- The devil solving crime.
It's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
No, actually, maybe you can help me.
This cosmic impotence,
the knowledge that you're
the plaything of a cruel, uncaring god,
the suffocating feeling that
everything you've ever
accomplished is meaningless.
You're the perfect person to
ask about these things, Daniel.
Are you cold?
- Cold?
No, why?
- Odd.
Given that hell was
supposed to freeze over.
(laughs)
- Right, 'cause I said that
I wouldn't have sex with you
until hell, yes, yes, you
think you're very funny.
- Oh, I know I'm very funny.
Well, in my experience, problems are like
bible salesmen or genital warts.
If you pretend they're not there,
sooner or later, they disappear.
- Lucifer, what are you doing?
- Well, I can just let Daniel
get away with shooting me.
(laughs)
An eye for an eye, or in this
case, a snake for a bullet.
- That is not a good idea.
- No?
No, no.
You're right.
(gasps)
I've got to think bigger,
I mean, it's not even poisonous.
He may be the one DJ who has
even a modicum of talent,
but then again, his
ludicrous name negates that.
I mean, Carnal, really?
Must everything be about sex?
- A murder, man, it's
like a gigantic puzzle,
only you don't know what
the corner pieces are
or what it's gonna look
like when it's done.
- You just described torture.
Trust me, I know.
- It could take hours,
days, years even, man.
- Definitely torture.
Did Klumpsky ever meet his inspiration?
Did he ever get a good look at him?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Five broken ribs, a torn rotator cuff
and It's a Small World on repeat, yeah,
I'm sure.
- Hold it.
- Oh, for crying out loud.
- I thought you said Mr. Stompanato.
Mr. is a man.
- Did you or did you not
request a gender-balanced narrative?
I'm simply following your instructions.
Thank you.
And you're never gonna be
Ryan Gosling, by the way.
- You're
incredible.
- I couldn't agree more.
♪ I'll say I never want to hurt you ♪
♪ I was just saving my skin ♪
♪ Didn't wanna desert you, but I had to ♪
♪ Or I would've drowned
while watching you swim ♪
♪ Never wanted to hurt you ♪
♪ I was just saving my skin ♪
(exciting rock music)
(yelling)
(grunting)
(yelling)
(grunting)
(yelling)
- That's enough.
(thunder crashes)
- Dad.
- See?
Lucifer 2.0.
(rock music)
