Hey!
It’s Loretta Jenkins again
and I’m here to service you
with another How I Seize It-
Ow.
How I Seize It!
And lift you out of the pit of-
ignoratism.
Goddamn!
How do they wear that shit?
I can’t breathe.
That’s why they so mad all the time.
They can’t breathe.
Lord…
I swear, I’m like a Christine Amanpour
from the 60 Minutes series.
You know, it go,
“Tick tick tick tick tick…”
And half the time I
just grab my 6-pack and
jump and roll out my trailer window,
cause I would not be surprised
one fucking bit
if them sumbitches try
and take me down right here!
Fuckin’ terrorists.
Try to get anybody what’s
got some free speech.
I ain’t scared of ya.
But I’m surprised my head’s still is attached.
They hates women and free speech
and open titties-
(coughs)
-so you know something’s wrong
with their brainwashed, unwashed noggin’.
What men ‘kept queers hates titties?
(laughs)
You know what I just realized.
ISIS bass-ackwards says SISI.
Yeah, you a buncha fuckin’ SISIs!
Makin’ your womens and your youngins
doin’ your suicide bombins for ya.
Oh yeah…you ALL them balls.
And SISI is backward Hinjuju for sheep-fuckers.
I read that onlines.
You think your god alright with that?
Eww!
What I wanna know is why
we gotta call them whatever
they wanna be called.
Can we call them SISIs?
Can I get a consensus?
#SisiIsTheNewIsis
Come on, y’all.
Let’s start that shit.
That’d be fun.
Get on Tweeders and
it’ll show up on your Facebook, too.
(laughs)
ISIS is SISI.
You probably gotta have
a dick littler than a North Korean’s
to join up with that group.
This is what a little dick ISIS penis looks
like.
And then you gonna lose
about half of that
with the robes between ya.
So really, that right there?
That’s all you gonna get.
Shit, no wonder they so crazy.
They just like a squirrel lookin’ for a
nut.
So somebody hand me a rifle,
I’m gonna make me a squirrel coat.
I think if somebody was
a citizen of your country,
and then they start spouting’ off
how they wanna be like
this other backwards country
cause they bloodline come from there,
well they is an enemy of the state,
and we ought to bring back
the firin’ squad.
Or let them be euchanized
and cut they balls off.
Y’all ought to Benedict Cumberback
them sumbitches.
They ain’t no patriots!
No, no wait…not Benedict Arnold.
Did they name them eggs after him?
Goddang, why I got food on the brain?
I get hungry when I’m angry
and then all I take in is liquid nutrition
and then I gets to thinkin’
and then I get all angry again
and as you can tell,
it is just a vicious fuckin’ cycle.
We got to realize that sooner and later
that ISIS is just a buncha
carbon copy Hitlers,
tryin’ to instigate World War 3.
And ergo, igno, faxo-
they need to be took out
like American buncha Snipers.
Pew pew pew pew pew pew!
Dun dun dun dun…
SISIs fail, SISIs fail…
Uh oh, looks like it’s time
for another Crusades again,
except this time the enemy deserve it.
They probably mad cause they
have to live in the damn sandbox.
Y’all know how when you
been to the beach for a while
and you get some sand in your cooch
and then you think-
“Well I’ll leave ‘em in there a while
‘cause it might turn into pearls, y’know?”
They…they wasn’t no pearls,
so it took me like three rounds
of antibiotics to get Miss Kitty
lookin’ somewhat even normal.
So what you gonna do, SISI?
Come over here and wrap
this slammin’ bod up in a blanket?
I dare ya!
I don’t think so!
And how come y’all supposed to be so smart?
Y’all wear the sweatiest damn clothes
and live in the hottest damn place
in Amer- in the world!
Man, that’s why you stink.
You got bad B.O.
AH!
Wait…I’m generalizin’ again.
I said I wasn’t gonna do that no more.
I don’t like y’all postin’ them memes
that says all Muslims is evil.
Because I got some damn good friends
what’s Muslims-
they my friends, they good.
You leavin’ off an important word.
See, you got your Muslims
and you got your Muslim
extreeeeeeemistssssssss.
So why don’t you start
just practicin’ that-
sayin’ it in your head
and your finger typin’
so you can remember it!
You’ll sound less ignorant.
Christians got they own extremists,
like the KKK
and the Westboro Baptist fuckers.
Do y’all find out them sumbitches
try to boycott Dr. Spock’s funeral?
You know what we need to do
with these people?
We need to use them as shields
when we fightin’ SISI- ISIS.
And we need to stop givin’ rights
to terrorists and treasonators
GODDAMNIT!
And that’s How I-
Oh…shit.
I was tryin’ not to say that word so much,
so people will quit bitchin’ at me
so much.
Lessen it’s that god ISIS is prays to.
Goddamn that god, whoever he is.
And that’s How I Seize It.
