Happy SaturKay everybody!
I hope you are doing well,
and I hope your Saturday
is going swimmingly.
However, I wanted
to come to you today
because there is
a food video that
has been brought to my attention
that we need to discuss.
Now listen I know there are
pictures of me behind me.
But you know what, you could
just mind your business because
just like RuPaul said, if
you don't love yourself,
how in the hell are you
going to love somebody else?
Can I get an amen?
Amen.
Ok, let me start from the top.
I'm starting off
with my bologna here.
I'm using a pork bologna.
I like the flavor that's in it.
Ok, now pause.
Ok, now first of all,
why she say pork bologna
like there's different kinds?
Because I ain't never heard of
no beef or no chicken bologna.
Baby, bologna is bologna.
Side note, the only reason
I know how to spell bologna
is because of Oscar Mayer.
You know the little song
that come on the commercials.
Anyway, let's keep going.
A little X in the center.
It helps it not curl up--
Now that's smart
because you know
the bologna be burbling up.
Put a little butter on it.
We need butter.
Just throw my bologna
right on there.
Ok, that's smart,
so it don't stick.
Great, great, great.
Some people like to do yellow
mustard on their bologna--
Ok, now let's stop again.
Let's stop again.
Now she's making a
sandwich here, ok.
Now this is what I like
to call a struggle meal.
See I used to make
bologna sandwiches
all the time because it's
easy and cost effective.
Ok, now let's keep going.
--mayonnaise.
So I'm doing both.
Oh my god.
Now pause, pause.
Hold up, hold up.
Now girl.
That bologna right
there in the back.
That bologna back
there in the back.
You all see it?
Now what is it?
What is it?
It's burnt.
Ok, I just wanted to make
sure we all saw that.
Now let's keep going.
--on that.
Oh my god.
--cheese right on there.
Now she's going to put
this cheese on here, ya'll.
All right so here we go.
Now watch.
Now-- what?
Pause.
Why?
Why?
Tell me what scrambling
this bologna and cheese
is going do to make
this sandwich taste any
different than what
it would if you just
scooped it on off the
griddle and put it on there.
That's a mess.
And my thing is
that I love to cook,
ya'll but I hate to clean up.
That's a lot to clean up.
You done put this processed
cheese all on this griddle,
so it done stuck to the griddle
no matter how much butter
you put on there.
Child please.
OK.
Absolutely not.
Mmhmm.
Let's keep going.
Let's keep going.
All right so here we go.
This is cooking for
real right here.
[LAUGHING]
Now we take some
barbecue potato chips
to give us a little texture--
I've put some potato chips
on my sandwiches before.
No.
No lettuce.
And no relish.
You have gentrified
a struggle meal.
Now I'm not saying this isn't
good because it may be good.
But listen, struggle
meals are sacred.
Now who's going to try it?
Sunny.
She the only one eating it.
Perfectly fried bologna.
No, no, no.
So listen ya'll.
I'm not saying it's not good.
It may be good.
This Food Network.
They credible.
Whatever.
But I'm going to do this.
And I'm going to show you all
some other struggle meals,
so you know how to
eat on the budget
if you broke like I used to be.
Ok, let's get into it.
[THEME MUSIC]
All right so based off
that atrocity that we just
witnessed from there,
I decided that it
is back to school
time, which means
it's back to struggle meals.
Now what is a struggle meal?
Urban Dictionary defines
it as a cheap meal or snack
bought at the
store usually eaten
by broke college students.
And I would know because
I used to be one.
But even if you aren't
a broke college student,
you could still prepare
a struggle meal,
so you don't feel left out.
So today I'm going
to teach you how
to create some of the most
iconic struggle meals.
Let's do it.
All right so I call
this dish Vienna & Mac.
Vienna & Mac.
I like that.
That's bougie.
Now I ain't never had this
before, just a disclaimer.
I want you all to
know I don't eat this.
But this is what I heard
from some other people
that be struggling
is that they take
easy mac, which is really easy.
You make macaroni and
cheese in your little thing,
and it's instant.
You put it in there,
put it in microwave.
It's really good.
Make sure it got a
good sound to it.
I actually do love easy mac.
Oh shoot.
I'm sorry.
I have eaten mac
and cheese before.
So now we going
to come over here,
and we're going cut
our Vienna sausages.
And this is what folks be
eaten up in the dormitories.
[SNIFFING]
Mmhmm.
All right so we just going
to pop these up in here.
You all have had
beanies and weenies?
That's another
good struggle meal.
Pork and beans and hot dogs.
Now that's the bop right there.
One time I was shopping for
some beanies and weenies.
And I went down the aisle.
My mama told me I
couldn't have them.
The next thing I knew, I
got home and the damn can
had followed me
all the way home.
You all know that commercial?
You all don't know
that commercial.
When they at the grocery
store, and the kid walking down
the aisle he wants the
beanies and weenies?
What in the hell.
See, that's because
you all had cable.
All those of us that
only had local channels
we got the poor
people commercials.
All right and there you go.
There's my mac and cheese
and Vienna sausages.
I made a mess, but that's what
happens when you're struggling.
Am I going to try this?
Hell no.
Bon appetit.
Next.
[CLUB MUSIC]
We going to make
some ramen, baby.
So I'm going to use the
chicken flavor because that's
my favorite kind.
I like chicken.
Only costs $0.25.
I can't even get
the package open.
Every piece of
this is a struggle.
What-- how you make this?
I like to break up the
noodles because personally I
think they kind of long
if you just put them
all in here all at once.
Anything that crunches like
that should not go in your body,
but to each his own.
Struggling.
Now we got to cook
this for three minutes,
stirring occasionally.
All I have is this knife.
[CREEPY MUSIC]
Oh my god.
It's a struggle y'all.
Maybe I can only
afford at knife.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
So now we're going to stir our
noodles up in this little bowl
here.
Where my seasoning?
Here we go.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Oh let me turn it off first.
Look at it all foamy.
Is that natural?
But it don't matter.
Why?
Because we struggling today.
And ain't nobody eating it.
[COUGHING]
Struggling.
[JAZZY MUSIC]
There you go.
Mmhmm.
Now if you're feeling
real flavorful,
come over here to
this beef packet.
And you going to put this
beef seasoning in it too so
then you get a little
chicken beef flavor.
Back in the day
in my high school,
people used to sell these
out their locker, ya'll.
[LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Oh I miss them days.
Those are great days.
There go chicken and beef.
Struggling.
The struggle.
Thank you, sugar.
[JAZZY MUSIC]
Oh, don't that look delicious?
Now some people just
eat it like this
with the seasoning by itself.
And some people eat
it with the broth,
so we're going to poor
some broth in here.
That's enough.
As you can see, the
chemicals in the ramen
make the dish kind of foggy.
Struggling.
[LATIN DANCE MUSIC]
I forgot to put my hot sauce.
Oh that strong.
You can probably get
this at the Dollar Tree.
[LATIN DANCE MUSIC]
For those that
like it real spicy.
[LAUGHING]
All right now we
going to stir it up.
[LATIN DANCE MUSIC]
Oh yeah, smells like
a good old enchilada.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Now our next and final
item is something too
I have never eaten before.
What's it called?
Syrup sandwich.
And this consists
of bread and syrup.
Dang, they don't even want
you to get to the damn bread.
They got 50 million
wrappers on it, Jesus.
We got some good old
Aunt Jemima over here.
People in the suburbs probably
get that Log Cabin syrup.
Because they got money.
Put the syrup on this bread.
And make sure we cover all
the crevices of the bread.
Bloop.
And there you go.
Syrup sandwich.
Now people like
this syrup sandwich
because they say it's a good
mixture of sweet and yeast.
And baby this, when
you get to this point,
you know something wrong.
And you better go collect
unemployment or something,
Jesus.
Did you-- I got to
tell you all this.
[ELECTRIC PIANO MUSIC]
Because I didn't find this
out until my senior year
of college.
If you are a college
student, did you
know that you can apply
for benefits and welfare?
So all this time
I been struggling
to buy groceries in
college, and I could
have been getting food stamps.
Are you kidding me?
They didn't tell me that
until my senior year.
Don't get too prideful.
You better go get
your food stamps.
Well, I hope that was
informative for all
of your struggling needs.
But actually I want
to know what is some
of you all's struggle meals?
If you got some, go
ahead and throw them up
into the comments, and I'm going
to look at them later today.
See you all later.
[THEME MUSIC]
