• From being told our penises would fall
off, to being told creepy things by old people,
the Planet Dolan crew re-enact some of the
best true stories from our subreddit “weirdest
piece of advice we’ve ever received” – I’m
Dolan and today I’ll be your narrator
10 – Kissmyanus Hellbent
The weirdest piece of advice Hellbent ever
received scared him silly when he was a child.
He was about 5 years old and had just discovered
the beautiful art of swearing.
The day he learned to use swear words, he
began throwing insults around like he was
Oprah giving away free cars.
That was until an old woman who looked like
a witch told him that if he cursed too much,
his penis would fall off.
He didn’t know whether she was right or
not, but for six months he didn’t swear
once.
Just in case.
9 - K2o11ux Nixxiom
Nixxiom was told some pretty weird advice
from his own mother when he was a teenager.
They were having breakfast one morning when
Nixxiom’s mom decided to dispense some random
dating advice.
“Nixxiom,” she said, “If you love someone…
If you really love them, tie them to a bed.
If they don’t find that shit completely
kinky then dump them and go back to the dating
pool” Nixxiom just continued eating his
cereal, unsure of how to respond to his mother’s
random advice.
8 – Anonymous_cases Doopie
When Doopie was a young girl, she was watching
TV with her family.
There was a news story about kids being abducted
in a nearby neighbourhood.
Her cousin who was at her house decided to
give her some advice just in case Doopie ever
came into contact with a crazy child abductor.
He told her that she should stand up and fight,
and that she could make a weapon out of anything,
including her own feces.
It was some slightly extreme advice.
She wondered if she would even have to time
to take a dump if she was being abducted.
7 – ElapidKing Pringle
When Pringle was working at a convenience
store once, he was standing at the register
sneezing and blowing his nose.
A nice old woman came in and noticed Pringle
had a cold.
She told him she knew of an ancient remedy
for colds that she swears will fix a cold
instantly.
He asked her what the remedy was.
She told Pringle that when you have a cold,
what you have to do is dip your fingers in
cough medicine and then insert it into your
anus.
He thanked the old lady but assured her his
immune system would take care of it.
6 – SophiaSyphers Princess Proton
When Princess Proton was younger she had a
few health issues.
Instead of taking her to see a doctor, her
mom decided that Proton had really low blood
pressure, and that she needed to eat ten bags
of potato chips each day.
Being a kid, Princess Proton didn’t argue.
Who doesn’t love potato chips?
Her mom told her that she needed more salt
in her diet and that potato chips were really
good for her condition.
I’m not a doctor, but something about that
seems kinda..
Insane?
5 –NeroRedwolf GhostToast
GhostToast once received a pretty baffling
piece of advice.
He was told by his college teacher, “You
can lead a horse to water, but if you can't
teach it the backstroke you haven't accomplished
anything.”
I mean, it’s pretty much nonsense.
I’ve seen horses drinking water, they even
paddle in it.
But you’re setting the bar pretty high if
you think you could be the first person in
history to teach a horse to swim on it’s
back.
I feel like the moral of that story is, aim
so high that you will never be able to reach
your dreams and live in a constant state of
shame and disappointment.
4 -DefterTuna SweetCommando
When SweetCommando first joined the military,
he had a drill sergeant who did not mess about.
He taught his troops this piece of advice:
“If the thought of doing something makes
you giggle for more than three seconds, you
should assume you're not allowed to do it.”
It’s no wonder that military people are
so disciplined.
They can only do things that make them giggle
for two seconds or less.
3 – pops668 Tolop
Tolop’s uncle was a mysterious man.
One day he decided that he needed to share
some cryptic advice with Tolop.
His uncle sat him down and brought him some
whiskey.
He told Tolop that once they finished speaking
about his advice, they could never speak of
it again.
Tolop was all ears, desperate to know what
words of wisdom his uncle was about to impart.
He leaned close to Tolop, stared him in the
eyes and said, “Earlier than you want to,
and more often than you can stand.”
Then he stood up and left.
To this day, Tolop has literally no idea what
he was talking about.
2 – PhantomsGlory330 Zaraganba
When Zaraganba was eight years old, his grandfather
took him to McDonalds for a happy meal.
It was a nice afternoon and everyone was in
a happy, cheerful mood.
They were waiting in the line to make their
order when Zaraganba’s grandfather looked
down at him and without any expression on
his face, he whispered, “Don’t die”
then continued to order their food at the
counter.
Zaraganba stood there and awkwardly smiled
back but in his head he was thinking, ‘What
the fuck was that about?
Don’t die?
I’ll try fucking not to!’
1 – Number one was submitted by Dolan
Huge thanks for 
the folks over on our Planet Dolan subreddit
for submitting their stories.
We have another question for you: “What's
the simplest thing you've ever failed at?”
Let us know in the reddit page linked below
and you might be featured in a future countdown.
