

Pretty Ugly Place

By Sasha McCallum

Copyright 2019 © Sasha McCallum

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords License Notes

Thank you for downloading this e-book. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be redistributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes.

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Other titles
Chapter 1

Annalise's arms were lean and not particularly strong, they tired fast hauling grocery bags home; it was fortunate they put her in a flat so close to a supermarket.

That she'd had to give up her opulent deli foods and her bags now contained questionable budget items didn't bother her. She missed her car though; she'd always felt safer in the car than the house, it was her sanctuary. Registered in her name, her solicitor assured her it wasn't part of any legal battle and she would have it back pronto. She knew Lyle would be making his job as difficult as possible.

She exited the parking lot and started north along Merton Street.

Kowhai and bare cherry blossom trees lined these roads; she could imagine the scent in the air when spring hit in a few weeks.

A slim blonde walked a hundred metres ahead of her, ambling with all the time in the world. The same woman who had captured her attention around the council buildings.

A police car screeched past, siren blaring, and she appraised the woman's figure from behind. She wore faded jeans, heavily scuffed Converse Chucks, and a plain wool jumper, long hair pulled back in a loose knot. Her clothing was tight enough to suggest the curves beneath. The kind of curves in all the right places that meant she surely exercised to keep unwanted weight off.

Lyle had paid for Annalise to have personal trainer; this woman wasn't wealthy, maybe she would have tips on how to stay in shape without money. It seemed as good excuse as any to talk to her.

An object fell to the sidewalk behind the woman as she walked, inattentive - luck liked Annalise today. She boosted her pace and identified a pair of sunglasses, cheap but chic. She must've had them hanging from a pocket, the sun had dropped below the horizon only within the hour.

Annalise picked them up, pushed them in a bag and hurried to catch up to the blonde.

Her walk was not a meandering, carefree one, as Annalise first thought, but difficult, like she dragged her feet through mud. She carried no bag and kept her hands stuffed in her pockets. The walk of someone struggling to put one foot in front of the other, because, after all, what lay ahead to get to? Annalise knew it well enough.

She tried to get the blonde's attention as she got closer. It took three _Excuse me's_ and another surge in pace before she paused and finally turned to look curiously at Annalise who approached flustered.

"It's hard to get your attention," she puffed as she stopped in front of the woman.

"Sorry," she responded. "I make this walk with my head in the clouds."

Her make-up was light; a little eye-liner, foundation, maybe a dash of lip colour. Up close, her almond-shaped, pale emerald eyes were celestial in the slowly dwindling light of early evening. To stop herself staring, Annalise surveyed the light traffic passing.

Get to the point, you noodle.

She set her bags down, pulled the glasses from one and held them out.

"You dropped these back there a bit." Shame, to cover eyes like that.

"Thanks." The woman accepted and fitted them to the top of her head. She gestured at Annalise's bags. "You're carrying all that and you still stopped to pick up my glasses."

"Of course." She struggled to get her bag straps back into her hands.

"Let me help," Blondie said and reached for a couple.

"Thanks." Annalise smiled shyly. "I've seen you around." She gave her a sidelong look as they made their way to Flora Grove. The blonde's movements were immediately different when they resumed walking. There was a spring in her step. Annalise wondered if it was a deception or because she was actually happy to have company. "You live in 7, the big building."

"Third floor. I've seen you too, they put you in 29, didn't they?"

"Yes. How's the view from your place? I thought it looked like-" She felt the woman sidling closer as they walked, uncomfortably so for a stranger. She reflexively widened the gap between them. It was terribly noticeable; she cringed.

"I'm sorry," the woman said. "It's just that you speak so quietly, I can hardly hear you."

"Oh." Her embarrassment flourished. She raised her voice, "I know. It's something I'm working on."

The blonde head nodded with little expression.

"The view is good," she returned smoothly to the previous topic. "Alternately entertaining, heart-breaking, amusing; scary, depending on the day. I can see 28 and 29 well on the eastern side."

"A good spying position?" Thankfully her voice maintained a level of confidence.

"You're hard to miss. Pretty, prime-of-your-life, white, dressed the way you do. Doesn't happen a lot around here. We get pensioners, crazies, criminals, ex-criminals and, of course, their children and their children's children."

"You're there," she pointed out, because the adjectives could easily be used to describe Green Eyes herself and she needed something to cover a blush at the cursory compliment.

The woman stopped and turned to Annalise. She spread her arms and testified, "My clothes are from The Warehouse and Save Mart. You must have paid a small fortune for that coat, I can literally smell the money on you."

"But I don't have any money on me."

She snorted. "Clever. So, no money, but brains. Brains are better."

She hadn't been trying to be clever but okay, cool. Annalise felt shy, anxiety pinching at her. Unconsciously, she lowered her voice back to whisper level.

"He let me take my clothes. At least a police liaison got him to. Some of them anyway."

"I see," came the consummately simple response and Annalise felt like hugging her for accepting the sentence without pity or questions. "You haven't been here long."

"Two weeks. I've only said hi to a couple of people. I noticed you because you looked around my age and always seem to be alone." She cut off, embarrassed.

"Always alone..." the blonde said distractedly, turned and offered a half-smile. "I'm at ease alone."

She seemed genuine, but Annalise didn't believe her. All the same, she wondered if it would ever be a sentence she could claim for herself with any certainty. She must have looked lost because the emerald eyes narrowed at her in thought.

"Is the flat habitable?" she asked as they approached the front door to number 29.

"Yes. The important thing is, it's mine - I can do whatever I want."

The blonde set her bags on the front steps. "Thanks for picking up my glasses."

"Thank you for helping with my stuff."

"I'm sure I'll see you around," she said then turned and walked toward her own building.

"Nice to meet you," Annalise said softly, disappointed.

Unloading her bags in the tiny kitchen, the green eyes drifted through her mind. They hadn't even met, they hadn't exchanged names. Maybe she seemed too needy. She must have, she was needy.

Annalise had called the council development home for fourteen days exactly now. Funny how they called them developments. They were dotted in every town in the country and all had varying bad reputations. Cheap housing magnetized desperate people. And now, she was one of those desperate people.

After the final rupture with Lyle, she'd spent a night in hospital before the police had placed her with Woman's Refuge, in a stifling house with other abuse victim's - this did not suit her; it only heightened the shame of her situation. She was moved quickly into emergency accommodation, which amounted to a cheap motel, until Housing NZ offered her the flat at Flora Grove in a northern suburb of Wellington.

The other end of the island from Lyle. It seemed admissible.

Through these weeks she was questioned by lawyers and police so the separation settlement would be to her benefit. She barely registered the meetings. It was the counsellors who made the biggest impact - patient and gentle, they had experience with bringing people like her back to life.

Now she had more secure accommodation, was far away from Lyle and using a name he was unlikely to find her under, she was working her way back to what she'd been before her marriage. Herself.

Sequestered in her 'privileged' Hillsborough house, these areas had seemed a galaxy away. News reports constantly leaked out about shootings, stabbings; drug-deals gone wrong, gang wars, but she could only hazily connect those stories to the place she was living now.

The buildings were ugly and apparently placed without designated layout, but the rest was pretty with its neatly trimmed patches of grass and alliance of evergreen and deciduous trees.

There were two main sister buildings, three storey's in height, standing opposite each other with a stretch of green in between. Around them, small, prefabricated, single-storey flats assembled.

She was timid when she first arrived; she would be timid for a while yet, as Blondie had almost certainly observed by the reduced volume of her voice. But it was passing with regard to her new environment.

It didn't feel like the news reports made the places out to be.

The flat was small and dusty, but it was functional. She'd attempted to personalise the inside without the money to do so. What she could afford was paper and pencils - these she bought, used, and hung the sketches she created compulsively all over her walls. It was an act of joy and defiance.

She drew everything, but she liked recreating the scenes around her most. It was all so new. She felt she'd figured something out once she'd drawn it. Felt more comfortable with views simply knowing she could reproduce them.

There were usually people knocking about outside. The chatter, laughter and music from the surrounding flats made her feel like a part of life. She had never felt that with Lyle, in that overcompensation of a house and all those extravagant gifts he bought in apology. She had never agreed with the adage 'money doesn't buy happiness' more than now. The big downside was the music from next door, which sometimes went late into the night. But since she had no early schedule to keep, it didn't pose a problem yet.

When she woke in the morning she was relaxed; there would be no unpredictable moods and withering looks at breakfast, no demands. She could eat what she wanted, or not at all if it suited her. Those first few mornings, she lay in bed with a smile on her face, listening to the dawn chorus of birds. The pest eradication programme meant birds were thriving and she heard the calls of bellbirds, fantails, the strange cackle and screech of the tui with its white plumage and, at night, the elusive morepork. On top of this, she was surprised (and increasingly titillated) to discover she could hear a woman having sex in the next flat most mornings. She seemed to enjoy it, the moans didn't sound faked, though Annalise was no expert in that area.

She was, for the first time in six years, if not happy, content.

Loneliness hadn't registered for a while after she left Lyle because the relief of being free of him was too great. Peace and quiet was exactly what she needed to sort her head out. It only began to seep through since she'd been here; things were settled and she felt safer and infinitely more stable.

There lay the irony - that it was here, in the proverbial fray, she felt _safe._

So, she had noticed the blonde woman. It wasn't hard. If Annalise stood out like a gammy leg in this place, so did the blonde, conspicuous among the Maori and Pacific children playing around the parking lot, who she always smiled and chatted to in passing.

Annalise had seen other women her age but they tended to travel in twos or threes, while this woman kept to herself. She did seem lost in her own world most of the time, but she was clearly not disliked or unfriendly. Simply distanced, like herself.

Finicky the next evening, after the sun went down, she replicated her walk to the supermarket in hopes of running into her again. Destined for disappointment, instead, halfway along Merton Street, she spied something less anticipated on the road, a small lump. When she got closer, it moved. An animal had been hit. She checked the road was clear and ran out.

The rabbit was brown with speckled black. Its ears twitched and its huge eyes stared at her in fear. From the neck down, it didn't move at all.

She took her jacket off and wrapped the woeful critter up to carry home. She laid it in a cardboard box lined with a towel and tried to give it water and food. But it was hopeless, the only response from the animal was the dark eyes, following her every movement. She cried. She wasn't equipped for this, knew nothing about animals. Her parents had had allergies (a lie, she knew) and Lyle had never allowed her to have a pet.

She left the box near her heater that night so at least it wouldn't be cold.

When she found the rabbit still alive early the next morning, she was delighted. It took a little water from the saucer she offered, but the progress was insignificant, it still wasn't moving by the following day.

She began to think it might be best to knock on a neighbour's door and ask advice. But she hadn't gained that level of confidence yet, so she fretted, checking on the animal constantly.

From her kitchen window she had a decent view of the back entrance to apartment building 7 and its fenced washing lines. In the evenings and mornings tenants would bring scraps out to the area and leave them on the concrete for the stray cats. There were four of them, bedraggled, wild looking beggars, but obviously well-fed, benefitting from most resident leftovers. She'd seen Green Eyes do it twice, but her offerings consisted of store-bought cat food, not leftovers. It touched Annalise - that the people here, poor as they were, were still willing to give what they could to the strays. They didn't talk about stuff like that on the news. She supposed it was a mutually beneficial relationship; she had never spotted a rat or mouse around.

On Thursday morning she was at her kitchen window when Blondie came out with a plate of food. Annalise hadn't seen her for three days. While other tenants just tossed food, this woman would crouch down and stroke the nervous cats while they ate. She did it gently, careful not to scare them.

Annalise smiled at her kindness and made for the door. There wouldn't be a better opportunity to ask for advice about her rescue rabbit. And, selfishly, she wanted to meet her properly.

"Hi," she said and the crouched woman looked up and smiled. A disarming smile.

She stood and backed slowly toward Annalise.

"Hey 29. Come to watch the feeding frenzy?"

"I've noticed a lot of the tenants bring their leftovers out. But you bring actual cat food. How come?"

"I never have leftovers. I cook small meals," she shrugged.

"Does that mean you live alone?"

"Yup."

"And you're an animal lover." She stood awkwardly and forced her next words out. "Um... It's stupid, but I don't have anyone else and... Can I get your advice on something?"

"Sure. Sounds interesting."

"It's not very pleasant, so I apologise in advance. And you'll have to come inside."

She was followed through to the small washhouse where she kept the box. She peered inside at the wretched creature, its eyes only half open, blinking sluggishly, and Blondie did the same beside her.

"It's a female. I was walking home the other night and I saw her in the middle of the road. I wrapped her up and brought her here," she explained.

"How long have you had her like this?"

"Two days."

"And she hasn't moved?"

"She moves her ears and eyes, that's about it. She's sipped a bit of water but won't eat. I don't know what to do, I don't have the money for a vet."

Blondie observed the beginning of tears in Annalise's eyes then turned back to the rabbit. She reached down and felt along her back and legs, slim fingers sinking into soft fur. She gave its velvet ears a stroke before speaking.

"Her back is broken, she's suffering."

"How do you know?"

"I don't. But she's paralysed, probably from the neck down, that's not a good sign."

The threatening tears welled up in Annalise's eyes; the blonde was heartbroken by the sight.

"I don't know what's wrong with..." She didn't finish, adding, "I keep thinking of that film, you know the one, _Watership Down_? With their big, innocent eyes..."

"I know it. I hate the thing, never seen a more depressing movie."

"What do I do?"

"A vet would likely put her down, she's damaged beyond repair."

"I know," Annalise said, trying to hold her sob in. "But she's comfortable, right?"

"She's in pain and she's scared. She's wild, she has no idea what you're doing to her. She's not eating, she's done for. She needs to be put out of her misery, stop her suffering. I don't have the money for a vet either."

Appreciating the woman's frankness didn't stop further tears.

"Are you suggesting I kill her myself?" she managed, her voice cracking. "I wouldn't even know how."

"I can do it," Blondie said with no lack of confidence and Annalise looked at her, eyes wide with dismay. "A rabbit's neck is easy to break."

She winced at the image of the tiny animal's neck breaking. The green eyes noticed.

"It will be quick," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Compared to what she's feeling now, it's the best way. It'll be over in a second. You've done everything you can for her." She waited a few beats. "It's totally your choice."

Annalise considered the alternative - keeping her here till she starved to death. Blondie was right.

She blew her nose and hurried from the small room. It was a sign of agreement she hoped the other woman would recognise; she did not want to witness the death.

She sat on the steps to the back door of the flat, trying to distract her mind, but her tears kept flowing. It wasn't just the rabbit she cried for.

Green Eyes came out after only half a minute. She sat and put a hand on Annalise's shoulder. The gesture of unexpected kindness and intimacy was the first she'd experienced in a long time by someone who wasn't a healthcare professional. To the confusion of the blonde it had the opposite effect of easing her tears. She felt a fool, the woman must think her simple-minded.

"Is she dead?"

"Yes."

"Where did you learn how to break an animal's neck?"

"My dad used to take me possum trapping when I was a kid, he taught me."

Annalise wiped at her eyes with a tissue.

"What's your name?" Blondie asked unexpectedly.

"Oh gosh, I'm sitting here blubbering and you don't even know me. Annalise. My name's Annalise."

"I'm Mina."

"Hi." She wiped again at her bloodshot eyes, shied by the introduction.

Mina, the neck-breaker. A hysterical giggle rushed up from her stomach and she forced it back.

"I'm being dumb, it's just a rabbit."

"It's not just a rabbit, it's a _life_. You should never be embarrassed of being sensitive."

Annalise looked up from her tissue to see the green pools watching her intently.

"What should I do with her? I can't just throw her in the skip. That's...barbaric."

Mina studied the teary woman. She knew Annalise's type; the ones reluctant to ask for help though they needed it the most. She would help, she wanted to.

"Do you have any plans for the next hour?"

"No. Why?"

"I don't think it's going to rain," she said, staring at the sky. "We can wrap her up and take her down to the river if you want, bury her in a nice place."

"You'd help me?"

"Course."

"I haven't been to the river yet, is it nice?"

"It's pretty. I'm not sure if it's totally legal to bury animals there but we'll find a hidden spot. Hardly anyone's around this time of day anyway."

Annalise nodded with a sniffle.

"Okay. Let's do that," she agreed quietly.

They wrapped the tiny carcass in handy-towel, placed her in a brown paper sack and Mina borrowed a shovel from one of her downstairs neighbours.

As they walked out to the street Annalise eyed her, swinging the rusty, cumbersome tool at her side. It appeared both amusing and suspicious. Mina noticed her looking and held the shovel aloft as if it were a trophy.

"It's not as if there's anything non-biodegradable in there," she said, nodding at the sack in Annalise's arms. "If it's illegal, it shouldn't be."

"You don't embarrass easily."

"What's to be embarrassed about? Lots of people would do the same thing. The ones who wouldn't can suck my anal region."

Annalise's eyes widened; she was so different. Her confidence infected her; it was quite marvellous - at odds with Lyle's constant concern about appearances. She would not have walked along that street carrying a shovel on her own, but beside Mina, she was confident too.

It was barely a ten minute walk from the council block to the riverside; two streets to the west and a motorway overpass and they were there. Like the housing area, it was picturesque, but much more so without the ugly buildings, the walking trails kept well-maintained and accessible.

Annalise made a plan to investigate up and down the river. Her gym sessions were a thing of the past and she needed exercise, plus, she didn't have much else to do. If she could get her sportswear back, she could start running the trails.

Mina was correct, the wide space between the highway and river was relatively empty this weekday, only a few dog-walkers and joggers who smiled and nodded as they passed, unconcerned by Mina's shovel.

One dog tugged on its leash, interested in the sack.

The section of thick scrub and wind-swept trees - now dark, naked spikes against the overcast sky - between the motorway and the trails was the archetypical place to hide a body. Or find one.

There was little talk as they chose a quiet spot among the trees not far from the water's edge. Annalise was touched Mina had offered to do this. She may have had other plans for the day. It's out of pity, she thought.

Mina dug a small hole and Annalise moved the rocks from it. They placed the paper sack inside and stood back to observe. Mina wondered what kind of animals might be tempted to dig up carrion if they smelt it beneath the surface. But she didn't suppose it mattered. The cycle of life.

The performance was more for Annalise's benefit, whose mind was clearly in a less logical place.

"It seems so small. So nothing," she said.

Mina began to fill the hole.

"You don't have much experience with death, do you?"

"None really. Do you?"

"Enough." She didn't particularize. When the grave was complete, she surprised Annalise by asking, "Do you want me to say a prayer?"

"Do you know one?"

She recited a Hail Mary, surprised she could remember it so well. She even remembered the Eternal Rest her mother used to mutter every time she saw road-kill.

"Bye bunny, I'm sorry one of our stupid cars hit your innocent self. Eternal rest grant to this rabbit, let perpetual light shine upon her, may she rest in peace."

She skipped the 'Lord' and 'God' parts for miserly profane reasons and finished with an 'amen' and the sign of the cross as tradition dictated. When she glanced at Annalise with a grim sort of shrug, the other woman was staring at her, eyes glistening.

"That was nice," she said.

"Mm. Prayers, I think, hold something, an expression of regret, goodwill. To mark the loss of life and show respect."

"Thank you. It really is... You didn't have to do this."

The puffiness around her eyes was slowly retreating. Mina smiled.

"I know. But you don't seem quite as loopy as the others, sensitive but not loopy."

"What others?"

"The others who live at the Block."

"Are you a good judge of character? I probably am loopy."

_Loopy?_ Just the sound of the word made Annalise smile.

"Nope. Living there for two years, you get a feel for the crazy ones. The girl who used to live in your flat talked to herself constantly. Not just talking; arguing, yelling, sometimes just sobbing or laughing outside on the steps for hours on end. At first I assumed she was using a hands-free, it took a while to twig she wasn't right in the head."

The Block seemed to be what the tenants called the housing compound that was their home.

"What happened to her?"

"No idea. It wouldn't surprise me if she got sectioned."

"How awful. Did you know her?"

"No-o-o," she warbled. "I stayed away from her. Selfish, but I'm too unstable to help the crazies. I've been there, they take and take and take until you're the sick one and they're perfectly fine."

"I suppose I can understand that. Maybe you're right, I'm not loopy." As an afterthought, she added, "Are you?"

"Customarily."

"But I like you already."

"Maybe you like loopy people."

"It's your eyes, they distract from the insanity. A pale emerald-green I've never seen before."

"Eyes are supposed to portray insanity more than anything."

"They're quite hypnotic."

"You wear your heart on your sleeve, don't you?"

"Selectively," Annalise returned, decisive and defensive, a tone that furtively said, _I'm not the doormat you take me for_ , and felt instantly remorseful for it.

Remorse worsened by Mina asking if she wanted to walk up the trail a bit.

"Hmm. If you invite me up to yours for a cup of tea sometime, I want to see the view."

"Ah, bribery, the cornerstone of all great friendships."

_Oh._ Annalise clung to that one and began walking in agreement. She said, "As a self-confessed Bedlamite, a simple cup of tea might turn into a dangerous endeavour."

"Tea is always risky business. Bedlamite," Mina snorted, "That's original. You're talking more normally than when we met." She stopped briefly and peered into Annalise's heavy-lidded eyes. "And look, eye-contact! You're feeling better?"

"Much." The ribbing didn't annoy her; she was only feeling better because of Mina.

"You are always welcome for tea at my place."

Annalise smiled and walked on. "How far do these trails go?"

"Farther than I've ever been. Up at the top, past the parks, the tar-seal tracks end, dirt trails swerve up into heavy bush and forestry. The Tararua Ranges. People die getting lost there."

"It's the perfect place for running."

"You run?" Mina turned to her.

"On machines in a gym. This would be better."

"It is. Fresh air, beautiful scenery. Fuck the gym. I run every morning."

"Fuck the gym? Well, I can't pay for it anymore so I guess, yeah...fuck the gym."

She used the curse word awkwardly, unpractised with swearing and slang.

"Let me guess, you had a personal trainer."

"My husband insisted, he made sure the guy was gay though. He wanted me to stay thin."

"You don't need some over-priced, over-muscled poser to do that."

"He was nice. You're not a homophobe, are you?"

"I'm not a homophobe, I was with a woman for three years," she said with a small laugh, then changed her tone. "It's easy to be nice when you're getting paid for it."

Annalise didn't absorb the bitterness of her latter words. The former sentence was said so sloppily, like it didn't matter at all. It was embarrassing it came as such a shock. She needed to think about it more when she was free to do so. Alone. She stuck to the safe subject.

"It doesn't surprise me you run, I was going to ask how you manage to stay in shape. What's your speed and distance?"

"I don't push it, usually around a four minute kilometre. The distance depends on how I'm feeling and if I'm in a hurry or not."

"It's been two months since I was at the gym, I feel so unfit. If I don't start again I'll end up one of those obese ladies scoffing Whoppers at Burger King."

"I can't see that. I have to head back, I have an appointment in an hour. Walk me?"

"Of course." Annalise turned with her. "Sorry to keep you."

"It's good to have a chat, despite the circumstances."

"It is."

Mina noted the sadness behind the soulful blue eyes.

"You should come running with me, headphones in, we don't need to talk; we can just see how well we keep up with each other. Race, maybe. We'll get fitter if we compete."

"Really?"

"Yeah. No talking though, music only."

"I haven't got any of my sports gear with me."

"You're around my size, I could lend you something."

"You're being so nice."

"Should I be mean?"

"You've lived in the Block for two years but I've only ever seen you alone. I don't understand, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm human, there's a lot wrong with me. And you've only been here two weeks."

"Still..."

"I have few close friends, and they don't live in the Block. You have to be careful with the people who live around us, don't trust anyone. It's a formal warning." She smiled widely at Annalise. "Welcome to the dregs of society."

"And yet, I feel safer there than I have in years."

"Try not to let your guard down too low, that's all I'm saying."

She wasn't wrong, of course, it was the lowest point before homelessness or prison. Nevertheless, as their buildings came into view, Annalise felt elated.

"Should I trust _you_?" she asked and Mina turned to her with a cheeky smile. Her teeth were the perfect straight which could only be the result of orthodontic treatment. A far cry from the gap-toothed meth-heads she'd seen on the news. Where had this woman come from?

"You'll have to figure that one out on your own," she said.

"Tell me about it. The Block. Is that what everyone calls it?"

"Unofficially."

"It seems pretty quiet to me, almost pretty."

"Two years ago you wouldn't have said that. They cleaned the place up a lot. Personally, I like living here, but I've been informed I'm not normal. A lot of people are only here for short periods before they move on to better things. You strike me as that type, you'll pull yourself out of this."

"I hope to, but things are complicated right now. I can tell you one thing, I used to be scared of places like this, but the two weeks I've been there have been the best I've had in years. A little lonely maybe, but relaxed."

"You've had a tough time. I won't ask, but I'm here if you want to talk about anything."

They approached Annalise's flat; the walk had gone too quickly.

"I want-" she blurted disgracefully then lowered her voice. "Can I have your phone number? You're the only one I know here, and..."

The weight of her fallen silence was lifted effortlessly.

"We killed a rabbit and buried it together, we're bonded," Mina said.

" _You_ killed a rabbit." It was too soon to joke about, Annalise felt guilty.

And would later ruminate on that word - bonded. On spot she liked it, but in a practical sense, did she really want to be bonded to someone like Mina? _Anyone_ on the Block.

"Pass your phone." Mina took it and poked her number in the contact list. "Pimp me out, bitch, and I'll cut your throat."

"What?" The sentence came from nowhere and alarmed Annalise; Mina chuckled. "Damn, your sense of humour is going to take some getting used to. Stop tuning my vulnerability." Her assertive words surprised her.

Mina laughed. A wicked and beautiful laugh. Annalise was riveted by it. By a laugh.

"Rules," she continued. "Don't give my number to anyone else. Don't tell anyone else you have my number. Don't tell anyone else where I live or who I am. I will afford you the same treatment."

She chuckled again; Annalise wasn't sure if she was being made fun of but she liked it. The banter.

"Anything else?"

"I prefer texts to calls, talking is not my forte. Text anytime. When I have your number, we'll organise this eminently treacherous tea party."

"I'm counting on it. Hey, Mina? Thanks for what you did, with the... I couldn't have done it without you."

"I would have picked it up too."

"I didn't help her at all in the end."

"You tried, that's what counts." Mina shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"Go. To your appointment."

"I'll see ya, Annalise."

Annalise watched her go. She looked down at her phone. Mina: 024 767528. Goose-bumps rose on her warm skin. It was loneliness, just loneliness.

She took the box with the rabbit's soiled linen and placed the whole lot in the skip beside the car park. Annalise didn't toss things in skips, she placed.

Gratitude curdled with distaste at the way Mina had jockeyed in and handled the problem so easily. She'd been right, they could do nothing for the poor creature. A vet would probably laugh even if they did have money, ultimately rabbits were considered pests. And Mina was an animal-lover, it can't have been easy for her. But she'd done it. _For me._ Gratitude neutralized her distaste.

She returned to the tiny flat and automatically went to her table to sketch.

Mina. Annalise seeded a fantasy that day; that she was actually some kind of plant, an HNZ employee or even an undercover cop put on the block to keep an eye on things. The place had only changed since she'd been there, it wasn't completely fanciful. Not that she wanted her to be police, it just made more sense.

It was a comfort knowing she had the number.
Chapter 2

Thursday and Friday nights were quiet, there was music but it was travelling a distance and the five unbroken hours she got were good sleeps for Annalise.

By contrast, Saturday presented a problem.

She arrived back after a tranquil wander around town. Twilight had fallen and music already throbbed from the flat connected to hers. As she got nearer she heard raised, angry voices, at least three of them, male and female. The closer she drew, the louder they got and her nerves began to play an ugly tune. She hadn't heard such rage since her final encounter with Lyle and she didn't like it at all. Undesirable emotions flooded back.

She stayed hidden around the corner of the high driveway fence and tried to ascertain what was going on and how bad it was. Hell could freeze over before she'd attempt to approach her door with that happening right beside it.

Three women and two men were going at it like she'd never seen. They screamed and pushed, though for the life of her she couldn't pick what the dispute was. They were all intoxicated and one of the men was clearly not wanted there by the others. They were trying to get him to leave and he kept threatening to smash their car up. This was the closest she'd witnessed to the stories of these places on the news. She didn't know what to do, felt weak and useless, standing, half-hidden by the fence in the gradually fading light. She wondered if she should call the police.

She didn't know how long she stood there watching the tumult and waiting for either the man to leave or the police to come.

" _Psst!_ " A voice sounded behind her, so close she jumped.

When she turned to see Mina's face in the half-darkness, her knees weakened with relief.

"I almost peed myself," she accused.

Mina held an empty cat dish at her side and kept her eyes on Annalise, not the horrendous row taking place a few metres away.

"Just another Saturday night, aye?" she said cheerfully and Annalise's heart rate began to slow. "You're spying."

"I am not, I'm waiting for them to stop. They're too close to my door."

"Not very, you can get past. Just go, they won't pay any attention to you."

"You're joking, they sound like they're about to kill each other."

"It's not that bad. Come on, I'll take you."

Without waiting for agreement, she grabbed Annalise's hand and led her confidently to her door while the screaming continued and Annalise kept her eyes on the ground.

She was right, the hostile parties continued their row, heedless to either of them; it didn't mean Annalise wasn't still scared. Mina stood behind her as she scrambled to unlock and get inside. She pulled the blonde with her and bolted the door. Her eyes darted around the kitchen. Everything seemed to be in place. She turned to Mina, who stood smiling quirkily at her.

"Mina..." She was avoiding eye contact again and made a conscious effort to stop it. The music was too loud in here, the walls were vibrating.

"Annalise..." she echoed, stepping further into the kitchen.

"I hate this song."

"No!" Mina exclaimed. "Not Nicki Minaj! _'Oh. My. Gosh. Look at. Her. Butt'_ ," she mimicked in an American accent with claws. Annalise winced and laughed.

"How do you have a smile on your face with that going on?"

"They're not victimizing _me_. It happens occasionally, someone gets too tanked and starts acting up and the rest of the house kick them out. They're taking care of it, they're not involving anyone else. Can I look around your place? I've never been in one of these flats before. I didn't get to see much with the rabbit."

She put the cat tray on the counter and moved toward the lounge.

"Yes, of course. I should have shown you then but... Well, there isn't much to show, is there?"

The living area, the whole flat was sparsely equipped with cheap furniture and appliances Social Welfare had given her a grant for. Eye-sore that it looked, it was comfortable. The sofa was sleep-worthy and the bed was a dream after six years of Lyle's hard-as-rock mattresses. But why was she thinking about the bed, Mina didn't want to see the bedroom. Did she?

"There's this," she said as she entered the living room and moved toward the sketch-covered walls. Annalise stood back watching. For six years no one but her husband had seen her drawings; she was afraid of Mina's reaction.

"Did you go to art school?" she asked.

"No. They're just doodles."

"Rack off, you're really good," she said matter-of-factly and began moving about the room. She wore a strange little smile as she said, "This one. He's a regular around here." The sketch was of a bent old man wearing a discoloured tweed flat-cap; a broom and plastic bag in his gnarled hands. He wandered the area alone every day, sweeping what the council workers had missed and picking up the odd piece of rubbish. "He caught your eye too."

"I suppose he did."

She moved further along the wall and Annalise held her breath. She reached the sketch she'd done of her just after their burial trip. Mina stared at it.

"Me?"

Annalise nodded, afraid to speak.

"You've made me too beautiful."

"Lyle didn't like my drawings," she said quietly "He always threw it in the rubbish if he saw one."

"Lyle is your husband? Tosser."

Her eyes widened at the insult; partly out of agreement, partly from remembering how he'd react if Annalise said anything remotely offensive to him.

"It's why I've got them all around. Now that I'm free to, you know? It makes it feel like my place, I've never had that before."

Abruptly, Mina turned and was hugging her, a warm, tight hug. Annalise could smell her shampoo. She pulled away and studied the pictures again.

"What was that for?"

"For being an awesome person," she said lightly.

A loud crash and the sound of glass shattering outside was followed by another deluge of verbal abuse.

Annalise flinched and froze; Mina went to the kitchen and checked out the window.

When she returned, she said, "It was one of their windows." She stared at Annalise who knew she must look like cornered prey. In a gesture that shocked her with its tenderness, Mina took her hands and rubbed them between her own, they were warm and dry while hers were cold with nervous perspiration. "You're shaking."

"What if they break one of my windows? What if they get in?"

"Okay." She allowed Annalise's hands to fall abandoned to her sides. "It's still early, do you want to come to my place? You should feel safer there."

"Yeah?"

"I was only going to have dinner and watch TV. I've got extra pizza."

"Then yes, I really, really want to."

"Grab what you need and we'll make a break for it," she said.

She waited in the kitchen, watching the goings-on, while Annalise went to her bedroom and put her laptop in a bag - the one thing she absolutely couldn't afford to lose. What else did she need? Her fear of being down here was slowly replaced by nervousness at visiting with Mina. She barely knew the woman after all. But this was not the time to be picky about where she received help and she liked Mina. She just didn't know how trustworthy she was. Phone and keys in her pocket, she returned to the kitchen, shoulder bag strung over an arm.

"Ready?" Mina asked and she nodded.

Again Mina stood behind her as she relocked her door, sheltering her from the fight roaring around them. They made it down the driveway and toward building 7. Mina strode, cat tray swinging at her side, while Annalise felt like she was imitating Mission Impossible.

She didn't know what to expect following her into the building. She stayed quiet and observed the magnetic doors and CCTV cameras on the entrance and landings to each floor as they climbed the stairs. It didn't make her uncomfortable, quite the converse - she thought maybe she got a raw deal not getting into one of these buildings. They were infinitely more protected than her own.

She took note of the number 17 on Mina's door as she unlocked it.

The door was heavy, had to be held open and slammed shut on its own as soon as it was let go. There were three locks and a peep-hole. A door that would be very difficult to kick in.

The flat appeared much larger than her own, but, she surmised, that was because it was open-plan with a kitchenette attached to the living area and windows covering the eastern wall where a door led to a narrow balcony. Lights twinkled through windows. A single L-shaped sofa presided over the back corner of the lounge, a wide, sprawling suite that could seat up to eight people and had a wooden panel at the right angle for use as a table. It wouldn't have looked out of place in 1975. The curtains hung open, thick and dark; black-out curtains. A heater glowed orange below of a 55" flat-screen TV. A hardwood dining table with six chairs was placed in front of the balcony windows, draped with a dark purple tablecloth. With papers, notebooks and a laptop, it was clearly used as a desk. The back wall was dominated by an enormous laminated world map, while the others were pinned with paper. Just like hers; were they twins? But no, these were not pictures but words.

Behind the sofa, a built-in bookshelf was crammed with books.

Upon first inspection, the flat was the most mismatched place she'd ever been in. She liked it immediately. It was warm, clean and smelt incredible. A resonant, berried scent. Her shakes were subsiding. The voices from downstairs had receded to the point where Annalise could ignore them.

Mina crossed to the balcony door and gestured for her to follow. She pulled the deadbolt and led Annalise out; the rage restored.

"You see?" Mina said, as she leaned over the railing. "From here, we can watch the trouble unfold like entertainment."

Her smile fell away when she observed Annalise's worried expression. They returned inside; the voices mercifully shut out.

"Shouldn't someone call the police?" she asked. "It's been going on a while."

"Someone will if it gets too physical. You can tell the ones that are just steam-letting from those with the potential to turn life-threatening. It's in the way they scream at each other. A subtle difference."

"What difference?"

"One of the big signs is if they're fighting about something in particular. If there's a genuine beef between two sides, it's much more likely to turn ugly."

"They don't seem to be arguing about anything, just trying to get that guy to leave."

Mina nodded. "Because he's starting to be an arse. Technically, it's a good thing."

"Do you ever call the police?"

"I did a couple of times back when the place was really bad. Too many gang-members who didn't know not to shit where they eat. But it's changed now. My rule is, unless there's a kid or animal involved, stay out of it. The women around here..." She paused and Annalise's paranoid mind finished the sentence - _are not like you_. "They're tough," Mina spared her the injury. "More often than not it's them starting it. They give as good as they get mostly."

She put her bag on the sofa and peered again around the sitting area while Mina straightened her papers on the table.

The place was curiously devoid of knickknacks and framed photos, but several unlit pink and red candles in glass holders sat on the coffee table and shelves behind the sofa. Mina noticed her looking at them.

"I shouldn't buy them, I know. It's a waste of money and the glass has to be recycled. But smell one."

Annalise picked one up and sniffed. Inhaled deeply. This was the source of that subtle berry scent.

"Where do you get them? It's divine."

"That gift store on Seddon Street. They make me feel guilty but..."

"It's worth it," Annalise supplied, still holding the candle under her nose.

"Plus, I need something to get rid of the weed smell, air-fresheners just don't work as well."

"Weed? You smoke marijuana?"

Although taken-aback by Mina's openness, the information didn't disturb her; it had been commonplace among friends at school and back when she'd worked. Lyle had always been strictly against pot-smoking (or anything remotely liberal) and whined cattily about government attempts to legalise it.

"Once or twice a week."

"Would you believe I've never tried it?"

"Yes. Sit, make yourself comfortable. Do you want a drink?"

"What are you offering?"

"I don't drink but I have a bottle of wine that was given to me and someone left some beers in the fridge if you want. Or, you know, tea, coffee, milo, water."

"Beer." Annalise said defiantly. "Please."

"You strike me as more a wine woman. Feeling bold?"

"Yes."

She clicked the TV on muted and made for the kitchen. Annalise went to a wall and studied the pages. They were poems. Alfred Noyes, Mary Howitt, Emily Dickenson. Several by Rudyard Kipling. One, titled _The Female of the Species_ , caught her eye. She began to read a section out loud.

" _'Man, a bear in most relations_ - _worm and savage otherwise-_

Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise,

Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact

_To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.'_ "

Mina approached, handed her an uncapped bottle of Steinlager Pure and flopped down on the sofa. She spoke, spit-balling the next stanza.

" _'Fear or foolishness impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,_

To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.

_Mirth obscene diverts his anger_ - _Doubt and Pity oft perplex_

_Him in dealing with an issue_ - _to the scandal of The Sex!'_ "

She spoke with passion; it was obvious the words delighted her. Impressed, Annalise read on, her voice dull compared to Mina's.

" _'But the woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame_

Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;

And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,

_The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.'_ "

Mina:

" _'She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast_

Must not deal in doubt or pity, must not swerve for fact or jest.

_These be purely male diversions_ - _not in these her honour dwells-_

_She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.'_ "

Annalise turned to her with a wide smile.

"It's about motherhood, isn't it? It's quite dramatic."

"The irony is, Rudyard Kipling was your typical chauvinist of the time. He was against Woman's Suffrage. When you really look at it, the poem is basically comparing women to animals. He probably meant it to sound sarcastic but his mockery is lost in the twenty first century. I read it at face-value, I adore it."

"Do you know them all by heart?"

"Maybe. Sometimes I just stand in front of them reading, over and over. It gives me tingles."

"Where did you come from?" Annalise muttered to herself.

Mina unmuted the television.

"There's pizza in the oven, be about ten minutes," she said.

She lay stretched on one side of the sofa, legs up, one ankle over the other, head on the arm rest. Her t-shirt had a knot sewn into the material at the bottom; Annalise's gaze strayed to the small patch of milky abdomen exposed at the top of her jeans. It was distracting and confusing.

She glued her eyes to the bookshelf. Most of the volumes were thick; Nietzsche's _Beyond Good and Evil_ , Schopenhauer's _The World as Will and Representation_. She couldn't hold in a giggle when she spotted a Dr Seuss paperback among them, looking entirely out of place.

"You have a kid or something?" she asked, pulling the slim book from its spot.

"Hey, don't knock The Seuss. Every baby should be given a copy of that book at birth and be legally required to keep it with them until death. It was the last book published before his death."

It was titled _Oh, the Places You'll Go!_ - not one of the ones Annalise remembered from her childhood. She sank onto the other side of the sofa, almost _into_ the sofa and read through it quietly.

"Of course," she said when she finished. "You would have the one Dr Seuss book that's philosophical."

"Is it philosophical? I see it as straight forward, good advice."

"It's a step up from _One Fish, Two Fish_. Are you still in your twenties?"

"Just turned thirty."

"I'm thirty two," Annalise sighed.

"You look about sixteen."

"I do not!"

"Bet you still get asked for ID buying alcohol."

"You would too if you bought it."

The sofa was even more comfortable than hers, it had moulded to her backside already, embracing it. If she stopped talking she thought she might nod off.

"How come these buildings have so much security?"

"They used to be havens for crises when I first moved in. Gangs, dealers, addicts. The armed defenders would be here every other night. Someone at HNZ decided to do something about it; they installed the new doors and cameras, started doing more frequent flat inspections. The rabble-rousers slowly got picked off one by one and evicted. It was the murder next door that did it."

"Uh-oh, do I want to know?"

"I don't know, do you?"

"Yes."

"It happened right through that wall, about a year and a half ago. A woman was stabbed. She made it out to the parking area but died later in hospital. It was the final straw for the law, they cracked down."

"Did you know her?"

"No, but I knew the guy that did it."

"Mina!" Annalise laughed. It was the way she spoke, it worked like a hard shot of brandy on her nerves.

"Not well," she continued. "His name was Brendan, big bearded dude, covered in tats. He was always friendly, catching up and making small-talk if he saw me walking. He told me he was bipolar, it's hard with that. Anyway, he's locked up now."

"I wish I had a heavy door like yours, no one could barge that down even if they managed to get in the building. Are there still gang-members around?"

"You don't see many patched members, but yeah, a few affiliates. Mongrel Mob, Black Power. Some of them are okay guys, you just have to keep them at arm's length."

"You're so confident. Why so few patched members?"

"They're organised to the point where they don't have to live in these places. They have their dirty money laundered by white-collars - bankers, lawyers, politicians."

Annalise nodded thoughtfully. She was starting to properly relax despite the subject matter; that was obvious to Mina.

"I think most of the people here now are just trying to live their lives the best they can, take things one day at a time. A fight starts up every now and then. Alcohol is often behind it, the worse ones involve meth. You get people who've been up for days and start drinking to come down. Not good."

Annalise absorbed her words. She spoke casually, she had the patterns all figured out and even managed to find humour in them.

"I'm really glad we met." It wasn't an appropriate response but it was how Annalise felt.

"Me too. How's the beer?"

"Terrible. I love it. It's just more of a sip than skull job."

Mina brought her two huge slices of mozzarella and basil pesto pizza.

"Are you vegetarian?"

"Nope, I like a bit of meat now and then. Usually white," she said as she sat. She frowned. "That wasn't meant to sound racist or sexual. Are you a veggie?"

"No, but this is delicious. Where did you get it?"

"They're just in the freezers at Pac 'n Save. The gourmet ones are more expensive but still a lot cheaper than ordering from Dominoes or Hell."

Annalise scarfed them swinishly while they watched the evening news. It was nice to watch on the larger screen, she didn't have a TV yet and had been using her laptop to watch OnDemand Freeview.

She couldn't keep her eyes open after eating. She remembered seeing a forecast temperature of ten degrees Celsius for tomorrow. Her last thought was, _we barely had a winter._

Mina noticed she was slumped to one side, unconscious despite the blaring television. She got the spare duvet from the linen cupboard, encouraged her into lying position and slid a pillow under her head. Annalise reached blindly for her hand in her sleep. She mumbled something incoherent and squeezed her fingers briefly. Mina felt something she'd managed to dodge for two years at the touch. Chemistry.

The brunette's lashes were startlingly long and dark against her creamy skin.

Most find it hard to believe sleep isn't always peaceful, and for some people, rarely is. Annalise's sleep was a peaceful one; for the first time Mina saw her completely devoid of anxiety.

When she woke, there was a moment of panic at the unfamiliar smell and feel of the sofa.

"Morning sunshine, you've been asleep for over twelve hours."

Mina materialised with a cup of coffee and held it out to her. She was already showered and dressed, looking utterly put together. Annalise sat up drowsily and accepted the cup.

"No way," she said, observing the grey sky through the windows.

"Yes way, it's after nine."

She picked her phone off the coffee table and checked.

"I didn't know that was even possible."

"You must've needed it. How many hours have you been getting a night?"

"Five or six. I thought I was good." She adjusted yesterday's shirt around her waist in embarrassment. "Sorry, you should have woken me."

"Nah. The music went on late last night, but everything's quiet now. I've been down and checked, your windows are fine."

"What about the fight? Did the police come?"

"It died out before you did. You were beat, you only had one beer."

"That's what I can taste in my mouth. Gross."

"Hurry up, I have to go out in half an hour and I don't trust you enough to leave you here on your own. By the way, you grind your teeth in your sleep."

Annalise smiled at her natural frankness and took a gulp of coffee.

"Oh?" she said. "I've never been told that before."

"Not much, just a little bit when I got up earlier. It's a sign of anxiety."

"Your sofa is ridiculous. You might as well have roofied me," she mumbled.

"Ha," Mina laughed. "People have accused that couch of being alive."

"God, I hope not. If it is, it had its way with me last night."

"You may need a pregnancy test. I wonder what the baby will look like."

"Thanks for letting me stay." Annalise pushed the duvet down with a chuckle, got up slowly and stretched. "Home. I feel yucky."

"Since you made me miss my run this morning," she called from the kitchen, "how do you feel about coming tomorrow?"

"Yeah, absolutely, what time? Oh no..." Her face fell. "I still haven't got anything to wear."

Mina was prepared, she came and put a small pile of clothes on the coffee table and a pair of sneakers by Annalise's feet.

"Try these, I checked your shoes, they should fit. And they don't smell too bad."

Annalise sniffed them dubiously.

"They don't smell at all," she said in relief.

"Yeah, it's been a while since I wore them."

They did fit, but Annalise knew not to trust a pair of sneakers until she'd tried them out properly. She agreed to meet Mina outside at eight thirty the following morning and they parted ways for the day.

A day that would turn out to be brighter than any previous. The grass looked greener, the ugly buildings took on a humble charm, and the flat, which had felt so defenceless last night, became her paradise while she sketched and listened to the radio softly.

She plugged her earphones in and ran by Mina's side the next morning. Her legs were stiff at first but she got into the rhythm quickly and was grateful there was no talk; they could concentrate on the exercise itself. She allowed Mina to guide her and kept up well; the run went by in a flash. Fresh air and actual progression from one point to another was intoxicating; she wondered why she had ever bothered with a gym. Lyle, she reminded herself. Lyle wouldn't have wanted her running the streets on her own. He wouldn't have allowed her to have a friend like Mina either. With a simple _She's trash_ , he would have dismissed her straight away and forced Annalise to do the same. How many potential friendships had passed her by because of that routine?

They ran much farther than Mina was accustomed to and when they reached the south end of Harcourt Park, she sensed Annalise begin to slow beside her. She eventually came to a standstill and bent down, clutching her knees. Mina stopped and pulled the buds from her ears.

"Whew," she gushed, standing in front of Annalise's flushed, huffing face. "I thought you were never going to run out of steam."

"Ahh! We've done more than you usually do? You tricked me!" She laughed through her hyperventilation and flopped down on the grass next to the path. "I've been running on empty for at least ten minutes. I'll never make it back."

Mina took the water off her back and offered it to Annalise.

"Are the sneakers okay?"

"No problem at all, no blisters. You broke them in, we must have the same shaped feet. That was a true rush, I should not have waited so long. Look at this place!"

Below them, to the right, white water rapids flowed swiftly between large, reddish rocks. A majestic suspension footbridge stretched across the river, meeting a row of pine, bright green grass and a sprawling pond beyond, where wild and Muscovy ducks mingled with pukeko and tekapo. Behind them, the town nestled out of sight and in front, hills heavy with dark forestry extended as far as the eye could see. Annalise couldn't wipe the smile from her face.

"You're in good shape for such a long break," Mina said.

"I surprised myself," she admitted.

"Should we start walking? I'm not sure if I can run any more either. You pushed me, I usually turn back at the second bridge, but I wanted to see how far you could get."

"Yeah, let's walk."

"I'm going to be late for my hours, but it doesn't matter."

"Hours?"

"Voluntary work."

"Where do you volunteer?"

"The no-kill feline shelter in the Heights. It makes me feel like I earn my welfare and looks better on job applications. Four hours, four days a week, I clean up cat shit. Yes, I think I earn my $160."

Annalise grimaced. "You're being underpaid. Still, I guess someone has to do it. Is it that bad?"

"Nah. Sometimes I just get to play with the kittens, it helps socialise them."

"Why don't you take those poor strays from the Block there?"

"They are not poor strays! They're our resident rat-catchers, we need them. Besides, they're wild, they wouldn't do well at the shelter. Feral cats are kept isolated, it's sad."

Annalise fell into silence for a minute as they walked, the air fresh against cooling skin. Her query was clear and strong and she was afraid to ask it.

"What?" Mina said eventually. "I can hear your brain whirring."

"Why volunteer? You're physically fit, smart, educated. How does someone like you end up in this position?"

"All walks, Lise. Why do you think I haven't asked about your history yet?"

"Manners?" she suggested and Mina snorted. Annalise took a moment to think. "Because you don't want me to ask about yours."

"Bingo. I have an amoral past."

"Now you _have_ to tell me. C'mon, I'm open-minded." She could try to be anyway.

Annalise couldn't remember a time she'd been so pushy. She liked how relaxed she was with Mina, how free she felt to speak her mind.

"I have a few criminal convictions," Mina dropped the bombshell. "One was for fraud, that's the nasty one. Even voluntary work is hard to find. It feels like people would prefer to hire someone convicted of murder than fraud sometimes. It's a trust thing, I guess."

"When did this happen?"

"It's been two years since my last conviction. I was operational until about 2016. But I was running with a bad crowd - drugs, alcohol; general flushing of one's life down the toilet."

She ached to ask for details of Mina's crimes but decided that could wait.

"Thanks for being honest. Do you apply for jobs?"

"At least one every week. Seventy percent of them don't go to interview stage. I have to fully disclose my criminal record on applications."

"That's poked. There's so much you could do."

"Eh," she said. "Everyone in the country should be forced to live like us for a few months. The real worry is when you get too used to it, like I have."

"You've adapted."

"I'm in a rut, Lise. I've got comfortable which means I'm not trying very hard to get out. That's why it's so important you always stay on top of the job section. Where are your parents?"

"We fell out four years ago. They were seeing too much of how the marriage was affecting me, started telling me I needed to stick up for myself. Lyle put a stop to that. We haven't spoken since."

"Sounds like a relationship that can be mended."

"I hope so. I just don't want to contact them while everything is so pro tem. My parents aren't wealthy, they couldn't bail me out of this even if they knew."

"But they'd want to be there for you, supporting you. Where are they?"

"They live in Coromandel, I have their number. I need to push through this on my own though. It would feel wrong to run crying to them now after the way I pushed them out of my life."

"I get that. I never asked my family for help either. No brothers or sisters?"

"No."

"Have you been looking at work?"

"I have an interview tomorrow. I'm really nervous."

"What's the job?"

"Retail. I worked in retail for three years when I was a teenager, I could do it with my hands tied."

"Unlike me. I always go for the background jobs. Do you want me to practice interview you?"

"Yes, actually. That would help a lot." She smiled to herself. "You're the first person to call me Lise."

"Annalise is a mouthful and I'm a thoroughly lazy shrew. Want me to stop?"

"No, I like it." She nabbed the water bottle from Mina's grasp and took a swig. "I was Ani to Lyle, later the formal Annalise, as if I were a mere acquaintance or naughty child." She didn't look at Mina as she recounted, afraid of her response. "By the end it was... Gosh, I couldn't repeat all the things he called me."

"Was he physically violent?"

"His abuse reached quite a few different levels."

"The way you're talking about it is relaxed, that's good." She switched tones, sounding jovial when she said, "To paraphrase Fred Kruger, if you just stop feeling pain, you can start using it."

"You have Rudyard Kipling memorised and you choose to quote the bogeyman," Annalise shook her head with a smirk.

"Bogeymen kick arse. Are you getting counselled?"

"I just started with this woman, her name's Pania. It's effective," she admitted. "Hugely. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Never wanted to get married?"

"I can understand marriage from a legal or financial standpoint, other than that I think the whole charade is a bit ridiculous. Thus speaks the woman who's never been asked," she chuckled.

"What's your relationship status?"

"Oh God," she grinned. "Must we have the girly talk?"

"Come on, I haven't had a girly talk since...long time."

"Shit. Okay."

"Well?"

"Relationships. Ugh. I'm too short."

"We're the same height."

"I'm too fat."

"Wench, you're thinner than me."

"I'm too ugly."

"You're beautiful. Why are you saying these things? Fishing for compliments?"

"You wanted a girly talk," she laughed. "Anyway, people never accept the plain old truth, that I just don't want a relationship. Look at where I live, I'm barely keeping it together as is, love would break me. And don't, don't start harping on about how beautiful and life-affirming it is. Death is also life-affirming. Relationships mean two things for me - unacceptable risk."

She finished abruptly and Annalise snickered inwardly. She would soon learn this was typical behaviour for Mina. She could go off on random tangents if she was passionate about a subject, or, more often, begin one then catch herself and simply stop.

"I wish you'd been around to talk some sense into me when I got engaged," she mumbled. "What's the other thing?"

"The freaky aliens who watch us for entertainment have a bloody good giggle at our expense when they see people in love planning a life together."

"But love feels fantastic. Like heroin... They say."

"I don't do heroin either."

"Do you think they're laughing at the junkies too?"

"These are aliens we're talking about. Most likely just one glimpse at our fleshy, knobbly bodies would make them crack up. And who knows what their laughter looks like? It might bear some resemblance to a human chucking their lunch."

"Maybe our love looks like them vomiting."

She stuck her index finger in the air. "A valid and important hypothesis."

"You were right, you do suck at girlie talks."

"I can't focus, I have menstrual cramps."

"What were you like at school?"

"A highly strung, alienated kid."

"Yeah, I can't imagine you with a clique or bestie, too mainstream. I could see you always sneaking off to be alone and read."

"When I wasn't arguing with the nuns. Which category did you fall into?"

"Guess."

"Were you the girl who couldn't control her bladder? We nicknamed ours Fish."

"Flipping..." Annalise shook with the kind of glee that only comes from making fun of other people. "Does every school have one? We called ours Pee because her name was Penelope. I was never sure if she got that it was mean, she seemed to like the name."

"Do you keep in touch with anyone from your year?"

"God no, many, many bridges were burned in the course of my marriage."

"You could Facebook them."

"I'm not getting lured into the social media trap. Maybe if I had something to be proud of, if I sold my start-up company for twelve million. What do I have to say? My husband was abusive, my marriage is over; I'm living in a council flat, unemployed and have no tertiary qualification."

"If people said stuff like that more, I might have stayed on Facebook."

"Right? Gloating and showboating is all it's for."

"Mark Zuckerberg is a twat. You and I are above all that, and _not_ because we're ashamed of our lives, but because we're not interested in theirs."

"Hear, hear." She studied the side view of Mina's placid face. "I half-heartedly kept up with social media through some of my marriage. It was okay at the start but after a while Lyle ended up with the passwords for all my accounts, I couldn't put anything bad even in an email. Every word I wrote was a lie. Dregs or not, I'm safe and genuine now. I'm the clichéd domestic abuse victim, aren't I?"

"Absolutely," Mina said and Annalise sniggered.

The subject of her failed marriage wasn't hard to discuss with Mina. She was a good listener and the relief Annalise felt unloading was acute. She continued.

"At the time I married Lyle, I felt I was being rescued."

"Rescued from what?"

"Myself, maybe. It felt that way for a while. Then small things started, emotional manipulation, making me feel bad about myself because he was in a mood. He desperately wanted children and when I didn't produce straight away, it got horrible. He became controlling; sex, fertility treatments, it just expanded to every other aspect of myself. What and when I ate or drank, where I was going during the day, who I was seeing. Which wasn't anyone really because he'd driven a wedge between me and anyone else who dared to get close. About a year into the marriage he hit me for the first time. He hated me for not giving him children."

"Amazing, isn't it, how someone like that feels he deserves children."

"You're thinking I'm a fool for putting up with it for so long."

She didn't joke this time, but gazed toward the hills to the east sombrely.

"I was thinking you were brave to get out before he killed you. I've seen people go through that before, you have to come forward and say what you've been living with like it's your fault, subject yourself to Woman's Refuge where you don't know if you'll be safe from them let alone him. That's what I was thinking, you're brave. You're autonomous now, it's your life. Prefer Kipling to Kruger? _'If you can watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build them up with worn out tools'_."

Annalise was queerly empowered by the melodrama. She offered her companion a wholly inappropriate smirk and Mina raised her brow.

"I'll tell you a secret I never told anyone, not even the counsellors. I had an advantage many women in my position don't. I didn't love Lyle, I'd never loved Lyle. I mean," she tilted her head thoughtfully, "early on I thought I did, but I was only ever in love with the idea of him. God knows he charmed me, but underneath, even without the abuse, he had the personality of a dishrag. I couldn't imagine how much worse women who're actually in love with their abuser have it."

"Top marks for positive outlook."

"That's nothing," she said, on a roll now. "Lyle liked rough sex, by the end there was nothing else." She felt Mina's eyes on her as she spoke. "It wasn't so bad though. Lyle has a tiny penis, it couldn't do much damage."

"How tiny?" Mina echoed her grin.

"Shrivel-up-into-his-body-when-he-goes-soft tiny. I often thought if I eventually did get pregnant and give birth, I wouldn't be able to feel sex with him at all."

"Okay, you are a cunt. I love it."

"When the bruises started getting really bad, I pretended I'd lost my phone. I knew it would probably earn me a smack but I'd also get a new phone. The old one I bought a cheap sim card for and did a factory reset. When it was ready, I kept it hidden, took photos of the bruises, I even set it to record some of the worst verbal abuse."

"That's smart," Mina said. "You were preparing to get out."

Annalise nodded. "I kept that phone for years before I finally had the guts to use what I had on it. But I never wanted to protect him, I wanted him to get what he deserved and if that meant prison time, I really didn't care. That's why I find it elemental that I didn't love him, you see?"

"You paint a vivid picture. Did you give the phone to the cops?"

"I kept a copy of what I got on an SD card and gave it to the liaison, so yeah, the police have it. It will work enormously in my favour in the divorce."

"So, you're not actually divorced?"

"Believe it or not, a couple has to be separated for two years before you can get a dissolution order in this country."

"Insane."

"Plus, Lyle is in banking, he has a lot of money and an expensive lawyer. I have a Family Court solicitor and it's mainly for spousal maintenance at this point. I just want a clean break, him knowing he was wrong and the tiny possibility he might learn from it."

"You should get his money as well. He abused you for years, it's a personal injury claim. Pain and suffering."

"That's what my solicitor says," she frowned. "All I want is my stuff back, my car, my belongings."

"Fuck that, if he's as rich as you say, you should get the house and proper compensation."

"I don't want that house. I hated that house."

"Are you still angry with him?"

"I feel hate. Hate is not healthy."

"So channel it into something practical. Imagine how pissed he'd be if you managed to get one over him despite his high-priced lawyer. Then, I don't know, just gave the money to charity or something."

Annalise fell into silence.

"You're still afraid of him. He's that dangerous?"

"He's an obsessive person, I changed my surname when I came here so he wouldn't find me. It's another reason I don't want to contact my parents yet, it'd be the first place he'd look for me."

"Have you got protection or restraining orders?"

"I didn't think I needed them."

"Where is he?"

"Still in Hillsborough, as far as I know."

"Hillsborough, as in Auckland?"

"Yeah. We never had any ties here, I think I'd only been down a couple of times ever. If he knew where I was, he'd be here in an instant, manipulating me back. Or dragging me."

"No wonder you're lonely. Must be weird."

"Who said I was lonely?"

"You did."

"Oh. Well, I guess, sometimes. But I like it here, Wellington is more relaxed and scenic. It's different, being surrounded by all these rolling hills."

"I hope you're not being pumped full of prescription drugs."

"Nah. It was recommended I start an antidepressant, but I said no."

"Good for you. You're not suicidal, are you?"

"Far from it."

"There's only one reason to start with that stuff, if your life is in danger."

Annalise was so absorbed in their conversation she didn't register how much body heat she was losing until they parted company at the bottom of building 7. She let herself into the flat; she was freezing. A state that could only be remedied with a hot shower and dry clothes.

For the rest of the day she felt like superwoman.

She mused it was because she'd got the blood pumping around her body after too long idle, but that was dishonest. It was the simple relief of finding someone who spoke her language. Someone who could translate her new environment for her.
Chapter 3

Her interview the following day was a washout. She didn't let it worry her. It was important to find work but she still appreciated the time to herself. She attended her appointments and pottered around the flat during daylight hours, reading, and sketching.

Her parents took up considerable space in her thoughts; she imagined their reunion, imagined the worst and best case scenario. Occasionally she caught herself wondering what Lyle would think of this or that, what septic castigation might retch from his mouth in response to...everything; how badly he would cope with living like this.

The sensation that greeted her alongside his face was not a wanted one. It wasn't a subject for debate anyway, Lyle would cope miserably, he simply wouldn't do it, and at that, Annalise could smile and move on to a more pleasant image.

Her solicitor secured her car that fourth week she spent at the Block. She picked it up and parked it in the lot between 29 and building 7. The cost of running it made taking long drives impossible, she was just thrilled to have it back.

"A Volvo? _SUV?_ Really, Lise, the expense!" Mina teased when she saw it.

"Yeah, Lyle bought it expecting me to haul his precious progeny around in. Do you think it will be safe there?" she asked and Mina pointed to the camera on the pole right next to it.

Her new friend engaged her thoughts perhaps more than she should.

Annalise familiarized herself with Mina's routine that week and ran with her every morning. Her legs were becoming strong again. They often stopped before home, removing their plugs, walking and chatting. The woman could make her laugh like no one before and her smile was splendidly contagious.

The exercise meant longer, deeper sleeps at night. The simple knowledge there was a friendly face just a text and a couple of hundred metres away was a source of comfort too, especially when she was encouraged to use the notorious sofa at 17 again on the noisy Saturday that marked the end to her fourth week there.

Despite claims to the contrary, she discovered Mina was not a lazy person at all, she kept her days full and never turned the television on before the evening news. The more she learnt about her, the more Annalise became passably awe-struck. Rather than simply adapting to the harshness of her environment, what she saw was a woman who had embraced it and was all but thriving. She met one of her friends on her second Saturday night at 17; the dark-haired, blue-eyed Cody, who couldn't have been more than twenty five. He breezed in, put his socked feet up with a beer and started unloading about his workmates. Apparently that was Mina's role with him - someone to whinge to - though he spoke with the same familiarity to Annalise.

He worked in an auto repair shop; she thought a mechanic would be useful to have around. He seemed sweet and laid-back, the opposite of Lyle. She liked him.

Mina was out most of the day and when she wasn't, she stayed busy. She kept her flat meticulously clean and consumed book after book Annalise would never read. She lived thriftily and didn't complain about money. She didn't complain when she couldn't afford things, didn't complain that 95% of the adverts on television didn't apply to people in their position (an observation which highly aggravated Annalise). That Mina had too little money to retain much of a social life didn't appear to bother her. She rarely complained about anything, the few times she did, the subjects were expansive, impersonal.

She took pleasure from even the most tedious tasks. Annalise had never met a more high-on-life person. She encouraged Annalise with job applications and made their practise interviews fun.

By the end of that first week they spent time together, Annalise's feelings were surfacing. She was attracted to Mina.

They were the first stirrings in the pit of her stomach she'd felt since her honeymoon; so foreign she didn't know what they were, suspected she was coming down with food poisoning.

It was the Tuesday evening of her fifth week and she took a basket of clothes up to use the drier at 17. She didn't have her own yet. Always happy to let her use her stuff, Mina had a habit of lecturing on utilization of the clothes line. Her lectures were rather bureaucratic and abstract, as if she was declaring the ultimate truth to a conference hall, or, sometimes, just reminding herself.

"With summer coming, it only takes a few hours to dry. It's a matter of changing routine..." she droned.

Annalise finished stuffing her pile into the machine and started it. She stood, leaned against the kitchen doorframe and watched her ramble about unnecessary electrical appliances wreaking havoc on the environment.

She spoke zealously, so that Annalise could graphically visualize a washing machine towering over meek little planet earth holding a knife to the North Pole. She smiled and saved the image for a sketch later.

Lyle would never make a suggestion about her actions then stand passively by while she did the complete opposite. Lyle would physically stop her and torment her for weeks afterward.

Preposterous, that she should appreciate such tiny things like those, so she didn't voice her feelings. She came quite close to stepping over and kissing her. She averted her gaze and felt a blush bloom on her cheeks. Later, the desire would become certain; her mind continued to stray to Mina's upturned lips. She imagined they would be very soft to kiss.

The doorbell rang a few minutes after that, the first time Annalise had heard it and she turned to her, wondering what it was.

"It's just my friend Theo, he's dropping something off," Mina told her and pressed the button to release the front door.

The man who arrived had a very different effect on her than Cody. He was smartly dressed and smelt of Lynx body spray. Annalise judged he was probably a couple of years older than herself. With thick black hair and deep brown eyes, he had Maori blood, half at least, and a similar intensity to his expression as Mina. Beautiful men were a sight that made her uncomfortable now. Beautiful men couldn't be trusted.

He seemed as put out by her presence in the flat as she was by his. She didn't like the way he locked eyes as soon as he spotted her then gave her the third degree while Mina shuffled with the box he'd brought on the kitchen counter.

He asked very basic things about her marriage and her husband and she answered as summarily as she could and only out of respect for Mina. He had a melodious, gentle voice which caused a prickling sensation down her spine. Unlike Mina and Cody, he looked at her with sorrow. Pity combined with suspicion was a strange thing to witness. When he was done he returned to Mina's side. He stood over her, too close and muttering words too hushed for Annalise to hear. What was he saying? Mina didn't look concerned, continuing her activities while he spoke.

Eventually she startled Annalise by spouting loudly, "Would you shut up? Always with the fucking micro-managing," and he left not long after, casting an apologetic little grin Annalise's way.

She got the feeling this was the usual vibe between them.

"What was that all about?" she asked. "Are you two..." She couldn't finish and knew what the sensation making her head spin was - jealousy. Such an odd feeling, like Mina was hers alone. It was the same foul sensation she imagined Lyle felt when he was being possessive.

"Theo? Don't worry about him, and no, we're not together."

It didn't settle her tension much.

"Does he know that? He interrogated me and it looked like he was threatening you."

"Not threatening, just warning. He's wary, it takes him a while to trust people."

"He's suspicious of _me_!" If she weren't so irritated by the pity she would have laughed.

"I've made some bad acquaintances in the past, we both have. We try to protect each other from that."

"But..." She must have looked exasperated because Mina laughed.

"Do you think because you're a woman it automatically makes you safe?"

"Yes?"

"I've had the shit kicked out of me by women before," she said and Annalise rose to her knees on the sofa and faced her as she transferred little brown drop bottles from the box on the counter into a shoulder bag.

"You got beat up by girls!?"

"Don't sound so surprised, I'm no fighter. I can run but where's the fun in that? Or honour."

"But you're so nice. What happened?"

"When I first moved here a bunch of big Samoan girls from number 8 took a dislike to me, probably cuz I was a smart-mouth drunk back then. They caught me alone on Merton Street and got me on the ground, bashing my head into the concrete, black eyes, a broken rib. That happened twice. I don't know what I said to them, but I'm sure I deserved it."

"Did you go to hospital? Did you report it?"

"Again, I deserved it. I just had to wear heavy make-up and glasses when I went out for a while."

"How... Why... So, they didn't try it again?"

"They vanished not long after the second time. I stayed and got sober. I call it my initiation into the area."

Annalise shook her head. "You're a mad bitch."

"I've done some stupid things," she agreed.

"But surely Theo doesn't think I'd hurt you or anything."

"Maybe not you. Your miscreant ex, yes. Theo is a worry-wart, he sees danger everywhere."

"Hmm."

The exposé made her wonder; did Mina herself worry about Lyle? She wasn't a mind-reader, technically she couldn't be sure Annalise was finished with him. She'd said things before suggesting she was capable of being manipulated back. Perhaps she had even thought it for a while. Not now. She would never return to the sensation that greeted her upon waking to married life with Lyle. The devil himself couldn't make her. But de jure, Mina didn't know that. She was putting herself in harm's way, giving Annalise the benefit of the doubt.

Annalise adored her. Sensitive, innocent Annalise.

They didn't bowl her over at first, these feelings. They crept up quietly and tapped her on the shoulder. Her situation was so complicated, her friendship with Mina stood as the single thing she was sure of. This made the new feelings delicate, so delicate they weren't to be touched.

Was it just her mention of having been in a relationship with a woman that set the notion in motion? Annalise didn't know.

Only two things changed after her epiphany; she got more nervous around Mina, and she felt relieved to know she was still capable of having those emotions. She had suspected Lyle destroyed any ability she had to trust. Mina had broken through that. If her attraction fizzled out without incident, Annalise would love her forever for that.

It wasn't until several days later the enormity of what she was feeling properly hit her. Everyone around here was so concerned with keeping themselves safe, it made her feel like she should too. And if anything was dangerous, it was feelings like those buzzing through her body now. She began going over everything she knew about Mina, everything she had said.

"How long have you and Theo been friends?" she asked after their run on a Thursday morning.

"We met at uni, must be ten years now."

"He's been with you through thick and thin."

"Thereabouts."

"I assume he has a job?"

"Full time sales merchandiser, part time savant."

"He's not married... Does he have a girlfriend?"

"He broke up with his last a few months ago. Do you like him?" Mina turned to her with a crafty smile. "He's one of the good ones, you just have to get to know him. He's loyal, smart-"

"I'm not interested," she interrupted. "I think he's probably interested in you."

"Theo and I have a business arrangement, we look out for each other."

"What business arrangement? Are you talking about those medicine bottles? What are they?"

"CBD oil. We make and distribute it."

"Cannabis oil." The penny dropped and Annalise's brows knitted. "The stuff on the news. It's illegal."

"Not for much longer," Mina sighed.

That was not a good day for Annalise. She spent most of it reflecting. Mina was distributing illegal substances; that put her in the same category as drug-dealer. She was moving from smoking into hazardous terrain. It hit Annalise hard. She'd spent her whole life being the good girl, Little Miss Teachers Pet. She couldn't be friends with a drug-dealer. Any day, someone could show up to arrest her. God knows what else she had going on. Mina might be one of the few here who could speak her language but she knew other languages as well, languages well outside Annalise's understanding.

She texted her an excuse Friday morning and stuck to her own routine. She did the same the following day with much less confidence.

Both days were insufferable.

On Saturday night at the end of her fifth week on the Block, next door had their music loud again. Mina offered her the sofa at 17 in text and Annalise declined.

She lay in bed that night listening to the music. She wondered if Mina had perhaps overstepped the mark by being open about her illegal activities. It was probably what Theo had warned her about in the kitchen. Along those lines anyway.

Mina herself had told her outright as soon as she asked, which meant she trusted Annalise. Annalise repaid that trust by dismissing her. By avoiding her. Mina wasn't born yesterday - hands down she would be conscious of what Annalise was doing and why. She'd been honest knowing there was risk to it. She must be disappointed. She must be hurt; Annalise was hurting the one person who'd helped her most.

She'd spent the last few years suspecting Lyle's business dealings weren't entirely above board either. She often fantasized about the police coming to take him away in the dead of night.

But that was Lyle. This was Mina. She'd thought it was ludicrous someone like her could be relegated to the side-lines of society just because she'd committed a few crimes. Yet here Annalise was, doing the same thing. By the time dawn broke, she was overtired, depressed and anxious; her lowest condition since she'd been on the Block.

She got up and sat at the table with coffee, researching CBD oil.

The stuff wasn't harmful, it was literally being promoted world-wide as a cure-all. And Mina was right, it would be legalized soon. People were furious it hadn't been already.

She read for two hours and decided, placing the law aside, there was nothing wrong with what Mina was doing. There was a special name for people like Theo and her - Green Fairies; they were helping people.

By eight am Sunday morning she was more than ready to knock on her door. She wanted her back, she wanted Mina to know she hadn't made a mistake trusting her.

She texted: I want to talk to u. Can I come up?

Mina: Yah.

Mina was awake. Of course Mina was awake.

"Morning," she said brightly when she opened the door for Annalise.

"I've been avoiding you," Annalise blurted. She had to get it out before she lost her nerve.

Mina held the door open and let it slam shut behind her. She didn't speak again until she'd returned to the kitchen and stood by the counter with glass of juice.

"I noticed." She sipped the orange liquid and looked at Annalise guardedly.

"Do you make money from the oil?"

Always mindful, Mina was nonplussed by the question.

"Not a lot. If it were up to me we wouldn't charge at all but I'm a little fish. And people are so happy to get it, you have no idea."

"I've just been reading about it."

"It doesn't get you high or anything."

"I know. How did you get into it?"

"The CBD thing started with Theo I guess. He's epileptic but since he's been using the oil his seizures have more than halved. That's a big deal. It keeps me off antidepressants too."

"How much do you take?"

"Five drops once a day, it's all you need."

"Do you have clients with cancer?"

"Quite a few." She frowned attentively over her glass. "Must be weird for you, to see how the other half live."

"It's just..." Annalise let out a deep exhale. "It's so easy for you, you've been here a while. And yeah, it is weird. It takes some adjustment."

"I suppose I was exposed to drugs young, even my own mother grew cannabis. It hasn't been an easy ride, not by any means."

"Is it just the oil you sell?" she asked and Mina nodded.

"I take some smoke for personal use, the rest is out of my hands. I've been done for cultivation before but never cultivation for supply. I can't afford another serious conviction on my record. The others understand that."

"Thank you. For being honest with me. You didn't flinch and that was awesome. I got a little freaked out but it's not that big a deal."

"Don't worry about it." She smiled. "You won't have to get too used to it anyway. Unlike some, you'll get out of here soon. You're going on to better things."

"How can you be sure?"

"Well. Because you're white, all good things come to white people," she said with a shrug and Annalise stared at her.

She didn't keep a straight face for long, she broke out in laughter.

"Your sense of humour is artlessly inappropriate." Annalise swallowed a giggle.

"My sofa reels them in and my sense of humour drives them away."

"I wanted to come up last night, I was just worried. You forgive me for avoiding you for two days?"

"Since I don't think you did anything wrong, there's nothing to forgive."

"There is! You've been so good to me, and I...really like you."

"There's no need to get mushy," she said with a pout. "I'm telling you it's fine. Thanks for apologising, you're very sweet."

Annalise stared at her. _She doesn't get it. She didn't hear it. I must have said it wrong._ Her courage failed her.

"You're welcome." She looked Mina up and down. "You're dressed for a run."

"Are you coming?"

So easily Mina could absorb her back into her routine. Annalise tried to ignore the building excitement in her belly and checked her watch.

"I have to get changed. Fifteen minutes, downstairs?"

"Fifteen."

And so their friendship survived, the incident only strengthened it in Annalise's view and, though she wasn't aware of it, Mina felt the same.

Mina had a habit of testing people early in acquaintances, part of the reason she had so few she supposed. She could have listened to Theo and kept her mouth shut about their oil. The problem was she liked Annalise, and she thought Annalise liked her back. She was certain she could trust her not to gossip or report it; she was uncertain whether Annalise would want to be around her once she knew. She just wanted to be honest, to make it her choice whether she should accept Mina's truths.

The two days Annalise avoided her had hurt, so when she got the text that morning, relief engulfed her. The apology was saccharine, Annalise was a strong person, and adaptable. She'd cleared an obstruction and for that, Mina was proud of her new friend.

Their schedules realigned, they ran in the morning and often spent time together in the evening. Mina made it clear the couch was always available if Annalise was afraid in 29 or if the music bothered her.

"I may be developing romantic feelings for your sofa," she commented the Sunday morning that marked the end of her sixth week on the Block. She'd spent the noisy night at 17 and they sat drinking coffee before their run, Annalise doodling in her sketchbook. "Friends with benefits is always a dodgy idea."

"Certainly it will cheat on you, it's been with many, many people."

"I'm sleeping with a floozy."

"I warned you about wearing your heart on your sleeve."

"You did." She put another sugar in her coffee and stirred. "This silverware is immaculate," she said, studying the teaspoon with a frown. "Did you steal it?"

"Pilfered from my parents' house." She redirected and pointed to the page in front of Annalise. "You're a really good artist, maybe you should take a class, look into doing something with your creativity."

Annalise shut the pad and put her pencil down. She clammed up every time Mina said something like this. Not out of embarrassment or fear but the mere fact that she had never been told such things before. She didn't even take art at school, thought it was a dud subject for the girls who wanted to avoid study. She loved to draw but turning it into something serious was far-fetched; her scribbles were to aide with the healing process above all.

Just the same, she did love her for saying it.

"It's weird thinking about the future now. So many possibilities. It used to be filled with family, childbirth and babies. I can't believe how deranged I was, making those plans."

"Did _you_ want the babies?"

"I've thought about that. I wanted them for the wrong reasons - to shut Lyle up. I'm not anti-baby or anything, I just rushed into it with the wrong person."

"You should be careful of that, if it happened once, it could happen again," Mina said, her tone more serious than usual.

There was subtext to those words if she had any idea how Annalise felt about her.

"It's too late, the sofa has me. What about you? You like kids?"

"Children are enchanting in small doses, but I couldn't be a mum. Even if I had the money to raise a kid, I'm far too self-centred, I realised that quite young. Plus, there's the genetic side of it." She ended the sentence at that, frowning.

"You are strikingly self-centred. But you're also generous and kind. Why don't you ever talk about your family? The rare occasion you mention them, you seemed to be close once but aren't now."

"The truth is," she began and Annalise knew she was going to evade, "I think we're pretty well fucked."

"What do you mean?"

"Civilization. The way things are going, I'd estimate we have a decade tops of the status quo before things really start to break down. It's not as if it hasn't started already."

"You're talking about climate change?"

"We are hostile parasites to our own host. Our host planet isn't dying; just updating its immune response. I hope whatever takes over next in the evolutionary line is more respectful."

"Gotcha, you don't want to talk about your family."

"We were talking about the irresponsibility of procreating."

"You're a flagrant manipulator, Mina." Annalise didn't care; she was only doing it to protect herself.

"Flagrant? Heavens. How can you tolerate such a person?"

"Obviously I'm just using you till a better option comes along."

"Cunt."

"I need a simple friend."

"There's a Down Syndrome school on Glenn Road."

"What number?"

"I think I have a touch of the Downs myself. My ma was 45 when she had me."

Annalise leaned forward and rested her chin on her fingers. "Tell me more about your mother."

"Well," she began, staring out the window with a twinkle in her eye, "I first realised I was sexually attracted to her at the age of-"

"Mina!"

She got the giggles then and, as always, it spread to Annalise. She felt like a silly schoolgirl. Except she had never been that silly as a schoolgirl.

On Tuesday afternoon, Mina knocked on her door for the first time. The knock scared her, she peered out the kitchen window covertly to check it wasn't an unwanted visitor.

"Hey," she smiled when she opened the door. "Come in, I'm just having a late lunch. Shouldn't you be at the shelter?" Mina followed her into the kitchen.

"I took the day off, I'm going up north for a couple of nights."

"No." Annalise's shoulders dropped. "Where?"

"Quick trip up to Gisborne with Theo and Cody."

"Why?"

"They asked me," she shrugged. "I have to help with driving and some other stuff."

"Why you?"

"Theo can't drive, he's epileptic."

"Are you doing something illegal?"

She tilted her hand up and down. "But not dangerous. I was going to offer to leave you my keys in case there's trouble. You can hang out at mine, just don't let anyone else in."

"Yes! Can I sleep there?"

"You can use the bed. Try not to do anything _too_ vulgar on it."

"Ah!" She grabbed Mina and hugged her tightly, pulled away with a frown. "You better come back."

"I have a job interview at that blood clinic on Friday, so I'll definitely be back Thursday afternoon/evening-ish."

"You got through to interview stage? Congratulations."

"It's a little early for that," she grinned. "You have one on Thursday too, right?"

"Shit. Yes, three thirty," she winced, nervous at the thought.

"You'll be fine. Think you'll be home by five?"

"Definitely."

"I'll make it so I'm back after, I'll need my keys." She dropped a chain with her flat key and the magnet for the front door into Annalise's hand.

"You trust me now." She accepted the chain happily. "Are you leaving right away?"

"Cody's got the car running. Sorry I couldn't tell you sooner, it's been kind of a spur of the moment thing. I'll have my phone but don't worry if you get a busy signal, I might be in and out of range."

She followed Mina back to the door.

"Be safe," she said.

"You too."

She watched her leave. _I'll miss you._

She did too. She started missing her as soon as the words left Mina's mouth. Her flat felt lonelier; she only lasted an hour before the lure became too strong to resist. Mina had given her free reign of her flat, she didn't need to be down here. She packed a small bag and made her way up to 17.

It was odd being there alone but eased her lonesomeness. She spent the afternoon sketching at the table, the balcony windows allowing more light than her own.

The excitement of being alone in the flat made the pull to snoop hard to repel. She wandered around, rereading her poem-covered walls and titles on the bookshelf.

One spine caught her eye, larger and a blank black, tucked at the end of the bottom shelf. She pulled it from its place, sat at the sofa and knew she'd made a significant find. It was a photo album; in front of her was the history Mina shrank away from discussing. She flicked through it, engrossed and gobsmacked.

What she saw was Mina's past. Mina in a christening gown held by a proud older mother, a tuft of golden hair poking up like a Mohawk. Mina's formal school photos, dressed in uniform between the ages of 5 and 12. Later, there were pictures of her with college friends, some in school uniform; some at parties, clubs, beaches, even rugby matches. She appeared so social, it was a side of her Annalise had never seen.

There were a few empty pages in the middle and Annalise's heart dropped momentarily, but a different set of photos filled the back end of the album.

These were primarily of her family; her parents were in many. She watched as Mina slowly grew from an adorable infant to an intense-looking child, all the while surrounded by who Annalise could only assume were her siblings. Four boys and two girls, all older than Mina, two of them teenagers when she was a baby. Her family wasn't short of money, the house in the background was large and the kids dressed in designer clothing her own parents would never have forked out for her. There was no question they were related, they all had the same colouring and intensity in their gaze. There were photos of winter trips to Queenstown and summer holidays on the Gold Coast; her father and brothers pulling Mina on skis and flotation tires before she looked ready to walk. This was family life on steroids. Annalise was fascinated; where were all these people now? She wanted to meet every one.

Abruptly, the family photos ended and pics began of travels Mina had never spoken about. These were clearly labelled. Mt Fuji. The Golden Temple in Kyoto. The streets of Shanghai, Singapore, Los Angeles, Panama City. Many of these were labelled _'Miki'_ and contained a stunning dark-skinned woman who seemed very close to Mina. The elusive ex-girlfriend?

Mina looked so young, but these hadn't been taken more than four years ago. Her face was plumper, more heavily made-up and much less serious than it was now; her clothing elegant, jewellery expensive.

The album ended and two funeral programmes were slotted into the back pocket. The first dated 2015 for her mother, the second dated 2017 for her father. Annalise stared at the leaflets, she hadn't known they were dead. And so recently. Of course she hadn't known, Mina redirected the conversation every time her family was mentioned. She searched the bookshelf and scanned the rest of the living area for another album or any photo at all and found none.

It was as if her life had stopped at her parents' deaths.

She kept the album out that night and sketched some of Mina's family and the American girlfriend. It didn't work as well with photos, they were still strangers to her. She would have to keep these drawings hidden until she was ready to ask about the album. Pushing would be unwise.

Dressed for sleep in the bedroom that night, she opened the top drawer in her dresser. She was overdoing it with the prying. But maybe just a quick peep.

The top drawer contained socks, paired and lined up painstakingly. She tried the second drawer. It held her underwear and bras, folded and arranged in a fastidious fashion. A combination of dark satin and silks contrasted with neon pinks and purples in cotton. While her outer clothes were frequently faded and old, she clearly replaced her undergarments regularly, they looked spanking new.

Annalise had never folded her underwear, not like this anyway. It wasn't one of Lyle's pet demands either. It was hard to repress an urge to root through them. She shuddered at her own creepiness and slid the drawer shut.

She stood staring at Mina's neatly made bed before she slid into it. The sheets were a medium beige and carried Mina's scent. The mattress soft, it bore no resemblance to Lyle's backbreakers. She buried her head in the pillows, shocked by the ache in her chest. And weirder still between her legs.

She lay on her back, staring at the shadows of wind-blown tree branches refracting on the wall through the window, her mind full of Mina's photos. It was nice to be able to keep the window open, the cool air felt incredible on her face while she snuggled beneath the warmth.

She thought of the moans she heard every morning through the wall at 29. Mina hadn't been with anyone for a while as far as Annalise knew; she probably masturbated in this bed. Right here.

It was reasonably voluntary when she slid her hand inside her pants and rubbed, an irrepressible gasp escaping her throat. It had been over a year since she'd masturbated, so long she couldn't remember it. But she kept Mina's face in her mind, thought about every word, every touch they'd shared. And yes...she was responding, her neglected genitals shrieked with unspent pleasure. So she lay, rubbing gently at first, enjoying the fantasy.

Her thoughts weren't in any way debauched, she didn't even reach the point of getting naked with Mina. She was only kissing those soft lips, feeling that tongue in her mouth, a tentative grope of breast over shirt. It was all quite innocent and yet...seven minutes tops and she came explosively. And wetly. She had to get up and clean herself up.

She climbed back between the sheets ashamed and completely self-satisfied; it didn't take long for sleep to swallow her.

When she woke Wednesday morning, the disparate spot between her legs was pulsing, asking for more. She'd woken a demon and it was hungry.

It brought paranoia with it, like she was broadcasting her lesbian fantasy above her head in hologram. She stuck to her routine, went for an early run, used the shower at 29, and by lunch was scribbling at Mina's table again, relaxed.

Everybody masturbated, it wasn't a federal case. She just needed to change the sheets before Mina's return tomorrow, she couldn't risk leaving her odour on them. She burned as she thought about it and realised, she was planning to repeat the orgasm tonight. If possible. It had been _good_. She'd thought orgasms like that were shackled to her adolescence. She couldn't get through twenty minutes that day without wondering if Mina herself could offer such a sensation. Women were supposed to understand each other.

Lyle had never understood her, never wanted to. Lyle hadn't even liked getting her wet, he thought it was messy. Barely a year into the marriage she found herself drying up just having him near her.

No wonder the inconsiderate bastard couldn't get her pregnant.

She tried to figure out exactly when it was she had ceased to be a normal, functioning human being. Was it a month after the first punch? Two? She traced it back to the moment she met him. He'd looked at her and decided that, yes, here was something he wanted and would get, whatever the cost. He told her everything a starry-eyed traditionalist could want to hear, and she was lost.

It embarrassed her now, how naïve she'd been.

She tried not to dwell on it. She pulled the Spay 'n Wipe from a washhouse shelf and wiped surfaces. It took less than 48 hours for dust to settle in these buildings, she often wondered where it all came from. When she'd asked Mina how she kept her flat so clean she'd confessed dusting every day was required. Annalise liked the idea of her coming home to a dust-free flat.

A heavy, grey filing cabinet sat at one end of the sofa, not far from the table. She wiped its surface, placed the objects back on top and had a nose, none of the drawers were locked. Mina's degree sat in the top drawer. A Bachelors in Biomedical Science from Massey. Annalise shook her head; if a person couldn't find work with such a qualification, what hope was there for her?

What she found in the bottom drawer surprised her almost as much as the photo album.

A stack of stapled papers lay collecting dust, nineteen in all, consisting of only a few pages. Each had an 'Untitled' heading in bold and underneath the words she read were captivating. She was hesitant at first, thinking it might be dirty, erotica or something, since Mina had never mentioned them. But then, the woman didn't disclose personal information easily. It didn't take long to realise they were nothing to be embarrassed about. They were short stories, between four and seven pages each, and about as far from erotica as you could get.

They were to the point, simple, and very emotional. The first she read was an astonishingly vivid depiction of a little girl lying in bed awake, listening to her parents drinking in the room next door. She cried silently, remembering the nasty words she'd received from her classmates all month because her school shoes had holes in them. As she lay, waiting for sleep, every fifteen minutes or so, she heard one of her parents urinate and the chain flush. The toilet breaks were frequent and noisy, her father sounded like a 'racehorse pissing'. The story was so effective Annalise felt what the girl did - crying over bullies while her parents flushed their money and health down the toilet night after night. She had tears in her eyes by the end. This turned out to be the shortest and most tragic.

The longest described an ancient man returning to his small abode after sweeping the area around it. She immediately thought of the man with the broom she herself had drawn. He sat in an arm chair, sipping a cup of tea and reminiscing. It flashed back over three poignant memories from when he was a young man. It was stark and sensitive. Beautiful in its own right.

She read them all, peeling back yet another layer to Mina she'd kept hidden. They were windows into sometimes desolate, sometimes uplifting, _real_ people. She had poured her heart into them.

The evening was already underway when she placed the stapled papers back in the drawer in the correct order and sat at the table doodling carelessly and deep in thought.

The photos were perhaps too personal to confront Mina with until the right moment arose. The stories though - she didn't think Mina would mind talking about those; and she was excited, she couldn't get over how enchanting they were. They showed a sensitivity Annalise had witnessed in her actions, and therefore not fully trusted (though she hadn't admitted it to herself before now). The stories proved her generosity genuine; like cracking open her skull and peering in to see a reflection of Annalise's own sensitivity.

She texted her later that night.

Annalise: R u driving? R u in range? Can u txt for a sec?

Mina: No. Yes. And yes. :-p Everything ok?

Annalise: I've been snooping.

Mina: Of course u have.

Annalise: I've found ur stories...

Mina: Of course u have.

Annalise: Ur not angry with me for snooping?

Mina: I'll kill u slowly! They're just bits and bobs, read them if u want.

Annalise: Already did. Mina, they're beautiful, I had no idea.

Mina: Glad u like.

Annalise: Can we talk about them when u get back?

Mina: I think we should have a lengthy, convoluted debate about them right now.

Annalise: Hardy-ha. I'll see u tomorrow, stay safe.

Mina: Ditto. Don't defecate in my Ugg boots u filthy btch.

Annalise snorted and flopped back on the sofa with a gigantic smile. There would be no defecating in unreasonable places, but that night she crawled between Mina's sheets naked. She wriggled joyfully like a pig in mud. Was she sick?

She wanted to see Mina naked, she knew how good that body would look with her clothes off. Was her pubic hair blonde? No, her eyebrows and lashes were dark, her pubic hair would match that. If she had any. Did she trim, shave, wax? Annalise was certain a 70's bush would be out of the question, she could imagine the laugh she'd get if she actually asked. Maybe she would. Friendly advice, nothing more, they were both women.

She ran her fingers up and down her torso, imagining they were Mina's. She thought of her lips sucking and plucked at her nipples. In her fantasy, Mina moved up to her mouth and kissed her while her hand strayed between her legs. She gasped at the clarity of the chimaera, and in it, grabbed Mina's arm to move it faster.

Her hands on Mina's breasts and tongue in her mouth, the earth moved. She let out a moderately loud ululation at climax and again leaked excessively.

Before she fell asleep she wondered if anyone might have heard her, if maybe she wanted someone to hear her. She rather liked listening to the woman next door in 28, maybe someone rather liked listening to Annalise. _But God, did I cry out Mina's name?_ That might be a cause for concern.

If Mina knew, would she be disgusted? A query which led naturally to the deeper and scarier question; could she reciprocate Annalise's appetite?

She was going to kiss those lips one day, no matter what. If they said goodbye, she'd do it then, surprise her so she couldn't pull away in time. Yes, she would get her kiss.

Chapter 4

She washed, dried and folded Mina's sheets, put a new pale pink set on the bed and attempted to straighten the shipshape flat. She repacked her things and returned them to the sofa in 29 then dressed for her interview in the only smart skirt-suit she had.

A few basic questions, two blushes, one awkward silence and another 'we'll let you know', the interview was over by four. She was turning into Mina, letting it slide off her back. She drove to the grocery store and bought her supplies for the next few days.

She would invite Mina to dinner at 29, a meek recompense for all her kindness. That was what she told herself anyway, but as she strolled around the supermarket, the word 'date' defiantly popped into her head between scandalously carnal phantasms.

She'd spent most of her life assuming she'd freak out if faced with another woman's vagina; now the idea became more and more appealing every time she thought about it. She'd scarcely felt a twitch in her loins for the past year. Now she was in the poorhouse, her life more uncertain than ever, and all she could think about was sex? It had to be a phase.

She pushed the idea of it being anything else away. Mina's love of life notwithstanding, she had made it clear a relationship was off the table for her. Male or female. And yet Annalise did wonder. She would try again to question her about her past, if only to get a sense of what she liked in a person. She didn't even know under what sexuality Mina classified herself.

Added to that, their friendship wasn't remotely equal-opportunity-based.

Now though, she acknowledged it had not begun from pity at all, but a recognition of something similar between them on Mina's part, something she'd kept fairly well hidden. Her sensitivity to her environment, her overwhelming sensitivity.

At 4.45pm, Mina: R u at mine? I'm 2 mins away.

Annalise: Jst leaving supermrkt now.

Mina: Swt. CU in 2.

She practised her breathing exercises in the lot until Cody's boy-racer Mitsubishi Evolution pulled up and she spotted Mina riding shotgun.

"Perfect timing," she declared, climbing out and pulling three hefty bags from the backseat.

"G'day, gorgeous lady," Cody grinned through the wound down window. "How are ya?"

"Good." _Very good_. "Nice trip?"

"Cracking. Rain all up the coast." His eyes lingered too long on her before he twisted his head to Mina. "Pick you up Saturday at seven, 'kay?"

"Seven," Mina called and he pulled from the driveway. "Miss me?" She smiled and raised her brows as she looked Annalise up and down. "Look at you, all dressed up; how'd it go? You know that lad has a mad crush on you?"

"What?"

She wore her Dr Who t-shirt. Annalise loved that shirt. Old and faded, it was white but the stripes were teal-green instead of blue. A colour that drew attention to the eyes suspended above it. It wasn't a tight shirt, but fell over her curves admirably, accentuating the fullness of her breasts, straight shoulders and posture.

Her eyes widened and darted away from Mina.

This is going to take some getting used to, thinking about curves and full breasts.

"Cody," Mina continued, shuffling with a bag and accepting her key's from Annalise. "He talks the hind leg off a donkey, but somehow your name made it into every second sentence he uttered. Love at first sight kind of guy."

"What?" she repeated. _Speak, woman! You're not a simpleton._ "I like Cody, more than Theo anyway. Not that way though, he's too young for me."

"Six years isn't that much difference. Make a nice change, boy's submissive, you could boss Cody about all you wanted. Did you trash my place?"

"Of course. The whole Block was in last night partying."

"I knew I could count on you. Would you help me get these bags up? My arms are useless."

"I do too much for you, Mina," she said, hoisting one of the bags and shaking her head. "So much."

"Because you love me."

"How was the trip? Are you tired?"

"Not at all, a couple of days away feels fantastic."

"Good," she said as Mina unlocked her door. "Would you like to come to 29 for dinner?"

"29?" She set her bags on her living room floor and turned to Annalise with suspicious eyes. "What's going on?"

She maintained eye-contact. "I want to do something nice for you."

"I should be paying you. Dinner at 29 then." Annalise's ribcage creaked under the pressure. "What are we having?"

"Loaded sheet pan nachos. We have things to discuss while I cook so hurry up," she said imperiously.

"You stole someone's spine while I was away. Mummy proud." She slipped her coat around her shoulders and jiggled her keys. "I'm there."

"I slept in your bed," Annalise said, descending the stairs. "But changed and washed the sheets, I tried to clean up but honestly think you might suffer from OCD; have you been tested?"

Mina chuckled. "OCD, PTSD, ADHD, MDD, BPD, DID - what acronym don't I suffer from?"

" _DID_?" Annalise laughed.

"That one was a stretch. Seriously, how did the interview go?"

"I wasn't too nervous but got the negative vibe, it probably won't go anywhere."

"Their loss. And you searched my flat," she shook her head.

"I wouldn't say searched, just opened and closed things. I noticed you have two VR headsets."

"Cast-offs from other people. I don't use them."

"Obviously, but why not?"

"They're only useful for gamers or people who enjoy absurdly fake pornography."

"Is there another kind of pornography?"

"Take one if you think you'll use it," she said with a smirk.

"Ah, nah. I was more interested in the bottom drawer of your filing cabinet."

As they walked the short distance between buildings, Mina saw him before Annalise; her eyes were on Mina and she continued chatting as they approached 29 that twilit Thursday night.

Mina tuned out of Annalise's words and kept her eyes on the tall blond standing at the door to her flat, knocking. Slow and determined, knock; knock; knock. Like he knew she was there and only awaited her to come out of hiding. He turned at the sound of the gravel crunching under their feet and spotted Annalise. Mina's breath caught; it was his expression, his eyes locked, target acquired; she needed no introduction. Any plans they had for the evening lay squashed beneath his calfskin dress shoes.

"...I don't know why you didn't mention them before-" Annalise's sentence cut short when she saw him.

She halted her steps and Mina stayed close, watching for her reaction. The two stared at each other, still metres apart.

"Hi, Ani," he said eventually, his voice deep and gentle. "You look wonderful." He took a step toward her.

A few beats of silence and she said, "How did you find me?"

She still had her voice; it sounded strong, her volume good, she didn't stutter. She spoke through clenched teeth. Mina saw more anger than fear. Pleased, she observed the man in front of them.

"This is what you left me for?" He ignored her question, glancing around at the prefabricated buildings and tattered sofa sitting in 28's yard, his features a tableaux of disgust. "You don't belong here, Ani."

The man was beautiful, with curly locks of flaxen hair tumbling around his ears, a smooth complexion and full, pink lips. He wore a shiny, tailored suit which cost more than Mina would spend in ten years. She could see how someone, anyone, could believe they loved him, could be swayed by the idea of such a man. His eyes betrayed the gentleness in his voice, a light brown, they contained little but spite.

A spoilt child. Mina detested him on sight.

"You shouldn't be here. I don't want you here," Annalise said, her voice flat but clear.

"I came to talk to you. You could be a grown-up for two minutes. Why..." He turned his head impatiently to glance at Mina who moved to his left. "Why are you looking at her? Who is she anyway?"

Annalise gripped her phone tightly at her side.

"If you don't leave, I'll call the police."

She finished the sentence by a narrow margin before his amenable façade dropped away. He moved quickly and in seconds had her pinned against the side of the building, his hand around her neck.

"You can't be civil for five minutes without threatening me?"

His grip wasn't tight, he was in cautionary mode not damage mode. Annalise's salient thought was, _don't look at his eyes, keep your eyes on Mina_. Mina didn't try to come between them, to Annalise's shock she held her phone up and started filming, then put two fingers in her mouth and discharged a piercing whistle. She waved her left arm in beckoning motion at God knew what. Lyle ignored the sound.

"I thought our marriage meant something to you, I thought I meant something to you. But as soon as we hit a rough patch you run away like a baby. After all we've been through." He was moving into damage mode; he was spitting in her face. Annalise shut her eyes and braced herself.

They were closed for only a split second before she heard a woman's voice, "Oi! Mother fucker, get off my neighbour."

The demand tolled rough and menacing.

She felt him shrink away, the hand removed from her neck, and squinted her eyes open. He took a couple of steps back and she remained frozen standing against the wall. She could see them now; two women and two men had egressed from 28 and bore down quickly on Lyle.

They stood in front of him while others gathered in the background, drawn by the scent of drama.

"Sup my little bro?" One of them stepped closer, a huge tattooed Maori in a black singlet; he spoke cheerfully as Lyle's eyes darted back and forth. "You miss your turn off?"

"This is no one's business. I just want to talk to her," Lyle said and pointed at Annalise.

"Do you wanna talk to him?" the first women asked and she shook her head vigorously. "She doesn't wanna talk to you."

"How is this any of your problems?"

"Our problem," the tattooed man informed him, "is we don't like cops here, we take care of shit ourselves. So when pretty boy comes here causing trouble, _we_ take care of it."

"That's my _wife_ ," Lyle hissed and took another step back.

"Yours? Anything else round here you want?" He gestured at the grinning, wrinkled woman behind him. "How about Reta, she's always good for a go. Or you could take me, I bet you got a nice place."

Annalise was shocked to hear a child yell, "Get his suit, Tam! Leave him in his undies."

"Cut off his hair," another suggested. "We could sell it on TradeMe."

Mina had shut the camera off and moved to her side. Annalise looked around at the small crowd. Some were too far away to judge but the faces she could see were all focused on Lyle with the same predatory expression. They'd crawled from their shells, livened by the possibility of seeing a spoiled, rich kid get a serious ass-whooping. Then and there, Annalise loved every one of them.

"Mate," the huge Maori continued, "nothing round here is yours."

"That bitch put me in prison, she's a narc."

He was trying to be clever, appealing to their lawless temperament. It wouldn't work, Annalise knew, he was punching way above his weight here. Quite a few of the bystanders laughed.

"Hard was it?" the younger woman sneered. "A night in the holding cells before you made bail? Tam here spent six years in Rimutaka."

"Deserved every minute of it. Wouldn't mind too much going back either." The tattooed man grinned, cracked a meaty knuckle and took another step closer. "That suit'd look better with some blood stains."

"Alright." Lyle held his hands out and backed away.

He shot his wife the most malicious look Mina had seen on anyone. It said plenty, she could imagine the fear Annalise had borne with startling lucidity.

"I wouldn't say anything else," the younger woman suggested. "Just clear off."

Annalise watched him take a last glance at the gleeful faces surrounding them and caught a hint of that defeated expression she knew so well from his apologies.

"Get the fuck outta here." A final ultimatum shot from the tattooed man.

He backed away then turned on his heel and stalked toward Merton Street where Annalise guessed he had a rental car parked. Lyle wouldn't have driven from Auckland, it would be a waste of his treasured time. He would have flown.

Her heart slammed against her chest as she watched him go, a couple of the younger children flipping him off. Surely he could feel all the eyes drilling into his back; if looks could kill. He almost turned at one point, and she thought his anger and humiliation could motivate stupidity. He thought better of it and disappeared from view. Voices and giggles restarted around her. Mina lay a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" she asked and peered at her neck.

"He didn't hurt me."

Her voice sounded strange, it didn't judder; maybe she was in shock. She couldn't remember the last time she had not trembled before Lyle's rage. She felt her back relax against the concrete wall. She stepped forward, shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. The comforting weight abandoned her shoulder.

"You taking her up to yours?" the younger woman from 28 asked. "Case he comes sniffing round again?"

"Yeah," Mina said and Annalise looked at her. "Unless you want to go to the police?"

"No. Just yours." She turned to the woman from 28, the only spectator left outside now the entertainment had died. "Thank you so much, I don't know what to say."

She waved a brown arm dismissively. "Good times," she threw over her shoulder before vanishing into her kitchen.

Mina took the keys from Annalise's tense grip and let them into 29. She shut and locked the door behind them and stood in front of her, studying Annalise's face intently, waiting for her to speak.

"I can't believe that just happened," she managed. "A rough patch... Our whole marriage was a rough patch."

"Dipshit. Lise, you have bum taste in men."

"I know!" She couldn't help it, she giggled. She was giddy, it must be shock.

"Dinner down here is off. You're comfortable staying at my place tonight?"

"As long as you are."

"I'm not leaving you here. Thursday cartoons tonight."

She followed her into the bedroom and Annalise repacked the bag she'd only brought down a few hours before. She was definitely giddy.

"What was that? That whistle? They came as soon as you did it."

"They were in the kitchen, I was just getting their attention."

"I didn't know you knew them."

"We're part of the same landscape and have been for a while. The woman you just thanked? Her name's Lynda. The older woman is either her mother or grandmother. The big fellas name is Tamati."

"If you hadn't been there...I don't know what might have happened."

"They would have come eventually, once he'd got a few bruises in."

"I've been afraid of them but they helped me."

"You've never rung the cops on them; that puts you in the list of good neighbours."

"It's a weird feeling. Did you tell Lynda about Lyle or something?"

Mina made a face and gave a guilty shrug.

"Sorry, I wasn't randomly spreading your private business. It's just, when people know the basics of your situation, they're going to be on the lookout. 28 is the closest to you, they'd probably hear it through these walls if you were in trouble."

"They would." She paused in her activity and stared. She knew in that moment her feelings were very real; what should have been about Lyle, became about her green-eyed friend. Exclusively. "Thank you, Mina."

"And didn't they enjoy that?" she said with a dazzling smile. "They like putting their police hats on. You provided the amusement of the day, you are officially part of the family."

"I know you're joking but seriously, I love this place right now."

"Uh-oh. You know you're in trouble when you start saying that."

They walked upstairs in silence. She was back in Mina's sweet-smelling 17 again, it was all she wanted - there was a disgraceful pang of appreciation Lyle had showed up when he did.

"You need to relax. You're not cooking," Mina said.

"It was a shock," she confirmed. _Feel free to pamper me_.

"Want to take a shower while dinner's on?"

"Yes, this suit is harsh. I've got way too used to my casuals."

"He was right about one thing though, you do look wonderful."

"Thanks." She smiled bashfully and unzipped her bag to dig for her t-shirt and pyjama bottoms.

It was the first time she'd used Mina's shower. She stood for a long time with hot water slamming against her nape, her tension easing.

Lyle's face. His expression. _That was pure gold._

She sniffed all Mina's products and used her shower cream.

"You know," she said when she emerged towel wrapped around her hair, "you and I are so similar."

"Think so?" Mina stood at the stove, a toothsome tang of grilled chicken permeating the air. "I see us as a bit different."

"Something I've noticed we have in common, preference in scents. You can laugh but it's nothing to sniffle about. There are certain smells I hate and some people wear them. I have yet to encounter a scent in your place or on your person which hasn't delighted me."

"Don't ever stop being weird," Mina laughed, relieved Annalise didn't seem to be worse for wear from the incident.

"Weird is a few rungs up from where I used to be."

"How was it, seeing him again after everything? You didn't feel tempted to go with him?"

"Not at all. I'm still nervous, my heart rate is through the roof, but it might have been for the best, especially since I wasn't hurt. It felt good to tell _him_ to do something for a change."

"You did well. You didn't let your emotions get in the way, you told him clearly and loudly to leave and he didn't. He attacked you, which made him fair game."

" _Minnnaa._ That was so damn cool, seeing the look on his face!"

"Lucky they were so sober, they might have knocked his head off. You'll have to go to the station tomorrow and report it."

"What if they move me?"

"Wouldn't that be best?"

"I don't want to leave," she said quietly. "I'm just getting used to it here."

"You'll have to tell them anyway. They can't move you unless you want to, but they could issue a trespass warrant to make sure he never comes back."

"I don't think that will stop him. Those guys out there will though."

"Just to make it all legal, you know? If he does come here again, he's in trouble."

"I'm really sorry, Mina."

"What for?"

"For bringing trouble here."

"You didn't. Everyone who ends up here is in dire straits, your problems are absorbed. It's our big advantage, isn't it? We have so much less to lose than people on the other side of the fence."

"You're just deft at working an environment to your benefit."

"I should add it to my resume."

"It was the most surreal experience I've ever had. Or probably ever will," she mused. "Lynda. I think she must be the one who enjoys her morning orgasms."

"Pardon?" Mina asked turning to her in amusement.

"Oh. I probably shouldn't gossip about it." She paused to reflect but Mina kept her eyebrows up. "I can hear a woman through the wall in the morning. I don't know if she's with anyone but she seems to have it covered if not. All I can hear are these soft moans."

"Saucy," Mina laughed.

"I quite like it," Annalise admitted boldly. "I like listening, trying to figure out if she's faking."

"Perv."

"Possibly," she smiled. "I shall embrace the life if I am. Tell me more about them."

"28? I don't know a lot, we've never had a deep conversation or anything. Tamati is ex-Nomad. Lynda stabbed him once, I saw them cart her away in handcuffs. He didn't press charges, a week later they were back getting on the piss together again. I wouldn't want to live next to them either."

"You know exactly what to say to make me feel better."

"I'm honest."

"You certainly are."

Mina threw a chicken salad together and they ate watching _South Park_ and _Futurama._ Her intention to ask about the stories frittered from Annalise's memory. The sofa was working its mojo; exhaustion seeped through to her bones.

She was tactfully allowed to fall into silence and asleep, but woke before the night was though to Mina urging her into the bedroom.

"What are we doing?" she asked dozily.

"You take the bed."

She brought a glass of water, placed it on the night stand and made to leave. Annalise reached for her wrist.

"Stay," she said.

"I don't mind the sofa tonight, I'm pretty tired."

"Please? It's a big bed."

She looked down with her penetrating eyes.

"Okay. I'll just get changed."

Annalise woke fully then.

She lay on her back, stomach turning to knots while Mina was in the bathroom. Nothing would happen of course but... She was back in Mina's bed. _With_ her. All night.

She crawled into the left side of the bed, her golden locks shiny in the dim light. She didn't lie close, but faced Annalise, who kept her eyes on the ceiling. At least the darkness hid her flush of excitement. This time last night, right where Mina lay, she had been doing... _Oh no._

"I'll have to call my solicitor tomorrow too," she said quietly.

"Your voice is trembling."

"I'm scared." It was true, she was terrified.

"You're safe. I'll send the clip I got and you can give it your lawyer and take it to the station with you. If he goes back to Auckland, the police there will deliver the warrant."

"When I saw you do it I was horrified, but it was quick thinking."

"Do you want me to come with you? To the station?"

"I can handle it. You've got your hours in the morning. I need to be more like you, self-sufficient."

There was still a tremor to her voice, she could hear it and didn't care. As a result, she felt Mina's hand on her shoulder; it stayed there, warm and archly disruptive.

She was milking Mina's sensitivity teat for all it had and wasn't proud of it; making her believe it was still Lyle she was afraid of. It would be had she spent the night in her own flat, but his faded image was given a short, sharp shove to make room for Mina's pristine one. Having her so close was the most incredible sensation she'd had in years. Possibly ever when she really examined her dismal history of intimacy. And (barring her imagination, whose conjuring's belonged in a soft core porno) it wasn't even sexual.

Her virtuous bed-mate fell asleep first, and once her breathing slowed and Annalise was free to stare at her outline in the darkness as longingly as she wanted, she dropped off too.

She dreamt vividly that night. She dreamt she ascertained why Mina had been here so long, she dreamt Mina had been waiting for her. She dreamt she was sorry she'd taken so long.

She dreamt, _If only I'd known_.

She woke before Mina and watched her peaceful slumber. She slept on her side, locks of messy hair draped over her long-lashed eyes. She was a quiet sleeper. Lyle had snored, she'd had to wear earplugs in bed with him, one of the little things she knew irritated him but he hadn't got around to really having a dig at before she left.

Was that all she was doing? Updating Lyle with a better version. Surely she wasn't that naturally co-dependent. She thought back to the years before she met him and decided not. She'd had a lot of people in and out of her life and barely blinked when one disappeared and another entered. Annalise didn't have attachment issues.

The perilous word began circulating in her head. Love.

It wasn't within her plan to fall in love in such a bleak predicament. Had not even occurred to her as a possibility. The timing was dreadful even without the added surprise of it being a woman. How had this happened?

She would talk to her counsellor about it, ask if it was a common symptom of her situation. Which meant voicing her feelings for Mina out loud to someone else. Likely having to admit she'd never loved Lyle. The thought scared her, which was a good sign. The discussion would put things into perspective.

She pulled herself out of bed after that, dismayed by her own thoughts.

It was seven am. With Mina undisturbed, she took both sets of keys and cautiously went down to check her flat. She changed into her running gear and retrieved some items from the fridge. Eggs, cheese, parsley, and a tomato. Her dinner was a bust, at least she could make breakfast. But not here. She climbed back to 17 and found Mina emerging from the bedroom, yawning.

"Is your place okay?" she asked sleepily.

"Yes. I've got some stuff, can I make breakfast here?"

"Enough for both of us?"

"I can't afford to feed you, Mina. This is for me alone."

"You _are_ turning into me," she muttered and skulked into the bathroom.

"Lise," she began sounding abnormally solemn when an omelette was placed in front of her and Annalise sat down to eat. "What happened last night was bad."

Annalise froze, fork mid-air. _Nothing happened! We only slept in the same bed. Women do it all the time_. She shoved the fork in her mouth and frowned at her plate, waiting.

"If he comes back at the wrong time, he could really hurt you," Mina continued.

Her appetite returned, she chewed and looked up.

"I'll call my solicitor and make a report at the station after our run."

"Are you sure you don't want to move?"

"And change my name again? What for? He found me once, he'll find me again."

"I agree, but you can't stay in 29, it's not protected enough. Officially, you can, but...do you want to take this sofa for the time being?"

"Sorry?" Her ears tingled.

"I'm offering the sofa. The tenancy manager is a good sort, a carer, he'll understand, give us an extra set of keys. I've got wi-fi, I've got a TV, I'm out most of the day, and that fucktard couldn't get in if he knew where you were. It makes sense."

Annalise paused in her chewing.

"Are you asking me to move in with you on the sly?"

"Never. I dislike you too much for that. The sofa told me to ask, it has a crush."

"Really? I thought it was out of my league. What did it say about me? Is it my scent, the shape of my bottom? My submissive personality?"

"I don't speak much Couch. The upshot was, yes, it likes your ass."

She couldn't help it, bowled over by Mina's generosity, she rose and bent down to squeeze her while she ate. Mina returned the squeeze with one arm and they ate a few mouthfuls in silence. Annalise tried to repress the euphoria rushing through her body.

"Will you text me after you've been to the cop-shop? Let me know what they say?" Mina pulled her grocery and chore list toward her and flipped a black pen between her fingers.

"I'm starting to think you care about me."

"Mystifying, isn't it? I have a heart."

"You're a potato tree, Mina."

"I've been called many things, but that's a first. You're so creative."

"Only around you, you're sub par."

"Cheap shot, I'm slow. It's the Downs."

"Of course." Annalise chewed thoughtfully. "Do you think it's a bit racist of us to be friends? We're the only two white women around."

"You're right. You should go. Send Lynda up for coffee."

"Lynda the knife-wielder?"

"Lynda the morning masturbator."

"I missed the show this morning."

"We're friends because we have stuff in common other than our skin colour. Anyway, there are plenty of white women around."

"Pensioners don't count."

"That's ageist. You're one prejudice-plagued bovine."

"Hey. I'm losing weight."

Mina laughed. "You are amusing. Now I can say it - that shirt makes you look fat."

"It's your shirt and your breath smells."

"Bugger. Must be my gingivitis acting up." She touched her fingers to her cheerful, pouting lips. "No matter, at least the herpes is still at bay. Cold sores are a bitch."

"You're revolting." Annalise studied her while she giggled over her grocery list. "Mina..."

"Mm?" She got up to refill her juice glass.

"Erm... Nothing."

It was a busy day, the stress of Lyle's appearance finally started to take a toll on Annalise as she spoke sombrely with two uniformed police officers for over an hour and reported the incident to her solicitor on the phone. It was the way they all treated her, like a delicate china doll. She didn't want to be treated that way, she didn't want to feel that way. She wanted to feel strong, the way she felt around Mina. She tried to tell them it had been fine but the officers' expressions when they looked from the clip on her phone back to her, didn't inspire confidence; they made her feel pathetic.

They're only trying to help, she assured herself. It would be over soon and, despite his concern, a hint of triumph entered her lawyer's voice when he received the video. He hid it well but she could tell he was pleased.

She started dinner when she got back to Mina's flat alone. The domesticity relaxed her and she wasn't about to waste ingredients she could barely afford.

She was expecting Mina to text or ring the doorbell so when she heard a knock, she panicked and quietly observed through the peephole.

"Thank God, it's you," she said when she opened the door.

Mina held up a key ring and jiggled it in front of her. "I could have got in but didn't want to scare you. I rang the manager and went to HNZ, got an extra set. It's been a long day."

"For me too."

"But you got the trespass warrant and protection order?"

"All set," she nodded. "I'm making the nachos."

"Brill. Were you okay moving around today on you own? Technically he could have shown up anywhere. That bloody car."

"I wasn't afraid," she said honestly. She'd been attentive to her surroundings but had other things on her mind. She didn't want to talk about Lyle, she wanted to put it behind her. "The police were really..."

In the brightness of the kitchen she properly took in Mina's appearance. Her breath caught. She wore a gorgeous sica jacket and silf skirt with two inch pumps laced around her ankles. Her hair was pulled back in a bun and silver glinted on her ears. She looked ready for consumption.

Annalise was staring, jaw working thoughtlessly. She could only hope her expression was blank.

"I was fine."

"Hmm," Mina said doubtfully and cricked her neck with a grimace before meeting her eyes again. If Annalise had difficulty with eye-contact before, she was having trouble breaking it now.

"You look good," she said to fill the silence. She blushed immediately. "I mean... Are you going out tonight?"

"Fat chance, I'm exhausted."

"Your clothes... Where have you been?"

"I had a job interview this afternoon."

"That's right, sorry. The one at the organ donor place."

"Blood clinic."

"I'm a retard."

"What's happening with you is much more important. Screw the interview."

"It didn't go well?"

"It was good. I overdressed, I have to get out of these clothes."

She didn't say anything else, just retreated to the bathroom for half an hour while Annalise imagined her 'out of these clothes' and under the steamy water. When she emerged in her usual t-shirt and sweatpants, devoid of make-up, the spell wasn't broken. She looked sexier. Annalise had to keep her eyes on the food.

"Cody's a star when it comes to cars," she said. "He could sort you out with something more practical - cheaper to run, smoother to drive."

"I may take advantage of that eventually. As long as he doesn't see it as encouragement."

"He takes his vehicles so seriously, it's quite funny."

Annalise watched as she pulled a pair of purple and black spotted socks on.

"I think you dress down because you don't like being noticed." The words tumbled out.

"There are a lot of eyes around here I don't want on me. But I'm also poor, so..." She heaved her shoulder bag onto the table and pulled out three thick volumes and her lap top. "I went to the library after the interview, might have found a couple of decent books."

"You spend a lot of time at the library. Are you sneaking out to a secret lover?"

Mina laughed. "If I had a lover, why would I keep it secret?"

Annalise's face heated up again but Mina remained distracted, poring over her books with an air of self-satisfaction. Thank the stars she recognised Annalise did not want to dwell on yesterday's incident.

"Why not just read here? It's more comfortable."

"I have a strategy with books. My nature dictates if I start a book I have to finish it, no matter how terrible it is. So I had to become much more pedantic about the books I start. I collect a few from the shelves that look promising, pull out my computer and check them thoroughly. Ratings, reviews, criticism, commentaries. I have to return most to the shelf and check more. That's why I take so long, I'm a finical hag."

"Ah. And does this strategy work?"

"Yup. In the past six months I've read nothing below 3/5, mostly fours and a few rapturous fives."

"Hmm. Maybe I should start doing it, I read some utter shit on Kindle."

"You're too attached to your e-reader. Books are more aesthetically pleasing."

"You read e-books too."

"Yeah, my strategy doesn't work with those. I check them militantly before I buy but the majority still turn to hogwash as soon as the sample section is over. We're being stiffed on a massive scale. There's nothing like a real book, it's a visceral thing."

"How does it happen though? I get something on a bestseller list, rated four from five by over a hundred readers and the best I can give it is a two. I keep reading because I think there's something wrong with me for not seeing what everyone else does."

"You must just have different standards than the average reader."

"It's depressing. Worse, it's confusing."

"E-books are where reviews come in handy. You can see then whether the person giving the rating is literate or not. In a review, subjectivity should be wrapped in objectivity. If a reviewer writes, _'I didn't like it'_ , their rating of one or two is nullified - the book is probably quite good."

"Do you ever write them?"

"Nah," she smiled, "I can sit up here in my dowdy flat, quietly judging the rest of the world, but I don't consider myself typical enough to openly pick apart writers. If a person has the gumption to write a book, I'm not going to be the one to tell them it's bad. Strictly speaking, I'm a big fat coward."

"Settle down. You're a thin coward." She frowned thoughtfully. "So you just avoid? Perhaps it's the reason all these twos are getting fours."

"Maybe. Certain types of people simply don't rate or review."

"I should start reviewing."

"I'd tread carefully with that," she said and Annalise raised a brow in question. "You're sensitive, like me, if you start tearing down others work - and no doubt you could get quite vicious - but it'll hurt _you_."

She considered. Spooky, how well the woman knew her.

"Mm. It's not my business how people get their jollies. Know thy limits."

"Indeed. What kind of books do you buy?"

"Not the stuff you do. I prefer fiction, ghost stories, apocalypse stories, psychological horrors."

"You like the mind-benders."

"If they're convincing. I didn't get the chance to tell you how much I liked your stories last night."

"You didn't read them all, did you?" she asked, crinkling her nose. "Not exactly brain-bogglers."

"I couldn't stop. They're simple but powerful. The one about the little girl with holes in her shoes brought tears to my eyes. Have you ever thought about sending one in for publication?"

"Lord no, they're therapeutic. If I get lonely, I write a story and I'm not lonely anymore."

"So you do get lonely."

"Everyone does, I suppose. I can be loneliest when I'm surrounded by people."

"I know that feeling. See? We're alike. My sketches are therapy too. But your words, where do they come from?"

"I see people who look interesting and create a story for them." She beckoned Annalise to the window. Below the old man with his broom shuffled along the path between building 7 and 8, bathed in faint light from a streetlamp. "You drew him, I wrote a story for him. Completely fictional of course, but it was inspired by him."

A smile spread across Annalise's face as she watched the man bend to poke a crushed beer can into his rubbish bag.

"I knew straight away it was him when I read it. He should know," she said. "He should know he's been noticed. It doesn't matter that it's made up, I think it would make his day knowing he inspired such a lovely story."

"You want me to go over and hand it to him? I like the idea but the story is too... His life was probably much more interesting. What we should do is show him your sketch, we could put it in his mailbox, so he wouldn't know where it came from."

"Curse you. That is a better idea." Annalise frowned. "But the sketch isn't good enough."

"It's pretty damn good. There's no denying who it is. You could write _Thank You_ at the bottom."

"He must get lonely too. It would make his day, wouldn't it?"

"Would you?"

"I'll think about it."

"No-nad-Lise," she teased.

"Not at all, my testicles are a decent size."

Mina laughed. "I'd love to see that."

Annalise blushed, returned to the stove and changed the subject.

Chapter 5

With all the one-sided sexual tension Annalise didn't know how hard it might get living in such close quarters. After a few days she diagnosed it a moot point; Mina was out too much for it to matter and Annalise kept her own hands and mind busy. She stored a few of her things at 29 but spent very little time there. The lawyers assured her Lyle had been warned and would not be back but she wasn't going to trust them. She liked it better at 17. She restricted her autoeroticism to the shower and her slumber to the sofa. She slept well.

Six months ago she would have balked to consider such a set-up, but she was far from unhappy. They chugged along as easily as ever her first week there, perhaps due in part to the fact that a visitor popped around most evenings - arguably valuable reprieves from their exclusive duo.

She kept reminding herself this was only a temporary situation and vacillated between finding the truth of it a consolation or catastrophe.

The nightly visits were usually Cody or Theo. She met a couple of other men so briefly she couldn't remember their names. Peter? Daniel?

She warmed to Theo with time. He never asked another question about Lyle after their first meeting and stopped looking at her with sorrow.

She witnessed him have a seizure one night her first week there, unexpectedly while he shared Thai takeout with them. A startling scene which Mina handled with efficiency, removing objects around his convulsing limbs and turning him on his side. He was groggy when it passed, and slept on the sofa for half an hour, a normal part of the process, Mina explained.

"He hasn't had a grand mal for ages," she said later. "He has small absence seizures mostly."

Annalise tried to help but she'd never seen an epileptic fit before. He seemed so embarrassed and apologetic; she viewed him in a completely different light afterward. One thing prevented her from opening up categorically to Theo's friendship - she wasn't losing the conviction he was biding his time to be with Mina. Something about the way he looked at her, something about the way they spoke to each other. It worried her. She wouldn't cope well with seeing them get together, just the thought made her eyes water.

Wouldn't it be a cosy foursome; Mina and Theo, Annalise and Cody. It half-flattered, half-nauseated her. How did she even come up with these ideas? It couldn't be Mina's plan, could it? No, she knew Mina better than that. Mina didn't make plans for her, she sometimes doubted Mina thought about her at all.

She could sit in the lounge alone with Annalise, but rarely watched TV; she always had her knees up and her nose in a book. More often than she liked, Annalise had to repeat herself several times to get her attention. How she could concentrate to the point of total engrossment with the television blaring or Annalise clanging dishes in the kitchen and yelling at her was a head-scratcher. She supposed it was a habit she'd learnt being raised in such a large family; a subject Annalise still had not brought up a week into their co-habitation.

She met only one female friend, who visited less frequently but parked up longer - to escape from the three small children at her house, Theo explained.

"If Mina says you're good, you're good," she announced and immediately sparked up a joint upon meeting Annalise.

A foul-mouthed, easy-going woman of at least 45, she had the ill-fitting name of Petunia and didn't seem to mind being called Petty, Petsy, Pet, or Pets. She arrived with Theo one night and instantly monopolised the conversation with Mina; Theo and Annalise left to look on in bewilderment as they interchangeably argued about the environment and gossiped about recent crimes in the area (about which they appeared to have particularly vivid information).

"They're always like this," Theo said loudly to demonstrate the degree to which they'd been locked out. "Complete fucking nutters, both of them."

She sniggered and clinked glasses with him.

"What _are_ they talking about?"

"Catherine Warman."

"Yeah, I recognise the name, I just don't know where from. Who is she?"

"You would have seen it on the news. She was murdered over a year ago and the cops still haven't caught the guys who did it."

"Blimey, that's right. That was here?"

"Her house was on the other side of town. We all knew her. These two hard bitches here like to theorize endlessly about who was involved and why. Catherine was an escort turned meth-dealer and they reckon she was ripping off her supplier. The murder was assassination style."

"Theo, I have to confess, this is all way over my head."

"Good," he grinned. "It's nice to have some company in my lonely corner."

When the point came for their discussions to open to the rest of the room, Annalise developed an effortless rapport and liked Petunia immensely. She was sharp-tongued, tough as nails, and made a point of calling Lyle (whom she diplomatically avoided discussing on any sensitive or practical level with Annalise) every insult she could, every chance she got. Annalise learnt more abusive slander in their occasional conversations than she knew existed. It was patently evident why the two women got along so well, they were unique among a largely male circle. Annalise felt a little envy, but not jealousy - unlike Theo, this woman was an older sister, or even mother figure to Mina; a presence Annalise thought she needed. Petunia had a much younger boyfriend whom, Theo elucidated, she replaced frequently.

What soothed her most about their relationship was that, close as they were, Petunia did not know the side of Mina Annalise had seen. The sensitive side, the side who wrote untitled short stories about strangers when she was lonely and kept them tucked away in a drawer.

It became clear with time, Petunia wasn't only involved in their illicit dealings, but a ringleader.

It was a strange new world Annalise had bumbled into; to be welcomed was no longer a worry but a gift. She didn't ask for details about their Fairy enterprise, only accepted Mina was apt to disappear for a few hours some nights. She didn't push her way into conversations which weren't her business. If she was present and involved, she busied herself drawing the visitors, a habit that, once they knew about, were enlivened by. They all asked to keep at least one of her sketches. A bizarre and warm feeling.

She was offered a toke when they smoked and always waved it away. It was one of the first solid things she discovered in common with Theo; he didn't partake either, said it made him paranoid. Annalise was curious but felt far too green to risk making an idiot of herself; instead she accepted Theo's offer of a glass of wine. She watched the others though, saw no change in Petty or Cody for it. Mina got a little more vocal and dreamy when she smoked. She opened up about her feelings, which, from Annalise's perspective, was nothing short of a miracle.

Annalise visibly relaxed, underneath her feelings for Mina simmered and showed no sign of burning out. In public she noticed other women, studied them. She'd always done this, it was typical of females, wasn't it - to compare. But she wasn't comparing them to herself, the comparison was to Mina. And they fell short every time.

Men, she barely paid attention to.

The Sunday that ended her first week staying on the sofa, she grabbed an opportunity to penetrate Mina's shields. They were alone, with the TV muted and no prospect of visitors. With a freshly broken fingernail, Annalise searched the kitchen for Emory boards.

"I'm sure I've seen some somewhere," she muttered and leered into one of the higher cupboards. "You have an espresso machine, juicer and muffin baker in here."

"I'm well aware of what's in my cupboards, Lise."

Though she had her nose in a book, Mina was actually attentive that night.

"Emory boards, Mina, do you have any?"

"Third drawer in the bathroom."

"Why don't you use them?" she asked when she returned, attacking the nail.

"I do."

"No, I mean the juicer and espresso machine."

"I don't need them. I'm not a big coffee drinker and instant works for me. There's no room for all that stuff in the kitchen. They came from Theo, he's always bringing shit here I don't need, banging on about improving my standard of living." She made a face. "With an _espresso_? For fucks sake. Use it if you want, just try to put it back out of the way when you're done."

" _Mina_." She exhaled deeply, leaned against the counter and studied the woman reading on the sofa. "I admire how humble you are, I think it's a very rare quality."

"I see a but coming."

"I'm siding with Theo on this one. I think it goes deeper than you say, I think you're afraid of possessions. I think you're afraid of _money_."

She nodded slowly in agreement. "I'm afraid of what money does to us, what it makes us do to each other, to our planet. So many people buying thousand dollar shoes and hundred thousand dollar cars while others are starving and resources are dwindling. It's revolting. I live frugally-"

"Very."

"-and still lie awake at night feeling guilty for the things I have."

"Are you capable of respecting anyone with money?"

"Elon Musk is pretty spectacular."

"People think he's an alien." Annalise gestured to the page open in front of her on her laptop. "Did you see, there were people who paid ten grand for tickets to the semi-final in Japan?"

"Holy Hell," she rolled her eyes and Annalise simpered - she enjoyed winding her up occasionally. "This is what I'm talking about, people paying ten K to watch a rugby game while a few thousand kilometres away Turks are slaughtering Kurdish children in Syria. An act sanctioned by the American president. Christ, as if they haven't been through enough."

"A Buddhist would make her peace with the cycle of destruction and creation."

"Reading Schopenhauer doesn't make me a Buddhist."

"Bollocks. I've never met a more Buddhistic person. Is that a word...Buddhistic."

"Don't tell me you don't agree." She giggled suddenly. "Ten grand for the semi-final that we lost!"

"It does seem ridiculous from here. They must be furious, but that's gambling. I can see why you'd laugh but not totally why you're aggro. It's not _your_ loss."

"One needs to have a bitch sometimes. Where do you suppose that money went? Certainly not to the people who need it. My point was, doctors are pushing pills down our throats because we suffer anxiety. Look at the shitty world we live in, of course we suffer anxiety. Those people will go away and take their antidepressants and wonder why they need to, all the while targeting the symptom not the cause. I've spoken to people in Tokyo who're prescribed zolpidem and Rohypnol, which is still readily available there, on top of two other weak anxiolytics and a muscle relaxant. They're all so heavily medicated because it's the only way to keep the human machine chugging. It's no big surprise that when..."

She was going off on one of her oratories. Annalise always ended up being more of a prop than a participant in these tirades.

She couldn't waive muttering, "Can I sit on your face?" under her breath.

"...What?"

Ooopps. Nah, she didn't hear it.

"I'm glad you have a joint now and then. Mellow vacation. God, Mina," she said and shook her head to hide her embarrassment.

That seemed to mollify her, she flopped her neck back against the cushions.

"Yes," she sighed. "Music and smoke. That's sorting it."

Annalise stared from the kitchen as she ran the board over her engagement finger. Mina was more than a little loquacious. She pressed her lips together guiltily, realising she wanted to take advantage of it. She really wanted to.

She tested the water with, "Do you mind me asking, what was your fraud conviction? What exactly was the crime? Were you stealing from somewhere?"

"Nah, the charge was forgery of official documents," she answered straight away.

"Damn, what documents?"

She tilted her head with a grimace but spoke.

"Prescriptions. I was heavily dependent on sedatives before I was twenty five. I'd been doing it for two years by the time they caught me, so my punishment wasn't as bad as it could've been."

"What was the punishment?"

"One year probation and intensive supervision. I got placed with an addictions clinician and withdrew permanently from the pills that year. Except for how it interferes with my job prospects, it was for the best."

"How did you get hooked on them in the first place?"

"A few doctors who were enthusiastic with their script pads. I was a troubled lass. After I'd been on them for years, I had doctors who overprescribed being replaced by doctors who were much more wary of doling out addictive meds long-term. They refused me, tried to put me on tricyclic antidepressants as a sleep aide. Antidepressants!" she stressed, sounding wild. "I had to look elsewhere, I could get some black-market but they cost too much. I started forging. It still shocks me I got away with it for so long."

"Did the alcohol go with that?"

"Yes. I clicked early that a few drinks could double the effect of the pills. It mushroomed. I was weak."

"Yeah, me too," Annalise said quietly and saw Mina's eyes narrow at her over her book.

"Yeah," she said. "Not anymore though, right?"

"Can I just ask you a couple more questions?"

"Shoot."

She edged around the counter, pulled the album from the bookshelf and perched on the other side of the sofa. She sat with it beneath her hands and looked at the woman who had become so important to her.

Mina didn't need words to go with the action, she sighed, dog-eared her book and moved to the seat next to Annalise.

"You found the album," she said with a smile. The saddest smile Annalise had seen on her.

"You had a family, relationships, money. You had quite the life."

"I have quite the life now."

Annalise opened the heavy book to a page with Mina and three friends, taken on a beach.

"You look so happy."

"I wasn't. I was a drunk, cheat and compulsive liar. It was awful, trying to live up to everyone's expectations. I burnt out. It was either that or death, I'm free now."

Annalise studied her, so close and staring at the photo without expression. Her words were solid, pure, like the walls she'd built around herself.

"Did you... Did it happen when your father died?"

"The process was well underway by then. It's awful to say but, sad as Dad's death was, I was still grieving for Ma. I was heart-broken, there wasn't much left for Dad."

Annalise flicked to a page with Mina as a baby, surrounded by her older duplicates.

"Are these all your siblings?"

"Yeah," she smiled. A sweet, shy little smile this time, and began pointing to each. "Oldest to youngest, that's Vincent, Sigrid, Sullivan, Vaughn, Reid, Frankie, and me. Look at that expression, you just know I'm dropping one in my Huggies when it was taken."

She was switching to comedy mode. Not yet, Annalise thought.

"You look really close."

"We were. We all had our roles. I was supposed to be the smart one, but I turned out defective."

"Did they disapprove of your girlfriend? Or was it the drugs?"

"Neither." One basic word.

"Mina," she tackled the question dead-on, "it's obvious you don't associate with them anymore and you go out of your way to avoid the subject. I'm asking you what happened."

"Why do you want to know about this stuff?" she asked quietly.

"I'm nosey. And...I care about you. These last few weeks, you've trusted me with so much of yourself, but this part, you keep hidden."

Mina swivelled her neck to peer at the beseeching blue eyes for a moment before she looked back to the book. She turned a page and studied it before she spoke.

"It was strange in that family. There was this us or them mentality, it was like being born into a gang. I never had to worry about bullies, no one fucked with the Toft kids; it was us against the world."

"I used to be jealous of families like yours. You're still evading the question."

"We were so close we didn't realise how toxic we were to each other. When Ma died it became clear she'd been the only glue holding us together. We started turning against ourselves, things surfaced from the past we couldn't forgive each other for. It's hard to put into words how epic the feud between us was."

"Between _all_ of you?" she asked and Mina lowered her chin, the muscle in her jaw clenching.

"One by one each of our relationships fell apart, we're too alike, too much history, too many secrets. I think, between some of us, there is more a feeling of disinterest or fear than actual hatred. But what broke between us is irreparable, trying to fix anything just made it worse. So we stay away from each other."

She relayed with patent certitude. It was over.

"I don't understand."

"Sorry. Secrets. I've never really had to explain this to...someone like you before. Do you mind if I give you the short version?"

"No." To her alarm, Annalise saw tears building in Mina's eyes. She felt her own well up in response. "You don't have to-"

"Vincent committed a horrific crime." Her voice was steadier than Annalise's but monotonous with overextended emotion. Quickly, she related, "He was responsible for a death when he was sixteen. When it came out and the allegations were taken to court, we were divided. The older kids defended him while Frankie, Reid and I wanted him held accountable. In the end, he was convicted. We turned our brother into a murderer."

Annalise looked again at the smiling eyes of the oldest teenager. It was hard to imagine this fresh-faced, sun-bronzed golden boy doing anything but make his parents proud. Looks could be so deceiving. She let her head fall back against the sofa cushion and exhaled.

"Okay. That's bad. But you're still friends with Frankie and Reid?"

"Yeah, nah. I have Frankie's number and send her a text on special occasions. Sometimes I get a reply but it's brief. _'Thanks, been super busy, hope to catch up at Christmas.'_ The catch-up that never comes. I'm not sure what happened with Reid, he lives in Philadelphia. His emails and calls tapered off until eventually I realised I was being ignored. I stopped trying."

"I'm sorry, Mina."

"Don't be. Really." She took the album from Annalise's hands and returned it to its place. "It's better this way, I don't have to be an extension of them anymore."

Annalise was getting a tiny part of a long story, she thought one day she'd might understand but not tonight. She wanted to get a few more answers but swerved away from family, the sadness in Mina's normally so perky temperament was too much.

"I was prescribed a sleeping pill called Imovane for a while."

"Imovane was one of my weaknesses," she said with a nod.

"What was it like, being dependent on them?"

"Counter-productive. I got put on them to relieve anxiety and insomnia but by the time I got caught it was a constant worry where and how I'd get the meds for the next few days. If I was late, I'd start physical withdrawal. I expect it was a little bit like being punched in the face every day by someone you love, except you're doing it to yourself."

"How bad was it?"

"Bad. I was withdrawn slowly in the end, and I wouldn't have been able to do it had they not prepared me for the psychological side as well."

"Mina," she sighed.

She looked at Annalise and said, "You did ask, you must've known you wouldn't like the answers, I've avoided them for long enough."

"I'm not passing judgment," she said poignantly. "You avoid but you don't lie, I like that."

"I'm far flung from pretending to be something I'm not."

"And look at you, the most put together person I've ever met, considering your circumstances. When did you stop dosing?"

"I've been off them for a year now. Alcohol, a little over a year."

Annalise picked at her nail and kept her head lowered, eyes on her hands.

"What happened to your girlfriend?"

"Michaela. I left her in Tampa in '16 when I heard Dad was dying. We haven't spoken since."

"Why not?"

"I broke her heart. Miki knew the version of me that was shit-faced all the time, our relationship was doomed."

"But you were together for three years, didn't you love her?"

"Love isn't really something an addict can be open to. I was in a very serious relationship with my pills, Miki always came second."

"What about now?"

"Now she probably wouldn't recognise me if she saw me."

"No, I mean, are you open to love now?"

"We've covered this topic before, haven't we?" she asked in a tone that suggested the conversation was over, she would start making jokes now.

"You haven't put any other part of your life on hold, why this one in particular?"

"It involves someone else," she shrugged. "I can handle living this way but I'm not going to bring someone else down with me. Have you ever had an addiction before?"

"I'll admit that I was taking a tipple from the wine bottles the last few weeks in Hillsborough. I had to be careful because Lyle kept track of how full they were. I haven't bought a bottle since I've been here. I don't need it."

"Hopefully you don't have the addiction genes some of us do."

"You seem to sleep okay now."

"The runs help a lot, and keeping myself occupied." She met Annalise's eyes evenly. "Now that Lyle knows where you are anyway, do you think you'll be ready to talk to your folks soon?"

"Yeah, soon." She nodded; she'd discussed the subject with her counsellor and it'd been a background concern for a several days. She understood Mina's perspective, having lost her own parents. "What's it like, being with a woman?" She could've smacked herself.

Mina locked her eyes on to Annalise with humour.

"Wanna try it?" she asked and the pounding in Annalise's chest doubled.

"Maybe. Are you offering?"

"Me? No way," Mina laughed and her stomach dropped into her shoes.

"Why not?"

"I won't be a subject for experimentation. I know a lesbian I could set you up with though, she would have no objection to satisfying your curiosity."

"Ick, no..."

"Why ick?"

"You make her sound like a hooker!"

Mina laughed and the topic was put to bed. Truth be told Annalise was floored by the conversation. She'd learnt a lot in a short time. That her brother was responsible for a death was ghastly. But Mina had told the police, Annalise didn't see how it reflected negatively on her.

She had not intended that last bit but the opportunity was too good to pass up. The vital bone she picked from it as she chewed on Mina's words was this; _Mina doesn't want to sleep with me because she doesn't want to be an experiment._

And so, the attraction prevailed. Augmented. She was pitiful, she accepted it.

Two days later, a greater shock came from an unexpected source.

Theo visited Tuesday night while Mina was out. He brought his usual bottle of wine and poured Annalise a glass at the coffee table. She felt jittery, had assumed whatever occupied Mina's time at night was also something Theo would be doing. She wasn't sure if he was setting the night up to hit on her. She'd been out of touch so long.

She stayed rather quiet while he made small-talk.

"You're uneasy with me visiting alone?" he said eventually.

"I'm a little surprised people like coming here so much."

"This is one of the safest places I know. Aren't you getting sick of sleeping on the sofa?"

"It's a comfortable sofa," she answered awkwardly.

"But you'd rather be in the bed."

She frowned at him. "Sorry, I'm not sure-"

"You like her. Like, like," he interrupted and Annalise's eyes widened in dismay.

She'd seen it in Theo's mannerisms, it hadn't occurred to her he might have seen it in hers. Her shoulders slumped when she saw the understanding in his eyes.

"It's okay," he said. "First time having feelings for a woman?"

"First time having feelings like this. How did you know?"

"You're still here," he shrugged. "She's a hard one to crack, isn't she?"

She nodded and stared into her wine-glass askance. This was new terrain.

"She likes you too," he offered after a few moments.

The pounding of her heart tripled. "How do you know?"

"You're still here," he repeated with a smirk.

"What am I going to do?"

"My advice - be direct, _very_ direct."

"She doesn't want a relationship."

"Bit different now she's got herself clean and sober."

"Are you saying I have a chance?" She must be dreaming again.

"She's let you closer than anyone else in years. She probably doesn't fully realise it herself yet, cuz, you know, she's," he twirled his index finger close to his temple and gave a little two-tune whistle, "but yeah, you and her? You'd be good together. _If_ you can display some assertiveness; she won't respond to anything else."

"Mina's the confident one, not me."

"She doesn't see herself the way others see her. Not at all. Have you noticed how often she puts herself down?"

"I have, yes. Should we be talking about her like this?"

"I love Mina," he said with a smile. "Maybe more than she's ever going to love me but she's my absolute best friend. I wish she could be happy like the rest of us, and I've seen hints of it lately. I just wanted you to know, you have my support. It must be lonely for you, being here, not being able to show her how you feel. And with her, you know..." He grinned.

Annalise made the cuckoo whistle and laughed.

"I had no idea you were so sensitive," she commented.

"You've seen me have a seizure."

"What's that got to do with it?"

"You can't put that on people without picking up on their problems too. Mina sees my epilepsy as a good thing," he said affectionately. "She's fond of reminding me I would've turned into an 'anal-retentive conservative' without it. So her."

"How come nothing ever happened between you two?"

"Oh. She's had boyfriends, sure, but she's incapable of feeling romantic about a guy. She's never told me outright but after ten years, I know. You've got the chance I never had."

"Maybe she doesn't have romantic feelings at all."

"Nah, Lise, I can hear it in her voice. She wants you _baaad_ ," he crooned and she gaped.

She felt her skin flame.

"You're more girly than Mina," she noted.

He laughed, leaned forward and lowered his voice.

"Don't tell her I said anything. She thinks I'm a control freak."

"You are a control freak," she agreed readily and he chuckled.

"You've changed too, you've got more confidence than you know. I'm here to impart my wisdom, I understand Mina, her mind-set and her motivation. She checks out more than she used to but I think that'll change with you around to keep her grounded."

"Did you ever meet her family?"

He flicked a nail against his glass and frowned. "Yeah. I knew them."

"What were they like?"

"Her Dad was a stand-up bloke, a real bushman. I had a lot of respect for both her parents. Ma Toft was pathologically maternal, she would have done anything for any one of us."

"You called her Ma Toft?"

"Everyone did, everyone close to the family. She'd adopt you, it's who she was, matriarch to all but enemies. Formidable. If the craziness came from anywhere, it was her."

Her eyes drifted to the section of wall with the Kipling poetry - _'Wakened female of the species, warring, as for spouse and child.'_ Theo noticed.

"Yeah," he said. "I think she likes that poem so much cuz it reminds her of her mum."

"What about her brothers and sisters?"

He caught her eye for a split second before looking back at his wine.

"The kids are hard to explain. Put it this way, the first time I visited, three of her siblings were attacking an old car with axes. That's the kind of behaviour you could expect to see. Shocking when you first meet them, after a while you become desensitized to it and start to love them."

"Maybe it's why she never had a problem with this place."

"Ten to one. Her brothers were intimidating as hell; it's hard to know how to treat people who half scare you, half have you in stitches laughing."

"She reckons she's better off without them."

He nodded. "Saying anything against that whanau feels sacrilegious, but she was fucked up by it. She's a lot more sensible now." He screwed his face up. "I only hope they all are."

"Usually when a matriarch dies, there's someone in line to take her place."

"Mm. It should have been the oldest sister, but she was so wrong for the role. If I disliked any member of the family from the start, it was Sigrid. Most selfish person I've ever met, like a witch, always whispering hateful things in people's ears. Not too smart either, but she put a stop to anyone else stepping up with her jealous rivalry."

"It seems so unnecessary."

He shot her a curious look. "You really care about her, aye?"

"I really care."

"Trust Mina when she says it was for the best. I don't suppose she's told you about her oldest brother?" he asked cagily and she nodded with a grimace.

"I only dug it out of her a couple of days ago, the short version. He was responsible for a death and they got him convicted. I didn't want to prod too much because I've never seen her so sad. I didn't really understand. The dissolution of an entire family cause of a mistake by one of them?"

His large brown eyes rose to hers again; he looked scared as he studied her.

"Okay." He leaned forward and put his glass on the coffee table. "I'm going to tell you but you have to promise never to bring it up with Mina. I'm only doing it because...with what's happening, you should know sooner rather than later."

"Is it about Vincent?"

He pulled his phone from his pocket and swiped at it a few times then held it out to her. The photo on the screen was of a pretty toddler in a white onesie, teetering on her toes while Mina's mother stabilised her from behind with a giant smile. She bore a striking resemblance to the rest of the family, but her eyes were less focussed.

"This is Poppy Toft. Mina keeps this picture in her phone."

"Poppy. _Another_ one?"

"Frankie's twin sister," he nodded. "There were complications during their birth, Frankie got through unscathed but Poppy was starved of oxygen and had a small amount of brain damage. She drowned in their pool not long after this photo was taken. Ma Toft was so heart-broken, she got pregnant with Mina to make up for it. So the story went."

"That's horrible."

He snorted and shook his head.

"He did it. Vincent. He did it on purpose."

Annalise felt the colour drain from her cheeks.

"No. Oh, no." It was a baby.

"It'd always been ruled an accident, a horrible one but still an accident. He would never have revealed his shameful secret while their parents were alive."

"He actually confessed to it?"

"I don't think an outsider could understand the dynamic between those siblings, I certainly didn't. Course I didn't meet Vincent till he was in his late thirties and it didn't come out till her dad was in the ground. He sat Mina down one day and admitted it right to her face. Told her he'd hated Poppy, said he had to listen to her screaming for two years, he couldn't take it anymore. It was bad enough with the rest of them running around. Something to that effect. A person says that, there's only one word for it. He told her he knew what he was doing and apologised. He asked her to understand and he _apologised_."

He wiped at his face. It was hard to see this from Theo, but it would've been worse with Mina.

"He just sat her down and told her..."

"He did it with all of them. Mina was the first, and the first to go to the police."

"Why tell Mina first? Why tell them at all?"

"Guilt. Don't know. They were always close. Maybe cuz she was the only one who hadn't known Poppy and she wouldn't have existed without her death. He expected the most understanding from her but he didn't get it. I don't think any of them knew how to handle it, they were taught to be brutally loyal. That's why he said it, he actually thought they'd let it slide, and with the older kids, it was true."

"But how? She was their sister."

"He was young, he'd changed; yada-yada. Morons. Mina and Frankie were different, their relationship with Vincent ended the second they understood. Reid, the youngest brother, took it harder, he wanted Vincent dead."

"He just told them..." She struggled to imagine.

"He tried to vindicate himself, said Poppy wasn't like the rest of them, she was defective-"

"Defective," Annalise interrupted loudly, captured by the term. "Mina used that same word to describe her place in the family."

"I think ever since the truth came out she's seen herself as a representation or incarnation of Poppy. Maybe it's the only way she can deal with the knowledge that this defenceless baby was held under water till her lungs filled. By placing Poppy inside herself, she's giving her power she never had in her own body."

He kept his chin tucked into his collar and his lashes low as he talked. A sob escaped Annalise's oesophagus and she pulled a tissue from the box on the bookshelf behind her.

"She knows she's not really Poppy," he said warily. "Sorry to lay this on you."

He lapsed into silence for a minute while she recovered.

"It's just so sad, worse than I imagined."

"There were other skeletons, things that came out between her mum and dads deaths. In a family that large... But this is what finally broke them. Maybe now you see more clearly why none of them can stand to be in the same room together."

"An absolute disaster."

"You should have seen her give testimony in court."

"Mina? Were you there?"

"Yeah. She was going through a lot at the time. Grief, withdrawal, legal issues." He shook his head. "Frankie was in tears on the stand and Reid was ropable, ranting about how if this was America he'd get the chair or some shit. But Mina... She got up, answered their questions clearly and honestly, but there was nobody home, she was vacant, it was hard to watch. I never doubted from that day, she's one of those rare people who'll always do the right thing no matter how hard it is."

"Was it the right thing?" she wondered aloud and Theo frowned.

"If a sixteen year old kills a baby with impunity, what kind of man could he become?"

"Point taken. I thought my past was complicated." Her expression pained, she said, "I think I'm in love with her."

"I gathered. Why do you think I'm telling you this? You should have the facts. You can't bring it up with her though, she's more fragile than she seems. I don't want her hurt."

"I wouldn't. I'd never seen tears in her eyes until this."

He slid his phone back in his pocket and lifted his Pinot Noir for a hefty slurp.

"She doesn't have to be here, you know. She's been offered a room by just about everyone, but she likes to stand on her own two feet. That and she's a glutton for punishment - where most people see poverty as a personal failure, she's decided to see wealth as a moral one. Lately she's been talking more about leaving, like she has incentive now. I've been waiting on that for two years."

"Maybe she just wants to get away from me."

"I think she wants to be better for you. When her parents' property is sold, she'll get a lump sum payment." He noticed Annalise's surprise. "She didn't tell you about that? Sometimes I think she forgets, but not lately. It won't be a huge amount cuz there're so many of them, but enough to get her out of here."

Could it be true, she asked herself fiercely. _Could he be right?_

"I think you're wrong about her feelings, but thanks, Theo."

They heard the sound of a key in the door and Theo muttered, "Heads up."

"Hi loves." Mina wandered in with a tired smile.

"Mina..."

"Kia ora."

They both spoke at the same time. Mina glanced at their wine glasses, dropping her bag on the counter.

"Talking about me?"

"No," Annalise shot too quickly.

She rolled her eyes. "You're so predictable, Theo."

"Dependable," he argued. "Someone has to be."

"Least you don't have the album out."

She locked herself in the bathroom, the shower started and Theo smiled sheepishly.

"Too smart for her own good."

" _She_ doesn't know how I feel about her, does she?" Annalise hissed.

"Hard to say with her," he forced a grin, his teeth startlingly white against his skin in the dim light from the kitchenette. "She'll avoid confrontation right up to the end. What about you? What's happening with your divorce?"

"It's just a waiting game at this point," she sighed.

"How's the job search?"

"It's hard to take the rejection sometimes. I just think, if Mina can do it for two years, I can take it for a few months. She's made this part of my life...I'm not sure I have the word for it."

"Love's a good start. I wanted you to understand something just while I have the chance. Mina'll share her strength, willingly, easily, but it saps her. Once you have her strength, you need to replicate it, make it your own, and give it back." He gesticulated as he spoke. "It's the only way if you want to move further with her."

"Very philosophical, I can see how you ended up best friends."

"She needs the people around her to be strong. Do you think you can return her strength?"

"I'm struggling to understand what you're talking about."

"Fibber," he laughed. "See? You've caught her way of avoiding subjects with humour. It's useful to have, but it's not totally yours."

"Alright, alright." She held up a hand. "You got me. I'll try to make it my own and return her Mana."

"Nice. Mana. Even better."

"Mina's right, you're a shocking micro-manager."

"I know. I better go before she comes back out, it's getting late."

"It feels wrong talking about it while she's here. I appreciate your support..."

"But it's not my business and you're both very different from me."

"Well, yeah. But hey, I've met far worse control freaks," she smiled.

"Shits. You're comparing me to your husband?"

"It's a slippery slope."

"That motivates me to change."

"Please don't push me on this? Please don't tell her?"

"Mum's the word." He smiled and zipped his lips.

She got up and gave him a squeeze before he left, it was automatic; she felt a surge of gratitude and affection. He so clearly valued Mina.

"You're quiet," Mina said later, arranged upright but sedentary on the sofa. For once she was book-free and watching the screen. "Theo didn't try anything, did he?"

"I thought the same thing when he showed up," Annalise snorted. She moved from her side of the sofa to beside Mina and snuggled against her shoulder. "It wasn't like that, we talked."

"I don't understand why he always has to involve himself in everyone's affairs."

"He's not a bad sausage. Now I sorta like him, I can tell him to bugger off. I'm just tired."

"Want me to leave you to sleep?"

"I want you to stay here. Right here."

Mina kissed the top of her head and she shut her eyes and drifted.

Chapter 6

Mina didn't hit the hay till after midnight and Annalise lay thinking in the darkness, the sense of her friend awake through the walls pervasive.

She wasn't so interested in meeting her siblings now. Her yearning wasn't sexual that night, it was a desire to offer comfort, solace. That gave her courage. She got up and slipped into the bedroom, pulled the duvet back and swept into the right side of the bed.

Mina lay in foetal position, facing the wall. She started to turn when she felt the advance.

"Please don't move," Annalise whispered and cuddled close fast, stopping her.

She settled back in silence. Annalise rested her chin against her shoulder and felt the tension steadily ease from her body. They were a nice fit.

"He told you, didn't he," Mina said eventually, her voice faint in the thick darkness. "About Poppy."

Annalise's lashes fluttered open. "Yeah, he told me."

Mina sniffed and said, "I'm sorry."

"Sh. Don't you ever say that. You did nothing wrong."

Tears stung Mina's eyes as Annalise stroked the skin of her arm.

She wasn't angry, it was a side to Theo she'd come to accept and he didn't spill secrets easily, not without grave consideration of repercussions. That she couldn't tell Annalise herself was a source of shame and the woman's reaction filled her with wonder. Theo had done her a favour. Who knew what words he'd used to describe the history involved but Annalise was still here; closer now. Unflinchingly, she'd stomached the worst truth Mina had.

She hadn't felt this kind of intimacy, phrenic yet earthly, for a long time. When she fell asleep, it was with a sense of belonging and the pressure of Annalise's touch.

Annalise slept as deeply as Mina. She dreamt she was back at the house in Hillsborough. Lyle screamed at her for drinking wine and waved the empty bottle in her face. She primed herself for a blow, but unexpectedly a woman with long, grey hair appeared in the kitchen and directed three tall, blond boys toward Lyle. They pulled knives from a wooden storage block and began to stab him while the grey-haired witch stood back expressionless and Annalise looked on in stolid silence.

The content of the dream remained vivid when she regained consciousness before seven; vicious content, but easily broken down for analysis. She stayed nestled against Mina for several minutes listening to the birds. Transparently vicious content, but different from a nightmare; there was no fear or trepidation either in the dream or once it flickered away.

Mina slept with the window open too, cool air circulating Annalise's face in opposition to the warmth of the body in front of her. It all felt so utterly right.

Annalise kissed the back of the golden head weightlessly and rose to shower.

She was in love, no shred of doubt remained. She'd held Mina all night, had woken to her scent, to her hand still resting against the silky skin of her arm, to a sense of fulfilment despite the phlegmatic violence of her dream. Her sense of longing returned full throttle. For sure, she was in love.

Mina was quiet through breakfast. She stood and stared out the kitchen window, chomping on a piece of toast. Worried her underhanded conversation with Theo and consequent night of amity, a cautious Annalise couldn't think what ran through Mina's Delphian mind.

"I'm sorry," she said. "If I pushed myself on you last night."

Mina turned to her and smiled, and Annalise knew the brooding wasn't her fault. It was a talent, dispelling fears with a single smile.

"It was nice," she said. "Not the reaction I was expecting but..." Her expression straightened. "I can't talk about it. I'm glad you know, but I just can't."

"I get that. You've got something on your mind though."

She nodded with a frown and wandered to the table to sit.

"You know the interview I had Thursday before last?"

"At the blood clinic, I remember."

"I got a call yesterday. I haven't told anyone yet, I was going to talk to you last night."

"But Theo nosed in and messed it up."

"Sometimes his nosing is useful."

"Are you saying you got it? The job?" This was the last thing Annalise predicted.

"They're going to give me a three week trial."

"That's brilliant! Why don't you look happier?"

"I suppose I'm a bit freaked out. They usually call within twenty four hours to say no, I shrugged it off as an MIA-no. I didn't anticipate this, it's been a long time since I worked the nine to five."

"When do you start?"

"The woman I'm replacing doesn't leave till Friday so I'll be starting Monday. It turns out an ex-girlfriend of Sullivan's works there, she'll be my new boss. I imagine she probably argued pretty hard to give me a chance."

"Do you get on with her?"

"I used to, I just haven't seen her in years. She was like another sister till I was about twenty three."

"Will you be taking peoples blood?"

"Yeah, it's been a while since I gave anyone the jab. Think you'd trust me with a needle?"

"You've got steady hands," Annalise chuckled.

"If the trial goes well, they'll give me a permanent position. I'll be kicked out of this flat."

"So?" Annalise hid the rising panic in her chest. "You get something better. They won't kick you out before the trial is up, will they?"

"No, but I'm going to need to start looking around."

"I've been keeping an eye on flats. You'll be staying in the area, right?"

"Yes. It'd be good to get one within walking distance of town."

I have three weeks to pull it together, Annalise thought fearfully.

"Now I _have_ to get one," she declared and Mina looked thoughtful.

"If it pans out, the tenancy manager shouldn't have any problem with moving you officially into this flat."

"Is that the man with the stick?"

"Dennis, yeah. He should be cool, he knows your situation."

"I don't want you to go. Will we stay friends?"

"No, Lise. I'm superior to you now, we can't be seen together."

"Fuck!"

" _Ohhhh._ Your language has deteriorated badly since we've been hanging out."

"I know! Even my thoughts are disturbing. You're a horrible influence."

"So, my schedule's going to change, I'll have to do my runs at seven thirty."

"I don't care how early you are, I'm still coming. Do you want me to give you a ride to your first day?"

"It's a shorter walk than to the shelter, I'll be fine."

"Alright. But I'm picking you up, I'll shout you dinner to celebrate."

"Maybe wait to see if I don't fuck it up within the first hour first."

"You won't. I'll text you at half four to check." She caught herself and lowered her head. "Sorry. I'm planning your life for you."

"No," Mina said and reached out to lift her chin. "You just offered to do a really nice thing. And yes, we'll have dinner. Why not? Even if it's a stink day, it'll still be the first honest one I've had in years."

Annalise's emotions became awry during her time alone that morning; one second she was exhilarated over how things were going and utter belief in Theo's words, the next she'd be chewing her nails worrying she'd end up in this flat solo and Mina would drift away. Without ever having got her kiss.

The way she'd begun to think, even before Theo's meddling, didn't involve leaving here without Mina. It certainly didn't involve staying without her. She saw the woman in her future at every turn.

_Be direct. Very direct_ - the words echoed in her head.

She had a long conversation with her solicitor. She took her vexation out on the good-natured man, who sounded tongue-tied by her new standpoint. She didn't care, all she thought was, _why is this taking so long?_ She scoured the papers and employment sites obsessively for anything she might have missed and emailed three applications for jobs she was hardly qualified for.

At heart she knew it wasn't a money issue. The issue was their friendship, which was no longer enough.

"Ahhh!" she wailed in frustration to the empty flat several times that hot-blooded Wednesday and eventually took a long walk around town to shake it away.

Her deliberations kept straying to the poetry on Mina's wall and by late afternoon she knew what the message was - it was time to talk to her parents, she'd put it off long enough.

At four, she stood at the kitchen window fiddling with her phone.

Mina's kitchen looked down on the stretch of lawn between the two main buildings. Wild ducks would settle there and wait for rogue slices of bread to be thrown out windows. They seemed to have developed an illicit understanding with the cats, who she saw stalking smaller birds but gave the ducks a broad circumference.

Annalise wasn't able to distract herself with ducks today.

She dialled the home number that had been the same since she was a girl. It rang five times.

"Hello, Enfield residence."

Tears assembled post-haste at the sound of the tired voice on the other end.

"Hi, Mum," she said quietly.

_"Anna?"_ The weary voice livened.

"Yes. It's me. I'm sorry it's taken so long."

"Anna, darling! We've been so worried about you, that man has been here asking. Where are you?"

"I'm in Wellington, I came here to get away from him but he found me anyway."

"Fff..."

Her eyes widened at the sound, she'd never heard her mother swear before. She didn't finish, cut it off and there was a moment of silence before a choked reply.

_"Are you alright? Are you safe?"_ She was crying.

"Oh, Mum." Annalise didn't try to stop the sobbing. "I'm so sorry. For everything."

"Did he hit you?"

"I'm divorcing him, Mum. I've wanted to call you so much but... How are you both?"

_"We've muddled through, love. Your father's at work, I'll call him straight after this to let him know. But Anna,_ are _you safe?"_

"Yes. I'm living in a public housing block temporarily while I look for work." She heard a shadowy sound at the other end. "But it's okay," she added. "When Lyle showed up, he...they sent him packing. I'm safe, Mum, safer than I've been in years."

She didn't want to get into the extent of Lyle's abuse, not now. She was already in a state of verklempt and it would only hurt her mother.

"When can we see you? I can come down straight away."

"You still want us to be a family, after everything?"

_"Anna! You're our daughter."_ Her tone hardened. _"How could you think anything else?"_

"I haven't spoken to you for four years."

"You were under the influence of a nasty husband, we do not and never will blame you. We want you to keep contact with us, even if you're not here. Understand?"

"I understand. I love you both so much, I swear to God I will never... I've missed you."

"Honey, I've waited a long time to hear you say that, we've missed you terribly. Is this your mobile number? Can we use it, can we call tonight when your Dad's home? He'll be eager to talk to you."

"I'd like that, but there's no need for you to come down. I'll get up to visit somehow."

_"Okay,"_ she agreed, her tone a mix of hope and disappointment. _"As long as you're safe."_

"I am. I've met some interesting people here."

_"Interesting?"_ her mother laughed. _"Interesting was never your arena."_

"I suppose I've changed a bit," she admitted with a smile.

"I should hope so! Lovey, it's wonderful to hear your voice. You do sound well, you were always so...hesitant."

"You mean candy-assed."

_"Gracious...you_ have _changed,"_ she chuckled through her tears.

Mina didn't get home till late and Annalise spoke about the conversations. Her eyes felt perpetually swollen, but Mina wrapped her arms around her and let her sully the shoulder of her shirt.

"I'm not upset," she tried to explain her state. "I'm happy."

"The tears'll dry up eventually."

It rained the next day, large, thick drops blowing in with a cool wind from the south. They skipped their morning exercise, which didn't bode well for the day. Hyperactive Annalise called her solicitor again, to fill in time before her Thursday counselling appointment.

Mina, parked on the sofa with her legs up and finger in her mouth, showed no sign of either paying attention to Annalise or leaving the flat.

The rain continued to pelt down.

"You're not going to the shelter today?" she asked and receiving no response, "Mina!"

"Sorry?" she glanced up momentarily.

"I can give you a ride, if you don't want to walk in the rain."

"It's the school holidays. There's plenty of kids there for work experience, they don't need me."

"Did you tell them you won't be back next week?"

"I told the manager. She gave me that box of cat food to say thanks."

"Ah, that's where it came from," she muttered.

Mina nodded absently and glued her eyes back to her page. Perhaps now was the right time, Annalise thought apprehensively. Frankly she didn't know how long she could last without doing something, saying something; her brain felt ready to implode.

She checked her watch; half past nine. She would have to leave soon, she'd be antsy at her appointment, but maybe it'd calm her down. She'd lain awake most of the night, back on the sofa and wishing she was in the bedroom, her nerves were frayed.

She paced. She went to the bathroom to check her make-up, ran her fingers through her hair; went back to the balcony windows to stare out. Paced again. Mina stayed where she was, only her eyes moving from side to side. How could she not see the state Annalise was in?

Mina was aware of her nervous pacing, she thought it had to do with her parents, her solicitor. She'd heard her screech at him on the phone earlier and tried not to eavesdrop. She surmised Annalise might want her out of the flat, but it wasn't that kind of day. If she needed Mina, she would ask. Until then, she would keep her brain on her book. She was in an Alaskan winter, driving a sixteen tonne haulage truck through a blizzard of never-ending night and frozen tundra.

Annalise mumbled as she fluttered about.

"I think we should talk," she said, knowing she wasn't speaking loud enough. She kept going, she had to say it out loud whether Mina heard or not. "It was nice the other night...more than nice. It's not enough, Mina, I want more. I want everything. I want to..." _Do filthy things to you._ She glanced at the oblivious woman on the sofa, irritated suddenly. Impatient suddenly.

She stalked over, put a knee on the couch directly in front of her and leaned close.

"You're not listening!" She could imagine the annoyance in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Mina stammered. "Do you want me to leave?"

Her eyes were huge as Annalise looked into them. What a question!

"No, I don't want you to leave. What do I have to do to get through to you?"

Mina looked scared and confused. And so kissable.

"I want to kiss you," Annalise whispered and was moving forward before the words were finished.

It was done in impatience and an effort to prove something. She didn't know exactly what until their mouths met.

The tightrope inside her chest snapped at the touch and Mina didn't pull away. What Annalise intended as a brief peck, became a revelation, and for a heavenly moment their lips clung to each other. Almost open. Almost enough.

When she pulled back to check Mina's face, the confusion was gone and her own frustration forgotten.

Mina straightened her legs over the side of the sofa; she was looking at Annalise now, she was paying attention now. The kiss got through to her; she was staring at Annalise's lips, she was licking her own. Her eyes reflected what Annalise felt - desire.

It was a beautiful moment, suspended in time. Annalise stretched forward again, her path clearer now Mina had moved her limbs. It was mutual, Mina met her half-way and their mouths moved with bilateral need, tongues seeking each other out.

An audible whine escaped Annalise's throat and she heard Mina's book fall to the floor. She placed a hand on the defined line of her jaw as they kissed, tentatively at first, exploring.

Annalise's body coursed with electricity but there was no aggression here. She felt Mina's fingers on her neck, in her hair, soft, teasing. She felt weak, if she were standing she would surely not be able to hold herself up. She slid her hands around Mina's waist, weakening herself further.

A narrow waist, a woman's waist. Her kiss was gentle, a woman's kiss. Her skin. Her taste. Annalise was intoxicated. She finally knew what it was to receive a kiss that made her tremble.

The impulse to get beneath the shirt was steely, overwhelming, she'd never experienced it even in her fantasies. She needed time to think, time to stop this, while she still could.

She needed to breathe.

She pulled away and knelt on the cushion, gulping for air and staring at Mina's eyes. Mina stared back, the flush on her cheeks matching how Annalise knew she must look. So tantalising. _No..._

"I just..." she mumbled and it came out barely audible. She got to her wobbly feet. "I have to...the car, my appointment...and be back later."

Mina watched her scuttle from the flat in a dither, hair mussed from their tussle and her cheeks pink.

Whoa, she thought. _Whoa, whoa, whoa_. She frowned, inhaled deeply, leaned back and picked up her book.

Annalise slammed the door of the Volvo, leaned her head against the steering wheel. She was wet, and not just from the rain; she could feel it. She forcibly slowed her breathing and started the engine. She was going to be late. Mina would keep. Oh my fucking God, she thought chaotically, trying to concentrate on the road.

Mina wants me too. She does. That can't have been an illusion.

She stopped off at the toilet before raving freely to her counsellor. The unfortunate woman listened, able to squeeze only a word or two in at intervals. Getting her feelings out brought Annalise some peace, then subsequently created a new problem when, at the end of the session, Pania asked what she was planning to do when she got back.

A simple enough question, and one that had her stumped.

She'd bee-lined from the flat like a ninny and hadn't received any word from Mina when she climbed back behind the wheel. She bought a packet of chicken cranberry sandwiches for lunch and went for a drive to straighten her thoughts. She headed north towards Masterton, parked at the lookout point at the top of Rimutaka Hill Road and watched the rain smash against the windshield. The area was deserted and she'd passed few cars. The hills sloping away on all sides were layered with rolling mist; it was beautiful despite the crummy weather.

She sat for an hour with the radio on softly, stewing over whether and what to text Mina. Maybe she should just go back, face the music. What was she so afraid of?

Her phone rang and she jumped.

Bugger, she thought with regret when she saw it was her solicitor.

But the conversation did wonders for her condition; a gift at precisely the right moment, she knew now what she had to say to Mina. She just needed to put the words in the correct order. She turned the engine on for a few minutes to keep the battery alive and sat for another hour after he rang off, calmer, articulating her feelings, murmuring to herself.

Her phone beeped.

Mina: R u coming back 4 dinner, or should I assume u've done a permanent runner?

Her face coloured. It was after three. She was coming back, of course she was. She still felt the ghost of Mina's lips against hers. She was scared but that was normal. Mostly, she wanted more. Needed it.

Annalise: Coming back. I have news, I'll pick us up Chinese. OK?

Mina: K :-)

She felt warm all over. It was the smile emoji that did it, made everything better. Mina wasn't upset, she'd broken the ice. She put the car in reverse, backed out of the gravel parking area and drove carefully down the steep, winding road toward town.

It was five when she paused in front of the door to take a deep breath. One of those moments when she wished she knew a prayer or three. But she had suppression in her arsenal, so she pushed her fears away and unlocked the door.

She took off her coat in the entranceway and hung it on a hook. Mina's speaker system hummed softly, and when she took the corner into the living area, she sat at the table in front of her laptop. She turned and smiled.

"You're here."

"I'm here." Annalise put her bags on the counter. "Are we expecting anyone tonight? I bought plenty."

Calvin Harris's _Outside_ played; it was a song Annalise liked and her nerves would be more obvious without the background sound. She opened a box and stared at it. Putting anything in her mouth was suddenly an unappealing idea.

Mina rose from the table and joined her; she didn't take her eyes from the food.

"It's not the enemy, Lise," she said with a laugh and opened a cupboard. "You didn't need to do this, and so much." With no compunctions of her own she reached past Annalise's view and popped a piece of sweet n sour pork into her mouth. "Not sure about visitors, I hope not."

Annalise failed to overlook the implication; her pulse quickened.

"That's the thing about Chinese, it makes awesome leftovers," she said in avoidance.

"True, true. Have you had as weird a day as I have?" She set two plates on the counter and opened the cutlery drawer. She was making it so painless, with her casual tone, with her harmony.

Annalise turned to watch her dish out the plates. She looked good enough to eat, Annalise didn't want the food. It served only one purpose; diversion.

"Weird and good," she said. "Great, really."

"Yeah?" Mina caught her eye for a moment before turning back to the boxes. "How was your appointment?"

"Pacifying. I think Pania is a good person."

"She'd have to be, with a job like that."

"Plainly," she chuckled. "I sometimes feel sorry for her when I'm venting."

"Mm. I know that feeling. You said you have news?"

"Yeah. Come sit so we can talk." She carried her plate to the table.

Mina cleared her papers and shut her laptop. She avoided eye contact, perhaps she could see how awkward Annalise felt. She used her chopsticks expertly, Annalise watched with a smile. She began to calm as Mina waited for her to speak.

"Lyle's lawyer has made an offer to settle without a hearing," she said and Mina's expression lifted.

"Spousal maintenance? What changed his mind?"

"It'll be a round figure. The threat of going to prison if I really sunk my teeth into him, I guess."

"How much?"

"Two hundred and fifty thousand. I accepted, I want this to be over."

Mina nodded slowly. She looked like she was going to get up and hug Annalise but backed out and offered a sweet smile of approval instead. She was pleased, Annalise breathed easy.

"Congratulations," she said. "It'll give you a good start for the next part of your life. _Your_ life."

"You don't think I should have taken this all the way?"

She tilted her head in thought as she ate.

"No, you've been through enough. Fuck it, he's stacked up a domestic violence conviction, lost quarter of a million dollars and his wife. He might think twice about repeating his behaviour."

"Thanks, Mina," she exhaled deeply. "He'll be having a good laugh that I didn't fight him on the amount but I no longer care what he thinks or feels."

"What will you do when the money comes through?"

"It doesn't change my plan. Find a job and get a decent flat."

"Sensible."

"I'm staying here." She watched for Mina's reaction.

"You'll always have friends here." Her smile was enigmatic.

"I know. Your bizarre circle made me feel like I belong, you don't know what that's meant."

"You'll do well where ever you go now. You could take a vacation somewhere nice."

"I've been idle long enough, it's time to move on. I'll take a week to go visit my parents then I'm back here. I'm stealing your fucked up friends."

"Theft and profanity, I'm so proud of you," she beamed and Annalise's heart pounded. "Right, that's it, I'm breaking out the frozen raspberries for dessert."

"Have you been writing?" she nodded at the papers. "Were you lonely today?"

"Mm. More frustrated, I had to get it out somehow. You have Pania, I have Winthrop." She stroked her computer sensually.

Annalise laughed. "You named your laptop Winthrop!"

"He's been good to me," she nodded with an appreciative smile.

"How do you know it's a boy?"

"Definitely male. I'd never concentrate on the words if I was fingering a woman that way."

"Shi..." Annalise tittered and lowered her self-conscious face. "May I read it? The new story?"

"When it's finished."

She picked at her food, her appetite simply wasn't up to it. She was sure she was being flirted with and she was leaking again.

Eventually Mina took her plate away and stowed the leftovers in the fridge.

The little fruits went down easier as they sat on the sofa.

They talked around the elephant in the room. Annalise wanted to ask if they could get a place together, wanted to plan, wanted to seek a future, even if it was platonic.

The time wasn't right, and what she needed more, was to feel those lips against hers again. The plump lips that had turned startlingly pink with raspberry juice. They sat on opposite sides of the sofa, a sufficient distance to ease anxiety and offer a decent view.

Why had Mina avoided hugging her? Had she messed everything up?

She didn't think so, she felt like a kid at Christmas, examining a gift from every angle before opening it.

When she returned from a brief bathroom break, Mina had drawn the curtains and turned the music down. Annalise lowered herself onto the sofa and was horrified when an enormous fart sounded and Mina dissolved into laughter.

"You frigging idiot!" She stood and threw the whoopee cushion at her.

Where had she pulled that from? Her cackling was too hard to ignore; almost silent, tears streaming down her cheeks. Annalise shook her head and giggled in unison.

She almost forgot about the tension.

"Your face." Mina recovered, wiping her eyes, fetching the cushion from the floor. "I so needed that."

"You have serious mental health issues."

" _Un_ serious mental health issues," she corrected.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with you?"

"What do you think? If Lyle bothers you again, we have him killed?" she proposed with a straight face.

"Look at that... Dammit Mina, I wouldn't put it past you at all!"

"I'm an observer, a pacifist," she pointed out prudishly.

"People like you die first in a dangerous situation?"

"Spot on."

"Occasionally," Annalise observed wryly, "very occasionally, you say the opposite of what you mean. You'll be booming when everything's lost and everyone else is giving up."

"This isn't about me, it's about Lyle. Sweet, kind, generous Lyle, who has granted your freedom."

"Yes," Annalise reasoned. "Perhaps death might be best."

" _'The best thing is not to be born at all, the second best thing, is to die,'_ " she said then broke into another round of giggles.

"You find Nietzsche funny? You're backward, a true head case."

"You're marvellous."

"You realise I see right through you?"

"Yes. I thought Theo understood, but you're a woman, you get it better."

"Between you and bloody Theo, my mentality's disfigured for life." She rolled her eyes. "You talk complete twaddle sometimes."

"How long shall we ignore the emperor's new clothes?"

The words didn't register in a rush, they were delivered so airily.

"Huh?"

Abruptly Mina rose from her spot and sat down at Annalise's side. Close. Very close, her face wiped of amusement.

"You hit and ran this morning," she said, voice quiet, green eyes luminous.

Annalise's heart rate sped up fast. There's the tension. For once Mina was confronting something head-on? Now? _Right up till the end._

"I know," she whispered. She couldn't be sure the words left her trembling lips at all.

"Do you want me to forget about it?"

A question posed so solemnly, it snapped Annalise out of her paralysis.

"No! No, no, no..."

She rested her fingers lightly on Annalise's knee, sending a shockwave through her. One simple touch.

"Mina..." she breathed.

The fingers stroked perilously against the cotton of her tailored trousers, Annalise shivered, but Mina's eyes didn't break contact.

"You have the smoothest skin," she said.

"I've been thinking about you all day," Annalise forced herself to respond, a tremor in her voice. She kept going anyway. "No, that's not right. I've been thinking about you ever since we met."

"Take off your clothes," Mina said challengingly.

"My..." The gears inside her shifted, the standoff was over. "You first."

She stood, pulled her faded t-shirt over her head and tossed it on the sofa. Annalise's jaw slackened. The slim waist topped by a navy-blue bra restraining milky curves. The flat stomach she'd glimpsed that first night she spent here exposed in all its splendour.

Sweet Jesus. Keep going, keep going.

She stood slowly and unbuttoned her own shirt, her heart slamming so hard in her chest, Mina must be able to see it.

Mina's thirsty sight drank her in when the shirt dropped to the carpet.

"Can I touch you?"

Annalise nodded and Mina moved behind her. She shut her eyes as a hand reached out and pushed the hair from her neck, a fingertip brushed her skin, down the vertebrae of her spine. Electric. Annalise quavered, there was no stopping it. Soft fingers trailed up her right arm, reached her jaw, touched her lips. She opened her eyes and Mina was in front of her again. _Oh God_. Her hands were so soft, her eyes so inviting.

"Do you know how lovely you are?" Mina asked quietly.

Annalise leaned forward and their lips touched featherlike. She deepened the kiss, tongue adventurous. She gripped the bare skin of Mina's waist, hands eager on satiny surface, and pulled her close. To feel the hunger of Mina's kiss match her own; it was twilight zone material. Her chest ached, her groin throbbed and she found herself frenziedly fumbling with Mina's jeans zipper.

She was being pulled into the bedroom, she ceded breathlessly and grappled with the zipper again at the foot of the bed.

"Take them off," she pled in frustration and stared as Mina slid them down and kicked them away. She removed Annalise's own trousers as smoothly, she clearly wasn't having the same difficulty with her hands despite being kissed and groped persistently.

Annalise pushed her down to the bed, shocked at her own forcefulness. For a moment she worried she might hurt her, but Mina wasn't fazed, she dragged Annalise with her, hands everywhere. Her bra came away more easily and Annalise drank her breasts in as she straddled her. She lowered her head, taking a nipple in her mouth and Mina hissed. The sound intensified Annalise's erotic fervour. Her underwear were soiled, the wet material pressed agonisingly against Mina's taut quadriceps. She wanted them gone, she wanted Mina's gone. She wanted to keep sucking, wanted everything at once. Without being able to think, leg-humping didn't feel right.

"I need to get off," she heard herself rasp apologetically. "I need to."

She was well beyond embarrassment. Mina responded, rolling Annalise onto her back and sliding a hand up the inside of her thigh. She pulled her glistening underwear off and looked down in wonder, pink and pleased at how slippery Annalise was.

She couldn't wait and Mina knew it. Mina obliged. They'd delayed long enough.

Annalise let out a ravenous groan when her fingers pushed inside her and began to move, pressing hard against the front wall of her opening.

She nipped Mina's neck, slid a hand over her breast; wrapped fingers around the arm that worked between her legs. Two weeks ago she'd been in precisely this position in her fantasy. The memory turned the volume on her whimpers and she tightened her grip, encouraging the movement.

Sparks shot from every pore of her body. It was so easy for Mina, she wasn't going to last five minutes and when the pressure on her clit amplified, she felt it, rising up, taking consummate hold of her.

"I'm gonna... Mina. I'm..."

It was inevitable, her climax swept through her like none before it.

The cry that fled her throat came from deep inside, she seized Mina so tight she must've hurt her.

She took a few seconds to recover after it subsided, Mina trailing her lips across her breastbone and neck. There was a gigantic smile on her face. Inside, her chest ached with adoration. She did the animalistic thing, pushed Mina onto her back, pinned her arms down and covered her body with her own.

"I didn't know people like you existed," Annalise breathed into her lips.

Their tongues met again, she could do this forever, her hands roved. Found her nipples, found the spot between her legs, a well shorn place; lips swollen and slick. Thick, sweet wetness. She brought it to her mouth.

"We taste the same," she mumbled. "God Mina, we taste the same."

She wanted them to be the same, one, and Mina lifted herself off the mattress so Annalise could dispose of her sticky silk pants. No more than a few minutes and her clit was already pulsing again. Clearer headed, she orientated herself, brought Mina's leg up to her shoulder and kissed the smooth skin of her ankle. There seemed no part of the woman's body that wasn't edible. She'd looked this position up and hadn't been able to wipe it from her mind for days. Mina's green pools watched in adulation.

Mina didn't speak, she didn't need to. _Fuck me_ , her eyes said, and she writhed upward.

Annalise didn't require further advocacy, she pushed her groin into Mina's and quaked from the sensation. It felt so natural.

Mina's eyes leaked from their sides and she made tiny, gorgeous noises as Annalise ground into her. The most appetizing sound she had ever heard, better than any music. She tried to take her time, give Mina everything she deserved, but the noises escalated with her pace and her own, her passion frantic. And when Mina's body went rigid and back rose from the bed in ascendency, a second orgasm tore through her, stronger than the first.

Mina held her after. No words were exchanged, they were communicating with their skins.

Annalise couldn't remember experiencing simultaneous orgasm before. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many sentiments bursting to come out. But she would have time, she knew that now. Physically satiated and emotionally overwhelmed, she fell into a deep sleep, nestled tightly against Mina.

She woke once in the night to see moonlight streaming in through the open window, the clouds glowing silver around it. She had rolled away from Mina at some point. She moved close and spooned her naked body; Mina barely stirred. She almost didn't want to return to sleep, the scene was so astral.

She was alone when she woke next, the patch of mattress in front of her, forlornly empty, the clouds outside gilded with early sunlight. The radio travelled softly from the living area. She rose, brushed her teeth and went to the kitchen. Mina stood at the counter, her back to Annalise. Showered and dressed, she almost radiated light to besotted eyes. She turned suddenly and smiled.

"I'm making French toast." She _was_ emanating light.

Annalise approached, slipped her hands around her waist and kissed her lips tenderly. The hunger was there, persistent, shimmering.

"I could kiss you all day. Did you like being underneath me?"

"Yeah, a lot."

"It suits me too. It was...mmm." No words could describe how she felt.

"I come from fertile stock," Mina said ascetically. "I'm pretty sure you impregnated me last night."

"Thanks for the warning." Annalise backed away and leaned against the counter with a smile.

Mina sneezed twice. Four times. Six.

"Bless you."

"Must be that time of year." She turned to rummage in a drawer and withdrew a small packet. "Time to break out the antihistamines."

"Can we talk serious for a minute? I have something to say, something to ask."

She nodded, swallowed a pill with a slurp of juice and studied Annalise for a few seconds. She looked uncertain, perhaps afraid.

"Hit me."

Annalise moved to a cupboard and poured herself a glass of orange with hyperactive hands.

"I am going to get work and sort myself out," she mumbled.

"I never doubted that for a second, Lise."

"But I don't want to do it without you. It's rash but we get along, can't we find a place together?" She kept her eyes low.

"Is that something you'd want?"

The hope in Mina's voice made Annalise look up, meet the deep, questioning eyes.

"Yes. I'm...a better person with you around. We fit."

She had reverted to halting speech, she was anxious. But the look on Mina's face and the words she spoke were melody to timid ears.

"I was going to ask anyway, I just didn't know what you'd want. I've been trying to put myself in your position, and thought it'd make sense if you wanted to get away, move closer to your parents."

"You'd never let me forget them. You were going to ask me?"

"I'm not okay leaving you in this flat. I wouldn't have made such an effort at that interview if it hadn't been for you. All our talks, me telling you to try. I had to try too."

Annalise felt her eyes going moist. Mina continued.

"I'm just worried, if the job doesn't work out...I don't know. So many things could go-"

"Don't." Annalise stepped closer. "Don't worry. We'll take it one day at a time."

"Okay. But," she grimaced, "well, how do you know this is different than before?"

"You mean with Lyle?" Annalise laughed. "To begin, because you said that."

"Revealed my profound insecurities?"

"Maybe I'm overreaching, but you're not standing there whispering sweet nothings in my ear. You're not standing there lying, telling me everything's going to be milk and honey, we'll make a life; you'll always take care of me."

"I won't take care of you," she said bluntly with a raised brow.

"She says after she takes care of me. That's how it's different. Plus," Annalise smirked, "there's been a beacon shining out your ass for a couple of weeks."

"Ah, damn," she scratched her head with a coy smile. "About that - you've had one too, I didn't want to say anything, thought it might be impolite."

"I know who you are, in here," Annalise chuckled and placed a palm on Mina's chest. "I love who you are in there, it's where you carry your wealth. You've become home to me."

"Yeah?" Caution and expectation splayed her features. "I don't know if I can give you everything you des-"

"You already have," Annalise interrupted. "You already do. I'm not sure you understand, I want to take care of _you_. Shouldn't I be the one who's worried? You knew how I felt, didn't you?"

"I thought, maybe. But you were vulnerable and I had nothing to offer."

"And that's changed. You'll take a gamble on me?"

Mina nodded and Annalise's chest swelled.

"I'll gamble. Big league. You know what you're getting yourself into now."

"Do I ever. Did we just have a two week date before I managed a kiss?"

"Mm, you're right, we're rushing."

"A two week date!"

"It wasn't a date. We are still friends, aren't we?" she regarded Annalise with glowing eyes.

"Hopefully for a very long time. You'd never hurt me and I plan to treat you the same."

The tiny line in Mina's brow disintegrated and one side of her mouth lifted.

"You're a cheap date."

"Smart-aleck. Best date of my life."

Mina gestured toward her laptop screen. "So, you'll come take a look at flats today?"

"Try and stop me. But first, turn that pan off."

"The toast..."

Annalise turned the dial to zero and pulled her close.

"I won't last five minutes without a cuddle first."

"Cuddle?" she laughed. "You're whitewashing."

"Yes, I am."

Annalise kissed her smiling lips. She wasn't at her finest last night, she was gobsmacked and selfish. Cuddle didn't begin to describe what she would attempt with Mina today.

***
Questions and comments email mccallumsasha@gmail.com

Other titles by Sasha McCallum

Bathrooms & Psychiatric Offices

The Reader & the Writer

There Will Be Blood

The Lake

The Arrangement

Daughter of Night

Said the Spider

Oculi

Tinderbox
