Hey there friends how's it going? My name is Kevin
and today we are going to get
the true magic of Hogwarts by using...
... the Kinect which just fell off my TV
That's... that's a little high
that's literally pointing to my ceiling
how am I supposed to get up there?
I'm 6'1" and I can't... I can't go up that high!
[Narrator] Looking good!
[Kevin] No I don't, I look terrifying!
"Familiar Face"? What are you talking about?!
I want to pick a different picture
I look like Slenderman
Why won't it let me-
I know raise hand to join!!
I want to know how to go back!
Alright you know what
I guess I'm Slenderman
because I can't go back
Oh wait wait! "Retake"!
now it's telling me
[Narrator] Looking good!
*Distant Laughter*
[Kevin] Now that is true magic!
[Narrator] Good luck!
[Kevin] Yeah I'm gonna need it thanks
[Ollivander] Eight and three quarter inches
[Ollivander] Powerful!
[Kevin] yeah, give it-
[Kevin] Give it to me
[Ollivander] Very powerful
[Kevin] Gimme the wand
Avada Kedavra!
Sorry! No I'm keeping it
I like this one
oh wait
yeah I think I just pocketed it
it's gone
I apparently struggle with my hand-eye coordination
even though I'm not moving
I'm just trying to pick up this wand
Okay
[Ollivander] No
[Kevin] Apparently I'm a natural because I didn't even move that
[Ollivander] No, definitely not.
[Kevin] Listen, do I just have to pick up every single one in your shop
or do you actually have any skills in your job?
oh, you can try and influence the sorting hat
Sorting hat, please kill me
[Sorting Hat] Very difficult
[Kevin] yeah, I can see why
Hufflepuff!
Hufflepuff!
[Sorting Hat] Very patient
No, I wanna be in Hufflepuff
[Sorting Hat] Hufflepuff!
[Kevin] Thank you
I'm happy
now that is a Hufflepuff if I ever saw one
Dumbledore is like, "meet me in my office later"
I don't know why they're telling me about this Harry Potter guy
I'm Slenderman
it's not stirring
this isn't my forte apparently
no stop stop stop - stop stop
put it away
put it away
Oh- Ah! Jesus Christ stop stop
let's just cam down here
okay let's just pour it gently
there you go easy
no stop stop stop
I had.. I had to run away from the screen
no stop put it away!
am I done?
[Snape] Your potion appears usable
[Kevin] That's all I could hope for professor
now that is a man who is confused
I unlocked Charms Class
Dumbledore's Office - Blackboard
and a Cure for Boils
are you trying to say something?
[Professor Flitwick] now, you try
[Kevin] Wingardium Leviosa
[Professor Flitwick] Well done!
[Kevin] Oh!
that works I'm impressed by that
that was pretty good
[Professor Flitwick] To select "Wingardium Leviosa"
put your arms in this position
[Kevin] All right so when the Dark Lord comes to fight you
and you want to float him up into the air
just pretend you're surrendering
oh wait this is me!
Hey! Hey!
I... I wanna learn spells
I did it!
I did it somehow
Ron!
Ron, hi!
[Professor Flitwick] Splendid!
[Kevin] I was just saying hello to Ron
and I did it!
I'm really good at magic
[Professor Flitwick] I want you to show me that that wasn't a one off
oh I think it was professor
Ron! Ron!
Ron!
can you see me?
he sees my wonky eyes
and he just
he can't tell if I'm making eye contact
or not
that's the thing
I can make eye contact with Ron
and keep an eye on my spells
Ah! There we go!
thank you professor
*character gasps*
that's probably a normal student
I just can't tell with my wonky eyes
trust me man
you are way more terrifying than that troll
why are you jumping? what are you doing with your legs?
alright troll! take a load of the Lord of the dance
*Irish Folk plays*
probably should have jump there
you're going down!
come and get me buddy
ya don't have a chance buddy
oh good, it's the actual heroes
here to save me
I feel like they're doing the exciting part
oh, I get to do this part though
there you go
yeah beat him up
oh wait, I get to be Ron
I know how to do this spell
you see the books would have you believe that Slenderman wasn't in the bathroom
but actually he was
oh no
why would they leave him on a broom?
I steer with my head for some reason
okay, this is unique
ow
ow
ow
ow!
Jesus, no wonder his face is so messed up
if this is the kind of thing he gets up to
Oh God
it's like John Wick all over again
I should not be in this stance for Quidditch
come on beat him up x1
beat him up x2
beat him up x3
beat him up x4
he basically flew into my fist
he can't even be mad
I just want to poke him in the eyes
*sneezes*
I hit him with a sneeze
I don't think this is what Quidditch is about you know
we're just beating the shit out of each other
it doesn't seem to have an effect
if I just stormed through all those things
so
I'm just kind of leaving him do his thing
let's face it
there's not much left to damage
wave at him furiously!!
yes!
I got it!
I am the best seeker the school has ever seen!
the fact that he manages to fly straight at all
is frankly a miracle
wait, we're already in to the Philosopher's Stone Chamber?
why is Harry Potter not here?
isn't he like the most central character in this situation?
[Ron] If anyone can catch it on that old broomstick
you can
[Kevin] Why?
he clearly is not comfortable on a broom
get away from me!
[Ron] You're doing great! Keep going!
am I though? am I?!
hey at least we look kinda the same right?
we can bond on that
oh my god were already here... ok
is this his really only defense?
just moving a little bit?
cause it's working
I think we just defeated the Dark Lord
look at his smug face
well at least they think that's smug
I'm not sure
and we just completed Year One
alright, and we're on to Year Two
why am I just whacking them?
shouldn't I be doing magic or something
like I'm not muggle peasant
I have magic
did you see me casting Wingardium Leviosa?
I know what I'm doing
Hermione!
now why am I smacking her with the book?
oh, thank you
sorry man I'm not very good at this magic stuff you know
I thought it would be more than hitting things with a book
am I supposed to avoid the ones with the red potions?
oh I think I might be
oops
well I keep hitting them
[Hermione] Let's get out of here!
[Kevin] That is not Hermione
now that I look closer
put on earmuffs
okay
this guy looks unhappy
I'm gonna take you
wait, no come..
wait hold on
hold down! slow down!
wait!
why am I moving along to the other ones?
just lean this way
go this way
yeah, now just grab him
no! no!
go this way
[Professor Sprout] give it a good shake
[Kevin] yeah ya little bastard!
yeah, what you gonna do now?
how do you drop them?
oh wait, no I still have them
get it off me!
it's gross, I can't drop it
Ron, go long!
that doesn't work either
oh my god, its cry is so obnoxious
this is why I don't want kids in case it comes out like this
some kind of cross between E.T. and a potato
oh thank god, okay
wait what
is there more?
oh my god, now they're both crying
I was never good with kids
from a profile view it's even more terrifying
no not another round
I don't want it
I don't want
come on drown the bastard!
why do I have to do this?
when those kids in the background have been moving the same Mandrake from pot to pot for 10 minutes now?
that row has like 5 students
I'm here on my own, and they're taking the piss out of me
I don't understand
it's just these two that keep complaining
otherwise it seemed done and no matter how much I try and drown them
they're not happy
like all these pots are the same bloody size
I just moved one to the other
and it's like, oh yeah this is better
I think it's just a needy bastard
Oh my god, but wait there's more
Slug attack?
leave em feckin die
I don't care
oh thank god that's over
I never want to see that ever again
and I'm gonna have to edit the damn thing too
[Kevin Voice-Over] Hey there friends
this is Kevin from the editing room
and I can tell you it was almost as frustrating watching back and just reliving the whole thing so yeah
enjoy the rest of the video
[End Voice-Over]
you ready to duel? look into my eyes punk!
that's right. I'm a predator
not the bad like, you know, Kevin Spacey type
I'm just like a... an angry guy
I'm like a machine gun
unfortunately, it's all coming back and hitting me
but you know
what are my legs doing?
did you see that for a second there?
Hufflepuff always win when they have me
no! not play again!
I was scratching my head
[Draco] You filthy little-!
[Kevin] You filthy little what? say that to my
face
see your shield is useless if I'm not able to hit you
ya idiot
the old swish and flick am I right?
oh, we're already going to the Chamber of Secrets, okay
I swear the Chamber of Secrets cannot be as bad as that Herbology class
it just can't be, it's impossible
Can you kill me instead?
Please!
Please kill me!
I feel like, I look like I'm running fast
but I'm not really going that far am I
wait why do I get the sword?
I'm a Hufflepuff
shouldn't a badger have come out of the hat or something??
"Feeling tired or sore? Take a break."?
I always feel tired and sore
don't tell me how to live my life
get ready for swordsmanship the likes of which you have never seen
the ol' razzle dazzle
I'm like a bad music conductor
wait. I can use my legs?
Oh, that's what I'm talking about!
Now that's a solid hit!
I defeated him with my great swordsmanship abilities
you happy to see me?
"No frankly seeing the Basilisk was much less terrifying"
alright, I just completed Year Two
I'm gonna leave it at that because this is tiring and it is sore
and my Xbox personally has told me to stop
but I hope you enjoyed if you did please do leave a like
and if you haven't already consider subscribing to the channel
other than that I will see you next time,
bye bye
*shoutout to Patreon supporters*
Thank you so much guys
