Every time I wake up I look in the mirror, and I say that's acceptable and move on
It's a pretty good pretty good mantra anytime. You're like struggling with a test in school
Shake your head snap back to your senses and tell yourself. It's okay Carson. I'm acceptable
I'm doing
Fine I am getting by on achieving the bare minimum
got killed by literally Bill Nye
Looked out he couldn't just make it Bill Nye he had to make it literally bill night
Just to drive the point home that he's actually Bill Nye. I want people going around saying. I'm some metaphor for Bill Nye all right
Yeah, I don't want people being like
Bill Nah
[Two retards laughing]
What do you think Bill Nye says when someone offers him drugs Oh bill nah
[Laughing again]
Why is your name Irmm
I am Irmm
You got a little tired when he was when he was writing out his name
Sp its just uhh its just Irmm [Also very annoying background noice]
Alexa look up ''Irmm wrestling''
Alexa look up three stacked midget in an overcoat pretending to be one stacked midget in three overcoats
Siri look up Rhombus porn
Siri look up hot parallelograms in my area yeah, Siri, please look up
triangle love triangle
 
[Once again laughter]
I can't top that this is over
His name is just Huu
It's what?
Shut up
Stop I
Already knew what you were gonna do just stop
Talking about just just cut it off right there
Your mic sounds like a fucking taco shell
Prunes
I think that's pretty funny actually Thanks
Prunes are not funny when it comes to things not being funny prunes are at the top of the list
I have a list of the least funny words in the English language and at the very top is prunes
I'm sorry. I'm prune to making bad jokes Alexa. Why Chinese new year different
Alexa why paper cut cut me but not the paper
Alexa why myspace also other people's space?
If you call it when a bowling professional beats his wife a strike
What do you call it when they eventually divorce a splint What do you call it when they get back together a spare
What do you call it when a bowler eats his vegetables?
a-spare-agus
What do you call it when a bowling professional becomes a lawyer, what? copyright strike
It's not good
What do you call it when a bowler it becomes a lawyer and then gets an STD
DMCAIDS Siri lookup, can I get an STD from a bowling ball?
What do you call a translator who really likes to eat tater tots an interpre-tator
No
All right wreck you're the reason suicide shouldn't be illegal
Why doesn't Superman have his own version of the bat-signal the super signal?
People who look up in the sky and be like that's pretty that's super dumb
Yeah, you can't make that joke about it above the bat-signal. They're like that's bad dumb
Wait a second that doesn't work
What kind of alternate reality do we live in
What kind of sad existance
If you were if you were a dog calendar every dog picture would be cute
What was that?
That was so sad
Damn, first time subtitling, for Carson boys, Have a good one
