♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> HEY!
THANK YOU, GUYS.
THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YOU?
ARE YOU GUYS GOOD?
>> I AM GOOD.
I FEEL A LITTLE WEIRD.
I JUST FOUND OUT I AM LIKE A
WEAK LITTLE NERD.
YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT THIS?
I DIDN'T KNOW.
THIS IS HOW I FOUND OUT.
I WAS LIKE WALK DOWNING A
STREET, KIND OF DARK AND AN
OLDER LADY IN WORKOUT GEAR WAS
SPEED WALKING TOWARDS ME.
AND WHEN SHE GOT CLOSE SHE WAS
LIKE, HEY, HON, I HAVE GOT TO
PASS YOU, DON'T WANT TO SCARE
YOU.
THESE HOW MUCH OF A WEAK LITTLE
NERD I LOOK LIKE TOO PEOPLE.
EVEN IN 2019 PEOPLE ARE LIKE,
YEAH, MEN ARE MONSTERS BUT THAT
IS A BABY DEER.
, YOU KNOW, SURE IT IS NIGHTTIME
AND HE  HE HE IS A STRANGER BUT 
DON'T WANT TO IS THAT RIGHT THE
LITTLE GUY, COME ON.
>> I WILL TELL YOU GUYS,
SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT ME.
I GREW UP IN A MUSLIM FAMILY, MY
FAMILY IS FROM MOROCCO AND THEY
STILL LIVE THERE IN AFRICA, MY
FAMILY, SO SURPRISE, WHAT'S UP?
THAT'S RIGHT, THANKS FOR THE
WHITE PRIVILEGE, IDIOTS!
>> I GOT YA!
>> I AM SECRETLY BROWN THIS
WHOLE TIME, EH, YOU GUYS HAVE
BEEN PRANKED, YOU GUYS ARE ALL
MY NEW PRANK SHOW, MUS, WHAT'S
UP?
>> WE WILL GIVE A QUICK SHOUTOUT
TO THE COPS, THANKS FOR THE NO
TICKETS EVER, THAT'S BEEN GREAT.
TAKE ONE LOOK AT MY ID AND IT IS
LIKE, MEKKI LEEPER.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A
DISORDER BUT YOU LOOK LIKE MY
KID, GET OUT OF HERE, MAN, YOU,
20 BUCKS YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH
MY GUN, I LOVE YOU.
INTERESTING.
BUT NO, IT WAS WEIRD GROWING UP
IN A HOUSE WITH TWO RELIGIONS,
RIGHT?
BECAUSE MY MOM WAS MUSLIM AND MY
DAD WAS CHRISTIAN AND IT IS KIND
OF LIKE, INSTEAD OF FORCING ONE
ON ME, WHICH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO
WITH MY CHILD, NO, IT IS FINE WE
WILL LET HIM PICK, YOU KNOW,
COME ON, MAX THERE IS NO
PRESSURE.
AFTER ALL YOU ARE EIGHT.
IT IS ABOUT TIME YOU MADE A
DECISION, YOU KNOW, DON'T WORRY,
ONE OF US HAS TO BE I DON'T
THINK SO THERE IS THAT.
YOU COME BACK HOME AFTER LITTLE
LEAGUE AND DENOUNCE ONE OF YOUR
PARENTS' 'BELIEF, THAT WILL BE
CHARACTER BUILDING FOR YOU.
MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY GETTING
DIVORCED NOW, WHICH IS, YEAH, IT
IS INTERESTING WHEN YOUR PARENTS
GET DIVORCED WHEN YOU ARE
ALREADY AN ADULT, FIRST OF ALL,
BECAUSE NOBODY CARES.
SECOND OF ALL BECAUSE THE ONLY
THING ANYONE SAYS IS WELL AT
LEAST IT DIDN'T HAPPEN WHEN YOU
WERE A KID, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
WITH MY PARENTS AND THAT WAS
ACTUALLY HARD.
IT IS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, WELL, I
AM SORRY COULDN'T RUIN MY
MARRIAGE AS FAST AS YOU.
>> IT WAS LIKE, WHAT DROVE THEM
APART?
WAS IT YOU SAYING ANNOYING STUFF
LIKE THAT?
I AM CURIOUS, THIS IS WHAT
HAPPENED WITH MY FAMILY, IT IS
TRUE, VERY SAD, MY DAD CHEATED
ON MY MOM A BUNCH FOR DECADES
AND WHEN WHICH FOUND OUT IT WAS
REALLY SAD BUT THEN I THOUGHT
ABOUT IT MORE AND IT IS LIKE I
SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING
BECAUSE I HAD LIKE A COOL DAD,
WHICH IS -- THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU
WANT.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
MY DAD WAS LIKE TAKING CARE OF
HIMSELF, HE WORKED OUT A LOT,
WELL-READ AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT
HE DID THAT STUFF BECAUSE HE WAS
COOL, BUT NOW I REALIZE IT IS
BECAUSE HE WAS SINGLE.  YOU
KNOW?  THAT'S THE ONLY REASON
YOU DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS, YOU
KNOW?  I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IF
YOUR DAD IS TAN, HE IS UP TO
SOMETHING.  YOU KNOW?  YOUR
PARENTS HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 20
YEARS YOUR DAD BETTER LOOK JUST
LIKE PAUL GIAMATTI.
>> EVERY TIME I SEE A
50-YEAR-OLD DUDE AT THE GYM, IT
IS LIKE YOUR FAMILY HAS THE
RIGHT TO KNOW THE TRUTH AND FEEL
LIKE PUSHING HIM OFF THE
ELLIPTICAL.
>>
>> I DON'T KNOW, MAN, YOU ARE
NOT GOING TO CATCH YOUR DAD IN
BED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN BUT YOU
WILL CATCH HIM WHITENING HIS
TEETH AND FRANKLY THAT IS JUST
AS TROUBLING, IT REALLY IS.
I WISH I FOUND OUT SOONER, PA IF
I LEARNED THAT WHEN I WAS A KID
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT, NEVER
WOULD HAVE HAD TO LISTEN TO MY
DAD, HE WOULD COME IN MY ROOM,
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A LOT OF
CHORES TO DO, I DON'T KNOW I
HAVE SOME POLAROIDS THAT SAY YOU
HAVE A LOT OF CHORES TO DO, SO
MAYBE POWER UP THE LAWN MOWER
AND TRY NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH IT,
IF YOU.
OKAY, GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> James: MEKKI LEEPER,
EVERYBODY!
TICKETS FOR FEBRUARY AVAILABLE
AT deadcrowcomedy.com.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> James: THAT WAS VERY, VERY
NICE.
