The President:
Thank you so much, Ed.
And to all the other board
members; to honored guests;
and to the lovely First Lady.
(applause)
Good evening.
You know, Ed's
right, I work a lot.
And so I wasn't sure that I
should actually come tonight.
Biden talked me into it.
(laughter)
He leaned over and he
said, "Mr. President --
(laughter)
-- this is no ordinary dinner.
(laughter)
This is a big (beep) meal."
(laughter and applause)
It's been quite a year since
I've spoken here last --
lots of ups, lots of downs -- except for my approval ratings,
which have just gone down.
(laughter)
But that's politics.
It doesn't bother me.
Besides, I happen to know that my approval ratings are still
very high in the
country of my birth.
(laughter and applause)
And then just the other day, my
dear friend, Hillary Clinton,
pulled me aside and
she gave me a pep talk.
She said, despite the numbers,
she said, "Don't worry, Barack,
you're likeable enough."
(laughter)
Which made me feel better.
Of course I may not have had the
star power that I once had --
but in my defense,
neither do all of you.
(laughter)
People say to me,
"Mr. President,
you helped revive
the banking industry,
you saved GM and Chrysler.
What about the news business?"
I have to explain, hey,
I'm just the President.
(laughter)
I'm not a miracle worker, here.
(laughter)
Though I am glad that the only
person whose ratings fell more
than mine last year is here tonight -- great to see you, Jay.
(laughter and applause)
I'm also glad that
I'm speaking first,
because we've all seen what
happens when somebody takes the
time slot after Leno's.
(laughter)
Mr. Leno:
Goodnight, everybody.
(laughter)
The President:
By the way, all of the jokes here tonight are brought to you
by our friends at Goldman Sachs.
(laughter)
So you don't have to worry -- they make money whether you
laugh or not.
(laughter)
We do have a number of notable
guests in attendance here tonight.
Obviously I'm most pleased
that Michelle accompanied me.
She doesn't always
go to these things.
(applause)
And there are few things in life
that are harder to find and more
important to keep than love -- well, love and a birth certificate.
(laughter)
The Jonas Brothers are here.
(applause)
They're out there somewhere.
Sasha and Malia are huge fans.
But, boys, don't get any ideas.
(laughter)
I have two words for
you -- predator drones.
(laughter)
You will never see it coming.
(laughter)
You think I'm joking.
(laughter)
Speaking of 'tween heartthrobs,
Scott Brown is here.
(applause)
I admire Scott -- a rare politician in Washington with
nothing to hide.
(laughter)
Now, you should be aware that
Scott Brown is not the only one
with a salacious photo
spread floating around.
Recently David Axelrod was
offered a centerfold opportunity
of his own -- now, I did not know that Krispy-Kreme had a catalog.
(laughter)
But it's true.
I saw Michael Steele backstage
when we were taking pictures --
AKA Notorious GOP.
(laughter)
Michael, who knows what truly
plagues America today --
taxation without representin' --
(laughter)
My brother.
(laughter)
I did a similar routine last
year, but it always works.
(laughter)
Odds are that the
Salahis are here.
(laughter)
There haven't been people that
were more unwelcome at a party
since Charlie Crist.
(laughter)
Unfortunately, John
McCain couldn't make it.
Recently he claimed that he had
never identified himself as a maverick.
And we all know what happens in
Arizona when you don't have ID.
(laughter)
Adios, amigos.
(laughter and applause)
Look, I feel for John.
You know, we were on the road
together and obviously had a
hard-fought battle,
and you learn,
certainly at the national
level, politics isn't easy.
This year I've experienced
my share of disappointments.
For example, I had my heart
set on the Nobel Prize -- for Physics.
(laughter)
But, hey, you can't win 'em all.
(laughter)
Speaking of undeserved honors,
a few weeks ago I was able to
throw out the first pitch
at the Nationals game.
And I don't know if you saw it,
but I threw it a little high and
a little outside.
This is how FOX News covered it:
"President panders to extreme
left-wing of batter box."
(laughter)
On the other hand, MSNBC
had a different take --
"President pitches no-hitter."
(laughter)
And then CNN went a
different way altogether --
(video is shown about
volcano eruption in Iceland)
-- I guess that's why they're the most trusted name in news.
(laughter)
Now, look, I have a reputation
for giving cable a hard time,
so let's pick on
Politico for a while.
(laughter)
You know, people attack Politico
for putting a new focus on
trivial issues, political
fodder, gossip sheet.
That's not fair.
Politico has been doing
this for centuries now.
Just check out
these headlines --
our researchers found
these: "Japan surrenders --
where's the bounce?"
(laughter)
Then there's this one:
"Lincoln saves Union,
but can he save House majority?"
(laughter)
I don't know if you can see,
there's a little portion there --
"He's lost the
Southern white vote."
(laughter)
It's an astute analysis there.
And my favorite, July 3, 1776
-- "Senior Whig official:
Talks break down,
independence dead."
(laughter)
So this is nothing new.
But even though the mainstream
press gives me a hard time,
I hear that I'm still pretty
big on Twitter, Facebook --
or as Sarah Palin calls
it, "the socialized media."
(laughter)
Of course, that's not the only
thing that we've been accused of
socializing this year.
You might have heard we passed
a health care bill and --
(applause)
Is that Roger Ailes
applauding out there?
(laughter)
Some Republicans have suggested
that the bill contains a few
secret provisions.
That's ridiculous.
There aren't a few secret
provisions in the health care
plan -- there are,
like, hundreds.
(laughter)
Tonight, in the interest
of transparency,
I'd like to share a couple.
Let's see -- this provision is called the Bay State of Denial.
It reads: "This bill shall cover
short-term memory loss related
to the passage of Massachusetts
health care reform."
So, good news, Mitt, your
condition is covered.
(laughter)
This next provision is
called the Jersey Shore-Up.
It reads: "The following
individuals shall be excluded
from the indoor tanning
tax within this bill."
Snooki, J-WOWW, the Situation,
and House Minority Leader John Boehner.
(laughter)
This provision ought to put a
common misconception to rest.
It says right here: "If you do
not like the ruling of your
death panel you can appeal."
(laughter)
Now, look, obviously I've
learned this year politics can
be a tough business, but there
are times where you just can't
help but laugh.
You know what really tickles me?
Eric Massa.
(laughter)
Apparently Massa claimed that
Rahm came up to him one day in
the House locker
room, stark naked,
started screaming
obscenities at him --
to which I say,
welcome to my world.
(laughter)
I feel you.
It's a tense moment.
You know, even as we enjoy
each other's company tonight,
we're also mindful of the
incredible struggles of our
fellow Americans
in the Gulf Coast,
both those leading the efforts
to stem this crisis and those
along the coast whose
livelihoods are in jeopardy as a
result of the spill.
Also in our thoughts and prayers
tonight are the men and women in
uniform who put their lives at
risk each and every day for our
safety and freedom.
(applause)
So in that spirit, I'd also
like to pay a tribute to the
journalists who play an
extraordinary role in telling
their stories.
Earlier today I gave the
commencement address at
Michigan, where I spoke to the
graduates about what is required
to keep out democracy
thriving in the 21st century.
And one of the points I made is
that for all the changes and
challenges facing your industry,
this country absolutely needs a
healthy, vibrant media.
Probably needs it
more than ever now.
Today's technology --
(applause)
-- today's technology has made it possible for us to get our
news and information from
a growing range of sources.
We can pick and choose not only
our preferred type of media,
but also our preferred
perspective.
And while that exposes us to an
unprecedented array of opinions,
analysis, and points of view,
it also makes it that much more
important that we're all
operating on a common baseline of facts.
It makes it that much more
important that journalists out
there seek only the truth.
And I don't have
to tell you that.
Some of you are seasoned
veterans who have been on the
political beat for decades;
others here tonight began their
careers as bloggers
not long ago.
But I think it's fair to say
that every single reporter in
this room believes deeply in
the enterprise of journalism.
Every one of you, even the
most cynical among you,
understands and cherishes the
function of a free press and the
preservation of our system of
government and of our way of life.
And I want you to know that for
all the jokes and the occasional
gripes, I cherish
that work, as well.
In fact, tonight I wanted to
present all of you with a
bipartisan congressional
resolution that honors all those
wonderful contributions that
journalists have made to our
country and the world
-- but, unfortunately,
I couldn't break the filibuster.
(laughter)
Thank you very much, everybody.
God bless you and God bless
the United States of America.
(applause)
Edwin Chin:
Well, we are going to make
history tonight so I'm
happy to note that
it's not 11:35 p.m.
but I give you a man who is good
at any time of the day or night.
Jay Leno.
(applause)
Jay Leno:
Thank you, Ed.
Thank you, very much.
This is every comedian's dream.
Rich people eating.
As you know, there was quite
a security line to get in.
I got stuck behind the Arizona
Congressional delegation.
Luckily all of their papers were
in order so it wasn't too much
of a problem to get in.
And I have the distinct honor of
being the only person on this
panel not subpoenaed by Rob
Blagojevich so I think that is
pretty impressive itself.
I can see the White
House Press Corps.
Very excited tonight.
It's about as close to a White
House press conference as
they've had in a
year so this is it.
So enjoy it while it
lasts, yeah, yeah.
I'm not looking over.
Is he laughing?
Now, some of you on the news
have mentioned that the
President has been getting a
little gray since taking office
but he has had his
share of stress.
Tough economy, two wars, health
care fight, Iran, North Korea.
His mother-in-law
moving in with him, huh?
I think that would
break most men.
(laughter)
And sometimes the
press can be one-sided.
As you mentioned, all during the
election they would ask things
like, Is Obama black enough?
Is Obama too black?
It's never the other way around.
Is John Boehner orange enough?
(laughter)
Is he too orange?
We never hear that.
(laughter)
And as you know, the President and
First Lady have a wonderful family.
I'm sure you remember
this heart-warming photo.
Take a look at this photo.
We all went -- take a look
here -- ah, remember that?
Wasn't that wonderful?
I think it reminds us all of
a similar photo taken in a
previous administration.
Take a look.
Ah, yeah.
(laughter)
And hats off to Michelle Obama
who has made childhood obesity
one of her causes.
Yes, congratulations.
(applause)
She has started a
more intense program.
It's called "leave no child
with a bigger behind."
And I think that is going to be
a wonderful, wonderful thing.
(laughter)
But Mrs. Obama, with all the
good works you have been doing,
it's been undermined by others
in your administration.
Here, take a look.
[video]
First Lady:
It's easy to say we need to
eat healthy and exercise more.
It's just as easy to say
we'll start tomorrow.
But our kids are
running out of time.
They're the first generation
that might not live as long as
their parents because of the
health risks associated with
being overweight.
What can we do to help?
Be the example they need.
Make healthy choices and
help them do the same.
Let's move to raise a
healthier generation of kids.
(laughter)
(applause)
Jay Leno:
And there was a big
setback for NASA this year.
As you know, President Obama
cutting the space program and
sending more men to the moon.
We're not going to be sending
any more men to the moon.
Although we can point to one
major achievement during your
time in office, Mr. President,
we did get an astronaut on
dancing with the stars, and
I think that is something,
something we can
all be proud of.
(laughter)
You know, I've had the privilege
of meeting President Obama a
number of times.
And I was surprised to hear
critics describe the President
as cold and aloof.
I have never found him that way.
He loves to socialize.
Health care, car companies,
things of that nature.
(laughter)
Well, hey, I want to
congratulate President Obama.
He has done more than anyone for
the American car industry except
for Toyota.
Of course, Toyota
would need you.
And as you may have heard, there were
more problems for Toyota today.
Apparently, two of the crash test
dummies refused to get in the car.
Yeah.
(laughter)
So things are not looking good.
But one wonderful thing
about President Obama,
never lost his street cred.
He knows how to deal
with the average guy.
Now, here he is meeting a
businessman on the campaign trail.
Look how instantly he can relate
to this man, take a look.
(video)
Reporter:
We have the President walking in
here just as we were about to go.
The President, again expecting
to talk about small businesses
and about how he is going to
help them in this hurting
economy, what he is going to do.
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
Another piece of cake?
(laughter)
Now, Mr. President, I have to
admit, when you were elected,
a little worried, the comedy
well at the White House,
it dried up.
So thank you for
picking Joe Biden.
We appreciate that.
It was wonderful.
Joe is a great pick because
nobody is more media savvy than
Joe Biden.
Here he is with Andrea Mitchell.
Now, the word he is
looking for is Avatar.
The word he is
looking for is Avatar.
Let's take a look.
(video)
Andrea Mitchell:
You've been a very busy man.
Do you and Mrs. Biden
ever get to the movies,
academy award picks, anything
that is among the Oscar nominees?
Vice President Biden:
Yeah, as a matter of fact, we do.
And I think one of the odds-on
favorites is this new program
that I looked at it and
wished I was seeing it in 3-D,
and you sit there and you watch
this science fiction thing
unfold in front of you --
Andrea Mitchell:
Avatar?
Vice President Biden:
Avatar.
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
Avatar, Joe!
It's Avatar you're
trying to say.
(laughter)
And as you know, a lot of
republicans could not be here
tonight because of this dollar
drink night at the bondage club
so unfortunately --
(laughter)
-- yeah, and Michael
Steele is here.
Where is Michael?
There you are, Mike.
Michael, this has got to be
pretty boring entertainment for
you, isn't it?
I know what you
guys are used to.
A couple of guys
talking; come on!
That was my favorite story.
Republicans and a
lesbian bondage club.
It's ironic; republicans don't
want lesbians getting married.
But they do like to
watch them tie the knot.
So I thought that
was interesting.
(laughter)
I did think that
was interesting.
(applause)
See, Washington is
a very scary place.
Between republicans
going to bondage clubs,
the SEC looking at porn, I can't
wait to get back to Hollywood,
someplace wholesome
where people have values.
(laughter)
And I want to talk about White
House security for a moment.
Now, it's supposed to be the
most secure place in the world.
Now, here is President Obama
and Vice President Joe Biden,
the two most powerful
men in the word.
Now, watch the door behind them.
How does this
happen? Take a look.
(video)
President Obama:
Good evening, everybody.
Tonight, after nearly 100 years
of talk and frustration --
Jay Leno:
Who's that guy? How
did he get in there?
Who is that -- what,
is he on the tour?
Did he wander off?
(laughter)
And according to the Pentagon,
Al Qaeda is in financial ruin.
You know what broke them?
Health insurance premiums.
Do you know the monthly
premium for suicide bomber,
do you have any idea what it is?
(laughter)
You know, I was
thinking about this.
If you took all the money
republicans spent trying to stop
health care, and all the money
democrats have spent trying to
get health care,
you know something?
We could have had health care.
We could have had it
a couple of years ago!
Now supporters of this bill say
that the American people will
now get the same health benefits
that members of Congress get.
And, of course, that's great.
How about some of
the other perks?
The free travel; those envelopes
with the cash in them.
How about some of
that, huh, huh?
(laughter)
The "get out of jail free
cards," why can't we get that?
Well, Mr. President, you did a
great job in the passage of the
Health Care Bill, but you have
to give a lot of credit to Nancy
Pelosi for the way she sold
it to the American people --
(applause)
Well, did you see
the way she sold it?
She went to the new media.
She went to YouTube.
Here, take a look.
(video)
Nancy Pelosi:
In order to have quality
affordable health care
for all Americans it is
essential that everyone
participate when they are well.
And not just join in
when they are sick.
So it's all better
quality, lower cost,
more access if
everyone is mandated.
(applause)
And you have to admit that
President Obama's mood really
changed once that
health care bill passed.
Because I watch the shows every
day and I would see you come
into the Press Room before
the Bill passed, you know,
kind of slumped over,
looking a little depressed.
Didn't have the spark.
Here's the President the day after
the health care bill was signed.
Take a look.
(video)
Speaker:
President Obama is just
beyond the door so he should
step in here in just a second.
♪♪ "Y'all ready for this?" ♪♪
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
And as you know, the
Secretary of Defense,
Robert Gates, announced that the
Pentagon will ease up on its
enforcement of the "don't
ask - don't tell" policy.
They said that the homosexual
behavior will still be against
the rules but nobody will
be actively enforcing it.
Kind of like the ethics
regulations in Congress.
It is basically the
same sort of deal.
And of course David
Axelrod is here.
Where is David?
Yeah.
He is one of the
people, of course,
most responsible helping to
get President Obama elected.
Without him it might have been
John McCain and this would have
been an early bird dinner.
We would have been
eating at 4:30, you know?
(laughter)
You'd be home watching
"Wheel of Fortune" right now.
And of course, David Axelrod was on my
show a week ago Friday, actually.
He was on with the star of the
movie "Kick Ass" and when I told
him he was going to be on with
"Kick Ass" he said, Rahm's here?
What? What?
(laughter)
And of course, as you mentioned,
Eric Massa claimed that Rahm
confronted him in the
Congressional gym shower.
And of course,
people were shocked.
Congress has a gym?
Anybody in Congress look
like they work out, huh? Huh?
(laughter)
Did it take Barney Frank
30 years to get that body?
Really? He's been
going every day, huh?
(laughter)
What's Harry Reid bench
pressing, is it five pounds now?
(laughter)
And as you know, the President has
the most diverse staff in history.
They represent every
ward of Chicago.
And I think that is
fantastic, Mr. President.
(laughter)
We have a lot of movie stars.
Michael Douglas is here.
Where's Michael?
Michael Douglas.
As you know, he won an Oscar
for his portrayal of an evil,
greedy, Wall Street broker who
was willing to manipulate the
market for his
own personal gain.
Where does Hollywood come
up with these crazy ideas?
(laughter)
Now, Bill Maher,
where's Bill Maher?
Bill? You here?
Bill Maher, one of my
favorite comedians.
Bill is the reason we had
no opening prayer tonight.
They were afraid he would
boo, so we couldn't do that,
so I'm sorry.
And speaking of that, you know,
everybody complains about the
lack of civility on both sides.
You see it in sports.
You see it in politics.
I think we have the
answer, take a look.
(video)
President Obama:
The reforms I'm processing
would not apply to those
who are here illegally.
Senator Joe Wilson:
You lie!
Bill Maher:
Are you tired of people
saying what's on their mind?
Kanye West:
Beyonce had one of the
best videos of all time!
Bill Maher:
Everyone's got an opinion.
And they're all compelled
to share it with others.
Well, those annoying comments
can go away with this: Duct tape.
Just a few inches of this gray,
sticky fabric solves it all.
Duct tape.
The all American
solution to everything!
(applause)
Jay Leno:
Of course, Osama bin
Laden now releasing tapes
blaming the United States
for global warming.
You know, I think he's
running out of ideas, huh?
Is that the best you can do?
Even the United States blames the
United States for global warming.
I think he wants to quit
Al Qaeda and join Al Gore,
basically, when
I think about it.
(laughter)
And as you know, President Obama has
been promoting alternative energy.
Texas State University has now
developed exercise equipment
that operates electricity
when you exercise.
See, they're hoping that one
day people are able to generate
enough power from their
home by exercising, huh?
Well, you thought Americans were
hiring a lot of illegal aliens
before, huh?
Manuel, keep paddling!
(laughter)
And last month you mentioned
President Obama threw out the
first pitch at the Washington
Nationals' game against the
Philadelphia Phillies.
But they didn't tell you that
Biden got kicked out for cursing
at the umpire.
You didn't bring that
up, Mr. President.
Did you see the pitch?
It was not, it was
not a good pitch.
No, but to be fair he had just
come from an interview on MSNBC
and I think you were
used to softball,
so I think that is
probably what --
Audience:
Ohh!
Jay Leno:
Oh, I'm gonna get fired again!
(laughter)
Well, you know, I
tell you something.
A lot of critics felt that
President Bush did a better job
of getting the ball
across the plate.
That's what they said.
But on the other hand,
President Obama can talk.
So I think it balances.
(laughter)
And as you know President Obama
and the First Lady very much
committed to education.
In fact, here is
their latest program.
(video)
Comedian:
President Barack Obama says
that a good education is
everything to a child's future.
But what do with a
child that can't learn.
Or worse, a child
that won't learn?
Well, thanks to a bold
new government program,
you can trade them in!
It's cash for flunkers.
Bring in that simpleton you
call your son and get up to
$4,500 toward the purchase of
a new or select used child!
That's right.
Up to $4,500 for that
wannabe gangster.
Or that morbid/goth punk.
So don't be stuck with that
disobedient tramp you gave birth to.
Get a kid you can be proud of!
Get cash for flunkers today.
All children taken as trade-in
will be outsourced to sweat
shops in Malaysia.
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
You know, I read that book "Game
change," about a 2008 election.
Do you know what I
learned from that book?
That if reporters hold back
all the good stories in the
newspapers, they
can get really rich!
And nice to see Chris Matthews.
Chris is here.
Chris, where are 'ya?
Chris has been on the "Tonight
Show" a number of times.
Always a great guest.
He comes out, sits down, talks
straight through for ten
minutes, then I
ask him a question.
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
Then he talks for
another 20 minutes.
Let's talk about the
press for a minute.
I want you to watch how
different networks cover
the same story.
Now, remember that story a while
back about President Obama,
somebody had a jacket and they
had a big poster in Times Square
and of course the President is
not supposed to be endorsing.
Well, here's how CBS covered it.
Take a look.
(video)
Reporter:
And President Obama no longer
has a commanding presence
in another New York location.
Remember this huge billboard
with his likeness?
It was removed yesterday
from Times Square.
Mr. Obama's picture is not
supposed to be used for
commercial purposes.
Jay Leno:
Okay, now, look how Fox News
carried the exact same story.
Jay Leno:
Okay. Timing is
everything in comedy.
(laughter)
Okay.
(video)
(applause)
Jay Leno:
But, but to be fair, it
is a two-way street and I
think the White House likes to
play games with Fox News and I'm
going to show you some tape.
Now this tape has not
been altered in any way.
We didn't change
anything or do anything.
I'm going to show you some
reporters outside the White House.
Now, notice how quiet it is when
the MSNBC reporters are reporting.
And then watch what
happens with Fox.
Again, we haven't changed
it in any way. Take a look.
(video)
Reporter:
-- having a runoff election,
does make a couple
of problems go away.
Reporter:
Defense Secretary
Robert Gibbs, defense --
Reporter:
An emergence of this
side of the party isn't
necessarily a good thing
and John Boehner said --
Reporter:
Call made in the past few
minutes and it involved more
than just congratulations.
Reporter:
It's a special
Congressional race.
Upstate New York, republicans
have held it since the 19 --
Reporter:
It may be the kind of sausage
making you don't want to look
too closely at. But --
Jay Leno:
Coincidence? You be the judge.
And you mentioned the situation
in the Gulf of Mexico.
There is talk now that this oil
slick could end up being bigger
than that huge disaster
they had up in Alaska.
Really? Bigger than Sarah Palin?
That is unbelievable.
(laughter)
And Wolf Blitzer is here.
I saw him -- there you are.
Hello, wolf!
See, doesn't that sound like the
name of Sarah Palin's hunting
helicopter, the Wolf Blitzer,
doesn't it seem like that?
Wolf, the answer is stay
off celebrity jeopardy.
That is the answer.
Well, you know,
the big rumor is,
Sarah Palin may run
for President in 2012.
And as you know, she is
a former beauty queen.
If she wins it would make
history because it would mark
the first time a beauty queen
could actually bring about world peace.
They have all talked about it.
(laughter)
But she could make it happen.
Did you see her campaigning
last month with John McCain?
I like to call them
beauty and the deceased.
Isn't that what it looked like?
(laughter)
And my favorite democrat of the
last year, Senator John Edwards.
Wow!
A personal injury attorney who
turned out to be a sleazeball.
Who could have seen that coming?
(laughter)
I was stunned, stunned
by that revelation.
Well, now there's talk of
a John Edwards sex tape.
Oooh, ha?
There's something people
have never seen before.
A lawyer screwing people.
Wow!
How unusual is that?
(laughter)
And of course, the first lady of
television Betty White is here.
Where is Betty White?
(applause)
We love Betty White.
(applause)
Hi, Sweetheart!
Betty has a long
history in this town.
And as you know her first stage
performance here was interrupted
by John Wilkes Booth
and that was a sad day.
(laughter)
You know, the last time
I was here was 2004.
And at that time,
back then, Hillary,
Hillary Clinton's campaign
had $20 million in it.
Now, of course Mark
Penn has it, but, hey,
that's just
something else to do.
Little inside baseball.
Yeah. Oh, the rich guys get it. Yeah.
(laughter)
Well, you know, Newsweek is
reporting that Hillary Clinton
has been talking to friends
about stepping down as
Secretary of State.
But, you know, I think I picked
up a clue in a recent interview
of what she plans to do.
It's a little subtle,
but take a look.
(video)
Speaker:
Never is a long time so
I want to ask you again,
you're never going to
run for President again?
Secretary Clinton:
I have absolutely no interest
in running for president,
none, none.
I mean, I know that's hard for
some people to believe but --
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
And Virginia Governor
Bob McDonnell is here.
Bob, where are you?
Where is he? There you are.
I heard him say, when he heard
the President was going to be
here, he said, what,
Jefferson Davis is coming?
I couldn't believe it.
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
Ooh! This is a
tough room. All right.
My good friend Joy Bahar from
the view -- where's Joy?
Joy is here.
You know, I give the ladies of
"The View" a lot of credit.
I have seen President Obama in
tough negotiations with the
Russians, I have seen him get
in a showdown with Kim Jung Il,
I've seen him get tough
on the President of Iran,
what's his name,
Mahmood Imanutjob,
that is how you say
it, Mr. President?
Imanutjob?
But the only time I ever see him
look nervous and fidgety is on
"The View."
Now we have not altered this
tape in any way but count how
many times he fidgets here.
Take a look.
(video)
Barbara Walters:
You're used to all of this --
President Obama:
I am surrounded by women.
Barbara Walters:
So we're no surprise.
President Obama:
I am surrounded by women.
Well, no, you guys
always surprise me.
You always surprise me.
You always have something
up your sleeves.
Barbara Walters:
Well, I just want
to say that over the
weekend I reread
"Dreams From My Father."
(laughter)
Jay Leno:
All right. Let's
wind this baby up.
My favorite moment of
the past year, though,
was seeing all five living
Presidents together in the Oval
Office and then something
spontaneous happened.
And I thought it
was just fantastic!
Take a look.
(video)
♪♪ "War, What Is It Good For" ♪♪
Jay Leno:
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, this has
indeed been an honor and a privilege.
This is the greatest job I've
ever had for the President of
the United States, First
Lady Michelle Obama.
Thank you, very much, everybody!
Have a great evening, bye-bye.
(applause)
