Hi, I am Sayali.
I'm sure you've heard of me.
Because it's such a common name!
There were six other girls named 'Sayli'
 in my class.
My parents destroyed any chance of uniqueness
 for me.
Do you know of that book -
 "101 Baby Names"?
My parents didn't feel the need 
to spend even 10 rupees for my future.
Well anyway, I actually wanted to become an actor, 
but here I am, doing stand up.
Because mah life mah rules.
And also because of my face.
I never got casted for a role.
You know how when we take a selfie,
it detects your face in a square?
For me it says- 56, Male.
So I thought, maybe I should do well at least academically.
So I was preparing for the CA exam.
Then I stopped.
You see, the course of CA is essentially made
 for you to quit it.
But yes, for the past two years, 
I've been consistently failing in banking exams.
So, I'm also into adventure sports-
I travel by the local train.
Do you guys know the announcement,
"Swachh Bharat, Swachh rail, Swachh ho parisar apna,
Rashtrapita ke Swachh Bharat ka sakar Kare hum sapna".
First of all, the announcement is so long
that you easily pass 3-4 stations till it's over.
And the man is making such a sincere appeal 
about cleanliness,
and yet the lady in front of you HAS to do exactly
 the opposite and throw her orange peels at your feet.
I have nothing against eating, of course.
Man should eat, man should eat a lot.
There are so many shows to watch - 
which you really shouldn't.
So rather than watching such
shows, it's better any day to just eat.
But when eating, if there is anyone 
who bothers you the most, it's little kids.
They watch you intently and drool.
It's such a wrong thing to do - 
making someone awkward when they're eating.
And if you look to it's mother to question it -
 she's also looking at you and drooling.
These are still the better kids.
You know those kids who start throwing tantrums?
"Mummy, I want that too!"
But then, we consider children, 
so we offer food, don't we?
So I did that once, and what did his mother say?
"No no, you can't eat that, it's ew."
For the remaining part of the journey, 
that child looked at me like I was a mad woman eating
something disgusting.
Anyway, you know the concept of fourth seat, right? 
Oh good, that means no one here travels
by first class.
So yeah, the fourth seat exists and
adapting from Tilak we must claim that 
the fourth seat is our birthright and 
I shall absolutely have it.
And just simply go and sit.
Just go and say, "Sarko". (shift)
But some difficult women, 
when you ask them to shift, 
they'll only shrug their shoulders in pretence!
Move?!
Or some even more extra say,
"How much can I move? 
Should I go out of the train now?"
Just say to them, "Yes. Go.
 I want to sit."
And of course, we all know that 
women hate being called fat.
But here, they'll say it themselves!
"All three of us are so fat, 
how will you get space here!"
Well, just say, "You may be fat in your homes,
I want to sit."
Sit luxuriously.
But the problem in these ladies' train compartments 
is that women listen to nobody.
They will do whatever they want to do.
So my mother - she doesn't look at the cars
 while crossing a road!
She just starts walking!
And makes a 'Halt' gesture with her hand.
It's so ridiculous, I ask her if she's an Avenger.
"Do you think everything on the other side of your hand 
is going to get destroyed?!"
So such are the ladies you encounter.
Also, you know how they say women are soft, 
with immense warmth in their minds?
That is untrue!
Women are extremely heartless!
There are married people here,
I'm sure these words are from experiences -
not mine, theirs.
So you know, women really listen to no one.
Fights and quarrels in the Gents' compartment
and those that happen in the Ladies' compartment,
have a world of difference between them!
In the Gents'compartment, what happens is,
 if there's a fight,
men start saying things like, "Try touching me!"
"You try! Do you think I'm scared?"
And by the time this is done, their station arrives
 and they just go their separate ways.
But what happens in the Ladies'compartment is -
they're directly going to aim for your hair!
There's no escape.
You know, these are those women who have left their houses 
after fighting their husbands and everything,
they're utterly frustrated with their lives.
So just do not get in their way.
And if you show the courage to do that,
then be prepared to have your hair
 separated from your head.
And of course, there is no such thing as discipline!
Even if one has to get off at Virar, 
she will be at the door right from Dadar.
So you know what to do in these situations?
Attack!
Just elbow your way out, no sweat!
Because karma!
Their punishment for their bad karma should be
 delivered to them then and there, by us.
There is no other force acting in nature, okay?
And if anyone has a problem with it, just say,
"These things happen in a crowd? 
Are you traveling for the first time?"
I don't stand at doors like that though.
I move out when the station arrives.
And still this girl once haughtily asked me, "Bandra?"
I said, "No, Sayli."
