On November the 13th, 2014 I stood in this
doorway, rang my mum, and cried inconsolably
for forty-five minutes.
It must have been about 5 o'clock in the afternoon
and I was exhausted.
The next day I submitted my PhD.
Today I want to talk a little bit about the
emotional pressure that submitting the PhD
might trigger in people.
It certainly triggered it in me.
And I didn't really know what to expect, I
didn't know how to feel I didn't know the
amount of grief I would feel submitting the
thesis and I also didn't know what I would
just feel lost.
And I guess it makes a lot of sense.
You live with this project for three, three
and a half, perhaps four years and then all
of a sudden it's completely out of your control.
It's gone, it's in, you don't have anything
do to anymore.
And it's not worth starting, at that point,
to prepare for the viva, because you probably
don't know it is to start with.
And you can get lost in preparing for the
viva as well, if you spend too much time then
that becomes it's own issue.
I'm not going to speak about that, I don't
think I'm really qualified to talk about preparing
for vivas.
I didn't really prepare for mine, and I have
written about and I will link to that article
below.
But, I just kind of wanted to come and say,
very quickly, in a very short little video:
I had no idea what to do with myself.
I felt angry, and disappointed, and I didn't
want to celebrate, I didn't feel like I had
achieved anything.
I felt that there was still, y'know, this
big thing that could come out with nothing.
And you don't know when you submit.
That's the point, it is pre-examination.
So, I do know a lot of people who felt wonderful
when they submitted, they wanted to celebrate,
they were super happy, that's awesome - lots
of people feel like that.
If you don't feel like that it's okay.
If you feel lost, and sad, and angry, and
disappointed, and exhausted, and emotional,
and if you want to sit in a doorway ring your
mother who lives on the other side of the
world and cry for forty-five minutes that's
completely alright.
It's not a failure, it's not a negative, it's
dealing with the shit you have to deal with
as it arises.
So this has just been a very short little
video.
If you haven't, please subscribe, please like
this video, please share with people who might
be submitting soon.
And I'll see you in the next video.
Bye.
