♫ Zack Morris is Trash.
- [Voiceover] Zack Morris
heard Screech's parents
are going out of town
for their anniversary
and shows up like he owns the place
before they've left the house.
He carelessly picks up Mrs.
Powers' prize Elvis statue,
making her scream she would die
if anything ever happened to it.
Mrs. Powers hands Screech
a huge list of rules,
including no girls and no parties,
which Zack urges him to ignore.
Slater says they can still have fun
hanging out doing guy stuff.
Hold that thought.
Jessie, a decent human,
sees Violet getting harassed
by her nerdy boyfriend
Max and stands up for her.
Max responds by forcing himself on Jessie.
That's gonna be important later.
Hey, remember that guy stuff?
Turns out to be this, which okay,
looks like a good time I guess,
even though surfing on the
couch and dropping your nuts
on the floor are probably
against the rules.
The girls show up to point
and laugh at these losers.
Screech tries to kick them out,
but their dance moves are contagious
and they knock over the Elvis status.
Zack, who knows how
important the statue is,
stands there and does
nothing to try and save it,
then decides now is a great
time to try some fresh material.
- Looks like the king is dead,
again.
- Screech passes out and
has a nightmarish vision
where he's visited by his deceased mother
who died as a result of his negligence.
Zack tells Screech not to worry
because they'll get a replacement statue,
even though he has no idea if one exists,
where to buy it, or
how much it might cost.
Lisa miraculously finds
an identical statue
that costs $250 doing all of the legwork
while Zack sat on his lazy blonde ass.
Zack sees Max harassing
his now ex-girlfriend
and decides to teach him a lesson.
- $250 lesson.
- [Voiceover] Because robbing this nerd
will definitely teach
him to respect women.
Zack organizes a poker
game at Screech's house,
breaking the house rules yet again,
and everyone unsurprisingly
loses all their money to Max,
who is dressed like he
works at a goddamn casino.
Zack is down to his last
dime when he gets a hand
he proudly shows to all his
friends with a big dumb grin
like all great poker players do.
Unable to come up with the
$50 necessary to keep playing,
Zack bets Screech's dog.
Zack assures Screech he
cannot lose with this hand
and pressures Max into
going all in for $250
against the value of this live animal.
Zack has four queens,
which would be great,
except for the fact that Max
beats him with four kings.
Max takes the dog and Screech drifts
into a catatonic state of shock.
Also, there are 42 poker hands
that can beat four queens,
you fucking genius, but don't worry.
Zack assures everyone he'll
teach Max another lesson.
That lesson, stand behind
Slater while he threatens Max
and takes all the risk of
getting caught assaulting a peer
when the principal shows up.
Max says he'll give the dog back
if he can get a date with Jessie.
Zack tells Max he'll happily make
one of his best female friends
spend the night with a guy
he knows abuses women and
sexually violated her yesterday,
but not before Zack announces
they're going to have a
party at Screech's house.
That's right, Zack finally
gets to have his party,
only now he's charging an entrance fee
so they can buy the statue
and maybe make some
extra cash on the side.
When Jessie says she won't
go on Zack's arranged date,
he guilts her into it by reminding Screech
of the dog he lost to make him cry.
Zack ignores Jessie begging
for help at the party.
- Help me!
- [Voiceover] And they get enough cash
to buy the statue just
in time for Screech's mom
to come home early and catch them.
Zack convinces her it's a
party for their anniversary
thanks to a banner he rigged,
because apparently he knew
they'd probably get caught
but still had the party anyway.
Let's review.
Zack Morris tried to get his best friend
to have a party against
his mother's rules,
did nothing to stop her
statue from shattering,
did nothing to help find a replacement,
lost all his friend's
money in a poker match,
gambled away Screech's dog,
forced his best friend to go on a date
with a known sex offender,
and threw a party anyways
knowing he'd get caught.
Zack Morris is trash.
♫ Zack Morris is trash
