-[ Chuckles ] Hi.
I'm Taylor Mayhew,
PR here at Amazon.
Recently,
we banned the government
from using our
facial-recognition technology
for one year.
We heard you loud and clear.
You said, "Thank you,"
and, "Wait.
You guys were doing that?"
So to get ahead of things,
we're suspending
some other Amazon projects.
For the next six weeks,
we're taking a break
from shipping all of our items
in packages
that collect your DNA.
We've received
valid criticism like,
"Why does Amazon need my DNA?"
[ Chuckling ]
That's a great question.
We can't tell you.
But now we that know it's bad,
we don't want to do any more.
Also, for one week,
we're pausing production
of bubble wrap
that can hear your thoughts.
[ Energy pulsing ]
We started using
mind-reading bubble wrap
to hear from you
on how we're doing,
but now we know
you don't want bubble wrap
to use its telekinetic powers
to learn about the time
your third-grade math teacher
caught you
practicing kissing on your hand.
And, finally, when you cancel
your Prime membership,
we're gonna stop using
your keyboard
to send tiny electric zaps
to your fingers.
[ Electricity crackles ]
We thought jolting you
was a practical way
to remind you
of how wonderful
Amazon Prime is.
Instead of going, "Ow!"
you would say,
"I got free 2-day shipping
on 'Lego Batman' on Blu-ray.
I've never been happier!"
So, to show our appreciation,
we're sending
all of our loyal customers
a Teddy bear
with very large eyes
that we encourage you
to put on a shelf, facing out...
to show that we care.
Amazon.
We're listening. Always.
