- Now I don't know if you've
been following the news,
but I've been keeping my ears open
and it seems like everyone, everywhere
is super mad about
everything all the time.
I try to stay a little optimistic,
even though I will admit,
things are getting pretty sticky.
Here's how I try to look
at it, and this is just me.
This guy being the president,
it's like there's a horse
loose in a hospital.
It's like there's a horse
loose in a hospital.
I think eventually
everything's gonna be okay,
but I have no idea
what's gonna happen next.
And neither do any of you,
and neither do your parents,
because there's a horse
loose in the hospital.
It's never happened before.
No one knows what the
horse is gonna do next,
least of all the horse.
He's never been in a hospital before.
He's as confused as you are.
There's no experts.
They try to find experts on the news.
They're like, we're joined now by a man
that once saw a bird in the airport.
It's like, get out of here with that shit.
We've all seen a bird in the airport.
This is a horse loose in a hospital.
When a horse is loose in a
hospital you gotta stay updated.
So all day long, you walk around,
oh, what'd the horse
do, what'd the horse do.
The updates, they're not always bad.
Sometimes they're just odd.
You're like, the horse used the elevator?
I didn't know he knew how to do that.
The creepiest days are when
you don't hear from the horse at all.
Like down in the
operating room, like, hey,
has anyone, uh...
has anyone hea-- (makes clip-clop sounds).
Those are those quiet
days when people are like,
it looks like the horse
has finally calmed down
and then ten seconds
later the horse is like,
I'm gonna run towards the baby incubators
and smash 'em with my hooves,
I've got nice hooves and
long tail, I'm a horse.
And it's like, aw, that's
what I thought you'd say
you dumb fuckin' horse.
And then, then, then you
go to brunch with people
and they're like, there
shouldn't be a horse
in the hospital.
And it's like, we're well past that.
And then other are people are like,
well if there's gonna
be horse in the hospital
I'm gonna say the n-word on TV,
and it's like, those
don't match up at all.
And then for a second it seems like
maybe we could survive the horse,
and then five thousand miles away
a hippo was like, I have a nuclear bomb,
And I'm gonna blow up the hospital.
And before we could say
anything, the horse was like,
if you even fucking look at the hospital,
I will stomp you to death with my hooves.
I dare you to do it.
I want, I want you to do it.
I want you to do so I can
stomp you with my hooves
I'm so fuckin' crazy.
And he's like, you think
you're fuckin' crazy,
I'm a fuckin' hippopotamus, I
live in a fuckin' lake of mud,
I'm fuckin' crazy.
And all of us are like,
okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay,
like poor Andy Cohen at
those goddamn reunions,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
And then for a second we were like,
maybe the horse catcher
will catch the horse,
and then the horse is like,
I have fired the horse catcher.
He can do that?
That shouldn't be allowed,
no matter who the horse is.
I don't remember that in Hamilton.
