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How The Awful Dungeon Master Absolutely Loves
Anime
This story was submitted by Austin.
Thank you!
First, some backstory.
I hate D&D 5e.
From the restrictive mechanics, to the bullcrap
lore that contradicts literally decades of
lore that has been built (and to be fair,
a lot of the contradictions started in 4e),
I loathe the 5.0e system with every fiber
of my body.
I am an OG player, and I have played everything
from the original D&D up to 5e, and 3.0/3.5e
is my favorite; Pathfinder is a close second.
But, a few weeks ago, I decided "Hey, I can't
really say I hate something if I do not try
it, right?" and joined up with some folks
to play D&D 5e.
This was a bad decision…
Do not get me wrong.
Tom, Dave, and Shelby are great to play with,
but the DM is… and the setting…
Just… keep listening.
The party consists of the following level
5 (now level 6) PCs (Player names are changed
for privacy):
~my Dragonborn Paladin Arcrath (Oath of the
Crown): I play him very traditionally.
He is Lawful Good, hates Evil beings, and
especially loathes evil Dragons and Demons/Devils/Fiends.
~Dave's Halfling Barbarian Gar (Totem): Chaotic
Good, raised by wolves, is not very civilized.
~Tom's Human Fighter Maximus (Battle Master):
Lawful Neutral, ex-Soldier
~Shelby's Elf Ranger Vashedan (Horizon Walker):
Chaotic Good
~Sasuke: the Weeaboo DM.
Ex party members are:
~Mike's Demon Bard/Fighter/Rogue/Warlock/Sorcerer,
Vagaris (He killed himself in character, and
player left the group.
Details below) Chaotic Stupid, loves to start
crap, player is a good guy, character was
an a-hole.
~Sarah's Human Sorcerer Luxanna.
Lux's player only wanted to blow *bleep* up.
Didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything
except "FIREBALL".
We called her Megumin, for obvious reasons.
Chaotic Good, player had no idea what she
was doing, but it was fine.
We accommodated her, until her Player left
after realizing that D&D is not "kill kill,
murder kill" all the time.
OK, so, that is the party.
And the title is a reference to DanMachi.
Also, it should be noted that before we made
our characters, we knew NOTHING about the
setting we were playing in.
It was a fight just to get Sasuke to tell
us what level to make our characters.
We did not know if we were doing a Good vs
Evil, or Evil vs Good, or a sandbox campaign.
We did not know if it was a module, or a homebrew
campaign.
We did not know if the physical setting was
official or homebrew.
It was like pulling teeth to get any information
out of Sasuke before Session 0.
We finally learned that were were starting
at level 5, with the basic gear for a level
1 (I am not kidding), and it was a completely
custom setting and story, and please, don't
be evil.
That is all we were told.
I asked if Unearthed Arcana was ok, since
it's 5e playtest, and Sasuke (after 3 days)
said sure.
And to quash any "well, you're just upset
cause you can't powergame" crap: I would gladly
give up my Tunnel Fighter Fighting Style,
and my Sentinel Feat and be "forced" to take
the 2 ASI's if Sasuke would get his crap together.
So, here we go.
Session 1: Calm before the Storm:
We began coming to the main town of Orario,
and we get some backstory.
Turns out, the town has a dungeon tower, familias
of different gods…
Oh, and Hell and Heaven are connected to the
Mortal Plane by tunnel-like connections.
Portals, really, but that is only cause D&D
doesn't have Wormhole mechanics in 5e.
Heaven works… basically exactly like it
does in Final Fantasy 13, and Hell is split
into three factions.
Two, I don't remember, and one being the Great
Tomb of Nazerick, run by Ainz Ooal Gown.
Yes, this is what we are dealing with.
Still, I have played, and run, anime inspired
games, so it is not too bad.
We get to the sign up station for the adventuring
guild (taken straight out of KonoSuba), and
we had to wait in line.
OK, neat.
Arcrath and Gar also meet Vagaris, a Demon,
who does not believe in the Gods, despite
having a Celestial Patron.
I am not kidding.
Vagaris was making trouble cussing at the
officials and generally being an a-hole.
But, I have the Noble Background, so I should
be able to push my weight around and get to
the front faster, because Noble, right?
Nope.
Turns out, only the nobles in Orario matter,
and everyone else is worthless.
No one cares about the nobles from outside
the city, making my background useless outside
of the free 25GP.
So my background is useless.
Me and Gar's player, (Dave) protest this,
and Sasuke shrugs and basically tells us,
“too bad.”
Gar then does some acrobatics to impress the
guards, and we are let through.
Yes, my noble blood was useless, but some
flips and spins from a Halfling got us in…
We eventually get signed up and get our Character
Sheets, in game ala KonoSuba, and end session
1.
Me and Dave are a bit put off, but hey, a
rocky first session run buy a guy who's new
to the DM's chair is not a new thing, and
maybe it will get better.
Session 2: Could we have been wrong?:
Session two sees us entering the dungeon where
we meet up with Vashedan and Luxanna, and
continue on.
We fight a couple things, a Boar and mud monster
being the only mentionable ones, and my Sentinel
Feat allows us to run past the mud monster
to level 2.
Vashedan uses his Find Portal ability to guide
us toward the end of the dungeon, and we find
an abandoned town, in the middle of the blizzard
currently raging around us.
Yes, a town in the dungeon, based on DanMachi,
and it is not in a safe zone.
It did not make sense to me either.
We break into a house and use it for shelter
to ride out the storm, burning the furniture
inside it in the fireplace.
Our party finds a scroll case, and Gar, being…
well, Gar, opens it up and reads it.
It is Dark Speech (Demon language), and Gar's
eyes go black for a second before I snatch
the scroll away and toss it in the fire.
Arcrath, knowing enough about religion to
recognize the Dark Speech, acts on a hunch.
And I will admit, I metagamed a little bit
here, but kept it in character and used his
Divine Senses to sniff out any Demons/Devils/Fiends
in the area.
Of course Vagaris lights up, that is to be
expected, but Gar also lights up, and Arcrath
knows Gar is no being from the Lower Realms,
so Arcrath uses his Channel Divinity and taunts
the demon into coming out and fighting.
Sasuke begged and pleaded with me not to do
it, because "The demon is too strong for your
party."
Keep in mind, we were all level 5, and I was
min/maxed to all hell, or as much as I could
be with piss-poor stats I rolled up.
I could feasibly do 4d8 (1d8 from Warhammer,
2d8 from Divine Smite, +1d8 Divine Smite against
Demon) +2d6 (Searing Strike) +STR mod damage
in one attack, because of Divine Smite and
Searing Strike, so this had to be a BIG demon.
All of us except for Mike would not back down,
claiming, and rightfully so, that all of this
was acting in character, and I had every right
to call out the Demon.
If we died, we died.
No one was upset at me, since I was not metagaming
that they knew.
Again, I was sort of metagaming, but keeping
it 100% in character.
Long story short, the Devil came out, and
was immediately beaten into a bloody pulp.
Gar actually ripped its throat out with her
teeth!
We continue on, and eventually teleport back
to town.
All in all, a damn good session, and nothing
to complain about…
Then we get to
Session 3: Slaves, and apparently our Barbarian
can't break a lock:
Session three sees us back in town, and we
accidentally got ourselves into a slave auction.
The exact slave shop from Rising of the Shield
Hero.
Arcrath, being Lawful Good, does not like
this.
Maximus, being Lawful Neutral, does not like
this.
Gar, being Gar, does not like slavers.
Arcrath lets out a deafening roar, Nat 20
on Intimidate!
And says, "Bring me your boss, or I'm cracking
everyone's skulls".
Nine guards jump us instantly, but I had used
my bonus action after roaring to settle into
a defensive position.
I activated my Tunnel Fighter (Fighting Style)
and as they approached us, I got to smack
every one of them, dealing enough damage to
drop them all before they could do anything
more than cough.
I felt like a badass…
Tunnel Fighter allows you to use a Bonus Action
on your turn so that, until your next turn,
you no longer use your Reaction to make Opportunity
Attacks.
It is not broken on its own, but when you
combine it with Sentinel and Mage Slayer…
The boss comes out, and Arcrath, Gar, and
Maximus make short work of him, though he
escapes before we can apprehend him.
Ok, neat little adventure hook.
I can dig it…
Except SPOILER ALERT: It's never brought up
again.
After the guards and boss are taken care of,
we move to freeing the non-hostile slaves.
There is a bunny girl in one of the cages,
and since Gar is still raging, Dave decides
to punch the lock off the chain, ‘cause
Raging Barbarian.
Dave rolls a 21.
Good, Right?
I mean, hey, locks are DC 15 to pick them,
and chains have a DC 20 to break them right?
Well…
Sasuke rolled for the DC and got a 23.
Yes, you read that right.
Sasuke rolled for the Difficulty Check for
something that is not a contested roll.
Now, this was not the first time he had done
it, but it was definitely the most egregious.
See, Dave and I had already called Sasuke
out on this back in session 1…
He said he would stop.
He did not.
So, I looked up the DC to break a chain or
lock, and found the DC 20 STR check to break
chains.
Sasuke said "Ok, we will do it again," and
we thought that meant "OK, we will use the
actual rules, go ahead and roll again".
So Dave rolled, and got a 16, which is not
high enough, and then Sasuke ROLLED AGAIN
for the damn DC.
He got a 26 this time.
Now, since only mine, Dave, and Tom's characters
were there, the others could not really protest
it, ‘cause no metagaming, and Sasuke used
that to his advantage.
"Well they, Sarah, Shelby, Mike did not say
anything against it, so it is just you 3 that
have an issue with it…”
We bickered back and forth, and got him to
say he would stop rolling after about 15 minutes
of fighting about it.
Spoilers: He did not stop.
We get back to the Adventurer's Guild and
are told that if we want to go back into the
dungeon i.e. further the plot we have to join
a Familia DanMachi.
Our choices are:
Hephaestus, Goddess of the Forge.
Hestia, Goddess of Hearth and Home.
Takemikazuchi, Warrior God of Battle and Honor.
Arcrath explains that he already serves a
God, Bahamut, the Platinum Dragon Godking
and that his Faith and Service will be to
Bahamut first and foremost.
Sasuke was salty as hell about it, but finally
acquiesced.
Lady Hephaestus agreed, and Dave, Tom, and
I joined the Hephaestus Familia.
We gained Proficiency in Smith Tools and Tom's
character gained Expertise, since he already
had proficiency which was good, since our
plan is to make our own weapons and armor
to save money.
Also, Me, Dave and Tom have a 10% discount
on buying raw materials.
So that is also nice.
Vagaris and Vashedan join Takemikazuchi's
familia, and Vagaris tries to out-swordplay
the literal god of battle.
It goes about as well as you would think.
Everyone laughs at him, In character, and
Out of character.
All in all, the session was a wash.
Some good, some bad.
Session 4: Vagaris's death:
So, session 4… not a lot happens.
There's a ball, the Gods want to show off
their children, and Apollo takes a liking
to Vagaris.
Long story short, Apollo Charms Vagaris, and
since Vagaris was a tool to everyone including
Takemikazuchi, and no one was too keen on
helping him.
Apollo...
I will be blunt, Apollo… takes advantage
of him.
I mean, you can't really say "no" when you
are under a Dominate Creature spell… and
the player rage quits the game.
Has his character commits Seppuku, and left
the group chat.
Do I think Sasuke went a little too far?
Kinda.
Was it necessary to knock Mike's character
down a couple pegs and humble him so he stops
being the biggest jerk in 100 miles?
YES!
Also, Luxanna left us after not getting to
blow anything up.
Session 4 was funny, but also infuriating
with it's railroading…
The entire situation where Vagaris was an
unbearable jerk to everyone, including the
literal Gods and Goddesses, then had something
bad happen to him and no one would interject
‘cause he deserved it was the needed lesson.
To be honest, we did not know that Apollo
was going to do that to him; we may have intervened
if we had known that, cause yeah, doing that
is crossing the line… but Vagaris needed
to be taught a lesson, and it was either that,
or my Paladin was going to Smite him so hard
he would wish he was in bed with Apollo…
Session 5: A DMPC too far:
Session 5 takes us back into the dungeon,
and we have a tag-along with us.
A member of the Takemikazuchi familia is guiding
us through the dungeon.
Ok, another party member.
This can't go wrong, right?
Ha.
I wish.
We are yada-yada'd through a bit of the dungeon
and come upon a Yeti CR 9.
We are all now Level 6, and there's 4 of us.
Me, Dave, Tom, and Shelby Ok, not too bad.
We get hit with the Yeti's Chilling Gaze,
and only Tom breaks free.
The Yeti dies eventually, and Shelby's character
yells at the NPC for not helping us.
The NPC whose name I still do not remember
says, "Well, I wanted to see how you would
fare in combat.
I was testing you.
If you were going to die I could have killed
it for you".
That is right, the NPC could have one-shot
a CR 9 Yeti.
Fun Fact: Abominable Yetis have an average
137 HP.
Dave and I can't say anything because we are
stunned, but Vashedan tears into her verbally,
basically saying "we do not answer to you.
We answer to our Gods.
Either you are going to help us, or you are
going to leave us alone.
Those are your options.
Take them, or leave them.
I don't care.”
Us players were really pissed off after that,
so we decided to end the session there.
With the holidays and schedule issues, we
have not been able to play.
However, Shelby and I did have a talk with
the DM, and told him "Look, Sasuke, we like
you as a person, and we like the setting so
far.
But you need to stop with the all powerful
DMPCs, and you need to stop rolling for DCs
that are not contested".
He tried to defend himself saying, "You just
don't understand why I'm doing this" and it
went back and forth for 30 minutes before
me and Shelby finally said, "Shut up, and
listen.
It does not matter why.
The issue is that you are doing it at all,
and if you do not stop, the four of us are
going to drop the game.
Do you understand us?"
He finally said yes, so hopefully it is fixed.
We have another session tonight so we'll see…
Session 6: A light at the end of the tunnel?:
Just got out of tonight's session, and it
went remarkably well.
It was a little rocky due to some miscommunication
between the DM and us (mainly because the
DM and I were a bit fuzzy headed because of
pain pills), but he stopped rolling for DCs
that are not contested, and the NPCs (apparently
there are 2 of them now, that was news to
us) were not OP enough to one shot things,
and actually helped us fight.
Gar was nearly taken out by 2 Nat 20 attacks
in a row, but thanks to her Barbarian's Rage
she survived (gotta love that damage resistance!).
All in all, it was a good session.
If Sasuke keeps on this track, then I won't
be making any more posts about it.
But rest assured, I will be making more posts
if he starts doing the stupid crap he was
doing again…
I really hope he does not though, because
I like the setting.
Is the setting worth the pain and struggle?
Maybe in the end the DM will improve and everyone
will be happy.
We’ll see!
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