Welcome back,
today we’re looking at
magic tricks going NOT
the way they’re supposed to.
I understand everyone has to start somewhere, but
I don’t think running into the fridge is meant
to be the climax of this trick.
Let’s look at a similar one.
The kids cheese it.
Dad forgets to tell him to leave the door open,
which is an integral mechanical feature of the trick.
Up goes the magic blankey,
oh yeah right on the brain!
He falls dramatically,
his clothes are wet,
his head hurts.
“YOU ALL KNOW ABOUT THE DOOR!?”
shouts a soggy, sad fucken Dad.
This is the classic
“How To Remake Your Chain Sawed in Half Friend”
Trick.
Cue the smoke—Too much smoke!
Screw this,
the Top Half Guy grows legs
and cheeses it.
The Magician mumbles “a gentle whiff of smoke.
Not fucken Fireworks.
I wanted a gentle whiff.
Why are all me mates bloody amateurs.”
Be very careful
copying the magic tricks by that legend
Zack King.
You can’t jump through windows,
they bloody smash
if ya don’t know how to use
Adobe After Effects.
It’s nothing to celebrate.
You can’t create vortexes
out of thin air.
You can’t eat a company’s donut sign.
That’s not a cake,
don’t cut fucken glass!
I know ya wanna save people with magic,
but it’s not real,
if they’re gonna get hit by a truck
that’s on them.
Shit, sorry for lecturing you about the obvious.
I mean, stick to classic tricks
like Sword Swallowing.
This bloke is deep throating the piss out of that blade.
Not having a gag reflex
is the real abracadabra shit.
Yeah.
He’s nailed it.
Get ready for Act 3, The Prestige.
Ah no it’s a fake sword.
It’s a retractable toy.
His deep throat skills are a scam.
The crowd claps, but I dunno,
I feel let down by this one the most.
Oi. Being a sheila in the magic industry is fucked.
No, don’t immediately say
“what about men?”
BAM, stabbed and dropped.
Don’t sign up to be a magician’s assistant ladies.
You get put in containers.
And bloody cylindrical gift boxes.
And this fucken custom-made coffin thing.
You get fondled after being chopped in half.
Chains,
if you’re into it that’s fine,
but yeah nah yeah,
just letting ya know about chains.
More containers.
They get set on fire.
Here’s a spike.
Yep, feel that.
It’s real.
Super sharp.
I’ll bung it in a bag.
Yeah, gimme ya hand.
I’m gonna slam it on the bag.
It was at this moment everyone wished
that they could go back in time
and prevent a spike
going through her hand.
Fuck this ladies, fuck this.
Even for Scarlett Johansson,
the enjoyment was an illusion,
she was chewed up and spat out
by these egotistical, deceptive fucken cowboys.
Shit, I’m reality on a tangent again.
Sorry, everyone.
Let’s get back to happy magic.
Ta-da!
Happy magic!
Here’s a dog that wants a biscuit.
The owner’s like “oh dear it vanished.”
The dog replies “I don’t care about games ya wankers.
I saw the treat.
It exists.
Come on.
Give it to me.
Please.
I’m so hungry.
I’ll shake your hand.
Yeah just get a fresh one from the bag.
Thank you.
Happy magic is my jam.”
This one is at my skill level.
I like magic tricks that are quick
and easy to learn.
Bloody Mum is mesmerised.
She’s thinking “wowee,
my daughter is the next
David Copperfield.
Hopefully she doesn’t become an assistant.
Yeah nah, she’s gonna be running her own shows
on Las Vegas boulevard.”
Overall, escaping reality is fun,
but don’t escape it too much,
cause that just all gets
pretty unhealthy.
