- Look, we're supposed
to to go eat at Fogo de--
(distant yelling)
We're supposed to eat at Fogo de Chao,
which is a Brazilian steak restaurant,
and Morango is giving me shit.
- No no no, bro, listen,
every day this guy spends
30 plus minutes in the shower.
You're not gonna get prettier
than you already is, bro, let's go.
- Look, look, there's,
there's two rules in life,
never touch a black man's radio,
and never interrupt a man
while he's taking a shower.
- Shower?
(laughing)
(singing in foreign language)
- Brazil!
Brazil!
(speaking in foreign language)
- Melissa, how bad are you at parking,
on a scale of one to 10?
- (laughs) Nine.
- You're a nine?
Like, you're that bad?
- Well, actually, I'm like
a seven, I'm not too bad.
- Can you tell people that you just
gave up your parking job to Kurrent?
- It's curved, so that, not--
- Wait a minute, curves
makes a difference?
- Yeah (laughs).
- Actually, he's taking a while too.
- Hey, Kurrent, in Melissa's defense,
you also took a long time to park, bro.
- That is true, I just thought it
was funny 'cause you got the Asian girl--
- Do you have a Hawaiian
drivers license or a California?
- I have both.
- Your license test, is it only
in a surrounding body of water?
(laughs)
- It's actually on a boat.
- [Panhandler] Thank you
guys, a lot, Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
- Merry Christmas
- [Dilanka] Melissa, you're
supposed to read the sign.
- It said Hungry and Homeless,
but I couldn't read--
- [Dilanka] First of all,
it was a whole paragraph.
(laughs)
- It was too long.
- Alright, try it.
We got coconut macadamia, oatmeal raisin,
and something California
Killer Cookies chocolate.
- California Killer Cookies?
- Yeah.
- [Kurrent] Chocolate?
- [Dilanka] It's one of the
best cookie places in San Diego.
- [Kurrent] I like this.
You see that?
It's their logo, we'll
give them props for that.
- Well, try it, you have to
give me the honest reaction.
- Well, if Dilanka says it's
good, I kinda believe him
on the food over here, so I'm
gonna take a piece of this.
- What was that, like a fat joke?
- No, no, yeah that was a fat joke.
This half, white chocolate,
this is the killer one.
- Give me samples on all of them.
- Mmm, that's good, good cookie.
- Out of 10, what, what
do you give out of 10?
- Like a, I give like
eight, I give it eight.
It's light, you can tell
it's not too sugary,
but it's--
- We just went to, uh--
- I don't know what a 10 would be,
so I'm just gonna say eight.
- 10 is like orgasm.
- 10 is be like, I'd run in there,
steal the whole plate, and
run out without paying.
- No, 10 is like--
- We're at that kind of risk.
- 10 is like you need new pants.
- New panties.
(chuckles)
- [Dilanka] Why are you
so excited, Kurrent?
- So, there's certain investments
I passed up, that are doing really well.
- [Dilanka] Uh huh.
- What's a 365% gain in one day?
- [Dilanka] Red coin?
- Yeah.
- Never heard of it.
- [Kurrent] So, it's a
social media platform
that they pay out, and
Kaeden's super into it.
(laughs)
- [Dilanka] Is it really 365%?
- You didn't see that?
- Let me tell you guys Kurrent's strategy
for trading crypto currencies.
He buys a lot of undervalued coins,
then he basically shills
for all those coins.
He tells people that he
knows to go buy them,
just so that his own
coin value will go up.
(Kurrent laughs)
He's like a Hawaiian Bernie
Madoff, at a micro scale.
- Bernie Madoff.
- [Dilanka] Yeah, you feel
good about that, Kurrent?
- You know--
- Recommending people coins that aren't
that may not work out,
just for your own benefit?
- You know, I'm only gonna give
good advice to some of my friends.
The other people, they can
bring in all this new money
and I'm tryin' to have like 10 babies,
so I gotta have like, I gotta
make sure I have enough money.
- Did you say 10 babies?
- 10 babies.
- What are you, Mormon, dude?
- [Kurrent] No.
Close.
(both laughing)
- Hawaiians have a limit right?
- [Kurrent] I think 11 makes you Mormon.
- Look, Kaeden's like Master
Krang, from Ninja Turtles.
- In Dimension X, I am absolute master.
You will do my bidding from now on.
- He's like 100 times smaller than me
and Kurrent, and he basically
controls our behavior--
- Oh, yes.
- By giving us orders.
Like, we just went for a walk,
because, you know, he
forced us to go to walk.
And it's borderline raining outside,
and we have no choice.
- No choice.
- He's like a tyrant in a cute lion suit.
It's like Robert Mugabe, bro.
(laughing)
- [Kurrent] Hey, what's up baby?
- [Melissa] Hi, babe, what you guys doin'?
- We just went out for a walk.
- And we're recording your phone call.
- [Melissa] Oh cool, is Dilanka still,
are you still cruising with Dilanka?
- Hell ya, dawg!
- Nice.
- That's your answer.
- Look, I just want to let you guys know,
that my friendship with
Kurrent just ended,
(Kurrent laughing)
because he told me that he has
no idea who Carl Sagan is.
- I don't.
I don't.
- How old are you?
- Old enough.
- How old are you?
Give me an age.
- I'm 31.
- He's 31 years old and he doesn't know
who Carl Sagan is, it's
unacceptable, you know?
He's more important than Jesus, bro.
- [Kurrent] Oh.
- Contact?
Contact?
Cosmos?
Original Cosmos?
- [Kurrent] Kaeden, help me out here!
- Pale Blue Dot?
The Blue Planet?
Pale Blue Dot?
(Kurrent laughing)
No, nothing?
- No, no bro, no, nothing.
- Let me--
- I feel like I should be
educated on this Carl Sagan
guy, and the Pale Blue Dot.
- Let me change your life right now.
- [Kurrent] I need to be changed.
- I'm gonna change your life
by introducing you to Carl Sagan, bro.
- But, we are also capable of using
our compassion and our intelligence,
our technology and our wealth,
to make an abundant and meaningful life
for every inhabitant of this planet.
To enhance enormously our
understanding of the universe,
and to carry us to the stars.
- [Carl Sagan] In a vast, cosmic arena,
think of the rivers of blood,
(baby cooing)
spilled by all those
generals and emperors,
so that in glory and
triumph, they could become
the momentary masters
of a fraction of a Dot.
Think of the endless cruelty visited
on the inhabitants of
one corner of this pixel,
on the scarcely
distinguishable inhabitants
of some other corner.
- [Dilanka] Kurrent, what do you
think about Pale Blue Dot, bro?
(hip hop music)
- Liberating.
- Yeah?
It's pretty magical shit, dude.
- It's magical
- Yeah.
(playful music)
