[birds chirping]
[dramatic music]
[pen scratching against parchment]
It's finished...
Hahahahaha!
[gasps]
Vikings!
No, please!
I am but a humble historian.
It is YOU whole will be history!
[splatter]
So.
From the future.
Just finished your book.
SO good.
My book?
You mean...
The Bible?
Oh really?
I've been calling it the bibble.
Anyway, bit short, but I liked all the sodomy.
Very cheeky.
Thank...
You...?
But what's up with the ending?
The dude just dies on a big T and then they
throw him in a cave!
Well, that's what happened...
No!
It's boring!
Bring him back!
Wh- How?!
He's in the cave...
And then he's not in the cave...
And then he flies away.
Whoosh.
That doesn't make any sense.
Tom: Okay, thank you, buh-bye!
... and then... he comes... back...
Oh no!
My twin brother!
I'll kill you!!
[splatter]
Oh, this is great!
Now people are eating chocolate eggs for some
reason.
But you should change his origin story!
You mean his birth...?
Give it a bit of mystery like "who's the father?
who knows!!"
It's Joseph.
Wrong.
Plot twist: it's a ghost!
Oh my God...
Exactly!
Ugh- Fine!
My long lost triplets!
[splatter]
Actually I've got a LOT more notes.
Oh noo...
I don't like all these characters.
I can't just kill them all!
Yes!
Kill them all!
Drown 'em.
Except Noah.
He's funny.
Put him on a boat.
B- But how would he?
[Tom belches]
And the animals!
They're also funny.
You gotta put them on the boat.
Oh, even the fish?!
PUT 'EM ON THE BOAT!
AAAAA-
So imagine, he's on a surfboard, but then...
ah!
There's no surfboard.
Aha!
He's walkin' on the water.
What's a surfboard?
And another fish!
But David and Goliath were friends!
I get it, I do, but how about David just straight
up kills 'im?
What?!
With a tiny rock.
That seems excessive.
And then cuts off his head!
And another fish...
No!
Water is boring.
Make it wine!
But I've already written water!
Pfft!
Jesus is a WIZARD.
Pew pew!
Now it's wine.
Is this wine?
That's ink.
Gaaah!
[Tom vomits]
And another fish!
"Oh, you want these slaves?
How about a lotta bugs!"
Tom: And then Moses uses his
jedi powers to move the water.
And then God's like "it's just a prank, bro!"
and Abraham's like "whaaa-"
Tom: So the salty woman...
Becomes the salt!
See the power was in his hair!
Tom: So the bears eat the children!
And then Donkey Kong says "trans-"
STOP!
Please!
I'm out of parchment.
Oh, that's a shame.
Well, thanks anyway!
See you for the sequel!
[sighs]
No!
My three similar-looking cousins!
AAAAAA-
And then God said unto tree, "may no one eat
from you again", and- Okay.
He just killed a tree.
He just killed a tree!
I can't do this anymore, this book makes no
sense!
Oh why don't you just write a better one yourself
then?
Oh, is this wine?!
