Do you remember the last time you felt
Rejected. Was it a guy that never returned a phone call?
Or a father that never came around was it a boss who overlooks you for a promotion?
Or maybe it was someone in your life who never thought you were good enough no matter what you did to try to impress them
We all know rejection hurts
It stings it makes us feel like we're not good enough
It causes us to question ourselves and doubt our future
I submit to you that rejection isn't something we should be afraid of
And it sure isn't something that should make us get discouraged depressed
Or work unhealthy amounts of hours just to prove to the world that we are somebody worth loving and paying attention to rather
Rejection is our friend
And not our enemy i'm going to share two ways that we can see rejection in order to leverage those moments of pain
To be the greatest catalyst to our success and proof of our value and uniqueness
the first way that we can view rejection is by seeing it as
projection
a psychological projection
a psychological projection is when someone
subconsciously employs
Undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else rather than admitting to or dealing with their own unwanted feelings
When we can see how the rejections we face may have more to do with another person's inward turmoil and not our own value
Our lives will change
Rather than shrink back get discouraged or play it safe. We'll move forward in life with confidence and high esteem
One of my most painful moments of rejection happen when I was in the third grade
I wanted to be popular to be liked to be loved and to be respected
and thankfully I was
I was in an advanced learning class, which meant that I was one of two black students in an all-white class
And this wasn't a bad thing. I was known as the cool big black kid
I was one of the smartest kids in the class people cheated off my tests
They laughed at my jokes life was great
Until one day as I was returning back to class from a bathroom break. I noticed a group of black students circled together laughing hysterically
me being the confident charismatic outgoing guy that I was
I decided I was going to go over to them and get in on the jokes
So I walked over to these students and I said hey y'all. What's so funny? No one answered. I spoke up man
What y'all over there laughing about?
And just as I was finishing my sentence one of the guys in the group turned towards me and said you're what's funny white boy
The crowd erupted in laughter and I feeling embarrassed
Ashamed and rejected returned to my class to soon learn that I was known in our school as the black kid
That talks and acts white. I allow that moment of rejection to diminish my confidence and my self-esteem
Rather than celebrate my own uniqueness. I began a long journey of changing who I was to fit in with this black community
I mean I changed the way that I dress the way that I talk the music I listen to
I haven't changed the way that I laughed and you know what it worked
They accepted me. They embraced me. I got street cred but deep down inside. I knew it wasn't me who they accepted
It was who I was pretending to be
And the more they adore this false version of me
The more rejected the real me felt the entire time you see I didn't understand that sometimes rejection is projection
A projection of someone's own fears and insecurities on to another person those students who made fun of me were deeply insecure
They were unsure of themselves
They were afraid to do anything outside of what their peers thought was acceptable and because they didn't know how to be their unique selves
They projected their fears and insecurities onto me in the form of mockery and jokes
because sometimes
talking bad about others
Makes people feel better about themselves
Honestly, they had something right about me
I was the black kid that talked and act white
and I still am
Being the black kid that talks and acts white has enabled me to be versatile as a speaker
And work with people from all different walks of life
I can speak to gang members in the street and I can speak to executives in the boardroom
I can I can help addicts live free from addiction and I can coach elite athletes to discover their purpose beyond sports
The very thing that made them reject me has become a crucial component to my success
It has made me effective at helping others and it's all because I learned to see rejection
as projection
And figured out how to use it for my good
the second way that we can see rejection is by viewing it as
protection
Protection from something or someone that isn't meant to be in our lives anymore
I learned this lesson after life rejected my dreams of playing in the nfl
I went to central michigan university on the full right scholarship to play division 1 football
sports was the way that I was going to become rich and famous so that I could
Buy my parents a house and get all of my family out of poverty
Unfortunately, I ruptured a diss in my back my freshman year and this injury ended my college career
Life had rejected all that hard work I put in
Rather than view my sports injury as protection from a career path. That wasn't the best for me
I took it personal. I felt like life hated me and spit in my face
I felt like the universe despised me and that my value was pretty much nothing without the sport that I loved
Or the recognition that I got from being an athlete rather than let sports go
I did something terrible and intense to keep my athlete dreams alive
I put my body through two years of drug addiction
pain
and sleepless nights
Because I couldn't face life on life's terms
This belief that I was a failure drove me into one of the darkest depression of my life
I became suicidal
Because I thought it would be better to end my life
Than to deal with another painful moment of rejection. It's all because I didn't understand how to handle rejection
All these attempts at suicide landed me in the psychiatric unit in detroit. Michigan
And it was there that I had a life-changing experience
That gave me hope and purpose and helped me to believe that maybe the rejection. I was experiencing
Was protection from a future that wasn't the best for me
And that maybe there was a career and a life out there for me. That was far better than what I had envisioned
So I spent the next few years researching everything I could find on purpose and meaning I read books
I took online courses. I interviewed people. I prayed I meditated I even watched a bunch of tedx talks
I started to develop new skills and explore new interests. You know what over time?
I built a life that I loved and even enjoyed more than my life as an athlete
And I would have never been able to do that if it wasn't for life completely rejecting
Or should I say protecting me?
From becoming a professional athlete. I wonder if
martin
Luther king jr. Would have ever become a great leader
If it wasn't for the rejection he experienced from his message and his mission
I wonder if apple would be one of the largest tech companies in the world
If it wasn't for steve jobs being rejected by his own company
More importantly though. I wonder what your life would look like
If you went back to your moments of rejection
And rather than cry
Get angry or bitter you analyze those moments
And reframe them
as protection
or project
Foreign
