

Leopard's Kin

 978-0-9878097-1-1

Becky Norman

Published by Becky Norman at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Becky Norman

Discover other titles by Becky Norman at Smashwords.com:

All the Courses Run

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Prologue

It was still a clumsy business when Noel Tecumseh picked up this particular body and started using it again. He hadn't mastered the art of spanning time and space with ease and frequently felt disjointed when he came back to a specific spot. He had to adjust to the limited dimensions of this 5'11" male body, with its indigenous overtones and heavier density. Just moments ago he was light, sound and the empty spaces between matter; the next he was taking on a lower vibration like one would drag on a heavy, woollen sweater.

When he regained consciousness, his forehead was pressed against the cool glass window of his much-loved, often-used pick-up truck. He stirred, blinking, and took a deep breath. He took a few more to get the lungs working properly then gingerly wiggled his toes inside a pair of well-worn cowboy boots. The muscles were starting to function now, too.

The truck appeared to be parked in the country - a long expanse of gravel road stretched ahead of him, framed on either side by fields of corn and soybeans with the occasional tree acting as sentinel. He could smell wet earth, a dizzying perfume of lilacs growing along the fields around him and just a hint of manure drifting down on the breeze from a farm that was visible in his rear view mirror.

Noel sat up straighter in the truck, brushing the thick, wavy strands of deep brown hair away from his forehead as he continued to look around. He was parked next to a log home just barely visible behind a screen of cedars across the road. He squinted through the branches - it was early in the dawn and the place was quiet.

He was debating what to do when he saw the big brown tabby cat heading straight toward his truck. It was jogging with a purpose, looking neither left nor right as it came on and Noel watched it, bemused.

It paused at the corner of the log home's driveway and brushed itself against the mailbox, looking straight at Noel. He opened the truck door, the squeaking of the hinges sounding particularly loud in the dawn's silence and he cringed. The tabby turned to look at him and Noel held still in invitation. The cat checked the roadway and then crossed toward him. Noel slipped out of the truck - still holding the doorframe for support as he adjusted to the feel of this body - and smiled as the tabby chattered at him as it approached.

"Namasté, brother," Noel called softly as he watched the cat come.

They brushed against each other momentarily - welcoming each other to a new world - then the cat turned and started jogging down the road.

Noel walked around the truck several times, swinging his arms, placing his feet carefully, getting used to the capabilities of his body once more.

He was back. For what purpose, he hadn't a clue, but he was fairly certain if he followed the cat, he'd learn the answer sooner or later.

Chapter 1

The horse was doing a lot of rearing as Lori Pate stood at a safe angle and kept the pressure on, asking for him to longe in a circle around her. It made for good theatrics as she demonstrated these "natural horsemanship" training techniques to the crowd of 8-10 adults watching. Good theatrics, but it was tiring for both her and the horse as he towered over her once again and she remained ever-vigilant of those lethal, striking front hooves.

"Now remember," she shouted out to her audience as she side-stepped back into position and continued tapping the big gelding on the side of the neck with her training stick, "stay at a 45-degree angle to his shoulder – that way, you're out of reach of both the front hooves if he tries to strike and the rear legs if he tries to kick."

She tugged hard on the lead rope and rope halter as he came down from the heights, keeping his head tipped towards her, and avoiding his powerful hindquarters. Her other arm was getting tired from the tapping, but she gritted her teeth as he popped into the air again and kept going.

"See, we can't stop him from rearing. But he'll get tired of it soon – it takes a lot out of them to do this. He's learned his whole life to intimidate people this way, so we can't stop now or we'll be teaching him this is the answer. We have to keep applying pressure until he tries something else – until he finds the right answer."

The words were no sooner out of her mouth than the gelding leapt forward and to the side, starting a brisk, trotting circle around her. Lori immediately dropped her stick hand into a neutral position and breathed a silent prayer of gratitude that she got a brief respite.

"There!" she affirmed. "He got the right answer; immediately remove the pressure. That's his reward."

Lori kept her eyes focused on the gelding, waiting for him to settle a little more before she would ask him to stop and try the departure again. He was a beautiful horse: a tall, red chestnut with flaxen mane and tail. Anglo-Arab, they called the breed – a Thoroughbred/Arabian cross. He floated above the ground as he trotted around her, his tail arched like a flag behind him, the crest of his neck all Arabian, too. Gorgeous, maybe. But a powder keg waiting to explode if he wasn't trained properly.

She pulled him up, with cues she'd already taught him, and rubbed on him with the stick while she let him get a little of his wind back.

"Lots of rubbing with the stick between his eyes serves two purposes. It shows him the stick is nothing to be afraid of and it reinforces the idea in his brain that looking at you equals a rest."

The gelding's eye softened a bit and he lowered his head imperceptibly. That was Lori's cue to try a second time.

"Okay, let's start again," she said as she adjusted the lead rope and stick in her hands. "Remember that it's always ugly in the beginning and horses usually pick something up on the third try, so we're on our way."

The horse snapped to attention as she raised her right hand into the air this time, his nostrils flaring at her active body language.

"So what are the steps?" she asked her group. "First?"

"Point up high in the direction you want him to go," somebody called out.

"Second?" she asked as she started swinging the stick with her left hand.

"Swing the stick in a circle three times," another voice responded.

"That's right. You've got three chances to move, buddy, and then we up the pressure."

On the second swing of the stick the horse gave a half-rear and started looking for a way out. Lori completed the third arc with the stick and the chestnut still hadn't moved away and to the side.

"You're out of chances – move!" Lori said as she moved towards the gelding and tapped him on the side of the neck.

He thought about rearing again – Lori could see it in his eyes – but at the last second he leaped to the right and started his effortless trot around her again.

"That was a lot better," Lori informed the crowd. "Just one little rear this time and then he remembered the answer. He might be what they call a 'hot' horse, but he catches on quickly. A few thousand more times and this horse will be a pro."

The group laughed politely and the training continued.

It felt like hours later when Lori finally took a break. She stopped to lean against one of the rails of the roundpen and chugged a second bottle of water down. Removing her dusty, worn cowboy hat, she shook her long, thick black hair out of its ponytail and revelled in the breeze that pulled at it. She massaged her scalp briefly, put some water in her hands and rubbed that through her hair, too, then gathered it all back up to be wrapped with the elastic band.

"Lori?" Shannon called to her, as she approached with a check in her hand. "I know we agreed on a hundred dollars, but there's a little extra in there since you had to do so much with Renny today."

Renny – short for Renegade – was the big chestnut gelding and Shannon was his owner. Lori had met Shannon only a few short months ago, when Lori had moved to the area after getting married, but the two had become fast friends. Shannon was a petite, nutmeg-haired, refined-looking lady. Her delicate features and slim build gave a false sense of fragility that was shattered for Lori the first time she had visited Shannon's barn. When she arrived on this sprawling 100-acre compound known as FairWind Farms, Lori had seen Shannon working with a massive Warmblood stallion in their outdoor ring. Aside from instructing others, Shannon was an accomplished rider in her own right, focusing primarily on dressage, and her effortless way of commanding the 17-hand stallion to do intricate manoeuvres in tight collection had impressed Lori. This little woman was no one to trifle with.

Lori had, in fact, offered to do some training on one of Shannon's yearlings that was giving her some particular problems, in exchange for some riding lessons on better seat and balance. Even though Lori's own sport of choice, barrel-racing, seemed a far cry from the elegance of dressage, both Shannon and Lori knew that balance was balance and if you sat properly on your horse, you would excel at whatever discipline you focused on. That month of learning from each other had solidified their friendship and now Shannon called on Lori whenever she brought a new horse onto the property. Shannon had loved the suppleness and response Lori developed in her horses and wanted them to learn from the start what the expectations would be at FairWind Farms. Lori put the foundation on them and Shannon refined.

Lori took the check and smiled at Shannon.

"That wasn't necessary – I've had worse," she answered the older woman.

As Lori looked at the check and saw it was double the agreed-upon rate, she gasped.

"Shannon! I can't take this much – it's only a couple days' work!"

"Nonsense," Shannon said, lightly pushing the check back to Lori. "You had your work cut out for you with all that rearing, you had a crowd to contend with on top of it all, and besides, I know things haven't been easy for you, newly married and trying to make a go of it. You're too good of a trainer to lose your business just as it's taking off. Take the check."

Lori could only shake her head mutely as she swallowed some of her pride. She knew she was blessed to have a friend like Shannon.

"Thank you," she whispered, then tucked the check into the front pocket of her dusty jeans so it wouldn't cause her to crumble emotionally.

Shannon gave her a one-armed hug around her waist and then steered her towards a couple of other people who had observed the training. "I hope you brought business cards," Shannon whispered in Lori's ear. "They were very impressed."

**********

When Lori got back to the hobby farm she and her husband had recently purchased in Delhi, Ontario, Cody's truck was already in the driveway. She clambered out of her own, beat-up Outlander, and groaned as her 21-year-old muscles protested the fact they'd been inactive during the 30-minute drive home. It was only May – she was going to have to get her body in shape if she was going to get through the summer horse-training season.

"Hey, good-lookin'," Cody called as he came from the hay shed back out to the truck. Her big, blond husband, rippling with muscles, picked up a 50-pound bag of horse feed with ease and Lori paused to admire his hard body flexing with the load in his arms. She loved the way the sunlight caught the highlights in the waves of his tawny hair. He walked over to her and they gave each other a lingering kiss before Cody adjusted the bag on his shoulder.

"Come walk with me and tell me how the day went," he suggested.

"Give me a second, okay? I'll grab my training gear and take it back to the tack room."

Lori could feel his eyes on her as she leaned in through the car's open window and snagged the duffle bag full of the tools of her trade: rope halter and extra-long lead, spray bottles full of water, hair clippers, tie rings, plastic bags and balloons – all things to desensitize skittish horses, plus receipt books and waivers of liability. She picked up the training stick with her other hand and straightened up to find Cody watching her every move and shaking his head.

"What?" she asked self-consciously.

Cody uttered a mild expletive with an impish grin then explained, "You have got one fine body."

"Oh, stop it," Lori said with a laugh. "You'll get sick of it soon enough, once the honeymoon is over," she teased.

"Hardly," Cody replied as he patted her on the rump and they started walking to the shed. "The honeymoon was over three months ago. I'm an old married guy now, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Right. Silly of me." Lori swished the training stick through the grass as they walked along.

"So, how did the training go at Shannon's?"

"Good. That new horse of hers is a pistol, but if she works with him consistently, she should have good results. I handed out a few more business cards and she paid me double what I asked."

Cody adjusted the load on his shoulder. "Good ol' Shannon. That definitely could not have come at a better time. We'll need to get the kittens spayed and neutered soon – we should earmark your money from today for that."

"Good idea. I'll cash the check on Monday and put it in our slush fund with a note on it."

The kittens were a brother and sister set of grey tabbies by the names of Luke and Leia. At 12 weeks' old, they were becoming tiny terrors, but they definitely livened up the place and gave Lori something to distract her when Cody was away on business trips, scouting out talent in the horse world and matching the right rider to the right animal.

Cody had a natural ability in reading the skills and qualities of both humans and horses. Lori could easily vouch for that: she had first met Cody three years ago, when she was 18 and looking for a barrel-racing prospect. Cody had found her the beautiful bay gelding, Piper, who had since become her lifelong partner and champion of two seasons on the circuit. They had come home with numerous ribbons and earnings, but Lori had given up on barrel racing, at least for the present. With the chaos of planning the wedding, moving into their own place and trying to get established with income, Lori realized she needed to focus on bringing in more money than she was shelling out on entrance fees and tack. So she had turned to training other people's horses – and teaching the humans, as well – something she had discovered she had a natural talent for, just as Cody had found his niche at the tender age of 18.

"Natural Horsemanship" was all the rage these days, but Lori knew the concepts and principles used in so many programs had been around for centuries. The gentler method of working with the horse had been overshadowed in the days of the Wild West by the need to get a horse "broke" quickly and ruthlessly. Unfortunately, most of those horses had given in to their riders out of fear, rather than respect, and the majority of "well-broke" animals introduced to humans in that way were essentially beaten down. Lori, instead, used a variety of different trainers' methods that she'd studied since she was old enough to ride and became the partner of the horse. She corrected where necessary but viewed the whole experience as a teacher working with a student, not as a brute breaking the horse's essential spirit in order to get cooperation and respect.

So far, it had worked well for her. She had given numerous demonstrations at the start, fully aware that word-of-mouth would be the best way of gaining clients. She and Cody had moved to their own farm after the wedding so that she could work with a variety of horses throughout the day and give free demonstrations on the weekends, allowing people to see what she was all about. Luckily, Piper had been a quick student of the methods she'd developed and it was only a few months after beginning his training that they were able to do elaborate "at liberty" programs for the people who came to see what she did.

It was impressive stuff, even to Lori. She would never have dreamed as a youngster that she would be able to turn her horse loose in a 100 x 200-foot riding arena and have that animal canter attentive, perfect circles around her in the middle of the ring. She would have laughed at anyone who would have told her that a horse with no halter, bridle or saddle could do flying lead changes and then trot diagonally across the arena from one corner to the other with only the slightest leg pressure from its bareback rider. And yet Piper was doing it every weekend for people who gasped in amazement while a smiling Lori directed him through various manoeuvres. As they witnessed how fluidly and easily Lori and Piper worked together, they wanted it for themselves and came to her afterwards, asking when she was available to come work with their horses. Lori's agenda had quickly filled up.

On Cody's suggestion, she had also gone to some of the local auctions and picked up four horses that had already been started and were of riding age. She got them cheap because she targeted the "problem" horses that were healthy and sound, but unrideable because of behavioural issues. Within a month, she had all of them ready to be sold again – this time, to a rider of any ability because of the intensive training she had put into them. With Cody's keen eye at the auction ring, they had picked up some beauties and because of his connections, they already had two prospective buyers that would make them a handsome profit. Things looked promising and they were becoming solid partners, both in business and as husband-and-wife.

After dropping their bundles in the tack room / feed room combination, Cody wrapped his arms around Lori and gave her a deep squeeze and soft kiss on the neck. "I'm very proud of you, you know," he whispered in the closest ear. "You've done a great job with those horses. I think I might have another buyer for the palomino mare, too."

Lori returned the hug and looked up at her tall husband. "Really? Then I'm proud of you, too."

Cody laughed in his self-deprecating way and pinched her gently before releasing her. "You little bugger – is nothing I do enough for you?" he asked in mock exasperation. She laughed back at him and they walked arm-in-arm up to the house.

While Cody and Lori both came from a long line of farmers and horse people, both families lived quite a distance from Delhi, where the newlywed couple had chosen to start their life together. Cody's father had died six years ago in a farming accident (when Cody was 15 years old) and his mother had opted to sell the farm to Cody's older brother, Jesse, and move into a condo in Toronto last year. Jesse had offered to keep Cody on at the farm near Niagara-on-the-Lake, but when Cody had met Lori and they had begun discussing a future together, he had opted to make a clean break of it.

Lori's family farm was situated closer to the American border near Windsor, and like Cody, there were older siblings who would be first in line to get the established farm. Instead, Lori and Cody had done some research and found a nice plot of land, with 10 acres of good horse pasture outside of Delhi, which allowed them to be equidistant from all the people they loved. Since they were new to the area, they had to learn as they went such things as which contractor was reliable when building the 8-stall horse barn, and who would fix their wood furnace at a reasonable price. There had definitely been a dramatic learning curve for the two 21-year-olds, but they were in love and resilient and every day was treated as a new adventure.

The house itself was a starting point and nothing fancy. It was a small log cabin, with a good-sized master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms that they were currently using as offices. The bedrooms were upstairs, allowing the main level to be designed in an open concept, with the kitchen and dining room to the left of the front door and the living room to the right. It was modest in size and the majority of the appliances were out-dated but even then they never would have been able to afford the place if their parents had not pitched in some of the money and added their names to the mortgage.

The real value was in the land: lush, improved-grass pastures that had been left behind by the former owners, who had bred Friesian horses. It also came with a much-coveted indoor riding arena to the left of the house and an outdoor sand riding arena behind that, where Lori had already been doing her demonstrations. The barn where the Friesians had been kept was in disrepair so Lori and Cody had taken the large gamble of razing it to the ground and building the horse barn and tack-and-feed room combination instead, directly behind the house. That had set them back almost as much as the initial mortgage, so financially it was going to be tight for awhile but they had high hopes for the use they would get out of the 8-stall barn. Between renting it out to others who were sending their horses to Lori for training and using it to house purchased horses that Lori would train quickly and re-sell in high turn-around, they were hoping the barn would pay for itself within five years. The only two horses that would actually be a financial burden were their own – Piper, Lori's 7-year-old Quarter Horse, and Ebony, a black Percheron mare that Cody had purchased impulsively for jousting.

The two horses were an unlikely combination, Ebony standing almost a foot taller than Piper at the withers, but they had fallen instantly in love and were inseparable now. If Cody had bought the mare as a joke in one of his wilder moments of fantasy he was now forced into keeping her by an enamoured little Quarter Horse who insisted on following the heavy black mare everywhere she wandered.

The two horses were standing at the gate of the pasture to the side of the house as Lori and Cody walked by, so the couple went over to say hello before heading into the house. Ebony, in her typical fashion, was all lips, searching for treats in Cody's pockets, expecting her due as a beautiful Percheron. Cody laughed and gently pushed away the mare's big head. "Go away, you greedy thing," he said lightly.

Lori shook her head with a mild degree of censure while she scratched a grateful Piper's ears. "You know, you really should get after her more for that. It's not a game. One of these days, she might bite down on one of those pockets and the Cody Pate line will come to an end."

Cody grinned and shook his head dismissively. "Nah, she'd never do that. She's a gentle giant. It's only your horse that has carnivorous tendencies."

"Hey, don't pick on the Quarter Horse. That was over two years ago that he bit me and he's learned some respect since then. Unlike your big behemoth," Lori stated as she pushed Ebony's questing lips away a little less gently.

With a final pat to both, the couple said farewell and resumed their path to the house.

Chapter 2

Lori waited at Pearson International Airport with Cody's favourite brand of coffee on the following Thursday evening, pleased to be welcoming him back from another business trip. Balancing the cup behind him as she got a long, tight hug, she took a deep breath in and exhaled with contentment. He smelled of his favourite cologne with just an underlying hint of horse and leather. The perfect cowboy, she thought to herself as she released him and stood back to present the cup.

He laughed in delight and kissed her lightly on the nose. "How's everything at the farm?" he asked as he picked up his carry-on and tossed it lightly over his shoulder.

"All's well. Horses are good, kittens are tiny terrors like normal, Shannon's thinking about buying a really expensive Arabian to use for Competitive Trail – I don't know where she gets these ideas, but they always seem to work for her – and Sam Dennymede called while you were gone. He says he has a 'proposition' for you. I shudder to think. I invited him and Rita over for supper tomorrow night, if that's ok with you?"

Cody steered her towards the exit doors and they made their way over to the parking garage. "Should be alright. I don't think there's much going on, unless you plan on doing a demo at the house this weekend?"

Lori shook her head and tucked a resulting loose strand of hair back behind her ear. "No, I had advertised one for next weekend in the Horse Trader so I'll take my time getting ready for that one."

She watched him put his bag in the back of the Outlander and nudged him lightly with her elbow.

"What about you? Did you get that colt for Rick?" She made her way over to the passenger side of the car and waited for him to unlock the doors.

"Nah," Cody said as he slid into the driver's seat. "Prices are really starting to skyrocket for Pepto' babies and I couldn't justify what they were asking for what Rick is going to do with it. It was a good-looking colt, though – Rick definitely has a vision. I told him I'd keep my eyes open for prospects and let him know if anything pops up."

The next evening felt like déjà-vu for Lori, as she sat at their dining room table, speaking to Rita and Sam Dennymede about bloodlines once again. Sam and Rita had been long-time friends of Cody's father and had made the 2-hour drive on a Friday evening to speak to Cody. Lori knew only something near and dear to Sam's heart would have convinced him to make such a trip.

He got to the point as she was serving up the chocolate fudge bundt cake, coffee and tea after supper. "I've decided to get out of the roping horse business, Cody, and focus on my reiners," the grizzled, older man said as he leaned back in his chair and patted his belly.

Lori had always thought of Sam as an older version of Hoss from the TV show Bonanza. He worked hard but he also lived well and had the paunch and heavy jowls to prove it. "That was a mighty fine supper there, Lori," he said as he winked at her and took the proffered cake.

She smiled back at him and then turned to Rita. "I've got ice cream, too – would you like some on your cake?"

Rita was much slimmer than her husband and more delicate of feature, but a rancher's wife for all that and tough as nails behind the make-up and layers of jewellery. She'd also spent years in the sun and had the dark, leathered look to her skin that such women sported. She shook her head vehemently at Lori's offer. "Oh, Heavens no. That's the last thing we need, is more calories!"

Lori handed her a plate and then served up Cody's while Sam continued on with his plans. "I've been going to a lot of horse shows this year with the grandkids, you know, and I'm telling you, Cody – reining is going to be the next big thing in this country. You should just see the amount of money those competitors are dropping on their tack, their riding outfits and their horses."

Cody nodded and stirred his coffee reflectively. "You've got a few nice mares in your herd already, Sam, that I think you could use."

Sam leaned forward and slapped Cody on the shoulder. "Already ahead of you, son," he crowed. "I've got them bred to Smart Chic Olena lines this year but I want my own stallion to bring along."

Cody raised a fair eyebrow at him. "That's pretty ambitious, Sam. You sure you want to get that involved with this?"

Rita looked up at him with a blend of curiosity and caution. "Why? Do you have concerns with that, Cody?"

Cody gave Rita a gentle look then lowered his eyes to the tablecloth, deep in thought. "Not really. I agree that the reining market is starting to boom, but a stallion.... That's a huge commitment. You're essentially getting back into the breeding business full-time when you do that. Are you sure you want that kind of responsibility at—?" Cody stopped abruptly, realizing how the question would sound.

"At our age, you mean?" Sam boomed out a laugh as Cody turned red. "I'm only in my sixties, kid – I'm not dead yet! Besides, I've bred before – I'm pretty sure the stallion and the vets have most of the work cut out for them, right?" He winked again and shovelled a huge forkful of cake into his mouth with a grin.

Cody smiled over his coffee cup at Lori and subtly shrugged his shoulders at her. She knew he was wondering where this was leading. "It sounds like your mind's made up then, Sam. What do you need from me?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, I thought that was obvious, son. I need a stallion! Now, mind – it doesn't have to be well-established or anything like that. I can't afford millions, you know. No, I'm just looking for a two-year-old – or weanling, even – that I can develop into the next great sire. And I know you can spot potential better than anybody in these parts. What kinds of lines should I be looking for?"

Cody leaned back in his chair and exhaled softly. "Well, let's see...aside from the obvious, like Smart Chic Olena and Wimpy's Little Step, you've got Topsail Whiz, Hollywood Dun It, Nu Chex to Cash, Custom Crome and Shining Spark. But you know what?" Cody said with more excitement in his voice, as he leaned forward again and let the idea carry him, "I think I'd be inclined to look more at something like Highbrow Cat, Skipper W or maybe even something from the Driftwood line. They're great, versatile horses."

Sam had a huge smile on his face as he looked over at his wife. "You see? I told you he'd be able to rattle off a couple hundred names for us, just like that." He snapped a meaty thumb and forefinger and chuckled.

Lori beamed at her husband, but then gave a mock groan as he untangled his long legs from under the table and got up. "In fact," Cody said as he walked away, "I've just recently received some information from the AQHA about the Western States Horse Expo Sale going on in Sacramento in June. There were a bunch of horses with those lines coming up for sale, I saw."

Cody retrieved several sheets of paper from a stand they kept by the door to hold mail and brought it back to the dining room to show Sam. "I printed this off last week – it's a list of all the horses entered into the sale."

Lori and Rita sighed with resignation and removed the plates from the table. Both women had been around horsemen enough to know when an idea sprang to life in this way, there was no hope for it but to let it run its course. By the end of the evening, as Rita and Sam were standing at the door and saying their farewells, Sam and Cody had already firmed up plans to fly to Sacramento in three weeks' time.

Chapter 3

The days grew longer and the sometimes-cool evenings of May gave way to a June full of sunshine and warmth. It rained just enough for the hay to grow, but not enough for it to be an inconvenience when cutting and baling, and Lori and Cody were able to lay claim to two thousand small, square bales of high-quality grass hay from a local supplier. Cody grimaced as he wrote the cheque then made arrangements for it to be picked up in instalments. They would need to break it up into July, October, and December shipments since their outbuildings weren't large enough to hold more than 800 bales at a time. Reluctant he may have been to part with so much money at once, but Lori felt nothing but relief in knowing that they had enough feed to get their horses through a full year.

Considering they still had about 50 bales left from the stash of last-year's hay they'd convinced Cody's brother, Jesse, to sell them, Lori felt optimistic they would have enough to see them through until she picked up the new shipment in July. She filled a wheelbarrow full of the older hay and rolled it out to sit beside the feed room door, in preparation for the evening's feeding. Horses were sensitive creatures, needing the same food and the same routine on a daily basis in order to be truly healthy. Knowing this, Lori planned to gradually integrate the old hay with the new when it arrived and then gradually wean them on to nothing but the new hay by the end of July.

She also ensured that the horses' daily routine was kept to a minimum of disruption. Awakened at 6:00 a.m. with Lori's entrance to the barn, they listened to her preparing the "good stuff" – traditionally a warm bran mash, or soaked beet pulp – in the "kitchen" of the feed room. That was usually enough time to get a horse like Ebony drooling in anticipation and caused even the more relaxed members of their herd to shuffle or pace in their stalls. She would then make a tour of the barn, throwing a couple of flakes of hay in each stall to keep the horses occupied until the food that required water had time to soften up. As she dumped the hay, she would do a quick visual inspection of each horse to ensure all four legs were still on the ground and they looked healthy and alert.

Then it was back into the feed room to stir the mash or pulp and add any necessary vitamins or supplements, specific to each horse's needs. Those were dumped into feed buckets labelled in marker with each horse's name, and wheeled around in another cart. Dumping this into the corner feeders in each stall also gave Lori the opportunity to train the horses on manners at feeding time. If it required haltering them and working them in the stall to back away and come up only when invited, then she would take the time to do it. They usually caught on quite quickly that if they wanted to get fed, they'd better honour her space when she arrived with the food.

While they ate, Lori would clean tack or tidy the barn and by 9:00 the horses were ready to be turned out for exercise. If they were trained well enough, she would take two at a time to speed the process up; if they were new in the barn she would take them one at a time and use it as another opportunity for training. Today, the four horses up for sale were out in the riding arena. With the grass still young and bright green, early in the summer, she would only allow them to graze in small increments at a time. It took some adjusting for their stomachs to get used to the rich, fresh grass after eating hay all winter and she was cautious not to risk a bout of colic or laminitis by letting them gorge too early in the year.

Ebony and Piper had a two-tiered pasture for this reason, as well. The one was smaller and considered a "sacrifice" area – no grass grew there any longer, but it was large enough that the horses could get into a canter if they felt the urge to kick up their heels and stretch their legs in the winter. At the back of this area was a fence that opened up into a 3-acre pasture where they could spend their summers, grazing to their stomach's content, and chase each other around in earnest.

Once all the horses were out for the day, Lori rolled up her sleeves and got to the dirty work – mucking eight stalls. While they used pellets for bedding that turned into a lightweight equivalent of scoopable kitty litter when moistened, it was still a large amount of work for one person to do by herself. Lori usually stopped half-way through and took a break, munching on a granola bar and drinking the bottle of water she brought with her from the house, as she perched on a bale of hay. Then it was back to work, shaking the salvageable shavings away from the manure, dumping what couldn't be saved, and wheeling barrows-full out to the manure pile behind the barn. She would scrub water buckets if needed and refill them and then put the evening's hay in the stalls so that when the horses came in at sundown, everything was ready for them.

"All they need is the mint on the pillow," Lori muttered under her breath, with a smile.

**********

Lori poked her head into Cody's office, where he was busy scanning websites for horses for sale, and tapped lightly on the door. "Hey you," she called, and smiled as he spun around in his chair with an answering grin. She noticed that he was starting to let his hair grow out and there was now a definite wave to the blond locks. If he let it grow long enough, he would have soft curls – something he was acutely embarrassed by, as he had told her when they first met. He had recounted horror stories to her of his mother and sisters fawning over his head, wanting to style it with ribbons and pins when he was a youngster.

"Hi Beautiful," he greeted her. "What's up?"

She walked into the room and sat down on the futon they had stored in this office for guests. "I just wanted to see how you were doing with your plans for the day. I was going to grab some lunch then start the afternoon's training with the four we've got up for sale."

Cody inched his chair closer to her and ran his work-worn hands across the knees of her jeans and down her calves, caressing her with a glint in his blue eyes.

"Don't get any ideas, Cody," she protested with a laugh as she pushed his hands away. "I've got a lot of work to get done today, even if you don't."

"Geez, you can be so cruel," he said as his hands evaded her attempts to push him away and found their way up the outside of her thighs. He slid his chair closer until the heat and the strength of him were enveloping her and she was pinned. She sighed in surrender and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, melting to his kiss, if only for the moment.

They broke apart to catch their breath and she brought her hands down onto his chest as a barrier. "Very nice," she whispered with a grin, "but don't distract me. I've a lot to get done yet today."

Cody kissed her lightly on the forehead and put some distance between them. "You can be frustratingly practical at times, you know," he jokingly accused. He twisted slightly in his chair so that he could stretch behind them and shut off his computer with a few flicks of his mouse. "I was hoping you'd do all you could to please me since I'm off to California soon. How on earth are we going to start these babies our mothers want so much if we can't...ahem...connect?" He turned back to look at her with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

Lori shook her head vehemently, glaring at him. "I'm grateful for every one of these trips, then. There is no way we can afford to have a baby right now. Don't even think about it! And it wouldn't just be another mouth to feed – it would mean I couldn't train horses for at least a few months in there, between carrying a baby and then taking care of it after it's born. And lest you forget, I really did want to look into going to university for some business or farm management courses."

Because they had married so young, Lori had sacrificed that particular part of her life to get their life established here. Still, she had no intentions of giving up on that dream if she could help it. She wanted to learn as much as she could about how to make her horse training business successful.

Cody's eyes had gone a soft blue, with a wistfulness in them that surprised Lori. "Yeah, I know," he said in an entirely different tone of voice from the teasing he'd been doing moments before. "But still...I can't wait until you're carrying my child some day. You're going to be an awesome mother."

She felt an unnerving thrill of something go up her spine at that statement – whether it was excitement or horror she wasn't quite sure. To hide her confusion she stood up and adjusted her jeans after his gentle mauling. "Do you want to have lunch with me or not?"

He grinned up at her and nodded. "Of course."

**********

The night before Cody left for Sacramento, they invited Rita and Sam over for another supper. Since Sam was going with him to California, they had agreed to leave from the Pates' house the following morning and the older couple spent the night with Lori and Cody. There was an air of excitement throughout the house that evening – big dreams were in the making and Sam was confident that there was a stallion coming home to Canada in the next month. He and Cody pored over the auction catalogue again after supper, laying out plans for how high they would go with each prospect and double-checking bloodlines to ensure they had each colt straight in their minds.

Rita and Lori smiled with affection - and sighed in frustration - in turns and finally chased the men up to their respective bedrooms with the reminder that they had to be at the airport by 9 o'clock.

It was much later – sometime in the small, dark hours of the early morning – when Lori was awakened by the tickle of whiskers on her face and the muted roar of purring at close range. She blinked in a stupor of sleep and could just make out the silhouette of Luke hovering above her. She brought her brows down in confusion – this was a first for the grey kitten. Normally, both he and his sister spent the nights alternating between chasing each other around the entire house and falling asleep wherever they burned themselves out. They weren't at an age yet where sleeping next to a human had its own warm rewards.

Still groggy with sleep, Lori fumbled a hand out of the covers and stroked Luke's face a few times, sending him into even louder rumblings. He shoved his head against her hand hard enough for her arm to be raised a few inches and then laid down on her chest. Extending a paw, he reached out and laid it across her lips. Lori giggled at that and pretended to bite it, but he didn't withdraw. His stare was beginning to unnerve her and she whispered into the darkness, not wishing to wake Cody.

"Luke, what are you doing up here, hm? What's wrong?"

She ran a hand over his solid little weight of fuzz, then brought her fingers to his cheeks and rubbed them vigorously. He continued to purr, but sleep was claiming her for its own again and her hand fell to the side after a few moments, neglecting Luke. He stood up and nipped her lightly on the eyebrow with his baby teeth. Lori snuffled in surprise and jerked awake again, petting him in reflex as he lay back down.

"What?" she asked as she continued to stroke him. "Why are you up here?"

He of course gave no response, other than to continue staring at her, and she again felt sleep pulling her under. Wary of his tactics to keep her awake, she kept her hand gliding in a smooth rhythm from top of the head to tail and back, over and over, as she began to drift. The last conscious thought she had was that Leia had also jumped up and was lying across her feet. She wondered at that, even as she fell soundly asleep once more.

**********

In the morning, the kittens were back to their normal routine - getting underfoot as the coffee was made - and Lori thought nothing more of the night's visit. She did a last once-over of the bedroom and bathroom, ensuring Cody hadn't forgotten anything in his packing, and then settled down to breakfast with Rita, Sam, and her husband.

These morning departures were always rushed affairs, no matter how hard they tried to make it go smoothly and with two extra people in the house, it was even worse. There were always last-minute things that had to be hastily grabbed and stuffed into suitcase pockets and questions flew around the rooms of reminders of what else needed to be taken or what needed to be addressed here at the farm while Cody was gone. It was with a sigh of relief that Lori saw them all out the door and on their way.

Rita was on her way back to their place – even though they ran a lucrative horse business and could afford a multitude of staff to oversee the basic daily upkeep, Rita was meticulous in keeping track of what happened, when, on their property. She would want to be back as soon as possible to check on the overdue pregnant mares, ensure feeding routines were carried out properly and stay nearby for any phone calls of potential clients.

She beeped her Ford F-350's horn as she pulled out of the driveway and following behind her, Cody blew Lori one final kiss from their Dodge Ram. She waved good-bye to him and let her gaze linger on his face as they smiled at one another. She felt a twinge of profound sadness sweep over her as she watched them disappear down the road and shook her head to clear the melancholy.

"Pull yourself together, Pate," she muttered as she turned back to the dining room and began picking up the dirty coffee mugs and plates. "It's not like he hasn't been gone before."

Chapter 4

By accident, Lori forgot to bring her cell phone with her when she went down to the barn that day. She spent the morning in ignorance of the outside world's comings and goings, content to occupy her time in manual labour and the babble of her favourite country station's DJs on the radio that was perched on a hay bale outside the feed room. It was as she was finishing up the sixth stall that she heard someone calling her name from the house.

She stepped out from the overhang of the barn and saw Cody's client and friend, Rick Meyer, walking hastily around to the back door. She called his name and started towards him with an apologetic smile. As she got closer, she could see he was clearly agitated about something.

"Lori, where have you been?" he demanded as he rushed towards her. "I've been trying to reach you for the last two hours!"

"I'm sorry," Lori replied, slightly taken aback. "I left my cell phone in the house, but I'm always in the barn first thing in the morning – you should know – ."

He stopped her abruptly by grabbing her arms. "Listen, I need you to stay calm and listen to me, ok?" He shook her slightly and the fear started to creep into her bones. "There's been an accident. Rita Dennymede called me earlier – they think the plane Sam and Cody were on went down about an hour into their flight."

Lori was dimly conscious of an absurd sense of relief that Rick was holding her arms; she thought she might fall over at any minute. "What?" she said in a stupor. "Rita called? What happened? How did she hear?"

Rick shook his head, his features softening slightly. "I don't know. She's pretty upset – she asked me to come get you. We have to get to Toronto. She said she didn't have any other details, except for what she saw on the TV this morning. She thought if we go to the airline they might be able to give us more information."

Lori was growing drastically colder by the moment. Shock, she thought fuzzily. She couldn't seem to get her brain to engage. The only thoughts going around in her head were questions. What? How? When? Why? She looked at Rick with eyes gone huge and dazed and tried to focus. Toronto. They had to get to Toronto. Obviously Rick saw something in her face that he had prepared himself to witness; he gently turned her and wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her up against his body. He led her towards the house this way, keeping her close in case she fell.

He was talking to her, but she wasn't hearing most of it. She was trying to figure out why it felt as though she were walking in a foot of sand, her footsteps dragging in the wet grass.

**********

In the years that followed, Lori's perception of the ensuing six days was a mixture of an inexorable grey mist and key moments of painful, utter clarity. She remembered panicking once she settled into the car seat next to Rick, voicing her concern that there would be nobody to tend the animals and Rick's assurances that he had called a mutual friend to come down. She remembered nothing of the airport but a mass of people who were just as agitated as she, screaming and demanding answers or sobbing and suffering in silence as they dealt with their grief. She remembered hugging Rita, who was with her own support system, and seeing Jesse arrive, so similar and yet so different to his younger brother, and running to him, clinging to him, as the last connection with Cody. She didn't know when Shannon had showed up – or how she found out – but she did remember it was her hand she clung to and her shoulder she buried her face in when the airline confirmed the plane had gone down and there were no survivors.

Lori lost track of time; she felt as though she were being passed from one set of loving arms to another. But none of them were Cody's. The exhaustion of weeping and trying to hold it together set in to such a degree that it took several minutes to compute what people were asking her. Questions as simple as "would you like some coffee?" seemed to require intense thought on her part. Would she? Would coffee be good – or appropriate – right now? Did she even drink coffee? She remembered Shannon answering that question for her and later a steaming, soothing cup of English Breakfast Tea was placed into her numb hands.

Much later, somebody (she thought it was Shannon) drove her home from the airport. She expected a quiet house, bereft of Cody's absence, the same as she had left it that morning. Instead, it was full of family. Her parents were both there – her father in his traditional plaid flannel and workpants, his concern for her etched in lines that made his full moustache look even longer - and her mother, with her perfectly styled, tight black curls, her warm brown eyes and the eternal cigarette casually held between two fingers. Jesse and his wife Anne had made their way to the house, as well, along with another of Cody's brothers Lori didn't know very well; one of Lori's still-single sisters had also come.

They didn't know what to do, other than hug her, and she was so drained that she asked them to forgive her as she stumbled blearily up to the bedroom with the kittens leading the way up the stairs. She was conscious of silent, sympathetic eyes following her, but sleep graciously claimed her the second she put her head to the pillow.

The following morning, she woke thinking it had all been a dream until she heard the muffled voices below and the sound of breakfast being made. She had been prepared for Cody to be gone for awhile and had a disconnected sense of confusion as to why all the people were in their house. When she realized yesterday's nightmare had been real, she grabbed the nearest kitten, Leia, and buried her face in the little tabby's fur. But nothing happened. No tears came. She was still in the most profound shock, feeling nothing but an overwhelming weakness. She couldn't even lift her head, let alone get out of bed.

It was her mother that came upstairs for her later. She opened the door and sat down on the bed, placing an ash tray on Cody's nightstand while blowing out a deep exhale of smoke. The kittens departed in a flash, not used to – nor approving – of the smell. "Well, my sweet, you've had quite the blow, haven't you? Do you think you can come downstairs yet?"

Lori swallowed thickly and shook her head, then slid over towards her mom and rested her head on a polyestered thigh. She felt the older woman take another drag on the cigarette, lean over to put it in the ashtray, and then gently begin to stroke Lori's bangs away from her face as she exhaled the smoke. "Are you hungry?" she asked with sympathy as she continued to soothe Lori's face.

Another small head shake was all Lori could manage. "I'm so tired. I can't believe it...." Lori trailed off at that, not sure if it were wise to vocalize any more of the pain she was feeling.

"I know, darlin' – I don't think any of us have really had it sink in yet. But I want you to know – your dad and I are going to stick around as long as you need us, ok? As long as you need us. I'm assuming you two hadn't talked about finances, funeral plans, life insurance...any of that stuff, right?"

Lori wrapped an arm around her mom's thigh and drew her legs up into the fetal position behind her mother's back. "No," she said, burying her face into the gap behind her mother's knee. "God, no! We're only 21 years old!"

Her mother made a soft noise in her throat to calm Lori and pressed a little harder around her temple as she swept the thick black hair away. "Okay. I know this is going to be hard to hear, but the airline told Jesse yesterday that the...bodies...will be coming back tomorrow and they want him to go and identify one they think is Cody."

"Oh, God," Lori sobbed, repulsed by the thought.

"We'll have to get in touch with a funeral home if it is him and make arrangements, so I'm going to need you to bear up and help make some decisions for him, ok?" The stroking hand never faltered, but Lori's mother seemed to be infusing it with strength at the same time. I'm here to support you, it seemed to say, but this needs to be done.

The morbidity of discussing plots and funeral homes went on far too long while Lori lay in the bed, trying to make herself eight years old again. It wasn't until much later that the immediate reality of life took a grip and Lori sat bolt upright in the bed.

"Has anybody looked after the horses since last night?"

**********

Jesse was already in the barn when Lori got dressed and made her way out to the horses. Unlike his younger brother, Jesse's blond hair had started to recede so he kept it closely cut, but his blue eyes were the same shade of sky and he had the same distinct angles of jaw and cheekbone. Jesse wasn't as tall as Cody and his forehead was more reminiscent of the father-in-law Lori had only seen in photos. Still, the resemblance to her husband was there and Lori took an involuntary breath when she saw him standing by Ebony's stall.

"Hey, Lori," he said softly in greeting as he haltered the mare.

"Hey, Jess," she said back. "Were you...um...going to turn the horses out?"

"Yeah. I thought I'd get started on the stalls for you. Everyone's had hay, but I wasn't sure about giving them grain." He finished haltering Ebony, but stood awkwardly by her head, not moving. Apparently she wasn't the only one who didn't know what to say.

Lori nodded and moved towards the feed room. "If you can hold off, then, I'll get that ready and feed them before we turn them out. It's easier to grain and keep everyone respectful if they're in their stalls when they eat. You can head back to the house if you want and grab some breakfast. It'll be another hour or so before I'll start the stalls."

Jesse nodded and started down the aisle towards her and the exit. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I kinda need some alone time in the quiet, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," he said as he reached out and gave her arm a squeeze. "That's why I came out earlier, too," he said with a faltering grin.

Lori grabbed the hand that was squeezing her arm and held it tightly for a moment before throwing caution to the wind and giving him a locked-arm hug. He returned it full measure and they both settled each other just by breathing.

"Thanks, Jesse," she murmured as she pulled away. "My mom told me about Cody. About you having to go identify him, I mean. I'm really sorry you have to do that. I wish...well, I wish a lot of things."

He kissed her impulsively on the forehead. "It's ok. Somebody has to do it. And I want to know he's coming home, you know?" He stopped abruptly and Lori could see the struggle he was under to stay in control.

Lori nodded mutely, blinking away tears. A thought came to her suddenly and she jerked her head up to look at him. "Is your mom ok? I haven't heard anybody say anything about her yet."

Jesse grimaced and shrugged his shoulders. "She's not doing great, no. My sisters have gone to be with her. Because of Dad, you know." Lori did know. A husband and a son, both gone before their time. Both dead in tragic accidents. The Pate family had had their share of heartache.

It was those thoughts, come back to haunt her sometime later as she was brushing Piper alone in his stall, that finally opened the floodgates. One moment, she was listening to the horses softly eating around her, flicking her wrist in short, deft strokes across Piper's shoulder and the next she was sinking to the ground at his feet, sobbing so harshly that the tears soaked into the pinewood bedding with tiny pit-patting sounds as she doubled over. She wrapped an arm around Piper's left front leg to steady herself, her hand still stuck inside the dandy brush, and wailed against his knee. The soft nuzzling of his lips in her hair was her only comfort, but it sustained her until the first well had been tapped dry.

**********

It was a closed casket. Lori didn't have the nerve to ask why. She stood in front of it – in front of Cody – before the public visitation began and looked at her own distorted reflection coming back to her in the highly-polished cherry wood. She was having a hard time coming to grips with the reality of things. He wasn't really in there – surely not. He was still in California, attending the horse auction. He'd be home soon and they'd have a good laugh about all this fuss. He'd want to know who showed up for this, to bid him farewell. He'd tease her about picking out flowers – flowers? – for him. She hoped he liked blue iris and yellow gladioli and roses. She'd never thought to ask. They reminded her of his eyes and hair, though, and it was the only thing she could think of to commemorate him.

She reached out a hand, wanting to touch the wood, but couldn't bear it. At the last moment, she shakily withdrew and sighed deeply. Her eyes seemed to always be burning these days. There were hands caressing her shoulders and waist now; without looking at them, she knew it was her parents. They led her quietly away and she went without resistance. What was the point, after all? Fighting them wouldn't bring him back. And there was nothing to see there. Just gleaming wood and flowers.

She saw Jesse and Anne leading Cody's mother forward and was dimly aware of Mrs. Pate's heart-wrenching wail as she neared the casket. They had to support her or she would have collapsed there. Lori watched, numbly. Cody's mother was dressed from head to toe in black; she had even donned a black hat with black net covering for the face. For some reason, Lori was distressed by that. Perhaps she wasn't dressed as a widow ought to be. Cody's mother would know how to dress; she had done this once before. Lori ran a tentative hand down her own wool dress, a blend of muted greys, blacks and creams in a feminine design. Who had picked this out for her, anyway? It had been on the bed when she came back from tending the horses this morning. Probably her sister. She always had a flair for fashion.

Lori's dad went to get her a glass of water and returned with brows drawn down in concern. "Here you go, honey. How are you doing?"

She nodded quietly as she took the cup. "I'm ok."

He rubbed his rough hand up and down her back in support, his calloused fingers lightly sticking to the material of the dress, a small crackling sound being made like that of gauze being pulled off a wound. "There's a lot of people lined up outside. Looks like the whole province is here to pay their respects. It's going to be a long day. You just tell me when you need a break, ok? I'll try to find you a stool to sit on near the casket."

Lori looked at him, mildly shocked. "No, Dad. That's not necessary. I'll want to move around and stuff."

"Well, even so. You let me know if you need anything today. I'll be right nearby."

She nodded. "Okay."

It was a long day, but it didn't feel like one until it was over and the family was able to gather in the parlour on their own with the minister from Cody's and Lori's church, letting him guide their way through grief with prayer. Lori's calves ached – she wasn't used to being in high heels for so long – and her ears were ringing from all the conversations she'd been a part of that day. She was proud of herself: she hadn't cried once. Everyone else was so sad as they came up to pay their final respects that she felt an obligation to remain stoic for them. It had helped, actually. She was going to get through this.

As the minister said goodnight and the family were gathering up purses and coats, Lori made her way over to where Cody's mother was sitting, dabbing at her eyes under her veil. Lori knelt down by her chair and put her hand on the black-clad knee.

"Mrs. Pate? I just wanted to let you know that I...well, that I loved your son very much." Lori paused and clamped her lips together. She blinked hard and went on with a rush, "And I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to get to know each other very well yet, but...you'll always be my mother-in-law and I hope we can still be close." Lori faltered as the tears brimmed to the surface again, but she squeezed Mrs. Pate's knee with her hand, holding on in supplication.

Cody's mother stared down at her with cold, red-rimmed eyes then began sobbing again with such ferocity Lori began to rise and back away. She looked for help and found it in the form of Jesse, who was coming towards them with his mother's coat on his arm. Mrs. Pate looked up at him, too, and made some inarticulate sound of distress as she stood and leaned against him.

"I'm sorry," Mrs. Pate gasped as she grabbed his lapels and wept against his chest. Lori was unsure if she was talking to Jesse or her. "I can't," she cried, as the tremors racked her body. "I just can't. Please don't...don't..."

Jesse gave Lori a look eloquent with helplessness and apology and Lori turned away, feeling the sting of the rebuff to her core. Her own mother held out her arms and took her in, offering the solace she needed.

"Let's go home, sweet."

**********

The next day was worse. Lori's veneer began to crack and she realized just how thin it was. The agony of another, brief visitation before the funeral had to be endured and Lori felt vulnerably on display as she walked into the church, all eyes turning to her as she followed the casket to the altar. Wedged between her mother and father as she walked down the aisle, she felt as though she were re-enacting a sick parody of her wedding day, where she had taken the same route only months before.

People who were strong enough to come to the front said beautiful words in eulogy and a few tears slid down Lori's cheeks as they sang Cody's favourite hymns. But it was as they turned to follow the casket back out that Lori saw all the familiar faces focusing in on her in sympathy (and perhaps a morbid sense of curiosity to see if she would break). Her eyes swung around bewildered, looking for comfort and she found Shannon, seated directly behind her. There was such a profound look of misery and pity on the older woman's face that Lori felt the crack become a steady crumbling and her chin began to quiver in earnest. Suddenly the tears were welling up faster than she could choke them back down and she turned to her father. He gathered her in and she would always remember the soft comfort of his suit as she buried her face against his chest and cried into the wool. It bothered her immensely that such an intimate moment was being viewed by so many people – even if they were family and friends – but there was no hope for it. She could not have stopped the mourning process at that point if she had forced herself.

Cody was buried in a plot near his father. The cold, open mouth of the grave raised all the hairs on the back of Lori's neck as they approached from the cemetery driveway and she moved even closer to her father. She couldn't stop staring at it and imagining her husband being lowered into its depths. This can't be happening! her inner voice raged, but she did nothing but stand and shake as close family and friends assembled.

The temperature was mild and the sky was partly sunny, a few clouds scudding by in the gentle June breeze. The ground was still damp, though, from the rain they had gotten last week, and Lori's heels sank down into the turf with crisp popping noises. She moved closer to the grave against her will, taking one of the seats provided at the site. Her father stood behind her, her mother sat next to her, and the rest of the people became another blur in this week of blurs.

Her last clear image at the cemetery was Cody's mother, kneeling between the graves of husband and son, heedless of the wet grass on her black dress. "This is so hard" she was crying, over and over again, almost in accusation.

**********

Lori was so dull to the pain by the time they returned to the reception hall that nobody could penetrate the grey fog around her. She answered questions and said farewell to the guests like an automaton, only desperately, silently praying it would be over soon. She was exhausted. She needed to sleep. And she needed to be alone. Thankfully, Cody's family were all going back to their respective homes now. All of them had jobs or farms that required attention and they had already expressed their regrets at not being able to stay longer. Likewise with her own family, other than her parents. They had talked her siblings into minding their own place while they stayed with her and she felt both grateful and confident that two extra people in the house would be just enough.

It seemed like an eternity, but Lori and her mom and dad finally pulled into the yard about 5:00 and Lori let out a long, shaky breath. The public spectacle was over. Now she could start the ritual of grieving in private.

Her dad steered her towards the stairs to the bedrooms, murmuring, "Go have a nap – your mother and I will take care of the horses" and she stumbled her way up.

Unfortunately, her dreams were filled with Cody. Cody alive and laughing, showing up at the house and announcing he and Sam had found a beautiful young stallion. Cody giving her a sun-filled hug and whispering his love into her ear. When she woke up, the sun had set and she had to experience his death again, fresh and new.

There was a cloud of smoke around her mother as she sat at the kitchen table, under the muted light of the chandelier, poring over bits of paper. Lori bumped her way down the stairs, still in a fog from sleep, and pulled up a chair next to her mother.

"What are you doing?" she asked with half-hearted interest.

Lori's mom looked up and her face softened as she reached out a hand and gently caressed her daughter's face. "Just going over your bank statements, sweet." She picked up her cigarette and took another drag, keeping it between her fingers as she flipped a few more pages, scanning the figures.

"Did you know Cody had purchased life insurance as part of his travel insurance before he went to California?"

Lori shook her head as the smoke swirled around the two of them, muting everything in the same haziness with which she saw the world since Cody had died.

"It's a pretty substantial policy – it'll be ample to cover the funeral, plus give you a bit of a cushion before you have to make a decision about this place." Lori's mother gestured with the cigarette, taking in the house and property.

"What do you mean?" Lori said with alarm. "What do you mean – 'make a decision?'"

Lori's mom reached over and stubbed out her cigarette, eyeing her daughter as she did. "Well, honey, you owe an awful lot on this place yet. I don't know if what you're making from training will be enough to support you here. And a farm is a lot of work for one person."

Lori pushed back slightly from the table, putting some distance between herself and her mother. "You think I don't know that? I run this place alone every time Cody goes away!" Lori bit down hard on her lip and amended herself, "every time he went away."

She shook her head belligerently. "I'll figure out a way. I'm not leaving."

Her raised voice attracted her father's attention and he came over to stand behind her, laying a firm hand on the back of her neck. "Lori, think a little bit here. You can't take this on alone. It's not safe – a 21-year-old girl living here alone? – plus you're not going to be able to afford it. We're going to help you sell this place and then you're going to come home with us." His voice was firm and brooked no opposition, but Lori fought him, anyway.

"No, Dad!" She swallowed away another bout of tears that were sloshing around in her throat. "No! I've been getting some wealthy clients lately...and Cody—" her voice cracked on his name, but she carried on, "Cody had people lined up to buy the four extra horses we've got on the property now. That'll be some more income – I can call them tomorrow and get the sales finalized."

She looked at her mother, eyes pleading with the parent she knew might take her side. "You said yourself that there's money from this insurance policy – at least let me see what I can do. If I can't make it work, then I'll have to do something else, but at least let me try." She reached out a hand and her mother took it with a small nod.

"It doesn't have to be decided tonight. Let me look the papers over some more and figure out how serious things are, ok?" Lori nodded, satisfied, and let some of the tension out of her shoulders as she sat back. Doing so brought her up against her dad's hip and she looked up at him over her shoulder.

He shook his head, just as stubborn as she, and squeezed the nape of her neck slightly with his rough hands. "I don't want you here alone, baby. You need someone to take care of you."

"Oh, Tom, for Heaven's sake," Lori's mother interrupted, "let her try! She's not your little girl anymore – she's an adult – and she's been handling things on and off without Cody already."

She gave Lori a comforting smile and then looked up at her husband again. "It's not like we're thousands of miles away – if she runs into trouble, we can be here within a couple of hours."

Lori's dad snorted in doubt. "Like that's enough time," he muttered, but let the subject drop.

**********

A widow from their church had told Lori during the visitation that the first couple of weeks weren't the hardest. She had warned Lori that the most difficult time would come when the rest of her family and friends returned to their own lives and she was left to adjust to the silence. The widow was right.

Lori's parents had stayed for two weeks, ensuring all of the details that could be managed had been. They left with regret, clinging to her hands, returning again and again to the front porch for kisses and hugs, turning to wave good-bye several times on the short walk to their car. By the time they actually turned onto the road, she was almost – but not quite – exasperated with them. She was also bereft. She turned back towards the house, looked at the building which suddenly seemed so terribly imposing, and walked around it to the backyard and the pastures.

Everything had already been done with the horses for the day. Lori had even given all the tack a thorough cleaning and disinfected all the water tanks on the property, just to keep busy since the funeral. She looked around for something to do, though, knowing on a 10-acre property she would find a whole host of tasks that needed accomplishing.

Impulsively, she walked to the wooden stairs leading up to the loft above the barn. She craned her neck up to look at the top of the stairs and an idea came to her. Cody had suggested they put the loft on – not for storing hay, since they didn't like the potential fire hazard – but rather for eventually making a small apartment up there. He thought they might one day want a barn manager who could live on-site and help with the daily upkeep of the place while they were busy with their own careers. Lori shook her head ruefully at that. They certainly had big dreams, now all lying in ruins like the pieces of his airplane. Still, she had nothing better to do but to go up there and tidy the place.

Lori kept herself busy there for several hours, rearranging the few pieces of furniture, dusting off counters and sweeping floors. She even checked out the running water in the sink and shower stall and ensured that the electric still worked for lights and appliances. It really was quite cozy, she thought as she went to the door and took a final glance around. Maybe she could rent it out to someone as another source of income.

**********

Shannon was really the one who got her back on track and into some form of routine. She started phoning Lori on a daily basis to ask how the training was coming and also to set up another demonstration of Lori working with Renny a couple of weeks after Lori's parents left. Lori felt it was all too soon at first, but the more days that went by where the silence in the house hung over her like a malicious black bat, the more grateful she was for the jobs.

At first, Lori was able to pretend that Cody was still alive and had just been forced to stay away longer on this trip than previous ones. But as the days stretched on and there were no phone calls, no text messages, no contact with him anymore, reality finally started to take effect. That's when the darkness started to settle in and it took all the will Lori possessed to get out of bed in the mornings and go feed the horses. Her training of all of them started to slide and she found more and more excuses to avoid the barn except for the necessity of feeding.

Instead, she started to lie around on the couch and just let herself weep. She knew that Kübler-Ross had theorized there were seven stages of grieving, but couldn't say what they were beyond denial, anger and acceptance. Well, she'd done the denial – she could check that one off her list. She didn't feel particularly angry, so she assumed that one was still ahead of her and she was definitely not ready for acceptance. Instead, she wanted nothing more than to imagine how it felt to have Cody's arms around her and then dig deep into the pain of having lost that feeling. She wrapped her arms around herself as best she could and roared with crying, twisting the knife of memory deep into her core, wanting to hurt.

She would do that for hours until her face was swollen and burned from the tears, her stomach was heaving, and she was physically worn out. There was no one to stop her – at least, not until Shannon started calling – and she almost relished her allotted mourning time every day. That is, until one day with her arms wrapped around herself and her body doubled up in a chair, she felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her heart. That rattled her. She had to straighten up quickly and rub hard on her chest to get the pressure to ease. She thought she was too young to have a heart attack and she had always been in perfect health – she had to be causing this herself by all of this dramatic carrying on. When that thought was followed by the realization that if anything happened to her out here, there would be no one to help her now, she sobered up quickly. The time had come to stop feeling sorry for herself and get on with it. This type of grieving wasn't going to bring Cody back, either, and it was only going to harm her.

Thankfully, Shannon had called her the next day and told her about the demo she wanted to set up with Renny and Lori had jumped at the offer with alacrity. There were undeniably still days when she would see something that reminded her of Cody or some other trigger that would bring on another bout of tears, but after the day when it felt as though her heart was being squeezed by an iron hand, she started intervening in her own pain and never let the grieving go on too long.

The horses, too, had helped a lot. Piper had been a constant source of strength and reassurance to her and most evenings ended for Lori with her wrapping her arms around his powerful neck and shoulders, letting his quiet influence seep into her soul through osmosis. She felt, as she looked out the barn window with her horse that they were in this together and between the two of them they'd handle whatever came their way.

Even more surprising to Lori was the realization that Ebony could also be a source of reassurance. At first, the pain Lori had felt when looking at Ebony had cut her to the quick. How was she ever going to be able to endure looking at that horse again, knowing that she had belonged to Cody? How could she get past the pain of seeing all his unrecognized dreams in the mare? And yet, one afternoon after Lori had returned from church, where she had kept a stiff upper lip and pretended that she was perfectly ok, she had gone to the pasture, walked in and the tears had caught her by surprise. They had choked her as she tried to pretend she was past them and she started to panic when she realized she wasn't anywhere near as strong as she had put on at the church. It wasn't Piper who had came to her rescue that day – it had been Ebony, who with her massive, gentle body had come up to her and looked her in the eye. Then, to Lori's amazement, Ebony had lifted her head and rested her muzzle against Lori's tear-soaked cheek and then softly, calmly began to blow gentle, healing breaths across her face. Lori stood in stunned silence, her tears instantly replaced with the most profound sense of peace she had ever experienced in her life. Ebony continued to breathe gently on her face, giving her a Percheron's strength and calm, until Lori was settled and stable once again. She felt as though God had been breathing on her directly and that ultimately, she wasn't really alone.

**********

Another surprise had come at the beginning of July, when Jesse had phoned her on a Wednesday morning. He wanted to know if she would come with him, Anne and their three children to the Toronto Zoo. While Lori knew invitations like this were borne out of pity and a feeble gesture to make her feel included, she didn't care. She wanted to be included in family gestures of this kind – especially since Cody's mother still couldn't bring herself to even speak with Lori on the phone. Lori accepted without a second thought and waited with anticipation for Saturday to arrive and Jesse's family to pull into the yard.

His three children – two boys and a girl – were bubbling over with excitement at the prospect of a day at the zoo. To Lori, who had spent the past three weeks in utter isolation on the farm, their giddy voices and high energy level were a physical shock as she climbed into the back of the van and slid the side door shut. They had a thousand stories to tell her about the new calves that had been born this year, the problem they were having with their air disk drill, the bat that had gotten into the house and the trout they were planning to buy to stock their pond. She was awash in their conversation and sat mutely; allowing Jesse and Anne's daughter to braid her hair from the far back seat while she stared out the window and let the voices bring her back from her solitude.

Jesse paid for everything, despite her protests. They stopped for bagels and coffee on the way but had lunch on the zoo grounds; he had also covered her admission and even bought her a t-shirt announcing she'd been there. They decided to go to the left first, since Jesse's youngest was fairly bursting to see the rhinos, elephants and giraffes in the African Savanna display.

The kids raced ahead – keeping just within shouting distance of Jesse – and Anne fell in next to Lori as they walked along. She was a pleasant enough woman, with large, soft brown curls that draped around her oval-shaped face, but Lori had always felt she was lacking in personality. Nondescript, is how she had described Anne to Cody when he had asked Lori why she didn't hang out with her more. Anne had always struck Lori as the dutiful housewife, never making waves or voicing her own needs, suffering from a lack of originality and enthusiasm. Her world revolved around her kids, baking and ensuring dinner was on the table when Jesse came in from the fields. They were all noble pursuits as far as Lori was concerned, but it did limit what the two women had in common.

Anne tried now to strike up a conversation but it was as awkward and stilted as their conversations always were. "How have things been, Lori?" she asked as she adjusted her purse on her arm with one hand and checked a curl with the other. "The weather seems to be cooperating today."

Lori cast an eye to the clouds that were gradually breaking up and allowing the sunshine through and nodded. "Yes, it looks like we won't get rained on, anyway."

A few more strides and Anne tried again.

"You seem to be holding your own since the funeral. Have you made any decision about the farm?"

Lori knew Anne didn't want any of the gory details. They were to keep this dialogue on the surface of her pain. "Well, I'm coping pretty well, Anne – thanks for asking. I think if I can do a few more demonstrations on the property this summer, I might be able to keep enough clients interested to establish my business."

They brushed elbows as they walked and moved away from each other just a fraction. "That's the horse training you're talking about?"

Lori stepped over a melting scoop of ice cream that had fallen off someone's cone and nodded. "Yes, I was starting to build a good customer base before Cody...."

"Right – I remember Jesse mentioning that." Anne gave a brief shudder, though the morning was already warm. "I could never understand your and Cody's fascination with horses. They scare me to death."

Lori sighed inwardly and looked longingly at Jesse's back in front of them, wishing he were closer to them to jump in with topics of interest for both. The Pate family had been around horses their entire lives, but obviously his choice of wife hadn't necessitated that interest. He was too far ahead to help with the awkwardness, though, and Lori tried to steer their conversation out of muddy waters.

"Well, they're certainly not for everyone – there's always a risk with a thousand-pound animal whose first instinct is to run away when it's scared." She looked around at the displays set up for the public and pointed at an information board to their right. "What kinds of animals do you want to see today, Anne?"

As soon as it was possible, Lori found an excuse to slide away and spend time with the children, pointing out bits of trivia to them about the animals they were watching. She had spent many years when she was younger reading nature magazines and researching all sorts of animals out of utter fascination and she was amazed at how much information she had retained. The kids thought she was teasing them when she told them that the hippopotamus they were watching was related to the horse but they later confirmed that they knew the cheetah was the fastest land mammal.

They asked her to describe the fight she had seen between two giraffes on a documentary, where they had used their long, powerful necks to slam each other around and they stared with fascination as the towering animals' long tongues curled around leaves as they ate from the trees. Lori explained how a giraffe has to spread its front legs out to either side when it drinks, thereby rendering itself completely vulnerable to crocodile attacks from the water. That set them off on another paroxysm of stories about gazelles and wildebeests they had seen on TV who had suffered at the reptile's powerful jaws.

They went quickly through the Canadian Domain, since the children didn't seem engaged by animals they saw on a regular basis at home and ate a late lunch once they'd gone through the Tundra Trek. Thankfully, Jesse sat next to Lori and Anne at lunch and helped come up with topics of conversation in between bites of food and reprimanding the children. At one point Anne got up and walked over to the far end of the table where her youngest boy was eating his French fries off the table. Lori watched in puzzlement as Anne forcefully grabbed his arm, pointed at the container, shook him gently, and picked up the fries and threw them away.

She looked away as Anne came back to them, but realized Jesse had been watching her confusion over the scene. He winked at her conspiratorially with a slow smile spreading across his face.

"Anne doesn't like them to eat off public tables," he told her as his wife sat back down next to them. "She's apparently afraid of germs. Not that those two boys don't consume germs by the bucket-load every day of their lives," he chuckled.

Anne gave him a cutting look and shrugged. "Mock me all you want, Jesse, but I've told you – they should never dump their food on a public table. They have to keep it in the container they get from the counter."

Lori wisely decided to stay out of the conversation, but couldn't help smiling when Jesse added, "You know, there's probably just as many germs hanging about those containers in a place like this as there is on the table."

Anne looked scathingly at both of them. "Go ahead and laugh, you two. All I can say is I once saw a woman change her baby's diaper on a table like this and I'll never eat my food off of one again." She made a small moue of distaste and Lori pushed her own tray away.

Everyone in the group was tired by the time they reached the Eurasia exhibit and little feet were dragging enough that Jesse gave in and picked up their youngest as they entered the final stretch. Enthusiasm had drastically decreased and Lori knew it wouldn't be long before the day drew to a close. She also knew that Jesse had a long drive ahead of him and the entire party was anxious to get going.

She knew all of that, and yet when she stepped up to the enclosure where the Snow Leopards were kept, she couldn't have moved if there had been an emergency evacuation. She caught the eye of one of the big cats as she was walking up and the animal came forward towards her with such a purpose that she felt as frozen as one of the ibexes that would undoubtedly have been its prey in the wild.

She was riveted to its green-grey eyes as it trotted up with lowered head, its immensely long tail floating behind. Lori heard herself give a short gasp as the hunter stood just feet away and penetrated her soul with its gaze. She had seen big cats before in zoo environments and knew of the snow leopard but she had never experienced one like this. It felt as though every nerve ending in her body was stretching toward the animal, seeking to become one with it. The hair on her arms stood up and a slight shiver passed down her spine as the cat put one huge paw up on a support of the enclosure, almost as though it were reaching towards her, as well.

They would have stayed locked in each other's gaze, with adrenalin flooding through Lori's system eternally, if Jesse hadn't come back for her. He touched Lori gently on the elbow and she instinctively, unconsciously pulled away, still staring into the eyes of the grey predator. She couldn't have explained it and would never have tried, but she was certain the cat was absorbing her essence, reading her history, burrowing into every secret place she had ever tucked away inside herself since she was a child and claiming her as its own.

"Lori?" Jesse said softly and inquisitively as he reached for her again. "Are you ok?"

The cat broke the stare by turning to look at Jesse and released Lori from its grip. Lori laughed shakily, feeling ridiculous and conscious of how she must have looked. "Yeah," she cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm alright. Beautiful animal, isn't it?"

She nodded towards the eater of her soul, trying to avert her gaze so it wouldn't draw her in again, but Jesse seemed completely oblivious to its power. "Sure – you've gotta love the big cats. Listen, we need to head out soon – I've got to get you home and get these kids into bed before they turn any more ghoulish."

"Right." Lori cleared her throat and averted her eyes from the power that was emanating from the enclosure next to her. "Do you want me to drive home, Jesse?"

He turned to walk away, expecting her to follow. "No, that's alright. I'm not really that tired – but the kids are."

Lori took a step away from the Snow Leopard, but then turned back and squatted down briefly so she and the big cat were on the same level. "Good-bye," she whispered, as the animal sat down and lifted its head, as though acknowledging her adoration. "I won't forget you."

She looked up and caught the eye of a man standing nearby. He was an average-sized blond, with spiky hair and riddled with tattoos. Dressed in the coveralls that identified him as a zoo employee, Lori realized with embarrassment he had just watched her interaction with the cat. He gave her a bemused look and opened his mouth as though he were going to say something, then thought better of it.

Lori shrugged with a self-conscious smile and backed away from the zookeeper. Yet she couldn't stop her fingers from trailing along the enclosure's fence as she walked away; they dragged across the metal as though they weighed a thousand pounds.

**********

The van was comfortingly silent on the drive home from Toronto. The children had fallen asleep as soon as the soothing rhythm of the van's movement and engine hum had gotten underway. Lori could hear Jesse and Anne murmuring softly to one another occasionally in the front seats but their voices, too, blended into the background noise and allowed her the peace to think about the snow leopard she'd seen.

Looking at the cat had almost given her an electric charge; afterwards, she had felt that same buzz through her body that she'd gotten when she had inadvertently touched the electric rope fencing at the farm.

Why? she wondered to herself. Why had an animal affected her like that? She closed her eyes and relived the feeling as the miles slid by, but no answer was forthcoming. And all she saw, over and over again, were the blazing eyes of the big cat.

She slipped quietly out of the van when it pulled up to the house, assuring Jesse and Anne that she would be okay to go in by herself. She didn't want to wake the children, so protested in a whisper when Jesse insisted on accompanying her to the door.

He went with her, anyway, cupping her elbow as he followed her up the porch steps and looking through the front window to make sure everything was still in order in the house. Satisfied that she would be safe, he nodded at her and thanked her for coming along.

Lori raised her eyebrows in surprise. "It's me who should be thanking you, Jesse. I needed this time away to get out with people again. I appreciate you thinking of me."

He hesitated slightly for a split second, then wrapped his arms around her and gave her a gentle hug and kiss on the cheek in farewell. "It was my pleasure," he assured her.

Lori watched him return to the van and waved good-bye at Anne. Jesse's wife didn't return the wave but instead gave Lori an enigmatic look, her white face almost harsh and ghostlike behind the glass of the van's window.

Lori made a small noise of consternation at that look, but then shrugged her shoulders and headed into the house. She chastised herself for making something out of nothing and thought no more about it as the kittens came running to greet her.

**********

Noel greeted his friend at their favourite coffee shop and settled into the deep-seated plush chair with a sigh.

"What are you having?" the spiky blond asked.

"They have an organic earl grey I'm going to try," he responded distractedly, pointing at a fresh tattoo on his friend's arm. "When did you get that?"

The blond smiled. "Last week," he said. "Do you like it?"

Noel slid to the edge of the chair and took the arm in his hands to inspect the work. A Celtic cat was embroidered on his friend's skin, swallowing its own tail.

"Nice," Noel said, sliding back as he released the arm.

"I have some news for you."

"Oh?" Noel asked, regarding the waiter as he brought the earl grey to their low table. He watched the man lay out the cup, pot, spoon, milk and sugar. "Thank you," he murmured as the man nodded and left.

"She was at the snow leopards' cage today."

Noel snapped his eyes towards his friend.

"What? Are you certain?"

A smirk played across his friend's face. "Pretty certain. Black hair, nice eyes, pretty tall?"

Noel stirred his tea. "Sounds like the one in my dream."

"Good looking."

"Mm."

Noel could feel the blond's eyes on him but gave no reaction.

"The snow leopards, you say?"

"I do. Min was quite taken with her - ran right up to the fence."

"Interesting. Soon then, I think."

His friend nodded. "I would think so." He paused, cocking his head to the side. "Will you come 'round and speak with her tomorrow?"

Noel nodded in return. "I'll be there. Is she in the same cage she was before?"

"Yeah."
Chapter 5

The robins started early in the morning, well before the sun actually broke the line of the horizon and shed light on the day. They began their tentative singing when the black of night was just giving way to a deeper shade of grey and the earth was still cool. Some mornings Lori appreciated the wake-up call from the birds, but today it was simply maddening. She burrowed further under the covers, pulling one of Cody's pillows over her head, disrupting the kittens that were tucked in against her. Since Cody's death, they had begun sleeping with her on a regular basis. Today, however, they stood and stretched when they were dislodged from their sleeping place and Lori moaned softly. The robins' incessant three notes, chirped repeatedly outside her window were enough to drag her out of sleep and tempt her to throw a shoe from the second story towards the nearest tree. Instead, she got up mumbling, rubbed a hand across her face, and then pushed her sleep-tangled hair away from her eyes. She might as well get started early and avoid the heat that was predicted to come today. She had a lot to do on this particular Saturday – all the horses but Ebony and Piper were being sold. Or at least she hoped they were.

Cody had kept detailed records of possible buyers of all four horses that were still on the property and Lori had called them earlier in the week to see if they were still interested. There were ten interested parties, in fact, but they didn't want to commit until they had seen what the horses could do, so Lori had offered to give a day of demonstrations on all the horses. She would put each through a brief groundwork and riding exhibition and had already done up fact sheets for each animal as a reminder they could take home with them. Shannon had come up with the brilliant idea to hire an auctioneer who would be there at the ready to sell to the highest bidder. They had found one that was just starting out in the business and wasn't asking a lot of money for his services. He seemed excited to try his hand at an equine auction on a small scale like this and had even given Lori some excellent suggestions on how to set up the ring, as well as providing basic publicity and promotion of the event.

When the auctioneer had entered the picture, Shannon had also asked Lori if she would mind allowing a few horses from FairWind Farms to be put up for sale during the day, as well. Suddenly, the four-horse sale had become an auction of moderate proportions and the auctioneer had phoned Lori the previous night to tell her he had had over fifty phone calls from people who planned to attend. Lori wasn't surprised; with the quality of horses Shannon had in her barn, her reputation alone would draw in a crowd.

Lori pulled on jeans and a striking teal tank top that contrasted dramatically with her fair skin and black hair. For now, she would wear something cool and functional and change into riding clothes when the buyers started arriving. She had a lot of cleaning to do around the place before 10:00, to say nothing of bathing and grooming the sale horses until they gleamed.

Shannon and her husband, Mark, pulled onto the property with their 4-horse gooseneck trailer shortly after 7:00 that morning, just as Lori was wondering if she could drag the arena by herself. She'd only used the tractor minimally, usually letting Cody do the equipment work while she groomed and cleaned stalls. She walked to Shannon and Mark's truck with relief when she saw them and Mark rolled the window down to speak with her.

He was a good-looking man: his neatly trimmed, dark brown beard and hair were the perfect frame for warm, amber-coloured eyes that tipped down slightly at the corners, enhancing the impression of someone who could be both gentle and firm as required. More than that, there was always an air of quiet capability about Mark that Lori greatly appreciated today.

"'Morning, Lori," he said as he stuck his head out the window. "Where should I park the truck?"

Shannon leaned over so she could see Lori through Mark's window, as well, and the two ladies waved at each other.

Lori gestured to the left of the house, where a distinct set of car tracks could be seen winding their way to the arena and hay shed. "Anywhere over that way, Mark. Are you guys ok to leave the horses tied to the trailer? There's a lot of shade over that way."

Shannon nodded and scooted over a little closer to Mark so she could talk over the chugging of the truck's diesel engine. "Yeah, that's fine, Lori. Are you using the outdoor arena then, today?"

Lori gave a brief nod in return. "I thought so. It's supposed to get pretty hot this afternoon, though. Do you think we should use the indoor? I haven't done much with it since the spring – I like to ride outside as much as I can."

Mark and Shannon looked at each other briefly, conferring silently with one another in the way of married couples. It brought an unexpected pang to Lori when she saw it. She missed exchanging those looks with Cody. "I'd stick to the outside then," Mark confirmed. He grinned and looked down to put the truck in gear. "A little sunlight will do the crowd some good. And maybe they'll bid quicker if they want to get out of the heat," he added with a wink.

"Hey, Mark," Lori said as she saw him start to roll up his window. She put her hand on the glass and moved her face a little closer to him. "Would you mind dragging the outdoor arena for me while we get the horses settled and ready? I can do the basics, but I'm not sure if I'm up to doing a professional landscaping job."

Shannon's husband chuckled and jerked his head in agreement. "Yep. Will do," he affirmed as he finished rolling up his window and then the truck rolled past her.

**********

The auction was going well. Shannon had already sold one of her mares for slightly more than she had been valued; and Lori's palomino had fetched an impressive sum. She watched two women bid against each other as she rode, marvelling at the lengths people would go for a "pretty" horse. Cody had been right, she thought with only a twinge of heartache – go for the eye-catching ones and you had a sure thing. Personally, Lori felt the chestnut at the end of the sale was the best horse she was putting up – he had a good mind, was easily trainable and had come far in the few months she'd had him. He was going to make someone a beautiful cow horse some day; she only hoped the buyers in this crowd of about 60 people had the experience to see it.

Shannon wasn't doing in-depth displays with her horses – the basic walk-trot-canter around the impromptu sales ring, with some backing and bending exercises, was the extent of it – so they had agreed to alternate the horses up for sale. While Lori was doing the detailed exhibition of rollbacks, side-passing and flying lead changes on her horses, Shannon was getting her next one tacked up and ready for the auction ring. It was highly efficient and also made the day sail by.

Before she knew it, Lori was tacking up the chestnut and watching Shannon's best horse – a "scopey" bay Thoroughbred gelding – sell for $5000 over the anticipated price. She whistled softly under her breath as the gavel fell and finished adjusting the bridle on her own horse. "Let's hope you have as much interest, buddy," she murmured to a red ear tipped in her direction.

There was interest – and the chestnut sold for more than Lori anticipated – but it certainly wasn't the stupendous gain Shannon had seen. But then, it was more of an "English" crowd and Lori knew selling cow horses in this part of the world was just starting to catch on. Give it a few more years and they'd be the trendsetters in this area.

After the crowd, the horses and the auctioneer had departed, Mark and Shannon joined Lori where she was sitting on the back deck, watching Ebony and Piper graze in their pasture to the right.

"Well, I could use a beer after that day," Mark stated as he sat down on the steps. "Whattya say, Lori? Shall we head into town and catch something to eat at the pub?"

"Sure," she answered, her voice a little thick even to her own ears.

Shannon looked around from where she was perched on a deck box and her brows drew down. "You okay?"

Lori looked at Shannon, trying to veil the pain a bit in her eyes before she spoke. "Yeah. It's just hard. I mean...I'm glad they sold for what they did, but I'm gonna miss 'em." She shrugged, as though adjusting her western slinkie top on her shoulders. "Cody had such a vision for this place and the horses that would come through. It's hard to watch it happen without him here." She felt a wave of sorrow sweep up her throat and tears sprang instantly to her eyes. "I miss him so much on days like this."

Shannon got up and walked over to Lori, not having to crouch very far with her petite frame to give her friend a hug. "I know, girl. You've been a real trooper," she murmured. "If it hurts too much to talk about him, then don't."

Lori shook her head against Shannon's shoulder. "It's not that – I'm okay. I just miss him. And I miss saying his name. I feel like I'm not allowed to anymore because it makes other people upset."

Shannon pulled up another chair and took Lori's hands in her own. "You talk about Cody as much as you want. He deserves to be remembered."

Lori felt a start on hearing Shannon use his name and started to cry. It was simple and gentle this time – not the heart-wrenching mourning she'd done in the past. She wondered at that – wondered if she were entering a new phase of her pain. "I'm so glad you guys were here today," she sobbed. "So glad."

They sat with her for several minutes, quietly there, allowing her to get it out. When she was finished, Shannon produced a tissue from her pocket and handed it to Lori with a wink. Lori laughed shakily and took it, blowing her nose.

"Sorry about that," she said regrettably.

Shannon made a noise of correction. "None of that. Don't ever be sorry for loving him, Lori."

Lori nodded and cleared her throat. "Right. Well, I think I could use that supper, Mark. Just let me get changed and I'll meet you out front."

**********

Lori had completely forgotten about the hay until the farmer that had sold it to them phoned, wondering when she was coming to get it. He needed the space, he said; needed the wagons emptied, too. She promised him she would call around and see who could help, then get back to him.

In the end, it was only Jesse that said he was available. Her parents had booked a holiday, which also meant all of her siblings were committed to looking after the family farm while they were away. And the rest of Cody's family had been mysteriously quiet since his death, although maybe not so mysteriously – Lori couldn't blame them for not wanting to think about his absence too much and she knew being around her would be that reminder. Shannon and Mark were away at one of their many summer horse shows, so Lori felt a profound relief when Jesse said he'd figure out a way to get to her place that Saturday.

She got the first wagonload of hay hitched up to her truck and drove the few miles back to her farm on her own. She was secretly proud of that and even allowed herself to sing along to the George Strait song that came on the radio as she was heading back. For some reason, hitching up the wagon and manoeuvring out of the hay farmer's driveway had made her feel capable \- a rare experience for Lori.

She wasn't quite so cocky when she got back to the house and saw that Jesse still hadn't arrived. Still, she knew he'd get there when he could and there was a lot of hay to be put away, so she started to work, pulling the truck up as closely to the hay shed as she could get it and yanking to dislodge bales from the side of the wagon.

She had only thrown about 20 bales off the wagon before she was huffing with exertion. It took a tremendous amount of aerobic activity to walk carefully around the bales once she got into the wagon, bend over, pull one out that wasn't wedged too tightly by its neighbours, and heave it towards the shed. The sun was already starting to beat down on her head, too, and she cursed herself for not bringing out bottles of water and a straw hat ahead of time.

She got another 20 out before she was gasping for breath and had to take a break. She had just found a stable bale to sit down on when she heard Jesse calling her name from the house. She stood up again and waved him down, then shouted to him to grab some water from the fridge and to look for a hat for her. He gave her the thumbs up and headed into the house.

They quickly worked out a routine between the two of them. Lori remained on the wagon, letting gravity help her and tossing bales onto the ground, while Jesse grabbed them from the surrounding grass and carried them into the hay shed, stacking as he went. There was a certain amount of art to stacking hay properly – to utilize space and keep the pile safe, you had to alternate back and forth, stacking perpendicularly as you went. Not all of the bales were the same size, either, so it became as challenging as putting together a puzzle – the right sized-bale had to be found for each hole. Still they found time between bales to chat with each other and catch up on the events going on in both their lives. When Lori emptied the first wagon, she headed off to get another, leaving Jesse behind to continue stacking. In this manner, they had emptied three wagons before lunch and had four more to do in the afternoon.

On her way back with the fourth load, Lori stopped at the local pizza place along the way and picked up a large pizza, some chicken wings and pop for the two of them. They took a break when she returned and sat on makeshift hay furniture to eat in a companionable silence. Lori was tired but knew they'd be able to finish it today. As she ate, she pulled off her straw hat, grabbed one of the towels she'd brought out to soak up sweat and poured half of one of the bottles of water onto it. She ran that through her sweat-drenched hair and gasped at how cold it was. Still, it felt good and she scrubbed it across her face, too, in order to cool down.

She looked up to see Jesse watching her with a small smile on his face and she blushed slightly. She was suddenly, acutely aware that the sweat was clinging to her tank top, too, so she draped the towel around her shoulders when she was done. She hadn't put make-up on today and had dressed as cool as possible, bearing in mind that the hay was horrid on bare skin, causing a thousand little cuts as it brushed up against her. She had her trusty jeans on but had opted for the sleeveless shirt instead of a long-sleeved one, purely because of the weather. Simply put, she had come to work hard today and hadn't cared what anyone seeing her would think. But that didn't stop her from being self-conscious when a male was sitting across from her.

Jesse, for his part, didn't seem to notice. He had been particularly quiet for most of the meal and Lori thought there was maybe just a shadow of discontent lurking in his eyes. She hoped it wasn't because of her – she didn't want to be an inconvenience to him, but hadn't come up with any other way to get this job done. Still, it probably wouldn't hurt to thank him one more time.

"Jesse, I want you to know how much I appreciate you coming over here today and helping. I don't know how I could have done this without you." She laughed in jest and said, "They probably would have found my corpse, buried under a pile of hay a week from now."

She realized at once it was the wrong thing to say, what with his brother dead less than two months now. He winced slightly and set his drink down. "Don't joke like that," he murmured.

"Yeah – I'm sorry. I knew as it was coming out of my mouth, it was in poor taste." She looked down, ashamed, and picked at a head of timothy that was sticking out of the bale she was sitting on.

He nudged her foot with his boot and she met his blue eyes again. "It's ok – no harm done."

He sighed heavily, though, and gave her a piercing look. He started a couple of times to say something, but seemed to think differently and stopped. Finally, he tossed the crust of his last slice of pizza onto his paper plate in frustration and leaned forward. "Lori, do you think there's any way you could hire some local kids to do this for you the next time you have a delivery coming in October?"

Lori felt the blood leave her face and she grew still. She cleared her throat and nodded slightly. "Um...sure, Jesse. I'm not sure what my financial situation will be like, but I'll think of something. I'm really sorry you had to bail me out this time."

He gave her a look of profound regret, bit his lip and sighed heavily again through his nose.

Lori rubbed her fingers across her lips, trying to come up with a solution that would smooth things between them. "I've got a bit of money left over from the sale of the horses – I can pay you for your time today."

He stood up abruptly at that and towered over her. "Stop it," he ordered. "That's not why I asked – I don't want your money."

She shrank back from him and looked up with uncertainty, not knowing what to do or say to make this right again. He seemed to be aware of how imposing he was and took a step back, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Look," he said, dropping to a squat to the left of her and looking her in the eyes. "I don't really want to get into the whole thing, but I was late this morning because Anne and I had an argument."

He softened his voice and rested his hands on his knees as he continued. "She's under this ridiculous impression that I've got a 'thing' for you. She doesn't want me to be around you alone anymore."

He crossed his arms, resting his elbows on his knees now and passed a hand over his chin in thought. "Lori, you're attractive and a good person, but you were also my brother's wife and I assure you that I'm not attracted to you in that way. If anything, I'm just really protective and worried to death about you, being here alone all the time." He watched her reaction to that and then shook his head slightly. "But I can't seem to get Anne to understand that. I'm really sorry, too."

Lori exhaled softly in sadness and reached out to squeeze his arm. "It's okay. I know you don't think of me in any way other than as part of your family – just like your other brothers, sisters and in-laws. And that means the world to me, to be under your protection. But I don't want to upset Anne, either. I understand. Do you need to get back?"

"No, I'll help you finish up," he said as he stood up and started cleaning up the plates and empty cans. "I'm here now and Anne will be okay. But I just wanted to warn you that I probably won't be able to help out or see you anymore – at least for awhile – without it being a family event."

Lori stood up, too, and put the hay bales onto the stack in the shed. "That's alright. It's understandable."

They finished the day more subdued, Lori throwing bales and wondering how on earth she was going to afford help with the hay in the fall. She resigned herself not to worry about it until it happened, though, and they continued on in silence. When she returned the last empty wagon to the farmer and arrived back at the farm, Jesse was finished with the stacking and was standing on the front porch.

Lori could tell he was anxious to get going; she got out of her truck and walked up the steps to where he was sitting on the wooden railing.

"Well, kiddo – I guess I'll call it a day," he said, pushing away from the support.

"Yeah, and it's been quite a day at that," she answered. "Is there anything I can get you for the drive home or to show you how much I appreciate what you did here today?"

He shook his head and smiled with just a hint of a dimple showing. His face looked so much like Cody's in that moment that her heart caught in her throat. "No, I'm good. It really is enough, just to know that you're set until October and that I could help you out." He came forward towards her with open arms and gathered her in for a hug. "Have a good night, sister-in-law. Make sure you get into that soaker tub of yours tonight or you'll be sorry tomorrow."

She hugged him back in silence, holding on to the comfort of another human being for a second longer than Anne probably would have preferred, then released him and stood back.

"Bye, Jesse. Thanks again."

Lori watched him drive away and knew it would be a long, long time before she saw him again.

Chapter 6

Lori mounted up on the scrappy little buckskin and started to do some bending exercises with it in the warm-up ring. He was a hot-blooded little thing and she knew the best plan of attack was to let him move, but keep changing directions with him so he never got a chance to grab the bit and take off. She had been employed by a "horse show mother" to settle this barrel-racer down in the chute. Her daughter, the primary rider of the horse, was only 12 and was having a difficult time getting the animal under control before he did his run. It was a common problem with barrel-racers – they got so used to sprinting out of the chute and heading towards that first barrel that they would start fighting their rider in a variety of ways. Their antics in anticipation of being turned loose to run could result in rearing, bolting, bucking and had even cost some champions their title because they couldn't get them lined up properly and under control.

Back and forth they went, Lori asking for an ever-changing combination of figure 8's, tight circles, backing and rollbacks, until the horse had settled down a bit and wasn't moving with the frantic energy he had started with. Luckily, they had been given permission to work in the chute itself today, since it was three days before the actual competition was to take place and there weren't a lot of people around.

Once Lori felt confident she had some semblance of control in the warm-up ring, she nodded to mother and daughter, who were watching from the rail, and pointed to the show ring. "Let's head over to the chute now and I'll explain to you what I'm going to do."

They fell into step next to her as she rode over, the daughter jogging alongside to keep up with her horse, and Lori smiled down at her from the saddle. "What we're going to do is get your horse thinking the chute means something different than what he's used to. See, right now, the chute is just a place where he gets worked up and then shoots out of it like a cannonball, right?"

The daughter nodded as she looked up at Lori and patted her horse lightly on the neck. "So we'll make him work in the chute – not just stand there, waiting – and then we'll try to get him to slowly jog in and out of it so that he doesn't always think it means bolting." Lori adjusted the reins slightly in her hands and laughed. "It should never mean bolting, really, but it should mean 'go fast when I say to go fast.'"

The mother, who had been trying Lori's patience since the first phone call to arrange this training, squinted up at Lori and snorted. "I don't see what good that's gonna do. I still say you should just hold him in there, with a tight grip on the reins, until he stands still."

Lori clamped down on her temper and counted to five before responding. "Because I've already told you – you can't make a horse stand still. And in fact, the more you try to do it, the more he's going to move around. I can guarantee it. I've been barrel racing for a long time and I know what challenges your daughter is facing."

The woman gave a scornful little laugh and moved off to stand near the chute fence. Lori watched her go in stony silence but kept herself from muttering anything inappropriate with the daughter still nearby.

She looked down at the girl and shrugged her shoulders with a brief smile. "Do you still want to try what I've suggested?"

The girl nodded, casting furtive glances at her mother along the rail.

"Okay. I'll work with him first to get all the 'ugly' out of him and then you can get on and I'll explain what you need to do," Lori said as she reined the horse's head around to the entrance gate.

It was exhausting work – the buckskin had one thing – and one thing only – on the brain and that was RUN, so Lori's arms were aching and trembling with all the pulling and redirecting she had to do. Plus, to get him to work at the appropriate energy level in the confined space of the chute, she really had to push the gelding to go by squeezing with legs, slapping with reins, and pushing with her seat. Anybody who said riding horses was an easy day's recreational hobby had never been on a poorly-trained barrel racer.

By the end of the day, though, she had a sweaty horse under her who was more than willing to just stand in the chute with head lowered and wait for his next cue; a confident daughter who felt she could get that horse to run while she maintained control; and a horse-show mother who'd eaten crow in a big way as she slapped the check into Lori's hand. And that, Lori thought with a small smile as she dusted off her cowboy hat and headed back to her car, was the greatest reward of the day.

**********

The girl won her events the following weekend and her friends started calling Lori in a steady stream when they saw what she had done with the buckskin gelding in one day. Between that and the demonstrations she continued to do at her farm and Shannon's, Lori had a full agenda throughout the summer.

She also had a petite liver-chestnut 2-year-old mare on the property that belonged to Rick Meyer. He had asked her to break the filly to saddle and was paying the full amount Lori normally asked for 90 days' training, so she didn't refuse – even though she knew Rick was probably asking her to do it out of pity. He could certainly break his own colts – she'd watched him do it many times. She had resigned herself to the fact that she needed money and if other people had it and were insistent on giving it to her for her services, then she'd take it.

It was when Rick had dropped off the filly that she had learned about Rita Dennymede's lawsuit. She hadn't spoken to the widow since the day at the airport when they had learned about Cody's and Sam's deaths. Rita lived a good distance away and Sam's funeral had been around the same time as Cody's so each woman had their obligations close to home.

Rick had asked if Lori was going to be involved with the class-action suit against the airline. He told her that Rita had been doing some investigating with the help of a shrewd lawyer and they had discovered that the preliminary findings pointed to a faulty mechanism in the auto pilot which sent the plane crashing.

Lori had stared at Rick for a moment then slowly shook her head. "I hadn't heard anything about this," she said.

"Well, I know it's still in early stages, but you guys might be entitled to a lot of money," he answered. "Not that it will make up for the loss of Cody or Sam by any means, but still...if it was negligence on their part, they should pay."

Lori stared off into the distance, trying to settle her heartbeat. She was quietly terrified of the idea of lawyers feeding off of her pain and having to hear personal statements – and having to make her own – about that horrible day back in June. She wanted to put that day in a little tiny drawer in her heart, keep it closed tight and never think about it again. Did she really want to be a part of all that agony, dug up one more time? Still, if it would mean being able to keep the farm – the place Cody had planned to spend the rest of his life with her – then maybe it was justifiable, after all.

She was aware Rick was looking at her, concerned he'd said something that hurt her, and she gave him a small smile to lighten the mood.

"I guess I'll have to give Rita a call one of these days," she offered.

**********

With typical southern Ontario weather for August, the days of rainfall trickled off and it was soon nothing but "hot and dry" in every TV and radio station's predictions. The crickets were in full swing every night, keeping Lori company with their incessant creaking. In the evenings, after everybody else's horses had been trained, Lori would saddle up Piper and take a quiet stroll around the property with her best friend. They would check the fence lines as they went, Piper's head a steady bob in front of her as he strode along, the third Mecate rein swinging gently to his gait.

Lori would now and then pick up the reins and do some shoulder-in, shoulder-out work or practice Piper's collection but it was only to maintain him and keep him in practice; he was long past the stage of learning anything new down the trail. His ears would perk at the occasional rabbit or grass snake that darted out in front of them through the long field grass, but otherwise he kept an even pace, trusting in his rider to keep him safe from any harm they might encounter. She brought a couple bottles of water, granola bars and chocolate for quick energy, her cell phone, a hoof pick, an emergency blanket and a basic first aid kit for both horses and humans. She had been out on too many "quick" trail rides that ended with someone getting dumped off their horse or the horse getting injured to assume nothing would happen. Better safe than sorry, especially now that she always rode alone.

They came up a grassy incline and Lori stopped at the top to look around, sighing at the view. The sun was just starting to lean toward the west and the shadows from the stand of birch trees at the back of the property were getting longer. She would have a couple of hours yet before sundown so didn't push Piper to go any faster. It was enough to look over the land – her land – and watch Ebony and Rick Meyer's filly cantering down across the pasture together while the birds nearby started their evening song. As Lori listened, she ignored Piper's occasional snort in order to pick up the birdsong she could identify: there was a red-winged blackbird nearby and some blue jays and crows were battling it out in the stand of pine trees across the way. The killdeer were out in the pastures, protecting their babies as they ran about on stilted legs, and she heard a red-tailed hawk screech high above her head. Lori shook her head slightly to dislodge the strand of black hair that blew across her face in the evening breeze. She reluctantly squeezed Piper gently with her legs in cue to start walking again and whispered the same, soft prayer she did every night: Please God, don't take this away from me. Help me find a way to keep it going.

**********

When she returned to the house after putting Piper's saddle away, rubbing him down, seeing him tucked into his stall for the night and feeding the kittens their kibble, she saw that someone had left a message on the phone. It was a representative from the airline responsible for Cody's death; they wanted to settle. She took a deep, shaky breath and phoned Rita Dennymede.

"Don't agree to anything yet, Lori," Rita insisted when she heard the news. "What are they offering you? A couple thousand dollars? That's nothing compared to what we're going after them for. My lawyer is convinced they were completely negligible – he's gotten hold of a report that shows they knew about that auto-pilot long before Sam and Cody's trip and they continued to ignore it...to save a few pennies." She snorted derisively. "Well, guess what? It's gonna cost them a lot more than that now."

Lori was taken aback by the anger in Rita's voice. She'd never heard the older woman so enraged – or so vindictive.

"Okay," she responded hesitantly. "What do I have to do?"

"Nothing right now," Rita assured her. "We're getting the paperwork together, now that we have substantial proof. I'll be filing on behalf of all the passengers on that plane – you'll get something sent to you that explains it all, along with an opt-out form. But I would strongly recommend you not opt out, Lori. We're going to make them pay."

Still uncertain by the vehemence in Rita's tone, Lori phoned her parents to get their opinions. While they weren't quite as bloodthirsty as Rita, they thought Lori should wait before signing any agreements, as well. Lori's dad asked her to notify them of everything pertaining to the accident and they would get their own lawyer to look it over. They wanted to make sure she at least got what all the other affected family members got. That sounded more reasonable to Lori and she agreed.

**********

Lori was young and strong; she had grown up on a farm and had been training horses long enough now that her muscles were becoming quite formidable. Having a thousand-pound animal drag her around an arena necessitated that she develop the strength to pull its head around or she went land-skiing. She had been able, for the most part, to do the daily farm chores with or without Cody.

But she wondered, as she stood in the corner of the garage where Cody had stored the water softener salt, how she was going to get the 40 kg bags into the basement. She had forgotten to ask Rick to help her yesterday when he had stopped by to check on his filly's progress and she didn't want to bother the neighbours with something like this since she didn't know them very well. She had to start looking after herself – no excuses.

She grabbed the first bag and was startled at how immovable it was. She had lifted some heavy things in her life, but this felt like trying to shove a boulder from where it was sunk in the ground. She tried a couple of different angles and muscle groups to get inertia working on her behalf but couldn't get it to budge. She grunted with the effort of trying to pull it off the pile and was panting heavily after a few tugs with limited results. She moved behind it and had better success pushing it off the top, but cringed as she heard it fall to the concrete floor of the garage. She came back around the pile with trepidation, expecting to see the bag split open and spilled on the floor but it was only slightly torn.

In inspiration, she grabbed a heavy-duty tarp and put it down near the bag then kicked the salt with a series of well-aimed blows so that the bag rolled over onto the conveyance. Then grabbing a corner of the tarp, she picked it up and started to pull, walking backwards at the same time. It was still hard work, but she managed to slide it over to the house steps 75 feet away in pretty good time. When she got there, she collapsed on top of the bag, sitting with head between her legs and panting at the exertion. And she needed to get four of these into the basement? She was starting to doubt her abilities.

She decided it made more sense to get the other three bags out of the garage first and after catching her breath, went back for bag number two. By the time she finished getting the fourth bag to the house porch, her lungs felt like they had been bathed in warm blood and she was gasping for air. Her arms were like wet noodles as she brushed a wisp of black hair out of the way and she sat down again to wait for her shaking muscles to relax from the strain.

How am I going to do this? she thought as she looked up at the front door, which seemed as far away as the top of the CN Tower. Somehow, she had to get these bags lifted, carry them up the porch steps, through the house and down the stairs to the basement. She hadn't even been able to get them into her arms yet and she was going to carry them down the stairs?

She pushed herself up to a standing position then bent over the first bag, sitting at the base of the porch. It was almost as though it were waiting for her, mocking her attempts to pick it up. Lifting didn't work – she couldn't get a good grip on the shiny plastic and she couldn't get her legs under her enough to push it up. Instead, she tried crouching down and rolling it onto her shoulders. She succeeded with that, but it took an interminable amount of time to go from kneeling to crouching to standing. She finally got upright, the bag wrapped around her shoulders like some giant tiger wrapped around a lion-tamer's neck, and on shaky legs she walked up the four steps to the front door.

Lori was almost sobbing under the crushing weight and felt the muscles in her lower back being compressed with each step. She opened the door, breathing heavily, and made a bee-line for the basement stairs. She was almost there when Luke scooted under her feet, throwing her off-balance and causing both her and the 40-kg bag to come crashing down on the floor. Lori hit the ceramic tiles with a grunt like being punched and heard the solid thunk of the salt as it, too, slammed into the floor.

Luke skittered away, unharmed, as Lori bellowed his name in exasperation, then came back cautiously to check on her when she rolled over onto her side and began to cry hopelessly.

"I can't do this," she muttered softly. She felt the powerlessness of her situation – not only with the salt, but also with the loss of Cody – and a surge of anger washed over her with a self-pitying intensity. She kicked out in frustration, as though throwing a temper tantrum, and Luke jumped back again. "I can't do this!" she railed at whatever was listening out there in the universe. "Enough, already!" she screamed as though she were being attacked. She began to sob with a fury that possessed her as she struggled to her hands and knees and crawled over to the salt bag so that she could flail at it with both fists.

Soon the yelling became nothing but a serious of primal screams as she continued to punch the salt, her knuckles bruising as they connected with the unforgiving weight. "It's...not...fair," she muttered between clenched teeth as she delivered three more blows. Then another scream came from her belly, filled with all the anguish of someone being tortured, her lips gaping in a contortion of pain as she sought revenge against that unseen thing that had taken her happiness away. With that, she fell over the bag in sheer exhaustion and moaned softly as she rocked back and forth.

When the last of the anger had seeped out of her and the kittens had both approached her with ears back and eyes wide in alarm to ensure she was okay, she sniffed hard at her tears, feeling drained. "It's too hard," she whispered quietly. "I can't do it. I just can't."

Both kittens were near her now, pushing themselves against her body, sliding their cheeks along her jeans, their tails sticking up in the air like tiny, furred flags. They were both purring as she absent-mindedly reached down with both hands and stroked them, staring off into some far-distant landscape of loneliness and despair. Luke crawled up into her lap and head-butted her under the chin while Leia put her front legs across Lori's legs and squeezed tight, claiming her. Their adoration and peacefulness was calming Lori, but it took her a moment to realize it. Finally, when Luke stretched up and started licking her cheek, Lori pulled herself out of her stupor and giggled despite herself.

"Don't, Luke," she said groggily in a half-hearted protest, "that tickles."

He carried on, though, until she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her chest. She buried her face in his soft fur and she could feel the power of his purr vibrating across her cheekbones.

"Okay," she whispered to both of them. "Okay. I get it. No more feeling sorry for myself." She wiped away the remaining tears from her flaming cheeks and looked down at them. "But what am I going to do?"

The kittens just watched her, offering solace in the only way they could until she gently displaced them, stood up and went to fetch a couple of buckets and a scoop. It took a lot longer and the day was almost finished before she was done, but Lori transferred all four bags of salt into the buckets, carried them down and dumped them into the water softener and holding bin one trip at a time until the job was finished.

And she vowed never to buy the big bags of water softener salt again.

**********

The dry days of August continued on, but there was a change in the air this night as Lori turned from Ebony's stall, said a final good-bye to the horses who were contentedly munching their hay, and headed back to the house. They were bedded down for the night and with the crackle of electricity in the air, she didn't linger long once the chores were finished. She wasn't exactly relishing another night alone in the house, though, especially since the wind was rising in anticipation of the predicted thunderstorm to come. She was deep in thought as she scraped her boots off at the bottom of the back porch and grabbed for the railing.

As she raised her head to check her ascent, there was a meow from the top step and she jerked her head up with a gasp. There was a large brown tabby tom sitting directly in her path, perched like the sphinx on the top step, his front paws outstretched in self-assured contentment.

"Holy God – you scared me!" she accused the stranger as she continued to climb the porch stairs. "Who are you and what are you doing up here?"

The feral cat stared at her with his amber eyes and she felt the hair stand up lightly on the back of her wrists and neck. Despite resembling a fuzzy teddy bear, his unnerving silence and tightly-coiled power were intimidating. When she got to the top she dropped to a squat and extended a hand for him to sniff, but he wanted no part of her.

She looked him over and marvelled at how powerful and huge he was. There was more than just an age difference between this guy and her domesticated kittens inside. This one had clearly been brought up in the wilds of a harsh environment, facing numerous life-threatening situations on a regular basis. She had seen strays like this crossing cut hay fields reduced to stubble, searching for mice, and knew that they were ever-vigilant for hawks and owls from above, and a myriad of threats from the ground: fast-speeding cars, coyotes, snakes, and other cats that might be sick and infect them.

"Would you be hungry, by any chance?" she inquired. He looked up at her with his ears tucked back defensively. "I've got some leftover hot dogs, if you're interested in table scraps."

He answered with a loud meow then stood up with a luxurious stretch. He kicked it into high gear, then, and continued with his tirade of dialogue. "Alright, alright," she murmured as she stepped into the house. Grabbing the kittens' kibble, she scooped some into a bowl, chopped a hot dog up in it, and set the melange outside the door as he eagerly made his way over. He ate it before she had a chance to pull her boots off and get comfortable on the couch. No time or food was wasted on this property, by any of its inhabitants or visitors.

It was dark before the storm hit, taking its time in gathering momentum. Lori switched off the TV with reluctance; the house always sounded unnervingly quiet in these few minutes she took to check the doors were locked and all the downstairs windows were sealed up for the evening. Regardless of the summer's heat, and the fact that she lived on a remote country road, she always ensured the main level was barred and bolted before going to bed. She'd watched too many documentaries of intruders breaking in through open windows on hot nights.

Tonight, though, she also shut the upstairs windows, since she knew there was rain coming – she could smell the freshness of it when she pressed her nose against the screen. She took a deep breath, loving the scent of its promise, and cranked the window shut in her bedroom. Pyjamas on, teeth brushed, and she was just turning back the covers when the first flash of lightning seared its way across the sky. It was a fair distance away – the answering thunder was many seconds in coming. Leia's ears went flat back against her head and her eyes grew wide at the booming noise. She slid off the bed and slunk underneath it in preparation. Luke soon followed suit and Lori sighed at her lack of protection.

"Maybe I should think about getting a dog, you cowards," she said in playful threat. Although in reality, her parents' big shepherd was more of a coward than any animal she'd yet seen when it came to storms. He was too big to hide under the bed, but chose to hop in the bathtub as his fall-out shelter.

Lori turned on the fan and lied on top of the covers, picking up the latest Horse & Rider magazine as some light reading before bed. The lightning-and-thunder combinations started coming in faster succession now and several times she looked up from her reading with a gasp. One particular rumble shook the entire house, the windows rattling in their frames. Lori looked up at the roof, expecting it to cave in at any moment, but instead the heavens opened up and began to pour. She could hear the rain striking the roof and windows with a ferocity that made her grateful for a well-secured home and a barn for the horses. Unfortunately, after such a long dry spell, this hard rain was going to cause flooding – she would have preferred a nice, soaking rain that gently seeped into the ground and softened things up. She hoped it didn't carry on like this too long or she was going to have erosion of the sand in the outdoor arena.

Another dramatic lightning strike – this time, much nearer to her property – lit up the sky with a flash of white-green light and Lori cringed in spite of herself. She threw the magazine onto the floor by her nightstand, grabbed Cody's pillow and wrapped her arms around it. Her bedside lamp was still on, but she checked to make sure the flashlight she kept on the nightstand was still in working order, too. She clearly wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon, so she resigned herself to lying there, cuddled up with her pillow, and listened to the tempest outside.

Crack, said another sharp lightning-thunder blast, causing Lori to flinch in spite of herself. She usually loved storms, but being at the house alone wasn't as much fun. It brought on all sorts of worries she'd never considered before: what if the rising wind blew off the shingles, what if the rain started leaking into the basement, how were the horses handling it, what if she lost power?

As though she jinxed herself with that last thought, another blast of lightning struck nearby and suddenly the house was plunged into darkness. Lori heard the feeble, final squeal of their carbon monoxide detector go off as the power surged, and then that eerie silence of a home with no electricity settled over her. No refrigerator humming, no fan creating white noise in the background, no kicking on and off of the water cooler they kept in the dining room – all Lori heard now was the lashing of the rain outside and the steady tick-tock of the battery-operated clock on the wall.

She flicked on the flashlight and got out of bed, marking the time. If the power didn't come back on soon, she'd have to go down in the basement and keep an eye on the sump pump. She was pretty sure they had a battery back-up on theirs, but she certainly didn't need the basement flooding on top of it all. She paused for a moment, realizing she still thought of things in the house as "theirs" – not "hers" – but brushed aside the trickle of pain caused by the acceptance of being alone.

She could hear the wind starting to gust angrily now and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. This part of the country was known for tornadoes – they'd had several historical ones that caused significant damage in the earlier years of settlement and she had heard the neighbours talk of a lethal one about 30 years ago that had wiped out an entire herd of dairy cattle just down the road. What if there's a tornado? she thought in panic. Is it better to turn the horses out and let them fend for themselves? Or should I leave them in the barn?

She could hear the wind screaming around the windows and walked over to her office, which faced the back of the property and the barn. She looked in vain towards the stable, trying to see what was happening. She could just make out tree branches whipping around as the gusts increased in ferocity. If she turned the horses out, didn't she run the risk of them getting impaled or crushed by falling debris, though?

"God, I don't know what to do!" she muttered half to herself and half to the entity creating this storm. Her fingers tapped with anxiety on the sill as she looked out into the dark.

Another flash of lightning lit up the sky and she was able to see the barn clearly. It seemed frail and forlorn out there in the dark and Lori made up her mind in a heartbeat. She was pulling on some rainproof gear she kept near the back door before she knew it; grabbing a large, portable spotlight, too, on her way to the stable.

The rain swept straight up under her hood and doused her face by the time she had gotten off the porch, the wind pushing her sideways across the yard as she made her way to the horses. The tomcat was hunched down in front of the stables, seeking shelter from the storm, and she called to him.

"C'mon teddy bear - before you get drenched - get inside here with me." She slid back the barn door and was greeted with a nervous nicker from Piper.

"Hey, boy." She called softly to him as she turned on the bigger spotlight and set it up on a wooden ledge near the door. She could just make out Piper and Ebony, the two closest to the entrance, as they put their heads over the half-doors of their stalls. Further back, she caught the movement of Rick's filly, her liver-chestnut colour making her almost invisible out of the range of the light.

Lori went to each horse in turn, going into the stall, running her hands over them, trying to soothe them with her presence. They seemed to quieten a bit as she continued to murmur to them, so she decided to stay for awhile. The wind still rattled the windows and doors here, too, but the extra bales of hay and bags of bedding she had stacked up along the aisle for tomorrow's work helped to muffle the sound.

Lori began to sing softly – an obscure lullaby that had been handed down through her mother's side of the family for generations – and then launched into "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon, since it seemed to segue nicely. She walked over to Piper's stall and rested her forehead against his as the storm raged on, her fingers automatically entwining in his mane.

"I know, buddy," she said into the quiet as Piper gently nudged her, "I'm scared, too." She turned her head so that she could press her face into his hide and took a deep breath of his warm skin. She could smell the citronella fly spray she'd put on him earlier in the day and a combination of hay, manure, pinewood shavings and sweat. It was the best perfume in the world.

It was about the time that the rain let up that the lights she had turned on by the back porch came back on. Lori could see them spring to life as she looked out the tack room window.

"Well, kids," Lori called to the horses as she made one final check around the barn. "It looks like another tragedy has been averted. Thanks for your company." She looked over to where the feral cat was settling on a hay bale but he seemed content to stay put for the night. She switched off the portable spotlight and made her way back to the house, the trees dripping around her, her feet squishing in the drenched grass, and the lightning continuing to flicker off in the distance to the east.

**********

The next night, the lack of sleep during the storm caught up with Lori – she was yawning like a kitten herself while Piper and she made their customary check around the property. There had been some wind damage to her neighbour's old silo and a huge ash tree down the road had taken a direct lightning hit, but everything on her own property seemed intact.

Lori dragged herself up the steps to the house, fixed herself a quick supper of scrambled eggs, toast and bacon, took a quick shower, and was in bed by 9:00. She would be convinced later that her dream lasted the rest of the night.

She dreamt that she was panning for gold with a rusty, dented pan. It was something she'd never done in reality, but she seemed quite adept in her dream, as though she'd been doing it for years. The stream she stood in was shallow, with a million little pebbles paving the riverbed and it was into this soft base that she dipped again and again. Swish, swish, swish as she gyrated her hands in a counter-clockwise motion, scanning what remained for any telltale glimpse of the shiny metal left after sifting. She found nothing and dipped again, the water ice-cold from the mountains she was conscious loomed up behind her back.

It was still – there wasn't another soul in sight – and she wasn't alarmed by that knowledge, even though she didn't have a clue where she was. None of the surrounding terrain seemed familiar. There was a brilliant blue sky overhead, with numerous fluffed white clouds being pushed along by the slight breeze.

She dipped again, the pebbles rattling loudly on the bottom of her pan as she continued with her work. At one point, she thought she saw a trace of gold and felt her heart beating faster as she pushed a cold hand into the water, moving the chaff out of the way for the treasure she was certain lay buried underneath. But as she shoved the brown, red and black pebbles out of the way, no gleam of gold revealed itself and she sighed in frustration. It must have been the sunlight reflecting off a particular piece of granite caught at the bottom of the pan. She dumped that load and scooped again.

She carried on, listening to foreign birds calling from the trees around the stream as she worked, until a rumble started to seep into her subconscious. The murmur started out so quietly she wasn't aware of it until the noise began vibrating under her feet, as well. It was then she looked up in alarm and saw that a mountain far in the distance across the riverbed was beginning to crack at the top, as though its lid had been prised open.

Lori stood, gaping, unsure of what was happening. As the noise grew louder, though, she realized the top of the mountain was being forced up by some great red substance; when her knees began to tremble from the vibration beginning to hum through the earth, she realized it was a volcano. She watched, appalled, as the crack at the top of the mountain opened wider in agonizing slowness. This was no great eruption, but rather a steady peeling open of the crest, with more and more of the earth's core revealed underneath, like some gaping wound that refused to bleed.

She knew she should run. Just because it hadn't blown yet didn't mean it wasn't likely to, but she felt riveted to the spot. She dropped the pan in wonder as she watched the molten liquid bubbling under the surface. She couldn't move.

Just as abruptly as it began, it seemed to stop. The crack didn't lessen, the top didn't lower itself again, but at least the rumbling ceased and nothing more happened. Lori finally dragged her eyes away from the mountain-volcano, shaking herself out of her stupor. She gasped in surprise as she saw something moving down the road that ran to the side of that mountain – something on four legs that trotted steadily along, coming straight at her.

It was some type of animal – of that she was sure – but it was still so far away that she couldn't make it out. Self-preservation belatedly kicked in and she turned to make her way back to her camping supplies on the other creek bed. She knew she didn't have a gun, knife or any other significant form of protection but in the way of dreams she felt if she could only reach the pot and pan she carried with her, she'd be able to frighten whatever it was away.

She glanced over her shoulder as she trotted up the riverbank and was alarmed to see the beast had gotten much closer – a long tail swishing behind the animal was clearly evident now. Its silence and speed were a lethal combination; Lori sped up, her arms and legs pumping as she ran the remainder of the way to her campsite, her breathing coming in rapid, panicked gasps.

She flew into the tent, frantically looking around for the pot and pan, throwing other bits of debris out of her way as she searched. She seized on them and grabbed a fire extinguisher lying nearby, too; she was ready to do battle with whatever she had on hand.

She got out of the tent as quickly as she could, dimly aware that she didn't want to be caught within if she was attacked. She raced outside, only to be brought up short when she looked across the river bed and saw the animal's eyes boring into her own from only yards away.

It was a snow leopard, and a fighting-fit one. How had it gotten here so quickly? Lori's brain screamed at her. That wasn't normal! Her lungs were still heaving from her run and the adrenaline that was coursing through her body but the cat just sat there, staring at her with its intense grey-green eyes, its massive front paws threatening violence just by their very existence.

Lori stared back at the cat and was conscious of the wheezing noises she was making as she tried to recover air. She suddenly became aware of the implements she held in her hand and tucking the extinguisher under her arm, began to bang the pot and pan together. The noise was deafening in her dream; it seemed to reverberate through the valley, clanging from the mountainsides. The leopard flattened its ears back against its head, but continued to sit there, staring at her. It wasn't phased in the least by the enormity of the noise.

Lori continued to slam the metal together, unnerved by the cat's eerie stillness, hoping against hope that it would turn and run. But it didn't. It just continued to sit there silently, its enormous, fuzzy tail flicking in irritation at the noise. A hardness crept into the animal's eyes, almost as though it were annoyed and frustrated at her feeble attempts to drive it away. Are you about through with that? it seemed to say.

Lori stopped abruptly, feeling foolish now at her actions. She held the pot and pan with wrists gone suddenly limp and glanced around, wondering what to do next. Obviously the extinguisher couldn't be used until the animal was almost on her – she would have to keep an eye on the creature and prepare for a massive pounce to come from across the river. With the distance the snow leopard had just travelled she was certain it would only take one powerful leap for the cat to be upon her.

But instead the leopard remained where it was, intently watching her with those mesmerizing eyes, its glorious, regal head moving imperceptibly. Sizing her up.

Lori swallowed, uncertain what to do. She didn't want to draw attention to movement – she knew that was Lesson #1 in survival skills against a lethal predator of this nature: don't move. So she stood there, staring back at the animal, feeling an alarming sense of vertigo beginning as the leopard's eyes drew her in. Her skin went prickly, as though a fever had just broken, setting every nerve ending in her body on fire. She exhaled shakily and licked her dry lips. Unaware, her fingers let loose and the pot and pan slipped to the ground at her feet; moments later the extinguisher tucked under her arm did the same.

As though it were a signal, the snow leopard stood at that and giving a tremendous stretch reminiscent of the ones Luke and Leia did in Lori's waking state, it turned and began to walk back towards the way it had come. It paused one time and turning with the fluid movement of a snake, it gave her another long, hard look in invitation. Come, it said, without saying a word.

Lori followed it – she had no choice but to heed that bidding. She sloshed through the stream, unaware of the cold water, and up the other side, always following about ten feet behind the big cat, the white tip to its thick rope of a tail always luring her on. They walked for miles, the leopard going at a much slower pace than it had come to get her, until they passed the volcano, winding their way along the narrow path.

Lori noticed that they were heading south-east, into the night, away from the setting sun. She gave no further thought to how she would survive without food or shelter – she just followed the snow leopard into the dark until the white-tipped tail was no longer visible and the woman and the cat became one with the blackness around them.

**********

She woke the next morning, bemused by what it all meant. Surely there was symbolism of a monumental nature in such a dream, but she couldn't figure out what it stood for. Pan-handling gold? A volcano? Obviously the snow leopard was a subconscious remainder from her trip to the zoo, but the rest she couldn't piece together. She shrugged her shoulders as she brushed her teeth by the bathroom sink, and made a mental note to see what she could find in her dream dictionary that might explain it.

In the meantime, she had more pressing concerns, like three hungry horses waiting to be fed. She finished with the brushing and flossing, did a quick clean of the litter box in the upstairs bathroom, and ran a towel across the water drops on the countertop.

It was only as she was about to shut off the bathroom light that she noticed the two long, grey hairs at her right temple. She made a small noise of amazed disgust and leaned over the counter to look in the mirror. She was only 21! She couldn't be turning grey already! She examined them in consternation and viciously yanked them out with a quick tug.

"Not ready for that yet," she muttered as she flicked the light off.

Chapter 7

Two weeks later, there were eight grey hairs where Lori had yanked the two. She stared at them in the mirror - disbelieving - then sighed in exasperation. She was just reaching up to pull them out when she stopped her hand. What if even more would come back the more she yanked? What if she were damaging the roots by pulling them out?

She decided not to tempt fate and instead pulled another strand of jet black hair down over the top of them, trying to disguise the grey. She might have to get creative with hair styles in future if this continued, since her customary way of going about life was in a ponytail. That, however, would expose her grey to the world. Today she was with Shannon – they were going to ride Rick's filly for the first time – so at least she wouldn't have to worry about it now. Shannon wouldn't really care and Lori would have her trusty cowboy hat on to help cover them up, anyway.

It was a surprisingly warm day for September; with the kids newly-returned to school, they would probably be taking advantage of the air conditioning provided in the classroom. Lori wasn't so lucky – her house was stifling by noon so she headed outside with a case of bottled water and dumped them into a cooler by the roundpen along with some ice. Shannon was already there, doing some yoga stretches and watching the filly as she pranced around the enclosure.

"When did you get here?" Lori asked as she flipped the lid shut on the cooler and picked up the handy stick. This was the first time the two ladies had worked together, breaking a colt, and they had discussed the day in detail on the phone the night before. Since Shannon was agreed to be the better rider and Lori had done all the groundwork with the mare so far, Shannon would be onboard as the passenger while Lori directed the horse's direction from the ground.

"Oh, about ten minutes ago, I guess. I thought I'd limber up first since I was stiff from riding in the car." Shannon bent over and touched her toes in a long hamstring stretch. "How's she been so far?"

Lori looked at the filly, who was trotting the circle, inquisitive and alert at her surroundings. "She's a real sweetheart. She tries so hard to please you – but sometimes she's so busy trying that she doesn't pay attention to what you're asking. She has a tendency to try to guess what you're going to ask next, so we'll have to keep things nice and slow with her. Let's just plan on doing a lot of circles at the start and a lot of changes of direction so we keep her mind busy."

Shannon nodded while fastening the chinstrap on her riding helmet. "And how has she taken to the saddle?"

"Real good. No significant bucking at all – just a few little jumps the first time I saddled her and now she's acting like she's been saddled every day for the last two years. But really, I think this is the fifth time I've had one on her."

Lori opened the gate, walked into the roundpen and fastened it behind her. "Let me just do a bit of groundwork with her first and then I'd like to have you come in and we'll do some desensitizing with you on the fence, up by her head. I want her to get used to seeing humans up there above her eye before you get on."

The two women had been around horses their whole lives and knew that you didn't wear a watch when introducing a green horse to its first rider. It took as long as it took and trying to force the experience into a timeline always ended in disastrous results. They did a variety of desensitizing-in-motion exercises with the liver chestnut for almost an hour before they both felt she was ready to have a rider on her back.

While Shannon stood in the middle of the roundpen and flexed the mare's head from side to side with a hackamore on, Lori tied a plastic bag to her training stick then came back to the duo. The plastic bag served two purposes: it would get the filly's attention when Shannon started riding her and it would also serve as a further desensitizing exercise to white things that made a lot of noise. It wasn't the first time the filly had seen the plastic bag, but Lori hadn't been using it much the last couple of weeks.

Shannon pulled the filly's head back around to her left shoulder and held it tightly there while putting her foot in the stirrup. Mounting and dismounting a horse were two of the most dangerous times while riding because the rider was particularly vulnerable until she got into position. It was one thing to be astride and using your balance, legs and arms to stay on the horse; it was quite another to be caught with one foot stuck in a stirrup, hanging off the side of the horse, while your other leg was hauled along the ground and you were being either dragged or trampled. With this in mind, Shannon kept a tight grip on the filly's turned head and bounced up and down near her shoulder so the horse wouldn't be surprised by any movement.

Slapping the saddle and making as much noise as possible, she continued bouncing alongside and holding the filly's head tight to her shoulder until she saw the mare relax, then she stopped and let her look forward again. She repeated that a few times then stepped up in the stirrup and lay across the saddle, touching the filly on the other side. She still didn't swing the other leg over – all she wanted was for the filly to get used to seeing the same human out of both eyes above and behind her. If the horse overreacted and decided to run, Shannon could quickly step out of the stirrup; by keeping the filly's head tipped towards her, she could also ensure she didn't get kicked by the back legs.

They did that a few times, as well, until Shannon felt certain the filly was used to the image and feel of someone hanging off of her. She looked at Lori and nodded.

"Okay, this time, I'm going to swing over and we'll go for a ride."

Lori returned Shannon's smile. "Okay. Good luck. Remember to flex her back and forth some more and then when you're ready, we'll start spiralling her out in circles."

Preparation meant everything. Lori had had some dramatic falls in her time when she hadn't prepared herself or the horse properly and she had learned from those mistakes. Today's session went as smoothly as though they had been riding the filly for months and it was because Lori had taken the time to prepare the filly beforehand.

The 2-year-old was clumsy and stiff, certainly – she had never had to compensate for a human's weight on her back and it meant a whole different way of walking, trotting and cantering when somebody was there. But she wasn't afraid of what was happening and she followed Lori's cues to turn, go faster and slow down when asked because she'd seen them a hundred times before. There was no rodeo bucking, no refusals to go forward, no balking when Shannon moved around on top of her as they cantered along. She took everything in stride and the calm look in her eye never altered.

It wasn't a long ride. The key to success was to quit while things were going well and Lori was satisfied with the filly's performance after 20 minutes of work in the ring. She signalled to Shannon to bring the filly back to the center of the roundpen, where they finished with some more flexing while the mare got her breath back. Then Shannon did some more desensitizing to the motion of a human getting off a horse by rocking back and forth over her withers, before stepping off up by the filly's shoulder and her head flexed once again to the left.

Lots of pats, treats and congratulations followed and the women hosed the filly off before leaving her tied to a ring in the arena for awhile to think about what had just happened. They stayed nearby, drinking water and watching her to make sure she didn't injure herself while they talked about the success.

"Could you come back tomorrow, then, Shannon and we'll do one more day with me working her from the ground while you ride? I think after that I should be able to start riding her alone."

"Sure, no problem," the little brown-haired woman affirmed. "She's a lot of fun and you did a fantastic job with her, Lori. I'm amazed at how well you get these horses trained in such a short amount of time."

Lori shrugged in embarrassment. "It's no big deal, really. I just follow what a lot of the other trainers and clinicians tell you."

Shannon snorted. "Lori, I could watch those same people – and I have – every day for a year and I still wouldn't get the results you do. You have a gift, woman – a natural ability to read what they need all the time. That's rare and you should be proud of it."

Lori was silent, absorbing the compliment.

Shannon vigorously ran her fingers through her hair and groaned in contentment. "It always feels so good to get that helmet off – even if I do have hat hair afterwards."

Lori demurred with a sound of protest. "You've got the cutest hair – it looks fine all the time. Not like mine," she stated, pulling off her hat. "Would you look at what's started happening lately?" she demanded, pointing at her temple where the grey hairs were clearly visible. "I can't believe I'm going grey at 21!"

Shannon leaned over to inspect the hair and grinned at her friend. "Oh, I think you'll survive. Good grief – I've got more than that – I just disguise it with a bottle every month!"

"But I didn't have any and then a couple of weeks ago – poof! All this grey showed up!"

Shannon laughed and shook her head. "'All this grey' – it's what? Ten hairs?"

Lori pouted at her lack of sympathy. "Eight, I'll have you know." But after a moment she grinned at the older woman's teasing.

"Well, if it really bothers you, then you can always pull it out or dye it," Shannon said, then grew a little more serious. "But you know, they say it can be brought about by stress and Heaven knows, you've had enough of that this year. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I've known people who've had a patch of grey like that after something traumatic and then a few years later, it's all gone again. And not because they coloured it."

"Really?"

"Yep. A rider I knew who got into a bad wreck while jumping had a huge patch of white show up. He lived with it for about six months and then after awhile, his hair started coming in brown again and now you'd never know."

"Hmm," Lori said, thinking. "You reckon I can wear a cowboy hat to church for the next six months?"

**********

Shannon was back the next day for the second ride on the filly. Things were going well – almost a repeat of the first day – until they were almost finished. The mare started to get agitated and distracted, looking continuously down the road that was barely discernible from the riding arena at the side of the Pate property. When Shannon tried to get the filly's mind back on the job at hand, the horse started to snort and tense up, resisting Shannon's request to flex.

When the 2-year-old started whinnying in loud, plaintive cries, Shannon turned the filly back to the center of the roundpen.

"Right," she called to Lori. "I'm getting off before this thing loses her brain completely."

She flexed her hard to the left, dismounted in the same fashion she had the day before, and then handed her over to Lori.

"Let me do some more groundwork with her, Shannon," Lori said as she affixed a long line to the halter and secured the hackamore reins so they didn't interfere. "I want her to realize that every time a human gets off because she's misbehaving, she's going to work."

Lori had the filly sweating by the time they saw what the horse had been reacting to; as she was finishing up with the lunging and had started to desensitize her to the plastic bag again, a group of riders came around the corner of the house, following the tracks made by trucks delivering hay to the nearby shed.

"Hi there," Shannon called as she headed to the gate to welcome them.

"Hi," a middle-aged woman on a bony grey mare answered back as she rode up to the arena fence. "My name is Kate Dickson – I'm from the horse farm across the highway," she said in introduction, gesturing with her chin towards the road in question. "Are you the new owners?"

Shannon shook her head and looked back towards Lori, who was leading the filly up to the roundpen gate. She flicked a thumb in Lori's direction as she ducked under the fence.

"No, I'm a friend of Lori's – she owns the place. I'm just here helping out today."

Lori wrapped the filly's lead line a couple of times around a fence rail close to the riders, who were starting to fill in behind Kate; she scooted out from the arena and extended a hand upwards.

"I'm Lori Pate," she offered, shaking hands with Kate briefly before turning to say a firm word to the excited, pawing filly. Shannon went back to the rail and stayed near the youngster as a source of reassurance.

"It's nice to meet you, Lori," Kate answered. "I've been meaning to come down this way a lot sooner, but I'm sure you know how it goes – there's always something to do at your own place."

Lori returned Kate's grin and nodded. "Yeah. I haven't had much chance to meet the neighbours myself with getting the place set up. Which farm are you at again?"

"It's the riding stable about three miles from here, across the highway. We're on rather a long ride today, but I wanted to introduce myself and also let the neighbours around these parts know we think we had a cougar around our farm the other day."

"A cougar?" Shannon and Lori said in unison, startled by the announcement.

Kate nodded grimly and patted her fidgeting grey before adjusting her grip on reins and riding crop. "Yeah, there've been rumours for awhile that one has been making its way over from London. They usually stick close to a water source and people think they've spotted one near the Thames on several occasions. We never thought too much about it because that's a good distance away, but apparently it's on the move."

Lori had to consciously jam her hands into her pockets to keep from wringing them and took a deep breath. Dealing with sick raccoons or a bold coyote was one thing; having a predator the size and lethal cunning of a mountain lion come after a horse was quite another.

One of the other riders nudged her horse forward at this and confirmed, "My aunt lives near London and one of her horses was killed by it. Well, it didn't actually kill it, but they're fairly certain it attacked one of her mares and she got so scared she ran headlong into a shelter and broke her neck. She had long claw marks down one whole side of her body, but it looked like she got away. Unfortunately, she wasn't thinking clearly and collided with the wall."

"Wow," Lori breathed as the hairs stood up on the back of her neck. All of the horse-owners were silent for a moment, feeling all too clearly the horror the animal must have been going through to run headlong into a building.

Shannon tossed Lori a look of concern and scepticism combined. "Why do you think it's by your place now?" she challenged Kate.

The rider shifted in her saddle then rested a confident hand on her thigh. "Our dogs were barking like mad about 2:00 in the morning yesterday – we went out with a light and checked everything over but couldn't see anything. When daylight came, we did a thorough search and found some huge tracks at the far end of one of our pastures. The horses were really spooked that morning, too. Something was out there, for sure."

Shannon nodded speculatively. "What did the tracks look like? Could you see claw marks or just the pads of the foot?"

"Just the pads – it was definitely a cat of some type, since they retract their claws when walking."

Shannon bit her lip. "Yeah, it doesn't sound like a coyote – or even a wolf."

Kate shook her head. "No, I don't think it was either of those. These tracks were huge and they were made by one animal. It's travelling alone."

Lori was staring off into the distance, trying to quell the primal fear that was slithering up her spine, and didn't realize Kate was looking for a response.

"Anyway," Kate resumed, "we probably wouldn't be allowed to shoot the thing – my husband's checking into that – but you'll want to tell your husband to keep his gun nearby, in case you have to shoot into the air to frighten it off," Kate cautioned.

Lori gave Shannon a pained look at the mention of a husband's protection, but cleared her throat and nodded. "I'll figure out something," she vowed. "Thanks for coming by and letting me know."

Kate nodded and turned her horse around. "It was nice to meet you, Lori. Take care of yourself and let me know if you see anything, ok?"

Lori jerked her head in an affirmative response and sent them off with a wave and a "be safe."

After they left, Shannon wrapped an arm around Lori's waist and squeezed. "I wouldn't worry too much about it," she reassured her friend. "Chances are no cat is going to get this close to people. Just make sure the horses are put in the barn at night and you'll be okay."

Lori gave the older woman a haunted look and swallowed thickly.

**********

After that visit, Lori began sleeping restlessly. Even though it was September, she kept the windows open every night, whether it was warm or not and listened intently to every sound outside. One night, she was awakened by the stench of a skunk; it smelled as though it were right under her bedroom window and she came awake with heart pounding, certain a cougar had startled one into spraying. She grabbed the spotlight she had bought the day before and shined it around the yard, but saw nothing but the ambling black-and-white backside of the skunk as it waddled away.

Her horses seemed fine – they weren't uneasy at any point during the course of the day or night – and the new barn cat Lori had started calling Bear still maintained a constant vigil which Lori took as good signs. Surely if a mountain lion were prowling around, they would let her know.

When she told her father about it during their weekly phone call, however, he enflamed all her fears.

"Lori, when are you going to come to your senses and sell that place?" he demanded with a mixture of concern and frustration in his voice. "I still say that place is too much for you and this is just plain dangerous now, if there are cats hanging around the house."

Lori bit her lip and counted to five. "Dad, there aren't any cats 'hanging around the house' except for two kittens and a big tabby out by the barn. I'm fine. Really."

She could almost hear him shaking his head. "You say that now, but one of these days I'm going to get a different kind of phone call – one where something's happened and then it'll be too late. I'm worried about you – I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know, Dad. I do know. And I appreciate you caring so much about me and worrying for me, but I've got a lot of clients right now and things are going well." She paused and her tone softened. "I think I might be able to do this, Daddy. Please let me try."

There was a pause at the other end of the line then her father's voice came as softly as her own and thick with emotion. "I love you, honey." He cleared his throat then said with a false sense of cheerfulness, "Why don't you talk to your mother for a bit?"

Her mother, as always, was that mix of practicality and support that Lori relied upon and she relaxed a little bit as she talked. With her mom, the conversation turned to the details of the farm, how she was running the books, where she was advertising her services and if she was going to pick up any project horses for the winter.

"Remember, sweetheart, that October sale at Carson's is going to be a good one," she put in. "People want to unload all their 'trouble' horses before they have to feed them over the winter. You should be able to pick up a couple of good ones and then you'll have a solid five months to get them trained properly in your indoor arena. Come April, you'll be able to sell them as prepared show horses for double or triple what you paid for them."

Lori's eyes brightened at the idea. "Do you think I should invest in more now, though?"

"I do. You're set for hay, aren't you? I thought you and Cody had purchased enough for a barn full of horses."

Lori firmed her jaw – almost unconsciously now – at the thought of Cody and answered evenly. "We had, yeah. It's not so much the feeding I'm worried about as actually paying for the horses, though."

"Well, let's think practically about this. In this economy and with so many horses available, you can probably pick up a couple of good riding horses there for under $2000. And I know between you and Shannon you can find buyers that will pay $5000 willingly for a well-trained horse, right?"

"Yes..." Lori hesitated, doing a quick calculation of her current cash flow.

"Listen, if you need us to, your dad and I will chip in the money for the horses and you can pay us back the difference at 1% interest when you sell them."

Lori smiled despite herself. That was ever her mother – loaning her daughter money at a low rate of interest instead of handing it to her outright. You'll never make it in the world, sweetheart, unless you learn the ways of business. How often had she heard those words when her mother offered a proposition of this nature? She extended a generous interest rate, to be sure, but it was always a loan – never a gift. Even her Outback had been purchased in this way when she first got out of school.

"Let me see what I've got around here first, Mom. I might have enough – I just have to buy some firewood this month for the winter, and I'm not sure how much that will be yet. But thanks for the offer."

"Have you got a supplier lined up for that?"

"Yeah, I think so. My hay guy has a friend who sells wood – it's a little more, but he'll deliver it free of charge and I'll definitely appreciate the convenience of having it dumped right by the basement window I'll be tossing it through!"

"Who's helping you do that? You'll have to get that in soon if it's going to dry out enough for you to use by December."

"Looks like it's just going to be me. I can't call Jesse now that Anne is freaking out and Shannon said she's at horse shows every weekend and trying to winterize her barn in between. I don't want to bother her. But I should be okay – I've rigged up a system where I'll slide the wood down a chute I made, into the basement, then when it's piled up good and high, I'll head inside and stack it properly. Then, I guess I'll just repeat as necessary until all 10 cords are tucked away. It shouldn't be too hard."

"You sure?"

Lori laughed. "Well, I'll let you know after the first load arrives!"

Lori's mother was silent for a moment then said in a serious tone of voice, "Lori, I know your dad is always pushing you to sell and come back home. I want you to know you'll always have a place here. But I want you to know, too, that I think you're doing great. I'm very proud of you. And I want you to stick this out as long as you can. The more you can prove to yourself, and the more independent you can be, the better. Don't be in a hurry to throw in the towel and come rushing back here. That's your home now."

"Yeah," Lori answered with a glimmer of hope lighting her eyes, "It is."

Chapter 8

Noel Tecumseh stepped out of his rusted, ancient pick-up truck with a push pin gripped between his teeth and adjusted the beat-up felt hat on his brow. Leaning back in to the vehicle, he reached over the driver's seat and grabbed another sheet of paper with a dramatic charcoal sketch of a cougar on the top and his name and phone number written beneath. Everything about Noel was comfortable – from his dusty cowboy boots to his faded blue jeans to the deerskin coat with fringe under the arms. He looked at the advertisement for a moment, ensuring the information was correct and the tear-off strips of paper at the bottom were cut so that people could remove his name and number without taking down the entire piece of paper.

After glancing in both directions, he crossed the street and walked up to the Delhi community bulletin board located out front of one of the convenience stores. Finding a suitable place, he stabbed his sheet of paper with the push pin and stood back admiring his work. He was conscious of the two older men watching him from the bench a few yards away. He smiled slightly and ran a thumb and forefinger down and around his mouth, echoing the thin beard he sported there. No doubt his appearance was rattling them. Gypsy? Mexican? Indian? The speculation was probably running rampant – albeit in whispers – and providing more excitement for the old codgers than they'd had all year. Well, anything he could do to keep them entertained, he was more than happy to provide. As long as they didn't take down his ad.

He turned and made his way back to the pick-up, stepping up into his sanctuary, his home, and sat for a moment, not turning on the ignition. Something was telling him to wait. He didn't know for what and had no expectations, but experience had taught him when that Something talked, he'd best listen. So he sat and observed and it wasn't too much later that they came into view: two women, about ten years apart in age, one petite with hair the colour of a hickory nut's shell; the other taller – closer to his own height of 5'11" – and stunningly beautiful to his heart. He felt her speaking to his soul as no other person had ever spoken to him and he clenched the steering wheel unconsciously. The woman from his dream, come to life.

He watched them walking towards him down the sidewalk, talking to each other as they went. She had hair almost as black as his own, but there was a tell-tale glimmer of grey by her temple. Noel's black-brown eyes narrowed when he saw it.

"Mmm," he uttered, almost in reflex.

She moved with a paradoxical self-conscious grace, almost as though she were embarrassed by the very things that drew people to her and a slow smile grew on his face. Yes, his heart said. Yes. I know that, too.

They stopped abruptly on the walk and looked over to the men sitting on the bench by the bulletin board. Apparently one of the men had called them, because the petite woman waved and gestured to her friend that they should cross. They detoured only a few yards in front of his truck. For one fleeting instant, the raven-haired beauty looked right at him, her eyes a brilliant grey-green slant, and he took a sharp intake of breath. But then she was looking the other way, ensuring there were no cars coming as they crossed and stopped to talk to the men.

He watched her nod shyly as her friend introduced her to the old codgers, his heart pounding at the thought of her getting away. There was a sadness around her. Something had happened. And recently. If he went up to her – ran up to her, like he wanted to do – would she be alarmed? He could hardly accost the poor woman on the street. How could he introduce himself in a way that wouldn't frighten her off? More importantly, how could he let her go?

As Noel sat in indecision, he saw one of the old men nod towards his truck then point to the bulletin board with a cane. He stilled himself and slowed his heart. Just watch. Just wait. Trust in the process.

The raven-haired walked to the board, scanned the multitude of papers, stopped on his. She looked over her shoulder for a moment, checking out his truck from the corner of her eye, then reached up with a pale, graceful hand and tore off his name and number.

He exhaled slowly, the tension melting away from his clenched fingers, and turned on the ignition. Not yet. When the time was right.

Noel Tecumseh put the truck in gear and drove away.

**********

"Lori, why on earth did you take that scrap of paper?" Shannon asked in exasperation as she shrugged out of her blazer and settled into the booth of the coffee shop they had stopped at for lunch. "Did you see what that guy was driving? Even if there was a cougar on my property, I sure wouldn't be calling that guy to come and get it for me."

Lori stuck her tongue out at her friend and slipped her own wool pea coat off. It was a crisp September day, but the restaurant, quaintly called "Just Like Grandma's," was warm where they sat in the sun streaming in from a huge bay window. She brought out the piece of paper she'd torn from the ad and looked at his name. Noel Tecumseh.

Truth be told, she didn't know why she'd taken the paper – and she hadn't been able to see any more of the man than a silhouette as he sat in his truck – but something had compelled her to take it.

"I don't know," she said with a shrug, "it couldn't hurt, right? I hope to God I never have to call him, but better safe than sorry. I mean, what are the odds of a guy showing up in town, advertising that he specializes in big cats, when there's been a cougar scare? I just look at this like insurance," she said, waving the paper lightly before she tucked it into her wallet.

Shannon snorted derisively. "Yeah, what are the odds? He probably lets his pet mountain lion loose all the time, then goes and picks it up and charges the terrified farmer a fortune to do it."

Lori looked at her friend, a smile of disbelief spreading across her face as she shook her head. "God, you're cynical," she laughed.

Shannon winked at her. "Trust no one."

**********

It was with a mixture of relief and trepidation that Lori watched the first load of firewood being dumped on her property. The men delivering it would have to come back four more times to complete the transaction and Lori felt daunted by the pile already before her. Throwing all of that down into the basement and stacking it properly was going to be a huge job. Still, once it was in, she was truly ready for the winter.

Lori remembered reading in school about "man's basic needs being met" first and foremost. It was only after you were warm –through shelter, fuel and food – that you could concentrate on the finer things in life. She could wholeheartedly agree. Nothing seemed to give her more pleasure these days than to see a barn full of hay, a pantry full of food, and a basement full of wood.

She kicked one of the pieces at her feet and squared her shoulders. "Best get crackin', Pate," she said to herself. "That basement's not going to get full on its own."

She worked steadily through the morning, moving from the pile of dumped wood to the window with armfuls of split logs, arranging them around it so that when enough had been accumulated she could easily kneel by the open window and grab piece after piece and fire it down the chute she'd made with 2x4s. Soon she had a large pile haphazardly strewn about on the basement floor and a lesser one in the yard. At that time, Lori stopped to take a break, grabbed a drink, and headed inside to stack it properly in the basement. The kittens had been locked out of the basement while she worked so that they wouldn't get hit by the flying pieces of wood, but now she let them accompany her downstairs and sniff through the treasure trove of woodland scents brought in by the logs.

Similar to the hay, stacking wood required its own unique logistics. Lori stacked the chunks of maple, oak and ash from wall to wall and as high as the ceiling in a strategic way so that the row wouldn't tumble forward. Smaller pieces were used as a wedge between the larger logs; Lori analyzed each piece as she picked it up and found the perfect niche for it amongst the ones already in place. The work was surprisingly easy and Lori found within a couple of hours she had cleared the first two cords away while the kittens chased spiders around the strips of bark still scattered on the floor. There was one more cord to be thrown in from outside yet; by the time she was finished with it, the deliverymen should be back with another three cords. They had agreed to bring six today and six the following weekend, making it four trips in total since the trailer could only hold three at a time. Lori would need some time in between, anyway, to throw it and stack it but she felt confident she could handle it on her own.

She had a quick cheese sandwich with some potato chips for lunch then headed back outside to throw in the last cord on the lawn. As she walked out the back door, she looked over to the pasture and did a quick visual on her horses. Piper and Ebony were at the far end of the acreage, contentedly grazing on the end-of-summer grass in their field. It was an idyllic scene and Lori paused for a moment, just to enjoy the sight of her animals on her property.

The silence was starting to get to her today for some reason, though, so she went to the garage and grabbed the portable radio Cody had put there for use while he was working on the truck. She flipped it on and jumped when his heavy rock music began blaring out of the speakers. Instinctually, she moved to switch it to another station, but then hesitated. Every time she did something like this – changed a radio station, moved a lamp on his side of the bed, switched to a different type of laundry detergent – she felt she was severing another tie with him. She didn't want to forget him, didn't want to move on without him...and yet, it seemed silly to keep it on a music she didn't like just to remember him.

"I'm sorry," she breathed, hoping he heard and understood. She set her fingers to the dial and switched to her country music station then chuckled in painful irony when she heard what they were playing. It was the one song Cody had really liked when he'd heard it on her barn radio earlier in the year – "I've Got the Scars to Prove It" by The Road Hammers.

Lori hadn't heard it for awhile and felt a few unbidden tears burn her eyes when she processed the lyrics again now.

I ran on whiskey and burned like gas, I went too far, I went too fast – I'd light a fire just to walk right through it. Busted bones, dreams and tears, tattoo my heart like souvenirs – life is just a word till you go through it. I've got the scars to prove it.

She wasn't sure if the song spoke more to Cody's life or her own, but it seemed fitting today. And she definitely knew something about scars now, too. She sighed heavily and grabbed the radio, bringing it over to the doorway where she could hear it from outside.

As she was straightening up from adjusting the dial, Lori glimpsed an old pitchfork they kept in the garage for those unplanned-for tasks that always seemed to happen on the farm. With an impulse she couldn't understand – and wouldn't have been able to articulate – she grabbed it and carried it outside with her, leaning it up against the house near the basement window before she resumed her log assembly.

She transported wood and slid it down the chute with a steady rhythm, based on the songs she heard on the radio, humming along to Keith Urban, Brad Paisley, Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum. She was totally consumed with the process and her eyes never strayed from the last remaining pile around her as she grabbed another piece and fired it down into the basement. The pace picked up as Rascal Flatts' latest single began and Lori laughed as she realized she was going to finish the three cords on her own before the next delivery arrived. She was a well-oiled, log-stacking machine!

Still kneeling by the window, Lori watched the last log go careening down the chute and heard it hit with a solid "thunk" against another piece. She rocked back on her heels, wiped the sweat from her forehead, revelling in the feeling of accomplishment. Now all she had to do was stack this and she could call it quits for the day.

It was as she looked out towards the front of the driveway to check for the next delivery, that her heart froze. It was sitting not 30 feet away from her, its long tail wrapped around its feet and its golden eyes fixed on her every move the way only predators can watch prey.

Lori made an involuntary, primal sound of fear and backed up against the house, grabbing for the pitchfork even as her brain screamed, Cougar! to her. She realized the movement and noise were probably the last things she should have done but she could no more have controlled them than she could have the earthquake-like shaking of her knees. The mountain lion came at her with the intensity of a god, its large paws padding towards her with no sound at all, its eyes pinning her to the wall as though he held the pitchfork.

Lori whimpered then shouted in outrage and fear. "No!" she screamed. "You stay the hell away!" She brandished the pitchfork like it was Excalibur and kept the cat just out of range of striking her with those lethal claws.

It growled and hissed when it saw the weapon, but backed off, crouching down to assess this new turn of events. They stared at each other for a few, heart-pounding moments, Lori standing her ground even as the adrenaline flooding her system threatened to make her faint.

The cat was in good health. Lori knew he would be too powerful and too quick for her to try to outrun or fight him. The thought of turning her back on him and trying to get to the house or garage made all the hair stand up on the back of her neck, as though in defence of teeth sinking into her nape. What was she going to do? She couldn't leave, anyway – she had to drive this thing away or he was going to go after the horses next. She had to get them into the barn as soon as she could, but that meant driving him off – if even for a few minutes.

She was starting to feel nauseous from the adrenaline as the massive predator just crouched there, staring at her. His eyes were pure killing power and his head was immense – his skull must easily span two of her hands spread apart. If she didn't act soon, he was going to leap at her and then pitchfork or no pitchfork, she was dead. There was no way she'd be able to fight off 200 lbs. of sinew and muscle launched at her throat.

Experts always said make yourself big through noise and posture and go forward – don't back down or away. Easier said than done when you had an animal in front of you that could kill you with one casual swipe of its paw.

Lori took a deep breath, exhaled, and took a firmer grip on the pitchfork. The mountain lion intensified his gaze at her movement and the tightly-wound muscles coiled even tighter.

"Go away!" Lori screamed again, raising the pitchfork in a menacing way and putting a shaky foot forward. She didn't like the vulnerability of moving away from the house at all, but she couldn't continue to have this stare-down with the cat.

"Go on! Get away!" she shouted, taking another step forward.

The cougar shrank down a bit as she went on the offensive, flattening his ears down onto his head and narrowing his eyes at her. Emboldened by the gestures, Lori came at him with more purpose, raising the pitchfork again and yelling nonsense at the top of her lungs.

The cat backed off, putting the earlier distance between them again, but stopped there and stood his ground one more time. He made a nasty threat of a growl, slashing at the air in front of the pitchfork and showing Lori the daggers he had for teeth at the same time. She hesitated, unnerved by the length of his fangs; she could imagine them sinking into her flesh all too easily.

She focused on every twitch of his fur until her eyes bulged, looking for any ripple of muscle to let her know which way he was going next. She had to keep him outside of pitchfork range or she was done. He'd try to come at her from behind now that she was away from the building. She had to be careful. She had to be quick.

"Just get out of here!" she yelled again, her voice breaking from the strain.

The cat took another hissing, spitting step backwards. In this agonizingly slow way, Lori drove him another 20 yards down the driveway, the battle of wills being played out in slow motion for no one else to see.

Lori was just beginning to wonder how she was going to get all the way back to the house without him returning for her, when she saw the truck and trailer coming down the road with her next load of wood. She allowed herself to close her eyes in relief for one fraction of a second then continued her stare-down with the mountain lion. All she had to do now was wait – help was on the way.

When the men in the truck realized what was happening, they turned in and drove aggressively up the drive, honking the horn and hollering out their windows. That was all it took.

The cougar immediately dropped his stance, his belly and tail almost touching the ground as he leapt away to the right of Lori, then crossed the road in the distance. Lori slowly collapsed onto the driveway, using the pitchfork as a brace as she slithered down it, sobbing in relief.

**********

Within fifteen minutes, Lori had the horses caught and back in a tightly-sealed barn and the men had called neighbours, the police and the Ministry of the Environment. People descended on the farm and she told the story over and over again as they analyzed the cougar's every action and behaviour. Search parties and men with tranquilizer guns and dogs were sent out to look for it, but Lori wanted only to curl up in bed and cry.

When peace had finally descended on the place again and everyone had departed, Lori went into the house and fixed herself a tumbler of straight whisky. She couldn't stand the stuff and they had only kept it around because it was the remainders from an open bar at their wedding reception, but it felt good as it burned its way down her throat. She hoped it would finally quell the shaking of her hands, too.

She put off sleep, knowing that it would be a restless night – and one undoubtedly filled with nightmares. She stayed downstairs, with the lights turned on, the TV going and the kittens curled up on either side of her. It was there on the couch that she finally succumbed to the effects of exhaustion and the Michael Collins Single Malt, sleeping with her head propped up on the back of the sofa.

The dream started innocuously enough. Lori was back in the loft above the barn, sitting on the second-hand couch she and Cody had purchased at an auction shortly before they were married. She remembered it was rough under her hands, a durable brown tweed; she was sitting there, running her hands back and forth over the fabric. She felt safe here above the horses, comfortable. She was conscious of someone puttering around behind her in the kitchen as she watched TV, but she didn't know who it was. He or she was making food and the clattering dishes and scent of frying onions only served to broaden Lori's sense of well-being.

She was curled up on the couch, her long legs tucked in underneath her as she watched the program. Bear had suddenly materialized in the room like the Cheshire cat at that point – he was, without surprise on Lori's part, in front of her on the floor, setting up a racket with his meowing. Clearly, the food smelled good – he was requesting a portion.

"Don't yell at me," Lori told him, looking down and smiling at the furry, walking stomach. "If you want something, go in there and ask for it," she told the big tom cat as she pointed behind her to the kitchen.

Bear looked at her, quite discontent with her answer, but tucked his legs up under his chest and settled in on the floor to her side. He fell silent at that point, watching the images on the TV screen with mild disinterest. Lori's attention was drawn back to the show and she didn't look again at Bear for several minutes.

In the curious way of dreams, when she next did look down, Bear had changed into an enormous black panther. The big cat was sprawled out in front of her, resembling nothing so much as a rug in some big game hunter's trophy room, but he was very much alive. His deep and mildly-foreboding brown-black eyes looked up at her as she leaned over to get a better look at him. Lori craned her head over the side of the couch, not in fear but rather in curiosity as to how this creature had suddenly appeared. The panther was huffing slightly, as though it were too warm in the room for him, and he extended a startlingly bright pink tongue and swiped it across a front paw that was easily the size of Lori's skull.

He continued to clean himself, giving Lori only the merest glance of acknowledgement now and then with those all-knowing eyes, his wide head and thick neck bobbing with rhythm as he bathed.

For some inane reason, Lori reached down at that point and stroked her fingers through the panther's sleek black fur. Her white fingers disappeared in the plush as she stroked his hip, clearly unafraid in her own actions. The cat flicked his tail at her touch and stopped his washing to narrow his eyes and flatten his ears slightly, but he didn't attack or move away. He watched her hand for a few moments then lied down fully again on the floor with a contented "huff" and closed his eyes.

"When is supper going to be ready?" Lori called to her companion in the kitchen. She didn't look back, obviously assuming the person was still there and well-known to her.

"When it's ready," an amused male voice answered. "My, but you're an impatient thing, aren't you?"

Lori smiled, her eyes never leaving the TV. "Not impatient – just hungry."

"Well maybe if you ate when you were supposed to instead of spending all day in the roundpen you wouldn't get this hungry," he chided gently.

Lori's grin grew wider. "And whose fault is that? If you would have just brought me a sandwich that I could have carried around in there with me..." she trailed off with a laugh.

"If you think for one moment you're going to blame this on me, think again," he responded. Except that his voice came from underneath her feet this time.

Lori leaned over and smiled down at the black panther, who was now talking to her. "I'm not here to ensure your bodily needs are met, nor am I here to assist you in some twisted fashion with your horse training. Lest you forget," he added with a twitch of his tail.

She reached further over and ruffled the big black head with deep affection.

"I love you, you grump," she told him.

The black panther smiled and twitched his tail in answer.

**********

Lori came awake slowly, confused about where she was and inadvertently squeezing the kittens who had each chosen a hand to curl up against on the couch. They both made small sounds of discontent, arched their backs in the classic cat stretch and jumped down after huge yawns.

"Sorry, guys," Lori muttered as she leaned forward into a proper sitting position. She groaned as the crick in her neck became evident then clasped a hand to the ache. With the other hand, she scrubbed furiously at her face, trying to wake up. She yawned, too, and stretched both arms up above her head, thinking about her dream. When she realized how the dream had ended, she looked instinctively down to her feet, but there was no panther there. Even the kittens had moved off in search of kibble or a litter box.

"Good grief," Lori said in exasperation, "isn't it enough to have a cougar on the property? Why do I have to dream about cats, too?"

She slouched off to the kitchen, put a kettle of water on to boil for tea, threw a couple of slices of bread into the toaster, and headed to the bathroom on the main level. The water wasn't as warm as she would have normally taken it, but splashing a bit of cold on her face wouldn't harm her after a dream like that. She needed to wake up a bit and plan her day. The horses were still going to need exercise – even if she couldn't turn them out until they trapped the cougar – so she supposed the next best thing was going to be to take them to the indoor arena and let them loose in there for awhile. She needed to start getting that prepared for winter use, anyway, so while they sniffed around and played, she could oil hinges, double-check the chain on the garage door pulley, look for any leaks and get a hitching post set up at the side. If she remembered correctly, the tools for that were up in the loft – she'd have to take a walk around up there and see what else had been put into storage.

Thinking of the loft brought her back to her dream and Lori shook her head in bewilderment. What an odd sequence of events. For one thing, why was she living in the loft? For another, who was making her supper? His voice sounded very familiar and there was a part of her that wanted it to be Cody, but she knew that wasn't the case. She couldn't understand why she didn't know who it was in reality or why she hadn't looked at him. And then for Bear to appear, turn into a black panther – and a talking one at that – was just too bizarre.

Lori snorted and shook her head again. No more whisky for her, she thought, as she grabbed for the hand towel on the ring next to the sink. She lifted her head as she patted her face dry then looked into the mirror. She gasped at what she saw, her hands involuntarily clamping down on the terry cloth.

Where the eight grey hairs had been there was now a pronounced patch of silver. The spot was roughly the size of her fist, nestled comfortably at the corner of her hair where the top of her scalp met temple.

"Oh, my God," Lori whispered as she gingerly reached up and touched the hairs. She felt slightly nauseous as she pulled them from side to side, inspecting the roots, her mind frantically working. This wasn't just about being vain anymore – this change had happened literally overnight. What was going on?

Lori let the silver hair slide through her fingers as she pulled the strands away from her head. Grey, all the way to the tips. She tried to slow her breathing, willing herself not to panic. What was happening to her? Was she sick? Should she go to the doctor?

Shannon had said she had known people who had gone through something similar after traumatic events. Well, she supposed having a cougar attack her would qualify. Maybe it was just her body's way of reacting to all the excitement around here lately. She lowered her hand and shakily hung up the towel again. She forced herself to calm down and didn't look at the mirror again as she left the bathroom. Once everything settles down around the farm again, this will stop, she told herself. It's just a little bit of grey hair. Relax.

She did eventually put it out of her mind, at least for a little while. But when Lori went to the grocery store later that day, she bought a bottle of black hair dye. She might give in, but not without a fight.

**********

Lori set the phone down gently after she disconnected from the call. It hadn't been good news. The police had called to say they still hadn't found the cougar but fresh tracks had been seen just a mile away going through a dairy farmer's field. "Take every precaution" the constable had said. Meaning, don't let the horses out yet and carry a gun or pitchfork with you when moving around your property.

Lori didn't relish the idea of phoning her parents back with an update. While her mother had remained supportive after hearing the first account, her father had grown increasingly more frantic with every report she brought him. He was putting the pressure on heavily now to sell – or at least move back home with them immediately. Lori held fast to her resolution to remain where she was, but was scared enough without listening to her father voice his own fears.

They just had to find that mountain lion soon. She might even lose clients because of it. Someone had called yesterday, wanting to know if she would break in a 2-year-old for him over the winter and she had felt obliged to tell him about the current conditions on the farm. He had understood and hadn't ruled out the possibility altogether, but had told her he wouldn't bring the colt until the cat was gone. No person in their right mind would willingly send their horse to her to be trained right now – not knowing that there was a predator on the loose. Lori looked out the dining room window and bit her lip. There was another alternative to sitting around here, waiting for the government to find the cat, but it would require a leap of faith on her part.

She stood up and went to her purse, grabbed her wallet and returned to the dining room table and phone, tucking one leg up underneath her as she sat down again. She pulled out the tiny scrap of paper and set it down in front of her.

Lori picked up the phone, but dialled a different number.

"Shannon?"

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you? Any word on that cougar yet?"

Lori sighed softly. "No. That's why I'm calling. Listen, Shannon...I think I'm going to call that guy."

There was a pause then Shannon uttered a sound of inquiry.

"You know. Noel Tecumseh. The guy who was advertising he caught cats."

Shannon laughed derisively. "Oh, Lori! You didn't actually keep that number, did you?"

Lori clenched her jaw at her friend's ribbing. "Yes, I did. And a good thing, too, since the police can't seem to help."

Shannon's tone softened. "Okay. I know it must be really unnerving to be there alone and know there's a mountain lion around the place. I don't blame you at all for wanting to do something."

Lori, somewhat mollified, grunted in agreement.

"But do you really think calling this guy is best? We don't know anything about him, Lori. Like I said, he could just be planting the animal in the area so he can come in and save the day, then get paid for it."

"I know, Shannon. I've thought of it more since you said that. But really, at this stage of the game, I don't care. I just want that thing gone. If it's his, fine. I'll gladly pay him to take it away. I can't live like this anymore, Shannon – I want my freedom back to walk around my property."

"Well, have you at least checked him out online? Done a search to see if anyone else has heard of him?"

"I did this morning. There's nothing. I can't find a thing on him. Nothing bad, nothing good. It's like he doesn't even exist."

Shannon exhaled discontentedly. "I don't like the sounds of that, Lori. I really wish you wouldn't do this. What if he's a criminal and Noel isn't even his name?"

"I know. I've thought of that, too. But Shannon, if he can help and I don't take the chance, I'll regret it. I need this to be over. I could start losing clients over this and I certainly can't do anymore demos until the cat's gone. I don't know what else to do, Shannon."

There was a silence on the line and Lori put her head in her hand, unconsciously rubbing her temple where the grey patch was as she listened to the hush from the receiver.

"Okay, Lori," Shannon finally conceded. "Give the guy a call. But I want you to take note of everything – his license plate number, his height, his weight, distinguishing features – everything. And you keep that pitchfork within reach while he's on your property. And if you can, arrange for him to come when the police are there."

Lori smiled, touched by Shannon's concern. "I'll be okay, Shannon. Nothing more is going to happen to me. Have some faith."

Shannon made a sound distinctly like a "humph," which was shocking coming from such a petite woman. "It better not," she avowed.

**********

Again, Lori sat and stared at the phone. Her leg was still tucked up underneath her and her heart was beating ridiculously fast. She bit her lip and looked at the little piece of paper. It seemed so harmless, so unthreatening. Her fingers drummed the tabletop as she debated what to do. She ran through all the reasons why she wanted the cat gone – and there were a lot – and then the one reason why she shouldn't call. Fear of the unknown. That's all it was. Because there was no proof that Noel Tecumseh was anything other than what he said he was.

She had told Shannon you had to have faith. She hadn't meant in Noel Tecumseh – she was just as uncertain as her friend about him. But she had faith that nothing else was going to happen to her. Didn't she hear all the time in church that nothing happened to people that they couldn't handle with God's help? Well, that's what she was placing her faith in. And if truth be known, with Cody gone, it really wouldn't be such a tragedy to Lori if she could be with him again.

She swept the phone up off the table and dialled with confidence.

"Hello?" a soft, warm voice said on the other side of the gap.

"Um, yes. Hi. Is this Noel Tecumseh?" Lori asked, immediately disconcerted.

"It is. How can I help you?"

"My name is Lori Pate. I, um...tangled with a cougar a couple of days ago. I saw your ad in town and I was wondering if you could come help."

"I can be there today," he said with reassurance rich in his voice. "Where do you live?"

Chapter 9

Lori heard the rumble of Noel Tecumseh's truck and headed out to the front porch to welcome him. She was alone, despite Shannon's request – there simply hadn't been enough time for anyone else to come in between her phoning him and his arrival. But Lori stuck by her original thought behind this meeting. She wasn't worried.

It had been a dry September and the sun was shining again today. As Noel stepped out of the truck, there was a shimmer of gold around him as the light and dust stirred up by his tires mixed. He adjusted his beat-up, Wyatt Earp-style hat and walked up to the porch with his hand extended.

"Lori?" Noel asked as he met her at the base of the stairs. When she nodded, he grasped her hand in a gentle grip, his thumb warm as it passed over her knuckles in a brief caress.

"I'm Noel Tecumseh. So what's this about a mountain lion?"

She descended the rest of the way so that they were standing level on the cobbles at the bottom of the porch. Lori took a moment to look him over – not in the detailed way Shannon had wanted, but rather just to get a glimpse of a man who presumably spent his life chasing after wild cats.

He was about the same height as she, but moved in a way that spoke of sinew and strength and a grace that riveted her attention on him. He was darker-skinned than her own fair complexion – even darker than Cody's golden tan used to be in the summer. She presumed there was some type of native blood there – especially with a name like Tecumseh – and the assumption was reinforced by the knife-edge nose, prominent cheekbones and brow that seemed to be carved from wood.

He was wearing a faded denim jacket and a darker pair of blue jeans but both seemed soft and washed often. There was an intensity to his brown-black eyes that made Lori a bit faint of heart; she felt a surety in this man that was overpowering. Whether he used his self-confidence for violence or gentleness had yet to be determined but Lori had the distinct feeling he had chosen both paths in his life.

"Yes," she said, after clearing her throat. "There was a cougar that came through the place a couple of days ago. I was out here, throwing firewood into the basement. I looked up and the cat was sitting right over here, watching me."

Lori started walking towards the site between the garage and house, pointing to show Noel where the cat had been in relation to her. When she turned back, she realized he had been watching her the whole time and not looking where she had indicated.

"And you say he was sitting there? He didn't try to attack?"

"Well, not at first. I don't know how long he'd been watching me when I noticed him. But he did try to attack when I saw him and screamed."

Noel cocked his head as though reprimanding her silently for blaming the animal and made a soft humming noise. "Well...if you screamed or acted scared, he would come towards you. Are you sure it was to attack, though?"

Lori gave a short laugh of disbelief. "I had to use a pitchfork to fend him off. I'm pretty sure it was an attack."

Noel smiled and shook his head slightly, looking down at the ground and kicking the toe of a well-worn boot into the grass. "I don't think so. If he'd wanted to attack you, I wouldn't be talking to you right now. Cats are silent and deadly. You had your back turned to him for an indeterminate amount of time and he just sat and watched? I don't think he was trying to hurt you."

Lori watched Noel in silence for a moment, thinking about what he'd said. Breaking out of her musings, she asked, "Well, regardless...where does that leave us? I have horses on the property and I want to be able to ride outside, train them in the roundpen, or just walk around without having a mountain lion watching me. Do you think we've scared him off and he won't come back?"

Noel shook his head. "No, he'll be back." He walked a few steps away, so that he could see the back of her property where the barn and pastures were laid out. He looked back at Lori with a reassuring smile. "He'll be back, but I don't think you need to be concerned for your safety."

Lori looked at him again in silence, her brows drawn down in confusion. "Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Tecumseh, but that's not a whole lot of consolation to me. I don't want this animal on my property again. Can you help me get rid of it? Or not?"

Noel nodded at Lori and ran his fingers over his beard in thought. "Of course I'll help you. We'll get the cat off your property permanently. I just wanted you to know that you needn't be afraid." His eyes burrowed into her as his warm voice reassured and Lori relaxed a bit.

"Oh. Okay. What do you normally charge for something like this, Mr. Tecumseh?"

"Please call me Noel – the other is far too formal for the likes of me," he said with a self-deprecating grin.

Lori smiled back and looked down in shyness, appalled that he might have read her thoughts about his worn look and fashion sense.

"Why don't we wait and see how long it takes and what's all involved? I don't have a set rate because each case is different. But rest assured, it will be reasonable. I don't need much to get by," he added with a wink. "Would you mind showing me the rest of the property? I like to know the lay of the land so I can understand what might draw a big cat here and where they might come onto the place. You said you have horses?"

"Yes," Lori responded, leading the way behind the garage and towards the pasture where Piper and Ebony were kept. "Right now, it's just my two – the bay and the Percheron you see in this smaller area near the barn. I train other people's, though, so I have horses coming and going on a pretty consistent basis. I just sent back a filly to a friend of mine and I'm hoping to be bringing a colt in soon, as well. But of course, I can't do that until I can guarantee his owner that it's safe here."

Noel looked at her out of the corner of his eye as they walked along. "It's safe."

Lori laughed. "You keep saying that, but how do you know?" She shoved her hands into her hoodie pockets as they strolled down the fence line towards the barn.

Noel smiled. "Well, I could get really esoteric on you here and say we're always safe, but I don't think you'll buy that." He tipped up a black eyebrow in question and his grin grew wider when she shook her head. "Alright, then. Let's just say I've been doing this for a long time and what you described is not classic predator behaviour. I think this lion is visiting you for some other reason. But until I can prove it to you, and figure out what that reason is, go ahead and take the precautions you need."

He was walking slightly ahead of her now, making his way to the barn, and Lori watched his back for a moment. This man was jumbling up her feelings in no uncertain terms.

"You say you've been doing this for awhile, Noel? I tried to find you online and couldn't see anything –?" Lori stopped abruptly as he halted, turned around and looked at her with a steady eye.

"You're very afraid, aren't you?" he asked quietly. "Why?"

Lori opened her mouth to speak then stopped. Finally she stammered, "A-Afraid? Afraid has nothing to do with it. But you do have to admit it seems a bit strange – this line of work you do and nobody knowing who you are. You'd think you'd have a reputation for it."

Noel rested his index finger in the valley between lip and chin, his thumb lightly stroking his beard underneath as he watched her. "I think fear has everything to do with it, but we can get into that later. As to the other," he shrugged and turned back towards the barn, walking at a steady pace so Lori had to quicken her gait to keep up, "just because you couldn't find me online doesn't mean I'm inexperienced. Nor does it mean I don't have a reputation. Maybe I just don't have a computer."

They had reached the barn at this point and Noel paused for a moment in the shade from the overhang. He cocked his head and was still, listening for something. Suddenly he squatted down and extended a hand; at the same moment, Bear came trotting from around the corner and went straight to him.

Lori watched in amazement as the big tom rubbed his chin – his whole body – along Noel's fingers. She could hear the cat purring – a sound she didn't even know he was capable of – from where she stood nearby. Noel scratched behind the tabby's ears, murmuring something softly Lori couldn't hear, and within seconds, the cat was lying on the ground at Noel's feet, writhing in bliss on the dusty cement as Noel rubbed his belly. Legs extended, claws scratching across the floor in ecstasy, Bear continued to roll around as Noel maintained his dialogue with the stray and Lori looked on, bemused.

"Alright, young man," Noel said after a few moments, breaking off the caress. He straightened up and smiled at Lori's expression, while Bear continued to march circles around Noel's legs, pressing his body in deep affection against his new human friend.

"That's pretty impressive," Lori conceded. "I've never heard him purr before."

Noel gave a light shrug, the hint of a smile playing around his mouth. "You would have. In time."

She showed him the barn, the outdoor ring, the riding arena – all with an utterly devoted barn cat following him around. When they had made their way back to the house, Lori walked to the back porch and sat down on the steps. Noel joined her, sitting on the same step but far enough away that they weren't touching.

"Well, Lori. What do you think? Do you want to try my help?" Bear came up the steps and curled himself around Noel's feet.

"I think I'll have to – I'm running out of ideas."

Noel laughed with a rich, warm tone. "Thanks," he said, pretending to be offended.

"Sorry – I didn't mean it that way," Lori answered, blushing.

"It's okay. I'm just teasing you."

Lori looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Despite herself, there was something about him she liked. She was starting to trust him, even though she had no good reason to do so.

"Normally I stay somewhere on the premises until the cat is caught," Noel stated. "I don't need anything fancy – I can sleep in my truck or pitch a tent – but do you need anybody else's permission? Anybody else live here?"

He looked over at her and Lori jerked her head in the negative, like a fish on a line. "No, it's just me."

Noel looked back over the property, carefully avoiding her eye. "Ah," he said quietly. "Maybe that's some of the fear, huh?"

Lori swallowed. "Maybe."

"Are you okay with me staying here? Like I said, I'll sleep in the truck."

Lori shook her head and made a bold decision. "You don't have to. There's an apartment of sorts above the barn."

**********

Noel watched Lori walk back to the house from his window in the apartment. Her long legs stretched gracefully across the lawn and he couldn't help but admire the view. She was a rider – no wonder her body was so trim and fit. She was attractive, certainly. But there was more than that. Something about this just felt so right, his hair had constantly been standing up on his arms whenever they had gotten close to each other.

There was also something dark here, though, he cautioned himself. It hung around the whole property and resided in her eyes. He had especially noticed it when he'd asked if she lived alone. He would have to tread carefully. Fear and a broken heart were a powerful combination.

He took off his hat, set it gingerly on the battered steel table in the kitchen area of the loft, and looked around. Not a whole lot here, but ten times more than he'd been used to for the past few months, living in the truck.

In the kitchen there was a second-hand stove and a fridge that looked like it came out of someone's basement back in the 1970's, as well as a more modern microwave and toaster. The table was the dividing island between the kitchen and a living space made up of a brown tweed sofa and a coffee table with an enormous old television on top of it. Stuck discreetly in the corner next to the kitchen was a bathroom that had been roughed out, complete with toilet and shower stall; a door, framing and drywall provided the necessary privacy.

Noel debated whether or not to get groceries. He didn't know how long he'd be here and didn't want to appear presumptuous, but it might not hurt to get a loaf of bread and some jam, at least. He was fairly certain it would be a few days before the cougar would come back. The fear here would interfere and he might have to ask Lori to call off the police search. The more "normal" the place appeared the more comfortable the cat would be in returning and seeking help.

She had gone back into the house now. Noel turned from the window and went to the kitchen. He rummaged around in the drawers and found some cheap flatware, a couple of old mugs and a few plastic plates. There were also some pots and pans, mixing spoons, a spatula, and a couple of knives. All the necessities to do basic cooking. He even found some cleaning supplies and a bucket tucked under the sink. He was set, then. He pulled a pen and paper out of a knapsack he'd brought up to the loft with him and wrote down some ideas about groceries he had a craving for, but his thoughts kept returning to Lori.

The patch of grey hair was larger. He'd noticed. The significance of that had yet to be determined – if there were any significance at all. He tried to quell the expectation of what he thought it meant. Anticipating things wouldn't help. In fact it might hinder their relationship. But his heart still beat a little more rapidly at the thought of it and he set the pen down, taking a deep breath, concentrating on the exhale.

"Don't push, Noel," he corrected himself. "What will be, will be."

He chuckled and began whistling Que Sera, Sera as he finished the list.

**********

The sun was just rising as Lori reached the barn the following morning. The rays hit the pine boards, causing them to glow a warm red-orange-yellow. She belatedly remembered that she'd never gotten curtains for the window upstairs; she'd have to remember to do that so Noel wasn't blinded by daylight while he was here.

She slid the barn door back as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake him so early if she could help it. The horses gave her a soft whicker in greeting and she went to them on tiptoe, resting a hand on their heads as a hello. She cast a quick glance at the loft stairs on her way past, still creeping on the balls of her feet to the feed room. Bear was sitting at the top of the stairs in the shadows around the door. He stood and stretched nonchalantly, then made his way down for his own breakfast.

Lori moved quietly around the feed room kitchen, scooping the horses' beet pulp into buckets and setting it to soak then pouring some kibble into Bear's bowl and setting it near her feet. He came over immediately and began to eat; Lori watched him for a moment then knelt down and ran her fingers across his head. He flinched slightly and stepped back a pace, watching her. She extended her fingers and he came forward again to sniff her then allowed her another brief pat before resuming his feast.

Lori shook her head and stood to continue her preparations. She didn't know how Noel had done it, befriending that cat so quickly. He obviously had some talent with felines, though. It was that demonstration yesterday with Bear that had clinched her trust in Noel and prompted her to offer the loft as a place to stay. Shannon would freak, she thought with a grin as she picked up both canisters of vitamin supplements for Ebony and Piper and set them near the soaking beet pulp. And there was no way she'd be able to explain the feeling of comfort she had to Shannon. You either had trust or you didn't.

She pulled out a couple of flakes of hay for the horses and went back down the aisle of the dimly-lit barn. Both Ebony and Piper gave another subterranean greeting as she dropped a flake in each stall then they quickly settled to purposeful munching of their breakfast. Lori rested her elbows on Piper's half-door and leaned in to look at him. The sound of their eating was so peaceful she could stand there forever listening to it. She enjoyed this early-morning ritual and usually dedicated at least ten minutes to "commune" with the horses in this way before starting all the manual chores.

It was different this morning, though – there was no denying it. Her knowledge of the man upstairs was pervasive. Funny how another person's presence could cause such a hush to descend not just over the physical environment but also on her spirit. She felt a strange blend of utter calm and sheer excitement that seemed to be the "norm" when she was around Noel.

Lori had only dated a couple of other guys before she met Cody and he so filled her world when he entered it that she hadn't looked back after that point. She wouldn't exactly say she found Noel attractive, but she was definitely attracted to him. The distinction was subtle, but there. He had an energy that drew her in, but it also made her flustered and self-conscious.

He was good-looking, she supposed, but definitely not her "type." She preferred the glowing, sun-kissed looks of Cody, his baby face that had invited her to squeeze his cheeks and cuddle up against him. In contrast, Lori thought Noel was probably a good deal older than she, though she couldn't be certain. The thought of squeezing his cheeks was preposterous and keeping a distance seemed a much more prudent course with such an enigma. Besides which, Noel clearly had an unfettered, roaming lifestyle. Getting too attached to a guy like him would bring nothing but heartache to somebody who had commitments to the land.

Lori broke from her reverie and pushed away from Piper's door. It didn't matter what Noel's lifestyle was like, anyway, she reasoned. He was only here to do a job for her and then he'd be on his way again. No harm done to either of them and certainly no reason to get worked up when he was with her. You're just not used to being around single men, Lori chided herself with a rueful grin. You definitely need to get out more, girl.

**********

A small smile lit Noel's face as he heard the barn door slide open downstairs. He was sitting in his own version of the lotus position on the floor in the loft, his fingertips all touching as they met in front of his heart. She was awake, then, and trying to be quiet on his account. She wouldn't know that he had been awake for an hour already, greeting the morning with the meditation he used as a discipline and focus. Clarity was always his goal and "touching base" with a Higher Source was important to him. It was also necessary when a woman that spoke so directly to his soul was tiptoeing around directly below him. The smile blossomed over his face, until he was beaming with joy and he rolled out of the posture, got to his feet.

He chose a green tea with honey to start his day, along with a granola bar and banana. He lifted one of the kitchen chairs and carried it to the window. He respected the quiet Lori was trying to achieve downstairs and honoured it by being silent, too. He sat and looked out on the lawn, where the sun's early rays were casting long shadows from the house. There were a thousand birds nearby, singing their dawn chorus; Noel opened the window to hear them more clearly. This was a nice place to be, he thought. And a nice place To Be, as well. Once the fear was eradicated, it could even be Paradise.

He heard her running water, stirring buckets, dumping them into stalls as he finished his fruit and drained his cup of tea. He rinsed the mug in the sink, put on his hat and suede, fringed jacket, and took one final, calming breath. Then he went downstairs to greet her.

**********

"Good morning," she said as he peeked around the corner of the feed room and caught her eye.

"That it is," he answered with a subdued, kind voice, walking into the room. "How can I help?"

"Oh, you don't have to do anything, Noel. The horses are just about finished eating. I was going to ask you, though, if you thought I should put them back in the indoor arena or turn them out in the pasture? I wanted to do some work with Ebony this morning since she hasn't been touched by me in a long time and I would normally do that in the outdoor ring, but with the cougar nearby..."

"I think you should do what you normally do. If you'd prefer to be outside, then choose that. I'm here now – if the cat comes because of the horse, so much the better. We can take care of things once and for all and as I've told you, you're all safe."

Lori nodded thoughtfully.

"Alright. Then I'll turn Piper out in the outdoor ring and work with Ebony in the roundpen, which is inside the ring. That way, they're both close by and if the cougar shows up, I can always get them into the indoor arena quickly, too."

"Would you mind if I watched, Lori? I've always loved horses from a distance, but never really understood them. I guess I can relate to the predator way of thinking better than I could their prey."

Lori raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Yeah. Sure. I wouldn't mind the company."

Noel was smiling at her. "Why are you acting so surprised?"

Lori ducked her head and grinned, looking away. "I don't know – I just thought you'd be bored watching me. And you seem to have a way with animals – I'm just surprised you think you don't understand them."

"Well, I didn't say all animals. Just horses." He winked at her. "But I'm willing to learn."

"Okay. I'll tell you what," Lori said, suddenly inspired. "I teach people a bit about my training methods while I work, so I'll try to fill you in on some of the things I'm doing, if you want. And you can help – I'll have you lead Piper over while I lead Ebony."

"Sounds great," Noel said whole-heartedly.

Lori wasn't certain why Noel said he didn't understand horses. Both Piper and Ebony fell in love with him instantly. Noel's quiet and calm demeanour was a magnet as he stood near them in the barn aisle, letting them nuzzle his hair and sniff around his neck and back while Lori got Ebony's draft saddle out of the tack room. She smiled as he tenderly guided Ebony's questing lips away from his nose, discouraging her pushiness with a gentle hand.

The question came as she was cinching up the saddle, so she had a blessed moment or two to compose herself with her back turned to him.

"Lori, you said you haven't touched Ebony in a long time; why is that?" he asked out of pure curiosity.

She stiffened slightly and tugged on the cinch harder than was necessary, causing Ebony to shuffle in protest. Lori relaxed her hands and patted the big black in apology.

"Well, Ebony's not technically my horse. She was my husband's. He died this summer in a plane crash." She silently cursed herself for allowing her voice to crack on "died."

She ran a hand under the Percheron's belly, feeling for the flank cinch at the back of the saddle and ignoring the silence that was coming from behind her.

"Ah," Noel finally responded, as though some elemental question had just been answered.

Lori waited for the inevitable "I'm sorry" that was sure to follow, but it didn't come. She glanced over at him after sliding the strap through the buckle but he was admiring the mare's head and seemed finished with the subject. She didn't know whether to be relieved or upset by his lack of response.

"I'm – uh – going to go get her bridle, but we'll lead them over with their halters and lead ropes, okay?" She looked at him, disconcerted by his lack of curiosity regarding Cody's death. With most people, she had to force them to stop talking about it by changing the subject herself.

Noel straightened Piper's forelock, then ran his hand down her horse's nose. "No problem."

They walked in a companionable silence to the outdoor arena after Lori showed Noel the proper way to lead Piper – where to stand, how to hold the rope...all the basic actions that Lori took for granted every day. After they had turned the little bay loose in the arena, Lori invited Noel to stand at the roundpen rails and watch her do basic "join up" with Ebony.

Because it was old hat to her by now, she began with her explanation of predators versus prey and how horses think in relation to their world while Ebony jogged around the pen on her own, acclimating herself to this new environment. Lori told Noel about the horse's vision and how, unlike humans – and cats – horses saw out of both eyes separately and that neither side was associated with the other. Noel was fascinated by that; Lori could see the realization of the meaning of it wash over his face. It was literally a completely different way of looking at everything in your world when you realized horses couldn't focus the way humans did: horses saw things change shape and size depending on where the object was in their vision; horses saw better far away when their heads were low to the ground. He even exclaimed in surprise when she told him that horses had blind spots directly behind and in front of them so that when a dog moved from the left side of the horse to the right, the horse literally thought the "left dog" had disappeared and suddenly a "right dog" had emerged.

As Lori talked, Noel watched every move Ebony made in fascination. He asked questions about why the mare did the things she did, as he sought to understand her behaviours. Why was she pawing? That lowering of the head, then twisting it into the air as though she were flinging the hair out of her eyes...what did that mean? Was there a reason that she snorted when she did? Why wasn't she whinnying? Noel thought horses always whinnied from what he'd seen on TV.

Lori educated Noel on basic horse behaviours for awhile then explained what "roundpenning" was all about before stepping into the pen with her stick and string and getting down to business. As she began to work with the pushy, overweight mare in earnest, she forgot about Noel entirely, lost in reading the moves of the horse and dancing in that graceful ballet with a one-ton animal.

**********

It was like watching a choreographed dance, Noel decided. Lori was clearly brilliant at what she did. Her feel for what the horse was going to do next was amazing; whatever signals the mare was giving her, they were invisible to Noel. He wondered how Lori knew when to rush towards the big animal and when to back off and leave her be. She clearly had a sixth sense when it came to reading the moods and movements of horses.

He also knew that he had the same ability with predators – cats in particular. He found it amusing and ironic that he would be drawn to someone so like him and yet so different at the same time. Always the yin and yang came into effect. Everywhere he looked, he saw it in his life.

Piper had come up behind him where he leaned his arms against the roundpen rail, sniffing at the back of his hat and shoulders. In other days, he would have been frightened by such a large, unknown animal invading his space in such a way but he felt a gentleness around this horse that assured him the company was purely curiosity. He also trusted Lori's demonstrated abilities – she wouldn't have put him in harm's way by turning a horse loose in the same arena with him that would attack. Instead, he said a few quiet things in his native language to acknowledge the horse's presence without frightening it and kept his eyes riveted on Lori.

Even with the old cowboy hat on – and the long-sleeved tee and torn jeans – she was still beautiful to him. He noticed today that her nose turned up slightly at the tip and that she had a small mole on her left jaw line, close up by her ear. All the little distinctions that made her unique were starting to reveal themselves to him and Noel delighted in discovering each one. He observed deeply, in joy.

The powerful black mare trotted past him, along the fence, blocking his vision for a moment. He could literally feel the earth tremble with the thud of her large feet. His hand ached to reach out and touch the curve of the horse's shoulder, the arc of the neck muscle but the mare had already thundered past and Lori came into view again in the center of the circle. She stepped forward, in front of the mare's "drive line," as Lori had explained earlier to Noel, and drew the mare towards her by backing up quickly and beckoning her with a finger.

Ebony turned in, off the circle, and trotted eagerly up to Lori, huffing a bit from the exercise. Lori turned away from her, faced Noel and winked at him. He smiled back instinctively.

"She sure needs to lose some weight – listen to her wheeze," she said with a chuckle.

Ebony tucked her head into Lori, where arm and back provided the perfect hiding spot and Lori leaned back against the mare in recognition for a second before walking away.

"You want to lure them into following you," she told Noel. "The more you walk away from them or keep them from having something, the more they want it."

"Reverse psychology," he offered.

"Yes," she affirmed. "They can't stand to be left out. Once they get over their fear, anyway."

I'll remember that, Noel thought to himself as Lori walked over to him, followed by the Percheron.

"I think that's a good start – I'll probably just desensitize her for a bit now to the stirrups flapping around her and then we can turn her loose with Piper."

"You're not going to ride?" Noel asked, cocking his head to the side.

"No, not today. She needed some groundwork first."

"But you saddled her up," Noel pointed out.

"The saddle is just part of the process," Lori explained. "Ebony should get used to that happening every day, whether I ride her or not. If it's just part of the daily routine, then she won't resent it or anticipate that I'm going to ride her every time I put it on. Some horses get funny about that – if it means hard work and you follow the same routine every day, they start to resent the routine."

"That makes sense."

He was struck by Lori's patience as she continued flapping the stirrups in a steady rhythm against the mare's sides until the prancing Percheron stopped and relaxed. It took several minutes on the "off" side – the one most people didn't stand on when working around a horse. Lori had explained to him that because horses saw out of both eyes separately, you had to do every exercise on both sides or one side could get dull and lazy and the other could be a highly reactive, almost "wild" horse.

When the mare finally took a deep breath and cocked a leg on her right side, Lori dropped the stirrup, rubbed Ebony's neck, and looked over to Noel.

"Do you see how nervous she is with the stirrup flapping around her and making noise?"

Noel nodded.

"That's why I didn't ride her yet – can you imagine if that had been my leg flapping against her side? She would have tried everything in her power to get the scary thing off her back, namely me."

Noel grinned at her. "Somehow, I think you might have lost that battle."

Lori laughed in agreement. "Somehow, I think so, too. I'm a pretty good rider, but 1800 pounds of horse can be pretty persuasive."

Lori joined Noel on the outside of the roundpen when she was finished and took off Ebony's saddle and halter so she could play with Piper. The two horses did a quick sprint to the end of the arena and back as the vulnerable humans scooted out from under the rail then Ebony stopped abruptly and began nosing around the sand.

Noel gestured with his chin at the horse. "What do you think she smells?" he asked.

Lori glanced over at Ebony and shook her head slightly. "She's just checking out the spot where she's going to roll."

Noel watched, bemused, as a few moments later Ebony did, in fact, kneel down and begin rolling her large body around, grunting in contentment as she did so.

"How did you know she was going to do that?" he demanded.

Lori shrugged with a pleased expression on her face. "Experience. Saddles are sweaty, sand is scratchy...one plus one equals two." She turned away from the horses and began to walk to the back porch.

"Would you like a drink, Noel? I could do with a pop myself."

He turned from watching the massive black horse, now heaving herself up to a sitting position, and followed Lori to the back porch.

"That would be great, thanks. But do you have any juice? I'm not a big fan of so much sugar, caffeine and carbonation."

"Em, yeah. I think I've got some cranberry juice yet?"

"That would be great."

He waited on the steps of the back porch until she returned with the beverages, then sat down next to her in one of the Muskoka chairs that were arranged by the barbeque.

"So if horses are such conscious prey animals, I would think they don't feel comfortable rolling like that. It's a pretty vulnerable position to be in for them, isn't it?"

Lori took a sip of her cola and nodded. "Definitely. If you noticed, Piper was standing guard while she did it. Unless a horse is sick, they won't roll until they're absolutely certain it's safe."

"How do you know if a horse is rolling because they're sick or if it just feels good?" Noel asked before taking a drink of the juice. It was tart and cold and felt good going down his dusty throat.

"Horses will usually only roll if it feels good in a few different situations. Sand is a definite allurement – so is snow and for some horses, water. And if it's a hot day or they're sweaty from exercise, they love to roll. But most horses will roll at least once a day – they've done studies to show that it actually helps them realign their spines. It's almost like they're giving themselves a chiropractic adjustment."

"Really," Noel said in astonishment. "Maybe I should join them then."

Lori gave him a wistful smile. "My husband – Cody – used to do that," she said softly. "He would play around with them and then when one of them would stop and roll he would move to a safe distance and do it along with them. It always made me laugh."

He watched her quietly to see how she was handling that memory; she seemed to tear up a bit but wasn't in a state of hysteria. He leaned forward – no mean feat in a Muskoka chair – and gave her the comfort of his presence.

"Did he have the same gift with horses that you do?" he asked when she had swallowed down the tears.

"His was more the ability to see horse talent and match it to someone's experience level," she answered then tentatively added, "You think I have a gift?"

"Of course you do," he stated. "And you know it, deep down. You just haven't embraced it fully yet."

"Embraced it?" she asked, then drank again.

"You haven't owned it. Called it your own." He brushed some dust off his jeans then looked up at her. "Can you say you're good at it yet?"

She looked at him sceptically then shook her head. "No."

Noel looked at her in challenge. "Why not?"

Lori pulled her shoulders up closer to her ears in defence. "I don't know. It sounds arrogant."

Noel grunted softly. "Do you believe in God, Lori?"

"Yes, of course."

"Do you think that God gave you your ability with horses?"

Lori looked over towards the horses, deep in thought. "I guess so. I mean, I was born with an innate interest in them. But my parents helped develop that interest...and Cody and Shannon and other riding instructors have helped, too."

"Do you think God might have put those people in your life for a reason?"

She turned back to look at him, mulling the question over. "I guess He did."

"So if God put the desire in you and then gave you the means of developing that desire, is it really so arrogant to say you're now good at it? Don't you think you should be after all that guidance?"

A smile twitched around the corner of her mouth. "I guess so."

Noel laughed and shook his head. "You guess a lot of things."

In complete shock to Noel, Lori stuck her tongue out at him. The gesture went through him like a bolt of joy. He grinned; sure she would be able to see the light flooding out of him if he wasn't careful.

"Don't pick on me," she said light-heartedly. "You're making me think more than I've done in months."

Noel reached over and touched his glass to hers. "Welcome aboard," he said.
Chapter 10

Lori was on the phone with Rita Dennymede when Noel appeared at the back door. She waved to him and gestured she was on the phone, encouraging him to come in on his own. He entered, looking around him in fascination as he pulled off his boots.

"So listen, Lori," Rita was reiterating for the hundredth time during the call, "have your parents' lawyer look everything over and decide this week, okay? If you're going to be a part of the class-action lawsuit, you'll have to fill out some forms and get them back to me."

Lori cradled the phone against her ear and mimed to Noel lifting up a coffee cup. Did he want some of that or tea? He waved her off and gestured she should finish her conversation.

"I will, Rita. Honestly," she assured the older woman. "I'm not saying I couldn't use the money, but it just seems so excessive..."

"Lori, you have to ask for double what you want or you won't even get a quarter of what you need. That's how it works – don't learn that after it's too late."

"Okay. Alright. My dad definitely likes what your lawyers have put together – he wants me to file under your suit so send over the paperwork and we'll get it filled out."

"Good girl. Thank you."

Lori turned away from Noel and lowered her voice slightly. "Now, how are you, Rita? Really?"

There was an awkward silence from the other end of the phone and Lori strained to hear what she couldn't see. "I'm fine," a shaky voice asserted. "It's getting easier every day."

"Okay," Lori said, feeling somewhat deflated by Rita's refusal to acknowledge any emotion. "You take care of yourself, Rita, alright? And call me anytime you need."

"I will, darling," Rita confirmed before hanging up.

Lori disconnected then turned back to Noel. She figured she shouldn't have been surprised to see that both the kittens were lying at his feet, stretched out and getting belly rubs from a crouching Noel. "Sorry about that," she said.

Noel waved her off. "No need to apologize – I'm sorry if you had to cut your conversation short."

"I didn't. Or rather, I was willing to talk longer, but Rita wasn't. She's a widow, too – her husband was travelling with Cody when their plane went down."

Noel looked up from his spot on the floor, Luke still wrapped around his forearm in mock attack. "'Widow,' hm? That's a pretty heavy word."

Lori's brows drew down in consternation. "Well, that's what we are. Would you rather we be called something else?"

Noel extricated himself from the kitten and stood up. "It's just difficult to match a word like that with someone in their 20's." He shrugged. "Like I said, it's a heavy word. There's a lot of loss associated with it."

Lori nodded, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "There is a lot of loss associated with it. I know."

Noel looked down and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the defensive. I'm not criticizing you. I can't even begin to comprehend what you went through this summer – or what you're still going through. You don't seem pleased about something she said, though. There's a lawsuit pending?"

Lori eyed him cautiously. "There is." She walked to the kitchen and grabbed the kettle. "Are you sure you don't want some tea? Or coffee? I was going to make myself a cup of Earl Grey. I have red rooibos and mint, though, too."

Noel followed her and leaned up against the counter. "Oh, I'll take a rooibos, please."

Lori regarded him from the other side of the counter as she filled the kettle with water. He had showered recently; his uncovered black hair was shiny, with streaks of a healthy blue visible in the waves that fell almost to his shoulders. He'd tidied up his beard, as well – his cheeks were shaved clean and the Vandyke was neatly trimmed. She also noticed he was sporting a beautiful sterling silver ring on the third finger of his right hand, done in the geometric patterns so beloved by the native Canadians in the area.

"I hope you don't mind me asking," he started in a conciliatory tone, "but you don't seem too happy about the lawsuit. Is something wrong?"

Lori turned off the water and set the kettle to boil. "Not wrong, no. The airline was clearly at fault – there were some major mistakes made during inspections and they actually let the plane fly, knowing the auto pilot wasn't working properly. It's just...well, Rita is the head of this class-action lawsuit and she's angry. She wants revenge. And she's asking for a lot of money. A lot."

Noel rested one arm on the counter, lifting his hand up to his chin to rest it there. His ring shone in the sunlight coming in from the dining room window. "So you would get part of this money?"

Lori nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I can choose not to take part in the class-action suit and settle with the airline privately. But my parents – my dad, in particular – think it makes just as much sense to join with Rita. And then, too, Rita's not going to back down, so if I do choose to settle individually, the airline will have even more money to pay out. But all I want is enough to keep this place – I'm not looking for millions."

Lori dropped the tea bags in the mugs and placed the sugar and creamer containers between them.

"Millions, hm?" Noel asked.

Lori nodded.

"Do you ever get the feeling, Noel, that things are happening around you that you have no control over?" She had asked it lightly but he was serious when he answered.

"I used to. All the time."

"So what changed?"

"A few things. I started listening to that little voice inside that told me when I was on the right track. And then I stayed on that track to the best of my ability. And when circumstances bumped me off the track, I got back on it as soon as I could. Pretty soon, I didn't get bumped off anymore. But it took discipline. And consciously thinking about it, being aware of what was happening."

Lori looked at him dubiously. "That sounds complicated."

Noel lowered his hand and placed the other on the table alongside it. "Not really. It was just a matter of deciding what I wanted and then staying focused on it."

Lori turned away to grab the kettle then brought it back to fill the two cups. The sound of the liquid purling in the mugs was loud in the room.

"But what about something like this? I mean, having my husband killed in a plane crash is a pretty big bump off the track, wouldn't you say?"

Noel looked at her intently and she felt her heart rate increase at the flame in his black eyes.

"It can be a big bump, Lori. It's all a question of degree and what you're going to call a thing."

Lori stirred her tea, leaning against the counter with her right hip as she did so. "Are you saying it was a small thing?"

He shook his head, then looked down as he swirled his cup slightly, encouraging the tea to steep. "No. I'm not calling it anything. It didn't happen to me. People can be tremendously resilient in such circumstances. They can also have an immensely difficult time with it. Let me ask you this," he said then took a quick gulp of tea. "On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest amount of grief one can experience, where would you say Rita is?"

Lori cocked her head, thinking. "Grief? I don't know...I'd say she's more in anger."

"It's one and the same," Noel replied. "How much intensity of emotion is she feeling?"

"Oh. Probably an 8. Or a 9."

Noel nodded reflectively. "And you?"

"Earlier, probably a 10. Now...I don't know. Maybe a 6. Is that wrong?"

Noel pulled back in surprise. "Wrong? Why would the intensity of emotion be right or wrong?"

"I don't know. It sounds as though I didn't love Cody as much if I don't feel his loss as intensely."

"Loving and missing someone are two entirely different things, and without getting into the whole concept of empowerment versus enabling, trust me when I say to you that the level of your emotion is neither right nor wrong. It just is."

Lori dipped her head to her cup, taking a deep breath of bergamot oil and steadying herself.

"All I'm trying to show you," Noel resumed, "is that two people – like you and Rita – can both love your husbands passionately, and yet when tragedy strikes, you have the choice as to how deeply you're going to let it affect you. It doesn't mean you loved Cody less – it just means you chose to get back on the track faster than Rita. Who knows? Maybe this is her track now, revenge. Yours is something else. Do you know what it is? What's your passion?"

Lori took a deep swallow, letting the hot liquid flood her throat.

"Training horses on this farm. It's what I love."

Noel nodded. "So the more you keep that vision in your sights, the less you'll be bumped off the track and the easier it will be to find your way back to it."

Lori pursed her lips, thinking. Then she gave Noel a devilish look. "So what's your track? Besides hunting down cats?"

"I'm here to serve," he said quietly, looking up at her with that intensity in his gaze again.

"That's a pretty general statement, isn't it? Could you be more specific?"

He flashed her a grin. "I try to avoid specifics. I don't like to be pigeon-holed into helping in one way. I wait for the person to tell me what they need."

Lori uttered a nervous laugh. "You're really unusual, you know that?"

He continued to look up at her, the light playing in his eyes. "I do."

**********

Noel had gone to the house that morning with the intent to ask Lori if she wanted to go into town with him. He wanted to pick up a few things for the loft and thought he should get her input on what colours she would prefer for the curtains, since they would be staying there when he left.

Instead, after their revealing conversation, Lori had invited him to watch as she rode Piper in the outdoor arena. She wanted to show him what training could do for a horse...she also wanted the added protection in case there were any unwanted visitors around in the form of horse-killing cats. He had agreed and so, on their third day of acquaintance, Noel had found himself again standing with arms propped up on a fence rail, again watching a beautiful woman move in tandem with a horse.

Lori was dressed in jeans, black half-chaps, black riding boots, a black turtleneck and a slim-fitting blue jean vest today. She had a riding helmet on instead of her cowboy hat and had joked with him that this was as close to English garb as she could afford. He had noticed with an irrational pang that she had coloured the grey patch in her hair black. He knew better than to say anything about it but her attempt to disguise it bothered him greatly. He shrugged it off mentally, trying to enjoy the demonstration.

And enjoying it wasn't difficult. Piper floated across the ground and Lori seemed to hover even above him as she rode bareback. No wonder his ancestors had thought this some mythical half-man beast when the first invaders came from Spain. Piper and Lori moved as one unit across the arena and back again, nothing more than a subtle shift of weight or movement of leg causing the horse to change direction, speed up or stop. To have that connection with another living creature, where every thought, every glance, every pressure point created action...that was true harmony to Noel. He craved it for himself. He longed to be a part of their union but could merely stand by and applaud.

Lori brought Piper to a stop in front of him and he looked up at her with adoration. "That was marvellous," he said.

"Thanks," she answered with a beaming smile on her face. She leaned over and gave Piper a hug around the neck then rubbed him on both sides from her precarious position. "He's my awesome man."

He watched her throw a leg over and slide off the bay then remove his bridle and let him trot back over to where Ebony was in the roundpen. She took off her helmet and Noel consciously looked away from the dyed hair.

"How often do you guys practice?" he asked.

"I try to ride him every day," she answered. "But sometimes it's just for fun – we're not out to learn anything. Before the cougar came, I would ride him around the property every evening and check fences. I miss that. But I guess that would have come to an end soon anyway, now that the days are getting shorter."

Lori smoothed down the loose strands of hair that were standing around her head and tucked her helmet under her arm. "Do you want to help me catch these two and take them back to the barn? If we're going to get into town yet today, I want to make sure they're back in their stalls while we're away."

Lori showed him how to look at Ebony's hip, leaning over as a cue for the horse to swing towards him. The Percheron did – almost like magic – and came trotting over to Noel. He rubbed on her head as a thank you and then Lori showed him how to put a rope halter on.

When they returned to the barn, Lori assured Noel she could take care of the grooming and feeding of hay on her own. Instead, she chased him back up to his room in order to get measurements on the window. He had been up there only a few minutes when he heard her scream from below him.

He flew down the stairs, heart pounding in anticipation of what he might find, and wheeled around the corner to see Lori standing transfixed in front of a large, tawny mountain lion who was standing on the threshold of the barn door.

"Get away!" Lori screamed in pure panic. Noel quietly, cautiously walked up beside her, his eyes never leaving the cougar in the doorway.

"Lori, shhh," Noel breathed softly next to her. He reached out and laid a gentle, calming hand on her arm. He could feel her trembling powerfully through her sleeve.

"Noel, do something!" she pleaded, her voice strained with anxiety.

"I will, Love, I will." He inched in front of her and the cat's attention swivelled to him. He took a deep breath and released it, reaching back to push Lori away. She was giving off a tremendous amount of fear and panic; he could feel it – almost smell it – from behind him.

"Lori, just take a couple of slow steps back and please try to stay quiet, okay?"

She whimpered and let out a shaky breath. "Oh God, Noel. Please be careful."

"Shhh," he soothed.

The mountain lion wasn't paying any attention to Lori at this point, which Noel took as a good sign. Still, he would have preferred if this meeting hadn't taken place in the barn, with two frightened horses getting a whiff of the cat and a woman who was in near hysterics behind him.

Noel took a few steps closer to the cougar, his hand held out to the side of his body, fingers splayed. "Namasté, brother," he said softly and the cat narrowed its eyes, studying him.

Noel knelt down when he felt he'd entered the correct range and heard Lori muffle a sob behind him. He closed his eyes briefly and prayed for guidance. Everything will be alright, he breathed. To everyone there.

**********

Lori thought she was going to lose her mind with fear. Her heart was flopping around in her chest like a fish tossed on a creek bank and she was certain she was going to vomit soon. She couldn't believe Noel had actually knelt down by the thing, but there he was, just feet away from the cougar, with no protection whatsoever at hand.

She looked around frantically herself for a weapon of some sort and seized on a shovel standing in the aisle way. She slid over to it and grabbed it gratefully then took a step closer to Noel to defend him.

When the cat saw her coming, it hissed viciously and crouched, getting ready to strike. Noel gave a quick glance back at her, his eyes widening when he saw what she had in her hands.

He lowered his head and took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, visibly calming himself.

"Lori, put the shovel down," he said firmly.

"What? Are you crazy?" she demanded.

"Lori," Noel said through clenched teeth. "Please trust me on this. Put the shovel down. He will attack if you keep threatening him."

Lori slowly lowered the shovel to the floor, but kept it at her feet as security. Noel turned back to study the mountain lion and Lori cocked her head when she heard him begin speaking.

She leaned forward, straining to hear, but it wasn't a language she recognized. It was soft and breathy, full of accents of sound and sliding syllables. It was beautiful, hypnotic, calming. Noel continued to kneel there on the barn floor, the cougar standing taller than he, and spoke to the amber-eyed creature. Noel had both arms bent at the elbows, his hands out, fingers splayed and Lori felt a start of recognition with the posture her minister took when delivering the benediction. He continued to mumble while watching the animal and she saw from over Noel's shoulder that the cat was relaxing ever so slightly.

Noel paused then and lowered his head just a fraction, tilting it as though he were waiting for a secret to be whispered back from the cat. Lori watched in fascination as Noel closed his eyes and nodded, as though gaining an answer and then to her amazement he smiled and nodded again in a more pronounced way.

Noel rolled forward from the balls of his feet until his knees were touching the concrete floor and he made a graceful, ancient gesture with his right hand. The cat stared intently at him for another moment, then turned and padded away. "Go in peace, brother," Noel called after him.

Lori stumbled blindly past Noel, her legs shaking so badly she could hardly walk, and she pulled at the sliding barn door with numb hands. She could hear herself sobbing as she yanked on the wood, her hands slipping now and then as she tugged at it. Finally, it came gliding across and then Noel was there behind her, placing his hands lightly on her shoulders in reassurance.

The touch was startling when she had been isolated for so long and she gulped a great draught of air, trying to steady her nerves. She realized with alarm the sobbing was growing even louder and she was close to hyperventilating. Lori turned blindly towards Noel, seeking to steady herself and then he was gathering her into his arms and she was clinging to him as though every bone in her body had been removed.

He held her for a long time, murmuring things again in that strange, melodic language, while she drew ragged breaths and heaved them back out with tears. His arms were comfortingly strong and his body was warm as she teetered on the brink of shock. One of his hands was stroking her back while the other massaged the nape of her neck and she was conscious of his deliberate, steady breathing.

Slowly – slowly – she gained control of herself again, but burrowed in against the crook of his neck and shoulder as exhaustion swept over her. She wanted to lie against him, a dead weight, surrendering any strength she had left, but instead she cleared her throat and pulled back slightly, taking on the burden of her own body again.

He released her slowly, letting her go but ready to catch her again if she should fall. His eyes were brimming with concern for her as they pulled away from each other and he squeezed her neck lightly one more time in farewell.

"You alright?" he asked hoarsely.

She nodded and ran a hand across her running nose. "Yeah, I guess. What are we going to do, Noel? What are we going to do?"

Noel firmed his lips and shook his head minutely. "It's over, Lori. You won't see him again."

Lori pushed the hair out of her eyes and stared at Noel through her drying tears. "What? How can you be sure?"

Noel gave her a helpless kind of smile. "I can't go into it right now, but I promise you – the cat won't be back. I'll explain later, but we both need to calm down first, okay?"

He lifted an arm, inviting her to come back under its protection; as she did so, he steered her away from the barn door and towards the loft stairs. "Let's go have a tea, shall we? I think we both need one."

**********

Lori sank into the beaten-up old chair next to the beaten-up old table and took a deep breath. Noel was in the so-called kitchen, setting water to boil and preparing cups. Her hands were still shaking and the corners of her vision were still fuzzy from the overdose of adrenaline, so she rested her elbows on the table and concentrated on her breathing.

That was too close, she thought. She never expected to see the cougar in the actual barn. It could have killed both of them...so easily. She wanted to jump up and run away; at the same time, she wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep for a week.

Noel was soon finished and brought the steaming cup over to the table, set it down under her nose and sat down next to her.

"How are you?" he asked with care.

"Alright, I guess," she said haltingly. "Just in shock."

"Mmm," he answered, in what she took to be agreement.

Lori looked up at him and picked up the cup, inhaling the green tea vapour with appreciation. "What do you do now? Do you have a live trap for something like that or do you shoot it with a tranquilizer?"

Noel ran a thumb and finger along the line of his beard, eyes steady on her. "Neither," he finally responded. "I've told you – he's not coming back."

"Look, Noel," Lori said with a trace of exasperation. "You keep saying things like that, and forgive me for saying so...but I need more than just your conviction that this thing isn't going to return. I want some type of assurance. I want to see it hauled away in a cage and given to a zoo or something."

Noel grimaced and shook his head. "No," he contradicted her, definitively. "You don't." He set down his cup and stood, clearly agitated by the thought. He began to pace, reminding Lori of a wild cat himself, penned up in a zoo.

"Listen, Lori. There are things at work here that I can't really explain. I wish I could...but I can't interfere. You have to draw your own conclusions."

She looked at him, baffled, and he glanced at her with frustration as he continued to pace. "I know you think I'm crazy, but that cougar came as a visitor – as a symbol. He was here to tell you something...and to tell me something."

Noel gave her another beseeching look and she shook her head in confusion. "What do you mean, 'tell me something'? He can't talk to me."

Noel made a growling noise of irritation and sat down abruptly across from her again, grabbing one of her wrists to convey his urgency.

"Think of it this way," he started. "Do you remember how I said when you were training Ebony yesterday that it didn't look as though you were doing anything out of the ordinary and yet the horse was responding? To the casual observer it looked like she was reading your thoughts and vice versa."

Lori stared into Noel's brown-black eyes and nodded slowly. "Yes, I remember. And I told you that we were communicating – through a variety of different ways. Body language, looks...that kind of thing."

He nodded and relief washed over his face. "Yes. Yes – exactly like that. Well, I have that ability with cats. You see?"

"Yes, okay." Lori gently extricated herself from his grasp. "And you think this cougar told you something?"

"Not think – I know he did. He was confirming something for me that I had suspected all along. But I can't tell you more than that. It's not my place to say. But do you see? That's why he came. To convey the message. Now that he's done that, he won't be back."

Lori gave Noel a very dubious look. "I'm sorry, Noel, but that seems pretty far-fetched."

He looked crestfallen and Lori almost felt sorry for saying it. "I know it does," he conceded. "I know. But that's all there is to it. The only way I can prove it to you is over time...when you don't seem him return."

He leaned back and sighed explosively. "I'll stay around if you want – for a few more days, anyway – but it's not necessary."

Lori looked down at the tabletop, doing quick calculations in her mind. "How much is this all going to cost me?" she asked. "I'll have to take that into consideration."

Noel shook his head. "I'm not charging you – I didn't do anything. If you just let me stay here in the loft, we'll call it paid in full."

Lori squinted at him. She was having a hard time determining what was going on here; Noel seemed to be talking far above her head. Besides which, she couldn't figure out his motive. If he was in this for extra money, why wasn't he charging her something?

She pushed her face into her hands, rubbing her temples and the sinus cavities under her eyes. "Okay," she finally acquiesced. "Okay. I want you to stay a few more days. And I want you to be ready next time in case it does come back."

Noel had regained his composure and the hint of a smile played around his lips. "I'll put a trap out if you want me to, but I promise you...he's not coming back."

Lori clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes. "We're talking in circles here."

"Yes, we are. But I don't know what you want me to do about it. I've given you my assurance. Now we just wait and see."

"I suppose so," she replied, a bit more tartly than she intended. She softened her voice and gave Noel another questioning look. "You can't tell me any more about this message?"

Noel hesitated and then jerked his head in the negative. "I can't. It's something you'll figure out on your own in the days to come and when you do understand it, give me a call and we'll talk. But for right now, all I can say is that first, there are messages all around you these days, you're just not hearing them. And second, it's not a coincidence that mountain lion appeared in your life when he did. Think about those things – really think about them – and you'll understand."

Chapter 11

As he had predicted, they saw no more of the mountain lion in the next week. Noel continued to wait for signs that Lori had come to a deeper understanding, but aside from her seeking him out to ask about his point of view on where the "messages" he'd mentioned might be, she gave no other indication of realizing what he had been trying to convey.

He had seen the frustration building in her eyes and his advice not to force the issue only made her chomp at the bit more.

"I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack," she expressed in annoyance one day when they were discussing signs, omens and symbolism.

"You're trying too hard," Noel cautioned. "The more you try to force the messages to come, the greater your difficulty in seeing them. You're trying to push the trees aside so you can see the forest."

Lori sighed explosively. "Then what do I do?"

Noel smiled in sympathy. "Just relax. It will come when it's supposed to. I know that's frustrating when you want the answer. I used to hate that when people said it to me. But until you stop trying to direct it and instead just let it flow around you, it will continue to elude you."

He debated on the next offering of advice, but said it, anyway. "Meditation might help."

She gave him a distinctly sceptical look. "Meditation? You mean like sitting on the floor saying 'ohm?' What religion are you, anyway, Noel?"

Noel paused and studied her carefully. "Lori, do you think that only one religion has moments during the day where one is wise to silence the outside world and reflect on how you're living? Doesn't Christianity suggest setting aside time for prayer?"

"Well, yes...but –"

He cut her off. "It's all the same. Remove some of the distractions from your life – even for a few minutes a day – and you'll be amazed at what comes through to you." He nudged her cowboy boot with his own. "And in regards to my religion, I try to embrace the common threads of all that speak to my heart. There is value in all ideas that bring somebody closer to the Great Creator."

Lori smiled. "Great Creator? Now that sounds distinctly native."

Noel shrugged. "They understand that aspect of Divinity well." He paused and gave her an amused look. "Do you think it's 'quaint'?"

Lori shook her head hastily. "No, no – I actually like it a lot. I never really cared for this male God that so many religions today are outgrowing. But I still have a hard time thinking of God as Goddess, too. I like Great Creator – it's gender neutral."

Noel nodded with a smile. "You're catching on, Grasshopper."

**********

Rather impulsively, Lori decided to throw a barbeque at her home on the Saturday afternoon before Noel was to leave on Monday. The weather was still holding for late September, but she knew any day now autumn was going to set in with a vengeance and she wanted to enjoy the milder temperatures while she still could. Besides which, she wanted to thank Noel for his help, see all of her family and friends again...and if truth be told, she wanted to oblige Shannon, who was itching to get a look at him.

She had been blessed with her choice of day – the air was slightly damp from the rain they'd had earlier in the week, but that only leant a fragrance to the atmosphere that brought back memories of spring; hearing the distinctive scratchy call of the starlings who were gathering before migration further reinforced the idea. There was just the hint of a breeze, so Lori opted to go with bright blue tablecloths on the picnic tables, using clamps to hold them in place on the corners.

She mentally ran through the list of guests – Shannon and Mark, her mom and dad, Rick Meyer, Rita Dennymede. She had also managed to persuade Anne and Jesse to come with the kids, but not Cody's mother. That left Noel and herself and two guests that Noel had asked if he could bring. Lori was particularly interested to meet acquaintances of Noel's – she had completely convinced herself that he was a lone wolf; she wanted to know what type of person he called a friend. All in all, that was fifteen people – she would have to bring out a few more lawn chairs and TV tables to make room for everyone.

Lori first boiled the potatoes for the potato salad she was going to put together, then lit the barbeque and returned to the kitchen to start her assembling. She also planned to do up a Chinese version of coleslaw and her infamous devilled eggs, plus combine the ingredients of a punch recipe she'd found online. Her parents had graciously offered to bring all the meat – hot dogs, Oktoberfest sausage and ground beef for hamburgers and Sloppy Joe's were already in transit, according to her mom's latest phone call – and Rick and Rita said they would take care of the alcoholic beverages on their end.

Jesse and Anne were bringing the snack foods, primarily because their kids wouldn't eat certain kinds, and Shannon and Mark had assured her they had dessert covered. Noel had offered to bring all the buns, plus a lettuce salad and some vegetarian options for the grill. Lori wasn't quite sure how that was going to go over with her meat-loving friends and family, but she had welcomed his gesture nonetheless.

Her parents arrived as she was putting the potato salad in the fridge, followed closely by Shannon and Mark. The women immediately set to work in the kitchen, helping Lori peel eggs, wash dishes, and generally make the time pass by chatting about what had been going on in their lives. The men had started cleaning up the lawn furniture and filling the ice chests with ice, just in time for Rita and Rick's arrival with the beer and vodka coolers.

When Jesse and his family arrived, the decibel level went up a few notches – especially when the kids found a used croquet set Lori and Cody had bought at a garage sale. Soon little wire hoops were decorating the lawn between the house and barn; and adults, with a mallet in one hand and a bottle in the other, were showing the kids how to play the game.

At one point, Lori found herself alone in the kitchen as the women made trips to and from the house with food, condiments, paper plates, and napkins. She paused at the back door, listening to the cacophony of laughter and conversation from the adults, the shrieks and giggling from the kids, and let it wash over her. An alarming and powerful sense of melancholy shot through her as the silence of the house was juxtaposed with the din from outside.

"God, Cody...I miss you," she whispered and felt the tears well up in her eyes. The house had been lonely, she realized. Hauntingly lonely.

It was then that Noel walked through the front door, his arms full of bun packages and boxes of soy burgers. He had seen Lori brushing the tears from her eyes as she turned away from the back door and he paused, silhouetted in the doorway.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She nodded and pushed away from the wall. "Just having a moment," she replied with a smile that kept sliding off her face. "I'll be alright."

She sniffed and walked towards him, arms out to help him take some of his load. "Thanks so much for bringing all this, Noel. You didn't have to, you know – this was supposed to be a thank you for all you've done this past week."

"I wanted to," he asserted. "Besides, Lynta and Jeret have some special dietary restrictions and I didn't want you to feel awkward about that."

Lori looked past him, towards the driveway and saw his friends getting out of the car. "Is that them? What did you say their names were? Lynta and Jeret?"

Noel set his load down on the counter and came back to where Lori was standing by the front door. "Yes – that's them."

Lori was immediately struck by Lynta's beauty. She was the most exotic, extraordinary woman she had ever seen. Standing well over 6' tall and with skin so black it shimmered blue in the September sunshine, Lynta unfolded herself from a little Toyota Prius hybrid and adjusted an eye-catching maroon silk robe and vibrant yellow scarf that was wrapped around her head. She had an open, welcoming face with wide cheekbones, nose and mouth; her lips were painted with a deep maroon gloss that accentuated a smile that gathered people in; and her slightly-slanted eyes held a light that caused the deep warm brown of them to glow.

"Wow," Lori breathed, forgetting for a moment Noel was there.

He chuckled behind her and she snapped out of it. "Rather noticeable, isn't she?" he asked, coming up behind her.

"I'll say. I'll take it she's not from around here?"

"Well, she lives in Toronto now, but she grew up in Senegal."

"Wow," Lori said again.

"And that's Jeret, standing in her shadow back there – literally."

Lori looked behind Lynta and saw a handsome man in his own right, but this was more of the boy-next-door variety of good looks. With spiky strawberry blonde hair, fair skin and blue eyes, Jeret's Celtic heritage was easy to recognize. His arms were decorated in a variety of knotwork tattoos and studded piercings highlighted eyebrows and the entire arc of his small ears. While Lori had gone to school with many kids who looked like him, she wasn't quite certain what the ultra-conservative group of people at the barbeque were going to make of all this. Leave it to Noel to have an eclectic mix of acquaintances.

Noel moved past her and opened the front door, calling to them and welcoming them inside. Lori shook hands with both and felt herself instantly liking the pair. Jeret had a deep bass voice and a wicked sense of humour; Lynta was shy and gentle, her voice low-pitched and kind. Luke and Leia immediately swarmed the quartet as they stood and talked, both kittens smelling Lynta's garment with fascination and pawing at Jeret to be picked up.

"Sorry," Lori apologized, trying to make a grab at Luke. "He can be such a nuisance at times."

Jeret shot a secretive smile at Noel and grabbed the grey tabby himself. He picked the cat up and stroked it roughly around the chin, sending Luke into paroxysms of delight. "He's not a nuisance, are you, buddy? You just need some attention."

Leia had made her way under Lynta's skirt and Lori saw nothing but a tip of tail and both front paws sticking out from the hem to indicate she was there. Lynta didn't seem to mind and was laughing at Jeret and Luke's rough-housing so Lori kept silent. Noel was asking Jeret about his new car and she remained on the outskirts of the conversation while the three of them caught up with each other's news. Lynta eventually walked over to where Lori had begun preparing food in the kitchen, and struck up a conversation.

"This is a beautiful house, Lori," she started timidly, her exotic accent heavy in her voice. "I've never been in a log home before."

"Oh, thanks," Lori responded, chopping the cabbage for her coleslaw. "I'm out with the horses so much I don't really pay attention to it like I should, I suppose. But it's a nice enough place to sleep in at night."

She smiled up at Lynta and her feeble attempt at a joke was rewarded with a laugh like honey from the other woman.

"Noel tells me you're from Senegal?"

"Yes – it's quite a different environment from Canada."

"Yeah, I would think so. I don't imagine there are too many log cabins there."

Both ladies laughed companionably and Lynta shook her head. "No, not too many."

"Well, I hate to say this and I hope you won't think I'm being rude or out of line, but I've never seen anyone quite like you. You'll have to forgive my friends and family if they watch you a lot or ask ignorant questions. This will all be new for us."

Lynta smiled shyly and bowed her head. "It's alright, I suppose. I'm a very private person by nature but I am getting used to your Western ways, little by little. And I know that most of the time people mean no harm – they're just curious."

Lori smiled encouragingly at Lynta and nodded in silence.

Noel and Jeret joined them and Noel grabbed a piece of cabbage out of the bowl Lori was mixing.

"Hey – that's good. What is it? What can we do to help?"

Lori shot Noel a look of mock anger. "It's an Oriental cabbage salad and you can help by keeping your paws out of it until it's served."

All three of them laughed and Lori felt a ridiculous sense of community with them, as though they had been standing in this kitchen, teasing each other, many times before. She felt they were her friends already, too.

"Just let me finish this and then I'll introduce you to the group out there, okay?"

**********

Noel could see an immense relief wash over Lori as the minutes wore on and he, Lynta and Jeret seemed to be welcomed into the fold. Her family and friends were reserved, polite and curious, but the tension started to lessen when Jeret grabbed a croquet mallet and began tearing around with the kids. Bless Jeret, Noel thought. Bless him and his extroverted, charming ways.

Noel himself chose to sit with Lori's parents and talk to them about the cougar. He had to use a brass-tacks approach with Tom, he knew. Farmers wanted the cut-and-dry version, not the ethereal "I promises" he could give to Lori. Instead, he showed Tom the trap he had set out for the past four days and described the meat he had used for bait. He'd even sprayed a scent specially designed to attract predators on and around it and they'd seen no other hints of the cat.

Lori's parents got pulled away after awhile to man the barbeque, and Noel stifled a grin as a few seconds later, Shannon plopped herself down in the lawn chair next to him. Here comes the inquisition, he thought, bracing himself.

She was blunt and to the point. "So you weren't able to catch the mountain lion, eh Noel?"

He gave her a sideways glance and shook his head. "No, and I didn't charge Lori for my time here, either."

"Yeah, she mentioned that. That was good of you. Still, you got to stay at somebody's place free of charge for awhile – that's not bad."

"No, it was very accommodating of Lori to let me stay in the barn. I appreciate the gesture."

"So what happens when – oops, I mean if – the cat comes back next week?"

Noel smiled down at the ground and swirled the punch in his cup. "The cougar won't be back. But if he does return, Lori only has to call me and I'll come again."

Shannon studied him, hard. He could feel her eyes on him, but he refused to look at her full-on. "C'mon, Noel. Be honest. How well do you know that mountain lion?"

With that question, Noel decided to give her the full force of his presence. He turned slowly and gracefully in his chair so that he was looking directly into her eyes, his head lowered, and his brows drawn down in sincerity. "I've never seen that cougar before in my life, Shannon. I've been called on to help at many farms in the past few years and most of those calls have been for feral barn cats, the occasional bobcat visit – even a lynx or two. I've had brushes with three other wild mountain lions in my life, but not around here and certainly not one that looked like this one."

Shannon blinked at his intensity, his soft voice clearly affecting her in some way. Yet he could see her protectiveness of Lori take hold again and she persevered. He commended her silently for it.

"Noel, I won't say anything – there's been no harm done and I respect that you thought enough of Lori not to go through with it – but I want to know. You put up a sign with a picture of a cougar on it in town – that can't just be coincidence. Is the mountain lion yours?"

Noel gave Shannon a twisted smile. "No, Shannon. The mountain lion isn't mine. It's Lori's."

Shannon's mouth dropped open. "What? What do you mean?"

Noel leaned back and rested both elbows on the arms of his lawn chair, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth.

"Just what I said. The cat belongs to Lori – not in the conventional sense – but just the same, he came here for a reason. I know you love your friend and I understand why you feel you need to guard her. You don't believe this yet, but I feel the same way. I wouldn't harm Lori for the world and I wouldn't take advantage of her in any form. Not by scamming her into hiring me to catch my own cat –" He shot Shannon a piercing look and she sat back, disconcerted, " – and not by abusing her generosity."

Shannon stayed silent, clearly doubting Noel's words.

"Look," he pointed out, "I'm leaving on Monday and Lori need never see me again if that's what she chooses. I came here because of her invitation, I helped her in the way she needed – even if it's invisible help to you, her, and everyone else here today – and soon I'll be leaving, never to return if that's her wish."

He separated his fingertips and turned his palms up in the form of a question. "What more can I do to prove that I'm trustworthy? Wear a three-piece suit?"

Shannon barked out a surprised laugh and looked at him carefully, a smile still playing around her lips. "Well, I have to say, that would help."

Noel nodded. "I know it would. But I find the big cats aren't as impressed with the tie as humans are."

He felt Shannon's wall crack a fraction of an inch as her smile grew wider. "Cheeky thing," she muttered. But she remained seated next to him.

**********

Lori was watching Noel and Shannon talking across the yard and didn't realize Jesse was behind her until he rested a work-worn hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Lori," he said softly as he sat down next to her on the porch steps.

"Hey, Jesse," she answered back, darting a quick glance around for Anne. Jesse's wife was busy at the picnic table, dumping chips and pretzels into bowls and attempting to keep her children out of them at the same time; she didn't notice the two of them speaking.

Lori turned to look at her brother-in-law and felt the breath catch in her throat as the resemblance to Cody came back with a flood of memories. Cody had a cowlick just like the one on Jesse's scalp and their eyes were the exact same shade of sapphire.

"How've you been?" She forced the words out from underneath the lump in her throat.

"I've been good – busy with the farm, as always. Harvesting is going to start next week if this weather holds – you know how it is. We'll be going morning, noon and night for the next couple of months."

Lori nodded, remembering her days on her parents' farm, when she didn't see her dad the entire autumn as his schedule revolved around the plants and catching a few hours of sleep when the weather kept him from the fields.

"You been busy with the horses?" Jesse asked, looking over to where Piper and Ebony were grazing out in their pasture, the threat of mountain lion now gone.

"Yeah, it's been pretty crazy with all this other stuff going on, but I think it's going to settle down now. I've got two more horses coming in for training – their owners are bringing them next week – and I think I might try to get to another auction in October and pick up a couple of project horses for the winter."

Lori looked over to where Jeret and Lynta were sitting near the barbeque, talking with her parents, Rita and Rick. All seemed well there, so she relaxed and focused more of her attention on Jesse.

"How've things been with you and Anne? Has she lightened up a bit?"

Jesse laughed – heartbreakingly like Cody – and ducked his head closer to his knees. "I wouldn't exactly say that...but I think she appreciates the fact that I've behaved myself since you and I last spoke. She hasn't said anymore about it, anyway."

"Well, good, I guess. I just hope I haven't ruined everything by inviting you guys here today...or by sitting here, talking to you."

Jesse smiled, but looked over towards his wife to read her reaction. Anne was sitting at the picnic table, her back partially to the two of them, yet Lori knew her entire attention was riveted to what was going on here at the porch.

"Well," Jesse answered with a smirk, "no doubt I'll have to give her a play-by-play of our conversation, but that's okay. I wanted to talk to you about something."

Lori tipped up an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah...you might think I'm being really weird here, so take it with a grain of salt, but I just thought it was really odd when I heard that you had a mountain lion hanging around the place." Jesse gave her an awkward smile. "I mean...what are the odds of that?"

Lori nodded. "I know what you mean – it just seems to be one more thing that's been a challenge in this year of challenges."

"Well, yeah...that, too. But I meant more with the fact that there've never been any reports of mountain lions around here and then right after Cody dies, one shows up."

Lori pulled back slightly to look at Jesse, her brows drawn down in confusion. "What do you mean? I don't see the connection."

Jesse gave her the confused look back. "You don't? You mean Cody never told you the dreams he used to have about a cougar hanging out with him?"

Lori went cold. "No. Never. He had d-dreams about them?" Her lips felt numb and the hair on her arms prickled with energy.

"Gosh, yeah. All the time. It was like a recurring theme with him. I think the first time he had one was when he was about four – he woke the entire house up, screaming, because he thought one had jumped into bed with him."

Jesse scooted over a bit, swinging his knees towards Lori so he could see her better. "After that, he was obsessed with them – he used to buy posters of them and put them in his room, he had mom and dad enrol him in the World Wildlife Fund so he could 'adopt' one...he even did reports on them in school."

Lori's mind was racing with the news; she let out a deep breath, trying to settle down. What was that Noel had said about messages? Suddenly, she felt like one was finally coming through loud and clear.

"D-did he ever stop dreaming about them, Jesse?"

Her brother-in-law shrugged. "I'm not sure – he was still having them shortly before he married you because he told me about one he'd had where he dreamt he was going to look at a horse for you and instead, when he got there, it turned out to be a cougar and he had to saddle it and ride it and stuff. We had a good laugh about that one, actually."

Jesse smiled with melancholy etching lines in his face, staring off into some comforting place in the past. After a moment, he shook himself. "Anyway, if he didn't tell you about them then maybe he had stopped having them. I guess we'll never know now."

Lori looked over at Noel and was startled to see he was looking fixedly at her, as though he knew exactly what she and Jesse were saying. "No," Lori mumbled. "I guess we won't."

**********

Noel could see that Lori was desperate to speak to him; something had clearly happened while she was speaking with Cody's brother. He removed himself from the conversation going on between Shannon and Mark and walked to the barbeque, a few feet away from where Lori and Jesse were talking. He waited, biding his time until they could talk, but just as Jesse was going to join Anne at the picnic table, Lynta came to him and asked if there were a private place she could go to say prayers.

"Of course, Lynta," he said, setting down his punch. "My apologies. Follow me – I'll take you to the stables. Nobody will bother you around there today."

He shrugged with regret as Lori watched them walk away, beseeching him to stay with her stunning grey-green eyes. I'll be back, he mouthed as he led the tall Senegalese woman away.

Unfortunately, by the time he returned the entire party had gathered around the picnic table and scattered TV trays to begin eating and one focused conversation was going on. Apparently someone had asked Jesse's oldest boy what his favourite animals were at the zoo they had visited in the summer and all three children were now proceeding to describe in detail every animal known to mankind. Noel smiled at their enthusiastic descriptions and gave an impatient Lori a reassuring wink.

"I liked the gorillas," Jesse's oldest boy said. "Their heads were like, as big as my whole body!"

Jesse's daughter wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out. "Eww, no! They stunk! I liked the zebras best – one of them had a baby with her and she was so cute!"

Jesse's younger son was hopping up and down in the excitement of having his turn; he pulled at his father's jeans, trying to call attention downwards. "No! No! No!" he interjected. "The best part was the rhinos. Or the bats. Oh! And the tigers – they were really cool!"

Lori's mom smiled fondly at the little boy. "It sounds like you can't make up your mind there, sweetheart."

"Well, it was all good," he stated emphatically.

The adults chuckled and Noel met Lori's eyes. "What about you, Lori?" he asked with a crooked smile on his face. "Did you have a favourite at the zoo?"

Lori narrowed her eyes at him, clearly wondering what he was up to. She shrugged and looked at the ground in thought. "No, I don't think so," she responded cautiously. "I guess the zebras were probably one of my favourites."

Rita snorted in amusement. "Big surprise. I suppose the wild horses were high-ranking, too."

The group laughed again at her gentle mocking. Everyone knew Lori's love of horses would put them high on the list.

"No, I know what Lori liked best," Anne stated as she handed her daughter a plate of food.

Noel saw Lori stiffen slightly and wondered about it.

"She liked the snow leopards – one came right over to her when we were leaving and do you think Jesse could get her away from the thing? Not a chance – it was like she was hypnotized!"

Lori looked as though some deep, hidden secret had been exposed to the world and an uncomfortable silence descended on the group. She looked at Noel with more confusion on her face than ever; he gave her a look of reassurance, trying to let her know he understood and sided with her without being too obvious.

"Did I?" she finally asked quietly. "I wasn't aware of that."

"Really?" Anne demanded. "I can't believe you don't remember it. It was just plain weird, the way you acted there."

Noel didn't take his eyes from Lori's face; he felt he was holding her up as she sorted through the implications of what Anne had said. In the end, she did nothing but shrug and smile, though. "Oh, well," she stated with a note of defiance in her voice. "I guess the snow leopards were my favourite then."

She moved towards the table and picked up a plate. "Now who wants some of this potato salad? I guarantee it's the best you'll ever have."

**********

"Hey, kiddo. That Oriental salad was amazing," Shannon said as she came into the kitchen where Lori was starting to put leftovers into plastic containers for the fridge.

"Thanks, Shannon. I'll give you the recipe if you want it."

Lori saw Shannon look out the back window where the entire group – adults and children included – were now lying sluggish in lawn chairs. The enormous amount of food and fresh air had obviously done them all in. She walked back to Lori and began helping her put things away.

"Please. Mark even liked it which is saying something for him and cabbage!"

They laughed together and then Lori saw Shannon check to make sure they were alone and outside of hearing range from the group outside.

"What's up with the two Noel brought along? That woman is an Amazon!"

Lori smiled as she scraped the potato salad remains into a container. "Yeah, she's pretty tall, isn't she? Beautiful, though."

Shannon conceded with a nod. "She is, yeah. And really...anyone is a giant compared to me, but what's with the outfit? The scarf and robe?"

Lori shrugged, not meeting Shannon's eyes. "Oh, that. Noel said she's Muslim – that's part of her traditional dress. It's called her hijab."

"Oh, that explains it. I was wondering why she disappeared there for awhile and why none of them were eating meat. Are they all Muslims then?"

Lori shook her head. "No, I think they're just vegetarians," she laughed. "There's a difference you know," she added as she winked at Shannon. "I haven't been able to figure out what Noel is – he keeps evading my questions – and Jeret told me he practices Buddhism, so I guess they're just a mix."

Shannon gave a small grunt of amusement. "A mix of oddballs," she mumbled but there was no real animosity in the statement – just a feeble attempt at humour.

Lori looked to make sure no one had heard, even though she knew they were alone in the house. "Shannon! That's not very nice. Besides, I like them – they all seem very friendly."

Her friend lifted a shoulder in response. "I suppose. I like Noel better than I thought I was going to, anyway. But they are a little strange – you have to admit."

Lori rinsed off a metal spoon she'd been using and dried it with a dish towel. "They're different – I don't know about 'strange.'"

"You don't think it's strange that Noel told me that mountain lion was yours? To me, that sounds pretty strange."

Lori set the spoon down on the counter and looked at the petite woman next to her. "He did?"

"Yeah – he actually said the cougar was yours. I asked him if he'd let it go himself and was coming to get it and he said it wasn't his – it was yours."

"You did what?" Lori asked, her eyebrows rising in astonishment. "Shannon, how could you?"

Shannon turned to look at her friend with a grin on her face. "Come on, Lori – you know me. I'm not going to pull any punches. He was perfectly okay with it – don't worry. But I still can't figure out what he meant."

Lori twisted the towel in her hands, her thoughts going in a thousand directions at once. The cougar was hers? How could that be? She thought she had it all figured out when she had been talking to Jesse. She thought that maybe what Noel had been trying to say all along was that the mountain lion was a symbol of Cody – or maybe that it was Cody, come back to tell her everything was okay. She could live with that – she wasn't 100% sure if she believed in that, but it would have been a comfort to know her husband was still around.

But if Noel said the cougar was hers...what did that mean? And with Anne making fun of her reaction to the snow leopard and her dream about it, too...well, she thought if any cat was "hers" it would be that one.

Lori passed a hand over her eyes, rubbing her temples in confusion. Why was everything so complicated? Why couldn't Noel just tell her what was going on? He could obviously share things with Shannon!

"Hey," Shannon said, breaking in on her thoughts. "I wouldn't stress about it – he probably just said it to shut me up and stop accusing him. Honestly. You keep worrying over silly things like that and your grey patch is going to get bigger."

Lori felt the spot at the side of her head and sighed. "You want to talk about strange," she started. "How's this? I bought dye and coloured this a week ago. A week ago, Shannon. And it's already come back grey again. I thought hair colour was supposed to last longer than that?"

Shannon set down a bowl of leftover salad and walked over to inspect Lori's scalp. "That is weird," she muttered, pulling at the strands. "You wouldn't even know you touched it – it's like the colour slid right off the hair."

"I know!" Lori said in frustration. "And it was the best stuff on the market, too – the kind you recommended. I can't figure it out."

Shannon patted Lori in sympathy and stepped back. "Well, let me do it for you after everyone leaves tonight – maybe you just didn't follow the instructions right."

**********

It was much later that Noel finally got a chance to speak with Lori. Much to his chagrin, Shannon and Mark had stayed until well past dark while Shannon dyed Lori's hair again. He hoped Lori didn't waste any more money on the stuff when she saw it wasn't going to "help."

While Lori's friends had taken up residence in her kitchen, Noel had taken Jeret and Lynta back to the barn loft and they had chatted for awhile.

"The temps are getting cooler at night," Jeret pointed out when he and Lynta were settled on the couch. "It's probably a good thing your work here is done, since I imagine this place could get pretty cold in the winter."

Noel slid into the chair with a cup of hot chocolate and cinnamon balanced in his hand and nodded. "I imagine it could, but the hay and the horses downstairs would probably help."

Bear had curled up in Lynta's lap and was purring loudly enough that Noel could hear him across the room. "Where are you going next, Noel? Are you staying nearby?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm hoping to speak with her yet tonight and that's all I'll be able to do for now, I think. If she wants to join us, she'll call me and then we can start."

"Have you heard anymore reports of cats like this?" Jeret asked before taking a sip of his own cocoa.

"No – this one was much stronger, as you're aware. I don't think the others will be so easy to find....so....exceptional. I'll need you two to keep your eyes and ears open and let me know if you receive any messages."

His two companions nodded and Lynta stroked Bear with a long-fingered hand. "So I'll ask again – where are you going next?"

"I think back to Toronto – if you'll have me, Jeret?"

The blond nodded in reply.

"Will there be work at the zoo for me?"

"I can arrange it," Jeret assured. "The lions have been particularly restless again lately – it's not like I'll have to make up an excuse to have a big cat behaviouralist come back to study them."

"Good," Noel said, noticing from the window that Mark was heading to his truck. "It looks like her company will be leaving soon – I want to make sure I catch her before she goes to bed. I'll see you in a few days, Jeret?" he asked, standing up and swallowing the rest of his cocoa.

Jeret nodded in answer then started to get up, too.

"No, don't hurry on my account," Noel said, waving his friend back down to the couch. "Finish your drinks and take your time. I have a feeling I'm going to be up there awhile," he added as he looked to the house.

Chapter 12

In fact, he and Lori were just settling onto a rocker bench on her front porch when Jeret and Lynta made their way to the Prius.

"Good night, you two," he called from the porch. "Safe journey."

"Good night," they waved back. "Good night, Lori – thank you for having us."

"It was my pleasure," Lori said next to Noel. "And I mean that sincerely!"

Noel smiled and began gently rocking the bench they both sat on. The hybrid car was quiet as it pulled out of her drive and headed towards the road; only the muffled popping of gravel under the tires indicated their departure.

"A big day," Noel said softly as Jeret's lights faded into the distance.

"Yes," Lori confirmed. "My head's swimming from all the conversations."

"I can imagine," he said with a smile.

"I have questions," she stated.

"I can imagine," he said with a bigger smile.

He rocked the bench a few more times, his boots pushing lightly against the wooden boards of the porch. "It looked earlier like you really wanted to talk with me. After you spoke to Jesse."

"I did. He said something that I was sure was one of those messages you were talking about. Or at least I thought it was a message – until I spoke to Shannon."

"Oh?"

He could feel her nod next to him in the darkness as they continued to rock back and forth.

"Jesse told me that Cody used to dream about mountain lions. That's more than just a coincidence, isn't it?"

Noel had to keep his heart from racing with a few deep breaths. "It's not a coincidence."

"Okay. So, I know this sounds silly, but I thought maybe you were trying to tell me that the cougar was Cody – reincarnated, like. But then Shannon said you said the cougar was mine, so now I'm confused again."

"I told Shannon that the cougar was yours, meaning that it didn't belong to me. I didn't mean that it was yours literally, though."

She was silent next to him for so long that he decided to help her out a bit. He didn't want her dismissing the idea completely because she had one part of it wrong. "Lori, I want you to think back on the months since June for me, alright?"

She turned to look at him out of the corner of her eye, the moonlight limning her face. "Okay."

"What has been a common thread through all of it? The dreams you've had? The places you've gone? The things that have left an impression? The events that have happened here?" Noel ran his thumb and forefinger over his beard then impulsively put the same arm up on the back of the bench – behind her - angling to face her better.

She was thinking through all he had said and didn't notice his shift of position.

"Cats," she said softly, in amazement.

"Cats," he confirmed, breathing a silent prayer of gratitude into the night air.

"Noel, what's going on?"

"We're not really sure yet."

"We?" she asked.

"Lynta and Jeret have been having the same kinds of experiences."

"Oh," she breathed.

"It's like we're being...called...by a particular cat to...well, to wake up. All of us have been 'visited' in some way – Jeret's was a jaguarundi and Lynta's a lynx. Mine was a black panther that showed up in my dreams."

Lori started visibly and gasped which made him stop abruptly.

"What?" he asked, looking at her intently. "What is it?"

"I had a dream about a black panther this month. It was in the loft. I was sitting near it and...." She trailed off and his eyes burrowed into her, willing her to say more, but she wouldn't.

"I don't understand," she said finally. "Why am I seeing so many different cats?"

Noel shook his head, trying to figure it out himself. "I don't know. You haven't been like the others."

"So the cougar is mine then?"

"No, I don't think so. I think he was Cody's."

He felt her jerk next to him and began rocking the bench again, trying to soothe her as they discussed her dead husband.

"The mountain lion was looking for him, was coming to Cody. When I told him that Cody was gone, the cougar..." Noel paused, realizing how ridiculous this would sound to her. "Well, the cougar 'thanked' me and said his search was over."

"Wait a minute," Lori said, her voice harder with disbelief. "You were talking with it?"

"Yes. I know that sounds crazy. But I've been able to do that since I was a little kid, Lori. I can communicate with them and they with me. It's not that different from what you do with horses, you know. I've just perfected the process so the messages are much clearer."

She shook her head like a horse trying to rid itself of a persistent fly. "So what did the cougar want?"

"Aside from seeking out Cody, I don't know. I don't know why the jaguarundi came to Jeret or why the lynx is visiting Lynta. I'm not even sure what exactly the black panther wants, but I know that we are being called to pay attention to something. Something important. And now you've been included."

"But you just said the cougar wasn't here for me!"

Noel left his right arm over the back of the bench but tentatively reached out with his left hand and rested it on her knee, drawing her complete attention.

"The cougar wasn't. But there's been another for you. Hasn't there?"

Her grey-green eyes stared deeply into his and he had to forcibly silence his tongue. How could she not see it? Every time she looked in the mirror, how could she not recognize it?

Those glorious eyes widened in disbelief as she understood.

"The snow leopard, you mean?" she whispered.

He nodded, holding her gaze.

"It's yours," he confirmed quietly. As though of its own volition, his hand came up and lightly traced the creamy white skin under one of her eyes then skimmed across the hair she had again tried to disguise with black colorant.

"We're all being...touched...in some way, Lori. We're taking on the characteristics of our cat. My hair and eyes used to be a much lighter brown – they've turned black. And Jeret tells me that around the time the jaguarundi visited him the first time, his ears started to get smaller – he noticed because of his piercings – they're sitting different on his ears now. And with Lynta it's the exact opposite – her ears are getting longer and have definite points to them now. She's able to disguise it because of her hijab, but it's quite noticeable otherwise."

Noel dropped his hand, amazed at the electricity that was pulsating up his fingers from where he had touched her.

She cleared her throat and put her own fingers to her hair. "You mean my hair is changing because of a snow leopard?" Her voice cracked with incredulity.

"I don't know. All I can say is don't be surprised if that patch of grey is back the next time you wash your hair. These changes seem to be quite...persistent."

Lori winced and shook her head. "But what does it mean, Noel?"

He sighed in frustration. "I don't know. I honestly don't. If I had this answer, I would give it to you. Right now, Jeret, Lynta and I are just trying to make contact with others who are going through the same thing. We're hoping that if we can find enough like us, that maybe somebody will have the answers."

He curled the hand that had touched her into a fist and rubbed it along his thigh in aggravation. "All I can ask from you at this point is to keep watching – record your dreams, make note of things that seem odd, if you remember stuff from your childhood that you think might have significance, write it down. And above all else, pay attention to your kittens and Bear."

That brought her up short. "What? Why?"

"Because this has something to do with cats – they're trying to tell us something. And the little ones – the domesticated ones – are trying to let us know just as much as the big ones."

"You're serious."

"Lori, believe me – I know this seems unreal. Imagine what I felt like when I was the only one going through it! At least now I know there are others who are being called, too. Jeret works at the Toronto Zoo – I didn't want to tell you that before because I wanted to make sure it was really happening to you – not something that you were experiencing because I suggested it. When I'm not getting 'called out' to find others, I help him there. And the cats at the zoo are getting stirred up; they're sending me messages all the time. But usually it's just to go out and find others."

Noel paused to take a breath. There was so much to tell her!

"That's what your snow leopard did after you visited that day, by the way."

Lori was staring at him as though he had gone certifiably insane. "What on earth do you mean?"

"I didn't know you'd been there at the zoo that day – I was away. But Jeret was there – he saw you interacting with one of the leopards. He told me about it later. And then the next day, Min – that's the leopard's name – practically pounced on me. 'Go after her!' she was screaming at me. 'You need to find her!' I didn't even know where to start...and then somebody visiting the zoo said they'd seen a cougar out this way. I didn't put the two of you together, but I thought maybe the cougar was going to identify somebody else, so I came looking for that person."

He paused again to catch his breath and calm down. "When I was putting up the sign in town and I saw you...that's when I started to wonder if maybe the cougar and you were connected in some way." He looked up at her and swallowed. "And you were."

He was startled to see tears well up in her eyes, but then realized what he'd been saying. To her ears, he was talking about her recently-killed husband – not a cougar.

"We are connected," she whispered. She swallowed thickly and brushed a hand across her eyes, stilling the tears from overflowing. "Is – Is the cougar going to be ok, Noel?"

He felt a small twinge in his heart for her, but squashed his pity – she didn't need that.

"Oh, Lori," he said with a profound gentleness, "he's going to be fine. I think he just wanted to make sure I found you, you see. He's perfectly safe."

It was a surprise to both of them when she suddenly began weeping uncontrollably. She looked at him in shock when the first sob wracked her body and tried to turn away, but Noel grabbed her by the shoulders and steered her towards him instead. She collapsed against his chest and surrendered to the mixture of sorrow and relief then; her arms wrapped tightly around his middle as she let go of the sadness at last.

He was dimly aware that one of his hands was cupping her cheek as the tears flowed over them both and the other was stroking her soft hair where it ended on her shoulders but he had no other conscious thought after that other than to provide her comfort. He waited, feeling his heart swell with love not only for her but also for Cody and for all the little "coincidences" that had fallen into place to make this moment possible. She had been so lonely and so worried about Cody – he knew that now – and with a few little words, Noel had been able to reassure her and help her start anew. He was truly blessed to know her...and to be a part of this.

A long, long time later, she finally pulled away from him and scrubbed her face with her shirtsleeve. "Sorry," she said, her voice muffled against the fabric.

"Hey," he said rather sharply, causing her to look at him in surprise. "Don't you ever apologize for that again, okay? I mean it. That was necessary and beautiful – you honour him and the love you two had by doing it."

She nodded mutely then looked out over the dark driveway. "It's late," she said, her voice raspy with tears.

"It is," he confirmed. "Is there more that needs to be said, though?"

"It's a lot to take in," she confided.

"I know. And there will undoubtedly be some denial when you wake up tomorrow and the harsh light of day makes you doubt this conversation even took place."

Noel leaned in towards her and smiled. "Just for the record, it did."

She laughed shakily. "Okay."

There was another pause and Noel listened to the last few crickets, stubbornly clinging to the end of summer as they chirped under the porch.

"Noel, are you afraid?" she asked in the darkness.

"Afraid? No, not really." He thought about how he'd felt since the black panther had come to visit the first time, trying to give her the full scope of his emotions. "With me, I had been dreaming of cats since I was a child – especially black panthers. From the first time I saw the Jungle Book, I'd imagined my very own Bagheera at my beck and call – I used to pretend that he would come and save the day whenever I got into imaginary dangers. And at night I used to pretend he'd jump up on my bed – he came in through the open window – and would lie at my feet, protecting me."

Noel smiled into the darkness, remembering.

"So when the panther came to me a few months ago and told me to 'wake up'...well, I didn't really think too much about it. When I heard Jeret and Lynta were experiencing similar things, it did make my skin crawl a bit. But not really in fear – just in wonder."

He looked at her speculatively. "Are you afraid of it, Lori?"

She smiled in self-deprecation. "Well, you have accused me of being afraid all the time."

He smiled back at her, but remained silent.

"I'll admit I've been afraid of a lot since Cody died – it's scary being all alone. And not knowing when someone else you love is going to be taken away. That petrifies me sometimes. I was really afraid of that cougar when I thought it was trying to kill me. Now, I wish it would come back so I could say good-bye."

Her voice cracked and she bit her lip to regain control. "But do you feel something big is going to happen?" she asked plaintively.

Noel looked down at his legs, trying in vain to see into the future. "Yes," he stated. "I do."

Lori nodded next to him. "I do, too. Doesn't that frighten you, even a little?"

He turned to look at her again and ran his hands through his now-black hair. "The greatest choice we have, Lori, is to decide every moment what we're going to do, who we're going to be. I am not going to be afraid."

He wondered, afterwards, whether those words would come back to haunt him in the end.

**********

Lori watched, bemused, as Noel made notations in a small journal he had brought with him to the house; he had the most beautiful, elegant handwriting she had ever seen a man use. He was seated on the couch in her living room, one leg tucked up underneath him, while she sat forward on the love seat at a 90-degree angle to him, having her brains picked over.

"So go over it with me again," he requested in his warm, low voice. "Your dream about the snow leopard...you were panning for gold, you said? And then a volcano erupted?"

She nodded, watching as he snapped the rubber band that he had removed from the journal when they started; he had wrapped it around his wrist to keep the kittens from eating it and it sat snug enough that it was leaving a mark.

"Yes, I remember the gold and the volcano very distinctly. It was almost as though the leopard caused the volcano to happen."

Noel wrote that down, too, and pursed his lips in thought. "And you don't know where this took place?"

She shook her head. "No, I've never seen the place in my life. It was very foreign to me – nothing looked familiar."

Luke jumped up next to Noel and began pawing at the rubber band; Noel stopped drawing attention to the "toy" and watched the kitten gently insinuate his teeth and claws between Noel's skin and the elastic.

"If you had to guess, where would you say it happened?" he asked, then rested a burnished brown hand on the kitten's head. "Gentle there, little man," he cautioned.

Lori shrugged. "I don't know...it felt Asian for some reason but I don't know my geography well enough to say what volcano it might have been."

Leia had jumped up next to Lori and she gathered the little grey tabby in against her hip, gently stroking her as she thought.

"Be careful about taking things too literally, Lori. Dreams are usually full of as much symbolism as they are reality. Volcanoes can be a symbol of awakening energy...creative fire, if you like. It wasn't necessarily a literal volcano in Asia."

He made a few more notations and then continued. "I think that's probably what the volcano was doing there. The snow leopard entered your dream and suddenly your world was rocked, for lack of a better metaphor," he said with a lopsided smile.

She smiled back at him and nodded. "Fair enough. What about the panning for gold?"

"Looking for treasure, seeking something...but what are you seeking? Wealth? Power? Maybe just answers to what's going on? That's a fairly classic symbol of a quest."

Lori sat back slightly and gave Leia a reassuring glance after disturbing her rest. The kitten yawned and stretched out a paw, hooking her claws in Lori's jeans, claiming her. "If you say so," Lori told Noel. "I've never heard of anyone dreaming of panning for gold before."

He smiled up at her and winked. "Trust me. Anything else?"

"Mm-hm. The leopard wanted me to follow it – it was almost like she said 'come' and then she turned around and started walking away...and I went after it. I remember following the tip of her tail like it was a beacon as the sun set – it felt like we walked for hours and then it was night and it went completely dark. That's when I woke up."

Noel finished writing a bit more and looked up at her again. "So you walked into the darkness?"

Lori felt a trickle of premonition run down her spine. "Yeah. That doesn't sound good, does it?"

Noel cocked an ironic eyebrow at her. "You sound afraid again."

She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh, shut up."

She was rewarded with one of his heart-warming laughs and felt the worry ease a bit in her own heart.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"No, that was it, I think. It was a beautiful cat," she added then felt ridiculous for saying so.

But Noel looked up at her and held her eyes with the light shining from his coal-black ones. "Snow leopards are."

**********

Noel took one final look around the loft, ensuring there was nothing left behind he had brought. Leave no trace, he ironically thought as he drew the curtain and shut the door behind him.

Bear bid him a farewell from the bottom of the barn stairs and Noel picked him up and gave him a gentle squeeze. "I'll be back, buddy," he whispered above the cat's head. "You take good care of her in the meantime."

The brown tabby butted heads with Noel and he laughed at the gesture. Setting Bear down, Noel then made his way to Ebony and Piper, giving them a final pat, too. Both were getting restless, waiting for their breakfast.

"She's coming – don't worry," he told them. "Thanks for letting me room with you for awhile."

After walking to his truck and setting his backpack on the seat, he turned around to find Lori coming down the front porch stairs.

"You're leaving early," she said, pulling the sleeves of her sweater down as far as they would go around her hands. The morning was brisk with a hint of frost on the blades of grass.

He took a few steps towards her but let her come the majority of the way until they were a couple of feet from each other.

He nodded. "I am, yeah. I'm driving to Toronto today – I told Jeret I'd be there by mid-morning to get situated at the apartment before he had to go to work."

She looked down at the gravel driveway, not certain what to say. Finally, she looked up at him. "Noel, are you sure you won't take any money? I feel like I should at least cover what you spent in groceries, or –"

"No, I told you – it's not necessary. Besides which, we're not done – we're going to see each other again. I'm sure of it. There will be plenty of opportunities for us to look after each other, I think."

She squinted slightly as she looked at him, trying to figure him out. Noel, why must you always be so obtuse? he chastised himself. Just because you've always been reserved and held things back doesn't mean you have to be that way now.

"Lori, I –" he blurted then stopped again, trying to think of a brilliant way to say this. "I've enjoyed being here. I want you to know...well..."

What, he thought. That I love you? That you made my heart sing the first moment I saw you? That you're a part of my soul?

She was waiting patiently for him to finish, but he couldn't. Not when she had so recently lost the love of her life.

"Look, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Anytime you want – or need – to talk, just call me, okay? You've got Jeret's number that I gave you yesterday?"

She nodded. "I do."

And wonder of wonders, it was she who moved forward then, and placed her hand on his heart. It was she who leaned in and kissed him lightly on the cheek before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and giving him a hug.

His arms went around her waist and he held her for a long moment.

"I feel as though I've known you my whole life," she whispered in his left ear. "Good-bye, Noel. Drive safely."

He reluctantly let her go, watching her walk between the house and garage – the same place where a mountain lion's appearance had begun a relationship he fervently hoped would last a lifetime. And maybe thensome.

Noel Tecumseh smoothed out the brim of his black felt hat, placed it on his head, and stepped up into his truck. The last thing he saw when he pulled out of Lori's driveway was one of her kittens, sitting in the window, watching him go.

**********

Lori heard Noel's truck rumble to life and a few minutes later, she saw him heading down the road to the main highway. She took a shaky breath, blinked away the mist that had come up in her eyes, and slid the barn door open.

"Good morning, everyone," she called to the animals inside. She was answered with soft nickers of greeting and the demanding meow of a large tom cat.

"Okay, kids," she said with forced bravado. "We've got some preparations to make – we've got two new visitors coming in this afternoon."

**********

Curtis Fanshaw arrived first with a coming three-year-old chestnut colt. He was a handful of a horse, Curtis had warned her, and then proceeded to offer Lori five times more than what she normally charged to start a horse under saddle. It was an incentive Lori couldn't refuse but when she saw the red Thoroughbred come barrelling off the trailer like a monster was clinging to its face, Lori saw exactly why she was being offered more money.

It was an ugly, disruptive scene for a few minutes, while Curtis and Lori both tried to get the white-eyed, shaking colt to settle down. Finally, after Lori led the chestnut up and down the lane from indoor arena to barn for about ten minutes, the colt heaved a big sigh and started paying more attention to his surroundings. She turned him loose in the outdoor arena when she knew he was calm enough to go investigating on his own but the raw-boned chestnut simply stood at the fence and whinnied to Ebony and Piper on the other side of the property. Lori flipped a hay net over the railing of the arena and brought out a couple of buckets of water for him and that seemed to finally draw the colt away from his incessant calling.

"Well, my dear," Curtis said as he made his way back to the truck and now-empty trailer. "He's all yours. I'll be back in 90 days to pick him up and I'm hoping you'll have a few rides on him by that point. I know you're going to run into issues with him, though, so if you can keep me posted through email, I'd appreciate it."

"Of course, Curtis. I usually keep a journal for myself and the owner of what I do every day; would you like me to send that to you?"

"Oh, that would be lovely. That way if I have any questions, they can be asked right away before the training gets too far along."

He left and Lori had just enough time for lunch before Rick Meyer pulled in with his horse – a stunning Grulla mare that Rick had recently imported from the States. The blue dun was the complete opposite of Curtis' colt – she was a slightly older, been-there, done-that cowhorse that Rick wanted to try in reining. Lori was excited about the prospects of teaching a new role to such a beautiful animal and relished the opportunity to work with the mare over the winter.

Before Rick left, Lori asked him to help her move the portable roundpen from the outdoor arena to the indoor. The weather had taken a turn for the colder this morning and it was time she faced facts – winter was coming and that meant not only colder temperatures, but also less daylight. It was best if she moved her training business indoors until spring.

Because Curtis' horse was still a stallion, she also wanted to keep him separated from the other horses as much as possible. He would be "stabled" in the roundpen inside the indoor arena at night while the two mares and Piper had the barn. Lori was definitely not taking the chance of that half-crazed colt fighting with her horse or getting one of the mares pregnant!

All too soon, Rick was also driving away and Lori felt an immense wave of loss roll over her. She felt Noel's absence acutely; then to have the activity of Curtis and Rick here abruptly followed by their departures only reinforced the emptiness now. She postponed going back to the house, triple-checking the horses to make sure they were acclimating themselves to the new environment, bedding down Ebony and Piper earlier than usual, attempting to deepen her friendship with Bear for fifteen minutes, and even going up to the loft to tidy up things that didn't need tidying. She would have admitted to no one that she paused several times while in the room so recently vacated by Noel to breathe deeply of the fragrant sandalwood and sage grass he'd left in his wake.

Finally there was nothing left to do but go back to the house. She dragged her feet up the back porch stairs, entered the quiet abode, and picked up random pieces of mail that she had dropped on the kitchen counter earlier in the day.

When she saw the brochure for McMaster University out of Hamilton amid the envelopes, Lori paused, her fingers skimming over the catalogue of classes. She had always wanted to go on to school, but it hadn't been a realistic goal right after getting married and trying to set up a business. Lori knew that now was probably an even more unrealistic time to try to take courses, but she picked up the catalogue, anyway, and carried it over to the couch.

She flipped through it, seeing courses like "Nature Literature," "World Religions," "Biology," and "Business Math" and thought they would be not only beneficial, but fascinating and fun. She sighed, wondering how she would get the money, but then in a moment of defiance, shrugged her shoulders and grabbed a pen to fill out the application form for some of the part-time night classes.

To heck with it, she thought. You won't know 'til you try.

Chapter 13

After a couple of days for the new horses to get settled on the property, Lori started with Curtis' colt first and regretted it almost immediately. The chestnut stallion was as hot-headed as they came and refused to settle down when he got in the roundpen. She tried every trick in the book she knew to get the horse to relax and tune into her body language and cues, but he wasn't having any of it. When he wasn't shaking his head at her in defiance or kicking up his feet at her requests to go faster, he was running crazily around the circle, the whites of his eyes showing and great clods of sand flying into the air from his hooves.

There finally came a time when she simply stood in the middle of the pen, giving the horse no direction whatsoever, since he wasn't paying attention to her anyway, and just let him burn out all that energy. She kept an eye on him, to be sure, so that he didn't decide charging her was a good idea, but otherwise she kept her head down, her posture relaxed and acted like she didn't care at all that he was being a complete and utter idiot.

The colt had a good set of lungs on him, anyway. He ran around the pen for what seemed like forever; if Curtis had purchased this colt for his cross-country courses, he'd definitely made a smart buy. If he could ever be guided and directed, he would be able to run for hours. It was just up to her to get him amenable to being guided and directed.

Finally, the chestnut slowed his gallop to a canter and appeared to be taking an interest in his surroundings within the indoor arena. Lori took advantage of that by stepping in front of the colt's driveline and trying to catch his eye, encouraging him to turn towards her and follow what she was doing. She thought she had him for a single moment – an ear flicked in her direction and he stuttered a bit in his step, as though he might stop, but when she backed away and tried to draw him to her, he raced past her vigorously, kicking up his heels dangerously close to her face as he did so.

"Right," she muttered under her breath. "You are not going to make me lose my patience, horse."

Lori knew that when it started to become a game with a horse, it was time to up the pressure, so she waited until the next time the colt threatened to kick her and then went in towards him with some serious purpose. She slapped the ground energetically with the string of the stick as she ran towards the colt, pushing him forward with her energy level and determination. The only way he'd learn that kicking at her was unacceptable was to see that every time he did, it caused him to work extra-hard. Unfortunately, it also made Lori work extra hard and her lungs were heaving with exertion as she corrected the colt.

He slowed a bit again while Lori caught her breath, she walking a small circle inside while he cantered a large one on the perimeter. She panted, trying to get her lungs some much-needed air, but saw with some satisfaction that the horse was starting to breathe heavier, as well. She tried again to step in front and draw the horse off the circle, but the little demon blew past her again, kicking his heels up as he went.

Lori roared as she went after the colt again. "Unacceptable!" she bellowed, slapping the ground. She was appalled to see the colt take a dramatic detour across the roundpen at that point, running past her with a few feet separating them, and actually jump at the roundpen fence. He cleared the 6' steel panel with just a few inches to spare, but he made it out.

"Hol-y cow," Lori breathed as she watched his landing on the outside of the pen. Thankfully, he was in the indoor arena so he had nowhere to go but Lori cursed herself for putting too much pressure on the horse. Sometimes, she didn't read them quite right yet and these types of spectacular events were the result.

Born out of the excitement of escaping, the colt was now running laps around the arena, taking the corners at such a high rate of speed that he almost fell over a few times as he sought to get his balance and plant his hooves in the soft loam footing. Lori knew there was no hope for it at this point but to let the colt work himself out and slow down of his own volition. She stayed in the roundpen where it was safer from those flying hooves and waited.

As she did, she started making some mental notes. She'd now have to work with the colt on a line, since he had learned to escape her by jumping the roundpen. She never liked to do that if she could help it – she wanted the horse to turn towards her of its own volition – not because she was pulling on its head – but sometimes you had to help them along. She also made a mental note that the amount of grain this beast was getting was going to be reduced as soon as possible. This colt had as much sugar coursing through its body as a toddler who drank cola all day.

Finally, when the colt was drenched with sweat and was gasping for air so dramatically that you could see the rise and fall of his belly, he stopped. Lori waited until he was truly done in and then grabbed the rope halter and came out of the roundpen. She still walked in a zigzag pattern as she approached, trying to be as unthreatening as possible, and took the necessary steps to have the horse pay attention to her fully before she put the halter on. He had definitely had a work-out, though, and seemed more than willing to allow her to approach and lead him away.

Except Lori knew they weren't finished yet. Back into the roundpen they went and she did some preliminary desensitizing while the colt stood in the center of the ring, more than grateful to "air up" while she threw the leadrope over his back, withers, neck and rump. He didn't try to run, either, while she threw the rope around his back legs, letting it wrap around them and then slide off over and over again. He raised his head with a bit of concern and lifted one leg momentarily as though he was going to kick, and Lori made note of it. He was skittish there – she'd have to do a lot more of that until he stood perfectly relaxed. She knew if the horse wasn't so tired right now, he'd be panicking at the feel of the rope wrapping around his legs.

She desensitized both sides of the animal while he continued huffing in the middle of the arena and finally stopped when he was breathing more normally and the sweat had stopped dripping from his belly into the sand. They ended the session with Lori standing in front of him and tossing the leadrope over his head, then unwinding it and tossing it the other way. He didn't seem head shy, which assured Lori all was not lost with this horse, so she even went up to him at the end and simply rubbed on the colt's face for a few minutes, showing him how pleasurable it was to be near a human.

He was calm and submissive as she led him away and she decided to turn him out in the outdoor ring for the afternoon so he got a bit of fresh air in his lungs. The first of October had started quite cold, but by the time she took his halter off and released him to roll in the sand, it had warmed to a perfect temperature for working horses and Lori impulsively grabbed Piper's tack, called her best friend over to the gate, and went for a ride.

**********

It had been a few days since Noel had left Lori, but he wondered about her often. There was no reason he could think of to call her, but he wanted to hear her voice again. He had been debating how obvious it would be to phone her up on the first of October with the pretence that he was just checking in to make sure the cougar hadn't come back, but then shook his head ruefully.

How many times had he assured her that last week that the cougar wouldn't be back? And now he was going to use that as the excuse for why he was calling? He laughed at himself and ran a hand through his wavy black hair.

Well, what else was there? he wondered as he settled onto the couch in Jeret's apartment, resting his booted feet on the milk crates they used as a coffee table. Should he ask if she'd had any dreams or other indications from the kittens that messages were coming through? No, asking her that would be just as transparent, since he had told her to journal her experiences and to phone him if anything major came up.

She hadn't phoned so nothing major had come up. Let it go, Noel, he told himself. When the timing was right to speak with her, he would. He knew with utter clarity that they would all have time together again – sometimes it was better for others to orchestrate it. Especially when you're being so needy, he chastised himself with a grin.

To distract himself, he turned to the book he had recently found on one of his ancestors and began paging through it. He knew most of the story of Tecumseh already – the noble Shawnee leader, who had taken up his brother's prophetic vision in uniting all the First Nations against the white man, but had been killed during the War of 1812 without realizing his dream. He had forgotten that Tecumseh had been killed on October 5th – the anniversary of his death was only a few days away. Noel briefly toyed with the idea of going to the site of the battle in commemoration but then dismissed it. Jeret needed his help at the zoo this week and Moraviantown was too far away to get back in one day.

Noel flipped back to the beginning and began reading in earnest, wondering if there would be messages here for him, as well. Just because a story was well-known didn't mean there were things yet to be discovered in it – especially when a black panther had made its presence seriously known in his life since the last time he did research on his forefather. These days, Noel was always conscious of remaining open and receptive to messages. They seemed to come at him from a thousand different directions.

Jeret came in as he was finishing Chapter 2 and hung his jean jacket by the front door with a "hey" in greeting. Noel answered back the same way and then laughed as Jeret tipped his head and read the title of the book Noel held.

"Tecumseh?" he asked with a smile. "A little light reading this afternoon?"

Noel nodded in the affirmative. "You could say that."

"You're not going to expect us to go out and start scalping people, are you?" he asked playfully in his deep bass voice. "Is this all some big cult to reclaim North America for yourselves?"

Noel raised his eyebrows up and down in jest. "You never know, do you? I see I'll have to brainwash you a bit more before I can introduce the subject, though."

Jeret laughed and sat down in a chair across from Noel. "Good luck with that," he stated with a grin.

"Mmm," Noel answered. "Of course, there's probably just as much white blood coursing through my veins now as there is red so I don't know where that leaves me."

Jeret barked out another laugh. "It leaves you a mutt, like the rest of us."

"I suppose," Noel concurred. "I kind of like the sounds of that, though." Noel held the book up in the air. "I forgot he died on October 5th – I was thinking I should maybe do something to honour him in some way, but I don't know what."

Jeret grinned. "How about a Tecumseh Memorial party?"

Noel rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Any excuse for a party, eh, Jeret? You never stop, do you?"

Jeret winked at him and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You know me well enough by now, Noel, than to ask such a silly question. But seriously. Why don't we get some people together and give ol' Tecumseh a tip of the hat? The 5th is a Saturday – it's perfect."

Noel considered then shrugged his shoulder. "I don't mind. Who would you invite?"

Jeret looked over at Noel. "That depends on how many people you want over and what you plan to talk about. You know, that snow leopard Min didn't eat today. The zoo vets have told me to keep an eye on her – they say she's 'not acting like herself.' Do you think we should invite Lori and Lynta over and check in with them? Maybe see if they're getting any messages?"

Noel let the wave of adrenaline surge through him before answering. "We could do that."

**********

Lori handed Jeret her zip-up hoodie as she came into his apartment and took a deep breath.

"Oh, my gosh," she exclaimed. "Something smells wonderful!"

Lynta smiled in answer from the kitchen and Lori made her way over to the tall Senegalese woman while Jeret took her coat to throw on his bed, along with the others. "Is that you making supper, Lynta?" she asked as she gave her a hug.

"Yes," Lynta answered with a musical laugh. "I've taken over Jeret's kitchen."

"Well, I have a feeling he doesn't mind. I know I don't." She walked over to the stove and took another deep breath of the steam rising from a covered pot. "What is that?"

"Ah," Lynta said, like a magician about to reveal a trick. "This is a Moroccan dish I used to have a lot when I was home. It's made with sweet potatoes, bulgur wheat, tomatoes, chickpeas and a variety of spices; very easy to make and full of flavour."

"Well if it tastes as delicious as it smells, I'm going to want the recipe," Lori avowed.

She caught movement at the end of the counter from the corner of her eye and turned to see Noel had come into the kitchen. He was wearing blue jeans and an untucked black denim shirt that complimented his hair and eyes dramatically. She was surprised by the joy that flooded through her upon seeing him again, but didn't question it. Instead she walked up to him and gave him a deep hug.

"Hey, you," she murmured as she pressed close to him.

"Hey," he answered back, wrapping his arms around her. "It's good to see you."

"You, too." She drew away, now feeling awkward, and turned to include Lynta in the conversation again.

"Were you able to find someone to look after the horses, Lori?" Lynta asked. "I know Jeret had mentioned that you normally feed them around this time."

"I did, yes. Shannon volunteered to come over and get them squared away for the night, so there's no rush to get back."

"Excellent," Jeret interjected, coming up behind Noel. "Can I get you something to drink, Lori? There's probably more space in the living room, too, if you guys want to come sit down."

The group moved to the eclectic mix of couches and chairs Jeret had assembled since moving out to live on his own a couple of years previous; Noel settled in next to Lori on the couch while Jeret took a wingback chair on Noel's right side and Lynta perched on a barstool near the kitchen in case she had to check on things as they talked.

Lori sat bemused on the couch, a glass of cranberry juice and soda water in her hand, and listened to the easy banter of her new friends. She felt like she had known them a long, long time – the conversation was easy and she felt more than included as they asked about the cats and any messages that might be coming through.

That part was still surreal to her and unfortunately she didn't have much to report, other than that her hair had again gone grey after dying it – just as Noel had predicted.

Jeret came out of his chair, bent over her, and looked at her scalp with a grunt. "I hate to tell you this, but you've got another patch starting up here, too."

He touched the crown of her head lightly and she groaned. "Are you guys sure about this? I mean...Shannon just thinks it's because I've gone through some traumatic stuff in the past year."

Jeret laughed as he sat back down and grabbed one of his small, rounded ears. "You think this is due to trauma, do you?" He turned around impulsively and reached up to grab a picture on a shelf above his head. "This is what I looked like two years ago."

Lori gasped as she looked at the photo. While the Jeret in the picture had a little more baby fat on his face and a few less tattoos, his ears were noticeably larger than the man seated in front of Lori. She looked up at him again in astonishment, comparing him to the photo.

"That's incredible," she breathed.

"Yeah," he said. "I just wish I knew why."

"Lynta, Lori – you haven't had any dreams lately that might be an indication of what's going on?" Noel asked. "Or have you met anyone that might be...influenced...by cats like us?"

Lori shook her head mutely, but Lynta cleared her throat and spoke. "Nothing like that Noel, but I did have another fainting spell this week."

"What? Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

Lori turned a bewildered look on Jeret and they leaned in to each other so that Jeret could answer the unspoken question while Noel and Lynta continued their conversation across Lori's back.

"Lynta has been prone to fainting spells since she was a child," he said softly. "Her village used to regard it as a sign of good luck: that she was travelling corporally to another realm on their behalf. Nobody bothered to see if she had any health issues, of course."

Lori glanced at Lynta, who was still talking to Noel, then cocked her head at Jeret. "Corporally?"

"Out of body experience," Jeret amplified. "They said she used to 'set her body down' and her soul would travel great distances. She could never remember what happened when she blacked out, but she said the sensation of returning was always like a carbonated soda being poured into a glass. It's pretty wild stuff."

Jeret paused to listen to them for a moment then looked at Lori again. "She hadn't fainted for about ten years, she said, but since the Lynx came to her, she's been fainting again with regularity. But she still doesn't remember anything when she wakes up."

"That's creepy," Lori said. "Has she been checked by a doctor?"

Jeret nodded. "They can't find a thing," he answered with a shrug.

**********

The food was just as good as it smelled and the group toasted Lynta at the end with cups of hot tea held aloft in salute. She laughed in embarrassment and lowered her head to her chest, thanking everyone for their compliments. All four of them pitched in afterwards to clean up and wash the dishes and soon they were able to resume their seats in the living room.

This time, Lynta took up the last space on the couch, with Noel seated between her and Lori, and Jeret produced the book on Tecumseh that Noel had been reading. He sat down with a flourish in the wingback, crossed one leg over the other and opened to a spot he had previously marked.

"Now, my children, gather round and you will hear an amazing story of love, determination, freedom and conviction."

Noel shook his head with a grin. "Love, is it?"

Jeret winked at him. "Well, maybe in the greatest sense of the word."

Lynta and Lori laughed at him; Noel grinned. "Fair enough," he conceded.

"Actually," Jeret said, flipping through the book. "It's pretty interesting, Noel – I picked it up and looked through some of it the other night. I think if Tecumseh hadn't been killed, North America might look a whole lot different today."

Lori looked at Noel; he nodded subtly, his eyes not leaving Jeret. "I know it would. For one thing, America as owned by the 'new' Americans would be a lot smaller. He was trying to create a nation for his people that would run west to the Mississippi then south to the Ohio River and north to the Great Lakes. That's a fair chunk of land."

"And when he was campaigning," Jeret added, "trying to gather all these different tribes together, he rode from Alabama to Canada on horseback to speak to his people."

"I have a new hero," Lori teased and was rewarded with a beaming smile as Noel turned to look at her with affection.

"If he had succeeded," Noel said wistfully, "he would have been considered one of the greatest heroes – leaders – revolutionaries of all time. Unfortunately, now he's rarely remembered at all."

"Well, we'll change that tonight," Jeret averred. "I found some quotes of his in here that are amazing."

Jeret lifted the book and was about to start reading when Noel raised his hand, stilling him. "Before you do, Jeret, we should probably explain a very important part of Tecumseh's story to Lynta and Lori – about his brother."

"Ah, yes," Jeret agreed. "Is that why you were reading about Tecumseh, by any chance?" he asked in inspiration.

Lori looked back at Noel and saw him nodding in Jeret's direction. "I thought there might be something in there about how it all got started, you see. The momentum, the vision, the plan."

"What are you two talking about?" Lynta said with a laugh.

Noel turned to her and began to gesture with graceful hands as he explained.

"Tecumseh had a younger brother, named Lalawethika, who always lived in his older brother's shadow growing up. The boys' father had died before Lalawethika was born and their mother left them shortly afterwards so Lalawethika essentially grew up alone. He didn't get along well with his older siblings and was a bit of a loudmouth – that's essentially what his name means in Shawnee – so the rest of the tribe treated him as a laughingstock. He shot his eye out in a hunting accident, started drinking heavily when the white people began to insert their influence, and eventually became such an alcoholic that he couldn't provide for his family."

"When was this, Noel?" Lori asked out of curiosity.

Noel turned to her and sat back so that Lynta could see them both. "Tecumseh was born sometime in March of 1768 and Lalawethika sometime in 1775. But in 1805, while Lalawethika was in a drunken stupor, he fell into a fire and suffered such terrible burns that his tribe was certain he was dead."

Noel ran his thumb and forefinger around his mouth; a gesture Lori had come to recognize as something he did when in deep thought.

"The tribe even began mourning him, when he suddenly woke up and revealed to them that he had been given a vision. He had been told by the Great Spirit that they needed to move away from the white man's influence and go back to the ways of their own people. They were supposed to stop drinking alcohol, stop wearing the white man's clothes –" here Noel picked at the sleeve of the denim shirt he wore " – and live the life the Great Spirit had intended."

Noel paused to take a breath and Jeret took up the story.

"In a way, it was the perfect inroad for Tecumseh, really. He was the warrior, the patriot – and his brother had just become a prophet – or at least a religious leader – so that Tecumseh could use what his brother was saying as proof of the truth of his message."

Noel smiled across at Jeret. "You make Tecumseh sound quite manipulative, Jeret."

Jeret snorted. "And you don't think he was? He certainly knew how to take something poignant like his brother's vision and use it to his advantage."

Noel thought about that and then shrugged. "You call that manipulative; I call that influential. I honestly believe the brothers were chosen – together – to each play a role in that movement. Lalawethika – who changed his name to Tenskwatawa, or 'The Open Door' after his vision – was the call to arms. Tecumseh was the use of those arms. I don't doubt for one second that both of them had a special role to play and were literally chosen to take their part."

"No, I suppose not," Jeret conceded. "And some of the things Tecumseh said were pretty amazing."

Jeret opened the book again and with a quick look at Noel, who nodded his approval, he began reading. "This is one of his quotes: 'The way, the only way to stop this evil is for the red man to unite in claiming a common and equal right in the land, as it was first, and should be now, for it was never divided. We gave them forest-clad mountains and valleys full of game, and in return what did they give our warriors and our women? Rum, trinkets and a grave.'"

Jeret looked around to make sure everyone was still paying attention and then resumed. "'Brothers--My people wish for peace; the red men all wish for peace; but where the white people are, there is no peace for them, except it be on the bosom of our mother. Where today are the Peoquot? Where today are the Narrangansett, the Mohican, the Pakanoket, and many other once powerful tribes of our people? They have vanished before the avarice and the oppression of the White Man, as snow before a summer sun.'"

Noel reached out his hand for the book and gave Jeret a grin. "Not bad on the pronunciations of those tribes...for a white man," he added with a wink.

Lori helped guide the book over to Noel's waiting hand. She was learning much from all this discussion but wasn't sure what on earth it had to do with snow leopards coming to her in dreams.

"Those were good passages if you're looking for words to stir the heart and get you in the mood for a revolt," Noel said, "but I was thinking more along the lines of this one."

He crossed his leg across his knee to balance the book, flipped to the page he was looking for, and began to read in his soft, warm voice. As he did so, Lori felt the hair stand up on the nape of her neck.

"'So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.'"

Noel looked up and smiled at the group around him, listening to the words from this long-dead warrior. "I like that," he said. "'If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.'"

He waited a moment and it seemed to Lori that he was savouring those words as he stared off into a space between here and there. Then he ran his finger down the page and found where he had left off.

"'Abuse no one and nothing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.'"

Stillness fell over the group and then Lynta stirred on the other end of the couch. "It's beautiful...but it's awfully morbid, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Lori agreed, trying to lighten the mood. "That's pretty intense. But did you say you thought that had something to do with what's happening with the four of us, Noel?"

He shut the book then stood and walked over to the shelf, gently placing it back in its place.

"I don't know. I can't say why it would – there's nothing there that ties in with the big cats or the changes happening in us – but I just feel it. There's something there, aside from his general philosophy of life."

He clutched the fabric of his shirt above his heart and looked down at the floor. "I think," he began tentatively, "that there's a message for me there – especially for me."

"Well, I can see that," said Jeret, leaning back in his chair. "After all, with a name like Tecumseh, you've got a pretty good signal that it's tied into the cats."

Lori twisted to look at him in confusion. "What? What does that mean?"

It was Noel who answered from where he stood. "He means because of Tecumseh. Te-cum-seh," he repeated, with punches of breath between each syllable the way aboriginals spoke their languages. "It means 'Celestial Panther Passing Across.' Apparently the original Tecumseh was born the night a comet streaked across the sky and many believed that light was the reflection from a black panther jumping from mountain to mountain."

Noel shrugged uncomfortably and looked at Lori. "So I guess it shouldn't have come as a surprise that I was visited by one."

**********

Lynta had to leave shortly after Noel's revelation, but Lori was dying to know more. She was relieved when Jeret offered to drive Lynta home and she had a few uninterrupted moments to speak to Noel in private.

He had come to sit back down next to her on the couch and they both faced each other, tucking a leg up underneath themselves to accommodate the other's space.

"Noel," she began tentatively, seeking to find the right words. "Don't you find that kind of intimidating? Having an ancestor like that?"

He chuckled, giving her a flash of wolf teeth. "It's only as intimidating as you let it be. It's just a name, Lori." He said it with a wink, though, and Lori knew differently.

"It's more than a name to you," she said seriously and his face grew darker. "It sounds like it's more of a legacy."

"Yes, it does. I don't say that I'm a Shawnee warrior by any stretch of the imagination – his blood has been so watered down in my veins that there's probably very little similarity between the two of us. But I can't help thinking it's more than coincidence that I come from a line of people who believed in the omen of a black panther blazing across the sky and one has decided to come visit me on a regular basis."

He gave a crooked smile as he looked at her and then reached down, playing with the crease of his jeans. "When I was a child, we were told that story, about a panther leaping from mountain to mountain in the dark...and we were scared when we saw falling stars. We thought the cat was coming to get us and we'd run inside."

Noel smiled again with melancholy, still looking down at his jeans but Lori knew he was looking much further than that. "Except when I got inside, the cat was waiting for me there, too – he was everywhere in my imagination. On my bed at night, in the closet waiting for me to get my clothes in the morning, under the table when I ate breakfast..."

He looked up at her then and his eyes pierced her heart. "Every time in my life, Lori, when something important or significant has been about to happen...like going away to school, or enduring the deaths of my parents, or meeting all of you...he's been there. He's been a source of comfort and healing, I suppose...but he always acts as if there's more. And I get frustrated sometimes, too, that I'm not getting it."

Lori reached out and gently touched his fingers with her own. "Noel, you've talked to me before about 'The Process' and letting the messages come in their own good time. You told me not to force the issue, to not try and push through, but just observe. You have to have patience with yourself, too."

His hand had stilled under her touch and she wasn't sure if she should withdraw or leave her fingers resting on his. She was just about to pull back when he covered her hand with his own and held onto her lightly. Her eyes were riveted to where their hands met; she could feel small electrical pulses extending up to her wrist from his touch.

"Lori, did you know that black panthers don't really exist as a species?"

She looked up at his coal-black eyes, shaking her head mutely, wondering where this was going.

"Black panthers are really either jaguars or leopards – there's just a genetic mutation that causes the pigment of their skin and coats to turn black. So...many years ago, I tried to figure out which one was associated with me – the jaguar or the leopard."

He checked to make sure she was following and went on. "One clue I thought I understood. My name isn't really 'Noel.'"

Lori raised her eyebrows at that and he squeezed her hand, acknowledging her reaction.

"It's really Nahuel, which means 'jaguar' in the native tongue. It's just that white people couldn't get their tongues around it properly."

He grinned at her and she smiled back.

"So everything about you is linked with cats, then," she observed.

"That's about the size of it. I did a lot of research on black panthers when I first became aware of what was going on and I thought, what with my first name being Nahuel, it was a jaguar that was coming to visit me, but now I'm not sure it is. I seem to see more of the leopard characteristics coming out in me...and I wonder now if that ambiguity is really what it's all about for me. That I'm maybe just represented by cats in general – or several different kinds. But I don't know why that should be when the rest of you have all been identified by one particular species."

"I think I can answer that one for you," Lori answered with a surprising amount of certainty.

It was Noel's turn to cock an eyebrow at her. "Oh?"

"Well, Noel...whether you want to admit it or not, you've kind of taken on the role of leader in our little group so far. You seem to be...I don't know...more 'grounded' than the rest of us. You've been seeing cats longer than we have for one thing, and you're certainly calmer and cooler around them than I am. And with the meanings behind your names..." Lori shrugged at him. "I don't know. I would say you do have a legacy to live up to here. Maybe you're supposed to lead us somewhere."

He squeezed her hand again, but this time closed his eyes in frustration. "I wish you wouldn't say that!" he said in angst. "I don't know where we're supposed to be going!"

She laughed and squeezed back. "Now you know how the rest of us feel! You'll know when the time is right. You'll know. You're better at reading the signs and interpreting what things mean. You've been right with everything you've surmised so far, haven't you?"

He nodded and she went on. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're not missing the signals, but rather that the messages just haven't come yet?"

Noel nodded, deep in thought. "Yes. Yes, I have thought that. But I feel as though you're all looking to me for direction and I have none to give."

Lori reached over and patted his hand with her free one, then gently slipped both out of his grasp. "You will when the time is right. I know you will. Just be patient, Noel – maybe we're not supposed to be doing anything right now. Maybe the cats just want us to assemble and wait."

Lori stood up and stretched her legs while Noel mulled that over and nodded. "Don't do anything – just be," he murmured.

She looked down at him and grinned. "You see? Only leaders say odd things like that."

Chapter 14

Lori's leg had fallen asleep during their conversation; she explained as much to Noel and took a quick tour around Jeret's apartment before coming to sit back down next to him. She felt honoured to have this time alone with him and secretly hoped Jeret would take his time coming back.

When she returned to the couch, she started the conversation with a question she'd been dying to ask since she'd met him.

"Noel, can I ask you something personal?"

He sat back, getting comfortable on the sofa next to her. "Ask away."

She hesitated, trying to think of a way to phrase it without offending. "You seem to live...differently...than a lot of us do. And I know you always tease me about being afraid...but don't you ever worry about where your next meal is going to come from or where you're going to live?"

He studied her face for a moment and then shook his head. "I don't worry, no. I used to, but I found it did me no good – in fact, it probably did me a lot of harm when I was young – so I stopped doing it."

Lori laughed. "Just like that? It's not that easy to just stop worrying."

He smiled back at her. "No, I agree. It took some discipline on my part and it also took some experience to see various results, but it gets easier, over time."

He leaned forward slightly and rested his hands on his leg. "One of the basic tenets I've learned to live by is that you create what you believe. Almost every major religion has some element of that in it. Do you remember me telling you that I believed in all religions to some degree?"

He looked to her for confirmation and she nodded.

"Well, if you observe your own behaviour – and those around you – and listen to the teachings of all the world's masters, there's that one element of truth: whatever you focus on is what you bring into your life. So if I worry about 'bad' stuff, I'm going to have bad stuff happen. If I focus on all the good opportunities that could come my way, they do."

Lori tilted her head sceptically. "Just like that?"

"Just like that," he confirmed. "When I worried about not having a place to sleep, I could never find one. When I got scared because I didn't have enough money for food, I went hungry. When I became frightened of losing a job, I lost it. And finally one day, a light dawned – every time I thought about negative things, negative things happened. So I started thinking about good things in my life and almost immediately, things turned around."

Lori looked dubiously at him. "I don't get that," she contradicted. "I've heard people say that before – that they won a horse show because they visualized winning first. They said they imagined picking up the ribbon and that's how they won. I've tried that before and I didn't win. When I won, it was because Piper and I put blood, sweat and tears into training."

Noel was listening attentively to her and waited patiently until she was finished.

"Well, let me ask you this," he began. "Did you believe you could win by visualizing? Or did you doubt the idea that something as simple as imagining it could actually produce those kinds of results?"

Lori recognized the truth when she heard it and answered honestly. "Well...I suppose I did doubt it."

Noel nodded. "There's visualizing, then there's what I like to call your Core Thought about something – what you really deep down believe. Because you can't fool yourself about something you know – or, should I say you think you know – in your heart isn't going to work. If your Core Thought about that horse show was that you have to wring out blood, sweat and tears in order to win then that's exactly what you produce."

He switched position, getting excited about the topic. "See, I believe everything we think, say and do is powerful, Lori. It's like having our own private genie in a bottle – except your genie – or God, or The Universe, if you prefer – takes everything you say literally. And your genie listens to your Core Thought. And when you combine your words with your Core Thought you are literally creating everything that is happening. Even me, sitting here right now with you, is because we both thought about having this conversation – even if it was on a subconscious level."

Lori shook her head. "Wait – you're going too fast. How can I be creating stuff if I'm not conscious of it?"

Noel laughed. "You do it all the time! Everything around you – everything that's happened in your life – has been created by you. But sometimes there's a delay between the thought and the creation, so you may not see the effects of your thought until much later – sometimes years later."

He paused, but Lori waited for him to say more so he continued. "Let me give you an example. When you and Cody got your house, what did you imagine? What did you think about – literally – when you were looking for a place?"

Lori looked up at a corner of the room, remembering. "Well...we said we wanted something with land, halfway between our families' homes. I was hoping for an indoor arena so I could work horses year-round and I got that. But I didn't say I wanted a log home."

"Did you specify what kind of house you did want?"

She shook her head. "No, not really – it was more about the land."

Noel was nodding at her, as though his point had been made. "You see? You created what you were thinking about – you focused on the land, and you created that."

"But that's too easy – everyone does that! You write down a list of the things you want and then you find the house that most closely resembles your needs. There's no magic to that, Noel."

He smiled at her. "It's not magic, I agree. But it is creating at its most fundamental level. But if you can do it there, why can't you do it to win the lottery? I'll tell you why – because your Core Thought about winning the lottery isn't the same as the one about finding a house that meets your desires. You, at your core, think it's impossible to win the lottery – or at least very difficult – so you block yourself without even knowing it. You think that finding a suitable house is something you can do and that's why it's easier to create in your reality."

Lori paused, again cocking her head in thought. "Maybe. But what about all those times that I've said I want something and I haven't gotten it? Even when I thought it was within my grasp?"

"Because The Universe takes your thoughts literally, remember? If you 'want' something, then your genie gives you 'wanting.' If you say 'I'd like a new coat' then your genie gives you the concept of liking a new coat. It's such a simple switch to changing that thought and creating it much quicker in your reality, but people don't realize it. They keep 'wanting' things and can't understand why they don't get it."

"So explain it to me. If I wanted a new coat, what should I say to create it?"

"There's lots of different things you can say, but I always find being grateful for what you do have helps. Remember what Tecumseh said? 'When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.' He understood, too. And the most powerful tool of all is something Jesus had down perfectly: 'I am.' Thoughts that start with those two words are amazingly creative. So, I would probably say something like, 'I am going to get a new coat in the next week.' Or better yet, 'I am grateful that a new coat is going to be given to me next week.' See, when you're specific, too, that helps in my experience."

"But what if you don't believe that?" Lori wondered. "What if I doubt that it's possible for a coat to just materialize out of thin air? You've already said if my Core Thought isn't the same as what I'm saying, it's not going to work."

Noel was nodding as she talked and jumped in immediately after she finished voicing her question. "Yes, you're right. If you doubt that you can make it happen, it won't happen because your mind is telling you 'impossible!' In situations like that, I always rely on a Higher Power to get me through. That's when I call on the Great Creator to make it manifest in my reality. If I doubt my own powers, I certainly don't doubt God's."

"So it's a question of faith then," Lori surmised.

Noel nodded. "For me, yes. Some people have an even harder time trusting an outside source, though, so it's whatever works for you – I've seen both methods work – it just depends on how strongly you believe. I can make some pretty big things happen now – or what others would call big. Like sending a cougar off by visualizing it," he added with a wink.

"But I didn't start with stuff like that," he continued. "I started with small things that were within my realm of the possible. When I saw them actually happen, my faith grew, both in myself and in God. I saw that we were working together and making really incredible things happen. So I would encourage you to experiment with it – just try to imagine certain things happening – keep them within the realm of what you would call possible – and see what happens. I guarantee you'll be amazed."

Lori bit her lip in thought, but she was excited about the prospect.

"There doesn't have to be religion involved," Noel continued. "In fact, sometimes there are certain ideas in a religion that get in the way, but it's whatever works for you – whatever you believe in. I, personally, believe there is a God – the ultimate creation machine – at work in my life but I've known atheists who have applied these basic principles and they've been successful, too. So I don't think the concept excludes anyone. But when I meditate I hear a voice sometimes that is much more in tune with all of life than what could come from me alone – I call that God."

Lori nodded. "I agree. I'm certainly not a fanatic when it comes to religion, but I see a higher source at work in my life, too. Sometimes," she added, thinking of Cody.

**********

It was a chilly morning and Noel was reluctant to get out from under the pile of covers on the couch in the barn loft. Lori had provided him with a space heater, but he hadn't wanted to keep it on all night – not only because of the electric he'd be using, but also because of the fire hazard being above the horses. It was only the thought of seeing Lori soon that convinced him to get out of bed and into the frigid air in the room; he hastily made his way to the heater, turning it on and standing in front of it for a few moments to absorb the heat.

Once it had started to warm the room, he made his way to the kitchen and fixed a cup of tea for himself from the stash he had left here back in September. He was looking forward to today with a great deal of joy. Lori had invited him to attend a horse auction with her – she said she planned to buy a couple of horses to train over the winter and sell at a profit in the spring. She had joked with him, saying she needed some positive thoughts to "create" a couple of decent horses at a cheap price today and asked if he would help her out. He had agreed, not only because he liked spending time with her, but also because he relished the opportunity to change her doubtful joking into a reality she could believe in.

They would be leaving early – Lori had been hitching up the horse trailer last night when he arrived, and explained to him that they would need to be on the road by 7:00 a.m. if they were going to be there for the start of the auction. It was 6:00 now and as he sipped his tea by the frosted upper window, he saw her making her way to the barn to feed the horses and get them turned out for the day while the humans were gone.

When the chores were done with his assistance, they climbed into Lori's truck and headed out on the road, Noel riding shotgun as she manoeuvred the truck and trailer along the country roads.

"Okay," he said when she was on an open stretch and could concentrate on him. "Let's talk about some 'I am' statements you could make today. What are you thinking about these two horses?"

She gave him a sideways grin from the driver's seat and pushed a swatch of her silver-and-black hair away from her eyes. "Okay, let me think. I am...I am...going to find two cheap horses at the auction today. How's that?"

"Well, think about it. If the universe is going to take that statement literally, what are you creating with what you've said?"

"That I'm going to find two cheap horses."

"Right. Does that mean you're going to buy them? Or just find them?" he asked, trying to lead her down the right path.

"Oh, right. I see what you mean." She stared intently at the road, deep in the process of creating. "Okay. I am going to purchase two inexpensive horses today that I can train."

Noel nodded. "Better. Now, remember, too, what I said about being grateful – acknowledging what you already have seems to help."

Lori drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, thinking some more. Finally, she shook her head. "I'm not sure about that one. How can you be grateful for something you don't have yet? That seems to go against my so-called Core Thoughts."

Noel smiled fondly at her. "No, don't lie to yourself. You can't find anything about this day to be grateful for?"

"Well, I get to spend time with you," she said, shocking him completely.

"I'm...uh...flattered," he stammered. "And I'm grateful for that, too. But there are things you can be grateful for within the process of today, too. You can say things like, 'I am grateful that I am going to an auction where the opportunity to buy cheap, trainable horses exists.'"

She smiled. "That's a mouthful. I don't think I'm going to remember that."

He chuckled along with her. "Okay, how about this: 'I am blessed to have the ways and means to purchase cheap, trainable horses today.'"

Lori nodded. "That's easier."

"Okay, now let's take it one step further," Noel said. "I think I mentioned to you earlier that it's not just your thoughts, but your words and actions that will help make something manifest in your life quickly. If you just think about something, but never act on it, it takes a lot longer to happen – if it happens at all."

He turned to face her better on the truck seat. "So you've been thinking about it for awhile and now we're talking about it, so let's go the last step and do something about it."

Lori frowned in puzzlement. "Aren't we doing something about it by driving to the auction with a horse trailer?"

Noel nodded. "Yes, absolutely – we are acting as though the results are a given by bringing the trailer and that's a very important part. But we can also visualize now about how it would feel to buy those two horses. You see, feeling a certain way helps the mind accept it as part of your reality. So, how will you feel when you buy those two horses?"

She grinned broadly and he could see she was enjoying the entire conversation. "I would feel excited about it, getting the chance to work with new horses and watch them turn from pushy, heavy, scared animals into willing partners."

"Almost there," he answered. "But lose the 'I would' – change it to 'I feel.'"

She sighed, thinking about the switch. "Okay. I feel...excited...about bringing two new horses home to train." She flicked a quick glance at him then looked back at the road. "But isn't that assuming too much, Noel? Isn't that going against the Core Thought again?"

"No, not if you combine it with your 'I am' statement. So, first: 'I am blessed to have the ways and means to purchase cheap, trainable horses today.' And then: 'And because I will purchase them, I feel excited about bringing them home to train.'"

He held up a finger in admonition. "But remember, Lori – always first that you have the ways and means to purchase them. That's a statement you can definitely believe in – that's an easy Core Thought for you. Always go back to that if you think your 'I feel' statement is beyond your grasp."

She actually made a sound almost like a giggle as she leaned back in the seat. "This is fun!" she laughed. "I can't wait to get there and see my new horses!"

He laughed, then made her repeat the statements several more times until he could see a glow in her eyes. That told him all he needed to know about her willingness to believe and her ability to make it happen.

**********

When they got to the auction grounds, the place was already buzzing with activity. There were horses and ponies everywhere – not to mention tack and wagons and horse trailers lined up in rows, waiting for their turn on the auction block. Noel looked around him in amazement, feeling the excitement and anticipation of the other participants thrum up through his feet and into his bones.

Lori went to the registration office and picked up her number, still muttering her new-found mantra under her breath. She had explained that she had gone to lots of these with Cody and had picked up a lot of good tips from him on how and when to "shop" the horses and when to take a seat. She had a catalogue with her, discreetly earmarked to the horses she was interested in.

She came back to him with her registration number tucked between her lips and flipped through the catalogue, finding the first horse she was interested in.

"Number five on the day," she murmured. "We'll have to take a peek at this mare quickly before the bidding starts, Noel. Do you mind going with me to the warm-up ring? I have a feeling she'll already be there."

Through the day, Noel was able to see Lori shine – she was in her element, confident and capable, and determined to get good prices on her picks. She was given the opportunity to ride the number five mare but dismounted with a disappointed shake of the head and said to Noel as she was walking towards him, "no I don't think so." However, a few minutes later she murmured to him, "I'm definitely keeping my eye on her – if the bidding doesn't get too out of control, I'll try for her."

He made her say their designed "I am" statements before the horses she was interested in and when she didn't win the mare, Noel reminded her that the statement said she was going to purchase two inexpensive trainable horses. Either Lori believed the mare was too expensive...or The Universe knew that mare was "untrainable." Lori laughed at that and assured Noel that no mare was untrainable – but she did admit the price had gone too high.

They went to view a stunning dapple grey thoroughbred after lunch and Lori couldn't keep the glow from her eyes after seeing the gelding. "Okay, I want him," she said softly in Noel's ear, "and I know 'wanting' is the wrong thing to say...so help me!"

"Then say, 'this is one of the horses God is giving me today.'" He looked at her, assessing her reaction. "Believable?"

"That's a pretty nice present...but yeah, it's believable."

"Well, if anyone is generous enough to give horses to people, it's God, I would think," Noel quipped light-heartedly.

Lori laughed back at him. "Too true."

She got the gelding for a ridiculously-low price; Lori explained to Noel afterwards that most of the people in this crowd were looking for kids' ponies, trail horses or farm horses – a long-legged, trim thoroughbred would be more suited for Shannon's clientele – or maybe even Curtis Fanshaw. With that calculating statement, Noel realized just how shrewd Lori was when it came to planning ahead.

They missed out on another gelding Lori had been interested in – the price climbed dramatically high within a few bids and she declined the offer to go any higher with a pass of her hand.

"That wasn't the other horse then," Noel commented when the horse was led out of the ring. He could see that one had rattled Lori a bit; she had been certain the gelding was hers.

"Don't get discouraged, Lori," he cautioned when he saw her shoulders slump a fraction of an inch. "Keep your vision in mind, but don't get tied to expectations on one particular horse. Remember what I said about the mare – you are going to get two horses today – don't be so busy looking at the wrong horse that you miss the right one."

She nodded and bit her lip. "I'm glad you're here," she said, tugging on his jacket sleeve. "This is hard work!"

He chuckled and took the catalogue from her. "What's next?"

"Well, after that last horse, I'm not sure if I should even look at this one, but...." She leaned in close to him to see the catalogue on his lap and he got a soft whiff of her hair. He subtly closed his eyes and sent up his own statement of gratitude while she paged through the brochure.

"Here, this one," she said for only his ears to hear. "She's gorgeous – I saw her earlier when we were looking around. But she's short, stocky and the perfect size for western pleasure, reining, or kids events. Plus, I think she'd be an excellent 'gamer' – doing barrels, keyhole, pole-bending – that kind of stuff. Her bloodlines are excellent and she's still young. I think she's going to go for a lot of money."

"Hey," Noel said with a slight edge to his voice. "Don't talk yourself out of it. What you believe you create."

He could see she wasn't confident again and in a moment of inspiration, grabbed her arm and stood up.

"What are you doing?" she asked in confusion, standing up next to him.

"C'mon," he insisted. "Let's go see the mare – you need to find your motivation again."

Lori trailed along next to him, not seeming to mind that he still had hold of her wrist, but he didn't know where he was going and so asked her to lead the way.

She brought him to the holding pen where the mare was kept and he guided her up to the gate. He stood directly behind her, close enough to feel her heat against his chest.

"Now, think," Noel directed in her left ear. "How are you going to start her training?"

Lori answered automatically. "Roundpen, of course – they all get started in the roundpen."

"And how do you think she'll respond to that?"

"Well, looking at her calm eye, I think she would probably – "

"Ah-ah," Noel corrected her. "She is going to be..."

He felt Lori take a deep breath and start again. "She is going to be quiet – not like Curtis' colt. I'll be able to get her turning in to me on the first session and desensitizing will be easier with her, too."

"Good," he said, daring to put a hand on her shoulder and give her a soft squeeze of encouragement. "And when will you start riding her?"

Lori looked at the mare for a few moments, considering. "She should probably – I mean, she is going to be ready for a saddle by the start of the second week."

"And will you groom her every day?"

"Yes, all the horses get groomed daily."

"And what will that feel like? Imagine what brushes you'll use on her, where her ticklish spots are. Is her skin sensitive or is she dull? She's got a long, full mane – how will that feel when you run your fingers through it? How will she give her foot to you when you try to pick her hooves?"

Noel continued on, bringing the experience to life for Lori, knowing that if she could do those things – even in her imagination – it would help her to create it. When he felt the shift in her from bleak hopelessness to possibility, he asked her to go one more place with him.

He took her by the hand this time and led her back to the grey gelding. Again, he parked her in front of the pen gate and stood behind her.

"Look at him, Lori – really look at him. He is yours. You created the experience whereby you own him. You did this!" he encouraged, shaking her lightly by the shoulders. "So don't tell me you can't buy the bay mare – you've already proven that you can!"

**********

Lori felt nauseous as the bay mare was ridden into the ring – she wasn't sure if it was from excitement, adrenaline, or fear. Noel's pep talk had her believing this was within the realm of possibility, but there was still that niggling fear in the back of her mind that said this horse was beyond her reach. Knowing that such thoughts were lethal to her dream, she kept pushing them away, envisioning instead the mare in her barn, nosing up to the grey or trotting circles around her on the lunge line.

She took a deep breath as the auctioneer finished his description of the mare's features, blowing it out in a huge exhale as he opened the bidding. It was high, of course, but nobody agreed to the opening suggestion and she waited until a few other people had begun at a more reasonable bid before jumping into the competition herself.

She tried to ignore the horse's flawless gait as it trotted around the ring, back and forth in front of her, the rider steering the mare with some difficulty towards the multitude of people hanging near the rails. That was a good sign to Lori – the less control the rider had over the horse, the better. It would discourage people from bidding on the horse if they thought she was a handful.

The bid had jumped another hundred dollars and the auctioneer's helper in front of Lori pointed her way. Would she offer another hundred? She nodded, making eye contact with the helper then looked again at the horse. She did another quick scan of the mare's legs; she didn't seem to be making any missteps, her head wasn't bobbing up and down – another sign of lameness issues or chronic pain – and she had a nice heel-toe landing in the sand of the ring. All that reassured Lori that this was a good prospect, but some of the people she was bidding against would also know this was a find and would keep bidding.

Two other people shouted out bids and suddenly the assistant was checking to see if she'd go up another $200 from her last offer. She nodded, reluctantly, knowing she'd only have a few more offers in her before the mare would be out of reach. She could feel Noel next to her and reminded herself to keep breathing. Her heart was pounding like mad and she could feel fear starting to inch up her spine as the auctioneer continued his loud, steady drone of numbers in the enclosed space.

All eyes were on her as the bidding came back to her – another hundred; would she accept? Things were escalating too quickly and Lori forced herself to calm down. She could feel the blood pounding in her temples and the fear snaking a few more inches up her vertebrae as they reached nearer to her threshold.

"Half," she called to the auctioneer's helper. Maybe by jumping $50 instead of $100 she would slow down the bidding.

Two of the other bidders dropped out at that point and Lori realized she was bidding against one other man across the arena. She knew him by sight – he'd been to many of these auctions and had deep pockets, bringing home strings of "ponies" to resell off his farm. He jumped it a full $150 and Lori closed her eyes briefly, deflated. When she opened them Noel was looking at her.

"You can make this happen," he said quietly as the auctioneer continued to babble on.

She gave a small nod to Noel and a larger one to the helper, confirming the bid of another hundred dollars. This was it; she might have one more bid in her, but then she'd have to let the mare go.

The auctioneer had his attention focused on her rival across the ring and Lori felt panic settle in as she saw the mare slipping out of her grasp. In reflex, she clenched her fingers around the mangled catalogue in her lap and sent up a silent prayer. Help me, she breathed.

She heard her competition up the bid by another $50 and all eyes came back to her. This was it, she knew – she would agree to $50 more and then she'd have to stop. Lori closed her eyes for a split second and envisioned the auctioneer saying "Sold! To the lady holding number 57!" When she opened them she nodded to the assistant and claimed the bid one final time, letting out a huge exhale of air as she did so.

And then a miracle happened. Somebody in the stands to her right stood up in order to leave the arena and began shaking out a bright white blanket they'd been sitting on. The mare, who was being guided with more and more difficulty around the ring, balked in dramatic fashion when the blanket started flapping and soon she was doing a mini impression of a bucking bronco around the ring.

Members of the crowd who were close to the horse gasped in shock, standing up and trying to get away from the bellowing horse as the mare bucked in blind fear. The rider managed to stay on for the first few leaps around the arena, but then the horse began kicking out with her back legs, as well, and on one unexpected change of direction, sent the hapless passenger sailing across the arena.

More cries of alarm and gasps came from the crowd and a thrill of fear went through the assembly as the very real danger of the mare climbing through the stands took hold. Mercifully, in the nick of time, one of the auctioneer's helpers managed to grab hold of a trailing rein and bring the mare under control again. When others saw that, they sprang to action, checking on the rider who was standing and spitting dirt. Soon everyone was settled again and those nearest to the action resumed their seats.

The mare was blowing hard through her nostrils, clearly still frightened and seeking some reassurance that the blanket wasn't going to eat her. The rider came over and patted the mare, saying a few soft words of comfort, but declined to get back on. Instead, the auction resumed with a quieter auctioneer directing his attention to Lori's rival and a keyed-up, sweaty horse being led around the arena. She was prancing, flipping her head in irritation, jumping away from her handler and generally looking unmanageable. Lori firmly suppressed a smile.

She knew the mare's behaviour would easily be rectified by a few days of desensitizing and training; she also knew that the man bidding against her wouldn't want to put in that kind of time or training. He focused on quick turn-around times with the horses he purchased.

It came as no surprise to her, then, when he declined to jump even another $25 and after scanning the crowd and calling once...twice...the auctioneer banged down his gavel and did say, "Sold to number 57!"

In her joy, Lori realized that she had jumped to her feet and Noel was standing beside her, as well.

"She's mine!" she bubbled over with delight, sending a beaming smile at Noel.

"You did it!" he celebrated with her. Then he opened his arms and she practically bounded into them with happiness.

**********

They lingered at the outdoor arena gate for awhile as the sun was getting lower on the horizon, watching the bay mare and grey gelding settle into their new surroundings.

"I guess I should get the others in from their pastures before it gets dark," Lori said but she remained at the fence rail, not willing to let this happiness be replaced with the boring routine of chores.

Bear had come over to roll around at Noel's feet and he squatted down to comply with the demands for a belly rub. The fringe on his jacket was too much for the brown tabby to resist, though, and the tom alternated between batting at it and rolling over for more caresses.

Lori watched them silently, feeling that utter sense of contentment that washed over her whenever Noel was around. She wasn't sure when she would see him again; she thought it best to savour the moment.

"Thanks for coming along today, Noel. And for the pep talk," she added with a grin. "I couldn't have done it without you."

He looked up at her and smiled back. "Of course you could. And now that you have some of the techniques down, you'll be able to do it a lot more without coaching."

She looked back at the mare and gelding who were nosing around the arena, checking out all the new scents, and shrugged one shoulder. "I'm just happy with everything that I've got on the property right now. I love my two horses, I've got two clients' horses that are earning me money and I found two great horses today that should bring a fair bit of money when I sell them in a few months."

Noel gave Bear a final scratch behind the ears and stood up, moving to stand next to Lori at the fence again.

She turned to look at him, leaning against the rail as she did so. "You know, Noel...I think that's the first time I've been able to say that I was truly happy since Cody died." She shook her head, thinking back on the past four months. "It's been such a struggle."

He cocked his head, studying her, and the brim of his hat hid one eye from her view. "Well, if you can...take something from that, Lori. What you created today you can create every day. It doesn't have to be a struggle unless you view it that way. Remember, if you think that it's hard and you say that it's hard, you're going to make it hard."

"Well, I'm sorry...but losing a spouse is never easy. You can think and say differently, but it's not."

Noel reached out and pulled a splinter off the rail, fiddling with it as he said his next words. "You've been around enough animals, I'm sure, to know that they mourn their mates or friends, too. But they don't dwell on it – that's the important difference. They acknowledge the loss – and I agree, it is painful to feel that absence – but they get over it much more quickly than most humans do."

Lori cleared her throat. "Why is that, do you think?"

Noel looked at her and gave her a gentle smile. "Maybe because they know death isn't permanent. Maybe because they can see – or feel – the presence of their companion when we can't. Maybe because they're too ignorant as animals to carry those memories for longer than a few days."

Noel flicked the splinter into the grass near where he was standing. "Take your pick," he said. "Why did you eventually stop grieving?"

Lori guarded her expression, not wanting to get emotional now. She looked down, though, knowing exactly why she did. "Because I realized it wouldn't bring him back," she said softly, suppressing the tears. "I realized it was...pointless."

"Mmm," Noel confirmed. "Well, maybe animals just know that a lot better than we do."

Chapter 15

Perhaps it was because Lori and Noel had such a poignant discussion about Cody and grieving that she remembered the night before he died. Perhaps it was because the kittens were demonstrating the same odd behaviour several days after the auction. For late October the weather had been unseasonably warm and Lori had taken advantage of the fresh air to work Rick's mare in the outdoor arena before saddling up Piper and going for their much-anticipated rides around the property. She planned to do them as long as she could, knowing that when the winter hit in full force the snow would be too deep to ask the Quarter Horse to struggle walking through the drifts.

With two more horses on the property now, Lori was discovering her days were tremendously full; between the cleaning of stalls and the training, she was now finding it difficult to cram everything into the shortening daylight hours so she ate a granola bar at breakfast between stall-mucking, grabbed a sandwich at lunch between training sessions and then would work straight through until the sun went down, only then coming into the house and fixing a quick supper of macaroni-and-cheese, scrambled eggs, or soup.

Tonight, she practically crawled her way up the back stairs and into the house, deciding she was too exhausted to do more than pop a frozen dinner into the microwave. She noticed it immediately: the kittens wouldn't leave her alone. While they had certainly been more protective of her since Cody died and spent their nights on the bed with her, rarely did they cling to her feet as she walked to the kitchen like they did this evening. And when she sat down on the couch, stirring her pre-fab spaghetti and meatballs, they both lied down next to her on the sofa, their small furry bodies each pressed to a hip.

"Okay, you two," she stated, looking down at them in bemusement, "You're freaking me out."

Leia gave her a quiet look, full of concern, and stretched out a paw to gently place on her thigh. That gesture triggered a host of memories for Lori – Luke had done the same thing the night before Cody died. She remembered him placing his paw across her lips – the oddity of the gesture was burned into her memory to rekindle five months later. For the other kitten to be doing it now raised all the hair on the back of her neck and Lori gingerly placed her supper on the coffee table in front of her then extricated herself from the kittens and went to the phone.

When they followed her, looking up at her with intelligent eyes as she lifted the receiver, she swallowed thickly and dialled Jeret's number.

He answered with that reassuring deep voice and she let out her breath with a rush.

"Hi Jeret," she said with relief. "Is Noel there?"

"He is, yeah," Jeret affirmed. "But he's in the shower right now. Can I have him call you back? Or is it something I can pass along to him? He should only be a few more minutes."

"Oh...well...I just had something strange happen and I'm a little weirded out. The kittens are acting very bizarre. Anything happening at the zoo with the cats there?"

"No – nothing odder than what's been happening recently, anyway. Your Min is still only eating enough to get by and a lot of the tigers, lions and leopards are pacing more than usual, but they've been doing that for months. Why? What are the kittens doing?"

"Well, they won't leave me alone tonight – they're, like, glued to me. And I had forgotten this until just now but they acted the same way the night before Cody died. I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay."

"Hmm," Jeret responded. "That sounds a little ominous. Let me see if I can hurry Noel along."

She heard Jeret put down the phone and then his footsteps retreated, the steady pad of his feet echoed a few moments later by his knocking on the bathroom door. A brief, unwanted, and appallingly intimate image of Noel in the shower flashed before Lori's eyes while she waited and she shook her head in embarrassment. She was not attracted to the man that way. And besides, Cody had only been gone five months – what was wrong with her?

She heard Jeret's deep murmur as he filled Noel in on their conversation, then more footsteps sounded as Noel came to the phone.

"Hi Lori," he started. "Jeret's told me about the kittens. Is everything okay there?"

"Here, yes," she answered. "I'm just worried about you guys – the last time this happened it was when Cody died. I know it sounds crazy, but do you think they were trying to warn me?"

"Well, I'll tell you...I'm beginning to think anything's possible at this stage. From what I've observed, the domesticated cats I've been in contact with seem to be...helping, for lack of a better word...their human partners. There's been proof for many years now that cats help lower blood pressure in humans because the feel of their fur and the stroking motion of petting them settle people's heart rates down. If we take that to a higher level, maybe they're helping us in other ways we're just too blind to see."

Lori paused to let that sink in then said quietly into the receiver. "Noel, it's scaring me. I can't handle it if someone else dies."

He was quiet for a moment, too, but then said with a profound gentleness, "Lori, it will be okay. Whatever happens...you're strong enough to endure it. I may not have known you very long, but your ability to survive is plain to see. No matter what...you'll be okay."

She bit her lip, looking furtively around the room as though some unknown attacker was lurking in the corners.

"I wish you guys were here," she said plaintively.

"Listen, they might just be trying to comfort you. There's no sense in worrying about the unknown – it won't do any good. I'll call Lynta tonight and make sure she's okay, too, and then first thing tomorrow morning, I'll give you another ring and we can make sure everybody's alright. How does that sound?"

"Okay, I guess. I still wish you were here."

"I wish I was, too. Do me a favour and write down what they're doing tonight, okay? You have that journal I told you to start?"

"Yes – it's by my nightstand. I write in it every night before bed – even if it's just to say everything's normal."

"Okay. Put down how they're acting and I'll call you early tomorrow, alright?"

"Alright."

When Lori replaced the receiver she felt as though a last, remaining lifeline was being snapped out of her hands.

**********

Noel's warm, fuzzy, morning voice came to her through the phone as the sun was rising the next morning and Lori closed her eyes with profound gratitude.

"Hey, you," she said, trying to hug him with words.

"Good morning, Starshine," he said with a chuckle. "Well, we all made it through the night – I've just talked to Lynta, as well."

"Oh, good. And nothing out of the ordinary with any of you?"

"No," he answered. "Which has me a little worried."

"What? Why?"

He sighed softly. "You be careful today, Lori. Alright? Are you training horses this afternoon?"

"Yes, of course. There's no rest for the wicked, you know."

His voice got a little firmer as he ignored her teasing. "Take your cell phone with you and don't do anything silly. Don't put yourself at risk. You're all alone out there, you know."

She sobered at the reminder. "Yes, I know. I'll be careful."

"Okay. I should get going – I'm helping Jeret at the zoo today. I'll call you again tonight and see how everything's going, if you want me to?"

"Yes, please." She hesitated, drawing breath but not sure how to say what needed to be said. "Noel...in case something does happen today...I just want you to know I really like you guys a lot. I feel like we've all known each other for years and...you've become super important to me."

"I feel the same – we all do." She heard the awkward catch in his voice but then he gave a small laugh. "Okay, we're getting maudlin here. Let's get on with our day – we'll be alright."

**********

The roundpenning with the two horses from auction worked like textbook cases and Lori had them turning into her within a matter of minutes; she worked with each for an hour and felt so confident after desensitizing both that she decided to tackle Curtis Fanshaw's psycho colt after grabbing a quick drink.

She turned the rangy chestnut stallion loose in the roundpen and prepared for a battle, but was pleasantly surprised to get his cooperation almost immediately.

"You mean you actually remember something from yesterday?" she asked with sarcasm as the big colt cantered the circle around her. He flicked an ear her way in acknowledgement then dug in deep with his hindquarters, running for the sheer pleasure of running.

"Let's see if you're ready for this then," she said, as she stopped walking a circle around him and instead stood in the center of the ring, completely motionless.

Her intention was to eventually have the colt read her cues so well that he continued with the last direction he was given until she gave another one. Most horses stopped at first, confused by her lack of driving pressure in the form of walking and pointing, and came in to her. The stallion was no different than the others and when she stood still, with her head lowered, she heard him turn off the fence, break his gait and come trotting in towards her.

"Ah-ah," she corrected, standing up straight, pointing in the direction she wanted him to continue and swinging the stick in a big circle.

The stallion knew that cue all too well and snorted in surprise as he veered off and continued to canter around her once again. Lori resumed her stationary position in the center of the roundpen and the colt continued cantering until he got around behind her. Then his uncertainty caught up to him once again and he turned off the fence, again trying to trot up to her. She corrected him a second time and he headed out to the perimeter, picking up the three-beat gait with ease.

The third time he got it and continued cantering around her as she remained immobile in the center, her head down and leg cocked. She let him go fully around her twice, then stepped back, drew him off the fence with body language and sent him off in the opposite direction. By then, he comprehended what she wanted and stayed in a canter until she did call him into the circle by catching his eye, turning away from him, and waggling her finger at him from behind her back.

He came trotting up, huffing and puffing from the exercise and she rubbed him all over his face in reward. Lori haltered him up again and did some desensitizing with the leadrope, stick and string on both sides; she noted that he was still fairly ticklish around his back legs – she would have to concentrate on that in the coming weeks. When she noticed he was still trying to catch his breath after that had all been finished, she took advantage of his desire to stand still by tying him to a specially designed ring that would slowly release him if he pulled back.

They were a great invention, teaching the horse to stand still when frightened. Tie rings worked because they allowed the horse to move away from the fence, where they felt trapped under normal circumstances. Unlike traditional cross-ties or hitching posts, tie rings paid out the leadrope gradually so the horse never "hit" the end of the rope harshly, creating more of a fight as they tried to escape. Eventually they learned that scary things could be easily avoided by taking a step or two back; when Lori deliberately tried to scare them while standing tied they soon realized it was easier to just stand still and relax while the crazy human ran at them.

As she had anticipated, Curtis' colt was highly over-reactive and pulled back dramatically the first time she ran up to him with hands waving. He backed away from her about ten feet while she stood near the fence, flapping her arms, then stopped and lowered his head when he realized she wasn't going to kill him. When he did stand still and relax, she immediately stopped her active body language and went to passive, walking casually up to him, caressing his face and murmuring that he was a good boy.

She led him back up to the fence again, drew in the rope that he had pulled out through the ring, and walked away. The second time she ran up to him with arms waving, he only pulled back about five feet.

Again and again Lori tried to scare him, until eventually she was the one huffing and puffing from running, jumping and leaping towards the horse and he was the one standing still and looking bored. She praised him up and down, took him off the tie ring and led him out of the roundpen.

It all happened so fast that afterwards, Lori still couldn't articulate fully what went wrong. She remembered hearing the roundpen gate clang loudly behind them as they were leaving and the colt spooking at the sound by running forwards, pulling the leadrope out of her grasp. He took off across the indoor arena, bucking and kicking as the 14-foot rope started to wrap around his churning legs and soon one hind hoof had gotten tightly caught in a knot created by his tornado-like movements.

Effectively unwittingly hobbling himself, the colt crashed to the ground like a tranquilized rhino and Lori ran towards him without a thought to her own safety.

"Oh, no!" she cried as the stallion slid along the arena floor, feet flailing, then hit his head hard on the ground with a grunt, and went still. Lori panicked, terrible thoughts filling her mind of having to tell Curtis Fanshaw his horse had died at her barn.

She ran towards the colt, dropping to his side with a sob as the horse remained motionless in the dirt of the arena. She slid a hand down his exposed front leg, making sure he hadn't broken a bone then looked to his rear leg and saw the knot wrapped tightly around the fetlock. The rope was stretched taut from his halter to his hind foot. Instinctively, Lori leaned over the colt to free his leg and had worked the rope almost completely loose when the colt regained his senses and starting thrashing.

Lori tripped as she tried to push away from his heaving bulk and fell headlong across the horse's belly. She got her hands under her a second time and was trying to pull the rope free and get away at the same time. She felt a brief moment of impact, where the chestnut's churning feet and her hands collided, and then she snaked the rope down and away from the rear hoof and the colt was free.

He stood up immediately, shaking in shock, and she came up to him, cautiously.

Easy, boy," she murmured. "Easy." She smoothed her hands tenderly over his face then down his neck, feeling for any signs of swelling, cuts or heat. He was breathing hard but that was to be expected after his ordeal; Lori didn't think he'd injured himself too badly.

She was shaking, too, as she ran her hands down his neck, then shoulders and front legs. There was a slight aching in her right hand that seemed to be getting worse as her adrenaline wore off but she ignored it and kept going with her inspection. When she attempted to lift the colt's foot, though, and check for any bruising on the hoof, there was a sharp, stabbing pain on the side of her hand and she dropped the colt's leg with a gasp.

Lori looked down at her right hand and was startled to see her pinkie finger sticking out at a strange angle. She sucked in her breath, fearing that the colt had dislocated it when he was kicking. Lori bit her lip hard, pushing past the pain, as she felt down the length of the right hand with her left one, trying to figure out a way to push the finger back into place. She couldn't seem to do it, though, and the pain wasn't going away. She decided to ignore it for the present and get the colt stabilized first.

"Cowboy up, Pate," she said to herself and grabbed the colt's leg again. This time she was prepared for the pain and cradled the hoof gently with her left hand instead. She checked all four feet and continued rubbing on the colt while she walked with him until they both settled down.

When she took the colt back to the outdoor ring so that he could get some turn-out time, Lori reached up to untie his rope halter and another searing streak of agony pierced her right hand.

"Ahh!" she exclaimed in surprised hurt. She looked down at the hand again and saw that her finger was starting to turn blue and the hand was swelling. He had really done a number on it; she would probably have to go to the hospital and have a doctor put it back into place for her.

It took all her courage to reach up again and force the tail end of the rope out through the knot. The resistance of the stiff rope was agony on her tender hand; she clenched her teeth and with exaggerated care pulled the halter off the horse. He trotted off to roll, obviously no worse for wear.

Lori gingerly set the halter back on its hook outside of the arena; it was there that the events and pain of her hand caught up with her and she knelt down in the grass and let a few tears escape. It hurt – a lot – and there was no hope of it improving on its own. She didn't want to go to the doctor, but she was having difficulty bending the hand now and she knew if they didn't put the finger back in place she wouldn't be able to do chores tomorrow morning.

A brief wave of helplessness washed over Lori and she remained in the grass, debating whether or not she should succumb to the self-pitying tears that were threatening to fall or not. While she was there, she heard Bear meowing to her and looked over to see him making his way across the backyard. He came up to her, respecting her injured hand and placed one paw on her knee. He looked directly into her eyes and cocked his head, looking for all the world as though he were examining her.

She laughed shakily at his expression and sniffed away the tears. "Yeah, I'm okay," she said defiantly. "Just let me be a sucky-baby for one minute, will you?"

Bear hopped down from her knee and slid his body along her good hand in comfort and reassurance. She absent-mindedly stroked him with her left hand and thought about what to do. She'd have to take the Outback – there wasn't enough gas in the truck to make it to the hospital – and that was a manual transmission car. Lori grimaced as she thought about driving a stick shift with her hand in the condition it was.

The horses were okay to stay out for awhile – they could graze on the late fall grass until she got back tonight – and the kittens had a steady supply of kibble so she didn't need to feed anyone. She'd have to wrap the hand, though – each little movement was starting to jar it, causing it to throb.

She gave Bear a final pat in farewell and stood up, heading straight for the house and medicine cabinet. The kittens were all over her again as soon as she went inside the door and Lori shook her head in irony.

"Is that what you were trying to tell me last night?" she demanded.

The two skittered across the ceramic floor, heading for the bathroom in escort.

Lori grabbed a tensor bandage and a couple of safety pins, awkwardly wrapping her dominant hand to the best of her abilities and sticking the pins in at haphazard angles. Her hand felt immediately better with the support and protection of the bandage and she straightened up and took a look at herself in the mirror.

She had a streak of dirt down one cheek that she tried to wipe away with a washcloth in her ungainly left hand; and her silver-patched hair was a mess so she tried to flatten that down but gave it up and opted for a cowboy hat instead. She grabbed her purse, stuffed her cell phone into her pocket, switched her cowboy boots for runners and then got in the Outback.

It took eons to put the car in reverse with her injured hand but Lori eventually got the car out on the road and breathed a sigh of relief when she finally reached fifth gear and didn't have to shift anymore.

She made her way to Simcoe, the nearest town with a hospital, groaning with every stoplight she hit. When she finally got to emergency, she parked and switched the engine off with relief. She'd made it.

**********

The outright fear didn't set in until the doctor showed her the x-ray. The finger was not dislocated, as she had first thought. Instead, her hand was broken. Apparently, the colt's hoof had collided with the side of her hand, causing a break that had since been forced open further with all of her movements, thereby pushing her pinkie finger out at an awkward angle.

She heard him, with a hollow panic that soon switched to nausea, say that he'd have to inject the hand with a freezing agent and then reset the bone. Her hand was broken? And he had to pull it into place to set it? Lori had heard enough horror stories about this kind of thing to feel weak in the knees – she was dubious about her abilities to handle it well.

She swallowed thickly and sat back down on the examining table in the emergency room. She badly wanted somebody there to distract her – why hadn't she thought to call Shannon before she drove away?

Cursing herself silently, she watched the series of attendants come in with the doctor, readying a syringe, bandages and implements with a cold business-like quality that unnerved her even more.

"Okay – needle going in now," one of them cautioned as they shot her hand full of a local anaesthesia.

Lori looked away and concentrated on her breathing as she felt the syringe go in, but then there was a moment's respite as the numbness started.

"I'll be back in a bit to reset it," the doctor told her. "I'm just going to let that get good and numb."

Lori nodded and lay back on the table mutely.

In fact, she didn't feel anything when he reset it and wrapped the hand in a plaster cast. She was blissfully pain-free for several hours actually, but the weight of the cast was tremendous and it extended so far down her hand that only her fingertips were showing. Lori sighed impatiently; the cast was going to present a problem while driving – she'd have to call Shannon and ask for help.

"Hey, lady," she greeted her. "Could I ask a big favour of you?"

"Shoot," Shannon answered readily.

"I need you to come to Simcoe and bring me home from the hospital."

"What?!"

"Yeah," Lori sighed. "Curtis' colt broke my hand this afternoon. I'm okay, but I can't drive my Outback home – I've got a big, bulky cast on from my fingers to my elbow and I can't shift gears. Could Mark maybe drop you off and then pick you up at my place when we get home?"

"We'll be there as soon as we can," Shannon promised.

**********

It was late by the time they got home and Shannon insisted on helping Lori retrieve the horses from the pasture in the dark. It soon became obvious to Lori that she was going to have difficulty – she couldn't use her right hand at all and the plaster cast weighed a ton, so the most she could do was lead the gentler horses back to their stalls after Shannon had caught them and got them haltered.

She feebly attempted to open hay bales and sort flakes into wheelbarrows but even that was beyond her. Shannon took over with a sound of disgust when she saw Lori trying to balance the wheelbarrow handle on her cast and pushed her out of the way.

"Let me do it – you're going to break it again if you keep messing around," she said good-naturedly.

Lori watched the petite horsewoman make the rounds efficiently, tossing the flakes with a practiced ease over the stall doors.

"I hate to ask, but we'll have to get the stallion from the outdoor arena to the indoor and give him some flakes, too. He hasn't been able to graze all afternoon."

"No problem and don't 'hate to ask,' Lori – you'd do the same for me if the tables were turned."

When they got into the house, Mark was there, waiting to take Shannon home. The three of them debated for awhile, however, what the best course of action was in light of Lori's injury.

"Lori, I just saw how you struggled with everything," Shannon pointed out. "There's no way on earth you're going to be able to turn those horses out tomorrow on your own. You're not feeling bad now, but remember that you've still got freezing in your hand and you're loaded up on painkillers. Tomorrow is going to be a different story."

"Shannon, you've got your own horses to take care of. I'll manage somehow. I will," she added when Shannon shot her a highly-doubtful look.

Mark stepped in at that point and offered to bring Shannon back early the following morning as a compromise. The two were just about to start the debate on that suggestion when he stopped them by pointing at Lori's phone. "Before we start the second round, were you expecting a call? That thing is flashing like a Christmas tree."

"No, I don't think so," Lori said, walking over to the phone. "My parents usually call tomorrow night and –" She stopped abruptly, remembering. "Oh, my gosh – I was supposed to call Noel back. He'll be wondering where I am."

She reached for the phone, accessed her voicemail and listened with regret as the series of phone messages from Noel began with an optimistic query and progressed to out-and-out demands for her to call him immediately and let him know she was okay. By the end, he was almost as anxious as she usually was – she could hear the mix of worry and fear in his voice – and she disconnected with disappointment in herself.

She was just beginning to dial Jeret's number when Shannon saw the headlights coming up the driveway.

"I think you can hang up," she said, almost sounding smug. "Somebody's here."

When Noel's truck pulled into view from the porch lights, Lori set down the phone. She met him before he even got off the driveway.

**********

He wanted desperately to crush her to him, but he had seen the cast and wasn't sure if she was injured elsewhere. Instead, he settled for a deep, long hug, drinking in the scent of her as he held her, confirming with his innate sixth sense that she was still whole.

"Are you okay?" he whispered anyway, still holding her against him in protection from unseen forces.

He felt her nod against his hair and he squeezed her lightly before letting go and taking a step back to look her over.

"I'm sorry I didn't call," she was saying. "I got kicked by one of the horses and my hand was hurting pretty badly – I thought I'd dislocated my finger and went to the hospital to have them put it back into place. But it turned out to be a broken hand and I was there longer than I thought and then I had to wait for Shannon to come get me and when we got here we had to get the horses in and fed and..."

She broke off with a shy smile, realizing that she was running away at the mouth. He smiled back at her, so terribly relieved that she was okay. He wanted to pull her to him and plant a kiss right between those amazing grey-green eyes, but instead he simply reached out a hand and cupped her left elbow in sympathy.

"You had me worried," he said softly, aware that Shannon and Mark were coming out to the porch. "And yes, I'm aware of the irony of that after all I've told you about not being worried of things."

She smiled at him and winked. "Will you come into the house, now that you're here?"

"Yes," he answered with absolute certainty.

He greeted Shannon and Mark with handshakes and they went back inside to discuss next moves.

"I'll stay with her," he blurted immediately when he heard the argument about whether Lori could manage on her own. It seemed like an easy solution and there was no way he was leaving her yet – not after the scare he'd just been through.

"That settles it then," Shannon said with a knowing smile as she and Mark stood up. "We should get going before it gets too late...and anyway, she needs to eat," Shannon said to Noel, jerking a head in Lori's direction. "She told me she had a sandwich about six hours ago, so fix her something, will you, Noel?"

"Of course," he answered at the same time Lori began her protest.

"I'm not an invalid!" she objected.

"Nobody said you were, Lori," Shannon interjected. "But take the help when it's offered to you, eh?"

Noel watched Lori fume for a few seconds more, but could see the dark shadows forming under her eyes and knew she was about done in for the day. The fight was going out of her.

Shannon saw it, too, and walked over to give her friend a hug. "Feel better, my dear," she said as she pulled back. "And when Noel has to leave – or if you just need my help, call me," she demanded.

"Alright, alright," Lori conceded as she walked them to the door.

When they'd left, Noel placed his hands lightly on Lori's shoulders from behind and steered her towards the couch, the kittens running around them like miniature cyclones.

"How about a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup?" he asked as he lightly pushed her down on the couch.

The kittens immediately bounded into her lap; he made note of it.

Lori nodded as she sank into the cushions. "Grilled cheese sounds good, but there's some frozen fries in the freezer – you can make those up instead of soup."

He turned and made his way back to the kitchen, but heard her snort then giggle from the dim lighting of the living room. "Frozen fries in the freezer," she murmured, laughing again. "That's funny to say."

He was filled with an unutterable tenderness at that moment and he smiled as he opened the refrigerator. "You're very tired," he called out to her.

"Yes," she agreed.

Chapter 16

He was sleeping lightly on the futon in the guest bedroom, so was instantly awake when he heard her making her way to his room in the dark.

"Noel?" she called softly from the doorway.

"Yes?" he answered.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry if I did."

"You didn't," he reassured her. "Do you want to come in?"

"I can't sleep," she answered, coming into the room.

He couldn't see more than a dim silhouette of her by the starlight from the window. She was wearing a pair of flannel pyjama bottoms and a tank top, the curves of her body just visible against the blackness of the room behind her.

"Was it my cooking?" he asked in jest.

She laughed and shook her head, settling down in the office chair next to him. "No, silly. It's my hand."

"Mmm. Hurting a lot?"

"No, that's the thing. It doesn't hurt...but I'm going snaky with this thing in a cast. I feel trapped. Now I know why animals gnaw off their legs when they get caught in traps. I want it off."

"Mmm," he said again, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and sitting up. "Bring it here?" he asked in invitation.

She extended the heavy, cumbersome arm and he reached out, sliding his way up the cast to the flesh above her elbow. He lightly settled his hands on her skin and began to gently massage the arm.

"It burns," she continued, not resisting his touch. "I think I'm going to go crazy with how...prickly...it is."

"You won't go crazy," he assured her, continuing his kneading of her skin. It was soft and smooth and he wanted badly to lean over and run his lips along it. But of course, that would be ridiculous – and unwelcome – so he carried on with what was allowed.

"Why did they give you a plaster cast?" he asked as he went higher towards her shoulder, then back down. "Don't they usually use fibreglass?"

She exhaled softly in relief and shook her head at his question. "I don't know, but I do have to go back in a couple of days to see a bone specialist so I'll ask."

He continued to rub her arm above the elbow in silence, each of them listening to the other breathe in the dark.

"The kittens keep lying on top of me, too," she said after awhile. "That's unusual for them. They usually lie next to me on the bed, but they want to be on the cast which adds to the weight. And then I'm afraid of disturbing them so I hold perfectly still."

"That can't be at all comfortable," he agreed.

"It's not," she said, with a note of strain creeping into her voice. "I'm exhausted," she added and suddenly her arm was shaking in his hands.

He realized she was crying silently in the dark and he left off with his massage. Instead he stood up and pulled her up to a standing position, too, gathering her in for a hug. She couldn't lift her arm properly to return the embrace and he heard her growl in frustration.

"I want this off," she snarled. "Seriously – if I grab one of Cody's saws, will you cut it off?"

"Lori, don't be foolish," he chided her, wrapping an arm around her waist and gently leading her back to her bedroom.

He turned on one of the bedside lamps when they got back to the room and lightly pressed her back into a sitting position on her own bed, where she would be more comfortable. In the dim light of the room, he could see how tired she was – the black circles were more pronounced now under her eyes and numerous strands of her silver-and-black hair were flying around her face, pulled out of the ponytail she had clumsily made before bed.

"Did your doctor give you some painkillers?" he asked. "I'll go fetch them for you."

"Yes, they're on the table downstairs."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

He returned to find her curled up in the fetal position on the bed, her encased arm and hand stuck out awkwardly next to her, the kittens lying gracelessly across the cast. He stopped abruptly in the doorway at the sight but Lori must have heard him come back.

"Do you see what I mean?" she asked, looking up at him. "Isn't that eerie?"

He handed her the pills and water and she took them clumsily, the kittens still wrapped around her limb.

"Are they purring?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," she answered. "Unnerving, isn't it?"

Noel snorted in answer. "Very."

He sat down next to her on the bed and she made a half-hearted attempt to slide closer to him. They sat quietly for a few minutes like that, Noel listening to the steady thrum of the kittens, trying to figure out what it might mean.

"I can't believe how much it burns," Lori murmured, drifting towards sleep.

He wrapped an arm around her and resumed his gentle massage of the exposed skin. He continued for awhile until he felt her relax completely into the heavy-bodied sleep of the exhausted. He stilled his hand but rolled slightly towards her, subconsciously shielding her.

Then finally sleep took them both, the kittens continuing their gentle purring as a serenade.

**********

Noel woke the next morning when Lori rolled over and punched him unknowingly in the gut with her cast. He came to with a soft "oof" and started up from the bed. When he realized where he was, though, he sank back onto the mattress and looked down at her sleeping form. She was now curled around him, the cast extended across his chest, and she was still sleeping deeply.

He knew that she had a built-in alarm clock after years of getting up to care for horses, but checked to see what time it was, just in case. 5:30 a.m. It was still dark outside, but they had both fallen asleep without turning off the bedside lamp and its diffused light warmed the atmosphere in the room. Noel knew Lori usually got up around 6:00 to feed the horses, so they had time yet; he laid back down and enjoyed the feel of her against him.

The kittens had been disturbed by her sudden turning, but now came back to the cast – even crawling up on Noel's chest to be near to Lori's injury once more. Leia curled herself around Lori's hand and Luke draped himself across her wrist and again they started purring.

Noel watched in fascination as they went to work. When he could get up, he was definitely going to record these strange events in his journal – this was clearly out of the ordinary. He had no idea what it all meant but he was determined to start doing some research.

Lori snuffled softly in her sleep and rubbed her face against his side. Every nerve in his body sprang awake at her touch and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He loved her. He knew it without a shadow of doubt, even though he had only known her a short while. His frantic drive from Toronto in the dark last night had shown him that. But he couldn't act on it – that was the problem. She still had so much healing to do, both emotionally and now physically, that his revelations would only confuse things. He knew he had to keep his feelings to himself for the present, but it was bloody difficult when she felt so good pressed up against him.

As cautiously as a kitten approaching a plastic bag, he extended a hand and lightly stroked her dramatic, unusual hair. Even though he had come to expect the changes in it, he had been shocked to see more silver since the last time he had seen her. There was clearly a pattern beginning to emerge – swirls of black and grey were speckling together that would soon look exactly like a snow leopard's pelt. Despite the unnerving oddity of it, Noel still wanted to bury his hands in its thickness and feel the strands slide through his fingers. Again he held back, though, settling for a feather-light skimming of her scalp.

Six o'clock came and went and when Lori's inner clock didn't wake her, Noel left the kittens to their thunderous purring and slid out of the bed. She protested his leaving with an unconscious murmur and he quickly grabbed the pillow he'd been lying on and slid it into place against her. She wrapped herself around it with alacrity and subsided into dreams once more.

Noel looked down at her for a few moments more and then impulsively bent over and kissed her softly at the temple. She made a breathy sound of acknowledgement but didn't wake so he turned off her lamp and left the room.

He had watched Lori feed the horses in the morning enough times that he felt he could probably handle it alone. He headed to the barn and was greeted by Bear at the entrance.

"Hello, old friend," he called softly in the early dawn's light and Bear replied with a huge yawn, a back-twisting stretch and a quick meow.

He fed the barn cat and the horses within the stable, then threw a few more flakes of hay into a wheelbarrow and took them to the indoor arena where the stud-colt was housed. After checking the water situation for all the animals, he came back into the house and listened quietly at the door for several seconds.

There was no sound from upstairs, though, and he was relieved that Lori seemed to be getting the sleep her body obviously needed. He moved quietly to the kitchen, made himself a tea and a couple slices of toast with jam then settled in front of Lori's laptop computer in the living room and began a search.

He typed in "purr, broken bone" and was astounded by what came up almost immediately on several websites.

"The optimal frequency for bone stimulation is 50 hertz," he read in amazement. "The dominant and fundamental frequency for three species of cats' purrs is exactly 25 to 50 hertz: the best frequencies for bone growth and fracture healing.

"The cat's purr falls well within the 20 — 50 hertz anabolic range, and extends up to 140 hertz. All members of the cat family except cheetahs have a dominant or strong harmonic at 50 hertz. The harmonics of three cat species fall exactly on, or within, 2 points of 120 hertz, a frequency which has been found to repair tendons."

"Well, I'll be," Noel muttered, and then scrolled down the page.

"The type of frequencies that are found in the cat's purr are good for healing muscle, tendon, and ligament injuries, as well as for muscle strengthening and toning," he read next. "They are good for any type of joint injury, wound healing, reduction of infection and swelling, pain relief, and relief of chronic pulmonary disease.

"Authors of the veterinarians' surgery manual say that what it basically comes down to is that, compared to other animals, cats simply don't get chronic pulmonary disease, muscle and tendon injuries, bone diseases, and a lot of other things that dogs get. The purr seems to be a constant strengthener and toner for the muscles."

Noel went back and looked at more articles, feeling the hair stand up on the back of his neck when he read the next passage about broken bones.

"Throughout history, the cat has been the most worshipped and the most persecuted domestic animal. Perhaps the most popular cat saying is that they have 'nine lives.' This type of old wives' tale usually has a grain of truth behind it, especially since there is also an old veterinary school adage that states 'If you put a cat and a sack of broken bones in the same room the bones will heal.'"

Noel snorted at that, but kept reading.

"Most veterinary orthopaedic surgeons have observed how relatively easy it is to mend broken cat bones, as compared with dogs. 132 cats were recently studied after they survived falls from high-rise apartment buildings – the record fall was from 45 storeys. Ninety percent of them survived even though some had severe injuries."

Noel let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and shook his head. He took a long drink of his hot tea then continued reading.

"There is also literature that suggests that domestic cats are in general less prone to postoperative complications following elective surgeries," the article went on. "Cats do not have near the prevalence of orthopaedic disease or ligament and muscle traumas as dogs have, and non-union of fractures in cats is rare. Researchers believe that self-healing is the survival mechanism behind the purr. There is extensive documentation that suggests that low frequencies, at low intensity, are therapeutic. These frequencies can aid bone growth, fracture healing, and pain relief..."

Noel ran a thumb and forefinger across his beard and re-read several of the passages again.

"Wow," he said softly when he was finished. He looked up at the ceiling, where Lori was asleep in the upstairs bedroom, and mused about what the kittens were doing. Was it possible they were actually healing her bones? The thought disturbed him and comforted him at the same time. It was eerie to think of the furry little critters clinging to her hand and pouring out their personal brand of medicine in sound vibrations and yet...if they were able to help and obviously loved her enough to do it, why should he be bothered?

"Because it seems rather abnormal," Noel muttered to himself with a laugh. Then he gave a lopsided smile to the room at large and said with chagrin, "And since when has abnormality bothered you?"

Noel sighed heavily and dug out his journal, recording what had happened since his arrival yesterday and also what he had discovered in his research. He couldn't wait until Lori woke up to talk with her about it.

**********

"That's just creepy," Lori said later as she watched the kittens press themselves against her hand and listened to Noel read the computer articles. They were sitting in the living room: she trying to eat with her left hand the breakfast Noel had made her, and he getting excited about the concept now that he'd had time to digest it.

She had felt badly about sleeping through chores, but she had definitely needed the rest and felt much better about the cast and life in general when she woke up. She vaguely remembered Noel settling next to her on Cody's side of the bed last night, but didn't know when he had left – the pain pills had obviously packed a punch.

"So you think they're actually speeding up the healing process with their purring?" she asked dubiously.

"I don't know," Noel replied with a grin, "but it's going to be very interesting to hear what your doctor has to say in a couple of days. Make sure you ask him to take another x-ray and compare it to the first one they did. I'd love to know if it's healing at an average rate."

Lori nodded and concentrated on putting another forkful of egg into her mouth. She was amazed at how much she had been taking for granted until she was confronted with the lack of use of her right hand. She had to think about everything now, since her left hand was so much weaker and uncoordinated, compared to her right. She could feel a headache coming on simply because she had to focus so much on the little things today.

She swallowed the mouthful and looked over at Noel. He was wearing his hair loose today – it fell thick and glossy-black across his face, the ends just brushing his shoulders. It reminded her of something; she knew she'd have to ask him, but kept putting it off, since it was embarrassing for her in several ways. She sighed heavily and he looked over at her.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

She looked at him for a long moment and cleared her throat. "I have to ask you something," she said reluctantly.

"Okay," he said, turning to give her his full attention.

"I can't get the cast wet, since it's plaster," she began. "The doctor said even when I shower I should hold that arm outside the curtain."

She snorted at the likelihood of keeping it dry while showering, but shook off her doubts. She'd deal with that later and would attempt to both change out of her pyjamas and tank top after breakfast, and take a sponge bath, one-handed. Before that, though...

"Noel, would you mind terribly if I asked you to wash my hair for me? I thought it might be best if I just stuck my head in the kitchen sink...and if you could just...well, I don't know...lather it up good and make sure it's rinsed well, I'd really appreciate it. I smell like horse," she added apologetically.

She felt acutely shy after asking and looked down at her now-empty plate, concerned at how her request would be received.

He was looking at her with a gentleness on his face that seemed to be there a lot lately.

"I wouldn't mind," he said quietly.

Little did she know how uncomfortable that simple request was going to make them both feel. There was an astounding intimacy to having one's hair washed – especially when you were bent over a sink and a decidedly male presence was brushing up against you as he leaned over to adjust the temperature on the faucet.

Lori felt her face turning hot as Noel gently pressed her head further into the sink and reached over her to begin scrubbing her scalp. He had a good touch – sure and tender at the same time – and she had to be careful not to lean into his hands too much. When he grew more comfortable with his task, he started to press more firmly with his fingertips, running them in a deep caress from temples to the nape of her neck and she firmly bit down on her lip to keep from moaning in pleasure. Lord, she'd be mortified if he knew how good this was making her feel.

She felt her body loosening, the tension washing down the drain with the soapsuds and she had to force herself to remain upright and not lean back against his solid warmth. An idle thought flickered through her mind of what his hands would feel like on her hips; she took a sharp intake of breath when she realized where she was going with that and mentally slapped herself. It had been a long time since she'd been touched with any desire, she told herself. That's all it was. She was missing Cody.

Noel finished rinsing her hair soon afterwards and assisted her in wrapping the towel around her head since she couldn't get a good handle on it one-handed. She hoped he put her red face off to the steam and the hot water.

**********

Inevitably, Lori had to speak to her parents that night regarding the accident, and just as inevitably, her father was agitated, insisting she return home and give up the attempts to live on her own...while her mother essentially told her to tough it out and get creative with how she managed things. A happy balance between the two would be appreciated, she thought silently to herself with sarcasm.

Rita's lawyer had been in touch with them, assuring them that the class-action lawsuit was going according to plan. The airline was making the first tentative steps towards settling out of court with all the survivors' families. While they still weren't coming anywhere near what Rita was demanding in compensation, they were willing to negotiate. This was a good sign, according to Lori's mother – she felt confident they wouldn't have to testify in court.

Lori had almost completely forgotten about the lawsuit by this point but felt relief that she might not have to get overly-aggressive about her demands for money. She wasn't planning on anything coming of it yet, though, either – if she couldn't make it on her own on the property then so be it. She didn't want to be forced to rely on the possibility of a lawsuit in order to stay.

As it was, she was just barely keeping her head above water, but at least she was still in the black at the end of every month. She was eating pretty lean these days, but she didn't mind that – with how busy she was with the horses, she wouldn't have had time to prepare steaks and lobster, anyway.

"Otherwise, how's it going?" Lori's mother asked as they were winding up their weekly phone call.

"Not bad," Lori responded, turning in her kitchen chair slightly. Noel was sitting in the living room and she didn't want him to overhear the next part. "I'm not quite sure how I'm going to train four horses with one hand yet, but like you said, I'll have to figure out a way to make it work. This is my livelihood – I can't be out of commission for too long or I won't have a job."

"Well, do the best you can, Lori. You may have to switch up the order of things and ease up on the riding for awhile, but I'm sure there are other groundwork exercises you can be doing."

Lori laughed in irony. "Actually, the way this cast is right now, riding is probably easier for me than groundwork. I only need one hand to ride – I need two hands to desensitize – one to hold the horse and the other to scare the horse with..."

She paused, her mind at work on how to incorporate the cast into her desensitizing, but sighed heavily when nothing came to her. "Ah, forget it," she finally said. "I'll deal with that tomorrow."

Her mother was just about to ring off, when Lori glanced at the wall calendar and gasped.

"What?" her mother asked.

"Oh, no! I just remembered I was supposed to pick up another 800 bales of hay this month! How am I going to do that now?!"

Lori's mother – ever practical – told her to calm down. "Can't you just phone him up and ask him to postpone it another month?"

Lori shook her head, glancing into the living room as she did so and cringing when she saw Noel had heard her troubled voice.

"No," she said softly into the receiver. "I have to pick it up soon – I'll run out of hay shortly, anyway, but my supplier can't hold it any longer – he has to start moving his equipment into the sheds for the winter."

She paused, trying to think about what could be done. "I don't suppose you, Dad and my sibs could come help?"

"Oh, sweetheart...we can't. Not this month. Your dad's in full harvest season, remember. He's starting with the soybeans tomorrow and you know he'll be going 24 hours' straight for the next month until everything's in."

Lori sighed in frustration. "Okay," she grudgingly accepted. "I'll figure out something there, too, I suppose."

"I'm sorry, kiddo. You know we would if we could."

"I know."

Lori gently disconnected a few minutes later and set the handset on the table. Reality made her feel defeated tonight. She looked up to see Noel watching her from the couch and tried to brighten her posture and expression, even if she was still depressed inside.

"What's going on?" he asked, standing up and coming into the kitchen.

"Oh, nothing really," she faked. "I've just remembered some things I've got to do that are going to be a bit more complicated with the cast."

"Well," he said, waiting, "tell me how I can help."

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. I know you have to get back to Jeret and the zoo."

Noel sat down next to her. "Not that badly. Tell me what I can do."

"I have to get 800 more bales of hay in the next couple of weeks and my parents are harvesting so they can't help. It's hard work – even with two hands – you have to throw the bales off the wagons, carry them into the shed and stack them up. And there's tons of dust so if you have allergies it's not good...and the hay itself can irritate your skin so you need to wear long-sleeved shirts and pants."

"How many people do you need to do it?" Noel asked.

"Well, two can handle it, but it's an all-day thing. It's best if there's four or five."

Noel nodded. "Fancy seeing Jeret and Lynta again? We could ask them to come down one of these weekends and pitch in. Maybe check with Mike and Shannon, too – they might be able to help if you give them enough notice."

"But I don't want to be an imposition..." Lori said reluctantly.

Noel gave her one of his intense, scrutinizing looks. "Lori, there are times in life when everybody needs to ask for help. That's what friends do for each other – nobody will think less of you for having to get assistance. It's not like you ask for it every day, after all."

Lori snorted. "It feels like I am lately."

"Don't be silly – call them. Then I'll call Jeret and Lynta."

In the end, everyone could make it the following Saturday so they set the date and Lori phoned the hay farmer to give him notice.

When that was finished, Noel gave her another piercing look.

"Now. What else won't you ask me for?"

Lori drew her eyebrows together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Noel gave her a teasing smile. "I saw you whispering into the phone with your mom. What don't you want to ask me?"

She answered with a rueful smile of her own and shook her head. "You're too nosey."

He smiled back at her. "That's as may be. But answer my question."

She sighed heavily when she saw he wasn't going to back down. "I can't work the horses from the ground with my cast like this. I'm going to have to stop training until it comes off and that will mean no income for at least a month."

"What do you need?"

"I need a fully-operational hand," she said in frustration.

"Well...can I be that for you?"

She looked intently at him. "What? You mean you'd train them for me?"

"Well, I can't promise I know what I'm doing...and I certainly won't do it as well as you, but what if you coached me and explained how to go about it from outside the pen and I'll try my best from the inside?"

Lori's eyes lit up and she nodded her head slowly. "That just might work."

**********

It must have been the hundredth time she'd reminded him and if she wasn't getting sick of saying it, he was getting sick of himself for always having to be reminded.

"Hand over the top of the rope, Noel," she said again as Rick's quiet mare cantered a circle around him on the lunge line. "Remember, thumb pointing towards you – pinkie finger towards the horse."

Noel fumbled with the rope, trying to get in the proper position without disrupting the mare and he almost stepped on the stick and tripped himself in the process. He laughed ruefully; he had always tended to think of himself as a graceful kind of guy; clearly that wasn't the case – at least in the roundpen. He got everything coordinated again and followed the mare's movements around him.

"How do you keep from getting motion sickness?" he called out to Lori.

She laughed from her perch on top of the roundpen. "Don't look at the horse all the time. Every once and awhile, pick a stationary thing – like a post or a spot on the ground and stare at it while she's going around. Just look at her out of your peripheral vision," she answered.

"You don't have to worry about her," she continued. "Rick's mare has done this a lot and she's good and quiet. It's why I picked her to start with."

"Thank you," he answered. "This takes some getting used to."

"I know, but don't worry – everybody goes through this when they're learning. We've all smacked ourselves in the face with the rope or the stick a time or two."

"Well, that's not much consolation," he joked. "Why did I agree to torture myself like this, again?"

"Oh, hush," she answered. "Okay, you're going to change direction with her now. So what are the five steps? Give them to me before you start them."

Noel disregarded the feeling of standing in the middle of a carousel and focused on the task at hand. "Okay. Number one – palm up."

"Right."

"Number two, stick in hand."

"Yep."

"Number three, slide the free hand down the rope. Number four, step out in front; number five, send her off the other way."

"Good. And how do you send her off?"

"Point with the free hand in the new direction and swing the stick at her shoulder if she gets too close."

"Right, but you probably won't have to do that with her, so keep your movements pretty relaxed or she might try to run away with you."

"Okay."

Noel followed all the steps correctly, but it was still awkward. The mare anticipated his request far too well, and had stopped to face him before he even got his hand down the rope. There was an intensely funny moment, where horse and human stood staring at one another, not sure what should happen next and Noel turned to look over his shoulder at Lori.

She was laughing on the top rail, the little imp.

"A little help here, please?" he inquired, trying to swallow his own grin.

"Sorry," she responded. "Point up in the same direction and get her started again, then you can try once more. She's well-trained – you're going to have to be quick about it – the second she sees you move the stick to your other hand, she knows you're going to ask her to yield."

Noel turned back to the horse and got himself straightened out with the rope and stick again.

"Or at least she thinks you're going to ask her to yield," Lori amended from the fence. "But the cue isn't you moving the stick from one hand to the other – the cue is you actually stepping out in front of her and pointing the other way. She's anticipating too well. So if I were you, I'd 'desensitize' her a bit to the stick moving from one hand to the other. Keep her going at the canter on the circle and just move the stick from your right hand to your left and back again. If she anticipates and stops, just send her on. Let's work on that first before we ask her to change direction."

"Right," Noel acknowledged as the mare began cantering around him again.

Noel was humbled by how much work and finesse were involved with training horses; he had even more respect for Lori now that he had done the bare minimums of her job the past six hours. He was going to be exhausted by the end of this day – as it was, it felt as though all his energy were draining down through his feet into the arena sand and he still had to learn how to roundpen the grey they'd bought at auction and then help bring all the horses in from pasture and feed them hay.

Lori had been a tremendous support so far. She was a good teacher – very patient and able to describe a concept several different ways until it made sense to her pupil – and if it weren't for her enthusiasm and encouragement, Noel would have given up within the first hour. But she had pushed him on and he had persevered...and he felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment because of it, too.

When the day was over, they both returned to the log home and Noel immediately asked Lori if he could use the Jacuzzi tub. She laughed with a wicked sense of satisfaction and said, "of course."

Noel cocked his head with a sly smile and studied her. "Don't mock me, woman. I'm trying to help you here, you know."

Lori giggled again and settled in on the couch. "Oh, I know. And I am grateful. But that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good to know someone finally understands what I do in the course of a day."

She sat back against the pillows, folding her arms with a "so there" expression on her face and he laughed. "You are truly amazing," he conceded with a small bow and she broke her haughty façade with a laugh.

"No need for all that," she assured him with a twinkle in her eye.

He shook his head at her in mock derision. "Shall I make the queen supper when I'm done in the bath then?" he asked.

"We approve," she said in her best royal voice.

Chapter 17

Lori looked at Noel out of the corner of her eye and tried to keep her legs from bouncing on the examining table. She was extremely nervous. The x-rays had been done and now she was waiting impatiently as the doctor studied them in the corner of the hospital's little room. Noel had offered to drive her and had been allowed to sit in on the results, since they were only examining her hand. She was grateful for his presence. Intensely grateful, she realized with some surprise.

The kittens had continued to wrap themselves around her hand every moment she was in a stationary position in the house. She was still unnerved by that but Noel's assurance that it could only be beneficial had convinced her to allow them to carry on. The doctor had been studying the x-rays for some time now and she was starting to worry. That worry began to bloom into panic when he started making small grunts of astonishment and murmured the words, "it can't be" several times.

Finally, he turned to look at her, confusion etching his round, red face with wrinkles.

"When did you say this accident happened?" he asked in consternation.

Lori cleared her throat. "Two days ago."

The doctor dropped his hands to his side, the x-rays flapping against his leg. "Two days ago?" he said, baffled.

Lori nodded, searching the doctor's face for some sign of what he was seeing.

"Is there something...unusual...in that, doctor?" Noel asked from his chair.

The doctor turned to look at him and grunted again.

"I'll say. From what I can see...well, it's astounding, really. The bone has healed to the point that I would say it's in its third week of recovery. And I've seen a lot of broken bones," he added.

He looked back and forth between Lori and Noel, as though expecting one of them to reveal the truth behind some prank, but Lori had nothing to offer him.

"I want to cut the plaster cast off," the doctor announced suddenly. "I was going to, anyway – we need to put a fibreglass one on – but I want to do more x-rays once the cast is off."

Lori nodded. "Okay."

The bliss she felt when the heavy plaster fell away from her arm was indescribable. She had to hold back from groaning in ecstasy as her hand was exposed to the air and her arm was released from its prison. At the same time, though, she felt intensely vulnerable and instinctively began cradling the hand against her body, shielding it from any more rough treatment.

They did more x-rays and the doctor studied them even more thoroughly. He even called in a second doctor to take a look. All the while, Noel sat in the chair with a Cheshire-cat grin threatening to erupt on his face and made notations in his journal. He had on a pair of black jeans, his beat-up old boots, and his fringed suede coat; his foot bounced in time to her knee as they waited for a decision to be made.

"Alright," her doctor finally announced as the second doctor left the room. "There's no other way to say this. Your hand is almost completely healed. At the rate it's mending, I would say by next week it will be back to normal. I don't know how on earth it could be, but it is."

He stopped to study Lori, still evidently waiting for her to leap off the table and shout, "Gotcha!" He seemed almost disappointed when she remained perched there, swinging her legs back and forth.

"I still want you to put a fibreglass cast on, but I want you to come back one week from today. We're going to do more x-rays."

Lori nodded then shrugged her shoulders at Noel.

The new cast was heaven compared to the old – the fibreglass was significantly lighter and didn't have to be wrapped to her fingertips. She thought nothing would ever please her as much as the simple gift of having use of her fingers again. She picked a light green colour for the cast and aside from the awkward position they asked her to tip her hand in when they wrapped it, life looked much brighter when she left the hospital.

"Well," Noel began when they got settled in his truck, "I guess our suspicions are confirmed. The kittens are mending your bones with their purring."

Lori sank back against the seat, the excitement of the day starting to catch up with her. "You're that certain, are you?"

Noel cocked an eyebrow at her as he backed out of his parking spot. "You think it's something else?"

"Well...no. But it still seems really weird to me that their purring could do that."

Noel nodded and put the truck into drive. "I know. For me, too. But we saw those vets online saying they had been doing experiments and the vibration frequency seemed to help."

"Yes, 'it seemed to help.' But not that fast! Not in two days' time, Noel!"

He glanced at her and pulled out into traffic. "Lori, you already know the four of us are different when it comes to our relationship with cats. Who's to say that unique quality we all have isn't amplifying our response to them?"

She sighed and nodded, not knowing what else to say.

**********

Noel requested first opportunity to put something on her cast. Using a permanent black marker, he drew a stunning leopard's eye on her wrist, its profound, calculating look following her every move for the next week.

**********

The day the hay arrived felt somewhat like a family reunion for Lori – with Shannon, Mark, Noel, Jeret and Lynta all assembled again there was light in the place once more and the camaraderie between all the participants was unmistakable. Since Shannon and Mark had been around a few hay bales in their time, they took on the task of stacking the hay in a way that would keep it from tipping over while Lynta pitched them off the wagon and Noel and Jeret carried them to the shed. Lori was fairly itching to help out and chomped at her figurative bit because her cast relegated her to Overseer. She tried not to command too much and trusted in the others to carry out their tasks without her interference. Still, it was difficult to watch everyone working while she stood there.

She did find it funny, however, that Jeret and Lynta seemed to be in a teasing type of mood today – especially because their target was Noel, whom Lori was secretly beginning to revere. She would never have dreamed of mocking what she considered to be his most-profound thoughts on "life, the universe and everything" but to his two other friends, they seemed to be fair game.

Jeret started the ribbing with an elbow in Noel's side before he picked up a bale in each hand and carried them to the shed.

"Hey, Noel," he suggested, "If what you say is true about believing something and creating it in your reality, why don't you 'believe' that all these hay bales are going to jump off the trailer of their own volition and bounce right on into the shed? It would save us a lot of time."

Noel picked up two bales himself and winked at Lori as he passed by her. "I could ask the same of you, Jeret – why don't you?"

"No, no, no," Jeret countered, "that's your forte – not mine. You're the all-powerful wizard in the group."

Noel snorted and handed one of his bales up to Shannon. "Hardly that. But to answer your question, I can't believe that into happening because I simply can't believe it. My notion of reality would prohibit me from making it work."

Jeret gave Noel a condescending grin. "Ohhh. So you're saying it could happen; it's just that it's beyond your scope?"

Noel passed by Lori on his way back to the wagon and gave her a secretive smile. She answered with a grin of her own. "Something like that," he conceded. "I believe anything is possible, Jeret – you know that. But I have to be in the right frame of mind to stretch my notion of reality that far...and I'm not in that mood right now. Besides, I'm enjoying this, just the way it is. If I moved all the hay on my own, using thought exclusively, then I wouldn't get a chance to enjoy your company."

Jeret gave a deep rumble of a laugh. "Oh, that's brilliant! I've gotta remember that one!"

Shannon handed another of Jeret's bales up to Mark, who was stacking up by the rafters, and drew her brows together. "What on earth are you two talking about?" she demanded.

Lori entered the conversation, anxious to be a part of the group in some way, since she couldn't contribute physically.

"Remember how you told me when I started training horses that I had to 'fake it before I could make it?'"

Shannon nodded down at her. "Right – my dressage coach used to say that to me."

"Well, Noel has taken that a step further. He believes that if you think something, then say it out loud and then do something about it that you will eventually create it in your reality – regardless of what it is."

Shannon looked over at Noel, who was delivering another bale. "Really?" she asked sceptically as she took it from him. "No matter what?" she questioned as she swung the bale up towards her husband.

Noel smiled up at her. "That's been my experience."

Shannon thought it over for a moment then cocked her head, obviously willing to play devil's advocate in this conversation. "I'm not so sure about that. I mean – I agree you have to have confidence and focus if you want to succeed with something...but if that was the case – if you could think, say and do something and have it become your reality – then what's to stop all the bad people in the world getting exactly what they want, too?"

"Oh, you're opening up a whole new can of worms with that question," Lynta called from the wagon and laughed. "Don't get him talking about 'good' and 'bad' and how our thinking makes it so," she cautioned with a huge grin on her face.

Noel looked around with arms upraised and an incredulous look on his face. "What is this? Pick on Noel Day?" But he grinned afterwards, clearly enjoying the banter.

"Aww, you know it's because we love you, buddy," Jeret said as he punched Noel lightly on the shoulder in passing.

"All I've said is that your belief about a thing makes it so. It's all relative – you call someone 'tall' until someone taller comes along. Then the first guy might just be 'average.' You might say a skunk smells...until you fall into a sewer. Then your opinion might alter."

Mark laughed from atop his stack of hay. "So this might be difficult until I have to unload 1600 bales."

The group laughed and Noel nodded with a smile. "Exactly."

"And I thought the first horse I trained was a challenge...until I met Curtis' chestnut colt," Lori offered.

Noel grinned at her. "Right."

"Okay, hang on," Shannon interjected. "That stuff is all relative. But what about truly evil things – things that there's no argument about? Like a pedophile or a rapist or a murderer? There's nothing 'good' about what they do."

Noel turned to look at Shannon and was still for a moment. Lori wondered at that assessment; she wondered what he was thinking as he studied her friend. "I know it appears that way..." he started cautiously. "Those are horrific things that the majority of us believe no human should have to endure. And you're right that there are dark forces at work...but to call them evil...do you mean by that to take away their humanity? To pass it off as Satan's work?"

Shannon raised her eyebrows and began nodding before Noel had finished talking. "You bet I do. There's something much more sinister there than what a human could do on his own."

"But don't you think by saying that it's Satan at work, you've almost given them an out, Shannon? They go to trial and all they have to say is 'the Devil made me do it.' They don't have to take responsibility for their actions."

Shannon was quiet, considering.

"And if we do attribute all the evil in the world to Satan," Noel added, picking up another two bales, "then I fear we lose touch with the human side of the people involved. What of the pedophile who was himself molested as a child? Do we – as a society – ignore his pain simply because he's caused another's? Do we not just continue the cycle if we ignore the issue at the heart of the matter and blame it on an unseen force?"

"No, I disagree, Noel," Mark said as he accepted another bale from Shannon with a grunt. "Everybody knows right from wrong – regardless of their upbringing or their circumstances. So if they know what's right and still murder someone...there has to be Something else at work to cause it to happen."

"Is that what you believe?" Noel asked, handing his second bale to Shannon.

"Yes," Mark affirmed with conviction.

"Then that's your reality," Noel said.

Jeret groaned in mock frustration. "You can't win these types of arguments with him, you two," he called to Shannon and Mark, lifting another bale from the ground near Lynta. "He'll always fall back on that argument – if you believe it, then that's your reality."

Noel laughed. "Well, it's true! Nothing is real – unless you believe that it is."

"Well, I believe I'm thirsty," Jeret said. "Time for a break."

Lori laughed at him and held up a hand. "Give me a second, Jeret – I've got some bottled water in a cooler over here."

When she came back with the drinks for everyone, Shannon had resumed her original line of questioning.

"You still haven't explained to me, Noel, how your thoughts go to that next level. What if I tried to imagine you dropping dead right here? What's to stop that from happening? It's all well and good to encourage people to reach for their dreams with the good things. What's to stop me from wishing bad things on others and having them happen?"

Noel took a bottle of water from Lori's outstretched hand and sat down next to her on one of the bales of hay, leaning over her slightly to grab one of the old towels she had brought out to wipe away sweat.

"Well, let me start with this," Noel said with a muffled voice as he scrubbed the towel across his face. "When you've wanted something good to happen in your life, have you thought it and gotten it immediately?"

"Rarely," Shannon answered with a chuckle. "I've had to work hard at my dreams."

Noel nodded at her and draped the towel across his thighs. Lori could feel the heat pulsating off of him from his exertion; for some ridiculous reason, that underlying reassurance of masculinity made her feel incredibly safe. She gave her head a subtle shake, trying to concentrate on what he was saying.

"You're right, Shannon – it is work – hard work. One thought isn't enough to make something a reality to us. At least not usually. Some are especially gifted that way, and trust enough in the process to make it happen instantaneously. But they're usually crucified shortly after they start demonstrating those powers," he added with an ironic, upraised eyebrow.

Shannon gave him a begrudging smile as she sat down cross-legged on the hay shed floor next to Mark.

"So you're saying it's repetition? Or that it's impossible?"

Noel lifted his chin and looked directly at her. "Oh, no," he said softly. "It's not impossible. What you call 'evil' things do happen – talk to any survivor of the Holocaust and you'll have confirmation of that. But one thought isn't enough for most of us. Heaven forbid! Can you imagine if every negative thought you had about another became a reality?"

Mark snorted again. "There wouldn't be a husband left alive on the planet," he stated bluntly.

The group laughed at that, but settled down when Noel leaned forward, arms on knees, to convey his point.

"Just so," he agreed with a smile. "One thought doesn't pack that kind of punch. But think it every day...? And say you're going to do it...? And then start doing it? You've manifested it in your reality. Most people don't really want to hurt the ones they love – those are just random, subconscious kinds of thoughts. But when they can't let go of it...when they fixate on how they felt about something...that's when they get into dangerous territory."

Shannon was quiet and Lori watched her mulling over the concept. "You don't agree, Shannon?" she finally asked.

Her friend shrugged. "I don't know," she mused. "I can see your points, Noel, and to a certain degree, I would accept them. But I still don't see what's to stop someone from 'fixating' – as you say – on doing harm to someone and actually having it happen."

"Nothing's there to stop us, Shannon," Noel responded. "Except our own innate sense of who we are – at our core. And I believe deep-down, we're all love – not fear. If we can get in touch with that part of ourselves – really know, consciously, what kind of beings we are, we would never come from anger or wish ill on someone else. But we sleepwalk through life – we're not paying attention."

Lori glanced at Noel sitting next to her on the bale and felt a profound sense of peace and acceptance wash over her at that moment. He turned to look at her and the warmth emanating from his ebony eyes was startling. He went down into her soul with that look and cradled her in a reassurance that made her feel more protected than she ever had in her life. She felt as though she were waking up herself from a lifelong sleep.

**********

They worked throughout the afternoon, their continued discussions about "thought-power" making the time go fast and soon the 800 bales were stacked to the ceiling and there was just enough room for a single human to squeeze through the door.

Lori did just that and slid it shut behind her, looking at her friends as they sat on the now-empty trailer and took a break.

"I want to thank you guys again for doing this for me. I don't know what I would have done without you," she said humbly.

"I think we got it, Lori," Jeret replied sardonically. "That's, what? The tenth time today you've thanked us?" He laughed with his head tipped back and Lori noticed that again his ears had appeared to fold in on themselves a bit. His strawberry-blond hair was sticking out at awkward angles from his exertion and his inability to tuck it behind his lobes.

"Okay, I'll shut up," she answered with a grin. "I'm just grateful, that's all."

"Eleven," Jeret said with a wink.

There was a lull in the conversation then as people drank from their bottles of water or rubbed a dusty hand over an aching neck.

"There's one other thing I should mention about what you asked earlier, Shannon," Noel said softly after a few minutes. "You wanted to know why bad things don't happen to people every time somebody else thinks them."

Shannon turned to look at Noel on the trailer and nodded.

"There's another important element to why it doesn't always happen – even when someone fixates on harming another. And that's because both parties have to agree on the event."

Lori felt as though Noel had knocked over a gong in the midst of the group – everyone froze, absorbing the disturbance of his words. After a few moments, Shannon cleared her throat.

"Are you actually saying that the child who was raped chose for that to happen? You're not actually saying that, are you?"

Lori remained silent, fervently hoping that's not what Noel was saying, as well.

"I know it's hard to hear. I do know that. And it's especially hard to hear if you're one of the people who's been a victim in such a way," Noel confirmed. "But hear me out. I mentioned before that people live subconsciously. We are all of us – all the time – creating with our thoughts. We can't not create. The minute we think something, we're creating it."

Noel slid off the trailer and moved to a spot where he was visible to everyone. "So the question is: do we direct our thoughts? Or do we just let them come and act on them without exploring consequences? Or perhaps a better question would be: do we create from our soul or from our mind?"

Mark raised a sketchy eyebrow at that. "Come again?"

Noel shifted slightly to address Shannon's husband. "Every moment is an opportunity to create ourselves anew. Every minute, our actions and thoughts define who we are. But sometimes we just do things by rote – it's part of our daily routine, you see?"

Noel took a few steps towards Mark, getting excited about his topic now. "Have you ever been driving in a car, Mark, on a long trip and realize you're in a town that you thought was a lot further down the road? And you don't even remember how you got there?"

Mark nodded mutely.

"You go past landmarks and don't even see them because you're so busy thinking about something else, you're not paying attention to what you're doing," Jeret added, seeing where Noel was going with this line of thought.

"Yes," Noel agreed, looking at his roommate. "You got where you were going...but you weren't doing it consciously."

"Or maybe you didn't get where you were going," Lynta pointed out. "Maybe you got lost along the way because you weren't paying attention."

Noel nodded enthusiastically. "Ah, yes. Exactly, Lynta. We're all of us travelling. But are we paying attention?"

Shannon made a movement and took an inhale of breath as though she was going to speak, but Noel held up a hand, forestalling her.

"To get back to what you asked, Shannon," he intervened, "Sometimes bad things happen to people...and they ask 'why me?' Maybe the answer is that they just weren't paying attention to the road signs that were telling them it was going to happen."

Lori grew still; this was hitting home in no uncertain terms. She shook her head subtly, whether in denial of Noel's words or her reluctance to take on responsibility, she wasn't sure.

"I have to say something here," she stated quietly and the whole group turned to look at her. "I'll admit I haven't always lived consciously in the way you say, Noel. I've created things and not realized I was doing so. But I don't think it's fair to say something like Cody dying in a plane crash was created by either one of us. That's a bloody awful thing to say, as a matter of fact."

She was trembling from the force of her conviction and because she had disagreed with him, who had been such a help to her these past couple of months.

Shannon – trusty, feisty Shannon – immediately came to her defence. "I agree," she said with an edge to her voice. "Lori certainly didn't choose to have Cody die...and I'm sure he didn't choose that for himself, either. Who would?"

The little pixie lifted her chin and stared down Noel in confrontation, but he didn't rise to the challenge by getting angry or defensive. His words remained even and full of compassion, which caused Lori to falter again in her thinking.

He turned to look at Lori, that same reassurance warm in his eyes. "I know neither one of you consciously chose it – you probably didn't even subconsciously choose it," he said softly to her. "But there are thoughts – and consequently, creations – that stem from the mind...and then there are those from the soul. 'To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.'"

Lori blinked at the quote from Ecclesiastes and looked doubtfully at Noel, unsure what to say.

"We may not know why, Lori, but I believe there was a purpose to Cody's passing. There may actually be thousands of reasons why Cody chose the passing that he did. And I do believe he chose it – not consciously, or subconsciously, but with soul-thought. He may actually have chosen that death long before he came to earth."

Shannon snorted and slid off the trailer herself. "This is getting way too deep for me," she said lightly. "We should get going, anyway – we've still got chores to do at our own place."

Lori glanced at her friend, but was drawn back to Noel's black eyes. "Explain that to me," she whispered. "Why did he go?"

Her voice cracked on the question and Noel instinctively reached up a hand to steady her. She didn't want to be touched, though, and pulled back, just out of reach.

"Shannon's right," he said softly, dropping his hand to his side. "This is involved. Shall we talk later? After you've gotten a chance to say good-bye to them?"

She nodded and turned to her friends, but all of her focus was behind her, on the man who had dropped a bomb into her bubble of a life.

**********

Lori insisted on making supper for Lynta, Jeret and Noel, even though it was an awkward business with limited use of her right hand. After they ate, they all moved to the living room for tea and a cheesecake Lori had purchased, and that's where she insisted on an explanation from Noel.

"I need to know," she stated bluntly. "I need to know why you think Cody would have chosen to die so young, in a plane crash."

She had chosen a chair this time, one on the opposite side of the room from where Noel was sitting on the loveseat. Distance was important. Lynta and Jeret sat on the couch between them, silent participants in the debate.

"Lori, I can't answer that in the way you want me to," Noel said with mild frustration. "I didn't know him – if you were married to him and didn't know his soul's intent, how would I?"

"But you said earlier there could be a thousand reasons – give me something, Noel."

It might have been the desperation in her voice or the pleading look she gave him, but he sighed softly and looked down, thinking.

"It could have been anything," he finally said. "Maybe it was for the financial security you would have if the lawsuit comes through. Maybe it was because he missed his father on a subconscious level and wanted to see him again – you said that he lost him early, right? Or maybe something happened on the plane and by that group of people sacrificing their lives, some other people will be saved. Or maybe it was just because he'd accomplished all he wanted to do in this particular life."

Lori shook her head at that one. "No, we had so many plans yet...so many things we never got to do..." She trailed off and fell silent, thinking of all those unfulfilled dreams.

"Maybe it was because you had to meet Noel," Jeret put in discreetly from the couch.

Lori jerked her head up at that. "What? What does that mean?" she demanded, thinking wild thoughts of Cody wanting to fix her up with another guy. Thankfully, Jeret had something else in mind.

"Well, think about it," Jeret pondered. "If Cody hadn't died...and his cougar friend hadn't shown up looking for him, you'd never have met Noel. And there is something going on here – we all know it. These cats are trying to bring us together for some purpose that's yet to be determined. Maybe on a super-conscious level, Cody's part was to bring us together."

"Well, no offense," Lori said, sitting back deeper in the chair. "But I'd rather he'd come up with some other way for the introduction."

Jeret and Lynta said no more and when Lori looked around at her new friends Noel was giving her an inscrutable look from across the room.

Chapter 18

"I would like clarification on another point, Noel, if you don't mind," Lynta said, lessening the tension in the room. "You told Shannon earlier today that in the end, we always choose love and I've heard you say that before. But you made it sound as though the opposite of love is fear."

Noel nodded at Lynta's words, but still kept her eyes on Lori. "Yes," he confirmed.

"Why isn't the opposite hate? I would think that's the antithesis of love."

Noel finally released Lori from his gaze and turned to look at the tall Senegalese. "On the surface, that may be. Hate and love are powerful emotions so it seems natural that they would be on opposite ends of the spectrum. But I encourage you to look deeper. Behind every feeling of hate is a deeper emotion: fear of something. People who hate may not even be aware of it and will deny it to your face that they're scared, but if you look to their core, you'll see the answer."

Lynta cocked her head, thinking. "A dictator who slaughters his own people?" she challenged.

"He fears loss of control, Lynta. If he can't make a certain race or religion do what he wants, they could take away his power. That's fear, but he manipulates it into hate for them and gives reasons why others should hate them, too, so that he creates allies...but ultimately, he fears loss of control."

Lynta nodded, seeing the logic.

"What about a daughter who hates her father's murderer? Doesn't she have a right to be angry?" Lori asked more harshly than she intended. She was irritated with Noel tonight for no good reason, but it felt good to take out her bitterness on someone.

Noel watched her again for a few moments with his impenetrable eyes then answered. "Nobody has made any judgement about whether or not a person is allowed to feel what they're feeling, Lori. I've only said that behind every feeling of hate is really the feeling of fear. So you tell me – what would a daughter be afraid of in that situation?"

There was a buzzing sensation in her head as Noel turned the tables on her and challenged her to come up with the answer. She was in over her head and he was calling her bluff. She knew it...and so did he.

"And while we're on the subject," he said as she thought about his question, "being angry isn't the same as hating someone. Anger occurs naturally and if it's expressed in a constructive manner, it can actually be helpful. It's the bottling up and holding onto it that turns it into hate, which is incredibly self-destructive."

"Well, if my father were murdered," she started, "I'd feel hate. And I guess that would stem from the fact that a criminal had taken him from me...so there would be fear of loss, I suppose."

"Yes," Noel said. "And?"

"And...fear of the unknown: how would the rest of the family survive without him? And...fear that it could happen to me, that I'm not invincible," she conceded.

"Oooh," Jeret murmured. "That's a good one."

Noel smiled at him and the atmosphere seemed to lighten a bit.

"So how can you possibly only ever choose love?" Lynta asked. "You've said before, Noel, that the masters who have walked the earth have only chosen love, in every situation. If it's wrong to choose fear, then why do so many people choose it...and how do you stop?"

"Wait, Lynta," Noel said, sliding forward on the love seat a bit. "I never said fear was wrong and love right."

"But if the masters only chose love – ?" she started to ask, when Noel requested her silence with an upraised finger.

"The masters only choose love because they know ultimately that love is all there is. It's our highest thought about something; it's our recognition of God. Our problem as humans that are less-evolved than the masters is that we continue to make judgements about things, calling something 'good' or 'bad' when in fact, everything just is."

Noel looked urgently at the group, wanting to be understood on this point. Lori felt her pulse speed up at his enthusiasm of the subject.

"The Masters know that their thoughts, words and deeds create their reality. So if they think something is bad...and call it bad...they are going to make it bad. So they simply avoid thinking it's bad because they choose not to experience that. Do you see? I'll give you an example. Two people go camping and there are a lot of mosquitoes around their tent at night. One of them spends the whole night commenting on how awful it is and slapping at himself; the other acknowledges that there are, indeed, a lot of mosquitoes, but doesn't think more about it and focuses instead on how many bats there are, flying around, eating those mosquitoes. Who do you think wakes up in the morning, happy to be in nature? Who do you think goes back to work the following Monday and says he had a good weekend?"

Lori gave Noel a reluctant grin; she knew people like that and could identify with his example far too well.

"They both went through the exact same experience. One created an awful incident by focusing all his energy on the negative; the other let it go and moved on to something that was positive."

Noel looked at each person in turn, drawing them in. "We each of us have the ability to make a heaven or a hell here on earth, simply by how we view life. But think of it this way: life is just a rhythm, like a heartbeat. The beating of the heart is a pushing out and coming back. That is the polarity of all life – it goes out and comes back. Out, back. Do you think the going out is good and the coming back is bad? Or vice versa? It just is. The same with all of life – everything goes out to fear and comes back to love. One is not good and the other bad – both are necessary. It is just the heart beating."

**********

Lori swallowed thickly. Noel made everything sound so logical...yet it went against everything she'd been taught and thought she believed up to this point. He had asked her before to just try thinking differently and see if it changed things; she seemed to fluctuate between wanting to believe him and feeling she was being duped by a con artist. And she knew what Noel would say to that, too: feeling duped was a product of her fears and until she chose love over fear she'd never get to the level where things would change for her.

She made a low growl of frustration in her throat. This was far too complicated. Why couldn't things be simple? Why couldn't there just be a flat-out, black-and-white answer?

She looked up to see him studying her again from across the room.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" she asked in humorous exasperation.

He lifted his chin slightly, as though he were bracing for her response. "Because you're angry with me and I don't know why."

She gave an uncomfortable laugh. "I'm not angry with you."

He ran his thumb and forefinger over his beard at that. "You are. I've touched a nerve. Why?"

Lori glanced at Jeret and Lynta but they remained silent on the couch. Jeret shrugged slightly, cocking an eyebrow that said more powerfully than words, wish I could help you out on this one, but you're on your own.

"Alright," Lori said, sitting back deeply in the chair, "if I'm angry I guess it's because I didn't like what you said this afternoon about Cody and me choosing his death. I did not want him to die and you can say that he chose it at a higher level but it doesn't make it any easier. I'd give anything to have him back."

"Lori, how much do you know about snow leopards?" Noel asked out of the blue.

Lori blinked in surprise. "What? Not much, I suppose."

Noel gave Jeret a look for confirmation then went on, "What you see at the Toronto Zoo isn't how the cats would behave in the wild. Snow leopards are notorious for being loners. They hunt alone and spend roughly 98% of their lives hunting and living independently. They only meet up with others to mate and then go on their way again. Self-reliance is a powerful force with the snow leopard."

"What does that have to do with Cody's death?" Lori asked softly.

Noel was silent for a moment and Lori waited impatiently for his answer. "Maybe he had to go, so you could learn to make it on your own," he finally said, with a tenderness in his voice that softened his words.

When she didn't say anything, but instead remained fixed in space, staring at him with sorrow pouring out of her eyes, he continued. "Think about it, Lori," he urged. "Since you were a child, haven't you been surrounded by people who looked out for you, protected you?"

Lori thought about the question and immediately faces came forward in her mind's eye of those who had looked out for her: her father and mother, older brothers, Cody, Shannon and Mark...even Jesse, Rick and Rita had made her feel included and sheltered at times.

"Yes," she acknowledged.

"And since his death," Noel continued, "haven't you had to tap into resources deep inside yourself to keep going, rather than rely on others?"

"Yes," she whispered, thinking of the struggles she'd been through since Cody's death, the things she'd had to do on her own.

"You're a much stronger woman today than you were last year. That's Cody's gift to you."

Lori grimaced and shook her head. "But why did he have to die for that, Noel?" she pleaded, still not understanding. "I could have learned to be independent without him dying –" She broke off on a sob and rubbed a hand over her eyes to stifle the tears and shield her from the sympathetic looks of Jeret and Lynta.

Noel stood up and walked over to her, kneeling down next to her chair and resting his hands on her leg. "Lori, you view the situation now as something you should feel guilty for – as though Cody had to give up something in order for you to gain your independence."

She turned to look incredulously at him. "But he did! He gave up his life for me, is what you're saying!"

Noel looked up at her and shook his head. "No. He didn't give up anything, Lori. He gained...everything. Do you honestly believe there's less where Cody is now?"

She paused, thinking about where Cody might be.

"No, I guess not," she conceded.

Noel squeezed her leg lightly. "There are no losers in this, Lori. There can't be because nothing's ever lost."

**********

Lori stood out on the porch in the dark, listening to Noel rattle dishes in the kitchen as he made them tea. Lynta and Jeret had just driven away into the night and she knew she should get inside soon – the cold was penetrating the layers of the cardigan sweater she'd wrapped around herself and her breath steamed out in white wisps. The first few snowflakes of the season were drifting around in the sky; she wondered if they'd have any on the ground come morning.

Still she lingered on the porch, not wanting to start up another conversation with Noel. He had given her a lot to think about, that was certain. She felt herself unwittingly maturing and dug her heels in rebelliously. What was so wrong about wanting to have someone protect her, anyway? Why should she be alone just because a snow leopard lived that way? She wasn't a bloody cat, after all. She came from old farming stock and in that way of life, women fell in love, got married, and had babies – that was the natural order, the way she wanted it to be. She had her job – it wasn't like she was living the '50s American housewife existence, but that didn't mean she didn't like the idea of home and family surrounding her, either. It was ridiculous to think Cody would have left because of that. Ridiculous.

The first one came so quickly, she barely had time to gasp before it was gone and she was left wondering if she had just imagined it. Then the second falling star shot across the sky, burning out in a streak of flame, and she gasped again. She turned to look into the house and saw Noel was just coming out the door.

"Noel! Come quick! Look!" She pointed out to the night sky as a third meteor went streaking above the trees in the front yard.

"Wow," he murmured softly as he came up behind her, setting the mugs of tea down on the porch railing but never taking his eyes from the meteor shower.

He stood behind her and they watched in rapt silence as one after another the meteors blazed out their final light in the darkness. Lori shivered briefly as one particularly bright one flared out near the horizon and then jumped imperceptibly as Noel wrapped his arms around her.

"Are you cold?" he murmured softly and she nodded.

He gathered her in against his chest and rubbed her exposed arm vigorously until his body heat enveloped her. She could feel her heart pounding like a native singer's drum as he held her. Certainly he'd touched her before, but this was completely unlike the emotions she'd felt then. This meant something altogether different, tonight.

"There's another one," he whispered in fascination, his breath ruffling her hair and curling around her left ear.

She felt as though she were being drawn back by a magnet and summoned the courage to lean back against him.

"'Panther leaping across the sky,'" she said softly and felt him tense ever so slightly behind her.

"Yes," he acknowledged. "This is how it begins," he added cryptically.

She turned to look at him and his arms barely loosened enough for her to pivot and face him. He kept her close and she could feel his heart was pounding, too. Somehow or other, her arms had made their way around his shoulders and he gathered her in close against him, his eyes as black as the night around them. He leaned forward, slowly as a cat following a particularly tantalizing bit of prey, and kissed her.

The kiss was deep, slow, and thorough, leaving Lori breathless and bent back over the porch rail slightly. His arms remained supporting her, but his lips lifted slightly off hers with a groan and she could feel the warmth of his hands on the small of her back.

"Ah, Lori," he breathed and then his mouth returned to her cheek and jaw line, buried itself in the soft, warm skin of her neck before returning to caress her lips with his own in a second hungry kiss.

She had just taken the first tentative steps towards stroking his raven hair, her fingers buried in the inky locks, when she felt him tense again and a thrill of danger washed over her as she opened her eyes and saw the expression on his face. He was staring out past her at something in the driveway, his eyes riveted as he held her tightly against him, breathing raggedly.

"Lori," he said softly, and the hair rose up on the back of her neck at the tone of his voice. "Do you remember what I said about choosing love or fear in every moment?"

She nodded, though he must have felt her response rather than saw it, since his eyes never left what he was watching out behind her in the dark.

"Choose love," he said and pulled her up to a standing position off the porch rail.

He turned her gently and Lori swivelled around until she was facing the driveway, too.

At first, she didn't see them. They were deep in the shadows, away from the light of the house, but when they saw her move it was as though she'd invited them forward and they slid, ghostly, up the cobbled walkway to the porch.

The black panther was in the lead, a great, monumental hunter of alarming proportions. He moved with a killer's grace up the walk and slid up onto the porch as though he owned the place, his searing yellow eyes standing out dramatically against his blue-black fur.

The snow leopard was more delicate of feature and the intensity of her gaze was lessened by the fuzziness of her face, yet she, too, moved with a lethal elegance up onto the porch and took her place next to the panther as they stood in front of the door, looking up at the humans.

"Noel," Lori whimpered, petrified, and he grabbed her left hand with his right, interlacing their fingers tightly.

"Shhh," he soothed. "It's alright. I know this guy."

He let go of her hand and squatted down in front of the panther, sending Lori into paroxysms of fear. "Choose love," Noel reminded her from the deck boards.

He reached out, palm extended, and let the big black cat smell his hand. The panther licked it in familiarity and Noel smiled, lightly rubbing the enormous black head between the ears.

"Lori, allow me to introduce you to my shadow – the one who has been visiting me since I was a child." The panther looked at Noel with eyes full of understanding and lifted an impressive, heavy paw to rest across Noel's arm, effectively claiming him.

Lori noticed her mouth had gone completely dry and tried with difficulty to swallow. "Is that Min?" she finally choked out as she watched the lighter-boned grey leopard take a delicate step forward and sniff the air around Lori.

"No," Noel said softly, turning to look at the female cat with appreciation. "Min is a messenger, there at the zoo. This one is part of the mist – she's yours. I'm thinking she is similar to my companion, here – not everyone can see them. They are...spirit. Not skin. But they're here to help us, I think."

"Well, they look real to me," Lori breathed.

"Oh, they're real," Noel assured her. "But not everyone can see them. Only those that look." He reached out to stroke the cheek of the snow leopard and she leaned heavily against his hand in greeting.

"Come down," Noel encouraged, looking up at her.

Lori knelt next to him, her legs shaking all the way down, and was immediately greeted with the grey-green eyes of the snow leopard inches from her own. She felt as though she were staring into the eyes of the oldest soul in the universe. Human and cat read each other's lives, exchanged histories, as they looked into one another and it felt as though an eternity passed for Lori before the black panther stepped forward and butted heads with her in greeting.

Lori laughed in shock and lightly pushed the panther away. "Hello, Noel's shadow," she said. "Would you and Mist like to come in?"

Lori glanced at Noel, not sure of the protocol of inviting spirit-cats into the house, and found he was smiling at her.

"Mist?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow. "I like that."

"Yes, well," Lori explained, "you said she came out of the mist...it seemed fitting." She paused and shrugged her shoulders. "As long as she likes it, I guess we're okay."

**********

Noel watched as Lori opened the front door and Mist and Shadow walked gracefully inside with a casual assumption that the place now belonged to them. Their presence was undeniable – the energy around them was intense – and he couldn't help but constantly look down at them as they glided around the house. The kittens were fascinated by them and followed their large counterparts around as though they were long-lost parents. He noticed that Lori, too, kept watching them, obviously affected by the highly-charged atmosphere that surrounded the big cats.

He didn't know whether to be upset or grateful for their arrival. Those kisses on the porch had been the most intoxicating thing Noel had ever experienced and if the leopards hadn't shown up, there's no telling where he'd be right now. But Noel also knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had made a mistake tonight. Even after telling her that self-reliance was the most important gift Cody had given her, even after trying to stress how important it was for her to be alone, he had wanted more than anything to take her upstairs and become an integral part of her life.

If she had whispered to him, there on the porch tonight, that she wanted to rely on him for the rest of her life, he would have accepted in a heartbeat. And where would that have gotten them? What could she possibly learn about self-reliance if he was here, taking care of her?

Well, blast it, anyway, he thought as he watched the kittens attack Mist's long tail in the kitchen. Leave it to you, Noel, to fall in love with the one woman who shouldn't fall in love with anyone.

He sighed heavily and looked over to see that he was being watched by Shadow. The panther came over, striding with a heavy, deliberate purpose and looked at Noel out of the tops of his eyes, his expression eloquent without making a sound. Noel reached out and caressed the big head, then murmured "thank you" so only Shadow could hear.

The cat seemed to understand, as well: after brushing his body against Noel's legs, he walked over to the living room and lied down between the couch and loveseat, essentially making himself comfortable for the night. They weren't going anywhere soon, apparently.

Mist made her way over, as well, drawing Lori behind her to the loveseat and when Lori sank down onto the cushions, the snow leopard jumped up next to Lori and put her paws across Lori's lap, effectively blocking Noel from any further contact. He sat down on the couch and Shadow moved over to lie across Noel's feet. Noel patted him absently while Lori tentatively stroked the cheeks of the leopard near her face.

"Has Shadow ever...er...hurt you, Noel?" she asked as she continued to rub her knuckles against Mist's face.

Noel shook his head. "No. Mist is here to protect you, Lori. And guide you. They won't harm us – you can trust them implicitly."

"But they look so dangerous," she said as she shifted slightly under the weight of her cat.

"Well, they can be – don't think they're not capable of hurting someone. But it won't be you."

Mist's exceptionally long tail flicked back and forth over the arm of the loveseat, tapping out a rhythm in time to Lori's petting.

"Where did they come from?" she finally asked in a whisper, obviously in awe of the regal animal at her side.

"I'm not sure," Noel admitted. "I don't remember the first time Shadow came to me – it was probably in a dream. I was pretty young. So I don't remember how I called him the first time, but since then...he's just shown up every time I've called for him to be there."

Lori glanced at him, then back at the leopard. He noticed that her hair was eerily similar to the coat of Mist; there were definite black rings forming in the grey now.

"Did you call Shadow tonight then?" she asked softly.

Noel shook his head then realized she probably wasn't looking at him. "No. I think he's here tonight to bring Mist to you. I'll have to call Jeret and Lynta and see if they've had any brushes with their cats when they get home tonight, too. They've only had dreams about the jaguarundi and lynx – just like you had – up until this point. I wonder if all of the cats are being summoned tonight."

Lori looked at him sharply. "Do you think the meteor shower had something to do with it?"

Noel shrugged. "Anything's possible, I suppose. I guess only time will tell."

He kept to himself his other suspicions.

Chapter 19

True to her word, Lori returned to the doctor a week after her last visit, anxious to see what the outcome would be. Mist and Shadow had remained through the night that first evening, while Noel and she stayed up talking about Noel's memories of Shadow's previous visits.

In the following morning, when she had come downstairs from her bedroom, she found Noel making her breakfast and the big cats gone. They had pointedly stuck to discussing the absence of Shadow and Mist and avoided all discussion of the kiss. Lori had attempted a few times, awkwardly, to steer the conversation back to that time on the porch, but Noel was either oblivious or was purposefully deflecting the subject. He had made no further moves towards her and she was hurt and confused by the distance she felt between them.

Still, he had been a great help in driving her to the doctor today and he was still one of her closest friends at present, so she resolved herself to shut down the feelings he'd stirred in her that night and pretend it had never happened, just like he was doing.

But it was difficult to do when he sat so confidently in the chair across the room, his sleek black hair, beard-moustache combination, and blazing black eyes reminding her of some handsome, rakish swashbuckler of old. All he needed was a cutlass at his side and a gold tooth or two and he would fit the bill entirely.

Her thoughts were abruptly ended by the doctor coming into the room with an astounded look on his face yet again.

"You are completely healed," he announced without preamble. "I cannot believe it, but you are."

Lori shot Noel a look that he returned in full measure. The kittens had been faithfully purring against her hand every night and clearly had done miraculous work...but it wasn't something that could be discussed or divulged with the doctor.

He gave clearance for the cast to come off and when all was finished and Lori could once again freely move her hand, they headed home. Noel suggested they stop at a local drive-in for a treat and Lori agreed with eagerness.

She ordered French fries and a chocolate malt and watched Noel from the corner of her eyes as she ate in the truck. She still wanted to bring up the kiss, wanted to ask him where they went from here, but she wasn't certain how to begin. While she was framing the words, however, Noel started a conversation of his own.

"Lori, now that you've got use of your hand again...do you think maybe you could handle things around the farm on your own?"

She paused in mid-bite of a fry, setting it back down in the basket in her lap, and turned to look at him. He wouldn't meet her eyes – instead he studied the windshield wiper in front of him – and she cleared her throat nervously.

"I suppose...but you don't have to leave if you don't want to, Noel. I thought...maybe..."

He said softly, firmly, "I should be getting back to Toronto, Lori."

"Oh." She looked down at her lap, devastated.

There was a charged silence between them and she could feel him now looking at her, but she didn't know what to say and certainly didn't want to show him how painful his sudden rejection was.

"Lori, I do appreciate the offer and for me, personally, I would love to stay with you."

He placed a couple of fingers under her chin and raised her head so that she looked head-on into his intense gaze. "I would," he emphasized. "But you know that Jeret and Lynta also met their cats for the first time the night Mist and Shadow came to us and I have to get back and see what it all means."

He lightly removed his fingers and she felt her head tip up subtly, following his touch. She gave him a deep, searching look for a moment, needing more, but he didn't speak.

"So that other night...during the meteor shower...that's...over now?" She could barely say the words and they came out in the voice of a little girl.

His gaze sharpened on her and he reached out to hold her hand, his other coming back to her face, this time to cup her cheek.

"No, it's not over," he assured her with a passion in his voice that warmed her heart. "It's just beginning. But I can't stay with you, Lori. We've talked about this before. You're here to learn something about yourself. Everything that's happened to you in the past year...it's all to help you on your journey to become a beautiful, self-reliant woman. And I can't help you with that if I'm here. But Heaven knows...I want to be," he added with a rueful smile.

Lori reached up with her newly-unbound right hand and placed it over his hand on her cheek. "But Noel, I don't understand. If we both want to be together, then why is it so wrong for us to choose that? Who says I can't learn self-reliance with you here?"

He gave her a long look of regret and shook his head. "Because the very nature of your question shows that you don't understand what self-reliance truly means. Besides – it's too soon for either one of us. Things are happening too quickly and we both need to have some time away to reflect. You're too much of a distraction to me," he added with a grin.

She leaned forward, to test the sincerity of his words, and was rewarded with an immediate response as he pulled her to him and kissed her soundly. She instinctively reached down to keep the fries from tipping and then lost consciousness of all other practical concerns as she answered the urgency of his mouth. There was a deep, dark undercurrent when Noel kissed her that she hadn't ever experienced before; it was like tasting a food she'd never consumed and exploring each bite to reveal the ingredients.

Both of his hands were now framing her face and he was putting just enough pressure on her skull to hold her still as he plumbed the depths of her soul. She had surrendered completely to him already, her heart pounding in her chest as he carried on with his exploration. Suddenly, however, he broke off with a ragged gasp and uttered her name with frustration.

"Not yet," he panted as his fingers lightly squeezed the nape of her neck. "Just...not yet, okay?"

She realized she was breathing heavily, too, and could do nothing but nod as they rested their heads against one another, trying to regain their equilibrium.

"Can you try – again – to explain to me what the snow leopard and my learning to rely on myself have in common? Just so I understand why you have to go?"

He kissed her lightly on the forehead and let her go. His leaving felt like being plunged into a bath of icy water after sitting close to a campfire and she shivered slightly as she sat back.

Noel sat back, too, and put his hands on the steering wheel of his truck as though to keep them occupied while he talked.

"Native peoples believe that each person is visited by a spirit animal – a totem – that comes to guide that human on their personal journey. And from what I know of the snow leopard, it is a solitary hunter. They feed and live mostly alone, only meeting up with others to mate and raise their cubs and even then the mother will send her young off to live alone when they're a year old."

"It sounds harsh," Lori observed.

"Well, like all things that depends on your perspective," Noel answered with a small smile. "The elders believe that like the snow leopard, humans who are touched by them will face many situations in their lives that will help to develop their ability to rely upon and trust the Inner Self. They are in essence being moulded to handle all that life throws their way...and certainly that's a valuable ability to have."

"Hmmm," Lori conceded. "That may be...but it sounds very lonely to me."

Noel looked at her quietly for a moment, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the nodules on the steering wheel. "It doesn't mean that the snow leopard doesn't long for a mate," he said softly. "It just means that they need time alone to do their thinking and assess their feelings. If they don't get that time apart, it can be damaging to their sense of freedom. They can begin to feel trapped."

Lori glanced down at her lap briefly and picked up another fry. She chewed thoughtfully, processing what Noel was saying to her.

"Self-reliance can bring about what some perceive to be harsh lessons," Noel continued. "It usually brings up feelings of abandonment or rejection but that's only because the one experiencing them hasn't learned to start listening to the Inner Voice yet."

Noel shifted slightly in the seat and reached over to smooth a lock of Lori's hair back into place behind her ear. "My fervent hope, Lori, is that you wouldn't see my leaving as abandonment, but I'll understand if you do. You've felt rejection in the past, I think?"

She thought back over the last year and had to admit there had been immense feelings of desolation as one after another of her friends and family had appeared to abandon her. She nodded and swallowed the French fry. It felt dry and seemed to stick in her throat.

"I've felt like I've lost everybody this year, in one way or another," she said and was alarmed when her voice cracked with emotion. "First Cody, of course...but even my mom, pulling her and dad away and saying I could 'handle it on my own'...and then Anne not letting Jesse help me when I needed him the most around the place...and even Shannon and Mark not being around every time I've needed them. I've felt very alone at times," she added, welling up with an immense feeling of self-pity.

"Yes." It was all Noel said, but it triggered the tears as she realized he really did understand. She set the fries aside on the seat next to her and slowly leaned in against him as he opened up his arm and gathered her in.

She cried until she felt his suede coat getting damp under her face, only then pulling back to apologize as she wiped her tears away and mopped at the fringe on his jacket with a napkin.

"It's alright, Lori," he said gently as he took the napkin from her and stilled her hands. "But can you see, maybe, how all they've done has been for the good of you? And not to harm you in any way?"

She furrowed her brow, puzzled, and he explained further.

"You told me once that you and Cody had been having fights before he flew that last time, where you were upset that he left you alone and expected you to look after the place."

She nodded mutely.

"Can you now see the blessing in those trips he made? They were a small taste of the work you would have to do at the farm on your own – permanently – once he died. In effect, those trips were conditioning you to the life you would be leading now. There was almost a gradual elimination of your dependence on Cody – first with the trips and then with his death," Noel reflected.

Lori wiped her nose on a napkin, still listening and thinking about what Noel said.

"And I've seen first-hand how protective your father is of you," Noel added. "While it's certainly important for parents to protect their children, there comes a time when they have to be released...when they have to stand on their own two feet and make a go of it...because parents don't live forever, either."

Lori heard a tinge of sadness in Noel's voice with that statement that caused her to look up at him quickly. She secretly wondered about his own parents' deaths and how it had affected him.

"So while you may look at your mother as being less sympathetic with your needs than your dad, she may actually be helping you more than he is at this point in your life. She's the one coaching you towards self-reliance even as she stands behind you and silently supports."

"Tough love," Lori murmured with a little laugh.

Noel smiled at her. "Maybe. And while Anne might be keeping you away from Jesse for all the 'wrong' reasons, you have to admit she is helping you develop reliance on yourself rather than trying to replace Cody with Jesse."

Lori started back at that. "I am not trying to replace Cody!"

Noel gave her a knowing look. "Not for all things, no. But maybe for some, Lori?"

She thought about how she had reacted to Jesse's help around the farm...just like Cody used to do. And how he sometimes looked exactly like his brother with certain expressions. "Maybe some," she mumbled.

Noel reached over and squeezed her knee, acknowledging her confession.

"We're all here to support you in the best way we know how, Lori. But we're supporting you in a goal that you – or we – may not even be conscious of. With a snow leopard totem, you're being asked to listen to the Inner Voice – the Divine within you – and trust yourself and your own abilities. Once we recognize that Voice and follow its direction, we can't be led astray. And you'll find you'll never be alone again once you follow that course."

Lori mulled that over for a few moments and saw the validity of what Noel was saying, but there was still one image she couldn't shake from her mind's eye.

"That's all well and good, Noel, but what if you know your Inner Voice has told you you're not going to be alone?"

Noel cocked an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't going to tell you about this until I knew you better, but around the time that we met, I had a dream where I was sitting in the apartment above the barn – where you stayed the first few times you were here – and in the dream, someone was making me supper. I'm pretty sure, now, that it was you because the black panther was in the dream, too. At first, it was Bear but the next time I looked down, it was Shadow and he was talking to me."

Noel looked at her fixedly, his eyes focused like those of a bird of prey. "You dreamt of Shadow?"

"Yes. Is that disturbing to you?"

Noel sat back in amazement. "Not disturbing, no. But...nobody else has ever been visited by him. That's...unique."

"Well, I'm not sure it was Shadow so much as it was you, transformed. You seemed to switch from human to panther and back again. It was pretty convoluted."

"Mmm."

"Anyway, you were staying in the loft, like permanently, in the dream. And I...well, we were more than friends, you could just tell from how familiar we were with each other. And we said we loved each other," she whispered, almost embarrassed to say it.

Noel looked over at her and their eyes met for an eternal second. "I do love you," he said softly. "But I don't want you to mistake need for love. And if I stay right now, you will. It's too soon, Lori."

She looked out the window, forcing herself to not take his words personally, to not take it as a form of rejection. He had just told her he loved her, after all – why should she feel so hollow?

"Besides," he continued as she firmed her chin, "I really did mean what I said about the cats and Jeret and Lynta. I think we're getting close to something happening. I think there are others coming soon, Lori. I've been seeing flashes of images when I meditate lately. I've been seeing other people joining us in the not-too-distant future and I really think I need to be back by the zoo since the cats there are communicating to me as they can."

Lori studied Noel intently; there was an odd pitch to his voice when he spoke of the others coming that she didn't know how to interpret. She would have said excitement mixed with fear, perhaps, if it were any other person but Noel speaking. He wasn't susceptible to fears but he sounded uncharacteristically concerned.

He was looking far off into the distance – one that spoke of not only space but a different time, as well. That made her even more uneasy.

"Noel, are we going to be okay?"

It took him several heartbeats to come back from wherever he was, but he gave her an uncertain smile when he realized her question.

"Don't worry, Lori. Nothing ever gets better because of worrying."

It was not what she wanted to hear.

Chapter 20

He left, again. And she turned her thoughts from him and got on with her life. Again. Since she had nothing else to keep her occupied, she turned to putting most of her efforts into training the horses on the property. An undecided November gave way to a true, wintry December and by the middle of the month, there was a good foot of snow on the ground.

This presented a whole new host of challenges that Lori hadn't considered within the safe confines of August. The snow blower Cody had purchased when they first moved to the farm was immense. While it was self-propelled, it was a heavy piece of machinery and Lori spent several frustrating days attempting to manoeuvre the beast around the property until she got the hang of it. The first day she had tried to start it, she had done so without reading the manual and it hadn't gone well. Frustrated, she'd come into the house, ready to ask the first man she could get on the phone – be that father, brother, in-law or neighbour – to come help. But then she thought of Noel and all he had said to her of relying on her own strengths and ingenuity and she had put down the receiver.

Instead, she'd found the manual, read how to prepare the engine, and cut a meandering path through the snow to the barn. It was uneven in spots and Lori was soaked through from sweating when all was said and done, but she had accomplished it herself and took immense pride in that. She knew from experience with horse training that the more you practiced something, the easier it became, so she had confidence her paths would get better in time and the snow would not defeat her.

Some would have said that it was a lonely existence for Lori during the short, cold days of that winter and there were times when she would have agreed with them. She was fine in the pitch black of a 6:00 morning because she spent no more time in the house than what was required to heat up a cup of tea, feed the kittens, throw some wood on the furnace and grab a granola bar. She went immediately to the barn after that and spent the rest of the morning in the company of the horses under the dim lights of the aisle ways. The warmth from horseflesh, stacked hay and hard work was enough that Lori saw no reason to head to the house until after the stalls were mucked.

She would grab a quick sandwich or soup for lunch and then begin the concentrated training on all six horses currently in her care. First came Rick's and Curtis' horses, since they were her only source of income at present. Curtis' colt had come a long way since their first disastrous sessions and with Lori doing a million forms of desensitization, he was becoming a calm – yet athletic – young stud. Still, Curtis had asked Lori to keep him longer than the originally-decided 90 days so that the colt was completely ready for the spring. Rick's mare was a dream to work with in contrast, since she was at the point of refinement in reining. This type of training was past the point of work for Lori – when you had a mare of her calibre under the saddle, it was just plain fun to train them. She spent the dedicated hour each day with the mare working on flying lead changes, spins and sliding stops and inevitably ended their sessions with a huge grin on her face.

She then moved on to the big grey thoroughbred she'd purchased at auction. He was a breeze to train and she'd borrowed an English saddle from Shannon to get him started on the riding portion of his career. As she had mentioned to Noel at the auction in October, she had it in mind to get this gelding in top form for jumping and dressage, with the intention to have Curtis take a look at him. If she could "flip" this one with somebody at Curtis' level, the gelding could just about pay for next year's hay on his own.

She wound up the serious training with the flashy little bay mare that had almost gotten away from her at the auction. As she had anticipated, a little more desensitizing had gone a long way with this mare and within the first month, she had settled to a quiet – yet responsive – gaming horse. Lori planned to start setting up barrels and poles in the indoor arena by the end of December and had started to tone the mare up already with a lot of walk-trot-canter transitions. If she was in show form by April, Lori knew several barrel racers who would snatch her up in a heartbeat.

Ebony and Piper Lori always saved for last. They were her darlings and her chance to unwind at the end of the day. It hadn't taken long for Ebony to remember the things Lori had begun to teach her last year and Piper, of course, was his reliable, "true partner" self. He was bored in the arena, she knew – he'd been there and done so much of that already with her that she was constantly striving to come up with new things to keep him entertained during the winter. She was seriously debating the idea of picking up a calf or two to let him "work" but didn't exactly relish the thought of upkeep on more livestock. Instead, she settled with getting one of the large inflatable balls they now made for horses and she and Piper played a one-person version of soccer from one end of the arena to the other.

At least it seemed to keep Piper from going stir-crazy and Lori ended her days exhausted but happy which was always a plus when she tried to go to sleep. It was only then that a true loneliness crept into the house with her and she had to fight to keep the demons at bay. The kittens were certainly a consolation, but if she didn't hear from her parents or Noel on weekly phone calls, it was hard to ignore the lack of other humans in her life.

Then, too, there were nights when she could swear Cody was there in the room with her. She'd catch a whiff of his cologne or feel a weight pressed up against her leg in the dark and she'd open her eyes, straining to see his form in the shadows. There were even a few times she'd whispered "hey" into the gloom, hoping to get a response, but of course there never was one.

She hoped he was okay with her feelings about Noel. She hoped he understood that she had to move on. But truth be told, she didn't quite understand it herself.

Nor did she forgive it.

**********

The forecasters had been calling for the blizzard since the day before so Lori had ample opportunity to get into town, purchase more food for the pantry and ensure she had diesel for the generator in case she lost power. She was working with the bay mare when she heard the wind starting to whistle around the dome of the indoor arena so she called an untimely end to the training at an opportune moment and got all the horses safely tucked back into the barn.

The snow and wind blasted her as she made her way back to the arena with hay for Curtis' stallion, causing her to tuck her head deep into the turtleneck and down vest she was wearing. The flakes were more like stinging pellets of ice with the strong wind and when she saw Bear hunkered down along the breadth of the building she made a beeline to him before returning to the house.

"What are you doing, you silly cat? Get in where it's warm!"

He meowed plaintively at her and looked longingly across the wind-swept yard to the barn. For him, the distance in the already-deep snow must have seemed a vast expanse and Lori hesitated for a moment, trying to decide how best to provide assistance.

"Well, I'll help you," she called to him through the wind, "but you'll have to let me carry you. Are you ready for that?"

He meowed again – loudly – and she squatted down beside him, letting her hands fall to her sides in an unthreatening posture. She had vowed that by Christmas she'd be touching this cat and they certainly had reached that level of friendship with Noel's help, but to pick up a feral cat was a whole different element of trust.

On instinct, Lori unzipped her vest, demonstrating to Bear how warm and comforting it would be to let her pick him up and the brown tabby did tentatively step into the shelter of her arms. She waited until he chose to step up onto her bent knee himself and then she slowly, calmly scooped him up and held him for a moment against her chest. She remained squatting for a time so that if he did decide he didn't care for this he wouldn't have to push too far away and fall, but he stayed close to her and she got up.

By the time she got him back to the barn he was actually purring against her but she didn't overstay her welcome – as soon as they got inside by the horses, she walked over to several stacks of hay and turned him loose.

Bear slipped out of her hands and onto a hay bale nearby, still purring, and Lori grinned at him with a shake of her head.

"You never cease to amaze me, cat," she murmured. "Let me get you some food and then we're calling it a night."

The wind sounded awful outside as she and the kittens burrowed down into the duvet in Lori's bedroom about an hour later. Lori had gotten a good fire going in the furnace, made a quick vegetable stir fry for supper, and changed into her pyjamas, knowing she wasn't going anywhere for the rest of the night.

She had eaten supper in bed, watching the TV Cody had discreetly placed in the corner of the room, contrary to Lori's initial protests. She was glad of the false company now, though – the steady droning of some cop show was making her feel not-so-alone. Leia was lying snuggled against her hip and Luke was draped against her feet but none of that could replace the comfort of another big body in the bed.

Lori sighed and hesitated about turning out the light. It was bad enough to hear the wind outside and the quiet of the house; when it was dark, as well, she felt like the last person alive in the world, cut off from the rest of civilization.

"Please keep me safe," she whispered to Whomever was listening. Then, in sudden inspiration, she thought of Mist and how Noel had said the spirit cats could be summoned at will.

Well, no time like the present for some experimentation, she thought. "Mist," she said aloud, "if you can hear me, I sure would like your company tonight."

Luke and Leia both came fully awake when they heard Lori's voice; her skin crawled at their reaction and there was a brief moment of panic for her when she realized what she might have done. When the kittens both moved to the edge of the bed and sat there, looking at the bedroom door in anticipation, Lori's heart began to pound in her chest.

The creaking on the stairs sent her into sheer, blind terror and when she saw the face of the snow leopard push the bedroom door open further, Lori had to bite down on a scream. She was frozen by the big cat's presence – she felt like a snow hare, trapped in the feline's gaze – but her kittens felt no qualms whatsoever and had jumped down to welcome their surrogate mother.

Mist rubbed her head against them in greeting, causing Lori to relax just a fraction, even though she clutched the duvet tightly against her. The snow leopard looked over to her, the expression eloquent on the big cat's face. You called me here, she seemed to say. Did you mean it or not?

"Okay, I meant it," Lori whispered. "I just didn't expect you so...quickly."

Her spirit-friend padded over to the bed and in a sudden flourish of muscle and sinew jumped onto Cody's side of the mattress. She stood over Lori for a moment, looking calm, regal...and just about like the best bodyguard in the world and Lori couldn't help smiling.

"Well, make yourself comfortable," she invited. "We're all in this together."

And with that, the big grey cat and the two little tabbies sank down on the mattress, settling in against Lori as she turned off the light, secure in the knowledge that whatever happened, she wasn't alone.

**********

The next morning, Mist left as Lori was making breakfast, leaving no trace of a track on the newly fallen snow. Lori even restrained herself enough to not phone Noel to tell him about it, though she did record it in her journal. The snow had continued throughout the night and they were starting to get legitimate banks and drifting across the roads and fields. She could see one of her neighbours out with his tractor, pumping big white geysers of snow out of his driveway with his industrial blower. She fervently hoped he would stop by and at least cut her a path to the road since just blowing the smaller trails back to the barn would take her most of the day.

So much for training the horses today, she thought ruefully. She'd struggle through the drifts this morning to feed them and then return to do a thorough job with the snow blower, but she'd be lucky to have made a wide path to the barn by noon and then stalls had to be cleaned and she'd have to turn them out in the indoor arena for some exercise together.

Given the day she had ahead of her, she almost wept for joy when her neighbour did in fact pull into her driveway a short time later. She waved to him and came out with a steaming thermos of coffee in gratitude.

"Thanks so much for clearing my driveway, Pete," she shouted above the din of his tractor. She handed the thermos up to the grey-haired, bespectacled farmer and he gave her a small salute with the mug once he had some coffee poured.

"Not a problem, Lori," he assured her after taking a deep swallow. "We have to look out for each other on days like today, don't we?"

She nodded. "You got that right – I just wish I could do more than give you some coffee! What kind of beer do you drink?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Nah, I'm more of a rye guy myself."

"Will do – next time I'm at the liquor store, I'll remember you!"

He ducked his head to take another sip of the coffee. "Hey – you haven't heard anymore about that cougar, have you?" he called before putting the tractor back into gear. "I remember we had quite a scare around here back in the summer. The missus was asking me about it this past weekend."

Lori stuffed her hands into the pockets of her down vest and shook her head. "No, I think he's gone for good."

"That's good," he affirmed. "Well, guess I'd better get back to it – there're a few more neighbours I want to get cleared out yet this morning."

"Okay," she called. "I should get going, too – I've got to make a trail to the barn yet."

Pete paused and looked down at her. "What're you using? That big snow blower I saw you struggling with the other day?"

She nodded.

"D'you want me to come back later and clear that out for you, too? I don't mind."

Lori shook her head with a smile on her face. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. I can do it myself."

Pete put in the clutch and shoved the tractor into gear. "Suit yourself," he answered. "Just let me know if you need help!"

Lori gave him the thumbs up and turned back to the house, confident that that was one call she wouldn't have to make.

**********

While the horses were playing in the indoor arena and Curtis' stallion was safely tucked away inside a makeshift holding pen she'd set up at one end with roundpen panels, Lori headed back to the house. With the arrival of Mist last night after Lori's beck and call, she thought it was about time she did some real research on snow leopards. She sat down in the living room with her laptop and ate a hot dog to tide her over; then she started to peruse what the experts had to say.

Most of it was similar to what Noel and Jeret had already told her – snow leopards were solitary cats, preferring to spend most of their lives alone. They were shy, elusive and no known documented cases existed where a snow leopard had ever attacked a human. Lori took a small sense of comfort from that fact. She was also intrigued to read that unlike other large cats, snow leopards were incapable of roaring, but could make a puffing sound through their nostrils called prusten.

Snow leopards' main prey were the mountain goats and ibex also found across the mountain ranges of Asia that the big cats called home; this meant that the cats had adapted not only to extremely cold temperatures, but were capable of astounding feats of bravery as they barrelled down steep slopes and jumped onto narrow ledges. They were even known to leap up to 30 feet, which was six times their own body length, in order to attack prey.

According to the Snow Leopard Trust website, Lori was startled to realize that nobody had a clear sense of just how many leopards still existed in the wild – estimates ranged from 3500 to 7000 – because the cats were that elusive. Then, too, between upset herders who killed them for attacking their sheep, and poachers who hunted them for their pelts and bones (which were used in Asian medicine), their numbers were anticipated to be dramatically decreasing. Lori was so moved by the information she read – and the haunting images she saw that reminded her immediately of Mist – that she made a donation as soon as she finished scanning the site.

It wasn't until she found the stories of the pari legends, however, that Lori felt her skin grow cold. According to the people of Pakistan, Afghanistan, north India and central Asia, the pari – or what they called mergichan – were female supernatural creatures dwelling in the mountain ranges and high pastures of their lands. Humans were only allowed to enter the mergichan realm in the summer – and they had to obtain permission from the mergichan in order to do so. It was believed by the native peoples of these regions that the pari assumed the forms of various animals, one of which was the snow leopard.

One of the others, however, was a horse.

Lori uttered a sound of wonderment, riveted by the account that followed, where the son of a man visited by pari told of their coming to his father. The family claimed the father had a snow leopard that visited him as a spirit animal. All the hairs on the nape of Lori's neck stood erect with those words.

In the evening, the son related, my father went to the spring for water. When he was there, he saw a woman with a white scarf, a pitek. He hid in a low area and stayed there a long time, looking.

"What sort of thing was this?" he thought. People never came there, so a woman would never go there either. Then his uncle came and he said to him, "O Uncle, a woman came here, a woman with a white scarf stood here, and now she has vanished." He said, "Ya Maula, what can it be?"

Well, night fell and they ate dinner and slept. They had nothing but an old blanket. They both covered themselves with that, and slept. In the night, my father dreamt that two horses came with two riders. He dreamt one horse came and passed over him, and one came and sunk its teeth into his leg. He awoke suddenly and something heavy was on his body. He tried to sit up, but he couldn't. It was very heavy. He was still half-asleep, and he moved a little, then shook his blanket and saw a snow leopard, sitting on top of him. And it moved off of him and slowly went outside. It went out, and he felt a lot of pain. He said, "O Uncle, wake up! My leg hurts, something attacked me. Go out and shine a light."

He got up and they made a fire, and saw a lot of blood from his wounds. He was very scared. He said, "What did this to me?" They sat a while, but it didn't return. Then they closed the door with a stone and slept. While they slept, it grabbed the door and tossed the stone aside. It came and yanked their blanket and took it down to the trees. Then they got up and made a fire.

"O God, what is this thing?" they said. They saw it, resembling a snow leopard. It came towards the door of the hut and his uncle was going to shoot it when he fainted. Then the snow leopard became a horse and went away. They sat, waiting until it grew light.

Their companions were at the settled area down river, where they cultivated barley. People were there for harvesting. My father went there, and said, "Someone come with us, and give us a dog, too, we are frightened." They refused to come. He took a dog and tied it at the door that night. At night, the leopard came again and it grabbed that dog and tossed it far away. Again it came and wouldn't let them sleep all night long.

At dawn, they returned to Shimshal. There, the khalifa, or spiritual leader, said that it was a pari. The pari put itself in a snow leopard's skin and attacked them like that.

Then what happened to my father? Then it happened like this, that this pari was with him continuously. It came as a snow leopard. I and my brother Shifa, we both saw it. Our father was with us, at Arbab Purien. We were there together when it came. I saw it first and said, "Ya Ali, what thing has come? A snow leopard." It stood on the far side and didn't come near us. Then it turned and left. And until my father's dying day, that pari was with him, never a danger but always there. A pari in the shape of a snow leopard. That pari was ready to make friends with him, so whenever he was preparing to hunt somewhere, that pari would visit at night in a dream and say, "In such and such place go and hunt. To such and such place don't go and hunt, no game is there." Whether ibex, or whether small game, he would go and it would be there. Such miraculous things happened with him. You can ask other Shimshalis if such things were or not. They will tell you. Up until his death, this was with him.

Then it ended when he went from this world. Now it is no longer like this with us. Pari are not close to us. We live more at ease. My father was different. A snow leopard came to him. This event occurred."

Lori lifted her head from where it had been bent in absorption as she read and stared off into space. The snow leopard became a horse and went away. What on earth were the coincidences of all this, she wondered. What was happening here? Where a snow leopard visits her in dreams then comes to her in real life when she calls? What were the odds of her being female and so unwittingly connected to horses throughout her childhood...and then reading that the pari were interconnected with both horses and snow leopards, too?

Lori connected her printer to the laptop and printed the story she'd just read, folding it neatly up and tucking it into the journal that Noel had bought for her. She would have to talk to him about this one – it was too much of an oddity to be filed away. Even if he couldn't answer her questions, at least another person on the planet could sympathize with what she was going through.

Chapter 21

The next morning, she had a whole lot more to add to her journal. She had dreamt of the snow leopard again – she knew now that it was Mist who was visiting her in sleep, but this particular dream had involved a cat she'd never seen before, as well.

The dream had started back by the volcano, where Lori had been panning for gold in her first dream. Mist's white tip of a tail was still luring her on through the darkness and Lori was still jogging along behind, trying to keep up.

They crested a small hill and Lori could see a lightening of the darkness up ahead; she realized that the pre-dawn was starting and cocked an ear to listen to the birds begin their dawn chorus. She paused for a moment, catching her breath, and Mist stopped, turned back and looked at her with a silent intensity that seemed to say, we must hurry.

Lori nodded, still heaving, and took a few more valuable gulps of air before resuming her trot. They continued on as the sun crept closer and closer to the horizon, but the light was still a soft, muted blend of deep blues and greys when Mist stopped abruptly, raised her head to catch a scent, and puffed softly through her nostrils. She turned on a 45-degree angle from where they had been following the path, staring into the thick jungle foliage off to their right, and waited.

Lori peered into the shadows of the rainforest as she bent over, hands on knees, sucking in air. As her breathing began to still, she walked up to Mist and lightly rested a hand on the great cat's prominent shoulder blade, seeking comfort in her company as they waited. There was a sense of anticipation and a slight tremor of fear or tension throughout the woods, as though every creature within a 5-mile radius knew what was coming and would rather not be a part of it. It made Lori uneasy, too.

She squeezed Mist's shoulder and sent her a silent question: should we run? Mist simply looked at her with those soulful, calm eyes and took another step towards the jungle, putting herself between whatever was out there and her human.

The snow leopard made another huffing sound and drew alert, her thick, rounded ears pricking to attention as she heard something in the jungle. Lori strained her own ears to hear, but nothing came to her. The great cat leaned ahead on one front paw, her long rope of a tail swishing gently around both her and Lori, her entire body denoting action coiled and waiting for release.

Lori saw Mist's whiskers twitch and she craned her head forward, trying to see what the leopard so obviously heard, and it was then she saw the wide, masculine head solidify itself from the shadows with a body that followed, seeming to collect itself and form from the ether around them. Lori gave a soft intake of breath and the creature's liquid gold eyes sharpened on her as it came padding out of the vegetation.

It took her a moment in the dream to identify what it was, but when she saw the black rosettes on its otherwise yellow-gold fur, she knew. It was confirmed a moment later in the sighing of the birds nearby. Jaguar, they called with a fatalistic tone to the word that struck fear in Lori's heart.

She swallowed thickly and burrowed her hand in Mist's fur, holding on to the one friend she knew instinctively could protect her.

The jaguar came steadily, boldly forward. This was his place and all who resided here knew that and respected it. She and Mist coming had disrupted a finely-honed balance in this region.

"You have come," he spoke in a voice heavily accented with a tongue Lori had never heard before.

"You have called," Mist respectfully replied. Lori was astonished to hear her own voice coming from the cat.

"The others?" he asked.

"Coming, too," Mist assured.

"There is one..." the jaguar began.

"Yes. I have felt it, too. We have not seen him," Mist provided.

"It will take a great deal of work," he cautioned.

"Do we have time for that?" Mist asked in that eerily familiar voice.

The jaguar grunted. "Doubtful. But do what you can. If not..." he paused then stretched out a paw, his long, curving claws like mini scythes digging into the earth. "I will take care of it," he promised ominously.

"And Shadow?" Mist asked.

The jaguar tilted his head, listening to something far off; then turned his blazing gold eyes on Lori again.

"He understands. Or he will. Soon...very soon."

The jaguar turned as the sun broke the line of the horizon and the light flooded over the rolling hills around them. He dissolved into the sunshine and Lori awoke to a blinding light flooding into her bedroom.

**********

"That's amazing," Jeret was saying into the phone as Noel came in with the bag of groceries. "That makes it official then, Lori – all four of us have had dreams about a jaguar this week."

Jeret nodded at Noel in greeting and the two roommates looked at each other with significance. Noel set the bag down, dumbfounded, as he listened to Jeret speaking with Lori, then gestured for the phone.

"Hey, Lori? Noel's here now – I'm going to pass you over to him, okay? It was nice speaking to you again."

Noel waited with patience as they said their farewells, but eagerly took the phone when it was handed to him.

"Hello, Beautiful," he greeted her, not sure how the term would be accepted but missing her and needing to say it nonetheless.

"Hey," she answered back. She sounded surprised but pleased by his words.

"You've dreamt of the jaguar, too?" he asked, skipping any other pleasantries.

"Yes," she answered in a breathless sort of way that told Noel exactly how much she had been affected by her dream. As had they all.

For each of them it had been slightly different, a slightly altered message specific for them and their cats, but the fact remained: they had all been called to meet with this stranger in the jungle, accompanied by their spirit friend, and all had mentioned the jaguar speaking of another cat arriving.

"Did you recognize the jaguar, Noel?" Lori was asking him on the phone.

"No, he seems familiar to me, but I think it's just a soul recognition – not someone I've met in this life."

"And do you know who he means by this other?"

Noel shook his head, even though she couldn't see him. "No, but the cats at the zoo are telling me to keep my eyes open – that another is arriving soon."

"Okay," she responded. "Don't make fun of me, but I'm worried about this one – it doesn't sound like a friendly cat, Noel. When Mist and the jaguar were talking, it was as though the jaguar had doubts about its behaviour. And he said we were to do what we could and if we couldn't handle it then he would."

Noel squeezed the phone a bit tighter in his grasp. "Mmm. I got a similar message – Jeret and Lynta didn't. Theirs was more of a 'it will be taken care of so just trust in me' kind of thing. I wonder why it was different for you and me..." he trailed off, having an inkling of exactly the answer to that question.

"Well, I don't know, but it makes me nervous – "

He interrupted her, trying to force his tone to be light and teasing. "And what have I told you about worrying?"

She clucked and answered with a smile in her voice, "That it doesn't help at all...and probably makes things worse."

"Right."

"But Noel...when Mist asked about you, the jaguar said you would understand soon. Do you know what's going on?"

Noel felt the chill go down his spine, the wave of adrenaline causing him to close his eyes momentarily.

"You spoke of me?"

"Well, I didn't," Lori corrected. "Mist asked about Shadow...and the jaguar said 'he understands. Or he will very soon.'"

Noel felt his heart pounding and ran his free hand through his hair, pulling it back off his forehead to cool himself down.

"I think I might know," he acknowledged. "But if I do, it's something I have to handle alone, for now. It will be alright, Lori," he said softly into the phone, willing himself to believe. "We're being protected."

**********

"I have a really funny feeling about this," Jeret murmured to Noel the next afternoon as they stood out front of the small holding area, watching a new addition being added to the mix of big cats.

Noel peered into the cage, trying to see the caracal housed within but all he got were flashes of eyes deep within the recesses of the box and the occasional tuft of an ear or a paw sticking out.

"Well, he clearly doesn't want to be in there," Noel observed as the cat pawed at the door. "How old did they say it was?"

"Only three," Jeret answered, "And pulled directly from the wild, so it's going to have a hard time adjusting – it's not used to humans yet."

Jeret turned away from the cat for a moment to look at Noel, his blue eyes clouded with concern. "Noel, the zoo administrators told me it's had to be tranquilized through the entire trip because it's so aggressive and wired. For the sake of the cat, I'm worried about its health and its ability to fit in here. And for the sake of the human that might be attached to it...." He shrugged his shoulders and left the rest unspoken.

Noel nodded. "Do you think this might be the other one the jaguar spoke of?"

Jeret cocked a pierced eyebrow and tipped his head. "It all seems to fit, doesn't it?"

Noel looked back towards the cage in speculation, watching as two of the handlers cautiously got in position to open the gate on the kennel. "Well," he said as they pulled open the door then scurried to safety as the 30-pound spitfire leaped out of the cage, "they warned us it was coming, didn't they?"

**********

Noel went back to check on the caracal later, hoping it had settled enough to finally "speak" to him in a way that he could understand. Upon its release into an environment set up to resemble its native habitat in western Asia and Africa, the cat had been frantic, racing from one side of the enclosure to another, hissing and spitting in anger.

Noel had stood calmly within view of the cat and breathed in the same rhythm he did for meditation. He'd found in the past the regular, soothing breath worked well with the big cats and he had hoped it would do the same here. But the caracal continued to bound around, voicing its anger to the world, and the thoughts Noel was able to tap into from the cat were jumbled and chaotic.

Now, on his second visit, the cat had at least stopped running around, but Noel feared that was more from exhaustion than it was from coming to an acceptance of its new home. It was lying near a boulder placed off to the left of the enclosure, panting heavily, when Noel arrived but he noticed immediately its attention was riveted on another human off to Noel's right.

He watched the man for several minutes, unobserved, as human and cat locked eyes, and Noel knew they'd found the person the jaguar had named. He was of slim build and not much taller than 5'7", Noel estimated; his skin was the warm honey-brown of an East Indian and his hair was the same jet black as Noel's. Noel would have called their eyes the same tint of obsidian, as well, save for the maniacal gleam that came from his counterpart across the way. Noel kept breathing in a calm, steady way, trying to counteract the energy flooding to him from the other man.

Finally the stranger seemed to pull out of the cat's gaze and looked over to Noel with hostile defensiveness.

"Hello," Noel said, walking towards him with both hands visible, palms up in reassurance.

When he had crossed the gap between them, he extended his right hand in greeting. The man took it uneasily but gave him a firm handshake.

"I'm Nahuel," he offered, not understanding why he made the distinction from what the others called him – why he'd harkened back to his ancestral name – but feeling it was a necessity.

"Iftakar," the man responded stiffly.

Noel nodded. "Do you know this cat?" he asked, gesturing with a tip of his head.

Iftakar laughed uncomfortably. "You could say that," he said, looking down.

"It's a beautiful animal," Noel offered. "The white rings around the eyes are very dramatic. A lot of people aren't familiar with this particular type of big cat."

Iftakar shrugged, clearly uninterested in praising the attributes of the caracal.

Noel took in the other man's posture, his cold eyes, and tried to think of words to break that impenetrable armour.

"Do you ever dream of caracals, Iftakar?" he asked, deciding to put it out in the open.

Iftakar stiffened his spine noticeably and almost gasped at the question. He turned slowly to look at Noel, a haunted look seeping into his eyes.

"Why do you ask?" the East Indian guardedly asked.

Noel shrugged casually, turned and walked a little closer to the enclosure in nonchalance.

"I've had dreams of cats before," he offered, not looking at Iftakar. "In fact, if you'd met me many years ago, you might have seen me standing in front of a black panther's cage in the same way you're doing here."

There was a silence off to his right as Iftakar watched him, but Noel refused to make eye contact.

Finally, the East Indian spoke. "Is that right?" he asked, with an edge to his voice.

Noel nodded, turning around to face Iftakar head on again. "There are others, as well," he said softly.

Iftakar locked eyes with him, scepticism and desperate hope vying for mastery. "How many?" he asked, just as quietly.

Noel shook his head, once. "We don't know yet. Four so far – five, counting you."

"All different cats?"

Noel nodded. He waited until the time was right to offer more hope.

"We can help, maybe."

Iftakar snorted at that. "How?"

"By letting you know you're not alone. By comparing stories, trying to make sense of it."

Iftakar pointed at the caracal. "How can there be sense to this?" he challenged.

Noel looked down, shaking his head. "We're not sure yet, to be honest with you. We're recording what happens and looking for patterns. But I think something is going to happen soon. There seems to be a lot of...omens, shall we say?"

Iftakar continued to eye him and Noel got the distinct feeling of being judged. How do you prove you're trustworthy, he thought to himself, when you're not given the opportunity to demonstrate it?

"Look, if you're ever interested in pursuing it further, just let me know. I'm here most days, as well as my friend, Jeret. We both work here. He's a blond, with lots of piercings and tat-"

"I know who he is," Iftakar interrupted rudely. "I saw him with you earlier."

"Ah," Noel answered. "Then you'll know who to look for," he answered, turning and walking away.

He heard Iftakar snort in derision as he left.

**********

"I need to go into town for some last-minute baking supplies," Shannon announced to Lori over the phone the week before Christmas. "I want you to meet me there – you need to get off that farm for a bit and have some girl time with me."

Lori laughed. "I need girl-time? I think it's you who needs it," she contradicted.

"Well, yes. That's true. I miss talking to you – is there a crime in that?"

Lori smiled into the receiver, touched by her friend's admission. "No crime. I've missed you, too."

She met the petite spitfire at the grocery store in Delhi and they went back to their favourite coffee shop, Just Like Grandma's, afterwards to catch up. There Lori found out that Shannon was seriously contemplating endurance racing the following year; that Mark was looking at a gaited Rocky Mountain Horse since his back had started to act up on the trails; and that the couple was exploring the possibility of putting up a steel barn next year that could be climate-controlled. They were living the high life, certainly.

"And what about you?" Shannon asked before shovelling another forkful of pecan pie into her mouth. "How're things going with Noel?"

"Noel?" Lori asked, taken aback.

Shannon smirked. "Yeah, Noel – you know, that guy that's been hanging around your place on occasion, drooling over you behind your back?"

Lori felt herself go instantly red. "He has not! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Of course you don't," Shannon purred. "He does it behind your back."

Lori shook her head, speechless that someone had noticed.

Shannon watched her friend closely for a moment, then let up on the teasing. "It's good to see, Lori," she said in a gentler tone. "Despite how I felt about him at first, I think he'd treat you right. And he's obviously besotted with you, which can't be bad...can it?"

Lori looked up and straight into Shannon's eyes at that, desperation eloquent on her face.

"I don't know," she started, breathless, "I mean...I wasn't exactly head-over-heels with him myself at first...and there's so many reasons why he really isn't my type...and it's way too soon after Cody...but..."

"But it's nice to feel wanted again, and have somebody there for you," Shannon finished for her.

Lori nodded. "Yeah. I feel safe with him and he understands me...I feel kind of a bond with him, you know? I wouldn't call it love yet, but I do feel happy when he's around."

Shannon set down her fork, reached over and squeezed Lori's hand. "That's a great place to start, Lori. Don't force it to be more than it is right now...and don't beat yourself up for having the feelings to begin with. Cody's passing has left a big hole, but I don't think you're trying to fill it up with Noel. I see it more as a...a detour to a different path you have to take now. It's not necessarily going to be better or worse...just different."

Lori looked down at the tabletop and tried to dislodge the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. She nodded and said quietly, without looking at her married friend across the table, "I still miss him terribly sometimes, though."

She glanced up to find Shannon looking at her through misty eyes. "I know, kiddo. That's natural. And you're bound to have some crazy days ahead – where you're missing Cody and enjoying Noel's company at the same time. But realize that that's normal, too, okay? Don't think you're being a terrible person for getting on with your life. You know Cody would have wanted that."

Lori sighed deeply and sat back in the booth. "How did you get to be such an expert with this kind of thing, Shannon? You almost sound as though you know what you're talking about!"

Lori had intended it as a joke to lighten the mood but Shannon didn't laugh along with her.

"Mark wasn't my first guy, either, you know," she stated. "I had a high-school sweetheart I was certain I was going to marry. We made big plans – even in Grade 10 – that after graduation, we were going to get married, buy a house, start up a business together...we had it all planned out."

She shrugged, looking into the depths of her coffee mug as she thought about that long-ago time.

"What happened?" Lori asked.

Shannon pulled her gaze out of the mug and gave Lori a small smile, full of understanding and empathy. "He was killed in a freak accident when we were 16. He and his dad had gone into an enclosed space on their property to clean it out and they were both overcome with fumes and died."

She looked up at Lori, holding her stare.

"So you really do know what I'm going through," Lori whispered.

Surprisingly, Shannon shook her head. "No, not really. Paul wasn't my husband. And I'd only met him when I was 14 so we didn't have the kind of established relationship that you and Cody did."

Lori shook her head, refusing to diminish the feelings Shannon had experienced. "It doesn't matter. It's the same blow to the system – the same feelings of desolation and abandonment, I bet."

Shannon shrugged a shoulder and took a sip of her coffee. "It was hard for awhile after, absolutely. But Lori...I survived and you will, too. And look at the life I've made for myself now...and the man I've got to share it with. Sometimes, even better things can result from tragedy – don't ever forget that."

Lori nodded and for the first time, thought about a future with Noel.

Chapter 22

She was doing fine after her talk with Shannon, was maybe even feeling a bit optimistic about the future on the drive home. Lori was going home to her parents' place for Christmas and had arranged for Shannon to feed the horses and give them some exercise over the long weekend; she realized suddenly, however, that she wanted to see Noel before all that took place and spent the remainder of her drive from Delhi to the farm going through her mental calendar to see where she could fit a trip to Toronto into the mix. She needed to feel Noel's presence again before she went back to the insanity that would be her parents' house, with her brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews all piled into the four-bedroom home. No doubt she'd be sleeping on the couch while there.

All that optimism lasted precisely as long as it took to blurt out her suggestion on the phone with Noel and have him give a soft sigh of regret in return.

"What?" she asked, deflated. "You don't want to see me?"

He tutted at her. "Of course I want to see you. But I signed up for a retreat last week when you told me you were going to your parents' for Christmas. I thought you wouldn't be able to leave the farm beforehand so when the opportunity presented itself...well, I took it."

"A retreat," Lori said flatly. "I don't suppose I could meet you there instead?"

Noel sighed gently again. "It's on private grounds. And I had to scrape up my savings to register and it was only luck that I was able to get in – someone else had to cancel – it's been sold out for months."

He paused, waiting for her to say something, but she couldn't think of a thing.

"I'm really sorry, Lori," he said quietly.

"It's okay," she replied, pushing away her melancholy.

"We'll still have New Year's, right? Jeret and Lynta and I are coming down to ring in the New Year with you?"

"Yes, that's fine," she said, but both of them could feel the gap across the line.

Lori disconnected a short while later, after they had tried to make amends and end the conversation on a better note, but she still had an unexplainable feeling of abandonment and rejection when she put the receiver back in its cradle. Why couldn't he have said he'd cancel the retreat? Didn't she mean anything to him?

Lori checked herself abruptly as that thought passed through her head. That was neither fair nor charitable to the man she knew Noel to be. He had made it very clear that she was important to him – it had been she who threw an unexpected wrench in the works and wanted to throw his schedule out the window.

Lori growled in frustration and stomped over to the radio in the kitchen, the kittens scampering along behind her. Things had been so much easier when she was married, she thought as she flipped the switch to her favourite country station. Being married meant you knew where the other person was going to be every night...it meant lots of time with the other one around – not having to beg, borrow and steal every opportunity...it meant not having to guess how the other person felt most of the time because the commitment had already been made.

"Leia," Lori informed the kitten as she jumped up on the counter where the radio was, "I really hate dating. I thought I was all done with that – for the rest of my life."

The kitten began purring loudly and rubbed herself against Lori's hip, encouraging her to divert her attention to a good belly rub instead of worrying about the future. Lori snorted in amusement as the little grey tabby fell over and presented her white underside for a massage.

"Alright, you little diva," Lori agreed. "We all know it's about you, anyway. Forgive my outburst," she added sarcastically.

The DJ announced the time and the weather prediction at the top of the hour and then without warning, began playing a song Lori hadn't heard in ages. But with the first strains of the piano, she knew it was Alison Krauss and a flood of unchecked tears sprang immediately to her eyes.

How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain

As the changing of seasons prepares me again

For the long bitter nights and the wild winter's day

My heart has grown cold my love stored away

My heart has grown cold my love stored away

Lori wiped her eyes with a rough hand and felt her lower lip trembling despite all her best efforts to hold it in. This song had always seemed beautiful to her, but now there was poignancy to the lyrics that pierced her heart. Now she could identify with the singer all too clearly.

I've been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow

Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go

I've taken the pain no girl should endure

But faith can move mountains of that I am sure

Faith can move mountains of that I am sure

Lori laughed at the biting irony, thinking of Mist and her lack of tracks...the loss of Cody...and her own unendurable pain. She was pushed to her limits, and she knew it. And faith? Well, she wasn't so sure faith could move mountains, but maybe her faith just wasn't that big yet. As the chorus began, Lori realized just how much she had been willing herself to go on despite all the odds. The song had tapped swallowed tears as she suffered in silence the loss of her husband, and now she finally let herself truly and thoroughly grieve one more time. This time, the grieving was for the loss of the person she should have been and the unfairness of a world that would make a 21-year-old girl go it alone...and the reality that even if she could survive it, there were times when she didn't want to.

Just get me through December

A promise I'll remember

Get me through December

So I can start again

No divine purpose brings freedom from sin

And peace is a gift that must come from within

I've looked for the love that will bring me to rest

Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

"Ah, Cody," she whispered silently to the accompaniment of the violin, "I miss you." Her chin started trembling and she gave in to the self-pity and despair – just for a moment. "I want to be that newlywed with you again," she sobbed, trying hard to reverse time and appreciate what she'd had; trying even harder to crawl across the finish line of her expected endurance.

Get me through December

A promise I'll remember

Get me through December

So I can start again

**********

Christmas was about what she'd predicted: the noise of young children and adults reunited practically throbbed out of the house the three days Lori was there. Her father doted on her to the point of annoyance and her mother insisted on reviewing her financial statements to ensure everything was indeed "in the black" at the farm.

Her brothers and sisters weren't sure whether it was acceptable to utter Cody's name so she had to go through the whole façade of talking about him more than she wanted to – just so they would be reassured she wasn't suicidal.

Noel phoned her cell on Christmas Eve and she discreetly slipped away from the family, who were watching some hospital drama on TV; she went into the basement to speak with him since a large portion of the family was sitting on the couch she was using as a bed.

"Sorry," he said as she slipped into an old office chair her dad kept in the basement. "Is this a bad time?"

"Not at all," she assured him, picking at a mar in the fabric while she felt a flutter of excitement at the sound of his voice. "It's never a bad time to talk to you – I've missed you."

"Mmm – I've missed you, too. Believe me," he added with a self-deprecating laugh. "When you're in meditation for 12 hours a day, you tend to see images of things and people that are important in your life. I see you a lot," he added.

"Oh," Lori said softly, touched to her marrow. "I'm going to be very happy to see you on New Year's Eve, what with all the mistletoe and midnight kisses everyone keeps talking about around here."

He chuckled into the phone, his laugh a soft, warm reassurance. Still, he felt a million miles away tonight as she heard the TV program upstairs flip to a loud commercial and she had to listen carefully to hear his breathing on the other end of the line.

"So you're meditating a lot? What else are you doing?" she asked.

"Nothing too terribly exciting, I'm afraid. It really is just a lot of sitting around reflecting, pondering existence, leading a generally hermity kind of life."

"Hmm. I'm sorry I missed it," Lori responded sarcastically.

He laughed again then said, "They actually do keep a couple of horses on the property, though – they're great big monsters of things – even bigger than Ebony – to give sleigh rides and hay rides to the participants. You might actually enjoy it here – no doubt you'd be out in the stables the whole time, trying to teach them how to yield their hindquarters."

She giggled. "Don't make fun of me, you."

"I promise – no more. Any other news with the cats?"

"No, and nothing from Jeret or Lynta, either. I spoke to your roomie earlier today to confirm the time of your arrival next weekend. All seems to be fine in cat-land."

"Ah, good. You know, Shadow has been with me the whole time I've been here? He's sitting at my feet right now. It's the most bizarre experience to have this black panther walking in front of you and know that nobody else can see him. I'm afraid I've had this little smirk on my face the whole time I've been here and people are beginning to think I'm just a smug little twit. When in reality, the smirk is just to keep from bursting out laughing at the absurdity of it all."

"Wow, the whole time? That's unusual for a cat to stay that long, isn't it? Did you call him to you this time?"

"No, I got in the truck to drive up here and there he was. I think he approves of the retreat – he seems to be enthralled with everything that's going on."

"So I have some big news," Lori said, as the thought popped into her head. "I don't mean to change the subject, but Rita Dennymede's lawyer phoned my parents yesterday – they are a few days away from settling with the airline. They said by the end of the year, each of the participants named in the class action lawsuit will be getting a settlement of a million dollars."

Noel gave a soft whistle. "A million dollars? Each?"

Lori nodded, picking harder at the loosened seam in the fabric. "Yeah. I'm going to be a millionaire – can you believe it?"

"Wow," he answered breathlessly. Then in typical Noel fashion, asked, "How do you feel about that?"

She gave a short bark of a laugh. "Rotten."

"Well, you know what I always say; you have a choice in the matter. You can choose to feel guilty about the money or you can choose to feel grateful that Cody was able to secure this one last gift for you."

Lori hastily blinked away a few random tears. "But he didn't have to die so that I could have this kind of money, Noel. I would much rather work for my living."

"I know you would. And I'm sure you'll continue to work, regardless. And we've already had the conversation about why Cody died – I honestly believe it wasn't just so you could have a million dollars. Just be grateful, Lori – you can stay at the farm now."

"I know. I know it's given me the opportunity to live with some security now – I might even enrol in university next semester – but it just feels so tainted."

"Well then, why don't you pay off the farm, put enough into savings to pay for your schooling, invest a good chunk for retirement and then give the rest away? That way some other people will benefit, too."

Lori thought about that, imagining which charities she would give money to. "I might just do that," she mused. "Provided my mother doesn't start squirreling it away before I even get a chance to see it."

They both laughed at that and wound up the conversation.

"Thank you for calling, Noel," Lori said softly into the receiver a few moments later. "I definitely needed to talk to you."

"That's alright – the feeling was mutual. Are you okay, though?"

"I'll be alright," she affirmed. "It's been kind of a rough week, with the holidays and everything, but I'm better now that I've heard your voice."

"Well, anytime that happens, you just phone me, alright? I'm always at your beck and call, Lori," he added with a smile in his voice.

"Oh, sure," she teased back, "I bet you say that to all the millionaires you know."

He laughed into her ear. "Every one."

**********

When Lori returned home from her parents' place there was a large envelope from McMaster University in the mail. She had been accepted and could begin classes in January, the accompanying letter read. It was unusual, but they had had a cancellation and if she wanted to start at this late date, she was welcome to enrol. Fate, she declared, and sat down at the kitchen table to choose her first subjects.

**********

Lynta and Jeret were considerate enough to hang back by the car (under the pretence of gathering the gifts and food they had brought with them to Lori's place) as Noel gave Lori a soul-searching, long-lost-love-type kiss in her kitchen. She tasted wonderful – her lips still carrying a whisper of the eggnog she'd been sipping when he came into the house – and her silver-dappled hair smelled of the pine boughs she'd used to decorate the log home. It all felt so right, as a matter of fact, that he'd held onto her after the kiss, keeping her body close to his and rubbing his face alongside her own in affection, extremely cat-like.

She laughed breathlessly and pulled back slightly to look into his eyes.

"Wow," she offered. "Hi."

He cupped her face in his hands and was relieved to see her eyes glowing with pleasure. "Hi," he answered back as he leaned forward and kissed her hungrily again.

When their lips finally broke apart, he let one hand slide down her throat, his fingers curling behind the nape of her neck as he breathed heavily against her cheek. "That's for the mistletoe," he whispered throatily and she laughed, burying her head in the crook between his neck and chest.

"Then I can't wait for midnight," she retorted before kissing him lightly on the Adam's apple and running her hands across his chest. He could have sworn he saw miniscule lightning bolts sparking from her fingertips.

They broke apart as Jeret tripped loudly on the porch stairs – uncharacteristically and with obvious warning that they were coming in – and Noel laughed self-consciously at the teasing in his roommate's eyes. Life was good today. Very good indeed.

Because of the personal beliefs of most of the people in the room, there would be no alcohol served at this particular New Year's Eve party, but there was food in abundance and nobody seemed to notice the lack in beverages. There were spring rolls, garden-stuffed mushrooms, goat cheese and crackers, a shrimp ring, and raw vegetables and dip for appetizers; then a warm rice pilaf made with corn, peas, cashews, cumin and coriander as the main meal with eggplant parmesan and garlic toast to complement. For dessert, Lori had found her favourite miniature éclairs, and Jeret had scored some brilliant baklava from Greek-town in Toronto. Add the tea and coffee afterwards and life was complete.

Noel took Lori's hand as he slid down onto the couch next to her after the meal and if Jeret or Lynta noticed, they didn't say anything. He caressed the top of Lori's thumb with his own and marvelled at how intimate holding hands with another person – the right person – could be. The connection and flow of energy from one being to the other was as palpable as that of a blood transfusion; the heart pumping its love out one hand and directly into the recipient's.

"I got accepted to McMaster," Lori offered to Jeret's inquiry as to what was new. "I was telling Noel earlier this week – they had a last-minute cancellation and wanted to know if I was ready to start in January. So I've decided to take some preliminary 101 classes, a couple of business courses, and then just for the fun of it, I'm going to take an Intro to World Religions class and a Nature Literature class."

Jeret laughed from across the room. "Intro to World Religions is fun? You're a weird girl, Lori."

"Oh, hush," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. "I don't know as much as you guys – obviously – about Buddhism, Islam and the like. I want to learn."

Noel squeezed her hand very subtly and was rewarded with a squeeze in return. I'm very proud of you, he said through his touch. Thanks for supporting me, she answered.

"So when do you start, Lori?" Lynta asked, curled up on the loveseat with her fingers wrapped comfortably around the warm mug of black coffee she drank.

"Soon – January 4th, actually. I'm kind of nervous and excited all at the same time."

"Now that's the first time I've ever heard a new student say that," Jeret commented sarcastically in his deep bass voice.

"Oh, would you shut up and stop teasing me tonight?" Lori asked, exasperated; she threw a pillow at him with a grin.

Noel was pleased to note she didn't let go of his hand to do it.

Jeret laughed and tossed it back to her. "You know I love you," he pointed out. "Or you wouldn't get any notice from me at all."

"Yeah, yeah," Lori said, but she smiled just the same.

"Well, I tell you, Lori," Jeret answered, leaning forward towards her a bit. "If you find out any deep insights about Hinduism, you be sure to let me know. That Iftakar guy was back by the caracal this morning. He gives me the creeps, I have to say."

Noel narrowed his eyes, scanning Jeret's face. "Why was he back? Did he say?"

Jeret shook his head. "Nah, but he looks mighty disturbed. You might want to brush up against him the next time he's there, Noel, and see if you can get him to talk to you."

Noel grinned. "Why don't you do that yourself?"

"There's no way I'm brushing up against that guy," Jeret snorted. "He's way too angry for me to handle."

Noel gave a small laugh. "He is raging, that's for sure."

"Have you gotten anymore from his cat, Noel?" Lynta asked as she adjusted herself in the seat, pulling the long flowing robes of her teal-coloured hijab back into place.

Noel shook his head regretfully. "No, he's been so affected by the thoughts of Iftakar that I can't get either one of them to think coherently yet."

Lori shuddered briefly; he felt the tremor run up his own arm. "Do you honestly think he's one of us? Why would he be included?"

"Why shouldn't he be?" Noel asked. "We're none of us perfect – we're all struggling with our own demons."

"Hey, now," Jeret interjected. "Speak for yourself."

Noel gave his friend an ironic smile and cocked his head. "You most of all, Jeret."

The group laughed and Noel scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, seriously thinking about Lori's question. "We don't even know what we are yet," he mused. "Who's to say that Iftakar isn't needed precisely because of who he is?"

"But didn't the jaguar say to you and Lori in your dreams that we were simply to try our best with him?" Lynta wondered.

Noel turned his head to look at the Senegalese and nodded. "Yes, but maybe that means Iftakar is a test of our own abilities. We will never grow, after all, if we don't have a mix of experiences to draw from."

"Well, he still gives me the creeps," Jeret interjected. "There's something not right about that guy."

"Let's not talk about him anymore tonight," Lori suggested. "I want to welcome the New Year in with a positive conversation."

Lynta pointed at the TV, where the Times Square celebration was being televised. "They're only a few minutes away now – I guess we should grab a glass and get ready to celebrate ourselves."

Lori checked to make sure everybody had a glass of something and they all stood, preparing to toast when the ball had dropped. Noel brushed his arm against Lori's as he stood next to her and she glanced over at him, anticipation flooding her eyes.

"This is one year I won't be sorry to see end," she murmured. "On to new beginnings," she added softly for his ears alone.

His eyes warmed as he smiled tenderly at her.

Noel wrapped an arm around her waist and they watched the TV as Jeret and Lynta clinked glasses prematurely.

"Ten...nine...eight..." the two began chanting as Noel drew Lori even closer against his side.

"Just get me through December," Lori said quietly next to him and he looked over at her, puzzled. She didn't seem bitter, though – instead she seemed to find an ironic humour in what she'd said but he clearly missed the joke.

"Seven...six...five..." Lynta continued.

"Let's make it the best year ever, gang!" Jeret called out.

"Four...three...two...one! Happy New Year!" the entire group rang out together.

Noel and Lori touched glasses and were on their way to touching lips, as well, when Noel caught the unusual movement out of the corner of his eye.

When he realized what was happening, he shouted with urgency.

"Jeret – she's falling!"

"I see her – I've got her!" he called, scooping to catch Lynta as she began to drop to the floor in a dead faint.

Chapter 23

Noel sprang to help and the two men managed to grab Lynta's tall frame as she crumpled. Luckily, she had been standing in front of the loveseat at the time, so they backed her up and laid her gently down on the cushions.

Lori was there, too, cradling Lynta's head and grabbing pillows to prop her up.

"What do we do?" she asked, panic-stricken.

"Just hang on," Noel soothed. "She's been having more of these episodes lately. Check to see that she's breathing, Jeret."

"She is," he confirmed, breathing heavily himself from the exertion of moving Lynta to the loveseat. "Should I put her feet up, Noel?"

"That seemed to help last time, didn't it?"

"I think so."

"Here – let me help you," Noel offered as he joined his roommate at the foot of the loveseat. They gently moved Lynta's feet to the top of the armrest and watched her prone form, uncertain what to do next.

All of their expressions were anxious as they watched Lynta's face. Noel noticed her eyes were flickering wildly, as though she were in a dramatic dream state. Jeret had moved to kneel down next to her and had a finger on the pulse at her wrist.

"How is she?" Noel asked quietly.

"Her pulse is fast," Jeret answered, "but it's been worse. I guess we just ride it out."

"How long do these usually last?" Lori asked from the back of the loveseat.

Noel looked up at her, assuming an air of authority and competence to settle everyone down, even though his heart was still hammering in his chest.

"She should be coming around soon," he said. "They usually only last a few seconds."

But this one didn't. At the two-minute mark, Jeret looked up at Noel with searching eyes.

"Should we call an ambulance, do you think?" he inquired.

"I don't think so – not yet, anyway," Noel responded. "She's still breathing okay and her pulse isn't any faster, is it?"

Jeret shook his head in the negative.

"To all intents and purposes, she just looks like she's having a vivid dream – let's give it a few more minutes."

They waited in agony – each of them glued to the prone form before them, and Noel began praying fervently that wherever Lynta was, she was safe and at peace.

Five torturous minutes went by and Noel was just about to tell Lori to phone an ambulance when Lynta's eyes began fluttering as she came back to consciousness.

"Hey," she whispered, looking around at her friends, "How long was I out?"

The group collectively breathed a sigh of relief and nervous laughter accompanied it.

"About five minutes," Jeret said tenderly by her ear. "Are you okay? This one seemed different."

"It was different," Lynta said, struggling to rise. Jeret pushed her back down firmly with a head shake.

"Stay put for now," he advised. "Tell us what happened – do you remember something this time?"

Lynta nodded, thinking back. "Usually I wake up and have no idea what's happened but this time..."

The group waited anxiously for her to talk, but she licked her lips and stared dazedly at the ceiling.

Noel looked up at Lori, on the other end of the loveseat. "Lori, could you get her some water, please?"

"Oh! Yes, of course," Lori responded, brought out of her trance as she waited for Lynta to speak. "I'll be right back," she said as she headed to the kitchen.

When she returned and handed the glass to the Senegalese, Lynta took a deep drink and settled back on the cushions again. "I saw the lynx again," she started. "My lynx. She told me she wanted to be called Tuft. That's fitting, don't you think?" Lynta asked of the three standing around her. She smiled. "She has such lovely long tufts on her ears."

"She told you this?" Noel asked.

Lynta nodded. "Yes, she said hello to me, using my name and said she was called Tuft. The strangest thing was, when she spoke she was using my voice."

Lori gasped and Noel looked up sharply at her. "What is it?"

"In my dream," Lori said, breathless. "The one with the jaguar...Mist was using my voice to speak to him, as well."

Jeret made a quiet sound of awe then tapped Lynta lightly on the shoulder.

"What happened then?"

Lynta licked her lips again, thinking. "She asked me to follow her. So I did. We were walking...but it was incredibly fast...like we were skimming over the earth. And we stopped in a very foreign place, someplace I'd never seen before. And there was a sick child and Tuft said, 'help her.' So I knelt down, not knowing what to do...and put my hands on either side of the little girl's face and breathed into her nostrils. I don't know why I did...it just felt like the thing to do."

Noel moved to sit on a coffee table behind Jeret, astounded by what he was hearing.

"And she opened her eyes and looked at me," Lynta continued, her gaze following Noel to where he was seated. "And she said in a frail little voice, 'I want to stay.' And then she took a deep breath and started calling for her mother...and suddenly, the door to her room burst open and a large family was there. They were crying and laughing in joy, touching the girl and hugging her...and then Tuft said 'we go now' and the next thing I knew I was waking up on Lori's couch."

Lynta took another long drink of water then put her head back on the pillow with a deep sigh.

"That's incredible," Lori said softly from above Lynta's head. "Lynta, you saved that little girl."

Lynta shook her head. "I don't know that. I don't even know what I did!"

"It's almost like she was answering a question," Jeret mused. "Like you gave her a choice and she chose to stay."

Lynta looked wildly at him. "A choice? Are you saying I offered her life or death? That can't be! Nobody has that type of power – Noel's even said so!"

Jeret shrugged, scratching his spiky blond hair. "Doesn't it sound that way to the rest of you? That she looked at Lynta, saw the opportunities before her and chose what she wanted to do?"

Lori nodded mutely.

"I've heard of this thing before," Jeret continued. "Where some people have doors opened to them and they can choose which way they go. And that others are there to help them decide."

"Yes," Noel slipped in, "but usually the ones helping them decide are doing so from the other side, Jeret. Not from here."

Noel turned to Lynta, his brows furrowed in thought. "Lynta, you've never remembered what's happened to you during these black-outs?"

She shook her head vehemently in the negative.

"Have you kept track of when they've happened?"

Lynta shook her head, more gently this time. "No, they happened frequently when I was a child and I didn't think to log them. In the last few years, yes – I started to write about them when I noticed a pattern. I do know that I had several of them during that string of earthquakes and tsunamis they had in the Pacific a few years ago, though."

Jeret leaned forward, growing excited. "Lynta, didn't you tell me you were terribly sick after 9/11, too? That you were running high fevers and hallucinating and fainting a lot?"

She nodded, with a haunted look growing in her eyes. "Yes. You don't think...?"

Jeret spun to look at Noel. "Is it possible she's helping them cross over?"

Noel felt the small hairs on the back of his neck stand erect. "I don't know...I mean, of course it's possible, but she hasn't been able to remember any of it, so we won't know for sure."

"Not unless they keep happening," Lori put in. "If you can remember them now, Lynta, you'll have to write them down when you wake up and see if it really does have something to do with life or death situations."

"Yes," Lynta said quietly. "But if it never happens again it will be too soon."

**********

"Lori, I do believe you're starting to look like you have black spots in your grey!" Shannon observed as she brushed through her friend's hair two days' later at Lori's kitchen table. "I've never seen anything like this," Shannon continued, dragging the brush through the long strands. "Do you want me to try dyeing it again before you start school tomorrow?"

Lori shook her head, resulting in a "tsk" from Shannon and sudden pain as she pulled her own hair. "No," she opted to answer instead of moving again, "that's clearly not helping any. It just washes out the next time I shower."

She dragged the pedestal mirror over closer to where she was sitting and looked into it. "I don't know...do you think I should maybe cut it and just wrap a bandana around it while in class? I don't want to look like a freak."

Shannon uttered a small laugh. "Well, I'd hardly call you that. But it certainly is unusual. You don't know what's causing it?"

Lori was careful not to look at her friend as she answered. "I'm baffled," she said as truthfully as she could. "Didn't you think it might be brought on by stress?"

Shannon lifted a mass of it, the silver-grey clearly dominant over the black splotches now. "Well, that's what I thought at first, but I don't know...there's such an odd pattern in it...."

She spun it up into a quick ponytail. "What if you just put it up while you're at school?" she suggested, wrapping a rubber band around it and setting it on top of Lori's head. The black was heavier underneath and disguised the dappling slightly, but it was still obviously grey around Lori's temples.

"Or a braid, maybe?" she said, deftly removing the rubber band, separating three strands and weaving them back and forth until there was a loose braid running down Lori's spine.

"That's not too bad, actually," Shannon offered. "That looks the most natural, anyway. Disguises some of the spots."

Lori turned her head back and forth in the mirror's reflection. "I guess. Why don't you just cut it off for me, though? It would be a lot easier to take care of and wouldn't get in the way of my riding helmet that way."

Shannon smiled at her friend through the mirror. "Have you asked Noel about cutting it off yet?"

Lori frowned, puzzled. "Why would I?"

"Because, my dear," Shannon replied as she redid the braid so it was snug against Lori's scalp, "Men are very particular about their women's hair and you shouldn't just go changing it without giving him some warning. Best to leave it as it is until he gives his blessing."

Lori felt herself blushing a soft tomato-red; she noticed with chagrin that the hue complimented her black-and-silver hair quite nicely.

**********

Her first day of school was as nerve-wracking as junior high had been. With the legal settlement from the plane crash, Lori had opted to attend full-time courses during the day instead of night courses. She didn't realize in the impulsiveness of that gesture how much more stress she was inviting into her life. She clutched her campus map fiercely to her chest, referring to it frantically between classes and praying she wouldn't be late and make a spectacle of herself as she tried to sneak in before the professor started speaking.

She soon discovered that university was all about the professors and their personalities. Regardless of the subject matter, how well the class was taught lent itself directly to how much Lori enjoyed it.

Consequently, her Canadian History class, which she had anticipated to be a dry hour of torture, was enthralling from the start. The professor was animated, talkative and used a variety of different mediums – PowerPoint presentations, videos, audio recordings and timelines – to demonstrate the colourful characters they would be studying. Conversely, the biology course she had signed up for in the hopes of learning more about mammals, the environment and ecosystems turned out to be as dull as could be imagined. The entire class literally groaned when the professor announced their marks would be based on how well they sketched the various amoebas and protozoa they would be studying this semester.

As Lori left that class she giggled at a classmate's imitation of the prof's monotonous voice then ducked into the bathroom quickly to check on her appearance before heading to her Nature Lit class down the hall.

On Shannon's advice, Lori had actually asked Noel how he felt about her cutting her hair the night before when she had called him. He had tried to make it seem like he didn't care one way or the other, but she knew better. When he started his response with "Why do you want to do that?" she knew it did matter. It had been easy enough to back down, easy enough to change the subject and think no more about it. She did, in fact, like the way her hair looked – now that it resembled Mist's coat – and the braid suitably disguised the black rosettes. For added measure, she'd also wrapped a decorative teal scarf around her head this morning – it complimented her shirt and furthered the camouflage. But she was glad she had kept the length, especially when Mist had visited her again the night previous before bed. The big cat had walked into the bedroom, done a quick tour of the vicinity to make sure all was well, and then had promptly fallen asleep on the floor beside Lori's side of the bed. If she was there to protect Lori and calm her nerves before starting school, the least Lori could do was honour the cat by leaving her hair alone. It would have felt like a betrayal to do otherwise.

Lori made sure the bandana was still even on both sides with a quick check in the bathroom mirror, wiped away a smudge of mascara at the corner of her eye, popped a mint in her mouth and headed to Nature Lit.

The prof was an older woman of medium height, sporting rimless glasses and a long, flowing grey dress that complimented her salt-and-pepper hair perfectly. Lori instantly felt a kindred spirit. She had a lilting voice that Lori discovered later could drip with irony, and eyes that were the colour of blueberries. Her skin was just dark enough that she could have been non-Caucasian...or she could have stayed out in the sun too long through her formative years. Regardless, Dr. Emily Robertson looked worldly, refined and brimming with class.

She handed out the syllabus and initial set of questions as she recited Robert Frost, causing a slow smile to spread across Lori's face.

The way a crow

Shook down on me

She began, heading first to the row Lori was seated in and depositing the papers on the first desk.

The dust of snow

From a hemlock tree

She moved to the next row and so on down the line, stepping and speaking in tandem.

Has given my heart

A change of mood

And saved some part

Of a day I had rued.

"Let's talk about that," she said, moving to the chalkboard and writing the poem down quickly in an elegant script that matched her personality to a tee.

It was that day that Lori entered a whole new world, one filled with the likes of Cather, Carson, Thoreau, Lewis & Clark, Skelton and Roethke. Her mind would be expanded in ways she wouldn't have even thought possible the day before...and she had as a guide on this new, fantastic path a woman who would have a profound influence on her life.

But on this day – the first day – Lori simply smiled at the image of a crow shaking snow on a poet. How understated those first steps on a journey can be.

Chapter 24

They were only into the first week of January when Noel was stopped by Iftakar again on his rounds through the zoo.

Noel noticed immediately that the East Indian was beginning to develop a white line around his eyes – a hauntingly familiar image echoed by the caracal behind him. It was dramatic and disturbing; Noel knew immediately it had begun for him.

"There was another one," Iftakar said without preamble. "It was waiting for me in my apartment. How did it get in there?" he demanded.

Noel took a step back, trying to regain his equilibrium and avoid the tense, angry energy that pulsed around the other man. "You can call it to you. We've all been able to summon our cats with our thoughts," he offered.

"Well, I didn't call this thing. And I want it to leave me alone," Iftakar stated angrily.

Noel watched him, breathing deeply, slowly. "They're here to help us."

"I don't want its help!" Iftakar yelled.

"Why are you so angry?" Noel asked coolly.

"Just tell me how to get rid of it and mind your own business," the stranger said crossly.

Noel reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper he had prepared for this meeting. "Here's my address," he said, extending the paper. "Jeret and I live not too far from here in an apartment. Why don't you stop by tonight after 7:00 and we'll talk? I might be able to help you with your visitor."

The paper was snatched from his hands and Iftakar huffed off in a fury. Noel watched him go, sighed, and went to phone the rest. He needed them all together tonight.

**********

Lori didn't make it to the apartment in Toronto until shortly before 7:00 herself; with the wintry roads and the chores at the farm it had taken her awhile to make the trek down the 403. She was pleased to see Lynta was cooking again – it was always a treat to taste the exotic concoctions the Senegalese put together. She inquired about the fainting spells and was relieved to hear there had been no more unnerving incidents.

Jeret gave her a bone-crushing hug and she laughed at his enthusiasm in seeing her again, but Noel was sombre and reclusive in juxtaposition and her laughter faded away when she saw his expression. Jeret had headed off into the kitchen to help Lynta with supper, so Lori moved over to stand next to Noel. She tugged on his sleeve lightly, hoping to distract him, and he glanced at her with a sorrow in his eyes that surprised her.

"Hey," she said, concerned. "Are you okay?"

The corner of his mouth quirked up in an attempt at a smile and he gathered her in for a gentler hug than the one his roommate had delivered. "I'm much better now that you're here," he murmured, squeezing her gently. "I just wish I knew why this particular person was entering our group."

Noel had explained to her briefly on the phone what he anticipated was going to happen tonight. Lori wasn't any more excited than he was to meet this Iftakar person since anyone who could make Noel tense was bound to have some issues, but she wanted to provide support to her friends and so firmed her jaw and vowed to stick it out.

Someone – probably Jeret – had put a soft flute-and-piano jazz album on in the background, no doubt trying to calm the atmosphere a bit; Noel was lighting a few lavender- and lilac-scented candles around the living room. A bubble of hysterical laughter welled up in Lori but she suppressed it firmly – it did seem, however, that they were making every attempt to keep things at a calm level tonight and encourage a spa-like atmosphere.

She wandered into the kitchen and offered to assist with setting the table. Lynta smiled and nodded, pointing at the stack of dishes and silverware sitting on the counter, waiting to be distributed. Everyone seemed to be unnaturally quiet this evening, as though they were hiding in the long grass, trying very hard not to be seen. The silence disturbed Lori to an even greater intensity than her friends' careful precautions had.

She placed the white, square plates over the decorative table mats gingerly then tucked glasses in the upper right-hand corner, almost holding her breath as she did so. When she had begun laying the knives, spoons and forks to the side, there was an odd sound at the door – not quite a knock, but more a bumping against the heavy wood.

She turned to see who Noel would reveal as he swung the door open and immediately looked down. She and the others in the kitchen sighed with relief. The cats – all of them: Mist, Shadow, Tuft, and Jeret's jaguarundi – slid into the room with the assured self-confidence and grace of their kind. They prowled the environs with purpose, sniffing and seeing with senses that far surpassed the human world and then came to rest near the kitchen but within sight of the door.

"Have you gotten his name yet?" Noel asked, nodding at Jeret's cat where it laid at ease against some of the kitchen cabinets.

"Well, it sure isn't Tuft," Jeret joked as he grabbed one of his own snubbed ears.

Lori chuckled and was relieved to see Noel smile, too. The cats' presence was relaxing everyone, at least partially.

"He's got the most unusual colouring," Lynta said, kneeling down by the smaller of the cats in the room. Unlike the greys and blacks of the other felines, the jaguarundi's coat was a burnished red, almost like that of a mountain lion.

"It's almost like red sand," Lori added. When she had spoken the last word, the jaguarundi looked up at her and blinked wisely.

Jeret grunted in response and knelt down next to the cat, as well. "Do you like that one, buddy? Sand?"

The cat twisted slightly so that he was looking at them from an upside-down position and gently put out a paw for Jeret to take. The human supported it for a moment then caressed the animal's compact cheek. "Then Sand it is," he affirmed.

Noel was looking down at Sand, as well, smiling slightly as the jaguarundi contorted its body into a question mark, both contented and playful at the same time. "He definitely has your personality, Jeret," he remarked. "Always the clown in the group."

Jeret looked up and winked; he was about to make a retort when there was a definitive knock at the door.

All of the cats' heads immediately swung to attention and the group of people braced themselves for what was to come. The tension in the air was palpable and Noel turned to look at everyone before opening the door.

"Just be yourselves," he said quietly. "And remember, love over fear."

Iftakar came into the room like a thunder-head.

"It won't leave me alone!" he wailed, striding into the room with the caracal hot on his heels. "Make it go away!"

Both he and the caracal skidded to a stop, however, when they saw the other big cats in the apartment. Shadow and Tuft were the first to approach, bigger and bolder than Mist and Sand. They stood on either side of Noel, exuding a calm that at least stopped Iftakar and his friend in their tracks for a few moments.

Lori took in the wild eyes – enhanced by the white rings around them – and elongated ears of the East Indian and felt for him at once. At least during her transition she had Noel and the others to assure her everything was going to be alright. How terrible to be going through it alone. But he's not alone, she reminded herself. He has all of us if only he'll trust us to help.

Iftakar gazed around frantically at the group, breathing heavily. "What is this? Some type of sick cult?"

Noel shook his head. "No cult," he answered quietly. "And you are a part of it whether you will it or not."

He rested a hand on each of the cats at his side then turned side-on to Iftakar, welcoming him into the apartment. "Why don't you come in and meet the group? We're getting supper ready and we'd encourage you to stay and learn more."

He led the way to where Jeret, Lynta, and Lori were standing near the counter.

"This is Lori – she's a horse-trainer and friend to the snow leopard there, Mist."

Lori extended a hand but was greeted with a cold glare from Iftakar. She stepped back, offended and nervous at the same time.

"You already know Jeret from the zoo – he belongs to the jaguarundi called Sand."

Jeret nodded at Iftakar.

"And this is Lynta, who is with the Lynx known as Tuft," he said pointing at them. "And the black panther is Shadow," he added, stroking the big cat's head in appreciation.

Iftakar had not paid further attention after the introduction with Lynta and remained facing her with fury washing over his face as he took in her deep maroon garments.

"What is she doing here?" he demanded.

Noel raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Do you know her?"

Lori turned to gauge Lynta's reaction, but the tall Senegalese clearly had no idea of who this angry little man was.

"I know her kind," Iftakar said bitterly. "She's Muslim, isn't she? It figures you'd associate with them."

Lori saw Lynta's eyes narrow and a soft growl came from the lynx at her feet.

"All peoples are welcomed here, Iftakar – including you," Noel said.

"Do you have something against Muslims?" Lynta asked through stiff lips.

"Lynta," Jeret said in an aside to her, "love over fear."

She glanced at him, calmed visibly as she looked into his eyes, and nodded.

"Oh, you bet I have something against Muslims," Iftakar responded hotly. "They've wreaked havoc on my people for centuries – half of my village is dead because of them! Not to mention what you did on 9/11!"

Noel insinuated himself between Iftakar and Lynta, but remained in a neutral stance. "That's a pretty wide brush you're painting with, Iftakar. You do understand that there are extremists in any culture, don't you?"

"Huh," he retorted. "They're all the same."

"I would ask one thing of you tonight," Noel said with a harder edge to his voice. "You are more than welcome to stay and we do want to help you...but in return, I would ask you to keep an open mind. If you close yourself to other possibilities and go only with the reality you know, this won't work."

Iftakar gave Noel a stony look and said nothing.

"That's an unusual name," Jeret put in, trying to lighten the mood. "Iftakar. It kind of just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?"

"Are you mocking me?" the East Indian asked, turning his anger on Jeret.

The blond lifted his arms, palms out, with a glimmer of dark humour in his eyes. "Oh, I assure you I'm not. I'm just making small-talk, friend."

"Well I don't appreciate it," Iftakar snapped. "That's all I ever heard when I came to this country ten years ago... 'Iftakar falls off the track, take a crane and put it back,'" he mimicked in a high, waspish tone. He swung his angry eyes back to Lynta. "And it was the Muslims who teased me more than anyone."

Lori moved closer to her friend, not daring to speak and draw his wrath down on her, but not wanting to leave Lynta alone, either.

"But it wasn't me," Lynta said coolly. "I'd ask you to remember that. I have no argument with you."

"Will you stay, Iftakar?" Noel asked, resting a hand lightly on his arm. Lori noticed that the muscles were rigid under Noel's hand, but Iftakar didn't pull away.

"No," he said shortly. "Not if she's going to be here. Just tell me how to get rid of this cat and I never want to see the lot of you again."

"Well, you won't like what I have to say then," Noel replied, drawing the man away from the group and leading him back towards the door. "There is no way to get rid of them, as far as I can tell. They are a part of you once you're chosen."

Lori saw Noel glance briefly at her then look back to Iftakar. "I've only seen one cat no longer attached to his human. And that was because his human died." She swallowed thickly, remembering Cody and the tawny mountain lion who had come to her after his death.

"Are you threatening me?" Iftakar asked, rearing his head back.

Noel shook his head. "No, just stating a fact. But I would caution you. Even in death, the cats might follow."

Iftakar pushed Noel rudely away and stormed out of the apartment. The caracal paused in the doorway, looking with longing at his feline companions, and then departed.

*********

The caracal at the zoo fell ill. Jeret and Noel stayed with it around the clock, trying to encourage it to eat, wrapping it in warm blankets when it shook violently, and squirting bottles of saline solutions into its mouth to keep it hydrated.

A week after his outburst at the apartment, Iftakar returned to the zoo. Noel saw him standing outside the caracal's enclosure, looking unwell and emaciated himself. Noel elbowed Jeret where they sat keeping vigil over the sick cat.

"He's back," Noel said softly. "Can you handle this alone for a bit? I'm going to go speak with him."

Jeret nodded, suppressing a yawn. "Yeah. Have fun."

Noel wasn't sure if Iftakar even knew he was there at first; he just remained standing in front of the partition with lowered head and glazed eyes, but when Noel was near enough to speak, the East Indian talked first.

"What's happening to us?" he asked in a cracking voice.

"You're soul-sick," Noel replied gently. "You need to heal from the inside, Iftakar, or it will destroy you."

The man laughed feebly; Noel could see he was fighting back tears of exhaustion. It had clearly been a rough week for him.

"How do you heal, Noel? Tell me that. How do you repair gaping holes that have been torn throughout your body?"

Noel reached out and cupped Iftakar's elbow, steering him to a bench nearby. "Slowly. One hole at a time," he answered.

"But I don't have enough time," Iftakar said bleakly, crumpling down onto the seat.

Noel joined him. "You have all the time in the world," he contradicted. "But you have to stay on course, Iftakar. No more of this giving in to hatred...seeking violence as the means to an end. I'll tell you something that I've learned. Every thought you put out there into the universe can become a reality – your reality. But those thoughts you direct to others will come back to you ten times magnified."

Iftakar turned his head towards Noel, listening carefully.

"Every thought of anger...ten times stronger directed back at you. Every thought of revenge...ten times. Every thought of killing...ten times, Iftakar," he said, squeezing the man's hand to impress the point.

Fear crept back into the East Indian's eyes. "How do you know?" he asked hoarsely.

Noel gazed at him for an infinite moment. "We are all one," he softly answered.

Iftakar looked deeply into Noel's eyes and Noel let all the love of the universe pour out of his glance.

Iftakar took a deep, ragged breath. "If what you say is true...then there's no hope for me." His eyes misted over with despair.

Noel shook his head slowly. "There is always hope, Iftakar – always. But you must discipline yourself. Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, think two positive ones to balance it."

Iftakar turned dead eyes on Noel. "It's not enough, Noel. And you know it."

Noel hesitated. "Maybe not this time around. But you do have time. You're carrying so much hurt...so much damage, Iftakar. But you are always loved. Always. And you will heal...when you choose it."

Iftakar shook his head, not believing. "It's too...hard," he said. "I don't have the energy for...discipline...like that," he mourned, then folded himself up against Noel and sobbed until nothing remained but dry heaves.

**********

It came as no surprise when the next day, Immigration knocked on the door and asked to speak to him about a woman named Lynta Bah. She had been taken in for questioning, they told Noel, after being accused of Islamic terrorism.

Noel closed his eyes briefly, stunned by how quickly Iftakar had done his work, but snapped himself out of it and invited the government representatives into the apartment to discuss the matter.

He assured them Lynta was no threat to anyone. Was she here legally? Yes. Had Noel seen her papers? Yes. Did he know who was sponsoring her? Not directly, but he knew the name of the couple who was. Had she ever spoken of other religions in a negative light? No. Had she ever indicated she was involved with terrorism or threatened a person in Noel's hearing? Certainly not.

The questions went on for well over an hour and despite Noel's best assurances, he felt his answers had not been as effective as he could have wished. They still suspected Lynta and were keeping her detained until they had spoken to Jeret, Lori and others, as well. Noel heard the door click behind the officers as they departed and leaned against the frame, heaving a deep sigh.

What could he do? He didn't know any international lawyers and certainly didn't want Lynta caged up while they continued to investigate...but he was helpless to provide solutions. The only thing he could do was meditate, pray and direct all of his energies into a positive resolution. Noel sank onto the floor, sitting cross-legged near the door, and centered himself with deep breathing. His visualization went on for six hours, until Jeret returned to the apartment.

**********

The deceit was staggering. Every time they thought they had Lynta out of danger and had provided proof that would set her free, Iftakar retaliated with some other malicious rumour that had to be investigated. When it was discovered that Lynta had forgotten to obtain a certain document that had been required upon landing in Canada, there was serious talk of having her deported. It had been an innocent mistake, with the new immigrant not understanding all the directions, but it was a costly misunderstanding. The days became grim for all of Lynta's friends as they sought to clear the taint around her name and get her released.

Finally, after a week in custody, she was allowed to return to her sponsors' home in Toronto, where she was to remain until the final legal red tape could be neatly snipped, rolled up and stored away for future use. Noel and Jeret breathed a heavy sigh of relief when they saw their friend sitting on the couch in her sponsors' home and both encircled her with arms and love upon greeting.

She assured them she was alright and despite the fear and uncertainty of not knowing if she would be allowed to stay in Canada, she was feeling confident things would work out in the end.

She asked about Lori; Noel assured her that she had been told the good news and would try to get up to see the group the following weekend. With her classes now in full swing, she had a more difficult time getting away from the area quickly. He was still in phone contact with her on a regular basis, though, and she wanted Lynta to know she was also praying for her. Lynta smiled at that and reached out to touch both Jeret's and Noel's faces in a grateful caress.

"Thank you for your help," she whispered. "I never could have gotten through this without the three of you."

She paused then turned to look at Noel.

"Any more word on Iftakar?"

He shook his head. "The last I heard, he threw a temper tantrum of epic proportions when he heard you'd been released and stormed out of the Immigration office. They're now investigating him to see why he was so bent on bringing you down."

"But watch yourself in the meantime, Lynta," Jeret cautioned. "I don't like the fact that he's so angry, directing that anger at you specifically, and is wandering at large. Just be careful."

Lynta smiled secretly. "I'm not worried. Tuft has been my non-stop companion since this all started," she said pointing in the corner where the lynx rested with alert eyes and ears. "She won't let anything get through."

**********

The dream, for Noel, left him as rigid as a marble statue in his twin-sized bed. He could scarcely breathe – was afraid to – in certainty that to draw breath would be to draw attention, as well.

He was walking down the streets of an ancient town - cobbles turned his ankles now and then and the dust was prevalent on his robes and on his tongue. He passed by shop fronts and residences – mere abodes carved out of the clay – where these hard-working people rested a weary head for a few, brief hours before toiling anew in the hot sun.

The men were out, he noticed. All of them. The husbands, fathers, protectors of their families, standing in front of their doorways with bowls of some liquid. Noel realized with a shock as he drew closer that the bowl was full of blood.

"What are you doing?" he asked, mystified.

An old man, with more teeth missing than what were visible in his jaw, turned to look at him, his watery eyes rheumy and lacking in hope. "Protecting ourselves," he said ominously. "Mark your door so he doesn't enter."

With that he pulled a brush, thick with blood and dripping excess into the dust, from the bowl and slathered a symbol across the lintel of the door. The blood oozed down, following the natural contours of the wood grain, but a deep dark stain remained.

The old man turned back to Noel upon completion of his task. "Best you do the same," he said.

Noel walked on. He passed out of the village, following a road that meandered alongside a wandering stream. The dust and clay eventually gave way to tenacious scraps of grass and brush, building to thicker pastures then larger trees and eventually to a forest heavily coated with lichen and draped with moss. With each step Noel took, the light faded incrementally until by the time he reached the forest, he could barely see the dusk through the trees. When he could go no further because of the density of the woods, he stopped.

It seemed as though the forest had closed around him now, blocking out any entrance or exit he might have used. It was nothing but trees; he couldn't reach out a hand without touching one. A mild wave of claustrophobia passed over him. It was deathly silent. Not a bird, not an insect made a sound – there wasn't even a passing breeze to ruffle the leaves. All Noel could hear was the sound of his own heart, his own breaths.

And then there was something else breathing near him with a heavy, guttural panting. All the hairs stood up on Noel's neck and he held perfectly still. A hunter, come to kill him. He knew with certainty that this was no fleeing animal – this was the predator. The breathing seemed to come from all around him; there was no hope in identifying the source of the sound.

Then suddenly, like a streak of heat lightning, a large cat bounded away in front of him, just out of reach. Then another came off to his right, and a third blazed like a shooting star across to his left until it faded out of sight. The woods seemed to be filled with them; a herd of cats, if such a thing existed, and Noel watched them – ten, fifteen, possibly twenty – darting through the trees and across the forest floor, light as skimming stones.

Noel looked off into the distance, where a sudden beam of light had appeared and he gasped in shock. They were all jaguars and there were hundreds of them. They seemed to be gathering on a hillside in the distance, getting their bearings, debating which way to go next. And then the King Jaguar was standing next to Noel – the same one they had all dreamt of before. Shadow was suddenly beside him; he could feel his fingertips trailing in the soft, black fur.

The King Jaguar looked at the two of them, panting softly as he regained his breath.

"What do I do?" Noel asked. "I don't think I can help him."

The jaguar tilted his head, taking in what Noel said, thinking about how to answer. "No," he confirmed, "it is past the point of your help. We will handle it."

The swarthy, muscular animal took a step toward him and his black panther. "Remind the others," he said. "They cannot guard their thoughts – cannot direct them – as you are able. And we will take no prisoners. Any who live from hatred, greed, dishonesty...they are ours."

Noel awoke to the sound of the jaguars snarling on the hunt.

Chapter 25

The January thaw that year came right on schedule, tempting and teasing the inhabitants of Ontario with the promises of spring. The snow had almost disappeared, leaving behind a sour, haggard-looking grass and revealing all the bits of trash that had been dumped and disguised by December's snow. It was Saturday and Lori had completed all the homework she'd been assigned: start a journal for Nature Lit, answer the questions at the back of chapter 5 for Canadian History and create a preliminary spreadsheet/chart combination for Business Math. There was no reason why she couldn't saddle up Piper and go for a leisurely ride in the warmer temperatures so that's exactly what she did.

Her little bay was "fresh on the bit" despite the exercise she did with him in the arena during the week. He was just as anxious as she was to be out and moving in the fresh air, actually covering distances instead of just circling in endless monotony around the arena. Lori did a few test stops with him first to ensure he was listening to her and she could slow him down, and then she turned down their quiet dirt road and let him stretch out and run for a mile or so. It felt wonderful.

They rode for several hours and after untacking him and brushing him down, she even let him "graze" for awhile in the backyard. She doubted the grass was even palatable, but Piper was the type of horse who derived a tremendous peace from simply going through the motions of step-root around-rip-chew. The actions themselves seemed to calm him down and make everything right with the world.

It was therefore quite late in the afternoon before Lori got back to the house and saw the light on her phone flashing. She checked her messages and hummed softly to herself – for just a moment – when she heard Noel's mellifluous voice.

"Lori, something of a rather urgent nature has come up. If it's possible, could you please call me back and let me know if you can make it to Jeret's tomorrow afternoon?"

**********

"I've had another dream about the jaguar," Noel began. "Or to be precise, I've dreamt about a hundred of them."

Lori looked at him, riveted, and heard Lynta gasp beside her on the couch. Jeret was the only one who didn't seem surprised, no doubt because he'd heard it before.

Lynta was here on special permission from the government – still being watched for signs of terrorist behaviour or anything even remotely suspicious – and Lori had only been able to come with Noel's assurance that they wouldn't be more than a couple of hours. She had to get back and work with the horses yet, but clearly this was important to Noel.

"Something is going to happen soon," Noel continued. "I dreamt of an entire army of jaguars...and they were hunting souls."

"What?" Lori asked, startled.

Noel turned his coal-black eyes on her and nodded.

"They are looking for those filled with 'hatred, greed and dishonesty' our so-called friend the head jaguar told me. It's almost as if they're reading our thoughts and eliminating those people whose thoughts aren't...well, in line with theirs."

"Eliminating?" Lynta inquired. "What do you mean?"

Noel shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know. It was all happening in my dream state...but it felt like they were hunting to kill."

Lori bit her lip, her heart picking up pace.

Noel gave her a small smile of reassurance. "It will be alright," he said softly, almost to her alone.

Then he included Jeret and Lynta in his sweeping gaze around the room. "But we have to learn to control our thoughts – to be conscious – all the time. The jaguars won't differentiate, you see. They are attracted to any who have negative thoughts."

"Well, I for one kind of like this idea," Jeret said with a wink. "John Lennon had it right all along – instant karma is going to get them."

The girls laughed nervously, but Noel turned on his roommate, deadly serious. "Be very careful, Jeret," he warned. "Thoughts of revenge and wanting to mete out punishment for wrongs done to you are another form of hatred."

Noel sat down abruptly on the makeshift coffee table, so that he was eye-level with Lynta and Lori. "We are all one," he said distinctly, carefully. "You must understand the essence of that, its very core.... God, Allah, the Supreme Being, the Great Creator...we are all just bits and pieces of that Higher Source. We are all candles of the sun; we are all atoms making up this Great Matter."

Noel turned to each of them in turn, the intensity of his gaze frightening.

"When you look at Iftakar, Lynta, you should see yourself. The airline administrators who ignored the safety reports and caused Cody's death are creations of God, Lori. And Jeret, that boss at the zoo you tangle with and wish would get fired...he is an angel sent to you from the Heavens. If all of you are to escape the jaguars' hunt, then you must – you must – come to realize this."

Noel scanned the group again, clenching his hands together as though he were pleading with them. Lori could scarcely breathe.

"All that we wish on another comes back to us ten-fold. We spew this anger – this venom – at one another because we feel threatened or hurt, but soon the air we breathe is filled with nothing but poison. No wonder our world is as it is, when this invisible pollution clogs our senses, our minds, our hearts!"

Noel's voice cracked with his impassioned words and he broke off, shaking his head, trying to regain his composure.

Lori looked first at Jeret who, chagrined, had his head down, not making eye contact with anyone. Lynta seemed to be speechless herself and stared blankly at Lori. It was up to her, then, to get clarification.

"But Noel," she began timidly, "what are the jaguars doing, if it's not born out of their own revenge and hatred? You say we should choose love and not fear, but this idea of cats swallowing our souls has me petrified. Why are they threatening us like this?"

Noel gave her a gentle look, back in control of his emotions again. "They are not doing this out of revenge or hatred, Lori. They are simply...cleaning up...a rather large mess we all have made. Think of it as an oil spill," he added. "The first thing you must do is contain the leak, stop the contamination. Then you begin the clean-up."

He touched Jeret and Lynta lightly, almost in blessing, then reached out and squeezed Lori's knee. She felt instantly comforted.

"The jaguars are here, I think, to help, though it might not appear that way to some. Death is not a permanent state – it is just a time of transition. It is just a change. And all of us have been saying there is a change coming. I don't mean we're all going to die, but that we are going to be altered in some fundamental way. Some will need help with this change. Others can do it on their own. I think all of you are capable of this transition without their help. But you must stay mindful."

An image of shadowy cats racing through the night - attacking with razor-sharp teeth and claws - leapt into Lori's mind and she shuddered under Noel's hand.

**********

Noel went through instruction with the group on how to meditate, how to raise thoughts to higher levels, and helped them to create "I am" statements that they could say throughout the day to maintain those levels. These "I am" statements were more global in scope: things like, "I am a source of love and light and tolerance," "I am a part of a whole that includes every other living thing I come in contact with," "I am special, along with all others who cross my path."

He hoped it was enough, felt 98% sure that it was.

He had taken to watching the news. A mysterious plague was sweeping through the prison system: hardened criminals, who had been deemed hopeless for rehabilitation, were dying in their sleep throughout the world. Accusations were running rampant. Was this some agreed-upon plot by some unknown organization? Was the idea to kill all the criminals and get them off government assistance? It was more than coincidence that this was happening and yet there was no proof that it was homicide.

Noel and Jeret were glued to the TV set, listening to the reporter speak of no visible causes of death – no wounds, no diseases, no poison in the bloodstream. They were simply dying in their sleep, one by one, and it was anybody's guess as to who would be next.

Jeret turned off the TV when the reporter went onto another subject, gingerly setting the remote on their makeshift coffee table as though it might contain nitro glycerine. The silence was thick in the room, but moving as though it had been disturbed by an unseen creature's breath.

Noel licked his lips, dimly conscious of a clock ticking in the hallway.

"It's the jaguars, isn't it?" Jeret finally asked quietly.

Noel nodded reflexively. "I believe so."

Another pause, as Jeret contemplated it all. "So what you said was true – they're going after the ones who can't change on their own."

Noel turned to look at his friend. "I think so. But that doesn't mean those left behind are pure of heart...or will know instinctively how to create a better life for themselves...or how to abide by the golden rule. There's still a lot of work to do, Jeret. A lot of work."

**********

The criminals kept dying, randomly, quietly, and Noel asked Jeret to keep an eye out for who the head jaguar might be. He felt compelled to speak to the man and get more direction on what was coming, but with the criminal element being exterminated on a global scale, it was difficult to say where the source was located.

Just a few days later, however, Jeret dropped something in his lap as he was re-reading key passages of the Tecumseh biography on his bed.

"What's this?" he inquired, picking up the folded piece of paper, decorated with Mayan symbols and other Native art.

"It's your jaguar," Jeret stated bluntly. Then, doubting himself amended it with an "I think."

Noel unfolded the paper and read the announcement. B'alam – world-famous psychic and fortune-teller, descendent of the great Mayan race, it announced, is on a world tour. Known for his amazingly accurate predictions, based on the Mayan calendar and their mythology, B'alam was doing public readings of audience members "as the spirit moved him." He was holding a seminar at the University of Toronto this Saturday and tickets were selling fast. Don't miss out! the brochure warned, this is something your soul can't afford to miss!

Noel snorted and cocked an eyebrow at Jeret. "A little over the top, wouldn't you say?"

Jeret grinned. "Yeah. But not necessarily untrue for all that. He's definitely a showman – he's causing quite the stir wherever he goes. And the people at the zoo are saying certain religious groups here in town have already started protesting his arrival."

Noel grinned back at his roommate. "Then we should go. Do you want to call the ladies or shall I?"

**********

Confirmation of the million dollars being deposited into her account came to Lori the day before the B'alam presentation in Toronto. Her mother, of course, immediately gave her the phone number of a reliable financial advisor who would help her diversify her portfolio and strictly forbade her to do anything with the money until she had done some research.

"I know, Mum," she said into the phone, suppressing a sigh but rolling her eyes theatrically to nobody. "You've taught me well – I'm not going to do anything hasty with it."

"Well, make sure you don't. I've heard stories where people got started on spending sprees, thinking they'd just buy a few thousand dollars' worth of things...and then suddenly they're looking around them and everything's gone."

"Don't worry, Mum," Lori said again, more forcefully. "Do you think I'm going to go out and buy a racehorse with it?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it past you," her mother retorted, but there was a smile in her voice. "I just want to make sure you invest it wisely, Lori. If you do, you can pay for your education, train horses at your leisure, and live on your farm forever without ever having to look for paid work again."

"That sounds wonderful, Mother – that really does. I'll take your advisor's suggestions and research things thoroughly before I decide. There's no great hurry, after all – I managed to get enough money together from my demos and training last year to pay for my school tuition and all the other monthly expenses are under control so I can take my time."

"And just be careful who you start telling about this money – you don't want to open yourself up to con artists, fraudsters and hackers who might try to get their hands on it. Have you told many people?"

"No, just Shannon and Noel, I think. I don't know if Rita told anyone that would know me...but I suppose if people really want to go digging, they could find out. The results of the settlement are mentioned in a few different articles I've seen."

"Yes, I've seen them, too," Lori's mom agreed. "But I haven't seen any mention of your name specifically. How did Noel react?"

Lori's mother tried to slide the question in unobtrusively, but Lori knew her far too well.

"Don't start, Mum."

"What?" she asked in mock surprise.

"You know very well what," Lori said, trying to maintain her humour. "Noel is not a money-grubbing gypsy, just waiting around to see if I was going to get a huge chunk of money. He's not like that. In fact, after I told him, he said something about it paying for more education and then went on to another subject like I had told him somebody had given me a stick of gum – not a million dollars."

"Oh?" her mother asked, clearly sceptical. "Well, that's good to know. But if he – or anybody else – starts asking you for loans –"

"Mum, enough now," Lori interrupted. "You brought me up better than that and I don't associate with people who are going to take advantage of me. Have some faith," she chided.

"Alright, alright," her mother surrendered. "I just want this to be a safe, secure beginning for you. Heaven knows you've had enough drama and tragedy lately to last you a lifetime. Although I'm sure you wish you'd received this money under better circumstances, at least some good should come of it."

"It'll be alright, Mum," Lori avowed. "I'll be careful."

**********

The group had agreed to meet at Jeret's and Noel's apartment before setting out together to the university concert hall where B'alam was appearing. Lori received a quick kiss on the cheek from Jeret as he handed her a ticket for the event, she tipping her head slightly so that her new black hat wasn't in the way. Jeret reached for the shoulders of her coat as she shrugged out of it and he murmured in her ear in true Jeret fashion, "Whattya say? Was that kiss worth a thousand bucks, do you think?"

Lori laughed and pushed him away. "Hardly. I think I've got some loose pocket change here, though..." she answered, pretending to root through the bottom of her purse.

"Oh," Jeret panted, grabbing his chest and staggering backward as though mortally wounded, "you cut me to the quick."

"Yeah, yeah," Lori answered, rolling her eyes at him. "So I take it Noel has told you about my change of fortune?"

"He has indeed," Jeret answered. "Does one say congratulations for something like that? It seems wrong."

Lori shrugged. "I guess it's not that appropriate, is it? But I do have to admit, there's a tremendous sense of relief when you know you're not going to be forced to eat egg noodles with butter and parsley the rest of your life."

"Hmmm," Jeret said, rubbing the blond down on his chin in mock contemplation. "I'll have to try that sometime – it sounds good."

Lori chuckled and pushed him lightly away a second time. "Where's your roommate?" she asked boldly.

"He's in my room, on the computer. He's trying to get some background on this B'alam guy but everything's shrouded in mystery."

Lori raised an eyebrow and tilted her head in the direction of Jeret's bedroom. "Mind if I go in?"

"Help yourself," Jeret called back as a knock sounded on the door, "I'll just let Lynta in."

Noel was peering intently at the computer screen in Jeret's room, his unbound black hair brushing softly against his shoulders and slightly hiding his face from view as he leaned over to study the information about B'alam.

"Hey, you," she said quietly as she entered the room and Noel spun quickly in his seat to see who had entered.

"Mmm," he said in appreciation when he saw who it was. He slid gracefully out of the chair and came to wrap his arms around her.

He had his suede coat on with the fringe, a burgundy dress shirt on beneath, and a pair of black jeans covered his beaten cowboy boots. When he took her in his arms, Lori breathed a deep breath of him, intoxicated by the smell of the leather, the slight hint of fried onions clinging to his hair, and the subtle smell of sweetgrass and sandalwood that always seemed to pervade his skin.

He stepped back a bit to look her over, his expression one of appreciation and – surprisingly – gratitude. "You look fantastic," he said. "That top matches your eyes and hair perfectly."

She self-consciously looked down at the black, grey and green top she was wearing; its scalloped neckline suited her long neck well but it was lower cut than she would have normally worn and Lori was still getting used to the feel of air on so much of her skin.

"Thanks," she said modestly, brushing at the fabric, trying to pull it down in back so that the neckline rose up a bit in front.

"No," Noel contradicted, grabbing her hands. "Leave it. And do me another favour?" he asked as his eyes roamed up towards her head. "Take that hat off. I want us all to be as...visible...tonight as we can be."

She cocked an eyebrow at him as she removed the hat, silently inquiring.

"I want B'alam to know about our affiliations with the cats," Noel explained. "I think it's important we be identifiable."

Lori tossed her hat on Jeret's bed and looked up in surprise as Noel lifted his hands and ran his fingers through her hair, fluffing up the locks that had been flattened by the cap. The touch seemed exceptionally intimate in the dim light of Jeret's bedroom, the only sounds audible the quiet hum of the computer behind Noel and the soft murmuring of Jeret's and Lynta's voices in the other room.

Noel gathered up a thick bunch of her hair in each hand, rubbing it between his thumbs and forefingers as though it were priceless silk. "Gorgeous," he murmured, then leaned in to kiss her.

She thought by now she'd be used to the sharp jolt of electricity that always blazed through her whenever she came in contact with him, but it made her gasp again this time, just as before.

His lips were soft and warm, and he took his time with the kiss which sent even more flickers of heat lightning across her face and down her neck. When he pulled away, Lori felt as though she had been savoured like the most delectable of foods.

Noel slid his hand down her arm, then entwined his fingers with hers and turned slightly away; she swayed towards him, drawn like the tide to the moon, and followed him towards the computer.

"I've been reading up about B'alam," he stated. "He's from Peru – of Mayan descent – like Jeret said. And he's been quite controversial, even in his own birthplace. He apparently has made some rather disturbing comments in interviews about a Skygod who tells him what to do and he warns that those who don't act with integrity will be destroyed. He's been pointing fingers at those he thinks fall within that category ...and they're people of great power in the world."

Noel turned to give Lori a small, ironic smile. "Apparently the CEOs and Presidents of these major corporations don't like to be threatened with death."

Lori snorted and looked again at the website Noel had open. "I shouldn't wonder," she said. "What are we in for tonight, Noel?"

He shook his head. "I've no idea, but somehow I think we're going to walk away with even more questions than we had before."

**********

Night had fallen before they got underway and the roads were slick with slush, gleaming under the city's streetlights. On the drive to the hall, the traffic around them slowly trickled to a standstill as they reached a crucial intersection near the auditorium.

Noel saw the flashing lights first and leaned forward in his seat.

"Pull over, Jeret," he advised as he watched the eerie red glow flash off surrounding buildings, other cars, pedestrians on the sidewalk.

"Looks like there's been an accident," Jeret murmured, putting the car in park.

Noel felt Lori lean forward from the back seat, her head appearing between him and Jeret in the front. "What is it?" she asked.

Noel shook his head. "There's been an accident, we think. At least, there's a bunch of emergency vehicles up ahead."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than another ambulance came up behind them, forcing other cars still on the road to move over, as well. The group watched it race by, Noel sending a fleeting, heartfelt prayer up that all those involved would have the strength to endure what would need to be endured.

"Do you think I should offer to help?" Jeret asked. "I'm trained in CPR."

Noel considered, but shook his head briefly. "The professionals are there already. It's probably best for us to stay out of the way and let them do their jobs. Besides, it looks as though it's near the intersection where the biggest protests were taking place – it could be dangerous."

He felt Jeret's eyes on him and knew the question that went unspoken. Since when has danger ever deterred you from doing anything? But Noel said no more.

A few more minutes went by and Noel could feel the tension increasing not only in their vehicle but also in the cars around them. The atmosphere was charged with the thrill and nervousness that accompanies all car wrecks. The underlying thread of "that could have been me" combined with the desire to help and run away all at the same time created an anxious crowd that was forced to sit and wait.

Noel shifted in his seat so he could see Lori and Lynta in the backseat. Both women looked at him, but said nothing. There really was nothing to say. Lori shrugged and gave him a half-smile, commiserating with the helplessness they all felt, but Lynta's gaze started to slide off into the distance and Noel sharpened his gaze.

The Senegalese's vision appeared to be glazing over and her body grew very still. She hadn't fainted, but she was very far away, her eyes darting back and forth as though she were watching something else take place in front of her.

"Lynta..." Noel started, but then swung around in astonishment as Lori screamed and something hit the windshield at the same time.

The first thing Noel was aware of was a massive cat's paw on the window in front of him, the claws out as the animal tried to get a purchase on the slippery surface underneath it. As it slid down the window, the telltale ear came into view.

"It's Tuft," Noel heard Jeret say in amazement at the same time Lynta spoke from the back seat.

"I have to go," she mumbled, already pushing her way out of the car, pointed in the direction of the accident.

Tuft jumped off the hood of Jeret's vehicle and began a steady trot towards the flashing lights, her stubby tail bobbing in rhythm to her gait. Lynta trailed behind as though in a trance, without a backward glance to her friends.

"Follow her!" Noel pleaded as he fumbled with the car door handle, Lori and Jeret already tumbling out of their seats, as well.

When they reached the scene of the accident it was even worse than Noel had imagined. There were bodies everywhere and one side of the street held rows of people on stretchers, lined up in their white cocoons, looking hauntingly like the triage area in a war zone.

"What happened?" Jeret shouted to one of the paramedics racing by.

"Somebody lost control of their car – drove it right into the mass of protestors on the sidewalk over there," the EMT shouted back, jerking his head in the direction of the worst of the carnage.

"I know CPR," Jeret shouted back, as he ran alongside the paramedic who was jogging off to Noel's right. "How can I help?"

"Come with me," the EMT answered heading off to the area where the heaviest concentration of bodies lied.

Jeret disappeared in the crowd and Noel took a deep breath, steadying himself. He closed his eyes and reached deep within, listening beyond the cries of the wounded, the barked orders of the first-aiders, and listened for those other voices – the ones that came in a whisper, calling for another kind of help.

When he opened his eyes, he knew what he needed to do. Lori was standing a few feet away from him, frozen by the horror around her, not knowing what to do. He walked towards her, touched her arm gently, making her jump, and put his mouth near her ear so she could hear him over the din.

"Come with me," he urged. "We can help over here."

He led her to the lines of stretchers, the rows of people who'd already been attended and were now awaiting ambulances or other modes of transportation to take them to nearby hospitals. He knelt by the first stretcher, pulling Lori down beside him, and smiled in greeting at an older woman who laid there, her head wrapped in a crude bandage with dried blood running in a zigzag pattern across her temple and down her cheek.

"Hello," he said gently. "My name is Nahuel," he offered.

"Emily," the injured woman answered, her voice hoarse with shock.

"Emily, this is Lori, my friend," he said, leaning back so Lori and the victim could make eye contact. There was a gasp from Lori and Noel looked sharply at her.

Lori glanced at him briefly, murmuring, "She's one of my professors – Dr. Robertson." She knelt down beside Noel and took the teacher's hand in hers. "We'll wait with you until the ambulance comes," she promised.

Noel reached out and rested his hand gently on Emily's bandaged head, lightly touching the padding over her wound. He closed his eyes and imagined the wound, what it looked like now, what it should look like when it was whole and healthy, and how the skin would look if it were to rapidly heal. He imagined the cells that had been torn asunder being put back together, the cut skin joining as though it had been stitched, the million little nerve endings and capillaries reattaching and sealing up. And then, in sudden inspiration, Noel thought of Lori's kittens and how Luke and Leia had used purring to heal broken bones.

He looked up at Lori, his eyes alight, and took her hand, setting it gently on Emily's head.

"Hum," he directed, standing up and looking towards the next injured person.

"What?" she asked, bewildered.

"Hum," he repeated. "Like Luke and Leia – try to match their purring frequency."

And then he took off towards the next person, touching, giving comfort, chanting softly as a shaman would do, leaving Lori humming softly next to her assigned patient.

The minutes passed by in a blur after that. Noel remembered seeing Jeret at one point, bent over a prone teenage boy. He was unconscious and Jeret was pumping frantically at his chest, breathing into his mouth, clearing his air passages, trying again. Noel said a brief prayer for both as he passed on to the next patient slipping into shock at his feet.

Much later, he finally caught sight of Lynta. She was in a more remote area of the triage, Tuft crouched at her side. He realized with a shock the patients she was attending to were those whose faces were covered. They had already died; had been set aside to be picked up by the morgue. She was carefully pulling back their shrouds, placing a hand on either temple, breathing softly into their faces, kissing them gently between the eyes. She moved from body to body, repeating her ritual, easing them back to the sidewalk when she was finished with these bizarre last rites.

And then Noel saw something that caused the blood to drain from his face. Lynta uncovered another of the victims – this one zipped in a body bag – and gently placed her hand under his skull. She lifted his head up and Noel could see her lips were moving as though she were speaking to him. She paused, looked down at the body, and then breathed softly into his face. She waited a moment, looked at him again, moved in to kiss him gently on the brow...and moved back as the man pushed frantically at the body bag he was ensconced in.

Lynta crouched off to the side, Tuft pacing in agitation around them, and then the man was pushing free of the bag, unzipping it frantically and kicking in desperation as though he were trapped in a coffin already. He rolled free of it, got to his hands and knees and said something to Lynta. She nodded in acknowledgement and pointed in the direction he should go. He pushed himself to his feet and staggered off towards the nearest ambulance. Lynta watched him for only a moment and then turned to unzip another body bag.

Chapter 26

When Noel saw a couple of paramedics eyeing them and speaking close together from across the street, he knew it was time to leave. They were starting to arouse suspicions with their actions – he and Lori had continued to chant and hum softly over the patients who were slipping in to shock to noticeable effect – one person had even remarked how the pain had disappeared in her broken femur – and Jeret had most certainly revived at least two people with his CPR. And Lynta...well, even Noel wasn't sure what could be said about Lynta's work that night.

But the media was beginning to arrive and victims and first-aiders alike were starting to watch them a little too speculatively. Time to discreetly pull away before their names were requested or too many questions were asked.

He signalled to Lori and they stood together, their own muscles aching and sore from bending over torn bodies for so long.

"Do you know where Jeret is?" he asked her, looking around.

"I think I saw him down that way," she pointed. "Do you want me to get him?"

"Yeah – I'll tell Lynta it's time to go. If we don't meet you beforehand, let's regroup by the car, alright?"

She nodded and faded into the activity surrounding them.

He found Lynta seated on the curb, head hanging in sheer exhaustion. Kneeling beside her, he rested a hand on her knee and tipped his head so he could see her expression.

"You alright?"

She looked up at him; her eyes were bloodshot but clear. "Yes, but...." She trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"That was miraculous work, Lynta," he offered quietly. "Not natural...but definitely miraculous."

She looked off to his right, not capable of responding in her fatigue, not acknowledging her part in the night's activities. She blinked and then tried to focus on him once more. "I didn't faint this time, did I?" she asked in wonder.

"No. No you didn't. I think because you were so close to the situation, you could just walk there. There was no need to leave your body behind."

She laughed softly at the irony of the words, but shook her head and rubbed a long-fingered hand over her face.

"Do you know how many?" Noel asked, not wanting to voice the rest of the question – how many you resurrected?

She shook her head mutely.

"We should go," he said. "People are starting to wonder, I think. Can you stand?" He reached down and cupped her elbow, bracing for her movement.

Lynta struggled to her feet, leaning against him for a moment to regain her balance then they headed off towards the car.

**********

Lori noticed the cats first on the walk back – they had joined up with Noel and Lynta about a block from the accident, and their feline friends were soon to follow. Tuft was demonstrably agitated, circling the group then pacing ahead, jogging back and once again trying to round up the humans, Border collie-style. Shadow, Mist and Sand had also appeared on the walk back, each clinging tightly to their person and bumping a hand occasionally with their flat, broad heads.

"What's up, do you think?" she asked, gesturing to the worried Tuft who had once again jogged ahead several paces.

Noel shook his head, watching the cats in bafflement. "Everyone's on edge tonight; I wonder if it's just the accident."

"Or the jaguar's visit," Jeret mumbled.

"Tuft, what's wrong?" Lori called to her. "Why you?"

She looked across at Lynta who was still leaning against Noel as they walked.

Noel glanced at the Senegalese's face, as well, checking to make sure she was still with them – hadn't slipped back into a trance – but she seemed lucid. "Maybe she just knows Lynta's tired...and more vulnerable," he hypothesized.

The gang of eight continued to shuffle along, keeping a wary eye on the building doorways and alleys around them for ambush from the media. The noise of the accident scene had faded away as they neared the car and the ghostly red glow from the emergency vehicles grew dimmer.

Lori would have breathed a sigh of relief to be away from the tragedy, but the cats were still making her uneasy. She wanted nothing more than for this evening to be over and yet she knew it hadn't even begun – Noel still wanted to try and speak to B'alam, even if his seminar was clearly finished. She sighed and hung her head in exhaustion, catching sight of a penny near the gutter as she did so.

Bending over to pick it up undoubtedly saved her life.

She felt a rush of wind pass over her back and saw Mist launch herself out of the corner of her eye. The snow leopard cleared 20 feet with one bound, barrelling into Lori and knocking her off her feet, snarling and spitting at something to Lori's left.

"Hey!" she protested. "What-?"

But she was interrupted by a sharp scream from Lynta and several deep grunts from Jeret and Noel as they struggled with some amorphous shape in the darkness. Lori spun around from her sitting position, paralyzed with uncertainty. She tried to make out what it was and how she could help but couldn't see anything tangible. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she peered into the darkness, trying to make out the shapes that were fighting in a battle to the death nearby.

She had gotten to her knees when Shadow and Sand joined the fray, deep vicious snarls punctuating their participation in the struggle. Mist came to stand in front of her, protecting and blocking at the same time, but Lori gently pushed her away with her knee.

"I have to help," she explained when the cat looked up at her.

Lynta screamed again and Lori looked wildly around for something to use as a weapon. There was nothing – a fire hydrant, street signs, a newspaper kiosk were all that were nearby. She could hear the two men and their cats locked with something, breathing heavily as they sought to contain whatever was attacking Lynta and as they spun around, seeking to gain a hold, Lori saw a telltale glimpse of long ears and eyes surrounded by a white ring in the light from the streetlamps.

Iftakar.

Lori gasped and without conscious thought, headed towards the alley he had come from. Mist was right next to her, leaping in effortless strides alongside. She slid to a halt in front of a dumpster there and dived in, gritting her teeth and trying to breathe through her mouth to avoid the stench. Tossing things out of her way, she burrowed deeper into the trash, sobbing with the effort and fear of what might be going on behind her in the street.

She crowed in relief when her fingers closed around a glass beer bottle and she yanked it hastily loose from the other boxes and bags on top of it. Kicking herself free of the dumpster, she sprinted back towards the main street, Mist still running alongside – her thoughts, pulse and breath all speeding faster than her feet could carry her.

She came back to the main road, skidding to a stop as she assessed the situation.

It was Iftakar – she could see him plainly now. He had Lynta in a vicious grip, a long, thick, evil-looking blade pressed against her throat. Even the cloth of her hijab would be no protection against such a weapon. Jeret and Noel were standing nearby, arms raised in evidence of their defencelessness, gasping for air as they tried to regain control of the situation. But everyone there – even the cats – knew who had the control.

"Iftakar, stop," Noel panted. "You'll regret this. You will. You're just adding to your struggle. You thought you felt hopeless before?" he challenged. "If you kill her, you'll only put yourself into a deeper hell."

Iftakar made a sound half-way between a sob and a laugh. "Do you think I care anymore?" he asked, sliding the knife gently across the material at Lynta's throat. "Do you think I care?" he bellowed again.

"Yes. I do," Noel said. "I know who you are, Iftakar."

The East Indian laughed maniacally. "You don't know me at all. And she...is going to die," he added, looking at the paralyzed, trembling woman in his grip.

Jeret took a step towards them and Lori saw Lynta's eyes grow wide in panic as Iftakar swung her in front of him as a shield. "You kill her," Jeret threatened softly, "and you'll join her before you get the knife free of her flesh."

Iftakar shook his head sadly. "You'd be doing me a favour," he answered bleakly, tipping the knife as though to puncture Lynta's windpipe.

Lynta sobbed in a fatalistic way when she felt the knife cut through the fabric and the sound was enough to spur Lori into action.

"No!" she yelled and took a firm grip on the beer bottle in her hand then stepped towards the corner of the nearest building and smashed it as hard as she could. She wasn't sure what she meant to do with it, but the jagged edges of the broken bottle looked better than nothing at all.

The noise of the breaking glass seemed deafening on the deserted street. Noel and Jeret turned to look at her in surprise...and so did Iftakar.

The temporary distraction was all Tuft needed. As the man jerked his attention away from Lynta, the cat gathered its powerful hindquarters and launched itself directly at Iftakar's face. He fell back, screaming, as the weight of the lynx landed full on his chest; the knife dropped, forgotten at his feet, and his hold on Lynta was broken.

Jeret grabbed the hostage and pulled her away as Lori stood stunned, watching the lynx sink its claws deep into the side of Iftakar's face.

He gave another high, piercing scream as the razors sank in, piercing his temples and pulling down to leave deep, angry furrows along his jaw line and cheeks.

"Tuft!" Noel shouted in alarm as the cat continued to maul the East Indian, oblivious to everything around her. "Tuft!" he shouted again.

The feline lifted a drooling, bloodstained head towards Noel and blinked in anger, ears flat to her skull.

"Enough," Noel said firmly. "She's safe."

He walked cautiously towards the big cat, who was loathe getting off her prey, and crouched down nearby so that he was eye-to-eye with her.

"Go to Lynta," he said softly, reaching fingers to Iftakar's neck, searching for a pulse as he pressed against the blood-stained skin.

Tuft slowly slid off the human and glided away to Lynta and Jeret, looking back now and then as she went to ensure the danger was past.

Lori stumbled forward – the bottle still clutched in her unresponsive fingers – and knelt down next to Noel.

"Is he dead?" she asked, looking at the prone, bleeding form in front of her. Angry red slashes decorated Iftakar's face but he appeared to be breathing.

Noel shook his head. "No, but near enough."

He went through Iftakar's pockets and removed a cell phone he found there. Flipping it open, he began dialling.

"What are you doing?" Lori asked, astounded.

"Calling 911," Noel answered. "We've got to give him a chance."

"Do we?" she asked, surprised herself at how cold her voice sounded.

Noel lifted his head to study her face and raised an eyebrow at her in question.

"Yes," he answered definitively, "we do."

After speaking to dispatch, giving the location of Iftakar and explaining the injuries, Noel rubbed the phone across his thigh and placed it on Iftakar's chest with his hand tucked up inside his sleeve.

Lori was still squatting on the other side of Iftakar's body, watching Noel in bemusement.

"Best get rid of that bottle," Noel murmured, jerking his head at Lori's makeshift weapon. "Wipe your fingerprints off it and let's get out of here."

As they sank into the vehicle a few moments later, and Jeret put the car in drive, the last sight Lori had was of Iftakar's body, no more than a humped shape near the gutter, with a caracal standing off to the side.

**********

They were extremely late getting to the auditorium. Weaving around behind the scene of the accident and coming up on a side street, Jeret eventually pulled up alongside the back of the building and raised an eyebrow towards Noel.

"Do you think he's still in there?" he asked.

Noel looked towards the edifice, where a single light was shining, and nodded. "He's there."

The group left the vehicle with trepidation and headed to the back stage door. Before they reached it, it opened from the inside and a lean, athletic young man greeted them.

"He's been waiting," the man said with a heavy Mexican accent. "Follow me."

Lori gave Noel a look of fear and slid closer to him, entwining her fingers with his. She felt suddenly like a very small pawn on a very large chessboard. He had been waiting for them? How did he even know who they were?

They walked through dimly-lit hallways, passing various pieces of lighting equipment and staging before coming to another corridor, bathed in light, with a dressing room door cracked open enough for Lori to get a glimpse of the figure within.

She knew immediately that it was B'alam – his face was weathered, hard; like the grains of an ancient piece of driftwood – but the flamboyant clothes he wore were indicative of his Mayan ancestry. The jeans he wore were covered by a brilliant red-and-yellow poncho and he had the most curious headpiece adorning his crown she had ever seen: a combination of feathers, leather strips, porcupine quills and scraps of bright blue cloth stood up in array above his scalp.

Their escort ushered them into the room and by instinct, the rest of the group hung back, allowing Noel to come forward and make the introductions. But clearly, introductions weren't necessary.

"Ah, Nahuel," the Mayan said, coming forward with both hands extended to greet him.

Noel cocked an eyebrow, gave a slight nod of the head. "You know me?" he asked, but without surprise.

B'alam laughed – a dry, whispery sound like leaves brushing against branches. "I recognize you from our shared dreams," he confirmed as though it were obvious.

Lori's eyes were riveted on the small man in front of them. Despite his diminutive stature – she stood a good 4" taller than he – his sheer presence commanded everyone's attention. She had felt the same sense of awe when first meeting Noel, she realized, but this was amplified a hundred times with the man in the room with them.

"So you are the jaguar," Noel said reflectively.

"Oh, yes," B'alam answered. And then a curious thing began to happen. As Lori watched, his face began to alter shape – grew flatter, broader – and a distinct gold fuzz began to form along the lines of his jaw. When his eyes also began to slant – drooping down on the inside and tipping up on the ends, rather than a human's level stare – she gasped along with the others. He was changing into a jaguar before their eyes!

He seemed to realize how the change was frightening them, though, and shifted immediately back to his human form. Lori felt all the hairs on her neck and arms ripple in fright, her skin popping out in gooseflesh with the knowledge that he could change into the cat they had recognized in their dreams.

B'alam had released Noel's hand and was now stepping towards Lynta, concern on his face.

"How are you, my dear?" he asked, reaching out his weathered hands to cup her chin.

Lynta licked her lips, swallowing reflexively. "I am alright," she answered.

"An unfortunate end to the evening after such a night's work!" B'alam commented. "You did well...touched many lives tonight."

Lynta blinked. "You know about that?"

B'alam gave her a toothy grin. "Of course." He looked at all of them in turn, then, smiling at each with deep affection. "You are all in your infancy...but you will learn quickly now. You have known for some time, I think, what was going on but you needed confirmation. Well, tonight...you have it."

"So that's not the end of it – what happened with Iftakar?" Jeret asked.

B'alam turned to him with a laugh. "Oh, my friend," he chuckled, clasping his hands together. "It is just the beginning."

His face began to slide again, changing into the face of the jaguar, yet his voice remained steady as he talked. "You know by now of your connection to the cats – you have met your partners."

He extended a human arm towards the floor and Lori noticed that Mist and the others had suddenly appeared in the room, standing at the back, their tails twitching now and then in lazy confidence.

"They are here to help you on this most remarkable journey you will take," B'alam continued. "Use them. Rely on them. They will not let you down."

His face resumed the look of a Mayan and he turned to Jeret and Lynta. "You have special qualities, you two. Reviving those who are hovering at the threshold of death is a privilege and a tremendous responsibility...but do not be afraid of it. Remember that in the end you are only presenting a choice. It is always – always – up to the individual will whether they take the path you present on the left...or the path you present on the right."

B'alam turned and gave Noel a piercing look. "You would be best to remember that yourself, Nahuel. You cannot save them all. Or rather, you cannot not save them all – their ultimate protection is guaranteed."

Noel nodded silently, but Lori felt as though the Mayan was speaking in his native tongue for all she could understand of the conversation. She remained close to Noel, seeking his protection from this force that seemed bigger than life, wrapped in a human form. She let out a small sigh of relief when B'alam again turned his attention to Lynta and Jeret.

"Now listen," he cautioned them, "birth is always a messy business – full of blood and tears; laughter and relief, as well – do not expect the future to be what you call pretty."

"Birth?" Jeret questioned. "I thought we were just talking about death."

"They are one and the same," B'alam answered. "Where one ends, another begins. It is the same action – it is the changing of form. That is all." He shrugged his shoulders, dismissing it.

The Mayan moved closer to Lori, and leaned against a series of crates stacked against the wall, his features again distorting into the skull of a jaguar. "You humans are so insistent on trying to keep things contained...trying to create barriers and keep life safely tucked into the lines you've drawn."

He suddenly reached out and ran a hand down Lori's arm, his fingernails lightly scraping against her skin. She gasped in surprise and had to struggle not to pull away. His hand felt warm and dry – just like his voice. "But do you think your life is contained in this shell? Even as we stand here, your energy is moving back and forth through this barrier we call skin. Do you feel the heat coming off of Nahuel, Lori?" he asked with a blend of amusement and challenge.

She felt Noel squeeze her hand and she nodded, her eyes transfixed on the jaguar face that was speaking to her. By this point, she was past even wondering how he knew her name.

"It is the same with you. Right now your heart is beating with a series of electrical charges; your lungs are feeding your blood and converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. What an amazing machine you are! You are vapour and liquid and solid matter and electricity, vibrating right in front of me. How beautiful you are!"

He pushed off of the crates and came to cup Lori's face in his hands, as well. She froze, transfixed by his nearness and the powerful waves of...life...that engulfed her.

"And can you understand how easy it is to manipulate this machine? To change it from one form to another?"

B'alam looked deeply into her eyes, piercing her soul with his jaguar gaze, and shook his head.

"No," he said softly. "You do not understand yet. But you will, little shapeshifter – you will."

Lori stared at him silently, confusion and fear evident on her face.

"Do not worry so much," B'alam chided her gently. "Nothing is taken away from you – nothing can be taken away. We are just moving through energy, changing as we go."

His appearance snapped back to that of a Mayan instantly, but Lori caught the flick of a jaguar's tail – its black tip curling around B'alam's hip – and she watched it in fascination for a moment before lifting her gaze back to Noel and their host.

"So. You need confirmation, do you?" B'alam asked, abruptly releasing Lori and moving to the center of the room, getting down to business. "Alright, then."

He pointed at Jeret and Lynta. "Yes, you are both going to be opening doorways for people in the days to come. There are many pathways – there are an infinite amount of pathways – that can be chosen. You are here to reveal them to those who request it. You are here to help. But do not condemn the choices made after, for you know not what that soul desires. Illuminate, my darlings. Illuminate."

He spun to face Lori again. "Little shapeshifter," he greeted her once more.

"I don't understand why you keep calling me that," she said shyly, licking her lips in nervousness.

"Do you not?" B'alam asked, his image turning back and forth between jaguar and Mayan steadily now, fading like a powerful, dangerous Cheshire cat, returning like a ghostly apparition in the room. "Have we so easily forgotten the research? The stories of the pari?" he prompted.

Lori's eyes had drifted to look at Noel; with that, she snapped her attention back on B'alam with a sharp intake of breath.

"Snow leopards?" she whispered.

B'alam almost purred in acknowledgement. "Yes, and horses, too."

He looked intently at her. "They are not just stories, Lori. They can be, if you believe."

A jaguar's ears appeared at the top of B'alam's head and he laughed. Trying to focus on his ever-changing face was disconcerting.

"You may find...in future...that changing your shape is beneficial."

Lori's eyebrows drew down in doubt. "That's not possible," she stated softly.

B'alam gave her a lazy-lidded smile. "Only you can limit yourself. Only you, the being of vapour-water-matter-electricity. Which will you be? Which will serve you best?"

"Wait," Jeret said forcefully, trying to get a handle on the conversation. "Are you saying she can change into a horse?"

B'alam swung his jaguar head in Jeret's direction but looked at him through human eyes. "Do you still doubt? Can you not see it is possible? Am I not proving it to you...right now?"

And he dropped to all fours, becoming a jaguar completely between one heartbeat and the next. Then he leapt to the tabletop and landed there as a human, crouched in front of the make-up mirror. He slid off with a delighted laugh, his tail poking out from under his poncho.

"Your thoughts create your reality," he said sharply, suddenly sobering. "How many times must Nahuel say this to all of you? What do you think?" he asked, tapping his temple with an aged finger. "What...do...you...think? For that is what you will become."

He looked acutely at Lori. "This I say to you: you will do this thing when the need is upon you...and when you allow yourself to believe."

B'alam turned to look at Noel, then, and Lori saw a long, deep conversation go on between the two men, with no words spoken.

"How many more will join us?" Noel finally asked, for the rest of the group to hear.

"Two more," B'alam responded promptly. "One male, one female. Yin and yang. Balance...always balance," he said, almost to himself.

Then he looked up at Jeret. "And you must trust them. Do not let one experience mould all the rest of your experiences. You do yourself no service when you see the world based on what happened before."

"You mean they won't be like Iftakar," Jeret said bluntly.

B'alam smiled with derision. "I did not say that. Do not worry about them – and what they are 'like'. I advise you not to let your past taint your future."

"Then what?" Noel interrupted, clearly seeking more information about what lied ahead. "Once we're all together...then what?"

B'alam sidled over to Noel's side and elongated his jaguar head and neck until it was inches from Noel's face. "You need instruction," he said. "To seek it, you must visit others. And there is one who will draw your attention. Follow him," B'alam advised.

"Can you not teach us?" Lynta asked out of curiosity. "You seem to know us so well."

B'alam looked at her and slowly shook his head. "I have other work to do."

"The hunting?" Jeret asked.

A small smile played across the Mayan's lips. "Yes, the hunting. Preparations need to be made."

Lori sighed in frustration. "For what?" she asked, surprising herself with her boldness. "What is going to happen?"

B'alam's eyes twinkled as he smiled at her. "Whatever you think is going to happen."

**********

"But now, my dear ones," B'alam said with a regretful tilt of his head, "I must ask you to excuse us. Nahuel and I must speak alone. There are...things...to be communicated."

Noel felt his heart squeeze slightly in his chest, as though it, too, were altering shape. He turned and nodded at Jeret and Lynta, acknowledging his agreement with B'alam's request, but he couldn't meet Lori's concerned stare. Instead he gave her a half-hug, pressing his lips against her snow-leopard hair for a moment in farewell.

"It will be alright," he murmured. "I'll join you soon."

They and their cats left - as reverential as subjects taking their leave of their king - and Noel turned to face B'alam when the door shut behind them.

"They are not ready to hear what needs to be said," B'alam provided, waving a hand at the doorway.

Noel gave him a small smile. "Am I?"

B'alam stopped, peering at him in concern. "Do you have doubts?"

Noel shook his head, the smile remaining on his face. "No, not really. And yet..."

B'alam paused, an eyebrow cocked as he waited for Noel to finish.

"...you are a powerful force, Jaguar. Nothing to be trifled with."

B'alam tipped his head in acknowledgement.

"It must be done," he said – not in defence, but as a reminder.

"Oh, I know," Noel replied. "To each their own way, on their own path."

"This is true," B'alam conceded. "I have no regrets over my ways of service or the path that naturally follows. And yours – it is not so bad, is it?" B'alam asked.

Noel gave him another clever smile. "It is what it is. Only by making a judgement do I create it into something good or bad."

B'alam laughed at that. "Follow your own words. I don't think you believe them yet."

Noel shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe someday I will. But I think the day will have to arrive before I will be able to say for certain."

B'alam threw an arm around Noel's waist, his poncho spreading like an eagle's wing around his body. "Come sit," he offered, steering him towards a couch along the wall. "Do you know the stories of my people and the jaguar?" he asked.

Noel sank onto the butter-soft leather and eased himself back. "Only that you create quite a lot of turmoil wherever you go," he offered.

B'alam sank onto the seat next to him, propping a foot on top of the other knee, apparently content to stay in human form for the moment.

"An unfortunate hazard of the job," the Mayan said. "The truth makes some uncomfortable."

Noel looked down at his hands in his lap, played with a hangnail on his left thumb.

"They say that many thousands of years ago," B'alam continued, "a Great Creator came from the heavens," he said, pointing up at the ceiling. "This Skygod came to help us, to provide instruction on how to live a truly blessed life. He talked about integrity...and living a life of service – one of purpose, hey? – where forgiveness, understanding...and unconditional love were the norm. He said we must give of ourselves – we must sacrifice our material things, our talents and abilities – for the greater good not only of the individual, but for the All."

Noel pulled off the hangnail and looked up at B'alam.

"We are all one," Noel said softly in confirmation. "What I give to you, I give to myself."

B'alam nodded, his headpiece moving softly in the breeze he created. "There were some who misunderstood, back then. They thought Skygod meant the sacrifice was literal – a sacrificing of the body, rather than the self – and there is a difference, aye?"

He laughed when Noel nodded with an ironic grin on his face.

"They took the idea too far," B'alam continued. "They started sacrificing people, offering up their hearts to the Skygod's priests – the jaguars – as a negotiation tool. 'You leave us alone and don't cause the sky to fall...and we'll give you the hearts of several carefully-chosen victims.'"

"Well, it must have worked – at least in part," Noel pointed out. "If it hadn't, they wouldn't have kept doing it."

B'alam clucked his tongue. "Nonsense. When the sky did fall, they just sacrificed more, thinking they hadn't done enough. They replaced logic with ritual – an exceptionally foolish thing to do."

Noel looked off towards the door, thinking about what B'alam had said. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked finally. "Do you think the Skygod is going to return?"

It was B'alam's turn to shrug. "Anything is possible," he conceded. "But it's more to make the point, Nahuel, that a sacrificial heart is a noble thing. But it's not what some think it is. It doesn't have to be some tragic martyrdom. The original intent was simply to give your best to the All."

Noel looked down at his thumb and noticed the cuticle was bleeding. He smiled at the irony.

"And where do the jaguars come in? My dream of them hunting?"

B'alam grew somehow colder, sitting next to Noel. "So many in societies have it wrong," he said stonily. "They think killing each other and offering it up as a so-called sacrifice is the way to heaven. When in fact, it's the exact opposite. They have become cruel, have no regard for the sacredness of life. That way of thinking must be eradicated if the Truth is to be understood."

His profile changed as Noel looked at him from the corner of his eye, the longer muzzle of the jaguar reinserting itself. "I am asked – required – to search out those who misinterpret and haunt them in dreams until they embrace the correct way, until they transform their lives."

Noel watched in fascination as a single whisker began to droop from the jaguar's head. "And if they resist?"

B'alam smiled, exposing his long dagger-like teeth and long pink tongue. "I am relentless," he promised.

**********

"There are more of you," Noel mused as their conversation continued. He knew soon he would have to rejoin his group or they would worry, but he had only one chance to speak with this amazing creature and wanted to make the most of it.

"There are," B'alam agreed. "An entire order. Have you heard of the Jaguar Knights?"

Noel's eyes grew wider. "The ancient Aztec warriors?"

B'alam nodded slowly. "Well, yes. But they had it wrong, too. To become a member of their class, you had to take a minimum of four enemies alive in battle – to be used in sacrifices later, of course. Those are not the true Jaguar Knights. These are," he added tipping his head towards the door where B'alam's "guards" kept watch outside.

"Aztecs?" Noel asked.

B'alam smiled. "Oh, yes. They, too, use whichever body suits them at the time."

"You are hunting those who are not pure of heart," Noel stated, recalling his dream.

"We are."

"What if they're just confused?"

B'alam turned to look at Noel. "My loving Nahuel...they are all confused – even your Lori is that."

Noel swallowed thickly. "Will you take her, too?"

B'alam pulled gently on his whisker. "Did I say I was taking the confused? No. They are all confused. I am taking those who feel it is easier to live in the blackness of their hearts than to search for the light. I am setting back on the path those who think it is their right to treat others as though they have no value."

"We left Iftakar alive," Noel said, though he knew B'alam had already seen this.

"Yes. But he was correct in what he said – you would have done him a favour by killing him...but I know you could not while he held Lynta. And then afterwards...well, I know you could not. We will ease his way and make his choices easier to see."

"These Jaguar Knights," Noel said, returning to their earlier subject, "they will follow you?"

"We travel together, yes."

"And where do you go next?"

B'alam squinted at him in amusement. "Wherever there is need."

Noel gave a huff of a laugh. "These days, that feels like the entire planet."

"There are many of us," B'alam assured him in complete sincerity.

He looked Noel over. "I sense a sorrow in you tonight, Black Panther. What distresses you?"

Noel shook his head in frustration, shrugging his shoulders as he struggled to articulate.

"Something nags at the back of my mind, but when I turn to look at it...it slips away. But it feels...wrong. Like I have failed in some way."

"Because of Iftakar?"

"Yes, but not only because of him. I couldn't protect Lynta, either. And Jeret and Lori are still reacting first from fear and anger – they must be constantly reminded to choose love."

"And when did the responsibility for all of them fall on your shoulders?" B'alam inquired.

Noel closed his eyes and turned his head away, quietly acknowledging his own weakness. "Since I put it there," he murmured.

"You love them," B'alam said with a shrug. "There is your sacrificial heart in action. But Nahuel...it will come of its own accord. They will understand when they understand – all you must do is remind them. Re-mind them. Give them other things to think about. You do not – you cannot – make the choices for them."

B'alam tapped him gently on the leg. Noel turned to look into his jaguar eyes at the touch. "And put your ego aside, Black Panther. Their speed of learning is never accredited to you – neither for the good or bad. You think their abilities are a reflection of your own abilities and that is not the case. You know you cannot fail in this...for there is no wrong move to be made. By any of us."

Noel jerked his head in acknowledgement. "You are right," he said quietly. "But I do feel tired tonight."

B'alam smiled gently at him. "You have done much today."

"When will I feel it was enough?"

B'alam stood and offered a hand to Noel. "When you do."

**********

They said good-bye to one another under the single light bulb at the back-stage door.

"Remember that you go with God, Nahuel. May the Great Creator be a tangible force in your life."

He reached up and rested his hands on Noel's head lightly in benediction for a moment then let them slide off.

"And the same with you, heart-brother," Noel whispered. "Blessings for what you do."

He turned and walked towards the car, looking back only once. B'alam lifted his head to the sky and seemed to collapse in on himself, falling into his jaguar form with a grace that took Noel's breath for a moment. Silently, cat after cat appeared around B'alam – the Jaguar Knights were assembling – and with some unuttered signal they turned as one and loped off into the dark on silent cat paws.

Noel hunched his collar up against the cold of the parking lot and saw Lori open her car door and get out. She shut the door gently behind her and walked up to him, her breath steaming in the midnight cold.

"Come here," she said, opening her arms to him. "You've done all you could."

He felt his eyes grow wide in shock as he realized that she knew exactly what he was thinking: that he was blaming himself for the loss of Iftakar. He had underestimated her – she did understand. And he took her in his arms and wept.

Chapter 27

"Can you stay tonight?" he asked of her.

She nodded. "I can stay."

"I want us all together."

"I know."

They opened the door to the pitch-black apartment and Jeret flipped on the light before tossing his keys onto the kitchen table.

"I'm done in," he stated.

He helped Lynta out of her coat then held out a hand for Noel's and Lori's, as well.

"You can throw them on my bed," Noel told Jeret, fatigue pulling at his vocal cords. "Lori and I will stay out here on the couch, if that's ok?"

Jeret nodded. "I've already told Lynta she's taking my bed tonight – she needs sleep more than all of us combined after the night she's had."

Noel nodded. "Will you stay with her, though? Watch over her?"

Jeret smiled. "Of course." He guided Lynta down the hallway to his room, while Lori and Noel stood in the living room, listening to the quiet murmurings coming from the other end of the apartment. The simple domestic sounds of a faucet being turned on, a toilet being flushed...the snap of a blanket being shaken out before being added to the bed all held an immense comfort to the two of them.

"I have a sweatshirt and some old pyjama bottoms you could probably fit into," Noel offered.

Lori nodded. "That would be fine."

He went off to retrieve them, returning a few moments later, with the clothes and an additional blanket tucked under his arm. He had changed himself into a pair of blue flannel pants but remained bare-chested. She changed in the bathroom then joined him on the couch, though she seemed intimidated by his bare skin. She looked over the Native American tattoos that adorned both upper arms, but said nothing.

They tucked in against one another – the blanket pulled over them – and fed off each other's heat. He stroked her hair, over and over again, while her head rested just under his chin; she slid her thumb back and forth across his heart.

"You say that was one of your professors at the accident tonight?" Noel asked.

Lori nodded against his chest. "Yes."

"Did she say why she was there? Was she attending the seminar...or was she one of the protestors?"

Lori paused, thinking, then gave a short laugh. "I never thought to ask her."

"Mmm. You'll have to watch that – she might question you about what happened tonight. She might have seen some things she wants explained."

Lori nodded, stifling a yawn. "Her wound was healing quickly. It will be interesting to hear how quickly she recovers."

They stayed awake as long as they could, listening to Jeret and Lynta speaking softly in the darkness behind them. Eventually, though, sleep took hold and they drifted off together.

In the deepest part of the night, they both awoke at the same moment as a cold shadow seemed to pass over the room. Lori lifted her head so she could see Noel's eyes. They were glimmering obsidian in the blackness around them.

"It is done," he whispered, pulling her back in against him.

She lay back down and wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you," she said softly in the dark.

**********

When the paramedics arrived at the location from which the anonymous call had been made, they found a man lying face-down in the gutter, the blood from his head wounds trickling into the sewer. He was still breathing but was very weak – no doubt from loss of blood – and despite their best efforts, they couldn't pull him from unconsciousness during the ride to the hospital. The man was striking in appearance, with brilliant white lines around his eyes and elongated ears that looked almost inhuman. The EMTs at first thought his countenance might be significant to his injuries or indicate some type of condition but they soon ruled out any link.

The doctors and nurses remarked on his appearance, too, as well as at the ghastliness of the wounds – the head surgeon on staff even requested they call the zoo to ensure no bears or tigers had been reported to have escaped. The zoo, however, said all was well. The injuries remained alarming and baffling.

They reported to the police the concern they had over an anonymous caller alerting them to the victim, considering the nature of the wounds. Questions continued over what could have caused such injuries. The patient's cell phone was dusted for prints. No results were forthcoming. A half-hearted investigation ensued, but without much to go on, it became a matter of waiting for the right tip or comment to be made on the streets.

In the meantime, the patient was stitched up, given a substantial amount of blood through transfusion, and moved to a jam-packed ICU – with the dramatic accident that had happened by the university this evening, they were full to capacity.

He was hooked up to various machines to monitor his progress and left alone while they tended other cases. No family or friends had been notified as of yet and so he remained alone, tucked into a corner unit of the room with a curtain pulled around him.

The medical staff would not have seen the slim, beige caracal slide down the corridors, pausing at various curtains to have a sniff. They would not have noticed the cat's search for a particular human, nor would they have detected the rocking of the curtain as he at last found the partition he was looking for and slunk inside. He jumped up on the end of the bed and curled around the feet of the patient with a soft sigh. There he remained.

At several points during the night, the victim twitched as though caught up in a drama playing out in his sleep. The caracal would raise his head and look, agitated, at the man while this went on, but soon things would calm again and the man would sink back into a more gentle sleep. The caracal would put his head back on his paws and wait.

In the deepest part of the night, the man jerked so hard in his nightmare that he pulled the pulse monitor off his finger. The caracal got to his feet and leaned over the prone form, watching him thrash from side to side for a few moments before once again subsiding.

The caracal sat down, still observing. He cocked his head, listening to something not heard by others in the hospital.

The end came between the infinitesimal pause of inhaling and exhaling. A fraction of a second and the light was quietly, gently snuffed out – like a candle wick pinched between two fingers.

The medical staff would not have seen the four jaguars trotting through the hospital corridors, aiming with unerring precision to the bed in the corner. The lead cat parted the curtain with its large head and spotted the caracal standing over the body. The jaguar opened its mouth, panting with a deep, breathy grunt and bared its teeth briefly.

The caracal jumped silently down and the five felines swung into a trot as they departed, fading away into the night. There was no time to linger; they had many miles yet to cover.

###

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The author would like to thank the following for their wisdom, experience, and sharing of gifts: Clinton Anderson, for his brilliantly-easy explanations of training horses; Neale Donald Walsch, for his enlightening Conversations with God books; George Lucas, for constant inspiration and his famous brother and sister, Luke and Leia; the real Jeret and Lynta for the use of their names (if they're actually affiliated with a lynx and jaguarundi, I've yet to be told about it); and last but certainly not least, my husband Dave, my sister Brenda, and my dear friend Jennifer, without whose support, encouragement and suggestions this novel would never have been completed. Namasté.

Want to explore further?

For details on the life of Tecumseh: "Battle of the Thames (Moraviantown)"; "Panther-Across-the-Sky"; "Tecumseh at Moraviantown"; PBS' brilliant series "We Shall Remain" is also available here.

There really is scientific documentation on the healing properties of a cat's purr:  "The Cat's Purr for Healing"; "Bone Healing/Restorative 'Purring Frequencies'"

About the Pari:  "Spirit Animal - Snow Leopard";

Please help protect the snow leopards by contributing to one of the following:

  * Snow Leopard Conservancy

  * The Snow Leopard Trust

  *  World Wildlife Fund

Robert Frost's "Dust of Snow" courtesy of poemhunter.com

Cover designed by Becky Norman; thanks to Thomas Grau for the original photo of the perseids (public domain).

Please visit Becky Norman's homepage for news, updates and links to other fiction and non-fiction articles.
