It was announced today
that there was a change
in leadership at Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
Uh yeah, it's a big company.
Apparently Stephen Cooper
will no longer be the CEO,
and former Kraft Foods divisional chief,
Daryl Brewster is stepping
in to replace him.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Conan.
Did you just say Daryl
Brewster is gonna be running
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts
instead of Stephen Cooper?
Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah.
No, no, man!
That can't be happening!
(audience laughing)
Daryl Brewster's running
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts?!
There's no reason to live!
Where's my kayak?
Where's my kayak?
(grunting)
Daryl Brewster is ruining
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts!
(audience cheering and applause)
Oh my god! That poor guy!
[Brian] I'm okay! I'm okay!
Oh!
(audience cheering)
I nailed the landing, Conan!
I'm ready to see more of the show!
All right well that's great,
I'm glad you're okay.
Unfortunately your seat
has already been filled.
Yeah.
(audience laughing)
But if you want there's
still room in the back.
Sit in the back?
With those people?
Those are the worst
seats in the house, man!
If I have to sit back there,
there's no reason to live.
No reason to live!
Where's my bicycle?
(audience cheering)
Where's my bicycle?
(screaming)
Oh my god.
I never knew there was
an iron suspension bridge
outside our center.
(audience laughing)
And I've been here a long time.
I should look around more.
Well my apologies to the viewers-
I nailed the landing!
[Conan] Oh, hey!
(audience cheering)
Glad you're okay, wow.
Order up!
Okay now, you know what, I'm sorry sir,
you're just gonna have to, I'm sorry,
but you have to stop
pretending to kill yourself.
It's a big waste of time,
and it's distracting people from the show.
I can't pretend to kill myself anymore?
(audience laughing)
I'm sorry, no, you can't.
I can't pretend to kill myself?!
There's no reason to live!
[Conan] Oh, for God's sake.
Where's my train?
(audience cheering)
Where's my train?
Take me away, choo choo!
(train horn)
(audience laughing)
(explosion)
(audience cheering)
Did you say 60.5?
(audience laughing)
'Cause I thought the Institute
for Supply Management's
Index for non-manufacturing
business activity was at 59.0.
(laughs)
No, no, no, it's interesting.
Analysts predicted it would be 59.0,
but it's actually at 60.5.
Oh, no, no, no.
This can't be!
I thought it was 59.0!
There's no reason to live!
There's no reason!
Where's my kayak?
(audience cheering)
Huh, why?
(audience cheering)
No, no reason!
(audience applause and laughter)
(prolonged screaming)
Okay, now everyone settle,
I know that was upsetting,
but just relax, 'cause
we've done this before,
and usually by this time, that guy
he runs down the stairs behind the studio
and he comes through
those doors in a kayak
to say he nailed his landing,
he's fine, he's not hurt.
And uh, well this is weird.
He hasn't shown up yet.
I'm a little worried now,
I think something must
have happened this time.
Something did happen, Conan.
(audience laughing)
Something very bad.
Hi, I'm Dr. Ron Werling, with KAEMS.
KAEMS?
Yeah see, Kayak Accident
Emergency Medical Squad, KAEMS.
I'm afraid that guy didn't make it.
That's horrible.
(audience laughing)
Yes, yes, he will be missed.
No, no, no, no, no, your
costume is horrible.
(audience laughing)
it's obvious you're the same guy
who just got into the kayak,
you didn't fool anybody.
I didn't fool anybody?!
That's ridiculous,
there's no reason to live!
(audience laughing)
Where's my skateboard?
Where's my skateboard?
(audience cheering)
Come on!
(audience laughing)
(prolonged screaming)
That's terrible, that
was such a long fall,
I have to say, I don't know if
he could have survived that.
He didn't, Conan.
(audience laughing)
Hi, I'm Don Werling, from SPADUA.
SPADUA?
Yeah see, Skateboard Accidental
Death Undertakers Association.
(audience laughing)
We just buried that guy.
I have three things to say right now.
One, we know it's still you, you idiot.
(audience laughing)
Two, this is the worst sketch
I've ever been a part of.
(audience laughing)
And three, this is the
biggest waste of time
in the history of television.
(audience laughing)
Biggest waste of time?!
There's no reason to live!
(audience laughing)
Where are my balloons?
(audience cheering)
Where are my balloons?
(prolonged screaming)
(audience cheering)
I have to be honest with you,
May is my favorite month to be in Chicago,
because during the month
of May, it's interesting,
the average temperature
is 59, and there are
only 10 partly cloudy days
in a month, which I think is nice.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Did you say there's 10 partly cloud days,
'cause I thought it was
nine partly cloudy days.
And I'm a total idiot, and
there's no reason to live, man!
Where's my kayak?
(audience cheering)
Gotta go!
(audience cheering)
There's no reason to live!
(audience laugher and applause)
(prolonged screaming)
I am, folks, I am so sorry you all
had to witness that incredible tragedy.
It's okay, it's okay.
(audience cheering)
Nailed the landing, Conan!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You fell down a mountain, and then
you came back at a higher elevation?
(audience laughs)
That's idiotic, that
defies the laws of physics!
It defies the laws of physics?!
Oh God, there's no reason to live!
Where's my 10 speed bicycle?
Gotta, go, gotta go.
(audience cheering)
No reason to live!
(audience laughing)
(prolonged screaming)
I wanted these shows to be special.
I'm really sorry you all had to see that.
That's too bad.
It's okay Conan, I nailed it!
(audience cheering)
Sit down!
I did it x-games style!
Now wait a minute.
Who cares, falling off a mountain,
falling off a bridge, all of this
has nothing to do with Chicago!
Nothing to do with Chicago?!
Well where's the car I
parked in Marina Towers?
(audience cheering)
Oh my God!
Gotta go!
(audience cheering)
Oh my God!
(audience cheering)
Oh my God, I'm outta here!
(audience laughing)
(prolonged screaming)
(splash)
(audience cheering)
All right, all right then.
He's finally dead.
