
Two Secrets and a Chase © 2013, 1997 Christa Bedwin

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be republished in any form or by any means without written permission from the publisher.

CIP data on file.

Sola Rosa Romance is an imprint of Sola Rosa Publishing. Our mission is to publish only books that make people feel good or help them live better.

You can contact the author, the publisher, the book designer, the cover designer, and various other publishing professionals through solarosapub@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you.

Live well, spread happiness. We all have the ability to bring light to the world and to encourage others with our kindness.

ISBN 978-0-9918976-2-9

Book design by Aaron Dalton.

Cover design by Sean Young.

Cover photo by Christa Bedwin.

# Other Books by Christa Bedwin

This book is part of a trilogy:

  * _The Celtic Coast Connection_ Jane and Rory's story (Nova Scotia and Alberta)
  * _Lanette of the Land_ Lanette and Rob's story (prairies and mountains of Alberta)
  * _Two Secrets and a Chase_ Carrie and Joe's story (Alberta and Australia)

# Coming soon

  * _Her Touch_ : Meg and Andrew's story (Australia and China)
  * Mariko and Mac's story (Vancouver)

This book is dedicated to three strong and generous women who helped me believe in myself enough to start getting these books of mine out there (and what a tale it is of planting seeds and taking years for them to germinate!).

**Sheila Wawanash** , who I first met at a professional editors' conference about a decade and a half ago (I'm one of those, too), and who seriously furthered my editing career by passing on some job connections that spun into years of freelance work. She even found me a publisher for these novels of mine (fell through for other reasons, never mind, the experience was confidence-building). Introductions are everything! If you ever have a chance to connect/introduce people, do. It can change their lives.

**Hilary Sares** , who was an acquisitions publisher with Kensington Publishing when she told me nearly a decade (oh my goodness, already? I guess so!) ago "You have lived with integrity. People will want to read what you have to write." I have more stories to tell, many more, and I will. Just took me some time to find the confidence and a way to put these out there I guess.

And I hope that some day I'll cross paths with Hilary again. She's a lovely, wonderful, inspirational person who deserves all the best life has to offer. I wasn't only inspired because she was in a position of huge power and she believed in me, but because of her own life story (dramatic and illustrative of all that a great woman can be in our modern times) and her easy-going, honest, generous way of being.

**Shelley Goldbeck** , who came into my life only two years ago, and pushed me and kept pushing me to get these books published. So here they are, thanks mainly to Shelley. They would probably still be in the closet if it hadn't been for her encouragement. Encouraging words can change the world. Give them whenever you can, I say.

_And_ for all the other female mentors, mom figures, wise women, and girlfriends who have encouraged me along the way. We all have the opportunities to make each other feel good. Try to do a little of that every day. :) Grownups as well as kids. We all need kind words and smiles to keep growing.

I am happy to say that our heroine, Carrie, has enough belief in herself and what she can do. Now, if we could just convince her to believe in Joe again...
Dear Readers,

I wrote this book _back in the way back_ , before Google was invented, and I used the terms and vocabulary I heard while travelling Carrie's path in Australia, and that are local to where she lived in Canada.

One of my favourite things about reading romance novels has always been reading about wonderful exotic destinations. Arm chair travel at its most delicious. I learn about new foods, places I want to go, things people say, things people do. What fun.

I hope that if you haven't been to Australia or Canada yet, you might google some of the unfamiliar terms. As I read this book now, a decade and a half after I wrote (and lived) it, the words seem full of magic. Field of spinifex. Green ant on a gum tree. Cockatoos and jabirus and pink galahs. Sigh. There truly is nowhere like the outback. Thanks to Google image search, you can get some lovely pictures all along Carrie's crazy race through the Outback (back in the day, I had to make do with a battered paperback dictionary for my armchair travel—remember those?)

Canmore, the Canadian Rocky Mountain town where Carrie and Joe live, is a very special real place too, and though very much more populated than when I first wrote this book, still gorgeous, and still full of tough, outdoorsy mountain sports types just like the ones you'll read about here. Famous for skiing, hiking, wildlife, and warm cafes full of tanned, smiling people. (If you're ever travelling to Banff and Lake Louise, Canada, consider staying in Canmore.)

I hope you enjoy this book. I would love to hear from you at solarosapub@gmail.com.

Yours in Adventure,

Christa Bedwin

# Chapter One

"I hear Joe was out with Shalimar again on Saturday," Lanette said. She and Carrie were sitting with their feet up on the balcony of their apartment, having a cool drink and watching the sun set over the mountains.

"Good for Joe," Carrie said.

"You're not fooling me," Lanette said. "You look like you've been sucker-punched every time you hear his name. Why don't you fight for him at least a little bit?"

Carrie snorted. "You've seen Shalimar. I don't have that kind of sultry beauty."

Lanette snorted back at her. "It's only skin deep with that one. And you know darn well that you're attractive enough—you used to know that, at least. Besides, it isn't only Shalimar. He's been dating lots of women."

"Except me," Carrie reminded her.

"Exactly! Don't you think that means something?"

Carrie sighed wearily. "Lanette, we've been over this before. If Joe really wanted to be with me instead of those other girls, he would be. He always made time for me when we were friends. Now suddenly he's too busy. He just doesn't want to see me."

"Maybe not," Lanette argued. "Maybe that one night between you meant just as much to him, as it has to you. Maybe now he cares more than before, and he's afraid to talk to you."

"Afraid? Fearless Joe Bantrim? Get real, Lanette."

"Don't you at least want your friendship with him back? How do you know he's not pining for you in the same way you are for him?"

"I'm getting better," Carrie insisted.

"You're getting better at hiding it. But you still want him like crazy, no matter how much it hurts. Carrie, you've got to do _something_! I'm just so tired of seeing you moping around."

Carrie stared blankly at the table while she fiddled with the beer bottle, peeling the sticky label off. "Like what?" she asked morosely.

"How about telling him how you feel?"

"No. That would only embarrass him, Lanny, and then things really _would_ be worse than they are now. This is a small town. I can't just go flaunting my feelings in front of the whole community. You know how gossip spreads here."

"Do you really think they're not gossiping about you already?" Lanette demanded.

Carrie gave her a sharp look.

"Everyone knows you two were good friends. Now you pass each other on the street and barely nod hello. In the old days you would have stopped to chat with each other for half an hour."

"Maybe we're just busy," Carrie insisted.

"Come on, Carrie. You can fool some of the people, some of the time, but you can't fool all of us, for this long."

"So what do you expect me to do? Act blasé and casual and cheerful? I'm sorry, but I just _cannot_ make easy conversation with him. I have tried, you know."

"But not lately, Carrie. It's been nearly a year since that night. Joe seems to be friendly enough whenever he has seen you recently. It doesn't seem to me like he's pushing you away."

Carrie blew her breath out in frustration. "Can't you see? That's exactly it. He's acting just like he always did. Nothing has changed, as far as he's concerned. It was all a bit of fun for him. But that's not how it was for me."

"But have you ever let him know that, Carrie? Maybe he's just waiting for a sign from you."

"I've never seen Joe wait for a sign from anyone, before going after what he wants. I won't do it, Lanette."

"Well, then, why don't you give him a jolt the other way? Leave town, and force him to realize how much he misses you."

"If I was smart, I would just leave town, and stay gone, find someone else."

"Hmmm...That's not such a bad idea. Get away from everything for a while. It might put some life back in you. You've been so glum lately, you've been bringing me down, too."

The idea began to take shape in Carrie's mind. "You know, I have been so busy working and saving up to open my own café, that I haven't been out of the country in years. I love the Rockies, but a change of scene might be just the thing to clear Joe out of my head once and for all."

"If travel won't clear it, nothing will," Lanette agreed. "I ought to know." Lanette had been a travel agent before starting the horse training business she ran now, and had travelled half the countries in the world. "I am sure I can use some old contacts to get you a bargain on tickets...there is no need to blow all of your savings for your business. You could even classify it as research, before you open your own establishment. Write it off for taxes, maybe."

Carrie smiled, pleased that at last she had a plan to do something positive about getting over Joe. "That's a good idea! And not so far-fetched, after all. It would be interesting to know how other small business owners set their own cafés up, to get some feel about how they have succeeded, and failed, and learn from that."

"Good! I'm glad you like it. And it's such a good cover story, even the town gossips won't be able to pick at it. Now, where do you want to go?"

"You're the travel agent, Lanette. What do you suggest?"

Lanette suggested they make a list of Carrie's priorities, and that Carrie spend a few days researching the places she was interested in, and mulling over her choice. It was work Carrie did gladly. At least it seemed like a step forward, to get her out of the rut she'd been in for the past year, waiting for something to happen with Joe.

The night their lives changed had started so innocently. Carrie had been working at the front desk of a mountain resort, helping any guests who needed local information or to book tours. She had always been a friendly girl and enjoyed meeting people and helping them get the most out of their holidays in her part of the world. She also loved the location—right in the cradle of the Rockies. Although she had grown up living in the city of Calgary, from an early age, she had spent all of her free time in the mountains.

When the staff of the hotel had decided to have a party to celebrate the summer solstice, it had not been unusual at all that several mountain sport guides, including Joe, had dropped by. The back-country community was tightly knit. Many of the group had been friends for a decade or more, as she and Joe were. The atmosphere was congenial and easy.

After a particularly fast dance together, Joe suggested going outside for some air.

"Good idea," Carrie agreed. "It's beginning to smell like sweaty ski boots in here." The drawback to mountain resorts—sometimes the smell of winter wet never really went away.

They wandered into the lovely, moonlit garden area of the hotel, talking and laughing and teasing as they had always done. When they reached the waterfall, they paused and fell silent. Carrie sat down on the cleverly placed rocks and leaned her head back. She stared up at the clear night and the stars for a while, then closed her eyes, absorbing the calming sound of the water and the noises of the party in the background. She was startled when she opened her eyes again, to see Joe looking intently at her.

"You're beautiful tonight, Carrie."

Because the intensity of his gaze and the rough, raw note of honesty in his voice scared her, she teased him. "You're as drunk as I am!"

"I am not!" He retorted. "I have only had a few."

"Sure," she mocked. Her tone was disbelieving.

"Look, I'll walk the straight line to show you," he offered, and stood up on the rocks that formed a side of the ornamental pool.

"Joe!"

His eyes never left hers as he put one foot in front of the other, walking inexorably nearer and nearer to where she sat. Her heart pounded faster and harder with every step he took.

"Okay, okay, that's enough! I believe you, Joey." She used his old childhood name in an attempt to dispel the very adult tension she could feel surrounding them.

"Oh, no. Never let it be said that Joe Bantrim backed down from a challenge," he insisted, and continued moving nearer to her. "I always go all the way..."

Every muscle in Carrie's body screamed at her to move out of his path, but she was fascinated, held paralyzed by his eyes.

Finally he stood only a breath away. "Now I get to claim my prize," he asserted, and took her hand.

"What prize?" she demanded but her voice came out breathless rather than teasing, as she had intended it to be.

"Well, I won. I proved I could walk the line." His tone implied that what he said was completely logical, and it didn't seem fair to resist. She allowed herself to be drawn up until she was standing, nearly pressed against him.

"I have always liked that you're a tall girl," he murmured. At five foot ten, the top of her head was just level with his nose, and his breath teased her hair. Her heart, which she was sure had stopped, began to race.

"Carrie?" he asked, and she couldn't help but lift her face to his. He lowered his lips to capture hers, and her eyes fluttered closed. His kiss was soft and exploratory and delicious, and her body pressed closer to his of its own volition. When his tongue touched her lips, her body jerked, and he lost his balance. Over they both went—splash!—into the pond.

Joe's arms stayed around her and he had twisted so that she hadn't hurt herself when they fell. Now he pulled her upright, so they were both sitting on the bottom of the shallow pool.

"Are you all right?" he gasped.

"I think so. But I guess you fail the straight line test after all. You must be drunk," _to kiss me,_ she thought, but didn't say it.

"You're the one who made us fall!" he protested, and then they were both giggling helplessly, still in each other's arms.

"Come on," he said, and pulled her to a standing position. When they were again standing beside the pool, looking at each other foolishly, he asked, "Do you, er, have a pair of sweat pants or something I could borrow to put on that's dry? It is a little chilly out here, after all."

Carrie noticed that a breeze was coming off the mountains and shivered a little herself. "Sure," she said, and then astonished herself by thinking that she wouldn't mind if he just took his wet clothes off, and left them off. _And what a crazy drunken notion that is!_

They scurried arm in arm towards her room in the staff residence, shivering slightly.

Inside, she went straight to her dresser and took out her biggest, baggiest sweat suit. "Here. I hope it fits. The guys' bathroom is one floor up."

"Thanks," he said. When he left, she found another fuzzy warm sweat suit and changed before vigorously towelling her hair dry. She told herself that the goose bumps on her skin and the tremors that shook through her were due to the cold, and not worry about what would happen when Joe came back.

_He kissed me,_ she thought, a little dazed. She wasn't sure what to think. This was Joe, her long-time friend. Yet...wowza. Two voices warred inside her, one warning of protecting their friendship, and the other saying to heck with the consequences, and begging for a repeat of that delicious, but far too brief, closeness.

He came back, carrying his wet clothes, only wearing the bottoms of the sweat suit.

"Sorry," he explained, "but the top was too small."

"I can see why," she said, then blushed for having said that and for the way she had an irresistible urge to keep looking at his chest, and maybe, even, to touch it. Unbidden, images surged into her mind of her fingers tracing the curve of his pectoral, then back and forth across his ribs, and lower...

_Why is this happening now? I've seen Joe's chest before._ Plenty of times, in fact, with all the outdoor rafting adventures they'd been on, and other sports over the years. But now, alone in her room, his muscles turned from a mere part of Joe, sporting machine, to Joe, electrically sexy, crackling...

She stopped thinking altogether when Joe dropped his wet clothes on the floor beside hers and moved to take her in his arms.

"You're still shivering," he murmured. "That's no good." His big hands moved warmly up and down her back, and the heat flowed from his chest instantly to the center of her.

"I, uh, we...should put those clothes in the dryer," she managed after a bit.

"Mmm, yeah," he sighed, and ceased moving his hands on her, a fact which she immediately regretted. "I guess you're right."

He released her and she moved across the room to pick up the dripping mass. "I'll be right back," she promised, and wished her voice didn't sound so eager.

"I'll be here," he promised, and the tone of his voice sent shivers up and down her spine.

In the laundry room, she shook her head. Her mind struggled to function. _What is happening here?_

_Nothing unusual, just me and Joe hanging out. Like always. He's just a little drunk. I always heard he was a ladies' man. I guess I'm finding out what that means._ She was surprised at the stab of jealousy that shot through her when she realized that she must be just one of many women Joe would have been with so intimately, bare-chested in a small room. _I'll just keep it neutral and calm,_ she decided. _This is Joe. Nothing to worry about. We've known each other ages. He's not really interested, it's just the alcohol. I'll soon fend him off._

_But do I want to?_ a treacherous little voice asked. She stomped the pesky voice down as she returned to her residence room.

"It shouldn't take the clothes too long to dry. Are you warm enough without a shirt?"

"You don't happen to have any bigger shirts, though, do you?"

She shook her head ruefully. "No, but you could wrap a blanket around yourself."

"I've got a better idea." He reached for her hand, and pulled her into his arms. "You keep me warm, how about that?" He nuzzled her neck with his cold nose and she squeaked. "Mmmm...that's better."

"Joe, what's happening?" Carrie struggled in his grasp, trying to get back the perspective she thought she'd won in the laundry room, but he held her fast.

"I don't know," he confessed. "I'm just so hungry for you, Carrie." At his words, a slow fire ignited inside her, and all thought flew out the window as he kissed her neck, her ear, her jaw, and, finally, her mouth. Feeling exploded inside her, and suddenly she knew what had always been, but she'd never faced: _It's Joe. It has always been Joe._

With the release of that knowledge came a freedom from all her inhibitions, and she began to respond fiercely, passionately, to Joe's caresses.

Her fingertips moved over his back, molding and tracing the muscles there—shapes that had been familiar to her eyes for years, but which were fascinatingly, wonderfully new.

A low, sexy growl of pleasure came from deep within him, and she felt a response surge within her.

"Joe," she whispered, but there was no question this time, just satisfied, wonder and joy.

"Carrie," he said, deeply, pulling her sweatshirt off to look at her. "You're so lovely," he murmured, casting the shirt aside and leaning down to take a rosy-tipped breast in his mouth, making her gasp. She was ravished by the feelings flooding through her, powerless to stop him, unable to think. She was filled with more need than she had ever known...a need to touch him, to press her skin against his, to find the power to make him moan again in that helpless way, as if the same bewildering feelings must be rushing through him.

She struggled to get up on top, and he let her. Her fingers learned all the lines of his body that her eyes had known for years, and it was all wonderfully, terrifyingly new. The line of the muscle on his shoulder blade that always bunched when he carried a canoe over his head was a magical new path for her finger, quivering as the skin of her finger dragged along it. It seemed that the dips between his ribs had been exactly designed for the lap of her tongue.

There was a strange pace to their lovemaking...urgent, yet slow. They wanted to discover everything, but each action needed to be savored, delighted in. Joe lay utterly still as her mouth and hands learned the shape of his torso, but when her mouth neared his, he captured it in a soul-consuming kiss, while his big hands came up to grip her ribcage and hold her tightly to him. "Carrie."

"Carrie!" he groaned, as he lifted her slightly to kiss her neck, her collarbones, and then her breasts. She gasped as he held her there, above him, and tormented the smooth mounds with his tongue. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me, girl?" he demanded.

He lowered her so that the lower half of her body met his, and arched to prove his point. "Oh!" she gasped, as the warmth of his body pressed against hers.

"Yes, oh," he said gruffly. He rolled slightly so that they lay side by side, and his hands started fires as they slid along her body, down, and further down, taking the rest of her clothes with them. When she was completely naked he paused and looked at her until she grew impatient and reached to do the same to him. He helped her in getting rid of the sweatpants. She caught her breath and her eyes went wide when she finally saw what was underneath.

She reached out shyly to touch him and he groaned with pleasure. "Oh, Carrie. I've never felt this way before. You make me feel so good."

"Me, too."

It was a wonderful to discover the amazing way that his body fit hers so perfectly. The two forms she had always thought of as machines of muscle and bone for purposes of work and sport had suddenly become two beautiful instruments, creating a symphony of pleasure and filling her mind with all the rainbows of an unknown fantasy world.

They loved long into the night, devouring each other, ravenous for more, and yet more, until they fell, finally, utterly exhausted, asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

When Carrie awoke in the morning, she felt a deep, abiding contentment. She noted by the light coming in the window that it was a cloudy, stormy mountain day, but it seemed that the universe must have made an error. She felt more sunshine inside her than she had ever known could exist.

_Joe._

_I thought I was happy before,_ she mused. _But that didn't touch this. I had no idea what I was missing._

He had been surprised when he had discovered she was a virgin, but he had been so marvellously warm and loving that she felt sure he loved her in return.

_Love._ She rolled the word around inside, adoring the feel of it.

_Twelve hours ago, I had no idea,_ she marvelled. _How could I have been so close to him and not known about this magic between us for so long?_

She contemplated the past years of her relationship with Joe. Certainly the friendship between them had only deepened over the years. But when had it changed to love?

She hugged herself in joy, nearly exploding with the marvel of her emotions. _I'll ask Joe when he wakes up,_ she thought. _I wonder when he knew he loved me?_

Suddenly she realized that they hadn't even used protection. The passion had swept all rational thought aside.

_But I wouldn't mind having Joe's baby, at all._ She smiled.

_All this knowledge,_ she marvelled. It felt as though a magical jewel box had opened inside her soul, and filled her world with rainbows of never-before-imagined beauty.

Content, she snuggled closer to the warm, strong body beside her and drifted back to sleep.

_To think that I never knew!_

_Incredible!_

Joe woke up in the unfamiliar surroundings of Carrie's residence room and stiffened. Instantly wide awake, memories of last night swamped his mind.

_Oh my God...what have I done?_

_Carrie..._ Guilt washed over him as he turned his head to look tenderly at the blonde head resting so sweetly, so trusting, beside him. _My dear friend...I've stolen your innocence._ He knew, instinctively, that this would not be a mere bit of light fun for her.

Pleasure and the primal, elemental satisfaction at having been her first lover mingled with guilt in his gut. _Oh, Carrie, I should have known...What kind of a friend am I? What was I thinking?_

_I guess that I wasn't thinking. That's the problem._

He was still struggling with remorse at the enormity of what he had done when she opened her eyes. The soft, sleepy blue orbs were so peaceful, so innocent, that his heart clenched inside his chest.

"I'm sorry, Carrie..." He watched the pleasure in her eyes on waking up, turn to confusion and pain.

_She has just realized what I've done to her,_ he thought.

"You're _sorry?_ " her voice trembled, and his heart broke for her. "What do you mean? Are you saying that you _regret_ last night?" Two huge, fat tears rolled down her face. Angrily, impatiently, she brushed them away.

"No, Carrie..."

"What, Joe? You do, or you don't? What are you trying to say?" The tears still glittered in her eyes, but he saw her inner strength begin to take over the soft beauty he'd woken up beside. He couldn't help admiring her, and felt his passion surging up again. He ignored it.

"No, Carrie, of course I don't regret it. It was...a lot of fun," he improvised. _It was a hell of a lot more than fun,_ he thought, but couldn't find any better words to describe what he felt he had no right to feel. "But you're just not that kind of girl."

"It was fun, but I'm just not _that_ kind of girl," Carrie repeated quietly. "Well, pardon me." She lay still for a moment, and he almost thought she might cry. Instead, she slipped out of the bed and jerked some clothes over her lovely body, apparently too incensed to care if he watched or not.

Joe had never seen her as angry as she seemed now. _What can I say to make it better?_ he despaired. _I should have just kept my pants on in the first place._

"I'm going to have a shower," Carrie stated. "I would appreciate it if you could clear out before I get back." Her blue eyes were pure steel, and he flinched, wishing miserably he could undo the wrong he'd done.

He wrote her a note before he left.

_What can I say to make it better?_

She had e-mailed him a reply.

_There is nothing to say, Joe. I have never blamed you for your honest emotions before, and I am not about to begin, now. You can't change the way you feel, any more than I can, Carrie._

They had not had a proper conversation since. It was as if the friendship had ceased to exist that morning. She had anguished over the loss of her best friend every day since.

_If only I could stop thinking of him._

Sometimes she wished she knew of a way to make things better, to get their friendship back. Other times, she hated him for not loving her as she loved him. Between that, there was the agony of hearing that Joe seemed to be dating as usual...or maybe even more than usual. He never seemed to see the same girl more than twice, as she knew all too intimately thanks to the grapevine. It was like an illness that wouldn't go away, and at times, she just wished she could forget. The worst times were when she couldn't stop wishing that he _would_ love her in return. Those nights were rough. Hating him was better.

_A year of this behavior has been more than enough,_ Carrie decided. Moving on was the best plan, and now Lanette had given her a way to do it. What better way to forget Joe, than to travel? She would see new and exciting things, and she would be away from the gossip, from the knowledge of who he was dating and where he'd been out to. Far from the temptation of knocking on his door, just once, to see what he'd say. She wanted to go far enough to escape the fear that one of these days, when she passed him on Main Street, all of her feelings would come bursting out of her and everyone in town would be there to witness it.

Travel was definitely a good idea. Maybe she'd even stay there, wherever she ended up. She doubted she could love any place as much as her Rockies, but it was worth a try. Anything better than this slow, almost sick, depression she seemed to be sinking into.

Carrie opened the bottle of wine and finished chopping the vegetables, ready to sauté. Lanette and she had planned a special dinner both to discuss Carrie's trip, and to say farewell to their year in this apartment. Lanette would soon be moving in with Rob, who was part-owner of the outdoor adventure guiding company with Joe.

_It's perfect timing, really,_ Carrie thought. _Lanette's moving out, anyway, and I would probably go twice as crazy if I was living alone in this town with Joe so close, yet so far._ For years now, she'd been planning to open a café when she had the money saved, but lately, she didn't feel the enthusiasm she knew she would need to succeed in that venture. She had always faced the world with a smile and plenty of gusto, but over the past months her energy had seemed to leak out through her broken heart.

_Nothing has been really fun, this year,_ Carrie admitted. _I've got to get over this love sickness, first. Then life will be fun, again, the way it always used to be._

_I hope._ Even her long-cherished plans to start her own café had lost their zest. She had continued her savings plan—in fact, had saved more than ever as she seemed to be socializing less and less these days, but the giddy excitement she used to feel at creating her own warm, "tasteful and tasty" space to welcome friends and travellers just wasn't there anymore. Lanette's idea to go tour cafés elsewhere in the world was brilliant. Hopefully through seeing what others had created, she would get her spark back.

"I'm ho-ome!" Lanette carolled from the doorway, interrupting Carrie's thoughts.

"Good! Are you hungry?"

"As a horse!" Lanette laughed. "Just let me grab a shower, and I'll be right there."

Carrie heated the pan and tipped the vegetables into it, and scooped the coconut rice into molded shapes on the plate. Cooking was a great passion of hers, and always helped her to think.

_Maybe I should have one stab at telling Joe my feelings before I go,_ she thought. But her heart and her stomach clenched at the thought. Though she might escape the immediate gossip by leaving town, the fear of his reaction was just too much. With every day, then week and month, that had passed since she and Joe had been together, the possibility of resolving their differences seemed more and more remote. It was just too hard. Lanette had called her a coward more than once, and by now, Carrie knew, Lanette was probably right. But for the life of her, she just couldn't change that.

She shook her head to try to clear it. Thinking about her own deficiencies still wasn't doing her any good. She knew that. She knew she had to put on a brave, happy face if things were ever going to get better. Dwelling on her troubles wasn't solving anything.

So she looked up and smiled her biggest, most genuine smile as Lanette strolled into the kitchen, dressed in clean jeans and a warm red and blue flannel shirt. "Mmmm. It smells delicious in here. I'm going to miss your cooking, Carrie."

"And I'm going to miss your dish-washing abilities!" she returned teasingly. "It's a good thing we've decided to send me travelling...I don't think I would want to live here alone, after all the fun we've had this past year. You're moving on to Rob, but..."

"You'll have a great time, too," Lanette insisted. "Just wait until you get on that airplane and start meeting some new people. You'll blow that old guy out of your system in no time."

As Lanette set the table, lit the candles, and poured two glasses of wine, Carrie heated the pan to a sizzling temperature, then tossed in the veggies and chicken. Lanette wandered over to watch as she tossed in the ginger, garlic, and finally a dash of sauce at the end, then expertly turned the mixture onto the plates beside the perfect mounds of rice she'd created earlier.

With an unconscious flourish, she arranged a few pea sprouts and a bright round yellow stemless dandelion flower over the rice to finish the presentation. She began to pick the plates up to carry them to the table, but Lanette stopped her. "Wait, wait!" She dashed into the bedroom and came back with her camera. "I've been taking this beautiful thing you do for granted, Carrie, but you really make beautiful meals. I don't know anyone else who bothers to make every morsel of food so pretty!" She snapped a few shots, then finally let Carrie take them to the table.

"Just think!" said Lanette as they sat down, "of all the amazing flowers and garnishes you'll be able to try out abroad!"

Carrie tilted her head. "Yeah, that _is_ cool," she said. I didn't think about that. I'll be able to actually taste some of those ideas I see in food magazines."

Lanette heard a little hesitation in her voice. Normally, tough ranch girl that she was, she didn't spend much time complimenting people, but Carrie needed a lift, and Lanette knew that her friend needed to get on that airplane with the right attitude, or the trip could be a disaster.

"You know," she mused, "It's a good thing you're so attractive. That always helps when you're travelling. I mean, you're not just good-looking. You're also, well, approachable."

Carrie looked up from her plate and stopped chewing. "Do you really think so?"

Lanette grabbed her arm and dragged her over to the hall mirror. "Look! You're gorgeous! A nice mop of curly blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and that mouth!" Here, Lanette made a funny Marilyn-type moue into the mirror. "I don't know how you manage to keep it looking so full and sexy, yet so cheerful, at the same time."

Carrie looked at her in surprise.

"Honestly!" Lanette admitted. "I've tried practicing it in the mirror, but I just can't make my mouth look anywhere near as sexy as yours. And you don't even need lipstick, it's so red." She sighed, and went back to her intense study of Carrie's visage in the mirror. "Of course, you do have a hint of tragedy about your eyes, now. This year has hurt you, hasn't it, doll?" She one-arm hugged Carrie's shoulder. "A year ago, you never would have doubted that you're attractive. It just seems that your confidence has gone right out the window. It makes me itch to hire some goons to rough up Joe Bantrim, until he sees good sense. But he's one of the company's best guides, so I can't." Lanette's fiancé Rob owned the company Joe worked for.

She looked back at the mirror, remembering where she'd left off. "That little tragic downturn at the corner of your eyes, now, though, it's not all bad. It makes you seem...well, deep, and mysterious."

She lifted Carrie's arms and made her pirouette in front of the mirror. "And you've still got a great body, too. No wonder, with all those mountains you've been climbing lately. Honestly, you have been obsessed," she sighed. "I guess you have to keep your mind off your troubles somehow."

"Yep," she pronounced, apparently finished, "you'll do just fine on the travel circuit. When those foreign men get a look at you, you'll have dates all the time."

Lanette hadn't left her time to get a word in edgewise, but Carrie didn't know what to say, anyway, except, "I think the dinner's getting cold."

The two girls made their way back to the table and ate with enjoyment.

"Mmm, you always know just how to spice it," Lanette commented.

Carrie smiled, used to compliments on her cooking, but glad that she had the ability to give others pleasure this way.

"So," Lanette asked between mouthfuls, "have you decided where you want to go?"

"Well, I think I have narrowed it down, but I'd still like your advice. I think either Europe, or Australia. I haven't been travelling at all, really, so I thought you might know better."

"Well, how far away from home _do_ you want to be? Australia's about as far as you can get. It takes at least a full day and night's travel, and sometimes more, depending on the transfers you make."

"Maybe that's a good thing," Carrie mused. "The farther I am from Joe and everything familiar here, the less tempted I'll be to come back. I really think I should just jump in the deep end and learn to swim on my own for a while."

Lanette nodded through a mouthful of noodles, and waved her chopsticks in the air while she finished chewing, indicating she had a point to make.

"On the other hand, it depends what kind of cafés you want to research. Europe will probably have more quaint little ones, certainly more old ones."

"Hmmm...I thought that, too. But is it more expensive to travel in Europe, than Australia?"

"It can be. It depends how you budget it. I think you should do whatever you want to, and not worry about that. You have enough money to last quite a while."

"I know," Carrie sighed. "But I don't want to give up on my café completely. And every penny I spend, I will eventually have to earn back."

"I guess that's true." Lanette took another bite of the stir-fry. "Maybe you could patent some of your recipes. This is delicious!"

Carrie smiled wryly. "It's just out of that stir-fry book in the kitchen, Lanny. I know people like my cooking, enough for me to serve them in a café, but I'm not so unique that I could make a zillion on the open market."

"I'm not sure about that. It sure never tastes this good when I try the same recipes," Lanette insisted. "But I guess I should encourage you to stay local...I'm looking forward to eating at your café!"

Carrie smiled, glad of her friend's support. She knew without arrogance that many people in the community felt the same way, and her resolution faltered. "Maybe I should just stay here and start the café. Am I crazy to be going travelling?"

Lanette shook her head. "No, you aren't. You haven't been yourself this past year. There's no doubt you need to do something about it. You need medicine, period, and travel is great medicine."

Carrie sighed, and Lanette pushed at her arm and ducked her head to look in Carrie's downcast eyes. "Not just travel, but FUN! You know, thinking about that, Australia is a great choice. Lots of young people moving around, friendly, tons of travellers and hostels and adventures to be had. You need fun more than anyone I can think of lately, my friend."

Carrie smiled her brave smile again. "I know you're right."

"I still wonder if you're right about Joe not caring, but, even if he does, I think he's been acting like a total jerk. He deserves to lose you. Considering how much courage he seems to have about everything else, it seems to me that he could at least have the guts to call you, or drop by some time. Since he's not, I agree that you should just get away for a while." Finishing her tirade, she took a great, heaving breath and smiled ruefully. "Sorry. There I go yapping about my opinion again."

"That's all right, Lanny. It's really good to have you back me up on this decision. It's kind of scary to be going out in the world." Carrie smoothed the bright, cheerful tablecloth with her fingertips, running them repeatedly over the soft material in an effort to soothe her nerves.

Lanette served herself with a second helping of the rice and finished her first mouthful before replying. "Mmm...I guess it will be the first time you've been travelling out on your own, won't it? That brings up another point. You don't really speak any other languages, do you?"

Carrie shook her head. "Just the French we learned at school. But I'm not confident it would be enough to have any real conversations with people."

"And if you want to learn about people's businesses, you'll be having fairly in-depth conversations. You'll want to have the language skills to get down to the real nitty-gritty of their experiences running the business."

"Mmm. Another point for Australia!"

The girls ate in silence for a few moments, considering what they'd discussed.

"Then, of course there's the weather...it will be coming on winter in Europe, so you'd have to pack plenty of clothes. You could travel a lot lighter if you were going to Australia—it will be summer, there. It _is_ nice to be able to travel with just one light backpack."

"It seems like we're finding a lot more positives for Australia—I guess my decision's made," Carrie stated. Wistfully, she let go of all the romantic ideas of Italian counts and café spaces hundreds of years old. Australia would probably give her more realistic models for what she could create back here in Canada, anyway.

"Indeed. And, hey, you could get yourself a working visa for Australia. Then you wouldn't have to spend all your money, and you could get some better first-hand business experience in any cafés that strike your fancy."

"That sounds good," Carrie nodded. "How soon can I leave? This is getting exciting."

"As soon as we can get you a visa and a plane ticket," Lanette said. "It shouldn't take more than a couple of weeks, or a month at most."

"Good. Oh, and Lanette?"

"Yes?"

"Can we keep this a secret until the last minute? I don't want to answer a billion questions from everybody."

Lanette nodded. "I agree that's a good idea. It's none of their business, and the last thing you want is people stepping in to try to give you advice when you've got good solid decision already. And, remember, if anyone asks while you're gone, I am going to say that you're taking some time off, researching other cafés."

Carrie nodded, and Lanette hugged her. "I'm glad you're going travelling. I'll miss you, of course, but you deserve the break. And you'll see, once you get out there, away from Joe, the men will come flocking. You'll be over him in no time. Just make sure you come back! I'm expecting you to start that café!"

Carrie hugged her fiercely back. She knew her friends words would comfort her. No matter what was to come, she'd be welcome at home. That helped give her strength. Now to actually take action. Lanette would help to take care of the travel arrangements, but Carrie would have to be the one to give notice on the apartment. Thank goodness she'd never been one to accumulate much stuff. Her sports and kitchen equipment could get packed up and stay in her parents' garage, and just about everything else she'd be happy to give to friends or the second-hand shop.

_Hm_ , _I guess I will need to tell Mom,_ Carrie thought. She had not shared her brief "fling" with Joe and troubles with her mom, but her mom knew she had been down, and of course, knew about her dream of her café. Carrie started to craft her story in her head so that her mom wouldn't worry, would keep her secret for a few weeks, and would be happy to keep a little stuff in the garage.

# Chapter Two

"So, I hear that Carrie Holmes left town," Rob said to Joe as they loaded kayaks onto the trailer in preparation for a day trip down the river. It was a beautiful blue sky day, and the men sucked in huge great breaths of the fresh alpine air as they lifted and carried with a unison of teamwork that could only come from mutual respect and plenty of practice working together.

Joe stopped moving, and peered at Rob in the dim morning light. "What do you mean?"

"She's gone travelling, apparently, to research other cafés before she starts up her own, here in town. Didn't you know? You and she are good friends, aren't you?"

Joe forgot the task at hand and sat down on a fallen log with a distracted expression. _Are, or used to be?_ He felt again the deep pang in his belly of knowing he'd messed up, big time.

"Hm. I wonder why she didn't tell you? Lanette told me she's been planning it for about a month now. Haven't you seen her, or called her, since then? I know you've been out in the bush running trips quite a bit lately, but you still had plenty of time."

"Nooo..." Joe thought about it. _I haven't called her in months, actually._ He'd picked up the telephone dozens of times, in their old habit of phoning anytime he thought of something to tell her, but then, it seemed like too long since they had talked, he couldn't decide what he would say to make things better, so he'd never completed a call, instead, bottling everything up that he might have said to her, withdrawing, slightly, inside himself. It didn't seem as though anyone had noticed, though, since his social schedule seemed busier than ever. But he missed Carrie dreadfully. _It used to be so easy to call her, to be with her. Why did I have to go and mess things up?_

His memory of that night was as clearer than anything else in his mind, so that he wondered if he had amplified and improved upon it as the images played over and over in his mind. Had the night really been as wonderful as he remembered? Sometimes, ripples of remembered pleasure passed through his nervous system, and then the guilt swamped him. _What right did I have, to do that to her? She was probably saving herself for the man she plans to marry, and then I just took her while we were having a good time...friends shouldn't act that way._

It went beyond a good time, of course. In fact, it had affected all of his good times, since. He'd be in the middle of dinner with some lovely lady, or out with the guys, and he'd find himself daydreaming about Carrie.

"Joe? Joe!" With a jolt, Joe realized that Rob was trying to get his attention. "Snap out of it, man. What, did you go out too late last night? That's never bothered you before. Come on, we've got to get these rafts loaded!"

"Sorry, man." _Luckily, I'm good at covering up this insanity that seems to come over me,_ he congratulated himself _._ In fact, he realized that he'd supressed it so well and so often that in a way he'd lost...a year! An entire year of his life. He quickly stood up and put his body to the task of helping Rob finish loading the trailer with equipment and running through the checklist, then tying everything down so it would stay on firmly through the journey upriver.

"So," he asked casually, when they had finished, "where did she go?"

"Who?"

"Carrie."

"Oh. Uh, I don't know. Why don't you ask Lanette? I'm sure she would have booked the tickets for her. Anyway, Joe, have you got the list of hotels for today's guests?"

"Yes, right here."

"Good. Go get 'em. I'll have the coffee ready when you get back."

Joe obediently hopped in the van and headed out to pick up the day's adventurers. He soon had some cheerful German tourists in the van and his day passed quickly, chatting with people, driving, and guiding a white water raft down the river, while Rob kayaked ahead to check for any unexpected danger. He enjoyed his job, but as soon as the last tourist had been returned to their hotel, his mind snapped back to Carrie.

He made his way back to where Rob was stowing away the equipment in the shed.

"Do you know where Lanette might be, Rob?"

Rob straightened from what he was doing and looked at his watch. "What day is it? Thursday? I think she has some late lessons today, so she's probably still out at the stable. Otherwise, she might be packing up the last of her things from the apartment, and moving them to our house. Why do you ask?"

"Well, are you just about finished here? I was thinkin' I might head over and ask Lanette if she knows where Carrie has gone to."

"Sure, go ahead. You have tomorrow off, eh? Brad just has one small hiking expedition. I'll see you on Saturday for that two day hiking/climbing trip."

"You don't need any help setting up for that tomorrow?"

"Nah, take the day off," Rob invited generously. "I'll handle the supplies. You deserve a break."

"Thanks," Joe said, though he wasn't sure he meant it. _That's just going to give me a lot of time to think over what I did wrong with Carrie._ He realized that he had been running from those very thoughts, for a year now. He felt like a criminal for what he'd done to his best friend. _Why am I so worried that she's left? I should be glad that she's having a good time. I just wish we were friends again...that there was some way I could have made things right._

_It sure didn't seem like she wanted to talk to me, though, any time I saw her...I just want to check up on her with Lanette._

_It's normal for me to want to know how she's doing,_ he thought defensively.

Joe pulled his truck up in the parking lot of Lanette's stable, and was immediately greeted by a long-legged, smiling brunette. "Hi, Joe," she purred. "What brings you by this way?"

"Hi, Tassy," he returned, somewhat abruptly. "I'm just looking for Lanette."

"Oh, she's not here right now, but you can stay and talk to me for a while..." she invited.

"Sorry, I haven't got time." He tried to flash her a grin that he was not at all feeling. Tassy was an annoyance, as far as he was concerned, but it didn't do to get on the bad side of people like her in a small community like this. Rob's business certainly didn't need any bad publicity from someone who worked in the tourist information office! "Do you have any idea where Lanette has gone to?"

"Well, I think she went by her apartment," Tassy pouted.

"Thanks, Tassy!" Joe hopped back in his truck before Tassy could come up with another invitation that wouldn't be so easy to avoid. _That's the problem with being friendly_ , Joe thought. _Some people seem to think I'm just always available._

_Like Shalimar_. What a headache she had been. Calling him up and begging for compassion when her poodle had fallen ill, and then asking him for help when her eaves troughs had been plugged up during a storm, and then asking if he would _please_ come for dinner with her, because she'd just had some news about her ex-boyfriend in Ontario, and she _really, really,_ just _needed_ to talk to somebody. When the inevitable winks and nods and "what's up with you and Shalimar, Joe?" came along from his buddies around town, well, he'd learned long ago that it was easiest to just smile and shrug. There was no point in trying to explain anything to the rumour mill, but sometimes it was annoying to be gossiped about.

_Perhaps I should look into getting an unlisted phone number._ For some reason, it seemed that more people than usual had been searching out his number in the book lately, and making too-liberal use of it. After that night with Carrie, he admitted that he had been glad to take advantage of the escape his busy social life offered, taking refuge from his thoughts in light conversation and fun. But it had a curious emptiness since Carrie had seemed to drop out of the social whirl, and lately it was just beginning to wear on him.

He wasn't as interested in other people's company as much as he had been in Carrie's. Being with her had never been a chore. It was just as easy as being with himself. Their thoughts were often so closely in sync that they didn't need much conversation or explanation.

He sighed. _Maybe I'm just getting too old for all this public life._ He didn't really believe that, but it was easier to deal with that thought, than to acknowledging he might have lost Carrie because he'd been too wimpy to find the words to correct the wrong he'd done.

_But I must think up some better rejection lines, or I'll never have any time to myself!_ _These girls like Shalimar and Tassy are too hard on my nerves._

Finally his truck arrived at Lanette and Carrie's apartment. At least, what used to be Lanette and Carrie's apartment. Lanette was finally moving in with Rob, and if it was true that Carrie had really left town, maybe she wouldn't be living there anymore, either. Joe stared at the apartment and realized that he had never been through the door.

_It's incredible that in a whole year of them living here, I have never actually stopped by,_ Joe thought. _I should have at least brought them a house-warming gift._ He'd always known where it was, of course. Ever since Carrie had moved into town, his pulse had accelerated every time he drove down this street. _Why didn't I ever stop in?_ he berated himself. _Now Carrie's gone, and maybe I've lost my best friend forever._

_Or did I lose her that night in the Kananaskis?_

_I should have tried harder to make things right between us, to correct the wrong I did,_ he berated himself.

He climbed the steps to their door and was glad to see that it was open. He knocked, anyway, and called, "Lanette? Are you in here?"

"Yeah, I'm in the kitchen," came the reply.

She twisted around to look at him. "Oh, it's you, Joe," she said, and turned back to the box she was filling with carefully wrapped wine glasses.

"Can I give you a hand?" he offered.

"I guess so, if you'd like to carry these boxes out to the truck," she said. Joe did.

When he'd finished in three trips, he leaned on the kitchen wall, trying to phrase his question.

"So, what brings you around here?" Lanette asked finally. Her tone was friendly, casual, but Joe thought he sensed a tension underneath.

"Well, Rob told me that Carrie's gone, and..."

"Oh, so she was right. You really were staying away as long as she lived here." She paused for a minute, but when he didn't reply, she continued. "Well, Rob told you right. She's not here anymore. As you can see."

Joe's eyes followed Lanette's sweeping hand, to roam hungrily over the apartment. _Carrie lived here,_ he thought, but there was no trace left of her. Nails in the wall marked where pictures must have hung. He wanted to walk through the house, to find where she had slept, where she had curled up on the couch to read.

"So?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light. "Where has she gone to?"

"What's it to you, Joe?" He sensed that he was about to get a taste of the fiery temper Rob had always claimed Lanette had, and that made him pause.

"You never cared what she was up to while she was here, so why should you want to know, now that she's gone?"

"What do you mean? Carrie and I are nearly best friends."

Lanette stopped packing the wine glasses, put her hands firmly on the table, and turned to give him the full benefit of her snapping eyes. " _Were_ friends, Joe. I don't think even _you_ are audacious enough to claim that you've been friends at all this last year. For crying out loud, this is the first time you've even been in this apartment!"

Joe looked chagrined, but didn't reply. He memorized the tile pattern of the floor during some tense, silent moments. Then he repeated his question.

"So? Where has she gone to?"

" _Why_ do you want to know?" Lanette demanded.

Joe didn't fight. He always kept his cool. He looked perplexed. "Why is it such a crime that I should want to know?"

"Considering that _you're_ the reason she left town —" Lanette's eyes grew wide and she clapped her hand over her mouth.

" _I'm_ the reason? But how is that possible? We've barely had anything to do with each other lately."

"Why should you have? You've been too busy going out with every other girl in town," Lanette retorted. "Now get out. You won't get her whereabouts from me. I'm tired of seeing her cry over you." Joe felt himself pushed out the front door, before it was slammed and locked.

Shaking a little, he sat down on the front step, feeling worse than ever. _Carrie has been crying over me? But every time I see her, she looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Smiling at everyone but me, heck, she wouldn't even look at me, most times. I thought she hated me. Well, I guess she had the right to._

_I guess she was crying over what I did to her, wishing that night had never happened._

_I thought she really didn't want anything to do with me. I guess she still doesn't._

Feeling as though his head was stuffed with cotton, Joe drove on auto-pilot back to the house he'd built. He was surprised, when he stepped out of his truck into the breeze, to feel tears drying on his cheeks. He stumbled as he walked through his front door, then turned and slammed it shut. Unsure of what to do with himself, he went to the fridge and opened a beer, and then changed his mind and fetched the rye bottle. When the phone started to ring, he pulled the plug out of the wall.

_I'm crying,_ he thought. _What the hell's going on?_

_I guess it's just a normal response to learning I've lost a friend,_ he decided, trying out some pop psychology. It didn't make him feel any better. Neither did the rye, stinging down his throat.

He put his head down on the table and cried as he'd never cried in his life.

Lanette had been right. The men did flock towards Carrie in Australia. _And I am having a good time,_ Carrie reminded herself. _Most of the time, anyway._

As she and Lanette had worked out, Carrie had started her trip in Melbourne, and worked her way up the coast. She researched tons of cafés in Sydney and Melbourne, and enjoyed dozens of pleasant conversations and people that she met. She had filled two notebooks full of ideas, notes, and sketches so far. When she tired of the city life and felt a need for some space and clean air, she worked for a pleasant while picking cherries in an orchard.

While at first she had been diligent about filling up the notebooks with café details, lately she had started to unwind and enjoy the pace of backpacker life in Australia. While she still kept her eye out for unique coffee shops and their owners, it seemed as though she was finally beginning to heal and become the girl she'd been before having her heart broken. She didn't need to try so hard to keep every minute busy to stop herself from thinking. Her easy smiles were coming back.

She had met some fun people in Brisbane, and travelled up the coast with them in their van, learning to surf and to fish and eat passion fruit and mangoes straight from the tree, to play the bongo drums and dance on the beach, and meet new people, and, well, generally, relax.

"It has been a marvelous month," Carrie said to Anna, as the two girls hugged before parting ways in Cairns. "I'm going to miss you," she said, honestly.

"And Stefan will miss you," Anna said, nodding at her brother, who was watching them with blue puppy-dog eyes.

Carrie laughed. "He'll get over it! As soon as he meets another girl back home."

Anna shook her head. "It might not be so easy for him. You _are_ a special girl, Carrie. I'm glad to have known you."

"And I, you, Anna. Anyway, what's with these tears? We'll see each other again!"

"Yes, you must come and visit us in Europe, Carrie. Maybe you will even bring the man you're missing now."

"Anna! How did you—"

Anna shook her head. "It's there, in your eyes, sometimes, so I know there is someone very special. Don't worry, Stefan knows it, too. He won't wait for you. I hope you find happiness, Carrie." She swung away as her boyfriend, Jon, took her hand.

The tears began to fall in earnest down Carrie's face at Anna's last words. _Is it still so obvious?_ she despaired. _And I thought that I was doing so well._ She smiled and waved as her friends got into the taxi that would take them to the airport, and turned back to the hostel to seek out the bathroom and some cold water for her face. She nearly bumped into a tall, dark, and handsome young man in the hallway, and he gave her an inviting smile, but she barely noticed. In the bathroom, she splashed her face and determinedly squashed all thoughts of home. She took deep breaths and thought of all the positive things in her life.

_It is true that it's easier to get over Joe while I'm here, on the other side of the world,_ she thought. _It has only been three months. I'll just give it a little more time._

_In the meantime, why not have some fun?_ she thought. _I wonder if that guy from the hallway is still around?_

She dried her face, tried out her smile in the mirror, and flounced out of the bathroom. Sure enough, he was sitting in the lounge area. She smiled when his eyes met hers, and wandered over to introduce herself. Before long, he had invited her to share a drink, and they were soon having the usual pleasant sort of traveller's conversation. "How long have you been here?" "Where are you from?" "Where are you going?" and the like.

Carrie intimated that she thought she might find some work and stay in Cairns for a while before travelling on, so the two of them soon decided to go out for a walk around the town, just to check things out. Jordan was pleasant and entertaining, and helped Carrie get over the morose mood brought on by Anna's words, but when he wanted to kiss her goodnight outside the hostel, Carrie turned her head aside.

"I'm sorry," she said, "just...not tonight, okay?" He had lovely manners and accepted her rejection gallantly, though she could tell he was puzzled. _A guy that looks like that probably doesn't get turned down very often,_ she thought.

Unfortunately, when she finally laid down to go to sleep, rather than pleasant images of her night's date, images of Joe danced through her head. Joe, falling out of the canoe one day, and pulling her in with him, so that they were both soaking wet. Joe, bare-chested and chopping wood at the camp where they'd both been working as counsellors one summer. Joe, bare-chested and making love to her...

She would not let the tears fall. When the person on the bottom of her hotel bunk-bed asked, "Could you stop rolling around so much, please?" she ended up laying there, rigid, in misery, wishing the thoughts would stop, and let her sleep. _It will be better tomorrow,_ she promised herself desperately. _I just need to find some work to keep me busy..._

Joe had become the most helpful guy in town. Always willing to lend a hand, before, he now actively sought out any organization he could be useful to. _Since Lanette won't tell me where Carrie is, I'll just have to find someone else who will,_ he determined. _Somebody in this town must know what she's up to._

His quest to find Carrie and apologize to her, talk through what had happened between them, had become his obsession. _Lanette said she had been crying over me...maybe she did want to see me,_ he thought.

_And I wanted to see more of her,_ he realized one day with a jolt. Clouded by guilt, he hadn't recognized his growing affection for her, that he cared more deeply for her, craved her company more, than any other woman he'd ever met. Certainly making love to her had been mind-blowing...so mind-blowing, his brain had pretty much shut down, in fact.

_I've got to fix our friendship. There must be some way. I've got to find her._

He volunteered for everything imaginable—as long as it involved a group. He avoided being seen alone with single women. _From what Lanette said, I've gotten quite a reputation. When Carrie comes back, she'll see I've changed my ways. I'll earn her good opinion back, if it kills me._

_I never even really enjoyed all those dates this past year,_ he thought. _None of those girls measured up to Carrie..._ he stifled that thought, reminding himself that Carrie was his friend, that he shouldn't be thinking of her in _that_ way. He shouldn't be remembering the shape of her shoulder under his lips, or thinking about the exact shape and colour of her nipples, and how they had changed under his tongue...

_Stop it!_ he had to remind himself several times a day. _If I'm going to win Carrie's friendship back, I'll need to get a rein on these thoughts._

He thought back on his social life of late. _What was I doing all that time I was procrastinating about talking to her? It was just an old habit to have a lot of female company...and it seems like it hurt Carrie. I'm so stupid! What's really more important in life, than friendship?_

"Joe, man, what's up with you these days?" Colin asked him one morning as they were checking the climbing equipment. "You just seem so... _driven_ lately. You're busy with everything around town. Don't you rest? And I haven't seen you out on a date in ages!" He stopped tying knots in the brightly-coloured climbing ropes and looked at Joe suspiciously. "Have you got some little honey stashed away that we don't know about?"

Joe just covered it as he always had—he smiled and shrugged. Colin continued to press him for information, but all Joe would say, was, "Oh, I don't know, Colin, it may be that my priorities are just changing as I get older. I'm nearly thirty now, you know."

Colin, who was twenty-three, bought Joe's explanation, and nodded as if he understood. "I guess so, man. I suppose people settle down as they get older. But still, it's weird. I can't believe you turned down dinner with those Swedish twins we met skiing! Man, they were hot! I'm just lucky Brad agreed to fill in for you, or I would have missed my chance with them, too."

Joe just nodded and smiled. He was finished with going on dates to be nice to people. He needed to talk to Carrie first.

He finally heard news of her from Dave Chalmers, when he was helping out with the annual Christmas food drive.

"So Carrie Holmes has finally found herself a man," Dave said casually as he and Joe were packing Christmas hampers from the donations they'd received.

Joe's heart leapt, then dropped, and pounded at forty beats per minute above its usual rate. He tried to keep his tone casual. "Oh, yes?"

"Apparently. She e-mailed me the other day to let me know how she was doing. I guess she's working as a chef in Cairns, and having a whale of a time snorkelling the Great Barrier Reef on her time off. Her man is a dive instructor."

"Is that so?" Joe struggled to keep his breathing even and normal. _Cairns...wasn't that in Australia?_

"Yeah, I guess she's living with someone. Brent, I think his name was. He sounds like a nice guy. I'm really glad for her," Dave said.

Joe tried to ignore the pain that stabbed through his gut.

Dave was continuing. "She probably needed a bit of a break. It seemed like she had lost a bit of her spark in the last year. Not as bouncy as she was when I met her."

"Yes, I guess it must nice for her, to get away," Joe heard himself agreeing. _E-mail! Why didn't I think of that before?_

"I don't suppose you have her e-mail address?" he asked Dave casually. "Maybe I'll drop her a line to say hello."

"I don't have it on me, but I could look it up when I get home, if you give me a call."

"That would be great," Joe said, and continued packing boxes with more energy than he had before. "It would be nice to get in touch."

"What happened to that nice fellow you were seeing, Carrie? The tall, good-looking Greek one?" Brent asked her as he was making pancakes on a Saturday morning, a day they both had off. Carrie was learning a lot from Brent about cooking, since he had travelled the world as a chef for years before settling in Cairns. _For the scuba diving,_ he'd told her. He said he didn't think he'd ever get tired of getting under the water to look at the Great Barrier Reef. He had taken Carrie out a few times with him and she had to agree, the colours and variety of the fish, corals, and other creatures were a constant fascination.

"Why? Did you want me to invite him around for dinner again?" Carrie and Brent loved to have people over and compete with each other to cook the most amazing dish. Brent usually won but Carrie had fun trying. "And what do you think Beau would have to say about that?" Carrie teased, naming Brent's long-term boyfriend.

"How would Beau know about it? I can still look, can't I?" Brent complained good-naturedly. "There are so many _lovely_ men out there."

"Mmm," Carrie agreed. "There sure are."

"So, why don't you seem to like any of them very much? Why do I always see you come out of your bedroom alone?" Brent pressed. "Darling, don't you deserve some _love_?"

Carrie sighed. _Why don't I just tell him the truth, so he'll stop asking?_ she resigned herself.

"Ah, Brent, it's not as easy as that." She struggled to find the words. "You see, I..."

He waved the spatula in the air impatiently. "What? _Vhat_ is zee problem?" Carrie laughed despite herself. Brent's flamboyant manner always cheered her up.

"I'm not any good at sex," Carrie confessed, keeping her tone light.

Forgetting the pancakes, Brent came to sit down across from her at the table. "What do you mean? How can that be? Where do you get this idea?" he demanded.

"I think the pancakes are burning," Carrie said. He got up and flipped them over, and bustled back over to sit down.

"Explain," he commanded.

"Well, there was a man, once..."

"Once? A lovely girl like you? You have known love only _once_?" he demanded. "You are, what? Twenty - six?"

Carrie nodded. "But, this is not possible!" he insisted. He flipped the pancakes out on two plates and sat down opposite her again, taking her hand where it rested on the table. "Tell me more."

Carrie extracted her hand and picked up her knife to butter her pancakes. She looked down at her plate and took a deep breath.

"Come on," Brent coaxed. "You know you can trust me."

Carrie looked into his warm brown eyes. "I know I can, Brent. I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me."

"Pooh! I have been glad to have you stay with me while Beau is away," Brent insisted. "Now, what is going on? What happened to make you think this way?"

"There was a guy...Joe. He was my best friend, for a long time. And, well, somehow one night, we were both a little tipsy, and...well, we ended up in bed together. It was my first time, but not for him...he has always had plenty of girlfriends around. After that, he has never really talked to me."

Brent called Joe some unsavory names. "So it was no good? He treated you badly?"

"Oh, no. I thought it was wonderful. I woke up completely in love with him. But...I must not have measured up. I mean, he said it was fun, but he never wanted to sleep with me again, so I must not have been any good at it. He's been with plenty of girls after me, but he never asked me again. We're not even friends any more. I even..." she was sobbing a little now, but trying to control it, "I changed jobs, so I could move closer to where he lived, but...nothing."

"You mean, he ignored you?" Brent's eyes were so kind, so caring, that Carrie just cried harder.

"No. Not exactly. I mean, we didn't hang out together like we used to, but whenever we met in a group, he was friendly and casual, just like nothing had happened between us. So even though that night meant something to me, it didn't mean anything to him, you see? So I just had to leave town. I couldn't get him off my mind. And it was too hard, being casual and friendly back."

"And you never talked to him about it?"

"No. He made his feelings plain enough, on the morning after. I didn't want to embarrass him. What would be the point? Then things would be even worse."

"And is he still on your mind?"

Carrie nodded miserably. With a sigh, Brent came around the table and took her in his arms.

"And that's why you keep sending these lovely boys away? Because one jerk rejected you? Carrie, this is terrible."

Though she willed them to stop, the tears kept flowing down Carrie's face. "But Joe's not a jerk. He's a really nice guy. I've known him all my life. It's just...it's me who's not good enough."

"Look," Brent said authoritatively. "This is nonsense, you thinking that it was your fault that this guy went away. There could be other reasons..."

"Like what?"

"Like...I don't know," Brent confessed. "It does seem strange that he should just ignore the fact that he made love with you. But you must try again, Carrie. You can't just give up on life because of one bad experience. There is so much love to be had out there, girl! And you are such a special lady. If I were straight, I would snap you up myself." He took her chin in her hand and looked into her eyes. "You believe me, don't you?"

Her tearful blue eyes looked back at him. "I'm trying, Brent."

"What happened between you and the Greek guy?"

"Nothing, really," she said. "He took me out to dinner a few times, and he came here, and...I guess he got tired of waiting for me to agree to go to bed with him."

"Did you like his kisses?"

"They were nice, but...they didn't make me want to go to bed with him."

"Hmmm..." Brent sounded like a doctor analyzing data, about to give her a diagnosis. "No spark?"

"Well," he said decisively, "then he just wasn't the right guy. We're just going to have to look around a little more. We'll find one, just wait and see."

"I thought, maybe...if I just had a little more time..."

"More time? It has been how long, already? Almost a year and a half? No, you don't need time, my girl, you need action." As Brent made that pronouncement, Carrie felt a flicker of dread and wondered what exactly she had unleashed.

Joe hit the delete key impatiently for what seemed like the thirtieth time. Nothing he wrote seemed right.

He wanted to tell her he was sorry, but she hadn't wanted his apology before, so then he thought he'd better not. He wanted to tell her he hoped she was happy, but that sounded too final, as if that was all he had to say to her.

_And don't I owe her more than an e-mail, anyway? I'll just have to wait until I see her in person,_ he decided. _I'll go find her in Australia and make up for all this lost time in our friendship..._

_But what if she doesn't want to see me?_ He'd dithered for days back and forth as to whether he should just let her go and find her feet and her life without him, but to never see her again, or to see her with another guy...he didn't know if he could take it.

It didn't matter, even so, he decided. He would do what was right and get on with it. His own life wouldn't move on, until he had made things right with Carrie.

_But what about the guy she's living with? What if my visit causes trouble? Then I will have ruined her life, twice._

_No, I'm her friend. I've got to make sure she's all right, and fix up what I did to her._ If any thought passed through his mind that he might be jealous, he ignored it. _It's my duty to go see her. I'm late in making things right, but I have to at least try._

# Chapter Three

Five weeks later, Carrie was on a Greyhound Bus, headed for Darwin.

_And that's what I get for telling my secrets,_ she thought ruefully.

She had always been a private person by nature, and now she regretted going against that instinct. _Even though I'm halfway around the world, and don't have community gossip to worry about, telling people too much still doesn't do me any good...Keeping my own business bottled up inside me, where it belongs, is a much better idea._

Brent had been a great room-mate...until they'd had that little talk. Then he'd become a man with a mission...to find Carrie a boyfriend she'd like well enough to take to bed. He'd thrown several parties at his house, and invited all the single young men he could find.

_Sex isn't going to heal my heart,_ Carrie knew, and she'd tried to tell Brent, but it hadn't done any good. _You must learn to know love, darling,_ he'd insisted. _You're such a wonderful girl..._

But his constant efforts to bring her into a world of dating and partying had only wearied Carrie. The loud, tropical, flamboyant parties he'd thrown had left her yearning for a cool, quiet mountain night such as she had shared with Joe around countless campfires. _I'm sorry, Brent, I just need more time..._ Although he'd been a wonderful friend to her, Carrie was relieved when she finally made a decision to move on with her tour of Australia. She simply hadn't been interested in forming any deeper ties with any of the men she'd met. There were plenty of lovely guys, but they just didn't hold her interest. Too bad they didn't, but that's how it was. Instinctively, she knew that her heart could not, would not, be rushed. _Patience is a virtue,_ she quoted comfortingly to herself. _Rome was not built in a day._

_But now I am going to a new town, where I won't have any reminders of Joe, or have foolishly told anyone my secrets...I'll be able to take my own time, and do what I want. There don't have to be men in the picture._ Maybe she'd simply enjoy the company of women and married folks for a while. She was looking forward to another fresh start. _Maybe in Darwin, I'll get over him..._

"Hi, Mrs. H.!" Joe said cheerfully as he heard the familiar voice greet him at the other end of the phone.

"Joey! It's been a long time since we've heard from you," Carrie's mother said, with pleasure and reproach in her voice.

"Yes, well, I'm sorry for that...I was just calling to see if you have Carrie's address in Cairns."

"Oh, didn't she give you the latest update?" Mrs. Holmes asked, sounding surprised. "She's moved on. She went up to Darwin. But wait a minute, I think she wrote that she was going to be heading on a tour...didn't you get the latest e-mail she sent out, Joe?"

_So Mrs. Holmes doesn't know that Carrie hasn't spoken with me,_ Joe thought. _I guess it wasn't important enough to tell her mom...am I a fool to think she would want an apology from me? Maybe I really don't matter, any more._ He brought himself back to the present.

"No! No, Mrs. H., she didn't send me that one. Would you mind forwarding it to me at my address? Have you still got her message saved?" He waited hopefully at the other end of the line, feeling only mildly guilty about his lie.

"Sure, Joe, that's no problem. So, what have you been up to, these days?"

Joe managed to small-talk his way through the rest of the conversation without giving away how desperate he felt to talk to Carrie. _I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea,_ he thought. Over the years, Carrie's parents had joked about having him for a son-in-law...but that idea had always been _their_ fantasy, not his and Carrie's. He and Carrie had long ago made a vow—to be there for each other as friends, through all the romantic nonsense, the heartaches and break-ups that other people dealt them. _But I broke that vow to my friend,_ he thought bleakly. _It's time I made it right._

Dear Mr. Bantrim,

We regret to inform you that we cannot grant you a working visa at this time, as your application was judged incomplete. As you are more than twenty-five years of age, you must include an essay regarding your reasons for wanting a visa at this late date. At the moment, you are still eligible for tourist status, for which a visa can be automatically processed through your travel agent.

If you still wish to apply for a working visa, please return your forms with an appropriate essay before your thirty-first birthday.

"Damn!" Joe tossed the letter on the kitchen table. "Why didn't I notice that detail? When did I become so scatter-brained?" He looked at the calendar. "And is there any way I'll be able to make it now, in time to catch Carrie's tour?" he muttered.

_Look at me, I'm talking to myself now, too,_ he thought. _I sure hope that I get my sanity back sometime..._

_And my professionalism._ Little Terry Snow, a darling older lady and a regular client of Blue & White Tours who Joe usually enjoyed with endless tolerance, had commented quite innocently, as Joe showed her for the fourth time how to wax her cross-country skis last weekend, that he didn't seem to be as patient as he used to be.

"Is something wrong, Joe?" Rob had asked him, after all the clients had gone home. "I should have thought you would be happy, seeing that you have just arranged six months' leave, and are about to head off on a mega-vacation..."

"Yes, you're right," Joe apologized. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just getting a little excited about the trip."

In fact, he hadn't been sleeping very well. His mind kept rolling over and over, wondering what he would say to Carrie, when he finally found her. It had been a huge stroke of luck for him that Carrie had written the name of the tour company she planned to travel with, and the date she planned to leave Darwin, in the e-mail Mrs. Holmes had forwarded him.

_Now all I have to do, is get myself a visa, and get down there._ He had put his plan into motion with weeks to spare, but this mistake over the visa could cost him some time. He uncomfortably remembered the consulate's stern advice not to buy an airplane ticket before his visa acceptance was assured. _Ah, well, I'll figure something out._

Resigned, he decided that he'd better get down to writing his letter. Rummaging around his house, he found a pad of paper and a pen. "Okay," he mumbled. _To...To...TO!!!_ He made a scribble down the side of the page. "The gol-durn pen doesn't even work," he grumbled. "Is _everything_ going to work against my getting down to Australia?" He rummaged around in the kitchen some more, but there were no pens to be found. Neither were there any, anywhere else in the house. Joe had a mind like a steel trap for dates and times, and he never wrote any of his appointments down. "I'm paying for it now," he grunted, as he grabbed up his truck keys from the counter. "I just hope somebody's open that sells pens."

In his rush out the door, he nearly kicked his dog, who was regarding him with a puzzled look and whining quietly, as if to say, _what's wrong?_

"Oh, come on, Jack, hop in the truck. And stop looking at me like that! You're making me feel like a lunatic!" _I guess I am acting a little crazy,_ he reflected, and resolved to get things under control. As he let the truck engine warm up for a few minutes, he took some deep breaths, and patted Jack, who was still looking at him with what Joe imagined was a slight frown of worry.

"Eh, old boy? You think I'm going nuts? Maybe I am. I don't usually mumble to myself and rush around, do I?" Jack whined and thumped his tail. "Okay, I tell you what. That's enough of that nonsense. It doesn't get you anywhere, anyway, does it? That little letter I just got, a hitch in my plans, just kind of freaked me out," he chatted companionably to his big furry friend as he put the truck into gear and pulled out of his driveway.

"You know what I mean, boy? I guess you're not used to seeing me this way. Well, I'll tell you what. From now on, it's back to being Cruisy Joe. Sure, I have some things to make up with Carrie, but there's no need to rush, right?" He looked over to Jack, who gave a short bark in response to Joe's familiar white-toothed grin. "No need to get our feathers all ruffled. Everything always works out."

"Somehow. We hope," he finished, under his breath. He wouldn't even admit to his dog how worried he was that this plan wasn't going to work at all. Maybe chasing Carrie down to Australia was going to be a big. fat. disaster.

Joe looked at his friend. "Don't worry, boy. We'll fix it!" He imagined that Jack's eyes smiled again. "Yeah, we'll fix it, boy. You've missed Carrie as much as I have, haven't you?" Jack's tail thumped against the seat again.

"Well, I'm just going to have to go to the other side of the world, and bring her back," he murmured thoughtfully.

He cruised Main Street, but the shops had all closed for the night. "No problem," he told Jack. "We'll check the gas stations. They should have some pens, shouldn't they?"

But the first one he checked, were all sold out. And the second one, didn't have any. "Jack? This isn't a problem, is it?" he asked his dog. "Jack? What is Cruisy Joe supposed to do in this situation?"

He forced down a rising irrational panic and leaned his head on the wheel. "I know!" he snapped his fingers. "We must keep some in the Blue & White office. Let's cruise by there, okay?"

But the doors were locked and he'd left his office keys at home. Walking back to his truck, he kicked the tires. _I am not upset. A little stressed, maybe, but I am not upset._

He sat very still in the driver seat until Jack whined and licked his face, so that Joe absently rubbed his fur.

"I guess we're just going to have to phone someone, and ask to borrow a pen," Joe said to Jack. "But who could we ask, that's not going to want a huge explanation, then tease us about it afterwards?"

"I don't really want to ask Lanette and Rob...I'm not sure Lanette agrees with the whole plan of me heading down there, anyway. She probably thinks I should leave Carrie alone. But what does she know? I've known Carrie for longer than she has, anyway."

Jack yawned.

"Thanks, buddy. You're a lot of help."

Finally Joe decided to ask at a few of the big hotels in town. "Somebody must have a pen to spare, Jack. Now, where _don't_ we know anyone? The problem with being a nice guy, is that everyone thinks I'll want to stop and chat any time I see them...but I have to get home and get this letter written, eh, boy?" He absently scratched the top of the German shepherd's head, taking comfort from the warmth of burying his finger's in his best friend's fur.

Finally he pulled into a hotel and obtained a pen from a teenage desk clerk who, Joe was happy to see, seemed too shy to chit-chat with him, even though the girl's eyes lit up with recognition. Joe gave her a vague smile, trying carefully not to seem too friendly, but even so, before he could turn to leave after thanking her, she said, "You're Joe Bantrim, aren't you?"

Biting back a sigh, he answered politely, "Sure am."

"You dated one of my sisters once."

"Oh?" Joe didn't feel like playing any guessing games.

"Yeah, Tammy."

"Oh, Tammy," he said. "Yes, she's a very nice girl. Say hi to her for me, will you?" With that, he turned on his heel and walked as quickly as possible towards the front door.

"She's back in town, now..." the desk clerk was calling after him. "Shall I tell her to give you a call?" But Joe was already out the door and hopping into his truck.

"Geez, Jack, just look what a man's got to go through, to get a pen in this town."

Back at home, he poured himself a tall glass of juice, and put some milk in a bowl for Jack.

"Now, let's write this letter," he said.

_To whom it may concern:_ he chewed on the end of his pen.

"Write what you know," he mumbled, remembering something from a long-ago high school English class. "Okay, here goes!" He took a swig of his juice.

_This essay is concerning my application for a work visa. You see, there's this girl, Carrie. Well, she and I have always been best friends. Only I made a mistake one night and I really need to tell her I'm sorry..._

"What am I sorry about, Jack?" He thought about that night, and, as often happened, his body responded to his memory.

"I'm not sorry I made love to her, you know," he told the faithful face upturned, listening intently. "I mean, I should be. I feel guilty, anyway. I took advantage of her, and that wasn't right, you know."

Jack tilted his head, as if to get a better perspective on the situation.

_...that I took advantage of her._

"Do you think that will be a good enough reason for the bureaucrats, Jack? It doesn't sound very good, does it, when it's written out. I should explain it better."

_She's a lovely girl, really, and she deserves a fine man. Well, maybe that's what she's doing in Australia, finding herself a good man. But I think I need to apologize to her, to make our friendship right, before she does that. I mean, otherwise I might have lost her forever! She doesn't really belong down there, you know. She belongs here, in the mountains. I mean, it's not like she grew up here, really, her parents are in the city, but, well, she always spent some time out here with her aunt, and, well, I don't know how to explain to you how I know, but, trust me, she belongs here. Anyway, maybe that's not important to you. But the reason I have to go to Australia is to make up with my best friend. Because I haven't been treating her very well, and, well, she needs to know that I'll love her forever. As a friend, I mean._

"Even though she is incredible to make love with..." Joe set the pen down and leaned back in his chair. "Jack, what if she finds the man she wants to marry in Australia, and stays there forever and ever? What if she never comes back?" A desolate picture of his future settled over him as he pictured it without Carrie.

"Imagine it, Jack. If we never see her coming down the street again, if we never have her over at a dinner party...I mean, come on, Jack, it was supposed to be me and Carrie forever, man. Best pals. I suppose we always knew we'd grow up and get married to someone, someday, but I never imagined that one of us would move away...or, even worse, what if she finds a husband and he gets in the middle of our friendship? Heck, I haven't even thought of marriage, yet, myself..."

"I guess in a way, we've kind of been without her this past year, haven't we? And it hasn't been very much fun. It's all my own fault, though." Joe reflected on how he'd let the year drift past, following old habits that he hadn't enjoyed as much as he used to, cowardly ducking his responsibility to Carrie.

"Jack! Do you realize that I haven't even had a somewhat steady girlfriend this year? I haven't even had a lady stay overnight!" The dog's ears perked up and he leaned away slightly as Joe waved his arm to emphasize his point. _I must have been more upset over this situation with Carrie than I realized,_ he reasoned, _to have gone into such deep hibernation._

"Oh, buddy, we have really got to get this situation resolved. This is no good."

He re-read the letter he'd written. "Do you think this will be good enough?" He held the paper down for Jack to see. He sniffed it, but remained silent.

"No comment, eh? Maybe I should have made it more official sounding. But, well, I wrote what I knew, and, they must understand what I'm saying now, don't you think?"

"Ah, well, let's hope so. I guess I had better put it in the super-fast mail or the courier or whatever they call it. Otherwise, there's no chance that I'll get it back on time. Wish me luck, buddy."

"Joe!" Rob walked from the office towards where Joe was giving a group of high school students a lesson on maintaining their mountain bikes a few days later. "Joe! Here, you had an urgent phone message at the office. You'd better go return the call. I'll take over here. What part were you on?"

Joe briefed Rob on what he had taught and had left to teach, and headed towards the office. _It's so great to work for a company where everybody covers for everybody else,_ he thought. _Except for that once that I wasn't there to cover for Rob...because of Carrie, he remembered guiltily. I had really better get this straightened out with her. My life hasn't been going smoothly at all while there has been trouble between us. It's a good thing I'm almost on the way to see her._

He looked at the phone message and his heart began to pound. _The Australian Consulate!_ Had something happened to Carrie? No, surely they would have phoned her parents, first? He dialled the number with trembling fingers, and asked for the name on the message. He was put on hold, and had to sit down.

"Hello?" came a slightly nasal voice down the line. "Is that Mr. Bantrim? Mr. Joe Bantrim?"

"Yes, this is me," Joe said, slightly breathless.

"Just a moment, please," the officious voice said, and he was put on hold again.

A minute later, the nasal tone came back onto the line. "Mr. Bantrim?"

"Yes?"

"We need to clear up a few points concerning your application with a working visa," the man said. "Your essay was quite confusing, and our office is divided on how we should rule in your case. May we ask you a few questions?"

Joe heard a cough that he felt sure came from yet another line. "How many people are in on this?" he demanded.

"Well, sir, we've got a committee. Your case is quite unclear. Could you let us ask the questions, please?"

"Of course. I'm sorry sir." Joe suddenly understood that this man was between him and Carrie. _I hope I give the right answers,_ he thought, biting his lip.

"Now, as far as we can understand, your main reason for wanting to visit Australia is because of a woman?"

Phrased that way, it sounded terrible. "Er, yes...I mean, she's my best friend."

"And is she expecting your arrival?"

"Well, no. You see, that's why I have to get the visa right away. I know where she's going to be, and I have to catch up with her."

"But, sir, how can we be sure that she _wants_ you to "catch up with her"? We don't wish to jeopardize anyone's safety, Mr. Bantrim. What proof do we have that you're not a stalker?"

Joe's jaw dropped in surprise and he nearly laughed, but realized that the nasal voice on the other end was intently serious.

"I'm not stalking her, sir," he assured the man in what he hoped was his most trustworthy voice. "Carrie and I have known each other for years. I love her. I just need to patch up our friendship."

"Well, then," a female voice came on the line, "we don't understand why you couldn't just contact her? Why the need for a working visa?"

"Well, ma'am..." Joe was at a loss. "I guess that I'm just not sure that she'll listen to me, at first, so I might need to stay longer." _Quick thinking,_ he congratulated himself.

"And if she does hear you out right at the beginning? Then do you plan to come home right away?"

"I...I don't know."

"Are you planning to marry her, Mr. Bantrim?" came a soft female voice.

"I..." Joe stopped. _Me, marry Carrie?_

"Maybe. Maybe I am," he replied.

"Well, Mr. Bantrim. Thank you for your time, and your application," came the nasal voice again. "My colleagues and I will have to discuss your case some more before we come to a final decision. Good-bye." The connection ended with a click.

_Marry her?_

_Marriage...but that would mean..._

_She'd be in my bed every morning. I could kiss that spot on her shoulder whenever I wanted._

_And we'd have meals together. All the time. She's a great cook._

_And when I wanted to talk to her, I wouldn't have to pick up the phone. She'd always be there._

_No more dates with other girls, though._

_But I haven't been enjoying them, really, anyway._

_There's room in my house for her, isn't there? She has always liked my house. And Jack and I have always liked it when she comes over..._

_But...you're not supposed to marry someone unless..._

_You love them._

_I love her?_

_I_ do _love her!_

He called the number he'd been given right back. "Mr. Niven, please," he asked the receptionist at the other end.

"One moment please." He was clicked onto hold, and then the voice came back. "I'm sorry, Mr. Niven is in a conference, and can't be disturbed. May I take a message?"

"I...I have to tell him that..."

"Yes, sir?"

"Please tell him that Joe Bantrim _does_ intend to marry Carrie," he said firmly. _I do. I really do._

"I'm sorry, sir? Was that some kind of silly poem? You _do_ realize that Mr. Niven is a very busy man, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, miss, but, well, I was just talking to Mr. Niven about my application, and I was asked if I intended to marry someone. Could you please tell him that, yes, I do."

"You do. Very well, sir."

Joe hung up the telephone with a sense of unreality. _Me. In love with Carrie. I am the man who is going to marry her. It was me, all along!_

He was still sitting there an hour later, when Rob came in from the bike maintenance lesson. "Geez, Joe, I thought you might have come back out," Rob said. "I do have some paperwork to get done yet, today."

"Rob," Joe said in a hushed tone. "I'm in love with Carrie."

"I know that, Joe," Rob said, as if he was speaking to a toddler. "But we've still got a business to run."

"You knew that I loved her?" Joe was bemused.

Rob laughed. "Doesn't everyone know? You told me way back when we did that Assiniboine trip, with her and Lanette. Don't you remember? What I can't figure out, is, why she went down to Australia, and you didn't know about it."

"I didn't know I loved her way back then. I couldn't have told you. Did I?"

"Well," it seemed Rob had grown weary of the subject, "I thought you had. Now that I think about it, that was the only time, besides today, that you didn't hold up your end of the duties. I hope you get it straightened out. Isn't that why you're going down to Australia?"

"Yeah, I guess it is. But I thought I was just going to straighten out our friendship..."

"Sure, that's a start. Lanette's my best friend, too. Now, do you mind if I use that chair? You're right in front of the computer."

"Oh, sure," Joe said, and stood up.

"Joe. Joe!" Rob said, after a few minutes, when Joe hadn't moved.

"Yeah?"

"If you haven't got anything else to do, maybe you could straighten up the bike gear in the shed, and get ready for tomorrow's trip? The list of details is on the door."

"Oh, sure. Sorry, Rob."

Rob chuckled and shook his head. _I'm sure glad Lanette and I are past that stage,_ he thought.

# Chapter Four

Carrie yawned as she watched the early morning light play on the clouds above the buildings of the Mitchell Street Tourist Precinct in Darwin. She sipped from the paper cup of coffee she'd purchased and let her gaze wander down the street to watch the tour vans that were picking up customers from nearby hostels. _I hope I picked a good tour,_ she thought, as she realized just how many options there were. The multitude of tourist brochures had magically translated into this early - morning traffic of vans picking up dozens of backpackers for trips into the Outback.

She yawned again. _Maybe I should have gone to bed a little earlier. I don't want to fall asleep and miss any of the scenery!_ But when the Irish girls she'd been rooming with were getting all dressed up to go out, it had seemed impossible that Carrie should stay in the room and have a sensibly early night. She decided it was a good time for an application of the "when in Rome..." philosophy.

And Darwin _had_ been fun, in an easy, tropical way. She still thought she preferred her quiet mountain nights, but she'd shrugged and enjoyed the change in pace. Darwin's busy backpacker scene was similar to Cairns, but here she was free from well-meaning people who knew her inner secrets and were so insistent on "helping her". Carrie thought with fondness of the girls she had spent the last few days with, and the boys who had joined the group. After Brent's frantic pressure on her to find a boyfriend, it had been so nice to just casually be part of a group, with nothing expected of her but friendly conversation. She had been on the receiving end of a few inviting glances, but she was free to ignore them or return them as she felt fit. It felt wonderful to be her own boss again.

It had been luxurious, too, to wake up late if she wanted to, to fiddle and mosey around all day and not have to go to a job. _Those last weeks in Cairns, coming home from my job and then party, party, party, with Brent, really wore me out,_ she thought.

_And now I've done the same thing,_ _staying out too late at the pub before my early morning pickup...but when it's been under my own steam, to please myself, somehow I'm not as tired,_ she realized. _Or at least not in the same way._

_Will running my own café give me this contented tiredness, too?_ she wondered. She had always expected that the venture would be draining, but she looked forward to it. _I never thought of myself as particularly independent, before,_ she mused. _Well, I guess that's what Lanette told me...that travel would teach me things about myself I'd never dreamed of knowing!_

The idea that she was an independent woman appealed to her, and she explored the self-knowledge some more as she waited for her now-late pick-up.

_I guess I must have had independent inclinations in the first place, to think of owning my own business,_ she realized. _I suppose it's just because I have never been the top boss in my jobs, that I never thought of myself as very individual._

_And then, I have always had friends around...at least until this year._ When she'd always been part of a group, the pressure of decision making had never pressed heavily on her. There had always been someone around to discuss matters with, to share the fun and the troubles.

But after the incident with Joe, she hadn't felt much like getting together with her old friends. Some of them would have noticed her melancholy, and that would have been followed by probing, although caring, questions that Carrie hadn't felt ready to face. Like a wounded animal, she had sought solitude to heal herself.

And it seemed that so many of them were getting paired up and/or married, and encouraging everyone else to do the same, that it wasn't as easy to fit in with her old pals, as it had been in the past. _What is it with couples, anyways,_ she thought grumpily, _that they think they're missionaries for love, or something?_

_Everyone has to take their own time. Someone right will come along for me, eventually._ She tried to ignore the pang at the knowledge that her parents and her grandparents and most people she knew had been married before they reached her own ripe old age of twenty six. _I am not an old maid!_ she told herself fiercely. _And after that experience with Brent in Cairns, I am not going to let anyone push me into seeking relationships I don't want._

_I_ am _enjoying this time to be my own person,_ Carrie realized. _I have been very lucky to have so many good friends all my life, and secure fun jobs, but I am really glad that I came overseas on my own. It's probably a great thing that I am learning how strong my own backbone actually is, and how much I can do and decide by myself._ She knew that no matter what happened in her life now, nothing could take away the new friend she had found in herself. It was wonderful that she'd always had friends to rely on, but it was even more delicious to realize that she could rely on her _self._

Carrie was pulsing with independent woman-power by the time the tour arrived to pick her up. She gave a brilliant smile to the busload of people she would be spending the next two weeks with, and was treated to a flurry of names that she did her best to remember.

The tour guide, who said her name was Kat, looked back in the mirror. "Are we ready, gang?" she asked in a falsely bright voice, and everyone obediently cheered "yes."

"Well, then, we're off!"

Carrie was delighted with her little dome mosquito tent. Since it almost never rained in the Northern Territory in the dry season, a rain fly wasn't necessary. She could see right through to the sky. The fabric shone iridescent in the moonlight, and the gothic arch formed by the poles framed the night picture outside beautifully. From where Carrie lay inside, she could see the Milky Way above, the comforting white arms of a ghost gum tree to her right, and a waterhole, or _billabong,_ in front of her. To her left and slightly behind lay the camp where a table had been set up beside the tour van. The campfire crackled, and a few people were still up beside it, chatting and enjoying the night. Carrie, herself, had been one of the first to turn in, eager to spend some quiet time enjoying her own company and the lovely view through her dome tent.

The _swag_ was new to her, and was much more comfortable than the ordinary sleeping bag and perhaps air pad that Carrie was used to at home. Here, a swag consisted of a canvas-wrapped mattress, pillow, and comforter, and all rolled up small enough to put on the back of a horse! It had been devised by the original swagmen of the Outback, and laying in it now, Carrie felt like she was really experiencing some of the real northern Australian way of life. _Although the original swagmen were probably too tough for this lovely pampered mosquito tent I've got,_ she thought, but shrugged. She liked the tent, so why not use it? To heck with tradition.

She was not as pleased with the tour guide as she was with the scenery. Kat had turned out to be a loud, bossy control freak. She had insisted on issuing the _swags_ and tents in alphabetical order, meticulously writing down each person's number and lecturing them on the proper maintenance and packing for ages. It was time that Carrie would have rather spent exploring her surroundings, especially considering that they had been stuck in the vehicle for most of the day, except for a brief stop for a rushed hike and swim at Katherine Gorge. Carrie had heard rave reviews about the gorge from other backpackers in Darwin, and had been disappointed that the tour had passed it by so quickly. She had heard that the riverboat trip down the gorge to view some ancient aboriginal rock art was spectacular, but they hadn't had nearly enough time for that, before Kat's loud, brassy voice was ordering them back into the van.

As they had driven away from the lovely gorge after really only peeking into the mouth of it, Carrie ironically commented to one of her tour-mates, "Well, that was Katherine Gorge. I guess we can tick that off the list!"

The Swiss girl had agreed enthusiastically, not catching on to Carrie's sarcasm. _Just as well,_ Carrie thought. _I hope I wake up with a more positive attitude tomorrow. I used to be so good at fitting in with groups._

She had been pleased to discover that her travel companions were a good bunch, and she _did_ like most of them. Although she hadn't personally talked to all of them, yet, she had learned that there were people from England, Spain, France, Germany, Switzerland, the United States, and Italy, and that there were some teachers, an oil worker, a pharmacist, a librarian, two construction workers, a nurse, and a few office workers. _They certainly are an interesting group,_ Carrie thought with a smile. _If only Kat would shut up long enough for me to get to know them!_

On the long, empty stretches, the tour guide had insisted on car games of the sort parents used to amuse bored children. Considering that several of them had been involved in some quite interesting conversation, and that Kat had cut it off without caring whether her clients were interested in her stupid games, or not, Carrie had been quite upset on a professional level.

_I know Joe doesn't run his tours by disregarding his clients' wishes,_ Carrie thought. Then she wondered if she'd ever booked her clients on other tours at home where the guides were as obnoxious.

Carrie was suddenly seeing the job she had done for years, from another viewpoint—the tourists'. It was an enlightening, although not entirely pleasant, experience.

_But I have been on other tours, and not been bothered by these issues,_ Carrie reminded herself. _Maybe Kat is a unique case of a really bad tour guide. But why don't the others seem to mind?_ Indeed, Carrie had not heard any of the other people complaining.

_Maybe it is_ me _that has changed,_ Carrie wondered. _Perhaps my expectations are different, from having worked in the tour business._ But the horrifying thought that she might have cheerfully have sent tourists on an experience like the one she was enduring, but in her own beloved Rockies, bothered her long into the night.

Kat's brassy voice woke Carrie in the morning, when the sun was barely up, and she groaned. Kat was stomping all over the camp, yelling about getting up and making an early start, entreating the campers to hurry.

_Here we are, camped in this lovely spot, and she won't even let us take the time to enjoy it,_ Carrie thought grumpily.

But by the time she had dressed and rolled her swag and tent into neat bundles, she was in a better frame of mind. _I'm in Outback Australia,_ she rejoiced, as she listened to a flock of white corellas, small cousins of the cockatoo, screeching to each other in a gum tree across the billabong.

"I wonder what they're saying to each other?" Carlo commented. He had pitched his tent not too far from hers, and now he stood, stretching, as he watched the tree full of birds. _He certainly is a fine-looking man,_ Carrie couldn't help noticing, as he stretched and flexed his arms and torso. He was dressed in a singlet and shorts, which showed his muscles under lovely dark skin quite nicely.

_I wonder if that display is for my benefit?_ she wondered wryly, as she watched him stretch. _If so, I appreciate it!_

"Maybe they're telling each other about their dreams last night?" Carrie suggested.

"Oh? And shall I tell you about my dreams last night?" Carlo suggested, with a twinkle in his eye.

Before Carrie could reply, Kat's screeching voice broke even over the noise of the cockatoos. "Carlo! Carrie! Hurry up! It's time for breakfast, and getting your swags packed away."

Carlo made a face and Carrie couldn't help but laugh. _He's so funny,_ she thought _,_ chuckling in remembrance of some of his antics last night. He had had the whole group in stitches with his outrageous humour.

Now he slung a friendly arm around Carrie's shoulders. "Come on, darling, the cockie calls," he said softly in her ear.

Carrie laughed at his pun, likening the tour leader to the raucous birds, and looked up to see Kat glaring at them. _So she's a jealous one, too._ Carrie shrugged.

As Carlo and Carrie walked into the circle of people around the campfire, they received some whistles, and a few groans.

"It looks like you guys had a good night," someone commented.

"Ah, Carlo. You've snapped Carrie up before any of the rest of us even had a chance! That's no fair," one of the other guys teased, and a couple of other guys agreed. Carrie couldn't help glancing at Kat. The other woman was obviously simmering with envy at the way the guys were making a deal of Carrie.

_It's all just a game that boys play, don't you know that, Kat?_ She would have thought a tour guide would have more knowledge of human nature than Kat seemed to. Carrie had often seen the males in her friend group play the same game, of picking one girl and making much of her. No way were all those guys serious about her. _But it sure does make me feel good,_ she grinned. _I just hope Kat doesn't get vindictive. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the attention._

One of the fellows was offering her hot, buttered campfire toast, and another, solicitously, was asking what she'd like in her morning coffee. Carrie looked at Janet, a British girl she'd gotten to know slightly, and giggled.

Janet understood the game too, and smiled back without rancor. "Lucky girl," she commented.

"Aren't I, just, though?"

Carrie was glad to see that Kat had made herself busy with something at the back of the van, and breakfast passed pleasantly, with plenty of smiles and laughter between the members of the group. _Why not? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and we've got a whole day of an Outback holiday in front of us,_ Carrie thought.

By the end of the day, Carrie was again more than ready to get out of the van for a little peace and quiet. Kat had again dominated the airwaves, encouraging the group to play games rather than converse between themselves, and Carrie's nerves were worn raw with the effort of keeping a smile on her face. _How can it be that I'm the only one who seems to mind?_ she wondered. _But maybe I'm not. I guess I haven't spoken up, any more than the others have. Maybe somebody else does agree._

She was a little ashamed of provoking Kat that morning by allowing Carlo to snuggle up to her. _Obviously she has got some problems, or she wouldn't act that way,_ Carrie realized. She thought guiltily back to another group trip she'd been on, the trip where she had met Lanette. _Lena annoyed Lanette, but I never let that type of woman bother_ me _before._ Carrie thought back to how she had entreated Lanette not to be annoyed by the petty woman. _But that was when we had the whole forest to roam in. At least we could walk away from Lena. Being stuck in such close confines with Kat is not my idea of a good time, even if I can explain her behaviour away psychologically._

_At least my fellow tour-mates are fun,_ she consoled herself. And the scenery was totally new to her. Where the east coast had been lushly green and tropical, the ground here was rocky and red, and the vegetation sparse. "This is the _real_ Outback," Kat had assured them. They had seen bush turkeys and brolga birds, and even a jabiru, but all in passing. Kat had said they were in too much of a hurry to stop, even when the Swiss girl had asked if they could stop to take a picture of one of the weird boabab trees.

Kat assured her arrogantly that they would see plenty of boababs along the track later, so there was no need to stop now. As a consolation, she told them the aboriginal legend about the boabab tree—that it had actually been plucked out during the Dreamtime of creation and put back in upside down, as a punishment for being too vain. Now it was doomed forevermore to be the ugliest tree.

Carrie noticed that Kat's eyes seemed to glare at her in the rear-view mirror, as she spoke the words _too vain,_ but she ignored it. _I'm not vain, I'm just a nice person,_ Carrie defended herself. _And maybe I deserve a little male attention, after the whole last year of being ignored by Joe!_ She had to admit to herself, however, that there was no comparison between this light-hearted fun and the joy she would feel if Joe seriously loved her.

_Or, when I truly fall in love with someone else,_ she reminded herself bracingly. _As I surely will, give time._

This time when Carrie picked up her swag and lovely little tent, and chose a place to lay it out, several of the guys seemed to want to put their tents next to hers. Carrie laughed helplessly at their antics. "Come on, guys, this is going too far. Go chase some of the other girls," she insisted. Grumbling good-naturedly, they found their own sites to sleep, but Carrie noticed that Carlo still managed to pitch his tent fairly near to hers. She shrugged. _Why not? He's a nice guy, after all._ The two of them had shared some pleasant conversation during the day, with Carlo telling her about his home and family in Italy, which sounded lovely. _And, hey, maybe he'll do his stretching exercises again tomorrow morning!_

"Would you like to go for a bit of a walk, Carrie?" Janet asked, coming over to stand beside Carrie's tent. "Kat said there's a billabong half a kilometre or so down the track."

"Sure, Janet, that would be nice." She laid out her sleeping shirt on her swag, zipped closed her backpack, and then crawled out of the tent and zipped it.

"Gee, you maneuver pretty gracefully in that tent," Janet complimented her. "No wasted moves at all. It's quite different from all my fumbling around."

"Thanks," Carrie replied. "I never really thought about it before. I guess it's just because I do so much camping back home. You'll be the same way, once you get a little practice."

Janet chuckled. "I'm not so sure about that. Where are you from again? It's so hard to remember everybody's details."

"I know," Carrie responded, shaking her head ruefully. "I'm from the Rocky Mountains, in Canada."

"Oh. What city would that be close to?" Janet, born and raised in London, needed something she could relate to.

"Near Calgary, in Alberta...or, have you ever hear of Banff?"

"Oh, yeah, maybe...there are lots of ski hills near there, or something."

"Yeah, you got it," Carrie said.

"And they had the Olympics in Calgary once," Janet added, seeming pleased with her powers of recall.

"Right. In fact, where they had the cross-country skiing—a little town called Canmore—that's actually where I'm from."

"Okay, I've got the general idea. You can ski and you're graceful in a tent!" Janet laughed. "That must be why the guys are going ga-ga over you—that 'country-girl' attraction!"

Carrie shook her head. "They're something else, aren't they? Like a group of puppy dogs. They're just playing around. I don't think for a minute any of them are serious."

"Oh, I don't know. Carlo might have a bit of a crush on you," Janet speculated. "I've seen him watching you once or twice. Makes me absolutely frog-green with envy."

"Yeah, right," Carrie laughed. "You're not a lonely girl."

Janet smiled. "Maybe not," she conceded. "Unlike Kat."

"Yeah, what's up with her, anyway?"

"I don't know, but she sure seems to have it in for you, Carrie."

"I guess she just doesn't like anyone else having the attention. I was on another trip where there was a girl like that...but she wasn't that bad, underneath. Just really lonely."

"Maybe that's Kat's problem, too, but I'd watch my back if I were you," Janet warned.

The two girls stopped, as they had reached the edge of the water. "It's lovely!" Carrie exclaimed. Palm trees grew somehow out of an ochre-red cliff above a small pool of water. Even in the fading light, the girls could see small fish and turtles swimming under the water.

"I like the zebra-striped fish best," Carrie confided.

"They're cute, aren't they?" The girls watched the water for a while. "Do you think we should go for a swim?" Janet suggested.

"Maybe...it depends if you think that crocodile on the opposite bank has any friends under the water."

Janet gave an involuntary yelp.

"It's only a freshie," Carrie assured her. "You see, it's got a narrow snout. Supposedly, they don't bite. Only the saltwater crocs are supposed to bite."

"Maybe not," Janet replied, "but I think I won't mind if we forego the swim, at any rate. And I've heard that those so-called 'saltwater' crocs can live in freshwater just as well, if they've swum up flooded river and decided to stay upstream when the flooding goes down. And by the looks of this landscape, I would say this waterhole is part of a full-on river in the wet season, so a 'saltie' _could_ be staying up here...I'd rather just stay away."

"I won't argue with you. It will be cooling off pretty soon, and I don't really feel like having wet hair," Carrie said.

"Good reason," Janet teased. "Well, I guess we should get back, to help cook dinner."

"Yeah, I guess," Carrie said regretfully. _If I was under my own steam, instead of on this stupid tour, I could stay by this waterhole until dark, if I wanted. It seems such a shame that I spent all that money on this tour, and I only get a few minutes per day to really enjoy the outdoors._

"Hey, you can stay here, if you want. I just want to see what Miles is up to. I'm sure they've got enough people chopping vegetables already."

"Miles? Is that the German carpenter?"

Janet nodded.

"O-oh, so that's your reason," Carrie teased. "Actually, I think I will stay on here for a bit. Watch out for snakes on the way back!"

"Thanks, I will."

Carrie found an ant-free patch of earth beside a ghost gum and sat down, resting her back against its trunk. _I wish I knew what all these birds are,_ she thought. At home, she was familiar with most species, but here they were all new to her. There was a white stork-like wading bird that she thought might be an ibis or a crane of some kind, and there were a few ducks around. Tiny finches peeped in and out of the scene occasionally, and sometimes cockatoos and pink galahs flew over in flocks.

She sighed, feeling at last truly relaxed for the first time that day.

"You are not worried about getting bitten by ants?" Came a deep voice off to her left. She turned her head to see Carlo a few feet away, looking tall and attractive in long chino pants and a long-sleeved black shirt.

"No, it seems like a safe spot, for the moment."

"Is there room for two?" he asked.

"Sure," she said, and moved over a bit so he could rest his back against the gum tree, too. He stole her hand as he sat down, and they rested silently for a while, just listening to the birds and watching the peaceful scene.

"Carrie," he said at last, "I have to tell you. I am getting very fond of you."

"Oh!" she said. The first thought that came to her was, _Janet was right!_

"Well?" he asked finally. "Do you at all like me?"

"How could I not, Carlo?" she answered honestly. "Everyone likes you." He was quiet, and she sensed that she hadn't given the answer he was seeking. "Carlo, I...I only want to take things slow for a while. I can't just...rush into anything right now."

"Keeping your options open?" he asked cynically.

She looked at the big, attractive man beside her. "No, it's not that."

"Then there is someone else."

"No...not exactly. There _was_ someone else, I guess you might say. I am trying to get over him, but..."

"Ah," he breathed, "well, perhaps this could help." He turned her face very gently and captured her lips in a warm, slow kiss. _He sure knows what he's doing,_ Carrie thought, as his fingers caressed his shoulders while his mouth caressed hers. He was warm, and...delicious, although there was none of the spark that she had felt with Rob.

Her brows drew into a frown as she thought of _him_ again. _Darnit! Can't he even stay out of_ this? Carlo sensed her attention wandering and drew back. "What's wrong, carina?" he murmured.

"Oh, Carlo, nothing's wrong...with you. It's just me. I warned you that I need to take things slow..."

"This man, he is on your mind a lot, isn't he?"

"More than I would like him to be," she admitted.

"It must have been a very great passion," Carlo said. "But I will erase him...in time. It is getting darker. Should we head back?" he asked solicitously.

She nodded, and he gave her his hand to help her up. "I will go first to watch for snakes, okay?" he asked.

"Okay," she said, and they made their way back to where the 'kitchen' was set up.

_Have I finally found a guy to help me over Joe?_

Joe heard the dull roar of blood in his ears and the slow thud of his heart started to race as he saw the tour van pull into the campground. _Well, that's the right logo on the vehicle...now just to see if Carrie's really on it._ After all his preparations, it was exciting, but scary, to think that he might finally have the chance to talk to her, to start to mend their friendship, as he intended to do.

He gulped some tea from his tin cup in an effort to alleviate the lump in his throat. _And then...can I make her love me, too?_ he wondered, but tried to shove the thought back. He reminded himself of his plan. _First, the friendship. Make sure she trusts me again and then—only then—if it seems the time is right, should I mention anything about love. She'll just run a mile if I pour my heart out first off...heaven knows, it scares_ me _enough._

Joe realized that the girls were looking at him as if they expected an answer to something. "I'm sorry," he said smoothly. "What did you say?"

"We were just wondering if you were okay. You look a little spooked all of a sudden," Marie said.

"Oh...sorry, I'm fine. I just got lost in thought for a moment, there. Was there something else?" he asked politely, since the girls were still looking at him. He spoke as he might to some of Blue & White's tour clients back home.

"Are a salad and beans on toast okay with you for a dinner menu?" Brigitte asked.

"Sure, whatever. You girls haven't made me a bad meal yet." He had met the two of them at the hostel in Darwin where he'd stayed for a couple of nights, and when they found out that he was heading down this way, they'd asked if they could ride along in the vehicle he'd bought second hand, in exchange for feeding him. It had seemed like a great idea to him, and he was glad he'd picked them up. They were good company, and they gave the trip a veneer of normalcy when he thought his worries about Carrie might make his head explode.

As it had turned out, the Australian High Commission had ruled against giving him a working visa. He had decided to sell his truck to make sure he had enough money to roam around Australia looking for Carrie. It was something he would have never thought he'd do, but when the choice came, he knew that no treasured possession meant anything as much to him, as getting Carrie back in his life did.

He hadn't told his travelling companions about his real reasons for travelling this way, and they had just assumed that he was a regular tourist like they were, travelling to see the scenery. He had plenty of time to kill while waiting to track down Carrie, so he had willingly gone along with the girls' agenda. They had already researched the area and had a list of the hikes they wanted to do and things to see. The only aspect of the trip Joe insisted on controlling was their campsite each night.

He'd been extremely lucky to find someone in Darwin who knew the tour company's route, and didn't mind pinpointing the campsites they used along the track. If it hadn't been for that meeting, Joe wouldn't have had much chance of finding her. It gave him confidence that destiny must be on his side.

_Destiny...my travel companions must be influencing my brain!_ he thought. The Belgian girls were a little more hippyish than his usual companions, but they were relaxed and easygoing, so he didn't mind. Their cheerfulness was a balm when his own mind felt so heavy and worried. _Or maybe it's just the effect of realizing I'm in love, true love, for the first time in my life._

Marie brought the teapot over and graciously refilled his cup. _Darn,_ he thought. _Now I'll have to drink this, too, before I can wander over and check out the tour's camp to see if Carrie's really there. By then they'll have made the meal...darnit, I'm not going to get over there until after supper._ He felt his heart begin to thud heavily _._ Although he had thought of little else, but what he would say to Carrie when he found her, his mind was now a blank. _If this state of mind keeps up much longer,_ he thought humorously, _I'm going to have to start to write things down!_

He had always prided himself on his clear, quick, accurate memory, but over the past few days he had noticed himself missing small details that he was always on top of before. They were only little things, like pulling in to fill the truck with fuel, and forgetting to wash the bugs and dust off the windshield before leaving, or going to the grocery store, and coming away without half of what he had intended to get. _It's a double good thing those girls are taking care of the food,_ he thought, _or I might forget to eat at all_. It just seemed that all his mental energy of late was needed for his quest, and all the practical details were too much effort.

_I'm definitely becoming a basket case. I need to get this done._

He made a quick decision. _I'll just take a look around their camp, make sure it's really Carrie's group._ "Girls, I'm just going to take a little wander around before dinner. How much time have I got?"

They told him and he set off with a purposeful stride.

"Hey, Carrie, you'll never believe it, but there's another Canadian camped nearby," Janet said, as they strolled back into camp.

"Really?" With her head still full, processing what had just happened with Carlo, she only gave Janet half an ear.

"Yeah, I met him when I went to the loo. He's gorgeous," she whispered conspiratorially. "Tall and blonde, and built like Adonis."

"Or Carlo?" Carrie teased.

"Or Carlo," Janet agreed. "Anyway, wouldn't you rather chase one of your own countrymen? His name's Joe, and he said he might stop by later."

_Joe?_ Carrie's hand shook. "No." The involuntary cry was torn from her.

Janet looked at her oddly. "Are you okay?"

Carrie managed a weak smile. "Sure." _It can't be the same Joe. There have got to be other Joes from Canada._

_But tall, blonde ones, built like Adonis, smoothly flirting with every girl in sight?_

_What am I going to do?_ Carrie was feeling frantic.

He forced himself to remain calm and nonchalant through dinner, and fell back on the familiar, easy game of charming the people he was with. Afterwards, while the three of them companionably washed up, he asked if they'd like to go visit the tour group's campfire with him. They were easy, friendly girls, and thought that was a lovely idea.

He arrived in time to see the van pulling away.

"If you're looking for Kat, she's gone in to the roadhouse to get some supplies," one of the guys around the campfire informed their little group.

"Oh, no, I was looking for —" Joe stopped himself just in time, realizing that it probably wasn't a good strategy to give his plan away just yet. "We're just here for a bit of a visit," he finished.

"Ah, well, the more the merrier!" Someone from the campfire toasted him. "You're in luck, we've even got a few spare chairs. A few extra people went into town with Kat. They won't be back for ages."

"Yeah, isn't it weird how Carrie decided to go with Kat into town?" someone else commented. "I could swear those two don't like each other." _I've missed her?_ he thought, but his attention was captured by the conversation around him.

"Carrie's really nice," defended one of the guys. "Kat just seems to have taken a dislike to her for some reason. Can you believe how Kat tried to tell Carrie to stay and do the dishes rather than go into town, because she hadn't been around to help make dinner? Unreal."

"Yeah, that was pretty weird. At least half of us weren't around at that time, but she chose to pick on poor Carrie," someone else chimed in.

"It's probably because she wants Carlo for herself," one of the girls noted astutely. "Do you see the way he looks at Carrie? With those puppy dog eyes? And Kat seems to get uptight every time."

Joe was getting way more information than he'd bargained for as the gossip flew around the group. _There's another guy already?_ he thought, with a sinking heart. _But I shouldn't be surprised. She's been down here for ages, now, and she's an attractive girl...just because she didn't find a man in Canmore doesn't mean she planned to stay single forever..._

He had rejoiced when he'd learned from her mom that Carrie had moved on from Cairns, leaving the guy she'd been living with behind. _Naturally I would want a clear playing field,_ he thought. _But this just makes my plan even better...she can't turn down my friendship, even if there is another guy in the picture._

He settled into his chair to get to know the group. _You guys might not realize it, but you'll be seeing me a lot_.

# Chapter Five

The next day passed in much the same pattern as the ones before...plenty of driving, dominated by Kat's chatter or commands, and a couple of beautiful walks in the Outback. Carrie's nerves were strung taut all day. She had woken up with a spurt of adrenaline, ready to fight some unseen foe, and then she remembered her scare of the night before. At breakfast, Janet had filled her in on life around the campfire while they'd been gone...the guy named Joe had stopped by for a while, and he was _just tops._ He had a couple of girls with him, Janet had said, so she hadn't had a chance to further her acquaintance with him.

"Mind you, I would have liked to, love. Oh well, maybe we'll meet him further up the track."

_Oh, I hope not,_ Carrie thought, but the possibility kept her tense for the rest of the day. _Just when I might be getting something going with another guy, he crashes in to wreck it all,_ she thought resentfully.

_Maybe it's not even him,_ she reminded herself, but the worry kept her distracted all day, so that she missed most of the meaningful glances Carlo slanted her way. He shrugged and concentrated on making everyone laugh.

"Tomorrow, we'll be going into the Bungle Bungles," Kat promised, and spent the night camp bragging about how wonderful that would be. Her rude domination of the campfire scene only gave Carrie one more reason to go to her tent very early.

_I'm not hiding,_ she told herself, as she tossed and turned in her swag. _It might not even be my Joe. And he probably won't even show up again, anyway._

_Okay, maybe I am hiding,_ she admitted an hour later, when she was still awake _._ _But it's for my own protection!_

As she rolled around in her swag, listening to the group, she began to feel resentful. _I'm missing out on the company of people I like, all because of an obnoxious woman, and worrying that Joe had to come poking his nose around. Isn't it enough that he wrecked my life at home? Why does he have to spoil things here, too? Is there no way to find a little peace in this life?_

Her just nature insisted that she probably wasn't being fair to Joe, to think of him so strongly. She tried to resurrect memories of all the fun they'd had through the years. Her intellect reminded her that he was one of the kindest men she knew—always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it, and he liked to teach small children useful things about surviving in the bush. But all her heart could remember was the humiliation.

The following day on the van, Carrie was again quieter than usual. She was feeling furious with herself over wasting the night before. Janet had seemed surprised when Carrie asked about Joe, and said, no, of course he hadn't turned up. _It's probably not even my Joe,_ she reminded herself. _And look how worked up I've let myself get? All the drama is in my head. Nobody else feels it._

Eventually comforted by the presence of Janet beside her, who was involved with the group in yet another one of Kat's travel games, Carrie allowed her thoughts to drift as she stared out the window at the sparse landscape.

A field of spinifex looked lushly green from a distance, but up closer it became apparent that the verdant tussocks, devoid of nutrition to any creature but the termites, disguised acres of bare, useless earth. Carrie couldn't help the analogy to her own present life that sprang to her mind. _In my letters home, it sounds wonderful, and I've fooled myself that I have been healing, but now that I've had this scare over Joe showing up, it's like looking closer at the bare, dry earth._

_I feel empty, useless, underneath my meaningless smile._

For miles they drove beside one of the brush fires so common in the dry season of the Top End of Australia, and tears slipped down Carrie's cheek. _That's how my soul feels now._ Being forced to think about Joe again had been the lightning that started the fire, and now it was as if all the healing and growing she had done since arriving Down Under, was being burned to bare earth and blackened, skeletal trees, so that her soul's wounds gaped open and raw again.

They stopped for lunch beside a waterfall, and Carrie appreciated the habit they'd all adopted of wearing their bathing suits under their shorts and T-shirts as she wandered over to the ledge to sit under a cool, refreshing spray. Ignoring that the others were eating lunch, and she probably should be, too, she remained motionless there for quite a while, feeling as if the bracing liquid on her skin could wash away the heat of the pain inside her, of the knowledge that all her efforts these past months had come to naught. Time had done nothing. She was no more over Joe than she had been the day she left Canada, or even, she acknowledged, than she had been the morning after they made love. Pain seared through her, and she wanted to cry out with frustration. _Why me? Why must I go through such misery?_ she wondered. _I'm a nice person, and I just wanted to spend my life in my community, with my friends, and create a little café where friends could be happy together...now this stupid emotion has taken everything away from me._ She thought again of the bush fire, the knowledge that her own stores of vitality had been just as burnt, and despaired that her soul would ever find life again.

_Is Joe really here, in Australia?_ She wondered again if it could be possible. It didn't matter whether he was, she knew. The shock of thinking of him had been lightning bolt enough to start the destructive fire that had burnt her. She felt empty, without hope, without any plan for the future.

"Carrie, you will catch a chill, under that cold water for so long," Carlo, standing suddenly beside her, protested, startling her. He took her numb hand in his, pulling her gently up and away from the water. "Come, eat some lunch," he coaxed.

When she raised her eyes to his, he caught his breath at the dead pain mirrored there. "Carrie, what has happened? Why do you hurt so much?" He gathered her into his arms, and Carrie clung gratefully to his strength, wrapping her arms around him and holding on to his solid reality.

After a few minutes, he stood back, and framed her face in his hand. "Come, Carrie, make the best of this. Eat some lunch with us, and smile for me." She tried, but the pulling of her mouth came as a grimace, more than a smile.

Carlo quickly kissed her lips, then each cheek in turn, and her forehead, and her ear, and her neck. The funny little pecks tickled, and she laughed despite herself.

"That is better," he proclaimed with satisfaction. "You are a girl meant for laughter, not tears."

_How terrible to love Joe and not this wonderful man!_ Carrie despaired, but when her face turned sad at the thought, Carlo began his pecking routine again, and she allowed herself to be led towards the lunch table, laughing despite herself.

Egged on by Carlo and eased by the light-hearted fun the rest of the group was enjoying as they tidied up, Carrie managed to eat half a sandwich, and then they were again on the road.

_I should take more refuge in this easy friendship,_ Carrie realised, _instead of letting myself get so depressed._

She couldn't help likening her fragile state of mind to a termite construction—built of the inedible spinifex grass and earth, it was a comfortable, protected place to live, and looked impressive, but it wasn't any good at all to stay inside when it was time to venture out and live. The worry over Joe had forced her to come out of the protection of her happy facade of the past few months, and she felt just as vulnerable as one of the tiny white termites would, outside the nest and facing a raging, violent meat ant.

They arrived at their campsite in the Bungle Bungles after many slow hours on an awful road.

"They keep it this way on purpose," Kat told them confidently, "to limit the number of visitors."

"The woman really won't admit to anything about her tour being less than perfect, will she?" Carrie whispered to Janet, who giggled.

"Except perhaps the way you seem to hog all the boys' attention," Janet whispered back. "I don't think she's too pleased about that."

"I don't —" Carrie started indignantly, but then saw the twinkle in Janet's eyes, and joined her in smiling. "Ah, well, she seems to demand her own share of the attention, anyway," Carrie commented.

"She certainly does," Janet had agreed.

Despite the road conditions, the scenery truly was interesting, so that Carrie hadn't been able to help asking Kat a few questions about the names of the brilliant orange and red flowers, and the uses of some wildly unfamiliar plants. The green spinifex was everywhere, the spiky, nearly-useless grass reminding Carrie of her earlier morose mood, but she squashed the feeling and focussed on the flowers and the excitement about what might be around the next hill in the road.

They had stopped at the campsite to set up tents and have a cup of tea. Kat entreated them to hurry, as usual, promising that they would take a drive to watch the sunset change the colours on the mountains as soon as they finished their 'afternoon smoko' break.

"Janet, would you like to set your tent up near me this time?" Carrie asked. It occurred to her that the other girl's presence, apart from being enjoyable, might help to keep Carlo to his promise to take things slowly.

"Not unless you're planning to set up nearer to the camp than before. I don't want to be out there with the spiders and snakes and who knows what else!" Janet laughed.

"Aw, come on. Our lovely little tents keep everything out." Carrie coaxed. "I haven't even had so much as a mosquito. And it's so peaceful when you get out under the stars, away from the party noise."

Janet shook her head. "Maybe that's okay for mountain girls like you. But I'd rather stay with the party, thanks."

Carrie considered her options, but decided she would much rather be out in the open, than crowded together with everyone else. _Carlo's trustworthy,_ she reminded herself. _And anyway, if anything bad does happen, I can always scream._

Kat had warned of the creatures living in the long grass when they arrived at this camp, so Carrie found a nice patch of bare ground a distance away from the kitchen and arranged her swag inside her tent, ready to hop in without too much fumbling around later, when it would be dark. Satisfied with her little nest, she found her washcloth and cleansing lotion, and made for the water tap before joining the others for a cup of tea.

Noticing that the tap had been cleverly isolated by the way Kat had parked the truck, she decided to have a quick partial sponge bath while she had some privacy. She took off her shirt, leaving on her bra, and proceeded to give herself the best wash she'd had in days.

At last he saw her go to the water tap, alone. He was about to step forward, to greet her after all this time, when she decided to take her shirt off. He was stopped in his tracks. She turned to keep an eye on her own camp, guarding her privacy, and he was presented with the sight of her back. His body responded to the sight of her bare skin and he fought to control it, to remember his friendship plan.

He felt like a peeping Tom, hiding in the trees, but he was trapped. He didn't want to go face her in his obvious state of arousal, but it refused to be controlled as his eyes roamed hungrily over her. He looked away, focussing on a green ant climbing the gum tree beside him, struggling for control. Even the sound of the water as she splashed it against her skin seemed to arouse him. Looking or not, he was aware of her with every sense he had. The very air seemed to vibrate with her presence.

The sound of water stopped and he realized she must be gathering her things to leave. He stepped forward quickly, worried that she would get away again. He searched for his rehearsed greeting words.

They didn't come.

_So here I am, staring like a gaping fish. Perfect._

Carrie had been in the act of putting her shirt on, but she, too, had stopped. She was standing with her arms almost into a blue plaid long-sleeved button up shirt that he had seen her wearing a few times around town, and had fantasized about un-buttoning.

_Oh, God,_ he mentally groaned. _My hormones are going so crazy, there's no way I'm going to be able to talk properly to her._ The experience was much worse than anything he remembered from his teenage years.

She spoke first. "What are you doing here, Joe?" her tone was more aggressive than he'd ever heard it, and his euphoric tension he'd been suspended in began to fade.

"I'm, uh..."

As she'd spoken, she'd finished putting her shirt on, and was now buttoning it, not looking at him.

"Well, Carrie, I heard you had come down here and it sounded like such a great adventure I thought I'd try it too. I felt like a change, I guess." He paused. She was watching him, her face inscrutable. "Actually, I was hoping you'd like to come travel with me in the truck I got."

"Ute."

"What?"

"They call them _utes_ here, not trucks."

"Oh. Yeah, right."

"I'm on a tour," she said.

"Well, I know...after the tour, then."

"I don't think you've got any room in your truck. From what I heard, you have it filled up with girls, already, so you don't need me, Joe. As far as I figure, it's just as well that I've got myself occupied," she said, and before he could reply, she'd turned on her heel and stormed away.

He gathered his thoughts. _So much for the first attempt,_ he thought. _Did I ever mess that up!_ Resigned, he went back to where they'd set up camp and sat down. He'd let the girls take the truck out for another hike, claiming that he was too old and tired and that he was going to take a nap. They'd laughed, their eyes showing that they didn't believe for a minute that he was old and tired, but they hadn't pressed him for his real reason.

Depressed at his failure in talking to Carrie and needing something to do while he re-thought his strategy, he decided to make dinner for Marie and Brigitte, for a change. Rummaging around in the supplies they'd bought, he found the ingredients for an omelette and sat down to work. As he was slicing some zucchinis, he heard Carrie's tour van pull away. _Where are they going? They're not leaving camp again, are they?_ he worried. He was tempted to run over to the camp, knife in hand, but he managed to force himself to finish chopping the vegetables and wrap them properly against the insects. He put them in the cooler, ready to cook when the girls got back, before strolling casually towards the tour's camp. He was relieved to see that the camping gear was all there, although no people were.

He suddenly had an idea for a better strategy to insure a chance to talk to Carrie. He decided to do a furtive little bit research before the group got back.

The sound of laughter echoed out through the camp as Joe wrapped up his story, and everyone's glance swung to Kat and Carlo, waiting for them to top it. The three of them seemed to be having an unofficial competition, vying for the group's laughter and admiration. Everyone was entertained, so no-one seemed to mind the distinctly competitive edge in the boys' manner towards each other.

Kat launched in with another one of her self-congratulatory tales, but Carrie tuned her out. There was no question in her mind whose stories she preferred...Joe's. Heck, she herself had figured largely in many of them, and Joe had made no secret of the fact. In fact, he seemed to be playing up his and Carrie's past friendship as much as he could, effectively laying claim to her in the group's perception, though it was Carlo's arm that was around her shoulders as they sat in the campfire circle.

In fact, Joe's stories were making her feel quite homesick. Although she loved hearing them, and thinking about all the wonderful memories of places and people she loved at home, another part of her wanted to escape beyond the light of the campfire, into the foreign splendour of the Outback behind. Maybe there she could lose herself once again into the fantasy that she was a free woman, not tied to Joe and home by the strings of her heart.

Carlo murmured something in her ear about the story Kat was telling, and she made a noncommittal answer. Perhaps he read her mind, for he asked if she'd like to go for a walk. She didn't really want to be alone with him, though, so she declined. He shrugged and gave his attention back into the circle, although his hand traced warm circles where it rested on her shoulder.

The motion vaguely annoyed her, but she wouldn't move away from it as long as Joe could see. It was just as well that he should imagine she was seeing Carlo—it would reduce the chances of him guessing that she was sick with love for him.

Janet caught her eye ten or fifteen minutes later, and jerked her head towards the outside of the circle. Carrie nodded, and excused herself from Carlo. Gratefully she met Janet outside the light cast by the campfire, and the two girls walked some distance into the night.

"You're not as worried about the creepy crawlies anymore," Carrie teased her. "You see, I told you that you would get used to it."

"The situation seemed to call for it," Janet said practically. "You needed to get out of there, and I could tell you didn't want to leave alone in case one of them followed you."

Carrie was grateful for her friend's sensitivity and perception. They walked on in silence until they came to one of the other organized camping spots that was vacant for the moment.

"It's lovely out here, isn't it?" Janet said as she took a cigarette out of a packet she'd had in her pocket, and lit it. Carrie disliked the smell of cigarettes intensely, especially when she was out in the clean, pure air of the wilderness, but she didn't want to mention it and spoil the moment. It was just as well that Janet had felt like a smoke break, for it had given Carrie an opportunity to get away, too. _Maybe her nicotine habit helps her be so easygoing and understanding,_ Carrie thought. _Cigarettes are supposed to calm you down, aren't they? Maybe I should start._

_No._ No matter what her troubles, Carrie knew she wouldn't resort to anything that life-threatening. She observed where the white smoke drifted from the tip of the cigarette, then sat on a stump upwind.

"So, what's the story with this Joe guy?" Janet asked directly. "Obviously, he's tracked you down for some reason."

"Oh." Carrie was glad that the moonlight, bright as it was, wouldn't show the blush she felt heating her cheeks. "I...We...He..." Carrie stumbled over words, trying to string together something that would explain what she didn't understand herself. "Don't you think it might just be a coincidence that we ended up in this campground together?" she asked Janet finally,

"Not by the way he's making such a big deal of claiming you." She took a drag on the cigarette while Carrie absorbed that. "And I would say he wasn't very happy with Carlo's arm around you, either."

"I don't know why, when he always has umpteen girls around, himself," Carrie grumbled.

"So? Are you going to tell me the story, or not?"

Carrie sighed. "Hasn't Joe already told everything there is to tell about our life together?" she joked.

Janet waited while Carrie gathered her thoughts, then finally spoke. "Obviously not, or I'd know why you've been travelling alone, and why he felt so compelled to track you down. There must have been some sort of problem," she concluded logically.

"As you've probably gathered, we were good friends—no, great friends, the best, for a long time." She paused again, unsure how to go on.

"So, what happened?"

"Sex," Carrie replied succinctly, opting to be direct. Janet was a no-nonsense girl, why pretty it up?

"After a party one night, we both had a little too much to drink, and, well...ended up in bed."

"What's the big deal? Wasn't he any good at it? He seems like he'd be dynamite."

"Oh, he was. At least, I think he was. It was my only time, so I don't have anyone to compare him with. I loved it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Ah. Well." Carrie could feel herself blushing again, and hated it. "I guess it's _me_ who wasn't any good. He certainly didn't come back asking for more. In fact, he has barely spoken to me since."

"It sure seems like he wants to get back together with you now, though."

"But we never were _together_ , so to speak. There was only—well, friendship—and then, nothing. That's why I came down here, actually." Carrie felt a flutter in her stomach as she realized she was about to share all her deepest secrets with a near-stranger again, and wondered if she should back up and keep to herself while she still could.

But the prospect of sharing her burden was too welcoming. _And Janet's not Brent,_ she reminded herself.

"Janet, do you promise to keep all this a deadly secret? You won't tell anyone or try to force me into doing anything, in the name of 'trying to help' me?"

Janet, in the act of lighting another cigarette, raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Who would I tell? And what would I make you do?"

Comforted by the calm disinterest in Janet's manner, Carrie decided to unburden herself, after all. "I'm in love with him, Janet."

Janet stopped in mid-inhale. Her hand fell to her side, and her mouth dropped open. "Pardon me? You're sure not acting like it. You're acting like a regular icebox towards him."

"Yes, well, I have to, you see. I mean, it's just because I care for him still that I can't let him know..." the effort of digging around inside herself was making her restless, and she stood up to pace. "He _apologized_ , Janet, I mean, as if he'd done something wrong. Twice. I woke up in love, and he woke up...horrified."

"Well, you did say it was your first time. Maybe he was just reacting to his surprise."

Carrie looked sharply at Janet. "Yeah, but how long would you expect for him to take to get over that?"

"Oh, I don't know, depends on the guy. A day or two, probably. Some guys, maybe a couple of weeks."

"Mmm." Carrie nodded. "You see? It's been a year and a half, Janet. _A year and a half._ " Carrie paced up to a termite mound, and then back again. "For a year, I was hopeful. I mean, I was living out at this gorgeous hotel in the mountains, but I moved into the town, hoping, maybe, that he'd come seek me out...but all I got for my trouble was earfuls of gossip." She tried to keep her voice from rising, but it was a big effort. "You wouldn't believe how many girls he dates. He's the man about town, all right."

"He's here now."

"Yeah, but I don't know why. To apologize again, maybe. I told him, I don't blame him for how he feels. He doesn't have any obligation towards me."

"You can't stop him if he wants to feel obligated," Janet told her gently.

"No," Carrie admitted. "I suppose not. But I hate it. I mean...how devastating, that he doesn't seem to want me, when I want him."

"Then what does he want?"

"I don't know," Carrie confessed. "To absolve his guilt, I suppose. He surprised me at the water tap earlier today, but I didn't give him a chance to speak, really. It seems he's just after friendship, though, that he actually thinks we can just be buddy-ole-pals again. He said he heard that I was having a great adventure, and why not join it. He thought I'd like to travel with him."

"Well, why not? Wouldn't it be worth a try to be with him for a while, to get him out of your system? Maybe he is after your body, after all."

"After he made me wait for a year? Great, so I can have him, but only after umpteen others. It's degrading, to be so second-rate."

Janet sighed. "Look, do you want this guy or not?"

Carrie looked bewildered. "He's really not mine to get. I thought I just explained that to you. It's impossible."

"Are you so sure?"

"We spent a year living that close to each other, and he never made a move. I think he went out with nearly every girl in town _but_ me."

"But did _you_ make any moves on him?"

"Of course not."

"Well, how do you know that he doesn't want you? Maybe he was watching you all that time and waiting for a sign. A sign that _you_ didn't give him."

"Carlo didn't need any signs."

"No. Nor did any of the other guys who've been acting like fools. But you said yourself they're not serious. And Carlo is a different breed. One you don't really want, if I'm not mistaken."

"He's a nice guy!" Carrie defended.

"Sure, he's a nice guy. But he doesn't set you on fire like Joe does. Look at you—you can't even sit still while you talk about him!"

Carrie abruptly sat down on the stump beside Janet, silent, seething.

Janet took a few more slow drags on her cigarette, blowing the smoke out into long clouds away from Carrie.

"So what are you suggesting I do?" she asked finally, sullen.

"I'm not suggesting anything, doll. I'm just listening."

"Right."

They were silent for a while longer.

"Look," Janet said. "Let's just say he did come down here mad with lust for you. If I were you, I'd take him up on it."

"If I were me, and he were mad with lust for me, I'd be jumping into bed with him, too," Carrie admitted. "Second string or not, if he kissed me, I probably wouldn't be able to stop myself. The problem is, Janet, that he's _not_ mad with lust for me. He came down here on the notion that we're _friends._ Like, he thinks that I am just one of the guys, meanwhile he's got those two sweet little Belgian girls sleeping with him."

"They seem like very nice girls, and I don't think they're _sleeping with him_ in the way you mean," Janet said.

"Whatever," Carrie said carelessly.

"Okay, so he thinks he's your best friend. It still means he loves you. Why don't you turn it into lust? You're attractive enough. If you really want him, why don't you make him love you?"

Carrie considered the idea. "You can't just _make_ love."

"No, but the ones who are your friends first, they're the ones who make the best husbands," Janet said.

"How would you know?" Carrie said, sounding angry in her state of agitation.

"I had one," Janet said quietly. "He just died last year."

"Oh, my God," Carrie said, distraught, guilty at her insensitivity. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Janet said. "You weren't to know. But I'll tell you, I wouldn't have missed a day of the time that I had with him." A tear glistened in her eye. "I think you have a better chance than you seem to think, with Joe. And if you had a deep friendship before, well, that's just all the better. Deep love doesn't come along very often, Carrie. Even if it's only the love of friends, it's not worth throwing away. Don't let anger or fear stand in your way."

She took another drag of her cigarette, composing her face, ignoring the tears that wet her cheeks. "It's not my position to interfere, Carrie, and I'm still here to listen when you want me to."

Carrie felt like hugging her, but sensed it wouldn't be the right thing to do while her British friend struggled with her own dignity.

"I do want to say, though...you and Joe are both just so _nice._ I think you could make a great couple. But you seriously need to learn how to talk to each other. Life is short, Carrie. Find a way to speak up."

Carrie, staring straight ahead at the white bark of a gum tree, nodded slowly.

"Well," Janet sighed, "I'm off to bed. Do you want to walk back to the camp with me?"

"Sure." The two girls trudged back in silence, sneaking past the group at the campfire, who seemed to be still going strong.

"Goodnight, Carrie whispered, as Janet stopped at her tent. "And...thank you."

"You're welcome, Carrie. Goodnight."

Carrie cast a quick glance back to the campfire, but was glad to see that no-one there seemed to have noticed them. She snuck off to her tent and curled up inside.

The chat with Janet had brought what could be an important point home. _What if Joe died, and I had to live with the knowledge that I never really tried to get him for myself?_ The thought was sobering. Had spending the year as his almost-neighbour not been enough? Did she owe it to herself to put her pride on the line again? Even aside from pride, she wasn't sure she was brave enough to bring up what she really wanted to know. _Do you love me?_ She tussled with the thoughts until she drifted, at last, into a troubled sleep.

_Mmmm, these swags are so nice and warm, I can't think why we don't have them in Canada,_ was Carrie's first waking thought the next morning. _Hmmm...it seems to be a lot warmer here in the Bungle Bungles than it was out in the flatter areas. It must be because of the protection of the hills._ She dreamily opened her eyes.

Or because she wasn't alone! Joe was lying beside her with his arm across her middle, his green eyes watching her face.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"It's so nice to be near to you again, Carrie. I just couldn't resist." His voice was deep and happy, with no traces of guilt or regret.

"But...I thought I snuck away without any of you seeing last night," she murmured, half to herself.

"I snooped while you all were out yesterday afternoon, and found out where your tent was, so I could sneak back in the dark," he admitted, sounding rather proud of his ingenuity.

Carrie was speechless. Had he been sleeping with her all night?

"Anyway," Joe whispered, "the rest of the camp will be up soon, so I guess I'd better get out of here." As he spoke, he wiggled out of his standard sleeping bag and pulled jeans on over red boxer shorts, Carrie noted with interest. She tried to still the quivers in her stomach at the sight of the sparse hair on his chest, which she remembered as being baby-soft against her contented cheek, and thought of what Janet had said about taking what she wanted. _There really wouldn't be time before Kat gets up and starts her caterwauling, anyway,_ she realized. _And this lovely little mosquito tent is as good as see-through._

Before she could frame any more thoughts, he had slipped out of the tent with not even a good-bye. She lay there for a few minutes, heart thundering, struggling for control, and then shrugged and crawled out of her swag. She got dressed with practiced, economical movements, and soon had her swag nicely made up like a bed and her backpack tidied up and zipped closed.

Kat was just beginning to stir. It would be a few moments before she was fully up and roaring, so Carrie decided to have another luxurious wash at the water tap while it was free.

That done, she decided to take a small stroll and do some stretches before everyone woke up. Sitting in the vehicle so much of the day, with the vigorous hikes in between, was play havoc with the flexibility of her muscles. She had just finished having a really good stretch when Joe came back. He was carrying something which she couldn't identify until he got closer.

"BlueBantrim pancakes!" They were her favorite breakfast, and Joe knew it. He was carrying two plates of them, buttered and with a little syrup drizzled over.

"Shall we find a little privacy to eat them?"

His smile was more than she could resist. She smiled back. "Kat will probably be furious with me for dodging her early morning roll-call."

Joe shrugged. Carrie laughed aloud. "Good." She led him away in the same direction she'd strolled, and they sat down near the woodpile. "Not very picturesque," she apologized, "but this _is_ a group camp, after all."

"Mmmm." Joe had passed her plate of pancakes over, and already had his mouth wrapped around a forkful of them.

"These are delicious," Carrie told him, as she savored her first mouthful. Sitting here with him, eating a meal they had shared countless times before, it was easy to forget all the troubles between them.

But it wasn't easy to forget the attraction. Now when her eyes wandered to his hair-roughened legs under the shorts he'd changed into, she wanted to trace the line of each muscle with her fingers. When their eyes collided, her stomach did flip-flops and she had to look away. _No,_ Carrie reminded herself, _it's not the same as it used to be, with us. It will never be the same._

_But will it get better? Or is it only lost forever?_

"So?" Joe asked at last. "Do the pancakes change your mind about travelling with me, after all?"

# Chapter Six

Carrie wiped the sweat off her brow to stop it from running in her eyes. She wanted to see everything around her very clearly.

Mercifully, Kat had told them that morning that there would be very little time spent travelling in the vehicle, and they had spent the day hiking in the various gorges of the park.

Carrie shielded her eyes from the brilliant sunlight as her eyes followed a line of palm trees growing all the way up to the top of tall red cliff. Her throat caught with the beauty of it, and she wished that Joe had come along to share it. But when she had declined to leave the tour, said that she needed some more time to think about coming with him, he had said that Marie and Brigitte had an agenda for bushwalks today, and he felt that he should stick with it.

So here she was, walking more or less alone in the group. Carlo had remained friendly, but he was distinctly cooler than he had been, and Carrie noticed that he seemed to be concentrating on chatting up the American school teacher. _So much for that romance,_ Carrie thought ruefully. _I guess it wasn't a grand passion that he felt for me, after all._ But she didn't really believe herself to be the kind of woman to inspire grand passions in men, in any case.

Janet was walking with Miles, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Knowing what she now did about Janet, that she had a husband that had just died, Carrie found it amazing that the other woman kept up such a cheerful front. _I tried to keep up my cheerful front, but I think that quite a few people noticed that I was depressed this last year,_ Carrie thought, vexed with her own behavior. _I should have kept a stiff upper lip, like Janet's doing, instead of allowing my feelings to show._ She vowed to keep a better lid on it, the next time she was feeling down. I _hope that when I get home, I won't have lost any friends..._

But the thought of home brought on a whole new set of torments. Would she be going home alone? Or with Joe?

As she walked through the narrow gorge, her eyes on the stony path, Carrie re-assessed everything she'd been telling herself for the last months, in light of the recent developments. Was Janet right? Was it worth it to try to chase Joe, and damn the consequences? She had no experience at all in the art of seducing men...although she had always had plenty of male company, the only time she had allowed passion to take over had been that night with Joe. _What if I try, and I'm not good enough at seduction to get his attention?_ The prospect was devastating.

But in hindsight, Carrie had to admit that the consequences of _not_ chasing Joe had not been wonderful either...she'd spent a year and more in misery, and really hadn't come out of it knowing any more about his feelings than she had at the start...unless she assumed, as she had, that he didn't want her. But if that was true, why was he here, now?

Maybe he really was on a lark, like he had said: he'd heard she was on a great adventure and had decided to tag along. In the old days of their friendship, that wouldn't have been unusual at all. But now...

Her heart swelled with hope. Could he really be here because he returned her love?

_The only way to answer these questions is through Joe,_ she acknowledged. _If he really is here to start a relationship with me, then I'll have to be brave and stay long enough to find out what he's really after...even if it means that I end up being only one in his long string of women..._

She shoved the thoughts aside for a while to enjoy the scenery. The mountains themselves were banded from the long buildup of different colours of river silts, that had been turned into wild shapes by the forces of water. It was easy to lose herself in fantasizing about what the landscape would look like under full flood—water metres deep where now she walked on dry mudstone, the valleys full of a raging, seething torrent of water. Throughout the northern part of Australia she had been continually amazed at how the searingly dry landforms had been shaped almost completely by the forces of water.

_Maybe it's not so strange. I guess human life is like that, too. You go through long dry periods when everything seems okay, and then, suddenly, along comes a flood, and when the waters fall again, you realize your whole life has been reformed._ It was just like the night she and Joe had made love—everything had changed. _But the waters took a long time to fall, so I could recognize my life,_ she thought _, and I don't seem to have the map to this new pattern._

As her feet walked the path through the valley, she wondered how she would ever learn to navigate through the future. Was it possible that Joe held the key? Had that flood tied them together, willing or not?

She sighed. _You're beautiful, Australia, but you haven't been enough to mend my heart. It looks like I'll have to find some way to do that, for myself._

Carrie rolled over for the tenth time and wondered again if Joe ever meant to come back. She had stayed with the campfire group until finally everyone else had gone to bed. After staring blankly into the flames by herself for an interminable while, she had finally given up and retired to bed, herself, accepting that he must just not mean to come. A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped it away. _Stiff upper lip,_ she reminded herself. But after all the time she'd spent convincing herself today that she _should_ try to seduce Joe if she got the chance, it was very deflating to realize she might not get that chance, after all.

_Back to plan A, I guess,_ she thought sadly. Wandering Around Australia Trying To Find My Happiness, _take ninety-seven. I_ will _get it right eventually._

An awful thought crossed her mind. _He's probably with another woman,_ she realized. It seemed he had been every other night in the year she lived in Canmore, anyway. _I guess those two Belgian girls are keeping him entertained, after all. They're probably making sure he doesn't spend any more nights in my tent._ The misery welled up in her and she welcomed it, deciding now was as good a time as any to start practicing the art of keeping her emotions off of her face.

She was so focussed on her inner battle that she almost didn't hear the stage whisper from outside. "Carrie?"

"Carrie?" Giving up on getting a reply, Joe began to unzip the tent.

"Go away!" she muttered fiercely. The other women had become larger than real in her own imagination. "Go back to them, why don't you?"

He had the zip open and was inside by the time he replied. "Go back to who?"

"Whichever woman, or women, you've just been with."

"I can't."

The strange reply threw an attacking Carrie off her track. "Why not?"

"They're out on dates of their own." He said simply. "I'm sorry I'm so late, Carrie, but the van got bogged in one of those streams we had to cross, and it took us ages to get it out. Then we got a flat tire..."

There was a ring of honesty in his tone, but Carrie wasn't sure what to believe. Then she smelled it.

"Get. Out." She pushed against his shoulder, hoping to topple him out of the zipper before he finished closing it. But, strong as she was, he was much bigger and stronger. He turned towards her.

"What?"

"You're going to try to tell me you weren't with another woman, and you dare to come to my tent smelling like her perfume? How dare you, Joe?" Her voice betrayed that she was perilously close to tears, but she bit her lip, hard, and held them back. "How dare you?" she repeated, in a sad, defeated whisper.

"Carrie," his tone was exasperated, "I haven't been with any 'other women,' as you put it. Marie caught me in the face accidentally when she was spraying some on, getting ready for her date...I was standing in the wrong place. I washed my skin, but it must have gotten in my hair. Honest." He looked at her with pleading eyes.

She looked away first. "Fine." But she didn't know what else to say, so she turned her back, staring unseeingly through the tent wall to the landscape beyond.

"Anyway, you spent the day with other men, so why should you be upset?"

"Actually, I didn't."

"What, did Carlo give up?" His voice was slightly mocking, teasing, disbelieving, as if it was all of little consequence.

She hated to admit it. "Yes." _I'm just not woman enough to hold you guys,_ she thought, but didn't say it.

"I'm sorry if I caused that," he said.

_He's sorry? Oh, my God,_ she realized. _He doesn't want me for himself, after all. I've been taken for a fool, again._

She remembered her vow that she would try to seduce him, given the chance. She grit her teeth. _Now's as good a time as any, before I allow any more doubts to get in my way._

"So, are you going to sleep sitting up?" she asked now.

He pulled his sleeping bag out of its stuff sack and lay down on it. She waited patiently while he squirmed around to get comfortable.

"It sure is good to be beside you again, Carrie," he said.

Deciding that the time might never be more right, she leaned over and put a hand on his stomach. His eyes flew open, startled, just as her lips touched his. With a thrill, she felt him start to respond, as if he couldn't help himself.

But it was only a minute until he stiffened and tried to push her away. "No," he groaned against her mouth, where she was still trying to kiss him. "Carrie, don't, please." His tone was urgent. "This isn't why I came here."

The words were like a bucket of ice-cold water and she rolled away. They were both breathing heavily, and neither one of them said anything for a while.

"Why _are_ you here, Joe?" She had to know. It was beyond her to guess anymore.

"I want our friendship back, Carrie."

_There. He's said it. As clear as anyone could ask for. And I've been walking around all day with romantic notions..._ she gave a little hiccupping laugh.

"I'm sorry —"

She cut him off. "I thought I told you, back then, not to apologize any more for your own honest feelings." She couldn't bear to hear him vocalizing how much he regretted their closeness, once again.

"I'm not apologizing for _that,"_ he swallowed. "But I shouldn't have let the silence between us go on so long. I—we—should have bridged the gap before."

She nodded, but didn't trust herself to speak. He went on.

"Life's just not the same when things aren't right between us, Carrie. I mean, it's not as enjoyable. I...guess I just need to know that you still care for me, Carrie, as much as I care for you."

She choked on a cynical laugh. "Fine. I do. Now, as my friend, do you mind getting the hell out of my tent? I need some sleep."

He sighed. "Do you accept my apology, I mean, for being so cold this past year? Can we be friends again?"

She would say anything to get him out of her tent. "Sure, Joe."

Kat hurried them up and about early again the next morning, and Carrie didn't see Joe before the tour van set off, fully loaded. _Oh well,_ she thought fatalistically, _he seems to know our itinerary, anyway. I'm sure he'll find me, if he wants to._

_Of course, now that he's gotten my word we're friends again, maybe he won't want to. Maybe his adventures will take him elsewhere._

_With someone else._

The thought speared her gut.

Janet had noticed her long face and came over to put an arm around her while the group was packing the van. "What's up?"

"Well, I tried making love to him."

"And..."

"He told me that he didn't come for that. He just wants to be friends. He told me once before that I'm not _that_ kind of girl. I guess he hasn't changed his mind." Carrie was proud of herself for keeping the tears out of her voice tone, although, she analyzed, it did sound a little too dead to be normal.

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, how's it going with Miles?" Carrie asked.

"Fine, nothing heavy. You know why." Janet looked at her meaningfully, and Carrie read in her glance, _keep my secret._

"Well. Have a nice day," Carrie said, letting Janet know that she shouldn't feel obliged to baby-sit her.

The other girl gave her a hug. "Mind if I sit with you?" she asked, and when Carrie said, "Don't you want to sit with Miles?" Janet shrugged.

"Nah. He knows too much about anything and everything, and seems to feel compelled to tell me all about it. I feel like a peaceful day, with almost no facts in it."

Carrie's mouth quirked into the first small smile of the day in response to Janet's exaggerated expression of agony. "All right."

And so the two girls passed the time in interesting, but not too deep, conversation. Carrie was grateful to let her mind rest after the mental gymnastics she'd put it through after the last few days, trying to twist her perception of the situation with Joe, only to find out that she'd been right in the first place. She was too exhausted to try to think through what her next move should be on the rearranged game board of her life.

Kat took them to Lake Argyle, a huge reservoir that had been created to help sustain the ranches and farms through the dry season. The cruise had free champagne, so Carrie and Janet were quite merry by the time they reached the funny little archer fish. These fish normally hunted bugs by shooting them with water, and the long years of guided trips had trained the fish to know they could get bread by spitting water up to human fingers to make them drop bread.

Carrie nearly fell over the side in her attempt to lure one in, but she was caught around the waist from behind.

"Careful!" warned the man looking at her with frank appreciation. He kept his arms around her waist.

"Hey, would you two ladies like a job?" asked his companion.

Carrie wriggled out of the man's grasp and looked at Janet.

"We're, uh, on a tour right now."

"Yeah, well, maybe after the tour's over? We're working on a prawn trawler out of Darwin. We need a couple of deckhands."

"Mmm." said the one who'd caught Carrie. "And two weeks on the ocean would sure be more fun with you two ladies around!"

"Er, thanks for the offer," Janet said. "We've got to go now."

The two girls, giggling, made their way back to where their group was sitting at the opposite end of the boat. Janet put an arm around Miles' waist, and Carrie looked for Carlo, but saw that he was occupied talking to another girl. She shrugged and wriggled into the tight little circle with Janet and Miles.

"What creeps!" Janet finished relating the story to her friends.

But the creeps had planted an idea in Carrie's mind.

Kat had dropped them off at 7:30 am in Kununurra on a Sunday so that she could go run the necessary errands for the trip. Janet wanted to look in at the youth hostel to check if a certain friend was in residence. Carrie was glad to go with her. On the notice board, she found what she was looking for:

_Wanted: Camp cook for cattle station. Paid by the week._

A phone number was at the bottom. By the time Janet returned from the inner reaches of the hostel, unable to find her friend, Carrie was employed.

"I did it."

"Did what?"

"I got a job. I'm going to leave the tour right now, and catch the Greyhound back to Timber Creek. I'm going to go work on a cattle station."

Janet shook her head rather comically. "What? When did all this happen?"

Carrie waved the paper that she'd taken off the notice board. "While you were looking around. Don't ask me anymore, though. If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Janet was still shaking her head as they turned and began to walk back to where they would meet the van. "Why is that?"

"Well, I got to thinking last night..."

"You don't sleep much, do you?"

"I haven't lately," Carrie confessed. "Anyway, I figure that Joe must have found me from information I gave someone in an e-mail. So I'm going to vanish...and not tell _anyone_ where to."

"But what about the rest of the tour?"

"I'm not really enjoying it that much, anyway, Janet. Sure, I love camping out in the woods, but you said yourself that Kat seems to have it in for me. And I never know when Joe is going to pop up next—or not pop up—with his offers of friendship and nothing more. Can you think of any really good reasons why I _should_ stay?"

"Because I'll miss you?" Janet offered.

Carrie hugged her. "Oh, you're a doll. But we'll e-mail, okay? And maybe we'll get together down the track a ways."

Janet nodded her head. "I guess I can understand your reasons. I just hope this turns out well for you."

"The lady I talked to sounded nice on the phone," Carrie assured her.

Kat didn't seem sad to see her go, and made a point of quite nastily letting Carrie know that she wouldn't be getting her money back. Carrie shrugged. She could always work a while to get more money, but she was beginning to doubt her ability to be happy on that tour. There was just too much against it. Sometimes it was better to just admit defeat. _And maybe now that I've seen Joe, whatever is holding on to love for him inside me, will finally let go,_ she hoped.

"Have you seen this woman?" Joe asked the umpteenth person.

"No, mate. If I had, I would still be with her! She's a likely-lookin' sheila, ain't she?" The grubby-looking fellow Joe had asked showed the picture to his even grubbier-looking mate.

Joe yanked the picture back. "Don't you think she's a little young for you?" he retorted.

"Ah, that don't matter, mate. More than a few of the younger ladies have found me most acceptable," the other man bragged. His mates at the bar guffawed.

"You tell him, Barney," one egged him on.

Joe turned his back in disgust. _Old lechers._ He felt sick. _Is Carrie out here at the mercy of blokes like that?_ he wondered.

_Or worse, what if she's meeting the younger, attractive ones, and forgetting all about me?_

He slumped down at one of the bar tables and took a healthy swig of his beer. He turned the bottle this way and that, contemplating the way it caught the light.

_I should stop drinking,_ he realized. But finding Carrie and losing her again so soon, had him more agitated and stressed out than he had ever been in his life.

_I thought my plan was going so well. She said we were friends, and then—poof! she disappeared._ He shook his head.

_Carrie never hung around much in pubs, anyway,_ he acknowledged. _So why do I keep looking for her in them?_

But where else was there to look? Most of the small northern Aussie towns consisted of little except a petrol station and a pub.

"Excuse me?" a female voice beside him asked huskily.

Startled, he turned his head to regard the pretty blonde beside him.

"What?"

"Did you say something?" she asked, her green eyes full of promise, her tone hopeful.

His face flushed. _Now I must have been talking to myself again, too. You're really going around the bend, Bantrim,_ he admonished himself.

"Did you?" she prompted.

His eyes met hers. "No, I'm sorry," he admitted. "I was just talking to myself."

"Wouldn't you rather talk to me?" she invited coyly.

"Only if you've seen this woman," Joe said, more abruptly than was strictly necessary. Normally he would have let her down with a lot more sensitivity, but he was feeling at his wits' end, and didn't have the patience.

Her manner changed as she took the picture. "Who's this?"

"My...fiancé," Joe improvised. The word gave him a jolt as it came out of his mouth.

_If I had asked her to marry me, would she have run off?_ he wondered for the fortieth time. Obviously his strategy to gain her trust in their friendship back, hadn't worked.

_But what would have worked? Maybe nothing,_ he resigned. _Maybe I should accept that she's just not interested._

The blonde's laughter pealed out, but was cut off abruptly as she read the misery in Joe's face. "What did you do to make her run away, honey?"

"I..." Joe stopped. "I don't know."

"Dale!" She called out. "Bring our buddy here another beer! I think he needs it!"

"I —" he started.

"Don't worry, honey, it's on me. No strings, honest."

Joe groaned. But when the woman turned her attention back to him, her eyes were kind.

"I'm Mattie, anyways, honey. You know, short for Mathilda?" she rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and laughed a husky laugh. "Good old mama, she was a fair dinkum Aussie, giving me a name like that! So, what's your name?"

Joe eyed her warily for a minute, then extended his hand to shake her proffered one. "Joe." His voice was gruff.

"Ah, thanks, Dale," she said, as the bartender, a huge dude that Joe was sure _must_ own a Harley Davidson, arrived with another mug of beer. To his surprise, Mattie waved Dale to sit, too, and he did.

"Now, Joe. Let's see how we can help you out." She pushed the photo of Carrie where it lay on the table toward Dale. "Take a look here, Dale, he lost this lovely girl." She shook her head, as if in great sadness or shame, Joe wasn't sure which. "Come on, dearie, tell us the story, will you?" she implored.

Joe looked at the two compassionate people across the table, and found himself complying. Once he'd begun, the words came pouring from his lips, how he and Carrie had been best friends, but he'd botched it up, only to come down here, find her, and somehow lose her again. The two people across from him listened without interrupting. "Now I've been up and down roads all over the Outback, asking at every little town, trying to track her down."

"Are you sure she wants you, buddy?" Dale's rasping voice queried as Joe's monologue ran out.

Mattie slapped him on the arm. "Of course she does! She slept with him, didn't she? And tried to kiss him. And look at him! What woman in her right mind wouldn't want him. Oh. Oh!"

Joe looked up hopefully at the sound of comprehension in Mattie's voice. "What?"

"That's why she left the first time, isn't it? You're a bit of a heartbreaker, with girls flocking around you all the time, I bet."

Joe nodded slowly. "Her room-mate did say something about that, but I haven't slept with another girl since Carrie, honest. I mean, I've always got company around, I suppose, but none of those girls mean to me what Carrie does."

"Does she know that?"

"Well, she must," Joe scoffed. "It's obvious."

Mattie shook her head. "I must have missed a bit of the story so far. Just, for example, since you came to Australia, what did you do or say to let her know?"

"Well," Joe's voice was nearly indignant. "I went to her tent and told her."

Mattie cocked her ear in his direction. "What was it that you told her, exactly?"

"Well, how my life hasn't been any good since we haven't been friends, and how important it is to me that we still care about each other..."

"Did you, say, mention the word _love?"_ Dale asked.

"No. I told you, my plan was to make sure she trusted me first, and then tell her. I mean, if I just poured my heart out, she would run for miles. I was planning to let her sort of get used to me again, and, you know, have time to fall in love with me."

"Even after she kissed you? Didn't it occur to you, then, that she might want more than friendship?"

Joe paused. _Just because it wasn't on my agenda...I rejected her._ Suddenly, he understood why she'd left the tour, why she'd vanished.

"Oh," was all he could utter.

"Mmmm..." Mattie nodded. "I think you vastly underestimated your girl there, mate. Listen, the next time you see her, you've got to tell her the truth. None of this nonsense about just being friends first...she is an adult, you know. The friendship will come back, no worries there. I think what she needs from you now is even more important than that."

"And a hell of a lot trickier to do right," Dale interjected.

"Yeah." Mattie cast a sidelong glance at Dale. "Well, now that we've worked out _why_ she has run, let's see what we can do to go about finding her."

"Janet, who was on the tour with her, said she was working as a cook somewhere," Joe supplied.

"Are you sure she's still doing that job? Is she still in the area? How long ago did you lose her?" Dale pressed. Between the bartender's husky build and raspy voice, Joe felt as if he were under interrogation by the police for committing a crime.

"I think she's still in the area," Joe tried to keep the defensive tone from his voice. He reminded himself that these people might be able to help him and softened his tone. "She isn't telling anyone at home what she's up to, really, since she figured out that it was someone she's e-mailing that tipped me off about the tour she was on. But she seems to still be out on a station or something, from what her mom said."

"Oh, so her mom's helping you out?" Mattie asked, brows raised. She elbowed Dale knowingly. "He's in with the family already." She turned to Joe earnestly. "That's a good sign."

"Thanks," he said dryly.

"Well, if she's working on a station, then you're in luck," Dale informed him. "The Katherine Show is on this weekend, and most, if not all, of the stations will have people there. I'd say your best bet would be to show up there, and ask around."

"That's a great idea!" Mattie enthused. "If she's still in the Territory, mate, the Katherine Show will be the place to find her. Everyone will be there."

# Chapter Seven

Joe looked out at the sea of hat-wearing, denim-clad people, and wondered if Carrie could really be among them. The whole audience seemed to be raptly focussed on the rodeo show going on in the ring, so he was free to examine the faces at leisure. He had a half a mind to grab his binoculars from the truck, but he didn't want to draw _that_ much attention to himself in a crowd full of adrenaline-high cowboys. _Or_ _jackeroos, as they're called here,_ he reminded himself.

After a lunch of tough Brahman steak, he decided to move to the other side of the grandstand and take a look over there. Suddenly, he spotted her blonde hair under a brown hat. "Carrie!" his voice cracked, so he cleared his throat and tried again, as he hurried across to where she was standing. Amazingly, she didn't seem to hear him.

"Carrie!" he lightly grabbed her arm, ignoring the looks he was getting from the group of cowboys she was standing with. "I've been looking all over —" His words petered out as she turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry." Joe, man about town, always self-assured, blushed an embarrassing shade of tomato. "You're not Carrie."

The girl smiled at him. "That's okay. You're not the first person to mistake me for her."

Joe's jaw dropped and he put a hand out to the fence rail beside him to steady himself. "You know Carrie?"

"Sure. She's working out at our station."

"Is she here?"

He was confronted by the large, dark-haired man to the blonde's right. "What business is it of yours, mate?"

Joe regarded the menacing figure before him, wondering what he could say to avoid a confrontation. Happily, the girl in front of him pushed the giant back with a small hand, laughing, and told Joe, "Oh, don't mind Alex. He's all possessive since he started reckoning that Carrie's his girlfriend." Not noticing Joe's sick expression, she rambled on, "I'm Kristy, anyways. Who are you?"

"I'm Joe," he answered, glad for her friendliness, but aware all the while of the malevolent stare of Alex just behind.

"Are you Canadian, too?" Kristy asked him.

"Yeah."

"Well, Carrie's a real darling. We're all crazy about her, aren't we, guys?" The jackeroos nodded their heads and made appreciative noises that caused Joes' gut to churn. His worst fears were being realized...Carrie was no longer his for the taking. He wanted to scream. _Carrie's mine!_

"Mmmm. Carrie's the best cook we've ever had, that's for sure."

Joe relaxed marginally. _Those noises were for her_ cooking?

"So, how do you know Carrie?" Kristy bubbled.

Everything was suddenly going so fast. He'd been looking for Carrie for so long that he'd nearly given up finding her. As he'd come along the track, however, the reality of how serious he really was about loving her, about marrying her, only seemed to become a greater conviction in his mind. But his instincts sensed danger here, probably mostly from Alex, and warned against giving away his full intentions.

"Is that so important?" Joe asked now. It was strange to be so reclusive against Kristy's open friendliness, but he felt a need to guard himself.

"Well, Carrie was pretty shaken up when she arrived," Joe was informed by Alex. The man continued in a deep, threatening tone, "I reckon it's our right to want to protect her."

"Good cooks are hard to come by," another jackeroo added. "We wouldn't want you to upset Carrie and scare her off."

"Or hire her away, neither," another guy chipped in.

"How ridiculous," Joe scoffed, but then checked himself. _Is it so ridiculous? I guess not. I scared her off the tour, didn't I?_ And _even away from her home town._

Joe's musings were interrupted by the loudspeaker announcing a break before the commencement of the next event.

"We've got to go get ready," Kristy explained to Joe. "But we'll be around later. Maybe we'll see you at the dance? We can talk more then."

"Sure," Joe said. Now that he'd found a connection to Carrie, he wasn't going anywhere.

"But if you want to know where Carrie is, you'd better have a good reason," Alex menaced.

Joe winced as they walked away. _Is one very angry, very big man going to get between me and Carrie?_ he wondered, and set about his afternoon thinking up strategies to get around him.

Carrie grunted as she lifted yet another bag of _copra_ , ground coconuts, to feed to the poddy calves. _I thought I was in shape, but this is more work than I bargained for!_ she thought, as she straightened, ignoring the twinge of pain in her back. Although she had been hired as the cook, she had been asked to look after the young calves for the first two days of the country show in Katherine. All the jackeroos and jilleroos had gone in to the show to try their skills, but Carrie would be able to catch a ride with a couple of helicopter pilots, who had their base at the station, and would be going in later. She would leave with them at the same time that one of the jackeroos came home to take care of the calves.

_At least the work gives me something to think about besides Joe._ For the first two weeks she had been at the station, she had been convinced that she made the right decision to flee from Joe's heartbreaking offers of "friendship." Everyone had been so nice to her, and she'd been able to lose herself in meeting and getting to know everybody.

The jackeroos and jilleroos had been enthusiastically appreciative of her cooking, and the pilots from the nearby heli-muster setup seemed to always be dropping by to fill in any free time she had. One, in particular, had been showing her a lot of attention, and though she couldn't help feeling that he was a poor second compared to Joe, it was nice to be admired and enjoy the company of someone new.

She had e-mailed home before she'd left town to come out to the cattle station, thankful that the computer system wouldn't give any clues about her location. She had sent a brief message to everyone, friends and family alike, that had been vague about her whereabouts and cheerful about her circumstances.

Although she was feeling furious that someone had betrayed her location to Joe, giving him the power to show up and break her heart once again, she knew she had no right to feel that way. Her letter had included no rebuke to those who'd disclosed her whereabouts, nor any word of how Joe had again trampled all over her heart, just when she'd thought she might be getting better. Lanette was the only one who knew she'd come to Australia to avoid Joe and the painful love she had so much trouble controlling.

_The rest of them probably thought that I wouldn't mind being gossiped about, or even mind if I bumped into Joe. If I had let my friends and family know that I needed some time alone..._

But that would have been too humiliating, she acknowledged. Perhaps, somehow, by not talking about her problem, she'd hoped that it would go away. But the love had blossomed inside her, anyway, and the pain, kept hidden, was no less, surely, than it would have been if everyone had known...

She tossed the last bag of copra onto the bed of the ute and paused to breathe deeply. She loved the smell of coconut—something that was all too rare in Canada! She had never thought of feeding calves with coconut fibre, but her daily exposure to it now was firing her imagination with ideas for dishes and garnishes. She had enjoyed all the new Asian-inspired cuisines she had tasted while she was on the east coast, and she drifted into a daydream for a while about what she might do with coconut and Asian flavours in her café when she got back home.

Every place in Australia it seemed she had learned new smells, new flavours, new colours. Her notebooks were full, but even without notebooks, the travel had inspired her imagination in wonderful ways. If only there was a way to cook with the wonderful smell of the gum trees! But eucalyptus put most people more in mind of cough drops back home, than fine cuisine. The smell of the real trees in the desert was exquisite, though. She would miss this when she went home.

She fired up the ute and drove out to the paddock where the young calves were grouped around the trough, waiting for their feed. She pulled the troughs nearer to the ute and began emptying the huge sacks of coconut fiber. Then she leaned down to hand-mix the copra and pellets amid the crowd of hungry noses.

"You guys are lucky," she told the calves. "You can enjoy the simple pleasures of life without worrying over things you can't change...You just wait to be fed, and watch the sun rise and set every day." She sighed wistfully, as she acknowledged that her contentment over these past weeks had been something of a farce. The pain she felt over Joe still roiled beneath her calm surface, adding shades of black to her vision of the brightest Outback days.

_Will Joe ever get serious about life?_ she wondered. It seemed that everything had come together in the last year for her...the money she'd saved for her café, the urge to get out and work on her own rather than for someone else, and, falling in love and wanting a settled family life and children.

_Unfortunately, I fell for the wrong man. Joe doesn't want those things._ It seemed he remained satisfied with the easier, young life they'd led for the past decade—friends, parties, plenty of outdoor activities. _I still love those things,_ Carrie thought. But lately it seemed that all her old friends were showing up in couples, and some of her girlfriends had rhapsodized about peaceful evenings at home with their men as much more fun than any party.

Carrie admitted, at last, to herself, that she was envious of her settled friends. _I don't really want to be traipsing around the world...I'd love to be settled at home, starting my own business, thinking of a family._

_But I need a husband first. Sorry, Joe, but friendship's not enough, any more, for what I have in mind._

A tear slipped down her cheek and calf nudged her aside. She realized she was still standing in the middle of the herd, getting in the way for some of them who wanted to get at the trough. She balled up the empty feed bag and stuffed it into another in the back of the ute before moving along.

_I guess it's back to traipsing around...but if I really want the settled life, I should get more serious about husband-hunting,_ she told herself. If only she could whip up some enthusiasm for some man, any man, other than Joe.

_Well, when we go in to the show tomorrow, I should have a good chance,_ Carrie thought. _Kristy told me there would be plenty of "hunky" guys there._ She smiled at the younger girl's enthusiasm for good-looking jackeroos.

_Mind you, if I really am going to find a husband, I'd better take a leaf from her book,_ Carrie thought.

Joe strolled into the tavern that Kristy had indicated to him and wished he didn't feel so conspicuous. Although he was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt like everyone else, there was something completely different about him, compared to these people, and he knew they could sense it as well as he did.

It wasn't that he lacked muscle, in fact, he was probably one of the stronger men in the room. But these cowboys had a lean, whipcord strength, and legs that were used to horses, rather than mountain-climbing and outdoor sport. The industry they were involved in fed thousands of people in several nations, and their bearing indicated that they felt proud of their noble profession.

_But my job is important, too,_ Joe told himself, trying to shake the feeling of inferiority. He had been involved in several life-saving rescues of people who had gotten stranded or injured in the mountains, and he had always thought that the stress-relief his guided activities provided to city dwellers was a vital part of a healthy society. He reminded himself of a few of his more notable successes now, and pulled his shoulders back. He sensed that in dealing with the people he was here to meet, any sign of weakness would only hinder his cause.

He forced his shoulders back and his chest out, to walk confidently up to the bar. He ordered a straight orange juice. Now that he was so close to Carrie, he had no intention of allowing his head to be clouded with the alcohol. _Too bad if it isn't 'cool' to drink juice,_ Joe thought. _If I don't find Carrie soon, I'm going to go out of my mind._

He cast an eye around the bar as he was waiting for his change, and spied Kristy across the room. Carrying his drink, he made his way through the press of adrenaline-filled bodies, still high from their day of riding, never mind the liquor. Kristy was someone that he already counted as an ally, and he was delighted to see that Alex wasn't in the group around the table.

Kristy introduced him and invited him to pull up a chair. He slid easily into the conversation around him, forcing himself to be on his best social behavior despite his impatience. _These people have the information I want,_ he reminded himself, _so I'd better play by their rules._

After a while, when the conversation about how everyone had done in the camp-drafting event that day dwindled, and after Joe had answered the obligatory questions about where he came from, and what he did for a living and how extreme the white-water rapids were on the various rivers his company rafted, Kristy said to the group, "Joe knows our cook, Carrie."

"Oh, I met Carrie," one of the women said, "when I went out to the big station to go to the store. She seems really nice. Where is she? Didn't she come to the show?"

"Oh, the boss asked her to stay back to feed the poddy calves, for the first few days. Bruce has gone back tonight so that she can come out and see the show, too."

"Carrie's coming here?" Joe asked quickly, his eagerness getting the better of him.

"Yeah, she should be here tomorrow morning, Joe. I guess you'll be glad you finally found her. Why are you looking for her, anyway?"

"Well, I, uh, we had a misunderstanding, and I need to patch things up with her."

"What kind of a misunderstanding, exactly?"

Joe tried not to notice the several pairs of eyes that were glued on him, intent on what he was about to say.

"Well, uh, Carrie and I have been friends for a decade or more," he said, trying to dodge the question, feeling himself start to blush.

His dodge didn't work. "And..." Kristy pressed. He would swear that everyone at the table leaned a little closer as she uttered that word.

_Ah, hell._ He was no good at lying. "Look, I'm in love with her, all right?" A cheer went up around the table and the circle toasted him, but they all stopped short suddenly. Joe looked behind him to find out why.

_Rats._ Alex was standing not two inches from his own chair, and he did not look pleased.

"Hey, Alex, congratulations on your ride today," said one of the jackeroos at the table, and Joe appreciated the man's efforts to lessen the tension.

Unfortunately, Alex didn't seem to hear. He advanced on Joe and pulled his shirt front until Joe stood in front of him, uncomfortably held half-over the chair. With his face only inches from Joe's, Alex gritted, "Who the hell are you, to go around telling the whole country you're in love with _my_ girlfriend?"

"Now, Alex," cautioned a female voice from the table.

Joe reminded himself of his earlier confidence exercises, and, leaning back into his shoulder muscles, he jerked out of Alex's grasp and backed away. _I'm the man who's going to marry her,_ he thought, but wisely didn't say it.

"I was asked a question, and I answered truthfully, that's all," he said, backing up a couple of steps.

"Well, take your truth and go back where you came from!" Alex thundered.

"I'll be happy to, as soon as I get a chance to talk to Carrie," Joe said mildly.

"The hell you will!" Alex thundered, and lunged towards Joe. In a reflex that had become second-nature during his teenage martial-arts training, Joe blocked the blow that was coming to him and aimed one of his own.

The room fell silent as Alex, with a surprised look on his face, toppled to the floor, out cold. In unison, every eye in the room looked in amazement at the huge man on the floor, and then at Joe. Some people cheered, and others turned to talk in amazement to their friends.

Joe, himself, was rather surprised. Alex had come at him so fast that he'd acted on instinct, without thinking. _Damn_ , _I didn't have time to think._ Now, cold, hard thought came to him. The police officer who had been standing by the door as extra security for the rodeo crowd started coming towards him, and he decided he'd better leave. _If I get arrested, I'm going to miss meeting Carrie when she comes, he thought in a panic._

But he hadn't noticed the bouncer at the back door, who caught him with ease. "Where do you think you're going, mate?"

He slumped, defeated, as the bouncer held him with beefy hands on his arms. Joe could have broken the hold, but he knew there was no point in escaping...he'd only get in more trouble than he already was. The officer caught up to him and slipped some handcuffs over his wrists.

"I'm going to have to charge you with disturbing the peace," the officer said, and Joe hung his head. Talking too much and sounding like a drunken rowdy would only make things worse, he realized.

"Have you got anything to say for yourself?" the officer asked, as he walked Joe out to the police van.

"It was self-defense," Joe protested. "The guy came at me. Ask around inside for witnesses."

"Sorry, mate, but I didn't see it. I just make the arrests of anybody who looks like they're stirring up this crowd. The other guy isn't exactly stirring, at the moment," he said wryly. "Well, it'll be a night in the drunk tank for you, at least. You'll be lucky if you don't get charged with assault."

_And_ _I haven't even had a drop of alcohol,_ Joe thought, but kept quiet. Nothing could save him now.

"...so then Alex said, 'who do you think you are to go around telling everyone you're in love with _my_ girlfriend?' and Joe says, 'Well, I was only telling the truth,' and Alex tells him to come back where he came from." Kristy took a deep breath, her eyes wide. She hadn't even been able to wait for Carrie to unload her gear from the pilot's car before bursting out with the story of the night before.

"Then Joe says, 'I'll go just as soon as I talk to Carrie,' and Alex

gets all upset and takes a swing at him, only, before you know it, there's Alex on the ground, and everyone, including Joe, standing around, looking surprised," Kristy finished triumphantly.

It was Carrie's turn to look surprised. _I think I'm going to have to hear this again._ They'd been up since three a.m. to make the drive in to town in time to catch the show, and her brain seemed to be functioning extra slowly from the shortened sleep. She realized that the pilots who'd given her a lift were waiting patiently for her to remove her stuff from the car.

"Sorry, guys," she said, and, ignoring Kristy for a moment, swung her swag and pack out of the back seat. "Thanks for the lift, eh? Have a great time at the show."

"We sure will, _eh_!" the driver said, emphasizing the last syllable to tease her about her Canadian accent. "Are you all right here now?"

"Yeah, sure, Kristy will take care of me," she assured him. _If I can make any sense of what she's saying._

As the pilot drove off, Carrie turned her attention back to the young blonde beside her. "Okay, can we rewind and play that little conversation again?" she asked. "You've got me totally confused. Did you say Joe was here?"

"Right." Kristy nodded emphatically.

"The Canadian Joe? Tall and blonde?"

"Mm-hmmm." Kristy was still nodding, her brown eyes sparkling with excitement. "Sexy-looking."

"And he and Alex had a fight?"

"Yeah. Over you."

"But...why? What was there to fight about?" Carrie was bewildered. "Did they get too much sun, or too much beer, or what, or what?"

Kristy chuckled. "It might have been beer and sun in Alex's case, but I didn't see Joe touch a drop."

"How did you bump into them, anyway?" The coincidence just seemed too great to be credible to Carrie.

"Well, first of all, Joe thought that I was you, only, of course, I'm not. Anyway, he apologized but I said it was okay, that I knew you, and then Joe got real excited and wanted to know where you were, and Alex didn't like that."

"They had a fight because Joe asked where I was? What business is it of Alex's?"

"Oh, you know these guys. Alex reckons he's your boyfriend, you know."

"What?"

"Well, sure. You seem to spend a lot of time with him."

"Yes, but...I mean, aw, that's so silly!"

"Well, that's not what they fought about, anyway. Alex only really got mad when he heard Joe telling us he loved you, in the bar."

"He told you _what_?" Carrie's voice rose on a note of near-hysteria.

"That he loved you. Didn't you know?" Kristy cocked her head to one side, her eyes clearly delighted with this new development in the best gossip she'd had all year.

"Why would he say that?" Carrie wondered, but she was talking to herself, so Kristy listened without answering. After a few minutes in which Kristy watched Carrie trying to think, she said, "So, is Joe still around, or did he leave?"

Kristy shrugged. "I think he might be in jail, actually. I saw the copper hauling him away..." by the time she finished the sentence, she was looking at Carrie's back as she hurried away.

Thirty seconds later, she was hurrying back. "Kristy, where's the jail?"

Kristy shook her head. What had happened to cheerful, level-headed Carrie? "Hop in my truck, I'll give you a lift. You'd better toss your gear in, too, instead of leaving it in the middle of the paddock!"

Carrie did as she said and Kristy started the truck and headed towards the entrance to the show grounds. "So, are you going to let me in on what any of this is about?" she pressed.

"To tell you the truth, Kristy, I don't have any idea. The last time I saw Joe, he told me that he wanted to be just friends. We've been friends for a long time, though. I don't know what he's up to," she replied in a frustrated tone.

"You've been friends for a long time, you say? Maybe it's just one of those male territorial things," Kristy suggested. "Although," she said consideringly, "he did seem to me like he was awfully worried about finding you."

"Yeah, well, it really beats me, what's going through his mind."

"Are you _sure_ he doesn't love you?"

"Kristy, he has told me twice that he isn't interested in me that way...he just doesn't find me attractive, I guess."

"I don't know why not!" Kristy said indignantly. "Plenty of other guys sure do."

They had pulled up in front of the police station and Carrie opened the passenger door. "I'll wait for you outside," Kristy said.

"Oh, you don't have to..."

"Well, he might not even be here, and then you'll have a long walk back to the show grounds for nothing. Don't worry, I'm not riding until this afternoon, anyway. I have time."

"Thanks, Kristy." Carrie was grateful for the other girl's support when it seemed that her world was turning upside down.

Carrie opened the door of the station and stepped into the welcome coolness of the air-conditioned office. Joe was sitting by a cramped-looking desk in the corner, being lectured by a short, dark police officer who was standing over him. Carrie had never seen Joe looking so chastened as he was then, listening politely while the officer read him the riot act.

"...You're just lucky those women came up to tell me that you didn't start the fight, that you were trying to back away. You could have been in some serious trouble. Especially considering that you're a foreigner and only on a tourist visa, you should be more careful with the locals in the future. I think you broke that poor guy's jaw." Suddenly, the officer's mustache started to twitch, and to Carrie's amazement, the man began to laugh. "Maybe I should have said that the locals should be more careful with you! That was some punch." Unexpectedly, he clapped Joe on the shoulder, and Joe relaxed and began to laugh too.

"Look, man, I'm sorry we had to leave you in there overnight, but with this rodeo on and so many drunk blokes about, we were up to our eyeballs last night, so I never got a chance to get back here and get you out."

"Yeah, well, thanks for coming back and rescuing me this morning. I sure didn't need those charges."

"What did you do, to make the bloke so mad at you, anyway?"

"In love with the same girl," Joe summarized, his tone rueful.

Carrie's blood boiled as she heard him lie again, and wondered what he could possibly be hoping to gain by this charade. She knew it wouldn't be a good idea to cause a scene inside the police station. _I don't want to get him in that much trouble,_ she thought _._

_But just wait until I get him outside_.

Suddenly she remembered Kristy and popped out the door to smile reassuringly and wave the other girl away. When she re-entered the station, Joe was standing up to go, collecting his denim jacket from the back of the chair and shaking hands with the dark-haired officer.

"Thanks, mate," he said, and the officer laughed again.

"Just stay out of trouble," he advised. "You might not have so many sweet sheilas sticking up for you, next time."

Joe turned for the door and saw Carrie standing just inside it, her arms folded and her face stormy. "Uh-oh," he said. "Looks like trouble already found me." The policeman laughed, but Carrie didn't, and Joe's elation at finding her warred with dread at how to manage not to mess up this time.

# Chapter Eight

Carrie grabbed Joe's arm in a firm grip, trying not to notice how warm and muscled and comfortable he felt. She didn't say anything until she had marched him outside and to a park bench in a small green area outside the station.

"What do you think you're doing? Has ruining my life become your favorite hobby lately?" she demanded.

Joe assumed the same meek, humble posture he'd had before the lecturing policeman, and Carrie smacked him on the arm. "Don't give me that look! I have a right to know what you think you're doing, creating gossip about me all over the Northern Territory. I just want the truth...what are you trying to accomplish?"

Joe looked hurt. "When haven't I told you the truth?"

"When—you—when —" Carrie stopped. "Well, you lied to my friends from the cattle station. What's the big idea, telling them you're in love with me? Heaven knows, you have told me often enough that I don't interest you in that way, that you just want to be friends with me. Why tell my friends any different? What are you trying to prove? Is this some big macho game?"

"No, Carrie, I respect you too much to play games. You should know that," Joe said quietly, in stark contrast to her agitation. "Can we talk about this somewhere else, please? We're attracting attention."

"From what I heard about last night, I would assume you _like_ attracting attention," Carrie said sarcastically, but she didn't resist when Joe stood up from the bench, pulling her with him.

"Come on," he coaxed, "we can walk to my ute. It should still be parked outside the tavern. Once we're somewhere private, you can yell at me all you want. I'm not denying that you deserve to."

His kind tone diffused Carrie's bluster, and she walked beside him quietly, feeling no less confused than when she'd arrived at the police station.

When they reached the truck, he handed her in to the passenger side and closed the door behind her, then went around to the driver's side and got in, himself. He started the truck and drove out of town, until he found an empty lot, full of red dust and a few blades of grass. She hadn't said anything yet, and neither had he. He cut the engine, and turned to her.

"Why did you run away from the tour, Carrie?"

She was unprepared for his question and scrambled for an answer. "Er, Kat didn't like me. I...I wasn't enjoying it, anyway."

"Was it my fault that you weren't enjoying it?" he probed, his gaze intent on her face.

"Yes!" she answered defiantly.

"Why?"

"Because..." she paused. "Hey, I'm the one who's supposed to be asking the questions here! You're the one who smeared my name all over town last night!"

"Fine." He leaned back against the window, facing her. "Ask away."

Given free license, Carrie took a moment to phrase her question. "Well, what is the big idea? Why are you following me around, anyway?"

"I thought I made that clear," Joe said mildly.

"You said that you wanted our friendship back. Fine. I told you we're still friends. But friends don't go lying about friends around town, Joe!"

"I wasn't lying."

"Sure. Oh, you care about me as a friend, you made sure to tell me that. But you know that you gave everyone a completely different interpretation of love, and that wasn't fair!" A tear glistened in the corner of Carrie's eye, but she didn't let it fall.

"The impression I gave was exactly what I meant." His voice was steady, his eyes clear. Anyone else would believe he was an honest man.

"Oh, come off it, Joe. You've let me know often enough that you'll never see me as anything else than a good friend."

"When? When did I say that?" he wanted to know.

Carrie bit her lip and looked out the window, stubbornly silent.

Joe tried a different tack. "Good friends spend time together, Carrie. They don't run off without letting each other know."

"As I remember, you didn't think I was worth spending time with for that whole last year I was at home."

"It wasn't a matter of you not being worth it, Carrie..." Joe pushed a frustrated hand through his hair. "Look, I apologized for that, already. I know it was wrong of me. I just felt so damn guilty..."

"Why guilty, Joe? Have you forgotten that I'm a grown woman? Was it just because I was virgin?" Carrie finally spat out the issue that was uppermost in both their minds. "Don't you think I have the right to spend my virginity wherever, with whoever, I want?"

She was mad, and Joe leaned back in the seat, daunted. He had never known his cheerful, mild-mannered Carrie could resemble this fiery vixen. He chewed his lip as he realized that she was really upset, and wondering what he could do to calm her down. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were sparkling with stubbornly held back tears, her bosom was heaving with excitement. Soon, his study of her began to affect his own body, until he was more aroused than worried.

_I do this to her,_ he thought proudly, and decided he didn't mind the change from the previously mild-mannered girl he'd known

"You're beautiful when your feathers are ruffled," he said gruffly.

"I'm not a bird, Joe! And I'm not a bird brain, either! Although I'm not sure about you!"

Joe did the only thing he could. "I _was_ a bird brain, not to have done this sooner," he admitted, and scooted across the seat to capture her in his arms. She struggled, spluttering, but he held her fast until she quieted. Then he found her mouth with his own, and kissed her as he had been longing to for so long.

At first she responded, molding her warm lips to his, desperate, seeking, meeting him halfway. He moaned as he savoured her warmth, and finally recognized that this special sizzle that was part of their lovemaking, was because of love. It could never be this way with anyone else. He deepened the kiss, loving the contours of her mouth, the way his fit hers as if designed only for her.

Suddenly, she bit his lip, hard. He swore and yanked his head back. "What did you do that for?" he yelled.

"Stop playing with my emotions, Joe!" she yelled back, and he saw that the tears she'd been holding back were beginning to topple over. "I can't handle it anymore!" She opened the truck door and jumped out, though he was happy to see that she didn't go any farther than to lean against the side of the truck and hang her head in her hands.

He gave her a moment, needing it, himself, to gather his shattered self back together, and then got out of the truck to walk around to her side and kneel down so he could see her face. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Playing with your emotions?"

"What else would you call it? Making love to me, then ignoring me for a year, following me down here, just so I'll say we're friends again, but I'm not allowed to kiss you, then you smear my name all over town. Now suddenly I am allowed to kiss you, and it's beyond me, to figure out why you changed your mind. I don't know how you scared off Carlo, but then you go and punch Alex out...Why, Joe? Why? Why can't you just leave me in peace to get over you?"

"Is that what you want? For me to leave you alone?"

"Yes! No! Oh, I don't know!" The tears made a river down her flushed cheek.

"I don't want to leave you alone, Carrie."

"Why not?" she wailed.

"Because...because..." He cleared his throat. "What am I supposed to do? Where do you want me to go? Home is empty without you there, and I don't want to travel around without you."

His words so mirrored her own feelings that she went completely still.

"Just come with me, Carrie. Give me a few weeks, a month. Then we'll take it from there."

"Where to? Where are we going, Joe?"

"I don't care. Anywhere you are, that's where I want to be."

"Why, Joe, why?" she whispered. "What do you want from me?"

The tears were pouring freely down her face now and he knew he had to say the words, as Mattie and Dale had told him. He admired her, where she stood against the ute, waiting, crying, but not at all seeming weak.

He took a deep breath. "Because I love you, Carrie."

The words did not have the magical effect his bar pals had promised. Carrie began to cry harder, and doubled over with the emotion, until she finally sat down beside the front tire of the ute.

She cried for a long time, while he stood by, helpless. Finally, for want of anything else, he sat in the red dirt beside her.

"Fine. I give up. I'll come with you, Joe." She didn't sound at all happy about it.

_Why isn't she happy?_

"Why are you so reluctant?"

Having cried herself out, she was defiant again. "Because I'm in love with you, Joe. And it has been the worst experience of my life, so far."

_Now I know what 'hopelessly in love' means,_ she thought. She knew that she couldn't refuse him now no matter how hard she tried. But how long would it last?

She remembered Janet's dead husband and how she had vowed that she would take the chance to be with Joe, if she had it. But now it seemed foolhardy. She would be his travel partner for a while, but then what? Would she be nursing a worse broken heart than she already had?

Joe stared at her still-quivering form, her eyes full of tears and staring at the red dirt rather than at him. _She loves me, already?_ Mattie and Dale had been right. _What ever possessed me, to think I should turn her away and be her friend?_

Guilt, his familiar companion by now, swamped him. At least she had agreed to go with him. He vowed he would make it up to her. But romantic words didn't come easily. And he couldn't even hug her, the way she was curled up into a ball with her knees pulled to her chest, sitting on the dirt beside the truck.

She hiccupped, and Joe hoped the small sound signalled the end of her crying. He slid closer to her and put his arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sor..." _sorry I hurt you._ But she only got angry when he tried to apologize. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Carrie."

"No, Joe, I know you didn't. You just had to do what was best for you. We all have to follow what feels right at any given time. And for you, that was chasing other women, not me."

"Carrie, I didn't..."

She felt her gut clench as he started to discuss his social life. "I don't really want to hear it, Joe," she insisted. Her heart was breaking, when she thought it had been crushed and shattered beyond recognition already. She noticed the painful effect analytically. It didn't seem scientifically possible that she could still be hurting so much.

They sat silently for a while, with Joe's arm around Carrie and the shudders from her crying gradually subsiding.

"What about your job?" Joe asked finally.

_My job..._ she gave a little laugh. Obviously she would have to give up her position on the station, but she didn't really regret it. Although everybody there was nice enough, she had had enough of the red dust and the makeshift kitchen she cooked in and, mostly, of trying to run away from her feelings for Joe.

"They'll find someone else," she said. "Actually, this is probably great timing for me to cook. They told me that they often find a spare jackeroo or jilleroo at the show. I guess they will probably be able to find a cook."

"They won't want to let you go," Joe said. "When I first asked after you, they let me know in no uncertain terms that you were the best cook they'd had in ages."

"Well, there's nothing much they can do to stop me. They might hold back my wages or something, but it doesn't really matter, does it?" She was travelling light, anyway, so that she had packed everything when she'd brought her pack to town. They wouldn't even need to return to the station to fetch her things.

"No," Joe was saying now, "money shouldn't be an issue, for a while, anyway. I sold my truck just before I came."

She gasped. "You sold your truck?" Her jaw hung open.

"Yep," he said briefly. He stood, and pulled her after him. "I guess we should go see something of the rodeo show, shouldn't we? And find your people to let them know they need a new cook."

He tone of voice suggested that enough decisions had been made for the moment, enough talking done, and it was time for action. Carrie, exhausted from crying and stunned at the realization that he had made some substantial sacrifices to follow her, went along easily.

The rodeo _did_ turn out to be an interesting show, especially since Carrie now knew many of the competitors. After all the misery and solitary soul-searching of the past months, having Joe's arm around her, knowing that she was finally where she wanted to be, was strange. Happiness wanted to bubble through her veins. She longed to grab the announcer's microphone and yell to the world how finally happy she was.

But she knew she had no real right to. _It's not real,_ she reminded herself. _It won't last._ She was convinced that when Joe tired of her, he would move on. He had never stayed with any one girlfriend for very long before.

The station manager was laconic about her leaving, knowing he could find another cook somewhere, soon. He had never actually sampled her cooking, as he and his wife always ate in their own private house, instead of in the kitchen with the hands. The cowboys _did_ put up a fuss, moaning and groaning at her leaving, and threatening Joe, but they were only joking. They stayed a respectful distance away from him, especially when they eyed the bruise on Alex's jaw from the night before.

Kristy hugged her and wished her all the best, entreating her to write, and threatening to visit her in Canada. Carrie clung to her latest female friend, and was afraid to let go. _I'm really going to be on my own, now,_ she thought. _If Joe hurts me, I'm not going to have any other women to share it with._

But she reminded herself that she was stronger than she used to be, and squared her shoulders. _Since I can't get over him when I'm away from him, I'll just have to try to burn the feeling out—and store as many memories as I can, before he inevitably leaves me._ When they finally left the rodeo, to go find themselves a camping spot up the track a ways, Carrie felt prepared to take on Joe's next surprise, whatever that might be. She had no idea at all how to predict him anymore.

They found a camp site in an established campground beside a river. It was busy, but they managed to find themselves a fairly isolated spot, secluded by a glade of gum trees. Joe had shopped for groceries, and the two of them fell easily into the routine of setting up camp. They worked with practiced, economical movements to erect the tent as a team. Joe's tent was a smallish two-person one, and Carrie burned with jealousy at the thought of him sharing it with the two girls she'd met in the Bungle Bungles. Determined not to cause a fight, she suffered through the remainder in silence. _So I'm not his one and only. At least I'll have a part of him, for a while,_ she thought fiercely.

When they had the cheerful red tent set up, transforming the empty patch of ground into a temporary, comforting, home, Joe pulled two chairs out of the back of the ute with a flourish and gallantly seated Carrie on one. He then took out a folding table and set it up in front of her. A small white linen table cloth was next, and then, a bottle of wine. She watched in bemusement as he opened it dramatically, poured her a glass, and presented it with a bow.

"Thank you," she said.

"Thank you," he replied, "for finally honouring me with your presence."

Those words, and his sincere-sounding tone, caused a lump in her throat, so she took a sip of the wine. It was cool and white, and she liked it, so she told him so.

"I'm glad. It was the closest one I could find to those Californian wines you like at home."

This caused the lump in her throat to get even bigger so she took another sip of the wine. She noticed that Joe had turned back to the van to get groceries to begin making dinner, so she put her glass down on the table in preparation for getting out of her chair to help him.

"No, no, no," he said, when he turned back to the table and saw her intention. "You've been cooking for weeks now. I'll cook for you tonight, okay? Did they even give you any days off? I hear some of those stations are pretty rough on the employees."

"No...they weren't rough on us, exactly. It's just that everybody out there works really hard in this season. They don't seem to mind too much, saving up their days off for the times when the shows are on. But they'll relax more when it's the wet season, and they can't get around to do much in the floods."

"I guess the whole rhythm of life is different here, isn't it? Having to organize everything around the wet and dry seasons."

He asked her more questions about her life on the station while he was cooking dinner, and it felt wonderful to tell him. He was surprised at some of the same things she had been surprised at, such as the enormous size of the paddocks, ten or a hundred or even thousand times the typical sizes of places at home, and how far the cattle had to walk to get their food and water each day. He was skeptical when she explained how, even as far inland as the station was, sometimes saltwater crocodiles in the river feasted on cattle.

She was glad for Joe's comfortable, modern canvas folding chairs. Her rigid spine relaxed as she drank her wine and talked. Although they'd been a year apart and Joe had hurt her more than she would ever have imagined possible, he still seemed to understand her better than anyone else ever had.

As they swapped stories of their experiences in the Outback, Carrie felt as close to him as she ever had, and wished fiercely that she could be with him like this, sharing, for the rest of her life. But she knew that was impossible. Joe wasn't the marrying kind. She was quiet for a while to stifle the sadness that welled up inside of her, and then Joe was setting a steaming plate in front of her.

"Wow," Carrie commented, as she tasted it. "Not bad."

He had grilled vegetables and barramundi fish, and arranged them nicely on a bed of rice before drizzling a delicious garlic sauce overtop.

"Maybe if I get good enough, you'll even let me help with the café," he suggested, his eyes twinkling.

"Sure, if you're around that long," she commented, before she could stop herself. _The wine is getting to my mouth,_ she worried, but he didn't seem to notice the bitter inflection in her tone.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked mildly. "Are you planning on making me leave?"

"No, of course not." _Naturally he wouldn't leave town when our romance is over. He'd stay, and, hopefully, things will have cooled off enough for us to be friends._ "Actually, I'm surprised that you even remember my little café plan."

"Why wouldn't I? I _am_ sorry about this last year, Carrie. It wasn't that I didn't think of you...I just didn't know what to say. And people kept asking me to do things, and I let myself get too busy." He took her hand on the table and squeezed it, and his green eyes stared frankly into her blue ones. "I should have made you my first priority, there is no doubt about that. I was acting like a coward, and it wasn't right. I...just...felt so guilty, and I know you say I shouldn't have, but I did."

"Well, not too guilty. You just kept on living life the same way."

"No." His voice rose, and he took a couple of deep breaths. "Nothing was the same at all, Carrie. You weren't there, beside me, talking with me, laughing with me."

"Umpteen other girls were, though. Shalimar, Tassy...I don't even know as many of the girls in town as you do." _And I certainly haven't slept with them._ "And certainly not as _well_ as you do," she added.

Joe picked up on what she meant right away. "You know what, Carrie? I haven't slept with anyone else, at all, since you. Not one single other woman."

Carrie looked disbelieving.

"It's true," he insisted. "I didn't want to. And you know what else? I don't even like Tassy and Shalimar. _They_ kept phoning _me,_ asking for this little favour or that. I never asked them out at all. It never occurred to me that you would mind. I mean, you never minded any of my girlfriends before."

"How do you know?" she demanded.

"Come on, Carrie, we joked about them together often enough. You never seemed to mind. And then, when everything changed between us, and we weren't speaking any more, I just...avoided thinking things through. I should have realized I would be hurting you, but I just...lost myself in being busy. At the time, I honestly didn't mind that everybody was calling me up and keeping me busy. It kept the guilt at bay."

Carrie struggled with this new knowledge. Could he be telling the truth? She noticed that her wine glass was empty again and reached for the bottle to refill it. "What about your sweet little travelling companions?"

"Who? Oh, the Belgian girls?" When Carrie nodded, he said, "They stopped to do a little vegetable picking when we got to Kununurra, like they had been planning to do all along. There was nothing at all between us. Honest. They had their own tent, and everything."

Carrie drank her wine and avoided his eyes.

"How could you even have imagined there was?" he asked. "I was in your tent every chance I got."

"But you didn't let me kiss you," she pointed out in a grumpy voice.

"That's because —" he sighed, and scooted his chair closer to hers. He took her wine glass out of her hand, and turned her chin to look into her eyes. "I wanted you to know that I value your friendship, your companionship, your smart, witty humour, your smile, everything about you. Our friendship might have gone on pause for a while, Carrie, but I want it back." She began to struggle in his grip, because he was breaking her heart, going on about their friendship again.

"I also want your body, Carrie. So much that I hurt with it." All her motion stopped and her jaw dropped as she stared back at him. "I just didn't want you to think that all I wanted from you was sex. I want more than that. I want our past friendship, our future friendship, love, sex, everything."

_Everything except forever,_ Carrie added, but ignored the thought as he captured her lips in a kiss. She remembered her vow to take what she could, while she had the chance, and returned his kiss with all the passion she felt. Forever would have to wait, until she got over this thing with Joe.

He ended the kiss shortly before they completely lost all control. "We...better finish dinner first. Will you tell me more about your café ideas? Lanette said you came down here to do some research."

Carrie complied, telling him about things she had liked about certain establishments she'd visited, and business matters that people had experienced difficulty with, and what she'd like to do with her own place. Joe was a wonderful listener. He asked very good questions at times, and it was easy to imagine that he would be with her right through her venture... _but dangerous, considering Joe never stays with any woman for very long._ Carrie reminded herself that she could perfectly well rely on herself, and damned the treacherous idea of how beautiful life could be, if Joe was always by her side.

Talk of the café lasted all through their dinner and the chocolate fondue Joe set over the camp stove for dessert. With him feeding her the small pieces of chocolate dipped-fruit off the fork in a very sensuous way, there was soon a fire lit in Carrie's eyes. She saw an answering fire in his eyes, and began to reach for him, but he stalled.

"Uh, we have to clean up the food before we go to...bed."

As Carrie's head cleared, she realized that of course he was right. Although there was no bear hazard to worry about, here, there were plenty of reptiles, including goannas, poisonous snakes, and also a multitude of insects, who would be delighted to feast on their leftovers. The wildlife would quickly turn the camp into a disaster if they left Joe's delicious meal unattended.

Joe had already risen to start the clean-up, and Carrie joined him to make short work of it.

When all was packed away safely in the ute, they turned to each other, again. Carrie felt nervous. "Are you sure you want to do this? Because...you don't have to, you know. I mean —" she rushed on, "I know I wasn't very good at it the first time."

Joe was incredulous. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean, I know you didn't enjoy it very much. I've been reading up, though. I think I know more than I did then."

He groaned. "Carrie," he said very slowly, "you are a complete lunatic. I don't know how you got the idea I don't like making love to you...it was more special with you than it's ever been in my life. Why else would you imagine I haven't had sex with anyone, since?"

"You really meant that?"

He pulled her into his arms to hug her. "Yes, I meant it. I wouldn't ever lie to you, Carrie."

"Well, then, why didn't you ever come asking for more? Why didn't you want to see me? You've never been shy."

"No, I guess I never was. Until I fell in love with Carrie Holmes. Then my whole world tipped upside down."

_He really loves me?_ At last, Carrie began to believe that he truly did.

"I was just feeling so damn guilty, Carrie," he continued. "After we made love, all I could think of was what a bastard I'd been to steal your virginity that way when you weren't even sober...I didn't realize I was in love with you, because I never gave myself a chance to think that way."

"But _I_ didn't blame you, Joe. I woke up in love with you."

He looked stunned. "Thank God you left the country," he said emphatically. "It took a group of stodgy, badgering visa bureaucrats to force me to finally realize how much I love you...and in a romantic way, not just as a friend." He finally kissed her again, and Carrie kissed him back fully, happily, this time.

"Would you like to go for a walk before we go to bed?" he asked her finally.

"In the black of the night, with spiders and snakes lurking around?" Carrie shuddered. "No thank you."

"But you love walking in the moonlight at home."

"I know...but there aren't really any creepy-crawly creatures who want to bite us at home. I'm not really afraid of them..."

"I am," Joe said, with a teasing smile on his face. "We're just not experienced enough in this kind of bush, to be too casual with it, I think."

" _That's_ what I was trying to say," she exclaimed. "Oh, it's good to be together, Joe...you understand me so much better than anyone else."

"Except for that terrible morning when I made such an awful mistake," he amended. "It's been so long since we made love, Carrie...will you let me try again?"

Her knees trembled. "You won't wake up in the morning and send me away, even if I'm terrible?" she asked.

"No! No, oh, Carrie, how could you think that?" Her face was sad and serious, and he captured it between his hands to look deep into her eyes. "Let me try again," he said, and took her hand to lead her into the tent.

Indeed, Carrie discovered that she had the power to make Joe very happy indeed. _Almost_ , she thought dreamily, _as happy as he makes me._

# Chapter Nine

Over a deliciously late breakfast, they decided to make a clean getaway from the Outback, and head for a completely different experience...the beautiful beaches of Broome. Neither of them really wanted to remain among the landscape where they'd experienced such pain and confusion, and Joe had casually mentioned that his air ticket left out of Perth in two months, so he'd like to head that way. Carrie agreed easily, as she had heard that Broome was lovely.

He hadn't asked about Carrie's plans, and she hadn't pressed the issue. She knew their parting would come soon enough, and she had decided to try to put that to the back of her mind. For now, she would just lose herself in the wonderful experience of being with the person she loved most in the world.

It was a long drive to go straight through, but that was what they had decided to do. The miles stretched and were consumed, and it seemed to Carrie as though her troubles fell by the wayside, too. She felt very peaceful, just being by Joe's side. Sometimes they talked, and sometimes they didn't. It was very easy, being with Joe. Through the years of their friendship, they had come to know each other so well that they often knew what the other was thinking, without words. So Carrie felt comfortable to pour her heart out about anything she was thinking, _well, almost anything, except what's going on between us,_ she amended, or to just keep silent. It was wonderful to be so free, yet so full.

As they neared Broome, though, Joe began to get a small, secret smile on his face, and Carrie wondered what he was up to. She badgered him about what his secret could be, but he refused to give anything away.

When they finally pulled into town, he seemed to know his way, as if he'd phoned for directions from someone already. He drove purposefully down one street and then another until they came to the Mangrove Hotel. He pulled into the opulent-looking front drive and grinned at her. "What do you think?"

What could she say? After weeks of camping and rough station living, this fine hotel looked like paradise. She told him so.

"Good, because we're booked in."

The check-in procedure was fast and efficient, and they were soon opening the door to their very own luxurious room. Carrie was immediately drawn to the patio doors and stepped out on the balcony. "It's gorgeous!" she gasped. Indeed, it was one of the loveliest views she'd ever seen. The hotel stood on a cliff with a green fringe of mangrove trees at its base. Beyond that was a wide, golden sand flat, and across the bay, more green-fringed land, and then a blue, clear ocean.

Joe came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. He rested his cheek against her hair. "Mmm. It is nice."

Carrie snuggled back against him and contemplated trying to tempt him into the bed.

Joe squashed that idea. "I've got to go out for a while. There's a friend I have to see."

Her happy bubble burst. What good was a fancy hotel room, if he was just going to leave her alone? Visions of that last year in Canmore, of her staying home most nights while she heard of him, out, having a good time, flooded into her head.

"Can't it wait?" She hated the pleading tone in her voice. _I will not beg for his time._

He shook his head. "It's something I have to do right away."

"How long are you going to be gone?" Her voice was tight.

"I shouldn't be too long. A couple of hours at most."

"I think I'll go out, too, then," she said defiantly. "See the town."

"Wouldn't you like some time to relax here? Take a long bubble bath, swim in the pool?"

_Alone?_ "Not on your life."

"But, Carrie..."

"But what, Joe? I spent a whole year, staying home, while you went out and had the time of your life. I'm not doing it any more. If you're going out, I'm going out." Her jaw was set stubbornly.

"I thought you liked this place."

"I do." She stated. "Don't you? What's so damn important that you have to rush out and do it as soon as we get here?" Her voice quavered and a tear glittered in his eye.

Joe ran an impatient hand through his hair. This wasn't going like he had planned it, at all. "Look, I can't tell you. Won't you just trust me on this one, Carrie?" He looked at the hurt expression on her face, and realized that, no, she couldn't. He would have to abandon his plans, and that's all there was to it. _I guess I do have quite some time to make up for, before she'll trust me, again._

He might be 'fearless' Joe Bantrim, but he still had a lot to learn about this woman he loved. _Some situations call for a little finesse. Something I'm going to have to practice some more._

He pulled her back into his arms. "Look, forget it, okay? I won't go out, without you." _But how I'm going to buy a diamond ring behind her back, I don't know._

Her body was stiff, and he set his concentration to coaxing her into a more pliable state, kissing her ears, her throat, her mouth. Her mind might be set against him, but her body wasn't, and he soon had her moaning, so that he knew she wanted more. By that time, so did he, and all thoughts of his errand fled his mind. "I love you, Carrie. I love you so much."

She made a little sobbing sound and he saw a tear in her eye. "Still crying?" he asked.

"Happy," she said softly, and reached to pull off his shirt.

Somehow they moved over to the bed and he laid her gently down on it after taking her shirt off. He stood for a minute, shirtless, admiring her, loving the way her eyes were roaming hungrily over his chest as much as his eyes were hungry on her.

He unbuttoned his shorts and slid them off, leaving his briefs on. He wanted to enjoy her hands on him, taking them off. Later. There was plenty of time.

Her arms went around him as soon as he joined her on the bed and the kiss she gave him took his breath away. His hands went to her breasts and then he had to tear his mouth away from hers to suckle there, through her bra. She was writhing underneath him and he decided that they could take it slow later...right now, he couldn't wait.

Carrie felt completely satiated. She couldn't move a muscle, not even to wipe away the perspiration that was seeping saltily into her eyes. She felt warm and loose and more relaxed than she had ever been. Joe seemed to be the same way. His beautiful, strong, body was flung across hers, warm, slippery, inert. One of her hands decided it could move, after all, and lovingly traced his shoulder blade under the smooth brown skin.

Their lovemaking had been so urgent, this time, so stormy. Carrie hadn't known it could be that way, but she guessed it was something special. She sighed happily, knowing she would never forget this moment as long as she lived. The sun poured in the window, and the palm trees swaying outside cast exotic shadows on Joe's buttock. She watched the shadow idly for a moment. _Imagine telling the grandchildren about the day that grandpa took me to a fancy hotel and there was a tropical storm..._ she bit her lip, reminding herself that it would be safer to stop dreaming, that Joe probably wouldn't be around that long.

She refused to let the negative thought linger, but it had chased away the delicious languor. She sprang from the bed and splashed some water on her face.

"Where do you get all that energy from?" he drawled lazily from his sprawled-out position on the bed.

She splashed some more water on her face, patted it dry, and came up with a big, false smile.

"Mmmm...I guess we are a little sweaty," he mentioned, when she didn't say anything. "Let's have a shower." He jumped up from the bed and captured her around the waist.

"Mmmm..." he nuzzled her shoulder. "Have I ever told you how much I love kissing this spot on your shoulder? It was thinking about this spot on your shoulder that made me decide to chase down here after you, you know...even when my heart did not know where it was at, my lips knew they were obsessed with this. spot. right. here." He punctuated his words with kisses.

Her head fell back as he trailed kisses along her shoulder, the back of her neck, and around to the other shoulder. Then his hands at her waist pushed her towards the shower. He turned the water on and adjusted the temperature, and when she stepped into it, he soaped every inch of her body. She felt utterly cherished.

He took her back to the bed and made love to her until they fell into an exhausted sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

She woke up early, ravenous, and realized that they hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day.

She rolled onto her side and saw Joe lying on his back, staring at the white ceiling, deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about so hard, this early in the morning?" she teased.

He rolled and captured her in a hug. "How lucky I am to be with you," he said.

_It's like a honeymoon,_ she thought, looking out the window and marvelling at the palms, the blue sky, the yellow sands. _Except I'm not looking at forever-after, I'm just clinging onto him, to this happiness, as long as I can._

"You're so beautiful when you're asleep," he told her.

_Does he tell all of the women he has affairs with, the same thing?_ she couldn't help but wonder.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" she asked, trying to keep her tone even and languorous.

"I thought we might stay here another night, if that's all right with you. They're having an opera here tonight under the stars. Are you interested in that?"

She couldn't imagine a lovelier setting for a performance. "It sounds lovely."

"I'm glad you said so, because I already got tickets."

"What? How? When?"

"I saw the poster when we were checking in, and sneaked out while you were asleep last night." His grin was huge. He was obviously very proud of himself, so she tried not to be hurt that he had had enough energy after their lovemaking to go running about. _Didn't it shake his world as much as it did mine?_ she wondered, and chided herself for being so insecure. Perhaps she would just have to practice some more. After all, it had been very romantic of him to go to the effort.

She began to kiss him, but he had other ideas. "And I _do_ have to go to town and run an errand today."

She squashed her disappointment at his lack of response to her kisses, and said, "I'll come with you."

"Oh, but you can't," he said quickly.

She felt like crying, and told herself not to be such a baby. All the same, she didn't want to stay in this lovely hotel, alone.

She reminded herself to keep a stiff upper lip, although with all the passion of the last twenty-four hours, guarding her emotions was the furthest thing from what she wanted to do. It was so much more luxurious to allow them free rein. "I'll just come in to have a look around Chinatown, then," she said casually. "I've heard there are some really interesting shops."

"In a town this tiny? I can't imagine they'd have a big Chinatown! Wouldn't you like to stay around here and relax?" he pleaded, and Carrie hated the way it made her feel suspicious.

"Some other travellers told me it's a must-see. Harks back to the early days of the pearl fishery here. No, Joe, I'm not staying in a hotel room in this gorgeous town! I'll come into town, too." And her tone of voice was so final, that he didn't dare to argue.

Carrie was sorting through a dress shop, hoping to find something suitable for the opera, when her eyes were covered from behind. The hands were cool and feminine and uncallused, so it couldn't be Joe. She wondered if someone had mistaken her for someone else, until she heard the low, teasing British voice saying "guess who?"

"Janet!" she turned and embraced the other girl. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"I was about to go drink an iced coffee at the Shady Café. Would you like to join me?"

"Sure I would!" Carrie abandoned her dress-shopping without a second glance.

"You're looking well," Janet said, once they were sitting down at the cool wooden table in the tree shade. They'd bought a slice of chocolate cake to share along with their coffees. 'In the interests of research,' Carrie had called it. She even scrawled a few notes on her napkin regarding the menu and setting, that she wanted to add to her data file.

"I guess that Joe found you."

"Yeah, he did," Carrie said.

"And did he sweep you off of your feet?" Janet wanted to know. "I had a feeling, when he came back to the tour and you weren't there, that he really does love you...that maybe you'd made a mistake to leave the tour. How was the work on the station, by the way?"

Carrie told her about her work as a cook in the Outback...how she'd learned from an old-timer how to butcher the cow, and which cuts of meat to use for certain dishes. "It's a far cry from the nice wrapped-up way I buy my meat at home!" she said. She launched into some stories about the people she'd met on the station, but Janet soon cut her off.

"Enough of that, darling. Tell me...what about Joe?"

Carrie made a big show of chewing and swallowing a bite of cake, buying herself a little time. "Oh. Well, he made love to me again, at least."

"And..."

"He said he loves me, anyway. It's probably not forever. I mean, he'll probably move on. I've never seen him stay with any girl very long at home, and after all I am just one in his long string of affairs..."

"Has he chased any other girls across the ocean?" Janet asked mildly, sipping from her coffee.

"Well, no. Not that I know of, anyway."

"You see?" Janet said, and scooped off another forkful of cake.

"Ah, well, I'm trying to do like you said, Janet. I'm trying not to worry about the future, and just be happy with what I can have of him, now. But I hate feeling so insecure! For example, he's running an errand right now, and I'm wild with jealousy. I never used to be that way with him. But now, it's like I'm afraid that he's going to vanish, or something."

Janet made a wry expression. "Well, nobody said the knight in shining armour was perfect...or the damsel. It does sound a little silly to worry, though. I'm pretty sure he'll meet you back at the hotel like he said he would. And I really doubt he's up to any hanky-panky while he has you around."

"Janet!" Carrie gasped, scandalized. "I wasn't trying to imply that I thought he was fooling around!"

"Well then," Janet drawled, "what's the problem?"

Carrie sighed gustily. "Nothing, really. I told you it was silly, but I still couldn't help myself making a fuss about him leaving me alone. "

"You know, I hope you two really make it. But you're going to have to stop running and learn to trust him." Carrie opened her mouth to interject but Janet held up a hand.

"Now, listen. You two have got to learn to talk to each other again, both as lovers and as the friends you used to be. All this secrecy isn't doing you any good. Get your cards on the table. Find your guts and spill 'em."

Carrie looked chagrined and sighed. "I guess you're right."

"You know I'm right. Relationships are made and broken on communication. You need to learn to talk to each other. First, you need to be honest and point blank talk about your feelings. " Janet ignored Carrie's squirming in her seat. "Next, you need to talk about your future. Make plans. Where are you guys going after here?"

"I...we...I haven't really thought."

Janet shook her head wryly. "Exactly. Did you have plans to look at more cafés? What were you thinking? Are you going to pack a bag and fly straight back to Canada with him?"

"To be honest, I haven't thought. I'm just so upside-down with him showing back up in my life."

"But you're happy about that, right?"

"Well...now I am. It took me a while to realize he really wanted to be with me. I was scared. I'm still scared," she admitted.

"And you're still not really accepting it, or you wouldn't be so insecure about him going out for a bit. I can understand that you're shell-shocked, but you guys really need to _talk_."

Carrie looked unhappy.

"Come _on,_ " Janet snorted. "It's a bit ridiculous of you, Carrie. You seem fine, then where Joe is concerned, you're a pathetic nerve ball. I mean, I get the love thing, it's strange and crazy and hard, but Carrie! You've got to find some nerve. I don't want to see you fail at this and run away again. Just find the tenacity to _sit_ and _stay_. And then open your mouth and really _speak_ to him."

Carrie sighed. "Okay, okay. I get your point, Janet."

"Yes, but sweetie, will you _do_ it? Will you follow my advice?" Janet's hand covered Carrie's on the café table. "I really want to see you guys be able to make this work."

"So do I," Carrie whispered.

Both women sipped at their beverages for a few minutes. "So," said Carrie. "Teach me. Where do I start? Maybe if I had a script prepared, I could get past tongue-tied."

"That's a good idea," said Janet. "Just like a job interview. How about something really simple, like plans for the next week? Then you can talk about when he's planning to return to Canada, and see if you fit into those plans."

Carrie nodded. "That seems simple enough," she said. Her natural cheerfulness took over her gloom. "Thanks, Janet. I really appreciate you taking the time and effort to speak honestly to me. I needed a bit of a kick in the butt."

Janet smiled. "Glad to. So, what was with the dress shopping?"

"Apparently, we're going to the opera tonight. Very fancy do, it seems."

"Hey, sweet! I have a date for the opera, myself! A pearl diver I met. I might even go out to work on his boat when the tide turns."

"Really? Wow. You don't waste time, do you?'

"Come on," Janet teased. "I've been in town nearly a month now. It's about time I found some work."

"I guess it has been a while," Carrie agreed.

"How long did Joe have to look for you, before he found you?" Janet wanted to know.

"Do you really think he went looking for me right away?" Carrie asked.

Janet made an exasperated sound. "How is it that you still don't believe that the guy is crazy about you?"

"Oh..."

"Come on," Janet said, gathering her bag. "Let's go find a dress that you'll _know_ he'll love...you're a girl in need of a confidence boost, if I ever saw one!"

Joe paced the cool white tile of the hotel room nervously. _Where is she?_

She wouldn't have run away again, would she? He sat down on the bed, trying to control his agitation. Should he run out and look for her? Or stay put?

He acknowledged that it was his own fault that she wasn't here, because he hadn't been able to give her an exact time that he would be back. He'd been lucky that Dale's brother had agreed to see him at all, considering that Carrie'd made him miss his appointment with the jewelry designer yesterday. But now he was in possession of a beautiful little ring, of a design he'd actually drawn up himself. He'd shown it to Mattie a month ago, and Dale had piped up that his brother could probably make that up for him, and faxed the design off to his brother.

Now, he was delighted to find out that the ring had turned out perfectly, exactly as he'd envisioned it. He opened up the box and stared at it, as he sat on the bed. Tiny gold mountains shimmered against a white-gold background, and diamonds shimmered on the centre three mountains, just like Carrie's favorite Three Sisters mountains. The jeweler had used the diamonds from the local Argyle diamond mine, and each of the three was a slightly different colour. One was pink, one was champagne, and one was white. He was sure that Carrie would love it. But how could he give it to her, when she wasn't here?

He stood up and paced again. What could be taking her so long? He knew she'd been planning to buy something appropriate for the opera tonight, but she was usually an efficient shopper, who didn't linger too long in the shops.

_I hope she's all right,_ he worried for a minute, then scoffed at himself. Of course she was fine.

He decided that pacing wouldn't bring her back any quicker, and that he might as well go down to the pool and relax, as he'd told her to do. His mouth twisted in a wry smile. _I guess I understand why she didn't want to wait here, now. I feel like a cat on hot bricks!_

He wrote her a note indicating where he'd gone, and changed into his swimming trunks. He put the little blue velvet box in the pocket of his shorts, and then worried. What if someone were to steal it while he was gone? It would take ages to replace. Again he laughed at himself for being a silly fool. He folded his clothes neatly, with the pocket with the box in it, closest to the bed, and his shirt neatly on top of it. He regarded his handiwork and decided that it was as good a hiding place as any. Satisfied, he grabbed a towel and headed for the pool. Some vigorous laps ought to work his anxiety out.

"Are you sure you don't want to come back to the hotel, Janet?"

"Wouldn't you rather be alone with Joe?"

"Well..."

"Come on, after all the fuss you made about being apart from him in the first place..."

"Yeah," Carrie flushed. "I was being a bit of an idiot, wasn't I? I guess now I'll have to go back and admit it."

"I'll see you tonight at the opera."

"Okay, then," Carrie said, rushing now as she had to get on the bus, "Bye!"

The wonderfully friendly bus driver dropped her right at the hotel door, and she made her way back to their room on the second floor with a light heart. _It's amazing what a little chat with a girlfriend can do,_ Carrie thought. _It was silly to get so worked up about letting Joe do what he had to do...of course I can trust him._

She opened the door and dropped her purchases enthusiastically on the bed, grabbing the note lying there in the same motion. She went to the balcony and saw Joe below, lying on one of the lounge chairs.

"Hi, Joe!" she called down.

"You're back!" he yelped, and jumped up. "I'll be right up."

Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Joe's room?" came a young female voice on the other end.

"Yes," Carrie said, cautiously.

"Can you tell him," the voice on the other end giggled naughtily, "Can you tell him that he left his underwear with me?"

"Pardon me?" Carrie couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"He left his underwear here. Can you let him know?

"May I ask where you're calling from?"

"Oh, I don't think that Joe would like you to know," she giggled. "But he'll know where, don't worry."

_Yes, one would probably usually remember where they left their underwear behind,_ Carrie thought.

"Ta." The voice, still giggling, rang off.

Joe walked in to see Carrie standing beside the bed, staring at the telephone receiver. His first thought was the ring, but a quick glance at the bed proved that his clothes lay undisturbed where he'd folded them. _Phew._ She hadn't discovered it ahead of time.

"What did you do while you were out, Joe?"

He couldn't stop his face from flushing red. He never was good at keeping secrets.

"Go to the nude beach, maybe?" Carrie asked suspiciously.

"What?" he goggled.

"Some cutesy little girl just called up to say you'd left your underwear with her."

"Oh," he laughed, wishing it didn't sound so nervous. "That was dumb. I bought some new underwear when I picked up some new clothes to wear to the show tonight. I just wanted to have something totally clean, without all that darn red dirt stuck in it."

She was still looking at him suspiciously, so he said, "See? The underwear I had on this morning is right here," he went to pick it up from the neatly folded pile on the bed, and bumped the pile askew. He gasped, hoping the box wasn't visible, then looked quickly to Carrie. She was still looking at him, and hadn't seemed to notice the funny bulge in his clothes pile.

She sighed. "Fine. I know you wouldn't do anything to be unfaithful while you're with me. I promised Janet I'd trust you more, anyway. But why are you acting so darn weird?" she asked. She came over to him and put her arms around his waist, looking up at him.

"Ah, just because I missed you while you were gone," he improvised quickly. "You were right...this hotel room wasn't any fun at all, while you weren't in it. I'm sorry I asked you to stay here before."

Carrie laughed. "And I was going to apologize for making such a fuss! Well, do we get to kiss and make up, now?"

"Sure." He went willingly into her kiss.

"Mmmm..." he murmured as she kissed him warmly. "I could definitely get used to this."

"Good. I'd like you to."

The kiss intensified and somehow they ended up laying on the bed. Carrie's hand reached out and pushed her shopping bags onto the floor, and then his tidy pile of clothes. The box made a definite thunking sound as it hit the floor. He froze, but only for a nanosecond, and then he moved to kiss her deeply, hoping she wouldn't notice.

But she had, and she struggled away. "What was that?"

"I...er, it must have been those fifty-cent coins in my pocket."

"It didn't sound like coins to me," she insisted. "What are you hiding, Joe?"

He gave up. "It was supposed to be a surprise, for dinner tonight."

"You're keeping dinner in your shorts pocket?" she asked. She was like a little kid, now that her curiosity was roused, and he could see that trying to keep it from her for hours yet would be much more trouble than it was worth. He shrugged.

"This wasn't the way I imagined giving it to you, but...you're not giving me a choice here, Carrie!"

Her eyes sparkled. "You'll have to be sneakier than that, to stay in front of me, Bantrim!"

She was making everything into a game, now, and it wasn't at all the romantic, candle-lit atmosphere he'd been picturing.

She lunged across him to rummage through his clothes pile. "Come on, Joe! The suspense is killing me!"

"No!" Joe caught her around the waist and hauled her back to the opposite side of the bed. He wrestled her flat and sat on top of her. "You are a very naughty girl, Carrie Holmes." He smiled down at her. "Just like you've always been." He realized that he finally had what he'd wanted all along...his old Carrie back.

"But you're putting me in a very tight spot."

"It seems to me that I'm the one in the tight spot with this big oaf sitting on top of me," she retorted cheekily.

"Is that a complaint?" he demanded. "Fine. I'll move." But he moved to lie half on top of her, and captured her mouth in a kiss. She was delicious, tasting of sunshine and happiness and love. He was more than halfway into drowning in her, and was just sliding his hands along her tummy under her shirt, about to rid her of it, when she piped up again. "What about my surprise?"

"Later, Carrie, _please. "_

_"_ Okay _,"_ she agreed, but her tone was dejected.

He levered himself up. "Okay, you win. Sit on the side of the bed and close your eyes."

She promptly did as he asked. First checking that she wasn't peeking, he went to his shorts and took the box out, and then the ring out of the box. He tried kneeling on the cold tile floor in front of her. It just didn't seem right, with her sitting on the bed in this slightly messy room, and him dressed in his swimming trunks. _To heck with tradition._ He decided to tackle her back into a lying position again, where they seemed more equal. _That's how I want to walk through life with her...as equals._

"Joe!" she squealed, and her eyes flew open to meet his. "What about..."

"Sssshhh," he said. "Listen."

She was quiet.

"I..." he cleared his throat.

"You. No." He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, her eyes were wide.

"I love you."

"Me too."

He kissed her, and tried again.

"I...hmmm." He looked down to find her hand near his, and edged the circle of metal from his hand to hers. He slid the ring over her finger at last, and said, "Will you marry me? I want to spend forever and ever with you."

He wouldn't have thought it was possible for her eyes to go wider, but they did. She jack-knifed up on the bed and looked at the ring, and then at him, and then at the ring, and then at him. She looked completely astonished. She was, apparently, speechless. He noticed, also, that she wasn't breathing.

"Breathe, Carrie, breathe!" he whacked her on the back.

She inhaled deeply. She stared at the ring, and then at him. "Marry you? Me? You really want to marry me?"

"Mmm-hm,"

She fell back horizontal on the bed and looked at the ceiling.

He began to worry. "Carrie?"

She turned her head to look at him.

"Will you?"

"I. You."

"Yes, us, together." She looked back at him.

"I didn't think it would be _this_ big a shock. Didn't you expect me to ask?" She shook her head vehemently no.

That saddened him.

"Well, did you _want_ me to ask?"

She nodded her head vehemently yes.

"So you will marry me?"

She nodded her head vehemently yes again.

He gave a glad shout and hugged her, then dragged her up to dance around the room with him. "Finally!"

"Finally," she said at last, and rested her head on his shoulder. "Finally." She lifted her mouth to his and kissed him for a long, long time. When they came up for air, they just held each other, vibrating with the happiness of it.

Carrie leaned back and looked up at Joe. "I saw Janet while I was out."

"Janet? The friend from the tour?"

"Yes, and she had a really good point, Joe. We need to learn to talk. All of this trouble could have been avoided if we had communicated better."

Joe sat on the bed. "In some ways, yes. I will admit, though, Carrie, I was pretty stubborn and dumb. It took me a long time to realize what was going on with us. I'm so sorry about that." He looked so dejected that Carrie sat down on his lap and snuggled him.

"The thing that matters, is that we do better in the future. I need to say this while I'm brave enough, because Janet was right, I've been a real wimp about talking to you. I...I really didn't think you wanted me."

"That's my fault, partly. I promise I'll be better at showing you how I feel in the future."

Carrie sighed. "I'm sure we're both still going to need work."

Joe hugged her a little harder and they snuggled.

Carrie laughed. "Look at us, we're still tongue-tied. Janet suggested we might start with talking about what we want to do next week." She leaned back against Joe's strong arms and looked in his beautiful eyes. "So, fiancé of mine, what do you want to do next week?"

"Be married to you," said Joe.

"Don't you mean engaged?" asked Carrie.

"No, I mean married. Let's do it now. Tonight."

Carrie opened her mouth. Her brain tried to push back, but her heart said, _yes!_

"Can we? Aren't there a lot of hoops and paperwork?"

Joe grinned. "Nope. I researched all this ages ago. I knew once I caught up with you I was planning to keep you. I have the paperwork all ready to go."

_He did all that while I was doubting him?_ A slow grin came across Carrie's face too. "Okay."

"Yippee!" Joe kissed her again. When he stopped, Carrie said, "but we're interrupting this plan of mine to talk. What are we going to do _next week?_ "

"Honeymoon," said Joe. "We're already in one of the most glorious places in the world. Want to go to the beach? Ride some camels?"

"Yes, yes, and yes," said Carrie. "And maybe you can come to see Chinatown with me. It was awesome, and I was so hurt when I went there that you didn't want to join me. I had no idea you were doing something _for_ me. You see what lack of communication does? We really need to learn to talk and stop hurting each other, please."

Joe nodded solemnly. "Well, asking a girl to marry you...I always thought that the ring was meant to be a surprise. I didn't want to spoil it, but you're right. Given our crazy situation, maybe I should have done it differently...but you're right about communicating in the future. And yes, I'd love to come visit Broome again with you. We could be here a week, easily, seeing everything there is to see. Dinosaur footprints, Chinatown, pearl farms, World War II history, old buildings...what?" he asked when Carrie looked surprised. "I read the guide book too. Darn near memorized them in all those nights I couldn't find you. But the most important thing for me to see in Broome...is you, in bed with me." He leered at her and Carrie couldn't help but giggle. Their friendship had always been a mixture of serious and solid and fun.

How had she been so crazy as to not trust him for all that time? This was Joe. Trustworthy, dear, wonderful Joe. Love really had messed up her brain at first. "Our honeymoon," she whispered reverently.

"Our honeymoon," he growled.

After so long not talking, it felt so, so, so good to have him back. Just listening to his voice, looking at his now even more dear face, made her chest swell with love. _And I really can allow it free rein now,_ she reminded herself, when her habitual instinct to draw her love in and smother it came up. Just to prove it to herself, she let herself lean near and kiss him again, long and lingering and delicious. But she remembered Janet's advice and drew back. She still needed to sort out what came next, for her own peace of mind, and she'd better keep talking while she still had the nerve. It was easy and delicious to talk to him, but still hard to ask for what she wanted as a girlfriend. No, as a _fiancé_.

"Okay. And what will we do next month?"

"More Australia? What do you want to do?"

"Well, I have been researching cafés, because I was thinking of getting ready to start my own when I get back home..."

"Of course. How much will it cost? Should we save our money instead of travelling more?"

Carrie stared at him for a moment, thunderstruck at his casual use of "our."

_"Our,_ " she whispered.

"Yes, _our,_ " said Joe, firmly. "I have always known you were planning to start a café, and I always thought that somehow I would be part of it, though I never really thought it through. I knew that of course I would help you to renovate wherever you found for a location...but, I don't know, would you need a spare server? I could always go part-time as a guide for Rob. He has a lot of guys working for him now, and after all, he's done without me while I'm down here. Do you _want_ me to be part of your café, Carrie?"

"Yes, yes, yes!!" she squealed and rolled him backwards on the bed to put kisses all over his face. Finally, she began to feel what this partnership would really mean. Not a loose association, not dating. A _partner_. Joe was talking like a true, grown up partner. Carrie sat up and looked at him.

"Oh, Joe," she whispered. "I do love you."

"I'm really excited about our future, Carrie. You just tell me what you want. Let's make it happen."

"What _we_ want, Joe. Anything _we_ want."

"We can make our live exactly what we want, Carrie, that's true. For me, I feel like just about anything is negotiable, as long as I'm with you."

She closed her eyes tight, then hugged him tight, sizzling with the joy of it. "We don't need to hurry, do we?" she mused after a while. "We can enjoy the rest of our visas here."

"Oh good. Tht's what I wanted too," Joe assured her. "I have been running so hard after you, that I'm not sure I saw much of the scenery."

"I'm sorry," Carrie said, but she didn't really sound all that sorry. "Let's slow down and enjoy Australia. Wherever you want to go."

"Wherever _we_ want to go," Joe corrected her.

"Wherever we want to go," Carrie whispered, "and whatever we want to do. The world is our oyster."

"Oh! Oysters! Pearls! Janet was thinking of going out with some pearl divers...We're going to be late for the opera! I can't wait to find Janet and tell her the news!" she said.

Joe laughed and let her up off the bed, then hopped up himself to dress in the new fine clothes he'd gotten that day for the opera. _Clothes I thought I would propose in_ , he thought wryly. But maybe he was going to have to let go of planning everything, and talk to his new wife instead. So different from all their years as best friends, yet still the same. More rocks to navigate, but then, it always was the tricky, high-class rapids that he loved as a white water kayaker. He reckoned he was going to love this new adventure of navigating the lifetime adventure with Carrie even more than a long stretch of strong, scary white water river. He grinned.

They were married after the opera, in their brand new fine clothes. One of Joe's secret errands had been to get the blue form needed for the legal aspect of the marriage, and they lost no time in filling it out.

After the excellent opera performance was over, they took the microphone and asked if there was anyone there who could perform a wedding. It happened that there were three such people in the crowd, and so, then and there, they had the ceremony. It was something they'd probably never do in Canada, but the Aussies there all thought it was great fun, and cheered them on enormously.

It was a crazy thing to do, but Carrie loved it. They couldn't find a more beautiful setting. Palm trees swayed above the stage and the green lawn seating area that had been set up by the sea. They were surrounded by well-dressed, smiling people. And they were together.

Janet stood up for Carrie, but several other women whom Carrie had never met gathered around to make sure she had everything she should.

_Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue._

One old lady gave her a baby blue antique lace handkerchief, and told her that she'd taken this very same handkerchief to her own wedding fifty-two years ago. As her husband had passed on, so she would be delighted to pass the charm on to Carrie. Another woman gave her a racy black garter from her own leg, and assured Carrie that it had been new that night. A young pair of twin girls insisted on lending her their butterfly barrettes, and perched them jauntily in her hair. The hotel produced a lavish bouquet for her to carry.

The ceremony was simple, but Joe added his own vows at the end, speaking loud and clear so that everyone could hear.

"You know how they say, 'easy come, easy go', Carrie? Well, after all I've been through to finally get to you, I'm never going to let you go."

The End

# Also by Christa Bedwin

### Her Touch

Andrew Grayson is successful, gorgeous...and shy. Meghan, a masseuse by trade, is delighted when he takes it into his head to begin wining and dining her. He's truly a special man.

However, when she goes with him to Asia on business, she discovers more female competition for Andrew's affections than she bargained for. Has she got what it takes to keep him?

Or maybe the question is, how can he possibly live without her?

...

Meghan regarded the naked male body face down on the table in front of her. It was impeccably muscled and proportioned. Her eye wandered along the curves of his side, from firm deltoids to nicely bulging lat muscles, and down through the nicely ridged obliques at the side of what she guessed would be a very firm tummy. She brought herself up short and reminded herself that he was just a client like any other. So why was that warm prickling sensation building in her stomach? This was a strictly professional situation.

The microwave beeped and she pulled out the pot of coconut oil to test it with her fingers. Not quite melted or warm enough. She put it back to heat for another minute as she reviewed what her co-workers had told her about this client. They always worked on a rotation, and the women who had massaged Mr. Grayson before had all told Meg it was her lucky day when he walked in the door on her turn.

"He's a lovely guy, but horribly stressed out," Annabelle had advised her. "He likes the music set to a moderate volume—really tenses up when it's too loud, so turn it down right away."

Cairen had recommended lingering a bit over the preliminary settling and rocking actions, because Mr. Grayson always seemed to be ultra-tense when he came in. "He usually relaxes nicely after a few minutes of gentle rocking," she promised. "Even though he's so big, he's as gentle as a lamb and really easy to move. He's no worries at all. And he always leaves a nice tip."

"Ya know," said B.B., chewing her gum as she always did on her breaks, "a funny thing about this bloke is that it seems it has never occurred to him to introduce himself as anything other than _Mister_ Grayson." The other two girls cocked their heads to the side, and after a moment, agreed and nodded. B.B. continued. "You know, most guys came in and introduced themselves as Jim, or Dave, or whatever. But the Mr. Grayson of the perfect bod is only ever _Mister Grayson_."

"And he's always dressed so beautifully," Annabelle chimed in. "Dark grey business suit, appropriate tie, starched shirt. You'd never know he'd been out in the same sweaty tropical city we live in."

Cairen swung her head slowly back and forth, eyes wide. "Never a hair out of place. Perfect."

The girls looked at each other. "No wonder he needs a massage now and then!" They had dissolved into giggles as Meg made her way to the private room where Mr. Grayson was waiting.

Even now, she mused, naked as he was, he seemed tidily put together, somehow. Not a scar, a blemish, or an ounce of fat to mar the perfect picture he made.

The oil beeped again and she removed it from the microwave to set it on the counter.

"Is the music at the right level?" she inquired, her voice smooth and low to blend with the relaxing atmosphere of the room.

"It's fine," he replied. His tone was terse and authoritative, no doubt the same tone he used at work every day. _We'll soon change that_ , Meg thought with satisfaction. She enjoyed helping melt the everyday stresses out of people, and loved the way their tense bodies and voices became soft and mellow by the end of a session. It might be a small contribution to society, but Meg thought that she did do _some_ good in the world.

"Fine, then, we'll just move you around a little..." Meg let her voice trail off reassuringly. In fact, he was already in the exact correct position, with his arms dangling slightly off the table, and his legs slightly spread for balance and comfort. It was no surprise, as he'd been here before.

But the _precise_ position in this case wasn't good enough for Meg's purposes. She needed to relax his legs and arms until they felt heavy against the table, and rock his torso lightly, until it, too, relaxed into the table.

_Not that there's much room for give in this body_ , she reminded herself. No doubt those trim muscles of his would stay in the exact same shape. She would not be able to see the same melting, softening effect as she could with her less fit clients.

She gently lifted the upper part of his arm and ran her hands in a few _effleurages_ , long, sweeping strokes, up and down from his shoulder to his elbow. A _frisson_ of pleasure jolted from her fingertips every time they passed the dip between his deltoid and his triceps, and the electricity of it travelled lightning-quick to her center. She wished it away, but with each sweep, the electric feeling only seemed to amplify. Her nerves just would not stop reacting. Disconcerted, she nearly dropped his arm back onto the bench. She certainly lowered it more roughly than was good for the relaxing purpose she was trying to serve.

She breathed in deeply, wishing that the nerves in her hands weren't jumping so much where they rested on his shoulders. She continued her soothing deep-breathing exercise as she moved to the other side of the table, to relax his other arm. _Now, don't drop this one_ , she berated herself. _Pay attention to the task at hand._ She concentrated on her own breathing and the rhythms of the music to time her sweeps along his arm. The electricity still jumped, but she was ready for it this time and steeled herself to seem relaxed despite the tension coiling inside her. She concentrated on making each movement textbook-perfect despite her own intense awareness of his flesh.

The other girls hadn't warned her about this strange electricity that charged _Mister_ Grayson's skin. How did the others put this unsettling effect aside, to do a proper massage on this client? With all the warnings and description they had given her, they could have at least warned her about this strange electric effect.

She moved down to gently lift his legs and rotate them from the hip, as she always did to prepare a body on the table. His leg muscles were bulky and well-formed, and their perfection stirred something inside her. She averted her eyes, relying on touch to give her the information she needed about his body's readiness for massage. She resisted the temptation to run her fingers thoroughly up the curves of his thigh muscles, and chided herself for the eagerness she felt to massage him there later. For now, she would keep her touch light. This was only a preliminary exercise.

Andrew knew he was in trouble. From the moment he'd seen the slim, red-haired woman who was to be his masseuse today, he'd been uncontrollably aroused. _But this is not an erotic massage parlour, Grayson._ And he was not that kind of man. He had always prided himself on his control of his body and his actions. He had not allowed himself to behave inappropriately since high school. So what was happening now? One look at the lovely girl who was now in the room with him, and he'd gone as randy as an uncontrolled stallion.

He'd been quick to shower and lay on the table before she came in the room, to hide his erection, hoping he'd get it under control before the half-hour mark when they usually asked him to turn over. But as her warm hands touched him, he realized there was probably a slim-to-none chance of that happening. The hands that should have relaxed him were only serving to make his body disobey his mind even more.

_At least I'm not thinking about work_ , he thought. So half his purpose of coming for a massage was being served. But he definitely wasn't relaxed.

At least the tension of sexual arousal was a refreshing change from the tension of thinking about the company. Suddenly, his errant mind wondered if there was any way of getting some release from his stifling sexual tension from the masseuse. He knew it was illegal, but...he was feeling desperate. He nearly groaned as he reined his thoughts in. _What's the matter with me?_ Andrew always treated women with the utmost respect. And, ever conscious of his business image, he was in the habit of staying strictly on the clean side of morality and the law.

He had always been proud of that in himself—until now. At the moment, stuck with this raging hard-on, he wished he were the kind of man who would just ask for sex, and get it. He gave in and allowed his imagination full rein.

She began to smooth the coconut oil up his legs and back and he toyed with the idea of rolling over and catching her on top of him, feeling the whole length of her body along his own. He'd have to talk her out of her clothes, too, of course. He pictured them lying there on the table, imagined the way her body would feel under his hands as he ran them up and down along her. Her skin was milky pale and he saw his fantasy as through a video camera—her pale skin would look so beautiful next to his own darker shade.

He wasn't arrogant about his body, but knew that he attracted his fair share of attention. He was quite shy by nature, and at one stage he had even bought home gym equipment to work out at home and avoid the stares of others at the gym of the club where he worked out. But he spent enough time on his own, as it was, and decided the social exposure was good for him, stares or no. So he had returned to the gym club scene, and learned to shrug off others' reactions to his body. He loved to work out, needed the stress release, and if big muscles were a side effect of that, well, he just had to learn to be less sensitive about curiosity from other people.

How ironic that his normal reticence was so absent now, when he could really use some restraint! He wondered how much longer it would be until she asked him to turn over, and how he would cope with the request. With an enormous effort, he turned his mind to his work. Surely that would subdue his arousal.

Lately, business was stressing him out more than usual. His father, forced to acknowledge that it was time to slow down by a frightening heart attack, had passed over the reins of the company he'd built into the care of Andrew and his twin brother, Peter. The brothers, although they had been involved with the company all their lives, had been surprised to learn that their father had expanded the company far more than they had known, to include several international shipping interests. Although the company was doing very well, the sheer size of it made the job of running operations a heavy load to take on, even for the two of them. Unwilling to dedicate their entire lives to the business, as their father had, Andrew and Peter were trying to figure out a way to trim down the company. Both had dreams of a wife and a family, and were at the age when they wanted the flexibility of a reasonable work week with time off for friends and family, instead of the eighty hour weeks that had been their father's habit.

With this increased stress since his father's retirement, Andrew's regular gym workouts hadn't been enough to relax him. Thoughts of work had intruded even there. So when a friend had told him about this massage relaxation center, he'd decided to try it. Until today, it had been a perfectly safe way to relax. Here, under a masseuse's professional soothing hands, he usually floated right away into total emptiness for a blissful while. It was an emptiness his full mind sorely needed from time to time.

But now he was anything but empty. His head was full of visions of making love to the girl in the room with him. If she lay on top of him, the fiery curls of her hair would trail over his face. He imagined how her body would fit over his, smaller, but not too small. Her breasts would press against his own developed chest...would their nipples rub? He shifted uncomfortably as his manhood swelled at the thought.

He sighed. Of course that was all just a fantasy. This wasn't an erotic massage parlour, and he was not the type to have casual sex with a girl he'd just met, anyway. Back to plan A—how was he going to control his arousal? And why was he so attracted to this woman? He'd never had a reaction like this to a massage before. So why now? What made her so special to the forces that ran his body? Maybe he could kill the arousal if he could analyze it to death.

He cleared his throat to dislodge the lump that had formed there as her sure fingers swept from his buttocks up his back to make a large arch to encompass the breadth of his shoulders. "So, what's your name?" he asked. His voice was a little hoarse. Would she notice?

"I'm Meghan," she said, and, to his dismay, he realized that her voice attracted him just as much as her looks and her hands on him did. He fell silent again, and listened to his nerves singing along every place that her hands moved. Her pressure was firm, professional, soothing. There was nothing sexual in it. Logic told him that it shouldn't be arousing him. But reality told him differently.

...
