobedience to the law without regard for intent or motive.

**Stage Three: Autonomy (8 to 12 years old).** Reciprocity or mutual respect is the key in this stage. Justice is dominant, with intent or motive rather than law the determining factors. The influence of interpersonal relationships in moral development is vividly demonstrated in this stage.

The chart below distills the work of Piaget and other child psychologists and education specialists to provide information we can use in choosing instructional curricula and in guiding us in their use. (The chart is adapted with permission from _Hands-On Bible Curriculum, Teachers Guide,_ fall 1994, Group Publishing, Inc., Box 481, Loveland, Colorado, 80539).

Wise (and effective) teachers and parents are careful to use methods of instruction that are in sync with these developmental issues. Don't be discouraged—you don't have to be a child psychologist to be an effective instructor of children—but you do need to care about children and be sensitive to their abilities and needs.

Our goal in all this is to help children in age-appropriate ways to experience Christ and to learn about him and his way. Because children develop the way they do, young children in particular learn more through experience than through verbal instruction. But words of instruction are important, too, because such words give children an internal language with which they can talk to themselves and thus comprehend these experiences.

Ted Johnston

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## Equipping Children for Ministry

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Luke 18:16). Our passion and commitment in children's ministry is to not only to let them come, but to bend down, gently take them by the hand, and lead them to Jesus, who already is reaching out to them with open arms.

Wonderful reports come in each year from our youth camps telling of hundreds of teens and children experiencing Jesus and learning to walk with him as his disciples. This is our primary mission at camp. We also work to equip dozens of youth ministry workers to be even more effective in ministering to these precious young ones back home. This article addresses that equipping—specifically equipping ministry workers and parents for ministry to children.

Children's ministry (like all ministry, really) is about two relationships: First, as parents and ministry workers, we seek to have a loving relationship with the children. Second, we seek to help children have a devoted relationship with Jesus.

In this second relationship, we have a four-part strategy. First we introduce children to Jesus ( _seeking the lost_ ). Then we build them up in Jesus ( _nurture believers_ ). Then we equip them to minister with Jesus ( _equipping workers_ ). And then we equip some to be leaders among their peers ( _multiplying leaders_ ). In this article I'll discuss equipping children to be active workers with Jesus in his ministry in our world.

Such equipping is not merely about programs—it's about a relational life-style where we (parents and children's ministry workers) walk hand-in-hand with the children through life—focused on participating with Jesus in his ongoing ministry as we go. One might compare this equipping relationship to _apprenticeship_. The adult in the relationship is the experienced worker, and the child is the enthusiastic apprentice.

Perhaps you're wondering, "What kind of work can a child do with Jesus?" I'm glad you asked. Based on what I read in Scripture and in my own ministry experience with children, I think the answer is that a child can do a great deal.

But it seems that we adults often overlook the potential for children to be active in serving God. Remember David, king of Israel? When he was a young boy, his father Jesse overlooked him when it came time to anoint King Saul's replacement (1 Samuel 16:5-13). Jesse was blind to David's potential for this assignment. Fortunately, Samuel was open to hear from God on this matter. Perhaps that openness was related to his own experience when God called Samuel to serve him as a young boy (1 Samuel 3:1-21).

My prayer is that when we look at our children, we will see what God sees, hear what God says, and act accordingly to equip our children for God's calling in their lives. We know, in general, that he calls them to be disciplemaking followers of Jesus—working in that calling as an important part of the body of Christ, called to fulfill the great commission.

What can a child do to advance the great commission? They can contribute in meaningful and active ways. Let's think this through together. We can equip our children to minister alongside adults at church. Can a child read Scripture? Sure. Can a child help receive the offering or serve Communion? Sure.

As parents and children's ministry workers, we need to equip children for two types of ministry in Jesus' service. First is their ministry to other believers. I have seen children at church (who were clearly equipped for this), taking time to talk to an elderly member—and thus extending Jesus' loving touch to another believer. What joy that can bring!

I was visiting a congregation on the East coast and a couple of young girls about age 10 circulated through the congregation, receiving the offering in baskets. They then brought the baskets to the front and joined an adult to offer a prayer of thanksgiving. They did a marvelous job—clearly they had been equipped for this work.

In another congregation I saw children on stage with the rest of the worship team, leading the congregation in singing praises to God. In another I saw a preteen playing drums in the worship band. Someone had taken the time and paid some expenses to see that this young man was equipped to minister to the Lord and to his people in this way.

Second, we need to equip children to minister to others outside of church. One of my pastor friends tells the story of his 11 year-old granddaughter who gave her life to Christ and was being equipped to share her faith with nonbelieving friends. Early in this equipping process she entered into the ministry of seeking the lost. She passed out flyers, inviting neighborhood children to a worship service to be conducted in her front yard. Right there in her front yard she and a believing friend shared Christ with several non-churched children.

That's disciplemaking ministry, and children can be equipped to take an active part. But who will apprentice them for their part? Who will be their equippers? Parents (and grandparents), the primary responsibility is yours. The church wants to partner with you in this—equipping you for your vital job and co-ministering with you in the lives of your children.

Pastors, you set the pace for this in your congregation. Make it a place that highly values children and actively involves them in the ministry of the congregation. Often, children are mere spectators in worship services. It's great (essential, really) that the children have their own classes, but it's vital that they be equipped and then allowed to take an active up-front role in the main worship service. This sends the message to the children, and to the adults watching, that children are an important part of the congregation.

Youth ministry workers, you are called to be primary equippers of children in your congregation. Invite the children in your care to be your apprentices, and then work to impart to them the ministry skills you have developed. Make young disciples who will, in turn, make other young disciples.

All of us, let's show an active concern for every child in our congregation and every child in our lives outside the church walls. Children need our gifts of love, time and equipping.

We give to children in these ways because of Christ and for their sake.

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## Principles of Effective Children's Ministry:  
BRING the Children

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" (Matthew 19:14). We see this admonition lived out proactively in the early church. Children were such an integral part of the church in Ephesus that Paul, writing to that congregation, addresses the children directly (Ephesians 6:1-3). That Paul would do so is exceptional, particularly in a culture that viewed children more as property than as valued persons.

In Ephesians Paul wrote: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (6:4). Parents have the primary responsibility for teaching their children. For that reason, children's ministry should involve, wherever possible, ministry to and through parents.

Sadly, however, many children are missing one or both parents. To make matters worse, many parents who are physically present are either unwilling or unable to nurture their children in the Lord.

In such a setting, what can an individual Christian do to minister effectively to children? What can a congregation do? Research by the Barna Research Group indicates that 75 to 85 percent of adult Christians in North America made their initial faith commitment before age 15. Children are particularly open to Jesus and his love. It is an opportunity that the church must not miss.

While there are no magic formulas or programs, some key principles can be derived from Scripture and ministry experience, summarized in the acronym B.R.I.N.G. Together, we can BRING children into a relationship with their Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.

### Bless them with Jesus' love

Christian ministry is Jesus' love in action. Christ's love is the motive, the method and the hoped-for result. Children's ministry seeks to show Jesus' love to children, so they can know him and come to love him too.

### Relate to them at their level

God has created children to develop in a particular way intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically. For us to be effective in ministering to children, we need to reach out to them in ways that are appropriate to their stages of development.

### Involve them and Nurture them

Children's ministry is not merely programs (such as Sunday School classes and nurseries, as helpful and essential as such programs are). Children's ministry is about positive, supportive and encouraging relationships in the love of Christ.

Inside the church, we can share the life of the congregation with them, involving them fully in the church's worship, fellowship and outreach. Outside the church we can involve them in our recreation, our jobs and our hobbies—we let them see us living life as Christ's followers. In this way, they learn from us as an apprentice learns from a master craftsman.

This is Christian disciplemaking. It involves modeling and instruction—and it takes lots of time and focused attention.

### Grant them increasing ministry opportunity

Children's ministry is ministry to, with and through children. Effective children's ministries equip children to minister to others—to peers and even to those who are older. By involving children actively in the ministries of the congregation, children develop a sense of ownership, a sense of responsibility to the congregation and to its disciplemaking mission.

Many tools are available to help us in children's ministry. But no tool is more important than prayer. May we all pray that God will impress upon our hearts the high calling to BRING children to Christ. It's for God's glory and for the children's everlasting benefit.

Ted Johnston

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## Bless Children With Jesus' Love

In this series we are examining five principles for effective ministry to children. In the first article, I summarized all five using the acronym B.R.I.N.G. to remind us that our purpose is to bring children to Jesus. Each principle adds to our effectiveness in living out this responsibility. We turn now to examining each principle individually—starting with principle number one: Bless children with Jesus' love.

In the Gospel accounts, Jesus acknowledged the great value of children. In a culture that tended to ignore and otherwise devalue children, Jesus made it clear that he viewed children as people with great value in God's sight. Jesus reached out to children, welcoming them into his presence and blessing them (Matthew 19:14-15). On several occasions Jesus went out of his way to heal children (Luke 8:49-56). He was willing to be "bothered" in order to minister to children.

### Five love languages

How can we reach out with Jesus' love to bless the children in our homes, neighborhoods, churches and communities? Love is like a language—it must be spoken (expressed) and understood (received). Learning how a child perceives and receives love is essential for those who seek to bless children with Jesus' love.

Not every child speaks the same love language. In _The Five Love Languages of Children,_ Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell identify five love languages for children: appropriate physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and quality time. The book explains how an adult (such as a parent) may liberally extend love to a child using one love language, only to find that the child does not feel loved because he or she does not "speak" that particular language.

Perhaps a child's dominant, or preferred love language is appropriate physical touch, but the parents, though liberal in gift giving, are physically distant with the child, and as a result he or she feels unloved. We have to figure out how a child receives love and then reach out using that love language. One of the ways the authors give to discern a child's dominant love language is to observe how the child expresses love to others.

When working with a group of children, we will need to speak love in multiple love languages. While spending extended, quality time with them we'll offer words and actions that convey this vital message: "we care about you—you are accepted and loved by us." We can provide the children with snacks (the love language of gift giving). At times we can involve them in service projects (the love language of acts of service). We also can extend careful and appropriate physical affection (the language of physical touch), such as a pat on the back or shoulder or an appropriate, non-sexual hug. In various ways, using multiple love languages, each child can receive the blessing of Christ's love extended from a safe, caring and supportive adult.

Of course, such Christian love has to be given unconditionally. If the only time children receive attention and affirmation is when they have done something to please us, they quickly learn that our love is conditional, based on their performance. In _The Gift of the Blessing,_ Gary Smalley and John Trent point out that affirmations should be given to a child based on who the child is (a valuable and worthwhile person whom Jesus accepts and loves) rather than on what they have done, or not done. It is particularly important not to withhold our blessing when a child's performance is disappointing. In this way we model God's unconditional grace and love that is in Christ.

Ted Johnston

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## Relate to Children at Their Level

In the previous article, we looked at the principle: Bless children with Jesus' love. We come now to the _R_ of BRING: Relate to children at their level.

To be an effective missionary, we need a working knowledge of the mission field. Children are a wonderful, fruitful mission field with a refreshing openness to God and his love. In children's ministry training seminars, I ask the audience of adults how old they were when they first committed their lives to Christ. The overwhelming majority indicate that they did so in their early teens or before.

A study by the Barna Research Group confirms my informal survey, showing that 75 to 85 percent of Christians in North America made their initial faith commitment before age 15. Furthermore, this research indicates that the probability of becoming a Christian is 32 percent at ages 5 to 13. This probability then decreases to 4 percent at ages 14 to 18 and increases only slightly to 6 percent at age 19 and older. Children have a particular openness to God's love and the message of the gospel. Our challenge is to communicate the gospel to children at their level in ways they can readily understand and experience.

Now, I have to confess something. I once thought the gospel was too complex for a child to understand. But I was wrong. The essential good news (gospel) is not hard to understand at all. Rather, it's the simple (yet profound) message about Jesus—his life, death and resurrection; his love and gift of salvation. To trust Jesus to be who he says he is for us is, in itself, a childlike attribute. Maybe that's why Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" (Matthew 19:14). Children can come to Jesus in trust and belief. As adults, we have the privilege and responsibility to lead them to faith in their Savior so that they can learn to follow him.

Where do we begin? We begin where they are. That is, we begin at their level. God and his love must be communicated in ways that connect with a child. Making the connection involves a basic understanding of a child's stage of intellectual, physical, social, psychological and religious development.

You don't have to be a child psychologist to understand this, but some basic information on child development might be of great help in learning to relate well to children (see earlier article, "Nurturing Believing Children.").

### Ideas

Here are a few simple ideas about relating the gospel to children at their level. First, tell them about Jesus in ways that are meaningful to them. This is not hard to do from Scripture, because the Gospels are full of stories about Jesus that children readily relate to.

Take for example the story of the prodigal son, where the father represents God, who is lavish in his grace toward sinners (represented by the prodigal son as well as by his older brother, who despite his obedience, was envious and bitter). This story can be acted out for and by children. It can be told in dramatic form. It can be illustrated in pictures. As stories from the Gospels are told to children, the message is always brought back to Jesus, to his love and forgiveness and his invitation to follow him and learn from him.

Let me add a note of caution about teaching children from Scripture. In making it simple so children understand, don't dumb down the teaching of the Bible. Children often have far more capacity to grasp spiritual concepts than we give them credit for. With thoughtful teaching that uses vocabulary they can understand, children can grasp the basic concepts of Christian doctrine including such things as grace, sin, forgiveness, eternal life, our resurrection and the basic teachings concerning Jesus: incarnation, birth, life, ministry, death, burial, resurrection, ascension and return. Some good teaching curricula are available to help us in this teaching.

Don't forget that music is a powerful medium we can use to relate to children and to communicate to them the gospel. I love it when congregations include children in their worship music at church. I attended a church service where the worship team on stage included several young children helping a few adults lead the congregation in singing. They did a wonderful job with all of the music, but you should have seen them come alive with joy when the music was more youthful and exuberant in its tone and content.

Their joy in the Lord was infectious as they sang about God's power, love and grace. They knew all the words and they understood what they were singing and kids in the audience picked right up on the music and the message. Through music that relates, children were teaching and receiving the gospel.

We can also relate to children at their level as we teach them to pray. If prayer is sometimes a challenge for adults, it is often natural for children. They lack a lot of our adult hang-ups and self-consciousness. They have little reticence talking to God even though he is not visibly present.

I once spoke with a Sunday school teacher who, as part of her weekly class for 6-to-9-year-olds, provides a variety of stations where they go in a room to spend time with God. One involves materials for drawing pictures that illustrate their understanding of what they learned in the teaching time. Another station is like a fort they can go inside of one at a time to pray.

One Sunday, an 8-year-old boy went into the prayer fort and did not reappear for 20 minutes. When he joined the group, the teacher asked what happened while he was in the closet. His replied: "I was meeting with God. I talked to him and he talked to me." There was no self-consciousness in the reply, no religious façade, just a young boy who had been taught by a caring adult how to commune with God in prayer. So that's what he did.

The key is to use activities that children enjoy. Remember to use their names and to recognize their achievements and concerns. Show them by your facial expressions, your manner, your interest and your concern that you care about them and that they matter to you and to God. In your example, they experience Jesus and his love in action. What a blessing it is to be used of God in such an important way.

Ted Johnston

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## Involve Children in Your Life

We can involve children in the life of the church in many ways. Children's ministry programs are vital—things such as Vacation Bible School, Sunday School classes and camps—but such programs are not ends in themselves.

Ministry to children, as is true of all effective Christian ministry, is _relational._ It's about building relationships among people who are growing together in relating to God, in Christ, through the Holy Spirit. It's about people sharing together in community the life and love of the triune God.

As we've been discussing in this series, ministry to children starts when caring, believing adults, teens and older children reach out to bless children with Jesus' love. It continues as they together get involved in the lives of those children—relating to them at their level. And it develops as the third principle of effective ministry to children is lived out: together they involve those children in their lives.

Children's ministry programs are vital—things such as Vacation Bible School, Sunday School classes and camps—but such programs are not ends in themselves. Rather, they are tools to start and then grow relationships among people and with God.

We see this relational principle lived out in Jesus' earthly disciplemaking ministry. In John 3:22 we are told that Jesus took his disciples into the Judean countryside where (in old King James language) he "tarried with them." By involving these disciples in his life, Jesus was creating the opportunity through which he could "rub off" on his followers. This is ministry where the teacher (Jesus in this case) pours his life into the disciple. I urge you to approach children's ministry using this same life-on-life approach. How can you invite children to share your life in ways that interest them and that create the time and space in which you can rub off on them?

Let's think this through together. Where do you live? Well, various places. One place is at your church's weekly worship service. I hope you consistently live there. Indeed, the author of Hebrews admonished some early Christians who, for various reasons, were growing lax in this discipline: "Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works," he wrote. "And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near" (Hebrews 10:24-25, NLT).

At church we assemble to worship God—to share his life and his love together. As we do, let's involve children actively, meaningfully and fully.

We can involve children in the life of the church in many ways as it assembles. I've been to churches where the children serve with adults as ushers, where they help in receiving the offering, where they help serve Communion. I've seen pastors call children to the front of the church and, sitting down with them (getting down on their level), giving a short children's sermon—a biblical message tailor-made for the children. Kids love it (and so do the adults who are listening in)!

I've seen congregations that often have children on stage with the worship team, helping lead the congregation in praying, singing, reading Scripture and the like. This involves adults sharing their lives (in this case their worship lives) with the children—and in ways the children relate to. The net effect of this involvement is the building of relationships among the adults and children and among the children and the church and with God. The children come away feeling that this is MY church —MY God—MY family of faith.

Where else do you live? Can you involve the children you're ministering to at those places? Some of the most important "rubbing off" places in Jesus' ministry were the times he shared with his disciples traveling the roads of Judea, Galilee and Samaria. He often took them with him into the wilderness—kind of like us taking kids with us to camp. Time away. Time together. Camp ministries provide fabulous opportunities for life-on-life sharing.

What if you were to take a bunch of kids to camp with you? Perhaps you can't stay the whole time, but what if you drove them there, then picked them up and drove them home—sharing the experience with them?

What hobbies do you have? Fishing? Playing piano? Computers? How about sharing that part of your life with a child or two? Such sharing provides opportunities to cultivate relationships. As you do, you can plant into those relationships information about your own relationship with God. Look out! You may just reap a lifelong follower of Jesus who can walk with Christ right along with you.

In such sharing of your interests, you may also help equip a child for a career. When my son was about 12 or 13, a young man in our church went out of his way to partner with my son and his 12-year-old friend to teach them to program computers. Both of those young men now have careers that involve computer science. If I could go back in time, I'd teach that young mentor how he could have also shared Christ with my son and his friend as they talked computerese.

Where else do you live? Well, you get the idea. We live unique lives—with specific interests, gifts and passions. How can you share these with a child or two (or 20)? Why don't you think about it? Why don't you pray persistently about it? Seek God's direction—ask him to open windows of opportunity. Share your passion and intention with some other adults in your congregation—consider teaming up to reach out to some children together.

Remember all the appropriate cautions and safeguards in working with children. An adult should never be alone with a child who is not their own. All that you involve a child in should be appropriate legally, ethically and developmentally. But let us not shy away from reaching out—from bringing children to ourselves and with us to Christ.

I close with reminding us all that God has made children dependent upon those who are older so that those who are older may help children become fully dependent upon God. We walk in harmony with God's created order and in step with Jesus' way when we involve children in our lives inside and outside the church walls.

Ted Johnston

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## Nurture Children in the Way of Jesus

In this series we're addressing five principles for effective ministry to children. We've discussed blessing children with Jesus' love, relating to them at their level, and involving them in our lives. We now turn to the fourth principle: nurturing children in the way of Jesus through teaching.

Before we discuss the content of that teaching, let's be reminded of our motive: we teach to glorify God by loving children in his name. Motivated by God's redemptive love for children, we seek to help them become and then grow as disciples of Jesus. We teach both through modeling and instruction. In this article we'll focus primarily on teaching children about Jesus' life and love.

### The gospel

I remember well attending Sunday School as a young child. I loved the stories from the Bible about David and Goliath, about Jesus walking on water, about Jonah and the whale. But what I didn't learn clearly was the gospel of salvation by grace alone, received through faith in Christ alone. My formative religious training was more about biblical characters and events than about the joy of Jesus' life and love for me.

Because of this teaching deficit, I fell prey as an older teen to a false gospel—a gospel of behaviorism and legalism that was not really the gospel (good news) at all. But thank God he is faithful and relentless in pursuing us. He did not abandon me to deficient teaching, and by his grace I came to understand and embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So I make an impassioned plea to Christian parents, grandparents, Sunday School teachers, children's ministry workers and others who teach children: teach them the one, true authentic gospel. Teach them about Jesus and his redeeming life and love. Take them to the cross, the empty tomb, the resurrection, the ascension and promised return of Christ. Lead them through your teaching to their Savior, to his grace, and to a life in his service as stewards of that grace.

Does this sound too complicated for a child to understand? Not at all! The gospel is simple enough for a young child to understand. If we are clear and consistent in our teaching, the message of God's unconditional love always comes through. The entire Bible, when understood in the light of the gospel, conveys the over-arching message of Christ and him crucified and raised for us.

When we teach about David and Goliath, we can use that story to direct children to love and depend on their Savior, despite the Goliaths in their lives. When we teach about Jonah and the big fish, we can use that story to speak of following Jesus faithfully and about Jesus' death and resurrection to secure our salvation. In short, we teach the whole Word of God to reveal the living Word, who is Jesus.

### Where is the cross?

One of my seminary professors was fond of evaluating his students' sermons with this diagnostic question: "Where is the cross?" I recommend using the same question to evaluate teaching curricula and individual Sunday School lessons. Where in this teaching is the cross of Christ?

As teachers and even as parents, we have children for only a few precious hours each week. What will you teach them through those hours? My plea is that you teach them the gospel about Jesus. As you teach, remember not to "dumb down" the gospel for children. We want to communicate at their level of cognitive development—using words they understand and teaching techniques that capture their imaginations (for more on this, see the article "Nurturing Believing Children") — but teach them the full gospel.

Some people wonder if a young child can understand enough to be a disciple of Jesus. (They usually frame the question as "Can a child be saved?" or "When is a child old enough to be baptized?") My answer is that Jesus invites children to him—why not be his tool to help them come, to help them meet Jesus, and to help them follow Jesus?

A young child can understand being sorry for hurting others (repentance); the need for forgiveness that cannot be earned by trying to be good (grace); trusting God to rescue them rather than relying on themselves (faith); and living life in that trust through actions that express love for God and for people (Christian ethics). These are key gospel concepts that form the key components of our teaching. All sorts of biblical stories make these points in powerful, memorable, child-friendly ways that even young children can understand and embrace.

We are blessed to have an array of teaching resources at our disposal. I suggest that you visit a good Bible bookstore and spend a few hours looking at some of the teaching curricula. Many stores will let you take some resources home to preview them before deciding on a purchase. Many of the curriculum publishers provide free samples online that you can download to preview. As you evaluate these, remember the diagnostic question: Where is the cross? Jesus does not have to be the primary character in each lesson, but he should be the primary goal.

Ted Johnston

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## Give Ministry Opportunities to Children

So far we've noted that children's ministries are effective as they

 Bless children with Jesus' love

 Relate to children at their level

 Involve children in the lives of caring adults in the church

 Nurture children in the way of Jesus.

In this article we'll discuss giving children opportunities to be involved in ministry. Children's ministry is best understood as not only ministry to children, but also ministry with and through children. Effective children's ministries not only nurture children with Jesus' love, they equip children to extend that love to others.

### God ministers through children

The Lord spoke to a young Samuel, calling him to a prophetic ministry (1 Samuel 3). He chose a young shepherd-boy, David, to be Israel's king (1 Samuel 16). He chose a young virgin, Mary, to bear and nurture the Christ-child (Luke 1). These biblical accounts show that God extends his ministry to and through people of all ages—children included. Effective children's ministries nurture and equip children and give them opportunities for ministry.

### Identity in serving

Children active in ministry within the church often develop a sense of belonging within their church family that will last a lifetime. A Barna Research Group project determined that Christians who made their initial profession of faith as children tended to remain followers of Jesus throughout their lives. We help children develop this sense of belonging by involving them in the ministries of the congregation.

### Equip children to minister in your church

In the article titled "Involve Children in Your Life," we discussed ways a congregation can involve children in the weekly worship service:

Performing liturgical dance

Singing or playing musical instruments on the worship team

Performing drama (including puppetry)

Being involved in Children's Moments (children's sermons)

Receiving the offering

Ushering, greeting and parking

Caring for younger children

Giving announcements

Serving communion

Assisting with the audiovisual system

I participated in a worship service of a small congregation where children were involved doing many of the things listed above. It was inspiring to see the joy in their faces and in the response of the congregation. I spoke afterward with a 10-year-old girl who had presented one of the announcements. She did a wonderful job—speaking clearly and with conviction (I was moved to tears by a church announcement!). She was happy to be an active part of her church.

Children can serve in many ways. Older children can assist in Sunday school classes with younger children. Children can write letters to home-bound members. They can visit nursing homes. The possibilities are nearly endless, but the principle is this: equip and then accompany children as they participate in the ministries of the church.

### Conclusion

As we conclude this series, I challenge all of us to consider how we can make ourselves more available to the Holy Spirit to BRING children to our Lord and to involvement in his service.

 How can you bless children with Jesus' love?

 How can you relate to children in your church at their level?

 How can you involve children more fully in your life and in the life of your congregation?

 How can you help children be nurtured in the way of Jesus and in the truth of his gospel?

 Finally, how can you work to give children ministry opportunities within your church?

I pray that God will show you how, and that as he does so, you will respond with passion and persistence.

Ted Johnston

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## Mom, I'm Not Sure There Is a God!

My 17-year-old daughter has continually surprised me from the moment she was two minutes old—when the attending medical team commented on her unusual mental sharpness. I say this not just for bragging rights, but to provide a backdrop for what she has always done—pondered mature philosophical ideas. I should have expected it, then, when I suggested she pray about her prospective college scholarship awards, and she said to me: "You know, Mom, I'm not sure there is a God."

As a clinical therapist, I've been trained to develop a therapeutic visual facade—known as "game face" in sports circles. Upon hearing her declaration of considering atheism, I went instinctively into a calm, emotion-free, therapy face. But on the other side of my game face was panic face—aaaagggghhhh! How could my daughter question God's existence? OK, breathe... breathe... relax! Stay calm... breathe!

After stabilizing my oxygen intake, I managed to morph back into normal mode, the calm and understanding Mom who has so often helped her child walk through life's difficult issues. "So dear, how did you come to that thought?" Alexis proceeded to paint a picture of inconsistencies between what she had been taught and believed God was supposed to be like, and that he actually did not seem to be measuring up historically, globally and personally. As usual, she cogently blended logic with 17-year-old experience.

Being the dutiful, though slightly panicky Mom, I thought it best to ask her general questions about her previously held proofs of God's existence as well as provide her with what I believed to be some helpful direction. I proposed to her that faith is always a personal experience, and one human cannot establish belief for another. I told her she would have to discover her own experience of God, and that if she was willing to prove that he exists, then he would surely provide her a unique assurance of his existence.

She reminded me that my reasoning was flawed because any scientist worth her research knows that you cannot prove that something exists; you prove what does not exist based on the absence of certain traits in your subject matter. What?

Knowing my child's personality, I have learned it is best to challenge her thinking, or debate with her, only if she initiates the dialogue. Since she was not asking me for proof or assurance, I told her that I appreciated the fact she was willing to share such a huge personal struggle with me. I assured her that, if she decided to discuss more about spiritual paths, I would gladly do that with her.

That conversation stayed with me for the next several days, and I added her need for clarity to my prayer list. I realized that praying about it would be the most powerful action I could take. Next, I realized that the things I said to her—even in game face—were wholly correct. She needed to know that she could ponder the most monumental concept of humanity and that she could rely on me to support her.

I don't have to agree with her or like it, but she would not benefit from the pressure of an upset parent. She, like most of us, needs the freedom to not believe in order to make the journey toward believing. It's the age-old parenting technique used with your toddler who has learned to say no. You provide options instead of choosing for them: We learn to ask the small child who refuses to wear a shirt, "Do you want to wear the green shirt or the blue shirt?" This has always worked well between Alexis and me.

The other part of my realization was that, once again, my own faith is being challenged. I need to trust that God holds my daughter as lovingly in his hands as I have always experienced him in directing my own life's journey. After all, he blessed me by allowing me to give birth to her and rear her, but ultimately she belongs to him. It is his desire that none should be lost, but each person's journey is a unique path toward him.

As a parent I always wanted two things that were mutually exclusive: 1) the _best_ for my children; and 2) to shield them from any pain or hurt. Unfortunately, if a person ever made it from birth to age 18 with factor number two ruling the day, he or she would not be equipped to manage mature, productive adult life.

So while on one hand I would love for Alexis to have already arrived at that amazing place of believing with certainty that God exists, I know that merely accepting that without the process of struggling through her doubts would rob her of the rich experience and lessons that will someday make him a reality to her.

On the other hand, I also know God's love for Alexis, and I can rest in faith that at the right time he will make himself irrefutably known to her.

Rose Huff

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## Train Up a Child...

Most Christian parents want nothing more than for their children to know Jesus Christ. For years I read several scriptural passages that informed my approach to parenting. For example, Deuteronomy 6:7, in the context of the commandments that God gave to the Israelites after their exodus from Egypt, says "Impress them [the commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

Proverbs 22:6, in my understanding at the time, put a great deal of pressure on parents, for it said, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

Such passages convinced me that my children's commitment to Jesus was squarely a function of how I trained them. Only if I did my job well would my children "not turn from" the way they should go. What pressure! I had better get this Christian parenting thing right!

### Is it really all on you?

But is a child's eternal relationship with God truly a function of parental or caregiver teaching? Some parents work with their children from a young age, reading from the Bible, praying with and for their children, exposing them to multiple church activities and functions, ensuring they attend camps and mission trips, exposing them to passionate and gifted youth ministers, only to see their children dismiss Christianity as adults.

In my ministry of some 30 years, much of it focused on working with children and adolescents, I have been approached by numerous "model" Christian parents who harbor guilt and shame because despite having faithfully followed all the "right" childrearing principles, their children reach adulthood with no interest in developing a relationship with Jesus.

Early in my ministry I would have concluded that such parents had not done a good job of bringing up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). No matter how devoted they had been, I would have thought, if they had truly done their jobs, their children would automatically grow into committed Christian adults.

### Parental role

Research shows that many who enter a committed relationship with Jesus did so before the age of 13. George Barna's research in 2004 (www.barna.org) indicates "that nearly half of all Americans who accept Jesus Christ as their savior do so before reaching the age of 13 (43%), and that two out of three born again Christians made that commitment to Christ before their 18th birthday." Barna's research also shows that "among Christians who embraced Christ before their teen years, half were led to Christ by their parents, with another one in five led by some other friend or relative."

Parents clearly have an important role, but that does not change the fact that faith is a personal matter, one that all individuals must decide on for themselves.

The words of Paul in 2 Timothy 3:14-15 are of interest in this context: "But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus." Parents clearly have an important role, but that does not change the fact that faith is a personal matter, one that all individuals must decide on for themselves.

### At what age can children begin trusting in Christ?

Many Christians believe that children must be a certain age before they can truly understand the gospel message of Jesus. In my early ministry I was convinced that pre-adolescent (and even adolescent) children were not mature enough to make a commitment to Jesus. I expected young people to be of a certain age, and even then, I emphasized their need to "produce fruit in keeping with repentance" (Matthew 3:8). I couldn't imagine a child even knowing the full ramification of what "repentance" means.

What is repentance? Several years ago, my wife shared an experience with me regarding a time when she was working with relatively young children in a children's ministry. She said that when a small boy, around the age of 6, was asked about his commitment, he simply said, "I choose God." Wow! What more needs to be said with respect to repentance?

One of the great moments of my life was watching one of my sons, early in his teen years, kneeling with a friend and taking communion. It was a moment I will never forget. Could it be real? Could it be lasting? He seemed too young.

### The will and work of Jesus

Peter says in 2 Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." This is the same Peter who said in Acts 15:11, "We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are."

Grace is the work of Jesus, not the work of parents. Parents are flawed. We make mistakes. But grace covers those mistakes. Grace says, "In spite of mistakes, I love you and will redeem you." Timothy adds, "This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth" (1 Timothy 2:3-4). Jesus' work is a work of grace, and it is a work that is alive in all people, including our children.

We want to know that our children have a committed relationship with Jesus, and we are perplexed or even disturbed when we do not see evidence of such a relationship. But we can rest in the fact that not only is God patient with all, he wants all to be saved. Jesus is patient. His timing is different than ours.

Parents have an important role to play in teaching their children about an enduring relationship with Jesus. But a child's choices are not completely dependent on how well parents teach them.

God wants our children have a relationship with him. He is at work in them, and he is patient in that work. That doesn't diminish the importance of our instruction of our children. But it should give us pause to trust our children to God instead of fretting over them ourselves. Our role as parents is only one small part of the picture. Jesus' role as Redeemer is what really matters.

### What should we do?

Given this, it is the responsibility of adults to follow the biblical admonition to teach our children and to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Can we know with certainty that our children will have the deep, abiding, intimate relationship with God that we pray for? No, we can't. But thank God it doesn't depend on us.

What we can know is that God loves our children unconditionally, that Christ has included them in his atoning and redemptive work, that he will never cease to work with them and will never let them go. As a parent, I can think of no better assurance than that!

Jeb Egbert

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## How Are You Today?

Recently heard a story from a proud grandfather. His 14-month-old grandson, I'll call him James, had recently learned to put sentences together, and when Grandpa flew back to visit, the first words out of James' mouth were, "How are you today?"

The grandfather was surprised and asked his daughter about it. She explained, "Many people think of themselves first...and sometimes _only._ But Jesus put others first. I want James to learn to do that, too, so I'm teaching him that he should begin his conversations with others by demonstrating an interest in them."

I was impressed. Over the many years I've been involved in youth ministry, I have been on countless retreats that require sleeping arrangements in cramped quarters. (Isn't that what a youth retreat is all about?) In that kind of setting, one can quickly see how thoughtful others are. Some kids seem to keep an eye out for ways they can help others, while other kids seem never to notice the needs of others around them. It wouldn't occur to them to start a conversation with, "How are you?"

When I was young, one of our family standards was that chores had to be done first — before focusing on personal activities. I see now that doing the dishes, pulling weeds and mowing the grass were ways that we implicitly stated, "Family needs are more important than my fun." Having chores helped teach me the importance of thinking of the best interests of the community first. It is another way parents or caregivers can instill in children a sense of putting others first.

In John 15:13, Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." He did just that. Before he died, Jesus prayed that this sacrificial cup would "pass from him." But then he added, "Not my will, but your will be done." Learning to think like Jesus means learning to think of others first. Our personal example is our most important teaching tool.

Some years ago on a business trip, I went to a friend's house for dinner. I was so struck by how willingly the children all pitched in to help prepare the meal, set the table, serve the dinner, clear the table and wash the dishes that I just had to call my wife and tell her about it. I don't know whether they did it to impress guests or whether it was their regular routine. Maybe those children grew up considerate of others or maybe they didn't, but they did have the blessing of having parents who taught them what it feels like.

Can we help our children learn to be thoughtful and considerate of others? Can we teach them the importance of thinking of others first? Can we show them how to be observant of and responsive to the needs of others? According to one grandfather, we sure can! "How are _you_ today?"

Jeb Egbert

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## Go Ahead – Spend, Spend, Spend

In times of great economic challenge, most people's behavior changes. They tend to pull back and be more conservative. I'd like to challenge you to consider spending _more_ during this crisis. Not more money, though. More time. More time with your spouse, children or grandchildren.

When people believe they have _more_ financial resources, many of the things they do can actually reduce the simplicity of time spent together. We rent movies or purchase the latest gadgets. Going to amusement parks or to the movies not only costs money, but often does not result in additional quality time together.

But when we need to cut back for financial reasons, doors can open to more thoughtful time together. For instance, making a priority of playing board games not only doesn't cost much, but it binds the family together. It might help to create a tradition that will be remembered for years to come.

My wife shared a story with me of a single mother with three pre-adolescents who had "restaurant night." Instead of going out, they took turns in pairs serving each other. Those being served got dressed up as if they were at a fine restaurant while the other two brought menus, took orders and served the meal.

Even washing the family car can be a family event that saves money and creates fun memories of "accidental" sprayings of siblings or parents. Riding bikes together can be fun, inexpensive and provide exercise. And what about having an occasional picnic at the park? One family I know made a goal of eventually visiting all the parks in their community.

My wife introduced a silly tradition that has since become a family staple. Marshmallow fight! It happened after one Thanksgiving meal when we were settling down to enjoy some roasted marshmallows in front of the family fireplace when suddenly my wife let fly with a marshmallow that hit my teenage son right in the stomach. With that, the fight was on! All three of our children were adolescents at the time and we had a terrific time over the next 20 minutes, pelting each other and weaving and ducking as the torrent of marshmallows flew across the room. We also found marshmallows over the next few weeks in the drapes, behind chairs or in the planters.

Another favorite activity was doing word games at meal time. The idea is to get as creative as possible with names of countries. Some are imminently predictable: "Hey mom, I'm 'Hungary.'" "Okay then, let's have some 'Turkey.'" "But I'd prefer 'Chile'." And so it goes until it morphs into the more outrageous. Perhaps the most fun is watching family members become quiet as they are trying to think up the next silly sentence.

Sometimes that game shifts to making up silly names. My daughter will ask during dinner, "Hey dad. Have you met my friend Rick?" "No," I reply. "Oh," she says. "His last name is O'Shay. Rick O'Shay." That is followed by "Phil Erup," and "Larry N. Gitis."

An idea that used to be fashionable was having a barbecue and making homemade ice cream. Chances are, grandparents still know how to do that and can enlist the help of their grandchildren to do some of the work on this fun project.

The point is that there are many things that can get in the way of spending time together as a family. Parents have to be intentional about using what time is available. While financial resources may be shrinking, our allotment of time remains.

So go ahead. Spend, spend, spend! Spend as much time as you can with your family. Make it fun. Build traditions and memories that will last a lifetime!

Jeb Egbert

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## Washing Your Children in the Word

I was recently reflecting on a particularly difficult period of my life, a time when my wife, Barb, and I were going through an intense trial. At the time, my reflexive reaction was, "What is this? Why me, Lord? How come this is happening to us?" But almost instantaneously a scripture entered my thoughts: "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." A sense of calm and peace settled over me.

At my moment of intense need, Romans 8:28 had washed over my mind. I was grateful to the Holy Spirit for being the Comforter that he is described to be in John 14, amazed at how this passage had come to me in my moment of difficulty. That's when it hit me how valuable my parents' work had been of instilling the word of God into their children. I doubt they ever stopped to think, "This memory scripture will some day come back to Jeb at a time when he needs it most." But indeed it had.

What are some ways we can help our children or grandchildren learn the Bible and memorize scriptures that contain words of life?

One effective way, especially when working with small children, is to use fun songs that are based on Scripture. My children memorized all the books of the Bible from a song. At my church, the worship leader often encourages members to "sing the words of God into their hearts." Numerous times throughout the week I find myself repeating in my mind a song we'd sung during the Sunday service.

Websites such as www.mywonderkids.com provide age-based music and songs for children that help them memorize Bible verses or become familiar with biblical characters and stories.

Another suggestion is to find a time during the week when the family can gather for Bible study. A newer Bible translation, such as Eugene Peterson's _The Message,_ is relatively easy even for young children to understand.

When our children were younger, my wife and I committed to reading the entire Bible to our children. We found that breakfast was a good time to pursue this goal. Our intent was not to race through it, but rather to take just a few verses every day. After reading a verse or two, I would ask my children questions to see what they thought about the passages.

When I was young, my parents gave my sister and me scripture memory cards. At the time, it seemed like drudgery, but since then I have become grateful that my parents spent the time. Many of the scriptures I memorized with them have brought me reassurance and comfort during difficult times.

A final thought is to use websites that specialize in activities or games geared to help children learn the Bible. One such site is www.bibleactivities.com.

No matter how you do it, helping children learn the Bible is an important responsibility for Christian parents and guardians. In his book _Revolutionary Parenting,_ George Barna writes, "Most of our children are biblically illiterate." But that does not have to be true in your household. When you stop to think about all the things that _could_ fill our children's heads, what is better or more important than the timeless words of the Bible?

Jeb Egbert

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## Two Peas, Same Pod?

Humans have a natural proclivity for creating a routine. Once we find something that works, we tend to do it over and over again.

This concept applies to parenting. Regardless of how many children are in the family, it is easier to adopt a one-size-fits-all strategy to parenting. We may think, "I tried this approach with my firstborn and it worked, so now I'll try that with every other child in the family."

The trouble with that approach is that our children are different—often completely different. My wife and I have three children and we are not sure how much more different all three could be from each other. As we have mused about their differences, we've also wondered how much we might have contributed to those differences.

When our children have made mistakes, we've reflected over what we've done in our parenting that may have led to those mistakes. And when our children have been responsive and responsible, it has been somewhat natural to think that our parenting has been largely responsible for their success.

I've known parents who could have won an award for bringing up a precious, responsive Christian child. But in the very same family, another child is unresponsive and rebellious. The fact is, God is the creator of our children. As in everything else that God has created, he has chosen diversity.

I think a lot can be learned about how God chose to create the differences in our children by reading the biblical passages about the first two children born of a man and a woman. We don't know a great deal about these two children, but in Genesis 4:2, we learn that "Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil." These two boys were remarkably different, yet they grew up with virtually no outside influences. No television. No public schools. No peer pressure. Initially, it was just them and their parents. But one was a shepherd and the other a farmer. How could these vast differences in vocational choices occur?

Furthermore, the two sons chose different approaches with respect to what they gave God. Verse 3 says that Cain brought some of the fruit of the soil as an offering, whereas Abel brought "fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock." Two boys. Same parents. Great differences.

The point is, our children are created by God and made in his image. We are the stewards of our children, but they are made in God's, not our, image. They are free to make their own choices. They have their own personalities. We have the profound and sacred responsibility to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), but as parents, we cannot determine the personality of our children.

We can force them to pursue certain careers, but our children may later resent whatever pressure we apply. And we cannot make them have a relationship with God. Those are all God's work. What we can and should do is love them, provide guidance and direction, and lead them intentionally toward Jesus. We can and should spend time talking to them about Jesus and reading to them from the Bible. We can and should pray with and for them. We can consistently lead them into a community where others are seeking God's will.

But whether they choose at this time to respond to our instruction is not something we have control over. If you have several children, one may be responsive and the other may not. How that works is a mystery to me, but not to God. There is no formula for ensuring that our children grow up as we would hope for them to.

The lesson in all this is that we cannot take the credit for ourselves when it appears our children have developed a healthy love for and responsiveness to Jesus. Nor should we despair when our children do not seem to be responding to Jesus. What we can consistently do is thank God for the gift of stewardship of his children, and pray for wisdom and courage as we engage in the incredible adventure called parenting.

Jeb Egbert

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## Parenting "Do Over" for Grandparents

Life doesn't give us the opportunity for "do-overs." I wish it did. There are things I have regretted about how I've handled particular time periods or relationships in my life. Perhaps you feel the same way. Ever long for missed opportunities? I've sometimes thought to myself, "If I only had known then what I know now, I might have handled that situation better."

But I didn't know then what I know now, and neither did you.

I have the privilege of leading workshops on parenting, and quite a few grandparents attend. One of the recurring questions I ask during these workshops is "if you had a 'do–over,' how would you change your approach to parenting?" My purpose for the question is not to open up feelings of regret, but rather to listen to the voice of experience.

Perhaps the most consistent answer I hear is, "I would focus more on the love I have for my children and less on rules and discipline." Variations of this response include "I would tell my children I love them more frequently than I did." Another is, "I would work harder to understand how my son or daughter interpreted my behaviors as loving, and seek to make adjustments."

That's an interesting response, because it implies that our children are unique, and while some may know they are loved by hearing the words "I love you," to others those words might seem hollow and lifeless. They might prefer spending a day at the beach with their mom or dad, or perhaps receiving a gift. It's no secret that different children interpret love from their parents differently.

You may have heard grown adults share with great sadness their pain over the fact that their father or mother "never told me they loved me." On the other hand, some who didn't hear those words never doubted their parents' love in spite of the lack of verbal affirmation.

### Some "do-over" questions

I follow up the discussions about increased demonstrative love by asking, "Does this mean that you wouldn't have any rules or discipline?" The response is typically, "Oh no. There would certainly be rules and discipline. It's just that my recollection of my parenting style was an overemphasis on rules and discipline. I thought rearing my child was more important than showing them love in demonstrable ways."

Many grandparents say they wished they had spent more time with their kids when they were growing up. Some turn melancholy when they reflect on years gone by and the relationships with their offspring that they feel were never really cemented by an investment of time.

Some say they would have been more intentional about showing spiritual leadership within the family. When I probe about this, the responses range from a desire to have modeled a more overt spiritual focus in their own lives, to wishing they had led more family Bible discussions or more often modeled sharing the gospel with others. Others muse about their perception of the gaps that existed between their professed Christian allegiance and the reality of the lives they led. They wonder whether their areas of personal hypocrisy might have set up a stumbling block for their children.

I thoroughly enjoy listening to the hearts of these "grand" parents. They have much to share. It is inspiring to know that in spite of the many pitfalls of parenting and our lack of parental perfection, God so deeply loves our children that he never ceases to look after them.

Most parents do not make willful mistakes in how they raise their children. The vast majority with whom I speak love their children and wanted to be "the perfect parent" for them.

We don't have a chance for a do-over. But we can share the lessons of experience with one another and our loved ones. We can also pray for young parents and their children and find ways to provide a word of encouragement and support. And we can rest in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, knowing that his perfect work in the lives of our children is complete, although not fully apparent at this time. Regardless of all we did or did not do as parents, the best for them is yet to come!

Jeb Egbert

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## Jesus Loves Them, This I Know

#### People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Luke 18:15-16)

In Luke's story of Jesus blessing the little children, what always catches my eye is that Jesus actively _called_ little children to come to him. His own disciples are opposed to the idea. They "hindered them." Perhaps they believed that following Jesus was not kids' stuff.

But Jesus loves children. Perhaps one of the most comforting things that parents and grandparents can ever know is that Jesus loves our children and grandchildren more than we _ever_ could. Jesus himself said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Jesus laid down his life for the whole world...including children.

No parent I have met has ever conveyed to me that they felt they did "the perfect job" as a parent. My wife and I didn't. We have three children and we are often amazed how the three can be so different and require such different skills in terms of parenting. It would be easier if they could respond to a one-size-fits-all approach to child rearing. But we have learned that an approach that seems to work well with one of our children may not work at all with the next.

Thankfully, Jesus knows our children, and he knows yours. He loves them completely and unconditionally. He wants them to come to him. In Mark's Gospel, we read that Jesus took little children into his arms and blessed them (Mark 10:16). No matter how much we fall short in our efforts to be perfect parents, it is a relief to know that Jesus' love and grace constantly overflows and washes over our children.

But both Luke and Mark mention something else — people were _bringing_ their children to him. That's an important role, one that _we_ can play in the lives of our children. It's a question worth asking: Do we bring our children to Jesus? Or might we "hinder them"?

When I read through the Gospel accounts of parents bringing their children to Jesus, I am struck of Jesus. They want their children in his presence. Perhaps they recognize their own lack of parental competence and are seeking the blessing and help of one who loves their children more than they ever could.

How might we hinder our children from entering the presence of Jesus? One way might be to avoid opportunities to engage them in activities or functions where the worship of Jesus is likely to occur. This may include church-related activities such as worship services or Christian camps or retreats.

Another way we might hinder our children is by not showing them our own love of Jesus. Is it clear to them that building an abiding relationship with him is for us more important than anything else? Do we spend time in prayer with and for our children?

A final way that we might hinder our children from coming into Jesus' presence is by living a double standard. As children grow, they easily spot hypocrisy. The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 3:5 about having "a _form_ of godliness but denying its power." If we compartmentalize our lives, being "Christian" only while at church, our children will pick up on it.

Jesus loves our children, this I know. He loves them more than we ever could. Ephesians 3:20 summarizes it well: "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." That's the work of Jesus, and he can do more, immeasurably more, in the lives of our children than we could ever imagine. So let's bring them into his presence!

Jeb Egbert

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## Our Children's Heroes

I waited anxiously for my father to come home. I was 11 years old at the time, and I knew he'd be home in a few minutes. Dad _always_ came home within the same 15-minute window, and he _always_ had the same routine. He would walk through the open door, hug each of his kids, and then go find mom. When he saw her, he engaged in "gooey" talk about how much he loved her.

None of those parts of his routine were of interest to me. My anticipation was directly linked to the fact that after he had finished greeting us, he would change his clothes and we would trot across the street to play basketball. And we did this _every day._

I cherished that time with my dad. It wasn't what he said to me, and it certainly wasn't the level of basketball training that stands out most. It was the fact that he spent time with me—usually 45 minutes a day, sharing in something that I loved.

When we first began playing together, he would give me a point advantage to keep the score close. He was so much better at the game than I was that I would have been discouraged if he hadn't. But as the years passed, my skills passed his, and I needed to give _him_ a point advantage. I remember how much it meant to me as he would gush over my improvement during our walk back to the house.

I don't know when my dad became my hero. Perhaps it was only after I had children myself that I began to realize what he had sacrificed, and what it meant to me. Over the years, I've given a lot of thought to how my dad showed his love. Here are some of the ways he did this.

_Time._ Dad gave his time to me. It wasn't just leftover time. Dad sacrificed his _prime time_ for me. Every day, he gave me 45 special minutes shortly after coming home from work. When I became a dad, I realized what a commitment that was. I knew later that he had just as many work commitments as I have ever had tugging at him to stay "and get the job done." While those things were important to my dad, they weren't as important as spending time with me, my two sisters, and my mom.

_Sharing something I loved._ Dad spent his time with me doing something I loved. Dad enjoyed basketball, but it wasn't his favorite. He never let me know that. I learned later that his real love was tennis. But he came out to play basketball, night in and night out, because it was what I wanted to do. He loved tennis. I loved basketball. We ended up spending most of our sports time together doing what I loved.

_Conversation._ Dad spent an enormous amount of time conversing with me. When we were playing ball together, it was easy to discuss the issues of life. This wasn't lecture time, or some stilted, artificial, "Son, we need to have a talk" type of encounter. It was just part of the basketball game.

I still remember some of the lessons that he taught me on the court. "Son," he would say, "don't ever walk an old lady across the street...unless she wants to go." This was his way of telling me that when people don't want to do something, I shouldn't force the issue. Or he might say, "Often wrong, but never in doubt." This was a shorthand way of saying, "Before you get too dogmatic about something, make sure you have your facts straight."

Some 40 years after those experiences, my eyes well up with tears thinking about what my dad meant to me. The things he did to become my hero were quite simple and ordinary, but I know it couldn't have always been easy.

Who are _your_ children's heroes? You might be surprised. One of them could be you!

Jeb Egbert

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## The Gift

I have received many gifts in my life. Some were precisely what I had hoped for, while others were a disappointment. Some of them required assembly, a good deal more work than I would have liked. Some of the gifts were worth the trouble; some were not.

There is one gift, however, a gift from God, that is always worth it. "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him," we're told in Psalm 127:3. As parents or even grandparents, how do we respond to the gifts from God that are our children?

Some parents are overjoyed, eager to learn as much as possible about what is required to be an effective parent. Even though children don't come with an instruction manual, some parents read as much as they can or seek the advice of other parents they respect.

Some of us, on the other hand, assume we know all that is necessary to be a good parent. The result is that we find ourselves in constant reaction mode as our "gift" grows and behaves in whatever manner it feels like, because we don't know what we're doing.

Perhaps we are simply too busy to focus on "the gift." We have our careers to pursue, bills to pay, meetings to attend to, maybe even ministry to participate in. "The gift" gets short shrift, with minimal attention or time from us.

Maybe we just delegate to others the responsibility of tending to "the gift." Perhaps we can offload the responsibility for nurturing, teaching and cherishing the gift to someone else. Maybe someone else can play, teach and spend time with "the gift." Or maybe, in the worst scenario of all, "the gift" is simply not wanted and is discarded. Thrown away.

If we truly thought of our children as gifts directly from God, perhaps it would change our perspective about them. Perhaps the priority we would make in terms of investing our time and energy with our children would grow appreciably. Perhaps we would not be so short with our little children when they are seeking our attention at the end of a long day.

If we believed that our children were God's personal gifts to us, we might have a greater sense of personal commitment about how we treat the gift. We might strive to learn as much as possible about how to work with our children, to help them to grow into an enduring relationship with us and ultimately with Jesus. The amount of time that we spend with "the gift" would reflect the priority that the gift would have in our lives. We would take ownership of the values that our children learn and not leave it to others or the media.

Some writers have expressed a need to spend "quality time" with our children. This can be described as time when our children receive our undivided attention, and we would be apt to describe it as _quality_ time if our children are learning from us the values that we want them to learn. But quality time doesn't just "happen." Quality time is a function of the _quantity_ of time spent. Quality time is not predictable. It doesn't come when we, as parents, want it to. Rather, it comes when our child accepts it.

Perhaps most importantly, if we believe that our children are a gift to us directly and personally from God, we would cherish that gift. We would frequently thank God for such a wonderful gift, and we would love "the gift" unconditionally, just as God loves us unconditionally.

Our children...what a remarkable gift from God.

Jeb Egbert

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## My Mother's Prayer

I had my first love affair when I was just 6 years old. It's true...but it's probably not what you're thinking. When I was 6, I had a marvelous kite that was the love of my life. That kite meant everything to me. Frequently when my father arrived home from work, he would take the love of my life and me out to the front yard. Adorned with a huge ball of string and my kite, he would get it started. As the kite soared into the Southern California sky, I watched with amazement as it bobbed and weaved in the breeze. How could life get any better? A small boy with his magical kite.

One day as I was flying the kite in our front yard, my mother knocked on the kitchen window to get my attention. As I glanced her way, she beckoned me inside. It was time for dinner. Disappointed that I would have to put my kite away for the evening, I began to reel the huge ball of string in.

But then something happened. The line went limp and the kite was no longer coming towards me. As a 6-year-old, I'm sure it took me a while to figure out what was happening, but the truth was, the love of my life wasn't coming home! When I finally put all the pieces together, I did what most 6-year-old boys would do...burst into tears.

My mother saw all this playing out from the window and quickly summoned my father. I can still see Dad in my mind's eye rushing out of the house. "Son, I can't promise anything. But I'm going to go after that kite," he said. With window rolled down and his left arm swung over the driver's side door, I saw him poke his head out of the car to try to assess the direction the kite was heading. And he was off.

Twenty minutes later, he returned. He shared some of the saddest news I had heard in my young life. He was unable to retrieve the kite.

Simultaneously, and unbeknownst to me, my mom was experiencing a new love affair of her own. And because of this love affair, she suggested something that we had never done ever before. "Jeb," she said. "Why don't we pray about it?" So before bed that evening, I knelt down next to my mother, hands folded in front of my bed. I don't really recall what she said, but I know she was praying that somehow, someway, the love her life...her God...would restore the kite to me.

The next morning I heard a knock on our front door. I was still in a foul mood, but I was the closest to the door, so I answered it. A neighbor I had never met was standing in front of me. "Son," he said. "I saw everything that happened last evening and I felt so badly for you that I decided that I would get you a replacement kite."

A couple of hours later, our next-door neighbor, whom I _did_ know, knocked. He hadn't witnessed the tragedy that played out the prior evening but announced, "Jeb, I was cleaning out my garage and found a kite. I thought you might like it."

Finally, my dad came home from work with, you guessed it, another kite. Of course, this sudden wealth of kites left me feeling euphoric. But I also remember clearly, in my 6-year-old way, thinking that this new love affair of my mom's — the one she prayed to — was awesome.

That initial intervention has stuck with me for the better part of 50 years. It has had an indelible impact on my life. I thank my mother to this day that she didn't just pray for me in the confines of privacy, but openly invited me to eavesdrop.

Years later, my dad used to invite me to come along on his "prayer walks." It was often fascinating to hear not only what he talked to God about, but also _how_ he talked with God. While there was reverence, it was conversational. While there was respect, it was shared as though with a close friend.

That's why I like to encourage parents and grandparents to intentionally spend time with their children and grandchildren in prayer. It's an opportunity for us to model for them our passion for our Lord and Savior, to let them listen in on our conversation with God.

It made a difference for me. It taught me at a tender young age that I could have a personal relationship with God and that he cared about me. I believe it can make a difference for your children or grandchildren, too!

Jeb Egbert

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## About the Authors...

**Jeb Egbert** focused his ministry on youth and education for 30 years. He has spent considerable time working in camp ministry and has taught at the secondary and post-secondary levels. He earned his Doctorate in Education from Texas A & M. He is currently the Co-president and CEO, Academics and Chief Learning Officer for West Coast University in Southern California. His articles here were originally published in _Christian Odyssey_ magazine, published by Grace Communion International.

**Victoria Feazell** served as children's ministry director for a church in Pasadena, California. She holds a master's degree in child development, has teaching and administrative experience in public and private schools, and has been an adoption social worker. She is the mother of three children.

**Rose Huff** wrote her article for _Christian Odyssey_ magazine.

Ted Johnston has a Master's in Liberal Studies: Psychology from Regis University, and a Master's in Christian Studies from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He works for GCI-USA Church Administration & Development, and teaches two courses at Grace Communion Seminary.

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## About the Publisher...

Grace Communion International is a Christian denomination with about 50,000 members, worshiping in about 900 congregations in almost 100 nations and territories. We began in 1934 and our main office is in North Carolina. In the United States, we are members of the National Association of Evangelicals and similar organizations in other nations. We welcome you to visit our website at www.gci.org.

If you want to know more about the gospel of Jesus Christ, we offer help. First, we offer weekly worship services in hundreds of congregations worldwide. Perhaps you'd like to visit us. A typical worship service includes songs of praise, a message based on the Bible, and opportunity to meet people who have found Jesus Christ to be the answer to their spiritual quest. We try to be friendly, but without putting you on the spot. We do not expect visitors to give offerings—there's no obligation. You are a guest.

To find a congregation, write to one of our offices, phone us or visit our website. If we do not have a congregation near you, we encourage you to find another Christian church that teaches the gospel of grace.

We also offer personal counsel. If you have questions about the Bible, salvation or Christian living, we are happy to talk. If you want to discuss faith, baptism or other matters, a pastor near you can discuss these on the phone or set up an appointment for a longer discussion. We are convinced that Jesus offers what people need most, and we are happy to share the good news of what he has done for all humanity. We like to help people find new life in Christ, and to grow in that life. Come and see why we believe it's the best news there could be!

Our work is funded by members of the church who donate part of their income to support the gospel. Jesus told his disciples to share the good news, and that is what we strive to do in our literature, in our worship services, and in our day-to-day lives.

If this e-book has helped you and you want to pay some expenses, all donations are gratefully welcomed, and in several nations, are tax-deductible. If you can't afford to give anything, don't worry about it. It is our gift to you. To make a donation online, go to www.gci.org/participate/donate.

Thank you for letting us share what we value most — Jesus Christ. The good news is too good to keep it to ourselves.

See our website for hundreds of articles, locations of our churches, addresses in various nations, audio and video messages, and much more.

Grace Communion International  
3129 Whitehall Park Dr.

Charlotte, NC 28273-3335

800-423-4444

www.gci.org

### You're Included...

We talk with leading Trinitarian theologians about the good news that God loves you, wants you, and includes you in Jesus Christ. Most programs are about 28 minutes long. Our guests have included:

Ray Anderson, Fuller Theological Seminary

Douglas A. Campbell, Duke Divinity School

Elmer Colyer, U. of Dubuque Theological Seminary

Gordon Fee, Regent College

Trevor Hart, University of St. Andrews

George Hunsinger, Princeton Theological Seminary

C. Baxter Kruger, Perichoresis

Jeff McSwain, Reality Ministries

Paul Louis Metzger, Multnomah University

Paul Molnar, St. John's University

Cherith Fee Nordling, Antioch Leadership Network

Andrew Root, Luther Seminary

Alan Torrance, University of St. Andrews

Robert T. Walker, Edinburgh University

N.T. Wright, University of St. Andrews

William P. Young, author of _The Shack_

Programs are available free for viewing and downloading at www.youreincluded.org.

### Speaking of Life...

Dr. Joseph Tkach, president of Grace Communion International, comments each week, giving a biblical perspective on how we live in the light of God's love. Most programs are about three minutes long – available in video, audio, and text. Go to www.speakingoflife.org.

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##

Grace Communion Seminary

Ministry based on the life and love of the Father, Son, and Spirit.

Grace Communion Seminary serves the needs of people engaged in Christian service who want to grow deeper in relationship with our Triune God and to be able to more effectively serve in the church.

Why study at Grace Communion Seminary?

 Worship: to love God with all your mind.

 Service: to help others apply truth to life.

 Practical: a balanced range of useful topics for ministry.

 Trinitarian theology: a survey of theology with the merits of a Trinitarian perspective. We begin with the question, "Who is God?" Then, "Who are we in relationship to God?" In this context, "How then do we serve?"

 Part-time study: designed to help people who are already serving in local congregations. There is no need to leave your current ministry. Full-time students are also welcome.

 Flexibility: your choice of master's level continuing education courses or pursuit of a degree: Master of Pastoral Studies or Master of Theological Studies.

 Affordable, accredited study: Everything can be done online.

For more information, go to www.gcs.edu. Grace Communion Seminary is accredited by the Distance Education Accrediting Commission, www.deac.org. The Accrediting Commission is listed by the U.S. Department of Education as a nationally recognized accrediting agency.

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## Ambassador College of Christian Ministry

Want to better understand God's Word? Want to know the Triune God more deeply? Want to share more joyously in the life of the Father, Son and Spirit? Want to be better equipped to serve others?

Among the many resources that Grace Communion International offers are the training and learning opportunities provided by ACCM. This quality, well-structured Christian Ministry curriculum has the advantage of being very practical and flexible. Students may study at their own pace, without having to leave home to undertake full-time study.

This denominationally recognized program is available for both credit and audit study. At minimum cost, this online Diploma program will help students gain important insights and training in effective ministry service. Students will also enjoy a rich resource for personal study that will enhance their understanding and relationship with the Triune God.

Diploma of Christian Ministry classes provide an excellent introductory course for new and lay pastors. Pastor General Dr. Joseph Tkach said, "We believe we have achieved the goal of designing Christian ministry training that is practical, accessible, interesting, and doctrinally and theologically mature and sound. This program provides an ideal foundation for effective Christian ministry."

For more information, go to www.ambascol.org

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