- [Narrator] Warning.
The following program contains
scenes of graphic stupidity
among four lifelong friends
who compete to embarrass each other.
- [Sal] Prepare for something amazing.
- Today we're teaming up
at Skydive Long Island
in Calverton teaching people
how to jump out of planes.
- Well.
- Maybe we're not, Murr.
Maybe it's your punishment.
- No it is not, no it is
not, there's no (beep) way.
(laughing)
- No no no no no no no.
(screaming and laughing)
You have (beep) the episode.
- No no no no no no no.
- So Murray thought we were coming here
to teach classes today.
But in fact, it's his punishment.
Guys, we did it, we get to
throw Murray out of a plane.
(screaming)
- Oh my God.
(cheering)
- Oh my God, oh my God.
- Geronimo!
(screaming)
- [Sal] Oh my God.
- [Joe] (beep) you guys.
(screaming)
It's rocking.
When it stops, it rocks.
- Scary as (beep).
- Joe are you okay up there?
- No, no I'm not okay up here.
- Alright, Joe, to get the
sooner the tram starts moving,
the sooner you're done with this.
- Yes, yes.
How do we get it moving?
- Joe, look look your dogs,
somebody's kept your
dogs hostage up there.
It's Cannoli and Biscotti.
- Go save your dogs.
(screaming)
- Whoa.
- Are you kidding me?
- Whoa I'm scared.
- You gotta save your dogs, buddy.
- (beep) those dogs.
(laughing)
- [Joe] Oh wow.
(laughing)
We've outdone ourselves.
- I'm gonna pass out.
- [Q] I got something
that's gonna wake you up
coming right about.
- [Joe] Say hello.
- [Sal] I'm not looking, I'm not looking.
(rumble)
(laughing)
The second it makes a
sound, I almost urinated.
- [Joe] Oh, there you go.
- [Murr] Peekaboo.
- Oh my God.
This is not right.
- [Murray] Get up there, get it.
- [Joe] There's your
friends, take a look, Sal.
- There's more than
one of one (beep) bear?
(laughing)
- [Murr] Oh my God.
- Some of the tables upstairs
are ours and they break.
Go break the tables.
- The other ones that aren't
ours, what happens to those?
- They don't break.
- So don't break.
- I guess they could break.
- [Murr] Joe, all the
tables look the same.
- I was hoping that would
have been a misstep.
- [Q] No, no, no.
- I mean, I gotta try this table,
I'm gonna try this table
with the dude here.
- [Q] There he goes.
- [Joe] Everything okay?
What'd you get there, the beef stroganoff?
- The meatloaf.
- Meatloaf.
- I wanted a hamburger, they
ran out of freakin' burgers.
- Sorry about that.
You know I could find out
if they can get you another burger.
- Can you?
- Yeah, I could find out.
We might have some in the,
we were getting a delivery.
(laughing)
- The table's not just gonna crumble
if you put five pounds of pressure on it.
We're gonna need you to
go full-bore airborne.
- [Joe] Oh my God.
(slam)
(laughing and clapping)
- [Murr] That's a fail, bud.
- We got broken glass up front.
- [Q] Look at the guy's face.
- He's pissed.
- We'll get you into the water
there, we'll clean that up.
- Floor's slippery, careful.
- I didn't realize there
was so much water on the.
Whoops.
(crash)
(laughing and clapping)
- [Joe] Here's your punishment, bud.
Draw an X on every canvas in the room.
Look at all these canvases.
(laughing)
- [Murr] Welcome to your punishment, jerk.
- Oh my God.
- This is basically impossible,
you know what I'm saying?
Everybody's looking good.
Let's see each painting, all right.
I like your cat.
Oh, I love your little cat.
- Oh my God.
- This is tough.
Here we go.
- Oh yeah.
(laughing)
- No.
- Finished.
(laughing)
- [Murr] No.
- [Joe] All right, bud, keep going.
(laughing)
(grunting)
- [Sal] Oh God.
- [Murr] Look at their faces.
- This does not feel right.
- [Murr] That's two, six more to go.
(ceremonial pipe organ music)
- What's going on?
That's my (beep) sister, I swear to God.
(laughing)
I'm gonna kill you.
What the (beep) are you doing?
- Getting legally married.
- That's not true.
- [Joe] Oh, it's true.
- For the (beep) joke?
(laughing)
For a joke?
- It's a good joke.
(shushing)
- On behalf of James and Jenna,
thank you for joining us.
They are delighted that you have come here
to share in their joy
during this special day.
- Is that a real priest?
Oh God.
- The couple would now
like to share a video
of their loving journey that
brought us all here today.
(slow piano music)
- [Sal] Oh my God, I can't take this.
(laughing)
- Nice, oh where is this?
Where are they going?
- Where are they?
- [Sal] Oh it's the city clerk's.
That's really the city clerk's office.
- [Joe] Is that an official
marriage certificate?
- [Q] Oh no that's not a real deal, is it?
- [Joe] He's signing it.
Oh no, she's signing it at
the city clerk's office.
(laughing)
(applause)
- I, James Murray, take you, Sal's sister,
(laughing)
to be my lawfully wedded wife.
I take you for who you are, and
who you are is Sal's sister.
(laughing)
- I can't take this.
What an amazing moment, in the same day,
I get a wife and a brother.
- [Sal] All right, baby boy.
You're at the front door,
you're collecting cover charges.
You got that fanny pack
stacked with cashola.
- [Joe] That official staff
badge, you're all set.
- How's it going, man, how are ya?
- [Murr] Here we go.
- Good, good, we're collecting
for the band tonight.
- Five.
- All right, thank you.
- Thanks.
- So what Q doesn't know is
there's no cover tonight.
This is a free show.
Every single person is giving him money.
- Oh cool, thank you.
- Well that's a lot of money.
- I never thought I was gonna say this but
am I gonna get punished anytime soon?
(laughing)
- Settle in.
(crowd noise)
- Hey everybody, could
I have your attention
for one quick minute here, real quick?
- [Murr] Here we go, here we go.
- Tight Fred is gonna come out
here in just a few minutes,
but I have a quick announcement that
it's been brought to my attention
that somebody was outside
collecting money for the venue here.
But no one here, it's a free night,
there's no cover charge tonight.
So any money that was
collected was not for the band.
I'm very sorry, but if you
find that person, please.
- [Person In Crowd] Let's get him!
- Try and get your money back.
(laughing)
(crowd booing)
(laughing and clapping)
(crowd booing)
- The money's gone.
- You are in the lion's den now.
- The place is in an uproar right now.
- Where's the (beep) money?
Where is it?
- It's in the fanny pack,
and the fanny pack is somewhere else.
No, it's cool, it's cool.
- That's so (beep) up.
Where?
- Yeah it's right.
- That's so (beep) official.
(laughing)
- Oh man, that's my beer.
- Oh my God, this is tense.
- Why are you still here?
I don't understand why you're still here.
- Well I'm a big fan of the band.
(laughing)
- Oh my God, do you have a receipt?
- Do you have a receipt?
- You don't remember that?
- You're gonna have a
receipt when you go outside.
- Oh my God.
- Oh no I'm cool, I'm
gonna watch the show.
- [Joe] It's getting a
little hairy in there, buddy.
Don't worry, the bag
of money's at the bar.
- I'm gonna go by the bar.
The thing's over there.
- Oh someone threw a can,
they threw a beer can at him.
- It's only $5.
I mean, let's not devolve into animals.
Oh, here we go.
(laughing)
- A sack of quarters.
- Give people their money back.
- And for your punishment buddy,
we came to the Downtown Conference Center,
where you'll be playing a culinary expert
presenting foods from around the world.
- Okay.
- Except you're not gonna
be able to taste anything.
In fact, you're not gonna be
able to say anything either.
- Because we're gonna shoot up your mouth
and your chompers with tons of Novocaine.
(laughing)
- Wait, this is dangerous for real.
You can't just inject a drug in my body.
- It's going to be completely
painless, I promise.
(laughing)
- Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome everyone, my name.
(laughing)
- [Q] This is brilliant.
- My name is James Murray,
and I'm a food enthusiast.
I'm very excited today
to be presenting to you
foods from different continents
that I've traveled to around the world.
Okay.
This is a traditional Italian dish
of spaghetti and meatballs.
- What is it, what is it?
- Spaghetti and meatballs.
Oh and of course to compliment
it, we have Cabernet.
We have a delightful glass
of Cabernet Sauvignon.
(laughing)
- So now most people get
spaghetti and meatballs
in a bolognese sauce.
- Most people get spaghetti and meatballs
in a bolognese sauce.
(laughing)
- And of course, let's not
forget a good garlicky pesto.
- And let's not forget
a good garlicky pe...
pesto sauce.
(laughing)
- I also like.
- I also like.
- Shrimp scampi.
- Shrimp scampi.
- Welcome, friends.
- [Sal] Here we go.
So an audience is here to see
a play called Arabian Nights,
is our show, Joe is our genie.
And we literally control his movements.
- Let our show begin.
- [Q] All right, show time.
- [Murr] So this is our
friend, Chris O'Neill.
He's a Broadway star
from The Book of Mormon.
- Life is tough.
If only I were a prince.
What's this junk?
(blowing)
- [Q] Here comes Joey.
(laughing)
- Are you a genie?
- Yes.
- Can I wish for anything I want?
- [Q] Genie does as you wish.
- Genie does as you wish.
- Can you fly?
- Genie does as you wish.
(laughing)
- Turkey, turkey.
He's not even in the spotlight.
Out of the spotlight.
- Can I wish to marry the princess?
- Genie does as you wish.
(crash)
(audience screaming)
(laughing)
- Can I wish for unmatchable power?
- Genie does as you wish.
(crash)
(audience screaming)
(laughing)
- So stupid!
- More than anything, I'd
love to marry the princess,
but she has to marry a prince,
and a prince needs a palace.
Genie, I wish for a palace.
- Genie does as you wish.
(crashing)
(laughing)
- [Q] Look at the audience.
- Here we go, here we go!
(intense upbeat orchestral music)
(cheering)
- I'm so excited for Sal to win.
- I'm so (beep) nervous.
- [Joe] Sal, look at
these, look around you,
you're in a sea of angry people.
- [Q] I mean notice how not one of them
looks like they're having a good time.
(laughing)
- B6.
- Dude I am the scaredest
I have been since like
I can't, I can't even tell you,
and I'm being dead serious.
- [Announcer] I16.
- I'm okay, thank you.
(laughing)
- [Joe] She's worried.
- [Announcer] G58.
- Ready Sal?
- Please don't, please don't.
- Bingo!
(heavy breathing)
- Bingo.
(laughing)
I got bingo.
(buzz)
- [Joe] It's on the
screen, it's on the screen,
look he's nowhere near it.
- Oh they can see my card?
So the whole place just saw my card
and saw how many I was missing?
Okay thank you.
- [Murr] Now look
everybody's looking at him.
- [Joe] Now it's bad.
- Let's see what happens next.
- Please I hope I have bingo for real.
- [Announcer] N35.
- Bingo!
- Oh my God, oh my God.
Bingo!
(laughing)
- Look at, listen to them!
- [Joe] Look at this lady.
- My bad, I got it this
time, I got it this time.
(buzz)
- Oh my God.
- Look, look at these looks.
- [Murr] Look at the looks you're getting.
(laughing)
- My bad, my bad, my bad.
(laughing)
Oh my goodness, I can't do it.
- [Announcer] O70
- Oh my God, I can't do it again.
- No, no, no, you don't
have to, don't worry.
- [Announcer] B12.
- Bingo.
(laughing)
- [Joe, Murr, Q] Bingo, bingo!
(beep)
- Bingo!
(laughing)
(screaming)
