(dramatic Game of Thrones theme music)
- The intro is gonna be slightly different
every single episode
as the army of the dead progresses.
(singing along with theme song)
(singing along with theme song)
- Let's go baby, I've been
waiting all my life for this.
- [Daenerys] When I was a
child, my brother would tell me
a bedtime story--
- We're hopping right into it,
Jaime's trial.
- She's pissed.
- [Daenerys] About the man
who murdered our father.
- Yeah, he was stupid.
- [Daenerys] Who stabbed him
in the back and cut his throat
- That's a terrible
bedtime story. (laughs)
- Your grace, I know my brother.
- Like you knew your sister?
- Right!
- It's not his fault.
- Yeah.
- Tyrion is in trouble!
- Bran's like, you're screwed bitch,
I've got my fuckin' eyes on you.
- Everything I did, I did for my house
and my family, I'd do it all again.
- The things we do for love.
- [All] Oh! (clapping)
- Shit.
- [All] Oh!
(laughing)
- [All] Oh!
- Oh, we all know that line.
- The things I do for love.
(dramatic music)
This goes beyond loyalty.
This is about survival.
- Yes, Brienne.
- Yes, I knew she was gonna defend him!
- You go, Brienne!
- I know, I just love her so much.
- Go on, Brienne, oh my god!
- Their stories are always
so crazily intertwined, yo,
like that shit is so crazy, like,
he killed her Pops.
- Oh, Jaime, don't die.
A lot of you in that room
don't die, but, oh no.
- We should let him stay.
- Daenerys, oh my lord.
- Stop hating on Khaleesi!
She makes the right decisions, always!
(clapping)
- What an amazing arc Jaime
has been on this whole series.
- Jaime's so gonna die this season.
- Oh, of course.
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit, guilt, lots of guilt.
Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.
- Y'all gotta let all that bullshit go.
- That is not the time--
- Deal with that shit after
we defeat the Night king,
'cause like right now, it don't matter.
- I think you knew Cersei was lying
and let me believe otherwise,
or you didn't know at all.
- Daenerys is acting mighty stubborn, yo.
- She knows the army of the dead
are the ones that, you
know, really matter.
(sizzling)
- Ooh-wee, that's a nice shot of Gendry,
I don't blame her for staring.
- Why'd she, why'd she come in like that?
- Yeah, that was--
- Uh-uh!
- Yow! (laughs)
Look at that!
(all laughing)
- God damn.
- She has a thing for him.
- Death, that's what they're like.
- Mm-hm, they're zombies.
- Really bad.
- Really bad?
- (laughs) That's so funny, bro.
- I look forward to seeing this one.
- Oh, shit.
- Whoa, oh!
- I'll get right on it.
(laughing)
(laughing)
- A girl is thirsty.
- Can we please make this happen, please?
- She like you, so you better be careful,
don't be looking at no bitches. (laughs)
(dramatic music)
- I'm all-seeing raven,
I see all the futures.
Thanos wins again.
- I'm sorry for what I did to you.
- Mm!
- It's because you did
this fucked up shit,
that you are no longer
this fucked up person.
That perspective is amazing, bro.
- You're not angry with me?
- I owe you.
- What about afterwards?
- How do you know there is an afterwards?
- That scares me, don't say that shit.
Oh, I'm so nervous for next week.
- He's talking about the
whole fight with the dead,
like, how do you know there's
gonna be an afterwards?
Night King gonna come and kill everybody.
- Or, just him.
- We're going to die at Winterfell.
I always pictured myself
dying in my own bed--
at the age of eighty.
- With a-- Yes!
- Belly full of wine and
- [Both] a girl's mouth around--
my cock.
- Your cock.
(laughing)
(swords clashing)
- Is that our boy?
God damn, alright.
- I think he's on the good team now.
- It's so back and forth with him.
- I've been told you're
commanding the left flank.
- I am.
We have never had a
conversation last this long
without you insulting me.
(laughing)
- I'd be honored to
serve under your command.
- Oh, wow!
(whistles)
- He's dead, dog, I told you.
- Oh, that was beautiful.
That was so fucking beautiful.
- The respect he has
for Brienne is insane.
- But nobody's gonna trust his ass
to command some shit.
- I asked him to be my hand
because he was good and intelligent
and ruthless when he had to be.
- So badass, the black armor.
- I love Sansa's outfit.
- I'm here because I love your brother.
- Oh, she said the L word!
- Tell me, who manipulated whom?
- Mm, you see the close-up
right there, in her eyes.
- Oh, wow, no, she's right though.
- We said we'd never bow
to anyone else again.
- Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
- What about the North?
- Love you sis, love
your brother, I'm out.
- Come on, it was going so well!
(dramatic music)
- Oh, he's there for Sansa!
- He is officially Theon, no Reek.
- Nah, he's no Reek.
- He is Theon.
- Hug him!
- I want to fight for
Winterfell, Lady Sansa,
if you'll have me.
- Oh my god.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- Aw!
- Theon, my boy.
I've always liked Theon,
well, not always, obviously.
- But why aren't you with her?
- 'Cause I'm a Stark, man,
even though I'm not a Stark.
- He's gonna die, isn't he?
- I know, he's gonna die.
- He did some fucked up shit, babe.
He done made it, I mean, he lost his penis
(mumbles), kinda even.
- I think he's suffered enough!
- Yo, Theon, you got no thing
but you still Theon, bro.
- This fuckin' show, man.
- Not today.
Saving these tears for
next week's episode.
- I'm going to be in
the crypt with my son.
And I'd feel a lot better with
you down there to protect us.
- That's the second time we've heard
the crypt being considered
the safest place.
- Safest place.
- Uh-oh!
- I want to fight, too.
- She reminds him of Princess Shireen.
- I'll defend the crypt, then.
- I can't, I can't handle handle this.
(boots crunching)
- There you go, that's--
- [All] Jon Snow!
(laughing)
(clapping)
- Oh! (laughs)
That was a big bitch.
- Oh!
Oh (laughs) he scared me.
- The big woman still here?
(laughing)
(laughing)
- Bunch of OG, respectable,
straight-up gangsters right there, yo.
- Getting to him may be our best chance.
- I'm very, very nervous about this.
- We're all going to die.
- Oh!
- Jeez.
- He has no hope.
- At least we'll die together.
- Ha, he looks at Brienne!
- [Bran] He'll come for me.
- Oh, shit!
- [Bran] He's tried before.
- Oh, I really hope that Bran
doesn't have to die in all of this.
(snow crunching)
- (mumbles) never seen no
black people before, man.
- Do you want to grow old, in this place?
- Aw!
- I'd like to see the beaches again.
- Then I will take you there.
- Aw, don't make promises, you're dead!
(background chatter)
- Oh, there's Ghost!
- Ghost!
- Ghost is back!
- Yeah, Ghost!
- Hey!
- Ghost!
- Ghost, finally!
- [Sam] Everyone seems to forget
that I was the first man
to kill a White Walker.
(laughing)
- [Sam] They'll be
safe, down in the crypt.
- Way too many times they've said
that shit this episode already.
- The perils of self-betterment.
Ser Davos, join us.
- Oh my god, it only gets better!
Oh my god!
- This is exactly what I wanted!
- It could be our last night
in this world, you know.
- Tormund.
He's like always trying with her.
- He's so cute.
Give him a smile or
something at least, fuck.
- I killed a giant when I was 10.
And I climbed right
into bed with his wife.
- What?
- Ew.
- Suckled me at her teat for three months.
- No, sorry.
- Don't even say it,
Tormund, don't even say it.
(laughing)
- I'm sorry, like, this shit is ignorant.
Like, that's what he's drinking right now,
like, giant's milk.
- That's how I got so strong.
(laughing)
- (mumbles) What?
(laughing)
- What the fuck?
- Awkward as hell.
- Jesus Christ.
- Jesus Christ.
- Maybe I will have that drink.
- Yeah. (laughs)
- You never used to shut up,
now you're just sitting there like a mute.
I fought for you, didn't I?
- (sniffling) Y'all
are making me cry, man.
- The Lord of Light's gonna wonder why
he brought you back 19 times,
just to watch you die when
I chuck you over this fucking wall.
(laughing)
- I'm not spending my final hours
with you two miserable old shits.
- Damn!
(footsteps)
- This'll work.
Were you with other girls, before that,
in King's Landing, or after?
- What's about to happen?
- No, they better, I can't!
- They gonna fuck!
- I smell a sex scene.
- [Gendry] Yes, I was.
- [Arya] One?
- Okay, shit.
- They're not gonna have sex, bro.
But they're gonna solidify their intimacy.
- I want to know what it's
like before that happens.
(all screaming and clapping)
- What?
- Oh my god!
- Damn, I was not expecting that.
I ship that so hard!
- Not the weirdest relationship
in Game of Thrones,
that's for sure.
- I'm just processing, I'm processing.
Okay.
- Somebody interrupt this.
It's like my daughter, man.
- (laughs) Ew, what is going on, man?
- Is this actually happening?
- This is really happening.
This is really happening.
This is really fucking happening.
- I don't really want to watch this,
so if things about to happen,
I'm just gonna look away!
- Finally!
Oh my god, they getting right to it.
- Take your own bloody pants off.
- Hang on, she said, ah!
She said take it off!
- Alright.
(laughing)
- Good for you, Arya.
Take control, girlfriend.
- We saw her grow up. (laughs)
- Arya is currently 18 on Game of Thrones,
and Maisie Williams is 22.
Okay, we're good.
- At least we'll die with honor.
Women can't be nights.
- Why not?
- Tradition.
- Fuck tradition.
- Fuck tradition!
- Any knight can make another knight.
- Oh!
- He's gonna knight her!
- Is Jaime gonna knight Brienne right now?
(dramatic music)
- Yes.
- I charge you to defend the innocent.
Arise, Brienne of Tarth,
a Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.
- (laughs) Loves ladies.
(clapping)
- Yeah!
- Woo!
(clapping)
- Ha ha!
(clapping)
- I hate this, 'cause
they're all gonna die.
I can't stop thinking about it.
♪ High in the halls of
the kings who are gone ♪
- Bitch, we don't know war songs--
- What's that?
- Oh god, they're gonna show
everyone before they die.
I'm, ugh.
- We're gonna see everyone
before the battle.
- Is there anything that Podrick can't do?
- It's about to go down (mumbles)
- I'm so worried for, like,
all of my favorite characters.
- I'll see you when it's through.
- Not if the fuckin' Night King
rises all the fuckin' dead in the crypt
while they're all down there.
- I didn't think about that.
(flames crackling)
- We're not getting the
battle this episode.
- [Jon] My name, my real name--
- Fuck.
- [Jon] Is Aegon Targaryen.
- Holy fuck.
- He told her, no way!
- Oh shit, how's she gonna take that?
- It would make you the last
male heir of House Targaryen.
- Oh!
(squealing)
- She wants the throne
more than she wants him,
that's for sure.
- And then the war starts, oof.
- You know, want the fuckin' throne,
but you for damn sure,
she gonna fuck all of this up.
- Really feel like that was not
a good time to tell her that right now.
- They might not have another chance.
- But what about (mumbles)
(faraway yelling)
- That's how we leave it?
Are you fucking kidding me?
- They're gonna save that til episode six.
- Show me, actually, you
know what, don't show me.
It's gonna stress me out.
You know what, show me anyway.
(singing)
- Ah!
- Holy shit, there's a
lot of White Walkers.
- No!
- Well, shit.
- Fuck.
- They're gonna (mumbles)
- Fuck.
- Oh my god, next week,
I'm gonna need my own
fucking bottle of wine.
(upbeat music)
