 
AS IN LOVE AS NEVER BEFORE K.KRISHNA KUMAR

TITLE : AS IN LOVE AS NEVER BEFORE

AUTHOR'S NAME : K.KRISHNA KUMAR

MAILING ADDRESS : K.KRISHNA KUMAR

S/0 P.KALIAPPAN, FOREST RANGER,

NEW COLONY, ANGALAKURICHI

POLLACHI.TK, COIMBATORE.DIST,

TAMIL NADU-642007, INDIA

TELEPHONE NO : +919488388492

E-MAIL ID : krishbeae@gmail.com

CONTENTS OF THE NOVEL:

SECTION 1: SCHOOL LIFE:

  1. FINGERS CROSSED:

  2. HOW I MET HER:

  3. A BOND:

  4. ONE, TWO AND THREE

  5. THE PLAY (GAMES AND DRAMA):

  6. THE BIRIYANI CONSEQUENCE:

  7. THE EPIDEMIC

  8. JOKES AND THE TEARS:

  9. CHOCOLATE WRAPPERS AND THE DETECTIVE:

  10. IN THE JOURNEY:

  11. GRAND OPERA:

  12. CHEERFUL AIMS:

  13. JUDGMENT DAY:

  14. IN THE SIXTEENTH AGE

  15. IN THE TALE OF LIFE

  16. COUNTDOWN

  17. SAVING THE MIDNIGHT OIL:

  18. WITH FLOWN OUT COLOURS:

SECTION 2: NEW SCHOOL LIFE

  19. WRONG TURN:

  20. COMPLIMENTS OF SHUFFLING

  21. MA, I FORGOT SOMETHING:

  22. AS IN LOVE AS NEVER BEFORE:

  23. A LUCKY CHANCE:

  24. AUTOSPY BY CUPID'S ARROW:

  25. AN UNEXPECTED INFLUENCE:

  26. MY PARENT'S DREAM AND STUDY HOLIDAYS:

  27. ANOTHER RACE:

  28. IDLE MIND- A LOVE'S WORKSHOP:

  29. MASTERPIECE:

SECTION 3: COLLEGE LIFE

  30. LIFETIME FESTIVAL FOR MIDDLE CLASS:

  31. GETTING A WINDOW-SEAT:

  32. IN-FORMAL INTRODUCTIONS:

  33. FEW DISPUTES:

  34. HEY BOY:

  35. FUN AND FROLIC:

  36. HARD TO SHOW AS WELL AS TO HIDE:

  37. NEWTON'S LAW OF SLEEPING:

  38. WAITING FOR THE SATURDAYS:

  39. MUTUAL SHARING:

  40. SAME PINCH:

  41. TRAPPED (BY TREES AND EXAMS)

  42. MYSTIFYING MYSTERRIES:

  43. A WALK TO THE TEMPLE:

  44. HAUNTING MEMORIES:

  45. ANYTHING SPECIAL TODAY:

  46. FRIENDSHIP BITES:

  47. MISSING A MISS:

  48. A BEAUTIFUL HAPPENING:

  49. WHERE YOU WENT? YOUR MOTHER WAS SEARCHING

  50. IF NOT SHE THEN NO ONE:

  51. A DREAM TO COME TRUE IN ANOTHER DREAM:

  52. TIME FOR THE BIRDS TO LEAVE THE SANCTUARY:

  53. YES OR NO:

  54. IF IT DOESN'T ANYTHING WOULDN'T :

  55. CLOSE YOUR EYES I AM COMING NEAR YOU:

  56. A BEAUTIFUL LIFE:

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

First of all I thank myself for believing in myself

It is enough for me to vain myself...No thanks could be said to my parents, they gave me to this world and everything which I get belongs to them. I am happy I am lucky enough of being educated and I am given an opportunity to scoop a little knowledge of the English, I thank all my teachers (English Mam & others), who educated me. I thank all the good hearts, who helped me while I am travelling on this path especially my Department friends and my H.O.D. Though there are many I like to notify Sakthi, Ram and all my Department friends.

I really owe my fame to the Publishing Company starting from the one who reads my manuscript to the one who prints, one who distributes the book to the stores and one who sells it...I still remember the struggle I am involved for publishing my dream work. Without them my dream would have gone as a dream, I thank them for believing me and giving me a chance.

I thank all the ones who inspired me and unknown congenial friends whom I got through the internet.

Now it is your time...thanks for spending your time to read this book (I hope you enjoy, at least a little). Thank you for believing me, and dropping your hands in this new author's work. I may have missed some, if you think you deserve some notification then you do...

I haven't forgotten you...if God has chosen you to introduce the beautiful feeling in my life then it is his responsibility to bless you for all the good things I do...

DEDICATION:

I dedicate this work to my family, teachers, friends and everyone in this world, who lives their life on purpose...that is "To love in such a way that even God should envy the one who deserves your love".

FINGERS CROSSED:

Tomorrow is the day of my 12th result. I am little concerned, not about the marks because I knew I have done my exams well. I am worried that she may not come there, and I may not see her. However, I pinned my hopes on my instincts, which always murmured to me.

"Go to the school, she will come there surely."

I am bored thinking this continuously for three months, right from the day I finished writing my last exam. Nevertheless, I couldn't do without thinking of this. Lying in the bed I thought about the same for another time. And I doubted that, today's night may also end as another sleepless night like most of my past 90 nights.

" Let me check how my instinct works. I said to myself and closed my eyes." That is the last thing I remember.

"Wake up Krishna, it is too late today. Time is getting near 8'o clock"

My mother shouted. I realised that I have slept in the previous night, because I am waking up now. After a humongous yawn, I saw the clock, the time is exactly 8'o clock. I got up from the bed, and went to wash my face.

My mum after arranging the bed went to fetch my morning coffee. For these seventeen years, I drink the morning coffee before brushing my teeth. This may be the reason,

"Why my mom's coffee tasted good only in the morning?"

I said the coffee tastes too good to my mother (first lie even in the very morning, who knows how the result might turn out)

My father came to the kitchen, saw me sipping coffee with a meditative look on my face, and asked.

"Will you get above 80%, I know you will, but I just asked you."

I am little irritated with this because it may be the 100th time he is asking me the same question since from the day I finished my exams.

"Who knows? I wrote the exam well, but I don't how many marks they are going to afford me... Wait for another three hours up to that don't pester me pa..." I said with a touch of asperity.

I know why my father is asking me like this, because he has a doubt that I may disappoint him like I did with my tenth result. Huffily I got up and conducted my daily morning business. Before I am ready, my father got ready, and he is waiting for me eagerly.

Then my mother combed my hair neatly and caked my face in talcum. Even so, it is really the kiss given by her in my cheeks, which made my face pretty, as it blushed with bliss when it got its kiss.

Though I am seventeen years old, I am still a kid to them. I am a pampered kid even now as always. I am being a one and only son to them. They brought me up with much affection. They never have raised their hands to hit me even once in their life, though we have quarrelled many times.

As my house is small, the distances between our hearts are also smaller. Other than the three of us there lived another member who never paid his rent for staying with us. He is none other than the "happiness."

I and my father reached the internet centre at 10'o clock. The results are said to be published exactly at 10'o clock but in our country, it means that the results will be available at 10:30. So we have to wait for another half an hour. I saw my father sitting with full of eagerness and tension as if he has written the exam. I know there will be thousands of thoughts running in his mind. However, he is reticent because he knew very well that in this tension, I will get angry if he asserts something to me.

After half an hour, my 12th result flashed on the screen. I turned towards the left to see my father where he was sitting before. He is not there so I turned right he is standing there beside of me. He shouted my marks loudly in my ears, hugged me and once again,

He exclaimed "95%, I never thought of this! I not at any time expected that my son is going to get these many marks"

He is very much happy in this moment. His happiness seemed that, he will even reject a life in heaven to live these seconds on earth.

Later, he immediately took one rupee coin from his pocket and went to ring my mother in order to share his happiness with her, like he did every time. This is the kind of love my father really possesses towards my mother.

" I am going to school to check out my friends marks" I said to my father, and I headed towards my school.

I reached my school gate at 11'o clock. On reaching my school, my heart started to beat as twice faster than before. I went towards the board that is kept on the side of our school ground, in which the results have been displayed. As I started moving I saw her at a short distance. She is busy in seeing the results. As soon as my eyes saw her my legs started to walk in a great speed towards her.

My whole body perspired. I am fully tensed than even during my result. I went near her. She saw me and smiled. I too returned a smile.

I am very much happy that my instinct has at last worked out. Since I have another instinct whispering in my heart, it is.

"I am the one who is going to marry her."

I then asked her how much percentage she has earned. As I wished, it is a little lesser than mine. She asked my percentage, and I said that to her.

"Which college have you planned to join?" I asked her suddenly.

Little surprised by my question,

"Not yet decided, I will decide it in the counselling" she responded to it.

Then I saw her, seeing all her friend's marks. I too put my fingers on the board to check out the marks my friends have scored. I first went to Syed and then went for the others.

After that I wished to get away from that place while she is still standing there. I don't know why I wished like so. Might because I don't wish to talk with her when her father is standing there with her? But I normally don't care about these things, then.

"Why do I wish to get out of the place while she is still standing there?" I swear I really don't know why I wished like so?

"When one is in love, he will behave crazily at times." I have heard this many times, but I experienced this for the first time.

Then I went out from my school and saw it from the outside. To me, it appeared as if I am seeing my school for the last time. At the second, I saw my school, I realised I am missing my paradise. Because,

"School is not only a place, which is filled with buildings and trees

But also it is a relation to which half of our soul stays with.

When we come away from them,

Making us remember the places:

Where we once attended classes,

The place where we once sat and had fun,

The place where we once shared our food,

The place where we once bunked our classes and roamed,

The place where we have been there once

And spent the happiest moments of our life..."

I am really as much worried as missing my girl for missing my school. If the places where angels live are called as the heaven, then my school is the real heaven for me because I had my angel near to me only there.

As I am walking in the road, the thing, which everyone says to be happening only in the films, is happening to me at this time. She is going in front of my eyes with sitting in her father's scooter. I saw her face. She smiled and shook her head with a flourish. I reciprocated the same to her.

I realised this moment is going to be one of the most beautiful moments in my life because this moment is mixed with pain and happiness. The happiness for I have got this moment in my life, which I yearned for. This moment is little cinematic. So it is hard for me to forget; in other words, it will be easy for me to remember, and I will ever cherish this as long as I live. And pain despite the fact that this moment might end up as the last moment, in which I have her near me.

And I knew; it is with the remembrance of this moment I am going to survive, until I get her another moment to be shared with mine.

In the following night, my mother and father slept complacently with pride. Though I am the reason behind this, I am restless in the night. I begin to think about the things happened during my result. In retrospect, I started to regret for failing to ask her about the course she wishes to join.

I am as blank as a last bench student's exam paper, about the course she will join. If I have asked her, then I will also have chosen the same course in the Engineering counselling. In the counselling students can choose the college and the course in that college based on the % of marks they have got in their 12th public exam. There is merely a little difference between hers and mine marks. Similarly, there is only a little chance for me to meet her on the counselling, which is going to be held in the next month.

So once again, I started to regret for missing the golden chances of speaking with her.

After I have fallen in love with her, I regret more than rejoicing. If I haven't loved her, then I will have nothing to worry about. I will rejoice in every single second of my life but now.

"Why should I brood over the minutes, I miss her?"

"Why should I yearn for her now to come into my life?"

"Why am I in love, as never before?"

To me how she happened? Thinking of this always makes me feel great and wonder....

HOW I MET HER:

There are two kinds of lovers in this world. The first kind falls in love at their first sight. While the other feels after: sometime, some days, some weeks, some months, or some years that they have actually fallen in love at their first sight itself. I belong to the second kind, but I didn't remember when I had actually fallen in love with her, when she happened to me four years before...

My father being a government employee he got transferred for every three years. So, was our family that we every time shifted to a new house, which will be in proximity to our father's office. That time we shifted to a big town, and my mother as usual established a strong relationship with the neighbours' house families.

I had no other option than leaving my old school because I didn't wish to stay in the hostel. Then I joined that new school which was suggested to me by one of my father's friends whose son was already studying in that school.

After spending my eighth standard holidays I entered as a fresh student to that new school for my ninth standard.

When I entered the class, I was really surprised because my father's friend's son turned out to be studying in the same section of class I entered. His name was Syed. We hardly knew each other. One time we played cricket together in the ground near our house. Hence, we knew each other's name and nothing more than that.

Then I went to the last bench and sat there as it was the only seat available for me. Few students inquired about me, and I started responding to them. Few become friends with me even in our first meeting in the class...

In my first period, my class teacher asked the new students to introduce themselves. I stood up, as I stood up I saw only me standing. I understood that I was the only new student to their school. I introduced myself by saying my name and the reason for which I had left my old school

When I started answering, I saw everyone turning back to look at me, as I was standing on the last bench.

I didn't remember every face that looked back at me, but I still remember a face which was in my mind as a rain spattered and impressionistic picture looking back at me. I didn't remember my first meeting with most of the people but hers. My brain was cunning enough to remember my first meeting with her yet it never revealed this for a few years. It hid this from me, because it was afraid that I might not go with its wish to love her during that innocent age. When you fall in love, you would realise the mischievous things done by your brain even without your knowledge.

That was the first time I saw her. After years, it was really complicated for me to find out, which was the first time I saw her? One day when I was peaceful, I thought about this for the whole day. And after analysing all my available memories at last I concluded this as one in which I saw her for the first time.

I still remember the first day she spoke to me and the first time in my life, she was very close to me. Whenever I think about these moments, my heart starts to blossom together with thousands of roses. It was when our physics teacher asked me to go and study with her and the other group members of her.

She was the leader of the group then I fathomed that she would be one of the toppers in that class. Because in our education system, only toppers of the class were given the group leader post: by allotting them a group of some average and below average students to be guided by them.

Mostly, the students holding the group leader post boasted themselves of holding a Prime Minister post. Nevertheless, she was different; she behaved only as if she was holding a Chief Minister post. She ordered me to open my physics book. Then she began explaining us the structure of an atom as explained by Ruther Ford.

I still wonder why I was so naïve during the time she spoke to me. I should not at any time have listened to her. If I had done just that, I wouldn't have yearned for her or would have never fallen for her now. All the other lovers, who don't have their sweethearts with them, would also wish the same should have happened, during the time they met their sweethearts for the first time in their life.

Actually, during that time she had been just a stranger (a little beautiful stranger) to me, and my behaviour with her was as usual as ours' behaviour with someone who was introduced to us for the first time. At that time, I never overwhelmed her beauty. She was just like other girls, and I think by then I didn't know what beauty really meant. I understood what beauty meant only after I met her. Was she that much beautiful?

Yes, she was much beautiful. Her complexion appeared as if it was made by squeezing the rose petals, which were dropped in white milk for a few days. I doubted whether her shadow would also be pale red in colour. Her ordinary black hair with its mysterious shining and her exquisite eyes with its innocence like new born baby's eyes just added the essence to her elegant appearance. But the assets that really made her pretty were different; they were not merely the physical attributes. She was ignorant of how much beautiful she was? Her every action authenticating this made her the beautiful angel.

I wish not to appraise much about her beauty. Because if do, then I was afraid that, other girls who are beautiful, may envy and the other girls who are beautiful only by their heart may feel sad. Her beauty that projected the Cupid's arrow in most of the boys' heart shouldn't be a reason for the both.

However, to tell the truth it was my eyes, which saw her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world. It is always the love that causes beauty, and it is not the beauty which will induce the love.

A BOND:

The relation between me and Syed first begun as the neighbour house acquaintances, then fate twisted us to study in the same school. In the school as the places were new to me, I found hard to return to the same place, whenever I went to some other places. Moreover, our school contained many floors with all the corridors of them appearing alike. And every class in them looked similar to each other that I was really confused every time. As a result, I entered the wrong classes, sometimes in the same floor and often in a different floor.

Hence to avoid confusions, I always adhered to Syed in the school, and I simply went to the places where he went. I even went to the toilet only if he went. And this was the first reason why we became friends.

Since my house was near to him, I borrowed books and notes from him after I was aware that he was one of the brightest students in our class. This added the familiarity fuel and ignited our friendship fire. Sometimes we played cricket together near our house. I liked very much into playing with him, though mostly he hit the ball, and I chased it.

And sometimes we met each other at the bus stop. In the mornings, he usually got ready to school as early as possible. And I had been just opposite to him but when either of our timings missed we met each other at the bus stop. In the evening, both of us would leave the school jointly, else would wait for each other at the bus stop if both one of us were late. And we would be coming home together. These were the different colours that painted our friendship portrait.

Thus within in two weeks a lustier friendship bond developed between us. And as time proceeded our bond became stronger even than the covalent bond that existed between two carbon-carbon atoms in our chemistry book.

ONE, TWO AND THREE:

Three weeks later, during recess Syed asked me to accompany him to the staff room. He wanted to meet the Physics teacher to clear his doubt. For the students other than toppers such as Syed, entering the staff room was as dreadful as to a sheep entering a butcher's place of business.

"I would rather go to the graveyard at midnight than to enter the staff room"

I said to Syed and stayed in the class. Most of the students had gone to the toilet or canteen. I saw that a few still remained in the class. Three boys sitting on a bench called me. I squeezed myself uncomfortably in the same bench.

One of them asked, "How do you find the school?"

Before I could reply "great" I saw from the corner of my eye the other two exchanging meaningful looks (I mildly heard them say one two and three). Before my suspected brain could warn, I was already in for their game. Those chaps with the combined force jerked sideways suddenly and shoved me out. I remember only in snatches what happened after that.

I fell down some feet away with my hands hitting a girl's leg. Usually in our schools the girls sat in three or four rows of benches in one column-wise order. And boys sat in separate rows of benches in another column-wise order, separated by a small space in between the girls' rows.

It would have been better if I have accompanied Syed, I comprehended at that moment.

But now I realise that they have done a wonderful thing to me on that day, as they gave me a chance of touching my girl's leg. During that time as soon as my hands hit her leg, she took her leg and gave an "ssshhh" sound; while I completed saying, "great" word from my mouth.

While others laughed at me, I got up from the place without uttering a word. I was little angry at them but hid my irritation.

After that we all became friends when they later explained to me that they had the habit of doing this to the new students and asked sorry for that.

THE PLAY (GAMES AND DRAMA):

We had a games hour that day. Every student was chuffed with that, a chirpy smile resembled in everyone's face except mine. Because I knew that my rotund body was not decent at games. Like the Pythagoras theorem, the vice versa was also true i.e. my fat physique might be resulted because I wasn't good at games.

In the games period, we all assembled on the ground. Then our physical education teacher gave us the balls and other playing equipments to us and left the place. " Playing" was left optional for the students. Most of the girls sought the advantage of this option. And they just gossiped and watched the other boys playing their games.

The boys of my class took the volleyball and went to the volleyball court to play the game. There were 19 boys in our class, and two boys were absent on that day. So with available boys they divided themselves into two groups. Since everyone was old students they went along with their old team members, and all took their position. Six boys stood inside the court and two boys stood outside the court. The two boys standing outside the court were allowed only to serve the ball, while six boys standing inside the court played the game.

I being a new one I was standing there just like an idol and my best friend Syed requested them to give a chance for me to play. With their consent, I went inside the court as a substitute player for another one. The game started, and the opposing team started serving the ball. When the ball came to me for the first time I messed it and cost my team a point.

"Don't do like this, she is watching you"

I said to myself. I was confident to tackle the ball for the second time and save the point for my team. But when the ball came to me, once again I collapsed and so another point lost for my team.

The opposing team marked me as their target and served the ball only towards me, ignoring the other five members.

"The ball is coming near Krishna the baby's butterfingers will slip it this time too,"

One of my team mates yelled when the ball came near me. And as scornfully predicted I cost my team another point.

"I would have tackled the ball had you kept your wide mouth shut" I shouted back but that didn't work out.

My team members got irritated with me and started shouting at me. Few began to yell.

"Who dragged him in? If he continues to remain in our team, then we are 100% to lose our game"

After that they asked me to quit the game.

"Being a basketball player for years, it is really tedious for me to play volleyball; both are just the contrast" I said in a jaunty tone and stalked off the court.

I called myself a "basketball player" because in my school, it was the only court which was not seen anywhere and so saying that would be always safe for me.

But from the inside of my heart, I felt humiliated and embarrassed. I was about to cry. And the worst was that she had been watching the drama unfolding and whispering some comments to her friends (a smile playing on her pretty face all the while). The same thing had been happening to me in the old school, which I studied before, but I had never been bothered. But that night I remained fretful worrying myself sick over the shameful events of that day. I was wide awake that night.

I felt that those were the most painful thing that should not have happened to me. Because I wished, I should always be her hero but on that day all I played was a role of a joker.

THE BIRIYANI CONSEQUENCE:

After seeing the movie until midnight on Sunday, my body felt leaden next morning. My mother brought my morning coffee to me and shook me awake. I rose; during which my mother had kept the coffee and went. I drank the coffee and went back to sleep.

Then a few minutes later my mother came with another cup of coffee and tried to wake me up. I was astir so my mother gave the coffee and went. Keeping the coffee aside I went to sleep once again. After some time, I heard something disturbing my sleep it was my father saying to my mother.

"I think he is going to bunk the class today."

After that I stood up from the bed and saw the time. I was shocked because the time got near to 7.30. I drank the second coffee of that day, which had gone cold during that time.

I thought for a while to bunk my class, but in the following Wednesday, our friends had planned to go to a movie. So if I bunked my class, afterwards it would be difficult for me to go to the movie as I had only one day remaining in my allowable leave of that month. If I didn't watch myself, subsequently I'd have to weather a parent's meeting. So I hurried about the business of toilet and ablutions. Then I took my school bag and lunch bag, and I was about to go,

My mother asked, "Aren't you having your breakfast?"

" It is already getting late. I am a new student. If I go late, then I will be punished as the rules in this school are so strict, my friends said to me" I retorted to my mother.

My mom listened to me and expressed her disappointment,

"Today I have prepared vegetable biriyani, your favourite dish,"

I thought for a while that any way I wouldn't be getting anything to eat that afternoon. I could trust it to my friends to empty my lunch, as soon as I open it, before I could even set my eyes on its contents. So I kept my school bag down and went to take the plate.

Although two glasses of coffee were doing the rounds in my stomach already, my mum's words whet my appetite. My mother questioned,

"Just now you said that if you go late, then you will be punished but what happened now? You have suddenly changed your decision?"

"I am a new student to their school then how will they punish their fresh students? Because they knew that, most probably I won't be familiar with the rules and regulations of their school. Even if they do, they won't kill your son" I replied to my mother nonchalantly with Biriyani in my mouth.

Though I feared of getting punished, I thought that my mother's Biriyani was worthy enough even to get punished because it was that much tasty indeed. My father would even die for it. After eating it, I immediately ran to the bus stop to take the bus to my school.

I was lucky enough that day because I boarded the bus in the nick of time Thanks to the Indian Road Transports because the bus which I took routinely was also late on that day just like me. I was happy that I had reached the school only with a fifteen-minute delay. I prayed to God that the principal should be 'on leave' that day.

No sooner had I finished my prayer; the principal stood there to welcome me with a club in his hand.

"Won't his mother or wife will never make his favourite dish?" I reasoned for he always came to the school at the correct time.

As unexpectedly there was an oasis in my journey. To my surprise, I saw her standing there, as another late came student. I was happy for two things: one was that there was a chance for me to talk to her, and the other was that I escaped from the beatings of the Principal.

She, being a topper in the class, she would be more familiar with the principal. So he wouldn't be willing to punish her and so he wouldn't be beating me too because I might claim against him for discriminating me, if he beats me

A few minutes later the principal grinned and asked why we were late on that day?

I provided the valuable reason.

I said, "Sir, My grandfather got an unexpected heart attack in the morning,"

I was familiar with this kind of situations whenever I was late to the school, I would be saying something like this. If I had been absent the before day then I would have said that my grandfather died the previous day.

She said she was late because her father's scooter got punctured in the middle of their way to the school.

With those reasons, the principal gave us a last siren and warned us, not to repeat the same for another time.

Then we headed towards our class. I called her and said thanks to her,

She asked me "for what?"

I explained my great escape from the Principal because of her presence in the scene.

She nodded her head with a gentle smile and then asked.

"Is your grandpa all right now?"

I told her "I haven't even seen him, as he was dead before I was born"

This time, all of a sudden she burst out laughing.

Then we entered in our class. I went and sat in my place.

I looked at my palms. And I thought if she had come late in the previous Monday, my palms would have escaped of being smacked by the principal's stick. I was running late during that day also, because my mother prepared 'pepper roast' which was another favourite of me.

In the evening, I went to the home and angrily asserted to my mother.

"I was late because you delayed my breakfast,"

"Liar, you woke at 7.30, and you delayed yourself. And at last I was the one to deserve all your faults" my mother chided.

A short quarrel arose between me and my mother,

And my mother at last told, "See, tomorrow I am going to wake you early at 5'o clock."

Hearing this was jaded to me. During the evening time, when I quarrel, she would say this to me. In the night when half of her anger had gone, she would make me sleep early, thinking to wake me up in good time in the morning. But in the morning when she sees me sleeping, her one heart wouldn't be sufficient to disturb my peaceful sleep.

THE EPIDEMIC:

One month later everyone asked about my grades I had got in my previous school.

I said to them "I always remained in the toppers list."

Which is indeed the truth, but only a few believed. And even those who believed asserted that,

"Even if it is true then he would be only on the average students list, because his old school is comparatively a low standard school to us."

I decided that I should study well and get good marks to prove myself. In our first monthly test, my rank was on the average while she and my Syed were in the top five ranks.

Three months went, then that was the time for the brightest students to crown themselves by eclipsing the brighter students while that was the time for the rest to stock up on aspirins and fever injections. It was the time of the beginning of our quarterly examinations.

The exams began opposing our wish. According to our teachers, we were allotted places in such a way that it would be tough for us to copy others' papers. One boy and one girl shared a bench, and they were asked to sit on the edge of a bench on either side.

The teachers had been teaching us for these years, but still they were foolish enough to forget the universal truth that.

"Always opposite poles attract each other."

Even the U.N.O member election wouldn't have contained these many strict rules which our school imposed. They warned us,

"Those who are caught copying would be immediately chucked out of their exam halls and severely punished. Moreover, their action would be bruited to everyone including their parents."

They thought, for us getting caught for cribbing someone's paper was a matter of disgrace. But for us, it was something like adding feathers to our school's outstanding performances.

I really owe a bunch of thanks to those who framed that kind of layout as luckily she was sitting on my bench. But what to do there was no use in it. Whenever I looked at her, as if thinking an answer, I saw a spark of fire in the invigilator's eyes, which could even make a volcano eruption to shut.

It was my friend Ram, who asked me an answer for a question when I said, "I don't know" he compelled me to ask the answer with her.

So I called out her name for three times she didn't respond to anything. I called out for another time. And when the teacher went out I fluttered my hands in the air in a gesture (like a forlorn ship wrecked soldier asking for "SOS" on seeing some helicopter flying around him). She then looked at me casually and continued writing job by putting her head down, ignoring me.

At that time, I hated her and thought why she was so much presumptuous? Because in my old school compared to boys, girls helped me the most in the exams.

Then for the remaining exams I never turned over to see her. During those times I owned self-respect, which I always governed the most perhaps, her gaze shattered those as the years went.

A few weeks later after we had finished the exam our teachers started to distribute the papers. After that they assessed our marks and gave us the progress cards. I got 10th rank while she and Syed were in the top five ranks, but I was joyous that I proved myself. Other friends accepted that I might have been a topper in my old school

Few students, especially those, who got their ranks after mine, were angry with me because they would have got one rank ahead if I haven't joined in their school.

I wished I should surpass her rank at least once, to teach a lesson to her arrogance. So I started studying hard that in the every exam, I got an increased progress in my report card.

JOKES AND TEARS:

That day, our class was just like a market place everyone was shouting and playing inside the class. Suddenly, the principal came. He was angry as the rules and regulations of the school were greatly spoiled. He called the class monitor. She stood up. He scolded her for maintaining the class like that.

He saw our last bench students laughing silently by putting our heads down. Though a part of our minds advised us to stop laughing and give a serious blue face, the essence of the joke still remained made us laugh uncontrollably. The secretion of the laughing hormones doubled on seeing his comical serious face, when he called us. All my friends repressed their smiles but I could not. It was considered as an offense. Some things in the school were always different. They would beat us if we laugh, and if he couldn't (For He is always on logger heads with his wife, he gets beatings from his wife's broomstick, which he dare to repay her; so later, he repays it to us. My friends told me to console my pain during the previous time we caught for laughing). The principal called each one of us and smashed our palms. We were sure that if we had told the same joke to the Principal, then he would have rolled on the floor and laughed.

After he went, we again laughed because for us, those kinds of things were not the first time. We mocked each other and boasted ourselves, of how we over reacted and escaped from the further beatings.   
Then we poured all our vulgar words, which were always an important constituent of our education in different standards, towards the Principal. I was decent that I hadn't dragged his family importantly his wife into this like my friends. We frolicked repeatedly.   
We heard a loud sobbing sound, we wondered who was the black sheep among us and checked each other's face. Then we caught the sound had been coming from the girls' side.

Yes!!! She sobbed after a few moments. We all were mouth shut after seeing that. We had got the beatings, and we were enjoying, but she just got scolded and crying for that even. By crying for this silly reason she not only made us to abash but also dumped the whole students' respect and will into the drainage.

CHOCOLATE WRAPPERS AND THE DETECTIVE:

Soon after some days being spent in my school many became accustomed to me. By the means of colloquial talks, I gathered some information about her as much as possible. I came to know that she was a Tailor's daughter.  
After some time, I asked with some other friends the place where she hailed from. However, as my friends began to doubt about me, I changed my topic and showed myself as if having less interest towards those matters. It then became a hard task to know about the details of her.   
As few days went, I befriended Vasanth. He was a nice and innocent guy, but that was not the mere reason why I befriended him. In our class, it seemed that he was the one, who knew more details about her, and moreover he was a loose talker both were some kind of an advantage.  
Then I started to treat him with the chocolates in the canteen because while eating my chocolates, he would also be puking some rare details about her and her family simultaneously.   
I came to know that she actually lives in a street next to the Vasanth's street, and her father used to drop her and pick her in the school daily.   
Vasanth in the middle when the chocolate I bought for him ends, he would immediately question me.   
" Why are you asking this? Now"  
To shut his mouth, I always carried an extra chocolate shoved in my pocket.  
After that one day, I followed her to our school gate, which was a coincidence and not a planned incident. I saw her father waiting for her with his scooter. I was happy that some of the chocolates I bought for Vasanth were worthy of it. So I went home with a little satisfaction.   
On that day, my mother counted the money she had put in the savings' box from which me and my father usually took the money for the bus fare. She at last found out that some money was going out somewhere in the holes, which were present other than in the savings' box. When she asked about that, first I tried to manage it with my father, but I could not. She knew that my father was taking money from that box for the past 15 years and there had never been that much shortage in my mother's treasury, until my new magical hands were introduced to it.   
My mother was one of the best detectors in the world. I found out on that day. With the chocolate wrappers found in my bag, she correctly deduced that it was my hands, which were doing that magic. I had a habit of saving the chocolate wrappers, which I used to buy, in my bag. In the end, this habit contributed the evidence in my case.   
Then she questioned me what I was really doing with the money. As soon as she asked me, I gave her a charming look and said.  
" I am buying chocolates to one of my friends to know the details of a girl. In order to make her as your daughter in law"   
My mother laughed and told me that.  
"If it's so from tomorrow ask your mother in law for your expenses. And never drop your hand in this coin box."  
I said to my mother the truth but all she thought was that I was just kidding with her. Some innocent women like my mother were precisely like this. They might be the best investigators, but sometimes they believe the lies and ignore the truth. So it was always an easy go.  
"Just tell the truth and escape rather to lie and being caught." I used that chance and said.   
"I have to buy some notebooks so, give the money tomorrow. After my engagement, you can subtract this money (with the interest) from the dowry which my mother in law is going to afford to you"   
I always used to tell the truth but only when I am assured that nothing is going to affect me after I said. And during the other times I wouldn't lie, but I would flannel and say something irrelevant to truth.   
With my chivalrous words, I got an extra thirty rupees, and I saved it into my pocket. And one day I sacrificed that thirty rupees and extracted the details that she was good in literature, and she had a mania for the literature. As soon I heard that; that mania transferred to me. I too started to love the literature. For all those days I hated that most, mainly because of the grammar which was stressed to us for good English. Even English men wouldn't care much about that.  
After some days, I left treating him with the chocolates because he started lying to me. I found it because I could conjecture rightly whether a person was lying to me or not. That may be because "one liar knows another liar." I think this axiom exists in the list of proverbs if not, and then it is worthy enough to be included in the proverb's lists.

IN THE JOURNEY:

Then one day I went to the canteen with my friend Ram. I actually accompanied him. He bought some puffs and asked me.

"Do you want anything?"

Most would just ask for a formality, especially at the times when our pockets were empty, but he wasn't like that he compelled me to eat. But to remain as a gentleman, I replied no to his offer, as we were not that much familiar yet. But what to do friendship never tires in breaking those barricades. By the time he once again compelled me, half of the puffs had already gone inside of my tummy.

Hope God! He didn't think.

"I should have asked him, at least shouldn't have compelled him..."

Since, he had only a quarter of what he had bought left out to eat.

As I turned I saw her approaching to the canteen with her friends. She came near us; but ignoring us. She and her friends bought one chocolate each, after looking at all those six flavours. Most were very talented like that. They would choose the best only after looking at all the available options. But then after sometimes they regret and incur themselves with the bewilderment that.

"Have I missed the best?"

I had been buying the chocolates for six weeks. But that was the first day I actually noticed those flavours because most of them were bought not to be eaten by me. Yet I could take the pride that at least I hadn't troubled the shop keeper.

I understood that she was the one looking for the best among the available ones. So I decided to do my best in order to impress her and be her best.

Sometimes when we missed our bus which we routinely took for our home, I and Syed would go to a small Pani Puri barrow. And we would eat something for our stomach and the remaining of the money that we had left after spending. I and Syed spent the money for the both in alternative days, but mostly he paid me a lot, because some days, I would have spent all my money in the canteen itself. Sometimes we purposely came late from the school such that we missed our bus, and we didn't miss our Pani Puri. In a similar kind of day when we were standing near the barrow, she came to the bus stop. I was shocked because it was tangibly she who came over that place, as she was a rich queen, who always came only by her father's luxurious scooter.

I understood that either her father or his scooter must be under repair. Then she took the bus that went to the other place, in the opposite of the road where our bus stopped. Our bus headed from North to South while the bus she took went in the opposite direction.

During that time I was standing there still, waiting for my bus, oblivious of other things. If that happened now then I will also have taken the same bus she took and I will have travelled with her irrespective of the distance the bus covers and the place it destines.

GRAND OPERA:

That day was the teachers' day. I went on time to the school because in that day no regular classes would be conducted. All the teachers would be busy in greeting themselves and enjoying their day.

She came to the class. I saw the whole class become lively as soon as she entered the class, like the crowd getting lively while a chief guest enters the function after the delay.

There was a huge discussion on what to be done in those leisure hours, after that they came to a conclusion. She said that she would be arranging something newer. And at last she organized a game to be played in our class. She started the game of singing competition between the boys and girls. According to that game, every team member had to begin a song with the last letter by which the opponent had ended the song.

This game, which she boasted to be novel, had existed since from the days of our grandma's grandma periods. Though I loved her she was none an exception to a normal girl, it was the nature of the girls. They think themselves of doing something new and great and at last end up with something old and boring, which had been in existence for years.

Though many boys suggested some other interesting games, as usual boys' hearts only wished to support the opposite community than their own. It was the nature of boys.

So we had no option other than playing that old game because it was better than sitting idle. As she started singing, I really admired. Not on the way she sang, but I wondered

"How could she know these much songs?"

After a few minutes the other girls started to sing as if they really belonged to some great musical ethnicity. This musical flow caused continuous blood flow in our boys' ears.

"We should record those songs they sing and should replay it to them. Then at least they would realise the greatest sin they were committing..." we discussed with each other.

And the competition went on. Other boys of my class, who were little close to her because of the acquaintance over the past years of being studied in the same school, sung against her i.e. against the girls' team.

As they sang, I realised that other than humans I was also having some donkeys as my friends because their voices were impeccable in comparison with a donkey's bray.

I sat in one of the corners of the benches and watched others singing the songs. Though I knew many songs I kept quiet because of shyness. At the end of the game as usual girls won, like every time we denied that, cheated and proclaimed ourselves as the winners.

CHEERFUL AIMS:

In my school days my only aim was to get good marks. So I always concentrated on my studies even then, I still sometimes wished to talk with her, see her and become a friend to her. But I gave very less importance to those things as I was in getting good marks.

I sometimes regret why I have been so foolish and yearned for those little things to happen while ignoring the gift of being near her. I could now realise that I have actually missed some diamonds while I was busy in collecting the stones.

Mostly we regret ourselves when we think that why we were once so much stupid? And why did we think those silly things as the most important and longed for some little things to happen. But we always forget that, during that time those were the things we wanted the most.

During that time all I wished was to get a second rank badge at least once. So that I could carry it, near my heart flaunting myself and displaying the capacity of my brain. It mattered so much to a nerd, especially to a school one.

But the fact was that Syed and she coveted much for this second rank badge more than me. So I am cheering for what I had wished for that day, because in our human lives in everyday the previous days would appear better.

And this was the only thought that kept me away from her during that time.

Who knows I might someday regret for loving her this much. But I hope this wouldn't happen because our thought to live happily never changes in spite of the ages we attain and the years we live.

JUDGEMENT DAY:

That day was said to be our judgement day... judgment of all the mischievous and naughty things we had done so far. It was parents and teacher's meeting day. For me, that month didn't hold much except that I was caught once in copying other's papers and late coming for four or five days. But those were more than enough for my teachers; they could even make my photograph to be pasted on the most wanted terrorist list with the things they had gotten.

I was much more worried that the day actually fell on one of my father's working day. If it had been my father, he would simply listen to the laments of my teacher. Then he would them forget, there itself. Finally, we would be reaching home with an ice-cream. On the other hand, my mother would be asking everything voluntarily from my teacher even she intends to say a little...

In that day, every student feared that all the teachers only by using their words would be telecasting the movie which they had filmed with their eyes. We were afraid because that movie had comprised all our mischievous and corrupt actions we had made up to that day.

I asked my mother to come as late as possible because I knew teachers would be too tired of lamenting all the students to their parents. So I could end this meeting with the less trouble. We all said to one another that.

"Today in our home we are going to get various critics and scolding for the movie, which we played in the lead and supporting roles"

But on that what happened was something different. The release of our films by our teachers was dumped as they were busy with releasing their blockbuster of our friend Pradeep.

The first half of the film was full of romance, and second half was fully filled with action sequences lively performed by his father....

The script of the film was:

He had actually proposed to a girl in our class whom he loved. As soon as he proposed she ran to the staff room as fast as if she was running the 100 m in the Olympics. And after seeing her running, our teachers had decided to give the gold medal to Pradeep because he was the one who caused her to run...

In that day of parents meeting when his father came to know about this, he started to beat him immediately in front of everyone. And after a few minutes to our awaiting eyes, the interesting sequence began. His father and her father started to quarrel with each other.

As all the theatres were busy enough to run this movie, our movies went out of theatre, mainly because audience shortage...

This incident caused fear in every boy's mind to love a girl... especially the girls who had gotten prizes in the running competition. We actually wondered what the mistake Pradeep had really done. Her father was very much anger towards him. Had he really raped his daughter?

On the next day Pradeep came to the school. After that incident he was afraid even to look at her... for he would have thought about the large fist of his father. But we incited him to see her saying that

"We think she is casting her sweet eyes towards you because girls sympathise very much. And it seems that she was really impressed, and heart touched when you sacrificed yourself in getting beatings from your father..."

"Really!!!" He asked with a bliss full face... and started to gaze at her.

What we expected had happened, and we were happy. The reason was twofold. One was that we did a good thing by joining a loving pair. The other was that we had escaped the subsequent parents' meeting also. We got assured that next time the sequel of Pradeep's last film would occupy all the theatres. Moreover, the mothers would also support the role of the villains in that sequel...

" If hundreds are not going to suffer, then it didn't matter that one is going to suffer. If it was made sure that we were one in the hundreds"

THE NEXT STEP:

And one day I discussed everything with Syed, everything that's how some shades of love fell on me.

After hearing this, he said to me.

" These were the attraction we normally get during this time. Don't yield yourself to such like thoughts. If you do so, then your studies will be spoiled, and your result may turn out to be worst"

He advised and warned me. Though I and Syed were envious of each other's marks we always wished that.

"He should good very good marks, and I should get at least one mark higher than him,"

Our thoughts were selfish but at the same time it was harmless, and sometimes it was more needed for each other's progress. So I completely brushed aside the thoughts about her and yielded myself in getting good marks in the exam. During that time, it was a very easy task for my juvenile and immature heart.

A year went, after our ninth standard holidays, we entered our tenth standard. I enjoyed my holidays so blissfully. At times, most of our school friends went to the common ground and played cricket together. To everyone's surprise I even hit a sixer and took some incredible catches. They hadn't allowed me to bowl if they had, then I would have also taken some wickets...

I and Syed often ate in each other's houses; we went to both temples and mosques. We went to the movies and returned home with empty pockets. As a whole we never forgot to decorate those days with our normal activities. Because of which they would always appear glamorous in all our minds when we think of these good old days

AT THE SIXTEENTH AGE:

We first went to the English tuition with the intention of getting good marks in the exam. However, in the Sundays what we have actually been something different. We would be going as early as possible to the tuition and we played cricket on the nearby ground of our English Mam's house. And I hated this much because most of the times when we played cricket I stood only as an umpire to their game.

Our English madam in fact motivated us to study. She believed that I had some skills that would make some wonder if I could seriously use them in a right way. She often said this to me.

One of our friends said to us that he loves a girl, and he would even give his life to her. After he told that we watched his grades dropping from A to B then to C...may be up to Z if it had existed. And the most shocking about that was he too loved the same person, whom I loved and pretended as if not loving any girl, during that time.

When our English madam came to know about that, she advised us.

"Everyone during the age of 16 will definitely have to cross the barricade of love in their path. Everyone will be having some impression or attraction towards someone... but they are just illusions in your path. It will vanish after you attain some age so never get dragged by it. They are mirages when you go near them, you will be realising that they are nothing. With your tender hearts, it is difficult to differentiate between the infatuation and true love. Just concentrate on your dreams and first try to attain them. If your impression or infatuation is a true love, then you will be wishing to attain them even after your dreams are realised. So give the preference to your dreams "

I felt what she said was 100% true.

During the age of 16, "Does our heart, which had been obstinate about years to fall in love, was violently being taken by someone's hand at last? Alternatively, does our heart have been waiting for these years for the best one to give itself voluntarily into others' hands? We couldn't feel either of this happening because when this happens our heart wouldn't be available with us"

IN THE TALE OF LIFE:

In those days, every student of our class feared to love someone. That was because of the fear which was created for us by our parents and teachers. We were given the thought that loving someone was a sin. And this fear given to us like a red signal prohibited our love trains to move ahead. Before we came to know about the true meaning of love we were advised not to fall in love with anyone at any time. And that was the free advice everyone wished to give us, by telling their love stories (most, which would resemble close to some of the super hit love stories of that time) they warned us not to taste the wine of love by any chance.

It was because most of them had already experienced and read their love stories. In everyone's tale of life, which they start to write right from the day they had born, contains a page prewritten by some. After reading that page named "love," few lucky ones get the same person to write their entire other left out pages. Most complete their tales by some other to write the left out pages, while others leave their tale unfinished.

Our teachers and parents, who hold their place in one among these first two, preferred us not to fall in love. Since they were afraid that some of our tales might also end unfinished.

COUNT DOWN:

In our school days, the only thing we were much awaiting for was the public exam. Our preparations for the exam reached the peak when we started to count the days of our exam. While most of us were busy in reading our subjects, there were a few who really enjoyed their days at our school.

I and Syed were so serious that we even refused to remember a phone number. We said to each other that the memory element in our brain used to store the phone number could be utilised to save an answer for our one mark question.

SAVING THE MIDNIGHT OIL:

The exam, which we had been expecting for all these days had, came at last. Everyone was busy in studying their subjects. I still wonder how my study holidays went so fast that I might have watched only one or two films a day.

However, we were happy for one thing regarding the public exams that our teachers wouldn't be evaluating our exam papers. For they always gave us least marks. It might because their bank balance came down for each mark, they provided to us.

Then that DAY was the last study holiday of ours, i.e. our exams were going to begin the next day. On that day, I started studying in the morning 10'o clock. I studied up to 12'o clock in the afternoon. Then I thought of relaxing myself for a few minutes, so I switched on the television. I saw my most favourite film had been telecasted. Even the trailer of which had never been telecasted before that day.

I kept on seeing that film saying to myself.

"I will study after ten minutes,"

The ten minutes time continued, and at last I saw the whole film, which ended only at 3'o clock. First of all, every TV station should be warned not to telecast new or popular movies during the exam times of the students. Because of which, most of the students failed to study their subjects by watching the films by saying, "just for ten minutes," exactly like me.

Then I went asleep because of the tiredness of watching the film continuously. I woke at 5'0 clock and again started studying up to 6'o clock.

Another time I switched on the T.V. with the thought that

"I will switch it off within 5 minutes"

The next was the India- Pakistan cricket match. And Indian players played their games awesome as never before. It was impossible to quit the match in the intermediate because every over contained at least one sixer, four or a wicket. I watched T.V. even after the match ended.

After that I went to eat. My mother's dinner made me to doze in my study table itself. Then I again woke at 10'o clock. I saw the light in the Syed's house still glowing,

I warned myself that

"Hey Syed is studying still now,"

Then I was wide awake until 12'o clock with a book in my hand, but I hadn't studied anything. I kept the alarm at 4'o clock and snoozing that for five minutes again and again I finally woke up at 6'o clock. I was much afraid that I hadn't studied anything, with this fear, I entered the exam hall. As I received the question paper, I saw the questions which I have left out had been asked as the detail questions. And the questions that I studied thoroughly by expectation had been asked only for the brief answers and for the one mark answers.

So I decided myself to write my own stories. I fathomed that great story writers, and script writers would have begun their writing only in the exam halls. It must be the womb for their thoughts and imaginations. In that serene place when we see everyone writing we would also wish to write something, though we didn't have anything in our mind.

As I started writing I went to the soporific mood and soon after some time I felt like sleeping. I couldn't control what my hands were really writing. I checked my paper twice to ensure that I hadn't written the story of the film, which I saw on that previous day.

And when the bell rang the examiner grabbed my answer papers while I was only half finished with my answers.

WITH FLOWN OUT COLOURS:

Though I knew I had written my exams partially well;

I said to everyone, who asked, "How much percentage do you expect?" with "above 90%."

And mostly everyone, who heard this, believed me. And one among them was my father, he believed my words, and he was confident on my percentage.

During my tenth standard holidays the only thing, which I was worried about, was my results. All my thoughts were surrounded in getting good percentage and to be in the toppers list of my class. In those days, I suppose I never yearned for her. I suppose I at no time thought whether I would meet her or not. I never thought of missing her. I believe I on no account used her name in my prayers to the God. Yes in those days I never loved her; I suppose I might have had some little infatuation towards her...

However, now I could never find out that, in those days whether I really loved her or not. When we see things after wearing green spectacles in front of our eyes, all the things, which we see, appears accomplished with a green coloured shade.

Likewise, at this moment in time with my heart full of love towards her when I look back on those past days, in which she was near me, all those days appear to be accomplished with a shade of my love. I feel like I had been holding the same love towards her on those days, which is same like now. But I clearly knew that what I had felt on those days been something different from now what I conclude to be felt by me.

Yet I could substantiate one thing to myself, i.e., If she didn't come into my path after my tenth standard, I am sure that I would not have been in love with her by now. She might never have deserved the importance in my heart if she had gone with the shade of infatuation. This beautiful feeling might have happened to me with some other girl. Nevertheless, what to do even fate couldn't control some inevitable things.

The moment of my tenth result arrived; my father was eager on the result; at last, it disappointed him very much. All I got was a very less percentage than everyone expected. I knew that I hadn't done my exams well but that wasn't the percentage I really expected. My tenth result proved to me as a great disaster. My result boat stayed in the border of 80s while hers and Syed's boat crossed the 90s.

The other thing that depressed me was my English marks; that was the worst of all the marks I have got. I felt ashamed to see my English Mam straight to her face. Because she often said to me that,

"You are my favourite student. I expect that you will be a top rank holder in my subject"

But the marks I had got were not the marks, which a favourite student would get.

So I didn't go to my old school since I was afraid that my English teacher might be waiting there to present me her compliments for the marks I have scored. I received the news from my friends that actually, my girl was the one who topped in the literature. She was group leader in the physics but how could she get the top marks in the literature? Though gloomy as it was, a small consolation was that Syed too got fewer marks in English.

WRONG TURN:

Then after our tenth results, I and Syed wished to join in another school that was near our old school. Our old school was not that much standardized as like the new school for the 12th standard. At that time, the apple of our eye was our 12th standard and getting good marks in 12th standard was a great pride to us and as well as to our family. Though we received some decent as well as bad comments on the school from the passed out students, we determined to join the new school. After analysing various details we received; we were a lot capitulated by the policy of 'Shuffling' adopted in the new school. We were not considerably clear about the policy, in fragments all we know about the policy was that a special care was provided to each, and every student based upon their abilities.

I and Syed with our mothers went to enrol our names to the new school and pay the admission fees. As I went near the counter wonderment filled my eyes. I saw her standing beside her father in the girl's queue, and she saw me and gave me a peaceful smile as if welcoming his old friend.

I went there to explain those to Syed, I saw him speaking with another friend of us. Then we came to know that most of the friends of us who got above 70% in our tenth standard had the similar thoughts just like us. And most of them already joined in that new school. I and Syed were extremely joyous because we had got our friends all together, as well as we had got a better platform to accomplish our dreams.

COMPLIMENTS OF SHUFFLING:

Then after joining in the new school, I and Syed as usual went to the bus stand. We went together for the first day of our school. We entered the school and waited in the common place where most of the other students and our previous school friends had been waiting. Few minutes later the teachers from that school came and started discussing the rules and regulations of that school. And they gave us the instructions to be followed in that school, hearing those we all felt one thing in common that

"We shouldn't have left our old school."

We understood the real worth of our old school after we left it and joined in the new school that shortly appeared to us like the "Military camp." And for me something more disaster had been waiting for me. The asserted to us the policy of "shuffling", which we had been expecting much, with thought, would be more fruitful to us. We reckoned why some of the students who passed out of the school called our new school as a 'jail'.

A teacher came and explained about the "shuffling." It was after hearing such like policies. We really wished to join this school. We thought shuffling would be some great policy until a teacher came and announced,

"According to the "shuffling," the students will be, first categorised into separate sections. And they will attend the classes that will be held in their particular sections in a different manner. And with the availability of 160 students, the students are now categorised into four sections each containing 40 students. The section A will be containing the top-grade holders followed by B and C. While D section will be containing the least grade holders. The A section student will deserve all the facilities such as only the best teachers will be provided to them. On the other hand, the more care will be provided for the D section students such that they had to study at the school itself for up to night 7'o clock. Now the students are categorised based on their tenth marks and they will be shuffled to the other sections based upon the marks they will be getting in the upcoming exams"

We listened to those with our mind full of abhorrence. And I doubted that in shuffling I would fall on some other sections other than the section, she and Syed would fall. We should not doubt whether some bad things might happen, if we do, then they would just happen.

As I doubted, the same thing happened. I went to C section while she, and Syed went to the B section. First, I hated that class very much but after entering the class, I found many beautiful girls in my section. So shuffling didn't affect me much. That was furthermore, a happy thing to have your loved one in the nearby section while many other beautiful girls were in your section. And moreover, in my class I also had some other old friends in my class who would dance to my tunes.

MA, I FORGOT SOMETHING:

After entering that school my aim of getting good marks in my twelfth standard vanished on seeing most of the students who had gotten very high marks in their tenth standard. And I believed it would be hard for me to beat them with my marks. When we become aware that we aren't going to win the race then all we will wish to be to walk instead of running.

Moreover, I wished not to study anything in my eleventh standard, in order to take a rest after writing the tenth public exam and before writing the twelfth public exam. And these thoughts of mine ruined me. I was flunked in the very first exam but there were two reasons. One was that I hadn't really studied well in the exams. And the other was that the pass mark in my new school was 60%. Even thinking of that cumbersome pass percentage would cause fainting in the examination hall.

When I came to know that she and Syed had also flunked I felt as if my wounded heart had at last been treated by a beautiful nurse.

After that we all feared of getting the progress signed by our parents as we were new arrivals to the list of failures. So I made an idea. And as per the idea I got ready at 8'o clock: The exact time to go for the bus even a one minute's delay would make me bunk my class. Then I first rushed to the bus stop from my home. Half way I turned back and rushed again to my home as if I had forgotten to get the signature in the progress card... I went shouting.

"Ma, I forget to get the signature" my father rushed to take the pen.

I took the progress card out of my bag all in a bustle exactly showcasing the urgency for which my mother had to give an immediate attention. Then I showed my report card to my mother. When my mother was about to put the signature, her eyes suddenly fell on the grade. So I shouted.

"Hurry, hurry it is already getting late."

And I put down my hands over the F grade marked with a red ink as if holding the report card.

So she signed without seeing the grades on it. And as a continuation of the play I once again rushed with extreme speed and great relief.

In that following night though I incessantly spoke with my mother about the other topics, she was keen on my report card. As soon as she asked, "what grade have you got?"

"This time I got only B grade, today you saw while you were signing, didn't you?" I asked.

She asked, "I didn't. Why have your grades dropped?"

"Ma what do you think of this school? Even getting pass marks in this school is difficult. Be proud that your son has passed. Don't covet much" I told her sagely.

Then after a few petty arguments I manoeuvred the plane of conversation in a different direction.

But Syed has been always loyal to his mother. He said about his F grade to his mother, but that wouldn't have been a problem had he not mentioned my getting the same shameful grade.

Like us, our mothers were also close friends. They always gossiped their life stories (starting from the day they were born) because of those my mother came to know my grade at last.

In that day, I came to my house and shouted.

"Today the Chapattis you have kept for my lunch are not sufficient. I am so hungry. Do you have anything to eat?"

My mother's face turned red.

"Let us see that later, what grade you have got this time?" She asked.

"How many times have I to repeat the same answer for this question" I grinned in mock disappointment and said, "B- grade"

"But Syed said to his mother that you too have got F grade."

She asked looking into my eyes, while my father regarded me with suspicious eyes.

"I really forgot to tell you. On that day Syed got flunked, while I got passed. He was so unhappy and requested me that he would say I too got flunked in so beseeching a voice I couldn't help but acquiesce. So that it would be easy for him to manage his mother. And convince her that getting pass marks in our school was so tough."

Though she believed this, her eyes indicated that there still lingered some doubts.

"Today's Chapattis you made for my lunch was so fantastic. The opulence in its taste could scarce satisfy my hunger. Do have them now?" I asked and approached the kitchen room.

My father whose doubts bordered on suspicion earlier would have become unchangeable convictions. My mother would have kept the same Chapattis for his lunch also. I dare say the notorious taste still stuck his tongue.

I do such things to remove myself from sticky situations. I often lied to my mother because we both liked the lies, I used to say her. Some days later my parents would be laughing at the puerile lies I had told them. So I always liked lie (harmless lies they were though), because I didn't want our (my) happiness to be spoiled by a silly truth.

During those days, the life we lived within those walls was just like this, we lived every moment in blithe contentment. My parents were my world and like the moon that is inseparable with the earth my thoughts always revolved around them. That was until the day she came into my dreams.

AS IN LOVE AS NEVER BEFORE:

The next week was full of fun and frolic. With the new friends I got in that new school and with my old friends we bunked the class and went to a movie. On that day I saw one of the romantic movies, which left a complete impact on me. After I came home, I went to sleep early in the night.

"As you were afraid of seeing her gaze

You came at night, when the whole world is asleep

In order to see how beautiful she really was

With the one sided love towards her

For some days you emaciated

And for some days you grew

For all these days, you thought someday she will be yours

But now I am sorry to say, that the one you loved

Is going to get married to another,

Who loves her more than you do

With the breath that has kissed your girl's heart

I am sending you my first marriage invitation

Come there with your friends! Hide yourself in the huge crowd

And bless us while we walk down the aisle",

When I said this stretching my hands straight at the moon, she suddenly came near me, stroked my hair as gently as my mother, kissed on my cheeks then went...

At last as usual when my mother shouted

"Wake up, Krishna it is already late"

I found that all those were just dreams. I hurt myself like the other ordinary lovers for the human inability to give life to their dreams...

And that day I went to the school with myself feeling something different from what I have been these days. I felt that I had gone crazy yet I wished that craziness was not enough for me to love. When I realised my longing for her, I just laughed at the things for which I had longed before.

I went and sat in my class I saw her coming. As she entered the class I saw her straight into her eyes, she saw me and gave me a chivalrous smile in her face. I thought for while whether she too would have got the same dream as like mine. I thought this for the whole day, from that day I realised I had fallen in love for her as never before.

I realised for all these days my subconscious mind was: always thinking about her, speaking about her and loving her. But my mind was busy enough to lend ears to it. When my subconscious mind explained her importance through dreams, my mind realised its yearning for her, which had been concealed since from the day it saw her.

If everyone who loves someone thinks of the day they had realised that they have fallen in love for. Then it would be surely the day, in which they had their loved ones in their dreams for the first time in their life.

That was the day I realised myself that a part of mine loves her dearly even without my knowledge. The true love for her was hidden in my heart by the false shadows of lies, which I said to myself for the sake of my vicinity. At last it was recognised by me, when my dream had thrown its lights over them.

I felt that feeling was something different, totally different from the attraction, infatuation, etc....which could never be experienced with anyone other than her. One may be first attracted by thousands, hundreds may infatuate but when it comes to love it is always one. Love is so damn thing that it always gives permission for only one soul to exist in our heart by saying its name.

A LUCKY CHANCE:

One day in the chemistry lab after doing our experiments, I went near the place where the concentrated Sulphuric acid and Hydrochloric acid were placed. We were advised that they were hazardous acids and we should not keep ourselves near them. But whenever we got chances we tested whether what they had said was true or not by throwing papers or small wooden pieces over them.

I saw no one was around there so I decided to use that chance. And I opened the book, which was kept in the side of that table, to tear a piece of paper from it. My eye balls bulged out at that moment because that book's first page contained her beautiful name.

"Haven't the pen asked her to show him the creator of the world's most beautiful poem? While, she wrote her name; if it had asked then how could she have shown God to it?" I thought a poem at that moment.

"You stupid, the poem is old, jaded and faded "I said to myself.

And I took the book to my home. I read that book till the night that even my mother wondered.

" If I were given all her books then I would have been the state first rank holder" I thought to myself.

I rehearsed many times in my mind, the things I had to speak while returning the book to her.

In the next morning I took the book and went near her and said

"Here is your book that you left in the lab"

"Thank you very much. I searched for it for the past two days" by looking straight into my eyes she answered to me and went away.

That was the day I realised "How coward I was really?"I thought of inducing a conversation with the book, but I failed. I scolded myself for being like that and wondered how I went speechless for the first time when our eyes clashed one another.

"At the very moment I saw her eyes, I felt like

Falling deep into the well named her eyes

How deep is it really, I went on falling

But I never could see its bottom,

The only thing I could imagine Is that

The depth of her eye well is unimaginable

I know like was the love

One goes on falling but could never see its depth

Being like this how could I say?

That I have fallen in love

All I could say is that I am falling in love

At the moment right now and up to the moment

I could see the depth of her eyes and my love as well......"

Yes I might refuse to concede that I love her but I could never refuse that I was falling in love. Though I believed I could stop this at some moment; I wished not to.

AUTOPSY BY CUPID'S ARROW:

Three months later we finished our quarterly examinations. In the morning while I was watching the cartoon channel, my mom pestered me continuously about the report card.

And I said to her "They haven't even given half of our papers then how can they give our report card?"

My mother asked "Syed have shown his report card to his mother. You are in the same school then how you only are not getting your report card?"

"Same school, same class, but different section, our teachers is too lazy to prepare the report card..." I told her, then

I took my bag and said my mom "Today I have to go early to the class"

To escape from my mother's investigation I had to miss my favourite cartoon that day.

After that, I daily had to miss them because at least once in the morning she would be asking about my report card. The fact was that I was the first one to submit my report on the next day of the day they provided the report card. They asked us to get the signature from our parents. I wished not to trouble them so I signed an impeccable signature of my mother right below my red-marked F grade.

From that day I started to go to my class as early as possible. One such day after going early to the class I had no other thing to do. I thought for a while and as usual I went to the corridor of my school. The wall in the corridor of our school contained many large windows lined with steel rods with 3 to 4 inch gap in between each of them. From which one could see the people coming to my school from a distance.

In those days I liked those things very much. When the rays of the sun would be slowly trying to touch the corridor, I would be standing there in an agony for its cunnings to forget me. Then it would please me by making my skin feel its essence before it falls on the floor.

Then I would be simply watching: the children playing in a nearby house; wives busy in making their husband to get ready for their office; mothers and fathers buying chocolates and other stationeries for their school going kids in the nearby by shops.

On such like a day I wondered about my heartily rose, which blossomed when her gaze fell on it like the rays of the Sun. I feared that it would wilt and wither if I fail to water it with the thoughts of her. My eyes began to visualise her through my imaginations.

Then I was startled on seeing her walking over there.

I felt tears running inside of my eyes. That was the first time my love was just stirring my soul. I was standing there still. I could not move an inch. On that minute all my nerves, bones, every cell every DNA and every RNA were subjected to autopsy by the Cupid's little arrow for which they readily have sacrificed their lives for minutes. Yet my soul stood alive feeling the pain.

She got upstairs suddenly. My corpse standing there, still, was unaware of what was going around until it regained its life by drinking the elixir offered by her gaze.

She saw me and asked, "Why have you come, so early today?"

Though my heart whispered "for you" as inside, my lips just said

"I like coming early"

She smiled and said nice! Then she followed her way to her class.

I felt, how could she walk such a carefree walk? Didn't her really aware that a soul was dying here to hold her arms while she walk. How could she be asserting only a few words? While my life was waiting to hear all those words she could talk. Couldn't she feel the lovely words said by my silent eyes? Why should she pretend as if she hadn't noticed anything? Was it my innocence that asks these questions or her cunningness that refuses to answer them?

Was this love arisen because of her beauty? Firmly and concretely No would be the answer to this question. In my school I had many girls more beautiful than her. If beauty caused the love then I would have loved at least another 10 girls.

"Beauty is merely something which our eyes argue and our mind concludes".

Something other than her beauty really attracted me, 'that something' which I could never find until I live with her at least seven eternal lives by resurrection. Love never reveals itself fully to anyone.

That moment I thought nothing except that if she was not in my life any more, then I wished let me end my life there. I begged God to give me her immediately at that moment. For I wished I would love her as much as possible, live a life that no one in the universe had ever did.

After falling in love I started to understand the depth of my life.

UNEXPECTED INFLUENCE:

Our twelfth standard begun, we were really bored of reading those subjects. Our new Physics sir named Ganesh entered the class. His first day of our class was so much interesting. But he wouldn't be concentrating on the syllabus of our twelfth standard portions. So some hated to listen his class for they wanted was just the marks. At first even I was one among them.

One week later, I was listening and seeing the blackboard. He asked

"Hey, where are you looking, am I a fool standing here and teaching you..."

Had he gone mad, I thought for a second and answered him

"I am actually looking the black board only. I don't know what the problem with it is?"

He went that day leaving this argument there. And on the next day with a face full of aversion he asked me the same question, which he asked previous day.

I was perplexed as never before, I later thought of the problem associated with that. Then I explained my squint eye to him. He immediately hit his hand on his head and asked "sorry".

He really felt that he shouldn't have hurt my soul by denoting my squint eye. He felt that it would have embarrassed me when he denoted my squint eye in front of my other friends.

I later explained to him,

"I don't feel any kind of embarrassment for being born like this. I really feel great as I consider this as a unique gift, rarely given to me by God for easy identification of me by others"

He was overwhelmed with my attitude and a close friendship developed between us. I began to like his subject more because of him and he began to like the squint eye personalities because of me.

Not only for me he soon became a favourite teacher to most of us, but that didn't last long. Some other students who concentrated on the twelfth marks complained about him that he was actually not taking classes regarding with our prescribed text book. He was the one who explained how important the knowledge to a human was. He motivated all of us to study and get good marks in our twelfth standard. He said to us that

"If you have the confidence of achieving a particular target in your high school, then that confidence will automatically give the courage to face anything in your life."

He taught us in a way to make us knowledgeable while our school suggested him to take classes in such a way that students should be getting more marks than the knowledge. He always thought teaching as an auspicious thing when he learnt, that our school wasn't really a temple of teaching, he left our school, saying a big adieu.

MY PARENTS' DREAM AND STUDY HOLIDAYS:

My mother and father since from the day I born, they imagined me an engineer. And for them the most important thing they should do in their life was to make myself an engineer. My father had been toiling outside our house just to earn money for this. My mother everyday was collapsing all her brain nerves to control the everyday expenses. She would be bargaining for one rupee for five minutes with a vendor, the reason behind them would be to make me an engineer.

My father would say that

" I won't be drinking coffee or tea in the day times, it is not healthy"

And he wouldn't be drinking the coffee or tea while others in my father's office would be drinking, the reason behind that would be to make myself an engineer. For the middle class people these things were some of the sweetest burdens for which they had volunteered themselves to be lifted with pride.

When I learned that my twelfth marks were going to be the foundation of my parents' dream, I decided to yield myself fully on getting marks as much as possible. So that it would be saving most of my father's sweat and my mother's energy in the form of money.

I spent most of the time in studying. I would get a flask full of coffee prepared by my mother and I would study late nights as much as possible. Because of my exams my father was the one who was most affected. His habitual action to hear the news which would be telecasted daily was ruined.

As I wouldn't allow television to run in my home, claiming that it was a great disturbance for me to study he didn't have any other options than to see the news in the newspaper. The routine duties of mine such as going to the grocery shops, getting milk packet and such like all those things had then fallen on my father.

I thought to preoccupy my mind with some other important thing, so that I could banish her thoughts away from me. I concentrated much on studies because in order to get relief from the new feeling which had arisen in my heart.

I and Syed started to study voraciously once again like our tenth standard. I and Syed would be studying while we walk, while we talk, while we were in the bus, while we ate... that most of the people in our surroundings betted that either of us would be the state first mark holders.

ANOTHER RACE:

I was already injured in the race of my tenth public exams. I unnecessarily competed with my friends and others and I ran seeing them and not on the target which I was running for. Hence I fell even before reaching the target.

Even in the beginning of twelfth standard I had decided that, these things shouldn't be repeated again. And I set my mind in such a way that I may walk but I have to cross the target in an efficient way.

I never let the same foolishness that happened in my tenth standard to happen again. One such was being sleepless for long hours which caused me drowsy on the examination hall. I slept well in the night before the exam and entered the exam hall with confidence. In the question paper I found some of the questions which I hadn't studied had been asked. I left all those and concentrated on answering the questions for which I knew the answers. Since I hadn't mugged up the subjects it was indeed easy for me to give the answers.

I left the examination hall as soon as I finished my examination. If I had to remain there then I have to bear bitterness of having written some wrong answers which would be pointed out by my friends (They will be very much happy in doing this). This would be like a thunder stroke and I might lose my hope for other exams that were yet to come.

One by one, I finished every exam from English, physics... to computer science. I hoped that I would be excelling in English and Physics because of those teachers' influence during my tenth and twelfth standard.

At the end of our last exam though we were grateful for the excellent coaching our school provided. We never forgot those days in which we were treated just like prisoners. Hence in order to avenge some of the courageous students among ourselves broke the fans, benches, dusks, etc...At the same time some other students especially girls bought wall clocks, greetings and other such things to be gifted by them as a remembrance. While I assisted some of the students of the former, she led the girls of the latter. We once again stood like the north and south poles.

AN IDLE MIND- A LOVE'S WORKSHOP:

"An idle mind is a love's workshop"

I understood that during my holidays.

Whenever she was near me

I found my heart hanging around her

Whenever she was not near me

I found my heart missing somewhere

Is this love I don't think so

Whenever she speaks something

I feel as IF there was nothing inside my ribcage

Yet weighing so much

Is this love I don't think so

Whenever her gaze falls

I realise I have become selectively blind

That I could see ONLY her nothing other

Is this love I don't think so

Whenever I think of her

I am confused that whether I am dreaming a life

Or living a dream

Is this love, of course, yes it is

As during my holidays I had nothing other to do other than the habitual actions I researched myself and I understood what love really meant?

As I had nothing except to dream about her, imagining the mark she was going to get, the college she was going to join and top most of them was that

"Whether I will see her or not" but I had an instinct that always said to me that

LIFE TIME FESTIVAL FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS:

All families of the 12th students will be waiting for the counselling as the important function and festival of their life time. Every mother will be busy in preparing pillows, clothes and other items such as soap cases, etc. for their future engineers. While all the fathers will be busy in repairing their old cartons which they used during their hostel times given to them like a legacy from their father.

As habitual I woke late in the morning that too because of some noise that arose. I got up from the bed and went to see where the noise is really coming from. I saw my father doing some hammering and tinkering works to a carton box. I asked him what he is doing. He replied to me that,

"This is the carton box you are going to carry to your college to keep all your clothes. This is really a lucky one which I got from my father",

After seeing that box I understood that my ancestors are well educated enough because the carton box might be at least 100 years old. I warned immediately to my father

"I won't be carrying this at any cost"...

After seeing my twelfth standard result and my girl for the last time I pulled my twelfth holidays harder with her thoughts. And as my parents awaited my letter for the eligibility of the Engineering counselling came. After the letter came a real Utsav began in my family. My father on each day will arrive with the name of few engineering colleges and courses which are popular.
My mother on the other hand is indeed worried. She asked me

"In the counselling can't you take any nearby colleges and be near us"

I said "I will be near with you and I will be studying some other degree than engineering is that ok for you"

As in my home town no good engineering colleges are available I wished to study in some of the reputed colleges. Mainly because of good the marks I have scored in my twelfth standard and the effort I have put in that.

My mother's face dulled and lost its brightness, like a bright moon being hidden by a huge cloud. It was hard for my parent even to imagine myself being someone other than an engineer. Not only for my parents but for most of the parents making their sons or daughters as engineers or doctors is an acute and common disease that prevailed. And they are unaware that sometimes they affected their sons' dreams.

Like Shahjahan wished to build Tajmahal, every middle class man had a great dream penned in their diary. And it is to become a father of an engineer or a doctor.

For all these days my mom had been praying to the god to make me an engineer. And she could never guess that for each step God made his work on making me an engineer, he also made an equal step in making me to move away from her...

MASTERPIECE:

I have no one to call me by a nickname

I have no silly jaded stories to be told again and again

I have no one to buy me something when my pocket is empty

And no one to share my money resting in my purse

Once I had all these things done by a few but I left all those

Because I believed these were little things

And life has many things more than this

I was right these are little things,

But why I yearn? For those little things to happen

Why I cry? When these little things fail to happen

Because I know very well that

Only these little things filled as the ink of the pen

What wrote the masterpiece named friendship.

When I am near to the counselling day, I realised that I am missing all my school friends. We never expected that all those beautiful days would end so soon. With the different marks we got in the public exam we prepared our own report card and decided the college and course that would suit best for us.

I and Syed were in a dilemma we didn't have any intention to choose any of the courses in particular. Soon after that I am shocked to hear that his uncle will be taking him to his home. So that he will get a good education over there. His home is in another state, we understood that we are greatly going to miss each other, as we have many other important things to attain in our life.

Whatever it might be? We have done many things which will be unforgettable for years. Even our grandchildren will be so keen on listening to our stories when we explain this to them, as they are accomplished with more fun and happiness. We assured each other that though our school days ended our friendship will sail in our oceans of life forever.

Then In each day, the affection from my mother increased by 2 to the power n times. Where n is the no of days that went close to my counselling date. In every day she prayed to the God that the colleges other than the one that is near to my house shouldn't be available in the counselling. She pleaded God to do some miracles over that.

All the preparation for my counselling is over. We three and my cousin gathered at a bus stop to take the bus for our counselling

A WINDOW-SEAT:

The cool breeze makes me feel something weird. I feel like being carried away into another world of dead eternity. Then I hardly come back to reality that I am still living. That's what I have yearned for. To me sitting near the window is a delighted thing that I often wait for hours to get a window seat. Sitting on that seat I would be thinking about some of the happy moments of my life.

I thought about my college life. It felt like I have been on the same bus which I took four years before for my counselling. But now it is hard for me to realise that my college life travelled so fast and it seems that they ended even before the bus I took had reached its place. Now I feel I am missing my college life as much as I thought of missing my school life four years before. I thought about those moments. Those happy moments, tear drops began to fall on my cheeks. I started looking back on those days. Every moment came before my eyes. The days of counselling, my first day in the college, our Farewell day, etc....

It was the day of my counselling. We three along with my cousin brother (my mother made him to come in order to assist me) entered the counselling hall.

I always yearned to join the course and college she would join. I was not really interested in the courses and colleges. On those days to make myself an engineer was my parents' dream and my dream was something different than that. I dreamt to love her, my only aim that filled my heart was to marry my girl...

In the counselling hall it was hard for me to guess the course and college she would be joining. And it was one of the most complicated things in the world for which I was never confused like that. Then at last I took the college and course suggested by my cousin.

Though the college name sounded familiar I doubted that there were only few chances for her to choose that same college in the counselling. And I chose the computer engineering for that was the course that most girls did chose. Might because computers mostly did what their velvet hands wanted, which some other machines (Mechanical engineering) denied.

Yet my heart weighed when I thought about "how I was going to survive in the college if she wasn't in my college."

After the counselling I saw my mother controlling the tears that were about to flow. The tears arouse because of the combined effect of ecstasy and pain. The ecstasy, that her dream had come true. At the same time pain too was induced in her because I had to go a distance from her.

MY PARENTS' TURN:

Then we went to my college to join me on the first day. In the college there was a huge crowd formed by the students, their parents, their relatives and their relatives. Yes all the relatives and friends who would be coming to the marriage eve were present on that occasion.

Then after paying my huge college and hostel fees we went to the room allotted to me. In our college three members shared a room and I was the first one to reach my room. My mother cleaned my room and advised me to take the cot, which was near the windows. She knew very well that I always found great joy in looking on to the outside world through the windows. After doing all these they went and bought me all the necessary things which I needed...

My father, who carried his lucky carton box all the way, at last kept that in the closet which was afforded to me.

Then it was the time for my parents to leave me on my way like an eagle leaving its eaglet on its way after it had learned to survive by itself. They went on their way saying goodbye to me for more than four times before reaching the gate of my college. During the third time while saying the goodbye my mother's voice went cold I understood she was crying. During the first day in my school I cried on seeing my parents leaving me. And during the time they left me in the college, it was their turn.

IN (-) FORMAL INTRODUCTIONS:

When we were first introduced ourselves our professors asked about the aim of our life. My only aim during that time was to marry my girl but I thought it would be embarrassing to say that. So I said my aim was to become a scientist. Saying it was easier for everyone mostly for the ones who didn't wish. Then I came to my place and sat

My roommate introduced himself by saying his name as "Sakthi Praveen". And when he was asked about his aim he said

"My only aim in my life is to marry a girl whom I love the most". Whole class first laughed and everyone clapped their hands for his aim. As it was most of ours' unsaid aim too.

I shouldn't have said my aim as a scientist because it gave me a nerd look. Everyone after that started to ask some of the subjects' related doubts.

I really yearned that my girl should be studied in the same college. But I knew it was too stupid to think like that since it was a quite an impossible thing that could happen. Fate didn't work as we wish if it had then our life wouldn't have been this much interest.

I searched her for some time in all the places of my college as much as possible. And I returned in the half way leaving some search incomplete for the next day. Because it was hard for me to bear that I was going to miss the chance of being near with her for at least four years. So I decided myself to divide the pain for a few days.

I would search for some time in one day. And I would leave for my room with a hope and complacence that I hadn't fully searched her, so she might be in some other place...

HEY BOY:

During the first week I and Sakthi decided to go to the gym and build our body first by reducing our tummy size. Most of our friends had already begun calling us as 'Fatso'.

Though all of our friends advised us to not to go to the gym because there were chances for us to get caught by the seniors. But I and Sakthi oblivious to their advices went to the gym.

We first went to a shoulder workout section. There stood a short and lean boy watching us keenly. We thought him to be gym boy, so Sakthi asked him to fetch a 6kg dumbbell. That boy grinned and asked whether we were first years or not. We nodded our heads as first year students.

He said "I am a mechanical department student"

"Oh! Sorry, we thought you to be gym boy, anyway please to meet you" I said and stretched my hands for a handshake.

"I am in third year, your senior" he said and we sighed.

. They took us straight to their rooms and after that they played the music and made us to perform everything starting from a circus jester to an actor, a swimmer in land, etc. But we escaped because most of the others were our department seniors, who were comedians and they even didn't know how to rag a new student.

After that we ceased to go to the gym as we got the confidence that, our mess food would automatically take care on reducing our tummy.

FUN AND FROLIC:

At first we had few problems with room sharing such as our cart position, table position, etc. But those problem settled by themselves. In college I met various kinds of friends one of the most humorous was Sathyan my other roommate. He woke up only at 8'o clock by the time everyone would be busy with going to the college. And as soon as he woke up his immediate question would be

"What is the today's breakfast in the mess da?"

Sakthi would say "Idli da" his immediate answer will be

"Will anyone eat that food? I really wonder how you people are really eating it."

After saying this he would get up from his bed and he would leave his room. And straight he would go to the mess. In the mess we could see at least 10 Idlis stacked on his plate...

We mocked each other by identifying everyone's weakness. During that I saved Sakthi at chances and he supported me while I mocked others. According to the rules of mocking, when one was affronting the other by saying some cracks over him, you should not laugh if he was his friend. And if it was your friend was affronting the other, then you should laugh or at least pretend to laugh from the underneath of your stomach though nothing such like the joke was cracked.

If we were silent during the time when the other was mocking at us, then the mocking would be doubled. And if you oppose then it would multiply in quadruples.

Our classes' strength ratio decreased and attendance in the canteen increased as time went. With her thoughts in my heart I wasn't really interested in seeing the girls. I met many beautiful girls in fact even my class contained one girl and she was the next name in her attendance order. They used that chance and linked her with me and they shut my mouth at the every possible time using this. I thought for a week and asked help from Sakthi. He said that I had no other choice than saying

"She was really like a sister to me."

I thought that and I said as he said, they ceased me linking to her. I felt relief after that. But at last that was great snafu. As after I had told them everyone started to call me as "brother in law".

I understood the toughest job in the world was to be a brother to a beautiful sister. As they worsened, I said she was no more my sister. As soon as they heard that from me those monkeys once again climbed the same tree which they climbed before. If wasn't in love then I might have accepted their cordial mocking.

HARD TO SHOW AS WELL AS TO HIDE:

When someone doubts and asks me

Whether I am in love, I reply NO

Before they could close their lips

When I write some love poems, I destroy them,

Before someone could see it

When someone says their love experiences

I just watch them silently with my mouth shut.

When I see some love couples though I cry

Inside my heart for my unluckiness,

I could hide them through my facial reactions.

While imagining my future with you

Though I become insane sometimes

I could even hide that through my intelligence.

I do all these things in order to hide my love from others

And show myself to them as if I wasn't in love

But, when I stare at something forgetting my surroundings and

If someone could ask me what I was thinking

I knew I would say your name spontaneously

Making all these efforts in vain.........

It is hard for me to show my love to you and

It is even harder for me to hide my love from others eyes as well

Yes, I felt really hard to hide my love from the other's eye especially with my roommates. My roommate Sathyan was flirting and chatting with his girlfriend through the phone. I asked about his love story he said that he saw her two months ago when his friend introduced her to him. He then got her phone number and after messaging one day he proposed her. And from the day she accepted, he had been continuously recharging his phone for 50 RS a day. That was his costly love story.

And then I said about my love experience to him. Hearing those he said to me

"Your girl should be lucky if she could get you as her life partner, for no one would love her this much"

My heart wished the same. Sathyan then explained me about the "Love Logic of God". According to that God will be giving the one to ones who love them most. Then he told

"If you love her more than anyone in this universe then God will surely give you her". I wished that same should be the real logic of God because

"If I am the one who loves her very much than anyone let I get her. If not then another one who would be existing only hypothetically shall get her"

Both were satisfactory for me to live a happy life.

NEWTON'S LAW OF SLEEPING:

The regular classes of my college had begun. As the professors start to write their subject title we could imagine ourselves being dumped with ten sleeping pills. No nightingale could ever sing a beautiful lullaby to make us sleep like the professors' low pitch tone during the lecture hours.

According to the Newton's law of sleeping,

"The intensity of your sleep is directly proportional to the food you ate before attending the lecture. And inversely proportional to the square of the distance between the professor and the bench in which you are sitting..."

As I always ate full of my stomach and I usually sat on the first bench, so the intensity of my sleep was hard to imagine. But sometimes in the class I would be interested in some other thing when sleep didn't call me. Mostly due to the harsh and high pitch voices of some of the professors. During those times I would be interested in imagining my future with her.

Sometimes I would marry her in a temple, sometimes in a church. Sometimes we would feel warm in the Australian Culburra beach. And sometimes we would feel cold in the Siachen glacier of Kashmir. If there was a lot of time i.e. During the guest lecture hours I and she would be thinking a name to keep for our daughter. By the time I would suggest some modern names my mother would be protesting it with her words. And the argument between me and my mother would go on. Until a chalk piece in the size of a small stone would hit my head.

As I had sent my marriage invitation to the moon even during my eleventh standard, these imaginations were easier for me. To me anything was possible in my dreams and imaginations.

Throwing the chalk piece straight on my head the professor would be asking me some questions. But I would confuse his question with my unimaginable answer and I would manage. Like that went my college days and lecturing hours.

WAITING FOR THE SATURDAYS:

For me, it was first difficult to stay in the hostel, because I never missed my mother like this ever before. During the morning, it was really tedious for me to wake up without my mother's habitual coffee. For the first few days, our college proved out to be as if they were the world's strictest college. That they told us to study compulsory during the study hours which was between 6'o clock to 9'o clock. However, we knew that these comedies could last only for a few days.

For two weeks our mess food sounded to be great and the third week it was palatable and in the fourth week our mess food just reminded missing of our mother's food. If I really hadn't remembered my mother at any time, I truly got her remembrance when I saw my dirty clothes. I felt that for all these years she washed my filthy clothes. She took care whenever I got ill, and she was the one who really thinks me much about all the time. Though I loved my girl, my love for my mother never decreased but increased in proportions. Because it was my yearning to get her love that made me realise how it was gifted to be loved by someone truly.

I would ring my mother every night, and I would say that.

" I am not thinking for you most of the time as my time goes busy with my friends. I am really enjoying these days",

After I went far from my mother, I always liked to speak the truth to my mother.

My mother would say as

"Here is the same. We don't often think about you. We are also busy with our works"

But I knew very well why mother was lying to me. I knew that in a day, she would be taking the phone at least for five times to ring me up in order to hear my voice, but she wouldn't. Thinking that I might get disturbed, she would keep the phone back. She missed me more, but she didn't want to show this to me because she felt that I might feel sad if I know that she really needs me. She always gave me immense love. If she had given me some droplets of love like the earth, then I would have equalised it as the rain from the sky. But she gave me the love like the ocean which I always felt hard to return. Being like this. How could I stay more than five days in my hostel? As soon as the Friday evening arrives, I would be standing at the bus stop near my college to get the bus that destined for my home town.

In my mother's calendar, the Saturdays and Sundays always yearned to taste themselves with the delicious dishes that she would be preparing. Decorate themselves with the new things that she would be buying. And please themselves with the soulful stories that she would be rehearsed in her mind during the other days to be said on that day. Because those were the days in which her little prince would be returning home from the hostel. Another one who enjoyed all those stuffs was none other than my father. That he would ring me up for at least five times within 10 minutes, after I had said to him that I began from my hostel.

When those Saturdays ended she would be little worried as she had another only one day more in the Saturday night. And in the Sunday night, my mother's thought would be frayed and preoccupied that.

"These miserable Mondays should never come once again."

Just like, I wished while I was a kid. But she would give me a kiss that could last up to one week, and she would send me back to the hostel. Because she knew very well that my studies were really important than these, and those significant things shouldn't be disturbed by her love.

MUTUAL SHARING:

One day Sakthi asked the toothpaste from me, I gave that to him. Then one day I borrowed the shampoo from him. If he woke early in the morning, he would bath and put my bucket in the queue formed in the bathrooms. According to which we bathed in the order. Rarely sometimes I woke early and I put his bucket in the queue. We went to the college together in the morning.

Few days went. I ceased to buy the shampoo, and he ceased to buy the paste. This was the story how myself, and Sakthi became close friends in two months. I felt I had got Syed by the name of him.

SAME PINCH:

One day during our mathematics period Sakthi wrote something in his note which was not definitely related to the maths. I doubted and when I was about to see, he had hidden that from me. After some time in his absence, I took that note and saw what he had written on it.

It was written as,

"Our love is constant with time

If it is differentiated it becomes nothing...

On the other hand, if nothing could divide our love,

Then it becomes an infinite love"

Differentiating (constant) =0

Constant/0=infinity

Later, I understood two things. One was that Sakthi was good in maths. And the other was that he was also like me; that is he too was in love with some girl.

I started to like him because he was, in fact, similar to me. I love someone, and I was afraid to express it. He must also be just like that else he wouldn't have hidden the poem he wrote.

TRAPPED (BY THE TREES AND EXAMS):

During the winter season, the trees that were soaked by the rain; the droplets that were accumulated on the leaves waiting to fall straight on my head; the benches underneath those trees; the scent that prevailed by the combination of all these never allowed me to go to the class. They always begged to me

"Sit here for five minutes" like our grandparents asking for our time to hear their stories.

After that they would say to me

"Dream your girl you don't have any other pleasant thing in your life other than this."

I would be sitting on it sometimes for the whole day. Those were the main reasons that caused the poor attendance percentage for the class. Most of the days went like that, and then soon our semester examinations began.

I haven't prepared anything for my semester examination. Though Sakthi also hadn't read or prepared anything he would write the exam well because he had some prenatal powers of knowledge, I believed. In the morning, I first woke him up at 6'o clock, and I slept. He went to sleep after five minutes. Then he woke me up at 7'o clock and he went back to sleep. I went to sleep on at 7.01 AM. And at last my other roommate woke both of us at 8'o clock. Then Sakthi gave me some quick review of few important questions. I grasped some of them, and as it was our first semester, the subjects would be little related to our twelfth standard, so I hoped to get pass marks.

I entered the exam hall, and after I got the question paper. I searched for the question to attend from the available questions like a man searching for a new pair of slippers from the available pairs of slippers to compensate the one he lost in the marriage session.

For the one-word questions, I managed with "Inkie, Pinkie and Ponky." I had a good faith in them. At least, I would be getting half right answers whenever I adopted this technique.

MYSTIFYING MYSTERIES:

First semester was over. We all made a big goodbye to all our new budding friendships as we would be meeting each other only after a month of semester holidays. Everyone planned for their schedule for their holidays. I was really worried about those holidays because I could at least kill the time if I was in the college. But being at home and being idle would make me go mad especially towards her.

Every time when I was going away from my college to my home all I would be thinking was that

"Won't I see her today?"

Yearning for this my eyes would be searching for my girl with the thought that she might be hiding in one of the every girl I could see.

During the semester holidays all our school friends met each other. I was happy as well as sad that I found most of my school friends except her. I was keen on asking the college she had joined but like me all of my other friends were also unaware of the college she had joined.

It was mainly because of the fact that in our school boys and girls conversed with each other to the rare as our school was a highly dignified school. And she was more dignified than our school that she wouldn't talk with most of the boys. But some other boys who had some close relationships with some other girls of our class would know the college she was studying, but I wasn't not in contact with them. So in fact knowing the college she would be studying was a mystified mystery to my brains.

Another semester ended with the thought of finding a solution to this mystery. The second semester in a college life always moves so fast. As days went, like we shared our paste, shampoo and other things with each other we started sharing our thoughts and our secrets of love that we kept locked in our hearts for these days.

I told my full story of love to Sakthi. And he told his love story he said that he love a girl who came to live in the house opposite to his home exactly at the age of 16. She belonged to some other state and he had spoken with her only ten to fifteen times. Little unluckier than me, because at least I love a girl of my same state while even state separated his love. And if he wants to find his girl he needed to search in the two states.

A WALK TO THE TEMPLE:

I never hesitated to take his things. I never hesitated to give him my things. Whenever I was in a problem I would say "I am alright", yet he would understand and run to be with me. I would tell some lies for his happiness but he would identify the truth beneath my lies. I would go with him when he was right and he would support me even when I was wrong.

First we were introduced as strangers. As time went we became accustomed, then we named our acquaintance as friendship. Then we both understood that we were not only friends we were enemies sometimes. We argued with each other, we quarrelled and fought with each other most of the times yet we never let those blades to slash the friendship thread that tied both of our hearts.

Though there were many friends I hung on with Sakthi. Every friend is a special, and a best friend is something special in a special. Like was Sakthi Praveen to me.

Whenever I was depressed thinking about my life without her, I drew sustenance from his words. Whenever he was dejected I was there as the sustenance. But at times we both get depressed, so we had no other options than approaching the Master. It was during the second year, I and Sakthi started to go the temple which was in our college daily.

We went to the temple because we found that to be a serene place, which offered patience and confidence to our wishes.

But I was indeed angry with God...

I always believed in the existence of him

I always prayed to him

I always shared all my happenings with him

I have always been like a trusted friend to him

And I always have been unselfish to him

But how selfish he was really

"Oh! God how silly he was

He doesn't want me to give her

Because he was afraid that

I may forget him if I get her..."

Even in the temple my mind would revolve around her thoughts only. Earth couldn't do without revolving the Sun, isn't it?

It would take 15 minutes by walk from our hostel to the temple. And we spent nearly 30 minutes in the temple just by sitting inside of it idly.

HAUNTING MEMORIES:

On few days, while we finished our laboratory early we would be having plenty of hours so we both went to some of the movies. In that turn we never missed even one of the romantic movies that came at that time. We went to bus stops and travelled to the places, which we ever heard of, and returned only when we wished. We explored new places in our college.

We were really lucky enough that we had a beech (it was a shore to be said absolutely) very near to our college. It was at a walking distance, only a few Kilometres away. We went to that beach and sometimes we even slept on its sand. For our love minds the shore was same like a beautiful background for an attractive photograph.

In that place, we discussed about how our future would be, he often asked how we would be after five years. We conjured the things lying ahead in our lives. Sometimes they brought us tears and sometimes smiles. On that I asked him how the day of his marriage would be because he was the one, who talked about it often.

He then started demonstrating about his day of marriage:

I am sitting there as the groom, a groom who is little nervous and fully excited about being the centre of attraction. The floor is bedecked with the red carpet. The aromas of blithe and different flowers of various colours are wide-spread over the whole place. The pleasing music of the marriage eve can be heard everywhere.

Almost all our friends and relatives have gathered in the place to lively visualise the happening of a heavenly marriage. It is my day and her day; our day. All the arrangements are made by our parents in the mint condition with a keen focus that the day has fallen nothing sort in terms of anything.

The relatives and friends have been busy with their colloquial talks, yet their eyes cleanly focussed on me. I am little afraid that I can never be a perfect match to her, in terms of appearance, but my fear vanished when I saw our parents' faces. In our parents' face a hundred splendid suns glow together flaunting their happiness.

The pressure in my brain rose a bit every minute, because I have never been a centre of attraction like this before. With the traditional Indian costume being wrapped, my body smelled with the Red Sandals, which my mother applied over me before, soothed my mood.

As a feast to the eyes of everyone, she came downstairs with her slow steps like a swan. The musical notes of Nadhswaram gained their pitch and their volume too rose highlighting the entry of the moon-faced bride. My tension got a little relieved because, sooner the people's gaze caught her sight, their attention turned towards her from me. Now she became the centre of attraction like every time. Another four girls accompanied her. They too are beautiful, but none could compete with her. (I am little worried that my license to ogle these beauties is going to be cancelled soon; but how the pennies of beauty would tempt me when I am going to become a billionaire of beauty)

Her hands are decorated with ornate Mehndi. The ornaments she wore sparkled but isn't noticeable much as her blissful countenance shined over, surpassing it. The pink silk sari sewn with the golden embroideries of foliages and blue & pale green borders captured all the eyes of women. But none of the above adorned her like the nature did; it perfectly adorned her by gifting the flawless beauty.

The excitement and exuberance of the surrounding air, which were billowed by the crowd of relatives and friends, rocked the whole Mahal. Then she came near me. I saw her eyes; they conveyed me how her heart is bouncing inside. Her visage appeared like a serene pond, while her feminine shyness is the reverberations on it, when a leaf of a demure smile is dropped by her protruding lips.

She came and sat near me. The whole attention of the people rested with us. I put my fingers over hers, unknown to anyone. She suddenly raised her head towards me as soon as my fingers disturbed hers; then with an inhibited cute smile, she again put her head down facing the Earth.

Few moments later I felt the auspicious thread resting in my hands. I felt as if I attained the whole world.

The music from Nadhswaram and other instruments once again gave loud beats and notes exhibiting the arrival of the most precious moments.

Then I indicated the whole world that she is mine, mine forever by tying the auspicious thread around her neck. The flowers, which our friends and relations bestowed, reached us like a shower of wishes straight from the heaven. I am so elated and engrossed by the splendour things happening in my life. I fathomed that I am forever blessed. Then I recognised the things, which were running in her mind. I realised what she felt. Eventually, I comprehended the fact our two souls tied to each other by this sacred thing has ultimately become as one.

Then I saw in the eyes of some men, who came over there, filled with jealousy of how I could be born as the one to deserve this priceless boon. Subsequently I visualised some of the faces brimmed with the sadness of their love being gone as an unrequited or untold one. And I was sorry that I am the one responsible for that.

****

We both travelled across the other romantic worlds for some time, and then came back to reality. I thought in mind never to ask him things like this anymore, because the words of this romantic idiot caused my body to secrete the love hormone in excess.

After some days we found few oak trees which were grown over that place. We went near them and we both etched our names and our loved ones' names in a tree. We wished that someday we should take our loved ones there to show the love we really possessed towards them. Sakthi was indeed more romantic than me, might be more romantic than anyone in this world.

We often went to that place and looked at those names we etched over the tree. And we wished that our marriage boards should also carry the same names etched over there. Only that place relieved us from the haunting memories of our girls.

FIRE IN THE FOREST AND RAIN IN THE DESERT:

Few days went I came to know about the other thing Sakthi loves very much. It was the poetry. He was really a genius because he knew most of the good, famous poems and other love poems reading those would cause anyone to fall in love. One such day we both discussed about how our love for our girls have changed our lives.

We sat on that shore where usually no one comes because of the huge population of the snakes in that shore. He expressed all his emotions in a beautiful poem which I could never forget. And his poem was,

Sometimes whenever I feel disturbed

Her thoughts make me feel peaceful

Sometimes whenever I feel lively

Her thoughts make me feel deserted

Sometimes whenever I feel happy

Her thoughts do feel sad

Sometimes whenever I worry

Her thoughts make me joyous

Her thoughts sometimes bring the rain in my desert

And it sometimes brings the fire in my forest

Whatever it may be, until her thoughts are with me

My soul will be breathing somewhere in this world."

I understand how the love tree has made its roots deep into his soul.

Sakthi, wished in his life to become a poet. I believed that someday he would really become a great poet because I had studied many of his poems. And I always admired his poetic skills that might be gifted to him because of the love he possessed towards his girl.

ANYTHING SPECIAL TODAY:

Since then, began our second year semester exams I and Sakthi were hardly aware of that. We messed with the dates of the exam and we gave a conclusion to the confusion that exams might be on some other day. We both went for a night show then returned to the hostel and because of tiredness we went to sleep.

Sakthi woke me up early in the morning and said

"Today is semester exam da".

"Why haven't you said this yesterday" I asked him, angrily.

"Just now Sathyan said to me" he answered.

I then slept again. I woke at my habitual time of 8'o clock. When I got ready it was already ten minutes late to enter the exam hall, so I rushed into the exam hall. I got the question paper and I was eager enough to know what the exam was. As I wished the exam was not an easy one it was fully problematic one, which was favourable for Sakthi. He had the talent even to derive the question from the last step of an answer. So Sakthi would hit the ball outside the fence, but I was afraid that whether I would correctly meet the ball at least.

I smiled at myself thinking how my days have changed. Once I cried even if I wrote a one-word question wrong but then I came to know the name of the exam only after entering the exam hall.

Love would do miracles, especially in the studies and exams. After I left the exam hall I realised that I would surely fail because of a silly mistake. The silly mistake was that I forgot to study for that exam.

FRIENDSHIP BITES:

Then second year of our college ended. Once we said to each other that we both like to see each other's house. And as we wished we decided to go to each other's house our both houses were more or less same we both belong to the middle class. So we had enough money and enough contentment in our lives.

Sakthi had lost his father during his seventh standard. His younger brother and his mother were not much worried for his departure by then. Might because, they had practiced to live their normal lives after his departure in these seven years. His mother was also affectionate like my mother and in his home I never found a difference between my own houses. Though I refused, his mother filled my plate with all the stuffs she prepared.

When I said that to him, he said

"Don't shy da. Eat for your stomach da. I know your capacity"...

Those were called the friendship-bites. Thinking to give the same bite during the time he would come to my home I ate all the stuffs.

Two days later, I dragged him to my home. As I thought my mother stuffed his plates. I repeated the same friendship-bite to him.

After that he went back to his home, our holidays ended.

The second year of college gave us a bundle of memories. Then we started our third year. But during that time everyone was busy in the social networking sites. In those sites they just chatted and expressed all their problems. If they didn't have any problems, they created their own problems and updated them to get some comments and likes. We first searched whether our loved ones might also have an account in them. But we were unlucky at that time. Our girls didn't have any account on those sites during that time. If our girls too had an account then we would have pinned all our times on the wall of all those sites.

MISSING A MISS:

Sakthi told me that after speaking with one of his close friends that he had got her phone number and the address of the place where she was residing.

He said,

"Love favours the brave" I was brave enough to the place where she was living now. I saw her without her knowledge and returned back."

I wondered then how come he can call himself as a brave while he was afraid to speak with her.

He said all those to me and advised me to seek help from other school friends who know about her. As soon as he said about a school friend Syed's name sparkled into my brain like an electric current.

Soon as our second year started I said everything to Syed I told him that how I have fallen in love with her. He tried his most and at last he got and gave her phone number and e-mail id to me. I was very much happy for the moment I felt as if I have got her.

But that happiness didn't last long when Syed told me that she had actually chosen "civil engineering". And the college she had chosen was so far from my college.

I would have typed those ten numbers in my phone for more than hundred times but I wasn't courageous enough even to give a missed call to her. That was mainly because I was afraid I should not annoy her and I was dared that she might not become mine. So I thought it would be better to enjoy these days believing that she would also be in love with me. My entire mind whispered one thing often that,

"She is playing hide and seek with you, she will come as soon as the game ends"

It has been so long since I have seen her

I have even forgotten her face,

The words she spoke with me,

But I feel every day as same like

The days that I have spent with her,

Because when I think of those days in which

She was near me, it feels like

I am living the same day once again

Though she went far I never miss her

Because even when I close my eyes before the sleep

I could feel her in myself....

All I missed is the chance of missing her.

Though I haven't spoken to her much, never have held her arms with mine, never have kissed her cheeks, I felt her as my beloved.

A BEAUTIFUL HAPPENING:

Yes I was not indeed worried about missing her but I was really worried of another thing. I worried that she might never know the part she had been playing in my thoughts and dreams. She might never realise the life she was living with me without her knowledge.

That week ended I went home and I was waiting at the bus stop to return to my college.

As usual I got a window-seat in the bus and I thought...

After I had fallen in love with her  
she had become a part of mine  
And losing her is like losing a part of mine  
Because of that I am living a handicapped life right now  
Thinking of this, causes tears in my eyes  
Yet in the midst of crying arises smile in my lips  
While thinking of the fact that,  
My tear drops mingled with the breeze  
Will reach her heart someday as the air she breath Expressing my love towards her

I was very much worried that my love might go unsaid. There is nothing more hurtful in this world when you came to know that the one you love is also in love with you. But both failed to express and when you were aware of this, the time forbids you to embrace each other. After returning from my home I said the same to Sakthi.

And Sakthi also feared that his love may go unsaid. He was very much afraid that if he goes on procrastinating to express his love towards her, then some day she might become some other's possession.

Discussing that, we went to the temple as our heart started to pain thinking of those.

He said to me that in all these days he was feeling as if he was doing something wrong

"I love her, it wasn't my fault

If she doesn't love me then it wasn't going to be her fault

Those weren't the love's fault either

Because to do the fault love is not a commitment

It is just a happening,

In the normal life of ourselves

Making our souls feel as if living beyond the life"

And I was surprised to hear from him that he was going to propose her that day. I wished him good luck as soon as he said that to me.

In the temple, he prayed for a longer time than the usual so I asked him

"Are you praying to make your love successful?"

"Yes, I prayed to make both of our love stories to be successful and give a happy ending to both of them" he retorted to me.

And he bade goodbye to me saying that he would be returning with glad news the next day. I wished the same from my heart.

WHERE YOU WENT YOUR MOTHER WAS SEARCHING:

And in the next morning I rushed to the beach as soon as I heard the news from my other friends. There was a huge crowd in the beach milling the police men. I went to that place. He laid there still with a letter his hands. I was dumb folded for a moment. I said to the police men that I was the roommate of him. I went near him and took the letter from his hand. And I started reading his letter which was titled as

" My last lost dream" contained the following

I never thought anything more important than you

All I thought is to sacrifice my life for your happiness

Everyone believed this as love but

I felt this, as something more than that

I believed nothing could divide us

Until the day you said no

I wondered how this could happen to me, but when happened

My heart cried like the baby who doesn't know anything

Since it believed only tears could lessen its weight

Yet I never blame you for this, how I could

But if God was in front of me

I would have pelted the stones at him

Because all my prayers to him was ignored

He made me to love you

Only because one day he wanted to take you away from me

After you left I went and hugged the oak tree

In which I had written the names of the both

Everywhere all my eyes could see

Is the image of thee

But my hands couldn't catch them

I chased them then, ended to sleep on the beach

After a few moments I can't believe that

I realized that I was in a temple

Surrounded by all our relatives and

The music of the marriage eve was hitting my ears

I was sitting there as the groom with the auspicious thread in my hands

You were there, near me as the bride

I felt as if I attained the whole world

I will never open my eyes anymore, because

I knew if I open my eyes all these things will go

After reading these pathetic lines, I wailed and moaned for a long time. I took the poison bottle from his hand and kept that inside my pocket. I was angry with God because if he had created everyone to love someone then he should have given them the person whom they love the most. Was he a rude illiterate who never knew the value of the book named love?

A rose that blossomed with his girl's gaze, watered by her thoughts, at last wilted and withered, unknown to the girl herself, the rose was nothing other than his heart.

I knew if Sakthi had not gone too earlier he would have become a renowned poet. I always admired his poems and I knew that, this poem was going to be the last one to be admired. He had gone too far in seeking the place from which his love for his girl had come from. And to write the poems he was no more available.

After an hour his mother and his younger brother arrived there. At that time he had brought me and his mother together to the place where he has gone. He made ourselves to console each other for the grief he had given us to the remembrance that he had gone too far to the place somewhere. Then I went near her mother to be a support for her, she actually fainted at the very moment she saw her knight laying still. After some time when she became normal she sobbed and mourned continuously making my grief to be cumulatively multiplied in quadruples. At the end of that most painful day I explained the whole thing to her when she asked me about that.

She said to me

"Last week, Praveen told me that he loves a girl so much and he wanted to be with her till the end of his life. I warned him in that very moment".

She cursed the girl he loved and she lamented to me that his love came as the nemesis to him. And when I was about to depart she moaned by holding my arms that

"If I was known these are the things that are going to happen, then I would have never let him go"

Hearing those made tears run down my cheeks. I consoled her by saying that I was there for her as the son.

IF NOT SHE THEN NO ONE:

Three days later I returned to my home. I cried and told my mother everything about that fatal incident.

My mother found me something unusual. She asked

"Why was Sakthi idiotic like that... is she the only girl to her... all these because of that silly thing?"

"What was that silly thing you are saying about?" I asked her

I understood why parents hate the love, because it sometimes took their lovely kids away from them...

"Do you love someone? If so, then say to us first, don't hide anything from us"

I should have said "YES" to her but I didn't. Something prevented me. If I had proposed to her then I would have said those to my mother, but I haven't even proposed her...Even she didn't knew the part that she plays in my life. I wished let not any one in this world could be aware of my love. I wished that let my love go unsaid if she would say no her. Let all believe that I was not having any pain or love. And the pain be within myself sleeping inside the blanket of love, I decided. I thought it wasn't the right time to explain my love story to my mother.

Then she asked "Hasn't her mother aware that his son loves some girl..."

I was stunned for a moment "some mothers don't ", I told her desperately.

"At least to me you or he should have said about those things... You were still young chicks. You won't know the life's ups and downs..."

"What would have you done if we have told you about that?" I asked her,

"I would never have let him find this wrong path" she answered

I didn't know why mother was continuously asking about him. Might be because she once offered food to him, in which she also mixed some of the affection for him. She then felt very sad for his demise and advised me to visit his home often, so that his mother could have some satisfaction by seeing me.

After that my mother understood that I was very much worried about that. Then she told me some beautiful stories of my childhood life and made me sleep making me forget everything. Whenever I was in a foul mood she would wipe them out with her icy words. Her love was like a rose that gives equal fragrance to the breeze and the storm. She gave her love equally in spite of the mood that I had.

IN THE MIDST SHE HAPPENED:

My life was a tranquilising drink,

She came, shook it, tilted it upside down, and walked away.

Chaos remained after, and then it was slowly intoxicated.

My life was quite a peaceful flow,

In the midst she arose, reverted the flow and went

At last it forgot the place where it ends, it flows and flows.

My life was a beautiful portrait,

She saw it, added colours to it, left it halfway

It remained unfinished and incomplete.

My life was a serene pond,

She passed by, threw a stone in it, and vanished

Its calm was shattered and it was restless

My life was a perfect journey

In the midst she stood, held my hands, took me to new places and left

I stood there pathless and perplexed.

My life was good,

In the midst you happened, changed its meaning, and went

My life was not the one, which was before,

If she was not going to be with me forever

I wish she never happened to me.

It was the end of third year. It had been three months that Sakthi had left the world. After that my mind was fully surrounded by the thoughts of him. It was really hard when someone who wakes you up, who talks incessantly, who fights and argues suddenly misses. I went to his home once again and returned after seeing his mother and his brother.

The queer nature of the love, made me to hate it. When I hardly realised that my girl would also give the same answer to me like Sakthi's girl, I wished I should never have tasted the intoxicating drink of love.

I still had the poison bottle that I took from him placed in his closet. And then one day I took that and buried it underneath our oak tree on the shore. Then I was the only person to etch my footprints over the shore.

On seeing that tree, I thought

"Why does he loved a girl like this in his life... was that to leave his life for her love?"

If his love for her at last brought an endless grief to him and others then what was the meaning of the love he possessed? Love was really a happy thing but he made that as a sad one. That made me to despise his love.

After that unforgettable incident I went to a mood of not thinking about her much. Whenever I thought about her, Sakthi's mother's face came in front of me, making me think

"Does my mother is also going to have the same plight as her, if my girl says no to me."

I understood that sathyan's "Love Logic of God" didn't work out. If it had then Sakthi should have got her surely. He didn't, because the amount of love one possesses towards the other could neither be measured nor be compared. There is no greater love or smaller love. Even God wouldn't be able to gauge the intensity of love one possessing towards the other with another one's love over the same person.

A DREAM TO COME TRUE IN ANOTHER DREAM:

Though I tried hard, my peculiar love for her, deeply anchored in my heart refused to move away from me. In a strange manner my love for her increased the times I tried to wipe it out.

And my girl by coming in another dream of mine she confirmed herself of deserving the same love of mine which I had for her before.

I thought about on a peaceful day that I wasn't even aware of my second valentine's day in my year i.e. I haven't even known the birthday of her. I didn't know what were all the things she likes, things she hates.

Those things were just like an enigma compiled with the various mysteries of my own answers. I was very sad about this. I determined that if I was going to delay my proposal then I might end my life without getting the answers to all those puzzles.

How could I say that I love her?

For it had lesser intensity

I loved her so much

That no one in the universe has ever made

Yet I never expressed her

For I believed you may not be mine

Days went on I was afraid that my love may go unsaid

So I decided to make her understand the part she was playing with mine

And I don't know how that happened

All of a sudden I proposed her through the mail

Her silence makes me think of that

She may never have noticed my mail or

She may be thinking that I may be ok to live with

I am waiting for her consent as a response and it has been just

Like waiting for a dream to come true in another dream

Because I still doubt, do those things were just a dream

There are more chances that her consent may positive

Yet I knew it may not, whatever may be

In this world everyone is loved so crazily by someone

Though they do not wish or care for them

And for her let it be me.....

I would cry even on hearing the love stories, which had a sad ending. Then how could I survive if my own story was going to have some ending like that. I started to live with that doubt. Every day I opened my mailbox with great hope and determination that

"Today may be the most beautiful day of life". But I never got a reply from her so in the every night I went back to sleep disappointed. I was afraid that I might never get one.

WHY SHOULD I HIRE YOU?

After I proposed her through the mail I believed myself as the most courageous man in this world. And I was not really feared of my placements. Because of my less CGPA and attendance percentage in the college I was said as

"You are not eligible for the placements of the core companies",

I really didn't care or worried about those. An average company came for my placements. Most were nervous and terrified for their placements but I was causal. Because I had undergone many of the bad things and nothing worst was going to happen if I was not going to be placed. Since there were thousands of companies wouldn't I get at least one if I could visit at least ten a week. I entered the interview hall with confidence. The interviewer asked about me I said that to him, he then asked

"Why I need to hire you?"

I said to him that "Because I will sleep only if I was provided with a blanket"

He stared at me and asked "what do you mean by that?"

"I meant I won't be sleeping in the office hours", I said.

I expected the question was a must ask question in every interview so it was easier for me. It was sort of an interview and more sort of a discussion. The interviewer asked about me, and then we both started discussing about my love story. We didn't know how the discussion on this topic began. He was keen on listening to it. And at last he wished me best of luck offering a job.

I was placed. I always do certain things with proper planning except love... Planning in them didn't work out here. When we plan the things opposite to that happens and when we didn't plan once again the same opposite thing happens.

TIME FOR THE BIRDS TO LEAVE THE SANCTUARY:

Even thinking of this day, will have a question,

"Why this day should have come?" Because if it hadn't come then we would have had our college days never ended... It was our Farewell day. All my friends were speechless. Our heart spoke everything, which unendurable to hear even by ourselves. They asked one question,

"Will our life journey, ever again will meet another enchanting encampment like this?"

The dream that filled everyone's eyes

The stories that were said under the trees

The time that was spent in the benches

The treats that were kept and borrowed

The hostel food that reminded the missing of mother's food

The gazes of the beautiful ones that made

Our loved ones to be forgotten in seconds

The results that came proportional to the movies

Those were seen before the nights of the exams

The heroic acts that ended up in great comedies

The cakes that were bought only to waste

The bumps that were given on the birthday eve

The demise of some dear ones and our sobbing for their departure

The innocent proposals and the paining humiliations

These were happenings

But, today these all are memories

The tear drops that runs down the cheeks

When we think of those moments

While we travel lonesome in the window-seat of a bus

In one or more ways

All these were beautiful college days

YES OR NO:

As the bus reached my place, I wiped out the tears that fell near my cheeks to get down from the bus. After that all I felt is that all my happy days have ended at last; because she is silent to my proposal so mostly she won't be accepting me, if she had loved me then she would have immediately contacted me. But she didn't.

I don't know for how many days I am going to think and yearn for her, now not only trying to forget her but also thinking like that has become an impossible thing.

Moreover I at least consoled my heart by saying that

"Believe me, today she may not be yours but tomorrow surely she will be yours" in my college days.

To the cruelty even the college days have ended, though we might not have achieved our dream during those days of our college, we wouldn't have worried about those since we had the thought that

"Tomorrow is there to accomplish our dreams, so be happy today".

As I reached home I am worried about all those things and I am uninterested in anything. My father and mother understood the unusual of being of me. My father came near me and asked "Do you love someone?"

One of the most difficult phases of love was confessing it with our parents.

I said "yes" to him.

"Does she love you back" this time my mother asked the question.

"I don't know", I said to them and explained my full love story to them, though my mother first couldn't accept that, later she accepted. And my father said "Do not worry about anything, you will be surely getting her as your wife, I will make all the arrangements for them". I went and hugged my father. No words could convey what I felt during that time.

"You always made us happy by earning pride. And we would do anything to make our prince live his happy life",

The moment my father said consent to my love I felt that he is the perfect and the best dad in this world. I don't know how many fathers in this world will give the same feeling to their sons/daughters. But my father gave it to me and this will be the best legacy a father can give his son. I wished to be a good father, just like him someday.

My heart that was close to become still, started to oscillate after it became aware that my parents are also in its side. During the whole night I slept in my mother's lap with the thought that

"If I could get her, then I would be the perfect and the happiest man on this planet because I have got: an affectionate mother, caring father and my lovable dream girl with me".

IF IT DOESN'T ANYTHING WOULDN'T:

She is the most important thing to me. She is the most indispensable one of my life. I am ready to do anything in my life for her.

If I have followed her in all the way she went, might she turned back and love me. If I have done her something in such a way that by looking at it she might have felt so touched, she might have understood and love me. If I have written some impeccable love poems and gifted her, she might have admired and love me. If I have become a great rock star and said all those things happened because of her, she might have understood my unselfish love towards her and love me.

Have I ever done one of these things or have I even tried one of them? No never... then one might ask me, being like this how I can expect that she might also be loving me? But let me ask one thing

"Have she ever did any of these things to me?" Perfectly no... then how did I love her?

The answer to all of them was that

"Love just happens. And it should happen by itself. If it doesn't then we can never make it happen... it intensifies itself when we miss our loved ones..."

If the things that we never got are always priceless,

If the things that we never bought are always precious,

If we always like to be near to the one, who went far

If we crazily love the ones whom we miss the most, then

It doesn't matter that she has gone far and I miss her a lot

Even if I am the one who misses her a lot,

Then I am the one who is happy about that

Because I feel that I miss her, only to love her more

I know what I feel is a quiet sort of craziness

But only those who love someone will know

How beautiful are the feelings of mine, because

In one or more ways all the ones

Who love someone are crazies.

I miss her to the utmost of my life; likewise she too would be missing me if she loves me. If she doesn't then, missing me will have made her realise the love she may be possessing for me. If it doesn't then anything wouldn't.

If she never had felt the love towards me by herself then I could never make her to realise her love for me by myself.

With this thought I lived another year beautifully. We, the college friends, met less in number of times than the number of times we assured of meeting each other. We got together less, even lesser than the number of times we spoke of it before.

I thought of proposing her by seeing her directly, but I postponed it every time being afraid of her answer to it.

WHITE MOUSE:

I am afraid. My heart is filled with some apprehensive thoughts; I heard her screaming with pain. When I go near and ask her, "Are you alright," all she says is a YES. She is trying hard to give me a smile, in spite of the pain she is going through. Soon, the doctor arrived and I got out of the room.

Since from the day she has got conceived, I have been taking care of all her activities. We have visited this hospital more than required (our doctor is a little worried with my obsession towards this).

My mother too was not happy that why I was very much concerned over this. When I explained my worries regarding it, she gave me the confidence explaining how simple it was and not as hard as I think.

The doctors have been working inside now. Unwillingly, I try to peep into the room; later I recognise what I am doing and step back.

Our love, since from the day we married has been increasing proportionately. We both just love each other while the miracles revolve around us to see the miracle of a true love. Every time, I see her I wonder how I struggled to marry her. I still remember the difficult yet lovely phases in my life: the days I waited for her favourable reply; the days I proposed her; the days I thought of proposing her; the days I loved her so much. She is an angel to me during those days and since my love never changed, instead it increased by the passage of days. She is still an angel to me.

I counted every minute restlessly. I thought about the day she whispered in my ears with her exquisite eyes, and her whitish face brimmed with the demure that she is pregnant. How I felt can be easily explained in simple words that it can never be explained merely with words. It is splendorous in the way happened and nothing more. Tears stagnated in the corner of my eyes, which I could realise yet couldn't control.

How could I? When I hear that my white mouse is going to become a mother. I wished let my milky mouse shall give me another white mouse of a daughter, since I missed all of her childhood days. It is a golden chance for me to live them.

Then my mother took care of her daughter-in-law. She never let her do the household works. Though it had another reason that she was not satisfied by the way she does the work.

I explained my wish to beget a daughter to my mother. However, she didn't care much about it. I know she was looking for a boy, in the resemblance of me. My girl was also on her side. But my father is on my side he has a clear knowledge that if it happens to be a boy, then he will be just like me, not obeying his words.

I once again saw her.

I knew her sweet kisses, and immense care is going to be shared by another yet I realise I am going to become a father, which makes feel excited and engrossed.

My mother came near me and asked me not to panic and stay free.

I went and leaned on the wall.

My girl never forgot to smile indicating how happy she was every time. She always leaned on my shoulders and I regularly hugged her. We wondered how delightful it was for us to live a life like this on the earth. While she was pregnant I, she and my mother often spoke to the gorgeous angel growing inside her womb. For first few months my daughter has been silent but on later months she responded to us with a kick to her stomach.

Almost all our relatives and friends are keen on the date in which the beautiful among the most beautiful is going to see this world.

We allowed my mistress only to sleep on the velvet mattress hearing her favourite songs, studying her favourite books and of course helping me a little in my work and nothing other to do. I took care of her based on advises of our parents.

Her parents are much happy with the life their daughter is living with me. They just stayed away from us and never wanted to interfere in our life. They have a good respect for me, and I too respected them.

Six months passed like this.

A week before I consulted the doctor, she said to me that the delivery will be on the next week. Then to remain on the safer side, I admitted her in the hospital the same day. My mother and I fetched her pomegranate and other of her favourite fruits and foods. Since then I have been on leave for my work most of the days and remained with her in the hospital. The days passed and now she is in the operating theatre, and I am standing here outside tensed with a strong prayer to the God that everything should be fine. My mother gave me the confidence and stood as a support to me.

A few minutes later, I heard a sensational voice, the crying sound of my baby. Every face surrounding us brightened up. The nurse came out. I thought of kissing her hands, which first touched my little angel. I am so excited to hear what she will be saying, yet before she opened her mouth I asked.

"Is my wife alright"

"Yes," she said

"You got a boy..." she told me.

All my imaginations shattered in a second; yet, I am not disappointed much. I went inside to see how my boy was. But before me, my mother took him in her lovely hands, and then she pampered him by saying her sweet words. My boy is revolving in the hands of everyone. I went near and stroked her. She smiled, but her concentration seemed to be resting over with my boy.

Finally, my white mouse's little boy came near me. I stretched my hands. My mother gently placed him in mine. He mostly took her mother's appearance and a part of mine.

I saw my hands and wondered,

"Will these things happen?"

Then I returned from my sweet imaginary dreams to the sour reality. I have been like this since from the day I joined in the job. I will be imagining my future with her. I loved doing like this, and these kinds of things made my life go.

I never expected that these years would also be adorable like my past college and school years. That was because of the good friends I have got because of the job. I realised it was the right time to propose her. I believed something that she will also love me because if she hasn't, then she would have refused to my proposal through the mail. But she has never done that. So I arrived at the conclusion that she might be afraid of her father or else for her family to accept my wish to live with her.

My each and every neuron carrying her name to and fro my brain made me to sense the threshold ecstasy. This weirdest yet tranquilising feeling induced hate of dying. And they slowly increased my hatredness towards ageing.

CLOSE YOUR EYES I AM COMING NEAR YOU:

With your gaze my heartily rose blossomed

I always feel great and wonder

To me how you happened

Like the peaceful sky hit by the thunder

The day you came into the dreams of mine

I realised that I was as in love as never before

When you smiled as if you had the same one

All I felt is that someday you would come and adore

When you were near, I never spoke because of shy

So the time got angry and flew somewhere

Oh! God Just give me the wings to fly

Since I had to catch that time back and keep it there

If you love someone and if you say

Then I will never come in your way

If you don't then come soon without any delay

As my love will be same everyday

Because who will listen to everything you talk?

Who will call you with nick name?

Who will hold your hands in all the way you walk?

Who will give you all their fame?

I will always hold you tight

Never leave you away from my sight

And will neither induce a fight

Nor argue as I am right

When your beauty wilts and when you become old

Who other than me will love you this much as I do?

The depth of my love could never be told

So you think well before you say no

Whenever I am happy, I feel thee

You are there with me as the happiness

Even if you take everything away from me

You will be still present there as the emptiness

I don't know what on earth

Could convey my love underneath

If you can't give yourself then give me myself

Which I have been, before the day I saw you (yourself)

I wrote everything which I experienced all these years and what I felt in the form of a poem. Because I thought it would be a remarkable incident in my life if I could pen all my emotions into a poem. She indeed possessed love towards poems and she might at least like my poem if not me. I still remember the day she topped in the literature.

Aeons might pass but I would be holding the poem near my heart and I would find some pleasure in reading it. If god permits me then I might be reading this to my daughter, demonstrating how I wooed her mother. This beautiful poem will always evince the enchanting music I ever heard in my life.

Then I went in search of her. First I called on her number which I have got from Syed. I found that the number he has given me been no more in use. And so for the first time in my life I went to the college she has studied.

After seeing that college I wished to study once more in the same college she studied. The day being a holiday I went to the class she studied and sat in it. The things that are used by her are loved by me more than her. These things waited for the arrival of her lover (me) knowing that I would give them importance though she was the one using them.

I asked about the details of her by saying her name. I am a little luckier to meet her classmate, who worked in the same college. He gave me some details about her. Then I went to the place, where she stayed two years back, and after a day's search, finally I got the address where her relatives has been living now.

Then I got her phone number from their relatives by pretending myself as a friend to her. At last I found that she was not far from my home. She lives just 5kms away from my home.

I came home, my parents, who thought for these two years that I have forgotten her was little shocked with my new intention. But they didn't impede my way.

The next day, I called her on the phone and heard her voice after a long time. This time I am not afraid of anything. Might those missing years have fed the courage to me?

I told her, "I am Krishna, hope you haven't forgot me. I need to talk with you tomorrow, can you come to the Lourdes Park"

She retorted me that, "Sorry tomorrow I have some important things to do. I am right now near the park only. I will come there and can you please come now."

On hearing this, my mind understood that she does not love me but my heart couldn't concede that.

Soon I went there. I saw her, long after six years. My imaginations are not good enough to imagine her, I understood on seeing her. She looked just in contrast of what I have imagined the way she will look after these years. Even nature loved her it seems because it filled her with the beauty and elegance as ages went while it takes away some charm in case of other humans. She looked more stunningly gorgeous than I imagined.

For every step that I took near her, I felt every second I am getting missed with a bullet that is pointed towards my head. I am about to stumble when I went to close to her. Mainly thinking of the answer she is going to afford me.

"Close your eyes I am coming near you; but try to see me;

Forget yourself, I am coming into you; but try to remind yourself;

Just lose yourself, I am searching myself; but try to find yourself;

Shut your ears I am going to say I love you; but try to hear me;

Imagine yourself that you are just born now

You know nothing in this world except me;

For a minute let I be yours and you be mine,

Both of us shall decide what else we need to survive

Oh! My girl, just love me or at least lie to me as you love me"

I said these to her image, which is sailing around my thoughts.....

Then I gave her the letter I wrote for her.

She is not with an intention to even read that fully.

"I know all these right from the day you proposed me through the mail. I was really surprised that you love me. I was not that much close to you. I have spoken to you only a few times...You don't know anything about me. Then how did this happen."

She expressed her bewilderment and the criteria one needed to fulfil in order to love someone.

How could she be aware that I too was wondering the same criteria, about love, which I failed to, satisfy yet happened to fall in love with her?

She shook her head in disappointment. In that moment she worried thinking about my plight. That was the only happy thing my love for her could deserve from her.

"I am not interested in you. That's why I haven't even replied your mail." She told me.

Tears were ready to flow from my eyes but I dammed them through my eyelids.

She said to me

"I love another guy and he too loves me. We are about to marry soon. So please, you go on in your way and never mingle in my path".

While hearing this, I didn't felt any differences, either physically or mentally, except that I froze while my heart melted inside. Her charismatic eyes still looked innocent. She went immediately after saying this.

I thought of calling her name but I know she will neither stop to listen to me nor turn back to see me, as she loves another person, so I left it there. My girl, who made me feel myself as nothing, had felt nothing because of me. When I hardly digested that my beloved is in love with some other and willing to spend her life with him, all I wished is that I should not have born.

A BEAUTIFUL LIFE:

_After that I went to towards the oak trees in the beach where I and Sakthi once wrote ours and our lovers' names. I went there and hugged our oak tree. In that moment I felt the same suffocating and choking effect which love offered to Sakthi on that day he proposed to his girl. The same strangling effect that took Sakthi away from us, made me fragile._

_I sat on the beach. I thought about many things, tears went down my cheeks, I felt it drop by drop. I thought about my life that was about to become dark without the love she could reciprocate. I thought about the one, whom she is going to marry, and her life with him._

_I prayed to God,_

_"_ _You made me not deserving her. At least make her to deserve the same or more amount of love, which I possess for her, from the one she is going to marry."_

_With sobs I brooded about the sin I committed for I was at last cheated and defeated in the game of love._

_Then I thought about everyone who possesses an unrequited love._

_Everyone understands the depth of their life only after falling in love with someone. But in this world everyone who loves someone doesn't always gets loved back by the same one. Now it was confirmed that she is not going to live with me anymore._

_"_ _Should I really become a drug addict in order to forget this thing or I should leave my life?"_

_NO...._

_I will never do that because I started to love my life only after I started loving her. I should never hate my life because she is not with me now. And if I do so, then there won't be any meaning in my love towards her. I feel that though she doesn't love me, I could never take her away from my life. Even if I empty my heart she will be still present in it as the emptiness._

_One may ask what the good has my love done to me. Because of her thoughts I lost my concentration on my subjects, I could not get good marks, I haven't even got a job in any of the good companies. But to live a happy all these things are not necessary. One can live a happy life even without them; once if we could understand the real meaning of our life._

_When I realised my love for her, I understood what my life is meant for... AND NOW I DON'T WISH TO MAKE MY LOVE MEANINGLESS WHICH MADE ME TO UNDERSTAND THE REAL MEANING OF MY LIFE..._

_Her love once showed me the light into my life to guide my path. I still believe that her love will be always there in guiding my life in the best way._

_I will surely marry some other girl and live a beautiful life which I thought of living with her. All women are more or less same in nature, it was my love that made her to appear as the most unique from other women._

_And it was my love towards her which taught me, how to love someone. Let that someone be the girl I am going to marry._

_If I have got her, then it will have been the happiest thing of my life. Now I haven't got her this causes the yearning and saddest thing to me. Yet I know clearly that the yearning and sadness for a happy thing that has failed to happen could be forgotten by undertaking some other happy things in my life. I will forget the sadness of not having her with me by living a beautiful life with another girl. With her affection and with my love towards her, I will convert these worries into ecstasies. In the love pond when we bend and see our image of life, our image of life will be shown as a happily only if we look on to it happily._

_I will do all these because someday in my life I want to look back and feel happy that all these great things happened because I loved her so much. I want to make myself and others including her to understand that my love for her is always been a great gift to me in making my life a beautiful one._

After spending some time at the shore, I returned to my home. I called my mother and father, they were eager to know what has happened. I went to sleep in my mother's lap. After that I explained everything to them.

My mother couldn't utter a word, because of the shocking news. Then she tried to console me by saying different things.

My father asked me

"By loving her so much, how will you love another girl after you marry her?"

"Though I loved her, my love for my mother never decreased. Like that though I love her my affection won't be decreased for the one I am going to marry. With the girl I am going to marry, I would begin my life with the thought that it should be as happy as possible", I told him.

My father said to me,

"You understood the real path of life. Tell me what kind of girl you want to marry? I will search her and show her in front of your eyes"

"Any one, but not like the 'Investigative girl' you married" I said to him.

