Today is
Martin Luther King Jr. Day...
(cheering and applause)
...a day when Americans
celebrate a civil rights icon,
and Americans
who don't get off work,
you know, they celebrate
an easier commute.
Yeah, I, uh-- I got through
the tunnel in seven minutes.
Thank you, Dr. King.
And, over the weekend,
everyone was getting
into the MLK spirit,
even America's whitest man.
One of my favorite quotes
from Dr. King was,
"Now is the time to make real
the promises of democracy."
You think
of how he changed America.
He inspired us to change
through the legislative process,
to become a more perfect union.
That's exactly what
President Trump
is calling on the Congress
to do.
Through the legislative process?
I think Mike Pence just skipped
over the whole protesting
and getting beaten up part.
He was just like,
"That's what Martin Luther King
wanted us to do."
Like, I never watched the
trailer for Selma and thought,
"Oh, man, that looks like some
intensive legislative process.
Yeah."
For more on Dr. King's legacy,
we turn now to Dulcé Sloan,
everybody!
(cheering and applause)
Hello!
Dulcé,
if-if Martin Luther King
were here,
where do you think
he would stand
on the government shutdown?
I think he would stand inside,
'cause it's too damn cold.
Why is Martin Luther King Day
on the coldest day of the year?
I mean, why can't
we celebrate him in July?
Then we can, you know, march
outside and have a cookout.
Yeah, but then it wouldn't be
on his birthday.
Oh. So a black man
can't have two birthdays?
It's 2019, Trevor.
I thought we moved past this.
What? I didn't know
there was a civil rights--
Anyway, never mind. Wh-- Okay,
while you were indoors today,
what do you think
and what are you remembering
about Dr. King's legacy?
You know what I want
to remember?
The real Reverend
Dr. Martin Luther King,
not the whitewashed
Hallmark version.
Because, every year, people
talk about the same stuff:
the "I Have a Dream" speech,
the March on Washington,
how he had the voice
of a Scooby-Doo ghost.
"I have a dream.
"And I would've gotten away
with it, too,
if it weren't
for those meddling kids!"
But the real Dr. King
did not fit in any box.
White moderates think
he would've been on their side,
but he thought they were worse
for the civil rights movement
than the Klan.
And mattress stores are out here
having MLK Day sales,
but Dr. King was anticapitalist.
And even though he was
a reverend and a man of God,
he allegedly had
a whole bunch of affairs.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, hold on.
Even if that's true, I mean,
that he-- that he had affairs,
isn't it disrespectful
to mention that on his birthday?
I don't think so.
It's part of his legacy.
A reminder that our heroes
aren't perfect-- they're people.
And I'm not being disrespectful.
(cheering and applause)
Just the opposite.
MLK was out there getting it.
And probably still could.
I mean, if he showed up
on my Bumble, I'd take him to...
♪ The mountaintop
and the valley low. ♪
I've never thought of MLK
on Bumble.
Well, he wouldn't be on Tinder!
That man had class.
If everyone knew
that fighting for civil rights
could get you some,
a lot more people
would fight for equality,
equal pay, voting rights.
And whoever can stop
black people from getting shot
by the police,
we'll (bleep) tonight, okay?
(cheering and applause)
I'll show up!
I'll show up, all right?
Now, first, you get a million
in the streets,
then you get a million
in the sheets.
Dulcé Sloan, everybody!
