-Hi, everybody. Welcome to "The
Tonight Show" at-home edition.
Today is Cinco de Mayo, but it's
also National Teacher Day.
And after a few months
of homeschooling,
I get why teachers and
margaritas share the same day.
This year for Cinco de Mayo,
some neighborhoods
are holding virtual fiestas.
It's a great chance
for white people
to do things that are only
virtually offensive.
"Dad, you can't wear that.
You can't wear it. Take it off."
Now that I've been homeschooling
my kids for a while,
I realize there's a lot of
history I've forgotten.
So as a public service
to our viewers,
I thought it would be fun to add
an educational element
to our monologue.
It's time for
"Time Travel Tuesday."
-On this day in 1973,
Secretariat won
the Kentucky Derby
and also won becoming the answer
anytime someone says,
"Name a horse."
On this day in 1967,
"One Hundred Years of Solitude"
was published.
And on this day this year,
100 years of solitude
is just what a random Tuesday
feels like.
On this day in 1945, MTV News
anchor Kurt Loder was born.
A mere two days later,
on May 7th,
Nazi Germany surrendered
to Allied forces.
Coincidence? I think not.
-Well, this isn't good.
Ritz Crackers is recalling
their cheese cracker sandwiches
after they were filled with
peanut butter.
Yeah, people with peanut
allergies are thinking,
"I survived the pandemic only
to be taken out by a cracker?"
This summer there's going to be
a baby Yoda cereal.
Asked how they came up with
the idea, baby Yoda said,
"Financial trouble
Disney is in."
I can't do Yoda.
I guess I could
if I practiced it.
I don't know.
I just can't do it.
Everyone does that, right?
"Financial trouble
Disney is in."
I got to watch it.
Actually, baby Yoda
doesn't even talk, right?
So that's why
I don't do the impression,
because it doesn't exist.
But when he does talk...
-He's just really cute,
like you.
-I'll work on that.
Check this out.
Uber will soon require
that drivers and passengers
wear face coverings.
So if you're taking
an Uber pool,
they recommend everyone
stick their head out the window
like a golden retriever.
Yesterday Elon Musk
and his girlfriend Grimes
welcomed a baby boy.
And he shared his name
in a tweet. Check it out.
X-Ash-A-12 Musk.
That's an interesting choice
since that's usually
a girl's name.
And this is dumb.
It's pronounced Kevin.
Get this. Tom Cruise is teaming
up with NASA and Elon Musk
to shoot an entire feature film
in space.
Even crazier,
it's the sequel to "Cocktail."
If anyone remembers that movie,
he throws cocktail bottles.
That was a cocktail bottle
floating.
-Who doesn't remember that?
-Some people, you know.
I heard that
since the quarantine started,
Americans are getting
fewer robocalls.
Yep, the robots stopped calling
when they realized
how hard it is to get a person
in isolation off of the phone.
"No, really, I have to go.
There's other people
I have to go bother."
"Wait, whoa, while we're here,
I was thinking of taking
a wine and cheese course online.
Wine's good
with a lot of cheeses."
"I can't believe I still have to
be talking to you.
Please hang up the phone.
Throw me in a bathtub."
I saw that police in Louisiana
are searching for
an aggressive chicken that was
harassing people outside a bank.
Little did they know he was
just creating a diversion
while two other chickens
emptied the vault.
At another bank, a man tried to
exchange some burnt cash
after tossing it in a microwave
to kill the coronavirus.
Yikes, even the people
who signed up for Quibi
think it's a waste of money.
And finally, a 5-year-old in
Utah was pulled over by police
while driving his parents' car
to California
to "buy a Lamborghini."
A 5-year-old.
You know quarantine is
aging people when 5-year-olds
are going through
a midlife crisis.
That's our monologue, everybody.
Oh, what a show we have tonight.
Ryan Reynolds is here.
We love you, Ryan Reynolds.
We love you, Blake Lively, too,
but it's just Ryan tonight.
I'm just giving a shout-out
to Blake and the fam.
Foodbankscanada.ca.
Ryan has done
so much for charity, though,
that this is
just the cherry on top.
Wait until you hear
what he's done.
You've probably heard about it
already, but he's unbelievable.
Also on the show tonight,
Karlie Kloss,
who is here for robinhood.org
but also her Kode with Klossy
is pretty awesome stuff.
I'll be talking with Karlie
later in the show.
And then Ezra Koenig
from Vampire Weekend
is closing out the show
with a medley of three songs
from the great album
"Father of the Bride."
Man, he's a talented,
talented guy.
It's going to be
a fun, fun show tonight.
