

Only for You

Book One of the Forever and Always Series

E. L. Todd

This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All right reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Only for You

Published by E.L. Todd at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 E.L. Todd

For Kristina,

who loved this series more than I did, read it three times before I published, and told me she loved the world I created and the characters I made. You always encouraged me to push forward even when doubt crippled me. You satisfied my overwhelming neediness and always gave me honest feedback. Thank you for loving my novels and being the greatest best friend anyone could ask for you. This novel is dedicated to you with love and gratitude.

"Touch my mouth and hold my tongue  
I'll never be your chosen one  
I'll be home safe and tucked away  
Well You can't tempt me if I don't see the day

The pull on my flesh was just too strong  
Stifled the choice and the air in my lungs  
Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie  
'Cause when I opened my body I breathe in a lie."

"Broken Crown" -Mumford and Sons

1

Penelope sat across from me in the small café on Fifth Street, a petite coffee shop that had the best coffee I had ever tasted. Michael Buble's voice sang in the background, and the soothing melody immediately reminded me of an elevator or an Olive Garden, since both places always played his tunes. Penelope drank from her coffee and said nothing for several moments as she organized her thoughts. I wasn't sure why she asked me to meet her there, but it seemed important.

The dim lighting of the café complemented the dark strands of her hair that reached past her shoulder. The color of her locks reminded me of my own, except mine were a slightly lighter shade, and her skin tone was also similar to mine. She was wearing a dress I let her borrow, the one I bought on clearance at the mall, and it fit her just as well as it fit me. She and I were the same size and height, which was convenient when we wanted to borrow clothes from each other. Penelope was a beautiful woman who was also successful and intelligent. Every man's dream, really. I wasn't surprised that Sean was so infatuated with her. How could he not be? If I were a guy, I would want to get with her too, as odd as that sounds. I leaned back in my chair and waited for her to speak. The stilettos I was wearing were making my feet sore, but I ignored the discomfort. I had to wear them all day at work, so I knew I should disregard the pain. We exchanged a few pleasantries about our jobs and our new workout routine at the gym, but nothing of any importance. I could tell how nervous she was by the odd small talk. Normally, she and I were laughing together constantly, making jokes about things only she and I understood. That usual jolly banter was absent that day. Patiently, I waited for her to address the real reason why we were having that meeting—without Sean.

"Scarlet, let me start by saying this," she said as she played with the ring on her right finger, a plain band with her initials carved into it. It was the ring Sean gave her months earlier. She fingered it with shaky hands. "Sean is a great guy—one of the best that I know. I care about him very much."

I felt my heart race in my chest as I listened to her words. I had given break up speeches my whole life, death blows to the heart, and I recognized the message immediately—she was dumping Sean.

"He and I have just grown apart," she said quietly. "I don't see this going anywhere and—I'm leaving him."

I stared at her for a moment. "What do you mean? Sean has already brought you to his family estate in Connecticut. He is completely committed to you in every way. How can you not see it going anywhere?" I tried to hide my anger, but I couldn't help it. This was making so sense whatsoever.

"It's difficult to explain. Our relationship—"

I held up my hand to her. "There is someone else, isn't there?" She stopped caressing the ring on her hand and met my gaze. I could tell by the shape of her expanded eyes that my assumption was right—she was already with some other guy. "How long?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "A few months, maybe more," she said.

I took a deep breath, controlling the anger coursing through my body. I hadn't been in a fistfight since high school, but I definitely wanted to knock her out, right in the middle of the café. If she wanted to leave Sean, I couldn't stop her. That was completely her decision, even though it's absolutely idiotic, but to cheat on him and fuck some other guy was unforgivable. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I wasn't planning on it," she said simply.

"He has the right to know."

"It will kill him, Scarlet. I am already breaking up with him. Is it really necessary to tell him I'm leaving him for another guy?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and revealed the diamond earrings that Sean bought her for Christmas. The sight made me want to punch her again. Sean treated her like a goddess. I don't understand why any woman would leave him. He was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen. He was also intelligent, fit, successful, and came from a wealthy family. Every girl wanted to jump his bones.

"Then why did you tell me?" I asked. "What makes you think I won't tell him?"

"It doesn't matter if you do," she said. "That's for you to decide."

I looked down at my steaming chai tea latte, which I no longer wanted because of the overwhelming bile rising in my throat. It made me want to vomit. Sean was my best friend and I couldn't believe she was doing that to him. I could only imagine how much it would crush him. We had been through break ups together before, but I knew this would be different. It would completely shatter him to pieces. I wasn't looking forward to cleaning up the mess. "When are you going to do it?"

"Tonight."

"Why are you telling me first?"

"You are his best friend, Scar. I know he'll need you. Sean will be too upset to talk to you so I thought letting you know beforehand would make it easier on him."

"How thoughtful of you," I said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at her then looked out the window. I knew Sean was at work, enjoying the beautiful summer day in Manhattan, completely oblivious to the death blow that was coming his way in a few hours. A few weeks earlier, Sean and I went to pick out an engagement ring. After hours of searching, he finally designed the custom ring that he deemed worthy of his future bride. He hadn't even paid it off yet. I couldn't hide the ferocity in my voice. "You are making a mistake, Penelope. Sean is a great guy—the best I've ever known. I can promise that you'll regret this. Whoever this other guy is doesn't compare to the man Sean is—not even by half."

She nodded. "You're probably right."

"He is going to propose. I even picked out the ring with him."

"Well, it's a good thing I am doing this now then—before it's too late."

"It is too late, Penelope."

Penelope said nothing for a moment. Her fingers returned to the ring on her right hand, fidgeting under my intense stare of hatred. I used to like Penelope, and not just because she was perfect, but because Sean loved her so completely. She made him happy—and now she was going to kill him. If there was anything that I could have done to stop it from happening, I would have. I knew Sean really loved Penelope. I mean, really loved her. Even though I hated her with every fiber of my being at that moment, I knew I needed to try to convince her to change her mind. Sean would never forgive a girlfriend for cheating on him, but for Penelope, he might make an exception. That's how much he loved her.

"Why don't you think it over for a while?" I asked. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"No," she said as she shook her head. "I love someone else."

"And you don't love Sean anymore?"

"Of course I do," she said quickly. "I'm just not in love with him anymore."

"What an original line," I mocked.

Penelope sat there quietly for a few moments. The room suddenly became silent and Michael Buble's voice disappeared on the sound system. I looked at Penelope and she looked at me, clearly uncomfortable sitting so close to me. It was an awkward moment. Our friendship was over. I couldn't hide the anger on my face and I felt my lips pressed together tightly in a scowl. I shook my head slightly as I replayed the conversation in my head. She was an idiot.

"Well, I should get going then," Penelope said as she stood up.

I didn't move from my seat. "Yes, I think you should."

She stood there, waiting for me to rise and give her a hug, something that we used to do when we were friends. But she was just a whore in my eyes. I couldn't believe she was doing that to Sean—he deserved so much better than her. I didn't move from my seat. I didn't even look at her.

"Goodbye, Scar."

"Have a good life, Penny."

2

I sat in the chair facing the desk and stared at my boss, Carl Rogers, who was a beefy middle aged man. The extra weight he carried around his stomach always made him sweat from the extra heat caused by his fat. He stared at me for a long moment. I already knew I was being disciplined for something. There was no other reason to call me into the office.

"You look lovely today," he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "What? I mean—thank you?"

"You should come to my apartment for dinner tonight."

I felt my heart accelerate. I heard rumors about this creep but I never thought they were really true. "I thought you wanted to discuss the manuscript I submitted?"

"I do," he said with a creepy smile. "At dinner."

I crossed my legs. "Why don't we discuss it here?"

His smile dropped. "This manuscript was despicable. Did you even read it?"

I felt the anger rise. I knew I was the best editor in this building, including him. "Yes. And I know I did a wonderful job on it."

"Well, you didn't. And if you want to keep your job, I suggest you come over for dinner tonight."

I couldn't believe this was happening. I was being threatened and harassed and there was nothing I could do about it. "No."

"You really don't want to cross me, Scarlet. I suggest you just do as you're told."

That just pissed me off even more. "No," I repeated.

He placed his hand on the manuscript sitting on the desk then stared at me. "Last chance."

I stood up and left the office. I shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit. I wasn't going to put out just to keep my job. And the only way he could prove that I didn't clean that manuscript was if he replaced it with a new one. I walked back to my desk and sat down. When I looked up, I saw him glaring at me. He followed me to my cubicle and now he stood over me. His eyes were lit in flames and he looked furious.

"When I ask you to copy edit something, I expect you to do it." My boss threw the manuscript on my desk, almost knocking over my cup of coffee as the pages slammed onto the surface. He stared at me with a look of anger. "And do it right," he said as he stood back and crossed his arms over his chest.

Everyone else in the office stopped their work and looked directly at us. I was being put on blast for the entire company, berated for something I wasn't completely sure of, and I felt the tears bubble under my eyes. I wouldn't cry in front of my boss and colleagues, but I knew I would run to the bathroom and let the tears fall afterwards. Carl's eyes looked enormous through the magnified lens of his glasses, and it increased his formidable appearance. I didn't understand how he got away with such a hostile manner. What was Human Resources doing all day, other than ignoring company policy?

"You keep bragging about your fancy Harvard degree but you lack any ability to use it." He pushed the manuscript closer to me as he continued his rant. "Edit this again, and if it isn't perfect, you can find yourself another job." Roger walked away and left me alone at my desk.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, trying to retain my composure in front of the audience that was staring at me. I grabbed the manuscript and flipped through the changes. My edits were always in red, but there were three marks made with a blue pen, which I recognized as Carl's handwriting. One comma wasn't placed between two independent clauses, and a semicolon was crossed out and broken up into two new sentences, something our high-profile author, Christine Dirkson, specifically stated she wanted to keep in her novel. The last mistake Carl caught was the incorrect indent of a paragraph, another specific request by the author. The author retains the rights to his or her book before it is published, and Carl was completely disregarding this rule, or he completely forgot about it. In either case, Carl Rogers was a complete ass.

I returned the manuscript to the table and thought rationally for a moment. I could walk into his office and defend my actions, which I was completely justified in doing, and demand an apology for disrespecting and humiliating me in front of my colleagues, or I could march to HR and tell them about the situation. Of course, they would do nothing, but my only alternative was to do nothing. As much as I hated myself for it, I choose the last option. I was so mad, I didn't care anymore.

"Are you okay?" Janice asked as she walked to me. Her cubicle was directly next to mine. She and I immediately became friends when I started working there years earlier. "Roger can be an asshole sometimes."

"Sometimes?" I snapped. "That man has hated me since the day I started working here, which doesn't make any sense because he is the man who hired me."

"Well, did you put out?" Janice asked.

I stared at her for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"He's an office slut. Don't tell me you're ignorant to that? Most of the editors and secretaries have slept with him to keep their jobs. R and R is one of the best publishing agencies in the country. Everyone wants to work here."

I shook my head. "That is disgusting."

"I know," she said quietly.

Candice, another editor, walked past us and headed for the water cooler against the wall. Janice and I just let her pass. Janice returned to her seat across from me and smiled, trying to make me feel better. It wasn't working. Janice had long blonde hair and a petite waistline, and she was easy to get along with. We clicked on the day we met. If she wasn't there to bridle my anger, I probably would have assassinated my boss by then. And then blew up the building for good measure.

"Did you—you know?" I asked her quietly.

Janice made a disgusted face. "Of course not," she said quickly. "I'd rather work at Taco Bell than get under him."

"Me too," I agreed.

"Are you going to say anything?" she asked.

"No," I said. "How would I start?" I cleared my throat. "Carl, you are a disgusting piece of shit, a horrible chief editor, and no one wants to fuck you because you're ugly as ass. And you are a dumb shit."

Janice's eyes widened at my words. My foul language surprised her. I whispered so low that no one else in the office heard me, but it was obvious Janice caught every word. She chuckled to herself quietly and tried to hold back the giggles.

When she got herself under control she said, "If only you'd actually said that," she whispered. "I think you would be the office hero."

"I would get a medal."

She laughed. "Yes, you would," she said. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "I hate working for someone else. Every boss I've ever had has been an incompetent jerk—I'm sick of it."

"Then you should leave, Scarlet. You are better than this place anyway. Start your own editing company."

"I wish," I said.

"Do it, Scarlet. I mean it. You totally could."

"No," I said as I shook my head. "I still have student loans to pay and I don't have any start-up cash to even begin."

"What about Sean?"

"No," I said. "I don't want to ask him for money."

"Why not?" she asked.

"I just don't."

"What about your mom?"

"That's a negative, too."

Carl Rogers left his office and shut the door loudly behind him. I immediately turned away from Janice and opened the manuscript to one of the pages he had marked. He strolled over and stopped directly next to my desk with his arms crossed over his chest. His lips were tight in a scowl and his brow was furrowed. He watched me for several seconds. I could feel the hostility in the air like the rising heat on a summer day. Carl continued to stare at me and I was feeling more furious with every passing second. The environment was so inhospitable there that I wanted to quit, but I couldn't. I would be homeless. When I met his gaze, he glared at me then walked away. "Fuck off," I whispered under my breath.

Janice looked at me from her cubicle and I met her gaze. She rolled her eyes then returned to her work at her computer. I made the three damn changes to the manuscript so I could return it to the bastard I hated so much.

3

"You want to share a cab to the gym?" Janice asked as we walked out of the grand doors that led to the entrance of R and R. I was relieved the day at the office had finally come to an end. By the end of the last hour, I was fantasizing about sticking paper clips into various parts of Carl's eyeballs, making it impossible for him to close his eyelids. That was the moment I knew I needed to get the hell out of there. I was starting to sound like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

The city was humid from the sweltering heat of summer. The people of Manhattan were wearing shorts and sandals as they passed us on the sidewalk. The roadways were saturated with tourists who came to see the attractions of New York. Personally, I didn't have any interest in the Empire State Building or the Statue of Liberty. I preferred the culture of the city. Just watching the customers in the coffee shop or the runners who jogged around Central Park was enough to convey the tone of the city—the greatest city in the country.

"No, I have somewhere to be," I said sadly. My navy blue dress slipped past my thighs and I pulled it down as we walked to the end of the sidewalk. I was heading to Sean's apartment. I didn't visit the evening before because I didn't know how long the breakup conversation would last and I didn't want to interrupt them. I hadn't called or texted him either. "I'll see you tomorrow." I waved to Janice as a cab pulled over at the sound of my whistle. I got inside, heading to his apartment a few blocks away. Normally, I would walk, but these heeled shoes were killing my feet.

When I got out of the cab in front of his building, I went to the pizzeria next door and grabbed a large combination and a few beers before I headed up to his place. Whenever I was depressed about something, Sean always brought me pizza and beer. It was like how girlfriends made tea for each other when they were angry at their boyfriends, started their period, or just wanted to bitch about something for the hell of it. I always thought the act was touching. After we ate, we would always sleep together in my bedroom, talking about anything else to make me smile. Sean was always there when I needed him. Now I needed to return the favor. The doorman opened the door for me, and another man pressed the elevator button, allowing me to reach Sean's door without dropping anything. I knocked on the door several times before he finally answered. I was surprised he came to the door at all.

His lips were stretched tight, like he hadn't slept in three days, and his eyes were puffy as if he had rubbed poison ivy all over his face. He ran his hand through his hair when he saw me on the doorstep, indicating his awkwardness. I could tell how depressed he was. I'd never seen him look worse. The sight broke my heart.

"Now isn't a good time, Scar," he said weakly. He ran his hands through his brown hair and I saw the despair in his blue eyes. Normally, Sean looked calm and collected even when he was in stressful situations. His shoulders never drooped and he always held himself upright, strong and proud, but now his frame seemed broken. His jaw was tight with unspent tension and his mouth looked tense, not relaxed like it normally was. Sean was still handsome, but he also looked pitiful. He reminded me of a dog that didn't have an owner—lost. "I'm not in the mood right now."

I pushed the door open and walked into the room, placing the pizza on the kitchen table and the beer in the refrigerator. He sighed as he shut the door behind me. I ignored his obvious despair and tried to act normal.

"The Yankee game is starting in a few minutes," I said as I popped open two bottles of beer. I gave him one. He held it in his hand but didn't drink from it. That act alone told me exactly how he was feeling. Sean would never let a fresh beer go to waste. I carried the pizza into the living room and turned on the television. Sean didn't argue and took the seat next to me on the couch. He finally took a drink of his beer, but he didn't speak.

We had been friends for a long time, but I'd never seen Sean so depressed over a break up. He was talented at hiding his emotions and adopting an indifferent façade, but I was connected to him in a way no one else was. I could practically hear his heart scream with every beat. I hated seeing him in so much pain, especially since it was unnecessary. Penelope never should have left him.

This wasn't the first break up we had been through together, but it was definitely the worst. I had a boyfriend in college and the relationship was unstable and shaky. Some days we were happy together, and other times we wanted to rip out each other's throats. It was Sean that finally ended the relationship, saying that he didn't like the guy and wanted me to find someone better. Without hesitation, I ended the relationship for good. I remembered the day like it just happened.

"Are you okay?" he asked. We sat together under the shade of a tree near the entrance to the university. I was picking at the grass and Sean was staring straight ahead. It was a Saturday afternoon but neither one of us were in the mood for going out. I was too depressed to have a good time, and I knew Sean wouldn't leave my side until he knew I was well.

"I'll get over it, Sean."

"Please don't do that," he said. He turned toward me and I felt his eyes sink into me. "You are my closest friend, so please don't act braver than you really are. That shit isn't going to work on me. It's okay to break down sometimes."

"I thought it annoyed you when women were emotional and sappy, crying over the loss of a boyfriend?"

"It does." He laughed. "But you are different. I love you."

"You love me?" I teased. He smiled at me, and I suddenly felt better. I already knew how much he cared for me, but it was nice hearing it once in a while.

"Yeah," he said with a smile. "You are different than any other girl I've ever met. It's no wonder why guys are crawling all over you all the time."

"Then why aren't you?" I asked playfully.

"Since I dated your friend Nancy before I met you, I've always thought of you as off limits. Perhaps if I saw you first, things would have been different. I will admit that I've checked out your ass a few times."

I hit him on the shoulder. "Don't get gross."

He laughed. "You know I respect you, Scarlet. So take it as a compliment."

"I still don't need you to check me out," I teased.

He smiled. "You are a hot piece of ass."

"You got that right." Sean put his arm around my shoulder and I leaned my head against him. Somehow he made me feel better without trying, distracting my mind from the root of my pain and changing it into a happy moment. I felt safe with him. I knew it was okay to be upset or depressed, but at the same time, he chased away any reason to be upset. He made me forget my troubles.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"I'm always hungry."

Sean laughed. "Let's get some pizza and beer."

"I know I'm cool like a guy, but I'm still a girl. I do have a vagina."

"I'm going to need some proof."

I hit him on the shoulder again. "Don't be gross!"

"Okay." He smiled. "Then what would you rather have? A salad and some sliced fruit or something?"

I shook my head in disgust and thought for a moment. "Pizza and beer sounds good."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Women." He sighed. He got up and extended his hand to me. I placed mine in his and he hoisted me up from the ground.

The sound of the commercial shattered my memory, bringing me back to reality. I was still sitting on the couch with a cold beer in my hand.

We watched the game for a few hours and Sean never said anything about Penelope. I hadn't really expected him to, but after the first few innings, the Yankees were in the lead and Sean began to relax. He started yelling at the screen like he always did when something happened to his favorite baseball team.

Then he reached for the pizza box and ate half of it, finally finding his appetite and forgetting his depression for a few minutes. As soon as the game was over, he readopted his sullen attitude, breaking my heart once again. I tried to lighten the mood. "I decided not to dye my hair blonde," I said.

"Good." He smiled. "That would have looked terrible on you."

"Well, thanks for being so sensitive about it." I laughed and held up my beer. "Do you like it? It was the only thing left in the store."

He placed his empty bottle on the table. "I'll drink anything," he said. "You know me." Sean finally met my gaze. His eyes fell when he saw the pity in my eyes. "You know."

"Yes."

He nodded.

"We don't have to talk about it, Sean."

"Good," he said. "That's the last thing I want to do—talk about it." He looked at the commercial on the screen, but I knew he wasn't really watching it. I was certain he was thinking of that stupid cunt. I was hoping she'd get hit by a cab or something. Or better yet, get a rare strain of super gonorrhea and die from the unstoppable pus leaking from her pussy. "How was your day?" he asked.

I immediately thought of my work drama with that asshole, Carl Rogers, but I decided not to share it with Sean. My insignificant problem was nothing in comparison to his pain. The love of his life had just left him. I wasn't going to bring up something that would just make him feel worse.

It made me angry knowing I was only hired because my boss wanted to fuck me. It just made it worse that he was threatening to fire me if I didn't cooperate. It made me doubt my abilities as a copy editor. Would I have gotten the position if I was ugly? I shook my head and cleared the thoughts away. "It was fine. Nothing of any significance happened. But I did see a hotdog vender throw a bun at some woman who was ordering from his cart. She kept complaining about how unsanitary his business was."

Sean laughed and it made me smile. "And what were you doing when all of this happened?" He took another drink of his beer.

"Ordering a hotdog," I said.

He laughed loudly at my words. "And you didn't care about the dirty conditions?"

"No," I said as I shook my head. "I dropped my hotdog on the ground but I ate it anyway."

"Oh my god," he said as he leaned over and laughed. He clutched his stomach as he heaved with laughter. Eventually, he leaned back and his chuckles resided to a mere smile. Sean stared at me for a few moments. "Thanks, Scar. I appreciate it."

"Of course." I nodded. I finished my beer and placed the empty bottle on the table, alongside his glass. "Did you work today?"

"Called in sick," he said quickly.

"Do you want to go to a strip club?" I asked. I had never been to a strip club but I knew that's what guys did in the city. They paid for a lap dance and watched pretty girls get naked. I wouldn't normally offer something like that, but I was desperate to cheer him up.

Sean gave me a surprised look. "Why would I want to do that?" he asked seriously.

"Isn't that what guys do when they are depressed?"

"Well, that's not me and you know it."

"I thought you might like to try something different."

"Maybe a different flavor of ice cream, but that's it."

"You sound so manly," I said sarcastically.

"You got that right." He took another drink from his beer, just to prove his point.

"Do you want to get some ice cream in Central Park?" I asked. Sean shook his head as he smiled, clearly amused by my suggestion.

"I suppose. Even though I didn't work out today, hardly moved, drank three beers and ate half of a pizza, maybe a little ice cream wouldn't hurt."

"Yeah, you have a lot to worry about, Sean," I said as I rolled my eyes. We go to the same gym and I've seen his workouts. They are intense, making his muscles toned and firm, and his body barely held any fat. If I was walking down a dark alley, I would definitely want him beside me for protection. "Let's go."

We walked around Central Park for an hour, talking about a new account he was working on at the firm, something incredibly boring and I had no real interest in, but I listened to him anyway because I knew he needed to distract his mind. He droned on for about twenty minutes, and normally I would interrupt him, but that day was an exception. My mind kept wandering to my boss and I fantasized about killing him. I thought about it so often that my disturbing thoughts didn't even surprise me anymore.

The sun lowered behind the buildings of Manhattan and cast a shadow over the park. It was a nice respite from the humid temperature of the summer heat. Sean finally ended his snooze story and we walked in silence. I finished my child size ice cream a long while ago, but Sean was still picking at his.

"How did you know?" he asked.

I knew what he meant. "She told me."

"When?" he asked with a sad voice.

"Yesterday morning—before she did it."

His voice became angry, pained with the emotion of betrayal. "Why didn't you warn me, Scar?"

"It wouldn't have changed anything, Sean. She only told me so I would be there for you. It isn't my place to interfere with your personal relationships. Besides, I think it would have only made things worse." His eyes still shined with anger and I knew he was upset. "I'm sorry, Sean. I tried to convince her she was making a mistake, but it didn't change her mind."

He threw his half eaten ice cream in the garbage can we passed, and I tossed mine as well. Then he put his hands in his pockets, walking beside me in silence. I decided not to press the subject. We walked back to his apartment without saying a word, and I knew how angry he was by that silence alone.

Back in the apartment, I grabbed my purse and was ready to leave when he stepped in front of me. "Can you sleep here tonight?" he asked. He dropped his gaze and stared at the floor. His strong shoulders sagged under the weight of his grief and the light in his eyes dimmed, appearing lifeless. My hatred for Penelope increased even more. "I couldn't sleep last night and I don't expect to get any rest tonight either—if I'm alone, at least." His request didn't bother me. I had slept over many times, sometimes in his bed and other times on the couch. It wasn't unusual for us to be together in such an intimate way. Nothing ever happened and Penelope never felt threatened by me, claiming that if something was going to happen between us, it would have happened already.

"Yes, of course." I smiled. I grabbed his shoulder and rubbed him gently for a moment before I dropped my hand. "I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"Don't be stupid, Scar. You can sleep in my bed with me. You've done it before."

"I suppose," I said quietly.

Sean gave me a clean shirt and a pair of running shorts, which were way too big. I went into the bathroom to change and when I came out, he was already in bed with the sheet pulled over him. I lay on my side of the bed and set the alarm on my phone so I wouldn't be late to work. Maybe I'd take one of Sean's knives to work with me.

"Did she tell you why?" he asked.

I knew what he was referring to. I didn't know if I should tell him the truth, or if he already knew the truth, so I was silent for a moment, debating within the privacy of my mind. "No," I said finally. "Did she tell you?"

"Yes and no," he said. "She mentioned some bullshit about drifting apart and she didn't see a future for us. Sounds like a fucking lie."

"Maybe," I said non-committedly.

Sean covered his face with his hands and sighed loudly. "I don't know what to do."

"You'll be fine, Sean."

He shook his head. "No, I won't. I love her. I mean, I really love her."

"I know you do."

"I don't know what to do," he repeated.

"How about you go to work tomorrow? Let's start there."

I heard him sigh. "I guess that's a start."

4

Sean

"You don't look sick, but you definitely look like shit." Brian walked into the elevator and stood beside me. The doors closed and the elevator was still for a moment before it began its slow ascent to my firm on the thirtieth floor. My lips felt tight as they formed a constant frown, and I felt my heart ache during every moment. I drank two beers before leaving for work that morning, without Scarlet's knowledge, just to take the edge off, but I still felt like shit. My mind drifted to thoughts of Penelope. I tried to ignore them, but they came rushing back to me. I completely forgot that Brian was standing beside me.

Brian waved a hand in front of my face. "Is there anyone home?" he asked. Normally I would be annoyed with this behavior but I was so down that I didn't care at all.

"Hi," was all I said.

Brian stared at me, probably wondering if I was going to hit him or threaten him. He knew how upset I was. "What the hell happened? Did someone die?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I tightened the strap on my shoulder bag and stared straight ahead at the closed doors of the elevator. I could see Brian staring at me in the distorted reflection. I had no desire to speak with anyone and I wanted to be left alone. I would have just called in sick if Scarlet had let me, but she insisted that being at work would be a good distraction. She was usually right, even though I would never admit that to her. The screen displayed the floor number the elevator was passing and I couldn't understand what was taking so long. I wanted to get out of there.

"Did Penelope say no?"

My teeth ground together in pure hatred for Brian because he said her name. I hated hearing her name from anyone and everyone. That woman, the love of my life, was the last person I wanted to discuss. I thought I was going to marry the girl and I thought she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong. I took a deep breath. "I never asked her."

Brian turned away and became quiet. He didn't speak for awhile and I felt relieved that the conversation had been dropped. I just wanted to disappear down the elevator shaft. I wanted the cord to snap from the burden of the heavy weight on my heart, and I wanted to plummet to my death. Brian could come with me.

Brian turned to me again. "Did something happen with Penelope?"

I shifted my weight and released a sigh. This elevator was so fucking slow. I had nowhere to run, or any way to escape my colleague. I secretly hoped that Penelope would come back to me, so I didn't want to announce to everyone that the relationship was over, but I knew in my heart that she wouldn't. She made that clear. "We broke up."

"What?" he asked incredulously. "What happened?"

"I don't know."

"So, she ended it?"

I nodded.

Brian clapped me on the shoulder. "It'll be okay, man. I'm here for you."

I nodded my thanks, too upset to speak.

The elevator finally stopped and the door slid open. I immediately advanced down the hallway without acknowledging anyone, not even my assistant, and went straight into my office, shutting the door behind me. I sat behind my desk and dove into my work. The work was enough to distract me for a few hours, but Penelope kept probing my mind every few minutes, and after lunchtime, I finally let her in. I stared blankly at my computer screen as I thought about her. I replayed the night she broke up with me and remembered every word she said with such vivid clarity. Despite my binding control over my emotions, I felt my eyes coat with tears, but I forced them back into the recesses of my body. I was at work. I couldn't break down right then. Confusion was also a major emotion that I was battling. Why would she leave? I thought we were happy. Weren't we? I was. I gave her everything she could ever possibly need, including my undying devotion and loyalty to her, something usually impossible to find in a partner. Why didn't she want me? I had a good job, came from a prosperous family, I took care of myself, and most importantly—I took care of her. Every day, I told her how beautiful she was. Whenever we made love, I made sure she was always satisfied. I let her keep her independence, and never acted jealous when I saw her with other guys, even though it killed me if they even touched her. What did I do wrong?

The memory of our recent trip to visit my family in Connecticut came back to me. It was just a few weeks ago. Did she know then? The dress she wore clung to her body in a way that made my heart rush just by looking at her, and the way her hair would fall loose from her clip made me stare at her nonstop. A more beautiful woman I had never seen, and I even told her that while we were standing next to the dance floor of my cousin's outdoor wedding. She smiled at me.

"Thank you."

My fingers caressed the strand of hair and I tucked it behind her ear. She stared at me while I touched her gently. I wondered what she was thinking about in that moment, if she was feeling what I was feeling.

"I love you," I said.

She leaned in and kissed me gently.

I wanted to propose to her, had been planning on it for a while, but I couldn't plan a proposal that was good enough for her. I wanted it to be amazing and awe-inspiring. I wanted her to cry. It had to be perfect, nothing less was acceptable for the love of my life.

"I can't believe how lucky I am," I said.

She grabbed my hand in hers and played with my fingers. "I know."

I tightened my grip around her waist and held her close. My entire family was there, probably watching us, but I didn't care. Nothing would stop me from being affectionate towards the woman of my dreams. I loved her and I didn't care how obvious that was. I told my mother that Scarlet and I picked out the ring, and she seemed happy for me, happy that I found someone.

The phone in my office rang and scattered my thoughts. I grabbed it, wondering why my assistant had transferred the call into my office without notifying me first.

"Hello?"

"Hey," she said. I recognized her voice. "How is your day going?"

I sighed. "It's passing me by."

Scarlet didn't say anything for a moment. "What did you eat for lunch?"

"Nothing," I said. "You?"

"A hot dog."

Despite the hollow pain in my chest, I laughed. "From the same vendor?"

I could hear the smile in Scarlet's voice. "Yes," she admitted.

"Did you eat this one off the ground too?"

"No." She laughed. "I was lucky this time."

"I'm glad that you are becoming a classy lady," I teased.

"Who are you calling classy?" she said. "I'm a real woman, not some unrealistic fantasy and I like it that way."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "I like you that way, too."

"No," she replied. "You love me that way."

I smiled. "Yes, I'll admit that."

"Well, I should get going," she said. "I'll talk to you later."

I sighed, not wanting to end the conversation. For the first time that day, I felt happy and I didn't want to lose that feeling. Scarlet was the only one that could dull the pain I felt. Somehow, she made me feel better without even trying. "Thank you—for calling me."

"Bye, Sean."

"Bye."

I waited for her to hang up first, and I listened to the dead line for a second before I returned the phone to the receiver. The white screen of the computer shined in my face and I started to read where I left off, but my mind kept drifting back to Scarlet. I decided I would run to her as soon as my day at work had ended. I needed her.

5

Scarlet

Janice and I went to the deli across the street on our afternoon break. Janice suggested I bring Carl back a sandwich to play nice, and I almost punched her for making the ridiculous comment. She smiled at me when she saw my eyes widen in unspent rage.

"I don't think a cheap sandwich is going to change anything, Janice."

"Yea," she said. "It doesn't compete with a blow job."

I started laughing despite the vulgarity of the comment, and soon I was choking on the end of my sandwich. Janice handed me her water to wash it down with. "You have a point," I said. "Has Carl ever treated you this way?"

"Yes," she said. "But not nearly as bad as he treats you. You see, I actually do my job."

"Fuck you, Janice." I knew she was kidding, but the unprofessional rebuttal flew from my mouth. She laughed at my retort. She knew I was kidding as well.

Janice pulled back her sleeve and looked at the hour on her watch, checking how much time we had left. "What did you do last night?" she asked as she pulled down her sleeve. "I remember you said you had somewhere to be."

"Yeah," I replied. "I went to Sean's place."

"What's the urgency in that?"

"He's—going through a hard time," I said slowly. I didn't want to divulge his secrets to someone he didn't even know. "We hung out and I slept over."

"What?" she asked. "Did you guys fuck?"

"No!" I snapped. "Of course we didn't."

"Sean must be gay," she said.

"He isn't."

"Then he's at least bi."

"Janice—he isn't gay."

"Then there's something wrong with him. Come on, Scarlet. You are gorgeous. Any time we go out, men are practically ripping out their hearts and handing them to you. Something must have happened between you at some point. There is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a man and a woman—if they're both straight."

"Well, our relationship is platonic. And no, nothing has ever happened between us—ever. And he definitely isn't gay. His longtime girlfriend just broke up with him and he is heartbroken over it."

"Are you making that up?"

"No." I sighed. "I'm being serious."

"Then he must be hideous."

"Not at all," I countered. "He is very handsome."

Janice watched me for a moment and I knew what she was going to say. "You have feelings for him, don't you?"

"No, Janice. I really don't."

She crossed her arms over her chest and was silent. I was hoping she would drop this subject, but I knew Janice better than that. "You've never had a boyfriend since I've known you," she said. "I never even hear you talk about men you are dating—or even think are cute."

"Just because I don't talk about my personal life doesn't mean I don't have one."

"You sure talk about Sean a lot."

"That's because you always ask me about him."

"I think you—"

"I don't!" I interrupted her. "Now drop it, Janice."  
"Fine, I will," she said. "But you have to let me set you up with someone."

"I can get my own dates," I snapped.

"Then go on a date this weekend. I want proof that it actually happened."

"Well, I'm going to a charity event for Sean's firm on Saturday night."

"Well, there's Friday night too," she pressed. "If you can't find someone, I'll help you." She squirmed in her seat, clearly delighted by the idea of finding my future boyfriend and soul mate.

"What about you, Janice? What happened to Russell?"

She rolled her eyes. "I got rid of him like an old pair of jeans. He wasn't right for me."

"Can I set you up with someone?" Now it was my turn for payback.

"How about Sean?" She smiled.

"Are you joking?" I asked.

"No," she said, smiling mischievously. "You said he's available, right? And you have no interest in him."

"He just got out of a relationship, Janice. Sean is a complete mess."

"I'm okay with that." She continued to smile at me but her grin dropped when she saw the unease on my face. "If you don't want me to meet him because you have feelings for him, I completely understand."

"That isn't why," I snapped again. I wasn't usually so short with Janice but Sean was a sensitive topic.

"Sure it is."

"I hate you, Janice."

"I love you, too."

I smiled at her. I couldn't help but be moved by her charms. She was the only friend I had at R and R, especially now that everyone assumed I couldn't do my job right. The day hadn't been such a bad one. Carl didn't come into the office all morning, or at least I hadn't seen him, and I placed the edited manuscript in his box before I left the day before. Perhaps he died in a violent car crash and experienced a slow and painful death. I forced the thoughts from my mind. I was enjoying them too much.

When we returned to the office, I noticed that Carl had returned to work, much to my displeasure. I sat in my cubicle and tried to ignore him. I knew he would make his way over to nag at me eventually.

I checked my email and responded to an inquiry from one of the authors who had sent us her manuscript a month earlier. She was asking about the manuscript I just edited, the one I had been yelled at about. I told her I just finished it and sent it to the chief copy editor. I emailed her a copy of my edited work and notified her that it had been sent.

"Hello, Ms. Reese."

The sound of the woman's voice almost made me jump. I hadn't heard her approach. When I looked up, I recognized Gloria, the head of human resources, and I felt my heart fall in my chest at the sight of her. I knew this wasn't going to be good.

"Could you come with me, please?" she said seriously.

I sat still for a moment, unsure of what to do. Should I grab my belongings since she is probably going to fire me? Finally, I rose from my chair and turned towards Janice, whose eyes were wide open with alarm. I followed the woman down the hallway, towards the human resources department.

When we walked into her office, she turned around and looked at me. "Take a seat," she said as she pointed to the chair in front of her desk. I lowered my body into the seat and held my hands together, feeling the sweat drip off my fingers. I retained the calm demeanor on my face and appeared poised and stoic, hiding the true unease I felt.

"It has come to our attention that you have been spreading falsehoods and disrespecting the chief copy editor in your department, Carl Rogers. This kind of harassment is strictly prohibited in this company, and we explained this to you the day you were hired. You signed an agreement indicating your understanding."

What? "I'm sorry, Gloria—"

"Mrs. Peterson," she corrected.

"I mean—Mrs. Peterson," I repeated. "I can assure you that I have no idea what you are referring to. Please explain the incident you are speaking of."

"Very well." She sighed. She pressed the intercom and spoke to her assistant. "Please bring Candice to my office, Jean."

"Will do, Mrs. Peterson," Jean said.

Now I felt even more confused. I had no idea what Candice, my fellow editor, had to do with this meeting. I never even talked to the girl—ever.

Mrs. Peterson pulled a document closer to her and read aloud. "Apparently, you made some inappropriate comments about Mr. Roger's personal life and his physical features to another woman in your office, stating that he was, and I quote, "ugly as shit" and "a dumb fuck". Please excuse my language."

I felt my heart sink. Yes, I did say those very words, but I only mentioned them to one person: Janice. I felt the anger rise in my throat at the betrayal of my friend. I couldn't believe she would do such a thing.

"Do you deny these allegations?" she asked.

I didn't know what to do. My mind was racing, searching for an answer. I had to come up with a reasonable lie to get out of the mess I created. Even though I hated my job, I didn't want to get sacked—I had to pay rent. "Yes, I do."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Really?" she asked. "Because we have a witness who claims that you did."

I shook my head. "I do not deny saying those words, but I wasn't referring to Carl."

"Then who were you referring to?"

"My boyfriend—Sean," I said quickly. I couldn't think of anyone else. "I admit I shouldn't have been discussing personal information with a coworker, and I apologize if it was misconstrued in a negative way, but I was not referring to my boss and colleague, Mr. Rogers."

Mrs. Peterson stared at me for a long moment, searching my face for a trace of a lie. "Well, it seems that our witness will be the judge of that."

The intercom went off. "She is here, Mrs. Peterson."

She pressed the button. "Send her in."

Candice walked into the room, but I didn't look at her. I had no idea what this woman could possibly say. Her cubicle was nowhere near mine. How she overheard my conversation was a mystery, but then the realization dawned on me. She was at the water cooler when it happened. I couldn't believe she was turning me in. I thought everyone hated Carl.

"Could you please tell us what happened, Candice?"

"Yes, of course," she said. "Scarlet turned to our colleague, Janice, and said that he was an ugly piece of shit and no one wanted to fuck him. She also said he was the worst chief copy editor ever."

"And how do you know she was referring to Mr. Rogers?" Mrs. Peterson asked.

"She said his name," Candice said.

What a fucking bitch. She was obviously getting something in return for getting me fired. "No, I didn't," I argued. "I never said the name Carl when I was talking."

"Did you say chief copy editor?" Mrs. Peterson asked. "You haven't denied that claim."

"Yes, I did say chief copy editor."

Candice finally looked at me. "She admits it. She was referring to Carl, who is the only chief copy editor in this building. She couldn't be referencing anyone else."

I was about to knock that bitch out. "There are other chief copy editors in the world, you know, Candice. Perhaps when you heard editor, you assumed I said Carl, when in fact, I did not."

"So, you are saying Sean is a copy editor, your boyfriend?" Mrs. Peterson asked.

"Yes, he is," I said.

"Well, that's ironic," Mrs. Peterson said.

She stared at me for a moment before she looked at Candice. "Thank you, Candice. You are excused."

Candice walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

"Since there are no other witnesses to this event, the charges will be dropped. However, if there is any more trouble that comes from you, we have the right to terminate your employment under the reasoning that you are a disruption to the work environment."

I couldn't believe what was happening. Carl was the problem, not me. He was the one who fucked half the office, threatening to terminate people unless he got what he wanted.

"You may go," she said.

"Thank you," I forced myself to say.

I left the room and shut the door behind me. I returned to my cubicle and sat in my seat, getting back to work like nothing happened. I didn't look at Candice or Janice, wanting to keep my aura of indifference. Carl would be furious that I hadn't been fired, and I wanted to seem completely unaffected by the interrogation I'd just had. I wanted to win.

Janice scooted closer to me. "What happened?" she asked.

"I'll email it to you." I didn't want to be overheard and I didn't want to get caught writing a personal email on my work computer, so I composed an email from my phone with my personal address and sent it to Janice. I heard her gasp when she read the email.

Carl approached my desk and I felt him stare at me. After a moment, I finally turned to him with a smile on my face, trying to be completely professional. I knew everyone was watching our interaction and I wanted to appear as unthreatening as possible. I needed that job until I found another one.

Carl placed a five hundred page manuscript on my desk. "I need this done by first thing in the morning."

I looked through the pages and quickly realized it was a historical fiction novel, not my realm of expertise, and it required fact checks and history references. I couldn't complete it in twelve hours. The idea was ridiculous. I was specifically hired as a fiction editor. I looked at the top of the manuscript and saw the receipt time of the novel. It was sent to our office two hours earlier. I knew exactly what Carl was doing. He was determined to find any reason to fire me.

"It will be ready," I forced myself to say pleasantly.

His eyebrows furrowed at my words and I saw the anger in his eyes. Carl walked away and returned to his office. I let my head fall onto the manuscript, and I was overcome with the feeling of utter despair. I wanted to just quit. Carl was never going to stop until I was canned. It was better to quit than be fired anyway.

I looked over at Janice as she looked at me with a sympathetic look. "I'll help you," she said. "I have a few favors to call in anyway. I can get other editors to help as well."

"Thank you so much."

"I got you."

6

As soon as we walked out of the R and R building, I started to vent. "I can't believe this! This is complete bullshit!"

"I can't believe it either," Janice said. "Maybe you should just give him head and make all of this go away."

"Hell no," I snapped. Just the idea of shoving his dick in my mouth made me nauseous.

"Maybe you should quit then," she said sadly. "I mean, he is just going to keep doing this to you." She looked at the manuscript in her hand and sighed. "We could fight it. Go to human resources and show them this receipt, which states we just received it, and point out that Candice is the historical fiction editor, not you."

"No."

"Why?" she asked. "It's our only option."

"They just told me if I cause any more problems, they have the right to terminate me. They said it is legal if I cause a hostile environment or something."

"That's bullshit."

"I know it is."

"So, what are we going to do? Keep jumping through hoops until we either win or lose to exhaustion?"

"I have to pay rent," I said. "I have to keep this up until I find another job. And I obviously can't start on that tonight."

"You can't just borrow some money for a month or two?"

"No," I said. "I already have a fortune in student loans to pay off."

"Well," Janice said, "let's get started then. My place or yours?"

"We can go to mine. I just went grocery shopping."

"Okay."

We were about to grab a cab when I saw Sean walk toward me on the street. He was wearing one of his expensive suits with a light blue tie, and he had his bag over his shoulder. He'd obviously just gotten off work. Sean still looked forlorn, depressed, and hungry for affection, but he appeared a little better. A night's rest had done him wonders.

"Hey," he said. "I came by to see if you wanted to grab dinner."

He stopped when he reached us and stared at Janice for a moment. Sean reached out his hand and grabbed hers, shaking it with a firm grip. "Hello, I'm Sean. It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." She smiled.

I rolled my eyes at her words.

"I would love to take both of you out," he said politely.

"I'm sorry, Sean, but Janice and I have a lot of work to do tonight."

Janice cleared her throat. "You won't believe—"

I elbowed her in the gut and she stopped talking immediately. "You're welcome to come over, but we have to finish this project by tomorrow morning."

"That's an early deadline," he said.

"Yes, Janice and I are procrastinators."

Sean stared at me suspiciously. I had never been a procrastinator in my life. In fact, I was the opposite to the point of being annoying. I just didn't want to burden Sean with my problems because I knew how much pain he was in. Plus, I knew he would be furious at my boss and whip up a lawsuit or beat him up in a dark alley.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.

"No, don't worry about it," I said.

"Please help us," Janice said. "We need all the help we can get."

I glared at Janice.

Sean walked away and waved down a cab. I took the moment to snap at her. "Leave him out of this! He is morbidly depressed—he needs space."

"Have you never been depressed in your life?" she asked. "He needs a distraction. And you know we are desperate. He obviously knows grammar and sentence structure, wearing a suit like that, so he can help out with that. Or he can even look up historical information if we ask him to. Why don't you tell him what's going on? Does he know anything?"

"No," I said as I shook my head. "I don't want to burden him with my problems."

"And you swear you don't have feelings for him?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Obviously, I love Sean. He's my best friend, but that's it, nothing more."

"Okay." She sighed. She walked away and climbed into the backseat of the car. Sean held the door open as we took our seats.

After the cab took off down the road, Sean turned to me. "What's going on, Scar?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said. "We just have a big deadline to make."

I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't believe me, but he dropped the argument, much to my relief, and looked out the window as we drove to my apartment. The cab came to a stop and Sean held the door open again for us as we got out then he trailed behind us until we got into my apartment.

We took our seats at the kitchen table. I gave Janice an extra laptop, Sean pulled out his own computer from his bag, and we began to work frantically on the manuscript.

Janice began to read the digital copy on her screen and she squinted at the text. "This is going to be a long night," she said.

I skimmed through the pages and realized it detailed the cold war in Russia, something I had no knowledge or grasp of whatsoever. Yes, I took a few history courses in college, but it didn't detail the specific wars of Russia. The only ones I knew well were the two World Wars, which I still couldn't tell you the specifics about.

Sean looked at the hardcopy on the desk and noticed the receipt on the front page. "You just received this manuscript today," he said. "What's the rush? I don't even recognize the author's name."

"It's a long story."

"Well, apparently we have all night," he said.

I looked away from my screen and met his gaze. "You don't have to help, Sean. But you can sleep on my bed if you want to crash here." I saw Janice look up from her screen and smile at me. I knew what the look meant. She still didn't believe my relationship with Sean was platonic.

"And you aren't even a historical fiction editor, Scar. This doesn't make any sense." He continued to look at me while I concentrated on the screen. I could feel his blue eyes penetrate through my skin and see the aura of falsehood float around me like a cloud, condemning me for lying to him.

"Janice is a historical fiction editor. I am just trying to help her."

He reached out and grabbed my wrist. I didn't flinch at his touch. He hardly ever touched me, but it didn't bother me when he did. "You aren't telling me something."

"Seriously, don't worry about it, Sean. I just have deadlines and schedules like any other job. It doesn't always stay the same," I said.

"Okay," he said as he leaned back and pulled the manuscript before him. "How can I help you?"

"Proofread it."

He looked down at the manuscript then looked back at me. "All of it?" he asked.

"Yes."

"It's five hundred pages."

"I'm aware of that."

Sean sighed as he turned the first page. "You are lucky to have me as your friend."

"That's debatable," I said with a smile. I tossed my long, brown hair behind my shoulder then kicked off the stilettos I was wearing. They were killing my feet. My dress was starting to rise up, but I didn't care. It was only Sean and Janice.

We worked through the night, not saying much for most of the time. We ordered a pizza around midnight and scarfed that down like famished wolves. Sean brewed coffee and poured us a few glasses. Around five in the morning, Sean closed the manuscript and pushed it away.

"I'm done," he said.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "I'm just adding a few comments to the content and changing some dates. The historical events don't line up correctly."

"I found some, too," Janice added.

Sean ran his fingers through his brown hair then massaged his neck. "I'm exhausted," he said.

"You can go home and sleep before work."

"Do you mind if I just sleep here?" he asked.

"No, of course not," I said. "You know you are always welcome here. It's not like you don't have a key to my apartment."

Janice shook her head and I caught the look.

"I think I'll do that," he said as he got up from the table. He turned to Janice. "It was nice meeting you." Janice smiled at him and nodded. "And thank you for letting me join you, Scarlet."

I smiled at him. Sean seemed to keep his emotions so calm, but I knew how depressed he was. The emotional battle behind his eyes was falling deeper into the abyss of his soul, making him sink lower, but I knew I couldn't help him. Time would have to heal the pain of the breakup. Sean walked into my bedroom and closed the door.

Janice looked up from her screen and I spoke before she could, anticipating one of her remarks. "I get it," was all I said.

"You two are weird."

"We are friends—what's weird about that? Have you never had a guy friend?"

"No, I have," she said. "But we always screwed at some point. We may never have been in a relationship, but we crossed some lines. You've never thought about testing the waters?"

"No."

"Sean is fine—I mean gorgeous. You seriously don't find him attractive? I'm starting to think you are les."

"I think he is a very handsome man, and perfect in every way, but no, I don't see him like that, Janice."

"How long have you known him?"

"Since undergrad," I said.

"At Harvard?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. "I studied writing. Sean got his bachelor's in business and eventually got his MBA."

"And you've been friends ever since?"

"That's the story—all in its entirety."

Janice nodded. She said nothing more about Sean. I finally felt the finality of the discussion come to an end—I was tired of defending our relationship. I suspected this would be the end of the interrogations and that she really accepted my story. Sean was my friend, nothing more.

"Well, I'm done," she said. "Are you?"

"Yes," I said.

"You know that if there's a single mistake, he'll fire you, right?"

"Yes. But I don't think he'll find any."

"What if he hands you another manuscript?"

I shook my head, not letting myself even think of the possibility. "I'll stab him with a pen."

"I'll help," she said as she audibly clicked her pen. Even though I was drained of energy and felt my eyes obscure in confusion, I laughed. Sometimes events were funnier when you were exhausted—just like being drunk or high.

"Well, we could sleep for a few hours," I said.

Janice shook her head. "I need to shower and change my clothes."

"I have something you could wear. We're the same size," I said. "You are going to waste a lot of time going to your apartment and back to work. The choice is yours."

She thought for a moment. "I think I will take you up on that."

"Good," I said as I rose from my chair. I grabbed a tight pencil skirt and pink blouse and then gave her a fresh towel for the shower. "The couch is yours," I said. "Enjoy."

She walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I went into my bedroom and saw Sean sleeping under the sheets in just his boxer shorts, trying not to wrinkle his clothes even more than they already were by keeping them folded on the chair. Before I went to bed, I took out my ironing board and ironed his clothes, steaming the wrinkles from the fabric. His suit looked as good as new when I was done with it. I hung it up on a frame and collapsed onto the bed, letting myself fall into unconsciousness immediately.

My alarm went off a moment later, or so it seemed. I rolled out of bed like a zombie, searching for my shoes and purse. My stomach hurt like it had a buildup of acid, and it made my body ache. Sean sat up and rubbed his eyes, obviously trying to fight the blinding pain behind his eyelids. He slid from the bed and reached for his clothes. I watched him stand in his shorts in my room and I admired the build of his physique, which was strong and toned. He grabbed the clothes and noticed the lack of wrinkles, along with the perfect fold of the pants. Sean dressed himself then tied his tie. "Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," I said. "It was the least I could do. You helped me so much, Sean."

"Well, you are always helping me."

I grabbed my stuff and we all headed out the door. Sean waved goodbye as he walked the opposite way down the street, heading to his firm on the east side. Janice and I said nothing on our way back to the office while I held the completed manuscript in my hands like it was a precious jewel.

We walked into the office early, and I placed the completed draft inside Carl's box, wanting it to be ready for him before he even got there. I sat at my desk and checked my email. There was a quick message from Sean that was sent from his phone. "Thanks for everything, Scar," was all it said. I wondered why he hadn't texted me directly, but then I didn't dwell on it for too long. Maybe he knew I checked my email right when I got to work? Who knows?

Carl walked into the office and glared at me as he moved down the center of the walkway and into his office. He probably assumed that I hadn't completed the task. I secretly hoped he thought I didn't, and would be too careless to look in his box before he harassed me. I knew my greatest dreams were coming true when I saw him march down to my cubicle with everyone in the office watching and waiting for the storm about to ensue.

"Where is it? If you can't do your job, then I'll find someone who can."

"Mr. Rogers—"

"No excuses, Scarlet," he yelled. "You didn't do your job, so I am dismissing you from your post."

"Mr. Rogers—"

"I said you are dismissed. Don't argue with me."

Charlie, his assistant, approached Roger with the manuscript in his hand. I couldn't help but smile. "Here it is, sir. It was in your box. I just found it."

Carl looked from his young assistant then back at me. "It better be flawless, Scarlet."

"I never disappoint." I smiled.

Carl turned around and walked away. Janice looked at me and gave me a high five.

"We showed that cunt," she said.

7

Sean

My eyes kept closing by their own will, but I forced them to reopen and concentrate on the computer screen in my office. I only slept for an hour or two, and I was feeling the effects to an intense degree. I opened my bag and looked at the medication I had left over from a previous surgery, wondering if I should take one. The pain from Penelope's abandonment was still sharp and strong, and I needed an escape. I knew Scarlet would be furious if I turned to such a low tactic, so I returned the bottle to the bag and closed it.

I looked back at the computer screen, but my mind continued to drift away from the content I was analyzing. Penelope kept popping into my mind. She hadn't called or reached out to me in any way. My phone never rang and I never received a text message from her, even though I prayed it was her every time my phone made a sound. Since I reread the same paragraph three times, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and stared at the screen. I still had our text conversations saved in my phone because I was unable to delete them yet. They were all I had left of her.

Her name was on my phone and I wanted to press the call button and talk to her. I wanted to ask her if we could try again, to give me another chance. I would do whatever she asked to make this work, anything at all. But after I took a deep breath, I locked the phone and returned it to my pocket, knowing she would never want me to call her. My bag was leaning against my leg under the desk and I opened it, searching for the box I kept inside. I pulled out the engagement ring I had bought for Penelope and stared at it for a moment. I daydreamed about her wearing it everywhere. When guys would hit on her, she would say, with a smile on her face, "I'm taken." My ultimate fantasy was to claim her as my own and that men would look at me in envy because she was the woman on my arm. I wanted her to be the mother of my children and the woman I grew old with. I still couldn't believe that she wasn't. She and I were supposed to be together. Why didn't she see that?

I shoved the box back into the pocket of the bag, hiding it from view. The ring had cost me a fortune but it was something that Penelope deserved. I hadn't returned it to the jewelry store yet because a part of me hoped—prayed—that she would return to me, that she would realize she had made a mistake. Besides, it was custom made with her name engraved on it. I would only get a fraction of what I paid for it. They would harvest the diamonds that I hand-picked for her, the highest quality gems I could find, and they would recycle the white gold and make another ring out of it for another bride. I just wasn't ready to accept that yet.

Scarlet hadn't mentioned Penelope at all, which I was grateful for, except when she informed me that Penelope had approached her before she dumped me. I didn't understand why Penelope had told Scarlet first since it wasn't Scarlet's business. I assumed that my girlfriend would break up with me first before she told someone else. It made me feel even less valued.

The computer screen had dimmed because I wasn't using it, and it reminded me of the work I was neglecting. I returned to my reading for the next hour, and when the work day was finally over, I went to Scarlet's apartment and went inside with my key. I didn't want to be alone and I was willing to admit that.

Scarlet came home a few minutes later and she didn't seem surprised to see me sitting on the couch, watching the television with the remote in my hand.

"I'm surprised you aren't sleeping," she said as she put her bag on the table. Scarlet kicked off her heels and rubbed her feet. She wore those shoes because they made her ass look great even though they hurt the arch in her foot.

"I was waiting for you."

She walked into her room and shut the door. I assumed she was changing so I stayed in the living room until she came out. When the door opened, she was wearing an old jersey that I had in college, and plain shorts. She had washed her makeup off, and I thought she looked just as beautiful without the paint on her face. "How was your day?" she asked as she sat beside me.

I shrugged my shoulders. My day was depressing and I didn't want to elaborate on it. "How was yours?" I asked. "Was your boss satisfied with the manuscript?"

She smiled. "Yes, he definitely was."

I patted her thigh. "Good job." I leaned back in the chair and felt my eyes close. Even though I'd been exhausted all day, I knew I wouldn't sleep if I was alone because I was in too much pain. Only when I was with Scarlet did I feel my body truly relax. "Are you still going to the gala with me tomorrow?"

"Of course," she said.

"Okay," I said with my eyes closed.

I felt her pat my shoulder with her hand. "Come on," she said. "Let's go to bed. I need to nap for a few hours. After that, we'll go to the movies. I haven't been in forever."

I opened my eyes and got up. "That sounds like a plan."

We both walked into the bedroom and I stripped off my clothes. I would normally wear something to bed, but I didn't have any extra clothes at her apartment, and I wasn't going to wear my suit. Scarlet didn't seem affected by my near naked body. She had seen me before. I lay in her bed beside her.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"No," I said. "But I feel better."

She turned on her side and looked at me. "You are going to be fine."

I felt her hand touch mine and I didn't pull away. "I hope so."

"You will be."

Scarlet still held my hand as I closed my eyes, falling asleep immediately.

8

Sean

When I woke up, I felt her warm hand still within mine. She was lying on her side, exactly where she had been before I fell asleep. The strands of her brown hair curved around her face and highlighted her cheekbones. She seemed so peaceful and rested. I had never watched her sleep before, and I felt creepy doing it now.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her usual smile spread across her lips and she pulled her hand from mine, stretching across the bed. "How did you sleep?" she whispered.

I ran my hand through my hair then wiped the sleep from my eyes. Sleep was a rare luxury for me. My mind was so distracted with the raw pain throbbing in my chest that I could never be relaxed enough to fall fully unconscious. Even when I did, I just had horrific dreams about Penelope leaving me. It was a catch twenty-two. Luckily, when I was with Scarlet, I was able to rest. She was like my dreamcatcher, chasing away the nightmares that plagued my thoughts. Without her, I really don't know what I would have done.

"Good, actually," I said quietly.

She rose from the bed and walked to her closet. She stared at her clothes for a moment before she pulled out a sundress and a pair of sandals. "You still want to go to the movies?"

I smiled at her. "I can see that you do."

"Well, hurry up and get dressed." She walked into her bathroom and disappeared. I rose from the bed and put on my suit. I didn't want to wear something so formal, but I was so scared to be alone for even a few minutes that I wouldn't return to my apartment without Scarlet with me. I'd never been more pathetic. Everything at my place reminded me of Penelope. I couldn't lie in my bed because I thought about all the times we made love in it. I couldn't eat at the kitchen table because I recalled the nights she cooked dinner for me. I couldn't even use the bathroom because I relived our intimate moments in the shower. Why did Penelope have to leave me? Why couldn't everything just stay the same? I was happy with her.

Scarlet walked out of the bathroom wearing a golden yellow dress that complemented her skin tone perfectly. She looked gorgeous, as always, and I wondered why she wasn't seeing anyone. She could have had whoever she wanted.

She looked at me. "You are going to wear that to the movies? Who are you? Donald Trump?"

I laughed. "I don't have a change of clothes."

"Let's go by your apartment then," she offered.

"Uh," I stuttered. "I'm okay."

She stared at me for a moment. This woman could read my mind like no one else, not even Penelope. "Stay here and I'll fetch you something. How about that?"

I sighed. Scarlet was being so wonderful, and I knew I was acting like a pussy. "No," I said. "We'll stop by before the movies."

She continued to stare at me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "It's not so bad when you're with me."

We left the apartment and took a cab to my building. When we reached my door, I fumbled with my keys before I finally inserted them into the lock. Scarlet burst into the doorway and headed directly to my bedroom. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a gray shirt then tossed them to me before leaving the room.

I smiled as I dressed myself. I knew she was trying to get me out of there as quickly as possible. When I went into the living room, the pictures that I had of Penelope were gone. The few I had on the coffee table had disappeared, and the frames that hung on the walls were absent. I wanted to stow them away myself, but I couldn't do it. I was still hoping that Penelope would return to me and I wouldn't have to deal with it at all. Scarlet helped me take the first step, which I appreciated.

"Thanks," I whispered.

She didn't respond. "Let's go."

We left the building and walked down the street towards the local cinema. Night had descended and the temperature didn't feel so scorching. A light breeze flowed through the street and the adjacent alleys, blowing through Scarlet's long strands of hair. I placed my hands in my pockets and walked beside her. The sidewalk was saturated with people, but the crowd didn't bother me. I was used to it. The sudden coldness reminded me of Seattle.

"How's Ryan?" I asked.

She flinched at the question. "Good—I think."

"Have you not talked to him?"

She shrugged. "Not so much."

"I saw a tattoo I thought he would like," I said. "I texted it to him as a joke the other day." Her brother was a tattoo artist, but he didn't have any tattoos. I always thought it was ironic.

"I'm sure he got a kick out of it." Scarlet was always very close with her brother, so her short response concerned me. Normally, she wouldn't shut up about him.

"Is there something wrong, Scar?"

My question made her snap out of her stupor. "No," she said quickly. "I just haven't talked to him—in a while."

I decided to drop the conversation. Perhaps they were having a fight, which I thought was unlikely. They argued and bickered, but that never stopped them from being close. When they were together, it was obvious they were best friends. I thought the relationship was odd, but after a few years, I didn't question it.

When we stopped at the cinema, Scarlet put her arm through mine. She wasn't normally affectionate with me and hardly ever touched me, but the gesture made me feel better. She was carrying me every step of the way. I glanced down at her, but she was looking at the list of showings.

"What do you want to see?" she asked.

"I get to pick? You never let me pick."

She shrugged. "Today's your lucky day."

"I guess I should get dumped more often."

She smiled at me. "What do you want to see?"

"Nothing with love or that chick-flick shit."

"Okay," she said. "That's fine. I don't care what we watch."

I laughed. "Since when?"

"Just pick," she said, pinching my side.

"I want something with guns, explosions, and death and stuff."

She rolled her eyes. "You are so cliché."

"Hey," I said. "What happened to me getting to pick?"

"I said you could pick the movie. I never said I wouldn't make fun of you for it." She stepped toward the ticket booth and pulled me along with her. "How about the new James Bond movie?"

I nodded. "That works."

"And it has hot chicks in it."

"You think I didn't already know that?" I laughed.

She glared at me for a moment then stepped toward the window. She ordered our tickets, which I paid for, despite her protests, and then we walked inside. I didn't like it when Scarlet paid for anything. I knew she had a mound of student loans hanging on her shoulders. My entire education was paid for by my parents but Scarlet didn't have that luxury. I offered to help her pay back her loans, but being the stubborn woman that she was, she refused any aid I offered. My parents loved Scarlet like their own daughter. If I asked them to pay off her debt, they would do it in a heartbeat. But, of course, Scarlet would never let that happen either.

"Do you want something from the concession stand?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"What?"

"Is that a serious question?" she asked. "I always want something from the concession stand."

"That's right, I forgot. You're a fatty."

She smiled at me. "A hot fatty."

I whistled. "Smokin'."

We stood in line, and when it was our turn, I ordered. "Just a medium popcorn, please." I opened my wallet to grab the cash when Scarlet spoke.

"And a bag of skittles, milk duds, and another medium popcorn."

I stared at her, dumbfounded. "I thought we would share a popcorn?"

"I'm hungry."

I laughed. Scarlet never failed to surprise me. I pulled more money from my wallet and handed it over. We grabbed our snacks and walked into the auditorium.

"I thought we're going to dinner after this," I said.

"We are." She sat in her chair and started shoving the popcorn in her mouth. Her candy was sitting on the arm rest, ready to be devoured immediately afterwards.

"Are you starving or something?" I laughed.

She glared at me. "No. I just like to eat."

"Apparently."

She threw a piece of popcorn at me, and it hit me on the shoulder. "I work out."

"Thankfully."

She threw another piece of popcorn at me.

The movie started and I stared at the screen. I leaned back in my chair and watched the unstoppable action of the movie. It was a nice distraction from the disturbing reality of my mind. Halfway through the movie, Scarlet leaned her head on my shoulder but I didn't mind the touch. I thought she was just being affectionate, but then I realized she was eating from my pail of popcorn because she already finished hers.

"You are unbelievable," I whispered. I laughed quietly, trying not to disturb our neighbors.

"I get that a lot," she mumbled through her mouthful of popcorn.

I tried to control my chuckles but her comment made me heave with laughter. The old lady sitting next to us glared first then hushed me.

Scarlet grabbed a piece of popcorn and threw it at her, hitting her directly in the face. The woman stared at her in shock, unable to process what just happened. Her face turned red then she stood up from her seat, dragging her equally old husband out of the auditorium. When they are gone, I burst out laughing again.

"I can't believe you just did that," I said.

Scarlet continued to eat my popcorn. "Tourists should know their place."

"How do you know they aren't locals?"

"Are you kidding me?" she whispered. "No one from around here would be dumb enough to pull a stunt like that, telling us to be quiet."

"And no one would be dumb enough to throw popcorn at an old lady," I said. "She was like seventy. What's wrong with you?" Even though I thought Scarlet was horrible for what she did, I still thought it was hilarious. Only she would get away with something like that.

"She'll get over it," she said. She leaned back in her chair and continued watching the movie. I stared at her for a moment, watching her place small pieces of the buttery popcorn into her mouth. Her lips were still red from the lipstick she wore and it glistened in the light of the film. Her nails were painted a light pink and they look good against the color of her skin. I realized how odd I was acting, staring at my friend while she watched the movie, so I turned back to the film and watched James Bond kill a few guys, fuck a girl, then move onto his next adventure. I kept thinking about Scarlet's lips and nails and I wasn't sure why. For some reason, it had my attention.

When the movie was over, we left the auditorium and Scarlet threw all of her empty boxes in the trash. Her bucket of popcorn was so clean, it looked like she licked the bottom. When we reached the door, I held it open and allowed her to walk through first.

"I'm guessing you are stuffed?" I asked. "If I ate that much popcorn, I would feel sick."

She ran her fingers through her hair and I noticed the color of her nails again. "Where do you want to eat?"

I smiled. "Are you serious?"

"How about Italian?" she asked. "We can go to that place we always go."

I started to walk beside her as we headed down the street. I watched her dress cling to her flat stomach and noticed her toned legs under the fabric. "Seriously? Where do you put it?"

"Don't worry, I'll pay for it at the gym tomorrow then starve myself next week."

When we reached the Italian place that Scarlet loved, there was a line outside of the restaurant. I looked through the window and realized how packed it was.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I really want to eat here."

I sighed. "It's like an hour wait, probably more."

She batted her eyes at me and twirled her hair, giving me her sweetest look.

I sighed again. "Fine."

She smiled. "Thank you."

I walked over to the host and put our name down on the list. When I walked back, I realized how badly I had to pee. We'd just watched a two hour movie and my bladder was killing me. I looked around at the people gathered outside the restaurant and they all seemed pretty non-threatening. I knew Scarlet could take care of herself, but I didn't like leaving any girl alone in the city. It just didn't settle right with me. Scarlet was a smart girl. I didn't worry about her much because she never put herself in dangerous situations. If she went out at night, she was always accompanied by her friends, and sometimes she would call me and ask me to pick her up from wherever she was just so she didn't have to walk home alone. I never minded when she did that. In fact, I appreciated it. I don't know what I would do if something happened to her. I was a little controlling with Penelope, making sure she never went anywhere alone. I know it annoyed her at times, but I couldn't stand the idea of my girlfriend being raped, mugged, kidnapped, or killed. I just couldn't handle it.

"Do you mind if I use the restroom?" I asked.

Scarlet rolled her eyes. "What? Do you need me to hold it for you?"

I laughed. "You'll be okay? I'll only be gone for a minute."

She looked around at the people surrounding us. An older couple was standing next to us. The man was leaning on a crutch and the woman was popping medication into her mouth. "I think I'll survive," she said sarcastically.

"Okay." I turned into the restaurant and headed towards the back. The dimly lit room cast shadows in the corners and made me feel relaxed, sleepy. Opera music was playing on the speakers, and I thought the sound was odd. Was opera Italian? When I got into the bathroom, no one was there, thankfully. I couldn't count the number of times I caught the guy standing next to me at the urinal staring at my junk. I never looked or even glanced at anyone below the neck. I left the bathroom a moment later, and when I walked outside, I felt my fist clench in anger.

A man was standing in front of Scarlet, leaning close to her and talking into her face. He held a beer in his hand and the golden liquid was splashing onto the ground. It was obvious that he spotted Scarlet from his seat at the bar, and now that he was drunk, he was brave enough to talk to her. I couldn't stop guys from hitting on Scarlet and it wasn't my place to, but she kept stepping away from him, clearly uncomfortable. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her face looked etched in fear. Scarlet was normally sassy in any situation, so the fact that she was being so passive worried me. I mean, the guy was pretty huge. He was taller than me and his eyes had an evil look to them. I didn't blame Scarlet for being intimidated.

I grabbed the guy by the arm and pushed him back. "Step away from her." I heard Scarlet breathe a sigh of relief.

The man stumbled back and spilled the beer down the front of his shirt. When he found his bearings, he stared back at me, a look of unspent rage on his face. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He came at me and shoved me back.

I didn't want a fight. I just wanted him to leave Scarlet alone. "Leave," I said. Scarlet stepped away from us, getting out of the range of fire. I didn't back down from him, standing directly before him. "Now."

He slammed his beer on the ground and broke off the top, turning his bottle into a pointy weapon. All the spectators gasped and stepped away. The old woman who was popping pills screamed in fright. I heard Scarlet in the background, telling me to walk away. But I would never turn my back on someone with a weapon. I learned that a long time ago.

I waited for him to make his move. He shoved the pointy weapon directly at my stomach, but I grabbed his arm and spun him around, pinning it behind his back then I kicked his knees out from under him, sending him to the pavement. He tried to resist me, but after a moment, he stopped.

"Get the fuck off me!"

"The police are on their way," the host said. A few waiters came outside and restrained the man. The host looked at me. "You should leave."

I stared at him for a moment. He was right. The last thing I wanted to do was deal with the police. I walked over to Scarlet, grabbed her arm, and then pulled her away from the entrance to the restaurant. I put my arm around her waist and held her close to me. I wasn't sure why I did it, but I needed to know she was safe and in my arms. We didn't speak for several minutes as we put distance between ourselves and the restaurant.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked. We stopped on the sidewalk and I looked at her. She didn't seem to be injured in any way.

"I'm fine," she said calmly. "Are you?"

I nodded. "I'm okay."

"Thank you."

I didn't respond to her comment. I tried to lighten the mood. Smiling, I said, "I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?"

She shook her head. "I don't know why I attract all the creepers."

I raised an eyebrow. "What creepers?"

She tucked her hair behind her ear then shifted her weight. "Where are we going to eat now?"

The thought of food made me realize how hungry I was. "Do I still get to pick?"

She smiled. "After that little fiasco, I think you earned the right."

I shrugged. "Pizza?"

"We always eat pizza."

"I thought I got to pick?"

"Once again, I never said I wouldn't make fun of you for it."

I stared at her for a moment, awed by her ability to be so calm after such a horrific ordeal. When the guy was pressing his advantage, she actually looked frightened, but now she seemed fully recovered from it. I smiled. "Let's go."

We walked down the street until we found a restaurant that served pizza and Italian food. We sat at a table in the back and shared a combination, which is what we always got. I ordered a beer but Scarlet just drank water. The act surprised me.

"So, are you okay?" I asked. "What did he say to you?"

She stared at her plate while she spoke. "Nothing interesting."

"Do you not want to talk about it?" I could tell how upset she was by her silence. Scarlet never shut her mouth even when I asked her to.

"There is nothing to say." She still didn't look at me.

"You know I'll always protect you, right? You never have to worry about that."

She finally met my gaze. "I know, Sean." She picked up her pizza and ate another bite. Scarlet wiped her mouth with a napkin then pushed her food away, clearly stuffed. She didn't eat as much as she normally did, but I decided not to bug her about it. "Can you sleep over?" she asked.

She didn't normally ask me to. In fact, I couldn't recall the last time she did. I was planning on it anyway, but her request tugged at my heart. If I could kill all the scumbags in the world, I wouldn't hesitate. It would be Hiroshima part two. "Of course."

I paid the bill and we walked back to her apartment. She was quiet on the way, but I didn't press her to talk. After we were inside the apartment, she locked the door and her attitude changed. Finally, she started to relax.

"Wanna watch a movie?" she asked as she sat down on the couch. She pulled a blanket over her legs and grabbed the remote.

"Yeah," I said, sitting next to her.

She put on another James Bond movie and the action made me smile. I knew she would never watch that if she was alone. She was still trying to make me feel better. After a while, she went into her room and changed into shorts and a t-shirt then returned to the couch. At some point during the movie, we both fell asleep on the sofa. I remember feeling her warm body lying on top of my chest and the feel of her soft skin against my hand. The smell of her hair ignited my nostrils and I dreamt of a field of flowers.

9

Scarlet

When I woke up, I felt Sean's neck against my face. I was lying on my side, my back against the couch, and Sean was facing me. His slow breaths fell on my forehead, and the cadence of his breathing made me want to fall asleep again. My leg was wrapped around his, and his hand was wrapped around my waist, resting on the small of my back. We had slept together often, but we'd never cuddled like that before. It didn't bother me.

Sean opened his eyes and focused his stare on my face. "Morning," he mumbled.

I yawned. "Good morning."

He didn't move his hand from my back. In fact, he pulled me closer to him, burying his face in the crook of my neck. "I don't want to get up."

I sighed. "Me neither."

"But I'm hungry."

I laughed. "So, is that your subtle way of asking me to cook breakfast while you go back to sleep?"

"Did it work?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Not even a little bit."

He sighed. "Damn."

"Come on," I said. "It'll be fun."

He made a disgusted face. "Cooking isn't fun. It's a girly job."

"Excuse me?" I asked, offended.

"I mean, it's manly," he said quickly. "I would be honored to cook with you."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine," I said. "I'll cook." I rose from the couch and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a carton of eggs. When I turned around, he was standing there.

He took the carton from my hands. "Allow me." He walked to the stove and started making the scrambled eggs. I brewed a pot of coffee and made the bacon and the pancakes. Working together, we made our meal quickly.

We sat at the kitchen table and ate our breakfast in silence.

After he shoveled the food into his mouth, he said, "You are an amazing cook, Scarlet. My eggs are pathetic."

"I think they are good, Sean." I took a bite and tried to hide the disgusted look on my face.

He laughed. "I'll get better," he said. "You've cooked for me so many times. I want to do it for you sometime."

I smiled. The gesture touched my heart. He never even offered that for Penelope. I wondered if getting over her was getting easier now that we were spending so much time together. I sincerely hoped that he hadn't thought about her for the past few days. I hated seeing him so miserable. After the way he protected me the night before, pushing that thug to the ground, I had even more respect for him. Penelope had a man that would do anything for her, sacrifice his life to protect her, and she didn't want him. I didn't know who she was sleeping with, but I knew he was a lesser man than Sean. Sometimes Sean could be vulgar and sarcastic, but he had a heart of gold. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for me. I considered telling him about my boss and how he was harassing me, but I knew the knowledge would send him to the brink with rage. Besides, I couldn't have my best friend fight all my battles for me, even though that seemed like the easier route.

"Do you want to go to the gym?" Sean asked.

If he was ready to start working out again, I knew he was improving. Even though I had absolutely no interest in going to the gym on a Saturday, I knew Sean needed it. "Sure."

"Good," he said. "You need to go."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Excuse me?"

"After all the popcorn you ate, your pants must not fit." He smiled at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Hey, guys like having a little something to grab."

He laughed. "That's true"

"Do you think I'm too chunky?"

He stared at me for a moment. "You are a fine woman, Scar," he said. "No man can tell you otherwise."

"Damn right."

He laughed. "Are you ready?"

"Just let me change." I walked into my bedroom and put on my spandex leggings, which made me look long and thin, in addition to making my ass look great. Then, I pulled on my sports bra and a slim fitting top. When I looked in the mirror, I nodded my head in approval.

Sean stared at me for a moment, but then turned his gaze away.

"Were you checking me out?" I asked.

He smiled. "Just your ass."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's go."

We went by Sean's apartment and he changed into his workout clothes then we headed to the gym. When we walked inside, Sean turned to me.

"I'm going to do weights."

"Okay," I said as I walked over to the cardio machines. I climbed onto a treadmill and started my run. I tried to do low intensity cardio for an hour, five days a week, to burn fat, and sometimes I did a few weights. When I looked up into the weight area, Sean was lying on a bench doing bench presses. He was holding a bar with a substantial amount of weight. His arms were shaking. The guy spotting him looked up at me and smiled. It was Dan, the guy that Sean often worked out with. He was tall and thin, fairly toned, and very good-looking. He had blond hair that contrasted against his blue eyes. He was a popular guy, even in a city of seven million people. He was still a bachelor, and that knowledge surprised me.

When I finished my workout, I walked to the water fountain and drank like a camel in the desert. When I pulled away, Dan was standing in front of me.

"Hey," he said, smiling at me. Beads of sweat were sprinkled on his chiseled physique. There were a few drops of sweat on his forehead, but he still looked as gorgeous as usual. "How was your workout?"

"Really good now that it's over."

He laughed. "That's a good attitude."

"How was yours?"

"Not so good," he said. He leaned closer to me and smiled. "It's not over yet."

I smiled. "I'm sorry to hear that."

He laughed again. "Let's meet up tomorrow," he said. "We can suffer through the torment together. Then we can grab a bite afterwards."

I felt my heart race in my chest. Dan was asking me out. I glanced over his shoulder and saw Sean using the cable machine. He wasn't looking toward us at all, focusing on his workout. I don't know why I immediately looked at him. I didn't feel threatened by Dan. He was a nice guy. Any girl would want him.

"Sorry, I'm busy tomorrow," I said. "I have a lot of work to do."

"That's fine," he said. "Let's go to dinner this week sometime. I would love to take you out."

I felt my hands sweat more than they already were. There was nothing wrong with Dan. I just didn't want to go out with him. I hadn't had a boyfriend in so long that I couldn't even remember that last time I had sex, but I knew it had been a long time—a really long time. "I'm sorry, I—I'm just really busy."

He tried to hide the disappointment on his face but I caught the look. He recovered quickly. "No problem," he said with a smile. "Perhaps another time." Without another word, he turned and walked away.

I felt like a complete bitch for turning him down, but I didn't know what else to do. I looked back at Sean and saw him wiping down the machine he was using. It seemed that he was done with his workout. He tossed the rag in the trash and walked towards me. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," I said.

"Alright," he said. "I'm going to shower before we go."

I wrinkled my nose. "You do smell."

He leaned in closer to me and smelled my neck. The proximity made me shiver. "You smell worse."

"I do not," I said. "Women don't smell."

"Well, then you aren't a woman." He laughed.

I tried to hit him on the shoulder but he avoided my blow. "Hey!"

"I'll see you soon," he said as he walked away.

A few minutes later, he emerged from the locker room and we left the gym. We walked to my apartment a few blocks down the road, moving through the crowds of people on the sidewalk.

"So, you shot him down?"

I raised my eyebrow. "What?"

"Dan," he said. "You rejected him."

"How did you know?"

"He told me."

I felt suspicion cloud over me. "Did you tell him to ask me out?"

He shook his head. "No, why would I do that?"

Now I felt stupid for asking.

Sean looked at me. "Why did you say no? He seems like a good guy."

I shrugged. "He isn't my type."

Sean never dropped his gaze. "And what is your type, Scar?"

I felt uncomfortable with these personal questions. I was never afraid to tell Sean anything, but for some reason this topic made me feel awkward. "I'm just not interested."

Sean continued to stare at me, but he said nothing more. When we arrived at my apartment, he stopped at my door. "I'm going to get ready at my place. I have to pick up my suit at the dry cleaners."

I stared at him for a moment. "Do you want me to go with you?"

He shook his head. "I have to get used to it, Scar." He looked down at the ground and avoided my gaze. Those past few days had helped him substantially, but I could still see Penelope's destruction. Sean was still a ghost of what he once was.

"Let me know if you change your mind."

"Will do."

I walked to him and hugged him tightly, wanting to chase away his depression. I hated seeing Sean so upset. It killed me. I wanted to harbor all his pain and make it disappear.

"Thanks for everything, Scar," he whispered. "I can't—talk to my boys the way I talk to you. They would never understand. They'd judge me for being so emotional and just tell me to fuck some chick and get over it."

"You never have to be strong for me," I said. "You're safe with me."

"I know." He rested his chin on top of my head and held me for a minute longer. "I'll see you soon," he whispered. He released his embrace and walked away.

"Sean?"

He turned around. "Hmm?"

"I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too, Scar."

10

Scarlet

I clipped the gold earrings onto my earlobes then checked my hair in the mirror one more time before I walked into the living room. I heard Sean open the door with his key earlier, and I knew he was sitting on the couch waiting for me so we could attend his charity gala for the office. The black satin dress I wore clung to the curves of my body perfectly and accentuated the curve of my breasts, making them jump out like a pop-up picture book. The gold bracelet my ex-boyfriend gave me reflected in the illumination of the bathroom light, and I deemed my appearance to be exceptional. I checked my makeup once more before I turned off the light and walked into the living room. Sean was wearing a traditional black suit and he looked up at me when I made my entrance, clearly mesmerized by my appearance, which made me smile. I loved having this effect on him. I never considered myself to be a bombshell. Whenever I was with Penelope, I always felt hideous. Knowing that Sean thought I was attractive helped my self-esteem. And his flattering comments helped too.

"You look nice," he said as he rose to his feet.

"Nice?"

"I mean pretty." He smiled.

"Try again."

He shook his head. "You look hot, sexy, alluring, etc. There, are you happy?"

"Yes." I smiled.

"How about me?" he asked as he gave me a smoldering look.

"You look fine."

"Fine?" he said as he impersonated my high-pitch voice.

"I mean handsome." I laughed.

"Try again."

"You look like a wild, sexy beast."

He nodded and ran his hands down his jacket. "I'll take it." Sean walked to the doorway and held the apartment door open for me. Then he locked the closed door with his own key, which was convenient because I didn't have to carry any keys in my small clutch.

"Thanks for coming with me," he said as we rode the elevator downstairs. "There's nothing worse than showing up to a party stag after you have just been dumped. It's good to show up with a hot girl to stop the pity-fest."

"They've met me before. They know we are just friends."

"Yeah, but it's still better than going alone."

"I suppose."

"You haven't invited me to any of your work parties." It wasn't a question, but a statement. I wasn't sure what he meant by the comment. Was he offended that I never invited him?

"What's your point?" I asked. We walked out of the elevator and headed through the lobby until we reached the open sky. "Why do you assume that I would only invite you?"

Sean waved down a cab. "Are you taking other dates to these work outings? I think I would remember you mentioning that." I still didn't understand where the conversation was going and almost felt interrogated.

"Well, no, I haven't."

"Why did you make a big deal then?"

"I just get irritated when people assume I'm not hot in the dating world."

"Well, are you?"

"No, not really," I admitted. I watched the lights of Manhattan stream by us as we headed to The Plaza Hotel. I didn't care for work outings, but I knew Sean cared about his reputation and his connections with his boss, wanting to stay in the loop in all the work functions.

"What's up with that?" he asked.

"I just haven't found someone I'm interested in."

"So you are waiting for the perfect guy?"

"No. Like I said, I just haven't found anyone I like."

"Well, don't you need to get laid?"

I hit him on the shoulder. "Don't be gross."

"I'm not," Sean said. "Women need it as much as men do. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It just seems like you haven't been with anyone in a while. Don't you, you know, miss it?"

"I guess," I said honestly. Since I hadn't been with anyone in so long, I did feel sexually frustrated at times. Having a partner would be nice in that respect.

"I can set you up with someone if you're interested. And don't worry, I'll pick someone that I approve of."

His words rubbed me the wrong way. The idea of being set up with one of Sean's colleagues at work, or a friend from his baseball league, made me uncomfortable. "No, thank you."

"Okay. Let me know if you change your mind."

"I won't," I said firmly.

The cab stopped in front of the hotel, and Sean opened the door and helped me out. We walked inside, and I marveled at the beauty of the room along with the cherry-colored wood of the tables in the lobby. Hundreds of people were crowded around, drinking from crystal glasses or chatting with one another. I saw a woman with a tight black dress similar to mine, but I liked the longer length of mine more.

Sean immediately walked to the bar and I walked alongside him. He ordered champagne for both of us.

"Wow. You recover quickly, huh?" A man wearing a dark blue suit came up to Sean and extended his hand. Sean shook his then returned his hand to his pocket. "Penelope broke up with you a few days ago and you've already found another hot babe." I saw the muscles in Sean's arm clench in annoyance at the man's words. I wasn't sure if it was because he referenced his recent ex-girlfriend, or the obscene way he referred to me, but I knew Sean was angry. The rude man didn't even introduce himself to me.

"Yes, it seems that way, Peter." Sean drank from his glass and said nothing more.

"So, what's your secret?" he asked. "Do you go to Eighth or Ninth Street?"

I grabbed Sean by the arm and squeezed him gently, silently reminding him that he was in a public place. The man harassing me was obviously intoxicated, and I knew Sean would throw a punch at any man who disrespected me. He proved it the other night. Sometimes he could be too protective. I felt the muscles in his arm relax after I squeezed him. "Come on," I whispered into his ear. "Let's go." I pulled him away and we left the drunken man standing there alone.

I could tell that Sean was regaining control of his emotions the further we walked away.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "I am just sorry that jackass talked to you like that."

"I'm not offended," I said. "The man is obviously too drunk to function."

"It seems that way."

Sean looked around the crowd and spotted his boss a few feet away. "I need to do some brown-nosing," he said. "My boss is a bit of a pervert and enjoys it when younger women flirt with him. Do you mind if I act like we are an item and you humor him? I'll understand if you are uncomfortable."

"Sure. That seems fair. I told a few people at work that you were my boyfriend."

"Why did you tell them that?"

"It's a long story, but it basically made me look good."

"That's fine," he said. "Now let's go over there."

Sean placed his palm on the small of my back and guided me over to his boss, Mr. Perkins, who stood with two other men. They all wore identical black suits, and each held a glass of amber-colored liquid. Sean wrapped his arm around my waist as we stopped in front of his boss. I smiled flirtatiously at the man and he smiled back at me.

"Hello, Mr. Perkins," Sean said as he outstretched his hand. "May I introduce my date for the evening, Scarlet?"

"Hello." I smiled as I extended my hand. Instead of shaking it, he brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. I continued to smile even though I was uncomfortable with the old man. The man had to be at least fifty. I saw the wedding band on his ring finger and felt even more nauseated. I had so many bad experiences with men that I was tired of putting up with them. Perhaps he was just trying to be sweet, but I was still on my guard.

"It's very lovely to meet you, dear," he said. He turned to Sean. "You know how to pick them, Sean."

"Yes, if only I was this good at the office."

Mr. Perkins laughed and so did the two men standing beside him. Sean addressed his other colleagues. "Hello, Stan," he said as he shook his hand. Then he turned to the other man. "Robert."

I shook hands with them as well. The one to the left, Stan, glanced down to my breasts, and I wanted to knee him in the groin, and then Robert gave me a sleazy smile. I was starting to think that all stock brokers and financial analysts were pigs. Sean was the only exception.

"So, Scarlet," Mr. Perkins said as he stared at me, eye fucking the crap out of me. "What do you do for a living?"

I couldn't believe I was doing this for Sean. I let my anger go when I realized he had warned me beforehand, so I was unjustified in being angry with him. "I'm a copy editor."

"Interesting," he said. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn't interested whatsoever. "And where do you work?"

The thing that I hate about social parties in the city is the unnecessary conversations. A lot of talk went down, but nothing important was ever said. I was certain this man would remember nothing about me after I walked away, other than my measurements. "I work for R and R publishing company."

"I see," he said. "Do you have any ambitions to be a writer?"

"Of course." I smiled.

"What are you working on?" he asked.

I smiled at him politely. "An author never reveals her first piece until it's copyrighted."

Mr. Perkins laughed. "I like her wit, Sean."

Sean nodded. "Yes, she can be entertaining." Sean looked over at me, and I knew he was grateful that I was putting up with their antics. I felt like a hooker.

Mr. Perkins finished his glass and handed it to the man next to him, not even looking at him while he did it. "Sean, come to the club with us. You play racquetball, don't you?"

"Yes," Sean answered. "But I doubt I'm a match for you, sir."

"We'll see," he said with a laugh. He turned to me. "I would love it if you would join us as well, Scarlet. We can do a couples game."

"I would like that very much." I lied. I would rather be at work, with my psycho boss, than spend any extra time with this disgusting creep.

"Good," he said as he clapped his hands together. "It's settled. Sean, I'll let you know a time next week."

"Very good, sir."

"And Scarlet, it was very nice to meet you." He reached out and grabbed my hand again. He didn't shake it or kiss it, but just held it in both of his hands. I had the urge to break his fingers, but I kept my anger in check.

"The pleasure was all mine, Mr. Perkins."

He walked away with his cronies trailing behind, striking up a conversation with some other unfortunate soul. Sean dropped his hand from around my waist and I drank the rest of my champagne. Then, I grabbed Sean's and emptied his glass too.

"Would you like another?" he asked.

"Many anothers," I said.

Sean looked at me for a moment. "Thank you so much, Scar. He has never invited me to do anything outside of work before. I'm really making progress at the company."

"We aren't really going to the club with him, right?"

Sean sighed. "I'm sorry, Scar, but...please. I have to go. I don't care for racquetball either, but I know not going isn't an option. Wouldn't you be elated if your boss asked you to spend time with him outside of work?"

I thought of Carl. "No, not in the least."

"Do you not like your boss?"

I didn't want to discuss it at his party. I knew how angry he would be when I told him the truth, and I wanted to spare him any more pain. Penelope's scars were still covering his body and even penetrated into his eyes. The knowledge would make him snap, and I wanted to protect him

"I'll do it once, but that's it. If he invites us to something else, I'm not going."

"That's fair," he said.

A waiter walked by with a tray of champagne and I grabbed two glasses, which were both for me, and I drank them immediately. Sean smiled as he watched me drink the alcohol like it was water. We stood together for a few moments until Brian, who Sean considered to be his friend, walked over to us.

"Hey," he said to Sean. "How are you doing, buddy?" Brian clapped him on the shoulder like Sean was a five-year-old, obviously pitying him because of his recent breakup. I didn't like the way Brian treated Sean, but I didn't comment on it. Sean would hear my opinion later. Brian turned to me. "Hello, Scarlet. Thanks for accompanying Sean to this banquet. He has been the talk of the office lately—the news of him and Penelope has spread like wildfire."

"And I wonder how that fire started," I said sarcastically. Sean glared at me but I didn't react to his hostile stare. Brian didn't seem to notice my subtle jab at him. "Actually, I asked Sean to bring me. I love these types of events." I wrapped my arm around Sean's and moved in closer to him, wanting to make him look like a stud in front of his colleague. For some reason, if his coworkers thought he had my affection, it wouldn't make him look so pathetic. I never understood the culture of men, but I knew I had to make Sean look good, which was why I wore such a tight dress and made my hair look so lustrous.

Brian took a drink of his champagne, his eyes narrowing at our touch. "I think these parties are a bit boring. It's like being at the office, really. Just brown-nosing in an informal way," he said.

"I couldn't agree more," Sean said.

Brian seemed to catch the eye of someone across the room because he looked over Sean's shoulder for a moment. "Well, have a good evening." Brian stared at me for a moment, looking at the curves of my body before he met my gaze once again. "Goodnight, Scarlet."

I nodded to him.

Brian walked away. Sean pulled his arm away and looked at me. "What do you think of him?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Are you interested in him?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

Sean shrugged. "He asks about you a lot—mainly your commitment status. I could set something up if you want."

His obsession with setting me up with someone was really irritating me. "I thought you would only arrange me with someone you approve of?"

"I do approve of him."

"Sean, Brian is a total douche."

Sean laughed at my words. "He's a good guy, Scarlet. The guy just acts weird around you because he has a crush on you. You know how that is. I saw you make an idiot out of yourself in front of that personal trainer years ago."

I laughed when I relived the memory. The personal trainer walked by my treadmill, and I dropped my iPod and almost crashed to the floor because I was staring at him so intently. The guy steadied me and slammed the stop button before I fell on the machine. "That's not the same thing, Sean."

"I think it is." He smiled.

Another waiter walked by and Sean grabbed a glass of champagne. He drank it quickly and placed the glass on a nearby empty table.

"So, you aren't interested?" he asked.

I stared at Sean for a moment. Frustration flooded my body as I thought about what he was asking me. I didn't want to be set up with someone—especially by him. I could get my own dates if I really wanted to.

"No."

Sean looked me like he was going to speak further on the subject, but remained silent after seeing the determined expression on my face. I could tell he was already a little buzzed from all the champagne we had. I could feel the effects already taking place on my body. My cheeks felt hot, and my legs felt weak. Sean stared around the room and then looked back at me. "You want to get out of here?"

"No," I said. "We can stay. I know you need to do your brown-nosing."

He smiled. "No, I think I've done enough of that. I've made my appearance and now I'm ready to leave." Sean headed through the crowd and I followed behind him until we were outside on the sidewalk. There was a group of gangbangers clustered outside the entrance that stared at me as we walked outside. Sean interposed himself between me and the thugs, hiding their view of me with his own body, and wrapped his arm around me possessively until we reached a cab.

Sean told the cab driver the address and we drove to a bar downtown. The bar was crowded with people on that Saturday night, so we both stood at the counter. A few men in the room glanced at me, but they tore their gaze away when they saw me standing next to Sean. It was nice having him there because I didn't have to worry about dealing with being hit on. We ordered drink after drink without saying anything. Eventually, I ordered a scotch and decided it was my last one. I was feeling pretty confused.

Sean could hold his liquor better than me, but I could tell he was feeling it by his sluggish movements and the red tint of his face.

"What's going on with you?" he asked suddenly. The comment came from nowhere and it startled me. Perhaps I was just buzzed. "I know you are concerned about Penelope dumping me, but you are acting weirder than normal."

I felt caught. There were a lot of things going on with me, and now I felt horrible for concealing so much from him. I was truly disturbed by the on-goings at work, and knew it would be a relief to discuss it with him. I told Sean everything.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before I spoke. "Well, my boss has been giving me a hard time. Basically, if I don't suck his cock, I'm going to lose my job. And if I go to human resources, they'll fire me because I have already been so much of a nuisance. Then Carl gave me that manuscript, hoping I wouldn't do it under the ridiculous deadline, and he would have a legitimate reason to fire me. But I can't just quit because I need to pay rent. Plus, I have a ton of student loans to pay."

Finally saying these words immediately relieved my stress. He was my best friend and I needed to confess the truth to him. I felt like I was lying by keeping something so big from him. I waited for him to respond, knowing his words would be full of anger, but he said nothing. I finally looked at him and realized he wasn't listening to me at all. His face was stretched into a look of despair mixed with rage as he stared across the room. I followed his gaze and saw what he saw. Penelope was kissing some guy in a booth. The guy, who was wearing an expensive suit and had a two hundred dollar haircut, had his hand up her dress, feeling her inner thighs. He had blond hair and blue eyes, the exact opposite of Sean's features. She was running her fingers through his hair, gasping when their lips broke apart. Penelope looked like she was thoroughly enjoying the man's touch, and I felt the betrayal ignite within me. I looked back at Sean, but he was still staring at her, not blinking. My heart severed in half when I saw the pain in his eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening. I wanted to help him but I didn't know how. I suspected Sean would march over there and attack the man Penelope was playing tonsil hockey with, but he didn't move and he didn't blink.

Penelope pulled her lips away and pressed her forehead against his, smiling at him. It was obvious how infatuated she was with the guy. She never looked at Sean like that, though I didn't understand why. While that man was handsome, I thought Sean was better looking than that guy, but then again, I'm biased.

They rose from their seats and approached the bar. Before I could look back at Sean, he grabbed my face and kissed me hard, running his hands through my hair and pulling me close to him. Initially, I was alarmed, but the alcohol lowered my inhibitions and I responded to his touch. His lips caressed mine and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I felt aroused at the feel of him. I had no idea Sean was such a good kisser. I let my hands roam over his body then run through the strands of his hair. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity, but I didn't know how much time had passed. I just knew I liked it.

Sean's hand glided down my back and I felt my body move at his touch, enjoying the feel of his hands on me. Confusion swept across my mind as I analyzed what was happening. I was kissing Sean and I didn't want to stop. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt the area between my thighs burn when I thought about doing other things with him. I never thought about him that way before, but now that I had, I realized how attracted I was to him. I wished that no one else was in the room, that he and I could just finish this kiss in private, seeing where it went. We had never done it before, never came close to it, but yet it was happening. I knew it was just a show to make Penelope jealous after what she had done to Sean, but I still let it happen. Sean finally pulled his lips away, but he didn't release his hold on me. He brought his lips to my ear and his words shattered my moment of passion.

"Is she watching?" he asked. He started kissing my neck as I looked around the room. The feel of his wet kiss made me shiver. I couldn't have cared less if Penelope was there, but I looked anyway. She was nowhere in sight. She must have left. I wondered if she had seen us, or is she was too obsessed with her new boyfriend to even notice Sean kissing me, his best friend.

I didn't pull away from him. "She isn't here, Sean."

He stopped kissing me and looked around the room. After realizing she really wasn't there, he turned back to the bar and ordered three shots of patron. I knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Let's go home," I said.

He didn't say anything and downed the shots quickly. I knew how angry and hurt he was. It was obvious just by looking at him. He had returned to the broken man I found the morning after the break up. We had made so much progress, but now we were back to square one. I was surprised that he didn't rip the man's throat out, but he was probably too shocked to respond. I grabbed his arm. "Come on, Sean. You've had enough."

"What a fucking whore," he snapped.

"I agree."

"And a fucking bitch."

"You are too good for her, Sean."

"Fuck yeah."

"Come on. Let's go." I pulled his arm gently, wanting him to come calmly and not make a scene. I knew how furious he was. I ran my hands down his back, and he sighed at my touch. Sean threw sixty dollars on the counter and walked away with me. We got into a cab and I told the driver my address.

When we arrived at my door a few minutes later, Sean fumbled with his keys for a few seconds before he got the door open. When we walked into the living room, he threw his wallet on the table then dropped his jacket on the couch. He grabbed a picture frame from the table, of him, me, and Penelope at Central Park, and smashed it against the wall. It broke into several pieces, scattering across the floor. He didn't clean up the mess. Sean walked into the bedroom and I followed him. It was one in the morning and I was tired.

He took off his clothes then got into bed. He stared at the ceiling for a while, saying nothing. I rummaged through my drawers, looking for something clean to wear to bed, and I felt him staring at me. I turned to him, and he didn't look away.

"I'm sorry, Scarlet." He sighed.

"It's okay," I said. I wasn't sure what he was referring to. The assholes at his charity gala, his violent behavior, or his unexpected kiss, but I would forgive him for any of those transgressions. He got out of bed and stood behind me, and I could feel him against my back. The warmth of his chest radiated onto my skin and I felt him press against me. His breath fell on my neck and I immediately felt my heart skip a beat. His lips brushed my hair and I felt myself melt.

I held my breath, unsure what he was going to do. We had never been in that position before, never been so close. After the kiss we shared, I didn't know what to expect. I felt Sean grab the zipper to the back of my dress and pull it down, opening the back of the satin.

My heart raced in my chest as my dress fell off my body. I stood there in my heels, wearing a thong and a matching black bra. His chest was against the skin of my back, warm and inviting but I wasn't certain of his intent. His lips caressed my neck and I didn't move, enjoying the feel of his wet mouth on my skin. His hands grabbed my waist and then slid up my back, stopping at my bra. He unclasped it and it fell to the floor, leaving my tits bare.

A part of me wanted this. I hadn't been with a man in so long, more than a year, and our earlier kiss elicited emotions within me that I hadn't felt in a long time. Sean was my friend, but for the first time, I didn't see him as only my friend. I wanted him in a sexual way too. Sean was the most respectable man I knew. I knew he was still buzzed, but I also knew he wouldn't take advantage of me or our friendship. If Sean intended to sleep with me, it was because he loved me and no other reason. After the past few days together, I realized that he did have feelings for me. The way he defended me at the restaurant and curled his body around mine while we slept convinced me of his true affection. When he suggested hooking me up with his friends, he was trying to gauge my feelings and determine if I felt the same way. There was no other explanation. Sean would never hurt me. He loved me, and I knew that I loved him. It's always been him.

"You're beautiful, Scar," he said as he grabbed my breasts and caressed them. My breathing increased as he squeezed me, and all logical thought ebbed away. I wanted him. I never wanted anyone so much in my life. He was my best friend and now he was my lover. There was no one better to end up with. He would be a loyal husband and a wonderful father. He would take care of me until I found another job, protecting me against my psycho boss. He would make love to me every night in a way that I deserved, worshipping me like the goddess that I was. I envied the way he treated Penelope, putting her on a pedestal, and I was excited to be treated the same way.

I turned around and kissed his lips and he responded with passion. He grabbed my face then glided his hands to my underwear, playing with the lace of the waistline. I wanted him to pull them off. Still kissing me, he guided me to the bed and lay on top of me. He pulled off my underwear and just looked at me, but I didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. Luckily, I had shaved that morning.

The muscles of his chest and stomach heightened my arousal and I knew I wanted him. Sean was good-looking with a powerful physique, but I had never fantasized about his naked body before. I wanted to know what was behind the curtain. I grabbed the rim of his shorts and pulled them down. I moaned at the sight. He was big.

I separated my legs and he leaned over me.

His hand grazed my thigh, inching closer to the area between my legs. My body tensed in excitement as I waited for his fingers to touch me. I was already wet and I wanted it—bad. He pressed his forehead against mine then inserted his fingers inside me. I immediately moaned. "Sean."

His thumb massaged my clitoris and it made me tremble. I opened my legs wider. He increased his ministrations and I started to scratch his back.

"Yeah, Sean. Fuck."

I was afraid that I wouldn't even last until we'd had intercourse. After I came, I would no longer feel aroused. That's how my experience with men had always been. A part of me was embarrassed that I was excited so quickly. I couldn't remember the last time I had sex.

"You are about to come," he whispered.

I bit my lip. "Yeah."

"Come for me, Scar. Come on." He inserted his fingers into me quicker, harder. His thumb circled my clitoris and made my heart flutter.

"Sean." I moaned. "Sean. Fuck, yes."

"I want to watch you come."

I dug my nails into his back as the orgasm built inside of me. It circulated in my veins and reached every nerve in my body. I knew it was going to be the biggest explosion I'd ever felt. I knew he was going to make me come so hard that I would scream.

"Sean, I'm coming."

"I know," he whispered.

It hit me like a nuclear bomb. "Oh my god, oh my god," I screamed. "Sean. Fuck, yes. Yes." He watched me as I threw my head back and rode every wave of the pleasure that rocked through me. "Sean."

He continued to rub my clitoris until my moment was completely gone. "I loved watching you."

I ran my fingers through his hair as I looked at him. He leaned over and licked the sweat from my breasts. The sight turned me on again.

"I want to make you come again," he whispered.

His words made my spine shiver.

He pinned my legs back then moved his cock right in front of my entrance. The feel of his head against my clitoris made me shake with anticipation. He rubbed it against me and I felt the fluid leak from his penis. I bit my tongue to stop myself from moaning uncontrollably. I wanted it desperately. I had never wanted to have sex that much in my life. Sean was amazing in bed. If only I had known about that sooner.

He kissed me gently and parted my lips with this tongue. When our lips broke, he moaned loudly, making me more charged than I already was. His hands glided in my hair and made me feel like I was the most beautiful thing in the world. I started to grow frustrated with anticipation. I wanted him to fuck me hard. I wanted him inside of me. Now.

"Sean," I cried. I grabbed his ass and pulled him closer to me.

He broke our kiss then looked into my eyes. "I'm going to give it to you, Scarlet."

"Yes, please."

He smiled at me then rested his forehead against mine. Then he slowly inserted himself into me. He was large, bigger than any other man I had ever been with, but I was so wet that there was no resistance. Sean moved slowly anyway. When he was entirely within me, I thought I was going to come right then and there. His massive girth stretched me and it felt so good. I immediately sighed at the feel of him. Why had we waited so long? What the hell was Penelope thinking? She had Sean to make love to every night but she didn't want him? Sean rocked me from above and I moved from below. It felt so good, so right, and I didn't know why I had waited this long. I gripped his back and moaned loudly. Sean smiled at me when he realized my enthusiasm.

He moaned. "Scar, you are so wet for me."

I couldn't even think clearly. "Yeah. Sean, you feel amazing."

"So do you."

My moans continued. It was such a blissful experience that my body couldn't take it all. I was shaking everywhere. "Harder."

"You want me to fuck you harder?"

I bit my lip. "Fuck me, Sean."

He pressed his forehead against mine then kissed me gently, parting my lips with his tongue. The pace of his thrusts increased and continued to stretch me wider. He reached all the way to my cervix, making me moan. Sex had never been that enjoyable. I couldn't believe that I could sheath his entire cock. I guess it was because I was so aroused by him. If I wasn't, that would have been extremely painful.

He kissed my neck then leaned farther over me, his balls hitting my entrance as he thrust into me. "You're about to come again."

"Yeah."

"Come for me, Scar."

"Yeah, Sean. Make me come.

"I will."

He pounded into me hard and fast.

I bit my lips. "I'm coming. I'm coming." The pleasure stretched across my mind and almost exploded my head. Somehow that orgasm was more enjoyable than the last one. I had never been more sated.

His thrusts decreased after I had my orgasm and he moved inside me gently. Since my body was so tender, the loving touch felt amazing.

Our love-making was perfect. I immediately climaxed to him yet again, whispering his name as he thrust within me. Penelope was stupid for leaving Sean. He was perfect. I could rarely get off when I had sex with other guys, always feeling aroused and unsatisfied, but that wasn't the case with Sean. I hadn't climaxed that many times with any guy.

We weren't fucking. We were making love, and I realized I had loved him the entire length of our friendship. He was the one I wanted and no one else. I knew in that moment that Sean felt the same way. He loved me. Now I understood why I couldn't date anyone else, and why I never gave anyone else a chance. It was because I wanted Sean. I always feared he wouldn't feel the same way, that I was his friend and nothing more. But now that I knew I was wrong, I was so happy he was mine. We belonged together. I only wished we hadn't taken so long to figure it out.

I grabbed his face and kissed him. "It's your turn."

He smiled. "You want another?"

"No, I want to watch you come for me."

He grabbed my hips and pounded into me hard. His eyes were locked on mine the entire time.

"Fuck me, Sean."

He moaned at my words. I scratched his back as he thrust into me.

"Come on."

His body tensed as the moment overcame him. "Fuck, yeah. Fuck, yes." He pounded into me harder as he came inside. "Fuck, Scar."

He didn't worry about protection because he knew I was on birth control, even though I wasn't sleeping with anyone. Then, he kissed me for several seconds before he pulled his cock out of me. As soon as he was gone, I missed him.

He lay beside me, and I wrapped my arms around him. I placed my head on his chest and closed my eyes. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't. I was too happy. I had never been more satisfied in my life. Now I had the boyfriend that I'd always dreamed of. He was my best friend and the best lover I ever had. Sean was the perfect man and I couldn't believe he was mine. I was sad that Penelope left Sean because it hurt him, but now I was ecstatic that it happened. I fell asleep for a few hours, but then my dream woke me up. I dreamt that Sean and I were making love, and I woke up to the feeling of my legs burning. There was sweat between my breasts.

Sean was still asleep, but I pulled down the sheets and moved towards him. I reached my hand down and stroked his limp cock. Within seconds, he was hard for me. I grabbed him and shoved him deep into my mouth, rubbing the skin with my tongue. I hated giving head, but with Sean it was different. I wanted to make him feel as good as I did.

"Scar," he whispered. He leaned his head back and moaned. His hands reached for my hair and he grasped the back of my neck, holding me possessively. I pushed him further down my throat. "Fuck." When I slid his dick from my mouth, I ran my tongue across the tip. He moaned louder. "You want more?"

I continued to lick his cock.

He grabbed my neck and pulled me back then pushed me on the bed. I felt my heart accelerate as he climbed on top of me. If any other guy was getting head, they would let the woman finish, but Sean wasn't like other men. He was in love with me and he wanted to please me first.

Sean grabbed my knees then opened my legs. I waited for him to move closer towards me, but he leaned down to my crotch. When I realized what he intended to do, I moaned. His tongue slipped inside of me and swirled around, pressing against my front wall. I clenched the bed sheets as he ignited a fire within me. With his hand, he rubbed my clit while he continued to kiss me below.

"Sean." I ran my fingers through his hair and pushed him further into me. "Yes."

He increased the pressure on my clitoris and it made me shake. He pulled away from my legs. "Come on. You are almost there." His tongue was back inside of me.

His words sent me over the edge and I came again, screaming his name as he licked everywhere. The pressure on my front wall just made me shatter. The pleasure made me sweat and a trail of it dripped down my chest. When I was done, he removed his mouth.

"Did you enjoy that?"

"Sean—I—oh."

He smiled. "I'll take that as a yes." He climbed on top me then placed my legs over his shoulders. My ass was lifted off the bed then he placed it on his thighs. I had never done it this way before, but I knew I would enjoy it.

As soon as he slid inside of me, I screamed. "Sean."

I felt his dick against my tender flesh again, and the orgasm was already building. "You're amazing."

"You're amazing," he whispered. "I enjoy fucking you because you are so fuckable."

I gripped his forearms while he pounded into me. I never felt so much pleasure in my life. The beginning of the orgasm was constantly hanging within my body, and it was about to ignite at any moment.

Sweat dripped down Sean's chest and I wiped it away with my hand. He closed his eyes as his body began to shake. I knew he was about to come.

"Sean."

He pounded into me harder. "I'm not going to last much longer," he said between heavy breaths. "Come on, Scar. Come for me."

I felt my body unhinge as the pleasure ripped through my body. "I'm coming, Sean. God yes!"

His thrusts increased as he came inside me. Seeing him empty himself within me made me come even harder. I leaned my head back and felt the emotion roll through me. When the moment had passed, Sean leaned over me and kissed me gently. "That should hold you off for the rest of the night."

I smiled. "It might."

He lay next to me and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling safe with him. I forgot about the drama at work, the horrible work party, and the heartbreak I had been carrying for so long. I was finally happy.

11

When I opened my eyes, I looked at Sean. He was still sleeping peacefully. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. He looked so different to me than he had in the past ten years. Now he belonged to me.

I leaned over him and kissed his lips gently. He opened one eye and looked at me. His lips were initially unresponsive, but then he responded to my kiss.

"Good morning," I whispered as I ran my hand up his chest. I could hear the happiness in my voice and it made me smile wider.

"Good morning." He smiled. He seemed to notice my elated joy. "Getting laid does wonders, doesn't it?"

I kissed him again. "Do you want breakfast?"

"That depends," he said. "What are you making?"

"Pancakes, bacon, and eggs."

"That sounds good," he said with a yawn.

I pulled a shirt from my drawer and put in on before I walked into the kitchen. I began cooking breakfast while I sang under my breath, shaking my hips to the music in my head. After everything was prepared, we sat down together and ate.

"I have to go to work today," I said after I drank my coffee. I didn't sleep very long, but I had never felt more rested.

"It's Sunday, Scar."

"I know." I sighed. "But I have another manuscript to work on."

"Your boss overworks you," he said in between bites of his food. The mention of my boss brought me back to the evening before. I finally told Sean about everything that was happening in my life, but he hadn't listened to a word I said, concentrating on the sight of Penelope across the room. I was a little hurt that he completely disregarded my troubles in light of the woman who didn't care about him at all, but I decided to let it go. Now that we were together, it didn't seem important.

"I should go," I said as I put my dishes in the sink. "I cooked, so you can clean."

"That sounds fair," he said.

I walked into my room, changed, and then went back into the kitchen. I leaned in and kissed him gently. He flinched slightly at my embrace, but he didn't pull away.

"I'll see you later," I said as I opened the door. "You are welcome to stay here until I get home."

"Okay," he said. "Bye, Scar."

I caught a cab and headed to the office, walking with a skip in my step as I advanced into the building. My makeup was old, still the same face from the night before, and my clothes were wrinkled from lying in a heap on the floor all night, but I didn't care. I never felt more beautiful.

It was going to be a good day. I just knew it. Most of the workers were gone from the office, including Carl, so I knew I could work in peace. I smiled at Janice when I walked to my desk, and she stared at me with a look of shock.

"You know it's Sunday, right?"

"Yes." I laughed.

"And you are here—at work."

"I'm not as stupid as I look," I said with a smile. I opened up the new manuscript I just received and began to work, knowing I had to not only meet deadlines, but exceed them, if I wanted to keep my job. Janice continued to stare at me, observing me for a moment. Her eyes lingered on my messy hair and the wrinkles in my clothes. She connected the dots.

"You got laid last night," she said. "You had a good fuck."

My grin stretched wider by its own force. I had never been happier—ever. Sean was everything to me. I don't know why I didn't pursue this earlier. We were perfect together in every way, almost like we were meant to be together. "Maybe," was all I said.

"What a slut." She laughed. "So, who was it?"

I was astounded that she didn't immediately assume it was Sean. Now that we were finally together, Janice actually believed I didn't have feelings for him. It was ironic but probably for the better because I didn't want to reveal the relationship between me and Sean just yet. I guess I didn't want to admit that she had been right the entire time. Now that I was high on happiness, I didn't want to let it slip away. "I'll never tell." I smiled.

"Is it someone I know? Carl?"

"Please tell me that was a joke," I said. "And no, you don't know him." I lied. I felt guilty for lying to my friend, especially after everything she did to help me the other night, but I wasn't ready to speak the truth.

"Can I meet him?"

"Yes, eventually."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Next time I get laid, I'm not telling you shit, Scarlet."

"Yes, you will," I teased. "You are the chatty one, not me."

"Coming from the woman who was almost fired for talking shit about her boss at work."

I laughed. "You do have a point there." I went on my Facebook account and changed my status to "in a relationship," the true sign that I was committed to someone. I turned my focus onto the manuscript and began to edit away, but my mind wandered to Sean every few minutes and I had to force myself to concentrate. I was excited to go home when I got off work. I wanted to make love again.

We worked in silence for several hours, both of us wanting to make the rest of the week less stressful by doing some work over the weekend.

"You know what I just realized?" Janice said suddenly.

"What?" I asked without looking away from my computer.

"I left my flash drive at your apartment, the one that I saved that manuscript on. It also has a few references I need for this book."

"I'm not finished here, but you can go by and get it. Sean is hanging out at my apartment so he'll let you in."

"Thanks," she said. "I can't believe I forgot it." She grabbed her purse and phone and stood up. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good one."

"Good night." I smiled.

12

Sean

I flipped through the channels on the television but didn't find anything to watch. Scarlet had recorded a nature show about the wild bears of North America, so I decided to watch that. I was wearing the slacks and shirt from my suit, but I left the tie and jacket in her bedroom. Sleeping alongside her helped me stay unconscious. Most of the night, I kept waking up from dreams about Penelope. Each time, I was practically crying in anguish, but Scarlet chased away my nightmares for the evening. Everything just seemed easier around her, more bearable.

I wasn't sure what I was thinking when I came onto her last night. Fear took a hold of me the next morning when I realized what had happened and that we actually slept together, but Scarlet's happy attitude chased away my anxiety and doubt. She enjoyed it just as much as I did. The way she grabbed my back, begging me to move within her faster and harder was such a turn on. I had no idea that I could be so sexually attracted to a woman that I had seen barf, throw a hissy fit, make a complete idiot of herself, and eat a hotdog off the ground. She was unbelievably sexy. Our one night stand was exactly what I needed. Now that she wasn't upset and understood exactly what it was, I didn't feel guilty at all. It was nice to have a friendly fuck with her.

We have never done anything like that before, and I have to say, I have absolutely no regrets about it. I think I needed it as much as she did, albeit for different reasons. The pain of Penelope still stung deep and the intimate connection with someone I felt so close to really eased the pain on my heart. The alcohol had manipulated my mind to a certain extent and I felt more aggressive than I normally did, and I think that lack of inhibition encouraged our behavior. Scarlet hadn't been with anyone else in a long time, so I was surprised how good in bed she was. I enjoyed every moment with her, but when I thought about doing it again, I immediately rejected the idea because of the implication on our friendship. I always thought Scarlet was beautiful and attractive, but I had never seen her in such a carnal and sexual way before. She could have whoever she wanted and I wasn't sure why she was single and had been unencumbered for so long. She obviously enjoyed sex. Why wasn't she having it on a regular basis?

When she kissed me before she left the apartment, I wasn't sure what to do. It was unexpected. But then I realized she was just riding the high of getting laid. I was happy that I had pleased her so well, and more importantly, that she wasn't mad at me. I knew Scarlet would understand what last night was, just a fuck and nothing more. Nothing negative would happen to our relationship, and I felt even more relaxed with the knowledge. I was still in love with Penelope, but last night made me realize that it was possible for me to get over her—in time.

A knock on the door made me flinch. It obviously wasn't Scarlet because she wouldn't knock on her own door. I got up from the couch and looked through the peep hole. It was Janice.

She smiled at me when I opened the door. "Hello, Sean."

"Hey, Janice," I said. "Scarlet is at work but I'll tell her you came by."

"Actually, I just need to pick up my flash drive. I left it here the other day."

I opened the door wider and let her in the room then I closed the door behind her. "Do you know where it is?"

"Yes," she said as she looked through the newspapers sitting on the kitchen table. After a moment, she found it buried in the rubble. "Here it is." She started to play with it in her fingers while she smiled at me. I thought she was going to leave, but she just stayed there, grinning at me. She was being playful and I wasn't sure why. Janice didn't make a move for the door and just stared at me for a moment.

"How are you?" she asked

"Fine," I said. I placed my hands in my pockets and shifted my weight. I had no intention of sharing my feelings with Janice, a woman I hardly knew. My deepest despair was reserved for Scarlet.

"Break ups can be hard," she said as she stepped closer to me. She touched my arm gently then dropped her palm. The slight touch unnerved me. It was so quick that it was almost unnoticeable.

I didn't know Scarlet told her about Penelope. It took a moment for me to recover from the revelation. "Yes," I said. "It's been—difficult."

"Well, it's her loss, Sean. You are quite a catch."

She smiled at me and I could see the lustful expression in her eyes. I had been hit on by women often, whether it was at the gym or a bar, and this woman was definitely coming onto me. Her smile and provocative stance told me everything I needed to know. She wanted it. I thought it was odd since she was Scarlet's friend, but then I rejected the idea. That would never stop Brian from sleeping with Scarlet. If she opened her legs to him, he would risk our friendship in a heartbeat. And to be honest, I wouldn't blame him.

I decided to be proactive about the situation. "I'm not ready to start dating." I thought being honest was the best route in that situation. I didn't want to make Scarlet's relationship with Janice awkward because of my actions. By saying the truth, that I wasn't looking for a relationship, I thought it would eliminate any confusion.

"That's fine." She grabbed my arm again. I could tell by the way she was touching me that she understood my meaning. "I assumed as much. According to Scarlet, you're a real mess."

"Well, I'm glad she's making me look good," I said sarcastically.

Janice laughed and stayed next to me. She leaned closer, inviting me to make the first move, but she was far enough away that I could back off. The ball was in my court and she was waiting for me to hit it back. Janice made it clear that this was only a one-night stand, and that intrigued me in a serious way. I did find her attractive with her long blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes, and I noticed the curve of her breasts the first time I saw her. Her legs were long and thin, and I wondered what they looked like under her dress. The arousal coursed through me as I thought about having sex with her. Eventually, the thought suffocated my mind, and all I wanted was to fuck her. I felt myself get hard at the idea of having sex with a woman who was practically a stranger. There was no possibility of getting hurt or my heart being shattered again.

I leaned in and kissed her, feeling her respond to me immediately. She was running her hands over my body quickly, feeling my abs and chest underneath my shirt. Her aggression and desire surprised me, fueling my arousal even more. I had never slept with two different women in such a short period of time and this would be a first. Since I was such an emotional wreck and felt innately lost and confused, I decided that this behavior was excusable. Besides, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was single.

Janice pulled off my shirt then undid my pants. Her enthusiasm excited me even more. This woman wanted me inside of her as soon as possible. She was practically begging me. I decided to move us into Scarlet's bedroom. A moment of hesitation occurred in my mind when I realized I was going to fuck her friend in her very own bed, but then the apprehension disappeared because I knew Scarlet wouldn't care. I lifted Janice and she wrapped her legs around my waist then I carried her into the bedroom, laying her on the top of Scarlet's bed. I stripped off our clothes and felt my naked body pressed against hers.

Her skin was flawless. She was definitely beautiful and fuckable. Her tone legs held me close begging me to enter her. My body shook at the thought. The idea of fucking someone I hardly knew was surprisingly arousing. I had been in a committed relationship so long that I forgot what it was like.

I hesitated when I thought of Scarlet again. "I don't want to ruin your friendship with Scarlet. I don't know how she'll take this." It took all my strength to pull away, knowing how wet she was for me.

She grabbed my cock and stroked it gently, making me gasp. "I asked her at least a hundred times," she said. "She doesn't have feelings for you. She won't care if we sleep together. Why would she?"

She had a point. If Scarlet attested to her best friend that she didn't have feelings for me, then sleeping with me shouldn't matter at all. This was a one-time thing. She probably wouldn't even find out anyway. I kissed Janice's neck then fondled her large and voluptuous breasts. As wrong as it was to compare Janice to my other partners, I noticed that she had the largest breasts, which turned me on immensely. Her nipples were large and I enjoyed sucking on the tips. Just the idea of tit fucking her made me even more hard. I wanted to get inside her, but I realized I couldn't without a condom. The only time I fucked women without protection was when I knew they were clean. I hardly knew Janice at all so I needed to find a condom. I didn't have one in my pocket. I moved towards Scarlet's nightstand and searched through her drawer until I found a packet, and then ripped off the material and handed it to Janice. With lust in her eyes, she rolled it onto my erection. Watching her cover my dick with the latex made me anxious to be inside her. I felt like a bronco coming out of the shoot for the first time.

I spread her legs and pinned them back, leaning far over her. I didn't press my lips to hers or touch her intimately. This wasn't romantic and I wasn't going to make it that way. I slammed my dick inside and pounded her with violent thrusts. As soon as I was inside of her, I wanted to come, but I controlled myself so she could get off. Her pussy was starting to contract and I knew she was reaching her climax soon. She started yelling my name, screaming it, really.

"Fuck me harder." She scratched her nails down my back and practically drew blood.

Her request almost made me lose it. It was hot that she liked it rough. I increased my pace and she rolled her head back, biting her lip in pure pleasure. "You like that?"

"Fuck yeah." She moaned. Her body tightened under me and I knew she was about to explode. She grabbed my ass and pulled me further into her. "Yeah, like that," she cried. "Don't stop." Her cries of pleasure snapped the last of my restraint. I always tried to please my partners as much as possible before I let myself fall into the abyss of an orgasm. Last night, I made sure Scarlet came five times because I knew she hadn't been satisfied in a while. Now that Janice was finished, I let myself go, feeling my moment of bliss. The whole thing happened so fast, I barely lasted until she got off. She lay beside me and smiled, clearly pleased with my performance. Janice rose from the bed and put on my shirt while I continued to rest there.

"That was fun," she said with a smile.

"I'm glad I could be of service to you. I just hope Scarlet doesn't mind."

"I asked her a million times if she had feelings for you and she always said no. She won't care."

"No," I said. "I meant about her sheets. I'll have to wash them."

Janice made a disgusted face. "Yes, we definitely need to throw those in the washer."

I laughed then rose from the bed. "I'm going to shower," I said. "Are you going to hang around for a while?"

"If you don't mind." She smiled. "I'll get Scarlet's sheets in the wash."

I walked to the bathroom, and before I closed the door, I turned to her. "Thanks."

"For what?" she asked. "For the fuck or the sheets?"

I smiled at her. "Both."

13

Scarlet

After several hours, I was the only person left in the building. Now that I was working so many extra hours, I realized how underpaid I was. I forced the thought to the back of my mind and continued to work. Around five thirty, I heard the door to the office open. I assumed the janitor was coming in, but it was Carl who walked into the office. I immediately felt my heart sink. I was completely alone with this man and there were no cameras in that room. I reached for my cell phone, but stopped when I saw him notice me. He walked towards my desk. Without thinking, I dialed Sean's number and let it ring until it went to voice mail. Panic set in and I called him again. I placed the phone on the table, still ringing, while Carl approached my desk.

"What are you doing here, Scarlet?" he asked. The smile on his face was grotesque, and I felt my palms sweat in unease. Sean insisted that I get a taser, and when I refused, he bought me one anyway, but I left it at home. I wished I had it with me then.

"I'm working," I said. I turned back to the computer and ignored him. I wondered if my call went straight to voice mail or if Sean had answered. Either way, he could track my location through my cell phone and come to me if he heard anything happen. I prayed that he was listening.

"Well, that's very admirable," he said with a sweet voice. His behavior was so different and sporadic that I didn't know what to think. I wished he would start yelling at me again, acting like he usually did. That sinister speech was scaring me even more. "You know what you could do to avoid all of this?" he asked. "Perhaps even become the new Junior Editor."

Fuck. This cannot be happening. "Cecilia holds that position," I said. "And she does a great job."

"Well," he said, "I could always move her."

"I'm not interested, but thank you. I'm happy where I am."

"I'm not." His voice suddenly turned angry. "Give me what I want and I'll let you keep your job."

"I am doing what you want. My job."

Carl leaned against my desk and I immediately moved away. I thought about where all my belongings were if I had to grab them and flee. My purse was on the desk and my phone was right in front of me. I just had to get around him. My heart sank at the impossibility. I was totally blocked in.

"I will give you one more chance, Scarlet," he said as he unzipped his pants. "I have wanted you since the day I hired you." He pulled out his dick and pointed it at me. I didn't glance at it, keeping my gaze averted. I'd never felt more terrified in my life. I didn't think he would kill me if I resisted, but I had no doubt that he would rape me and I would be powerless to stop him. I wouldn't be able to press charges against him because of my record here, and there were no witnesses to the event. I wished in that moment I had just quit my job when I had the chance. I just wanted to be at home with Sean, curled up on the couch watching television. Or better yet, I wished Sean was there so he could kill that piece of shit.

Carl grabbed the back of my neck and I flinched at the touch. I felt his gaze sink into me with carnal longing. I'd never felt more humiliated and violated in my life. I wanted to die. I wished Sean was there. He would kill that fucker without hesitation. Carl shoved his dick into my face, but I pulled away. He squeezed my hair and pulled my scalp, ripping some strands off my head, and yanking my face towards his cock. I felt the skin of his penis on my face. I pushed him away but he held me steady.

"Get off me, asshole!"

"Just do it, Scarlet. Suck my cock or I promise you'll regret it."

I tried to push him away, but he slapped me hard across the face. He grabbed my face with both hands. "Open your mouth now," he commanded.

I couldn't believe it was happening. It had started out as the best day of my life but quickly turned to the worst. I could just give him head and get it over with then leave the building and never return, but I refused to do it. I wasn't going to. I punched him in the dick as hard as I could. He grabbed his stomach and bent over in pain, shouting profanities as he found his bearings. I grabbed my purse and phone then ran for it.

I heard Carl follow me a second later. I ditched the elevator and ran down the stairwell, hoping I could outrun him since Carl was a fat, middle-aged man. I finally reached the main lobby, which was deserted, and I heard him following behind me. He was walking, aware of the cameras in the main room of the building. I knew I had to run as fast as I could once I was out of the building because he could chase me down once we were outside. I made it out the front door and flagged down a cab. I threw my body into the backseat and turned to the driver. "GO NOW! JUST DRIVE! JUST FUCKING DRIVE!" The driver pushed the gas pedal and left.

I saw Carl standing on the corner, watching my cab drive away into the city. I knew I could never escape from him. He would find me eventually.

I told the driver the address to my apartment, and when I finally arrived, I swallowed back the tears, not wanting to frighten Sean as soon as I walked in the room.

When I reached my door, I inserted my keys into the lock but dropped them, too anxious to collapse into his arms. When the door finally opened, my heart fell. Janice was standing in my apartment, smiling as she looked at me. She was wearing one of my shirts with only her underwear on. It was obvious what had transpired between them but I was confused. I didn't understand what was going on.

"Where's Sean?" I asked. I could barely hold back my tears. Janice immediately knew something terrible had happened.

"Are you okay?" she asked. She reached for me, but I stepped back. I covered my face with my hands, trying to hide my trembling lip and shield the tears on my face from view. "What happened, Scarlet?"

"Where's Sean?" I whispered through my tears.

"He's in the shower," she said quickly. "Come in, Scarlet. Don't stay out in the hallway."

"No," I said as I shook my head. "This is where I belong." I turned and left, walking away from the scene that broke my heart. I ran through the hallway and down the stairs, running from someone who wasn't chasing me. When I got to the street, I realized I had nowhere to go. I was lost.

I only had a few hundred dollars in my checking account, so I headed down the street toward the cheapest hotel I could find. I walked in the darkness for a long time, not paying attention to anything going on around me as I headed to my destination. I saw the motel lights in the distance when I felt a hand grab my arm and push me into an alley. I immediately feared Carl had found me, but when I looked into the face of my attacker, I realized it was a complete stranger that held the point of a blade against my throat. He took my purse off my shoulder, and I didn't stop him. I watched as he ran down the street, leaving me unscathed. Luckily, I had my phone and my clutch in my jacket pocket, which contained most of my belongings anyway, but the traumatic event scared me to death. I stood still on the street, unsure that it really happened. I could feel the cold steel of the knife when he held it against my throat and it was sinking into me; I had hit rock bottom.

I finally checked into the hotel and lay on the bed even though I knew I couldn't sleep. I grabbed my phone and turned it off, not wanting to speak to anyone in the entire world at that moment. The crime from the streets drifted through the walls and I could hear the drug deals transpiring outside my window, along with the sounds of police sirens echoing across the city. The sound of a glass bottle shattering from the room next to mine startled me, and I hugged my knees to my chest, afraid of the violence surrounding me. I couldn't go back to my own apartment because I couldn't get the image of Sean and Janice out of my mind. Just the idea of them fucking on my own bed made we want to gag. Sean had just made love to me on those sheets less than twenty four hours ago. I couldn't go back there. Not now, at least.

The recent events fell on me like a heavy weight and I really, truly wanted to die. Sean had betrayed me. We had only been together for a few hours when he slept with one of my closest friends. Why did he do that to me? I didn't know if I had misread his feelings and intentions, but I had assumed he would never use me, his best friend, but he did. I finally realized how Sean felt. Penelope didn't care about him at all, and even though she hurt him irrevocably, he still loved her, and that was exactly how I felt about him. When I reflected on our past, I realized I had always been there for him. Whether I was ironing his clothes or pardoning his wrongs, I was always on his side. Even while he completely ignored me when I confided my problems. In that moment, I realized that he never loved me. I was just a convenient fuck.

The truth was too much to bear. I closed my eyes and forced myself to think about something else, anything else. I knew I had to run, get away from that miserable city and the people who only hurt me there. I deserved better than that. I had to get out.

14

When the sun rose over the city of Manhattan, I decided it was okay to return to my apartment, assuming Sean and Janice would have left for work. I took a cab across the city, and when I went inside my room, I looked around, making sure I was alone. After I slammed the door behind me, Sean sat up on the couch and walked towards me as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He was in the same suit he had been wearing for the past two days. It was covered in wrinkles.

"Where the fuck have you been, Scarlet?"

I jumped and dropped my keys on the ground at the sound of Sean's hostile voice. He had been sleeping on the couch, unable to be seen from the doorway, and now he approached me with a look of anger mixed with fear on his face.

I stared at him for a moment and felt sick. Just imagining him with Janice made me want to vomit. I felt betrayed and hurt. I looked away from him. "I went to a cheap hotel."

I saw Sean's body tighten in anger. "You went to a sleazy hotel in the city? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell is going on? Why are you so upset?" I turned away and ignored him. He grabbed my arms and steadied me. "Are you alright, Scarlet? I listened to the voice mail you left me. Why were you yelling?"

I pulled away from his grasp. He released me and watched me for a moment.

"Scarlet, say something," he said. "I've never been more frightened in my whole life."

"Don't even pretend that you care about me, Sean. You made it clear that you don't."

"Excuse me?" he said in an offended voice. "What are you talking about?"

"I want you to leave, Sean. Give me back my key and get the fuck out."

"What did I do?"

"Are you being serious?" I asked. "You cheated on me and fucked my friend. How stupid are you?"

"Cheated on you?" he asked. "Scarlet, I thought... I assumed that night was...a purely physical thing." He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. Sean avoided my gaze and looked away. "I didn't know that it meant something to you."

"Fuck you, Sean. Why the hell would you assume that?"

"Well, for one, I'm still hooked on Penelope, in case you hadn't noticed. Pull your head out of your ass, Scarlet, and stop being an idiot. You remember her, right?" he said sarcastically. "The woman I was going to propose to? The same woman who just broke my heart? Why would I just fall into another relationship with you? I thought you were smarter than that, Scar."

I shook my head. "We've been through breakups before, but this has never happened. We've never slept together and you initiated everything, Sean—everything. I'm sorry if I assumed, without a doubt, that my best friend would never use me like that, that he would only make love to me because he loved me and no other reason." I stepped away from him and wiped away the tears that began to fall. "I can't believe you used me like that, Sean. I feel so stupid." I felt the tears bubble under my eyes. "Then why did it happen? Why did you initiate it?"

Sean finally looked at me. "I don't know. I...when I kissed you I got...horny, I guess. And I've always been attracted to you. I hadn't had sex in a while and I knew you hadn't either."

"So, now we're friends with benefits? You ruined our friendship because you wanted to get fucked?"

"Shut up," he snapped. "It wasn't like that. You wanted it as much as I did. In my defense, I was a little drunk, but you were completely sober, Scarlet. You knew exactly what you were doing. Don't blame me for this. You could have stopped it whenever you wanted it to end."

"Whatever, Sean." I felt the tears fall from my eyes. I turned around to hide my face, which I had never done before, and crossed my arms over my body.

"I didn't use you, Scarlet." His voice was gentle. The earlier harshness of his voice evaporated at the sight of my tears. He came closer to me, but he didn't touch me. "I'm sorry, Scar. I didn't mean to hurt you. I had no idea that you felt—this way."

"I told you I loved you," I whispered. "You should have known."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did," I snapped. "I may not have said those exact words, but it was obvious in every other way. I made love to you, I kissed you, and I held you in my arms while we slept. I haven't dated anyone in a year and I have been at your beck and call whenever you needed me. I feel so stupid now."

Sean didn't say anything for a while. He put his hands in his pockets and sighed. "How long have you felt this way?"

I sighed. "I don't know. Since the other day," I said. "Or for always, I guess. I don't know, Sean. All I know is that I love you and I thought you loved me, too. I thought we belonged together, but I guess you don't agree."

"Scar, I love you, too."

"No, you don't. Not in the way that I do."

Sean put his hands on my shoulders and I didn't move away. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't realize you felt this way. If I had known, I never would have let that happen. You know that, Scar. This was obviously just a huge misunderstanding." He rubbed my shoulders and then my back, trying to calm me, but it wasn't working whatsoever.

"Sean, I can look past this and move on, but there is something I can't let go."

"What?" he asked quietly. I could hear the fear in his voice. I moved away from him and faced him, not letting him touch me.

"You weren't there for me when I needed you, and now when I think about it, you never have been."

"What are you talking about?"

"I told you about my psychotic boss but you didn't listen to a fucking word I said."

"When?" he asked.

"At the bar—when you saw Penelope. You abandoned your best friend for a woman who doesn't even care about you, Sean. She couldn't give a shit about you. I needed you and you weren't there for me."

Sean shook his head. "I'm sorry, Scarlet, but that was just one instance. I have been there for you for everything else."

"You risked our friendship just so you could get laid, disregarding my feelings entirely, and then you slept with my friend the very next day."

"It didn't mean anything, Scarlet."

"So, I didn't mean anything either?" Sean said nothing to my comment, clearly uncomfortable by the association. "Then why didn't you sleep with me again instead? Was I not good enough for you?" The tears fell down my face and I felt weak and pathetic. I tried to hide my face and Sean reached for my hands, but I pushed him back with a shove. "Don't touch me."

"It isn't like that. It just happened, that's it. She came on to me—and—I reciprocated. Just like any single man would."

"Fuck you, Sean."

"Fuck you, Scarlet. I said I was sorry." I saw the anger in his eyes and knew how upset he felt. "It isn't my fault that you didn't tell me what was going on with you. You could have told me at any other time and I would have listened—your timing just sucks. And I'm not a fucking mind reader. How was I supposed to know what you were feeling? You always tell me your thoughts, Scar. It's one of the things I like about you so much. Janice finally told me what was happening to you at work. Janice, not you. And I listened to that voice mail and I couldn't make anything out, but I did hear you yelling. Tell me what happened."

"No," I said as I shook my head.

"Tell me, Scarlet. I swear to god, I will fucking rip that fucker's head off if he touched you. Don't doubt me. You don't deserve to be treated like that and you aren't working there anymore. You can live with me until you find another job. I'll take care of you, Scarlet."

"No."

"No, what?"

"I want nothing from you."

"Don't be like this, Scarlet. You are behaving like an annoying brat. I apologized for everything and I wish I had listened to you before. I admit what I did was wrong, and that's the most you are getting out of me. Janice said you specifically said, on numerous occasions, you had absolutely no feelings for me. Of course I wouldn't have fucked her if I had known how you, my best friend, felt. I love you, Scarlet and I know you need me right now. Now let me fucking take care of you."

"I want you to leave."

"No."

"Yes. I want nothing to do with you."

"What?"

"I said go."

"Are you ending this with me?"

"You already did, Sean. I obviously don't mean anything to you. You crossed a line you can never uncross. You slept with me and made me believe that you loved me. After everything I have done for you, this is how you treat me? I don't want to see you anymore."

"Stop this now."

"I mean it, Sean. I held everything back because I knew how broken you already were and I didn't want to make things worse. I kept secrets from you even though it killed me."

Sean's eyes widened. "What secrets?"

"You don't want to know."

He came closer to me. "Tell me, Scarlet."

I knew I had to tell him eventually. Sean had the right to know. I was hoping I could tell him later, when his pain wasn't so raw. "Penelope left you for someone else. She has been cheating on you for the past few months. I didn't tell you because I wanted to protect you."

Sean took a step back and his eyes widened in shock. His body shook with the fury in his veins. He closed his eyes and breathed for a few moments before he spoke. I had no idea what he was going to say.

"It is one thing to keep your personal secrets from me, since they are rightfully yours, even though you should still confide in me about something as huge as your boss harassing you and threatening to fire you if you don't give him head, but to keep this from me is inexcusable. How could you do this to me, Scarlet? You had no right keeping something like that from me! Fuck you, Scarlet! Fuck you! This is way worse than what I did to you! You're such a goddamn hypocrite."

I looked away from him and said nothing. I didn't know what to do. Sean had hurt me so much and he didn't even realize it. I hated hurting him, hated what we had become, but I needed to be away from him. I didn't even want to look at him. He loved Penelope and he would never love me in that way. He just used me to get off, and then he used my friend to do the same. Sean treated me like a complete stranger, like someone he didn't value whatsoever. I thought I was special. I guess I was wrong. I didn't feel comfortable telling him what had just happened to me, having Carl's dick shoved in my face and being mugged in an alleyway, so I kept it to myself. Even though I wanted to confide in him, I no longer trusted him. The man broke my heart.

"I never want to speak to you again, Sean," I said. "I want you to leave."

He stared at me for a moment. "Scarlet, I will forgive you if you forgive me. I admit that what I did was wrong and I wasn't thinking clearly, but you are just as wrong in this situation. You never should have assumed that I was committed to you, especially since you never told me how you felt. Penelope just dumped me. How could you possibly think I was ready to love someone else? And how could you keep something so important from me? If I had known she was cheating on me this entire time, I wouldn't have been so depressed about the break up. Clearly, she's a whore. Scarlet, you mean everything to me. I don't want to lose you. You know I would never hurt you on purpose. We can move past this and work on our friendship, but this is the last chance. If you tell me to walk out that door and never speak to you again, I will do it. I feel just as betrayed as you do. It would be easy to forget about each other and move on, and I would rather not, so please reconsider. If you don't, and you still want me to go, I will do as you ask and never speak to you again—if that's what you really want."

A few silent moments rippled through the air. The emotions of my heart steered the thoughts of my mind and I finally found my answer. "I want you to leave."

"Goodbye, Scarlet." Sean tossed my key on the table and left.

15

I didn't bother formally quitting my job at R and R. I just didn't show up. I received a few phone calls from Janice and the human resources department, but I didn't bother answering them. They could all go fuck themselves for all I cared.

I packed my bags and all my essentials, and headed to JFK Airport. I wasn't going to finish my lease and I hoped my bedroom set would get my landlord some cash since I was basically screwing him over. I checked my phone every hour, wondering if I missed a call or message from Sean, but he kept his word and never contacted me.

When I was on the plane, I looked out the window and saw the skyscrapers in the distance, wondering if I could see the building that housed R and R Publishing. I realized I was never going to return to New York City—ever. That was my final goodbye. The plane took off and my final glimpse of New York disappeared—there was no turning back.

The night lights of Seattle caught my attention six hours later and I immediately recalled my memories of home. My brother and I grew up in Seattle. For college, I left for Boston, but my brother remained there, becoming a successful tattoo artist in downtown Seattle. My brother, Ryan, had no idea I was coming, and I hoped he didn't mind me crashing with him. A part of me felt guilty for not telling Sean where I was going but I stayed strong. It would probably be several months before he found out that I'd moved away from the city. By then, I would be settled in Seattle, forgetting about him with the passing of every day. I wondered how long it would take for him to forget about me.

The rain pelted the roof of the cab. I rolled down the window and inhaled the damp smell, the scent of home. Even though it was June, it was pouring down rain, but it was a nice reprieve from the damp humidity of New York City, and I enjoyed the fresh scent of the air. The smell of pine cones and salt filled my nostrils. The car stopped in front of Ryan's building. I carried all my stuff to the elevator and finally to his apartment.

I banged my fist on his door, and after a few minutes, he opened it. His mouth was stretched into a wide smile, and his blue eyes were sparkling with excitement and surprise.

"Scarlet?" he cried.

I grinned back at my brother. His smile was infectious. He walked through the doorway and hugged me tightly, holding me in his arms. I returned his embrace and didn't let go for a long time. I finally felt safe. I had successfully run away from everything that hurt me. My brother was tall at the height of six feet and two inches, and his body was thick with muscles that made me feel innately safe. He finally pulled away and looked at me with blue eyes that were identical to my own. The brown of his hair was also the same as mine, but it was short, barely an inch long.

Ryan looked at the bags on his doorstep then turned back to me. "Planning on staying for a while?" he asked with a smile.

I felt my cheeks blush. "If you don't mind," I said.

Ryan studied my features and I knew he saw the despair in my eyes, but he didn't press me for information, which I was thankful for. "You are always welcome here, Scarlet—always. You never have to worry about that." I understood the underlying meaning of his words, and the message made my smile falter. Ryan grabbed all my bags and carried them into the spare bedroom down the hall. The room was small and contained a queen sized bed and one dresser. It wasn't much, but it was enough. "You can make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you, Ryan."

He smiled at me. "Of course. What are big brothers for?"

"Everything," I teased.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. He leaned against the doorway as he watched me sit on the bed. "We should go to Mega-Shake."

That sounded absolutely amazing. The food served on the plane was disgusting. But then I realized I had no money, not even a single dollar to my name. I had spent everything I had on my plane ticket back to Seattle, back to my brother, my safe haven. "I'm a little short on cash, Ryan. Can we eat here?"

"I got you, Scarlet," he said as he walked down the hallway. "Let's go. I really want a burger."

I followed him down the hall and we left out the front door. We took a cab to the burger joint down the street then slipped inside, out of the pouring rain that was flooding the streets of Seattle. Ryan ordered our food and we sat down. I looked past him and out the rain-streaked window. People cowered under umbrellas as they waved down cabs, or hid their faces in the hoods of their jackets. I wished I was standing out in the rain, letting my past wash off me.

Ryan and I ate our food in silence, though I practically inhaled my meal because I was so famished. I caught my brother looking at me with a smile on his face.

"So, do you want to talk about it now or wait until later?" he asked.

"Do we have to discuss it at all?"

"I guess not," he said. "But if you are going to stay with me, I would like to know why you're here and what you plan to do."

"That's fair," I said.

"Well?"

"I just had to leave New York and my job, my life, everything."

"What did he do?"

"Excuse me?"

"This boyfriend of yours—the one you are running from—what did he do to you?"

"I never mentioned a man, Ryan."

"I can't think of anything else that would make you run across the country. There's no exam, obstacle, or challenge that my brainy sister, Harvard alumni, can't handle. Therefore, a dick must be involved."

"Well, there were a lot of reasons," I said. "I hated my boss—he was a perverted asshole that said if I didn't give him a blow job, he was going to make my life hell. Then, I got mugged and my friend betrayed me. Honestly, I just needed to leave. I don't belong there anymore."

"What about Sean?"

My heart raced at the sound of his name. "What about him?"

"Does he know you are here?"

"No," I said.

He sighed loudly and rubbed his temple. "So he's the one that chased you away. You guys have been friends forever. What did he do? Sean is an awesome guy."

"It's a long story."

"Well, I have all the time in the world for my baby sister."

I smiled at him, appreciating his wing of protection over me. Our relationship had always been simple and unforced. I always felt like I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me or tattle on me to our parents. He always listened without comment and gave the best advice. It still surprised me that he ended up as a tattoo artist. He could have been anything he wanted.

"Well, Sean's girlfriend, Penelope, dumped him a few weeks ago. And long story short, we slept together, and I realized I loved him and I thought we were together. Obviously, he didn't think so, because I caught him with another woman. The sex we had meant nothing to him."

"Please tell me you talked to him before you left New York."

"Yes," I said.

"And you couldn't work it out?"

I thought about how I told Sean I never wanted to see him again. His betrayal was too raw and painful, and now that I know I love him so much, I can't be around him. I can't see him every day and not have feelings for him. I'll never go on dates and I'll never find anyone if I'm still in love with him. Yes, leaving was for the best. "No," I said finally. "It's too hard to see him every day. I can't be friends with a man that I'm in love with but that will never love me."

"Well, I sincerely hope that changes. You two have been friends for a very long time. What a waste to throw that all away."

"I suppose," I said. "But it will never change. He said he would never speak to me and I won't ever speak to him. This is how it should be."

"Now that you are on the other side of the country, as far away as you can possibly be, maybe you can move on now."

"I hope so."

I stared at my brother for a moment. He looked the same since the last time I saw him, which was about a year earlier. I hadn't come home for the holidays because I didn't have time, and he couldn't leave Seattle because of the tattoo shop he owned. We spoke on the phone sometimes and even texted each other on rare occasions, but those attempts of communication had dwindled significantly over the year. When he did reach out to me, I would usually forget to call him back or respond to his texts. By the time I remembered, I'd forget again, getting caught up in something else. My brother and I were very close and I felt guilty for not contacting him more often. I totally ignored him when he tried to talk to me and now I felt like a horrible person. I loved my brother, I really did. I couldn't believe that he took me in without hesitation. If it were me, I would have given him a hard time first.

"How have you been?" I asked.

Ryan met my gaze. "Fine," he said. "The shop is doing okay. I've just been hanging out with friends."

I appraised his body, but I couldn't see his skin because he was wearing a sweater and jeans. "Do you have any tattoos yet?"

Ryan laughed. "No," he said. "Nothing speaks to me. I don't want to get anything permanently inked onto my skin unless it is profound and meaningful."

"That's odd," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"You are a tattoo artist without any tattoos."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess," he said. "But I love the artwork and love seeing tattoos on other people. I just haven't found the right one for myself yet."

I smiled at him. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"A few people—nothing serious."

"A few people?" I asked incredulously.

"Just some casual relationships," he said. "I hope you don't mind seeing a few women back at the apartment."

I shook my head. "I don't intend to intrude on your life, Ryan."

"I know," he said. "I'm just letting you know."

"So, are you having casual sex?" I asked.

"Yes."

The information didn't bother me or make me uncomfortable at all. Ryan and I have always been open with our personal relationships in a unique way. Some people say it's odd how invested we are in each other's personal affairs, but with our past I didn't think it was unusual. Ryan isn't only my brother, but he was my best friend and guardian when I was growing up. I feel comfortable telling him anything. I would never judge him and he would never judge me.

"You must be looking for something serious," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"You are thirty, Ryan," I said. "Aren't you looking for a life partner?"

He sighed. "I've looked, Scarlet, and I haven't found anyone."

I nodded. I knew exactly how he felt. I hadn't been in a serious relationship—ever. I considered Sean to be my longest relationship even though it was a platonic one. The thought of him made my heart squeeze painfully. "At least we have each other." I laughed.

"Yes," he said. "At least."

I leaned back in my chair and looked at him. "I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch more."

Ryan nodded. "It's fine," he said. I could tell by his dismissive attitude that the topic made him uncomfortable. We sat together for a while longer before he stood up from his chair. "Now it's time for the best part," he said with an excited voice. "The Mega Shake! You want chocolate, right?"

"Yes." I laughed. Ryan and I used to come to Mega-Shake after school and get shakes before we walked home. The fact that he still remembered made me smile.

"That's what I'm going to get, too."

He returned a few minutes later and we drank our milkshakes. The taste of the chocolate brought back memories of high school with such clarity that I felt like I was truly reliving it. Like with music, I think that taste and smell could return your mind to an earlier point in time, making you feel the sensations you felt in that moment. My brother finished his within minutes and tossed it in the trashcan. I could only finish half of mine.

"What the hell happened to you?" he asked seriously. "You used to drink it faster than me. Now you can't even finish it?"

"I just ate a whole meal," I said incredulously. "Cut me some slack. Besides, I have to keep this figure." I ran my hands down my sides, exaggerating my appearance.

"You look good," he said. "I can tell you've been doing some strengthening and toning exercises. My friends are going to be asking my permission to ask you out as soon as they see you."

"I'm not interested," I said quickly.

"What happened to moving on?" he reminded me. "You have to loosen up, open your mind to new things, Scarlet. There are other guys out there just as good as Sean."

"There are probably a lot that are better than him, too," I said coldly.

"I'm not doing a Sean-bashing with you," he said. "I haven't heard his side of the story." Ryan caught my affronted look. "I will protect you with my life, Scarlet, but I can't see Sean hurting you on purpose. I'm sorry, but I just don't. I'm not going to judge him until he explains himself."

"Well, he will never get the chance," I said. "We are over."

"I sincerely hope not."

I stared at him for a moment and immediately felt paranoid. I didn't want Ryan to talk to him. I didn't want Sean to know where I was. "Ryan, promise me you won't contact him."

"Why?"

"I don't want him to know where I am."

Ryan shook his head. "Fine," he said. "I'll stay out of it."  
"Thank you," I said.

"Let's head back to the apartment. I know you must be exhausted from jet lag."

We got into the cab and returned to the apartment. Ryan sat in the living room, but I went to my bedroom because I was exhausted. I lay in bed but couldn't fall asleep, even though it was one in the morning for my sleep cycle. My thoughts turned to Sean and the sad ending of our relationship. If only we hadn't slept together, it never would have happened, but a part of me was glad that it had. I never would have realized my true feelings for him, and I never would have known that Sean wouldn't feel the same way. But now I knew.

16

Sean

I couldn't sleep that night. All I thought about was Scarlet and what happened between us. Our relationship was one of the most valuable things I'd ever had, and I already missed her—needed her. I didn't want the friendship to end, but Scarlet didn't want me. What was I supposed to do? I tossed and turned all night, but it wasn't Penelope waking me up. It was Scarlet. I knew I should just stop being stubborn and try to win her back. We were both at fault in the situation. Scarlet never should have assumed that our love making came with a relationship since I just lost Penelope, and I shouldn't have been such an insensitive jerk about her feelings. They were both valid points. I felt myself fall into unconsciousness, and when I woke up the next morning, the anger returned to my body when I reflected on our fight. I just couldn't make up my mind about how I felt about it. Penelope still lingered in my thoughts, but her presence had dimmed in light of the fight I had with Scarlet. I got up and went to work, wanting to distract myself from thoughts of both Scarlet and Penelope.

I could tell that I was the new, popular kid at work by the way everyone was treating me. Apparently, news had spread about me and my new girlfriend, Scarlet. Everyone knew that Mr. Perkins invited us to play racquetball with him outside of work. It felt like high school all over again. I was glad to be making progress at the office, but then the reality hit. Scarlet wouldn't be attending the couples' game with my boss and I didn't know if her absence would change anything. Perhaps the only reason I was invited was because of her. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. Everyone loved her.

I tried not to think about our last conversation. She told me she never wanted to see me again, which really surprised me. I wasn't going to call or text her—nothing. If she wanted to talk to me, she could contact me. I didn't do anything wrong. Well, I did, but it was a misunderstanding. Of course, I would never hurt my best friend on purpose or use her in any way, and the fact she accused me of something so ridiculous pissed me off. I loved her. Why would I treat her like that? But then the guilt returned. I hated how upset she seemed. When I thought about it in retrospect, the way she kissed me in the morning, and later when she said goodbye, I realized I should have noticed it. When we went to the restaurant and that guy harassed her, I defended her, disregarding my own safety, and while I did that because I loved her, she assumed I did it because I was in love with her. When we went to the movies, she hooked her arm into mine, and while I didn't mind, it must have meant more to her than I thought. And when we curled up on the couch together, I woke up with her face in mine, and my hand up her shirt. She probably assumed that meant something. Then, she blew off Dan, who seemed like a reasonable guy. The girl was in love with me. It was so obvious. How did I not notice it before?

But then again, my actions indicated that I was in love with her too. I never thought about it before because I've been so hung up on Penelope, when we were together and after we broke up, but perhaps I didn't see what was right in front of me. I did care about Scarlet in a profound way. I loved the girl. And I definitely found her attractive—very attractive.

I enjoyed sleeping with her. It was easy and comfortable, even though we had never been intimate like that before, and she was beautiful—sexy. Being with her was something I wouldn't mind doing again, but I knew that could never happen, even if we started speaking again. She was in love with me. I couldn't hurt her again.

I walked into my office and placed my shoulder bag under my desk. Brian walked by and came into my office since the door was open.

"Dude, Mr. Perkins is giving you the Dwight account."

"What?" I asked. "I'm already handling the Price account."

Brian shook his head. "He's giving that rookie task to one of the interns. Do you realize how big this is? This is like the most high profile client we have. Everyone is fucking jealous of you, Sean. What the fuck did you say to him the other night?"

I shook my head. "I have no fucking idea," I said honestly. "Scarlet did most of the talking."

He nodded. "I can believe that."

"How do you know I'm getting the account?"

"I overheard Perkins talking with Jonathon. He pitched the idea to him and he agreed. The news has spread like wildfire. You've got some haters now, Sean."

"Don't we all?" I said sarcastically. I was partially happy that I was being entrusted with such a big responsibility, but another part of me didn't care. This wouldn't be happening if Scarlet wasn't so charming and beautiful. I wondered if Mr. Perkins would change his mind when I said Scarlet wasn't around anymore. Although, I might be able to convince her to go if I asked her. She would probably do it as a favor to me because she loved me, but she already felt like I was using her, so I decided against it. I already hurt her once. I wouldn't do it again.

"You want to hit Pyros after work?" he asked. "And bring Scarlet."

"Sure," I said.

Brian walked away and headed toward his office. I had nothing to do that night, no one to see, so I agreed to sit at the bar with him. I needed to get my mind off Scarlet. The more I thought about her, the more I missed her. I wanted to pick up my phone and call her, but I knew I had to wait for her to call me. She needed her space and I respected that.

"Hey, Sean," Mr. Perkins said as he came into my office.

I stood up and walked around my desk until I was standing in front of him. We shook hands. "Good morning, sir," I said. "How are you?"

"Well," he said. "I am very well." He put one hand in his pocket and wafted the other through the air while he spoke. He was one of those people who talked with their hands, adding emphasis to his words with the movement of his arms. "So, is tomorrow afternoon good for you?" he asked. "We can head to the club after work."

"That sounds like a plan." I nodded.

"Good. I look forward to it." He smiled. "And I'm excited to see your lovely squeeze, Scarlet."

I nodded. I knew I should be honest about her absence instead of showing up without her to the club, making some excuse like she couldn't get off work. A part of me was worried how that might affect my image, but then I realized it was irrelevant. I assumed I was being given the Dwight account simply because I was the best financial analyst in the firm—there was no other reason. "Actually, Scarlet won't be joining us," I said.

Mr. Perkins raised an eyebrow. "I see," he said. "Well, let's arrange it for another day. Would Wednesday be preferable to her?"

I sighed. "No," I said. "Actually, she and I just called it quits. I don't think she will be around anymore." I watched Mr. Perkins stare at me, clearly unsure what to say about my unexpected news.

"That is unfortunate," he said. "I liked her very much. I suspect you won't find a woman like that again."

"Probably not," I admitted.

"Well, I need to get back to work," he said as he headed for the door.

"We can still go tomorrow, sir, if you wish," I added. I wanted to stay in his inner circle. I didn't understand why I couldn't just bring someone else along. I knew Brian would force me to take him.

"I'll take a rain check," he said as he walked away.

"Mr. Perkins?" I asked.

"Yes," he said as he turned around. I was waiting for him to give me the Dwight account. His attitude had been booming with excitement and energy, but now he seemed irritated with me. He waited for me to speak, but it took a while for me to conjure the words. "Is there anything else you need from me, sir?"

"No." He closed the door behind him and walked back to this office that overlooked the city of Manhattan. I was hoping to get that office someday. It wasn't looking good.

I returned to my desk and worked on the Price account, a task that an idiotic intern could do. I scanned through the files with such anger that I ripped one of the pages. I didn't stop for lunch, nor did I take a break. I was furious that my advancement was being denied simply because Scarlet wasn't around. It was bullshit.

At five, Brian knocked on my door and peeked in. "Let's head out," he said. He watched me shove my files into my shoulder bag and clear off my desk. I didn't look at him as I rose from my chair and walked out the door. We took the elevator to the first floor and walked out of the building.

"What's up your fucking twat?" Bryan asked, noticing my irritated attitude.

I ignored his vulgar comment. "I'm not getting the Dwight account."

His eyes widened as we walked to the bar a few blocks down. "What the fuck did you do?"

"Nothing," I said. "I didn't do a goddamn thing."

"Then what changed?"

I sighed. We stopped at a street light and waited for the traffic to pass by before we crossed. "I told him Scarlet couldn't come to racquetball."

"Why couldn't she come?"

"We aren't speaking to each other at the moment."

"So does that mean she won't be joining us?" he said with a depressed voice. "I thought she was coming."

"No."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"So you guys broke up?"

"We were never together," I snapped.

"You know what I mean."

"We're done," I said.

"For good?" he asked.

"It seems that way."

Brian didn't say anything until we walked into the bar and took our seats. I ordered a beer on tap, wanting to keep it light. I had too much hard liquor the other night and I still felt crummy. I hadn't been to the gym and I hadn't made an effort to eat right. My body was clogged with poison.

"So, can I have her number?" Brian asked. "Since I won't be seeing her anymore?"

"No," I said as I drank my beer.

"Well, if you aren't tapping her, then why shouldn't I?" he asked. "I wonder what the rest of her body looks like."

The anger exploded through me at his words. The idea of him being with Scarlet, talking about her in such a disrespectful way, enraged me. I only wanted her to be with someone that treated her right, not someone who discussed the curves of her body like she was a prostitute. Now I felt like an ass for suggesting to Scarlet that she date him. The idea was unthinkable. "Shut the fuck up," I snapped. "I'll fucking deck you if you speak about her like that again."

Brian held his hands up in surrender. "Okay," he said. "I get it."

I watched the television in the corner and said nothing more.

He played with the rim of his glass for a moment before he turned to me. "So...can I have her number?"

I sighed, bottling my anger. "She isn't interested in you."

"You asked her?" Brian asked.

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"That you are a douche," I said bluntly.

Brian stared at me. "No, she didn't. She likes me."

"Yes," I said. "She does, but she also thinks you're a douche." I took a drink of my beer and didn't look at him.

"Well, maybe if I asked her out, she might change her mind. I can be a good boyfriend."

I gripped my glass tightly, almost shattering the cup under the force. My voice came out as a deadly whisper. "Ask me again and I'll shove your face into the counter."

Brian sighed. "What the fuck is your problem?" he yelled. "I know you lost the Dwight account, but it wasn't official anyway. Don't take your shit out on me. Stop being a fucking dick."

I drank my beer and didn't say anything for a moment. I ordered another one. "You're right, Brian," I said. "I am a fucking dick." The comment made me think about Scarlet. I hated the way I treated her. I missed her. I could admit it.

"Is that an apology?" Brian asked.

"That's as close as you are going to get."

Brian shook his head and drank his beer. We watched the game on the screen and started talking about a call the ref made. It was easier just to talk about sports instead of personal bullshit. Maybe that's why guys always get along so well. Most of the time, our conversations had no personal content at all.

I threw some cash on the counter and left the bar, saying a quick goodbye to Brian I yelled down a cab and gave the driver Scarlet's address without even thinking about it. I wanted to talk to her and clear everything up. Scarlet was an amazing woman. I don't know why I didn't notice it before. Talking to Bryan made me realize I was being an idiot. I couldn't stand the idea of her sleeping with him. I didn't want her to sleep with anyone but me. I had to get her back, make things right. Even though I was still heartbroken over Penelope, I could give Scarlet a relationship if that's what she wanted. I wanted to be with her. I didn't want to lose her. I may not have been the best boyfriend at that moment, and I certainly thought about Penelope often, but we could work through that together.

When I got to the door, I knocked loudly but there was no answer. I assumed Scarlet was just ignoring me, so I banged on the door again. There was still no response.

"Nobody lives there," a woman said, walking down the hall while holding a grocery bag. She balanced the bag on her knee and tried to unlock the door across the hall from Scarlet's apartment. I walked over and grabbed the bag from her, helping her get her door open.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The woman who lived there moved out. The superintendent already has the apartment up for rent. Three people have come by to look at it today. You know how hard it is to get an apartment in the city." She walked through the door and closed it behind her.

I felt my heart pound in my chest as I processed her words. She couldn't be right. She was mistaken. I ran down the stairs and back to the superintendent's office. "Did Scarlet Reese move out?" I asked.

The superintendent was watching the television in his office. "Is that 13B?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then, yes," he said. "She left yesterday."

I heard my voice turn frantic. "Did she say where she was going?"

"No."

I walked out of the office and headed back to my apartment. Scarlet meant what she said. She wanted nothing to do with me. She even moved to another apartment just to get away from me, knowing that I would never find her. The betrayal stung and made me angry. She actually moved to avoid me. She really didn't want me anymore.

I lay in bed and thought about everything. I was already angry at Scarlet for everything she had done, and now I was even more furious with her, but at the same time, I was hurt. I was still in love with Penelope and I needed Scarlet to help me through it. Scarlet numbed my pain in every way. With her, there was no pain at all.

Penelope's ring was sitting on the nightstand next to my bed, still in its box ready to be given to her. She hadn't spoken to me in a week, and it was becoming clear that she never would. It was obvious. I should have just taken the ring back after she dumped me. I quickly fell asleep but was awoken by the sound of Penelope's voice, which was just a figment of my imagination. Frustrated, I got up and grabbed a bottle of scotch from my cupboard and crushed a vicodin pill, sprinkling it in the liquid. I set my alarm then passed out, sleeping unperturbed for hours.

The next morning, I felt a migraine behind my eyes, but I woke up anyway and got ready for work. I went by Scarlet's office and waited for her to walk into the building, but she never did. I walked inside the lobby and took the elevator to her floor. When I was inside, I looked for Scarlet, but saw Janice instead.

"Where's Scarlet?" I asked without preamble.

"I don't know," she said. "I haven't seen her."

I saw Janice's eyes widen and her body tense as she looked past me. A man wearing a collared shirt and thick glasses approached me. I could tell just by looking at him that I didn't like him. "Can I help you with something?" he asked.

"I am looking for my friend, Scarlet."

The man nodded. "Let's discuss this in my office." He walked down the hallway toward the other side of the room. I looked behind me and saw Janice stare at him with a look of fear. When we were in the man's office, he motioned for me to sit in the seat across from his desk.

"My name is Carl and I am the chief copy editor here—I'm Scarlet's boss. Scarlet didn't show up to work the other day," he said. "I just assumed that she quit."

"Did you call her?" I asked.

"Yes," he said with a smile. "But there was no response. It's obvious that she is no longer interested in the company."

I stared at him and felt my skin prickle. There was something about the man that I immediately disliked, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Janice was clearly frightened of him and I was sure she had a reason why. I stared at his thick fingers and noticed the absence of a wedding ring even though he was older. There were no pictures of friends or family on his desk.

He continued on. "Scarlet wasn't a team player anyway, so this is probably for the best."

"A team player?" I asked incredulously. Was he kidding me? "She edited an entire manuscript overnight and it wasn't even her genre. It sounds like she's a good worker to me." I knew I shouldn't have snapped, but I couldn't control it. That guy was giving me the creeps.

He folded his hands on the desk. "Well, she had other issues in the workplace."

I highly doubted that. Scarlet was practically a workaholic. She never stopped until a project was not only finished—but perfect. I would bet my entire savings that she was the best worker in the building. "When was the last time you saw her?" I asked.

Carl rubbed his thumbs together as he thought for a moment. "Sunday night," he said. "I came in to grab something and she was at her desk, trying to fix the mistakes from a manuscript that she hadn't edited correctly. She was more trouble than she was worth." Carl smiled at me. I wanted to punch him in the face. I didn't even know the guy and I already hated him.

Suddenly, I felt every vein in my neck snap as I processed his words. Something had happened to Scarlet when she was there on Sunday night. I heard her yelling over her voice mail and now it was all clear. I understood why she ran away. It wasn't just from me. I rose slowly from my seat. Carl watched me for a moment then stood up behind his desk and came around the corner. He smiled at me again. The idiot was too stupid to read the ferocity on my face. The idea of that disgusting, middle-age man threatening Scarlet or touching her made me shake. I felt my mind snap.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" I screamed as I hit him. I punched him in both eyes then the side of the skull. The man tried to push me off, but he was too weak and confused, and my weight surpassed his even though he was larger. The muscles of my body outweighed his folds of fat. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

The man screamed again as I beat him as hard as I could. He tried to crawl away but I stepped on his hand, breaking his fingers. "YOU FUCK WITH SCARLET THEN YOU FUCK WITH ME!" I jumped on him again and continued to pound him senseless. Every bash of his head ignited more rage within me. The idea of something happening to my girl was the worst thing imaginable. I couldn't stand the thought of her being in pain. I punched him even harder, screaming while I broke his nose. I felt the women of the office staring at me and I knew I was being watched. I saw no cameras inside the office, so I didn't think I was on tape, but it was time to get out of there before security arrived. I turned around, sprinting down the hallway. I took the stairs two at a time until I blended in with the crowd on the street. Blood dripped from my hands onto my suit. I knew the fucker was unconscious by the time I ran for it. I hoped he would die.

17

Scarlet

I didn't want to move the next morning. I had no reason to wake up and no purpose to fulfill. Lying on my bed for the rest of my life sounded like a good plan, so I decided to stick with it. I rolled over on my side and kept my eyes closed, trying to fall back asleep, but it was useless. All I thought about was Sean and what transpired between us. Then, I thought about Janice and Carl, and then it just went back to Sean. It was a vicious cycle of painful memories.

Sean hadn't called me, but Janice did. There were a few voice mails on my phone that I hadn't listened to. I assumed they were all from her. I tightened the sheet around my shoulders and lay there like a corpse, suffering alone with my thoughts. Hours went by, and I didn't even know what time it was. There was no clock in my room, but I didn't care. It didn't matter what time it was anyway.

Ryan knocked on my door. "Are you coming out sometime today?" he asked.

I remained silent, acting like I was asleep.

"I know you're awake, Scarlet," he said. "Let me in."

I sighed. "The door is open."

Ryan came into the room. My back was to him, but I didn't turn over. I felt the bed shift as he sat down next to me. "Let's have some breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," I said.

Ryan grabbed my leg and shook it. "Then let's go out and see the city."

"I've already seen it. I used to live here, remember?"

Ryan laughed. "Then we can rediscover it together."

I moaned, not having anything coherent to say.

"Are you staying here permanently?" he asked.

"In this bed or in this city?" I asked.

"I think they are mutually exclusive." He laughed.

"I'm never going back to New York."

Ryan moved closer to me. "Please get up, Scarlet. This isn't like you."

"I know," I whispered. I felt the tears fall from my eyes and I tried to hide them with the blanket. I had the uncontrollable need to sniff, but then he would know I was crying.

"Scarlet." He sighed.

I started sobbing and I couldn't stop. Ryan lay next to me. He didn't touch me, but I could feel the warmth of his body heat radiate around me. I kept my back to him, not wanting him to see me cry, even though he had seen me sob dozens of times. He placed his hand on my back and rubbed me gently. "It's okay," he said. "I'm here."

I tried to quiet my sobs, but it just hurt my diaphragm. "I know."

"Tell me what you are feeling."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," he said.

"Why should you care, Ryan?" I snapped. "I haven't made an effort to talk to you for a year, and then I just show up on your doorstep and you act like everything is fine."

Ryan sighed. "I'll admit that I've been hurt, but my personal pain is irrelevant right now, Scar. You are all that matters. My sister is in pain and needs me. I will always put aside everything for you. I know you would do the same for me."

My brother was the greatest person I knew. He was always selfless and pardoned everyone's wrongs because he didn't have the ability to stay mad. He cared about me more than he cared about himself. Knowing that he loved me more than anything, made me cry harder. "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too, Scar," he said.

I wiped my tears with my wrist. Ryan left my side and returned with a few tissues. I wiped my face then held the soiled paper in my hand. "I just don't know what to do. The only man that I've ever loved doesn't love me in return, so I ran away from him. My boss assaulted me, and instead of fighting, I just fled."

"Scarlet, what are you talking about? Your boss assaulted you? What did the fucker do? You shouldn't run here. We should call the police."

"No," I said quickly. "It won't do any good. I already lost all credibility with the company. I'll just lose the battle then Carl will come after me again. It's hopeless."

Ryan sighed. "That's still unacceptable."

"Just forget about it, okay? I just want to move on."

He was quiet for a moment. "Fine."

I wiped my tears away. "And then I left my friend without saying goodbye or telling her where I was going. I'm a coward, Ryan. I don't recognize myself."

"I don't agree with that," he said. "We aren't strong all the time, Scar. We get weak and we fall down. It's when we stand up again that we become stronger. You will learn from this and be better for it. It's okay to fall once in a while. You'll pick yourself up—eventually."

"So you think I made the right decision?" I sniffed.

"I didn't say that," he said. "I think you made the best one you could in that situation. You need time to mourn and grieve before you can piece yourself together. Take all the time you need. You'll find yourself again—I know you will."

Tears stopped falling as I listened to my brother. He had always taken care of me when we were growing up, and even though we are adults, he returned to that role like he had never left it. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"You'll never have to find out." He smiled. "Now let's take some baby steps. Let's get up and get dressed."

"I don't want to," I whispered.

"Yes, you do," he said as he sat up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "Get dressed. And wear street clothes."

"Why?" I asked.

"We are going to play some ball."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to."

"Too bad," he said. "Now get dressed." He closed the door behind him and walked away. I dressed in my yoga pants and running shoes, and wore a teal sweater that Sean gave me for Christmas last year. The thought of him made my heart ache, but I pushed the recollection away. I could get through this. I had to take baby steps.

When I walked out, Ryan was sitting at the table reading the newspaper. He was wearing basketball shorts and a gray sweatshirt. "Have some cereal," he said.

I opened the cupboard and grabbed a box. I poured almond milk into my bowl, since Ryan never bought regular milk, then poured the cereal on top.

"You still do that?" He laughed. "The milk goes on afterwards."

"It makes the cereal too soggy."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "You are so weird."

I sat across from him at the table and watched him drink his coffee while he read the paper. His features reminded me of my own, and there was no doubt that we were related.

"What?" he asked without looking at me. His eyes were still focused on his paper. "Why are you staring?"

"I missed you."

He finally met my gaze. "I missed you, too."

I smiled at him then ate my cereal. We sat together in companionable silence while he read the paper and I finished my breakfast.

There was a knock on the door, but Ryan didn't get up. "It's open."

A man, who was wearing basketball shorts and a white t-shirt, came into the kitchen. He had blond hair and green eyes, and his skin was pale like he never spent time in the sunlight. He looked at Ryan then turned his gaze towards me.

"Hi," he said as he outstretched his hand. "My name is Cortland."

"Scarlet," I said as I shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise." He smiled then sat next to Ryan, looking at him. "Are you ready to ball it up?"

"Yeah," Ryan said as he put down the paper. He downed the rest of his coffee and left it on the table. "Let's go."

I stood up from the table and looked at Ryan. "You guys have fun."

He stopped and stared at me. "You're coming with us."

"Three is an odd number—too complicated. Besides, I thought it would just be us."

Cortland grabbed the basketball from the couch and spun it on his finger. "I didn't mean to intrude," he said. "I didn't know you had plans, Ryan. We can meet up later."

Ryan shook his head. "No, we are all going," he said firmly. "Ignore my sister. She's just being a brat."

Cortland dropped the ball. "Your sister?" he asked. The knowledge seemed to stun him.

"Yes," Ryan said. "I find it hard to believe myself sometimes."

"I didn't know you had a sister," he said.

"Now you know why I kept it a secret," Ryan teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I'll go. But I suck at basketball."

"That's fine," Ryan said. "I already assumed that."

I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "Thanks."

Ryan ignored my look of annoyance. "Alright. Let's go."

Together, we left the building and walked down the street to a nearby basketball court that was fenced off. No one was playing on that gloomy afternoon, so we had the court to ourselves.

"I'll be the referee," I said as I stood near the benches.

Ryan shook his head. "You don't even know the rules of the game. You may as well be a stupid cheerleader." He dribbled the ball in his hands then passed it to Cortland. Cortland threw the ball to the hoop and scored a point. Ryan retrieved the ball and started dribbling it up the court.

I ran to Ryan and stole the ball from him, bouncing it next to me. He stared at me with a look of surprise, impressed that I managed to get the ball. I smiled. "I said I sucked at basketball. I never said I was oblivious to it." I aimed the ball and made a shot in the hoop.

"Your sister's got game," Cortland said as he jogged toward us.

"Don't encourage her," Ryan said as he fetched the ball. "It will go to her head then she'll be a little brat, like usual."

We ran around the court, dribbling and passing to one another. We weren't playing a real game, but having a free for all. I felt the sweat drip down my forehead as we played, and after an hour, I was exhausted from running up and down the court. Ryan's sweatshirt was soaked in sweat, but he didn't seem to be tired. Cortland was also sweaty in his tank top, but he was full of energy. Both guys looked like they kept up a healthy lifestyle of sports and exercise, and some form of weight training. Cortland was almost the same size as my brother.

"I think I'm done," Ryan said as he caught his breath.

Cortland spun the ball on his finger. "Me too." He nodded as sweat dripped down his forehead.

"Let's eat," I said. "I'm starving."

"We just ate, fatty," Ryan teased.

"You know, you only act like a bully when your friends are around," I said to him.

"I just like to tease you." He held up his hand to Cortland, silently asking him for the ball, and Cortland passed it to him. "Do you want to go to Mega-Shake?"

Cortland nodded. "I like that joint."

Ryan looked at me. "You down?"

"I'm always down for Mega-Shake."

We walked down the main strip toward the burger joint in the distance. Cortland dribbled the ball as we walked. He passed it to Ryan, who also dribbled it before he passed it back. When we got to the restaurant, I made the men wash their hands, and Ryan glared at me as he walked into the bathroom. Then, we ordered our food and sat down.

"I don't know what we did to give you the impression that we are pigs, but Cortland and I wash our hands like everyone else," Ryan said as he ate his fries.

"Well, you went straight to the counter when we walked in," I said.

"Yes." Ryan laughed. "So I could order our food and hand them the money. Then I was going to wash my hands."

"I think you are lying."

"Whatever," Ryan said as he rolled his eyes.

Cortland watched us with a smile on his face. "My sister and I were never close."

"What makes you think we are close?" Ryan said. He glared at me then turned his gaze back to his friend.

I narrowed my eyes at my brother. "You love me."

"It depends on what day it is, and what time of the month it is," Ryan said.

I kicked him under the table, but he just laughed.

I turned to Cortland. "So, are you a tattoo artist as well?"

"No." He laughed. "I am a computer programmer. I work at the hospital downtown and update their software, among other things."

I nodded my head. I wasn't expecting him to give such an answer. Based on his appearance, I would have assumed that he was a personal trainer or perhaps a physical therapist. "That's interesting."

Cortland laughed. "I know it's lame. But I like it. I've always been a bit of a geek."

"And your name doesn't help," I teased.

Cortland smiled. "I know it sounds pretentious, but I'm nothing like that."

"Until you ask him something about computers," Ryan said.

Cortland ate his fries and ignored Ryan.

"Where did you go to school?" I asked.

"Harvard."

"You are sounding less pretentious by the minute." I smiled.

"I know." He laughed. "I should just admit it—I'm a pretentious douche." Ryan and I both laughed loudly, and I almost knocked over my soda. "And where did you go to school?" he asked.

I felt my cheeks redden. Ryan started laughing at the distressed look on my face. "Harvard," I said.

"You are lucky I am too much of a gentleman to make fun of you." He smiled.

"You don't have to be nice to her," Ryan said. "She's just my sister."

"I'm still a lady," I argued.

"That's debatable," Ryan said.

I rolled my eyes at him.

Cortland met my gaze. "I'll let it go—for now." He finished his burger then wiped his mouth. I could smell the stench coming from the two men. I started to wonder how bad I smelled. Perhaps I was the culprit of the odor and not my brother and Cortland. A woman wearing a tight dress and high heeled boots walked by, and both men immediately stared at her. When she left the restaurant, they stared at her ass as she disappeared from view.

I rolled my eyes. "You guys are disgusting."

"What?" Cortland said. "She had a nice ass."

Ryan leaned back in his chair. "I'm still thinking about it."

"Me too," Cortland said.

I pushed my food away and ignored them. Sean checked out women, but he was never so blatant about it. When he and Penelope were together, he never looked at anyone. After they broke up, he still didn't even glance at the beautiful women in the city. Well, except Janice. The thought of their rendezvous made the sadness creep into my eyes.

My brother caught the look. "The time has arrived," he said as he stood up. "Scarlet's getting chocolate because that's what she always gets. What are you getting, man?"

"I'll get chocolate too," Cortland said.

"I shall return," Ryan said as he walked away and stood in line.

I looked at Cortland, who was already staring at me. "I am sorry about the pretentious thing. I didn't mean it in an offensive way."

"I know." He smiled. "And I wasn't offended. I can take a joke. Your brother picks on me all the time. I'm used to it."

"He can be a real bully," I said with a grin.

"Which is why it's good to have him as your friend," he said with a wink. "He keeps the other bullies away."

"So he is your protection?" I asked.

"I'm just kidding," he said. "I can take care of myself. Your brother is actually a really great guy—most of the time. We've been friends for a long time. He's like my brother."

I smiled at him. "I'm glad he has someone."

"He has a lot of people."

"I mean someone who he is really close to. Not just someone who is around."

Cortland nodded. "I hope you don't pity him because he isn't married or doesn't have a girlfriend. I think Ryan is happy either way. As long as he has artwork, mega-shakes, and his friends, he'll be fine."

"I just wish he had a serious girlfriend."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.

I felt myself flinch at his question. I wasn't expecting such a serious topic of conversation, but then I realized that I was the one who started the discussion. I got myself into this. "No."

He nodded. "So, are you visiting Ryan?" he asked.

"Actually, I live here."

"I wonder why he never mentioned you before?" he said. "And I'm surprised I've never seen you around."

"Well, I just moved here."

"From where?" he asked.

"New York."

"May I ask why?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to dump all my personal bullshit onto this complete stranger, a man I had only spent the afternoon with. "I just needed a change of scenery."

He seemed to understand the true meaning of my words. Cortland leaned back in his chair. "I was going to offer to show you Seattle sometime, but you must have already seen it all."

"Yeah," I said. "I did grow up here with Ryan."

Cortland nodded.

"But I appreciate the offer."

"Well, if you need someone to hang out with, let me know. I have friends that I can introduce you to."

"Thanks." I smiled.

Ryan returned with the milkshakes and sat down. I grabbed my cup from his hand and started sucking the straw. Cortland reached for his and yanked it from my brother's hands. We were acting like barbarians.

"So what did you talk about while I was gone?" Ryan asked.

Cortland put down his shake. "That you are actually the pretentious douche and we aren't. We came to an agreement."

I laughed and almost spit out the chocolate ice cream from my mouth.

"How do you figure?" Ryan asked.

I made my voice deep to imitate him. "I'm a tattoo artist, but I don't have any tats because I want it to be meaningful and profound."

Cortland chuckled and I laughed at myself. Ryan laughed even though we were making jabs at him. We finished our treats in silence. For the first time, I wasn't thinking about Sean or the horrific past I left behind. I was in a world with new people, where I felt relaxed and safe. It was just one baby step, but perhaps Ryan was right. Maybe I could do it.

Ryan's phone rang from his pocket and he answered it without looking at the screen. "Yeah?" he asked. His eyebrows furrowed when he listened. "When did it happen?" he asked. "I'll be there soon." He hung up the phone and shoved it into his pocket. Cortland and I both stared at him, waiting for him to explain the call we just overheard.

"What was that?" I asked.

"My security alarm went off at the shop," he said with a sigh. "I'm going down there to check it out."

"Did someone break in?" Cortland asked.

"I don't know yet," Ryan said. "The cops are on the way." Ryan threw his cup away and turned back to Cortland. "Can you take my sister home?" he asked as he took his apartment key off the ring and handed it to him. "And wait for me to come back?"

"Why can't I go with you?" I asked.

"It isn't safe," he said quickly. He turned back to Cortland. "Is that okay?"

"Of course, man."

I glared at Ryan. "I can take care of myself. Cortland doesn't need to babysit me."

"I'll see you later." Ryan walked out of the restaurant and grabbed a cab off the side of the road. He disappeared inside the car and it drove off down the street.

Cortland turned to me. "Are you ready to head back?"

"I guess." I sighed. "I just hope everything is okay."

"I'm sure it is," he said as he got up and opened the door for me. "This has happened before."

I threw my shake away before we walked outside. "It has?"

"Yes," he said. "Every business owner has to deal with break-ins. Ryan has been held at gunpoint."

I stopped on the sidewalk. "What?"

"I'm guessing you didn't already know that," he said with a sigh.

"No."

"Well, he was fine so it doesn't matter."

We continued to walk back to the apartment. Cortland carried the basketball as we headed down the sidewalk.

"So, where do you work?" he asked.

I felt awkward with the question because I didn't have an answer—at least a good one. "Well, I don't have a job yet."

"What did you get your degree in?"

"English."

"And what do you want to do with that?"

"I've been working as an editor. Hopefully, I can find work in Seattle."

"Is that what you want to do—be an editor?" he asked.

"Yes, but I would also like to be a writer."

"Have you written anything?"

"No," I said. "I can never find inspiration."

"You'll find it," he said as we walked forward.

The apartment was in sight and we crossed the street to the front lobby. Cortland opened the door for me and we took the elevator to the fifth floor. When we got to the front door, I fumbled with the keys until I finally got it unlocked. We walked inside and Cortland put the ball on the kitchen table then sat in the living room. I grabbed two bottles of water and handed him one.

"You really don't have to stay here," I said. "I'm fine being alone."

He shook his head. "Sorry but I told Ryan I'd stay with you and I won't let him down. I can tell it's important to him."

"Well, if you have other things you need to do—"

"I don't," he said. "And it wouldn't matter if I did."

Cortland turned on the television and scrolled through the channels for a while. After finding nothing worthwhile, he turned to me. "Are you going to start looking for editing positions?"

"I guess." I sighed.

"Why do you sound so unenthusiastic?"

"I just—had a bad experience with my last boss. I really don't want to work for someone else."

Cortland nodded. "Perhaps you should start your own business. Maybe you can create an editing company?"

"That'd be cool," I said.

"You can do it," he said. "Ryan started his business inside his apartment and it just grew. People liked his artwork so much that he opened up his own shop. You could do that, too."

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Why not?"

I shook my head. I was too depressed to think about my life ambition to start an editing company. My heart was still pulsing with pain, and I still felt broken. My greatest dream was to be with Sean, and that was never going to happen.

"What's wrong?" Cortland asked.

"Excuse me?" His question caught me off guard. He could read me better than I thought. I just met the guy and he seemed to be in tune with my emotions. Perhaps my face was just a dead giveaway.

"You seem sad," he said. "Your eyes turned empty."

I didn't know what to say. My forlorn expression and ghostly appearance wasn't something I meant to show. It just happened. "I don't want to discuss it."

"Did I do something?" he asked.

"No, of course not."

He stared at me for a moment then finally looked away, dropping his questions and the conversation. We watched television without really paying attention. I stared at the wall straight ahead and thought about Sean, wondering what he was doing back at home. He probably realized that I had moved by now, but I didn't know if he would ever figure out where I went. I could have just changed apartments. I wondered if he was still sleeping with Janice even though he loved Penelope. I wondered if he thought about me at all? Probably not. That night meant something to me and I could swear that it meant something to him, too. No one is that tender and loving when they are drunk. He touched me like I was his lover—not just a quick fuck. He said he didn't love me, but I doubted those words. Perhaps when he moved on from Penelope, he would realize it, but I had a feeling he never would.

Cortland turned off the television and leaned forward. "Do you have someone?" he asked.

I stared at him, not understanding his meaning. "What?"

"Do you have someone to talk to?" he asked. "Other than Ryan? I can see how depressed you are and I know something is bothering you—deeply."

I didn't understand why this man that I just met was showing such an interest in me. It didn't feel romantic or physical, but still intimate and close. "Why are you so interested?"

He sighed. "I don't mean to pry, but Ryan is a good guy and I consider him to be family. Therefore you are family, too."

I smiled at him. "That is very sweet, but I'm fine, Cortland. Thank you."

"Let me know if you change your mind."

"Okay," I said.

A moment later, Ryan knocked on the door and Cortland answered it.

"How is it?" Cortland asked.

"The shop is fine," he said. "Nothing was taken. They just busted a window then left."

I walked over to Ryan and hugged him. "I'm glad you're okay."

He didn't return my embrace, letting his hands dangle at his sides. "You were just telling my friend that I was a douche."

I didn't release my hold on him. The revelation that he had been held at gunpoint in the past made me frightened of losing him. "You still are," I whispered.

Ryan laughed. "Well, at least you are being honest." When I pulled away, he reached out and shook Cortland's hand. "Thanks for babysitting."

Cortland nodded. "You're welcome." He walked to the door then looked at me. "It was nice meeting you, Scarlet."

"You, too." I smiled.

Cortland left the apartment and Ryan locked the door behind him. "So how was your day?"

"It was okay."

"You had fun," he said. "Just admit it."

"It was okay." I smiled.

"What do you think of Cortland?"

"I'm not interested in dating anyone."

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant," he said. "Do you like him? He is going to be around a lot so I want to make sure you don't have a problem with him."

"I like him," I said. "He's a very nice guy."

"Good," he said. Ryan's phone rang and he answered it. "Hello?" His lips stretched into a smile as he listened. "As intrigued as I am, it's going to have to wait a couple of days." I wasn't sure what he was talking about. "My sister is visiting and the timing just isn't good. I'll call you next week." He hung up the phone with a smile on his face.

"That sounded like a booty call."

"How would you know?" he teased.

"You don't have to stop having—friends—over because of me, Ryan."

"It's fine," he said. "Let's get you settled before I introduce you to my personal life."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I said.

"Besides, I'm sleeping with you and three is a crowd."

"Ryan, I'm fine."

"You were sobbing this morning," he snapped. "Clearly you aren't fine. And I don't mind."

He walked into his bedroom and I walked into mine, changing into my pajamas before he came into the room with his running shorts and a plain shirt. He laid a sleeping bag on the floor then crawled inside of it while I got under the covers of my bed. Having Ryan near me calmed my nerves and slowed my heart, making me feel relaxed. I wondered if this was why Sean wanted me to sleep with him, but before I could think about it in more detail, I fell asleep.

18

"Get up," Ryan said as he shook me.

"No," I said in a raspy voice. I pulled the blankets over my head, wanting to block out his voice. "There is nowhere for me to go."

Ryan pulled down the covers and I practically shriveled up like a snail covered in salt. "Where are we going?" I asked as I finally opened my eyes.

"To work," he said. "You know—my source of income to support me and my freeloading sister."

I groaned. "I don't want to," I whined. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you aren't staying in bed all day, so get your ass up."

"Fine," I said as I sat up.

I went into the bathroom and showered then got ready for the day. By the time I walked into the living room, Ryan was already out the door. "We are going to be late," he said as he walked outside of the apartment.

"Well, you don't have to wait for me," I said as I walked behind him.

"If I left you alone, you would just crawl back in bed and try to disappear."

"You know me too well."

We took a cab to his shop right off the strip of Main Street. He unlocked the door and we went inside. It was a small place with only a few chairs and limited rooms for the piercings and tattoos. I started looking at the navel rings on the stand and wondered how much that type of piercing would hurt. People immediately began entering the shop, mostly younger guys that were already covered in tattoos. Ryan's shop was obviously very popular.

"Hey, Mark!" my brother said as they shook hands. "Back again?"

"I was wondering if you could add some to my back piece. I have an idea of what I want to do."

"Sure thing," Ryan said. He turned to me. "Mark, this is my sister, Scarlet." We shook hands and I smiled at him. He smiled back and nodded. Ryan gestured to the other man. "And this is Tony."

"It's very nice to meet you both."

"I can see the resemblance between you two," Mark said. "Are you an artist as well?" he asked me.

"No," I said quickly.

"Actually," Ryan interjected, "she is, but she isn't a tattoo artist. She's a writer."

"Very cool," Mark said as he nodded his head.

These men weren't what I was expecting. As soon as I saw men in tattoos, I immediately put up my guard, but neither of these guys stared at my chest, nor did they flirt with me. For the first time, I felt respected. Perhaps it was because my brother was standing next to me, but I still appreciated the behavior either way.

Ryan ushered Mark into a seat as the man explained what he wanted. Ryan drew a quick sketch then he began to work on Mark. I watched my brother, fascinated by his unwavering hands as they etched the needle into the skin, drawing a perfect serpent across the man's back. I had no idea how talented Ryan was. When he originally told me he wanted to be a tattoo artist, I thought it was stupid. But as I watched him concentrate on his work, I could see how much he loved his profession. The look on his face alone showed how passionate he was about his art. He wasn't smiling, but his eyes were narrowed as he watched his hands and his mind was focused on nothing but the task before him. It reminded me of myself when I edited a manuscript.

I sat in a nearby chair and watched Ryan work for the day. Even though I wasn't doing anything, I was interested in what he was doing and never felt bored. Most importantly, it kept my mind off Sean.

The door opened and I looked to see who came into the shop. Cortland smiled at me as he walked over. He was wearing jeans and a gray shirt that fit loosely around him, making him appear tight and fit.

"Hey," he said as he stood next to me and watched my brother work. "He's got some talent, huh?"

"Yeah," I said. "He really does."

"Why do you sound so surprised, Scar?" Ryan asked.

"I'm not," I said. "I've just never seen you in action before."

Ryan finished the last portion of the image then put down his needle. "What's up?" he asked Cortland.

Cortland looked at his watch. "I came to see if you wanted to get something to eat," he said. "It's lunchtime."

Ryan looked around the parlor and saw all the people waiting for their turn to get their artwork or piercing done. "I'm sorry, man. I can't today."

Cortland nodded. "I understand," he said. "We can go tomorrow."

"How about you take my sister?" Ryan asked. "Entertain her while I'm at work."

He was really starting to piss me off. "Stop treating me like a child, Ryan."

"Then stop acting like one," he snapped. He turned back to Cortland. "So, are you willing?"

"Of course," Cortland said. "I would love to."

Ryan looked at me. "Come with me, Scarlet." He led me to the back of the parlor and opened his safe. He pulled out several hundred dollar bills and handed me three of them. "Make it last," he said.

"I can't accept this," I said uncomfortably. I didn't mind him buying my stuff, but I didn't want to take money from him.

"Don't be annoying, Scarlet. Just take it. It's not a big deal. I don't want you walking around without any money."

Ashamed, I took the money and put it in my wallet. "I'll pay you back."

"I don't care if you do or don't."

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome."

We walked back to the front and Ryan shook hands with Cortland. "You can drop her off at the apartment when you're done. I am going to be busy here."

Cortland nodded. "Will do." He turned to me. "Shall we?"

I nodded and we walked out the door and to the street. Cortland walked over to an Infiniti Q60, which was pearl white, and he opened the door for me.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked when he sat in the driver's seat. "Mega-shake two days in a row?"

"Well, it would be three for me."

"How about Bottega Italiana in Pike's Market?" he asked as he drove onto the street.

"I love Italian food."

"That makes two of us."

Cortland drove across town until we found a parking spot off the road. As we walked through the market towards the restaurant, we passed tables covered in food and jewelry. I couldn't help but slow down to admire the merchandise. I had money to spend, but I couldn't allow myself to use it unless it was something that I really needed. I hated taking Ryan's money. It made me feel useless, like I couldn't support myself.

When we reached the restaurant, Cortland opened the door for me, and the hostess sat us at a table in the back.

"Is this where you and Ryan come often?" I asked as I looked at the menu.

"No," he said as he drank his water. "He usually doesn't have a lot of time, so we'll go somewhere quick. I just thought it would be fun to come here."

I smiled. "It's very nice."

"Have you been here before?"

"Yes," I said. "I came here for dinner for my high school prom."

He smiled. "I forget that you used to live here. I think of you as such a foreigner."

I laughed. "I suppose I am a foreigner. I've been living on the east coast for ten years—that's a long time."

"Which do you prefer?"

"Right now, the west coast, obviously, but the east coast is pretty fabulous."

"Why is that obvious?" he asked as he set down his menu, ready to order.

"Well, I just mean because I'm here."

The waiter came and took our orders. Cortland ordered the chicken parmesan and I ordered the raviolis.

Cortland nodded. "I miss Boston sometimes, but I missed my family too much when I was there."

"That's reasonable."

"It doesn't seem like you and Ryan are close to your family. He comes over to my parents' place for a lot of the holidays, and lately he has been spending them alone."

I felt my heart fall. "I didn't know that."

"I didn't mean to upset you."

I shook my head. "You didn't," I assured him. "I just didn't know that he spent the holidays with you."

"My family loves him—he's always welcome."

I sighed. "I should have spent more time with him."

"Isn't that why you came here?" he asked.

"No," I admitted. "I came here for a selfish reason."

Cortland stared at me, but didn't press further. I liked that Cortland understood when it was acceptable to ask questions and when it was time to back off.

"I left New York for—a lot of reasons. My boss at work was a sleezeball and treated me like shit then my friend betrayed me, and then the man that I love rejected me."

Cortland said nothing for a moment. "That sounds like enough to make anyone run away. After a while, you just can't fight any more. You have to rejuvenate before you return to battle."

"Are you suggesting that the fight isn't over?"

"Well, you just said your boss mistreated you. I think that man deserves to be reprimanded for his offenses. I'm assuming you never told anyone about the unpleasant work environment?"

The waiter brought our food and set the dishes in front of us. I suddenly lost my appetite, but I poked at my raviolis with a fork. I felt bad for downplaying the truth of what really happened, but I just met the guy. I didn't think it was wise to dump all my personal stuff on him. Ryan already seemed upset as it was. "No," I answered.

"I think you should."

"I don't have any proof."

"You can always get it," he said. "What exactly did this man do to you? Threaten you?"

I felt my body sweat in anxiety as I relived the moment of my assault. I drank from my water and dabbed my brow with my napkin. "I'm done talking about it. It really wasn't a big deal. I apologize for bringing it up."

"I'm sorry that I upset you," he said as he cut his chicken.

"There is nothing to apologize for."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Are you certain that this man doesn't love you?"

The personal question caught me by surprise. "Yes. Why?"

"I just find that hard to believe," he said. He put down his fork and looked at me. "You are beautiful and funny—great to be around. I find it unlikely that this guy just rejected you. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding."

"No," I said. "There was no misunderstanding—his intentions were clear."

"Then that's his loss."

I smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Is he responsible for your depression?"

"Yes," I sighed. "We got into a huge fight and we decided to break things off. That's when I decided to run away."

"Break things off? Does that mean you were together?"

I smiled. "No. He and I were just very close—best friends. We went out to a charity event and when we got home—things happened. The next day he slept with my friend, and I felt betrayed. He assumed that we were just a friendly fuck, but I assumed it was something more."

"That sounds reasonable."

"To be fair, he just got out of a long-term relationship. He claims I should have understood that the moment we shared was purely physical and nothing more."

"Do you guys hook up often?"

"No, that was the first." I wasn't sure why I was telling him everything, but I didn't mind being open with him. Cortland wasn't judging me, but listening to me passively, like a friend that I had known forever.

"I think you are justified in being upset, but I think this is a gray area. Maybe you should try to work it out with him."

I looked down. "I don't want to."

"Do you miss him?"

I sighed. "More than anything."

"Then work it out with him." Cortland pushed his empty plate away.

"I can't," I said.

"Why?"

"I'm madly in love with him," I said. "I can't be around him on a daily basis and feel this way. Our platonic relationship is over and can never be the same. We can't be friends like we used to—everything has changed. I either want all of him or none of him."

Cortland nodded. "You have to look after yourself first," he said. "Do you think he loves you?"

"I—I don't know," I said honestly. "There are times when I think he could."

"Only time will tell," he said.

I met his gaze and he was smiling at me. Against my inner turmoil, I smiled back and felt better for it. The waiter brought the check and Cortland handed him his card.

"Let's split the check," I offered.

"I got it, Scar," he said. I smiled at him for using my nickname, something only Sean and my brother referred to me as.

"That's unnecessary," I said as I opened my wallet. "Please let me pay for my half."

Cortland smiled at me. "Buy me a cup of coffee and we'll be even."

I sighed and put my wallet away.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yep."

We left the restaurant and Cortland held the door open for me as we walked outside and returned to the market. We marveled at the items for sale and Cortland stopped in front of a coffee shop. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Sure." I smiled.

We both ordered our drinks, but Cortland paid the cashier before I could even open my wallet. He just smiled as he took the drinks and gave me one.

"You said I could treat you to coffee."

"Well, you are just too slow."

We left the shop and explored Pike's Market, and even though I had been there countless times, I still enjoyed the atmosphere and the colorful people who worked inside.

"My first impression about you was right," I said as I drank my coffee.

He looked at me. "And what impression was that?"

"That you are a pretentious douche."

Cortland laughed. "You caught me."

"Thank you," I said.

"Of course," he said. "Call me old-fashioned, but I think a man should always be a gentleman, even if it is just his friend's sister."

"That's not what I meant," I said. "Thank you for listening to me. I'm practically a stranger and you've been so tentative and comforting to me. You bring Ryan to your family holidays and now you are taking care of me."

"It's like I already said." Cortland smiled. "Ryan is family and so are you."

"Well, I'm honored to be considered," I said.

"So has this guy called you?" he asked. "And does he have a name?"

"Sean," I said. "And no, he hasn't. I asked him not to and he has kept his word."

"Then you should make the first move."

"No," I said. "He took advantage of me—something you should never do to your best friend. I don't want to see him or speak to him, unless he wants something more with me."

"How long have you felt this way?"

"I really don't know," I said. "It just dawned on me recently. I'm not sure why I never noticed it before."

Cortland nodded. "Sometimes it takes one instance to have something snap in your mind—rearrange your head—and make you realize what has always been there."

"I guess so." I nodded.

"Are you going to try to move on from him?" he asked. "Date other guys?"

"Yes." I sighed. "I will eventually. I would rather be over him without dating anyone. I am in no place to start dating, but I don't want to think about Sean anymore. I want to forget about him." Maybe that's what Sean was thinking when he slept with me. Now I understood his actions.

"That's understandable," he said. "Just take it one day at a time."

"You're right," I said. I looked over at him and watched him drink his coffee. Cortland was looking at a couple sitting together on a bench but his smile dropped as he watched them. I wasn't sure why the sight bothered him. He reminded me of Sean in many ways with his sense of chivalry and his ability to understand my feelings, but he looked nothing like him. Cortland's cheekbones were high and he has a curved face similar to mine, and his lips were thin. His handsome features and built physique made me wonder if he had a girlfriend, but I decided not to ask. Cortland had never revealed anything personal about himself, and I decided it would be unfair to question him. After all, he only asked me because I revealed information to him initially.

"Are you ready to go back to the apartment?" he asked as he tossed his empty cup into a garbage can.

"Yes," I said.

We walked back to the car then drove to Ryan's apartment across town. Cortland parked the car and walked me to the door, like the gentlemen that he was.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked. "Ryan should be home soon."

Cortland thought for a moment. He stared at me with his green eyes and I could tell he was thinking about something, but what that was, I would never know. "I should probably get back to work," he said finally. "Have a good day." He turned and walked to the elevator then disappeared behind the doors. I inserted my key in the lock and slipped inside the apartment.

I went straight to my room. I pulled my phone from my purse and looked at the screen, but there were no missed calls or texts from Sean. I hated how pathetic I had become, thinking about Sean to the exclusion of everything else. I also hated how much I missed him. I didn't want to feel that way anymore—so depressed and hollow. I wanted to forget about Sean and move on. He didn't want me and he was never going to—it was never going to happen.

A few hours later, I heard the front door open and knew Ryan was home. I didn't get up or move from my spot on the bed. It wasn't that late, but there was nowhere else I would rather be than in my bed. Ryan opened my bedroom door a few minutes later, and lay on the floor in his sleeping bag without saying anything for a while. I just listened to him breathe in the darkness. I counted the number of breaths in a minute, trying to keep my mind off Sean.

"Did you have fun today?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Where did you and Cortland go?"

"Pike's Market," I answered.

Ryan nodded. "Business was crazy today. I'm not sure why so many people came in. It was one of the busiest days I've had."

"That's because you are an amazing artist."

"I know you don't approve of my career choice, so you can drop the act, Scar."

I sighed. "I just think you are better than that, Ryan. I don't mean to offend you. You are one of the smartest men I know."

"I don't see the relevance. Doing something you don't love is stupid. Inking is what I care about, something I'm passionate about. My artwork is everything to me. I would be a fucking idiot if I decided to become a lawyer simply because I have the brains to do so."

"But you don't even have any tattoos."

"Once again, I don't see the relevance," he said. "Just because I don't have any ink doesn't mean I don't respect and appreciate the art form. Personally, I just don't want one. I find the human body to be perfect without any markings."

"And isn't that a direct contradiction to your profession?"

"No," he said. "That would be imposing my beliefs on others, something I will never do. I really wish you would respect my career choice. I make enough money to have a comfortable lifestyle, and most importantly, I'm happy. Who cares about a flashy job and wads of cash if you hate life? I'm very proud of you for graduating Harvard with almost perfect honors, but does it really matter? In the end, you can't take that diploma with you."

I thought about his words for a moment. I agreed with his message and was partly mesmerized by it. Ryan was a carefree spirit that everyone loved and adored. I never met a single person who didn't like him.

"You sound like a hippie." I smiled.

"Thank you," he said. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was meant to be one."

Ryan stared at the ceiling and tapped his fingers against his chest like a song was stuck in his head. I looked at him lying on the floor then closed my eyes. Having both Cortland and Ryan as companions made the experience more bearable. I was so fortunate that I had them to care for me. I remembered what Cortland said about my brother spending the holidays with him and his family.

"I'm sorry I didn't come home last year," I whispered.

"It's okay, Scar," he whispered. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm still sorry."

"I know," he said. "So what will you do now, Scar? Just lie in your bed until the end of time?"

"I don't know, Ryan."

"I think you should pursue something. Cortland and I can only entertain you for so long—we've got jobs and lives. I want you to dedicate yourself to something so it will make you happy, like how my tattoo shop has helped me."

I nodded. "You're right," I said. "I hate being depressed as much as you hate seeing me depressed."

"I doubt it," he said. "I can assure you it hurts me a lot more. I hate knowing that I can't help you in this—it's out of my control."

I finally closed my eyes and so did Ryan. I heard his phone ring, but I didn't open my eyes, choosing to stay in a semi-dream state. I felt Ryan move from the floor and leave the room, but I still kept my eyes shut, choosing to stay asleep.

19

Sean

When I got back to my apartment, I went into my room and scrolled through the contacts in my cell phone until I found Ryan's number. My heart relaxed when I saw his name. I had no idea where Scar was, but if she was going to run, I knew she would head to him first. He was the only family she had left in the world—other than myself—and I prayed she was with him. I knew he would keep her safe.

I realized it was late there, almost midnight, but I didn't care. I had to call. It rang a few times before Ryan answered. I could tell that he wasn't sleeping by the sound of his voice, but he did sound tired, like he had just been running.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hey, Ryan. It's Sean."

I heard the smile in his voice. "I was wondering when you would call."

I felt my body relax. Scarlet must be with him. "Is she there?"

"Yes," he said. "She's sleeping in her room. Do you want to talk to her?"

"No," I said quickly. "No. Don't tell her I called."

"Why?" he asked. "She told me what happened between you two. She seems really upset about it—I've never seen her look worse. I sincerely hope that there is more to this story. No offense buddy, but you come off as an ass."

"Yes," he said. "Of course, there's more."

"So tell me," he said.

I felt awkward. I didn't want to discuss having sex with his sister. I knew they were close, but that was crossing a line, in my opinion.

"I already know you slept together," he said. "If that's what you are worried about."

I sighed. "I had no idea how she felt about me. I thought it was just—platonic. She never told me how she felt. And when I hooked up with her friend, she told me Scarlet didn't have feelings for me. I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong. And she didn't tell me all the shit that was going on at work. She kept me in the dark because she already knew how depressed I was." I thought about telling Ryan about her boss and that I may have killed him, but I decided not to. It was so disturbing that I didn't even want to know about it. "I'm sorry to bother you, Ryan. I just had to make sure she was safe. She just took off without saying a word to me. I didn't realize how upset she was until now. She moved all the way to the other side of the country to get away from me—she must hate me."

"I think only love would drive her that far away from you," Ryan said. "She told me she can forgive you for what you did, but it's too hard to see you every day. She is totally in love with you. If she can't have you in the way she wants, then she wants nothing to do with you. So I suggest you leave her alone unless you want to be with her."

"I do want to be with her."

"You mean that?" he asked. "You want to be committed to her? I don't want you to fuck with her feelings. If you want her, then come be with her. But if you aren't sure, please don't waste her time. You will just hurt her more."

"You're right," I agreed. "I don't want to cause her anymore pain."

"Good," he said. "And besides, are you still in a bunch of emotional shit with Penelope?"

"Yes," I said. "Please don't remind me."

"Forget about her, Sean. She's a fucking bitch anyway."

"I'm trying," I said. "So what's new with you? You still have the tat shop?"

"Yeah," he said. "Business is great. People love permanently fucking up their bodies."

"You still don't have a tat?"

"Nope," he said. "Nothing catches my eye."

We sat on the phone for a minute and I couldn't think of anything else to say. I wanted to talk to Scarlet, but knew I couldn't. "I'll let you go," I said. "Do you mind if I call you to check on her?"

"No," he said. "I don't mind in the least."

"And can this be confidential? I promised Scarlet I wouldn't contact her."

"It will be our secret, man."

"Thanks."

"Yeah," he said.

I hung up the phone. I was relieved Scarlet was safe and in the company of someone who would look after her, but I also felt immensely depressed. I couldn't believe she just took off without saying a word to me. I was still mad at Scarlet for not telling me about Penelope, that the bitch was cheating on me, but now that seemed irrelevant. I knew that I wanted to be with Scarlet. Without her, I was nothing. I just wished it didn't take a catastrophe to figure it out. But I had to wait. I didn't want to go to Scarlet until I was certain of my feelings for her. I decided to give it time. I knew she wouldn't date someone else, not when she was so upset, and she wasn't the type of girl that went on random dates. She hadn't had a boyfriend—a real boyfriend—since I had known her. She was on and off with some guy from college, a man I didn't really like, and she eventually ended it after I told her I didn't trust him. I wasn't worried about her moving on, and even if she did, I knew she would leave them for me. I was the one for her. It was obvious.

20

Scarlet

I was searching for editing positions on my laptop all day. Ryan went to work in the morning like he usually did, and I heard the door slam behind him when he came home in the afternoon. I didn't realize so much time had passed and I jumped when he came into the living room.

"We are going out tonight," he said as he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and closed it behind him. He popped off the top and practically chugged the bottle.

"No, thank you," I said. Editing positions were limited, even in Seattle, and I wasn't going to give up until I found something. Sean was constantly on my mind and I needed a distraction. Cortland and Ryan were great to have around, but my brother was right. They could only fight my demons for so long.

"Come on," he said as he rubbed my shoulders. "Go out with us."

"Who is us?"

"Me and some friends," he said. "Maybe you'll meet someone that you like."

I shook my head. "I'm just not in the mood, Ryan. It's too soon for me. Besides, I'm looking for editing positions online."

Ryan seemed to accept my reason because he stood up and went into his room. I sighed as I watched him disappear from the living room. Networking and socializing sounded horrific, and I had no interest at all in doing that. I could imagine myself standing at the bar wearing a tight dress and people hitting on me every few minutes. That didn't sound like fun at all. I wanted to move on from Sean, but I preferred not to do it with some stranger I met at a bar. I would want to know the guy at least.

Ryan came back into the living room an hour later. "Are you sure you don't want to come along?"

"Yes." I smiled. "Please go have fun. You deserve a night out."

"Yeah," he said. "Babysitting gets old after a while."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm bringing a girl back—just so you know. Be prepared."

"You sure are confident in your abilities," I said sarcastically.

"Have you seen me?" he asked with a smile. "I know we are related, but you've got to admit that I'm hot. We share the same genes after all."

I laughed as I shook my head. "Have fun, Ryan. And please be safe."

"I always am." Ryan left the apartment and locked the door behind him. The silence of the apartment was deafening and made me depressed. I didn't want Ryan to leave me alone, but I knew I could never ask him to stay. He had already done so much for me. I turned on the television just so there would be background noise, and I focused my thoughts on my computer, not Sean.

A knock on the door made me flinch. Dread filled my heart as I realized I was alone in the apartment. I couldn't think of anyone who would come over that late on a Friday night. When I walked to the door, I could see Cortland's features through the peephole. He was wearing a tight fitting blue sweater and plain jeans. He looked incredibly handsome.

I opened the door for him with a smile. He smiled at me and I realized that I was wearing my yoga pants and a plain sweater. Suddenly, I felt awkward and unattractive, sitting alone in an apartment on a Friday night. "Hey," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Ryan and I are going out," he said as he walked through the doorway. I closed the door behind him and followed him into the living room. He looked around for Ryan but didn't see him. "Is he still getting ready?"

"He left a few minutes ago," I said. The imagined sight of my loose fitting sweater and my messy hair made me self-conscious. I crossed my arms over my chest, embarrassed. I never cared about how I looked, but I suddenly felt concerned about my appearance in front of Cortland.

Cortland took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. He sighed. "We were supposed to meet at the bar. I misread his message." He returned the phone to his jeans. "No big deal," he said. Cortland finally met my gaze and I stared at the contours of his body through his shirt, but then pulled my gaze away when I realized how obvious I was being. I didn't know if it was because I was incredibly lonely or he just looked attractive dressed up, but I noticed him in a different way than before.

"Well, let's get going," he said. "The town is waiting for us."

"I'm not going," I said as I sat on the couch. I grabbed my laptop and pulled it to my lap. "But I hope you have a good time."

Cortland sat beside me on the couch. "Come on," he said as he patted my thigh. "I promise that you'll have fun. If guys try to hit on you, I will intervene."

"It's not that." I sighed. "I just don't feel like socializing with a bunch of people I don't know, and drinking until my mind becomes blurry. I'm just not ready for that. I'm still taking baby steps."

Cortland nodded. "Well, then I'll take you out. I promise you'll have a good time." He smiled at me and I couldn't resist his charms. I smiled back.

"Don't let me spoil your plans," I said. "Go out and have a good time. Please don't worry about me."

He shook his head. "You are coming with me and that's final," he said. "Now get dressed."

"What's wrong with that I'm wearing?"

"Are you serious?" he said with a laugh.

"No." I smiled. "But I really don't feel like going out."

"Let's just go to dinner and we'll have some wine when we get back. We'll bring the party to us."

"Why are you doing this, Cortland?" I asked seriously.

He met my gaze and didn't say anything for a moment. "You are my friend," he said. "Besides, I enjoy spending time with you. I'm not just hanging out with you because I pity you."

"So you do pity me a little?" I smiled.

He looked me up and down and pointed to the wrinkles on my sweater. "Do I even need to answer that?" I laughed at his words and he smiled at me, happy that he could cheer me up. "Now go change."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Does it matter?"

"Well, it determines what I'm going to wear."

"How about Mega-Shake?" he asked.

I nodded. "That sounds good." I was glad we weren't going anywhere fancy. I wasn't in the mood for fine dining. I changed into jeans and a blouse with a brown jacket over it. I wore heeled boots that made me seem slightly taller.

When I came back into the room, he smiled at me. "You look nice," he said. "You look like a whole new woman."

I walked to the door and opened it. "You should see me when I actually try to look good."

He laughed. "I'll look forward to it."

I locked the door behind us and we walked to the car. Cortland opened the door for me then drove us to Mega-Shake. When we got out of the car, he opened the door to the restaurant and allowed me to walk inside first.

"I'm paying this time," I said. I glared at him until he smiled.

"Okay," he said.

We stood in line then ordered our food. I took out the cash Ryan gave me, but Cortland handed the cashier the twenty and said, "You can keep the change if you take it." The employee took the money with a smile on her face and put it in the register.

Cortland walked away and took a seat by the window.

"I can't believe you did that," I said as I followed him.

"I'm a generous tipper—I know."

I shook my head. "Why won't you let me pay?" I asked. "It's not like I'm your girlfriend."

My words seemed to make him uncomfortable because he shifted his weight and looked away from me. "I just don't like it when women pay. Call me old-fashioned, but that's how I am. Besides, I dragged you here. I may as well pay for your dinner."

"You really are pretentious," I mocked.

"Are we playing the pretentious game, Miss Harvard alumni?"

I smiled at him. "My favorite restaurant is a greasy burger joint. I am definitely not a snob."

"Well, this is my favorite place, too."

"I never would have thought that," I said with a laugh.

Cortland picked up our food from the counter. He placed mine in front of me then sat across from me. He immediately ate his fries and half of his burger within a minute.

"How do you stay in such great shape?" I asked.

"It's called a gym membership." He smiled.

"I haven't been in a while. I should start going again."

"It helps me relieve stress but I prefer playing basketball with Ryan. It's a lot more fun that way."

The fries were crunchy and the burger was cooked to perfection, so I ate everything on my plate even though I hardly ever finished a meal. I was ready for my Mega-Shake, but I decided to take a break before I ordered one.

"You are in great shape as well," he noted. "You have a great body."

"That's just my metabolism. I can't take credit for that."

"Well, you look good."

I smiled at him but he looked away, watching the people in the restaurant. Cortland didn't meet my gaze for a while, and I wondered if I'd made him uncomfortable in some way. A look of despair would cross his face at random times, and I wasn't sure what it meant or what he was thinking.

"Do you have someone?" I asked.

He finally looked at me. Cortland was silent for a moment. "What?" he asked.

"Do you have someone to talk to?"

A smile stretched over his lips and I knew he understood my words. They were the same ones he had said to me a few days earlier. "Not really," he said.

"What about Ryan?"

"Guys don't talk about stuff like that."

"Well, how about me?" I asked. "I am your friend, right?"

"Yes, you are." He smiled.

I waited for him to confess his thoughts, but he never did. I assumed he wasn't ready or comfortable discussing the cause of his sadness so I let it go. We still hadn't ordered our milkshakes and I decided I could pay for this at least. Last time he got chocolate, so I would order that again. I got up and approached the register.

"Can I have two chocolate mega-shakes please?" I opened my wallet when I heard the register open and the drawer move. Cortland was standing next to me, coming from nowhere, and the woman was already handing him his change. He showered me with a smile then returned to our table on the other side of the restaurant. Just when I thought I was going to get away with paying for something, Cortland swooped in and took that away from me. I grabbed the shakes from the counter and set them on the table.

"I know you are trying to be a gentleman, but now you are just being a jerk."

He looked at me for a moment. "Why don't you just respect my wishes and stop trying?"

"Because your wishes are stupid," I snapped.

"Well, your demand for feminism is stupid," he said. He drank from his cup and put it down. "I like to treat a girl with respect and take care of her. There is nothing wrong with that. And you aren't just some girl that I hardly know—you are my best friend's sister. Of course I'm going to take care of you. I suggest you just give up and drop this offended charade."

I sighed and drank from my milkshake. We didn't say anything for several minutes and it was starting to become awkward. Cortland tapped his fingers against the table like he was drumming, and I kept staring outside the window, watching the people walk by. We were waiting for the other to apologize first, but I wasn't going to give in. I suddenly realized that I had never thanked him for lunch the other day, or for the dinner we had now. In fact, Cortland had done a lot of things that I hadn't thanked him for. When I got to Seattle, I needed someone to take care of me. Why was I only willing to accept Ryan's hospitality but not his?

"Thank you for taking me out to dinner, and for lunch the other day," I said. "I'm sorry I forgot to mention that."

He smiled at me triumphantly. "You are welcome, Scar."

"Only my brother and Sean call me that," I said.

"Does it bother you?"

"No," I said quickly. "I like it when you call me that—you have a right to."

He smiled at me then finished off his shake. "Are you ready to pick up some wine and head back to the apartment?"

"We don't have to get wine—we can get something else."

"I like wine," he said. "Good wine—not that gross stuff that is cheaper than milk."

I made a disgusted face. "You've actually tried it?"

"I used to be twenty-one once upon a time."

I laughed. "Okay, let's go."

We went by a liquor store and Cortland chose the bottle from the shelf. "This one is good," he said as he walked to the register. I was going to grab my wallet when I abandoned the idea. Cortland watched me look in my purse, daring me to try anything.

"I give up." I sighed.

Cortland handed the money over and pocketed the change. "It's about time."

Cortland drove us back to the apartment and parked on the side of the road. When I climbed out of his car, I felt the cold air of Seattle hit my face and make me shiver from the chill. I was glad we were going inside.

I unlocked the door and we both walked into the apartment. Cortland grabbed a bottle opener from the drawer, knowing exactly where it was, and poured two glasses. He handed me one and I sat on the couch while he sat next to me.

"I'll admit that drinking at home is nicer than being at a bar," he said. "It's not so loud."

"And there aren't peanut shells everywhere."

He raised an eyebrow. "What kind of bars do you go to?" he asked with a laugh. "A redneck bar?"

I almost spit out my wine from laughing so hard. The alcohol was already taking its toll on my mind and everything seemed funnier, comical. My laugh was infectious because Cortland started to giggle at the sight of me laughing, and we were both trying to catch our breath after a few minutes.

"Thank you," I said as I wiped away my tears of laughter. "I haven't laughed like that since...I can remember."

"Well, it wasn't that funny so you can thank yourself." He smiled.

I grabbed his arm. "I mean it, Cortland. You have been so sweet to me and made this transition so much easier. I feel like I can rely on you just as much as my own brother."

He stared at me and read the sincerity in my eyes. "I'm glad I could help you out, Scarlet. You've improved so much since you first got here. I'm sure Ryan never told you, but he was really worried about you. He was panicking."

"I feel awful." I sighed. "I hate hurting him."

Cortland shrugged. "It's inevitable," he said. "But don't worry. If Ryan left you alone tonight, he must think you're better."

"But I'm not," I whispered. "I hate being alone. I can't even sleep unless Ryan is next to me. I miss Sean so much, Cortland." I drank the rest of my glass and put it down. All the emotions of the past few weeks became heightened and they tugged on my soul, pushing me to the verge of tears. The horrifying event at work still disturbed me so much that I couldn't sleep, and the absence of Sean made me immobile.

Cortland put down his glass and wrapped me in his arms. "It will get easier—I promise." I rested my face in his neck and enjoyed the scent of his body, which smelled like Hugo Boss cologne, and the feel of his strong arms around me made me feel safe. I really trusted and felt close to Cortland. He chased away the painful thoughts in my mind and I wanted him to make them stay away permanently.

I pulled away from him, but my face was close to his. His breath fell upon my face and I could smell the wine we were drinking. I didn't realize how dark the apartment was until then. Most of the lights were off, with the exception of the kitchen light, which was a few feet away. Cortland didn't move away from me as I stared at his lips. They were thin and kissable, and I wondered how they would feel against my mouth, warm and smooth to the touch. I wanted Sean, but I was never going to have him. It was time to move on. I leaned in and pressed my mouth against his. Cortland didn't respond at first. His body became rigid at my advance, but after a moment, his mouth moved against mine. I slipped my tongue into his parted lips and heard Cortland moan at my touch. He leaned over me until I was lying on the couch. His chest was solid against my stomach and I wanted to see his body. I tugged his shirt over his head and felt his body with my hands. The moment was becoming more intense and carnal as we kissed on the sofa. Cortland grabbed my breast under my shirt, squeezing gently, then he played with my nipples with his thumb. I wrapped my legs around his waist and felt his erection against my pelvis, hard and defined in his jeans. When I reached up to unbutton his pants, Cortland pulled away and steadied my hand with his own. His breaths were short and quick. He leaned over me for a moment as he thought to himself. The apprehension in his eyes was evident, and I knew he wanted to end this, but I wasn't ready to let go. I started kissing his neck and trailing my lips to his chest. My lips moved to his ear.

"I want you, Cortland," I whispered. I couldn't believe I actually said those words but I meant them—really meant them. Cortland closed his eyes but he didn't kiss me again. I knew he was battling for his logic to take over. He didn't want to betray Ryan and I understood that, but I also felt like it was none of his business who I slept with. I initiated everything and it was clear I didn't want anything from Cortland—except for him to be inside of me. My fingers scratched down his back as I pulled him towards me. After a brief moment of hesitation, Cortland was kissing me again with more passion and desire than before. He gathered me in his arms and carried me to my bedroom while kissing me the entire way. Cortland kicked the door closed behind him and then lay me on the bed. My shirt was torn from my body then he unclasped my bra. Cortland stared at my tits for a moment and I felt aroused by the look of longing on his face. I unbuttoned his pants then slid them down his legs. I pulled down his boxers, revealing him completely.

I stared at him while he pulled down my pants and removed my underwear. He leaned over me and kissed me gently. "You are beautiful, Scarlet," he whispered. He pulled my legs apart and leaned over me. I was ready for him—more than ready.

"Do you have a condom?" he asked.

"No," I said. "But I'm covered."

I continued to kiss him, wondering if he would stop because we didn't have protection, but I was willing to risk that he was clean. He didn't seem like the type of guy that slept around, despite our current activities. Cortland leaned over me and I felt his wide chest on top of my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him. My body stretched as I felt him enter me and I moaned happily.

"Cortland." I breathed.

He was entirely within me. He rocked into me gently at first, but then he picked up his pace and I found myself riding my pleasure instantly. My nails scratched his back as he made me come. I cried out his name as he continued to fuck me, making me feel aroused again even though I was spent.

"Fuck me, Cortland."

"Scarlet," he said as he plunged deep inside me. "I am fucking you."

I grabbed his ass. "Fuck me harder."

He increased his thrust. "I love how tight you are."

"I love how big you are."

He moaned at my words. "I'm almost there."

"Come on, come for me."

"You're so wet."

"That because you are making me wet."

He moaned. "I'm gonna come." Cortland's body began to tighten as he thrust inside of me and I knew he was about to let himself go. "Cortland," I whispered into his ear. "Come inside me. I want to feel you." The sound of my words drove him to the edge and he released inside of me with a final thrust. I felt the sweat on his chest with my fingers as he collapsed on top of me. He was still catching his breath after a moment. I kissed his forehead as he lay there. Then Cortland rose from the bed and sat up with a look of fear in his eyes, obviously understanding what had just come to pass. I wrapped my arms around his body and kissed his back, trying to comfort him.

"It's okay," I said. "I enjoyed it."

"Me too," he said.

"You don't have to go," I said. "Nothing has to change between us."

"I need to leave." He got up and dressed himself quickly. Cortland rushed out of my bedroom and down the hall. The slamming of the front door was the only sound I heard and I knew he was gone.

21

When I woke up the next morning, I felt rested and satisfied. Even though Ryan wasn't there, I was able to sleep and knew Cortland was responsible for that. I felt better when Cortland and I were together. I certainly wasn't thinking about Sean, but now I felt empty and incomplete. Cortland's odd behavior had disturbed me. Had I offended him? I needed to talk to him about what we did, but I decided to give him some space first.

The sound of the refrigerator door made me realize that Ryan was awake and eating breakfast. The clock on the night stand said it was almost noon so I knew he had been out late. When I walked into the kitchen, I was surprised to see, not Ryan, but some girl that was only wearing one of his shirts. She was covered in tattoos of snakes and spiders. She ate her breakfast at the table, but didn't say anything to me or even glance at me. Her cheeks were pierced as well as both of her eyebrows. She was very beautiful with a slim figure, but her tattoos were too distracting.

Ryan walked into the kitchen and yawned. "Good morning," he said to me as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Good morning," I said from my stagnant spot in the kitchen. I realized I was standing there awkwardly, not doing anything, so I decided to make a bowl of cereal. They both sat at the kitchen table and ate quietly. Ryan read the paper while the girl played with her phone. My brother didn't introduce me to the girl, and I assumed it was because I would never see her again anyway—what was the point?

"What did you do last night?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly. I wasn't going to mention Cortland. He would be mad—insanely mad.

"Did you find any editing jobs?"

"No."

"Do what Cortland said—make your own editing website. You have enough experience to operate solo."

I shook my head. "I don't know," I said as I stirred my spoon around my bowl. "I don't even know how to make a website."

"Well, it's a good thing I have a friend that does," he said. "I'll call Cortland and ask him to help."

My heart started pounding in my chest. I didn't think Ryan talking to Cortland right then was the best idea. "No," I said. "I'll think of something else."

"Scarlet, I need to push you," he said. "I've let you mope around with your problems, but now I've got to help you get back on your feet. Cortland won't mind helping you."

"Calling isn't necessary," I said with my hand outstretched. "I'll just ask him later."

Ryan pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear. "Too late," he said. "Hey, what the hell happened to you last night?"

My heart wouldn't stop pounding. That conversation could go in any direction.

"Well, I'm glad you are feeling better."

I sighed in relief.

"Can you help my sister out if you are up to it?" he asked. "She needs her website designed. Can you meet her today?" He paused as he listened to Cortland speak. "I'll tell her," he said. He hung up the phone and looked at me. "Cortland said he'll meet you at Mega-Shake in an hour."

I sighed. "Okay." After Cortland's odd behavior and quick departure, I wasn't sure what he would say. But since he agreed to meet me, I assumed he wasn't too upset. Even though I was aggressive in persuading him to sleep with me, I hadn't done anything wrong. Cortland was worried about my brother, but he had no reason to fear him—it was my personal life.

I left the kitchen and got ready for the afternoon. I showered and styled my hair, and wore a long sweater dress with some tall boots. My brown hair curled down to my breasts and framed around my face. I packed my laptop in my bag before I hopped in a taxi to the restaurant. I was surprised that Ryan let me go by myself. He rarely let me do anything alone.

When I walked into Mega-Shake, Cortland was sitting in the same booth as he was last night. The skin of his face looked stretched, like he was stressed about something, and his thin lips were pressed tightly together. His normally buoyant and happy personality was nonexistent. I didn't realize how much I had damaged our friendship until then.

"Hey," I said.

He leaned back in his chair and nodded to me but didn't speak.

I sat across from him, but he didn't make eye contact. His gaze was in my direction, but he didn't lock onto mine.

I stared at him for a moment. "Tell me what's bothering you, Cortland. I don't expect anything from you, if that's what you are worried about. I have no intention of telling Ryan anything—it's none of his business."

Cortland leaned forward and dropped his face in his hands. He took a deep sigh before looking at me. "It's not you, Scarlet. I'm not mad at you."

"Are you worried about Ryan, then?"

"Yes," he said. "But that isn't why I'm upset."

"Then what's the problem, Cortland?" I asked. "Last night was just a fuck—that's it. I'm just depressed over Sean. There is no reason we should get emotional about it."

"It's not that either, Scarlet." He sighed. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" I asked.

"I have a girlfriend."

I stared at him for a moment, unsure of what he said. "You have a girlfriend?"

He nodded.

"And you cheated on her?"

"And I enjoyed every moment of it."

"I feel horrible," I said. "I had no idea."

"It isn't your fault, Scar. It's mine. I let this happen. I should have told you sooner."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "Our relationship has been dead for a while. I just haven't had the courage to end it, and she is just as pathetic as I am. We are both afraid to start over because we've invested so much time in this relationship—which isn't an excuse. It doesn't justify what I did, but it is a factor in my choice."

"Are you happy with her?"

"Not anymore," he whispered. "I don't feel anything. I see other couples on the street and I wonder why we can't be that way. We've discussed it before, but nothing has changed. I feel like we just fell out of love—it's gone."

"Then I think you should end it, Cortland," I said. "After you tell her what happened."

"I don't know if I should," he said. "I want to stay friends with her. I doubt that's possible if she knows I cheated on her. We have a lot of mutual friends."

I leaned forward and grabbed his hand. "Cortland, I know you are a great guy—an annoying gentleman that likes to take care of a girl—and this isn't like you. You need to do the right thing." He stroked my fingers with his own. "You have to be honest with her."

"I know," he said. "She deserves that, I guess. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already cheated on me."

"That doesn't matter," I said. "You aren't sleazy like that."

"Thank you," he said. "For making me feel better even though I'm an asshole."

"How long have you been unhappy?" I asked.

"At least a year," he said.

"That's a long time."

"I know," he said. "I wasted a lot of time with her. I want to find someone that makes my heart beat, you know?"

"Well, look for her. I am sure you'll find her. You are a great catch, Cortland. Plus, you are amazing in bed."

Cortland finally smiled. "You really know how to compliment a guy," he said.

"When are you going to tell her?" I asked.

"Soon," he said. "Then I have to tell Ryan."

"Why do we have to tell him at all?"

"He is my best friend, Scar," he said. "I can't hide something like that from him."

"It's none of his business," I snapped.

"If you weren't so depressed then I might agree with you," he said. "But I have to tell him the truth—that I took advantage of you. I'm not sure if he will forgive me."

"You didn't take advantage of me," I said. "I wanted it, Cortland—bad. When I'm with you, I don't think about Sean. If anything, I'm using you. Please don't tell him, Cortland. All you're going to do is cause unnecessary drama."

"I'll think about it," he said.

I leaned back. "Thank you."

"So, you need some help making a website?" he asked. "I'm glad you are pursuing this editing company. I think it's a great idea."

I shrugged. "I guess."

"Do you want to do this at my apartment?" he asked. "I like Mega-Shake, but I think I need to eat something store-bought. I'm a little sick of eating out."

"Sure," I said. "It won't be so noisy there either."

"Okay, let's go," he said.

Cortland drove us to his apartment on the other side of town, near Ryan's shop. We walked to the third floor of his building and he opened the door for me. It was a small apartment, about the size of Ryan's, but it was decorated with modern art. The place was dimly lit and had a romantic feel to it.

"You have a nice place," I said as I sat at the kitchen table.

"Thank you," he said as he opened his Mac and sat beside me. "So, let's get started. Having a professional-looking and legitimate website will really get people to notice you and take you, and your qualifications for the job, seriously." I nodded to him. "How about I just start playing around with the design and as I go along, you tell me what you like and don't like?"

"That sounds good."

"Well, what's the name going to be? I need to make a web address for it."

I thought for a moment but couldn't think of anything off the top of my head. "I haven't decided," I said.

"That's okay," he said as he typed on his computer. "We'll change it later." I saw him type Miss Scarlet's Quick Edits, and I liked the name he chose. Cortland added different colors on the screen and changed the font a few times until I had a professional webpage that could compete with a multi-billion dollar business. I was very impressed by his abilities.

He and I worked on the website for several hours until he deemed it to be perfect. I was very happy with the end product. He set up an email account for me that was connected to the website so I would be notified of interested clients immediately.

"Let me know when you want to change the name," he said. "Just call me and I'll change it from my computer."

"Actually, I'm going to keep the name."

He smiled. "Good. I like it, too."

Cortland turned off his computer and closed the screen. "So, what would you like for lunch? I can serve a mean fettuccini alfredo." He smiled at me and I felt attracted to him again. I knew it couldn't happen again because he had a girlfriend, even if he was going to break up with her, so I looked away.

"Isn't that just sauce and noodles?" I teased.

"Yes," he said. "What's your point?"

"That sounds lovely."

"Good," he said as he rose from his seat. He started working in the kitchen and I decided to help him. Even if he was a good cook, I was certain that I was better. He boiled the water and I heated the sauce in the pan, adding cheese, spices, and a little bit of milk for some flavor. After a few minutes, we were eating at the table while we drank glasses of water. Last time we had alcohol, things got a little out of hand.

"I'm not sure if you do any writing," he said after he wiped his mouth. "But I have a friend that runs a local magazine here in Seattle that offers insights on public attractions and nightlife here in the city. I know it isn't exactly every writer's dream, but you can make some extra cash by writing a good article. I could call in a favor."

I smiled at him. "That is very sweet, Cortland. You're right. It's not really something that I would want to do long term, but at this point, I'll take anything. Now that I'm starting my own editing company, I have to get my name out there."

He nodded. "I'll call him up then. Where did you used to work?"

"R and R Publishing."

"Okay," he said. "We'll also need to get a business license for the company as well as a company logo."

"And how much is that?" I asked.

"Well, the business license will probably be around three hundred dollars and I'm not sure about the logo—that could be anything."

"Can't we just skip that?"

He smiled at me. "The government would fine you and shut down your business if they found out you were making revenue without paying them first," he said. "It's only a few hundred dollars."

"For you," I snapped.

He stared at me and I felt bad for attacking him, especially since he was just trying to help me.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to get angry."

"Do you need money, Scar?" he asked. "I am more than willing to give you what you need."

"No, I'm fine," I said. "So, when are you going to call the guy?"

"I can call him now if you want." He laughed.

I smiled at him.

"Now it is," he said. He pulled out his phone and walked away, talking in the other room. The living room had one coffee table in front of the television, and his tables were covered in pictures of his family and friends. One picture was of Cortland and his mom, or an older woman that I assumed was his mom. I wondered if he had any pictures of his girlfriend, but I decided not to be nosey.

Cortland's footsteps could be heard against the floorboards. "You're welcome." He smiled. "He said he'll email you the specifics of what he wants. I gave him the email that is connected to your website."

I jumped up and hugged him tightly, wrapping my arms around his neck. Cortland held me for a moment and I felt the static in the air, the sexual tension that seemed to spring up from nowhere. I knew Cortland didn't want to repeat the rendezvous we had the night before since he was still in a relationship, so I lowered my arms and pulled away. Cortland didn't release his hold around my waist and I felt his lips on mine, kissing me gently. I returned the embrace without thinking. I never thought about Sean when I was with Cortland, and it was an easy way out, an easy way to feel better.

I ran my hands through his hair as he pulled me closer to him. His hand slid under my shirt and grazed the small of my back as he moved up towards my breasts and under my bra. Cortland was making me feel weak and confused as he touched me. I wanted this to end, but not as much as I wanted it to continue. It was something that I needed, something that eased the pain. Cortland guided me towards his bedroom and I stripped off his clothes as we walked, yanking off his shirt then his pants. Cortland lifted up my dress then pulled it from my body as he laid me on the bed. The bedroom was dark and cold and his sheets were soft to the touch. I felt my body relax as I sunk into the mattress. Cortland pulled down my panties then pulled my feet to his chest as he leaned over me.

"I love fucking you," he said to me. "I can't stop."

"I know," I said as I pulled him toward me. "I want you inside me."

"You're so gorgeous. I can't wait to feel you."

"Yeah." I moaned.

Cortland inserted himself within me and we moved in sync. Cortland gripped my shoulders as he pushed his girth all the way inside. I ran my hands through his hair as I stared at him while he fucked me. My tits shook as he pounded into me and he just stared at them.

"I love your tits, Scarlet."

"And I love your cock, Cortland."

He moaned. "Yeah, baby." He increased his thrusts and I tightened around him. He was as far as he could go and I started to shake. It felt so good that I couldn't even feel guilty for what I was doing.

"Yeah, Cortland. Oh god, yes." I found my orgasm quickly, screaming his name while I came, and Cortland thrust himself inside of me hard and fast until he got off. It was the most aggressive sex I'd ever had. I listened to Cortland moan like an animal as he lifted my hips from the bed and pounded into me. The sweat dripped from his chest and made my feet slip as he rocked into me. Cortland started to moan my name as he came inside of me, making his final thrusts as he found his pleasure. He leaned over for a moment as he rode the high until the sensation was done.

It was over as soon as it began. Cortland lay beside me, covered in his own sweat, as he caught his breath. The room was suddenly very quiet, and I felt the guilt run through my body as I thought about what just happened. It wasn't just the fact that Cortland had a girlfriend, but I knew that I was lying to Ryan by sleeping with his best friend, and possibly messing up their friendship just because I was depressed. I was being so selfish to risk their friendship. Cortland was there for Ryan when I should have been. I screwed over both of my friends. And even though Sean and I weren't together anymore, I was sleeping with the first guy that I found attractive, betraying him in a way. Cortland had become one of my closest friends and I had risked that as well. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize.

I turned over and faced Cortland. "This needs to stop."

He didn't meet my gaze. "I know." He sighed. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'm—I'm just as lonely as you are."

I rubbed his chest with my hand. "It's still inexcusable. We are both wrong here."

"You're right," he said. "I don't know who I am anymore." He stared up at the ceiling and said nothing for a moment. "I need to tell Elizabeth the truth and end our relationship. Then I should try to find someone that actually makes me happy."

"And I need to stop filling the void of Sean with you. It feels good at the time—amazing—but it isn't right. I just feel hollow and empty afterwards. In the end, it's just making me feel worse. And I can't do this to Ryan—ruin his friendship with you."

"I have to tell him too." He sighed.

"Please let me do it," I said. "I want to make it clear that I pursued this—not you. I think it will increase the likelihood that your friendship will be unaffected."

"How about we do it together?" he asked.

"That's fair."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I have an idea that might work."

I moved closer to him and wrapped my arm around his waist. "And what is that?"

"What if we help each other get through this—without the sex?"

"But that's the best part." I laughed.

"You got that right." He smiled. "But we'll have to deal without it."

"I think that's a great idea. We will be each other's life coaches."

"I like it," he said. "And thank you, Scar."

"What did I do?"

"I never would have realized how empty my relationship was if you hadn't brought the life back into me. It's because of you that I am doing what I should have done a long time ago."

"I don't know about that," I said slowly. "I made you cheat on your girlfriend."

"Even though it was wrong at the time, I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me—and Elizabeth. Don't be too hard on yourself."

"Okay," I said. "And thank you, Cortland."

"For what, exactly?"

"For everything you have done for me," I said. "I love you."

I heard the smile in his voice. "I love you, too," he said. "And can I say something else?"

I nodded.

"Sean is an idiot for not wanting you, Scar."

"Why?" I laughed. "Is it because I'm amazing in bed?"

"Well, that's one of the reasons." He laughed. "But I can think of many more."

22

Mark Robinson, the editor of the Seattle Gazette, emailed me later that afternoon and asked me to write about the tourist attraction of Pike's Place. I thought it was ironic since I just went there with Cortland but at least I knew it well. I worked on the article for two days, predominantly at Mega-Shake, and I proofread it ten times before I finally hit the send button to Mark. This article wasn't appearing in the New York Times, nor was it going to be something people blogged about, but I wanted it to be perfect anyway. I never produced something unless it was completely clean.

Mark emailed me a few hours later and thanked me for the descriptive article. He claimed that the narrative was so perfect in its use of syntax and descriptions that he felt like he was actually there. I practically jumped from my bed when I read it the following morning. It wasn't a big accomplishment, but it was something. Plus, it paid two hundred dollars.

Now that Cortland and I had worked out our relationship and closed that chapter in our lives, I was ready to move forward alone. I thought I needed a guy to make me feel better, but really, I only needed myself. I missed the strong woman that I used to be and I wanted to find her again—be her again. Hopefully, she still existed.

Cortland and I still hadn't told Ryan about our mishap but neither of us felt rushed to confess our sins. I was worried that Ryan wouldn't forgive Cortland for what he did, and I didn't want him to lose his friend—especially since it was my fault. Sean kept popping up in my mind and I wondered if he was still sleeping with Janice or if he found someone else, but I dismissed the idea, forcing it to the back of my mind. I couldn't think about Sean anymore. The guy never called me—he obviously didn't think about me. Why should I think about him?

Not a single person had contacted me for an edit on their manuscript, and I was starting to doubt anyone would. Then one day, I got an email in my inbox. It was from a woman that used to submit her novels to R and R Publishing, but the chief copy editor failed to edit her manuscript the way she requested. Apparently, he changed her style and use of punctuation, and she specifically wanted me to edit her novel because I had done it before and she liked my work. I felt my cheeks blush as I read her words and the praise she gave. It made it even better that she was trashing Carl Rogers. I replied to her email immediately and told her I was living in Seattle. Ironically, she was from Seattle as well, and we arranged to meet at Mega-Shake the following day.

I closed my laptop and left my bedroom, practically screaming as I ran into the living room. Ryan was watching a baseball game, but he turned it off when he saw me run into the room. Cortland was sitting beside him with a basketball on his lap. The scent of their body odor was evident, so I knew they must have just returned from a game, but I didn't care. Ryan flinched when I jumped into this lap. Then he started laughing when I started clapping to myself.

"What are you so happy about?" he asked.

I got off his lap then hugged Cortland, who returned my embrace awkwardly because my brother was sitting right there, then I stood in front of the television. "A woman that used to submit her work to my old company has contacted me personally because she likes my editing abilities. Apparently, she prefers my edits over my old boss, and she wants to hire me privately. Isn't this exciting? And Mark Robinson loved my article and is paying me two hundred dollars!"

Ryan smiled at me as he leaned forward. I could feel Cortland grinning from the couch and I knew they were both happy—elated—for me.

"I'm really happy for you," Ryan said. "I was worried that this day would never come."

"Me too." I nodded.

"I told you that you would pick yourself up again," he said as he stood from his chair. "And look at you. You are back to being you." Ryan held me for a moment.

"Thanks to you," I said as I returned his embrace. "You've always taken care of me even when I didn't deserve it."

Ryan laughed. "Yes," he said. "Sometimes you can be a brat. But I love you anyway."

"I think this is worthy of a Mega-Shake," Cortland said as he stood up. "I'm treating Scarlet."

"I should be treating you," I said to him. "You are the one that got me that article job and you set up my website. Let me buy you one—this one time."

He stared at me for a moment, thinking it over in his mind. "Okay," he agreed.

"Are you just saying that?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I'll let you do it this one time."

We left the apartment and arrived at Mega-Shake a few minutes later. We stood in line and I ordered all of our shakes then I opened my wallet to pay for it. I looked at Cortland to see if he was going to make a move for it, but he was smiling at me with his hands in his pockets, and I handed over the twenty without a fight.

"I thought you were yanking my chain," I said.

Cortland grabbed the milkshake from the counter and drank it. "Thank you," he said.

The three of us sat down in our usual spot. There weren't many people in the diner on that weeknight so we had the restaurant to ourselves. I was riding the high of my happiness with my two closest friends. Sean came into my mind and I wanted to call him and tell him about my success, but then I remembered that I couldn't. We weren't friends anymore. I still missed him and loved him as much as the day I left him, but it had gotten easier to be apart from him. I knew Ryan and Cortland were responsible for that. Without them, I really don't know what I would have done.

Ryan tapped his cup against mine then Cortland's. "Cheers," he said.

"To Scarlet," Cortland said as he raised his glass.

"To me," I added with a smile.

"Now we just have to apply for the business license and the logo print," Ryan said.

I sighed. "Thanks for killing the mood."

"What's bad about that?" he asked. "Now that your business is successful we need to get it licensed. This is a good thing."

"You have like seven hundred dollars lying around?" I mocked.

"I got you, Scarlet," he said.

"I'll pay you back with this editing job."

"It's my gift to you," he said. "You don't need to pay me back."

"I want to, Ryan," I said. "You've already given me free rent and food, plus a weekly allowance. I am definitely going to reimburse you."

"How much is this woman paying you, by the way?" Ryan asked.

"I have no idea," I said. "At this point, I would do it for free just to put it on my website. She is already a famous, published author. I need that kind of publicity."

"She'll pay you," Cortland said. "She probably assumes that you started your own company and you are successful. You wouldn't have left your job unless you were."

"Hopefully," I said.

"How much do editors typically get paid?" Cortland asked.

"Well, it depends on the length, the genre, and the editor themselves. I won't know any of that until I meet her tomorrow."

"Where are you meeting her?" Cortland asked.

"Here," I said.

"Mega-Shake?" Ryan asked incredulously. "Isn't that unprofessional?"

"No," I said. "She said she loves this place."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "If you think that's a good idea. Why don't you meet at a coffee shop?"

"That's so cliché," I said.

"Whatever," he said. "You are the editor."

Cortland and I looked at each other for a moment, but then he dropped his gaze. I knew that we were sharing the same thought. When are we going to tell him? The more I thought about it, the less I wanted to. I knew my brother better than anyone, and I knew how upset he would be. He would assume that Cortland took advantage of me then he would be furious with me for sneaking around behind his back. Ryan had every right to be upset. I would be too. I just didn't want him to lose Cortland over it. I loved having him in our lives.

"I'll file for your business license tomorrow," Ryan said to me. "And I'll take care of the company logo. I want to make sure this is taken care of before someone starts questioning your business."

Ryan's words made me feel worse. He would do anything for me. "Thank you," I whispered.

"Of course." He nodded. Ryan stood up and threw his shake away. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," I said. "I have to pick out what I'm going to wear tomorrow."

Cortland rolled his eyes. "I don't think she's going to care."

"Well, I care."

We walked back to the apartment. When we got inside, Ryan and Cortland sat on the couch. I went back into my room and found another email from a client that was asking for a quote for their manuscript. I walked out to the living room and looked at Ryan. "Make sure that business license is taken care of."

"Why?" he asked.

"I just got another client."

Ryan gave me the thumbs up. "Now we're rolling."

The next morning, I went to Mega-Shake a half hour before the meeting, just in case the author was early. As soon as the woman walked through the door, I knew it was her. She was tall, a little shorter than Ryan, and she had short hair. The author was older, probably in her late fifties, and I felt slightly flustered meeting her. After all, she was a published author of more than thirty books.

"Hello," I said as I extended my hand to shake hers.

"Hello, Scarlet." She smiled. "It is very nice to meet you."

"Likewise," I said. I walked back to the chairs. "Please step into my office."

She laughed and I was relieved that she understood my joke "Do you do your work here?" she asked.

"Actually, I do," I admitted. "It's just my safe haven."

"I like to write at McDonald's." She smiled. "I don't know what it is about that place—it just inspires me."

"Who says we can only write in pretentious coffee shops?" I laughed.

She smiled. "Thank you for meeting me here," she said. "It is convenient that you live in Seattle."

"I know," I said. "What a coincidence."

"Why are you no longer at R and R?" she asked.

I decided not lie, especially to a client. "I left R and R a few weeks ago. The environment was no longer suitable to me."

"I've had a lot of issues with your chief copy editor, Carl. He has changed aspects of my books that I wanted to remain the same. Then, he published it anyway, or kept sections that I decided to leave out. But since the publishing company has the rights to my book, there is nothing I can do. Now I'm self-publishing."

"I think that's a great idea."

"Which has led me to you," she said. "I know you have edited my manuscripts before and I liked your work. It's when it gets to your boss that it changes."

"I'm glad that you figured it out."

"So, I am willing to hire you if you are interested."

My body was ready to explode in excitement. "Are you kidding? I would love to." I felt my cheeks redden at my sudden outburst.

She smiled at my reaction. "Excitement is always good. So, here is some information about the novel before you commit to the task. It is two hundred and fifty thousand words and it is fiction. Is that something you can work with?"

"Yes," I said. "Your manuscript fits my abilities perfectly."

"Good," she said. "So I guess we should discuss the price. I will pay you half now and half later. How about two?"

I stared at her blankly. Two what? "So, that would be one now, and one when I complete the manuscript?" I hoped I was saying it right.

"Yes," she said. "I can write you a check for one thousand now and give you the other half later."

I felt my mouth drop. She just offered me two thousand dollars to edit her book, something that I would have done for free. And this woman was a famous author. I couldn't believe it was happening. "How about you pay me in total when I'm finished?" I asked. "I want to make you as comfortable as possible."

"I trust you." She smiled. "But I have no issues if you prefer your payment that way. So, are you accepting my offer?"

"I am honored," I said.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a yellow envelope. "Here is the printed version, and a flash drive is inside the envelope. When can I expect you to finish it?"

I flipped through the pages and skimmed through the words. Most of her work was already clean and without grammatical errors or poor sentence structure. She was a published author, after all. "A few weeks at the most," I said. "I will email you every evening and tell you what page I'm on to give you feedback regularly. Does that work?"

"Yes," she said. She rose from her chair and shook my hand. "I look forward to working with you."

"The pleasure is mine, Ms. Dirkson."

She turned around and left the restaurant. I waited until she was completely past the windows before I started dancing in the middle of the diner. Everyone was staring at me, but I didn't care. I opened up my laptop and started working immediately, excited to get going on this new project and collect my payment.

Ryan called me a few hours later and asked where I was. The employees were mopping behind the counter and I realized it was almost midnight. I was working so hard that I hadn't even noticed where the time had gone.

"I'm at Mega-Shake," I said into the phone.

I heard him sigh. "I'll come get you."

"I can make it home alone."

"Don't move," he said. Then he hung up.

A few minutes later, Ryan walked into the diner and helped me put my stuff away.

"If you are going to be here all day and stay this late, please let me know. A simple text will suffice."

"I'm sorry," I said as I put the manuscript in the bag. "I just lost track of time."

"I'm assuming the woman hired you," he said as we left the diner and walked up the street. Ryan grabbed my bag and held it for me. Sometimes he was a direct contradiction. He spoke to me like he was angry at me, but then he carried my stuff like a gentleman and wouldn't let me walk home at night.

"Yes." I smiled. "And you know how much she is paying me?"

"What?"

"Two thousand dollars!"

Ryan looked at me. "Are you serious?" he asked. "That's great."

"I know," I said. "I'm so happy."

We walked up the stairs and entered the apartment. Ryan put my bag down in my room and came back out into the living room. "Some mail came for you," he said as he nodded at the kitchen table.

I had changed my mailing address the day I left New York, so I was happy that my mail had started to come in. Most of it was junk, but there was one letter that stood out to me. It was from the government. I opened it and read through the paper.

Ms. Reese,

Your loans can no longer be deferred. A payment must be made in the next seven days or legal action will be taken against you.

Thank you,

Charles Brandworthy

Secretary of the Treasury.

I sighed as I put the paper down. I hadn't made a single payment since I graduated college, but it wasn't because I forgot or chose to spend my money on other things. It was because I didn't have any. Now that my business was taking off, I would be able to make a payment. As soon as I was done with this manuscript, I would have something to send to the government. I sighed again. I wouldn't be seeing any real money until that loan was paid off.

Ryan sat on the couch with his back to me. "What is it?" he asked. He must have heard me sigh.

"Nothing," I said as I shoved the notice into my pocket. "Just some junk mail."

23

Sean

The bottles in the cabinet tumbled over as I reached inside, searching for the strong pain killer medication that my doctor had prescribed to me a year earlier. One bottle fell on the floor and almost hit my foot, but I ignored it and kept searching. Finally, I found two bottles of vicodin and put them on the kitchen table. I was about to open up a bottle of scotch when there was an annoying knock on my door. I looked through the peephole and saw that it was Janice.

She stared at me for a moment after I opened the door, taking in my features and my slightly thinner body. I wasn't eating like I used to, and I hadn't been going to the gym. I kept getting smaller. Janice looked thin as well, almost sickly, like she decided a lifestyle of bulimia was preferable to her. A flashback of our recent rendezvous sped through my mind and I wondered if that was why she was there. To get laid.

"I'm not interested in having that type of relationship with you," I said bluntly. I recalled how much it hurt Scarlet and I would never do that again, even if it didn't matter anymore. "Sorry that you wasted your time."

She shook her head. "That isn't why I'm here. Can I come in?"

"Hold on," I said as I shut the door. I hid the pills and the liquor in the cabinet then opened the door for her. "Come in."

Janice walked inside the door and gazed at my messy apartment. I didn't care about keeping up appearances anymore.

"I came to talk about Scarlet."

"What about her?" I asked.

"I can't get a hold of her. She refuses to answer my calls and I'm really worried about her," she said. "Have you talked to her?"

"No."

"Do you know where she is?"

I could see the tears in her eyes and knew how frightened she was, either by Scarlet's absence or something else. It was evident that Scarlet was still mad at Janice, which I thought was unfair. Scarlet was the one that said she didn't have feelings for me. She was the one who lied. "Yes."

Janice sighed. "Thank god," she said. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine," I said. "She's safe."

"Where is she?"

"In Seattle—with her brother."

"How do you know if you haven't spoken to her?"

"I called her brother. He has been telling me how she's doing. That's my way of looking after her. She still doesn't want to talk to me."

"I find that hard to believe," she said. "You guys have been friends forever. I can't imagine why she would run away from you."

I sighed. "I'm the reason she ran—the biggest one, at least." Janice stared at me in confusion, unsure of my meaning. "We slept together and she assumed we were a couple, but I thought it was just a friendly fuck. Then, when she saw me with you, she went over the edge. I apologized to her and told her how sorry I was, but she didn't want to hear it. She said she's in love with me."

Janice crossed her arms over her chest but said nothing for a moment. "I knew it," she said. There was no vindication or triumph in her voice. "I feel so stupid now. I would never hurt her on purpose—she must realize that."

"I know," I whispered.

"Do you love her?" she asked. "I know that you do."

I met her gaze. "Yes."

"Then go get her and bring her home."

"It's complicated," I said. "I'm still hooked on Penelope. I can't just chase after Scarlet with these feelings. It's wrong and I won't do that to her."

Janice looked over and noticed the ring box on the kitchen table. She opened it and admired the ring and the set of diamonds in the band. "It's beautiful, Sean," she said.

I didn't say anything. The ring needed to be returned to the store, but I couldn't do it yet.

"But she isn't coming back, Sean," she said as she closed the box. She put it back on the table. "Now Scarlet is in love with you and you are clearly in love with her. Go to her. She'll understand that you aren't completely over Penelope—I know she'll understand. And eventually you will forget about her. Why can't you be together while that happens?"

"I miss her so much," I said. I felt my emotions bubbling at the surface but I kept them back, not wanting to reveal my vulnerability to Janice, a mere stranger. "I love her."

"Can you do something for me—when you see her?"

I nodded.

"Ask her to call me. I miss her, too. And I love her. She's my best friend."

I wanted to hug her, but I felt like I would be betraying Scarlet in some complicated way. "I will."

Janice turned towards the door and was about to walk about. "And Sean?" she said.

"Yes?"

"Make sure you get rid of that ring before you do."

I nodded and she shut the door behind her.

24

Scarlet

My dreams were disturbed by a loud yell from my brother.

"FUCK!"

I jolted from my sleep and almost fell off the bed. I wasn't sure what was happening. He yelled again.

"FUCK," he said as he walked down the hall.

I covered myself in my yoga pants and ran after him, half asleep as I moved through the hallway with my hands outstretched. The walls slipped past my fingers as I almost crashed to the floor, but I found my footing at the last second. I managed to make my way to the front room.

"What's going on?" I mumbled.

Ryan grabbed a plate and threw it on the ground, shattering it into a million pieces. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and made a call. "I need you to get over here," he said into the phone. "Just do it!" he barked. "Someone broke into my shop and I can't leave Scarlet here alone." He hung up the phone and headed to the doorway.

"Ryan, is everything okay?"

"You are staying here," he said. "Cortland will be over soon."

"What's going on?"

"Didn't you hear me?" he snapped. "Someone broke into my shop—again. I wonder what the fuck they took." He slammed the door in my face and disappeared from the apartment. Now that I was fully awake, I had nothing to do but worry about my brother. I had no idea he had such security issues at the shop. I sat on the couch and waited for him to return.

The knock on the door startled me from my spot on the couch. Cortland arrived and I opened the door for him. As soon as he was inside the apartment, he turned on me.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. "Has he called?"

"No."

Cortland stared at me for a moment. "He'll be okay, Scarlet."

"What if the criminals are still there when he gets arrives?" I whispered.

"His security system notifies him of the break-in. Therefore, the cops will have responded already. Ryan will be fine." He wrapped his arms around me and held me for a moment. "Did they say anything else when they called him?"

"No," I said.

He released me then kissed my forehead. "I'll wait until he gets back. Go back to sleep. I'll wake you when he gets home."

I shook my head. "I can't sleep."

Cortland nodded. "I understand," he said. "Let's lay on the couch."

Cortland and I cuddled on the couch. We pulled a blanket over our bodies and our noses were practically touching. The sexual tension was evident in the air, but I knew neither one of us would make a move.

"I broke up with Elizabeth," he whispered.

I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "How'd it go?"

"It could have been worse," he said. "I told her that the relationship was dead—it had been dead for a long time and she agreed."

"So you didn't tell her that you cheated on her?"

"I did," he said. "But I waited until the end—after she admitted that the relationship wasn't healthy to begin with. It made her less angry over my betrayal. When I told her I wasn't dating you, she didn't seem to be so upset."

I nodded. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts now, but I know it was for the best."

"I'm here for you."

"I know." He smiled.

"Now it's time to find someone new," I said. "Pick someone that I like so I can hang out with her. We can go shopping together."

Cortland laughed. "I'll only pick someone that has your approval. And you don't seem like the type of girl who loves to shop."

"Well, you have a point." I laughed. "Just pick someone that I like, okay? That way we can go on double dates."

He stared at me for a moment. "I'm glad that you are feeling better—moving on."

"Baby steps." I smiled.

"It's still progress."

He wrapped his arm around me and held me close to him. Even though I was worried about Ryan, I felt my eyes droop and I fell asleep. The slamming of the front door woke me up some time later. I sat up quickly. Ryan was running his hand through his hair, clearly upset by something.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as I approached him. Cortland followed me a moment later. Ryan was so upset that he didn't even notice we were sleeping together.

Ryan sighed. "No, it's not."

Cortland and I patiently waited for him to speak. Something terrible had happened and we waited to hear the news.

"They took all my equipment and my safe, which had a few hundred dollars inside. The insurance said they will replace some of the value of my needles, but it doesn't cover much. I don't have enough money to buy new gear, and without an income, I can't pay off what I owe on the equipment that was stolen." Ryan's eyes were wide with anxiety. I could see the despair in his frame and knew how bad his news was. "Basically, I have to close the shop."

"Are you serious?" I asked.

Ryan nodded, too upset to speak further.

Cortland clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, man."

I stared at my brother, but he wouldn't even look at me. This was his dream, his whole life, and now he was losing it because some thugs stole from him. It wasn't fair.

"How much is the new equipment?" I asked.

Ryan looked at me. "Too much."

"How much?" I asked.

"Eight thousand dollars," he whispered.

"I have that much," I said. "And some change to spare."

Ryan looked at me. "I can't accept that Scarlet."

"Yes, you can." I hugged him and buried my face in his chest. "It's yours, Ryan."

"You would really do that for me?" he asked.

"Of course."

"I don't know what to say," he whispered.

"What are baby sisters for?"

Ryan chuckled quietly. "Everything."

I grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. I wasn't normally this affectionate with my brother, but just seeing him in so much pain broke my heart. He didn't deserve that kind of pain. I wanted to take it all away. Now I understood how Ryan felt when I first got there.

"Scarlet, I don't know if I will ever be able to pay you back."

"It doesn't matter if you do." I smiled. "I want you to have it."

"But you worked so hard. I know how important this company is to you."

"It's not as important as you." I pulled away from him and he continued to stare at me. I thought about my loan notice, saying I had to make a payment otherwise they would press charges against me, but I didn't care. My brother was more important.

"Thank you," he said.

"So, if we buy new equipment you still have to pay off the old stuff, even though some thieves stole it?" Cortland asked.

Ryan shook his head. "It's bullshit—I know."

"How are we going to do this?" I asked.

Ryan sighed. "The shop is going to be closed for a few days while they fix the windows. So, I'll be out of work for a while. Also, business is going to be hurt. This is the second time I've been robbed in two weeks. No one is going to come to my shop. I don't even know how we'll make rent."

"We'll be fine," I said. "I just submitted another article to Mark and I received a new manuscript today. We'll be tight on money, but we'll make the bills and have food."

Ryan stared at me with new eyes and I could see the depth of his appreciation in them. I hoped this atoned for my previous behavior, when I left him alone for an entire year, not calling or visiting him. "So you are taking care of me?" He smiled.

"Look who is the freeloader now?" I teased him.

"I don't know what to say," he repeated. "I don't know what I would do without you, Scar."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe you would find a real job instead of doodling all day."

"And now she's back to being a brat again." He laughed. Ryan turned to Cortland. "Thank you for coming over. I have my address on paperwork at the shop—you never know. But they didn't take anything like that."

Cortland nodded. "I got your back."

"Thank you," he said. "Both of you."

25

"Can I help?" Ryan asked.

I was staring at my computer screen, making edits to a manuscript that I received a few days earlier. My payment wouldn't be given to me until I submitted my completed work, so I was working frantically so we would have food for the next two weeks. Ryan had never been unemployed before and that was becoming more evident the longer he waited for his shop to reopen.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I'm working, Ryan."

"I can see that," he snapped. "And can I help?"

"You can barely write basic English," I said. "What makes you think you can proofread a manuscript before publication?"

Ryan spun the basketball on his finger, balancing it on the tip as it turned in a circle. "Just because you have a fancy degree doesn't mean you are more intelligent than I am. I've been running my own business for years."

I sighed, trying to bottle the annoyance I felt at my brother. He was just going through a stressful time, and I needed to be patient even though he was constantly bugging me.

"Let's go play ball," he said. "You have to take a break sometime."

"Ryan, I have to work. Call Cortland and see if he can play with you."

"I already texted him," he said. "He's at work."

"Lucky him," I said.

Ryan dropped the ball on the ground and leaned back. "I'm so bored," he said.

"Read a book."

"At least you think I can do that," he said sarcastically.

I laughed in spite of myself. "Call up one of your friends," I said. "How about the one covered in all those tattoos?"

"They are at work, too." He sighed.

"Should I enroll you at daycare?" I asked. "So you can find some new friends to play with?"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind that at this point. My own sibling is too busy for me."

"I am trying to support us, Ryan."

He grabbed the basketball and spun it on his fingers again. "Hopefully, Cortland will want to hang after work."

"He and I already have plans," I said.

"What?" he said as he dropped the ball. "Why are you hanging out with my friend?"

"He's my friend too, Ryan."

"What are you guys doing?"

"It's a secret."

Ryan eyed me. "How long will you be?"

"A few hours."

Ryan sighed. "Can I see my friend after you?"

"We'll see." I smiled. "Why don't you check on the shop? Isn't it supposed to open tomorrow?"

"I guess I could. They are doing a few touches to the windows."

"Maybe you should clean the inside," I said. "There's probably going to be broken glass everywhere."

Ryan sighed. "I guess you're right," he said. "I can load my new safe in there, too. Thanks for giving me the money, by the way."

"At least now when people break in, they'll have to break open your safe to get your supplies. It's too big for anyone to move it."

"That's my brainy sister."

I rolled my eyes.

He rose from the couch and grabbed his jacket. "I'll see you in a few hours," he said. He walked out the door and locked it behind him. I was relieved that he finally left. He was driving me crazy.

The manuscript I was working on was from an author that was a friend of Christine's. She had been so pleased with my work that she started to refer me to her colleagues. Since I was charging the same rate as I charged her, I was making significant cash. I had a minor setback with Ryan's shop and the loan letter, but I was trying to make money for rent and food. Hopefully, I could make some extra cash for my loan payment. I wanted to tell Ryan but I knew how bad it would make him feel. I didn't want him to feel guilty about accepting my money for the shop.

A few hours later, a knock on the door announced Cortland's arrival. When I opened it, he had a bag over his shoulder and a smile on his face.

"Are you ready?" he asked as he walked inside.

"Yes," I said. I shut the door behind him and locked it.

"Where's Ryan?"

"At the shop."

"I can't believe you got rid of him." He laughed.

"It wasn't easy."

"Did you tell him what we are doing?"

"No," I said. "The secret is safe."

"Did he think it was weird that just you and I were hanging out together?"

"It didn't seem like it," I said.

Cortland sat on the couch and pulled out his laptop. I sat next to him.

"When should we tell him?" Cortland asked as he typed on his laptop and opened up a new webpage.

"I don't know." I sighed. "The more I think about it, the less I want to do it. We aren't sleeping together anymore so why does it matter?" Cortland started to design the new webpage and I watched him passively.

"I would feel too guilty not telling him, Scar," he said. "I know your personal life is none of his business, but I crossed a line when I slept with you—I have to tell him."

"Why do you have to be so noble?"

"Are you talking about me?" he asked with a laugh. "The guy that cheated on his girlfriend?"

"That doesn't automatically make you a bad person. That was a complicated situation."

"Cheating is still cheating."

"And gray area is still gray area."

"So, what should we write?"

I got up from the couch and grabbed my computer. "I'll email you what I have, and you can copy and paste it."

Cortland nodded. "Sounds good."

Cortland added the words I wrote to the website and made the background colorful with different colors of tattoo ink. He made a list of the pricing, address, and contact information as well as Ryan's vision. "I think he'll like it."

I nodded. "It looks amazing, Cortland."

"If this doesn't bring him business, I don't know what will."

"I think this is a great idea. More people use the internet for information resources than any other avenue. Just my website has made me a considerable income, even though I had to give it all to Ryan."

Cortland patted my thigh. "What you did for your brother was amazing, Scarlet. I know it meant a lot to him."

"I hope it makes up for ditching him this past year then showing up only when I needed something."

"I think you already proved yourself before you gave him the money."

"I hope so."

"Will you ever go back to New York—someday?" he asked.

"No," I said. "My family is here. I won't leave Ryan again."

"I know Ryan wouldn't want you to stay just for him," Cortland said with a sigh.

"I'm not," I said. "I want to stay here with him."

"Are you over Sean?"

My lips pressed together tightly for a moment as I thought about him. Sean was still my best friend even though we didn't talk anymore, and I missed him very much. I wished that things were different—that we were together. "I'll never be over him."

"Even though you are three thousand miles apart?" he asked.

"That is irrelevant."

Cortland nodded. "He is the luckiest guy in the world and he doesn't even know it."

I smiled. "You are too sweet, Cortland."

He patted my thigh. "No," he said. "You are just that amazing. Look at you, Scarlet. You came here as a mess and now you are supporting your brother. I admire you—respect you."

"It sounds nice in theory," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's easy to run away from your demons and start fresh. It's a lot harder to ruin something then stay behind and fix it until the task is complete."

"But you didn't break anything, Scarlet. He did."

"I don't know," I said. "The more I think about it, the more I realize that I was caught up with my emotions. Sean was totally in love with Penelope. Why would I assume that he was ready to move on?"

"That doesn't matter, Scarlet. He shouldn't have slept with you to begin with. Friends don't do that to each other."

I smiled at him. "They don't?" I asked.

Cortland smiled. "The situation is different. We haven't been best friends for ten years. And you aren't in love with me, nor am I with you."

"I just get confused sometimes."

"Why?"

"I want to call him and apologize, anything to get him back into my life, but then I realize I don't want that."

"What do you want?"

"I want Sean to feel the same way I do."

"Has he called?"

I was quiet for a moment. "No."

Cortland sighed. "I hate to hurt you, Scarlet, but I think it's obvious that he doesn't care. He would have called you by now if he felt the same."

"Well, I haven't called him either."

"But that's because you are in love with him. And you were the one that ran away, so that means he either hasn't figured it out because he hasn't looked for you, or he knows that you moved and he doesn't care where you went." I felt the tears spill from my eyes at his words. I knew he was right. Cortland wiped my tears away. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you."

I blinked back the tears and stopped my lips from trembling. "I know," I said. "But you are right about him. He doesn't care about me. Sean would have called at least once if he did—even if it was just to see if I was okay."

"You don't need him, Scarlet."

"I know I don't."

"I can be your new best friend. Ryan and I can be your family."

I smiled at him. "We are family, huh?"

"You have been since the day I met you."

My tears disappeared and I felt myself relax at his words. Cortland was right. Sean was gone and he was never coming back. I had to move on and accept the fact that Sean didn't love me—even as his friend. After everything we had been through, the fact that he couldn't even call showed his true feelings—he had none. "Thank you."

He kissed my head. "No problem," he said. He ran his fingers through my hair and it calmed me. Cortland looked back at the screen. "So, now we have an official website. I linked the website to another email that you can access. I figured Ryan isn't going to have any interaction with that feature."

"He isn't a monkey." I laughed.

"The guy only knows how to use Facebook to check out hot chicks—that's it."

"Poor Ryan," I said. "We really are pretentious."

The front door opened and Ryan came into the living room.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked.

"Just working on something," I said. "How was the shop?"

"It'll be open tomorrow. I just hope that it's going to be open for a reason—pointless without customers."

Cortland stood and brought the computer to Ryan. "Look at what we made today."

Ryan looked at the screen for a moment. "You made me a website?" he asked with an incredulous voice.

"Yes," I said. "And Cortland installed it as an advertisement on certain websites—because he's a cyber genius like that—so other people will see your ad. And you are the number one search on Google for "Seattle Tattoo Shop."

Ryan nodded. "Thank you so much," he said. "I didn't even have to ask you."

Cortland and Ryan sat on the couch. Cortland pointed at the screen. "Scarlet wrote all the details on the website and the introduction to all the sections, and she has access to the email address if people request appointments and information."

Ryan smiled at me. "Are you working for me now?"

"I guess I'm your secretary."

"I don't even know what to say," he said as he stared at the screen. "You guys have both been so helpful during this time—and—I'm speechless."

"We are family, man," Cortland said as he clapped him on the shoulder.

Ryan nodded. "I know we are."

"Maybe we should put your profile on a dating website while we are at it," I said.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Why do you always have to ruin the moment by being a brat?"

I smiled. "What kind of sister would I be if I didn't?"

Ryan looked back at the screen and admired his own website while Cortland met my gaze. I knew what he was saying by that look alone. I shook my head and he knew what I meant.

26

The tattoo shop was dead the first day. Ryan didn't have a single customer walk through the door and I saw the panic in his eyes. I understood his fear, knowing that he just took ten thousand dollars from me for new equipment that he didn't even need.

"Don't worry," I said. "People will come. They probably think it's still closed."

Ryan nodded but didn't comment.

"I have an idea," I said suddenly. I grabbed a large piece of a cardboard box and laid it on the floor. I grabbed one his needles full of ink and handed it to him. "Write that you just remodeled. Businesses that claim they remodeled their establishment improve their revenue substantially."

"Did you just make that up?"

"No," I said. "That's why fast food chains always remodel. Now say grand reopening or something."

Ryan started his artwork on the sign, and after an hour he was finished. We hung it from the top of the building. People started to come inside after they spotted the sign, and Ryan had a few customers for the day. I opened my laptop and checked the shop email and realized that a few people wanted to make appointments for the following afternoon. I placed their appointments on the calendar.

By the end of the day, Ryan's mood had improved dramatically. He didn't have as much business before the robbery, but he was still getting by.

"It will pick up again," I said.

"I know." He sighed. "I just don't know how long that will take. You'll have to support us for a while longer."

"I don't have a problem doing that, Ryan."

"I know." He smiled. "I really don't know what I would have done without you. I would have lost the shop and my apartment. I would probably be sleeping on Cortland's couch right now."

"That would never happen, Ryan. As long as we have each other, we'll be fine."

"I've missed you," he said suddenly.

I stared at him. "I missed you, too."

"I know you came here because you were in a bad place and everything," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. "But I'm really glad it happened. I haven't felt this close to you in a really long time. I didn't realize how much I need you in my life."

"I'm so sorry that I lost contact with you for a whole year," I said. The tears started to bubble under my eyes. "It will never happen again."

"I know," he said. "I know it won't."

"I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you, Scarlet."

"You do?" I asked.

"Of course," he said. "Look at everything you've done for me. You didn't have to give me that money and I didn't ask for it. You just did it."

"That's because I love you."

"I love you, too," he said as he hugged me. "We are okay, Scarlet. More than okay."

I nodded. I thought about Cortland and the secret I was keeping from him. Hearing him say how much closer we were made me feel like I was betraying him. I slept with his friend, but I was too much of coward to tell him the truth.

Ryan and I walked out of the shop and he locked the door behind us. We took a cab back to the apartment and made boxed macaroni and cheese for dinner with a side of toast. Now that we were so poor, we didn't have the luxury of eating anything else. Ryan and I sat across from each other while we ate our meal and went through the mail. I scanned through the emails in my computer to see if I had any new clients, but there was none. I was still in the middle of editing another novel, but it was nice to have the next one ready.

Ryan focused his attention on the letter he was reading and said nothing for a long time. I continued to read through my emails when Ryan suddenly rose to his feet.

"This is your final notice," Ryan read aloud from the letter. "Your loans can no longer be deferred. If a twenty percent payment isn't submitted, legal actions will be taken against you." I felt my heart race in my chest. I knew what letter he was reading. The government had sent me another one. Ryan would never open my mail on purpose so it must have been an accident. Ryan just stared at me, waiting for me to speak.

"When did you get the first notice?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Scar." He pressed.

"Last week."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I sighed. "I didn't want to make you feel bad."

"Why would I?" Ryan ran his hand through his hair as he reread the letter. Suddenly, he closed his eyes and dropped the letter. He understood. "You gave me all your money," he said. "You chose to give it to me instead."

I nodded, too frightened of his anger to speak.

"Scarlet, I can't believe you did this. This is some serious shit. You could be sued over this."

"I know," I whispered.

"Then why did you give me the money?"

"You're my brother—you always come first."

"Scarlet, what the hell are we going to do?"

"I'll get the money, Ryan."

"How?" he asked incredulously. "We need to pay rent and eat food. Unless you plan to sell your body on the street."

"Ryan, it's going to be fine."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it will."

"When they take you to court, they will take all of your possessions."

"Well, it's a good thing I don't have any."

"You aren't taking this seriously, Scar."

"Yes, I am Ryan," I said. "And I am telling you that it will be fine."

Ryan stared at me for a moment. "Let's ask Mom."

"I sincerely hope that was a fucking joke," I snapped. "And if it was, it was the worst one I have ever heard."

"Scarlet, she has your money and you are entitled to it."

"No."

"Scarlet, just let me ask."

"NO!" Ryan closed his eyes at my words. "We already tried that, Ryan. Do you not remember asking her? You are the better loved child and she still denied you. She's regretted having us from the day we were born. Don't you get it? It's pointless to ask her."

"She can't deny what Dad left for you."

"SHUT UP!"

Ryan raised his hands up in surrender. "Okay," he whispered. "We won't ask her."

I pushed my half eaten plate away and looked away from him. I remembered when I asked for my inheritance, the money my father set aside for me to go college, before I left for Harvard.

I shut the car door behind me and walked to the front door. I felt my heart pound in my chest the closer I got to the house. I realized just how desperate I was that I actually went there—that I was there. The large wooden door was engraved with images of the forest and the all windows were covered with curtains, blocking out the light. I held my breath as I knocked on the door.

Finally, the door opened and she looked at me, a tight scowl etched onto her thin lips. Her eyes narrowed in hatred as she looked at me. "What?" she asked. "Are you pregnant or something?"

I knew it was a bad idea, but I had to try. If not, I wouldn't get my money for college, which was more important than the momentary feeling of pure torture.

"No, mother," I said pleasantly. "I'm not."

"Then why are you here?" She brought a cigarette to her lips and took a deep breath. She blew the smoke into my face and I fought back the cough that tickled my lungs.

"I want to talk to you."

"Which is what we are doing," she snapped. She inhaled the cigarette and blew out the smoke again. I wished lung cancer would just take her already. She was the worst person I had ever known. I'd never hated someone so much in my life—ever. Every heart breaking thing she did to my brother and I came back to me as I looked at her, but I tried to ignore the throbbing pain I felt. My pain was so intense that I was indifferent to her.

"Can I come inside?" I asked.

She stepped away from the door and I went into the living room. It looked like a bat cave. She wore a long night dress that didn't hide the psoriasis on her calves, and her clothes smelled like she hadn't washed them in a week. Her hair was thin and lifeless, having no color even though it wasn't white. The residue of smoke was apparent in every crack of the wall and fabric of the furniture and the smell was nauseating. I didn't sit down. She continued to smoke with the television on in the background, her only hobby.

"Out with it."

"I want my college tuition," I said. "I am here to claim it."

"I owe you nothing, bitch."

I ignored her harsh comment. She called me that often in childhood. Other children got sweet nicknames, like pumpkin or princess, but I was stuck with that. She referred to Ryan by his name, so I assumed she liked him more. "I didn't say you owed me. Dad specifically saved that for me. And I want it."

"Shut your mouth."

"Give it to me!" I felt the anger leave my mouth before I could stop it. I was so frustrated that I felt my body shake in annoyance. I couldn't believe how quickly the conversation was falling apart.

My mother blew more smoke into the air and I wanted to slap her. I wanted her to die. "Why don't you try working for a living?"

"Same to you," I snapped.

Her eyes widened in anger. The sagged lines around her eyes were covered in wrinkles from the years she spent at the tanning salon. Her teeth were yellow and frothing with gingivitis. She reminded me of an orc from Lord of the Rings. God, I hated her. "Is that how you treat someone you want something from?" She stared at me. "And how much?" she asked.

"One hundred thousand."

My mom laughed. "Wow. You must be in some serious trouble."

"Why do you always assume I'm in trouble? I was a perfect child—a kid everyone dreams of—"

"Shut up! I'm so sick of this shit." She stood and grabbed her checkbook. She scribbled the amount on the check and held it in her hand before she handed it to me. "Tell me that you love me."

I stared at her and said nothing. I couldn't force the words out—the lie.

She held the tip of the cigarette to the check, threatening to burn it. "Last chance," she said. "Take it or leave it. How much do you want this money, my perfect daughter?" She held the tip, which glowed orange with heat, to the thin paper.

My dream was slipping further away from me as I watched her threaten to burn the only means I had. I didn't know anyone else with that kind of money.

"Stop!" I said. "I love you."

She brought the cigarette to her lips and inhaled the smoke, her oxygen, and then put it out on one of the many ashtrays in the house. My mom dangled the check in front of my face, like I was a pathetic dog. When I reached for it, she dropped it on the carpet, making me pick it up like a desperate beggar.

When I bent down to grab it, she put her foot on top of it, blocking it from my reach. I cringed at the rashes on her body.

"What do you say?" she teased me in a high pitched voice. She put her hands on her hips while I stared up at her like an inferior. "What do you say?" she repeated. Her voice was harsher.

I breathed through the anger and the pain, bottling my true feelings of violence and destruction. I swallowed my pride before I spoke. "Thank you." I forced through my mouth.

She grabbed my face with hands that smelled like burnt cigarette, and squeezed my cheeks. "You're welcome." She laughed. She finally removed her foot and I grabbed the check like a starving animal. I turned away from her and headed to the front door, practically running.

"Please come again soon."

I opened the front door and slammed it behind me. After the door blocked my view, I took a moment to compose myself, hiding the true anxiety that I felt.

When I got to the bank, the check bounced. Apparently, the account had been closed years ago. My mom made me go through all of that for nothing.

I felt the memory fade away and return to the back of my mind, where it should remain hidden for all eternity. Ryan asked her for the money again shortly afterwards, but it had gone just as bad. I refused to take that avenue again. Any other choice—any—was better than turning to her. I refused to do it.

"We aren't doing that," I said to Ryan. "I would rather sit in jail than look at her for even one second."

"Scarlet, we made the mistake of not fighting then. We have to fight this time."

"I said no, Ryan."

"I'm not going to give up this time, Scarlet. That money belongs to you."

"DROP IT!"

Ryan stared at me then looked down at his bowl of macaroni and cheese, which was empty. "Okay," he said. "I'll drop it."

I pushed my seat back and stormed to my room, slamming my bedroom door behind me as I barricaded myself in my sanctuary. I had never locked my door before or tried to keep Ryan out, but for the first time, I wanted to be away from him. The memories of our horrific childhood came back to me as I tried to fall asleep. My dreams were twisted and dark. Some were about Sean, and others were about my mother. I woke up in a cold sweat and couldn't go back to sleep for a long time.

27

Sean

Now that everyone in the office knew I was Mr. Perkins's fallen angel, they all treated me like I was trash—the loser in school they should stay away from. I was bad news. Mr. Perkins just ignored me entirely. Even when I acknowledged him in the hallway, he walked by without saying a word. I don't know how my life plummeted so quickly. Penelope dumped me for some other guy, my best friend moved to Seattle to get away from me, and now everyone at work hated me. I hated my life.

I missed Penelope and the relationship we had. It was so easy and unforced and I loved being with her. Just the smell of her hair made me excited, and when a strand of it fell on my chest, I immediately wanted her. I missed watching her ride me when we made love, and I missed the way she used to say my name. I picked out the engagement ring and had everything planned, with Scarlet's help, but it had all been a waste. I wondered if Scarlet loved me then. If she did, she hid it very well. I was still recovering from the shock of Penelope's betrayal, but I still loved her. I hated to admit it, but it was true.

But I also loved Scarlet. My feelings for her were still confusing, but I knew I did miss her and that I wanted to be with her. There was no denying that. I thought about her as much as I thought about Penelope, if not more so. Late at night, I jerked off to the memory of Scarlet and the night we made love. The sex was amazing, and when I came, I moaned her name. Since then, I've been hot and bothered for her all the time. When I rubbed my dick, I wished Scarlet was the one doing it. I wanted to be inside her, stretch her tight pussy with my massive girth, and fuck her as hard as I did last time. And I wanted to make love to her slowly and passionately. It was a perfect combination. When I masturbated to the memory of Penelope, I always felt ashamed when I was done. It didn't happen very often, but I did sometimes. I was in love with two different women. One that wanted me and another that didn't. I always thought Penelope was the one, that one person that made you experience unbridled bliss simply because you were standing next to them. I was infatuated with her unparalleled beauty and wonderful smile. When we were together, I couldn't believe she was mine, but after half a year, I finally accepted that this perfect woman loved me. Clearly I had been wrong. She was fucking some other guy for months before she broke up with me, and she didn't have the courage to tell me the truth. She told Scarlet instead.

I was so frustrated and irritated by these conflicting emotions. I couldn't have Penelope. She wasn't coming back. That chapter of my life was over and I needed Scarlet. She made me happy unlike anyone else. The idea of being with her sounded perfect. She would be my lover and my best friend. What could possibly beat that?

When I got home that afternoon, I picked up the phone and called Ryan.

"Hey man," he said when he answered. "Give me a second." I heard the phone become muffled as he walked. I assumed he was with Scarlet. "Now I can speak freely."

"Hey," I said. "How is everything?"

"It's alright," he said.

"How is Scarlet?"

"She's about the same. She started her own editing company, which is still taking off, so she has been keeping busy with that."

"I'm happy for her," I said. "I think that's a great idea."

"Me too. And she has been making decent money from it," he said.

I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Is she seeing anyone?"

"No." He sighed. "I wish she would get out more. When I offered to introduce her to some friends, she immediately rejected the idea."

"That sounds like Scarlet." I tried not to act happy, but I was. I didn't want her to be with someone else. I wanted to be with her. I just needed to actually go get her. "So she hasn't—you know—hooked up with anyone?"

"I guess I don't know for sure, but she is home every night and she doesn't bring anyone back to the apartment. That doesn't sound like something she would do anyway."

"No, it doesn't," I agreed.

"So, I'm glad you called because I need to discuss something with you—it's about our mom." Scarlet told me everything about her family, particularly how her mother hated both her and Ryan. I had never hit a woman in my life, but I would definitely deck the bitch if I ever saw her. Scarlet didn't deserve to be treated that way, and it made me insane with rage.

"Is Scarlet okay?" I asked immediately.

"Yes, she's fine. But Scarlet is in trouble with her loans. Apparently, they can no longer be deferred, and if she doesn't get the money soon, they are taking her to court. We need to get the money from somewhere and that is our last resort."

"I thought she was making a decent income? Can't she make payments?"

"No." Ryan sighed. "Long story short, my shop was going to go under and she gave me everything she had. Obviously, I never would have taken it from her if I had known. She hid it from me."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know all the financial aspects of my dad's will, or what the protocol is for those types of situations, but I know you are educated in this stuff. I find it hard to believe that my father left his two children nothing, especially when he told us that he put aside college tuition funds for us. I need you to help me figure out how we can get our money."

"Yeah, okay," I said. "I agree. Scarlet deserves that. I'll look into it."

"Thank you," Ryan said. "I really appreciate it."

"You know I'd do anything for her."

"And you can't mention this to Scarlet," he said. "She would kill me if she found out. Can I trust you not to tell her?"

"Of course," I said.

"Good," he said. "So, have you made a decision?"

I knew what he was referring to. He was asking if I wanted to be with Scarlet. I took a moment and thought about it. Penelope and I were over—done. Yes, I still loved and missed her, but I needed to move on. I loved Scarlet, so who was better to move on with? I couldn't give her my heart completely, but I knew she would understand that. Besides, she would claim my whole heart eventually. The truth is, I was miserable without her and I hated being apart from her. It just wasn't working for me. Not talking to her every day was like losing a part of my own soul. I wanted her—I knew I did. I made my decision. "I'll see you soon."

28

Sean

I cleaned up the apartment and made room for Scarlet's belongings. To accommodate all the suits and useless shoes she had, I had to throw away a lot of my old clothes. I didn't mind. They were just collecting dust in the back of the closet anyway. Since she didn't have any furniture to return with, I didn't have to worry about removing all of the bigger appliances.

I placed pictures of us on our nightstands and on the tables in the living room and the kitchen. Anything that had to do with Penelope was placed in a box and shoved into the back of the closet. I knew I should just throw everything away, but I couldn't. I was with Penelope for a long time. How could I just forget about all of that?

Red rose petals were sprinkled on the bed and I placed white candles around the room. When she decided to move in with me, I wanted it to be special. I wanted her to realize that my apartment also belonged to her.

After I packed my bag, I left the apartment to go to the airport. It wasn't until I was on the plane for a few hours that I started to panic. I assumed that Scarlet would take me back in a heartbeat, but what if she didn't? What if she hated me? Or even worse, forgot about me? Ryan said she still loved me, but what if he was wrong? What if she had already met someone else but hadn't told Ryan about it? I didn't want to think about that.

I knew what I wanted to say to her, but what if it meant nothing to Scarlet? She was completely justified in being angry with me. I hurt her and broke her trust. It would have been much easier if I hadn't left her apartment in the first place. After she asked me to leave, I should have barricaded myself in there until we settled our differences. If I had known she was going to run from me, I never would have left.

As far as Scarlet knew, I hadn't reached out to her at all. She didn't know that I called Ryan every few days and asked how she was doing. She had no idea that I still watched over her. What if she slapped me in the face, told me to leave, and then called the police? Perhaps I was just overreacting, but what if I wasn't?

I didn't know what I would do if she didn't take me back. I really couldn't imagine. Manhattan was a beautiful, overcrowded city, but the idea of returning without her made me feel hollow and alone. Life was meaningless without her. Why hadn't I realized that before? It was only when I lost the sun did I realize how much warmth it gave me.

But she had to know that I loved her. She had to. When I thought about our time together before she left, I realized that I wanted her then. It was a hidden desire that existed in the back of my mind, but I knew it was there. I would never fall asleep with anyone like I did with her. And I always thought she was gorgeous. I just never paid attention before. I guess because I was so in love with Penelope, blinded under her spell, that I didn't realize how much better Scarlet was. It seemed like our nonexistent relationship was caused by bad timing. Perhaps if we were both single for a longer period of time, we would have slept together long before.

But I was still scared. I could deal with rejection and heartbreak, but this was different. It was Scarlet. If she didn't want me, I couldn't go on. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

The plane finally landed and I didn't want to move from my seat. All the other passengers left the plane before I finally stood and trailed far behind them. After I left the building, I waited outside for a cab. It was a beautiful day in the city. I knew where Ryan's apartment was, so I decided to go there first. Cabs pulled up to the sidewalk, but I didn't reach for any of them. They waited for a moment before they drove away.

I took a deep breath and steadied my nerves. I had to get Scarlet back. Failure wasn't an option. If soul mates actually existed, then she was mine. I loved her more than anything and I just had to explain that to her. I hoped—prayed—that I would get a second chance.

29

Scarlet

"So, what's the big news?" I asked while I ate my fries. Cortland asked Ryan and I to meet him there an hour earlier. Ryan and I were playing basketball when he called, so we were both dressed down in our gym clothes. The smell of sweat was evident from Ryan's body, and I was worried that I smelled just as bad even though I hadn't been playing as hard. But when Cortland sat next to me and didn't comment on the odor, I figured that my smell was decent.

"Well, I've started seeing someone." Cortland smiled. His mouth was stretched so wide that I hardly recognized him. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how depressed he'd been before. I had never seen him so happy.

"Wait," Ryan said as he held up his hand. "Didn't you just end it with Elizabeth?"

Cortland dropped his smile. "We've been over for a while, even if we were still together."

"But isn't this too soon?" Ryan asked.

"No," Cortland answered. "I need to get back in the game."

I waved Ryan away. "Tell us about her."

"She's Brazilian." His infectious smile had returned and it made my heart melt.

"Sounds exotic," I said excitedly.

Cortland nodded. "She's absolutely gorgeous, but down to earth at the same time. I think she's just as into me."

"Why wouldn't she be?" I smiled. "You are perfect, Cortland."

He smiled at me with his lips, but not his eyes. I knew what he was thinking even if he didn't voice it. We still hadn't told Ryan about the rendezvous' we had, and it was starting to weigh on me like an anchor. I told my brother everything and Cortland did as well. Cortland stared at me for a moment, silently asking if it was the right time to confess our sins. I took a deep breath, dreading the conversation, then nodded.

"I'm happy for you, man," Ryan said. "Let me know if she has a single girlfriend."

"Will do," Cortland said with a nod.

The awkward silence stretched between us as we waited for the other to speak first. Neither one of us wanted to do it, especially Cortland since he was risking his friendship with Ryan. Ryan picked up on the tension.

"What's up?" he asked as he put down his burger. "It just got weird all of a sudden."

I decided to speak up. "Ryan, Cortland and I have something to tell you."

Ryan glanced at Cortland then locked his gaze with mine. The confusion was evident on his face, and I knew he was frightened of my following words. He had no idea what was coming.

"A few weeks ago, Cortland and I were drinking and one thing led to another and—"

"You kissed?"

I stared at Ryan. I wished that was all that happened. "No, actually, we slept together." I felt Cortland shift his weight in the seat next to me, moving as far away from me as possible. Ryan didn't react at all. He stared at me with wide eyes like he hadn't heard a word I said. Ryan finally turned his gaze on Cortland. His eyes were lit in flames.

"I can't believe you would fuck with my sister like that," he snapped. "I fucking trusted you."

"Keep your voice down," I said.

"Shut up!" He turned his gaze back to Cortland. "She was a complete mess when she got here, and you just fucked her at the first opportunity?"

Ryan's anger was novel to me. I had seen him get mad before, but it was nothing compared to this. Cortland and I both anticipated his reaction, but we weren't prepared for that ferocity.

"You motherfucker!" he said to Cortland. "Piece of shit!" Ryan rose from his seat, but I grabbed his hand and dragged him back down.

"Listen to us before you overreact," I commanded.

Ryan didn't look at me. His angry stare was reserved for Cortland. "Shut up, Scarlet. Stay out of this."

"I came onto Cortland," I said. "He was drunk but I was fairly sober. I wanted it to happen. Cortland didn't take advantage of me—I took advantage of him. And he didn't use me. Cortland is my closest friend and we are closer because of it—I love him."

Ryan shook his head. "I can't believe this," he said. He looked at me then turned back to Cortland. "So you cheated on Elizabeth with my sister? That's why you broke up?"

Cortland nodded. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I would never hurt your family on purpose—she is my family, too. We both needed each other at that moment and we are better off for it. I'm sorry, man."

"Please let it go, Ryan," I said.

Ryan looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. "Was that the only time?"

Cortland and I were both silent. Finally, Cortland spoke. "No."

Ryan shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. "I can't believe this."

"It happened one more time and that's it," I said. "We needed it even though we knew it was wrong. But I don't regret it, Ryan. Cortland and I are closer than ever—he's my best friend."

"I thought Sean was your best friend?" he snapped.

I flinched at the venom in this voice. "Not anymore," I whispered.

Ryan shook his head. "I can't forgive you for this, Cortland. You crossed a line. I can't trust you."

"Don't be like that," I yelled at him. Customers in the restaurant looked over at us, startled by the loud sound of my voice. "You can trust Cortland. We both decided to be honest with you when we didn't have to be. We could have hid it from you and you never would have known. If anything, you should trust Cortland more. He has taken care of me just as much as you have. Cut him some slack, Ryan."

Ryan shook his head and said nothing.

"And frankly, it's none of your business who I sleep with." I continued. "Cortland is my friend just as much as he is yours. I'm a big girl—I can take care of myself."

Ryan stared at us for a moment. The thoughts were running through his head, and I didn't know what he would say next. I felt Cortland tense beside me, fearing that Ryan would cut him out of his life forever.

"Is it going to happen again?" Ryan whispered.

"Never," I said quickly.

Cortland nodded. "Scarlet and I are just friends—very close friends. I've already started seeing someone else, and you saw how happy Scarlet was for me. Our relationship is platonic—nothing more."

Ryan nodded. "The only reason I am forgiving you is because Scarlet seems fine with it. And because you were up front with me and told me about it."

Cortland released a deep breath. "Thank you."

"Why aren't you angry with me?" I asked. "My actions were just as wrong as his. Why is Cortland taking the heat?"

"Cortland knew exactly what he was doing—you were out of your mind," Ryan said.

"I'm still responsible for my actions. I never should have messed around with your friend and risked your friendship. I want you to know that I'm sorry, Ryan. I never should have done that."

Ryan met my gaze. "I forgive you, Scarlet. Since there was no harm done, I think we can all move on." He drank from his soda and put it down. "Let's just forget about the whole thing."

"That sounds good," Cortland said as he started to eat his food again. I picked up my shake and started to drink from it. The waist of my pants was starting to get tighter from all the milkshakes I've had. A gym membership was a necessity if I was going to keep my figure. Ryan and Cortland never had a problem with their weight since they exercised all the time.

"So, back to this girl." I smiled. "What's her name?"

"Monnique," Cortland said.

"I like it," I said. "Where did you meet her?"

"She's a nurse at the hospital. I was fixing the printer in her department and we started talking. I told her she was foxy."

Ryan laughed. "That actually worked?"

"I got game." Cortland smiled.

I started clapping my hands together excitedly. "Set up a double date."

Cortland raised an eyebrow. "With who?" he asked.

"With me and Ryan," I said. "Just because we are related doesn't mean he can't be my date. I want to get to know her and see if she's a good fit."

"She better be—she's gorgeous," Cortland said.

"Looks aren't everything," I reminded him.

"But they help," Ryan added. "Now I have to see this girl."

"She's mine," Cortland said. "Get your own."

"I'm trying." Ryan laughed. "Seriously, let me know if she's got some cute friends, preferably one that gets a Brazilian wax and wears a thong to the beach."

"Don't be gross, Ryan," I said.

"I'm not," he said. "Those are qualities that every man looks for."

"Have you slept with her?" I asked. I didn't feel awkward asking him this, and I could tell Cortland wasn't bothered by my intrusive question.

"No," he said. "I want to take it slow. I really like her."

"That's smart." I nodded. "Let her think you respect her."

Cortland laughed. "I do respect her."

"Yeah, right." Ryan laughed.

"I'm trying to settle down," Cortland said. "I'm not looking for a quick getaway."

I touched Cortland's shoulder. "I hope it works out for you."

"Me too." He smiled.

Ryan's phone started to ring and I felt the panic descend. What if there was another break-in at the shop? We wouldn't be able to stay in business if it happened again. Ryan looked at the screen of his phone and smiled.

"Hey," he said. Who could make him smile like that? "We aren't home. We are down the street at a restaurant called Mega-Shake." Ryan paused then looked at me. "Yeah, she's here." He was silent for a moment. "I'll see you in a few." He hung up and kept smiling.

"Who was that?" The wide smile on his face was starting to annoy me. I knew he was keeping something from me.

"It was nobody."

"Ryan," I pressed. "Who was that? And why are they looking for me?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I guess you'll have to wait and see."

"I'm about to dump my Mega-Shake on you," I threatened.

"You would never waste it." He laughed. "You drink it faster than water."

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my seat, annoyed that Ryan was keeping me in the dark about something. Cortland and I just confessed our sins and now he was deliberately hiding something from me. Ryan and Cortland started talking about a new tattoo he was working on and they both ignored me. I sulked in my seat, fighting the anger that was flooding my body. I would have to wait until this mysterious person arrived. My thoughts immediately went to another author that had a manuscript I could edit. Maybe someone noteworthy, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

That was when I saw him enter the shop, looking around the tables as he searched for us. It wasn't a client that needed my assistance. Sean scanned the restaurant until our eyes met. He was wearing jeans and a plain shirt with his bag over his shoulder. We stared at each other for a few seconds before either of us reacted. Ryan caught me staring past him and he smiled at me, knowing that Sean was right behind him.

"Are you just going to stare at him, or are you actually going to talk to him?" Ryan teased. I completely ignored him. "Sean?" I asked as I got out of my seat. "What are you doing here?"

Sean stepped closer to me and put his hands in his pockets. It was obvious that he was nervous about this interaction and unsure of how I would react to seeing him. He shifted his weight while he looked at me then adjusted his bag. "I wanted to see you."

I crossed my arms over my chest and didn't touch him. Nothing had changed between us. He didn't love me the way I wanted him to. Sean had flown across the country to reestablish our relationship, which made me happy, but it wasn't what I wanted. He would never give me what I wanted. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"No," he said as he shook his head. "Not in the least."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm miserable without you, Scarlet. I don't want to be apart from you anymore. I'm sorry about what happened and I regret it. Please give me another chance."

"I told you I don't want to see you anymore."

Sean sighed. "Please stop acting like you don't love me," he said gently. "Because I love you."

"Sean, I forgive you for what you did. You were right. I shouldn't have assumed we were together in light of your breakup with Penelope. I admit I was wrong about that, but we can't just go back to what we were. I can't be friends with you again—everything has changed."

Sean nodded. "Yes, you're right. Everything has changed."

I didn't understand the meaning of his words, but I decided not to ask. My gaze switched from his face to the floor. The awkwardness was suddenly evident. I was aware of Cortland staring at me, as well as all the other customers in the store, who were eating their burgers and fries, aware of the serious conversation taking place.

Sean reached out and grabbed my hand. "And I'm glad that it has." He moved closer to me and I didn't pull my hand away. The emotions were running back through me. My heart pulsed painfully in my chest as he moved towards me. I knew how much I loved him and wanted him. That knowledge alone was painful.

"I love you, Scarlet," he said. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

I stared at him for a moment. "What?"

"I don't want to be your friend," he whispered. "That's not why I'm here. I never want to be your friend again. I want all of you—every inch of you. I want to kiss you," he said as he ran his fingers through my hair. "I want to hold you. And I definitely want to make love to you—as your boyfriend and nothing less."

I felt the tears fall from my eyes. My brother could hear everything that Sean was saying, but I didn't care. Everything that I had wanted to hear for so long was finally happening. Sean returned my love—he wanted me the way that I wanted him.

"I can't believe this is happening," I whispered.

For the first time, Sean smiled. "I'm glad that it is." He released my hand and wrapped his arms around me, and I fell into his embrace. Holding his body against mine erased every painful feeling that I had. I was so happy that I continued to cry. Sean kissed my forehead as he held me for a while. I enjoyed the moment—I was higher than a kite, but as emotional as a shipwreck. I pulled away from him, and he wiped my tears away.

"I love you," he said as he pressed his head against mine.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

He smiled at me. "And I'm yours," he said. "As long as you'll have me."

"I've always been yours—always."

He kissed my forehead. "I know." He stared at me for a moment. "I'm sorry for taking so long. This wouldn't be happening if I wasn't such an idiot."

"I forgive you, Sean—let's just forget about it."

"I don't deserve you."

I grabbed his face and kissed him gently and his lips ignited a fire within me. His lips felt right against mine and I knew I was meant for him—we were perfect together. Cortland ignited the same desire within me, but Sean's kiss was different—it was amazing. I pulled away from him. "I love you so much," I whispered. "I am so happy that you came back for me."

Sean pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you, too, Scar. I'm sorry that I hurt you.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I said. "I have what I wanted—what I've always wanted."

The story continues....

Forever and Always

(Book Two in the Forever and Always Series)

Available Now

About the Author

E. L. Todd was raised in California where she attended California State University, Stanislaus and received her bachelor's degree in biological sciences, then continued onto her master's degree in education. While she considers science to be interesting, her true passion is writing. Only For You is the first installment of the Forever and Always Series. She is also the author of the Soul Saga Trilogy and an assistant editor at Final-Edits.com.

By E. L. Todd

Soul Catcher

(Book One of the Soul Saga)

Soul Binder

(Book Two of the Soul Saga)

Available December 2013

Only For You

(Book one of the Forever and Always Series)

Forever and Always

(Book Two of the Forever and Always Series)

Edge of Love

(Book three of the Forever and Always Series)

