[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
What’s happening people who are too stoned
to find anything good on TV? Well, don’t
worry I got a video for you! So there’s
this show on TLC called: “Toldlers and Tiaras”.
It’s about pageant kids and it’s total
garbage that’s why it’s so entertaining.
Now, someone has taken a clip from the show
of this little, and she’s all cute and stuff,
right? Now they slowed the clip down and now
the girl sounds like she drank a fifth of
vodka!
[Slow Mo Girl - Clip]
Can’t breath when he sprays it, can’t
even smell, can’t even do nothing. [coughs]
Oh, I can feel it right now, in my mouth ewww!~
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
That is the funniest (beep)in thing ever!
Why does she sound like she’s in the slow
class. Now I don’t like sh^ting on little
kids, figuratively, or literally, mainly figuratively!
But this little girl in slow motion sounds
like your friggin mother after I slipped her
a couple of roofies!
[Slow Mo Girl - Clip - Thoughts On Hair Spray]
Oh, I can feel it right now! In my mouth!
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
It’s just facinating and creepy and it got
100,000 views in a week. And like, I can barely
make any jokes about it cause the video is
so weird on so many levels. Weird just because
it’s just a cute little girl. Weird cause
they slowed it down just the right amount
and now she sound like a friggin Walrus with
Throat Cancer.
[Slow Mo Girl - Clip]
Oh, I can feel it right now! In my mouth!
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Can’t we all.
[Cool Transition]
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
You guys, know me, and you know I especially
love it when new anchors (beep) up! Well these
guys here over at Channel 26 are talking about
this G-Shot which is a collagen injection
into a women’s v@g^n@ and it’s suppose
to make her org@sm more~ I know, since when
did women start having org@sms? Any-who! So
this news anchor here(left) totally (beeps)
up!
[Catherine Shreves – News Anchor Talks About
Enjoying G Spot Shot News Fail - Clip]
[News Anchor Blond Women]
Susan, who you met on our story says, that
is one appointment she is not going to miss,
cause she says it worked for her.
[News Anchor Michael]
So she is enjoying p&n^s a little bit more,
is she?
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So she’s enjoying p&n^s a little bit more,
is she? Yes, yes, she is! Thank you captain
awkward! You know if dude’s gonna say that,
he should of just went all out, so she’s
enjoying p&n^s a little bit more, is she?
Well, I bet she’d really enjoy my black
gigantic throbbing – now this video is a
little old, it got 300,000 views in a year,
I didn’t get to review it last year so I’m
doing it now, and I want you to look at the
woman’s face when the subject of p&n^s gets
brought up!
[News Anchor Blond Women]
(facial reaction expression)
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
What the hell kind of reaction is that (LEZBO)
lesbian, you know, she says, thank you for
clarifying that Michael. But she doesn’t
see to be all that thankful. Does she? You
know what reminds me of that time I made a
boner joke in Church and people got all upset,
like, I was in the wrong, you know, I actually
don’t blame the new anchor for saying that
cause ladies, I am of the firm belief that
my p&n^s can solve all of your problems.
[Cool Transition]
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Guys, I’m always looking for a new favorite
Red-Neck and no, it’s not this little girl.
[Slow Mo Girl - Clip]
Oh, I can feel it right now! In my mouth!
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
That’s so wrong, NO! My new favorite red-neck
is this guy.
[Chainsaw Stunt - Clip]
[Stephen Grant]
How you all doin’? Stephen Grant here worlds
strongest Red-neck! You remember I did lawn
mower on a stick to do my hedges! Well, this
year I came up with an even better idea!
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So ya! This guy gets this brilliant idea to
trim his hedges by tieing a chainsaw to a
rope! This is very dangerous, DO NOT! DO NOT
(BEEPIN) TRY THIS at home!
[Stephen Grant - Chainsaw Stunt - Clip]
(swings the chainsaw with a rope)
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Aright, again, let me reiterate, you see where
I added those words there: *** DON’T F***KING
TRY THIS AT HOME!*** Ya! Don’t try this
at home! I mean that sh^t! Ah, come on! I
don’t want you coming back to me with all
injured with one leg! I’ll – I’ll be
pissed!~~~~~ I’ll whop a handicapped dude’s
@ss in public!~~ I don’t give a (beep)!~~
Any-who~~~ my new favorite red-neck Steve
McGranahan. Is out of his friggin mind!~ Oh
Oh Oh my god, it don’t – it almost got
him! Now this video only got 50,000 views
but it appeared on Jimmy Kimmel but I gotta
admit it’s a brilliant (idea) way to trim
the hedges! It saves you all that time and
trouble of grabbing a pair of pruners and
moving 5 feet forward! But I love old’ Steve
here, old’ Steve here, is the kind of guy
who (beep)in moves his front lawn with a hand
grenade, I mean, the dude has got a whole
Youtube Channel, full of video where he where
he does this crazy sh^t!~ Seriously, after
watching his videos, Steve should be concerned
might injure his gigantic ballz, but don’t
worry Steve I’m with you, cause come the
zombie apocalypse, I want you on my side.
Oh, real quick, before I forget guys, I made
a new favor, favorite, your favorite martian
cartoon, it’s me and DeStrom and we jump
into like a bunch of fighting games and kick
a bunch of @ss! (tuss, tuss, tuss) it’s
just like my real life! Ahm, go check it out,
we appreaciate your support, love ya! So ya,
guys, honestly, Steve is my new favorite red-neck!
Sorry, little girl.
[Slow Mo Girl - Clip]
Oh, I can feel it right now! In my mouth!
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Oh, that is just unfortunate! But you know
what you can never feel in your mouth? The
comment question of the day which comes from
a user name bam boobsmakemehappy1, nice user
name and he said:
[boobsmakemehappy1]
What happened to you family?
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So what happened to you family? Mine just
happened to die in a horrible chainsaw accident,
thanks a lot Steve, so ya, leave your interesting
and creative responses in the comment section
below, or on Facebook or Twitter
[Cool Transition]
[Ray William Johnson]
But thanks for watching today’s episode
of Equals Three, I’m Ray William Johnson,
and I approve this message. b^tch&s, so tell
me guys, knock knock, who’s there?
[Outer]
(The outer song Ray William Johnson – Fight
To Win – Featuring – DeStorm.)
