 
The Predicament of Redwood Paddock

Copyright 2014 Hylton H Smith

Smashwords Edition

Hylton Smith
All rights reserved

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the author's or publisher's prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

#  Introduction

The Predicament of Redwood Paddock is a political satire, first published in 2008. Six years have passed, and yet the characters, portrayed as animals, still offer the reader an opportunity to supplant them with real politicians. It would seem that the main parties have become even more blurred in their ideology during this time. So much in fact, that a change of government has made no difference to the thrust of the tale. Beige politicians are the new Blue, Red and Orange ones.

Warning!!

There is a veritable legion of characters to contend with, but fear not, there is a Dramatis Personae at the end of the book for reference. It denotes main protagonists, supporting cast, and extras. Although this publication is pure fiction, maybe even a farce, we all know how many hangers-on abound in 'managing' the country. So, please forgive the irresistible urge to inject a touch of realism, in the form of a torrent of irrelevant personalities. Hopefully, the list, or index, helps to focus on the movers and shakers.

Attention

For those readers resident outside the shores of Britain, the machinations of UK politics must appear to be confusing, if not ludicrous. That is perfectly understandable, because it is the same for the people of this green and pleasant land. It would seem that we are all in a similar, if not identical leaky boat. This story is but one version, the truth will be far stranger.

# Chapter 1

There was a light mist spiralling down the steps of the Town Hall on that auspicious December morning. The occasion was to ratify the appointment of the new leader of the Council of Multicoloured Meadow. Improbable Richardson was a budgerigar of Eastern descent who came to our country when he was a mere chick. His original family name was Jehangar Ashraf Jawadenal Mumtaz St. Clair, and he had thought before entering the election process of the new leader, that he should have a new name, one which would be more easily pronounced in this Northern village, where a strong regional accent was the norm. He chose Improbable as a sign of modesty, believing he wouldn't be successful, and Richardson because he had lived next door to a squirrel family, and his best pal in his youth was the son of the family head - Richard, hence Richardson.

When he finally realised that he had been voted in, his brain activity went off the Richter scale, thinking about all the responsibility he had let himself in for. He panicked, and even in his speech of acceptance on the broad stone steps, he unwittingly offered only one promise, "I'll always find a way to put forward the voters' feelings on each issue that I receive, and I'll only go ahead with proposals which make sense for the majority of the citizens of our village."

Here was a perfect example of negative voting and apathy conspiring to elect such an ignorant candidate, a marvellous fluke result! As soon as he stopped talking he realised this promise would be impossible to keep. Still, he thought, 'I don't want to be just another cretinous, boring public official like my predecessors, so I've said it, and I'll do it.'

As he had previously worked for the council in a pretty minor role, he had absolutely no relevant experience or idea how to tackle this mighty job - so he decided that this must actually be the reason he was elected. The citizens were fed up with sleazy individuals who thought they were always one step ahead of the sack. This also meant he had no allies.

He started to mull over names that he might be able to trust. Strangely, the first port of call was a destitute cat generally known as Mosey Barracuda, unemployed and sleeping rough. Mosey's family went back generations in this country and were from a nearby village. He was, unlike the more recent immigrants, not really up to speed with all the complicated benefits legislation, and how they could be claimed, therefore he suffered in relative silence. IR chose Mosey precisely because of his view of life, which meant he had little or nothing to lose by being honest.

"Who should I consult?" said IR, "you know, in order to get at the heart of the frustrations of our citizens, Mosey?"

"If I were you, well even if I was me, which I am, I would start by speaking to a wise old owl, someone who was here when things started to go so wrong, and who has certainly predicted why, and was mocked for those predictions."

"Uh huh," said IR, "and that is?"

"Enoch Owl," said Mosey, "you'll have difficulty persuading him to express his views now, because they might offend someone. They might not, but these days we can't take the risk, because we're told there is nothing worse than offending someone, nothing!!!"

"Where can I find him?"

"The Old Oak at the top end of the village."

"Ok, is that a tree that I would easily recognise?"

"Get real, IR, it's a bloody pub. Enoch may have been old and controversial but he won't spend his twilight years hanging around on some wobbly branch on a winter's night. He is still welcome at the Inn."

The Old Oak was as its name suggests - old, very old, a traditional Inn, quaint, cosy and a forum for all kinds of discussion from prize winning leeks to atomic physics.

From the crackling, glowing embrace of the hearth's fire to the seemingly antediluvian stoicism etched into the sturdy wooden furnishings, a vision of unchanging safety and rustic oneness presented itself. Improbable Richardson felt like he'd been there forever and not at all. Entranced, he wandered slowly to the bar. It somehow seemed that this venue demanded slowness as a show of respect.

"Hello." chirped IR. "Bitter weather, er, I'm looking for Enoch Owl, can you help me?"

"Over there," said Collie Moddle the bardog, "the machine in the corner, press play and wait for the prompt."

Improbable approached the black screen with caution, but did as instructed. He suddenly leapt back in astonishment when a 3D image of Enoch flickered into being, and shouted "Yes stranger? I know you are a stranger because of your retina scan, we have not talked before. What can I do for you?"

"Richardson sir, er, that's my name. I'd like your help and advice, as I have somehow become the new leader of the Council."

"This is a first," sneered Enoch, "Are you serious?"

"Yes, unfortunately. I was given your name by Mosey Barracuda, and he said I would find you here but maybe you wouldn't want to talk, but you aren't here, where are you?"

"What you see Mr Richardson is...."

"Improbable Richardson sir, and it's never felt more apt than right now."

"Yes, whatever. What you see is a holo-projection. You must surely realise that I died a long time ago, but before my demise I had an anonymous friend who programmed this Holo-matrix with an interrogative database for such occasions - like a political jukebox, so to speak. My friend can update my programme remotely and remain unidentified, but he also installed an unbreakable access code which makes a digital fortress look like a one character password."

"Whoa, let me get this right sir," squirmed IR, "you are...."

"It would seem you have taken on a big job for someone of extremely modest intellect, I think you have promise," retorted the owl.

"Well Enoch," ventured IR, "that's why I came here, on behalf of the citizens of Multicoloured Meadow."

"You mean Redwood Paddock." snapped Enoch.

"No, Multicolou....."

"The name has changed because Redwood Paddock was not PC, didn't you do any research before you took the job?"

"PC?"

"My God, this is refreshing, it means 'Proper Comment' my boy, contrived non-offensive language for something we all really know as something completely different. You see, many of the previous administrations felt that as a lot of the new immigrants were, well \- not red - they might feel left out at best, or even offended if they thought more about it. Also, 'paddock' has a tendency to suggest closed borders, definite boundaries, and this runs counter to the happy family policy they were trying to promote."

"Well, I suppose I had possibly heard about this, but I must admit it seemed pretty boring. So what else was changed because of PC?"

"Virtually everything in our lives." screeched Enoch. "You must have heard that we can no longer recite a very old poem called 'Baa-Baa Pink Sheep.' Well, the inference from the Minister for PC and the Political Psychologists was that a pink sheep is very rare, and can look like a less acceptable member of the family, and therefore this association of pink with sheep genetics might make some ethnic minorities in this country feel undervalued. This is but one example, there are countless refuges for them."

"But, Mr Owl," said a wide eyed IR, "the two things aren't connected, and anyway, as the sheep is pink and there is surely no argument about that, why didn't we start to refer to those citizens as 'ethnically variant?' I mean, there is no way the poem would be changed to 'Baa-Baa Ethnically Variant - so, no confusion! It's curious that I myself am pink, yet I don't feel undervalued, probably more overwhelmed by my appointment."

The wise owl thought in silence for a moment and said, "Son, you may just be the right man, in the right place, at the right time. I am enjoying our conversation immensely. However, before we get bogged down with just one example, I think you may have to hear many others, and also listen to the reasons why I think we got into this mess in the first place. This could be a long night. Do you want to get yourself a beer?"

"Ok, would you like one too?" quipped IR, gaining in confidence.

"Remember I am a hologram son," said Enoch, "however, if you tell Collie you are buying me a drink he will add the cost to our re-location fund. Thanks for the gesture."

"Re-location, are you moving?"

"Hopefully not Richardson, but the primary reason for creating the Holo-matrix is that they can't arrest or harass a dead man for expressing what they think are non-PC views. I am as fireproof as DH Lawrence! What we have to bear in mind is, they could shut us down by court order, but we can then re-locate to another pub in another village, as there are plenty of citizens who appreciate these discussions we have. It's a lot like trying to track down and eliminate a sponsor of terrorism."

"I see. Well I'll get your 'drink' then. Bardog, do you have Bud Ice?" enquired IR.

"We have Black Sheep and Old Speckled Hen." retorted Collie Moddle. "It is an old traditional pub, you see."

"Right," said IR. Thinking quickly he blurted out, "I'll have a pint of Non-PC Black Sheep."

"That's the spirit sir, will that be all?"

"No, the owl will have the same, can you......?"

"Yes I can sir, no problem." smiled the bardog, winking at IR. "You resume your little chat with Enoch and I'll bring your drink over."

# Chapter 2

Sniffy Badger was reclining in his hammock in the garden despite the inclement weather, and he was astounded when the radio crackled out the Local Council election results. Talking to himself was quite normal. "Never heard of him – Improbable Richardson, this must be the citizens' way of saying they are fed up with the usual suspects."

'Sniffy' was always first with the news, especially anything controversial or saucy. Well, you can imagine how depressed he was hearing about the new head honcho of the council on the news broadcast, when he should have 'sniffed' this out days ago. It illustrated the apathy and distrust surrounding politics when even the media were caught flat-footed. He made some enquiries and eventually tracked IR down at the pub.

Having introduced himself he was promptly informed that IR's second consultation was private and that he could not participate. He was incandescent with anger at such a rebuff, but being able to hear the odd word from a short distance, his sixth sense nudged him and said quickly, 'Sniffy, there may be a volcano waiting to erupt here and this consultation could be the detonator to burst through the crust of PC fudge, which we have all come to know and despise, so stay with it and keep your temper.'

He retired to a more acoustically advantageous distance, settled down with an Old Speckled Hen, and told Collie Moddle to reserve him the next slot on the Holo-matrix. It should be noted that this Old Speckled Hen was Collie's girlfriend, not one of the beverage variety – Sniffy was a soul of temperance.

"Mr Owl," whispered IR, "I appreciate going back in time and covering all walks of life where PC has crapped on our landscape, turning it from 'green and pleasant' to 'dry, arid and dull,' but I thought my job would be to do my best for our villages, towns and country by helping to tackle things like - crime, drugs, binge drinking, stupid laws, silly sentencing and even sillier citizens in wigs who administer them, global warming, better health care for all, benefit fraud, education - real education, and terrorism."

"Patience son, this will all fall into place and many other aspects as well, when we journey back. Going back cannot in itself change what we have now, except to learn how we have strayed from common sense at crucial crossroads, whenever they have arisen. The psychologists fear the words 'common sense' because they do away with their entire vocabulary of indecipherable twaddle which basically distils down to - "we must never say or do anything which makes us appear 'unenlightened.' Being unenlightened is the only thing which could be worse than being non-PC. No matter that the King is not wearing any clothes at all, it would be unenlightened to do anything other than congratulate him on his wonderful dress sense. We really do need the child who sees things as they are, and thereby continually demolishes subterfuge and spin without any embarrassment or broken stride. Do you really want to be that child Improbable Richardson? If so you must tell the King that he has no clothes on. It could be your destiny! Alternatively, you could be out on your backside in a month. There are many more sharks on land than there are in the oceans."

"Where do we start?" mumbled IR apprehensively.

"Well now, let us choose a point just after the second great conflict, which in itself started because of shambolic political appeasement. Every conflict is triggered by some incident, but the preamble always contains clues that the actual device can be intended rather than happenchance, or accidental. After such incalculable loss of life, the various protagonists in the conflict always revert to their own agendas. In this country we went through a phase of reconstruction, not only of buildings and cities, but of morale and friendship - loving thy neighbour was easy because of the shared burden and common loss. Somehow this galvanic and altruistic environment of citizenship did not quite extend to the 'us and them' of employment in a capitalist society, but on the plus side the crime level was negligible. Drugs were largely limited to alcohol and smoking, binge drinking was there but limited by cost, and in any case was not so often a catalyst for aggressive behaviour. Some stupid laws were there but they could be understood, and at least their purpose was transparent to all. Sentences and judges were much more respected by the populous. The government truly tried to have a one-tier health care system and welfare state. Benefits were simple to understand, not easy to come by, and rigorously means-tested, but gave incentive to work. Education was not inhibited by excessive parent interference, lack of teacher respect, and chronic indiscipline. Yet it was not at a lower standard than the current scenario. Although everyone could not expect to go to university, in the way they are indoctrinated today, people seemed to recognise that there were many important jobs which did not require or indeed benefit from a university degree. Global warming was not seen as an issue, as the alleged hole in the ozone layer, although discovered, was not entirely understood. However, if more consideration had been given to the environment after all the bomb dropping, we could have avoided half a century of gross negligence. Terrorism on the scale we know it today was absent from our society, although it would gradually emerge. We had a platform then to avoid certain pitfalls, but as with every democracy we gradually abandoned vigilance over the tenet that being elected, by definition, is being the most popular. Popular policies often do not have long term benefits, commonly the reverse. Being continually popular brings systematic pressure to dismiss the longer term struggles and pave the way for appeasement. So imagine yourself, IR, fifty years ago as Council Leader, and confront the dilemmas of that time with your knowledge of how it turned out, so you can choose another route to follow. That is the only hope of knocking some of your current challenges into a different orbit, and different projected outcome."

"Wow," inhaled IR, "I think I'd like to kick off with terrorism as it seems the most acute threat to the way we live right now. Let's do this."

"That may be," offered Enoch, "but sometimes the cause can be disguised from the mechanism, perhaps you should consider the reasons - not justification or dismissal of them - only the existence of them, to begin. Then I am sure you will lower your objectives to match your ability to achieve them."

# Chapter 3

His mind being ablaze with a kinetic conflagration of ideas and questions, IR failed to notice whoever was sat at the table adjacent to the exit, the face concealed behind the cumbrous, unwieldy broadsheet held up in front of him. The newspaper was slowly and deliberately lowered as IR passed the table, revealing a vulpine face of red and grey, its gaze trenchant and unrelenting.

"Improbable Richardson. You simply must join me for a drink!" the fox uttered before IR reached the door, managing to sound both jovial and sinister.

IR turned to regard the source of this invitation, surprised at being recognised. This was after all his first day of being 'somebody,' following years of anonymity, and he was still getting used to it.

"Begging your pardon sir," said IR, "but I don't believe we've m......"

"One need not have been introduced to a fellow in order to know him," quipped the fox, "but allow me to carelessly throw away the advantage I currently enjoy. My name is Lucinius Trebellius de Astonishing, but I am more commonly known by the pseudonym 'Volpe.'"

"Volpe......" said IR, searching his memory. "I know the name from somewhere. Are you a politician by any chance?"

"One never thinks to insult another's amour-propre at the first meeting by accusing him of being a politician Richardson. But yes, I am."

IR was less than reassured "I don't recall seeing your name on the list of councillors, sir," he said, trying vainly to match the stranger's vocal presence. "In what capacity do you practice politics?"

Volpe afforded IR an indulgent, condescending smile - the sort of expression which a parent would wear upon being presented with a child's first, messy attempt at painting a picture. "I am far too sceptical to be involved in anything requiring as much naivety as sitting on a council, my friend," he enunciated carefully. "No, my field is that of the political mind. In short I am a writer, a theorist, an agitator and an agent provocateur. It is the duty of every good citizen to disapprove of me."

"I see," responded IR (not fully seeing), "well, as pleasant as this little banter has been, I'm afraid I'm a bit pressed for time. What can I do for you?"

"You may do me an equal courtesy to that done to the dead Owl, mon avian ami," smiled Volpe, "that is to sit and give me your undeserved attention to the political zealotry of a frustrated demagogue. After all, the Owl and I are two very un-kindred spirits, united only by our dislike of each other, and by the current leadership of our land."

IR decided that this enigmatic creature may have something to offer after all, and parked himself upon the seat opposite Volpe. "Are you saying you are opposed to Enoch's political philosophy?" he asked tentatively.

"If one is to be judged by his questions rather than his answers, then your value has just increased, Richardson. Indeed we are diametrically opposed. Enoch mercilessly beats the drum of tradition, I pluck the harp of progress. While he wishes to conserve all that he believes great about the country, I wish to change all that I believe wrong with it. He looks at change and asks 'why?' I look at change and ask 'why not?' However, he hides his bigotry as I hide my revolutionism, because there is nothing more dangerous than being right when the current government is wrong."

IR furrowed his brow in concentration. "So, despite your differences with Enoch, you both disapprove of the policies the government is following," IR ventured. "But what Enoch wants to return to, above everything else, is common sense. What can possibly be wrong with that?"

"Common sense is what tells us the earth is flat and that the Sun goes around it," Volpe said, still radiating the same amiable malevolence, "and it is all too common. Anything truly sensible must be entirely free of prejudice. Now let us examine both the conduct of our government and the ideas of Enoch Owl in view of this."

"I'm listening....." said Improbable Richardson.... "So"...IR finally countered, "you are saying that Enoch's adherence to common sense is a sham? That he wears a mask to disguise his real intentions?"

Volpe took a drink from what appeared to be a bottle of very old malt, although IR was devoid of expertise in these things. The fox savoured it for a moment before swallowing. "Yes..... And no," he said enigmatically, "the Owl is sincere in what he purports, of that I have no doubt. But he has always been used and manipulated by those with vested interests in maintaining the status quo. The old boy has a certain charisma, there's no denying that, and as such is the ideal mouthpiece for the cause he represents, wittingly or otherwise."

"And who are these citizens whose vested interests he supposedly represents? So far you seem to be gabbling in generalities."

Volpe favoured the budgerigar with a smile that could almost be described as predatory. "Richardson, when the share price of naivety rises you shall be a rich bird. The Owl speaks in the interests of those who have always held the wealth and power in this country. The aristocracy, titled or corporate, media barons, profiteers of every kind. You will find that those with power are keen to avoid letting it go, or sharing it with the common citizens."

IR looked confused once more. "But I didn't hear Enoch mention anything about business moguls or rich individuals or any of the others you named," he protested.

Volpe arched an immaculately sculpted red eyebrow. "Of course he doesn't!" cried the fox, "if one wishes to steal someone's watch, one doesn't make one's admiration of said timepiece known to its owner. Did you know that seventy-six percent of this country's wealth is owned by less than ten percent of the populace? Were you aware that millions of citizens dwell under the canopy of impoverishment so that the lucky few may enjoy their lives in opulent luxury rather than mere average luxury?"

IR was taken aback by the sudden zeal in Volpe's manner. He stuttered "Well....I... no. That is, I haven't been made aware of these...."

"And why would that be? Because, as is with the rest of the country your outrage is focussed on trivia like not being able to sing a particular nursery rhyme. Or is it that your violated sense of fair play causes you to blame this or that act of so-called positive discrimination in favour of some undeserving minority, for all that is wrong? More likely it is because, when our beloved free press are not filling their pages with the debauchery and fall of whichever vapid celebrity is their hesternal golden child, that is exactly what they are intravenously drip-feeding into the soul of our country." Volpe poured himself another scotch, which he drank in one swift motion. He then resumed. "So, when some idiotic councillor decides to curry favour with his superiors by banning the recantation of a nursery rhyme which gives offence to nobody, it is headline news. This relatively isolated incident, due to its disproportionate prominence in the media and subsequently in public conversation, is suddenly the harbinger of national epidemic! Citizens feel their way of life is being oppressed. Who then becomes the target of their ire? Of course - it's the beneficiaries of this attack, to wit the minorities, the reds, the blues, the albinos, the most oppressed of all, despite the fact that they did not ask for any special treatment, but only to be considered equals. Meanwhile the oppressors go on dominating the political and economic life of the country, without the inconvenience of a popular uprising. It is a marvel that the disenfranchised have so easily been tricked into kicking downward to let out their anger in some bizarre kinetic transfer, in entirely the opposite direction to the architects of their woe."

IR sat silently absorbing Volpe's diatribe, trying to form the salient pieces into a completed, coherent jigsaw. Stuck for any retort at present he focussed on his companion's whisky bottle. "Judging by your expensive looking drink and your sartorial elegance, you seem to be fairly well-off yourself," he said.

"Very astute." Volpe smiled without pausing. "In fact I am probably comfortably in the ten percent of which I made erstwhile mention."

"Are you therefore a hypocrite, sir?" asked IR trying not to sound overly antagonistic.

"Oh absolutely Richardson. But you'll find that in these days of no trust, we hypocrites are the only truly honest citizens left." Volpe stood, folding his newspaper and eased past IR. "Just bear in mind," he said, "that PC is not what it may seem to be. It is a tool which is employed by those who wish popular frustration to focus on citizens other than themselves. Conduct your investigation Councillor, but always keep both your eyes and your mind open." The fox directed a smile and a wink at IR, then flipped a silver coin to Collie as he left the Old Oak.

Richardson lingered a few moments and realised that both Enoch and Volpe had made sense in their very different approaches to an acceptable political landscape. He also thought that maybe both had slight flaws in their grand designs, but engaging in such discussion was not for now. One difference between himself and these two heavyweights was that he had been elected to do a job, and as well as having a blueprint of Nirvana, he would have to deal with tasks coming over the transom and landing on his desk, with no logical priority, just requiring his attention. Pragmatic decisions would be as much the order of the day as strategic ones. His thoughts also flitted to the language of both Enoch and Volpe, realising he would have to reinforce his vocabulary if he was to be taken seriously.

***

IR trundled off to the library where he was greeted enthusiastically by Reynarda Silenzio, daughter of Enrico, another fox, who had come to his village just after the second great conflict. Reynarda asked how she could help, and when Richardson thought about it, he couldn't really put it into simple words, so he decided to browse.

The library had that protected atmosphere, musty aroma jousting with that of leather binding. The sheer array of indexed volumes had one at a disadvantage and signalled a whole unexplored experience just waiting for the enquirer. It would be easy to become side-tracked here or even worse - overawed.

Meanwhile back at the pub, Sniffy had wasted no time logging on to the Wise Old Owl.

"You again," grumbled the hologram, "why do you persist when all of our previous encounters have been dull and deadlocked by your overt opportunism in trying to dig into my conversations with others? You know I will never divulge any of that. I predict you will say that is not what you want, which almost certainly confirms it is exactly what you want"

"You're incredibly annoying considering you are actually deceased, however I just felt we may be in for a turbulent time ahead, you know, with a new Leader of the Council, and I really mean new. He seems unlike anyone I've had the misfortune to report upon. Maybe he could be a vehicle for you and me, enabling us to finally credit each other with the kind of respect which hitherto hasn't been evident. I can see this as a jumping off point, through my reporting contacts, and of course your dogma, er sorry, doctrine, being 'de-mothballed,' you know, like a kind of retro pilgrimage."

"Still surfing both sides of the board Sniffy, I like it best when you seem to be underwater, silently talking your contagious conjecture to the authors of headlines. Written to provoke citizens instead of thought."

"Look Old Photon, we may not like each other but we need each other. It is hard to believe but I actually liked you better when you were alive, you made the odd gaffe, let a little too much slip, it was fun. This new citizen on the block, - I can tell by the expression on your pixels that you see something in him, and whatever it is I can help. News is what I exist for, not what it is, just the constant supply of it. I don't judge, I don't care. I'm a junkie who gets his rocks off making sure that nobody gets a chance to dwell in comfort before other citizens have the full SP – instant awareness for all, a kind of closed loop, nobody, and I mean nobody, should be immune. Distasteful to you but critical to the concept that everyone should have the opportunity to have an opinion on anything. Let's face it, the same citizens you'd be concerned about wanting to know the Chancellor's preferred sexual position are the same ones voting on another sort of entry - the EU (Edifice of Un-fulfilment). I ask you, which is more dangerous? It is of course understandable that you don't like me or my colleagues for what we do, but even a stubborn, high and mighty like you must realise that although some innocents get hurt there is an overall disincentive for closets to house skeletons. It's similar to a debate on the merits of the death penalty."

"There is a dubious logic in what you say, especially as the world I would like to envisage cannot really exist without your grubby little domain. Ok, where are we going with this?"

"Enoch, can you tell me anything about this Improbable Richardson that could be helpful in giving our citizens hope, that real change could be imminent? As you may have worked out for yourself, even exposing sleaze isn't news any more, it's like hearing that one of our soldiers has been killed in some faraway place. We are shocked at first, not surprised next time, and finally immune to that terrible repetitive news, and why? Because nobody is prepared to change the situation. Governments are obsessed with their term of office and re-election, not the long term welfare of its citizens. Will you help me?"

"Badger, either this is a very clever ploy to get what you are after or you really are a complex cocktail of frivolity and responsibility."

"Both." said Sniffy, resigned to failure again with the Owl. His eyes widened and sparkled when the hologram replied.

"I am going to trust you with one comment which I am sure Mr Richardson would not mind me passing on, but it could be earth shattering news for you."

"I'll just get my laptop and......"

"You won't need it old adversary, it is very simple. He wants to restore common sense to every aspect of the Local Council, despite the potential resistance and likelihood that he will be terminated before he achieves anything. He is unafraid of that consequence, which may just be the most powerful tool he has. A powerful tool needs help in clearing the landscape to target the pain. Still think you can help? Can you imagine the Imodium consumption in high places if this even gets off the ground?"

"Bloody Hell, Enoch, this is big, mega in fact, protection of such a hatching egg will need enormous effort in scanning for hijackers, but it has the potential to cross a lot of boundaries. You see! I told you we needed each other. I'll report back shortly, and by the way thanks for the trust."

***

Browsing the library shelves resulted in piles of potential references to the development of post-war politics and society. It was a daunting task to get up to speed this way and a cautionary thought ballooned into his head – as with any historical account the text would have a degree of interpretation as well as factual content – separating the two would be judgemental. He was puzzling over this when Reynarda approached and whispered, "You look confused, are you sure I can't help?"

"Well," IR spluttered, "I wish you could, but I hardly know what I am looking for myself."

Her closeness and the emanation of her subtle perfume added to his sagging confidence.

"This often happens in a library, tell me the problem."

"Mm, I want to find out how we used to have a relatively simple structure and implementation of government, laws, taxation and welfare, and then ended up with the convoluted, complicated, messy situation we have now. I fear though, I might have to go much further back on some issues than others. Also, I don't have time to plough through all this literature. I need to have précis without the minutiae."

"Aha," beamed the foxy librarian, "why don't you talk to my father? He came to this country and tried to set up a business, helping to integrate his family during this period. And although he was looking at this challenge initially from an outsider's viewpoint, he realised quickly that he must stop comparing everything to his former country if he was to enjoy the life he wanted. He realised he would only be truly accepted by his new countrymen if his ancestry became invisible. He would only succeed in business if his product was wanted. If this was an easy principle to accept on a business level, he wondered why so many immigrants resist it on a community level. These are his words not mine. By the way, I think you are right about needing to go further back in time to determine the root of some problems, there is a copy of 'The History of the World' over here. It only intends to report on chronological events but it somehow alerts the reader that there is a repetitive cycle of some factors which precede the major changes."

IR's mouth fell open and he could only nod. Miss Silenzio retrieved the weighty volume for him and wrote down her father's address - a coffee and sandwich bar in the neighbouring village of Harmony Rise, which used to be known as Hell's Hill.

# Chapter 4

Sniffy pondered whether he should try to have a brief take from the new Council Leader before doing his rounds of the media, but he eventually decided against this. His present understanding of the situation was extremely simple and had the advantage of a very effective hook, so why put bait on the hook and so restrict the imagination? Let the unspecific ripples of the words 'common sense' do their stuff, positive and hopeful for the citizens, but deadly and devoid of respect for those in office. He merely texted his cronies at the press, TV, and radio to state that he had reliable information that Councillor Richardson was in relentless pursuit of a 'return to common sense' regardless of who and what would come under scrutiny. He added a note, disguised as an afterthought, that his normal courtesy of getting a take from the various official dignitaries before the news broke was to be dispensed with, as it was likely to be greeted with questions he had agreed implicitly not to answer 'at this stage.' This would ensure the pilot light survived to create the perfect conditions for a full and necessary blaze.

***

Enrico was juggling orders for latte, pastrami, gelati, and aqua frizzante etcetera, when IR interrupted his disorganised thought process - "Hello, I'm....."

"Momento, per favore, take a seat and I will be at your service, subito!"

"Yes but I need to...."

"I am sorry, but unless you need to pee, in which case you are welcome to use my toilets over there. For anything else you will have to wait until I ensure my customers who already ordered are happy, due minuti, eh?"

The café had a wonderfully welcoming ambience, busy but not chaotic. Chequered red and white tablecloths begging patrons to sit, a mixture of ground roast coffee beans and herbs permeating the space, and pulsed whiffs of vanilla and caramel home-made ice cream invading the senses. There was a spare seat at one of the tables but no tables completely free, and an elderly lady beckoned him to share with her. He suddenly realised that citizens don't normally look to share any more in these situations, they want privacy - why? He took the seat and learned that the lady was a regular, she came to enjoy the social side as much as the coffee, and she knew everyone by their first name.

"I'm Betty," she announced. "You must be new here, nobody goes straight to the counter, because Enrico likes to get citizens settled comfortably before they order. I have to go to the Council Office in a couple of minutes, they're going to explain to me why it is that, if I claim this new benefit for older citizens I will lose some of my existing benefit, and that I might not be better off if I did that. It isn't easy for me to understand, but Enrico will check out what they tell me so I'll feel ok"

"Well good luck Betty, I really hope you have good news when you return, nice to have met you."

She left and was immediately replaced by Enrico, who sat down and shook his hand, proudly welcoming him and asked how could he be of service? IR summarised his conversation with Reynarda, then Enrico said, "Mama Mia," followed by a shrug of the shoulders, followed by, "this will take a lot of time," followed by, "who are you?"

After some fleeting consideration IR dismissed the notion that it would be prudent to feign some 'university dissertation' type façade, and just be up-front. Risky but straight, if he wanted honesty in return.

"Councillor Richardson of Multicoloured Meadow"

"Redwood Paddock, I see. Well, have a cappuccino or something and I will try to think when I have an evening free so we can talk."

***

The ripples had begun to appear and momentum was building amongst the media. Sarcasticus Exagerus, the mole who was the editor of the Daily Meadow, had received Sniffy's text and immediately contacted his pals at Speak North TV and Wey Aye Radio. He was uneasy about the vagueness of the text, which was totally out of character for Sniffy, yet he didn't want to miss out on the potential of a story which could run and run. He took the unprecedented step of suggesting a get together in the interests of consistency. The meeting had to be at very short notice to meet the deadlines of evening broadcasts and editions. They met at a tea shop appropriately named 'Fresh Start.' Cass L'Impotadur, the producer for Speak North was a long-serving champion of 'innuendo without litigation' and was considered to be a turkey in more ways than one. By contrast, Joe E Shorts was a deceptively likeable rat, who had come up through the ranks by getting the dirt on his bosses, one by one, until he basically ran the radio station. The discussion had to be brief and pithy to serve their purpose. It would be difficult to agree conformity when they all wanted to be first, and have a unique take. It didn't take long to agree on the headline 'Radical New Leader of the Council pledges that common sense is the way forward with policy, whether it involves change or introduction.' The story could be individually tailored around this to fit the various media formats. They all agreed that they needed cohesive support for IR in order to build expectation, as well as the possible need to knock him down when it was deemed necessary.

***

IR was blissfully reading through the History of the World, and concluded that although it was very interesting to know where and when Air Breathers branched away from Water Breathers, it would be better to skip forward to Civilisation Pyramidia in order to feel the structure of government emanating from the pages. He finally settled on the ancient philosophers as a valid starting point, when Enrico returned and said he could spare a couple of hours the next evening.

"Come to the Old Oak please, and we can consult Mr Enoch Owl, if needed," said IR.

"Ok, seven-thirty, pronto," replied Enrico, shook his hand and walked off, muttering to himself.

# Chapter 5

As he left Enrico's establishment the council leader was deep in thought when he was confronted by a hefty individual who introduced himself as Otto Nostalgia, new candidate for the 'Belly-full of Nonsense Party.' IR protested that he was in a real hurry but the BNP fellow was quite assertive "I only need two minutes of your time right now, the rest will wait."

"Well ok," mumbled Richardson, "two minutes it is."

Otto the otter gathered himself and without pausing for breath, confidently enthused that IR's election was a turning point, which would eventually favour other parties. And he felt that was unfair in a way, because the harder IR worked to his ideals on behalf of the citizens of Redwood Paddock, the more he would be torpedoed by his own party. He then taunted Richardson, laughing loudly, as he claimed this was a nailed-on certainty, precisely because the ruling party had nothing to offer. A vacuum of stalled implementation would ensue, then the electorate would turn in frustration to a more radical approach.

"That is where we come in," bellowed Otto, "you can see we are now much more sanitised in our rhetoric, while maintaining our policies and principles. We have gone from being an endangered species to an heir-apparent, purely because of the duplicity of the mainstream parties and the utter impossibility for them to unravel decades of superfluous layers of non-policy, without contradicting their own manifestos."

"Well," mused IR timidly, "you're still not perceived as........."

"No?" interrupted the otter, "you'll see, even our new adopted party anthem is – 'The Way We Were,' and our new respectability coupled with general frustration out there will symbiotically flourish, so you need to take this into account, or your tenure will be even shorter than you think. Anyway, I don't want to exceed my two minute slot. You'll contact me I'm sure. Here's my card." Otto vanished as abruptly as he had appeared.

***

"Terrible weather for this time of year. See what comes of allowing all of these foreign elements into our formerly radiant society, hmmmm?" IR knew the voice. It unsettled him, but he was strangely unable to place it, in the ambient noise outside the café. Slowly he rotated himself to face its source and there was the fox from the Old Oak. The one who talked in riddles and couplets, eyeing him with that curious admixture of amusement and malevolence.

"Good afternoon." he responded. "It's...it's nice to see you again. May I help you in some way?" This public servant stuff wasn't so difficult.

"Can you help me? A very ambitious gesture for a mouse inside a maze." Volpe sneered. "But let us not spend our time playing 'catch the pleasantry.' How goes your grand crusade against the infidels of PC and the unholy enemies of common sense?"

IR decided there was no point in crossing verbal swords with this erudite creature, so he ignored the obvious sarcasm. "I still have much to learn, but I feel I'm getting to grips with where politics has gone wrong and where it has failed those that it's supposed to represent. Putting things right won't be a swift or easy task, but I'm optimistic that it is not a lost cause."

There was the slightest hint of a chuckle from the fox, and then his seemingly omnipresent smile vanished completely. "You sound like a freshly painted, plastic doll. Parrot can be a verb as well as a noun, you know." Volpe eyed IR with contemptuous intensity, and continued, "Your gerrymandering of political reality is as truly laughable as your naïve intentions are laudable. Despite my hopes, you may yet make an effective puppet on a string."

"Now wait a minute, exactly what do you mean by that?" demanded IR, beginning to feel a little cross.

"Every political issue, my young avis, is an economic one at heart. The entire spectrum of political thought and motivation rests upon one simple idea; how the limited resources of a nation should be divided among those who dwell within its borders. Economic power is political power, irrespective of who holds office. Citizens become aggrieved because something inside them, often subconsciously, is aware that they are not getting their fair share of the available wealth. What doesn't ever seem to occur to them is that the reason they are so impoverished is because the vast majority of what they could have had has been taken by the rich minority. Those who control the politicians, and ironically, control the opinions of those they so cheerfully steal from."

IR considered what he had just heard. He was certain that Volpe was trying to lead him to some predetermined conclusion and he was loth to fall into a trap. "You're saying that because a few rich citizens are so wealthy, everyone else is worse off than they could be. Well perhaps I can concede that such an issue needs to be addressed. But that doesn't mean that there aren't other issues which also need to be tackl......"

"And why, my feathered friend, do you suppose the disenfranchised masses concentrate their chagrin so much more forcefully on those 'other issues' than the root cause of their privation? Do you suppose it could be because our so-called free press makes scapegoats out of such citizens as immigrants and other minorities?"

IR could feel himself heading into the same corner as in their last encounter. "Why would the press make scapegoats out of citizens in order to protect the super-rich?" he asked, and even as the words left his beak he could feel that he had erred.

Volpe's lip curled slightly, allowing one gleaming fang a smidge of fresh air. "I suspect that may be because the owners of the news media are the super-rich. What do you think?"

"I can see your point, however there are laws for the press. They can't just make things up. They have to report actual happenings."

A sigh of resignation escaped the fox's mouth. "If each day it was truthfully reported that a creature with a beak had robbed a bank, but never that a creature without a beak had done so, what conclusion would you draw?"

IR blinked, then blinked again. Then answered, "That beaked creatures were responsible for most bank robberies."

"Phenomenally astute," said Volpe, "and so you demonstrate with such clarity how an easily swayed mind can be driven to a false impression merely by the selection of which truth to tell and which to keep in the closet which skeletons call home"

IR felt he was shrinking by the second. "But you can't be suggesting that gagging the free press is a course worth pursuing," he protested. "That would lead to all sorts of corruption!"

Volpe smiled slyly. "I am unsure as to whether I should be pleased or disturbed that you have said something which I would consider not particularly stupid. No, the press itself is not the problem here. The problem, somewhat bluntly, is the power, both economic and political, of the press barons. For their own gain they sweep countless honest pawns like yourself and a good few less reputable pieces down the river of what becomes known as common sense, common decency, and traditional values. The tragic beauty of it is of course, that you have no idea that you didn't set sail of your own accord."

IR started to say something and then stopped. Volpe looked at the budgerigar with what could have been mistaken for pity. "I suggest you train your mind to look at our newspapers with a critical eye. Ask yourself why certain reports are being sensationalised. What motive could there be? Perhaps it's not too late for you to actually make a difference. You need not spend your career being a lapdog to a master you can't even see, as your Holo-benefactor did all those years ago."

With that the fox was about to stride past Richardson. He didn't hesitate when IR said, "Thank you for your insight. Although it was similar to our previous conversation it has reinforced the important and somewhat subtle points you make. As you are a self-confessed theoretician, it isn't surprising that you offer no solution that has practical implementation detail, other than for individuals to be more aware of the spectre you have identified. Nevertheless, I'll keep in mind what you've conferred to me, and you'll surely realise that there are issues that simply have to be dealt with, in the presence or absence of such a demon as you have revealed. Also, I'll discuss this further with you, when I've actually experienced what you predict, and maybe some possible gaps in your analysis. Until then."

Volpe simply waved his arms as he disappeared around the corner, intimating that he had not heard a word of this. IR's head was so full of information and ideas that he temporarily forgot where he was going. He realised that most of the overcrowding in his cerebral region was not due to his own thoughts, but other citizens' influence – he reflected on this, 'maybe that is how it should be, but I have to prioritise what I intend to do about any or all of it.' He wanted to visit Enoch again, but admitted to himself that he had to set the agenda then perhaps consult. He went home to his little abode and did some speed reading through the History of the World. He stopped at a declaration which intrigued him. It claimed that the most significant change in civilisation (excluding natural disasters and disease) had come when individuals, and then groups, graduated from nomadic societies to agricultural ones. He felt that the phrase, 'the price was such that a surplus had always to be won from nature,' becomes mandatory for survival. It utterly was profound, albeit obvious. Immediately after reading it, his thoughts raced. Most citizens believe their bread comes from the supermarket, and they cannot function without a mobile communicator. They get depressed if they cannot get their credit extended to five times as much as they can afford, from a mere three times as much as they are currently earning!!! He thought of Mosey and detoured to persuade him to come to his home for tea and banter.

Mosey Barracuda arrived almost instantly and realised that IR was facing mental gridlock. "You must stop thinking as someone who has been elected, and remember who elected you and why, then you will remember the important issues facing your citizens. You must not emulate the P.M. (Pompous Maximus) in trying to shape your legacy. That will evolve outside your direct control"

Richardson's abode was simply furnished, almost minimalist, yet the order and neatness impacted Mosey, whose shelter was primarily 'an ebb and flow' contest with the elements, and never surrendered misplaced possessions easily. IR contemplated, digested and concluded that Mosey was much better 'qualified' than himself to do this job, and had a quick panic attack, took several deep breaths, and then resolved to get back on track. He was jolted by a flash of insight, and declared to Mosey that he must cut across sectors of society and initiate a purge on things which attracted common objection, and things which caused decay of long-accepted pillars of community and family living. "The starting point is PC," announced Richardson, "It has the potential to dismantle the wall by attacking the cohesive mortar. The bricks consequently form a haphazard pyramid, ripe for exploitation." He further proclaimed "We are more concerned about offending someone than we are about preserving pensions. We sponsor fifty languages in schools, yet we deprive some citizens of medication to prolong their lives on the basis of cost effectiveness. We must, we will eradicate this misguided ethos, promoting harmony and tolerance without such irresponsible cost. The citizens who have come here to live, must be assumed to have been attracted to our culture as well as social benefits, therefore they must be strongly encouraged to become part of the wealth generation and not merely beneficiaries of it. This applies to all citizens. Multiple sectarian policy cannot be encouraged without upholding the minimum common denominators of law. The pervasive doctrine of P.C. is akin to a common cold being allowed to mutate to attack the bone marrow of education, the workplace, sport et al, and worse still, the architects are invisible advisors to central government. This allows the viruses to outrun the development of antibiotics. We have to produce a politically sterile environment for P.C Mandarins"

Mosey was totally silent for almost a minute. "Targeting an invisible enemy with a strong foothold may be a very difficult battle to win. I seem to remember the wise old owl did something similar all those years ago and lost. Maybe you should talk to him first." It was getting late and IR really wanted to hear from Enrico first but Mosey had a point, Enoch needed to hear his er... plan??? Off to the pub.

# Chapter 6

Sniffy was a little disappointed that the media ran with such a safe take on the situation, and decided he needed to throw a spanner in the works. 'Reluctantly' he let it be known that he was contemplating a direct meeting with Richardson's predecessor, the defunct council leader, Deprived Jimmy, a mouse who never roared!! The grapevine swung into maximum bandwidth and within two hours he had both Jimmy and Otto Nostalgia (BNP) on the line to express concerns over the obvious naivety of the new incumbent. Neither was genuine of course, but it convinced Sniffy that it would be an intriguing prospect to get them both on screen to debate the issue live. He set it up (it was a setup, albeit in a noble cause!) but the radio and press were furious at their exclusion. Sniffy used all his influence to manipulate the timeslot in order to give the offended parties licence to innovate their own slant on the debate, before it got going. With two loose cannons that would hopefully guarantee a fiasco.

***

Enrico explained to Betty that she wouldn't receive the benefit she'd hoped for, another example of government complication, purely to seek good PR without really improving the situation for elderly citizens. He then filled out the form for her as she was totally baffled by the almost legalese jargon. He rang Reynarda and mentioned his date with IR, suggesting that they should both attend. She felt it would be difficult to help the new council leader but agreed that they must at least try.

***

Sarcasticus Exagerus felt confident that Joe E. Shorts would meekly follow his plan, predicting that the debate would favour Otto, mainly because the mouse had always been fodder of one kind or another, and anyway, nobody really listened to ex-politicians. The dilemma was whether to emphasise this inevitability or bring out the dirt on Otto. Whichever they chose, it was absolutely essential that they themselves appeared as 'a beacon of objectivity,' only reporting items that were in the public interest. Yeah right. Joe E squirmed a little because his first priority in life was deniability, and this did not really hit the mark. Sarcasticus Exagerus bullied him further by agreeing to go with the morning edition, then Joe's radio could pick up with the listener's views on the article. This was more like it, so Joe E. Shorts feigned reluctance but concurred. They briefly discussed dirt digging on Otto and even on IR, but quickly concluded that Improbable Richardson did not yet have a political life of note, and of course there would be a much better time for this, considering the public interest in exposing Otto. So it was decided then, Jimmy and his impotent time in office would be the focus of the first round, providing a gaping opportunity for Otto to play the part of a circling vulture. The headline was to read 'Back to the Future' underpinned by 'Ex-Council Leader Jimmy to detail what could have been achieved during his tenure but for Red Tape.' This handed the mouse a difficult task in coaxing the TV audience to sympathise with his personal agenda, which was to create thin ice under IR. It also gave the whip hand to Otto, for now.

Worse was to follow, because the radio phone-in was heavily weighted to a pathetic 'too little, too late' sentiment. This infuriated Cass L'Impotadur, as Deprived Jimmy was rendered sterile before he walked on to the TV set. It was obviously going to make the debate more like a broadcast for the BNP!

Sniffy contacted Cass and sympathised, but insisted he should not see it that way. If Jimmy could be relentlessly steered to specifics on Red Tape, causes and effects, and leave the doctrine issues to Otto, this could herald episode two, where IR would be given a chance to outline the order of his own tasks, with the audience already clamouring for common sense, and insisting that major surgery was required prior to more insipid promises of mere policy simplification.

Sniffy added the potential of 'serialisation' which TV could achieve much better than the other media. The idea of stage-wise assessment appealed to Cass, and the ripples were smoothed. The spit-roasting of Deprived Jimmy would not only be acceptable, it was owed to the citizens. Whether as a result of his own failure as Council Leader, or as a managed exploitation, Deprived Jimmy would accept that deep down, it was his last chance to up-value his memoirs when the dust had finally settled. Sensationalism without really upsetting anyone – all was not lost, Luvly Jubbly.

# Chapter 7

When IR entered the Old Oak he greeted Old Speckled Hen, who always seemed to be there but rarely involved in anything, including drinking. He proceeded to activate the Owl, and got off to a nervous start by declaring that he had to be brief as Enrico was expected soon. The Owl displayed concern at the involvement of a third party but agreed to a cautious exchange of pleasantries as a start.

IR got straight to the point of tackling P.C. and particularly the psychologists. Enoch was silent, and his palpable unease finally gave way to an almost resigned tone, "It will be difficult to use my living experience to project what the current situation needs. My programmer keeps me abreast of life in general, but there are many things in society now which were not present back then. However, as I said, we must use the past to pinpoint decision branches where eradication, modification, purging or reinforcement can be employed. The method during my living years was encumbered in two main areas. Firstly, psychologists are invisible to the populous all of the time, but only invisible in government when the firing squad is being assembled. Their self-preservation raison d'etre infallibly identifies some other part of the circuit as the fuse, which then blows to protect the integrity of the status quo. Secondly, in every branch of psychology, from dealing with paedophiles to education, there is an inbred arrogance, masked as enlightenment, in which they believe they can cure everything. Bear in mind we are talking about cures that we cannot measure by any concrete means, except ultimate failure. If and when a recommendation backfires, it is considered a temporary setback, unlike death, or any other finite measure. The expression 'means to an end' is one sided to them, there are only means. 'End' is a bad word. Consequently, cure means not the end. Policy is what they thrive on, as it does not have to have an end. So, when things go wrong and shake-ups occur, they observe the demise and move to a new host, then a different parasitic cycle starts and the agenda remains. In Darwinian terms they are a very successful species, just think how many there were a century ago and look at today. Just as a business needs an accountant, all walks of life now need a psychologist. It is very clever because we accept this without being told that this is how it will be. Therein lies the problem. Even if we expose them and suggest central redundancy we would be seen to be picking on a benign group of fluffy bunnies. Political suicide would be the result for the aggressors. The crowning absurdity comes with the belief of front line politicians that they are a necessary buffer, giving them a kind of alternative medicine with words, not products, so that it is the infected who continue to perish, not the apothecary. Well, I hope I have not blunted your enthusiasm Richardson?"

"N-No, not really, but you've made me feel more like prey rather than the hunter, maybe terrorism would indeed have been easier!"

"It is more a question of priorities," thundered Enoch, his upbeat mood returning. "You are starting in the right area as far as recognising the disease is concerned, but the surgery you have in mind must be replaced by medication, not to attack the cells but to create an environment that they do not like"

IR suddenly felt wonderful. "That's exactly what I said to Mosey, fantastic, how do I do that?"

"The opportunity will come to you, simply because their meddling is addictive and therefore manifold. You must wait for the appropriate example and we will talk again."

IR gestured in frustration and glanced at his History of the World volume, wondering if he would ever be able to connect the dots.

"Look at it this way," chimed the Owl. "In any public forum, we have been brainwashed into aligning ourselves with the compassionate, neutral, tolerant, accommodating, enlightened speakers, and this conveniently obscures the object of the particular issue, so that reaching a decision is not too important as long as consensus prevails. Proposals for the greater good, which could conceivably impact on any minority, no matter how small, have little chance of survival. The ancient Nomads who became farmers would laugh themselves silly, if they'd had the time to waste on such ludicrous prevarication."

Richardson wondered if the Owl had been reading the same book which he himself was currently trying to decipher.

"But I still need a starting point," pleaded IR.

"No you don't," insisted Enoch, "I made that mistake, many years ago. You have to believe me that attacking the parasite is not for you. Others will be only too pleased to accomplish that objective if you can deliver the environment to which you have already referred. That being facilitation of a sterile rather than a toxic atmosphere. You need to cultivate your own focus on the end, and let others become the means. You must unbridle citizens' power by dismantling Red Tape. The sequence will then become much clearer. Now where is this Enrico?"

"He'll be here anytime now but I may have brought him prematurely in view of this discussion."

"Maybe not," interjected the Owl. "If what you have told me is accurate, he has a good background to appreciate what we are trying to achieve. It is possible we can learn from him, but in addition, he could be a good disciple if he is so well liked.

***

"Buona Sera, Reynarda gave me a lift, it is ok she stays to take me back?"

IR looked sheepishly at the hologram.

"Certainly," hailed the Owl. "Please come closer."

The Silenzios blinked in amazement, IR quickly explained and their jaws dropped further but they complied and took closer order.

# Chapter 8

It may have seemed to the reader like an oversight, an unconscious omission, or just ridiculous. Failing to mention which party IR was serving – well actually, it was deliberate. You had guessed anyway. He was proud to display his belief in the W.C. party - though having come from an immigrant family he had no direct experience of working class mechanics in this country, or indeed the class divide evolution. The now distant ancestors of his family had witnessed more stark realities between affluence and survival. Therefore in today's Coliseum, even he thought the mainstream parties had been simply writing modified lyrics to the same music for almost half a century. That the music itself was verging on redundancy and made little difference to the strident career lyricists, had been the trigger for his interest in politics.

The F.O.B. (Fundamentally Oxbridge Brotherhood) party members were more distinguishable from his own by their attire rather than their politics. The H.U.F.F. (Hybrid Universal Fellowship and Fantasy) party were pretty perfect clones of the others, with an unhealthy sprinkling of knee-jerk denials in their recent history. Politics had become a contest of relativity of appearance, voice and presentation training, suppression of personal malpractice, deferring decisions, and promising the indefinite. Whether any of this brought progress had become largely irrelevant. The continuance of the illusory symphony was king.

IR had always detested inertia, but found himself thrust to the forefront of confrontation (as everyone else ran for cover), despite his discomfort in harbouring such a 'dark' secret. It was only now that he had declared such heresy that he would face impending yet meticulous isolation.

The leader of the local F.O.B. party had requested to be the third presence on the TV debate, and was refused, so the next best mission open to him was to discredit Otto in such a way that the new leader of the W.C. Council would be forced to meet with the F.O.B. representative in a subsequent debate, and this would be billed as the real heavyweights, a slur by deliberate omission of the H.U.F.F. candidate. Why did he think there would be a second debate? One could only guess!!

He was Tarquin De Vere, a peacock whose ancestry was impeccable, if judged by bloodstock alone. But then there was the slur of perceived narrow genetic inheritance. This combination was accompanied by an 'education for the elite,' which amongst other compulsory subjects, included development of an ingrained, overt distrust of the 'proles.' His natural, metaphorical spitting venom was a warning that caution was prudent, if not mandatory during early exchanges. He requested Monsieur Cass L'Impotadur to approach IR and arrange an informal introduction to 'flesh things out' in the true luvvy style of a vampire.

***

Back at the pub. "Tell me, Enrico, do you have concerns yourself about the way society is unfolding? I know you are here at the request of our young friend Richardson, but I am also curious as to how you feel, compared to when you first came here"

"Scusi, Mr Owell, I am a bit mystified about how your programme can be so quickly updated to be able to have this up to the minute conversation. If I did not know better, I would think you are an audiovisual projection of some dead person, coupled with the current views of someone alive, who agrees with the political views of the dead person. But, mia culpa, I am just a café owner and not technically literate, or how you say these things?"

"Hmmm, does that make any difference to the question I asked Enrico?"

"Indeed not. I am disappointed, worried, I am even angry that many times the politicians we elect go against public feelings. I am not talking about things like taxes, but about the fabric of what makes the country work together, helping your neighbour, and promoting these values through our children. I came here because of secular evolution in my original birthplace, and it is now worse here than it ever was during my early life back there. The most irritation comes because we can see the obvious wrong direction we are taking but we are stupido, and do not demand a voice to articulate this to the decision-making mafia. Many politicians live in locations where the danger does not exist, others pretend they don't exist because tackling them may be personally risky for them. Just visiting a location and shaking hands with a few citizens, or watching a slide show does not give anything like the full picture. There is no substitute for living there, and that is why we need local decision-makings, not distant bushy telegraph policy being forced on us. I am not the best in your language, but doesn't 'location' have some derivation from 'local?' There must have been a reason for this back in time. I believe we have reached a point where the principles of democracy, operating in such a corrupted environment can render it a dangerous doctrine, and I never thought I would hear myself say that. Maybe this is to be expected - the universe we are told is expanding until it isn't, then it is contracting – according to the laws of physics. The laws of interaction of citizens, if they exist, may be saying that democracy has the powerful flaw that most citizens in these times want 'Jam today.' So that is what you need to promise to get in to office, then when you do not deliver, you find some citizens will change even a lifetime of political allegiance in protest. If this continues like the expanding universe, it is logical that there will be a change of direction at some point, but when feelings run so high, the powerbrokers seem to listen even less. We can expect fundamental reverse, disrespect for laws and constitution. These first signs are with us now. At local level we see more sympathy for extremist parties because we know the main ones will not change. Left to its own course the possibilities are bleak - an increase in pressure from alternative political systems - fascism, communism maybe, either by election or revolution. At the same time we are being reassured by spinning doctors that the populous cannot be expected to judge such complex issues in a rational way, and citizens must accept that government will not be blown off course, but this course is actually only their own career paths. In the sixty years since the great conflict we have seen a need for cooperation and shared ideals gradually replaced by individual desires, and almost no requirement to interact with other citizens. This is in no small way related to technology, but it is presided over by government. The additional problem of an influx of uncontrolled ethnic groups has caused law-abiding, tax-paying citizens of long-standing local ancestry feel even more that they have no voice. This is unfair to them and the new arrivals. I was one, and I had the space, time and social climate to be seen as a contributor to the common cause. I am terrible sorry, I should stop now, it was a simple question and I have been rambling, as if I was giving a lecture. Please make allowance for my poor understanding of English."

"Fascinating, may I risk another question?"

"Certo, I will try to be short this time"

There was a pause and the Owl enquired if Enrico was worried about expressing his views in public, as it may have consequences for his business and indeed his personal life. Enrico did not really understand why the Owl focussed on this, so he provoked clarification by stating he was a simple man, with simple needs, living in a complicated society with its plethora of distorted values, the so-called me, me, me society. He said he was aware that the collision course of such a society with the general 'ivory tower' mentality of the administration would inevitably result in tectonic abrasion, which, if not anticipated and addressed, would in metamorphic terms lead to Armageddon.

"Do you just hope all this will go away?" challenged the hologram, "or do you hope to help change any of it?"

"I do a little every day in my café to promote awareness and help citizens who feel helpless and alone. I make them feel 'family' in some way, but beyond that I confess I am apprehensive of trying and failing. I take some sort of perverse comfort in not knowing if I could make a real difference. Why do you ask this?"

"Because we have someone here," alluding to IR, "who is willing to do exactly what you refrain from, and he is going to need all the help he can get. I know you came here tonight so he could avail of your experience as an immigrant, which will be a valuable reference for his mission, but he will still be in need of practical support in the mechanics of the task."

"So may I ask you a question now?"

"Of course"

"Who are you, really?"

"You may only know that if we are successful in getting Councillor Richardson accepted on a much wider platform"

"I will think about what you have said," offered Enrico.

"Thank you Mr Silenzio, I look forward to meeting again."

IR listened carefully to Enrico for another couple of hours and noted he had a great strength in appraising citizens through conversation. He seemed to have an instinct for keeping polite humouring to a minimum whilst almost predatory in pursuit of the objective, just as he had done with the Owl. Reynarda spoke for the first time to say goodnight and held her father's hand as they left. IR also headed home for some badly needed sleep, if that was possible.

# Chapter 9

"I thought you would be delighted with my efforts in the media, yet you have an air of suspicion about you," poked Sniffy.

"Well let me put it this way," countered Enoch, "you are ahead of where IR needs to be. I suggest you delay his direct exposure on TV until a particular milestone has been achieved."

"And that would be exactly?"

"That he has a decision to defend or hopefully parade, something tangible, as opposed to sound-bytes and imprecision. If common sense is to survive embryonic mortality it needs a real issue in which he has intervened."

"Fair point," admitted Sniffy, "I'll play for time after the first debate. That actually has other merits than the one you have raised."

***

It was Richardson's first official council meeting, and rising from his spasmodic slumber, he could never have guessed what kind of day lay ahead.

The Council chamber was somewhere he had been before, but now with the weight of responsibility it seemed absolutely cavernous. The leather chairs were significantly older than himself. In some illusory way he was seeing the ornate cornice and richly coloured heavy drapes in sepia or black and white, and the attendees as Victorians from titled estates, with grotesquely exaggerated features. They sat in silence waiting for him. The mood was fortunately broken by some lowly subordinate pushing open the creaking oak door and carrying a large silver tray at the same time. Coffee was poured and the agenda distributed. His urge to make some kind of introductory speech was punctured by an outburst from Echo Tubthumper, an elderly weasel, and a hardliner with several decades of challenging everything under the sun, and a seemingly endless supply of pre-registered queries permanently tucked under his rather generous belt.

"What are you going to do about the impending closure of Woodbine Care Home & Hospice Council Leader?"

"Excuse m - me," stuttered Richardson, "I'm not up to date with the detail on this subject yet, I'm......"

"Please Echo," pleaded Placidus Avoidus, the meeting secretary and producer of the minutes. "We have the agenda in order and we...."

"Yes, however I do not agree with that timetable, and I wasn't even consulted about it, so I've gone to the bother of prioritising my own input to ensure there isn't the usual two hours of hot air on pencils and paperclips, followed by lunch, then the usual stalemate on urgent issues. I'd like to hear what our new leader has to say on matters which mean something to our citizens, those who aren't sitting on their arses around this table."

IR turned to Placidus (the earthworm), and suggested that the assembly should quickly decide the order of the agenda. Avoidus was horrified but before she could reply Echo shouted, "All in favour?"

And the worm was dismayed at the support. Ten minutes later the plight of Woodbine was hoisted to the top of the list and Richardson was briefed. The Home was exceeding budget, but needed two extra qualified staff to meet health and safety standards, and at least that many to provide the care that should be available. Echo was impassioned in his disregard for arbitrary budgets, which could never be accurate enough to accommodate changes in circumstance. Many such changes were really life and death decisions.

While Richardson listened to the opposing views he noticed that point 4 on the re-vamped agenda was titled - 'Extra staff for language posts.' He then called time on the verbal melee, apologised for the ignorance which accompanied his first meeting, and for temporary departure from the agreed order of the day. He then requested to be briefed on point 4. He suggested a comfort break to maintain an efficient schedule.

Mademoiselle Dooblay Entendre, the Council Invigilator on Multiculturalism informed him that with the latest influx of immigrants to Wacky Races Comprehensive School, they would need another six teachers to cope with the new languages involved. To Richardson's astonishment he heard that funding was already in place to teach core subjects in five languages, and that this enriched the tapestry of diversity as well as making those young citizens (if and when they became citizens) who could not speak our language feel at ease in their own cultural enclave. The extra six appointments would mainly be language specialists. But with so much different ethnicity and resulting alphabets to cope with, the collateral need for counselling, signage, dietary requirements and policy on uniforms caused significant stress. Thus the proposal was to install two of the six additions as Identity Gurus (official title), their task being to smooth the path to harmony (official buzzwords), yet consequently marginalizing the emerging widening of pupil ability and achievement (actual).

Richardson took an extra comfort break and splashed cold water on his face to convince himself that he was in fact not still dreaming in bed. He gathered himself and returned to his chair.

"We councillors are also citizens, and I'm about to speak as one of our community. I don't mean to ride roughshod over anyone's steadfast views or the hard work which has gone into plans to combat our growing area of responsibility. I'm new here, a rookie, so I hope you can accept that I have no bias or predisposition to any line of thought, except one, that being the guardian of simple common sense. I don't bring expertise to this gathering as such, only the determination to re-assess priorities and shed light on instances of blundering into a fog of psychology dogma. So, if that thrust aids us reaching consensus on the difficulties we face, that would be fine. If it doesn't, I will leave no stone unturned to alter the objectives to comply with my aforementioned crusade to the altar of common sense. I do concede that it is a complex concept to define, though an easy one to recognise. I'm sure we all realise that certain objectives have real merit, and others are merely to keep our 'superiors' happy. We also need to keep the citizens who elected us happy, or at least ensure we don't let them down on very important pledges. In the light of this declaration I'm going to propose we move the funding reserves from the school to the home. Let's get the citizens who have contributed to our society all their lives taken care of prudently, and start a reversal process of the insane notion that funding a secular approach in schools, as well as wider society, will achieve nothing but a waste of money. And worse still, the waste of an opportunity to allow integration of children, who in this context can probably teach their parents something about diversity and tolerance. This has to start with language!!! They came here freely and they have to subscribe to the laws of the land as a minimum requirement. I'm sure this would be best served by the first step of speaking as we do. So we can save the Hospice and save money by revising the school budget downwards."

A pin could have dropped and everyone would have been deafened.

"I don't think this would go down well in the caverns of central government." winced Avoidus eventually.

"It will be overruled by the Minister for Education," fawned Mme Entendre, barely able to disguise her judgement of this intellectual pygmy, who dared to question central wisdom.

"Who cares," echoed Echo, "it's the right way to go, no matter how many lunches it spices up at HQ. Those snorting in the expenses trough have to listen to us too, it isn't a one way street. I support the Leader's proposal, and furthermore I look forward to the rest of the meeting with renewed vigour."

"It is not as simple as it sounds," warned Placidus, "we can't just re-appropriate funds. There is a procedure of authorisation to follow. I will not risk my own position by flouting that duty."

Richardson stood up and said if this was the lock-jam to be expected on every contentious subject then something would have to change.

"We either challenge accepted practice or simply implement it." He then stated that it would be made clear in this instance that the buck stopped at himself, and nobody else, but in future he wanted to see more backbone in weeding out crazy projects. He postponed the rest of the meeting and said he would report back on discussions with the hierarchy, whether success or failure was the result.

He contacted the regional finance controller and within thirty seconds recognised the verbal padding as 'don't involve me,' so he went straight to the top. Minister for Education, the Right Honourable E.N.Trenchard Hedinsand, was a devoutly, faithful, fence sitting albatross whose guiding commandment was, 'it is a decision not to make a decision.'

He was busy, so IR left a cryptic message to get his attention. Suddenly he was not so busy after all, and while swallowing a couple of tranquilising pills laid it on thick to this upstart. Under no circumstances was he to proceed with such an outrageous mutiny of Central Policy. Another stress torpedo was required when IR not only failed to fold, but attempted a bold passing shot with the pronouncement that local government was founded to resolve local issues. The topspin lob from Trenchy was dispatched without disguise (a prime requirement for such a shot), in the form of a threat to travel North immediately and personally quell the rebellion. IR easily delivered the winning drop shot by declaring he would be delighted to meet up with the lofty minister. However, the urgent timescale of the local needs prevented him from any postponement of the plan revision. Game and first set to Local Lad, new balls please!!!

He reported back to his own committee that despite some resistance the proposal was to go ahead, and although he repeated all future repercussions were his alone, he asked Echo to inform the anxious citizens at Woodbine, and subsequently Dooblay Entendre could break the bad news to the Head of Wacky Races.

From two epicentres the ripples raced outward. The caverns in the south were acoustically perfect in receiving the simultaneous impact on all departments. In the north, Sniffy was once more horrified that he was a receiver rather than a transponder. The media got this tsunami along with everyone else, so it was not exactly 'news,' nevertheless it was sensational.

While the furore gathered pace IR made for the Old Oak. He could not leave the Owl out of this. Collie was expecting him and had already logged him in.

"You are a surprise package Richardson."

How did he know so soon? "Not so Enoch, I'm concentrating on the end! And I'll also address the means, or red tape in the process."

"Might be difficult to do both in the middle of not one but two chain reactions don't you think?"

"Maybe," conceded IR. "That's why I'm here, to tell you that if I'm going to fall at the first hurdle, it should be in challenging injustice, or exposing ludicrous policy. This action enjoys the impact of both. I won't be brought down purely by blindly following protocol and labelling myself as a good soldier."

"Hmmm, I admit now that it is out there it has to be dealt with, and I can see that if you survive it will strengthen your hand. You should know that I also had the support of the citizens all those years ago, yet I failed to nullify the tentacles of the octopus of 'free speech suppression.' No matter that a famous old philosopher said, 'I do not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.' They will hunt you down, offer you a mind-meld or a crucial post at the magnetic void of the party, where you can be observed, contained by a force field. There is a difference however on which we must focus. You are speaking out for elderly citizens and servants of their homeland. You are also by implication saying that there will be a day when new immigrants are old and will need care, so by their contribution (or sacrifice) at this time, the safety net will be preserved for all. Their contribution is the small sacrifice of learning our language, a noble cause with which no self-respecting psychologist could take issue. Perhaps this can mitigate some of the vulnerability for now, but you must check the radar frequently for counter-measures."

"You put it so well," beamed IR, "all I meant was to deliver to our citizens the best balance, but I see now that it takes more than common sense, and I'll learn quickly, hopefully quickly enough."

"Good, I suggest you may wish to encourage the F.O.B. member to attack you when Sniffy sets up the broadcast, maybe even goad you into admitting the possibility of non-ratification of your outrageous Hospice proposal from above. You will then need no further encouragement to proclaim that you are not dealing with a dinosaur such as his party. He will be on the ropes, and you can extol the benefits of a forward-thinking administration, in which there is always room for reconciling national and local needs in an enlightened and constitutional way. This delivers a body blow to both parties, and if the hierarchy of the W.C. party are left dangling, they will have to respond in a supportive way, but one which does not broaden insurrection to other regions. This way you will get time to keep the issue burning bright, and for them to come up with a spin to at least cover their rear, or even endorse your proposal on a one-off basis. I almost wish I was still amongst the living!!!"

# Chapter 10

The image of Enrico standing there was a surprise to the Owl, it was even more unexpected that he was unaccompanied.

"Mr Silenzio, good to see you again, how can I help?"

"First, maybe I can ask you again. Who are you? I imagine that since you recognise me instantly, or maybe 'in real time' is the modern expression, this makes me wonder if you are not far away from here."

"Neither you nor I are whom we appear to be, wouldn't you agree Enrico?"

"There are no aerials, satellite dishes, or similar technical gear that I can see in the pub, so I assume it's a safe, wireless network. If you ever need to move away, as I have heard, you would need portability, which means truly micro-technology. This I understand, but why hide your identity from your patrons?"

"Your deductions, whilst reasonable, do not cover all possibilities and therefore do not point to all feasible outcomes. You are fishing, but I do not see what relevance it has to the task in hand"

"Remind me of what that is," teased Silenzio.

"To assist Cllr Richardson in his quest to bring some transparency, morality, simplicity to local and national government through the application of common sense, and therefore uphold genuine democratic methodology. Mission Impossible I suppose, unless a firebrand, such as he will surely be perceived, survives the debilitating frost of Cabinet breath. Individuals like him do not come along every day. However, you cause me to digress."

"Then why do you suggest I'm not who I seem to be?" said Enrico

"Because you felt the same of me. Who we are is irrelevant compared to what we do, as long as that is not a subterfuge for infiltration. Is that your concern Enrico?"

"Well, yes, I still remember this technique from my days in my old country, it was catastrophic for my family and friends."

"I can understand your cautious scrutiny, and you must come to your own conclusions. I will not try to convince you of my veracity, only by my actions will I be judged. That includes you. I had hoped you had returned to say that after consideration you wished to join the cause in establishing more trust in government. Richardson, like myself, and hopefully others are but conduits to that purpose"

"You refer to your actions, but it is difficult to imagine a hologram carrying out action. Never mind, we can discuss this many times in the future I'm sure. Give me a specific idea in which you think I could help."

"Wrong approach Mr Silenzio, if we look at this from the enemy's perspective, they will, if we are successful, categorise us as a potentially unpleasant flu variant. 'Medication' will be applied and assumed to effect healing, but if proliferation occurs, a more radical assist to the immune system of those in power will be sanctioned. This will be the most difficult phase for us. If we can prevail through it we will then face all the might of 'operation epidemic eradication,' and that is where your previous unhappy experience will be replicated in this country. Are you up for the fight? If so we must manage these phases carefully and even then there will be setbacks, some very significant. Timing will be everything."

Enrico lived up to his name by remaining quiet for a while before uttering, "Count me in Mr Owl. I have a business to run, but I'll manage to dedicate any of my spare time to this, in fact I must do this. Are you going to be contacting me?"

"No, it will not work like that, I am a sounding board, not an executive, as you already pointed out. One day you may know why."

# Chapter 11

The phone rang, Richardson picked up.

"Hedinsand here. Now look Councillor, I'll be with you tomorrow, and I want you to assure me that none of the education budget is to be frittered away on anything other than agreed items, understood." (No question mark).

"Too late, the bank has set the required amount for drawdown in the Woodbine account. The Hospice is interviewing applicants previously on file as we speak. Also, I have given written confirmation to all parties, so there's no going back I'm afraid. Well, I'm not really afraid I'm rather excited. Anyway it'll be good to meet you tomorrow and we can watch the TV debate together if you like, as we are on the same team, after all."

"You, you, you treacherous little cretin, you will regret this irresponsible action, I shall make it my main objective to personally run you out of office. Make sure all documents are available to me upon arrival. That is an order."

"Yes sir, how did you know I was little? I'll have everything that you want ready for inspection, and maybe even more items to discuss."

"And what in hell do you mean by that?"

"That it's good practice to be over-prepared, rather than the opposite."

Click, the phone was disconnected.

***

Deprived Jimmy was feverishly working on a defence against Otto, coupled with taking it easy on IR (sour grapes and memoirs were not happy bedfellows). Concurrently, Otto was sharpening his cutlass. Initially sympathising with Jimmy and his frustrating time in office, then slowly turning the razor edge to the W.C. party, with all its bureaucracy and staleness. It could only in reality go this way and they both knew it, but it required metering out in public, otherwise the 'spectators' would be deprived of the Christians and the Lions parody, as advertised and repeatedly hyped.

***

Tarquin De Vere, had many contacts and he wasted no time learning that IR spent a lot of time at a local pub. At first this did not seem significant, however his source mentioned that he took documents there and had video-link conferences with someone. He found this intriguing and decided to pay a visit. He greeted Collie as he entered and immediately ordered scotch with a teensy-weensy shot of the old Perrier. Collie made an instant decision that this 'hail fellow well met' was probably going to be very hard work. After a couple of drinks and bribes offered as tips, he asked about the history of the pub, and said a pal of his had told him of a video phone or something or other. So, as he was always up for new technology he wondered what it was all about. Collie gave him the autopilot version of how it worked and pointed to the Holo-matrix.

With slightly more confidence than trepidation De Vere approached the prompt, pressed and saw the log-in screen. Before he could ask, Collie spat out the data. When Tarquin had completed the necessary input, the Owl appeared and almost caused him to perform a backward somersault. Enoch greeted the stranger with a barely perceptible stutter - was he a stranger? De Vere's own stuttering was not exactly a portrayal of calmness. "Yes, well..., I mean it's, isn't it...? I think..., amazing...., it is good to er meet you, is that the right expression?"

"Whatever," exclaimed Enoch, "what can I do for you?"

"You must excuse me. I didn't know what to expect. I was just passing by and,... but I must introduce myself, De Vere, Tarquin De Vere, please call me Tarquin,.. Is that acceptable?"

"De Vere will be fine, now do you know what you want of me, I am very busy and right now is not a good time for vague pleasantries."

De Vere struggled to come up with any sensible reply, so Enoch provoked him to do so.

"Is it to do with your F.O.B. party or personal?"

'How the hell does he know that?' mused De Vere.

"Well?" blasted the Owl.

"I need time to......."

The screen went blank and De Vere was still grappling with the notion he had been talking to a corpse, and one who knew who he was, in real time!!!! What else did he or it know? He left in a hurry, vowing to do more research before he came back to engage in a meaningful conversation.

He rang his contact - a duplicitous ferret – Verily Knot, alias Tad Kosher, alias Omar Gord, alias Ivan Armin Agutter.

"You didn't prepare me for meeting that deceased, opinionated fossil!" yelled De Vere.

"Tarquin, all fossils are deceased, you really must brush up on your delivery if you still have ambition to crawl out of the primordial soup of local government."

"Never mind the smart remarks. Did you know with whom I was going to be confronted on this damned video console?"

"Of course not, I merely heard of a 'machine' that Richardson was consulting, who did not come into the equation. What's all the panic about?"

De Vere paused, took a deep breath and changed tone, "No panic, I just didn't expect to meet that old duffer in the pub, and he had the temerity to prevent me from accessing the machine." That sounds convincing he thought. "So I'll have to go back another time."

The plan was forming as he spoke.

"Ok," said Verily, "let me know if I can help on anything else."

"Yes, I'm sure I will shortly, thanks, bye for now." He did not want Verily, Tad, Omar or Ivan to have any idea of his next step.

# Chapter 12

Hedinsand was punctual but incandescent when he arrived, brushing aside IR's gesture of a handshake. He barrelled through the main office, acknowledging nobody, and sat at Richardson's desk, instructing the Councillor to close the door and sit opposite. "You will note I have a recording device which is already switched on, and has verified to you that I am storing this conversation for future reference."

"I see," said IR, "good idea."

"You will call the bank, cancel the instruction you gave them to allow the Hospice drawdown of funds, and you will confirm to me now by memorandum that you will only spend current Education Budget Appropriation on already approved items for that department. In future you will seek my written authorisation on a case by case principle for any kind of expenditure."

IR smiled and quietly said, "I was told this would happen, so it's not a surprise. Unfortunately your manner, as much as your position on this issue, is also being recorded on my equipment as well as your own, and I believe if the two do not match, there will be a problem for one of us."

A mix of curiosity and uncertainty swept over Hedinsand, so IR took the initiative. "You see Minister, I don't want to upset anyone. I just see this as the best way forward for our citizens. And as I mentioned, I've briefed every local officer plus the media on this proposal, so we cannot pretend to them that this hasn't occurred. I understand that, generally speaking, it's been well received. That may complicate matters even further, if we're perceived as being so intransigent as a party, that we cannot agree on something the majority of citizens see as the only common sense resolution of such an almighty dilemma. Isn't that why we're elected representatives?"

Being conscious of the double-edged sword of the recordings, the Minister was beginning to back-pedal from the 'Overlord' dispensing authority, to a politician acutely aware of being over-publicised for seemingly insensitive adherence to proposed budgets in the face of concrete needs in the community.

"Perhaps you should have requested additional contingency funding before taking such an extreme unilateral approach. This shows you are not a team player, which is the cornerstone of our party."

"I did consider that Minister, but the citizens in the hospice don't really have time for the request, analysis, meeting, re-justification, new analysis, higher level meeting, counter-proposal, and final consideration, all in writing. They need care now. You also assume that you're unerringly correct in your doctrine to engage more language specialists, purely so we can educate new immigrants. Many, and I really do mean many of the citizens, and the teachers, believe this is absolute folly in financial terms, and even more so in damaging integration. This is most certainly going to be a contentious subject for the whole country in the near future. I therefore see some merit in addressing it now. In representing local citizens I don't want extra funds to be sought by raising taxes, when a simple hold can be placed on monies considered to be wrongly allocated by Central Policy. And those funds are available! The Hospice won't wait, the debate on core subjects being taught in multiple languages hasn't occurred yet, other than as ratification by Mandarins of some woolly concept of Multiculturism. I would hazard a guess that a wider debate wouldn't produce such an esoteric, cumbersome, impractical calamity. I know we haven't yet reached the situation where everyone in the country feels Multiculturism targets should be pegged to allow smoother assimilation of costs. It's no wonder then that the vast majority can only feel annoyance at the scant available evidence. That being the rigid application of central edicts which inhibit a level of integration which would benefit both indigenous and immigrant populations alike. The diversity can flourish given a base of common denominators. It's the responsibility of the elected, put in office by the majority, to represent that majority, to ensure fair treatment for minorities, but not at the expense of damaging social harmony. The elected are not there to dictate policy, then ignore genuine concern which develops into a sinister climate, without recourse to fresh appraisal. Democracy demands this as a minimum platform to uphold its ideology."

Hedinsand snarled and countered "That is an extremely naïve interpretation of what is required to serve our cause and I...."

"I don't see any merit in you and I debating this in isolation Minister, as you've already told me, you'll run me out of office if I don't comply with your 'tablets of stone.' I should, by the way, remind you that this threat was recorded as well. Surely we don't want the downside of wasting time trying to convince each other, when I've already been scheduled to be jettisoned, as my views will be of no value. I suggest we both get on with our respective remits. I hope you'll stay for tonight's debate on TV. We might discover there are even views expressed which differ from those attributed to ourselves. Now, if I can have my normal chair I can continue where I left off before your arrival. Where are you staying tonight?"

Nothing more said, high blood pressure, hasty exit, entente definitely not cordiale. Still, never mind.

# Chapter 13

Otto was gagging to lance the boil sat in front of him immediately, but he exercised sufficient patience to choose the right moment, just as he'd planned. When the presenter concluded his introduction of the protagonists, Otto leaned forward and shook hands, "You know Deprived Jimmy, may I call you Deprived? That is certainly how the citizens felt during your spell in office. However, I must admit that I wanted to feel some sympathy for you for a fleeting moment back then. A fellow politician, suffering genital strangulation because of obstinate bureaucracy encountered from one's own party. But, we all know this kind of sacrifice goes with the territory, and so I could not summon that sympathy. There were so many glaring problems to be addressed, and your party leadership blurred the boundary between central and local needs. This was a deliberate strategy, and it was your undoing, not as a target but simply to cover the derriere of your chosen one.

"You were elected as a citizen of principle but your efforts to uphold such trust were less than heroic. You weren't allowed any freedom to deliver promises. This 'selling out' unfortunately reinforces the cycle of deception. Such hypocrisy also breeds incestuously, and it was decreed that your successor had to be moulded to the party line even more than yourself. Nobody seems capable of seeing the obvious, that the only appointment which could now satisfy the voters is a maverick, maybe even an extremist. But let's face it, the central hierarchy of your party would guillotine the poor sod's tenure. This repetitive, relentless change of personnel, being sold as heralding reform, will in practice guarantee the exact opposite. However, the good news is that this charade is being played out in the shadow of the BNP. The majority of citizens now know that we are the only party capable of utterly ruthless implementation of our manifesto promises. The citizens have seen through the W.C. shambles, and indeed voted in such a maverick, a very promising candidate who appears intent on shaking the tree. He believes he has nothing to lose but his position. You believed you had to do or not do whatever was going to maintain your position. I would be interested in your view of our new Council Leader operating from within the W.C. party machine."

The studio was akin to a fairground of individuals running around the set, signalling instructions pointing to different cameras, drawing attention to auto-cues, and the lights were insufferably hot. The prospect of Jimmy's make up running amok as well as his underbelly being skewered by Otto's first gambit was not a pleasant scenario. Jimmy shifted in his seat a couple of times and surprisingly went for it. "There is much speculation in what you say, however I will have my chance to give the factual version at some time. I regret some of the inertia on crucial issues to which you refer, and although you tend to minimise the complexity of real road blocks which delay implementation, I concede that a process of simplification is badly overdue. I refute the assertion that failure to achieve what I set out to do was related in any way to my own vulnerability if I had taken a more aggressive stance. It's always easier to solve problems in opposition than when in power, and Cllr. Richardson will discover that, unlike yourself. I wish him luck, and he can count on any support from myself, if he felt I had relevant experience to offer."

The rest of the debate was a continuance of the strike and parry stuff around the same pivot, that being IR, so it was going quite well in Sniffy's estimation. However, Otto had planned to switch tactics abruptly at the finale and basically deliver a party-thumping monologue for the B.N.P.

"The critical point you fail to take on board is so clear to myself and the electorate. We've reached a crossroads in our democratic process at which most citizens have moved away from voting for policies to one of voting against other policies. When this is combined with a declining turnout, we end up with a rather obvious outcome. When voting for, we have an array of options to which we give ranking, whereas when we vote against, it is almost always one item which angers the electorate, and so prioritising becomes relatively redundant. This is where the tipping point emerges and the traditional loyalty is eroded by the party itself, not the citizens. When we the BNP arrive at this point, and it is imminent, there will be demand that dedicated, rock solid implementation of promises must be seen to happen in short order. The current rhetoric of the mainstream parties will be dismissed, because of repetitive failure, and unless a miracle of transparency and trust is re-established, overnight, those parties will lose any remaining credibility.

"My party has been portrayed by your own as a spectre hovering over an ever more disenfranchised electorate, but this isn't reality. We stand for clear, decisive policy and swift implementation for those who favour such policy. Is this truly more sinister than the fog we are offered by your lot?"

Before Jimmy could counter the presenter was about to call time, Otto quickly lauded the appointment IR and stated that other parties should subordinate their own doctrine to the right course of action, if there was conflict between the two. Circumstances change, and he insisted must policy adapt. IR switched off the TV and felt the impulse to visit the Owl in order to check on his take of the debate, but smiled to himself, when he wondered how Enoch would watch television. He also wanted to bring him up to date with the ministerial encounter. However he knew the demands on his time were increasing more quickly than he had bargained for, so he decided to answer calls and mail.

One of the mails astonished him. It was from the Health and Safety Executive. They had received the usual application from the council (before his time) for the Xmas party licence. The staff at the council each year had a get together to celebrate the festive season and they had to fill out the same paperwork every time. This year the licence was granted with a strong proviso. The H.S.E. wasn't happy that there would be a Karaoke machine in use. Their concern was not confined to the electrical aspects, or the possibility of some words offending whoever they might offend, but centred on the possibility that excessive, celebratory singing over a period of hours could lead to extremely sore throats, and in these days of rampant litigation paranoia, it was considered too much of a risk. They stipulated that the licence was contingent on this point and suggested a rota of participation which wouldn't impair the seasonal goodwill of the event. They didn't suggest an alternative activity as their remit was to prevent problems, not to recommend anything which may promote them. What a motivating calling they must have, he thought.

IR was on the verge of shredding the letter and saying nothing about it, but he hesitated, and decided that it was necessary to dispute it before ignoring it. He dictated a reply which mocked the stifling influence the HSE had on life in general, and invited attendance of one of their officers so that a proper report could be filed on the 'practical evaluation of the dangers, outlined as precautions.' He acknowledged that the proposed travel to Multicoloured Meadow carried the chance of an accident on the motorway, or a train crash, but presumably these things were already risk-assessed and therefore factored into their everyday duties.

# Chapter 14

Hedinsand approached the inner sanctum briefing with some apprehension. This was an intimidating office with potential adversaries located at different points of the compass, during each séance, often departing from their sworn convictions on many issues. The room had a musty atmosphere and was strewn with cut glass and expensive fountain pens, inkwells and blotting pads. He had undertaken his recent journey North with the task of smoothing a small ripple of anarchy, and it had mutated to become a stepwise deflation of the authority of a new incumbent, a party sacrifice, the creation of another eunuch. 'Yes,' he thought, 'that is a pretty safe take for now.' He was of course suffering from his overly confident initial boast that such a fly-swatting exercise should have been dealt with by some minion from the conformance division. But unfortunately he had (recklessly, he admitted to himself) been persuaded to bypass the morass of layered command, and for what? To preserve a paltry budget for linguistics? He'd erred big time, and it was conceivable that this elementary misjudgement could affect his personal standing.

The main problem he now faced was to somehow squeeze his report into the best position in the meeting agenda. The Pompous Maximus was dealing with a split in his proposal to avoid a referendum on exit from the Edifice of Un-fulfilment, and this was going to be tricky in its own right. So, Hedinsand had to find a way of supporting the PM, then explain to his colleagues why he had changed his mind. This meant he had to get his report into the agenda immediately after the EU item. He duly did so, and delivered his input in carefully fragmented morsels - good, bad, not so good, pretty good, very bad (IR), neutral, - an excellent sequence he thought. He had kept the really excellent news until last. Percentage wise, related to the whole population, most university places were taken by ethnic minorities. In this ratio the numerator (university entrants) was very accurate and the denominator (immigrant population) was pure guesswork, so no-one could dispute his statistic. This illustrated the progress we have made in recognising diversity. Coming immediately after his about-face on the EU, he languished in sumptuous self-congratulation and absorbed the odd winning smile from the PM. The tortuous journey from potential ridicule to a modicum of glory almost caused him to spontaneously and involuntarily decorate the underside of the table.

When it came to any other business, he stridently suggested that the Minister for PC, his esteemed colleague, may be persuaded to invite a selection of local councillors to a seminar designed to purge them of reflex, lone-furrow thoughts, brought about by the pressure of proximity to the clamour of the citizens who elected them.

The Minister for PC, a reptilian, was genetically differentiated from most citizens by his cold-blooded metabolic system, and was the perfect resource to show those at the outposts of our society that their burden could be shared, and a sanctuary of calmness was available to them. The Rt. Hon. Horace Hoarsescheit, was capable of curtailing, shunting, paralysing all kinds of ambition in the most benign way. IR was inserted at the top of the list.

Hedinsand mused to himself that things had turned out nice again. Horace knew he had been stitched up without anaesthetic. He promised himself that he would recover this potential lost ground by a reciprocal harpoon, masquerading as the very essence of matrix teamwork. He had to involve other inner sanctum members in this delicate task, especially those who were yet to extract an explanation of Hedinsand's unexpected support for the PM on the EU proposal.

This would require meticulous planning and a very robust safety net. First things first, he would demonstrate enthusiasm by quickly inviting the designated councillors to the seminar. He would then ask Hedinsand to deliver the keynote speech to prevent him evaporating from any consequential judgement. The list of EU dissenters was formidable. He chose two. He would have preferred only one for the purpose of keeping his agenda a guarded secret, but that did not make provision for future corroboration.

He chose the Health Secretary - Will Standin-Line, a pedigree bull, who passionately believed in everything he stud for, and the Minister for Defence - Sean A. Bombortwo, a fiercely argumentative mink who loved to use the word 'stratagem.'

# Chapter 15

Tarquin De Vere was a very resourceful individual despite his outwardly 'blowhard' manner. For some reason he had been highly disturbed by his first meeting with the Owl. He decided he should have another conversation prior to initiating his plan.

"Drink Sir?" prompted Collie.

"Yes, the usual - and a sandwich or something. Anything to keep me going until lunch."

"Very good, if you are intending to engage the Holo-matrix I can bring everything over in a few minutes".

Not wanting the bardog eavesdropping he declined that offer and said he would summon the Owl later.

"A question my good man, how is it we can engage with the Owl on demand as it were, when he is actually dead? I mean these are real time exchanges, he is always available and I feel he can see me - nonsense really."

"Miracle of modern technology sir, I suppose, don't savvy it myself," said Collie, handing him his elevenses.

Disposing of the sustenance rapidly, De Vere approached the machine and logged in.

"Yes De Vere, will this be more stimulating than the previous encounter?"

"Depends on you really, not another blank screen I hope."

"Technical glitches are beyond my influence, let us proceed."

"To be completely frank," De Vere lied, "I'm rather surprised but impressed with this Improbable Richardson chap. He has already buffeted some of the inhabitants in the corridors of power, and rumour has it that he intends to proceed with a breath-taking disregard for even the most innovatively camouflaged fence sitting, irrespective of its seniority. There is no hope of him surviving and you know it."

"He does have an air of impatience. What is your point?"

"Well I'm in opposition, party-wise as you know, but inertia is both the enemy and the safeguard of our political arena, dependent of course on your position in the pyramid. Timing is extremely critical if you wish to affect the amplitude of the swinging pendulum."

"And you are a perfect example, I repeat. What is your point?"

De Vere felt the calculating presence of the owl, which confirmed his theory of manipulation, and he accepted that he had to open up the discussion to try and determine where the technology equipment might be stored and who could gain access to it.

"I sense that this young citizen must not be sacrificed without achieving something other than destabilising a few egos. You achieved this a long time ago but the drifting sands have virtually obliterated that awareness. In some citizens' perception you were a martyr, but then the omnipresent entity digested you, the irritant, relentlessly. And yet the message is more relevant than ever. I'm not suggesting that IR should appear as inflammatory as you were with your scary Defcon warnings, however he does have the advantage of no career to protect and doesn't display ambition for higher office."

"I detect mischief De Vere."

"Well, thanks for the honesty, I will therefore reciprocate. I would be happy to support the fledgling on certain issues at a local level, even where there is differing party policy, if I can see that the resolution of said issue clearly overshadows entrenched party policy. In fact I would be prepared to stress that point in any interview with the media. I would also be willing to recruit the H.U.F.F. candidate into this campaign."

"IR has many diverse offers of help from sources with which he is not even familiar. Why aren't you approaching him directly?"

"Because, if we're seen to collaborate openly it would become a beacon to be extinguished by the Inquisition, you know that."

"I will think about this before I expose the Councillor to your suggestion. Log in again in a couple of days."

"You don't give much away do you? In our first session you appeared to recognise me even when you greeted me as 'stranger,' but how could you possibly know me?"

"In a couple of days then."

Blank screen! Tarquin was hopeful, no more than that.

# Chapter 16

There was a real buzz in the café, as every citizen knew about the 'Saviour of the Hospice' and Enrico was bombarded with questions about Councillor Richardson.

He advised cautious optimism, telling them that IR would have to count on their support if he was to continue with his unrelenting implementation of such policies.

Malcolm G, (real name Ebeneezer J. Wampy) was a tropical avian of mixed ancestry. His father was a starling and his mother a humming bird. His focus in life was to be the opposite of the early bird who catches the worm, he was so laid back he was beginning to lose his ability to fly. Enrico, who had almost always been successful in motivating citizens, and instilling aspirations in them, had continuously failed with Malcolm G. He never really understood why. He was to be further confused.

Amongst all of the feel-good bustle, Enrico noticed that the strumming bird, as he had become known, was very quiet, not involved, and devoid of his usual cynical quips. After a while Malcolm G's restlessness got the better of him and he asked Enrico how he could meet this Improbable Richardson. The café owner offered to introduce him, but enquired as to the nature of his interest. Malcolm G said that he didn't know why, he just felt it would be 'real cool' and accepted Enrico's offer.

***

IR was reflecting on how exciting his first few days in office had been and thought it would probably not live up to this sustained adrenaline rush in future. He hadn't counted on the demonstration which was taking place outside the so-called 'Justice Chambers.' The citizens were there in force to support Marmaduke Pinstripe, a long-standing pillar of the community. He was an affable, porcine fellow of the large white variety. A burglar had broken into his domain and tried to abscond with most of 'Duke's' prized audio-visual collection. When Pinstripe challenged the intruder, (Uranus Ormine, a decidedly obnoxious frog) he realised he was facing a weapon of considerable or even absolute destruction. The resulting struggle left Duke with slashed ears and the amphibian with a twisted foreleg.

The Law Officers had arrived after Duke had called the emergency number. They subsequently took both parties to the station where they each faced charges. Ormine with breaking into a property which was not his, but no charge of stealing as the intruder hadn't actually left the premises, regardless of the fact that his sack was full of porcine hi-fi. His legal aid claimed the shabby receptacle belonged to Duke, either way the ownership of the sack couldn't be proven. Pinstripe was charged with using unreasonable force in dealing with the incursion. Both were found guilty, the frog was given community service and Citizen Pinstripe was to be incarcerated for six months. The demonstration was peaceful, but feelings were running high, so extra law officers were called in. Richardson was about to be informed of the situation in the middle of reading a memo from Echo Tubthumper, outlining another 'crisis case.' A middle aged pony had been diagnosed as probably terminally ill and had been denied medication on cost effective grounds. The medication may not save her, but would at least help to make the final stages more bearable. Memphis Chloe had pinned all hope on Echo coming up trumps. Tubthumper's point was centred on the government proposal to prescribe anti-obesity drugs for another two million citizens in the coming year. This astronomic cost was being justified as preventative medicine, thus producing a net saving, in years to come. No numbers or time of payback were detailed, just a strong ethos. It was argued by Echo that many (not all cases of obesity) were able to counteract the problem, notably by the subject changing their lifestyle, whereas Chloe was simply the victim of a random illness that medical science had no way of predicting or curing with any certainty.

IR was formulating a letter of response to some minor traffic-related concern, when Placidus said he really ought to go to the Justice Chambers, and summarised the scenario with her usual nucleic penchant, reciting her shorthand notes as he hurried out of the office. No time for consultation on this one, it was down to him and he knew the media would be there.

He arrived to see a rather forlorn looking Pinstripe, handcuffed and being shuffled to a vehicle of conveyance, decked with the official detention livery. Cheers rang out when the unruly crowd spotted IR, and even the law officers appeared to be relieved. A microphone was thrust into his face followed by a demand to explain his presence, and his view on the matter. He addressed the whole gathering as one in declaring his feeling of injustice, stating he had just been told about the case, and when he had been fully briefed, he would be taking the matter up with Homeland Security. More cheers, gradual dispersal, and a vehicle speeding away.

He spent the evening writing his letter to the respective Ministers and made them both aware of each situation. The outline was brief and with no reference to any specific action he was seeking on the two individual issues. The thrust was to suggest that although it was the responsibility of central policy makers to deal with such negative reaction (such as demonstrations) to their doctrine, it was also the responsibility of local elected councils to uphold the Law. In doing so, there must be provision to challenge those laws to cover similar cases in future. He stressed that the citizens themselves could mount a legal challenge and local government officers must then judge whether to support such causes or indeed lead them. The two cases could then be considered on their own merits and as to where they differed. The burglary was covered by clearly defined law, but didn't seem fair to most citizens. The use of defensive force in tackling the intruder was a bit of a mealy-mouthed pronouncement, and took no account of the urgency facing the property owner. In stark contrast he indicated that Memphis Chloe's plight was self-explanatory and had to be resolved, pronto. He stated he would prefer some comment from the respective Ministers before taking any action himself, but failing any dialogue he would be forced by conscience to resort to a legal approach of some kind.

The response was swift but had an overpowering stench of inertia, which was obviously arrived at by collusion, and were committed to the written form as emails. Following receipt he saved these mails, and he concluded that he had no choice but to challenge both cases, based on their individual circumstances.

Health Minister Standin-Line had spoken to Wimp Fargo - Minister for Homeland Security, and suggested that the burglary and refusal of medication for terminal conditions had no overlapping implications, and as such didn't merit any further discussion between them, and furthermore, he had no intention of keeping the Cabinet in the dark. This local upstart was there and simply had to be dealt with. Wimp, a balding duck, and an imminent pension qualifier, lived up to his reputation and concurred, but felt a clammy sweat coming on.

***

Meanwhile, at the hostelry in Hell's Hill, sorry, Harmony Rise, Jacky Jack Jackson the Jackdaw, a professional burglar of some repute, was waxing eloquently about how the new laws made his profession more enjoyable. "I get up in the morning full of beans now, not like the old days when it was just boring if you were lucky enough not to get caught, and a stretch in porridge if you weren't." This pub, The Bragging Joint, was about as different as imaginable from the Old Oak. The clientele was exclusively 'working' rather than relaxing and imbibing, taking orders for stolen goods, planning benefit fraud, selling information on vacant premises, all verbal and through a sophisticated barter system. You get the picture, a nexus of an under-life, burgeoning in this climate of 'rights of the perpetrator, tough on the victim.'

"I'll use my latest cosy community service sentence to 'clock' new jobs, a kind of busman's holiday, see ya'll in a bit." He knew he would meet other beneficiaries of the 'soft option' of community service, including the frog.

# Chapter 17

IR wasted no time in contacting the Owl about Pinstripe, but was confronted with a stumbling block. Enoch felt this was a case for the best available legal counsel, while also admitting that his database was not a fertile source of such expertise. He suggested he might contact De Vere, as he had promised support and this would be a good test.

They met at the pub a couple of hours later and discussed the situation in the presence of the Owl. Tarquin was mortified at IR's headstrong, gladiatorial stance, nevertheless he did have strings he could pull and recommended a legal advisor to pen communications in Richardson's name to begin this 'last man standing' contest. De Vere stated his take in a paternalistic tone. "You see, we're living in an ever-increasingly changing atmosphere. It used to be just oxygen and nitrogen, now we also have litigation tagged on to every breath. The country across the pond which fuelled this change has by far the most cunning legal profession to harvest the spoils. Also, they've realised that there is an alternative growing market for overturning such stupidity. They initially collected pay-outs by invoking legal judgements to warp long-accepted laws, but now in an about turn they are proposing arguments to head off absolute legal meltdown. The problem over here lies with the judiciary, and new guidelines have to be forged. This would be complicated by any further binding agreements with the EU."

De Vere gave IR the contact details for Buckmananov Detroit, a scavenger descended from a long line of racoons, which were native to his homeland as far back as records were available. He was simply the best.

***

Heads of steam were building on all fronts and as yet Richardson was blissfully unaware of the seminar to which he was to be invited. Horace Hoarsescheit convened an exploratory discussion with his cohorts to repay Hedinsand with a little interest. They all felt let down by the Education Minister's volte-face on EU. The Cabinet was really split on whether they should finally concede to the referendum which had been promised. The PM had dressed up the next episode of cowardly surrender to the EU as a rigorously modified treaty, which in his view didn't pose the same risk of capitulation as opting out of national self-determination. This, he stressed to all dissenting ministers, would avoid the need to keep the pledge of a referendum, without losing face. He stressed that what they should all really be concerned with was the capability of the electorate to weigh up all of the considerable complexities, with sufficient detachment from their parochial little domains.

This bullying didn't really address how detached the ministers could afford to be from their grubby careers. Such paradoxes inevitably involved a gamble by all parties, with a sprinkling of brinkmanship, or the watered down bluff technique, or even the odd ritualistic sacrificial lamb. In algebraic terms, if there are more ministers who are petrified at loss of status than the square of those who pretend rebellion, minus the ones who have a 'folding quotient' there could be bloodletting.

The PM would have leverage to isolate those who have been deemed not worthy of survival, a Cabinet reshuffle. Whisperings only served to hint at one way streets (Cabinet speak for career culs de sac), but nevertheless could be a useful distraction tactic. If however, the Pompous Maximus was to be honourably defeated, promises must not only be made to the hoverers, but they had to be backed up with emergency parachute strategies. One such mitigating surprise is the prospect of voting for the Numero Uno, only to find he is now suddenly lower in the powerbroker pecking order. Ergo, certain individuals from both sides will be afflicted with parachutes which do not open.

Being aware of all this is a given, engaging in manipulating it is treacherous, steering it requires infinitely better odds than a blackjack bank, timing the final push is crucial, a swift domino cascade of the fallen is mandatory, but only if all checkpoints are reliable. Any internal turmoil caused by possible accusation of betrayal has to be utterly deniable and thoroughly rehearsed. An intense examination of one's principles, in that split second available to assess the genuine 'ayes and nays,' may well test sphincter efficiency to the limit. Finally, the overt truth as to which Cabinet members were 'fibbing' becomes apparent. Abstention is an even more dangerous option.

***

Thus the dual need for Horace to sculpture this round of Russian roulette and orchestrate the fate of unexplainable fall from grace for Hedinsand was a stimulating challenge, as only one part of it was to be transparent to his co-conspirators.

The first step. He chuckled to himself, well aware that the more obvious the conspiracy, the more likely it would be dismissed as a gross oversimplification of the factors at play. He decided on a gradual disinformation campaign on Hedinsand's handling of IR, the seed of which could be scattered at the seminar in the presence of other local councillors. He would oversee a controlled release of rumours by ministers in high office that even the PM, normally above such blatantly judgemental body language, could not hide a discernable antipathy in Trenchy's presence.

The seminar was a perfect platform because Hedinsand had suggested it. Will Standin-Line (Wishbone to only his closest friends), was a no compromise character. He would never surrender his right to change polarity if a new study (by anonymous researchers), suggested modification of the hypothesis under scrutiny. However, he never extended credibility of such unprincipled shifting of the feet to those of perceived lower moral fibre than himself. Horace was banking on this.

Strange that, isn't it! Wishbone needed absolutely no encouragement to attack Trenchy. Bombortwo could wait, he was obsessed with structure, technology, deployment of stratagem, and chain of command. In Wishbone's view an intellectual microbe, undeserving of depleting his arsenal of dry powder. Regardless of priorities, who was to be first was not the burning question, how was everything.

Horace was finally ready and feigned humility when he asked if Sean Bombortwo could take on the reconnaissance mission of the Cabinet members, and report back on how the algebra was panning out, together with recommendations for any diplomatic winning of hearts and minds. Wishbone nodded enthusiastically and leapt into leadership mode (a potentially premature move come the inevitable day of reckoning), by demanding that Trenchy's abandonment of the EU pledge should be leaked to his own constituents through the local council.

"How and where would we do that?" hissed Horace, already ahead of Wishbone.

"Aren't you charged with organising a seminar or something at his request?"

Horace summoned bemusement for five seconds and chuckled once more. "Of course, that's right, I had forgotten all about that in my anger over his defection. Great idea Wishbone, can I leave that in your hands then, as I will be flat out in the seminar with such a collection of dullards?"

"Delighted old chap, leave him to me."

Having etched the overall plan with the two narcissists, Horace decided he would now only communicate with them one-on-one. As the meeting broke up he called Wishbone to one side and suggested he might combine the wrecking of Hedinsand with sympathy for IR, acknowledging the courage of the 'little guy.' The Health Minister was uncomfortable with this, as IR had subsequently challenged his own authority via his pronouncements on Memphis Chloe's medication policy.

"But that is not to be interpreted as a direct impact on you, it is a swipe at 'NOSONICE,' (North and South Nebulous Inference of Clinical Evaluation). And, as you have said on many occasions, you are unhappy with its Chief Executive thriving on its clumsy matrix management fiasco. This could provide a perfect example of fuzzy structure causing unwieldy policy, an opportunity to clear this up by direct command should not be missed. After all, it isn't you who rocked the boat or set out that absurd policy in the first place, and a little sympathy with this Richardson would be a small price to pay for such a reward. The collateral payoff would be high profile popularity, quite worrying for the PM, who is already going to be livid with the leaks on Trenchy."

Wishbone's head was a crossroads of four lane traffic with no road signs, but the potential pile up was dominated by the potency of a power struggle in which he felt he had so many allies.

"Well yes, I er well, had considered this myself of course, but the way you've put it makes me realise I have a duty to challenge some of the recent edicts we have had to swallow. Furthermore, I would merely be passing responsible concerns to the highest office, in advance of my calming of the waters by prudent but decisive action. Thank you Horace for reminding me of the team ethic that is essential to our democratic pledge."

Job done.

# Chapter 18

Wimp Fargo only saw the part of the iceberg above the waterline, and even that did not sit comfortably. Homeland Security had racked up a very sad reputation during his tenure. Disillusioned citizens, councillors, and ministers all perceived a situation which was difficult to halt, never mind turn around. It was an office weighed down with too many areas of responsibility for a head honcho obsessed with his own retirement. Crime/police, border control, detention service, and terrorist surveillance/ neutralisation were the main ones. How it related to the justice system was obscure at best, and unfortunately for him, this was the strong suit of Buckmananov Detroit, the bit under the water, the legal bird of prey endorsed by Tarquin De Vere.

The racoon had outlined to IR his recommendation for calling the incarceration of Mr Pinstripe into question. The plan was relatively simple. His experience of getting settlements on silly claims was actually aided by the 'Wallies in the Wigs.' These guys had been systematically conditioned to consider aspects of human rights in splendid isolation from the context of the real world. Not the world defined by governments, but the one defined by the delicate balance of order and anarchy. He cited examples of members of the armed forces, who had lost limbs defending their country, being offered a pittance for their loss, compared with an office worker being awarded a fortune because alleged sex discrimination had ruined their life. He further stated that in a society which gives more weight to being personally offended than sustaining terrible real life impact, the inbuilt danger was obviously waking up in the morning and then deciding what you would be offended by today - criticism of your attire, having an ugly boss, having to listen to the views of an atheist? An almighty paradox looms in the form of the reconciliation of free speech with human rights.

Turning specifically to Pinstripe, he said they needed precedent, because the Wallies were obsessed with it, no matter that it may even be more ludicrous than the current, approved judgement criteria. Precedent was almost unimpeachable.

One might ask whether the Wallies ever did or ever will suffer any direct call to account regarding the effects of what they hand down. We can only conclude it is as likely as a water breather taking a vacation on the moon.

Having trawled the legal net, Buckmananov Detroit came across a case where an elderly goat had taken public transport, and being reminded of the frequent incidence of mugging, he took his swordstick, in case he was attacked. He was, and four young ferrets surrounded him, threatened him, and his refusal to surrender his possessions resulted in physical violence from them. He defended himself by brandishing his swordstick and cut one of them, so they all fled. Although there were many witnesses, none offered to help him because they were afraid of the ferrets. Subsequently, the ferrets were charged with affray, but the goat was hit with intended aggravated assault which could have caused serious bodily harm. The case hinged on the goat making a premeditated decision to take his swordstick that morning.

Enter the Wallies - case proven. The goat was sent down, the ferrets - chastised, and given a suspended sentence, having promised to be more considerate in future. Now, not only had Pinstripe's intruder made a conscious decision to break into a domain not owned by himself, and not invited by the legal owner, he had compounded this by taking a lethal weapon with him. Furthermore, the aspect of defining unreasonable force carries a grave risk to the owner, if he dwells on a decision to defend himself in any way. He is already off-guard having just been awakened by the intrusion, and instantly faced with a serious threat. Failure to act could easily cost him his life, especially if he could identify the intruder.

"You can be sure the Wallies will go with the precedent, anything else would make their clan subject to external accountability - what could be worse?"

IR thanked Detroit and sent the guts of his advice on to Wimp Fargo, penned in the language of an appeal case proposal, to be activated unless Fargo could look into this himself. The appeal would be privately funded, not involving the Council. Wimp shuddered as he read the document, this was so unfair with only six months to his retirement - and yet the perspective to encompass Pinstripe's outrageous treatment did not even enter his head. He simply attempted to close ranks with his colleagues, or would that be the other way round?

Mmmm, he really was staring into the jaws of oblivion if he had to count on those sycophants. How could he snatch detachment from the misuse of policy, whilst being seen to uphold most of the principles of policy? Escapology was not his strongest attribute, neither were integrity, calmness under fire, and interpretation of the big picture with its labyrinthine requirement to muster reliable allies. In short he was doomed, because although these talents were not his forte he didn't quite grasp that fact, nor did he appreciate that such expertise either existed or it didn't, there wasn't a 'degree of competence' to which one could aspire. What he did understand was the scent of blood and its reliable attraction of vultures with all manner of appetites. Resistance was futile, there was only one way out, he could only rely on the PM for support, and anyway had not Wishbone said that he had no intention of keeping IR's two complaints from the Cabinet? Well then, he would go one better and get in first. He had no reason to suspect Wishbone's declaration as a bluff, let alone a trap, and this was without knowing of the Health Minister's new found sympathy for IR. Suicide is bad enough when it is intended. The PM completely 'understood' his awkward situation and was 'glad' he had come to him direct with this mess. He would give it serious thought and asked Wimp if he had discussed this with anyone else other than Wishbone, er, Minister Standin-Line. When he heard the reply he wanted to hear, "Certainly not PM," Wimp's fate was sealed.

In a matter of hours the net was cast to produce possible successors on a need to know basis, but wide enough to alert everyone but the victim of his impending demise. The media (including Sniffy) were to be in the loop via sources who were experts in 'straw man' politics, to ensure distance for the PM, and also make 'the king is dead, long live the king' farce look like an open opportunity for yet another candidate, who needed to be ushered toward either grooming for destiny or political obscurity. This also had the advantage of portraying the PM as an action-oriented strong leader, who despite the prospect of losing a respected colleague so close to his retirement, saw it as his solemn duty to act on behalf of the citizens, to cement their confidence that this government shirks no task which prejudices our moral responsibility.

Poor Wimp, in his exploding fear he forgot that there are some things the PM must not know, until it is safe for him to know them. Only the timing of his departure was to be contemplated. He would not be told until he had accreted the maximum culpability for as many contentious failures as possible. Every department needs to be tidied up once in a while, just as a car needs to be serviced at regular intervals. Even if the car is running well it's an opportunity to extract more from the customer.

***

Improbable Richardson had yet to realise the extent of the political momentum released by striking the cue ball so early in his new remit. Going in off the red was the least of the consequences. Many possible outcomes were set in motion. The reader may be by now reeling from meeting so many characters in such a short time, but at least they can take heart from the fact that there are just a few main protagonists, not an excess of supporting actors, mostly bit-part contributors in the cast, a few cameos, and hordes of extras. It's just as well that there is a 'dramatis personae' at the end of the book which places the characters into these categories. No point in retaining useless information.

At least this shows exactly what our senior politicians have to deal with on our behalf. These selfless individuals are a rare breed. Whereas we mere mortals only have to be concerned on a daily basis with a few planets orbiting the sun, the stalwarts of Westminster must know everything about every rock in the asteroid belt!

# Chapter 19

De Vere was feverishly listening to the contact he had been given on computer technology, by his fixer Verily Knot. This diminutive vole, Bios Derailleur, was employed by the Ministry of Intelligence and was considered to be the best in his field. He was a genius in burrowing into, infecting, or merely monitoring citizens' computer activities. Even more so in setting up invasive, undetectable links to corporate systems, but only if it was strictly warranted!!!

He had paid a visit to the Old Oak and when Enoch appeared he was introduced as Tarquin De Vere's personal assistant. De Vere offered to ask Derailleur to wait outside if the Owl was uncomfortable, but this was declined in view of the help he had given IR with the legal contact. After a short review with Enoch on his offer to further assist IR's cause on the TV debate episode 2, he signed off and sat down with the vole. Bios Derailleur disclosed his opinion.

"This is a remotely operated two-way web cam, linked most probably to a laptop. It's clever only insofar as the lip sync is near perfect, between the image we see and the voice distortion unit, so that the operator can converse without any time delay. The image of the Owl is likely to have been computer generated remotely, but linked as a slave projection of the original, housed inside this façade where we log-in. This means there are some backward integrated software protocols in the pub unit so that it functions as user initiated boot up. This however does not explain how the operator is always available at the time we log-in. If we can figure this out it should be a simple task to infect the system to render it inoperative. It then becomes only slightly more complicated to upload all conversations to your own system, located reasonably close to this unit. Which do you like best, the virus or the spy-iris, or do you want both?"

Tarquin preferred to have the latter for now, the sabotage could wait. "How long do you think it will take you to explain the constant availability of the operator?"

The vole said he didn't know, but it was still possible to configure sophisticated spyware to perform constant monitoring, whereas if a virus were introduced before discovering the operator's secret, it would be lost. He said he would start working on a programme that was an attachment to successful log-in and once that was embedded in the unit a second log-in would be accompanied by the monitoring programme. It was necessary to do this in two steps to see which, if any, anti-spyware existed in the unit. If this was the case, a one-step operation could lead to the monitoring software being detected. Better safe than sorry.

"One last point Mr De Vere, on second thought the assumption that the operator must be close at hand is not necessarily valid. If the internal set up of this unit is hardwired rather than wireless, it only needs a DSL connection for the operator to be anywhere in the world. So, we must scan the pub unit from multiple angles to determine whether this is how it is configured, therefore I will arrange for a scanner to be loaned to you, if your contact can obtain the authorisation. It's a hand-held unit, and could even be operated from inside your pocket."

"Capital my good citizen," bellowed De Vere, "this has been most useful, but you haven't asked me why I want to do this."

"Absolutely, in my line of work it is preferable, if not essential, to confine my knowledge to how rather than why, I am sure you appreciate that."

De Vere trooped off feeling really 'chuffed' with his progress. Yet he mused, 'why do experts always look for a complicated explanation?' To be charitable Derailleur was at least partly correct.

***

Richardson had received the call for his presence to attend the seminar. "Pity," he said to the Owl, "it clashes with the TV debate."

"Delay the debate, you have rattled so many egos, you could do with a little breathing space to see how they pan out. They cannot have the debate without you, and you would be well advised to evaluate exactly what kind of castration they have planned for you at the seminar."

"That bad," queried IR, "I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet some of my fellow local councillors to share views, explore problems, and maybe even draw up joint objectives."

"I can't see you having much time alone with contemporaries. You are there to undergo cleansing of your maverick tendency. Of course it will feel like puffing a joint to you, but you must demonstrate understanding of the complexity of central function, and implied future tolerance of it on your part, without being vulnerable to any quotes of that nature. You must not let their narcotic perseverance lower your guard. It will test you in a way you do not perceive as a test. Now, we have another problem which needs urgent attention."

"Oh, what is....?"

"We have a potential conspiracy." He told IR about De Vere's plot.

"How did you find out about this?"

"It is better you do not know that right now, then you cannot be open to entrapment, I want to modify the log-in to include a part which only you could possibly input. When the prompt reappears please type in the normal code and then the second stage will ask you to type in your mother's maiden name."

Richardson did as requested and the letters were entered as 'Gita Clarke.' The Owl reappeared wearing a curious expression which was caused by him wondering if IR's appetite for pushing frontiers was possibly an inherited trait.

Before IR left for the seminar he had many appointments, one of them with Enrico and an acquaintance called Malcolm X or something.

***

When they turned up Richardson had been quizzing Mosey, on which technique he would advise in order to make sure he followed Enoch's advice on avoiding several possible pitfalls at the seminar. Introductions were brief and Enrico gave the floor to Malcolm G. He started by telling IR how he didn't take much interest in politics because it was mostly hot air and bickering, but he couldn't help being impressed by how Richardson had saved the Hospice against all odds. "It ain't too often we see a little guy take on the big shots, let alone beat them. I also hear that you are trying to help Pinstripe. Now that really interests me, taking a stand against such aggression by criminals when they are usually rewarded by the dumb law, decreeing them as the victim. There aren't many things which make my blood boil but this sure is one of them. I may be able to help in a small way."

IR responded by modestly explaining his view that if no citizen was prepared to sacrifice their own future to do the right things for the electorate, we would have no future as a community. This wasn't a big deal, but a minimum requirement, so he would continue to follow that instinct until he failed or lost his ability to wield any influence.

"Anyway how do you think you may help?"

"Well, when I'm not in Enrico's you can usually find me at The Bragging Joint - please don't get the wrong idea, I go there for the warmth not the social contact. Having been a regular for some years I guess I ain't seen as a risk to the law-breakers who frequent the place to discuss their next hits. Of course if I was to be sussed as a grass, I would have to call time on any conduit activity. There are some real nasty dudes frequenting the Joint."

IR was pensive, then said he didn't want Malcolm G to be placed in danger. However, no counter-action was likely to succeed without risk to someone, so as it was a voluntary gesture he would welcome anything which would assist the campaign to help Pinstripe.

Mal G quipped that he had no money to donate so this was his way of saying 'Go Councillor and Go Pinstripe.'

He asked if he could be furnished with a recording device which could be concealed on his person when in use. IR said he would arrange for one to be passed to Enrico.

# Chapter 20

When IR and Mosey were alone again, Barracuda stressed that this upcoming seminar was dangerous. "As you have thrust public opinion in their face on several fronts, they will be divided on how to handle you. Depending on how higher level politics are unfolding, you will be considered as a pawn to gain leverage, or a thorn to be extracted and publicly incinerated. You should also watch out for a third, seemingly flattering offensive, one which maintains that you are destined for higher office. Try to have as many conversations in the presence of your counterparts from other regions as possible, and avoid one-on-one tittle-tattle with the big hitters as much as you can. I must say my young friend that I did not expect you to have got this far on such a mission, and you seem remarkably blasé for someone so high on their most wanted list. Good Luck."

***

De Vere was out of breath as he neared the pub, his mischief had made him temporarily forget he was not really up to running. He was poised to enter the pernicious code via log-in when to his absolute astonishment the screen delivered a flashing message in red, saying that due to security concerns, entry protocols had been upgraded. It further stated that if the user didn't have second tier access password(s) they should put their name on a list held by Collie, and the Management would get back to them. It apologised for the temporary inconvenience and looked forward to seeing them in future. Tarquin's now purple-hued skin was noticed by The Old Speckled Hen and she alerted Collie, who dashed over with a double scotch, and administered it very adroitly.

"What the hell is going on with the Holo-matrix?"

"Don't worry sir, it is just offline for a day or so until the new security upgrade is complete. Here, drink the rest of this, it's on the house. Do you wish me to put your name on the list?"

"Well, yes of course, and thank you Collie for the stiffener, but how were you informed of this change?"

"The screen just came on abruptly, accompanied by a siren type noise, nearly shit myself, if you'll excuse the expression sir. When I approached the machine it flashed the message you have just read, then the Owl appeared and asked me politely to keep a list of those who wanted to be given the new passwords, then they would scrutinise the list, and those considered to be clear of risk after vetting would receive the new data."

"Who are they?"

"Dunno sir, a bit over the top though if you ask me."

"So you have the new passwords to be released after the vetting?"

"Oh no sir. I never use the thing, not interested. However, the Owl did ask me to apologise to you personally if you came back. He said the scrutiny part was not necessary for you, but the machine would still be down to complete the re-programming. He assumed you would want the new passwords, so unless that is not the case you will get your entry data via secure channels, you don't need to do anything. Can I take it that you do want your access to continue?"

"Well that is a little more reassuring," beamed De Vere, feeling as important as he felt he needed to feel, "I appreciate Enoch's candour, and I can see that these steps are necessary. Can't be too careful, must keep the riff-raff under control. Another scotch would be in order, won't you join me bardog?"

"That I will sir, just pleased you are recovered from your nasty turn."

***

As IR entered the reception area he felt the glare of attention from the other local delegates, the staff, and of course the organisers of the seminar. They all seemed to be in suspended animation as he signed in. It was more than a little glitzy compared to his usual surroundings. Technology seemed to protrude from every available space, the carpets were a kaleidoscope of synthetic fibres, generating static and visual disorientation. Aircraft style floor lights illustrated the nearest fire exit and gigantic vending machines offered scented teas or truffle consommé.

"Welcome Richardson," beamed Horace, offering a slimy handshake, "we have heard a lot about you in a short time, and we look forward to giving you and your fellow local officers more tools to carry on the good work. Anyway, more of that later, let us get everyone introduced."

After the formalities Horace kicked off proceedings by a fanfare outlining the need for cohesion, and who better to deliver the detailed sermon than Hedinsand.

Trenchy, still impassioned from his encounter with IR, bleated on interminably about feral councillors failing to comprehend the need for a chain of command and loyalty. Once he had really lost the audience big time, Horace abruptly intervened and asked the attendees for their patience, promising that the practical modules of the course would be a little more constructive than the call to arms of the keynote speech. He then feigned admission that there was a strong commonality in the party message and the practical mechanisms.

The seminar was to promote trust and a situation in which no one should feel alone in their struggle to help govern the locality and the country. It could be likened to an order of missionaries. The seminar was also being video recorded. Hedinsand immediately regretted his emotional opportunism, but was unaware that, from the first coffee break onwards, the entire gathering knew of his recent underhand behaviour and the mobile networks ensured that all the Sniffys in the land had brokered their deals with the media. By morning, the rumour mill had also cast Wimp Fargo as a snowball trying to survive a slalom through molten lava.

***

Hedinsand was summoned to HQ along with Standin-Line and Bombortwo. Horace completed the seminar and felt that the more compliant party loyalists had been reinforced, but others remained neutral, and worse still IR had galvanised support without really doing anything. He would have to give this more dedicated contemplation.

The report that Bombortwo had given Horace indicated that the algebra strongly suggested the PM was not exactly rock solid over the EU. Even those who voted with him were uneasy, troubled, and prepared to listen. It was characterised as a pile of sticks precariously balanced and highly dependent on just a few of them remaining unaltered to preserve the illusion of stability.

Horace rang the PM prior to the arrival of the others to declare the seminar was a success, in spite of Hedinsand's outrageous attack on the foot soldiers. He let slip that the videotape of this was with Standin-Line. He forewarned the PM about growing suspicion of impending leaks to the media, and was at a loss to know how this had happened. He claimed it would have been better to have avoided Tenchy's idea altogether in his own judgement, and he wished he had aired his misgivings at the time it was suggested, but he had no way of knowing how vitriolic the Minister of Education would be in such a 'public' group.

When the PM asked for his recommendation, Horace asked if the situation vacant at Homeland Security had been filled. The response was confusing in that it was a 'potential' vacancy, and as such, candidates would only be assessed if rumour was to confirm that a change was expected. Horace made it clear that it might be prudent to encourage someone to express interest in a potential vacancy, a person who had no potential to succeed in filling it. When the potential vacancy was actual, the preferred candidate would come forward and take office, vacating their previous post, thus creating a space for an 'allied' candidate to occupy. This musical chairs charade would mitigate at least some of the immense disappointment of the 'allied' candidate.

The PM said he was pretty sure he knew what Horace meant, and the reptilian pounced immediately, further suggesting that the PM confer with Standin-Line and Bombortwo on this before openly challenging Hedinsand, knowing that they would both deliver the Brutus judgement.

In a proverbial whirlwind Hedinsand was the new Coordinating Consultant Designate for an EU Think-Tank Conception Study. One crucial stick removed from the pile and one Wimp retired.

# Chapter 21

Enrico tracked down De Vere in the village square, feverishly consuming a Havana and cursing under his breath that even the high and mighty had to conform to the indoor smoking ban. To be fair however, it did ensure he got some fresh air. The old square was a real focal point and displayed a mixture of architectural styles, which reminded visitors that there was more to life than constantly jockeying for an advantage over fellow citizens. The imposing buildings had each taken several decades to complete and consequently reflected a permanence which grated with the disposable society in which we now dwell. This aura was completely lost on Tarquin.

"Mr T. De Vere?"

"Who wants to know?" Funny how such a smart reply always means yes!!

"I'm Enrico Silenzio, I have some secure information for you."

"Ah yes my good man, go ahead, I'm De Vere."

"Do you have any identification sir?"

"Yes, of course," said Tarquin, flashing his party membership card with photo, "will this suffice?"

"Absolutely sir, here you are."

De Vere headed for the pub armed with the new code and switched on the scanner. He entered stage one of the log-in with a remote keyboard and this employed a check for anti-spy ware systems....... 'No malware found' came up on the tiny screen, confirming the scan, so he entered the secret data given to him by Bios Derailleur on the mini-keyboard. The message shot off to Derailleur, who despatched a surveillance programme to Tarquin's palmtop. De Vere transferred this to the mini-keyboard and input the new second stage data, coded as 'operation Icarus,' and magically the owl appeared.

"Ah, you received the new log-in data safely, now what can I do for you?"

The Owl's new secure programme then immediately modified the internal software to appear as if the Holo-matrix was running normally. The clever part allowed Enoch's image to continue with genuine live feed or alternatively switch the hacker to harmless archive footage, with a single keystroke.

De Vere displayed a boyish facial expression, hoping it would disguise his (and Derailleur's) skulduggery, then proceeded to inform Enoch of his success in getting the H.U.F.F. candidate on board for the forthcoming debate. He said he had also heard rumours of earth tremors at central HQ but had no detail. He would report back. The Owl thanked him and asked him to log out with the same input code as part of the new security controls.

***

The new Minister for Homeland Security contacted IR to introduce himself and report that this was a listening government. The case of Pinstripe was to be given further scrutiny, and depending on talks with the WWW (Wallies with wigs), maybe some review could be arranged. IR thanked him and said that the campaign legal funding was extraordinarily strong, and the approach of quoting 'precedent' had already caused murmurings amongst the judiciary. "Silly to get overexcited at this stage but we may indeed benefit from your help."

The picture IR had of the face to fit the voice, was completely inaccurate. The Minister's office walls were plastered with photographs of everyone he had met who fulfilled the criterion of impressing others. He was surrounded at his desk by gadgets which didn't seem to have an obvious purpose or indeed any at all. There was a humongous glass fronted medal Cabinet parading his achievements as a toddler, the pinnacle of which was completion of a one thousand piece jigsaw of a polar bear blending into the arctic wastes. Amongst this chaos was an incongruous set of markings on the beautiful antique floor, indicating where visitors must place their chairs. Dimiscus Fungi, a beaver with a genetic propensity for gathering twigs well in excess of requirement for the intended dam, also suffered from a tendency to be insulted by anything other than drooling admiration. Not a good start then.

***

True to his word Standin-Line had effused sympathy for IR at the seminar, and now backed it up by writing a memo pledging an enquiry into the NOSONICE doctrine. Particular attention would be centred on the signatures involved in the medication refusal for Memphis Chloe. He was treating this as a preliminary foray, but expected rigorous examination of the moral balance involved. Richardson reported this to the Owl, via Mosey and they all expressed relief at the apparent lack of assassination attempts on his position so far. Mosey said that Enoch had asked him to acquaint IR with the De Vere plot progress, and inform him that there may be a requirement for 'red herring' sessions.

***

Sniffy had advised the local media to leave room for further speculation in reporting on the demise of Wimp Fargo and the subsequent appointment of Dimiscus Fungi. As the new position of Hedinsand had not been made public so far, Sniffy's instinct that two plus two can equal three or five as well as four, proved correct again. His advice was taken and the headline read – 'a source close to central command has not denied the possibility of a further Cabinet shake-up, watch this space.'

The upcoming vacancy for Minister of Education troubled the PM, not least of all because he had lost two votes (Wimp Fargo and Trenchy Hedinsand) on the duplicitous EU ratification.

Having discovered that Dimiscus Fungi was a closet anti-EU activist, he suffered palpitations. So, how had he not seen this coming? Others of course had not only seen this coming, they had fostered it. The harder battle for Horace however was now at hand, the need to promote yet another such 'rebel' to the Education post. The PM was on orange nervous breakdown alert. It is appropriate for us to consider, and maybe even sympathise with the dilemma of the Pompous Maximus.

***

To the PM, Pontius Schmuck, legacy and destiny meant the same thing, and in that cause thought he had a wonderful attribute, that being a constant reminder of the need for ruthless prioritisation. Short term waxing and waning could be adapted to project flexibility, while maintaining adhesion to the grail of his very own yellow brick road. However, his rather overt cunning was no match for Horace, whom he considered to be incorruptible. Horace was genuinely opposed to becoming a leader and this tended to skew the PM's faith in him. It never occurred to Pontius Schmuck that Horace would always be the Kingmaker, and thus survive the King repeatedly, while exercising considerable power, underpinned by negligible risk.

***

Horace feigned real concern to the PM when Pontius Schmuck touted an EU compliant rising star to fill the vacant post of Minister of Education. Horace shuddered with horror at the prospect of bringing another new face into a senior post at this time.

"It could be seen as a panic measure. Perhaps a temporary sideways move for one of your most loyal people would negate any rumblings of low confidence in the administration. The issue with this upstart councillor also has to be dealt with, and it's not a good baptism for a rookie, especially if they fail to defuse the public support for the mutineer. I believe we must entrust this office to a heavyweight we can rely upon, at least for now."

After bandying names about it was concluded that Sean A. Bombortwo offered the best balance of charisma, oratory, pragmatism, but most importantly he always stayed with the script. Yet he was malleable in Cabinet terms. He had done a sterling job in defence, which had seen progressively lower funding. He had successfully overseen an abandonment of our capability to defend our shores, while simultaneously directing futile campaigns in distant territories, without attracting too much criticism that we were interfering with other sovereign states. Another triumph had been the feat of keeping the wheels turning for that day when they, the armed forces, would become obsolete. The savings would be almost inestimable.

The final accolade was simply based on the fact that Bombortwo had no interest whatsoever in Education, and this was a proven way of limiting ambition of those in office, as well as those on the receiving end of policy under scrutiny - a perfect political bleach.

***

Hearing this, Pontius Schmuck was squirming but could not ignore the argument from none other than Horace, his selfless bodyguard. Horace played the legacy card immaculately.

"We can't rely upon you being here indefinitely PM. The party could lose the next election, or you could be brought down by unscrupulous individuals. Ergo the temporary appointment of Bombortwo, a dinosaur if ever there was one! Your place in history must not be blighted by such trivial trough-feeding." Pontius Schmuck knew that he thought he knew it made sense. Horace left him in mental stasis, and reported back to Will Standin-Line. He quickly stated that the current Defence Minister, Bombortwo, must be told that this decision was Schmuck's alone. Sean Bombortwo had to be convinced to take on Minister of Education voluntarily, out of a sense of duty, not to feel he was usurping anyone's future.

Deep down, Bombortwo wasn't happy at all about the prospect of educating civilians, but Pontius gave an Oscar winning performance, filled with emotion and he plumbed the depths of his subordinate's loyalty, culminating in a 'hugshake' and a whisper of his absolute need to count on those few colleagues he could trust implicitly. Sean trailed back to clear his desk and wearily broke the bad news to Horace, who was 'astonished' and expressed his concern that the PM was under great strain, based on certain assumptions that his daily intake of anti-depressants was an early warning of loss of confidence in himself. This of course was a worry for the party, especially as it must not gain wider exposure. Sean nodded solemnly and actually felt better about his own plight.

# Chapter 22

Otto was considering the debate in the form of a second semi-final, and to that end he had to help Richardson as much as possible. He called on Sniffy, acting as a broker to such a cause, and found a surprisingly positive response. The badger explained how he had already agreed with the Owl that there were certain parameters of mutual benefit.

"The Owl, I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, I know of no Owl on the Council."

"Not the Council, at the pub, just go there and the bardog will explain, but apparently there's a new security system involved, anyway just give him your name and you'll be vetted. The Owl seems to have a great influence on IR and that includes whose help he will accept."

"Ok, I'll get back to you when I'm an accredited ally."

When he had been briefed by Collie, Otto asked when he could expect a decision. Then, a strange occurrence - the bardog logged in himself, a first by all reckoning. The Owl was just about to admonish him when Collie got in first.

"There's a special request Mr Owl, which I believe might be a code omega."

"Oh I understand, well let me see, what brings you to our domain Mr......?"

Otto all but fainted, he'd been a junior member of the party at the height of Enoch's career. He nervously asked for time to pull himself together and the Owl suggested he should have a stiff drink. In the confusion he authorised Collie to give Otto his own secure log-in.

***

IR had somehow managed to plough through most of the History of The World despite his busy few days. He was talking to himself, and he actually managed to convince himself that most ideas which were profound were pretty obvious once they were exposed. The reverse, he felt, didn't apply. He was struggling with this because he didn't want to claim to have 'discovered' such a fundamental gem of logic, if it was already common knowledge. Certainly his theory was simple. Even prior to real civilisation, battles and escalation to wars were fought primarily for gain in territory, material benefit, technology as it existed, and subjugation of others. Sophistication was gradually added as civilisation progressed, and although some conflicts involved sacrificial offerings to the gods, the scale of such beliefs was limited by terrain and the rate of technological development. When considering the advent of monotheism, and a God who isn't only omnipotent, but purported to be loving, forgiving, and didn't require any tribute or minimum status from worshipers, IR felt this was a turning point in the justification of warfare. With the rapid advance of technology and so-called enlightened civilisation, there was a gradual overlay of religious belief emerging which would overtake the simple, less acceptable reasons for genocide. Indeed the religious hierarchies were not only to become the richest organisations, but the most ruthless in eliminating what they considered heretical tendency. It threatened their power, which was the real objective, to keep the proles in check. The more localised squabbles would continue within the various religious empires, but these were more akin to tremors and floods than significant tectonic changes. IR's point was that most of the planet was now 'settled' in its religious geography but globalisation had grown like a tumour on the carcass of religious extremism, and this trend is actually exacerbated by the current exponential acceleration of technology. The safety net of planetary size is now redundant. Globalisation hasn't only brought electronic real time to everything, but spread viruses extremely efficiently. Even species not indigenous to a continent hitherto, are thriving, and upsetting the balance. When the rate of destruction of natural resources is factored in, there can be no alternative to a reversion of conflict being driven by relative future deprivation of perceived necessities in these juggernaut religious cultures. This perception, he thought, is critical, as demonstrated by recent definitions such as asymmetric war. One religious culture views it as terrorism, the other as balance. What IR thought might be profound, was that this situation was inevitable, purely from studying history as a rigid chronological trend analysis. Any citizen was capable of the simplest extrapolation. The confirmatory claim he was mentally digesting was that there isn't a solution as narrowly defined in learned institutions, only a process of confronting the chasm of differences in the fundamental raison d'etre of the jarring religions. If life on this mortal plane is considered as a practice match for the real thing by one religarchy (his new word), and a mission to enhance one's civil rights by the other, a collision is pretty well guaranteed. Further evidence can be noted in some religious domains, of atrocities inflicted on its own citizens, while another is so obsessed with civil rights that it becomes blind to the march of anarchy, and is actually laying out the welcome mat of infiltration by overtly covert means, yes, overtly covert means. The result of these diametrically opposed objectives is the same - citizens will be persecuted. It cannot be a coincidence that none of these religarchies would ever countenance the election of a leader who is a proclaimed atheist. This is true of the citizens as well as the movers and shakers. It is also about the only thing they have in common from a cultural standpoint. So why does religion need to be seen as independent from government when it patently shapes how other governments are judged? That so many citizens were prepared to allow so much global misery, justified on all sides by one god or another, was frightening, especially when these revered entities apparently didn't demand it, or condone it, or prevent it. Is not the basis for believing enshrined in hope, in this world or the next? Hope is not a commodity which exists naturally, it has to be forged.

IR summarised all of this swimming cerebral plankton to conclude that terrorism is the staple diet offered by religarchies to their citizens to maintain hope. Hope funds power, the real objective, remember? It matters not how we define terrorism, as only the methods differ, the result is the same. His hope became his despair. Despair that terrorism wouldn't be brought to heel politically, but only by a catastrophic situation (e.g. a predicted asteroid impact), requiring religarchies to truly find a common enemy.

This fanciful distraction allowed him to delete terrorism from his 'to do' list, leaving it up to one god or another to arrange the event horizon.

Just as well he had already been restored to good old planetary gravity, as Placidus entered and said Echo would like to make an appointment as soon as possible. It was bound to be another torch to carry, so Richardson suggested the following morning. Besides, IR had to reply officially to the new Homeland Security Minister with the thrust of Buckmananov Detroit's detailed legal precedent, and add his own emerging view of the total lack of justice for victims.

# Chapter 23

Pontius Schmuck desperately wanted to ensure the new Defence Minister (Sean Bombortwo's successor) was his own man, yet was worried about alienating some members of his Cabinet, especially now that the balance had shifted so much. He was forced to admit to himself that he must consult. Horace had to be first, but surprisingly the reptilian confessed to not being the most informed source on defence matters, and recommended Wishbone (already prepped to plunge one of the daggers) to come up with a shortlist of promising candidates. Horace exquisitely bullied the PM to authorise an urgent, exhaustive search.

Schmuck privately recoiled at this and said, "What an excellent idea!"

"Shall I leave it to you to contact him PM?"

"Er, yes, thank you again Horace."

Standin-Line picked up the phone and greeted Horace, who informed him of the content of his discussion with the boss, and hence the impending call from Pontius, but the Minister of Health said he was far too busy at present, not least of all in bringing NOSONICE into line.

"Yes, I can sympathise," hissed Horace, "however you surely want the timing of that to demonstrate decisiveness at precisely the moment the PM appears at his weakest?"

'Tell me more' was pin-balling around Standin-Line's synaptic junctions as he replied, "Of course, when would you anticipate that scenario to flower?"

"Depends entirely on your image management Wishbone, it's you that has to be ready."

"You surely can't be saying what I think you are saying?"

"That depends on what you think I'm saying."

"I think you're saying what you think I want to hear you saying."

"Do you seriously think I would think of you in terms of thinking or saying things which make you think I am thinking or saying them purely because I think that you think it is what I think you want to hear?"

"Not when you put it that way Horace." Wishbone was tantalised by the nebulous inference that the PM was already programmed for Ground Zero, but also felt that he, the Health Minister, had not earned sufficient widespread gravitas to be thrust into contention right now. Was Horace merely testing his mettle or was this a genuine sequence of profiling him for glory? He decided not to find out right now. "I'll give some consideration as to how I would advise the PM on the defence position."

"Without anyone else being involved Wishbone, confidentiality is paramount. We need to make sure this is his decision. Deniability will be required when he gets it wrong. I have done some research on this and I could save you some time if your workload is so high."

Wishbone's edge of the seat became a precipice and he played for time. "You have some suitable candidates in mind?"

"We only need one if she is going to fail."

"It seems to be a bad line, for a moment I thought you said she."

"No, the line is good. He will go for this as he is besieged by images of conspiracy against him and he has logically, in his state of mind, narrowed his trust to those who he knows will never let him down. I am one such faithful servant, and because as Minister for PC I have to be passionately in favour of equal opportunity, he therefore feels he has to be. He trusts you because you represent everything he would like to be seen to be."

"So it amounts to you recommending me to recommend him to take her into the Cabinet. Two questions, do I know this citizen I'm recommending? And why not recommend her yourself? Scrub that last question he mustn't think all his eggs are in one basket."

"She is known to you I believe, she was farmed out to the Treasury a couple of years ago, apparently she can crunch egos as effectively as numbers."

Wishbone drew breath, "Not Blanche Albino? Yes it is isn't it? I can see why you're confident she'll fail, but so will the PM, and now I can see why you want me to recommend her."

"No you can't," rounded Horace, "you are forgetting that he will definitely check out such a ludicrous proposal with me and thus never suspect collusion. This gives me the chance to be at a loss for words initially, but gradually see the merits. You are also forgetting that in his current white knuckle ride, his grasp of reality is out of focus and surreal situations spawn surreal solutions. He will give a lot of weight to the party pledge of having equal numbers of male and female ministers regardless of their ability. When one suspects that conspiracy is all around, the Cabinet, the party, the electorate, the media, one tries to head off further negativity in all areas when it is not necessary. You begin to prioritise according to fear rather than necessity. Also, please remember that when we insist that he personally asks for a reference from the Treasury, he will get a genuinely glowing recommendation. This is crucial because they cannot wait to see the back of her. This personal contact with the Treasury is also our deniability."

Wishbone was satisfied sufficiently on the negation of personal risk. He had pretty well known all along that he couldn't afford to turn down Horace, especially with the Cabinet having been reshaped.

***

Otto had composed himself and logged in again. There was a momentary pause while a keystroke transmitted live feed to Tarquin's receiver, then the Owl appeared. The rogue programme made use of both spy and counter-spy web cams, so De Vere was utterly astonished to see Otto, but was far more excited by this apparent fly on the wall advantage, poor BNP chap.

Otto opened timidly but gathered confidence when he realised Enoch seemingly did not recognise him. "I would like to explore possibilities of mutual benefit to Cllr. Richardson and myself, well, our parties really. I've heard that he views you as a mentor, so I pay you the courtesy of not approaching him directly for a second time."

"Keep talking."

"Well, I firmly believe the political map is changing faster than at any time in the last 40 years, and I feel that further acceleration will occur, so no harm in giving a helping hand."

The Owl expressionlessly asked Otto if he would mind talking in specifics in order to avoid this becoming a shadow boxing contest.

'You haven't changed at all,' thought Otto. "That's going to be difficult unless there is an accord in place first."

"Difficult on the issue of trust or that you have nothing specific to say?"

Otto realised he was not going to make progress unless he offered some sort of inducement. "He's got himself into hot water with a few of his senior ministers and it so happens that these incidents are right at the heart of our policies to restore public faith in government. We would support anything IR does in this direction, it's important for the country, not just Redwood Paddock."

"I am happy that you talk about Redwood Paddock Mr Nostalgia, rather than that other stupid alliteration, but it seems you are offering IR assistance to bring down his own party. Surely you do not need the vehicle of a local councillor to do that."

"That's right," cringed Otto, "I mean that's right, we don't need him at all. We merely see a common opportunity to bring about sensible change. As far as bringing down his party is concerned, no help is required, they are fabulously on track on their own."

He decided to gamble, as he was irritated by the fact that he had, in his initial panic, temporarily lost sight of the fact that Enoch Owl was long deceased. "Furthermore, this silly façade does you no credit, short of being abducted by aliens and modified to replace cells by photons, you're patently not who you're projected to be. Unless I know who I'm talking to we're done!"

Tarquin could hardly contain himself. 'Go for it Otto' resonated in his earpiece.

Enoch closed the conversation "Then we are done for now, but mark my words you will be back, do you think you are the only game in town. I have bad news for you, the train is pulling out and you are not aboard. Till then."

De Vere was frustrated, he wanted to hear more, but knew the Owl was right. Patience would be rewarded.

# Chapter 24

Jacky Jack Jackson wasted no time in confronting the frog, and let him know that there were rumours of a campaign fund whose coffers were already swollen, to appeal the case of Pinstripe, and this could be bad news for all genuine villains.

Uranus Ormine detested low-life villains like Jacky Jack, they gave the more esoteric members of the 'profession' a bad image. Unfortunately, those like himself were an endangered species, and to stay in the loop of current information, these uncouth rowdies had to be tolerated, and it was tiresome. He found the easiest way to get through such a tedious clash of under-classes was to employ vocabulary as yet unexplored by the one-dimensional world of the brown envelope fraternity.

"The judges always realise this is not personal aggression, it's just a different way of wealth distribution, something which appeals to their twisted sense of self-importance and uncanny moral bigotry. It consequently disqualifies the morlocks beneath the surface from having an opinion. A morlock, according to them, being anyone outside the legal profession."

Jacky was not very well versed in the concept of abstract references and simply replied, "Yeah, that's what I told them down at the Joint, no worries, eh?"

"Yes, I must say I find this community service therapeutic in a way, it keeps me focussed on how rehab of our section of society is so important. I always think about not re-offending, but it is like cold turkey, it has to be fixed. A time-out like today reminds me that they don't or won't get it, that we actually like breaking the law, particularly in an era such as the present, in which we are progressively rewarded for promising to try harder. Halcyon days my friend, let us enjoy them lest the big bad wolf reappears."

Jackson may as well have been listening to an alien broadcast, in prime numbers, through a magnetic distortion. All he could muster was, "Too true kiddo, that's what I told them down at the Joint, I'm pretty big down there you know."

"Yes I do know." 'This will definitely be a day for introspection,' mused the frog.

***

Attention: Mr D. Fungi

Nice to speak to you recently. Our fund is really attracting public attention, so we feel ready to call upon the help you offered. Briefly, we have trawled for a case demonstrating precedent pertaining to that of Mr Pinstripe. I'd also like to add that with respect to the real assailant, currently on community service, we will be asking for the Law Enforcement Authority to press a different charge to the original, which of course was breaking into a property. The new charge is to be one of assault. This charge relates to the precedent referred to above. I realise there may be civil rights smokescreens from Uranus Ormine's defence people, however, if he was found guilty of the original charge he is deemed to have broken the law. My contention is that breaking the law renders you a criminal in semantic terms. So, pursuing this line of argument, civil derives from civilisation or vice versa, and behaving in an uncivilised manner (breaking the law) renders you void of certain 'civil' rights in this specific episode.

This of course is a very wide issue, the detention centres are full to overflowing with offenders who could be considered to have lost their civil rights, at least for the duration of their sentence. It is a cause I may well take up later in my term of office. To that end we will be employing a lawyer with the requisite expertise. His name is Buckmananov Detroit, the best in his field apparently. So, I guess this could be a pivotal case, I mean Uranus Ormine, just a joke.

Sincerely

Improbable Richardson.

This was a long way short of drooling admiration, but it would remove the mist around Dimiscus Fungi, and reveal the fence he was astride, hopefully nudging him one way or the other. When he chose to confide in Cabinet colleagues he was met with two types of response. One was to pretend they hadn't heard, and they kept on talking about the upcoming ratification vote on when to take the EU decision to the party as a whole. The second was to reassure him that any reply to this letter would represent danger to the PM. Welcome to the team Minister Fungi

***.

"Horace, I can't believe that Wishbone, you don't think he would be offended by me calling him Wishbone do you? Anyway, he has floored me by suggesting we consider the vampire of the Treasury as Defence Minister!!"

"What? I am also unsettled by this, and also by such a defamatory reference to Ms Albino. After all, I am Minister for PC and this is an offensive stereotypical remark, the like of which I felt you were above PM."

Before the PM could script a suitable reply Horace continued, "However, I do agree that she may not be the right citizen for this situation. Having said that, it would not have to be a permanent appointment. And with the way Sean Bombortwo has successfully all but mothballed the defence budget, expectations are low. Her fiscal record is good. Maybe Wishbone is on to something here. I had not really considered a blinkered accountant, but it could work while we ride out a few of our saddle burrs, and wow, she would add to the equalisation policy pledge, giving the grass roots more confidence in our integrity. There is a potential snag though."

"Is it a major snag?"

"Well it could be, I cannot see the Treasury letting her go without a fight. I mean, when she was foisted on them they were very unhappy. However, by giving her limited authority she has demonstrated very efficient justification in financial Esperanto for the culling of thousands of Civil Servants, without a real protest ensuing - in fact it is forging ahead."

"I don't share your pessimism. If we really want her they surely cannot refuse."

"Well, strictly speaking you are right of course, but I was concerned that we do not make a breathtakingly good appointment only to open up another wound. Command from above might be better softened to a humbly worded personal request, and of course, a recognition of their sacrifice, which would certainly be required in a reference as to her capabilities. This would only make sense if everyone was comfortable with the choice. However, seeking a consensus view might steal some of your thunder in the party ranks, as they perceive decisiveness as one of your many strengths."

Pontius was falling for it. "I think we should not delay, these things have a habit of leaking out. I shall sound out the head of the Treasury today. Once again Horace you are far-seeing, and I am thankful for your tireless support."

"In this instance PM the credit should go to Wishbone. He certainly has promise, and by the way, I believe he would be really proud that you referred to him with such personal candour."

The PM belonged to the genus Chameleon. This ability to change how one appears to others at will, comes at a price. The Darwinian mechanism in this case enabled a change of colour in the proximity of predators, so that blending into the background rendered the chameleon virtually invisible. All of this hinges on the recognition of a predator, if the predator was not perceived as such the colour change would not be triggered, and conversely if a state of paranoia abounded, the colour change would be continuous, which to the eyes of those not in a state of paranoia, would appear as a personality strobe.

Schmuck was completely unaware of this Multicolour Dreamcoat which Horace had woven around him. After all, the colour change was a genetic gift with which he'd always been blessed. The fact that it was now coursing through his system 24/7 gave him one hell of a buzz. He couldn't wait to write his letter to the Treasury. Such was the pulsing of his kaleidoscope that he didn't even pause to enquire as to Blanche Albino's leanings on the EU.

# Chapter 25

Dimiscus Fungi, true to character, gathered far too many participants to the exploratory session on a possible review of the Pinstripe case. The Judiciary, University Law Lecturers, Victim Support Agency, Social Psychologists, Detention Centre Management, Community Service Authority, The Law Enforcement Brass, and oh yes, Improbable Richardson.

In the midst of the scramble for the high moral ground, IR had sat back in silence, and wondered why the wearing of a wig in such a gathering would be considered anything but comical. Unless it illustrated that this was part of the real problem - a parallel world - with little experience of living in the more mundane everyday aspects of this one. As he gazed around the room he saw balloons above heads, shouting 'honest delusion,' and felt a cold rush of despair. He let this scrum continue for another ten minutes and then slowly rose to his feet, still saying nothing. When the babbling finally petered out he said, "Citizens, please remember - that is what you are, first and foremost, a citizen. Your chosen profession, like mine, is secondary, yet you all strive to complicate a situation unnecessarily. This objectivity and distance you profess to need, to deal with the lives of others is laudable, but it's also a snare insofar as you aren't able to directly experience the unjust elements of your own version of justice. I have therefore no alternative but to excuse myself, with the promise that the legal case I'm seeking to prosecute will go ahead immediately, independent of this dog and pony show. Simplification isn't a dirty word, yet you citizens charged with such important issues see it as a spectre of social regression, pledging yourselves to even more finesse. We all basically have a good idea of what is right and wrong in a 'civilised society.' That is why in the distant past we decided to have laws and policing of those laws. Equally, we all know that offering reasons why we have broken those laws can become a jungle of excuses, relating to deprivation, misunderstanding etcetera. Although this may be true, it's a problem which needs to be addressed elsewhere in terms of correction, but not by manipulating the law itself. I'm here on behalf of Citizen Pinstripe. He's a model of decency and fits in with the community ethos. On the other hand, Citizen Uranus Ormine made a decision, totally unilaterally, to invade Pinstripe's domain, and for whatever reason it was his choice and it was wrong. Mr Pinstripe could have invited him to share a cup of tea or some of his hard and honestly earned possessions, but he didn't. When it became clear to Pinstripe that the intruder was going to take them anyway, and had produced a dangerous weapon as a means of bullying him into compliance, he grabbed a makeshift protective device and indicated he was ready to defend his possessions and his life. That the frog did not leave compounded his wrongdoing and precipitated a struggle. Regardless of the outcome there can only be one aggressor, yet we penalise the victim more because of some twisted sense of social pity for the criminal. It is up to the government to tackle such ludicrous bias, not sidestep their responsibility, and pass the buck on to the Justice system. This is a very dangerous avenue we tread, and you lot are so much part of the traffic you cannot see the abyss approaching. Betrayal is a dirty word. That's all I have to say right now. I'll tackle you on your own turf because I'm sure you haven't taken on board anything I've said."

As he approached the exit the silence convinced him to utter one more condemnation of the group. He made no apologies for singling out the social psychologist, Dremmy Parrasight. It was from a hermaphrodite species, the members of which literally talked themselves into continuous procreation.

"Do you mind trying to explain to me why your profession, and I use this word loosely, believes it is right to reward badly behaved fledglings with music players, and convicted substance addicts with free tickets to elite sporting events which are so popular that most of us would fail to acquire entry? But please spare me the rehabilitation speech. I'm more interested in how you think this makes the well-behaved and law abiding citizens feel."

It was shocked. It was distraught. It was about to burst into tears when, just in time, the arrogance gene kicked in. "Such a personal attack on another being whose only motivation is to help unfortunate individuals, is a sign of frustration, directed at your limited comprehension of the psyche which accompanies hopelessness."

"Yes, there you have it folks, even though the question was about the good guys and the bad guys, the answer is only about the bad guys, and their special place in psychologists' agenda. Maybe that's a self-fulfilling agenda which encourages more good people to be bad. I really would like to think that 'it' didn't understand the question. That at least would have given me some hope. So you see 'it' is wrong again, I do understand hopelessness. Well, toodle-pip, some of us shall meet again in the jousting arena."

***

Upon his return he was confronted with Citizen Tubthumper, who was never late. Even IR was surprised at this one. Echo reported that Richardson's leadership in confronting his current challenges, had poked a hornet's nest. The silent majority no longer felt so helpless, and had themselves decided to raise objections to the renaming of their village. Preliminary enquiries had indicated that this government initiative had not been subject to adequate legal scrutiny, and a compliant Deprived Jimmy had allowed the PC-led dictate to prevail. Further research and citizen support had uncovered evidence that this was part of a trial programme to give the region an image boost, and was considered successful enough to extend the concept to Hell's Hill. No consultation had been held with the local inhabitants or media. The previous frustration that they could not overturn such an edict had eroded the local resistance, until now. Echo had taken a straw poll and found in excess of 98% wanted to return to Redwood Paddock. This had galvanised the media to seek Council standpoint on the matter, but the citizens claimed that if the change was not strictly legal, and unwanted, they would just change back the road signs and relevant paperwork themselves. They would only wait out of respect for IR, until he returned.

"But Echo, these cases I'm fighting are still not won. The fat lady hasn't even got to her feet on any one of them yet."

"They don't want to let that stop them. They know you're fighting against the odds and that hasn't stopped you, so they want to go ahead in a way which has the least impact on your own future. They do however recognise that the Nexus of Government will expect you to curb their activities, but they're sure the law enforcement agents will have to check the law first, and don't anticipate the entire village population to be incarcerated, so they want to give that problem to the Minister for PC."

"And the media?"

"Sniffy used all his persuasive powers to get them to hold off until the reversion had been achieved, then go full gas with local coordinated coverage, leaving the nationals to pick up on the story. When he was reminded this would not go down well, as most of the local media were owned by nationals, Sniffy said he had confirmation of a developing story, so big that the nationals would be more than happy with the trade. His reputation won them over."

"So it is goodbye to Multicoloured Meadow then Echo, the Owl will be ecstatic."

"The what, sir?"

"Never mind, I'm just so happy for our citizens."

# Chapter 26

On receiving the PM's barbed request to speak to Blanche, the Treasury boss only just made it to the gents before gushing forth uncontrollably. Recovering to mere ecstasy, he decided not to share this written plea until the transfer was done and dusted. He couldn't afford to let this gift horse be hijacked. Dazza Dave Ledger (a mellowing wolfhound) visualised a new life dawning if this could be steered through the obligatory screening by the HQ Gestapo. His reply was emphatic that he couldn't afford to lose an outstanding talent at this time, but, if he was asked to recognise the greater need of the country he would reluctantly comply. As long as a suitable replacement could be installed immediately. He requested that the usual vetting should be conducted as soon as possible so that his imposed timescale on filling the potential vacancy wasn't adversely impacted. His only fear was that some chance remark, or file, or memo would scupper the move. He was pretty sure only he knew of Blanche's misdemeanours. He'd been building a case to blow her out, once he had a rock solid legal dismissal scenario, without any mitigating strands of defence she could invoke towards a tribunal.

The PM's request simplified everything, and a leak from the relevant sources to HQ Gestapo after the transfer would spawn a media witch hunt. His only involvement would be in assisting the unearthing of the evidence. The immediate but simple task of reburying it would be enjoyable, like designing a treasure hunt.

***

Blanche Albino was in awe of Pontius, alternatively nodding and saying yes at the end of every sentence of his sales talk. He then explained the standard vetting process, which naturally caused her a little concern, but she felt confident that if nobody at the Treasury was on to her these hillbillies at HQ would give her a clean bill of health. And so it proved to be, the checks were extremely long-winded and thorough and useless. The appointment was announced to the Cabinet and then the press. For once, the media were confused as to how to portray the apparent absurdity, so the headlines were more about Schmuck's judgement in such fragmentary re-shuffling of his team.

The leak from Dazza Dave Ledger was to a media heavyweight, and then in turn, Sniffy was briefed to be ready to go in the provinces. Together with his previous tip, Sniffy judged it was time to embroider the Defence Ministry appointment with speculation that the PM no longer appeared to have the confidence of his colleagues, or indeed the rank and file membership.

Without knowing what was about to be exhumed from Blanche's Treasury crypt, Horace seized on this reading of the tea leaves by Sniffy's contacts and quickly prepared Wishbone for the 'Stalking Horse' scenario.

It wasn't until the media 'scent' about Treasury irregularities graduated to evidence beyond imagination, that Horace realised the situation was mutating out of his control. A change of plan. The stalking horse had to become a straw man. There was no time to lose, he had to derail the curtain call of some obscure party member from an even more obscure constituency. That would not suffice, he or she needed to be a credible challenger, to volunteer for a suicide mission. It was not a question of whether a leadership challenge would prevail, Pontius was more of a decomposing carcass than a lame duck. Horace wasn't accustomed to being overtaken by events, and his 'cool' was under some pressure. Wishbone pondered this crisis, and when the final analysis showed how big the misappropriations by Blanche Albino had been, (piggybacked invisibly and exponentially by some clever programming by Dazza Dave Ledger) he decided to act.

Dazza had successfully used his discovery of Ms Albino's creative accounting to implicate her in substantial rather than petty harvesting and redistribution of funds. The doctored paper trail and forensic computer accounting search only unveiled her mechanism, no other, and because the kickbacks were traced to foreign bank accounts, it was never discovered that someone else had been involved. Even she was baffled.

***

Wishbone had intended to deliver his challenge at the emergency Cabinet meeting. The PM was radiating colour change at the rate which formed a constant composite white. He felt quite ill with this unfamiliar ailment, yet he became calm in the process, as he acknowledged the 'no way out sign' and promptly declared he would stand down. Back came the colour and a feeling of a burden removed. He would broadcast this tonight.

Horace seemed to barely catch up with one developing scenario when another appeared. The need for a leadership challenge was no longer needed from Wishbone, as Pontius had decided that it was better to go with dignity. Horace, as Minister for PC, was never present in the actual Cabinet gatherings. Wishbone decided there was no need for Horace to be burdened with irrelevant information just yet, when his own coronation was now there for the taking. Horace's campaign to anoint Wishbone seemed to have acquired self-control and 'mistakenly' clicked into gear.

***

Returning from community duty to the Joint, the frog was relaxing in the admiration of his contemporaries, and within eavesdropping distance of Malcolm G. The emotions heightened when they discussed the campaign challenge and the written legal challenge delivered by Richardson. The air was particularly thick with smoke, which was of course against the law. The same kind of law that prohibited the very substance abuse currently being practised by many of the audience. The odd pool of regurgitated food punctuated the mass into groups around the horseshoe bar. This fragmented noise made it difficult for Mal G to catch every word, but he was able to circulate to the best vantage point.

The call for fair treatment of Pinstripe was OK by Uranus, but the case for a second charge being brought against himself was troublesome, now that Detroit was involved. He declared that this was stereotypical victimisation of burglars in general, and could ultimately remove the legal protection they currently had, which would drive them to intrude into unoccupied properties, which in turn didn't normally yield very high return on effort invested. He encouraged the other participants to lobby their friends and local government representatives for legal aid, to challenge this oppression before it got too much momentum.

Malcolm G was canvassed with all the other revellers and he declared his understanding, but as he was not a burglar by profession, he remained neutral. However he would pass the message on to others.

# Chapter 27

Sean Bombortwo was really down when Wishbone rang. The call was to let the new Education Minister know that he was going to run for the leadership, and he felt it would be more effective if he was talked into it by Sean. He let his friend know of rumours already circulating that Horace had begun to prepare the way, and it could be useful to prod him in that direction. Sean was verging on ejaculation when he was assured that one of the new leader's first acts would be to rescue him from the barren wastes of fluffy, stultifying educational psychology. The job he had done in Defence seemed even more spectacular, having so recently preceded the microsecond of seedy Blanche's corrupt tenure.

Wishbone felt there was merit, in these days of terror alerts, to combine Defence and Homeland Security, which would also allow him to ditch that arrogant windbag Dimiscus Fungi. Wishbone also suggested it would be prudent to clean up this IR situation before he became PM, and floated the concept of endorsing Richardson's actions with the Hospice, by commissioning a local cross-party study group, instead of droning on about central education policy. This would force the psychologists to re-justify their approach. That wouldn't be easy as long as the Education Minister's post was still vacant. They would protest, but such objections would gradually fade out of the headlines. He also had to deal with the NOSONICE situation, but this, he instinctively felt, would be better achieved after he was crowned.

Horace was puzzled. He did appreciate Bombortwo's advice, and agreed that Pontius' abrupt exit confirmed his own view that there was no time to lose. He was however, extremely concerned that Wishbone may have 'short circuited' him, and deviously trashed his own time-honoured role of choosing the next PM. His reconnaissance had revealed that there were only two other plausible candidates who were to run. The Chancellor of the Chessboard, Bristling Jo Maybe, was an elderly hedgehog, but a solid, reliable elitist who had undergone several personality transplant operations, all of which failed to overcome his public school reinforced genetic mould. He was the mandatory choice to fail. The second could be more troublesome as she hadn't officially been invited to run. Cliffetta Hemisphere, a song thrush, was perceived by the various minorities, (who when they joined forces were the majority) as a breath of fresh narcosis. The druggies, transvestites (she was one, Shemail address was a bit of a giveaway), immigrant communities, single parents, the nouveau eligible youth, detained criminals (with the vote), and unemployed all rallied to her call to reject big brother identity cards, and open their minds to abolition of central government. The banner read 'Small is Beautiful' and the message was that localities would manage their own affairs more in line with citizens' needs. A kind of assembly of regions where ideas were shared, and adoption was at the discretion of the local elected management. She had no lofty office from which to influence the party powerbrokers as she had only attained junior culture minister status, but the energy she had brought directly to many citizens had made the top brass aware of the emerging demographics of disgruntled groups. She would not succeed in this election, especially if it was expedited quickly, but she would have a campaign platform like never before, and this alone would ensure she ran for higher office in the future. The trouble she stirred up would damage the party and the new leader would have to deal swiftly with this burgeoning anarchical trend. The opposition parties would hypocritically make mileage out of it, even though it would ultimately be to their own long term detriment.

Horace indeed wasted no time. He shelved his normal patient role of Kingmaker, and in an uncharacteristically panic-stricken moment, conspired with Bombortwo to trigger the incestuous process of hailing the new PM, duly delivering Wishbone to his destiny. Out of this disarray and panic the vote was calmingly decisive, and even conjured up the illusion of unity.

Finally having come down from the buzz of deification, the new PM turned to matters at hand, the most pressing of which he had sketched in his mind over and over. The first act in office should be memorable and hopefully signal to the electorate what kind of leadership one wanted to get across. When he summoned Horace to the throne room, the reptilian was modestly expecting thanks, but not on this scale. His promotion to EU Minister Elect, a new post, which would survive about as long as a mayfly's mating ritual, was a fate worse than extinction. The literality of this was uncovered by the announcement that in order to tackle the windstorm created by Cliffetta, it was necessary to galvanise the stable majority by declaring that PC was an era in its end phase, and just like an ice age, its grip was to be loosened, and the melting process was to be given a massive helping hand.

This sudden savagery from Wishbone was not inflicted solely because he knew it would be difficult to continually outwit Horace. His presence would have made every act of government hostage to a doctrine hated by the citizens. All parties were being strangled by PC, except one. He recognised ahead of time that growth of BNP members was a message in itself, and had to be addressed. This was but the first step. No tears were shed over Horace, and Wishbone proceeded to his next task. He set out the plan to curb the insanity of NOSONICE in stages. He expected that the electorate would understand it was a complex process.

From his previous position of Health Minister he would have an inside track on key organisational pivots which would require major surgery, securing the fall to earth of the entropic cuckoo.

***

When all of these events percolated to local domains, De Vere was shocked, then puzzled, then excited, then worried. He wanted to expedite the TV debate and headed for the pub. He flicked on the surveillance switch, which unknown to him, triggered the archive store, and he thought he was eavesdropping on IR, spelling out to the Owl what ploy he thought they should adopt now that dispensation had been given for a local study on the Hospice funding saga. De Vere's ignorance of this particular detail annoyed him intensely, and his blood pressure would have soared had he had an inkling of the fact that he was deliberately being fed this information courtesy of the Owl. The fabricated dialogue outlined IR's intention to convince the TV director to screen a live discussion of this issue, hopefully to reach a consensus rather than merely debate general policy. Tarquin needed a counter-argument but couldn't risk blowing his cover. He would log-in again later and see what he could siphon out of the Owl.

***

"It is you De Vere. I am surprised you weren't here earlier with all the musical chairs happening at HQ. Anyway what can I do for you?"

Just as he was about to answer, Otto breezed into the pub. The awkward moment gave way to Enoch pre-empting any reply by suggesting a get together with IR, to discuss an important development. "Both of you have expressed a wish to help Cllr. Richardson if policy is in the common interest. There is something he wishes to run by you and would appreciate you contacting him with the utmost urgency."

Otto and Tarquin shifted uncomfortably on their feet and once more the hologram broke the silence.

"It is his intention to invite Mr Nostalgia to the upcoming TV programme, as he feels the previous demolition of Deprived Jimmy, although ruthless, was needed if we are to continue to banish red tape."

"Wait a second," shouted De Vere, "I spent a lot of time coaxing the H.U.F.F. candidate to take part, and he won't take kindly to the BNP presence for a second time."

"Then let him miss out, we're talking issues here not personalities," interjected Nostalgia.

The Owl agreed. "Quite. And Mr De Vere, Cllr. Richardson wants to meet with you all, to bring several developments to your attention of which you currently have no knowledge. This is his way of being completely up front, believing this is a duty of care to the citizens you represent. He also dismissed my point that you may not reciprocate his honesty. I hope he is proved right."

"Well I for one appreciate this gesture Mr .Owl and I'll return his open approach whenever possible," declared Otto.

Tarquin was feeling a little uneasy, first about the surveillance, and now about pledging his party to this 'cooperative.' He delivered an unconvincing "Me too."

Enoch then knew the fabricated eavesdropping had done the trick. The happenchance of Otto's arrival had been helpful. Depends on your interpretation of happenchance?

De Vere had not noticed that he had not really noticed Richardson, apparently leaving the pub via the rear door as he himself arrived at the main entrance. Just as it did occur to him, IR stepped out of the toilet to declare the happy coincidence that their present gathering only lacked one citizen, the H.U.F.F. candidate. "Shall we repair to a more suitable location and summon our missing comrade?"

# Chapter 28

Dimiscus Fungi was briefed on the reasons behind the new shape of the Cabinet, especially the merging of certain areas of control, but of course he heard nothing other than that his role was to disappear. He knew he couldn't change the PM's mind on this and therefore listened intently to the proposal that he should head up a liaison structure between central and local government, dedicated to dialogue rather than confrontation. He wanted to refuse this in the most acceptable way, so he said he would give the matter serious thought and get back to the PM as soon as possible, with any searching questions he dredged up.

Wishbone added a little pressure by telling him that there were other candidates for this post and that it wasn't to be viewed as a backwater appointment. The PM was determined to listen to the frontline party members, in sharp contrast to the previous leader. Then he added a deadline of the next morning before he would approach the next candidate.

Bombortwo was welcomed back by his old staff and viewed with suspicion by his newly inherited crew at what was previously Homeland Security. He picked out a document from Fungi's action tray on the case of Pinstripe, and confronted Inscrutable Chas (a stoic toad), who had been left holding Fungi's baby on this one.

"What if anything, has been decided on the next steps?"

"Don't know, Mr Fungi was a loner, didn't share information until it was necessary."

Sean looked long and hard at the toad and said "You didn't get on then?"

"Oh no sir, quite the contrary, I believe that is the proven way to operate this department."

"Well, this department is no longer this department. What would you advise?"

"Me? Give advice? Personally, I would do nothing until a legal challenge is actually evidenced from the Multicoloured Meadow Council."

"You're out of date. Apparently the citizens have mounted a second legal challenge, this one to the renaming of Redwood Paddock itself. I was more curious about the potential re-arrest of Uranus Ormine."

"Yes, yes I would do nothing at the moment, we should not react, because proactivity is seen as a curse in Home.... Er.... What are we called now?"

"That can wait. I'm talking about the merits of this case."

"I am sorry sir, I'm not used to dealing in merits, and my entire career has been about delaying decisions and obscuring department standpoints."

Chas was invited to take some well-earned quality vacation time which would ultimately become vacancy time. Sean would deal with this himself. He reviewed the notes, got a fast rundown on Buckmananov Detroit's track record, which convinced him to tell the Law Enforcement Supremo to charge the frog with aggravated assault. There was no resistance. In fact, complete accord. He did report to Sean now, and was only too happy to uphold the law, which was refreshing as that is what his job description called for. Bombortwo wrote to IR informing him of this action and added that the review of any possible changes to the law would proceed through the normal channels. This meant that IR's case was now directly aimed at the Judiciary, as a review, different in its detail compared to bringing in new laws. IR's consultation with Detroit was met with disappointment, as the case would now lack the media currency when separated from a direct focus like Ormine. However, they could still try to keep the reporters busy by trawling up other cases which might subsequently be investigated pending a guilty verdict for the frog.

***

Wishbone's call to Hedinsand was most unexpected, the content made the earth move for him. The proposal wasn't dressed up in the usual way, it was a brutally frank suggestion, one which the PM knew Trenchy couldn't refuse or divulge. As Wishbone hadn't filled the position of Health Minister, he offered it to Hedinsand on one condition. He had to recommend to the PM, on taking office, and in writing and copied to Cabinet colleagues, that he really could never envisage the health service being perceived as moving forwards unless NOSONICE was seen to be bridled.

In his time out of the Cabinet Hedinsand had been approached about this continuously by his former constituents and some ministers. There would be little resistance to this by the new Cabinet, and Wishbone now had a puppet 'in charge' of a department he knew everything about, and support for a change he wanted, and had therefore reluctantly agreed to draconian action.

The Cabinet had a new, decisive flavour after the recent dust storms. The remaining post of Education Minister had to wait until the Health Ministry was streamlined.

***

Fetid McMac was quite a nice poodle in a woolly, unnoticeable way. Heading up NOSONICE was a pity really, for him, as he was just an unfortunate weed, struggling to survive in a sulphur lake. The charter of this quango ensured he would be hated, and his subordinates tended to milk this aspect to further their own agendas. Getting him to take the bullet would be the easy part, but there were at least two suspects on the grassy knoll to muddy the waters. Horace would have been useful here, and this reminded Hedinsand to tread carefully. These two unwanted marksmen had to be dealt with before he could claim popular support in exposing McMac, whilst raising his own brand of citizen friendly reform.

***

When IR met with De Vere, Otto and Mixim Otosis, (H.U.F.F. candidate, a chinchilla who always looked as if he was caught in the headlights), he quickly briefed them on the situations with the Hospice, Pinstripe and Chloe. They were all pleased to hear the frog would be charged, and that Chloe had some hope of reprieve. He now wanted to concentrate on the Hospice and the government invitation to have cross-party discussion on the priorities involved with education budgets. Tarquin was flabbergasted at his honesty and impressed that he had fathered this beacon of local authority. Mixim wondered - that is what he always did - while Otto unreservedly agreed to support IR. Tarquin quickly decided he must do the same if he was to stay in the limelight. Then Mixim fell into line. That is what he always did. IR then confirmed that he would rather expose this particular discussion on the TV slot than have a general slanging match. This would enable all of the village citizens to feel part of the decision process. Otto and Tarquin agreed, but the latter insisted they should also have a similar discussion on the other two items as well, so that they shared in what IR had achieved so far. Richardson didn't object as long as they didn't claim that the victory was already secured.

***

Wishbone contemplated the near future and the impending local elections, followed a few months later by the General Election. He had little time to dwell on the local scenario except to be relaxed about decentralisation of some aspects of policy. He had to sharpen the party's image after the damage Pontius Schmuck had inflicted. He therefore started by abandoning the Cabinet vote on the EU, and declared the referendum which had been promised in the manifesto would take place before the General Election.

So, Hedinsand felt that his exile and reincarnation had been serendipitous in dodging this particular wrecking ball, but was rather pleased that this timely good fortune did not extend to Horace, who was now without either portfolio or platform.

***

Malcolm G made IR aware of his encounter at the Joint. Richardson thanked him and decided he would expose this bogus legal aid campaign as another example of the gravy train of pseudo victims while he was on TV.

***

Dimiscus Fungi felt he needed to re-establish himself, on his own terms rather than from the disadvantageous position being unemployed, so he accepted the new role offered by the PM. However, Wishbone knew his heart wasn't in it and set him some pretty difficult objectives on very short timescales. This reality check caused acute paranoia, as Fungi couldn't engage his overkill involvement of multi-disciplined teams, and his proclivity for reaching inconclusive conclusions. He didn't want to begin with IR, but how could he avoid it? He therefore sought a meeting with Richardson, hoping he might sell the PM's high profile initiative by asking the Councillor to join him in getting a dialogue going with regional representatives. The objective being to marry the PM's vision with their wish list for change. It was pathetically insincere, yet it intrigued IR. He would think about it.

# Chapter 29

When the frog had been arrested and charged again, Buckmananov Detroit informed IR that he felt this had come a little too quickly, and gave more time for his pals to construct their plea for legal representation, at the taxpayer's expense. He suggested some counter-action leading up to the trial. It would need to appear spontaneous and emotional without intimidation. Richardson contacted Mosey, and the cat agreed to summon the attention of citizens to repeat their support of Pinstripe with a potent but peaceful condemnation of such manipulation of the system. Mosey encouraged a balanced view, that Ormine, like any citizen, deserved a fair trial, but any legal aid expense he received should be met with voluntary community work to mitigate some of the cost. If he was found not guilty he would then have no financial obligation to fulfil, and could then be compensated accordingly. If the verdict was guilty, the community work would be added to any sentence he received. Mosey also suggested to IR that he should use any influence he had with Sniffy to get the media to be present from the outset. This would provide the Councillor with an opportunity to broadcast his views concurrent with any campaigning by the 'unfortunates,' as they portrayed themselves.

IR needed to speak with Enoch on a few subjects, so the archive feed would have to be triggered for De Vere. Strange that it had not occurred to Tarquin, or any other user for that matter, that the Old Speckled Hen was always there for a reason, rather than by chance.

When IR approached the Holo-matrix, she flashed off a pager alert to the operator, a signal that someone was about to log-in. This prepared the receiver to activate the system and make the Owl appear to be always available in real time.

"Yes Councillor," enquired Enoch, as De Vere was fed snippets of pre-recorded IR archive footage, from a distance. It was a scripted episode of Enrico's detailed pledge of support for the councillor. At first Tarquin yawned, but then considered a visit to the café to exploit his newly acquired inside knowledge.

As Tarquin hurried out of the pub IR was switched to real time. "A couple of things have landed in my lap and I would appreciate your view." He brought the Owl up to date with Fungi's olive branch. He also detailed the impending interview with the media on Ormine's charge.

Enoch seemed to know of the latter in a hazy sort of way, and urged him to go for it, but also to remember to mention his appreciation of the support he had received from all parties on this issue. "And stress how much you are looking forward to engaging in similar discussion with them on other important issues on TV in the future.

With respect to Dimiscus Fungi the Owl was absolutely adamant that this was a ploy to lure him away from his current role, to one where he would be fettered by a committee approach. Fungi wasn't smart enough to have come up with this, so it must have been Wishbone himself. He advised IR that this required very careful consideration. Rejecting it out of hand would dilute his support in other regions, and wholehearted acceptance would disappoint his local electorate. The Owl would sculpture an appropriate response.

***

Tarquin recognised Enrico as the man who delivered his secure log-in data, and bestowed him with a much more significant role than he actually played.

"We meet again Mr Silenzio, just a coffee with perhaps a little stiffener?"

"Take a seat and I will be with you subito, grazie."

"Oh well, very good, you do remember me then?"

"Not really, but no importante, I serve you anyway in uno momento. Prego."

'Charming, thought De Vere, What am I doing here? The place seems to be full of retards and deadbeats.' Obviously a well-considered judgement. To his horror he was joined by Betty, who promptly informed him of her latest ailment, and the pills prescribed for it, and the difficulty in seeing a doctor, the cost of heating these days, the impossible task of disposing of rubbish unless you had a university degree in re-cycling, and the way old citizens became invisible to younger ones. Tarquin confirmed this by saying, "Yes Dear, you must excuse me. I have just seen a good friend of mine."

He moved on to a table already occupied by Malcolm G.

"Morning, Tarquin De Vere. May I join you?"

"I know who you are, and I know what you are known as. Nice!"

"What do you mean? Would you be so kind as to introduce yourself? Why does that dreadful Betty person drone on interminably about nothing? May I get you something?"

Jeez, what kind of cranium comes up with that blarg thought Mal G. "Which order would you like replies to those queries man? I don't even remember some of them, but I'm real monkeyed about your swipe at my Mom," teased Mal.

"Terribly sorry old chap, no offence intended, I just couldn't cope with all the info coming at me. I mean we hadn't even been introduced."

"Sure, I know what you mean, would you move in on somebody else, before my head spins off?"

"I must say I take exception to your tone, you must be one of those lefties, completely devoid of manners. I don't suppose you can even spell etiquette."

"Two different things Dude, manners we can all do with, etiquette is rules and the only rules for me is no rules. Now can you move your butt please, you weren't invited to sit here. How does that fit with your etiquette?"

De Vere beckoned Enrico and asked if his coffee would ever arrive and if was there a table which was free of loosely described clientele at which one could sit.

Enrico deliberately misunderstood him and said they had no tables specifically for one, it was uneconomical use of the limited space. He said his daughter Reynarda was leaving in a few moments, so he could claim a seat there.

Reynarda didn't like being referred to as 'my dear' and told him so as she left. He hadn't really become an instant hit. Nevertheless he persevered, and finally got to ask Enrico if he enjoyed such a key role with IR, wink, wink. The café owner played along and said his remit was crucial and highly secret, so he wasn't able to discuss it further, but he did add, "You ain't seen nothing yet."

'Blast!' thought Tarquin, as he rebuked himself for not blending in with these losers before revealing his purpose in visiting such a lamentable establishment. All of this fuelled his desire to know more. He decided Betty was a soft target, he could talk her into indiscretion another day.

***

Hedinsand had urgently requested time with the PM. He put it to Wishbone that although Fetid McMac would go quietly, this would actually make it easier for the two Grassy Knoll siblings to gain momentum. His advice was to use McMac's malleability to begin the fold-up of NOSONICE, and thereby a conduit to frustrate Norbert Webfoot and Candida Le Whammy, distantly related amphibians, both of whom had the ability to blank any distress or suffering generated by their slimy decisions. If they ever felt a twinge of conscience-prodding, the new wine bar usually counteracted such disorientation, and quickly dulled the negative atmosphere, replacing it with therapeutic party-mode at ridiculously reassuringly high prices.

Norbert was the more straightforward slippery foe, whereas Candida had a deep protective shell, accompanied by a precise art of presentation which could qualify her as a future Minister. Disposing of Norbert would be seen to be a necessary precursor to her becoming assistant director to Fetid. She accepted the bait that if she was distanced from Norbert's demise (she would only provide the evidence for such a contract) then ultimately Fetid would fall prey to a poor decision which he would believe was his own. She also astutely accepted that the price to pay for this was NOSONICE losing all autonomy, and being swept back into the Ministry of Health as a mere advisory panel. Her reward would be a fast track to potential Ministerial status.

Hedinsand was not a stranger to such brokering with high stakes, and Wishbone approved the plan as long as Trenchy could sell it to the Cabinet, but without the gory details.

The only meek objection came from Bristling Jo Maybe (Chancellor of the Chessboard), on budgetary grounds, but when Hedinsand revealed an alternative to the very expensive policy of tackling obesity, he accepted that NOSONICE had indeed become a PC-dominated maverick group, worthy of redirection.

# Chapter 30

When news of the NOSONICE guillotine reached IR via Hedinsand, Richardson was caught with his guard down and assumed this meant victory for Chloe had been snatched from him. There was no hint of previous animosity from Trenchy, but he quickly suggested to IR that this was the way to achieve change constitutionally, rather than by unilateral acts of defiance. He added that he had respect for what IR had tried to do, but deplored the method employed. He hoped he could count on the Councillor being more receptive to team ethic in future and wished him all the best.

"So when can we get the medication to Chloe?"

"It will take a while for ratification of new assessment protocols, but I will personally get her case to the top of the list, and you can be sure it will happen soon. I apologise for such imprecision and I'll get back to you regularly on the progress I'm making."

"I see, well although I'm disappointed at any delay I'm indebted to you for this wonderful news. I've got one further question. What if monies raised by donations were to be utilised for purchase of the medication? Would the treatment still be available through the normal Health channels?"

"This is irregular, but if you pursue this line I will endeavour to assist in any way I can, as long as we can be certain that such a precedent can be sustained, as other such cases arise. Good luck."

***

For once, Sniffy had more news than he could juggle with. What an adrenaline rush! He was however, not comfortable with this cosy plan of such entrenched adversaries coming to an accord on TV. There was no sensationalism mileage in this, and he envisaged sabotaging the 'happy family' ambience by coaxing the presenter to drop some kind of bombshell at a crucial moment, to spice things up a little. He didn't want to be personally responsible for this as he wanted to avoid alienating the Owl, which in turn would distance him from IR. He would get one of his national counterparts to contact Cass L'Impotadur with a juicy worm and take it from there.

***

Hell's Hill had followed Redwood Paddock in reverting to the original name. The citizens were on the march. It gave the postal service a few headaches and Wishbone was furious at the lack of control the government appeared to have. Privately he was happy that the cretins who dreamed up the names were so publicly judged, but he couldn't afford to simply let this pass, and furthermore another five villages had indicated they were about to follow suit. He decided to act in support of the reversions, to demonstrate that PC was no longer something to fear, but had to be sensibly cleansed wherever and whenever appropriate. He announced that his new Local Government Liaison Integrated Management Project (LoGo-LIMP), under the dedicated leadership of Dimiscus Fungi would lead the way on this crusade. The remaining villages which had been afflicted by this mind-numbing stupidity were listed.

Duke's Hollow to Verdant Valley

Alto Pinnacle to High Spirits

Rowland St John to Faith Moor

Cordiale-Under-Whelm to All-One-Manor

Honour Ford to Equality Dipp

It is left to the reader to figure out the rationale behind of the PC creations, hopefully not a life-consuming puzzle.

The upshot of Wishbone's intervention implied that Fungi's previous invitation to IR now took on a broader perspective. Another visit to the pub was required.

When the Owl received the pager signal, the first webcam was activated and he could see IR during the log-in procedure. He then decided to allow De Vere live access to this discussion, as he had a plan in mind to address the LoGo-LIMP situation.

"The PM has officially endorsed the village name reversions and widened his support for bridling PC through Mr Fungi, so I really need to reply to Dimiscus sooner rather than later," admitted IR.

"Yes," said Enoch, "I applaud the new PM's direct involvement, and this does provide you with a unique opportunity to have access right to the top, not to mention the national exposure it brings. I believe this could pitchfork your career into overdrive, however I have one niggling concern - you have not finalised any of the valuable projects you have taken on. Certainly it looks like the outcome will be positive on all of them, but imagine someone else taking them on and failing, you will effectively have let the citizens down. It would be impossible for you to perform both the LoGo-LIMP and Council Leader functions when the PM has told Fungi to make haste in pulling down the house of PC, a big ask and very time consuming. You must not fall into the void between these tasks."

"Mmmm, I see your point. I'd feel cheated if I didn't personally see through the specific programmes I'd hoped would help the citizens of Redwood Paddock. Just saying the name again gives me pleasure and pride. I suppose I'll have to pass up the Fungi project."

The Owl feigned resignation that the opportunity had come too early for him, and that it was also a pity that there was no one he could completely trust to work with Fungi, in order to keep the local interests at the forefront of the agenda. De Vere wanted to shout, 'Me. Me, it's as plain as the beak on your face, for God's sake.'

A healthy silence added to the apparent authenticity of the dilemma, and finally the Owl ventured the suggestion that some of the help he had been given by various friends, colleagues, and even opposition candidates could be repaid by offering one of them involvement in the Fungi project. He further made the point that some of them had proven their trustworthiness by their actions.

"Why not think about this and we will talk again Councillor?"

"Yes, I'll get on it immediately," sighed IR, "I guess I have to get my priorities straight, I'll be back soon."

Tarquin visibly trembled with excitement at the prospect of national notoriety, and was going to do everything he could to persuade the Owl he was the standout choice.

# Chapter 31

Norbert Webfoot had been farmed out to a study group of a foreign health care system, and was totally convinced that this was a grooming exercise for promotion. Candida was having difficulty in providing the damning evidence against Fetid McMac, simply because every big decision had been forced upon him in writing from above, and all the documented resistance to this had come from Kevin and Katie Knoll (her and Norbert themselves). Fetid had also suddenly displayed a streak of confidence hitherto out of character. Rather than get shirty about this, Hedinsand saw it as Candida's problem. If she failed to implicate Fetid, Trenchy would simply exploit the compliant side of McMac's character to achieve the objective of temporary direct reporting to himself, and the collateral loss of autonomy implied. He started by telling Fetid to inform IR officially that medication and treatment authorisation would be sent immediately for the unfortunate Chloe. Fetid McMac hesitated very briefly before saying he would be glad to be the bearer of such good tidings for Chloe. Candida was perplexed.

***

This news travelled fast and it heightened De Vere's appetite to get the nod on LoGo-LIMP before IR had accomplished success on all fronts. He logged in and was greeted enthusiastically by the Owl.

"I have just heard about Cllr Richardson's victory over NOSONICE, and I must say this young man is not only an inspiration to all of us, but he has awakened a moral conscience in us that has been so long dormant. I pay you the respect of offering to help him in any way which will reduce his current workload, if this will enable him to take up even more significant reforms." He had to be careful not to give any hint of knowledge of the LoGo-LIMP initiative.

"Well these are fine sentiments De Vere and I will certainly advise IR to avail of your kind offer. In fact he may need someone to deputise for him in a very important project, but it could be that your party would think it a step too far in cross-party cooperation."

"May I be informed of the nature of such involvement?"

"Yes, however this must be considered as a preliminary exploration of potential involvement, and requires the utmost confidentiality, because the W.C. party may also be nervous at such delegation."

Tarquin was straining to avoid his automatic gearbox taking him from nouveau diplomatique mode to good old 'bull in the china shop' action.

"My offer is a personal one, and I'm prepared to make similar personal sacrifice to that which Cllr. Richardson has done, if that is what is required."

"That is very reassuring De Vere, I will speak to him at the earliest opportunity to put forward your offer in this context."

'I should have done this the other way around,' thought Tarquin. I wouldn't have been lumbered with this charade if I'd gone direct to IR.

"When would be a good time for me to come back to see you then?"

"Tomorrow morning, I am expecting him to log-in later today."

A slightly disgruntled De Vere logged out and asked Collie for a double.

***

Uranus Ormine was out on bail awaiting trial at the local criminal court. He didn't want Jacky Jack Jackson to be the reference point for the TV cameras during the court case, as his truncated vocabulary and one-dimensional catchphrases wouldn't advance the cause of the more discerning bottom feeders. However, he recognised that Jacky was a kind of icon at the Joint, and therefore he had to avoid alienating the well-meaning buffoon. He suggested a covert role that would avoid bringing his plethora of previous convictions into the public discussion. The task of keeping all decent criminals on duty outside the courthouse was a cornerstone of the strategy, and Jacky Jack Jackson could ensure this with his own brand of 'know what I mean?' tactics, a solid guarantee that the Joint was empty during trial hours.

He asked Frauddy Mouthwater, an erudite con-artist who knew the law, and more importantly, ways of circumventing it via technicalities, to act as spokesman. Mouthwater's nature, as a hamster was to gnaw away at issues until he found a weakness then start tearing into the detail surrounding the breach.

***

Tarquin found it difficult to fill in the dead time. He was on his way back to the café when an alert came to his palmtop. 'This must be IR logging in,' he thought. It was indeed, but somehow the audio wasn't working. It sent him into a tailspin of anger and he involuntarily threw his precious device to the ground in frustration. When he retrieved it his worst fears were confirmed, it was damaged, and now there was no picture. This little tantrum had cost him dearly, as he suddenly remembered that he couldn't remember the log-in data, having stored it on the palmtop. The visit to Enrico was now top priority.

He was almost sycophantic in his approach, which confused the café owner. Hearing of the lost data, Enrico said such sensitive information was normally destroyed once it had been delivered, but he could speak to the Owl on his behalf in a couple of days. De Vere was trembling with uncertainty and said, "Surely there is some way we can come to a mutually beneficial means to shorten the time to your next log-in." Of course he simply meant 'do it now Silenzio.'

Enrico reminded Tarquin that he held a highly secret role in 'the big kahuna' programme. It had to be something of phenomenal urgency to warrant an extra visit, with the attendant risk it may draw from any 'big brothers' who might be lurking about. He was enjoying winding up De Vere about this imaginary position he held.

"Yes, it is bloody well phemonamly, phaumanely, Jesus Christ, supremely important to me," spat out Tarquin, reverting to character.

"Ooo, Ooo," chided Enrico, "we are getting our tongues twisted, aren't we? And you, a paragon of elocution, with certificates to prove it. Let me see if I can get one of my agents to retrieve this for you."

He beckoned Mal G.

"Well bugger me," whispered Tarquin, under his breath thinking of the damage he had done in his previous conversation with Mal.

"Perhaps later," teased the café owner, embarrassing De Vere. "Mal, could you do me a favour?"

Having explained the situation Mal agreed that he would do this if a reciprocal gesture could be directed to help Betty, his Mom. Enrico concurred, and said he would act as broker while Mal was delivering the data renewal request.

Enrico told De Vere it would be greatly appreciated if he had any contact who could optimise Betty's claim for benefits by filling in the paperwork and guiding it through the system 'invisibly.'

"Aha," boasted De Vere, "you can't fool me a second time, she's not his mother is she? She is another one of your agents, very clever."

"Shhh," urged Enrico, "you are very astute. We want this favour to keep her profile low, and her cover intact."

"What you are asking could confer great risk to myself."

"Hey Mr Tarqueen, it is the way of the five families, we are also taking a big risk for your little problem. You don't want? I can recall Mal now."

While experiencing extreme difficulty in preventing unwelcome urination, Tarquin reached for his mobile. Gritting his teeth at the derisory, flagrantly provocative pronunciation of his given name, De Vere maintained a modicum of control. "Yes I see that Rico, I will arrange this if you can give me Betty's full details, as it would be better if she didn't know who had helped her."

"It's a deal Signori."

"Excellent Mr Silencer. How and when will I receive the data?"

"Some citizen you do not know, and does not know you, will approach you first thing tomorrow, at a place of your choosing, but not the pub."

"Spiffing old chap, let's make it outside the TV studio as I have some business to conclude there."

Departing the scene Tarquin was mightily impressed with his deal to recover the security log-in data, and failed to see Ricky running for the toilet, scarcely able to conceal his belly-bursting laughter.

# Chapter 32

Dimiscus Fungi was anxious to get started as the timescale of the objectives set by Wishbone was ludicrously unrealistic. There wasn't even time for him to feel jaded at the lack of drooling admiration from the PM. He fixed a think-tank session with IR at very short notice, and would travel north to check out the local turf, then widen the consulting process from there. He needed to be more flexible than normal in order to 'squeeze phlogiston' into the vacuum of interest in the Cabinet, if he was ever to move out of this 'oxygen-deprived' remit. He felt he would then be able to sidestep the boredom of myopic legislation and set sail for career land.

Richardson was happy to sketch in a framework with Fungi, flexible enough as a template for other regions and their peculiarities. Then he would float the intention of designating an additional full time participant to ensure adherence to timescales and objectives.

***

The appeal case for Pinstripe had been brought forward and would commence before the frog was due to appear. This was good news for Buckmananov Detroit insofar as it negated the possible impact of concurrent publicity and its distraction potential. The media interest was undiminished, and IR was to use the TV slot to implore citizens to attend both court cases to give support to 'Duke' and offset any fanfare Frauddy Mouthwater was undoubtedly cooking up.

***

Tarquin was puffing heavily on the remains of his cigar, when a greasy looking stoat almost deafened him in questioning his identity. He played the tedious security game until Ibrahimovic Casey handed him new data. Although he could not remember the original, he somehow felt this was different in its alpha-numeric content. He wondered if this would affect his snooping activity when he got his palmtop back from Bios Derailleur. This facility would be even more useful than ever, if he was to get the chalice of national recognition. It could be enhanced and extended to other worthwhile areas. Nothing like getting a bit ahead of oneself, but his desire now had no reverse gear. Despite his anxiousness to get straight to log-in world, he had to do 'rehearsals' at the TV studio, and the live shoot for later transmission at peak time.

The schedule went well, with all parties living up to their word. In the case of Mixim Otosis (HUFF party), it meant not contributing a single word. Otto sneakily endorsed everything Richardson had stood up for. But he cautioned the wider audience that to achieve a result which would back up IR's courage and conviction on a country-wide basis, neither the W.C. nor the F.O.B party would countenance such departure from their comfort zone. It simply was not in their DNA. The only alternative was the BNP, which would guarantee the extension of such worthwhile reform. De Vere was taken aback by such transparent party politics, especially as he had a more subtle ploy of his own. Before he delivered it he condemned Otto's cheap shot, which was not in keeping with the cross-party accord that had just been reached. More importantly, the programme host intervened to ask about a rumour that had reached him from a colleague in the national media, suggesting that IR's courage was stiffened by counsel from some sort of contraption that he conferred with in a local hostelry. Tarquin bit his lip, ditched his party advert and took a blood pressure capsule. Otto shrugged his shoulders and gave a reasonably good impression of being horrified. Mixim said nothing. IR calmly said, "If a database and a history book are considered as contraptions, then the assertion is true. I know of no politician, local or national, who doesn't avail of such tools. Furthermore, canvassing citizens' or other politicians' views is mandatory if we're to have balance in our objectives. It is called representation, precisely what we are elected to do. I might also add that if this hadn't happened, we wouldn't have had this situation where all parties have conferred, put party issues second to the welfare of our citizens, and endorsed the transfer of funding from unnecessary designations to critically required ones. The Hospice owes its continuance to this manifestation of democracy. I don't know if that answers your question?"

The presenter felt he had been set up, his bombshell had been returned with interest. Tarquin jumped in to support IR. Uncharacteristically, he stood up, eyeballed the host and felt an urge to chant, 'Who are ya? Who are ya?' He actually settled for rapturous applause for Improbable Richardson. Otto wished that he had not dribbled in the arsenic quite so confidently. Mixim thought nothing.

The highly-charged atmosphere was perfect for Richardson to thank the citizens for their unwavering support and the success with Chloe's case. He followed this up by insisting the same message had to be delivered to HQ with respect to Pinstripe and the frog. He appealed to the electorate to deliver their presence and their clamour for absolute justice at these trials.

***

Wishbone was mentally doodling. He felt that he had successfully set his style to contrast very sharply with his predecessor, Pontius Schmuck, and the loss of political collateral the chameleon had inflicted upon the party. He had also acted quite promptly to extinguish bush fires on issues like dismantling of PC, listening to local predicaments, and re-establishing a Cabinet of solidity and experience. He also accepted that this was a shot in the arm rather than a cure for the falling popularity of the party. He expected the local elections to be bad news but he had steadied the decline. His big weapon of talking up his decision to deliver the promised referendum on the EU to the citizens could not be wasted on these local elections; it would be delivered just prior to the national election. Maximum impact for both himself and the party. His task was to bolster this pending vote winner with policy which would clearly set the new direction. He knew it was no coincidence that when crime and punishment was examined, this young bronco Richardson would come into focus again. He would monitor this very carefully and also reflect on just how the electorate was trying to tell politicians that they were not only prepared to depose PC, support stifling the epidemic of human rights for terrorists and criminals, and encourage examination of inflexible central policy, they were absolutely gagging for it. This had been steadily building for a decade or more. He decided he would take a much closer interest in the project he had given Fungi, to shape the metamorphosis he felt was required. It should have occurred to him that he may not be unique in thinking this. At least he was going to be the first party leader to meet IR. That had already been decided.

# Chapter 33

Buckmananov Detroit presented his case in three stages. First, he quoted the precedent of the swordstick case, and its judgement that the act of the victim taking it on a train journey was premeditated. This was a key fact. If this was valid, then taking a weapon while breaking into an occupied property had far more chance of it being used than a random train journey. Therefore the premeditation was much more specific. It could also be argued that in a small village the assailant would know who and what he may face.

Secondly, in a comprehensive analysis of burglary with assault there was a high occurrence of fatalities, especially in cases in which resistance was attempted without using a weapon, or even an implement to ward off the armed intruder.

Thirdly, in a situation which Pinstripe found himself, it isn't possible for the drowsy occupant to start a mental debate with himself as to what constitutes reasonable force. Even a debate between intelligent citizens who have not been disturbed in their sleep could take hours.

"In summary, are we really expected to endorse a sentence of a truly law abiding citizen, whose decision has to be made in a microsecond after being awoken, as to whether this is a risky situation. He was facing a weapon. On what criteria could we expect him to evaluate reasonable force? He wouldn't have any dilemma if the assailant had not entered, or had not already decided to take a weapon with him. I submit that had not Mr Pinstripe acted quickly, this may have been a trial investigating his murder. Thankfully we are not, but this is in no way because the guidelines are correct or even clear."

The cheers broke out in the gallery. This was repeated when the appeal was upheld.

IR punched the air, turning to the Pinstripe supporters and said, "Three down, one to go."

***

The accord on the Hospice had been ratified at HQ, and now Wishbone could think about a new Education Minister. He wouldn't rush this but it had to be known that it was being pursued.

***

De Vere reached the pub, breezed past the Old Speckled Hen, and logged in.

"Hello De Vere, I suppose you are here to renew our conversation from yesterday?"

"That is an accurate supposition."

"Well, good news and bad news often seem to hang out together, is that the right expression?"

Get on with it Owl, was what he wanted to say. "I believe so, but I'm no purveyor of pollution of our mother tongue, and I didn't think it was 'up your alley' either."

"Yes I agree. Cllr. Richardson would like to accept your willing help and he is meeting with the Government officer to outline the mechanics of tackling the project. He would like to introduce you during that session and nominate you as his replacement for future strategy development and implementation."

"And the bad news?"

"The PM wanted IR to personally commit to this initiative. This would appear to be a 'snooker' rather than a lost cause. Richardson has been summoned to see the 'boss' on another matter apparently, and will attempt to avoid going 'in off the red' while setting up a 'free shot.'"

"What the hell are you babbling on about, I'm not even sure this is you."

"Oh sorry, my programmer has fitted me with a sense of humour chip, and I am just giving it a spin, 'right on cue,' ha-ha-ha-haaaar. Sorry again, I will disengage this programme until I have mastered the rudiments of humour."

"Tell him not to give up the day job then. Now how will this persuasion of the PM be achieved?"

"We have discovered that the officer running the implementation, Dimiscus Fungi, is a bit of an embarrassment to the PM, and he was expected to fail. Now the project has moved from a sideshow to headline act he is road kill."

"You have switched off that chip haven't you?"

"Most certainly, it takes a few sentences for the command to re-align when the chip is shut down. Anyway, it would be in your interests as well as ours to help get this Meniscus Fudgy, there I go again – we have to ensure Dimiscus Fungy is derailed."

"What the......?"

'System change complete' flashed on to the screen.

"Thanks to whoever you are Mr Owl. I don't see how I can assist in dislodging a PM appointed officer whom I've never met, whose name I have more than one version of, and whose actual task I can't fathom."

"I feel better now. My apologies De Vere. Please meet Cllr. Richardson at his office without delay and he will explain better than I appear to be capable of doing."

***

There was something troubling Tarquin about this malfunctioning of the Holo-matrix, and in order to get another perspective of this so-called government initiative, he availed himself of his highest ranking contact's take on the scenario. Major-General Ralluph Wilderberry-Pork, the Foreign Minister and fellow officer in De Vere's regiment in bygone days, was a constantly circling bat in HQ. He would have the finest details at his claw tips and probably some well-marinated advice.

The conversation was to repay a favour during their armed forces days in which De Vere's silence was instrumental in ensuring Porky's promotion. The bat confided that this project appeared to be one of Wishbone's aces in the hole. So much was personally riding on this for the PM that Ralluph was not going anywhere near badmouthing Fungi. The high stakes had Tarquin frothing at the mouth. He thanked the bat and hastened to IR's office racked with desire to land this big fish. IR beckoned him in and said Fungi was due imminently. He also clarified what the Owl had said concerning Dimiscus being lightweight, at best, and a mistake in all probability, without disclosing the source of this knowledge.

"So you see it will be tricky for me to bow out now, I will wait to see the PM before airing this."

When he entered, Fungi was immediately uneasy with De Vere's presence.

"This is Tarquin De Vere, F.O.B. party, we have worked together recently on various topics. We've managed to subordinate party politics to getting the right things done at local level. I'm happy to avail of his expertise and objectivity, as I currently have a very high workload. Tarquin, this is Dimiscus Fungi, project manager for decentralisation studies and phasing out PC where deemed appropriate."

"Pleased to meet you Mr Funjee," said De Vere.

"It is pronounced Fun G eye."

"That's what I said, Funjee," repeated De Vere.

"Well then, that is another reason I am not going to countenance this meeting going ahead. Firstly, we do not share our most important strategies with opposition members, and secondly, I flatly refuse to engage in further conversation with someone who is phonetically challenged."

He did not hear Tarquin's rejoinder as he marched out and returned to HQ to inform the PM that he required his backing for complete autonomy in this remit. Big mistake.

Tarquin listened to IR's apology but strangely was not dismayed. He was on the verge of a status hyperspace jump and Diminutive Fallguy was to be the target of a cunning plan. He also thought that the plan would be his.

# Chapter 34

Richardson congratulated Buckmananov Detroit on the victory, and asked what would happen if Uranus Ormine was found not guilty. The reply was typical in its brevity. A civil case, depending on the reasons for acquittal of the criminal charges.

The revised Pinstripe verdict hadn't gone down well at the Joint. The fact that there was also to be an inquiry into the adequacy and clarity of the law following that trial, was not good news either. Consequently, the frog was now trying to dilute the presence of unruly offenders at his big day, and had to countermand instructions to Jacky Jack Jackson. The jackdaw now felt left out, even humiliated, and told Ormine that splintering the support did not augur well for the trial or the solidarity aspect of fellowship. He of course expressed this in more colourful language and less than half of the words. He added that this creep Mouthwater was getting on everyone's nerves with his constant unwillingness to tell them what he was doing.

Uranus Ormine was aware of an impending bust-up, yet didn't prevent it in time, and Frauddy ended up in hospital after he had ended up in the river. He was now more concerned with lodging charges against three Joint thugs than he was about helping Uranus.

***

Wishbone's blood pressure was passing through 180/100 on its way to a destination of 205/115, before he told Fungi over speakerphone to 'get his carcase' back to HQ, pronto. It was a coincidence that Ralluph Wilderberry-Pork was with him, discussing World Pollution at the time. He would not normally have counselled the bat (hanging upside down as usual) on this issue, but he was ready to tear Fungi to pieces. The way it came out was confusing to Ralluph.

"I really could do with a favour on this one MG, (Major General always ensured Wilderberry-Pork was receptive, at least until the next utterance). This Dimiscus fellow is an enthusiastic, loyal, hardworking individual who is in the wrong box. I appointed him to this post largely to accomplish an important re-shuffle. However, in retrospect, I didn't attach proper significance to the personality requirements of the new position he was to fulfil. Also, the task itself has mushroomed exponentially beyond his talents. It would be perceived as dithering if I chose to move him again so quickly. I need him to be wanted so badly by another department that I have to cave in to the pressure, and not be too pleased about it. Any ideas?"

Wilderberry-Pork tried to think on his feet while constructing a request-quenching withdrawal.

"You don't want to fire him then?"

"Oh no," pretended the PM. "It's just a question of matching his undoubted abilities to an appropriate function."

"And what are these talents, aside from his general attributes? Please remind me."

Mistake, Ralluph.

"Actually, he has an outstanding record of fastidious detail-crunching, which slows progress to a snail's pace. His grasp of semantics allows this slowdown to be utilised to backtrack where necessary, and gives a window of opportunity for either gridlock or demoralisation, whichever is more appropriate. You know, you have maybe unwittingly given me a solution."

Porky breathed a sigh of relief.

"Our Foreign Policy often requires this kind of posturing, switching of agenda, empty promises and the consequent justification of non-delivery."

"Aha." Ralluph was about to disarm the ballistics of this argument when he was cut off.

"You agree then, he is perfect for the Foreign Office. Thank you MG. You only find your real friends in the cauldron of battle. When I said I needed a favour, I hadn't fully appreciated that it has always been your outstanding desire to help a fellow officer in his hour of despair. I'll ask Fungi to see you after I've explained that he is a bit of a square peg in a round hole. I'm sure that he will be relieved to get back to something he is good at. I'll leave it to you to rebuild his ambition and motivation. Thank you again my friend."

"I am sure you would do the same for me PM, if roles were reversed," enthused Porky, cementing the return favour requirement. Looking on the bright side, he knew one was never too far from stumbling into a lake of shit, and having a latent rescue in place was definitely a worthwhile investment. "One further question PM, how will you beef up the LoGo-LIMP effort in the light of its leader being reassigned?"

"I'm meeting with this local chap Richardson, and I need to bridle him a little to get the best out of him, a bit like breaking in a thoroughbred."

"I see. Very good," affirmed MG, as he swung into military mode. He was confident he could extract a little more out of this situation.

***

Porky wasted no time in contacting De Vere.

"Tarquin, I pondered a little over this Fungi chap in relation to your situation, and despite some tangible risk, I feel that there are some concerns I have to pass on to the PM. If he listens to me and agrees that we need a different way of achieving the objectives of this initiative, ergo leadership, we must also have the correct structure. It is, after all, a full time remit. I will probably have to accommodate some departmental re-jigging to ensure the PM does not appear to have made a knee-jerk appointment, if he replaces this Fungus chap with a provincial man. How would you feel about stepping into the breach?"

De Vere was digesting this, and quickly thought that it was a favour call from an old military pal, which Wilderberry-Pork was going to have to repay at some time, but that was acceptable. He must not let IR know of this before his meeting with Wishbone, but how was he to subvert the PM's desire to have IR full time on this mission?

"Yes I can see that this is a delicate matter Ralluph, and Councillor Richardson may now need my help even more on this subject."

"Your help? I don't understand. You are from the opposition lot. That is precisely why I'm calling you. To 'help' implies subservience, and will be frowned upon by your party. The F.O.B. hierarchy, would however, seize the chance to have you as the main saboteur in this doomed cross-party waffle."

"I told Councillor Richardson that, or something along those lines, but he reminded me that we have managed to work together on other issues to the benefit of the local citizens, which if I'm not mistaken, is partly what this task is all about. In fact, wasn't the suggestion to have cross-party local accord on the Hospice issue an HQ request?"

"Oh yes, that's right, but I am pretty sure it was nothing more than a calming tactic. Well, let's see what the PM thrashes out with this Richardson."

***

As IR was leaving the office to travel to HQ, Placidus Avoidus caught up with him and gave him some cryptic message she had received from a 'Collie?'

"Oh yes, what is it? I'm in a hell of a rush."

"Curious really, he just said the Owl needs some maintenance, suffered some sort of breakdown. He did not say mechanical or nervous, but he felt you should know."

"Thank you, Placidus, I'll get back to him on my return."

***

Uranus Ormine was feeling isolated. The courthouse was full of 'citizens for the prosecution,' and his own advocate apparent was not apparent. The fact that he had pleaded guilty to the original charge of breaking and entering (he was definitely there at the scene when law enforcement arrived) simplified the initial part of the case. It was now a matter of the verification of Pinstripe's injuries being proved to have been inflicted by the frog. This would be tested by examination of the weapon taken from Uranus at the scene. The judge was a little confused, along with the other occupants of the courtroom, as to why this evidence had not been brought up during the original case. Buckmananov Detroit was an interested onlooker. The excuse given by the prosecution for the two charges being brought separately was that the recovery of sufficient quality DNA from the weapon was proving difficult, and had to be sent abroad to a special forensic unit for extremely elaborate analysis. Pretty imaginative.

The highly specific results matched Ormine's genetic imprint, and the remaining technicality was how it got there. The frog's legal aid made a big deal of this, ranging from accidental contact to self-defence. Buckmananov Detroit, having anticipated this, as had the prosecutor, had also unearthed a witness. Malcolm G stated that he had heard the frog claim several times in the Joint, that not only had he 'done up' Pinstripe, but that the 'law enforcement lot' failed to notice he had actually taken something from the property which he had hidden in his mouth, not his sack. It was a small but expensive paperweight, with which he had struck Duke during the struggle. He had kept this artefact, to 'fence' it when all the fuss blew over. The witness, Malcolm G, also claimed that in his inebriated state, Ormine had revealed that his female friend was still holding his prize.

Amaya Trollope was called and attested that an officer bearing a search warrant for her domain had found and removed the paperweight given to her by the frog.

Additionally, Malcolm G had these conversations on the tape IR had given him. The case was adjourned while the object was tested for incriminating evidence.

***

The F.O.B. party was re-shaping its image and honing new policies for the forthcoming elections. When the leader, Ruby Bickerstacks, had seen the results of the cross-party accord in Redwood Paddock, she had recoiled at the implications. Having previously held office as a mayor, this mare was all too familiar with the workings of local councils. An outright veto on such cooperation would be disastrous, in view of the gathering groundswell of public support. A more subtle disengagement would have to be conjured up. In the meantime she would speak to De Vere, although she knew nothing of Tarquin's potential 'sleeping with the enemy' ambitions. The conversation would prove to be quite interesting.

# Chapter 35

The Holo-matrix was still offline. The twiddling involved in the 'humour chip' had been further complicated by another addition. The inclusion of a higher capacity database to cover a multiplicity of new topics, (parliamentary speeches, trends in crime, GDP/Expenditure breakdown, the ever-changing immigration map, news broadcast feeds), to name but a few. This was a gargantuan task and although it had been debugged several times prior to piloting sessions, a cumulative treacle effect on the initially blistering processing speed had caused the buffers to stop the train. The first signs were lip-sync problems, voice distortion, and flashing screen colours with syntax alerts. As the number of citizens applying for vetting had increased dramatically, a return to the original format wasn't acceptable, especially as user-friendliness would become more important. Help was obviously required to get on top of this. The operator couldn't be everywhere at once, controlling sessions and updating software. Recruitment of assistance would be risky but there was little alternative. Perhaps the internet was anonymous enough to open a discussion, float theoretical options on a smokescreen project, identify the expertise, hint at a meeting, and give preference to a foreign candidate with no interest in politics. An anorak with streaks of genius who may also be 'turned on' by reverse infection of log-in protocols of troublesome visitors to the system. This profile might also keep the costs down.

***

"Welcome Councillor Richardson, please take a seat. Tea or coffee?" enthused Wishbone.

"Thank you PM, coffee would be great."

"I want to get straight to the point. Your recent activities, in bringing attention to several issues have been helpful, but difficult for our plodding behemoth of central command to take on board. My predecessor couldn't deal with it very well, whereas I see a lot of benefit if we sharpen our focus, and establish a rudimentary mechanism of progressing such items. Avoiding embarrassment at HQ is not the priority, but has merit if we are to convince the electorate that we not only listen, but we have a team which deals with such challenging questions internally before exposing the outcome publicly. This should give confidence to voters, local and national government officials, and the party is then benefiting from a transparent road map which airs the difficulties rather than submerging them," boomed the PM.

"It would be fantastic if we can achieve this," said IR, "I know there would be some areas of friction, but if we're dedicated to fairness and flexibility it has a chance. I would, however, like to raise the subject of my own involvement in the short term. I'm currently held in some regard by our citizens in Redwood Paddock, and with the local elections almost upon us I feel our position is enhanced if I stay with my present remit. Also, the citizens may feel let down if I move away from the local representation for which they elected me in an emergency situation, following the enforced resignation of Deprived Jimmy. It would be a double whammy, now that they have recovered some respect for their council. I wouldn't like to risk the council falling to another party."

"Mmmm, I had very much wanted your presence to inspire others to think along similar lines, there's nothing like having a success story to ignite endeavour."

IR sat quietly trying to juggle the various spin-offs and come up with a response which jeopardised neither the PM's initiative nor the local feel-good factor.

"Wouldn't it be possible for me to be involved in the same way as when you sent Mr Fungi to see me, until I have seen through my responsibilities at local level?"

"Well, you see, that is another question. Mr Fungi is very keen to take another post, for which the department concerned believes he has unique talents, a bit like my view of you in this role we are discussing today. I certainly do not wish to dilute this thrust with an 'also ran' leading the charge. Maybe I'll have to consider delaying or shelving this until after the national election, assuming we are re-elected."

Nice one Will. IR didn't want to see his entire effort to garner attention on local issues relapse into HQ resistance dogma.

"The candidate I thought might fit the bill is from the F.O.B. party, and he has been instrumental in helping me in various ways to highlight the cases you give me so much credit for."

"Are you out of your mind? I will not try to force you into this role, but the opposition heading up our truly fascinating brainchild....it's insane."

"Well, he is the same person who brought others into the Hospice accord, which I believe was an HQ suggestion."

"Yes," said Wishbone, "but that was not a keynote policy, it was a supporting mission to further review a specific concern."

The PM raced through his considerable array of persuasive alchemy, resulting in, "Do you think this chap would consider joining our party for this greater good you both claim to have served already?"

IR was floored. He wouldn't presume to speak for Tarquin. He asked for time to consult and promised an early reply.

"Good," said the PM, "I really would like to build on what you have achieved, and we do have to think outside the box occasionally."

***

Hedinsand was pretty sure that if Candida had anything on Fetid McMac she would have produced it by now, and this meant that the plan was going to rely entirely on a setup of a patsy, in the future, and on his watch. Plan B might be needed. The already documented poor team ethic of Norbert Webfoot and Candida Le Whammy was perhaps a good way to discreetly ask McMac, with his new-found confidence, if he was happy with such blatant challenge to his authority. Setting the two of them at each other would eventually result in an outcome. Either Fetid would call time on a belligerently zealous defiance of Health Department directives, or Candida's limited patience in contriving a false case against her boss would encourage her to fabricate one. It had the advantage of her thinking Trenchy's only agenda was to 'off' Fetid. This, if she tried to invoke it as a defence, would fail, because it was a purely verbal understanding. Any outburst would be perceived as a rant from a deluded egotist when confronted with any level of authority, a congenital condition. Arrivederci Candida.

***

Nakatolli Shogun was a fanatically reclusive personality in the conventional sense, but although initially reticent in chat rooms, he was intrigued by technical problems in a similar way to a mountaineer, who climbed something simply because it was there. He, a Fugi Monkey, interacted under various monikers, and claimed that solving this problem (he thought it was for an internet site, to help citizens interpret current affairs and legislation in a language for the lay population) would not be difficult. The main interfacing challenge would be the conflicting operating protocols of the humour chip, particularly the prompts and reception-deciphering software. The secondary potential glitch would probably be related to instant speech modification programming being time-lined with the new database access rates. This could be partly helped by an invention of his, involving parallel seeking devices. However, the basic programming really ought to be altered to get full synchronisation. He even voluntarily offered a more sophisticated log-in so that recognition of the first three characters would give some advance information of the identity, the fourth and fifth digits would sequentially eliminate all but the actual individual logging in. This would be useful if anything happened to the Old Speckled Hen, and, more important, would avoid her becoming conspicuous by continually using the pager.

It would be necessary for Nakatolli to install these personally, as he didn't want his intellectual property to be prejudiced. He would throw in the log-in reverse infection system as a freebie.

***

Just as IR's workload seemed to be diminishing, the in-tray blossomed again, but not from Echo. Sniffy had 'found out' that the exoneration of Duke and the potential additional conviction of Ormine had fired up many citizens. They had decided to stage a general protest against what they perceived as PC being at the root of difficulties in prosecution of offenders. Soft sentencing, and human rights all leading to zero deterrent for criminals and zero justice for victims. They were incensed as a society. They felt that society has become obsessed with not offending the offenders. IR had similar concerns, but knew this was a broad issue, not specific like the ones he had already taken up. He told Sniffy that targeting PC was going to happen and would take an eternity. The justice system similarly didn't offer a precise target, and was equally ingrained into our drifting grip on lawlessness. Sniffy had concurred but said the tip-off was still important, because tackling specifics, albeit admirable, would also take forever to change the direction of the anarchy super tanker. It was a question of whether forever was longer than an eternity. He understood the hub of government had to endorse change or lead it, and being a cynic he was pretty sure it wouldn't be the latter. The citizens knew this too. "Just thought you might want to be on board."

This troubled IR, because he had the perfect platform offered to him by Wishbone, but had a reluctance to abandon the unique local interests totally, in favour of a command position in the resultant hundred years of conflict. He had promised to get back to the PM anyway, and owed Tarquin the courtesy of a full briefing first.

***

De Vere had his heart set on celebrity but not at the admission fee of joining the W.C. party. He had to speak with Ruby. With the Holo-matrix down, IR could not confer with the Owl. Volpe, he thought, was a little too theoretical to help in this case. He was not sure that Mosey would do anything other than sit tight, and Enrico was already involved in the protest according to Sniffy. It was good in a strange way that he felt isolated in this instance.

***

There were rumblings around the country of similar local groups gathering, which would hasten the PM's deadline on a decision.

Surprisingly, and out of the blue, Richardson accepted the role as Head of LoGo-LIMP, which was upgraded to Regional Government Secretary, with a direct conduit to the Cabinet agenda via the PM, but obviously short of (and in fact to prevent) regional assembly status.

Sniffy hadn't anticipated his tip-off would have led to this. Tarquin was introspective about it, but now focussed on the local elections. Mosey was devastated, and Enrico was puzzled but philosophical. The citizens began to argue amongst themselves as to whether their pressure was responsible for such an abrupt decision. Otto was delighted at the gap this action had created. Mixim did not really attach any significance to it. The Owl presumably didn't know? Citizen Echo Tubthumper was in tears. The feel-good ambience had so swiftly been replaced by a kind of vacuum, doldrums hung over conversations. This however, didn't dampen the swelling numbers joining the movement for more local authority and accountability.

IR left his abode that day feeling that his glass was filling up very quickly. As he walked toward the Old Oak a groan-initiating familiar silhouette appeared ahead of him.

"Councillor Richardson!" cried Volpe with mock enthusiasm.

"Hello." IR retorted as he brushed past.

The fox quickly fell into step with him, the clinking of his cane against the pavement disturbing IR's thoughts.

"Well, who'd have thought it? You have prized a couple of malfeasant barnacles from their self-serving rocks. Stunning."

"I'm busy. What do you want, Volpe?"

"Too busy to talk to a concerned citizen, Councillor? Tsk. If you weren't so hopelessly determined to be the charming prince in your very own political fairy tale, I'd have you down as a master psephologist."

IR decided he was going to remain calm this time.

"Your empty words won't affect me. You're wasting your time trying to provoke me. What's this really about?"

Volpe shot him a calculating sideways glance.

"Between correcting blood-boiling injustices and your attempt to align De Vere and his cronies in perfect syzygy, with their empowered opponents in a theatre of righteous indignation, have you actually given any thought to the forces actually controlling you?"

"Oh yes...." IR said with a certain rhetorical eye-rolling, "the rich, and those media barons."

The fox seemed amused.

"You are a truly unspoilt shade of green, mon avis. A pea green boat being sailed by an owl who, in turn, is being sailed by a pussycat. Charming."

IR tutted. "What does that even mean?"

"It will dawn on your sensibility at some point, fear not. Methinks I can do no more here, Richardson. May fortune at least smile upon your intent."

"Thank you, citizen. I hope that it does."

Volpe stopped abruptly, Janus-faced.

"You know, of course, that failure awaits you."

"I disagree," said Richardson, "our successes to date have been more spectacular than I could have hoped for when I began......"

He was cut off

"Everyone in this political game is a player, Richardson, or they are a piece. You, I'm afraid, are the latter. You are useful for now, but that won't last. You'll find that there is nothing more likely to terminate political ambition than being right about anything when the government of the day is wrong about it. But do not despair, despite your impending personal defeat, your laudable naivety may shake the system enough for there to be real progressive change in the future. So, I repeat, good luck to you, budgerigar."

# Chapter 36

A New Era

The local elections had been shaped in part by the 'heroics' of IR, insofar as they had shown what could be achieved by dedicated individuals and popular support for clear policy. Unfortunately, it had also been tarnished by the perception that as soon as this delicate flower had come into bud it was prematurely pruned. Whether this was to suffocate any trend developing, or simply to suck promising individuals into the desiccated world of 'black hole central,' it mattered little. The overwhelming swing was away from the main parties with their constipated absorption of change. The obvious beneficiaries were the transparent ones, where promises were 'guaranteed' to be kept. This appeared to be a repetitive trend, and it pushed this local/national agenda to the fore.

***

Tarquin was not feeling as honoured as he might have been to meet Ruby Bickerstacks, and she added to that by lecturing him about loyalty. She proceeded to urge him to accept the chance to assist IR by taking his advice and resigning his party membership. The neutrality would be perfect cover for sabotage. De Vere saw a reflection of himself, and his previous antics with the Holo-matrix. He was ashamed that he had been just as bad as she sounded right now. Was he really going to make this career-ending sacrifice for what was being paraded as a noble cause?

Compared to IR's cause, this was a no go. Sadly, it was also part of the game for all parties, or more accurately, some individuals, who discredited the parties. He decided to accept her suggestion and vowed to himself that he would help IR, his traditional adversary, by feeding plausible disinformation to Ruby.

"I assume you want this to remain verbal and for our ears only, Ma'am?"

"Good, thank you Tarquin, there will be a time of reward and you deserve it."

He contrived an expression of gratitude. 'So will you Bickerstacks, to be known in future as the black widow, who stung herself,' he mused. This light-hearted thought enabled him to depart with a genuine winning smile.

***

Not surprising then that the BNP gained in popularity, a bit of an eyebrow-raiser that they captured a majority of council seats in the country, and an astonishing result that they succeeded in both Redwood Paddock and Hell's Hill.

***

Oh yes, and the paperweight evidence finally consigned Uranus Ormine to a custodial sentence. Although IR had weighed up his decision very carefully and concluded he could help more citizens in his new role, he was only now feeling the real pangs of guilt in moving away from his friends and colleagues. He would return of course in his new remit, but it could never be quite the same.

***

When Nakatolli Shogun arrived he had more excess baggage than normal baggage. Contingency planning was paramount. Although the operator was still reeling at the outcome of recent events, it was realised that the phenomenal increase in user participation of the Holo-matrix was key in getting even more awareness of the need for change. The power that the voters had in their collective grip was waiting to be galvanised into action. Nakatolli was a genius, and his modifications clearly illustrated what his gift could do in the wrong hands. He had slightly underestimated the power requirement, but that was where the excess baggage came into play. He was able to bring the original programming 'into the 21st century' and recover substantial momentum to achieve the targets set by the operator. He also suggested that a buffer should be programmed to prompt which data from users was to be re- routed to remote storage and which was to be deleted. If this was attended to on a weekly basis it would delay any system expansion until the user levels were above even the greatest aspirations of the operator.

The fact that the humour chip now worked well seemed little consolation when Enoch came back on line. In spite of all this glittering technical achievement there was nothing in his programme for him to reconcile what kind of blackout he had suffered, or appreciation of how one minute he was speaking with Richardson, and the next there was a new council leader, IR was gone. Perhaps an emotion chip would have been better.

***

Wishbone had already suspected that the local elections would deliver a backlash to his party, but he was flabbergasted at the extent of it. He was also surprised that it affected all of the other major parties just as badly. He wasn't surprised at the support for the BNP, and congratulated himself for holding back the EU referendum, and the inaugural installation of IR to achieve maximum impact at the national election. This was his master card and he needed to get on with Regional Government Secretary Richardson's rollout to the public. He was however, failing to take account of one facet of citizens' characteristics.

Redwood Paddock was proud that one of their own was being perceived as a force for good in all constituencies, a bit like a local young footballer representing his country. Judgement would also ratchet up accordingly.

***

Otto made the elementary error of telling the Owl of his intentions without doing any research, a trait in which common sense is seen as something which never changes. It was a curious paradox that he was elected without being popular - or was it? He hadn't given this any thought. The language of the implied is easily misread if it passes unchecked through airhead space, by-passing scrutiny.

"We'll be mothballing this facility. I just wanted to say thanks for the part you played in the journey to the new order."

"A little premature methinks," scowled Enoch, "your hasty evaluation makes me certain you have not consulted the citizens you are now pretending to represent."

"What's to evaluate? Purge is the new evaluate."

"Yes I see. Well if I ever have the misfortune to clap eyes on you again, I will know you were wrong, a bit of a mixed blessing really." Enoch would have felt proud of his sense of humour if only he had an emotion chip.

***

De Vere was having trouble just assessing the recent sequence of highs and lows, let alone coming to terms with them. The overriding emotion was one of questioning if it was all worth it, not typical of this self-confident, bombastic opportunist. He called IR to congratulate him and was intrigued by Richardson confiding in him concerning a proposal he had decided to put to the PM. Tarquin had a sudden urge to renew contact with the Owl.

"Greetings De Vere, I must say the sweeping changes almost made me forget our little jousts. Tell me, can a hologram forget? Although there is no point as I am to be componentised and enter the Valhalla of nothingness"

"You didn't previously mutter on like this Enoch, however I can imagine your syntax buffer is glowing at the thought of a software grim reaper paying a visit. Where did this idea come from?"

"The BNP Councillor, so I can only expect it to be swift. This may be our last conversation Tarquin, so let it be meaningful."

De Vere strangely felt very, very angry. As much at his own antics in trying to eavesdrop on the Owl's activities as Otto's bull-headed declaration. Then he thought....on what grounds or authority did Otto Nostalgia feel the Council could take this unilateral decision?

He told Enoch that he had good information that someone (and it was probably Otto) had been trying to access the Owl's sessions with other party members. Redwood Paddock's very own Holo-gate. He went on to add that it would be difficult to prove such a despicable act, but the suspicion might be enough for citizens to demand the Holo-matrix remained intact, so that Otto didn't get the chance to delete any evidence which could be damaging to the BNP. De Vere actually thought or believed that shedding a dim light on the snooping episodes wiped the slate clean of his own misdemeanours. This pseudo-altruism gave him new energy to get back on track. That track being 'destiny is the true reward.'

It stirred up a hornet's nest of antagonism to Otto's proposal and even more toward him personally. The speed with which he dropped the idea seemed to confer more guilt. He had a lot to learn in a short time.

# Chapter 37

IR wanted the PM to consider his proposal before there was too much fanfare. Basically he believed that the task would gain more credibility if it was outside party influence, as with permanent secretaries, who were non-elected civil servants. The mission could survive beyond any change of government.

"Mmmm.....I see," cringed Wishbone, seeing only too well. "But where will the momentum come from, if not the party?"

"It's my view that momentum generation should be the least of our concerns. If the question was 'how do we lower expectation?' I'd be a little uneasy, unless of course the whole exercise was just PR. Keeping control of the tide will be the province of the prevailing party. Control means dovetailing with existing policy-making procedure."

This is both advantageous and threatening thought Will Standin-Line (he was trying to shed his nickname, feeling it was inappropriate for a PM). He judged the short term to be the priority because if they weren't re-elected it was irrelevant to his own future. Live in the 'now' was his conclusion. If he had to reel in the project in future it was because he still enjoyed power. Obvious really, and just as obvious, was the uphill battle of the general election.

"I know that there will be trouble with some of the Cabinet on this, but in principle I can visualise your neutral position being helpful, in view of our fragile majority. I would further propose that until the infant has come off the breast, tottered through adolescence, and gained accreditation as a balanced means of generating change, you report direct to me. This is irregular but so is the project."

"I'll wait to hear from you PM."

"That will be soon, as soon as I can acquaint the Cabinet and the Administrative Office of the rudiments of what we have developed so far."

***

Ever since he testified, Malcolm G had been threatened by sidekicks of the frog and JJJ. Several times he reported this to law enforcement and all they did was record it. He felt really angry, and knew that if he had reported some individual who had made remarks about his origin or religion, they would have been investigated. So here we are again. An honest citizen who risks his own safety testifying at the request of the law enforcement 'clan,' to correct an injustice inflicted on another honest citizen defending his domain, is now denied protection from the same clan. It isn't difficult to conclude that getting the crime numbers to hit targets (a complete nonsense in itself) is more important to these clans than tackling the tougher aspects of crime. Further persuasion to this view is provided by the health and safety edicts preventing officers endangering themselves. It will logically extend to the armed forces being confined to barracks permanently, lest they get hurt. All part of the pretend world we live in.

On explaining this bizarre situation to Enrico, a different solution was explored. He would accompany Mal G to the Joint, with his camera. He had also arranged back-up in the form of a colleague who specialised in persuading thugs to lose interest in the threats they had made, by describing what may become of them if they didn't.

This was very effective in creating the necessary level of fear, but as predicted by Enrico, when the thugs reported it to the law detachment clan, it would be investigated, but simultaneously with footage from an anonymous source. Footage of those reporting the affray using drugs at the same establishment on the same night. Some searching questions would then be the order of the day.

Rather a convoluted way of ensuring the avid attention of the various parties, but the alternative was to give way to, or unwillingly assist, the castration of law and order.

***

Wishbone (humility was required on this occasion) floated the neutrality concept of IR's remit. He was correct that the Cabinet would challenge such a risky step. He managed to defuse most of it by embellishing his simple 'live in the now' concept, to which all politicians were susceptible, and it reminded them of their own career mortality potential. The fiercest resistance, unsurprisingly, came from Bristling Jo, in this case, not Maybe but Definitely. His elitist spines were quivering, regardless of which personality transplants he engaged. His first argument, as Chancellor, was spiralling lack of control of the budget, a common consequence with all recruits from the ranks. This was backed up with dismay that the proposed direct reporting, and its attendant recipe for supplanting traditional Cabinet order was just a transient vote-catching stunt. The tirade continued with the declaration that this was a white flag of surrender to the uneducated masses.

"Sorry," queried an angry PM, "which party are you a member of? For a moment I thought it was the W.C. Party. I could have been forgiven if I thought it was the Imperial Imposition Party. Do you have any objections which aren't based on fear? Or alternatively, have you actually bothered to look for any positive balancing factors?"

There was an outbreak of seat shifting, clearing of throats and inexplicable failure to prevent pens dropping to the floor, as members felt sufficient discomfort to request a comfort break. They all seemed to recognise a 'crossing the Rubicon' moment, except 'spikey the bristling hedgehog.'

The time out did not quell his head shaking, so the PM accepted a strong majority to test drive the idea, subject to no tremors from the Scavengers of Administration.

To that end Wishbone (yes, still Wishbone) suggested up front that Administration should have a member from their department on IR's team (or would that be shoulder?) in order to ensure time-honoured protocols were not abused. It was never going to find enthusiasm from these musty old suits, but it didn't meet with any fervent resistance, probably because they were in a hurry to get back to the re-design of expense forms with better scrutiny.gov features.

***

And so it was that IR resigned his party membership and took up his new office. Tarquin was besieged by a turmoil of conflicting emotions. He decided to contact Ralluph Wilderberry-Pork one last time, knowing he may not be receptive, fearing that Tarquin was likely to call in a return favour. The opposite was in fact the case. Ralluph was only too eager to suggest De Vere would be out of his mind to get mixed up in this charade with Richardson. Without explaining why, he gave it six months at most. Such unsolicited advice was totally out of character, and a bit of a volte-face.

***

Tarquin caught up with IR and delivered his decision. He was to ignore, no, rather decline Wilderberry-Pork's advice. "I'm on board Regional Secretary, now when can you explain to me why I'm doing this?"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry De Vere, I've managed to persuade the PM to accept my resignation from the party to really be independent, and I know you couldn't commit to such a radical step, which I know is due to fierce loyalty. It would be impossible for us to work together with such imbalance, a great pity."

"Things have moved on Richardson, the BNP tried to shut down the Owl, it was thwarted by the citizens I hoped to represent, but they are not alone. They live all over the country, and you are correct, we don't need political colours to get the best we can for them, dedication and a fair following wind will suffice."

"You mean you are actually prepared to resign your membership to help me?"

"Already have, I just hope you can also convert me to your method of staying cool under pressure from interfering fruit bats."

"Tarquin, our differences can be our strength, and don't forget, part of our remit is to exclude PC. I remember very vividly the Owl telling me to avoid being the architect of such a crusade. The PM has seen to that himself. Now we have to continue to create the environment it doesn't like. Brushing it aside will hardly be noticed if we can overturn more specific injustice, while at the same time restoring the citizens' free speech, unfettered by the retreating PC mantra."

"I can't wait. I'll join you when you're ready."

"Well, I want to return to Redwood to assure citizens and good friends that this is not farewell, just a refocusing of the example they themselves have set, and that I'll always come to banter with them whenever possible. So, I'll see you then and we can team up from there."

# Chapter 38

Ruby Bickerstacks had also analysed and shared one conclusion with the PM. That wasn't difficult, not a coincidence and not surprising, as it had been predicted by Otto and his like some time ago. Whereas the PM had the luxury of taking action, Ruby had to try to deliver only promises, and derail the governing party's innovative programmes. The promises had to be radical but not show existing policy in a bad light. A further irritant would be the minority parties with their opportunism, particularly the BNP, and particularly their leader.

Dolph Edicct, a wily and prodigiously tenacious woodpecker, knew this was the moment. It had to be seized, it may never come again. His most pressing concern was that the mainstream parties would escalate efforts to hijack his own party's appeal by offering simpler, transparent, decisive action, but from a 'party you know.'

He would have to press them on the finest detail in an attempt to worry or alienate their back benchers. He would also repeatedly call on citizens' intelligence to evaluate this copycat gesturing, within the perspective of why they had not done this until after the landslide of the local elections. He would coin the phrase – 'smear of fear.' This had to be pursued in a calm, even-handed way, not exuding arrogance, or even confidence, merely a trust in the electorate's ability to see through the deception.

***

IR's visit to link up with his unlikely team mate and old friends meant he had but a short time alone with the Owl, but there was one pressing matter he wanted to explore.

"What a wonderful surprise Richardson. I am both dismayed and exhilarated that you are scaling the echelons. I confess however, I will miss our exchanges."

"That's one of the things I wanted to ask you. You must have realised that although other individuals have pressed you on various aspects of your identity, I've refrained from such intrusion. I would however, like to air the possibility of having an additional or link unit installed in my new office, precisely because I'll also miss our regular chats."

"I am overjoyed to hear...., no I am not, I do not have an emotion chip, so it is not possible. I will certainly investigate this and by the time you can get back to me we will have an answer."

They spent a little time anticipating how IR's new challenge might play out and said goodnight.

A subsequent intensive internet conversation with Nakatolli Shogun was fruitful, and the monkey suggested a few ideas which would make the modifications more secure and specific to IR. He claimed he could produce a unit the size of a mobile communicator as an accessory to IR's office master, and a slick interface with the pub unit. The cost was considerable but was accepted.

This caused IR to wonder about the funding and even more about the fact that specification and installation schedule arrived as a message on his voicemail from Enoch.

***

With Candida gone, Fetid was enjoying life. He actually enthused in the policy shift away from being cost-effective driven to a true merit analysis. He was also free from the jaws of superiors and subordinates who took turns in making his position a miserable ping pong of frustration and fear.

Hedinsand found him to be receptive, diligent and loyal. Fetid actually suggested to Trenchy that it may be prudent to enlist the vehicle of IR to help spread the consultative intentions of a more flexible health policy. That policy had to confront the ever-increasing nanny attitude that citizens with somewhat 'self-inflicted' problems had a responsibility to help themselves. The state should be advising and counselling, but stopping short of offering financial bribes for giving up smoking, eating healthier, taking exercise, substance abuse etc. The funding from such a misdirected strategy would enable more research and treatment for ailments which are not self-inflicted, not least of all in children.

Hedinsand had floated something similar with the Chancellor when he first took office in Health, and recommended sweeping changes for NOSONICE. However, Fetid McMac's were more detailed and well thought through, and going with IR was a neat idea. He approved the suggestion.

***

Sniffy's high roll on news had been truly sensational in the last few weeks and he was feeling a bit flat right now. A log-in with the Owl was in order.

"I've heard you had a breakdown Enoch. How are you feeling now?"

"Breakdown does not cover it. It was, I imagine, more like cardiac arrest, but you see I am unable to imagine, and you must know I cannot feel. We will both have to observe this in our dialogue in future, as long as we both have a future. You must have been busy with all the events which have gone down recently?"

"Gone down?"

"Excuse me. I have this modified humour chip which has plagued my recent conversations. It somehow searches for brevity of meaning as well, and it is not confined to our traditional mother language. Loosened up a bit and quite cool..... There it goes again. I have limited control over it. Anyway what brings you here?"

"The first thing I wanted to convey was my relief that you have survived the blackness of Otto's intent. I had also heard rumour of his previous 'hacking' of your database. It doesn't seem like he'll prevail very long unless he avails of good advice."

"Yes, I cannot see where he would get it from but......oh no, tell me Badger that you are not up to something.... you are, aren't you? Well, do not try to involve me."

"All I mean to do is draw your attention to an opportunity which Otto has presented to us. Presumably he hasn't yet apologised for his threat to terminate the Holo-matrix, and he has attracted so much adverse reaction to himself rather than his party, that we could make some mileage out of helping him restore his natural arrogance."

"And what do we gain from this?"

"If we could somehow, well if you could somehow feed him with unsubstantiated rumours which I've given you, he could talk himself into being a liability to the BNP. At the same time it would provoke my sources into revealing more, in order to refute Otto's take. One natural consequence of this is the citizens of Redwood Paddock being angered at his misdirected prioritisation."

"So that is what you gain from this. And myself?"

Sniffy could detect that personally getting even with Otto did not carry the same appeal as it would have to a living Enoch. He then suggested that if embarrassment to the BNP was evidenced it would be beneficial to almost everyone.

"Aha, this is the very first time you have betrayed any political leanings. What makes you think the BNP policies conflict dramatically with my own? I do have some difficulty with the personnel but many of their efforts to unfurl red tape have merit. Obviously the citizens share that view, otherwise they would not have taken over so many councils."

Sniffy was beginning to regret this foray and decided to dangle a snippet. "I have it on reasonably good authority that Madam Butterfly, sorry Bickerstacks, is looking to discredit many W.C. Party initiatives and this could take in our mutual friend Richardson in his new capacity."

"Mmm, I have no entrenched allegiance to the W.C. lot. It just happened that young IR was so refreshing it didn't matter that he was with them. I do however, want to help prevent any sabotage of his new remit, so you had better keep talking."

Feeling better, Sniffy thought a temporary retreat was prudent. "I'll be back with more specifics very soon."

"Cool," said the Owl without further reference to his new vocabulary.

***

The new W.C. member who had succeeded IR, but failed to prevent Otto being elected, was considering a consultation at the pub. The new party member for the F.O.B. trying to fill De Vere's shoes was also a potential visitor. It was a pure coincidence that they arrived at the same time. There was a lengthy queue, now that it was such a popular venue. Cadwalladar Flimsy (W.C.) and Marcel Scrotum (F.O.B.) both decided to leave, then decided to come back, then both tried to usher in the other, then flipped a coin to determine who would stay. Having won the toss, Flimsy put Scrotum in to bat, without the usual protective box, and subject to some pretty testing bowling. Marcel was a retired solicitor and from a traditional family of Kestrels, going back many generations in the region. He had a habit, probably due to his profession, of leaving sentences unfinished, a deliberate way of inviting interpretation. He messed up his secure log-in a couple of times before Enoch appeared, and although he had known what to expect, he was not put at ease by the Owl.

"Yes, your first visit is it not? In what way may I help you?"

"I am Marcel Scrotum, F.O.B party, and having heard about the now famous relationship you had with ex-Councillor Richardson I wondered, if we could, well, maybe......"

"You need to be more specific Scrotum.... Although that is pretty specific in itself, physiologically speaking, wretched humour...I am sorry, please state your desired topic of conversation."

Draining in confidence the kestrel could only muster, "I believe IR caught the imagination of our citizens and although I am also interested in that aspect of party image, I would like to get elected into office whenever the next opportunity appears. So, I suppose I would like to.... if this is something.....if you are still......"

"I believe you may have deduced, incorrectly, that my relationship with Richardson was on a party level, and until you appreciate what it was fostered on, there really is little point in further innuendo of this type. May I also suggest you write down what you want, so that my database can search efficiently, and not via broken loops. Goodbye."

Some twenty minutes later Flimsy, a somewhat reticent doe, was startled at the simultaneous appearance and greeting from Enoch. "We have not had the pleasure, please state your purpose."

"Oh yes, I see, I am Cadwalladar Flimsy, W.C. party. I am curious about anything new and in this case it dovetails with my profession. Am I able to consult with you on matters of political belief, and if so, can I expect confidentiality?"

"I could ask you the same question. Perhaps you should consider just exploring specifics and establish a level of trust."

The deer didn't gain comfort from this proposal and yet didn't want to terminate the session so quickly.

"Do you have interchange with all parties? This could be a hitch, or is it a glitch, if you answer in the affirmative."

Enoch uncharacteristically humoured the flighty doe and offered to start with some innocuous subject such as the EU.

"Oh, I would have to prepare myself for such a complicated discussion, but you have not answered my question."

"Nor will I," thundered the Owl, "there are citizens in a long queue behind you, and they have genuine specific concerns, yet you who would represent them, spends his time tiptoeing around meaningless assurances that your party policies will not be exposed through conversations with me. I thought that party policies were to be conveyed with utmost force to as many citizens as possible. In fact a hell of a lot of money is spent to achieve that aim. I am not certain you have chosen the profession best suited to your talents. Please log out so that I can offer service to someone who knows what they want."

If Enoch had an emotion chip he would have at this moment been pining for the new unit to connect him with IR.

# Chapter 39

IR's conversation with Fetid McMac was very helpful in launching his new role with the local government representatives. The fact that there was no longer a NOSONICE was positive. Although the department itself had merely been renamed, the decision to cut its autonomy was of real substance. Acronyms were no longer well received and the simplicity of 'Health Medication Charter' seemed to evoke warmer feelings.

***

Richardson and De Vere concurred on the methodology of approach to local government; it should be one of eradicating problematic policy, but without inviting a wish list. Success was to be defined by acceptance of countrywide principles, with local finessing to follow. He needed the PM to 'sign off' on this before they began countdown.

Wishbone wanted to hear of a limited 'first contact' list before this hit the media. From their copious initial soundings the dynamic duo distilled the list to just a few core subjects.

Crime. Rights of Victims, Appropriate Sentencing, and Nonsensical Statistics-Driven Law Enforcement.

Education. Requirement of Pupils to Speak Designated Language, and Integration Initiatives.

Local Resources. The Strain Due to Mass Uncontrolled Diverse Immigration, and Benefits Review.

These items, together with Health Medication Charter, were considered to be a significant task, and it was also anticipated that certain locations may express different priorities, so the order of consultation could vary accordingly.

Wishbone swallowed a little nervously and expressed concern over tackling more than one at a time, but eventually accepted that to presume a priority on behalf of any local council would be unhelpful in maintaining exchange of ideas. The PM's blessing was given and the first gathering of Council Leaders was set up.

The resulting bush fire in the media quickly became an inferno. Ruby was very displeased that Tarquin hadn't leaked this to her, as it would have been a wonderful opportunity to ridicule the headless horse, now commonly known as the We Capitulate party. De Vere reassured her that this was not the time to act, and initially it would be prudent to support the citizens' desire to allow their local councillors voice their local concerns.

"Let the media have their field day, we need to be sympathetic until specifics bite, and then we choose where and when to engage the lasers. Relax, when there is something, you will be the first to know."

She bought it.

***

Back in Redwood Paddock the mayhem was reflected in the waiting line for the Holo-matrix. As there was no known VIP status with the facility, Otto could not avail of a session with the Owl. The same was true of Flimsy and Scrotum.

At the same time Nakatolli Shogun was ready to check interface protocols with the new unit. There was no choice, Enoch was to be offline at the zenith of his second coming. Collie had his best financial week in history and the Old Speckled Hen could not be guaranteed her usual seat.

Sniffy was desperate for Otto to log-in before attending the proposed meeting, as he had deposited a juicy morsel with Enoch, sketchy but intriguing. Unfortunately it wasn't going to happen.

***

IR addressed the gathering by welcoming all representatives of citizens of the land, and wished to mark the occasion by reminding them of the fact that both De Vere and himself had given up positions of importance in opposing parties to spearhead this initiative, which if successful would hitherto report to whichever administration was in power. It really was up to the attendees to deliver their best efforts on behalf of the citizens.

Even at the first coffee break there were factions developing, like a fast-forwarded development from the big bang to the solar system. Metaphorically reflecting such a process of accretion from the local elections, it ended up with a gas giant, a couple of habitable planets and a few ice worlds. The remainder consisted of asteroids which typically gravitated to a belt close to the bigger players.

The BNP was in a curious position, so recently flushed with success, they apparently had high leverage here to bully the government, and the invitation was from the government. At the same time the likely outcome would be based on compromise, a grubby way of inspiring popularity. The mainstream imposters were distrustful of each other despite apparent cordiality at the top of the parties. The Eco, Independent, Devolution, and Divinity parties were jockeying for influence via coalition. The Anarchy and Fringe types were enjoying the coffee, while observing the rush of the opening bell.

These tenuous gravitational clusters could alter depending on the organisers, Messrs Cassidy and Sundance. IR and Tarquin felt that the overwhelming clamour was divided into two main areas. Firstly, trends that the various groups were afraid of, and secondly developments they didn't like. A third observation by IR indicated that there were many representatives who would have liked to tackle the issues he himself had done recently, but this was inextricably coupled with fear of failure and subsequent fall from grace. He wondered what percentage of citizens were leaders compared with those who would always be followers. Just as significant was the number of disciples of apathy.

By far the highest on the leader board was crime. Despite all efforts of the Law Enforcement Office and the Government, nobody believed that crime was decreasing, and there was an absolute belief that targets were counter-productive. Crime had to be dealt with. It wasn't happening. Knife crime had surged to a point where the authorities were forced to admit concern, for once, disproportionate to the official massaged statistics.

There was extreme frustration that punishments were way too lenient, and even then they were frequently not served out. Although the anger did stop short, but only just short, of a call for restoration of the death penalty in absolutely rock solid safe convictions for murder. There was an outcry to get the law-makers and sentencing judges to acknowledge that we have had decades of leniency without any disincentive being realised. Therefore, if this has patently not worked, they must find another means of correction, rather than continue to preside over a collapse of civilised behaviour.

Many councillors suggested weeding out the administration would be a start, for example - the department called the, 'Sentencing Advisory Panel,' was a truly incredulous ivory tower. Even the name itself implied policy-making/moulding without accountability. The Government came in for scathing criticism that it was simply a vehicle to avoid taking direct flak. What on earth was the message here? It should be deleted, scrapped, annulled, trashed, and the Government must take direct control of the interface with the Wallies in the Wigs. What was the purpose of the Lord Chief Justice? All in all, quite an inflammatory discussion, and almost a threatening warning of civilisation falling from within. There was also considerable clamour for victims' rights to be clearly seen to have priority over those of the perpetrator.

When it came to nonsensical targets, if there was one above all others, it had to be the Health Service. Everyone could appreciate having figures generated on the success in treating potentially terminal conditions. They could also subscribe to the monitoring of more routine conditions in terms of whether improvements in techniques were confirmed. However, targets for administration costs and availability of services (including beds) should be dealt with as a long-term strategy, and how it reflects whether or not we are engineering out certain problems. Progress on new treatments was felt to be crucial, and most importantly, provision of adequate care for years ahead, not a 'this month next month accounting bible to convince us we were on track.'

All participants agreed it was going to cost more, and it was a question of how rather than whether it will be funded. The majority of councillors also said they would have to address the withdrawal of funding where citizens can help themselves in overcoming self-inflicted problems.

There was absolute agreement that where individuals were suffering terminal conditions, they should, if in sound mind, be allowed to agree to promising treatments, which may not have complete clinically certified approval.

The overriding view was that administration-led health care was unnecessarily focussed on short term number-crunching to bamboozle the recipients into acceptance that the service must be improving. When IR added his own recent crusade to this, the emotions spilled over. Pathetic dictates detailing which citizens should receive treatments on a 'cost-effective basis,' became the fuel which would potentially ignite the tinderbox of uprising. Fortunate then that the new Health Medication Charter could be announced.

Education was more of a mixed bag, as urban challenges were inherently different from rural ones and this highlighted a connection with crime. Most of the highly publicised knife crime involved citizens of school age. There was utter amazement that education in the current decade appeared to have drifted more to 'parenting' than learning. Teachers were suffering from a PC-dominated education hierarchy, and thus the legacy, a constant struggle to recruit sufficient quality personnel. There was also consensus that discipline protocols, or more accurately, lack of them, contributed to a growing apprehension of authority-drain, and a spill-over into post-school crime.

These remarks were more vociferously expressed by inner-city councils; the rural representatives agreed but drew attention to a steady trend of closures of village schools on cost criteria, only to add these pupils to bigger, less disciplined establishments, ultimately reflecting the same concerns as the inner-city members.

Academic standards were viewed with scepticism, and although it was accepted that education had to adapt to a changing market for employment and technological trends, the transition to more social sciences, graphic design, theatrical studies, and fashion diplomas was too swift and appealing. It created a vacuum in traditional and core vocations, often filled from foreign lands, and it attracted too many young citizens to the lure of limited 'celebrity' opportunities. Such 'career' ambitions frequently suffered extremely high failure rates in achieving lasting employment.

Then there was the hot potato of a multicultural, multi-faith, multi-language learning environment. Even in this think-tank atmosphere many of the delegates appeared reticent to say what they really thought. The BNP view was different, and partly because they were ready to sweep away everything which obscured the primary objective, and this further unsettled the hoverers. However, the recent demise of the position of Minister for PC did help in teasing out more support for a comprehensive change in attitude to discipline.

There was agreement that vast resources were being spent on this multicultural approach to teaching, in a plethora of languages. The knock-on effect of such a task was gradual but relentless constipation of the system. Whether or not this was helpful to integration was a further complication, but once again the most prevalent view was to encourage children to speak the language of the land as a basic premise for progressive education. Children were the best hope of avoiding a drive toward secular society.

A logical extension of all this was the contempt in which educational psychologists were held. True to their profession, they always knew better than anyone actually carrying out the actual function, although they themselves could not perform the task they were presiding over. There was also the comment that continuing blind adherence to psychologists' hallowed doctrine of teaching immigrants in in several dialects of 'Esperanto' was bankrupting the country, never mind the education budget. This was accompanied by cynical unanimity that these same psychologists would maintain that this was merely someone else's responsibility, next question?

It astonished both IR and Tarquin that so many diverse representatives held such common views, yet they couldn't or wouldn't risk being personally involved in generating change toward those views.

Inevitably there was frustration at such a catalogue of moans, unaccompanied by detailed proposals for tackling them.

Just as well that the last subject of local resources focussed on the general theme of decentralising certain responsibilities on specific issues, rather than becoming a slanging match, solely around immigration. Although the latter was running like a thread through most community difficulties, and had to be addressed, the discussion was more centred on irresponsible financing of dubious PC-driven hand-outs rather than dealing with unspecific immigrant paranoia and terror threats. Many delegates brought concerns out into the open, suggesting that limits should be imposed on just how much investment could be sustained rather than slavishly subscribing to an unharnessed inflow of new claimants, which in itself made indigenous citizens feel undervalued.

The PC brigade would normally respond to sections of society feeling undervalued, but not when it applies to the majority of law-abiding citizens, making up the core of the land. Really enlightened!!!

The common conundrum to be found in all of these issues for Cassidy and Sundance was how to address the cocktail of concern and apathy. How were they to scavenge through such an indictment of the base fabric of our society and turn it into a cogent, coherent blueprint? This wasn't merely to advise the PM where to begin. It was a crucial lubricant for the machinery of central - local government to be overhauled, refitted, and re-energised, to reflect at the very least a picture of the entire choir having the same hymn sheet. This was needed even if all parties were not singing to it all of the time. And time would tell.

Once the official debating was over, there was the relapse to the solar system analogy to deal with. Contributing ideas was one thing, but to endorse a structure was completely different, and Richardson knew it. He was concerned to banish the thought of this pilot scheme becoming just another layer of bureaucracy.

Prior to the session he remembered telling the PM that drumming up enthusiasm wasn't difficult, compared with meeting resultant expectation. He now realised exactly how that expectation must be addressed quickly, and without the millstone of 'committee mentality.' Tarquin concurred but was more preoccupied with what aspects he would feed to Ruby.

# Chapter 40

The new Holo-matrix unit had been debugged and appeared to be ready to go. Nakatolli Shogun handed over roughly scripted manuals to the operator and departed.

IR took delivery of his hand-held remote access device and studied it carefully, over and over. Just as he was feeling reasonably confident, he was disoriented by a pinging noise and a vibration, then the Owl appeared on both his office unit and the tiny screen of the palmtop, simultaneously.

"How have you managed to......?"

"I really don't understand it myself Richardson, but hey, the two-way log-in, only for you and me! It's right on man, I mean it does get a bit tedious being in access only format, but what the hell? Anyway, this is just a heads-up call to let you know we can parlay even when you aren't here in Redwood. The next step for me is to rid myself of this wretched humour chip software - it sucks!! Bear with me on this."

IR could barely contain his facial merriment, but his contentment at the new system being online was more evident, and the two of them exchanged updates, then agreed to connect frequently despite Richardson's busy schedule. Enoch said he was keen to hear of IR's précis of his upcoming discussion with the PM, following the Local Councillors' meeting.

***

Otto was really confused by the possible implications of Richardson's new role, and the direct consequences for his own patch. He sensed interference. The confusion was to be complicated when he next spoke with the Owl.

***

The PM had anticipated a messy outcome to IR's first session, but he had hoped for better. He had one eye fixed on the general election, and he preferred intentions at this stage, rather than action. He was unsure about the options of either bulldozing through a new blueprint or simply doing a feasibility study.

IR had given a weighting to each area discussed and there was no doubt that the Councillors wanted to see crime tackled first, in a radical and robust way. It's not unusual that the highest urgency is accompanied by the most tricky, potential solutions.

Richardson reminded Wishbone that he had been seen to act decisively on PC and NOSONICE, both of which had been received well, but he did acknowledge neither of those ulcers was quite as labyrinthine as the murky corridors of 'Justice.'

Wishbone was silently picking through the potentially catastrophic bits of the Justice Jigsaw and felt the least sensitive issue was the 'Sentencing Advisory Panel.' He didn't even know who ran it. There would be resistance somewhere between the setting up of the guillotine and the head falling into the basket, but nothing insurmountable. This however, wasn't pivotal enough in itself to convince citizens that a tipping point had been achieved.

Stirring up a hornet's nest was not the end of the world if the world containing it was breach proof. This was De Vere's first meeting with the PM and he was fascinated by Wishbone's ability to make laser-precision animal cunning seem so benign, almost noble. The PM asked IR to leave the matter with him, as he was bound by duty to share this challenge with the Cabinet, and do whatever it would take to achieve zero dissent. The next hurdle would be to foster zero tolerance from the same Cabinet on any orchestrated slowdown by the Wallies with the Wigs. After all, procrastination of some kind would be expected by such an invasion of their sacred burial grounds.

He also made Richardson aware of his intent to get the Law Enforcement Fraternity on board with this. He could count on Sean Bombortwo bringing the necessary clout of Homeland Security to the party. Serendipity then that the new organisation he had set up, that of Law Enforcement reporting directly to Sean. This masterstroke would facilitate the foray.

In any case, Law Enforcement would appreciate the scrapping of useless targets and a return to a sense of achievement in tackling crime, coupled with more appropriate sentencing. It was the cornerstone of a new horizon.

It was his view that the 'sentencing advisory' quango must be a 'buck-passing' entity, because that is how government works so well in the eyes of those looking outward. If these woolly, vague or skittery creatures advised the Judiciary and the Government, why then, after the execution, should the Government not take on the responsibility for giving this advice? This would be the point at which the containment field would be tested, and in this respect he wanted to prime the Lord Chief Justice that the foot soldiers in his profession were incredibly out of touch with life outside the courtroom.

He hoped this insulting condemnation would provoke a response of equal venom so that he could examine the weakness of their argument before it went out on all wavelengths.

This intrigued De Vere, who was already becoming addicted to such heady juggling of the available components. He had also gained sufficient confidence to air a suggestion. He made no attempt to dress it up, controversial though it might be.

"What if we leaked this intention after your Cabinet meeting?"

Silence, then a question.

"Leak it to whom?"

"To the opposition."

"What the hell would be the point of such a dangerous initiative?"

Tarquin suddenly felt perfectly at ease.

"Leaking disinformation would indeed be dangerous, but I fancy it would be the opposition who would be impacted."

IR declared he had lost the thread, but the PM hung in there.

"In what form would this hypothetical disinformation appear to be bona fide?" asked Wishbone

"Well, if you didn't inform the Cabinet of your intent to meet the Lord CJ, but it was circulated through two highly trusted third parties to the BNP, and another to the F.O.B. there would be an opportunity of an irresistible nature for the former, and a panic by the latter, to scupper the plan. The fact that they have different views on how the Lord CJ would react gets the insulting started and your entire Cabinet will verify this was never discussed.

"All of their sources will support this. If this is backed up by the LCJ himself, he will contact you at some point, and provided this is done before you pass sentence on the advisory panel, you can accept his wish to meet with you. When you let it slip that it was always your intention to axe this superfluous body, this may well have been the basis for the inaccurate 'leak.' In other words there never was any leak."

"How reliable are the third parties, and how would they be informed?"

"Ultra-reliable, sir, and I will inform them, no-one else will be involved, and you have absolutely no knowledge of this. The only other citizen who will know is Councillor Richardson and the remit you gave us is party-neutral, so we would be seen to have no mileage in killing our own future by starting out with disreputable behaviour such as this."

IR for once could not muster an intelligent question, but didn't like the ease with which the others were conversing in pictographs. All he could grasp was that a leak of a meeting which was never discussed, would result in that leak being perceived as not a leak, but rather mischievous behaviour, fuelled by opposition parties. Such shameful behaviour was their stock in trade, and it would actually cause the not intended, planned meeting to occur just as the leak had predicted. The really important point was that the leak caused the meeting, absolving the PM and setting up the counter-attacking he wanted, the bonus being the tarnishing of the opposition parties as a consequence.

Without feeling good about it IR didn't object.

# Chapter 41

De Vere informed Sniffy with enough time for him to pass this information to the Owl, and then contact Otto to trigger him to log-in.

"There's something afoot in HQ Councillor Nostalgia, I don't know what, but apparently it's going to hit the street very soon, can you enlighten me? This would be an excellent gesture, and I'm sure it would help to kick-start our mutual respect." Sniffy asserted.

Otto would have loved to have been able to deny the media any knowledge he had, if only. "Very vague Badger. You're fishing, I have nothing to say," retorted Otto.

Sniffy tried to prolong the chat by referring to his previous accord with IR until the penny dropped for Otto. 'Richardson, he mused - if he knows something the Owl will know too.' He rudely informed Sniffy that he had better things to do, and rushed off to the pub.

Sniffy made the call to De Vere, who then contacted Ruby on a secure line and dropped the grenade. She was pretty sure this was exclusively her grenade.

Otto logged in and deflected Enoch's false greeting. "I know that HQ is plotting something, and I've come to you to pledge further support for IR if it concerns or in any way involves him."

"News to me Nostalgia, I know nothing of a secret nature which has developed from IR's recent meeting. Well you were there weren't you?"

Otto was impatient, "Yes I was, but since then he has seen the PM, so it must be related to that meeting."

"Well, all I know is that the PM was impressed, and as a result he was going to take recommendations to the Cabinet in a fully-documented response to the issues raised. However, there were no specifics to which IR can attach further action until after the Cabinet meeting. It is curious though that one individual interacting with myself less than an hour ago made some reference to the F.O.B. party having dug up some indication of a meeting planned by the PM, supposedly with some high-ranking official outside the Cabinet. These rumours abound and you never know how reliable they are. I just assumed it was another smoke screen."

Otto could not resist the temptation to link the coincidence of Sniffy's tip-off and the Owl's revelation. All the Owl would tell him was that the source of the mysterious rumour was certainly not Sniffy. That did it. He went directly back to Sniffy and declared he knew what the Badger would dearly love to know.

"I'm afraid I do know, and because of the way you ended our last conversation I'm in no mood to trade snippets with you."

Otto recovered sufficient mental capacity to blurt out that some 'unknown' big shot was to meet with the PM without Cabinet knowledge.

"Yes, but you don't know the identity or purpose Councillor Bullshit. You're way behind. I got what I needed directly from the F.O.B. party. It is the Lord Chief Justice and it will soon hit the media."

Otto vanished and contacted the BNP leader Dolph Edicct. There was no time to lose. They wanted to discredit the F.O.B. lot for disclosing unsubstantiated accusations of this nature. At the same time they felt it was their duty to remind the Government that the only way to maintain the electorate's trust was to be transparent on such issues. This kind of secrecy and subsequent duplicity was inexcusable. Transparency was their way. TV was the quickest way.

***

Meanwhile, Ruby was giving an exclusive interview to Political Radio Today. The claims from two different sources broke within minutes of each other, and although there was commonality in the accusation, there were discrepancies in how the 'leak' had been detected. The F.O.B. response was that they never revealed sources. The BNP was adamant that the F.O.B. had leaked via a mole in the W.C. administration. Although this would be damaging to the F.O.B. party, it would be more damaging if it could be attributed to an individual rather than the entire party.

This raged through the media, and ultimately demanded a response from the PM. Wishbone did nothing but refer to the Cabinet meeting and willingly invited scrutiny of the minutes by independent administration personnel, then he called upon his Cabinet to add to the veracity of that check in any interviews they subsequently had with the media.

There was nothing to hide, there simply was no such proposal to meet the LCJ, and therefore pointless to deny further speculation as to why?

Ruby was trapped. She could hardly shift the inquisition to De Vere, who made it quite clear that he would rather accompany her to the gallows than help her. He said he had recorded her persuasive session when she extolled the virtue of his sacrifice in resigning from the party, to perform this higher selfless 'espionage' on her behalf. He required her to admit that this leak must have come from somewhere within the F.O.B. party, and that she would not rest until the individual was identified. Tarquin was sure she could sweet talk some other poor sod into a kamikaze mission.

***

The LCJ had patiently waited for some contact from someone close to the PM, if not the PM himself, as reassurance that no meeting was required. However, just as Tarquin had predicted, the media scrum had all kinds of conspiracy theories to sell, and he eventually capitulated to the constant intrusion into his public appearances, by the bloodhounds. He contacted Wishbone's office and requested an audience.

# Chapter 42

IR was trying to refine his sketchy model of central-local interface, which would hopefully work for all of the current areas of concern. It wasn't really a surprise that this theoretical approach threw up something which was vaguely familiar. It began to resemble a Federal-State balance, where central ideology was complemented with preordained regional flexibility, on selected topics which were clearly merited. No matter how many times he went over the same input, the result was identical. Tarquin agreed, and they both knew this would cause all hell to break loose if it was even suggested to the top brass. They visualised such a recommendation as 'Hello your Highness, how would you like to abdicate before abrogating all of your current responsibilities?' That's not how it really was but that's exactly how it would be interpreted. It was a bit like a philosophical discussion on death, it was all very interesting, but changed completely when you realised it was you they were talking about.

A step too far, too quickly? No - not too quickly, this would rankle whenever the concept was mentioned. Revolutions had to be claimed by revolutionaries and paid for by the very same champions. Too far? IR confessed to De Vere, that despite the noble cause syndrome in which they were probably deluding themselves, it still felt right. Furthermore, he voiced his preference for his former role, in which he had specific, concrete causes to raise on behalf of real citizens, whose circumstances he understood. This new stuff was more intellectually challenging, but very general in its focus, and tip-toeing around sensitivity was precisely what he had chosen to cut through in Redwood Paddock.

He told Tarquin that he was going to give it straight to the PM, and he was prepared to take the consequences, alone if necessary.

De Vere said it was his turn for confession. It was diametrically opposite to that of Richardson. The 'dealing' aspect at this level was what he had always coveted, and he didn't want to give it up now, or ever, this was what he was born for. He said the two of them worked well together, probably because they were so different. He was honest enough to tell IR that he couldn't advise taking this proposal as it stood to Wishbone. He was not honest enough to tell him of the blackmail of Ruby, and that it would lead to her downfall.

De Vere suggested to IR that a compromise would give both of them a chance to get what they wanted. If they went ahead and the PM predictably ruled it out, IR could hold out and Tarquin could try to find a modification which was acceptable. A twin approach, until IR decided whether he could jettison his natural intolerance of layered bureaucracy and castigation of 'No Entry' signs. De Vere could tweak the tuner until a clear reception was audible. Then it would be make up your mind time for IR.

IR nodded, then excused himself, as the now familiar ping and vibration sequence preceded the appearance of the Owl. Even before Enoch spoke, Richardson remembered that very early in their relationship, the hologram had told him something like this would happen. Maybe he would have to exchange thoughts on what happens next.

"You should know that Otto is under pressure, and is virtually monopolising my time. His boss has figured out that his sources on this 'leak' were non-specific and that his embroidery of deduction had run amok. Now that the F.O.B. party leader has set up an internal inquiry to find the double agent, Otto is presumed to have been the 'Harry Lime' in the network. I almost feel sorry for him, because although he is lacking subtlety of conceptual thinking, he is fiercely loyal to that which he does understand. This is exacerbated by my feeling of guilt. I have to admit that I had a hand in allowing him to convince himself that there was kudos to be gained for his party in spearheading an offensive, which was actually designed to backfire. How is it that I think I can feel guilt?"

"You. What do you mean? How could you have known?"

"Sniffy persuaded me that Otto Nostalgia was ready to sabotage your efforts with the PM, and he may well have intended to do just that, but in a public and transparent way. The Badger suggested this could be avoided if he was diverted by something which could be a bigger scalp."

"But what would Sniffy get out of such a charade?"

"He maintains that by precipitating this quagmire of true or false, it will push his cronies close to HQ into to revealing something of greater magnitude. Otto was possibly an acceptable sacrifice to this end. Anyway, the Badger was right about his other prediction. The residents of Redwood Paddock see Otto as having his finger in several juicy pies, without yet having delivered any confidence that he truly recognises what got him elected in this village. Comparisons with you are proving very difficult for him and he seeks my advice, but does not seem to have the semantic capability to lock on to any of it. This is despite the fact that my humour chip has been reprogrammed to be user-specific rather than a general function. I'll keep you posted, as Messrs Flimsy and Scrotum are talking of heaping fuel on the fire, albeit with their barely audible bark, and no intention to bite."

IR hesitated, but decided to bring Enoch up to date with his dilemma. The Owl didn't show any surprise, and said he knew this hurdle would arrive sometime but not how high it would be. Strangely he declined to offer any thoughts on the possible ways forward. This left Richardson feeling more than a little isolated.

# Chapter 43

De Vere was wrong, before Ruby could find a scapegoat, (actually, patsy might have been more accurate, as scapegoat seems a little too reputable), the tawdry conspiracy mill had overtaken her effort. She faced a vote of no confidence from the party centre ground, and this was almost certainly going to result in a leadership challenge. This in fact was the detail which Sniffy had been trying to winkle out of his contact, so his naughty little blending of speculation and bait had exposed what was apparently going to happen anyway, and actually helped define the point of crystallisation.

As yet he didn't have much of the original reasoning for the challenge but knew it wasn't merely the LCJ yarn. He had to keep digging.

***

Wishbone greeted Foggy Chalice, LCJ, with a beautifully contrived puzzled expression. The parakeet performed his usual reflex preening before taking a seat, and shifted uncomfortably.

"What can I do for you?" queried the PM.

"This damned baseless rumour will just not cease, and my professional and private life have become a hell-hole of intrusion and flagrant speculation. I do not, having no real experience with these tabloid vultures, feel confident in fire-fighting this alone, especially as it commenced with some assertion that you were to call for a meeting with me."

"Mmmm, I can only advise you Foggy, that no one has a complete recipe for dousing the sheer creativity of these guys once they have scented blood. They have an almost forensic ability to build a picture to go with the pre-existing frame. Facts are helpful to them, but not essential. They are as expert on litigation as I would guess many of your guys are. My advice would be to leave them well alone, Fifth Amendment style, and contribute nothing to their food chain. It's difficult I know, but you must keep right at the front of your mind the one definite fact here, that there was never any meeting planned or proposed between you and myself. The business with Ms Bickerstacks has ensured that the stakes are much higher than they could ever have been if we had met. What puzzles me in all of this is that I cannot even think of a reason that I would have needed to meet with you, and this aspect has got lost somewhere along Hans Anderson Way. No doubt when they have finished with Ruby they will revert to this and re-focus their attack upon you until the story runs out of steam."

Foggy preened and shifted again. "I can see the thrust of your advice, but dealing with it in that way is very difficult, when my entire life is based on decisiveness and getting at the truth. I feel I am at the point of being absorbed by the quicksand. I read new allegations every day."

Wishbone could hardly contain his derision. What was circulating through his cerebral delivery system was, 'decisiveness and truth - you arrogant self-deluding hypocrite' - and what eventually emerged was \- 'your noble cause must not be corrupted by these moronic birds of prey.' "If you speak out as you have just done to me they'll find a way to make capital with it. Their lure is the opportunity for you to put the record straight, but you will condemn yourself to further misery by the way they edit and allege. There is one other proposal I might suggest if you aren't able to merely sit it out."

"Oh, please continue, I am all ears," condescended Chalice.

"Well it could take them off guard. I was planning to do it anyway, and I wouldn't have needed to meet with you on this, but it would give them a story-ending feature."

"This does not really tell me anything, yet seems to contradict what you have already advised," injected Foggy, rather pleased with this sarcastic jibe at a mere politician.

"Suit yourself Chalice," chided Wishbone with a heavy intonation of addressing a subordinate. "You really are inexperienced in this stuff, and remember you came to me."

Preening vigorously Chalice was now more conciliatory. "Forgive me PM, it is just the situation. I am more than a little touchy, having my blemish-free persona brought into the grubby public arena. Please continue with your proposal."

Wishbone felt Foggy was now vulnerable enough to take the drop to the canvas and subsequent standing count.

"I intended, prior to this current soap opera, to dissolve the Sentencing Advisory Panel. Now seems like a good time. The media will be temporarily wrong-footed, as it is going to occur after your request to meet me, and believe me Chalice, they will find out about this meeting, they always find out. Initially they will believe you've suggested this culling, sentencing the Sentencing Advisory Panel. No bad thing that, as it means they have closure on their soap opera, no matter that this meeting only came about because they were wrong in the first place."

"Whoa there, you cannot just....."

"Just what your Honour? In real life, when sacrifices have to be made, for whatever reason, they tend to be cutbacks in unnecessary passengers rather than core services. Sometimes in the theatre of Government it's the opposite. This is real life, not playing house."

"I don't think you understand, this is where I have expertise, we can't simply....."

"No?" Wishbone interrupted Foggy with a withering stare. "Obviously you don't understand, these jobs for the boys have to go. First, they are nothing more than non-accountable scaffolding of your entire profession. Second, they have even less primary interaction with the society they advise upon than your lot. At least you justice-mongers see the well dressed, adequately represented, repentant villains in court, and you get a chance to see the victims' distress first hand. The Government has a huge responsibility to the public here, and so do you. The Law Enforcement personnel also feel continually let down by difficulties in prosecuting guidelines and subsequent soft sentencing. When it comes to parole staff and the psychology shamans who hover over them, the original sentence often becomes an incredibly insensitive marginalisation of the victims' or relatives' feelings, and indeed can blemish the remainder of their life. The fact that considerable re-offending occurs after these so-called enlightened 'fit for parole' recommendations, adds insult to injury. We therefore have to start with sentencing, then progressively expose these 'turn the other cheek' appeasers for what they are. I digress, but change is needed. This is the first."

"Once more forgive me PM, but you are talking as if the discussion has already taken place and this democracy......"

"Wake up Judge, we have a Primary Chamber of Commons and a Secondary Conclave of Lords, both serving as checks and balances. The proposals can be brought at any time by anyone. I'm merely pointing out that a more hands-on approach to sentencing will happen. It would be better for you to be seen as the architect of the streamlining, and the artisan of a new approach. Remember, the media will write it that way, and if you resist, they will script a new chapter of your personal hell, instead of concluding the onslaught. By all means give it some thought, but I'm preparing to tell Law Enforcement it is going to happen. Would you like a coffee while perusing your options? I have to make a call"

"Err yes, frothy with two sugars please."

"Help yourself, it's just down the corridor."

# Chapter 44

Meanwhile, during the frenetic lobbying of candidates to challenge Ruby, Sniffy's source revealed that one member of her shadow Cabinet had meticulously damning evidence of her failure to declare investment information, which was directly linked to her striking accumulation of wealth in recent times. There was apparently some suggestion of insider trading. This Cabinet member would rather not have brought attention to such scandal, but the LCJ innuendo was, although damaging to the party, not necessarily lethal enough to guarantee her demise on its own. It had however, 'luckily' opened the way to scrutiny of her character, so this current piggyback action was a totally justified means to rid the party of her entire trust-draining administration.

Sniffy wrote down the name and wasn't surprised that Rupert Neo-Altruist was timing his bid right now. He was a thoroughbred colt, with all the right boxes ticked, and he would always have ascended to the leadership at some time. That time was now, and although Ruby would never stand down, she was going to be stood down.

Two leadership challenges in the mainstream parties in a very short space of time, unusual – but, oh yes, - there was a general election looming.

***

When Foggy returned to Wishbone's office he was resigned to folding in with the PM's suggestion. When he admitted this, Wishbone clicked up a gear and said, "Good, now how are we going to tackle the aftermath? We need to get moving with this reform on crime in general, with emphasis on punishment and sentencing revision."

"Hold on PM, this is a whole different....."

"Excuse me for interrupting you yet again, but we can just drive this through from Government, as has previously occurred with, for example, extension of detention periods for suspected terrorists, or we can somehow work together on a course correction. I prefer the latter, but now that the EU treaty is temporarily mothballed, we need to strike, and please stop regurgitating your perception that this is exclusively your territory. I remind you that if you aren't part of the solution you will be tagged as part of the problem. You must surely see that unless we address this kind of citizen fear, it will breed uprising, and you would be swept away with the first storm. Your view of justice is antiquated, ponderous, and out of touch when lined up with the results of your deliberations. It is the psychologists you need to be out of touch with. I would like you to attend another meeting with myself and my colleague, Improbable Richardson."

This was a gut-wrenching prospect - meet with local have-a-go hero. But at least he saw it as buying time.

"Fine," said Foggy, "I will bring a colleague of my own, I shall wait to hear from you."

# Chapter 45

Dolph Edicct's research into Otto's standing in Redwood Paddock did nothing but add intent to jettisoning him when the time was right, in fact right now.

"Councillor Nostalgia, you struck a remarkable blow for the party in succeeding Cllr. Richardson. Your input at the recent seminar hosted by IR was inspirational to those of your colleagues who attended. Your loyalty to the cause is exceptional. Your judgement however may not be quite so watertight. Just when we have made such sweeping progress throughout the land you choose to compromise my own credibility by feeding me information which was claimed to be from reliable sources. In fact it turns out to be your own extrapolation of rather hazy conversations with a 'contact' who has been dead for decades. Any urgency to responsibly pass this through multiple TV channels, as a duty to our electorate, was crucially dependent on the veracity of the source. It was therefore remiss of you to fail to protect me from innocently conveying your opinions to the world, and parading them as facts. We live and die by our reputations. You have almost soiled mine and definitely ruined your own. It is possible and therefore necessary for you to go public in a way which rescues mine (for the sake of the party), even if it places your own future at risk. We are the party of decision. Yours is clear."

Otto was outmanoeuvred. He wasn't dismissed, but had no future beyond the next election. Resigned to accepting Dolph's edict, he would do it through the local media, without Sniffy's involvement. This would hopefully give him a chance to repay a fraction of the badger's trickery.

***

When IR laid out his blueprint for Wishbone, he tried to avoid the words Federal and State, but the disguise was never going to conceal the principle. In preparing themselves for the anticipated fury of the PM's response, both Richardson and De Vere had rehearsed a pretty impressive 'good guy - bad guy' dialogue, to ensure the meeting lasted longer than the coffee.

It came out of the blue. "This has merit. However, can't you both see the pitfalls in selling this to the many whose comfort will be disturbed by it?"

"Yes PM, and if you feel that it is unachievable......"

"Not unachievable Richardson, it would have a cost, a risk, and a possible payoff that dwarfs the downsides."

The two musketeers felt they had become three. Utterly ignorant of the payoff, and just as confused by the lack of emotion in the PM's evaluation, they breathed deeply and were grateful that the dialogue was interrupted by Wishbone himself, to take an urgent call – cue a comfort break.

The eye-contact between IR and De Vere prevailed without speech for what seemed like an eternity, as neither knew how to begin. Eventually Tarquin inhaled and gabbled something about shuffling the pack and dealing from under the table. Richardson was more circumspect, but just as devoid of an explanation.

"De Vere, we have to make sure we both heard the same thing."

They re-constructed Wishbone's words as best they could recall them and then proceeded to itemise possible reasons for the 'enthusiastic' reception.

1. PM had temporary political PMT.

2. PM had bigger fish to fry.

3. PM was preoccupied with personal problems.

4. There was a big picture about which they knew zilch.

5. There was an even bigger picture they couldn't see.

6. PM knew there was someone about to take a fall.

7. PM had to arrange for someone to take a fall.

8. This was simply electioneering clicking into gear.

9. This was a decoy. The plug would be pulled later.

10. The pressure of the election was getting to the PM.

Wishbone returned and this brought a halt to the paranoid search for an explanation. They had however, unknowingly hit on the reason. The PM resumed, "Please finesse this a little more in terms of suggested principles for central and local boundaries. This doesn't have to be item specific. Deal in those principles, but connect the dots."

Richardson and De Vere were suffering political whiteout, and felt more improbable than the famous caped crusader and his sidekick. They were ushered out of the PM's office like two victims of a hustle. They hurriedly agreed to spend more time looking for an explanation, and only then tackle the PM's actual request. They did however take it seriously enough to desire contact with the Owl. This in itself would be difficult as a duo, because of Tarquin's previous unscrupulous spying. A solo session for IR was needed, at Tarquin's suggestion.

***

The Holo-matrix was engaged and Richardson was impatient to air the web of intrigue with someone offering more neutrality and more distance from the actual conversation than Tarquin. After a couple of hours of busy signal, Enoch came through to him.

"At last," sighed IR, "you must be more popular than ever."

"It's Otto again. He is going to throw himself off a cliff in a gesture of unswerving honour."

"Oh," said IR, "that bad."

"Yes, he has agreed to whitewash Mr Edicct of any involvement in the famous leak incident. He has to claim it was his unilateral decision to take ill-founded speculation to the baying hounds of Baskerville. In return, he has been offered zero future in the BNP, but a conditional allowance to see out his term in Redwood Paddock. His main conversation with me centres upon reviving trust from the citizens. I keep telling him he never had that trust, he was merely elected, and that he had to begin to earn their trust. He sees that now, but the citizens castigate him for his lack of engagement with them, and how badly his indiscretion with 'leak-gate' reflects on their community. He fails to grasp that policies on which you are elected may need shaping to a degree. It is all black or white, odd or even to him, nothing in between. I have terminated his log-in protocols now because he has to forget his own image and concentrate on encouraging demand for his time from the citizens themselves. Anyway, this means he will no longer be interested in sabotaging the stuff which you are promoting. How did your meeting go?"

"That's why I've been trying to contact you."

# Chapter 46

It was not in Ruby's DNA to admit anything, let alone damaging revelations of her unsavoury appetite for power. Her compliance with De Vere to conduct a witch-hunt for the mole was slightly compromised by her belief in two unshakeable principles. First, everyone in power recognised the practical requirement to be flexible when stakes are high. Second, she knew she was very good at wearing the mantle of plausibility. Knowing something is dangerous when you are wrong. It's even more dangerous when you are facing, not a jury, but an adversary who is vastly superior with the aforementioned mantle. The evidence with which Rupert Neo-Altruist had been enlightened, had come from a party member of long-standing service and reputation, someone who was quite prepared to make this into a criminal investigation, if that became necessary.

Therefore, even if Ruby's mole did come forward, she was in deep trouble. It was her decision, get hit with both allegations, or accept that the vote of no confidence meant she had to concede to a leadership contest. Stark as the choice was already, it was plunged further into metaphorical Seppuku when she received a call from De Vere. He had been forced, out of conscience, to pass all the details of their little arrangement to a trusted Shadow Cabinet officer. Any subsequent disclosure of this pact would become a sword of Damocles, to be triggered if the party as a whole seemed in danger of sustaining more damage than any individual, no matter how high their rank. This mess had to be turned into a cleansed image for the F.O.B. party. This unspecific rhetoric was backed up with a monologue of his undying love for the party, a love which he had carried over many years and still carried to this day, despite his almost enforced resignation at the hands her ladyship.

She didn't have to be very astute to realise he no longer had anything to lose, and would certainly not be bluffing, whereas she was flirting with that same slippery slope. She also finally realised she'd been subject to a 'sting' by De Vere's initial call to announce the witch-hunt for the mole, otherwise he would have been forced to reveal all. She had been sold an elaborate dummy, and it was now crystal clear that he was going to reveal everything anyway. It was all over, she threw herself at the mercy of the tide of a leadership contest.

No one could blame her, except herself, when after the vote, as ex-leader of the F.O.B. party she received a third call from Tarquin. In even more unspecific language, she was rewarded with comfort in the knowledge that there was no tape recording, and he had no close friends in the Shadow Cabinet, well not yet anyway. He finished by declaring his thanks to her for ensuring his personal sacrifice was at least not in vain.

***

At the end of Richardson's briefing of Enoch, the Owl was just as devoid of an explanation of the PM's calmness as the dynamic duo themselves. When IR ran through the list of possible reasons, the Owl didn't react for some considerable time, then said, "Maybe the most important thing he said was to confine your re-division of accountability and authority to very basic principles at the outset. I tend to think he has decided to tackle this piecemeal, in order to avoid wrangling over specifics too early in the game. It would also stretch out the roadmap so that it wouldn't fail just before the general election. Better to have a really forward-thinking manifesto than one full of shipwrecks. I do not however see this as the full strategy. There must be a glittering prize, at least in his mind, to offset the almost certain threat of internal division of his party at this time. The general election must figure in this prize. I will have to give this more consideration, but I see no real downside to giving him what he wants, and review each future stage before you commit to it."

When IR ran this past Tarquin he received it philosophically and ventured, "At least we can continue to work together for a while longer, assuming we can give the PM stage one."

"Yes," agreed Richardson, "but let's not rush at it, we might want to test out the real time frame he has in mind."

***

Like any new broom, Rupert Neo-Altruist had ideas for the future, some for the election, some for the Cabinet, and some for rebranding the party itself. He accepted it had lost its way a little, and there was some urgency to deliver this appetite for change to the voters in a low key but relentless manner.

There was little time, fortunately, to have to protect manifesto proposals from detractors and hijackers alike. He needed to be the one stealing the thunder of others, trumping aces, and at the same time steadily detailing the party's own creative policy, which was designed to appeal to majorities. Those which were contentious when overlaid with demographic analysis would be kept vague for as long as possible. His re-branding was to be based on restoring what we appear to have lost, as opposed to the 'new' F.O.B. with all its attendant potential to be more of the same. He commissioned wide-ranging constituency research, to separate the issues that would guarantee losing the election from those which may increase the chance of winning. He sensed this was not an election like any of the last three, it was very much one of applying brakes to the frightening acceleration of undesirable trends in the social landscape. There was real fear that boundaries which have been at the cornerstone of family life were creaking and collapsing under the burden of being all things to all citizens, from all countries, all of the time.

Although in principle this seemed to be a laudable policy, it had been clamouring to be addressed for years. The pace had to be matched to the continual evaluation of the emerging consequences, not simply basking in the idealism of intent. It had been all too theoretical. The design of this research programme was crucial, if it was to banish scepticism, and to this end it would be both brief and forthright in subjects and pledges respectively. He already decided it would go much further than the current government in genocide of PC. He knew that despite Wishbone's swift action, the F.O.B. party was much more genetically geared for this than their W.C. counterparts. This opportunity was not to be missed.

# Chapter 47

Wishbone lay awake at night now. He had felt he knew what he had to do when Ruby was the main threat. Neo-Altruist was a different proposition. The ball park had changed. This served to intensify his thrust to place strong policies in front of the electorate. It hadn't surprised Wishbone, that in re-shaping his Shadow Cabinet, Rupert Neo-Altruist hadn't gone like for like with his own party. That had been Bickerstack's way. Rupert had drafted in only a couple of new members, but crucially had promoted hungry, intelligent, like-minded disciples to the big-hitting posts. They weren't sycophants, in fact quite outspoken on differences in detail, but absolutely on-board with what Neo-Altruist had deemed necessary. They also came across well in being prepared to subordinate personal views on such detail in order to subscribe to the restoration strategy. The new Chancellor was Gerald Latitude, a truly pragmatic falcon, whose ability to home in on targets, priorities and prey was highly impressive. Foreign Minister, Leonardo Porous-Borders was characterised by conviction that new life had to be breathed into a crusade to crush societal neglect. He insisted that such hands-off policy had toppled moral values, creating a monstrous, inverted iceberg. The rest of the cabinet didn't need to wonder how big the problem was, and this Doberman's bite made it irrelevant to worry about his bark. Sebastian Pifflereich, a ram who ascended to Shadow Homeland Security promised his allegiance, to exemplify his hillside farm talent of gaining footholds in seemingly impossible terrain.

One characteristic they all had in common would emerge as being instrumental in Rupert Neo-Altruist's decision to appoint them.

***

Richardson and De Vere had come up with stage one suggestions.

Central Command:

Crime – Proposing and Changing Laws. New Sentence Recommendations.

Health \- Uniform Minimum Standards of Care and Medication.

Education \- Redefine Core Subjects. Single Language Transition. Opt out of Multi-Faith Choice.

Local Discretion:

Adherence/Challenge of Sentence Recommendations.

Best use of Budget for Optimum Care.

Budget Flexibility to meet Local Ethnic/Indigenous Needs.

Local Resources: Covered by the above for budget preparation. Authority to challenge/discuss PC doctrine at all levels of local benefit allocation/control.

The PM did not quibble with any of this, but stopped short of saying it was fine. IR and De Vere were thrown into further confusion.

"Do you wish us to modify any of this PM?" said IR.

"No, no it will suffice, but don't proceed to detail as yet, I'll give you the green light when I'm ready. Please leave a copy of these preliminary principles, and thank you both."

***

This time both IR and Tarquin hailed the Owl together, and again Enoch did not betray any concern or otherwise at Wishbone's response. He merely suggested that indeed there must be a bigger picture, and it could be either one they didn't see or one they did not know of. Richardson decided to go back to Redwood Paddock, simply because the PM's timeout gave him the opportunity.

Before he could reach the pub he was intercepted by first Enrico, then Sniffy, then Otto, then Mosey.

Enrico said he was sadly missed, and that this Otto fellow would ruin everything achieved under IR's short but effective tenure.

"You must consider how to help us from your new position, if you can. The only citizens who now have any time for him are the villains, who were quite scared when you were here." IR assured Enrico he would look into the Otto problem.

Sniffy tried to explain to him that the Otto mishap had been unfortunate, but it had forced Rupert Neo-Altruist's hand in 'taking the leap,' and this was news. He hoped that Richardson understood. He also echoed the Owl's assertion that Otto had been drumming up BNP support to derail his and Tarquin's current mission. IR was not wholly convinced that the BNP philosophy would allow them to mount a serious campaign against something clearly in their own declared direction. He admitted to himself however, that he still had a lot to learn about what 'appears to be,' and his naïve way of viewing threats as simple replicas of the Wooden Horse of Ploy.

***

Otto fell over himself to apologise to him for everything under the sun. IR repeated Enoch's advice that he should accept his fate. That should not prevent him from genuinely trying to convince the citizens by deeds, not words, of his eventual realisation of his responsibilities. The time for words was long gone.

"It isn't easy Nostalgia, but there's no other way. Protesting your regret only inflames the deeply felt distrust."

Otto nodded vigorously and Richardson knew he hadn't heard any of this. Enoch was right, so IR 'switched him off.'

***

The encounter with Mosey was unusual. Barracuda, when brought up to date with all matters 'Regional Secretary,' energetically pleaded with him to stand back from his new position and view the entire landscape. "There are aeons, epochs and eras. There are millennia, centuries and decades. Sometimes they intersect. It's my hypothesis, no more, that we're about to see an era and a decade coincide with a resulting shift of attitudes of citizens and politicians. It could be compared to the tool and the grindstone. Depending on what the devices are made from, one or the other will wear more quickly. Alloying either of them with additional components can change that line of domination. Recognition of which alloys are needed to effect only as little change deemed necessary will be the name of the game, of one side, the other will be to unleash a major breakthrough, raising doubt as to whether the principle itself becomes invalid, and a new methodology can be born."

Richardson was impressed, had no idea what he was talking about, but impressed. Mosey continued.

"I've taken the trouble to write it down for you to review. It should remain in analogy form in case it should inadvertently fall into the wrong hands. The point of it all is to alert you to the probability that you'll need to delete the first two letters of your forename when considering the chances of your remit being erased before any final submission, to any party in power."

IR did translate this wordplay and demanded, "Why?"

"It will become superfluous by its own recommendation. That's not how it may seem now, but I feel it is inevitable. You should give this some serious thought. Consider giving a full proposal now, even though that is being portrayed as undesirable. Spend some time thinking about what you might want to do next, while you still have bargaining chips. I cannot advise returning to Redwood Paddock. The citizens would have you back in a flash, but it will never be the same, if I'm right."

Mosey disappeared, leaving IR without his sea legs. He hurried back to the pub and found a queue. He went to Enrico's to pass some time and imbibe a latte.

Again the Owl contacted him, but not before Richardson had replayed the Mosey conversation a couple of times over his coffee. He had concentrated on the prediction of his remit becoming redundant by its own recommendation. This is what he threw at the Owl.

# Chapter 48

The campaigning was in full swing, overkill in the media, overhype in the constituencies, and overwhelming for the citizens. The polls weren't in good agreement. The overall conclusion was that citizens were simply not predictable this time.

The BNP was confident, the F.O.B. party was gearing for one final push, and the W.C. party was taking nothing for granted. The also-rans knew by this time that they were going to lose their deposits, again

Enoch had requested time to consider IR's confusion, and he'd decided on exactly what advice he would offer. He sent a message to the budgerigar, suggesting he should make contact again in a couple of days.

Meanwhile, Richardson decided to test the PM's mettle with an additional piece to supplement what Wishbone already had. It was in relation to crime - IR said he had omitted this accidently, and requested the PM to consider it as an addendum. It hinged on local councillors' views that measuring and analysing clear-up rates of crimes was in itself counter-productive, if, as the evidence illustrated, there was no actual effect on those crimes being committed. It was simply a number without meaning, because it could only deal with crimes reported or discovered. It was an internal barometer, but didn't address fear on the street, or the relationship between sentencing and those clear-up rates. In fact, when the clear-up rates showed positive trends but the fear was still spreading, the trust was further eroded and breakdown of belief was bound to follow.

The recommendation was to free Law Enforcement from targets to be published and met, concentrating on reporting and convicting, and using trend analysis to give suggestions on sentencing which would offer real deterrents, as opposed to the current reward for misdemeanours, as long as the perpetrators promised not to re-offend.

The PM immediately responded by saying this was too much too soon. He stressed that getting into this alley was ill-advised now that the final stages of the re-election campaign were in motion.

This convinced IR that Mosey could be correct, without understanding why. He duly contacted the Owl as requested. Enoch believed the bigger picture had to shed its disguise very soon, as polling day was fast approaching. Timing was everything. He didn't provide any help on Mosey's conjecture, except to say that it must be related to this big picture.

Out of a stubborn refusal to act without proof, Richardson declined to start contemplating another role. Surely, if Wishbone won through he was secure. If he didn't then the only real alternatives were not so menacing, especially as his role was party neutral. The F.O.B. would follow the normal course of elected opposition, that of trying to benefit from policies they had tried to discredit while not in power. The BNP was so unfamiliar with power that, in the unlikely event that they did succeed, they would have to take time huffing and puffing before they blew the house down. What big picture would render these assumptions as erroneous?

Hours later it reared its head in public for the first time. In his final TV appearance before the big day, Wishbone played his strongest card to date. He announced that the new task force, piloted so far by cross party personnel, was preparing a kind of Federal-State balance of central and local control. Although this was in its infancy it would serve another purpose. It would challenge the wisdom of any further ratification of EU treaties, which were really heralding a constitution, with only a few of the words re-arranged. Such treaties would be unnecessary if a Federal-State approach was workable. If this country could demonstrate such success, then the model would be portable. He left it late to say that it had already been proven that it worked in one great nation. He knew this would have a groundswell of support from the citizens. The market cooperation and common currency could be acceptable, as long as the agreed autonomy on the proposed boundaries of law and policy were accorded due flexibility.

He was gambling that the promise of another term in power would overcome resistance of the rank and file of his own party. He was correct. He didn't however, take sufficient account of a pattern of behaviour, that citizens had been conditioned in the last fifty years of 'modern politics,' to vote for change when there was little difference between the promises of two parties. It was one of those times.

Rupert Neo-Altruist strangely lauded the proposal, and went further by pledging his newly formed Cabinet had been deliberately sculptured to carry through on such longings from our beleaguered citizens. He was sceptical that the dyed in the wool W.C. party could find the resolve to ignite such cohesive anti-EU pandemic, whereas the F.O.B. was founded on such bedrock. He left it to them to exercise their intelligence on which party the electorate could trust, without which the job would not get done.

The BNP had served their purpose. They had brought pressure on the big two, and gained significant respect for themselves, but this was not their time. The flush of success in local elections had underlined to the main contenders that getting their act together was critical to either of them prevailing.

# Chapter 49

Wishbone was dismayed that he had done so much to address his party's recent failings, a substantial part of it in spite of resistance from his colleagues, most of whom were against the reformation. He had considered other means of losing but not one of sheer change for the sake of it. He was aware of course that if Ruby had hung on he might have won.

Was the plot with De Vere a fatal error? He would never know. Dolph Edicct would become a noble example of losing again, especially after such stunning success at local level, but he failed to fully appreciate the forces at work. His epitaph would record that well-hackneyed expression, 'he has taken the team as far as he can.'

Richardson and De Vere pondered how the terrain would change with Rupert Neo-Altruist at the helm. They found out pretty well instantly. The new PM asked them to attend his office. He wasn't big on small talk. He praised their blueprint, and insisted that Wishbone's concept of using this against the lymph cancer of the EU was brilliant. So, the job was done. He didn't need an independent body to take this forward. In fact, it would cause friction in the ranks of his Cabinet. He believed his party was elected to govern, and committees were out. He regretted losing Richardson but invited De Vere to realign himself with his beloved F.O.B. party, and indicated his achievements with IR would ensure him a significant post.

Mosey had been absolutely right. What now? IR returned to Redwood Paddock, and on arrival, saw the citizens he knew so well, gathered around TV's in many locations, glued to the keynote speech of Rupert Neo-Altruist. He was outlining his programme of restoration of values. He centred his approach with a new slogan. There was to be a war on Moral Apathy. We had to stop this perceived nonsense of 'offending' individuals or groups of citizens who were perfectly capable of defending or helping themselves. It was labelled as a choice they had, to improve their own lives. Giving examples of obesity, drugs abuse, smoking, alcoholism, he insisted that this was the place to start. The cheers were perfectly synchronised to his practiced punctuation. A new era?

IR did not attract much attention as he wandered through the village, he could have been anyone.

When he finally caught up with the Owl, the Holo-matrix was free, everyone was hypnotised by the TV message. Yet another new beginning and its bedfellow - hope!

Enoch greeted Richardson with a muted welcome and expressed his genuine sorrow at his 'orphan' status. He also passed on a message that Mosey would like to see him.

Mosey Barracuda was virtually alone in not watching the broadcast. Well there was Enoch of course, but it would have been extremely silly for one hologram to watch another in the form of a Prime Minister. Apart from that, IR finally discovered that Mosey was Enoch.

It was a long story. Mosey had been born as the Earl of Plenty, and soon discovered that his interest in politics, especially with his rebellious leanings was doomed to failure, because of his conflicting heritage. Try as he might he simply wasn't trusted. He decided to arrange his own disappearance. He left the country and was on the missing persons list for many years. His foresight enabled him to deposit considerable funds in various locations, and under several aliases, with matching paperwork.

He blended smoothly into this Romany lifestyle. He underwent some cosmetic changes before his return. His chosen haven and guise as a homeless cat provided the essential seclusion for his idea.

This all fell into place for IR. It explained the funding of the Holo-matrix, and answered questions he had never asked. Mosey Barracuda confided that no-one else knew of this, and he wanted Richardson to keep it that way. He believed that IR could help replicate the concept and facilitate its growth.

"This is what you are good at my friend. You and I are both glorious failures, but we have made, and can continue to make a difference."

Richardson was grateful that he still had a friend, but decided to ask Mosey how he knew the likely outcome of all this.

"Well, I can only put this into the words of two of my favourite scientists. My prediction of the likely unfolding of the election result was a sort of halfway-house between the two eminent quotes." He explained quietly and without sadness.

"When the first big-hitting physicist was confronted by an admiring pupil, that his awesome explanation of the physics of the cosmos was so beautiful, he thanked the student. But he added a philosophical gem. He suggested that the young citizen should realise there was probably no alternative. The second tackled the advance of civilization and the conundrum of a God, or Super Intelligence, existing in, or as the cosmos. He characterised this entity as a regular geometric black object appearing in epoch intervals to facilitate shifts of progress in the intellectual capacity of citizens, from the dawn of complex living organisms to the present day. You see Richardson, the simplicity of this portrayal was its profoundness. When asked if this was his personal belief, the scientist replied that this was simply one version, the truth would be far stranger."

Richardson gazed at Mosey and in an instant realised that he wanted to work with this eccentric mentor, and pick up some of his ideas on the broader aspects of life. He told Mosey he would return shortly.

He wanted to pay a visit to those stone steps where it all started, both a short and a long time ago. However, it wasn't the same mist spiralling down the steps, this was the mist of the new PM's rhetoric.

# Dramatis Personae by Character Designation

Main Protagonists

Improbable Richardson, Budgerigar, Council Leader

Enoch Owl, Avian, Hologram

Mosey Barracuda, Cat, Villager

Volpe, Fox, Villager

Collie Moddle, Dog, Bartender

Tarquin De Vere, Peacock, F.O.B. Councillor

Sniffy Badger, Badger, Media Wheeler Dealer

Trenchard Hedinsand, Albatross, Cabinet, Education

Will Standin-Line, Bull, Cabinet, Health

Supporting Cast

Betty Hamster, Villager

Buckmananov Detroit, Racoon, Lawyer

Deprived Jimmy, Mouse, Ex Council Leader

Dimiscus Fungi, Beaver Cabinet Homeland Security

Echo Tubthumper, Weasel, Council

Enrico, Fox, Villager

Horace Hoarsescheit, Reptilian, Minister for PC

Jacky Jack Jackson, Jackdaw, Villain

Malcolm G, Avian, Villager

Marmaduke Pinstripe, Pig, Villager

Memphis Chloe, Pony, Villager

Old Speckled Hen, Hen, Villager

Otto Nostalgia, Otter, BNP Councillor

Pontius Schmuck, Chameleon, PM

Reynarda, Fox, Librarian

Ruby Bickerstacks, Mare, F.O.B.Leader

Rupert Neo-Altruist, Colt, F.O.B. Cabinet Minister

Sean A. Bombortwo, Mink, Cabinet Defence

Wimp Fargo, Duck, Cabinet Homeland Security

# Dramatis Personae in Alphabetical Order

* Main Protagonists

** Supporting Characters

The Remainder are Extras

Amaya Trollope, Frog, Villain's Partner

Betty Hamster, Villager **

Blanche Albino, Rabbit, Treasury

Bristling Jo Maybe, Hedgehog, Cabinet Chancellor

Bios Derailleur, Vole, Ministry of Intelligence

Buckmananov Detroit, Racoon, Lawyer **

Cadwalladar Flimsy, Doe, W.C. Councillor

Candida Le Whammy, Amphibian, NOSONICE

Cass L'Impotadur, Turkey, Speak North TV

Cliffetta Hemisphere, Thrush, Junior Culture Minister

Collie Moddle, Dog, Bartender *

Dazza D Ledger, Wolfhound, Head of Treasury

Deprived Jimmy, Mouse, Ex Council Leader **

Dimiscus Fungi, Beaver Cabinet Homeland Security **

Dolph Edicct, Woodpecker, BNP Leader

Dooblay Entendre, Viper, Council

Dremmy Parrasight, Hermaphrodite Social Psychologist

Enoch Owl, Avian, Hologram *

Echo Tubthumper, Weasel, Council **

Enrico, Fox, Villager **

Fetid McMac, Poodle, NOSONICE

Foggy Chalice, Kestrel, Lord Chief Justice

Frauddy Mouthwater, Hamster, Con Artist

Gerald Latitude, Falcon, F.O.B. Chancellor

Horace Hoarsescheit, Reptilian, Minister for PC **

Improbable Richardson, Budgerigar, Council Leader *

Ibrahimovic Casey, Stoat, Enrico's Agent

Inscrutable Chas, Toad, Homeland Security

Jacky Jack Jackson, Jackdaw, Villain **

Joe E Shorts, Rat, Wey Aye Radio

Leo Porous-Borders, Doberman, FOB Foreign Minister

Malcolm G, Avian, Villager **

Maj. G. Wilderberry-Pork, Bat, W.C. Foreign Minister

Marmaduke Pinstripe, Pig, Villager **

Marcel Scrotum, Kestrel, F.O.B. Councillor

Memphis Chloe, Pony, Villager **

Mixim Otosis, Rabbit, H.U.F.F Councillor

Mosey Barracuda, Cat, Villager *

Norbert Webfoot, Amphibian, NOSONICE

Nakatolli Shogun, Monkey, Hacker

Old Speckled Hen, Hen, Villager **

Otto Nostalgia, Otter, BNP Councillor **

Placidus Avoidus, Earthworm, Council

Pontius Schmuck, Chameleon, PM **

Reynarda, Fox, Librarian **

Ruby Bickerstacks, Mare, F.O.B.Leader **

Rupert Neo-Altruist, Colt, F.O.B. Cabinet Minister **

Sniffy Badger, Badger, Media Wheeler Dealer *

Sarcasticus Exagerus, Mole, Daily Meadow

Sean A. Bombortwo, Mink, Cabinet Defence **

Sebastien Pifflereich, Ram, F.O.B. Homeland Security

Tarquin De Vere, Peacock, F.O.B. Councillor *

Trenchard Hedinsand, Albatross, Cabinet, Education *

Uranus Ormine, Frog, Villain

Will Standin-Line, Bull, Cabinet, Health *

Wimp Fargo, Duck, Cabinet Homeland Security **

Verily Knot, Ferret, De Vere Contact

Volpe, Fox, Villager *

Acknowledgement

Many thanks to Rhys J Smith for contributions to the characters and the arduous task of keeping me on track with all things grammatical.
