
**10 SECRETS**

**TO A BALANCED**

**SUCCESSFUL &**

**HAPPY LIFE**

Chandru Gidwani

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**Dedicated to**

**JAI AMBE MAA**

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**Contents**

FOREWORD

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

UNDERSTANDING BALANCE,

SUCCESS & HAPPINESS

**SECRET # 1**

BUILD CHARACTER

**SECRET # 2**

DEVELOP A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE

**SECRET # 3**

CREATE HARMONY IN HUMAN RELATIONS

**SECRET # 4**

LEAD

**SECRET # 5**

EXERCISE THE POWER OF CHOICE

**SECRET # 6**

MASTER SELF MANAGEMENT

**SECRET # 7**

MANAGE STRESS

**SECRET # 8**

PRACTICE THE LAW OF GIVING

**SECRET # 9**

UNLEASH THE POWER OF YOUR SUB-CONSCIOUS MIND

**SECRET # 10**

BELIEVE IN GOD - THE POWER OF FAITH & PRAYER

PRACTICAL EXERCISES FOR SELF DEVELOPMENT

SELF EVALUATION

**Foreword**

The success of my first book "The Treasure Imperishable" has prompted my venture with this book. Born to a broadminded Hindu family, my siblings and I were taught that however one addressed the Almighty - as God, Jesus Christ, Bhagwan, Satguru or Allah, it all meant the same. We were exposed to various religious philosophies and in our youth we attended Satsangs and discourses by Sadhu Vaswani and Dada Jashan Vaswani. We also attended religious gatherings of Sufi Sai Nasir Fakir, Meher Baba, Dr. Rochaldas, Dada Hari, Dada Tejumal and Dada Mulchand. Their message of the universal need for love and consideration at all levels of human relations, from individual to global concerns, transcends all religious and cultural boundaries. All these men are luminaries in their own right and in my opinion, nothing short of sainthood.

Thanks to my parents, I was also exposed to books by internationally acclaimed gurus of self-development. The works of authors like Norman Vincent Peale, who wrote numerous books on positive thinking, and Dale Carnegie, famous for his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," among countless others left an indelible impression on my tender mind.

This background, combined with my engineering degree and scientific bent of mind, and the exposure I have had to management training at institutes like the Bombay Productivity Council, National Institute for Training & Industrial Engineering, Central Labor Institute have helped me to view life from varied perspectives. My participation in Dr. Bharat Chandra's "Winners" workshop and the "RYB" program helped me to re-charge my batteries, in preparation for the publication of this book which has been a mission.

Since self-development is a subject very close to my heart, I have studied books, articles and writings of a great number of philosophers and psychologists. I believe there is no limit to the amount one can improve the quality of one's life. A thousand mile journey begins with a single step. Admission of ignorance is often a first step in our education. I have aimed to condense what I have learned and experienced in this 'capsule' of a book. The presentation of complex concepts in an easy to understand and concise manner has helped further my own understanding and I sincerely hope to it helps those who read this book.

Many who achieve an incredible degree of outward success struggle with an inner hunger for healthy relationships with people even in their own family. Success and happiness mean different things to different people. In order to try to understand their meaning in totality, I have included different perspectives on success and happiness so readers may arrive at their own personal definitions. Balance in life is integral to peak performance in all spheres. As such, the importance of creating, finding and maintaining balance cannot be underestimated. I have found that an attitude of acceptance contributes to a personal sense of balance and harmony, but cultivating peace of mind in today's world of strife and struggle is challenging. The most basic objective of this book is to help its readers channel their energy to constructive personal growth to make their lives more meaningful. I must admit that I personally still struggle with some of what I have shared in this book, but the struggle is worthwhile and fulfilling. It gives meaning to my life and enables me to love, to serve and to try again.

Perhaps this captures the sentiment best:

_We shall not cease from exploration,_

_And at the end of all our exploring,_

_Will be to arrive where we started,_

_And know the place for the first time..._

_-T. S. Elliot_

I would like to dedicate this book to making a difference in people's lives.

With friendly good wishes and a sincere God bless, I remain,

Yours cordially,

Chandru Gidwani
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**Acknowledgements**

It is said that there are two ways of shedding light, to be the candle or the mirror that reflects. As a "mirror" I have tried to reflect the light of over 60 "candles" – the well acclaimed authors of books on topics ranging from philosophy and religion, business and management to self-development.

Grateful acknowledgement is made to all the luminaries whose inspirational quotes have been used from works which will live on for hundreds of years to come. I seek pardon from the authors i have not been able to credit.

I wish to especially thank my parents Sh. Mulchand Gidwani & Smt. Savitri Gidwani who inculcated in us a strong value system as a proof of their firm belief that "Character itself is a fortune". Also,

- To my late brother Mahesh (Sonu) for putting me on the right track during my childhood days.

- To my sister Kamal for her inputs to my collections from time to time.

- To my wife Celine for her help in the 18 months research in preparation for the book.

- To our son Avin, daughter-in-law Jinny and daughter Arina for their mature advice and invaluable suggestions in editing this manuscript for the book.

- All friends who have contributed with their ideas, suggestions and articles and especially the BNC Network team.

- Father Joe, Father George and the editing department of St. Pauls Publishing, Mumbai for their positive encouragement and useful suggestions.

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**Understanding Balance,**

**Success & Happiness**
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##### The Big Picture

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You must decide how to balance your life, for only you can see the big picture. Only you know what your commitments and goals are and can hear your inner voice. Learn to listen to your body and trust it. When you get restless, have on hand creative ways to rest, delight, and renew yourself. When you are working too hard, your body tells you to slow down and take a break. The same is true of play. If you are playing and get restless and distracted by thoughts of work, your sub-conscious may be telling you that it's time to get back to work. By trying to keep the big picture in mind, you will see that work and play are both essentials of a balanced, fulfilling life. Then, when you are trying to have fun but keep thinking of work, you can work or plan for a while and again release your capacity to play.

As you enjoy more family and personal time, you will bring more productive energy, more creative thinking, and a better attitude to everything you do. You will become a better listener and will be less likely to become grumpy, __ pre-occupied, or impatient. Unhappiness is often the result of burnout that happens when we constantly contaminate both our work time and our playtime.

Learning to create a system with which to see your life, not as a series of notes to be played, but as a symphony to be harmonized, will help you find more time and deeper enjoyment of the time you have.

_\- Ann McGee-Cooper and Duane Trammell_

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**God is Happiness**

The only purpose of life is to know God.

Many people may doubt that finding God is the purpose of life;

but everyone can accept the idea that the purpose of life is to find happiness.

God is Happiness. He is Bliss. He is Love.

He is Joy that will never go away from your soul.

So why shouldn't you try to acquire that Happiness?

_\- Paramhana Yogananda_
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##### A Never Ending Journey

Success is never ending because success is like the process of seed planting. Good deeds, honestly offered, immediately are transformed into fertile seeds which when planted will bear fruit!

Success is an evolution, not an overnight achievement; a journey, not a destination; an unending project, never a single, simple accomplishment that stands alone unrelated to the past and disconnected from the future. Success is a never-ending process of going through good times and bad, pleasure and pain, ups and downs, ins and outs!

Once you have reached the mountaintop, don't stop! Until every hungry person in the world is fed; every crying person is comforted; every depressed person has cause to smile again; every discouraged person is encouraged; and every lethargic person is motivated –don't stop possibilitizing. "To whom much is given, from him much will be required," Jesus taught. Success carries with it a wonderfully heavy responsibility to use this new power as a lever to shift the world a little closer to God! Now is the time not to luxuriate, vegetate, or procrastinate, but to dedicate! Now you have a power base. Use it! Now you have influence. Wield it! Now you have success. Share it! On the peak catch a peek – a new vision, a new dream, a loftier goal! Don't stop at the top!

_\- Robert Schuller_

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**Self Motivators**

Happiness is found in doing,

not merely in possessing.

Happiness is the one asset that

increases when it is given away.

Success is a journey,

not a destination.

When you "arrive" you should

have pride behind you,

love around you and

hope ahead of you.

On the peak catch a  
peek – a new vision,

a new dream,

a loftier goal!

Don't stop at the top.

Success is contingent upon a

higher ideal than the mere

accumulation of riches.

Balance in life will

keep you upright.

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**SECRET # 1**

**BUILD CHARACTER**

_The Importance of Character_

_11 Elements of Character_

_10 Guidelines to Building Self-Esteem_

_Abe Lincoln's letter to his son's headmaster_

_Character is power in a much higher sense than knowledge is. A mind without heart; intelligence without conduct; cleverness without goodness are powers in their own way. But they may be powers only for mischief. It is sometimes as difficult to admire them, as it is to admire the dexterity of a pickpocket, for instance._

_\- Samuel Smiles_
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##### The Importance of Character

- The crown and glory of life is character. It is the noblest possession of a man. Character exercises a greater power than wealth. Character is human nature in its best form. It is moral order embodied in the individual.

_Men of character are the conscience of society._ Even in war, Napoleon said that the moral is ten times more powerful than the physical.

_\- Samuel Smiles_

- My road must be through character to power. I will try no other course. I believe that this course, though not perhaps the quickest, is the surest.

_\- Caning_

- Your character, the quality of your mind, your faith, and your convictions are not subject to decay. It is character that communicates most eloquently - _"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say."_

_\- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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- Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

_\- Helen Keller_

- Universal principles are the guidelines that govern our lives perfectly. These principles have enduring, permanent value. They are fundamental. They are essentially unarguable because they are self-evident. They are fundamental truths and under ever circumstance.

People can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.

_\- Stephen Covey_

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**Self-Motivators**

A majority is one man

with the courage of his convictions.

Character itself

is a fortune.

Men of character are

the conscience of society.

Value your character,

not so much because

it can be seen by others,

but because it can

be seen by yourself.
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##### 11 Elements of Character

**1. ****Honesty & Integrity**

- Truthfulness, integrity and goodness form the essence of manly character. He who possesses these qualities, along with sense of purpose, carries with him a power, which is irresistible. He is strong to do good, strong to resist evil, and strong to bear up under difficulty and misfortune. It is in misfortune that the character of the upright man shines forth brightest. When all else fails, he relies on his integrity and courage.

_\- Samuel Smiles_

- We all know some very prominent and successful leaders who are not too meticulous when it comes to ethics. It is amazing how bright they are in some areas, how they can motivate people, but are still motivated by greed themselves. Greed does have a way of blurring and making fuzzy one's ethics.

_\- Sheila Murray_ _Bethel_

- In developing and maintaining a relationship you too need to demonstrate your trustworthiness. You need to show characteristics like honesty, reliability, acceptance and commitment. If you are mean, suspicious, uncaring, hostile and selfish, people are unlikely to view you as trustworthy.

_\- Richard Nelson-Jones_

**2. Morality & Ethics**

- Belief in high morals means having a personal philosophy based on the ability to know right from wrong. What we believe about right and wrong affects our thinking and shapes our character traits. Morals are a _philosophy._

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- Practicing ethics are the high standards of honest and honorable dealings based on our morals. Ethics are a set of basic working tenets for life and business. How we act and what we do, our methods of functioning, and how we apply our morals is our ethical behaviour. Ethics are _application._

- If you make a list of words related to ethics, it would include morals, integrity, honesty, values, trust, duty, virtue, truth, decency, courage, prudence, loyalty, honor, goodness, fidelity, and conscience. Ethics represent actions based on a concept of right and wrong.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

**3. Virtuous Living**

- It is possible that the scrupulous, honest man may not grow rich as fast as the unscrupulous, dishonest one. But the success will be of a truer kind, earned without fraud or injustice. And even though a man should for a time be unsuccessful, still he must be honest. Better lose all and save character, for, character is itself a fortune.

Worldly success, measured by the accumulation of money, is no doubt a very dazzling thing. All men are naturally, more or less, the admirers of worldly success. But those who seek worldly success alone tend to lose out on character. Invariably, they do not possess a particle of real goodness. He, who knows no higher logic than the tinkle of a coin, may become very rich, but he will remain very poor. Riches are no proof of moral worth.

_\- Samuel Smiles_

- A man may seem to succeed for a while, but if the money he obtained was by fraud it usually takes wings and flies away. When we rob from another, we rob from ourselves, because we are in a mood of lack and limitation, which may manifest itself in our body, home life, and affairs. What we think and feel, we create. We create what we believe. Even though a man may have accumulated a fortune fraudulently, he is not successful. There is no success without peace of mind. What good is man's accumulated wealth if he cannot sleep nights, or has a guilt complex?

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_

**4. ****Forgiveness**

- Forgiveness of others is essential mental peace and radiant health. You must forgive everyone who has ever hurt you if you want perfect health and happiness. Forgive yourself by getting your thoughts in harmony with divine law and order. You cannot really forgive yourself completely until you have forgiven others first.

- Love means wishing for the other health, happiness, peace, joy, and all the blessings of life. There is only one prerequisite, and that is sincerity. You are not being magnanimous when you forgive, you are really being selfish, because what you wish for the other, you are actually wishing for yourself.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_

- Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

_\- Mark Twain_

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**5. ****Courage**

- It takes courage to be a real winner – not a winner in the sense of beating out someone else by always insisting on coming out on top – but a winner at responding to life. It takes courage to experience the freedom that comes with autonomy, courage to accept intimacy and directly encounter other persons, courage to take a stand in an unpopular cause, courage to choose authenticity over approval and to choose it again and again, courage to accept the responsibility for your own choices, and, indeed, courage to be the very unique person you really are. New ways are often uncertain ways and, as Robert Frost expressed it, "Courage is the human virtue that counts most – courage to act on limited knowledge and insufficient evidence. That's all any of us have."

_\- Muriel Jones_

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**6. ****Good Habits**

- Character is necessarily strengthened by the cultivation of good habits. Habit is second nature. As it is said: "All is habit in mankind, even virtue itself."

_\- Samuel Smiles_

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**7. ****Kindness**

- Kindness in words creates confidence

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness

Kindness in giving creates love.

_\- Lao-Tzu_

**I shall not pass this way again**

Though this toilsome world, alas!

Once and only once I pass;

If a kindness I may show,

If a good deed I may do

To a suffering fellow man,

Let me do it while I can,

No delay, for it is plain

I shall not pass this way again.

_\- Anon_
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**Pass it on**

Have you had a kindness shown ?

pass it on.

'Twas not given for thee alone,

Pass it on.

Let it travel down the years,

Let it wipe another's tears,

Till in heaven the deed appears—

Pass it on.

Did you hear the loving word?

Pass it on.

Like the singing of a bird?

Pass it on.

Let its music live and grow

Let is cheer another's woe;

You have reaped what others sow—

Pass it on.

'Twas the sunshine of a smile—

Pass it on.

Staying but a little while!

Pass it on.

April beam a little thing.

Still it wakes the flowers of spring.

Makes the silent birds to sing—

Pass it on.

_\- Henry Burton_

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**8. ****Humility**

- True humbleness is simply egolessness. It is dropping all personality and the decorations that you have accumulated around, and just being like any small child who does not know who he is, who does not know anything about the world.

The humble man knows nothing. He has come back the full circle to his childhood innocence. He is full of wonder. He sees mysteries everywhere. He collects stones and seashells on the beach, and rejoices as if he has found diamonds and emeralds and rubies.

_\- Osho_

- Humility begets blessing that lift a Jiva high in the sky. Thereafter a Jiva cannot be harmed, he cannot be envied, and he cannot be possessed by the subtle ego. These are the advantages of humility.

Humility includes sweet tongue. A humble person, a servant-cannot be harsh in his utterence. He always speaks in a manner that pleases the Satguru. When the Satguru is pleased, he grants his grace. Pleasure of Satguru is a very great thing and a seeker who gets it, is very lucky.

_\- Dr. Rochaldas_

- "If you are going to bow, bow low." Says Eastern wisdom. "pay the uttermost farthing", says the Christian ethic. Leo Roskin taught "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from strong."

**9. ****Patience**

- The patient man is surely one who is unhurried in his mind and who finds it possible to relax within. One thing is sure, so long as the din and jar of life do not get into the inner essence of a man, he is safe.

A ship in a storm at sea may be pounded hard by the wind and waves, but if she has a steady captain and a dry engine room with her motors throbbing on, she will ride out the storm.

_\- N. V. Peale_

**10. ****Unselfishness**

- There is a difference between self-love and selfishness. Self–love means having the personal security, knowledge and skills to be able to affirm your existence. Self-love is based on sufficiency, not deficiency.

Selfishness on the other hand, is a deficiency disease. The selfish person does not love himself too much but too little; in fact he hates himself.

_\- Richard Nelson Jones_

- When you put yourself in the center of all your thoughts, to the exclusion of everyone else, you are close to committing personality suicide. Self–pity and self-interest, are destructive maladies causing the personality to wither and die. A person at any age, under any circumstance, can feel better by reaching out to others. Helpful people are joyous people, and joy "does good, like medicine."

_\- N. V. Peale_

**11. ****Learning From Defeat**

- The battle of life in most cases is fought uphill. To win it without struggle is to win without honor. If there were no difficulties, there would be no success. If there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved. Difficulties must be mastered, if a man wishes to reach the summit of success in self-culture.

You can look at every problem you have in your life as an opportunity for some greater benefit. You can stay alert to opportunities by being grounded in the wisdom of uncertainty. When your preparedness meets opportunity, the solution will spontaneously appear.

What comes out of that is often called "good luck". Good luck is nothing but preparedness and opportunity coming together.

Failure is nature's plan for preparing us for greater responsibilities.

_\- Anon_

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

_\- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

_\- Helen Keller_

**Don't Quit**

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must – but don't quit!

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometime learns,

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow –

You might succeed with another blow...

Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt –

And you can never tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit –

It's when things get worse that you mustn't quit!

_\- Edgar A. Guest_
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**Failure Doesn't Mean...**

_Failure doesn't mean_ you were dumb to try;

it means you had courage to explore and experiment

to see what would work and what would not.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you don't know how to make decisions;

it just means you have to make another decision.

Failure doesn't mean you are a failure...

it does mean you haven't succeeded yet.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you have accomplished nothing...

it does mean you have learned something.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you have been a fool...

it does mean you had a lot of faith.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you've been disgraced...

it does mean you were willing to try.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you don't have it...

it does mean you have to do something in a different way.

Failure doesn't mean you are inferior...

it does mean you are not perfect.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you've wasted your life...

it does mean you have a reason to start afresh.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you should give up...

it does mean you must try harder.

_Failure doesn't mean_ you'll never make it...

it does mean it will take a little longer.

_Failure doesn't mean_ God has abandoned you...

it does mean God has a better idea!

Failure doesn't mean you're finished...

it does mean you have a chance to try something new.

_\- Robert Schuller_
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**10 Guidelines to Building Self-Esteem**

Definition: Appreciating one's own worth and importance and having the character to be accountable for oneself and to act responsibly towards others. Self-esteem is a state of mind. It is the way you feel and think about yourself and others but is measured by the way you act.

_\- Dr. Baharatchandra_

Self-esteem in its multi-faceted ways of expression can be understood by the following ten guidelines for good living:

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**1. Honour and Integrity**

Self-esteem is a sister of integrity; it's the natural result, the byproduct of honourable living. That's why both integrity & self-esteem are affected when we wander from the honourable path.

**2. The Things We Do Daily**

It's a mistake to think that only major achievements count to significantly boost our self-esteem. In fact the opposite is true. How we see ourselves is established more by the thousand and one small things we do daily than by our infrequent moments in the limelight.

**3. Willingness to Sacrifice**

Honour is the foundation of self-esteem. And it is more often gained by the willingness to sacrifice little things many times over.

**4. We Must Work at it**

Enjoying a positive self-esteem is surely one of life's greatest successes. The quality of our lives is dictated by the quality of our self-esteem. To succeed in this arena, means that we pay the same price that is paid for any other kind of success: we must work at it.

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**5. We Must Deal with Ourselves**

All real advances in self-esteem are made when we dare to deal with ourselves. Other people's issues aren't our affair.

The real question is, what are ours? What are our own personal black clouds that keep the sun of self-esteem from shining from our lives ? What character defects are making us want to run away from ourselves? What are our fears, insecurities, and jealousies? These weeds must be rooted out if our garden is to grow.

**6. We Must Make a Contribution**

Self-respect requires that we make a contribution. It's a wonderful thing to become aware of the many graces and benefits we receive in our daily lives. But it's even more wonderful — and much healthier — to become aware of the relationship between give and take. When we tend some roses so that others may smell them, we give back some of the blessings we have received.

**7. A Sense Of Purpose**

A sense of purpose makes self-esteem bloom.

**8. Confidence**

Other people's indifferent or negative reactions to us may have nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Maybe the person we are trying to please can't be pleased. Some people are so full of fear, resentment, and hurt, that their major effect on life is to make everyone as miserable as they are. Obviously, when we look to such people for validation, we look in vain.

I wouldn't give a bank robber my savings to hold. Why should I let negative people take charge of my self-esteem?

**9. Potential for Development**

Just as the oak is in the acorn, we already are most of what we want to be. At least in germ, if not in full flower. The potential for development is, and has always been, with us.

An acorn isn't worthless simply because it's not yet an oak. Neither am I worthless just because I'm not yet what I'm going to be.

**10. Thinking Habits**

What is our everyday mind-set? Is our attention always drawn to the flaws in people and things? Are we quick to notice that the soup is salty and the chairs uncomfortable? If that is our mental habit, the ugliness and human failure all around us will also be apparent. Our self-images will wear those same faces: ugly, sad, failed.

We come up with a different picture, however, if we learn to look for the good. Then we see other commuters on the freeway as fellow workers rather than as wheeled antagonists. Then we become aware of the care and love that cooked our dinner or bought us a birthday card. When we focus on the beauty in the world, knowing well that the opposite also exists, our self-images shine in the same golden light. Let us take charge of our thinking habits.

_-_ _Earnie Larsen & Carol Hegarty _

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**Self-Motivators**

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If you don't stand for something,

you'll fall for anything.

The program we have set up

for ourselves works if 'we' work.

A sense of purpose

makes self-esteem bloom.

Self-esteem is a gift from us to us.

We cannot run far enough

to escape ourselves.

We nourish the bodies of our children,

but how seldom

do we nourish their self-esteem.
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**Abe Lincoln's Letter to His Son's Headmaster**

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States of America (1861 - 1865), is one of the world's great statesmen of all time. Here is a letter written by him to the headmaster of a school in which his son was studying - a letter typical of the man who bore malice towards none and had charity for all.

"He will have to learn. I know. That, all men are not just. All men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every selfish politician, there is a dedicated leader...

Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend. It will take time. I know: but teach him, if you can, that a dollar earned is of far more value than five found ... Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning. Steer him away from envy, if you can. Teach him the secret of quiet laughter. Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick... teach him, if you can, the wonder of books... but also give him quiet time to ponder over the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill side.

In school teach him it is far more honourable to fail than to cheat... teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong... teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with the tough. Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon. Teach him to listen to all men but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he is sad... teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him to scoff at cynics and to be beware of too much sweetness... teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders; but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob... and to stand and fight if he thinks he's right.

Treat him gently; but do not cuddle him because only the test of fire makes fine steel. Let him have the courage to be impatient..., let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order; but see what you can do... he is such a fine little fellow, my son."

_\- Abraham Lincoln_
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#### SECRET # 2

**DEVELOP A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE (PMA)**

_11 Benefits of a Positive Mental Attitude_

_15 Consequences of a Negative Mental Attitude_

_Develop a Positive Mental Attitude_

_The Power of the Spoken Word_

_The Power of Thought_

_Three Parables_

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_Like the wind which carries one ship east,_

_and another west, the law of autosuggestion_

_will lift you up or pull you down, according to the_

_way you set your sails of thought._

_\- Ella Wheeler Wilcox_
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##### 11 Benefits of a Positive Mental Attitude

These are many and easy to see. But what is easy to see is also easy to miss. To mention a few, a positive attitude:

1. Increases productivity

2. Fosters teamwork

3. Solves problems

4. Improves quality

5. Makes for congenial atmosphere

6. Breeds loyalty

7. Increases profits

8. Fosters better relationships with employers, employees, and customers

9. Reduces stress

10. Helps a person become a contributing member of society and an asset to the society.

11. Makes for a pleasing personality

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_

**  
**

##### 15 Consequences of a Negative Mental Attitude

Our life is an obstacle course and we become our own biggest obstacle by having a negative attitude. People with a negative attitude have a hard time keeping friendships, jobs, marriage and relationships. Their attitude leads to bitterness, resentment, a purposeless life, ill health and high stress level for themselves and others.

They create a negative environment at home and work and become a liability to society. They also pass on their negative behavior to others around them and to future generations.

In the journey through life there is a Jungle of Life, a Black Forest through which every individual must pass alone. The enemies who must be met and conquered in the journey are:

1. Fear

2. Greed

3. Intolerance

4. Egotism

5. Lust

6. Anger

7. Hatred

8. Jealousy & Impatience

9. Deceit & Falsehood

10. Insincerity & Vanity

11. Cruelty

12. Injustice

13. Slander & Gossip

14. Dishonesty & Disloyalty

15. Worry

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_

_

_
**  
**

##### Develop a Positive Mental Attitude

A positive mental attitude has many facets and innumerable combinations for its application in connection with every circumstance which affects our lives.

A positive mental attitude has the fixed purpose to make every experience, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, yield some form of benefit which will help us to balance our lives with all the things which lead to peace of mind.

A positive mental attitude helps one to make allowances for the frailities and weaknesses of other people without becoming shocked by their negative-mindedness, or being influenced by their way of thinking.

Beyond positive thinking there is a vital principle without which the former is of little avail. It is _positive believing_. Thinking is the body of the rocket. Believing is the propellant, which carries it to the stars. Thinking is the birth of deed. Believing makes it happen.

One can have better health if he thinks better thoughts, has positive attitude, and controls mental enemies such as hate, fear, and other negatives.

A positive thinking French woman lived in a small house in the Louisiana Bayou country. She loved it. However, she was surrounded by negative-thinking neighbor ladies who grumbled and complained about "living way out there in the lonely, desolate back country."

One day the positive thinker felt she had heard enough. She scolded the disagreeable and disgruntled French settlers, saying, "You live on the bayou. The bayou connects to the stream. The stream connects to the river. The river flows to the gulf. The gulf flows into the ocean. And the ocean touches the shores of the countries of the world. You all have a boat. You can go anywhere from where you are!"

_\- N. V. Peale_

**Positive Mental Attitude is a Habit**

****

- A positive mental attitude is the habit of looking upon all unpleasant circumstances with which one meets as merely opportunities for one to test his capacity to rise above them by searching for that "seed of an equivalent benefit" and putting it to work.

- A positive mental attitude is the habit of evaluating all problems, and distinguishing the difference between those ones can master and those one cannot control. The person with a positive mental attitude endeavors to solve the problems he can control, and so relates himself to those he cannot control that they do no influence his mental attitude from positive to negative.

- A positive mental attitude is the habit of acting with definiteness of purpose, with full belief in both the soundness of that purpose and one's ability to achieve it.

- It is the habit of going beyond the letter of one's responsibility and rendering more and better service than one is obligated to render, and doing it in a friendly pleasing manner.

- It is the habit of choosing a definite goal and marching forward toward its attainment without hesitating because of either commendation on condemnation.

- It is the habit of looking for the good qualities in other people and expecting to find them, at the same time being prepared to recognize unfavourable qualities without being shocked into a negative state of mind.

- It is the habit of facing all the facts which affect one's life, both the pleasant and the unpleasant, and keeping a cool head when unpleasant emergencies arise.

_\- N. V. Peale_

##### Self-Motivators

We wear the chains we forge in life.

Life never is sweet to those

who are soured on the world.

Life is too short to be little.

Nothing can stop the man

with the right mental attitude

from achieving his goal;

nothing on earth can help the man

with the wrong mental attitude.

Avoid making issues of non-issues.

Disagreements, yes;

disagreeableness, never.
**  
**

##### The Power of Spoken Words

****

**Down With "Impossible"**

When uttered aloud, the word "impossible" is devastating in its effect on the subconscious. Thinking stops. Progress halts. Doors slam shut. Research comes to a screeching halt. Further experimentation is torpedoed. Projects are abandoned. Dreams are discarded. The brightest and the best of the creative brain cells nose-dive, calm up, hide out, cool down, and turn off in some dark but safe subterranean corner of the mind. By means of this defensive manouver, the brain shelters itself against the painful sting of insulting disappointments, brutal, embarrassing rejections, and dashed hopes.

Now let someone utter the magic words, "It might be possible! I don't know how, or when, but it might be possible!"

Impossible? You bet its not in my dictionary! That's because "impossible" is a dangerous word!

Impossible? The word has the destructive power of an emotional thermonuclear bomb!

Impossible? That word is a knife thrust at the heart of creativity!

Impossible? That word is a roadblock to progress!

Is it really possible to change someone from a "can't do" to a "can do" person?

Let's unmask the word. We need to label these impossibilities correctly. They may be more honestly called:

- Prejudices!

- Problems to be solved!

- Ignorance!

- Fear!

- Excuses!

- Ego problems!

- Laziness!

_\- Robert Schuller_

****
**  
**

**A Well-chosen Word can Speak Volumes.**

- Words do not just reflect reality, they create reality.

Many children play a little game at dinner. They describe the food they are eating in the most nauseating possible terms: butter is mashed bugs, to choose one of the less colorful ones. The object of the game is to pretend not to be nauseated by these new perspectives on food and to push someone else beyond his ability to pretend. It often works, with someone's appetite suddenly dulled.

As adults we _often_ play this same game.

Is it a "pain in the neck" to do the dishes? Is it "one big headache" to balance your checkbook? Are you "sick and tired" of the weather we are having? Remember, the brain is no subtle interpreter. It says, "This guy's asking for a headache. Okay. One headache coming up."

- It was Benjamin Disraeli who said: "Nature endowed man with two ears and one mouth. Man is meant to talk less and listen more." If man was meant to talk more and listen less he would have two mouths on the two sides of the _face_ and one ear in front. How funny we would have looked! And the ears are made like funnels: they have no doors with which they can be closed. Whereas, if a word has to leave the mouth, it has to cross two fences- the fence of the two rows of teeth and the fence of the two lips. Therefore before a word is spoken we must at least think twice.

Of the spoken word we are slaves: of the unspoken word we are masters. Once a word leaves the lips, it cannot be taken back. Therefore, we must be careful of every word we speak. We should speak less, listen more.

- Words are dynamite. If you constantly use negative words concerning your health, you may stimulate negative forces that can adversely affect you. Words, habitually used, are reflections of strongly held thought, and thoughts can affect internal organs negatively or positively. But this fact also works to your advantage in that, forces favorable to well – being may be stimulated by the constant use of positive words or affirmations. And it is a fact that positive thinking is stronger than negative thinking as faith is stronger than fear.

****

- Another point at which to attack tension is in your conversation or talk. Actually, you can easily talk yourself into being tense. A verbal statement is simply an articulated thought. So, when you talk tension you are thinking tension; and as you think tension you develop a tense state which results in high-tempo talk. Manifestly then, if you stop making tense and nervous remarks you will in time starve the thought that produces tense talking. The process can be encouraged by speaking calmly and by reducing the tempo of speech, using quiet, composed tones and words.

_\- N. V. Peale_

**Just a Word**

A careless word

may kindle strife;

a cruel word

may wreck a life.

A bitter word

may hate instill;

A brutal word

may smite and kill.

A gracious word

may smooth the way;

A joyous word

may light the day.

A timely word

may lessen stress;

A loving word

may heal and bless.

_\- St. Pauls Publication_

****

**Optimism**

Talk happiness. The world is sad enough

without your woes. No path is wholly rough;

Look for the places that are smooth and clear.

And speak of those, to rest the weary ear

of earth, so hurt by one continuous strain

of human discontent and grief and pain.

Talk faith. The world is better off without

your uttered ignorance and morbid doubt.

If you have faith in god, or man, or self,

Say so. If not, push, back upon the shelf

of silence all your thoughts, till faith shall come;

No one will grieve because your lips are dumb.

Talk health. The dreary, never-changing tale

of mortal maladies is worn and stale.

You cannot charm, or interest, or please

by harping on that minor chord, disease.

Say you are well, or all is well with you,

and God shall hear your words and make them true.

_\- Ella Wheeler Wilcox_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

Anything the human mind

can conceive and believe,

it can achieve.

It's not the load that breaks you-

It's the way you carry it.

Think you can,  
Think you cannot;

Either way you will be right!

Success comes in "cans" –

Failure comes in "can'ts".

The pessimist sees

difficulty in every opportunity –

The optimist sees

opportunity in every difficulty.

Picture the glass of your life,

not as half empty but as half full.
**  
**

##### The Power of Thought

**The Law of Auto-Suggestion**

The law of autosuggestion, through which any person may rise to altitudes of achievement which stagger the imagination, is well described in the following verse:

**The Victor**

If you think you are beaten, you are,

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you like to win, but you think you can't,

It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,

For out in the world we find,

Success begins with a fellow's will –

It is all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,

You've got to think high to rise,

You've got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But soon or late the man who wins

Is the man **who thinks he can!**

_\- C. W. Longenecker_
**  
**

##### Watch Your Thoughts

Watch your thoughts, They become your words.

---  
|

Watch your words, they become your actions.

---  
|

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

---  
|

Watch your habits, they become your character.

---  
|

Watch your character, It becomes your destiny.
**  
**

**The Thought Factory**

Suppose you owned a factory. Would you manufacture only goods that you – or anyone else – do not want, do not need, and cannot use? Would you deliberately operate your factory in such a way as to make it definitely harmful to you, the owner? Well, then, consider that you do own a factory, a thought factory. It is inside you, and you are both owner and superintendent. Nothing can happen in that factory without your approval. Nothing can go into it, neither raw materials nor partly manufactured goods, except with your permission. Nothing can come out of it except the products that you yourself design.

"A thought factory! That's what you have inside you," Vash Young said. Take a look at your products. Fear, worry, impatience, anger, doubt. Are you proud of them? Not a bit of it! Your factory is capable of taking the raw materials of experience, mingling them with faith, love, courage, and compassion, and thus becoming a plant worth operating. Your thought factory should produce positive, self confident thoughts which naturally lead to positive, successful results.

_\- Vash Young_

****
**  
**

**Promise Yourself**

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Promise yourself to talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

Promise yourself to make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

Promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

Promise yourself to think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

Promise yourself to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

Promise yourself to forget the mistakes of the past and to press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Promise yourself to wear a friendly countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

Promise yourself to spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.

Promise yourself to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

_\- Christian D. Larsen_

****

**Don't Worry – Be Happy**

Ain't no need to worry

About the things to come

Forget about your problems

And face them one by one.

Ain't no need to worry

About what might have been

Just trust the Heavenly Father

And let that be the end.

Ain't no need to worry

About things unknown to you

Have faith in God and rest assured

That he will see you through.

\- _Earline Ross Cole_

__

__

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__

__

__

__

__

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**Ideas**

Treat ideas like newborn babies.

Treat them tenderly...

They can get killed pretty quickly.

Treat them gently...

They can be bruised in infancy.

Treat them respectfully...

They could be the most valuable things

That ever came into your life.

Treat them protectively...

Don't let them get away.

Treat them nutritionally...

Feed them, and feed them well.

Treat them antiseptically...

Don't let them get infected with the germs

Of negative thoughts.

Treat them responsibly!

Respond! Act! Do something with them!

_\- Robert Schuller_

****

**Anyway**

People are unreasonable, illogical and self centered.

_Love them anyway._

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

_Do good anyway._

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies _._

_Succeed anyway._

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

_Be honest and frank anyway._

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

_Do good anyway._

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with smallest minds.

_Think big anyway._

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

_Fight for some underdogs anyway._

What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight.

_Build anyway._

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

_Give the world the best you've got anyway._

_\- Mother Teresa_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

If you can dream it,

you can do it!

If you build no castles in the air,

you build no castles anywhere.

What good is a great idea,

if it doesn't get off the ground?

Vision is the art of seeing

things impossible.

I dream of things

that never were

and say "why not?"

**Positive Affirmations**

- Never use the terms, "I can't afford it" or "I can't do this." Your subconscious mind takes you at your word and sees to it that you do not have the money or the ability to do what you want to do. Affirm, "I can do all things through the power of my subconscious mind."

****

- To affirm is to state that it is so, and as you maintain this attitude of mind as true, regardless of all evidence to the contrary, you will receive an answer to your prayer.

Affirm when fearful or angry thoughts came into your mind during the day, "Peace, harmony, and poise govern my mind at all times." Give thanks for all your blessings several times a day. Furthermore, pray for the peace, happiness, and prosperity of all members of your family, your associates, and all people everywhere.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_

- _I am not alone_. God is my friend, my _support_. He is always with me. We are not alone! Practice this tremendous truth until it becomes a positive conviction. I am not alone. Make this personal. You can't live close to God and feel insecure.

_\- N. V. Peale_

You must affirm: _I deserve to succeed; and I have the ability to succeed._ Everyone has within himself latent, innate ability. It probably needs to be honed, educated, trained, and refined, but it can be done.

_\- Robert Schuller_

- "Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better." These words have cured thousands of persons of grimly serious illnesses!

_\- Emile Coue_

- Every morning as I wake up, I say to myself: "This new day comes to me out of the spotless hands of the Lord. I have before me the choice - either to be angry or not to be angry." The choice I make is never to be angry. Then, throughout the day, I keep on reminding myself that I have made the choice and I must be true to it. What may, I must not lose my temper at least for this one day. People may not treat me properly, things may not turn out the way I want them to, but this one day I must never be angry. I may be angry tomorrow, surely not today.

_\- Dada Jashan Vaswani_

__

****
**  
**

**Just for Today**

_Just for today I will be happy._

This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.

_Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires._

I will take my family, my business and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

_Just for today I will take care of my body._

I will exercise it, take care of it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

_Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind._

I will learn something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

_Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways._

I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

__

_Just for today I will be agreeable._

I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

__

_Just for today I will try to live through this day only._

Not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

_Just for today I will have a program._

I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurry and indecision.

__

_Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax._

In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

__

_Just for today I will be unafraid._

Especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.

_\- Sybil F. Partridge_

##### Three Parables

**Don't Build Up Your Troubles**

On the wall a trainer had tacked a large sheet of while paper, in the center of which he had placed a black dot. He asked each salesman in turn what he saw on the paper and each replied, " a black dot." When he had gone the rounds, he asked, "now, does any man here see anything on the paper but a black dot ?" In concert and individually they all affirmed that they could see only a black dot. The sales manager said, "can't any of you see the while space on the paper ?" And added : "that is the trouble with you men. You can see only the black dot and you miss the extensive white space where there are no black dots."

Then he told them to go back to their territories and look for the white space, for the opportunities that were there. There may be in your life many black dots, but never forget there is also a large amount of white space, and it behooves us to form the habit of mind by which we look for the good instead of the bad, for opportunities rather than difficulties. The final result will be to restore life to its true proportions and relieve us from the foolishness of worry.

_\- N. V. Peale_

****

**Discouragement and Doubt**

A significant story tells us how the devil announced that he was going out of business and that he would sell his tools at a discounted price. The tools were attractively displayed. They included self-love, egoism, sensuality, hatred, wrath, greed, envy, jealousy, passion for powers, etc. There was, however, one tool which appeared to be much worn out. The devil was not prepared to part with it except for an exceedingly exorbitant price.

Someone asked him: "What is that?"

The devil answered: "This is discouragement."

The person replied: "Why is it priced so high?"

"Because to me it has proved to be most useful. When all other tools fail, I can, with this single tool, pry open the heart of the man, and do my work. If only I succeed in making a man feel discouraged, disheartened, I can make him do what I like. I have used this tool almost on every man - that is why it is so worn out."

It has truly been said that "the devil has two master tricks." One is to get us discouraged: then, for some time at least, we can be of no service to others, and so are defeated. The other is to make us doubt, thus breaking the faith line by which we are bound to God. Look out! Do not be tricked by either way!

__

_\- Dada Jashan Vaswani_

**Anger The Wild Fire**

There is a story about the great Alexander. As he was about to return from India, he remembered that his people had asked him to bring with himself an Indian yogi. He set out in quest and found a yogi sitting, in a forest, underneath a tree, in a silent meditation. Alexander went and sat in front of the yogi, in silence.

When the yogi opened his eyes, Alexander found that they were lit up with a strange light. He said to the yogi: - "Won't you come with me to Greece? I will give you everything you need. A section of the palace will be reserved for you. Servants will wait in attendance and do your bidding."

The yogi smiled. "I have no needs," he answered. "I do not need servants to do my bidding. And I have no desire to go to Greece."

The point–blank refusal upset Alexander. He was enraged.

Unsheathing his sword, he said to the yogi: - "Do you know, I can cut you in pieces? I am Alexander, the world conqueror."

The yogi smiled again and said quietly: - "You have made two statements. The first is that you can cut me into pieces. No, you cannot cut me into pieces. You can cut only the body, which is but a garment I have worn. I am immortal, deathless, and eternal. And your second statement is that you are a world conqueror. May I tell you, you are only a slave of my slave?"

Intrigued, Alexander said: - "I do not understand."

The yogi explained to him: - "Anger is my slave: it is under my control. But you are a slave of anger: how easily you lose your temper! Therefore, you are a slave of my slave!"

_\- Dada Jashan Vaswani_

****

****

****

****

****

**SECRET # 3**

****

**CREATE HARMONY IN HUMAN RELATIONS**

_Love_

_10 Useful Tips_

_21 Rules of Civility_

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_Not all of us can do great things._

_But we can do small_

_things with great love._

_\- Mother Teresa_
**  
**

##### Love

- If there is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see, it is the language of love!

_\- John F. Kennedy_

- There are too many counterfeit forms of love and too many people who say, "I love you because I need you" or "I love you because I want you" such possessive forms of love are not real. They seek to get something from the other person instead of giving something.

_\- Robert Schuller_

__

- Love and freedom go together – you cannot choose one and leave the other. A man who knows freedom is full of love, and a man who knows love is always willing to give freedom. If you cannot give freedom to the person you love, to whom can you give freedom? Giving freedom is nothing but trusting.

_\- J. Krishnamurti_

- You see a bird on the wing in the sun, in the sky, and it looks so beautiful. Attracted by its beauty, you can catch the bird and put it in a golden cage. Do you think it is the same bird? Superficially, yes, it is the same bird which was flying in the sky; but deep down it is not the same bird because where is its sky, where is its freedom?

This golden cage may be valuable to you; it is not valuable to the bird. For the bird, to be free in the sky is the only valuable thing in life. And the same is true about human beings.

_\- Osho_

- Sharing of affection, however in reality, perfect relationships are as much an illusion as perfect love. Loving relationships do not just involve sharing your strengths. They involve trying to confront and satisfactorily manage your own and other's vulnerabilities and anxieties. There can be strength in this too.

_\- Richard Nelson Jones_

- Love is _defined_ as _making choices t_ hat _affirm both yourself and others in your relationships._ This giving of your yourself may entail receiving another's love. However, my main focus is on the messages you send rather than on those that you receive. Such love is expressed in your daily choices with a range of people and not just in your intimate relationships. To the extent that your thoughts. Feelings and actions affirm rather than hurt others you are a loving person.

_\- N. V. Peale_

- **A Story of Love**

I have a friend whose son developed an avid interest in baseball. My friend wasn't interested in baseball at all. But one summer, he took his son to see every major league team play one game. The trip took over six weeks and cost a great deal of money, but it became a powerful bonding experience in their relationship. My friend was asked on his return "Do you like baseball that much?"

"No," he replied, "but I like my son that much."

_\- N. V. Peale_

- Hatred paralyses life; love releases it.

Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.

Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

_\- Martin Luther King_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

Either we believe in love,

virtue and hope,

Or

We believe in hate,

evil and hopelessness.

If you've got the faith,

God's got the power.

Hope is holding on,

praying expectantly—

it's never giving up,

it's never quitting.

Be a believer – a believer in God.

Be a believer in people, in the future.

Be a believer in yourself.

Trust is the universal lubricant.
**  
**

##### 10 Useful Tips

Relationship skills are difficult to acquire and use on daily basis. They require constant attention. Putting in to practice the ten tips given below will definitely put you in touch with your potential as a caring person and enrich your relationships.

1. No Criticism, Please

2. Show Genuine Interest

3. See from the other Person's Point of View

4. Smile

5. Be A Good Listener

6. Avoid Arguments

7. Control Your Temper

8. Inbred Politeness

9. Develop a Healthy Sense of Humour

10. Be Friendly

**1. ****No Criticism, Please**

- Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

If you observe human nature in action, wrongdoers, blame everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and I are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, let's remember that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home.

Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

**2. ****Show Genuine Interest**

- If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street—both parties benefit.

Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you."

Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and it usually does. In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.

__

**3. ****See from the other Person's Point of View**

- When you go fishing you don't bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, you dangle a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and say: "wouldn't you like to have that?"

Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?

So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don't want your children to smoke, don't preach at them, and don't talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

-  A and B are standing on opposite sides of a curved wall. From A's point of view the wall is convex, while from B's point of view the wall is concave.

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|

**A** **B**

From our point of viewpoint, we can see the wall is both concave and convex. Similarly, when examining a problem or an issue, we should take care to look at from as many points of view as possible, hoping to gain a more complete view.

_\- Jim Young, A Box of Pearls_

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**4. ****Smile**

- You don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.

Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.

_\- Dale Carnegie_

**The Value of a Smile:**

It costs nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

And if some people should be too tired to give you a smile, can you leave one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!

##### Self-Motivators

Keep a smile in your voice.

You are never dressed properly

until you wear a smile.

A smile is a gently curved line

that sets a lot of things straight.

Laughter may be hazardous

to your illness.

A merry heart doeth good

like a medicine.

Laughter is the shortest distance

between two people.
**  
**

**5. ****Be A Good Listener**

- Not only important personages crave a good listener, but ordinary folk do too. As the Reader's Digest once said, "Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience."

- Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

- The reason so many people are poor conversationalists is that they talk about only the things that interest them. That may be deadly boring to others. Reverse the process. Lead the other person into talking about his interests, _his_ business, his golf score, his success - or, if it is a mother, her children. Do that and listen intently and you will give pleasure; consequently you will be considered a good conversationalist even though you have done very little of the talking.

- Being a rewarding listener is a fundamental skill of being a loving person. Below are some of the reasons.

Knowing Another: Loving another person involves knowing them in their separateness and prizing it. Your listening skills help you to know them on their terms.

Knowing Yourself: **** Listening effectively to other provides you with valuable information about yourself. Though you may not always like what you hear, remaining open to others gives you the opportunity to grow from their feedback.

Building Trust And Stability In A Relationship: Rewarding listening also builds trust and stability in relationships by helping partners prevent and manage problems. If partners are able to say what they think and feel, misunderstandings are less likely to occur based on misperceptions of each other's positions

Bridging Age, Sex And Cultural Differences: If you relate to someone with a different set of life'' circumstances, they can greatly assist you in understanding them if you reward them by listening well. Similarly, if they are rewarding listeners for you, together you build bridges and not walls.

_\- Richard Nelson Jones_
**  
**

**Listen To The Children**

Take a moment to listen today

To what your children are trying to say

Listen today, whatever you do

Or they won't be there to listen to you

Listen to their problems, listen for their needs

Praise their smallest triumphs, praise their smallest deeds

Tolerate their chatter, amplify their laughter

Find out what's the matter, find out what they're after our

But tell them that you love them, every single night And though you scold them, make sure you hold them,

And tell them "Everything's all right".

If we tell our children, all the bad in them we see

They'll grow up exactly how we hoped they'd never be

But if we tell our children, we're so proud to wear their name

They'll grow up believing they're winners in the game.

Take a moment to listen today

To what your children are trying to say

Listen today, whatever you do

And they will come back to listen to you!

_\- Anonymous_

__

**6. ****Avoid Arguments**

- There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.

- Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.

- You can't win an argument. You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.

_\- Dale Carnegie_

- You may have heard this one:

Here lies the body of William Jay,

Who died maintaining his right of way –

He was right, dead right, as he sped along,

But he's just as dead as if he were wrong.

_\- From The Boston Transcript_

- You can be seduced into an argument with someone, find yourself all upset, your blood pressure up, your ulcer seeds planted, moving toward violence, and then leave the situation, calling that normal. But it is not normal, it is self-defeating victimization.

_\- Dr. Wayne Dyer_

- You can learn the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable, and you can stand up for yourself without being cantankerous.

- The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face.

_\- Sydney J. Harris_

**7. ****Control Your Temper**

- Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

- The destructive consequences of anger scarcely require stating. Its two main negative forms are hostility and withdrawal. These behaviors can lead to alienation and distress in relationships to the point of total breakdown.

- Anger can also have positive consequences. Possessing angry feelings does not in itself destroy relationships, but handling them poorly may do so. Anger can be a _signal_ for yourself and your partner that something is wrong and requires attention. This should be a cue to examine your own behavior and not just that of your partner. It can be an _energizer_ leading to assertive requests for behavior change and to confronting festering conflicts. Also anger can be a _purge_ so that afterwards you may calm down and be more rational. In a loving relationship partners can work out rules that allow their anger to be used for constructive purposes such as the above rather than to tear each other apart.

_\- Richard Nelson Jones_

**8. ****Inbred Politeness**

- The gentleman is distinguished for his self - respect. He values his character, not so much because it can be seen by others, but because it can be seen by himself. And as he respects himself, so does he respect others. Humanity is sacred in his eyes. From it come politeness and forbearance, kindness and charity.

- "Civility," said Lady Montague, "costs nothing and buys everything." The cheapest of all things is kindness. To use it requires the least trouble and self-sacrifice. "Win hearts," said Burleigh to Queen Elizabeth, "and you have all men's hearts and purses." Little courtesies may separately appear of little intrinsic value. But they acquire importance from repetition and accumulation.

- Manners are the ornament of action. There is a way of speaking a kind word or of doing a kind deed, which greatly enhances their value.

- Gentleness in society is a silent influence, which gives color to all nature. It is far more powerful than loudness or force, and far more fruitful. Even a kind look will give pleasure and confer happiness.

- Always gave suggestions, not orders. Instead of saying, for example, "do this or do that," or "don't do this or don't do that." One could say, "you might consider this," or "do you think that would work?" Always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never tell your assistants to do things; let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes.

\- _Samuel Smiles_

**9. ****Develop a Sense of Humour**

- We often laugh at the oddities and weaknesses of others but not at our own. We must learn to laugh at ourselves.

- It has been rightly said that the person who can laugh at himself is a delight to be with: he applies to his ills and errors the most soothing balm the human spirit has desired – laughter.

_\- Dada Jashan Vaswani_

__

- Swami Vivekananda once thundered to his disciples "What business do you have with clouded faces? It is terrible. If you have clouded faces, do not go out that day, shut yourself up in your room. What right have you to carry this disease out into the world?"

_\- Swami Vivekanand_

- Laughter, provides a rhythmic movement of the abdominal muscles, gently massages the intestinal organs, improves digestion and blood circulation.

_\- Dr. Wild_

- New clinches and prescriptions given by modern physicians are being displayed in hospitals and clinics. "Laugh your way to health"; "Laughter may be hazardous to your illness"; "Cheerfulness is the new wonder drug" are some of them.

- Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

_\- Victor Borge_

**Then Laugh**

Build for yourself a strongbox,

Fashion each part with care;

When it's strong as your hand can make it,

Put all your troubles there;

Hide there all thought of your failures,

And each bitter cup that you quaff;

Lock your all heartaches within it,

Then sit on the lid and laugh.

Tell no one else its contents,

Never its secrets share;

When you've dropped in your care and worry

Keep them forever there;

Hide them from sight so completely

That the world will never dream half;

Fasten the strong box securely –

Then sit on the lid and laugh.

_\- Bertha Adams Backus_

- Laughter lowers the pulse rate and blood pressure, and, because it encourages deeper breathing, also increases the supply of oxygen to the tissues. It provides a natural high by increasing the production of endorphins – neurochemicals responsible for enhanced positive mood and feelings of confidence in the brain. Vigorous laughter induces muscle relaxation, reducing the effects of stress.

- Except man, no animal in the whole existence has a sense of humour. Can you expect a buffalo to laugh? Can you expect a donkey to have sense of humour?

_\- Osho_

**__**

**10. ****Be Friendly**

- Never ask, "Who is my real friend?" Ask, "Am I a real friend to somebody?" That is the right question. Friendship need not be addressed to anyone in particular; that is also a rotten idea, that you have to be friends with a certain person – just be friendly. Rather than creating friendship, create friendliness. Let it become a quality of your being, a climate that surrounds you, so you are friendly with whomsoever you come in contact.

Life is a mirror, it reflects your face. Be friendly, and all of life will reflect friendliness.

Have you ever said hello to a tree? Try it, and one day you will be surprised: the tree also says hello in her tongue, in her own language. Hug a tree, and a day will come soon when you will feel that it was not only you who was hugging. The tree has no hands, but it has its own way of expressing its joy, its sadness, its anger, its fear.

Be friendly, and don't be worried whether anybody is friendly towards you or not – that is a business – like question. Why be worried? Why not transform the whole existence into a friend towards you? Why miss such a great kingdom?

_\- Osho_
**  
**

##### 21 Rules of Civility

1. When you speak, be short and comprehensive.

2. Do not argue with your superior; submit your ideas to him modestly.

3. When a subordinate does his best, even if he does not succeed, do not blame him.

4. When you must give advice or criticism, consider whether it should be given in public or private; whether it should be given now or at some other time; and in what manner it should be given.

5. If you must criticize someone, do so carefully. If you are admonished by your superior, do not argue at the time, rather, if you are not at fault, tell your superior the facts later.

6. Do not make fun of anything important to others.

7. If you criticize others for some fault, make sure you eliminate it from yourself first. A good example speaks much louder than words.

8. Do not be in haste to believe bad reports about others.

9. Associate yourself with other good people; it is better to be alone than in bad company.

10. Do not speak about others with malice or envy.

11. Always allow reason to govern your actions.

12. A man should not overly value his own accomplishments.

13. Do not detract from others, nor be overbearing when giving commands.

14. Do not speak badly of those who are not present.

15. Do not go where you are not wanted.

16. Do not give unasked-for advice.

17. Make no comparisons among people.

18. Do not be quick to talk about something if you do not know it is true.

19. Some matters are better kept a secret. Do not be curious about the affairs of others.

20. Do not start what you cannot finish.

21. Keep your promises.

_\- George Washington_
**  
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**SECRET # 4**

**LEAD**

_21 Attributes of Leadership_

_Be a Winner_

_Teachers are those who use themselves_

_as bridges, over which they invite_

_their students to cross;_

_then having facilitated their crossing,_

_joyfully collapse, encouraging_

_them to create bridges of their own._

_\- Nikos Kazamtzakis_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

Opportunity often knocks-

only to find no one in.

Make it your mission

to make a difference.

Either i will find a way

Or

I will make one.

Good communication means

good listening.
**  
**

##### 21 Attributes of Leadership

**1. ****A Mission That Matters**

Failure in any good cause is honorable, while success in a bad cause is merely infamous. At the same time, success in a good cause is unquestionably better than failure. But it is not the result in any case that is to be regarded, so much as the aim and the effort with which worthy objects are pursued.

_\- Samuel Smiles_

It is better to attempt something great and fail, than attempt to do nothing and succeed.

_\- Anonymous_

**To Have Succeeded**

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of

Intelligent people and the

Affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest

Critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others; to leave

The world a bit better, whether by

A healthy child, a garden patch or

A redeemed social condition.

To know even one life

Has breathed easier because you lived.

This is to have succeeded.

_\- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

It is important to define what success means to you. Define your goal clearly, pinpoint it. Be sure that your goal is in harmony with God's desire for you. For example, don't make the mistakes of having only material success as your goal: God wants a lot more for you than superficial material wealth. He wants real wealth for you, the wealth of life that is successful in all its aspects: economic, social, spiritual, intellectual, physical. It is his desire to give you real riches. Don't underestimate the good things that God wants for you and will give you if you will only learn to receive.

_\- D. Chopra_

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain:

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain.

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again.

I shall not live in vain.

_\- Emily Dickinson_

- This is the true joy in life - that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. That being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

_\- George Bernard Shaw_

- Missions make leaders different from other people. Missions are at the very heart of leadership/service ethic. Make it your mission to make a difference.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

A trophy in the case? Money in the bank? Professional honors? Yes, that is success, but more than this, success is being able to look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of the person you have become! You did the best you could!

Some of the most pathetic failures are wealthy people. They have money, but that is all. Or more accurately, the money has them. It's what you do with what you are, with what you don't have, that figures largely in determining failure or success.

- Big things come from small beginnings. The mighty oak tree comes from the tiny acorn, and a tiny seed of wanting to serve others can help you make a difference. Your mission that matters can be the driving force that inspires others to follow. Your example of service will be your legacy of leadership.

- Lao-Tse, the sixth century Chinese philosopher, said: "A leader is one who serves."

To make a difference we must be willing to serve. Real service has a high value. If we contribute our time, emotions, energy, and effort, we can have real impact on people and problems. When we contribute to the well-being of others, our joy and fulfillment are immeasurable.

_\- N. V. Peale_

**The Quest**

To dream the impossible dream,

To fight the unbeatable foe,

To bear with unbearable sorrow,

To run where the brave dare not go,

To right the unrightable wrong,

To love, pure and chaste, from afar,

To try when your arms are too weary,

To reach the unreachable star,

This is my quest, to follow that star,

No matter how hopeless, no matter how far,

To fight for the right without question or pause,

To be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause.

_\- Joe Darion_

__

**2. ****Have High Ethics**

- The leader's first task is to be the trumpet that sounds a clear sound. With every example of high ethics and integrity, we send a "clear sound" to others. It builds trust and loyalty, which are at the base of all effective relationships.

##### _\- Peter F. Drucker_

If you are a leader who combines high ethics with a genuine concern for others, personal competence, and fairness in the exercise of power, you will inspire trust. Without trust, the contract between you and your followers collapses. Your ability to make a difference will be greatly diminished.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

**3. ****Decisive Decision Making**

- "Decision is the spark that ignites action. Until a decision is made, nothing happens." __

_\- Wilfred A. Patterson_

**4. ****Willingness To Take Risks**

- "The world we live in today," Wilfred. Peterson points out, "first existed as ideas in the minds of men... bridges, sky-scrapers, automobiles, airplanes, religions, philosophies, governments, symphonies, paintings, poems...everything." But these ideas didn't remain mental images. They were put into action. Risks were taken to turn thoughts into reality.

Risk taking is an indispensible part of leadership. When we look at leaders who are making a difference, we see that they have the courage to begin, while others are waiting for a better time, a safer situation, or assured results. They are willing to take risks because they know that being overcautious and indecisive kills opportunity. It's an irony that we are always in search of novelty, yet we can be deeply uncomfortable with taking risks.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

- **The** **Story of Two Seeds**

Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile spring soil. The first seed said, "I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my' sprouts **** through the earth's crust above me... 'I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!

And so she grew.

The second seed said, "I am afraid. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don't know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts... What if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossom, a small child may pull me from the ground. No it is much better for me to wait until it is safe.' And so she waited.

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.

Moral: those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life

_\- Anonymous_

__

__

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach for another is to risk involvement,

To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self

To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To believe is to risk despair

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The people who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing, are nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.

**Fear not... Fear rather...**

Fear not that you might fail...

_Fear rather_ that you might never succeed if you never dare to try.

_Fear not_ that you might make a mistake believing in your dream...

_Fear rather_ that if you don't go for it you might stand before God and he'll tell you that you could have succeeded if you'd had more faith.

_Fear not_ that if it doesn't work out you'll be embarrassed...

_Fear rather_ that if you don't try that time will only prove you could have succeeded!

Fear _not_ that you might fail...

_Fear rather_ that you will never succeed if you don't start taking risks.

_Fear not_ that you might be hurt...

_Fear rather_ that you might never grow if you keep waiting for painless success.

_Fear not_ that you might love and lose...

_Fear rather_ that you might never love at all.

_Fear not_ that others might laugh at your mistakes...

_Fear rather_ that God will say to you, "O you of little faith."

_Fear not_ that you might fall again...

_Fear rather_ that you might have made it the next time if you'd only tried once more and given it all you had.

_\- Robert Schuller_

##### Self-Motivators

It is when we play safe that we create

a world of utmost insecurity.

Those who do more than

they are paid for will sooner or later

be willingly paid for more than they do.

Say 'yes' to what is right

and 'no' to what is wrong

and you'll find peace in your heart.

Whatever you do today

Do it better tomorrow.

When the going gets tough

The tough get going.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness

and nothing is so gentle as real strength.
**  
**

**5. ****Be a Team Builder**

- Teachers are those who use themselves as bridges, over which they invite their students to cross; then having facilitated their crossing, joyfully collapse, encouraging them to create bridges of their own.

- Your organization is a reflection of yourself. By greatness of character, an executive gains command over himself. By consistency and competence, he gains the respect of his subordinates. The success of the entire group is based on the firmness of the conduct of the executive who will manage it.

- An essential element in understanding the nature of leadership is that a leader works with thinking, feeling people. These people are afraid of failure, and suffer from anxiety, jealousy, disease, and fatigue. Some are ambitious, some are not. Some are competent, others are dull. Some are cooperative and loyal, others insubordinate and superficial. In short, they carry within themselves a thousand and one differences. To make them perform as a team, it is not enough for a leader to decide what should be done and issue the orders for carrying out his intentions. He must also create a spirit of confidence in those under him.

- A leader can be called truly skillful in human relations when he values other people's strong points even after learning about their faults. An outstanding leader quickly overlooks small faults, errors, or wrongs. As a result, he has few enemies. Petty disagreement can disrupt team spirit, just as small irritations and minor impatience can destroy great projects.

_\- Donald G. Krause_

__

**6. ****With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility**

- When you accept the responsibility of power you will quickly find that it is a delicate instrument. Like the sharpest surgical knife, it can destroy and cause pain or heal and create new opportunity. Peter Drucker wrote, "the leader sees leadership as responsibility rather than rank and privilege."

- Humility is your most powerful asset as a leader. Arrogance is the most destructive quality a leader can have. Courtesy and humility are essential for the effective use of power. Being gracious elevates a powerful leader to the level of a statesman.

- It is our job, both as leaders and followers to learn to distinguish between personal power and position power. We must take the time necessary to build personal power so that when our position changes, we are still leading by example and using our power wisely.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

- Leadership is not a prerogative, but rather a responsibility. Power and position are only given to enable you to better serve your constituents they are not given for you to exercise your idiosyncrasies.

_\- Dwight D. Eisenhower_

****

**7. ****Commitment**

- Dreams will never come true only by dreaming. A possibility must move from the _nesting_ phase through the te _sting phase_ and into the _investing_ phase to reach the _cresting_ phase.

When God says, "Go!" The dreamer leaps. He holds nothing back. He gives his dream everything he has and more. Total commitment! Nothing less will do.

It's a commitment to a commencement

He'll get started!

It's a commitment to continuity

He'll follow through!

It's a commitment to concentration

He'll focus his all!

It's a commitment to completion

He'll finish what he started with excellence!

- Negative emotions such as doubt, fear, worry, anger, hostility, self-pity, and jealousy will drain you of your energy. Likewise, indecision saps energy. Commitment, on the other hand, taps into and releases incredible powers—physical, emotional, and spiritual. If you've got the faith, God's got the power. He wants to open floodgates of energy in the person who experiences his faith and gets going. As you spend yourself building, constructing, helping, and pursuing great causes, you become tremendously enthusiastic. You don't consume energy; you recycle your energy supply!

_-_ _Robert Schuller_

****

**8. ****Leading by Example**

- We lead first by example! Everything we say or

do send a message, sets a tone, or teaches

people what to do or what not to do

- If an executive values competence in his own work, employees will value competence in theirs. The actions of executives are like the wind, while those of employees are like the grass. When the wind blows, the grass bends in the same direction.

_\- Donald G. Krause_

- Lead by example! Character is the bedrock on which the whole edifice of leadership rests. With character the full worth of the individual and his team can be realized. Without it, failure or, at best, mediocrity will result. Character is a habit. It is created through the daily choice of right and wrong. It is a moral quality which, grows gradually to maturity _._

\- _George Washington_

- Beware of clever and conspicuous people. They are seldom loyal. A perceptive leader does not believe someone solely because of his eloquence or reputation; on the other hand, neither does he reject otherwise useful information because of the appearance of the messenger.

- President Eisenhower used to say that he could demonstrate leadership style with a piece of string. He'd lay the string on a table and said, "Pull it and it will follow you wherever you wish. Push it and it will go nowhere at all. It's that way when it comes to leading people."

- Of all the examples we set as leaders, perhaps the wise use of power has the most obvious impact. If the basis of your desire for power is one of service, then your leadership acquires an aura of dignity. Your charisma is increased a thousand fold.

- We must have the courage to turn the spotlight on our action, habits and examples if we are to be leaders who can make a difference.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

**9. ****Effective Communication**

- Any communication you generate should be free, open, direct, honest appropriate, and at the end of the communication, you should not feel guilty or emotional about what you said or did.

****

****

****

**10. ****Empathise**

- Empathy makes a difference. G.J. Tankersley wrote "Empathy is the ability to share other people's feelings, to see things, even if you don't agree with them, from their point of view."

**11. ****Be Dignified**

- Generate intense energy, but always keep a cool head. The greatest asset a capable executive can have is a controlled temperament. A controlled temperament bestows a sort of divine power, and it is only by means of divine power that you can motivate employees to peak performance in times of crisis.

- Above all, an effective leader is dignified without being arrogant. Arrogance comes from ignorance and lack of self-confidence, when a person displays arrogance, he is confirming that he knows very little about true dignity and, more importantly very little about true leadership.

_\- Donald G. Krause_

- The patient man is surely one who is unhurried in his mind and who finds it possible to relax within. One thing is sure, so long as the din and jar of life do not get into the inner essence of a man, he is safe.

A ship in a storm at sea may be pounded hard by the wind and waves, but if she has a steady captain and a dry engine-room with her motors throbbing on, she will ride out the storm.

_\- N. V. Peale_

**12. ****Fire of Enthusiasm**

- The philosopher B. Zu tavern has written: "Before water will generate steam it has to boil. An engine won't move an inch until the steam gauge registers 212 degrees. The person without enthusiasm is trying to move the machinery of life with lukewarm water. Only one thing can happen; he will stall. Remember, enthusiasm is electricity in the battery. It's vigor in the air, it's the warmth in the fire, it's the breath in all things alive.

- It is that mysterious something that turns an average person into an outstanding individual.

It makes an old person young, and without it a young person becomes old.

It is the hidden spring of endless energy.

It is that beautiful force that carries us from mediocrity to excellence.

It turns on a bright light in a dull face until the eyes sparkle and the personality brightens with joy.

It is the spiritual magnet that attracts helpful and happy people to become our fruitful friends.

It is the joyful emotional fountain that bubbles up, attracting persons to come to our side and drink from the joy that rises out of our heart.

It is the happy song of a positive person who sings an inspiring message to the world: "I can! It's possible! We'll do it."

- Enthusiasm is that long sought after fountain of eternal life. Old men stop to drink of its elixir and suddenly dream new dreams. Marvelous, miraculous, mysterious new strength surges through the old bones. Discouragement fades like the morning fog in the shining sun. Suddenly you catch yourself whistling, noticing birds flying, seeing the glorious shape of the white clouds against blue sky. From deep within you a new song breaks forth. You whistle. You sing. Now you are alive again!

_\- N. V. Peale_

**13. ****Be Prepared**

- Do not kid yourself; success without conflict is unrealistic. Every time you do anything noteworthy somebody will find fault. And, after all, you aren't perfect. No project is without its negative aspects. You can expect to generate a new set of tensions every time you set a new goal. And there's something wrong with every good idea. Be prepared for conflict.

Harmonize your conflicts early. Try to anticipate where and in whom you can expect conflict, disagreement, or disharmony to emerge. Determine how you can prevent conflict! Conflict prevention is better than conflict resolution.

_\- Robert Schuller_

**14. ****Have an Open Mind**

- Learn by observing the behavior of other people. If you observe good _behavior,_ copy it. If you observe bad behavior, look for the same behavior in yourself and eliminate it.

- Take great care when everyone disagrees with you, but take even greater care when everyone agrees.

- All executives must have freedom of mind, no prejudices, no prepossession, no fixed ideas no opinion should be accepted without facts to support it. No course of action should be taken merely because it has always been taken before.

_\- Donald G. Krause_

**15. ****Dealing With Difficult People**

- There are difficult people in the world who are twisted and distorted mentally. They are malconditioned. Many are mental delinquents, argumentative, uncooperative, cantankerous, cynical, and sour on life. They are sick psychologically. Many people have deformed and distorted minds, probably warped during childhood. Many have congenital deformities. You would not condemn a person who had tuberculosis, nor should you condemn a person who is mentally ill. No one, for example, hates or resents a hunchback; there are many mental hunchbacks. You should have compassion and understanding. To understand all is to forgive all.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_

__

- Conflict is never pleasant, but if it isn't handled correctly, it can cause major damage to team spirit and individual performance. When standoffs start, communication usually stops. That is is the key to resolving conflict –communication. If you can get people talking, you have a chance to solve the problems, resolve the conflict, and get everybody back to the tasks at hand.

_\- Sheila Murray Bethel_

****

**16. ****Give Recognition**

- Everyone needs recognition for his accomplishments, but few people make the need known quite as clearly as the little boy who said to his father: "Let's play darts. I'll throw and you say wonderful!"

_\- Dale Carnegie_

**17. ****Be Assertive**

- There can be three main ways of reacting for any given situation:

Passive Behavior: Giving up your rights, for any given situation, honest feelings, thoughts and beliefs, feeling helpless, anxious, resentful, disappointed with yourself, trying to please others. You feel being manipulated and pushed around all the time.

Aggressive: You feel angry, frustrated, or self-righteous, dominating, forcing others to lose, showing strength, tensed, and achieve your ends at the cost of your and other's happiness.

Assertive: Standing up for your personal rights and expressing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and helpful ways which do not violate the rights of others.

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_

**18. ****Be a Lateral Thinker**

We all have self-imposed limitations that hold us back. If we have failed to realize success or if our success is limited, it is probably due to preconceptions that are throwing an invisible barrier across our paths. The puzzle below illustrates how we can be held back from breaking through. The challenge is to connect all nine dots with four straight lines, without lifting your pencil from the paper.

- When we cannot communicate with people freely it give rise to a lot of tension. When we cannot be assertive with people, we tend to generate the anger inwards. Assertiveness training deals with dispensing with passive and aggressive behaviour to become assertive at all times.

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_

· · ·

· · ·

· · ·

It seems impossible to intersect all nine dots with four straight lines. But how do you move something from the impossible to the possible? Answer: go beyond the limits. When you go beyond the limits, the impossible becomes possible. When you go beyond the limits, you will be able to intersect all nine dots with four straight lines. (See Page 182 for answer)

Break through your self-imposed limitations, " I can't find a single job in this whole town." Well, why limit yourself to this town? This state? Get up and move to where the jobs are. "I can only do carpentry. And they're not hiring carpenters these days."

Why limit yourself to one trade? Use your free time to learn new skills! No one said when you drew four straight lines that they couldn't go beyond the extent of the dots. That was a limitation you imposed upon yourself. And when you impose these limitation, the puzzle becomes unsolvable. You can break away from the self-imposed limits of the dots when you think bigger!

_\- Christian Godfrey & John Clark_

__

**19. ****Habit of Synergy**

- What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater that the sum of the parts.

Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close together, the roots comingle and improve the quality of the soil so that the both plants will grow better than if they were separated. If you put two pieces of wood together, they will hold much more than the total of the weight held by each separately. The whole is greater than the some of its parts. One plus one equals three or more.

The essence of synergy is to value differences - to respect them, to build on strength, to compensate for weaknesses.

_\- Stephen Covey_

__

**20. ****Being Effective**

- Perfection is the enemy of effectiveness. An effective plan executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next year. Success in most situations is determined by self-confidence, energy, and determination. These characteristics do not necessarily produce _perfect_ solutions, but they can certainly produce profitable ones.

_-_ _Christian Godfrey & John Clark_

__

**21. ****Go the Extra Mile**

An important principle of success in all walks of life and in all occupations is a willingness to go the extra mile; which means the rendering of more and better service than that for which one is paid. Nature goes the extra mile by producing enough of everything for her needs, together with a surplus for emergencies and waste; for example, the fruit on the trees and fish in the seas. The habit brings the individual to the favorable attention of those who can and will provide opportunities for self – advancement.

_\- N. Hill_

The principle was well stated by the Apostle Paul: 'He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.' If you want to succeed you have to 'go for it' and give it all you've got. The people who really succeed are the people who give extra effort and push themselves beyond their normal limits. There is a principle: "new powers are discovered every time you push yourself farther than you've ever gone before". There are deeper layers of energy, talent, and creativity within you, waiting to be tapped. No person ever fully discovers and develops all the potential within himself. Nobody ever drills the deepest well. Everybody - in his limited lifetime falls short of uncovering the hidden possibility that lies far beneath the surface of his own consciousness.

_-_ _Robert Schullers_

##### Self-Motivators

Everyone has

the potential to be a winner:

to be a real person, an alive person,

an aware person.

A winner doesn't do different things—

A winner does things differently.

Think Win-Win

Win-Win is a belief

in the third alternative—

It's not your way or my way;

It's a better way, a higher way.
**  
**

**Be A Winner**

The words "winner" and "loser" have many meanings. When we refer to a person as a winner, we do not mean one who makes someone else lose. To us, a winner is one who responds authentically by being credible, trustworthy, responsive, and genuine, both as an individual and as a member of society.

A loser is one who fails to respond authentically.

Few people are one hundred percent winners or one hundred percent losers. It's a matter of degree. However, once a person is on the road to being a winner, his or her chances are greater for becoming even more so.

Winners may lose ground occasionally and may even fail. Yet, in spite of setbacks winners maintain a basic self – confidence.

Winners are not afraid to do their own thinking and to use their own knowledge. They can separate facts from opinion and don't pretend to have all the answers. They listen to others, evaluate what they say, but come to their own conclusions. Although winners can admire and respect other people, they are not totally defined, demolished, bound, or awed by them.

Winners do not play "helpless," nor do they play the blaming game. Instead, they assume responsibility for their own lives. They do not give others a false authority over them. Winners are their own bosses and know it.

A winner's timing is right. Winners respond appropriately to the situation. Their responses are related to the message sent and preserve the significance, worth, well–being, and dignity of the people involved. Winners know that for everything there is a season and for every activity a time.

_A time to be aggressive and a time to be passive,_

_A time to be together and a time to be alone,_

_A time to fight and a time to love,_

_A time to work and a time to play,_

_A time to cry and a time to laugh,_

_A time to confront and a time to withdraw,_

_A time to speak and a time to be silent,_

_A time to hurry and a time to wait._

To **** winners, time is precious. Winners don't kill it, but live it here and now. Living in the now does not mean that winners foolishly ignore their own past history or fail to prepare for the future. Rather, winners know their past, are aware and alive in the present, and look forward to the future.

Winners learn to know their feelings and limitations and to be unafraid of them. They know when they are angry and can listen when others are angry with them. Winners can give and receive affection. Winners are able to love and be loved.

Winners can be spontaneous. They do not have to respond in predetermined, rigid ways, but can change their plans when the situation calls for it.

****

Winners have a zest for life, enjoying work, play, food, other people, and the world of nature. Without guilt they enjoy their own accomplishments and of others.

Winners are not afraid to go after what they want, but they do so in appropriate ways. Winners do not get their security by controlling others.

A winner cares about the world and its peoples. A winner is not isolated from the general problems of society, but is concerned, compassionate, and committed to improving the quality of life. A winner's self – image is not one of a powerless individual. A winner works to make the world a better place.

Some losers speak of themselves as successful but anxious, successful but trapped, or successful but unhappy. Others speak of themselves as totally beaten, without purpose, unable to move half dead, or bored to death. Losers may not recognize that, for the most part, they have been building their own cages & digging their own graves.

A loser seldom lives in the present, but instead destroys the present by focusing on past memories or future expectations. The losers who lives in the past dwells on good old days or on past personal misfortunes. Nostalgically, the loser either clings to the way things "used to be" or bemoans his or her bad luck. The loser is self – pitying and shifts the responsibility for an unsatisfactory life onto others. Blaming others and excusing oneself are often part of the loser's games. A loser who lives in the past may lament "if only":

_"if only I get the opportunity..."_

_"if only I was the boss..."_

_"if only I had been born rich..."_

People who live in the future may dream of some miracle after which they can "live happily ever after." Rather than pursuing their own lives, losers wait – wait for the magical rescue. How wonderful life will be when:

_"when college is over..."_

_"when the kids grow up..."_

_"when my ship comes in..."_

In contrast to those who live with the delusion of a magical rescue, some losers live constantly under the dread of future catastrophe. They conjure up expectations of what if:

_"what if I lose my job..."_

_"what if something happens..."_

_"what if I make a mistake..."_

By continually focusing on the future, these losers experience anxiety in the present.

Unable to bring the full potential of their sense into immediate situation, losers' perceptions are incorrect or incomplete. Their ability to deal effectively with the real world is hampered.

Everyone – at least in some phase of his or her humanness – has the potential to be a winner: to be a real person, an alive person, an aware person.

\- _Murial James & Dorothy Jongeward_

**Winners vs. Losers**

• The Winner is always a part of the answer;

o The Loser is always a part of the problem.

• The Winner always has a program;

o The Loser always has an excuse

• The Winner says, "Let me do it for you";

o The Loser says, "That is not my job.

• The Winner sees an answer for every problem;

o The Loser sees a problem for every answer.

• The Winner says, "It may be difficult but it is possible";

o The Loser says, "It may be possible but it is too difficult."

• When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, "I _was_ wrong";

o When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault."

• A Winner makes commitments;

o A Loser makes promises.

• Winners have dreams;

o Losers have schemes.

• Winners say, "1 must do something";

o Losers say, "Something must be done."

• Winners are a part of the team;

o Losers are apart from the team.

• Winners see the gain;

o Losers see the pain.

• Winners see possibilities;

o Losers see problems.

• Winners believe in Win/Win;

o Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.

• Winners see the potential;

o Losers see the past

• Winners choose what they say;

o Losers say what they choose.

• Winners use hard arguments but soft words;

o Losers use soft arguments but hard words.

• Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;

o Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.

• Winners follow the philosophy of empathy "Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you";

o Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you."

• Winners m _ake_ it happen;

o Losers let it happen.

_\- Anon_
**  
**

****

****

****

****

**SECRET # 5**

**EXERCISE THE POWER TO CHOOSE**

****

_Discover Your Unique Talent – Points to Ponder_

_What We Focus on – Expands_

_Pavlovian Conditioning_

_Proactivity is "Response-Ability"_

_Ask the Right Questions_

_Transactional Analysis (TA) - Freedom of Choice in Communication_

_Healthy Living is a Choice_

_Every action generates a force of energy_

_That returns to us in like kind..._

_That we sow is what we reap._

_And when we choose actions that bring_

_Happiness and success to others,_

_The fruit of our karma is happiness and success._

_\- Deepak Chopra_
**  
**

What We Focus on – Expands

- We each have the freedom to choose in each moment. We can choose for ourselves, but not for others. When we allow others to choose for us, we withdraw our trust in ourselves to make choices. Accepting the choice another makes for us is our choice.

- When we consciously choose to let infinite intelligence guide us, our lives unfold in effortless and magnificent ways.

- We are free to focus our attention wherever we wish. We can focus on all that we have, or we can focus on what we don't have. We can focus on what we perceive to be problems, or we can remind ourselves that everything has a purpose and that every circumstance is an opportunity to reclaim our power. Remember that _no matter how dense a fog, the sun is always shining._ And we can always choose to move through the fog to the warmth and brightness of the sunshine.

_\- Arnold Patent_

- Our tendency is to take for granted what we already have and to focus on what we do not have. What we focus on expands. By noticing the abundance that we already have, we open ourselves to receive more. By focusing our attention on what we do not have, we actually attract more scarcity.

- You can disagree without being disagreeable. The simple truth is that it is never what a person says or does that affects you, it is his reaction to what is said or done that matters.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_

- When you become emotionally mature, you do not respond negatively to the criticism and resentment of others. To do so would mean that you had descended to that state of low mental vibration and become one with 'the negative atmosphere of the other. Identify yourself with your aim in life, and do not permit any person, place, or thing to deflect you from your inner sense of peace, tranquility, and radiant health.

- You cannot be hurt when you know that you are a master of your thoughts, reactions, and emotions. Emotions follow thoughts, and you have the power to reject all thoughts which may disturb or upset you.

_\- N. Hill_

__

- If you wish to be miserable, think about yourself: about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you, what people think of you; and then to you nothing will be pure. You will spoil everything you touch: you will make sin and misery for yourself out of everything God sends you; you will be as wretched as you choose.

There is that word "choose" again. You have the capacity to stop choosing a mind that is actively working to keep you from enjoying reality.

_\- Charles Kingsley_

- Negative energy creates negative manifestations. Hateful thoughts, for instance, create broken relationships, wars and weapons, physical diseases of all kinds. Positive energy creates positive manifestations. Loving thoughts create harmonious organizations, cooperative governments, and healings of all kinds of discord.

Can you see that you can be your worst enemy? Why? Because you're the one who monitors what you think. Who thinks your thoughts better than you do? Others can suggest thoughts to you, but you're the one who accepts or rejects what you entertain in your mind.

Instead, be your own best friend. When you find yourself uncomfortable with your own negative creations and wanting to change your thinking, you are feeling the presence of your silent master.

_\- Tae – Yun – Kin_

__

**"BE"**

If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill,

Be a scrub in the valley—but be

The best little scrub by the side of the hill;

Be a bush, if you **can't** be a tree.

If you can't be a bush, be a bit of the grass,

And some highway happier make;

If you can't be a muskie, then just be a bass—

But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,

There's something for all of us here.

There's big work to do and there's lesser to do

And the task we must do is the near.

If you can't be a highway, then just be a trail,

If you can't be the sun, be a star;

It isn't by size that you win or you fail—

Be the best of whatever you are!

_\- Douglas Malloch_
**  
**

##### Discover Your Unique Talent – Points to Ponder

__

- Each individual is unique and each individual life has a beauty in its uniqueness.

- _Osho_

- Meet the most important living person! That person is _you. Y_ our success, health, happiness, wealth depend on how you use your invisible talisman. How will you use it? The choice is yours.

_\- N. Hill_

- Each human being is born as something new, something that never existed before. Each person has a unique way of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and thinking. Each has his or her own unique potentials – capabilities and limitations. Each can be a significant, thinking, aware, and creative being – a productive person, a winner.

- Never before, since the beginning of time, has there ever been anybody exactly like you; and never again throughout all the ages to come will there ever be anybody exactly like you again.

- You are something new in this world. Be glad of it. Make the most of what nature gave you. In the last analysis all art is autobiographical. You can sing only what you are. You can paint only what you are. You must be what your experiences, your environment, and your heredity have made you. For better or for worse, you must cultivate your own little garden. For better or for worse, you must play your little instrument in the orchestra of life.

_\- Dale Carnegie_

__
**  
**

Pavlovian Conditioning

Most of us – even though we are infinite choice-makers – have become bundles of conditioned reflexes that are constantly being triggered by people and circumstances into predictable outcomes of behavior. These conditioned reflexes are like Pavlovian conditioning. Pavlov is famous for demonstrating that if you give a dog something to eat every time you ring a bell, soon the dog starts to salivate when you just ring the bell, because it has associated one stimulus with the other.

Most of us as a result of conditioning have repetitious and predictable responses to the stimuli in our environment. Our reactions seem to be automatically triggered by people and circumstances, and we forget that these are still choices that we are making in every moment of our existence. We are simply making these choices unconsciously.

If I were to insult you, you would most likely make the choice of being offended. If I were to pay you a compliment, you would most likely make the choice of being pleased or flattered. But think about it: it's still a choice. You could make the choice of not being offended or flattered.

How I deal with circumstances is much more important than the circumstances themselves.

****

**The Beautiful in Life** **...**

Some speak of it in poetry,

Some grow it from the soil,

Some build it in a monument,

Some show it thro' their toil,

Some breathe it into music,

Some shape in into art,

Some see it in a sunset,

And some hold it close at heart.

_\- Anon_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

The quality of your life

comes from the quality of choices

you make in life.

There is no one

to change but myself.

When I become different

everything becomes different.

How I deal with circumstances

is much more important

than the circumstances themselves.

If worse comes to worst,

can I still turn this obstacle

into an opportunity?

The scar into a star?

Nobody else

can motivate you unless

and until you motivate yourself.
**  
**

Proactivity Is "Response-Ability"

While the word Proactivity is now fairly common in management literature, it is a word you won't find in most dictionaries. It means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as human being, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.

Look at the word _responsibility_ –"response-ability" – the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.

Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli, whether physical, social, or psychological. But their response to the stimuli, conscious or unconscious, is a value-based choice or response.

It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers.

We have all known individuals in very difficult circumstances, perhaps with a terminal illness or a severe physical handicap, who maintain magnificent emotional strength. How inspired we are by their integrity! Nothing has a greater, longer lasting impression upon another person than the awareness that someone has transcended suffering, has transcended circumstance, and is embodying and expressing a value that inspires and ennobles and lifts life.

_\- Steven Covey_

Ask the right Questions

- I keep six honest serving – men

They taught me all I knew;

Their names are What and Why and

When and How and

Where and Who.

_\- Rudyard Kipling_

- The right questions release possibilities

Just think what happens if you ask possibility reviewing questions like:

· Why is it impossible?

· What would it take to turn this impossibility into a possibility?

· Where could financing be found to make it possible?

· Would it be possible if I had the right team? Materials? Deadline extension?

The right questions release creative solutions

Ask questions that lead you to people who are smarter than you are:

· Who in the world could possibly figure out a solution to this problem?

· What kind of skills and talents do I need to turn this problem into a possibility?

Ask questions that might clarify distortions in your thinking.

· Is the problem as serious as I am making it?

· What's the worst that could happen? Can I live with that? And if I think not, why not? Others are! Why couldn't I?

· If worse comes to worst, can I still turn this obstacle into an opportunity? The scar into a star?

The right questions release motivation.

Ask questions that can turn you into a self-starter. Remember, nobody else can motivate you until you motivate yourself. Ask questions that generate energy deep from within your being, such as:

· If I simply made a start – could I accomplish just a little bit?

· If I accomplish a little bit, will that be the beginning of something that can slowly or swiftly be expanded? If I save dollars, will they not accumulate and be multiplied?

_\- Robert Schuller_
**  
**

Transactional Analysis (TA) -  
Freedom of Choice in Communication

****

**What is transactional analysis?**

Dr. Thomas Harris's pioneering in work in TA has had fundamental impact on our understanding of interpersonal behavior. Throughout history one impression of human nature has been consistent: that man has multiple nature.

'Parent, Adult and Child are the three parts of this multiple nature. They are called P - A - C on the TA diagram.

The transaction consists of a stimulus by one person and a response by anther, which response becomes a new stimulus for the other person to respond to. The purpose of the analysis is to discover which part of each person - parent, adult, or child - is originating each stimulus and response.

Transactional analysis is thus an intellectual tool to understand the basis of behavior and feelings.

TA enables persons to change, to establish self-control and self-direction and to discover the reality of a freedom of choice.

****

**Definition of P A C**

The Parent is a huge collection of recordings in the brain of external events perceived by a person in his early years, a period, which we have designated roughly as the first five years of life.

There is another recording being made simultaneously. This is recording of internal events, the responses of the little person to what he sees and hears. Since the little one has no vocabulary, most of his reactions are reflected as feelings, which we call "Child".

At about 10 months of age, a child has found he is able to do something, which grows from his own awareness and original thought. This self-actualization is the beginning of the Adult.

The Adult is a data processing computer and one of the important functions is to examine the data in the parent, to see whether or not it is true and still applicable today, and then to accept it or reject it; and to examine the child to see whether or not the feelings there are appropriate to the present or are in response to parent data.

The goal is not to do away with the parent and child but to be free to examine these bodies of data.

All people are structurally alike in that they all have a parent, an adult, and a child. They differ in the content of parent, adult and child, which is unique to each person.

_\- Eric Berne_

__

**Types of Transactions**

Complementary or parallel transactions

This brings us to the first rule of communication in transactional analysis. When stimulus and response on the P - A - C transactional diagram make parallel lines the transaction is complementary and can go on indefinitely.

Un-complementary or crossed transactions

The kind of transaction that causes trouble is the crossed transaction. This brings us to the second rule of communication in the transactional analysis. When stimulus and response cross on the P - A - C transactional diagram, communication stops. This cross transactions can set off a whole series of noisy exchanges, endless arguments & acrimonious debates.

There are many clues to help identify stimulus and response as parent, adult, or child,

**Parent Clues:**

Physical: Furrowed brow. Pointing index finger. Hands on hips, patting another on the head, etc. These are typical parent gestures. Verbal: Always, never, stupid, disgusting, nonsense, No!, No!, Absurd. Poor thing, scolding, correcting, bit. It is important to keep in mind that these words are clues, and are not conclusive. It is the automatic, unthinking use of these words which signals the activation of the parent

**Child Clues:**

Physical: Tears. temper tantrums, nail biting, giggling, shrinking shoulders, teasing, etc. Verbal: In addition to baby talk words like I don't care, I didn't do it etc. Since the child's earliest response to the external words were non-verbal, the most apparent child clues are seen in physical expressions as emotional reactions.

**Adult Clues:**

Physical: Observant. Sober, calm and listening face with continual movement of the face and the eyes.

Verbal: The vocabulary of the adult consist of why, what, where, when, who

and how. Other words are how much, in what way, in my opinion etc. Facts play a very important role.

**How to Build a Strong Adult Ego State**

A strong adult is built in a following ways:

- Learn to recognize your child, its vulnerabilities, ifs fears, its principal methods of expressing these feelings.

- Learn to recognize your parent, its admonitions, injections, fixed positions, and principal ways of expressing these admonitions, injections and positions,

- Be sensitive to the child in others, talk to that child, stroke that child, protect that child, and appreciate its needs for creative expression as well as the Not Ok burden it carries about.

- Count to ten, if necessary, in order to give the adult time to process the data coming into the computer, to sort out parent child from reality.

- When in doubt - leave it out. You can't be attacked for what you didn't say.

- Work out a system of values. You can't make decisions without an ethical framework.

_\- Eric Berne_
**  
**

**Four Life Positions**

Transactional Analysis constructs the following classification of four possible life positions held with respect to oneself and others.

I

I'M NOT OK YOU'RE OK. | II

I'M NOT O.K

YOU'RE NOT O.K

---|---

III

I'M OK  
YOU'RE NOT O.K | IV

I'M O.K

YOU'RE O.K

**I'm Not ok - You're ok**

"Happy Childhood" not with standing, most of us are living out the 'not ok' feelings of a defenseless 'Child' wholly dependent on "O.K" others for stroking and care.

**I'm Not ok - You're Not ok**

For some stroking has stopped after the first year or so. The child concludes "I'm not ok-you're not ok". A person in this position gives up hope very easily.

**I'm ok - You're Not ok**

In this position an ignored and battered child gets its ok-feelings by self-stroking. In spite of his unfortunate experiences he has experienced survival. As he grows older he begins to strike back. For a person in this position it is always _'Their Fault'_

__

**I'm ok - You're ok**

The first three positions are based on feelings. The fourth is based on thought, faith and the wager of action. We do not drift into this position. It is a decision we make.

**Examples of Various Types of Transactions**

Complimentary Transactions:

---  
|

Playful Child / Child Transaction

1. I really like you.

2. I like you, too.

Child / Nurturing Parent Transaction

1. I'm so worried about my son I

can't concentrate on this report.

2. You can leave work early to go by

the hospital and see him.

Crossed Transactions:

---  
|

1. Boss: What time is it?

2. Secretary: You're always in such a hurry!

1. Scientist A: There may be some variables we haven't considered for this experiment.

2. Scientist B: So what, who cares

around here?

---  
|

Healthy Living is a Choice

**Climb the Pyramid to Better Eating**

1. The first important Health Information we need to appreciate is our DIET. Our DIET should be Low in Calorie, Low in Fat, Low in Cholesterol and Low in Sodium. The fat plays the most important part of our DIET. By reducing our fat intake we can control chronic diseases such as Heart Disease, Hypertension, Stroke, Diabetes and Cancer.

2. Water is the preferred fluid of the body. Fill a water bottle that has a lid and keep it handy near your desk or around your home. Sip on it regularly to quench your thirst, keep your body hydrated and maintain a healthy digestive tract.

3. Foods that are high in fiber are also very filling. Eating fiber-enriched breakfast cereals is an easy way to increase the fiber in your daily diet. Plain popcorn is naturally high in fiber and low in fat. Enjoy it as a snack with your choice of seasoning.

4. Increasing your activities of daily living helps you stay mobile and burn extra calories. Activities like housework, car washing and lawn work use more calories than sedentary ones like watching television or doing desk work. Find ways to move more. Take the steps and forego the elevator, at least for a few floors. Park your car a farther distance from your destination and walk.

5. Take walking breaks from work. Briskly walk 7-8 minutes in one direction and then turn around. The average walker can walk one mile in 15 minutes. Try to walk during a lunch break, eat and then return. It will often be more convenient than trying to park a car.

6. Busy people can often find time to cook healthy meals on their days **_off._** Make extra servings of food like low-fat soups, salads and breads. Freeze extra servings of soups for a later date when you might be too busy to cook. Salads and vegetables will stay fresher longer in sealed plastic containers with an absorbent paper towel placed inside.

_7. _Take breath breaks. Many of us are shallow breathers and are not getting the oxygen we need. Breathe deeply and gently and hold your breath for a few seconds. Exhale completely. Repeat a few times.

_\- Salah Fakhouri_
**  
**

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****

****

****

****

****

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**SECRET # 6**

**MASTER SELF-MANAGEMENT**

_6 Elements of Life & Balance_

_Self-Discipline_

_Time is Your Most Valuable Commodity_

_12 Steps Towards Better Time Management_

_20 Useful Techniques for Organizing Time_

#####

##### __

##### _There is nothing so useless_

##### _as doing efficiently that which_

##### _should not be done at all._

##### _\- Peter F. Drucker_
_  
_

##### 6 Elements of Life & Balance

Often people are setting their goals in terms of financial and materialistic aspects, neglecting the crucial and important other dimensions of life. To be balanced our life should be addressed in the following six areas.

**Personal Goals**

- Family Goals

- Work Related Goals.

- Financial Goals.

- Intellectual Goals.

- Spiritual Goals.

Working in one dimension, constantly at the cost of other dimensions is disastrous on a long term basis because at the end of the journey of life you will be unfulfilled, unbalanced and regretful.

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_

#####

##### Self-Discipline

- Self – discipline is the principle by which one may voluntarily shape the patterns of thought to harmonize with his aims and purposes.

This privilege carries with it a heavy responsibility because it is the one privilege which determines, more than all others the position in life which each man shall occupy.

_\- N. Hill_

- Self-discipline means, at its most personal level, that you do not _attempt_ to deceive yourself. Always be careful what you think. Practice self-restraint in your private life. Remember that a person's opinion of himself eventually shows in his face and is reflected in his outward behavior. A true leader exercises self-discipline through controlling his thoughts and actions even when he believes that no one else can see him.

_\- Donald G. Krause_

- We do not have too little time, but we make poor use of a lot of it.

_\- Seneca_
**  
**

##### Time is your Most Valuable Commodity

- Take the time to work, for it is the price of success.

Take the time to think, it is source of strength.

Take the time to play, it is the secret of youth.

Take the time to read, it is the seed of wisdom.

The time to be friendly, for it brings happiness.

Take the time to dream, for it will carry you to the stars.

Take the time to love, it is the joy of life.

Take the time to be content, it is the music of the soul.

_(Original Irish Text)_

- The Three Facts of Time are;

1. You can't buy time. Time is distributed equally to all of us. Its inequality results from the way that it's managed or wasted.

2. Time cannot be saved up. It runs on uninterruptedly: you are older every second. You can't stock up on time.

3. Time cannot be stopped. Lost time can never be recovered.

****

- Time is Money

Yesterday is a cancelled cheque

Tomorrow is a promissory note

Today is ready cash. Use it!

All analogies break down at a certain point. Time is patently _not_ money. You can make money, you can't make time.

As the Chinese proverb says: "An inch of gold cannot buy an inch of time." Time is infinitely more precious than money. As most of us try to save our money and invest it wisely, how much more should we try to avoid wasting our time and to invest it with all our energy to good effect?

_\- Christian Godfrey & John Clark_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

We can't get there,

unless we know where 'there' is.

Shoot for the moon.

Even if you miss it,

you'll land among the stars.

An inch of gold

cannot buy an inch of time.

A person without a goal is like

a boat without a rudder.

Use the self-starter

"Do it now"

and then get into action.
**  
**

12 Steps Towards Better Time Management

****

**1. ****Goal Setting**

- All planning is thinking forwards in time. By setting goals or objectives, vague aspirations are reduced to tangible and attainable forms.

- Goal setting has proved remarkably successful. For example when Indian Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru said that India would be an industrial power in twenty years it was like setting a goal for the nation.

- As the Spanish proverb says, 'If you build no castles in the air, you build no castles anywhere'.

- If you do not know where you are going any road will get you there.

__

- A person without a goal is a like a boat without a rudder.

- Goals have the following criteria:

Personal Clear

Practical Specific

Positive Attainable

Time bound Written

Flexible Consistent

Measurable Participative

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_

- **A Goal With No Deadline Loses 80 Per Cent of its Value**

Have you been setting deadlines for each job, at least to get it started? if not, delays, setbacks, complications will multiply. And what's worse, you'll be a target for failure, bad luck, and a jinxed person... and nothing you do will work out as it should.

A goal without a deadline is not a goal. You may have done everything necessary to get your project off the ground and finish it on time, but if you don't have a deadline, you risk ending up running around in circles, or watching things drag on. Set reasonable deadlines. Take special care not to make them too long.

Some people say: 'I understand, I'll set a deadline.' but they choose a date so far in the future, that it means nothing. It's as bad as having no deadline at all.

Subdivide the big jobs into smaller, less important ones, and give each of then a relatively short-term deadline. For example, I can say to myself that I'm going to finish this book in three months. Then I would subdivide the method into two chapters per week, which would be my short-term objective.

Your subconscious always needs precise directions in order to function well. Things that are too distant in time become hazy, and generally don't materialize.

_\- Christian Godfrey & John Clark _

- **How To Be A Better Planner/ Goal Setter?**

Ask yourself the following questions:

Where am I now?

How did I reach here?

Where do I want to go from here?

Why do I want to go there?

What do I need in order to go there?

How will I go there?

What stands in my way?

How will I overcome it?

**2. ****The Time Management Matrix**

Classify your priorities according to the two following criteria, which are objective and easy to understand:

- Importance

- Urgency

All your activities can be classified according to a combination of these two factors. Always keep them in mind when establishing your priorities.

Some tasks are important, but not urgent. If it's April, and you have to prepare for a vital series of negotiations in September, the task is not urgent, despite its importance.

Important and urgent: These tasks should head the list. Their importance means that they have a high potential for profit and that if you neglect them, the negative consequences could be considerable.

Important and urgent things usually start out by just being important. Thanks to the time management system, one can be in a position to predict, and therefore eliminate, numerous emergencies. Of course, unexpected emergencies will continue to happen, there's nothing you can do about that.  | **URGENT** | **NOT URGENT**

---|---|---

**I**

**M**

**PORTANT** | **I**

**Activities :**

Crisis

Pressing problems

Deadline driven projects | **II**

**Activities :**

Prevention, PC activities

Relationship building

Recognizing new opportunities

Planning, recreation

**NOT**

****

**IMPORTANT** | **III**

**Activities :**

Interuptions, some calls

Some mail, some reports

Some meetings

Proximate, pressing matters

Popular activities | **IV**

**Activities :**

Trivia, busy work

Some mail

Some phone calls

Time wasters

Pleasant activities

Peter Drucker said "Effective people are not problem minded; they're opportunity minded. They feed opportunities and starve problems. They think preventively. They have genuine quadrant I crises and emergencies that require their immediate attention, but the number is comparatively small. They focus on the important, but not urgent, high leverage capacity–building activities of quardant II".

Whatever they are, because they are important and urgent, these activities should head your list of priorities. You should also classify them according to their relative importance.

**3. ****Parkinson's Principle**

It states work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

In other words we always take as much time as we are given to do a job.

**4. ****Pareto's Principle**

The Pareto principle, named after an Italian economist, states that the significant items of a given group form a relatively small part of the total. For example, 20 percent of the sales force will bring in 80 percent of new business. As that ratio seems to hold true in many areas, it is often called the 80/20 rule or the concept of 'the vital few and trivial many.

The Pareto principle also relates to the time available in your day. Eighty percent of your really productive and creative work will be done in 20 percent of your time.

Pareto observed that 20 percent of the population in Italy controlled 80 percent of the material wealth. This proportion was extended and applied to the other areas of observation by other specialists. They conclude that:

20 % of your clients account for 80% of your sales.

20 % of your clients make 80% of complaints.

20 % of the workforce does 80% of the work.

20 % of a newspaper contains 80% of its news.

20 % of a book contains 80% of its information.

20 % of your priorities result in 80% of your profitable productivity.

At home, 80% of the dirt is found in 20% of the total area.

Only 20% of the tasks that we do produce 80% of the results. Conversely most people spend 80% of the time doing duties that are related to only 20% of job results.

Home front : 80% of the washing is done on 20% of the dresses in the wardrobe that are used most often.

In a list of ten tasks, doing 2 of them yield 80% rewards.

This rule will help you locate those 2 items, which would fetch you 80% results in 20% work. They are 'A' priority items. Once you locate them, the rest of the goals you have are simply 'B' or 'C' priority items.

The solution is not in learning how to do everything more efficiently, but in learning to do less more effectively.

**5. ****Delegation**

- If you want to acquire the most important _strategic_ time saver you must master the art of delegation. The importance of being able to delegate increases the higher up in organization you go.

- Many people refuse to delegate to other people because they feel it takes too much time and effort and they could do the job better themselves. But effectively delegating to others is perhaps the single most powerful high-leverage activity there is.

- Transferring responsibility to other skilled and trained people enables you to give your energies to other high-leverage activities. Delegation means growth, both for individuals and for organizations. The late J.C. Penney was quoted as saying that the wisest decision he ever made was to "let go" after realizing that he couldn't do it all by himself any longer. That decision, made long ago, enabled the development and growth of hundreds of stores and thousands of people.

- Delegation begins with a deep sense of the value and limits of your own time. From that stems a strong desire to focus on priorities – the work that only you can do – and to delegate the rest. That will leave you free to think, plan and act effectively.

- Delegation is not abdication. Some degree of control needs to be maintained. The more trustworthy the subordinate the less that will be.

- Delegating the more routine or predictable parts of your job is only the first step. Giving people power to make decisions and to act in your place within a given sphere is the next one. That is not always easy. It requires courage, judgement and faith in others because you remain accountable for what they do.

- 'Y _ou will never have so much authority as when you begin to give it away.'_

- People who don't delegate at all are condemning themselves to a state of stagnation, since the number of hours available in a week is limited. Those who delegate most, make the most progress. Most of their time is spent getting things done by others, motivating them and supervising them.

_\- John Adair_

**6. ****Learn To Say 'No'**

- Learn to say "No!" It might be difficult at first, but there are many ways to say no:

'I'm sorry, I'm not available just at the moment...'

'Could you come back to my office at the end of the day?'

Learn to use these polite refusals more often.

Don't give an answer right away, when you are interrupted and asked for something.

Say you need a few minutes to think about it. Then call back. Remember that you do have the right to say no.

Efficient time management continually demands making choices. Saying no is also making a choice.

When asked for your time or energy, first think 'no', then 'maybe', and then perhaps... "Yes".

_\- John Adair_

__

- Five Occasions When You Must Say 'No'

1. When the request is unreasonable.

2. When the task has a low priority.

3. When you lack the knowledge or skills.

4. When angry or upset.

5. When it need not be done by you at all.

**7. ****Saying Yes With Confidence**

The purpose of learning to say no is to give yourself control over your own time. The more you value yourself and the more valuable you are to others, the more important it becomes for you to have the skill and confidence to say no without cutting off the relationship.

Your yeses will become more fun and more satisfying if they are freely given. When they are no longer contaminated by too many commitments, when they are not the result of arm twisting, and when they are the result of making a positive decision rather than avoiding a negative decision, you can say yes wholeheartedly, and you will be able to say no in a way you feel good about and that your listener will hear and be able to accept.

**8. ****Effectiveness Vs Efficiency**

- Peter Drucker, the famous management expert, writes:

" Results come from doing the right thing, not from doing things right."

In this sentence, there's a world of difference between effectiveness and efficiency. Someone who is efficient does things right. Someone who is effective does the right thing.

Don't Work Harder, Work Smarter!

People who advance quickly, who get rich faster than others, who become popular and excel in their chosen field, all belong to the same category: they're the ones who use each passing hour to the full. By putting out a minimum of effort, they obtain maximum results!

_\- Christian Godfrey & John Clark_

****

- A Short Story About Being Effective

'If I had a hundred banknotes in my hand – 98 one-dollar bills, and 2 one-hundred-dollar bills – and a gust of wind suddenly sent them flying all around the room what would your strategy be to retrieve them?'

One important detail: you're not alone in the room, and the other person is just as interested in getting richer as you are.... What would you do? 'Where are the two $100 bills?' Were you thinking about these two bills, even if they'd fallen somewhere at the other end of the room may be you'd only succeed in finding the two hundred-dollar bills, while the other person would get... all the others.

So at best, the other person can get $98, while you're left with $200, plus everything else you could pick up afterwards.

**9. ****Procrastination Is The Thief Of Time**

- When a "wow" opportunity, a "wow" invitation, or a "wow" idea comes to them, possibility thinkers snatch it!

"The early bird gets the worm." They know that! They are do-it-now people. They pick up the phone. They call for a get-together—"how soon can you make it?" They rearrange their previous plans to make time. Tomorrow is too late! Now is the time to seize the opportunity.

Today! Stop crying. Start possibilitizing. Begin, today, to get back "in" somewhere.

The phone won't ring by itself for you; the letters won't just come to you. You have to get up, get out, and get with it!

Your greatest enemy is procrastination. Your biggest obstacle is inertia. Your most dangerous temptation is delaying. Getting started is the hardest part. Breaking loose and "beginning" is the toughest job. Postponing can wipe out the opportunity. Scratch out the word "someday." Someday is today!

Possibility thinkers are mountain climbers. No softies last here.

- He slept beneath the moon,

He basked beneath the sun.

He lived a life of going-to-do

And died with nothing done.

_\- Robert Schuller_

- **Let a starter work for you:**

Getting started is often the most difficult part. Even when you have a strategic plan, and precise daily and weekly schedules do you have trouble getting started? What do you do with your car when it's cold out? You turn on the engine. Well, this is the same thing!

For example, take a writer sitting in front of a blank page. He waits for inspiration. Without a starter, the writer will just sit there, biting the end of the pencil, drinking coffee, listening to the news, checking the time, having a bite to eat.

With a starter, the writer will start writing whatever comes into his or her head, without stopping, without crossing out, precise, condensed... And bang! Suddenly the idea comes. And then another one... And so it goes.

The trick?

S - T _\- A - R \- T_

Turn the key and get started, even if you're not ready. Tell yourself:

_I MUST ACT NOW!_

Without a starter, hours and days will go by without inspiration.

_\- Christian Godefroy & John Clark_

**10. ****Use Executive Neglect**

How do we determine what can be left undone? You will have to be the final judge, but here are some tips.

The motivation for learning to let go of tasks is to have firm idea of what you would gain from freeing up this extra time. The goal is not just to replace it with more work. If you haven't stopped recently to think about what is important to you, what your values are, and how you are going to achieve balance in your life, now would be a good time to do this. As you write out your personal values and mission, you might define your marriage or personal life, spiritual life, family, community interests, and hobbies as holding primary importance. Once you have this firmly planted in your mind, it will be easier to discover what tasks need your executive neglect.

_\- Ann McGee Cooper & Duane Traumwell_

****

**11. ****Play Is Not A Time Waster**

Play is not a time waster: it's a time saver. Here's how it can save you time:

- Tasks don't take as long to accomplish or tire you out as quickly when you are having fun.

- A playful mind is creative and open. You will discover new solutions faster

- When you stop for play, you have a better, healthier, more positive attitude and will be more likely to view problems as opportunities.

- You will have a much greater possibility of enjoying good mental and physical health: as a result, you will lose less time because of illness.

- You are far more likely to admit your mistakes and profit from them. This attitude is essential for success in the quality movement.

- It is likely that you will be a safer, more alert worker.

_\- Ann McGee Cooper & Duane Traumwell_

__

**12. ****Ask the Four D's**

Drop it?

Delegate it?

Delay it?

Do it?

These four questions take only a few moments to consider, yet save a tremendous amount of time.

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

If I had 8 hours to chop a tree

I would use 2 hours to sharpen my axe.

I may be doing less each day

but I am doing more worthwhile things.

Balancing different life activities

is the key to peak performance.

It is never crowded along the extra mile.

Settle one difficulty

and you keep hundreds away.

What good is a great idea

if it doesn't get off the ground?

Hard work is often the easy work

you did not do at the proper time.
**  
**

20 Useful Techniques for Organizing Time

1. Exploit 'free' time: time spent in waiting rooms, airports, and taxis etc. Key: visualize the day ahead, estimate the probabilities of any dead time, and prepare yourself with simple tasks: reading, correspondence, writing letters, etc.

2. Remember the Industrial Engineers motto "There is always a better method."

3. Ensure that your time investment is not out of proportion to the profits you expect to make – in money or in satisfaction. Possible trap: if you don't separate work / leisure / family, you might end up being one of those 'tortured workers' or workholics.

4. Realize that life is short, and that 'you can't take it with you!' therefore try to make it as pleasant as possible, here and now, and not tomorrow.

5. At the beginning of a meeting, tell the other person how much time you can spend.

6. Make daily and monthly lists of things that have to be done.

7. Use brain storming exercises periodically to get fresh ideas.

8. Deadline every task.

9. Do not let outside opinions limit our activity.

10. When you write, keep it short: letter of three lines, notes of one sentence. Don't feel obliged to make things longer.

11. Answer your mail – or throw it out – or delegate it – each day, so that it doesn't pile up.

12. Plan backward: This contains the idea of a specific goal. It helps you to know exactly where and when to start.

13. Have a very large wastepaper basket, and don't worry about how much it weighs at the end of the day! Throw everything away that isn't useful, even books, thick files, etc.

14. Have a watch with an alarm, an ultra-light portable computer, a fax machine, a telephone with programmable memory, a telephone answering machine (with remote message retrieval), a micro-cassette; in short, all the gadgets that can really help you, and which are indispensable to your work.

15. Seek out the opposite: positive contacts, dynamic stimulating, creative, original people.

16. Allot yourself numerous periods to relax, refresh yourself, enjoy yourself, every day, as a way of rewarding yourself for objectives you have attained.

17. Ask people who come to you with problems to propose their own solutions.

18. Before answering 'yes', ask yourself if you really want to get involved.

19. Write it down, write it down anywhere, on your shirt sleeves, if necessary. Organize for the next day at the end of the previous day.

20. Plan for the unexpected. Don't schedule every minute of the day.
**  
**

****

****

****

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**SECRET # 7**

**MANAGE STRESS**

_Understanding Stress_

_Managing Stress – 6 Suggestions_

_Commune with Nature_

_The Power of Silence_

_The Power of Meditation_

_If you observe nature at work, you will see that least effort is expended. Grass doesn't try to grow, it just grows. Fish don't try to swim, they just swim. Flowers doesn't try to bloom, they bloom. Birds don't try to fly, they fly. This is their intrinsic nature. The earth doesn't try to spin on its own axis; it is the nature of earth to spin with dizzying speed and to hurtle through space. It is the nature of babies to be in bliss. It is the nature of the sun to shine. It is the nature of the stars to glitter and sparkle._

_\- Deepak Chopra_
**_  
_**

##### Understanding Stress

Stress is a forerunner of several physical ailments and mental illnesses is increasing our vulnerability all the time. Being the products of the society we live in, it is to be understood that stresses are inevitable. What can be attempted is to manage stress (being unable to avoid it) and ultimately turn it to our best advantage. Once we learn to control it, stress can serve as a powerful motivating force for creativity and achievement. Not all stress is bad. We sometimes hear people say "I work better under pressure" or "I thrive on competition". What we need is a balance.

Stress can be positive or negative. Some events are associated with positive emotions, while others are associated with negative emotions. Positive changes and positive emotions can come from winning a match, shifting residence, getting married, a new job, promotion, becoming a parent etc. They may be stressful but since they are associated with positive feelings of pleasure, confidence, excitement, happiness, love and joy, actually increasing our resistance to negative stress. On the other hand, the negative situations such as being stuck in a traffic jam, illness, interpersonal problems, difficulty at the place of work, financial losses are all associated with negative feelings such as sadness, dissatisfaction, conflict, irritation and confusion, thereby lowering our resistance to stress and making us vulnerable to mental disturbance and disease.

Essential Stress: Stress is not only desirable but also essential to life. A certain amount of stress is essential for normal health. Hans Seyle said, "Complete freedom from stress is death."

Effects of Stress on Body

Whenever there is an event causing stress, there is secretion of adrenalin, a hormone inside the body, which causes all symptoms of stress. e.g. Digestion slows, breathing becomes faster, the heart rate goes up, sweating increases, muscles become tense, temporarily the organism becomes strong and alert only to become very weak once the effect is over.

The following are various ailments commonly attributed to stress:

- Psychological - Extreme irritability, absent mindedness, lack of memory, concentration, restlessness, headache, dizziness, sleeplessness.

- Musculo-skeletal - Body pains, tired muscles, general weakness.

- Cardio-vascular System - Increased heart rate, high blood pressure, palpitation, heart attacks.

- Respiratory System - Shortness of breath, bronchial asthma, allergies, over breathing.

- Digestive System - Hyperacidity, indigestion and diarrhoea, ulcers, constipation, ulcerative colitis.

- General - Lack of resistance in body, skin allergies, expectancy of life reduced, lowered threshold for pain continuous sweating.

- Addictions - Sleeping tablets, smoking, drinking and abuse of drugs, tendency for suicide.

Sources of Stress

Stressors are the external demands on the internal attitudes and thoughts that require us to adapt. They can include for e.g. traffic jams, pollution in city, the fifth cup of tea, the pushy salesman who will not take no for an answer, or the angry boss. Look for the following sources of stressors in your life.

1. Emotional stressors - War, thinking about losing a job, thinking about the future of one's children, etc.

2. Family stressors \- Interaction with family members, birth of a child, death of a family member, disharmony between parents, husband and wife etc.

3. Social stressors \- Giving a speech, expressing anger, asking a person out on a date, attending parties etc.

4. Change stressors – Leaving or starting a job, moving house, moving to a new city. etc.

5. Chemical stressors - Drug addiction, smoking etc.

6. Work stressor - Asking for a raise, trying to meet impossible deadlines, explaining a mistake, making an apology etc.

7. Decision stressors - Ambiguous and conflicting job demands.

8. Commuting stressors - Driving in rush hour of traffic, travelling in unpredictable buses and trains, returning home in the evenings etc.

9. Phobic stressors \- Exaggerated fears of certain animals, places, objects etc.

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_
**  
**

Managing stress – 6 Suggestions

**1. ****Attitude**

- We don't want to completely avoid stress, or we'd miss out on all those wonderful high energy chemicals that keep us alert and primed to respond. We can learn to ride that rush of hormones to greater performance, if we choose.

- Your attitude can sour everything. One can make even slightly negative situations as painful and as stressful as possible, by saying in your head 'I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.' But if you consciously try to find humour in situations that upsets you, the result would be that you would have a lot more energy and not be as dragged out anymore.

- You have to remember that most stress reactions are self-induced. There's a trigger out there, but the button to turn it on or leave it off is within you.

- The right frame of mind is what is termed "calm energy" – that is, a state of high motivation with no fear or anxiety.

**2. ****Organize**

- Organize your desk, plan your day; make lists, whatever you need to do to feel you are taking charge of your life.

- Organizing reduces tension by helping you feel more in control of your surroundings.

**3. ****Eating Habits**

- You are what you eat. Your nutrition can determine how you look, act and feel. Adapting to balanced diet regular exercise and maintaining height vs. weight vs. age is a summary of stress management and requires constant reminder, motivation and efforts.

- Eat nutritious foods, avoid alcohol and caffeine, sleep at least 7-8 hours a night, exercise regularly, plan 'time waster' activities you love and that lift your spirits (dinner with friends, reading a book). These are the things that will replenish the energy you lose during high stress times and help you continue working at full steam.

- Limit caffeine - it speeds up your nervous system.

**4. ****Relaxation**

- If you take two minutes to relax and program yourself positively, those two minutes are saved many times over. What you are doing, in effect, is taking the sting out of the bee – removing the pressure from the time limit.

- Find time over the weekend to take off your watch. Eat, rest play, and work in response to your body instead of the clock.

**5. ****Nature's Bounty**

Make time for spiritual renewal, solitude, and nature.

**6. ****Slow Down The Pace**

- If the effect of this hectic pace of today's life is so pronounced physically, what must be its effect on the deep inner essence of the personality known as the soul?

_\- Dr. Bharatchandra_
**  
**

Commune with Nature's Bounty

- There is another source one can call upon to help keep the spirit build up and that is good old nature, the great mother and teacher of us all. There one can, if one will listen, and look, and meditate, find the great and loving God, the creator of nature, who speaks to every seeking heart through his marvelous, powerful and exquisite handiwork.

_\- N. V. Peale_

- The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.

_\- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

- The sky is that beautiful old parchment in which the sun and the moon keep their diary.

_\- Alfred Kreymborg_

- Nature is painting for us, day after day, pictures of infinite beauty if only we have eyes to see them.

_\- John Ruskin_

- Flowers always make people better, happier and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine to the soul.

_\- Luther Burbank_

- Nature we have always with us, an inexhaustible storehouse of that which moves the heart, appeals to the mind, and fires the imagination—health to the body, a stimulus to the intellect, and joy to the soul. To the scientist, nature is a storehouse of facts, laws, processes; to the artist she is a storehouse of images, fancies, a source of inspiration; to the moralist she is a storehouse of precepts and parables; to all she may be a source of knowledge and joy.

_\- John Burroughs_

- Spending time in nature enables you to sense the harmonious interaction of all the elements and forces of life, and gives you a sense of unity with all of life. Whether it be a stream, a forest, a mountain, a lake, or the seashore, that connection with nature's intelligence will also help you to connect to the true power.

_\- N. V. Peale_
**  
**

##### Self-Motivators

Silence

is good medicine

for the heart.

Flowers are sunshine,

food and medicine to the soul.

Accumulate power in silence,

and become a dynamo

of spirituality.

Relaxation is the very soil

in which roses of enlightenment

grow.

Talk peaceful to be peaceful.
**  
**

The Power of Silence

- Jibhya Roko Didh Lagao" i.e. Sages have commanded: 'Be in silence, fix your concentration.

_\- Dr. Rochaldas_

- When you are constantly evaluating, classifying, labeling, analyzing, you create a lot of turbulence in your internal dialogue. This turbulence constricts the flow of energy between you and the field of pure potentiality.

_\- Deepak Chopra_

- By observing silence and appreciating nature in any form you can get in touch with the inner most essence of your being. This true essence is beyond the ego. It is fearless; it is free; it is immune to criticism; it does not fear any challenge. It is beneath no one, superior to no one, and full of magic, mystery, and enchantment.

_\- Osho_

- Everyday, sit in silence and explain to yourse1f that not a leaf stirs, except it be the will of God and in the will of God is our real good though appearances may be to the contrary. Through practice, I will arrive at a stage of stability where nothing will upset me.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves' said Carlyle. Silence conditions the mind to those sharper illuminations, which surely come from God working in your thoughts. Divine guidance is always spoken in a still, small voice. You cannot hear it in confusion - certainly not in excited panic.

_-_ _N. V. Peale_

- Never neglect to keep your daily appointment with God - begin with just 5 minutes of silence and you will find a great difference in your life.

_\- Dada Vaswani_
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The Power of Meditation

- One of the best ways to learn to distinguish between what is real and what is an illusion is through the practice of meditation. This is a quiet time devoted to connecting to our real selves and to the infinite intelligence of the universe.

_\- Arnold Patent_

- Meditation leads us to a state of peacefulness. It is only in a state of peacefulness that we can be truly creative and fully and freely express who we really are. We feel peaceful when we know that whatever is perfect for us is a gift from universe, awaiting our readiness to receive it.

Meditation also provides an opportunity to be in touch with the life force behind the infinite supply of energy in the universe, that which connects and supports all of us—love, fear, anxiety or any other emotional state is simply the result of our withholding love from ourselves and others. When we meditate, the peacefulness we feel opens us to the love of the universe, which we can then allow to flow through us.

_\- N. V. Peale_

- Make yourselves servants of humanity. Be living sermons. Meditation is the bridge, which connects man with God. The methods of meditation are many, but their main purpose is to provide a way to escape from the net of M _aya_ [cosmic illusion], the cause of all suffering, and to bring peace and bliss in the mind of man.

_\- Swami Chetanananda_

- My emphasis is on meditation so that you can hear your still small voice - which will give you the guidance, the sense of direction.

_\- Osho_

- One should question, "What am I?" Just consider: Am I this body? No. Am I this finger? No, this is _my finger._ If you contemplate your leg, you will see, "Oh, this is _my leg."_ Similarly you'll find everything to be "mine." And where is that "I"? Everything is mine, but where is that "I"? When one is searching for that "I," that is meditation.

_\- Swami Prabhupada_
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**SECRET # 8**

**PRACTICE THE LAW OF GIVING**

_The Law of Giving_

_Abundance Is Energy_

_Understanding "Detachment"_

_Our Most Common Attachments_

_On Ego_

__

__

_Giving begins the receiving process - the more you give the more you receive._

_\- Deepak Chopra_
**  
**

##### The Law of Giving

- Because your body and your mind and the universe are in constant and dynamic exchange, stopping the circulation of energy is like stopping the flow of blood. Whenever blood stops flowing, it begins to clot, to coagulate, to stagnate. That is why you must give and receive in order keep wealth and affluence – or anything you want in life – circulating in your life.

If we stop the circulation of money – if our only intention is to hold on to our money and hoard it – since it is life energy, we will stop its circulation back into our lives as well. In order to keep that energy coming to us, we have to keep the energy circulating. Like a river, money must keep flowing, otherwise it begins to stagnate, to clog, to suffocate and strangle its very own life force. Circulation keeps it alive and vital.

_\- Deepak Chopra_

- "What! Giving again?" I ask in dismay.

"And must I keep giving and giving away?"

"Oh no," said the angel looking me through,

"Just keep giving till the master stops giving to you!"

_\- Anonymous_

- In order to understand the principle of giving and receiving, visualize a circle of people in which each person is giving to and receiving from another person in the circle. When everything is moving freely around the circle, everyone receives the benefit of whatever is circulating, including the energy, which is increasing its rate of vibration. If even one person holds on to anything the flow stops, and everyone feels the block in energy as well as the drop in the rate of vibration. Giving is another joy producer.

_\- Arnold Patent_

- It is a paradox that only the more we give away the more we have. Not in money, perhaps, but certainly in character and self-esteem. When we are thinking of others, we are much less likely to be worrying about ourselves. There's a double payoff.

True giving asks no return. There is no remembering, no expectation, no greediness for gratitude. And none of us is too poor to give love, respect, attention, encouragement, time, caring, assistance, compassion.

_\- Earnie Larson & Carol Hegarty_

Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service and have a definite objective in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.

_\- Leo Tolstoy_

The great secret is that happiness is not to be found in getting but in giving. It is not what you do for yourself that will give you the greatest happiness but, rather, what you do for others. That is why the great thinker, Jesus, who talked much about these things, said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

_\- N. V. Peale_

##### Abundance is Energy

- The universal mind choreographs everything that is happening in billions of galaxies with elegant precision and unfaltering intelligence. Its intelligence is ultimate and supreme, and it permeates every fiber of existence: from the smallest to the largest, from the atom to the cosmos. Everything that is alive is an expression of this intelligence.

_\- Deepak Chopra_

- Our universe includes everything in existence from the largest galaxy to the tiniest particle. Each "thing" - seen as well as unseen - is composed of energy. Another way to say this is that the universe is a limitless expression of energy. Within all energy, and thus within everything in the universe, is a loving intelligence that is infinite, eternal and purposeful. This infinite intelligence, or God, or simply love – there are many names for the essence of energy—is the motivating force, the source of all creative expression in the universe.

_\- Arnold Patent_

Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature's intelligence. But when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates – and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create other forms of energy.

The artist and the musician illustrate this process quite naturally. In their work, don't they take an intangible thought or feeling and turn it into something tangible—a painting or a symphony?

_\- Deepak Chopra_

- Everything is energy. The difference between a color and a sound, between a cosmic ray and a television picture is frequency, or what energy is doing and how fast.  Matter. Is energy, _too,_ as we learn from Einstein's theory e = mc2 – it is energy doing something else, being in another state. An interesting thing about energy – in a world of opposites: up and down, black and white, fast and slow – is that there is no opposite for energy. This is because there is nothing that is not energy, including you and me and everything we think. Thinking both consumes and creates energy, or, to be more accurate, it converts energy.

There is no place on the globe where energy is not found. Water is but a liquid union of gases, and is charged with electrical, mechanical and chemical energies, any one of which is capable of doing great service and great damage to man.

Even ice, in its coldest phase, has energy. For it is not subdued, nor even still; its force has broken mountain rocks fragments. This energy about us we are drinking in water, eating in food and breathing in air. Not a chemical molecule is free from it; not an atom can exist without it. We are a combination of individual energies.

_\- N. Hill_

- Your _body_ is energy, your _mind_ is energy, your _soul_ is energy. Then what is the difference between these _three_? The difference is only of a different rhythm, different wavelength that's all, the body is gross – energy functioning in a gross way, in a visible way.

Mind is a little more subtle. But still not too subtle, because you can close your eyes and you can see the thoughts moving; they can be seen. They are not as visible as your body; your body is visible to everybody else, it is publicly visible. And the third, the ultimate layer inside you, is that of consciousness, it is not even visible to you. It cannot be reduced into an object, it remains subject.

There is no relationship of consciousness and energy. Consciousness is energy, purest energy; mind is not so pure, body is still less pure. Body is much too mixed, and mind is also not totally pure.

And the fourth is more than the sum total of the parts. If you dissect a painting, you will find the canvas and the colours, but the painting is not simply the sum total of the canvas and colours; the it is something more. That 'something more' is expressed through the painting, colour, canvas, the artist, but that 'something more' is beauty. Dissect the rose flower, and you will find all the chemicals and things it is constituted of, but the beauty will disappear. It was not just the sum total of the parts, it was more.

_\- Osho_

- Energy is synonymous with love. When we resist the flow of energy or love we experience discomfort. When we align with the energy flowing around and through us, we feel joyful and at peace.

If abundance is energy and all energy is love, then abundance is love. Energy (love) wishes to flow freely and to stay in balance. We support this free flow and balance by giving generously, receiving gratefully, and feeling and expressing gratitude for all that we have.

_\- Arnold Patent_

- Negative emotions such as doubt, **** fear, worry, anger, hostility, self-pity, and jealousy will drain you of your energy. Likewise, indecision saps energy. Commitment on the other hand, taps into and releases incredible powers - physical, emotional, and spiritual. If you've got the faith, God's got the power. He wants to open floodgates of energy in the person who experiences his faith and gets going. As you spend yourself building, constructing, helping, and pursuing great causes, you become tremendously enthusiastic. You don't consume energy; you recycle your energy supply!

_-_ _N. V. Peale_

- Reiki: The word Reiki means Universal Life Force Energy. It is defined as being that power, which acts and lives in all created matter. The word consists of two parts. The syllable REI describes the Universal boundless beings. It is one of the highest forms of energy in existence.

Everybody is born with Reiki, for it is the energy of life itself. Reiki is a wonderful tool to help one develop conscious awareness, the very key to enlightenment. Reiki affects each individual in very personal way – the result being determined by the needs of the person being treated.

_\- Paula Horan_
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##### Self-Motivators

If you desire your own well-being,

You must wish others well.

It is more blessed to give

Than to receive.

Make a decision to give

Wherever you go,

Whomever you see.

As long as you're giving,

You will be receiving.

Those who bring

sunshine to others,

cannot keep it

from themselves.
**  
**

##### Understanding Detachment

- Like two golden birds

Perched on the selfsame tree

Intimate, friends,

The ego and the self

Dwell in the same body.

The former eats the sweet

And sour fruits of the tree of life

While the latter looks on in detachment.

_-The Mundaka Upnishda_

- **Energy Requires Free Movement**

Air moves freely through the atmosphere. Water flows freely down a mountain stream. Waves roll freely onto ocean beaches. The earth moves freely on its axis. The nature of life is freedom of movement.

Looked at from the viewpoint of energy, we know that energy requires free movement in order to function effectively and efficiently. The energy of the universe wants to flow freely around and through us. When we allow it to, we and everyone else benefits. Each time we interfere with this free flow of energy, we reduce, proportionately the abundance coming to us. Blocking the flow of energy also results in discomfort in our bodies – a signal from the universe that we are out of alignment with principle.

One of the ways that we interfere with the free flow of energy is holding on to what we have

_\- Arnold Patent_

- **Vairagya (Detachment) is Essential on any Path**

"One cannot succeed on any path ( _marg)_ – karma marg, bhakti marg and gyan marg – in the absence of vairagya. So, vairagya is essential on all the three paths. Karma marg envisages practice (abhyas), bhakti marg envisages discrimination (vivek) and gyan marg envisages contemplation (vichar). However, detachment (vairagya) is an essential element on all the paths. A jiva can progresses in the direction of Allah only when he is detached from the world.

_\- Dr. Rochaldas_

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- **Detachment Will Bring More Abundance**

- Detachment is not about denying the joy of achieving abundance. Paradoxically, it will bring more abundance into your life, rather than require you to shed all your material goods. However, you will probably find it quite easy to divest yourself of your possessions if that is your choice.

- Every attachment is an impediment to living at a higher level of consciousness. On another level, attachments are responsible for reduced personal happiness and success. The more you can let go of people and things, the fewer obstacles you have for your life journey.

- Detachment is the absence of a need to hold on to anyone or anything. It does not mean not having things. It is a way of thinking and being which gives us the freedom to flow with life, as does everything that is given to us by God.

- Detachment is one of life's great lessons for those on the path of enlightenment.

- Try squeezing a handful of water and see how quickly it disappears. But relax and let your hand flow in the same water and you have the experience of the water as long as you like. This is the principle of detachment and flowing. Allowing things to flow naturally is the way of the universe. Everything in the universe – yes, everything – is energy, and that includes you. Energy must have a free flow in order for it to be most efficient. Allowing things to flow naturally is the way of the universe. Air flows around the planet without interruption. Water flows throughout the entire physical plane with the path of least resistance. The earth itself flows perfectly without interruption on its axis, as do all heavenly bodies in the universe.

- You are not attached to the actions of that your body performs every moment that you are in your form. You are not trying to make your entire system function. It is working perfectly without any direction from you.

You are never busy talking to and working on your digestive, respiratory, or elimination systems. They all simply work without any interference from you. Your heart beats thousands of times each and every day of your life. When did you ever spend time trying to beat your heart? It works automatically and perfectly, and less attached you are to how it is working, the less likely are you to have trouble from it.

In the words of Khalil Gibran in "the prophet"

_Your children are not your children._

_They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself._

_They came through you but not from you,_

_And though they are with you yet they belong not to you_.

- Detachment is the only way out of suffering, as a passage from the Bhagvad Gita explains:

_"A person who is not disturbed by incessant flow of desires – that enter like rivers into ocean, which is ever being filled but is always still – can alone achieve peace, and not the man who strives to satisfy such desires_."

- **A Kind of Surrender**

Detachment involves a kind of surrender to the force or intelligence that is behind all form, including your own. Once you completely trust in this energy that makes all form work properly, you begin to slow down and work in harmony with this intelligence. The word "surrender" is a good one to keep in mind. It reminds us to stop the fighting that creates a battleground of life. With surrender, we relax into the natural intelligence and flow of life and can ignore the impulse to be attached to things and people, as they wind in and out of our lives.

_\- Dr. Wayne Dyer_

- **Offload Your Care – A Story**

A villager was travelling in a train for the first time. He was told that he was allowed to carry 20 Kg with him. Since he had some extra baggage, he kept 20 Kg in the designated area and the balance load he carried on his head.

When the ticket collector asked him the reason for carrying the bag on his head, he explained, "I was told that train should not be overloaded, so I am carrying the excess load on my head."

We, in real life do the same thing. Instead of surrendering to Him and letting Him carry the load, we try to take the same on our heads.

_\- Dada Jashan_ _Vaswani_
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##### Our Most Common Attachments

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**Attachment to stuff**

Striving for more things leads to the realization that you cannot ever fulfill yourself from the outside. It leads you to hoarding and ceaselessly comparing yourself to what others are accumulating. It takes your human gaze away from the eyes and hearts of those that you encounter, to their wallets and material possessions.

**Attachment to other people**

Detachment in human relationships does not mean an absence of caring. It means caring so much that you suspend your own value judgments about others and relate to them from a position of love rather than attempting to control or judge them.in learning to become less attached you also learn a fundamental truth about loving relationships. _Love is for giving, not for taking._

**Attachment to the past**

Ralph Waldo Emerson reminded us, "Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect."

**Attachment to your form**

Being exclusively involved with outer appearance makes it difficult to see that your true essence is a formlessness that resides inside the body. Paramahansa Yogananda, writing in _the divine romance, said_ it this way:

_"The saints say this is how you must treat the body, as a temporary residence. Don't be attached to it or bound it. Realize the infinite power of the light, the immortal consciousness of the soul, which is behind this corpse of sensation."_

"Being in the world, but not of it," as Jesus said.

**Attachment to ideas and being right**

Because you are so attached to what you already believe that you insist on making everyone who disagrees with you wrong. It is fine to have strong opinions about anything that you choose, but the moment you become attached to these ideas and thereby define yourself by them, you shut out the possibility of hearing another point of view.

**Attachment to money**

I strongly believe that having money is a benefit in life, and I have nothing negative to say about money. Money is fine, and working to make money is part and parcel of living in modern times. I have found that those who are able to do what they love and keep themselves focused on living that way have the amount of money they need come into their lives. They seem to keep that money circulating, using it to serve others, rather than letting the accumulation of capital and cost of things be the dominant themes in life.

**Attachment to winning**

But the test of awakening in this area is the ability to be detached from the need to win. When we are attached to winning, it becomes an obsession, and we suffer when we do not emerge as the winner. A great test of character is how we react when we lose. Attachment to winning makes many human beings feel like losers.

An attachment to winning almost always goes hand in hand with a need to fight our opponents. The language of competition is similar to that of warfare.

Examine each of the above attachments carefully and see if they apply to you. Remember, it is possible to love things within each one of these categories and still be detached from them

_\- Dr. Wayne Dyer_

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##### A Tale of Two Sisters

Once a beautiful and well-dressed woman visited a house. The master of the house asked her who she was; and she replied that she was the goddess of wealth. The master of the house was delighted and so treated her nicely.

Soon after another woman appeared who was ugly looking and poorly dressed. The master asked who she was and the woman replied that she was the goddess of poverty. The master was frightened and tried to drive her out of the house, but the woman refused to depart, saying, "The goddess of wealth is my sister. There is an agreement between us that we are never to live separately; if you chase me out, she is to go with me." Sure enough, as soon as the ugly woman went out, the other woman disappeared.

Birth goes with death. Fortune goes with misfortune. Bad things follow good things. Men should realize this. Foolish people dread misfortune and strive after good fortune, but those who seek Enlightenment must transcend both of them and be free of worldly attachments.

_-_ _Book of Budhism_
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##### On Ego

The ego is a puzzle. It is something like darkness—which you can see, which you can feel, which can obstruct your way but which does not exist. It has no positivity. It is simply an absence, an absence of light.

The ego is only an absence of awareness.

The room is full of darkness; you want the darkness to leave the room.

Just a small candle has to be brought in. You don't have to expel the darkness. You don't have to fight with it—that is sheer stupidity. Just bring in a small candle, and the darkness is not found any more. Not that it goes out—it cannot go out, because in the first place it does not exist. Neither was it in, nor does it go out.

The light comes in, the light goes out it has positive existence. You can light a candle arid there is no darkness; you can blow out the candle and there is darkness. To do anything with darkness, you will have to do something with light—very strange, very illogical, but what can you do? Such is the nature of things.

_\- Osho_

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A man asked Buddha,

"I want happiness."

Buddha said

First remove 'I' that's ego, then remove 'Want', that's desire.

See now you are left with only 'Happiness'.

_\- Book on Buddhism_

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**SECRET # 9**

**CULTIVATE THE POWER OF YOUR**

**SUB- CONSCIOUS MIND**

_The Limitless Power of the Mind_

_The Conscious and the Subconscious Minds_

_The Marvelous Power of Your Subconscious_

_Go Within_

_Innergize – The Silva Method_

_The exquisite combination of silent, unbounded, infinite mind along with dynamic, bounded, individual mind is the perfect balance of stillness and movement simultaneously that can create whatever you want. This coexistence of opposites \- stillness and dynamism at the same time - makes you independent of situations, circumstances, people, and things._

_When you quietly acknowledge this exquisite coexistence of opposites, you align yourself with the world of energy - the quantum soup, the non-material non-stuff that is the source of the material world. This world of energy is fluid, dynamic, resilient, changing, forever in motion. And yet it is also non-changing, still, quiet, eternal, and silent._

_\- Deepak Chopra_
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##### The Limitless Power of the Mind

#####

##### The mind is the citadel of the soul, wherein is housed the connecting link between the conscious thinking process of man and infinite intelligence.

#####

##### All of man's successes and all of his failures and frustrations are the direct result of the manner in, which he uses his mind, or neglects to use it.

##### _\- N. Hill_

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**The Nine Departments**

The functional operations of the mind are divided into nine departments, something on the order of a well-organized business. Some of these departments function automatically, without direction by the individual, while other departments are under the control of the individual at all times.

Here is a breakdown of all the nine departments of the mind:

1. _The faculty of will:_

The will is the "Big Boss" of all the other departments of the mind. Here is the starting point where the individual begins to exercise his great prerogative privilege of exclusive control over his thoughts. The faculty of the will is the "Yes" and the "No" man of the entire mind.

__

2. _The faculty of reason:_

The faculty of reason is the "Presiding Judge" of the mind when directed, or permitted to do so it passes judgement on all ideas, aims, desires, purposes, and circumstances which the individual brings to its attention; but its decisions can be set aside by the "big boss", the will, or offset by the influence of the emotions if the will does not asserts itself.

3. _The faculty of emotions:_

Here is the starting place of a major portion of all actions of the mind. People make decisions which harmonize with their "feelings" and engage in activities which have not been previewed by the faculties of reason and will. Such decisions are more often unsound than sound.

4. _The faculty of imagination:_

With the aid of his imagination, man may penetrate the interstellar spaces of infinitude with the speed of lightning, conquer the air above him and the seas below him, and create a million ideas and concepts. The imagination is a great institution whose potentialities are practically unlimited, but it is a very tricky institution which requires constant supervision by the faculties of the reason and the will.

__

5. _The faculty of conscience:_

Here we have the department of the mind which gives moral guidance to the individual.

6. _The five physical senses:_

The five senses – sight, sound, taste, smell and touch – are the physical "arms" of the brain, through which it contacts the external world and acquires information. The senses are not always reliable, therefore, they require constant supervision by the faculty of reason and the will.

7. _The faculty of memory:_

Here is the "filing cabinet" of the brain wherein is stored all thought impulses, all conscious experiences, and all sensations which reach the brain through the five physical senses.

8. _The "sixth sense":_

This is the broadcasting and the receiving station of the mind through which one automatically sends and receives vibrations which emanate on planes of intelligence outside that of our own earth.

9. _The subconscious section of the mind:_

This is the "switchboard" through which the conscious section of the mind may communicate directly with infinite intelligence. The subconscious acts upon any idea, plan or purpose which reaches it, and it makes no attempt to distinguish the difference between positive and negative, or right or wrong influences.

_\- N. Hill_
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##### Self-Motivators

The mind of man

would lead all the

other miracles of life.

There exists a

Goldmine within you.

The mind is its own place

and in itself can make

a heaven of hell

and a hell of heaven.

Entire water in the ocean

can never sink a ship

unless it gets inside.

All the pressures of life can

never hurt you unless

you let them in.

**The Conscious and the Subconscious Minds**

Your conscious mind is sometimes referred to as your objective or rational mind because it deals with outward objects. The objective mind takes cognizance of the objective world. Its media of observation are for five physical senses. Your objective mind is your guide and director in your contact with your environment. You gain knowledge through your five senses. Your objective mind learns through observation, experience, and education. The greatest function of the objective mind is that of reasoning.

Your subconscious mind is often times referred to as your subjective or irrational mind. Your subjective mind takes cognizance of its environment by means independent of the five senses. Your subjective mind perceives by intuition. It is the seat of your emotion and the storehouse of memory. Your subjective mind performs its highest functions when your objective senses are in abeyance. In a word, it is that intelligence which makes itself manifest when the objective mind is suspended or in a sleepy, drowsy state. Your subjective mind sees without the use of the natural organs of vision. It has the capacity of clairvoyance. Your subjective mind can leave your body, travel to distant lands, and bring back information often times of the most exact and truthful character.

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An excellent way to get acquainted with the two functions of your mind is to look upon your own mind as a garden. You are a gardener, and you are planting seed (thoughts) in your subconscious mind all day long, based on your habitual thinking. As you sow in your subconscious mind, so shall you reap in your body and environment.

Begin now to sow thoughts of peace, happiness, right action, goodwill, and prosperity. Think quietly and with interest on these qualities and accept them fully in your conscious reasoning mind. Continue to plant these wonderful seeds (thoughts) in the garden of your mind, and you will reap a glorious harvest. Your subconscious mind may be likened to the soil, which will grow all kinds of seeds, good or bad. Every thought is, therefore, a cause, and every condition is an effect. For this reason, it is essential that you take charge of your thoughts so as to bring forth only desirable conditions.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_
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##### The Marvelous Power of your Subconscious

William James, father of American psychology, said the greatest discovery of the nineteenth century was not in the realm of physical science. The greatest discovery was the power of the subconscious touched by faith. In every human being is that limitless reservoir of power, which can overcome any problem in the world.

What your subconscious can do for you:

True and lasting happiness will come into your life the day you get the clear realization that you can overcome any weakness – the day you realize that your subconscious can solve your problems, heal your body, and make you prosper beyond your fondest dream.

Your subconscious mind is in touch with infinite life and boundless wisdom, and its impulses and ideas are always lifeward. The great aspirations, inspirations, and visions for a grander and nobler life spring from the subconscious. Your profoundest convictions are those you cannot argue about rationally because they do not come from your conscious mind; they come from your subconscious mind. Your subconscious speaks to you in intuitions, impulses, hunches, intimations, urges, and ideas, and it is always telling you to rise, transcend, grow, advance, adventure, and move forward to greater heights.

Your subconscious mind has its own will, and it is a very real something in itself. It acts night and day whether you act upon it or not. It is the builder of your body, but you cannot see, hear, or feel it building, as all this is a silent process.

You can bring into your life more power, more wealth, more health, more happiness, and more joy by learning to contact and release the hidden power of your subconscious mind.

You need not acquire this power; you already possess it. But, you must want to learn how to use it; you must want to understand it so that you can apply it in all departments of your life.

Within your subconscious depths lie infinite wisdom, infinite power, and infinite supply of all that is necessary, which is waiting for development and expression. Begin now to recognize these potentialities of your deeper mind, and they will take form in the world without.

The power of the subconscious can lift people up out of crippled states, making them whole, vital, and strong once more, and free to go out into the world to experience happiness, health, and joyous expression. There is a miraculous healing power in your subconscious that can heal the troubled mind and the broken heart. It can open the prison door of the mind and liberate you. It can free you from all kinds of material and physical bondage.

Begin to believe in the eternal verities and truths of life, which never change. Then, you will move onward, upward, and Godward. Busy your mind with the concepts of harmony, health, peace, and goodwill, and wonders will happen in your life.

Infinite riches are all around you if you will open your mental eyes and behold the treasure house of infinity within you. There is a gold mine within you from which you can extract everything you need to live life gloriously, joyously, and abundantly.

Many are sound asleep because they do not know about this gold mine of infinite intelligence and boundless love within themselves. Whatever you want, you can draw forth. A magnetized piece of steel will lift about twelve times its own weight, and if you demagnetize this same piece of steel, it will not even lift a feather. Similarly, there are two types of men. There is the magnetized man who is full of confidence and faith. He knows that he is born to win and to succeed. Then, there is the type of man who is demagnetized. He is full of fears and doubts. Opportunities come, and he says, "I might fail; I might lose my money; people will laugh at me." This type of man will not get very far in life because, he is afraid to go forward, he will simply stay where he is. Become a magnetized man and discover the master secret of the ages.

To cheat, rob, or defraud another brings lack, loss, and limitation to yourself. Your subconscious mind records your inner motivations, thoughts, and feelings. These being of a negative nature, loss, limitation, and trouble come to you in countless ways. Actually, what you do to the other, you are doing to yourself.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_
**  
**

##### Go Within

****

- As I have studied the different religions of the world and the teachings of their great founders- the prophets and _avatars_ of humanity-it has seemed to me that there is _a_ beautiful similarity in their teachings. And I have exclaimed: "What a beautiful harmony! What a wonderful synthesis!" I sometimes wonder why there are people who say that some religions are true and some others are not true!

To study different religions in the right spirit, the spirit of sympathy and understanding, is to know that each one of them emphasises the same fundamental truths. I would like to refer to one or two important ones:

"Go within!" Said .the R _ishis_ of ancient India to the pupils, in the long ago-and Jesus said:- "the kingdom of God is within you!" And the great Buddhist teacher said to his disciples:-"O, B _hikkhns!_ Ordinary people look outwards, while followers of the way look into their own minds." And so, you will find the truth of the "within" proclaimed and re-proclaimed by the leaders and interpreters of the different religions of the world. The beyond is within you! God, the beyond, is within you! The transcendent being is within you! The kingdom of God is within you!

To touch the kingdom within, two things are needed. The first is meditation. The second is _seva,_ service, love. In the B _hagavad Gita,_ the great Indian scripture which enshrines the teaching of the lord Sri Krishna, we have the words:- "selfless service opens the way to the highest!" And Jesus said:- "this that you do unto the least of the little ones, you verily do unto me!"

_-_ _Osho_

- **Look Within - A Story**

There is a story of the man searching for his lost key outside his home, under the streetlight. When a stranger inquired if she could help him look for the lost key, he was most grateful. After thirty minutes of fruitless searching, the stranger asked, "Where did you drop your key?" "oh," he replied, "I dropped it inside the house." "but why are you looking outside under the street lamp if you dropped it inside the house?" She asked. "I have no light inside the house, so I came out here to look where there is light."

This is precisely what we do every time we look outside of ourselves for the solutions to problems. We live inside, we think inside, our humanity resides within, yet we spend time ceaselessly looking outside of ourselves for the answers because we fail to illuminate the inside with our thoughts. We resist the principle that thought is everything we are, because it seems easier to look outside.

_-_ _Dr. Wayne Dyer_

__

- What lies behind us and what lies before us,

Are tiny matters,

Compared to what lies within us.

_\- Oliver Wendell Holmes_

- **A Story About The Stuff Inside**

It was about a small black boy at a county fair. A man was blowing up helium-filled balloons and letting them rise up into the sky to the delight of a crowd of children. The balloons were in all colors. 'Do you suppose that black one will go as high as those others?' asked a little boy hesitatingly.

The man had a good deal of kindly understanding 'Watch,' he said, 'and I'll show you.' Then he blew up the black balloon and let it go and it soared just as high as the others. 'You see,' said the man, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, 'it isn't the color that determined how high they go; it's the stuff inside that sends them up.'

_-_ _N. V. Peale_

__

__

**How Restless is the Mind**

How hard it is to control the mind! Well it has been compared to the maddened monkey.

There was a monkey, restless by its nature, as all monkeys are. As if that was not enough someone made him drink freely of wine, so that he became more restless. Then a scorpion stung him. When a scorpion stings a man, he jumps about for a whole day; so the poor monkey found his condition worse than ever. To complete his misery a demon entered into him. What language can describe the uncontrollable restlessness of that monkey?

The human mid is like that monkey, incessantly active by its own nature; then it becomes drunk with the wine of desires, thus increasing its turbulence. After desire takes possession comes the sting of the scorpion of jealousy at the success of the others, and last of all the demon of pride enters the mind, making it think itself of all importance. How hard it is to control such a mind!

_\- Swami Vivekanand_
**  
**

##### Innergize - The Silva Method

- **Use the Whole Brain**

A great deal of research has been conducted for decades on what has come to be called brain dominance theory. The findings basically indicate that each hemisphere of the brain-left and right-tends to specialize in and preside over different functions, process different kinds of information, and deal with different kinds of problems.

Essentially, the left hemisphere is the more logical/verbal one and the right hemisphere the more intuitive, creative, one.

The left deals with words, the right with pictures; the left with parts and specifics, the right with wholes and the relationship between the parts.

The left deals with analysis, which means to break apart; the, right with synthesis, which means to put together.

The left deals with sequential thinking; the right with simultaneous and holistic thinking.

The left is time bound; the right is time free.

Although people use both sides of the brain, one side or the other generally tends to be dominant in each individual. Of course, the ideal would be to cultivate and develop the ability to have good crossover between both sides of the brain so that a person could first sense what the situation called for and then use the appropriate tool to deal with it.

_\- Jose Silva_
**  
**

#### The Three Finger Technique

****

Some problems might require more left brain, others more right brain. You can program to be at the right state of mind by merely putting together the tips of the first three fingers of either hand and say mentally, "Whenever I encounter this type of problem in the future, all I need to do is to bring together the tips of the first three fingers of either hand. By doing so, I will turn on my faculties. I will be extra – sensitive in perceiving information that I can use immediately to solve the problem." You then go to sleep from this level.

When you have closed your eyes, turned them slightly upward and counted backward from 5 to 1, put three fingers together of either hand, and repeat mentally, "Every time I put these three fingers together of either hand, my mind functions at a deeper level of awareness to accomplish whatever I desire.

Repeat this procedure for a week.

Preprogramming is recommended to be done at night. But if there is no intervening night, if the critical event is just hours or minutes away, program anyhow.

You can use an additional triggering technique.

Instead of preprogramming subjective communication prior to a meeting to help you solve the problem, preprogram that all you need to do is take a deep breath, hold it for a moment or two, and then let it out slowly. When you do this and your three fingers together, you will turn on your subjective and objective sensing mechanisms to help you make the right decision, offer the proper suggestions, and say the right thing at the right time, so that everybody benefits by your input.

_\- Jose Silva_

####

####

####

#### SECRET # 10

**BELIEVE IN GOD -**

**THE POWER OF FAITH & PRAYER**

_Does God Exist?_

_Hope, Trust & Faith_

_The Truth About Suffering_

_Spiritual Thoughts_

_25 Pointers for God-Consciousness_

_The Power of Prayer_

_Old Age And Beyond_

##### Self-Motivators

If God be for us,

who can be against us?

You can't be close to God

and feel insecure.

Through prayer the impossible

becomes "Himpossible".

God's delays are not God's denials.

Prayer should be our first resource

rather than our last resort.

Not my will, God, but Thine be done.

Coincidences are God's ways

of remaining anonymous.

When the ego goes,

the vision of God grows.
**  
Does God Exist?**

 ****

**Blind**

"Show me your God!" The doubter cries.

I point him to the smiling skies;

I show him all the woodland greens;

I show him peaceful sylvan scenes;

I show him winter snows and frost;

I show him waters tempest-tossed;

I show him hills rock-ribbed and strong;

I bid him hear the thrush's song;

I show him flowers in the close –

The lily, violet, and rose;

I show him rivers, babbling streams;

I show him youthful hopes and dreams;

I show him maids with eager hearts;

I show him toilers in the marts;

I show him stars, the moon, the sun;

I show him deeds of kindness done;

I show him joy; I show him care;

And still he holds his doubting air,

And faithless goes his way, for he

Is blind of soul, and cannot see!

_\- John Kendrick Bangs_
**  
**

**Let Go and Let God**

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,

Because he was my friend.

But then, instead of leaving him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"how can you be so slow?"

"My child," he said, "what could I do?

You never did let go."

\- _Albert E. Cliffe_

**God, Are You There ?**

I'm way down _here_!

You're way up _there_!

Are you sure you can hear

My faint, faltering prayer?

For I'm so unsure

Of just how to pray –

To tell you the truth, God,

I don't know what to say...

I just know I am lonely

And vaguely disturbed,

Bewildered and restless,

Confused and perturbed...

And they tell me that prayer

Helps to quiet the mind

And to unburden the heart

For in stillness we find

A newborn assurance

That _someone does care_

And _someone does answer_

Each small sincere prayer!

_\- Helen Steiner Rice_

__
**  
**

**Self-Motivators**

Faith in yourself and faith in God are the

key to mastery of fear.

To accomplish great things, we must not only act,

but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.

The person who has faith in God,

even though his problem remains unchanged,

shall indeed gain victory over it.

Faith is indeed the greatest miracle-working

power imaginable. Faith never fails a

person-we fail when we give up on our faith.

Faith is the basis of all "miracles," and all

mysteries, which cannot be analyzed

by the rules of science!
**  
**

**Hope, Trust & Faith**

- There are many aspects to success; material wealth is only one component. Moreover, success is a journey, not a destination. Material abundance, in all its expressions, happens to be one of those things that makes the journey more enjoyable. But success also includes good health, energy and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom, emotional and psychological stability, a sense of well-being, and peace of mind.

Even with the experience of all these things, we will remain unfulfilled unless we nurture the seeds of divinity inside us. It is the perception of divinity wherever we go, in whatever we perceive – in the eyes of a child, in the beauty of a flower, in the flight of a bird. When we begin to experience our life as the miraculous expression of divinity – not occasionally, but all the time – then we will know the true joy and the true meaning of success.

__

Men of caliber know the real source of strength and peace. Having big minds, they are able to comprehend the importance of spiritual values in life. The bigger they are, the humbler they are.

_\- Deepak Chopra_

- A successful person loves his work and expresses himself fully. Success is contingent upon a higher ideal than the mere accumulation of riches. The man of success is the man who possesses great psychological and spiritual understanding.

_\- N. V. Peale_

- "He that is greatest among you, let him become your servant." Your desire must not be selfish; it must benefit humanity. "Success at any price is hellish folly! For what will it profit you," Jesus Christ asked, "if you gain the whole world, and lose your own soul? "To keep your values on target, remember so to live that when you "arrive," you have pride behind you, love around you, and hope ahead of you. Then success is truly the path to heaven.

_\- Robert Schuller_

When you trust in the Lord to lead, guide, govern, and direct all your ways, you will become poised, serene, and relaxed. As you radiate love, peace and goodwill to all, you are really building a superstructure of happiness for all the days of your life.

_\- Book of Proverbs_

- **Taking God as a partner**

The spiritual and practical technique which I describe as "Taking God as a partner" – a phraseology which simply meant putting your life in God's hands and letting Him run it. This simple practice activates new power, stimulates thinking and improves performance for those who apply.

- I go around talking to the Lord just like I talk to the president of this company. I do not call that praying or what the average prayer sounds like. But I have come to actually feel that the Lord is with me in my office, or when I am travelling or walking, or in a conference. In fact, I know he is near me and I have frequent conversations with him just as naturally as with any friend. I have learnt that the Lord is a constant companion.

_\- N. V. Peale_

- Hope and faith help you to walk with all men, both the saints and the sinners, and still remain the master of your own fate, the captain of your own soul! They keep your ego alert and active, yet humble and grateful.

- Faith is the element, the "chemical" which, when mixed with prayer, gives one direct communication with infinite intelligence.

- Faith is the element, which transforms the ordinary vibration of thought, created by the finite mind of man, into spiritual equivalent.

- Faith is the only agency through which the cosmic force of infinite intelligence can be harnessed and used by man.

- Surrendering simply means trusting in the forces and principles that are always at work in this perfect universe, just as you surrender every day to the principles that make you a working, loving unit, without questioning, fighting, demanding, or even asking to fully understand them all.

_\- Dr. Wayne Dyer_
**  
**

**Faith**

I will not doubt, though all my ships at sea

Come drifting home with broken masts and sails:

I shall believe the hand which never fails,

From seeming evil worketh good to me;

And, though I weep because those sails are battered,

Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered

"I trust in thee."

I will not doubt, though all my prayers return

Unanswered from the still, white realm above:

I shall believe it is an all-wise love

Which has refused those things for which I yearn.

And though, at times, I cannot keep from grieving.

Yet the pure ardor of my fixed believing

Undimmed shall burn.

I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain.

And troubles swarm like bees about ahive:

I shall believe the heights for which I strive.

Are only reached by anguish and by pain:

And, though I groan and tremble with my crosses

I yet shall see, through my severest losses

The greater gain.

I will not doubt; well anchored in the faith

Like some stanch ship, my soul braves every gale.

So strong its courage that it will not fail

To breast the mighty, unknown sea of death.

Oh, may I cry when body parts with spirit.

"I do not doubt," so listening worlds may hear it

With my last breath.

_\- Ella Wheeler Wilcox_

**The Truth About Suffering**

- The person who has never felt the hand of sorrow has never really lived, for sorrow is the master – key to the gateway of one's soul – the port of entrance to Infinite Intelligence.

_\- N. Hill_

- Nothing can be gained in the absence of suffering. Is there a mother who delivers a child without pains? She gets a precious gift only when she bears suffering. Saints and prophets have come after suffering. Why should we avoid suffering? "Suffering is the primeval _stuff;_ it is the guide on the spiritual path and is like the visa for the journey to the Lord. Suffering is synonymous with love; it is another name for love.

Suffering is peerless and beyond praise. Take the example of the rose. The Lord has granted it a high status among flowers, but only after its acceptance of the company of thorns. Rose garlands are offered to saints. Likewise, if a seeker accepts suffering, the Lord grants him a high status."

It is true that where there is love there is suffering also. Love is mixed in suffering as cream in milk. Love and God are one. Therefore suffering is where God is.

Shah Abdul Latif has said:

"It is never heard, God is realized without suffering."

_\- Dr. Rochaldas_

- The world is full of suffering. Birth is suffering, old age is suffering, sickness and death are sufferings. To meet a man whom one hates is suffering, to be separated from a _beloved_ one is suffering, to be vainly struggling to satisfy one's needs is suffering. In fact, life that is not free from desire and passion is always involved with distress. This is called the truth of suffering.

_\- Book on Budhism_

- Actually, problems are a sign of life! In fact the more problems, the more you are a part of life. The only place I've ever been where people have no problems is a cemetery and there they are all dead. Be glad that God trusts you with some problems. Thank him for the compliment. He believes you have what it takes to handle them.

_-_ _N. V. Peale_

##### Self-Motivators

Every adversity has within it the seeds

of an equivalent or a greater benefit.

Faith-testing times can actually be

faith-strengthening times.

No matter how dense the fog,

the sun is always shining.

Play it down, pray it up.

Where the telescope ends,

the microscope begins.

Which of the two has the grander view?

He who conquers others is strong;

He who conquers himself is mighty.

Sorrow is medicine for the soul.
**  
**

**Spiritual Thoughts**

- Life is interdependence. Nobody is independent, not for a single moment can you exist alone.

What do you say? Are waves independent from the ocean, or are they dependent on the ocean? Neither is true, they are the ocean, neither independent nor dependent. The ocean cannot exist without the waves. The waves cannot exist without the ocean. They are utterly one, it is a unity. And so is our whole life. We are waves of a cosmic ocean of consciousness.

- Life is significant, and there is no purpose in it! It is a purposeless significance, like a song, or a dance, like a flower; for no purpose at all it is flowering, for nobody special it is flowering even if nobody passes by, the flower will flower, the fragrance will be spread into the winds. Even if nobody ever comes to smell it. It is irrelevant. The very flowering is the significance, not any purpose.

__

Loneliness is a negative state: aloneness is immensely beautiful. Aloneness means a moment when the other is no longer needed, you are enough into yourself – so enough that you can share your aloneness with the whole existence. So inexhaustible is your aloneness that you can pour it into the whole existence and it will still remain there. You are rich when you are alone, you are poor when you feel lonely.

The lonely person is a beggar; his heart is a begging bowl, the alone person is an emperor.

- Just as the pure and fragrant lotus flower grows out of the mud of a swamp, so from the muck of worldly passions springs the pure enlightenment.

If a diver is to secure pearls he must descend to the bottom of the sea, braving all dangers of jagged coral and vicious sharks. So man must face the perils of worldly passion if he is to secure the precious pearl of enlightenment. He must first be lost among the mountainous crags of egoism and selfishness, before there will awaken in him the desire to find a path that will lead him to enlightenment.

- Whenever you are needed in the market, you should be in the market with your totality. The market cannot destroy your soul. Neither does going inwards, being in a meditative silence, take away anything from the outside world. You don't have to condemn it, and you don't have to declare it illusory.

The outer cannot exist without the inner. Neither can the inner exist without the outer. They are both two sides of the same coin.

_\- Osho _

- I sought my soul

But my soul I could not see

I sought my God

But my God eluded me

I sought my brother

And I found all three

_\- Anon_

- Religious tolerance is rooted in the kind of doubt reflected in the last verse of the hymn of creation in the R _ig Veda:_ "None knoweth whence creation has arisen, and whether he has or has not produced it he who surveys it in the highest heavens, he only knows, or perhaps he knows not."

It is this hesitancy (reflected in the above verse) to claim superiority and exclusiveness of thoughts, beliefs, and practices, that has minimized dogmatism in the Hindu religion. For this very reason, the belief in religious tolerance, universal brotherhood, and the love of mankind has been the living ideal of Hindus throughout the ages.

- The great statement by which Upanishads are known to the world is _Tat Tvam Asi_ **** – that art thou.

The potential divinity of the human soul is asserted thereby. We are called upon to understood that the soul is not to be confused with the body which can be broken, or the mind which can be molded, but it is something which is superior to the relics of the body or the fluctuation of the mind – something which each individual has, which is unsizable so to say, which cannot be merely objectified.

- We should treat all religions as friendly partners in the supreme task of nourishing the spiritual life of mankind. When they begin to fertilize one another, they will supply the soul which this world is seeking.

Though cows are of many colors, their milk is of one color; the truth is one like the milk while the forms used are many like the cows.

_\- Dr. R. Radhakrishanan_

****

- The Wheel of Dharma is the translation of the Sanskrit word, "Dharmachakra." Similar to the wheel of a cart that keeps revolving, it symbolizes the Buddha's teaching as it continues to be spread widely and endlessly. The eight spokes of the wheel represent the noble eightfold path of Buddhism, the most important Way of Practice. The noble eightfold path refers to right view, right thought, right speech, right behavior, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right meditation.

_\- Book on Budhism_

__

- God has planted love in every mind. It exists like a spark in everybody. A jiva has to develop it into a blaze.

One has to forget everything and only remember God. Only remembrance is the worship. The mind must be directed to the Lord. All else is perishable and transitory. Only that which helps in attainment of the goal is useful. The cycle of the universe keeps moving. One has to seek liberation by one's endeavor. Let the body be with the world, but the mind must be directed to the Lord. Dada Sai said, "Neither office nor family are the obstacles on the spiritual path. Forgetfulness is the only obstacle."

_\- Dr. Rochaldas_

##### What am I?

What am I?

A tiny candle:

The flame is thine!

What am I?

A singing bird:

The song is thine!

What am I?

A little flute:

The music is thine!

What am I?

A little flower:

The fragrance is thine!

What am I?

An earthen lamp:

The light is thine!

_\- Dada Jashan Vaswani_
**  
**

**25 Pointers to God-Consciousness**

1. Conscience is the call of the authentic self to the fallen self.

2. The eyes of the Lord are righteous, and his ears are open to their cry.

3. I can't lose if I stay with God's game plan.

4. People with a heart for God have a heart for people.

5. The one who lives for this life only will have eternity to regret it.

6. The power of God within you is greater than the pressure of troubles around you.

7. In our changing world, we can always depend on our un-changing God.

8. The one who serves God for money is spiritually bankrupt.

9. God's strength always accompanies God's call.

10. Be as patient with your children as God is with you.

11. The evidence for God is clear to the one who is looking for him.

12. The best plans begin and end with God.

13. Think big, pray big, believe big, act big, love big, be big – big all the way.

14. Be a believer – a believer in God. Be a believer in people, in the future. Be a believer in God. Be a believer in people, in the future. Be a believer in yourself.

15. Work becomes worship when done for the Lord.

16. When you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand charity.

17. If I walk with God, I won't have to run with the world.

18. To follow the will of God is to prosper; to rebel against the will of God is to be destroyed.

19. To feel confident and secure we must have a secure spiritual life; that is, we must get close to God.

20. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.

21. The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us.

22. A sacred word – Om, Waheguru, Allah or God – is one word only, yet if repeated for the entire life it is deeply fixed in the mind and thoroughly assimilated within.

23. God has planted love in every mind. It exists like a spark in everybody. A jiva has a develop it into a blaze.

24. You cannot learn Religion – you have to live it.

25. Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night.
**  
**

**The Power of Prayer**

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love

Where there is injury pardon.  
Where there is discord unity.  
Where there is doubt faith.  
Where there is error truth.  
Where there is despair hope  
Where there is sadness joy.  
Where there is darkness light.

Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To he loved as to love.

For

It is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

_\- St. Francis of Assisi_

****

****

**The Serenity Prayer**

God grant me the

Serenity to accept

The things I cannot

Change,

Courage to change the

Things I can,

And the wisdom to know

_The difference_

_\- Reinhold Niebuhr_

**Self-Motivators**

Either we believe in love,

virtue and hope,

or

We believe in hate,

evil and hopelessness.

If you've got the faith,

God's got the power.

Love cures the sender

and the receiver.

Hope is holding on,

praying expectantly-

it's never giving up,

it's never quitting.

Be a believer – a believer in God.

Be a believer in people, in the future.

Be a believer in yourself.

Love will always dissolve pain.

Trust is the universal lubricant.
**  
**

#### If I Had Only Known

If I had only known it was our last walk in the rain.

I'd keep you out for hours in the storm

I would hold your hand, like a lifeline to my heart

And underneath the thunder -we'd be warm

If I had only known it was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known I'd never hear your voice again

I'd memorize each thing you ever said

And on these lonely nights, I could think of them once more

And keep your words alive inside my head

If I had only known I'd never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my heart

You were the only one who always stood beside me

So unaware; I foolishly believed that you would always be there

But then there came a day when I closed my eyes and you slipped away

If I had only known it was my last night by your side

I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn

And when you smiled at me, I would look into your eyes

And make sure you know my love for you goes on and on;

If I had only known, if I had only known

The love I would've shown

If I had only known

_\- Reba McEntire_
**  
**

#### Old Age & Beyond

- Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall _wear_ the mask of the king?

Yet is he not more, more mindful at his trembling. For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

_\- Khalil Gibran_

- When you are surrounded by fear, remember that in life there is only one thing certain, and that is death. Hence, those who understand drop the fear, because what else could be more insecure than life? To be alive means that at any moment death is possible.

Confucius said, "Death will make everything secure, while alive enjoy insecurity."

Insecurity is synonymous with being alive. The more you are alive, the more insecure. The less you are alive, the less insecure. Do you want the safest security of death? There, it is absolute.

_\- Anon_

- You grow old when you _cease to_ dream, and when you lose interest in life. You grow old if you are irritable, crotchety, petulant, and cantankerous. Fill your mind with the truths of God and radiate the sunshine of his love-this is youth.

_\- Jonathan Swift_

- If you are 65 or 95 years of age, realize you have much to give. You can help stabilize advise, and direct the younger generation. You can give the benefit of your knowledge, your experience, and your wisdom. You can always look ahead for at all times you are gazing into infinite life. You will find that you can never cease to unveil the glories and wonders of life. Try to learn something new every moment of the day, and you will find your mind will always be young.

Man's body slows down gradually as he advances through the years, but his conscious mind can be made much more active, alert, alive, and quickened by the inspiration from his subconscious mind. His mind, in reality, never grows old.

_\- Dr. Joseph Murphy_

- The change in life called death is not without beauty. The spiritual forces around us are always concerned for us. Death is a passing of the soul from one state into another.

God has built into us the will to live and the love of life. It is our nature to resist the death of the body to the very last. But can we not believe that God has also arranged our lives so that when they are finished in this world, they shall pass into a better place. Those who live with God in this life need have no fear of the next one.

_\- N. V. Peale_

- Death: The light within merges with the eternal light.

_\- Dr. Hari Rochaldas_
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**PRACTICAL EXERCISES FOR**

**SELF-DEVELOPMENT**
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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 1**

Object of the Rotary Club:

The object of Rotary is to encourage and foster the ideal of service as a basis of worthy enterprise and, in particular, to encourage and foster:

The development of acquaintance as an opportunity for service;

High ethical standards in business and professions; the recognition of the worthiness of all useful occupations; and the dignifying by each Rotarian of his occupation as an opportunity to serve society;

The application of the ideal of service by every Rotarian to his personal, business and community life.

The advancement of international understanding, good will, and peace through a world followship of business and professional men united in the ideal of service.

The Four – Way Test

Of the things we think, say or do;

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3. Will it build GOOD WILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

- Ask yourself these questions during the day.

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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 2**

- Take a piece of paper and see how many good thoughts you can write down about people you know and about situations,

- If you feel that you are defeated and have lost confidence in your ability to win, sit down, take a piece of paper and make a list, not of the factors that are against you, but of those that are for you.

___\- N. V. Peale_
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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 3**

Your Personality Strengths:

Think about how you see yourself, your personality, your character and your outlook. Circle words that relate to who you are. Be as objective and realistic as possible.

Accepting | Imaginative | Active

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Achieving | Truthful | Insightful

Affectionate | Zealous | Adventurous

Ambitious | Likable | Unpretentious

Articulate | Attractive | Persuasive

Entertaining | Caring | Poised

Enthusiastic | Charismatic | Precise

Expressive | Charming | Productive

Fair-Minded | Cheerful | Professional

Friendly | Committed | Quick

Gentle | Compassionate | Rational

Genuine | Confident | Realistic

Good-natured | Energetic | Receptive

Graceful | Congenial | Selfaware

Happy | Conscientious | Sympathetic

Helpful | Trusting | Responsive

Humorous | Considerate | Tolerant

Intuitive | Patient | Intelligent

Knowledgeable | Assertive | Efficient

Outgoing | Zestful | Enterprising

Sensitive | Open-Minded | Cooperative

Serious | Optimistic | Creative

Sincere | Objective | Dedicated

Skillful | Organized | Dependable

Sociable | Orderly | Determined

Spontaneous | Original | Disciplined

Steady | Reassuring | Distinctive

Stimulating | Perceptive | Dynamic

Strong | Persistent | Empathetic

Talented | Self-Confident | Encouraging

Thoughtful | Independent | Unique

Vigorous | Logical | Warm

Present the same personality strengths adjectives list to one or your close friends or spouse. Ask them to circle those adjectives that they believe you possess. Compare both the lists.

_\- Dr. Bharathchandra_

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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 4**

Try The "As If" Principle

You can deliberately make yourself enthusiastic. To change yourself into whatever type of person you wish to be, first decide specifically what particular characteristic you desire to possess and then hold that image of yourself firmly in your consciousness. Then proceed to develop it by acting as if you actually possessed the desire characteristic, and repeatedly affirm that you are in the process of self – creating the qualities you wish to develop. In this way you are making effective use of the "As If" principle.

Often called the father of American psychology, William James (who taught this principle) said, "If you want a quality, act as if you already had it."

Shakespeare tells us in Act III of Hamlet, "Assume a virtue, if you have it not."

"First Fake It, then make it."

_\- Dr. Bharathchandra_

**Practical Exercise for Secret # 5**

- People have a very limited idea that being creative is playing the guitar or the flute or writing poetry so people go on writing rubbish in the name of poetry. You have to find out what you can do and what you cannot do. Everybody cannot do everything! You have to search and find your destiny- you have to grope in the dark. It is not very clear-cut what your destiny is – but that's how life is. And it is good that one has to search for it in the very search, something grows.

Man is unpredictable. Man is always an opening, a potentiality for a thousand and one things.

Write five unique things about yourself and how they can be used in the service of humanity.

_\- N. V. Peale_

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- **On TA / Positive Strokes:**

- Analyze a conflict situation you were involved in. Draw the PAC diagram & check how you could have used your "Adult" more effectively by modifying your reaction.

- Give 10 positive strokes to different people during the day and notice the effect the same has on you.

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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 6**

- **On Parkinson's Law:**

Take a deadline that you are used to allotting yourself and cut it by half. Look at the results.

- **On Pareto's Principle:**

Look for areas in your life, at home or at work where you can use the 80 / 20 principle.

- **On Goal Setting:**

Set down on paper the following goals in your life:

1. 5 Year Goals

2. 2 Year Goals

3. Immediate Goals

- **Do It Now:**

Think of an item you've been planning to do but never got around doing it. "Do it now" and strike it off your list.

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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 7**

**Evaluate your stress reaction:**

- Rate the amount of distress you are feeling on a scale of one to 10, with one being mild annoyance or frustration and 10 being extreme panic, intense fear or anger.

Now check your balance. If you've got a five distress reaction to a five stressor, that's fine. But if it's a seven reaction to a one stressor, your panic is unwarranted. You are blowing things out of proportion. It's no good to stay worked up over something this insignificant.

- **On Relaxation:**

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#### A Two Minute Stress Reliever

The following procedure which has been published in many books can be followed in your office, your parked car, at home or wherever you will not be interrupted. Do not rush it. Take it seriously. Do it as though your life depended on it. (it might.)

Sit in a chair comfortably. If your belt, tie, or shoes are too tight, loosen them. Make a fist. Tighten it. Let it go. Remember the feeling of letting go. Clench your teeth. Prepare to remember the feeling of letting go. Let go. Do the same with an ankle. Let go. Now close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale, and turn your eyes slightly upward. Re – create that feeling of letting go in your scalp and forehead. Smooth your brow. Feel that letting go in your eyelids, your face, and your jaw. Be aware of your neck and shoulders. Let go there. Let go with your chest and abdomen. Turn your attention to your upper back and let go. Now you're lower back. Let go. Now your hips, thighs, knees, legs, ankles, feet, and toes. Let go, in each place. Take a full minute to this. Then count backwards from 25 to 1, slowly. Visualize a peaceful place that you can remember – your bed, your favorite chair, your back yard, a meadow, a hill, or beach – any peaceful place you can recall. Pretend that you are there for few moments. Now repeat mentally to yourself. "Every time I relax this way, I go deeper, faster. Time is my friend. It works for me. When I open my eyes at the count of five, I will be wide-awake, feeling fine, confident and in control. One, two, three. When I reach the count of five and open my eyes I will be wide-awake, feeling fine, confident and in control. Four, five." Open your eyes. "I am wide awake, feeling fine, confident and in control."

This exercise does not consume two minutes. It _adds_ to time. _\- N. V. Peale_

- **On silence:**

"Never neglect to keep your daily appointment with God", says Dada Vaswani to everyone who comes to him "Begin with just 5 minutes of silence" he urges, and "you will find a great difference in your life."

_\- Dada Jashan Vaswani_

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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 8**

**Practice Giving With No String Attached:**

Give in any form you like – cash, kind or just giving blessing or praying.

There are three kinds of service;

First: material service, e.g. Helping others with money, food, clothes, medicines etc.

Second: physical services or service with the body e.g. cleaning places, carrying water, serving food etc.

Third: service with the mind, e.g. Giving good wishes, sending good vibrations, prayer to God about the welfare of others, etc. In the context of subtlety, service with the mind is the highest service: nothing can be compared with that. It is a concealed service and cannot be noticed by others. Service with the mind brings in immense bliss that is superior to material pleasures. A jiva who sends good wishes or vibrations to others, also helps himself. The good wishes or vibrations that are sent out influence others and affect the sender in return. He who is without good wishes is farther from God. If you wish your wellbeing, you must wish others well."

_\- Dr. Rochaldas_
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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 9**

If you are handwriting something, holding pen or pencil in one hand, just keep holding the tips of the first three fingers of the other hand together. In this way, because you have programmed yourself to function – and this pre-programming is essential – both brain hemispheres are contributing to your report. It makes a difference. You could try the same when talking on the phone or at a meeting or for that matter any other situation. ****

_\- Norman Joseph Murphy_

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**Practical Exercise for Secret # 10**

**Try the following three point program:**

First, several times each day stand tall, reaching for the sky with the crown of your head. Lift your head up as far as it will go, and try to reach for infinity. When a person maintains this erect stature, whatever his height, he has a commanding power over life and circumstances. So stand tall.

Second, think tall: Think big thoughts, victorious thoughts. Think winning thoughts. Stand tall mentally. Now that you are standing tall physically, also stand tall mentally. Positively practice positive affirmation. And the first such affirmation I gave him was "It can be done and I can do it!" I said, "Please say that."

Third, stand tall spiritually: Think of the greatness of the God. Think of yourself as an undefeatable child of God. Ten times everyday repeat aloud one of the greatest affirmative statements of faith: 'I can do all things through God who strengthens me.' And make a start by doing that now.

_\- N. V. Peale_

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#### Try the Thank you Technique

By repeating, "Thank you, Father," over and over again, your mind and heart are lifted up to the point of acceptance, and when fear, thoughts of lack, poverty, and distress come into your mind, you could say, "Thank you, Father," as often as necessary.

_\- Jose Silva_
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**Self-Evaluation**

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**How to be sure I'm on the right path?**

The indications that you are on the right path are very simple: your tensions will start disappearing, you will become more and more cool, you will become more and more calm, you will find beauty in things which you have never, ever conceived could be beautiful.

The smallest things will start having tremendous significance. The whole world will become more and more mysterious every day; you will become less and less knowledgeable, more and more innocent – just like a child running after butterflies or collecting seashells on the beach.

You will feel life not as a problem but as a gift, as a blessing, as a benediction.

These indications will go on growing if you are on the right track. If you are on the wrong track, just the opposite will happen.

\- _Osho_

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Answer to quiz on page no. 80

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