- My friends, there's been a
great deal of discussion lately
about psychiatry.
And I'll tell you,
most of this started
with this Bridey Murphy thing.
Bridey Murphy, it's
the story of this girl
who, under hypnosis,
she said in her subconscious
that she had lived before
in the 18th century.
I think you've heard
all that before.
Its called regression.
I don't know whether you
believe in regression.
I hope that, if I
should come back again,
that I'll have my
own show, you know?
(audience laughing)
But you see now,
there's been some things
about this Bridey Murphy
that they've exploded.
Like, the word is
used anachronism,
meaning that certain
things, what she said
in her subconscious
under hypnosis,
could not be true
in place of time.
Like, they've investigated
and there were no Murphys
in County Cork in
Ireland at the time.
There were no Murphys in Cork.
There was a cork in a Murphy,
that's what the
trouble was, you see.
(audience laughing)
Some fellow inhaled
when he was drinking
and that's what caused
the whole trouble.
Now, there's been a great
deal of discussion about it
and I have gotten
some of the terms here
that I thought I would read you
until the theme.
(audience laughing)
And we'll all get informed
about this psycho business.
Now first we have the
term psycho-ceramic.
This is simply explained
by taking the word apart.
Psycho would pertain to the mind
and ceramic would be associated
with a form of pottery.
The term, therefore,
would mean cracked pot.
(audience laughing)
Now, we have this
here: derriere-a-mania.
This is the fear of bending
over to tie your shoelaces
in a revolving door.
(audience laughing)
Which is closely aligned
with escalator phobia.
This is the fear that while
you're getting on an escalator,
your garters will get
caught in the bottom step
and you'll be snapped to death.
(audience laughing)
That's one of the most
serious ones, that last one.
There is vote-o-phobia.
This is a phobia common to
candidates for political office.
A politician afflicted with
this phobia is usually fearful
that every time he opens his
mouth, his foot will fall out.
(audience laughing)
Kremlin-itis. Kremlin-itis.
This is the fear of
Khrushchev
and Bolganin
that Bridey Murphy will
go back and tell Stalin
what they've been
saying about him.
(audience laughing)
There's Phoebe
phobia, the dislike
of large girls named Phoebe.
This is sometimes aggravated
by a condition known as
phooey on Phoebe phobia,
(audience laughing)
which is a fear of telling girls
named Phoebe that
you don't like them.
There's Vestula Juba phobia,
the fear that saxophone players
have of standing up
to play a solo part,
especially when they're working
in front a sneaky
trombone player.
(audience laughing)
There's a trumpet here.
Then we have dental mental-itis.
This is the fear of
dentists that when they ask
patients to pay their bills,
they will be laughed at
with their own teeth.
(audience laughing)
There's Castrol
phobia. This is a fear
of sleeping in a
foldaway day bed
if there's a small
girl in the house
who likes to close things.
(audience laughing)
And there's stage
fright-itis. This is the fear
of comedians that they
will be caught out
in the center of
a stage like this
without a strong finish.
And you can cure me of
this by applauding now.
(audience clapping)
