Did you come here to be entertained?
That's good, it's a good idea
Laughing is important...especially now
Plus l read recently that a good laugh is worth a good steak
Which is why vegetarians always pout
I don't know why they throw us this kind of info mind you...
..or they should do something with it, like send clowns to Africa
Or we could have an iphone app, 'send your laugh to Africa'
You're at a party, you take out your phone, you laugh, and it's sent straight to Africa
..and it's transmitted in Bamako through giant speakers
The little African kid hears the laugh...it's like a steak.
And laughing's contagious so he laughs too, it blows the flies away...everyone's happy
We can do things...l mean...l'm not really feeling well at the moment
Not at all, actually
I just came out of a relationship with a narcissistic pervert...
Isn't that what women say when they get dumped these days?
And l turned 37 recently...it's hard, l really fall into that scary category
..of single women, with no kids..ovaries that must look like Francois Hollande
One more president joke won't make much difference
tic-toc-tic-toc, it's hard, my friends have 2 or 3 kids...
Writing's on the wall...
There's a good side to it though, at least l don't have a monster drooling all over me
..and l'm not talking about their kids
..and l don't pee my pants when l laugh too hard
Outside of those 2 great things, my life sucks ass
I read a lot...when l'm bored l read
I stumbled on feminist writers, Simone de Beauvoir...l didn't know them before
It's comforting, to know there are women who led full lives despite not being married
And l realised my beliefs are very fragile, l'm easily swayed
Cause before l didn't like feminism, it even made me a little angry
And l read 2 books and l'm totally into it...so l better not read 'Mein Kampf'
Anyway it's quite sad...to get back on the market at 37
There's no more romance, it's over, we don't look for our soulmate anymore
We look for a 'soul loner', if there are any left...
And you can see men's vices at play...when you have some experience...
The other day l had a drink with some guy, nothing had happened, but there was a little tension
He was playing mister perfect, which can be nice when it's subtle
He says : the thing l like most in life, is giving massages... I could do it all day
Give me candles, essential oils, soft music, it's a highway to heaven, l can massage for hours
Do you like being massaged? Or not at all...
Well, no, obviously, like 99% of women l hate being massaged
On the other hand l love being taken for a fool so you just scored a point
Like l didn't know that once we fuck, massages are going to be like a new currency
Right? Men love giving massages the first week
I feel like we're an ointment, with instructions : rub until penetration, then you can just give it up
You gotta stop with those pick up lines...
The gig is up...we know it's only valid for 2 spontaneous massages
Maybe 3, if the guy's a real pig, and he has to make an extra effort to be accepted
I don't like getting into this, but women are far less hypocritical, and have more class
I think it's safe to say no man here has ever been flirted with like :
"The thing l love most in life, is to suck a nice dick
Oh l could do it all day, you put a dick in my mouth, a cushion under my knees,
..and football in the background, it's a highway to heaven ; l suck, and suck, and suck...
Do you like being sucked, or not at all?
No, we don't do that, we're less hypocritical, because blowjobs will also become a currency
..within the relationship. That will cost about 2 massages.
No actually, a lot more than that, l think blowjobs are a major weapon of negotiation
It has a lot of power. A regular guy (not my ex), a normal guy, to keep him
it's pretty simple, even binary: you piss him off, you suck him off, you piss him off, you suck him off,
He will stay
Even if you bitch bitch bitch, then suck suck suck...he stays. It's magic.
They actually have a technique to express when they've reached their limit
"You suck!"... it's not present tense...
it's an imperative, it's an order.
It's the last warning before he leaves
You have to really hear that moment, and you have to not have eaten too much beforehand
because you really gotta put your back into it
So, speaking of fellatio
Could you guys stop putting your hand on our head to indicate the direction...of travel...
It's pretty humiliating, because we know the direction
It's pretty simple, there's a cylinder, a round hole...
Even a 4 year old trisomic monkey would know. It's humiliating...really
Where does that come from? Like nobody ever sucked you like this :
Apart from Gilbert Montagné or Ray Charles
And also, to not tell us...at a time where we can't easily answer you, "it's good huh?
You love it"...if it was good, it would be a well-known fact, there would be dick-flavored Mr.Freeze pops
Thank you, I'm Blanche
