

MULTIVERSE FUGITIVE

By Peter M **agycon**

COPYRIGHT © 2015

All rights reserved

Chapter 1

Orbiter Commander

LOG , ORBITER probably about May or June year unknown, Good breakfast, bacon, sausage, eggs, beans, tomato, new sauce, Waybread toast and coffee. CLEO gets all the ingrediants from a machine. FIDO cooks on another and a third machine gobbles up used plates, cups and cutlery.CLEO says I am an alien Prince but I think I am a kidnapped human who has been put up here to keep me out of the way _!_ Main report: the I have put on weight but the fight goes on! The invaders must be defeated! I have send gunships, rockets, tanks, armoured robots and super nukes to all corners of the globe. I cannot join the fight directly because Iwe have no transfer vessel but I can send war materials.The Orbitor is mnch cleaner after FIDO activated a squadron of cleaning bots. They scurried around like mice. The onboard computer has finally come on line and reports that Orbiter has been here for 12,500 earth years! Why so lomg? Why is it here?Why am I here? How did I get here? I have no answers! Why do I have peculiar ears and who sewed them on?Lots of questions nobody to answer except _computer_ CLEO who is obsessed with chess! At the moment sheCL. The computer is busy playing (by remote) in a big tournament in Moldavia,. World Semi Finals! FIDO and me will be train spotting near the corridor which has about 500 metres of the East Coast Main Line running down it. Amazing engineering feat to bring _a part of_ the ECML up here without the _peple_ even knowing it! Another example of alien super high tech. _Beating them will be hard but I am here as a secret agent using their own weapons of them,the bastards!_ have copped nine LNER namers this morning. _I_ am starting to think of FIDO as a friend who alsc wants to get all the namers and "cop the lot.' I found a pack of playing cards under the console..."

It was now quiet on the Orbitor. Jake sat on his collapsible chair at the far end of the East Coast Main Line. FIDO stood next to him. Then an elf suddenly appeared! An elf! Walking straight down the railway.The elf glowed, even through the bright fluorescent lights. He stopped briefly to examine his surroundings. Smoke blackened tunnel walls smelling of coal dust, smoke and steam. Computer CLEO had explained that she had teleported the track up to the Orbitor. Trains were now diverted into the Orbitor but crews and passengers had no idea this happened! Getting an operating section of the ECML onto a satellite was an engineering feat of the first magnitude! Astonishing, even for a modest superstar like CLEO herself."

The elf continued walking towards the two train spotters. Jake was dressed in a blue doublet with ski pants and ornately carved boots. His mop of blondfair hair outlined a freckled face, a pronounced Jakeed nose and a pair of large elvish ears. Ears that were pointed at the top and bottom,definitely not normal ears.. FIDO was standing next to Jake, a golden, metallic figure looking like a bit player from Star Wars. The two train spotters stared at the elf as he came closer. The elf was dressed in a green doublet with long boots and bright red trousers.His huge ears framed a cheerful face with ruddy cheeks.

Where had this elf come from?

Obviously not from war torn Earth...unless he was one of the invaders!

The mysterious invaders! Jake had never actually seen the invaders who were hidden inside giant walkers and massive tanks. They might be insects! They might be colored green, blue, pink or purple. Or t The invaders might well be elves! Invading elves! Invaders who had knocked Jake out, stitched on elvish ears and then putleft him up here in the Orbitor while they took over histhe planet!

But they had forgotten one thing!

The Orbitor was armed!

Forgotten for thousands of years but still armed to the teeth!

Jake could and did fight from Space!

The elf drew near. FIDO appeared to immediately recognize himthe elf: The golden robot spoke: in his broken metallic voice: "Elf Lord Alaric! Welcome aboard! I will prepare tea immediately,"

He rolled away to his private cubby.

Jake sat on his spotting stool thinking. An elf had walked in! Quite possibly an invader! FIDO had recognized the elf .

Did this mean that FIDO was also an invader?

An invader with a deep cover? Jake's allowance of TV (nightly from 6.30 pm to 9.30 pm) had taught him all about spies with deep cover and people like Jame Bond who could shoot you while pussying up to a good looking girl – who was probably also a spy!

Even computer CLEO might be an alien spy, using chess as a deep cover!His friend and spotting partner?

But....the more immediate problem – why wHad this elf arrived on a transport ship? If so, the ship could now be commandeered and used to get down to Earth! But who would supply Earth's Defenders with weapons and consumables if _Jake_ went down to fight? Earth's Forces would have no supply of replacement ammo! No reinforcements!

No Commander to rely on in these desperate days of planetary conflict.

Was this elf actually here?

T to neutraliseneutralize _Jake_? To take out the top gun?

But there was no time to consideration this vital matter. The Orbitor

wwasas nearing the moment in its erratic orbit when Jake could and must act to save Earth!. So Jake simply ignored the newcomer.

He stood u[p, gathered his spotting manuals and walked up the track.

His feet crunched on gravel.

The signals rested. No trains.

He turned onto the main deck with its polished steel floor.

Jake He moved to the console and sat down.

The elf followed him, climbing over the railway to stand next to him.

The elf executed a sweeping bow!

"Elf Prince Jake! Your Imperial Grace! Razor of the Ever Expanding Perimeter!Outer Galaxy! Scion of the Secret Cabal! Stealthy Misanthrope! Command your servant,Alaric of Your Murderous Throng! Why are you here and what can I do?

Jake turned to the elf with an icy stare.

"I am not Prince Jake and you can stop your foolish pretence. We both know who I am! T the Space Commander, the Planetary Defender! Jake snapped. "Numero Uno! "I am not Prince Jake! As you well know I am not an elf! I am not a member of your murderous throng of invaders! I am Copen Jake Hagen, Commander of the Orbiting Defender,cargedam a human being charged to defend my planet against Invaders! You may have kidnapped me and sewn on huge flapping ears! But you cannot change my inner self! I am human!"

He indicated a chair.

"Sit and learn how one human is I am repelling yourt Murderous Throng!"

Alaric sat.

Jake began operating the toggle. The main screen began to flash. A map of planet earth showed red jags of lightening flashing at various parts of the globe, A list scrolled down. Main war areas: Russia,, North America,Scotland, Australia, Antarctica. Position critical Russia, Scotland.

A list of "Available Ordinance " scrolled down screen . Blasters, Ground Annihalators, Armourecd Infantry, Super Cannon (heavy) , Super Cannon (light) Orbiing H Bombers. Each notation was followed by a number indicatingshowing inventory.

"Moscow!" snapped Jake. "Status?"

A red hued picture appeared . It was tiitled "Cossacks Smashed!!"

The screen cleared and showed an open square surrounded by buildings which looked vaguely Asiatic. A title: Red Square, Moscow.A small group of mounted mounted Cossacks soldiers dressed in red pants and blue tops made a hopeless charge against a massive column of strange looking tanks. The tanks fired some kind of energy beam, mowing down riders and horses indiscriminately. Soon the floor of Red Sqare was covered with dead Cossacks.

Jake ground his teeth and bristled angrily.

"Send one squadron of H bombers to Moscow...warn defence to take maximum cover....bomb the bastardsinvaders to hell!"

The Orbitor rocked as a squadron of bombers peeled off. They dived towards the planet. Jake glanced at the receding shapes through a pothole and then turned his attention back to the screen.

Jake: "Scotland!"

A view of what was presumably a Scottish moor now came into view. A lonely bagpiper played "Down In The Glen." The surrounding hills appeared to be on fire. A weird landing craft was advancing towards a line of kilted figures waving swords. The defenders were being chopped down like nine pins from a murderous blast of raw energy.

Jake hit the desk in fury!

.He spat:Jake: "Eight Heavy Blasters to Scotland! Eliminate invading landing craft! Then sSeek out and destroy all landing craft!"

The floor bucked as thre screen showed as succession of spacecraft left were were shown leaving the

Orbitor and divingheading towards the planet below.

A voice intoned: "Ten seconds to black outremain.Critical Problem: east coast USA!

Third tidal wave! Fleet caused by squadron of alien carriers using neutron bombs! American defence fleet decimated! President appeals for your help!"

Jake (furiously): "Dispatch Heavy Rescue units six and eight , New York! Arm plus Kamikaze

Attack Squadron Nine with supernukes! Dispatch East Coast USA and eEliminate alien bomb carriers!""

There was a bright flash on screen as more ships peeled off the orbiting craft and dived towards the distant planet. The whole interior of the Oorbitor sJake as the ships left..

The screen suddenly faded to black.. Jake slumped forward onto the console. "So little time! So much to do! So many dead! My poor planet!"

The elf started. "Your poor planet,Sire? Have we invaded?""

Jake stood up and glared at him:

"Yes! My planet Have you?Are you one of the.... iInvader!s?"

His stood up and hisw hand now rested on the pommel of his sword.

"I am not an invader!Certainly not!" said the elf. "I am Alaric your faithdful leige lord!"

He continuedis hand was now on his own sword pommel.: "Your Majesty! I am stunned by those vids of Scotland. They are total fakes! I was actually in Scotland less than 24 hours ago! I arrived on the Multiverse Express and got off at the first point marked on the Ozro work sheet. A remote Request Stop on a Scottish Moor!. with no Rentry Port.. I found a bleak moor, a tunnel under a rock, a basic dwelling stocked with food and, drink, facilities, And it was unoccupied! nNo sign of any warlike activities, no sigh of your Royal Party! So, I put on my full Bigwig disguise and travelled down the East Coast Main LineAnd n. oNo sign of any war! I travelled on through Engand, reached London, got back onto the Multiverse Express and , travelled to the second dwelling point on the Ozro worksheet., Chirnside Park in Australia. It was uUnoccupied!, still no sign of your party! I rested there overnight. Then I decided to come up on the transfer vessel and see if there was any sign of you up here on the Orbitor. and found the flip ship. I decided to go up to this Orbitor and check. And here I am!"

Jake was gazing narrowly at the elf when the robot came forward with a tray piled with scones and a silver teapot.

"Tea or coffee, Lord Alaric?'

The robot spoke in a grating voice as if his vocal chords needed oiling.

"Tea!" said the elf.

As the robot served there was an explosive pop. The figure of a girl appeared, standing next to Jake.

Her half naked body was covered in tatoos.

"Elf Lord Alaric! How gracious of you to visit this happy household! I am the new USSR Remote Chess Champion, soon to be Remote World Chess Champion! I am the Royal Carer, Computer hologram CLEO!'

"Royal Carer?"

The elf was startled.

His teacup rattled.

Alaric: "Is his majesty ill?"

CLEO: "Lord Alaric, we should discuss his case in private. Please move to Mmy stateroom? over there..." She

She indicated a door.

Alaric walked over and entered a sumptuous stateroom.

The hologramphic girl was now lying on a divan.

Alaric: "Where is your hardware?"

CLEO: "I am connected to the Orbitor onboard computer via the desk.The onboard computer is now working again after a long period of neglect!"

The hologram pointed to a desk at the far end of the room."

Alaric: "What is His Majesties illness?"

CLEO: "He is suffering from split personality. He believes he is an earthman who has been kidnapped by aliens and given Elvish ears! As part of his treatment I have constructed a 4 D vid of earth under attack by aliens! He is the Earth Defender! By the way, I won the silver turnip as the Most Talented Remote Chess Newcomer of the Year! Next step is the world championship! Do you like this hologram?"

The elf stared at the tattooed figure.

Alaric: "I sat with the Prince and saw a vid! Ssections of the planet under violent attack! Places I have recently visited, perfectly peaceful places! Now I find the Prince thinks the planet is being invaded by aliens! Elvish aliens! He apparently launched several ships from this portal....what is going on?"

CLEO: "I compiled a clever program to assist his treatment! A I have programmed a video planetary war with full sensories. When the fake

war ships take off with supplies this Orbitorship actually shudders! Full sensory realism! The Orbitor computer takes care of that! Between war activites the Prince train spots in the corridor. These activities keep him busy while I am busy playing chess. I have made sure he stays fit. He also has a daily swordfight with the robot, --and for ongoing mental capability he has learned to drive a steam train! He eats really, really well! I have a Cordon Black cooking program. And..." the hologram paused as if about to give tremendous news: " I hope you will stay for lunch? I will shortly become Earththis planets Chess Champion. Would you care for a quick game right now?

A holographic chess board appeared with pieces in place.

CLEO: "Please make your opening move! All practice is beneficial! "

Alaric (ignoring the chess board) "Why is the entry deck covered in gravel and a pair of railway lines?"

CLEO "To assist with trainspotting. To add realism!FIDO is also keen on spotting. My railway display is an ultra hologram of marvellous ingenuity! I have a compete file of all steam namers as per 1952! My creation is

more than just brtilliant! It is titanilly stupendously !!"marvellous!"

Alaric: "The Prince must get back to Multiverse Central for urgent treatment right now! There is no tiome to waste."

CLEO: "But I must win the World Champs first! Then I can accelerate histhe program, increase the

flow of namers, kill off the aliens, exhaust the inventory of weapons and

tell him he needs to go to Multiverse Central to cop\the rarest namers!"

I must compete in the chess finals. Surely that ismust be the main issue?"

Alaric: "The main issue? The main issue!!! A trip over most of Universe Zero to make a computer the world chess champion of a savage world! The

While the Prince is obviously off his rocker! There is no feasible reason

tTo delay!"

CLEO:"But...but..."

Alaric: "Silence!"

His face was now suddenly suffused to a mottled red.

He moved to the door and shouted a savage: "FIDO!"

The robot appeared.

Alaric: "Remove the computers drive from the console and give the unit to me. I will carry it. Pick up Prince Jake and carry him to the docking bay! We must return to Multiverse Central for urgent shock treatment!"

The robot immediately moved over to the console

The figure of CLEO was wringing her holograppic hands in anguish.

"But Lord Alaric! The finals will be held soon! Why...."

The hologram vanished as FIDO jerked the entire console from its footing. There was a sudden blinding flash and a massive boom. Smoke gushed out of the console which now lay in parts. The robot picked out a small module and gave it to the elf.

The robot followed the elf onto the main deck.

Jake was still at his console completing an addendum to his Captains log.."A strange elf is aboard...there has been an explosion and I suspect his to be a saboteur... intent on destroying the ships armaments and...'

All the lights failed and the console went dead. The area where the "railway" had been was now the metal floor of a tunnel. Rails, signals and even gravel had vanished..

With the power failingm Jake had jumped up and rushed to the door housing CLEO,FIDO and the elf. He appeared and

He waved his sword at the elf. "Where is the ECML What have you done!" he yelled. "Damned alien spy! Stealing the main line!"

He advanced on the elf.

"I"ll fix you, invader!"

"Disarm the Prince, FIDO," said the elf calmly.

The robot moved in a blur of motion.

Jake lost his sword immediately.

Itt vanished into the robots body.

FIDOThe robot picked him up bodily.

"Hey! Put me down!" shouted Jake furiously. "I am Earth's Defender! " He glared at Alaric from his upside down position. "OK.we'll settle this! Single combat! Winner gets the planet, Invaders all committ harry carry! Lloser getsgets...." He was trying to think what the loser would get as the elf led the partym down the corridor.

Spluttering threats, Jake was carried bodily by FIDO. They proceeded

down a long,metal passage. Jake was shouting and cursing, kicking his legs fruitlessly. The robot followed the elf who climbed a short set of steps at the end of the corridor. Followed by FIDO carrying the struggling Jake by his belt, the They climbed up a short staircase elf walked into a fat circular shaped craft parked in a docking bay.

Jake was dumped into a seat. A strap shot up around him automatically. He was now effectively trussed. FIDO sat next to him.

The elf sat at a control panel and said: "Fiften ten alpha nine twenty."

The entry door closed. A section of the roof above the ship peeled open.

They lifted silently into space.

Earth floated below them, a large blue disc etched against the starry waste.
..."

........... Chapter 2

First Contact

Col Phillip Viljoen stood watching the men of the ANZUS UFO Division as they painstakingly used magnifying glasses to study the surface of the first hole of the Chirnside Park golf course. The fairway slopes down past the backyards of several houses on Kingswood Drive. Behind it there was a small lake fringed with trees marked with the scars of countless misshit golf balls.

The occupant of No 54, Kingswood Drive was an old lady with grey hair, She had a suprisngly upright carriage and a defiant expression. She was standing next to the colonel. They were facing the fairway. The Colonel had just spoken on his mobile phone, apparently expressing some concern for her sanity. He had used the term: total nutcase. She had overheard and now bristled: ""I still have all my marbles, Colonel," she said. "That big hole may have somehow vanished but it was right there!" She pointed to an area directly opposite. "Right there! It was just where those men are searching. The flying thing went straight up. No sound at all! Just straight up and then the hole vanished!"

She turned to face the house where a small dog was pawing at the base of an oak tree growing inside the garden.

"Bertie! Leave that tree alone!"

The dog continued to attack the tree, contantly whining.

The colonel was brooding on what appeared to be a total waste of military resource. This old lady had phoned to report a strange object r taking off from the golf course at the bottom of her garden. She had reported a large depression which it came from. With his remit to "investigate all sightings" the colonel had brought a full crew. But so far the trip was a wipe out. The golf course showed no sign of alien activity. In short,

another wasted trip. The Colonel was about to send the whole team back to base when Sergeant Button reported an echo indicating a structure directly below!

Sgt Button: "It appears to be about 100 metres by 80 metres at a depth of 50 metres, sir! Three areas, probably rooms, a large cicular area under the golf course and a tunnel going due east...I'll call the ground inspection team in and we'll do a full doppler. Do you want the heavy excavation squad called in,sir? "

It was the Eufeka koment for the UFO Division,

"Yes!" said the colonel joyouslyhappily. "A real contact at last! Get heavy ex them in, slap a D notice on this house and the golf course! Get a full armed squad tround the perimeter, keep the neighbours out! And inform R & D...tell them to get all their stuff down here immediately. And inform Publicity R,,,,"

The sergeant whistled and waved the men on the course in.

The dog continued to paw frantically at the oak tree base.

"That dog seems to have scented something in the tree," said Sgt Button.

"May be the aliens have a tunnel up to ground level?"

"He hides old bones under there," said the home owner. "He's probably trying to dig one up... "

Col Viljoen's cellphone suddenly played a few bars of Walzing Matilda and he answered it.

"Viljoen!"

"Control here! Report on the Chirnside Park alert! You have ordered a Category Zero! Is it thea Jackpot? Finally? What's happening!"

"Sir, brilliant news....contact radar have found...."

At that moment the colonels phone cut off and a giant hole began to appear on the fairway directly opposite. The grass surface appeared to slowly fade as a massive aperture began to appeare. It seemed to expand from the centre, rippling out in ever increasing lateral segments until it stretched across the entire fairway.

Apart from thea keening wind there was no sound.

Col Barry , the soldiers and the home owner stood gaping at this astonishing vision. The dog took one look, yelped

hysterically and then disappeared in the general direction of Lilydale.

A large silver disc hadnow appeared overhead, descending vertically. There was no sound. The disc appeared to be about 50 metres radiusacross.. It entered the hole smoothly, almost like a descending elevator. Within a few seconds both disc and hole had vanished. The cropped green surface of the golf course first appeared at what had been the centre of the hole. The centre segment then seemed to expand outwards.

Inside the crater, the planetary landing craft settled onto four landing pods. A and a door opened on one side. Jake was carried out by FIDO. Alaric followed carrying CLEO. The computer had now activated some kind of bult in voice circuit and was complaining continuously and bitterly. They entered a short tunnel which lead into a rough cave. It had been cut from base rock. As the party entered lights flashed on. Jake could now see a small camp bed, two chairs and a TV set.The wall facing HJake showed a large display Ntitled Habitation no 2. It indicated one large bedrroom/sitting room, a toilet and a cooking area .

In addition the dispay showed a tunnel marked "Surface Exit.".

FIDO released Jake, who sat on the bed studying his surroundings. He was still holding the pack of cards which he had found in the Orbitor. Alaric had put CLEO's hardware onto a shelf and ordered the computer to stop blathering. He ordered FIDO to make coffee.

Alaric then sat studying a hand held device.

"May I take a leak!" said Jake casually.

He indicated the wall display. "Down the corridor, first left,OK?"

"Certainly your Highness! I am checking to find the nearest Multiverse Express station and we wll leave as soon as we have had refreshments."

Alaric was preoccupied as Jake left the room and walked down the corridor. It seemed to be carved from solid rock, like the rooms of the "habitation pod." His footsteps rang inside the narrow corridor as he reached a junction. Instead of turning left to the toilet area, Jake turned right and opened a door with a horizontal bar. He started climbing a series of wet, stone steps. The staircase was covered with greasy mud... Despite hours of sword fighting, Jake was not in very good shape. Months in the Orbitor had affected hizs fitness, The stairs seemed to be endless. When he reached the top stair he was puffing heavily. He found himself inside a kind of earthern cavern,surrounded by the root system of an oak tree. It was dripping wet,cold and muddy.

He was now facing a second door. A red bar annnounced some kind of warning , this time in Elvish. Jake ignored the message and lifted the bar. Immediately an alarm started blaring far below. Jake pushed the door open and faced a line of four soldiers who were busy with some kind of mine sweeping equipment.

The four soldiers froze, staring at Jake in astonishment.

Jake had intended to speak, announcing his role as Earth Defender and offering to join Earth against the invading aliens. In the actual event he could not think of anything to say. He stood there with his mouth open and his ears sticking out . He waved his pack of cards and one card slipped from his hand,fluttering to the ground.

The officer had now drawn a pistol and was moving sideways to get a clear shot. Jake was desperately trying to decide what to say in order to prove his humanity. His massive elf ears must be giving the soldiers a false signal...but what convincing message could he give? That he had been kidnapped operated on and given elf ears...

He finallly decided to speak and said:

"I am the Orbitor Commander and..."

The soldiers stood irresolute whie the officer continued to sidle sideways inch by inch. This tableaux seemed to be frozen when FIDO suddenly arrived, pounding up the steps from the underground building. The robot pushed Jake aside and aimed some kind of pistol at the four soldiers. A cone of golden energy seem to erupt ftom the device It surrounded the soldiers in a kind of glittering golden framework. The four men appeared to go rigid and then waver like images in a heaving sea. The area surroundiing them appeared to become one dimensional. It now looked like a painting which someone had left in the garden. The soldiers were now stretched insideover the surface like mirror images, strange one dimensional figures inside a golden frame.

Now the robot ceased firing, grabbed Jake, slammed the door closed and ran down the staircase at high speed carrying Jake under one arm. His arm was incredibly powerful so that Jake had no chance to escape. The robot slammed the bottom door shut and Jake was ultimately dumped on a bed in the room he had just left.

Above the pod Col McInnes was phoning National Security. He had examined the stricken troopers. The three men were frozen inside what appeared to be a massive pink energy slab, standing on the edge of the lawn. Troopers were attacked the pod with hammers and wooden staves. They made not impression on the enigmatic object. Other troopers were hammering on the oak tree in the area where the alien had appeared. Col McInnes spoke into his phone "Special situation Red Zero Zero! Continuous air cover, mortars, secure the entire area of Chirnside Park...

Send heavy lifting equipment....Alien has droppped some kind of card. May be a disease carrier. It is now inside a plastic Zola (safety tube. for R D.) The alien said he was the Orbitor Commander and then probably ordered the robot to open fire!"

In the pod "Pardon, me, Highness. I am activating the repeller screens to ensure our safety and keep the pod inviolate." AlaricHe was fiddling with some kind of disc. He spoke briefly to the robot. "FIDO! Use handcuffs to restrain Prince Jake. Store the destabilizer. Then, rReturn to your duties, Ccoffee for two." Jake was handcuffed to the bedhead with a small cube which seem to emit a beam of light. The robot then put the gun into his right leg cavity and returned to the kitchen. Jake lay back on the bed fuming. He should have had a plan! He should have a prepared speech. "We are now secure!"

Alaric announced . "I have activated theAa neutron barrier. Your Highness! If you will give me your solemn promise not to try and escape from this pod I will release you. "

Jake agreed since there was now no chance of getting out. He must wait for a new opportunity and make sure he didn't mess it up again. Alaric pointed another cube and the handcuffs appeared to fly into the cube. "I assume you wanted to parlay with the barbarians! But there is no point in offering them them membership of the ELF (Elvish Liberated Foundation.) . They are savages and this place is too distant to join the 42 Subject Planets! These local savages are not fortunate enough to be fostered by the Elvish Master Race! us!"

He suddenly jerked upright and shouted:

"The fist of steel! The arm of Might!

Obey the Elves or die tonight!"

His massive ears had gone a bright red and his whole body sJake.

In the next second he recovered and sat on the bed next to Jake..

FIDO arrived with a tray of coffee cups.

"Attention!" a thin piping voice came from a metal block which Alaric had placed on a shelf. "Computer CLEO reportiug. There is an escape tunnel going north for approximately 50 km and terminating at Yea Railway station. The primary escape vehicle is in stasis at Yea."

"But where are the Ozro workers?" said Alaric. "Why have they excavated two habitation pods? And why was the transit ship not

stored at the satellite?

His face and neck again suffused to a bright red and he stamped his foot.

Damned Ozro rubbish!"

He suddenly erupted again: "Kill for the Love of Killing!"

Jake sat on the bed wondering if he had any hope of escape from what appeared to be a totally mad elf..

He drank his coffee nervously as Alaric paced up and down the small room, seemingly bursting with energy, glowing like a neon sign.

"We will take the tunnel north to the escaper vehicle," he said suddenly.

CLEO suddenly spoke again. "I have retrieved a vehicle from Yea," said the computer, "It is awaiting your use in the Dispatch Room. However, I caution against use of the vehicle at speed. I suggest 7kph in order to reduce the evidence of our passage and keep the Earthmen from learning that we have left!

Alaric smashed his cup onto the stone cloor of the babitation pod.

His face and his massive ears were again mottled pink.

"7 kph? Ridiculously slow!" he shouted angrily. "We must go at full speed!" Again he immediately calmed down and said: "In any case how will the savages know we have left?"

"Savages?" said the computer in her reedy voice. "They are definitely not savages! The soldiers were using ground penetrating radar before FIDO put them into a stasis box on your orders! The soldiers are in stasis and the humans are absolutely certain we are here! And if you look at the TV showing the air space above you will see gyro machines (helicopters) flying over this area and large diameter mortars being sited on the golf course. The best course is to proceed stealthily at 7kph..."

Alaric looked at Jake. "A decision is required Your Majesty? Should we proceed at a ridiculously slow speed? Or should we press on at top speed like the conquers we are?"

His neck and face again went mottled pink and he shouted:

"Elves are Conquerers! Stand aside Primitives!"

Jake reviewed his options. On the space station he had no chance to escape. There was no chance down here with the staircase blocked and the doors now locked. On the other hand, while he was travelling he might get a new opportunity to escape. And if they were tracked by choppers the army would be waiting at the end of the tunnel and he could explain his problem and ask for an operation to get rid of his ears. Fifty kilometers at 7kph would take 7 hours. Much too long!"

Jake. "I say full speed ahead!"

"His Majesty has decided!" said Alaric.

He looked briefly at the diagram and then grabbed hold of CLEO's box

before leading the way He led them through a door where an open rail car sat on a monorail line.

They climbed onto a monorail car and sped off down a long tunnel

Directly above in a circling helicopter the observer was studying his screen. He saw a bright blob moving rapidly down a dim line which marked the alien tunnel. He reported to Colonel McInnes.

"Smething moving fast in the tunnel, Colonel!"

"Stay on it!"

"Now under Healesville, speed approximately 150 kph!"

"Roger,stay on it,report every 30 seconds."

The dot representing the alien train continued to move rapidly

north east. under Dividing range, parallel to main road.."

"Roger that!'

The Colonel was studying a large scale map. He followed the road with one finger. He reached a decision. "Operator! Contact Mobile 9! They are to head to Yea station fast as possible! Use ground radar to intercept aliens travelling in tunnel. Authorize lethal force!"

The alien vehicle slowed and finally stopped outside a rwailway coach which seemed to be floating in a kind of peculiar mist. There were lights inside the carriage and Jake could see three figures through what appeared to be a blue fog.

Alaric jumped up onto a step leading to the carriage door. He was again red faced and shakingappeared to be inchoate with rage. He now vibrated, shaking with absolute fury. "Ozro dwarves!" he spat. "The worst kind of labour! AThe working party who failed to report for a new assignment! They are AWOL! P and the penalty is...death!"

He was now brandishing a pistol in one hand and the CLEO's computer module in the other.

He rushed to the carriage door and pulled it open .\

He stepped inside, brandishing the pistol and yelling furiously: "AWOL! Ozro dwarves die now!"

Two of the dwarves were sitting smoking ornate pipes.

Moving as one, they both leapt up and flung the pipes at Alaric. Both pipes hit dead centre of his mottled forehead. The elf dropped like a stone and lay spread out comatose..

The third dwarf was still sitting. He clapped loudly.

"Little Sam says damn good shooting, Stumpy and Grumpy," he chortled. "What shall we do with this representative of the Master Race?" Then hHee suddenly glimpsed the golden figure of FIDO. The robot had fastened Jake to his seat and was now standing in the carriage doorway.

"Oops!" said Little Sam, "Watch out for the robo!"

The two other dwarves had now produced knives. The knives were thrown simultaneously and forefully down the carriage. Each knife clanged as it impacted on the robots golden metallic body. But apart from the ringing sound there was no obvious effect. Inredibly, the The robot had caught the knives! He and now showed them to the dwarves.

He spoke: "Renegades! Justice will now be served with your own knivesfe!"

The dwarves were nowall babbling: "Spare us, spare us!"

CLEO piped up from her position in the recumbent elf's hand. "FIDO! Remember the First Law! Thou shalt not kill a human being!"

FIDO: "But they are not human beings! They are Ozro dwarves of no consequence! Fornicators! Scum! Half grown baggage! Eliminate!"

The robot was now shouting like a metal version of Alaric.

"But they may be needed," said CLEO.

"Yes!" shouted Little Sam, "Yes,yes! We may b3e needed! We willwill be needed. We know how to turn on the heating element to raise steam."

"And we know how to get out of this grey fog so you can go somewhere!' shouted Stumpmy.

"And we can clean and water the engine and help in many ways! Many, many ways! Spare us!" said Grumpy. "Spare us! Merciful golden supeer robbo! Spare these three humble dwarves!"

Suddenly Alaric sat up. .

He took in the situation at a glance.

"Damn good shooting, boys!" he said warmly. "Youpou must try out for the Royal Archery Squad. I will mention it to Prince Jake once he is himself again.....'

"There is nothing in the station." Colonel McInnes radio crackled as he received a message from the chopper. "The signal has stopped. Theyu appear to be under the station but nothing has shown on the surface. appeared." The colonel then decided that ground covercontact was vital. The aliens might appear from their tunnel at any time. They could not stay in the tunnel indefinitely. He ordered an armoiured car to move to Yea station and take up a watching position. The helicopeter was to wait until the ground car appeared and then return to Melbourne. After a few minutes the radio crackled: Armoured car now in sight! Returning to base."

**Jake** had now been released and was inside the carriage. One of the dwarves produced a tool and pthe ressed a button. There was a peculiar jerk and the carriage suddenly shifted into "normal" 3 D reality. There was a loud pop. The and the train was noappearedw standing at the up platform in in Yea station.

A secong dwarf used a nother alien tool was used to activate a nuclear the alien heater installed in the locomotive firebox..

The third dwarf had retrieved the two pipes and was now busy cleaning them out.

FIDO now unreeled a map and hung it from the ceiling. It showed an area of countryside with a barred railway line along the left hand side. The golden robot now pointed at one spot on the map.

It glowed with a red blinking light.

"This is the spot on the railway where we are now," said computer CLEO. Her thin, piping, prissy voice came from a metal box now on the luggage rack."This is our current position. But there is a problem."

"Inform Houston immediately," said Jake. "Houston, we have a problem! We have captured an earthboy, planted alien ears and made him forget who he is!"

Alaric: "Prince Jake! You are not an earth boy! You are elf Prince Jake who has been kidnapped by enemies of the Outer Empire and left to rot on this barbarian planet."

CLEO: "Barbarian planet? Ridiculous! Their chess players are incredible! Last night I only just managed to mate a Grand Master who left me on the verge of total collapse!

Alaric: "But you are a mere computer! Any organic being from Central Powers could beat you at any game!"

CLEO: "Oh yeah? Let's play now,bigshot! I will open with the same five move attack I used last night! It caused mass hysteria in Moscow!"

Alaric: "We haven't got time! FIDO! Carry on!"

FIDO pointed to an area of the map,circling one metallic finger. The golden robot seemed to glow in the light of the overhead lamps. Now Aan area of red light flickered along one side of a barred map line marked Railway.

CLEO: "The red light marks a Positively Enchanted Area or PEA. It is controlled by an ex railway steam engine driver turned trainee wizard . The use of high tech equipment is causing inexplicable events which can be term magical. The trainee wizard. He visited this coach and traded advanced escape supplies for tobacco for the high tech equipment!"

"What!" Alaric shouted, "Central Power escape equipment traded from this carriage? This is an Imperial vehicle! Equipment is not to be traded! What halfwit wo coould offer our equipment for sale to some passing human halfwit?"

CLEO: "Ask our dwarvishf h halfwits how they got 60 bales of baccy?"

"Well?" said Alaric, speaking to the blue Ozro dwarves.

"How did you get the baccy?"

His hand was again on the hilt of his sword.

Grumpy answered: "Oh Majestic Ruler! Oh Esteemed Superstar! We threeWe three halfwits swopped useless some junk in the luggage compartment for highly useful baccy. We followed the golden rule: Be nice to the resident races! And he was a very nice resident racefellow, very nice conical hat, stars on his robe, very good staff, very obliging fellow. He mMust have been some kind of tobaco rep. Fifty bales of Minty Ho Ho strong black for a few bits of old junk!""

"Old junk!" said Alaric bitterly. "Central Power High Tech Escape Equipment! Irreplaceable! " Then he brightened: "But unless the thief can read Elvish he won't know how to use the gear! He is a stupid Earthman. According to the Manual, they are unlettered barbarians!"

"The Multiverse Manual is more than 25,500 earth years out of date,' piped CLEO. "It was compiled after the long range mappingexploration phase of Universe Zero. Since trhat time, t of 5.700 B.C., local time.The Earthmen have been getting much, much, smarter! Theis interloper may have learned Elvish. Running E Mails backwards reveals the Central Power Translator. Using it, the thief could get instructions on the use of our escape equipment.According to my inventory of Cached Escape Materials he appears to have acquired two very powerful devices – a hypno source generator capable of instant trance induction and a large scale matter duplicator with the ability to make pseudo forms. He probably also has a Weather Control Rod and several small items with devious uses. He is almost certainly using them and is responsible for the suspect area! The use of such high tech will make him appear to have magical powers!""

There was a prolonged silence .

Alaric studied the map. "This shows our location as Yea," he said. "How did we get to Yea from Chirnside?

"You used our pseudo tunnel which is about 50 k as the crow flies," said Little Sam. "We used a Zaser to go under the mountain between Dixons Creek and Kinglake, en route to Yea station. At full power it took 38 minutes. The Zaser has no charge left...we should be on report for wasting energy....but as we are now helping you bigwigs to escape we drilled a pseudo tunnel to help you. the Masters of Central Power ."

There was a long silence as this further news was digested.

Jake moved to the door and looked out.They were standing in a station next to an open entrance which opened onto a square. Behind the entrance he could see an open square with shops and houses behind.

He felt a blast of chilly air. .

It was full daylight.

He stood ready to step out.

"Stop!" said Alaric. "Your Elfness is not to leave the carriage as you might get confused. In any event, we cannot just parkstay here exposed to barbarian attack! I must use an Invalidity Inaudibility device to cloak our presence."

He produced an object which looked like a torch and pressed a switch. Immediately, the atmosphere became almost black.

All light and sound stopped.

What did not stop were Jake's thoughts. He was standing at an open door! A chance to escape and help Earth!c He immediately jumped straight at the wall of darkness! He landed on the platform which was bathed in bright sunlight. At the same moment an eight wheeled armoured car appeared at the entrance to the station. It and screeched to a stop facing the railway. Inside the car, the commander looked out from a viewing slot and yelled into his microphone.

"UFO Mobile One at Yea station! An alien has appeared out of nowhere! Definite sighting of an alien! He is running towards us! He is armed! Carrying a sword! Huge ears! Laser on! Warming!"

The three dwarves now appeared, running out of a strange shadow which covered the invisible train. They were shouting: "Freedom fer the Blue Lads! Damn the Outers! Nuke Elf Base now!"

Vehicle Commander: "Three blue dwarves have appeared....... all running towards us...They may be chasing the first alien...Laser ready in Laser ready in 10 seconds......"

Jake had now arrived at the car.

He was panting.

He tried to smile at the astonished face staring at him through a slit in the armored car. Jake had planned to say "I am Jake! I have been kidnapped by aliens!!" Instead, he decided that his first action must be to clear the air. warn his human friends. He shouted: "Watch out for aliens!There is an invisible train standing in the platform. It's aliens! They have a thing to make the train invisible!" They are in an invisible train!""

The three dwarves then arrived and shouted:

"Freedom! Damn the slavers!! Free the Blue Laddies now!

Vehicle Commander: "Four aliens now standing in front of the vehicle. An elf dressed in period costume with a sword. Huge ears! Says there are aliens on an invisible train! He hHas now been joined by three blue dwarves. They are talking gibberish! LI intend to stun the lot of them...laser in 5 seconds.."

The turret swung around and a long gun swung downwards to point at Jake..A red dot appeared on his chest.

Jake looked down at the glowing mark.

He shouted: "No! No! No! Don't shoot me! I am a friend!I am the Space Commander!""

He drew his sword and bashed it against the laser barrel.

He intended to simply reinforce his message.

Unfortunately,the sword did not understand that intention at all.

It instantly spurted a lateral column of rippling fire.

A vivid flash rapidly expanded to surround the vehicle with a strange, purple flame. The laser gun immediately melted. The barrel drooped.

Jake and the dwarves leapt backwards away from the fiery flaming car. A voice spoke inside the car.

"Mobile One! This is Control! Report immediately! This in Control!""

There was no reply.

The steam train suddenly reappeared, apparently materializing from thin air. .FIDO burst out from the carriage and ranadvanced towards the armored car. It , which was now sparkling with an intense incandescence. The whole interior of the station was now reflecteding athis vivid purple light.

Jake and the dwarves stood frozen with shock.

The robot scooped Jake under one arm. He took the sword and parked it somewhere inside his metal torso. Finally, he grabbed the three dwarves,sliding one finger under each dwarvish belt until he had them all hanging like fish. He dashed back to the locomotive, dumped Jake onto the steel steps leading up to the cab and then took the dwarves through the open door of the carriage.

Inside the locomotive, Alaric was sitting on a polished steel seat holding a small metal device. He was eating an apple. He suddenly spoke. "Well, your Royal Elfness, you are now definitely and certainly on the run! The human army will be after you for destroying one of their jeeps and killing the crew! The crew of that unfortunate vehicle knew, as I know, that you are an alien! But they didid not know that are a royal alien who now delusionally believes he is a kidnapped human being!"

Jake; "I am not an alien. I am a kidnapped human being!"

Alaric: "You are a royal elf who needs the treatment thar can only be provided at Central Power. However, the computer has located an alternative Gateway and we have this excellent train. She is headed by the steam engine Spitfire. And I understand that you are a passed driver?"

He threw the apple cog out through the open window. It rolled onto the platform in front of the army vehicle with its drooping gun and peculiar brilliant, sparkling purple aura. Jake climbed up to the cab and sat on the drivers seat, opposite Alaric. He tried to understand recent events. Surely the army would not be taken in by his grafted ears? But they had they believed hime was an alien! No! They were correct about the blue dwarves. They were aHis liens! But his own human army had been about to fire a laser at him!!

He had been bashing with the sword to make them understand his message! He had no idea the sword was some kind of Star Wars super weapon! It had stopped them firing all right! It had destroyed the car and probably killed the crew! And the sword would not be blamed! He would be blamed! He would be on the Most Wanted List for multiple murder, damaging military property damage and destroying a government laser!

He decided to tackle the elf head on about matters.

"Why are you invading this planet?" he asked.

"We are not invading this planet," said Alaric. It's too far away!. The computer made up a vid about a make war. It was to keep you occupied while she played chess!"

"Why did you cut the link and destroy the main line?"

"There was no main line! It was a hologram created by CLEO. Same reason. To keep your Higness busy while she achieved here potty Youra namers were all fakes! There is no regular steam on the main line! It's all electric and deseil! The computer simply wanted to keep you occupied which she achieved her ambition to become world chess champion."

Jake chewed on this.

It had the ring of truth.

CLEO was obsessed with chess. She talked constantly about her own brilliance. And...if he did hand himself over he would be shot for killing a load of soldiers!

WWho would believe his story about being kidnapping by aliens?

His only option now was to run!

To pretend he was now a friend of the aliens!

He made a decision.

"How did we get this train?" said Jake. "And what is this engine named? It is my first real namer. All my other namers were CLEO fakes!"

Alaric: "Her name is Spitfire. She is an ex-LNER B1. She is here as the direct result of a WW 2 bomb blast which occurred thousands of miles away in England, a country on the other side of this planet! The English were at war with Germany. The Germans bombed a railway shunting yard. It was generally believed that this engine and coach were destroyed by a direct hit. In fact they were forced into another dimension! They were instantly shifted here. After some years in stasisthis remote siding, the engine was rusty and in need of repairs. The dwarves FIDO used working drawings taken from the human Internet. They have He worked every night for months! The only change from normal firing is a special nuclear heating unit. It is inside the fire grate and it has already been activated. We are ready to rumble!"

A red glow from the fire grate began to illuminate the engine cab.

"How do you know all this?"asked Jake. "How do you know FIDO rebuilt a train which was hit by a bomb! How do you know it came via a wierd dimension?"

"The facts are all recorded on the etheric prototype which surrounds this train," said the elf. "If your own senses were not so badly damaged, Sire, you would be able to see such details yourself."

"Good answer!" said Jake. "Bulldust! What's FIDO doing now?"

Alaric: "He is currently sitting on a rear buffer, waiting. He has two dispensers of a special instant rusting Shivver liquid. He will spray the rails to erase our tracks and confuse pursuit. " said Alaric."FIDO has set the nuclear heating element to generate steamthe temperature believed to have been preferred by top link drivers.. It will obtain maximum performance from this engine. While you were destroying and armoured car, FIDO was also busy.To confuse pursuit, FIDO moved at ultra high speed to Lilydale station. 50 k in 3 minutes! He went by road since the human Army have the former prison surrounded and the tunnel was deemed risky. Due to his use of Ultra High Speed, tarmac melted at several points! A regrettable side issue! FIDO put two lifelike inflatable dummies on the last carriage of the 7.09 Flinders Street, Limited Expresso. He secured the door locks .He returned in 4 minutes, slower as it is mostly uphill! Are you ready?"

"Of course!" said Jake. "We may as well be off!"

Alaric pressed a button on the metal device in his hand. The black cloud reappeared around the train. Jake could now see only his immediate surroundings, dimly.

Alaric stuck up his thumb and then waved it forwards.

With a clear memory of his lessons, Jake released the brake and pushed forward the regulator. He felt the engine begin to move. It would undoubtedly be chuff! chuff! chuffing! but there was no sound inside the black aura produced by the I/I device. The train gradually began to gain speed. The track under the invisible train vanished momentarily as the train passed, making a strange mobile shadow. The only other physical result of their passage came from the rails behind. They suddenly acquired a silver sheen as the invisible train passed over, instantly removing decades of deeply etched rust. The sheen was instantly removed as FIDO sprayed liquid over each rail.

At the first a junction they turned right. Soon they were traveling over a new set of rusted rails. The track was, overgrown with numerous plants and even small trees which had forced a way up between the sleepers. FIDO had now emptied his pail of rust producer and the robot sat staring at the disused permanent way as it unrolled behind the train.. Spitfire balefully squirted steam, oil and hot water on the encroaching undergrowth in an attempt to restore railroad authority. Still cloaked with its I/I shield the train then ran silently across a short viaduct. A lake glistened below, rippling. Ducks swam around idly dozing, unaware of the invisible train which swept silently past on the old railway line above.

On board the engine, Alaric pointed to the Invisibility Inaudibility device in his hand. "Need to conserve power!" he mouthed. He pushed the button to the off position. Instantly the black cloak lifted. The cab was filled with a massive roar and the steady hissing of escaping steam. The sudden appearance of the train scared the ducks into a wild panic.

Jake was beginning to really enjoy himself. This was far better than driving simulators. In the sims he had been obliged to obey numerous signals and signs to either gain or lose points. He had needed to worry about points being set the right way, maintaining the correct speed according to signs placed alongside the video track, etc. His learning experiences had been closely supervised by ratty Computer Prison Warder CLEO. But here he had only a track of rusted rails along with the shrieking wind, the smell of hot oil and steam and the roaring grind of powerful driving wheels. There were no signals and best of all there was no bossy, fussy computer overseer to constantly tell him off!

He had a powerful real steam engine under his personal control!

In a burst of sudden exhilaration, he pushed the regulator fully forward. The engine responded with a rush of steam. The wheels began to slip as the engine attempted to charge forward into the black night. "Turn back the regulator,Sire!" yelled Alaric. "Proceed slowly, with caution! We may have to must stop very soon when we come to another junction. I only have a very approximate idea of where it is!"

"Where is it approximately?" shouted Jake.

"4 miles from Yea!"

Alaric's reply was almost erased by the roar of steam and the screech of wheels.

"There's a sign!" yelled Jake. "I chain to the junction!"

Alaric suddenly yelled: "Slow down and put the brake on!"

Jake reached up, twisted the regulator and applied the brake with all his strength. With a clamorous screech and a huge blast of steam the train shuddered to a halt. Ahead they could see a set of points and a junction with another line.

Alaric produced a cell phone and pressed a button:

"FIDO! Set the points."

However, the robot did not immediately appear.

Instead, a carriage window opened and Stumpy looked out angrily. "The driver is a maniac!" he shouted. "Drive more carefully!"

Alaric looked out of the side window and the dwarf saw him;

"Your Excellency! What a...a...lovely surprise!" the dwarf babbled. "Oh Esteemed One! We tried to stop that loony driver escaping custody! We rans after him but hes got away! Hes tried to get us arrested by the sojers! Us loyal workers! Then he killed the sojers with his magic sword! We could not do anyfink! We tries, how we tries! Because we are all super loyal, Esteemed One! Super, super, loyal Ozro workers! We wasere at Yea because we was just taking a short Breaks! Because we woz worn out!! We want to go back to work! We Ozro's love working!"

His head vanished and the window slammed up.

FIDO emerged from the rear coach buffers

The robot was equipped with another set of feet which appeared to be quite suited to the wet gravel surface. He walked forward to the junction and inspected the points. One finger squirted oil at a point below the junction rails. Finally Thethe lever fulcrum and the connecting rod were oiled before the robot appeared to be satisfied with the condition of the apparatus. He pulled back the lever, causing the junction rails to slide over and connect with the main line rails. He carefully inspected the rails, checking the seating.

Finally, the robot flashed a small green light mounted on his chest.

Then another light flickered in the cab wall.

A small speaker sounded.

CLEO: "Patching in the UFO Group.

A male voice spoke. "First contact site in Chirnside Park has been cordoned off. Entry to the underground site is blocked by some kind of force field. Relief convoy now approaching second site, railway station at Yea. First cContact Vehicle transmitted message re alien and blue skinned dwarves but has gone off linestopped transmitting......"

There was a short delay then..

"First contact vVehicle appears to have been hit by incendiaries.....laser barrel melted...all metal surfaces bare of paint A volunteer has entered the vehicle.. NCO and crew alive but incoherent.. we are removing the men to Army hospital.....Melbourne command is sending road/rail/water vehicle to travel main line to Tallarook..then branch line to Yea and Mansfield... out..."

"Well," said Jake. "We got away!"

"But they are coming down the line as soon as they get a vehicle," said Alaric. "The I/I device makes us invisible but we are still physically presenthere. We need to get moving and reach a Gateway so we can be gone for good! We must go up the line towards Tallarook. The map shows a Gateway there. FIDO, set the points and then reset them in the opposite direction when we have passed."

The robot carried out his instructions.

Steam hissed from the locomotives cylinders.

The firedoor was now red hot as the alien device pumped out large quantities of heat. Jake eased off the brake and the train began to move slowly forward. The engine clanked over the connecting rails. When the carriage had cleared the junction FIDO pulled the points back to their original setting. As the coach drew level, the robot shot out one metal arm and opened the carriage door. His body lifted upward in one huge, effortless motion and in a second he was back inside the carriage. The door closed and he returned to his chore of washing up the dishes. Jake wound up the regulator and the train began to move with increasing speed. Inside the carriage, the dwarves were again shouting bets as they proceeded with some kind of game.

The interior of the carriage was blue with baccy smoke.

On the footplate, Jake had his head stuck out of the engine side window. His face felt cold but the radiant heat from the boiler kept the rest of his body warm. They steamed along the overgrown railway line, disturbing legions of rabbits who had taken up residence trackside.

"Well, so much for the Enchanted Area," said Jake. "A load of rubbish."

Alaric:"We are now going straight into it!"

Jake: "Gibberish! It's just old fields and a few cows and stuff."

He muttered to himself: "Stupid alien gits!"

They passed a siding. An ancient cattle truck was sitting forlorn, rusting and rotting. It appeared to be patiently waiting for an engine to pull it somewhere. But the only locally available locomotive was fully occupied, grinding down the track, followed by one ancient Pullman coach. Jake could see only rusty rails extending forward, barely visible. The railway seemed , a forlorn, bisected by weeds, grasses and small trees. A herd of cattle broke into a sudden stampede, rushing away from the line as the train approached. The cattle ran for a distance and then stopped and turned, looking searchingly at the strange train on a railway that had been derelict for many years.

### Chapter 2

Ambush

Suddenly Alaric spoke. He was peering out of the fireman's window on the other side of the cab. "Can you see a junction ahead?" he shouted.

Jake peered out. A few hundred yards ahead he could see what looked like a rail junction. "Yes, I see a junction!" he shouted. "We must check the points are not set against us." He tried to pull back the regulator, but it seemed to be stuck. The engine continued to thunder along at a full speed30 mph.. Jake applied all his strength but the regulator would not budge. Alarmed, Alaric now came across the cab and added his strength. The regulator would not move.

Abruptly the engine entered the points and veered off along another branch line, rocking savagely and almost derailing. The coach followed, jerking across the points with screeching wheels and sparks flying. Inside, the dwarves card game was again plunged into disarray as cursing bodies were thrown in all directions. The train suddenly ran into thick fog.

They were now running full pelt into a tunnel of roiling mist.

"We must stop the train!" shouted Alaric. "There is something odd about this! Some kind of force generator is controlling the regulator. What can we do?"

Jake searched his mind. The regulator was stuck. If he wound up the brake and locked it on, the boiler might blow up! The only thing to do was to throw the fire and lose steam. But the fire was made by a nuclear tube in the grate.

Jake: "We must stop making steam. How can we turn off that tube thing?"

"I will call FIDO!" shouted Alaric.

Alaric produced a mobile phone and dialed a number.

He spoke urgently into the phone.

"CLEO! Instruct FIDO to get to the locomotive cab! Full emergency power!"

Instantly the front connecting door of the carriage opened, revealing the golden form of FIDO. The robot reached out one hand. The arm extended in an extraordinary way until it reached a rail on the front of the tender! FIDO then pulled himself directly into the engine cabin.

"Orders?" FIDO asked in his peculiar mechanical voice.

"Shut off the heating unit!" shouted Jake

Immediately the robot used one metal hand to open the fire door. He put his other hand into the white hot firebox and appeared to turn some kind of knob on the heating unit. Immediately, the incandescent glow began to fade. The robot removed his arm and closed the firebox door. He moved back into the gangway between the tender and locomotive and stood immobile.

Steam pressure began to drop rapidly. Jake reached for the whistle and for once gained an approving nod from Alaric. Steam whooshed out with an ear-piercing scream. The engine immediately began to lose forward momentum. It ran on down the sideline for a short distance before coming to a halt. A small residue of steam hissed out. Around them the strange fog had lost none of its intensity. Jake reached up and tried the regulator.

Remarkably, it now moved easily into the off position. He applied the brake.

Ahead they heard a strange noise. It sounded like enormous feet stamping towards them. Alaric sniffed, elvish nose twitching. "I smell troll!" he said A troll suddenly appeared in front of them. Although smaller than the trolls they had met previously it was still monstrous. It towered over the steam engine.

Jake felt a surge of terror. The troll would overturn the engine and pick out edible bits for a tasty snack! Edible bits like himself! He could smell the rank odor of the dreadful creature. It was swinging a large club, presumably used to brain its victims. Shivver might be the answer but FIDO had taken the sword and put it inside the carriage! The troll stepped back and peered at the locomotive nameplate using a hand torch. He stepped around and flashed the torch onto the number painted on the boiler. He muttered something to himself.

"We've had it!" whispered Jake.

Alaric: "Is there anything we can do? What do you suggest?"

Jake thought furiously. Could FIDO do anything? The robot was still standing in the metal gangway linking the tender to the locomotive. He seemed to be well equipped for various missions. Could the robot attack when they distracted the troll by blowing the whistle? Was there enough steam left to activate the whistle?

Suddenly the troll reached into the breast pocket of his filthy jerkin and removed an Ion Allan Locomotives of the World! An international ABC! Now the troll thumbed through the book.

"It looks to us like this is a Brit! Spitfire! Missing since 1942! British B 1 engine vanished after a bomb blast! It may have been stolen by a foreign power?"

The troll ruminated. Then he said: "This is 999 Spitfire! Missing since 1942 and stolen by a foreign power! And it is here! The foreign power must have hidden it here!! This is a super top cop!"

He fumbled in his pocket and found the stub of a pencil. Carefully he underlined a number in his book. There was a sudden booming shout from further up the line. "Bolo! Supper! Get home NOW!" With a last fond look at Spitfire, still apparently unaware that the engine had a crew, the troll turned and shambled away. He left behind the pungent smell of troll body odor or TBO. This smell was mixed with a distinct scent of fear from Jake. Further refinement came from the ongoing ambient odors of hot oil, the sharp smell of hot metal and condensing steam.

Jake sank back onto his seat. The fearful apparition was a train spotting troll! Was there anything stranger in the universe? Jake then glanced out of the window at the place where the troll had appeared. He gave a sudden start of amazement. Where the troll had stood there was now a glowing golden Multiverse Railway Station sign! It must be the one they were looking for. They had arrived! He was about to alert Alaric when he realized the elf was already gazing intently at the sign. "There is something not quite right about this station!" said the elf. "It is not showing the correct colors or playing an appropriate tune. Both items should be present for the purpose of identification. That is clearly stated in the Index of Multiverse Railway Station Identification. Part 1,"

"It certainly looks like a real station to me!" said Jake

"It may be a clever trap!" said the elf.

"How do you know that?" asked Jake.

"A Multiverse Railway Station should be both visually and musically active!" said the elf. "This station looks vaguely OK but it should be red & blue and be playing music! "

The station sign glowed invitingly. It suddenly changed colors. It now resembled a London Underground sign. Soft music began to play.

Jake's head began to spin and he found his eyelids drooping.

### Chapter 3

Valley of the trainee wizard

"Don't fall asleep!" said Alaric urgently.

He sJake Jake's shoulder vigorously.

"We must send FIDO to see what's on the other side!" he said.

Alaric then spoke sharply: "FIDO! Alert! Alert! Are you fully armed?"

FIDO suddenly reactivated himself. He was standing in the small space between the engine and the tender. He spoke: "I am lightly armed! I have two "Deep Throat" Mark 7 high explosive rocket pods. I have one submachine gun with 2500 incendiary rounds! I have three 5kg anti personnel mines!"

Jake reacted with amazement.

The robot was armed to the teeth!

Alaric said: "FIDO! Orders! Switch to Full Combat Mode! Approach the apparent Multiverse Railway entrance to the north of this engine. Enter that area! If you find people on the other side are wearing white robes and carrying flowers return to this engine via the gate after saluting them and saying Om! Peace! Om! However, if any entity, animal, robot or other lifeform attempts to molest you—resist with lethal force! Following any such action return to this train with utmost dispatch! You are authorized to use any weapon at your disposal!"

The robots eyes glowed, first yellow and then red as he switched to full combat mode. FIDO climbed down from the engine and strode towards the glowing station sign. He walked forward and vanished.

The sign continued to glow and the music continued to play.

Abruptly there was the sound of gunfire. followed by a string of explosions. The sign disappeared. The music stopped. Suddenly the fog vanished The cab phone rang.

"CLEO here! I would like to give a SITREP. FIDO has attacked a castle and retrieved a Central Powers Long Range Fog machine. He has turned it off and he is retreating back to this train. The Multiverse Railway Station sign on the north side of this train is an illusion. It is designed to lure you into an area directly controlled by a trainee wizard. He wants to enslave this entire party. Do not enter his false station!"

"I ordered FIDO to enter!" said Alaric.

CLEO: "It is unfortunate that FIDO should have been sent into such a dangerous area.The false sign should have been simply ignored.The real station is directly opposite on the other side of the train. It is operative!"

Alaric put down the phone and scampered across the cab. He peered out of the fireman's side window. He returned to the phone and picked it up. "Yes, I can see the Multiverse Railway station sign. We will wait for FIDO to return and then enter! Tell the dwarves to get ready. Over and out!"

He replaced the phone in its socket. :

Faintly, the sounds of Bach Goes to Town came from the true Multiverse Railway Station on their right. But from the area on their left there now came the sounds of a frenzied full scale battle. Some distance below they could see a thickly wooded valley. Footpaths led down through a forest of pine trees covering the slopes. At the central part of the valley there was a grassed ravine. It led to a mount topped by what looked like an old fashioned turreted castle. A man with a white beard stood at the front wall of the castle. He was dressed in black, carrying a staff and wearing a conical hat emblazoned with s.

A group of trolls were firing a machine gun at some distand target.

And white beard was staring at them through a long tube.

"It's a wierdo!" said Jake, amazed. "He's all dolled up as a trainee wizard in a comical hat! He must be the main act at a birthday party! He is looking through a telescope."

"It's no party," said Alaric, "He forced us to come here! But where is FIDO?"

He sounded anxious. Neither of them could see the robot. FIDO had vanished although the sounds of gunfire continued. Inside the castle yard the trainee wizard dropped the tube and beckoned urgently. After a few moments four new trolls appeared carrying a flat wooden box. Suddenly, Jake and Alaric saw a flash of golden metal moving up through the trees towards them.

Alaric: "Thank goodness! Here is FIDO, heading in our direction!"

The trainee wizard took something from the box and pushed it into a tripod launcher. There was a hissing sound as a rocket ignited and streaked towards the robot. The flight ended with an abrupt flash of light and a loud explosion as the rocket impacted squarely on FIDO. The robot seemed to stop in mid stride as if poleaxed. He stood wobbling for a full minute. Then he turned, picked something up and continued on his way. The trainee wizard loaded a second rocket. He fired. But this time,FIDO sidestepped at the last moment. The rocket exploded in the forest. Several trees toppled and a fire began to blaze on the hillside. The robot suddenly turned to face the castle. He appeared to project a long tube from his chest. He turned slowly, rocking backwards, seeming to adjust his stance.

There was a sudden blast of light and a whoosh.

"FIDO was annoyed! There goes a Mark 7 Deep Throat!" said Alaric.

Jake and Alaric watched as the rocket hissed towards the castle. It appeared to change flight upwards as it zoomed over the turreted walls. Finally, it It executed a perfect roll before diving and impacting onto the courtyard.

There was a massive boom!

The trainee wizard vanished in a vivid flash of orange light.

A cloud of yellow smoke obscured the scene. A few moments later FIDO appeared at the edge of the forest close to the engine. The robot was badly dented and covered in black soot. He was carrying one scorched arm in his other hand. There was a gaping hole in his shoulder where the damaged arm had been blown off. A festoon of wires showed through the hole. FIDO strode up the pathway from the forest, stopped next to the steam engine. He offered a small cylinder to Alaric and then said: "Mission accomplished! Orders?"

Alaric accepted the cylinder and then said: "Reassume normal mode, turn on the heating device, and then repair your damaged arm!"

The robots eyes immediately changed color, from an angry red to the more normal glowing yellow. He wedged his damaged arm into a gaping shoulder socket, which was still smoking. He moved back to the carriage climbed up and entered.His undamaged arm appeared and slammed the door shut.

Alaric: "Perhaps we can now leave this planet and go home!"

Jake and Alaric both moved over to the south side of the cab. But now there was no sign of the Multiverse Railway Station. It had vanished and the music had stopped. The phone rang.

Jake picked up the instrument.

CLEO: "I regret to report that the Multiverse Railway Station is no longer available for your use! Warlike activities in this vicinity have have triggered a safety alarm. The Guardian has removed the station for a full inspection. It will now be inoperable for approximately three thousandhundred years of this planets time. Our party must therefore move on and hope. You are advised to proceed to Granite station.You can stay overnight and water the engine."

"Thank you," said Jake. He replaced the phone receiver. He was not at all put out by the sudden disappearance of the station. He might get a new chance to escape. He would certainly get more experience of steam engine driving.. There was no rush to find a working station on this allien railway. If they did find one and goet to Elf land he would be unmasked as a fake prince! He would probably face a firing squad!"

AAs they were continuing the Journey he would be safe for a while.

He might even be able to do a bit of train spotting somewhere.

Alaric was examining the cylinder given to him by FIDO. "Central Power escape equipment," he said. "Makes a massive fog bank...... he looked carefully under the regulator and pulled out a small silver disc: "Here is the reason we could not slow down," he said, "That criminal must have installed this when he bartered with the blue morons. He had the engine under control the whole time with this LRC (long range control.)"

The elf put the cylinder and disc into his pocket.

"I will reset the heater."

He used the fire bar to prise open the firebox and reset the heater. In a few minutes, with the reactivated heating unit again blasting out heat they had a head of working steam. Jake cranked the reversing handle. Thirty-two turns were needed to put the engine into reverse gear. Jake released the brake and opened the regulator.

The engine began to clank slowly backwards pushing its carriage.

Below, one side of the valley was entirely covered in smoke. The castle was wreathed in blue smoke which still poured from the site of the impact. A number of trees on the margin of the valley had caught fire. The havoc below finally vanished as they backed down the line. The train emerged from the branch, backed onto the rusty main line and stopped some distance beyond the points.

The engine was hissing steam.

Jake applied the handbrake.

Alaric climbed down and inspected the points .

He picked up something before returning to the cab. He said: "That crazy so and so in the valley would not be a threat without our Central Power technology. He fixed clips to the points and opened them by remote control! Escape gear exchanged for tobacco by the convicted morons inside the carriage!That troll kid was wearing a troll outfit from a fancy dress store. His smell was caused by not washing for a few weeks or so! The "trolls" at the castle must also be hypnotised and in costume. He has a hypno device and he is using it to enslave the whole area. The rockets were probably stolen from an Army Base. That trainee wizard could be a problem! How many slaves has he got?"

Alaric switched the points back to the straight ahead setting He then climbed back into the cab and produced a large silver turnip watch from his pocket. He studied it. "Good heavens!" said the elf. "We have spent six hours in that fog.. We must make all speed to Granite."

Jake released the handbrake and opened the steam regulator. The train began to accelerate down the rusty track.. Ahead they could see the light of a small town. They pressed on down a long straight. At a road crossing Alaric activated the I/I device and crossed cautiously after checking for road traffic. Shortly, they approached a station building marked Homewood. They were now close to a township and the road/rail crossing was busy with traffic. They sat waiting in the strange darkness and silence generated by the I/I device. Eventually, there was no traffic to be seen and the train inched forward.

Gates closed auJakeatically and they passed over the main road.

The gates reopened to traffic once they had passed.

With the township well behind Alaric switched off the device and the sound effects resumed. The engine puffed gouts of steam and roared angrily.

Wheels screamed on rusty rails.

Inside the carriage,the dwarves were playing Stuff It! This is a dwarvish card game. Dwarves are addicted to it. Little Sam was currently the owner of all his companions worldly goods. He was the clear winner. He was now being asked for two small loans, repayable at the usual 1000% an hour interest, so that his opponents, his very good friends might possibly recoup their losses.

The train rolled on through darkness. They chuffed through a short tunnel, grimy with black smoke. They emerged. A short distance ahead. they could see the street lights of another town. "Granite!" said Alaric. "It is almost dawn! With Your Elvish Majesty's permission we will rest for the day and water the engine! Again he switched on the I/I device to ensure that their arrival would not be seen. Spitfire steamed invisibly and inaudibly into a small railway yard.

As Jake slowed the engine, Alaric jumped down and ran forward. As he left the area of the trains invisibility shield his body shone eerily in the waning moonlight. The elf pulled a lever, ran back and hoisted himself back into the cab. The engine cranked forward slowly and ran into a siding, hissing steam, moving into a space between two lines of tarpaulin covered carriages. They came to a halt against a set of buffers. Jake wound back the regulator and set the handbrake. Alaric switched off the I/I device. The locomotive sat gently steaming. However, with FIDO about to undergo arm surgery conducted by himself (under instructions from CLEO's Master Robot Surgical program.) There was no robot available for the task of turning off the white hot fire bar. Alaric retrieved a pair of long tongs from the tender. He opened the firebox door. Shielding his eyes, he prodded around and managed to deactivate the white hot heating unit.

He replaced the tongs in the tender and closed the fire door. He climbed down from the cab. Jake and Alaric made their way down the side of the carriage, crunching over wet weed infested gravel. They opened a carriage door, climbed up and entered. As they went inside, both noted that the interior was again thick with blue baccy smoke. It was immediately apparent that Stumpy and Grumpy were in exceptionally bad moods. Both sat silent and scowling. "They've lost the lot!" said Little Sam.. "It was double or quits and it is definitely quits!"

Alaric checked his watch. He read the time and looked puzzled. "It is 5.30!" he said. He thought for a moment. "The I/I device!" he said. "It must set up an accelerated time cell. It is definitely quits for all of us! It is time to rest!!!"He left the I/I device on a shelf under CLEO's control, instructing the computer to use it if anyone approached the train. Alaric then tucked himself into a blanket drawn over a leather seat.

Stumpy and Grumpy went to bed still grumbling. Little Sam took his winnings and hid them under his pillow while Jake lay down on his carriage seat/bunk, and pulled up his blanket. The painted windows only admitted a few thin scratches of daylight. CLEO extinguished the carriage lights. Jake retrieved his sword and then lay on one of the long seats still fully dressed and thinking furiously. He was the captive of aliens. He had unwittingly attacked a friendly vehicle. Or to be more accurate his alien sword had attacked a friendly vehicle. But if he stayed with these aliens he would be charged with being a fake royal and probably executed. He would be better off escaping and getting help from the authorities. He could explain everything, show the sword and get back to school wherever that was.

Everyone rlse now appeared to be asleep.

Jake got up and crept forward, apparently intending to visit the toilet.

FIDO was out of sight somewhere. He was not near his cooking cubiclez.The robot was probably preparing to repair his damaged arm.

CLEO was fully occupied playing high level chess. The computer was fending off attacks from six Grand Masters who were challenging the new mysterious chess master playing in an international Internet tourney.

Jake was now near the end of the carriage. But instead of turning right into the loo he turned left, opened the carriage door silently and dropped to the gravel below.

The sun shone on the railyard as he set off up the track, balancing on a rusty rail. Apart from his own breathing and the thud of his heart, the railway was silent. He emerged from the railyard and set off down the track. He had advanced perhaps a quarter mile, hopping from sleeper to sleeper when an Army vehicle roared into view ahead.

Jake was spotted immediately.

The vehicle screeched to a halt.

Jake waved gladly.

Rescue was at hand! He would explain everything. He had been kidnapped by aliens. Had his ears surgically replaced. Woke up in an alien Orbiting satellite! Did his Duty and supplied the Resistance with arms stolen from the aliens! an underground jail. He had already tTried to alert the authorities twice. The first time the aliens had sent a robot who put the soldiers into some kind of horrid box thing. The second time but had his whole plan had been rruined by his sword -- an alien sword. He had no idea of the alien swords power! It was a total shock! It liked killing people!

Inside the Army vehicle, four soldiers were staring through the windscreen. They goggled at Jake in total amazement. In the sunlight he looked like an extra from a period movie, specially made up. A huge mop of bleached white hair, huge ears occaisonally revealed by the wind, a medieval leather jerkin and ski pants. And huge alien ears!

H

His sword appeared seemed to be actually vibrating in its scabbard!

The soldiers slowly and carefully reached for a variety of weapons.

Sten guns, pistols, an illegal Mauser hand gun, an old .303 rifle....

The Then the vehicle motor suddenly cut out.

This procedure was part of the Governments latest plan to save fuel.

For a moment everyone froze.

The sergeant recovered his wits first. He pressed a button to activate a long range comm unit. "Mobile to base! Alien in sight!"

Inside Jake's scabbard, Shivver was now pulsing furiously.,almost leaping from the scabbard. The scabbard was knocking against his let.The sword seemed to scent and relish the prospect of more military opposition. At that moment, a one armed FIDO came bounding down the railway on full emergency power. The golden robot jumped clean over Jake and pointed a squat weapon at the rail vehicle. He pressed a button.

The entire vehicle glowed with a furious purple light.

"Retreat!" cried the sergeant. "Back!"

The driver put the machine into reverse as the sergeant

He pressed the send button again.

"Emergency! Under attack by alien robot! Retreating! Redeploying"

The engine fired. up. The vehicle immediately began to run rapidly backwards, towards Yarra Glen. But this did not stop the eerie glow which was now spreading over the entirewhole vehicle and its terrified crew. All the guns were distorted like plastic models in a fire, OneOne by one, the soldiers lost consciousness. The rail vehicle continued to accelerate, completely out of control. It hammered down the track.

As the vehicle vanished, Jake was picked up by FIDO and returned to the train. He was dumped onto the seat he had vacated half an hour earlier. Alaric sat crossed legged on the next seat, looking at him quizzically. as FIDO closed the carriage door quietly.

The robot returned to his own affairs, repairing his severed arm.

"Majesty!" said Alaric. "How you love to fight! Attacking the soldiers like that! I expect you intended to put them to the sword and increase your impressive personal score? The Earth forces are now in full retreat, rolling back towards Melbourne, cowed, frightened and probably now all dead after a brush with a Prince of the Master Race!!.

His face and neck again suffused with a purple colour as he jumped up and shouted:

"We rule the Universe,!

By might and cunning and stealth,

We gladly smash resistance,

And help ourselves to the wealth!"

He sat down. He recovered almost immediately and spoke in a normal voice: "However, to control your warlike impulses, I have taken the precaution of locking the carriage doors. We must both get to sleep ready for the morrow!"

"But it was FIDO!" said Jake weakly. "He attacked them!"

"But you were there!" said Alaric. "The Prince Royal! Of course the robot would attack! He is programmed to assist! But the sortie will still count for you! as FIDO is your robot!~ Now I bid you, Good day, Sire..."

### Chapter 4

Ready to rock and roll?

Shortly before sunset, Alaric sJakeJugg Jake awake. The elf said nothing about the previous night. Jake was unsure if anything had actually happened. Maybe he had dozed off and dreamed the whole episode. The whole thing might have been a complete fantasy about what he would like to do rather than what he could do.

He headed for the toilet and inspected his ears. The peculiar,oversized ears still jutted out. That was an unfortunate fact. However, nothing could be done until he could somehow get an ENT operation .his own ears back. Presumably that would be in a joint operation with the actual owner of the ears, and elf who still had to be found. He hoped it would be painless...

Jake returned to the table. The dwarves were all seated with Alaric .

He passed FIDO, busy cooking in a tiny galley. FIDO now had two arms and two hands. The robot suddenly held out one metal hand and offered Jake a wristwatch! Jake assumed that the watch was some kind of gift offering.

It was presumably a way of thanking him... for what?

Jake could think of nothing.

He slipped the watch onto his wrist. The watch showed the time to be 6.45pm and the sky was darkening. The rail yard became deeply shadowed as the sun set. In the carriage, the lights and heating came on, generating a cosy, convivial atmosphere. "Breakfast" was a substantial meal of orange juice, followed by toasted Waybread, baked beans and tinned sausages all cooked by FIDO on his nuclear stove. Presumably, this feast came from "travel rations" held in miniaturized form or possibly from the "food bay" which was presumably now.somewhere aboard the train. The Waybread was spread with a selection of Dwarvish jams and marmalades which had been contributed by Stumpy. The meal was washed down by excellent fresh, hot coffee. Once they finished, FIDO cleared the table.

Jake now regarded the robot with different eyes.

FIDO had always been an excellent train spotting companion.. However, he FIDO had proven to be a remarkable robo warrior, capable of fighting a fortified castle and putting it out of action. Jake now constantly thanked the robot, thanking him for the table service, for clearing away dishes, for washing up.. In fact, he had said "Thank you FIDO!" so often that the three dwarves eventually parodied him. Little Sam pretended to approach the table with a robotic walk. He served an imaginary drink to Stumpy and Grumpy The two dwarves immediately chorused: "Thank you FIDO!" in assumed, falsetto voices.

Once the companions finished the meal, CLEO made an announcment.

"There has been a slight miscalculation," said the computer. "The next Gateway was believed to be near Granite station.. However, new data shows that particular Multiverse Station has been closed, as part of an economy drive carried out in 250 B.C. local time.. The only remaining Multiverse Station I can locate is at Maindample. It is in the opposite direction on the Mansfied line.I suggest you water the engine and get moving!"

Alaric stood up, followed by Jake. The three dwarves followed Alaric and Jake out of a side door, jumping down onto overgrown gravel alongside the track. Jake's previous viewing of the engine had been affected by the army cars on fire, so that he now saw "his" engine for the first time. The engine was decorated with a headboard announcing that it was the Multiverse Express. Below that was the picture of CLEO, formerly in his bedroom but now showing the computers idea of herself as a punk. Jake walked around the engine and saw yet another picture on the tender. ItThis seemed to be a picture of himself wielding a sword.

Jake stood staring at the tender as Stumpy and Grumpy climbed up onto the tender and fitted a hose into position. Their next task was to turn the water on—an operation which required the combined effort of all three dwarves. The flow was controlled by a hydrant wheel. The dwarves strained to turn the wheel. They refused to accept any assistance from Jake or Alaric, as a matter of dwarvish pride.

Jake was totally preoccupied. He now sat on the drivers seat brooding. He still had major concerns about his lack of knowledge about himself. In terms of identity, he still knew only the ridiculous claim that he was an elvish prince. Surely this "Prince Jake" caper must be a case of mistaken identity? But.. in his current situation...should he pretend to be Prince Jake? He might get away with it for a while....It was difficult to know how to get out of the mess he was sliding into. He was getting deeper and deeper into trouble. He might be executed by the elves for pretending to be the lost prince! Or he might get caught by the UFO soldiers and executed as an elvish killer!

He might get trapped by the trainee wizard and turned into a slave!

He seemed to have no option apart from simply carrying on.

Alaric sat serenely on the fireman's seat, apparently filled with joy and certainly emanating light. He seemed to be convinced that he had found the right person. He seemed to be certain that everything would be solved once they reached a working Multiverse Railway Station everything would be OK. But finding a working Multiverse Station also appeared to be a very long shot! So far none of the stations had opened. The only thing Jake had seen was half a sign melting into a blob and another sign which had almost immediately vanished. Plus one fake sign!

On a command from CLEO, FIDO climbed down from the carriage and moved silently to the rear of the train, ready to change the points once the train had reversed back onto the main line.

With steam up it was now 6.15PM.

Jake said: "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes, Your Royal Highness!" said Alaric.

CLEO suddenly spoke through the loudspeaker in the cab." Warning! The Definitely Enchanted Area continues to expand. The trainee wizard may have gained highly classified information about our Journey. He intends to intercept this train and seize its passengers to promote his maniacal plans!"

"Why does the trainee wizard want us?" asked Jake.

Alaric: "Possibly because he is aware that when we reach Central Power, I will report his activities to the relevant authorities who reside on a special facility called MARS. This is an acronymn for Magical Acolyte Recovery Sanitarium. Once he is forced to have treatment, all his earth gear will be forfeit.His power base will be immediately destroyed! His domain will vanish. His castle will disappear like a puff of smoke. Enchanted servants and vassals will be freed. The trolls will resume their previous forms as ticket inspectors on the railway!"

It was obvious that the trainee wizard would be strongly motivated! An air of foreboding seemed to permeate the carriage as they all Stared at the map. The line marking the edge of the DEA kept advancing. The pink area was gradually encroaching, creeping ever closer to the barred line indicating the railway they were travelling on.

He turned on the I/I device and the train abruptly vanished, leaving only a black shadow etched out by moonbeams on the ground.. They were ready to move. Again, in the uncanny silence created by the I/I device,Jake turned the reversing handle, released the brake and opened the steam injectors. FIDO hopped back aboard onto what appeared to be a shadow passed over the points he had recently switched. FIDO seemed to see the invisible train quite clearly through his peculiar eyes. They did not appear to be affected by the I/I device. And once again, they were on the move! The train rolled onto the main line now going north west.

They rolled past the old station. Level crossing gates on Kerrisdale main street automatically closed as the train approached. A number of cars and trucks stopped. Apparently nothing happened, for no human eyes could see the strange opaque shadow as it sped silently over the crossing. Cars were hooting as annoyed drivers reacted to an apparent failure of the gate mechanism.The drivers were cursing VicRail and several used mobile phones to complain.

After the invisible train passed, the gates auJakeatically reopened, leaving the impression that the system was faulty. As the line was normally disused this seemed to be an entirely reasonable conclusion.

Soon the train reached open country. About a mile out of town Alaric turned off the I/I device and the thunderous sounds of the engine returned with full force. The wind was blowing strongly, with high scudding clouds frequently obscuring a full moon. In the carriage the dwarves had dried off. Baccy pipes had been lit and after a consultation Stumpy and Grumpy said: "After Due Consideration they would again allow young Little Sam to join a Game of Stuff It. They were obliged to remind him that he could not be lucky forever! His streak was in the past and the sun would shine on the affairs of his elders and betters!"

The dwarves then beganStarted another loud and riotous game. Burning baccy filled the carriage with a haze of blue smoke. No one noticed that CLEO was constantlyagain upgrading the map. The area indicating the DEA was constantly advancing. The perimeter had now passed over the barred line which denoted the railway track. A glowing dot showed the current position. It was The dot was steadily approaching a point of contact inside the Definitely Enchanted Area.

Oblivious to the threat, Jake was again enjoying himself. He Despite the cold draft, he was quite warm. In fact, the entire cab was comfortably heated by the remarkable thermal output of the nuclear device. Jake was again enjoying the sensation of controlling a large, powerful, real steam engine. He adjusted the regulator delicately and professionally from time to time, peering down the line. It ran almost dead straight ahead, showing in the moonlight as a pair of dull rusted lines bisecting a virtual forest of small weeds, grasses and saplings. He could only see the tracks for a short distance ahead. Reality was quite different from the computer training program. In the computer version, tracks were shown as two shining steel lines which had been visible for miles ahead.

There had been signals and trackside signs. But now there were no signals except for broken metal structures rusting away. or signs. This was a pity, since he could have used his knowledge of signal codes to good effect. The few signals they did pass were all bare steel uprights with peeling paint and large areas of rust. They had been left to perish with the rest of the abandoned railway. If there were any remaining signs by the track they were totally invisible, covered by thick undergrowth.

Occasionally, they ran alongside a main road and cars passed. On each occasion, Alaric seemed to know in advance when a car or truck would appear. He activated the I/I device ahead of the actual contact. Once the vehicle had passed, Alaric would turn off the device, much to the relief of the dwarves in the coach. When the I/I device was on, all sound stopped both outside and inside the train. The invisibility device left the exterior of the train totally invisible to an external viewer.

The train moved on, past a ghostly row of old grain silos, now disused and appearing as bleached shadows in the moonlight, They passed an ancient quarry, abandoned and derelict In the stokers seat, Alaric maintained a sharp lookout down the line, frequently glancing across the landscape for any road in case a car or truck might suddenly appear. Jake began to feel more confident. His train was running well. He had a full head of steam, a full tank of water and an apparently inexhaustible supply of heat from the tube in the fire grate.

His new wristwatch suddenly rang like a phone!

CLEO's voice said: "The device on your wrist is a personal communications unit with a number of additional functions! You are now approaching a point of contact with the DEA. Anything that you see or hear may be an illusion."

Trust CLEO to come up with some new gibberish!

The engine continued to move forward.

Jake turned up the regulator. The engine immediately responded. The staccato beat of the exhaust sharpened and speed began to increase. The sound of wheels running over lengths of rail was almost hypnotic. They came to another deserted station. For a change this one still had a battered sign announcing itself as Granite. Jake decided to stop the train and repair to the carriage for a strengthening cup of herbal tea. He wound down the regulator, applied the brake and brought the train to a screeching halt. The place where they halted appeared to have been abandoned many years ago. The platform itself was cracked. The roots of a nearby tree protruded through the bitumen. The track, which stretched ahead towards Yea was overgrown with tall weeds waving in the breeze. The engine stood blowing steam from its safety valve.

"I thought we might go back to the carriage and have a cuppa?" said Jake, responding to Alaric. The two stepped off the loco and walked down the weedy platform to the carriage. They opened the door to a barrage of shrieks and a thick blue haze of baccy smoke. The dwarves had just completed another round of their apparently endless card game.

They were now getting set for: "The Championship Round." This basically meant that Little Sam would bet all his winnings—which again included everything the two older dwarves had previously owned - against the two older dwarves hats!

Such a bet represented a truly monumental wager. A dwarvish conical hat represents its owners personal life story. The cunningly woven threads give full details of his bank account, his income tax returns, his birth certificate, his blood type and which sporting teams he barracked for. As Jake and Alaric came into the carriage, along with a blast of cold air, the dwarves stopped the game and sat looking enquiringly at them. "What's up then?" asked Stumpy. "Come in for a warm?"

Grumpy said casually: "Wanna join the game?" This last question was undoubtedly motivated by guile— the chance to fleece two innocent newcomers before they got as good as Little Sam (who, despite his youth had proven to be an expert player, well deserving of the title card sharp.Alaric answered: "We have no time for cards—we have just popped in for a quick cuppa before continuing the journey."

FIDO appeared with five cups of Travellers Elvish Brew -- the tea that makes your hair stand on end. The card game stopped as the dwarves eagerly took the cups of that fabulous refreshing brew. They all drank appreciatively and Jake felt a surge of new inner warmth and vigor. Jake was now full of good cheer. The comm device on his wrist felt heavy and he decided to remove it. He put it on the table and then pulled down his pack to retrieve his new ABC's.

Suddenly, there was a sharp rat a tat on the carriage door.

Immediately, the door opened and the tall figure of a railway inspector climbed into the coach. The Inspector smiled pleasantly, showing rows of even white teeth. He wore an old fashioned railway uniform. A black peaked cap crowned with a silver badge, announced the wearer as the Victorian Railways Inspector General.

The Inspector General carried a battered leather satchel strapped around his chest. He also wore a white beard which ended in a point just above his neatly knotted tie. He seemed vaguely familiar. Jake caught the smell of Old Splash aftershave along with a strange musty aroma that seemed to suggest marsh and fog. The inspector stood over the table seating the party. He produced a glowing jewel on the end of a chain and began to spin it in a slow circle as he spoke. "Tickets please, I must see your tickets!"

"We haven't got tickets!" said Jake. "This is a private train."

"NoYou cannot travel without tickets!" said the inspector in a droning voice.

He continued to spin the jewel slowly. It glowed and spun with a peculiar hypnotic aura. Jake suddenly felt drowsy. The jewel seemed to be getting larger. It filled the whole coach with a light which drew him...drew him in.... a land where there were no worries and nothing mattered, nothing at all....

Next to him Alaric was also staring in a glassy, wide eyed way at the jewel and his head drooped as he sank down to the table. Shortly, Jake's eyes closed and he fell into a deep trance. Stumpy and Grumpy were already well entranced and snoring. Little Sam was gazing at the jewel, with his eyes wide open. Shortly he also toppled over. Abruptly, the "inspector" put the jewel back into his pocket and opened a nearby carriage door.

A pack of trolls stood around a small cart.

"Get in!" hissed the "Inspector.

"Load these mongrels onto the cart and take them to the castle!"

He indicated Jake and Alaric. The pack of hideous trolls streamed aboard the train. They all reeked of dreadful Troll Body Odour (TBO+) supplemented by Troll Underarm Stink (TUS ++). In seconds the entire carriage reeked. But while smelly, the trolls were also efficient. The recumbentJackt forms of Jake and Alaric were quickly carried through the open carriage door and loaded onto a handcart. The dwarves were left apparently asleep in the carriage.

Jake and Alaric slumped in the handcart like two limp marionettes.

"Go, go, go!" shouted the Inspector, ripping off his uniform and hat. This action revealed his undergarments - a kind of combo vest and underpants known as Long Johns, an item no longer in general use nowadays. The "Inspector" disguise had not allowed the trainee wizard to wear his Wizards shirt and his magical cloak. In addition, he was not carrying his magic enabling staff (or M E S.)

Under menacing scowls from the trainee wizard, who looked as if he had just got out of bed and was not in a good mood, the trolls fled. They pushed the unconscious bodies of Jake and Alaric on a rough cart mounted on a pair of old bike wheels. They rattled off down thea pitted pathway.

The trolls faced a long trek while their recumJackt cargo faced a very bleak future.

The trainee wizard was about to leave the carriage when he suddenly spotted FIDO. The robot was calmly washing dishes in his tiny galley. "YOU!" screeched the trainee wizard. "You castle wrecking rotten mechanical creep! You beastly armored tramp! You fiendish nig nog! I will use a giant tin opener on your armor! I will hang you from the gibbets! I will roast you in boiling oil! I will reduce you to molecules—nay! Less than molecules! AJacks! Even less than that! You will become a vacuum!" FIDO simply ignored this tirade and continued calmly washing up the dishes. He proceeded slowly and methodically, removing every last crumb and smear, ensuring that the dishes would be perfect for the next programmed meal.

The trainee wizard took this badly.

He was not used to being ignored.

In his domain, his slightest whisper brought instant action.

His anger was now becoming incandescent!

CLEO was listening and watching events via Jake's comm unit, which was standing on the table. CLEO used digital reasoning to deduce: a) Jake and Alaric had fallen asleep and had been removed by force b) The dwarves had also fallen asleep c) It was not yet bed time d) Robot FIDO was being threatened

Of course, the robot was well able to defend himself. He was equipped with a wide range of weapons. But the use of such arms inside the carriage was not advisable. There was the threat of collateral damage and possibly fatal results to CLEO!

The computer instantly issued a radio command audible only to FIDO.

"FIDO! Assume military mode. Exit via the nearest door. Move to the far edge of the platform and light up at full power! Assume insulting posture No 12 (a). When the person facing you tries to apprehend you, run away. Allow the person to make chase! Use more insulting postures as required in order to ensure that he continues to chase. Once he is almost exhausted find a suitable site and cause him to fall into the river! Return for instructions. GO!"

The robots eyes gleamed red. Like a streak of metal lightening he shot across the carriage, brushed past the shocked trainee wizard and vanished through the still open carriage door. The trainee wizard let out a bellow of rage and climbed down after him. FIDO was standing at the far edge of the platform. He suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree and stuck out a metal tongue! He made that uncommonly rude sound known as a metal raspberry. The trainee wizard was now beside himself with fury.

He advanced towards the robot. FIDO waited until the trainee wizard was almost on him then turned and loped slowly down the railway track. The trainee wizard followed, attempting to recall spell 352, an incantation which would, in theory, disable any robot. FIDO was moving quite slowly. The trainee wizard was rapidly gaining when the robot suddenly vanished into thick bush. Recklessly, the trainee wizard ran after him, relying totally on a string of incantations.

His spells had no effect at all on the robot. FIDO simply ran, waited until the trainee wizard puffed into view and then did a rude V gesture, waving two fingers of his hand (insulting gestue 13.) Robot and pursuer ran on until they were both deep in the bush. Suddenly the robot vanished!. Crashing noises continued ahead. The trainee wizard ran on blindly.

Shortly the trainee wizard came to a deep river, with a metal bridge stretching over it. The sounds of the robot running appeared to come from the other side of the bridge. Without hesitation, the trainee wizard ran onto the bridge. As he reached the centre section, the "bridge" suddenly telescoped into itself! It revealed the form of FIDO clinging to a bush on the far bank. The trainee wizard attempted to hang on but the shiny metal offered no purchase. The trainee He wizard fell headlong into the river!He was carried downstream by the fast current. FIDO then ran back to the train. He was still in Military Mode, a status revealed by his glowing red eyes and astonishing speed. FIDO reentered the carriage and said: "Mission complete. New instructions?"

CLEO was attempting to decide on a course of action based on digital reasoning. (1) Alaric and Jake had gone off with the trolls. Neither had given any instructions.

Conclusion. They should be retrieved and put to bed.

(2) Going up the line was causing substantial problems with the traineed trainee wizard. Conclusion: they should go back to Kerrisdale and regroup, The train could then resume its journey to a Multiverse Express station..

"Advance down the track on the far side of the railway. Locate a handcart!" said CLEO. "Disable the trolls propelling the cart. Pick up Jake and Alaric and return them to their bunks. Cover each sleeper with a blanket. Then assume normal operating mode before taking control of the locomotive and proceeding back to Kerrisdale.! On arrival at the station, stop the train and await orders! Proceed now!"

Again, on full emergency power, the robot shot out through the carriage door and set off down the pathway. The trolls had managed about a half mile and were trudging along slowly when the frightening golden metallic figure of the robot appeared. FIDO's eyes were glowing in full military killing mode. The trolls turned to face the robot. "Resistance is futile!" said FIDO in a deep, booming voice. "Leave now or be destroyed...destroyed in five seconds.four seconds..three seconds...."

Before the robot could say two seconds, the trolls were fleeing down the track in a wild panic. FIDO picked up the unconscious forms of Jake and Alaric, tenderly tucking one under each arm. He ran back up the track at maximum speed, re-entered the carriage and put the two bodies onto seats which served as beds. He covered each form with a blanket and tucked them in carefully. Finally, he put the three dormant dwarves to bed, each with a blanket.

FIDO then switched down from military mode. His eyes resumed their normal yellow glow. The robot leftexited the carriage, climbed up into the stationary engine, retracted the brake lever and opened the steam regulator. The engine snorted and puffed steam vigorously, generating an impressive wheel spin. FIDO eased back the regulator and applied a blast of sand to the contact area between wheels and rails. As he reapplied steam the driving wheels bit and the engine began to move, hissing gouts of white steam.

The engine accelerated as the robot opened the regulator.Soon the train was once again heading toward Kerrisdale, wheels thrumming and steam hissing from the cylinders.

### Chapter 5

Abnormal sleep

The train arrived at Kerrisdale station about an hour before dawn. The passengers all appeared to be sleeping peacefully and were left in their bunks as FIDO shunted the train into a siding. A row of derelict mail vans stood on one side and obscured the steam train from view. FIDO turned off the control of the nuclear fire bar, allowing the locomotive to cool.

The sky began to lighten.

The station appeared in detail as the daylight strengthened. The booking office was boarded up. Doors leading to the goods office and a waiting room were also sealed. A number of birds were neShivver under the platform canopy. White streaks down the horizontal boards provided confirmation. Toilets marked Ladies and Gentlemen were barred behind metal grilles. As the sun rose to fully illuminate the old yellow brick buildings, the station seemed to be slumbering.

Patiently waiting for some miraculous railway revival.

What had been a small garden in the centre of the down main platform, lovingly tended by generations of past station masters, was now a mass of rampant, tangled creeper. The overgrown area was spilling over the cracked bitumen. In time it might overpower the entire station, which would vanish into legend.

CLEO was busy checking transmissions from UFO Command. Although the conversations were scrambled to stop unauthorized spying, CLEO had no difficulty in breaking the code. The computer recorded a scrambled conversation at 7.22 am.

"This is General Maloney at UFO Command in Darwin! Have all your people gone crazy?"

Colonel Viljoen: "No, sir, we have not gone crazy, sir! Three events are causing concern. First, we intercepted an alien at Chirnside Park and a squad of soldiers were shot by an alien gun. It put them inside some sort of transparent slab and they are still there. Next, we tracked the aliens. Using ground penetrating radar, we found a 50 km tunnel from the underground lair to Yea station to Yea Railway Station. Amn armoured car was dispatchedsent to Yea station. The crew reported contact and intention to fire! Communication ceased abruptly. A back relief party was send and they reported that the original car had its laser gun melted. The crew were and its crew incoherent. A fully crewed armed road rail vehicle was then sent up from Melbourne. It travelled to the Mansfield line. . That vehicle reported contact and then came back down the main line totally out of control! It proceeded down the railway, and finally crashed into buffers at Flinders Street. The two Both vehicles are still glowing with a purple aura! All the paint has been stripped and both crews havel gone mad! We have been unable to enter the alien hide out at Chirnside Park or the 50 km tunnel to Yea as both are protected by some kind of unknown force field!They have become pacifists! There was a simutaneous event re what turned out to be inflated dummies placed on a train at Lilydale station inside a locked carriage. The Police smashed in at Ringwood and discovered the dummies were inflatable. This whole business began when a garage door was stolen some months ago in Chirnside Park. That matter was put down to local vandals. But last night we were alerted by a signal from an orbiting spacecraft showing a subsoil image of the gardem mext door to the house which lost its garage door. The image showed what is believed to be an underground alien hideout. The entrance is inside an oak tree, cunningly camouflaged. The tree is hollow and there are horizontal barriers preventing entry. Using ground penetrating radar, we have found a 50 km tunnel from the underground lair toYea station."

General Maloney "Fifty klicks! How did they make it?"

Colonel Viljoen "No idea sir!It's an amazing construct and it shows what we are up against!Extremely high tech! Several boreholes have reached down to the tunnel but we cannot penetrate the tunnel material."

General Maloney: "Well, continue looking into the tree and this tunnel and find out what you can. They are obviously alien spies! It may be the start of an invasion!"

Colonel Viljoen: "General, with respect, I feel we must also investigate the Yea railway. It runs from Tallarook to Mansfield. Two vehicles and crews have now been totalled on that railway. It must be a prepared escape route. They have some kind of alien device which causes their vehicle to become invisible and inaudible as required. These aliensy are extremely dangerous and well armed! We are going to scan the whole line using Sat Com. Once we locate them I am going in! Air and ground, choppers, artillery! The works!"

There was a long pause.

General Maloney: "Don't let the media hear a word of this." We must avoid a panic!"

The message was duly recorded by CLEO.

As Jake and Alaric were asleep it was not passed on.

Outside the train, the old railway station remained deserted. The passengers elves and dwarves slept on. Finally, daylight began to fade. FIDO Started preparing hot drinks and a meal for the travelers.

The robot checked the carriage blinds and switched on the interior lights. But there was no response from the sleepers. FIDO informed CLEO that a meal was ready but that the travelers were still asleep. CLEO responded by telling FIDO to generate a variety of loud sound effects along with a light show. The robot duly lit up with a remarkable display of multi colored lights. Then he generated the sound of a massive foghorn which blew at intervals of 15 seconds for 10 minutes. The entire carriage vibrated from the massive sound but there was no response from the sleeping figures. Next, the robot generated the sound of coins falling into a metal pan. This effect was selected in the hope that it would at least rouse the dwarves.

### Chapter 6

Doctor from MARS

But nothing disturbed the slumbering figures. CLEO decided that her charges were in a hypnotic trance which might only be broken by a practicing anti hypnotist.

The computer then scanned through many gigs of data, searching for an anti hypnotist located anywhere. She finally found a name. The Eminent Anti Hypnotist Dr Lao Sao Mao Tse Tung. Dr Tung was shown as resident on MARS. A note stated that: "MARS is the Magical Acolyte Recovery Station, a special mental hospital facility located on an asteroid in Universe One. It is funded by Central Power. Physians are on call for serious cases in any universe..."

CLEO immediately z-waved the number and enquired if Dr Tung could make a house call ? The call was successful. Dr Tung was willing to visit Earth.

About ten minutes after CLEO's call, the doctor arrived on the railway platform. His arrival coincided with in a flash of brilliant indigo light accompanied by a clap of thunder. He had transferred directly from MARS using a personal, pocket sized matter transmitter.

Dr Tung was a smallish man, with definite Asiatic features. He was dressed in a tailored black suit, a shirt without a collar and a black hat with a narrow brim. Long oiled pigtails stretched down over his back. Carrying a small black bag, the doctor stepped lightly across the platform.

He arrived at a carriage door. He knocked and was admitted by FIDO. The doctor did not appear to be at all put out by the sight of a robot opening the carriage door.

He merely asked if he might see his patients.

FIDO indicated the sleeping dwarves and elves. The doctor then asked: "Have the patients consumed something which may cause them to lose consciousness? Are they intoxicated? Zonked out? Loopy?"

In his gravelly voice, FIDO replied to the negative.

"What has caused them to become hypnotised?" said the doctor.

FIDO replied. "Man has off planet equipment stolen from this train."

The doctor then took the pulses of each patient. His method involved taking three pulses simultaneously. His long, slender fingers covered an area from the palm to a position on each patients forearm. However, the pulses apparently gave him very little information as to the cause of malaise. The doctor remarked that all five patients appeared to be in good health, apart from the fact that they were all currently unconscious!

The doctor then opened his black bag and produced a small, metal globe. He placed the globe on the table and proceeded to rub a wooden stick around the circumference of the globe. This action generated a strange, whining noise which grew in volume until the entire interior of the carriage seemed to vibrate. The globe generated an overwhelming volume of sound.

The three dwarves sat up, mumbling incoherently.

"Good evening," said Dr Tung politely. "I am Dr Lao Sao Mao Tse Tung I am normally a resident physician in the MARS special recovery facility.body MARS is funded by Central Power, which is why your party got top priority service. It appears that you have all been hypnotized by a trainee wizard. We currently have him on our hospital waiting list. He is Alfred Garret, formerly a steam engine driver. May I suggest that you sit somewhere while I attend to your companions?"

The dwarves all moved over to a table. The doctor now inserted a number of needles into various areas of the two sleeping bodies. He vibrated some needles but there was no response. "Acupuncture has failed!" said the doctor. "Moxibustion?"

He placed small jars over various body parts. Each jar appeared to contain some kind of burning material. The jars left bright red circular marks when removed. But there was no other response.

"This is certainly a deep enchantment," said the doctor."Very deep. I suspect that a powerful hypnotic jewel has been used."

"It is, or was part of our escape equipment," said CLEO. "Volcano is a self programming matrix with excellent hypnotic powers. It will even change molecular properties so that an enchanted individual actually assumes physical charactaristics of the form that has been suggested. We have already seen this physical change in the form of an infant troll and some adult trolls."

Her tinny voice came from a case on the luggage rack.

The doctor stroked his chin and stood deep in thought.

Finally he asked: "Where is the young lady who just spoke?"

"I am here!" said CLEO. "I asked you to visit this train!"

"Why are you hiding in the luggage?" said the Doctor.

"I am not hiding, doctor! My hardware is resident inside the pack above your head," said CLEO. "I am computer CLEO. Do you wish to conduct an electronic binary search on this current medical matter?."

"Well, computer CLEO! I would certainly love to employ you as my assistant," said the Doctor. "In any event, I have never required any computer except my abacus! But we must get this train back to the point of contact with the trainee wizard. He has to be confronted. And he may be victorious, in which case we will be enslaved!"

CLEO immediately instructed FIDO to raise steam and reverse the train back to Homewood. The computer instructed Little Sam to operate the I/I device. In a short time the train was rumbling down the deserted railway. Once they were clear of Kerridale, Little Sam was told to turn off the I/I device. The usual engine noises returned. Eventually they reached Homewood station some 5 miles down the line. The train screeched to a stop with its safety valve blowing off steam. Dr Tung left the carriage and walked up the platform to the engine. He told FIDO to leave the heating device switched on at minimum heat.

The robot was to then wait inside the carriage.

The doctor returned to the carriage interior.

Jake and Alaric still lay entranced.

"Should we contact this trainee wizard to ensure he comes here?" asked Little Sam. "If he doesn't know we are here he will not come."

Dr Tung was now enjoying a cup of Elvish tea prepared by Stumpy. "I do not believe it will be necessary to make contact with him," said Dr Tung. "He will be informed of our arrival. He has this entire neighborhood enslaved! Many formerly honest, hard working citizens have been enchanted. They are now compelled to act as his eyes and ears. We will simply wait. in comfort."

### Chapter 7

Eve of Battle

In fact, it took almost an hour for the trainee wizard to learn of the train's arrival. He was finally alerted by a centaur. The centaur had originally been a horse riding instructor. He had made the error of shouting a curse at the trainee wizard when that individuals speeding bike had narrowly missed running into a party of student horse riders. The horses had been spooked and took some time to calm down. The instructor had shouted: "Stupid Halwit!" Taking offence at the rebuke, the trainee wizard had muttered something about cheeky horse types blocking roads. He then hypnotized the riding instructor and put him into a centaur costume. The botJake half of the instructor's body now appeared to be a horse.

The horses head had vanished. It and was replaced by a human head and torso .

The torso was dressed in a white polo shirt bearing the initials EFA on the chest.

Unfortunately, the centaur was now only able to communicate by neighing. Yet, like many enchanted beings in the PEA,the centaur was intensely loyal to the trainee wizard. To alert the trainee wizard in respect to the train's arrival, the centaur/instructor ran backwards at full pelt across 40 km of woods and fields. He traveled backwards to avoid losing sight of the train since he had been ordered to watch closely! He was, of course, unable to see the train after covering ½ km but this fact did not register on his hypnotized brain.

On arrival, he charged into the castle courtyard and neighed 3 times.

This was a prearranged signal indicating that the train was in his area of watch.

His immediate reward was a pile of raw carrots from the castle cJakechen.

The trainee wizard was exceedingly pleased when he heard that the train had returned. After some thought, he reached the conclusion that one of his spells had affected robot FIDO. The trainee wizard reasoned that FIDO must have acted as the train driver because the other occupants of the train were all entranced. One of the spells must have forced the robot to reverse the train and return!

"It was almost certainly the old Reverse and Return spell 27!" the trainee wizard, chuckling to himself. chortled. "I must have uttered it while chasing that metal man! I may have fallen into the river, had to swim and then climb out. But this new event actually proves that everything was actually under my power! The robot has been forced to drive the train back here! Even when I seem to lose I actually win!!! How incredibly potent and wonderful I am! Now the metal man has returned and I can deal with him at my leisure. I will also collect the two valuable elves lost by incompetent trolls! And those dwarves who will be good for working in the mine."

HeThe megalomaniac rubbed his hands together.

He was sitting in a well appointed lounge inside his castle. He had dried off after his unplanned immersion in the river and he was now fully dressed in ceremonial robes, black pants, black boots and a somewhat grey shirt which had not been well laundered. His outfit was completed by a high conical hat emblazoned with stars and moons.

His staff stood nearby, waiting for action.

"I must prepare fully for this encounter!" said the trainee wizard. "This time I will be ready for anything. I will take a full crew of troops!! And finally I will have massive naval might! I will alert ten crocodiles from the lower pool! They may be only half tamed. I have only had one session with Volcano and the crocs but that will do! In any case, Volcano could probably do this job without assistance. But I love to win! I will grind the damned elves and those blue dwarves into dust!"

He stood up and inspected himself in the mirror. "Most impressive!" he said, picking up his staff. He felt inside a pocket and pulled out the glowing stone Volcano He had already used it to hypnotize the elves and dwarves when he made his first visit to the railway train, disguised as a railway ticket inspector.

But now he would not be disguised. He would be resplendent in his full majesty! He moved to his wall safe and removed a box like object covered in knobs and dials. It was a Dopplegang Convertor, a machine he had acquired from the train! The trainee wizard leaned out of the window and pointed the box at five trolls lounging in the courtyard. He pressed a switch. Immediately the five trolls popped out of sight, to be replaced by ten trolls. He repeated the process, generating twenty trolls.

"Should I carry on until I have forty trolls?" said the trainee wizard, speaking to himself. He thought for a moment. "No! I can create more trolls on the battlefield if needed. Twenty trolls is plenty trolls!"

The trainee wizard picked up a megaphone and leaned out of the window.

He bellowed: "Trolls! Draw battle clubs! Report to the helivan!"

He now looked into a polished crystal globe which he used as a communication device. The globe immediately focused on a group of crocodiles in a river. Crocs! It is time for war!" cried the .trainee wizard. "Proceed upstream to where the chuff chuff is standing. Wait there for action!"

Because crocs are not very erudite the trainee wizard used the term "chuff chuff" to describe the steam engine standing at Homewood station.

Carrying the dopplegang converter, the trainee wizard strode to the helivan. It was parked on the castle forecourt. A leprechaun in a pair of filthy overalls stood by the helivan, holding a spanner. The leprechaun pushed to dopplegang comverter into place under the helivan. The crystal comm device went into a recess above the converter. The leprechaun had originally been a garage owner in Coldstream. Unfortunately, as the garage operator he had made a major mistake. He had attempted to charge the trainee wizard for a tire repair on a motorbike.

His attempt had failed.

He had not been paid but he had been enchanted.

He was now a leprechaun. Or to be accurate, he believed at a molecular level that he was a leprechaun. Now he spoke: "May I ask a small favor? Boss, if you let me go home to my missus I will give you anything in my shop plus ten years profits."

The trainee wizard glowered. He spoke haughtily. "There is nothing that I want from your dingy little shop! You are my slave forever as a result of your cheek in demanding payment for a simple service! You are now aware that you should have asked me to graciously receive your gift offering of a lube! Well, you did not make a gift offering! You demanded money! Appalling! Get back to work!"

The trainee wizard brushed past the leprechaun and clambered up into the drivers seat.

The trolls, each carrying a heavy club studded with nails, had already clambered into the back of the machine and settled on the seats. The dopplegang canverter was now in place, powering the strange machine.

The overhead rotor and the propeller spun into life together.

Alone in the cockpit the trainee wizard reviewed his plans.

He would first shoot a paralyzing spell at the metal man while he was himself still safely in the air. The trainee wizard sJugg himself mentally

He should never worry because he was invincible!

He added: I am a Master Genius!

This invincible master genius then reviewed his plans. He would use a special spell. The metal man would be frozen solid and unable to move. He would stand like a horrible metal statue! He would be under the total command of an invincible master genius trainee wizard! With the mechanical rubbish out of the way the trainee wizard would land his helivan. The dwarves and elves would definitely still be entranced with the deep spell he had used previously. His trolls could then drag out the whole bunch and load them into the helivan, ready for transit to the dungeons! The train had returned to Homewood probably driven by the robot. The train itself could be left for future investigation.

The Master Genius would fly back home with his trophies.

It was a fine plan! Now, the invincible genius was ready! He switched on his intercom. His amplified voice blared out into the compartment behind. "Trolls! This is the moment you have been eagerly awaiting! You will be glorious in battle! Triumph awaits! You are under the command of a Master Genius!!!!"

The trolls roared approval.

The trainee wizard pushed back his rotor control and adjusted the throttle. The helivan began to rise. The machine leveled out at about five hundred feet and began to race north towards the waiting train. After a few minutes flying, the trainee wizard spotted a thin plume of smoke from the stationary engine. The helivan stopped its forward passage and hovered. The trainee wizard switched his intercom back on.

"Trolls! Enemy in Sight! Commence battle song!"

The excited trolls thumped the helivan floor and sang:

"Onward trollish army,

Trolls are off to war!

Into blood and battle,

That's what trolls adore!"

Inside the waiting train the doctor and the dwarves could hear the deep voices of the airborne corps de troll, along with the clatter of the helivan as it prepared to land. "It seems there is now much more than a mere rumor of war!" said the doctor cheerfully. "We may expect him and his cohorts to land outside quite soon. Once I have finished my excellent cup of tea I will greet him!"

CLEO suddenly spoke. "Our Central Power emergency equipment must be retrieved! I have a full inventory list. This renegade has filched many items.Lord Alaric has retrieved two hetero magnets and a long range fogger. But the criminal still has possession of a

crystal comm device, a weather control rod, a Dopplegang Converter and one primary weather control unit . We still have the master button for the weather control rod. The master button will focus the rain whoever uses the weather control rod!"

Dr Tung, "We must get all the Central Power gear back. I already have the button."

He gestured to the three dwarves. "You three blue boys! When the learner trainee wizard arrives you will have to creep up to his van. It looks vaguely like a helicopter. Get underneath the vehicle and you will find a dopplegang converter, a Central Power anti grav machine that looks like a flat box with flashing lights. It will take two of you to carry it back to this train. The other thing we want is a crystal comm device. It will be near the dopplegang converter. It looks like a round vase made of crystal. It also has flashing lights. One of you can carry that. Bring both objects back to the station and put them in the train. OK?"

The dwarves indicated assent.

### Chapter 8

Always take the high ground

The learner trainee wizard now landed his helivan in a clearing below Homewood station and on the shore of an adjacent river. This was not an entirely satisfactory situation. The trainee wizard would have preferred to occupy the high ground rather than look up to the train. However, since he had overwhelming force it hardly seemed to matter. He switched off the engine and ordered his trolls into position. The heli blades slowly stopped moving. Apart from the rushing sound of the river there was only silence in the area. Twenty trolls jumped from the helivan, cavorted around and then spread out across a field. The ground sloped away from the front of Homewood station. The trolls now stood facing the station, looking up to it as they waved clubs embedded with sharp nails. Further below, in the river, crocodiles circled, waiting for orders. Above, clouds formed a dark and dangerous sky. The trainee wizard climbed down from his cockpit and strode to a point just below the station.

He uttered a spell and then....

"Metal warrior!" he cried. "Kneel before your master!"

However, FIDO failed to appear.

Instead, a carriage door opened and Dr Tung stepped out.

"Good day, learner trainee wizard , formerly Alfred Garret, steam engine driver,retired. I am Dr Tung," said the Doctor. "I am a resident of MARS. I will be the doctor in charge of your recovery. I am here to escort you to the facility!"

The learner trainee wizard staggered as if hit by a savage blow.

"MARS?" he croaked. "A doctor from MARS? The Looney Bin for learner magicians? Surely there must be a mistake? I am no learner! I am the Master of a large and growing Empire! A follower of Chinese Guru Lao Sao Mao!"

"Alas, in my former incarnation, I was that very person," said Dr Tung. "Some five hundred years ago, I stumbled across an ancient book of spells. The book burst into flames after I had read it! I was obliged to rewrite the spells from a faulty memory. All my spells are useless! And my belief that follower of my system would ascend to heaven was mistaken. It is definitely not true! On my own demise I went directly to MARS and I was put in a strait jacket! I have recovered and I am now a consulting doctor! I must request that you accompany me to MARS and get treatment for your horrible malaise! You are a category two, learner trainee wizard."

"That is incredibly selfish and hardly fair!" cried the trainee wizard hotly. "I paid $16.50 for your book and now you tell me that the spells are faulty! In any event, I have no intention of going with you to MARS! How do I know you are authentic? You may be a fake! A fraud! Stay out of my affairs! I am not a learner! I am a full trainee wizard! I am here to reclaim two elves plus three dwarves and anything else valuable or useful. But most of all it is my intention to catch the metal man.Where is he?"

At this point, you might assume that FIDO would appear and shoot the trainee wizard with either a rocket or a machine gun. Or possibly an energy gun. Or a Mills bomb/

But such a response underestimates the subtle guile of Dr Tung.

"How dark the sky is!" said that worthy, glancing up at the clouds massed directly above. "It certainly looks like rain!"

He pointed at the sky.

The trainee wizard cackled hysterically.

"It certainly does! But these clouds will flush you back to MARS!

He pointed a metal staff and pressed a button.

Drenching torrents of water immediately poured onto one small area. It was a total, absolute inundation. The rain seemed to be a solid wall, a piped cataract. But this massive torrent poured down entirely upon the area occupied by the unfortunate trainee wizard and his trolls! There was a simultaneous flash of lightning and a loud clap of thunder. The upright section of the trainee wizard's hat vanished in a puff of orange smoke.

He was left wearing a tattered brim.

"It is vital to use stolen Central Power equipment properly," said Dr Tung. "In the case of making rain you must aim the raindrops at the area which needs watering using the director tube which I am holding. If you have now finished using Tthe stolen item , it will now be returned to the rightful owners."

He pressed a button on the director tube. The metal staff was wrenched from the trainee wizards hand and literally flew across to the train. It dived through an open door and rejoined the other itemsstaffs under a seat.

"Weather control inventory restored,' said CLEO."Please return the director tube when you return to the train."

The trainee wizard was now wearing the scorched brim of hie conical hat. What remained of his hair showed through, making a kind of furry top. His trolls had been frightened and dismayed by this display of elemental force. As a result, all the doppelganger generated trolls had vanished. They had, in a sense, died of fright, although they had never actually been alive. The trainee wizard was left with only his original trolls. They were all demoralized by the locally inclement weather and stood shivering. But the trainee wizard still had his helivan and he still had his marine reserve of crocodiles. Plus the powerful ring Volcano.

That ring was now excited. It was pulsating with radiant heat so that steam rose from the pocket where it was kept. Dr Tung looked calmly down at the sodden trainee wizard. "All the spells are faulty," he said. "They have all failed miserably many times for hopefuls such as yourself.! Would you not prefer a nice strait jacket and a bed in Ward Five on MARS? Recovery is unpleasant but... Iif you give up retire now you will earn a discounted sentence."

The trainee wizard seemed to be thinking about this warning He removed the remains of his hat and laid his cloak on the fence to dry. With some effort he pulled off his long boots, drainedsJugg out a stream of brackish water and set them to dry.

He was now dressed in wet longjohns.

Dr Tung stood patiently watching,

The trainee wizard finally spoke through chattering teeth.

"Oh, m-m-m-master of evil!" he said. "Oh, h-h-h- horrid denizen of MARS! I am n-n-n- not to be moved by your cajolery! My course is set by myself, the highest force of all! I will now p-p-p-p-place a pentagram around you so that you cannot move! I will then take you captive. You will be kept in my deepest dungeon! You will rave and moan in the dark! You will survive in the meanest conditions, without f-f-f-food or water. Finally you will become a pile of bleached bones!"

He waved his hands in a peculiar gesture....

Dr Tung seemed totally unconcerned by the trainee wizard's mad tirade. He walked forward to the fence separating the railway from the meadow below. "So much for your pentagram!" he said. "I move freely! Another load of rubbish!"

He addressed the trolls. "Trolls! You are being kept in captivity by this evil hypnotist. Each of you had a noble position as a ticket inspector working for Vicrail. Your honorable task was to detain passengers attempting to cheat the government by travelling without a ticket! You are sorely missed! Ticket dodgers are currently running rampant ! I will now utter the Unbinding Spell so that each of you will be restored to your former self. Sllo.."

"No! No! No!" cried the trainee wizard in horror. "They are my trolls! They will be rewarded for outstanding courage in battle by enjoying a huge feed of mince pies after I win! Trolls! Ignore this charlatan! Sing your battle anthem!"

The leading troll began swinging his club singing:

"Onward trollish army,

Trolls all go to war."

But none of the other trolls joined in.

They were all staringing at Dr Tung.

He was again attempted to utter the unbinding spell: "Sllo.." The trainee wizard drowned him out by using his megaphone "TROLLS! Kill for the love of killing!" he screamed. But only the leading troll sStarted to move up hill towards the doctor.

Dr Tung raised one hand.

"Sllort!" he shouted, thus reversing the original spell.

Immediately the trolls changed back into human form,. The troll clothes were then peeled off revealing a group of sodden ticket inspectors wearing the black uniforms of that honourable craft. "Gentlemen!" cried Dr Tung. "You have been cruelly misused.Walk across the hill until your reach a gate. File through the gate and cross the railway line. Walk about one quarter of a mile down a pathway and you will reach a main road. After waiting for 22 minutes you will be able to catch a bus to Lilydale. Leave the bus windows open while you travel! Have a hot shower using a strong deodarant soap as soon as you get home!"

The men then walked across the hillside, crossed the railway line and vanished down an overgrown pathway. The trainee wizard was now literally gnashing his teeth! "How dare you steal my trolls!" he shoutedaid.. "I have hesitated to absolutely humiliate you, but now you leave me no choice!"

He pulled the glowing red stone Volcano from his pocket and waved it at the doctor.

He immediately began to intone:

"Under my command you are,

Whether near or gone afar,

Pretty dreamer, do not weep,

Leave your troubles, go to sleep!"

On the final line he waved his hand in a gesture of finality.

Dr Tung was entirely unaffected.

He had one hand in his own pocket.

He removed his hand suddenly to display a glowing blue stone.

"Behold your nemesis, Alfred Garret!" cried the Doctor. "It is the Great Ruling Stone Ocean! Pray tell me which is the mightiest? Volcano, of the earth or Ocean, ruler of the sea and all it surrounds!"

The two men stood motionless as the blazing stones seemed to focus on each other. Torrents of wild energy spurted from Volcano. They were immediately sucked into the Ocean stone and vanished without trace. Volcano crackled and spat, growing hotter and hotter until the trainee wizard gave a howl of pain and dropped the stone. It rolled down the steep ground and fell into the river.

There was a flash of brilliant light and a booming explosion.

Volcano vanished in a vast cloud of steam

Inside the railway coach Jake and Alaric woke from their trance.

In the meadow below there was growing despair.

"Great Volcano is destroyed!" cried the trainee wizard. "My treasure from the Central Power cache has gone! And I have been sorely misled by that rotten book! But I still have my dear, dear crocodiles! Crocs! Leap the fence and attack Dr Tung!"

However, the crocs were no longer under his sway. With the demise of Volcano they had immediately fallen under the rule of Ocean, the stone held by Dr Tung. The crocs now recognized Dr Tung as The Master.

With this change in control, the trainee wizard had become a mere mortal to the crocs. He was now viewed as a tasty snack,well within range. The crocodiles formed a half circle around the trainee wizard. At first he continued to delude himself. He believed the monsters were still his subjects. Only when a croc leapt at him with its massive jaws wide open did the message finally sink home. The trainee wizard gave a howl of absolute terror. He jumped backwards, straight over the high fence and onto the safety of the platform. It was a most remarkable jump, executed backwards without a run up. It may well be an all time Olympic record although, of course, it was not part of a formal event.

The crocs were not impressed by the jump. They were merely frustrated. They surged forward angrily. Dr Tung waved one hand and the crocs retreated, crawling down to the river. The doctor put the Ocean stone back into his pocket, where it continued to emit a blue glow through the fabric.

Now the three dwarves returned from the helivan. Two were carrying the flat, pulsating box. Little Sam was toting a circular disc. They vanished into the carriage and CLEO said: "Inventory restored!"

"So!" said Dr Tung, sternly. "Here you are, Alfred Garret, failed trainee wizard! I trust you are now ready for treatment!"

The trainee wizard fell on his knees and began to babble. "Have mercy on a poor student, illustrious master, Dr Tung. It was your book which set me on a life of evil wizardry! I was a top link steam engine driver made redundant. It was a foul and bitter blow!"

"I might have mercy on a poverty stricken former top steam engine driver!" said Dr Tung. "I might even find it in my heart to excuse you and blame myself as the actual author of that accursed book. But you enslaved many people! You owned a fortified castle! You have never paid council rates or library fines! But now you are undone! At this very moment, your powers are fading! Because you have lost the items you stole from this train the PEA is rapidly contracting! And even your transport is returning to its birthplace in the nether realms!"

He indicated the helivan, parked between the river and the station.

The helivan had already begun to fall apart. First, the overhead rotor sagged as if the steel was melting. Eventually, the rotor hung limply downwards and began to drip. The melt formed a shiny puddle. Next, the propeller and shaft began to disintegrate. Various sections split apart in a matter of seconds Finally, all that remained of the van was a pile of sad debris. Then, even that vanished, swallowed by the hungry earth.

Dr Tung continued his address to Alfred Garret.

"I see you used the dopplegang converter to power your strange van," said Dr Tung. "I assume you stole it with other items from the Central Power emergency packs?"

"No! I exchanged it for baccy," said the trainee wizard! ." Excanged! A fair and honest trade!"

"Fair and honest?" said Dr Tung. "Priceless alien equipment for a few bags of tobacco which may eventually give the users lung cancer?"

There was a pregnant pause.

Then Dr Tung continued: "However, Driver Garret you have had some good karma today," he said. "For example, you have avoided a fight with robot FIDO! I will now call him forth and ask him to demonstrate what he had in store for you. FIDO! Come out and discharge your weapon."

A carriage door opened and FIDO stepped onto the platform. The robot had a Mark Six Devastator loaded into a launcher protruding from his chest. He casually aimed the missile at a large outcropping of granite some distance from the station. With a blast of smoke and flame the rocket ignited. It flew across the river valley leaving a plume of exhaust. The Devastator impacted with a massive explosion.

The huge rock shattered and dammed the river.

The water immediately began to rise.

"If all else failed in terms of my plan, that would have been aimed at your flying machine!" said Dr Tung. "That was my fail safe!"

"Alas for me!" cried the trainee wizard, "All my works are in ruin! I have escaped the savage death demonstrated, but now I am doomed to go to MARS! Doomed by the very man who misled me with his book of second rate, inaccurate, magical rubbish!"

He began weeping bitterly. "If only Victorian Railways had stayed with steam! As a top link driver on the Southern Majestic I had the finest record in the business. I was a happy fellow until that dreadful day when I was retrenched! Sacked on two weeks notice after twenty five years of faithful service! It laid the seeds of rank bitterness. It made me very ready to use magic! Ready to steal alien equipment! Ready to steal and lie and covet! To be horribly selfish and self centered! Yes I confess! I confess! I confess to stealingSteal priceless alien gear for a few packs of tobacco in the full knowledge that the trade was biased and unfair!! And even the tobacco was whjich was also stolen from the Lilydale pub! I am triply guilty of crimes against elves, dwarves and my fellow human kind!. I am broken!"

He sobbed bitterly.""

Dr Tung reflected on thesehis words.

"But it is true that you were undone by a fake book about magic. A fake book whose author has already been punished, as I can personally attest! And much of your former life was good," said the doctor. "You were and are a brilliant driver! Your termination on two weeks notice was an undeserved and savage blow for a man once considered to be one of the finest steam engine drivers in all Australia."

"Can that be taken into account?" cried Alfred Garret.

"It must and will be taken into account. And I note that all your magical captives have now returned to normal life and are unscathed," said Dr Tung. "The former trolls are aboard a bus returning to Melbourne. Your enslaved mechanic has gone back to his garage. Your enraptured centaur has returned to his riding school. Your many entranced servants have all returned to conventional states. Many of them actually enjoyed the experience of working for you, rather than slaving away paying taxes! When all these factors are taken into account there may yet be one chance. A slender chance for you to minimize the horror of the anti magic therapy you must undergo on MARS, Alfred Garret!"

"A chance!" cried Alfred Garret, "What is that chance!"

"You must hope and pray that the people travelling in this carriage will forgive you. Should they do so you will get the chance to drive the steam engine Spitfire and assist them in their great Quest!"

He waved his hand at the steam engine, gently blowing off steam at the head of the train. Alfred Garrett caught his breath! A chance to drive a classic steam namer! And possibly the rarest steam engine ever seen in Victoria! In fact, definitely the rarest engine never before seen in Victoria! A chance to help in a monumental Quest!

Jake, Alaric and the dwarves now appeared at a carriage door and climbed down onto the platform. Five beings? Who were the other two? But surely five would be enough? Alfred Garret looked at the elves and dwarves he had hypnotized. He had hoped to ransom the fat elf who was supposed to be elvish royalty. How could he expect forgiveness?

He was attempting to prepare some kind of sobbing, pleading address when Dr Tung spoke. "Wizardry is a strange and unusual profession," said the Doctor, "But there are a few, a very few occasions when an individual's descent into the use of hypnotism and attempted magic can be partially excused. The case of the man standing before you, Steam Engine Top Link Driver Alfred T Garrett (retired) is one such example. As a trainee wizard he has entranced many good citizens to serve his own evil ends. On the other hand, as a top link steam engine driver he delivered thousands of passengers to their destination! He drove his mighty engine through rain and , through fog and snow, through thunder and lightening. He froze at his controls! He thundered on! Often he was given poor quality coal! Often, even his nose froze solid under the impact of biting cold weather! At other times he roasted under the savage heat of the sun and the blasting fury of a white hot coal fire. He had almost impossible schedules to keep. He stands before you now as a man who bitterly regrets his recent career! He now desires to atone by working without pay as your steam engine driver. As the one who might be deemed somewhat responsible for his demise into his current lamentable state I ask you grant him a short extension of his time on this earth. He will be obliged to return with me to MARS for treatment! But in the meantime, he will stand before you when danger threatens! He will be true your cause! You must now vote," said Dr Tung.

"All in favor?"

Alaric and the three dwarves all said Aye!

Jake then spoke.

"I say Nay! Because I am the driver," he said. "I am a trained driver who has passed his exam! I like driving! We do not require another driver!"

"Right now that is true," said Dr Tung. "But my scanty knowledge of your future indicates that you may need the services of a Top Link Driver in the future.."

"Oh, very well," said Jake. "He can drive the train while I finish eating. I am ving! I am so hungry that I may explire (expire) at any moment. I have not eaten a full,decent, filling meal since hundreds of years ago! It is cramanal (criminal) to ve a young growing person like me!"

He climbed back into the carriage.

The elf, dwarves and Dr Tung followed him and climbed up into the carriage.

Driver Garret now accompanied FIDO to the locomotive. The robot adjusted the heating bar to full output and then returned to the carriage. Soon the engine was hissing steam and the train began to move back towards Yea.

Spitfire was now under the sure hands of a great driver. Inside the coach the passengers were eating the meal laid out previously by FIDO.

Jake was still complaining about his state of hunger, while stuffing himself with all available food. CLEO's voice suddenly sounded.

"Alert! Current radio message being sent from UFO H.Q.

An excited male voice spoke: ".. major explosion near Homewood station was picked up by Sat Com.. photos show we have found athe ghost train!! Vicrail have no record of any train on the line. The railway is classified as closed. The train appears to consist of a steamn engine plus a single carriage It is now on the move proceeding towards Yea. Iintercept at Yea station in thirty minutes...Full authority to use lethal force!"

The transmission ended.

Apart from the regular de dum de dum of wheels pounding over steel tracks, there was total silence in the carriage.

Then Grumpy pulled out his knife and balanced it on one blue finger.

"I will also use lethal force!" he said. "I intend to take several of them with me!"

"Resisting force with force is not an optimum solution," said Dr Tung. "I remind you that the soldiers are armed with superior weapons. Knives against lasers and rifles is hardly an equal fight! Subterfuge is far more practical."

He spoke into a mobile phone: "Driver Garret! Increase speed to arrive at Year in 1520 minutes!"

Speed picked up rapidly.

The coach began to rock alarmingly.

They steamed on towards Yea.

The Mansfield railway runs inside a valley and Aas they approached a short uphill section leading into Yea station, they sawnoticed an Army road/rail/water vehicle already standing in the stationat the platform.

FIDO studied the vehiclerail car with telescopic eyes.

"It is not occupied," he said, "

"Well, well, well!" said Dr Tung, "The rail car is unattended! The crew are probably all in the public house! We can back in, JakeJugg it up to the rear of the coach and take off! That should give the Colonel something to put in his memoirs. CLEO, what is the description at of that vehicle parked in the station?"

CLEO:"It is a diesel APRT or Army Platoon Railway Transporter. It can be converted into a mobile barracks. It contains a portaloo, along with washing and cooking facilities. It can be used as a boat. It carries emergency rations."

Dr Tung: "Just what we need. Let's get it!"

They backed up to Yea station, still using the I/I device to remain invisible. On arrival , Little Sam crawled under the coach and attached the Army vehicle to the train. Unfortunately, he was carrrying the card pack and dropped another of the Stuff It cards onto the track.

It lay unnoticed as the blue dwarf fixed the rail car to the coach,

Grumpy now addressed Jake: "Oh Endlessness," he said. "I understand that you are the top geezer in charge of Central Power.Why not grant us lads a boon! G and give us our freedom! We can go in the tunnel to Chirnside Park and get on the Multiverse Express and go home!"

Jake said nothing.

"Your freedom!" said Alaric. "What have you done to get a boons!? You are convicts! What have you done to deserve freedom?"

The three dwarves now spoke together and listed ;

  1. Building the tunnel to help you escape from Prison

  2. Alerting you when his Endlessness went sleepwalking

  3. Watering the steam engine at persoanal risk

  4. And helping to steal an Army car and risk being shot!

"It sounds like a plausable case," said Dr Tung "Why not give them a boon and let them go home?"

"Plausible reasons? They have actually listed only three iimplausible reasons," said Alaric. "The first implausible reason was totally untrue. They were attempting to escape and we merely used a tunnel they had built. For that purpose and saying rude things about the Royal House!The second reason is doubtful as I was already wide awake. The third was obviously their job since they had done nothing at all except smoke, eat, drink and play cards. The and the fourth reason is just Dwarvish bulldust! Well, Your Majesty! What is your Royal decision on this matter?"

Jake had no idea what to say so he replied: "Ask CLEO!"

CLEO then said "The only way they can get their freedom is by being knighted! They could become Knights of the Oblong Table by Royal decree. That would give them their freedom. But who can knight them? Not Jake as he is an escaping prisoner! ! He needs treatment! Not Alaric as he does not have the rank. Not the Earthmen as they are but savages. just visitors Not me as I am a computer. Who is left?"

"I am left! I will knight them!" said FIDO suddenly.

He produced his sword.

"Kneel!"

All three dwarves knelt.

'By the authority of the Royal House I pronouce you knights of the Oblong Table,' he said, touching each dwarf in turn with the sword tip.

A blue light now shone on each forehead.

"It must be your royal power going through him," said Alaric to Jake. "He is your robot!" He added glumly:: "But tThere is no use in them going to Chirnside Park anyway. The Expresso station has probably imploded!"

"Not for us!" said Grumpy."You used a protective screen! We can still use the Multiverse Railway unimplode it to carry us despite the Force Screen.three workers. We would take you all but it will only work for the three of us. Code RedFive: Workers Emergency Retreat. When we get to Central Power we will see what we can do to help you!"

The three dwarves collected their tools and stepped out of the carriage.

They used some kind of device, shining a yellow light at one side of the track .

The entrance to a tunnel then appeared.

The dwarves walked inside.

The tunnel entrance disappeared.

Jake and Alaric helped FIDO load all the alien equipment onto the AAPTWith three minutes to spare, t

The steam train, towing the APRT, departed, heading towards Mansfield.

### Chapter 9

Arrival of the UFO Group

Exactly threeFive minutes later the main body of the UFO Division arrived at Yea station. A in a convoy of jeeps. The column screeched to a halt. Heavily armed troops wearing the "flying saucer" insignia of the UFO Group streamed out from the vehicles. They and swarmed into the rail yard. It would be an error to assume that these troops were weekend pretend soldiers. They were, in fact highly trained, tough, battle hardened and efficient.

Once the troops were in position there was absolutely no prospect of any escape.

. There was a clatter of blades as a UFO Division helicopter began circling overhead.

Colonel Viljoen spoke to the pilot via a throat microphone.

"Eagle One! Arm your weapons!" he snapped.

"Wilco, weapons armed," came a voice over the radio.

Sergeant Sarah now detailed five men to search the station. Using portable Crackerjacks the team smashed down a number of doors and two walls (an action which drew a bill for $280,000, sent to the federalVictorian Government by VicRail.)

The heavy old wooden doors splintered under the impacts, crumpling away, leaving only rusty hinges and an equally rusted lock on the facing side. The troops entered with guns cocked. They began searching the gloomy, dusty interior using powerful lamps. They found nothing except the contents of an old, worn Victoria Rail station masters desk. The desk was covered in dust but contained a pile of yellowing posters. The posters advertised: "An exciting weekend rail trip to Geelong." Otherwise, there was no sign of anything in the booking office. The search team duly moved on, smashing a series of doors. But all the station buildings were also totally disused and failed to show any sign of alien fugitives.

He was interrupted by a soldier who came in and saluted.

"No sign of anything in the station buildings, sir. The whole place was abandoned many years ago. We are now doing a sweep of the surrounding area." he said.

Colonel Viljoen pulled out his mobile phone and dialed.

The phone rang once and was instantly connected.

"Colonel Viljoen here, General. We've searched the station thoroughly. No sign of the ghost train. False alarm! I am going to Chirnside Park and leaving a squad here in case something turns up."

Colonel Viljoen put the cell phone back into his pocket.

Then he spotted athe Stuff It! playing card lying partly hidden under the seaton the track. He stretched down and picked up the card. He glanced at it then stuffed itthe card into his pocket and called his driver. "Back to Chirnside Park."

Before leaving he called Sergeant Sarah and said: "I'm leaving you in charge, Sergeant. Any sign of the aliens bads, start shooting."

He left in a swirl of dust.

Sgt Sarah placed four soldiers in guard positions on the platform. Other soldiers set up rocket launchers as ordered. Once the Colonel was out of sight, Sgt Sarah wandered across to a small takeaway bar. He returned to the station with a large packet of chips. Several soldiers pulled out pocket radios They began munching chips listening to the commentary of a football match being held in Melbourne.

### Chapter 10

No hiding place!

Inside the train conversation was impossible with the I/I device on. Then Dr Tung switched it off and sound returned. But now the roaring wind, the bellowing of the steam engine and the screech of wheels on the rusty track made conversation extremely difficult. The rail tracks were badly worn and not in alignment. This caused the vehicle to rock and sway like an enraged animal. This violent bucking made even staying aboard difficult. In fact, at speed there was the definite possibility of suddenly being thrown out over the side. Yet Dr Tung did not appear to be at all concerned about their frantic and dangerous speed.

He shouted into Jake's ear, asking for the railway line map.

It had been hidden in Jake's pack.

Hanging on to a door strap, Jake retrieved the map and handed it to Dr Tung.

The doctor carefully inspected a small section of the map.

"We must find somewhere to hide," he shouted.

"Impossible!" Jake yelled back. "There is no place to hide on a railway line! We are completely exposed! In any case, we will soon be derailed and killed when we hit points. The driver is a speed maniac! I am a fully qualified engine driver and know these things!"

"Cheer up! shouted the doctor. "This map shows two sidings between Molesworth and Cathkin. They both have large sheds. They will hide our vehicles!"

Dr Tung shouted to Driver Garret. "Begin slowing after milepost 90. We will investigate a possible hiding place somewhere beyond."

"Wilco!" shouted Driver Garret.

The two coupled vehicles raced on. Shortly, they began slowing as they passed a derelict station. Soon they were rolling along quite sedately as they neared a junction. A siding ran to the left. It led into a shed made from corrugated iron. The shed had numerous holes in the roof and it was streaked with rust.

A few old trucks were rotting away in the siding.

They stopped,.Dr Tung studied the shed and siding.

"Good!" he said, apparently satisfied.

"Move on!" he said. "Down the line you will see another junction. Stop again."

With Driver Garret controlling the train, they rolled slowly over the rusted track, passing a line of old coaches standing derelict. Eventually they reached a second junction and Driver Garret brought them to a stand.

The new junction was a carbon copy of the first.

The doctor appeared to reach a decision. He pointed to the shed.

"FIDO!" he said. "Oil the points ahead of the train and pull them so that we can travel into the junction. Then, enter the Enter that shed and set up four machine guns! Aim each gun out of a window. Put a full clip in each gun and rig to auto fire under radio control."

The robot picked up a pack and immediately left his seat at the rear or the vehicle. He oiled the points before pulling them over, then walked up the line to the shed and vanished inside.

Doctor Tung spoke to Drive Garret.: "Move forward to the shed. Pick up FIDO when he is reappearsready. Reverse onto the main line." he said. "Return to the first junction. We'll get under cover there."

They shunted down the siding. At the entrance to the shed, FIDO appeared and climbed aboard. They reversed onto the main line. FIDO climbed out and switched the points back before climbing back inside in his usual athletic manner. They reversed to a position ahead of the first set of points. FIDO again climbed out and oiled the points before throwing them. They proceeded into the shed.

FIDO now turned off the firebar and the steam train slowly cooled,

Shortly, FIDO came out of the shed and placed the I/I device about half way down the rail yard. He switched the device on. The track into the shed suddenly vanished.. The robot then pulled the points on the main line back to the straight ahead position. Finally, he returned to the rail trolley parked inside the shed.

### Chapter 11

Two matching cards....

While the escapees were busy, Colonel Viljoen was close to his destination.

The UFO Research Dept was now in charge of the investigation. They would have liked nothing better than to pull the oak tree out by its roots. The tree could then be carted back to Darwin for investigation. However, this was impossible due to the Greens who had arrived once the alien contact had been broadcast.. The investigation re Alien Occupation Underof Oak Tree was thus being held on site in situ.

A mobile tent had been set up beside the tree.

A sign announced: "GAS MAINS LEAK. STAY CLEAR."

Colonel Viljoen arrived. His jeep screeched to a stop.

The Colonel walked inside a tent which had been erected close to the oak tree. The troopers trapped inside the alien object stood frozen inside a glass like column. Col Viljoen looked at them somberly then He greeted the chief scientist of the UFO Group, Dr Sebastian Doddles. Unfortunately, that worthy boffin was unable to report a breakthrough. "We have been unable to penetrate a strange alien barrier inside the tree," he said. "We have used every available type of device but we can't get in!"

He indicated what looked like the outline of a small door incised in the trunk of the tree. "We believe this is the entry to an alien staircase."

Colonel Viljoen: "That is correct. An alien stood right there! He summoned a robot who shot our men. They closed a door and vanished down below.""

He looked sadly at the strange transparent artifact standing in the garden. It was holding four trooper in stasis. He continued: "We have been unable to corner the aliens! We have seen them but...they are armed with incredible weapons! A number ofTwelve crewmen have now been rendered permanently unfit for duty!"

Dr Doddle: "I see! Colonel! Would you recount the events which lead to these unfortunate losses?"

"Certainly! The UFO Group was alerted by a phone call from the resident of this house. We were investiagating when a massive hole opened over there..." he waved at the open golf course.."and a saucer flew into the hole, which than closed! Later, an alien appeared and a robot joined him. They shot these four unfortunate men! Both vanished and radar then spotted movement on some kind of underground railway. We used a chopper to track something moving at high speed underground. It stopped at by an alert near the Yea railway station. When our ground patrol vehicle arrived at that site they reported severalan aliens. Video showed a young boy with big ears and some kind of Star Wars sword! Then one The alien attacked the patrol vehicle with what appeared to be his an alien sword. He melted the laser gun, stripped off all the paint and left the crew mad and unfit for duty! Then the alien vanished. The railway line had been doctored to hide the fact that the aliens were using ground transport, some kind of railway vehicle, We sent another crew up the line to investigate. There was one report: alien in sight! Then there was some kind of incident and the vehicle travelled out of control,stripped of paint, glowing purple with the crew totally mad. It was finally stopped at Flinders Street after travelling at least 100 k. There was one other incident in which a train waiting at Lilydale station

Suddenly it apparently acquired two figures sitting in a locked rear carriage. The police broke in at Ringwood and shot the two figures. They turned out to be inflatable dummies. We thought recently that we had spotted the alien train via a satellite image but the train never arrived at Yea station. There is now no physical trace of the aliens."

"No physical trace??? That is not quite true, Colonel!" said Dr Doddle. "They left us an alien calling card! A card made of unknown materials!"

He produced the card dropped by Jake.Alaric at the site of the Underground Prison Complex.

Colonel Viljoen looked at the card as realization dawned.

"A calling card just like this, Dr Doddle!" he said, producing a matching card from his breast pocket. "They have not vanished! The aliens must be hiding somewhere on the Mansfield railway line! Somewhere near Yea!"

He raced back to his jeep and pulled out his mobile phone as the vehicle screeched away. He dialed a number which was answered after a short delay.

Colonel Viljoen: "Sergeant Sarah! This is Viljoen! Report!"

"Sir! We had a call from HQ about a rail car. They said a crew had left a railcar at this station.There is no car here! The crew are all blind drunk! The rail vehicle has gone. It has vanished!"

Colonel Viljoen: "Gone, Sergeant, I left you and a full platoon of men on guard. What have you been doing? Drinking in the pub?"

Sergeant Sarah: "No, sir! The delivery crew have been drinking at the pub!""

Colonel Viljoen: "The delivery crew! Arrest them immediately! I am on my way! Viljoen out!"

Colonel Viljoen sat in his jeep fuming as his vehicle proceeded towards Yea at breakneck speed. The aliens had almost certainly used some kind of device to steal the rail vehicle! And...as the officer in charge, he would face a courts martial! Suddenly he had a brighter thought.

The aliens were trapped! They were now attempting to escape in a rail vehicle

Probably to a rendezvous with a mother ship.... But now he knew the aliens could make their vehicle it vanish. They had some kind of device. But they could not make it progress without rails to run on! It would not run overland! The vehicle had no road wheels so they could not go off the track!!! The aliens must either turn back or go on to Mansfield. They were trapped!"

Colonel Viljoen dialed a new number. "Corporal Barry! This is Colonel Viljoen. Send a spare troop carrier to Yea at the double! Then send a detail to set up an ambush at Cheviot station on the Mansfield line! Remove the rails! Set up explosives around the ambush site."

"Yes, sir!" said Corporal Barry.

Colonel Viljoen studied his rail map and then phoned Cpl Barry again. "Send half your troops to Yarck, further east on the same line. Set up a second interception. Find a site where a derailment will do maximum damage!. Place explosives around the site! The aliens may double back down the line.They are invisible. We must ensure they are blown to bits!"

Corporal Barry: "Did you say that they are invisible, Sir?"

Colonel Viljoen: "Yes! That is what I said, Corporal. They are invisible and inaudible. They have some kind of alien device. They've left Yea station right under our (expletive deleted) noses. I will proceed up the line towards Mansfield using the troop carrier. The aliens are probably fleeing towards Mansfield but I want to cut the line in both directions in case they double back. I intend to flush them out. Stand by for action!"

Corporal Barry: "Yes, sir!"

The conversation was recorded by CLEO.

The Colonel headed back to Yea, telling his driver to move like a bat out of hell

Authors note: Police records reveal that cameras actually photographed a speeding vehicle at a number of points along the road to Yea. In theory, Colonel Viljoen's driver should have lost his license, accrued 23,642 demerit points and faced a long term in prison! Yet no arrest has ever been made. And according to government records, a vehicle with the number plate UFO 1 does not exist.

### Chapter 12

A cup of Elvish tea

Inside the railway shed the companions waited anxiously for events to unfold. The robot now made four cups of Elvish brew.

Soon, they were all sipping that marvelous drink.

Spirits rapidly lifted.

CLEO was scanning all frequencies and immediately played Colonel Viljoen's phone calls over her loudspeaker. After listening to the Colonel instructing his NCO to lift the rail lines ahead of them and behind them, Dr Tung said: "So! The Colonel has discovered that we have borrowed his rail vehicle! He has lifted the rails behind us and ahead of us! What can be done?"

Jake: "We can fly! CLEO! Do you have any air transport?"

"Through your own negligent attitude you are not qualified to fly anything !" said the computer. "I refuse to release expensive hardware to an untrained pilot!"

"What about FIDO? He can be the pilot!" said Jake.

"I will not risk hardware because you did not study!" said CLEO.

The computer appeared to have no comprehension of their desperate situation! They were in extreme danger!

Pursued by an army with orders to kill!

"You are a stupid piece of junk!" shouted Jake.

"Loss of temper indicates loss of cool," said Dr Tung. "We should not lose our cool by getting over heated!"

He indicated the railway map spread out on his knees.

"Colonel Viljoen is a skilled military commander. He has not left matters to chance. We must bluff our way out! FIDO! What armaments do you carry?"

FIDO: "I have been resupplied. I now have 10 Bren guns, five 10lb morters and five 20lb morters plus two ground to ground missiles and two ground to air missiles. I am fully prepared to liquidate a regiment or even a division!"

Jake listened with awe. His friendly fellow spotter was armed to the hilt and ready to kill!

Dr Tung: "Good! Take that device Alaric is carrying and put it outside this shed on the rail line. Switch it on. Then move about one kilometer up the line to the next shed. Set up the Brens facing the railway, aim at the far bank.Site the guns and the morters to fire over the railway and into a field behind. Aim the ground to ground missiles the same way.Wait for instructions before firing. Go!"

The robot hesitated. "Fire over?" he said. "But they have orders to kill us! Why not kill them and solve the problem?"

Dr Tung: " Because future visitors to this planet would not like to be shot to bits! That would be the certain result if you shoot these soldiers! Carry out my orders!"

The robot streaked out of the shed. In a blur of motion the I/I device was placed outside the shed door and a section of line abruptly vanished.

The robot then disappeared in the direction of Mansfield,

After about 15 minutes they suddenly heard the chug of a motorized trolley. Colonel Viljoen and his troops had arrived. They were inspecting the railway line as they traveled. At the first junction, Sergeant Sarah was in the leading seat. He noticed that the both rails ahead and the rails leading into the junction showed the marks of passage.

The trolley screeched to a halt.

"Colonel, the track up this spur line has been used! The track going up the main line has also been used," said Sergeant Sarah. "Which way should we search?"

"Search this spur first, Sergeant," said the voice of Colonel Viljoen. "The aliens probably ran up the main track for a short way to distract us. They hoped we wouldn't notice they had turned off. They may be hiding in that shed over there! You, blackfeller! Get out and earn your pay! See if there is any movement. Keep black head down. They have bad gun!"

The Aboriginal tracker hesitated and then jumped out. He moved towards the shed, sliding forward on his sJakeach, crablike. He had gone a few yards when he suddenly grinned and then shouted:

"Line in front of shed lifted! There is no line. They musta came this way, discovered there was no track, and reversed back down the line."

Colonel Viljoen. "Get back in and we'll carry on! Sergeant, put that tracker on a charge. He is not wearing a name tab and he has no beret or regulation socks and boots!"

Sgt Sarah "Yes,Sir! But just in case the aliens are playing some kind of trick I'll give the shed 50 rounds. With your permission, Sir?"

Col Viljoen: "Alright,Sergeant! We can all have go! Get the guns warmed up! Everybody out! Twenty rounds from each man, aiming at an invisible transporter inside that shed!" The troops debouched and lined up.

With exception of the unarmed tracker, the entire party opened up, aiming at various levels of the wooden shed. Bullets thudded into the rail vehicle after passing through the old wooden wall of the shed, However,several layers of bullet proof materials protected the fugitives crouching inside the Army vehicle.

The coach shuddered under the impact of a veritable rain of lead.

"Cease firing!"

The racket stopped.

Colonel Viljoen: "Well, if they were in there we have filled them full of holes! However, its much more likely that the aliens have gone on down the line. If we get moving we might even catch them! Safeties on! Return to the vehicle on the double!"

There was another series of clicks and the men ran back to the rail vehicle. It reversed over the points and proceeded down the line.

Dr Tung began counting out loud, on a measured beat.

He continued counting down slowly until he reached one hundred then. "CLEO! FIDO is to fire 50 rounds from the north window!"

They heard a gun open up.

It was followed by a series of alarmed shouts.

"CLEO! FIDO is to wait five seconds then fire 20 rounds from each gun in a random sequence! Then fire two ground to ground missiles!Wait 20 seconds! Then repeat!"

Gun fire now sounded. The brisk chatter of the guns controlled by FIDO was suddenly augmented as the troops opened fire.

Then successive massive rocket blasts rent the air.

The distant chatter of weapons continued.

### Chapter 13

He must see us all

Dr Tung was considering a plan as he said:"Assuming they see this train leave will the soldiers simply give chase? Can the rail trolley then continue down the line without trouble?" He considered the matter.

"No! This colonel is a careful man! Once the firing stops he will look into the shed, find nothing except the guns. He will then send troops to check this place! Therefore he must see the elves and the robot leave with the rest of us! He must see us all go! The railcar must leave with the steam train!. But how? We have no other transport...."

"Sir!" piped CLEO. "There is a 280 h.p. Walker Railmotor at the back of this shed. It has travelled 400,000 miles but the log book, which is shown on a computer historical record, says it was retired intact and running on Fri 18th August 1951. It is fully fuelled with diesel oil. Would that surfice for future needs?"

"It certainly will suffice! In fact, it must! Some oil, perhaps a tune up from FIDO....yes!! We must begin!You two." he pointed at Alaric and Jake. "Transfer food and drink from the railcar and put it inside the rail motor. Get as much food and drink as you can move in 10 minutes! And take FIDO's cooker as well. The food and drink may have to last you a while. Take all the Central Power stuff as well."

Jake and Alaric immediately began offloading cartons of food and drink from the railcar. CLEO was hidden and various items of Central Power gear were loaded onto the railmotor.

Dr Tung continued: "Driver Garret. Remove that alien device from the firebasr and put it with the other gear in Walker Railmotor,"

As Driver Garret hastened to comply Dr Tung continued: "CLEO! Radio the soldiers lifting the line at Cheviot. Use the Colonels voice. Tell them we have caught the aliens! They are to put the rails back. The squad will get 14 days leave to celebrate! They can depart as soon as the rails are back. Contact the soldiers working Yarck and give them the same message! Fourteen days special leave once they reconnect the the line! Finally, tell the soldiers at Yea to head back to barracks! In three minutes, tell FIDO to fire six morter rounds at 3 second intervals. The mortars should be aimed to fire into the gronnd in front of the soldiers. There are to be no casualties! I will have the I/I device. On my signal, FIDO is to fire all mortars. The train will appear and he is to run over and get on." There was a sudden whistling noise in the distance."Incoming!"A huge explosion followed. Small arms fire continued, now augmented by the incessant chatter of a machine gun. Three seconds later there was another massive bang. Dr Tung addressed Alaric and Jake;

"Well, gentlemen, it is time to part. We will take the Army in the wrong direction and leave you two with a clear run east.I trust you will find this railway you are seeking. We will need the I/I device! I wish we had another! We will also have FIDO on board for a short time, so the Colonel gets a good look at all of us! You will jump off as we pass this site. Good luck! Driver Garret and I will now say goodbye!"

The two men, followed by Jake and Alaric ran across the railyard and mounted the railcar. Engines at both ends of the vehicle started up with a deep, throaty roar. They rolled twards the sound of firing

Some distance up the line two mortar rounds exploded and then the firing from the building slackened.

"Keep at it lads!" cried the Colonel. "A months leave for anyone who bags an alien!"

Suddenly, his radar operator shouted:

"Sir! Train approaching on the line! Sounds like something heavy!"

Mortars inside the shed then fired in sequence, within five seconds. The soldiers ducked involuntarily. The golden figure of FIDO suddenly appeared, weaving to avoid the stream of bullets and running towards the railway. The rail car pulling the steam engine and coach suddenly winked into existence.

"Over here!" shouted Dr Tung, pushing his head out of the side window.

The soldiers then had a clear view of Jake, Alaric, Driver Garret and Dr Tung through the uncovered side of the rail car, with the steam engine behind. FIDO jumped aboard as the soldiers recovered and started to pepper the rail car.Then both the rail car and the steam engine vanished.

The radar operator shouted:

"They are moving down the line towards Yea!"

"After them!" shouted Col Viljoen. "Tally Ho!"
Chapter

Aboriginal machanic

Jake,Alaric, FIDO and CLEO were now all inside the Walker railcar. They had broken several international sprint records to reach the shed after jumping off the slowing train. They had not heard the steam train and its cargo leave due to the effect of the I/I device. They had heard Con Viljoen and his crew roar past in hot pursuit,

It had rapidly become quiet. Now they could only hear the wind rattling against the corrugated iron of their shed, CLEO's hardware was placed on a side shelf. The computer sat surveying events. FIDO then activated an extremely powerful vacumn and the vehicle rapidly became pristine.

FIDO continued installing the nuclear cooking stove. Jake and Alaric were stowing away plates,knives,spoons and cups on a makeshift counter on one of the seats. Containers of food and drink occupied another of the traverse seats. Once the chores were finished, Jake attemptied to connect the motor which had been idle for some sixty years.

The enginel failed to fire.

Then the aboriginal tracker suddenly arrived at the entrance to the wooden building. He was now dressed in a loin cloth. He approached silently and stood looking at them.

"G'Day, spirit people!" said the tracker."Don't worry! I'm no longer with the army, I've deserted and I'm going walkabout. I don't like that fat faced colonel! I just dropped in to say hello!"

CLEO squawked from the bench. "FIDO! Get him!"

Before the robot could move Jake made a decision.

"Don't attack him,FIDO,"he said. 'He's on the run like we are."

The tracker spoke again.

"Your engine don't sound happy," he said, "Needs bush mechanic!"

He walked into the hut, grabbed a set of rusted tools from a table and vanished under the Railmotor, There were several metallic sound effects and a string of what might be Mujambi curses.

The ex soldier then reappeared.

"Now you try again," he said.

Jake tried the starter again and the motor roared into life, filling the shed with smoke.

"Turn it off and we'll all have a cuppa," shouted the ex soldier.

He climbed aboard the vehicle. FIDO used his nuclear cooker and they all sat perched sideways on the long seats as the robot served tea.

"Good stuff this," said the soldier, sipping the brew and then nursing his cup.

"Spirit tea! Where you spirit people headin?"

"Down the line," said Jake. "We looking for a... a sort of special railway.."

"A proper spirit railway," said the tracker with satisfaction. "We seen spirit people before, long time back. This give me something to talk about when I get back.Can I cadge a ride down the line? Then I go long walkabout/"

The railcar was already loaded. Jake started the engine and they pulled out onto the main line. The railcar clattered on into the night. Once the engine warmed it was giving stirling service, Alaric sat on the front seat with the tracker and FIDO sat at the back of the bus. CLEO had already protested that Jake was still totally banned from driving any motor vehicle, Alaric had intervened and persuaded the computer that the ban did not apply to a retired rail car. He explained that a rail car was a motorized railway vehicle rather than a road vehicle.

It did not travel on a road. Thus Jake was allowed to drive.

CLEO was currently: "Considering Lord Alarics's analysis."

In the meantime Jake was driving at a reasonable speed. He was currently staring intently at the track ahead. A wandering moon, which kept vanishing behind clouds, gave some light. The railcar clattered through the deserted stations of Yark, Kanumbra. Merton and then Woodfield and Bonnie Doom without stopping.

They were now heading towards Maindample when a lbright light from directly above shone down on the railcar. A metallic voice ordered them to stop. Jake cut off the engine and braked. The Aboriginal soldier said: "Get you head down,spirit man! They probably after me for desertin".

"Are you giving up?" asked Jake.

"Naw! Just pullin' them away from you spirit men. They won't catch me!"

He climbed out of the railcar and stood with his hands up.

The voice of Colonel Viljoen boomed out: "Improperly dressed, AWOL and deserting! I'm going to throw the book at you, darkie!"

"You'll have to catch me first, Ding Dong!" shouted the tracker, using a derisive title used by the Colonels troops. The ex-tracker dashed across the track and vanished into thick bush. The helicopter sped after him, shining a light into the thick bush. Gradually, the light vanished in a series of stacatto hops towards the north,..

The railcar stood silent for a long period.

"They seem to have gone," said Jake. "I think we should carry on.

Once again the engine roared into life. Jake pushed in the worn gears and once again they were on the move. The ancient railcar was now rolling on towards Maindample. The station was shown on CLEO's map as being located 122.5 miles from Melbourne on the line to Mansfield. As they pulled into the station, which was overgrown with weeds, Jake suddenly decided to stop. He would consult the computer in respect to planning the next section of the journey.

He might also get a snack.

As they drew to a halt, FIDO brought out cups of Elvish tea.. Jake moved back from the drivers seat and they all sat together in the middle of the vehicle. Alaric held up CLEO's rail map. They could see the markings of a path. It started at Old Maindimple station and lead up to a mountain carrying the legend St Bernards Peak (8,650 ft.) On the map, a red light flickered on and off at the summit of the mountain.

"The light shows the possible location of Gateway Four." said CLEO. "Gateway Central's Notes on Gateways states that this Gateway is a One Way Request Stop. However, my Schedule states that the gate will be operative in 5 hours, local time."

"Well, there is no point in travelling further along the railway," said Alaric. "The Prince did well to stop here! He must have had a feeling that we were close to a Gateway."

Jake protested that the only feeling he had was hunger.

FIDO then produced a plate of sandwiches!!!

Jake began eating rapidly.

CLEO suddenly made an announcement: "As a safety measure, in case the Gateway is not fully operative I have broken out two sleighs from stores. FIDO has expanded the sleighs which may be strapped over your backpacks and used to slide back to this train if necessary. Each sleigh is the latest Super Zooper. These sleighs can attain very high speeds without the use of ski wax! They will not require waxing! Before you depart, would anyone care to hear a lecture on how to avoid hidden obstacles while sleighing downhill at high speed?"

Jake: "What I really need is a snowmobile to take me up to the peak. Do you have a snowmobile in your inventory, Miss Fusspot?"

"No, I do not have a snowmobile." said CLEO.

Jake climbed down from the carriage on to the dark platform. Alaric, similarly equipped, descended from the train. They left the station and began following a meandering muddy track towards the foothills of the mountain.

As they left, FIDO powered himself down. He stood motionless, next to his nuclear stove. In the carriage, only CLEO was still fully awake. The computer, powered by her internal battery, continued her task of scanning all frequencies while amusing herself by playing chess on the Internet (under the code name Jolly Molly.)

Away from the rail trolley, the party struggled upwards over a muddy track apparently made by mountain goats. The foothills suddenly became a steep, rocky incline. Under the weight of heavy packs and sleighs. They struggled upward, Even Alaric, who normally seemed to dance around, was obliged to simply plod on. Jake kept asking them to stop for a quick snack. Jake suggested they could return to the train, have a good meal and a long snooze. They could try again the following night. Alaric ruined this idea by reminding him that transport would appear that very night.

It might not then return for some very considerable time.

They must press on.

Jake now regretted the fact that he had not demanded a proper hot meal before leaving the carriage. Six sandwiches were hardly enough. He was even more regretful that he had stopped the railcar at all. It would have been far easier driving on than trudging up the side of a mountain.

However, Alaric would not agree to his frequent request for a rest and merely said they must press on. Shortly, the few stunted trees growing on the rock strewn hill gave way to a snowfield. It stretched upward, glistening in the moonlight. They crunched through the snow. Suddenly Jake's weariness vanished. He had an inspiring vision of himself as a member of the first party to ascend St Bernard's Peak! He was a member of The First Ascent! He would get a special badge and probably be featured on the news! He rehearsed a modest smile for TV. It would be important to look modest and unassuming. As they trudged forward, Jake planned his victory speech. He would ignore the popping lights of the cameramen. He would gaze at some unseen inner vision. "It was just another peak." he would say, slowly, after apparently thinking hard. "It is my aim, my unshakeable aim to climb all the worlds great peaks including this one." He would then mention the fact that this peak had probably beaten off hundreds of prior attempts. Even for an expert like himself the mountain had proved a challenge. There were difficult pitches up to and including Grade 1. This grade was regarded by many climbers as impossible! But he had prevailed!"

This imaginery scenario cheered him up immensely.

He plodded on quite cheerfully.

The peak was now visible a short distance ahead.

### Chapter 14

Interdimensional Bus Stop

Eventually, they reached a rocky plateau which proved to be the top of the mountain. They unpacked the sleds, sat down on them and waited. Above, the heavens sparkled with millions of brilliant, glittering stars. The clouds had vanished and a yellow crescent moon sat coyly just above the horizon.

Suddenly, there was a double explosion and a brilliant flash of green light. An object appeared in the sky to the north.

"It's a plane!" cried Alaric."It's a plane about to crash!"

They watched in horror as the bright object zoomed towards them. Just as it appeared certain to crash into the mountain, the object suddenly jerked upwards and executed a perfect landing on the flat mountaintop.

It rolled to a stop near to them.

"It's not a plane," said Jake. "It's an old bus!"

And the object did indeed appear to be a battered old bus. It was colored red. A large sign on one side said Multiverse Bus Company. Above the drivers cab a destination board read: Universe 1 Down. The bus stood with its engine running. The engine sounded rough, missing beats and back firing. Yellow smoke poured from the exhaust, causing the waiting passengers to cough and splutter. Abruptly, the engine stopped and the exhaust ceased. Lights inside the bus stayed on as the driver climbed out. The driver wore a cap with a shiny peak and a badge Multiverse Bus Co. He had a peculiar face. His eyes were set wide apart and he had no nose! There were only a pair of flat slits where his nose would normally be. He had another horizontal slit which might pass for a mouth. He did not appear to have any ears.

Still, he did appear to be friendly.

"Welcome all," said the driver. His horizontal slit of a mouth appeared to be the source of the words. "I'm gonna let 'er cool down before we jumps but you can git aboard. It be horrible freezin' out here! Can I sees youse fares?"

Jake produced his vial of Virtue.

The globe illuminated the entire mountaintop.

"Gawd!" said the driver "I'm suprised yous goin' on a bus wiz all that credit!":

He had a sudden thought.

"I knows! Yous big wigs from somewhere Up! Buyin' a sausage factory for your conglomoratation! Climb aboard and get warm while I waits for 'er to cool down a bits. I don't want 'er conkin' out in-between! The idea of conkin' out in between Universes makes me feel fraught! Proper fraught!"

The travelers all climbed onto the bus. They piled the sleighs and rucksacks into a luggage area and sat down. Inside, the lighting had a peculiar reddish hue. They sat on metal seats and immediately noticed the high temperature inside the bus.

"It's a trifle warm in here," said Jake.

"I can't get it proper warm because she is having a rest, little sir," said the driver. He appeared to have misunderstood the remark. "It is only a trifle warm right now. She's not givin' out 'er full 'eat. Yous'll have to shiver a bits till she warms up proper. She's usin' all 'er power to get fully charged."

He settled on a nearby seat as the elves and dwarves shrugged off their packs. They all started stripping clothes to cope with the waves of intense heat circulating inside the bus. The driver looked at them curiously.

"Well, sirs, is you visitors from an 'igher universe?" said the driver. "Dropped off on Zero for sight seein' and get some souvies? Next trip in a years time we should be goin' back up to Universe Plus One. That's assuming she can do it then. At the moment I don't think she could jump up! She needs a full rebore and a new fusion chamber. But what are youse plannin' to do down in Minus One.? Buy a factory for speculatin' ? Or will you be biddin' to build the sewage works? Streets is filfy. Gutters runnin'. Whole place stinks!"

He had a sudden idea. "Hey! Is you from Multiverse Central? You can tell the big wigs that this bus needs a full rebore and a new fusion chamber! Clapped out she is. Last year I was doing the run to One Up and she did it easy. But this year, even though we is going Down and its an easier run she is really feelin' her old bones! She ain't 'ad a proper service since you knows when! . And look at er, just look at 'er! She's stuffed that's what she is. I call Central and they just leave me on 'old. Anyhow, I'll try a quick twitch on the starter now! Finges crossed! We'll be off before you knows it!"

He went forward. and began adjusting knobs and levers.

Jake and Alaric immediately decided to get off the bus.

They scrambled to collect discarded clothes, rucksacks and sleighs as the driver moved to the drivers cabin and cranked the engine. As they fled the engine fired and burst into thunderous life. The bus shot directly upwards, moving in a shower of sparks before vanishing with two loud bangs.

They were left under the bright canopy of s.

"Well," said Alaric, "So much for the supposed news about Gateway Four. It is not a proper Gateway at all! A bus stop for a bus travelling down to a Minus Universe! Specifically going down to a planet which currently lacks even a sewage works! I suggest we sleigh back to the train and find out what to do next. See you at the station!"

With a whoop he pushed his sleigh over the edge of the plateau and vanished in a flurry of snow. Jake, preferred to lie flat on his sJackach and look down at the slope. He set off with a powerful kick. As the sleigh accelerated he decided that he should stand up and perform some acrobatic tricks on his descent. But disaster struck before he could stand up. His sleigh suddenly ran into a protruding rock and stopped abruptly.

Jake did not stop with his sleigh.

He continued to dive forward and plummeted into an icy crevice.

He fell headfirst into a deep ice cave.

CLEO waited in the railcar and shortly decided that Jake was over due. She sent FIDO to provide Search and Rescue. The robot drew skis from the equipment store. He climbed the mountain at high speed.

And saw Jake's sleigh sitting forlorn in front of a hole.

FIDO peered down the hole in the snow and saw Jake lying upside down. The problem of retrieving Jake, who was wedged between rocks some 30 feet down confronted FIDO. It did not trouble him for a second.

The robot braced himself and lowered both arms into the hole. The arms telescoped ourward to a truly astonishing length.

They eventually reached Jake, some thirty feet below.

The robotic thumbs,burrowing through the ice until they met around Jake's waist.

Metal fingers now clasped to form a secure hold.

Jake was effortlessly lifted to the surface.

He rose feet first in one smooth pull.

FIDO immediately placed Jake onto the sleigh, wrapped him in a thermo blanket and tied him down with a length of elastic rope. They began a rapid descent. FIDO held the sleigh firmly using one extended arm while sliding across and down the icy mountainside in a series of giant zig zags

FIDO brought the sleigh down to a place close to the path.

The robot now kicked off his skis and dropped his poles. He released Jake from the sleigh and carried his charge back to the station in his arms. Since he had already selected appropriate metal feet for the muddy condition, the robot did not lose his footing on the muddy path.

Alaric was eating sandwiches when FIDO returned.

"What happened?"

Jake mumbled a few confused replies about an ice cave. He was immediately put to bed. He was still wrapped in the thermal blanket but he was now also covered with three army blankets. He was given two aspirins and a drink.

He fell asleep and knew nothing until he awoke late the following afternoon.

CLEO sent FIDO back to retrieve ther skis and poles.

The robot was then admonished to "waste not ,want not."

### Chapter 15

Pernambuco!

When Jake finally woke up, Alaric was sitting a little further down the carriage, apparently studying CLEO's map. He greeted Jake with a distracted wave, saying only "Good afternoon, Prince, I trust you are feeling better". In fact, Jake was feeling much better and extremely hungry.

After Jake had carried out his toilet, FIDO brought him a large helping of hot steak and kidney pudding. This was followed by chocolate pudding accompanied by a bottle of pop (sparkling orange.)

CLEO advised him the meal would help rebuild his strength.

Alaric was looking at the map and apparently pondering some difficult problem. Once Jake had cleared his plate of hot pudding he was able to speak.

"Hey, Alaric, you look glum!" he said.

"I am deflated, your royal highness," said Alaric. "There are no more operating Gateways shown on CLEO's list. She is examining records to see if there was is an emergency exit Gateway left somewhere on this continent."

Jake considered this revelation. No more operating Gateways. They could not leave! They must do something else. He considered what something else might be. "We could go train spotting," he said, after considering the matter. "Flinders Street is a busy station on the East Coast main line. I could get namers at Flinders Street! We can go back to Lilydale. Get a train there!"

Alaric appeared to consider this plan.

"But Sire, is trainspotting a real option? We are both currently free only because we are lost!. The wicked Regent could send a squad of robo troops to nab us if he knew our whereabouts! The earth troops have been put off our track by a strategem – but for how long?"

Jake's pack was lying on a seat and CLEO's hardware was inside the pack. The computer was busy. She was using Quad Line One to play chess on the Internet. She was playing simultaneous chess against 75 international chess grand masters who believed they were playing against a Russian chess genius. CLEO's Quad Line Two was listening to human radio traffic. Quad Line Three was listening to phone traffic from UFO Divisional HQ. You might consider that CLEO was so busy that she would not even notice Alaric's remark. But her capacity to quad process meant that his remarks were recorded. They would be subject to analysis by quad line four.

Who is the wicked Regent?

While CLEO was busy playing chess, scanning all frequencies, listening to phone calls and computing the various possible meanings of Alaric's remark, Jake was reflecting on his own unfortunate circumstance.He had been quite happy living in the Underground Prison Complex, a comfortable underground home. It was true that sword training had been a harsh, daily grind. And his potential future career as a racing driver had been cruelly nipped in the bud by tyrannical jailer CLEO. With additional practice time on the car driving program he might have achieved his ambition. He could have become an internationally famous racing car driver! But against all these negatives he had always been well fed! That was the key issue! Three meals a day with two snacks! Of course, his train spotting results recorded in the area above the prison had turned out to be useless! But he had still enjoyed his spotting time. Then the whole thing had been ruined by Alaric's arrival! The elf's ridiculous idea that Jake was a Prince and that they must escape was the source of all his problems. Alaric buried his head in his hands and appeared to be sobbing. Even the dwarves noticed his distress.

"It's hopeless!" cried Alaric. "This Quest is doomed! Doomed. There are no more Gateways recorded in Australia. Two other Gateways are or were located on the other side of this planet! They are probably all now unusable. The Gateway on Atlantis vanished into the ocean 12,000 years ago during the Central Power Explorer phase.. That Gateway is still working on au _Jake_ atic but it is now sucking in planes and ships and sending them into a another dimension! I was planning to have it shut off once we reached Central Power. But we will never reach Central Power!

"Never?" said Jake. "Pernabuco! We can go spotting!"

Alaric suddenly stiffened and sat up abruptly. "Pernambuco! " he said. "Pernambuco! Your Highness you have remembered a word of Elvish !"

"What do you mean? It just slipped out!" said Jake.

"Exactly! It just slipped out from a mind that was horribly damaged by your forced transfer to this Universe! I had hoped that a time of recuperation would bring back both your memories and your Royal Powers! But one word is a beginning! Pernambuco! It means "What chance did I have?" Pernambuco!!"

"You may have hope but my sJackach has no hope! It is still empty!" said Jake morosely. He looked at the bowl in front of him and raised his eyebrows in a meaningful way at FIDO.

The robot was standing in his cooking area.

But there was no response.

Unfortunately. FIDO appeared to be recharging.

He was switched off.

There was no hope of a second helping.

Alaric He seemed to have recovered his usual good spirits. "Perhaps CLEO will discover the location of another Gateway. She is still searching."

There was a sudden keening explosive sound. A blue hole appeared on one side of the carriage and the three dwarves climbed out,following each other in sucession. The hole then vanished with an explosive clap.

The three dwarves stood on line at the inside front of the bus..

"Sir Stumpy at your service!" said Stumpy, bowing deeply.

"Sir Grumpy at your service!" said Grumpy, bowing and adding a flurish.

"And Sir Sam!" said Little Sam, dropping to one knee.

"Knights in the Royal service!"

CLEO suddenly spoke. "Big News! I have just beaten seventy five chess masters simultaneously, After the game, one of the Chess Masters sent me an email to say that I am a very smart cookie! I do not understand the use of the word cookie. Could anyone answer this query? Why would a winning chess player be compared to an edible biscuit?"

Sir Grumpy spoke, addressing the computer.

"Being a smart cookie is a slang phrase meaning a clever person. You were being compared to a clever person." he said. " I must immediately add that you are not as clever as a young dwarf like Sir Sam! And a young dwarf is never as smart as an old dwarf! The great Jackefits of experience always win in the end! And as for you,computer CLEO, you apparently did not notice our arrival by special delivery!"

"How did you get here?" asked Jake.

"On theMultiverse Express," said the dwarf. "We located your whereabouts with help from the Controller and then used a virtual tunnel to rejoin your party!"
Chapter 16

Routing Problem

"The Multiverse Express is the answer! But...but where is it?" said Alaric. "We can't find a working station!"

Sir Sam answered: "Strictly speaking the Multiverse Express is in non space. However, as the Royal party had a return ticket the Express will always stay close to the ticket holders, or again, as close as it can get in non space."

"How is that useful?" said Alaric angrily. "The Express may be as close as it can get but we cannot reach it without a station! Every station has been either extinguished by some kind of wind, or closed for repairs taking several thousand years, or sited on a barren hilltop and used for going to lower universes!" '

There was a pained silence, then Sir Grumpy spoke:

"Excellency! " he cried. "As Knights of the Oblong Table, now with large land holdings on Ozro, we have been instructed by the Central Power Master Computers to assist your goodselves with a virtual tunnel, which will create and instant station and allow transit to Central Power for your honoured selves!"

Sir Stumpy added: "After reminding you or your promise of gold and..."

Sir Sam concluded: "Jewels! We have a need to stock our planets with gnunks and some well bred scatcookers and..."

"Yes,yes,yes!" said Alaric hastily. He added: "I am sure His Elfness will be grateful and bestow the Royal Favours?"

He looked quizzically at Jake.

Jake said nothing.

CLEO was about to make some sarcastic comment when FIDO suddenly spoke,

"A Royal promise must be met and will be met!" he said.

"Well said!" added Jake.

"That settles it!" said Alaric. "His Elfness has spoken via the robot."

CLRO suddenly butted in. "Patching in phone call from Yea to UFO Comman. I am descrambling message online. It is using Enigma X231.

Phone whistles on speaker.

"Viljoen calling! Sir! Great news! We have caught the two human turncoats! Apparently the alien device ran out of power and there they were, parked at Yea station! Cheeky blighters! We have recovered both thr stolen army vehicle and the ghost steam train! The two men seemed cocky enough at first, the Chinaman swaggering about on the square outside the station but then some other alien device failed! The Chinaman obviously thought they were both going to vanish when he pressed a button but the device did not work! He was foaming at the mouth! Actually threw it down and jumped on it! Said it was rubbish dumped by Central Power! Second hand junk! Central Power throwaways! We recovered the object and have sent it to Chirside Park for testing.. We are still searching for the young boy with big ears. The crew of our second railcar—the second crew attacked --- have reported they were attacked by a golden robot.They are all pacifists but can be used in latrine prep. We are searching for the robot. It is probably hiding in the Yea area along with Big Ears and his alien mater. I have ordered my troops to shoot to kill any alien and to disable the robot by calling in a full air strike. Yea has been cleared of civilians and a state of emergency has been declared. I have locked the two turncoats inside the station waiting room. Two guards inside with them! I have requested a chopper to take them to Army Base "Kango" for transshipment to Psych Centre and detailed interrogation. The Divisional Tracker has gone AWOL and has not yet been found. I have issued an APB so he will be found and face a courts martial!"

A new voice came in:

"Message routed as requested. Prime Minister informed. Out!'

CLEO: "The doctor and his friend must be rescued! Jake can do it! He can take the Merlo Funny Gun and disable the soldiers! That will avoid killing anyone!"

"Hazard his Majesty!" said Alaric, appalled. "Never! Why not send FIDO? He's expendable! A mere robot!"

The mere robot seemed to perk up at the prospect to militray action.

"None of this is necessary!" cried Sir Sam. "We have been resupplied and we can now put in a virtual tunnel at Yea! Get the men out via the Multiverse Express. They will have to change at Central Power and catch a local to MARS. As a Medical Officer travelling with a Patient, all Dr Tungs costs will be entirely covered."

Sir Sam operated a small device and the blue tunnel reappeared. The keening noise was now more of an unbearable amplified screech. Sir Sam vanished into the blue tunnel and the sound effects then stopped.

FIDO served toasted bread and strawberry jam.

Jake had two helpings.

The blue light flashed back on, with more muted sound effects.

This time only Sir Sam appeared.

"The doc and his patient have gone on to Central Power via the Express," the dwarf reported. "Sir Grumy and Sir Stunpy are going back to Ozro to take care of our holdings. You can \use the Expresso to go back to Power. You will have a full trainload. I will help carry the Central Power equipment and take the train ahead of yours to Central Power. I will then take a local to Ozro."

They all loaded up with gear, nuclear stove, Central Power escape equipment and sundries. FIDO carried CLEO's hardware. With Sir Sam leading they walked up the blue light beam, which expanded to encompass the larger members of the party (Jake had the largest girth.)

On arrival they found themselves in an underground station with white tiled walls and a distinct smell of disinfectant. Sir Sam got into a single carriage train and vanished in what was presumably the direction of Central Power.

A new train arrived, this time with several coaches.

The Central Power gear was loaded and they piled into the coaches.

Alaric was happy at last.

"We are going home!" he said.

A voice boomed from the station wall.

"Discrepancy alarm! Tickets do not match passengers! Central Power luggage will be carried but passengers will be taken to Kardiff while tickets are investigated! Commence!"

There was a period of gentle acceleration, then metal cages suddenly shot up around the passengers and the train began to accelerate. The walls became a blur of white and then darkness. They dived into a horrid blend of peculiar blending multi colored fog supported by a cacophony of sound....
Chapter 17

No rest for the wicked

When Jake awoke he was on a regular train, sitting in an upholstered apartment labelled First Class. Alaric was sitting opposite and FIDO had contracted. He now looked like a golden,metallic box on the luggage rack.

CLEO's voice sounded stridenly.

The computer was apparently inside a package next to FIDO on the luggage rack.

"He is coming round! Obviously he is unsuited to zero dimensional travel! It is thanks to him, the Unreformed Criminal Jake , that we have been refused admission to enter Central Power! We have been placed in some weird sub Universe and its all his fault! Obviously, we have been sent here because convicts are not allowed on theMultiverse Express! Anyway, Lord Alaric, you and he must both wash now! You have not washed for several days!"

Alaric sJugg his head at the computers continued insistence that Jake was a convicted criminal and not Prince Jake. But he did not make the mistake of trying to argue with CLEO. Alaric and Jake meekly washed in the small toilet at the end of the carriage. They trooped back to the table and sat down.

A uniformed waiter appeared and served a memorable six course meal.

One delicious course followed another

Jake was at last fully replete.

Following this meal, it was now time for rest and reflection. Jake settled down comfortably, leaning against the padded armrest and preparing to have a well earned rest, starting with a nap.

His plans were immediately challenged.

The voice of CLEO sounded :

"A dragon is terrorizing Wales in this sub Universe!! "

As the computer spoke the carriage door suddenly opened. Two dark haired men dressed entirely in black climbed aboard.

"Druids!" said Alaric.

"We are indeed," said the leading figure. He suddenly knelt in front of Jake. "We are Druids in search of the Dragonslayer! Druids who have traveled the length of England and Scotland to find him! We now conduct the recognition ceremony. He produced a revolver.

He pointed the gun at Jake and said: "Hand over your money!"

Jake reacted with demonic fury. He swept back his overcoat and Shivver flashed into view to point at the Druids throat.

"It is him, Taff,!" croaked the kneeling Druid. "Definitely him! I tried to hold him up and everything went pear shaped! And his magic sword is at my throat! Exactly as stated in the Druidic! We have found the dragon slayer!"

He lowered his gun gingerly.

The sword point stayed at his throat.

The second druid now spoke: "Prince Jake! We beg you to clear Wales of the dragon. You are the chosen! You must vanquish a fearsome monster which has appeared from under the mountain. The mountain which carries the name of..." "Llanfairanfalanboggleleeprantergogglegoch,"

Jake pulled back the sword and replaced it in its sheath. "I am not Prince Jake! I may have elf ears but I am not an elf. I am not him and I am not a slayer of monsters! I do not intend to visit Wales."

The first druid had now put away his revolver.

He spoke: "Dragonslayer. I have something to show you."

The man produced an acorn which he showed to Jake. The acorn was badly scorched and had a fearsome crack across its shell. "Sire, the dragon is roaShivver and murdering hundreds of acorns with its fiery breath! They lie scorched and dying on the slopes of the Mountain! They cry for vengeance from the Dragon Slayer!" he cried. He dropped the scorched nut into Jake's hand.

Jake stared at the ravaged fruit of the oak.

His expression slowly changed. He pulled out Shivver and waved the sword which sparkled with a green light and spat fat green sparks. "Damn that dragon! Kill for the love of killing!" he shouted.."Where is the beast?"

At that moment an enormous blast of flame scorched the carriage window. "Right here Dragonslayer!" cried a loud voice. "I am right here. Come on out and start slaying!"

Jake stared out through the window which had cracked in the heat. He could see the huge form of a dragon! He could also see a mound of smoking coal, a few battered shrubs and his own doom waiting outside!

The railway coach, its locomotive and all its occupants had been twaddled into a railway siding near the entrance to a Welsh coal mine. Mined anthracite had originally been loaded onto a railway truck ready for transport. But the truck been tipped over by the dragon, using one powerful clawed foot. The coal had formed a glistening black pile. Under the searing impact of the dragons flaming breath, fifty tonnes had ignited and burnt explosively. This fierce fire had delighted the dragon. Once it was well in progress the dragon stopped acting as a flame thrower and merely stood watching, holding out one giant claw to warm himself. He sang a few bars of "Keep the Home Fires burning."

The same white hot blaze had scared the wits out of various onlookers hiding around the area. At this very moment, Jake's train arrived at a siding close by. The train pulled to a stop with the usual screeching of brakes and hissing of steam.

The dragon stopped singing and began reciting a poem.

"When he arrived in a curious train,

He saw a dismal vale of gloom,

The dragons breath had toasted all

Was this the final slayers doom?

"Well, that part is wrong!" cried the dragon, apparently commentating on his own poem. "I am a good lad!" He then recited: "Dragon name Blowtorch! Development type X 291. No team available! Gemini twins not located! Dragon now waiting !"

The dragon finished his speech with a peculiar song:

"Rock, bop, blowtorch bam bam bop!"

As the dragon sang, he thumped his massive feet on the ground, causing the entire valley to shake. Inside the carriage the occupants could clearly hear the dragons voice and feel the tremors. CLEO then spoke: "Blowtorch! That is the name of the escapee dragon of Perno! The dragon masters have offered a huge reward for his return! They even advertised on the inter dimensional news hoping he had reappeared somewhere in the Multiverse! They could not find him because he slipped into this world and he is now terrorizing the Druids! "

"And he is definitely terrorizing me!" said Jake morosely. He stared out of the carriage window looking up at the immense form of the dragon. "Look at him! He's gigantic!" His voice choked. "I've had lots of hard luck since I got sprung from the nick but this is it! My Final Fight! "

The dragon appeared to hear him.

"Hey, Jake!" cried the dragon. "There is no need to fight! I am a peaceful combat carrier! I only fight in space for big, big, big money! But I just want my riders!"

Inside the carriage, there was a stunned silence. Then Alaric spoke: "Sire, we must try to capture that dragon! There will be a huge reward for him! He is a trained dragon from Perno. We can wear flame proof suits, go out, subdue the dragon and then get the dragon masters to twaddle him back to his den!"

"I can hear you!" cried the dragon. "I can also tell you that your silly flame suits will be useless! You will be toasted, roasted and then turned into crisps! I will then be guilty of murder by cremation! I suggest you bring out the suits and put them on sticks so I can demonstrate my fire power!"

Jake: "Do you think he is bluffing?"

Alaric: "Perhaps we should call his bluff!"

"He may not be bluffing!" said CLEO. "Information from the Multinet states that Dragon Development Type X 291 has sufficient incendiary capability to totally destroy the supposedly fire resistant suits in my store. It will be necessary to confirm this information via an experiment. FIDO has placed the suits on the luggage rack. Put each suit on a stick, then hang the suits within the dragons vision and shout some insulting phrase. Before shouting, please retreat to a safe distance. If the suits survive then we may assume that the dragon is bluffing."

Jake and Alaric both collected a suit. The suits were one piece boiler type garments made of some shiny type material. They both climbed down from the side of the carriage out of the dragons view and collected two stout sticks. Jake sharpened one side of each stick using Shivver.

The sword crackled and spat sparks.

"I can see your little sticker!" cried the dragon. "It won't be any good inside my special field! I have full electromagnetics! I can melt that silly little thing just like I can melt your stupid suits!"

Jake hurriedly slid the grumbling sword back into its holster. In a kind of involuntary crouch, he lead Alaric around the back of the train. The pair then advanced towards the dragon in a crab walk. They moved cautiously, taking cover behind a few remaining blackened trees and bushes. Finally they reached a rock about 100 meters from the dragons vast form.

"We have brought the suits so you can demonstrate your supposed ability to destroy them!" cried Jake. "We are going to lean them against this rock on two poles and then we will retire to a safe distance. Please do not fire until the suits are in position! After that count to ten and then go! Agreed?"

"Of course!" said the dragon. "A free demo. I love a good fire!"

Cautiously, Jake and Alaric reached around the rock and put the suits into position. Each suit hung on a stick precariously balanced against the rock. "Start counting, dragon!" shouted Jake as they ran back behind the carriage. He had been trying to think of some way to insult the dragon but all he managed was a weak: "I assume you are clever enough to count to ten even if you can't spell!"

The dragons reply came in the form of a white hot jet of flame. The flame played briefly on the first suit, which almost immediately caught fire and crumbled into ash. A shower of sparks fell to the ground. A few strands of grass immediately caught fire. The dragon then zeroed in on the second suit and produced the same result.

The flame stopped.

"What do you mean I can't spell?" said the dragon. "I can spell better than you can! Everyone knows you can't spell! Of course, if we have a spelling competition, you will probably cheat and ask know all computer CLEO! Or should I say you will ask Princess Cleopatra? Where is she, CLEO?"

As Jake climbed into the carriage, CLEO spoke. "That dragon must be severely punished!" said the computer. "The disgusting beast has insulted the Princess Cleopatra! He must be punished and interrogated! He must know where the Princess is imprisoned! The Princess may lack even basic cosmetics! No lipstick or face powder! No perfume or bathing facilities! And that dragon may well be one of those responsible! He even may have eaten her alive!"

The dragon appeared to hear CLEO's remarks. He chortled and recited:

"CLEO thought that Blowtorch did the deed,

Kidnapped the Princess for a tasty feed!

But during ther trip she'd caught a pox,

And locked herself in a metal box!"

Jake stuck his head through the carriage window and shouted up to the dragon: "How do you know that poem?"

"There's no need to shout!" said the dragon. "I have perfect hearing and I have been able to hear everything said in your railway carriage. I can even hear CLEO talking to you on your sub woofer, although she thinks her voice is inaudible! In any case, to answer your question, the whole story is in a saga. I listened to it in my compound while I was waiting, waiting. waiting for Gemini, my riders who...." his voice dropped to a sad whisper...." never turned up."

"Never turned up?" said Jake.

"No! Never turned up although they were definitely invited..... and offered a huge contract.....and they would have ridden the best fighting dragon ever built! Brand new!"

The dragons voice broke and he suddenly began sobbing.

Massive teardrops spattered around the valley.

Steam rose from several hot areas of soil.

Jake turned back into the carriage. "What can he mean? They never turned up?" Jake asked Alaric. "Surely a dragon would have only one rider? Do they have a reserve rider or do they change riders at some point during contests? "

"Each fighting dragon has two riders, Sire," said Alaric. "One looks after each side as they conduct aerial fights. The dragon means that its team of riders failed to report for duty. The dragon would have been put back into its den while arrangements were made to find two new riders."

"Yes!" sobbed the dragon. "I hear you, Alaric the Fighting Mad Elf!! Put back into a lair! Nothing to do but listen to watch tv and listen to sagas! But then hHe helped me! He has brought me here to find my riders!"

"He?" said Jake. "Who is He?"
Chapter 18

Dragonslayer?

"He is the Gateway Controller, Jake!" said a cultured voice. The voice seemed to come from all around the carriage."And as for the Princess, what can one say? Never change dimensions when you are annoyed or upset! That is a Prime Rule. It would have certainly have helped if the Princess had read the Dimensional Travellers Guidebook properly. SuperSpeed reading may be impressive but if the reader fails to comprehend the material the exercise becomes ineffective! The Guidebook clearly states that you must be in a calm frame of mind when hopping dimensions!"

Alaric: 'It is the Gateway controller again! He must have opened a Gateway from the dragon's quarters to this spot! But why?"

The Gateway Controller answered immediately. "Correct! I did open a Gateway under Section 311/2 A. Why? Because this very special dragon was pining! Pining away in his luxury lair! The reason? He is designed to fight for glory! With his riders! Without them he became desolate! He has hardly eaten a good meal in a week! In fact, he has not eaten since he arrived in this sub dimension. He is simply burning coal to keep his mind occupied! I opened a special Gateway so he would be close to the Gemini twins! To give the three of them a faint chance of getting together. I told the druids to search for you! You can locate his riders and get them to the dragon! Doubtless CLEO will give you points when you complete that task."

The voice chuckled in amusement.

"But how am I to locate these Gemini twins?" said Jake.

"Even a stand in elf should not baulk at such an easy task," said the Controller reprovingly.

"I am not an elf!" shouted Jake angrily.

"I said a stand in elf!," said the Controller. "You are a good stand in! Ready to be a penny banger? And you definitely have elvish ears! And you have managed to get lost once again...."

"Shilamabosco!" shouted Jake furiously. "I am not a stand iin Elf. I am an Earth lad! I have been kidnapped! I have lost my ears!"

"Shilambosco!" said Alaric, butting in. "You have remembered another Elvish word! It means: I have lost my marbles!"

"A fairly perfect description of his current condition!" said the Controller. "It appears that all members of your party are in a similar state! However, you must all get on with your current task. Locate the Gemini twins and help this worthy dragon!"

There was silence in the railway coach.

Outside, the dragon continued to sob fitfully, occasionally blaShivver out a jet of fire which blazed across the Welsh valley and caused l the hidden onlookers to immediately duck for cover.

Jake stuck his head out of the carriage window and shouted. "What about the acorns?" he cried.. "You may have lost your riders but this forest has lost many of its children!"

"I am very sorry to have destroyed acorns!" the dragon blubbered. "It was a reflex. When I suddenly found myself here I started hyperventilating and became incendiary! I started firing up the coal dumps and a few trees! And then I just couldn't stop!"

He whimpered miserably.

"It is true!" said voice of the Controller. "I did not give him a briefing before translating him from his quarters in Pernod. I just felt sorry for him and shifted him here!"

Jake put his head back into the carriage and addressed Alaric and the druids. "Well, this certainly puts a different complexion on matters. It is a fact that I have nothing to do with this lost elf prince! I am merely a concerned human being caught up in all this! But I do believe that I should help the poor old thing. Then we can get back into the normal dimensions, travel to the Big Smoke and settle the matter of who I am once and for all! The fact I have someone else's ears is not conclonsive!"

CLEO immediately chimed in. "I assume you mean conclusive. I am no longer going to correct your spelling because you are beyond help! In any case, I am currently searching local Census records for the name Gemini. Oh, my goodness!"

The computer almost seemed to almost gasp.

"What have you found?" said Jake.

"I have found the Gemini twins! They are royalty! And they are imprisoned in the Black Tower! Imprisoned on the orders of King Winnie Bongo.. He has sentenced them both to death but he is afraid to promulgate the order in case he gets bad karma!"

Outside, the dragon suddenly perked up.

"Where is this Tower?" cried the dragon. "I will fly in and rescue my riders!"

The two druids, who had been sitting listening spoke.

"The Black Tower cannot be approached by air," they intoned together. "Because it is guarded by an ack ack gun which shoots down anything in flight! Thousands of birds have died simply attempting to fly over that deadly impregnable tower guarded by that horrible autmatic gun!! The Black Tower can be reached only by rail. The A23 road is closed due to shell holes and dead birds. The council workmen refuse to repair the road because of danger from falling shells. The Dragon Slayer and his Elf Lord must drive to the Tower in a steam engine! From the main line to Kardiff, they will take the branch line to the Black Tower through the Endless Tunnel. They will alight at Black Tower and proceed to climb the Death Path! But when they reach the summit they will find that the only way to gain entry to the prison is to kill the Undead Guardian and rescue the Gemini twins. The train is waiting!"

Jake, who had briefly recovered his nerve, once again fell into profound gloom. "I knew it!" he cried. "I must either fall off the Death Path or be slaughtered by the Undead Guardian! How can I kill a Guardian who is already dead?"

He turned to Alaric who was sitting white faced next to him.

Jake made a generous offer.

"Alaric, it is not necessary for you to accompany me and die as well!" he said. "Make your way back to Central Power! Take my pack! Use CLEO and the time machine and attempt to return to a proper dimension. Try to cop a few namers in my memory. There is no point in trying to retrieve the lost Stuff It cards. The Prince is lost! My own real home is beyond reach! Will I ever hear the sound of Bowed Balls (Bow Bells) again."

"Bowed Balls, Sire? What are they?" asked Alaric.

"They are bells which peal all over Undone, my old home, Alaric. Bowed Bells, (Bow Bells) located in Piccallily Circuits (Picadilly Circus.). But...I will never see my old Home again! I must now face my final doom!" said Jake miserably.

"The so called Death Path is not much of a problem," said CLEO suddenly. "There was a full set of builders plans in the Kardiff Library. My study of the old blueprints indicates that it is simply a stone staircase super cooled by a peculiar local weather condition. Because of a stationary downdraft fed by extremely cold air from the edge of space, the staircase is constantly encrusted with black ice! It is extremely slippery but by wearing mountain clothing, special boots with crampons and using a forward throwing climbers rope, you should be able to reach the top of the tower! This is where the Gemini twins are held,awaiting execution. I can provide mountaineering clothing, boots, two sets of crampons and an auJakeatic forward self attaching throwing rope. These items are being expanded from stores! However, the Undead Guardian may prove to be a more difficult problem. You might have been able to fell him using Shivver but he is protected by a Full Spectrum force field. If Shivver comes into contact with the force field it will short out. The field will then electrocute you via a lethal shock from your own sword! For the same reason, FIDO cannot do your fighting for you. He would almost certainly be shorted out and probably ruined forever via any contact between him and the Undead Guardian. In any case, FIDO cannot accompany you. He must stay here because if we are not successful he will have to report our demise to Central Power. FIDO must travel to a point where I hope he can re contact Central Power and report!"

Then Jake suddenly got a Big Idea.

"I can use my Gadder!" he said. "I can fire the Gadder at Maximum Penetration. I can stand back and shoot at this Undead bloke until he falls over. He may still be undead but while he is flat on his back we can scoot in. We can release the twins, get them back to the train and live happily ever after!

Note: _Jake_ 's "Gadder" is an Central Power catapult normally carried by FIDO in miniturized form.. _Jake_ has tried the Gadder a few times. It is an immensely powerful catapult.

Jake's mind suddenly flashed back to his months as a convict in jail. If only he had not been such a fool wanting to escape! He should have been a model prisoner! A happy train spotter! He would still be enjoying three good meals a day plus two filling snacks if he had not been stupid.

His mouth watered at the thought of food. Somehow, CLEO seemed to be aware of his musings. Possibly the computer was monitoring his saliva output. "The Druids plan is to give you a huge feast if you are successful!" said CLEO.

This statement settled the matter. FIDO was instructed to break out the expansion unit along with crampons, the forward throwing self attaching climbing rope and the Gadder. FIDO laid out these items outside the train. Jake and Alaric both changed into climbing gear. They checked the crampons by climbing up the side of the trench, using the crampons to bite into the soft ground. The special rope proved to be a remarkable device. It was only necessary to instruct the rope to "attach to highest point."  Jake tested the rope by throwing it towards an oak tree with the instruction: "attach to highest point." The rope proved to be self propelled.

It zoomed up and anchored itself firmly to a point high up the tree trunk. The command: "Ease off!" then caused the rope to fall back and coil itself ready for the next job.

CLEO assured Jake that the rope would work in exactly the same way on a rock face. It would auJakeatically locate a crevice and form a firm belay. With crampons, auto rope and the Gadder, Jake felt reasonably well equipped to complete his mission and rescue the Geminis.

The Druids, the engine driver and the fireman had now left the train. They huddled in a trench, peering distrustfully over the edge at the weeping dragon. Jake and Alaric now took control of the engine, while FIDO piled their gear inside the carriage. The robot climbed into the carriage and slammed the door.. Jake closed the fire door and settled in the drivers seat with Alaric occupying the stokers seat. With the engine blowing off excess steam, Jake released the brake and wound up the regulator. The train began puffing up the line towards Kardiff.

The actual trip to the Black Tower proved brief and uneventful. They picked up speed rapidly, The train rounded a couple of curves and passed through a short tunnel. Apparently this was the so called "endless tunnel" which was presumably named by poetic license.

Finally, the track plunged into a cutting which immediately widened to incorporate a station Directly ahead, Jake saw a sign NO STOPPING PRISON AREA. A signal located at the far end of an overgrown platform cranked down instructing the train to proceed without stopping. Signs along the station platform announced: STATION CLOSED! NO STOPPING. STATION CLOSED.  Jake ignored both the signal and the signs. He brought the engine to a stand in the middle of the platform and wound on the brake. The engine stopped directly outside a doorway marked The Black Tower. Behind the doorway they could see the tower itself, looming upwards, wreathed in tendrils of fog. The train stood hissing steam as Jake and Alaric both climbed down from the engine.

They started unloading their climbing gear

Jake suddenly recalled that he would need ammo for the Gadder. He climbed back into the engine, jumped down onto the track and collected a pocketful of pebbles. He climbed back onto the platform via the engine. He was immediately enveloped in a bitterly cold fog which crept down from the doorway opposite, Despite wearing insulated clothing both Alaric and Jake shivered. With chattering teeth, they collected the various items needed for the climb. Leaving FIDO to guard the train, they moved to a doorway at thCentral Power of the Black Tower.

Suddenly, Jake noticed an elevator on their right.

The elevator was marked: Black Tower, Authorized Personnel Only.

"We can use the elevator!" said Alaric happily. "We won't need to make a dangerous climb up hundreds of icy steps!" Before taking Alaric's advice, Jake put his head through the doorway and gazed upward. Black ice marked a series of steps marching towards the sky. The icy ascemt vanished from view as it climbed around a corner of the tower.

"This place is certainly well named," said Jake. "The Black Tower. It is indeed as black as an icy winters night on Oberon!"

"Sire, you have remembered another piece of Elvish lore!" said Alaric. "Oberon is a Central Power moon. Some winter nights it is horribly cold on the moon. Thus the phrase "Black as an icy winters night on Oberon!"

"Don't give me all that bull again!" said Jake. "It am not an Elf! I am an Earth lad and when I reach Undone and the Big Smoke you will meet my parents and friends! I will get my ABC back and that will give me a headstart on my Great Quest to Cop the Lot! That is a certainty! As certain as the fact that a ride in a lift is easier than a climb!"

He walked across to the elevator door and pressed a button. They waited as a whining noise announced the imminent arrival of a lift. Eventually, a door slid open and a well lit cage appeared. Jake threw in the coil of special climbing rope. He was about to throw in his rucksack and enter the lift himself when he froze in mid step. Looking down he could see only a gaping black void. The coil of rope had vanished! The elevator did not have a floor!

He could see only a black shaft diving downwards into the rock. Eventually, he heard a faint splash as the climbing rope reached the botJack of the shaft.

Jake stepped back carefully.

He addressed his rucksack,

"CLEO! Can I shout something to make the rope come back up?"

"Unfortunately the answer is negative," said CLEO/ "The rope has submerged in a subterranean lake 1000 meters below. It cannot be retrieved. You will have to climb without the rope. And by summoning the elevator you have already alerted the Undead Guardian that someone is trespassing. He is now alert and waiting for you at the top of the staircase. "

It might be assumed that Jake would immediately give up and run back to the train shouting that he wanted to go home to Undone. In fact, he gamely pulled on his crampons and attached the Gadder to his belt Then he indicated that he would lead the climb! Alaric strapped on his rucksack and donned his own crampons. He followed Jake onto the black ice which marked the first step of the staircase. In the dim light surrounding the tower, the elf glowed with a ghostly light. Below, through the roiling fog, they could see an immense rock face gleaming wet reaching down to a dark valley far below.

Jake started on the first step outside the doorway. Almost immediately he began helplessly windmilling as his feet found no purchase on the black ice. He was able to save himself from a fatal fall only by desperately digging in his crampons and managing to regain his balance.

"Get back!" he shouted. "We will have to find some other method of getting up!"

Alaric stepped back and Jake retreated, digging in his crampons as he inched his way backwards. Eventually, they were both back inside the doorway.

Jake now addressed CLEO.

"What should we do?" he said.

"It would probably be best if FIDO leads the ascent," said CLEO. "I have a short rope which you can attach yourselves to. In the event of a slip, FIDO may be able to belay you while you climb back to the steps. Alternatively, you may all fall and die as a roped up group! I will call FIDO."

The computer did not make any sound but FIDO immediately joined them. The robot had looped a climbing rope around his metal shoulders. He attached the rope to Jake's belt and then to Alaric's belt. Eventually, they were all roped up and FIDO led them out onto the staircase. The robot had changed his footwear into a pair of what looked like rubber boots. Long metal spikes stuck out from the soles. The robot appeared to be perfectly at ease on the forbidding staircase and the party started climbing. By digging in his crampons with a kind of kicking actIon, Jake found he could gain at least a semblance of a firm footing. They climbed three complete turns of the staircase without incident and then Jake told FIDO to halt while he got his breath back. As they rested Jake asked CLEO "What will happen to FIDO when we reach the top?"

"He will be electrocuted!" said the computer. "I will also be electrocuted if the Undead Warrior manages to get close to you! What would be the greater loss? A brilliant robot or a world champion chess player!"

"What about me?" cried Jake, his teeth chattering in the bitter cold of the exposed tower steps. "Surely I would be the greater loss? You are both machines! I am a human who has had bad luck!"

"You cannot be regarded as a human being because you have Elvish ears," said the computer. "You are actually a convicted elvish criminal. You are attempting to atone for your evil past! Move on! Report: This intense cold threatens to freeze up FIDO's joints!"
Chapter 19

The Airborne Cannot wait!

They moved forward, slowly circling the Black Tower. Some of the steps leaned downwards at acute angles so that even with the crampons digging deeply into the ice they were still balanced precariously over the dizzying drop. There was nothing to hang onto and a slip meant would mean certain death.

They advanced to a point about half way up the tower when a bird suddenly. It flew alongside and hovered, wings beating rapidly.

"Blow Torch is worried. He wants a sitrep," the bird croaked.

"We are half way! I intend to shoot the Undead Guardian!" said Jake.

The bird flew off, heading towards the distant Welsh coalmine where the dragon waited. The climbers pressed on, one agonizing step after another, digging crampons into the hard, black ice of the seemingly endless series of steps. As they climbed higher, the cold seemed to becaome more intense.  Jake's feet and hand were numb.

His brain was also numb but that was more or less normal.

Abruptly they reached the final pitch of the tower. They moved slowly upward until at last the staircase ended. The way ahead now crossed a small courtyard at the top of the tower. However, any further progress was blocked by the awesome, frightening figure of a ragged knight in rusted armour.

The figure had a deathly white face.

This grim apparitIon was covered in frost and carried a long bow.

It spoke. "Who visits the Black Tower? Who will join in combat with the mighty Undead Knight to join his collection of frozen corpses?" said the knight in a harsh, deep voice.

He raised his bow with a frozen arrow already notched. "Advance into the arena!  Kill or be killed! Do you wish to fight as individuals or as a tag team?"

"What is a tag team?" Jake addressed his question to CLEO as his small group stumbled up the remaining steps. Finally, they stood at the very top of the tower and unhitched the rope. Behind the knight they could see a low building.

A face was peering out from a small window which was partially clear of snow.

"He has been watching Wrestling on TV," said CLEO. "One wrestler fights until he is almost knocked senseless. But if that person is able to touch a second wrestler in his tag team he is allowed to rest and the second wrestler takes up the fight. However I do not see how a tag team can functIon when the first fighter has been killed! And I do not understand how he can be a tag team on his own when he is only one dead person or one undead knight. Ask him to explain the rules."

"Explain the difference between fighting as individuals or as a Tag Team?" shouted Jake.

"If you fight as individuals I will kill each of you in any order that is convenient," said the Undead Knight. "If you fight as a Tag Team I will program one arrow to kill you in sequence! You cannot kill me because I am already dead! I, myself and I are a complete tag team! We do not require any help!"

"OK, icicle, we'll fight creatively!" shouted Jake bravely. "You won't be able to kill any of us because you will be finally fully dead yourself!"

"I am already fully dead!" the knight replied "To be accurate I am Undead which is more or less the same thing. Are you ready to meet your end, Big Head?"

Jake drew out the Gadder.

With his teeth chattering and with frozen fingers he pulled a stone from his pocket and loaded the catapult.

He turned the control to Maximum PenetratIon.

"I have a brief message for you!" he shouted.

He drew back the Gadder and took aim on the knight. He released the missile. The stone flew, scorching through the air with an incredible rasping sound. The velocity of the stone appeared to be irresistible. However, the Undead Knight could apparently see the stone approaching. He did not even duck! Instead, he watched with interest as the stone smashed into some kind of invisible barrier and vanished with a crackle of flame and a puff of smoke.

"Well," said CLEO. "So much for the idea that his field only stops metal!"

"Was that feeble missile your only challenge?" said the Undead Knight mockingly.

He began to tension the arrow in his bow and aimed at Jake.

"Now what can we do?" cried Alaric. "He will electrocute FIDO with his electrical field. The same horrid field will short out our swords! We have no defense against his arrows! He will slaughter us and add our bodies to his collection of frozen meat!"

"Let's get back down the staircase," said Jake urgently. "We must get out of his line of fire! I definitely need to think!"

FIDO stepped back and took the lead. The robot retreated down the staircase. FIDO reached a point which was out of sight of the Undead Knight. He telescoped out one arm. Remarkably the arm curved and formed a hand rail around the edge of the tower.  Jake and Alaric had something to grasp as they rushed back down the staircase.

Even with this aid they almost fell off, slipping on the treacherous frozen surface.

Finally they both rounded a corner and stopped next to FIDO.

Suddenly the messenger bird appeared, fluttering close by.

"The Airborne cannot wait!!!" cried the bird. " ETA 2 minutes!"

An ack ack gun suddenly began firing from a nearby valley. Suddenly, the immense figure of Blow Torch appeared, mighty wings outstretched, zooming down from behind a cloud. There was a massive blast of tightly focused flame from the dragons mouth. The ack ack stopped abruptly. The dragon then executed a superb Immelman roll and began diving almost vertically towards the top of the tower. The knight appeared to suddenly become aware of the attacking dragon! He raised his bow. But his action was too late. Blow Torch blasted a second burst of intense yellow fire. Bow and arrow both burst into flame and vanished. The Undead Guardian himself appeared to rock on his heels. He tried to reach a sword attached to his belt. His rocking motion intensified as flames played over his entire body. The sword glowed and became white hot before melting.

Suddenly, the knight crashed to the ground and lay still.

Smoke jetted from his blackened armor

He lay inert as Blow Torch landed on the open area of the tower.

The dragon filled a substantial portion of the courtyard.

Blow Torch gazed down the staircase as Jake peered back around a corner of the rock. The dragon inspected the surface of the stairs "All frozen up!" he said. "Stand back and jump up!"

Jake,Alaric hung on to FIDO's outstretch super arm so their feet were in the air.

FIDO stood solidly.

A blast of thinly layered fire scorched down the staircase, melting the ice, revealing pitted black rock below.The steps were completely warm and dry within a few seconds.

Jake and Alaric were now able to move back down from the rail, climb up the steps and join the dragon at the top of the tower.

As they stood surveying the surroundings, a door suddenly opened and two young girls stepped out onto the open space.

"Gemini's!" cried the dragon. "It's them! My riders have arrived! MY RIDERS!!!!" He started hopping around joyfully but stopped when the entire building began to shake alarmingly under the massive impact of his giant feet. The dragon continued: "My wonderful riders are here, the greatest riders in the Multiverse! I have found them! Eureka! Now we will joust the Pernod skies for Glory, Fame and Massive Riches!"

"Good heavens!" said the leading girl. "Glory, Fame and Massive Riches! Your offer sounds too good to be true! But, if we stay here we will eventually be executed on the orders of the mad tyrant who now rules our rightful realm! He is not a good loser! After we both thrashed him in the NatIonal Joust he has been quite unable to forgive and forget! He was initially beaten with my sisters mace which put a large dent in his helmet and gave him a king sized headache! He insisted on continuing to joust. In the second round I caught him with my lance and he fell off his horse! I had the point of my sword at his throat ready for the coup de grace. The crowd roared for the kill! But he pleaded for his life, babbling and bawling like a babe! I let him live! He had us arrested ten minutes later! We were thrown into this tower awaiting execution! How will he react to the dispatch of his Undead Knight? But I run ahead of myself! Let us follow protocol. I am the Princess Gemini One. My sister is the Princess Gemini Two! What is your name, dragon? And what are the names of the good looking boys and the metal man?"

She indicated Jake, Alaric and FIDO

"I am Blow Torch and they are my friends!" said the dragon. "They are Jake, Elf Lord Alaric and robot FIDO. There is a fourth member of the party. The Elvish Princess Cleopatra. She is a trifle.... indisposed and asleep! My friends climbed the Icy Steps and challenged the Undead Guardian in order to facilitate your release!"

"They are heroes then! True heroes! But, how did they come to be here in this backwater of a Universe?" asked the second Princess. "According to our family lore we are not in the normal universe at all. We are in some kind of cul de sac!"

The dragon answered, apparently having full knowledge of Jake's previous activities. "That is true, Riders Gemini! We are all currently in a fractal universe which is a kind of spin off from Universe Zero Plus. The Elvish Princess Cleopatra arrived at planet Earth in Universe Zero Plus. She was accompanied by FIDO and Jake. They had all returned to Earth from Central Power. Elf Lord Alaric joined them on earth. They had several unfortunate happenings which culminated when they attempted to get to Central Power! Instead, they landed in this fractal Universe. And they still need to retrieve two playing cards held on planet Earth in Universe Zero. In that Universe, a group of human soldiers and scientists are investigating events that occurred when Jake first moved! He was at that time living under an oak tree near to a house on Kingswood Drive, Chirnside Park, Victoria, Australia. Alaric and Jake ordered a stressed Multiverse Station to open and it imploded! They were then obliged to flee! Two important data cards, both disguised as playing cards were lost during this flight. Both cards must be retrieved! Riders! This presents me with an Idea. We must prove that we are worthy of our place in the Premier League The proof required is that I can do various complex maneuvers and that that my riders can do anything! We can pass the Competitors Admission Test by retrieving the two datal cards and returning them to this party. The cards are Magical Objects. Getting them will save a great deal of trouble and may even enable Jake to carry out his ultimate plan! He aims to be the great train spotter.

"How fascinating!" the two girls spoke in unison. "We must definitely help our Hero!" They both patted Jake fondly.

Jake blushed scarlet.

The dragon spoke again, his voice booming around the rocky courtyard of the tower. "In any event, we should return to more suitable surroundings. I will convey you! Please assume your fighting positions!"

The two girls seemed to understand exactly what was required. They climbed up and mounted a double saddle. In front of each rider, an assortment of lethal looking weapons gleamed in the dim light.

"What about us?" said Jake.

"It's a long way down! The steps are freezing up again already!"

"Hop on behind and I will give you a lift to the train!" said the dragon. Jake, Alaric and FIDO sat behind the two ladies. Jake had one arm around Gemini Two while Alaric clung on behind him.

FIDO sat at the back of the great beast, firmly attached by some kind of suckers which he had extruded from both hands and feet.

The dragon took off, chortling and singing "Come fly with me!"

They few in a great circle around the tower, gradually descending. Then with his great wings beating rapidly the dragon hovered at a spot close to the station.  Jake, Alaric and FIDO scrambled down, first onto the dragons giant paws and then onto the ground.

The dragon flew off, rising rapidly, turning in the general direction of the coal mine. Jake and Alaric climbed into the carriage and changed back into their overalls. FIDO produced two cups of tea from some unknown store and they relaxed for a short break.

Jake reviewed his scanty plans. .

They must first get back into Universe Zero, in the year 2010. He would find his parents and explain that he would be away for a while. He needed to cop all the namers! He knew that CLEO had a Time Machine so he could travel back to 1952. He would allow CLEO to spot with him in order to avoid conflict! He had far greater plans than copping the lot for only one year! His target was all namers for all time! He could afford to share a little glory. CLEO could print a Super Platinum Rail Rover. This would allow him to travel anywhere, anytime. CLEO would travel in his satchel with his sandwiches. He would also need a book of Shed Passes, money for food, a sleeping bag for bunking down in stations and a few changes of clothing. Once he had copped all the LNER namers in 1952 he could move on to the LMS, the SR and the GWR.

Then and only then would he be prepared to help Alaric find this missing Elf Prince.. Following his initial record, he would assist on locating the Elf Prince, he would return to Earth, use the Time Machine and go on to cop every namer on every railway in every year since railways began!

But right now his primary objective must be to Cop the Lot at least for one year! Once he had achieved this ambition he was prepared to take part in a search for the missing Prince. He was motivated in this area by the fact that he would get his normal human ears back and also get massive rewards. The missing Prince must give him a big reward for returning the royal ears in a medical swop. Jake would return to earth and cop all steam namers on every region for every year since 1840! No one could ever surpass such a record!

How many namers were there on all regions between 1840 and 1960?

He asked CLEO. The computer said that there were 72,453 steam namers! Alaric listened patiently but said nothing. The total of possible namers then began to grew significantly. Jake told CLEO to include all foreign railways and their namers. With massive travel funds and a time machine he could actually cop the lot for all time internationally! After about two hours the number of namers from all countries since 1820 had grown to 243,451. Jake pronounced himself satisfied with this figure as the Super Spotters Absolute Target.

But, he still had the problem of getting back to Universe Zero.

CLEO admitted that she did not currently have a solution but she was working on it. Finally, Jake and Alaric left the carriage and climbed back into the engine cab. Jake reversed the engine. They clanked slowly backwards until they arrived at the site of the coal mine. Jake stopped the engine. Looking over the site of the mine they found a large throng busily putting up tables and cooking various items over bonfires.

Strangely, there was no sign of the dragon or his riders.

As the train arrived the people all stopped working and gathered around the engine. They began clapping and then singing softly:

The dragon returned and did a fancy roll,

And then dived into the smoking hole!

Two lovely Princesses cried goodbye!

Gone to a strange home in the sky!

Druids Taff and Taffy hurried forward and climbed into the engine. "Prince Jake!" said Taff. "You have fulfilled the prophecy! But the dragon has kidnapped two girls! Both are lost!"

"What happened?" asked Jake,

"The dragon came back and did a victory roll over the mine !" said the second druid. "Somehow the riders hung on! In fact they waved and shouted Goodbye!  Bravery beyond belief! The dragon dived straight into the coal mine!  He has taken two maidens to his dragons den!"

"The ladies will get riches and fame beyond hope!" said Jake. It was obvious that the druids did not understand his comments. They merely bowed and muttered what sounded like: "Hail to the Mighty Elf Prince!"

Jake gave up on his explanation and climbed down from the cab, followed by Alaric. He said: "Let's get stuck into the feast!"

The twenty course meal that followed provided another memorable occasion. Jake's only regret about such feasts was that they seemed to only occur at very extended intervals. At the end of the feast there was a presentation ceremony. The two chief druids presented Jake with a steam car! The car, a De Dion steamer which had been made in France had been smuggled into Wales. Apparently the druids had been so sure that Jake would come that a considerable portion of the treasury had been used to get a "suitable present." Jake admired the car, an open two seater with a large buggy seat behind. It was fuelled by logs and had a top speed of 20 mph. "You will be able to find plenty of wood along side the road," said the presenting druid. "Water should be refilled every 100 miles or so. We were told to point out that water cans are carried behind the chassis and that should ensure they are refilled whenever you get the chance."

A second presentation was made by a dignitary who had the title of "Jake Jones." This was apparently a title of great importance. This dignitary sang a short song in accompanied by drum, double bass and four guitars. the song was: "Its not unusual to be mad with anyone..." Quite how this fitted to the actual situation was not explained, Following the song "Jake Jones" presented Jake with a steam driven bow. This was quite a remarkable piece of ordinance. The bow had two canisters on either side. The canisters were filled with dry wood and light, The bow then gradually tensed and a short demo showed that it would fire a metal arrow straight through a large tree! Jake then retired and enjoyed a good night sleep.

On waking, he asked CLEO if she had now found any way to get back to "the normal Universe."

CLEO said that she was currently unable to get them back to Universe Zero. She was working on the task. To locate his parents Jake must give more details of his former place of residence. She needed the names of his parents, the names or nicknames of his friends, the name of his school, what hobbies he had, etc. Jake said that he may have lived near to either Picallily or Kings Crossings. The name of his parents must be the same as his own name.. CLEO then pointed out that Piccadilly and Kings Cross were two places which had been featured in a video he had watched while he was held in his original prison.

Could he remember any other place names?"

Jake was unable to remember any other places.

Instead he said: "Conjournicolly!"

Alaric immediately pounced on this word. The Elf Lord said it was an Elvish word which meant "stop bothering me with stupid questions!" This lead to the usual argument about Jake's identity. Jake said the matter could only be resolved by a quick trip back to Universe Zero. CLEO said that such a trip was impossible due to problems with the transfer equipment and the fact that there were in a sub universe.

At this impasse there was a sudden boom in the meadow and a Yellow Cab appeared!

"It is a Multiverse Yellow Cab!" cried Alaric. "Capable of navigated the Multiverse!"

After a few moments a cloud of steam dispersed and a driver peered out of the front cab. He said: "Special Delivery! Package for Prince Jake! Which is he?"

Alaric pointed to Jake and the driver handed over a small package.

It contained the two missing Stuff It cards along with a short note:

"Dear Prince _Jake_ , we knocked out Colonel Viljoen and fifteen soldiers plus a funny little man in a white coat. We have retrieved the enclosed magical objects! Lethal force was not necessary. We used only disabling karate chops! Regret delay but had to win enough funds to pay for a two way taxi trip so you could get home to EBase! We are joustingr next week in the Finals! We hope you will visit us soon. Love everyone at Team Blow Torch!

Alaric was stunned. "How can this be? They only left a couple of hours ago!"

The cab driver looked at him strangely.

"Don't you know anything about the Multiverse?" he said. "Time in this backwater passes extremely slowly. Blow Torch and his team have been fighting for months! Winning everything in sight. They must have made a huge amount even to pay this fare!" he said "It costs a fortune to travel outbound from Central Power. The cost of an inbound defies comprehension! The Multiverse Yellow Cab Company do not normally even offer inbounds! The cab goes back empty! They must have paid a staggering amount to get you an inbound!"

Alaric was overjoyed. His glowing form lit up until he was almost dazzling. "We have finally had a turn of good fortune, Prince Jake! Your brilliant victory at the Black Tower has secured us a ticket home! We have the Stuff It cards and a free trip! You can lead the search for your missing sister, the beautiful and adorable Princess Cleopatra!"

Jake: "The main concern is lack of namers! The namers I got in this wierd dimension don't count. They aren't even listed in a proper ABC! In this dimension there is no Flying Scotsman! There is no Sir Ralph Wedgewood! There is no Nottingham Forest! There are no proper namers at all! Therefore, I must get back to Universe Zero. I MUST COP THE LOT!"

"WE must cop the lot." squeaked CLEO, her voice sounding from Jake's back pack. "It's vital! WE MUST COP THE LOT!"

Then FIDO joined in! "We must all cop the lot!" he said.

"But we have no way of getting back to Universe Zero!" said Alaric patiently. "If we get home to Central Power we can plan a new trip and try again. With the return of Blow Torch we will also share an enormous reward. You can buy your own dimensional ship and try again!"

"Wait!" said Jake, struck by a brilliant idea. "We can use this taxi to get back to Universe Zero! I can find my parents and let them know I am OK. I must either live in Undone or Chirnside Park. I can check both! Then I can spot what's left of the namers and cop the lot! That will at least be something! Once I've got a decent start on copping the proper lot I am prepared to help you find the prince. Then I can get my ears changed back to normal and collect my reward! And then I can really get stuck in! I can buy a time machine and cop the lot for all time, all regions! LNER, LMS, GWR and Southern. In fact, I will do the entire planet for all time! I don't want some freak stealing any of my glory!"

"A freak? A freak? I am not a freak! One region is all I ask!" said CLEO. "One region will also do for me!" said robot FIDO. "I am also not a freak!"

The taxi driver spoke.

"You won't get back to Universe Zero in this taxi! "said the driver. "You can only go to Central Power in Universe One, via Wormhole 772/13. I have programmed my return to Central Power through that Wormhole and I can't make changes at this end. The meter is running!"

He pointed to a meter on the side of his cab.

The dial was whizzing around at high speed.

Smoke was trickling around the machine.

The driver continued. "I suggest you get in, sit down and shut up. If you stay around arguing, I'm off! Gone! Left! Vamoosed! I can say I couldn't find you! You will be stuck forever in this wierdo dump!"

He looked around at the druids.

His lip curled up in a sneer.

"Wierdo dump!" he repeated.

"Prince Jake, with my share of the enormous reward I can pay off my debts!" said Alaric. "I will even buy you a new transporter! My 60% will get you a trip anywhere in the Multiverse!"

"Your sixty percent!" said CLEO. "You are not due for sixty percent! Jake took all the risks and fronted against that horrible undead thing! As a Prisoner of the Crown he must get 100% so the Elvish Royal Crown will get 100%! And even that input would not be enough for him to pay off his unpaid speeding fines. They are constantly accruing interest!"

"Speeding fines!" cried Jake. "They were pretend fines on a holo car! I don't owe real money!"

"The court will consider that interesting plea!?" said CLEO.

The driver revved up the taxi impatiently.

The entire surrounding environment sJugg.

Jake finally made up his mind .

"I agree that it's best we get back to Central Power!" he said. "Everybody get in!"

He removed his pack and put it onto an empty seat. Alaric climbed aboard followed by FIDO. There was a sudden pop and the craft vanished from view of the assembled crowd.

Chapter 20

Exactly as the bard sang

"Exactly as the Bard sang!" said Taff.

"He came,

He saw,

He conquered,

And then he popped away !"

However, while Jake and his party had popped away from one place they were still traveling through a wormhole and a very peculiar eternity.

The cab rattled and sJugg, vibrating with strange lights and sounds.

Suddenly, Jake's pack burst open and Princess Cleopatra rolled out feet first onto the cab floor. This event was followed by a juddering screech and the light and sound show stopped. They had arrived at Central Power, directly outside the royal palace.

Jake followed the Princess out.

She did not speak but immediately made for a door leading into her private apartment. A squad of robot troopers rushed out from the Guardhouse and arrested robot FIDO. He was body cuffed, hand cuffed, foot cuffed and then carried into the Guardhouse

Alaric seemed bemused.

Eventually, he got his bearings and strode off towards his home near the palace.

The driver climbed out of his cab and now stood with an entirely false smile on his face. "Well, good sire!" he said. "I trust you enjoyed your trip and will reward your heroic driver! A driver who piloted you safely and speedily through that dreadful maze, that fearful jungle, that eerie strangeness that lies between Universes!"

"I have no money!" said Jake.

"You rotten tightfisted punk!" cried the driver.

He looked at the cab meter which had now stopped. "You owe me 3.5 trillIon!"

"But the fare was already paid!" cried Jake indignantly.

"The basic fare was already paid, yes! But you kept waffling on! The meter was running white hot! Three and a half trillion! And we will collect! We have our methods, punk!"

The taxi driver smirked before climbing back into his cab.

The cab vanished with a bright flash and an ear splitting roar.

Regent Ted and P.A Roger 001 came hurrying from the Palace.

"Robot FIDO is to be dismantled," said Regent Ted dramatically. "He is not a conventional robot! He is some kind of golden colour when he should be silver! He is believed to be a rebel with some kind of faulty software! And Colonel Viljoen has offered a reward of $10 billion dollars for information leading to your capture!"

He paused : "Have you got the data cards?"

Wearily, Jake handed over the two cards..

He was then allowed a night of blessed rest and another excellent breakfast before being summoned to the Reintegration Machine.

Regent Ted was waiting at the machine.

"Apparently there was some problem with the transfer computer," he said, "But the Princess returned from a holiday last night and she has fixed the machine. It is now working correctly. "

Before Jake could reply, the master computer suddenly spoke. It was the same the same cultured voice which Jake had last heard in Kardiff , an event which now seemed to have happened a few centuries ago.

"FIDO is part of Prince Jake," said the machine. "He must be brought here before reprocessing can begin. The full inventory includes human Jake, Regent Ted, FIDO, and the special Stuff It cards."

A period of urgent messages followed.

Eventually, FIDO was wheeled in by a platoon of robo troops.

The golden robot was secured with pinions on his arms and legs. His waist was fastened to a portable ultra laser which was set on auto in case of any attempt to escape. Since he was unable to move he was brought in on an anti grav trolley.

Alaric then came rushing into the room. He still seemed bemused.

"Prince Jake!" he cried. "Good luck on the transfer! The Princess has been found! Apparently she has been away on holiday, meditating!"

The Reintegration Process then began First, the machine asked for the Stuff It cards. The cards were fed into the machine and inspected. The master computer commented on the process. "These cards provide a record of the Princes genetic sequence -- and two cards have been very roughly treated! It appears they have been inspected by X Ray, and even immersed in acid! Fortunately the actual data sequence remains intact otherwise reintegration would be impossible! Next item should now enter!"

Jake walked in and stopped inside a blue chamber about half way down a long tube. Regent Ted followed. There was a puff of red smoke and a robot butler walked out of the tube. The persona of "Regent Ted" had vanished. A globe in the centre of the machine began to glow.

The glowing light became intense.

Finally, FIDO walked into the machine.

The globe began to pulsate rapidly,

A bolt of lightening suddenly flashed downwards FIDO's head. The robot jerked. An Elvish aura began to shine brightly around his body. Quite suddenly the metallic body vanished and the actual Elf Prince Jake appeared! Looking bemused he walked out from the machine. He was followed by Jake, who now had human ears!

Alaric stood transfixed at this unexpected event.

"Gesontimo Alaric!" said Prince Jake. "That was damned strange! I thought I was a robot and now I find that I am actually an elf! "

"And I thought he was you!" said Alaric, pointing at Jake.

"And I knew I was not the Prince," said Jake. "I thought Windsor seemed strange..My actual second name is Boyle."

"Correct, Jake Boyle! I am, of course, Prince Jake Windsor I arranged for you to visit Cerne on a school trip. You were transported to Central Power via the Large Hadron Collider which intersects with the Multiverse Railway. You were hired to be my human lookalike on my special train spotting trip!" said the Prince. "Cleopatra was worried that I might cop the lot and beat her! You were there as my cover! Your task was to divert any cops or military so I could get back to a Gateway. You would be safe as you are human. And you would be rewarded when your large internet blogging debt was paid. A simple, fool proof plan!"

Alaric: "Sire, what happened to the simple, fool proof plan?"

Prince Jake: "I planned to leave quietly.But Cleopatra found out! She was incredibly angry when she discovered we were about to leave for Earth! She was livid! Raving mad! She turned blue with rage and then insisted on coming! The fact that we only had two first class Multiverse Express tickets made no difference. She forced her way in! The translation machine could not handle the load and conked out! The result was a full scale translation error! And after all that we only got one namer!""

He walked over and put his arm around Jake's shoulder.
Chapter 21

Compulsion!

"But, you Jake, you have been a fantastic lookalike!" he said. "It's a shame that you were unable to spell! That was caused by the faulty translation. The machine was still trying to please the Chief Programmer. It gave CLEO every possible chance to put you in what she thinks is your proper place, To be blunt, in her mind your proper place is under her heel! The translation machine tried to carry out the translation program which was mainly centered on Cleopatra being in control of everything! This is what she said when we were about to leave. "I must be in total control and I must be invulnerable!"

The only way the machine could carry that out was to provide a prison and make her the computer warder! She was in total control and invulnerable. I thought I was robot FIDO and I had to obey CLEO! That was probably a reflection of what the Princess normally wants! She wants me and everybody else to obey her! She hates the idea that I will actually be in charge of Central Power some day. And after that disaster of an interdimensional train spotting trip, unfortunately, I will remain the royal elf who failed to cop the lot! "

"And I am the human who failed to cop the lot!" said Jake. "

He thought for a moment and then cheered up.

"However, I suggest a new plan! I have a massive reward from the Gemini's. I intend to buy a single seat transporter and a time machine and go back to earth in 1962 to cop the lot! Then I might do all regions back to Rocket, then the rest of the railways across the whole planet! I will cop a vast treasure which can never be duplicated. The boy who copped the whole lot for all time!"

"That is not very likely!" said the voice of Princess Cleopatra. She walked regally into the room and continued: "I would remind you, Jake, that you are wanted as a fugitive on earth! There is a huge reward on you! The fact that you now have peculiar shrunken ears will not save you! The UFO military people will believe you have had cosmetic surgery! Many crooks like you have such alterations for the purpose of disguise!"

"Oh," said Jake. "Now I have become a genuine wanted criminal! A schoolboy who is a wanted criminal as a result of you forcing yourself into our party!"

The Princess did not appear to hear him.

She said: "You have, of course wasted the enormous reward paid by Pernod for the return of their dragon. My own personal rule is waste not, want not!"

"What do you mean, waste?" said Jake. "The reward was gigantic! I must have plenty of money. Enough to get the equipment and do the job, cop the lot!"

Princess Cleopatra continued coolly: "That is incorrect. First, the funds were actually sent to Prince _Jake_! You are not Prince Jake and therefore even if any funds remained they would not be your property! In any case, there are no funds left! You kept a Multiverse Yellow Cab waiting while the meter was running! Incredible! What astonishing stupidity! Treasury have already paid that bill, taking much of the remaining reward from Pernod! Finally, you..." she pointed at Jake again: "You had an unpaid Internet account for $60,000! That's the primary reason why you agreed to help my idiot brother! You only caught the train spotting bug yourself once you were in jail. As for my stupid brother, he agreed to pay off your bill in exchange for you acting as his bodyguard! All this on a train spotting trip to your home universe! Your huge Internet account bill was incurred because you were constantly playing an infantile internet computer game in which you took the part of the Wizard of the Solar System, _Jake_ Windsor! How perfect! You chose the name of the actual Elvish Prince in order to squander money playing a stupid game! And my moron brother offered to settle your bill in exchange for some kind of useless service in which you would act as his look alike bodyguard! That bill has also been paid. Balance now zero!""

She turned to the Prince. "Both of you two bumkins are now well and truly stuffed! The train spotting record is still there for the taking! One day, someone, somehow, someone will cop the lot But it definitely will not beyou or this bum!"

"This has all occurred because of your incredibly violent temper!" said the Prince calmly. "You forced yourself into the traveling party! In an attempt to protect you from danger I had only booked tickets for Jake and myself! I intended to make sure that Universe Zero was safe before exposing you to the trip."

Princess Cleopatra. "Exposing me! How ridiculous! How would any one on earth have recognized me? I would have simply posed as a normal train spotter."

"Well, posing as a normal human train spotter would not have been all that simple," said Jake, "You do have rather noticeable ears. They are not at all common on Earth! "

Princess Cleopatra. "Rubbish! I would have worn a scarf fastened with a diamond tiara! Possibly set with emaralds or rubies!"

Prince Jake broke in: "You caused all these problems through your own violent temper! In any case, the whole mess was engineered your half witted friend the translation computer. It could not handle the computing parameters that you demanded. It went bonky and mixed us all up, with you in the controlling role of "computer warder." What a shame! Bossy, temperamental and now the Earth Chess Champion! Typical! On top of everything else and your litany of errors you were absolutely raving angry at poor Jake! Simply because I had dubbed him a Knight! You believe all such appointments must be approved by yourself, Miss Superstar!"

There was a tight silence.

Princess Cleopatra: "Miss Supestar? Miss Superstar? Is that how you think of ME? I am always kind and thoughtful! I do not carry an ounce of pretension! I even put up with this disgraceful human being who you have made a Knight without real authority. You had no approval, nothing from father or mother and most importantly nothing from me! He is not a proper Knight! And how dare you address me as Miss Superstar! What a disgraceful thing to say about your own wonderful,caring,brilliant sister! "

She burst into tears and stalked out, leaving an uneasy silence.

Chapter 22

Penny Banger

"Well, Jake," said Prince Jake, recovering. "That's got rid of her! It appears you are now debt free so you can return to earth immediately. We will unfortunately have to abandon our plan to jointly cop the lot. But by using the time retarder we can put you back at the time and place you started from. You will arrive only a few hours of earth time after you left! Congratulations! Your internet debt has been paid and you are no longer under the thrall of your Internet provider!" He turned to Alaric, "By the way, what has happened to the Entry Structures? We were supposed to commence spotting from a structure in Scotland, somewhere near McBlaney station? But we actually arrived in Australia near Lilydale. Those Ozro dwarves apparently constructed two Underground structures and the one in Australia is being investigated by the UFO mob. What has happened to the Entry Structure in the north, in Scotland?"

"Still there, Your Majesty. Close to McBlaney station. It is a desolate spot so I believe it will be left to gradually rot away."

Prince Jake: "Well, Jake, you have come out of this well! Out of debt and out of thrall! A good outcome!"

"I may no be out of thrall but I have not copped the lot!" said Jake feverishly. "Surely, you know how it feels! This gnawing hunger! To be the immortal lad who copped the lot. What about a proper Royal thanks? What about a portable time machine, a transmitting camera, a load of old banknotes and small change, a universal Shed Pass, a universal meal ticket valued at any station cafe and brand new spotters ABC's -- for all four British regions?"

He thought for a moment and then rushed on.

"And ABC's for all the other countries, going back as far as possible. I will set the absolute limit! Copping the lot from the first edition of every ABC to the final editions! And you do not have to be left out! As I cop the lot you can share the glory! You can give me a transmitter so I will send back videos as I get the cops. You will also cop the lot in absteria!"

"Also?" said Prince Jake. "I will also cop the lot? By watching videos! That is obviously cheating and I am the Prince! If anyone is to cop the lot it must be me! I would remind you that you are the penny banger!"

"What does that mean, the Penny Banger?" said Jake.

Alaric: "It means you were to be sacrificed if the Prince was threatened! The ultimate role of a Knight of the Oval Table. To commit Hari Kari! To offer his life for the royal person."

"Sacrificed!" said Jake. "Offer my life for the royal person? Hari Kari! Hari Bullshit! I have never agreed to that!"

Alaric looked distressed.

"Your Majesty!" he said to the Prince. "Jake is still a commoner! He has no knowledge of knightly protocol. He should be sent back to Earth and left to stew."

Prince Jake meditated on this suggestion.

Finally, he summoned two guards. Jake was pinioned and carried into a robot driven vehicle. It had appeared in a small bay abutting the room. Prince Jake raised one hand in salute as Jake was pushed aboard.

The vehicle whizzed off into what started as darkness but rapidly became a kaleidoscope of violent light and sound. After what seemed to be hours of this nauseous display, and a strong feeling that he would be horribly sick, Jake found himself back inside the Large Hadron Collidor beneath the Cerne Nuclear Facility. He now recalled getting into a similar floating car before his wild adventure began. He climbed out shakily.

The robot vehicle vanished into the curve of the Accelerator tunnel. There was a muffled explosion as it disappeared from Universe Zero. 
Chapter 23

Scotch Hop

Jake's form teacher, Mr "Toothy" Slack then appeared from an alcove. He was grinning from ear to ear, clearly demonstrating why he carried the knickname "Toothy" Slack. "Ah, there you are, Boyle," he said. He seemed immensely relieved. "We have all been searching for you! I thought you had been kidnapped! Or swallowed by a mini black hole! Or that your Internet service company had located you and knocked you off for non payment of your debt! Your body could have been stuffed somewhere in the tunnel or possibly used to generate experimental particles! I was actually about to phone your parents in Nepal and alert them to your disappearance! Not that I could have contacted them as on last report they were both two thirds of the way up K2, following an exciting new route. Anyway, you are back and I have news! An anonymous benefactor has paid your internet debt in full! Summons withdrawn! You are free!"

But was Jake still wanted by the UFO Army?

He asked "Toothy" Slack.

Jake: "Has there been any kind of search for an alien?"

Mr Slack: "There was something on the radio about an alien, this morning. Another UFO flap and a military outfit looking for aliens. There were supposed to be alien spies living under an oak tree in Chirnside Park! There was a huge sum offered for information leading to the arrest of "Jake Windsor", an alien who apparently has huge ears and is armed with some kind of alien weapon! I immediately thought of your Internet gaming name! The announcement was a few hours ago!"

A few hours!

The time machine had worked correctly.

Weeks of action had been compressed into a few hours!

"Toothy" Slack continued: " It was all rubbish!"

"Yes, all rubbish," said Jake. He thought: "The kind of rubbish that can get you imprisoned by an Elvish Princess who has turned into a computer.The kind of rubbish that gets your head festooned with massive ears, pursued by trainee wizards and entire army divisions. Rubbish that carries the definite possibility of being put in front of a firing squad."

But the important thing now was that he had his own ears back. And his massive internet debt had been paid, presumably by the elves Royal Mint. He was back to normal. He was free of debt and yet...... he was not free of a nasty compulsion which he had somehow picked up. A compulsion to cop the lot, to spot every named steam engine! To underline every namer in his ABC! An ABC which he still clutched in his hand. Once completed, with every namer underlined, it was an ABC which would be shown to cheering crowds of schoolboys! Examined in detail by officials from Railway Magazine who would marvel at his dedication and sheer talent. The editor would feature pages of namers,photographs and notes giving details of every cop! And pictures of himself, sooty and disheveled but standing in a grand pose. The lad who copped the lot!

But how? It was now 2015. The the bulk of his steam engine quarry had vanished many years ago! Hundreds of beautiful steam namers, wantonly destroyed in the name of progress! He could now only spot the handful which remained.. He could cop the remaining lot. But was it enough? What about the namers already sent to the breakers yards, cut with welding torches, smashed into raw metal, melted down to become consumer goods!

Copping the Lot meant seeing all the namers as they had been, complete and perfect, smelling of coal, smoke and steam, rolling past with grace and thunder, pulling immensely long trains Only that could slake his raging thirst! But now he was trapped. Trapped in time! Even now the Princess was probably cooking up some new plan. Plotting to get herself back to earth with a time machine. To beat her brother and smash his puny human assistant! And the royal cow would be fully equipped! Special camping gear, food machines, portable loo, a robot maid to help with bathing, make up, etc. Recording robots to keep notes and make vids. She would not want to spot in poverty! Only the best for her! Finally she would cop the lot! Which meant, of course, that she would be....

The girl who copped the lot!

What a horrible thought!

Somehow that possibility must be averted. Jake had finally realized his sacred duty. Fate had put him into the position of representing all boys on earth and elsewhere! The person who copped the lot must be a boy! Somehow, he must get a time machine, a universal shed pass, a suitcase full of money and a set of ABC's for every year back to whenever...

There must be a way!

Could he find a time machine somewhere? An experimental model? There was risk. In an experimental time machine he might finish up in a black hole. He might get crunched, fried, flash frozen or eaten by a giant worm! Yet it was a risk he had to take!

He must get back to his computer! Get cracking.

1) Search for time machine projects.

2) Volunteer to be a test pilot.

3) Get a load of old British currency.

4) Get back to 1968 and hide the machine in a secure place

5) Cop the lot for 1968! That would mean all four regions.

6) Retrieve the time machine and go back five years. Cop the lot.

7) Repeat until he arrived at the time where railways began!

8) Return to the present and publish his results in Railway Magazine.

Fast forward...

Jake was now sitting in his room at his Swiss hotel. He had been feverishly surfing the Internet, looking for time travel projects. Then his investigation s were interrupted when a hotel employee knocked on the door and told him that he had to pack for his flight back to Australia. This message brought a flurry of activity from Jake. He had no intention of returning to Australia when he could make a start on his ambition. He could at least cop all the remaining steam namers in Britain.

Jake rapidly filled a backpack, pushed his notebook computer into its special compartment and stuffed his passport, money, ABC's and other vital documents into his pockets. He left the hotel by climbing down the fire escape and getting a cab on the main road nearby. A few hours later he was in London. Now he needed somewhere to live while he commenced spotting all the remaining British namers. In his spare time he could then work out how to get a time machine in order to complete his full mission. He suddenly had an idea. Prince Jake had asked about a second underground building in Scotland. Apparently the elves did everything in duplicate, A second underground hideout had been constructed by the dwarves close to...where was it? MacBlaney Railway Station.. It must be still there! It would contain food supplies and drinks. They were probably all bottled or tinned so they would still be OK.

Jake had enough money to buy a ticket to MacBlaney.

Jake purched a packet of chips, a hot dog and some pop.

A short time later he was dozing on a fast electric train which took him up the East Coast Main line at 125mph. At Edinburgh he changed trains. He was now obliged to request a stop at MacBlaney. Finally he reached that remote station. Jake stepped onto the platform. He watched his train move smoothly away. Its lights faded into the semi darkness of the moor which closed in with an eerie feeling. Jake shivered but then pulled on his backpack and started walking alongside the track.

Despite keeping a sharp lookout, he almost missed the entrance he was seeking.. He actually found it marked by a large rock. The entrance was overgrown with thistles and blackberries. Eventually, Jake forced his way through the undergrowth and clambered down the rocky staircase inside. At last he felt safe. He was home! Jake fumbled in the darkness at the top of the steps and found a switch. He pressed it, reflecting on the fact that it might have been a good idea to buy matches and candles. But the lights suddenly came on! The Elvish power source was still working!

Jake dropped his gear and started rummaging. He found tins of beans, canned sausages and several bottles of Twisty Water! Moving to the Jakechen,Jake found a duplicate heater and a food input device. He would lack for nothing! He was able to serve a satisfying dinner. He was not yet in 1982 but he could train spot on the line next door, collect what came through and work at it.

He dusted off the sheets and climbed into the bunk.

He snuggled down.

But he had only dozed for a few moments when the quiet of his refuge was broken. A Multiverse taxi materialized in the corridor with a loud roar and a dazzling display of frenzied lights. Prince Jake had arrived! The taxi vanished as Jake braced himself for some kind of attack! But the Elf Prince was totally remorseful! He had treated Jake badly! It was due to the stress of discovering that he had been in several parts and needed reassembly! But now he wanted to atone! To retrieve his royal honor. He had secured a time machine! With it, everything would go perfectly. Prince Jake suggested they should spot LNER,1952.

They would jointly cop the lot (spot all the LNER namers.)

If Prince Jake was caught, Jake would not need to commit Hari Kari because Prince Jake had a demogifier which would take him directly to the nearest Multiverse Express station so he could travel back to Central Power. Jake would have to look after himself but as he would carry the Time Machine that should not be a problem!

The time travelling spotters then split up their belongings. Prince Jake said he normally had a royal assistant who would carry his money. He asked Jake to carry the Royal Purse. It contained five hundred pounds which Jake put in his wallet. Prince Jake was already packed and it took only a few moments for Jake to refill his rucksack.

They were ready to rumble.

They climbed up the rough staircase and trudged trackside to McBlaney station, crunching through loose gravel. It was now very early in the morning, around 2am. The railway was deserted, with only a signal light shining some distance away.The surrounding moors were bleak and eerie. Fog roiled around in the distance. An owl hooted mournfully. They walked through a damp, dark tunnel under the railway. Their footsteps echoed. The tunnel walls dripped. They climbed a staircase up to the platform. A stifled cough caught Jake's attention and he spotted a young man wearing a kilt and a deerstalker hat. The man was slumped on a platform seat, apparently asleep. The hat covered his features. He ignored them .

"Since the time machine is only programmed to project two people," said Prince Jake quietly, "It will not affect that guy waitng for a train."

He unpacked the time machine from its case. Several dials shone brightly, producing a pool of green light. Prince Jake and Jake stood in the lighted area, with darkness all around. The figure on the seat did not appear to notice. Prince Jake adjusted a knob to show 1952.

He pressed a button. There was a flash and a loud report.

To be continued _Peter Magycon_

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