The border wall,
Trump's favorite
imaginary friend.
Building it was
his biggest campaign promise,
and if you voted for him,
then good news:
it's finally happening.
NEWSMAN: President Trump tonight
 diverting billions of dollars
 from the Pentagon
 from the military
 to fund his border wall.
NEWSWOMAN: The Pentagon
 notifying lawmakers
 it is diverting funds away
 from over a hundred
 military construction projects.
 $3.6 billion in total
 to pay for the president's
 border wall,
 cutting funds Congress approved
 for all sorts of programs,
 like $40 million
 from Camp Lejeune,
 $160 million from West Point
 and, the single largest cut
 in the United States
 and its territories,
 $400 million for efforts
 to rebuild military sites
 in Puerto Rico
 after they were wrecked
 by Hurricane Maria.
 President Trump
 says the money is needed
 as a matter
 of national security.
Wow.
He seems like an idiot,
but this guy's a genius.
No, you see,
I didn't see it before,
but clearly,
this was his plan all along.
Think about it.
Trump builds the wall
by taking money away
from the military.
Now America has no military
and is totally defenseless,
so Mexico invades,
takes over America.
Now Mexico runs America,
which means Mexico
is paying for the wall.
(laughter)
Brilliant.
-Brilliant plan.
-(cheering and applause)
Wow!
No, for real.
For real, man,
Trump is struggling here.
He went from,
"Mexico will pay for the wall"
to stealing the money
from his own military?
If this is how he negotiates,
I can see why he went bankrupt
so many times.
Like, he would be
the worst kidnapper ever.
"If you want
to see your son again,
you're gonna need to pay me
a million dollars."
"I don't have
a million dollars!"
"Then I'm gonna pay you."
(laughter)
All right, let's move on now
to some international news.
While schools in America
are trying to get
their scores higher,
schools in Britain are
just trying to get a high score.
Kids in England
are gonna learn life skills
a whole new way
by playing video games.
Get this. Nintendo games
are being introduced
into the curriculum
to help teach computing
and other skills.
Classics like Mario
and Donkey Kong
will become a fixture
in the classrooms, as well,
just like Shakespeare and the
periodic table of the elements.
The head of the initiative
believes this will inspire
the next generation
of young minds
across the United Kingdom.
Yes, you heard that right.
 Super Mario will be taught in
schools just like Shakespeare.
(chuckles) They're gonna be
playing Nintendo games
as part of school.
Like, that-that's the one thing
that could make
video games boring,
is a teacher trying to teach it.
Just being like,
"Now, remember, students,
"as in real life,
the best way to kill a turtle
is to jump on it, okay?"
I will say, I think
teaching Mario in school
is a great idea. I mean,
I learned so many things
from that game
that I still follow today.
You know?
If you eat spicy plants,
fire's gonna shoot out
of your ass.
Uh, if you see an open pipe,
always jump into it.
And, most importantly,
you never get the girl because
she's always in another castle.
Yeah. Because it's a castle.
You can't chase her around.
You can chase her all you want,
yeah, but she's not coming back
to your shitty studio apartment
when the other guy has a castle.
So stop stalking her
and get a job!
These are the lessons
I learned from games.
And, finally,
a new story from Germany
about an amusement park ride
that wasn't so amusing.
REPORTER: And in the category
 of "you had one job,"
 a German amusement park
 has been forced
 to shut down a new ride
 after customers noted
 parts of it looked
 like a giant spinning swastika.
 The Adlerflug, which is German
 for "Eagle's Flight,"
 consists of eagle-shaped cars
 connected to an axis
 that strongly resembles
 the notorious symbol
 of Nazi Germany.
 After a social media backlash,
 the owners
 immediately closed the ride.
Oh, man, that...
that does not look good.
And it's even worse
when you see the sign that says,
"You must be this tall to ride."
Honestly, you know,
the most shocking part
of this story for me
is that Germans have
amusement parks.
That doesn't seem
like a German idea.
You just picture them out,
like, "Family,
"we are going to have
a mandatory fun day.
 "Und, remember,
when we get our picture taken,
we show German joy!"
Now, look, obviously,
this was a mistake.
But if you're a German,
you can't afford
to make this kind of mistake,
all right?
Stay away from anything
that could even closely resemble
a swastika.
In fact, just stay away
from right angles, completely.
Everything in Germany
should be curved.
All the buildings
should be curved.
Tables and chairs
should be curved.
Don't even dance the robot.
It's too close.
It's dangerous.
Yeah. Just keep it tight.
Finger guns, finger guns.
Okay, actually, no guns.
You're German. No guns.
Just peace signs, peace signs.
