

# #ExposeTheFreak

Alexandra Jean

Copyright 2018 Alexandra Jean

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited.

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything or anyone living (or dead) is unintentional. The author humbly begs your pardon.

To 20-year-old Alex, and to all 20-year-old females navigating their sex lives. Have fun, be safe, and fuck all the rules they tell you to follow.
Chapter 1

For some reason, I thought the first time would be better. I don't know why but I thought that it would be just like the movies. You know what I'm talking about. The candles, soft music, and a lover who would know what to do with my body. Someone who was so well verse in the art of lovemaking, that even though I am a virgin-- I mean was a virgin, it would be the best time for both of us; but here I am. How did I end up here? Lying flat on my back, with some sweaty dude on top of me, his eyes closed as if he was doing some tricks, and me wondering when it was all going to be over.

I can't say that I rushed this. I'm 19 losing my virginity. Do you know how rare it is for a girl from Brooklyn New York to be a 19-year-old virgin? You have a better chance winning the lottery twice. All my friends lost their virginities by the age of 16 and I was holding out for something better. Everyone who really didn't know me swore I wasn't a virgin though. They saw my shaped thighs, hips, breasts, and ass and they (mostly men), assumed that I wasn't a virgin. They thought that when I told them I was a virgin that it was some sort of cute ploy or maybe even foreplay. Just something I said so that I wouldn't seem like a slut or a ho. It didn't seem possible to them because I wasn't the stereotypical "virgin". I wasn't built like one and I didn't shy away in the corner when the topic of sex came about. But I was, until now, 100% a virgin.

My virginity was something I held sacred...well until now. I would love to say that this lackluster performer, who is on top of me, is the love of my life, but he's not. I can't even say he's the love of my week. He's just a guy I met online one night when I was really bored. He was a sweet talker and a charmer and I knew the minute we finally laid eyes on each other, that he wanted to have sex with me. When we exchanged pictures, it became evident that he thought I was attractive and I thought he was pretty cute. I didn't think of him sexually because he was just something to entertain me in my boredom. I honestly didn't take him seriously at all. It wasn't until we started really talking to each other that I saw his intentions. The conversations between us started out innocent, but after meeting me it became more and more explicit. He didn't beat around the bush.

"You'd know what I'd love to do to you?" He smiled as we walked around Prospect Park.

"What?" I was trying to seem interested but I was really hungry and was hoping to bump into a restaurant. Besides, what could he love to do to me anyway? We barely knew each other.

"Get in between those legs." He peered down, grinning ear to ear, as if what he said was the compliment I was starving for.

"Oh stop." I replied in a playful voice but I was all too serious. Why do men think that the fact that they want to fuck you is some sort of praise?

"You're gorgeous." He reached over and stroked my face softly, pushing my hair behind my ear. "I love your hair."

"Thank you; it's Brazilian." I laughed and when he didn't join along, I knew he didn't get the joke...therefore he didn't get me.

This mediocrity continued for months and I was going to write him off but he caught me at a low point. I was working at the hair salon, where I am a receptionist, when this young lady walked in. She was gorgeous. She was a darker shade of brown than I was, with a cute short bob with bangs, a Coca-Cola shaped body, and a dazzling smile. She came to the desk, smiled at me, and removed her sunglasses. Her eyes were magnetic. They had to be because no matter what I did, I couldn't pull myself away.

"Hello, is Mandy in?" She asked and I had to remind myself to speak.

"No, none of the stylists are in right now. The trains have been hectic all day ever since that water main break. I am just here to reschedule the appointments and then I'm closing the shop." I explained finally breaking my stare and looking back at the computer.

"Damn." She muttered after she sighed. "I heard about the water main thing but I was hoping that it didn't affect anything here." She rolled her eyes and then looked back down at me. "You wouldn't happen to know how to do hair, would you?" She laughed and I did as well. It was a question I have heard a million times. If you're a female and in a salon, naturally customers assume you know how to do hair. One look at me and they pictured walking out of here looking like Beyoncé.

"Not really. All I can do is wash hair, condition, and maybe put some curlers in." I immediately started downplaying my skills. I didn't want to do anything, plus she was making me so nervous. Just being around her made me feel like I was back in high school.

"Great! That's exactly what I needed to be done." Her face glowed even more.

"I was just about to close..." I reminded her.

"Please, I'm so desperate." She stuck out her lower lip.

"Fine." I gave in. "But wait for me to close up, so that no one else can come in."

"Thank you." She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. It tingled all the way down to my toes. "I'm just going to sit right here and charge my phone if that's not a problem."

I didn't answer her. I just went outside, took the signs down, switched over the sign to "close", turned off the entrance light, and then locked the door. When I walked back in, she had her sweater off, kicked off her shoes, and was looking at her phone. I took a deep breath and motioned for her to have a seat at the sink. I began to wrap the cape around her, but she stopped me as she took off her shirt and threw it towards her things.

"I don't want it to get wet." She explained while I forced myself to not look at her body. I had to just focus on her hair.

"Ok... "I drifted off. I took another deep breath in and just concentrated on my work.

I washed and conditioned her hair, put in some deep conditioner and had her wait under the dryer for a while. After I rinsed it all out, I dried her hair, put in some curls, and pinned everything up. The whole time we talked about celebrity drama, neighborhood changes, reality TV, and light on the politics. When I finished, she smiled, jumped up, and hugged me. I felt warm all over and in my head, I was screaming "Please let me go".

"You did such a great job!" She beamed. I nodded and began to clean up my station. While I was doing that, I could see her in the corner of my eye, taking pictures of herself for social media. She then started to get dressed and made her way back towards me.

"Thank you again. What is your name?"

"Cleo."

"Like the psychic Ms. Cleo?" She laughed.

"Yeah." I smiled. Not the first time I heard that one.

"Well...Cleo, thank you for everything." She reached into her wallet. "I know it's usually $30, but I'm giving you this because you did such a great job. Also, I know you're just the receptionist." She handed me three crisp $20 bills.

"Thank you."

"No thank you." She reached over and kissed my cheek.

When she pulled away, we were both staring at each other. We weren't saying anything and I focused on my breathing. Out of nowhere, she leaned in and kissed my lips. I wanted to push myself away, but that hand instead pulled her in closer. Next thing I knew we were making out, I'm squeezing her ass, while she pushed me against the wall. She started to kiss my neck, all the down to my chest. She had one hand fondling me, while the other was slowly making its way between my legs. I shifted it away and just laced our fingers together. She started to unzip my shirt, when I stopped her.

"I don't think we should." I said softly. "I don't think I-"

"I'm sorry." She cut me off. "I just had a feeling so I went with it." She pulled away from me and when our fingers unlaced, we just looked at each other.

"Maybe you should go." The words forced themselves out of me.

"Ok."

While she was gathering her things, I composed myself. Everything in me was racing and I needed it to settle down. I walked her to the door and the silence was really thick. I unlocked the door to let her out and watched her walk away.

"Wait." I was suddenly calling out to her. She turned around and walked back to me. "You never told me your name."

"Julia." She smiled. It was silent again. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small business card. "If you ever want to...just talk." She handed me the card. When I looked back up at her, she was already way down the block.

I went back into the salon after I locked the door. There was no sign of her, yet I was still looking out the window. What was I expecting? Did I want her to return? And if she did, what did I want us to do? These thoughts were drowning me. I just needed to breathe a little so that I know what I'm doing. I turned off all the lights and sat in the dark for a few minutes. I couldn't believe what just happened.

To be completely honest with myself I knew that I was always somewhat attracted to women. When I was younger I got all too excited when I watched soap opera love scenes. It was the soft lighting and the women appearing naked and I didn't want to be the woman, I wanted to be with her. Then when I was in high school, I was studying in the school's library. I heard people whispering and murmuring at the computer section. I tiptoed around the small crowd and saw it was a group of boys checking out lesbian porn. I'd never seen woman-on-woman action before. I was always curious but I guess I was too afraid to explore that side of me. So, I just tucked those thoughts away.

As the boys watched, I felt myself get more and more turned on. The way they touched each other, kissed each other, taste each other, all of it just struck a chord deep within me. I kept on peeking and next thing I knew I could feel all eyes on me.

"You like what you see?" One of the boys said and the rest chuckled. I froze. They were all staring at me, wondering what I was doing there. They probably wanted to know if I was gay, straight, or bi. How could I answer a question that I haven't even bothered to ask myself?

"You guys are so disgusting. This is a library at school. You shouldn't be watching shit like that here." I said in a huff. I rolled my eyes at them, gathered my things, and left. Later that day I went home, made sure that my parents weren't around, and turned on the computer. I went on the website that they were on and watched the same lesbian porn from beginning to end.

Sitting in that salon, still reeling from what occurred, my phone started to vibrate. It was a text message from Mr. Internet.

"What you doing?" It read. It is two in the afternoon, of course I'm at fucking work.

"Just wrapping up work." I texted back.

"Wanna hang out?" Every time we "hung out", it became more and more clear that he wanted to have sex with me. What was I waiting for? For a woman to claim my virginity as hers?

"Sure."

I met him in front of Prospect Park. As he parked his car and stepped out, I looked him over. He was tall with broad shoulders built like a football player. His mocha brown skin, stocky build, and low-cut haircut is what hooked me in. I love guys that looked like that could throw me around and have fun with me in the bedroom, yet I never tried it out.

His eyes lit up when they met mine. I reached up and hugged him. We started the small talk about the weather getting warmer. He kept looking me over and was smiling.

"What's up?" I finally asked.

"Nothing." He laughed. "You're just gorgeous." I smiled at his confession because it felt sincere.

"Thank you."

"I wonder how you feel." And just like that...we were back at zero.

"How nice." I said through my teeth. "Let's go for a walk and see where we go from there."

We went back to small talk and I was staring off into space. I wasn't really listening, but just hearing enough that I could participate as little as I could. Looking around, all we could see were couples walking hand-in-hand. When a lesbian couple passed me, I stared at them. There was something about the way that their hands were laced together that reminded me of Julia. I followed the couple with my eyes as they exited the park. Mr. Internet was all too entranced in the small talk that he never noticed that I clocked out.

"So, when can I kiss you?" He asked breaking me out of my trance.

"What?"

"It's been a while and I've never kissed you."

"Oh yeah." I've finally noticed.

"So?" He chuckled. I looked over and smiled then I pecked his lips. When I pulled away, he whispered: "Is that it?" We moved in and started making out. He was kissing me and I felt his hand slide down my back and squeeze my ass. I jumped up and pulled away.

"Not so fast." He sighed and gave me a smirk and we continued to walk in Prospect Park.

We were there for hours. We stopped walking and eventually sat on the grass. He started telling me about being a manager at a local office supply store. He told me about crazy customer requests and how they wanted to be accommodated for them. I was laughing the whole time and I felt at ease. When he slid over and kissed my cheek, I felt calm and it felt right. I let him grope me and sat on top of him. I didn't realize that we were getting hot and heavy. I was dry riding on top of him and his hands were firmly on my ass squeezing it for dear life. I started biting his neck and grinding his crotch. When I felt him rise against me, I came up for air. I was so turned on that it shocked me.

"You want to take this to my place?" He asked with his hands still squeezing my ass.

"Yes please." I whispered.

When we arrived at his place, it dawned on me what I was about to do. I don't know if I was naive or was it that I wasn't thinking of what I seemingly agreed to, but suddenly I was nervous. Even on the car ride over, with one hand on his thigh, it didn't hit me as hard as it did until I was sitting on his couch. I realized that not only was I a virgin but I was in virgin territory. I've never been alone with a man at his own place. Sitting on his couch while he was in the kitchen, I was wiping my sweaty palms on my tight jeans. He walked in with two cans of Ginger Ale and a tray of strawberries.

"I know it isn't much but here you go." He placed everything on the coffee table that was in front of us.

"No, it's cool." I opened one can of soda and brought it to my lips.

"So..."

"Yes?"

"Here we are."

"Yes?" I turned to him. "What's up?"

"You tell me?" He licked his lips and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Was this him trying to put the moves on me? Ugh.

"Let's just see where this goes." I took a huge gulp.

"Cool, no rush." He took out a remote for the TV and he switched it on.

We started watching bullshit reality tv and for a second, I forgot where I was. It felt nice just to hang out with a friend or even just be with someone on friendly terms. There wasn't such a pressure of sex so I put my leg on top of his and thought nothing of it. We were laughing and having fun. His friend kept sending him text messages as we were relaxing interrupting our good time.

"Why does he keep hitting you up?" I asked as he sighed looking at his phone again.

"He just wants to borrow my hair clippers."

"Why don't you just cut his hair some other time?"

"Just like me, he knows how to cut his own hair but, he's just going to have to wait another time to borrow them. Right now, all my time is invested in you."

For some reason, I leaned in and kissed his lips. He placed his hands on the small of my back and pulled me in. I rolled my head back so that he could kiss my neck. His kisses traveled further than my neck though. He was getting down to the middle of my chest when his phone vibrated again.

"What?" He answered in a gruff tone. I heard a male voice reply. "I'm busy. Come for it later man." He rolled his eyes as the voice continued to babble on. I looked down at his crotch. I don't know why, but it called to me. My hand brushed against it and he gave me smirk. I started rubbing on it even harder. He hissed as quietly as he could. I felt his erection through his jeans so I unzipped and slid my hand through. I don't know why I felt so brave, but I just wanted to continue touching him. I wanted him to squirm and move around just because I touched him. This guy is built like he plays for the NFL, yet a small touch from me was making him buckle. It was quite a sight to see. I lightly squeezed over his underwear and he moved in his seat. I leaned in and nibbled on his neck.

"Yo, I'm gonna have to call you back. I told you that I had someone over here." The voice was replying again. I grabbed his face, pulled it towards mine, and kissed him deeply. He used his free hand to squeeze my ass and then he spanked it lightly. He pulled away and turned his attention to the phone. "Whatever. I don't care." He hung up on his friend and threw his phone across the room.

He kissed me long and hard and stood me up. He took my hand and started to walk me towards his bedroom. My heart started racing again. Was this really happening? The bedroom? It seems so...adult? Was I really ready for this? And was I ready to do this with him?

When he opened the door, he was kissing all over me. He sat me on the bed and knelt down to take off my shoes. When he came back up he reached for the button of my jeans. He unfastened it, zipped it down, and then slowly slid it off. The air hitting my skin felt unusual. It felt new and strange. It was like I never felt air hit me like this before. Everything felt brand new and weird. He went for the hem of my underwear. He was pulling it off slowly but then I stopped him.

"Wait." I was holding it up. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I don't think I was ready for someone else besides my doctor to see ...that.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know." I really didn't. I wasn't sure what was going on with me. I wanted to do it, but another part of me was very puzzled.

"Ok?" He looked confused. I took a deep breath in. Sex is a big deal and I should wait for someone special, but I really want to know what it's like. Is it as great as the movies make it seem? Is it as great as the ladies on the soap operas made it seem? Where was my candles? Where was my soft lighting?

"Alright go ahead." I let go of my boyshorts and he slid it off quickly. I looked at his face, trying to read it, and I saw him smile and stare. "What is it? You don't like it? I heard some guys like it with hair but I've always shaved mine off clean. Is it okay?" What the fuck am I saying? Look at his eyes, he obviously doesn't care about whether it's shaved or not.

"Calm down, it's beautiful." He leaned over and gave it a soft peck. I jumped up. He chuckled and was on top of me kissing me.

He kissed my chin and went all the way down my neck to my chest. He started to take off my top and at the same time he used one of his knees to gently open my legs.

"Be careful." I reminded him in between kisses.

"I know." He was now in his dresser fumbling around, but then the doorbell rang. "What the fuck?" He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. When did he get naked? I watched him as he walked out the bedroom and went towards the door. I leaned to the side so that I could get a glimpse of what was going on. I looked towards the door and saw a male figure there.

"Yo man, I really need those clippers." And this must be his annoying friend that was texting earlier. "What you wearing?" He judged his friend's clothing...or lack thereof. This guy might be a little slow.

"What the fuck does it look like I'm wearing? Didn't I tell you that I was busy?"

"Oh shit." His friend looked past him and he saw me. Me, Cleo, in bed with no panties on. I pulled a blanket over me quickly and hoped I was far enough where he couldn't see anything.

"No shit." I could feel him give that cheesy smirk from here.

Seconds later he closed the door on his friend and came back to the bedroom.

"My bad." He apologized.

"It's okay." I was actually glad for the little break. He came back on top of me kissing me and had one hand placed right on top of my pussy. His touch was surprisingly making me warm all over. How could he go from being corny to turning me on? Is that how lust works? The next thing I knew I was opening my legs myself. I actually wanted him inside of me. I wanted to know how it would feel like. He must have picked up on my cue because he went to the nightstand and started to fumble around again. He pulled out a condom, leaned to his side, and put it on. He looked me in the eyes and I nodded my head letting him know it was okay.

The first attempt to put it in was a complete failure. It hurt way too much. He tried to go in slow but it was almost as if my vagina was rejecting him. My pussy must have a bouncer out in front and was like, "Nah" to his dick, because that's how it felt. Each time he tried to even nudge it in, I howled in pain. Finally, I told him to let me turn around and have him put it in from behind. Maybe if I didn't see him do it, it would be more successful. I closed my eyes and he thrust his way inside me.

"AH FUCK!" I screamed.

"Sssh, baby calm down." He was kissing the back of my neck now but I didn't care. Every time he pumped in and out of me, I cried out in pain.

"You're hurting me." I whined as I hugged the pillow.

"Turn over, turn over. I just wanted to open you up."

"I don't think I can take any more pain."

"It gets better."

I was flat on my back and he started all over again. This time it wasn't so tough to go in. It went in a little bit more smoothly. He was pumping in and out, but I felt nothing. I could just feel him move in and out of me, but I wasn't feeling as sexy as I thought I should. I was waiting for me to feel like I had to curl my toes, but it never came. The uncontrollable urge to scream in pleasure that I've seen a million times before on tv, never popped up either. None of the things I saw on TV or in the movies were true. I didn't feel like I thought I should. Maybe I should have waited for the candles and the soft lighting.

He kept going on and on. He was groaning and moaning, and I was silent. Couldn't he tell that I wasn't into this? Couldn't he tell that I checked out? I was silent and it was like he had to make noise to make up for the both of us. I felt pitiful so I contemplated faking it, but I didn't know how to start. Should I be over the top porno? Should I be sweet and sexy like the soap operas? Should I moan up to five times and wait for this whole thing to be over? I looked up at him and saw that he was sweating.

"Are you hot?"

"No..."

"Then why are you sweating?"

"I'm putting in that work." He boasted and whatever little attraction I had went away.
Chapter 2

It was a long walk home after that disaster. He offered to drop me off but when his friend kept blowing up his phone, I opted to walk home. I told him I wanted to walk off the soreness and he smiled. The fact that he smiled was like the nail in the coffin to me. He thought that it was a compliment but I was actually complaining. I felt this sore and I didn't even enjoy the sex! So, I was glad that I decided to walk home. The reality is that a long walk always cleared my mind. My mind was racing and I need to steady myself. The time to myself would help me out profoundly.

The cool night air felt great against my skin. Looking up into the sky, the stars were barely out. That's the bad thing about living in New York City; the light pollution ruins the night sky. I went to Georgia one summer and I was shocked at the difference. The stars in the sky lit up the whole night whereas in New York, the billboards lit up the night. On my walk home, I found a bench and just sat there and stared at the sky. For centuries, people often looked to the sky for the answer, maybe I'll find mine.

"Hey there beautiful." A male voice said sitting next to me. I sighed and looked over at him. He was almost built like my lackluster lover except he was little bit leaner, he had lighter skin, and a pierced eyebrow. The pierce eyebrow threw me off. I don't know why it did but maybe it's because I wasn't expecting to see a pierced eyebrow. Anyway, he smiled at me and I felt myself automatically smile back. There was something about him that was way more inviting than I anticipated. All that tension I had was immediately gone. How could he do this?

"How are you this evening?" He asked me.

"I'm fine and yourself?"

"I'm better now and thank you for asking. So, what brings you out tonight?"

"Just a bit of stargazing." I confessed and I was shocked. How did he get me to tell him that? Why was I still talking to this stranger?

"Yeah it's a pretty decent night for them." He tilted his head up to the sky. "Around here it doesn't do them any justice though."

"I know, all that New York City light pollution."

"That's so true, but I wasn't talking about that. I was thinking that you can probably see them much better in Prospect Park. The lights are a bit softer out there so the stars really come out."

"I was there earlier today."

"No, you have to go there when it's darker." His eyes lit up. "I use to always go there when I was in high school."

"And how long ago was that?" He laughed at my question. "What?"

"Is this your way of asking my age?"

"Just trying to get some general information about you. You did just plop yourself right next to me."

"Well I didn't really plop. I sat down nice and neat; you know like a gentleman."

"Are you saying that you're a gentleman?"

"Something like that."

"So how about some basic info?"

"Such as?"

"You're not dumb, you know what I'm saying." He chuckled and flashed a grin.

"Fine. My name is Smith and I'm 22."

"Hello 22-year-old Smith. I'm 19-year-old Cleo."

"You're very beautiful Cleo."

"Thank you."

There was a silence between us but it wasn't awkward. We were just staring at the stars together. It didn't feel weird that I was stargazing with this stranger. What felt weird was that it didn't feel weird. It was unnatural how natural this felt between us.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I finally spoke.

"I'm telling you this is nothing compared to Prospect Park." He kept going on.

"I was just there not too long ago." I said again. "Remember?"

"You never told me what you were doing there."

"You didn't ask."

"May I ask what you were doing there?"

"Ooh, you said 'may I'! You just might be a gentleman for real." We both started laughing. "I was there on a date."

"It went well?"

"Ended horribly."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"No, you're not. Now you think you have a chance." I looked at him right in his face.

"Oh, I think I always had a chance." He replied in such a cocky manner that I couldn't help but laugh. "But honestly, you have to go to Prospect Park and see what I'm talking about."

"Like right now?"

"If you want to."

"I thought the park closed at a specific time. It's almost midnight."

"Well the park usually closes around 1:00 a.m., but that's never stopped people being in there before. Sometimes people are there even later. The trick is to not get caught."

"You sure know a lot. So, we won't get in trouble?"

Smith stood up and looked down towards me.

"C'mon girl and stop being scared."

"I don't even know you." I crossed my arms.

"You want to see these stars or not?"

With that said, we were off. Smith hailed a cab and we were by the park within minutes. He took my hand and led me deeper into the park. If the trees could speak, they would probably wonder who this new guy was with me. Smith was off explaining about stars and I couldn't stop replaying scenes of my hot make out sessions from earlier. Every step that I took, I could feel the boring lover's hands all over me. Nothing but fingers gripping me, pulling me, and groping me. I tried to live in the here and now with Smith, but what I tried to walk away from, made itself very present.

Smith was now raving about the skies and I could feel my legs start to wobble. There was a numbness in the pit of my stomach. It didn't hurt but it didn't feel great either. I tried to ignore it but then the next thing I knew I was kneeling in the grass. That same numb pain turned sharp and it was getting worse. Smith came down to my side and I kept shaking my head and telling him that I was fine before he could ask me any questions. I just stood up and gritted through my teeth once again pretending that everything was okay. I looked over at him and saw that he wasn't buying it. He led me out of the park and walked me to the nearest place to eat.

"What's going on?" He asked as I sat down slowly at the fast food joint. The bright lights were too much and the smell of the food was making me sick.

"Nothing."

"Cleo, I may not know you but I can tell you're not telling the truth. Your face tells it all. You're in a lot of pain."

"It's no big deal. Just some cramping." I truthfully said wondering how he could read my expressions so easily. Mr. Internet knew me much longer than he did, but as it turned out, he didn't know me at all. I was leaning against the table for strength.

"This isn't right." He held my face. "You want to go to the emergency room?"

I didn't mean to but I started to chuckle a little bit. What was I going to tell them? That I was suffering some side effects from bad sex? Wait, no correction; bad first-time sex. I'm sure they'll look at me and try to be sympathetic but all the while thinking "This bitch is wasting our time."

"I'm fine Smith." I assured him looking into his eyes.

"I'm going to order you something to eat." He looked towards the front and glossed over the menu. "And then I'm taking you home."

The thought of my overbearing and nosy mom watching me crawl in was enough to make the pain intensify. I'd rather go sleep at Prospect Park.

"No, just take me to my cousin's house. She lives a few blocks away from here."

Sitting in the cab, Smith held my hand and his fingers did light circles in my palm every now and again. I grimaced in pain and when he looked concern, I flashed him a small grin. It was comforting to me to see how much he cared. He seemed to invest a lot into me for such a short time that we knew each other. He was telling the cabbie to drive carefully because I wasn't feeling well. He even made the cab pull over so that he could purchase some Advil and ginger ale. I smiled at the irony. Tonight's horrible sexcapade had managed to land me in front of a decent guy. Someone up there sure has a sense of humor.

When the cab stopped in front of my cousin's building, I saw that she was already downstairs waiting. Smith was holding the door open for me and reaching to get me out. I put my hand within his and grunted as I stood up.

"Ugh." I groaned in pain and my cousin, Emmy, was by my side. I had texted her earlier letting her know I was coming over and naturally she accepted me with open arms.

"Damn Cleo, what happened?" She asked holding me by my hips and guiding me on the pavement.

"It's a long story." I motioned my head towards Smith. "This is Smith, Emmy"

"Hey." He nodded her way. "You got her?"

"Yes, I do. Thank you for bringing her here and everything."

"It's no problem." He reached out towards me. "I know this is awkward and everything, but I never got the chance to give you my number."

"Grab my phone out of my pocket and hand it to him Em." I requested. Smith smiled as he put his number in and gave the phone back. "Thanks for everything."

"I told you when I met you that I was something like a gentleman." He gave me that big smile again and he got back in the cab.

Once inside the apartment I made my way to the bathroom. I just wanted to pee, splash some cold water on my face, and then go sleep for a million years. I pulled my bottoms down, lowered myself to the seat, and sat. I looked down and nearly gasped when I saw all of the blood. I kicked off my jeans and underwear and threw them into a bucket that was in the bathtub. I turned on the water and threw some laundry detergent inside. I let my bottoms soak and then I threw the rest of my clothes off and got in the shower. I turned the hot water to the maximum and let the scalding hot water hit me. I started to soap myself as hard as I could under the water.

"How are you going to take a shower without telling me? Did you bring a towel in there?" My cousin knocked on the other side of the door. I heard the door open and a rush of cool air came in. "Cleo, have you lost your fucking mind. What the fuck are you doing? The water is too hot! You're going to burn yourself!" She reached in and turned down the hot water and added some cold water. "Yo, what's going on with you?'

"I had sex today."

"Really?! Her eyes opened wide. She ran out the room and ran back in with a towel. "Rinse and then come out to tell me the story."

I was wearing a t-shirt with some sweatpants. The bleeding had managed to stop but I still put a pad on. We were sitting in the living room floor when I spilled the beans about going to Prospect Park, making out with Mr. Virginity Taker, having awful sex with him, and then bumping into Smith. Emmy laughed at the end of the story. It was a slow giggle but then it exploded out of nowhere. Without meaning to, I started to laugh along with her.

"I still don't understand why I was in such pain." I wondered out loud. "Why was it that I didn't feel it before?"

"You know I really can't answer that question, being the only virgin and all. I guess if I had to take a shot at an answer I would say that when you were with Smith, your body relaxed, and it finally felt all that pain from earlier." I shrugged my shoulders at her explanation although it made perfect sense to me.

My phone was vibrating and I saw that it was my...lover. I rolled my eyes. Now it was time to start my favorite game, "I'm going to ignore you until you get the clue." This night proved that I trying to force something to happen wasn't the brightest move. I needed to leave him alone. I needed time to think about me and only concentrate on me.

"So, what are you going to do about Smith?" My cousin stood up and walked to the sofa.

"I don't want to be that chick that bounces from one guy to the other."

"Oh gosh Cleo...get out of your head. You think too much. What's the problem with talking to the guy? Or, what's the issue if you two start to date?" She crossed her arms.

One of the advantages of having very sexually active friends is that you can live your love life through them. I've seen my friends jump from dick-to-dick and have the same problems over and over again. I don't want to end up like that. Sitting at home and binge-watching chick flicks on Netflix wondering where it all went wrong. I need to take out time for me, but then again, I should at least thank him for what he did.

"Smith?" I sent out a text message and immediately flung my phone away from me. Why am I doing this? I shouldn't be rushing into anything. I got up from the floor and started to make my way towards the kitchen. The phone vibrating on the floor caught my attention. I was intent on ignoring it, but it kept vibrating and vibrating so I gave into my curiosity. I saw that he sent me several text messages.

"I'm so glad you hit me up. I've been thinking about you ever since I got in the cab. It's crazy how I can't get my mind off of you. Even before things went south, I was fascinated. When I saw you sitting on the bench, I just knew that I had to talk to you and I'm glad that I did. Whenever you get the time and when you feel 100% better, I'd love to chance to hang out with you again. Will you grant me the pleasure?"

The smile on my face grew so large that my cheeks began to hurt. What is it about a good message from a man that could lift your spirits? There's something different about Smith. It's hard to describe. It was almost chemical, magical, or something beyond the both of us. I'm not a person that believes in fate, but the second I looked at him, there was a pull between us. There was something there that even forced me to bring any walls that I would have put up, down.
Chapter 3

A month passed and Smith and I exchanged texts every night. When we weren't texting, we were on the phone talking for hours. He worked construction so at times he couldn't talk, but whenever he missed my calls, he returned my call later without a problem. The only problem we did have was finding a time when we both were free to hang out with each other. Between his hectic schedule hopping through sites and with the salon being busier than ever, it seemed like we could never find a specific date for us to hang out. Unlike every other guy what I liked the most about Smith is that he never pushed that issue. I was so used to males badgering me to "chill" with them that it kind of threw me off when I saw how patient Smith was. Score one for him.

The salon owner and I were wrapping up for the day. There were so many clients in here that we actually had to turn customers away. The floor was covered with cut hair, weave tracks, and hair pins. Usually a mess would drive the owner, Daphne, crazy. She loved her salon to look extra neat and clean. She explained to me one day that people expected a black owned salon to look ghetto and dirty. She wasn't in competition with other black owners or even white ones. She would always say, "I am setting the new standard." When I saw her smile as she helped sweep the floor, I knew that meant the profits had mellowed her out some.

After we closed the shop, I decided to text Smith asking him if he was free. It was a miracle to text him after 8 p.m. because he usually worked the night shift, but I had to try. I waited for him to respond when I looked across the street, I spotted one of my best friends, Tasha. She was waiting at the bus stop and talking on her phone. I never notice how beautiful she was. I guess because she's my friend I never looked at her that way but watching her wait for the bus it was almost like seeing her for the first time. She was thick and curvy all over and she held her head high and walked the streets with such an air of confidence. There wasn't any fat joke that you could tell her that could bring her down. She was funny, sassy and blunt. Eight years ago, when she wanted to go all natural, she chopped her long, relaxed tresses off without a blink. Now she had a big beautiful hair that she kept it nice twists. She knew how to be sexy and classy.

I tiptoed my way across the street; trying to make sure that she didn't see me. I was walking through crowds of people and I slipped up right behind her.

"Yo, I don't care what they said, my client wants his house sold by the end of the month." She was shaking her head and looking at her nails. "All I hear you giving me is bullshit and no fucking solutions." She sucked in her teeth. "I'm not paying you for excuses, I'm paying you for results. When you wanted to work in my real estate office, I made it very clear that I expected a certain level of hard work. You either keep up with the rest of the staff or pack it up. What do you want to do?" She waited for a reply. "Listen, how about this? I do this myself, keep all of the commission, and you can take your ass over to some other real estate company. I expect for you to be cleared out by tomorrow afternoon. Enjoy the rest of your night." She hung up.

"Damn, you can be such a bitch." I poked her with my finger and she jumped.

"Cleo, bitch, you trying to give me heart attack?"

"Girl that can never happen. You have to have a heart in order to have a heart attack. By the way you were chewing out whomever you were on the phone with I can tell you have nothing but a rock beating in that chest of yours."

"Hey, I'm all about my business. I don't have time for the bullshit. What are you doing here?"

"I work across the street. You remember that, don't you?"

"Oh." She rolled her eyes. "I've honestly blocked out the fact that you were working in that menial place."

"Here we go."

"Honestly Cleo I don't understand what you're doing there. It would make sense if you were pursuing a career in the beauty industry but this has nothing to do with what you love."

"I don't want to hear a lecture."

"Too bad bitch because here it comes. You want to be a director, you want to direct movies and shows, go out there and do it."

"Everything is not that simple Tasha."

"I never said it is. You think it was easy for me to start my career? I didn't want to go to college and waste years and money following some half ass job to pay for school later. I've always been a good salesperson and I've always liked houses. I took a shot at real estate two years ago and now I'm making real money."

"I've heard this story before."

"Well then listen again. I'm only one year older than you so just know that you can pursue your dreams too. Stop hiding out Cleo and start living." She sighed.

I've heard this speech a million times before and as always, I gave out the same answer. My dream school is New York Film Academy. I just wanted to have a little money in my pocket before I started. I went to college and took liberal arts. I barely got any financial aid and it was only a matter of time before I dropped my classes and went looking for work. I just want to continue saving money, enlist in NYFA, and then go from there. I've said this speech so many times that I should type my answer up, print it, and hand it out when people bug me again about where my life was headed.

"Thanks for the advice Tasha and trust me I am listening, just give me some time." I assured her. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way home."

"Bump that. Let's go to a bar."

"Can't we just drink at my place?"

"No, I'm tired of that."

"As much as I paid to get that place, I should be saving my money and drinking there every night."

"Stop thinking about money." I rolled my eyes.

"See, it's nonsense like that, that creates broke bitches." She chuckled. "Fine, let's go."

We went to our favorite bar in Brooklyn. We brought our fake IDs with us just in case, but we were practically regulars in there. We frequented there at least three times out of the month. The first time we got in, we were nervous using our fake IDs. We've used them before but it's always a risk. Some bars were being smart and scanning the IDs so we had to avoid them but luckily for us, the bouncer took a glimpse at it and just let us in. When you're built the way we are, there really isn't any need for ID.

The low blue lights and the dance hall music always put us in a great mood. Tasha was chatting up the bartender as usual while I looked at my phone. I was hoping to see a message from Smith but for the first time since I have known him, there was nothing there.

"Janae?" I turned when I heard my fake name being spoken out loud. There he was. I moved around to see Brian, a local accountant that had an office down the block from the bar. "You girls come here all the time." He smiled. I gave my politest smile back and turned back to my drink. I was hoping he'd get the picture, but he was never one to pick up on the hint, because he sat next to me. "So, can I buy you a drink?"

"I already have a drink. Thank you for the offer though."

"It's not a problem." He sat there with his glare fixated on me. I wanted to slap him away from me, but I just awkwardly sipped my drink. I tried to telepathically tell Tasha to stop her chattering and help me out, but I guess the only thing psychic about me was my name. Well, my real name, Cleo, not the fake one I give out to the guys I'm not attracted to.

Brian started talking again but I began to drown him out. I spoke once just to let him buy my next three drinks. He was going on and on about something and I kind of wished I was listening because he looked passionate about what he was talking about. I just nodded along and threw in a couple of fake smiles.

"So, Janae, tell me your story."

"My story?"

"Yes, tell me about yourself. I've told you everything about me, tell me something about you."

'Well..." I paused as the lies came rushing to me. "I graduated college last semester and got my bachelors in business administration. So now I have the ability to work in any office but I'm trying to see if I can focus in marketing. I'm especially interested in inbound marketing"

"Wow! Pretty impressive."

"Thank you."

"If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"

"I'm 21." His eyes opened wide. "I'm going to be 22 in a few months." I should be a politician because I lie so easily.

"You're so young."

"Do I look old to you?"

"No, it's not that, I just assumed you were like 25 or something."

"Oh." The room is started to glow.

"Can you guess how old I am?"

I turned my head slowly and looked at him. He was tall, light skin, with long cornrows. He had on glasses and was wide. He wasn't built like a football player; just big. Definitely not my type.

"45?"

"No... no. I am 38."

"Well you look 45." Ok...I am a bit tipsy. He chuckled. He probably thinks I'm joking. What an idiot.

"You're funny."

"And you're too old to be rocking cornrows." I informed him.

"What are you talking about? Don't you think I look fresh?"

"Fresh? God, you're old." Yup...I'm drunk. And therefore, I no longer have the ability to give a fuck or to censor my mouth.

"There are some guys in hip hop that still rock cornrows." He was wearing a smile and I just took in a deep breath before I got started.

"Okay Brian let's be clear. The guys in your age range that have cornrows are in the following groups. Are you paying attention because I'm only going to say this shit once?" I was speaking slowly because I'm pretty sure my mouth wanted to slur my words. He shook his head "yes" so I continued. "Guys in your age bracket that still have cornrows are either filthy rich, still look great in them, or are corny old dudes. Can you guess which category you fall into?" He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "Let me give you clue...it's not the first two."

"Damn, you can be such a bitch." Tasha laughed as she tapped my shoulder.

"Oh, I disagree, I think she's delightful." Brian still smiled at me, unaware that I was repulsed by him.

"Well it's time for us to go. Say goodbye to your friend." She helped me to my feet.

"We're not friends." I informed her.

"Oh, don't break my heart." Brian playfully grabbed his chest.

"At your age, you should be worrying about a heart attack." He laughed and we were already out of the bar.

"I didn't think he was your type." Tasha teased me giving me a look.

"Bitch you know he's not. He was just occupying my time. Let's get out of here."

I was still a bit drunk when I felt my phone vibrate beneath me. When did I get home? And why am I in bed with all my clothes on?

"Sorry for not answering you back earlier. This day is so crazy. It seems like nobody knows what they are doing. I've been all over the city because they keep sending me to wrong work sites. FML."

"Ok." I texted back.

"But there is good news that comes with this." He replied back and I held my head.

"What?"

"We can finally hang out in about a week. I have some time off and I want to spend it all with you."

"Really?"

"Yes! So, Cleo, may I have the pleasure to spend some time with you?"

"Let me get back to you on that."

"What?"

"Just playing. Of course. Just let me know when and I'm down for that."
Chapter 4

It was two days before the big day. Smith was planning something huge for us back at his place. He kept sending me screenshots of recipes that he was considering or cute emojis. I've never been excited about spending some time with a guy before; it felt different. Usually when guys asked me to hang out with them, it felt more like a prison sentence. It was so apparent that it was all about one thing but Smith never really brought up sex. He just told me once that he was sexually attracted to me but sex wasn't the goal. He just wanted to get to know me better. And that's exactly what we've been doing.

The salon was busier than ever. With the weather getting warmer, ladies were getting their hair done twice as much. It was so hectic that we even broke our rule and let in some women with young children. The kids were running about and I was yelling myself hoarse. These two toddlers were falling all over the place and their mother wasn't doing anything. She at first told them to stop, but as soon as the hair stylist started to do her hair, she clocked out. What was it about some mothers when they stepped into establishments? For some reason, they stop parenting and expect the staff of that place to act as their guardians. Then when we try to instill order and discipline them, all of a sudden, we're not their parent. It's just too much.

"Watch it!" I heard the owner scream and next thing I knew I heard something splash into the boiling water that I was going to use to curl up some box-braid extensions. I grabbed both kids by their arms and instructed them in my meanest voice, "You sit down and stay still." I let them go and they complied. I ran over to the water and let out a scream.

"What is it?" The owner came over. When she looked down, she saw what I saw. She quickly unplugged the pot, poured the contents out, and grabbed a towel. "Come on Cleo, it might be okay." She was patting it down, attempting to dry it, and she swaddled it in a towel like a newborn baby. She handed it to me.

I sighed and took it from her. I opened the towel and looked at my phone. The screen was fading and for some reason it was trembling. It was beyond help. I tried to go through the phone so that I could write down as many numbers as I could but when I got to the menu, my phone shut down. It was still trembling, but pretty soon that stopped too. I just looked up and threw it across the room and heard it fall into the wastebasket. Normally that would impress me, but I wasn't in the mood. I just went back to my seat and sat down.

"I'm so sorry." The mother of the two children said from across the room.

"Sorry enough to pay for it?" I looked up and she looked away. The room fell completely silent. "Yeah I didn't think so."

"It was an accident." She had her arms across her chest. "They are kids, these things happen."

"That doesn't excuse you from paying for it. Damn you could at least offer to put some money down for it. And yeah, they are kids, but that doesn't mean they can run around in here and act a fool. You didn't even once try to get them to sit down or nothing. It makes me wonder-" I felt my reckless mouth start to get away from me. I know that something disrespectful would come out next. I don't have time for a fight that might end up on Worldstar. "I'm going to go before..." I grabbed my things and walked out of the shop.

Somehow, I ended up at the bar that Tasha and I always went to. I was just walking in a daze and I found myself standing in front of it. It was weird being here right after 1pm but I needed a drink to take the edge off. I just wanted to drink all this away and fade into tipsiness for a while.

"Hey there pretty lady." His voice automatically irritated me.

"Oh God, do you live here Brian?" I swung over to look at him.

"I could say the same to you. You're here almost as much as I am here."

"Or maybe you wait here hoping that I will show up." I pointed out and saw his eyes open wide. "Oh, I'm right; aren't I?" I laughed and turned to the bartender. "I'll take a green apple martini. And my stalker is buying it for me."

Six martinis later Brian was still blathering about something but I wasn't listening. I was swaying back and forth in my seat. I finally felt better. I didn't think of that thing I wasn't supposed to be thinking about.

"And from there I just decided to switch over his accounts." He wrapped up a story I wasn't even listening to.

"Oh my gosh, you're boring as fuck." I was rubbing my head. "Is there any way that I can take back those minutes of my life that you have wasted?" I leaned rested my head on the palm of my hand.

"You're so funny."

"I'm not joking." I shook my head. "Today is not my day."

"Why is that?"

"Well aside from being bored to near death by you..." I looked away. "My phone was dropped in water and I lost everything. What sucks is that my contract is over and I don't want to get a new phone with the company-"

"Because they will renew your contract."

"You're smarter than you look."

"Thank you."

"You really need to get rid of the cornrows. They make you look like the old dude in the club desperate for pussy."

"I get the hint."

"Do you? Because I've been trying to get you to stop bothering me but you're still here."

"What can I say? I'm captivated by you."

"Captivated? Please let's just cut out the bullshit. You want to fuck me, correct?"

Brian looked away. He checked over his shoulder as if he expected a bunch of cops to run in and scoop him up if he confessed his desires. He leaned forward.

"What?" He whispered.

"You're not that old to be losing your hearing." I leaned closer and whispered in his ears. "You want to fuck me, right?" I leaned back and he nodded his head. "No, no; make a declarative sentence. Say it out loud. Tell me what you want to do to me. You want to fuck me, right?"

"Yes, I do, but it's much more than that."

"Oh, do tell."

"I don't want to get into this here."

"You know what Brian, I don't have time to pussyfoot around with a grown ass man. If you can't tell me what you want, then there's no point in any of this. Stop trying to lure me into liking you or tell me stories hoping that it will make me fall for you. If there isn't a connection between us, you can't force or create one." I waved goodbye to the bartender and started to head out.

"Wait." He called out.

"What?" I didn't hold back the disdain in my voice.

"Let me buy you a phone."

"What?"

"You just said you that your phone was destroyed, I want to purchase you a new one."

I looked him up and down. What's with this guy? Did I look like a charity case? Was I screaming that I needed help? Or was this another ploy to fuck me?

"Brian..."

"Look, don't say no, just say yes. Save your money. I got this for you."

Magically, we ended up in an electronics store. I was looking through cell phones feeling my buzz fade away under the bright lights. A sales associate was informing me on every cell phone. I looked over at Brian and he was smiling. He was really getting a kick out of this. I told him again that he didn't have to do this and that I could handle it myself. He reassured me to proceed and that money wasn't an issue. With that said, I picked out the second most expensive smartphone.

The sales associate started the process of setting up my phone and ringing me up all at the same time. I walked away and Brian stayed behind to pay. I browsed through the aisles thinking about the whirlwind my life had become. Who knew that losing my virginity would start a series of events? It was like BOOM! Adulthood came within seconds after. I was keeping men at a distance, but it was like as soon as I had sex, men were different. They looked at me differently, approached me differently, and everything changed with one horrible sexual experience.

"Alright. We're done." Brian handed me my phone and small bag with the box and manual inside of it.

"So now that you purchased this phone, you think I owe you something?" I wanted to make things clear from the jump

"That wasn't the point of me buying it."

"So, you didn't buy it expecting for me to be spread eagle somewhere?"

"Whoa."

"Or would you prefer it that I bend over and you take it from the back? C'mon let's be honest." I chuckled seeing how nervous he was.

"Honest?"

"Yes Brian. I told you already, you're too old to be beat around the bush. If you want to tell me something or if there is something you want to do to me; tell me honestly."

"Honestly?"

"Not going to keep repeating myself Brian."

"Truthfully, I want to taste you. So, if you are going to be spread eagle, I am going to be diving in headfirst. And don't worry, I'll take it from the back too. But once again, I didn't buy this phone for that. You needed a phone and I wanted to give that to you. You can dump it as soon as you get your own phone."

I was a little silent at first. I was expecting for him to say that he wanted to fuck me, but I wasn't expecting all of that. You know, now that I think about it, some men act like eating pussy wasn't something to be asked about or offered. Or maybe I really can't say because I've never had that experience. But to be honest, there have been men that have always in some way shape or form, offered me dick, but they almost never offered to eat me out. It was like this hush hush thing. Almost as if some men were saying, "Yeah, I'll eat your pussy...if it comes up."

"You want to taste me?" I asked him for verification.

"I've been wanting to taste you ever since the first time I saw you."

"What else?" He truly had my attention at this point.

"I want to bury my face so deep inside-" His eyes lit up but they were focused on me and I knew that he was serious. I felt a pulsation between my legs.

"Ok...I get it." I cut him off. How could lame ass Brian be getting to me like this? You mean to tell me a middle-aged man with cornrows could make me horny? This doesn't add up.

"No, you don't get it yet." His focused stare made me shift where I stood. A slight smirk grew across his face. "But you give me that chance and you'll get it...several times in a row."

"You seem very confident."

"Well when you know you got the skills, you have no choice but to be confident."

"Maybe one day I'll take you on that offer." I confessed and when I heard myself say it out loud, I knew I had to reel myself in. This man is not about to have me buss it open right here in this damn store. Not like this.

"The door is always open." He smiled and leaned in.

"But for right now, my legs are closed."

I heard him chuckling behind me but I was rushing out the store. I had to get to train station and get home quickly. I needed to exit stage left because Brian was getting me too horny.
Chapter 5

A month later Brian and I were in this kinda sorta relationship. We never had a title and we never went out on a date, but because he was there when I was setting up my phone; he had my number. Every night since then, we've been texting back and forth and calling each other. It was all friendly but of course every now and then Brian let me know that he wanted me to be his. I just ignored him. I still wasn't interested in him or even that attracted to him, but I had to admit he peaked my interest every time he brought up the fact that he wanted to taste me. He was getting more and more explicit with his details and I hate to say it, but I could feel that he was wearing me down.

"I just want to live in between your legs. When I say I want to live there, I mean every night when you let me in, I'm going to cherish my new home. I'm going to lick and suck every inch of you. And when you get super wet, I'm going to place my tongue inside of you. I want it to feel so good that you have no choice but to jam my head deeper inside. I want you to climb on top of my face and ride my tongue and attempt to drown me in your juices." If you heard that a million times, it would only be a matter of time before you give in.

Tasha and I were shopping for lingerie in the mall. She had a hot date with a guy she met in the train station. She said as he was exiting, they locked eyes. She kept eye contact with him and just as the train doors were about to close, he ran in and they spoke for her whole ride. He was a computer technician and in his free time he frequented jazz clubs. She'd been to so many performances with him. Every time I saw her she was glowing and smiling.

"So now we're looking for fuck-me-silly clothes." She was looking through the rack.

"Will this be the first time that you've guys have had sex?"

"No."

"Then what's with the lingerie?"

"Because why not? My man will never be bored with me because I switch things up."

"Good point. But why are we in the mall? You know how I feel about these places...with people." I shot her a funny face. "I hate people."

"Yet you're talking to that old man."

"Talking...not fucking."

"What's stopping you?"

"Lack of attraction, no spark, and those stupid braids. Like what type of grown ass man has braids?"

"Then why are you talking to him? Stop letting this man take up space in your life."

"It's not that serious."

"You only got one life to live-"

"Are these about the days of our lives?" I cheesed and she nudged my shoulder. "Listen, to be honest, I'm just curious to see what that mouth do."

Tasha and I started laughing. She chose a see-through camisole and bought it to the register. She tried to encourage me to buy some lingerie, but the thought of Brian seeing my whole body in something sexy made me shudder. I think at most I could tease him with some great looking boyshorts, but nothing too fancy. After all, I just wanted him to focus on one part of my body.

We exited the lingerie store and started to walk around the mall. We looked on in horror as the mall filled with young teen boys and girls who were either seniors from high school, cutting school, or drop outs. Nonetheless when the teen boys tried to give us compliments we exchanged looks in disgust and simultaneously rolled our eyes. They were so young and using lines they'd obviously heard off of T.V. Young boys thought game only consisted of licking their lips, asking if they could talk to you, and giving you lame compliments.

Back in high school I was enamored by this guy named Clarence. He was tall and a bit lanky, and usually not my body type but he could make me laugh. He would have me in stitches and around him I was myself. I could be my goofy and bitchy self and he got it. It wasn't too long before I started dressing provocative trying to catch his attention. One day I wore a low-cut shirt, and let my cleavage do all the talking, but he wasn't listening. It was like once he saw me as just his friend, I never stood a chance. I would watch him talk to other girls and run game and it broke my heart that he never tried anything with me. I can still see myself wearing that tight, low cut, short red dress. He looked at me and was shocked. He didn't see me as "the friend" but an actual female in front of him. He asked me to spin around and when I walked away, I caught him checking me out. When he saw that I caught him, he looked me in my eyes, and gave me the brightest, widest smile. If I had known then that it would be the farthest I ever got with Clarence, I would have run up and kissed him. But hey, you live and learn.

Tasha and I walked out of the mall and she told me that she had to run to meet a client. I gave her a half wave goodbye and I let her know that I was going to call her later. I contemplated calling Brian but he would only badger me for us to set a date so that we can officially start being a couple. Or even worse, he might have wanted to be seen in public with me.

"Ain't nobody got time for that." I whispered to myself as I decided what store I was going to get lost in.

"Talking to yourself?"

Hearing his voice immediately sped up my heart beat. I whipped my head around and did something out of the ordinary, I embraced him. I've never been that type of chick who likes to hug. It was just all too intimate and I love my personal space. Also, when you have huge boobs and men want a hug, it's just another way for them to cop a feel without really copping a feel. Males tend to hug way too long, or their hands stand to wander down my back to my ass, or the guys were short and would set up shop in my tits. There are just too many rules when it comes to me and hugs. But today, he's the exception.

"You must have really missed me." Smith said smiling. He spun me around to take a look at me. "You're just as gorgeous as I last remembered you." I was beaming. "Where have you been? You just dropped off the face of the Earth. What happened?"

"Someone dropped my phone in boiling water." I sighed.

"You know I would say that's a lie, but it sounds so crazy that I know it has to be the truth. I'm guessing you didn't remember my phone number."

"Technology has really made me lazy."

"Well, all that doesn't matter, what matters is that I've been lucky enough to bump into you ...twice." I could feel myself blushing and gushing a lot more than I ever wanted to...at least in public.

"So, what are you doing here?" I looked at his hands and he had some toy store bags in them.

"Just picked up some toys for my niece and nephew."

"God, you're such a good Uncle. You spoil them so much. You were always buying them something even back then."

"I love them so why shouldn't I spoil them? When you care about someone, you shouldn't hesitate to treat them and spoil them, because no one is promised tomorrow."

"So true."

"So... young lady," He took my hand within his free one and laced his fingers with mine, "What are we doing?"

"We?"

"Yes we. As in you and me. Surely you don't think I'm going to let you slip through my fingers now?"

"Oh...." I laughed.

"I assume you don't have any other plans."

"I'm free as a bird."

"Good. Let the day begin."

We started walking around the mall. I was mostly browsing and was waiting for Smith to complain but he was sweet the whole time. He did joke that we were walking around doing nothing but he was his normal sweet self. After going through eight stores and only walking out with a pair of jeans and earrings, he hailed a cab and we got in. Throughout the whole ride he refused to tell me where we were going. I tried to hint for clues but he was keeping it all to himself. When I saw him smirking, I knew he loved to watch me beg.

All of a sudden, a switch went off in me. I leaned over and started to kiss his neck and bit his chin. He moaned quietly, closed his eyes, and smiled at me.

"What are you doing?" He whispered but I didn't bother to reply him. Something new was taking over me but it felt normal...it felt right. I rubbed my hand over his crotch and was immediately greeted with a hard erection. I kissed and suckled at his neck while I slid my hand in his jeans and I gripped my whole hand around it. As I squeezed it, I felt it get even harder. It was much bigger than my previous half ass lover. It really put his to shame.

"I want you." I whispered in his ear as I slowly brought my hand up and down on it. "Do you want me?" He nodded with his eyes closed. He leaned his head back and was enjoying my hand squeezing as I went up to his head. I started to speed up and he started to squirm slightly in his seat. He leaned back more and I pulled it completely out and kissed the head. His eyes shot open and looked at me. He leaned forward and our lips were centimeters apart when-

"Is this the place?" The driver asked as the car slowed down to a stop. Smith began to fix himself and pay the driver. He got out, held the door open for me, and closed it behind me. I looked up and saw that we were in front of a restaurant. I could tell from the decor inside that it was a bit pricey and fancy. Looking down at my black tight jeans and plain white v neck shirt, I felt out of place. At least I was wearing high heeled booties.

"What are we doing here?"

"We're going to get something to eat and then we're going to either do the movie or take a walk along the pier." I was so distracted by the car ride over that I didn't notice that we were no longer in Brooklyn but at the South Street Seaport.

"But it's so formal in there." I looked around. "Just look at what I'm wearing."

"You're gorgeous. You look great." He kissed my forehead. "Look at me. I'm going in there with jeans and some Timbs; not to mention the shopping bags."

"Right." I bit my bottom lip at the corner as I always did when I was nervous.

"Look," He cupped my chin and gently took my hair out of the ponytail. "Does this make you feel better?"

"Yes." I grinned. He reached out for my hand and we walked towards the restaurant.

After we were seated, I wasn't even nervous anymore. Smith made me feel so at home amongst the ritzy folks. The whole time we were there, we kept laughing and giggling. Even our waiter said that we were the best looking and most affectionate couple he's seen in a while. When we weren't laughing, we were just staring at each other smiling. Every so often, I would slip my foot out of my boot, and let it rub against his leg or up to his crotch. He would squirm and smile at me. We were in heaven while we were served the best steak we've ever had. The wine and the rest of the food was perfection, but it was mostly Smith that made this day so great.

I don't think I've ever felt anything like this. The closest I've ever gotten to this was Clarence in high school. If I was brave enough, I would admit that I was falling in love with him. Shit, there's no worse feeling than being in love by yourself. To give your all and everything to a person that doesn't even see you in the same way or even notices that you're alive. If only I could have been brave enough to tell him how I felt, maybe we could have been something great. He could have taken my virginity with the pride and passion that it deserved. What if?

But now I have Smith. A guy that never hesitated to tell me how he felt. He never seemed to hold back his feelings. Guys usually don't tell you how they feel because they think that you will play them or the guys that did put it all out there for you, you just weren't interested in them. Our chemistry is crazy and it's natural...and a little scary. How can it be that I feel like this? I guess the saying is true. When you know--you know.

Smith and I decided to forget about the movies and just walk along the pier after dinner. The sun was setting and it was so gorgeous. We were surrounded by other couples that were swapping spit and getting carried away in the moment. Before I could think, Smith grabbed me close and kissed me. He placed his hand around my lower back and I wrapped my arms around his neck. This didn't even feel like a first kiss. It felt like we've been doing it all along. I didn't have the normal butterflies that everybody is accustomed to getting. It was like something that we did every day. It felt like something I could do for the rest of my life.

"Let's go somewhere." I wanted him so badly and by the huge poke I was getting, I knew he wanted me as well.

"No babe."

"No?" I pulled away. "What do you mean?"

"You're better than this. You deserve more than this."

"Take me to your place and fuck me." I whispered seductively. "Or take me to a nearby hotel and fuck me. Just fuck me Smith. I want you to."

"You deserve more than some quick fuck Cleo. I want to take my time with you. I want to take the whole day exploring your body. Let's not get carried away in lust."

"Smith, I don't care." I rolled my eyes. "We can do that romance shit any other time." I looked him in the eyes. "Tell me you don't want to fuck me. Tell me you don't want to bend me over this bench, rip off my clothes, and ram yourself into me."

His eyes opened wide at my boldness and I didn't want him to know that I was just as shocked as he was. I could feel myself changing except I don't know why or how.

"Do you know how I feel about you Cleo?"

"Yes."

"Do I need to fuck you to prove that to you? If that's the case, then maybe you really don't know how I feel about you."

"I know all that but I want you." I replied. He took my hand and put it directly over his hard crotch.

"And you can't tell that I want you? I'm not going to degrade what we have with a quick fuck. I just won't do it. Trust, this hurts me more than it hurts you."

We stood there in silence. We just stared out of the pier and watched the sky turn dark. Eventually we sat on the bench but we weren't talking. I was still mad but the more I thought about it, I kind of was flattered. How great was it that someone wanted to wait for me?

Smith took my hand within his, I leaned my head on his shoulder, and we were still silent. Pretty soon I turned and looked at him and planted a small kiss on his lips. I thanked him and he gave me a small nod. We started making out and I could feel myself getting hot and bothered again. I started to smooch on his neck and chin again like I did earlier. He chuckled and grunted a little. He accused me of trying to seduce him but I just playfully shrugged my shoulders. I continued and started to lick the side of his neck.

"Woman..." He was talking through his teeth. "You're going to make my dick rip through these jeans." We laughed and I stood up. "It's time to take you home?" I nodded. "Fine, I'll get you a cab...just give me some time." We laughed again and after a few minutes I was off in a cab with a crisp $20 bill that Smith gave me to pay for my ride. I was going to go his house next week for a home-cooked meal and Netflix. This whole day was perfect.

"Hello?" I picked up my phone without looking at the caller I.D.

"Hey there." Brian said and immediately my face went sour.

"What do you want B?" I was staring out the window looking at the water as the cab zipped across the bridge. I wish Smith was here.

"I just bought a bottle of champagne."

"And I care because?"

"Because I just landed a huge account!"

"And again...why should I care?"

"Because that's a big deal for a small-time accountant such as myself." I could feel that he was really happy. I guess I could fake the funk; at least for a little while.

"That's great!" I perked up. "You deserve it!" I sounded enthusiastic but in reality, I was looking at my nails.

"We must celebrate."

"We must?"

"I can't think of anybody else I would want to celebrate with. I know your schedule is crazy and I know I've been on your back about us being official, but let's just put a pin on that for now. Can we just have some champagne and some good food? No strings!"

The thought of hanging out with Brian wasn't appeasing to me at all. I guess before bumping into Smith, I could have entertained him but it felt wrong to even speak to him on the phone right now.

"I just need to celebrate." He spoke again after I've been silent for a while. I was ready to turn him down, but the desperation in his voice...

"Of course, Brian, I would love to. What day were you thinking?"

"How about the Monday that's approaching?" No not Smith's day.

"I have plans that day. What about Tuesday? The day right after?" I bit my bottom lip at the corner.

"Yes! What brand of champagne do you prefer? I'll go and pick some bottles."

"Whoa there, are you trying to get me drunk?"

"I'm just doing whatever I can to make it comfortable for you. I want to at least have something you like."

"Just get me something bubbly and pink. Text me the details later. I have to go." I wasn't going to talk to him throughout the whole cab ride home. He was ruining my high that I got from Smith.

"Of course. Can't wait to see you Janae."

"Yeah, ok bye." I hung up with the quickness. I just closed my eyes, leaned back, and pictured Smith the whole ride home.
Chapter 6

It was finally the big day. I twirled in front of Tasha's full-length mirror in her guest bedroom. I was crashing at her house and it was all for the best. I didn't want my family to see me geeked out and trying on thirty different outfits just for an intimate meal at his house. I woke up bright and early and started my crazy regimen. I bathed, shaved, plucked, and did my makeup hours before I had to even be ready. I chose the best smelling lotions, sprays, and perfumes. I wanted to hit him sexually on all of the five senses. I wanted to entice him before I even touched him. It was the reason why I had my hair curled up, the most expensive perfume, and the sexy secret outfit. This tight, low cut, black dress hid my sexy lingerie underneath. I paired with some scandalous shoes I spotted one day. I gave myself a grin. I wanted to look as sexy as he always made me feel.

"Oooh you look HOT!" Tasha squealed when I walked in her bedroom. "It took you all day, but you look great. So, what's the agenda for tonight?"

"He's going to pick me up and then we're going to have dinner at his place."

"All that just to go back to his place?"

"Well you know I'm not that fancy of a chick-"

"True, but damn you can't go out?"

"So, I love the fact that we're staying in." I ignored her statement and went on. "Plus, any fancy plans that he may have ever had was all 86'd when those brats dropped my phone in the water."

"Ok, just don't settle for in home dates all the time. You deserved to be paraded around town." She took the tip of her finger and tapped my nose. "Have fun tonight." She reached in her pocket and handed me condoms.

"Oh my gosh."

"Let's not pretend that you don't want to fuck him. At least this way you know for sure there is protection for that night."

"But wouldn't he have protection?"

"Why don't you ask the girls on 'Teen Mom', how smart was it to rely on him for birth control?"

My phone started to vibrate and I ran to pick it up. It was Smith, he was asking if I was ready. I told him I would meet him downstairs. I hung up and quickly made my way back to Tasha's bedroom. I sprayed my hair once with hairspray. I leaned in and took one last look at myself. Perfect.

Once I got downstairs and opened the door, Smith was already on the other side. He handed me some roses and hugged me right after.

"Damn girl. You..." He took my hand and twirled me around. "I honestly have no words for you. I could say that you look good, but it's not enough. Shit, gorgeous doesn't even do it." He kissed my forehead. "Are you ready?" I nodded my head. He led me to his car. It wasn't fancy that much, it was just your typical four-door car, but I didn't care. I was with Smith and that's all that mattered.

The whole car ride over to his place was filled with laughter and jokes. It was so weird how well we got along. I've never felt like this with anyone else that wasn't in my immediate circle of friends. I was so at ease that it didn't occur to me that I was on a date. It just felt like I was out with a friend.

"I have a little surprise for you." He told me as he slowly opened the door to his apartment. When I looked inside, I was taken back. I turned and looked at him. He had a sly smile across his face. Without hesitation, I planted a huge kiss on his lips. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He had me pressed up against the opened door and he was kissing my chest. We were breathing hot and heavy. He started to kiss my neck and it was driving me crazy.

"Hold up." He started to place me down on the floor. "I didn't prepare this whole thing just for us to get carried away like this." I laughed and gave him one peck on the lips.

"I'm sorry but no one has ever done this for me before."

Smith's apartment was covered with lit candles. It was so intimate. I've seen things like this on TV but it was another thing to know that a man actually planned it for you. I was trying hard not to gush but I couldn't help it. Smith took my jacket and hung it on a hook by the door. He gave me a small tour. He showed me the living room, his bedroom, the spare bedroom he has for his niece and nephew, the bathroom, and when we got to the kitchen I saw that the table was already set. There was a whole baked chicken, salad, brown rice with beans, macaroni with cheese, and brownies.

"You made all of this?"

"I told you, I wanted it to be special."

"Babe, it's bad enough that you almost risk your house burning down-"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you realize you left your house with a bunch of burning candles?" I laughed when he started laughing. "But all this?" I leaned in and gave him a small peck on his cheek. "I'm so flattered."

"You deserve this and more. Besides, don't get so caught up with the candles, they are flameless so my home wasn't going to burn down."

"It's the thought that counts."

"Well, I'm always thinking about you." A small smile sat on his lips.

Smith's dinner was delicious. He kept talking about how he took his time cooking everything. When I found myself scraping the plate clean, I once again gave him more compliments.

"This far exceeded my expectations." I started stacking all the dirty dishes.

"Where are you going?"

"I wasn't raised in a barn. If you took care of dinner, the least I can do is the dishes."

"No!" He shot up. "I can take care of that." I shook my head and was already on my way there

I placed the dishes in the sink. Scrubbing the dishes with the soap, Smith was leaning on the doorway watching me. I poked my tongue out at him and just continued. When I finished, I turned the water off, and stacked the dishes.

"You have any paper towels? I don't want to shake myself dry like a dog." He handed me a napkin. I dried my hands off and went to toss it in the trash. He protested and when I put the napkin in, I could see why.

"What's up?" I turned around. He looked down. "It's not a big deal but why lie though?" I pulled out the take-out containers.

"I was nervous about you coming over. I didn't want to embarrass myself. We waited so long for this moment that I just wanted everything to be perfect for you."

"I don't give a fuck about any of that." I threw the container at him. "Why the fuck did you lie?" My face was hot.

"I'm sorry." He walked towards me but I started moving back. "I didn't want to but when you kept thanking me, I didn't want you to think-" He stopped short. "No there is no excuse. You're absolutely right. I had no reason to lie. Don't let me being an asshole ruin the rest of the night."

"You're not an asshole." I pecked his cheek. "Just don't be a liar. I fucking hate them."

We were in the kitchen still looking each other in the eye. He walked towards me and I continued to back away to the wall. He kissed me deep and hard. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his. We kissed our way back to the living room and fell against the couch. The heat between us was intoxicating. My head was swirling as he kissed me. He grabbed my ass and squeezed.

"How long have you been waiting to do that?" I giggled.

"Too long." He breathed. "But it's worth the wait." He shook it a little bit in his hands. "It's so bouncy."

"It's a bit jiggly."

"I don't want to sound rude or come off as a perv, but can I get a lap dance?" He gave off an innocent smile but his eyes gave him away.

"Don't be shy. You want me to put all this booty on you?"

"Yeah." He spanked me and I moaned out loud.

"Sit down."

Smith leaned back and opened his legs wide. I sat on his lap and started to dry ride him. He rose against me and poked me hard.

"That was quick. I didn't even really get into it yet."

"Don't stop. Keep going." He muttered with his hands on my hips.

"You're going to have to let me go." I advised and used his knees as I bounced up and down on him.

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?" I played stupid. "You can't handle it?"

"Don't play games. You know I can."

"How would I know?" I leaned all the way back and continued to grind my hips him. I placed one of his hands on my breasts. He chuckled but squeezed anyway, sending jolts throughout my body.

"For the record, this isn't really a lap dance." He kissed the back of my neck. "But I don't mind. You're not going to get me to go crazy though."

"I think your hard dick poking my ass tells me that I very much can."

"Try your best."

"I'm the wrong one to challenge."

I turned to face him and pretended that I was riding him. Giving the porn stars in all the videos that I've watched a run for their money, he was even more stiff now. He kept rolling his head back and grabbing my hips. I went faster and he reached for my tights trying to pull them off. I slapped his hands away and stood up.

"I almost forgot." I peeled off my tights to show my lace boyshorts. Then I took off my shirt and showed off my matching bra.

"Oh-" He tried to touch me but I slapped his hands away again. "What?"

"I touch you but you can't touch me."

"You making it real hard for me."

"I know." I giggled. "Now let's see how long you can hold out."

Plopping hard against him and he groaned, I was smiling the whole time. I bent over, grabbed his ankles, and bounced up and down. There was a pulsation happening south of my navel. My body wanted it so bad. I've never reacted like this to a guy before. My lackluster lover from before made me curious enough to want it, but Smith made me want to take it. When my lower lips felt how hard he was, it got warmer and warmer. I rubbed it against his erection and moaned.

"Cleo...if you could just-"

"Ssh." I cut him off. I popped up, put my hands down his pants and pulled him out.

"What are you doing?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"I knew you were a little freak."

I didn't bother to ask him how he knew. I was too fixated on what I was doing. Something took over me and I let this thing consume me. It was almost as if I couldn't control my actions. Sitting on his erect penis and I continued to swirl on top of it. He groaned and I grabbed it firmly in my hands and smacked it hard right between my legs.

"Fuck that." He said.

Everything happened in slow motion. He stood me up and swung me around to kiss him. His hands were touching every part of my body. He was standing behind me and his fingers went between my legs, touching where I wanted him inside the most.

"Damn babe, you're soaked through your undies." He licked the tips of his fingers. "Sit down so I can really taste you."

He opened my legs wide, kneeled in front of me, propped one of my legs over his shoulders, and went t in. Smith didn't try to ease me into it at all. His mouth was right over my clit, sucking for dear life. The sounds of my juices filled the room and my fingers were digging into his shoulders.

"That's right boo," He whispered between laps, "Scratch me up." And then I exploded against his face. He dug deeper; drinking all of me. I kept waiting for him to come up for air, but he didn't stop. I came over and over again. When I would wiggle, he locked me down, and started putting his tongue in my hole. "Keep going. Cum again." Like I had any choice in that matter. It was so wet beneath me that I was almost sliding off his leather couch. I looked over at the clock and almost passed out. He's been down there for almost 40 minutes. Oh my God.

"Smith, please." I was begging between orgasms but his tongue was lapping everything up. My body continued to shake and I was grabbing on to him. The energy in my body was leaving just as fast as my juices. "Fuck me." I let out.

"Thought you would never ask."

You know how in old school cartoons, Clark Kent would turn to Superman within seconds? That's how it looked like when Smith was practically naked on top of me. It happened so fast, I almost expected to hear cartoonish sound effects. We went to his bedroom and got on the bed. I opened up my legs and closed my eyes. The last time I did this with a guy, my vagina was like "No bitch no". Who is to say that even though I'm begging for it, Ms. Kitty won't fight back like she did last time?

"Are you okay?" His eyes looked concerned. I already told him of the disaster of my first time. I nodded. "I'm going to need you to be more verbal than that."

"I'm just worried." I told him truthfully.

"Babe, if you don't want to do this, it's okay. I can just take a cold ass shower and we can stop."

"No, I want this." I took in a deep breath. "Just take your time." He kissed my lips and looked me dead in my eyes. The condom slipped on with ease. So, this is really happening. "Take your time." I repeated.

"Of course."

He was right by my hole. Please vagina don't fight back. I want this and from what porn teaches me, you probably want it too. We locked eyes and he moved inside me. I closed my eyes preparing for the worst but was surprised when I heard myself moan. Oh shit. So, this is what sex is supposed to feel like.

"Damn." I bit my lip and looked down between my legs. Yup he's definitely inside of me. Ms. Kitty was more than accepting of him, she was rejoicing. He was going slow and deep and I couldn't take; it felt so good. He found my sweet spot and now my legs are having seizures. My whole body was quaking.

"Shit, you sure you're not a virgin?" He asked, but I didn't reply. "I see that you're enjoying it." He had a cocky smirk across his face. I gave him a look trying to play it cool but my body was giving it all away. There was no way I could deny that I was having the time of life.

He plunged deeply into me and I had to catch my breath. He was kissing and licking my neck and this tingling started from my toes. Oh shit. Is this for real? I've heard of people talk about toes curling, mind blowing, electricity sweeping, type of sex, but I didn't believe it. After my lackluster lover left me bruised and disappointed, I thought it was a myth. Maybe the thing is I needed a man like Smith to make me believe or to prove it to me.

The rest of the night went on in flashes. It was like one second, he was on top and in one fluid movement, I was on top of him. I was nervous at first but then I just replayed what I've seen in pornos a million times. I rolled my hips slowly until I gained enough momentum to have a rhythm. I looked down expecting to see a bored look on his face, but his eyes were closed.

"You like this?" I asked because I genuinely wanted to know.

"Yeah. Don't stop." He breathed. I shrugged my shoulders and continued. He then put his hands on my ass and started picking me up and slamming me against him. I fell against his chest, exhaled, and felt energy burst through me. He spanked me, smiled, and started moving faster. Then I felt like I was holding my breath, and when I tried to breathe, I shuddered. My whole body shook violently and then it went limp.

"Wait, was that a...?" I grabbed on the sheets and tried to prop my body up, but I was so weak. My legs were now turned to the side and he was on top. He was still in and out of me. "Was that an..." I gathered as much strength as I could. "Was that an orgasm?" He still had that smirk but now it stretched out to a full smile. He leaned back, still inside me, and chuckled.

"Yeah or maybe it was something similar to that." He started to speed up. "Can you take it?"

"Take what?"

"If I go a little bit faster." He slowed down to a stop.

"Do whatever you want." I found myself saying. And he was off.

He drilled into me relentlessly. It was weird at first, but then he got into some sort of groove and it felt better. It even started to feel great. Out of nowhere moans and groans escaped my body.

"Cleo..." He was inches away from my ear.

"Yes?" I bit my bottom lip and felt my lower body start to quake.

"I always knew you would feel good." He grunted. "But damn, I didn't think you would feel this good."

"Oh?" Was all I could manage to say.

"Best..." He kept repeating. "This is the best..." He couldn't finish the sentence and he collapsed next to me.

I looked up at the ceiling. This was nothing like my lackluster lover. I guess as much as I tried to outsmart it, you have to have some sort of feelings with a guy before having sex with him. I tried to play sex like it was nothing, but can you blame me? My generation fucks to pass the time. Shit, I've heard of people having sex because there was honestly nothing better to do. If you heard this a million times before you hit the age of 16, you wouldn't think sex was all too special. I tried to wait for someone special, but looking around, no one was there at the time. I should have waited a little bit longer. Smith could have been the guy I gave my virginity to. Shit, he should have been the guy I gave my virginity to.

"Are you okay?" I asked after I caught my breath. I was sweaty and usually I would worry but I didn't care. I just was still taking in the fact that not only did sex not have to hurt, but it could feel good too.

"I am more than okay." He smiled. "Come here you." He grabbed me and pulled me close. "With your sexy ass, where you did you think that you were going?"

"I've been led to believe that men didn't really like women all in their space."

"With your tight, gushing, wet, and perfect pussy, I don't need no fucking space." He smiled and I started to laugh out loud. "Besides, I like you near me." He looked me deep in my eyes.

"You do?" I now felt even more naked. It was something about the way he looked at me that made me feel so vulnerable. It was like I was back in junior high school stealing forbidden glances at my crush. It hurt so good to look at him.

"I do Cleo." Hearing him say my name now made me melt. "I'm really feeling you." He pecked my lips. "You just don't know."

"I think I have a clue."

Then there was a poke. He was rock hard again. I've heard of guys waiting at least twenty minutes to an hour before being ready to go again. Smith was right here diamond hard in less than five minutes. I put my hand directly on it and squeezed tightly. He moaned softly and gave me that smile again.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I guess little man down there had flashbacks of being inside you." He chuckled.

"First off, he isn't little." I grinned. "Secondly, how about we give him a sense of deja vu?" I laughed and proceeded to get on all fours. I put my face down and ass up. I arched my back and looked back at him. "You taking this pussy or not?" He stared at me and then got this grin on his face. "What?" I wiggled my ass. "You don't want some?"

"Oh, I want it all. I just wanted to get a good look at this." He touched me softly and for some reason it made me jump. "Ah, I found your sweet spot." He kissed the small of my back. he reached over and grabbed another condom. "Okay, let me take this pussy."

When he slid right back into me, I felt myself jolt up. It was like I was there, but it was still an out of body experience. I was having sex with him, but at the same time I was watching him. There was a mirror on the side and the reflection of us fucking was turning me on more. Damn, I was watching us and the shit looked like a porno, but a good one. You know the type of porno that look real and shit, but you know deep down inside that there is some acting involved. It was still all too good though. It felt too great and I didn't want it to end, but when he pulled his dick out of me and started to eat my pussy, I blacked out.

"Cleo..." Smith was kissing my forehead. I blinked and I was on top of him. How the fuck did I end up here? "Damn girl..." He sighed.

"What happened?" I asked. I looked around and all the sheets were off the bed.

"You win." He drew in a deep breath.

"I win?" I was very confused. I don't remember what happened.

"I didn't think you could push me down and ride my dick like that, but you did."

"I did?" I got off of him and sat up in bed.

"Yeah and you scratched me up everywhere." He sat up and that's when I saw the faint scratches on his chest, the bite mark on his neck, and another bite mark on his chest.

"I'm sorry." I apologized.

"Nah, I actually like when you take control." His eyes twinkled and my heart started beating fast. He cupped my face and kissed me. "I'll be right back."

He got up, put on his sweats, and headed to the bathroom. I looked around the room. We got here so fast that I didn't bother to look around. It was a nicely decorated room. I always knew Smith had good taste, but I never took him for a man that could pick out furniture this well. I got up grabbed the sheet on the floor and wrapped it around myself. The furniture was a nice oak wood and it complimented the room nicely. I touched his dresser and I contemplated opening it. It's not like I was looking for anything; I was just curious. What kind of clothes did he wear to work? What undies did he like to buy? After fucking Smith, I wanted to know everything about him.

"Looking for something?" He said at the doorway. He was smiling with his hands in his pockets. "You look so fucking sexy with my sheet wrapped around you."

"Well, I guess it's a look I can only wear here." I joked. "This whole bedroom is going to smell like me." I walked over to him. "You're going to be smelling the sheets for days." He hugged me.

"I'm changing the sheets, I don't have to worry about that."

"Worry?" I pulled my head back in confusion. "Why would you be worried?" He just shook his head softly.

"Baby, we really messed up all these sheets. I'm going to need these clean. There are certain stains on them-"

"Ew, okay." I laughed. "I see what you're trying to say."

Just then the sound of the phone vibrating cut through the room.

"That's my phone." He grabbed his phone from his pocket. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes. "It's my fucking job."

"Don't pick up." I suggested to him.

"I can't do that bae." He sighed and picked up the call. "Yeah?" I could hear someone talking on the other line and Smith started shaking my head. "But it's my day off. I took this day off so I wouldn't have to come into work later. Fine, whatever." He ended the call. "Fuck!"

"What's wrong?"

"They want me to come in."

"What?" I looked at the time off of his phone. "It's like almost 1 a.m."

"I know, but apparently there's an emergency at one of the sites. They had Rodriguez but he called out and they need someone with my experience."

"Wow."

"And I have to leave now."

"Now?"

"Yes." He put his head down. "I really don't want to leave though. I wish I could stay here with you." He grabbed my waist and pulled me close. "Fuck, maybe I should stay here with you."

"What about your job? Won't they be mad?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "They really need someone, but I'll just take the risk."

"No, don't do that." I shook my head and kissed his lips. They were still soft and I was tempted to keep my mouth shut. "Go to work. I'll go home."

"You don't want to stay here?"

"For you to do a full shift at work?" I shook my head. "I don't want to stay here by myself."

"Fine."

We got dressed slowly. Smith would come up and kiss me every few minutes. He couldn't get his hands off of me and I wanted to do more but I didn't want him to lose his job. His phone kept blowing up and we started to move faster.

"I'm so sorry about this Cleo." He was holding my hands facing me while I waited for my cab.

"It's okay, it's not like you planned this." We started kissing slowly but like always it got a little intense. Between my legs, my pussy was screaming for him to enter me again, but I had to tell that little thot-pocket to cool down. Smith had work to go to and we would just have to wait.

"Fuck." He whispered and pull me right onto him. "You feel that?" His erection was poking me through his jeans.

"Yeah..." I breathed.

"If you didn't have to leave right now..." He paused and then started kissing me again. The cab pulled up and I moved away from him.

"You have work to get to and I need to get home."

"I know." He opened the door. "Text you the second I get the chance."

"You better."

Smith gave me $20 and opened the cab door for me. I leaned forward and gave the driver my address. My phone started vibrating and I smiled wondering what Smith sent me this time. I looked at my phone and immediately, my smile went away.

"Hey Janae." It was a text from Brian. With all that went on with Smith, I completely forgot that tomorrow I agreed to meet up with Brian. Now that I actually let Smith enter me, it feels wrong to even text with Brian.

"What's up?" I replied.

"Still up for tomorrow?" He asked and for some reason I could picture his goofy cornrow self-staring at his phone in anticipation.

"Something came up." I started the brush off.

"Another time then?"

"I don't know because I'm going to be so busy."

"Well it doesn't matter what day, as long as I get to see you. Text me when your schedule is clear and I'll see you then." His text message read. I rolled my eyes. Of course, any time I give is good for him.

"Sure." I texted back and then I put my phone away. I didn't want to be bothered; I wanted the flashbacks to play in my head.

Chapter 7

"So, you look like you're glowing." Tasha said to me with a smile. I was waiting for her to wrap up some paperwork at her real estate office. Over a year ago, she was working with this firm that wasn't paying her enough so she broke out on her own. She now had a lot of clients and had to rent her own space. It was just her and her secretary, but she made moves like the other huge real estate offices. She tried to hire more staff, but they never lasted long. She ran a tight ship.

"What do you mean?" I knew exactly what she meant. I could feel that I was a happier person, but damn, I didn't think there was a glow.

"Girl, you are fucking glowing. You are glowing so much that I could turn off all these lights and you'd be bright enough to light up the whole room." She started laughing.

"Oh, ha ha." I stuck my tongue out at her. "But I'm not glowing." I kept a straight face.

"Don't worry boo, this is a good glow. It's not like I'm saying you're glowing because you're pregnant because I know you used protection that I gave you." She gave me a look and I nodded my head. Smith and I had plenty of sex that day and each time we used condoms. Besides, being the paranoid person that I am, I took a pregnancy test. As of right now, I'm the only person living in my body.

"I am not pregnant."

"I know that. Cleo, I'm only saying that you look very happy lately. You've looked happy before but this time it's a whole different level."

"Different how?"

"It looks like you're in lo-"

"Whoa there." I cut her off.

I really liked Smith, but I know it's too soon to throw around the L word.

"Let's pump our brakes on that." I went on. "There's no need to say that four-letter-word.

"I wasn't going to say that you love him." She rolled her eyes, but I knew she was lying.

"Then what is it?"

"I was going to say you look extremely...content. It looks like you don't need anything else in your life right now."

Opening my mouth, I wanted to correct her, but how could I when she was right? Usually I felt like something was missing in my life and now that feeling was gone. Who knew the void in my life could be filled with dick? Wait, not just any dick but grade-A dick. I kinda wish I could take back the night I lost my virginity. I wish I never knew what whack dick felt like and only had the memory of Smith, but it doesn't work that way. You can't just open your legs and delete dick memory.

"I am happy." I confessed. "I'm really happy."

"And I'm happy for you." She smiled. "So?" Her eyes were twinkling.

"So..."

"So, what happens now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when's the next time that you see him? What are you guys doing? Is he your boyfriend?"

"Wait-" But she cut me off and kept going.

"Are you guys exclusive now? Are you going to be dating him and other men? Is he dating other females? Has he told you how he felt? Have you guys talked about this?"

"Talked about what?"

"About what you two are doing. Where are you going? I mean, I know the dick was good."

"And how do you know that?"

"Girl, bye...you got that dickmitized glow." She laughed and I couldn't help but laugh along.

"But it's more than just dick Tasha, he's really a good guy. I feel really good around him and he makes me happy."

"That's good, but what now?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You mean to tell me that you open your legs for this man and you don't even know what you are to him yet?"

"I know that he cares about me."

"Cares about you?" She rolled her eyes.

She got up and walked over to her printer. Even though I felt a lecture coming on, I knew she wasn't going to stop working just to tell me off.

"Please don't tell me that this nigga didn't finesse you out your panties by telling you that he cared about you?"

"But he does." I started to put on some Chapstick.

"And you know that because he told you?" She chuckled a little bit. "You know what, I'm not even mad at him or you."

"Tasha, stop speaking in riddles and tell me what you talking about."

"Nothing." She laughed. "Listen, it's just something you have to learn. Niggas ain't shit."

"So, I've heard." I rolled my eyes. "But what does this have to do with Smith?"

"I hope I'm wrong, but I think you got played sis."

"No, I didn't. Me and Smith are-"

"Has he called you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Has he called you?" She shot me a look.

Being forced to think about it, I really haven't heard from Smith since we had sex. We've been texting back and forth, but he's been working like crazy lately. But now listening to what Tasha was suggesting, it had me thinking. What if Smith really was playing me?"

"He's been working." I told her. "You know he works crazy hours."

"No, I don't." She shook her head. "And for all you know, you don't know that either."

"What? I know he works like crazy."

"Do you? Do you really? Have you seen him clock in at a job? Have you actually seen him at work?"

"He has to be working."

"Niggas ain't shit Cleo. Learn this now and it'll save you some bullshit later." Tasha started packing her bag. "I'm not saying for sure that he played you, but I think that's probably the case. You shouldn't trip if he is."

"What are you talking about? If he played me, I got all rights to flip the fuck out if he's playing me."

"Yeah you can but it's honestly something you got to go through to learn."

"Gosh, must you always have an Oprah Winfrey moment?" I sucked my teeth. All the words she'd been telling me was racing all over my brain. I started to feel a little dizzy. "You really think that he was playing me?"

"I think so, but just try to reach out to him."

I took my phone out and was about to text him, but I needed to call him. Not only did I need to hear his voice, but I had to show Tasha that he wasn't trying to play me. I knew what me and Smith had. He was a gentleman and always treated me that way. He never did anything disrespectful to me. When I called him it eventually went to voicemail and I didn't leave a message.

"I guess he's busy. He is at work." I spoke before she did because it looked like Tasha was ready to say something smart.

"Uh huh." She sighed.

"What?" I knew she wanted to say something but she was shaking her head.

"Nothing."

"I want to know what you-" My phone vibrated and it I looked down and saw Smith's name and number.

"He texted you?" She had her arms crossed.

"Yeah."

"Uh huh." She sang the words and then she buttoned on her jacket. "Let's get something to drink."

We got outside and of course there was an Uber waiting on us. I was so wrapped up in Smith, that I didn't even notice that she had everything prepared.

"How did you know that he texted me?" I wondered when we got in the car.

"Let's not do this Cleo." She closed her eyes. "It's so much bullshit that you don't even know yet and I can't tell you it all. some of this shit you have to learn. It's part of the fucking game that people play."

"But he texted me so that proves that he not playing me."

"Did he text you a paragraph or two words?" She took out her compact mirror and started pressing some powder on her face.

"I didn't even check." I looked at my phone and there was a long ass paragraph. "He sent me a whole essay."

"If he could text all that, he could have picked up the phone and told you really quick what he just wrote you."

"I don't think it's all that." I sighed and put my phone away.

"Aren't you going to read that?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Don't be mad Cleo. I didn't say for sure that he was playing you, but I just know from my personal experience how fuck niggas act like."

"Oh, now he's a fuck nigga?"

"I didn't say him and I didn't mean him, I just know what happened to me. I don't want you to go through what I did, but at the same time..."

"It's cool." I told her and gave her my fakest smile. "But that drink gonna be hitting the spot though." I stuck my tongue out.

We went to our regular spot even though we haven't been in there in a while. Between Tasha working like crazy and me avoiding Brian, we just never been in. But now I didn't care about none of that, just the possibility of Smith playing me meant that I needed all the drinks in here. The music which was usually laid back and chill, was this turnt up hip hop and trap music. There was a DJ in there that was killing it. The bar had a lot more people than usual.

"Damn, should we go somewhere else?" Tasha suggested as she sat down.

"Bitch, don't be a snob." I chuckled. "We can hang out here."

"But...there is people here." She said sarcastically clutching her chest. "What shall we do?"

"I think, we should drink until it feels like we're the only ones here." And that's what we did.

The night was going great. The DJ was really good and it didn't hurt that he was really cute. He was caramel, had a low haircut, was kind of skinny for me, but there was something about his eyes. Every now and then we would lock eyes and I couldn't help but smile.

"So, how's Smith?" Tasha asked with a smirk. I turned my head over.

"We've talked about him enough."

"We really didn't." Tasha sipped the rest of her vodka tonic. "I simply was telling you that he might be playing you. There is a chance that he isn't."

"Yeah, but we didn't make any commitment to each other or anything. I'm allowed to-"

"To what?" She cut me off and shot me a look. "Relax Cleo, you don't have to run off and do anything stupid. Don't make the mistake of trying to cancel out one dick heartache but getting more dick. That shit doesn't work that way."

"I'm not." I smiled and I felt the liquor was taking over my body. Everything was feeling nice. "I'm just looking."

"But settle everything with Smith before you jump into this." She cocked her head

"Settle what?" I laughed but even I didn't know why I was laughing. "We're not anything so I can do whatever the fuck I want."

"Cleo-"

"So, tell me about your man."

Switching the subject to her boo was now my new go-to move when I wasn't in the mood for a lecture. She'd been dating this guy for a while and she could never shut up about him. It was cool but then she would just go on and on. I wonder if I was the same with Smith. Just when I was about to ask her how the sex was, my cell phone vibrated. I thought it was Smith, but when it was a number I didn't recognize, my heart sank. I kinda was hoping for Smith to text me or call me, but he didn't. It was looking like Tasha was right about him.

"Hello?" I picked up the phone. There was silence and I could only hear outside noises. I closed my other ear with my hand because I wanted to make sure that I could hear them. "Hello?" I sang through the line but still there wasn't an answer. "Okay, this is getting ridiculous." I hung up. I shook my head. I didn't have time for this. I could feel my buzz leaving so I ordered some shots for me and Tasha.

"Hold up." Tasha pushed my shots back to my side of the bar. "What's with the hard liquor?"

"Come on girl." I pushed it to her and she shook her head. "What?"

"I've reached my limit." She took out her compact mirror. "If I drink that, I'm going to be looking like I lost a fight." She laughed. "How about we slow down?"

"This is me slowing down." I smiled taking the shot glass to my lips. "This is how I'm going to end the night."

"Oh yeah?" She laughed. "That sounds like a great idea." She added sarcastically. "You drink that and you're going to be all over that dude you've been eyeing." She turned back to the DJ.

"What are you talking about?" I looked at the DJ and once again we caught eyes. He smiled at me and I arched one of my eyebrows up and bit my bottom lip.

"Should I get out of here before or after you try to hop on his dick?"

"I would do no such thing." I gasped but I was still looking at the DJ.

"Oh yeah, I forgot all about Smith."

"Who?" I shrugged my shoulders. "You just pointed out to me that I'm technically single so he really shouldn't be a factor."

"Ok, that may be true, but you still have feelings for him and you should deal with that before you get involved with someone else."

"Yeah I know."

"You know huh?" Her tone was filled with an oncoming lecture, but it didn't stop me from staring at the DJ. "Then why are you looking like you're about to fuck that shit out of the DJ?" She whispered in my ear.

"I'm not." I chuckled. "Can't I just look?"

"Sure."

The night went on with the DJ and I looking at each other. There was something there but was it the liquor or nah? It was hard to tell but I felt everything in me stand up despite all the liquor I had in my system.

"Um, bitch, where you going?" Tasha held on to my hand.

"I want to request a song." I reached into my pocket and took out my Chapstick.

"And why are you putting on Chapstick?"

"Because my lips are dry."

"Hmm." She pursed up her lips. "I bet. Listen, Cleo, I don't want you to go over there."

"Why not?"

"Because the juice got you loose and I wouldn't be your friend if I didn't stop you from thottin'."

"I'm not thottin, I'm plottin'." I laughed and grabbed my stuff.

"Uh uh, why are you taking your things if you are going to request a song?" She asked but I didn't answer, I just walked away.

Even though some time has passed, the place was still packed. Had I been sober, I might have been lazy and wrote this whole thing off. I wouldn't be here pushing through people, but the liquor had me going through these people like they weren't even there. Despite the fact I was way past buzzed, I was extremely focused on this new goal of mine. I didn't even know what the fuck I was going to say when I got to the DJ, but there was this force in me pushing me towards him. It couldn't be just the liquor, but something else was taking over.

"I'm not surprised to see you here." I turned and saw Brian coming in the entrance. "You look great." His smile was sincere but for some reason it made me sick.

"Ew." I said out loud.

"How are you? I haven't really heard from you." He sidestepped my whole insult like I never said it.

"I've been busy."

"Yeah I can imagine." He was looking me up and down. "Damn, you look good baby." He said sounding like the old guy from the club. Oh shit...wait a minute...he is.

"I think you might be the oldest guy here." I mentioned.

"You and those jokes, Janae."

"Who?" I snapped.

"Janae" He emphasized and that's when I remembered that he was calling me by my fake name. I had to hold back a chuckle.

"Right." I leaned into his ear. "It's so loud in here that I couldn't really hear you."

"It's okay." He leaned in my ear. "You smell so good, I bet you taste even better."

That took me back. I looked at him and his eyes were more focused on me than ever. He was looking at me a way that I've never seen him before. Fuck, why am I drunk now?

"Oh yeah?" I challenged him. There was that pulsating feeling between my legs. Was this the liquor or Brian?

"Yeah. If you give me some time, I can show you better than I can tell you."

"How?"

"Well...." He was now right up against me. "I'm going to push my face so deep into your pussy, you'll be able to read my thoughts. I want to lick and suck every inch of you until you have no energy left. And if you move again, I'm going to flip you over and dive right in."

"You sound like you mean it."

"I'm serious and there's only one way to find out just how serious I am."

Suddenly it was like I could hear the music again. I just realized that I was still in the bar. I looked over at Tasha and she was busy on the phone. I don't have to be psychic to know who she was talking to. She was so distracted and that was a good thing. Back at the DJ booth, the DJ was still pumping out the good tunes, and once again we locked eyes. He looked at me and smiled and then looked at Brian. I could see him trying to figure out what was going on. Shit, to be honest, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

"Okay, let's go." I told him and we were out of there.
Chapter 8

Brian was practically skipping towards his car. He kept looking back at me as if he expected me to run and leave him. I couldn't blame him though because I had been stringing him along this whole time. What can I say? I'm not even attracted to him, but I felt like my curiosity was winning at this point. He was talking all that good stuff about how he could eat the box, it was only a matter of time before I wanted to test it out. Of course, liquor was the pushing force, but that was neither here nor there.

"Are you sure that you're comfortable?" He asked me after I sat in his car.

"I'm good." I told him. He reached over and buckled me in. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good- no great." He smiled at me but I could tell that he was nervous. He kept fidgeting with his keys that he wasn't even putting it into the engine correctly. He was trying to act cool, but everything was a dead giveaway.

"Okay that's nice but I'm going to need you to bring it down like four notches." I informed him. "You're a bit too hype."

"I'm just excited to have you here."

"But you acting like this is the first time you're getting pussy." I chuckled and then stopped. "This isn't the first time you're getting pussy is it?"

"No." He laughed. "But it is my first time with you and that's what makes it so special."

"I guess." I rolled my eyes. His corniness was hitting me.

"I just can't wait to get you back and pop the champagne."

"Champagne?" I questioned as he started the car and drove off. "This is really a special occasion to you, huh?"

"Yes, but remember a while back I told you about the huge account I landed?"

Closing my eyes and that's when it hit me. Brian did say something about it, but I was so stuck on Smith that I didn't even pay attention.

"Yeah, I do, but I would think that you would have popped it by yourself."

"I was saving it for you." He looked over at me during the red light. Brian really cared for me...or at least it felt like he did. He would probably take good care of me and he would probably treat me right; like royalty. With Brian, I would never have to worry about how he feels for me or where this is going, because he made his intentions clear with me from day one. He always told me that he wanted us to be exclusive, but it was me who was pulling back. It was me playing all these games with him. I gave him a fake name the second we spoke to each other. I just didn't want to be bothered and yet he was making plans revolving around me, he was trying to get to know me, and I was chasing a dude that didn't even give me a title.

"That's very nice." Was all I could say. I gave Brian the glance over once more. Damn, I wish I was attracted to him. Being curious about someone and being attracted to someone are two very different things.

"Janae, I know that sometimes you joke about my age and you might think I'm just with you because you are so young, but tonight I'm going to show you a few things." He winked. I opened my mouth because I felt a sarcastic and vicious comment needed to be stated, but I closed it shut. Brian wasn't doing anything mean to me. The fuck is wrong with me?

"Ok." I smiled and just kept it going.

We got to his apartment. He pulled up and when I took off my seatbelt and reached for my door, he got out really quickly.

"No lady of mine will have to open her own door. You're not touching any door knobs, any doors, nothing of that nature." He had that toothy smile as he reached for my door.

"Thank you." I cooed. "You're such a gentleman."

Just then a flash of Smith popped in my head. I was back at the bench where I first met him. His aura was all around me again.

"Are you saying that you're a gentleman?" I heard the old conversation repeat itself.

"Something like that." His words echoed in my head.

"Yeah you are." I said out loud to the memory.

"Thanks again." Brian said and I snapped out of it.

Brian lives in a tall apartment building. I kept looking around because I could have sworn we were at the projects.

"Do you live in the projects?" I asked trying to make sure that my tone wasn't dripping with bougieness.

"Yes, I do." He stated matter of factly. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"No." I replied honestly. "I don't know why, but I pictured you living in a house or condo. I thought a man at your age and as successful as you claim to be would be owning where you live." I sighed. My buzz was wearing off. I thought back to Smith's nice apartment. He was younger than Brian yet he had a place to call his own in a nice neighborhood. Smith lived in a two-bedroom apartment, but Brian only had a studio. I don't know why but it rubbed me the wrong way.

"I moved in when I was 18. I guess, I just never moved out. On top of that, all my money goes back into the business." He was defending himself, but in all honesty, I stopped caring.

"Okay. I'm not judging, but I just never pictured you living here."

Inside of Brian's apartment was fairly nice. He had some beautiful things but I couldn't help but notice how empty it was.

"Do you not buy things?" I asked as I sat on his only couch. "You don't even have a coffee table or a kitchen table."

"It's just me by myself." I nodded to his answer.

"Well get out the champagne." I smiled. I wasn't in a celebrating mood, I just knew that if I wasn't somewhat tipsy, nothing was going to happen. Even though I should consider this night a loss, I really wanted to get my mind off of Smith.

"Of course." He smiled so wide it was like I could see the back of his teeth. It took everything in me to not bust out in laughter.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked myself with a dumb grin on my face. Was my curiosity this bad? I don't even want to be with Brian, but just experience all that he said. He talked a big game, but could he back it up? I looked down at my outfit and then out of nowhere it dawned to me. If I was going to let Brian taste me, some of my clothes would have to come off. I shuddered and promised that only he would bet to see the bottom...and that's it.

"Here we are." He came with two nice champagne glasses. His was filled to the top while mine was halfway there.

"Are you rationing your champagne?"

"Hmm?" He gave me a puzzled look.

"Why are you being stingy with the booze? I can't have as much as you?"

"Oh." He chuckled and then came back with the champagne bottle. "I didn't notice." He smiled and poured some more.

"Are you really that nervous around me?"

"Yes." He laughed. "I really am."

"What is it about me that makes you so nervous?"

As I sipped my champagne, I could see his brain working overtime.

"Think of a good one." I joked wondering what he was fishing around for.

"No, it's not that I'm making something up...it's just that I don't want to scare you." He smiled slowly. "I don't want you to think that I'm getting ahead of yourself." I nodded my head and chugged the rest of the champagne.

"Brian, in a few minutes," I took a deep breath. "You'll be face deep into my pussy. Right now, is not the time to hold back what you have to say." I reached out and touched his face because his eyes were opening wider with each word I said. "Is there a problem?"

"No, it's just that I never met a woman that is as blunt as you. You tell it like it is and that's one of the things I like about you. When I first met you, I won't lie and say that I didn't find you attractive because I did. I thought you were so beautiful, but there's this attitude about you. It's a way that you carry yourself. You just don't give a fuck and that's rare."

"We live in New York City and I think about 80% of us don't give a fuck."

"Not really." He shrugged and I reached out for more champagne. "Some New Yorkers want to be seen not giving a fuck, but the second they can get some vengeance or be petty, they do. You just don't care about stuff like that."

Looking over at Brian I smiled at him. No one has ever described me like that before. When it came to my wack-ass lover, it was about my body. All he could ever tell me was about my looks. With Smith, he never really put it into words; I went off a vibe. He made me feel great and he told me that he liked me, but not like this. Brian described a part of me that I thought only my friends saw. He talked about a side of me I thought men really didn't care about.

"Come here." I whispered as I downed the rest of my drink. The bubbles were going straight to my head, and I was ready to test drive him. Maybe if I do this, the attraction will catch up later. He sat next to me and I handed him my champagne glass. He set them down and the second he turned to me, I kissed him right on the lips. He immediately lifted me up and placed me on his lap. I straddled him and I peeled out of my sweater. His hands roamed all over my body. He was touching me everywhere and I felt my curiosity take over. I let him kiss my neck, down to my chest, and grab my ass. He wasn't so nervous now. He was no longer stumbling because he moved like a man on a mission.

We were making out for what felt like hours. I never knew I could kiss someone so much. The attraction that I was waiting for still didn't arrive, but my curiosity and the champagne were now the designated drivers. They took over.

"Come on." I stood up and he did right after. "It's time for you to put your money where your mouth is." I smiled and we laced our fingers together. "Or in your case...put your mouth right on it." I took one of his hands and placed it right on top of it. He grabbed it and smiled.

"You really want this?" He asked with a certain grin.

"Oh, I'm so sure." I laughed. "Take me there."

He led me to his bedroom. It wasn't that large, but I wasn't there for the size anyway. I came here for a purpose. His bed was made nice and neat with black and white sheets. It was like a huge chessboard. I sat down and he stood right in front of me. He kneeled and started to remove my shoes. They clattered against the floor and his hands slowly climbed up my legs like a mountain. I laid against the bed as he got to the buttons of my jeans. He took them off and pulled ever so slightly. He moved in a way that it felt like he thought I was going to break.

"I'm not made out of glass." I remarked.

"I know." His hands scaled up my thick thighs. "I'm just making sure I remember all of this." He kissed my thighs and parted them. "And I'm going to also make sure you never forget this.

My lacey black boyshorts started to make its way down my body. I am not sure if it was the champagne or my curiosity, but I wasn't nervous at all. Brian's smile not only put me at ease, but it made me just wait for more. The first kiss shocked me. It was soft yet firm. His tongue pushed through his lips and slipped right into mine. I jumped and that's when he locked me down with his arms.

"Nope." He whispered. "You're not going anywhere."

He licked up and sucked softly at my clit. I felt myself melting but I tried to keep my composure. His tongue was running laps and I couldn't keep up. Up, down, around, and around...and I couldn't lay still. My hands grabbed on to the sheets and pulled them hard. The sheets were stripped off the bed and I moaned out loud.

"Fuck!" I cursed right after. The sheets became tangled in my fingers. I tried bringing them over my body, but Brian pulled them off of me.

"I want to see your face." He said between licks. His tongue drove deep inside me and I shot up.

"I can't take it." I moaned and tried to wriggle away, but his arms locked me in deeper.

"Take my tongue." He whispered and shoved his face deeper in me.

At that point it's like I went deaf. I couldn't hear anything. I felt my mouth moving so I was pretty sure I was still screaming for dear life, but I could not hear it. His lips still were there but now he was giving me small kisses. His lips started to vibrated and I dug my nails deep into his shoulders.

"I can't." I breathed and it felt like I was about to die. My body suddenly froze and I felt tears start to well up. No, this can't be real. The heat rushed over me and right after I felt so cool. My heartbeat started to slow down and I felt my breathing return to normal.

My body felt new. For some reason, I felt somewhat reborn and I wasn't hit with no holy water. I felt so good that I didn't even care that it was Brian that made me feel like this. This high was something else. I wanted more of it.

"Get up here." I sat up slightly and pat the spot next to me. He got up with a snicker and a hop in his step. I ignored his goofiness because I knew what I wanted. I wanted to feel that high again. "Lay down and I'm going to sit on that face."

"Do whatever you want."

This would be my first time but I didn't hesitate at all. I just straddled him and lowered myself onto his lips. Brian didn't ease it to me at all. He grabbed me down and put his tongue deep into my hole.

"Fucking shit." I cursed. Again, that heat rose back up and I knew that the high would soon follow but I wasn't ready for it yet. Needing to hold back longer, I moved my hips around and rode his face. He smacked my ass and held on to it softly as his tongue got back to work.

The rush of feelings took over my body and this time I rode the wave. With my hands gripped on to the headboard, I moved my hips as the fire and ice roared through me. Shaking all over him, he never slowed down. He still moved his tongue around catching every drop of my essence. My body started to lose all its strength and I leaned against the wall to hold me up. Finally, his tongue let me loose and next thing you know I was lying flat on the bed.

"How was it?" He asked and once again, I ignored his goofy tone. My soul was too busy floating above my body to respond. It was just enjoying this new freedom that one tongue gave me. Without meaning to, I thought back to Smith and his mouth game. It was really good and I thought it was not that bad, but Brian's tongue shitted on all of that. Now I'm here contemplating if I could get another round of it. Suddenly just thinking of that gave my body a slight energy boost. I knew what I wanted.

"Brian?" I whispered and he nodded. "Fuck me..." I trailed off.

The room fell silent and it was strange. I thought by uttering the words that all men want to hear from women they're attracted to, this rom would be filled with sounds of us grunting as our bodies collide, but it wasn't. The room was deathly silent. It was so quiet I could hear the cars driving down the street. Hmm, it sounds like it's raining a little bit.

"I think we should slow down." He said and I had to sit all the way up. The fuck did he mean by that?

"Slow down?" I repeated and he nodded his head. His face didn't have the same goofy yet cocky look like it had before. Now his face had worry all over it. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing." He tried to smile but I wasn't buying it. He could tell because he avoided looking at me by picking up my clothes. "Here you are." He whispered.

"What's going on?" I asked out loud as I put back on my pants and held on to my sweater. "You are acting weird."

"No but we should slow down."

"Slow down? How can you say that when I just sat on your face?" I chuckled. I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Pushing my hips against his crotch, I leaned into his ear. "You know you want to fuck me right now."

"It's not that I don't want to."

"Then what's going on?" I gave him a wicked smile and my hand pressed against his chest. It slid down until it got to his pants. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. My finger slid past his underwear and then squeezed. "Wait a minute."

For the next two seconds it became a game of "Where's Waldo?" Looking for his dick. I felt the flesh that lead to it, but for some reason there was this knob there. I looked up at him and he was looking away. I pulled out my hand and sat on the bed. Before I spoke, Brian pulled down his pants and there it wasn't. It's not like there was nothing there, but it was smaller than what I was use to.

"You're right, we should slow down."

Chapter 9

"How small was it?" Tasha was holding back giggles while my cousin Emmy was on her laptop. It was two days after the whole situation. We were at Tasha's home. I was washing her hair while my cousin was deep conditioning her hair using a conditioning cap. Another drawback of working at a hair salon is that your friends want you to do their hair all the time.

"Yeah, you say that it's small...but small is relative." Em smiled widely. "Give us something to compare it to."

"Like what?" I laughed towel drying Tasha's thick tresses and then added some treatment to her hair.

"Hmm." Tasha looked around and then grabbed some items off the table.

"What are you doing?" I asked and then busted out laughing even more.

In her hands Tasha held a bunch of different combs. Each one had a different length and I knew what she was getting to. With Emmy leaning forward, I knew they weren't going to let this go.

"So, is Brian this big long detangling comb or just a small comb?" She put on a conditioning cap and traded places with my cousin.

"But all the combs are the same size." Em pointed out.

"Right." I noticed.

"Oh, just tell us."

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I was now rinsing out my cousin's hair. "Are you interested?" I teased.

"You know I'm not." She shot darts at me through her eyes. "But damn, you left me hanging remember? I was in the bar and I looked up and you were gone. I thought you were with the DJ but he was still there."

"Was he?" I closed my eyes remembering how sexy the DJ was. I was so drawn to him but my curiosity won out.

"He even asked about you." She winked.

"Looks like you left quite an impression." Em looked up at me.

"What can I say?" I shrugged my shoulders but the compliment made me feel good. "What did he say?"

"Just asked about you and I told him he would have to ask you."

"You guys are going back to the bar?" Em's eyes opened wide. "Can I come this time?" She asked and Tasha and I exchanged looks.

My little cousin, Emmy, was only younger by a year and she had drinks with us before, usually at house parties, but we haven't taken her to the bar. My cousin wasn't like Tasha and me. She didn't look young, but for some reason since she was skinnier people automatically spotted that she was younger. It was too much of a risk to take her.

"I don't think I'm going back to that bar anytime soon." I admitted. "We're going to have to find a new place."

"Can I come to when you do? I got a new fake ID and this one says I just turned 21."

"You really want to go to the bar with us?" Tasha was touching her hair under the cap and I reached over and smacked her hand. "Ouch!"

"Yeah I want to have fun too." She whined.

"Fine. We'll bring you to the new place."

The next day I was back at work at the salon. It was completely empty as I waited for the stylists and owner to come in. The silence was so calming but also deafening. I tried not to think about it but I as much as attempted to forget, it didn't work. I looked at my phone and did the same dance that I've been doing for the last few days. I checked my messages and there weren't any new messages from Smith. I texted him last night asking him how he was, trying to play it cool, and yet no answer yet. Since the last time I saw him, he and I haven't really spoken. What was I doing? He was trying to tell me off but I wasn't listening.

"The Queen has arrived!" Kayin joyfully exclaimed as she walked through the doors. She swung her head wildly which caused her waist length box-braids to flail everywhere. "Good morning." She greeted me being happy as always. Kayin is the most joyous and beautiful women I met. She was always this bubbly and vivacious and it complemented her chestnut tone. Her body was in tip top shape because she lived in the gym, but she wasn't preachy about it. Kayin was just a cool chick to be around.

"Hello beautiful." She hugged me. "Young lady, I am speaking to you." She snapped her fingers in front of my face. "You can feel the doom and gloom in this place." She scrunched her lips and went straight to the windows. She opened them and the rush of cool air came in quickly. "We got to let all that bad feeling out because it'll mess up the money in here."

"Here you go with that nonsense."

"Energy attracts energy. What you put out is what you get." She was always this Zen and hippie chick, but she tells me it's what she learned back in Nigeria. "So, what is the problem?"

That's when I confessed everything about Smith that I'd been holding back from Tasha, Em, and even myself. I told her how much I really cared for him and that it hurt that he seemed to be pulling away from me.

"Do you love him?" She asked looking deeply into my eyes. I took a deep breath and searched for the answer.

"No." I told her and it felt like the truth. "But it was something like it." I looked up at her. "Is that sad?"

"It's not sad." She gave me a small smile and held my shoulder. "What would make you say that?"

"I don't know. I guess I've seen my friends go through similar situations and I should know better." Hearing the words out loud felt weird. I was aware that was how I felt but I never thought it would bubble to the surface like this. "How could I fall for this?"

"Everyone has to go through this." She stood up and ran her hands through my hair. 'No one is excluded."

"That's what my friend said."

"And besides, you don't even know what's going on. You're just assuming. I say you go and find out."

"Go?" I repeated the verb she just threw at me. "You mean as in go and find him."

"Sure, why not?"

"I don't know where he lives like that."

"But you've been to his house."

"Yeah and he drove me there."

"Did he drive you back?"

My eyes opened wide. Why the fuck haven't I thought of that? I was relying on archaic and old rules of dating which stated I couldn't show Smith my true feelings. I had to make sure he liked me before I told him how I felt. With all these rules and games, I never thought of going to see Smith. If that thought bothered to come into my mind, I would see that I had his address on my phone the whole time. He gave me the money to get home, but I used Uber on my app and reimbursed myself with his money later.

"Oh shit." I cursed and took out my phone. Didn't take me long to find his address.

"You want to go?"

My fingers drummed against my knees as we were on our way to Smith's place. We had to wait until it was 4 after the salon was closed. Even though many hours had passed, I was still nervous as hell. My heart was beating so loudly I could hear it over the music that Kayin was playing in her car. No matter the situation, she was still her happy go lucky self. She was humming along to the song while tapping her fingers on her steering wheel.

"You nervous?" She questioned me as she caught me staring at her.

"I don't want to be but I am." The neighborhood started to look familiar. "We're getting close." I whispered and bit my bottom lip. "Really close." Kayin just stared straight ahead and her GPS told her she had to turn left and she would arrive at her destination. Turning out to the window, I let the air hit me hoping that the words I had to say would come to just as easily. All this time had passed and I still didn't know what I was going to say to him.

"Aww look at those two kids in their matching outfits." Kayin squealed out of nowhere. I followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at a woman walking two kids, a boy and girl, and they both were wearing matching Mickey and Minnie Mouse outfits. "They look so cute." She blew them kisses as one waved at her. "How old are they? " She asked out the window and I shook my head. Did she forget that we were here on a mission?

"They are 36 months." She gleamed and Kayin looked over at me.

"I asked for their age and now I got to do math?" She joked.

"3 years old." I informed her.

"Oh." She turned back to the woman. "They are so cute."

"Yeah, I got lucky with twins, I'm not having anymore."

"Aw well you at you make cute babies."

"Well we got lucky." She started walking away. "Say goodbye Christina and Smith Jr."

That's when my ears perked up. I was halfway listening to Kayin entertain this conversation but now she had my full attention. My heart started beating even faster but I had to make it chill. This was not the time for me to have a heart attack of something of that nature. I needed to get all the info, but I had to be smart.

"Smith Jr?" I questioned. "Not Smith's baby?" I asked with a smile leaning forward. The mother stopped short in the street and turned around.

"Yeah..." She was suspicious and she had the right to be. Two bitches in a car asking about her kids and her man? This whole this is sus.

"I think my boyfriend knows him from high school. I think he told me that Smith works construction or something." I was pretending like I didn't know what I was talking about. Her face was more at ease after I mentioned that I was in a relationship, but even though I was in the car, I could still feel the tension.

"Yeah he does." He answers were short but I had to press on.

"Just hope he got rid of his eyebrow piercing because my man kept his." I rolled my eyes. She was quiet for a bit but then there came a small laugh.

"No Smith still has his." She shook her head. "I keep telling him to get rid of it."

"You know how men are." My insides were twisting up but I smiled at her.

Kayin got the vibe and drove away. The car was silent. She didn't even put back on the music at all. The sounds of outside filled the car, my heart, but not my head. It was noisy enough. Thoughts of everything that just happened made my head pound.

"What's going on? What do you want to do?" She kept asking me but I didn't have the energy to answer. She looked over at me and just said, "How about we get something to eat?"

Chapter 10

The bar was blasting with mariachi music. I don't know what I was expecting when I took Kayin's offer for dinner, but Mexican bar certainly wasn't it. The loud music, the smell of tequila, and the delicious aroma of food should have made me happy, but I was still a bit sad. Before we got to the restaurant, I texted Smith one more time. I thought maybe I would get some answers. I asked him how old his niece and nephew were because I heard of a photo contest. Unlike the other text messages, I sent, he answered saying that they were three-year-old twins and he asked for the link. I haven't answered him yet.

"Their frozen margaritas are the best." Kayin leaned over and told me after we were seated. I had enough strength to give her a smile but not enough to make it look sincere. "You can't let this get you down."

"How could this happen?"

"Things like this happen. It isn't your fault. You met someone, you liked someone, and that someone turned out to be an assh-" She cut herself off. Cursing wasn't in her Zen nature. She smiled at me and then continued, "And the person you met wasn't so nice." She chuckled. "But everything you go through in life is a lesson. I don't want you to write this off and become sad Cleo. I want to embrace it and be stronger."

"How are you always happy?"

"Why would I want to waste my time being sad?" She signaled for the waiter. "May I please have a strawberry frozen margarita?" She was always so polite. "And the birthday girl here," She pointed at me. "She would like a watermelon frozen margarita."

"It's her birthday?" HIs eyes opened wide like she said that it was his birthday instead of mine.

"Yes, it is." She continued the lie.

"Well the all the drinks are on the house."

The night actually turned out to be great. The staff was so fun and nice to me. No matter how hard I tried to stay gloomy, it was hard to do that when we were laughing and dancing with the music. They went from mariachi music, to trap music, to reggaetón, to dancehall, and to music of my mother's country, Kompa. It was impossible to stay sad.

"Feliz cumpleanos!" Our server screamed from the back while walking towards me with a birthday cake that had one sparkler in it. Suddenly the lights went low and the whole bar and restaurant broke out in the traditional birthday song. The smiles on everyone's face, the way their eyes lit up, and the sounds of their voices coming together in harmony, made me start tearing up. It had me so emotional that I wished it was really my birthday.

"You got to make a wish!" Kayin was clapping and smiling so hard I thought maybe she really thought it was my birthday too.

"It won't come true."

"Make a wish!" She requested again but it didn't really feel like a request. So, I shrugged my shoulders, closed my eyes, and blew out the sparkler.

The whole restaurant broke out in applause and the small chocolate cake was set right in front of me.

"I'm super jelly of you." Kayin was drooling over it. "Like you have this cake and look at me with no cake." She stuck out her lips and I rolled my eyes. Cutting her a slice of the cake and handing it to her, I felt something weird. It felt like someone was watching me. There was this heat on me but I didn't want to turn around and see who it was. As good as I was feeling tonight, I didn't want to risk it slipping away all because I would get into a staring contest with a stranger. I don't care if It's some guy who wants to fuck me sideways, tonight is about me...and my fake birthday.

"Take on meeeeee." I started singing the songs of the 80s as we hit outside.

"Okay birthday girl." She joked as she watched me do the Carlton dance in the streets. People watched me and laughed but I didn't care, I felt good. Kayin wasn't lying. This night was exactly what I needed. Thoughts of Smith having a whole family were replaced by me singing and dancing. Being around happy ass Kayin paid off.

"Thank you so much for tonight." I hugged her tightly. "I needed this. I really fucking needed this."

"It's okay." She chuckled. "Anytime." While in her arms, that feeling came up again. The heat was hitting me and I knew someone was looking at me. Fueled by the liquor I looked towards where I felt the heat.

"Oh wow."

I was shocked to say the least. It wasn't something that I saw coming at all. I started blinking slowly because I thought that maybe the liquor was making me hallucinate.

"Do you know each other?" Kayin's voice broke me out my trance. All of a sudden, I remembered where I was. I was outside of the restaurant, but for a few seconds there, I was back in the place where we met. I looked at my friend Kayin. Her face had a million questions all over it. So, I turned back to the face and those eyes. Those eyes had me trapped back then and I was still stuck in them now.

"Yes." I spoke softly. "We know each other."

"So, you going to introduce me or am I going to have to guess?" Kayin crossed her arms in a silly way. She was giggling and laughing; completely unaware of what was happening.

"My bad." I finally regained my composure. "This is my friend Kayin and this is Julia. She's a client of the salon and Mandy is her stylist." I rattled off some basic info. "She came in to get her hair done one day and I did it for her."

"You?" Kayin's laughter was even louder now. "It's like pulling teeth to get you to wash some hair." She added and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well she did my hair and it was a great job."

"Wow, I can't believe you did someone's hair willingly" Kayin was still laughing looking at me. She turned back to Julia. "What type of magic do you have?"

Me and Julia looked at each other and shared a secret smile.

End of Part One

