[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> HI.
HELLO.
I'M HARRIS FAULKNER.
AND WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH THE
KAVANAUGH HEARING.
IT'S A SPECIAL COVERAGE WE AT
FOX NEWS ARE CALLING WHOAH-OH.
JUDGE KAVANAUGH HIMSELF IS ABOUT
TO APPEAR SO LET'S GO LIVE TO
THE SENATE HEARING ROOM WHERE
TWO OF THE OLDEST WHITE PEOPLE
I'VE EVER SEEN ARE ABOUT TO RUN
A CIRCUS.
[ BANGING ]
>> ORDER.
ORDER.
WE'RE CALLING THIS HEARING BACK
TO ORDER.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE BACK FROM LUNCH.
I HAD SOUP.
>> AND I HAD SOUP AS WELL.
IT WAS TOO HOT.
NOW WE JUST HEARD SOME VERY
MOVING TESTIMONY FROM DR. FORD.
I LISTENED TO HER AND I KEPT A
VERY OPEN MIND AND THAT'S WHY I
ALREADY VOTED YES FOR KAVANAUGH
BEFORE SHE EVEN SAID A WORD.
NOW WE'VE HEARD FROM THE ALLEGED
VICTIM, BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO
HEAR FROM THE HERO, JUDGE
BRETT KAVANAUGH, WHO I'M BEEN
TOLD HAS BEEN SHADOW BOXING IN
THE MEN'S ROOM FOR THE LAST
45 MINUTES.
JUDGE KAVANAUGH.
[ APPLAUSE ]
JUDGE KAVANAUGH.
>> WHAT?
>> ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN?
OH, HELL YOU.
LET ME TELL YOU THIS I'M GOING
TO START AT AN 11, I'M GOING TO
TAKE IT TO A 15 REAL QUICK.
FIRST OF ALL I SHOWED THIS
SPEECH TO ALMOST NO ONE.
NOT MY FAMILY, NOT MY FRIENDS,
NOT EVEN P.J. OR TOBIN OR SQUEE.
THIS IS MY SPEECH.
THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE IT BUT IT
IS MINE.
I WROTE IT MYSELF LAST NIGHT
WHILE SCREAMING INTO AN EMPTY
BAG OF DORITOS.
I'M HERE TONIGHT BECAUSE OF A
SHAM.
POLITICAL CON JOB ORCHESTRATED
BY THE CLINTONS, GEORGE SOROS,
CATHY GRIFFON, THE GAY MAFIA AND
MR. RONAN SINATRA.
NOW I'M USUALLY AN OPTIMIST, I'M
A KEG IS HALF FULL KIND OF GUY.
BUT WHAT I'VE SEEN FROM THE
MONSTERS ON THIS COMMITTEE MAKES
ME WANT TO PUKE AND NOT FROM
BEER.
DR. FORD HAS NO EVIDENCE, NONE.
MEANWHILE, I'VE GOT THESE.
I'VE GOT THESE CALENDARS.
THESE BEAUTIFUL, CREEPY
CALENDARS.
ABOUT LIFTING WEIGHTS WITH P.J.
AND SQUEE AND DONKEY DONALD
DOUG.
WE DON'T CARE ABOUT SQUEE OR
DONKEY DONG DOUG, DO YOU?
YOU JUST WANT TO HUMILIATE ME IN
FRONT OF MY WIFE.
MY PARENTS, AND ALYSSA FREAKING
MILANO.
WELL GUESS WHAT?
I'M NOT BACKING DOWN YOU SONS OF
BITCHES.
I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE
WORD STOP.
TO QUOTE MY HERO,
CLINT EASTWOODS CHARACTER IN
"GRAND TORINO," GET THE HELL OFF
MY LAWN.
NOW LET'S DO THIS.
>> OKAY.
WELL, I'M HARD AS HELL.
SENATOR FEINSTEIN, YOU WANT TO
FIGHT THIS MONKEY FIRST.
>> JUDGE KAVANAUGH, ARE SAYING
THAT ALL THE CLAIMS OF DR. FORD,
MRS. RAMIREZ AND MRS. SWETNICK
ARE FALSE?
>> DOY.
>> THEN IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
HIDE, WOULD YOU AGREE TO AN
INDEPENDENT FBI INVESTIGATION
INTO THE ALLEGATION?
>> ASKED AND ANSWERED.
I WANTED A HEARING THE NEXT DAY.
THE NEXT DAY.
>> OKAY, THAT IN NO WAY ANSWERS
MY QUESTION.
WOULD YOU AGREE TO AN FBI
INVESTIGATION?
>> YOU WANT A REAL
INVESTIGATION, THEN JUST LOOK AT
MY --
LOOK AT MY CALENDARS.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THAT
EVERY NIGHT I WAS LIFTING
WEIGHTS WITH PJ AND SQUEE AND
HANDSY HANK AND GANG BANG GREG.
BUT YOU KNOW THE LIBERAL MEDIA
IS GOING TO FIND SOME WAY TO
SPIN.
>> OKAY, CAN WE VOTE NOW?
>> NO.
NO.
SENATOR HATCH.
>> I JUST WANTED TO POINT OUT
THAT DEMOCRATS IN THIS COMMITTEE
HAVE ACTED LIKE COWARDS.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'D
LIKE THE HIDE BEHIND THE FEMALE
PROSECUTOR WE'VE HIRED TO ACTADS
A HUMAN SHIELD.
>> HI.
OKAY.
I HAVE GOT ABOUT 4,000 LOOSE
PAPERS ON THIS WEIRD LITTLE BABY
DESK THAT THEY SET UP FOR ME.
OKAY, FIRST ALL OF -- HELLO.
MY NAME IS RACHEL MITCHELL.
I'M HERE MOSTLY FOR TWITTER AND
ALTHOUGH EVERYONE WILL
CONSTANTLY BE REFERRING TO ME AS
A FEMALE PROSECUTOR, YOU REALLY
CAN JUST CALL ME A STRAIGHT UP
PROSECUTOR.
NOW BEFORE WE BEGIN --
>> YOUR TIME IS UP.
>> OKAY.
WELL, I'M ALREADY REGRETTING
THIS, OKAY.
>> OKAY.
SENATOR KLOBUCHAR.
>> OKAY.
OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
NOW, JUDGE KAVANAUGH WOULD YOU
SAY THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU WERE
A FREQUENT DRINKER?
>> LOOK, I LIKE BEER.
OKAY.
I LIKE BEER, I LIKE BEER.
BOYS LIKE BEER, GIRLS LIKE BEER.
I LIKE BEER.
I LIKE BEER.
SO I ASKED IF YOU DRANK IN HIGH
SCHOOL AND YOU SAID I LIKE BEER
10 TIMES.
THAT LEADS ME TO THE NEXT
QUESTION.
DID YOU EVER DRINK TOO MANY
BEERS?
>> YOU MEAN WAS I COOL?
YEAH.
>> ALL RIGHT THEN.
TELL ME THIS, JUDGE, DID YOU
EVER DRINK SO MUCH THAT YOU
BLACKED OUT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
DID YOU?
HUH?
HUH?
DID YOU EVER BLACK OUT?
>> EXCUSE ME?
>> SORRY.
SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
I THINK I JUST BLACKED OUT FOR A
SECOND.
>> I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, JUDGE.
AND CAN I JUST ASK, IS THAT
ALYSSA MILANO BEHIND YOU?
SHE IS REALLY GOOD AT FINDING
THE LENS.
>> OKAY.
ORDER.
ORDER.
SENATOR TILLIS.
>> THANK YOU.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO YIELD MY
TIME TO THE FEMALE ASSISTANT --
OH, SORRY WOULD YOU PREFER
STEWARDESS?
>> OKAY, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I
FLEW HERE ON SOUTHWEST FOR THIS.
OKAY.
NOW JUDGE KAVANAUGH DID YOU HAVE
THE DEFINITION OF SEXUAL
BEHAVIOR IN FRONT OF YOU?
>> YES.
>> OKAY.
COULD YOU PLEASE READ IT TO
YOURSELF AND WHILE YOU DO, COULD
YOU LOOK AT THE PIECE OF PAPER
LIKE YOU HATE IT AND COULD YOU
ALSO SQUINT AND MAKE YOUR MOUTH
INTO THE TINIEST LITTLE MOUTH
WE'VE EVER SEEN.
[ LAUGHTER]
>> OKAY.
I READ IT.
>> OKAY.
NOW HAVING READ THAT --
>> TIME'S UP.
>> VERY COOL, VERY COOL.
>> SENATOR BOOKER, ARE YOU
READY TO SPEAK?
>> I WILL NOT DIGNIFY THIS
HEARING WITH WORDS.
I WILL JUST SHOW YOU ONE
EXPRESSION I CALL THE BOOKER
LOOK.
>> OOKAWHI.
THANK YOU, SENATOR BOOKER.
SENATOR KENNEDY FROM LOUISIANA.
>> I ONLY HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR
YOU.
I WANT TO LOOK IN FRONTF OGOD
AND ANSWER HONESTLY, THAT BEER
YOU LIKE TO DRINK, WE TALKING
FOREIGN OR DOMESTIC?
>>
>> I DRINK AMERICAN BEER.
>> YOU LIKE DRINKING HEINEKEN ON
US.
>> I DRINK AMERICAN BEER.
>> NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!
THIS GUY CHECKS OUT.
I GIVE THE REST OF MY HIM TO
MISS FRIZZLE.
>> OKAY.
WELL, NOW I GOT TO MAKE THIS
QUICK --
>> THAT'S IT.
>> OKAY.
DAMN IT.
>> SENATOR WHITEHOUSE.
>> YES.
I'D JUST LIKE TO ASK JUDGE
KAVANAUGH ABOUT HIS YEAR BOOK.
>> OH, YEAR BOOK?
WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT A YEAR BOOK
RIGHT NOW?
>> YEAH, JUDGE KAVANAUGH WHAT IS
BOOPING?
>> IT'S FLATULENCE, I WAS 16.
>> COULD YOU USE BOOP IN A
SENTENCE?
>> YEAH, SURE.
I PASSED OUT FROM DRINKING, THEN
I BOOPED SO LOUD I WOKE MYSELF
UP.
>> WHAT ABOUT DEVIL'S TRIANGLE?
>> IT'S A DRINKING GAME.
>> ESKIMO BROTHERS?
>> DRINKING GAME.
>> EIFFEL TOWER WITH DOUGIE ONE
NUT?
>> THAT WAS A POSSIBLE TRIP TO
FRANCE THAT DID NOT PAN OUT.
>> JUDGE KAVANAUGH, MY STAFF
JUST GOOGLED ALL THESE TERMS AND
THEY CLEARLY REFER TO SEX.
>> WELL THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE SEX FOR
MANY, MANY, MANY YEARS.
ALL I DID WAS DRINK A LOT AND
NOT THINK ABOUT HAVING SEX AT
ALL.
I WAS THE PROUDEST, DRUNKEST
VIRGIN YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
AND EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO THAT.
>> OKAY.
NOW I OBJECT.
>> OKAY, LINDSEY GRAHAM.
>> I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU
AND SHAKE MY FINGER AND GET RID
OF THIS TOMATO FOR 15 MINUTES
AND I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO SHUT
UP BECAUSE I'M A SINGLE WHITE
MALE, 5'10" UNCUT.
BUT I
WILL NOT SHUT UP BECAUSE THIS IS
A BUNCH OF C-R-A-P, CRAP.
THIS AIN'T NO TRIAL.
THERE AIN'T NO DUE PROCESS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS, JUDGE
KAVANAUGH?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
>> IS THIS A REAL QUESTION?
>> THIS IS.
HELL.
THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.
IT'S HELL.
IS THIS HELL TO YOU, JUDGE
KAVANAUGH?
>> IT'S PRETTY BAD.
>> IT'S HORRIFIC.
AND FOR WHAT?
YOU DON'T JUST BEAT BILL COSBY
AND THEN SUDDENLY YOU'RE NOT
ANYMORE.
>> OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
COMPARE ME TO BILL COSBY.
>> NO, YOU ARE HIM.
IMAGINE THIS MAN IN HANDCUFFS
LIKE COSBY.
>> PLEASE STOP SAYING
BILL COSBY.
>> PUT THIS MAN ON THE SUPREME
COURT RIGHT NOW.
NO VOTES, NO DISCUSSION.
YOU GIVE HIM A GOD DAMN ROBE AND
YOU LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE HELL
HE WANTS.
BECAUSE THIS RIGHT NOW, THIS IS
MY AUDITION FOR THE TRUMP
CABINET.
ANDALLO -- ALSO A REGIONAL
PRODUCTION OF "THE CRUCIBLE"
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I WAS GOOD.
>> ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK WE'VE HEARD MORE THAN
ENOUGH.
RANKING MEMBER FEINSTEIN, WOULD
YOU LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING IN
CLOSING.
>> I JUST HAVE ONE FINAL
QUESTION FOR JUDGE KAVANAUGH.
AFTER ALL OF THIS, DO YOU REALLY
THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
DEMEANOR AND TEMPERAMENT TO BE A
SUPREME COURT JUSTICE?
>> I WENT TO YALE.
I WORKED MY BUTT TOUGH TO GET
HERE.
I BUSTED MY BUNS.
I LIFTED WEIGHTS.
EVERY DAY.
WITH WITH TOBIN, PJ AND SQUEAK
AND DONKEY DONG DOUG.
AND YEAH, WE HAD A COUPLE
THOUSAND BEERS ALONG THE WAY,
ESPECIALLY MY GOOD FRIEND MARK
JUDGE WHO CAN'T REMEMBER HUGE
CHUNKS OF HIS LIFE BUT IS
SOMEHOW MY KEY WITNESS.
YOU THINK I'M ANGRY, YOU'RE DAMN
RIGHT I AM.
BUT YOU THINK I'M ANGRY NOW, YOU
JUST WAIT TILL I GET ON THAT
SUPREME COURT BECAUSE THEN
YOU'RE ALL GOING TO PAY.
GIVE ME A CAN OF WATER.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S
