I have a work related issue
i stumbled upon something that
Well she was suckin his dick outside
Ive been having feelings for other males
Im just kinda wondering like any advice you could give me
WELL Ive experimented with my male cousins before, but
Hello judy Uhh im calling from england, my.. you know that
story in the bible with, with moses? yeah, theres some bush
And the bush is on fire and
and then he speaks to God
What iff it was weed? and, like he got so high, that he was
speaking to like God
But he was high
HE he
all i just want just want someone to pray for me that
I want a more dominant partnership
And, you know, he screams JAMES RUSSELS JAMES RUSSELS
My father, he sent me to Jesus Camp when i was little
Can you give a shout out to um, to my friend OP?
I have a friend, OP, whos dealing with similar issues
James, James Russels
OP
A prayer for my aunt, shes been, well, we call her /b/
She's been battling cancer
She got really bad the start of this summer (lol)
Yes, aunt /b/. Thank you, praise jeebus
My name is Alex Holmes
I live in a neighborhood full of people that are black
Everytime they see me, they make fun of me
They call me "cis scum"
Why?
 
My brother JAMES HOLMES
Can you have a prayer for him too? He got in a shooting accident.
JAMES
Hey, can you hear me?
Can ya hear me?
There is no god! :D
There is no god. :D
There is no god! :D
Yeah I just wana ask a prayer for my boy
TRAYVON
He was murdered and
They caught the guy
His name is GEORGE
I hope that crackhead George Zimmerman goes
to hell you know?
(they're all 4chan prank callers)
The poor kid's 4 years old
His name is CHAN
Poor kid got cancer last year.
CHAN.
Please excuse my music, it's my brother. (lol)
C H A N
[prayer intensifies]
I just want a quick prayer
for my cousin
CHRISTOPHER POOLE
He recently got diagnosed with kidney cancer (stifling laugh)
(the thread on /b/ picks up steam.)
???
I'm WILL from BEL-AIR.
I was gonna chill and tell you my whole story how I was born and raised in philly or whatever
I'm sorry bout all these callers you're suffering from
As a side note, they do make some software
that um can actually help like filter out
these kinds of calls
But its a little expensive, it costs
OVER 9000 so
OH BOB SAGET
I dropped the phone.
I just wanted to share with you one of my favorite bible verses
Ezekiel 25:17:
"And the Lord said:
I will never give you up
I will never let you down
I will never run around and desert you.
I will never make you cry,
I will never say goodbye,
I will never tell a lie and hurt you."
Im covering the george zimmerman case
I'm not really here for prayer actually, I just had a question about the bible
Timothy 2:12, it says
"I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over men,"
does that mean that my wife
cant just shut the fuck up?
I was hoping that we could have just a small prayer for my niggas on the block (clearly white)
just because they be tryna get that money and
We gota do somethin for um. I mean niggas just tryn a
cappin niggaz
stealin peoples paper (?)
I mean shit's rough on the street
Look listen here bitch nigga
Im just tryna tell you how it is on the street
(unintelligible) in the wheel world
for like suckin bullets n shit (?) im just
tryna say we needa be talkin to our lord bout this
we gotta, we gotta stop bein, you know what im sayin,
like, hurting each other
and fuckin kill the white man!
I was trying to get some fuckin prayer! whats up with that shit?
One of my friends, he's right now in Brazil.
and
he got bit by a Battletoad.
A
Battletoad
Battletoads.
Its a poisonous frog
Or toad. It's a poisonous toad. Battletoads is a serious condition.
Living you know in America
and having friends and
it does, you know-
Battletoads.
It's just very hard.
And
krusty krab! (lol)
My name is Hodar Sarnt
And I need a prayer
I recently had a baby with my wife
And um
The baby came out with an illness
And it might die.
retardation
i mean
i duont know if i should like
get a hammer and like
hit it or something
until it's like smarter, but-
I found out a few weeks ago my gf was pregnant and
its not something we can really handle financially.
the other day, i almost
felt like shoving her down the stairs (greentext reference)
I fell like i know i cant do it, but she was standing
on the stairs with the laundry
basket, and i felt like shoving her down
it's not murder.
just, just uh, bang her up a little and-
i cant imagine what our families would think.
(porn plays loudly in background)
yeah?
baby? uh yeah like that. yeah?
yeah?
(cumming)
yeah baby?
you gonna pop the trunk?
yeah.
(cumming)
Ive been getting these demonic dreams
in my most recent dream
the devil stood over me
and then god came down and they both
started beating me up and
god called me a nigger.
no, but i do live in a heavily Jewish area
does that have something to do with it?
i was just saying that because theyre not christians
maybe that has something to do with it.
and al these toads came out of nowhere
and i had a strong conviction that these toads represented evil.
and the lord spoke to me right there and he told me
i need to go to battle.
i need to battle these toads for jesus.
(prayer intensifies)
Hallelooyah!
Battle those toads for jeesus.
I gotta battle toads.
i gotta battle some toads.
Yeah mhm
Feel so good, yeah
im gonna battle some toads.
Just so you know
every single one of the last people youve been talking to have actually
been prank calling you, just thought you should know.
I can tell you with entire certainty that
that was a prank call
because they have a chat room up for it.
yeah, theyre called 4chan.
it's not for christians, thats for sure.
I've been very scared lately of my own father
i'm pretty sure he's of the homo-sexual race. (lol)
I dont know what 4chan is. I
go on a website called 9gag.
what's a 4chain?
I dont know what do do with my dad.
I think he's a homosexual.
but he just- sometimes he just comes in my room
and hes completely naked and
i see his pe-ness!
(lol)
(knocking)
hold on, that's him right now
yeah dad? no!
no i dont want to suck it
(whine)
My name is GEORGE im from Florida
ive been accused by the state of a foul act.
when the Lord knows I only acted in self defense.
I am a white knight for Jesus.
And i ask that you pray for the jury to see God's wisdom.
My brother, he died a year ago in Afghanistan
(sobbing)
Yeah
yeah, i guess so, it's just
He was raped by a bunch of niggers.
niggers just go AWOL with him (?)
MY name is JESSE, im just calling cuz
my high school chemistry teacher, uh
Mr WALTER WHITE
is dying of cancer
he's asked if I would help with the
production and distributed-
distribuditation
of methamphetamines.
fuck me!
Hello?
hello?
hello?
hello?
ive had a very troubling past month or so
OKAY
(gibberish) it would just hold on
for just a please
just hold on for just a second
okay?
(sadness) i mean, its
its its gettin to a point
where no where, you know, these
SKITTLES just
cant
they just, they just
overtake my life!
i just need some fuckin skittles!!
what- can i-
can i ask you something?
honestly-
i tried to cut my eyes out
and replace them with beer goggles (lol)
My name is Max
it started when
Jesus came into my room when i was about 5 years old-
do you have battletoads?
