[MUSIC PLAYING]
 (JAMAICAN ACCENT)
Yo, Tom Hanks
has a son who raps under
the name Chet Haze.
 Here he is embarrassing
his dad at the Golden Globes
a few weeks ago.
- (LAUGHING) Goddamn.
 (JAMAICAN ACCENT)
A few weeks ago.
[LAUGHTER]
 (JAMAICAN ACCENT)
Big up, big up.
The whole island massive.
It's your boy, Chetena,
coming straight
from the Golden Globe--
DESUS: This is confusing,
because I literally have
cousins that look like this.
[LAUGHTER]
Like all of a sudden, I was
like, Tom Hanks from yard?
[LAUGHTER]
 Tom Hanks from
back a yard, oh!
 (JAMAICAN ACCENT)
--finna father,
Tom Hanks presenting an award.
Soon forward come.
Big up, tune in!
 Yo!
 The man ate one beef patty.
 (YELLING) Yo, one!
 My god!
 (YELLING) One!
 Big up!
Big up!
The whole island massive.
 He's like, yo, I was on
a flight with Sean Paul.
[LAUGHTER]
And Don Teo.
DESUS: Chet Haze.
 Yo, after his red
carpet patois blew up.
Chet issued this clarification.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Me have
to make a clarification.
[LAUGHTER]
Papi, I'm Dominican now--
 Yo, the video
hasn't even started,
and you can already see
he's going to say, bip.
 Yo, what?
[LAUGHTER]
 I'm not happy with this.
 (JAMAICAN ACCENT) Yo, hear
me no, hear me now, check
this out, one two, one two.
(NORMAL VOICE) All right,
enough's enough, all right?
Look.
[LAUGHTER]
[SCREAMING]
 Yo, listen, time out.
He has Air Pods in.
Tom Hanks is on that shit.
He's like, you better
fucking apologize.
DESUS: All right?
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, yeah.
 He's like, listen, I've
been a great white guy
all these years.
You're not going to fuck
up my legacy, all right?
I've been an inoffensive
white guy for over 100 years.
[LAUGHTER]
 Never in a million
years would I
have thought that
me just goofing
around on the red carpet would
have got so much attention.
But man, it's been crazy.
And one thing I'm
not joking about
is my love and appreciation for
Jamaica, the Jamaican culture.
 Go bro.
[LAUGHTER]
 All the love that
I've been getting
from Jamaica has been really--
 What love?
What'd we do?
 Did Jamaicans, like,
reach out to him?
Like, yo, we fucking with you?
 We sent him like a breadfruit.
[LAUGHTER]
 I hope you guys get a chance
to check out the song that we
dropped today, "Harley."
The link's in my bio.
Please check that out.
My group's called
"Something Out West."
And just again, thank
you guys so much.
Much love and respect, Jamaica.
That's what's up.
Thank you.
 He should have said
big up at the end.
 Yeah.
Missed opportunity.
 You know what I mean?
 He's now banned from
every Sandals on the island.
[LAUGHTER]
 Yeah, let's hear the song.
I was like, oh, (JAMAICAN
ACCENT) he dropping a big tune.
 (JAMAICAN ACCENT)
Yo, a big massive tune!
[MUSIC - SOMETHING OUT WEST,
 "HARLEY"]
(SINGING) I remember back
high school, Jenny was there.
Coke bottles in the cooler--
 This is the music playing at a
bar in Brooklyn, and I walk in,
and I'm like, oh,
I'm not welcome here.
MERO: Oh!
[LAUGHTER]
 Got you, got you.
(SINGING) On the west
side and feel that snare.
Drunk out of my mind
and getting nowhere.
We don't need no money.
I'mma ride up with my honey.
And I promise--
 It just sounds like
background music for the CW.
 You know what I'm saying?
[LAUGHTER]
I was like, hold on, this is on
the "One Tree Hill" soundtrack.
 They didn't know I
was the Gossip Girl,
 Oh, my god!
[LAUGHTER]
 That's a no.
 Yo!
That's--
- No!
- Yeah, that's postman.
Nah.
- Nobody--
[LAUGHTER]
Nobody's going to the DJ like,
select and (YELLING) rewind!
- And rewind to Jenny!
- No, no.
 Yo!
 It's like the fast forward.
[LAUGHTER]
 Fuck outta here.
Oh, news voice.
 Allegations of a violent
attack in Philadelphia
late last year are sending
shock waves through the city.
 Goddamn.
 Serious accusations
against the beloved mascot--
MERO: What?
 --of the Philadelphia Flyers.
A father says Gritty
assaulted his son
during a meet and greet.
 Can we just get like a
full screen image of Gritty?
Yeah, I mean, look--
DESUS: Yo, fam!
MERO: Yo, respect.
DESUS: That's how your girl
come in after brunch and shit.
 Y'all want some dick?
 (SLURRING) Yo,
give me that dick.
I am mad mascoto.
 (SLURRING) You're so stupid!
 (SLURRING) Respect me.
 (SLURRING) Yo, yo
do they have bottles--
 (SLURRING) Yo, let me
see that fucking-- damn!
 (SLURRING) Yo, let me
see that stick daddy!
Let's go!
Let me see that stick!
 Come here.
She come in the house, and
she'll be at the door like--
[LAUGHTER]
(SINGING) Mero,
come out and play!
 Then you should say--
 Why don't you try number five.
 Ah!
 Fuck that, just leave it
in, I don't give a shit.
[LAUGHTER]
REPORTER: The 23-year
Philadelphia Flyers season
ticket holder tells us
it was a special event
for season ticket holders.
DESUS: Look at Gritty
already looking at him,
like, yeah, he looks like--
MERO: Yeah!
DESUS: Yeah!
He's looking right.
 Also, why is that
Ricky Iglesias there?
[LAUGHTER]
You know what I'm saying?
Just chilling--
DESUS: That's either security
or Men in Black, I don't know.
MERO: Yo!
DESUS: It's Dominican
Men in Black.
 Hey, papi.
 We are Ninos in Black.
 Hey.
Papi, forget about it.
I don't-- I no have say--
I no have secret family.
Pssh.
[LAUGHTER]
Here family.
Pssh.
[LAUGHTER]
No, me and you cousins.
Pssh.
 Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
REPORTER: But little did
he know a photo with Gritty
would leave his 13-year-old's--
DESUS: Why are they flashing
it to look it mad dramatic
like he killed the son?
MERO: Yo, pew, pew, pew!
 Brian is standing right
here in the picture.
And when he gets
done the picture,
he walks by and taps him on the
head, literally just like that.
He keeps walking, and then
Gritty gets out the chair,
and then lunges over
and punches Brandon--
DESUS: Pow!
 --like that in the bottom
right-hand side of his back.
REPORTER: According
to Chris, that punch
left his son injured, raking
up a $300 hospital bill.
 I mean, $300?
[LAUGHTER]
I thought they said $300,000.
They said $300!
 Yo, can we just pay his bill?
[LAUGHTER]
 That's like-- he put like
four edible arrangements.
 Yeah, everybody pass a $1.
Pass the collection
plate around.
REPORTER: A report was
filed, and south detectives
are investigating.
 Wait, take that back?
Why'd she say
detectives like that?
 And south detectives
are investigating.
[LAUGHTER]
 What kind of fucking
Philly accent is that?
 Deta-- detactives?
 So wait, if Gritty punched
one of your kids in the back,
what are you doing?
 I'd fuck him up.
I wouldn't do all
this stupid bullshit.
Oh, you gotta give me $300.
I'm going to get 300
punches in your grill.
[LAUGHTER]
 Hell yeah, I'll
fuck a mascot up.
Yeah-- oh, well, not the person.
I would just fuck
up the costume.
[LAUGHTER]
And be like, (YELLING)
you're a liar.
Everybody here knows
you're a phony!
Yo, phony, what's your
real name, Matthew?
I'd rip the head off,
and just like, pah,
kick that shit onto the ice.
 No, no.
I would never say that I
would assault a person on air.
[LAUGHTER]
 Yeah, he says that on Twitter.
[LAUGHTER]
