

### Your Change is Coming

By Antony Douglas

Smashwords Edition

Arts Council funded Copyright © 2014 Antony Douglas

Published in 2013 by FeedARead.com Publishing

License Notes: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Table of Contents

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty-one

Twenty-two

Twenty-three

Twenty-four

Twenty-five

Twenty-six

Twenty-seven

Twenty-eight

Twenty-nine

Thirty

Thirty-one

Thirty-two

Thirty-three

Thirty-four

Thirty-five

Thirty-six

Dedication

Acknowledgements

# One

Naomi and her mum were deep in a conversation walking through Lower Ashworth Park in the early morning of a midsummer's day, when unexpectedly a masked man leaped out of the hedges and held a knife to Naomi's throat. The tall figure of a man threatened to stab her for money. His large, dirty hands were shaking uncontrollably. He was waiting there for some time. His voice sounded strangely familiar to Naomi's mum.

"Do I know you?"

"No."

He was cold and emotionless as though he was in a trance. The man must be on heavy drugs. He wore a balaclava hiding his face. His piercing ebony eyes isolated Naomi as the weakest link.

Naomi felt numb and was panic-stricken. Mrs. Ava Brown tried to calm down her eleven years old daughter, Naomi.

"It will be okay, my darling."

"Woman, give me your money or I will kill your daughter."

"Don't you harm her? I'll give you anything you want, but don't harm her!"

"Hurry up woman or she'll be a dead girl. Do you think I'm joking?"

The man wielded a large metal blade reflecting the bright sunlight into Mrs. Ava Brown's face which frightened her to death and she replied, "Oh no, no-one is laughing at you, son."

He tightened his grip around Naomi's throat pulling her closer to his body. She hated his unwashed smells invading her personal space. It made her feel intensely sick. His clothing was filthy and his finger nails were black like a man who had lived rough on the streets for years. Naomi felt vulnerable and unsafe. Her mum tried to protect her.

"I am begging you, please, don't harm my daughter."

"Give me your money or else."

Mrs. Ava Brown nervously emptied the full content of her handbag onto the grass. Her bag was in a chaotic state. Having tipped over her handbag, she rediscovered a few out of date aspirins and fragments of last year cream cracker. The bottom of the bag was covered with sticky sweets glued to the lining. The coins were concealed inside of the torn lining of her handbag.

"Please leave my daughter alone, you."

"Give me your money, then."

"Thank God for Jesus I've found some coins. Here they are and now leave us alone."

"Is that all you've got?"

"Yes."

"I want more money."

"That's all I've got."

"Please, I'm begging you to leave my daughter alone, man," cried Naomi's mum.

Mrs. Ava Brown, was a woman in her mid-forties with a bodily shape of a sumo wrestler, she shouted the name of Jesus and went into the spiritual realm. She spoke in foreign languages and the man became so afraid that he released his hold on Naomi. He pressed both of his hands against his ears.

"Tell her to shut up, will you?" and "Make her stop it."

"I can't," pleaded Naomi.

Mrs. Ava Brown was lost in the spirit and the man ran quickly through the alleyway leaving both Naomi and her mother in tears. Mrs. Ava Brown hugged Naomi and waved her hands in the air praising God. Naomi would normally be embarrassed by her mother behaviour of waving her hands in the air and shouting the name of Jesus in public. Before the mugging it was not so cool to praise God. It had usually attracted the unwelcomed attentions of her school friends. For the first time in her life Jesus was all right and he had saved her life.

Naomi was now scared of the community she grew up in and had called her home. For Naomi, the neighbourhood was no longer a safe place to live in. It had changed dramatically over a number of years because of drug dealers peddling addictions. Most of the houses on her street were burgled to feed drug habits.

"Are you okay, my darling?"

"Yes mum. I am a little bit shaken."

Mrs. Ava Brown shouted, "He is a thief!"

"Calm yourself down, mum."

"Okay, honey."

"We need to report him to the police, Naomi."

"The police won't do anything, mum."

"We can't let him think he can go around robbing innocent people. His voice sounded so familiar to me, Naomi."

"Do you know him, mum? Who is he?"

"I think he is living locally in our area."

"Mum, he's a monster. He should be locked away in prison."

"Where is the nearest police station, Naomi?"

"It's at the other end of the park."

" I wish dad was here."

"He's away on missionary work for the church, mum."

"He's never here when you need him."

Naomi held her mother's hand on their way to the police station. Naomi kept her eyes focused on every hedge in the park anticipating another attack from the knifeman.

"Here it is, Naomi."

"I can't go inside the police station, mum. I am feeling too anxious."

"Yes, you can, Naomi."

Mrs. Ava Brown gently coached Naomi to go inside the police station. As they approached the duty desk, an overweight officer, Arthur Jenks, sat bonded to his chair. He had barely notice them as he was lost in his paperwork. Mrs. Ava Brown pressed the bell repetitively to attract his attention.

"Hello officer," said Mrs. Ava Brown.

He raised his head from the mountain of paperwork. Mrs. Ava Brown and Naomi stared at his thin strands of grey and black hair sparingly covering his bald white patch. They thought to themselves, how a man of his size, a hippo, could possibly be running after criminals? He had spent far too many years sitting behind the desk typing out enquiries from members of the public due to his poor health. He was a bit disgruntled with working behind the front desk because he wanted to be out there solving crimes on the streets.

"Good morning ladies, what can I do to help you?"

Mrs. Ava Brown wasn't at her most vocally best. The trauma of the incident affected her speech. Her head were scrambling for the words to say and they came out all repetitively.

"Officer, my daughter has been a victim of a serious crime."

"Yes."

"Officer, my daughter has been a victim of a serious crime."

"You told me that before. Take a seat and someone will speak to you later."

"No. I need to report a crime."

The duty officer called in another police officer to speak to Mrs. Ava Brown and her daughter, Naomi. He was a tall, slim and young man with a full set of his own hair. He was strikingly handsome in appearance with youthful looks. A clear skin without blemish, sharply pointed noise, bright blue eyes and he was dress in a smart, navy blue suit. He turned to the mother and her daughter to begin the interview.

"Officer, my daughter has been a victim of a most serious crime."

"Please come with me to the interview room."

She followed the young officer into the room. It was a small room with a large tape recorder on the table. Before they were seated he asked her an awareness question.

"Do you know who the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is?"

"He is Tony Brown."

"Good girl."

"Pardon me. I'm a grown woman and am old enough to be your mother."

"I meant you no harm."

"Okay, my darling."

"Madam, please take a seat in the interview room and afterwards I can take a statement from you."

"Can my daughter come too?"

"We will need to interview you both separately."

"What is your full name and address?"

"My name is Mrs. Ava May Brown and I live at 24 Lower Street, Lower Ashworth."

"Are you from Africa or the Caribbean?"

"Pardon me, officer."

Mrs. Ava Brown was a woman of mixed heritage with light brown skin and plaited hair. She felt alienated by the police officer comments. She wasn't white enough to be British. She had a right to be British. She had been cooking English meals for the patients in the Royal Hospital for over twenty years. She had paid her taxes and was insulted by the officer's line of questioning.

"Are you from Africa or the Caribbean?"

"My daughter is a victim of a serious crime and you are asking me about my ethnic background. Shame on you, officer."

"It's just for monitoring purposes only."

"Why don't you monitor the area and find the thief who had threatened to kill me daughter?"

"Do you want me to proceed with your witness statement or not madam?"

"Yes officer."

"Then please answer my questions."

"Yes officer."

"What is your ethnic background?"

"I am a black African, Caribbean woman whose father was British born."

"Thank you for that. Can you tell me what happened to your daughter?"

"Oh yes. My daughter was a victim of a serious crime."

"When did the crime take place? And who committed the crime against your daughter?"

"I have told you before officer, a serious crime had taken place."

"Where did this serious crime take place?"

"It happened in the park."

"Which park?"

"It was in Lower Ashworth Park."

"We are now getting somewhere. What happened inside the park?"

"A serious crime was committed against my daughter."

"Unless you tell me what had actually happened to your daughter you will be wasting police time."

"You are not taking this investigation seriously, officer."

"I take every crime seriously but I need a statement from you."

The officer was perplexed by Mrs. Ava Brown repetitive comments contained within her witness statement. Her statement was awry and ineffectual. He must now turn to Naomi for further clarification of the incident.

"I have decided to stop this interview and we will speak to your daughter."

A confused and distressed Mrs. Ava Brown left the interview room in floods of tears and she greeted her daughter with a hug in the reception area of the police station.

"Are you okay, mum?"

"Yes me dear" and "I warned you, my daughter, that the police won't do anything."

"We are doing all that we can to help you, madam."

"Can I ask you, young lady, to accompany me to the interview room for questioning?"

"Yes."

"I need to take down a witness statement from you to help us with our investigation."

"She is far too young to be interviewed on her own, officer."

"You are welcome to attend the interview room with your daughter."

"I need you here, mum."

"I'll sit in the background and you can talk to the police love as my brain is a bit dazed."

Mrs. Ava Brown and Naomi followed the young officer into the interview room. He offered Naomi a chair and sat opposite to her. She inspected the chair before sitting on it.

"Can you tell me in your own words what had happened to you in the park?"

"A young black man wearing a mask held a knife to my throat and he demanded money from my mum" and "It happened about thirty minutes ago in the park."

"The man stole three pounds out of my mum's handbag."

"How do you know he was black?"

"I knew he was black because he had a Jamaican dialect."

Mrs. Ava Brown stood up waving fanatically to the officer catching his attention.

"What do you want Mrs. Brown?"

"I need to go to the toilet. I'm bursting."

"It's down those stairs and through the corridors."

She rushed out the interview room running down the stairs along the corridors. The young police officer waited patiently for Naomi's mum to return to the interview room before proceeding to question Naomi.

"What is your name and address madam?"

"My name is Naomi, Vida, Brown and I live at 24 Lower Street in Lower Ashworth."

"How long have you been in this country, Naomi?"

"Say what!"

"When did you first enter into the country?"

"Someone attacked me with a knife and you are asking me about when I had entered into the country. Go away."

"Are you from the Caribbean?"

"No, I'm a British citizen and I was born in England."

"No offence meant, Naomi. We are just carrying out a survey on ethnic monitoring and we needed to know this information."

"Don't just sit there officer, go out there and arrest him. He is a menace to society," said Mrs. Ava Brown.

"With due respect to you, Mrs. Brown, you and your daughter have not given me a description of the attacker."

"We have told you before, he is a young black man wearing a mask and is living in Lower Ashworth."

"There are thousands of young black men living in Lower Ashworth. I am sorry we can't arrest them all."

"He is different. He doesn't wash himself."

"As I said before we cannot arrest someone because he is black and he doesn't wash himself."

"Why don't you stop and search them all, officer?"

"We can't do that, Mrs. Brown."

"Why can't you, officer?"

"We don't want to cause another riot."

"We will log the incident down. Do you want the incident number?"

"Yes officer."

"I told you it was a waste of time going to the police station, mum."

Naomi and Mrs. Ava Brown walked out of the interview room looking both upset. Outside of the police station, Mrs. Ava Brown pointed nose was streaming with summer cold and her eyes were red and itchy. She could hardly breathe through her nostrils without the hay fever causing her some discomfort.

"Mum, I told you before, the police won't help us."

# Two

A distressed mum and a despondent daughter left the police station with their hope of finding the Knifeman in tatters. More significantly, it was the first time in her life that Naomi was robbed of her British identity and her mother was robbed of her right to protect her daughter and her status as a British citizen.

"It's going to be okay, love. Something good will come out of this."

"I'm scared, mum."

"Everyone is afraid of something or someone. You'll be fine, love."

"I am afraid that we will never be accepted into the British society, mum."

"There are still some good people left in this world, Naomi, who will see beyond our colour."

"It's the twentieth first century, mum, and gorillas still can't swim."

"They can learn to swim, love. Nothing is impossible. We must keep our faith strong and believe that faith can move mountains."

"Then why do black people rob black people, mum?"

"If a black person robbed a white person it would never make it better. We are all God's children. One day Jesus will wipe away all of our tears and he will bring about equality on earth for all regardless of race and culture."

"Yes mum, I can't wait for that to happen."

"Let us get the bus home. We need to get back home to cook the dinner for your dad."

"Why do we need to catch a bus, mum, when we only live two stops away?"

"I can hardly walk on my feet. My rheumatism is killing me."

"Fair enough, mum."

They boarded the bus and Naomi sat far away from the driver who was a black male. She was shaking in her seat. Naomi was in a thoughtful mood. She was reliving the incident in her mind.

"What is wrong with you, girl-child? He is not the Knifeman. He is only the bus driver."

Naomi burst out crying uncontrollably. It was the first time in her life that she had ever cried in public. Most of the passengers on the bus were shocked by Naomi's heartbreak whilst others were untouched emotionally.

"What's wrong with your daughter, Mrs. Brown?" said a concerned passenger.

"She will be okay," replied Mrs. Brown.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, man."

"Is that Pastor Fred's daughter?" One passenger whispered it to another.

The two passengers were gossiping amongst themselves. They were former members of Pastor Fred's church.

"I bet he is leaving them."

"I have always said it and you have heard me tell you before that all children need their fathers."

"How can he abandon his family and act like he is a man of God."

Mrs. Ava Brown overheard the passengers' conversation and she was very upset with them. She went over to the two passengers and gently tapped one of them on her shoulder.

"Excuse me, what are saying about my husband?"

"We were just saying Mrs. Brown that your daughter is the splitting image of Pastor Fred."

The lies made Mrs. Brown even more furious with them and she began to confront them head on.

"No, you weren't saying that. You should speak the truth always. The truth is no offense."

They were now on the defensive and were even more infuriated with Mrs. Ava Brown challenging them.

"Are you calling us a liar, Mrs. Brown?"

"Yes. Gossip is worse than adultery and the truth shall set you free."

"What is wrong with you, Mrs. Ava Brown?"

"Stop spreading your ugly rumours and lies. Pastor Fred is not leaving us."

The female passengers were stunned by Mrs. Ava Brown direct stance and they looked away from her.

"Mum, what are they saying about dad?"

"It's nothing."

"Why are you so being angry with them?"

"They are talking rubbish."

"Mum, tell me the truth."

"You need to trust me on this" and "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

From inside the bus Naomi zoomed onto the graffiti drawings displayed visibly on the community walls. She saw the back of a tall man clothed in a black trench coat.

"Mum, look over there."

"Why?"

"Just look over there?"

"I can't see anything."

"You are not seeing what I'm seeing?"

"What are you seeing, Naomi?"

"I'm seeing the knifeman."

"Where is he, dear?"

"There he is, mum?"

"I can't see him."

"He is spraying graffiti on the walls."

"That's not him, Naomi."

"I swear to God, he is definitely the knifeman."

"That is not the knifeman, love. He is Erik, your eldest cousin."

"Am I losing my mind, mum?"

"No child, you are not."

"When I shut my eyes I can see the knifeman and I can see him everywhere. I don't want to live in Lower Ashworth anymore. I want to escape from here."

"We are here to stay."

"We don't belong here anymore even the young policeman thought I was either from Africa or the Caribbean."

"Don't let the police officers comments upset you."

"Mum, I would be far happier leaving Lower Ashworth and going to live in Jamaica."

"Lower Ashworth is our home, Naomi. I have settled here ever since I left my parent's house in Jamaica and Lower Ashworth was the only place that welcomed migrants like me. It provided me with a job and a home. Therefore, I am not moving out of here regardless of what other people think of me."

"Open your eyes mum and take a good look at Lower Ashworth."

"What's wrong with Lower Ashworth, Naomi?"

"Nothing is wrong mum. It's a great place to live in," said Naomi sarcastically.

In Lower Ashworth, stolen cars were frequently being raced and abandoned by joy drivers. The houses were showing the grim appearances of crumbling grey stone cladding. Rats were rampaging through walls and floor boards scaring tenants to voluntarily vacate their homes. The new emerging migrants were renting poor dilapidated properties in need of basic repairs whilst others were sleeping in makeshift garages and outbuildings. Most of the houses in Lower Ashworth had no central heating so people were moving paraffin heaters from one room to the next to keep themselves warm. The windows were sweating with condensation.

"Lower Ashworth is one the most deprived and decrepit place in the West Midland."

"Thank you for your running commentary of Lower Ashworth, Moira Stewart at the BBC News at Nine."

"I really hate this place, mum. It stinks like the knifeman" and "I swear to God I'm going leave Lower Ashworth as soon as I am able to do so."

"Be careful what you wish for, Naomi. The grass is not always greener on the other side. What shines like silver and gold is not always silver and gold."

"So what are you saying to me, mum. I can't live anywhere else except in Lower Ashworth."

"You belong here, Naomi. Don't let the incident in the park stop you from living in Lower Ashworth. Always follow your dreams. You are one of us and you can be yourself here."

"I can't be myself here. I'm terrified of being here. I want to live in Upper Ashworth."

"Your father and I wanted to live in suburbia. We were not welcomed there. The estate agents told us we can't live there and they increased the house prices in Upper Ashworth to keep us out."

"Why."

"It's a long story. This is our bus stop, love."

# Three

By mid-day Naomi and her mother walked back quickly from the bus stop to their home. Struggling with anxiety and hay fever Mrs. Ava Brown searched her bag frantically for the house keys.

"Hurry up, mother."

"I can't find me keys."

"It's in your bag."

"Here it is."

"Finally, open the door, mum."

"Shut the door, mum."

"What's the hurry, girl?"

"We were robbed mum, remember."

"You must think I am an idiot."

"Shut the door quickly, mum."

The impact of the robbery had a negative effect on Naomi's wellbeing. She was obviously scared and had accidentally soiled her underwear.

"What is that smell, Naomi?"

"It's me, mum."

"Go to the toilet, girl."

Mrs. Ava Brown bolted the front door and drew open the curtains letting in the sunlight through the kitchen windows. The light was greater than the darkness. Good will overcome evil. She refused to be a prisoner inside of her own home. If the teddy boys had failed to drive her out of town, so would the knifeman fail dismally too.

"If only your dad was here."

"Have you flushed the toilet, Naomi?"

"Yes, mum."

"Where is your dad now, Naomi?"

"You know dad is busy doing the Lord's work."

"Naomi, stop defending him. He should be here to protect us."

"We don't need dad to protect us. Wasn't it you who told me that we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus, mum."

"Yes."

"Besides, dad might have been hurt."

"Naomi, he is still the man of the house."

"But, you are right Naomi, master Jesus is our defender. Pastor Fred can't fight our battles. You must be strong and determine to get your career on track."

"Yes, mum."

There was a sudden knock on the door which jumped them both. Mrs. Ava Brown held her chest and breathed out gently as if she was having a heart attack.

"Who is it, Naomi?"

"I don't know, mum. I don't want to speak to anyone."

"Open the door, girl-child."

"I can't face the outside world, mum. I'm not going to open the door, mum."

"You can't live your life as a hermit, Naomi. For god sake open the door."

An anxious Naomi walked slowly towards the door against her will and her emotional well-being. She nervously unbolted the door holding back tears and keeping her hands from shaking.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Mantel."

"Do you want me?"

There was no answer from Mantel. So, Naomi opened the door ajar not allowing Mantel in. He stared more intensely at Naomi sombre face. He was hypnotized by her smooth dark, brown skin and her ebony eyes glaring at him. Mantel admired Naomi wholeheartedly. He loved her boldness but he was afraid of her feistiness. Naomi smiled openly at Mantel.

"Let him in, if you must," shouted Mrs. Ava Brown

Mantel lived nearby in the neighbourhood. He was a year older than Naomi and he was a youth deacon in her dad's church. He had a calming influence on her but he was immensely shy. Mantel avoided eye to eye contact with Naomi. He was immature with girls and was not brave enough to take up the challenge. Mantel legs felt heavier and they were stuck within the door entrance.

"Would you like to comb my hair, Mantel?"

"Why."

"Do you want to run away with me, Mantel?"

"No."

"Leave the boy alone, Naomi," shouted Mrs. Ava Brown.

"Come inside, Mantel and tell me why you are here?"

"Hello Mrs. Brown. Mum baked you toto cake.

"Tell your mum, thank you for me."

"No problem, Mrs. Brown."

"Do you want to stay for dinner, Mantel?"

"No thank you, Mrs. Brown."

"You can go home now, Mantel."

"Yes, Mrs. Brown."

Naomi walked Mantel back to the front door. Mantel felt a mixture of embarrassment and exhilaration when Naomi placed her lips over his right ear and quietly whispered into it.

"Do you like me?"

He departed quietly from the house refusing to respond Naomi's playful tease.

"Has he gone, Naomi?"

"Yes, mum."

"Good. Then listen to me, girl. You must use this awful experience to make a difference in the world."

"I hate my life, mum."

"God will wipe away the tears from your eyes, Naomi and He will exchange your hatred for love."

Mrs. Ava Brown held Naomi hand tightly to reassure her that everything would be alright.

"I can't do it, mum. I don't want to speak to anyone."

"Your pain will heal in time, love. You must think beyond your distress and have a vision to be a blessing for others."

"What do you want me to do, mum?"

"What are you passionate about?"

"I wanted to be a social worker. I wanted to protect the most vulnerable people in our society and to make their world a safer place to live in."

"Good for you, my daughter. Do it, then."

Mrs. Ava Brown wasn't going to give up on her dreams for Naomi. No mugging was going to rob her of the vision which she held so clearly for her daughter. It was a temporary setback. She shared her vision with Naomi of how she wanted to improve her own living standards when she was a girl.

"My dad died when I was fifteen. We were really poor living on a few dollars a day. I used to walk on the rocky hills of Beniston with my bare feet. I couldn't afford to buy new shoes."

"You are not going to tell me about your life story again and again," chuckled Naomi.

"You haven't heard anything yet, dear."

"Things were hard back home. There was hardly any money going around in those days. We wore pass me down clothes and ate leftover food."

"You were poor, mum."

"We were very poor?"

"We had pit toilets when I was a little girl living in Jamaica."

"I know that, mum."

"We are now in England, mum and things are a lot different."

"Yes my dear, you have it much easier here."

"Why don't you sit on the sofa, mum and rest your legs for a while."

"I could do with shut eyes."

# Four

Five years have passed by since the mugging and a sixth form Naomi stared out of her bedroom window overlooking the industrial landscape of Lower Ashworth. Most days were the same. Each day followed a similar pattern. Boys were playing football on the streets and they would be using plastic bins as makeshift goal posts. The girls would be doing cartwheels on the communal land. But today was an exceptional day in the life of Lower Ashworth. The unusually arctic weather conditions in August kept the streets cleared of boys and girls. Everyone was saying if the weather forecast holds out much longer, Lower Ashworth would be a much safer neighbourhood. That was all about to change for the worst. It was too good to be true. The feel good factor was short lived. We didn't need to wait too long before a fatal tragedy shocked the citizens of Lower Ashworth and brought the world to its doorstep.

It all started when large clumps of snow slid off the BT phone Kiosk and two dark silhouette figures angrily emerged from the booth. The security lights of the grey stone wall church building shone bright enough to briefly highlight their facial features. The man's hair was matted and his black long hairy beard was smudged with white yogurt. His partner wore a full length brown fur coat with matching hat. She painted her dark black cheeks with a bright red lipstick and had replaced her missing eyebrows with the same lipstick.

They walked unsteadily onto the snowy ground, a few yards closer to the church building. The man's hair was matted and his dark black skin was covered with scabies and his body was shivering with cold but he was able to help the woman across the icy surface.

The shorter woman was holding a baby wrapped up in a blanket pressed closely to her chest. She lost her footing on the ice bringing down her companion. He felled awkwardly onto his back whilst the woman managed to stand up quickly onto her feet. The tall man felt embarrassedly on his backside. Because of his height he was struggling to stand up. His feet kept on slipping on the ice like a giraffe skating on the ice rink. The woman laughed at him hysterically and mocked him relentlessly.

"You are such a clumsy pig."

"I hate you, Sally."

"The feeling is mutual, Rupert."

"I can't help it, if I am falling down. It is slippery out here, woman."

"You can't do anything right, Rupert."

"Oh yes, I can."

"Oh no, you can't?"

"Go away, man."

He waved his fist furiously at her. She refused to react. He watched her like a lion eyeing his prey. He was ready to pounce for the kill.

"Come on then let's me see what you've got Sally."

She shied away from the man avoiding eye to eye contact with him. He was foaming from the mouth. He was mad with rage and slim in built. But, it was his intimidating voice which made her shake like a white bed sheet caught up in the wind.

"You are such an illiterate man" and "Don't you dear wave your fist at me again."

"Why don't you leave me alone, woman."

"I don't know what I ever saw in you, Rupert. It wasn't your brain and neither was it your looks."

"Yes. It must have been my personality."

"You don't have a personality, Rupert."

"Well why don't you leave me alone, Sally?"

"You're such a bully, Rupert."

"What did you say?"

"You heard me," shouted the woman.

"Really," shouted the man in response.

"I called you a bully," cried the woman.

She threw her shoe at Rupert hitting him on the head. The man grabbed her round her throat trying to chock her. He wanted to kill her but she was far too strong for him. She loosened his fingers from around her neck.

"You're one crazy man."

"One day I'm going to kill you, Sally" and "I mean it."

"I'll kill you first, Rupert."

"Why don't you leave me alone, Sally?"

"You're such a coward, Rupert."

"I'm no coward."

"You are a coward."

"Go away, Sally."

"You can only beat up defenceless women, Rupert."

"Just cool it woman."

"Where is he, Sally?"

"Who are you talking about, Rupert?"

"I am talking about the pastor, silly. Don't you know anything?"

"He'll be here soon."

"He'll better be here soon."

Rupert was becoming increasingly agitated. He hated waiting at the doctors to collect his medication and didn't want to wait at the old church building. They left several messages on the pastor's answering machine from the telephone booth. He was late.

"Did you phone the pastor yesterday?"

"Yes. You know I did, Rupert."

"I don't know whether you did or not."

"I phoned him yesterday and he told me he was coming to meet us here."

"Are you sure you phoned the right number, Sally?"

"I'm sure, Rupert."

"Are you really, really sure?"

"I have told you before mister, stop questioning me."

"And why isn't he here yet, dummy?"

"Don't you dear call me a dummy, Rupert?"

"You are such a dummy, Sally."

"I'm no dummy."

"You can't do anything right, can you, Sally?"

"Yes, I can."

"What can you do right then?"

"Well."

"Well what, I'm still waiting to hear from you."

"The pastor will soon be here. You must be patient, Rupert."

"Don't you dare tell me about being patient?"

"You are such a selfish man who cares only about himself."

"I don't care."

"My poor baby is sick and a prayer of a righteous man would definitely heal him."

"Let me pray for your baby."

"No Rupert."

"Why not Sally?"

The thought of Rupert praying for the baby were ridiculous to Sally. It made her giggle with laughter.

"I have more righteousness in my index finger than you will ever have, Rupert."

"I can pray for the baby."

"Rupert, look what you've done to my child."

"It was you, Sally, who told me that the baby had a demon inside him."

"I was unwell and my thoughts were unstable, Rupert. I couldn't think rationally."

"You looked alright to me, Sally."

"Everyone look well to you, Rupert. You've never been the same ever since you served time inside of prison. What on earth happened to you in prison, Rupert?"

"I don't want to ever talk about prison, Sally."

"I hate the living sight of you, Rupert. You went too far with my baby."

Rupert had not taken his medication for a few days when he was taking care of the baby. In fact, he had a psychotic episode when he was smoking marijuana with his so called friends on payday.

"I tried to beat the demon out of him as the voices commanded me."

"You were beating my baby not the devil."

"The voices inside of my head wouldn't shut up. They kept on crying all day long. I wanted them to stop. But they wouldn't. Where is the pastor now?"

"I have told you before the pastor will be here."

"How do you know? He's late and it's cold outside."

"It's not that cold, Rupert."

"Really, Sally."

"It's freezing cold, you dummy. Just feel the tip of my nose and fingers, they are dead. Touch me, then."

"Stop calling me a dummy, Rupert."

"You are a dummy and I hate you."

"Call me a dummy one more time and I'll..."

"And you do what?"

"If you think you're man enough to lay a finger on me. Come on then and touch me if you think you are a man," teased the woman.

"Don't dare me, Sally."

"I'm not a baby and I can defend myself. I'll fight you with all of my strength, Rupert."

The man turned his back and proceeded to walk away from the woman. He was extremely upset. The many years of criticisms, abuse and put me downs have ripped apart their relationships. There was no more respect or love for each other. For Sally, the relationship was over, dead and buried. But for Rupert, he had no place of his own. Sally's name was written down on the tenancy agreement. He needed to stay at Sally's accommodation or he would be made homeless and there was a shortage of rented properties in Lower Ashworth.

"Don't you dare turn your back away from me, Rupert?"

"I have had enough of you, Sally. I'm sick of you. I'm through with you. It's over."

"You are such a loser, Rupert. You have never been the man in our relationship. You're useless and you disgust me."

"I'll show you who the man is, Sally."

"Why now, it's too late."

"We can start a new life in a new place."

"I want my baby to be well."

"We can start afresh with a new baby. This time it will be our baby, Sally."

"You have always resented the baby because you weren't the baby father."

"You spent far too much time with the baby and not enough time with me."

"You're far too jealous of the baby, Rupert."

"I need some attention from you Sally as much as the baby."

"It's my baby. He can't feed himself. You can Rupert."

"I know that. But every time I look at the baby I see Philip. I disliked that man intensely."

"I don't care whether you like Philip or not, I want my baby to be healed."

"Come here, woman."

"Don't touch me, Rupert."

"You are my woman and I have a right to touch you."

"And I have a right to say no."

They squared up to each exchanging verbally insults. Tempers were boiling over.

"Mind my baby, jerk."

"Put the baby down, woman."

The baby was laid on the ground for safety reasons. The woman was now in her element pushing and shoving him back. The man held his ground standing firm in defiance. He refused to retaliate even when she scratched his face with her overgrown nails.

"Don't scratch me, woman."

"Do you want more?"

"No. I have had enough."

"Good. Serve you right. You've hurt my baby" and "I don't trust you anymore and I'll never will."

"He's here. Stop fighting me, woman."

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. We're not finish. Trust me."

The man and the woman were still at war with each other. The man used his long reach to keep her at arm length. At last he was using his intellect to some good effect. She was a bitterly depressed woman who was far more determined and mentally stronger than he was. She knew no social boundaries. He was the enemy as far as she was concerned and she made up her mind to terminate him by all means.

The sound of a misfired engine was sheer relief to the man. In fact he was ecstatic and overjoyed to see the welcoming sight of a car approaching them in the distance. He was losing the battle.

"It is about time too," said the man.

"It's lucky for you, he's coming or I would have certainly finished you off."

The woman's threat was not taken lightly. The man's dark skin was showing recent signs of small patches of white areas where he was scalded with hot water by Sally who acted in self-defence. For years he used acts of violence against her to keep her under his control. This time she had made up her mind that she would no longer choose to be his victim.

"I'm not frightened of you anymore, Rupert."

"You should be."

"Not anymore."

"Look at me, woman."

"I'm looking at you."

"I can see fear in your eyes, Sally."

"I can't live this life anymore, Rupert. I need to repent of my unkind deeds inflicted onto my baby. What we did was wrong. I need to be saved."

"I had always known you were going mad, Sally."

"Yes. I am mad enough to be with you, Rupert" and "Not mad enough to know when to leave you."

"I can no longer live with you anymore, woman. We are both destroying each other."

# Five

A dark blue Nissan X-Trailer pulled up in front of the old crumbled down church building. The couple refrained from their battle. The woman was panting for air. The man straightened his coat collar and the woman adjusted her clothing. They composed themselves before rushing towards the car.

"Take your eyes off me. That's all you are interested in, Rupert."

"You're not young anymore, Sally."

"Speak for yourself, Rupert and you're no Prince Charming."

They walked over to car to greet the pastor. The pastor sat in the passenger seat yawning from last night prayer meeting. It was his wife, Bev who drove the car. She was still wearing her long white dressing gown having been suddenly awakened from her bed. A red spotted linen scarf was wrapped several times around her head covering up the plastic hair curlers. The car was now in a parked position. The engine was turned off but the headlights were beaming brightly at Rupert and Sally. A nervous looking Pastor Nelson wound down the passenger car window with all of the other windows and doors remaining close.

The pastor recognised the couple. He remembered them distinctively as the couple who had shouted hallelujah the loudest. It was so loud that sleeping babies inside of the church woke up crying hysterically. They were new in the area and had visited the church over the past six months.

"Hello Pastor Nelson, we need your help."

"What's wrong, man?"

"The baby is sick, pastor."

"Is the baby experiencing pain?"

"The baby is sick, man."

"Yes, you've told me that already. Tell me what's wrong with your baby?"

"It's not my baby, pastor. It's her."

"Oh, it doesn't matter who the baby belongs to. I can see the baby is clearly in some form of distress."

"I've told you woman that the pastor can't help you."

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong with the baby?"

"Has the baby got a cold?" said the pastor wife.

"No ma."

"Is this your first baby?"

"No ma."

"Do not worry there are lot of viruses floating in the air. Has the baby got a high temperature?"

"No mama, the baby has low temperature. The baby is well sick."

"Is the baby teething?"

"No Pastor Nelson."

"Let me take a closer look at the baby."

"No pastor. The baby is sick, pastor."

"Then take the baby to a doctor. You don't need us."

"We need you, pastor."

"What do you need me for?"

"We need you to perform a miracle on the baby."

"Look man, I am not performing any miracle for you. This is not a game. If the baby is sick, take the baby to the hospital."

"No pastor, the baby needs spiritual healing not physical healing."

"Who told you the baby needs spiritual healing?"

Rupert was astonished by the pastor unwillingness to cooperate with their request and he made reference to a higher authority.

"The spirits told me. The voices warned me that the baby has evil spirits within him and only a servant of the almighty God can deliver him from the evil one."

"Let me take a closer look at your baby, suggested the pastor."

"No pastor."

"I can't help you then."

"Okay man."

"What's the baby's name?"

"George."

The pastor stepped out of the car. He gently pulled back the blanket away from the baby face and he closely examined the baby. The baby's bulging eyes were widely opened showing signs of distress. His body was motionless within the pastor's arms and he was screaming in response to excruciating pain.

"Is the baby teething?" asked the pastor.

"Does the baby need bonjela gel?" said Bev.

"No, pastor"

The screaming had stopped and the baby was lethargic. The pastor felt physically sick without vomiting. The pastor whispered to her wife, Bev, "Why has God allowed this woman to give birth to this vulnerable baby when there are numerous childless couples desperately wanting to become parents?"

"My god what have they done?" whispered the pastor to his wife."

"What's wrong, darling?"

"Just take a look at the baby."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Just take a look at the baby, Bev."

She stepped out of the driver's seat and held the baby in her arms.

"Jesus in heaven grants us mercy, we pray."

The couple had committed the most grotesque acts of violence against the newly born baby. His wife looked at the woman with sheer disgust. She thought to herself, how could a mother allow her baby to be so brutally battered? It was beyond her intellect. The mother role is supposed to be a caring one. The pastor knew instinctively what his wife, Bev was thinking when she stared sternly at Sally.

"Why do you look at me like I am a piece of rubbish?" argued Sally.

"I feel sorry for you," said Bev.

"I don't need your pity. I need your husband to heal my baby."

"It is God who heals not my husband."

"Is not your husband an instrument of God?"

"Yes."

"Then God can carry out his work through the pastor."

"You cannot test God through acts of wrongdoings."

"I have done nothing wrong."

"Your baby needs medical treatment straightway and the pastor will definitely pray for your baby."

"Thank you, pastor."

"We're taking the baby back home, pastor," demanded Sally.

"Your baby is in need of a doctor."

"You are not a real pastor but an imposter."

"I told you before; he wouldn't help you, Sally. He is not a true man of God."

"How dare you call my husband an imposter? My husband has been a minister for more years than I can remember."

"It's okay, Bev. It's not about me. It's about the baby."

"I'm not allowing anyone to say a bad word against you, Nelson. You're a good man."

"I think you need to take the baby to the hospital immediately. I'll pray for the baby if you allow us to take the baby to the hospital," said the pastor.

The woman agreed for them to take the baby to the hospital. The pastor was their last ray of hope for the baby's survival. The spirits had told her that the baby had evil spirits within him and as a consequence of this; the man had beaten the devil out of the baby. They couldn't go to the authorities for help. The authorities were the agents of Satan. A tearful pastor held the wrapped up baby in his arms and kept the baby away from Sally and Rupert as he headed back inside the car.

There was no time to call for an ambulance. The couple sat in the passenger seats behind the pastor and his wife and began calling him every swear words known to mankind. He ignored the verbal abuse being hurled at him.

The baby was crying and screaming in pain. The pastor and his wife became increasing anxious and annoyed with the couple. "If I hear one more rude word in this car I will stop the car," said a shaking Bev.

"Don't Bev. We need to get to the hospital quickly. I'm asking you to stay calm."

"I told you, Sally, the pastor is useless."

"That's it. You were warned."

"Please Bev drive the car."

"If only you had listened to me, Sally. This pastor is no good. He cannot heal the baby."

"Why don't you shut up, Rupert?"

"No woman, make me."

"Can you make haste, Bev," said the pastor.

"I am going as fast as I can."

The couple in the passenger seats was arguing amongst themselves. They were spitting at each other. It was foul and disgusting. The pastor and his wife were not amused with their behaviour. They were extremely stressed.

"The voices made me do it. I should have never listened to the voices, woman."

"Don't you dare blame the voices, Rupert? The voices are always right."

"What if the baby dies, Sally?" and "We both will end up in prison."

"He is not going to die, Rupert. He needs spiritual healing. Have faith in the man of God."

"Stop listening to those voices. They are not from God. God is love. He wouldn't have told you to hurt your own child," said the pastor's wife.

"You don't know what you are talking about, bitch. The voices told me what I should do and where I should go. I obey the voices."

"Don't you dare call my wife a bitch? Those voices are not in line with God words" and "We are responsible for our own actions."

"You think you are better than us, don't you, pastor?"

"I am not saying that."

"Well, what are you saying then?"

"Let us get to the hospital safely, man," said the pastor.

"The pastor wife thinks God can only speak to people like herself."

"I am not saying that."

"What are you saying then?"

"God speaks to us through our own experiences, emotions and the reading of the bible," stressed Pastor Nelson.

"Yes pastor and the voices speak to me too."

"It is those voices that instructed me to beat the baby, Sally."

"Shut your mouth, Rupert, we have the gift of hearing voices. We must obey the voices of our god."

"Your mum had the same gift of hearing voices like us and she ended up inside the asylum hospital."

The mere mention of Sally's mother residing inside a mental institution infuriated her. She became a possessed woman filled with venom and hatred. Sally's nostrils widened to inhale and push out at an alarmingly fast pace. Her red blood vessels of her eyes became much more pronounced. Sally's forehead was etched with numerous parallel lines as she because increasingly angrier with Rupert. He was now afraid of her.

"I swear to God from this day, Rupert and on my mother life, we are finished as a couple."

"I am so sorry Sally" and "You know I had never meant to offend you or your mother."

"Good. The voices told us that the baby is Satan beloved son and he is pleased with him."

The woman kept on shouting the baby has an evil spirit within him and the man nodded in agreement. The pastor ignored the mother plea for spiritual deliverance. He was not against spiritual deliverance because he spent most of his Christian life serving as a healer. What he was unhappy about was the couple exploiting God in an ignorant way to cover up their blatant child abuse.

The pastor felt a sense of disengagement from the couple. His feelings of hatred for the couple who had committed the appalling act of abuse hit him in waves. They had lasted for a brief moment but they kept on coming back. He asked himself how a righteous God can love this brutish couple.

It was only in last Sunday morning service that the whole church sung 'When I needed a neighbour where you there'. His heart sunk on reciting those words. He made a vow to God in his mind from now on he will love his neighbours and improve the lives of the poor. He would organise his time to accommodate visits to the poorer parts of Lower Ashworth irrespective of the dangers. The great commission begins there.

Sally was rocking forward and backwards in the car weeping and crying like a bereaved mom longing for a lost child whilst her partner watched her silently without displaying any hint of emotions. The pastor wife kept her focus on driving the car safely, avoiding any accidents on the way to the hospital. The pastor knew deep down inside within his heart that the baby was dead and going to the hospital was far too late. He thought driving the baby to the hospital was the right thing to do and the authorities would have to be notified of this tragic fatality.

On arrival to the accident and emergency ward they met the paramedics who rushed the baby into theatre, bypassing the long queue of patients. Everyone in the A and E knew this was an emergence, especially when a large number of doctors were on site.

The paramedics were perturbed by the injuries to the baby. Their facial expression showed signs of tiredness. They were feeling rather pessimistic. The exhausted and battled weary surgeon and her medical team tried desperately in vain to resuscitate the baby. They were unable to revive the baby's heart. The baby's heart stopped beating during the operation. The baby was dead. The surgeon wiped away speckles of perspirations off her brow. She pushed open the theatre doors and made her way to the mother in the waiting area. The sombre face of the surgeon told its own story without words. What on earth possess this couple to commit such horrific acts of violence against this innocence baby? The mother cried out hysterically with a loud voice. There was no one to comfort her. Rupert sat there quietly alone shaking his legs anxiously. It was only a matter of time before the police arrived on the scene arresting Rupert and Sally. Pastor Nelson and his wife, Bev volunteered to accompany the police to the station to assist them with their questioning of the couple.

# Six

The time was approximately 7.00 am when Naomi began to cry as she read her emails at the Council's offices. There was one particular email in the inbox tray which particularly disturbed her. The email was horrific. It made her feel depressed. It was her worst nightmares come true. This can't be real she kept on telling herself. She must be daydreaming. How could this ever happen to her. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? She was stitched up good and proper by the management team.

The case files were handed over to her only a few days ago by her line manager, Derek James. No one in the team wanted to manage this case. They all moaned to the management team about carrying heavy caseloads and they complained bitterly about being overstressed and overworked. They were far too happy to hand over this complex case to the newly recruited worker, Naomi. And she was so keen to please the team manager in her first job as a social worker since qualifying from university that she failed to spot the enormity of the case.

Naomi was far too naïve and inexperienced to turn down the case. She thought she was supporting the senior management team and helping out the organization by taking on this case. No one had told her that the organisation cared about themselves rather the individual. The culture of the organisation encouraged more for less. There was a shortest in the supply of social workers and existing staff protected themselves by not volunteering for new cases because every social worker in the department thought the organization wanted them to work too many hours with fewer resources. Staff didn't feel valued enough to work a 50 hours shift. This would only lead to burnout.

She looked more intensely at the email sent to her from Sangeeta Walker, the out of hour's duty social worker. Sangeeta worked outside of the normal office hours of nine to five. The email delivered by Sandra was a devastating blow to Naomi. It shattered the very essence of Naomi emotional wellbeing and mental health. The email conveyed the tragic death of baby known as Baby G under Naomi supervision. There was no hiding place for Naomi to flee. She was now exposed publicly which hurt her tremendously.

Becoming overwhelmingly distracted by the email, Naomi slumped backward into her chair knocking over a glass of water. The water spilled on to the note pad. Most of the staff in the office were far too busy getting on with their day to day jobs to have noted Naomi's distress except for Jan Edwards.

Jan was different from her team mates. She didn't quite fit into the stereotype of some social workers who lived in their perfect worlds where family life is trouble free and parents are stress free. And parents don't lose their cool when their children behave violently towards them nor do they react to family pressures. For Jan, the harmonious family image depicted by a few social workers was atypical. And there were times when tempers would flare up most days. The power dynamics within the family have shifted to the children. Parents have lost control of their children. Jan thought some social workers have lost touch with real family lives.

Jan read her bible during lunch breaks and refused to gossip about other colleagues and service users. Christianity in social services was frowned upon by the bosses and Jan was sometime called a religious freak by Gilbert. Gilbert was a middle aged English man, who was married to Sangeeta Walker, the sender of the email which changed the destiny of Naomi's future.

Gilbert disliked Jan because she refused to swear in the office. Jan was a strongly independent minded woman who would not hesitate to confront the bullish behaviour of Gilbert or anyone else in the office. She was uninfluenced by Gilbert's misdemeanours and she was someone who was not easily led by the crowd. Naomi trusted Jan to be impartial. Jan wasn't taking sides and she was a loner in the office. Everyone in the office ignored Jan except for Naomi. Naomi was desperately in need of some support from Jan. Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked across the desk to Jan who worked on the opposite side to her. Jan saw how sad and red eyed Naomi was and hugged her. Naomi was inconsolable. The image of Hannah pleading to God for a child comes to mind.

"Don't you worry love? It will be alright, you wait and see," said Jan.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Jan. I have made some terrible mistakes."

"What do you mean you've made some mistakes? What mistakes have you made, Naomi?"

"Well, why don't you read the email sent to me from Gilbert's missus?"

"Have Sangeeta emailed you?"

"Yes, Jan."

"What's so shocking about the email?"

# Seven

Naomi opened the email for Jan to read. The email stated:

"Baby George died on arrival at the Carver Washington Hospital on 12th February 2007, aged 9 months old. His death was caused by 15 separate injuries resulting from a sharp instrument marking his arms, legs and abdomen and there were burns to his head. The post mortem report revealed he was viciously beaten and tortured by his mother and her boyfriend over a number of months. The couple is currently being detained in custody waiting questioning from the police."

"Jesus, my God," cried Jan.

Jan was in shock. The tragic death of the baby greatly disturbed her. There was a brief moment of silent with Naomi holding her head down. The silent broke when Jan had finished reading the email.

"It's so sad, poor baby."

"How can I ever live with myself, Jan? I've allowed the baby to die on my watch. "

"Don't you jump to conclusion, Naomi? It will be investigated. That's for sure."

"It is obvious that I will take the blame for the baby's death."

"No one will know the outcome of the death before it is fully investigated."

"We all know what the outcome will be, Jan."

"We don't, Naomi."

"They will blame the black woman."

"They can't discriminate against you, Naomi."

"The equality laws can't change racist attitudes."

"Be positive, Naomi."

"The odds are against me, Jan. The mountain before me is far too high to overcome. "

"God can still change the odds in your favour and He can still move mountains. Just put your trust in him."

"I know with God all things are possible, but it doesn't change the fact that I have failed to protect Baby George and I didn't recognise the signs of abuse," sobbed Naomi.

"Have faith in God, Naomi."

"I feel utterly useless, Jan."

"Pull yourself together, Naomi. You need to be strong to overcome these problems."

"I'm doomed. My career as a social worker is over."

"It is certainly not. There you go again jumping to the wrong conclusions, Naomi."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"You cannot foresee the results of the investigation."

"I'm finished. It's all over. Face it, Jan."

"No, it's not over yet, Naomi. Besides you are not entirely to blame."

"You don't know that, Jan."

"What I do know is the mother, the boyfriend, the child protection system and the medical care professions have all failed to protect Baby George."

"How are they to be blame, Jan?"

"Listen to me, Naomi, there was a systematic failure of communication between the different agencies together with a combination of a lack of skills, inexperience, inadequate resources and a lack of support from senior social workers resulted in the death of Baby George."

"A disaster was waiting to happen, Naomi."

"Wow, I didn't see it like that. What should I do now, Jan?" said Naomi.

"You must join the union and get some legal advice immediately. There is no time to waste."

"I have never thought about joining a trade union before."

"Don't let the management make you into a scapegoat, Naomi. They need to be made accountable too for their lack of support and supervision of you in managing this case."

"Have you got the trade union phone number?"

"Yes. It's in my mobile phone. Here it is."

"Thank you for your support, Jan. I'll ring them straight away."

There was no one available at the trade union branch to answer Naomi phone call.

# Eight

A few moments later, Gilbert Walker entered into the main admin section of the open office with a smirk on his face. He obviously knew about the email sent out to Naomi as he was well informed by his wife, Sangeeta Walker, the out of hour's social worker who was the author of the email. Sangeeta was an Indian woman who gained her British citizenship through marriage to Gilbert. She spent years retraining as a social worker at the University of Upper Ashworth. In contrast, Gilbert was employed by the council as an unqualified social worker who had gained his social work qualifications whilst working for the council.

They lived in Upper Ashworth, in a mainly middle class, white suburban area mile away from the poor minority communities of Lower Ashworth. Gilbert resented the council for giving permission to private builders who built social housing rented properties for the unemployed on his housing estate.

"Why am I paying a mortgage for my house when my next door neighbours who live in a brand new three bedroom house have never worked a day in their lives? They all have their housing cost paid."

"There are not enough jobs out there," said Sarah.

For Gilbert, the lack of employment opportunities for the poor was not due to the decline in the manufacturing sector but the main factor was the work-shy culture of the poor.

He hated Naomi with a passionate because she had challenged him about his refusal to assess the mental health needs of a client. A few days later the same client had killed himself and is two of his children when he was separated from his wife. Naomi was proven right to Gilbert disgust. But she was more concerned about the deceased than proving a point. She didn't like playing mind games with people lives whilst Gilbert wanted to get his revenge and the death of Baby George gave him the opportunity to get even with Naomi.

"Why are you looking so pleased with yourself, Gilbert," laughed Sarah, the admin officer.

"You don't want to know, Sarah," teased Gilbert.

"Know what, Gilbert," said Jan.

"Naomi is in deep shit."

"Don't you be so vulgar, Gilbert" and "Please don't you forget that there are some ladies here present," argued Jan.

"Speak for yourself, Jan," said Sarah.

"I am speaking for myself, Sarah."

There were loud giggles and laughter echoing throughout the open office making Naomi feel unease. At that point, Naomi walked straight into the admin office and collected her post. The admin office went suddenly quiet. The faces in the office ranged from one of amusement to one of sincerity. At the first sighting of Naomi they lowered their heads glancing directly at their computers trying to avoid eye to eye contact with her. News of the email had travelled to them by courtesy of Gilbert. Naomi had a sixth sense. She knew intuitively that they were aware of Baby George. She had a gut feeling deep within her stomach.

"What's going on here?" said Naomi.

"Nothing is going on here," claimed Sarah.

"There is obviously something going on here. What is it?"

"An email is going around the office about the death of a baby."

"Who is sending out this email?"

"It doesn't matter who is sending out the email. You are better out than in, Naomi."

"What do you mean by that, Gilbert?"

"Let me be plain speaking, Naomi."

"I don't expect anything less from you, Gilbert."

"If you had followed the child protection procedures Baby George would still be alive today," argued Gilbert grudgingly.

"I admit I have made a few mistakes but I am not a danger to children," replied Naomi.

"Naomi is not admitting to anything and she has withdrawn those comments categorically."

"Who appointed you as her attorney, Jan?"

"How dare you, Gilbert," said Jan.

"What have I said?"

"You are accusing Naomi of not following the child protection procedure when you had already known that the senior managers, the hospital staff, the school and the police have dismally failed to talk to each other."

"Yes, but Naomi had a duty of care to carry out an assessment on Baby George."

"How do you know that Naomi had not carried out an assessment?"

"I don't. But I assumed they weren't completed."

"Don't you assume any, Gilbert?"

"Do you know if the other agencies involved had carried out an assessment on Baby George?"

"No."

"But you are willing to hang Naomi out to dry without any substantial evidence, Gilbert. It is not Naomi's fault? It is the failure of the system," answered Jan.

The whole admin staff team was in totally silent and fazed by the row between Naomi, Gilbert and Jan. Office morale was low and divided. The conversation between them shifted from being rational to that of animosity.

"Have you got a problem with me, Gilbert?" argued Naomi.

"Why don't you get another job, Naomi?" said Gilbert.

"No!" said Naomi.

"Why don't you leave her alone, Gilbert?" said Jan.

"Just read the email, Jan," said Gilbert.

"Why don't you get a life, Gilbert?"

"You can talk, Jan. When was the last time you went out on a dinner date?"

"I don't need a man to make me feel complete. Don't get to any wrong ideas about my sexuality I am just like any other women who like real men. Men who have substance and they are not flaky like you, Gilbert.

"Sangeeta has no complains in that department."

"That is not what she has been telling the team."

"What has she been telling the team, Jan?"

"It is not for me to say, but for you to find out."

"At least I have someone to go home to."

"I may not have someone to go home to. But, at least I'm not living a lie, Gilbert."

"What do you mean by that statement, Jan?"

"You know exactly what I meant, Gilbert."

"No, I don't. Why don't you enlighten me on my lifestyle, Jan?"

"Don't delude yourself, Gilbert. Your whole life is a lie. Everything about you is a lie."

"Why don't you explain yourself, Jan?"

"Forget it, Gilbert. It's nothing, really."

"Jan, you are just full of hot air," laughed Gilbert.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Gilbert?"

Gilbert persisted in humiliating and belittling Jan in front of the staff. He told them Jan was too ugly to have a boyfriend. Jan became increasingly furious with Gilbert continuous taunting of her. She exploded on him in an unfamiliar way.

"Your marriage to Sangeeta is a sham. Your marriage has been over for years."

"You don't know what you are talking about, Jan. You don't know anything about my marriage to Sangeeta," replied an even angrier Gilbert.

"You are in total denial, Gilbert. You are only deluding yourself that your marriage is a happy one. Well it isn't. Your marriage is a sham. Get real and do something about it."

"My marriage is no sham, Jan. I admit we have an open marriage. But that is none of your damn business, Jan."

"Your marriage is none of my business. But it is my business when Sangeeta has the hot for one of my female friend."

"You're telling me lies, Jan."

"Am I, Gilbert."

"You are only jealous."

"I am not jealous of a marriage which is open to others. I believe in a strictly monogamous relationship only."

Gilbert's face was a picture of embarrassment. He was caught out. His marriage to Sangeeta was evidently flawed. They lived like brothers and sisters. They became less intimate with each other. There was no more hugging and kissing of each other ever since they cared for their disabled child. They were both far too physically and mentally exhausted from feeding, lifting, washing and supporting their son that they had forgotten to spend quality time together over the years. They decided to stay together for the sake of their son and to have an open marriage. The marriage became one of convenience.

"I'm sorry, Gilbert. I hadn't meant to say that. You've got me quite annoyed."

"I am having minor problems in my marriage. It's just an itch. It will be right as rain, you'll see."

"I am sure it will be okay. Here is the telephone number of a friend who is a marriage counsellor."

"Thanks, but no thank you."

"I am trying to help you, Gilbert."

"I don't need your help, Jan."

Gilbert walked away sulking without saying another word to the admin team. He was extremely annoyed with Jan. The admin team turned their attention towards Jan. The lioness pride had set their sight for the kill. But, Jan was saved by the telephone ringing in the background.

"Naomi, there is a phone call for you from Derek James," said Sarah, the admin officer.

Derek James manages the Children Services team in Lower Ashworth and Naomi was one of his staff members.

The tone of his voice was utterly professional. There were no usually friendly pleasantries from Derek James. He had a business-like manner on the phone.

"Naomi, please can you make your way to the office for 8.00 am."

"Why?"

"We want to talk to you about one of your cases. As you have been informed from the email sent to you today that there has been an awful tragedy, we need to discuss this with you. Please do not mention this case with any other members of staff or the media and bring with you all the paperwork to my office."

# Nine

Naomi drove slowly to the central office to avoid an accident as her head was pounding rapidly. She parked the hired car in one of the council's parking bay reserved for customers and waited inside the car for a few minutes to wipe away her tears. She stretched out her hand to grab hold of the hand bag resting on the passenger seat which contained a packet of painkillers, paracetamol and without counting them out she swallowed a few before heading off slowly by foot to the civic centre.

On arrival to the reception desk, Naomi sat down nervously on the soft, black, leather armchair, swinging her long dark brown legs anxiously. Her legs were shaking so badly she pressed her hands on her knees to control them.

Naomi lifted up her brown leather handbag which rested on the floor and raced towards the toilet. She managed to urinate in the flush toilet on time. Her nerves were on edge and they were getting the better of her. She was desperate for a cigarette. Naomi held the cigarette tightly between her lips and stroked the match stick with her right hand on the rough side of the box lighting up the cigarette and she happily inhaled the nicotine in her lungs. The toilet was filled quickly with light smog. She dropped the brown stub onto the white ceramic floor tiles and squashed it with the sole of her shoe until the smoke was extinguished. Naomi promptly returned to the reception area and waited there for a few more minutes.

A serious looking man opened the reception door dressed in a dark blue suit. He acknowledged the receptionist with a smile as he walked straight into the reception area with authority and confidence of a monarch. Naomi was now feelings more anxious than ever.

"Is Naomi Brown here yet?" said the gentleman.

"Yes!" said the receptionist with a big grin on her face which Naomi wanted to swipe off.

The receptionist directed the man to Naomi. The man led Naomi to the main interviewing room. He introduced himself to her as Sid Douglas, the newly appointed Assistant Director for the Children Services. He had the responsibility of overseeing the children and family services team and the politically sensitive position of safeguarding them from abuse.

Naomi was wandering what was going to happen to her. It became increasingly apparent to her that the nature of the meeting was serious. You don't often have the privilege of meeting the director. The Human Resource Manager opened the door quickly to let them both into the room. Derek James, her line manager, looked menacing and handed a sealed letter to Naomi.

"Please take a seat, Naomi."

"Let us introduce ourselves to you," said Sid Douglas.

"I have already introduced myself to you as Sid Douglas, the Assistant Director for Children Services and this is Penny Given, Human Resource Manager and you already know Derek James, who is the Team Manager for Lower Ashworth."

"Yes," replied Naomi.

"This meeting is the beginning of a disciplinary hearing and the CPS may pursue criminal proceedings against you if there is sufficient evidence," said Sid Douglas.

"We have decided to suspend you from your role as a social worker for alleged gross misconduct with immediate effect. You are suspended with full pay. We would like to remind you that you are not allowed to make any contact with the staff or the media. The letter will explain to you the next stage of disciplinary procedure in line with ACASS.

"Why?" asked a shocked Naomi.

"You had failed to protect and safeguard Baby George in line with the council child safeguarding policy. You had failed to carry out a proper assessment of Baby George and had failed to communicate your concerns to partner agencies and with your line manager which contributed to death of Baby G."

"I can't believe what I am hearing."

"Finally, please can you handover your keys to the council building, your identity pass and the file notes and please leave the building immediately."

Naomi left the main interviewing room looking despondent. She was shell shocked and traumatized by the meeting. Naomi was lost in thoughts and started to descend down the flight of stairs and missed her footing on one of the steps near the top of the landing and she came crashing down the stairs. Her head collided against the wall.

The fall was loud enough to summon the help of other social workers who were working in a room adjacent to the stairs. They arrived straightway on the scene to witness Naomi body lying there motionless. The fun loving and boisterous Naomi was consciously alive but her mind was preoccupied with the suspension from work. She was mildly concussed and was an emotional wreck.

"Is there any bones broken, Naomi?" asked Mantel.

"No!" replied a daze looking Naomi.

"Are you in any pain?"

"No. But, I'm a little sore."

They raised her head gently upright in a sitting up position and the first aider, Jillian Smith shouted to them as she ascended up the stairway.

"Don't lift her up onto her feet. We need to put her in the recovery position and can someone please telephone the ambulance straightaway."

"I am alright. I can get up myself, "replied Naomi.

The ambulance crew arrived within 15 minutes and they checked Naomi blood pressure. It was normal. They wanted to take her to the hospital.

"Do you want us to take you to the hospital, love? The doctor will examine your head."

"No, I am alright," declared Naomi.

"Are you taking any medication?"

"No."

The ambulance crew completed all the relevant paperwork with Naomi to ensure that there would be no possible future claims made against them. Naomi was looking frail from the fall. It was not the Naomi of old. She was no longer the Naomi who dreamt of changing the world. Naomi was a pale shadow of herself.

"I want to go home," grunted Naomi.

"Oh yes, provided there is someone at home to look after you. You should not be left alone following the accident," said the ambulance staff.

Naomi lived alone. She had a few boyfriends in the past but they all tried to make her into a housewife which she resented. For all of her entire life she wanted to be a social worker. Now the Baby G case and the social work profession she loved so much was destroying her life.

"Can we phone your husband and let him know that you are coming home?"

"No. I am not married. Mantel will you drive me to my sister's house?"

Mantel stared at Naomi's long, black, thick and curly hair. She had a slim waistline with large size hips. Their eyes met when he locked the passenger door. He avoided looking at her long dark legs before pulling off the council's car park.

Mantel drove Naomi outside of her sister's house and they waited inside his car for a few minutes as Naomi wanted to compose herself before seeing her sister. Naomi wiped away the tears off her cheek bones. Mantel's eyes were transfixed on Naomi red shimmering lips. He couldn't help himself. He was trapped between the battle of the flesh and spirit. He couldn't allow his carnal desires to triumph over the Holy Spirit within him. The spirit man had to win.

"Why are staring at me?"

He longed to hug Naomi to reassure her that everything would be alright. But, he knew it was not the right thing to do as a practising Christian. Most of all he wanted to share his Christian faith with Naomi before embarking on a relationship with her.

Naomi was a little bit paranoid as she couldn't find the pills in her bag.

"Where are my pills, Mantel?" screamed Naomi.

"I haven't touched your handbag."

She searched frantically inside of her hand bag for the pills. Once they were found she swallowed the pills whilst taking a mouth full of water from Mantel's bottle. He was curious as to why Naomi was taking so many tablets.

"Are they aspirins, Naomi?"

"They are very similar."

"Go easy on those."

"Thank you for giving me a lift to my sister's house, Mantel," said Naomi.

"No problem. I hope you feel much better. Please ring me if you want to talk about anything," said Mantel.

"I don't want to burden you with my problems."

"Don't they say a problem shared is a problem halved?"

"Yes, but my problems are massive."

"Problems are challenges and I know that you will overcome them all. Remember, I'm always available to you, 24/7."

"Thank you for your encouraging words, Mantel."

"No worries, Naomi."

"Can you drop me off around the corner?"

"No problem."

"I want to walk a bit before going to see, Jill. I'm feeling a little bit anxious."

"What are you going to do your car?"

"I'll phone the car hiring company to pick it up."

# Ten

There was the usually mayhem in Jill's household. Jeff was rushing around the house ironing Jayne's shirt whilst Jill was screaming at Jayne to get ready for school.

"You'll be late for school Jayne, hurry up," Jill shouted loudly.

Jayne was still wearing her night dress. She was sitting around the computer desk and looking rather suspicious.

"Okay mum. I'm just about to read my emails. It will take me about a few more minutes."

"You can read your emails later, dear. It is time to go to school," screamed mum.

"I hate you, mum." Jayne yelled back.

"Have you made your bed?" demanded mum.

"Leave me alone, mum. I don't like you," shouted Jayne.

"You are fifteen years old and you can't make your own bed yet. When I was your age I was cleaning the whole house from top to bottom."

"You were never my age, mum. I hope you die and you are not coming to my wedding."

"Tidy your room, Jayne."

"No mum. I am doing my hair."

"Your hair is fine, Jayne."

"No mum, my hair is horrible. You've never done anything for me, mum."

"Tidy your room and stop talking about your hair."

"I'll tidy my room when I'm back from school. I hate you, mum and you are the worst mum in the world."

"Tidy your room, Jayne. I don't want to hear another word from you."

"Trust me, mum. I will tidy my room. Are you sure my hair is okay?"

"Yes, Jayne."

"Is my hair okay?"

"For God sake Jane, your hair is fine."

"Can you curl my fringe, mum?"

Jill connected the hair straightener to the alternative current until it was hot. She pulled Jayne hair fringe gently and passing it through the hot tong.

"There you are, Jayne, all done. Your hair look beautiful," said Jill.

"My hair look awful. I loathed my hair. You've done a crap job, mum."

"I'm not going to school. The girls will laugh at me," cried Jayne.

"No, they won't."

"I hate you, mum. I wish I was dead," yelled Jayne.

"Your hair is okay, love."

"What do you know, mum? You can't do anything properly."

"Don't you speak to your mum so harshly, Jayne."

"I'll do my own hair, myself. What did you see in mum to marry her, Jeff?"

"Your mother is a beautiful lady."

"She doesn't do anything for me. She has never done anything for me. I wish mum was dead. When you're old mum, I won't visit you."

"Do your hair yourself."

"You need to go, Jayne. Hurry up."

"I hate you, mum. You are the worst mum in the world."

"Love you too, dear."

"Dad, is my hair okay?"

"Yes, Jayne."

"I hate you and I wish you were dead, Jeff."

"We can't live forever, Jayne."

"Go away Jeff I hate you."

"Don't be so rude, Jayne."

"Dad, do you think rice cake with jam will make me fat?"

"No, Jayne."

"The girls at school are talking about me."

"No, they're not, Jayne."

"Dad, I ate two rice cakes with jam on. Will I put weight on?"

"No, Jayne."

"How do you know?"

"Rice cakes have low calories."

"Dad, I ate two rice cakes with jam on. Will I put weight on?"

"No, Jayne. Stop asking me the same question."

"Does my hair look good?"

"Your hair looks okay."

"Only okay, mum."

"Your hair looks great, Jayne."

"Mum, where is the scissor I want to cut my fringe off?"

"Why are you doing that, Jayne?"

"It's not straight."

"The hairdresser trimmed your fringe only yesterday. Now come on or you will be late for school."

"Don't rush me, man."

"Speak to your dad with some respect."

"Do I look fat?"

"No, Jayne."

"I ate two rice cakes and with jam on. Will I put weight on?"

"No, Jayne. Go to school."

"Don't forget your key."

"Hurry up dad or I'll be late for school."

The front door was eventually slammed shut. Jayne had managed to catch a lift to school with her dad. The activities of the household suddenly changed from being chaotic to a picture of tranquility. Thank God, peace has now been restored at last. Jill was left alone in their three bedroom detached house in Lower Ashworth and she decided to treat herself to a massive cup of cappuccino. It was a celebratory drink for having to put up with Jayne dismal behaviour. It was during the quiet time away from her multiple roles of motherhood, educator, housekeeper, employee and wife that she could be herself or have a bit of me time.

Jill was on annual leave and she wanted to browse through the internet to shop online for cheaper car insurance deals. She noted that there were about two hundred emails waiting in Jayne inbox tray. Most of the emails were either spam or junk and they needed to be deleted.

Jill decided to finish her drink before starting to read all of the outstanding emails. Jayne had forgotten to take her planner and homework with her to school. They were lying on Jayne's dressing table. She must have been rushing to complete her homework assignment at the last moment. This was the norm for Jayne and the very reason for Jayne being nicknamed jayne@ last minute dot com.

Jill drank the last dregs of the cappuccino and scooped the cream with her index finger into her mouth gleefully. She felt alive again. She hated responding to emails. It was time to confront her fears. She must have read and deleted about eighty to ninety emails. Without thinking she opened an incoming email sent to her daughter. Jill was curious about this email from Harry who was a friend of Jayne. She questioned in her mind why did Jayne spend a great deal of time in the morning studying her emails whilst placing a red flag next to Harry's email. It caught Jill's eyes. Harry's email held her interest.

What's was so important about his email that it demanded the whole attention of her daughter. Jill was becoming increasingly more paranoid by his email. She kept on reassuring herself as a parent that she had a right to know everything about her own flesh and blood. Jayne should not be hiding any secrets from her whilst she was still in her care. Jill looked more closely at Harry's email in particular.

She remembered how Jayne talked about Harry with fondness and excitement at a sleepover party at Nicola's house. Harry had stolen a part of her daughter's heart. Jill casted her eyes upon how intimate and affectionate the emails were written by Harry. The words 'babe' and 'darling' frequently appeared on almost every line of the email. Harry was certainly not a girl. This became apparently obvious to her when Harry mentioned he was looking forward to becoming a dad.

Jill became increasingly angry and tearful. Jayne was much too young to become a mother. She had her whole future ahead of her. Why had Jayne hidden the secret of being pregnant from her? Why didn't she tell her? Her head exploded with worry and her tummy was churning inside with anxiety. Jill thought she was far too young to be a grandmother at 35. Grandparents are usually elderly people who wear thermal clothing to keep themselves warm in the winter and they have a high risk of dying from cold related illness and hypothermia. Jill was not prepared psychologically for old age. She was not ready for facial wrinkles and strands of grey hair. She wanted to keep her own shiny white teeth, trim waistline with medium size hips and youthful attractive looks for many years to come.

More importantly, she wasn't looking forward to caring for screaming babies and changing soiled pampers. There was no way her daughter and a newly born baby would be staying at her place. They would drive her mad. Jill's imagination was running away from her. She needed to clear her mind of growing old and speaking to Jeff would prevent her from going insane before her time. She was furious with Jayne. She wanted to throw out her clothes into the wheelie bin. She must first pull herself together and summons up enough courage to speak to Jeff. He was Jayne step-dad who treated her like his own biological daughter and he had a right to know the truth about Jayne's pregnancy before it became public.

Jill thought about breaking the news gently to her husband. She felt like a coward. She couldn't bear to speak to him about their little girl expecting their first grandchild. Jayne is vulnerable and naive in terms of forming relationships. They should have protected her from attaching herself to the first boy who had showered her with affection and the attention she so desperately craved. Jill and Jeff were far too worn out by Jayne constant demands, put me downs and laziness's to see this coming. This was not what they both intended for her. They wanted her to leave home sooner rather than later with some qualifications. Jeff needed to know the truth. She took a deep intake of breath and a couple of kalm pills before dialling his work number.

"Hello Jeff."

"Hi love."

"How are you doing, dear?"

"Great, Jill."

"How is work?"

"I can't wait to leave."

"It won't be too long now. You'll be at home soon."

"Is there anything wrong, honey?"

"No Jeff!"

"Why are you ringing me then?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice, sweetheart."

"Is everything alright, Jill?"

"Yes, everything is alright, love."

"Well, what is it then?"

"Our daughter is expecting."

"Good."

"How can you say it will be good?"

"Jayne told me that she is expecting her friends around for a sleepover. Is there more to this, Jill?"

"No, Jeff."

"Are Jayne's friends staying for one night only?"

"I thought so."

Jeff was becoming suspicious and Jill was saved by several knocks on the door. There was a mighty, loud bang on the front door which conveniently ended Jill and Jeff telephone conversation.

"I have to go now Jeff. There is someone at the door. Love you."

"Love you, too."

# Eleven

The person at the door turned out to be Jill's younger sister, Naomi. Naomi was a newly qualified social worker currently employed with the local authority. She had recently completed a BA Honorary degree in Social Work. Naomi had attended a handful of social work placements. She was aware of the legislations surrounding child abuse through reading lecture notes and the Children Act. Naomi work experience in practice was limited and brief. She got her job quickly with Ashworth District Council due to her qualifications and work placement and the shortage of social workers. Jill opened the door unexcitedly greeting her sister.

"I thought you were working today, Naomi," announced Jill.

"They gave me the afternoon off. I have been knocking on your door for ages. Didn't you hear me, Jill," said Naomi.

"No, I was too busy on the phone to Jeff."

"That explains it."

"How long have you being knocking, dear?"

"I have been knocking your door for a long time and what is wrong with you, sis," enquired Naomi.

"Nothing is wrong with me, why?"

"You wearing your cardigan inside out and you sound very miserable," grinned Naomi.

"You haven't come here to gloat. Have you?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"You have never really been in favour of Jayne attending a Lower Ashworth Secondary School. Have you, Naomi?"

"It's up to you and Jeff to decide how to educate Jayne. It's none of my business."

"Don't be so uptight."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are, Naomi."

"Why don't you make your point, Jill and stop being judgmental?"

"I know we have our differences but we have both attended the Lower Ashworth Comprehensive School and we've done well for ourselves."

"Not that again. I haven't come here to pick a fight with you, Jill."

"Why have you come here then, Naomi?"

"Can't I come to see my big sister?"

"Yes, what's wrong, Naomi?"

"I have been suspended from work until further investigation, "cried Naomi.

"No way. What went wrong, love?"

"I have messed up completely, Jill," sobbed Naomi.

"What have you done, Naomi?"

"A baby has died in my care."

"How did that happen?"

"I can't discuss the details of the case with you or with anyone."

"Why, Naomi?"

"It's all strictly confidential and I don't want to get you or myself into trouble with the authorities. Besides the panel made it clear to me that I should not speak to anyone regarding the case."

"I don't care what the council had told you, Naomi. What did you do wrong?"

"I was the lead social worker for baby G who died from non-accidental injuries and I failed in my duty to protect him. I feel absolutely gutted."

"How dear, me. What are you going to do, Naomi?"

"I can't fight this anymore, Jill. The evidence is stacked against me."

"What will they do next?"

"The Council will be forming an investigating panel to conduct a full inquiry into the death of the baby with no stones unturned. I'm finished, Jill. My career as a social worker is over."

"No Naomi, you are not finished yet. I won't allow you to speak negatively in my house. There is still a lot of fighting left in you."

"Social workers are treated like sacrificial lambs. They are led to the slaughter like your Jesus Christ was. The heads of social services will walk away scotch free. It's just not fair. Enough said about me, what wrong with you, Jill?"

"Nothing is wrong with me, Naomi."

"I have known you far too long to recognise that you look stressed. Has Jeff been playing away from home?"

"No. You have never really approved of Jeff marrying me. Have you, Naomi?"

"He is an unusual man. Isn't he?"

"He collects fossils not women. Where is the harm in that?"

"None whatsoever, is anything wrong with Jayne?"

"Yes. Since you are suspended from work it is safe to say Jayne is pregnant."

"Jayne is pregnant. You must be joking, Jill."

"Yes, she is pregnant, Naomi."

"She is far too young to be pregnant. Has Jeff been messing about with her?"

Jill was annoyed by Naomi accusation of Jeff committing sexual abuse. For Naomi, Jeff doesn't fit into her concept of an ideal man for her sister.

"How dear you suggest such a thing like that. He has never touched Jayne in any inappropriate manner or way. If he did I would divorce him before Bolt reached the finishing line."

"I am just wearing my social worker hat on as I have read about numerous cases of sexual abuse within the family and we have never ruled out anyone in our inquiries."

"You can rule out Jeff from of your inquiries."

"Is a bump showing on Jayne?"

"No."

"Have you found a pregnancy test in the waste bin?"

"No."

"Have you spoken to Jayne about being pregnant?"

"No."

"How do you know she is pregnant then?"

"I have just found out only by reading her emails today."

"Did she say she was pregnant in her emails?"

"Yes."

"Do you know who and how old the father to be is?"

"I don't know his age or how it had happened. He called himself by the name of Harry and he is a pupil at Lower Ashworth Secondary School."

"I can't believe Jayne is pregnant. She is such a decent girl. There must be a mistake, Jill."

"There is no mistake, Naomi. I have read her email and she is definitely pregnant."

"Have you told Jeff?"

"Not yet. He'll go crazy."

"Sis, you need to contact him and confront Jayne. Her friends at school will have a full knowledge of this pregnancy."

"I'll wait until she returns from school, Naomi."

"Why wait. Let's us go to the school and take Jayne to McDonalds. At the school we can gently coach the answers out of her."

"Can we first turn off the computer to reduce the ozone layers, Naomi?"

"Okay Jill."

They both went upstairs into the study and noticed Jayne school planner was resting on the computer desk. The planner was opened.

"She had forgotten her planner," said Naomi.

"She is such a dopey miss. She'll get a detention for forgetting her planner."

"The planner is opened. Why don't we read it, Naomi?"

Naomi lifted up the planner from the table and she passed it over to Jill who proceeded to read it out aloud.

"Your assignment will be based on a teenager that is impregnated by a fictitious character called Harry."

They both breathed a sigh of reliefs that Jayne's pregnancy was all fantasy. Jill hugged Naomi tightly forging an even stronger bond between the two sisters. Naomi had rediscovered the friendship of her sister. The planner brought them closer together. The renewed sisterhood and the negative outcome of Jayne's pregnancy reassured Naomi that she had a fighting chance to succeed against the disciplinary proceedings brought against her by the social services and with the loving support of her elder sister she had nothing to fear.

There was a rattling sound of keys outside the front of the house which was heard by Jill and Naomi. It was Jayne. She opened the front door.

"Why have you come home so early, Jayne?" said Naomi.

Jayne's eyes were filled with tears. Her black eyeliner was smudged on her cheek bones.

"Jesus! What has happened to you, Jayne?" asked Jill.

"Have you fallout with your best friend?"

"No mum and I don't want to talk about it. I hate school," cried Jayne.

Jayne ran upstairs to her bedroom. Jill and Naomi followed her because Jayne was not her boisterous self. Something or someone had troubled her.

"What wrong with you, Jayne?"

"The Headmaster told me off for lying in the classroom. I hate him," cried Jayne.

"Tell me more, Jayne."

"Miss Hope is a bitch, mum. I hate her."

"Why do you hate her, Jayne?"

"Because she has accused me of doing something which I had never done and that Audrey Beckford is a grasser."

"What did Audrey Beckford did?"

"She told Miss Hope I drew graffiti on the toilet walls."

"Did you?"

"Yes. So did Vicky, Kathy, Katie, Suzanne and Annie. Miss Hope ignored my side of the story. She is a big fat liar."

"Did Audrey report the other girls to Miss Hope?"

"No. She doesn't like me, mum. I'm the only one she reported to the Headmaster."

"Never mind dear we'll see the Headmaster about this."

Jill examined her closely and saw that Jayne was very upset. She was absolutely angry with the Headmaster.

Jayne's eyes were still filled with tears as she conversed with her mum.

"The Headmaster refused to believe me, mum. I was telling him the truth, mum. The other girls were involved too."

A primary school photograph of Jayne fell out of her trouser pocket. Jill was stunned by the revelation of the photo whilst Naomi silently stared at it. It was a picture of Jayne taken whilst she was going to Lower Ashworth Primary school.

"Where on earth did you get this photo from sweetie?" said Jill.

"I found it" and "It's my photograph," argued Jayne.

Jayne became increasing more agitated by her mother and her aunt persistently questioning her about the picture.

"Where did you find it, Jayne?"

"I told you before. I found it, mum." Jayne said irritably.

# Twelve

She knew Jayne wasn't telling the whole truth because Jayne couldn't keep a straight face.

"For the last time, Jayne, where did you find it?

Jayne hesitated in her response to her mum and eventually said when pressed, "I found the photo inside of Mr. Bates wallet."

"Mum, what is Mr. Bates doing with my picture?"

"It has nothing to do with you, Jayne," Jill said harshly.

"It has everything to do with me, mum. It's my picture."

Naomi looked shocked. She was amazed that a complete stranger had kept a picture of Jayne for a number of years. Naomi thought Mr. Bates must be a child molester. Jill shouted, "Hand over the photo to me, Jayne."

"Okay mum. But it's mine not yours."

"Is there something you want to tell Jayne and myself?"

"I will reveal all to you in due course, Naomi. Let us go to the school, Jayne."

"No mum. My hair is horrible. I don't want to go to school looking a mess. The girls will laugh at me."

"Your hair is really, really lovely, Jayne."

"No aunty, I hate my hair. I wish I was dead."

"You have a lot to live for Jayne."

"I hate School mum" and "I hate you for taking me there."

"You need to get a good education girl."

"I'll get a job in MacDonald's."

"You will still need qualifications to work in MacDonald's."

"Shut up, mum. My hair is shit. I'm not going anywhere with you. My hair is awful.

"Don't you tell your mum to shut up, Jayne and don't you to be so disrespectful to your mother."

"Why don't you straighten my hair, mum?"

"Your hair doesn't need tonging, Jayne."

"You did a rubbish job on my hair, mum. You always do."

"Don't you speak so rudely to your mum, Jayne?"

"I hate my hair and I hate going to school."

"Your hair is beautiful niece and I really mean it."

"Are you sure, aunt?"

"Yes."

"Is my fringe okay?"

"Yes dear. We need to get going back to the school."

"I don't want to go back to the school because the girls will be laughing at my hair. I hate school."

"I'm your aunt and I will not make any girl laugh at your hair."

"I hate my life. I wish I wasn't born. I want to kill myself."

"You need to be more positive, Jayne."

"Go to hell, mum."

"Pardon me."

"Jesus doesn't love me."

"Jesus has always loved you, Jayne."

"Don't be angry with everyone and start thinking positively about yourself."

"I'm only joking with you, mum. Can't you take a joke?"

"Get yourself ready Jayne we're going back to the school."

A few minutes later they were heading towards the school at a fast pace. Jill, Naomi and Jayne walked into the school building and they went straight into the reception area.

"Can I help you Mrs. Grant?" asked the school secretary.

"We're here to see the Headmaster," replied Jill.

"Have you got an appointment with Mr. Bates?"

"No, just tell him Mrs. Grant wants a word with him."

Mrs. Jones, the school secretary, spoke to Mr. Bates in his office and he came out straight away to greet Jill and the others.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Grant, Jayne and Miss Brown," said Mr. Bates.

"No. It is not a good afternoon and it will certainly be a day to forget," claimed Jill.

"Do come in," said Mr. Bates.

"Please stay in the reception area Jill and Naomi. We have some unfinished business to sort out, "said Jill.

Jayne and Naomi wished they had learnt how to lip read. It would have been useful for them to work out what was being said in the room between Jill and Mr. Bates. They could tell from both body languages that they knew each other fairly well. They were familiar with each other and had a shared history. Jill was walking up and down the room pointing her index finger at Mr. Bates. Mr. Bates sat in a forwarded position in his black leather armchair with his elbows firmly rested on the desk. Suddenly, he held his head with both hands. Jill facial expression was scary. She slammed Mr. Bate's door behind her and left in a rage.

The secretary of the school was afraid of Jill as she hid behind the glass barrier. She was polite enough to allow them out of the building by releasing the door.

On the way back to the car, Jill was clearly upset and shaken. Jayne had never seen her mum looking so menacing since she was mistakenly sent the wrong tax returns.

"What did you say to Mr. Bates, mum?"

"Is everything okay, Jill?"

"Don't you worry yourself, Jayne? It's sorted. Trust me"

"Why did he have that picture of me, mum?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Jayne."

"We need to talk, sis."

"We'll definitely talk later, sis. I'm too upset to talk to you now."

"Okay, we talk about it later, Jill."

Jill was unusually quiet on the journey back home. She didn't speak a word to anyone until they were a few hundred yards nearer to the house. She held Jayne hand gently and she reminded her that her granddad was arriving in England from Jamaica in a few days. She was looking forward to seeing her granddad. Naomi and Jill weren't overjoyed in meeting up with their dad again. The get-together was arranged by Jeff against their wishes. Their dad had walked out on them and their mum when they needed him most and the painful thoughts of their mother living in a care home made them feel even worse.

"Drop me off home, Jill."

"Can't you comeback to ours, aunty?"

"It's been great seeing you both. But I'm getting a bit tired."

"We have an extra bedroom and we would really love you stay with us, aunty."

"I have truly enjoyed spending time with you both. But, I need to do something at home."

"Can't we persuade you to have a slice of rum cake with us?"

"That is going beyond temptation. I'll see you both later."

"See you later, aunty."

"See you later and don't you worry yourself. Your mum will explain it to you at the right time."

"One day soon we'll visit you Aunty Naomi in Upper Ashworth."

"That would be wonderful, Jayne. Bye sis."

"Bye for now, Naomi."

# Thirteen

Naomi couldn't get back to sleep. Her head was still spinning from the impact of yesterday's meeting with the council's senior social services staff. She remembered the stern expressions shown on their faces as the allegations were read out to her.

Having found it difficult to sleep, Naomi decided to read a verse from the bible for the first time since her mum went into care. She anticipated that the death of Baby G would eventually hit every television channel across the world. Psalms 23 was a welcomed comfort for Naomi who had a Christian upbringing. It was her mum's favourite psalm. Mum used to recite verses of the psalms to her when she was a child.

The stillness of the night was abruptly broken up by the neighbour's burly dog. The dog was barking furiously before Naomi had time to read the second sentence of the psalm. The sounds of shattering glasses and crashing furniture were heard above familiar screaming voices. It was the dreaded Malinowski family again who brought shame and disgrace to Upper Ashworth.

The Malinowski's fought violently inside and outside of the house. It was astonishing how there were no fatalities. Mr. Malinowski and his son-law were at war with each other. Mr. Malinowski was a short, slim built man with silver hair. He was made redundant from British Leyland, once a leading car manufacturer in the West Midlands. He had not worked for the last ten years since leaving British Leyland. He went into the dog breeding business to make a living. He wanted to be his own boss without depending on anyone else.

You expected him to behave more maturely but he was quite the opposite. He had a total disregard for the authorities. His home was raided frequently by the police. Most of the neighbours knew that Mr. Malinowski and his side kicking son in law were breeding dogs illegally and were up to no good. They were scared of them. Their names would often appear in the court section of the local newspaper. Together they were a selfish pair of villains but they cared passionately about the children in the area when they were both sober. It seems that they had far too much alcohol to drink as they celebrated their winnings from the dog fight in the early hours of Sunday morning. There was no holding them back until they had all fallen asleep into a coma.

In the past, Mr. Singh, a Neighbourhood Watch Supporter, who lived on the estate, would have usually reported them to the police. But on this occasion he was unavailable. The Singh family was in Paris on holiday. For once the neighbours' just could not rely upon the Singh family to call out the police. Someone else had to take responsibility. It was the duty of all good citizens to support the Neighbourhood Watch. Naomi was so annoyed with the anti-social behaviour of the Malinowski's that she contacted the police without any regards for her own safety. Several police cars arrived at their house within the next hour. The flashing of blue and white lights from the police cars illuminated the whole street. All the houses within 50 metres radius of the Malinowski's home were exposed. The neighbours peeped through the curtains to watch the whole commotion of the police arresting members of the family.

The last time they had such drama and excitement on their street was when Mrs. Singh was warned by an undercover CID for blocking his car on the public space in front of her house. It was so funny. The CID wanted to go home but she wouldn't move her car until she saw his ID badge and she blown his cover. Apart from that incident, nothing ever happened in Upper Ashworth.

The police men and dogs entered into the Malinowski's house. Then, there was a brief moment of tranquillity. They arrested Mr. Malinowski and his son in law inside of the house. The police handcuffed their wrists together. The handcuffs were partially covered with the perpetrators coats and they bungled them gently into the car.

Mrs. Malinowski stood alone figure in front of her house. She watched tearfully as the speeding police car took away her husband and son-law and disappeared down the street. For a brief moment there was eye to eye contact between Naomi and Mrs. Malinowski. She struck her burned index finger up at Naomi in a defiant mood letting her know in no uncertain terms that Naomi was the source. Naomi didn't care. She had nothing else left to lose. She was willing to take on the whole world.

Mrs. Malinowski walked slowly back to the house holding onto the handrails to lift her strong leg onto the next level of steps. Polio had left her right leg partially paralyzed as a kid in Poland. She was unhappy with her lot and despite all the heartache she kept on believing that one day her husband was going to change. She had unbelievable faith in Mr. Malinowski. She was a devout catholic woman who believed marriage was for life. Naomi respected her views on marriage but she was unsympathetic of Mrs. Malinowski stubbornness in staying married to a lay about husband. Mrs. Malinowski worked part-time at Waitrose and sold Avon perfume on the doorsteps to make ends meet. She was a former employee of the Shepherd Bakery for more than twenty years but she left the bakery after the fire.

Finally, Mrs. Malinowski returned indoors closing the front door of the house. Thank God for normality. Tranquility was wonderfully restored to the streets of Upper Ashworth. Naomi returned back to her bible reading before the telephone rang several times and Naomi picked up the phone on the twelfth ring.

"Hello."

"It's me, Jill."

"How are you, Naomi?"

"I'm fine."

"Is it okay to talk?"

"Yes."

"I just wanted to talk to you about Jayne and the photo incident this afternoon."

"Am all ears, Jill."

"It's a long story, Naomi."

"Well, why don't you start from the beginning?"

"It's difficult, Naomi."

"How is the truth difficult?"

"It just is."

"Wasn't it you who told me that the truth shall set you free."

"Actually it was Jesus."

"It's time to be serious and you need to be more transparent with me, Jill."

At that point, Jill did not want to open up old wounds. She knew she needed to disclose to Naomi about her personal life even though it felt uncomfortable to her.

"Who is Jayne's father, Jill?"

# Fourteen

Jill took a deep intake of breath and said, "Mr. Bate is the father of Jayne."

"Wow!"

"I was meaning to tell you the identity of Jayne's father years ago."

"Why have you kept this secret from me so long?"

"I made a vow with our dad to keep the identity of Jayne's father a secret."

"Dad was so cruel to make you do this."

"He was trying to avoid another scandal" and "He wanted to protect his ministry."

"He did a bad job of protecting his ministry with all the alleged sexual assaults of female members of the church exposing him."

"I guess he is a bit of a hypocrite."

"Jill, you are my big sister and I love you no matter what. But...."

"But what is it, sis?"

"Don't you think Jayne have a right to know the truth?"

"Yes, but not now, Naomi."

"She is fifteen and is old enough to know the truth."

"If the truth came out it would break Jeff's heart."

"Haven't you told Jeff yet?"

"No, Jeff believes I had adopted Jayne."

"Jeff' is a grown man who is strong enough to hear the truth."

"I'm scare to tell him. He might leave me. I love him too much."

"Despite what I think of Jeff, he is a good man. He loves you, dearly and he would never leave you."

"Anyway, how did you meet Mr. Bates?"

"I had a crush on Mr. Bates during our student days at college. There was a strong chemistry between us. We were young and single without a care in the world. We mapped out our future together on the canteen paper towel. We were truly in love with each other without looking too closely at our warts."

"What went wrong, Jill?"

"I didn't read the small prints or paid attention to his shortcoming."

"What do you mean love?"

"Mr. Bates was a control freak."

"What did he do to warrant such a label?"

"He monitored all my telephone calls, letters and emails to cover up all his insecurities. I felt like a trapped woman living a jail sentence. I was literally fighting for my life."

"It sounds to me that he was a brutish man."

"Mr. Bates hurt me real bad. I hated him during those earlier days when he punched, kicked and abused me for talking to male friends. I had enough of him and had reached my breaking point and left him pregnant with Jayne."

"Why didn't you tell me about him? You must have been going through torture."

"I was much too ashamed and afraid of him to tell you."

"You know I am always there for you, sis."

"I know you are, Naomi."

"I would have never experienced panic attacks and anxiety if it was not for Mr. Bates."

"Sometimes my thoughts change from being rational to suicidal."

"It's okay. You can tell me. We're sisters."

"I didn't want to travel down that dark path anymore so I threatened to stab him with a kitchen knife when he pulled up his sleeves and shouted abuse at me. He ran for his life. I was four weeks pregnant with Jayne and my hormones were all over the place."

"Did Mr. Bate know you were pregnant, Jill?"

"Yes. He told me to abort the baby. He didn't want to know me, Naomi."

"I am so, so, sorry. What an irresponsible man."

"I was very depressed and had nowhere to live. I agreed with dad to stay with my grandma in Jamaica to keep my baby. Jayne was born in Jamaica. Mum and dad were very upset with me for having a baby out of wedlock. They were ashamed of me."

"Why did they send you to Jamaica?"

"In those days, my pregnancy was viewed by the elders in the church as a disgrace. Never mind that the minister's daughter had backslidden. It was a blot on dad's ministry."

"If Jesus can forgive Mary Magdalene for her sins then he can surely forgive you of your sins too, Jill."

"I know that darling. I'm a lot stronger now. It's all in the past. The experience of living with Mr. Bates initiated my anxiety leading to panic attacks."

"Mr. Bate is a wolf in sheep clothing."

"It is all in the past now. Let it stay in the past Naomi."

"How did you meet Jeff?"

"We were friends at a local church in New Kingston and we talked about practically everything. His first wife died in a tragic car accident. Eventually, we drifted into each other arms and it felt right. We couldn't leave each other so we got married."

"Was Jeff driving the car?"

"Yes. What are you implying?"

"I don't know."

"You're not thinking Jeff had anything to do with the murder of his wife?"

"Whatever gave you that idea, Jill?"

"And it has never crossed your mind, Naomi."

"I just know you too well. You've never liked Jeff."

"Well there is something fishy about him."

"Like what Naomi."

"Prior to the accident Jeff was a letch. He was having numerous affairs."

"I know everything about Jeff."

"Doesn't that bother you, Jill?"

"Not really."

"He is a flirt."

"He was a flirt. He's now a changed man since converting to Christianity."

"Once a man is an adulterer he will always be an adulterer."

"Not Jeff."

"How do you know he is not cheating on you at work?"

"Most women know if their men are unfaithful. If he ever cheated on me he wouldn't be sharing my bed. Trust me."

"How is your love life, Naomi?"

"There was once someone in my life" and "He was called Jim."

"Oh Jim, he was a sincere and decent gentleman."

"I wish he was."

"He was always friendly with me."

"We are definitely not talking about the same Jim, who is a philanderer."

"Never was. What happened to you and Jim?"

"He had a weakness for long legged blonds. He was far too flirtatious with other women for my liking. The truth is I wanted him to value me and appreciate my worth. I felt he was too preoccupied with other girls and in doing so he had disrespected me as a person."

"Are you over him?"

"I don't want to talk about him anymore?"

"Okay."

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about Jim."

"Yes."

"We've all been hurt sometimes in our lives. Our hearts and emotional well beings will begin to heal again as we open up the channels of communication to God. You must stop living in the past and start living from today, Naomi."

"I am truly over, Jim."

"I feel that there is someone else other than Jim which you are not sharing with me."

"What do you mean, Jill?"

"I know you far too well. You are hiding an affair from your big sister."

"There is no one in my life anymore, Jill."

"Ever since mum went into hospital and whilst dad was imprisoned, you went quiet on me. We didn't meet up as much as before. You changed from being a bubbly young lady to a wry woman of the world."

"What do you want from me, Jill?"

"Who is he, Naomi?"

"I have told you before, it was Jim."

"Come on sis, it is me who you are talking to."

"You're not letting go of this. Are you, Jill?"

"No. I am all ears."

"And nose as well."

"Don't be so cheeky. I am now relaxed and have settled into my armchair. Now, you can start from the beginning, Naomi."

"Have you got your popcorn next to you, Jill?"

"Yes. Now start from the beginning and please don't leave out any details."

"It was a cold and windy day in December."

"I don't mind the details but I don't want to hear about a weather forecast."

"Okay, Jill. Do you really want to know?"

"Off course I do. Now tell me everything."

"I was extremely low at the time when mum went in care."

"Didn't I give you enough support?"

"Darling, you were quite supportive. I knew you were busy with Jayne and a friend of our family came around to see me. We spend a great deal of time talking about everything and anything."

"He sounds like a nice young man."

"What make you think he is a young man?"

"Isn't he?"

"No."

"No way girl," shouted Jill.

"I never would have guessed that you are into the older, wrinkly and grey hair men. I hope for your sake Naomi, he has the exact image of Sean Connery prototype?"

"He is more like a Denzel Washington lookalike."

"Denzel is a married man. Is your fella married?"

"I am not answering you?"

"Is your fella married?" repeated Jill.

"Yes. He is."

"What."

"He is a married man. Are you happy now, Jill?"

"We were both bought up to respect marriage and sex before marriage is still forbidden in the church."

"I was not in the church, remember. Anyway, dad is no angel."

"God has given us a free will to make our own choices. You must say no way."

"As I said before the mum's illness made me vulnerable and he gave me lots of attention which I needed. At first I rejected his affections but He was too determined and persistant in pursuing me."

"Darling, he is a cold blooded predator. He took advantage of your innocence and vulnerability. He won't leave his wife and children for you. I don't want to be cruel but you are his bit on the side."

"Don't you think I know that? I have struggled with this relationship for some time. I hated myself for living a double life. I despised the very thought of him cheating on his wife."

"Have you ended the relationship with your married lover or is he still lurking around you ready to pounce on your young flesh."

"I am old enough to make my own decisions, Jill. It's my life and will you stop lecturing me?"

"No, I won't. I'm your big sister."

"Isn't Jeff entertaining you enough?"

"What do you mean by that, Naomi?"

"You know exactly what I meant."

"You are so naughty, Naomi."

"Sorry sis. I am a bit sensitive."

"Even if Jeff was entertaining me and I'm not saying he is not, I would still make time for you, sis."

"I know you would, Jill."

"I won't be lecturing you anymore if you promise me that you will end the relationship with the unnamed married man."

"It's been over a while ago."

"How long is a while ago?"

"It's been two months."

"He'll be back for more. Go back to church girl and find yourself a good God fearing man."

"There are not enough men in the church, Jill."

"God has hidden them away in a cave just like He did in the Old Testament when He hid the prophets from Jezebel."

"I am no Elijah."

"You don't need to be Elijah. God loves you."

"Thanks sis."

"Listen to me carefully, Naomi."

"Yes."

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yes. What is it?"

"Don't you make a rash decision in quitting your job? Also, I want you to write to Mr. George Brown requesting a copy of your supervision notes and the council safeguarding policy and procedures. If they want a fight, we'll give them a fight."

"Thanks you for your support, Jill."

"That's what sisters are there for. I will call you back later. Jeff is probably wandering where I am. We have hardly spent time together these days especially when Jayne is becoming more and more obsessed with her hair."

"Is there anything you wish to talk to me about Jayne?"

"Not really. Why have you asked me this question?"

"Jayne needs a lot of assurances and guidance from you and Jeff."

"It's normal for teenagers to seek support from their parents."

"Yes. But she is seeking approval repetitively about her appearances."

"I'll speak you tomorrow, Naomi."

"Okay, speak to you, later."

# Fifteen

Jill and Jeff had cared for Jayne without any support from the local authority or relatives. Naomi felt Jayne was acting strange and had wanted Jill to shed some light on Jayne odd behaviour. She decided to phone Jill a few minutes following their last telephone conversation.

"Jill, I can't sleep. I know there is something wrong with Jayne?"

"There is nothing wrong with Jayne."

"I don't believe you, Jill."

"Jayne is a healthy girl who is anxiously waiting for her exam results, Naomi."

"I noted that Jayne is very obsessive with her hair and figure."

"She is a teenage for god sake."

"Yes. But she seems different. Why is she so repetitive?"

"You know the old Jamaican saying?"

"Which one are you talking about, Jill?"

"Your hair is your beauty."

"Beauty is skin deep?"

"Rubbish Naomi. Not in this world. It's the outside that counts. If you don't look groomed and anorexic the boys won't like you."

"There is too much pressure placed on teenage girls to look like Barbie dolls which is why Jayne is extremely obsessive with her hair."

"I noted how many times she had mentioned her hair to you and to Jeff."

"Do you think she is mentally well, Jill?"

"Yes."

"I have kept on telling Jayne to stop worrying about her hair. There is one particular girl who was gossiping about Jayne's hair. Her hair looked awful."

"That's peer pressure, Jill. Girls can be amazingly bitchy."

"I know."

"Society expects girls to be skinny and wearing short skirts or miss sexy black trouser."

"Jayne is overweight and girls taunt her at school for wearing size 20 clothes."

"She doesn't need all that criticisms, Jill."

"Jayne seems to be continually requiring reassurances from me and Jeff about her appearances. I can't relax at home like other mums do. She wants me to take her out every day. I have no time to rest at home. I'm not happy. She is driving me mad, Naomi."

"I thought Jayne was a bubbly and happy little girl."

"Yes, she still has her moments. At home, Jayne is a scatter brain. Her physical development is on track. But her mental capacity needs stimulating 24/7.The other day Jayne threw out all of her clothing from the bedroom onto the bathroom floor and they remain there unless Jeff and I pick them up."

"That is typical of most teenagers, Jill."

"I know that, Naomi."

"She was disappointed with Jody who had promised to meet her at Burger King. Jody was Jayne's acquaintance and she was still in her bed when we called her on the phone."

"Oh crumbs. Jayne must have been heartbroken."

"The whole family suffered the consequences of Jody nonappearance."

"What do you mean by that, Jill?"

"She called me the worst mother in the world and Jayne wished I was dead. I am not invited to her wedding and she told me she isn't coming to my funeral."

"I don't think she meant it, Jill."

"She kicked Jeff, shouted and spat on me and she threatened to stab us."

"Jayne clearly doesn't know the social boundaries."

"I know God has blessed me with Jayne but sometimes I called her the devil child out of frustration. I feel like taking my life but I hold onto a hope that things will get better."

Naomi wished she could reach over to Jill and give her a hug. She felt upset hearing Jill talk openly about her suicidal thoughts.

"I can't stand the pressure here and there is no help for parents."

"Your future will be good and Jayne will get the help she so desperately needs."

"I hope my life will change for the better, Naomi."

"It will change. How is she doing at school?"

"The teachers don't understand her. She presents herself to the teachers as being a verbally matured pupil. When she had asked the teachers to repeat the same question four times they were annoyed with her for not listening to them and they gave her a detention. They don't understand that Jayne's brain needs to hear things more than once."

"How does she relate to the other children at her school?"

"She hates debating with the other kids in the classroom on citizenship. Jayne doesn't know what to say in large group settings. She has no confidence in talking within a group."

"I know I was quiet when I was a youngster at school. I didn't have many friends as well. It's different from when we we've young at school. Girls are much more insensitive and uncaring. Does she like her new school?"

"No. She hates it."

"Do you think she is shy?"

"No."

"You can tell me, Jill."

"Jayne has become more withdrawn at secondary school. She is finding it difficult to talk to girls of her own age. She has never been invited to birthday parties. She did befriend a girl who was a compulsive liar. Jayne was even more ostracized by the other girls. Jayne has always defended the oppressed."

"Is there something more you would like to share with me, Jill? We are sisters, you know. You can tell me anything."

"There is nothing more I would like to share with you, Naomi."

"Promise me Jill you won't hide anything else from me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"This is different?"

"You know I'm always here to support you, Jill."

"I know that."

"Well."

"Well what."

"Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Don't change the subject."

"Jayne doesn't like going to school. Jayne was happy at primary school. Ever since she started going to the secondary school she has changed from being a pleasant girl to a very angry girl."

"It's so sad. What's wrong with Jayne?"

"Don't get me wrong she is still a wonderful girl. It's like a hostile and aggressive person has repossessed her body and her behaviour at home is manic when she has a bad day at school."

"Is she having difficulties adjusting from primary school to secondary school?"

"Oh yes, secondary schools are far larger than primary school. The Secondary School of Ashworth has over a thousand pupils whilst Lower Ashworth Primary School has less than two hundred children."

"Yes. One can get total lost in a secondary school setting."

"At the primary school, the Headmaster knew every pupils names whilst at the Secondary school children are anonymous unless they are either naughty or bright."

"I totally agree with you, Jill. Secondary schools are too big and far too impersonal to provide support to children who have different needs."

"They expect all children to fit into a certain mode and God help the child who deviates from the norm."

"One size doesn't fit all."

"How is she getting on with the bitchy girls?"

"She finds it hard challenging the girls. Jayne wants to be popular with all of the girls. In her mind she can't understand the logic behind why those girls are nasty and cruel to other girls."

"She needs to understand that in this life there are people who love us and people who dislike us for no apparent reason."

"Do you think her hormones are now kicking in and they are affecting her mood swings?"

"Maybe, she tends to soak up stress at school and release her anger at home. When Jayne comes home from school, she is shouting abuse and is insulting Jeff which is discourteously to me. We can't take it anymore," cried Jill.

"It must be putting a lot of strain on your marriage."

"She is ruining our lives. I hate her, Naomi."

"Last night Jayne was spraying deodorant into my eyes and she used a sharp instrument to scratch a line across my laptop screen. She has wrecked the house."

"I have tried contacting you and Jeff at home but you were both out."

"Yes. We have both avoided coming home early. It's best to stay out late at work. Home is a living battlefield. You say to yourself what have we done wrong in this life to deserve disrespect from our children. You become more irrational by thinking that God is punishing you for having an illicit relationship or you start to think that you are a bad parent."

"You are both loving parents and being an unmarried mum at the time is not a prerequisite for having a difficult child. I am here to support you both. How can I help you?"

"Can you have Jayne over to yours for a few days?"

"No problem. What about this weekend, Naomi?"

"I'm moving into a new flat and Jayne can come over then."

"Thank you, sister. We need a break from Jayne. She is driving us mad. She keeps waking us up at 2 am in the morning shouting abuse at us. We're shattered by lack of sleep. My eyes are now yellowish. I could do with a good night sleep, sis. I'm running on empty. I'm living in a tight box desperately trying to find an exit route."

"Do you think she needs counselling?"

"We all need counselling."

"We're going to change her school and see if we can get her a specialist school with support and counselling," said Jill with a big yearn.

"Be careful with counsellors."

"Why did you say that, Naomi?"

"Do you remember big Susan who worked in my office?"

"Yes. She lost weight far too quickly and she looked grey."

"She had not only lost weight she also lost her job as a social worker."

"No way, you're kidding me."

"No, I am not."

"Susan was a close friend of mine and she was an excellence social worker and the parent of Shane. She was a beautiful, elegant and intelligent Caribbean woman at the top of her profession until her son told some untruths at the counselling sessions and the counsellor reported Susan to the child protection team for over chastising her son."

"I can confirm that Susan was a loving and caring parent living under extreme pressure with her son who had severe behavioural problems at home."

"You know that she was crying out for help and all she got were social workers visiting her son every three weeks and taking a snapshot view of the family relationships without knowing the child and the family."

"The social workers have preconceived views of the black family. They were happy to remove their children from the family once the black male had admitted to hitting his son with provocation."

"They told Susan that they were working together in partnership under section 45.This means Susan must cooperate with them and do not question them about anything."

"They have far too much power."

"The social workers have delegated power to take away children and leaving the parents without any authority. Parents have no voice."

"Are you telling me they listened to the child and not to the parent when they carried out their assessment?"

"Yes. They don't care about Susan's son because they asked a family friend to drop him off to a relative house without checking who lived in the house and they did not make prior arrangements with Susan."

"I have worked with some social workers who have no understanding of Caribbean families."

"What do mean by that?"

"I mean they assume that all Caribbean people use their Christian religion to justify smacking their children and that grandparent's beat their children with belts. They think we have a culture of beating our children."

"They don't know the difference between reasonably hitting with the palm of the hand and beating."

"The child protection team tears down the family rather than build them up with children against parents and brothers against sisters. We are living in the last days."

"We need more Caribbean social workers to support Caribbean children as they have more understanding of cultural differences."

"I have attended case conferences where all the agencies are white Europeans."

"Well at least the chair of the case conference is independent."

"The chair is employed by social services and she was privy to the social workers initial visit."

"No way."

"The social workers were discussing their visits and her notes with the chair."

The chair informed Susan that the social worker had told her on the night of the initial visit that her daughter was turning up the volume of the TV causing problems. Susan was annoyed that the chair was partial. The chair impartiality was compromised from the first initial investigation. Susan was stitched up. The chair made up her mind before the conference. It was a dumb deal. News got around the office and elsewhere that a black family new to a predominantly white area had a child registered on the child protection plan.

"That is so terrible. Some social workers were breaching confidentiality before and after the conference."

"There is nothing fair about the case conference. People have their stereotypes of Caribbean families stemming from Victoria Climbe."

"They think every Caribbean child is another Victoria Climbe' waiting to happen."

"They manage risks without looking at the facts. My advice to you, sis, is to take Jayne to the doctors and forget about social services."

"They won't do anything even if she is diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. They will leave all the other professions to sort it out for them. They are utterly useless."

"Don't they work in partnership with the parents?"

"Yes. They don't listen to the parents and they disliked Christians. The voice of the child is paramount whether they are telling the truth or not."

"Thank you for your words of advice. I'll take Jayne to the doctor and they can make a referral to the psychologist."

"I'll leave you to sleep then, Jill. It's getting late."

"I am sorry, Naomi. I'm tired."

"Get some sleep love and I'll see you when I see you."

# Sixteen

Naomi looked at her watch it was six o'clock in the evening. The grey clouds slowly gathered momentum crowding out the sunlight shining through the dark blue sky. Traffic was moving leisurely along the busy roads of Lower Ashworth. Tempers were blaring from drivers who wanted to get home early.

Naomi was still on suspension from work. She switched on the BBC News Channel and Jacob Smith, the news presenter read out the evening news Naomi most feared.

"A nine month old baby has suffered the most brutal, senseless and cowardly act of violence at the hands of his mother and her partner according the West Midlands Police. It was reported that the baby was taken to Washington Carver Hospital on 12th February but he did not survive his injuries. The West Midlands Police said a 40 year-old man and the baby mother, Sarah Hunt have both pleaded guilty to the murder of Baby G. They have both been taken into custody pending criminal proceedings. Let us now return to the District of Ashworth for the latest update of the story from the BBC Home affairs correspondent reporter, Hilary Sinclair."

"Can you give us the latest update on the Baby G tragedy, Hilary?"

"I am afraid we've lost contact with Hilary and we will have a more updated account of the tragedy later on."

"I think we are now getting an audible and visual contact with Hilary."

"Can you hear me, Hillary?"

"Jacob, I can hear you much clearer now."

"Has there been any further development on the Baby G tragedy?"

"Baby G was known to the Ashworth District Council Social Services and he was under their care and supervision when he was attacked by Rupert Dawkins."

"A post-mortem examination of Baby G later confirmed he had died as a result of internal injuries including abdominal hemorrhaging. Baby G had also suffered a lacerated liver, bruising to his forehead and fractured ribs."

"A retired barrister has informed me that the couple will be jailed for life and will be ordered to serve a minimum sentence of 13 years. Baby G lived with his mother at the David Close estate in Lower Ashworth where the attack took place."

"What else can you tell us about social services involvement in this case?"

"Baby G was assessed by Social Services and was at risk because the mother had severe depression. Social Services were unaware of Rupert Dawkins living at the property with the mother and baby."

"The mother had refused the social workers visiting access to the baby."

"A leading Child Protection Agency came out and said the law needs to be changed to force mothers to give access to social workers without obtaining a court order."

"Yes. The National Children Services are campaigning for a change in the law."

"A government minister has informed me there is no need to change the law. It's working but it needs a greater collaboration between agencies."

"What will happen to the social workers and the agencies involved who have failed so dismally to protect Baby G?"

"Do you know whether we will get a report from the Director of the Children Services for Ashworth?"

"We've heard that there will be a full scale national enquiry into the death of Baby G."

"Do you know who the Minister for Schools and Children will appoint to lead the investigation?" "What we do know is the Minister for Schools and Children will make that announcement shortly today."

"Thank you Hilary for your report. We will now turn to the senior investigating officer Detective Superintendent, John Harts."

"Hello Detective Superintendent John Harts."

"Hello Jacob Smith."

"Can you tell us what went wrong leading up to the death of Baby G?"

"The couple in question attacked a tiny defenceless baby who has now been cruelly robbed of his life and future. His injuries are horrific. My sympathy and that of my team go out to the baby's biological father."

"Sorry to interrupt you, Detective Superintendent John Harts, we have just had a newsflash of a disturbance occurring in Lower Ashworth."

"We can go over to Commander John Lakehurst."

"There is mayhem and rioting on the streets of Lower Ashworth."

The Lower Ashworth Riots was sparked off by the police stopping and searching a young black male on Future Road and they bungled him into the back of a police van. Youths threw rocks and stones at the police, escalating into a full scale riot along Future Road. The post office was robbed and burnt down to the ground. Other shop front windows were smashed by rioters. A large collection of electrical goods were stolen from the shops.

At that point, Naomi switched off the television. Baby G death was now in the public domain. Naomi, the social worker, was soon to be known to the public for the death of a helpless and innocent baby. She was vulnerable and exposed to the whole world and her name would be closely associated with negligence and incompetence.

In Naomi's mind the world had conspired against her. She can't face the public. Shame and condemnation were too much for her to bear. Life was not worth living. The easiest option for her was to end it all. Her dream of protecting young children was in chaos. Everyone will think she is inadequate and a total failure. The BBC news coverage of Baby G death has dealt her a devastating blow. She was completely overwhelmed by the powerful voice of the media. Detective Superintendent John Hart words were ingrained into her thoughts. He said Baby G was left defenceless at the mercy of her attackers.

For Naomi, her personal failure to protect Baby G was unforgiveable. There was no way she could ever forgive herself. She was condemned to become a prisoner of the tragedy. It was the same fate in which her mum had suffered over the ars being trapped in past circumstances. The doctors had told her that her mum's mental illness was heightened by acrophobia and anxiety.

Naomi's mother was married to a well-known pastor who served a four year jail sentence for sexually assaulting three women parishioners. He lived a double life of preaching about the sanctification of marriage and having relationships with other women. They remortgage the house to cover the pastor huge legal fees. Her dad pleaded guilty to sexually harassment and the paying out of compensations to the injured parties cost them their home. The whole episode caused Naomi's mother mental health to descend into clinical depression.

Naomi was the sole carer for her mother. When her mother went into care Naomi had lost her best friend and became cynical about life. She hated her father for destroying her mother's life. She hasn't seen him for years and had never really forgiven him for her mother mental illness and for the public humiliation of the family. The loss of her mother through mental illness lingered freshly in her mind even today. She helped manage her mum's medication until her mum attacked her and now her dad was released from prison as a free man. She heard from other relatives living in Jamaica that her father had returned to the ministry preaching in towns and villages.

The very thought of it made Naomi emotionally and physically sick. He was a sheep in wolf clothing. She blamed him for her mother admission into a care home and Naomi had never forgotten how her mum were hounded day and night by the media. The reliving of the past made Naomi so light headed that she crumbled into the white sofa. Naomi passed out cold.

# Seventeen

She was unconscious for hours until awaken by Mantel. He was concerned about Naomi's wellbeing having seen the news on BBC and he was also worried that she wasn't returning his phone calls so he decided to race over to Naomi's flat.

He was alarmed to discover that her keys were stuck inside of the barrel of the front door.

"Hello Naomi," shouted Mantel.

He walked into the reception room and found Naomi crashed out on the sofa. He discovered a sachet of Prozac screwed up on the floor next to Naomi. Mantel thought to himself, Naomi had taken an overdose of pills? He became somewhat hysterical when she wasn't responding to her name. It was far too late. Naomi is dead. She had committed suicide. He was not there for her when she needed him most. Mantel was heartbroken and his eyes were filled with tears before he heard her cough. Naomi was now slowly coming around.

Naomi's vision of Mantel was a bit blurry eyed. She thought that he was an intruder.

"Help me! I am being robbed."

"It's me, Mantel."

"You scared the living daylight out of me."

"Sorry Naomi, I meant you no harm. I was worried about you. So I decided to come round to see you."

"How many tablets have you taken, Naomi?"

"Obviously, not enough as I'm still here."

"Give me a straight answer. How many tablets have you taken?"

"The tablets helped me to cope with my mother living in a care home."

"You can't spend the rest of your life living on antidepressants. You need counselling and support."

"You can't discuss the loss of a love one with church members. They don't listen after a while."

"Why don't you join a support group outside of church?"

"Why are you here? Did you see the BBC news at 6?"

"Yes. The youths are rioting on the streets as we speak. It is so shocking. How can they destroy their own community?"

"They are thugs, Mantel."

"They are reacting to a political system that has suppressed them for years, Naomi."

"You are far too soft, Mantel. There aren't any excuses for looting and vandalizing from shopkeepers. They are an angry mob with no morals or honour. They are sheer opportunist criminals pilfering the street of Lower Ashworth. Did you hear about Baby G?"

"Yes. You will be alright."

"Don't be so flippant."

"I am not."

"Why are you here, Mantel?"

"I just wanted to be here for you."

"You haven't come here to make fun of me. Have you?"

"No. I wanted to make sure you are alright."

"I'm alright, now get out of here."

"Are you sure you are okay, Naomi?"

"I've told you before I'm alright," she said loudly.

"You don't sound okay to me."

"I am fine. Now get out of here."

"You weren't answering your phone. I have tried ringing you on your home phone and on your mobile."

"I don't need your help. Please leave me alone."

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong with you, Mantel?"

"I have just cut my finger on your settee. There is a loose pin sticking out of the fabric."

"Sue me. Come here you big softy."

"It's quite painful."

"I'll run cold water over your finger."

Naomi held Mantel index finger under the running water. He enjoyed the intimate touch of her hand on his finger combined with the scent of her perfume playing havoc with his senses. Mantel stared into Naomi eyes for a few seconds. The feeling was mutual between them. He loved Naomi ever since they were children. Naomi adored Mantel because he was always there for her during the sunshine, rain and storms of her life. He had never abandoned her nor had he forsaken her, no matter what.

"Don't get any wrong idea now," teased Naomi.

"What do you mean?"

"Just don't."

"I won't," smiled Mantel.

"Keep your eyes off my breasts."

"I am not looking at them."

"Don't you like them?"

"No. I meant there must be some misunderstanding."

"There is no misunderstanding. I know you like me."

"I don't want to have a sexual relationship with you, Naomi. I would still like to be your friend."

"You don't expect me to believe you. I know you want to be more than a friend."

"Don't flatter yourself, Naomi. I'm only here to support you."

"Are you any different from most men? Most men would take advantage of me. My dad used my mum."

"I'm not that kind of man. I believe in Jesus when he said no greater love than a friend who lay down his life for a friend and I'm willing to sacrifice my life for you, Naomi."

"That is the kindest word someone has ever spoken to me. Thank you, Mantel."

"Ouch!"

"You are such a baby."

"I hate the sight of blood especially when it's my mine own."

"You should thank God that you are not a woman giving birth, Mantel."

"That's why I had chosen to work in social work rather than in the hospital."

"I think the bleeding has stopped, Mantel."

The washbasin was filled with blood and water. Naomi pulled the plug out and sprayed bleach on the white ceramic surface and washed away the blood stains from the wash basin.

"How did you get inside my flat, Mantel?" and "How long have you been waiting here?"

"I have been sitting there since 8 pm. Your keys were stuck inside of the front door so I thought that you must have forgotten them. I suppose that you have so many things going on in your mind."

"You must have been bored sitting there for such a long time."

"Yes."

"You weren't drooling over me?"

"Off course I wasn't."

"Don't you think I have a good womanly physique?"

"You have a naughty sense of humour and you looked more stunning nowadays."

"Carefully, I thought you were a man of God."

"I am. I just got carried away. I am not a piece of wood without feelings. I have said enough. It is time for me to leave. Coming to see you was not a good idea."

"Don't leave me, Mantel. You've started something and I'm going to finish it and I know you won't take advantage of me when I'm at my lowest. It is good to talk. It takes my mind off the way I'm feeling. Keep on talking to me and don't you ever stop giving up on me. I'm not the easiest person to get along with."

"You can say that again."

"Don't be so cheeky."

"Do you recall the time we first met in the college canteen?" said Naomi.

"I can," and "Yes, you gave me all of your Cornish pastry and I ate it in one go."

"We were two young people from the Caribbean community dreaming many dreams."

"Dreams can be achieved was our motto at college."

"We mapped out our future on the canteen paper towel."

"The dinner lady looked at us with disgust and she was not impressed with the screwed up paper towel."

"Yet, we both smiled at her nervously and agreed that each of the utensils represented our children. The knife and fork symbolized a girl and a boy respectively."

"We approached the end of our studies believing everyone had an equal chance in the job market."

"In reality the job market favoured the elite."

"We didn't care. We were young and naive and were challenging the system and championing our motto to everyone we met that dreams can be achieved."

"At the other end of the canteen, the dinner lady was waving her arms frantically towards us as if she was directing the air traffic."

"She was interrupting the flow of our conversation so we ignored her deliberately."

"We saw other pupils departing from the canteen at a brisk pace. They were heading towards the library like a herd of deer's rushing to streams of water."

"We didn't want to follow the crowd but the canteen lady let us know without any shadow of doubt when she shouted to us to leave the canteen."

"In a twinkle of an eye she switched off the light. It was curtains out. We decided to continue our discussion inside of the library."

"Can't you see Naomi, we wanted to be together. What went wrong, Naomi?"

"We lost contact with each other because you went to America to be with your family and I stayed in England to continue my education."

"I know that. But, I wrote to you once a week."

"I didn't get your letters. Daddy wanted me to marry James Heath."

"James Heath?"

"Yes, James Heath."

"James Heath dad was my dad's best friend. James had a crush on me. I didn't feel the same as he did."

"May I interject?"

"Go on then."

"James was slightly on the far end of the eccentric spectrum. Don't you think?

"In plain English he was weird."

"He was definitely not your type."

"So who do you think is my type, Mantel?"

"I have an idea?"

"Don't be shy and tell me."

"Well."

"I am waiting."

"I am thinking."

"And don't you stare at me with your bright mischievous smile. I have warned you that I am not all sugar but sometimes I am spice."

"I love spice."

"Don't change the subject, Mantel. What type of man would be my perfect match?"

"He must be sophisticatedly handsome and have a charming personality."

"Not bad for you, Mantel, but you missed out on a number of basic necessities which are essential for most women."

"And what may they be?"

"He must be working or have money as I am broke."

"I knew about your rendezvous with James, Naomi. I thought I meant something to you."

"I don't want to talk about him."

"Was James wealthy?"

"I'm not prepared to talk you about him."

"I was prepared to wait for you, Naomi."

"I didn't love you, Mantel. You have always been a good friend to me."

"Did you love James?"

"No."

Mantel was extremely upset. He set his heart on Naomi.

"If you weren't in love with James why didn't you answer my letters?"

"Are you hungry?"

"No. I ate my dinner before I came here."

"What did you eat?"

"Will you stop avoiding the question?"

"I just wanted to know what you eaten and not be crossed examined."

"Please can you give me a straight answer?"

"What question are you talking me about?"

"Why didn't you answer my letters?"

"Okay. No pressure."

"I just needed to know why you didn't answer my letters."

"You deserved an explanation from me."

"I am so sorry for causing you distress. I'll leave."

# Eighteen

"I couldn't answer your letters because dad hid them from me. I had only discovered them in his wardrobe when we were clearing out his old clothes from the house."

"So that was the reason why you haven't been returning my letters and I thought it was my aftershave."

"Well, you weren't wearing cologne."

"Guess not."

"It's been a long time since we've talked about the past, Mantel. We have always avoided talking about the good old days."

"It's good to talk about the past but let us not stay in the past. I'm not the same young man you used to know. I have grown up since then."

"Thank God for that. I'm not the same girl too. "You can't live in the past, Naomi. You must have a positive vision for your future."

"It's has been hard coping with life challenges but I'm still trying. Why are you here, Mantel?"

"I want to be here to support you."

"Can you offer me work?"

"No."

"You can't help me. I have too many bills to pay."

"I can buy your the weekly shopping."

"That's very kind of you. I'm not getting at you Mantel. I just need a job."

"You are going through a difficult patch. It will get better. You'll see."

"Why haven't you settled down with a nice Christian woman?"

"You once gave your life to Christ, Naomi."

"Look at me now. I'm messed up. My career is over and I am about to lose my flat in Upper Ashworth."

"Don't you be silly? You'll be okay."

"How do you know that?"

"I know that you will be alright."

"You're mad."

"Now get yourself something to eat and freshen up. We've going to the home group."

"No way, I'm not going to a home group and I am not being forced to wear a hat."

"You'll love it. God is not finish with you yet."

"I can't face meeting people."

"You can't lock yourself away in your apartment forever. No one will harm you or judge you at the home group."

"If anyone dare make a comment about me or my parents I'll be out of the house faster than Usain Bolt."

"Let us pray for a safe journey to the home group. Please close your eyes."

"Hurry up or I'll fall asleep."

"Father God, please can you protect us on our journey to the home group. God bless the home group leaders and God save our queen in King Jesus name, amen."

"That is how I like to prayer short and straight to the point."

"Where are we going, Mantel?"

"We are going to Phil and Margaret's house in Upper Ashworth."

"I once knew someone called Phil and he was a bit of a womaniser."

"I don't think this is the same Phil. He's been married to Margaret for at least 20 or more years."

"How do you know he is faithful to his wife?"

"Phil is a strong man of God. He's been a Christian for most of his life."

"My mum used to say that about my dad."

"Phil is not like that."

"You can be so naïve and gullible, Mantel."

"That's a bit below the belt, Naomi."

"In the Bible, Delilah had seduced Samson who was a mighty man of God and men are not immune from flirtatious women. Men are the weaker sex."

"Phil is different and he is much wiser than most men."

"Solomon was the wisest man on the planet earth but even he succumbed to a beautiful woman called Bathsheba."

"You made your point loud and clear, Naomi. It's time for us to go to the Home group."

"I don't want to stay there too long."

"We won't."

"Promise me."

"I promise you we will go as soon as the meeting is over."

"What do Phil look like?"

"He is tall with dark brown skin" and "He resembles Denzil Washington."

"Oh crumbs."

Naomi heart skipped a beat or two and the palm of her hands was unusually moist. Deep down inside of her Naomi was furious with Jill. Had she spoken to Mantel? Did Mantel know more than what he was letting out to her? Or was Mantel stringing her along? Naomi mind was playing havoc. It must be a coincidence. She didn't believe in coincidences. It must be planned by Jill and Mantel. It can't be planned. Mantel and Jill were not deceitful people. It was definitely a coincidence and she had to face her fears.

"What's wrong Naomi?"

"I have left my handbag behind in the bedroom."

"You are holding it in your hand."

"You know what we girls are like. We want to match our handbags with our outfits. I won't be too long."

She entered into the bedroom and picked up her black leather handbag which goes well with most of her clothes. The very thought of seeing Phil with his wife playing happy family made her feel physically sick. She whispered to herself repeatedly, I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthen me.

"I'm ready to go now, Mantel."

"Your taxi awaits you."

# Nineteen

The time was eight O'clock in the evening, twenty minutes before members had arrived to the home group meeting. Margaret and Phil had a frank discussion to clear the air. Margaret combed her long natural black hair in front of the mirror in the living room. She was about 18 years old when she married Phil who was twenty years her senior. At first, Phil was passionately intoxicated with Margaret's beauty. She was a slim and tall built woman towering over Phil by a foot. Phil was the main breadwinner when they first met. He supported her financially to pay off her student loans.

During those early days Phil had a regular job working as an accountant for a leading financial company before being made redundant. The gloominess of his job prospects had dulled his sense of adventure. He no longer acted with spontaneity or with any enthusiasm for the future. He became more withdrawn at home and was more inwardly looking and self -centred. He had lost his focus on God and was depressed and bitter about his life in general.

A disdained Margaret argued with him, "Don't you see, Phil, we need to renew our love to prevent it from becoming stale?"

"Are you saying I am not romantic anymore?"

"Yes. I am saying that you don't buy me flowers anymore, Phil and I love flowers."

"I know you want flowers but it's not a priority."

"Flowers don't cost that much Phil and the last time you bought me flowers was a few years ago."

"We didn't have the credit crunch in those days."

"Yes, we had black November under the Major government and you still bought me flowers. What's wrong with our marriage, Phil?"

"You are not saying that you made a mistake in marrying me. Are you, Margaret?"

"No. It's not about you, Phil. It's about us. I'm saying we need more time to talk about how to make our relationship better. We need to start speaking to a marriage counsellor."

Margaret gave him a stern look. Their relationship was fragile. She knew Phil hated talking to a counsellor and he won't put aside his feelings of jealousy toward her successes. Margaret had always complained to Phil about him spending too much time working on his allotments and having far less leisure time with her and the children.

Phil had two allotments in Lower Ashworth growing pumpkin, tomatoes, runner beans, rhubarbs, onions, lettuces, sweet corns and cabbages. He had green fingers and soil in beneath his nails. He sold his produce of vegetables to friends and family.

Margaret had several flourishing hairdressing businesses and was now the chief breadwinner. Phil was an old fashioned man with male chauvinistic tendency. Phil couldn't come to terms with his wife successes and he became resentful of her. He had lost his job due the economic decline in the manufacturing sector. He wanted so much to be less dependent upon Margaret. He had once loved her and she loved him conditionally. Nevertheless, they would argue about who would cook the meals followed by who was doing the washing up. Phil hated the idea of being a kept man who does the entire housework. Margaret was in love with Phil ever since she was teenager. He was a kind and gentle older man to her when she lost her beloved dad. In those earlier days Margaret was a lanky school girl with braces. She went to events where Phil would frequently visit to capture his attention.

"Phil, I can't stay another night here."

"Why?"

"There is too much pain here. We've grown apart. Our relationship has become routine and I'm tired of it."

Before Phil could fully reply to Margaret comments Mantel, Naomi and all the others arrived at the house. Margaret and Phil put aside their differences and greeted their visitors with hugs, handshakes and smiles.

"It's great to see you."

"You're looking fantastic, Sister Ruby."

"Thank you my darlings. Arthritis is killing me, Sister Margaret."

"We are getting old. One day Jesus will take us home and there will be no more crying and pain my dear sister."

"You are right, Sister Edna. I can't believe Sister Margaret has lost so much weight."

"It's all the exercise I have been doing."

"How are the kids, Phil?"

"They're doing well at college, Sister Ruby."

"Put the kettle on Margaret and make me a very hot cup of tea and make sure you rinse out the cup with hot water."

"Yes. Do you take milk and sugar, Sister Ruby?"

"No sugar please, I'm diabetic. Wind pain is travelling all around my back."

"Here you are, Sister Ruby, you should take a rennie."

"I have one in my bag, Sister Edna."

"I take them all of the time. They are good for trapped wind."

"Forget about your wind pain and warm yourself round the gas fire, "said Brother Reuben.

"Okay Brother Reuben."

Everyone gathered into the open lounge sitting away from the gas fire except Brother Reuben who took up residence there. Margaret was quietly reading her bible to herself and Jack, the elder of the church, was sleeping on the settee.

Sister Ruby, the wife of Elder Jack, nudged him to wake him up to no avail. He kept on snoring louder and louder. Phil turned off the electric fan because Sister Edna was having hot flushes. She was going through the menopause. Jan sat next to Mantel. Naomi sat opposite to Jan and positioned herself nearer to the exit door just in case someone may ask her to pray.

"I have not seen you in ages, Naomi. Where have you been hiding yourself?" asked Margaret.

"I have been there and everywhere."

"You are far too busy for me."

"It's good to see you, dear."

"We haven't seen you, Naomi, since your mom's went into care, "said Sister Edna.

A jubilant Elder Jack who raised Phil from childhood woke up immediately and was praising God for blessing him with sleep. Elder Jack spent most of his working life in England cutting metals at a local factory. He grew up in the parish of Clarendon, Jamaica. This was the same parish where Elder Jacks sister gave birth to Phil. Elderly Jack was a bit of a ladies' man, tall, dark and handsome.

"Who died?"

"No one died, Elder Jack."

"Go back to sleep, dear."

He told everyone that sleep was a gift sent from God. Everyone agreed with him to keep him quiet. Phil opened the meeting with a warm greeting to everyone. He could hardly hear himself speak without being constantly interrupted by Elder Jack's sermon on the benefits of sleep.

"Once again we welcome you all to our home," announced Phil.

"Sleep is good for your health," said Elder Jack.

"You will have plenty of rest when you're dead," replied grumpy Sister Ruby.

"I'm not dead yet. Let the dead bury the dead."

Phil was a little bit frustrated with Elder Jack's showmanship but he kept his composure in the midst of it. He stood up to readdress the group waving his hands in the air to get Elder Jack and Sister Ruby attention. Margaret was getting rather irritated with Elder Jack behaviour and his lack of humility. He wanted to be the main man. What's was important to her was the gospel of Jesus Christ rather than smothering Elder Jack's ego. Margaret took control of the meeting and addressed the group.

"Welcome to our home. It is good to see you all. The title for today discussion is called, 'Build your work upon the rock.' The scripture is taken from Matthew Chapter 7 verses 24-25. I would like to ask Sister Ruby to pray before Pastor Mantel read the scripture."

Sister Ruby looked visibly nervous before she closed her eyes to pray. "Please bow your heads. Lord, we want to thank you for your son, Mantel. We want to thank you, Lord, for the forgiveness of sin and protecting us from the evil one. We thank you Lord for saving us in Jesus name, amen.

"I can hardly hear you, Ruby. Speak up louder."

"Turn your hearing aid on, Jack."

Elder Jack refused to wear his hearing aid. He felt hearing aids were for older people. Ruby took out Elderly Jack hearing aid and he told her to put it back. Elder Jack burst into a song shaking his tambourine and praising God for at least two minutes until Phil grabbed his attention from the centre stage.

"Thank you, Elder Jack. We want you to turn to Matthew Chapter 7 verses 24 to 25 and to focus on building the right foundation. Can Pastor Mantel begin to read Matthew Chapter 7 verse 24 to 25?"

"Yes Phil, lets us now turn to Matthew Chapter 7 verses 24 to 25. It is the first book in the New Testament. Have you found Matthew, Elder Jack?"

"Not yet, I haven't got my glasses."

"While you are searching for the scriptures I would like to share with you some background material to this well-known parable. Jesus taught people in parables. He used everyday life events and simple languages of the time to explain the gospel."

"I found Matthew, Pastor Mantel," shouted Elder Jack.

Janet and Naomi were giggling quietly between themselves. They both loved Elder Jack spontaneity and enthusiasm at the start of the meeting but even they were becoming increasingly wary of his dementia. Pastor Mantel smiled at everyone to reassure them he was still in control before he rose to his feet.

"In Matthew Chapter 7 verses 24 to 25, Jesus said therefore whoever hears these sayings of mine and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who builds his house on the rock. The rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. Amen."

"Thank you for that lovely reading, Pastor Mantel."

"You are welcome, Phil."

Phil opened his black folder. He prepared his notes the night before. He read out his notes.

"God's word is a lamp unto my feet and a light onto my path. All mankind will travel along different journeys of life. Most people will take with them on the journey a variety of religions and philosophies to find the meaning of life."

"Yes Phil," said Elder Jack.

"Let Phil continue with his speech, Elder Jack," warned Sister Ruby.

"Go on, Phil."

"The bible tells us that Jesus is the word of God. He said he would provide us with purpose and direction when we walk with him. If we obey Jesus sayings we will be able to withstand the storms of life like the wise person who build his house upon the rock."

Sister May rose to her feet in tears. She was a long term carer for her disabled husband for twenty years.

"I have lost my husband a few years ago and I felt like giving up. I have been married to Brother John for over 40 years. He was my soul mate and my best friend. I started to read my bible again. Before, I was too busy caring for Brother John when he became ill. We relied on each other. Brother John meant everything to me. He was my life. I loved Brother John with all of my heart but I can't build my life on him. Life is temporary like quicksand. The scripture reminded me that Jesus is the solid foundation to build my life upon not Brother John. Jesus was my first love and I have decided to rededicate my life back to him as a spiritual bride of Christ."

Elder Jack was touched emotionally by Sister May's testimony. He supported and ministered to her over the years. He started to reminisce about his oversea ministry in Sierra Leone.

"During the middle of the night the rebel soldiers dragged me and Sister Ruby out of our bed. We were the oversea ministers in Sierra Leone. We were told to leave our goods, house and all of our possessions behind. We spent most of our money building the house in the surrounding farm land. We lost everything but our lives. The bible is right. We entered into this world naked and we leave the world naked. God owns everything."

"Sister Jan, how is your husband?"

"Sister Jan is not married Elder Jack," said Sister Edna.

"There are not enough men in the church. Most of the men want to party. They don't want to know God. They don't want to live the Christian life. The Christian life is too hard," claimed Sister Jan.

"Life is generally hard, Jan. But we have the promise of the comforter. He will help us through life's difficulties," said Margaret.

"Yes, we are surely in need of God's help" and "Where is the tea and biscuits, Margaret," asked Elder Jack.

"It's coming soon."

"I need to take my diabetic tablets."

Jan wanted a quiet word with Naomi about Mantel. Jan recognized Mantel had eyes only for Naomi. She thought Mantel was her man. She had known him for more years that she dared to remember. She had been working with Mantel for several years rebuilding the church. She had earned the right to wed him. Everyone expected it.

"Naomi, can you help me tie my hair back into a ponytail?"

"Sure."

"Let us go to the little girl's room."

# Twenty

Jan and Naomi walked out of the lounge and straight upstairs to the toilet. Jan pushed the door behind them and Naomi bolted the door. She took a comb and black ribbon out of her handbag and bushed Janet long black hair with strands of grey.

"Don't you go yet, Naomi? I want to talk to you."

"What do you want to talk to me about Jan?"

"What do you think of Mantel?"

"Why do you ask me?"

"You seem to be close to him."

"Yes. He is a nice man."

"He is more than a nice man. He is a special man."

"So he is. What has this got to do with me, Jan?"

"Forget that I have mentioned it."

"Okay."

"Then why are you looking so upset?"

"You can have any man in the world. Why do you want Mantel, Naomi?"

"Are you in love with Mantel, Jan?"

"Mantel has worked hard to build up the church when your father caused the church to split."

"You can't blame my dad for splitting up the church."

"The church was growing rapidly before your dad affairs with the sisters."

"I am not my dad's keeper and the Church people should have never placed my dad on a pedal stool and given him celebrity status. They did not fix their eyes on Jesus who is the author and finisher of their faith."

"Your dad did not fulfill his responsibilities within the church."

"Don't you lecture me on my dad's responsibilities within the church? He spent most of his youth working for the church on a low income."

"My mum worked two jobs to support the family before the church split up and as a consequence of maintaining the jobs her health deteriorated and she never recovered from my father infidelities. She gave up everything for the ministry."

"I am so sorry, Naomi. Please forgive me for speaking without thinking. I am just overprotective of Mantel."

"Jan, I would never hurt Mantel. He is all yours. You can have him."

"I saw Mantel looked at you. He only had eyes for you, Naomi. He will never be my man. He has always loved you from the earlier days when we were kids. I want you to make me a promise that you will look after him."

"I can't, Jan."

"You can do it."

They hugged each other and cried. Jan's dream of spending the rest of her life with the person she loved had ended in the bathroom. It was time for her to give up on a lost cause as she wiped away her tears.

"You're a good woman, Jan. You deserve him."

"I don't want your pity. I want you to take care of him."

"I can't, Jan."

"Yes, you can."

"Mantel is probably wandering where we are."

"He can wait a few more minutes while we powder our nose."

In the lounge, Sister Edna opened up to the group for the first time. She lived the lifestyle of a Rastafarian before becoming a born- again Christian.

"I used to smoke pot in one hand and read the bible in the other hand. I raised six children without the support of their father and have worked every day at the hospital as an Auxiliary Nurse. One day I collapsed at work and was rushed into the Accident and Emergency ward. I was diagnosed with cancer and was treated for chemotherapy in the hospital. A close friend of mine invited me to a healing service at his church."

"What happened at the service?"

"Evangelist Zoe made an altar call. She said there was someone here who had cancer and you have been crying out to the lord during the night. God wants to wipe away your tears and heal you."

"We remembered Evangelist Zoe from London."

"She called me to come out of my seat and to walk down to the front of the altar. She said God wanted to heal me tonight."

"Yes, man."

"I knew God was calling me. I had nothing to lose. My body was suffering with extreme pains and I was desperate to be well again. Before I stood up I had promised God that if he healed me I would serve him for the rest of my life. When I walked down the aisle my whole body felt warm. I was miraculously healed before I reached the altar."

"You were such a bitter person, Sister Edna."

"Yes. I was always angry with the church and I thought all miracles were scams. Today, I am a living testimony of Gods supernatural power."

"That's a great testimony, Sister Edna. God has a special plan for your life."

Sister Jan walked quietly into the room without interrupting the flow of the conversation. She looked a bit pensive and was not her usual buoyant self. Mantel was wandering what's on earth is wrong with Jan.

"Is there something wrong with Naomi?" enquired Mantel.

"No, everything is fine, Mantel."

"Where is Naomi?"

"She'll be down soon."

Jan knew that Naomi had won his heart and hoping for a hand of marriage to Mantel was pure fantasy. Her marital plans were crushed. It was over. Naomi pushed open the lounge door. Mantel eyes were beaming and locked onto Naomi's whilst Phil described his childhood experience at school.

"I dreaded going to school and playing football with the boys. I was the last name the boys picked for their team."

"Poor old Phil."

"The boys kept shouting at me to stay put in goal. They reminded me constantly that I was not good enough at sports and I was only chosen to make up the numbers."

"Boys can be so cruel."

"In time, I had internalised their words into my mind which contributed to my low self-esteem. It was hurtful. I was trapped in an emotional cycle of fear and doubt."

"That is so sad, Phil."

"There was no way out for me. I felt hopelessly lost. I hated myself. I desperately wanted to be loved by my school friends and I felt Jesus was the only answer."

"Praise the lord."

"I remembered another incident at school when I was marched out of the classroom by Miss Hope, my primary school teacher. She accused me of spitting on the desk which I had reputedly denied, even to this day."

"She escorted me to the Headmaster office as the holy lamb was led to Pontius Pilate. I felt a sense of injustice and betrayal from Miss Hope. I had lost all of my self-confidence and trust in her. Somehow I wanted to take my revenge out against her. She was a modern day version of Judas, the betrayer."

"It had crossed my mind to squeeze the transparent glue onto her chair. It was a nice thought. The vicar spoke about turning the other cheek and that vengeance was the Lord's. The vicar had a point. But when you are young, it is not so easy to forgive. It is a hard thing to do. As an adult I have found it increasingly difficult to forgive. I did squeeze the tube of glue onto her chair and the rest is history."

"You were such a bad boy."

"She never did sit on the chair to my relief."

"What happened next?"

"She knocked gently on the Headmaster door three times and some of the flaking paint on the surface of the wooden door fell off into tiny lumps onto the carpet. The door to the Headmaster office desperately needed a touch of repainting."

"I waited ten agonising minutes in the reception area with Miss Hope. She was completely silent. I looked down on my scruffy right shoe which had lost it shine through kicking stones on the pavement near the school."

"She showed me no emotion and it was clear from her stoned facial expressions that her intentions were to expose lies and deceit about me to the Headmaster. She had ignored totally my side of the story. I was proven right."

"Enter in!" shouted the Headmaster to us.

"Mr. Jones, the Headmaster, smiled openly at the sight of Miss Hope. It was obvious to everyone that he was infatuated with her. His grin rapidly disappeared as I entered through his office door. She explained to him the purpose of our visit. I was scared. My tummy was churning inside of me."

"I was left alone with a mature, silver grey haired, middle aged man dressed in a batman suite. He was no batman. He looked more like the Joker."

"What do you have to say for yourself, boy?" asked Mr. Jones.

"I didn't do anything, sir," I murmured to the Headmaster.

"Speak up louder, boy!"

"I didn't do it, sir."

"Miss Hope has informed me that you spat on the desk."

"No sir. It wasn't me."

"He stared at me for a brief moment and he walked away to the other side of the room reaching for his cane. He didn't believe me."

"The Headmaster looked down at me with a red, stoned face. His teeth were coloured with yellow cigarette stains as he opened his mouth and said I am disappointed with you."

"He told me you are one of the brightest students in Lower Ashworth School and I had expected better from you. Roll up your shirt sleeve!"

"I put on a brave face. I was petrified. The Headmaster held the long flexible straw coloured bamboo stick next to his side. I was now anxiously waiting for several strikes of the cane."

"Stretch out your arm, boy," he commanded.

"He struck me hard several times with the cane. It was painful and hurt me like hell."

"After the caning he wanted me to return to Miss Hope class room."

"I had no intention of going back to Miss Hope classroom beside I hated the woman and I was the innocent lamb. The truth would be revealed someday."

"The truth was tiny Joe had spat on my desk from behind me and I was presumed guilty for his misdemeanour."

"The Headmaster, Mr. Jones turned out to be the kind of person who did not listen to reason. I felt more hurt by the injustice of being accused of spitting on the desk rather than being whipped by his cane."

"I walked out of the school and headed home. I was totally distressed and angry by the whole ordeal. My nose was streaming with blood. It was running slowly down my shirt as I walked back home."

"I was upset and shocked. It was the longest journey of my life. My mum went berserk when she saw me in such a state. She went straightaway to the school and shouted at Mr. Jones."

"My sister had a bad temper in the good old days. She was a fiery lady. No one messed with her. I heard that she made the Headmaster cry," said Elder Jack.

"I heard that too, Elder Jack," said Evangelist Jackie. "Everybody knows me as Evangelist Jackie but my real name is Edwina."

"I spent most my marriage life inside of the house. I raised my children with Mr. White until God took him home. We laughed, we cried and we loved each other. One day Jesus will take me away to heaven. I can't wait to see Mr. White again."

Margaret watched Phil intensely as he made a fuss of collecting Naomi's coat. He helped Naomi put on her coat. Phil had a grin on his face as wide as a Cheshire cat. Margaret instinctively susceptive something was going on between them and she moved slightly closer to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Thank you, Phil."

"It's my pleasure."

"Naomi, what's your testimony?" asked Margaret.

"I have no testimony."

"Everyone has a story to tell. Is there someone special in your life?"

"I'm feeling a little bit tired. I have thoroughly enjoyed myself," said Naomi.

"Phil has spoken a great deal about you."

"Has he now?"

"Yes."

"All good things I hope."

"Yes, indeed. You are very popular with Phil."

"Our families go back a long way."

"Sure."

"Thank you for inviting me into your home, Margaret. I had a lovely time. I really have to go now."

"Why don't you stay a little while longer so that we can get properly acquainted?"

"I would love to but I had a long day."

"It's a pity we have one thing in common."

"What's that?"

"Your coat."

"Really!"

"I have a similar coat inside of my wardrobe. Phil bought for me. It was my birthday present. Was your coat a present too?"

"I'm getting a little bit tired."

"I'll take you home, Naomi," replied Mantel.

"Goodbye everyone, it was great seeing you all again."

"I hope that Mantel will bring you back here soon so that you will share your story with us. I am all ears."

"He will. We'll be back. Mantel, can you take me to Jill's? We are meeting our dad there."

"It is good that you are seeing your dad again, Naomi."

"I don't know if I feel positive about him, Mantel. Sometimes I hate the sight of him and there are times when I hold a place in my heart for him. It sounds contradictory."

"It's a bit like Jackal and Hyde. Both of my parents died some years ago. I wish I could speak to them on the phone. At least you have the opportunity to make peace with your dad, "replied Mantel.

"Your mum and dad were lovely and kind to me, Mantel."

"Yes. But they were hard when they wanted to be, Naomi. You have a chance to rekindle your relationship with your dad. I can't raise my parents from the grave."

"You've got great memories of your parents whilst my dad chased the ladies."

"Don't dwell on the former things. Behold I am doing a new thing declared the Lord," quoted Mantel from Isaiah.

"Don't you rush me?"

"Jesus said you should forgive each other seventy times seven."

"Stop preaching to me, Mantel. I know the scripture."

"I won't preach to you if you start forgiving your dad. You can't live in the past forever."

"It's easier said than done."

"I know it is. Just do it. Life is far too short for regrets."

"Give me time, Mantel."

"No problem."

Just as Mantel and Naomi were exiting from Phil and Margaret's house, Sister Edna pulled them back. She was a little bit out of breath from walking briskly to the hallway. She sat down on the bottom step to recover."

"What is it, Sister Edna?"

"I have a message for you, Naomi."

Sister Edna was a well known prophetess within the church circles. Naomi was particularly worried in what Sister Edna would share information about her past but she was less concerned about her future because she knew that God wouldn't give to Sister Edna any prophecy which would embarrass her.

# Twenty-one

"I knew your mum back home in Jamaica. We went to Sunday school together and we both came to England in the 50's. We worked at the bakery for more years than we can remember."

"Mum spoke fondly of you, Sister Edna."

"Your mum helped me to get a job at the Shepherd Bakery. Your sister is now one of the top managers working at the bakery and there were a number of oppositions against her getting the promotion. One of those unhappy person set fire to the bakery but the police had no proof. They hated your mum for rescuing the owner from the burning fire. Your mum was a brave person and a wonderful friend to me and I have missed her dearly," said Sister Edna with tears rolling down her ebony cheekbones."

Naomi hugged Sister Edna and Mantel glanced at his watch wondering why Sister Edna doesn't get to the point.

"What is God saying to you, Naomi?"

"I don't know."

"You reminded me of your mum. She was a beautiful woman in her days."

"Don't cry, love. Mum is in a resting home and she is at peace."

"What is God saying you, Naomi?"

"I don't know, Sister Edna."

"You know that God speaks to us through His Holy Spirit by bringing back to our memory His Holy scripture."

"Yes!"

"I was praying and meditating quietly when Jeremiah Chapter 29 and Verse 11 were imported into my mind."

"I know that scripture very well," Sister Edna.

"It is a message for you, Naomi."

"I know the plans I have for you declare the Lord. His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future."

"Thank you for blessing me with that scripture, Sister Edna. God knows I needed some good news. There are times when I feel I am living in a blazing furnace and someone is stroking up the fire seven times. Anyway, I want more of Him and less of me."

"God will bring a man into your life."

Naomi hugged Sister Edna again and departed to Jill's with Mantel. Back at Phil and Margaret House the last visitor had left.

# Twenty-two

"Is there someone else, Phil?"

"No."

Margaret screamed at the top of voice, "Is there someone else?"

A cowardly Phil replied, "No."

He had no place to hide. Margaret was on his case.

"Once again, has there been someone else?"

"I said no."

"Stop lying to me, Phil."

His conscience was working overtime. His mind was heavily tortured with guilt. He had enough of Margaret questioning of him. He shouted at Margaret leaving himself open for her inquisition.

"Yes. But it is all over."

"Are you saying you were having an affair?"

"Yes. But it's complicated."

"I'm leaving you Phil and don't you dear touch me again."

"Can we discuss this tomorrow, Margaret?"

"How can you pretend that everything is okay with us?"

"I'm sorry that I have hurt you, Margaret. It was not supposed to have happened."

"You've made it happened. I was completely faithful to you throughout our marriage."

"I'm so sorry, Margaret."

"Did she fulfill your carnal desires?"

"Where is this conversation leading to?"

"Is she younger than me, Phil?"

"It doesn't really matter."

"It matters to me. How could you lie down with another woman?"

"I'm really sorry, Margaret."

"You will be sorry, Phil."

"Who is she? And where did you meet her?"

"As I said before it really doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," shouted Margaret.

Phil kept quiet with his eyes staring at the floor. There was no hiding place. He had to face the music. Margaret was rightfully angry with him. Phil had fallen into temptation in a big way. Unlike Phil, Joseph fled from Potiphar's wife infatuations. Phil was held captive to his desires for Naomi. Everyone knew that Naomi's was very beautiful woman. History was repeated again. Biblical lessons illustrating King David affairs with Beersheba weren't learnt.

"Do think Naomi is attractive?"

"You know she is."

"Do you find her attractive?"

"She is an attractive young lady."

"What do you find attractive about her?"

"Why are there some many questions about Naomi?"

"Am I making you feeling uncomfortable, Phil?"

"A little bit."

"Good. You should be."

"What is this all about?"

"I saw the way your eyes looked at her like a man who won the lottery. You were far too attentive to her" and "She looked very embarrassed when you offered to help her with her coat."

"I was just trying to be friendly."

"Were you overfriendly with her?"

"I think you are reading into something that is not there."

"I don't think so. How friendly have you been with her?"

"What on earth are you getting at?"

"You know very well what I am saying, Phil. I want you to be honest with me. How friendly have you been with her?"

"I'm not answering you."

"Why are you so afraid to tell me the truth?" and "You can't hide the truth forever. It will come out sooner or later."

"How can you preach the gospel and live a lie."

"It's been hard living with myself."

"You need to confess the truth, Phil."

"I admit that I had a brief affair with Naomi."

"I hate you and I don't want to you touch me."

"I'm so sorry, love."

"Don't you dare call me, love?"

Margaret slapped Phil hard across his face and Phil held her hands tightly anticipating another strike. He was displeased with her reaction.

"I hate you for ruining my life. Why don't you leave Phil?"

"I'm not going anywhere Margaret. We can work it out together with support."

"In the past I would have fought for our marriage. I am tired of trying."

"We can't give up on our marriage."

"You don't respect our marriage, Phil."

"I'm sorry, Margaret. It won't happen again."

Before Margaret slammed shut the door she argued with Phil, "It won't happen again because it's over."

Phil held his head in shame. Margaret was absolutely furious with Phil. She pace up and down the bedroom floor and threw Phil's clothes out of the bedroom window. She picked up the remote control and she threw it at Phil's head missing him by a whisker.

"I'm leaving you, Phil and don't you dear touch me again."

Phil stood a lonely figure locked inside of the spare bedroom. The spare bedroom lack warmth and affection which only Margaret could bring. He was angry with himself for deceiving his wife. He was overwhelmed with guilt and grief. Phil contemplated suicide. He was preparing to hang himself from the light bulb cord until he was interrupted by loud bangs on the door.

"Open the door, Phil."

"No."

"Open the door."

"Not until you calm down."

Phil refused to open the door to Margaret. The whole atmosphere was unusually quiet. Margaret was angry with Phil and she was repetitively kicking the spare bedroom door. Phil had never seen her looking that menacing before. He was scared for his life.

"Open the door, Phil."

"Not until you are calm."

"Open the door to me, Phil," demanded Margaret.

"Why did you have an affair with Naomi?" cried Margaret.

"It just happened."

"I want to know why?"

"It was brief."

"How long have you been seeing her?"

"Not long."

"Was it months or years?"

"It was a few months."

"How many months was this going on, Phil."

"It wasn't a serious relationship."

"I need to know everything. You owe it to me?"

"Five months."

"How long was it?"

"Five months."

"How could you share my bed with another woman?"

"I can see that I've hurt you. Can we discuss this tomorrow?"

"No. I am not going to make it easier for you, Phil."

"Okay. It's in the past."

"Why, Phil?"

"If you must know we weren't getting on with each other. We were arguing about our children."

"That is no excuse for infidelity."

"When our eldest son, John went to University last October you were grieving over him. You weren't concerns about my needs."

"I don't care about your needs. I love all my children."

"What about Alan."

"Alan was stopped and searched. He was arrested by the police in Lower Ashworth."

"He is a mischievous young man."

"He is old enough to go to jail."

"Alan is a lovely boy."

"He was expelled from school for supplying marijuana to kids."

"He made a mistake. You need to give him space and time to learn from his mistake."

"Alan has always been in trouble with the law and I'm fed up of having the police visiting us at least once a week. I want him to leave the house now."

"Alan is my baby. You can leave the house Phil."

"He's sixteen years old and six foot two."

"He is still my baby."

"He is old enough to know what is right from wrong."

"You are a middle aged man and you don't know the difference between good and bad."

"Alan has brought shame and disgrace to our family. I have had enough of living under this constant pressure. We weren't sleeping in the same bedroom. I was sleeping in the spare bedroom whilst you were sleeping in the master bedroom."

"Oh dear you use our children to cover up your infidelity."

"Forget it."

"No. I won't forget it. Does she make you feel happier? Does she make you feel good?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me, Phil," shouted a tearful Margaret.

"Okay she made me feels good. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I want to hear that you've changed your nasty ways. I thought you were born again. And I thought you could be trusted."

"I have changed my ways most of the time. All have sinned and come short of the glory of God."

"You're a born again liar, Phil. Open the door."

Phil opened the door of the spare bedroom and Margaret picked up the remote control again and threw it at Phil this time hitting him at the side of his head. It hurt him leaving a red bruise across his forehead.

"You are a rotten scum. Get out of here. I hate you, Phil," shouted Margaret at the top of her voice."

"We can work it out together."

"They are no longer we."

"I'm not leaving you, Margaret."

"You are a fraudster and I don't trust you anymore. What's keeping you here, Phil? Doesn't she want you anymore?"

"We can work it out together in time, Margaret."

"Isn't she returning your affection anymore?

Or has Mantel moved onto the scene?"

"It's nothing like that. We've made a pack to end the relationship."

"Was it nice to have two women cooing after you, Phil?"

"I am so sorry, love."

"Why don't you go away, Phil" and "Don't you dare call me love again."

She slammed the spare bedroom door narrowly missing Phil fingers. Margret had lost control of her emotions. She was betrayed by her husband she had trusted and supported for over twenty years. Margaret was humiliated. He was the shadow of the man she once knew. Phil cowed behind the spare bedroom door. He felt a sense of relief for not having to face Margaret temper again. But he knew he had to communicate with her tomorrow about his infidelity. Tonight, he was having a much needed space away from Margaret to lick his wounds. Phil slept in the spare bedroom tossing and turning throughout the night.

# Twenty-three

There was a loud knock on the front door. It was past Jayne's bedtime. You could hear someone singing Christmas carols outside of the house. It was Naomi's dad, Fred, who was dancing and singing on the street pavement drawing unwelcomed attention to himself from the neighbours. He sung, "Away in a manger no crib for a bed."

One of the female neighbours was obviously not amused as it was the Easter holidays. Jeff hoped that this miserable neighbour would not phone the police to report that there was a maniac on the loose. She didn't see the funnier side of life. She once shouted at Jeff for mowing his lawn on Sunday afternoon. She held strong traditional and religious beliefs that everyone should keep Sunday as a holy day.

"Open the door, man," shouted Naomi's dad.

"I am coming," screamed Jeff.

"Hurry up," cried Fred.

Jeff was a bald headed man wearing silver brim glasses. He rushed out of the toilet pulling his trouser up. He hardly had time to flush the toilet. A foul smell filled the lounge reaching to the front door. Jeff opened the front door to his father in law.

"Hello, Fred."

"Hello, Jeff."

"Fred. It's good to see you. Come on in."

"What is that horrendous smell coming out of your house, man?"

"It's the toilet."

"Let me look at Jeff. You have changed a lot since the last time I saw you. You are ready to give birth."

"It is what we call it in the west, prosperity."

"It is what we call it in the developing countries, obesity."

"You looked like you've eaten a slimmer version of yourself. Because the Jeff I knew was slim. You haven't eaten Jill and Jayne. Have you, Jeff?"

"No man. I've spread out a bit over the years since we last met."

"I can see your double chin and your bulging waistline Jeff. Are you eating for two?"

"You haven't come all the way from Jamaica to insult me. Have you, Fred?"

"I'm just joking, Jeff. Where is your sense of humour man?"

"Why don't we start introducing ourselves all over again?"

"Okay. But, you must lose some weight."

"Hello Fred. How are you?"

"I'm doing great, man."

"And how is my favourite son in law?"

"I'm not doing too badly, Fred."

"You must be doing really well to live in a house as big as this one."

"We work hard, dad."

"Good for you, man. Help me with my luggage and where's that smelly toilet?"

"It's through the Kitchen. It has a potty sign marked on the door."

"When you get to my age, Jeff, your bladder becomes weaker."

"I'll remember those pearls of wisdom when I'm a pensioner, Fred. But first let me flush the toilet before you use it."

Finally, Fred went into the toilet and was in a jubilance mood. He was pleased to be back in England to see his children. He started to sing out loudly again:

"Wherever I am I'll praise him, whenever I'll can I praise him, for his love surround me like a sea, I'll praise the name of Jesus, lift up the name of Jesus for the name of Jesus lifted me."

As he walked out of the toilet Jeff was waiting for him. Fred felt a little unease by Jeff presence. It was like a young shoplifter being watched and monitored by a security guard.

"You're a happy soul, Fred. Why don't you come inside the lounge and take your shoes off," declared Jeff.

"If I don't want to take off my shoes, you won't be offended. Will you?"

"Jill will be gutted."

"Why man?"

"She doesn't want dirty shoe marks showing on her brand new carpet."

"Good for Jill. But, I'm keeping my shoes on."

"You haven't got holes in your socks. Have you, Fred?"

"I don't wear socks in Jamaica, Jeff. It's far too hot to wear sock out there."

"I'll get you a pair of sock."

"I am not frightened of Jill. Leave the socks, man."

"Jill will insist on you wearing socks in the house."

"Are you a man or a mouse, Jeff?"

"I am a man off course."

"Then, man up and put your foot down and tell her that I am keeping my shoes on."

"I can't do that."

"Don't let her rule you, Jeff. Women like men who take the lead. God made men to be the head over the women?"

"We are more of a partnership."

"Jill is now your business partner. You are not the man of the house."

"According to Christ, husbands most love their wives as Christ died for the church. I am respectful and supportive of my wife views and we are a team in so many ways."

"I know the scripture well, Jeff and I will honour your rules."

"Please take your shoes off then."

"I don't want Jill to beat you up so fetch me a pair of socks. You are far too soft, Jeff."

"Welcome to England, Fred. How was your flight?"

"It was a comfortable journey. But it was far too long. Where are my beautiful daughters?"

"Naomi and Mantel are on their way to see you and Jill has been delayed at work."

"Has Mantel fallen for Naomi?"

"They are just good friends."

"She will break his heart; you wait and see, Jeff."

"Naomi is okay."

"You don't know her as I do or have you chosen to see the good side of her?"

They entered into the living room which was a makeshift dining room. The walls were covered with brown coloured wallpaper displaying internal patterns of tree trunks. The carpet was brightly red in colour with deep thick piles and there hung central to the wall above the fireplace was a framed bold message.

The statement read, 'Christ is the unseen guest in every household and listen to every conversation.' A picture of Jill's mum sat on the mantel piece. Jill drew comfort from seeing her mother's picture. She missed her so much. Jill's mum was weird at times especially when she sung some old fashion hymns. Fred picked up the picture of his former wife from the mantel piece.

"She was a beautiful woman in those days with thin waistline and large hips."

"Fred, do you remember Joe Black, the security officer, who refused his employer instructions to expel black youngsters from the city centre?"

"Yes. He won his case against the security company for unfair dismissal. How is he?"

"When he found out that your wife was in care and he could no longer hear her voice in church he packed his bags and he returned to Jamaica."

"He loved her voice. We all did."

"Don't be angry with me, Jeff. I respect your recollections of her but I have fond memories of her too. It was only yesterday I remembered vividly how my dear wife would burst out singing at the top of her voice. She had almost forgotten most of the words and she was tone deaf and sung out of tune."

"Watch it, mate. That my mum you are talking about. I have fond memories of her worshipping and praising the Lord in church," replied Jill.

"I didn't see you come in, Jill. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Why are you criticizing my mum's singing?"

"Whether you like to hear it or not, your mom didn't have a talent for singing."

"Her singing voice wasn't great but mum could not be faulted for her sheer enthusiasm and commitment" and "It is the substance behind the voice that people admired most of all not the showmanship."

"You will always have a kind word to say about your mother. God bless her soul."

"My mum was a fantastic woman. She made time for everybody."

"Do you know what her favourite song was?"

"No."

"Her favourite song was called, 'Angel, Angel carry me home'. I have never understood why she loved that song so much."

"Because she was so unhappy living on earth with you, dad."

"That's unfair. I loved your mum and would have given her everything."

"You didn't give her your time, dad. She was lonely and was sad at times."

"I gave my time to the Lord's work" and "Your mum accepted that."

"She didn't have a choice."

"When your mum first met me she knew that I love the lord with all of my heart and with all of my soul and with all of my strength and mind."

"What about loving your family, dad?"

"You've spend far too much time in the ministry at the cost of neglecting your family."

"I wasn't going to allow no man or woman to prevent me from my calling from God."

"But the family suffered from you being constantly being absent from home. I hated you, dad."

The friction between father and daughter became increasingly tense and confrontational. Jill was stubborn as a mule and she was looking for a fight and Fred was adamant that he had done nothing wrong.

"Don't you treat me as a criminal? I have done my time in prison."

The atmosphere was heated and sparks began to fly. Jeff sprang into action to alter the flow of discussions.

"How is life treating you in Jamaica, Fred?"

"Don't let him off the hook, Jeff."

"Before I was rudely interrupted by Jill, life in Jamaica is fantastic if you have money."

"Pardon me."

"If you are poor in Jamaica there is no welfare state to support you. You have to find a job when there is no work."

"Who do you think you are dad?"

"You know who I am, Jill?"

"Not anymore" and "How have you been making a living in Jamaica?"

"Jill your dad will tell us in his time."

"What is he afraid of?"

"No problem, Jeff. I'll tell her."

"I'll love to hear this," said Jill.

"I am living off my pension and working for the Church of Jamaica."

"It sounds good. You know your daughters are certainly not happy with you."

"Yes. I have returned to England to put things right and try to explain my side of the story."

"It's about time," said Jill.

The sound of a key turning inside of the door stopped the flow of conversation. Fred was feeling a little unease waiting in anticipation to meet his other daughter, Naomi. She had not seen him since her mum went into hospital whilst he was still serving time in prison.

"Hi everyone."

"Is that you, Naomi?"

"Yes, Jill. Mantel is here with me too."

"Your dad's here, Naomi."

# Twenty-four

Mantel and Naomi walked into the lounge together. Naomi kept a visible distance away from her father. Mantel greeted Fred by shaking his hand whilst Jill and Naomi looked on. They were gobsmacked. The whole room exploded with silent, shock and tension as Jeff broke the ice.

"I think your dad has some explaining to do, so please hear him out."

"Thank you Jill and Naomi for giving me this opportunity to explain my disappearance."

"What have you got to say for yourself, dad?"

"I had a vision a year ago. In the vision I had a conversation with Adam and Eve."

"What has Adam and Eve got to do with us?"

"Let your dad explain his vision to you, Naomi."

"In this vision, I asked Eve why she had disobeyed God when she had everything in the world. You lived in paradise. You ate from every plant in the garden. You had Adam as your soul mate and you had fellowship with God, the creator."

"I still don't get what you are trying to tell us, dad."

"Eve told me that she didn't have everything. She wanted more. She wanted to be like God. Eve said to me, "Look at the history of man and you will see leaders who want to rule the world and they want mankind to worship them."

"What's your point?" and "How relevant is Eve to you not being a father to us?"

"Jill, you have always been in haste."

"Jill was right. It is a waste of time speaking to you, dad."

"Let your dad finish the story, Naomi."

"Thank you, Jeff."

"My point is that I wanted to be more like Eve and I wanted the church members to praise me. I lost the purpose of my calling and things which were most important to me, such as, serving my God and looking after my family.

"I got carried away when people started to put me on a pedal stool. They told me I was great. I was walking on water. The congregation took in my every word as the gospel of truth. They worshipped and adored me. I was God's spokesman. God spoke only through me. In my eyes I could do no wrong."

"How did you get away with assaulting the ladies for years before you were caught?"

"The deacons of the church supported my infidelities because they were on the pay roll. What I did was so wrong and I am so sorry for hurting the people I loved most. I thought I had everything I needed but the truth is I had nothing, absolutely nothing. Without my wife and my daughters I am nothing."

"Mum believed in you, dad and so did we. You destroyed her life."

"I can't bring your mother back to her former self or change the past. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for the things I have done. I have had to live with the consequences of what I have done. I have taken responsibility for my own actions and the lack of them."

"It will take us time to forgive you, dad. You were not there when we needed you. You have let us down badly."

"I am truly sorry for letting you both down. I beg you both for your forgiveness."

"We were both upset and angry with you when our mum went into a care home."

"I wanted to kill myself. I was confused and lethargic about everything."

"When I was in prison I was very depressed and I was a total mess. Your mother was my best friend, my soul mate and the love of my life. I didn't know how much she meant to me. Part of me died with her. I wanted to die. I tried to kill myself. The Governor of the prison placed me on suicide watch for months."

"How did you overcome suicide?"

"Letters from an old friend of mine gave me hope for the future."

"What was the letters about, dad?" and "Who send them to you?"

"An old school friend of mine wrote letters inviting me to help them out in their ministry. At first I thought the letters were all a hoax and were written by the prison officers. The prison officers knew I was a pastor. They liked to play tricks on us prisoners. I ignored the letters."

"They weren't hoax. Were they, dad?"

"Yes. My old friend kept on writing to me stating that God's grace was sufficient and there was nothing I did that was outside of God's love and His forgiveness towards me. I was so touched by those letters that I had learned to forgive myself. Eventually, I came to realise that the ministry was not a fake but it was genuine. My hope and joy in the Lord was completely restored. I had a purpose for living again."

"When I left prison I went on to stay with my old friend in Jamaica and we worked together in the ministry. I have made a new life for myself in Jamaica."

"If you are telling us the truth, then we are truly happy for you, dad."

"Can you both please forgive me?"

"Dad, we need to see evidence of you being a changed person?"

"I am praying every day to be more Christ like. Again, I can't change the past nor bring back your mother. I am truly sorry for the way I have treated you girls. Your mum's memories are alive within me. She was my true love."

"When we were kids we admired you dad but in the past few years you have brought shame and disgrace to our household. Because of you, we were teased and insulted in our neighbourhood and on the streets."

"I'm sorry I've let you both down."

"If Jesus Christ can forgive one of the dying thieves on the cross then surely Jill and Naomi can forgive you too, Fred," said Mantel.

"I hope they will. I haven't seen my daughters for years. We have lots to catch up with. Tell me Naomi how is your social work job?"

"I have been suspended from work pending investigation."

"Why don't you get a lecturing job at Mona University? I have a number of contacts there."

"I don't want to run away from social work yet, dad. I have to challenge the Investigation first" and "I don't want to make any rush decisions that I will regret later."

"It's the right thing to do. I'm so proud of you both for facing up to your fears. Your mother had a fighting spirit and I am pleased to see that you are just as resilient as she was. You are both carbon copy of your mother personality and what is Jill doing with her life nowadays?"

"I am still working at Shepherd Bakery."

"How long have you been working there?"

"I have been working at the bakery ever since I returned from Jamaica."

"I am so proud of my girls. I have a confession of my own."

"We love confessions. What is it?"

"I am getting married to my old friend."

"How can you be thinking of getting married when we have recently placed our mum in care?"

"Your mum hasn't been sane over two years ago. I loved your mum with all of my heart. I missed her constantly. There was a period in my life when I needed sleeping pills to get over her. I wanted to end my life. I now need to move on with my life."

"I thought mum was your partner for life."

"She was my soul mate. But I'm in love with another person."

"How can you fall in and out of love so easily, dad?"

"Don't you think it is possible to love another person?"

"Yes. But there is no one like our mum. How could you betray her, dad?"

"You have discarded our mother like wrapping paper."

"I will always be fond of your mother but I can't live on my own. I am no good on my own. I get lonely at nights."

"Why don't you buy yourself a cat or a dog like other older people of your age do?" Don't they say that no animal is more loyal to man than a dog?"

"I am fond of animals as much as anyone else. But I don't want to be taking them out for long walks early in the morning and late at nights. I want human company and a dog cannot cater for my emotional and intellectual needs."

"We all know what needs you are talking about, dad."

"We are all adults here. I am a very passionate man in every respect."

"Let's not go there, dad. How is the Church of Jamaica reacting to your forthcoming marriage?"

"The church has approved of it. I am old enough to make my own decision and it's my life."

"Has the Church of Jamaica liberalized its theological teaching?"

"The church has always been evangelical in its teaching. Anyway, what are you both implying?"

"It begs the question why the church is approving your forthcoming marriage to a gay friend?" and

"We all know that the Jamaican society is one of the most homophobia places on planet earth."

# Twenty-five

"You are all jumping to the wrong conclusions. My old friend is a female."

"We're not sorry that we have made presumptions about your sexuality."

"No problem."

"What is the name of your lady friend, dad? We presume she is a lady."

"Off course she is a lady. Her name is Sara and she will be joining us shortly."

"We can't say that we are looking forward to meeting her."

"You'll get to like her over time, Jill."

"We are still not happy with how you shamed the family and you treated our disgracefully. How did you meet her?"

"When I arrived in England from Jamaica I wanted to start a new life. I rented a bed for one shilling and six pence in a private lodging owned by Mr. White, a black elderly gentleman who fought in the World War II. Mr. White was a pilot in the RAF and he brought a large Victorian terrace house in Lower Ashworth. In those early days we shared a large room with other males from the Caribbean."

"Thank you for giving us a historical account of the fifties. Please tell us how you met Sara?"

"Well, Sara was the daughter of Mr. White" and "We have remained friends ever since."

"Sara and I had a brief relationship but it didn't work out. It happened before I met your mother."

"Was mum the reason why you broke up with Sara?"

"No, we were both too young and Sara wasn't ready to settle down with me."

"Were you playing the field?"

"No. I was an old fashioned gentleman and there is no skeleton in my cupboard. Thank you."

"We thought you were a Casanova."

"I was a Christian man serving God."

"How did you meet our mum, then?"

"I have told you time and time again."

"We want to hear it again."

"I had a calling for the ministry and your mum came into my life whilst I was preaching the gospel in her father church and the rest is now history. Your mum was an incredibly beautiful looking girl and she was so gentle in spirit. I knew the first time I saw her that she was the woman of my dreams. I used to write to your mum every day. When we went out on a date we found it almost impossible to be separated from each other."

"It is ashamed she never stayed in your dreams."

"You both wouldn't have been born."

"And mum wouldn't have suffered shame and insults from the community when you neglected your ministry and sexually harassed those young ladies in church."

"Wasn't our mum meeting your carnal needs, dad?"

"I can see that you are both still angry with me."

"Why don't you answer the question dad?"

"Your mum and I grew apart. We became more like brothers and sisters. That happens when you don't spend adequate quality time with each other."

"You took our mother for granted and you thought she would always be there for you, dad."

"So did you, Jill."

"We were kids. We couldn't fend for ourselves. What's your excuse?"

"I haven't got one."

"Is Sara meeting your needs?"

"Your mother was exhausted from working a full time job and looking after you and Jill whilst I was far too busy building the church. We had no spare time to have fun."

"You couldn't be all that busy because you spent time romancing the church sisters. Didn't you, dad?"

"I am sorry for all the things I've put you both through."

"We haven't seen you for years, dad and you walked into our lives today and you expect us to say everything is okay. You must be joking."

"Are you finding time for Sara in your busy schedule?"

The atmosphere in the living room was edgy and there was a period of deadly silent. Naomi and Jill were extremely unhappy with their dad. They looked at him with sheer disgust. They found it increasingly difficult to move on with their lives since their mum went into a care home and they found their dad marriage proposal as an insult to the living memory of their deceased mum.

"What was Sara like in those days?"

"Sara was a free spirited woman. She wanted to travel the world without being tied down to the kitchen sink."

"She is not a work horse like our mum."

"She is a hardworking individual."

"Over the last few years we've spent a great deal of time together ministering to the multitudes and as the years passed by our appreciation for each other grew into love."

"Does Sara have children from her previous relationships?"

"Yes. She has a grown up son."

"Where will you live?"

"Jamaica is now my home."

"You're not returning to England then."

"No. It's too cold in England and the sunshine in Jamaica is good for my joints pains."

"You're not the same Fred that we knew .You have changed."

"When you get older Jeff, rheumatism and arthritis will attack your joints."

"Besides, the fuel bills are far too expensive in England. I don't know how older people can afford to live here. The council tax is far more expensive than the poll tax."

"How long are staying, Fred?"

"I'm here for four weeks, Mantel."

"Where will you be staying?"

"I'm staying at a local bed and breakfast establishment in upper Ashworth."

"Oh you are posh."

"You are always welcome to stay here, Fred."

"Thank you, Jeff."

"Where is my beautiful granddaughter?"

"She is sleeping in her bed."

"Tell her granddad is here to see her."

"Can you wait to see her the morning, Fred."

"No. I have waited far too long to see my granddaughter."

"She doesn't know who you are."

"I want to get to know her."

"You were ashamed of me when I was pregnant with Jayne. You send me off to live in Jamaica and I stayed with my grandmother. I was heartbroken. You separated me from mum and Naomi and all that you cared about was to protect your image and your status within the church community."

"I was wrong then, Jill. I was consumed with my own self-importance in the community. I was blinded by other people's expectation of me. I can now see it from your point of view."

"I was hurt by your rejection of me, dad. I hated you for sending me abroad. I felt guilty for being pregnant. I needed mum to support me throughout the pregnancy because you were cruel and unkind to me."

"I am truly sorry Jill. I want to put things right. It will take time for all of us to heal and to forgive each other."

"When I was younger I was awakened from a nightmare and I crept into our mum's bed. Like Naomi, I didn't recognize the scent. It was not mum in your bed. Who was it, dad?"

The whole room went quiet in anticipation of Fred's answer.

# Twenty-six

"It was a long, long, time ago, Jill."

"It was still fresh in my mind, dad."

"I am not going anywhere until you give me an explanation. I want a straight and honest answer from you."

"Your mum visited your grandma who was sick in Jamaica. We were living like brothers and sisters. There was no intimacy between us. She didn't pine for me when she went away. The first miscarriage made her emotional numb. She became mentally unstable. She recovered through prayer and support from friends and family but our relationship was never the same again."

"Marriage is for life, dad."

"I know that love. I had a relationship with a church sister. Anyway, your mum was mad and I wanted to put her away."

"I don't care if mum was potty. It is not an excuse to be unfaithful. It's our mom."

"I loved your mum to death do us part but I couldn't look after her. I am not good at providing personal care."

"What if Sara needs personal care. Would you help her or abandon, dad?"

"Nowadays there are much more care and service support for people with mentally illness."

"Shame on you, dad."

"It's about time I see my granddaughter."

"Okay Jeff, wake up our daughter just for a few minutes for me to say hello to her granddad before I throw him out."

Jayne heard footsteps creeping up the stairs. A few seconds later her bedroom lights were switched on.

"Get up, Jayne!"

"What's wrong, dad."

"It's your grandfather, he wants to see you. Hurry up and come downstairs."

She slowly dragged herself out of her bed and walked down the stairs listening to the raised voices travelling across the lounge. They talked about the past but their conversation ended sharply as soon as Jayne entered into the lounge.

"How are you doing my favourite granddaughter?" laughed granddad.

"Fine," said Jayne.

"She is your only grandchild."

"Give your granddad a big hug then."

At first Jayne was reluctant to show any form of physical affection to her granddad. She didn't know him. He is a stranger to her and girls don't normal want to hug men with overbearing scent of aftershave. She was a toddler when she last saw her granddad.

Granddad was sitting on the single armchair in the lounge. He was tall and stoutly built with dark brown complexion and a bulging belly.

"Okay then," she mumbled.

"Hello granddaughter, I have a surprise for you."

"What is it, granddad?" she said.

Granddad pulled out of his pocket a set of ivy coloured dominoes with black spots on them. The appearance of the dominoes looked supreme. Jayne eyes lit up brightly as the dominoes were pressed into her hands.

"I love them granddad. They are my favourite."

Jeff and Jill glanced at each other and Jayne sensed they were thinking the same thoughts. The expressions shown on their faces were glum. Jeff and Jill felt that Jayne did not appreciate them as parents and all of their effort to provide for her a loving and stable home was not in vain. Jayne sensed her parents' pain and was uncomfortable.

"Mum and dad I love you both," said Jayne.

"We know you love us, Jayne. There is something important we want to tell you. We wanted to tell you some time ago but it was difficult for us to share this information with you whilst I was mourning the loss of my mum."

"Mum, what is it?"

Jill was rather upset and her eyes were filled with tears. Jeff held her hand to comfort and reassure her that everything would be alright.

"You know Jeff will always love you no matter what."

"What is it, mum?"

"Jeff has always been a dad to you. Jeff is not your real dad."

"Who is my dad, mum?" shouted angrily Jayne.

"Mr. Bates is your dad."

"I hate you, mum," cried Jayne.

Jayne was angry with her mum for keeping this secret from her since birth. Her whole world was turned upside down. She has been living a lie for far too long.

"I hate you, mum and I will never go back to school again."

"Why mum?" and "How could you not tell me?"

"It happened when I was young. I was learning about relationships and made a huge mistake."

"Are you saying I was a mistake?"

"No. You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me."

"I hate you mum for making my whole life a lie" and" Who else know about this?"

"All of your family members who love you."

"Do you mean everyone in this room knew I was illegitimate except for Mantel?"

"Yes."

"Jayne turned her back away from Jill and she kissed her teeth in defiant."

"You're a big fat whore, mom."

"Don't you dare call your mother a whore?"

"I don't care."

"I have always loved you as my own daughter and nothing will ever change that."

Jayne ran upstairs in tears. She was somebody else's daughter. Her identity took on a new meaning and dimension. Jayne was definitely unhappy with everyone for keeping the secret hidden from her. Everyone felt guilty for not declaring Mr. Bates as her real father. But, they all made a promise to Jill not to tell Jayne the true identity of her father. Jill went after Jayne to comfort and reassure her that she was still special.

"Lets us not discuss this anymore and I am sure that she will come around sooner than later," argued granddad.

They all agreed with Fred. Jeff took out his family album to show Mantel pictures of his dad and mum. It was his way of defusing the awkward atmosphere inside of the lounge.

"Is that your mother?" asked granddad.

"Yes."

"I haven't laid eyes on her for years. How is she doing?" enquired Fred.

"Mum died in hospital of pneumonia. She lived in a nursing home for a number of years. She had dementia and had been involved in a creative writing group as an alternative form of therapy."

"When I was in prison there were older people at the early stage of Alzheimer. They can't remember where they lived or even their own name at times. The prison treated them with drugs. Nowadays, prisoners have the opportunity to attend literacy groups and craft workshops."

Jill returned from speaking to Jayne. She looked strained and tired. Jill sat next to Jeff with her head resting on his shoulder.

"How is she?"

"Jayne is finding it hard to cope with Jeff not being her biological father."

"You had to tell her, Jill."

"We've all made mistakes along the way, Jill."

"I don't want to hear anything from you, dad."

"Take it easy, sis. It's going to be alright. Just hang in there."

It was a little bit uncomfortable Fred as Naomi and Jill refused to hug him.

"Going home, Naomi," said Fred.

"Yes dad."

"Can't you stay a little bit longer, Naomi?"

"No. I'm really tired, dad. It's been a hard couple of days. I'm going home to rest. I'll phone you when I get back, Jill. God bless you all."

"It was good seeing you again after all these years, Naomi."

"It will take us some time dad to be a family again."

"Blood is thicker than water, Naomi."

"I know."

"You've hurt us, dad."

"I know, Jill."

"I'll take Naomi back to her place. It was good seeing you again, Fred."

"It was good meeting you again, Mantel."

"Take care of my baby sister Mantel."

"I will, Jill."

# Twenty-seven

The council stopped paying Naomi a salary and her contract of employment with them was terminated with immediate effect. She was struggling to pay last month rent. She used up most of her life savings to pay off the bills. The flat was becoming too expensive to run without a paid salary. The landlord preferred to rent out his flats to working people which ruled out Naomi as she was now claiming state benefits.

The state housing benefits was not enough to cover the entirety of the rent exposing a shortfall and leaving her in debt. Naomi had only one decision to make. She had no choice other than to move out of her beloved flat. She hated the very thought of leaving her beautiful modern flat in the better part of Upper Ashworth.

A few days ago she was forced to sell her car to cover the two month rental deposit for a dilapidated flat in Lower Ashworth and there was no more money left over for the removal cost. She left the larger furniture behind. The landlord had paid her a measly sum of £50 for dad's radiogram.

The radiogram was in the family possession since the 60's. It held pleasant memories for Naomi. She remembered the time when the family was dancing to the tune of Alton Elis and Jim Reeves. The old radiogram was still in an immaculate condition. No different from the day it was first purchased. The exterior had a dark brown wood veneer finish. It was covered with a colourful wool material knitted by her mum's best friend. A basket full of fading plastic flowers rested securely onto the woollen knitted cover.

Naomi's mum favourite ornament was a multi-colour shaped fish glass which sat next to the basket. It meant a great deal to her mum. She had brought the fish glass with her first pay cheque from IMI. Her dad was furious with her mum for buying it. He thought the glass was a useless juke fit to be thrown away. The glass held sentimental values to Naomi. Naomi refused to sell the fish ornament despite the landlord insistence on paying her a handsome sum. It was not for sale at any price.

Naomi told no one about leaving Upper Ashworth. She felt ashamed and embarrassed for returning to Lower Ashworth. Naomi had felled on hard times and she had to relocate to a cheaper accommodation in Lower Ashworth.

Today, Lower Ashworth is largely populated with Somali migrants and has an established settlement of older people from the African Caribbean and Asian communities. A small white student population lives in the area. Naomi loved the diversity of the area but the properties were decaying.

It was the end of the rent week and it was time for her to leave. She reluctantly contacted Mantel who managed to transport most of her belongings to Lower Ashworth and he kindly drove her there.

"Stop the car, Mantel."

"Why?"

"We are here."

"Are you visiting a client, Naomi?"

"No. I will be living here."

"You are joking?"

"I am living here from today and don't you be a snob, Mantel?"

Mantel parked his car and he was nervously anticipating acts of terrorism. People from Upper Ashworth don't usually venture into Lower Ashworth after dark. There were prostitutes plying for trade on the same street where Mantel's car was stationed. They were half dressed ladies standing near the street kerb. Naomi pointed out the house to Mantel, "There it is."

"Will you be safe here, Naomi?"

"Don't be silly, I was a social worker, remember" and "Off course I will be safe here."

"Yes. You were a social worker but you are an single woman living on her own."

"You worry far too much, Mantel. Our families had once lived in Lower Ashworth when they first arrived in England. I lived on this street when my dad worked on the buses. I was about sixteen years old then. I grew up here. Why should I be afraid?"

"I lived here too, remember. It was much safer in those days. We looked out for each other and everyone were friendly and you could leave your front door open."

"Why don't you come inside and put your mind at ease, Mantel?"

The property was at the far end of a row of dilapidated terrace houses. The external walls of the building were partially covered with dark brown cladding. The building was painted white many decades ago and some of the cladding from the building were crumbling away and had fallen into a heap below in the front of the window. The window frames were rotten and were unpainted showing its bare wooden timber frame. The net curtains in the reception room were mainly black showing a few patches of white. The internal surfaces of the windows were wet with condensation. There was a shopping trolley from Aldi's laying idly on its back blocking the narrow entrance to the house.

"The building is in need of some modernisation and minor repairs. Time had stood still for this property in Lower Ashworth," said Mantel.

"Stop being so polite and say it as it is. This building is utterly disgusting and the area is socially deprived."

"It has potential. Don't you think?"

"Don't be so patronizing, Mantel."

"I can't afford to be too choosy about where I live" and "It's better than living on the streets."

"I hear you. You are welcome to stay at my place only if you want to. It will be purely plutonic."

"Speak for yourself, Mantel."

"Pardon me."

"I am just kidding."

Naomi opened the front door by turning the key clockwise and at the same time pulling the door towards her. The front was door opened once the key was half way in the lock. The reception floor was thinly laid with bright red carpet. The carpet was marked with bold, black stains. The wallpaper in the reception area was decorated with patterns of tree trunks.

As they climbed up the narrow stairwell, the bare wooden floor boards of the stair led Naomi and Mantel to the bedsit. The whole building smelt of damp and cigarettes. At the very top of the landing, Mantel was grasping for air and he provided Naomi with an insight into why the door was patched up.

"The door has been damaged over the years because there have been numerous break-ins."

"Thank you, Mantel. I can sleep safely in my flat."

"How do you know that?"

"My dad was a carpenter."

"He wasn't called Joseph?"

"No."

"Don't get cross with me, Mantel."

"I won't."

"Wasn't your dad a burglar?"

"I didn't know my father. He spent most of his life inside."

"What was it like being without a father?"

"It was hard to love others but luckily I found a number of father figures inside the church and they were all trusted by my mum."

As they entered into the bedsit there was a large double bed taking up most of the flat. The bed was dressed in a white king size duvet cover left by the previous tenant. The wardrobe had a dark brown wooden appearance and there were four pine wooden chairs with a matching table. The electric cooker had one ring and a single oven. Mantel noticed the numerous black moulds around the windows ceil.

"This place is pretty bad for your health" and "What's on earth are you doing here, Naomi?"

Naomi broke down in tears and cried out aloud. Mantel was shocked by the sudden emotional outburst from Naomi. He shouldn't have been surprise as his comments about the building were insensitive. He had never known Naomi to show any form of distress. She was far too cool for that. At her mother funeral she hardily shed a tear. He didn't know what to say or do. Like most men he did nothing and kept quiet hoping her cry will go away and everything would be restored back to normality.

After a few minutes Mantel sprang up from his seat and walked over to where Naomi was standing and offered his handkerchief to console her.

"This place will turn me mad. It's like facing a jail sentence. I'm tired of fighting life, Mantel."

"This is now your temporary home, Naomi."

"This place will never be my home, not in a millions years."

"I agree with you, Naomi. It's a short stay and you'll one day find a more suitable accommodation."

"Do you think I want to live here, Mantel? Do you think I have a choice of where I want to live?"

"Is there anything I can do to help you, Naomi?"

"Pass me another hanky."

He wanted to hold Naomi in his arms and protect her from all of her fears. He had a strong emotional attachment to Naomi ever since they were kids. Mantel had to suppress his sexual feelings as an unmarried minister in the church.

He knew that hugging Naomi would only release uncontrolled passion. He had to distance himself from her whilst his whole being adored her.

"Lend me your hanky, Mantel."

"Here it is."

"Thank you."

She blew her nose heavily into Mantel's handy instead of wiping her tears. She returned his hanky in which Mantel politely declined.

"You can keep it. It is my gift to you, Naomi."

"You are so kind. Thank you."

"Everything will turn out to be alright. You're going through a storm. The storm will soon be over and it is only temporary, Naomi."

"I don't want to be in a storm, I hate struggling in life, Mantel."

"We serve a God that even the wind and seas obey. He has the power to speak calm to the storm, Naomi."

"He needs to give me a job, Mantel."

"He will give you the right job at the right time. Have faith in Him, Naomi."

"I am sorry that you saw that side of me, Mantel. I have always held it together and have hidden my vulnerability from you. Losing my home and job had a devastating effect on me and it has got the better of me."

"I do understand. If there is anything you need me to do, please don't hesitate to ask me."

"You're leaving so soon, Mantel."

"Yes. I am working in the morning."

"So you have no time for the unemployed."

"I didn't mean that, Naomi."

"I know you didn't mean it, Mantel. Don't let work consume you, it's not worth it. You are just a number, take care of yourself."

"I will, Naomi."

Before Mantel had time to close the door a little old lady rushed inside Naomi bedsit. She was still in her dressing robe and night dress. Mantel stepped back inside the bedsit and waited until it was safe to leave. The elderly woman explained to Naomi that she lived in the flat below and had wanted to welcome the new tenant.

"It's okay Mantel she is my neighbour."

"Goodbye Naomi."

"Goodbye Mantel."

# Twenty-eight

The elderly woman sat down on the pine chair and rested her walking stick on the table and smiled brightly at Naomi.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"No. He is just a friend."

"He is not bad looking. Don't you think?"

"He's alright."

"He is more than just alright. He's a handsome young man."

"As I have already told you, he's just a friend."

"I can see he wants to be more than a friend to you."

"That's not possible."

"Everything is possible if you have a little faith."

"He's just not my type."

"Why isn't he your type?"

"There is no chemistry or sparks between us."

"There should be a mutual attraction between you and him. Beside, he's a man and you're an

"He is not like any other man."

"He is not made of stone. You can see he adores you."

"He has been kind to me."

"You have more in common with him that you will ever realize."

"You don't know that and you don't know us."

"I know him and he is passionate about people. He lost his mum like you had."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm so sorry I had upset you. Your mum was my closeness friend and I have missed her too."

Naomi wiped away the tears from her eyes. She was extremely close to her mum.

"I am preparing tea for myself and you are more than welcome to stay."

"Thank you, but I'll.."

"Before you leave me please tell me your name."

"You don't need to know my name yet."

"I won't let you go until you tell me your name."

The athletically built elderly woman knew that Naomi was determined to know her identity and Naomi was prepared to lock the elderly woman in the flat.

"False imprisonment is against the law."

"I don't care they have taken everything away from me. I have nothing else to lose. My life is finished."

"You will have a great life."

"How do you know that?"

"God sees all things and He knows all things."

"Did God see me losing my job and flat?"

"Yes. Don't worry. He has everything under His control. You will have a bright future, a purpose and a hope. You must renew your mind and take a risk."

"What do mean by take a risk?"

"You must find out what you are passionate about and go for it. There is more to life than social work."

"Like what?"

"You'll find out sooner than later."

"It is time for me to go. It was good seeing you again, Naomi."

"Have we met before?"

"We've met when your mum was still alive."

"Did you really know my mother?"

"Yes, she was my dear friend. I know you are missing her. She loved you and Jill with all of her heart."

"How long have you known my mother?"

"I knew her when you were newly born, love."

"Who are you?"

"It's not the right time yet. I will see you tomorrow. Take this card, Naomi. You will need it. It's a smart card."

"What is a smart card?"

"You can top up the card with electricity when you purchase electricity from the newsagent or from the post office. There is about ten pounds worth of electricity stored on this card. You will need to swipe the card through the meter before the lights goes out."

Naomi had never use a smartcard before. The elderly lady demonstrated how to use it and how to take meter readings. Naomi took a ten pound note out of her purse.

"Here you are."

"No thank you."

"Please take it."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. You can purchase the next lot of electricity at the newsagent. See you in the morning."

Naomi looked around in the bedsit and thought to herself, it's a mess. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, her mum used to say to her. Naomi didn't want to catch anything. On that note she changed all the bed sheets and covered the settee with a white linen material. She poured bleach down the wash basin and studiously wiped around the toilet seat with a mild disinfectant liquid. Naomi cleaned the pan and bath tub and she did the same with the kitchen work surfaces. It helped to settle her anxiety.

It was her first night inside of the bedsit and she couldn't get to sleep. Naomi vacuumed the carpet to drown out the barrage of swear words she heard coming off the streets. Broken bottles were being thrown; shouts of violence clouded the air and police car chasing the night clubbers added to her fear and insecurity. She needed to do something to refocus her mind from feeling too isolated and depressed. Naomi switched on one TV channel to another. It had minimal effect on her mood swings. Perhaps the reading of books would divert her thoughts away from feeling sorry for herself.

Naomi life had changed dramatically from that of being a wage earner and a career woman to that of becoming a welfare benefit claimant living in a rundown bedsit. She was absolutely devastated. She picked up her mother bible for comfort and before Naomi read the second paragraph of the book of Genesis she felled asleep.

"Naomi, wake up," shouted the elderly woman.

"Who is it?" cried Naomi.

"It's me."

"How did you get inside of my flat?"

"The door was open."

"No, it wasn't. What time is it? I'm exhausted."

"It's about eight o'clock in the morning."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want to take you to the hospital."

"I am not sick and don't need to go the hospital."

"I want you to come to the hospital with me to visit a cousin of yours."

"Which cousin is it?"

"You'll see."

"I hate hospitals."

"We need to go now."

"Who are we visiting in hospital?"

"I told you before he is your cousin, Naomi."

"How do you know my cousin?"

"I knew him when he was living in Lower Ashworth."

"Who are you?"

"I will reveal myself to you in time."

"Let's go now."

"Can't we go in an hour time?"

"It will be too late then."

"Go away, I am losing my mind."

"There's no time to waste. It is time to go."

"I'm not going anywhere until I put my makeup on. Who are you?"

"We met here yesterday, remember."

"Yes, I remembered now."

"You need to get ready."

"Okay. I need to put on my makeup and make myself a cup of coffee to wake me up."

"You don't need any makeup, Naomi."

"I am a woman after all and a girl needs to put her makeup on to give her a lift in the morning."

"There will be enough time for that. We are doing kingdom business."

Naomi was exhausted from lack of sleep and she didn't like to go anywhere without washing her teeth and having a shower. The elderly woman waited for another thirty minutes.

"What's the point of going out when I have no future and no prospects?"

"You'll have a great future ahead of you. Have faith, Naomi?"

"I don't have enough faith."

"Faith comes by hearing the word of God."

"I don't feel like going out. I just want to be left alone and curl up in bed with a book."

"It is not good for you to live your life as a hermit. In the long run you will be even more depressed, Naomi."

"There is nothing to live for."

"You have lots to live for."

"I am broke, tired and angry. I lost my job and I have never had to manage on job seekers allowance of £71.10 per week. I have nothing else to give."

"Your giving is not always financial. Money is a very useful mean indeed but it is not more important than love. It's the greatest gift of all gifts. Without love everything else is pointless. Love will overcome fear, problems and challenges. You have love in abundance, Naomi."

"I don't feel like giving love to anyone at this stage of my life."

"I know you are hurting inside and the best cure for you is to help someone else in need and that is why we're visiting my friend in the hospital. I've told him all about you."

"I will go with you today only if you allow me to rest for most of the day. Do you that Know God rested on the Sabbath."

"Yes. But He worked the other days."

The elderly lady walked at a brisk pace. She was a relatively fit person defying her advanced age whilst Naomi, a much younger woman, struggle to keep pace with her. They walked forever down the High Street. The elderly woman was definitely in her element once she got into her stride. At the half way point, Naomi was slowing down to catch her breath.

"Are we there yet?"

"We've nearly there."

"Why did I ever let you talk me into going out?"

"Can't we take a bus there?"

"Yes, but the exercise is good for you, Naomi."

"Who said I needed the exercise?"

"We all need physical and mental exercise."

"Are we there yet?"

"We have a few more yards to go."

"Thank you, Jesus."

"We are finally here."

They entered into the hospital with its whitewashed walls and red plastic chairs in the waiting area. A strong scent of disinfectant filled the air. The porters were pushing empty beds inside the elevator preparing for the next incoming patients. Nurses and doctors clothed in white uniforms rushed inside the lift. There was just enough space inside of the lift for Naomi and the elderly woman. Bodies were tightly compacted together making it uncomfortable. As soon as the auxiliary workers forced their way into the lift the elderly lady and Naomi decided to escape down the flights of stairs.

The whole hospital was heavily protected with CCTV cameras, security guards and alarmed doors leading to each ward. All visitors had to report first to the nurses on entrance to each ward and they were asked to rub gel onto their hands. Erik was seating in the armchair reading the newspaper. His brown eyes glowed brightly when he saw the elderly woman approaching him through the ward. They greeted each other with kisses and hugs. You could tell their relationship was intimate.

Naomi was a few feet away from Erik. Flashback of the mugging in Lower Ashworth Park entered into her mind. She felt emotionally sick inside as she recalled the familiar unwashed smells permeating from Erik. She was just about to turn back when the elderly woman pulled out a chair for Naomi to seat on. She moved the chair further away from Erik as the sense of fear gripped her.

Erik was ten years older than Naomi. He looked in good health and there was clearly no visible sign of physical disability or any reasons for him being in hospital. Naomi was curious to know the story behind Erik admission to hospital but she first needed to confront him about the incident in the park.

"Is that you, Naomi?"

"Yes."

"Long time no see."

"It has been a long time."

"How are you doing, girl?"

"Erik, were you in the park when I was mugged?"

"I'm always in the park."

"Were you in the park when I was mugged?"

"Yes. I was in the park."

"Why did you mug me and mum?"

"I was young and foolish and I joined the Lower Ashworth gang. I was one of the many new members of the gang. The leader of the gang asked us to stab or rob someone as an act of initiation into the group. Unless I mugged you guys, another new member of the gang would have stabbed you to death."

"We're family remember."

"I know Naomi. I did it to protect you and your mum or they would have definitely killed you both."

"Why didn't you tell us this before? I was an emotional wreck ever since the day of the mugging."

"I would have compromise myself so leaving you and your mum in grave danger."

"You shouldn't have joined the gang in the first place. It's horrid and disgusting."

"You are right. Can I be honest with you?"

"Yes."

"I had no family ties. Dad had abandoned us and we were poor. The gang became my family. I was accepted by the gang and for the first time in my life I had money in my pocket to buy clothes."

"Money is not everything, Erik."

"I know that now."

"We didn't know how bad things were with you, Erik or if we knew we would have helped you."

"Thank you, Naomi. Will you forgive me for robbing you?"

"Perhaps."

"It would mean the world to me if you would find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Okay. What are you doing in hospital?"

"I have prostate cancer and I'm having treatments."

"I am so sorry to hear that."

"Don't feel sorry for me, I have kept the faith and I will finish the race."

"What is your story?"

"Most of my young adult life I was a staunch unbeliever of God. I believed I controlled my own destiny and gained respect through the gang."

"What you sow is what you reap?"

"I trusted the gang members with my life until the leader tried to assassinate me."

"Why on earth would he want to do such a thing?"

"I was gaining the confidence and respect of the gang members. But the leader of the gang was envious of my exploits and the gang member's admiration of me."

"Are you telling me the truth, Erik?"

"Oh yes, I was creating havoc in people lives because I was unhappy with my lot. I hated people for being happy. My life was pointless."

"What made you turn your life around?"

"I was engaged to marry this woman and she told me that she felled in love with Jesus. I was extremely upset, angry and confused at the time. She was the love of my life."

"What happened next?"

"I despised Jesus for taking away my true love. One day I asked God to prove to me that He is real. Nothing happened at first. I sat down on the lawn in tears. A few moments later a piece of paper from nowhere landed on my lap with the words expressing Jesus love for me and dying on the cross for my sins."

The elderly lady opened her handbag with due care and took out the brown envelope. She handed it to Naomi.

"Please don't open the envelope until I am gone. The letter will instruct you on what you should do."

"What is the letter about?"

"You must take care of the letter. I know you can do it. It's up to you to carry out God's business."

"What's inside of the letter?"

"Promise me you won't open it before I'm gone."

"Where are you going?"

"Erik and I are going to get married in Barbados."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you, Naomi."

"We can't live forever and we want to enjoy our lives."

Erik gasped for air from the oxygen tank and repeated this several times. He reassured them that the gas was to ease his pain whilst the elderly lady shared her life experience with Naomi.

"I remembered when I was your age, Naomi. It was not long ago. I wasted my time worrying about the things I couldn't control and have missed out on too many opportunities to socialise with love ones. When you have a limited amount of time to live you don't care about what other people think about you anymore."

"That is quite deep and what do you mean by that?"

"Don't allow events and circumstances to distract your vision for a better life. We are part of a greater whole. Can't you see, Naomi? Don't let your life become like mine. I lived in that bedsit for all of my life. I had never exceeded beyond my low expectation and aspiration. Don't let your past determine your future."

"You must change your thinking."

"How can I change my thinking?"

"Change what you read. The input will influence the output. You churn out what you read. Negative statements will produce panic and fear. You must endeavour to become more proactive. Set goals for your life and discover your passion and finally think big."

"How do I do that?"

"Is there something you are doing which blesses others?"

"I enjoy serving other people and I like writing stories."

"That is where you need to start from. You are young enough to go back to college and enrol yourself onto a writing course. You can change the world."

The elderly woman glanced at her watch. Visiting time was over. She kissed Erik fully on his lips. She was more than thirty years his senior and was clearly upset with leaving Erik on the ward. It was now obvious to Naomi that Erik and the elderly woman were in love.

"I have an appointment with the hairdresser. I must leave you now. I will see you soon. Don't you be afraid? I love you, always," said the elderly woman.

I won't be afraid. I love you too," declared Erik.

Walking back from the hospital Naomi was brimming with questions. The elderly woman kept quiet and she wasn't taking the bait. She blanked out Naomi completely and headed for another direction which made Naomi become even angrier.

"What's inside of the letter?"

"I can't tell you?"

"I need to know."

"Open it when I'm gone."

"Why?"

"Everything will be explained you by the letter."

"You're not going to tell me what inside of the letter. Are you?"

"No. It's not all about you, Naomi."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what exactly what I mean."

"Tell me, then?"

"Jill's daughter has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Jayne is unable to fit into large social groupings and she has panic attacks and severe anxiety. Jeff has helped Jill raised Jayne. He stood by Jill's side during the hard times.

"How do you know about Jayne?"

"Jill had been off work sick and we had worked together at the bakery."

"Are you saying I don't think of others?"

"Yes. You are selfish and you mustn't quit on life. It will get better."

"I am leaving you now. My time with you has expired."

"You sound like you are offering me counselling."

The elderly woman walked away into the distance leaving Naomi confused. The next day Naomi returned to the hospital and there was no sign of Erik. It was as though they had never existed. The nurse on reception told her that Erik had discharged himself from the ward in the morning. Naomi had mixed feelings about them. She was angry with Erik for taking such a long time in hiding the past to her and was happier to put the past behind her. She missed their zest for life. She was just getting to know them.

# Twenty-nine

Naomi asked other tenants if they had remembered the elderly woman. They were not acquainted with the elderly woman and they weren't knowledgeable of Erik. It felt strange to Naomi that they were no longer in her life. Surely they were not a figment of her imagination nor was she going mad. Their sudden departures brought back the memories of losing her mum. Naomi felt she could get to closer to an older person since of mum went into care.

Naomi slumped backward into the wooden chair and wept uncontrollably. She was on the verge of losing her mind until a large ginger cat brushed against her legs and cried.

"Where have you come from?"

The ginger cat was not leaving until she poured out quarter of a pint of milk into a saucer. Naomi drew in a deep intake of breath and watched the cat gulped down the milk. She thought to herself the cat reminded her of the importance of helping others. She felt a burden had been lifted off her head. She telephoned Mantel to confirm if he was still coming around to see her after work.

The next day Mantel arrived at the flat as promised.

"Mantel, do you remembered seeing an elderly woman inside my kitchen?"

"No."

"She was an older woman who sat on the pine chair."

"Yes, I remembered her."

Naomi hugged Mantel. She was no longer insane. It was the first time that they had touched each other. They were hugging each other for a few seconds. The chemistry between them with the added smell of white musk and cologne had the potential to develop a sexually explosion. They both knew that intimacy between an unmarried couple was something that the church would frown upon and disapprove of which made them stop hugging each other. Mantel felt more embarrassed and confused. He had always loved Naomi but he had to do the right thing in the eyes of God. Naomi apologised to him for putting a man of the cloth in a difficult and delicate position. They both kept their distance.

"The woman was a messenger sent to you from God," said Mantel.

"She offered me godly wisdom and I will never forget her and Erik as long as I shall live," said Naomi.

"Why don't you stay for dinner, Mantel?"

"I love to stay but I have a meeting with the deacons."

"Please stay for a few more minutes."

"Okay."

"Do you know Jan has a crush on you?"

"I didn't know that. It's news to me."

"Can't you tell she is in love with you?"

"No."

"Why are men so useless when it comes to the affairs of the heart?"

"You two would make a lovely couple. Don't you think?"

"Are you becoming a matchmaker, Naomi?"

"I guess so. Jan is an attractive lady. Don't you think?"

"Yes" and "She would make a lovely bride."

"I never knew you like large ladies."

"I do like large women, Naomi."

"What's wrong with slim women?"

"They can't keep you warm in the winter."

"Why don't you marry a radiator?"

Naomi playfully threw the dish cloth at Mantel hitting him across his face. Mantel chuckled with laughter; he knew there was rivalry between Naomi and Jan for his affection. A half serious looking Naomi chased him around the table. It was quite hilarious. Naomi was unable to catch up with Mantel and she eventually ran out of steam and called a truce.

"Ouch. You are too sensitive and I was only joking with you, Naomi."

"You do like to be mothered?"

"Yes. I do like to be mothered from time to time."

"Do you want someone to cook your meals for you every day?"

"Oh yes."

"Jan is more of the mothering type than I am."

"She definitely is."

"Stop being a wimp man. It's never going to happen."

"What were you and Jan talking about upstairs at Phil's house? Jan seemed so much preoccupied with her work. Every time I asked her out for lunch she is far too busy. Were you talking to her about me?"

"Whatever gave you that idea? It was just girl talk. Beside, we have far better things to talk about than you."

"Like what?"

"It's none of your business and don't be so conceited."

"Jan seem so distance."

The clock chimed at 7.30 pm. The deacon meeting starts at 8.00 pm promptly. Mantel looked at his watch.

"It's that time. I need to leave you now or I will be late for the deacon's meeting."

"Before you go I want to be baptized and don't you dare laugh at me, Mantel."

"I think it is so wonderful that you want to be baptize?"

"I want to become a real Christian woman not a fake one."

"Why now."

"Over the last few weeks I have come to realise that there is emptiness in my life, without God love and his grace nothing else can fill that vacuum."

"You've certainly done some soul searching, haven't you, Naomi? Can we finish our conversation tomorrow evening, Naomi?"

"Sure."

"It looks like you have another visitor."

"Jayne, what are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighbourhood visiting a school friend and I had decided to come and see you."

"It's great to see you, Jayne" and "Do you always carry around your luggage with you?"

"I've left home and I'm not going back there. Can I stay here with you, Aunty Naomi?"

"You can stay here as long as you want to, Jayne. We must first let your mum know that you are safe."

"I don't want my mum to know that I'm here. She is a big fat lying whore."

"Your mum is no whore and don't be so rude, Jayne. She is the most beautiful woman I know."

"Why has she lied to me then?"

"Darling, your mum had her reasons for not telling you the truth. She did not want to worry you."

"She doesn't care about me, aunty."

"That's not true. Your mum and dad love you to bits."

"Why have she hidden the past from me?"

"In those days it was very difficult being a preacher's daughter. Everyone assumed that we were perfect little girls. We found it extremely hard to live up to our father's expectations."

"Mum kept her past private, aunty."

"Jill and I weren't saint. She smoked cigarettes outside of the school gate and we adorned ourselves with our friends' make-up against our dad wishes. Jill went out with the boys and drank far too much alcohol. We were both teenagers with a cause, challenging dad's authority. He was very crossed with our rebellious behaviour and smacked us with the palm of his hand. He thought we were bad girls wearing trousers and short skirts below the knees. He called us tramps and he said we wouldn't make good wives. Dad gave our brothers more freedom. He was a hypocrite in that respect."

"I didn't know mum smoked."

"Jill rebelled against her harsh upbringing and sought comfort from David. She became pregnant with you to escape dad's dominance and some of the community leaders questioned of our dad's authority in offering moral guidance to the church when he can't manage his own household. In response to the backlash from the community dad sent a heavily pregnant Jill away to Jamaica."

"Who cares about what the community thinks."

"Your mum not only left England in disgrace she left behind mum and I. Mum cried most nights and she was never the same again. I had lots of sleepless nights without Jill. We missed her terribly. Our once exuberance household was now one of mourning. I felt as if someone had died in our family. Dad deliberately kept away from the house working late at nights. He had become estranged from us. It was horrible living in our household without Jill. We were no longer a family."

"You haven't explained to me why mum is sometimes unhappy."

"Can't you see Jayne? Jill was protecting you from experiencing what she had suffered all those years ago. She think that if she had told you the whole truth about your real dad it would have left her bringing back painful memories of her own departure from England."

"It must have been really scary for mum to leave her home at the tender age of 16."

"Yes. It certainty was a frightened experience for us all."

"Why can't mum be more like you, aunty?"

"Your mum is a lovely woman. She has been hardened by her past, Jayne."

"Mum is stubborn as a mule and she has a big bum."

"Be careful about calling Jill a donkey and your bum is not that small."

Jayne was a little tearful and agitated. She raised your voice and cried, "I hate myself. You are dead to me, aunty."

"What's wrong Jayne?"

"There is a boy called Jason who is in year 11 at my school. He teased me constantly about the size of my lips and nose. He called me fish lips."

"Real beauty is skin deep and it is linked to character. Jason is a young boy who is far too immature. He can't recognise beauty even when it hit him in the face. If I was you I would report him to your form teacher. He's such a loser."

"My teacher blanks me out completely. He doesn't deal with any issues. He wants me to teach other children at the school about the different cultures. The school is afraid to act against racism and bullying."

"I am not impressed with the school failure to act on anti-discriminatory policy, Jayne."

"My school employed no black teachers. There is only one black supply teacher in the whole school who is constantly being ridiculed by the white children."

"Why aren't boys more like Mantel, aunty?"

"They will be one day."

"He is a bit of alright for an older man. Isn't aunty?"

"Mantel is not in your age group and you would do better by keeping your eyes on your school books."

"He is not my type, aunty."

"What is your type, Jayne?"

"He must have a six pack and he would be tall and handsome."

"If you find him please let me know, Jayne."

"Mantel is totally into you, aunty."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's the way he looks at you. He definitely loves you."

"He's a good man."

"I can tell you like him too."

"I need to contact your mother to let her know that you are safe with me."

"Can't I stay here with you tonight, aunty?"

"I need to get permission from your mum first."

"Please can I stay aunty?"

"Only if you're mum approves. She must be sick with worry."

Naomi spoke on the phone to Jill. Jill was relieved to know that her only daughter was safe. She talked to Jayne for hours about the past. They both were overwhelmed with grief. Jill and Jayne agreed to make a fresh start and to become transparent and honest with each other for the sake of their mum.

"Did mum agree that I could sleep here tonight?"

"Yes. The first rule is all lights out at 9 O' Clock unless you are reading a book."

"Say what."

"The second rule is no viewing of TV after nine."

"How boring is that?"

"We can talk to each other, Jayne."

"Why don't we have a pillow fight, aunty?"

"Okay. You grab that pillow and I use this one. Let the battle commence."

Jayne was considerably stronger than other girls of her age. She was always chosen to be the anchor person in the tug of war. Jayne team had never lost a battle. The contest between Jayne and Naomi was unevenly balanced in favour of Jayne. Naomi knew Jayne was stronger than she was but she had the upper hand in terms of skills, speed and surprises. She bombarded Jayne with a flurry of pillow blows knocking her off the bed.

"Okay aunty, you win."

As soon as Naomi was relaxed and her defence was lowered, Jayne hit her with the pillow across the forehead.

"Ouch! That hurt me, Jayne."

"Sorry aunty I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Go to bed now," demanded Naomi."

"When I turn 16 I will be leaving home" and "I will be old enough to make my own decisions."

"Don't make any rush decision, Jayne. You will live to regret later."

"It's my life, aunty. Home is like a jail sentence. You are told when to wake up and when to go to bed."

"Life is very much a routine, Jayne" and "Your pain will go away when you open up the channels of communication with your mum."

"Goodnight, aunty."

"Goodnight, Jayne."

Naomi reassured Jayne that everything was going to be alright in the end.

"You are coping very well, honey."

"Sweet dreams, Jayne."

"I can't sleep, aunty."

"Do you think two rice cakes and jam will make me be fat, aunty?"

"No Jayne."

"Are you sure, aunty?"

"Yes, Jayne. There is hardly any fat in rice cakes and jam."

Naomi played monopoly with Jayne and told her stories about granddad. He grew up in the parish of Clarendon in Jamaica. Fred quoted the verses from the bible every day with a passion and conviction that was electrifying. In his youth, he was a bit of a ladies' man, tall, dark brown and handsome. His father was a mixed race man with the largest nose in the parish. He was a well-known lay preacher. The villagers were fascinated by the size of his nose and they called him Pinocchio. Thousands of people throughout the whole of Jamaica came to hear him preach as well as look to at his nose.

Fred's father was a fiery evangelical preacher who did not compromise the teaching of the bible. He was popular with the lower classes and he taught that men and women were equal in the sight of God. His teachings drew wide public criticisms from upper and middle classes because he challenged the inequalities within the status quo.

Fred's dad had enemies within the leading establishment. There were rumours of death threats made against him but they did not deter him from his ministry. One day, he straddled his donkey with one roast breadfruit and a basket full of ackee. Witnesses saw him heading towards Mona. He never did reach Mona and his body was discovered in Andy Gully.

"I think the rich people killed Fred's dad?"

"We don't know that for certain, my darling."

"We know that the Governor of Kingston was involved in his assassination, aunty."

"We don't know that too. God know who killed him, Jayne."

"Yes. God knows all things and see all things. Nothing is hidden from him, aunty."

"There are some mysteries in our lifetime that will remain unsolved. For instance, some people are still unconvinced that James Earl Ray killed Dr. Martin Luther King Junior."

"Do you think he did it, aunty?"

"I just don't know, Jayne."

"Did you know that grandma rescued her boss from the burning bakery?"

"No."

"Mum told me yesterday."

"Did she?"

"Mum said the boss was working in the bakery after closing time and she was trapped inside of her office when the bakery was set on fire. Nan saw the burning black clouds hovering over the bakery and knowing how kind gran was, she went back to the bakery and she pulled the boss woman out of the fire."

"Wow!"

"She was so brave in risking her own life."

"Some people said she was foolish to save the life of a bitter elderly white woman."

"Listen to me, Jayne. Gran took the bible literally and she loved her neighbours."

"There are neighbours who are totally vile, aunty." "The bible tells us God allows the sun to shine on the righteous and wicked?"

"Why doesn't God bless me with a smaller nose?"

Naomi reassured Jayne on how beautiful she looked and that her beauty is defined within her culture. Jayne became more confidence with Naomi's encouragement.

"Hunger is killing me, aunty. Where is the food?" shouted Jayne.

"It will be ready in five minutes," said Naomi.

"Do you think two rice cakes and jam will put weight on me?"

"No, Jayne."

Naomi cooked curry chicken served with white rice. She was an excellent cook and was taught well by her mother.

"It's not a lot dear and we'll eat it in smaller plates."

"Does the food taste alright, Jayne?"

"The food tastes sick, aunty."

"Thank you."

"How much fat is in this meal, aunty?"

"Not a lot."

"Gran would be crossed with you, Jayne."

"Why?"

"You haven't chewed the chicken bone. She was pleased when we chewed the bones. It meant we enjoyed the meal."

"I hated biting into the marrow of the chicken bone. Dad loved the bone too. Do you think the food will put more weight on me?"

"No darling and stop repeating yourself."

"Are you sure it won't put weigh on me?"

"Yes."

"Gran was a little bit sensitive about her food. She had false teeth and was unable to chew the chicken bone."

"Gran had a real love of cooking meals for other people and she enjoyed playing her gospel music."

"Gran had a record collection of Jim Reeves," inquired Jayne.

"Yes. I have grandmother collection of Jim Reeves sacred records."

"Gran played them on a Sunday."

"You don't have to wait for Sunday to play gospel music, Jayne. Every day is the lord day," argued Naomi.

They spent the next hour examining Naomi record collection from reggae to gospel.

"I feel tired, aunty. Will you read me a bedtime story to help me go to sleep?"

"No problem, Jayne."

Naomi read the story of Joseph to Jayne. After reading about the death of the baker Jayne started to snore.

"Go to sleep, Jayne."

"Good night, aunty. I'm really sleepy now."

Jayne mumbled a few unrecognisable words before falling asleep. She was quiet at last. The bedsit was peaceful again. You could hear a sudden thumping noise of the boiler and radiators before the thermostat was automatically switched off. Naomi spent the rest of the night washing plates and picking up Jayne's clothes off the floor. Naomi liked everything to be put into order and she was manic if anything was not in its rightful place.

# Thirty

Back at Phil's house, the deacons of the church met for an urgent meeting called by Elder Jack. There was something different about this meeting. Everyone was there apart from Mantel. The last time they ever held a fully attended meeting was when Naomi's father and his close inner circle of deacons resigned from their posts.

The deacons sat around the Italian vanished formica table in the dining room. Those present around the table were Brother Phil, Sister Margaret, Elder Jack, Sister Ruby, Brother Rueben, Sister Edna, Brother Jeff, Sister Jan and Evangelist Zoe.

The dining room was stoned cold. The chairs and sofas were chilled and the radiators were switched off. Brother Phil was worried about the increasing prices of gas and electricity ever since he was made redundant. They were struggling to pay the bills. This winter was exceptionally severe with heavy snowfalls. The weather was playing havoc with Sister Ruby's rheumatism. She couldn't bend her knuckles which made her feel even more miserable at the meeting. The rheumatism was killing her.

"Can you turn the central heating on?" asked Sister Ruby.

"No problem, Sister Ruby," said Margret.

"I can hardly talk when it's so cold and my fingers are stiff."

Margaret thought to herself they wouldn't be able to hold further meetings at the house if they wanted to keep in line with their household budget. A grumpy looking Phil reluctantly turned on the gas fire on.

"That's much warmer," declared Sister Ruby.

There were a variety of fruits in the bowl ranging from plums to apples. Sister Ruby asked Sister Margaret for a banana to help boost her sugar level. "I'm diabetic and I need to eat before I take my insulin,"

"Sure," said Margaret.

"Thank you, Sister Margaret."

"Does anyone else would like to have a fruit?"

"Can you get a glass of cold water for me to take with my blood pressure tablets?" said Sister Ruby.

"How is your Austin Cambridge running, Brother Reuben?" enquired Elder Jack.

"Good. I really love that car."

"I can get you a good price for your car. All the taxi drivers in Jamaica want to drive an Austin Cambridge. The car can handle the potholes extremely well."

"No Jack. My car is definitely not for sale," said a defiant Brother Reuben.

"Don't you think your car is too old and you need to buy a new and reliable car?"

"No sir."

Reuben was a very proud owner of an Austin Cambridge car and he kept it in mint condition. He was hypersensitive about his car. Elder Jack was walking on egg shells. Brother Reuben was defensive about his car and was ready to explode if there was any more criticism of it. His eyebrows were raised higher than usual. A group of horizontal lines were etched across his forehead. He was upset and his wife, Sister Edna, who was married to him for more than twenty years, shoved him gently with her elbow beckoning him to walk in love. It was enough to divert a dramatic fall out between the pair.

"Did you know Brother Reuben has now got two allotments?" said Sister Edna.

"You're joking."

"It's true, Brother Jack."

"How does Brother Reuben find the time to manage two allotments?"

"He is passionate about growing vegetables."

"I can speak for myself, Edna."

"Well, speak then Brother Reuben."

Brother Reuben was a tall, straight, muscular and a semi-literate man. He left school at the age of 14 and worked on his father farm supporting his mother and younger siblings. He was a man of a few words but spoke them from his heart. He was not afraid to speak his mind. He was blunt at times but a kind hearted man who never strayed from his commitment to Sister Edna.

"The Bankers have soft hands like Elder Jack and they don't know what hard work is."

"Non-manual work can be just as stressful as manual work, Reuben," said Sister Edna.

"Manual work is real man's work," argued Reuben.

"Women's work is far more stressful than men's work."

Brother Reuben was an old fashioned man. Many years ago Sister Edna led Elder Reuben to the Lord. He felled in love with her at a local youth meeting in Lower Ashworth and has been her constant companion ever since. He visited the church to be with Sister Edna until a young Pastor Fred challenged him to make a commitment to Jesus. He's been a Christian ever since taking up the challenge.

"How long have you lived in this house, Brother Phil?" enquired Sister Edna.

"We brought the house in 1977. That makes it about 20 years ago."

"I don't know where the time has gone, brother. Because I remembered when you first moved into the house it was like only yesterday."

"Time waits for no man, Sister Edna" and "It waits for no woman too, Brother Phil," announced a gleeful Elder Jack.

On that point Elder Jack, the founder of the church, stood up from around the table to speak. Brother Reuben asked him to sit down to no avail. Elder Jack ignored Brother Reuben directives and he proceeded to address the group.

"Time has a way of creeping up on us. I was once young and but now I'm old. I want to tell you that no man, great or small, rich or poor can stop time. The queen of England is one of the wealthiest women in the world but she can't stop the clock from ticking."

"There is a time to be quiet Elder Jack," said Brother Reuben.

"The queen is getting older with every passing day. We all have an appointed time with our maker and it makes no difference whether you are rich or poor. It's an appointment we cannot miss. It is our destiny. Time is in the hand of God. We give praise Him and thanksgivings."

Elder Jack continued his sermon on the mount and Brother Reuben was becoming more annoyed with him until Phil took control of the meeting.

"Thank you Elder Jack for your insight. I want us to start to focus on this meeting. It has been brought to our attention that a certain pastor was seen late last night coming out of a flat occupied by an unmarried woman."

Phil suggestion stirred them up. "Oh my Lord, have mercy upon us," and "What a disgrace," yelled Sister Ruby.

"That pastor is bringing the church into disrepute. He's giving the church a bad name," said Elder Jack.

"I hope it's not our Pastor Mantel."

"He's such a good and decent young man."

"We are all jumping to the wrong conclusion. Let us all calm down" and "assess who is this so called pastor and this unmarried woman we are talking about," demanded Jeff.

"Don't you know, Deacon Jeff?"

"If I knew that, Phil, I would have named him?"

"Pastor Mantel was seen coming out of an unmarried woman's flat."

"Oh my God, the church is finish," cried Sister Edna.

"The church is not depended upon any man, Sister Edna. It is Christ's church. Yes, Mantel is God's messenger but we are all God's messengers too and we must stop putting individuals on a pedal stool," said Sister Ruby.

"Before we take the beam out of other people eyes we must first remove the plank out of our own eyes," argued Jeff.

Jeff stared at Phil trying not to give away any signs of revulsion.

"It is true. Mantel was seen coming out of Naomi's flat, Jeff."

"Yes. So what's the big deal, Phil?"

"He was seen coming out of a single woman flat, Jeff."

"Yes."

"It was Naomi's flat."

"I know that, Phil. What is the point?" reiterated Jeff.

"The point is what was he doing inside of her flat?"

"Can't a man visit a woman's flat without being accuse of fornication, Phil."

"Yes."

"What's your problem, Phil?"

"It's Mantel who has a problem with Naomi not me, Jeff."

"They are just talking to each other. They have a platonic relationship."

"He's a kind man and she is a vulnerable woman in need of a shoulder to cry on. She is an attractive woman on heat."

"Naomi is not a cat Phil and she is not looking for a relationship of that kind."

"She is not a born again Christian, Jeff and she will pounce on Mantel or any other man. Naomi is a tigress looking for a mate."

"Oh yea" and "We are supposed to believe in all that garbage."

"Naomi has lured him into her den and has devoured him. She is no different from her dad."

"What are you implying, Phil?" and "Naomi is much different from her father. Naomi Is not responsible for her father past sins. Let the past stay in the past."

"Pastor Fred was seen visiting unmarried women in their homes and it nearly destroyed the church. People weren't happy with him and they left the Church in grove."

"We worship God only because He is a jealous God. We are all equal in the sight of God and there are no needs for people to be led astray by the antics of celebrity Christians."

Phil and Elder Jack were annoyed with Jeff for persistently challenging their authority and leadership.

"Are you referring that Mantel is having sexual liaison with Naomi, Phil."

"We're not saying such a thing," replied Phil embarrassingly.

"Well, what are you saying then?"

Everyone was silent. They stared at Jeff.

"How do you know?" shouted Elder Jack.

"I know them both well and they have my full respect" and "Nothing perverse is going to happen. They are decent people. I can assure you of that."

"We are not saying, that Pastor Mantel is doing anything improper with Naomi," said Sister Jan.

"Well what are you saying, people? "Argued Jeff.

"We are saying Mantel is a decent man but.."

"But, what are you really saying?"

"Most pastors have human fragilities and they have the propensity to fall into temptation."

"Mantel is no Joseph, Phil. But he will flee from temptation and Naomi is no temptress in the mould of Delilah or Potiphar's wife."

"They are rumours circulating that she had an affair with an older man and Mantel is the replacement."

"I wouldn't listen to rumours or gossips, Phil. They are worse than adultery. I have known Naomi for a number of years and she is a virtuous woman. She would never take advantage of Mantel's sexual weaknesses."

Phil was annoyed with Jeff defence of Naomi virtue and Mantel vulnerability. He thumped his hand hard on the table to demand attention.

"We are saying that the previous deacons of our church refused to listen to rumours about Naomi's father, Pastor Fred. They denied and ignored the allegations coming from members of the congregation and the church was nearly destroyed. We can't bury our heads in the sand anymore and think everything is okay. We have a divine responsibility to look after the flock and we don't want the congregation to go astray again."

"I can't believe I am hearing this from you, Phil" and "What does everyone else think?"

The meeting became increasingly tense. Jeff was extremely upset and shocked by the accusations presented to him at the meeting. The very thought of Mantel having an affair with Naomi leading to the demise of the church was absurd to Jeff. Many members of the congregation had not forgiven Naomi's father for bringing the church into disrepute. To them, Naomi was a symbolic reminder of those dreaded days when her father pastured the church. Jeff supported Fred fully in his quest to acquit himself. Jeff had a no nonsense approach to rumours.

They all kept quiet and Jeff acknowledged that their silent meant acceptance of Phil and Jack views. Jeff asked Margaret for a blank sheet of writing paper. Everyone was wondering what on earth Jeff was doing with a blank sheet of paper. He spent five minutes writing down a few lines and passed the sheet around to every deacon around the table.

He wrote on the top of the sheet:

'Cast the first stone if you are without sin.'

Each deacon of the church bowed their head down in prayer and asked God for forgiveness. After praying Jeff stood up from his knees and said,

"How can you all put Mantel in the same category as Pastor Fred? God has forgiven John Newtown, a slave trader, who wrote the song, 'Amazing grace'. He can surely forgive Naomi and her father too. Gossips and rumours are worse than adultery. I say we get behind Pastor Mantel and tell those people who have been peddling lies and deceit to shut their mouths."

Margaret shook her head in agreement with Jeff whilst Phil looked on in disgust and a pensive looking Elder Jack who wanted Evangelist Zoe to replace Mantel as the new pastor of the church held his tongue. Jeff had the better of them both. Sister Edna surprised everyone with her suggestion that Mantel should take one of her six daughters hand in marriage. She thought that the rumours would be squashed by him marrying one of her daughters. Everyone was impressed with Sister Edna idea except for Jeff.

"No disrespect to your beautiful and intelligent daughters, Sister Edna. I trust that either one of them would make a good marriage. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. Mantel is in love with Naomi."

"We rest our case," replied Phil.

"This doesn't mean his judgment is obscured. He has always served God with the best of his abilities. Mantel affection for Naomi is completely honourable. He is the perfect gentleman."

"The most honourable thing he can do is to end his relationship with Naomi for the good of the church."

Margaret supported Jeff in the meeting. She was extremely upset with Phil and changed her allegiance to Jeff. Margaret was on a roll. The battle lines were drawn with Phil.

"We have all sinned and have committed wrongdoings in our lives. We mustn't push Mantel into a corner without any prove and we know he will never end his relationship with Naomi," said Margaret.

"If that is the case you will leave the church with no alternative option but to call time on his pastoral role," replied Phil.

"Did God tell you this or did this come from you, Phil?" enquired Margaret.

Phil remains quiet and voided further eye to contact with Margaret and the rest.

"It is you that is causing the problem, Phil," replied Sister Edna.

A look of apprehension was etched across the faces of all the sisters around the table. Sister Ruby was outraged that God was not involved in the decision making process. Sister Ruby was vexed with Phil.

"Brother Phil and Elder Jack answer the question or hold your peace," asked Sister Ruby.

They side tracked questions by asking another questions. A ply favoured by politicians.

"Do you think God wants the church to be broken up?"

"No!"

"Exactly" and "This is why Jeff will need to speak to Mantel about."

They agreed that Jeff should discuss with Mantel his relationship with Naomi. A few moments later, Mantel entered the room a few minutes later he apologized for being late.

"Hello God's people."

"Hello Pastor Mantel," they said.

They all departed from the room with stern faces. They were totally despondence to Mantel enthusiasm. He was puzzled by the expressions shown on their faces.

"Is there something wrong with the Deacons, Jeff?"

"Well."

"You can tell me. I'm a big boy."

"I know that."

"Well, what is it?"

"It's a very delicate matter of the heart" and "I have always been honest with you, Mantel."

"I value your honesty, Jeff."

"Do you have feelings for Naomi?"

# Thirty-one

"She is a bright spark in my life."

"Yes. Do you have feelings for Naomi?"

"She is the most wonderful person I know."

"Yes. Do you have feelings for Naomi?"

"I adore her."

"Do you love her?"

"You know I have always loved her" and "Why are you asking me these questions?"

"Do you love her, Mantel?"

"Yes Jeff."

"Are you aware that there are some members in the leadership team who have never forgiven Naomi's father for breaking up the church?"

"I don't care what they think."

"What they think is important, Mantel. They have the power to terminate your contract. I will support you as always. I am sure that the sisters in the church will back you as well."

"What else do you want to tell me, Jeff?"

"It can wait another day."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Mantel."

"You know there are certain deacons in the church who would be happy for me to resign" and "I will not give them the satisfaction of resigning unless it's God's plan."

"They want you to give up your relationship with Naomi, Mantel."

"My relationship with Naomi is purely plutonic and she is not responsible for her father infidelities. I will be sensitive to the deacons' views but at no point will I abandon those who are hurting and suffering."

Mantel felt cheated and depressed. He had pastured the church for over 5 years without pay. Before pasturing the church he spent most of his young adult life ministering to the youths under the leadership of Pastor Fred. He was committed to the church.

"Dad refused to quit working on the buses despite a little English girl innocently calling him a monkey."

"The girl was not to be blame as she was a by-product of Darwinism, Mantel."

"I can't imagine how a monkey could have possibly driven a West Midland double Decker bus."

"The point is my dad and mum was no quitters and I'm not a quitter too. I will serve the church until I take my last breath and my love for Naomi will not prevent me from ministering the gospel."

Mantel proved to Jeff how determined and single minded he was in serving the church.

"Thank you, Mantel. That is what I like to hear from you. Christ will build his church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it."

"Is there something else you are not sharing with me, Jeff?"

"I've told you everything I know, Mantel."

"I have known you, Jeff for more than ten years. So what's bugging you, Jeff?"

"You're hiding information from me about Naomi's boyfriend."

"Naomi has no boyfriend. She is single."

"You can tell me, Jeff. Who was he?"

"I don't know who he is. Naomi told Jill he was an older man."

"Was he more like a father figure?"

"He was more like Denzel Washington without the money. Don't you tell either Jill or Naomi that I told you or I will be cooking my own meals."

"Let me guess who he is."

Mantel paused for a few seconds pondering who the culprit was. Jeff had given him a hint. The lines on Mantel forehead became more pronounced.

"Oh my god tells me it is not him. It can't be him."

"What on earth are you talking about Mantel?"

"I had the strangest feeling it was grumpy old Phil."

"You don't know that for sure."

"It's him alright. Phil's behaviour has become much more antagonistic towards me ever since I brought Naomi to the last home group meeting."

"Phil can be a bit lukewarm with everyone," declared Jeff.

"Yes. But he was rather excitable in the presence of Naomi. He was extremely attentive to her."

"He was swarming around her like bees hovering around a honey comb. Did you see his eyes glaring intensively at her?"

"No Mantel. I didn't notice him appreciating Naomi."

"He had fixation on Naomi when he helped her with the coat."

"What if Naomi former boyfriend was Phil."

"She will need to move on from that relationship. I want you to listen to me, Mantel. Naomi is like the Samaritan woman at the well. In the past she had too many unsuitable relationships until Jesus showed up in her life."

"Are you listening to me, Mantel?"

"Yes."

"Naomi was searching for purpose in her life ever since her mum went into care and her father was imprisoned. She is no longer dissatisfied with her lot as Jesus has become the pivotal point in her life. Don't be bitter with Naomi nor Phil. They have done wrong and need our support and guidance."

"I need time to think, Jeff."

"Take all the time you need. We love you bro and call me anytime."

An upset Mantel walked towards the exit door without saying goodbyes to either Phil or Margaret. Phil marched into the living room. He stared studiously at Jeff.

"Have you told him?"

"Yes. But..."

"But what..."

"I am not happy with your treatment of Mantel and Elder Jack calling this meeting to ostracise him. Mantel is a good man and he doesn't deserve to be treated unfairly."

"Is it fair for the church to be deceived and to be served by a fallen pastor who is misled by a temptress?"

"Don't throw rocks unless you have not fallen into temptation yourself, Phil."

"What do you mean by that, Jeff?"

"You know exactly what I meant?"

Phil looked angrily at Jeff with both his eyes showing red blood vessels. Jeff had outsmarted him and he wasn't happy to be found out.

"I'll see myself out and we'll talk on the phone later."

# Thirty-two

It was the hottest day in October with temperatures rising to 30 centigrade. Lower Ashworth was experiencing a Caribbean heat wave. It was the most unusual weather for this time of the year. There was another strange event which happened when Phil made a house call to Naomi flat.

"What are you doing here, Phil? Are you lost?"

"No Naomi. I am here to do God's will."

Naomi was even more suspicious of Phil's intentions. In the past, Phil had been devious in his dealings with her. He was always scheming or plotting the downfall of others. He wanted something from Naomi to solely meet his own needs and purposes. She needed to know what it was.

"Why are you here Phil? Are you here to dig up more dirt?"

"Whatever gave you that idea, Naomi?"

"Let's cut to the chase, Phil. You've never liked me because my dad was in charge of the church."

"I have never disliked you, Naomi. We had a brief affair remember."

"Don't remind me of those terrible nights spent with you in my student bedsit which I have truly regretted. I was very young then and you took advantage of me."

"You were old enough."

"I thought you were a man of God and I trusted you."

"I was far too weak in the mind and had no self-control in those days. Please can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"I have forgiven you a long time ago. But I want to ask you one question, Phil."

"Fire away."

"Were you ever on the payroll when my dad was in charge of the church?"

"I have nothing to say on that subject matter."

"How much offerings did you take from the church funds Phil?"

"I am not here to talk about the church finances."

"When the Charity Commission was taking action against the church, was it you who decided to get rid of the golden goose who laid the golden eggs?"

"Your father had no trouble contributing to his own downfall. He didn't need any help from me?"

"You are such a conceited pig, Phil."

"You are more attractive when you're angry, Naomi."

"Get out of here."

"Are you curious to find out why I am here?"

"To pick up from where you left off. That's not going to happen. Trust me."

"Don't flatter yourself, Naomi."

"Why are you here, Phil? It's not to welcome me back into the church."

"I am here to seek your advice and help, Naomi."

"You are asking me for help, you must be joking."

"I am here to discuss with you a most delicate matter which requires someone of your caliber and diplomacy."

"What do you want?"

"Do you still care about Mantel?"

"It's none of your business, Phil."

"It will be your business when the church no longer exists."

"What do you mean by that statement?"

"The church is in financial ruins."

"Have you been helping yourself to the funds, Phil?"

"Absolutely not."

"I don't believe you."

"Whether you believe me or not the merger of the two churches will mean the church becomes financially sound and Mantel will no longer be the pastor of the church."

"You don't know that Phil."

"I know that the pastor of the Pentecostal church is a prolific writer of bestselling books, a community leader and the president of the Churches Alliance. He is clearly the better candidate of the two to lead the new merger. To avoid further humiliation for Mantel you will need to get him to resign. I am worried about Mantel."

"No you're not. You are worried about yourself, Phil."

"You think you know me, Naomi."

"I guess I do."

"No. We should leave the decision to God and to the members of the new merger. Don't you think so?"

Phil was annoyed with Naomi responses. He wasn't one to pray and consult God for direction. He lost his focus on God when he was overwhelmed with unemployment.

"Yes. You are entirely right I have spoken to most members of both churches and Mantel is far easily the underdog. He has no chance of leading the new church. He will be utterly humiliated during the selection and recruitment processes. Mantel is a lay pastor without any theological qualifications. If you care enough for him you would spare him the embarrassment."

"I do care for Mantel but I won't let him resign. Beside he is a majority with God on his side. Don't you think all things are possible to him who believe, Phil?"

"Yes. Not all prayers are answered, Naomi."

"I think all prayers are answered by God. God will reply no, yes or wait."

Phil was heading nowhere with Naomi she was outmanoeuvring his every move. He had an ace up his sleeve to unbalance her.

"Mantel doesn't know that we had an intimate relationship and I am sure he would not welcome the news."

"It was a total mistake and I was young at the time and you knowingly took advantage of me, Phil. The revelation of our affair would devastate my family and crush Mantel. You wouldn't dare tell him."

"Yes, I would tell him about our affair for the good of the church."

"You are truly a despicable and a self-centred man I have lost all respect for you."

"It's not about you Naomi it's about helping Mantel."

"It's all about you, Phil."

"I have pre-warned you, Naomi."

"What about your wife, Phil."

"It's over between us. I have nothing else to lose."

"You know how much Mantel loves the church it would hurt him to resign from the church and I believe it would be a decision he would live to regret for the rest of his life."

"If you went a hundred miles away from Lower Ashworth he would follow you to the ends of the earth and the church would terminate his contract with immediate effect and I would say a kind word for both of you."

"You haven't got a kind word in your bones."

"Don't be so emotional, Naomi."

"So you want me to lie to Mantel."

"Not exactly, it is for the good of the whole church."

"Why should I care about the church people? They ruined my mother's life. She sacrificed her life for the church."

"It's your dad who ruined her."

"You are so lucky that I don't whack you with my broom."

"Please do."

"You are a scumbag, Phil."

"I like it when you talk dirty."

"You really need to repent, Phil."

"I will. Can you leave Ashworth tomorrow?"

"What's in it for you, Phil?"

"I'm just helping Mantel and you."

"No, you are not. It's an opportunity for you to have more power and status."

"There is nothing wrong with power and status as long as you use them wisely."

"You want power and status to help yourself. I would like you leave right now."

"I am only doing this to help you and Mantel. You both can have a great life together down South. That is what you've always wanted."

"Just go, Phil" and "Don't you dare touch me."

"You know you want me, Naomi."

"You are such a disgusting old man and I feel sorry for your wife."

"She is not your concern, Naomi."

"One day you'll wake up, Phil and she will be gone."

"Why don't you take Mantel and start a new life with him away from Ashworth?"

"Why don't you seek the Lord whilst He can be found, Phil?"

Naomi mobile phone was ringing constantly in the background. She refused to answer it at first. It kept on ringing to Naomi annoyance so she picked up the phone off the table and answered the call.

# Thirty-three

"It's me, Mantel."

Phil made a quick exit leaving Naomi to converse with Mantel. He was pleased with himself.

"What do you want, Mantel?"

"You sound distress, Naomi. Has anyone upset you?"

"No. I am just tired and I need to get some sleep."

"Can we talk, Naomi?"

"What's about, Mantel?"

"It is about the church?"

"Why do you want to talk to me about the church?"

"I trust you, Naomi."

"Don't."

"What's wrong, Naomi?"

"Nothing is wrong."

"Is this a good time to talk?"

"No. Can't you speak to Jeff, Mantel?"

"I value your opinion, Naomi, as much as I do Jeff's."

"What is it, man?"

"You sound a little grumpy. Is there something wrong?"

"Yes. You are telephoning me late at night."

"I have never seen this side of you before."

"Get used to it. This is the real me. I'm a moody person."

"No. You're not. There is something troubling you and I'll want to get to the bottom of it."

"I don't want to talk to anyone right now, Mantel. I'm tired."

"I just want to talk to you for a few minutes. It's important to me."

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

"I am angry with Phil and Elder Jack."

"You're not the only one."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Phil has upset a few people."

"Has he upset you?"

Naomi went deadly quiet on the phone which made Mantel even more suspicious.

"Phil has been round to see you. Hasn't he?"

Naomi kept silent refusing to reply to Mantel questioning.

"What has Phil told you?"

"It doesn't matter about Phil. He is such a loser."

"What is it then?"

"I have been offered a job in Hackney, London."

"It's a good distance to be commuting on the train every day."

"I have no intention of commuting to London. I have decided to live in London."

"What about the outcome of the investigation and leaving your family behind."

"I can't live my life for my family anymore or wait for the outcome of the investigation. I need a steady flow of income. I can't live on benefits. It's so demoralising."

"What about are friendships?"

"We will always be friends, Mantel. Jan is a good woman and she will make you a good wife."

"I agree with you that Jan is a good woman. But, I don't have the same feelings for Jan as I have for you."

"I am sure you will grow to love her in time."

"My feelings for Jan are more like an older brother and I don't want to marry her for the sake of marrying someone. Jan deserve someone who love her back."

"What do you really want from me, Mantel?"

"I really want you to stay."

"No. I can't stay and don't you make it hard for me. I am not the woman you think I am."

"I can't let you go, Mantel."

"Why?"

"My feelings for you are far above friendship, Naomi."

"We can still keep in contact, Naomi. I have to go now."

"Wait!"

"I have to go, Mantel."

"Please wait, I care about you, Naomi."

"I have to go now and I am not ready for a close relationship."

"I want to marry you, Naomi."

"I don't want to marry you. If you care for me you will let me go."

"I can't let you go, Naomi."

"I have to go now."

"Can we discuss this over dinner?"

"No. Take care of yourself, Mantel."

"Don't go, Naomi."

Mantel went silent. His heart was clearly crushed and saddened. It was first time he had been opened and transparent about his feelings for Naomi.

"I'm sorry that I have hurt you. I am not the same innocent girl you loved at college. My life has changed for the worse. I have done things which I have regretted and I will have to live with the consequences of them. I want you to build the ministry with Jan by your side and to forget about me."

"I will never forget about you as long as I live."

"Good bye, Mantel."

"Good bye, Naomi."

Naomi switched off the phone in flood of tears. She had to end the relationship with Mantel or Phil would reveal details of her infidelity. She would not be able to look into Mantel eyes again if news about her intimacy with Phil ever came to light. It was far too much for her to contemplate. Mantel was her dearest and closest friend. She had always loved Mantel since childhood. The very thought of leaving him greatly perturbed her. She sobbed on her bed and prayed.

"Dear Lord, please hear my prayer and wipe away my tears I beg of you. Father, it has been ages since I last knelt down before you to pray. Lord, please forgive me of my disobedience and sins committed with Phil. I have let you down. I promise to serve you for the rest of my days."

Naomi fell asleep and was transported into the spiritual world. Two male figures stood before her. Naomi was trembling with fear and she could hardly utter a word.

"Who are you?" said Naomi.

"Don't be afraid we have been sent to you by the almighty God. He has heard your cry and He will deliver you."

"Who are you?"

"Don't be afraid, Naomi."

"Are you angels?"

"We are what you said."

"Can I stay here for a while?"

"No."

"Am I dreaming?"

"Yes."

"It is peaceful here and I am so weary of living this life."

"It's not your time yet, Naomi. God has a work for you to do."

"Can't somebody else do it?"

"No Naomi. You were chosen specifically for this work."

"How can God use someone like me?"

"God looks on the inside but man looks on the outside. He is interested in what you will become. He will strengthen you for the work ahead."

"What work does God want me to do?"

"You will know the task ahead of you in due course."

"How will I know?"

"You must follow your heart desire, Naomi. He has given you emotions and life experiences."

The angels departed leaving Naomi alone again. A still, small voice spoke to Naomi with authority.

"You are my precious child and I am with you always. I have given you power and authority to walk in the path in which I have set out before you. You are to serve Mantel in the ministry. No man shall come against you."

It suddenly occurred to Naomi that God was speaking to her. She could not contain her joy of hearing His words.

"There is so much I want to talk to you about, Lord."

"It is time for you to rest, Naomi. You look tired. I must leave you right now."

"Don't go."

"I cannot stay with you, Naomi. My assignment with you has come to an end."

"Don't tell anyone about me."

It became clearer to Naomi how God was omnipresent. Nothing is hidden from Him. Her past relationship with Phil was not based on love. They were no affairs of the heart between them. Everyone was doing it. She went along with her peers. She didn't want to be teased at college for being called a 'fridge'.

# Thirty-four

Naomi thought how terribly unkind she was to Mantel on the phone. She needed to make it up to him before Jan come offering him a shoulder to cry on. He may find comfort in her arms. It was not too long before Naomi's fears were realized. Jan found Mantel sobbing at his home. Jan patted him on his shoulder and was quite concerned for him as she had never seen him looking so depressed before. Jan walked into a minefield with bombs ready to explode.

"What's wrong, Mantel?"

"I have a speck of dust caught in my eye."

"Hold still man and let me take the speck out of your eye."

"It is okay, Jan."

"No problem, Mantel."

"I said its okay."

"Why are you crying?"

Mantel showed no emotions to Jan on this subject. He wanted to be left alone to lick his wounds. Mantel liked Jan but he felt uncomfortable about discussing his personal life with her. Today was no exception.

"Is it Naomi, Mantel?"

"No."

"She will break your heart like the others.

"What others, Jan?"

"Do you know Naomi and a Denzel Washington lookalike was an item?"

"I would advise you to keep this matter to yourself, Jan."

"She slept with a married man, Mantel."

"The man is adulterer. He is old enough to know better."

"Naomi was not a kid."

"She was vulnerable at the time and that is all behind her now, Jan. Doesn't God say we should forgive each other seventy times seven?"

"Don't make a rush decision that you will regret later, Mantel."

"I love you dearly as a sister but my relationship with Naomi does not concern you."

"It concerns me to see you hurting, Mantel."

"Thank you for supporting me throughout the years, Jan. I am old enough to make my own decision and it's my life."

"I have heard that Phil want to talk to you about the merger."

"What merger?"

"I thought you knew about the merger of our church with the Church Alliance."

"There will be no further talk of merger."

"Do you know Phil is helping himself to the church funds?"

"Yes. Keep it to yourself, Jan. The authorities are dealing with this."

Mantel was angry at the mention of Phil's name. Mantel thought he had a strong and close relationship with Phil. He was wrong. The struggle for power and status had shaken away the very root of their relationship.

"Lets us not discuss the matter any further as it is under investigation," argued Mantel.

"If I was in your shoe, I would have reported Phil to the bishop," demanded Jan.

"I don't want to hear this anymore."

# Thirty-five

The next few hours, Phil arrived at Mantel's house. Phil entered into the reception room looking rather distraught. He had not shaved for two days and his face was showing grey and black stubbles. Phil looked washed out. He was a shadow of himself. Mantel squared up to Phil as two boxers' face each other before the start of round one. Jan moved in between them performing the task of a reluctant referee.

"It will be okay, Jan. There won't be any violence between us."

"Likewise, I'm a man of the cloth and Phil is in no state to fight me."

"Good. I hate the sight of my own blood."

"Don't you worry, Jan? You won't be seeing any blood tonight."

"Mantel, is there a private place we can go to talk?"

"We can have a chat in the Kitchen."

They stared at each other for a few seconds. It was obvious that Mantel was upset with Phil. They moved into the kitchen whilst departing through the living room door.

"A word of advice Phil, before you take the beam out of someone else eyes, take the plank out of your own eyes."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Sort out your own life, Phil."

"My life is fine, Mantel."

"Stop deluding yourself, Phil. Your life is in a total mess and you know it."

On that note Phil was even more agitated by Mantel inquisition of him.

"You think you are Mr. Wonderful. Don't you Mantel?"

"I'm an average guy like anyone else. We are children of God and if that makes me special so be it."

"Has Margaret left you, Phil?"

"No."

"Why have you asked me such a question?"

"Why don't you take a good look at yourself in the mirror?"

"There is nothing wrong with me, Mantel."

"You have a face that would wake up the dead and scare the day light of the living."

"Shout up, Mantel."

"Don't you dare tell me to shout up, Phil?"

"I'm sorry Mantel for being rude. Margaret is away visiting a friend in Birmingham."

"That's good isn't it?"

"Yes. She left her phone behind and I want try to contact her."

"She'll be back. So you don't need to worry yourself about contacting her?"

"I'm not worried about Margaret. But, Birmingham is a big place, Mantel."

"It's a beautiful city."

"I found a telephone number of her friend. It's a Birmingham number. Why don't we try to ring this number?"

"No Phil. She hasn't left you and she will be back soon."

"I dialled the number and all you get is a message saying this telephone number is no longer available please hang up and dial the correct number. How can Margaret do this to me?"

Mantel looked bewildered. Something was just not right. Phil needed to come clean with him about his relationship with Margaret and Naomi.

"Why has Margaret left you, Phil," declared Mantel.

An anxious Phil sat down holding his head despairingly. He's been caught out by Mantel. Phil was now more vulnerable than ever. A pig led to the slaughterhouse. The great Phil was brought down humbly to his knees.

"You must stop playing church with me, Phil because you know what Margaret means to you."

"She is my wife and I've let her down."

"Is there someone else, Phil?"

"Yes. But it is all over."

"Are you saying you were having an affair?"

"Yes. But it's complicated. Leave me alone, Mantel."

"Not until you answer my questions."

Mantel reassured Phil that it was going to be alright.

"Confession is good for the soul, Phil."

"I will explain everything to you at the right time, Mantel."

"I am not going anywhere until you give me an explanation as to what is going on. I will find out sooner or later. I want to hear it from you first. Come clean man," said Mantel.

Phil was now feeling a bit deflated, embarrassed and ashamed with the whole situation.

"How can Margaret do this to me?"

"What has she done to you, Phil?"

"Margaret has packed her bags and left me," claimed Phil.

"I am so sorry to hear that Margaret has left you, Phil" and "It's about time you start speaking the truth."

"It pains me to tell you that I had an affair with Naomi. I was offering her counselling for a few months when her mum went into a care home. At first the relationship between us was absolutely platonic. Margaret and I weren't intimate for ages. We slept in separate rooms."

"I hear you, Phil."

"I feel so ashamed, Mantel."

"I don't need to know, Phil."

"One day I had a blazing argument with Margaret and was filled with rage and I went over to Naomi's to cool down. It was not supposed to happen. She hugged me and one thing led to the other."

"Thank you for sparing me the details."

"It was the first and only time we were intimate. It was a mistake. It never happened again. I'm truly sorry Mantel. I know now that she loves you. I was jealous of your successes whilst my marriage was disintegrating. I wanted to be more like you."

"You must be yourself, Phil. We are all children of God. We are a special people. He has given us every blessing under the sun."

"What about the merger with the church alliance?"

"I think it would bring all the talents and resources together under one roof."

"There is money missing from the church accounts. I have checked the books with the bank and you have made four unauthorized withdrawals. The bank statements do not balance with the books. The church is in deep finance debt and I can't trust you anymore as the church treasurer, Phil."

"I am tendering my resignation as church deacon with full effect from today, Mantel."

"Your resignation has been accepted and the forensic accountants will be contacting you shortly, Phil."

"The merger with the Pentecostal church was manipulated by you to cover up your dishonesty. If you needed money why didn't you ask me?"

"It's hard to ask for help when you are in debt. There is a stigma of mismanaging your money and how people perceive you as ineffectual."

"There is no shame in helping one another."

"Can you turn a blind eye, Mantel?"

"No. Our accountant has gone to the authorities and you will be charge for fraud. I'm truly sorry, Phil. So take care of yourself. You must leave now as I am delivering a sermon on Sunday morning."

"Please don't hate me, Mantel."

"I don't. I have always held you with the highest esteem. All mankind have their fragilities even me. Take care of yourself man. I really mean it."

# Thirty-six

The bright sunlight beamed through the stained glass window illuminating a pile of notes of Sunday sermon. Mantel closed his eyes for a few seconds and felled into a deep sleep again. The call of nature awakened him. He rushed out of his bed throwing the sheets across the room and he just managed to urinate inside the pan. He was still stunned by Phil's revelation about his relationship with Naomi and the ever diminishing church finances.

Mantel kept his eyes on the clock hoping that time would standstill. For the first in his life he wasn't looking forward to going to church and telling the congregation the bad news. He buried his head under the sheets for comfort and he lifted his head out of the sheets on a few occasions to have a peep at the clock. He felled asleep again for a few hours only for the blaring sound of a neighbour's car horn to wake him up. He was running late for Sunday Service. He had a quick wash up and drove to the church in break neck time.

Standing to greet him at the church entrance was Naomi. Jeff, Jill, Jan and Fred were all seated amongst the congregation.

"Hurry up man."

"I thought you went to London, Naomi."

"I thought you needed my support."

"Thank you for coming, Naomi."

"No problem."

"Are you still under investigation?"

"No. I have been exonerated by the local authority and the General Council of Social work. The Crown Prosecution Services have found insufficient evidence to charge me. "

"I am pleased for you, Naomi. It must be a massive relief."

"I can't practice social work without feeling ostracised by the profession."

"What are you going to do with yourself?"

"I'll use my new found wealth to cushion the blow."

"What wealth?"

"I am now the joint owner of a bakery and a number of apartments in Upper Ashworth. Do you remember the elderly lady?"

"Yes. How is she?"

"She went away with my cousin, Erik."

"Where did they go?"

"Barbados."

"She asked me to support you."

"I'm okay. God will provide."

"Yes. He will always provide for us and He will perform in mysterious ways."

They walked down the aisle of the church together with arms interlocked, striding with a purpose, direction, unity, sincerity and in harmony.

"They'll make a lovely couple. Don't you think Pastor Fred," said Sister Edna.

"I don't know about that, Sister Edna."

"Look at them, they're in love."

"Love can't pay the bills, Sister Edna."

"That's something you clearly do know about."

Pastor Fred was clearly incensed by Sister Edna comments but he held his tongue as Mantel climbed up the steps to the platform leading to the brass pulpit angel stand. Mantel ripped up his fully prepared sermon into a shredder. The elders of the church were shocked by Mantel act of defiance. They have always kept to the script. Other members of the congregation cheered him on. He stepped down from the pulpit to be on the ground level with the congregation.

"I have something to say to you all. Deacon Phil has resigned. There is not going to be a merger between ourselves and the Alliance. Church funds are low but our God is big and He will provide the resources for us. He is the one who built this church. Are there any further questions?"

There was a long pause inside of the church. The silent was unusual for a clap hand, stomp dancing and hallelujah church. Fred broke the ice.

"Preach brother, preach."

"I can't preach the word today. My heart is overwhelmed with grief."

"Yes, you can. I have made some serious mistakes with people lives in the past and I hope you will all find it in your hearts to forgive me. I have lived with guilt and shame for a long time. The best thing I have ever done was to pass on the leadership of the church into the safe hands of Pastor Mantel and Brother Jeff. Preach from the heart and soul, Mantel."

"Thank you for your honesty, Pastor Fred. You have demonstrated to us all that there is a need for change. We need to change. We can't go on living our lives like this anymore. I need to change my views on life from God's perspective and you need to change too my brothers and sisters."

"Preach it, brother," shouted Fred.

"We need to change. Does anyone out there want to change? Are you with me?"

The congregation went quiet. No-one wanted to change. They were too old and were settled into their comfort zone.

"There is no need to fear change. Jesus is the life changer. He's still changing lives today. He is not looking for Mr. Perfect or Miss. Perfect. You don't need to fear change. You need to change your attitude towards change."

"I want to talk to the disobedient, the vulnerable and the mentally depressed. God is searching the hearts of his people the grateful, the unfaithful, the lost, the broken hearted, the weak and the prosecuted. Do you hear me?"

"We hear you, brother," replied Margret.

"We need to change, amen."

"Yes," answered Sister Edna.

"We need to change. We need to change from relying on our strength. We need to change by trusting in the God who is ordering our steps. Amen!"

"Amen, pastor," shouted Elder Jack.

"We need to change our life style from being a half-baked depressed Christian to becoming the sons or daughters of the king. Are you with me?"

"Yes man," shouted Elder Jack.

"We need to change from having a mediocre outlook on life to having an excellent spirit like that of Joshua and Caleb. Do you hear me, church?"

"We hear you, pastor."

"We need to change our negative attitude and hopeless thinking. Where there is doubt, we will replace it with faith. Where there is hate, we will exchange it with love. Are you listening to me, brethren's?"

"We need to change from storing up all of our treasures on earth where robbers and thieves can steal and destroy them and we must set our sights on things above. I am not saying we don't need money to buy goods and services. We need to earn a living but not at the expense of neglecting God's work. We need to end the service with a prayer."

"Help us father to recognize that we need to be more like your son. We've made mistakes along the way. We have lived with those past hurts and heartaches for far too long. We want to forgive and love our enemies, our employers, and workmates. We ask you lord to restore our relationships with our wives and husbands as Christ loved and died for the church. We are more than able to overcome our circumstances. We have a vision to love and help the widow, the fatherless, the homeless and our neighbours, and the poor in our society. Amen."

"Let us say the Lord's prayer together before we depart and go our separate ways?"

Jeff made a dash to the pulpit waving his hands furiously into the air to get Mantel attention.

"Mantel," shouted Jeff.

"What is it, Jeff?"

"We have some good news."

"Yes."

"God has blessed us with a cheque for twenty thousand pounds," whispered Jeff who was trying to avoid the limelight.

"We have some wonderful news to share with you all. Can I have your attention please? Just when we were heading for closure God stepped in with an alternative plan. He has provided us with sufficient funds to refurbish the church building. Put your hands together and give the Lord a praise offering."

Members of the congregation rose to their feet and shouted at the top of their voices. The money will be going towards covering the cost of adapting the building for wheel chair users to comply with the Disability Discrimination Act 2005.

"Let us now depart from one another with the peace and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ who is with us forevermore."

Mantel raced towards the entrance of the church to greet each parishioner with a handshake. His eyes were especially focused on Naomi. She immersed eventually out of the pew having been questioned and interrogated by Sister Edna's daughters. She walked joyfully towards Mantel as if he was the only person in the building while Mantel extended his right hand to her. They hugged each other under the surveillance of Fred who was not too impressed.

"Watch it, mate," and "She's still my daughter," said Pastor Fred.

Mantel and Naomi shared a friendly and opened smile together under the watchful gaze of Jan.

"You preached a good sermon, son. But don't you get any ideas about Naomi?"

"I am not," laughed Mantel.

"Don't they make a lovely couple, Pastor Fred?" enthused Sister Edna.

"You said that before."

"Well, why don't you admit it?"

"Okay. So they do."

"Naomi is no longer a child. She is a grown woman. Just look at her."

Mantel waited for a few minutes until almost everyone had left the church building. He was nervous and trembling inside before he opened up his heart to Jan who was standing next to Naomi.

"I want to marry you, Jan."

"Congratulation to you both," said Naomi.

"Thank you, Naomi."

Naomi turned around to her dad with tears filled eyes. He was receptive to her. She was his little girl once again. He was unhappy with Mantels marriage proposal to Jan.

Mantel felt a little bit of unease with himself as he stared at Fred and Naomi holding each other.

Jill returned to the church sobbing on Jeff's shoulder. Everyone was crying.

"What is it, Jill?" asked Mantel.

"Jayne's missing."

Dedicated to loving memory of my father Harry Douglas and in-laws Ned and Ethlyn Edwards we miss you all.

# Acknowledgements

I acknowledge the dedication of the first generation of West Indian migrants who worked diligently in Britain's hospitals, transportation and industries. They conducted themselves with extreme dignity, resilience, determination and sacrifice to make our burdens a little lighter. Like Abraham, our elders were God fearing and brave to leave the comfort and familiarity of their birthplace and families to journey into the unknown.

My parents like most of the other elderly migrants who came and settled into English society, wanted to improve their living standards. They are great life mentors for us all - a big thank you to mum, dad, Audrey and Maud.

And finally but not forgotten my wife who has been an inspiration in encouraging me to complete this project. The poem below is for you, my sweetie.

Awake my love out of despair and strife,

God has a good plan for your life.

Don't you ever give up the fight!

Sometimes you may feel ostracized,

but remember, you have a host of angels recruited to act on your side,

they will destroy your enemy's pride.

My sweetie, don't you ever forget the scriptures,

His love for you is steadfast and sure and you will always be his treasure.

