

Unencumbered Love

Cliff Key

Smashwords

Edition

Copyright 2014 Cliff Key

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Chapter 1

Celine Dion's The Power of Love blared and I jolted from a deep slumber. I badly wanted to hit snooze but my past with that procrastination button had rendered many negative repercussions.

As I wiped the sleep from my eyes, I suddenly realized it was Saturday, and I had no obligations. To assure myself I checked the screen of my cell phone, confirming the relieving reality. I quickly fell back onto my pillow and my arm hit something warm and soft, but firm. I looked over and gazed at the most beautiful naked body I'd ever seen. His back was facing me. My eyes made their way from his feet to his muscular, bronzed calves to his toned thighs, and then I stared momentarily at his perfectly round buttocks, to the curve in his waist. My peripherals caught a glimpse of a very distinctive tattoo, a Chinese peace symbol. I jerked up onto my left arm and the beautiful body rolled over. I felt my eyes and ears were deceiving me as he softly spoke, "Mornin' peach."

Lying beside me was the love of my life, even though it may never come to fruition. I'd dreamed of these moments since the third grade, when this angelic face first entered my life. His name is Kyle Turner. I am his "peach." I've never really questioned the pet name, but I'd always assumed it has something to do with keeping Georgia alive in each of us. I was always in denial each time I realized he was with me when I woke up in my bed, especially naked. This is a good indication a wild night had occurred, ecstasy I'd never know before him. Ecstasy that some people may never know exists.

I was nearly speechless as I fumbled for an appropriate response, and finally managed to muffle, "Mornin' gorgeous."

I could feel my face flush, just as it always did when he gave me this attention. By now I should be use to it, but inescapably, I felt feverish.

"What's with you?"

A small giggle trickled from my throat as I buried my face in his chest and kissed it. "It appears that you didn't get enough last night," I said as my eyes glanced down at his perfectly straight and erect cock.

"Oh really? After all it's the morning, isn't it?" he said seductively.

He flashed his gorgeous smile that melted my heart. I could only imagine that this is how chocolate felt left neglected in the sun. Before I knew it, he grabbed my waist, rolled us and lifted me on top of his solid body. I sat on his waist and peered deep into his eyes.

"Told you so," I said with a smirk on my face.

He pressed his full, curved lips to mine. Within seconds we were both panting like dogs in heat and he flipped our bodies to reverse the roles so that I was on bottom. He moved his face toward my erect nipples and one by one he licked them, biting gently, and then he licked down my chest to my abs until he reached the head of my now throbbing cock. He glanced up at me and smiled a crooked smile with his tongue sticking out of his mouth and then mockingly said, "Looks like you didn't either."

"You know, for a straight guy, you sure know what you're doing down there." I emphasized straight more than necessary. Shit! It didn't appear to have affected him thankfully. Generally that was a deal breaker. His being straight is a sensitive subject for us both.

I wanted to vocalize my pleasure, but damn these dorms, you can hear everyone's every whisper. Secrecy was of utmost importance, priority one - or at least to him.

"Learned from the best, but unlike you, I'm not a Hoover!" he stated teasingly and then went right back to giving me the best oral pleasure known to man. He had a way of curling his tongue at the tip and then sliding down the shaft while sucking that was almost instantaneous combustion.

I was panting heavily and my legs moved up, down, and spread further involuntarily. "I'm close," I moaned between pants. But he just continued as if I hadn't said a word. I thought maybe he didn't hear me so I repeated, "I'm really close." He started sucking harder and moving his hand faster below his mouth, so I grabbed his hair and shoved his head harder, up and down.

"K...Kyle..." and then it was done. "Oh, shit!"

I was breathless. A volcanic eruption had exploded into his mouth, but he never pulled back or spit. He rose up, smiling my smile, wiped his mouth and said, "Mmm, sweet and salty."

"You're a bad puppy, Kyle. I'm impressed. I'll have to add this to my list of 'Most Surprising Acts of Kyle - Memoirs of a Straight Guy'." Shit! I did it again!

"Kiss me," he said softly. My eyes met his emerald eyes and my heart turned to mush instantly.

I raised my right eyebrow and seductively said, "Okay, come here big guy, but, I can do better than that!"

"Mm hum, I know you can, you lion," and he growled and then met my lips.

I didn't mind at all that his mouth had momentarily held all of my love juice, that didn't seem to faze him as it was, which greatly impressed me. I, being a gay man, don't think I could swallow without somewhat grimacing. I'd never attempted to swallow his though, and now I should, it's only fair. I just hope I wouldn't spew all over him. I also hoped the chance would come.

When he kisses me the entire world is gone. In those moments, it was only he and I and nothing else mattered. A natural disaster could be raging and I don't think I would be affected at all, as long as our lips never parted. It was my protection, my desire, and my hope. Hope that someday I could feel this protection every waking hour of every day. No one has ever had his protection, it was only mine. Nothing else compared to my blissful moments. I could not be touched in these moments. And of all things, I could ejaculate without ever having been touched.

I slowly straddled him sitting up, still trying to catch my breath and whispered, "My turn."

"Actually, Clay, I've gotta jet. It's Saturday and I have soccer practice in," he checked his phone for the time, "an hour." And then my moment was gone.

"An hour?" I asked slyly, "a lot of time for a one minute man!"

"Oh that was a cheap shot," he said laughing.

"Don't worry, it's just a sign that I do an excellent job, and I'm irresistible," I teased as I thrust against his still raging member.

"Mmm boy, that's not fair. I wish I could stay, but you know I'll be benched if I don't show. Besides, the guys at the frat house are probably wondering where I am, and I've already gotta come up with some detailed description of the hot girl I bagged last night. You know the pledges look up to me."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Same ole routine," I said as I lifted my body off of him and made my way to the dresser and slid on a pair of underwear, turned and posed.

"Calvin Klein anyone?" I asked jokingly.

"Man, now you're really not playing fair," he whined.

"I can't help it you have an underwear fetish." I turned around so that my back was facing him, turned my head sideways, stuck a finger to my bottom lip and bent over and put on my best vocal Marilyn impression, "Oops, my bad, I dropped my soap, I better hurry up and grab it before someone violates me."

It was perfectly easy to be myself around him and seduce at the same time.

"Borderline cruelty," Kyle barked.

"Guess someone'll have to call PETA, you animal."

He was on his feet and embraced me tightly and I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he picked me up. He is very strong and built like a brick smokehouse. He absolutely drives me wild. Briefly, I was back in my moment. He slowly eased me down until I extended my legs and my feet were on the floor, my face buried in his neck, and my arms draped over his shoulders.

"Gotta go, peach," he whispered. "If I go now I'll have just enough time for a cold shower," he said teasingly.

"Go get 'em tiger." I couldn't help no matter how hard I tried to not look disappointed. I could never hide my emotions, because my incredulous face always gave me away.

"Aww, Clay, I'll see you again soon buddy. A couple of days or so. That's not so bad. If I stay too much, too soon, people are going to start talking shit. We've gotta lay low."

It doesn't matter how much he tries to console me, when it came to him leaving, I could never be comforted. I loved seeing him, being with him, and smelling him. I was drawn to his scent, his smile, his body, and his voice. Sometimes I felt that I could see straight into his soul through his eyes. My eyes were fixated on the floor, my mouth no doubt pouting.

"Claaaay. Come oooon. Don't be like this, you know I hate it. There's no reason for you to look so sad."

Damn it! I thought to myself, I hated feeling, and most importantly, looking desperate.

"Sorry," I pleaded, "I just hate it when you leave. I never know when I'll see you again, and I don't mean to sound or act desperate, it's just, well, I don't really know how to explain it." I said pacing the floor. "It's like waiting to vomit, you know you're going to and that it's churning in your stomach and you can feel it in your throat, you just don't know when it's coming and the anticipation is making you even more nauseous..."

"Hey, hey, slow down, you're rambling. Calm down. You know I have to keep it on the low, lower your voice. Please?" he said as he caught me and held me by both shoulders. I looked into his eyes and the emerald glistened and I could see alarm.

"Kyle, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so melodramatic and crazy. It's just that I have to act like the best friend straight jock all the time, just to be near you on campus. Not that I'm some Nancy or anything, not that that's a bad thing, but sometimes I just wish that the whole world could see." I regrouped and sighed. "You've gotta go or you'll be late. No need for that cold shower now, huh?"

"Not so much, but you're still wearing my favorites," as his eyes made their way to my lower extremities.

"Eyes up, big guy, you've 'gotta jet' remember?" I hated to say goodbye, so I choose to use something less permanent, "See ya around."

And then my moment came again without warning and I all my rants appeared to have never existed. I was thankful.

He turned away, got dressed and was at the door in less than a minute. He turned his head and glanced at me before opening the door and smiled my smile, and kissed the air toward me, and then he was gone with the shut of the door. I stood still, but I promised myself I wouldn't mope. I would try not to think about him. I went to my dresser and flipped down the picture of us from a past camping trip taken by one of our mutual friends.

I needed a shower, although I'd love to take a bath. That's why I loved it when Kyle and I rented a hotel room. I prefer the Four Seasons. He prefers The Hilton. There were no tubs in this dorm, only shower stalls, but at least they were private. A shower would just have to do for now and I started my water. Freshman year, you had to stay in a dorm, unless you had family here in Washington, D.C. and I don't. I do; however, have money. Not that it mattered much here. My parents at least paid double room and board so that I wouldn't have to endure sharing the already cramped space, which at least allowed me to move in a full size bed. What an advantage that has been.

I needed to let my thoughts drift elsewhere, and to not stay absorbed with him. He's the object of my affection. I know he really loves me as a friend, sometimes I think it's really more. Someday, I have to believe he'll grow some balls and just come out and claim me. My greatest fear is that a woman will steal his heart. Would he forget me? Could I even exist? I shuddered at the thought and stepped into the steaming fog.

After several minutes of pondering under the hot water, I realized that I could not honestly tell myself that he would forget me, even if his life changed course. Kyle and I have been best friends since the third grade, when his parents relocated to Savannah, and we've always been close. He was the type that was always there when I needed him, ready to fight and defend our honors. He's the tough guy. I hate confrontation; however, confrontation to defend his honor would most likely release my inner Tyson. Without a doubt. I'd never had to though, really never have the chance, he takes care of the both of us. Growing up in the south and being two free spirits in the hills and woods, we were often referred to as fags, cock suckers, and queers by other boys who didn't have an understanding of friendship, only gangs of rebels. Or so they thought they were.

There's no way he'd forget me. Not a chance. I'd cross that bridge if God forbid I ever had to. Our relationship crossed beyond the friendship stage a year ago. My life was changed perpetually and irreversibly. Kyle and I had been hiking in our woods near our homes in Savannah for hours when it began to rain. We raced back through the woods to the pool house on my family's estate. We were soaked with rainwater and shivering from October's chill. I turned on the fireplace and we both stripped our clothing down to our underwear. This was nothing new, we often slept in the same bed wearing nothing but our underwear, but, they were boxers. I was wearing white bikini briefs, which were extremely revealing compared to Kyle's green and red Christmas boxers. I looked down and realized that they too were wet, which left nothing to the imagination. Embarrassed, I quickly sat down on the chair next to the fire. Kyle asked me what I was wearing, which didn't help alleviate my anxiety any. We laughed and he sat down on the floor in front of me and warmed his hands near the fire.

I had been attracted to him since we were young, but I had never disclosed these feelings to him, and I most certainly didn't make any advances. I knew I was gay at a young age, but I had never had sex, or even been close to a relationship with another guy. Kyle knew I was gay and never turned his back on me. Kyle and I sat silently near the fire. Then the most exciting and unexpected thing happened, which still mesmerizes me each time I recall it. Kyle turned his body and faced me. He didn't say a word; he just stared into my eyes, and created my moment and it was difficult to breathe normally. His eyes drifted from mine and I watched him explore my body, in a way he never had before. When his eyes rested on my crotch, I spread my legs a bit more to give him a better view. I had no idea what I was doing, but he made it obvious that he wanted to see more, which made my package swell, giving him more to view. His emerald eyes met mine again. He looked like a bronze god. The way the fire's reflection bounced off his skin and face made him look even more exquisite.

My heart was racing and I wanted to touch him, I mean, really touch him. He raised his body up and moved between my legs and kissed my mouth gently, as if he were testing his ability to follow through. I was glad he did because I was lost, and had no clue what was happening, or how to make it last. Lord knows I wanted it to last. After the kiss, he graduated to touching my face, neck, chest, stomach, and then my thighs. He moved his fingers slowly and softly. My breathing became labored the more he touched me and explored new boundaries. I had never been touched so sensually. I knew I was rock hard by the time he made his way to my crotch, and I gasped as his hand brushed the entirety of my member. Then he asked me what I was thinking, and I didn't have the ability to speak. My response was physical, driven by emotions and lust. I threw myself onto him and straddled his lap and made my lips meet his. And from there, well...I would never see Kyle in the same way. He instantly became the object of my idolatry, and I more than willingly gave myself to him.

"Damn it!"

I caught myself off guard as I realized I had thought out loud. I knew that not obsessing about him today was hopeless. He consumed my mind and soul, but I wouldn't dare let him know that I was so engrossed in him, although I know that he knows. My ignorant, selfish rants certainly blow my cover. As much as I try, I cannot help but dwell. I'm a dweller. As much as I hated to admit to myself, I love him irrevocably. Of that I'm sure. I just don't know how much he loves me. We've never said to one another, those three simple words in one sentence together, ever. I guess in doing so it would make us official, "gay", "queers", "cock suckers," everything we were accused of being by the wannabe gangs back home.

I've been liberated from my closet for two years, since the beginning of our senior year in high school. Kyle, well, he's straight. Or at least it seems, only outside my four walls. I consider him bi. He doesn't. He won't accept any part of himself being remotely gay, he just likes sex, but not with other men, only me. Or so he says, and I hope that's true, although I have no reason to believe otherwise. If not, my life would surely be over. Jealousy. I hate it.

I turned off the water, grabbed my towel, wrapped it around my waist, and wiped off the condensation that had formed on the mirror with my hand. I generally liked what I saw staring back at me. I took a close look in the mirror at the bags that had formed under my brown eyes. I couldn't recall what time I had fallen asleep or even last looked at the clock last night. I rubbed my eyes and stretched the skin under my eyes and sighed.

"Goodness Clayton," I said to myself, "What a night!" And it was, I thought to myself. "What a morning!"

Chapter 2

I forced myself to move past the encounters of the night and this morning. I felt a growth under the towel from just the thought. "Down boy!" I said aloud and went to the pathetic closet, which is the size of my linen closet back home. I had improvised, and Mom had helped design an organization unit that she had built by her carpenter, to maximize the use of space. It'll do for another semester, until I could live off campus. I grabbed one of my favorite white ribbed shirts, low-rise jeans, a brown belt and shoes, threw my clothes on the bed and walked to my dresser. I grabbed a pair of underwear, an identical pair to the ones that now lie on the bathroom floor. They were low-rise, sheer black with orange trim.

Kyle had no idea that once I discovered his fetish, at the first mentioning of this particular pair, I took note and bought every pair available at the time. Devious? Maybe, but it had proven useful. It drives him wild, and I have no doubt that our first encounter would not have occurred had it not been for a similar pair.

I threw my clothes on and grabbed my gym bag and headed for the door, and my cell phone rang. I was always forgetting my phone. I turned back to the bed and answered, before even checking to see who it was.

"Hello."

"Hey Clay. I gotta problem," Kyle said sounding as if he were hiding something, a sound I'd learned to pick up on easily through the years.

"What? What is it Kyle?"

"Calm down, it's no big deal. I've, 'em, I got kicked in the shin and coach thinks I need to have it checked out."Then he moaned. I felt as if the bottom of my stomach had dropped to my feet.

"How bad is it?"

I was trying to not sound panicked but I couldn't bear the thought of him being hurt. He usually never complains of pain, no matter the injury. I'd only seen him hurt one other time when he fell from a tree and broke his left arm. Even then, he didn't vocalize pain and didn't dare cry.

"It hurts to bear weight,' his voice was cracking.

"Oh, I'll be there in a minute. I was just out the door headed to the gym. See you in a few, where are you?"

"Hoya's field," he said still sounding in pain.

"Okay, you want me to stay on the phone?"

I was already in my black BMW and was rounding the corner. Luckily I was only blocks away and it would only take me about five minutes to get there, if traffic wasn't heavy. Luckily, most people cycled or walked around campus.

"No, I need to sit and breathe," he sounded exasperated.

"Where's your cell?" I asked instinctively. "Never mind, see ya in a few." I closed the phone and tossed the phone in the driver's seat.

"Damn it!" I said aloud, frustrated.

I hate soccer, I told him he would eventually get hurt. All I could think about was what I'd do to the fucker who caused the pain. Is his leg broken? Is the bone protruding? Did someone do this deliberately? I always overreact.

"Shit, shit, shit!"

The traffic was worse than I'd hoped. It figures, just my luck. All I wanted to do was be there in the blink of an eye, pick Kyle up and carry him to safety. Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded, it may just be a sprain.

As I rounded the field's corner, I ignored the no motor vehicles sign and drove straight to the bleachers. Kyle was nowhere in sight. Breathing was of importance for me right now, where is he? Just breathe Clayton, breathe. No time to panic. I put my hand over my eyes to shield the sun and peered across the field, no sight of him.

"Hey, hey, Jason?" I ran across the field to where he was practicing with the rest of the team. "Where's Kyle?" "How bad is it?"

"Whoa, Cowboy, slow down. He's right over there on the bench next to the locker rooms. We gave him an ice pack, that's all he'd allow us to do. Looks pretty rough, bruised to hell already!"

"Thanks."

I gave him no opportunity to describe anymore. I felt nauseous. Oh God don't let me throw up. I fought the thought and managed to succeed. I ran to the sports building, and as I rounded the corner, there he was, my beautiful angel doubled over holding his head with a rag.

"Kyle, there you are big guy!" Relief washed over me as he raised his angelic face and flashed my smile, I nearly lost my breath. "How are ya? How bad is it? Let me see."

I'm a premed student and was sure I could make a diagnosis, even in my first semester.

"Well, come here doc, have yourself a look-see." His breathing was a bit labored.

He squinted as he lifted the wet towel from his leg, and I gasped. I didn't expect to see what was revealed once the towel was on the bench beside him. His left shin was a deep purple, almost black with swelling the size of a baseball in the center of the bruise, obviously the location of the blow. A tear trickled down my cheek.

"Damn Kyle. This had to take an extremely hard blow. Who did this to you?"

"It felt hard, that's for damn sure. It was an accident, Leo did it. He was playing defense and I had the ball. He went to side-sweep to gain control of the ball and misjudged, kicking my shin rather than the ball. Ow." He grimaced,

"Sit still, don't move it." I said sternly, not meaning misplace anger. "Sorry, I'm not angry, just a bit worried."

I knelt down in front of him and reached for his left leg. "This may hurt, but I'll be gentle."

"Ahh, shit," he said as I gently touched around the knot that was protruding at least an inch. I felt all the way around without feeling anything out of the ordinary. But my initial thought, as indicative of the massive edema. "It's broken, Kyle. We need to go to the hospital to be sure. Without an x-ray, we can't be sure."

"I think it is too, pea.." he started to call me "peach," and I felt my face blush.

I wondered why he stopped mid word, and then I heard footsteps. A group of his fellow teammates approached.

"Hey there, Kyle, so, how is it?" Leo asked, smirking as he and others kept walking past.

I saw red. Before I knew it, I had Leo slammed and pinned against the brick wall.

"Fuck you, Leo, did you do this on purpose? Huh? Can't stand that he's better than you, huh?" I was screaming, "Fuck you Leo! I ought to kick your ass you mother-fucker!"

"Clay, knock it off!" I heard my angel's voice and snapped back letting go of Leo's collar, "I told you it was an accident," he claimed.

I didn't realize I'd been so rough, I just had a suspicion it was no accident. I turned to face Kyle and then felt a very hard blow to the left side of my cheek, and I lost my balance and hit the sidewalk. I could taste blood, and before the sensation hit the back of my throat, I spit the blood on the sidewalk. Then the dull ache hit me.

"Clay! Damn you, Leo! I'll fucking kill you. Clay?" Kyle raged, but when he called my name, I sensed worry in his shaky voice.

I looked up and saw Kyle rising to his feet and he lunged towards Leo but fell short and was stumbling forward to the ground over me. I instinctively and almost supernaturally rose up, flipped, and was on my knees and caught Kyle with both hands and broke his fall. I gently eased him down to where he was on his side in my lap with his head at my shoulder.

I heard a thunderous roar of laughter in the background and I turned to face the men, "Go to hell! Hear me? Get the fuck outta here!"

"Leo, you've got it coming boy, if I could walk, I'd have your ass in a bag."

And then Jason walked up the sidewalk and yelled toward the other guys, "What the fuck is going on here? Kyle, Clay what happened?" he asked while looking at the group of laughing hyenas.

Leo said, "oh nothing, just lovers protecting lovers, ain't that right boys?" he was still laughing.

The others regrouped and stepped back, silently. Kyle looked up and there was fury in his emerald eyes.

"It doesn't matter, Kyle, let it go." He was wrestling in my arms. "Hold still. You're gonna make your leg worse. We've got to get you to the emergency room."

"Okay, alright, where's your car?" Kyle asked. His face was pain stricken.

"Jesus, come on, I'm gonna move you over so I can stand up. Jason? Can you help me please? I need to get Kyle to the car."

"Sure, hold on."

Jason walked toward the group and acted as if he was going to lunge forward and they all scrammed. I wonder what hold he had on them, other than the fact that he is larger. Oh well, I thought, more important things to do right now. Jason returned and was in front of me and he lifted Kyle out of my lap and threw his right arm over his shoulder to help stabilize him.

"Hold on, I'll get the other side. Let's get him back on the bench. Are there no medics here?" I asked.

"No, not today, this was a make-up practice and I guess coach didn't tell administration, there's been no one on site. I've already checked."

"Kyle, you okay?"

"Yeah, just hurts," he said squinting.

"Jason, I need a few things to splint this before we get him into the car."

"Sure, what do you need?"

"A board, towels and medical tape will do. Don't they have kits here?"

"I don't know what they look like if they do, I've never seen one used, sorry."

"Okay, that's fine, if you could just round me up those three things, after it's braced, we can safely move him to the car without inflicting more damage."

Jason sprinted down the breezeway and disappeared. I looked back at Kyle.

"It'll be just a few minutes and then we can go. This may cause more pain."

I gulped as I realized that it would be my hands inflicting the pain as I braced his leg. I had to remind myself that it was for the best, without splinting, it could cause more damage, and thus more pain.

"I'll be fine, no kryptonite right?" he said trying to smile.

"Don't think so, but there's no telling what kind of radioactive material those supplies will be infected with if they come from the locker room." I shuddered at the thought.

"Ha! It's clean in there."

"I'm sure," I said smirking.

Then I heard the thuds of a jog and looked up to see Jason speeding toward us with both arms full of towels and a board.

"I think this is a splinting board," he said as he handed it over.

"Thanks Jason," Kyle offered before I could.

"Yeah, thanks a lot."

"You're both welcome. What next?"

"Well, this will be make-shift. Kyle, your leg is already pretty straight, and I'll tie this pretty loosely to cause as little pain as possible here. Jason, we'll place the board on the back of this leg, it's ideal to have two, one on each side, but this will do to get him to the emergency room. Then we'll place the towels around his leg, above and below the injury. The swelling is where it is presumably."

"You should be a doctor."

"Yeah, that's the plan," I said smiling at him. "Kyle, ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

Jason held the board under Kyle's leg and then I wrapped the towel around his leg below the swelling and bruising and tied it loosely. Kyle winced.

"Just a moment, Kyle, and this part will be over."

Jason continued to hold the board still while I tied the other towel above the injury. I wrapped medical tape three times completely around each towel to help secure them.

"All done. Now, Kyle, you have to stand, we'll help, do you think you can?"

"I think so."

I went to Kyle's left side and he put his free arm around me and I placed my left hand around his side, Jason on his right, and we slowly made it across to my car. I fought back the jealously that was trying to stir in me. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching him. How ridiculous, I thought, considering Jason was only trying to help us to the car, but for some reason, and I couldn't put my finger on it, I was. I felt at that moment like an idiot. We finally got to the car and I reached with my right hand toward the back passenger side door, and wondered why I hadn't just gotten in the car and driven it over to where he was.

"I want to sit up front Clay," Kyle said as he hopped to the front door.

"Thanks Jason, hey man, I really appreciate your help, I think we've got it from here," I told him sincerely.

"No problem, hey Kyle, text me later if you're up to it and let me know the extent. Don't worry about the guys. I'll take care of them. Be safe."

And Jason walked away. I helped Kyle into the car and got in the driver's seat and took off. Luckily, getting him positioned didn't seem to hurt him, he only called out twice. But that was enough, I couldn't bear it.

"How are you holding up?" I asked as I glanced over at my injured angel.

"Fine. What the fuck was that back there? I told you it was an accident, and you started attacking and then accusing?" he said sounding enraged.

"Sorry alright, you say it was an accident, then fine. I just don't believe so, especially after the way he acted," I said in a defensive tone. Suddenly I realized we were arguing and I lowered my tone, "Come on, I was just defending you, I didn't mean to cause a scene. I should've just gotten you to the car and went on to the emergency room."

"You're right. You should have. Although, I've never seen you so angry or aggressive." He said and I glanced over to catch him smiling my smile. "And the damn comments they were making made me want to pound all of them in the face. They've got it coming. I have to admit, it probably did make me look like a fag."

I was shocked. For a moment I felt I wasn't breathing. It never occurred to me how it would look to a bunch of straight homophobic idiots. His use of the word also stung a bit.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to disappoint you, I don't know what came over me. I was just infuriated and I honestly feel like this was intentional." I tried to explain.

"That's okay, peach, I thought it was kinda sexy. Are you alright? The fucker hit you pretty hard. I swear, that will never happen again. My damn leg! I could've killed him." Again he sounded enraged.

I glanced over at him and my heart was fluttering. "I have to concentrate on the road big guy, we're almost there." That was easier said than done because he, in an attempt to lighten the mood, made me aware of his soccer uniform by pulling at the legs of his shorts. I loved to see him in his soccer uniform, uninjured of course, simply not the case now, but it didn't matter at that point, and I felt awful that my mind was straying in that direction when he was obviously in pain, and his face and voice couldn't disguise it. When he spoke, he spoke with a tremble that made me want to cradle him into comfort, to take him to my magical place, the place I take both of us when he kisses me.

"A penny for your thoughts?" He asked slyly.

"Hum, let me see. You're most likely seriously injured, most likely a fracture. You're sexy as hell in your uniform, and I feel awful for even thinking about that, but, how bound you would be with a cast," I said mysteriously and blushing.

"You always blush. Ha! Ha! So what's under these?" He reached over and brushed the leg of my jeans.

"Aren't you hurting? Oh wait, that requires Kryptonite doesn't it?"

"Mm hum. Come on, let me see," he said and I glanced over to see his puppy dog face begging as he reached over and grabbed the waist of my pants and pulled.

"Damn it, why do you do that to me? It's cruel and I'm driving."

"I don't want to hear anything about cruelty, Mr. 'oh dear me, I dropped the soap...'" he imitated and laughed then deliberately smiled my smile.

He had caught on that his smile melted my heart to the point of giving in to any situation. My face must've given me away. I wondered when, was it when I discovered his fetish? Or was that paranoia again?

"Oh I see, you're gonna go there! Well I'll have you know, in case you don't already, I'm the master manipulator here. There's no reason to even try big guy! Besides, we're here."

I parked the car in the circle at the entrance.

"I'll be right back, I'm getting a wheelchair," I said as I opened the door.

"No. A wheelchair? Come on!" he said protesting.

"Yes. Or would you rather me carry you in like a damsel in distress?" I said counteractively.

"I guess not," he said looking down, and under his breath as I closed the door I heard him say, "Damn it," and I couldn't help but wonder why he said that. Did he really want me to carry him, or does he just really hate the idea of the wheelchair?

When I returned to the car with the wheelchair and opened the passenger door, Kyle glanced up with a disturbed look on his face and said, "peach, is this gonna hurt? I don't know what to expect, what are they gonna do? My leg hurts so badly. I need you. I need you to come here. I need you to just come here, hold me, please?"

He was crying and I couldn't bear the sight, sound, or feeling. I thought my heart would explode into a million tiny fragments, but I had to be strong, because for the first time that I'd ever witnessed, he wasn't. My superman was breakable. That thought I shuddered off immediately, I refused to believe it. Kyle doesn't cry. His tolerance for pain was much more than that of someone immortal. I had once witnessed him stab his hand and never even wince just to prove his brotherhood to me when we were twelve and making a pact against girls in our club. Although it was more a duo than a club, we only had one another, and neither vocalized interest in having other friends.

"Hey there big guy, I'm here," I leaned in and whispered in his ear as I grabbed him from under his shoulders and his thighs to lift him, "Your peach is here."

I lifted him effortlessly and eased him into the wheelchair, ensuring I held his left leg out as gently as I could, but I knew it didn't matter how easily I moved him, he would be in excruciating pain.

"Almost there big guy," I said trying to hold back all of my emotions so that my face wouldn't give me away. "I've got to lower your left leg onto the leg rest, this wheelchair is designed for a full leg rest, but I'll have to lower your left leg onto it, it'll hurt because it may hold your leg into a straighter position. If your leg is broken, it may rub the bones together, and if that happens, they may set back together which is extremely painful. That's most likely what the doctors will have to do, if it doesn't do it now, and the chance of that happening now is a thousand to one."

Tears escaped my eyes. I could only imagine how much this was going to hurt him. My angel. This is the act I was forced to do, so I had to endure it. I had no choice, he needed immediate medical attention and we were here. I felt so angry, and so vengeful, so vulnerable. I had to push through, there was no other option; for once, I suddenly realized, he did not only need medical attention, but he needed companionship as well, why else would he call for me just now? I had to stay. What other choice did I have? None, I thought to myself, not that I would leave him anyway, that would take me not breathing. I'll be here when he wakes up. They'll just think I'm his friend. Yeah, I'm his best friend and his parents are on the way. Which isn't a lie, I'm about to call his parents after he's back in the emergency room and has had pain medicine. I can hopefully slip away.

"Ready? One? Two? Three!" and then I couldn't do it. I continued to hold him still, terrified of shrill yells I would hear once I lowered his leg. Somehow I pushed through. I knew he needed attention immediately. I began to lower his upper thigh, attempting to keep his lower leg in the same position he had been. When I eased his upper body into the wheelchair and eased his right leg, he dug his face into my neck and breathed deeply, and then he kissed my neck, and I moved him closer to the seat. Then my pain became worse, he began to breath deeper and then the most awful sound I'd ever heard came, he softly whimpered.

I fought back the flood and continued, "Alright big guy, now the left leg, this will hurt, but you punch me, squeeze me, bite me, and do whatever you have to do to relieve the pain okay? Just do it alright, it won't hurt me!"

"Let's go, do it Clay."

"Here we go," I said squinting. With his body positioned in the seat and his right leg already resting on the footrest, I focused both my hands on his left leg, one at his calf, the other hand operating the control of the leg rest and I slowly held in the lever and with my knee, I slowly lifted the leg rest. Kyle's face was squinted and his eyes were closed, I knew he was prepared. Then with a few seconds of lifting slowly, his leg was braced on the leg rest and his leg was extended outward.

"Wow, was that it?" Kyle asked and I raised to meet his eyes.

Relief immediately washed over me in a sea of hope, maybe it wasn't broken. "That didn't hurt at all, in the least?" I asked in amazement.

"Maybe a bit, but I hate that look on your face. You always get that sullen look. If I made any more signs of pain, I thought your face would get stuck permanently. We couldn't have that now, could we pretty boy? It does hurt though. You think we could get inside now?"

"Of course big guy, let's go get you some Demerol!"

I wheeled him into the entrance and avoided every crack and pebble along the way.

A triage nurse met us as we entered. Luckily, the waiting room was empty, only seats and magazines racks, and a television blaring some daytime soap opera.

"Ouch, that looks rough! Have you been here before?" a tall, thin, brunette, and attractive nurse asked. Her name tag said her name was Claire.

"Yes I have ma'am. My insurance is on file here. This isn't the first accident I've had," Kyle said proudly.

"Yeah, well this is certainly your worse," I said.

"Well, then, you'll need to go register and then I can take you on back," Claire said.

"Oh, I can do it, you can take him on back and I'll catch up with you in a second, he really needs some pain medicine," I volunteered.

"Are you related?" she asked.

"No, we've been friends for many years, I know his information," I said as I walked away.

"Oh I see. He'll be in room 8 when you're done," she said instantly with a hint of judgment as she emphasized her first phrase. And a phrase it was. I let it go as I watched her wheel Kyle away, no need for another scene.

"Alright thanks, miss, I'll bring his registration confirmation and id bracelet." I turned around and yelled to Kyle, "See ya in a sec buddy."

Chapter 3

I registered Kyle effortlessly and without incident. Much to my surprise, I thought the orange-haired lady would surely give me some grief. It goes to show that that you can't judge a book by its cover. I rushed through the double doors and headed for room 8, where my angel awaited, and then I was frozen in my tracks when I heard an excruciating shriek nearby. I looked up at the room numbers and I was standing next to room 6. Two more to go. I felt like I was paralyzed, I couldn't move any part of my body. My mind was frozen. It was as if I were caught in a whirlwind of catastrophic events taking place before me. And the few feet to his door seemed a thousand miles away. The shriek occurred again and I quickly bolted two doors up, looked up, and I was at 8. I closed my eyes and then pushed the lever to open the door. As I entered, I saw a man wearing a lab coat and then peered into the face of my angel, whose eyes were closed and his face was beaded with sweat.

"What happened? Why was he yelling?" I said instantaneously in a panic before I shut the door and my heart sank when I saw Kyle unconscious on the bed.

"May I ask who you are young man?" the doctor in the lab coat asked.

"I'm Clayton DeVero, what's your name? Are you an orthopedist?"

"I'm Dr. Hues, no I'm not an orthopedist, I'm a medical doctor. And to answer your question, his screams were of pain when I assessed his leg, he passed out from the pain or exhaustion, but it isn't life threatening, this happens very often in patients with serious blunt force injuries. He'll be headed to radiology in a moment for an x-ray. My prognosis is that his femur is broken, or it may be a fracture."

I honestly wasn't listening to every word he said, I couldn't, I was absorbed, Kyle's face looked like he was exasperated, he had to be.

"Doctor, have you given him anything for pain?" My eyes drifted from Kyle and met Dr. Hues'.

"Yes, I administered Ativan, a moderate sedative, Mr. DeVero, was it? What relation are you to Mr. Turner?"

"I'm a close friend, Kyle's parents are on their way and I've already called them. Is there a problem? You didn't answer my question, what have you given him, if anything, for pain?" I was getting defensive. Shit! I suddenly realized I had forgotten to call his parents after I had him registered and knew I'd need to quickly.

"Step into the hall with me please, Mr. DeVero," the doctor whispered, obviously agitated by my forwardness, but I didn't care, my reason for being was injured.

We stepped into the hallway and Dr. Hues eased the door closed, and he immediately resumed his agitation towards me, "young man, I'm not obligated to share any protected health information with you, you're of no relation. However, if you'd like to question my ethics or practice, or even file a complaint, hospital administration is down the hall, take the elevator to the third floor and continue left, can't miss the brass sign," he said as he walked away with a victory smirk on his face.

I yelled down the hall at him, "You know, I'm well aware of HIPPA laws, doctor. Mr. Turner's parents will love to hear of our conversation, and I'll give them the same damn directions to administration as you've so kindly shared with me, for that, they'll thank you for sure. I'll have his permission to view his chart, be certain of that, and if it reveals no order for pain medication, malpractice will suit you well!" My victory smile was donned. For a doctor whose name represented colors, the man wasn't colorful at all.

I reached into my pocket for my cell phone, and of course, it wasn't there. Damn! I left it in the car, and then I realized my car was still parked in the drop off area. I hoped it hadn't been towed. I raced to exit and when I reached the glass doors, I saw the car still intact, exactly where I parked it. I ran to the passenger door because I remembered I had thrown my phone in the passenger's seat when I hung up the phone with Kyle, before the drama began. Thank goodness, it was there. Kyle must've sat on it the entire trip.

I picked the phone up and almost dropped it on the pavement. I've done that more than my fair share of times. The phone had sat in the heated car in the direct sunlight, which was beaming UV rays from hell. It was a reported 98 degrees and sultry. Mid-July, and the only thing I like about hot weather was being in a pool with Kyle.

I pressed and held 4, speed dial for Kyle's parents. Sweat was forming all over my body and I immediately started to feel sticky all over. The phone rang twice and Kyle's mother answered, "Mrs. Turner, its Clayton DeVero. How are you?" I tried to sound normal.

"Very well Clayton, how are you doing? Is Kyle alright?" she said in her eloquent voice.

"Actually, Mrs. Turner, that's the reason I'm calling," I could hear her gasp.

"What, Clayton? What is it?" she said panicked. She was having one of my moments, understandably so.

"Calm down, it's nothing too major. Kyle may have broken his left shin." I heard her yell for Mr. Turner, "He's about to have an x-ray so that we'll have something conclusive soon."

"How did this happen?"

"Soccer practice, another teammate accidentally kicked him in the shin while trying to take control of the ball during practice," and I couldn't help but feel like I was lying to her. I still had strong beliefs that the use of the word accident was ridiculous.

"Oh, I see. Do you think we should fly down?" she asked.

"At this point, I wouldn't be catching the red eye if I were you, why don't I call you when the results are in, or I can have Kyle call you himself, that should put you at ease."

"Yes, please do. Have Kyle call, and if I hear a hint of discontent, I'll be on my way."

Mrs. Turner filled Mr. Turner in on the details and they were discussing whether or not to come.

As they debated, I listened, impatiently I must admit, I had to get back inside, but I couldn't say anything. I'd done well up to this point in hiding my own fears, edginess, and resentment, I couldn't give myself away at this point. My largest concern for Kyle was his sports scholarship; he'd be crushed if he was forced to quit playing and not on his terms.

"Mrs. Turner, I'm going to get back inside. Don't worry yourself, I'll have him call you, and if anything changes, I'll call and let you know. One of us will call regardless when we know something conclusive." I was proud of myself. I think I managed to stay focused and sound convincing.

"Okay dear, you do that. Oh, and, thank you for being such a good friend to Kyle, you've always been there for all of us. Thank you," she said and I could hear the sincerity pouring from her voice.

"That's what friends are for. I'll talk to you soon, very soon. Don't worry yourself. If after you hear the results of the tests and you want to come out, I'll fly you here myself, that is of course if you'll accept."

"Oh no, we couldn't accept, but your offer is appreciated."

She sounded better, calmer. But I wouldn't let her refuse.

We said our goodbyes and I ran back to Kyle's room to find it empty. He must've already gone to radiology. I hoped he wasn't in pain. I hoped so much I felt I was willing the pain from him to me. I wished this had happened to me. It didn't, so all I could do was sit and wait. My greatest character flaw, my own self assessment, is impatience. I was granted none. I don't have patience for ignorance, lies, or waiting for anything. When I want something, I get it then because otherwise, I really didn't want it to begin with. I cannot handle anticipation. Obviously.

I sat down in the stainless steel framed, blue cloth chair in the corner of room 8. The chair was horribly uncomfortable. As long as people spend in these rooms, you'd think a recliner would be in order. I've never understood why it always took so long to receive emergency medical services. When I take my Hippocratic Oath, I vow to make a difference, and never to make people wait unnecessarily. This emergency room was no different than any I'd been in back home. It was small, white walled, the cabinetry was also white, with standard sterile stainless steel equipment, the oxygen and call button on the wall behind the now empty space where Kyle's hospital bed was. The countertops were lined with glass jars containing cotton balls, q-tips, tongue depressors, and alcohol pads.

I had no idea what time it was and scanned the walls for a clock and spotted one above the door, it read 5:25 p.m. I wondered what time Kyle had called. I checked the call log on my phone and according to it he called at 4:40 p.m. It had only been 45 minutes? It seemed much longer than that. I wanted to go outside to get some air, but I was afraid Kyle would be anxious if I wasn't here when he returned and I couldn't chance it.

Another 35 minutes passed. I was beyond annoyed and extremely edgy. It doesn't take that long to obtain x-rays. I got up and headed down the hall, scanning the overhead signs for directions to radiology. As I walked, I could feel my pace increase. I zigzagged through the maze of hallways and reached a set of elevators with a map to side on the wall. I read down the list of departments and corresponding floors.

"Radiology, floor 2," I said aloud. I pressed the operating button up. I could hear the whooshing sound as the elevator made it from floor to floor and I tried to wait patiently. I heard a ding and the elevator door finally opened. I rode it to the second floor. When I stepped off the elevator, a sign stated that radiology was to the right. I passed a couple of wide hallways and then there was a reception desk with a waiting area that according to the sign behind the desk was radiology. There was a younger woman behind the desk typing ninety to nothing.

"Excuse me ma'am?"

"Yes sir, how can I help you?" she said.

"Ah, yeah, I was wondering if you could tell me if Kyle Turner is still in radiology?"

"Let me see," and she turned her face back to her monitor and starting typing, and after a few seconds she stated, "No he isn't."

"What, where is he?" I must've sounded panicked, it would be no surprise.

"Sir, are you of relation?"

I knew she was just doing her job, but I was extremely annoyed and tried to calm my blood pressure silently and quickly before responding, "No, I'm not of relation. We've been friends since childhood, and I have to report back to his parents in Savannah as quickly as possible. Please, help me out."

"Okay. He's not here, he's being casted down the hall; but they don't allow people in the room unless you're family. You're welcome to wait here. Did you bring him in?" she asked.

"Yes I did." I was angry. "What were the results of the x-ray? It's obviously broken. What type?"

"I cannot release that information to you. You'll have to speak with Dr. Hues. I'm sure you understand my position," she sounded convincing and I couldn't take my frustrations out on her.

"Yes, thank you. A courtesy call from Dr. Colorless would have been nice. I've been waiting in the emergency room, his room to be exact, for him to return. Do you know if he'll be going back to his room?"

"Usually not, when a patient leaves here after having a cast molded, they can go home."

"Do you know how long this usually takes and how long he's been back there?"

"He went back about fifteen minutes ago, the type cast he'll be getting will take approximately 45 minutes to an hour."

"What type? Sorry, never mind, I know you can't reveal any more information than you already have. Your help has been greatly appreciated. Thank you very much. Okay, I'll just wait here then. Oh, do you know of an outdoor waiting area nearby, I could use some fresh air?"

"Down the hall to the left and follow the signs all the way to your right, and then, oh, forget it. I'll go with you, I'm due one."

"Great, thanks!" Finally some hospitality in this place. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Coraline. Yours?" she asked.

"Clayton, but folks call me Clay."

"You're not from around here are you?" she asked, I guess my accent had given that away.

"No, actually, I'm from Savannah, Georgia. Are you from here?"

"Born and raised."

We continued small talk through the maze of hallways until we reached a fire escape door. Coraline opened the door and it revealed a small patio with several concrete benches and large concrete pots used as ashtrays. There were several café tables sitting around, filled with people. People seemed just as anxious as I, aside the scrubs and lab coats.

"So, you seem distant. Is something wrong? I mean, most people don't seem so down when a friend breaks their leg," she asked innocently.

Is something wrong? I thought to myself. Did she even listen to me earlier? I realized she doesn't know the magnitude of my heart, or its placement in and devotion to Kyle. And damn it, I couldn't give that away, not even to a stranger. I couldn't betray his trust, and I wouldn't, not even at gunpoint. I collected my emotions and voice, although I couldn't be sure what my face was revealing.

"It's just that I've never seen him so vulnerable and he's injured pretty badly. I guess the worst part is that I haven't seen him before his x-rays and then he went straight into casting. I'm just worried about him," I said while trying to keep a 'straight' face.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

I could feel that my face was flushing red and I quickly donned a straight face.

"No! No! God no! He's just my best friend. Why can't two guys be close friends without being accused of being gay."

Good God, had my overreaction given us away?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just you sounded so affectionate when you spoke of him."

She looked away and smoked her cigarette as I stood completely speechless, hating the thought that I perhaps made her feel contrite. I had to say something.

"Listen, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to go all Nancy Grace on you. I'm just over-sensitive, a cat on a hot tin roof, if you will."Did that even make sense I wondered?

She looked at me and grinned, "Its okay, no offense taken. I'm just observant. There's no reason to apologize. Today my inner Cleo is off, I guess."

I couldn't help but wonder what she meant by, 'she guessed.' I must not have been too convincing in my swift attempt to disguise my love.

"Hey listen," I said, changing the subject, "I'm going to head back in. I don't want Kyle to think I've abandoned him here."

"Oh, okay, she said, I'll go with you. He may be done and I want to ensure you can find him without hassle," she suggested quickly.

"Great, thanks."

I was grateful, one less hassle. As we walked the maze back to the Radiology Department we again small talked about the weather and schools. When we reached her desk I could see him, my angel, awake and in a wheelchair, being pushed down the hall, toward me. My mind, heart and stomach were unexpectedly at ease. He smiled when he noticed me standing there, my heart liquefied. I wanted to run to him, but knew doing so would have negative repercussions for us both. Outing him, or even the slightest implication would be disastrous. I had to settle for smiling back and nodding my head up and saying, "Hey bro." My smile widened.

"Hey Clay!" he said obviously doped from the medications. Thank goodness he had been administered some.

"How do you feel, big guy? You still in pain?"

He looked up at me and grinned, "Ha! Ha! I feel great, nuffin'."

"Oh my goodness, what did they give you?" I laughed, trying not to sound as if I were laughing at him, but with him.

"I don't know, but it's great."

"Are you his driver?" the lady dressed in scrubs asked.

"Yes, I am, I'm Clay, Kyle's friend."

"Good, he's going to need some care for a little while, at least a week, he shouldn't bear weight on his leg for at least that period, but here are his discharge instructions and ER Report. If you have any questions, you can call. Will you be his caretaker?"

I hesitated to answer, but then I didn't have to be so bold as to say yes.

"Yeah, I'll be at his place," Kyle said almost immediately while moving his head up and down, obviously having a difficult time holding his head up, but yet I felt every blissful emotion emulate from my body, and at that moment, nothing could bring shame upon me.

"Coraline, thanks, I appreciate your help."

"You're welcome," she said as she looked over at Kyle and half grinned, "Feel well handsome," and then she glanced back at me and then back to Kyle.

"He will," I said breaking her stare.

I knew she could feel my glare boring a hole in her forehead. I couldn't help but feel the green-eyed monster overtake my every emotion at the drop of handsome.

"Ready to go big guy?" I asked redirecting the situation.

I heard under her breath, "I'm sure he is," as she walked away. I kept toward the door, retracting my claws.

Chapter 4

Loading Kyle back into the car was effortless, like a child in a car seat.

"Kyle?" there was no response so I glanced over to see Kyle completely out of it, passed out. He had to be exhausted. "Hey!" I snapped. Still - nothing.

He was so cute. His mouth was open and he was drooling on his shoulder. Bless his heart, I couldn't wake him, or disturb his slumber anymore, not that he heard me anyway. This was the perfect opportunity to plan the week. After all, we couldn't stay in my dorm for many reasons. There wasn't enough room for him to maneuver when he could. There was no tub and he would certainly need that because the cast couldn't get wet. He wouldn't, even under the circumstances want the fraternity to know he was staying at my dorm - not even for assistance. I would have to let them know he wouldn't be coming back there for at least a week. That's all he needed, drunken frats falling on him and rough housing with him. I reached for my cell phone and dialed "0" for assistance.

After a short recording I was prompted to state a city and state, and then I gave my listing,

"The Hilton," I said. I had thought about it for a brief moment and of course, this was his week, his time for attention and catering, I had to go with The Hilton, it's his favorite, "Yes, please connect."

The phone rang twice and a man answered very eloquently. My tone had to match.

"Yes, my name is Clayton DeVero, and I would like to reserve a suite for immediate occupancy." Speaking in a manner of confidence came naturally to me, I'd heard it throughout my life and used it when I needed to.

"One moment, Mr. DeVero, I'm checking the availability," he said politely, and after a brief silence, "Mr. DeVero, it appears the VIP Suite you've lodged recently is available."

"Wonderful, I'd like that suite for approximately one week to date."

"Great, will you be using the credit card on file?"

"Yes, that will be fine. I'll be checking in with one guest in an hour. I do; however, have some special requests. My guest is injured and I will need a wheelchair escort upon arrival, as well as use of a wheelchair throughout the stay. The wheelchair will need to have a full support leg rest. I'd like fresh fruit, and please order two dozen fresh yellow tulips for each room."

"Yes, sir. Will that be all?" he asked.

"Yes sir, thank you very much, I appreciate your assistance."

I hung up the phone and pulled into the dorm's parking lot. I hoped I didn't go overboard, but then again, I usually do. I then called Mrs. Turner back to give her the results and updated her, confirmed Kyle was fine and informed her where we'd be staying and promised her that Kyle would call himself when he was awake and we said our goodbyes.

"Hey Kyle," I said as I gently shrugged his shoulders, "Hey, wake up a sec."

"Hmm, what is it, where are we," he said, still heavily drugged.

"We're at the dorms, I'm running in and grabbing some clothes and some things, and then we're headed to The Hilton. There's more room there and you'll be more comfortable," I said, but he was still too groggy to comprehend, "I'm leaving the car running, and I'll be back in just a minute." I took my dorm key off the ring and got out of the car and sprinted inside and down the hall.

"Hey, slow down pretty boy," a familiar and disgusting voice said, "How's the jaw?"

I turned around and I saw the freckled faced red-head that I'd grown to hate in a matter of minutes earlier in the day. It took all my will to turn my head away from Leo. He kept taunting.

"How's your boy?" he asked with an emphasis on boy that made my face flush and heart race, I felt at any moment I'd transform into the Incredible Hulk.

"Leo, you caught me off guard earlier when I had my back turned, that won't happen again. I'll beat the fuck out of you and leave you to fucking bleed!" I was enraged and staring straight into his eyes.

"Oh, you grew some balls in the past couple of hours," he said laughing, "Scared of you, faggot," he said as he turned and walked away.

"Fuck you Leo," I said as I walked toward him with my arms spread, gesturing him to come on. I was ready to fight, all of my inhibitions were gone and I at that point didn't care the outcome, I refuse to be ridiculed or intimidated by this absurd idiot.

"Whoa, you'd like that wouldn't ya?" he said grabbing his crotch, "You want this?"

I didn't respond, I lunged forward and swung my right fist towards his face and was grabbed by a set of extremely strong arms and hands from behind. Arms strong enough to stop me in my tracks and pull me back.

"Enough! What the hell's going on? Leo? What the fuck man? Clay, what's going on?" Jason demanded. He was holding me still but I continued to try escaping his grip to get to the bastard who bashed me.

"Let me go Jason, let me go!" I yelled.

"Leo, what's going on?" Jason demanded again.

"Nothing. Mind your own business!" Leo yelled, "It's between me and the fag!"

Jason let me go and pushed me to the side a bit too rough and I slammed against the wall hitting my shoulder and my head on the wall. I instinctively grabbed the side of my head and as I looked up I saw Jason punch Leo and he fell to the floor.

"What the fuck, Jason!" Leo said shocked looking up and holding his mouth and blood escaped between his fingers until his hand was covered.

Jason extended his arm toward Leo in an attempt to provide him with assistance to his feet. Leo refused and used his free hand and legs to scoot back away from Jason.

"Come on, Leo, get up. I'm sorry, but I won't tolerate you bashing someone like that in my presence. Come on, let me help you up," Jason said calmly.

"No, no man. Fuck you too!" and then he looked at me, "You've been saved twice today pretty boy. You better bet I'll get you. You can't have a savior every time."

"Go on and try you pathetic idiot. You bash me because somehow it makes you feel better about yourself. What is it? Daddy didn't love you? Small dick? Or are you just an asshole?" I said counteractively.

Leo didn't answer. He was on his feet and headed down the hall and disappeared around the corner in a matter of seconds. Jason turned and looked at me. I was still holding the side of my head and most likely had an incredulous look on my face.

"Clay, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize I shoved you so hard. Are you okay?" he said troubled.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a bump on the head and my shoulder hurts a bit, but nothing major. Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I just can't believe the audacity of that asshole! Who the hell does he think he is?"

"I don't know. I do know I hate him. Hate's a strong word, I know, but I cannot shake the feeling of malicious intent about him."

"You'll be fine. He's all talk, you saw him run."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but, well, it doesn't matter, he's gone. At least for now," I said anxiously.

"Don't worry. Kyle won't let him near you. Neither will I," he said avidly. "Where are your keys, I'll help you in," he said reaching out his hand.

"Oh, there's no need, I'm fine, really," I insisted.

"No, no. Let me help you."

I gave in, reached in my pocket and gave him my keys. He opened the door and then led me to the bathroom in front of the mirror.

"Let me see," he said while removing my hand from my head revealing a knot on the side of my head.

"Jesus. I'm so sorry Clay. I honestly didn't realize I was that rough, I was just trying to get past you when I let you go, I was..."

I interrupted, "It's okay Jason. Really, I'm fine, it doesn't hurt at all," I said lying.

"You don't lie well at all." He said, calling me out.

I dropped my head and Jason tilted my head up and looked in my eyes, "Sorry, I'm not calling you a liar, it's just you know I've had my share of bumps and they don't feel great. Do you have something to take?"

I'd never really looked at Jason before, other than glances in the passing. As he got a wet cloth and searched through the medicine cabinet, I stared. Jason is buff and tan, and approximately six feet two inches. His eyes, sky blue, and his hair of sandy blonde and shaped to perfection. His facial features were soft, much like mine. They weren't rugged or hard, and his face seemed to be perfectly proportioned, the stuff super models are made of. I caught myself in disbelief as I scanned the rest of his body, which was nicely shaped and contoured by his wife beater and basketball shorts, exposing his muscular calves.

Jason came over lifted me to a sitting position on the counter, and stood between my legs, and then he placed the rag on my head and gently held it in place. I could feel the heat from his package, which was nearly resting against mine. I couldn't help but glance down. His package looked massive. He was obviously wearing a jock that positioned all of him up front. He must've noticed my uninvited glimpse and didn't mind, because he nudged his body an inch closer. His soft package was now making acquaintances with mine, intimately. I could feel my cock pulsing through our clothes, and I had to put a stop to it immediately.

I reached up and placed my hand over his and caught another glimpse of his eyes as I took the rag, removing his hand, and I held the rag in place. Jason was looking at me with a sensitive look in his eyes. I felt uncomfortable. Jason stepped back, much to my relief.

"Thanks, Jason, for your help. You didn't have to come to my rescue, I had it under control. I have to go. Kyle's in the car and it's still running."

"Oh, how is he?" he asked. Great, a diversion.

"Fractured. He's in a full leg cast and cannot bear weight on it for at least a week. I'll have his restrictions and excuse faxed to the university," I said as I walked out of the bathroom to my dresser.

"Ouch!"

"Yeah. He's on some pretty strong pain medicines for the first couple of weeks and then it appears the dose will be decreased. He's not feeling anything right now and is passed out in the car so I have to hurry."

"Well, at least he's not feeling anything. I'll give the coach a heads up."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. And again, thank you, for everything," I said sincerely.

"Not a problem. I'm gonna wait and walk you out. We don't want any surprises."

"Okay, but I don't think he'd come back now. It looked like you hurt him pretty badly."

"No, he'll be fine. He needs to learn his lesson," he said proudly, "But I did punch him pretty hard!"

We laughed and I started gathering some clothes from the closet and throwing them on the bed. I grabbed a suitcase and laid it open on the bed.

"D and G? Nice," he said impressed.

"Yeah, I'm a sucker!"

I heard him say something under his breath, but I realized what I had set myself up for. I grabbed a handful of socks and underwear and threw them beside the suitcase on the bed, not thinking anything about it. I turned back to the closet to grab some shoes and a carryon bag for them.

I turned to find Jason folding and placing my underwear in the suitcase.

"I can get that Jason."

"No bother. They're nice, but are they comfortable?" he asked as he twirled then around his index finger with a smirk that caused my heart to do a summersault.

"Yeah, actually," I said blushing.

"Huh. I would've never guessed. What are these?" he asked while holding up a pair.

"They're sheer silly string bikinis," I said embarrassedly.

"Sorry didn't mean to embarrass you, or be nosey," he said looking down.

"It's okay, I blush easily. I don't find you nosey, but I am curious, why are you interested in the underwear?"

"Oh, I'm just curious. Just looked like a piece of material to me," he said shrugging off the question.

I threw the rest of the clothes in the suitcase, grabbed both bags and headed toward the door. Jason quickly followed and grabbed the bags from my hand and I shut and locked my door. God, he must think I'm weak. We headed down the halls and Jason was scouring every hall, obviously looking for any sign of trouble. Once safely outside and at the car I opened the driver's door and looked in, Kyle was still asleep and had his head propped against the window with his mouth wide open.

"He could never be a druggie," I said jokingly to Jason as he placed both pieces of luggage in the truck and closed it.

"Take care, Clay, if you two need anything, just call. Where will you two be?" he asked catching me off guard because I hadn't mentioned that I would be with him.

"Um," I muttered.

"It's okay Clay, I know you two have been best friends for years, I just assumed you'd be taking care of him for a few days," he said reassuringly.

"The Hilton. There's more room there and we can both be accommodated easier there than anywhere."

"Cool, call if you need anything and I'll let the boys know how he is. Don't worry, I won't say anything about where you two are, or even that you're with him."

"Thanks Jason. I'm really sorry we've never really talked, you're a great person and somehow you've been to my rescue twice today," I said as I was getting into the driver's seat. "Generally I'm not a damsel in distress, which you must think I am."

"Ha! No, not at all, I was just at the right place at the right time. It was good to talk to you too. We'll have to do it again sometime. Next time though, let there be no commotion, and perhaps we can talk," he said chuckling and he smiled, revealing a flawless set of glistening white teeth.

"I'll try, but it seems commotion follows me. Goodbye," I said smiling and he shut my door.

As I drove away, I could see in the rearview mirror that Jason was watching us drive away. What just happened? I felt a sense of shame. As I drove I continued to dwell. As I dwelled, I realized, thankfully, that nothing had happened. The feelings I felt was nothing more than that of the unknown. I didn't know what Jason's intentions were, or what they are. What did he mean when he said we could maybe talk? Did he deliberately bump cocks? I shouldn't have looked! What the hell was I thinking? Obvious, I wasn't thinking. But, damn, he is pretty hot. It's okay to look right? I forced myself to not think about it anymore.

I looked over at Kyle and he brought a smile to my face. Passed out, mouth open and drooling, his face was still strikingly handsome. He was still laid back with his head against the window when we pulled into the entrance and parked at the extravagant valet area.

"Kyle, we're here," I said softly as I gently tapped his shoulders. "Kyle."

"Yeah," he said as he jerked up and looked wild eyed at me. "Hi there Clay-bay"

"Clay-bay? Where did that come from?"

"I made it up! Like it?"

"Oh goodness, yes it's great. We're here. Ready to go inside?" I asked laughing.

"Where are we?" he garbled.

He was still so doped up. I was thinking perhaps I shouldn't give him the next dose when it arrived. Then again, I couldn't stand the thought of him in pain. No, he'd get it.

"We're at your favorite hotel big guy."

"Clay, we could've stayed at your dorm. You shouldn't be spending all this money," he said looking at me with a better sense of reality and his emerald eyes were radiating. My stomach fluttered and I smiled and then Kyle smiled my smile, grabbed my thigh and caressed with his fingertips and said, "You ready to have some fun?"

"Always," I answered.

"I told you this morning that I would see you soon," he said heartening.

"You did, I just didn't expect it to be this quick and under these circumstances. And by the way, mister, I'll spend my money any way I see fit, and I wanted for you to be comfortable this week."

"This week? You've booked us for a week!" he said gloating.

"Yes, I did. You cannot bear weight for a week and we'll need some room to move around. I've reserved the VIP suite so there is plenty of room."

"Awesome! But Clay, that's a lot of money," he said with sudden reluctance.

"No, well, I don't know how much it is, it doesn't matter. I've told you. I am taking care of you, you're injured, and as much as you're going to hate it, you'll be using some adaptive equipment."

"What adaptive equipment?"

"You must know at least, presumably, a wheelchair. You're not staying in bed all week."

"Who says?" he interrupted.

"You're nasty!" I said, "You didn't take that as hard as I thought you would."

"I have to do what you say, doc."

"I'm far from, many years to go before that. Wanna go in?"

"Of course," he said while he made his fingertips from thigh to my crotch.

"Whoa, slow down. I have to go in and announce our arrival."

"Ha, ha!" he pointed at me and said, "You've gotta go in with a woody!"

"Shut up, it's not a woody, frat guy!"

I got out of the car and entered the building. As soon as I entered I was approached by an older concierge by name.

"Mr. DeVero, is it?" he said in an English accent.

"Yes it is, thank you," as he handed me my room keys.

He motioned to another concierge and a younger guy came over pushing a wheelchair.

"Wonderful, I drive the black BMW parked right out front. Thank you."

I walked behind him and the older concierge walked alongside me until we reached the car. The Hilton was known for excellent service, and once more it was a great start. I was excited about the stay and was anticipating a week of harmony and hopefully, development. Both concierges worked in unison as they assisted Kyle into the wheelchair, and then the younger one grabbed the bags from the trunk and headed in behind them after I gave my car keys to the valet attendant. And then we headed to our secret hideaway. When here I felt like the luckiest person in the whole world, this was a fantasy world that doesn't exist anywhere else in my life, well, other than at The Four Seasons hideaway. These moments usually only lasted 24 hours, but now, I realized I had seven times that. This would be just what the doctor ordered. Seven times the charm, protection, comfort, and ecstasy. I felt like I was dreaming and needed to be awakened, but it was tangible, I could see it, feel it, and touch it.

We arrived at the front door of the suite and I asked to take over. The concierges both stopped at the door and then set my bag down.

"Thank you kind sirs, I appreciate everything," I turned to the oldest concierge, "I assume everything is in order?"

"Yes sir," he said as he winked an eye.

"Wonderful, that will be all," I said as I gave both a tip.

Once both men were headed away down the hall, I put the keycard in the door and it unlocked, and I slightly opened the door.

"Kyle, close your eyes," I whispered in his ear.

"Why, are you stripping here?" Pain medication obviously lowered his inhibitions.

"No! Silly. Come on, close them."

"Okay, they're closed," he said with both eyes squinted, but I knew too well that one was a bit open.

"Fine then, the jeans stay on," that was sure to get him to obey.

"Alright, alright, they're closed for real."

"Okay then, then we may enter."

I opened the door and threw the two pieces of luggage in the nearby corner and got behind Kyle and rolled him in, "Okay, you may open your eyes now."

"Oh, goodness Clay, wow! It's beautiful in here. I don't know what to say. The flowers are yellow, my favorite color," and then he turned his head to me and smiled my smile, he needn't say more, that's all I needed.

The suite was lavish, just as always, but the manager had certainly outdone himself, or whoever adhered to the arrangements I'd made. This suite was particularly beautiful with articulate fabrics and linens of vibrate gold and hints of fall colors with all oak furniture and a terry cloth couch you can melt in. There were yellow tulips placed everywhere in glass vases. The dozens were split into half dozen, which allowed for the rooms to be completely filled masterfully.

"So, you like them?"

"Of course, peach, they're perfect, but what's all this?"

"Well, you don't have to tell me your favorite color, of course, but I remember one particular evening, you brought me tulips when I had a cold in the dead of winter, two years ago. You're not sick, but you're injured, which is worse, at least most viruses are gone within a few days, so I figured all of these would do until you're healed. I wanted to repay the gesture. You don't know how much those tulips helped lift my spirits and my mood, which of course, helps ease the recovery. It doesn't speed it up, but it certainly helps feel appreciated and loved, which is what you need when you're sick or injured."

"Clay, you're too much. I remember bringing you those flowers," he said looking up, "I stole them from the corner store!"

"What!?!" I examined.

"I'm just kidding," he laughed. "I knew you'd love them. You remember everything don't you?"

"I know you better be, tainting my happiness," I said smiling, "And yeah, I remember a lot."

"Taint," he again smirked and let out a small giggle.

"You're dirty."

"Bring it here and I'll show you dirty," he said mischievously.

I looked at Kyle who appeared to be undressing me with his eyes.

"You like what you see under my clothes?"

"Baby, you know I do, come here," he said while motioning me by tilting his head back and pursing his lips, "x-ray vision."

I walked slowly to him, my eyes never leaving the emerald in his, and I bent down over him from the side of his wheelchair and eased towards his face until my lips reached his perfectly curved lips. The taste of his lips was intoxicating, and then I was consumed and wisped away. For several moments I stayed bent over him, and then he grabbed my waist, turned me and gently eased me on his lap with my legs hanging over the arm rest. I put my arms around his neck and he held me around the waist, I had momentarily forgotten about his leg.

"Wait, wait," I forced myself to break the lock, "I'm gonna hurt you."

"No, no," he said while kissing my neck and face, "you weigh 100 pounds, you can't hurt me."

"You're delusional, I weigh 130. I have to call the pharmacy."

I could feel that he was raging hard and I could feel his thickness through my jeans.

"It's been a couple of hours. It could take the pharmacy an hour to get here big guy, and trust me, by then, you'll be wishing you had your pain meds, besides, you have to start taking the antibiotic as well, you don't need an infection, that'll be more excruciating than what you've already been through. Give me a few, I'll call the doctor and have them called in and I can have the pharmacy deliver. You need a urine catcher too, you can't get up every time you want to, you're on bed rest."

"Oh God! Are you kidding me?" he moaned, "I don't want you to stop, where are you going?" he asked I lifted my body from his lap.

"I told you I have to order your prescriptions."

He tried to make excuses, "I don't have my insurance card."

"It doesn't matter, I'll pay the scandalous pharmaceutical prices," I said counteractively. "Now what?"

"You're the devil," he said smirking.

"I have to play the devil's advocate most of the time so I may as well just be. Give me a minute, I promise that's all it will take."

"Did you happen to get me some clothes?"

"No, I figured this way I could get some R&R myself, therapeutic reinforcements, I'm going shopping when you're out," I said while shooting him a smile, hoping he wouldn't protest.

"I can't stop you. You know what I like."

"Wow! That was easy! You need pain meds all the time, and I might just upgrade you."

"Mmm, now you think you're Beyonce?"

"Not hardly! Give me a minute, I'll be right back and then we'll get you in that bed, okay?"

"Alright. I'm thirsty."

"Well, Don Perpignan is out, no alcohol for you. Not while you're on this pain mediation anyway."

I called the doctor's office and had them fax the orders to a nearby pharmacy, and scheduled them to be delivered to the hotel effortlessly. Then I headed back to the bedroom of the suite.

"Okay, one hour tops and they'll be here. What do you want to drink?" as asked as I walked to the fridge and opened the door. "Well, it looks like they only have alcohol. I'll call room service. So, what'll it be?"

"Orange juice."

"Good choice, you could use the vitamins. Lots of pulp?"

"You know it."

I ordered the juice and turned back to Kyle who was flipping through music channels on the television. He stopped it on a ballad I knew really well. Kyle slowly turned his head toward me, looked in my eyes and smiled my brilliant smile.

"Sing to me peach," he requested.

I began to hum the melody, the song was almost over but then the lyrics started again and I sang.

Kyle turned his wheelchair around and faced me and looked more deeply into my eyes than I'd ever remembered him doing. I continued to sing, he continued to gaze into my eyes for a long moment, even after I sang the last lyric. Our stares came to halt when the phone rang and startled me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Jeez. That scared me!" as I ran to the phone, "Hello? Great, thanks! You can send them on up. Good day to you as well."

"The pharmacy is here, and your juice should be up any second too. I nearly forgot about it."

"That was beautiful Clay," he said affectionately, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Anytime. Now to take care of the visitors."

The doorbell rang and I answered. The younger concierge had escorted a younger woman to the door. I assumed she was from the pharmacy.

"Good afternoon again sir," he said.

"Good afternoon, come in," and I gestured them both in. "This is Kyle over here, the injured puppy in need of the prescriptions you've delivered."

"Great, I'll just need your autograph on a couple of forms here, Mr. Turner, and I'll be out of your way."

"Great, pain be gone," Kyle said.

I nearly gave myself whiplash as I spun around and looked at him. He didn't notice. Had he really been in pain and denying it?

"Thank you Mr. Turner. How will you be paying?"

"It will be a check," I interrupted and answered.

"Okay, do you have insurance Mr. Turner?"

"He does; however, he doesn't have his card available. I'll just pay retail."

"That'll be five-hundred sixty dollars." More of a question than a statement.

"Just a moment. Is there a delivery fee?"

"No sir."

I walked to the bureau and grabbed my checkbook and wrote the check. I took it back to the young lady and she looked it over closely.

"Alright Mr. DeVero, thank you, is all of the information correct on the check?"

"Yes, it's all current."

"May I confirm the check is valid?"

"Of course you can, but in your time, not mine. I assure you that there are sufficient funds, if that's your true query."

"Okay then, we're set," she said as she turned to Kyle, "Be well sir," she said politely.

"Thank you," he responded.

The concierge wheeled in a stainless steel cart lined with linen holding the orange juice Kyle requested.

"Thanks sir," I said and handed him a tip.

"Good day sir, if there's anything else you need, just let us know."

"Will do, thanks," I said as he was walking out the door."

I closed and locked the door behind him and turned towards Kyle who was wheeling toward the cart. I walked over to the cart and beat him to the glass jar. I removed the plastic top and poured him a glass and handed it to him.

"Were you in pain?" I asked.

"No, why?"

"You said 'pain be gone' when she delivered the medicine. Did I hurt you?" I said as he was gulping the juice.

I opened the bottle of pain medicine and handed him one pill.

"I'm not hurting, I promise. I was just stating what the pills are. Promise peach."

"Take it, it's been a few hours, you don't want to begin to hurt. We need to get you into bed. Are you hungry?"

"No I don't want to eat yet. I would like to lie down though."

"Okay. Let's go."

I wheeled him to the side of the bed and locked the wheels. I lowered the leg rest down and he grabbed the side of my neck and I grabbed his waist and helped him up onto one leg. He hopped over until he was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Are you comfortable? Want the air turned up or down?"

"No I'm good right now. I would like these shorts off though," he said provocatively.

"Shirt?"

"Yep."

I stood between his legs and reached and grabbed the seam of the bottom of his jersey and raised it up quickly above his head and off his body. It revealed the stomach and body of a Greek God. A body I could never grow tired of. He had a prominent six pack and the tan that graced it was extremely complimentary.

"Aright big guy, let's get you laid back."

He laid back and I grabbed the band of his shorts and lifted them as he used his arms and lifted his buttocks in the air. I pulled them straight down his legs and slipped them past his feet with ease. I tossed them on the floor and scanned his firm body, minus one leg which now donned a blue cast, until I reached his gorgeous face. He was looking at me with desire in his eyes, it was all I could do not to seize his body. I scanned downward again and noticed that he was still wearing his jock which outlined his package perfectly, like a mold. His package was hefty, both long and thick. Enough to send some people screaming. Not I, obviously, or at least not yet. I've never attempted anal intercourse, but I wanted to. I could feel myself wanting out of the tightness of the underwear I was about to reveal.

"It's a good thing that you didn't get kicked in the crotch," I said giggling. "Leo would certainly be dead, no doubt!"

"Yeah, for sure!"

"Come here," he said softly.

"One minute, I'll be right back. You need something?" I said as I walked away, looking back.

"You. Come here, where are you going?"

"To dress down and check my face, it's been a long one. I'll be a sec."

I sprinted to the bathroom and checked my face, I guess it was okay. My brown eyes looked worn from the emotional roller coaster of the day, but, I guess it didn't matter to Kyle. He still had that fire in his eyes and smile that liquefied me. I tousled my hair, splashed my face with water, raised my shirt a bit to reveal my belly button, and unbuttoned my jeans and unzipped them a tad, looked back in the full length mirror and gave myself an approving nod and headed out of the bathroom. I stopped at the threshold of the bathroom door and threw my arm up the side of the door casing and stood to curve my body outward. Kyle whistled.

"Come here ya lion," he said and then growled.

I walked slowly to the bed and was unzipping my pants the entire way and then slid them down my legs and kicked them off my feet. I stood at the side of the bed and looked at his perfect body and his position as he lie with his legs somewhat spread with both his arms behind his head, smiling my wild eyed smile. His eyes were sparkling in the light of the overhead chandelier. I lifted my shirt above my head and revealed nearly every inch of my bare skin. My stomach was tight, not as ripped as his, but is well on its way. I stood and allowed him to take in my body as I took all of his in. Just like the first time, every time. I continued to stand there in only my orange sheer bikini-brief until I noticed that Kyle was fully erect and no longer fitting in his jock. Needless to say, mine was barely fitting dressed to the side.

I crawled onto the bed to lie by his side and looked into his eyes. He motioned me on top of him and although apprehensive, I slowly eased myself onto his lower body, careful to not sit or put pressure on his cast.

"I won't break," he said and then grabbed both sides of my face and pulled me to his.

He kissed me and that's all I needed to lose myself. We were grinding our bodies together and then he attempted to roll me over, completely forgetting or just not caring about his leg. He realized mobility wasn't so easy and sat me back onto his lap.

"This could be difficult," he said between breaths.

"You don't have to be a dominator. You lay still. For once, let me," I said, hoping my voice wasn't shaking, because I knew what I was about to attempt.

I leaned back down and kissed him until he was holding my back and then grabbed my butt forcing my weight down on him and he grinded me harder. I rose up and rocked back and forth and he panted as I continued and gently squeeze his erect nipples and then one by one, licked them and delicately bit and sucked. I carefully lifted myself off his body and stood over him and then made my way to the foot of the bed and hopped off.

"Hey! Where are you going?" he asked surprised. "You can't stop now."

"Oh don't worry, big guy, I'm just starting."

"What?"

"You'll see."

I went to my messenger bag where I had placed the newly bought lubricant, cupped it my hand to conceal it and rushed back to the bed. I crawled from the bottom of the bed between his legs and grabbed the waistband of his jock and pulled down. I knew I couldn't remove them with my teeth alone because of the cast, he did too, so he helped me remove them past his lower body and then I lifted his right leg out of the jock and then pulled it down the cast and off. I stood on the bed and removed my underwear slowly and watched him lick his lips.

"Nope, that's too much movement for ya Kyle, so we can pick up where we left off this morning. It's my turn," I said as I arched one eyebrow and eased toward his crotch and he smiled a crooked grin.

I started licking his balls which were more than two mouthfuls, grabbed his shaft and licked upward to the head and began to engulf downward until I reached my hand, which was barely possible. After a couple of minutes he grabbed my hair and forced my head more rapidly up and down until he was moaning and thrusting himself slightly upward. I knew he was close so I forced myself up and his cock out of my mouth and took deep breaths while staring at his pleasure filled face.

"Why did you stop?" he asked trying to catch his breath.

I eased myself up and straddled his raging crotch, and leaned down to kiss him while I reached over on the bed to feel for the bottle of lube. I was suddenly intimidated as my fingers reached the bottle. I was anxious, excited, and somewhat terrified. I didn't cope well with pain, but at least this lube has Lidocain. All the horror stories I'd heard from friends flooded my conflicted mind. I felt his hands scratch my sweaty back and he leaned in and kissed me fiercely. My reservations vanished.

I wiped the sweat from my face and leaned up until I was sitting in his lap again. I opened the top of the lube, never taking my eyes off his. His face looked puzzled.

"What are you doing Clay?"

"I want you Kyle. I want to do this. I want to feel you inside me," I said unflinchingly.

"But you've never, we've never, are you sure?"

"Shh. I've never been so sure of anything Kyle. I want to try this, and you're the only one," I said as I lubed his shaft and head which was still rampant, "Please don't be disappointed if I can't and back out."

He whispered, "Shh, don't think that. Don't do this for my sake, please."

"I want to try," I said as I rubbed him down and then myself.

It was sobering to lube myself, I realized that I was going to go somewhere and do something I've never done. It was exhilarating. I raised myself up and realized I wouldn't be able to completely sit on it as I'd seen in porn. What to do, I thought, how embarrassing. I'm such an amateur. He was entirely too long for me to comfortably ease myself down without my legs cramping, so I straddled back down. I felt my face flush.

"Come here Clay," he said as I laid down on his chest and buried my face in his neck, "its okay, if I could move freely, this wouldn't be an issue, there are other positions that can be comfortable for you."

For a moment I almost questioned his experience, but then of course, the self-denying truth set in. I was determined, and I wouldn't allow my inexperience to halt my daring advances. I kissed his neck and then realized that I could lie in this position and back onto his cock. I reached behind me and grabbed his cock and held it toward my anus. I raised my head and looked into Kyle's face. His eyes were closed as I was making a circular motion around the head of his cock. I lubed his entire cock and my anus. Then I firmly grabbed his shaft and eased down onto the head. I gasped as it penetrated my anus. I quickly pulled out, looked at Kyle's face, and grinned giving him a seductive and determined look.

"You're beautiful Clay," he whispered.

He had never told me I was beautiful before. Adjectives that were comparable, yes, but beautiful took on a completely different meaning for me. My motivation was instantly enhanced.

"You're incredible Kyle, and stunning, every inch of you," I said adoringly, as I eased myself further down, I was certain the head was in. It wasn't an unbearable pain, more so a burning sensation. I felt him squirm, "Don't move."

He lay still, but I could feel him staring at my face to evaluate my thoughts and feelings. I knew he wanted nothing more than to start pumping, but he showed restraint. I continued to ease down and as unanticipated as it was, the burning eased. I knew that several inches were in. I would guess at least six or seven, but now I didn't feel anything but numbness, so I quickly descended the stake, or at least that's what it felt like at first, and then swiftly raised my body up and my face was in his face again and he pecked me on the lips.

"You're amazing Clay," he said breathless.

At that point I could feel only a trace of the burning sensation I had felt when I slid down originally so I descended again quickly. Kyle gasped and panted- all the incentive I needed to fully ride. I found that my pace increased as did his. He kept moving his pelvis up and down opposite my movement. I felt a surge of pleasure shoot through my body like I'd never felt before each time I completely engulfed his cock. There was no pain, no burning, only a sensation that I couldn't describe. There were no words to express this ecstasy. It felt magnificent. No doubt he was reaching my g-spot with every thrust.

Kyle grabbed my hips and danced my body up and down as he panted, moaned and thrust his body upward. I didn't want this moment to end. I thought his kisses captivated me, but this was pleasure I'd never expected. I gained rhythm with his motion and I found myself vocalizing my pleasure just as loudly as Kyle was. Kyle had never been this vocal before. I felt pride in the midst of this glorious bare-back fuck.

"Clay," he panted, "You beautiful boy, you feel so good."

"Come on Kyle! You like this ass?"

Only a few minutes into the pounding, I didn't mind at all what was about to happen, even though I wished it could last longer. Kyle produced a thunderous exclaim of pleasure and a hard thrust against my body. Kyle arched his back high and there were a couple of short hard thrusts and he relaxed his body and panted. I felt a surge of warmth inside my body. Much to my astonishment I came a load straight up in the air on my chest and my neck without having been touched.

Kyle looked up, "Did you just?"

"Yeah," I said trying to catch my breath.

"Nice, that's impressive," he said, clearly proud of himself.

I rested my hands on his chest as he had his head tilted back catching his breath. I was breathing heavily myself. I eased myself off of his still hard cock and sat back down in his lap and laid my head in the nape of his neck and rested.

"Amazing peach," he said while kissing my forehead, "I always wondered what it would feel like."

"And? Was it what you expected?" I asked curiously, and hoped he wouldn't say anything negative.

"It was so much better. It feels much tighter than," he paused, "Well, you know."

"No I don't," I said giggling trying to hide my disgust and jealousy of the women he had been with. Oh well, he was with me at this moment.

"Are you okay peach?" he sounded concerned.

"I'm perfect. You were perfect. I have to admit I was a bit intimidated at first. I think I handled you well," I said proudly.

"You did. Better than well though. I can't believe you did this and never even winced."

"Determination baby, I wanted you. I wanted to experience you."

Kyle caressed my hair and the side of my face while I rested my eyes and as he caressed the left side of my forehead, I felt a hint of pain. I knew that he had felt it too and I felt him quickly move his head back and saw him look at my head as he moved my hair.

"Clay, what happened to your head?"

"Oh it's nothing. How does your leg feel?" I said trying to divert his attention and change the subject quickly.

"I'm fine. What happened to your head?" he demanded.

I contemplated lying but immediately put the thought out of my head. I couldn't lie to him. Besides, I thought, it would be too easy for the incidents of the day that he had missed to be brought to his attention. I rose up on my side and looked in his troubled face.

"You didn't hit your head when you were knocked down today, so what happened?"

"Before you go postal, listen first," I requested and he nodded. "Earlier when I stopped by the dorm to grab some clothes there was a clash with Leo and he called me a faggot and Jason didn't like it and he shoved me out the way to get to Leo and I hit my head on the wall."

"What? Why?"

"He was just being a jerk and asked about you in the wrong tone, actually he said 'how's your boy' and then it became a screaming match. Jason didn't appreciate what he called me and he honestly didn't mean to shove me that hard, but I was standing pretty close to the wall, he apologized."

"Leo will get what's coming to him," he said angrily.

"Well, he kinda did. Jason put him on his ass. His nose was bleeding pretty badly."

Kyle laid in silence, I could tell he was extremely frustrated and then he kissed the knot on my head and sighed. I laid there a moment longer, kissed his neck and then rolled over to the side of the bed and got up. As I began to walk my legs were trembling and it felt like I could barely remain standing.

"I'm gonna take a shower big guy, need anything?" I asked.

"A gun. I'm pissed Clay."

"It's over, Kyle, let it go. There's nothing that needs to be done about it now. I think he may have learned his lesson. Jason hit him hard."

He had to have noticed my mobility issue, "Trouble walking?" he said smiling.

"A bit, I'm fine though, my legs feel weak."

Kyle smiled my smile and blew me a kiss and patted himself on the back, and I smiled back at him. I wouldn't dare tell him what Leo said as he walked away, nor would I tell him what transpired after the quarrel. Although it was innocent and harmless, I still couldn't put my finger on what exactly had happened. It was nothing, just a conversation and an undetermined meaning look. Nothing more. I hoped I could conceal it all, although it seemed extremely impossible.

I got into the steaming water and held my head under the water. The pressure felt nice, as did the heat. As I washed my body I noticed blood on the rag, I must've been bleeding, and I reminded myself that this was normal, but I didn't feel any pain, so obviously it was nothing major. All I could feel was a sensation of my bowels being full of liquid. No mystery as to what that was but should be easily expelled.

I got out of the shower and dried off and walked back to the bed where Kyle laid naked and asleep. I took the warm rag I had brought with me and washed his crotch, he didn't even flinch. He had to be exhausted and I knew the pain medicine also had a lot to do with it. I tossed the rag into the corner of the bathroom where I had discarded my towel. I walked to the door to ensure the security latch was engaged and then I walked to the couch and grabbed the throw pillows and went to the bed and gently elevated Kyle's leg above his heart and then lay down beside him. I hoped he'd be comfortable because he is usually a side sleeper. He placed his arm under my neck and snuggled my head onto his shoulder. I closed my eyes and was out and didn't realize the darkness turned to light until I awoke.

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning to the sun blaring through the tall windows and was still snuggled in Kyle's shoulder. I rose up and Kyle stretched to life. I couldn't remember the last time I slept in the same position all night.

"Ow, jeez my leg hurts," he complained.

I got off the bed and raced to the dresser where his bottle of pain meds sat and grabbed a glass of water from the sink in the bathroom and took them to him.

"Here you go," as I handed him a pill and the water, "Good morning."

He rose up on one arm and took the pill.

"Hungry?"

"Famished. What's for breakfast?" he asked.

"Whatever you want, we can get room service or I can go get some takeout. What'll it be?"

"Come here, he said. Give me a kiss," he said as he puckered his lips.

I leaned over and pecked him on the mouth.

"You want to see the menu for here?"

"No, I ought to know it by heart by now."

"Well, it's not as good as the Four Seasons, but it's good," I said smiling.

"Room service it will be then."

"How do you feel? The pain medicine shouldn't take long to take effect. I can't believe pain didn't wake you through the night."

"I'll be fine, the throbbing is starting to ease, but it does hurt. I woke up once, but it wasn't like this."

"Give it fifteen minutes, you'll feel better, but if you feel nauseous I have a pill that will take that away. So, what do you want to eat big guy."

"Scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage, and biscuits and gravy, orange juice and water."

"I think I'll order that double and some pancakes. Why not, while we're on an academic break, may as well eat up the carbs."

I realized that we were both still naked.

"We'll have to get dressed first," I said and Kyle looked down at his body.

"Oh yeah, I guess we will. I don't have anything here though do I?"

"Nope, you can wear a robe unless you want underwear too."

"No, I don't need underwear. Unless you want me to," he said raising both eyebrows in sync rapidly.

"No, that's you, not me," I said giggling.

I walked to my bag and bent over to grab a pair of underwear. Kyle whistled. I looked back at him to see him staring at me, I smiled and shook my head and then slipped on a pair of patterned briefs. As I walked toward the phone Kyle whistled again.

"You know Clay, you really impressed me last night and you were clever, I never suspected you were going to do that. What made you do it?" he asked intriguingly.

"Hold on, let me order," I said.

I ordered the food and hung up the phone and turned toward Kyle.

"I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to try it, I had no idea that I could go through with it, but honestly, I loved it. I was more afraid of the size of your anaconda than the act."

He chuckled, "You're silly, and I'm average."

"Average my ass!"

"Now that's what's not average," and then he barked and I had to laugh.

"I'm glad you liked it. You've found a new hole to drill. Much like the ones you're used to."

"Like it? I loved it Clay, like I said, you were amazing. I need a bath though. Can't I have crutches?" he asked ignoring my comment.

"Not for a week, at least five days. You cannot bear any weight on your leg and we have to alternate being propped and then down to keep regulated. Actually we need to un-prop your leg now for a while. Are you feeling better?"

"A little, the throbbing is gone at least. Oh my god, Clay your arm!" he exclaimed.

I knew the arm he was referring to and I looked down at my left shoulder.

"It's nothing. I hit it on the wall yesterday when Jason shoved me out of the way. Its fine. It doesn't hurt."

"Damn it," he said as he threw his head back on the pillow and rubbed his eyes with his hand.

"I'm fine, water under the bridge. Let it go, if something happens again, then you can pulverize him if it will make you feel better, but Kyle, I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, that's not the point. I can't allow you to get hurt." He was frustrated.

"You didn't allow me to get hurt. No one allowed me to get hurt, I just did. And I hardly call a bruise and a bump on the head and a punch to the jaw, hurt."

"Clay?"

"What is it big guy?"

"Thanks for everything. I really appreciate everything you do for me. You're my best friend, the best friend anyone could have. I really appreciate you."

My heart melted and I nearly got teary eyed and I turned toward the bathroom and grabbed a terrycloth robe from the hanger just inside the door and turned back around to face him. I walked over to him and knelt down to kiss his forehead and he grabbed my head and brought my face to his and he kissed me, a teardrop descended my eyes and landed on his cheek. He wiped my cheek and kissed it. My moment ended with a knock at the door.

"Just a moment please," I called toward the door. "Here Kyle, rise up."

"Let's just cover me up. I don't want the robe right now, it's just gonna come off soon anyway," he said with his half grin.

"Whatever you say," I said smiling.

The cover was already pushed down from last night's exuberant events so I grabbed the top seam and draped it over Kyle's lower body, leaving his heavenly upper body exposed as he was now sitting up in bed against the oak headboard. I threw the robe on and went to the door and the young man who escorted us to the room the day before wheeled in a stainless steel cart loaded with silver lidded items and a carafe of orange juice with glasses and silverware articulately arranged.

"Thank you very much," I said as I handed him a ten dollar bill and he nodded at me and then Kyle and walked away.

"Good day gentlemen, if I can be of further assistance, please just let me know."

"Well, there is one thing, can you have my car ready in two hours, around 10:00?"

"I will have valet have it ready for you sir."

"Thank you," I said kindly and I closed the door behind him.

"Alright, let's grub, I'm starving," Kyle said and I agreed.

We ate breakfast while making small talk about school, homework that would be missed and upcoming midterms, which reminded me that I needed to contact the dean and inform him of Kyle's condition and his need to have all assignments, as well as mine, emailed so neither of us fell behind.

"Is it good?" I asked as I looked over to see Kyle devouring his meal.

"Yeah, I guess I was hungrier than I realized."

"I'm going shopping today, is there anything you want in particular? Any new trends catch your eye?"

"No, you know what I like. Don't go overboard though, a couple pair of jeans and t-shirts is all I need. Don't go spending a lot of money on me."

"Okay," I said.

"Seriously, don't. You always do too much for me, it makes me feel guilty. I already owe you my life savings over the years," he said with his head down.

"Hey! You raise your head! You don't owe me anything! I buy because I want to. Not because I feel obligated or have to. Understand?"

"Yeah, I got you," he said continuing to eat.

"Kyle, don't ever think that I keep tabs or that you have to mentally. When I get something, it's done, there's nothing else to debate or take mental note of. Done. When I buy you something, that's it, and there's nothing you can do about it, other than thank me. You always pay me back in other ways," I said winking.

"Do I?" he said as he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead, leaving sticky syrup on my forehead and I giggled.

"Oops," he said as he licked the syrup off and I giggled.

"I'm stuffed," I said lying back on the bed.

"Me too. I think I ate too fast," he said as he burped.

"You feel alright?"

"Yeah, I just need a bath. I smell like hot sex!" he said grinning.

"Alright," I said as I rolled off the bed and onto my feet, "I'll run your water."

I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I had the knowledge, determination and skill to get it done. I ran the steaming water and went to assist Kyle to the wheelchair and tub. The transport and bath was effortless. He got in. I helped him brace his leg on the side of the tub and covered it with a garbage bag, just to ensure his cast didn't get wet. We laughed and talked while he bathed and after he was dried off and resting back on the bed in his robe, I showered and readied myself for the shopping trip.

Throughout the entire process, I couldn't help but reflect upon the night before and all of the conversations and comments made by Kyle. I wondered if those beautiful words and comments were only induced by the pain medications; after all, he'd never called me "beautiful" before. An adjective usually used to only describe a female. I hoped not. If so, I realized, I didn't want to know the truth. My feelings would be better spared if I didn't. I also realized that it didn't matter, I was still involved too deeply to let us go easily. He may consider himself straight, but most of his actions, when concerning me, were strictly gay, and have been since the first time our inhibitions were set free. I would pay for these thoughts later, I thought, after a week, what would happen? What did I expect? Could I honestly expect that he would confess his love for me and share his life with me openly?

I didn't want to think those thoughts anymore, so I got dressed and then went back to the restroom. I looked in the mirror, my brown eyes looked troubled. I rubbed my eyes and then reached for my facial lotion. Although monotonous and conventional, my regimens always made me feel normal, despite how I felt within. Within, right now, all I could feel was confusion and optimism. I was confused about where we would end or land, and optimistic that we would begin and fly.

I gave myself a quick glance in the full mirror and tousled my hair once more to obtain the messy look I was signature for, or so say the girls on campus. I stepped forward and looked at my face closely, my soft features were present, my cheek bones prominent, and my skin glowed with the help of the SPF lotion that had a warm tint; and my brown hair, eyebrows and eyes prominent. Maybe I was "beautiful" I thought to myself, if Kyle thought I was beautiful then maybe it was true. I never doubted my looks, but I never took it to the extreme that I was "beautiful," not that I ever considered myself even close to a ten though. Maybe a seven. Just a seven. That's what I am, or maybe even a 5. I am average. Maybe less. Although others perhaps didn't think so small on the scale. Most of all, Kyle. Perhaps he thinks I am a ten. A sensation of thrill surged my body. Either way, in his book, according to last night, medication induced or not, I am beautiful! Regardless.

I stepped out of the bathroom and Kyle was laying back sitting half up on the mound of pillows behind his back and head. The robe was laid open exposing his legs.

"I'm impressed, you've covered yourself. Speaking of which, what undies will it be? Boxers or briefs or the hybrid?"

"It doesn't matter what I'm wearing," he winked.

"Hum, I'll surprise you then. Perhaps they may have my size," I teased.

"Scandalous!"

"Alright, order something to eat to hold you over if you want and I'll be back in a couple of hours. You've had your medicines, but you can take another pill in 2 hours if you need for pain. I promise to not go overboard like Goldie, I'd look awful in gingham!"

I leaned down to kiss him on his forehead and I could tell he was groggy, his head weaved as he leaned up to kiss me on the lips. He pecked me on the lips and then licked my top lip.

"I gotta go, be back soon."

"Be careful, I'll just be here."

"Oh, do you need to use the bathroom or anything before I go?"

"No, I have an adult diaper on!" he said laughing.

I laughed and shook my head.

"Don't get up! Warning ya! Call me if you decide what you want to eat and I'll pick it up. Call the concierge if you need anything."

"Alright, see ya soon."

I left the room and waiting in the blazing heat under the canopy for valet to retrieve my car. I hate the heat, but I hate the cold worse, so unless it was in the upper sixties or low seventies, I complained. Kyle hates the complaining and always tells me to suck it up. He's outdoorsy where as I prefer the comforts of indoors. The car rounded the corner and I was relieved, although I was only waiting for a few minutes, sweat had formed on my forehead and that always made me feel disgusting. I felt like I should go in and shower, but I would be stuck if I did. I wouldn't want to leave him again and he had to have clothes. Besides, I love to shop.

I tipped the valet as he opened the door and I got into the already cooled car and buckled the seat belt. As I headed for the mall, I turned on the radio and lost myself in the music while trying to visualize the fashions I would find. So many possibilities, there's nothing he doesn't look good in. Polo's, khakis, jeans, t-shirts, or sweats; especially nothing. I smiled at the visualization.

The traffic wasn't as bad as I thought it would be for a Sunday. No Sunday drivers gawking at lawn ornaments and landscapes. Kyle always said I have the worse road rage he's ever seen. He sometimes gets angry at my attitude towards other vehicles, but I never pay him any attention, I think it's pretty harmless. I'm not trying to run people off the road. I just complain and hit my steering wheel. Sometimes Kyle laughs, it just depends on his mood that day, and other times he thinks my aggression is sexy given recent developments. Unnecessary drama.

I cannot help but allow my mind to ponder the "what ifs" when it comes to our relationship. It's certainly confusing and leaves me dejected each time I allow the thoughts to enter my mind. I am generally strong and level headed, but when it concerns him, my defenses are weak and I become vulnerable at the concept of him not choosing me and leaving us behind. I don't think I could endure it. But of course, I had to ready myself for the realization that it could happen. Whenever I was bold enough to spark the conversation, it always ended unfavorably. For me anyway. He cannot fathom the idea of living that lifestyle openly. It's not that he wouldn't love to be with me, he just thinks his parents wouldn't understand. The fact that he is an only child makes him feel his expectations are too great from his parents to provide them with grandchildren and family portraits at the holidays and to carry on their family name. I differ in his thoughts of their expectations. I've perceived they've always just wanted him happy, in whatever he does. I may be wrong, but I honestly don't think that I am. Why else would there very straight son spend most of his time with a gay guy.

Chapter 6

I pulled into the parking lot and realized why there was so little traffic on the roads. The parking lot was full. Damn, where was valet when you needed them? I circled the entire parking lot without a glimpse of a vacant parking space. The second trip was not successful either. I wondered what the hell was going on at the mall for it to be so packed during church hours. On the third trip around I finally found a space near the entrance, much to my surprise.

I parked and sprinted inside. The heat was atrocious and I felt sticky immediately upon exiting the beamer. As I entered the building, a cool wave of air brushed my face and I wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead. I felt disgusting.

I walked past the food court and started toward the myriad of retail stores. Frederick's of Hollywood caught my eye. As I rounded the corner to the limited men's section, a familiar voice called my name.

"Clay?"

I turned to see Coraline smiling and bouncing toward me like a kid in a candy shop.

"Coraline. How are you dear?"

"I'm fine. Just browsing through the clearance racks. Nothing good this week. Are you shopping for something in particular?" She raised both eyebrows, as if it is shocking that a male is actually shopping in that store.

I was surprised at her boldness, I barely knew her and I felt she was being a bit too personal.

"No, just looking at the moment, I'll know it when I see it."

"How's your friend, Kyle, is it?"

"Uh, yeah, his name is Kyle and he's doing well. The pain meds are helping."

"Forgive me for being so audacious, but is he single, by chance?"

An avalanche of emotions consumed me. She squint her eyes and curled her lips upward and bit her bottom lip, hoping to hear the answer she wanted. I felt my heart sink and hoped my expression didn't give me away. I knew I had to answer quickly or I could give myself away.

"Oh yeah, he's single," I muttered while quickly glancing away.

Damn! Why did I tell her the truth, I knew what would follow. I wanted to turn back time. I wouldn't have entered this store.

"Wow, really!"

Her face gloated and I wanted claw at it until she bled. I immediately felt guilty for even having such thoughts. It's not her fault, she honestly doesn't know about me, about him and me. She doesn't know that I'd rather die than see him with someone else. I knew my face was flushed and I turned my head and grabbed the first thing my hand touched.

"Like these?" In an attempt to redirect the conversation and without realizing it, I had grabbed a pair of red sheer thongs with an elephant trunk. Shit! I knew my face was flushed burgundy. She noticed.

"Ok-aay. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, sorry."

I wanted to run. Scream. Scratch. And apologize at the same time. I hate this inevitable charade of constant lies. But, to me, every moment with Kyle was worth the endless propaganda.

"Does he have a number?"

I placed the embarrassing thongs back on the rack and turned to face her. I knew she would ask, so I politely gave her his number without hesitation with a reassuring wink. I watched as she programmed the number into her phone. I wanted to snatch it from her hands and smash it on the floor. Bitch!

"Thanks! Do you think he would mind if I called?"

"I wouldn't have given you his number if I thought he would."

She smiled and I looked away and focused on the rack before me. There were lots of colors in an array of styles and prints. I contemplated just walking away. I felt nauseous.

"Well. I'll let you get back to browsing. It was good to see you Clay. Who knows, I may be seeing you a lot more!"

She smiled a crooked smile and I smiled back. I could feel that my smile was fake, as hard as I tried to make it authentic, I somehow knew it wasn't. When she smiled, she was stunning. Beautiful really. Is that what Kyle would think? I couldn't help but think that maybe that's not what he saw when he first met her; even doped up. Would he even remember her? I began to will with all my heart and soul that he wouldn't. As if this act would and could alter his memories. It wouldn't matter. Once he sees her porcelain face and carefully painted features, it wouldn't matter. He may get lost in her features, because she really is stunning.

I watched her exit the store and she walked a bit too cheerfully for my liking. It was as if she had accomplished a mission. But what could've she possibly been aiming for? I couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't mentioned or asked how I sustained the bruise on my face. After all, I made no attempt to conceal it. I shrugged the thought and grabbed a size medium leather studded bikini brief with Velcro tear-away sides. This should make for an interesting reveal.

I paid and left the store, and as I walked toward Aeropostale and Abercrombie & Fitch, the aroma of cinnamon and coffee beans heightened my senses. Cappuccino sounded delightful. I hadn't yet met my quota of caffeine for the day so I got in line. I was standing behind a woman wearing an appalling perfume and an atrocious large purple hat. Dreadful. If I didn't feel the urge for a fix, I would have walked away.

I turned my head and casually raised my hand to my face and rubbed the bridge of my nose in an attempt to rid the offensive smell and block it from reentering. Out of my peripherals in an adjacent hall I saw Coraline. She was standing with a group of people. I couldn't be sure, but it looked like Leo was one of them. I instinctively turned back around to face the purple hat lady. Curious, I turned my head back toward the group and discreetly peered harder.

It was him. I didn't notice a bandage over his nose, so I guessed he wasn't as hurt as I had thought. Damn! I hoped he wouldn't notice me. Surely he wouldn't cause a scene considering how crowded this place is. I wasn't positive given his bullying nature. I didn't want to wait and chance it. I left the line and hurried past the open crossway and out of their sights. As I peeked around the column, I could see that Coraline and Leo had stepped away from the group and she appeared to be showing him something on her cell phone screen. She was gloating. Could she possibly still be gloating over getting Kyle's number? If so, why to him? I knew I needed to walk on, away from this. I was forming theories I had no idea if even existed. I always over analyzed everything. I was intrigued. What is going on? There was no way I could get any closer without being detected, so I fought the urge. Damn it! This was probably an innocent conversation and I'm becoming a conspiracy theorist. Like Mulder when Scully had to reign him back in.

I shook my head and turned and walked away. I picked out several outfits from Abercrombie and then several from Aeropostale. Kyle wasn't a huge fan of Hollister, but found some there as well. I was proud of my findings and felt sure that after Kyle got over how much I bought, he would actually like the duds. I headed to the parking lot and inevitably, I forgot where I parked. As I scanned the lot, a familiar voice that was becoming annoying came from behind.

"Forget where you parked?" Coraline asked.

"It's a curse. I have no sense of direction and I may as well be looking for Waldo at Disney World."

I looked at Coraline and laughed. She smiled and pointed toward the lot.

"I believe that's you there, is it not?"

I looked to where her finger was leading me. She was dead on, which was annoying. Tucked between a large gray van and a compact car was my black BMW.

"How did you know that was where I parked? How did you know that was my car?"

"Oh, I'm not stalking you, promise. Just common knowledge you drive a black BMW, and that's the only one I see in sight."

She looked nonchalant and innocent enough so I let it go; however, the evermore increasing conspirator within me didn't want to. How did she know what I drive? Aside today, I've met her once and I've never seen her around campus. I guess someone could've told her. Why would that fact be a topic of someone's conversation? Stop it Clay!

"Lots of bags, you must've spent a fortune. You need help?" She eyeballed my bags and I sensed a bit of jealousy.

"No thanks, I appreciate it though." I refused to acknowledge the lots of bags comment and candidly started toward the car.

"Okay then, see ya around!"

She walked away and I watched her sashay a few feet and then I reached for my keys once I got to the car. I threw the bags in the trunk and then jumped into the driver's seat. Air conditioning was priority one. The leather seats were scorching. When are they going to invent cooling seats, they already have heated? I wondered if Kyle had his cell phone handy. I hated to attempt to call in case it wasn't by his side. I decided to text to let him know I was on my way back.

On my way back, see ya soon. C

I sat the phone down on the passenger's seat and clicked the seatbelt on. Getting out of here had to be easier than coming in. The melodic tone of my cell phone sounded. I knew the sound well, it was Kyle's message tone.

Cool. C U in a bit. Find what you wanted? ;P

I loved his smiley faces. He always used to semicolon as if winking with a capitol P to signify his tongue sticking out. Of course, I know that millions of people do that, but to me it was special, and it was his signature.

And then some...

I replied and placed the phone in the console. Then I let my mind explore the possibilities of Coraline's and Leo's relationship. Were they friends? Were they a couple? Why would she ask for Kyle's number if that were the case? I just don't understand some people these days. I refused to conspire anymore.

I pulled up to the hotel valet and an usher with a luggage rack came to the car. I popped the truck of the car and the older gentleman loaded the bags onto the rack as I rushed past him to head to the room. As I approached the door, the older gentleman was behind me hauling what appeared to be a small department store. It wasn't until I saw it all loaded on the rack that I realized how much I had bought. Kyle won't like this. I thanked the gentleman with a twenty and then braced myself for the coming lecture. Breathe in, breathe out.

I unlocked the door and walked to the bed where Kyle lay sleeping. Perfect! I contemplated hiding some of the baggage. I turned on my tiptoes and then went and pulled the rack into the room. The tire squeaked. Damn!

"Who's there?" Kyle rose quickly from his slumber and wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth. I wonder if he realizes how irresistibly cute he is, even in that awkward moment. His eyes were still half closed, most likely an effect of the Lortab.

"It's me. How do you feel?"

"Fine actually, just sleepy. Did you happen to buy some crack while you were out?"

"Ha! Ha! Funny. Did you take more medicine while I was out?"

"Yeah."

And then he saw it. My attempt to divert his attention failed.

"What the hell Clay? It took a cart to get everything back up here?"

"Uh. Yes. Yes, it did." I was determined to be confident, "You knew I would get what I saw and liked. No arguing mister."

"At least tell me that you shopped for yourself?"

"I got a couple of things for your benefit. By benefit, I mean me wearing being beneficial for you."

The sly smirk on my face was answered by a slap on my ass and Kyle forcing me to sit on the side of the bed. He wrapped his fingers in my hair and forced my face to his and gave me an Eskimo kiss.

"You're giving up this easily? I cannot believe it!"

"What point is there in disputing? I've learned you cannot be controlled, reigned in or stopped, so what's the point?" He said smiling and nibbling at my neck.

"And don't forget it!" I reminded him.

The emerald in his lazy eyes sparked as he looked up at me and with much restraint, I stood up off the bed and walked to the wet bar.

"Early for a drink isn't it?" He looked puzzled. "You okay?"

"Fine. I just want a drink." I grabbed the Midori and sour mix and poured equal parts into a shaker and then added ice from the freezer compartment. After a brisk shake I poured the contents into a glass over ice. Kyle still looked puzzled and then held out his hands and shook his head from side to side.

"What? I just feel like a drink. Are you ready to see what you got?"

As Kyle went through the bags of clothes and appeared to have liked everything, I silently went back and forth in my head and contemplating whether or not to tell him about Coraline and my giving her his number. I decided the pros outweighed the cons and I had no right to hide it from him. I also decided that it was most likely a bad idea to let him find out on his own. Perhaps it was the stiffness of the drink or my conscious, but I had to tell him. My biggest fear is the obvious - I didn't want him to date anyone. He is mine and I'm a selfish person who doesn't want to share him. Was that wrong of me? I don't know, but it certainly didn't matter to me if it was. My heart and soul needed him and if someone were to take him away, I felt certain I couldn't exist without him.

"Kyle, do you remember Coraline from the emergency room?"

Technically, it wasn't the emergency room, it was the radiology lab, but I highly doubted he'd differentiate.

"No, who is she?" He asked as he continued to sort through the final bag.

"She's the girl you briefly met as we were leaving the hospital yesterday."

"Oh, yeah. The pale pretty chic with black hair?"

Shit! That stung and I turned the glass up, "That'd be her." I turned my back to Kyle and rolled my eyes and sat my now empty glass back on the wet bar and contemplated another.

"Yeah, so? What about her?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and motivated myself to turn around to face him. "I ran into her at the mall. Awkwardly so, but she asked about you. First of course, about how you were doing." I studied his face for evidence of dislike or dreadfully otherwise. He never flinched or looked away from green and white striped polo he held outspread in front of him. "Then she asked if you were single."

His face brightened and he looked up at me with a "go on" look without saying a word.

"I told her the truth. That you are single."

My heart dropped to my feet. I wasn't sure if it was from the fear of how he may positively react or the realization I had said that phrase out loud. In a sense, I felt he wasn't single, although to the outside world, even in his eyes, he is single. In my world, he wasn't. He was taken and he was mine. Only mine, but not in a psycho Fatal Attraction kind of way. His lips curled into a smile and his eyes widened. My face, a complete opposite in response I'm sure.

"Well? What did she say then?" He sounded like a giddy school boy.

I turned back to the wet bar and in the same fashion as before. I made another drink while giving him the rest of the scoop on me giving her his number. I didn't want to see his face then, but I forced myself to turn around and face his excitement.

"Wow. You think she will call?"

Irritated, I looked straight ahead and clenched my teeth and rolled my neck. A part of me had hoped that last night's daring progress had tipped the balance in my favor, what a foolish expectation.

"Why wouldn't she. You're a catch, and you're single." Again, with more emphasis on the single part than absolutely necessary.

"If it bothers you so much, why'd you give her my number?"

For a moment I didn't know how to answer that question. I sipped my Midori Sour knowing well that he was waiting for an answer, although he didn't press the question. He sat patiently looking at me as I stole glances at him, without directly making eye contact. He knew I was uncomfortable and most likely knew where this conversation would lead if he did press the issue. So, I chose a cliché.

"Because I took this role and I have to play the part."

"What role Clay?" He sounded annoyed, "You know that this is just sex. I like girls. Someday I'll even get married and have kids. You cannot expect this forever."

And here we go. I really wasn't in the mood for this conversation for the fiftieth time this year. I knew every line by heart and was ready for the curtain call and fade to blue.

"I don't want to talk about this Kyle. I know all too well your life plans, and trust me I know they don't include me under your roof or in your bed, at least not always. I know you want your white picket fence and SUV and June Cleaver wife. I know you say you're not gay, but what the hell do you call this?"

I didn't want to hear the answer and I threw my hand up to stop his speech before it began. I could've kicked myself for having even said that and regretted it immediately. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to him? I've never been the type to live in the moment without thinking about tomorrow. I can be spontaneous, but I feel like I always have to have a plan. Order. .

"I'm stepping out for a moment. I'll be right back."

I watched the people scurrying on the streets below and the traffic out on the freeway. As the vehicles hummed by I realized that I had made an ass out of myself for something as minuet as a girl getting Kyle's number. An act I had committed single handedly, as much as I hated to do it. I couldn't hide the fact nor was there any need in attempting to. The cards will fall where they may and I knew I had to play the cards I'd been dealt, whatever they may be. There was no folding. I knew all I could do was call or raise. I decided to raise and to make like Lady Gaga and don my poker face. I could be the queen of hearts, but I refuse to be the Joker. So I headed back inside.

Chapter 7

I went back inside to find Kyle still sitting up, rubbing his brow with his left thumb knuckle. Body language of his that I know to mean discontentment and/or irritation. He had every right to be. I pushed him too much and too far when it came to our future. Clearly, we each wanted something different. I wanted him in it, and selfishly so, wanted him with me and only me. In my unwavering mind, that wasn't too much to ask for.

I crept to the side of the bed and watched as Kyle raised his head and then he looked into my eyes. It nearly took my breath and I had to inhale deeply to keep the waterworks from flowing. I felt the sting in my eyes and he extended his hand to me. An invitation I couldn't refuse.

"Better?"

I managed to keep the tears at bay and to struggle a response while cupping his hand with both of mine."Yeah. I'm okay."

"You know nothing has to come from this Coraline. I may not even like her. Who knows, she may be a psycho bitch."

Bitch for sure, although I didn't know her well enough to call her Norman Bates.

"She may be perfect," I spat out before realizing what I'd said and scanned his face for a response. The wicked half smile and raised eyebrow told me he didn't buy into my playing her up. Jesus Clay, stop it!

"Could be the perfect cover you know."A cover, cover for what? I thought. These mind games are making me insane. One second, he doesn't want this, and then he sends messages like this. What the hell does he want? Does he even know?

He sounded so blunt and nonchalant and changed course so quickly it nearly whiplashed me. I wasn't prepared for this roller coaster. I felt the blood cool in my veins. Not knowing how to respond I broke my gaze and stared at the floor. He could read my face and know my thoughts instantly. I couldn't have this distressing conversation now. Could I ever? The question irritated me.

"Clay, I know..."

I cut him off before he could say another word.

"Kyle, there's no need. I understand your feelings, I do. I just can't seem to tell it to my heart. Someday, I know this as you mentioned won't last forever. So, why don't we just use the time we have wisely? I really don't want to talk about this."

"I don't want to neither."

He spoke softly and I regained the courage to meet his eyes. We stared at one another for a long moment. It felt like hours. Time started to stand still again. I didn't want to blink, afraid I would miss one twinkle. Who knew how many more twinkles my eyes would behold? The bitter reality of the thought depressed me. Ha! Some poker face you got yourself there Clay. I had to snap out of this morose state. I would ruin everything. I have a week of solitary bliss with him, so, why waste it with conversations that ultimately end in impasse.

One moment at a time. I continued this mantra until he broke the silence.

"I don't like it when your face is like this."

I realized my face must've revealed gloom when Kyle used his fingertips to force the corners of my mouth to form a smile. I couldn't help but smile thereafter. I had to change the topic.

"So, you like your clothes?"

"Of course, they're awesome. You know me well. Although, I'm not sure these would look great on me."

He slipped his hand under his right leg, never looking away from my curious gaze, with a cunning look on his face and he pulled the black leather studded bikini brief from underneath and twirled it around his index finger.

"These would be best fitting on you. Wanna play, Clay?" He artfully emphasized each rhyming syllable simultaneously as he raised and lowered both eyebrows rapidly.

"Do you have to ask?"

He flicked the thongs at me my face and I caught them with my teeth, turned my head to the left slowly, and raised my right eyebrow seductively. Kyle watched me like a hawk with hunger in his eyes. I scanned his body and he had his hand under his boxers. His cock was already hard and protruding well above the waistline of his boxers.

I turned my body and danced behind one of the tall white columns to strip. I started with my shirt and tossed it gingerly to the floor next to me. The jeans were next to lie on the floor. Then I slid my underwear down that I was wearing and then turned my upper body around and poked out from behind the column. With one eye closed and aiming my fingers forward Kyle, I stretched the sheer black bikini and shot it to the bed.

"Mmmmm," Kyle moaned as he grabbed them and took them immediately to his nose. He inhaled so loudly and moaned so sensually I could feel myself start to swell. "Smells like peach."

"Damn boy, I don't know if I can put these on." I could feel my prick start thickening.

"Hurry before I shoot the ceiling," he begged.

"I am baby."

I was nearly breathless as I pulled my left leg through and up my thigh. I stuffed my swelling cock into the now too small pouch and then snapped the right side at my hip, thankful they wouldn't be on long. I caught a glance in the mirror in front of me. Pleased, I stepped out from behind the column and faced Kyle who lay with his cock exposed. Jesus! What a damn tool.

"Daaaammmn, you look hot! Get your sexy ass over here!"

I reached the side of the bed and eased up and straddled his pulsing cock.

"Surprises up your sleeve?" He donned his wicked smile.

"What kind of surprises are you up for?"

I was already sweating inside the leather and feeling him throb against my package made my blood boil. I was throbbing and aching to make public my own tool, so I was relieved when Kyle grabbed the side snap, pulled and released me. I leaned down to his mouth and licked his lower lip and then upper. His breathing became deeper and his breath was hot on my mouth and then right ear. I was squirming when he grabbed the right snap and then quickly jerked the leather and threw it to the floor. A bit rough.

"Aah! You wanna play rough do you?"

"Uh huh, you want this don't you?"Kyle grabbed his cock and shook it, smacking my abs. I lifted myself off him and then began gently sliding his boxers down his legs. "I think this'd be easier if I just stayed naked.'

"No protest here."

Once the boxers were tossed to the side, I slide back up licking his thigh until I reached his balls. I loved his scent. He smells like fabric softener and a light musk from his sweat. I could inhale it all day. I wished I could bottle it. His balls are hairless and smooth, his skin is so soft. My tongue made its way in a circular motion until is balls were soaked. Kyle was gently working his shaft. When my tongue reached the base of his shaft, he smacked me in the face with it and I opened my mouth wide, tongue out. He was shaking his cock and moving it all over my face, entering my mouth and then pulling out quickly, then continued smacking and wriggling it all around. I was thrusting my cock on the bed. He was already precumming, and I grabbed his shaft and cleaned his head with my mouth. Kyle moaned.

"Ah, you want the rest?" He asked smiling his crooked smile.

Oh God! I didn't know how to answer, but I was so horny I was sure it would just go on down, and stay there.

"Uh huh. Shoot it Kyle, fucking shoot it."

I opened my mouth even wider and positioned myself over his cock. Kyle started jacking harder, moving his hand over the entirety of his shaft. He used his other hand intertwine his fingers in my hair and grabbed firmly, holding my head in place.

"Mmmm, Kyle shoot, shoot."

"Alright peach, you ready? Take it like a dirty slut." He whispered aggressively.

"Feed me sexy." This talk was new, but it made me hornier, and more willing.

Kyle let out a few short moans and then I closed my eyes and felt the heat splatter my face and in my mouth. His breathing was heavy, and several streams of his juice covered my tongue. My taste buds immediately detected a bittersweet slimy texture. I closed my mouth and swallowed. He continued to cover my face. The heat and bittersweet juice went down my throat without difficulty. The aftertaste was sour, but I could learn to love it. Kyle released his grip of my hair and wiped my eyes, but surprisingly, he had avoided shooting them.

"Open your eyes peach."

I was reluctant, but I obeyed. I couldn't imagine how painful it would be to get jizz in them.

"New form of a facial," Kyle said giggling.

"I'm sure this is less exfoliating that my normal scrub, but this sticks better."

He chuckled. His jizz was dripping from my chin and could see a string clinging to my hair. Kyle took his hand and grabbed the string from my hair with his finger and then poked it in my mouth. I sucked the string off his finger and swallowed, but it wasn't a warm, and tasted more salty sweet than bitter. The texture was thicker.

I grabbed is boxers that had been thrown to the side and then wiped my face with them. I could smell his scent on them. I was still rampant. Kyle took notice and pulled my body closer to his face until I was sitting on his stomach. He spit on his hand and then grabbed my cock. Wasting no time, he got to work on me. He has a wonderful technique of twisting his hand while moving up and down, keeping his thumb extended so that it circles the head continuously. It is exquisitely satisfying. As always, I was near explosion within a couple of minutes. That's the thing about our sex I wish I could change. We're both always so turned on and in the heat of the moment, it only last moments. From my understanding, this is normal with gay sex that's hot.

I tightened my muscles in my legs and rose up a bit, arching my back. Kyle moved his hand faster and then reached under my balls with his free hand. I could feel him brace my taint with his hand, and then he slipped a finger over my anus and applied pressure. I could feel my anus opening and inviting his finger's entry. He felt it too, and gently pushed his middle finger in. I immediately felt intensely thrilled. Again, the feeling I had felt last night returned as he reached my prostate and I began coming on his chest immediately. There was no pain, although I thought I'd be sore from his hammering last night.

"Wow, enter that hole and it's done, huh?" Kyle was grinning from ear to ear. I was too breathless to answer verbally and nodded my head yes. He gently removed his finger and eased by body back down to a sitting position on his crotch. He was flaccid and his crotch was so immense, it was like sitting on a throw pillow, needless to say - comfortable.

"Oh my goodness, that was amazing Kyle," I finally managed to say.

"Yep, as always. The tubs big enough, wanna take a bath with me?" He asked.

"Of course. Let me run the water."

After I ran the water, I dimmed the lights until they were barely illuminated and lit the twenty plus candles in the bathroom. The track lighting in the ceiling was rendered useless, so I turned them off. The yellow tulips were the perfect accent to now extravagantly romantic room, even Casanova would be jealous. The only thing missing was wine and strawberries, but it wouldn't be fair to Kyle because he'd have to watch me drink it without him, so I vetoed it immediately upon the thought crossing my mind. I turned on the satellite radio to my favorite love station. Celine Dion sang softly in the background.

After we were both positioned in the enormous garden tub that could serve as child's wading pool, we were both silent and relaxed. Or at least I was completely comfortable, I couldn't be sure if Kyle was because his leg was propped on the side of the tub, but he looked relaxed. He had his head laid back and his eyes were closed. The steam rose from the tub. The water was so hot our foreheads were beaded with sweat.

"Want the jets on?" I asked.

"Ahh, that'd be perfect peach."

I turned the jets on low and we immediately vocalized our satisfaction simultaneously. Kyle ran his foot behind my back and nudged my back and I rose up and he wrapped his lower leg around my back, forcing me closer to his body. He was smiling my crooked smile and I got lost in his emeralds. He rubbed my neck and shoulders gently and closed my eyes and rolled my in a circular motion. His touch felt incredible with the perfect mix of genteel pressure. When I opened my eyes, I was immediately taken back to the night at the pool house. The candlelight flickered on his skin, illuminating his muscular chest and stunning face, just as the fire had done. His emeralds sparked in the glow. His jet black hair was wet and slicked back. The man is absolutely flawless in every sense of the word. He kissed my forehead, nose and then lips softly. I rested my hands on his upper chest.

"Kyle?"

"Yes."

"When did you realize that you were attracted to me?"

"Hum. The exact time?" he asked.

"Well, in general."

Kyle looked around the room, raised one eyebrow and then pursed his lips, obviously pondering the question before he responded.

"When we were younger."

His response surprised me. "When we were younger?"

"Yeah. Around puberty, I guess. You were, well, are hot. You hit a growth spurt and your voice changed," he laughed and buried my face in his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "There was a day when you were jogging and you were wearing running shorts, short running shorts." Another chuckle. "Then you made it out of the woods onto the trail where I was, near the river. You sat down right in front of me and were jabbering about some bird you saw. I caught glimpses of your package cause you were kinda hanging out of your shorts. You were wearing red underwear. I was attracted right then for the first time to another guy. I felt my dick swell, which scared me. I was confused."

"I remember that day, is that why you didn't talk to me for days after that?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I felt like a freak. I researched online and learned that it was normal for guys to do that, and that it would pass. Ha! It never passed."

"Have you ever been attracted to another guy other than me?" I asked, terrified of the answer.

"No, of course not. Only you." Relief flooded me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What? Then? I was really confused. I was more angry than anything. Your package looked bigger than mine!" He chuckled.

"Whatever!" I grabbed his cock. "You're crazy! This is bigger."

"When were you first attracted to me?" He asked.

"The moment you entered the class and Ms. Lowry said 'This is Kyle Turner."

"You're kidding me. That young?"

"Yep. You were the cutest boy I'd ever seen. I didn't know what feelings were, but I knew I felt different when I looked at you." This was the honest truth, even if an understatement.

"Did you ever sneak glances at me when I wasn't looking?"

"All the time," I answered quickly. "Every chance I got. I have lots of favorites of you in your swimming trunks, especially when you got out of the water. The wet trunks outlined you perfectly. I knew you were big. Did you ever look at me differently?"

"Yeah, of course after that day. I couldn't wait until I got the chance to see what you were wearing underneath your clothes. I didn't get the chance that often. I jacked off to those images a lot."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Had I only known then.

"I wish I had known, I would've stripped every chance I got! I jacked off fantasizing about you all the time, every time - it was about you," I confessed.

"I figured this much. That's why I always wore boxers, I was afraid I'd pop one and you'd notice."

We both laughed, and then were silent for the longest time, and I lied back on his chest, watching the candle's wick flicker. He had his strong arms around me, my protection.

"We may have missed some opportunities growing up, but look at us know. Perfect," he whispered.

"I agree."

It really was perfect and I hoped it wasn't the pain meds taking.

Chapter 8

The remainder of the week was just as glorious as the first day at The Hilton. Other than it ending too soon, it was the best week of my life. I got to see a glimpse into the future I hoped for. Our bond was closer than ever, or at least in my perception. I hated for Kyle to go back to the filthy frat house with drunken fools bouncing and frolicking all over the place. Kyle would only allow me to return to the dorms with a body guard and parameter search in case Leo attempted to approach me. Kyle's bodyguard of choice was none other than Jason. Jason stopped by every day to make sure I was okay, and had a pact with Kyle to ensure that I checked in with him when I departed and arrived back to my dorm.

I felt smothered and frail. I am quite capable of taking care of myself, and I hated the fact that Kyle thought perhaps that I couldn't. I guess I should feel secure that he cares enough to make such a sacrifice of my privacy. Three months of security, I wondered how much it would take for me to repay Jason, although he refused to accept anything from me during the time. Each time he stopped by, I'd offer, and he'd smile his brilliant smile and walk away. A few times, he looked back and I wondered if he was checking to see if I was watching him walk away or just to see me again, either way, he was always grinning when he turned his head back around. I wondered if he was gay, especially considering the encounter that aroused me in the bathroom, which I still felt guilty about.

Kyle was fully healed and his cast was removed a few days ago. He continued to come over throughout the past three months, each time much the same, but special also, and my feelings were stronger than ever. The more time we spent together, more glue was added to seal the bond. I am in love with him. I wonder how I could ever say these words aloud to him, but I know that I can't, it would end in heartache for me, and ultimately the this conversation. I hated that conversation. His mind is unwavering in the this aspect. Kyle and I hadn't spoken so candidly and openly about our feelings for one another since that magnificent night in the tub at The Hilton. I wouldn't want any other conversation to overshadow or undermine it, unless it trumped it, which could only mean one of two conversations - love or the future I wish for.

I must stop dwelling! Kyle is coming over in a bit, he has something important to talk to me about he said. Butterflies in my stomach, I felt I could acid in my throat, and the anticipation in conjunction with my lack of patience was overwhelming. He wouldn't tell me the subject matter. Did he tell his parents? Is he coming out? Gosh, that's wishful thinking! Clay, get a hold on yourself!

I heard the key in the lock and my fretting was instantly replaced by a smile. Although it was broad daylight, Kyle insisted upon me keeping my door locked at all times. After Kyle walked in and locked the door behind him, he walked up to me and gave me a hug. His embrace felt weaker than normal.

"Hey big guy, what's up?" I asked.

"Not much, I need to talk to you."

"I know that, you've told me."

We walked over to the bed and he sat me down on the edge and then sat beside me and cupped my hands in his. My heart was racing. He looked down at our hands, and I knew he was struggling to find the words to begin.

"What is it Kyle, are you okay?"

"Yeah, umm," he said and released my hands and started pacing the floor at the foot of the bed. "I've been talking to Coraline." He still looked down at the floor and wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"Oh," was all I could manage. My worst nightmare was coming true right before my eyes. Now my eyes were fixated on the floor also. I finally mustered "And?"

"Well, Clay, we're going on a date tomorrow night. How about that?"

He sounded excited. I was devastated.

"Are you really asking me what I think about that, really?" My tone was harsher than it needed to be.

"Come on Clay. You should be happy for me. This is my shot at normalcy and happiness. You'll really like her once you get to know her."

"How well do you know her?" I bit back.

"We've been talking for a couple of weeks. She's really funny!"

"Just talking?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Yes, I haven't fucked her if that's what you're asking," he snapped back, obviously annoyed.

"No that's not what I meant. I meant, what are you two. Are y'all talking or are y'all dating?"

"Both, I guess. I came here to tell you so you wouldn't find out from someone else. I'm doing the right thing here, so give me some slack, please. I really like her and want to give it a shot."

"My mind understands Kyle, it's my..." I paused and gathered the strength to look into his eyes.

He knelt down in front of me and placed his hands on each side of my face, wiping an escaped tear from my cheek.

"Clay, please don't do this. I can't stand this and I don't want you to hurt. I have to give myself a chance at a normal life. It doesn't mean that you won't be in my life, peach. You're my best friend and nothing can come between that."

I knew what I wanted to say, I don't want to be only best friends, but I knew I couldn't.

"Kyle. I want you to be happy, that's what I want. I just wish I could be the one to bring you the happiness you're seeking, that's all." I said.

"You do bring me happiness. I'm just searching for the next chapter in my life. We cannot go on like we have been. I'm holding you back from finding the life you want."

I cut him off. "The life I want involves you, Kyle, and not in the fashion in which you speak of."

"I know, Clay, but I can't. It's not how I want to live my life."

"I KNOW! But, I don't understand why."

"Because it is not me. Do you know how people are treated? That's my main concern about you."

"About me?" I asked puzzled.

"I worry about you living the gay life. People don't accept it."

"What era are you living in, Kyle? Normal is what is normal to you, not society. Even society has come to accept homosexuality. Several states even allow same-sex marriage, and some others don't, but at least recognize it. Times are changing, and there are predictions that the entire United States will allow someday." I retorted.

"It's still not me," he whispered and pointed to his heart.

We were silent for a long moment. I was livid and hurt. He was pacing and now biting on the tip of his right thumbnail.

"So, where do we go from here?" I asked.

"I don't know, I thought we'd take it day by day. I am not leaving you Clay."

"What do you mean?"

"Just ask, are you asking if we're still going to have sex?" he asked.

"Yes, that's what I want to know. Am I supposed to hope that you'll enter in the night to get your fix?"

"I don't know how to answer that, Clay. I don't know any more than you do. It's just dating. It's not like I'm going to propose tomorrow, or even in the next couple of years. Jesus, you always jump to conclusions."

"You're right, I do. I won't stand in line Kyle. I won't."

I raised my head and looked into his eyes. If his eyes were an indication of his feelings, then I could tell that he was hurting too. I felt awful. He came to me and told me himself, which I know had to have taken guts, because as much as I don't want to admit to myself, he knows that I love him, and he knew this would be difficult for me. I've done nothing but make him feel worse. I felt ashamed.

"I don't expect you to. I want you to move on and find someone that you can go out with, have dates, and just be yourself."

"And you're okay with me just going around and fucking any guy I want to?" Shit, I'm making him feel worse.

"No, Jesus. I'm saying find a real boyfriend. Not fucking any guy."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Your mind is obviously made up. I wish you well."

I stood from the bed, and I did something I had never done before.

"Kyle, I think you should leave. I need time to process this." Sadness consumed me.

He looked from my face to the floor and back to my face. I guess he was sizing up my seriousness. It was hard for me to believe too, I knew what he was thinking. He walked to the door and unlocked it. When he put his hand on the knob, he turned and faced me. He looked perplexed, then turned back and opened the door.

"Kyle wait! I'm sorry. I'm a damned idiot," I pleaded. "Please don't go. I didn't mean to rain on your parade, forgive me. I am happy for you."

I was lying through my teeth, and it pained me. He saw right through me.

"You're lying, but I'll accept. Give me a chance, I'm begging you."

"I won't do anything to jeopardize you or your happiness. You know me better than that." I'm sure it was barely audible because I could hardly hear myself through the sobbing. "So, what are your plans?"

I was hoping to lighten the mood, although I know I couldn't fake being pleased. I had managed to turn my brightly lit room into a sea of doom.

"I don't know. I was hoping you'd help me?" he asked.

Oh sure, Kyle, I'll help you seal my fate. "What do you need help with? You're a great catch, you don't have to try."

"Well, you know all the best restaurants and stuff, you're the romanticist," he said with his wicked smile.

My heart turned flips. I was so confused, and wanted nothing more than to run out. Just run away. I had never felt this way, but I was ready to give up. His smile weakens me, and all I could think of is how his smile would soon belong to someone else, how it already does. Soon, that porcelain bitch would have it all. The thought revolted me. How could I ever look at him the same? This was not happening to me in this moment. If it's not bad enough this is happening at all, he wants me to help him.

"What type of food?" I asked.

"Italian or American it really doesn't matter."

"You can't go wrong with Juniper Restaurant for American cuisine. They're top notch. Scene is casual and it isn't overcrowded."

"Ah, is that the one in the Georgetown area?"

"That's the one. What are you wearing?"

"I figured just casual, probably some khaki's and a polo. I don't want to overdo it."

"I figured this much, that's why Juniper is perfect. No black tie." I faked a smile. "Do you want to borrow my car since you refuse to allow me to buy you one?"

"Are you sure? I thought about asking, but then thought it may be asking too much of you. It's not like you're thrilled about this, Clay. Let me see your browns."

I looked up and he leaned down and kissed my lips. What the hell?

"Kyle, you've got to stop." I demanded.

"What? Do you think we're going to stop?" he asked unflinching.

"Uh, yeah, if you're going to be dating someone. Aren't you going to be faithful to her?"

"Yeah, there won't be another girl, so technically I will be faithful. You and I are not through," he said with his crooked grin, but I wasn't affected the way I normally was.

"You just sounded like a douche Kyle. You can't possibly be serious." I turned and walked away.

"Yeah it does sound bad, but I can't just let you go."

"You can't have your cake and eat it too, Kyle. It will catch up with you, with us."

I couldn't believe my own words. Was I trying to talk him out of me? It just wouldn't be right of him, and he's better than to do that to someone. I'm better than this. Could I really stand in line and get her sloppy seconds, even if it is the man I'd die for? I would hope not, but the truth is - I know I'd do it. The thoughts made me loathe me. I was even angrier that Kyle assumed I'd be waiting and that his being with her wouldn't deter me. I know the only reason he's saying these things is to make me feel better in this moment, he may not have intentions of ever returning to my bed. I don't know, the unknowns are driving me crazy.

"We'll cross that bridge if we have to," he said nonchalantly. "There are things we haven't done, and things I want to do. We've just treaded some new grounds," he stated.

"You're right, we have. I just wouldn't feel right though. It'd be too daring..."

He cut me off by grabbing my face and kissing my lips roughly, his stubble burned my mouth. "Daring, huh?" he smirked.

I gave in and was succumbed by his power. He picked me up and threw me on the bed. He threw himself on top of me and it knocked the breath out of me. I gasped but Kyle didn't notice, or didn't care and kissed me again wildly, like ravenous beast. He rose up, took his shirt off and threw it across the room. Then he stood up on the bed and slid his shorts and boxers down. My apprehensiveness disappeared. The view I had from below was exquisite. His body, oh God, his body. He stood over me peering down into my face, and then he leaned down and ordered me to remove my shirt as he hurriedly unbuttoned my jeans and then yanked them so hard the zipper broke. Once I was down to only my red low rise bikini briefs, he stood back up over me. He returned his gaze to my body, and then he grabbed his thick cock and shook it at me.

"Tell me how you want it peach," he commanded.

I didn't answer verbally. I opened my mouth wide and licked my lips, thoroughly wetting them. Kyle grabbed my legs and slid me down the bed away from the headboard and then propped my head with a pillow. He crouched over me and shoved his cock in my mouth. He took it out, slapped both sides of my face, and then shoved it back in. I opened my mouth wider to avoid scraping him with my teeth and covered my lower teeth with my tongue. He pumped hard and I gagged every other thrust. He was holding his body up with one arm, the other behind his back, and was performing in a pushup fashion. His strength is supernatural. He never slowed down and continued to fuck my face harder. He was moaning loudly and then pulled out. My mouth was tinged with precum.

He hopped down my body and sat on my crotch. Then he leaned down and kissed me. This kiss was gentler and I was taken to my special place.

"Is that what I taste like? Salty!"

I couldn't help but giggle. "You're silly. You're being a tiger big guy. Have you missed me?" I asked.

"Of course I have," he whispered.

Another kiss and we were both panting and grinding. I bit his lower lip and licked the tip of his nose. He reached down and grabbed the side of my underwear and yanked. To my surprise, they ripped and he repeated on the other side. Kyle had never been so rough, and I'd never been so confused and fiery. Kyle then looked into my eyes and he brought the underwear to his nose and inhaled deeply. He stuffed them in his mouth and brought his face to mine. I bit them also and we played tug of war with our mouths. He won and slung them to the side. Kyle then spit on his hand and wet his cock. My heart was racing and without warning he penetrated me.

I gasped and unintentionally let out a small cry. I was in a state of shock. I couldn't believe he did this without asking, or at least lubing up. I felt immediate pain. Pain I had never felt before, much more intense than the last time. I felt paralyzed by it, as if I couldn't form words. I grabbed Kyle's hips in an attempt to slow his swift plunges. His strength didn't seem to mind my hand's attempt at interference. And as quickly as the pain had overtaken my ability to think and move, it was gone. I could feel all of him inside me and his member was gliding as if it were thoroughly lubed. Then that sensation I had felt before was back at every forward thrust. I didn't realize until I moved my legs to his waist, that my body was so tense that my legs and feet had joined the effort to slow his pace because they were locked at his buttocks. I threw my hands to hips and in a reverse effort, forced his hips closer. Each thrust he made I pushed closer to my body.

Kyle's reservations about privacy were gone, evident by his moans and shouts of pleasure. I too was panting and much more vocal than usual.

"Fuck me Kyle, fuck me!"

"Ahh, yeah peach. You like this dick don't ya!"

"Yeah big guy, shove it." I continued my forcing motion with this thrust. "Harder!"

"Alright, you asked for it pretty boy!"

Kyle pulled out of me and I immediately wanted him back in. He flipped me on my stomach and I instantly raised my ass in the air and braced myself with my arms. On all fours, with no control over Kyle's pace or movements, I let him take me like a dog. I felt his inches slide in. Instant pleasure when I felt his thighs on my ass.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "That's it big guy, take it!"

"Hold on boy, I'm gonna steer," he whispered.

Kyle grabbed my hips and then started to pound my ass so hard that my body was pushed forward each time his pelvis contacted my ass. Kyle then grabbed my shoulder with his hand and pulled me backwards until I was sitting near upright on my knees, never losing his rhythm. He kissed the side of my face. Then he licked my earlobe and nipped at it with his lips. His breathing was becoming shallower and his vocalization higher pitched. I knew he was close, so I grabbed my own cock and started jerking. He braced my body with one hand across my chest while still holding the hip he never released with his other.

"Oh, fuck, peach!" He was obviously short of breath. Then a few slower thrusts later, he let out a long moan and I felt the warmth of his juice in my body, and I shot mine on the pillow in front of me and my own moans were released. He pulled out and we looked into one another's eyes.

Exhausted and exhilarated, we both collapsed back onto the bed.

Chapter 9

The stillness of the dawn greeted me as I opened my eyes. As I stretched, my body ached. I was alone. Kyle had slipped out in the night or early this morning. A quick glance around the dorm failed to yield a note. What happened last night? What the hell was that? Am I really that defenseless? I felt the sting in my eyes and a tear rolled down into my ear. Fearing the future would hold many more uncertainties made me cringe inwardly. I felt tremendously disheartened and wanted to pull the covers over my head to shut the world out. I needed a shower, but I didn't want to wash Kyle away. I could smell him on me and the sheets, a glorious combination of his body and cologne.

A full day had passed as I aimlessly minded to mundane chores around the dorm. I felt like I was playing a waiting game, although I didn't know exactly what I was waiting for - other than him. I made my way to the petite laundry room down the hall. Thankfully, it was deserted. I threw in the load of towels and washrags, loaded the coin slot, dumped the detergent and closed the lid.

"A day for mindless tasks for you too, huh?" A familiar voice asked.

It startled me. Jason noticed.

"Sorry, Clay, didn't mean to scare you. You okay?"

Jason sounded concerned. Is it that obvious? Geez!

"I'm fine Jason, just tired. How are you?"

"Ah, well, thanks for asking. You washing exotics today?"

"Pardon me?" I was confused, then it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt foolish. Why is he mentioning my unmentionables again?

"Not today."

Jason giggled and I watched as he prepared to dump his clothes in the washer, which had all sorts of mixed colors with whites and jeans, a disastrous combination.

"Jason wait! Don't mix all of that, silly, unless of course, you want those whites pink. Is this how you always wash your clothes?"

"Um," he cocked his head and rubbed the back of his hair, "Actually, I never wash my clothes." He blushed.

"Interesting. Then why start today?"

Jason bit his lower lip and looked down into my eyes. "I noticed you were coming in here and I thought I'd have an excuse to catch up with you."

"I see." What?

"I'm weirding you out. Great job Jason! I'm weirding you out, you can run now. Sorry."

"Nothing to apologize about Jason, I'm not weirder out, but why are you acting this way."

He stared at the floor for a long moment, which made me feel awkward, so I walked over to the washer where he dumped his clothes and started to pull them out. "Let me teach you how to separate."

Jason walked over to the washer and helped me fish out the remainder of the clothes and we put them back into the basket. He was smiling again, so I knew the diversion put him back at ease.

"Now, first, you separate whites from colors and jeans. There should be three piles, generally. Or, some people wash their jeans with their colored clothing."

"Really. Humph. I had no idea."

"Clearly," I teased and elbowed his rib.

We continued to sort his clothing, and I grabbed the next article in the basket. My face turned pink. I was holding a pair of white jock straps with a red band. Jason cleared his throat and grabbed them from my hand and hurriedly threw them in the whites pile. "Oh, didn't realize they were in there. Can these be washed with whites since they have red on them?"

I didn't look into his eyes, "Yes, they'll be fine."

"Well, they're not as fancy as yours, but they keep me together in the shorts," he chuckled.

I smiled, "That's good."

There was silence, and a million thoughts raced through my mind. I could gauge from his stance, he was within his own sea of thoughts. What is this? My heart fluttered again, just as it had when he had pressed his crotch to mine in the bathroom of my dorm - although I couldn't ascertain whether or not he had done it purposefully. I could feel him staring at me. I glanced over and into his sultry blue eyes. My heart flipped, and I was hoping that my breathing was normal.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this sad, what's up?"

I could tell his inquiry was sincere. I wanted to answer, but if I did, it would be a lie because I couldn't tell him the truth, even though I wanted desperately to vent to someone. I simply couldn't reveal our secret. Immediately, my mind was filled with images of him. My face must've looked pained, because Jason noticed it instantaneously.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me. I'm being nosy. I can't help but notice you just don't look yourself. I'm used to you looking like a French model or something."

The words embarrassed me. I hadn't even showered, and my current look definitely wasn't me. I became instantly conscious that I was wearing sleeping pants and a wrinkled t-shirt, and I hadn't yet showered. I didn't even bother checking my hair before I walked out the door. Damn! I must look a hot mess. I put my hand to my hair and rustled it.

"Yeah, you're right, Jason. I must look terrible. I've just been busy today and don't feel that great."

"I didn't mean to make you feel self-conscious. Don't feel bad. Damn! I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it like that."

My eyes stung again, this time, a few tears escaped and hit the floor without warning.

"Come on, Clay, let's get out of here," he offered.

Jason grabbed his clothes basket and escorted me to my door. Luckily, the hall was still deserted and I didn't have to face anyone as I attempted to hide my shame. Although with Jason's arm around my shoulders, his pit would've made a perfect hideout. Jason was taller than me and I barely reached the height of his shoulder. I had left my door unlocked and Jason opened the door and dropped the basket inside the door, then quickly shut and locked it behind us. I didn't expect what happened next.

Jason turned me to face him and enveloped me in a tight bear hug. This level of concern really made me give in to my emotions and I began to weep in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he held me tighter. He released one hand from his gripping hold and placed it on the back of my head and began to stroke my hair. Although I was lost in an ocean of emotions, I could feel his touch, and it was gentle, and soothing. I found myself balling less and returned to normal breathing. I was certain that I had already soaked his shirt. I turned my head from the buried position it had been on his chest. Breathing was once again normal and the tears fewer, although my throat felt the repercussions of the weeping session. I took in a few deep breaths and released my hold of his waist. Jason didn't immediately release his embrace, but did minimize his grasp. I placed my hands on his torso and looked up at his face. I didn't say a word, and he was silent also, as if he was waiting for me to break the silence. His face expressed empathy for me. I didn't know what to say.

"Thank you, Jason. I...I..."

"Shh. It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I just want you to be well."

Jason then took both of his hands and wiped the wetness from the sides of my face. The motion was fluid, and he kissed my forehead, just like a loved one would do in a loving and comforting manner. His lips were soft, and he held his mouth on my forehead for a moment, and I could feel his warm breath. I didn't push away, although I felt I should. Jason moved his hands and mouth away from my face and took one step back. I looked into his eyes, and he peered back into mine. I could recognize the hunger in his eyes, but then he didn't follow through with his desire. Instead, he walked to the bed and sat on the edge and motioned for me to sit beside him. I obliged, although I really wanted to run into the bathroom and lock myself in to hide the humiliation that was building within me and no doubt written on my face.

"Clay, I wish I could help you through what it is that's gotten you so down."

I didn't want to respond, but thought I must. "I appreciate that, and I appreciate you being here for me today, but I really don't want to talk about it. Talking won't help. I just have to change a few things in my life, and get used to the fact that my life is not going to be what I pictured it to be."

"I understand that. You know, you have to do what is right for you. You deserve to be happy, so you should just do the things, and change the things, or behaviors in your life that make you anything less than happy." He sounded like a Psychology major.

"You're right. This epiphany is new to me, so all I need is time to focus on me and my goals, and I'll make the right changes. I need to shower, do you mind?" I asked.

"Not at all. You want me to check your clothes? I don't mind to throw them in the dryer for you."

"That'd be great Jason, thanks. There's change in the bowl by door. I'll only be a few minutes. You sure you don't mind to?"

"Nope." He smiled and let the door close behind him, without grabbing any change.

The steam rolled from the shower as I stood motionless, allowing the water to run down my aching body. Kyle's roughness was taking its toll on me today. Kyle. Oh, God! I hope he doesn't come in and see Jason here, what would he think? Although this is innocent, he would probably think otherwise. Would he even care? I wish I knew the truth. What was this with Jason? He has to at least be bi. No straight man is that caring and sensual towards another guy. Oh, God! What is this? Is he attracted to me? No! He can't be! Why did he want to catch up with me in the laundry room? What are his motives? This inner monologue is driving me crazy! Stop Clay!

I shook my head from side to side and lightly slapped the sides of my face. This is innocent, I told myself. Seeing my reflection, it wasn't as bad as I thought considering how I felt, physiologically and psychologically. Then it dawned on me. All of my towels were now being placed in the dryer by Jason. Panicked, I looked around to find something to cover myself so that I could run out and get my robe from the closet and grab some clothes. Nothing! I peeked out the bathroom door, Jason hadn't returned, so ran to the dresser. I jerked open the drawer and heard the door open from the side of me. Damn, the robe wasn't in the drawer, so I grabbed a random pair of briefs and turned my back to the door. I heard the door close from behind me.

"Whoa, sorry!" he exclaimed.

I bent down and slipped one leg in the green low-rise bikini's and then the other and slid them up. I was too terrified and embarrassed to turn around. I hadn't heard footsteps, so I wondered if Jason was watching me.

"My eyes are closed, promise!" Jason said.

"Great, keep them that way. I need clothes from my closet."

I walked to my closet and grabbed a pair of jeans and a top. My back was still turned to Jason, but I could see his reflection in the chrome lamp on my bedside table. The look on his face confirmed my thoughts. His eyes were open and he was staring at my ass with his eyebrows raised, head cocked sideways, and his mouth partly open, clearly admiring the view. Shit! I pulled up the pants and zipped them and threw on my shirt and adjusted it as I turned around to face him. I decided not to call him out on my catching him with his eyes wide open.

"Sorry about that, the towels are now in the dryer. I thought you'd be gone longer."

"No need for apologies," he was still smiling. "Feel better?"

"Tons, nothing exfoliation can't aid. Hey, thanks for taking care of the clothes for me."

It was then I noticed that Jason was wearing basketball shorts with sleeveless shirt that was ripped down the sides. His red shorts caught my attention because he had an obvious bulge that wasn't noticeable before. Geez, was he slightly aroused? I was so confused, and didn't know what to do.

"That's great," Jason said. "Ah, and you're looking like the pinup boy again, good sign."

"Thanks, I do feel like I look better." I walked to the bed and sat on the edge and rustled my hair.

"It looks great, you don't have to continue to toss it around like that."

Jason walked to the bed and sat beside me. I felt self-conscious knowing he had seen me nude, even if it had been only from behind. Gauging his facial expression, he liked what he saw, or at least it didn't repulse him, so I knew I shouldn't dwell. What did I care? I'm not interested in him, only Kyle. I'd never been interested in anyone but Kyle, and couldn't imagine ever being interested in anyone else, despite recent developments and the dwindling of my poker hand.

"So?" I asked, "Why did you want to catch up with me? Not that I'm ungrateful for your company, but I am curious."

"Well," he rubbed his neck, "I...I just noticed you were alone and Leo has been hanging around here today like a leech. Just wanted to make sure you got back safe, so I grabbed random clothes and shoved them in the basket and ran to the laundry room." He looked down at the floor; I assumed he was waiting for negative reaction. As much as it infuriates me that people don't think I can fend for myself, the gesture was charming.

"Again, I owe you thanks. I've been doing that a lot lately." I chuckled and threw myself back on the bed and put my hands over my eyes. "You must think I'm a dismal soul."

"Not at all." He grabbed my right hand and removed it from my eye and I glanced over. "In fact, I think you're just really damaged by something or someone right now."

He was right. I am damaged, not by someone else though. I'm damaged by my own convoluted hopes for the future, and my passion for Kyle. We made small talk for a long time and he eventually emulated my position and lay back on the bed with me.

"Hmmm. It feels great to have your company Jason. I am feeling much better at the moment, but I'm starving. Wanna grab lunch?"

"I'm always up for grub. Whatcha got?"

"Here, are you kidding me?" I laughed, "Junk food. I want substance."

"Oh, where do you wanna go?" he asked, attempting to mock my accent with a smile. It was cute.

"Doesn't matter to me, a diner, fast food, as long as they serve grease and carbs."

"Wow, Clay, you sure that figure of yours won't be harmed?" Then he ran his hand across my abs and I gasped.

The rise and lowering of his eyebrow quickly and half smile indicated he liked the response. I got up quickly and grabbed my wallet, keys, and phone from the valet on the dresser and met Jason at the door and locked it behind us.

"A burger and fries it is then?" I asked.

"Delectable," he said with a fake French accent.

We walked to my car and for this first time, I guess he noticed its beauty.

"Wow, this car is hot! Chrome finishes, custom rims," then he let out a catlike whistle as he walked around admiring the details. It made me realize how much I take it for granted.

"Well, you like the exterior, check out the interior." I pressed the remote keyless entry and tossed him the keys, "While you're at it, you can check out its horsepower."

"No way! You're going to let me drive?"

"Yep. I'm famished and don't feel like this traffic anyway."

I smiled as I got into the passenger seat. Seeing him act like a kid in a candy store elated me. Jason got in and then adjusted the review mirror and then marveled the interior's custom design. He didn't have to know it was custom. After multiple adjustments to the driver's side, he was ready to go. Jason was taller than me, and although I estimated that he is about Kyle's size, I refrained from telling him to just hit the second driver profile function to automatically adjust to Kyle's settings. I preferred to keep it in, and not have to explain that, although he knows we're best friends and it wouldn't be uncommon for him to be found in all my possessions.

The traffic was lighter than I expected, but it was only 4:00 p.m., and traffic would be heavier later, I had decided Jason could drive then too. He is a good driver, and he obviously loved driving the car. I don't think a natural disaster could wipe the smile off his face, or his demeanor change. He was laid back in the seat like a thug in a low rider. The site made me snicker.

"Look at you, driving like a regular ole cool-cat." The joking felt great, and the smiles felt even greater.

"I look good don't I," he said while bobbing his head up and down slowly making a ticking sound like he was calling a dog.

I couldn't help but admit to myself how adorably cute I found him. His attention went back to the road and I sneaked glances at him periodically. We had passed several fast food chains by this point.

"Anything appear appetizing to you?" I asked.

"No, not here. Actually, I want to take you to the east side of town, there's a great little place that serves home-style grease and carbs I think you'll like."

East side? Really? I've always been warned to steer clear of that neighborhood. Mainly by Kyle, but I never questioned it. Apparently, it is the slum. I felt anxious immediately.

"I've never been to east side of town before. What's the place called?"

"GiGi's."

It sounds homelike.

Chapter 10

As we continued to drive with only the background music, I took in the sights of the unexplored and forbidden land. An area in which I'd been warned would bring impending trouble, as if it were like walking into an active volcano. The roads became congested and narrower the further we drove into the bustling mix of businesses, apartments above with wrought ironed patios, occasional cul-de-sacs and what looked like low-income housing projects. I watched people walking down the sidewalks going about their business.

I was excited and intrigued by the busting of this small township within the city. Unlike the larger city, it appeared people were being social with one another, stopping or waving to say hello. I saw many smiles and laughter. The culture was much different here. It seemed more like the small towns outside Savannah where my relatives lived. It felt home-like, despite the desolation and dilapidation of sporadic areas. There were stray dogs and cats sneaking around the trash cans and alleys, most likely hoping to find their next meal. The realization saddened me.

"You're not in shock are you?" Jason asked.

"No, not at all. This place is very diverse. I find it very interesting. Tell me, why would I be warned to not come here?"

I was hoping he wouldn't ask where the warnings came from, and answer me truthfully based on his perceptions.

"Well, I'm not sure why they would, unless they were just afraid you wouldn't fit in. It's not exactly ranked..." he paused, "first class, Clay."

"I guess that makes sense, but just so you know, I am cultured and I'm not entirely sheltered from the world. That's one of the reasons I traveled a long distance from home to attend school here. I want to experience more, just like this. Is it safe to walk the streets here?" I was hoping he would say yes.

"Yeah, during the day. I don't recommend you walking these streets at night, especially not alone. It can be just as dangerous as downtown at night. This car alone would make you a target. No worries though, I'm here, its daylight, and it's not like you're planning to come here and party. Ha!" I stared silently out the window. "Are you?" more of demand than a question.

"Oh no, are you kidding me? Doesn't seem like the party life is here, or at least not for me."

The moment I said that we made what seemed like the twentieth turn since we'd been in the congested area, and I saw them - symbols everywhere. They were adorning flags, window shops, flagpoles, and even merchant signs, yards and front doors. Gay Pride Rainbows were at every turn. And then the most magnificent sight, there were same-sex couples, or who I assumed were couples, holding hands, and just walking down the street or huddled in groups. They were acting normal, but outdoors, in the streets, entering shops, eating at roadside cafés. I'd read of communities like this, but I had no idea I lived mere miles away from one. Is this what I was being deterred from? It all made sense now. My seeing people acting normally, and this seeming like the epitome of normalcy for me, would only further strengthen my urging. No wonder.

"Well, what are you thinking, a penny for your thoughts?" Jason smiled.

"I'm speechless. Aren't they afraid? How can they act so seemingly normal in public like this?" I was in a state of mystification.

"Maybe because they don't have to hide behind walls. Maybe they realize that it's okay to be who they are in public, and that it doesn't matter what others' perceptions of them are. This community is a gay friendly community, meaning that they are made welcome and there are even officers on duty in the area around the clock to increase security."

"That's amazing..." I managed to muffle, astounded.

"We're here." Jason pointed at a sign that read 'GiGi's" written in burnt orange on an oval black sign that hung from a wood shingled, charming front porch entrance. There were ferns hanging between each tall Victorian column and eve. It was like something out of a Country Living magazine. It was absolutely breathtaking. It had to at least be three stories. I was expecting some roadside pub.

"Jason, this is a beautiful place. Suddenly I feel underdressed."

"Ha ha!" he chuckled. "I was hoping you'd be impressed, but no worries, GiGi will hook us up with a great table, and lots of grease and carbs!"

GiGi? He must be a regular patron. Jason started to open his door, and then I reached for my handle. "Uh uh, hold on, sit tight," he ordered.

Okay. What is he doing? I watched him walk in front of the car and he walked to my door and opened it and extended his hand to me to help me out the car. Such a gentlemen. I was reluctant to take his hand, not because I am ashamed of whom I am, but because I didn't know why he was doing it. I was becoming more and more aware that Jason is at least bi. Had to be. Why else would his behavior have been so weird and wonderful today.

"Come on, take it. I know how much you want to just experience what it's like to be yourself. I want to show you how easy it can be, and besides, no one has to know we're just friends, and I don't give a damn if anyone thinks I'm gay, I'm quite comfortable with my sexuality." He motioned with his head for me to come on.

And what is that sexuality, I wondered. Either he is straight, and extremely comfortable with that fact, as he so mentioned, or he was closeted. Go figure. At this point, I didn't give a damn.

"Oh, what the hell," I snickered.

I smiled and extended my hand. Jason's strength nearly pulled me straight up without any effort from my legs. It was a good thing, my legs were still sore, and lack of food wasn't helping my strength at all. Jason then wrapped his arm under mine and held his hand straight toward his torso, as if he were escorting a queen into a ball. I had to silently admit, it felt nice.

"People are staring at us, Jason." I knew it was only my conscious and paranoia attempting to spoil the daring first time experience - not with Jason, but first time ever locking arms with a man in public. Clearly, I was suffering from the spotlight effect.

"No, they're staring at you. Or maybe the car..." he looked back to check it out again, and then back at me. "No, it's you."

"I highly doubt that!" I retorted. I could feel that I was fidgeting and not making eye contact with anyone as we continued past what seemed to be a sea of people, like the center of an undersized, crowded dance floor.

"You're staring at the ground, so I cannot imagine that you can see where anyone else is looking. Trust me, people are looking at you. Look up and smile, let them see your million dollar smile," he coaxed, elbowing my side lightly.

I looked up and attempted to smile, but knew I would come off fake. I was so full of different emotions that I felt nauseated. But I managed to look up and smile. I felt silly about my reservations when I realized that there was no one staring at me, or at us. To everyone else, we are just another couple enjoying their day. A natural smile was donned.

"There we go," Jason said while looking directly into my eyes.

When we reached the door Jason told the petite hostess his name and she motioned toward the stairs. He thanked her by name and led me up the rustic wooden stairs. We passed through two rooms full of empty tables adorned with mix-matched chairs, white tablecloths, and unlit candles in each center. We walked into a small room that looked as if it had most likely been a bedroom in a previous life. The room had a single table that set off-center and strategically placed in front of a wood burning fireplace. On the mantle rested olden framed photos of people from a different generation and what appeared to be silver candelabras with unlit, burned taper candles. The table was preset with wine glasses and silverware. There was a window facing the east that was draped with a lace panel. Along the far side in the corner of the east wall there was a red chase lounge decorated with two neutral throw pillows. The hardwood floors completed the look of this countryside dining room for two. I loved it. Aside the modern touches; it had the feel as if you were sitting in the late 1800's.

"What do you think, Clay?" Jason asked excitedly.

"I love it. It's very Victorian, it's flawless. I don't think I've ever been in such a more relaxed dining area in my life."

"Well then, let your hair down!" he chuckled. "It's time for those carbs."

"Yes it is. So, is there a cowbell we're supposed to ring?"

Jason furrowed his brows.

"I'm just kidding!" I retorted.

"Well, fellas, how are you doin'?" a male voice came from behind me.

A tall older gentleman with piercings in both ears approached the table and laid down two beverage coasters. What'll it be to drink?"

"I'll have sweet tea," Jason replied.

"For you?" the kind man turned his head toward me.

I ordered an unsweetened tea with lemon and as the man left to retrieve the drinks I thanked him, and looked back at Jason, who was still looking at my face. I had a feeling his eyes had never left my face. I stared back and made eye contact for a short moment, and then my eyes flickered down to the table. It was obvious to me at this point that Jason was clearly either psycho, or he was into me, or both - I didn't know which. But damn, he is gorgeous, and I hated myself for admitting it. He is more than just an attractive man; he has a heart of gold, which only adds to his appeal.

"You've been doing that a lot." Jason asserted.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Getting lost in your thoughts. I wish I knew what you are thinking."

"Right now...?"

"Here you are fellows, so what'll you have?" the server asked as he sat our drinks onto the coasters, "Sweet for you, and unsweetened for you doll" directing the latter at me.

Jason gave the server the stink-eye behind his back, the server's eyes never left me. I suddenly realized I hadn't even seen a menu. Jason cleared his throat, obviously to divert the server's attention off of me. Okay, which is it?

"Yes, for you?" he asked Jason.

"I'd like a cheeseburger cooked well done with only lettuce, tomato, and mayo, and an order of fries."

"And for you?" God! Jason is going to punch this guy.

Jason raised his right eyebrow and stared the man down.

"I'll have a cheeseburger also, sir, cooked well done with lettuce, pickles, mayo, ketchup and mustard, and also an order of fries."

"Will that be all?" he said, smiling too big for the question.

"Yes, thank you very much." I smiled and he widened his smile, which I didn't think was humanly possible.

As he walked away, I could tell that my eyes were large and Jason looked at me and laughed as I shook my head from side to side.

"Wow, you have quite the admirer. Perhaps I should move my chair closer to ward him off."

"I don't think that will be necessary, Jason. If you're going to go places with me, then you'll have to get used to this!" I boasted, which really raised my confidence. For the first time today, I felt good.

"I bet all the guys are probably tripping all over you." I rose a bit higher.

Again, my eyes were on the table. The miserable truth is that my thoughts continued to race toward Kyle and how I wished he were in the chair across from me. Then ironically, my phone rang. It was him. Jason looked away.

"Hello," I answered.

"Hey Peach! Where are you? I'm at your dorm, I wanted to drop by to make sure you're okay," Kyle said in his silky smooth voice.

"I..I am grabbing some lunch. Yeah, I'm okay. How are you?"

"Fine. Where are you, I can join you?"

Shit! I wish I didn't have to do this.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for your date?" Obviously avoiding answering his question.

"No, it's still three hours away. I've got time, and besides, I need you to help me. I'm not sure if I should wear the dark or light top with these khakis."

I could tell that the volume was loud enough that Jason didn't have to guess what was being said on the other end of the line. He could hear every word crystal clear. Jason looked perplexed, but was looking off to the side as if he hadn't heard a word.

"I'll be home in about an hour or so, will that work?"

Kyle was silent for a brief moment. Kyle was clearly not used to my stalling when it came to him, he must be feeling baffled.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll let you go and see you in about an hour. Later." he said, and phone went silent.

"Kyle?" There was no answer.

I laid the phone on the table and Jason looked at me. My appetite was gone. What the hell am I doing? I shouldn't be here.

Jason broke my inner conflict.

"Kyle has a date, huh?"

I quickly attempted to sound and act normal again.

"Yeah, a nice girl named Coraline." Bitch!

Jason smiled widely, "That's great! So, he's gonna stop playing the game."

Jason had obviously heard the stories around campus of how he was such the ladies man. No surprise, Kyle is very popular and even in larger cities, within circles - news travels fast. I was disgusted by it all. I was even more disgusted that I knew Jason heard every word, had been witness to my meltdown earlier, and the fact that he now most definitely knew the cause of my breakdown - yet, he's playing it cool. But what did I expect, condolences?

"Alrighty gent, and doll, your food has arrived." His eyes never leaving my face, yet again.

The server sat the two plates of food down in front of us, and as soon as he had removed his hand from Jason's plate, Jason unleashed the frustration he had towards him, or toward whatever ailed him. Jason grabbed the server's hand and rose partially out of his seat and crouched toward him with a stern look on his face, staring the server in his eyes. I could only imagine that his grip was extremely too firm.

"Listen to me...carefully. He's been through a lot today, and doesn't need your overbearing admiration, got it! Another word to him or another glance at him other than to ask if he needs anything, and GiGi will hear of this. Got it?"

"G-g-got it." Then he rushed away without another word.

"Wow, what was that?" I was somewhat irritated. "You could've hurt him."

"Sorry. His unsubtle awe irritated the hell out of me. I've seen him do this to others and all he wants is in your pants." Jason sounded furious.

"You could've made your point a little less aggressively. I appreciate you taking care of it, but I assure you that regardless of his advances, I wouldn't accept." I smiled, which seemed to calm Jason. His facial expressions transformed instantly back to his handsome norm. I decided to let my irritation go.

"Yeah, I guess I could have, but he got the point. Ah, this looks good," he said while rubbing his hands together.

I picked up a fry and nibbled at it. Jason dug into his burger after he cut it to check its doneness. I bit into my burger and it was delicious, a nice blend of seasonings, although I couldn't identify them.

"This burger is great!" I said.

"Told you so."

We continued to eat in silence for a few moments. I knew Jason was most likely wondering about Kyle and I, he had to have put the pieces together by now and he's too much of a gentleman to question it, so I broke the awkwardness.

"So, yeah...Kyle has a date. He needs me to help him pick out something impressive to wear. I'm also letting him borrow the car."

"That's nice of you," Jason said while not making eye contact.

"Yeah, some would probably say I'm a fool."

"No, he's your friend," Jason winked and then said, "Friends do that for one another, right?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"Speaking of Kyle, how long have you known him?"

"Since we were kids, and we've always been close."

"Close, huh?" Jason smirked.

"Yes, close. So, you can imagine how difficult this is for me, I mean, him dating and stuff."

"Clay, you don't have to tell me this, I know. I'll walk with you and help you through this. You'll be fine, and you'll see, maybe he'll change his mind someday, but you shouldn't wait for him, you're better than that."

His words were comforting. He's probably known all along. I felt guilty for attempting to hide it from him, and I felt guilty for inadvertently airing our secret, but I really didn't in a straightforward way.

"Jason, you have to keep this a secret, no one can know about Kyle, it would devastate him and our friendship. Besides, it's over." The phrase pained me and flooded me with emotions. My eyes stung and my ears burned. A tear trickled down my cheek, but I quickly repressed the emotions. Jason got up and walked to me and bent down at my side. I looked over at him.

"The secret is safe with me," he whispered. "I would never do anything to deliberately hurt you, and besides, it's none of anyone's business."

"Thank you, I just don't think I could face the day any of it was aired. I can't even imagine it. Kyle is so private, and he's probably pissed right now because I didn't rush back. I have to distance myself somehow in order to get past this initial shock to my core. My heart is broken, and I feel betrayed, although it's my own damn fault for allowing me to ignore the ending I knew was bound to occur. I am so stupid for allowing this to go on for so long." I cried, yet again, I was enveloped in Jason's arms and resting my face in the nape of his neck and he kicked the door closed. I could feel depression making its way through my body as I rapidly went numb. The crying stopped, and Jason lightly rubbed the back of my hair and neck.

I raised my head up and Jason wiped my face with a napkin. He is such a sweet person. It felt nice to know that I now have someone I can talk to about my darkest secret and double life, well...ex-double life I assumed. Kyle said that he would continue this with me, but I know it's wrong and I won't take part in destroying another person's relationship, even though I wanted it badly, and love him more than life itself.

"You'll get through this, Clay. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it's so dark now you can't see it. I will help you. I can go buy ice cream and we'll have pajama pity parties, eat too much, drink a beer, or whatever you fancy, and have an all-out male bashing, crying, fit-throwing party. Whenever and however much you need one, I'll be there."

I laughed. "Sounds like a great night, I'm in."

Jason patted my hand, opened the door, and went back to his seat. He finished his plate while I picked at mine. The bill was brought in by a slender, pretty, middle-aged woman with beautiful red hair. Her tag read GiGi.

"Jason, my favorite nephew, you are looking handsome as always." She bent down and kissed Jason on the cheek and then Jason stood and gave her a hug.

"Ah, my favorite auntie in the world! You look beautiful!"

"Thank you. So, I hear you nearly broke my server's hand?" She laughed. "He's been terminated. I've been looking for a reason to fire that creep for a while now." She turned her attention to me, "And who is this?"

"This is Clay, he's a friend of mine. Trying to cheer him up a bit, he's had a rough day."

"Oh dear, you're far too pretty to have such a long face, sweetie. Look for the sunshine dear, that's what I always say."

Her voice was silky smooth and comforting. I couldn't help but wonder if all of Jason's relatives were as nice as he is. If so, the world needs to tap into that gene pool.

"I will, ma'am, thank you. It's a pleasure to meet you," I rose and extended my hand.

She pushed past my hand and gave me a hug, "The pleasure's mine."

"Aunt GiGi, thanks for everything, the food was great. I'll take that," he reached for the ticket, luckily, I was closer.

I took the bill from GiGi and Jason shook his head no.

"I've got this Jason," I smirked.

"No, please, give it to me." He pressured.

"Okay kiddos, I'll settle this for you both," she said smiling. GiGi took the bill from my hand and ripped it up into several pieces and tossed them into Jason's cleared plate. Well, I guess she did settle it. Before Jason could detest, I took out my wallet and threw a ten dollar bill onto the table.

"I got the tip then." I looked at Jason, and his bright smile was gleaming and he shook his head.

"Alright then, I guess there's no need in arguing or Aunt GiGi will cover that too. You ready?" he asked me.

"That's right," GiGi said, "Take care honey, I love you." She hugged Jason and then turned to me, "You come back and see us anytime dear, be well." Then she gave me a hug and walked out of the room. Her build reminded me of my mother. I should call her.

"She's lovely," I said.

"Yeah, she's a good one. Let's go," then Jason once again extended his hand and escorted me down the stairs. As we extended the last portion of the steps, several eyes were on us. I began to fidget.

"Keep smiling," Jason mouthed through his teeth. I complied as I looked around the room. Some people were watching us smiling, and others were peering as if they were envious, but I didn't know why. I guessed they must be jealous of the eye candy escorting me down the stairs. The restaurant was full at the lower level, and I couldn't help but notice that it was mainly men. Gauging the stares, they were mainly gay men. I was thankful when we exited and were on the crowded streets toward the car. Jason never let go of my arm. As we approached the car, I saw a sign posted high on a banner that read Gay Equality Now/Speak Now.

"Jason, do you know what that is?" I pointed to the banner.

"Yeah, actually it's a human rights campaign that is advocating for equal gay rights, mainly marriage, but there are other issues of focus as well. My Aunt GiGi contributes to the campaign and attends rallies in the area. The headquarters is right over there."

Jason pointed to a brick building in the distance. "That's interesting. How do you become involved?"

"I'm not sure exactly. You probably can just go and sign up or something. I'll find out and let you know though." Jason smiled.

"Cool. I may get involved, even if it is just a monetary donation."

"Good, I'm sure they could use the help. There are rallies all over the place."

Jason unlocked my door and then once I was seated, he closed my door and walked around and hopped in the driver's seat. We drove back listening to Reba McEntire softly in the background. I love Reba, the musician, the author, the actress, the philanthropist, and the humanitarian. Old Man River played softly and I couldn't help but think the song's lyrics were written specifically for me and my current situation. I turned it off immediately.

"Thank you! Love her voice, but that was a bit depressing." Jason chuckled.

"My thoughts exactly."

"You okay?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

Jason reached over and put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it for a second in a comforting manner. A sensation raced through my body and straight to my groin. I hoped he hadn't noticed my quick adjustment, but a twisted smirk told me he did.

Chapter 11

Damn! We pulled into my parking space and Kyle stood against the side of the building, looking like a model posing for an ad in a magazine. He was too hot for his own good. He had one foot up against the building and his arms were crossed. He smiled when he saw the car come to a stop. I wondered what he was going to think or say when he sees Jason get out on the driver's side. There's no hiding it now, although there was nothing to hide, I had lunch with a friend.

"You want me to drive away?" Jason asked.

"Nope. It's not like I've done anything wrong."

Jason smiled, "Alright, remember, just breathe through it. One, two, and here we go."

We opened the doors at the same time and I got out. Kyle look confused by Jason, but he didn't seem mad or upset.

"Hey, hey Jason! You doing alright buddy?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah, just fine. How's the leg, you gonna be at practice this weekend?"

"It's good, man, and yeah, the doc released me."

"Great! See you then. Clay, here are your keys. Thanks for the lift." Jason winked and mouthed call me, and walked away.

"Hey Kyle. Let's go in it's hot as hell out here." We walked around the corner and entered my dorm and shut the door.

"So, Jason, huh?" Kyle smiled widely.

"No, we're friends, you know that." I knew it was coming.

"Relax peach, I'm just kidding."

Kyle walked up to me and kissed my forehead. I shivered.

"Are you really okay?" He looked deep into my eyes.

"I will be. This just sucks for me, Kyle. I am really jealous of her. She gets to have you in the ways I've never been able to - publicly." My heart ached and surprisingly, Jason's escorts crossed my mind.

"Clay..."

"Don't. I can't go through this again. I'm just telling you the truth. So, where are the clothes?"

I could tell he wasn't convinced. He was rubbing the back of his neck and then he walked to me and held me tight. We embraced for a long moment and then he grabbed both sides of my face and kissed my lips. I was screaming on the inside for him to stop, but I couldn't force myself to break away. I just wanted the nightmare of the situation to end and for everything to be as it had been a few days ago. I'll never understand Kyle's reservations. Kyle let go of my face and took a step back and smiled my smile. My smile would soon belong to someone else, even if it were only a night and didn't work out. Wishful thinking most likely, because she seems wonderful. I smiled back.

"Clothes?" I asked.

"Ah, right over here." He walked to the dresser where he had stacked his folded clothes.

He held up two shades of khakis. Both were atrocious. I couldn't dare let him wear either. I shook my head no and pointed at both pairs.

"What? This is what I brought though," he whined.

"They're both awful. You're going on a date, not the library." I walked to my closet where I had clothes stashed away that I had bought for him, but hadn't yet given to him. I grabbed a pair of black designer slacks and a silver button up shirt and black vest. "Wear this."

"They won't fit me, Clay."

"Yes, they will. I bought them for you."

"What? When?"

"A while back, and just hadn't given them to you yet. You'll look amazing in it."

"You know you shouldn't do that. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We were both smiling and picturing him in the duds instantly warmed me. He'll look incredible.

"These are sleek, peach." He was elated.

"I'm glad you like them, I knew you would."

"I'm gonna hop in the shower." He walked over and locked the door and then started stripping his shirt off before he entered the bathroom.

He left the door open and stripped down. The side view was magnificent. The man was blessed, not to mention the years he spent sculpting his perfect body. He started the water and hopped in the shower.

"Hey peach, come in here. Talk to me."

As much as I knew I shouldn't, I was too weak to refuse the show. I walked into the bathroom as Kyle was lathering his chest. I sat down on the commode, which is located directly across from the shower. The glass doors offered the perfect view. There was no talking. Kyle posed and deliberately gave me a show. Is he trying to play with my heart? Kyle made slow and erotic movements as he lathered his body. From his torso to his pubes and cock, he used his hand to lather. His cock perked up almost immediately. I could feel my temperature rising, as well as my cock.

My jeans were becoming too tight. Kyle turned and lathered his buttocks and then turned back around after stroking his cheeks a moment. When he turned around, he was hard and he grabbed his balls and squeezed. I slipped my jeans and underwear down and sat on the commode in only my shirt and socks. My cock stood straight up and I grabbed the lotion off the sink and lubed up. Kyle licked his lips.

I watched as Kyle began to lather his dick with soap and he started to slowly stroke his shaft. He had his mouth wide open and he moaned. I began to stroke harder and I pinched my nipple.

"Jack it peach, I want to see you cum."

Kyle rinsed his body and stepped out of the shower, continuing to jack his cock. He bent down in front of me and grabbed my balls and massaged them with one hand, his own cock in the other. He spit on his finger and then massaged my asshole and I put my feet on his shoulders to give him full access. He gently inserted his middle finger and pressed against my prostate. I shot my load instantly on my chest. Kyle licked it off my chest and then stood straight up and angled his cock to my face. With a grunt, he shot his load on my face and in my open mouth. He then put his cock in my mouth and I cleaned his head with my tongue. It was bittersweet. Kyle kissed me.

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear and then turned, and jumped back into the shower.

I joined him. We were silent as we washed each other's backs and showered together, kissing at each turn. I would miss this. I couldn't tell him in this moment that if he continued his relationship with Coraline, ours would change, given I could find the strength. Already, I'd failed.

After we dried off, Kyle put on a pair of boxers. Boxers with these pants, I thought. No, it would provide the perfect outline of his glorious package, and I wasn't ready for her to get it all.

"Kyle, don't wear those. With these pants, you'll want to wear briefs or something. Otherwise, you'll be flopping all over the place."

I walked over to the dresser and tossed him a pair of black bikini briefs. He slipped them on. Nope, he was too big for them, talk about a dick slip if ever one. He tossed them back to me and I slid them on myself. I threw him a pair of black briefs instead. He slid those on and adjusted his package, turned sideways for me to assess, and I gave two thumbs up. He barely fit into them. He then put on the silver button up shirt, pants, and then the vest. Damn, he looked good. I walked over and unbuttoned the top two buttons and adjusted his shirt and collar. He pecked me on the lips. How could he do this? How could he be perfectly okay with this situation? I really didn't understand it. It was making me crazy.

Kyle turned and looked into the floor length mirror. He smiled my smile and looked at me through the mirror. "I look good, Clay. You're amazing!"

Stop it Kyle. I wanted to scream, but there would be time for that over ice cream later. I could feel the tingling take over my body. I was becoming numb again, although I was hard pressed to keep smiling. Kyle didn't deserve to see me this way. Although I did want him to know what this was causing, it would only end in the this conversation, which I couldn't bear. Poker face donned. If his date went well and the relationship blossomed, I'd fold. I would fold, I reassured myself. The Leo in me would want to fight, but I have to stay strong, and hold my bottom line - he can't have his cake and eat it too. We're both better than that.

"You look so handsome, Kyle. She's going to be tripping all over you."

Kyle smiled, and then I walked over and gently redefined a couple of sprouts of his hair. He raised my hand and then kissed it.

"All thanks to you." The comment went straight to my stomach and I felt nauseous.

"You can tell her you're welcome from me." I hoped I didn't sound too sharp. "The keys are on the dresser, you can bring the car back tomorrow if you want, because I assume you'll be late." I forced a smile again, but wasn't looking directly at him, so I hoped it was more convincing to him than I sounded to myself.

"You sure you don't need the car later?"

"I'm sure, there's public transportation if I need anything."

"Well, okay then. Call me if you need anything and I'll be here."

He smiled, kissed my cheek, and walked out the door and locked it behind him. He didn't turn back this time. My knees hit the floor and my face was in the palm of my hands. I couldn't help but wonder if I had sealed the deal for her.

I lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling. The reality of the situation was overwhelming me. I tried not to let it, but jealously overcame me and I wondered what the hell they were going to talk about, what they would eat, would they have fun, would they fall head over heels, would they kiss goodnight, would they have sex, would they go dancing after dinner? The questions kept flooding my mind. As hard as I tried to suppress them, the more they kept flowing.

I was suddenly nauseous and quickly crawled into the bathroom and rested my head between my hands on the commode. Attempting to redirect my bodily functions failed as my lunch resurfaced. After grabbing the handle and flushing, I rose and grabbed the sink for leverage. My energy had depleted and my legs were shaky. I wet a washcloth and held it to my face, which seemed to help alleviate some of the heat from my face. I rinsed my mouth with mouthwash and then brushed my teeth, and held on to the sink to brace myself.

I had barely made it to the bed and there was a light peck at my door. I thought perhaps it was Kyle, and that he had changed his mind. I cracked the door and peeked. It was Jason, one hand propped on the door frame and the other up as if he were about to knock again. I opened the door and went back to the bed and threw myself half on it onto my back. Jason closed and locked the door and walked to the bed and sat beside me.

"You showered. So, you survived letting him walk out. How are you feeling?"

"So fucking confused...I'm devastated...pissed...broken...hateful..."

I hadn't realized it consciously, but I had stood and was pacing the floor in front of Jason. Also unconsciously, I hadn't gotten dressed and was pacing the floor in front of him in nothing but the pair of black bikini briefs that left nothing to the imagination. It didn't even occur to me until I noticed Jason's eyes kept creeping to my ass, and then I followed his eyes and looked down at myself.

"Oh my God! I'm so embarrassed. Sorry." I ran to the closet and grabbed my white terrycloth robe and wrapped it around me and tied it. I couldn't force myself to look at him. He didn't seem embarrassed even though he knew I knew he was checking me out.

"No, I'm sorry. I should have grabbed a towel and wrapped it around you, instead of letting you walk around like that." He looked ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't thinking. Kinda normal in the dorm showers, you kind of just shut it out. I wasn't thinking of how you might feel."

"It's okay Jason. I just got out of the shower and brushed my teeth. Kyle has a date with Coraline, and I had an intimate encounter with the commode."

"The food didn't make you sick did it?" He stood up and grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes.

"No, it didn't. Aunt GiGi's burger was fantastic. I'll certainly go back. I collapsed. This is going to be so hard, Jason. I've never loved anyone like I love him." The tears were forming.

"In front of him?"

"No, he shut the door after I dressed him up like a GQ model and I hit the floor. I probably just increased the likelihood that she will fall for him hard. He looked amazing."

"Yeah, I saw him, but you're better looking than he is."

"Ha! Hardly, Jason. Thanks for attempting to boost me up, but I differ in your opinion." Tears were falling silently.

For the umpteenth time, Jason embraced me. This was becoming a regular theme, and I felt like a pathetic idiot. Jason, too, had showered. I could smell the mix of body wash and fresh cologne, which was tantalizing. Jason was already wearing his pajama bottoms and wife beater, Green Lantern, go figure - the chosen one. Jason's hard body had become more apparent to me in the past few days, and my awareness of him and his body were slowly transforming into something that I couldn't depict.

"Let it out, Clay," he whispered.

Strangely, the tears weren't falling as they had been. The numbness had returned, but I felt increasingly weak and needed to lie down.

"You're trembling," Jason observed. Without another word, he lifted me up in his arms as if I only weighed ten pounds and he laid me gently onto the bed. "Do you need something else to eat?" Then he lay beside me.

"I don't think I can hold anything down right now. Thanks though. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine. Are you sleepy?" he asked.

"I don't know. I don't know what I am right now. I feel frozen."

"You need a blanket?"

"No, I mean I feel numb inside, but I wish my body were. I'm aching all over."

"Do you want to take something, Ibuprofen?"

"No. I'll be fine."

"Where do you hurt?" he asked and turned onto his side and propped his head with his hand and looked at me.

"My legs mostly. It's strange, I haven't done anything out of the ordinary." That was lie. Shit!

"Promise me you won't detest." He was serious.

"Detest what?" I was confused.

Jason got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. I watched him walk in. I hadn't noticed this angle of him before, he has a nice ass, I thought, round and firm. Stop it Clay! Jason returned a minute later holding a bottle of my favorite lotion. My heart skipped a beat. What is he doing? I was not prepared for what happened next.

I watched as Jason hopped back into the bed and then turned on the television with the remote. "Ah, so you're the owner of the single DirecTV dish out there. Lovely."

Jason tuned in to a radio station that was soft rock, and then kneeled beside me. "May I?" Jason asked.

I didn't know what he was referring to until he realized I was confused and pointed toward the robe's belt. I couldn't speak. All I could do was nod. Jason smiled his million dollar smile and then grabbed the loose end of the tie and pulled it slowly. I looked at his face as he threw both ends to my sides and pulled the right side of my robe off my body, and the brushed the left side over. Surprisingly, he ran his hand under my lower back and applied pressure, prompting me to lift my buttocks in the air. I complied. I raised my midsection upward and he slid the robe up and bunched it up to my lower back. I knew my package was inches from his face because I could feel his hot breath. I was speechless. His eyes never left mine and then he put his hand on my abs and pressed me back down on the bed. Even more surprising, he draped the long ends of the robe over my package to conceal it.

I still couldn't speak. What the hell kind of day was this? Am I in gay hell, surrounded by men that I could never have the way I wanted? I watched as he pumped lotion onto his hand, and he looked at me, gauging my every response. He then held his cupped palms open to his mouth and blew hot air into his hands to heat the lotion. How thoughtful.

Jason then spread my legs further apart and positioned himself on his knees between my legs. Oh God! In a firm and gentle motion, he rubbed my left thigh and began to massage every muscle. Then he moved to my lower leg until he couldn't reach any further in his current position. "You flexible?" he asked with a wicked grin. Okay, he's clearly in to me; however, I hadn't ruled out psycho.

"Yeah, I'm pretty limber." He grinned wider.

He lifted my leg and extended it to rest on his shoulder. After another quick pump of lotion and his heating method, my left leg was silky smooth, and his hands were all over it. There was no denying that it felt marvelous, and I was glad my swelling package was covered. Jason was clearly into giving me the massage. When he reached my upper thigh again, his motions were slow as he reached my underwear line. He massaged just to the line without attempting to cop a feel or run his hands under the leg band. He did brush against my balls as he massaged the back of my thigh and I shivered. He apologized immediately. He lowered my leg, and like a programmed machine, conducted the same ritual on my right leg. I felt relaxed. The pain was diminishing also.

When he was done with my right leg, both my legs were rested beside his bent knees. He grabbed my legs underneath the bend of my leg and he raised my legs. I was in a missionary position. Given that I knew he wouldn't try anything, I didn't mind the position, it was actually arousing. I'd never felt this way in the presence of any man other than Kyle. I couldn't let Jason know that I was aroused though, so I ensured I was still completely covered. Jason then used both hands, one on each thigh and massaged my inner muscles near my groin. Jason's hands made their way to my underwear line simultaneously on both sides. His fingers traced and applied pressure at the muscles under my balls. I squirmed and gasped, he didn't stop.

My mouth was open and Jason clearly loved the fact that he was providing this simple pleasure. Jason continued up and down my thighs, but continued to make his way extremely close to my package. Unbeknownst to me, in the midst of squirming and his hand movements, the lower half of my package was uncovered by the robe. I didn't mind because I had my underwear on and my throbbing shaft was covered, both by the robe and my underwear. With a final sweeping rub down to my feet, Jason stopped and smiled at me.

"How do you feel now?" He smirked.

"Better than okay..."

"Ah ha! Great!"

He smiled more than anyone I'd ever met. In the past few days, my personality must make him think that I am dejected.

"You should make millions doing that!" I bolstered. "Ahh! That was simply amazing. My legs feel so much better."

"Given your change in mood, I would say that overall, you feel better." The wicked grin again. Geez, I wished he wasn't so adorable.

He rose up and stood by the bed. The generous package that was bulging from his pajamas earlier, was obviously feeling even more generous, it had probably doubled in size. I knew I shouldn't be noticing these things. He stretched and protruded his package further. Damn!

I got up and went to the bathroom as he threw himself back down and started flipping through the guide on the television. I tied the robe and looked up in the mirror. I looked like homemade dog shit. I knew there was no use in any facial regimen, it would take time and rest to heal this damage. Giving up, I waiting a few moments to return to a flaccid state and walked back to the bed. Jason had found a predictable scary movie I've seen a thousand times and was kicked back watching it, looking very comfortable - like he belonged there. The thought confused me, and I wished I could turn off my inner conflict. I was convinced while watching him lie there that he had a reason for being here, and it was because he wanted to be.

I stood by the bed and dropped my robe. I only sleep in my underwear. I couldn't stand to wear anything else. Jason looked over and pulled the covers back for me and I jumped in bed and covered up. I was lying on my back watching the movie with him when he stood up at the side of the bed and removed his wife-beater. I wasn't surprised given that he had pressed my body to his several times in the past week that he was solid and defined like an Abercrombie & Fitch model, just as I had presumed.

"Do you mind?" he asked while gesturing to his pajama bottoms.

I was reluctant to answer, because I didn't know how I felt about it, or how Kyle would react if he did show up. Then I decided that in all honesty, maybe if Kyle did see this, it would be easier for us both to move past this barrier in our lives, especially if he wasn't willing to commit to it, to me.

"Not at all," I answered, and I watched him turn his back to me and drop the pajamas from his body. He was wearing briefs, and in my favorite color, orange. My earlier observation was confirmed, his ass is perfect. He turned and covered his package with his hand and jumped into bed and covered up.

"Ah, shit! I didn't turn off the lights," he said.

He started to get up and I grabbed his arm and he looked over at me. "No worries, allow me." I grabbed the remote from my nightstand and turned off the lights.

"Oh, that's cool."

"Yeah, my mom insisted since they wouldn't allow her to build my own dorm, so she secretly hired contractors."

"Huh, yeah I noticed your dorm is much more, let me see...eloquent that all the others. I just assumed it was all the matching furniture."

"She refused to allow it to stay the same. The only thing I wanted changed was the closet. She insisted upon a total renovation to maximize space and convenience. She's a bit over-the-top." I chuckled.

"Nothing wrong with that," Jason replied.

We laid in silence on our backs and my body became fully relaxed. My eyes became heavy as the blonde on the television ran through the woods and straight into an abandoned house. I was in a state of near sleep with my eyes closed for a few moments when I felt it. Jason rose up on his elbow and kissed my forehead gently, and then lay back down and turned off the television. I smiled inwardly, although I was still very confused, psycho was becoming less and less evident, but I was too emotionally drained and exhausted to dwell any further.

Chapter 12

The sun beamed onto the wall in a single ray as my eyes attempted to focus on the clock. It was 6:30 a.m. I was still lying on my back but I became alert that I wasn't in the same position as I had been. During the night, we had become at ease with one another in a different way. My leg was thrown over Jason's and his leg was spread underneath mine. My thigh was resting beside his package, buttocks partially on his thigh, and his knee was under my package. My neck was braced on Jason's bicep and his hand was draped over my shoulder resting on my chest. I slowly turned my head to face him. His eyes and mouth were closed, and I could tell he was still asleep, his breathing hadn't changed at all, and his body had not twitched. He is an attractive sleeper, imagine that. I probably look like one of those people in a commercial for anti-snore products. I don't think I am an attractive sleeper, considering I have ghastly bed head, even when there are no products in it.

Subconsciously, a part of me cared about how he would perceive my look straight out of bed. I gently moved his arm from my chest and laid it to my side. Good thus far. Then I gently raised my leg off his and swung it over while simultaneously rising up on my side, pulling the cover off of me, and I lowered my feet on the floor until I was in a sitting position on the side of the bed. Still good. When I stood up, I turned around to examine the damage. Grace pays off! I tip-toed to the bathroom and partially closed the door and walked to the sink.

The mirror was not my friend this morning. The emotional rollercoaster of the day before had taken its toll. There were discolored bags under my eyes and they were slightly puffy. My color seemed off, although it could be because I just woke up. A hot shower was in order and I did just that. The water was running off my hair onto my back and I turned on the multiple heads, allowing my body to be lightly massaged by the streams of water. I held my face under the water for a long moment, and it felt splendid. After my ritualistic shower, I stepped out and dried my body quickly and wrapped the towel around my waist. I wiped the condensation from the mirror and then reassessed the bags. They looked better.

I peered through the cracked door and Jason was still in bed, and appeared to be in the same position. I snuck out the door and grabbed my robe from the side of the bed and quickly tip-toed back to the bathroom, dropped the towel and put the robe on. I tended to my normal routine of facial lotion, hair products and tussling. I walked back out of the bathroom and slowly opened my drawer, applying slight pressure upward to avoid the annoying squeak, and slid the pair of underwear up beneath my robe.

"Clay? Clay?" Jason sounded panicked.

I was startled at the sudden calling of my name. I turned and Jason was grabbing at my once occupied side of the bed.

"Jason, I'm here," I said while walking back to the bed.

"Oh, God! I woke up and you weren't here, it freaked me out a bit." Jason rubbed his face with both hands as he rose up. "I had a horrible dream..."

"Oh. Want to tell me about it?"

"Ah, I don't even remember...what time is it?" Jason yawned.

"6:55," I answered.

"Well...look at you looking like a rock star this early in the AM." Jason smiled.

"I showered," I admitted.

"Ahh, you're a cheater. Well here I am in all my morning glory." He held his hands up and threw his head back, as if he'd just won an Olympic medal. Adorable.

"Not all of us can be as naturally ..." I stopped myself from finishing the embarrassing slip. I turned my head in embarrassment. What are you saying, Clay!

Jason suddenly looked panicked and looked at the dresser. "Has he been here?" He looked anxious.

"No, he's probably still in bed. Who knows what time they got in." They didn't roll of my tongue well, and suddenly I felt like I was being crushed by the heavy realization again.

"I should go. I don't want my presence to cause an issue when he gets here. Are you okay?" He asked as he threw the covers over and stood up, and then he immediately put his hand over his crotch and turned around. "Sorry, it's morning."

The act was so quick I didn't even notice the sight he was hiding. "I'm not looking," and I turned my head sideways, but sneaked a peek, gorgeous, then shut my eyes. After about 30 seconds, I heard hurried footsteps towards me.

"You sure you're alright?"

"No, but I will be. I don't care if he sees you here or not. You're a friend."

"I do care, because I don't want him to think less of you. If he sees me here, he'll think that I'm gay and we're fucking - he thinks like a guy. I wouldn't ruin that for you, especially if there's a chance for you two." His words astounded me. His inner beauty was bewildering to me. Although I didn't know what his intentions were with me, I found his dignity refreshing.

"Okay, then. I don't know when he'll be here, though. I'd offer you breakfast, but I don't even know what you like, or even if you eat breakfast when you get up. I don't even know how you like your coffee."

He quickly responded, "Cinnamon Toast Crunch, two percent milk, about an hour after I get up given there's time, and two each of cream and sugar." He looked me in the eyes and grabbed my hips and pulled me in for a quick hug. When he got to the door, he turned back around, "See ya." He smiled widely, turned the knob to the lock position, and the door closed behind him.

That quick, he was gone, leaving me a bit whiplashed. A part of me didn't want him to leave, but I couldn't understand or trust my emotions at this point. They were obviously influenced by the impending feelings of loneliness that was destined to follow Kyle's flight, in conjunction with recent unforeseen events.

I sat back down on the bed and realized it was a mess, and obviously slept in by two, and from the looks of it, more than that. I made the bed and arranged the dozen throw pillows in a particular and ritualistic pattern. Continuing with minute tasks, I dressed in designer jeans that fit me well and a black button up shirt. Checked my hair. Checked the mail. Contemplated sweeping and mopping the floor, decided I'd call the cleaning service when I raised the blind and there was dust on the windowsill. I was not amused. I really didn't want to be around a total stranger right now though, and didn't know when I would want to be, so I decided against the cleaning service.

I checked the screen on my phone, 9:00 p.m. I had one message that I had missed. Then I heard the key in the door. Startled, I put my phone face down on my nightstand and turned to face the door. Kyle poked his head in and peeked around. When he saw me he entered and smiled at me and tossed the keys on the dresser.

"Clay! Good morning, I wasn't sure you'd be up yet, I wanted to be quiet." He shut the door. So, it's Clay today? Sign one. Breathe, Clay!

"Yeah, I've been up for a bit. So, how did it go?" Please, no details.

"Well. It was interesting. It was fun. You don't want to hear this."

I didn't' realized it, but I had sat down on the side of the bed. "No, its okay, I'm okay. I have to know, Kyle."

"Okay then, Coraline and I are going out again tomorrow. Is that what you want to hear?"

NO! My world was crumbling before me. Although I had tried to act positive about all of this, about the strength I would have, the willingness to accept his decision, and deny his advances, the inevitable truth bitch-slapped me in the face. Breathe!

"So, the GQ look worked." That's all I could muster.

"She thought you did well, but more importantly, I appreciate it." He told her I bought them?

"Thanks for letting me borrow the car." He looked at me up and down, "You look nice, you have plans?"

"You're welcome, thanks and no, I don't have plans." Guilt was hitting me like a rock looking into his emerald eyes, although I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. He sat beside me on the bed and put his arm around me and pulled me in, so I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You know, we spent a lot of the night talking about you. She really wants us to go out together." I was baffled.

"Me?"

"Yeah. It started with the car, where you come from, your major, you know, stuff like that."

"Oh, that talk?" I was irritated.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"What, like I haven't had to have that conversation with everyone who is curious about my money? Where it comes from?"

"It wasn't like that, Clay," he cut me off. "I don't think she was trying to pry, she just knows we're close."

"What did you tell her then, Kyle, it's none of her business? Or did you oblige?"

"I told her the truth. What the hell? What do you care?"

"Because my life is my business. I really don't want people to know, Kyle, you know that!" I said more harshly than necessary.

"Calm down, I didn't tell her anything, other than you come from money. Hell, it's not like you got it illegally, shit!" He was clearly irritated and stood up from the bed.

"I'm sorry. Just don't tell her anything else about me." I walked to the bathroom and slammed the door. Damn! The constant bickering and worrying over nothing is getting old. Then the expected knock on the door. "Yeah, just come in," I muttered.

"I'm sorry. I know you have reservations about the money, and I'm sorry. I just didn't want to lie." He sounded so sincere it was painful. I wanted to be angry.

"Forgiven, Kyle. Just don't talk to her about me. I don't like her much," I paused, "But, I guess it's for all the wrong reasons."

I cupped my face in my hands. My head was pounding. It felt like I'd been hit by a sledge hammer.

"I told you things weren't going to change between us. Didn't you believe me?" he asked nonchalantly. I couldn't believe his candor.

"How can they not? You're going to continue to develop your relationship with her, and then run to me when the right mood strikes you?" I was disgusted.

"Where's this coming from? I thought we were gonna stay cool about this?"

"I want it all." I was firm in my assertion.

"God damn! Why the hell are you going there?" He was irritated and I didn't give a damn. His frank assumptions were pissing me off.

"You don't get it!" I nearly shouted. "I am GAY! I want you and I consider you my boyfriend, my significant other, my lov-errrr!"

"Alright, I'm not listening to this. We're best friends! Why, Clay, why do you insist upon us living happily ever after, like some fucking fairytale?"

He walked out of the bedroom and kicked a pair of shoes I had lying beside the bed, which pissed me off worse. "Yes we fucking are! But how do you expect me to feel. How in the fuck do you expect me to do this? You come on to me, I fall even deeper in love with you, and then you tell me, OH THIS IS JUST SEX?" I could barely raise my voice through the cracking in my voice.

"I don't know, Clay. I just thought we would be okay with whatever comes our way. I thought I'd told you enough that I can't live that life. I thought I'd told you that enough!"

A tear streamed down his face and my heart dropped down to my feet. I'd done it again. I made him feel guilty. But didn't he deserve it? I wasn't sure anymore. His eyes were pouring, like emeralds exuding diamonds. I dropped to my knees weeping at the sight. Why did I go there? Jason's words crossed my mind, be strong. I pushed my hands forward to brace myself and stood up.

"It's hard for me. I'm the one who is emotionally wrapped up into two worlds, you and me as kids and friends, and me and you in the pool house forward. Me and you the past several years? You making love to me? Don't' you see it? Don't' you understand where I'm coming from?" I was pleading.

"I do, Clay, I do. But, I've tried to tell you all along that I have other urges and dreams. You didn't hear any of them, did you?"

I thought for a moment, "No, I guess I refused to internalize it."

I was done. I couldn't believe it, but he was right. He had told me all along that my dream would not come to fruition, that he would have his Stepford life. I walked over and put my hand on his shoulder and knelt between his legs and forced him to look at me.

"I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm selfish, and don't know what to do."

"I know, Peach, I'm the one who is sorry, I don't want you to hurt. I hate myself for this."

Guilt washed over me. I laid my head in his lap and he stroked my hair.

"Don't beat yourself up," I whispered. "You can't control my feelings, and I wish I could. You don't deserve to have me hold you back."

Learning to let go of him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Kyle looked at me intently for a moment. "You're not holding me back," he whispered and shook his head.

"So, when do we go out? I'd like to get to know her better." I smiled the best I could.

"Whenever you want to, but you really don't have to. I don't want to put you through that."

"She wants me to, so I'll go. I'll behave, promise. Besides, I need to make sure that she is capable of taking care of you. It wouldn't be normal for me to stay away, we're best friends, remember?"

"Yeah, I guess that would look suspicious."

"Let me know when and where."

Kyle smiled and it was a wonderful sight to see. "You amaze me. You can do anything."

"Yes, I can," I giggled.

"Guess I better get going. Care to give me a lift?"

"Of course."

The drive was normal, and as if nothing had just occurred behind closed doors. This was a good sign. Perhaps we'll be okay. I was terrified this would ruin us, but now I was thinking that once I got past the loss, I'd be okay too. I'm strong enough to do this. I could do it alone. After we said our goodbyes and a simple peck on my cheek, I drove back to my dorm, flooded with mixed emotions. On the way back, Jason crossed my mind. That was happening a lot lately. I reminded myself that I was attempting to get out of this straight situation, and I would not allow myself to do it again, although I wasn't sure what Jason is. Is he bi? Is he gay? Is he straight? Or psycho? I wondered what Kyle would think if Jason went out with us, when and if that actually occurs. I did know that I was looking forward to another pajama party with Jason, and I couldn't decide if that made me a bad person or not, for needing a diversion.

I pulled in my parking spot and locked it up. As I rounded the corner, I heard an irritating voice in the distance, it was Leo. Shit! I was clearly not in the mood for his brand of dumbass today. I contemplated turning around and leaving, but ducked inside the janitor's closet and eased the door closed. I waited until the footsteps neared, then faded in the distance again. I barely cracked the door and then peered out. The coast was clear, so I sprinted to my door and slipped in.

The dusty windowsill irked me. I decided I could deal with the cleaning service for an hour or so. After scheduling, I made another call I'd postponed long enough.

Chapter 13

"Hi Momma!" I said when her dainty voice answered. After initial exchanges of sentiments of missing one another, how everyone was doing, and catching up on local gossip, I delved into my current progress in studies and life on campus. She could tell that there was something wrong.

"Clayton, what is wrong, honey?"

"Nothing, Momma, I'm fine." I lied.

"No, there's something wrong. Your voice is strained." She sounded sincerely concerned, and I knew she wouldn't let it go, I had to tell her something.

"I...I'm...Kyle's dating, Momma. I'm just having a hard time with it." My mother knows of my admiration for Kyle, but she has no idea the extent or that intimacy was involved although I know she's more intuitive than I give her credit for.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. There has to be someone around that campus that is good enough for you, dear. Open your eyes. Stop waiting for a resolution that may never come."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. She was right; I knew that, it was just further confirmation that I had to do what was best for me, for us. I knew I had to stop waiting for him to make a decision when there was no question for him to answer. Kyle had made that clear, too. I realized that I couldn't be mad at him, he had told me of his life plans all along. Although Coraline may not be his one and only, this beginning of normalcy for him marks an end of what had become normalcy for me.

"Clay?"

"I'm here Momma, it's just hard."

"I know baby, but you'll be fine. This is your chance to find happiness in something tangible. Focus on your studies, and be there for him. You two are too close for you to allow this to come between you."

"I know. I won't let that happen. I'll be the Godfather of his children and make sure he never struggles."

"Wow, it's just dating, it's not like he's going out and getting married." She was right, I sounded like this was absolutely an end-all.

"Even so, I have to prepare for that, I may as well start fretting." I laid down on the chase.

"Stop it. Just focus on yourself. When are coming home?"

"In a few weeks. I'll come home for fall break."

"Yay, I can't wait to see you! I have missed you so much. Let me know your flight itinerary and I'll make sure I'm there to get you myself. Fly Kyle home if he wants to come also." It was more of an order than a statement.

"I will. I love you, Momma. I'll talk to you soon."

"I love you too. Let me know if Kyle is coming so I can let the Turners know. Talk to you soon. Daddy says hello and he loves you"

"Put it on speakerphone." I heard static, "Hi Daddy, I love you too! I miss you."

"I miss you too, champ. Come home soon."

"I will, Daddy. See you soon."

After dad said his goodbyes, the line was silent. I laid the phone on the end table just in time for the knock on my door. As the cleaning crew of two older ladies bustled about for an hour, which made me feel horrible, the dorm was sparkling clean. The ladies had wistfully moved about and left no corner undusted and polished. I wrote a check to the company and slipped each lady a twenty dollar bill, which eased my guilt slightly. I looked around the dorm...approval was noted. The room smelled fresh, like a field of lavenders.

I grabbed my laptop and then kicked back in the chase. In the search engine, I typed Speak Now and clicked search. Immediately, a website appeared as the first search query option leading to a human rights organization. I followed the link and began to read the history of the gay rights movement. I was engrossed. Although I thought I knew to some extent what some people had endured to raise awareness, I had no idea so many people had sacrificed it all in pursuit of being treated normally. There were testimonials that were heart wrenching, and painful to read. I grabbed paper and a pen and started jotting down current laws, lack thereof, and future goals of the organization. It appeared that the major focus was gay marriage and the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Not only did people give testimony that they wanted the same right of marriage equality than straight couples to proclaim their love, they wanted the benefits of tax breaks, lover's pensions in death, and insurance benefits, among many others. I'd never given thoughts to any of those things, and didn't realize these were issues people faced. I suddenly felt sheltered, and had to know more.

Before I had realized it, several hours had passed and it was dinnertime. My stomach was growling. I immediately craved one of GiGi's burgers. Jason crossed my mind. I just didn't want to get out, so I dismissed the craving. I really wanted pizza and wings, with lots of ranch dressing. I dialed and ordered, then became frustrated when I learned that I would have to wait approximately an hour for delivery.

I wondered what Kyle was doing. I wanted to call him, but I couldn't force myself to chance another meltdown today, although we appeared okay upon parting earlier. I had to learn new boundaries and the meaning of distancing. Easier said than done, I picked up the phone and held my finger over the one key, his key. Then my fingers went through the contacts and I pressed Jason McClain.

The phone rang a half ring and Jason's masculine voice was on the line, "On my way..." The phone went silent. He was too eager to be straight. I had to know what he considered himself, but I didn't want to lead him on in any way by sparking that conversation in case he is into me that way. I was too afflicted to allow him to get hurt in the crossfire of my own challenging emotions.

I was excited to share with him what my research about the organization had revealed. I got up and unlocked the door and sat down on the chase and closed my laptop and stacked my notes on top of it. Jason pecked on the door and I called out for him to come in. He came in wearing a pair of jeans that should've been illegal for him to own, complimented by an orange polo that outlined his hard chest. Oh my!

"You look like you're doing really well, how are you feeling?"

"Fine." My accent prevailed, I heard the twang myself.

Jason grinned and mocked me, then walked up and hugged me, "Just kidding."

"I ordered pizza and wings. Have you eaten?"

"Nope, not yet, sounds wonderful. Are you inviting me to dinner, Mr. DeVero?"

"It's pizza, Mr. McClain."

"Well, it's still dinner." He smiled, and then reluctantly asked, "How did it go with Kyle?"

"Good. I think we'll be okay. They're going out again, and get this...she wants me to go out with them," I said wryly.

"And your response?"

"I said yes." He looked as surprised as Kyle did when I gave in.

"You sure you can...I mean...what if you become...upset? You may blow the secret out of the water."

I could tell he really didn't want to state the obvious, and I appreciated it, but I knew that I would have to get beyond that stage before I could truly be well. "It will be my chance to become desensitized to the facts and actually face them head on, without dwelling on false hopes."

"You're right, you should do it. You shouldn't do it alone though. You need someone there for support and encouragement." He walked to the bed and plopped down on his side and propped his head up with a pillow.

"Yeah, I think you're right."

I couldn't dare ask him to go, it would be wrong on many levels. To Kyle, it would probably be a smack in the face if he thought I did it to make him jealous, even though Jason and I are just friends. I didn't want Jason to think that I was using him in any way, especially not for the same purpose Kyle would most likely think. Jason had been too kind to me for me to inadvertently hurt him.

I looked at Jason, who was clearly waiting for an elaboration to my response. I couldn't. Then there was a knock on the door, a delicious distraction. I sat the boxes on the kitchenette bar and grabbed two plates.

"Ahh, that smells great! I'll be right back..." Before I could turn and ask where he was headed, the door shut behind him. I walked to the bathroom puzzled and washed my hands. By the time I went back to boxes of pizza, Jason was coming back in with a twelve pack of beer. "I'm back," he said and then held up the beer, smiling broadly.

I didn't know how to feel about it, but I opened the fridge and moved the mineral water aside to make room. Jason opened two and handed me one. "Thanks. Perfect combination."

"Yep! Let's grub." He raised his eyebrows and half smiled then sat down Indian-style on the side of the bed he had occupied the night before.

I sat beside him, although I was really apprehensive because of my duvet, and fear of staining it. My dorm didn't have room for a dinner table, and the kitchenette wasn't comfortable enough for two.

Jason flipped through the channels with one hand and devoured a slice of pizza with the other. I didn't taste mine either. I was hungrier than I had initially thought. I realized I hadn't grabbed napkins, so I jumped up and grabbed the paper towel roll off the holder and tossed it between us. Jason had found yet another horror flick. This one had a brunette running from a man wielding a knife.

"I have never understood the concept. The female always runs at top speed, the psychopath walks, and yet he always catches them," I said.

"It's entertaining." His inhibitions, if he had any, were clearly gone because his words were barely ascertainable through the full mouth he was speaking through, but not in a gross way. Gosh, could he be ugly? I was beginning to wonder.

We continued to eat too much. As I was wiping the last of the wing sauce off my mouth, Kyle laid back on the bed, "Ah, I ate too much, Clay. Why'd you let that happen?"

Then he reached down and unbuttoned his pants. A surge of electricity ran through me. I got up and washed my hands quickly, and ignored the want that had rushed through me. Then I grabbed the pizza box off the bed and then Jason got up and helped me clean up the mess, then he too washed his hands, and grabbed two more beers.

"Look at this." He demanded I watch him. He opened the screw top with the bend of his arm. Obviously impressed with himself, he smiled and nodded his head slowly while handing me the arm-opened beer. I knew I had to acknowledge his macho-ism.

"Ewe, that was impressive," I bolstered and grabbed his bicep and squeezed.

He flexed harder and made his muscles jump. His arms are bigger than Kyle's. Don't compare, Clay, shit! I walked to the chase and sat up with one leg up and the other on the floor. Jason walked over and sat on the center of the chase, which was between my legs. Another surge.

"Thanks for dinner," Jason said and tipped his beer back.

"You're welcome. Thank you, really. I know you probably have broken plans to be at my side, but really, I'm going to be fine. I don't want you to feel obligated to be here." My own words made me nervous, because I didn't want him to run out the door. I really enjoyed his company, even if it were sometimes confusing and difficult for me to process the emotions and thoughts that had been crossing my mind. I tipped back my beer. I never drink beer, and I was beginning to feel a head change and calmness.

Jason stood up and tossed the beer bottle in the trash and grabbed another. I hoped he wasn't drinking to tolerate being here. He also brought me another. "I'm here because I want to be, and my plans included you. I am really glad you're doing so well today, can I see your million-dollar smile?"

I smiled my best smile. A flash of his secret kiss crossed my mind. I finished my beer, and raised my leg up and over his head and onto the floor to stand up.

"You are limber," he said in his joking manner.

"Told ya." I walked toward the dresser and grabbed a pajama set, black silk. "I'm gonna slip these on, the jeans have become a bit tight."

I went to the bathroom and instinctively walked to the mirror and checked my face and hair, slipped out of my clothes, adjusted the boys, dressed, and headed back to the chase. Jason had assumed the spot on the chase I had been and was sprawled in the same position I had been in, but he was only dressed in his t-shirt and boxers. His clothes lay folded on the floor next to the chase. My heart raced at the site. His gorgeousness made my defenses weak and my underwear tighter. I assumed the position he had been in.

"Lay back," he whispered and handed me the beer he had already opened for me.

I was reluctant. I could tell by his position what he meant, and that to lie back would mean that I would be lying on him in an upright position, like he was my chase. He could tell I was reluctant and he gently nudged my shoulder toward him, and I gave in. My back was against his chest, my legs outright between his and my head rested on his shoulder, and our faces were side by side, although mine was a bit lower than his. He held his beer in his right hand and his left immediately went around my waist and rested on my abs, and then he placed his left leg over mine. It was clear to me that the position I discovered we were in this morning was probably no accident.

It only took a short moment for my anxiety to be relieved. His thumb caressed my abs and his breath warmed my neck. His touched burned my skin, but surprisingly, I wasn't aroused, it was comforting.

"Your trembling stopped," he observed. Of course he'd noticed my body was on his. "Do I make you nervous?" he asked sincerely.

"No, you don't make me nervous – in a bad way." I focused on the television.

"Good," he whispered in my ear. His mouth was close and his warmth made me shiver inside. Or maybe my body shivered, but I didn't care.

As we lay watching the movie, I became increasingly aware of the body that I was pressed against. His body was solid, yet comfortable. He was warm. His package was soft and bulky, which I wasn't a stranger to since the day he was my nurse in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if it was the beers, or perhaps my reservations dissipating, but he felt...right. I moved slightly to readjust my position and he adjusted accordingly and in doing so, he thrust his hip forward in a gentle motion, and his package pressed against my lower back and it felt massive. My thoughts drifted toward what it would be like to have sex with him. I'd only ever had sex with Kyle, and couldn't imagine what it would be like, how different it would be, what Jason looked like nude, how he kisses, how passionate he would be. Would he be gentle? Rough? Would he talk dirty? I was really not a fan of talking dirty, although I'd engaged in it, I preferred passionate love making.

We continued watching the movie and making crude comments and yelled at the screen every once in a while when the ever-predictable plot unfolded. Jason decided we both needed a beer, and I got up to go get them, but Jason stopped me mid-step, and swept me off my feet into his arms and he carried me to the bed and laid me down. As he grabbed the pillow from under the down comforter and adjusted it under my head, his chest was near my face and his scent captivated me. He was wearing my favorite cologne, Chanel, and mixed with his bodily chemistry was the perfect aphrodisiac. I wondered how in the hell anyone could stay off of him.

"There you are, more comfortable?"

His voice was comforting. I wanted to tell him the truth that I was completely comfortable the way we were, but opted for the other truth. "Yes, thank you." He stared in my eyes for a moment, and I got lost in his sapphires. They were a magnificent blue, deeper than the normal sky blue. I saw something I'd ignored blatantly before, but refused to call it what it was, but it was burning. He smiled, and smiled crookedly, because he no doubt saw the fire in me, too. He rose and grabbed two more beers, although I was not even halfway done with the other. He opened them both and returned to my side and sat beside me on the edge of the bed. I rose and downed the half one that had gotten warm.

"Yuck..." I detested. "That was warm, and obviously gross."

"This one is ice cold." He handed me the other beer and immediately took a long swig to get the sour taste out of my mouth.

Jason was watching me. I felt lightheaded.

"You look flushed, sweetie. You okay?"

"Yeah fine, thanks. It's just a bit warm in here." I fanned my face with both hands.

"Yeah, I thought so too, you want me to turn the air down?" Down or up, which is it, I could never tell, what the hell just tell him.

"I'll set it to 70," I said. Then I grabbed the remote to change the temperature. "Done," I broadcasted.

"Is there anything that you don't have a remote to?" He chuckled and took a look around.

I couldn't answer that honestly considering the explorations in which my mind had been traveling tonight. He lay on the bed beside me on his side and snuggled up next to me. I turned my body to face his back, and then we spooned. Jason snuggled closer to my body, then grabbed my arm and wrapped it around him and held my hand. We lay silent for a moment. Then Jason turned his body and we were face-to-face. The lust was burning inside me, but flashes of Kyle continuously forced repression.

Jason is a smart man, he knew what I was going through and he didn't dare cross my invisible line. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer for a half hug then said, "Let's get under thecovers. By the way, what are these? They're the softest sheets ever."

I didn't hesitate in responding to the diversion. "They're one-hundred percent Egyptian cotton, six-hundred thread count."

"Well, whatever that is, they're sweet."He smiled his brilliant smile and I stood up as he pulled the bedding down and I stripped my pajamas. I stood beside the bed in only my Calvin's. Jason looked over, immediately turned around and then asked, "You under?"

Into me..."I'm under."

Jason hopped in bed and then lay on his back. I was hesitant, but I desperately wanted to be close to him. My mind battled whether or not to ease towards him or remain frozen. I lay still, I wasn't sure if I was even breathing. I wanted his body next to mine, which meant eliminating the few inches that were between us. My mind raced to how our bodies had been intertwined the morning before and how I conspired that it wasn't an accident.

I rolled to my back. The brunette on the television screamed to announce her location, then the maniac pounded through three layers of wall to reach her...and Jason rolled over and threw his arm across my chest and his leg across mine. In return, I slipped my arm under his head and moved him to my shoulder.The least I could do was hold him now.

Chapter 14

Two months had passed. I had kept myself busy with studying, and with Jason's help, I had been volunteering at Speak Now. I had found a niche within the group and it was comforting for me to know that perhaps I was making a difference in someone's life. In the process, I was changing myself. I had seen Kyle only five and half times in the past couple of weeks, the half being a smile and wave in the library. He was becoming more distant, and my heart more shattered. I didn't want his relationship with Coraline to come between us, but as I had originally expected, it did. Or perhaps the distance was created by his guilt in hurting me. It's just as much my fault, in my protecting my feelings, I'd become distant also. This road to self-discovery had become difficult.

I am hurting still. I still ache for his touch, for his company for more than mere minutes. I hadn't had sex since the day of Kyle's date. I'm sure he had though. He declined the offer to fly home with me for Thanksgiving. He and Coraline decided to take a road trip instead. Apparently she had bought a new car. Not that I would refuse to pay for her ticket home, I just didn't offer. And that made me question if I was horrible for not doing so. Their relationship has blossomed, just as I had predicted. She is his travel companion for the holidays, and she's meeting the parents. I wondered if the Turners would find her as charming as he obviously does. She is beautiful, but charming, I have yet to see. I was holding my bottom line. Kyle had texted the other day and I declined his hookup offer, and it was the hardest thing I've done. I've also not hung out with them as she wished.

Jason said he was staying at the dorm for Thanksgiving. I wondered if he had parents, or if only there was only Aunt GiGi. He and I had spent more and more time together as the time had passed. His company had replaced Kyle's, minus sex and secrecy. Well...Kyle still didn't know we were spending so much time together, but he's been too wrapped up in his own life to notice me, so I guess there is an element of unintentional secrecy. I had been forgotten, or at least that's how my heart feels.

The days were getting shorter, but the nights were getting longer. Jason stayed a couple times a week, but I wondered how long it would take for him to find a girlfriend, although I am convinced that he is gay, or at least for me. I've yet to ask him, I couldn't bring myself to ask, it just seemed wrong, especially considering that I wasn't ready for him if he were into me. I didn't expect him to wait if he was. I couldn't allow myself to ever get caught up the same game again. I vowed to only date a gay man. There are some hot guys on the East side of town, and even in my classes, but no one stands out to me, except for one, and I'm not ready. There is something seriously wrong with me.

I thought about inviting Jason to my home for Thanksgiving, but each time it crossed my mind, I talked myself out of it for one reason or another. I always made up an excuse as to how and why it wasn't a good idea. I know my parents would welcome him with open arms, so would Granny, but I wasn't sure how Kyle would react. I was still hoping for a chance, although he's making clearer with each passing day that he is serious about his straight life. Just as serious as I am about not hiding behind mine any longer.

Other than being social with Jason and spending time with him and the organization, I had become withdrawn, and depressed. I am in high hopes that a trip home will cure me, even if it is temporary. A change of environment will be good. My California King bed sounds amazing right now. As I stood folding my clothes and packing my luggage, I thought about Jason again, and how his Aunt GiGi was going out of town for Thanksgiving, leaving him here alone. Jason is too special a person to spend the holiday alone. I picked up my phone and pressed three. He answered on the first ring.

"Hey lovely, how are you?" He asked.

"I'm fine. You home?" I asked.

"Yes. You need me?" He sounded eager.

"Can you come over?" Before I could finish the question, he knocked on the door. He must've left as soon as I called. He stood in his basketball shorts and a shirt with the sleeves cut off and torn open on both sides. Fuck, he's too hot for his own good. That, in conjunction with my bout with celibacy was about more than I could stand.

"Hi speedy."

"What's up?" He asked cheerfully. He bounded through the room and laid on the chase. He has much more energy than me.

"I was just packing to head home, and was thinking about you..."

He cut me off, "Oh, you were?" He was excited. He was donning his brilliant smile.

"Yes," I smiled and shook my head. "You shouldn't be alone for Thanksgiving, it makes me sad." I looked at his face to read his reaction. He was silent, but smiled at me. I forced the courage and proceeded. I was nervous, but I didn't know exactly why. Rejection? "I want you to come home with me." It was barely audible. Jason smiled wider.

"You want me to go home with you?" He looked surprised, and I was anxious for an answer.

"Yes, I'd like for you to. There's plenty of room, and a heated indoor pool and gym, so you don't have miss out on your workout, and my parents would love to meet you." I had told Mom about him, and each time I talked to her, I mentioned him - as she pointed out. She already conspired we were more than friends, although I'd told her repeatedly we weren't. She indicated that my tone changes when I mention him, and it probably does. He was growing on me, but I don't know what to call it.

"You don't have to convince me, but you have all of that at home? Geez, you're deprived," he joked. "I know you're flying home, but I can't afford the ticket, Clay, especially not last minute on a holiday." I felt like a jackass, it must've been embarrassing for him to say that. My paying should've been the first thing I mentioned.

"I'm asking you to go, silly, I'll pay, and anything else you need, just please come," I pleaded.

"It's a no brainer. Thank you for asking me. I was beginning to wonder how I'd go without seeing your face for a week." He walked up and gave me a hug. He's the best hugger in the world. I buried my face in his chest. His scent weakens me each time. I savored it.

After the embrace, I picked up the phone and effortlessly got an additional ticket on my flight in first class. I thought it would be more difficult. "Success," I said to him.

"When do we leave?" he asked enthusiastically.

"We need to be at the airport in..." I checked the time, "four hours. Better go pack."

"Will do. This is exciting! I've never been to the South."

"Ha! Don't pack shoes." I teased as he bounded as cheerfully out the door as he had entered.

I was excited too. I was worried he'd decline. I smiled. Jason had been the root cause of that lately. I should let Kyle know. My smile faded at the thought. I decided quickly against telling him. We will no doubt see one another at home, and he could find out then.

I finished packing and then went through the ritualistic checklist of ensuring I had packed everything I would need, I laid down on the chase and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew, Jason's arms were around me and we were lying on the bed. He'd come in and packed me to the bed. I must've been more tired than I thought. He had even removed my shoes. I must still be dreaming, I thought. He is so considerate. I rolled over and looked in his face, he was awake. He moved his hand from my waist immediately. I reached over to his hand and replaced it where it had been. He grinned.

"Nice nap?" He asked.

"Yeah," I rolled to my back and stretched. "Oh, what time is it." I rose up quickly and looked at the clock.

"It's early. We've got an hour to get to the airport."

"Good. You carried me to bed?"

He smiled, "Yes, I thought you'd be more comfortable. You didn't budge. I thought I was going to have to check for a pulse."

"Thank you. I guess packing wore me out. We should get ready to hit the road."

I got up and walked to the bathroom and performed the normal check, then tossed my hair, and walked back to the chase and put my shoes on. Jason's luggage sat by the door. He had packed only one bag, whereas I had three sitting by the dresser. I felt excessive. We loaded the trunk with our bags and after a thorough inspection of my dorm, we locked the door and I tossed the keys to Jason. He was ecstatic.

I texted Kyle to let him know I was headed to the airport. Within seconds, he texted back and wished me a safe flight, told me to text when I landed, and that they were already on the road - not to worry, Coraline was driving. I laid the phone in the console and buckled in.

"On his way, too?" He knew Kyle and Coraline were taking the road trip, and probably thought I was dwelling on what they would be doing.

"Yes, they are." He pulled out and I fidgeted with my hands, then the radio station. I left it on soft rock and put on my sunglasses.

"Those are nice shades." He complimented.

I looked over, "Thanks." I reached in the glove box and pulled out a box and laid it my lap. After removing the plastic seals, I pulled out a new pair of Ray Bans, identical to the ones I was wearing, wiped them with my shirt and reached over and placed them on Jason's face. "These are for you."

"What? Where'd these come from?" He asked while he adjusted them.

"The glove box, these were limited edition so I bought four pair, which is all they had at the time. They look good on you."

He smiled and reached over and put his hand on my thigh, "Thank you," sincerity poured from his mouth, and heat from his fingertips.

My package swelled. I didn't remove his hand, and hoped I wasn't squirming, although I wanted to until his hand rested on my package. I wouldn't survive this weekend if he didn't go with me. I wasn't sure about a relationship, but I was sure about his body and my desire to press mine against it. Jason rubbed my thigh with his thumb for a short moment and surges of lust shot through my body. I was attempting to breathe normally. Jason recognized my difficulty and patted my thigh, and flashed me a crooked grin. I returned the grin. I sat up and turned up the radio to divert my attention. The twenty minute drive would seem like an hour with my raging hormones. I couldn't believe a simple touch threw me into an internal frenzy, like a drunken frat boy in a whore house.

I looked back over at Jason, who was still smiling and glanced over at me and giggled, "Really?" He asked. I was humiliated. "Of all the things I've done over the past several months that are what got to you?" He was shaking his head in disbelief and amusement.

Of course he had noticed. What the hell was happening? Did he just admit that he's been trying to get to me? "I guess so, but I've noticed the other things, too, and no, it's not the first time you've gotten to me." I admitted.

The secret kiss on the forehead was too sweet to ruin by mentioning it, but lying on him in the chase was a difficult one. I still couldn't force myself to ask him what his intentions were, and if he's fully gay. I knew curiosity would eventually get the better of me, and I would ask in time. Then it hit me...I would have to know before it could happen. My lust was at bay.

"Oh, really?" he said seductively. Geez, this was a different voice. He needed to stop. His voice was silky smooth, "How?"

"There were many moments, Jason...many." I looked out the window as he turned onto the airport off-ramp.

"If it makes you feel better, you've given me many also." He reached over and grabbed my hand and took it to his lips and planted a gentle kiss. My moment list had been topped. I took his hand to my lips and returned the expression. "Your lips are so soft," he whispered.

We pulled up and Jason parked in the valet line. After tipping the valet and our baggage loaded on the cart, we headed in to fight the crowd. Thank goodness for first class priority boarding. People were rushing about and it was frantic. Jason and I made it through the cumbersome security checks, and people were already unnerving me. I had been pushed several times with no apologies. Eye contact was nonexistent, as if we were lost in a sea of blindness. Jason was still all smiles and occasionally greeting and excusing us. Forty-five minutes later, we had taken our seats at the terminal just in time for priority boarding. The weather was okay, so we should take off in at least 30 minutes. I was relieved.

Jason and I along with a few others entered the ramp and onto the plane after showing our boarding pass. Jason looked at all the empty seats in coach and scoured for the best location. I was standing behind him, and I tapped him on the shoulder and excused myself and stepped around to face him. "Follow me," I directed.

"Oh, that was assertive," he said slyly. He put his hand on my shoulder and I continued to the steward.

"May I see your tickets, please?" a dark haired lady asked. I handed her our tickets, she glanced at them and then opened the curtain. Jason's mouth dropped when he saw only 8 oversized, plush seats in the cabin.

"This must be first class...this is roomy. It doesn't even look like the same plane compared to coach."

"Shall we?" I asked while pointing to the back left, "Be my guest." I was pointing to the window seat, and he smiled widely and sat down and adjusted in the seat.

"Oh, now this is soft." He was rubbing the armrests and feeling the texture of the seat. Jason's compliment's kept coming, and his awe and first time experience made me realize, that although I am humble, how much I take things like this for granted. I'd never flown coach. Jason's enthusiasm for flying first class for the first time was humbling and I was glad that I'd been able to provide him this excitement. I owed it to him, especially for months of lending me his ears and shoulders...and arms. He made it sound like we were in a private jet. When the lights went out on the plane and after a smooth takeoff, we were well above civilization. Jason was looking out the window and I leaned over his lap to take in the view. He leaned back and put his arm around me as we watched the city landscapes fade into soft lights below us. It felt tranquil and lighthearted. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. He stroked my hair and neck, and I didn't care if anyone saw us in this tender position. As time had passed, I became more and more comfortable in his hands, in his arms, although I still longed for Kyle's. I wondered how far Kyle and Coraline had made it.

The next sound I heard was the ding of the intercom and the pilot announcing our arrival. I raised my head from Jason's shoulder and stretched.

"Nice nap?" Jason asked.

"Yeah. I am so excited we're here. My mother should be here. She said she wanted to pick us up." I was elated. I don't mind flying, but I was always glad to be back on the ground. I hoped Jason would feel welcomed into my home, but I was nervous what he'd think about it all. Would he think it is over the top? Perhaps I should have given him a head's up.

Jason and I made our way from the plane to the terminal. As soon as we appeared, I saw mom waiting with her arms outstretched widely. Her smile warmed my heart. Her beauty is striking.

"Clay!" We hugged and I squeezed her tightly.

Jason stood by my side, and I turned around and held my hand out toward him, "Mom, meet Jason." I gestured towards mom, "Jason, this is my mother, Layla."

"Hello, Jason, it is a pleasure to finally meet you, and aren't you a handsome devil," she delighted.

Jason blushed, and smiled his brilliant smile. "Thank you, ma'am, and the pleasure are all mine. You are stunning."

Mom smiled, "Well, thank you. Oh, you both must be famished, let's get out of here."

After claiming our luggage we headed to the valet area where our vehicle waited. Jason looked astounded as we approached the white stretch limo, and the driver called mom by name. Mom introduced Jason to Jeffrey, our driver and longtime friend. After exchanging greetings and a handshake, Jeffrey opened the door and assisted mom in.

"Clay! It's good to see you little man. I sure am glad you're home, your mother hasn't stopped going on about you." Jeffrey smiled and waved me in.

"It's feels great to be home." I smiled and gave Jeffrey a hug and he embraced me in a bear hold and swung me around. I got settled in and Jason followed me. He sat across from me on the side seats. He examined every inch of the interior.

"Oh, this must belong to you all," he said with a look of surprise. I didn't have a chance to forewarn him of what he was about to experience, the monogram on the floor mats and at each headrest clearly indicated that it did. I felt impractical in a way that I had never experienced before. I had never brought home a friend who wasn't familiar with my family. I should've told mom to have a car waiting for me to drive home.

"It does," Mom responded, "It's a bit lavish, but Mr. DeVero insisted." Mom rolled her eyes and smiled her loving smile.

Jason just sat back and comforted himself, and gave me a crooked grin. Mom and Jason got acquainted with one another while I listened and watched. They seemed to hit it off well. Mom went through the itinerary she had for us for the week, which involved recreational shopping, shopping, and more shopping. Mom and I do the traditional all day shopping trip the day after Thanksgiving, along with the rest of the world. I smiled at Jason who was nodding and agreeing with all of Mom's plans. Small talk continued about the South and how Jason had never been here before, and all that resulted in was more plans so that Jason could see all the highlights Georgia had to offer. Mom started pointing out local attractions as we passed through the city and then to the outskirts.

As we climbed our hill and entered the tall iron gates after what seemed a lifetime of endless chatter, Jason's eyes became wide and his mouth partially opened as the mansion became visible. It was dark, but the entire landscape was lit brightly, as was the house. Mom's decorators had done a wonderful job this year for the fall season. My favorite colors were donned everywhere. The two fountains at the entrance were lit with orange, and I could see the large fountain in the circle drive at the front entrance was also orange. The foliage donned on the columns, the wreaths, tall plants, and mums were beautiful. There were burnt oranges, burgundies, yellows, browns, and greens galore.

"Do you like it, Clay?" Mom asked enthusiastically.

"Of course, Momma, it's beautiful. Sharon and her group did an amazing job this year." I was smiling widely, and Jason moved over to my side and we looked around as we continued through to the front entrance. Jeffrey lowered the credenza, "Clay, this is all for you, buddy. They've all worked overtime."

I was impressed, and tears formed in my eyes. It felt already wonderful to be home. All of the emotions that I had felt over the past couple of months had flooded me again, and it was more than I could bear, I had longed to be here. I kept from balling. A part of me wished Kyle was here to see this. The fifty-five thousand square foot French Country Chateaux that my father had modeled after one he had seen in Paris was lavishly fit for fall and the Thanksgiving holiday. Fit for their prince and one and only child...me. Jason looked around in amazement. He knew I come from money, but I don't think he realized the extent. He was soaking it now for sure. Jeffrey helped Mom out first, then Jason, then me. The cool night air chilled me and I shivered. Jason immediately snuggled my shoulders and rubbed his hands vigorously up and down my arms to warm me. Mom smiled down at us from the stairs. I reached up and patted his hand that rested on my shoulder and we started toward the entrance.

"Clay, you didn't answer me," Mom said.

"Momma, this is simply amazing. You'll be the envy of all. I've never seen anything so stunning," I gushed.

"I agree, Ms. DeVero, it's remarkable," Jason said.

"Please, Jason, call me Layla. Let's go in before we freeze." Mom headed in the front door.

"Just a minute, we'll be in," I assured.

"Hurry then, Daddy has been waiting and hasn't stopped yakking about you."

"We will," I replied. Jeffrey drove the car around the side of the house to its custom garage. I looked at Jason, who shook his head from side to side and smiled. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I'm blown away, Clay. I had no idea you come from this," he said as he waved his arm to the side around the house and grounds. "No wonder you're miserable on campus. Your house is the size of Liberty Hall. It is quite lovely."

"Well, you haven't seen anything yet. I want you to be comfortable here, and feel welcomed."

"You invited me, of course I feel welcomed. I'm fine as long as you don't leave me here, I may get lost," he joked.

"I won't leave you. I don't want you to sleep in a guest room either. The entire upstairs east wing is mine, and I want you to sleep in my bed...with me." I looked down at the cobblestone driveway, somewhat embarrassed by the forwardness of my implication. He grabbed my hands and lightly squeezed and rubbed his thumbs against my palms. A shiver shot through me.

Jason gave me a wicked grin and I could see a boyish glee twinkle in his eyes, "Deal."

"Now, let's go in, I'm freezing, and Daddy's waiting."

"That's cute," he said.

"What's cute?" I asked.

"You still call your dad, Daddy." He smiled. "I guess I would too, though." My heart sank. This was only the second mention of one of his parents, and the first time, I was too self-absorbed and wallowing to ask him anything further. I wanted to ask now, but knew it would probably be best to not and let him tell me on his own terms and time.

I giggled and we walked up the stairs and entered the foyer. My breath was taken once more. The theme outside was continued, but more abundant indoors. Daddy bounded into the foyer and hugged me, picking me up in the process.

"Daddy! I've missed you!" I exclaimed.

"I've missed you too honey," He said as he planted my feet back on the ground and grabbed both sides of my face, "You look great, that getup what your mother sent you last month?" He asked and kissed my forehead. Momma sent me the latest in Burberry and Saks Fifth Avenue, amongst other designers every month, and stocked my closet here. Most of the time, I never even see or get a chance to wear them before she donates them to charity to make room for more.

Daddy turned his attention to Jason. I was trembling inside. I wanted this to go well, but reminded myself it's not like meeting the parents under different circumstances. I was relieved when he looked pleased. Daddy shook Jason's hand.

"Ah, that's quite a grip you got there, buddy. You play ball?"

"Yes sir, soccer and baseball." I didn't know he played baseball also.

"Come in kids, come in," Daddy pointed to family room to the right. The oversized furniture and fireplace was inviting in southern, cold November air. Mom had a tree decorated with fall foliage next to the white Grand Piano.

"Daddy, this is Jason," I announced as Jason and I sat on the couch. "Jason, my Daddy, Vince."

"Pleasure to have you, Jason, so what position do you play in baseball?" Daddy poured a scotch and handed it to Jason. Mom entered the room and brought a tray of warm apple cider and poured her and me a cup. It smelled warm, spicy, delightful, and perfect for the season.

Jason took a sip of the scotch without flinching and thanked him, "I pitch, sir."

"Please, drop the formalities, and call me Vince." Jason smiled and nodded his head and they toasted their glasses. "Oh, yeah? I did some pitching back in my day. Ahh, a couple of years ago." We all laughed. Although Daddy didn't look a day over thirty-five, we all knew it had been more than a couple of years.

Talk of current sports continued for what seemed forever, and a couple of glasses of scotch later, Mom and I to excused ourselves and we went to the informal living room, then I realized I had done what I told Jason I wouldn't do, I left him. He and Daddy seemed to be comfortable and enjoying their conversation, so I forced the guilt aside. It was inevitable, and I could predict the conversation in which Momma and I were about to engage.

Chapter 15

I waited for the prying patiently as I stirred my cider, cuddled in the ivory plush chair next to the fireplace. As I watched the flames flicker, I could visualize Kyle sitting on the floor next to fire, frozen in time. I wondered how he was, what he and Coraline were doing, and how much further away they were, or if they had stopped to rest for the night. Was he tired? I was tempted to call him, but talked myself out of it immediately.

"You're a million miles away, Clay." Her voice was soothing, and sounded worried.

"I'm fine," I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Really, I am. I'm glad to be home. It's been a terrible couple of months. Kyle and Coraline seem impervious to my feelings, but she doesn't know. It's not her fault, Momma. I just really hate her for taking him away from me. You'll see...she's lovely." I smiled and the waterworks turned on.

Mom's hand went to my shoulder and she handed me a tissue. "I was hoping you'd feel better about that situation by now. I understand you're hurting, but don't hate her. It's not becoming of you, and you're a better person than that, Clay. Let him live his life the way he wants and feels the need to. If you two are meant to be, then it shall be in the end. But, don't wait. You have needs, too, sweetheart."

Her words rang true. I knew the connotation of it all, and I had been attempting to do just that. "I will, Momma. I won't do anything to hurt them, although I feel like it sometimes. Kyle knows he hurt me, and he feels guilty. I've seen it. I wish I could get the look on his face out of my memory." I recalled last when I purposefully hurt him by making him feel guilty.

"In time, it will all be easier. Believe in that, and focus on you." She stoked my hair off my forehead. "Now, tell me about your guest."

I knew it – she'd go there. I didn't know how to explain or describe him, or what it was we have. My emotions surrounding him were making me feel bipolar. One moment my hormones would be raging and I wanted him badly, the next, I was adamant about remaining only friends with no complications. Hell, I didn't even know definitively if he's gay, although his less than subtle acts suggest that he is. I took a deep breath.

"He's a great friend. He's been there for me every moment throughout this entire ordeal. Every time I needed him, and even now, he's by my side. He's been a great source of comfort."

"And?" she pried.

"And, he's a great friend, and no - it's not like that." I could tell my mother anything. She thrives on the fact that she has a gay son. When I buy her clothes, they always come with matching accessories.

"Maybe someday?" Her question irritated me because it was a fact I struggled answering for myself.

"Momma, I don't know. I don't know about anything right now, like that."

"I see the way he looks at you," she said, ignoring my attempt to dismiss her question.

I was taken aback by her observation. "What?" I asked, sounding a bit more enthused than I meant to.

"Oh yeah," she didn't hesitate. "Not only does he look at you like you're the Hope Diamond, he's been so considerate of your every need – so you can say he treats you like the Hope Diamond also. Why, the way he carried your carryon bag and held out his hand for you at every bump to ensure your safety. You shiver and he blankets you with his arms. He opens every door for you and allows you to enter first. Come on, Clay, you had to have noticed by now."

She smiled her victory smile and sipped her cider. I felt utterly oblivious and dim-witted. I had ignored almost all of it, but I guessed I had known all along. Perhaps it was because of my current state-of-mind, or perhaps because I chose to, but it was hitting me like a ton of bricks now. Even though I had experienced it all, it was almost as if it had all transpired through an avatar, and I had not really internalized anything he'd been doing for me – including opening my doors, but he does. Daddy came into the room, followed by Jason, and both seemed jubilant, perhaps enhanced by the Scotch.

"We'd wondered where you two had disappeared to," Daddy said smiling.

He walked over to Momma and kissed her on the cheek. Jason stood just inside the doorway holding his glass of Scotch smiling at me. I felt intense warmth flush my entire body. I smiled back, and then looked back over at Momma and Daddy, who were staring at me smiling. Momma was right. This impossibly gorgeous man was taken with me...as I am to him. The attention embarrassed me.

Both of them looked over at Jason, then Daddy said, "Go on, son, have a seat with us." Then Daddy pointed to the empty space beside me. When Jason approached me, I watched them. My heart was beating rapidly, and Jason sat on the empty space beside me, a chair oversized, but meant for one. I straightened my body to make room. His scent hit me and I shuddered. I couldn't understand that of all times, I was being most affected by him in front of my parents.

"Well, Clay, don't we feel left out?" Momma asked and I knew exactly what she meant. She walked over to the frosted glass floor-to-ceiling wine cooler and grabbed a bottle of Don Perpignan, two wine glasses, sat them on a serving tray, then brought it to the coffee table. Daddy opened the wine and poured Momma and me a half glass and handed them to us. Momma and I thanked him in unison. Jason looked at me puzzled, then in approval toward my parents.

"So, I hear your mother has big plans for you this week. You ready?" Daddy asked.

"Aren't I always" I rebutted.

"That you are, baby boy."

Momma looked at me and winked. We sipped our drinks and made small talk. In the midst, both my parents gave subtle indications that they approved of Jason, but gave more hints as if they were both in agreement of Jason and me. I was relieved and confused. Then Daddy asked Jason the question I had refrained from twice.

"So, Jason, what do your parents do?"

Oh shit! I wanted to know where his parents are, but I wanted him to tell if he wanted to. I know Daddy meant no harm and it was just a general question, but I suddenly felt bad for him being put on the spot.

"My parents are dead. They died in plane crash in 2009," Jason answered without missing a beat. Momma put her hand over her heart and then fidgeted with her necklace. I expected an answer like this, but I couldn't keep sadness at bay. I put my hand on Jason's back and rubbed it softly. Jason eyes indicated he was gauging our responses. "It's okay, I mean, it's not, but I'm okay. It was a while ago and I've had time to come to terms with it," Jason said as if to console us, as if we were the ones who were in need of it. The mood in the room changed immediately.

"That's terrible," I whispered, "I'm sorry for your loss." Momma and Daddy echoed my condolences. Daddy got up and patted him on the back and excused himself. I could tell he felt terrible for having even asked, and was too embarrassed to stay. Daddy is a gentle soul. Momma stood and walked to Jason gracefully and bent down and kissed the top of his head and whispered her condolences again and then apologized for Daddy's sudden departure.

"Clay, I'm going to lie down. Why don't you show Jason around, or take a dive in the pool. I love you," Momma said and then walked over and gave us each a kiss on the forehead. With a goodnight and a look to me that indicated for me to be good, Jason and I were alone.

"I really am sorry, Jason. I'm sure it was very rough for you," I said.

Jason smiled his brilliant smile, "Thank you. I am okay though. No need to feel bad for me." I didn't want to not talk about it, but I knew I shouldn't press further discussion considering the alcohol.

I extended my arm toward the French doors, "Wanna see the rest?"

"Woo-na? Is that what you said?" he asked jokingly. I gave him an incredulous look. "Dying to!" Jason cracked.

I didn't find it humorous, but I was glad he was comfortable enough to joke about it. We walked out of the room and bypassed the massive marble double staircase and walked to my secret door Daddy had installed under the stairs. I pressed my finger against the lower left-hand corner of the mirror to the right of the secret passage. There was silence as the wall caved in and slide open. I stepped inside. Jason stood outside looking curiously at the wall and craned inside at the mechanisms that operated the inner workings of the door. I grabbed his hand and urged him inside. He obeyed and I pressed my pinky to the lower right hand corner of the backside of the two-sided mirror. Once the door closed, I grabbed Jason's hand and led him down the cedar hallway to the glass door at the end. Again, I pressed my fingerprint to the mirror-like glass and a cedar wall ascended and opened in the same manner. When we emerged, Jason gasped as he saw the indoor pool room. I closed the door with my touch and it disappeared into the wall, Daddy's innovation to keep my pathways secret.

"My goodness. I've never seen anything like this." Jason looked around and let go of my hand as he walked to the side of the pool. He marveled at the glass that surrounded us and the greenery that surrounded the indoors. "There's a wading pool and hot tub?" He sounded astonished. I was amazed that he was talking about the indoor pool room and not the route in which we came.

"Yeah, and the gym and sauna are right through that door." I pointed toward stainless steel swinging door. I figured there was no reason to hide anything now. I knew the Scotch was most likely influencing his discarding the way we entered.

"Wow. You were neglected as a child, huh?" He said jokingly, smiling and shaking his head. Then he leaned down and felt the water. "It's warm."

"Yeah, this one's heated."

"This one?" he asked.

"Yeah, there's one outdoors at the pool house." There was no sense in trying to hide it. He would eventually catch a glimpse, although it's closed for the season. I didn't think I could bear taking him to the pool house, it just wouldn't seem right. I didn't need a visual for the memories to return. I was attempting to get over him, not relive it and dwell over the "what if's." The pool house would certainly bring about misery and I had already spent too much time dwelling in that past.

Without warning, Jason ran to me and picked me up and before I could detest, then we were both in the pool fully dressed.

"Jason!" I screamed when I surfaced while wiping my eyes. I couldn't be angry. He was soaking wet and hot as hell. His hair was slicked back and he swam over to me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he apologized.

I didn't mind. "Ha! It's fine. But I'm getting out. These jeans are uncomfortable soaking wet."

"Gosh, I didn't think about it. We can't track water throughout your house." He looked concerned.

"There are robes right over there, but we don't need them. I wanna show you something."

"Okay," he agreed.

We walked to my secret door, and Jason looked amused when I pressed my fingertip on the door and it popped open. I guess he didn't notice it faded into the wall when I closed it. As we went back down the hall, I stopped midway.

"There is an entire tunnel system in the house. Daddy had it designed for me when the house was built as a secret tunnel. I thought it was for my enjoyment as a child, but I realized when I got older that it is more of a security thing so I could escape if needed, because none of the doors are visible to the naked eye. It would take close inspection to figure out that amongst these walls, are doors."

Jason looked as excited as a little boy greeting his first puppy. I pressed on the cedar wall, and the door opened automatically. We descended another hallway and then a break in the wall, and we climbed the steps in between the break. At the top of the stairway, I pressed my hand over a biometric pad once more, and the door opened, leading us into my bedroom - a beautiful sight to me.

"Welcome," I motioned to Jason. "This is my room."

"Room, it's more like an apartment. Geez, this is huge."

He was right. It is big, but my Momma and Daddy wanted me to have room. I love my room. I love my California King bed, duvet, dozens of pillows. I love my chase and reading nook. I love my shower and garden tub. I love my walk-in closet and separate dressing room. I love my shoe closet. I love it all, really.

Jason walked over and opened the door to my closet and walked in. "Goodness. You have lots of clothes. This is neat, a dressing room? Ha!" He had been impressed by everything, so I was more relieved, because I was terrified he'd feel uncomfortable or feel swallowed by it all.

"You know. I've been thinking. Your parents must have raised you right. Cause, you certainly don't act like you come from all of this," he said and spread his arms out wide, then dropped them to his sides.

"They did. We're humble people. Thank you. That is a huge compliment to me." I smiled. "Are you glad you came?"

"Of course. Thanks for inviting me, flying me, and housing me."

I walked to my closet and grabbed a pair of PJ bottoms and showed Jason where things are, in case he needed something. I grabbed a pair of red low-rise bikinis and went into the bathroom and closed the door. After struggling to remove the wet jeans, I jumped in the shower and quickly scrubbed my body to rid the chlorine. After drying off, dressing, and doing the ritualistic check and facial, I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Jason was sitting in his boxers with another pair of underwear in his hands. His body looked incredibly sizzling.

"Me next," he said.

"Of course" I responded. Jason walked into the bathroom and I didn't hear the door shut. I immediately went to the other side of the room, out of view from the bathroom. When I heard the water running, I walked back over, and sure enough, he had left the door wide open. His boxers were lying on the floor in front of the shower stall. I could see his tan silhouette through the frosted glass. My heart raced, blood was burning throughout my body, and my package began to swell.

I had to divert my attention. I was shaking. I turned on the television and thumbed through the guide. Nothing. Nothing. Watched a thousand times. Nothing. Ah, this will work - another scary movie. The water stopped running after a bit. I forced myself to keep my eyes on the television and to not look in his direction, although I badly wanted to. I was horny as hell and had never wanted another man the way I wanted him, except for Kyle. Focus!

I heard bare feet against the hardwood floor and I glanced up. Fuck! Jason was walking to the bedroom door in nothing but a pair of white briefs. He locked the door and turned to me and looked deep into my eyes. There was fire burning inside his eyes that I'd never seen. His smile was sweet and sensual. His walk became more brisk toward me. My heart raced.

"I don't want to do this anymore," he said mid-pace and grabbed my hand and pulled me up to my feet.

"Wh..." I was cut off by Jason's lips to mine. His kiss was the gentlest kiss I'd ever had despite his forwardness and pace. His tongue met mine and I was rock hard instantly. His breath was sweet and his lips were the softest I'd ever felt. The defenses I'd been attempting to keep were shattered. He grabbed the sides of my face and peered into my eyes and I was lost, so I had to resort to a natural response. "You like the rain shower and multiple heads, huh?" I said.

"You were going to ask me...what?" he said while catching his breath. "Well...I can't pretend that I'm not in love with you - that's what I can't do anymore."

I was speechless, but our mouths locked again, preventing me from having to respond. I couldn't believe my ears. I suspected that he was into me, but not in love with me. My feelings were strong, too, but I hadn't considered love beyond friendship.

Jason picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He held my ass and squeezed gently. My dick was raging against his abs. He was just as hard, I could feel him as he was lifting and lowering me, grinding against me. We were breathing heavily, and broke away for a moment so we could catch our breaths. Then he laid me on the bed and towered above me, grinding his cock on mine. He grabbed the waistband of my pajamas, and in one swift motion he yanked them off me as I kicked my legs and he threw them on the floor. He stared down my body and smiled.

"Tightest little body ever," he said as I looked over his body. His cock was hard and dressed to the left. His dick was thick and very long, and it extended past his thigh even confined by his underwear.

"Not bad yourself." I grinned and rose up on my elbows.

"Yeah?" He asked. Then he slid his underwear down and off his hips midway past his thighs, revealing his hanging cock. Jesus! He is huge, and must be at least ten inches and surrounded by a perfect manscape. I was a bit intimidated. Jason spread my legs and kissed my knees. He gently used his fingertips and rubbed both my thighs. I panted and squirmed. He kissed my knees again and then gently kissed every inch of thigh until he reached my underwear line. He looked up at me, winked and then ran his tongue across my package to the other thigh and then began kissing his way up to my knee. After another cycle, I felt like I was going to explode if he didn't kiss my mouth, so I grabbed his hair and gently urged his head to mine. He braced himself with his hands to avoid putting his weight on me. I threw my arms around him and squeezed his shoulders and then moved down to his ass. He moaned into my mouth. His entire body was solid muscle.

He then went back to my cock and licked and nibbled lightly over my underwear. I grabbed his hair and squeezed. My underwear was soaked. He moved his hand over my cock and then grabbed the band and slid them off me.

"Nice. It's pretty." He grabbed the base and his mouth immediately engulfed every inch. His warm mouth felt amazing while he was bobbing, and I moaned. I was so horny and worked up that I knew I wouldn't last at this pace, so I grabbed his face and pulled toward me. He followed my command, and our faces met. Desire burned in both our eyes.

"Lie down," I ordered. He obeyed. Then I straddled him and grabbed his nipples and pinched gently, then leaned down and nibbled them. His nipples became as erect as his cock. He was breathing heavily as I kissed my way down his abs to his cock. I grabbed his shaft and my hand didn't cover even half. Damn, that's huge. His cock was perfectly straight, his shaft dark, and his head perfectly mushroomed. I opened my mouth wide to accommodate his thickness. I could feel him pulsating as I descended his member. I started slowly until I had wet his entire cock to my hand. I didn't want to embarrass myself by going any further and gagging. I'd work my way to that. I became faster and rhythmic in my movements, swirling my tongue and at ascent. He thrust his body forward and moaned and panted as I got faster, then he grabbed my face and pulled me to him. Our lips met and he rose up and I sat on his lap. His movements became slower and he pulled back and looked into my eyes. The fire was still burning in his eyes, and inside my entire body.

"You are so gorgeous, Clay," he said, and brushed my hair out of my face. "I've dreamt of being with you for a long time." He sounded so sincere, it melted my heart.

"Thank you and you're stunning." I had to admit it, "And I've dreamt of this, too."

This seemed to excite him more, and he slid out from under me and then I lay down. He laid back down on me and then spread my legs up. I was confused and excited as his tongue made his way to my ass and rimmed me. This was new to me, and I was uncomfortable and felt disgusting, but the more he licked and probed, the more enjoyable it became. I was panting again. Then he lowered my legs.

"You okay," he asked.

"More than...here." I reached far and rolled my body slightly to get the lube from the bag beside my bed. Suddenly I felt trashy and would think he thought so too, or that I planned for this to happen. My body didn't respond like my thoughts would like, and I tossed him the bottle.

"You sure?" He asked.

"I want you. I want you to have me," I whispered.

And that was the honest truth. Over the months, I'd grown very fond of him, and over time, he crossed my mind and filled the emptiness in my soul more times in a day than I could count. He had lubed his fingers and when he gently inserted one finger, I moaned. As he began to slowly pump, I pushed back against him and then he entered a second, more pants and thrusts and he entered a third finger.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered while leaning down and kissing my lips."

"You won't," I assured him.

Without another word, he replaced his finger with his massive member and slowly he entered me and then brought his chest closer to mine and braced himself with one arm to my side and the other hand grasping the headboard.

"You okay?" he asked.

Surprisingly, I was. Although I was certain he was in my stomach. I felt no pain, no burning, no stinging, only shrill pleasure throughout my body. He looked into my eyes again, I stared deeper into his. I was lost in his eyes as he started slowly pumping me. I'd been fucked before, but it didn't seem this personal. Jason wasn't fucking me; he was making love to me. His rhythm was slow and steady, and it felt better than any feeling I'd ever felt. Every thrust hit my prostate and sent me into seventh heaven. He was moaning softly and leaned in and kissed me softly. I kissed him back and his thrusts became more rapid.

I smiled at Jason between breaths, and his brilliant smile along with pleasure written all over his face excited me.

"You're incredible, Clay," he whispered.

His eyes appeared to be shining, like sapphires in the sunlight. I shot my load immediately onto my chest with several short breathed pants.

"Ooh, oh, ooohhhh!" I felt his warm load in my intestines, and after a few quick thrusts, he pulled out. He collapsed by my side, then immediately rose up on his elbow and kissed my mouth. "I can't get enough of your kisses," he said and kissed me again.

"I'm amazed at you Jason McClain. That...was...the best I've ever felt in my life."

He smiled widely and raised his eyebrows. "Really? Huh!" He was proud of himself. Then he looked at me with a serious expression, "Clay?"

"Yes." I was worried.

"Umm...will you...you know...be my boyfriend?" What? Are we in the second grade...why didn't he just give me a letter and have me check yes or no. It was the cutest gesture ever. His eyes were big as he waited for my response.

"Oh, did you have to try on the shoes before you bought them?" I asked jokingly.

He looked serious, and almost embarrassed. "No, I..."

"Shhh." I put my fingertip to his mouth to silence him. "I'm just kidding," I paused and looked down at his body, how could I refuse? "Of course I will be." In that moment, I had my first real boyfriend. I felt incredible; although I was sure I couldn't stand on my feet if I tried.

He laughed in excitement, "Really? I promise I'll never hurt you intentionally." He was serious, and I was waiting for the comparison, but it didn't come, which further reassured me that I had made the right decision. I surprised myself by not avoiding the question or thinking too long. He just feels right. Right for me. My fit...my glove...my blanket...and my protector.

"I can't wait to tell Aunt GiGi. She's going to be so excited," Jason said.

"So will Momma and Daddy, so get ready, you're in for it..."

We both giggled. After we cleaned up in the shower, were dressed in only our underwear, we lay back down in the bed. I pressed the remote to turn of the lighting and black out the windows. Jason shook his head.

"I feel like we're in a machine." He laughed.

"Are you comfortable?"I asked.

"Of course I am. This is the nicest bed I've ever been in. I'm here with you, and this has been the best night of my life thus far."

"Goodnight sweetie," I said.

"Goodnight," he whispered. I laid my head on his shoulder and threw my right arm and leg over his body. His arm was under my neck and he pulled me closer and held my head with one hand and flipped through the channels with the other. He kissed the top of my head and played with my hair. He felt right, that's all that I could think to myself. Had I found him? He had been under my nose this entire time, but I was blinded by my train wreck of emotions. I had to admit the truth - I've always been attracted to him. I could only hope that I was over him enough to make this relationship with Jason devotional and lasting.

I now faced another challenge, telling Kyle about us. A part of me hopes he'd be jealous, but the reasonable part of me doesn't want him to be. I don't want to use Jason that way. He deserves to have me wholly. God I hope I can commit wholeheartedly and without baggage of any kind. Figures...when I should be reveling in the fact that I have my first real boyfriend and focusing my time and energy into him, I was already dwelling on possible negativity. I snuggled deeper into Jason's chest. His fingers gently parted my hair and I closed my eyes.

Chapter 16

I awoke to the aroma of coffee, hazelnuts, and Mary's homemade cinnamon rolls. It smelled delightful. The bed was empty so I rose and looked around. Jason came out of the bathroom with pajamas and t-shirt on and a cup of coffee in hand.

"Good morning sleepy head," Jason smiled. He looked so happy it warmed me. "A nice lady named Mary brought these in a few minutes ago and said not to wake you, that the cinnamon rolls would, and sure enough, she was right!"

"Mornin'. I must go see her in a bit. Have you tried one, they're amazing." I boasted.

"No, I thought I'd wait for you." How awfully considerate I thought, then he handed me a cup of black coffee.

"Thank you. Now I'll show you how to make the best coffee in the world." I got out of the bed and walked to the silver cart Mary had wheeled in. Then it hit me, gossip is already probably spread throughout the mansion. Folks are probably wondering where Kyle is.

I was still in my underwear and Jason whistled. I turned around and smiled at him. He walked up behind me as I poured the hazelnut cream into my coffee. He wrapped his hand around me and rubbed my abs and kissed my neck, which made me tingly all over, and sent a surge of electricity through my body. He knows how to touch me. I stirred the coffee and turned and faced him. He smiled and pecked me on the lips. I covered my mouth, because I hadn't yet brushed my teeth and Jason giggled.

"How long have you been holding all this in?" I asked.

"Since the moment I first saw you." He answered without missing a beat. "This was about a year ago. You were wearing black slacks and a gray sweater thing. Took my breath, and I've kept my eyes on you since."

"A cardigan." I clarified. "I had no idea, Jason."

I looked up and at him and sipped my coffee. He smacked my ass and squeezed my cheek when his timeline hit me. He liked me before I even knew who he was and I wondered why he hadn't approached me before, although I was glad he didn't. I would've surely ignored him because of Kyle.

"You do now." He smiled and pecked my neck again, and again the same surge shot through my body. I kissed his cheek and walked to the bathroom.

The time to ask is now. "Are you gay, Jason?" My heart raced, terrified of his response.

"I can see why you ask, you've been hurt, but of course I am. I told you I would never hurt you. I am not just gay for you, Clay. Well...you know...I'm faithful and all, I mean...I'm gay and have been since I realized it when I was a teenager."

Relief washed over me. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, "I promise," he swore.

"Back in a sec," I said.

I jumped in the shower and let the water lightly massage my muscles. My body ached. I hoped the tenseness would soon ease. Surprisingly, my ass didn't hurt, because I felt sure that his size would cause some aftermath. I allowed my mind to drift where I knew it shouldn't...he may be bigger than Kyle. I need a side-by-side comparison, now wouldn't that be something. I giggled aloud at the thought. I felt like crying from relief and had no reason to distrust him, but couldn't help but feel that he would have to earn my trust in this new level of relationship. Once I dried off, I threw my robe on and walked out to the bedroom where Jason waited, fully dressed and holding out a plate with a cinnamon roll and refilled coffee. He and the cinnamon roll and coffee were a marvelous sight. His handsomeness resonated throughout the room. Somehow, the burnt orange walls seemed brighter than usual.

"I think I got the coffee right," he said as he raised the cup. "You look beautiful, Clay."

He knows how to flatter me. "Thanks. I'm sure it's perfect," I said as I reached for the cup and sipped. Yep. I grabbed the cinnamon roll and took a bite, wonderful, as always. Then Jason pulled me toward him and sat me on his lap, then kissed my shoulder.

"Kyle called your cell while you were in the shower. I didn't answer it. I knew I shouldn't."

My heart sank at the drop of his name. How in the hell would I ever get through this? I reached for my phone and pressed and held one, knowing I'd need to change that setting. He answered on the first ring.

"Clay! We're here safe and sound," he said. "How was your flight?"

"It was fine. I'm glad you two made it safely. How was the scenery?"

"It was good, a bit boring to stare at for hours. Good trip though. So, what are your plans later? I thought we could hang out. Coraline is dying to hang out."

"Well, I'm not sure. You know Mom. She'll be thrilled to see you. I told her about Coraline and how lovely she is." I was avoiding the obvious, although I was sitting in his lap. "I need to talk to you in person anyway."

"Great, we'll come over around five or so. Tell Mary, though. You know how she loves to cook for more."

"Will do. See you then."

"K. See ya!" he said cheerfully.

I laid the phone to the side and sighed. Jason put his arm around me. "That was quick," he observed.

"Yeah, he hates talking on the phone. He and Coraline are gonna come over around five, and I'll tell him then. I have to do this in person, and alone." I gauged his response. He seemed fine.

"Cool. You don't have to tell him anything if you don't want to."

"No, I have to. I don't want him to find out any other way." I felt sick at my stomach and anxious. I got up and went into my closet to dress. It felt like a Prada day. Black and white. When I emerged fully dressed, Jason's mouth dropped. I was wearing black slacks, white ribbed sweater, and accented with a silver buckle belt, bracelet, and black shoes.

"Wow. You look amazing, and now I feel completely underdressed," he said looking down at his jeans.

"You look perfect," I said.

I walked to him and kissed his supermodel face. He kissed my lips. As much as I wanted to avoid comparisons, I found myself making them at every turn. Jason's kiss was softer and more compassionate. It was as if I could feel his emotions through his lips. My moments could be shattered by him in time, and I wasn't completely sure I was ready to relinquish that special time. Where does my heart beat then? Seeing him today would only make matters worse. Not even Jason's strong and gentle arms could stop the anxiety that spread throughout me. He felt it. I know my face couldn't hide it either.

"Don't do anything you don't want to. We can keep us a secret. Don't feel pressured, especially on my end," he whispered.

"I don't feel pressured, Jason. It's not fair to you or to him to keep us secret. I won't do that to you or him. Hell, he's probably not even going to blink an eye. He appears perfectly happy with her and he's moved well beyond me."

Jason looked deep into my eyes, "Maybe it's too soon for you." His eyes looked pained.

"No. No, it's not. We just have to get through this announcement phase. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. This is all brand new to me, and I don't know how to do this." I was pacing the floor. Jason grabbed my arms.

"Then let your heart lead the way. I've never done this either, and I'm just as scared as you are. I'm terrified I'm going to do something to disappoint you, and I can't imagine that. I know we won't be perfect, but I am going to do everything in my power to ensure that it's close. You're all I've ever wanted, Clay. Everything I could imagine and this feels like a dream. All the times I lay beside you, I woke up to make sure you were still there, and thanked my lucky stars that you were."

My anxiety was diminishing. Those were the sweetest words I'd ever heard, I had just imagined them coming from someone else's mouth. A mouth I was attempting to put back into a friendship perspective. A tear escaped my eye.

"Jason, I...I am flattered. You're all I've ever wanted in a man. I, too, feel like I'm in a dream."

I walked over to the end table and grabbed my coffee and sat down on the chase. A thousand words were crossing my mind as I fumbled for the right ones. My heart chose them for me.

"I've never wanted a knight in shining armor. That's not who I am. I've always just wanted to have someone that I could express myself with, and not hide behind walls and who I am. Someone I could share new adventures with. Someone I could share all of this with," I said as I motioned around the room. Jason rubbed my back. "I just want to be able to not hide anymore. I spent years doing that, and I don't want to ever go down that path again. I have to tell him."

"I understand," Jason said and he kissed my hand that he was now holding. "I never want to hide you. I'll scream from the rooftops if that would make you happy."

"Ha!" I giggled. "Before we get the bullhorn, let's go tell Momma and Daddy. Ah, and I have to give you the grand tour."

"Let's go," he bound to his feet and held his hand out to the door.

We walked out of the bathroom, and Jason looked around. His eyes were wide as walked down the hallway. I pointed out different rooms and opened doors as we made our way down the east wing, my wing. The first door on the right was my study with floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with my favorite authors, Dean Koontz, Kathy Reichs, as well as many classics. I made Jason aware of my favorite authors and he told me his favorite, James Patterson. Jason studies Criminal Justice and prelaw, so it fits. Next on the left are my den, where all my game systems are and massive screen with theater seating. Jason was most impressed and drooling in this room. We continued down the hallway and I showed him my hobby room and green room. As we reached the central double staircase, I pointed out the west wing, which is my parent's domain.

As we descended the stairs, I heard Momma's voice coming from the sunroom at the front of the house. She was giving direction to the housekeeping staff about how to prioritize today's cleaning in preparation of the cocktail ball this evening, a charitable event hosted by Momma on Thanksgiving Eve every year for as long as I could remember.

I filled Jason in quickly on the events of this evening, what to expect, and our role, which was to socialize and have a good time. We stood at the base of the stairs and waited for Momma to finish. Once she had, she emerged and immediately walked to us and gave us both a hug.

"Sleep well?" She asked.

"Yes, we did. I'd like to talk to you and Daddy in private," I requested.

"Oh, of course dear. Are you alright?"

"Yes, Momma, I'm well. You'll see in a moment."

Momma called for Daddy and he entered the hallway, smoking his pipe.

"Dear, Clay wants to talk to us in private, so let's go into the formal living room. I've sent everyone to detail marble."

We entered the formal living room and sat down. Momma and Daddy were both staring at me. Concern was written all over their faces and they were obviously waiting for me to speak. I looked at Jason, who appeared a bit white with anticipation regarding the response they would have. It's the first time he appeared to be nervous in my presence. I couldn't keep them waiting any longer. I reached over and grabbed Jason's hands, which seemed to provide him with a sense of comfort. I took a deep breath and just spit it out.

"Jason and I are in a relationship," I announced.

Momma and Daddy looked at one another and they grabbed their hands, then Daddy stood up and assisted Momma to her feet. They were silent and I wasn't prepared for that, then Daddy smiled, which provided me with immediate relief. Daddy and Momma walked toward us. I was still squeezing Jason's hands.

Daddy extended his hand to Jason and he stood up.

"Welcome to our family, son. Treat him well, he's all we have. Watch over him, and protect him, and we'll be forever in your debt," Daddy said matter-of-factly. "This calls for celebration!"

Momma kissed me on the cheek, "Congratulations honey, he's handsome," she whispered in my ear. Then she walked to Jason and grabbed the sides of his face. "Welcome. We're so happy for you both. I'll make an announcement tonight. Oh! What are you two going to wear?" She was already over exaggerating. I had to try to rein her in.

"Momma. You don't have to make a big deal about this. I need to talk to Kyle first. He and Coraline will be here at five."

"I guess we need to get going then. Oh, this is so exciting!" She was acting like I had just announced an engagement, but I guess it is as big to her as it is to me – my first real relationship.

Momma rushed out of the room. "Well, that went well," I said to Jason and Daddy.

"You knew she would do this, honey. Everything has to be her way. Give in, humor her," Daddy said.

"Okay," I said. "Jason, I told you. You're in for it. We should follow Momma."

He laughed and grabbed my hand and we walked to the front. Momma had already had the car brought around and Jeffrey was waiting, holding the door open to the Rolls Royce. Jason looked over the outer details of the car.

"Nice," he said to Jeffrey.

"Yeah, it's one of my favorites," Jeffrey responded.

When we were buckled in, Momma told Jeffrey to take us to Momma's favorite clothing store, Kitty's on the Square, downtown. As we rode, Momma pointed out the neighbors and gave Jason the gossip to fill him in on scandals within the neighborhoods, family feuds, affairs, and the normal stuff. Jason seemed to be soaking it all in and smiling at me every at every glance he stole. Momma pointed out some sights and made mention of those that he would have to visit given more time, and restaurants we must take in while we were in town. None, of course, were new to me. I'd been a patron for years.

When we passed a historic castle, a major tourist attraction, Momma began to talk of my childhood. It took her longer to go there than I expected. I tried to hush her, but she wouldn't have it.

"That castle, Clay always said he would be married in it, at the tallest tower. You see it, right over there, that's the tower," Momma was pointing to the south tower.

It had always reminded me of a fairytale and I fantasized about being a prince trapped in there for eternity and only a prince could release me from the powers that held me captive within. Just like any little girl or any little gay boy.

"It's magnificent. I've never seen a castle before." Jason marveled at the sight. His joy filled my heart. "You can tour that thing?"

"Yes," I said. "We can visit it sometime. That's a special place for me, so we can do it when the time is right." I winked at Jason and he shook his head in agreement.

Momma patted his knee, which Jason seemed to approve of. It was wonderful to see that she was already so accepting and warm to him, but I knew she'd take to him, like a bee to honey. When we pulled up to the front of Kitty's, Momma told Jeffrey not to bother, and to not tell Daddy. Daddy is a gentleman and he thinks Momma should never have to operate a doorknob. A gentle soul he is.

We entered the double French doors of the modern shop, and Kitty called out from the loft above.

"Clay! Layla! Come up, come up. I have a dress waiting for you my dear!" Kitty said.

She was as southern bubbly and as full figured as ever, her brown hair tied up in a bun and pearls galore. We made it to the top of the loft steps and Kitty came around with a black designer dress bag. "Here we are!" She announced.

When she unzipped the black bag, Momma threw her hand over her mouth and gasped.

"It's even more beautiful in person. Oh, Kitty, it's perfect for the gala tonight! We have a special surprise in store," she gloated.

"Oh, really? I can't wait," I said.

Kitty removed a burnt orange and black beaded Catoure cocktail dress. The lights caught the beads, and the dress was truly stunning. Momma had made another amazing decision. The breast line was low cut, surely to show off her perfect physique. Momma is only 40, and as she ages, she becomes more beautiful, naturally. I am spitting image of my mother everyone says, minus obvious subtleties. I took those comments as the utmost compliments. Momma was Ms. Georgia a couple of years before I was born, a well-deserved title. I would often watch the pageant over and over. Her stunning beauty mesmerized me as a child, just as is does today.

"Momma, you're going to look stellar! The gown is beautiful. It's the best yet!" I boasted.

"Thank you, baby. I loved it the moment I saw it. It had to have a few tweaks, but knew that the design was for me. Now for your surprise," she said.

"Oh, yes, yes..." Kitty said as made her way back to the holding closet.

"Here you are, precious," said Kitty. She held before me a black designer bag, and then she slowly unzipped the zipper.

She held before me a burnt orange Guiltier beaded dog-collar shirt, which would be perfectly matched with a black tux. I knew what Momma had done. She had ordered a matching shirt for her cocktail dress, and she also ordered Daddy one that slightly contrasted, and I was right. Kitty brought out another black back and it contained a shirt for Daddy, an orange and auburn shirt, the perfect contrast to the burnt orange in our colors.

Now, all we had left to do was suit up Jason, which won't be hard considering he'd look great in anything. Following the theme, Kitty and Momma decided upon a black tux for Jason.

"There's no time for huge alterations, but hopefully we have one that will work," Kitty said.

She thumbed through her inventory list, and started spouting out sizes. Jason just looked at her in amazement.

"You're right on, how do you do that?" he asked.

"I've been doing this a long time, dear. Aha! I have it in stock. I'll be right back." Kitty disappeared into the back. When she remerged, she was holding two black bags. "Try these on right in there," she pointed to the dressing room as she handed Jason the garments. Jason went into the dressing room and when he came out, Momma and Kitty gasped. He stood before us in the black slacks, no shirt and the jacket splayed open with his hand in one pocket. His muscles looked even more defined in the black jacket.

"Wow," Momma whispered to me. "He's hot. I've taught you well," she said with a smirk.

"I know," I whispered back.

Jason looked stunning. Momma and Kitty were too mesmerized by his muscles to inspect the clothing for proper fit, so I walked over to him for a closer assessment. I ran my hands over both shoulders, perfect.

"Hold your hands out to the side, babe." He did. "Good length, the sleeves are not too long. Turn, please." He spun around slowly. "Looks good, take off the jacket," figured I'd give the ladies a show. He took the jacket off. Damn he's fine! The slacks fit him well in the waist and the length. His perfectly round ass was outlined well. His bulge hearty, but there's nothing we can do about that. He'll just garner a few more stares.

"Are you satisfied?" Jason asked.

"Yep, it fits perfectly." I turned to Momma and Kitty, "No alterations needed at all."

"Oh, splendid!" Kitty boasted. "I don't have any other shirts that would match y'alls, but I do have a silver one that'll look wonderful."

"That'll work," Jason said, and I added, "Size 13 shoes also, please. Oh, and Black Onyx in Platinum cufflinks from Jim's, please."

I smacked his ass as he walked back into the dressing room to put his normal clothes back on. As hot as he looked, I was tempted to follow him in there, but refrained. I could tell Jason's mind drifted there also, because he gave me a wicked grin. Momma handed her American Express to Kitty and asked her to bag it all up, and then she called Jeffrey to assist with loading the goods. Jason came out the dressing room and we headed down the stairs.

"Do we need to help your Mom?" Jason asked.

"She has plenty of practice signing her name," I joked. "No, Kitty will load everything on a garment rack and send it down in the elevator, and then Jeffrey will load it. I wanna show you something."

I lead him out the front door and to the side of the building, into a dark breezeway that was empty.

"What could possibly be in this breezeway that you want to show me?"

I grabbed him roughly and pushed his back to the brick wall. "Whoa," he exclaimed and I hushed him with my mouth, my tongue met his. Then he had me pushed against the opposite wall and he lifted me, holding my ass. We were breathless and panting. He looked so hot upstairs I couldn't wait another moment to feel him, to taste him. We caught our breath and looked into one another's eyes. I kissed his lips again softly. "We should go," I said.

"You're cruel," he scorned, and I laughed.

He sat me down and we hurried back into the light. Momma and Jeffrey were walking out the door.

"You two look guilty," Momma said. Of course we did, our lips had to be slightly puffy from the roughness of our kiss.

"No, not me," I replied and batted my eyes. She laughed. "Okay, let's go. Is there anywhere else you'd like to go?" Momma asked.

"No. We may come out and play later. Right now, I need to prepare for Kyle and Coraline." Butterflies formed inside me immediately. Momma and Jason just looked the other way. We were all avoiding that conversation.

On the way back home, Momma continued to point out historical landmarks and more gossip. Jason hung on her every word, which she loved. If Jason continued like this, he'd have her wrapped around his little finger. My assessment is that he is already well on his way to achieving that, and he doesn't even realize it. I don't think Jason got a word in edgewise other than to utter his interest in or agreement with whatever Momma said. None of her words was news to me, but it offered a much needed diversion from dwelling on Kyle's and Coraline's impending visit.

I was both dreading and anticipating clearing the air. I felt like I was keeping a secret from him, as ridiculous as it is. I just wanted the conversation to end. Would I have a chance to speak to him alone? Would Coraline want to be hanging on my every word to him? Would she act possessive and jealous? Am I overreacting? Somehow, I knew I was. When we entered the gate, an unfamiliar car was parked in the circle. I had no idea what they drove down. Could they be here this early? So unlike Kyle.

I felt like I was going to throw up when Kyle walked out the front door, and Coraline bounced right behind him waving and smiling at the vehicle.

"Oh, she seems cheerful," Momma noted.

"Yes, yes she does," I muttered incredulously. She needs an Ativan, and so do I. Kyle was also smiling and had his hand up waving, then his smile faded and his hand stopped mid-wave. I could tell he was straining to see who was sitting beside me. Kyle didn't look mad, but he appeared confused. Jeffrey parked the car and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I opened the door without waiting for Jeffrey. I got out of the car and walked up to Kyle and gave him a hug, and then gave Coraline a hug as well.

"Welcome! I'm so glad you two had a safe trip!" I gloated. Fake as hell. I was trembling.

"Killer crib, man," Coraline said.

"Thanks," I said.

Jason and Momma walked up behind me. Kyle smiled at Momma and gave her a hug.

"Oh, Kyle! It is wonderful to see you." Momma turned her attention to Coraline. "You must be the lovely Coraline that Clay has told me so much about."

"Yes, ma'am. I am Coraline. You have a lovely home."

"Well, thank you dear. Have you met my husband?" she asked.

"Yes. He met us at the door when we got here," Kyle answered. He put his arm around her shoulder.

"Well, it's wonderful to meet you. You kids make yourselves at home. I have a ton to do before our guests arrive," Momma said as she went inside.

The air was brisk, but my face felt hot. I introduced Jason to Coraline, and Coraline to Jason. They shook hands and exchanged greetings. Kyle didn't appear amused.

"Jason, how are you, buddy?" Kyle asked.

"Very well. Very well. Thanks. How are you?" Jason asked.

"Just fine. So, Clay dragged you down to the south, huh?"

"Yes. He insisted I should not be alone on a holiday. I couldn't say no to him," Jason said and he smiled at me.

"Kyle, walk with me. I need to talk to you for a few minutes. Coraline, do you mind?" I asked.

"No, I don't mind at all. Go catch up, and Jason and I will get to know one another. Inside though, I'm freezing!"

Jason winked at me and went inside with Coraline. I smiled at them as they disappeared behind the door.

"So, you and Jason, eh?" Kyle blurted.

"Yes. We just made it official. We told Momma and Daddy this morning."

"Good for you two," he sounded less chipper than ever. His words didn't match his tone at all. His face looked torn between hurt, disappointment, and relief. How is that even humanly possible?

"It just happened," I said. We walked to the side of the house and through the stone garden. "I wasn't looking for it, it just found me unexpectedly. I gave in. I knew that I couldn't wait on you forever. You seem so happy with her that I knew I was wasting my time and my hopes diminished."

"I am happy for you. I just wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't prepared at all." He didn't look at me. My emotions were on high, and I felt the sting in both my eyes. "Don't cry, Clay. I'm sorry, I am being a jerk. I had to expect this sooner or later."

Kyle grabbed me and gave me a hug. My tears stopped instantly. "Thank you, Kyle. I do love you, and I always will. I just need you to extend me the same opportunity I gave to you."

Kyle grabbed the sides of my face and kissed my forehead. Damn I missed his lips. "I will...I will, Clay. I'll be nice. He better be good to you, or I'll kick his ass," he warned.

"He has been more than good to me, more than I deserve. Without him, I'm not sure where I would've ended up after you and Coraline."

Kyle looked at me and his beautiful emerald eyes looked pained, but I couldn't allow myself to focus on that. He hurt me, but it all seemed to fade as I was standing before him. His presence changed me, as it always did. I released him and he released me and I turned to walk away. Kyle grabbed my hand to stop me, and I let my hand slip out of his and continued walking toward the front of the house, I couldn't chance a moment of weakness. Kyle followed silently.

"Are we good?" I asked him.

"Of course, we're good, and we'll stay that way," he replied.

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise." Kyle smiled my smile and I nearly dropped to my knees. I would have to get over this. Kyle knew he had affected me, and gave me a wicked grin. I had no idea how to move past this, but knew I must do so soon - I could not hurt Jason.

We walked in and were immediately greeted by Jason and Coraline, who were sitting in the foyer on a Queen Anne bench.

"Hey!" Coraline exclaimed and ran up to Kyle and they kissed.

I turned my head. I felt acid in my throat immediately as I tried to keep from spewing on the floor. Jason walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He knew immediately the sight had appalled me, and I felt guilty. He must loathe him. He must have a hard time with all of this. I forced myself to look in Jason's eyes. He winked and smiled at me and mouthed its okay. I don't deserve him. Anyone else would probably run away from my baggage, not hold it and claim it. He snuggled my face to his chest to hide my disgust from them.

I gained composure as the acid receded. I kissed Jason's chest and then looked up at his still compassionate sapphire eyes.

"So, what are we up for?" Coraline asked cheerfully.

"Well. I thought after Jason and I make our appearance at the charity ball tonight, we could all go out to a club, dinner, whatever it is that you all would like to do," I replied, and attempted to sound upbeat, and hoped I succeeded.

"Oh, Kyle, is this the ball your parents are attending tonight?" Coraline asked.

"Yep, this is the one," he answered.

The Turners came every year. They are close friends of my parents, and although they don't have money to donate, they are always the life of the party.

"What charity does the ball benefit, Clay?" Coraline asked.

"Clay's Home. It is a shelter for battered woman and children, and recently expanded to a homeless shelter. My parent's started it when I was young, at my request. I went to school with a girl who always had bruises, and when I told my parents about her, they reacted. It turned out that the little girl was being beaten by her stepfather and mother on a daily basis. The authorities indicated that she most likely wouldn't have survived much longer given the conditions of her home. Today, that little girl is a volunteer and working on her Master's Degree in Psychology. She wants to be a counselor at Clay's House."

"That is amazing, Clay," Coraline said.

"That's a beautiful story baby," Jason said. Kyle's eyes hardened. I pretended I didn't notice.

"Thank you. This year, our goal is to raise 250 thousand dollars. We'll see."

"That is a lot of money," Coraline said.

"Yeah, it is, but it's doable," I said with more confidence than necessary.

"If they don't raise it all tonight, Clay's parents will write a check to make his goal," Kyle said. It annoyed me.

"Oh, wow. That's generous of them," Coraline stated. She looked around the foyer, "Well, they can certainly afford it. You have it made here, Clay."

I became more annoyed. I hated this conversation. I didn't acknowledge the remark with a response. Jason's muscles tensed, he could tell that I wasn't amused.

"Let's go for a swim," Kyle suggested.

"It's 50 degrees outside," Coraline said.

"Indoors, and it's heated," Jason pointed out.

"Oh, of course it is. Cool, let's go," Coraline said.

We walked to the side of the stairs and Kyle pointed to the wall and I shook my head indicating my resistance. I didn't want that exposed to her. Her demeanor inside my home was making me feel uncomfortable. She eyeballed everything in her sight carefully, unlike anyone I'd ever met that was unfamiliar to the lifestyle in which I was accustomed. I was slowly becoming untrusting of her. She continued to make comments about the "mansion" and how lucky I am. One comment was enough, but she ceased to silence them, which made me progressively irritable. I found her comments to be odd, and somehow, I felt a sense of malice. Kyle even seemed taken aback by all of her comments and intervened.

"Coraline...we get it. You love the house," Kyle stated and made a cut throat motion, indicating to cut it out.

"Oh, goodness. I'm sorry guys. I've never been in such a nice place. The closest I've ever been to this type of luxury was at The Hilton."

I immediately felt awful for having judged her. I wondered if it was the same Hilton. Did he carryover our traditions to his relationship with her? I cringed at the thought, and vowed I wouldn't do the same.

The pool room smelled lightly of chlorine and crisp water. None of us were dressed for the pool. I made a bold move. I took off my shirt and unbuckled my belt and let the slacks drop to the floor. I stood wearing only my black bikini-briefs. All eyes were on me, and Kyle subtly put his hand over his crotch and turned his head. Jason smacked my ass and Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Nice body, Clay," Coraline said.

"Thanks." I smiled and kicked off my shoes and slacks. After pulling off my socks, I dove head first into the water. The water was perfectly lukewarm. I had set the trend. Everyone stripped to their underwear. Jason's generous package outlined in green bikinis received more attention than I cared for. Kyle even peaked, although I'm sure they're used to seeing one another this way, because of soccer. Kyle was wearing red boxers, and Coraline matching black bra and skimpy panties. Her body is tight and toned.

We frolicked for about 15 minutes before I was over it, and my fingertips were pruned. As I walked up the steps, all three whistled at me. I turned and posed, the air was cool on my wet skin. After another round of whistles, I ran to the rack and grabbed a robe. Then I heard Kyle yell "Peach." I instinctively replied with an acknowledgment.

When I turned around, Kyle was looking at Coraline, who was looking at me, obviously confused by my responding. Kyle was talking to Coraline, not to me. How could he call her my pet name? She can't be Peach. I felt all the oxygen in the room dissipate. I couldn't breathe. I felt nauseous. My eyes stung. Jason climbed out of the pool at the side and grabbed me. I was clearly in shock.

"What's wrong?" Jason whispered.

"I'm fine," I lied. Although I was far from fine. "I thought Kyle said something to me," I said loud enough for them to hear also, hoping to clear the air as I had realized I could've just revealed our secret. I wasn't prepared for this. Not prepared at all.

I managed to make eye contact with Kyle, his eyes appeared sorry. He knew he fucked up. Peach in that moment became worthless to me, as if it had never had meaning. I didn't know his premise for calling me Peach, but I did know that it was mine, was being the operative word. I wanted to scream at him, to ask why, and to cry. Perhaps moving past him may be easier than I initially thought. He was giving me reasons to not care. Was this his plan? Coraline began to laugh and splash around.

"Look at them two, Kyle, aren't they the cutest?" Coraline said. I wanted Kyle to answer.

"Yeah, they are a pretty hot couple," he answered without hesitation and kissed her mouth. Again the acid stifled my throat.

"Thanks guys," Jason said to them as he kissed my cheek, his lips soft and luscious against my skin. His public displays have no boundaries, no shame.

There were hints of jealousy on Kyle's face as he watched Jason indiscreetly console me, while Coraline was clinging to his body, her back facing me, and Jason's facing them. I looked sensitively into his eyes, as did he mine, and I sent him a silent acceptance of the apology his eyes had just bestowed upon mine. The mood was lightened, and the atmosphere in the room for me changed. I was over it instantly. Peach must be what he'll call all of his lovers. Suddenly, I felt less extraordinary to him, and perhaps it was for the best, but the realization made my heart stop dead in its tracks. Jason's handsome face immediately reined me back in, back to him. I felt terrible for him and how this was most likely making him feel.

"Are you guys going to keep swimming? I'm famished. Dinner will be ready in just a bit," I announced.

Jason swept me off my feet, and whispered "I'm starving." The hunger in his eyes indicated to me it wasn't food he craved.

"Yeah, just for a few. We'll be out in a minute, you guys can go ahead," Kyle urged.

I couldn't imagine why. Coraline more or less had his member shoved in her already, or at least that was what her current position suggested, and I envied her, despite my growing love and desire for the strong arms that held me above the floor and the man that helped me escape the darkness of the lonely nights.

Chapter 17

After the pool incident, and now faced with Jason alone in my bedroom, I felt like I needed to apologize, and fall to my knees and ask for forgiveness. I knew he wouldn't want that, and I also recognized that he was well aware of the emotional battle I would encompass while overcoming the life changing alterations that were unfolding before our eyes. But he was willing to face it with me, and I knew that. And without a word he unrobed me, and then his robe hit the floor as well. He got on his knees and slid my wet underwear down, then immediately took all of me into his mouth.

The heat of his mouth warmed me, and I felt myself swell as he slid my growing cock further down his throat. He grabbed my ass and forced every inch down his throat. He gagged once, which scraped me and I winced, but he continued without reluctance. I grabbed his hair and shoved his face harder into my groin. His hot and wet mouth was marvelous, and on the brink of explosion, I pulled it out, but he grabbed my cock and shoved it back in and rimmed the head and then descended my shaft again. I moaned and panted, and then he swallowed the load that hit the back of his throat without a grimace. This was completely unlike his slow love making the night before. He was wild and untamed giving me the best blow job I'd ever gotten. Yeah, he trumped what I thought had been perfection.

I peered down at him with what I could imagine the biggest smile I'd ever displayed. I was satisfied in every sense of the meaning. I'd never gotten off that fast, it must've been two or three minutes, which kind of embarrassed me. He rose up, towering over me. He leaned down and kissed me quickly and softly.

"I'll help you past this, and you'll see that your longings will be for me only, I have mad skills," he said very seriously.

"Yes, yes, you do," I agreed. I pulled up my underwear and felt the need for a shower. I knelt to my knees to return the favor, but he pulled me back up.

"My treat. Next time," he said and donned his brilliant smile, which melted my heart. The way he made me feel was a good sign of moving on.

I hoped he was right. I just wished there were an easier way to suppress emotions. I wanted a resolution as bad as he wanted one for me, but I knew that time and replacing my routines that involved Kyle with Jason, and forming new routines would be the only way.

"I've made considerable progress, thanks to you," I said.

"Yeah. You have. Just don't go boggling your mind about how I am through all this. I am quite capable of handling your emotions, because I understand them. I can't say that I won't feel jealous, but I can promise I won't hold your feelings against you. Just don't give in to him if he attempts to seduce you, now, that I'll take issue with." Again, he was so very serious.

"He knows my bottom line. I would never hurt you like that. Trust me," I pleaded.

"I do. I just don't trust him. He still looks at you like you're a piece of meat, you know. It makes me sick. I'll be cordial for you though." His words rang true, but they still stung.

"I know, I've noticed. Let's get dressed for dinner," I requested and walked into the closet.

"What should I wear?"

"Oh, geez. You're gonna take some work," I said and we both laughed. "Wear your sexy jeans and I'll get you a shirt. Regular dinner is informal around here; however, the food is far from informal. You know what fork is for what, right?"

"Well...I don't reckon I know'd there'd be differ'nt forks," he said, attempting to sound as Southern as they come. It was cute, and I giggled and rolled my eyes. "Of course, I'm not completely etiquette illiterate."

"I'm just asking, otherwise I'd give you the spill I give others, make your way..." He cut me off.

"Outside to the inside," he said.

I pecked him on the lips and removed his shirt for him, and gently outlined his nipples with my fingertips. His skin was solid and warm. He took in a deep breath and swung his head back. "You are so fucking bad," he whispered and grabbed my hands, holding them still while he kissed me softly.

When he released me, I thumbed through the white section of button-ups. I tossed him a shirt on a hanger, "Try this one on." He looked at the label, shook his head, and slid one arm at a time into the shirt. It fit him perfectly in the shoulders, which surprised me at first, and then as he buttoned the shirt from the bottom up, which I thought was odd - I realized I had bought the shirt for Kyle. It fits Jason well. Then I began to wonder what the hell else we were surrounded by that I had bought for him.

"You look amazing," I said.

"Thanks."

I threw on a pair of Calvin Klein jeans and a tan ribbed sweater, and slipped on black loafers. He seems to love everything I wrap around my body, because he whistled yet again.

We entered the informal dining room where Coraline, Kyle, Momma, and Daddy awaited us. After apologizing for keeping them waiting, we sat. Our salads waited. After we had consumed the five-course meal, had heard countless jokes from around the table, and numerous compliments about each course, we all excused ourselves to ready for the ball. Kyle and Coraline left to get ready and at his house. Surprisingly, I didn't think too ill of Coraline or about Kyle throughout dinner. Jason had helped considerably with the hotness that transpired prior to dinner.

Momma insisted upon Jason and I readying in separate rooms. She wanted us to enter the ball when she announced our togetherness and introduced her new friend to her elite friends on the double stairway, meet in the middle and descend the final steps together - something straight out of Beauty and the Beast. We both obliged although I could tell he thought it was as silly as I did, because after all, this was her night, and her ball. I was excited about seeing Jason dressed like Ken, or at least that is how I pictured he would look. I was anxious to see him. His stunning sapphire eyes would be enticing against the silver and black.

I could hear the crowds forming in the ballroom. I imagined the same old cliques forming within some of the other rooms, and Momma fluttering about in her social butterfly way, ensuring to express her gratitude for each and every guest's appearance. She warmed my heart. Daddy would no doubt be in the gentlemen's lounge with his cigar and fellow connoisseurs of fine tobacco. Butterflies formed in my stomach. As much as I am used to being around all of the people on the floor below me, I couldn't shake the nervousness of how they would react to Momma's big news.

I know Momma has something up her sleeve, aside the announcement, that is. She has a surprise of sorts, but I couldn't imagine what it would be. Each year, with the foundation, she always changes the game a bit. I guess she figures it keeps people interested, and informs contributors that the foundation continues to grow and thrive.

I was assessing my overall look in the full length mirror of my dressing room when Momma called me from the interphone system.

"It's time. You're on the left. Descend, then meet your beau in the center, and wait on the middle rising for me to motion you forward. Oh, and they're here. Mary and the others are gathering everyone in the foyer now. You nervous?"

"A little," I answered.

"Shake it off. Go now, we're all set. I've already called Jason. Wait for me to call your names before you appear at the top of the steps, then descend, but don't forget \- wait at the middle landing. I love you."

"I love you too, Momma."

I hung up the phone and took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly several times. God, I hoped I didn't fall down the stairs. I stole once last glance, satisfied, I walked into the hallway. Across the corridor, I could see Jason standing just outside of view on the right side of the staircase, staring in my direction. I could already see that he was utterly handsome in his tux. He stood so confidently with his hands perfectly folded at his crotch; his legs spread the perfect length, as if he were standing guard for the queen. He looked like a true prince, and much better than Ken, times ten thousand. As I walked closer, his face come into focus and his brilliant smile melted my heart, propped perfectly by his chiseled chin. I could feel love exuding from him. I smiled widely and gave him two thumbs up. I stopped just before the stairs, out of sight, just as Momma had directed. I could hardly take my eyes off of him, but Momma started to address the 100 people that stood in the massive foyer.

Stealing a glimpse, I saw Momma standing dead center on the bottom platform of the stairs in her beautiful gown. She looked stunning. Then Momma began to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, friends of the DeVero's, welcome to our humble home, and welcome to our annual Clay's House Fundraiser and ball. I am so pleased you all could make it. As you know, we're embarking upon our third year in existence, and as the seasons pass, we continue to make it our mission to provide quality supports and services to the beautiful women and children who need assistance to break free from their current environments. It is our intention to continue to provide top notch services at Clay's House, not only to cater to their individual needs, but to invite all into our hearts. We have had the pleasure of meeting extraordinary people over the years, and have empowered so many women..."

Momma continued to present her eloquent speech regarding our mission statement, and tears formed in my eyes. I looked over at Jason just as a tear escaped my eye, and I smiled at him while batting the tear away with my finger. He blew me a kiss from across the room, and I caught it, closed my hand and placed it over my heart. He smiled widely, and then I turned my attention back to Momma's beautiful words.

"As we continue to learn and grow, we learn that we must embrace and champion changing cultures and diversities. That said, with more words of wisdom, I'd like to welcome my beautiful son, Clayton, to join me. Along with Clayton, his beau will be joining us this evening." There was a small reaction of mumbles in the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Jason McClain." There was a small clap below us, and a few hoots, one of which was Kyle – there was no mistaking his cheer call.

I grabbed the handrail on the left side and descended the stairs, Jason matched my slow pace. I had my head down watching the steps until I knew I was in plain sight of everyone below. I glanced at the crowd and continued to descend, then looked over at Jason, who waved once into the crowd and then he sped up his descent. The crowd's applause grew louder. I wasn't sure if I was smiling or not, but I thought I was. I was suddenly terrified of what the crowd was thinking. Before I knew it, Jason was at the bottom of the stairs, with his hand extended to me. He must've recognized my slow pace as reluctance or he was afraid I'd pass out because he'd grown to learn that I didn't do crowds staring at me well. Jason wasn't looking at the crowd; his eyes were on me, smiling brilliantly. I extended my hand during the final few steps and took Jason's. He immediately formed us so that he was escorting me toward Momma. As we walked to the center, he whispered, "Smile. They're all here to see you." I obeyed. In my own fear, I hadn't realized that the crowd was thunderous at this point in their applause, which faded my fears. I knew they must've been clapping for the unity. They didn't appear negatively affected at all. Everyone in the crowd was smiling, even if some were fake. I wondered how Kyle felt and then dismissed thoughts of him instantly. This wasn't the time for an incredulous face.

Momma greeted us with open arms and hugged us as one. Daddy joined her, and the crowd became louder. We all waved as if we were a royal family. Jason leaned into me and whispered, "Good job, you're beautiful when you don't fidget." It was as if he had to teach me how to be proper. Rather ironic.

I swallowed my nerves and gave him a quick glance, then turned my attention to Momma, wondering what it was that she expected me to speak about unprepared.

"Ladies and gentlemen, my son has been volunteering at an organization in Washington that promotes equality for gays, bisexuals, lesbians, and transgendered." There was a stir in the crowd, but it was excited anticipation, then she continued. "Being the proud parents we are we'd like to support Clay's efforts to extend his helping hand. To tell you more of the organization, is Clay."

I nervously cleared my throat and Jason squeezed my hand. Nothing like being unprepared.

"Welcome everyone. I hope you're having a wonderful evening thus far. As my beautiful mother has so eloquently introduced, I have been volunteering at an organization called Speak Out Now. An organization that provides supports and services in the areas of counseling, testing, education resources, shelter, food, as well as an array of other services. Completely nonprofit, the organization's mission is to also raise awareness of inequalities suffered by this unique population around the world varying from marriage, discrimination in the workplace, and the list goes on. I have discovered that I've been blind to the issues that they work so diligently to combat. More alarming to me is the suicide rates of those under the age of 18, who never see their life to fruition. All of those firefighters, nurses, doctors, police officers, and teachers they pretended they were as kids and wanted to be, never even entering adulthood to have the chance to fulfill their childhood dreams, all because they felt they'd never be able to in their current societies, and couldn't see the world outside them. It's time for that to change. Times are changing...slowly, but not fast enough to stop this senselessness."

The room grew silent, and they were hanging on my every word. Some were even shedding tears that surprised me. I was only speaking from what I'd learned from others, their pain...pain in which I was fortunate to never experience. The reality saddened me. All the time I had spent volunteering, I hadn't gotten it...I hadn't really felt their pain until I spoke from their experiences. An epiphany dawned upon me, and I knew why Momma had brought it up, she recognized my desire to make a difference.

"Clay's Home will be working closely with the national organization in hopes to provide these services in other areas, and expand their current facilities. Currently they can only house approximately fifteen persons per night, and the therapies have been limited even further to between five and six persons because the funds to support this growing population is scarce. We must let them know that love is on the way." I stepped back to signify I had concluded by spiel.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as we socialize, sip our fine wines and champagnes, nibble on hors d'oeuvres, and let us be reminded of our gifts and privileges so that we may open our hearts, and wallets,"Momma giggled, "to a well deserving cause."

Momma raised her glass to the crowd and cheered the crowd. There was thunderous applause. Momma, Daddy, Jason, and I formed a line and smiled, as if we were the Kennedy's, then walked down the stairs and joined the other guests. I was relieved to be off the platform, and mostly the spotlight. Jason pulled me aside.

"You were amazing, and beautiful. You weren't fidgeting at all," Jason complimented and then touched my lips with his finger. I gently kissed it.

"Wow!" Coraline exclaimed, "You were great, Clay. Looking at all these diamonds, you're bound to make your mark!" she said as she peered around the room.

"Thanks, Coraline. I hope you're right."

Kyle was silently by her side smiling and then echoed the sentiment.

"There's nothing Clay can't do," Jason bragged.

Kyle cut his eyes. I could tell that he really wasn't prepared for the shoe to be on the other foot. I didn't know how to feel about the thought.

After hours of socializing, and countless hugs and catch-up sessions, I had had enough of mixed perfumes, bright red lipstick, Prada, Versace, and Chanel. Kyle and Coraline had left an hour before and heard tell of him taking her to a local pub for drinks, apparently she doesn't have champagne taste and felt increasingly uncomfortable being surrounded by wealth, either that or she was too tempted to pick-pocket. I hated myself for thinking it instantly. I had to slip away.

I walked to the chef's kitchen and slipped through the glass French door and into the herb greenhouse. The aroma of fresh basil, rosemary, thyme, and oregano filled my senses. I walked over to the lavender and savored the calming aroma. My mind flooded with thoughts, this relief was what I sought. I heard soft footsteps behind me and knew immediately I had been found. Chanel now overpowered the lavender. Jason's soft hands wrapped around my midsection and he drew me near. My back was against his toned chest as he kissed my forehead.

"Mary thought you'd be here," he whispered and turned to look into his eyes. "This has been a lovely evening."

"It has." I stared into his sapphires and my heart fluttered. The sparkle in his eyes was so genuine, so bright, I thought I'd melt.

He ran his fingertips from my chin up my jaw line, "You're so beautiful," he whispered as his lips met mine. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve him, but was thankful he was by my side.

"Thank you," I whispered back, "You're so handsome." I placed my fingertips on his face and then gently ran them down his neck. He moaned slightly.

"We should go, or I won't be able to control myself. You're making me weak," he smiled down at me and I smiled my million dollar smile.

"That's not fair," his lips crushed mine and he drew back immediately and turned toward the door, holding my hand and leading me out of the greenhouse.

We strode through the ballroom, my hand locked in his. We must've looked like elementary lovers. I didn't care. Everyone smiled as we continued through and into the Grand room where one of the guests, Mr. Piles, was playing the piano, a lovely melodic tune I knew well. Some people were barely audible, but feebly attempting to sing the song, others humming, some in key, and others not so much. Momma watched us enter. She and her lovely gown were draped on the edge of a barstool near the piano; she immediately perked up and waved us over and we obliged. I knew what was coming...

"Mr. Piles?" Momma asked, "Could you please play..." she leaned in and whispered a song into his ear. "My baby, my son, do Momma a favor?"

"Of course, Momma. Anything for you."

Momma nodded at Mr. Piles and his fingers began to slide over the keys and I immediately knew the song Momma had requested he play, and that I sing. Jason squeezed my hand, then I realized he'd never heard me sing before, and I was immediately intimidated, but knew the song choice was perfect for he and I, and Momma knew that too, which is why she'd requested it. Sly devil she is. The funny thing is, I had heard this song the other day and it immediately reminded me of Jason. Reba McEntire's I'll Be. From the first lyric that came from my mouth, "When darkness falls upon your heart and soul, I'll be the light that shines for you..." I looked at Jason, now both our hands were locked in one another's and Jason had tears forming in the corner of his eyes. By the time I sang the first chorus and second verse, Daddy had joined Momma and handed Jason a tissue, which he allowed to rest on his arm where Daddy had laid it. His hands never left mine, nor did his eyes stray from mine. By the time I had neared the last chorus, I too had freefalling tears from my eyes. It was a beautiful sensation. Warmth filled me. In that moment, I knew I loved him intensely. A love that was different than with Kyle. A love not comparable to him, a feeling that was new to me, and I didn't comprehend how. On the final note, almost a whisper with falsetto, I raised his hands to my lips and kissed each gently, then lowered and held them to my heart.

I had all but drowned out the entire crowd, and ignored the deafening applause that was rampant all around us. Momma was patting the corners of her eyes with the tissue Daddy had handed her. Jason shook his head in what appeared to be amazement.

"I had no idea you could sing, you're simply amazing, and that was the most beautiful song I've ever heard. I am so incredibly blessed to be standing before you, and on the other end of that beautiful serenade. I love you, Mr. DeVero, and I promise... I'll be." He blotted my eyes with his tissue and then wiped his own eyes. Looking at me, clearly anticipating a response, as was the rest of the room, but I didn't care about them in that moment. My focus was only on Jason.

"Mr. Jason McClain," tears still falling, "I...I am standing before you because you lifted me up and allowed me to stand back on my feet, which I thought may be impossible for a while." There was a small murmur in the crowd, knowing I had clearly confused them. "I love you more, Jason, and I'll be..."

Saying the phrase aloud was much easier than I had originally thought it would be. It rolled off my tongue as naturally as my name. I was elated, he was elated, and as if the crowd was nonexistent, he drew me in for a hug. Time seemed to stand still, and all others were in a haze of hues and they were spinning like they were caught in a whirlwind. I felt like the prince had just rescued me, and now I was forever indebted to him for his nobility and gallantry, and was more than willing to uphold that commitment.

Chapter 18

The week had all but flown by as I reluctantly packed our bags to head back to D.C. Thanksgiving dinner had been simply delectable, and Jason had bonded with my parents as if he had been a long lost companion. I wanted to stay home, but this inner-battle ensued each time I had to leave. At least this time, I wasn't heading back completely alone, and had something more to look forward to than lies and discreetness. Although time would be limited considering Jason's internship with the F.B.I. was going to increase, we resolved to make as much time for one another as possible.

Appears crime rates are higher during the holiday season, and they needed all hands on deck, but Jason loves his studies and he's damn good, or at least his grades suggested so. His being a senior, I also soon had to deal with the fact that unless he pursued his Masters, I'd be headed to classes alone. At least I could move off campus, which excited me greatly. I longed for more space and for the amenities I'd sacrificed over the year.

"You're in deep thought, baby. You okay?" Jason asked as he stepped out of the bathroom in a robe towel drying his hair.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just really hate leaving. No worries, this is normal." I sighed and glanced around the room.

"I can see as to how all of this and your parents are difficult to leave behind."

"Yeah. Only a bit longer, and then I can at least get a studio apartment or a small house. More space, although I've grown comfortable in my dorm."

"Ha! I hardly doubt you've ever been completely comfortable in your dorm, it's the size of your bathroom here," he joked.

"You're silly. I have been comfortable, especially when I'm wrapped in your arms."

Jason walked up to me and kissed my lips, "Me too." With a smile and a wink, he walked back into the bathroom. Another quick glance and I continued to pack.

I had avoided going to the pool house. I don't think I ever could and thought about asking Momma to have it completely renovated, so those memories would not surface easily at pure sight. Rash, perhaps, but I didn't want a chance of emotional relapse. Kyle and Coraline had not been around much during the week, and although it offended me, I was also relieved that I didn't have to bout and suppress emotions that would eventually give me away.

This week with Jason had been more than incredible, more than I felt I ever deserved, but he was slowly making me comprehend how much I really didn't deserve to be imprisoned by a relationship that would never be what I wanted, what I expected. He was renewing my self-respect and making me feel significant for just being who I am. I had not wanted to leave his side the rest of the week, so I didn't. I hoped he wasn't feeling suffocated by my near constant presence, but given his verbal and nonverbal language, I knew he was feeling the same. Our bond was solidifying by the day and by the night...well...it was certainly being reinforced by the heat that rose from the passion we both exuded. Soundproof walls were definitely a plus, it meant there were no reservations, nothing was held back. Jason's lovemaking was the most gentle and passionate experiences I've ever had. His body molded to mine and our heartbeats were in sync, a seamless match.

I closed the latch of the suitcase and walked into the closet to search for things I wanted to take back, mostly preorders from the finest designers for the late fall and winter seasons. Momma attended the early fashion shows from across the globe and assured that I would not be deprived of the latest trends. I was thumbing through the selection when his scent came from behind me. His strong arms wrapped around my chest and he pulled me close. I arched my neck and he kissed the nape of my neck in gentle, sweet kisses. An electric pulse ran through my body and I shivered.

"You'll look astonishing in anything you choose," he whispered in my ear.

I turned to face him, "You sure know how to flatter me. I guess I'll have to take it all then."

Jason laughed and I led him out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Momma and Daddy were waiting in the foyer. Momma already looked devastated. Leaving was never easy. If they could move the university to our doorstep, they would.

"Oh, Momma, it's okay. I'll be home in a few weeks for Christmas and New Year's. I'll be able to stay for three weeks."

"I know, I know. I will miss you. It's just so damn hard to watch you leave." Daddy consoled her best he could, but there was no drying her eyes, nor mine.

Jeffrey came down the elevator with our suitcases and Jason insisted upon helping him, so they took them out to the car. I hugged Momma and Daddy, and then they led me out the door. Jason rejoined us on the porch and he shook Daddy's hand and gave Momma a hug.

"It was such a pleasure meeting you and having you here, Jason. You're welcome back anytime, and I hope we'll be seeing you in a few weeks," Momma said.

"The pleasure was mine. I'll be back as long as you'll have me," Jason said and flashed his heart melting smile.

"Take care of my boy, and of you," Daddy said.

"Always," Jason replied.

"Oh, Momma, can you ship me my wardrobe?"

"Of course"

"Thanks. Love you both."

Momma and Daddy echoed their love and I headed to the car. Jeffrey held the door open and with one final round of hugs and a kiss on the cheek, I boarded the car. We were halfway down the driveway before I wiped away the first tear and before Jason had his arms around me snuggling me into his safety. I kept telling myself that it was only a few weeks and I'd be back, but it really didn't help me get past the initial homesickness, which began the moment my back was turned. I laid my head on Jason's shoulder and we rode silently all the way to the airport.

"You okay champ?" Jeffrey asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

"No problem little man, just making sure. You know your Momma will be asking."

"Tell her that I was fine, no tears."

"You know I will," he laughed.

We pulled into the valet and unloaded the car.

"Three weeks little man."

"You got it. See you then."

"Safe flight. Jason, take care and we'll see you soon," Jeffrey said.

"Yep. Be well man, thanks for the lift."

The airport was crowded and stuffy. Just as to be expected. We made our way to check our baggage and then through the seemingly endless security checkpoints, then finally to the gate. There was standing room only. At least we only had to wait thirty minutes before the scheduled takeoff. We stood and people watched. A myriad of languages were slipping from tongues all around us. Jason and I pondered what they were saying to no avail. Jason is fluent in Spanish, and I in French, but we didn't hear either of those languages in the midst.

We boarded the plane and took our plush seats in first class. As I was switching my phone's setting to airplane mode, I read a text I'd missed from Kyle. They were already in D.C. and he wished me a safe flight. I responded and then slid the phone into my carryon.

"Kyle and Coraline made it back."

"Good. They want to hang out Friday. What do you think?" Jason asked.

"I'm fine with it. But, there's something about her I don't trust. I know it's awful, but I can't put my finger on it. And no, it's not because of him, there's just...something."

Jason smiled at me, "I understand it's your intuition. Your gut is telling you something. We don't have to hang out with them at all if you don't want to, I'm fine either way."

"Yeah, I know. I will give it chance for Kyle. He is my best friend after everything is said and done. It's not completely his fault that I was delusional. I'm over it, and I need to let him know that fact. Finding a new normal is going to be the only way to do that. Gosh, I'm sorry. I feel like we talk about this too much."

"You have nothing to apologize about. Talking about what's on your mind is a good thing. I don't want there to be secrets in our relationship. I knew what I was getting into. You say you're over it, that's a huge step forward. All we can do now is keep moving forward. I love you, Clay."

"I love you too."

I laid my head on Jason's shoulder as he reached for a magazine. I'm not sure what it is about travel, but it's as if someone slipped me a sleeping pill. The next thing I remember is a gentle shake to wake me up just before we descended to land. The clouds were grey and lightning flashed. A horrible storm was brewing high in the sky. Rain slapped against the window. I hated being out in storms. I hated darkness, my greatest fear. Storms are a catalyst for darkness. Thunder boomed and I jumped. Jason's calming hand was on my thigh.

"You don't like storms?" he asked.

"No, I hate them. Storms are great sleeping agents, but they scare me."

"Not to worry, just a thunderstorm. According to the pilot, there are no severe weather alerts."

"Good."

The landing wasn't as smooth as I liked, but I was thankful to be on the ground nonetheless. After claiming our bags, we headed to the secured parking garage to retrieve the car from valet. A younger man pulled up next to us and got out of my car and we loaded the luggage in the trunk. A quick walk around of the car revealed no damage so we were all set to head to the dorm. The seat was cold as I climbed in the passenger's seat.

"Wahoo. Damn it's cold."

"I turned the heat on and the seat warmer, so it should be warmer in a minute."

We pulled out of the garage and the rain assaulted the car. I was glad Jason was driving because I'd be a nervous wreck. It was raining so hard, it was difficult to see three feet ahead. The centerline was barely visible. Just a few more miles to go and we'd be there. I texted Momma and Kyle letting them know we landed safely. Within seconds of pressing send, Kyle texted back to confirm receipt, and to tell me to have a good night. I wished him the same just as we pulled into the parking spot.

"I can run in a get you an umbrella," Jason offered.

"No, but thanks, no harm in playing in the rain."

I opened the door and hopped out. Jason did the same and we both bolted for the awning. We laughed as we bounded down the hallway to my dorm. Jason fumbled with the keys and got the door unlocked. I flipped the switch on and immediately felt something was wrong, although nothing appeared out of place. A stench hit my nose and I felt nauseous.

"What the hell is that smell, Jason?"

"I don't know honey."

I was afraid to move. Jason walked around and scanned the surface of everything. I attempted to keep out the repugnant smell by plugging my nose with my drenched shirt. Jason made his way to the kitchenette.

"Ahh, the culprit. A rotten peach on the counter. Time for you to go," he said to the peach. He bagged it in a separate bag and then took out the trash.

A rotten peach? I don't recall having bought a peach. Someone had been here. Had Coraline picked up on my slip at the pool? Had she planted this to prove she knows? Does she know? Oh God. Fear consumed me.

"Sorry about that babe. I forgot I brought that over, but when I got here, you were asleep on the chase, so I moved you and lay down too."

"That peach was yours?"

"Yes, sorry I forgot it. What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, the smell is terrible. Don't apologize, nothing that can't be fixed."

Geez! Am I really that paranoid?

"While you take care of that, I'm going to my dorm to check it out and call Aunt GiGi to let her know we're back."

"Okay, love you."

"Love you." With a gentle peck on the lips, he was out the door.

I lit several candles and sprayed the room with a fresh linen scent. I stripped my soaked clothing and threw on my robe. I was angry with myself for having automatically assumed the worst about Coraline again. I couldn't shake the irony surrounding the peach.

I laid on the chase and put my hand over my head, I felt jetlagged from hell. Momma called and we talked for a moment. She had already had my clothes boxed and scheduled for pickup and overnight delivery. I ran through a to-do list silently in my head and decided that it was best to stay in tonight and order in for dinner. Jason's studies needed to come first, and I didn't want to brave the raging storm pounding the earth outdoors. At the thought of him, like clockwork, he came in the door smiling.

"Hey you," I said.

"Hey you."

"How's Aunt GiGi?"

"Ecstatic, just like I knew she would be. She insisted upon us coming to dinner tomorrow night."

"Sounds perfect. I am volunteering tomorrow night, so we can go to dinner, and then I'll just head over. You can come back to study," Jason had sat beside me and I straddled his lap, "then come and pick me up, sound like a plan?"

He cuddled my ass and kissed his mouth, "Mmm..hmm," he muffled through our lips.

"As for tonight, I thought we could order in something of your liking for dinner, and I'll help you cram for your field exam," I proposed.

"Sounds like a plan to me, but, I didn't hear mention of extracurricular activities, you know, recreational ones." He flashed me his pearly whites then thrust his pelvis, and I knew I had to stop it now or we'd getting nothing done all night – well, nothing scholastically. I stood up and Jason laid back on the chase.

"So, what kind of food are you in the mood for?" I asked while grabbing the stack of take-out menus from the kitchenette. "Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, All American, Pizza, Mexican, and this list goes on and on."

"Hum. I could go for some All American. Stomach's a bit sluggish from the flight."

"Okay. Now, a selection of American," I thumbed through and tossed the non-American menus on the bed, "Oh, this place is great; it has the most amazing inside-out cheeseburger seasoned to perfection. Wanna try it?"

"Anything you want, babe. I want fries too, please."

"Of course. Anything else?"

"Nope, that should do it."

I ordered the food while Jason went to get his textbooks. I slipped into some collegiate sweats. I wanted to feel comfortable and secure in their warmth during the storm. It was also likely to prove a turnoff while serious studies needed to ensue.

Jason returned with his textbooks, notes, and a field testing kit. Just as he was spreading his notes out, the food arrived. While double dipping our fries and devouring our burgers, we watched a horrendous reality show detailing the lives of people who live in filth and hoards of junk. I was repulsed, but it didn't stop me from eating. When we were finished, we cleaned up and then sat back on the bed to begin the cramming session.

We had spent two hours going over trace evidence collection, security, case laws, and chain of custody before I even realized it. Jason was specifically going to be tested on lifting a shoeprint that was to be made byte use of dust. His intelligence and knowledge of forensics impressed me greatly. He had retained all of the information in which we were studying prior to us cramming. Cramming didn't appear necessary for him, yet he was so disciplined and determined to demonstrate professionalism that he persisted. Another hour of discussing techniques involving the use of voltage generators and lifting film as well as national databases of shoeprints, I was exhausted, and his eyes were just as heavy. After clearing the bed of the studies and laying in Jason's arms momentarily, his goodnight kiss sent me to dreamland.

Chapter 19

Aunt GiGi welcomed us with open arms as we entered the foyer of the restaurant. Her vibrant red hair was pulled up and sprigs of curls fell on her cheekbones artfully.

"I'm so glad you two had a safe flight and a wonderful trip. I've missed you," she said as she touched Jason's face.

"I've missed you, too!" Jason exclaimed.

Aunt GiGi then walked up to me and gave me a hug, then grabbed my shoulders, "Welcome to the family sweetheart."

"Thank you very much. I'm honored," I blushed.

"Jason, take our new member on up, I have your order ready."

Jason led me upstairs by the hand as we climbed side-by-side. I couldn't help but wonder, our new member? It sounded strange. We made our way to the same room we dined in before. It still reminded me of an early century bedroom that remained untouched by time. Jason pulled out my chair for me.

"Always the gentleman. You'd think you were the one raised in the South. Thank you." I pecked him on his cheek.

"Anything for you, my dear." He smiled widely as he took his seat, his eyes never leaving mine. It pulled at my heartstrings. How did I get so lucky? As we peered into one another's eyes, GiGi returned with our tea, she had remembered my preference, unsweetened.

"And what are you two up for today?" she asked.

"Usual for me Auntie. Clay?"

I pondered, "Grilled chicken salad with no tomatoes, and Ranch, please."

"Gotcha. Be back in a bit," she said smiling as she walked away, closing the door behind her.

What little light that was left of the day shone through sheer panels. The mood was much different this visit, much lighter. This time, I wasn't mourning the loss of something I really never had. The man that sat across from me at our small round table is much more to me today than he was then, and I felt a greater sense of self-worth because of him. I had never felt happier than when he smiled his brilliant smile, knowing it was for me.

"What?" he asked, interrupting my idolatry.

"Nothing, I'm just admiring the view." I smiled.

"Hmm, as was I. Your smile astonishes me," he said admiringly.

I spontaneously burst into song and sang "Baby, I'm amazed by you."

"Beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I had to change the subject before we were naked in the middle of our round dinner table. "So, big test in the morning, are you nervous?"

"A little, but I know the material. I know how to do it mentally, but until I put this knowledge to practice, it's a bit unnerving. So many things could go wrong."

"They won't. I figured you could go back and study some more. I am mentoring until later this evening, and then they need someone to close up after the beds are full, so I volunteered. I figured that would give you quiet time to cram."

"That was nice of you, but I worry about you being down here that late."

"Don't worry. I'll call a cab and have one waiting before I close up, so I can leave immediately afterward."

"Okay. So, how many more beds were opened as a result of your generous donation?"

"Went from fifteen to fifty. All new mattresses, sheets, comforters, and they have plenty left for operational expenses, and better food."

He smiled my smile, "Someday, I hope to be as much of a humanitarian as you."

"You already are. The field you're going into, and with your abilities, you're going to help so many people find the truth."

"Any new mentees?" he asked.

"Actually, yes. I am going to meet with a really intelligent guy named Josh, whose parents kicked him out a month ago, and he's been staying the nights at the shelter, while trying his best to get a leg up on his life during the day. He's kicking a long run with drugs, amongst other habits, and he's eighteen. He reminds me so much of myself, minus the drugs. Not only in personality, but his build is like mine, and we favor. It's kind of weird, you know?"

"Sounds interesting. Should I be jealous?" he asked jokingly.

"Not hardly. He's nice and we get along well, but he's no Jason McClain."

"Ain't nobody me, honey." He tried to imitate my southern drawl. We laughed and then GiGi brought in our food and sat our plates down with a smile. After ensuring we needed nothing else, she was out the door and closed it behind her.

I loved our dining space, tucked quietly at the top of the stairs above the main. As I began to douse my salad with ranch, familiar markings on the door's wooden trim caught my eye. There were straight markings beginning about a foot from the floor, in sporadic locations rising up the trim that reached about six feet. I got up from the table silently and walked toward them to inspect closer. I ran my fingers across the etching in the trim that read eight years old, four feet. I looked up from that point and the growth chart etched in wood stopped at age seventeen, six feet two inches. I looked back at Jason with what must've been a pained look in my eyes. I knew this was his growth chart, and we were dining in what used to be his bedroom. A time he must cling to because his parents had been alive, a time when this room was filled with love, happiness, and dreams. This entire restaurant had been his home, and now strangers filled it daily. I wondered if it bothered him. There were no words to express how I felt, and how he must feel. For the first time, I really thought about Jason's life and how difficult it must have been for him when his life changed in an instant. My initial feelings upon first taking this room in were on cue, this had been a bedroom in another life, and I just didn't expect it to have been Jason's.

I walked back over to our dining table, which sat in the middle of the floor where imaginary roads had been for his Tonka toys, where story time had come to life, where teddy bears, army men, and dinosaurs had been his allies. There were no needs for words, but he spoke first.

"Sometimes, I can still see them walking through the door." He didn't look gloomy, but I guessed time had been a healer.

My heartfelt heavy as I sat. I reached over and grabbed his hand and squeezed gently, not knowing what to say. I wondered if every time he walked through the threshold of the front door if the weight of his memories nearly brought him to his knees. I suddenly felt guilty for having ever felt loss, and dragging him through the darkness that consumed me that was nowhere near comparable to what he had been through, the real loss that he had endured. Yet, he helped me through my self-pity as if my then tragedy was the worst thing that could've ever happened.

"You're the first person I've ever brought into my room," he said smiling. His words and smile nearly brought me to my knees, begging for his forgiveness, because loss was something I knew nothing of, but had once thought it would be death of me. How could I be so blind? "I've dreamed about you in this room, and now you're here."

I was speechless, but had to know. "What?"

"The first time I saw you, I knew I wanted you. The first time we spoke, I knew I wanted to be yours. I came here and laying my bed fantasizing about what it would be like to have you in my life, for us to build a life together. My mother would have told me to go for you, but I knew you were taken so I didn't, and I thought you were out of my league. She's smiling down now." He looked up toward the sky and then back into my stinging eyes.

"I had no idea. I'm so..." He would not let me apologize.

"Don't you dare apologize. Everything happens for a reason, I strongly believe that. I am the happiest man in the world right now. If I never have anything in my life, I'll be fine as long as you're with me."

I sat silently, staring into his eyes, and feeling the weight of his confession. I didn't know what to say, as if I had lost the ability to form words. I had never felt so loved. "I love you," I whispered as my eyes welled up with tears. I looked around the room once more and felt as if the wall's beams were radiating affection. Jason reached over and gently rubbed my hand.

"I love you to the moon and back. From the words of my mother," he whispered.

He didn't look sad as he smiled at me. There was nothing more I could say. No words would trump his. We finished our meal in silence while we stole glances every chance we had. These tender moments are the ones I cherished. When we had finished our dinner and Jason demolished GiGi's turtle cheesecake, we said our loving goodbyes. We headed onto the always crowded sidewalk. Jason rested his chin on my head as he hugged me tightly.

"Don't forget, call the cab before you head out, and make sure that it's outside before you go out. I'm serious," he demanded lovingly. "No telling who will want to snatch you up!" he said with his wicked grin. I looked into his eyes, appreciating the sparkle in the sunlight.

"I will, and I'll see you later tonight," I said reassuringly. "Go cram," I told him while pressing the keys to the beamer in his hands. His grip on my arm tensed a bit and then he released me, and then he held my hand and walked me across the street and to the front door.

"I don't like leaving you here," he said.

"I'll be fine, and back in your arms before you know it." I smiled and he kissed me.

"Have fun and do good, babe. See you in a bit." He slid his arms around my waist and then placed his hands just inside the back of my slacks.

"You are bad, Mr. McClain," I claimed.

"You like it." He wasn't lying, but we were in public and his public displays of affection were something I would have to get used to. As he slid his hands out of the back of my jeans, his class ring got stuck on the fabric of my black bikinis and he snagged a hole. We both felt it.

"Sorry, I'll just finish ripping them off of you when you get home," he smiled and kissed me softly again, and then turned toward the street. I watched him cross and with a final wave from the car, I went inside.

I was greeted by Anna, another volunteer I was relieving. With a quick hi and bye, she was out the front door. The small front office was stuffy and smelled of stale coffee, which sat stagnantly on the burner on the filing cabinet against the beige back wall. I turned off the pot, poured out the sludge, and then rinsed the pot out in the small sink in the attached bathroom. I reached into the bottom filing drawer of the desk and retrieved the room spray. It was a generic vanilla scent, but it would mask the smell, so I sprayed it liberally just as Josh walked through the front door.

"Whoa, Clay," he said coughing, obviously inhaling too much of the liquid that was settling around us.

"Oh my, I'm sorry, Josh. Are you okay?" I asked. He had his tongue hanging out of his mouth spitting into the air.

"Uh, yes. Just a little stuff in my mouth there," he said while whirling his finger in the air indicating the vanilla scent.

We laughed it off and then Josh headed through the door and into the recreational/dining room. I followed. When I entered I noticed that there were already several people inside and they were just finishing dinner. Some of the volunteer cooks were cleaning up and washing dishes. People were smiling, laughing, and conversing after their hot meal, which brought a smile to my face. My phone vibrated in my pocket so I retrieved it, and after checking the caller, I answered.

"Hey big guy, how are ya?" I asked.

"Just fine and you?" he asked.

"I'm well. I'm volunteering today and that's where I am now. I'll be here late. What's up?"

"Well, Coraline and I were just wondered what you were up to. We're bored as hell. She thought maybe we could all hang out."

"I'd love to, but I can't. Jason is studying tonight, he has a test tomorrow," I said. I could tell the mention of his name bothered him because he huffed into the phone.

"How is he?" he asked, just to be polite though, I could hear in his tone. He was jealous. I couldn't say much though; I still cringed at the sound of Coraline's name. I wondered if the bitterness would ever end. I still didn't trust the girl as far as I could throw her. I couldn't help but remember that I had told him I was volunteering today.

"You call to talk about Jason?" I asked with more harshness than I had meant to.

"Guess not. Just thought I'd check on you and see if you wanted to hang out," he bit back. This conversation was going south quickly, and I wasn't in the mood to dish out the suppressed frustration I had for him. It wasn't the right time or place.

"Sorry. We're obviously in a tough place right now. How about we catch up tomorrow evening? We could grab dinner and a movie, or dinner and dancing, how about that?" I offered.

"Sounds perfect. I'm sorry too, Clay. I've been a jerk," he said. I could hear Coraline enter in the background with a cheerful greeting and then came a muffled kiss in my ear. I closed my eyes as the chill ran through my body. As much as I'd fallen for Jason, I wondered if I would ever rid my jealously of Coraline. I immediately felt guilty. "You be careful tonight, it's supposed to storm pretty bad, I hear."

"I will, talk to you later," I said as I pressed end and slid the phone back into my pocket. Great, a storm. Worse than darkness, I hate storms. The look on my face must have warranted comfort because Josh approached me and asked if was okay. After reassuring him, I walked back into the stuffy paneled office and sat at the desk, lost in thought. Josh entered, unconvinced by my attempt at reassurance. I sighed as he sat in chair facing me.

"One of those days, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess it is. How about you, any new news?" I was hoping he had found decent employment, but gauging his face, I knew immediately he hadn't.

"Nothing new. Same old shit. People just look the other direction. I can't even get a job working at a fast food joint. Sucks. The drug charges are going to continue to ruin my life. People just see a felon." He looked so sad, and I knew he was trying, but unfortunately, I knew he was most likely right. Securing employment that could get him off the streets was going to be extremely difficult.

"Maybe I can help. I'll talk to a few people. There has to be other options. Jason may be able to help me," I offered.

"Jason? He your guy?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, he is."

"Lucky bastard," he said smiling. It's uncanny how much we resemble, and I wondered if he found it as odd. We could definitely be brothers. I smiled back and thanked him. "What's your story, Clay?"

I wasn't sure how to respond, but honesty was my policy. "I knew I was gay from an early age. My parents did too. I've always been given the freedom and encouraged to express who I am, who I wanted to become, and everything in between. I see now that so many people have not been afforded that same luxury. Mentoring here has changed my outlook tremendously."

"That's admirable. You are a really great person. I am glad you're here," he smiled and reached for my hand. I cautiously extended my hand and he took it into his and then pressed his lips to my hand. It was innocent and sweet, but it felt wrong somehow. I didn't say a word as he headed back into the rec room.

The rest of the evening, I played poker, and array of board games, hopping from one table to the next enjoying the company of everyone. Kyle's weather forecast had upheld and lightning and thunder cracked around us, causing me to jump at every turn. On several occasions, Josh sent a comforting glance my way. The weather brought more people in seeking warmth and dryness. Against policy I let more people in than allowable for one volunteer, but the ladies who had cooked stayed to help me out until around eight o'clock. Jason had texted once to check on me and give me an update on his studious activities. Kyle texted to apologize for his shortness again, I responded the same.

Following Jason's requests, order rather, I called the cab company and requested pick up at nine. The rain was pounding the earth with a vengeance. A few of us gathered flashlights from the emergency boxes and sat them out strategically in case of power outages. Julie, the night manager of the shelter, arrived at a quarter till. I could see the taillights of the cab parked out front, which was early. I pulled my coat on and then headed back to the rec area and told everyone goodbye and let Julie know I was headed out. Josh insisted he walk me out despite my telling him the cab was already waiting. He wouldn't let up, and so I gave in. I was beginning to think the word fragile was stamped across my forehead.

"I don't have an umbrella, so you can watch from the door, my protector," I goaded with a smile. As I turned to go out the door, the cab was nowhere in sight. "What? The cab was just here a minute ago. Maybe it pulled around to the side," I said looking back to Josh, who was peering through the glass door stretching to see further down the road.

"Maybe," he offered.

I walked out the door and into the downpour. Lightening streaked across the sky and a loud crack followed. The dim lights of the dilapidated street lamps in conjunction with the torrential rain made it difficult to see two feet in front me. I hurried toward the corner of the building to look in the alley, but it was as deserted as it should be aside the row of dumpsters and debris littering the way. It was hard to tell, but I thought I saw movement in the darkness in front of me. A chill caused me to shiver. I heard Josh yell at me from the door and as I turned back toward the front door, strong hands grabbed me from behind and dragged me backwards, towards the darkness, and before I could scream, a second set of hands masked my face with a white cloth and a strong odor hit my senses. I was in a state of shock and I could barely see, but I knew it was Josh who was running toward me. I collapsed unconscious against my will in the arms that were holding me captive.

Chapter 20

After hours of electrostatic lifting procedures and analysis, I was bone tired and missing Clay by the minute. What time was it? I checked the clock. Nine-thirty? Clay should be here by now. I picked up my phone and called Clay, which immediately went to voicemail. Strange. My heart did a summersault and I knew something was wrong, my intuition was rarely off. Clay would've called if he was going to be late. The drive was only about fifteen minutes, but perhaps the weather was delaying him. I Google'd the number to the shelter and dialed it immediately, but a lady said he had left a little before nine.

I decided I was being hypersensitive and I would give him ten more minutes before I called the dogs out. In the meantime, I called his number a few more times and got the same greeting of his voicemail immediately. I slid on my shoes and paced the floor, rubbing my head and eyes spastically. I knew I should've picked him up. My annoyance with my decision was quickly turning to anger and I grabbed the keys off the valet and headed out into the downpour.

Traffic was minimal as I raced toward the shelter while keeping an eye out for passing cabs that may be transporting my precious cargo. I knew I was overreacting, but I don't often have moments of impending doom without some legitimacy, even if it involves something less dramatic than my brain had imagined. I didn't know what I'd do if something were to happen to Clay, he was my life, my love, and the air I breathe. I forced myself to shake off the horrible thoughts that were flooding my mind.

When I pulled up in front, the lights were off inside the office. I parked and then ran to the door and banged on it with more force than necessary. They'll probably think a madman is at the door, or another person seeking shelter from this horrendous storm. The storm. Clay is terrified of storms. After a few minutes, an older lady peered through the blind of the glass front door.

"You clean?" she yelled through the door.

"Um, yes. Can I talk to you? I called a bit ago about Clay DeVero," I asked. I heard the bolt slide in the door and then it opened. I stepped in and shook off some of the rain water. "Sorry ma'am to bother you again, but Clay hasn't made it home. I was wondering if you've heard from him."

"Oh, I see. You must be Jason," she said while staring me down from top to bottom.

"Yes, I am," I confirmed.

"I haven't heard anything from him. Come to think of it, I haven't heard from Josh either. Maybe they're together somewhere," she insinuated with more shrewdness than I liked. I stared at her attempting to gauge the genuineness of her accusation.

"Ha," I snorted, "I think you're mistaken if you're indicating what I think you are." This bitch was pissing me off.

"Well. Maybe, maybe not. I see the way Josh looks at him, follows him around like a stray puppy."

Anger burned through me. What was wrong with this woman? Perhaps I was just misperceiving her intentions, but I didn't want to continue this conversation.

"Well, thanks," I said as I turned the handle and walked back out into the storm. I noticed there were still lights on at the house, so I ran across the deserted street to talk to GiGi. I burst through the front door where servers were resting the chairs upside down on the tables.

"Where's GiGi?" I asked to no one in particular.

"In the office, I think," a young female responded.

I ran to the back office, which had always been an office, and GiGi sat appearing to be crunching numbers.

"Hey, Jason. You're soaking wet. What on earth are you doing out in this storm?"

"I'm looking for Clay. Have you heard from him?"

"Calm down Jason, slow down. You're acting like a crazy person, and no. I haven't seen Clay since you two left earlier," she said as she walked up and gave me a hug.

I knew I needed to calm down, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

"You're trembling and soaking wet. Sit down and calm down. What's going on?" Her eyes pierced mine, and were clearly concerned.

I got my phone out of my coat and then dialed Clay's number again, and again reached his fucking voicemail. Then I called the operator for the cab company, to no avail, they don't keep call records, what kind of company doesn't keep call records. Aunt GiGi watched me intently as I nervously plotted my next move. "I need to ask everyone out front if they saw anything suspicious over there tonight."

I entered the dining areas and got everyone's attention, "Did any of you happen to see a cab out front at the shelter across the street around 45 minutes ago or so?" There were confused faces looking from one person to another, until a middle aged man spoke up.

"Yes. Looked like it was parked there waiting for someone." I had to smile.

"Thanks. Did you see anyone get in?" I hoped.

"No. Actually, someone in a poncho walked to the driver's side and looked to have a conversation and the cab drove away. I didn't see anyone get in."

My heart sank. "You're sure it was around 45 minutes ago?"

"Yeah, right before closing at nine, I went out on the porch to make sure it was in good shape with all the wind we'd been having." I could tell he was being truthful, and the implications of his words only made me more uneasy and posed more questions. My head spun. I looked back to Aunt GiGi, who was clearly as confused as everyone else in the restaurant.

"GiGi, keep an eye out for Clay, okay? I had a really bad feeling come over me when I was waiting for him, and you know how those are." My chest felt tight.

Aunt GiGi walked up to me and then kissed my cheek. "I'm sure he's okay. Calm down, you look petrified. The rain may have him delayed. Go back and see if he's made it home. Don't overreact, Jason," she said almost inaudible.

"Didn't you hear what the man said? He said no one got in that cab, and that someone wearing a black poncho talked to the driver and then it drove away. Clay would never wear a poncho," I refuted. "I have to go."

I bolted out the door and back into the storm. I looked toward the bleak alley that ran between the shelter and an apartment complex. I was being beckoned by it, but I couldn't fathom why, but knew it must have something to do with Clay. I ran across the street and then walked slowly to the edge of the light, which was bleak and cast no light into the alley. The alley was shadowy and a chill raced to my bones causing me to shudder. A flash of lightening lit up the murky alley momentarily, but I could see nothing but obscurity, and the rain wasn't helping. I decided to follow Aunt GiGi's advice and head back to the dorm to see if he'd arrived. Perhaps there was an issue with his cell phone carrier.

***

I woke with a slight jerk, but my eyes barely fluttered open. I was tremendously conscious of the pounding of my head, which was no doubt an effect of the chloroform. I attempted to open my eyes, but I could see nothing, although I knew my eyes were open. Fear consumed me instantly as I remembered what had happened. I could tell I was lying on an icy cold, wet concrete floor. Tip...tap...tip...tap. Water. Water was dripping all around from what must be a weather beaten roof.

As I attempted to use my hands to force my body to an upright position, I felt stings of pain. I could feel something tiny, coarse, and sharp dig into my hands. I attempted to rub my hands together, but the sound of chain rattling on the concrete shot pangs of terror through me. Oh God! I was bound by chains. I gasped.

I couldn't see anything, and I was beginning to fear I was blind. I used my hands to feel around my surroundings. My breathing became erratic as I started to panic. I could hear the thunder rolling, so I knew there must be an exit near and I most likely wasn't buried. I reached out and could feel space as far as the chains would allow. My feet were tied, so I couldn't maneuver well, and standing was impossible. I felt the cold and sinister chain and followed it to a bolt that was drilled into the concrete floor. My weak fingers were no match for attempting to unscrew it. I tried, but the sharp glasslike substance continued to pierce my skin if I moved across the floor too much. I started to pant. I couldn't ever remember being so petrified.

Breathe Clay. Just breathe. My worst fears were trumping me and I felt paralyzed. I didn't need the chains and ropes to restrain me. My body would forsake me even if I could get up and run. I was in complete darkness in a storm. I had no idea where I had been dragged to, or what even was in the room with me. I contemplated screaming, but I was afraid my captures would return sooner than later. I had no idea what I was up against, or why. Why would someone want to do this to me? What if there are critters and rodents and reptiles down here? Was I in a sewer? All I could smell was dampness, coldness, rust, and mildew.

My head continued to pound as I attempted to regain control over my breathing and pulse. I hadn't realized it, but I was sobbing and tears raced down my cheeks. I became tense as the thunder refused to relent. There must be no windows where I am because there were no flashes of lightening, no distant streetlamps. I wanted to scream, run, and not make a sound at the same time. As silly as it seemed, since I couldn't see anything, I assumed I couldn't be seen either, which I knew was ridiculous considering someone had abducted me and restrained me here. I couldn't think rationally and my breathing became rapid again. I started to try to kick my feet out of the tightness that surrounded my feet and then I moved my hands down and realized my legs were completely wrapped in rope up to my thighs. I found myself holding my breath and shaking my body irregularly, like a child's tantrum. My chest felt like a ton of bricks was resting on it.

"Clay?" I heard. Josh? I had forgotten in my haze that I saw him running toward me. They had gotten him too?

"Josh," I whispered. "Where are you?" I asked darting my head around the room to the sound of his voice. I suddenly felt hopeful.

"I am strung up on a fucking wall I think," he said. I could hear chains rattling again. He was bound too.

"Oh God! What is going on, Josh? Who did this?" I asked desperately.

"I don't know. I don't even know how long we've been here. Are you okay, are you hurt?" he asked.

"Physically, I think I'm okay. Are you hurt?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. My wrists are killing me though, I think these cuffs are too tight," he said almost joking.

"I am so confused, Josh." At that moment, there was a screeching of metal against metal, as if a door was being slid open in distance. Bile rose in my throat as I listened. Then there was the sound of hard soled shoes on the concrete floor. Two sets. I thought I was going to faint as a light grew closer, illuminating a hallway as it grew near, to my right. I wanted to close my eyes, but I couldn't break my stare of the radiant light. It was disconcertingly comforting. I just wanted the light, not its keepers. Oh God, the keepers of the light, they were coming. What will they do? What do they want from us?

I was paralyzed as I watched the duo walk side by side. Each was carrying an oil burning lantern. All I could see was disturbing cloaks that were dragging the ground with dark fabric covering their evil identities. One walked with more swagger than the other. The water kept dripping. A chorus of echoing raindrops surrounded us. The light illuminated a space about five feet around them as they walked slowly toward what looked like a row of workbenches lined in front of me. We must've been in an abandoned factory. There were machines on top of the workbenches that I didn't recognize.

The glow of light surrounding them appeared ominous, like an orb encasing wickedness. My eyes caught glimpses of sparkling on the floor, like sequins in bright light. There was something glittering from the floor as the light hit it, like diamonds sparkling in the sunlight. I snapped out of my reverie and quickly looked back up as the footsteps stopped abruptly. The small one spoke first, with an obvious voice manipulator. The sound was eerie and almost identical to Jigsaw's in the movie Jason and I had watched the night before. I wished I would wake up, but knew this wasn't a nightmare. Somehow, and I didn't understand how, it was my reality.

"The storm is a nice touch, don't you think?" the taller one asked. Are you fucking kidding me? I just panted. I couldn't force myself to form words. I was paralyzed by fear.

"Well? Oh, sorry. Are you afraid of storms?" It asked with a sinister laugh. I still couldn't gain the ability to speak. My mouth just hung open, inhaling the corroded air. "I couldn't have planned it better if I don't say so myself," it gloated.

A loud roar bellowed outside and it startled me. The taller one laughed amusingly through its voice manipulator and I felt ashamed that I wasn't being stronger, braver. They both held up their lights and shed them on Josh, who was suspended above the floor, chained to the cinder block wall. He was wearing only his boxers. Numbness washed over me as I looked down and suddenly realized that I, too, was only in my underwear. I looked up at our captures. My eyes must've begged the question.

"Oh, no, no. It's not what you think. No one has touched your precious body. You see..." the smaller one contemplated, "it's just, uncanny really. We had not planned for such a diversion."

Planned? Why? The darkened walls started to cave in on me. I felt hopeless. If these mutants had planned, then I knew there was little chance of escaping or surviving this.

"But, when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Isn't that what y'all say in the South, Clay?" I could hear the mimicked accent through the manipulator. It laughed its disturbing laugh again, clearly amused by the psychological torture it was dishing. They knew me, and it was clear that they had only taken Josh because he attempted to save me and ambush their plans.

Josh yelled obscenities in the background. The taller one reached into the pocket of his cloak and pulled out a shiny piece of metal. It only took me a second to realize it was a handheld gun of sorts. I didn't have time to respond or beg before a piercing bang rang my ears and I covered them and screamed. I wasn't sure the sound came out. I forced myself to open my eyes and look over at Josh after I heard him shriek in pain. Blood was oozing from his lower left calf and his flesh was gaping. He was writhing in pain, but there was no way he could apply pressure to the wound.

"Stop! Stop! Please," I pleaded, "please don't hurt him anymore. What do you want?" I asked incredulously.

"All in good time, my pretty, all in good time," the shorter one stated heartlessly as it bent down to meet my eyes. The reference to The Wizard of Oz offered me no relief. I gasped and quickly looked away. It was wearing what appeared to be an Asian porcelain mask, an eerie whit face piecing mine. I winced. It snickered and backed away.

It approached the taller one and whispered something I couldn't decipher, and then the tall one looked toward Josh who looked defeated. He was probably going into shock and there was nothing I could do. I had never felt so defenseless and frightened. I felt my body invert and panic threatened me again. My mind drifted to Jason, who had to be anxious by now, wondering what was keeping me, or he may have just been lost in electrostatic something or the other.

***

I approached Clay's door and knew immediately he wasn't there and hadn't been. I couldn't sense him or smell his presence. I went in and confirmed what I already knew. Nothing had been touched. My textbooks were still sprawled out where I'd left them on the bed and the television droned in the background nearly muted. The shower was still dry and my towel was still draped haphazardly over the heated rack. Clay would've straightened it. The half bottle of Dr. Pepper still sat on its coaster under the chrome lamp where I'd left it, condensation now dripping down its side. My chest tightened and my eyes stung. I couldn't shake the feeling of dread as I surveyed the site.

I knew I had to do something. My options were limited. I didn't want to ring the alarm too prematurely and have everyone worried to death. I'd already scared Aunt GiGi. I played back our last conversation in my head to ensure I wasn't missing something. I immediately knew I wasn't missing anything and I shook my head. Clay hadn't mentioned any stops on the way home. The only way he would've detoured was if something was wrong with Kyle. Kyle. I didn't allow my mind to go where it wanted to. Instead, I knew what I had to do.

I dialed Kyle's number and waited as the other end of the line rang. He answered, sounding hammered. "Yep?"

"Hey Kyle, how's it going?" I asked conversationally. I didn't want to jump the gun or sound exaggeratedly protective or worried, although that's exactly how I was feeling.

"I'm fine, just frowin' back a few, and you?" he slurred, while burping in my ear. Disgusting pig.

"Have you heard from Clay?"

"Nope, not since 'round dinner or so. Ask 'em if he wanted to hand out...I mean hang out, said he's too busy with that shelter'n gonna help you study."

His accent was thicker under the influence. It was hard to make out his words without careful listening as I attempted to ignore his Freudian slip. If he'd propositioned Clay, I'd kick his ass. "Alright then, I was just wondering. He hadn't made it home yet, but I guess the storm's causing him delays." I tried to sound as convincingly unworried as possible. "Talk to you later." I didn't give him a chance to return the parting expression. I slid my phone back into my pocket, annoyed as hell. I retrieved it again and pressed the envelope on the touch screen. I figured if a call wouldn't go through, perhaps a text would.

Hey babe. Sure the storm has you delayed, but I'm worried. Call me. Love ya! <3

I rubbed my face vigorously after tossing the phone on the bed and fell onto my knees and propped my head on the side of the bed. I was frustrated that I couldn't think clearly and growled loudly, muffled by the duvet.

I couldn't call the police. They'd surely dismiss a report without him being gone at least 24 hours. I had no evidence of abduction, other than him not being where he was supposed be, although the old man's statement about what he observed at the shelter may account for something, it certainly kicked me into overdrive.

***

I heard a vibrating sound and then the unmistakable sound of my text message tone. My eyes darted toward the sound and glimpse of light and saw my clothing lying on a workbench nearest them. I remembered my phone was in the inside pocket of my coat. The smaller one walked over and fished it out.

"How very sweet, Clay. He's a persistent thing isn't he?" It sounded annoyed, and glanced over at the taller one, who still had the gun cocked and pointed at Josh. "I knew he was protective, but I had no idea how quickly he would move on this. We'll have to hurry this operation."

"Was it Jason?" I asked, not expecting to hear an answer. I knew it was though. He had to be worried sick.

"Yes it was" it drawled. "He's checking up on you, thinks you're stuck in the rain." It walked to the taller one and threw my phone down in front of it, and it smashed it with several stomps into pieces on the concrete floor. The screen's light dimmed and faded to black. My mouth gaped open. Strike one lifeline, there would be no phone a friend for me. "Let's give them a scare, shall we?" Again, it laughed, as if this were a grand joyride.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted earlier...it is uncanny. The resemblance this one shares with you, Clay." It said, pointing to Josh. The taller one walked over to a paint bucket, laid the gun down, and then picked it up carefully. What the hell is that? I found my ability to breathe escaping again. "And as I said, the diversion is quite wonderful. I can't wait to see how they all respond when they think you're dead!" it said indifferently.

Oh no! The taller one walked up to Josh, looked back to the smaller one, and then toward me, the porcelain mask void of expression. "No! What are you doing, what is that?" I yelled. No one listened. Josh's head was bowed and drool was dripping from his mouth. I hadn't noticed when he stopped wincing in pain, but he raised his head weakly, alarmed by my demand. He looked over at me and shook his head no, his eyes looked to tell me to shut up and don't cause trouble. As if he'd known what was coming.

The taller one sat down the bucket. I couldn't tell what it was filled with. It fidgeted with the locks and chains and then Josh's body fell limply to the floor and he cried out when his body hit the cold, hard floor. The taller one kicked Josh's body and rolled him over to his back and picked up the bucket. What is he doing?

The shorter one looked over at me, "You may not want to watch, Clay. This could be nasty. Ha, ha, ha!" it laughed.

The taller one dumped the contents of the bucket onto Josh's face in one quick motion and then jumped back. Josh screamed loudly and then the disturbing shriek stopped as abruptly as it had begun. I watched in horror as a white vapor rose into the air from his face and from the surrounding concrete. I heard the sizzling amidst the dripping rain, and Josh's strangled coughing. His body twitched violently. A bubbling pink and red substance slid from Josh's face as his legs kicked and his fists pounded on the concrete floor around him. His coughing ceased and his chest failed to rise and fall. His face fell towards me. I gasped as my brain fought for oxygen and I realized I was holding my breath again. The forsaken chamber was spinning. When I saw his lifeless face diminished to exposed facial muscles and bones, my stomach turned, my head spun, and then I could see nothing but darkness.

***

It was near eleven before I headed back out into the storm. My anxiety was high, and knew now that something was definitely awry. There was only one person I knew I could go to, Special Agent Nelson. A drunk, but damn good at his job, and he would listen, even if I had to coax him gently. At this hour, I also knew where to find him. I pulled in front of the row of historic buildings and parked near the neon sign. Just as I predicted, the moment I walked in I spotted him sitting slumped over a few empty shot glasses at the end of the bar. The air was stuffy and thick with cigarette smoke. SA Nelson had a cocktail sword hanging out of his mouth.

"McClain?" he asked suspiciously when I sat next to him.

"Special Agent Nelson," was all I could muster without a cold beer in my hand. After ordering a bottle of Budweiser, I turned my attention back to SA Nelson, who was clearly awaiting an answer. "I need your help, and I need you to listen to me carefully," I demanded.

"I'm off the clock," he answered while throwing back another shot of whiskey. I immediately slid the empty shot glasses away from him.

"You're a Special Agent, you're always on the clock, remember, you told me that yourself," I was already losing my patience, "Tell me, does the whiskey taste better on or off the clock?" I creased my brows.

"What do you want McClain?"

I took a deep breath and chugged another gulp. "A friend of mine didn't make it home a couple of hours ago, and I know something is not right. Completely out of character, and I am really worried."

"A couple of hours McClain? Ha!" he snorted.

"Nelson, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out," I nearly pleaded. I reiterated the evening, my intuition and the old man's eyewitness account. I could tell throughout my explanation that he wasn't interested, but something kept him from cutting me off and excusing me. I had worked with him on several of his cases, and he's always complimented my intuitive skills, so he knew I was serious. I didn't tell him my relation to Clay. I didn't think it was relevant to why I needed his help. I had said all I needed to say, and he still sat silently, twirling the plastic sword in his mouth, obviously contemplating what to say or do. He looked at me with a curious face.

"You're sure he wouldn't have gone to another friend's house? Perhaps a girlfriend or boyfriend you know nothing about?"

I know Clay too well to call him a liar or cheater, both of which he was definitely not, but I let the insult go, SA Nelson was only asking a relevant question. "I'm positive. He has a few friends here, not many. He's from the south and doesn't know too many people here. He was coming over to help me study for a field test tomorrow." I stopped the explanation for the sake of not appearing desperate, although that's exactly what I am.

"Take me to the shelter, McClain. I owe you one anyways."

"Damn straight you do. Several actually," I said jokingly.

"Don't push it, boy. You do want in the bureau right?" he countered. With a pat on my back, I led him to car. He didn't say anything about the car, or ask who it belonged to, but I assumed he was too buzzed to care. I really didn't want to have to explain my relationship to him, because if things were as bad as my gut was telling me, then he would certainly forbid my assistance.

I pulled back into the same space I had parked earlier in front of the shelter. There was only a dim light coming from within. SA Nelson hopped out into the rain and made it to the door before I could get out. I raced out to catch up. I wondered if he would get the same spiel from the hag I'd met earlier. After a couple of loud rounds of banging, a head peered through the blinds, and rolled her eyes.

"Jason, I told you, I haven't seen him," she said rudely as she opened the door, and then she SA Nelson, who held his badge to her face, "Can I help you," she asked, clearly irritated.

"You haven't seen Clay?" SA Nelson asked.

"No, not since he left a little before nine. I assure you he is not being held captive in this shelter."

"What about the kid you saw him with, he made it back?" I asked.

"No, Josh is not here either. Like I said, who knows where they are."

"Are you implying they are together, Misses?" SA Nelson asked her, clearly prodding for her name.

"No, I don't make assumptions. I'm Mrs. Bates." Great! Psycho.

"If you see them, you know what to do," SA Nelson told her and handed her a business card. She closed the door and he turned toward me. "She's telling the truth," he said as he walked to the corner. "This the alley you were talking about?"

"Yeah, that's the one," I confirmed. The rain had slowed, but the alley still looked as barren as it had earlier. I shuddered as the rain soaked me to my skin. SA Nelson retrieved a Maglite from his jacket and entered the alley. I followed him as we assessed the darkness. His phone rang and it echoed through the alley.

"Nelson," he answered quickly. His face hardened as the other person on the line filled his head with information that was clearly disturbing him. My chest felt tight as his eyes met mine, and I could see concern as he responded, "Where?" he asked. "Why aren't the locals on this?" he asked the other person, then he snapped his phone shut.

"McClain, what are the stats of your friend?" he asked.

"Brown hair, brown eyes, slender, about 5'10". Why?" I asked nervously.

SA Nelson put his hand on my shoulder and then looked down to the ground, and then back to my eyes, and I felt bile rise in my throat. "We gotta get to the park on 2nd. A body was discovered about 15 minutes ago roughly matching your friend's description, but apparently an ID can't be made, something about the face being mangled and lack of a wallet or any other identifying info."

The tightness in my chest spread throughout my body. "It may not be him," I whispered, and would surely die if it was. "Let's go," I demanded as I ran to the car. Oh my God, what in the hell was I going to do? What did he mean mangled? Fuck! A million what ifs ran through my head as I drove well above the legal speed limit the 15 blocks to get to the park. As we neared, there was an array of red, white, yellow, and blue lights, and a swarm of people gawking. It also appeared the media had been clued in. There were vans from every major network in the area parked around the fleet of emergency vehicles. Yellow caution tape and local officers were keeping bystanders and the media away from the scene. There were sheets of metal propped up on poles in the center of the park. The only time they ever used those was to shield the most gruesome outdoor scenes from the general public.

My stomach flipped flopped and I began to shake as we headed beyond the rope after SA Nelson flashed his badge to a female officer who granted us access inside. I felt like I was about to walk a gauntlet. I shut out all of the sounds around me. My feet grew heavier the closer we neared the sheets of metal. Black FBI and CSI jackets were combing the cartilage of the park, going about their business as usual. I found it disturbing how they seemed so unaffected, but clearly, my objectivity was lost in the sea of emotions that was threatening to overwhelm me. Generally, I was much more confident and strong, but dread stripped those qualities as if I'd never had them. I was petrified Clay lie within the shielded area. What the hell would I do? What would his parents do?

SA Nelson stopped and turned toward me and placed a hand on each of my shoulders. "You don't have to see this. I would prefer you not, you know, just in case," he said sympathetically.

"I need to see this, Nelson. I will know if it is him." I hoped I would at least, but given I had no idea what he meant when he said the face is mangled. I shuddered and pressed through. At first glance of the body that lie on its stomach in the mud with its head turned to the side facing away from me, the weight of the world crushed me and I hit my knees, my hands balled into fists as I screamed as loud as I could at the sky. There was no mistaking Clay's designer coat, slacks, and shoes, which were bordered in a grave of mud and sand, incredibly out of place in the midst of a swing set.

Chapter 20

Tip...tap...tip. The chorus around me resumed as I slowly regained consciousness. For a moment, I had forgotten where I was, but the darkness quickly reminded me and my panic resumed. Then I remembered Josh and his horrific end. I covered my face and rubbed vigorously to attempt erasing the disturbing visuals out of my head. Guilt and sadness overcame me and I bawled into my hands. It wasn't fair. He had so much life left to live. My entire body shivered and convulsed due to a mix of nerves and the cold. I realized the cold was taking its toll on my body. I felt numb. To makes matters worse, a new drip was falling onto my roped legs. The rain had soaked through the fibers of the rope and the bitterness felt like it was burning my skin. As bound as I was there was nothing I could do to raise my body temperature.

My breathing was labored and I knew I would have a panic attack if I didn't gain control. I took deep breaths and exhaled slowly while counting silently. I heard squeaking in the distance. Don't let it be mice. My eyes wouldn't adjust to the complete darkness, so I could not make out anything.

I heard the same grinding of metal, and then the ominous glow returned in the same hallway. The clicking of their feet appeared faster than before, as if they were hurried. Within seconds, the keepers of the light stood in front of me. I attempted to keep my gaze on their hooded heads. I glanced over to where Josh had met his demise. There were dead mice surrounding what was left of the mush that had once been Josh's face, and others that were about to meet the same fate. I quickly glanced away, nauseated.

"I told you not to watch, sweetie. That delicate psyche of yours simply cannot handle it," the smaller one said, leaning down so that the porcelain mask was visible, hiding the atrociousness behind it. "Well, it seems the news is already eating up the crime scene."

I was extremely confused. I had no idea what it was talking about. They clearly were not outside this dungeon, or they wouldn't be so calm, because this was the crime scene. "What?" I asked weakly.

"Oh, you haven't figured it out yet. I thought you were smarter than that." It giggled as it walked to a workbench. "See something missing here, Clay?" it asked as it moved the light to a workbench. "Your clothes," it filled me in. "We took your little friend for a drive, but he couldn't go out in public without clothes." It walked back to the taller one and patted it on the back.

It was sinking in. They had put my clothes on Josh and dumped his body somewhere, and now, Josh had been discovered.

"Sweetie, they think it's you. It won't be long before your poor parents think you're dead, too. And Kyle, well...he'll be just as devastated. The news captured your boyfriend's meltdown at the scene." It laughed its sinister laugh.

Jason. My mouth hung open. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. These beings know me well, but whom? "What do you want from me?" I asked through my tears. I already knew the answer. If they knew me that well, they'd know I was an heir to fortune.

"We'll get to that in good time. Now, here, eat this." The taller one walked toward me and then placed an unopened granola bar in my hand. "We can't have you starving, now can we?" They turned to walk away.

"If you care about my well-being, then leave the light and get me a blanket or something. Please," I begged. They turned around, looked at one another and then laughed thunderously.

"Don't take that small gesture the wrong way. We obviously do not care about your well-being, Clay. You will get exactly what you deserve. Leave him a parting gift, so he doesn't take our generosity to heart," the smaller one said as it turned back to face me. The taller one took out a small pocket knife from his cloak pocket and then leaned down in front of me and grabbed my throat. I turned my head and attempted to shield my face with my arm, but my restraints wouldn't allow me to protect my face fully. I panicked and attempted to remove his hand with my upper arm, but with one swift motion, he sliced the side of my face with the blade and I felt the warmth of my own blood drip down my cheek and run down my neck.

"You crazy fuck!" I screamed, and then my vision was blurred as a sharp pain stunned my jaw. I was momentarily shocked as I attempted to catch my breath, and then another sharp blow to my chest caused me to heave.

"Enough!" the smaller one yelled.

I slumped to my side writhing in pain, and attempted to breathe normally. The lights faded in distance until they were gone and once again I sat in a total darkness. I thought about Jason and how he must be feeling, but if he did think Josh's body was me, it wouldn't take him long to realize that it wasn't actually me. Would he find me in time? My parents crossed my mind and I wondered if they had been notified, and if so, what were they thinking, what were they doing right now? I felt utterly doomed. Why hadn't the crazed murderers requested whatever in the hell it was they wanted?

I rose and laid the granola bar in my lap and cupped my face in my hands to apply pressure to the laceration. The cut wasn't deep, but when my hand made contact, the sting brought tears to my eyes. Hurry Jason.

Chapter 21

In the mass chaos, I couldn't see much beyond the mix of grass and mud that my fists were pounding in front of me. I felt several hands on my shoulders and back, then my waist, and torso attempting to pull me to my feet and away from the body before potential evidence was compromised or destroyed. I didn't have the energy to fight them or wrangle my way back to Clay. As I was being pulled back by my arms and chest I stared at the body intensely, almost as if I were being forced to do so by powers unknown. My eyes locked on Clay's back, and then something caught my attention. The coat's tail and shirt were flipped up and revealed a small portion of lower back skin. I cocked my head to the side as they sat me down. A sense of calmness spread throughout me. I know every inch of Clay's body, and this wasn't him. I laughed out loud as I found my footing.

"What in the hell could be so funny?" SA Nelson asked shockingly.

"Nothing's funny. I don't mean any disrespect. God rest that boy's soul, but this is not Clay DeVero," I said confidently. SA Nelson looked confused.

"How can you be so sure?" he asked.

"I just know. We can confirm when the ME gets the vic to the lab. We should go wait." I looked at a female CSI that was standing beside SA Nelson, "Make sure they process this thoroughly. There's something here that will lead me to my friend, who is clearly missing, and this boy is connected somehow" I said looking back at SA Nelson. SA Nelson and I walked back to the car.

"Alright. If it's not him, why the hell the show back there?" He stared at me and awaited a response.

"It's not him, but those clothes the victim is wearing are his. No mistaking the Prada and Burberry. Not many college students around here own an eight thousand dollar coat that the victim is wrapped in lying in the mud back there." My stomach wretched. I pushed the key fob and we both got in the car.

"His BMW, too, huh?" He asked. "You sure there's no evidence in here?"

"Yeah it's his, but I've had the car all evening. We ate dinner at Aunt GiGi's and then I headed back to the dorms after I walked him over to the shelter. You gonna call it in?" I asked.

"Can you prove the clothes belong to him?" I was becoming irritated at his crassness.

"Not conclusively, but shit! Listen to me!" I yelled angrily. "DNA can prove it. Fuck! Clay is missing, I don't give a damn if it's only been a few hours, he is missing, and those fucking clothes are his. I am losing my patience and I am terrified something bad has already happened to him." My anger continued to escalate until I broke and tears flowed silently, assaulting my cheeks and betraying my cover. My knuckles were turning white from gripping the steering wheel with all my might. I figured it was a better option than physically lashing out at SA Nelson. Ordinarily these types of questions wouldn't faze me at all, but my emotions were wreaking havoc on my entire demeanor. I knew I needed to pull myself together, and quickly – this was not helping Clay, nor bringing him any closer to the safety of my arms.

"Listen to me Nelson," I pleaded reasonably after clearing my throat, "I can't tell you everything right now, but know that I am telling you the truth." I stared into his blank eyes. "I know those clothes are Clay's, it is what he was wearing when I left him. That is not his body. Clay doesn't have a fucking tramp stamp, okay? The guy in the mud back there has a tramp stamp."

"Interesting." That's all he said, and we pushed on. I expected to be interrogated. That would come later.

Fifteen minutes later we were pulling into the highly secured Federal BioLab Building. Although I'd been there a hundred times, it felt sinister tonight. Perhaps it was the result of the storm in conjunction with the impending inquiries that must be faced, and a moment of truth greater than me. When I had pictured my life as an F.B.I. Agent, I didn't envision this...case of the heart before Quantico. I was thinking more of Fox Mulder – conspiracy, not murder. I knew SA Nelson was being especially generous, because without assignment, I shouldn't be here. But, there would be no way without sedation or incarceration to keep me away.

"The vic will be right behind us. Let's get inside and suited up," SA Nelson ordered. After entering the security code and being cleared at the desk, we both entered the locker room and donned our surgical grade scrubs, booties, masks, and gloves. Neither of us was authorized to perform any of the body analysis or subsequent testing needed depending on what was discovered, but we could observe. Depending on which Medical Examiner was on duty, we may be capable of doing more than clearance allowed. I just wanted answers. Surely this person's body would hold answers that would lead us closer to finding Clay. That's all I wanted. I could fly under the radar with any bit of information afforded to me at this point.

I wondered if there would be a wallet in the back pocket; however, I highly doubted it considering that would be the first place the first responders would have checked to get a possible I.D. There was no identification made at the scene. I was focused as we entered the sterile lab. ME Stokes greeted us with a grim smile as she readied her cart of equipment. I had worked and assisted her through my internship before, and was thankful that she was there. She had always graded me well and treated me with respect, so I knew she would be open to sharing her findings without hassle.

"Preliminary reports from the crime scene suggests that this may not be pleasant, Jason. Not that it ever is, but this seems especially heinous. There is only one reason a person destroys initial identifying characteristics, or tries to. And I have tell you from the start, this is appears to be just that," ME Stokes stated with a sigh. Her face was now covered by a mask, but I was sure she was frowning. Generally when she speaks, she is full of medical jargon and opinions based only on fact. To hear her speak layman terms and stating opinions sent me nearly to me knees, but I knew that I had to remain standing my on my feet and ready to act should she provide information leading to my Clay. I could trust her with my special interest in this case, but I refrained from indulging.

"Sober, Nelson?" she questioned. More of a sarcastic assertion than a question. SE Nelson mumbled something unintelligible as the sliding glass doors to our left opened automatically.

Two men in black coats wheeled in the gurney carrying the body bag of the victim. ME Stokes signed the receipt form and chain of custody log. SA Nelson and I moved the victim to the examination table.

"Thank you gentlemen," she stated as turned on the lights above the tape and turned on the recorder. As the black body bag neared me, the air thickened. She began by recording the basic time, date, and case number, and more gruesome details as she unzipped the bag and revealed the victim's face. She gasped and turned her back to the victim for a moment before regaining composure. Both SA Nelson and I, too, had to turn our heads for a moment. We'd all seen some sights burned into our minds, but this one had topped the list for me. I immediately felt devastatingly saddened for this young man whose body lay dead and destroyed before us.

ME Stokes continued after a couple of audible breaths. She was dictating her every action, and more medical jargon than a faux reality ER show. She walked closer to the clothing and looked at the labels. She turned off her transcription device as we both watched her movements closely. She turned to face us.

"They're expensive," ME Stokes stated.

"Yes. They belong to a friend of mine, of that I am certain." ME Stokes looked puzzled. At that point I looked back over at the victim and more reassurance that the victim was not Clay was revealed to, I almost sighed outwardly in relief, but realized how distasteful that would be before it escaped me. The victim was wearing boxers. Clay doesn't wear boxers. The brand was Hanes according to the label on the front of the boxers, another confirmation. Clay doesn't wear regular clothes.

"You have a friend that is missing?" ME Stokes asked.

"Yes. These are his clothes, and I think the body you're examining is that of a guy named Josh." It had crossed my mind the moment I told her that we were most likely looking at the body of Josh, the person Clay said closely resembled him, and the one the old hag insinuated that Clay was with.

"What?" SE Nelson and ME Stokes asked simultaneously.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner, McClain?" SA Nelson asked.

"It just crossed my mind. Clay was mentoring this kid that he said looked like him. You heard the hag at the shelter. This has to be him." I was flustered, but knew their questions were warranted. "DNA can prove who it is. Just let Stokes do her job and we'll know. This Josh might have a criminal record, so it shouldn't be difficult to match. You have a last name?"

"I can't remember," I said shamefully. I honestly couldn't remember if Clay had told me or not, but I should've asked him. Then, he may just think I was being overbearing. Damn it!

"In this case, I'll oblige, but I want details later, Jason. I'll start with blood analysis. I'm covering this young man's face for a moment. Chemical analysis of tissue will most likely reveal the acid concoction that caused this damage to his facial tissues. Someone out there is very sick."

I'd never seen ME Stokes this disgusted over a case before.

"Most DNA should be found in the underwear and shirt. We can send those to the lab for DNA analysis after the trace evidence analysts are done. Both will take time; however. Silence," she ordered as she turned back on the transcription recording device.

ME Stokes began cutting the victim's shirt off in methodical fashion, and then just as eloquently removed it and placed it in a stainless bowl. She then began cutting off the boxers and then discarded them in a separate bowl. SA Nelson looked away as I did. ME Stokes walked to the other side of the table and began filling out papers, presumably the chain of custody logs to transfer the clothing to the trace evidence department. I glanced at the victim once more. I had to be sure. I glanced at the victim's penis and shook my head no as I looked back up toward ME Stokes. When she turned around, I must've been still shaking my head because she immediately turned the transcription back off.

"What is it, Jason?" she asked.

I didn't realize that I was still shaking my head. It certainly wasn't him. How the hell did I get out of this one without exposing my obvious conflict of interest, other than the potential of a missing friend? I realized they already knew my conflict of interest and loss of objectivity.

"This most certainly isn't Clay," I muttered.

"How do know for sure?" SA Nelson asked while ME Stokes looked intently and popped her mask down to her neck, revealing her puzzled expression.

I dropped my head and took a deep breath. I must've looked desperate and lost, as well as, scared as hell.

"Oh," ME Stokes said sounding knowing and suddenly more sympathetic, "Clay, your friend that is missing, is a bit more than just a friend, huh?"

I was reluctant, but the sooner I revealed this, the sooner we could move forward, and I knew it may be motivation to get everyone moving faster given the rapport I had built over the past year with this very team of skilled forensic professionals. "Yes. Clay DeVero is my boyfriend, and he is missing, and I need help, and I can't do this alone. Obviously, someone has abducted him, switched his clothing with this person, who most likely is this Josh character, and Clay is still out there somewhere!" I spouted and grabbed both sides of my hair and tugged while growling in frustration. I sprinted to the wall and banged both hands with more force than necessary.

SA Nelson's hand squeezed my shoulder, and ME Stokes walked over to me. "How are you sure, Jason?"

"That poor man is not Clay. I know every inch of that's man's body, including his cock, and that man is not him. Not to be disrespectful to the victim, but that is not Clay's body." I was completely aware of how vulnerable I looked and how they both were most likely surprised by my revelation, but at this point, I didn't care. As long as it was out and the air was cleared, I knew it would likely speed things along.

Both just stared, and finally SA Nelson said, "Alright, now everything is making a hell of a lot more sense. No more secrets McClain," he warned before focusing his attention back to ME Stokes.

She began her examination and turned on another illumination lamp. We all noticed the tiny sparkles in the light simultaneously and moved closer to inspect. There were tiny sparkles on the victim's side and his hands. As ME Stokes adjusted the position of the light and moved it back and forth, the specs glimmered.

"It appears to be some type of metal imbedded in the skin," ME Stokes stated. She immediately went to the phone on the wall and removed then discarded her gloves, and dialed an internal number. "Trace in exam room 3 now," she demanded as she hung up the receiver.

ME Stokes went back to the body and pulled over her head a magnifying headpiece. After adjusting the magnification, she turned on the dictation and began spitting out medical jargon regarding the new findings. Moments later, a white coat gentleman entered the room and peered closely at the victim's body, and when he glanced at the face, he turned away and shuddered.

"Oh, goodness, I wasn't prepared for that," he said as he rubbed his eyes. As if he were attempting to erase the images now forever stored in his memory. I couldn't help but notice that he came empty-handed without any specialized tools for any trace evidence collection. He then immediately went to a stainless steel door, entered a pass code and the door slide open. He went inside and reappeared wheeling a cart of sterilized equipment.

"Preliminarily, I'll state off the record that this is a rare metal." SE Stokes turned off the dictation while the petite man went to another cabinet and started donning protective gear.

"I haven't seen this type of mixed metals in quite some time. You can tell by the mixed colors when illuminated under this light. It appears that lead could be the main component, which hasn't been in a metal concoction since the 70's due to the harmful effects to humans in water supplies," he asserted, "You can tell by darkness of the edges. I'll need to remove at least ten samples for analysis, but unfortunately, it will take some time to properly analyze and interpret the results, but the those results may provide significant leads if the metal is what I suspect it to be. There are only a few manufacturers in this area that ever used that mixture. I worked at one of them many years ago, but it has been closed for nearly fifteen years."

"What factory?" More of a demand that a question from SA Nelson.

"The old Hazel and Brothers off of route 89, why?" he asked.

"Because, we need leads now. The first forty-eight hours in a missing persons case is the most crucial. I am calling this in," SA Nelson stated as he flipped open his decrepit phone and dialed a number. "And Jason, notify the next of kin, we're initiating a missing persons case immediately," he ordered.

I felt nauseous, but this was exactly what I wanted to happen. I didn't know if I could bear notifying Vince and Layla. I knew they'd be as devastated as I have been for the past few hours. I didn't know what I should tell them, and I hated not having any more of a clue as to where he could be. Vince told me to take care of his baby, my baby, and I had failed. I failed. They would hate me. I couldn't protect our precious cargo, even though I tried. I hated myself and knew perfectly well at the same time that self-wallowing would not help anyone. I had never felt so lost and weak.

I walked toward the door and headed outside into the damp air. I needed to regain control of my emotions. I had just heard relieving and terrifying news. I wanted my precious southern bell in my arms, but it seemed so far away. When I walked outside, my tears flowed freely. I pounded my fists against the brick building and then threw my back against them and slide down the wall and cupped my head in my hands. I took several deep breaths and reached for the phone tucked away in my jacket pocket.

Chapter 22

The granola bar lay in my lap as hunger pangs shot through my stomach. I was terrified that the dark keepers of the light may have poisoned it as I contemplated opening and devouring it. They obviously wanted money. The ropes burned my legs as I attempted to shift my position. My body was shivering once I realized where I was once again, and the near freezing temperature had me drifting in and out of consciousness. My energy had completely depleted and I felt weaker than I ever had in my life. The laceration on my face stopped throbbing.

The irritating chorus surrounding me was relentless, although I didn't hear the pounding rain and thunder any longer. As I shifted my weight, the piercing stings in my legs, ass, and hands reminded me that I was apparently on a bed of nails, or what may as well have been, and moving was torture.

Desperation had faded, and I began to reflect on what I had done to deserve this. After several solutions, I reminded myself that self-pity was unbecoming. There was no way I was going to get out of this alive. If they didn't kill me, this environment and cold would. My body twitched involuntarily and the sharp torturous razors embedded further, causing my breathing to become more labored. I accepted the fact that I would likely die here in this dark dungeon.

***

With fear and reluctance, my shaking fingers fumbled through my contacts. I mistakenly kept going back to the main screen and I was growing more frustrated with myself because I couldn't control and manage my own temper. I finally successfully brought up Layla's profile and pressed call. On the third ring, she answered and I felt my heart drop. I didn't even know if I could speak.

"Jason? Are you there?" she asked in her sweet southern style after I had paused.

"Hey there, good evening. I know it's late..." I mustered before succumbing to the full release I needed. I began rambling while hyperventilating. I know what my brain was telling me to say, and I was sure that I was saying it, but I was positive she couldn't make out a word through my sobs and erratic breathing. I am sure all she heard was her son's name, and in conjunction with my current state, she knew something was terribly wrong.

"Jason! Jason! Calm down. Where is Clay? What about Clay? Vince!" she screamed out.

I could tell she was panicked immediately. Perhaps I should have called Vince. I could hear her wailing in the background. Then I heard her heals clinking hurriedly on the marble floor.

"Jason, it is Vince. What is it, son?" he asked calmly.

His voice had a calming effect on me and I took several deep breaths as I applied pressure to my eyes and wiped my cheeks.

Vince was consoling Layla as I regained composure. He was asking her to sit next to him as I began to speak a little more clearly, although my tears were still flowing and my voice and body shaky.

"Jason. Are you okay?"

"No," I stated immediately, "Clay is missing, and I think that he has been abducted..." I began to sob again.

"What?" he demanded, "By whom?"

"I don't know yet. The FBI is initiating a missing person's case. There has been a murder of someone he was mentoring, I think."

"When was Clay last seen, Jason?" he asked. Layla began wailing harder in the background and questioning what the hell was happening. Vince told her to hold on while he got answers.

"FBI. Is there a ransom? Any other leads?"

"Nothing. There's nothing yet. The victim who was murdered is being examined now. There may be trace evidence, but who the fuck knows. I last saw him when I dropped him off at the shelter, and then when he wasn't back at his dorm when he should have been, I went searching. I've been searching since. It's been about four hours. He didn't have his car, I did. He was supposed to take a cab."

"I see," he said more calmly than I would have expected. "Listen to me carefully, Jason. I will be there in two hours tops. I will have the jet readied. Any information the FBI gathers shall be sent to me immediately. I will bring my own insurance and reinforcements. We will find him, and whenever we do, I need you to be prepared for anything. If someone hurts my baby, they will cease to breathe. Do you understand me?" I heard Jeffrey in the background asking what was going on, and consoling Layla.

"Uh huh. Trust me. I do. I will do what I have to do, I can promise you that. I am doing what I can do right now, but nothing I am doing is fast enough. Once trace comes back, I'll let you know. There must be something that can lead us closer to him. Vince, the clothes the victim was wearing is his."

"I see. Well, I'll talk to you soon. Layla needs me, and I must get the teams together and have the jet prepared. We will see you soon. Until then, get closer, and calm down. We will find him," he stated and ended the call.

I was completely confused by his composed demeanor. How could he be? I shoved the questions back and then headed back inside. As I entered the code, SA Nelson was on the other side of the door. "Let's go, McClain," he ordered, and we headed back to Clay's car.

"To the abandoned plant?" I asked.

"Yep, I've called backup" he confirmed.

***

I drifted in and out of consciousness, but the squeaking of mice woke me. I felt something brushing against my thigh. A light, but quick critter ran across my legs in a leaping fashion, scraping my skin with its claws. I was immediately awake and my body jerked to life. I screamed aloud and cupped my mouth, attempting to breathe through my nose. I didn't want the keepers to think I was calling for outside help, or who knows what they would do. I was very aware that mice had surrounded me, and some were even on my legs. I jerked upright and swept my legs as much as I could with my ball and chained length reach. I could tell that there were several I swept off my legs.

"Fuck!" I screamed, and cupped my mouth again. I had no desire to alert the keepers of the light. I could hear the mice trampling around me, and they continued to touch my skin and jump onto my legs. Then I felt the pain of what felt like biting at my feet. I jerked my feet back and kicked as much as I could, and the stabbing pain of the razor like substance on the floor continued to reveal their presence. The pain was excruciating and I cried out for help several times. Within a few seconds, I could hear the heavy footsteps in the background, and the glow entered the room, which was carried only by the large one.

"What the fuck is your problem?" it demanded in its masked voice. Then the light hit my body and it shooed away what mice didn't run away as a result of their interrupted dinner. The light allowed me to assess my body, and I gasped when I realized that I had several bleeding wounds on my calves and thighs. They had bitten me several times.

"Ouch, that looks painful," it said as he kneeled at my side and laughed aloud. I didn't understand how anyone could be so sadistic. "I hope they don't have diseases."

"What the fuck do you care?" I spat out hatefully. It kneeled to its knees and put its ceramic masked face too close to mine. My breathing was rapid and shallow. I could feel its hot breath on my cheek as I turned my head away from its face.

"Oh...I care," it whispered, sounding full of desire. My heart skipped a beat and then pumped faster. Oh, God help me I chanted internally. I felt its hand caressing my knee and then up my thigh. I was powerless. I squirmed and detested.

"No, please, please, don't do this. I beg you. You don't have to do this," I pleaded through labored breaths, to no avail. Its hands spread my thighs as much as the ropes would allow, and although I attempted to straighten my legs by tightening my muscles, I was too weak to combat the powerful hands that now groped my crotch roughly.

"No, pleeeaaasse. Don't!"

"Your resistance is turning me on. Nice package. Peach..."

My heart stopped at the familiar sound as I attempted to see beyond the mask into the eye holes. Darkness is all I could see. Please don't let this be him. Why would he do this to me? In an instant, I felt the weight of the walls crumbling in on me, crushing me until there was no evidence of my existence. "Kyle?" I managed to ask while shaking my head from side to side. "Why?" I was lost in the prospect that he could do this to me when it spoke up.

"I am not that bastard!" it shouted as it smacked my jaw. My ears rang and I could feel my eardrum beating in sync with my heart.

"Ahh," I moaned, "Then who are you?" I demanded.

"Your worst nightmare," it laughed as it ripped the band of my underwear on both sides. The forceful friction of the material burned my skin. I continued to plead for him to stop, but it didn't. It discarded my underwear and turned me over on my stomach. I cried loudly, and pleaded between sobs, but it only seemed to fuel him.

I felt his hardness press against me as he spread my cheeks apart. I clenched, but he smacked my ass hard several times, and the stinging was nearly unbearable on my nearly frozen skin. He pressed his cock to my ass and inserted with one quick, dry jab. The pain was excruciating and I cried out, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. Each thrust felt like a stab, and I knew he was tearing me. The dryness was replaced with what could only be blood. I closed my eyes and squinted, panted, and attempted to breathe through the pain. I prayed it would be over soon, if he didn't rip me apart in the process or if I didn't bleed to death, I knew the cold would kill me soon. The particles on the ground penetrated the entire exposed skin on my front side. This torture was more than I could bear. The relentless pounding continued and my mind went blank - darkness resumed.

Chapter 23

We raced to the abandoned factory off of Route 89. Lightening was streaking all around us in the sky as we parked and took in the site of the building. A large factory that had been neglected for years and worn by the seasons. The sight was frightful, and I prayed that both Clay was there, and hoped at the same time that he wasn't. I couldn't bear the thought of him being held captive in such a dangerous dilapidated building with God knows what inside. I was immediately angered again as I raced toward the building.

"McClain!" SA Nelson yelled. "We don't know what the fuck we're dealing with here. We need to wait for backup!" We had parked a distance from the building in hopes that we wouldn't alert any potential hostiles within.

I knew I was rushing, but I needed Clay to be safe, and I could only blanket him from harm if we found him. I knew it was irrational to speed in. I would do Clay no good if I were dead, or captured myself. How could I ignore protocol and common sense so easily? Well, that was a no-brainer, but I still needed to be careful. Alerting any of the captures could result in more harm to Clay.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"I know you're worried, but we have to be careful. What did his parents say?" he asked.

"They're preparing the jet and bringing in reinforcements."

"Oh hell! This will lead to media exposure and could end negatively if the parents are planning on taking over and being vigilantes. They have to let the law and system work. They cannot interfere!" he stated.

I knew he was right, but he clearly doesn't know who he was dealing with. Any help at this point was needed. Clay's life, my life, depended on this. I didn't respond. I just watched as he brushed his hands through his hair. "Where the fuck is backup?" He was beginning to get angry. I assumed it was because he hadn't had a drink in a few hours.

Lights and sirens could be seen and heard in the near distance, and within minutes, the cavalry of emergency and patrol vehicles were on site, blowing all potential for a discreet entry. The task force team jumped out of the back as the truck came to a stop. They lined the front of the building, and when the leader gave the signal, the iron front door was broken open and they filed into the building in uniform fashion. As we all waited in anticipation for the order from the task force, more emergency personnel arrived and readied equipment. Then the all clear came from within the potential prison holding Clay. Law enforcement charged into the building with their guns aimed, ready for battle. My adrenaline was heightened and I ran in after Nelson.

The main room was open and airy. It smelled of rust and dampness. My eyes darted from one corner to another as the task force continued to break down barriers and move in. My heart raced as I banged the side of my flashlight to secure the short it obviously had. Once I had a solid beam of light I went on my own down the deserted hallway to my right. I carefully opened doors and scoured each room I came to. When I reached the end of the corridor, there were stairs leading down. "Nelson!" I yelled.

I heard his footsteps echoing in the empty hall before I saw him. He knew exactly what I was thinking. "I'll lead, follow me."

We descended the steps into the unknown and Nelson kept his gun drawn and his light ahead of him. The cobwebs were thicker than I had ever seen. There's was no path cleared, indicating it had been years since anyone had taken this route. We moved ahead despite both of us knowing it was a dead end. We landed in an old storage room with boxes on metal shelves that were masked by webs and more webs and at least an inch of dust and debris everywhere. We headed back up and I paid particular attention to the floor and all furniture in search of any small particles that was discovered on the floor. To my disappointment, I couldn't see any. By the time we had reached the other corridors, the head of the task force removed his mask and shook his head.

"Clear Nelson. There's no one here."

I headed back into the clean air and bent over, holding myself up with my hands on my knees, attempting to breathe normally. This had been a bust, leading to nowhere, and more and more time was passing. The nausea and knot in my stomach was the least of my worries at this point. Nelson's heavy footsteps on the gravel alerted me and I stood upright as he put his hand on my shoulder. "You alright, kid?"

"Lost, Nelson. I know that the lab is doing what they can. I just wish like hell that the collection and analysis of trace and DNA didn't take so damn long." I could feel my face flushing with anxiety. I hadn't felt like this since the days following my parent's deaths. I knew it was pushing midnight, and my body should be giving out, but I had a strange energy pulsing through my veins that kept me alert and moving. My mind was racing through all of what we'd learned thus far as I climbed into the passenger seat of Clay's car. Nelson sped away from where I had hoped this nightmare would have ended. Lightening streaked across the sky and lit up the eerie abandoned factory as it faded in the passenger side mirror.

When we arrived back to the lab, there were several more hands in on the process. How long had we been gone? The sterile rooms were filled with people carefully examining evidence. Multiple white coats were scurrying around in methodical movements. I watched in amazement as the units collaborated. I wondered what had broken in the case that explained why all of the assistance had arrived. I immediately scanned the labs for ME Stokes. Nelson followed and we found her sitting in the break room with Vince and Layla DeVero. Jeffrey was standing in the corner in bodyguard stance. He smiled when he saw me.

"Jason," he nodded in greeting. Vince and Layla looked over at me standing in the doorway. I felt ashamed when I saw the fear in their eyes. I immediately dropped my head and allowed the breakdown to free itself from the cage I had been trapping it in. Layla immediately rose and we held one another as we both wept. Through sobs, all I could say over and over was how sorry I was. I blamed myself.

"It's not your fault, son," Vince said as he put on hand on each of our shoulders. "Dr. Stokes has some new information on the case, so why don't we sit and she can update you two," he said, glancing and SA Nelson and I.

"Why didn't you call me?" SA Nelson asked ME Stokes.

"This case hasn't been assigned as far as I know," she said unaffected by Nelson's tone. "Clearly, this is a case of murder, which is what was clearly expected, but I can confirm. I've already called the Assistant Director and informed him of what evidence we have analyzed thus far, as well as the results."

I didn't want to rush her, so I sat silently biting my tongue, wishing she'd just tell us the results. Time was wasting. She continued to explain the how the results were analyzed until SA Nelson reigned her in. "Just give us the results, please."

"Okay. I realize this is a sensitive matter, and time is of great importance, but we're waiting on some crucial results that could tie our victim to your missing person. The victim is in fact who Jason thought it may be, which can raise some eyebrows, Mr. McClain."

"You're not suggesting," I got out before Nelson silenced me. The insinuation insulted me, but I kept quiet.

"Keep going," he demanded of ME Stokes.

"Christopher S. Myers. Very sad ending for him. He had been shot in the femur and a concoction of acids destroyed his facial tissues, presumably the cause of death. The only DNA discovered on his underwear was his own."

I was relieved, but knew what the old bag at the shelter had indicated was not true. Clay would never cheat on me, and was not promiscuous, even in his time before me.

"There were also the same metal fragments discovered embedded in the clothing he was wearing, which Mr. McClain has claimed to be that of missing Clay DeVero." Layla gasped and clutched her face again as Vince consoled her.

"I want to see the clothing," Layla requested softly through her sobs.

"Ma'am, I am afraid that is not possible at the moment, they're being processed for DNA and trace evidence. However, I do have some photos I can show you."

Layla nodded and Stokes left the room.

"I know they're his," I said, barely audible. They're what he was wearing when I dropped him off. "It's his Burberry car coat."

"Oh God, please help him," Layla prayed. ME Stokes reentered and placed the photos face up on the small break table. The photos were of the faceless victim prior to the clothes being completely removed for analysis. Luckily, she didn't show the photos with the head exposed.

"Oh," Layla whimpered, and buried her face in Vince's chest. Vince wiped a tear that had fallen from his eye, and then looked red faced and angry. He banged his fist on the table.

"What the hell do they want?" He demanded of SA Nelson.

ME Stokes didn't give him a chance to answer. "Mr. DeVero, are you positive that the clothes are your son's?" She asked unassumingly.

"If not, the coat is identical. Where do we go from here?" he demanded as Layla continued to sob into his chest.

"There were hairs discovered on the coat, and they are being processed currently. If they are your son's, I am not sure that I can positively identify them as his if he is not in CODIS, the database of known DNA samples. We could compare yours and Mrs. DeVero's samples and then compare; however, that would take a day at least," ME Stokes explained.

"Can't we get his DNA from his dorm?" I asked in a moment of clarity. We can match it then, I know it.

"No need," Jeffrey chimed in. He picked up a black metal case and laid it on the table. After arranging the numbers on both locks, he popped it open. "This is Clay's DNA profile. There is blood, hair, urine, and skin samples. Which would you prefer?" he asked.

I was momentarily dumbstruck.

"Where, or how did you get these?" ME Stokes asked as she stood and peered into the stainless steel and glass vials encased with all that is Clay.

"The heir to billions of dollars. This is standard in the event of kidnapping and hostage. It is updated annually. A part of the services provided by Clay's House, his charitable home," Vince stated as though it should have been obvious.

"The hair samples have roots in place. Do any of the hairs you retrieved from the coat have roots in tact?" Jeffrey asked, and sounded expertly knowledgeable of forensics. I stood in awe. Billions? No wonder someone had taken him, but it had to be someone who knew this.

"Yes, there were two with roots in tact. I'll get these comparisons analyzed immediately.

"Well. This is certainly helpful," SA Nelson stated.

"Yes. Yes, it is. It will take a bit of time, so you all should go try to rest," ME Stokes said as she grabbed the vial containing the hair and headed back to the lab.

"Plan of action?" Vince questioned SA Nelson.

"Let me call this in to the Assistant Director, confirm the case, and we go from there. Put out an APB on Clay, and then a press conference in the morning. Be thinking about the reward for Clay's safe return," he said as he turned to take his leave.

"There's nothing I am not willing to pay. I just want my son home, safe and sound. If he is harmed, those who bestowed harm will cease to breathe, and I promise you of that. If you need to report that, then so you shall," he stated blatantly as he stood and assisted Layla with balancing. Her delicate frame was weak and staggering. Her usual immaculately polished face looked weary, makeup smeared, and her eyes were bloodshot from near constant crying. I felt completely useless and responsible, regardless of their reassurance that I wasn't at fault. Nothing could tell my heart otherwise.

We walked out into the freezing December rain. Jeffrey hurriedly assisted Layla into the back of the black Cadillac limousine. He then joined us under the small awning on the stoop. I knew by their demeanor they had more than just Clay's DNA up their sleeves. There was so much I didn't know.

Chapter 24

Jeffrey ushered Vince and I to the car under a giant umbrella. Once inside, he climbed in and then locked all the doors. He reached for a remote and dimmed the interior lights. Vince poured himself and Layla a brandy, and then offered me the bottle. Reluctantly, I took one large swig. I shuddered as the liquid warmed my interior. Then surprisingly, Layla sat up, wiped her face with a tissue, and restored her make up in a mirror. She looked at us all and sighed. Her face then went hard.

"It is time for business, Jason. Jeffrey has many skills, as I'm sure you've already seen, but he has more in store than you can imagine. My baby is out there somewhere. He's frightened, I can sense it. I know he's close," she whimpered and dabbed the corner of her eyes with a cloth handkerchief.

"In time dear, we must wait for analysis," Vince said as he gently stroked her thigh.

Jeffrey eyed me intently and began drilling me for all of the information I had regarding his day with Clay, the past few days, and anyone that may want to have harmed him. Then it dawned on me. The only person I knew that had it out for Clay was Leo. With this information, he ordered the driver to the dorms. I wondered how the hell he knew where to search for Leo.

We pulled up to the dorm and Layla immediately got out and headed towards Clay's dorm. We followed behind her swiftly. She retrieved a key from her handbag and opened the door. She slipped inside while Jeffrey gently held her back and checked the room for any potential intruders. All was still and the same. My books were splayed open and nothing seemed awry. I could still tell that he hadn't been here. The glass was still where I left it on the nightstand. Clay would have placed it in the dishwasher. The memory of his OCD habits flooded me, and I felt the need to run to the bed and throw myself down and start kicking, like a child tantrumming in a store. It wasn't fair that this was happening and real. Just several hours before, I hoped I was just overreacting by peering through the window's blinds every few minutes because I had expected him to be home. It all seemed unreal. Jeffrey headed out the dorm and down the hall. I was going to follow him, but Vince put a hand on my chest and stopped me.

"He knows what he's doing," Vince told me.

"How? How does he know where to find Leo?" I was as confused as the swan that Bjork had worn at the Oscars.

"Well, that's more complex than we have time for at the moment, but if you insist, I will be blunt about it," he said as he leaned forward and downed his glass of bourbon. "You see, we've always feared Clay moving a distance from the safe haven we've built for him. Clay is delicate, and Layla and I only agreed amongst ourselves to allow him to come here if we secured a practice of monitoring," he said as he poured himself another bourbon, "so, Jeffrey, who is obviously overprotective of Clay agreed to travel here once a week to follow him and ensure he was safe. You see, this was a security measure to which must have been employed to give us peace of mind."

"Does Clay know about this?"

"Oh heavens no," Layla laughed, "He would never agree to it. But, it is what we felt in his best interest and for us of course. He had never been so far out our protection, so we had to do initiate what is termed in our household as Clay Security," she smiled. "We know about his relationship with Kyle, and the only reason he came here was because this is where Kyle had a full ride for soccer," she said while signing air quotes. "We saw it coming, even before Clay filed his application here. Of course, Clay was offered a full ride, but he gave it to Kyle, because we can obviously afford it. It took some convincing, but administration allowed the scholarship to be transferred with a generous donation, of course. Kyle doesn't know this, so it must be kept secret. The Turners know though, but they haven't had the heart to tell him that he was denied the full ride."

"I had no clue you knew about them. I assumed you must, but Clay never confirmed. Kyle was such a dick to him, pardon my language," I immediately apologized.

"Well, Kyle did what he thought he should for his future. None of us blame him, although it was hard to hear the reports from Jeffrey, and to hear the sadness in Clay's voice. Clay was hurt deeply, but thanks to you, he didn't go through it alone. There wasn't much I could do from where I was, without letting him know that I knew it all. Now, I feel so guilty," Layla said as she continued to dab her eyes while attempting to maintain her elegant demeanor. She did well. I, on the other hand, was still a visible wreck.

"So, this operation, has it revealed anything useful that could lead us to him?" I asked, stabbing in the dark.

"Unfortunately not," Vince admitted, "there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary until you called tonight with the news you have shared."

"We need to prepare for the press release. All major network crews can be called in. This can air publically or nationally, whichever you feel best Mr. DeVero. Consider your price," SA Nelson said.

"As we've indicated, Mr. Nelson, there is no amount that I am not willing to pay to have my son back safely," Vince said as he applied pressure at the bridge of his nose. No doubt he was feeling as roughly as we all were, and tired as well. "What price is typical in these situations?"

"Generally speaking, about fifty thousand," Nelson answered.

"Ha!" Layla laughed as she laid down a picture of Clay and Kyle that she had been clutching, "Let's start with at least ten million. Perhaps that will ensure his prompt release and safety."

"We don't even have a ransom, no fucking clue as to where he is. Why hasn't the person, or persons, demanded it by now. It's been six fucking hours!" I yelled, obviously devoid of manners by this point.

"Calm down McClain! You know how this works. If there is no ransom, then the perps will demand it after the press conference. That's likely what they are waiting for. Hype will fuel their demands, feed their ego, and move things forward."

"It's December Nelson! He could be out in this damned cold! Why hasn't the lab called yet?" I was losing control for the umpteenth time. A small crowd was forming outside the dorm door and asking what was going on, and where Clay was. Jeffrey shut the door after demanding they all return to their rooms. Where was the RA when you needed him?

"Jason, honey. You need rest," Layla said as she grabbed me and hugged my neck. I buried my face in her neck and trembled. "You can't save him worn down this way." She was right, but there was no way in hell that I would be able to rest. She released me and I walked over to the chase, and picked up a cardigan Clay had draped over the back. I took it to my nose, uncaring of who was watching. I inhaled his sent. It sent a shiver down my spine and felt a strong hand on my bicep and a stinging prick, and then the room immediately began to swirl and fade to black. I managed to protest, but it was no use. The last thing I heard was Layla's sweet southern voice bidding me sweet dreams.

***

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I could still hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears and throat. My body was shivering so violently that I hurt all over. So this is what hypothermia felt like? Not on my worst enemy would I wish this upon. I was still on my stomach. I remembered what had happened, and immediately I felt the pain deep within. I knew I had been torn badly, but I didn't care anymore. I wished death would be quick, but why so prolonged and agonizing. I could no longer think rationally. I knew I was powerless to change anything, and escape was impossible, even if I had the strength of ten men on steroids. Fact is, I've never had physical strength on my side. I began to pray. Something I had done very little of in my life, but this seemed the most appropriate time in my life to beg for forgiveness and for my loved ones to have strength.

In the midst of my ill-fated prayer, I could hear faint voices in the distance. It sounded as if the keepers were arguing. I strained to listen, which was difficult to do considering the pounding in my ears. A mouse brushed against my nose and I immediately became alert and rolled over on my back and sat up while swinging my arms in the darkness. The pain caused me to vomit, leaving the warmth of the bile running down my stomach. My head was spinning and I clutched both temples and applied pressure with my index fingers in hopes of alleviating the nausea. I took as deep breaths as my body would allow which were shallow and stung my throat. It was getting much colder and although I knew I could barely feel my body, the inside of my sphincter was a constant reminder that I could feel pain and a constant reminder that I was still alive. I couldn't even tell if I was still bleeding. All I could think was that I was ready, God, take me now.

I attempted to refocus on the shouting I heard in the distance. I could vaguely make out that they were angry, but the words in their robotic voices were not clear. The angered voices drew nearer, and my heartbeat faster. The ear piercing screeching of the metal door sliding open caused me to scoot back as far as my restraints would allow. Although the glow of the lantern was welcomed, it made me all too aware of my surroundings. As I peered around the parameter of the light's reach, I could see the reflection of the light in what could only be ice. The light reached my feet and I gasped. My toes were purple, and there were dark streaks up my legs in the veins that were obviously infected.

"Game changer," the smaller one said as it bent down and put the light in my face, causing me to turn away and squint from the unfamiliar intrusion to my eyes, but I refused to close them. "Since this one has obviously enjoyed your company, we must be going. But, we can't exactly leave you like this. I am sorry, but our mission must be moved elsewhere."

"Where are you taking me?" I managed through shivering breaths. I could feel that any second I would be out of it again and possibly for the final time. My heartbeat, although I thought was pounding, had clearly slowed and was irregular. My body was involuntarily convulsing sporadically.

"Nowhere, doll," the big one said. Then it unshackled the foot restraints and pulled out a large rugged knife from its robe. I thought it was the end, but it cut the ropes instead. "Don't fucking try running, pretty boy, or I'll slash your throat where you sit," it threatened.

My legs were freed, and for the first time since being held captive, my brain told me to flee, but my body would not allow what my brain suggested. I couldn't move. My body would not cooperate with my brain at all. I thought for a second that I was paralyzed, but knew that my injuries were not severe enough to induce such in my lower extremities. Then both of them hoisted me up to my legs, and they buckled, causing me to bear my weight on them, and they both let go and I hit the floor with force. My legs ached and my body would not cooperate with what my mind told me to do. What the hell where they doing?

"Get up, faggot!" the small one demanded.

"I can't," I muttered, barely a whisper.

"Of course you can't. FUCK! The bitch is dying, isn't he?" the small asked of the bigger one while punching its chest. "We have to get rid of him!" It shouted.

What did it mean? Just kill me now. I didn't know how much more I could take and I knew escape was impossible. The pain in my feet as I attempted to stand reaffirmed my doubt of running, and thus why they allowed me to hit the floor dead weight. Or perhaps it was puddles of water or blood that had been solidified.

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was hoisted on my feet again and led toward the back left wall of where I had been restrained. The bigger one opened a door while the smaller one entered first and laid down the lantern on a dust covered desk. My head was hanging as the bigger one held me up from behind me. I could see what appeared to be paneled walls. The small one dropped me on the floor and then banged on the walls in a methodical fashion. I was lying on carpet. The feel of plush was comforting despite my knowing fate. I ran my hand through the dusty loops of fabric. From what I could see, it was green and old. An old factory office that had once held who knew how many foreman. I never imagined I would take comfort in decade's old grimy carpet. The beating stopped.

"There's nowhere else. How are we to hide him?" It asked. The smaller one kicked my ribs and I doubled in the fetal position in pain, but then my attempt at self-protection failed as the larger one joined in. There were several feet stomping my sides, legs, and then my face. By the time they were done, I was barely hanging on to consciousness. I was spitting blood when the large one punched the wall several times, and then pulled the entire cheap plank of paneling off the wall. It bent it back and then it revealed a small break in the wall. The large fan at the bottom of the wall gave way to the duct that fed its air.

"Small miracles," the smaller one said.

And then they dragged me to the opening of the wall. Before I knew it, I was being stuffed into the metal air conditioning duct. I was too weak and afraid to fight them off. It was as if everything was in slow motion as my eyes fluttered open and closed. I allowed my battered body to be stuffed in my tomb. The walls became tighter as the light seeping through became dimmer. I heard the loud pounding at me ear. I was being nailed within my above ground grave. I had no doubt that my racing heart would cease to beat sooner that I had ever imagined.

I heard the door slam shut and feet racing on the pavement fade in the distance with the slide of the metal door. I felt around in the darkness and attempted to push against the metal grate. It wouldn't budge. I was so crammed that I couldn't maneuver my body in order to kick it. I tried to no avail. My entire body hurt, and each time I attempted to move any body part, an excruciating pain shot through my body. I could feel my eyes swelling shut. Every move took more effort than the last. Then oblivion followed.

***

The crowd was great. There were at least a dozen news crews pointing their cameras, shining their early morning lights, dozens of key grips, and news vans galore, as well as, hundreds of people behind the roped lines, an ambulance, and dozens of law enforcement flashing cars surrounding a city block. There were advocates galore, and yellow tape as far as the eye could see surrounding the city hall.

I woke with a slight headache from the sedative. I was extremely pissed off that I had been drugged, but I couldn't blame them. I was well past the point of useful at the point the shot was administered. As the DeVero's delivered their tearful pleas for Clay's safe return in front of cameras for all of America to see, I was zoning in and out. SA Nelson and a team of watchful eyes were scanning the crowds for anyone who looked suspicious. Often times, the captures will appear in public at these type press conferences. I looked at them all as suspects, knowing how unrealistic it seemed. I feared the worse. Barely daylight, the sky still looked unpromising for sunshine. There was a wave of murmurs in the crowd as the DeVero's announced their reward for Clay's safe return. Of course, there would be thousands of dead end calls from people who just wanted their hand in the pot.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and my heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Fuck, no. Kyle was calling. I answered hurriedly and made my way out of the crowd.

"Yeah," I spat out.

"What the hell is going on? Where the fuck is Clay?" he demanded, skipping pleasantries.

"If we knew that, then we wouldn't be holding a press conference that I assume you're tuned in to right now, because the DeVero's have paid to override all television programming for this breaking news." I was bitter, and he was clearly hung over.

"Shit! I don't understand, what happened?"

Again, his demands were pissing me off, although I understood completely his concern and confusion. "Someone abducted him after he left the shelter last night. We don't know who. A body was found wearing his clothes, but it wasn't him. Hoping to at least hear something soon from the lab with some forensics, and maybe the abductors will demand ransom after this broadcast. F.B.I. has set up a call center with the latest in tracking tech, the whole nine yards."

"What can I do," he asked pitifully. I could hear his sobs.

"Pray," I said as I pressed end. I had no desire to waste anymore of my time explaining anything to him. The DeVero's could fill him in, or give him a sedative when he broke down later.

I found a bench and propped my head in my hands. The familiar tang of sour whiskey hit my nostrils. "Nelson," I acknowledged. He looked down at me from his aviators.

"There's some news from the lab, let's head over."

"Thank God. Let's go."

Just like that, we were racing the two blocks from the justice center to the lab. When we got there, SA Nelson input the code at the door and we raced back down the familiar sterile hallways to ME Stokes' office.

"Gentlemen," she greeted. "The hair matched the DeVero's sample, so it is clear that the clothing belongs to your missing person, or at least that the missing person came into contact with the coat."

"His name is Clay," I said with more anger than necessary. She looked at me with squinted eyes and returned her gaze to Nelson.

"The shrapnel that was embedded into the victim's body has been identified as pure lead, which can be toxic to the human body with prolonged exposure, especially into the blood stream. Lead was already present in the victim's bloodstream. Trace removed over 300 fragments of lead."

"Jesus," I managed as my eyes began to sting.

SA Nelson continued the conversation as I began once again to zone out and pine over the entirety of the situation. My head was swimming and focusing was nearly impossible as I strained to remain coherent of the information being provided to us. I knew I needed to call Vince and Layla with this new information. I was terrified Clay was exposed and was slowly dying of poisoning.

"How long?" I asked, clearly out of the context of the conversation. Both looked at me confused.

"How long?" ME Nelson asked.

"How long does lead poisoning take to kill someone?" I asked while attempting to breathe.

"It depends upon the level of exposure, the body's immune system, and a number of other factors. But, the victim, based on his toxicology report, could have lasted between one and two days. Why?"

"Oh my God. Clay had to be where the victim was. What if he has been exposed too? He could be running out of time. Nelson, we have to go. We have to find him."

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard. "We have to narrow down the search, Jason. We cannot send teams to every place that could possibly hold lead shrapnel. Get a grip, kid! We have some research to assign. Stokes, thank you," he said as he pulled me by my jacket sleeve and out of her office. We walked the same sterile halls to the door. The cold was brisk as we stepped back outside. It had begun snowing. Great, just fucking great. There was a fine dusting of snow blanketing everything it touched. It seemed menacing to me in a manner that it had never before. Generally, I would welcome it, revel in its beauty and wonder, but today, everything seemed minister and cruel. I felt my heart had hardened overnight. There was no consoling my broken heart. Only Clay's presence would amend it. I could see his precious face in my mind, I could hear his southern voice and charming laugh in my ears, and I could feel his smooth skin at my fingertips. I shuddered and caught my breath as Nelson spoke with someone animatedly on the phone as I heard a breathed voice yell "Wait!"

It was the small, round man that had given the preliminary the night before regarding the foreign substance embedded victim the night before. He was obviously out of shape and cupped his hands over his knees and bent over attempting to catch his breath in the brisk cold air.

"Wait, please," he said. "I think you should narrow the search to the old factories. I've lived here all my life," he managed before inhaling a deep breath and coughed, "I know of about a dozen closed factories that specialized in using only lead. Based on the aging of the lead particles, I would comfortably say that they were once underground exposed by water and mold, amongst many other elements."

The man stood upright. SA Nelson and I approached him at the same time. SA Nelson had his interrogatory face on, so I chimed in, immediately sobered and determined.

"We were just discussed weeding out options and our research. What do you mean underground?" I asked pointedly.

"I mean, they most likely came from a basement of sorts. Must have been a place where lead was shaved and/or shaped. There were about a dozen of those factories in the early 50's through the 70's in this area. Where did you say your friend was last seen?"

"At the Speak Now headquarters and homeless shelter, the one that specializes in the gay population on the east side."

He scratched his balding head for what seemed like an eternity while we watched him speculate whatever was spinning in his mind. My impatience was obvious as I threw my hands toward him in a questioning motion.

"Is that the area where GiGi's is located?" he asked.

"Yes, that's my aunt's place and it is across the street." I answered, wanting more answers than he had provided.

"Oh, dear. That old building was once a manufacturer of lead piping. It is still standing?" he asked.

My heart felt like it stopped dead in its tracks. SA Nelson's eyes widened as he grabbed my lifeless body and swung it toward him.

"Jason, we have to call in reinforcements. Call the DeVero's. I'll call back-up."

Chapter 25

I stood full of adrenaline and ready to fight as we faced the entrance to the shelter to which Clay had devoted his time and money in to in order to provide quality services to people he'd never met, people he didn't owe a debt to. People, who had possible deceived him. Anger boiled inside my veins and I was ready to open fire without a gun. After my call to the DeVero's informing them of the developments in leads, they had called in reinforcements of their own. The crowd and news crews had already formed, causing a hell of a security breach in rescue mission. Local law enforcement had called in all of their reinforcements solely to combat the thousands of people that had gathered to witness the action unfold. But, little did they know that this could be a bust, yet they stood in the cold and snow to bear witness to what we all hoped would be a rescue mission. To me, it was not just merely a human being. He was the man that allowed me to breathe - my life, my love.

The bitch that had insinuated that Clay had ran away with the victim in the lab peered out of the middle blinds of the only window at the front of the building. Nelson had to wait for the clearing of the task force team. Vince and Layla were blanketed by Jeffrey's protection next to me. They seemed to be completely engrossed as they stared blankly forward. It seemed odd that they finally seemed vulnerable and at a loss as to what to do. They had seemed to have all the composure and answers in the world before we knew that this could be the place where our precious could be, and even Vince was shedding tears. Jeffrey held them both close under an oversized umbrella.

The task force entered the shelter as SA Nelson and I stood impatiently waiting for their all clear. I wanted to race in and search every nook and cranny, but I couldn't. My mind told me to race in, but I knew that could compromise the entire operation. I had to wait patiently just as every bystander on the crowded streets. Did they not understand how dangerous this could be? Did no one understand that their presence could potentially cause more harm? This type of intrusion into a perpetrator's plan could end in death to the victim, solely due to the presence of outsiders. The knowing nearly caused me to collapse. The snow continued to fall, increasing its coverage. I looked back over my shoulder, and over the heads of the crowd, I could see Aunt GiGi's red hair and face peering toward the building. I warmed internally despite Jack Frost's company.

After what appeared an eternity, a black suited and masked man carrying a lethal weapon came out the front door and called an all clear. My heart sank. Clay wasn't here? I couldn't bear the thought of continuing the search of the multiple factories. For all we knew, he could be in someone's basement or an array of other places. Layla began sobbing uncontrollably as I walked forward. My body seemed to move uncontrollably toward the front door. Nelson was on my heels as I sped up. I ended in a sprint past the task force leader at the front door.

The front office smelled of a weird combination of stale coffee and vanilla. Miss Bates sat behind an old gray steel desk. Her face was uncaring and annoyed. I wanted to punch the old bitch. She had to have seen the news last night and the press conference this morning, yet, she still seemed cold. Her dark eyes were as hard as they had been the night before, and the tightness of her brows and tight straight-lined lips portrayed her disgust. Then she laughed and revealed her unsightly grill with missing teeth, blackness, and stubs. A black-suited officer led her out of the office and her ominous laugh echoed off the walls. I couldn't help but watch them drag her outside and hand her off to local law enforcement where she was led to the back seat of a local police cruiser.

I entered the door that Nelson held open and entered a large open room with many tables, a buffet, and shelves with games and supplies. There was one opening in the wall to the right that revealed stairs. There were many people lined against the open walls with task force officers holding them at bay. Everyone looked confused and frightened, and even some that looked as if they didn't know where they were at all. The beige colored cinderblock walls appeared institutionalized and unreal. Nelson and I walked up the paneled walled and narrow staircase. At the top of the landing, all we could see were bunk beds lined at each wall. There was a window at the end of the line of bund beds, and nothing else within view. We walked to the window. As we turned around to head back down, we both took silent cues and began to inspect under the beds and the walls on our sides. There was nothing but carpet and stray belongings. There was no way this area led to another. It all seemed hopeless as we descended the stairs.

We walked back through the open room where people were being held captive against the walls by the task force. We reached the door the small office when a hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. I immediately jerked my arm back and turned to the hand that had grabbed me.

"I know'd this buil'n as a kid" an older man with sporadic long hair with lines written all over his face said. I looked at his cautiously as I peered in his aged blue eyes. "My daddy worked here when I was a kid. I know this build'n."

"What are you saying?" I asked as I wiped my wrist clean. This old man had one eye that was as white and tainted blue as a crystal ball, the other was as brown as mud. I shivered and SA Nelson stepped forward between us. His face was a roadmap of wrinkles and age spots.

"What is it that you mean, sir?" Nelson asked abruptly.

"Well," the old man started, "It will cost you," he stated.

"Cost me what? If you have information, withholding it could mean that you are obscuring an investigation and that could mean jail time old timer, so what the fuck do you mean?" Nelson warned.

"I want in on the millions offered by his parents."

Nelson rolled his eyes and shuffled his hands to hips in annoyance. I knew to stay silent. "So you just want some money," he said as he reached in his back pocket, retrieved his wallet and withdrew and twenty dollar bill and shook it in the old man's face.

"Ha!" the old man snarled, "Clay is a kind man, he treated us all as with kindness. We all really r'spect 'em. He's made a diff'rence here. I don't want your money, I don't want their money, really. I was just blindsided by the broadcast this morn'n, I just want that boy safe."

He sounded so sincere that I believed this old man and felt sorry for him.

"If the DeVero family were to pay you and give you a fresh lease on life, what it is that you can tell us that would lead us to Clay?" Nelson asked. I felt like my heart had stopped beating as I waited for a response.

The old man leaned forward and said, "This is only one small part of the build'n. It goes down and back beyond what you see." His strange eye seemed to glow. My body shuddered.

With that information, SA Nelson pulled me into the small entrance office. "Look at this place, the old man is right. From the outside, this building looks huge. The front of this building is only the beginning, but there was no penetrating the rest of this place. What ..."

I interrupted, "Let's find the entrance below."

I was more than confident as we headed back through the front door where it seemed even more thousands of people waited. On the front line I saw the parents of the man I loved more than life being shielded by their protector. My body froze as I scanned the rest of the crowd. Snow fell on all that waited for resolution. A resolution that no one knew would come. A gut feeling came over me, and I walked to the alley that was so ominous before and had drawn me there the night before. Why didn't I listen to it?

"There must be a back or side entrance to this building. The old man must not be so crazy," he said as he kept up with my pace.

We passed several dumpsters, rodents, and abandoned cardboard makeshift homes that had been destroyed by the weather. Several footsteps were heard behind us in rhythmic fashion. We scanned every brick of the old building that seemed to last an eternity. We finally reached the end of the building where there where weather beaten indents in the bricks. They seemed to be lower level windows. Nelson dropped first and started clearing the weather beaten glass panes with his sleeves. The outer layers revealed nothing but opposite blindness from years of neglect just inside the interior. Black uniforms rushed past us. Nelson and I gave up on the windows and rushed to the back, but before we caught up with the task force, they had already found a door and were preparing to break it in. With one fluid swing the door metal door caved in. In the same fashion as before, the task force piled into the forgotten factory.

We stood outside, and by this time, a fleet of crime scene investigators and emergency personnel had formed in the alley. I stood impatiently waiting for the clear when we heard it. Someone from a lower level yelled "We've got a crime scene." My knees buckled, but I managed to stay on my feet. A thousand thoughts and emotions flooded my brain. I raced inside, ignoring Nelson's protests, but he stayed on me heels.

The building was lit by the dozens of flashlights and lanterns the task force had placed around on old shelves and tables holding grinding sanders, and an array of other rusted equipment. I took the steel stairs a couple of steps at a time until I was on the wet concrete floor. There were mice scurrying around and I cringed and kicked them out of my way. Light shone on a site that I could barely stomach.

I could hear people talking, but I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. I walked toward the area that several of the task force was standing around. There was a sliced rope in pieces and two metal shackles drilled into the floor. There was a mix of blood and other bile in large puddles. "Oh, God, no. No!" I screamed as Nelson pulled me back. It only got worse. The opposite side of the wall held two shackles drilled into the brick wall. Below them on the floor held a pile of reddish and pinkish sludge. This scene was something straight out of a Rob Zombie horror flick. My body was shaking all over and I felt nauseous. I turned my head and saw on the floor ripped black fabric. Ignoring protocol I walked over and picked up the fabric that was already frozen stiff. D&G was written across the torn elastic band and there was a snag in the fabric. Clay's underwear. I dropped the fabric as Nelson asked what it was.

"Clay's underwear. Where the fuck is he, Nelson?"

"I don't know, but they're still scouring the building. This is a murder scene, son. I know you know that. But, that doesn't mean that he is dead, we only have one body. He may have been moved. You have to keep calm."

"Keep calm. Do you realize what you just fucking said? How the hell am I supposed to be calm right now?" I lost it. I was enraged. I feared he had been taken somewhere else and that we were too late. How was I supposed to be calm when the love of my life could be lost forever, or possibly dead? The diversion I needed from Nelson came through an all clear announcement. There was no one here. I closed my eyes and focused briefly. I became aware that the temperature was much lower in this dungeon than outside, which was typical in this type structure. I raced back up the stairs and headed back outside to catch my breath and clear my head. I could never unsee what I had seen in there. Jeffrey approached me with Vince and Layla.

"Well?" Layla asked through her sobs. I couldn't look at her in the eyes immediately. I shook my head and allowed tears to fall.

"This is the murder scene. Clay had been here, too. He's not down there. No one is here according to the task force."

"He's here! I can feel him," Layla stated while shaking my by my shoulders and giving me a hug, sobbing into my shoulder. I believed her. I could feel him too, but it seemed impossible.

"I'm going back in," I said abruptly as I headed back inside. Nelson was coming out of a back room.

"Looks like the headquarters back that way. Someone in that shelter had to have seen or heard something. I have asked they quarantine the shelter and no one leaves or enters under no circumstance until everyone is interviewed. I have a couple of colleagues on their way to start the interrogatories. I want answers." His voice was shaken. I could tell this scene was taking its toll on him as well. The grotesque brutality of it all was unthinkable. I could only hope that Clay had not been subject to torture or worse. To think that sweet Clay, who never harmed a fly could fall victim to this level of violence and depravity. I snapped out of my reverie and began searching every corner. What were we missing here?

"We have to be missing something, Nelson. He's here. He has to be. I can feel it." I knew he must have thought I had gone crazy and was blinded by the lack of objectivity due to my personal involvement, but I didn't care. My gut told me he was here, and my gut rarely lies.

"The search has just begun. I'm sure we'll find something if not him." He sounded reassuring but I couldn't be comforted. All hope seemed lost, although I knew it wasn't and that I couldn't force myself to believe that it was. The air was musky and damp. It was hard to breath in the coldness of the winter, and each breath was more difficult than the last. I fought off hyperventilation.

I grabbed a lantern from the nearby table and walked over to the wall where the shackles were drilled into the bricks. There were two soaked piles of brick dust on the floor, an indication that the shackles were recently installed. I tiptoed around the sludge, careful to not disturb any potential evidence. The C.S.I. team had already flooded in and the flashes of multiple cameras had an eerie strobe like effect in the darkness of this torturous dungeon, reminding me of an underground rave. I could see no evidence of any hidden shoots or breezeways. I walked over and kneeled where the shackles were drilled into the floor. I surveyed the area with careful eyes. There was no chance of finding footprints or any other evidence that would lead to a path due to the half inch of water flooding the floor. There were patches of ice forming causing many to skate and struggle to keep their balance. I placed my hand on the floor where Clay had presumably been restrained. A sense of calm and warmth flooded my mind and body. Every sense I had was telling me he was here, or he was close.

I looked over to the left and noticed a door that had been left open. I entered the room. There was green shag carpet and a weathered desk and leather chair. A single filing cabinet sat beaten in the corner. The walls were paneling and there were holes throughout. Small dark stains on the carpet caught my attention and I knelt to the floor and ran my hand over the stains. It appeared to be dried blood. I gasped and called for C.S.I. to come in. A young female entered and knelt beside me. Wordlessly, she began to snap photos and place yellow numbered markers beside the stains. My heart beat faster. Either Clay or the victim had been in here, unless one of the assailants had been injured. I hoped to hell they had been. My face flushed and the heat was comforting. I was well aware I was trampling all over potential evidence, but at that point, I felt closer to him.

I raised the lantern to assess the walls carefully. There was nothing I could ascertain of importance. I was turning to walk out the door when I saw a trickle of a dark substance that had leaked from the base of a grate in the wall. I scrambled over to the grate and ran my finger across the substance and red flakes tainted my index finger in the LED light. It appeared to be dried blood. My hands were shaking as I lifted the lantern to the grate. It was so full of dust and cobwebs that I couldn't see through the downward slanted slats. My heart raced faster and I dropped the lantern and my fingers hurriedly traced the uppermost portion of the grate. I couldn't pry my fingers between the grate and wall at any of the four sides. It had been nailed to the wall, rendering the opening clasps useless.

"Get me something to pry this off, now!" I shouted to no one in particular. Jesus, let him be here. "Clay! Baby, are you here? Oh, God, help me. Hurry!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Within seconds Nelson and uniformed men rushed in by my side. One of the task force members used a crowbar to carefully pry open the grate. The sound of nails screeching against the wood was bone chilling. My breathing became labored as the sides of the grate were pried open and then I immediately forced my way past him and pulled the grate down to the floor. The sight before me was beautifully excruciating. Just inside the hole in the wall was a barely recognizable human shape upright in a fetal position. I reached in to touch him, but strong arms pulled me back as I kicked in protest. Medical personnel rushed past me to retrieve him. It was as if there were no sound and all I could focus on was the unmoving body inside the duct.

I watched in horror as they lay who appeared to be lifeless Clay on the carpet. His face was dark purple in blotches while eerily white and his lips were blue in the limited light of the dark forgotten office. His body was horribly battered from what I could see beyond the blood that covered nearly every inch of his nude body. I wrestled to my knees beside him. I touched his face. His skin was ice cold. We were too late. I screamed his name and whispered my love and for him to wake up through my sloppy sobbing and snot. I hadn't even realized the state I was in. Medical personnel were searching frantically for any signs of life. His beautiful face was beaten, swollen, and frozen. I watched his chest for any signs of breathing, but I couldn't tell. I was petrified because I knew the rhythm of his heart and breathing, and this wasn't normal, if anything. An EMT was hovering with his ear over Clay's mouth, while another searched his neck gently in numerous locations.

"Found it, a pulse. It's very weak. Get the gurney now!" the male EMT demanded. Another one put a breathing apparatus and pumped air into Clay's lungs. Relief flooded me as the EMT continued barking orders. "He's in shock, possibly hypothermic induced. There's blood in his ears, nose, and throat, so he's likely bleeding internally. Let's go!"

I instinctively began shedding clothing. I knew skin to skin contact was his best chance. The male EMT asked what I was doing and informed me that it felt as if several of his ribs were broken. My heart sank, although I shouldn't have been surprised considering the severity of his external injuries. I was rampant inside and just wanted to start opening fire at anyone who neared him. I continued to discard clothing and when they lifted Clay's unconscious body to the gurney, I slid in beside him, completely nude. Clay's body was glacial and it took my breath when my skin made contact with his. I didn't care. I wanted his body to absorb all my warmth, even if that meant me taking all of his iciness. I kissed the side of Clay's face and whispered into his ear how much I loved him. I molded my body to his, hoping for me to feel any sense of his soul. It only took a moment for me to feel his weak heartbeat against mine. They used to be in sync, but now, his was much weaker and irregular. Hurry! Nelson covered us with a blanket as they began to wheel us out. Four brawny EMTs carried us up the steep steps.

"I love you. Please don't leave me. I am so sorry...so sorry," I whispered into his ear. I couldn't imagine a pain worse than what was tearing through me. I was relieved, distraught, and furious as hell. How could someone do this to him? No one deserved this. There was dried blood all over his body, as if he'd been a victim of a Carrie prank. My only purpose was to hold him and warm him. I would've gladly traded places with him. My eyes continued to see red as we were wheeled out of the building and into the December morning snow.

Snow was falling with more purpose. There were cries from people in the crowds, gasping, and shouts of anger at no one in particular, other than the fact that a beautiful person who was attempting to make a difference in this very community had been betrayed. People were in shock that something like this could occur in their quaint little community. News cameras were everywhere. Layla, Vince, and Jeffrey rushed to the side of the gurney and they all gasped and cried when they saw Clay's motionless and battered face. Layla fell over us and hugged us, balling and cursing like I had never heard her before. Distraught was not the descriptive I would use to explain her loss of control.

"He's alive, barely, but alive," I assured them as they loaded us in the back of the ambulance. "He's possibly hypothermic and unconscious. I'm providing body heat, so Layla, please ride with Vince and Jeffrey. We're both nude."

"Oh, Lord help him. I understand, we'll be right there," she sobbed and Jeffrey and ushered them both back through the crowd with other black suited men clearing our way.

The news teams were frantically attempting to get statements and force their cameras into our face. I knew that this was live feed and now the entire community would see Clay in this beaten state, and he would too eventually. There was no way to protect him from it. Suddenly, safe from the outside cold, I felt the most beautiful heartbeat in the world beat stronger. I cried and kissed his face over and over, gently, as to not harm him. I eased myself off the gurney and sat beside him, holding his hand while the EMTs worked him over and inserted an IV pick line. An EMT gave me a pair of scrubs that I threw on quickly. I cupped both my hands over his right hand. There seemed to be no muscle movement in his body at all.

When they removed the blanket from his body, I gasped and could feel bile rise in my throat. Tears rolled down my face as I could see the full extent of his injuries under the light. There was deep bruising in the shape of what appeared to be boots all over his small frame, amongst other bruising. There were glimmers of metal fragments dancing in the light of the ambulance. His chest was sunk in on the right side. There was a deep cut on his cheek. There were bite marks on his feet and legs. I closed my eyes and shook my head as if that would make it all go away. The EMTs were speaking in medical jargon as they communicated with the expecting physician at the hospital.

"This metal has poisoned him, tell them!" I demanded. "The ME at the lab said the other victim was already poisoned by these metal fragments."

They communicated my concern and examined the fragments. Then they injected a substance in his pick line.

There was a visible fresh blood stain between Clay's legs. His entire groin was black. The EMT spread and lifted his legs then noted to the person on the other line something to the effect of sexual assault with severe anal injuries. At that point, the weight of the world appeared to crush me and my eyes must have been wider than they ever had been. I brushed Clay's hair back from his forehead and kissed him softly and held my lips to his cheek. All I could manage to do was continue to apologize to him as they stuffed sterile bandages between his cheeks. I whispered my love and encouragement for him to continue to fight in his ear. I prayed he could hear me. I had to believe that he could. I reassured him that I would make whoever did this to him pay. I had already felt like I had failed him.

When we pulled up to the ER entrance, they immediately pulled Clay out of the ambulance and I stepped out, bare feet and only in the thin scrubs provided to me by the EMTs. Layla, Vince, and Jeffrey were already there waiting. Layla wrapped a blanket around me and they ushered me inside. Jeffrey brought me a cup of coffee. We all watched in horror and relief as they wheeled Clay back into a surgical area. We sat silently for a long time. None of us wanted to acknowledge what we had just witnessed. I couldn't speak of what I had seen and heard on the ambulance. I think I was nearly in shock. I should have felt relief, but there was none. We had no idea if he would survive this. Had he opened his eyes and spoke, I may have been better equipped to manage this doubt and fear.

Chapter 26

The media had followed us and hospital security and F.B.I. did their best to ward off any bystanders and reporters. We were all in an emotional haze as we waited to hear something, anything to give us peace of mind. Jeffrey had made what seemed a hundred phone calls to God who knows. Layla had been on the phone securing plastic surgeons from Beverly Hills and medical specialists from Vanderbilt Medical Center. Vince was discussing all things involving the case with the Assistant Director of the F.B.I., amongst many others I couldn't make out. There had still been no ransom, but that was out the window at this point, other than to perhaps to serve as a lure. Although the DeVero's had authorized to release money to the old man who led us to the back of the building, although it would have been found without his help, eventually. Their thoughts were that he may not have been found as quickly without the lead to go to the back. SA Nelson set up that reward with the local PD. His smiling old face had already been interviewed and his heroic tale was greatly exaggerated in his special brand of hillbilly accent.

I got up and paced the private waiting room the DeVero's had secured. I don't know how long I had been pacing when Nelson arrived. He tossed a bag at my feet and I realized they were my clothes. As I dressed in the open, uncaring at this point and laced my shoes, I listened to Nelson as he informed us of the progress made at the scene. It appeared that some people heard things in the shelter, noises, but saw no one. They had assumed it was the sounds the old building made. Some distinctively remember what sounded like a metal door sliding. Others indicated the storms drowned out the possibility of hearing anything outside the clapping thunder and pounding of the rain. Nelson said that when they learned of what happened, there were lots of tears and sorrow for both the victim and for their friend and mentor, Clay. No one could imagine why anyone would want to hurt him, unless it involved money. Of course it did.

As we sat mulling over the possibilities, a blue scrubbed doctor walked in and removed his mask. We all stood in anticipation and fear of what we were about to hear. Just as he started to speak, the Turners and Kyle walked into the room. Mrs. Turner immediately raced and embraced Layla and they sobbed together momentarily. Mr. Turner shook Vince's and Jeffrey's hand. Kyle looked worn, worried, and hung over. He slumped down in a chair, not making eye contact with anyone. I wanted to punch him. Pounding his face could just be the therapy I needed. The doctor allowed us all to regain composure before he spoke. We all listened silently when he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Mr. and Mrs. DeVero?" he asked and they both stepped forward silently. "Your son is in very critical condition." Layla laid her head in the nook of Vince's neck and wept. Mrs. Turner placed her hand on her shoulder, and Mr. Turner a hand on hers.

"He has sustained four broken ribs. One of the ribs punctured his lung and it collapsed. He's headed into surgery for repair now. A mesh will be inserted to stabilize his lung as it is inflated. The mesh will disintegrate in time. There are severe contusions all over his body. A three and a quarter inch laceration on his face that is infected. There are rodent bites on his feet and shins. He also has a concussion on his cranium. I wish that were all the bad news at this point, but there is more," he announced. We were all shocked into silence as he continued, other than gasps and weeps. "He was sexually assaulted and a rape kit has been initiated. There may be DNA evidence, we're not positive at this time. His internal anal injuries are quite severe and will require surgery to repair."

Kyle burst into tears, which only made me want to punch him that much more. Jeffrey was balling his fists and rubbing them together while biting his lower lip. Through the darkness of his skin, I could tell he was seeing red. For the first time, I could see tears forming in his eyes. Such a tough and gentle man, I could tell from the start that Clay was a part of his heart. I wondered how long he had been with the DeVero's. Probably since Clay was a baby, or before.

"We did find human skin embedded in his right fingernails. He may have scratched his assailant. His organs are not functioning properly. They are all still alive, but it will take time for them to wake up. He is unconscious. I realize you all need answers that only he can provide, given he pulls through this; however, we will put him in a medication induced coma after his surgeries. There is no way we can allow him to be conscious through the long recovery with his organs not functioning properly. There would be no way we could administer him the amount of pain medication it would require to make him comfortable without risking overdosing him. I know you all may have many more questions, but he needs me now. I'll call after he's in recovery."

With that he was gone. We all then broke down, even Jeffrey. None of us expected the extent of what we'd just learned. I saw it with my own eyes, but it was still hard to hear from a medical expert. Again, sobs and void filled the room, until he spoke.

"I threw him away. He loved me and I threw him away," Kyle said, barely audible. "This is my fault," he said as he finally looked up at the DeVero's and then to his parents. I felt badly for him, because I knew it wasn't his fault, it was mine for leaving him there against my better judgment.

Mrs. Turner walked over to Kyle and he looked up at her. She reared her hand back and slapped him across the face. We were all just as stunned as he was. Mr. Turner briskly walked over to her and held her shoulders. "What is wrong with you," Kyle asked, clearly hurt by his mother's aggression towards him.

"You smell like a damned brewery, and then you walk in here and have the nerve to show self pity. How dare you. How could you do this to him after all he has done for you and our family?"

We were all confused as to what she meant, but Kyle spoke up and asked what she meant. "You threw him away, isn't that what you just said? Is it?" she demanded, angry in her southern voice. "Why? For that damned whore you tainted our home with?"

Layla walked over and attempted to console Kyle at that point and turned to Mrs. Turner. "Calm down, please. Not here, not now," she whispered.

"You knew?" Kyle asked, looking up at his parents, obviously gaining courage from Layla's embrace.

"Of course we knew, Kyle. We saw the way he looked at you, and how you looked at him. Why on earth would you throw that away? No offense, Jason, you are a lovely young man," as she looked at me apologetically, "I just need answers from Kyle," she said as she turned back to face Kyle. "Did you think that we would care?"

"Yes. I thought you would care," he said as he stood. Layla followed. "I love him, but it is all over now. I just need for him to know how much I care. It's too late, but I need for him to know that I never wanted to hurt him. I do love him, and I always will. Jason that is something you are going to have to understand. I would never disrespect you though. You're good to him. You saved him when I shit all over him," he sobbed as he raced out of the room. No one followed him. I think we were still stunned by the occurrence and revelation.

"Forgive my forwardness. I just don't understand him sometimes," Mrs. Turner apologized as she took her seat. Layla sat beside her and held her hand, knowing.

Hours past as we waited impatiently taking turns ordering espressos and pacing the floor waiting for additional news. When the phone rang, we all jumped and Vince answered. Vince, a man of few words in these particular situations I've learned recently was hard to read as he received news from the person on the other end of the line. Layla stood and joined his side. She placed her hands on his back as she leaned into him. I couldn't help but admire their love. I only hoped to see my love with Clay to that fruition.

When he hung up, he hugged Layla and cried on her shoulder. "He's out of surgery and in recovery. He pulled through well. He's still in critical condition and is not out of the woods, but there is hope. Oh, thank God. There is hope," he reiterated as he looked at the rest of us. I wept with joy and relief and Vince and Layla knelt before me and joined me in a group hug. Thank the heavens above. There was hope in the wake of all this tragedy.

***

"Where the hell are you Coraline, return my call!" I shouted to her voicemail as I slammed the phone down on the nightstand. I kept stewing over the embarrassment my mother had caused me at the hospital. I fucking came out, didn't I? Oh, well. It doesn't matter now. The only guy I ever loved that way was forever out of my grasp now, unless I could convince him to leave Jason. There was a fat chance of that happening. The way the doctor spoke, we're lucky Clay's even still alive. The thought devastated me.

I hadn't seen Coraline in a couple of days and she hadn't called, texted, or even stopped by, which was highly unusual. She had been acting distant before that. She's probably fucking someone else. That's just what I deserved. Hell, I fucked Clay at the beginning of our relationship. Clay didn't deserve my brand of asshole in his love life. I knew that, but selfishly wanted him now more than ever. Especially considering we just about lost him. Especially considering Captain Jason had wiggled his way into my place. My heart flipped at the thought.

***

The inner beauty of Clay is endless. He trusted people and gave everyone the shadow of a doubt even when they didn't deserve it, including me. I shadowed him and lusted after him for so long. When I got the chance to lay with him, he blanketed and bask in his glory, I took every opportunity. He has an aura that calms me, calms everyone around him with his never-ending positivity and happiness. His light was angelic, and for him to have been tortured was unfeasible, unjust, and downright ungodly. How could have this happened to him? That was a question that could never be answered, one that could never be justified, and one that could never be explained.

Clay's special devotion to humanity and goodness was taken for granted and I was sure there was no superior being looking down and ensuring his safety. I knew bad things happened to good people, but to Clay, there was no logic. The heavens were lost to me. How could I believe those bible school teachings, and Christian lectures? As much guilt as I felt in that realization, the more determined I felt to find the truth. The truth about why, how, and who had harmed my precious Clay.

The blue scrubbed doctor came into the room again, and this time, without a mask. We all sat upright as we waited for his deliberation.

"He is stable. I must warn you all that you will not see him. His entire body is wrapped to prevent any foreign infections. He is extremely fragile, but if you will all don sterile garb then I will allow you to see him for a brief moment. His entire body is covered, but I know it will do you all good to be near him, and it will do him good also. Ignore all of the equipment. He has breathing apparatuses and monitors galore, but we are assessing every vital sign, organ, output, and anything else you can imagine. He cannot breathe on his own right now considering his infections and low functioning organs, and one repaired collapsed lung. We can have the sterile room for you all to undergo sterilization before you go back in just a minute. Follow me," he ordered.

We all followed suit as he lead us back and entered numerous codes on security devices on the walls to the left of every door we entered. Every door was a barrier to our love, and it seemed more inconvenient, but necessary considering our unique situation as we moved forward. There were men in black just inside every coded doorway. This must have been the reinforcements the DeVero's had called in, because each wore the same suit, even those just outside our waiting room. These were not F.B.I. agents.

When we all entered the sterilization room, we were all the more eager to pull on the sterile outer clothing demanded by the doctors. There were at least six white coats standing before us. The DeVero's influence had expanded far beyond my knowing. We all donned every protective gear known to man, including masks and hairnets. We certainly didn't need to expose him to any potential threats to his immune system.

We walked through the final door. The room was extremely bright. Stainless steel was everywhere and Clay was lying in a bubble. He was completely mummified. We could only see tubes running from his nose and mouth and wires from underneath the cotton to different machines. The sight was horrifying and delightful at the same time, just knowing that he was underneath the bandages healing, breathing and alive. There were machines lines against the wall. Hundreds of beeps sounded throughout the room. The sound of air being forced into Clay's lungs was strangely reassuring. My heart ached for him. He was lying there so still. Layla sat down in a chair beside him. Vince stood over her shoulder. I could tell that she wanted to just as badly be able to touch him as I, but we couldn't. We would have to be patient, which was easier said than done.

"In about a week, we will begin to remove bandages. Right now, he is too fragile to risk exposing him to any outside elements. Because he is young and takes good care of himself, he should heal more quickly than some would. He survived a horrific event that some people would not have. We removed about four hundred-fifty metal fragments from his body through magnetic retrieval. We've released those fragments to the F.B.I. for analysis. He's been lead poisoned by that exposure. We have to monitor his temperature closely. Right over there," he pointed to a glassed boxed station where there were several people in scrubs, "those folks will be here around the clock. He's in good hands. Mrs. DeVero, your surgeons have arrived. When they are given the clear by me, they can perform surgery to eliminate scarring and reconstruction."

No one spoke. We just listened and stared at our mummified Clay after the doctor joined the other teams. It was as if we were trapped in a twilight zone, as if this type of tragedy never occurred to good people. Whoever did this to him would know what a gay man scorned could unleash.

After approximately fifteen minutes, we were asked to leave. It was as if we were all walking the green mile as we were forced out of his room. I wish I could see his beautiful face, even in its current state, which would all be beautiful to us. He will be devastated when he sees himself, and although I dreaded it, I also couldn't wait for him to wake up and communicate and have his deserved and expected meltdowns. I wondered if he would think that I failed him. I certainly blamed myself enough. Depression was threatening to consume me, and I wondered if it was in the water, because everyone was in a state of mourning even though we had much to be thankful for. Is this part of the grief process, or perhaps post traumatic stress disorder? I didn't know considering my involvement in this case, otherwise, it would have been easy to assess.

"I'll be in touch. I am headed back to the dorm. I don't want to leave, but I have to get out of here," I said as I enveloped Layla into a hug.

"Wait just a moment, please," Layla requested. She pulled me back into the private waiting room after we discarded our sanitary gear. She reached into her small handbag and retrieved a small handgun. An expensive Sig Subcompact. I instinctively looked around to ensure we had no company. I shouldn't have been surprised when we were guarded by men in black.

"Find it and do what is necessary," she said coldly. There was hatred in her baby blues. A feeling we all had become accustomed to over the past several hours.

"I will."

"Six rounds, partner," Jeffrey stated as he packed his gadgets into his black steel case and walked out the door.

"Where is he going?" I asked.

"Just doing his thing," Vince answered.

"Find 'em son, please. We won't leave Clay's side, and we've arranged for a living quarter next to his quarantine. Reporters and such will be crawling, so the Assistant Director is sending in security at this entire wing."

"I'm headed back to Clay's dorm. I need to get my head on straight."

With that, I shoved the gun in the back of the band of my boxers and jeans and headed out of the waiting room through a maze of colored tile flooring. Then I realized I didn't have a vehicle to leave in, but I headed out anyway hoping a taxi was at the exit. When I stepped out into the bitter snow blowing at an angle, Jeffrey stood waiting.

"Here are Clay's keys. I had the car driven here by a friend, it's parked over there," he said pointing to the black BMW parked in a reserved parking space. "I got the keys from that special agent earlier."

"What info did you find?"

"Nothing solid yet, I just had to get out of there for a moment. I have about thirty people surveying these city streets. I need you to know, we won't follow any of the protocol you've learned should we find it. I need to know that you will keep silent about it. Do I have your word?"

"Yes, and I need you to know that I won't be following my teachings either. The bastard will pay."

He nodded and I walked to Clay's car. When I sat in driver's seat and pressed the start button, his scent filled me. His Chanel cologne was still so present that I was immediately filled with warmth. His car charger still laid perfect wound in the cup holder in the console. The pristine shine of the interior reminded me of his meticulous care of all things. I remembered the day that he first allowed me to sit in this very spot, and how elated I was just to be in his presence. The satellite radio was tuned to Prime Country and Reba's I Know How He Feels filled the car with a soft melody that was meaningful, as if it were the first time I had ever heard the song, and was meant for me to hear in that moment, so I listened carefully as her voice filled the car. Clay's beautiful voice would be matched to sing this perfectly. I felt immediately revived as I turned out of the parking lot and toward the dorm.

When I pulled in, nothing appeared different at all. I scanned the area for any signs of Jeffrey's people, the F.B.I., or ominous presence. I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, so I hopped out and raced indoors. There were several UPS boxes stacked at Clay's door, and it reminded me that he had had Layla send all of his new clothes to the dorm. I pulled out Clay's keys and unlocked the door. As I began to shove the boxes in front of the door and into the dorm, I immediately realized that the lights were off. I distinctively remembered that they had been left on, unless they had turned them off after I was out for the count. I fumbled in the darkness to find the ill placed switch on the opposite side of the wall behind the door. Light immediately poured through the room and I could see nothing of harm, so I continued to push the boxes safely inside the small opening leading to the open room. Once I had situated the boxes inside the door, I shut and locked the door.

Everything was still in its place. I walked back to the chase and picked up Clay's cardigan and took in a long drag of his scent. The cashmere was soft against my face as I snuggled it. I carefully draped it back over the back of the chase and headed into the bathroom. I laid the gun down on the nightstand and I stripped down to my boxers and went to pull back the shower curtain as a foreign and atrocious smell hit my nostrils. A smell so distinctive it was unmistakable, Patchouli. As I turned to exit the bathroom and retrieve my phone, the reason I remembered it so clearly was staring at me through a porcelain mask holding a butcher knife.

He was at least two inches taller than me and weighed at least fifty pounds more. I stared back and held my hands in front of me as I took a step back. Although I knew fear should have overridden my senses, adrenaline kicked in and I was ready to fight.

"You fucked up the plan," he said as he lunged forward, knife first. I dodged to the left, but his blade sliced my right bicep. I grabbed his left forearm holding the knife with my right hand and staved off another strike. I kicked him in the groin and he buckled a bit, but the struggle ensued as I forced him out of the confined space of the bathroom and into the open bedroom. He kicked back into my shins, and the pain caused me to hit my knees. I had a strong grip on his left forearm with my eyes on the knife. He hit me with his right fist, and I slipped, grabbing his left leg as I lost my footing. He fell on top of me and his weight knocked the breath out of me. I elbowed his mask and it cracked, splitting the side and it splayed open.

I couldn't believe the bloodshot eyes staring evilly into mine. Mr. Honey and Melon that had swooned too much for my liking while I attempted to get more acquainted with Clay at Aunt GiGi's place.

The thought of him touching Clay, harming him, violating and raping him fueled my hatred. A flash of Clay's precious body mangled blinded me momentarily. I had both hands on his wrist and I twisted with all my might. I felt snapping of bones in my palms and he cried out in pain and dropped the knife. I used my knees and kicked him off of me and onto his side. I rose and grabbed the gun from the nightstand and disarmed the safety. I pointed it straight between his eyes when an unexpected blow struck me from behind. I tumbled forward on the bed and a splitting ache to the back of my head caused the room to spin. As I grabbed the back of my head, I felt the warmth of blood immediately.

I fumbled for footing, but another blow landed on my spine and I screamed in agony. I still had the gun in my hand and I spun around on my back and shot near blinded in front of me. The shot hit the back robed and masked monster somewhere on the right side and it grabbed its side and turned for the door. The boxes I had stacked just inside the door blocked a second clear shot. I heard the door swing open. The server had already stood and gained composure and once again started stomping me with his heavy boots before I could even reposition myself to fire. I rolled over and used the bed to lunge myself sideways and onto my side and to my feet while he continued to aggress. I managed to find my strength and footing at the head of the chase the held so many memories of Clay lying between me.

I pressed through the pain and stood while kicking his chins rapidly with both legs and he fell to his knees before me. I pointed the gun between his eyes, lowered the gun and in two rapid shots, bullets entered his kneecaps. Blood and bone fragments sprayed the dresser behind, my face, and his legs as fell to his knees. Surprisingly, he didn't scream, he merely grunted as his knees hit the floor. He must have been on a form of speed, which explains why he had been able to so easily overpower me. I knew I didn't have long before bystanders rushed near and police would follow.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, you piece of shit. Why, Clay? Huh?" I demanded. I was furious, as if I could breathe fire. I was silent. "Who are you working with?"

He sat on his busted knees smiling, and spat blood at my feet speechless. He sat smiling a sinister smile. I kicked his mouth and he laughed louder and spat a large gush of blood at my feet. Blood ran down the sides of his mouth as if he had just chewed glass.

"You'll never know. Ha, ha, ha! Long gone before you can even pull the fucking trigger," he spat even more blood, "I hope you enjoy Clay's ruined ass for the rest of your miserable lives together. Every time you stick him, he'll remember me. That is, if you can ever fuck him again," his sinister laugh echoed even more. "I fucked him and good, he won't be so tight for you now." Again his sinister laugh rang. My hands were shaking and my finger clenched the trigger, desperate to allow my brain to pull it. I brought my cell to my ear after dialing 9-1-1. My eyes never left his. He lay in his pool of blood as the operator picked up the phone.

Once the operator answered, I gave them my name and they asked me the address. "5897 University Drive, Dorm 3," I paused and looked into the eyes of the man that had beaten and raped Clay, "I just killed an intruder."

I snapped the phone shut. The despicable coward raised his eyebrows as if he were shocked by words, as he began to speak, I listened for the chance he would provide crucial information.

"You really gonna kill me?"

"Yes. There was no other plan. Either you confess and tell me the other one, or I pulled the trigger. He raised both middle fingers and held them straight. I knew he wouldn't tell me anything more so I pulled the trigger once.

Blood poured from the bullet hole between his eyes as his head snapped back against the floor and he lay motionless against the custom installed hardwood floor. His eyes were wide and I watched as they went cold and dead. His chest failed to rise and fall. I felt no remorse, only disgust for what the bastard had done to someone so much weaker than him and innocent, my Clay. What this ogre had done could never be justified; therefore, his continuing to live was not justified in my book.

I walked away and collapsed at the foot of the bed so I could watch the partially opened door. I waited any moment for the second one to return with my gun raised midair, ready to end it all knowing I knew there was another one involved. I felt blood trickle down my forehead and I ran my hand across the crown of my head. I felt the pain immediately upon noticing the gash in my skin between the blood and hair. My back also began to ache. I fumbled my hands on top of the bed to find the phone I had discarded. I faintly heard rustling in the hallway and hurried feet, so I rushed to my knees and raised the gun. The pain nearly caused me to tumble forward, but I gained balance on my left hand with the gun raised in my right. The room was as blurry as if I were wearing bifocals I didn't need. Blood ran over my right eye, burning as I refused to allow them to blink and my vision became blurry immediately.

SA Nelson rushed in, took a quick glance at the body and then knelt to my side. Jeffrey and two other men in black followed Nelson, knocking Clay's boxes out of the way.

"There was another one, another person in a black cloak." I wasn't sure if they even heard me.

The rest was a haze as relief and the pounding of my head gave way to me laying my head on my shoulder. I could hear voices in the haze, but then I was out for the count as other pairs of feet began to form around my body in a room that once held such peace for me in the comfort of Clay's scent and warmth.

Chapter 27

In darkness, there were tunnels with water dripping. I was running as fast as I could from the black cloaks that were relentlessly chasing me. I was in a sewer with my legs battered and weak. There were sewer rats scowling with angry red eyes, ready to pound and eat their next meal alive. Lights were dim and flashing, making the path sporadic and welcomed when it decided best to show its presence. I could feel my body shake off the nightmare, and then there were only beeps following me, as if my life depending on following them.

I continued toward the tunnels where the beeps were loudest. There were so many dead ends as I retraced my steps. There were dead ends at every turn I made. At each turn, the cloaks were right behind me. I knew I there was no way possible to escape the ones who carried the only constant light that trailed behind me. Beep. Beep. Beep. And then nothing but the darkness I had become accustomed to as I hid in an alcove in the wall.

Then the sweetest voice I had ever heard sounded in my ears through the melody of the beeps in the far distance and persistent decibels that rang through my body. The voice was muffled, but unmistakably hers, my momma.

***

My eyes slowly opened. The bright light burned as I struggled to adjust to its invasion. Panic sat in before I realized where I was. I shot up in the bed causing dizziness. Soft hands were on my shoulder and I screamed. Aunt GiGi yelled my name and whispered as she hugged me. I felt safe again. The hospital room became clearer as I clung to her. SA Nelson laid his hand on my shoulder.

"You're alright, sweet Jason."

"Where's Clay? I have to go see Clay."

"He's right next door, honey. He's improving slowly. There's much more hope than a few days ago."

"A few days? How long have I been out?"

"Three days. Three very long days, but your partner hasn't left you one moment." I knew she was speaking of Nelson.

As that sank in, I wondered if Clay's face had been uncovered yet. "I need to go see him."

"Alright then. You should be well enough. Layla and I have been taking shifts with you both. He's not awake yet, but the plastic surgeon repaired his face and leg, as well as his anus, and your hard head." She smiled. She was obviously worn out and hadn't left this place since I'd been here.

I ran my hand across my skull and felt the bandage, a reminder of what had happened. I almost felt sorry, but suppressed it immediately. That monster deserved it. If I hadn't done it, he would have killed me. I had to reason with my bruised mind. My first kill. The horror stories were true, regardless of the justification, it still tainted my skin. His blood was on my hands. It would take a while to completely forgive myself. But I couldn't focus on that now. My priority was getting to Clay.

I stumbled out of the bed and Aunt GiGi tied the back of my hospital gown. "Do I have boxers, or something?" She reached into a plastic hospital issued bag and tossed me a pair. After donning them, I carefully unraveled the mile long tubing feeding whatever into my veins and pulled the pole alongside me as I walked out into the sterile hallway. The numerous coded doors were behind me and I entered Clay's room. He lie motionless in his bed. My heart fluttered when I saw his beautiful face and perfectly sculpted hair. Layla stood up and greeted me with a gentle hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, Jason. I am so glad you're awake. I was just catching Clay up on the latest edition of US Weekly. He loves the celebrity gossip." She was chipper and her immaculate face was once again gracing everyone beautifully. Her clothing was just as well immaculate. Since I had been out, she had taken the time to redecorate the room in her style. There were flowers everywhere. Clay's protective bubble was gone.

"He's well enough to be out of the bubble?"

"Yes. It is quite the miracle. All of the doctor's have been extremely impressed by his ability to heal much more quickly than his prognosis suggested."

I walked over to his side and sat down in the plush chair that had appeared. His body was no longer wrapped. There was only a bandage on his cheek. I brushed my fingertips gently across his forehead and undamaged cheek. His face and arms were still discolored, but they weren't as deep purple as they had been. Layla and GiGi excused themselves to give me privacy. I leaned up slowly and kissed his forehead and then his mouth. I longed for him to kiss me back with the passion I had come to crave. I missed his soft whimpers of delight. I missed his interaction and smile more than anything.

I ran my fingertips down his arm gently. My fingertips rested gently on his hand and I laid my head down beside his arm. I could feel his pulse, strong and reassuring. I felt a slight movement in his hand and I stared at it underneath my hand. His index finger was moving upward, shaking and then rested on my thumb. Tears streaked down my face as hope filled me. I glanced up at his face. His eyes appeared to be twitching, as if he were lost in a dream.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here. You knew I wouldn't leave you. I love you," I whispered in his ear. His lips twitched at the corners like he was trying to smile. I kept whispering my love and encouragement into his ear while kissing gently his exposed, beautiful skin. My spirit had been lifted by his subtle communication. I laid my head back down beside his and drifted to sleep with him, hoping somehow that I could enter his dream with him.

I wasn't sure how long I had slept when I came to. I looked into Clay's peaceful face as I stood. No one else was here, but I could see shadows of feet outside the door, which meant they were still being heavily guarded. Most likely because they hadn't found the other perpetrator. Who was it? I turned to walk out the door.

***

"Where are you going, my prince?" I asked. The words burned my dry throat, and knew it must have sounded toad-like.

Jason turned slowly. When my eyes met his, I could tell that he nearly crumbled to his knees. I was speechless and so many emotions filled me. He scrambled back to my side and leaned down and showered me with his soft brand of kisses. I could never grow tired of his soft lips pressed against mine.

"Oh my God. Clay. You beautiful creature, you. I am so glad you're awake." Tears were streaming down his cheeks, landed on my face, and then he gently wiped them away. I looked back into his sapphire eyes.

"Of course I am. I knew you'd save me," I whispered, tears filling my eyes. My mouth was dry and my voice hoarse.

Someone must have heard us, because within seconds hurried footsteps were heard and we were surrounded by medical personnel. Then everyone outside the room came rushing in as well. Momma cried tears of joy as she rushed to our side. She grabbed her expensive blouse and didn't bother dabbing her eyes as her tears stained her face. Everyone else followed suit. There were sobs all around us as love filled the room. I felt so blessed and weak at the same time. Kyle entered the room and slowly approached the bed. My heart dropped when I saw the worry on his face. Everyone watched as he silently joined the side of my bed. Jason's hands covered mine. Then Kyle began to speak.

"I am so sorry, Clay. I am so sorry for a lot of things. I know you won't forgive me easily, but I will spend my life trying to make up to you the hurt I caused you. I love you, and I am sorry that I threw us away. I won't ever come between you and Jason, but know that I will always be here for you. If I could take it all back, we would have that life I was too afraid to commit to."

I was speechless and all I could muster was asking for water. Momma raised my head and opened a bottle of imported water and I sipped. The water felt foreign and relieving. Jason's hands balled into the sheets as he released my hand, clearly attempting to control his anger.

"Thank you, Kyle." I was so confused, when had he admitted his love for me. Had he come out, or did he just do so? I was in a gay hell twilight zone; however, I didn't want the conversation to move forward, so I left it at that, and so did he. My mind began to flood with what ifs. He gently squeezed my hand and walked back out of the room. I was surprised when Jason moved out of his way to do so and his balled hands moved the sheets underneath me. Everyone was silent for a moment and then the doctors ushered everyone out so he could examine me. I felt like I couldn't love, and moving hurt all over. I could see bruises on my exposed skin. My color was jaundice and my vision was blurry. I prayed healing would be quick, and although I was thankful to be alive, the pain was excruciating.

***

For weeks I healed in body, mind, and spirit while learning to trust those whom entered my hospital room to evaluate or treat me. I was feeling optimistic again, despite the atrocities I had endured. All of my loved ones showered me with love, attention, and encouragement despite my random cries of agony and moments of self-pity when I recalled my nightmarish experience.

I remembered Josh, who sacrificed his life in an attempt to save me. His horrific end resulted in many nights of waking up screaming in agony and remorse. There was no way I could repay him for attempting to save me and putting his life on the line for me, even when in the end he had lost the battle. That was the segment of this ordeal that I struggled most with. He shouldn't have died, especially not for me, and that was guilt I would live for the rest of my life, even if I tried to erase it. I knew I wouldn't want to erase the memory of him. His kind smile and loving spirit would always be a reminder to me that I lived because he tried to save me. The dark ones tried to kill me, but I had survived to tell my horror story. Even though I knew one of the keepers of the light had escaped, I knew that Jeffrey and Jason would never relent or rest until it was just as dead as the other one.

Jason had filled me in over the weeks of the entire ordeal slowly so he wouldn't traumatize me even more than I had been. Each time I recalled his rendition of the big one attacking him in my dorm, I shuddered and thanked God that Jason was as strong as he is and capable of taking down an army. My man, my love, and my savior – my prince, and although I was not in the top of a castle's tower, and rather in the bottom of a desolate basement, he was still my knight in shining armor and he had saved me from the cold, dark prison that held me captive. I didn't have long golden locks for him to climb up on, and I most certainly didn't have a glass slipper to transform me, but I did have a golden spindle that put me into a deep sleep and true love's kiss that had awakened me. All said and done, I was a character from Disney and I was not a princess, but the story could be rewritten - a prince who saved a price with an act of valor and true love's kiss that broke a maleficent curse.

Many detectives, reporters, and lawyers interviewed all of us. I refused to recant the story multiple times, so I requested one conference, which my parent's influence arranged. I recanted my story in front of what appeared to be a sea of people. I read the crowd as I detailed everything I could remember. I was keenly aware of the cameras pointing in my direction. Jason's hand held mine under the conference room table of the F.B.I. headquarters, which gave me the strength to vocalize the encounters even though my mind wanted to repress it all. My family and friends gasped and cried during certain details and even the audience I was pouring the most intimate details of my experience upon dabbed their eyes and gasped in horror. I held no details back. I had no desire to ever retell or recall this account again.

When I was done, it was Jason's turn, and the questions were much more directed toward his actions in shooting the perpetrator in my dorm, a person that he described as one of two captures. An overly smitten person that I had come in contact with and had felt sorry for when Jason had exhibited his jealousy upon him. I couldn't believe what I had heard, and was even more frightened by the fact that the other person had not been caught.

When my parents and Jeffrey spoke of the nightmares they had encountered during the whole ordeal, I was immediately thankful for my blessings, especially considering they had hired people to watch over me. So many people at the shelter had nowhere to turn, no one who cared, and no resources to help them progress their lives other than those provided by Speak Now. Based on my experiences with the level of love my family posed, I realized how lucky I was to be born into a family that loved and nurtured me, despite gender and sexual preference. My parents had known I was gay since I was a toddler. I knew I had to increase advocacy for the shelter, and to ensure that others had the resources and supports they needed to improve their chances of survival without falling victim to the faults of society. Speak Now represented hope for so many people who had little of it to spare, and I knew I was the person to provide such hope and support.

When it was done, Jason and I left the conference room and headed back into the lavish room I had been occupying for well over a month.

"I love you, Jason,"

"I love you more, Clay DeVero," he said as I straddled his waist. I leaned down and kissed his mouth. The heat was more than I could bear. I could feel his passion and knew we had to stop now. We hadn't been intimate, and I wasn't sure I could, even though I wanted to. I would just have to take it one step at a time. My physical bruises were healed, but the bruises left emotionally were much deeper. One day at a time I would heal.

My parents led us out of the hospital into a limousine. As Jeffrey drove, Daddy blindfolded me as we approached University Drive and through the gates of the community, and Momma blindfolded Jason. We both protested, but they just laughed. Where were they taking us? As the limousine made a turn and parked, I knew we were at a stop in front of a house. Clay and I were ushered out of the stretch and pushed forward in a winding fashion of a sidewalk.

Momma told us to open our eyes so we removed our blindfolds. I opened mine, and Jason's peered into mine as I looked into his. We both were shocked into silence. Our mouths gaped open. Aunt GiGi and the Turner's pulled in behind us. The brick mansion was more than I could take in. There were multiple levels and gigantic floor to ceiling windows. The landscaping was immaculate. Jason hugged me close. We both knew what my parents had done. At first I thought momentarily that they had bought a home to be closer to me, but when Daddy handed Jason the bottle of champagne with a key tied on a bow, I knew this was our first home. Jeffrey pressed the garage button in his hands and we both screamed and ran forward when two matching BMW convertibles, one black and one orange, came into view.

"Go check out your new home boys," Momma said. She was as excited as I'd ever seen her. They all giggled and clapped when Jason hoisted me up and carried me through the double oak doors and across the threshold. He sat me down gently and kissed me softly. I looked above and mistletoe was donned above our heads. Each parent took their turns under it. Kyle and Coraline pulled up and walked up the pebble stone walkway. I smiled as they held hands. It was easier now than ever to see them together. I was over him and my broken dreams. Everything happened for a reason and I would no longer hold on to selfish desires. My perspective on life had changed dramatically since the night...the night I nearly lost my life.

The interior smelled of pine and cinnamon, perfect for the holiday. Kyle handed me a bottle of Don Perpignan and gave me a gentle hug. Coraline then hugged me and kissed my cheek. The cheek to which I should've had a scar, but Momma made sure I would not have that constant reminder. Jason and I walked through the massive foyer hand in hand. I was mesmerized by the décor and modern design of the home.

"Momma, how long have you been working on this?"

"Well, darling, I had to have something to do to pass my time here in the great state of Washington. I didn't make all of the decisions, dear. Your daddy wouldn't allow it." She smiled lovingly at daddy by her side.

"Merry Christmas, baby boy," Daddy said. I covered my mouth and gasped as Jason led me to the open living room. A massive white tree was decorated with silver and red. It looked like it belonged on the cover of Good Housekeeping. The fireplace flickered and the television mounted above it read "Welcome Home". We slowly made our way through the rest of the lower level. The designer kitchen would envy even the likes of my favorite Food Network stars, or at least garner their approval. The butler's pantry was stocked with whole organic foods and imported waters. We walked into the men's lounge and Daddy was already popping open bottles of champagne. Glasses were already lining the bar. Everyone was gathered. I guess I was too engrossed in soaking all of the lower level in that I hadn't even realized they had parted the tour.

"Jason, why don't you go ahead and show Clay the upper level, and we'll have everything ready down here when you get done. The caterers are on their way with our feast," Momma said. Then I saw her, even Mary was here. I walked up and gave her a hug and she stroked my cheek with tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm okay. We're all okay," I reassured her with another hug.

Jason took my hand and led me to a beautifully carved door and pressed a button on its right side. The door slid and dinged open. An elevator. I looked back at Momma and smiled and gave her two thumbs up. When the door opened at the next level, we stepped out into a marble floored foyer. I started to speak and Jason hushed me by placing his finger to my lips. His wicked grin made my knees weak.

"I have to show you something, no questions, not right now," he said as he again silenced me with his lips pressed against mine. I whimpered and he giggled and twirled me around. He pressed his stomach to my back and wrapped his strong arms around me and led me forward to yet another beautifully carved oak door. When he opened the door, it revealed a unique stone winding staircase. He allowed me to ascend first with him right on my heels. When I reached the top of the staircase, I gasped and my breath was stolen. We were in turret with 180 degree windows that overlooked a gorgeous garden. In the center of the room, there was a table laden with dozens of orange roses in an oversized crystal vase. I turned and looked into Jason's eyes.

"You amaze me Mr. McClain. You did this, didn't you?"

"Yes, my love. I helped your parents pick it out, almost all of it," he chuckled, "of course, your mother and her team of designers threw out my ideas they felt were atrocious, but for the most part, I got my way, which I thought would be your way. I couldn't beat them, so I had to join them. They were going to do this for us regardless."

"Of course they were." I wrapped my hands around his neck and soaked in his scent as I laid my head on his chest. I bent down and kissed me again. I walked near the windows and soaked in the beauty of the scenery. Jason walked over to what appeared to be a dumbwaiter. He motioned me over by slowly curling his index finger. His sly grin told me something else was up his sleeve.

"Press the service button, my love." I looked at him cautiously and obeyed. The door raised open and there was a pristine wrapped package waiting inside.

"For me?" I asked.

"Of course. Open it," he said nervously. I was unusual for him to be nervous, in any circumstance.

I couldn't refuse that request. I carefully removed the ribbon and methodically removed the paper. I had never been one to tear into paper. It just seemed so wrong considering someone took their time to wrap the gift with care, so I took equal care in unwrapping. I could tell Jason just wanted me to tear into it, but I continued in my fashion. I opened the white gift box when I discarded the paper onto the table. Just inside was a Tiffany jewelry box. My heart fluttered. It was a necklace box. I slowly pried open the box.

"It's empty," I said as I looked back to Jason. He looked nervous and he knelt to one knee, assuming the position of a man about to propose. My mouth gaped open and I clutched my sweater near my heart. The necklace box was a cover. He took my hands in his and said the words that I never will forget.

"Clayton DeVero. You are the one and only love of my life," he said immediately choking up. "I know this isn't your favorite castle tower back at your home, but this tower is ours for as long as you want it. I wanted to make sure that our special home was everything that you could imagine or want. I love you more than I love myself, and that is why I need for you to understand that I will never harm you. I will protect you. I will honor and cherish you. I will always be faithful to you and cater to you. No one will ever make me feel the way that you do."

I was steadying my breaths as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a ring and slipped it on my left ring finger. The ring was stunning and the rock was at least three carats. The diamond shone in his sapphire eyes as he looked up and met my tearful gaze.

"Will you marry me, Clay?" he asked, voice shaking, as if he were nervous that I would reject him.

I nodded my head. "Yes. A million times, yes. I love you, Jason McClain, and I will gladly marry you."

He stood and kissed me passionately through our tears. I was standing in my very own castle newly engaged to the man of my dreams. After a long and loving kiss and embrace, we headed back down the spiral staircase and back down the elevator. When the door dinged open, everyone was standing around, waiting. I looked back up at Jason as we stepped outside the elevator. They were clearly waiting for a response. I raised my left hand to allow them to see my response in the form of a brilliant rock on my ring finger. The shouts were loud and everyone swept in to hug and congratulate us.

When everyone settled down and sipped their champagne, a server in a white tux announced dinner. He led us into the massive dining room where we cheerfully overate, laughed, and socialized as if nothing negative had ever happened, as if time had warped and there was no dark looming over us. This is exactly what I needed. At night, all I needed was Jason. Although the nightmares had not stopped, knowing Jason's arms were there to reel me back to reality comforted me. I hadn't seen the entire house by the time everyone left. Momma and Daddy, our gang, and the Turners were staying at suites at the Four Seasons. We offered them rooms; however, they all wanted us to get accustomed to our new home and have our privacy.

Jason and I explored the rest of the house together, although he had already seen every inch of it. I was amazed that it all seemed to fit us perfectly. There was not one thing I wanted to change. The library mirrored mine at home. The massive bedroom, double master bath, and double dressing rooms were even larger than mine at home. Not surprisingly, Momma had already filled both Jason and I's closets with more than one person could wear in a year's time. Blessed. How very fortunate we are. Not because of the money, but because we had people who loved us enough to want all of this for us. I knew I could have this life, and knew it was perfect with Jason in it, despite the negativity Kyle had so strongly embedded in me regarding this lifestyle. As if it was a choice. I was lost deep in thought as Jason climbed up on the bed and kissed my neck.

His kisses were hungered and we both fell immediately back onto the rhythm of heated love making. He kissed down my chest and licked his way to the waistband of my underwear. He lifted my legs and removed my underwear with his teeth and discarded them next to the bed with one quick toss of his head. I had forgotten how warm his mouth was until he engulfed me. My hips rocked with the motion of his head. I wound my fingers in his hair and pulled him upward. His mouth met mine and I rolled over and straddled his raging cock, trapped within the confines of his boxers.

I reached in the fly and released him. I took care in suckling his head and licked down the base to his full balls. He clearly needed release, so I attended to his need. We had both been longing for this intimacy, but I hadn't been well enough to engage. His cries of delight fascinated me as I used my mouth and hand to simultaneously suck and jack him. His legs were shaking as I rapidly bobbed my head faster. He moaned as I emptied his balls onto his carved abs within a couple of minutes, and that was a first. He rose quickly and met my mouth and used his spunk to bring me to ejaculation. I panted into his mouth as the sensation took over and I emptied my load on his already covered chest. He held me as we continued to kiss, breaking only to catch our breaths. I had missed him. I had missed this connection with him. This love was real and unencumbered.

After we showered together and got reacquainted with one another's body, we cuddled under the comfort of the down and Egyptian cotton with a scary movie softly playing at the foot of the bed. At first Jason quickly flicked past every one, but I reassured him that I was fine. I hid my eyes a bit and held my breath at first, but his arms around me, and knowing he had a loaded pistol tucked into the side of the mattress gave me comfort I never thought I would need. The only thing missing was the aftertaste of beer, pizza, and wings as he kissed me into dreamland, just like every night before.

***

For the next few days, we settled into our new home and developed a routine. Jason had finished his courses and was preparing for graduation, as I attended to interviewing and hiring a housekeeper. I decided to take a semester off so that I could focus on healing completely and regaining trust in people. I'd start with the housekeeper. I wasn't afraid to go out, but preferred to do it in the daytime only. I was content shopping online and making a grocery list for pickup by the housekeeper. The counselor said that was normal in the beginning. I hadn't gone out alone. I still woke in the night from nightmares, but it was becoming easier to cope. I refused to take medication, so I began meditating three times daily. Jason rarely left my sight. His presence was the one thing that kept me from falling apart. No one knew where the other keeper was hiding, and there were no promising leads according to Jason, who was now a fulltime employee for the F.B.I. Quantico was merely weeks away.

The new home continued to hold new surprises as I discovered new gadgets. It was like Fort Knox. Everyone had gone back home, but before my parents did, they ensured that Jason was set up with a sizeable bank account, paid off his student loans, and hired three contractors to upgrade the massive home with the latest security technology. Daddy had donated my black BMW to charity. I missed it, but the orange one was a nice replacement. Momma didn't want me to have any reminders that could trigger an onset of anxiety, as she called it.

I hadn't returned to my dorm, but I was informed that all of the furniture was donated. The only thing they saved from the dorm was the picture of Kyle and me. It sat on the mantel in the den. He and I were mending our friendship, but Jason still didn't trust him as far as he could throw him. My fiancé was a bit overprotective, but that is what kept me feeling safe. Coraline was still in Kyle's life, and she had been over a couple of times with him to check on us and hang out. There was still something about her that I felt uneasy about, but I still couldn't put my finger on what it was. Perhaps I had just grown more paranoid. I tried not to give her much thought. My dwelling nature made that impossible at times, so made like Lady Gaga and donned my poker face, which I had much practice at.

"What are you thinking about, lovely?"

I smiled my million dollar smile. He raised and kissed my hand and rested it on his lap. "I was just thinking about how nice it will be to establish a new normalcy."

His face looked light as he enveloped me in his arms, strong and caring. "We will, my love. We have our whole lives ahead of us. I just wonder how many times we will have to find new norms. Our possibilities are endless."

I pondered his thought and kissed his neck while he flicked through the guide. "You're right."

This was just the beginning of our love story. We were already living in a fairytale home. He had proposed in fairytale fashion. All our time together had been special, albeit confusing for me at times, so there was no doubt that our future would hold many more surprises. As Jason moved forward with his career in investigations within the F.B.I., there would be many more chapters in our lives, many more mysteries to figure out, and new places to explore.

One mystery he was determined to solve was finding and bringing to justice the final keeper of the light. He kept me out of the loop of that investigation as much as possible, but I knew he was always on the lookout and investigating. I also knew Jeffrey and his team would not rest until I was safe. If the other's end was any depiction of what would go down when Jason found it, then God have mercy on its heartless soul.

I laid my head on Jason's shoulder and he stroked my hair. The fireplace was flickering and music drummed silently in the background. Snow was falling outdoors all around. Thinking of the cold and wet substance caused me to shudder. I glanced up at the mantel and stared at the picture of Kyle and me. So many memories flooded my mind as I laid my head down on Jason's lap. He adjusted his body to accommodate me so my face lay on his built in pillow and he continued his careful stroke while I gently rubbed his inner thigh. Yes, I thought, this is just the beginning of my story...Jason's story...our life... future chapters yet to be written.

~~~~

About the author:

Cliff is from a small town in Western Kentucky where he has built a life providing supports and services to those whom have intellectual and developmental disabilities. Aside the career that he loves and excels, his passion involves writing and living his life and continuing to learn and grow as a human being with his partner of twelve years, Chris, and two dogs, Rocky and Ricki. Cliff finds joy in providing others with an avenue of escape through realistic characters that are likeable and situations that are dangerous and full of suspense and real life drama. Cliff is a gay male that devotes his time to ensuring the lives of others are of the utmost quality and fighting for human equality.

Connect with me:

 https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cliff-Key/262801017156295

Email me: authorcliffkey@gmail.com
