Hi there, welcome. This is Cheryl
Richardson. Welcome to my weekly Facebook
Live. Although it's been a few weeks
since I've been here live, I'm glad to be
back. It's been a busy, busy time here
this spring, or sort of entering into
spring. And I finally have had a chance
to come back home and be here
to be able to schedule this live with
you. So I'm looking forward to connecting
with you, looking forward to answering
questions and maybe providing you with
some coaching. Hi Theresa, welcome to you.
So glad you're here. You're always
one of the first ones. I appreciate it. And Beryl, welcome to you from the
Netherlands. And Ev, welcome Ev, nice to
see you. I'm glad to be here. Adrienne,
welcome to you. And Corazon, Corazoncito.
Corazoncito and Pia, welcome to
you, too. Yes, I'm glad to be back. It's
been a little bit, it's been a little bit
crazy busy and I had a lot. Well, we
had a house guest here for seven days
and that's always a little tricky. You
know, just trying to spend time with a
loved one and tend to the business of
living at the same time. I'm sure you
know what I mean. And I've been busy with
some of the projects that I've been
working on. I've been coaching, just
coaching some different organizations
whose work I really believe in and
really am passionate about. So I've been
working with them. And so yeah, so things
were little nuts. And I noticed, when was it?
The other day I woke up and I just was
feeling really irritable. And throughout
the day I was feeling frustrated. I just,
I don't know. I was feeling like I just
wasn't grounded in my life and had this
amazing thing happened that really
showed me. So I had all of these
different thoughts going on like: I'm too
busy, I need to just stop, I need a
break.
Life doesn't feel very fulfilling and
rich right now or I'm missing
something. I mean, that was the big thing,
I guess that's the big thing. I felt like
I was missing something. I felt like my
life was missing something, like I didn't
even, I didn't even, oh I couldn't
even name what it was. I just felt like
life was missing something. And then I
had this interesting thing happen. So
this had been going on for a few weeks.
And then all of a sudden I was out one
morning filling the bird feeders like I
do every morning. I get up and I go out
and I put feed in the feeder and some
peanut butter in a suet feeder. And I
changed the water in the big bowl that I
have because I put out fresh water for
the animals and the birds. And so I was
filling the feeder and I stopped to look
out over the backyard and I look to the
left.
I have a little garden over on the
left-hand side. It's a
garden with rocks and that's where I
planted Louise's tree. It's a beautiful
dogwood tree. And I looked over and
staring at me was the most beautiful fox
just on the crest of the hill, just
above the garden, just sitting there
staring at me. And everything just
stopped. I mean, it was a magical moment.
And I slowly put the seed down and just
stood there looking at him or her. And I
said: Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
It's wonderful to see you and it's safe
to be here. You know, I always
say that to the animals that visit. It's
safe to be here. I'm glad you're here. And
all of a sudden he walked from the crest
of the hill, he walked down the hill
toward me. Sat down on the grass, curled
up almost like a cat. Curled up and just
sat there looking at me. And I was
chatting with him for a few minutes. And
then I just didn't say anything and just
really sort of felt that sense of
connection to nature.
And then after about five minutes of him
just sitting curled up in a ball,
comfortable, just looking at me, I very,
very slowly stepped back,
went into the house and then went racing
around trying to find my camera so I
could come back and take a picture of
him. And sure enough, by the time I came
back he was gone.
He was nowhere to be found. So I
walked back in the house and I thought,
Oh gosh, I love these magical moments
when we encounter nature, whenever I encounter wildlife. And I sat
down and I realized in that moment that
what I was missing was presence in my
life. We live in the
country, we live in a beautiful home with
a yard that has lots of wildlife here.
And the reason I was feeling irritable
and I was feeling like I was missing
something or that life felt like it had
lost its shine somehow was because I
wasn't very present for my life. I just
wasn't, I wasn't taking
time to even just hang out on the deck
and looking out over
the backyard for longer than two
seconds or a minute or two before
I was off to the next appointment or the
next task or whatever it was. And it was
just one of those moments where
I'm sure you've had them. Where it's
really easy to get in our heads and
start thinking about, start overanalyzing why we don't feel good in life,
why we feel restless or unsettled or sad
or melancholy or frustrated. Or just like
everybody else is living a great life
and I'm not. However that
shows up for you, nine and
a half times out of ten what's
really missing from your life
is you. What was missing from my life was
me. And so I made a point, I
immediately did something I often do. I
went to my calendar, the calendar on my
computer and I started to look at where
I needed to make space in my calendar.
What did I commit to that needed to
change? Where did I need to change my
mind? Say no to something I had already
said yes to? Where did I have to block
out time in my calendar so that I
wouldn't book anything else? That I'd
be able to have the time
that I needed? And what did
I need to say no to?
How was I going to put space
between a request of my time or energy
and my response? I always think of my
friend Helen who passed away a couple of
months ago. She used to always say to me,
Cheryl, she was in her 80s. She was
much older than I was. And she used to
always say: Cheryl, I always tell the
people in my life that I need to
sleep on any decision I make and that
gives me the time to really think about
whether or not I wanted to vote. Whether
I want to give any of my time and energy
or any space in my calendar to somebody
else. It's a wonderful practice to just
sleep on it. And so I was thinking,
I need to do more of that as
well. But the fox, once again, he has
visited me a few times, but this time
just really staying present. It was just an
amazing experience. And of course, I went
to some of my, I have these beautiful
animal card decks where I would look up
the symbolism of the
fox. And I always look up the symbolism
of the animals that come and visit me.
It makes me just feel connected to them
in a different way, in a sort of
multi-dimensional way. But anyway, I
feel like I'm back. I still have a couple
of busy days to get through. I had a busy
day today and I've got a busy day
tomorrow. But after that, things
kind of calm down a bit and I'm going to
make sure they stay that way for as long
as I can. And then I'll make the mistake
of filling up my calendar again and
saying yes too soon like we all do, right? This is life. There's never, there's no
perfection, there's no graduation. I think when it
comes to self-care there's just no
graduation where suddenly
you're masterful and practicing extreme
self-care and you never screw up again.
That's just unrealistic, especially given
the craziness of our lives and the
commitments that happen and the needs
that people have and all of those sorts
of things. So all of that said before I take some of
your questions, I invite you to start
putting them in the comment section. Now,
all of that said, it's really important
to take time to be present to your
environment, to yourself, to nature.
Regardless of where you live. Whether
you're in the city or not, or if you don't live
in the country, getting yourself
someplace where there are squirrels and
birds and dogs and cats and fox and deer.
I'm hoping to see some deer soon. A lot
of them give birth around now and every
now and then I get lucky to see a
beautiful little baby fawn
showing up in the backyard. If I do I'll
be sure to take pictures for you. But
making a point to just be present to
your life. To actually just slow down,
take a deep breath and be where you are.
It's a simple, it's a really
simple piece of advice, but boy it's so
important. Make sure that if you
feel like you're missing something in
your life, that the something you're
missing isn't you. Okay? All right. So
let's see. Yes Sarah, my garden is not
stunningly beautiful right now. The pots
on my deck are empty. I do have,
Louise's tree is just starting to sprout
leaves. And I look forward to, I'm going to
take pictures for all of you once the
the flowers come out this spring. I
planted it too late for it to flower
last year and I'm hoping that it flowers
and does well this year. So things aren't
stunningly beautiful yet, but the
bones are there. And I've got seeds
happening. Here, let's see if I can show
you. See my seeds over there? Whoops.
I've got seeds that I've planted. This is
my first year planting seeds. I planted
Italian basil. And a recommendation from
a friend: white Russian kale that's
supposed to be sweet and small. So this
is the first year I decided to attempt
to grow some things in the garden from
seeds, starting in the house here. So I'll
be very curious to see how it goes. I
come and watch them every day. I look at
them to see if they've sprouted. And the
the day they sprouted I was like a
little kid. Yes! It worked! I'm so excited.
Okay. So anyway, let's see what do we have
here? I'm going to attempt to, so if
you're asking questions, do me a favor
and just make sure you copy your
question. You may need to post it again
because I can't always scroll all the
way back. I'm trying to do that right now
and it is not allowing me to do so. So
let's have you repost any questions that
you may have put in to the comment
section. And yes. Hi everybody. Vincent and
Jean and Margaux, welcome. I'm glad you're
here. And Tara and Sarah and Meredith.
Yeah, you're welcome Meredith. Suzette,
yeah. Sleep is great, Suzette. I love sleep.
That's one of my favorite things to
do is sleep. Anyway, thank you Margaux,
thank you. Okay, let's see.
Caroline says you know that was not just
a fox. Thank you for the beautiful
message with the energy in the world
right now. Yeah, it wasn't just a fox. I'm
not sure exactly what it was but it was
a friend for sure. Hey Donna,
welcome to you, sweetheart. I'm glad
you're here. And Karen, yeah. It certainly
was a gift from nature, Karen. I just love
when that happens. So Olivia says: I just
got out of a relationship and I know I
need time for myself. But I don't know
where to start.
It's a good question, Olivia. First of all,
it's always really challenging, isn't it,
to get out of a relationship. I'm just
writing down your name because Facebook is
going to scroll by you. Where do you
start, Olivia? Ending relationships
are hard. I think they are some of
the hardest things that we do.
We like to be close to people. We like to
be in love. We like to feel that
connection. We like our relationships to
work. And they are some of the hardest
places that we invest time and energy in.
And I think they provide us with the
most opportunity for growth. It's just
that if both people aren't
committed to growth then it gets pretty
rocky. So where do you start? You know,
I'm a journal keeper, Olivia. And the
first thing I would say is start keeping
a journal about how you feel. You don't
have to write multiple pages. Even if you
just do a page. Think of it as a way of
connecting with yourself, of having a
dialogue with yourself. You could even
write a letter to yourself about how
you're feeling today. How you're feeling
about the ending of the relationship. I
remember one time, Olivia, when I entered
a relationship with someone that I knew
the relationship needed to be over. One
of the things I did in my journal is I
made a list of 20 reasons why I knew
that relationship needed to end. Now, the
reason I did that was because we had
gotten broken up and gotten back
together a couple of times. And I knew it
just needed to stop. That dance needed to
stop. And I made a list of 20 reasons why
that relationship wasn't a good
relationship for me. And any time I found
myself tempted to even think about,
just to think of him period I would
go back and I would read those 20 items.
And it really helped. Now, I'm not saying
it's a bashing list, right. I'm just
saying that it's a really great act of
self-care: To remind yourself why you
chose to end that relationship. Now, if
you didn't choose to end it, if the other
person chose to end it you could
consider that a gift as well. Every
rejection is God's protection as they
say. So if you were to be really, really
honest about what worked and what didn't
work in the relationship you could make
a list of the things that just weren't
working for you.
So journaling would be one thing.
Arranging to have a couple of friends
who could really just listen to you when
you're feeling sad about the end of
the relationship, who could really just
mirror you without giving you advice.
Without telling you what you should or
shouldn't do or without commenting on
the relationship itself but just really
being there for you and being willing to
just hear you out. I mean, that's one of the things we
need most of all with grief. We need
to be, we need our grief hosted by
somebody loving and patient and
present. Able to listen without
opening their mouth and going on and on
and on. So lining up a couple of people
and saying to them right up front: Listen,
I had a little coaching session and my
coach recommended that I line up one or
two people that could really be there
for me when I just feel a bit
heartbroken or scared or uncomfortable.
And I'm wondering if you might be
willing to be that person. I don't need
you to give me any advice. I don't need
you to do anything at all except just be
a loving mirror for me, for what I
say and how I'm feeling. So that would
also be something I would recommend,
Olivia.
Certainly sometimes therapy is really a
great thing to do when a relationship
has ended. And it can give you an
opportunity to begin to just explore who
were you in the relationship. Did you
like who you were? What didn't you like
about yourself in that relationship? What
lessons might there have been offered to
you in that relationship that you want
to learn so that you don't repeat the
same issues in the next relationship?
It can also just be a wonderful way
to get to know yourself on a deeper
level. And I always say never, this is
great advice for everybody: Never
underestimate the power of a daily walk.
I think walking out in nature at a park,
I mean, I don't even care if you're
walking, sometimes I love when I'm in New
York City. I love putting on headphones. I
create a playlist of some of my favorite
music, Olivia, and then I walk around the
city. I have such great memories
doing that sometimes. I've even played
the same song over and over and over
again because it just made me feel good
or it made me feel kind of connected to
myself in a deeper way. So walking even
if it's a 20-minute walk is going to be
great for your body. It's going to be great
for your adrenal system. And it's going to
be wonderful to clear your head. And also
to just be with yourself. A lot of times
being with yourself, walking without
listening to anything can be great.
Sometimes music, and sometimes I listen
to inspiring podcasts. Esther Perel
has wonderful podcasts. Her podcast is,
I think it's called Where do
we begin? Or Where do I begin?
Nicole, if you could just make a note of
that. Esther Perel, a wonderful
relationship podcast where she actually
does therapy with a couple. And that
might be something that would be interesting to you and educational
as well. So anyway, those are some of my
suggestions, Olivia. I hope that they're
helpful. And I have with me here my
prayer book, my red prayer book. I'm
going to put you in there, sweetheart. I'm
going to put you in there
and hold the vision that
the ending of this relationship is the
beginning of a beautiful new
relationship with yourself. Yeah, we've got
to be alone for a while, people, to get to
know ourselves, to get to know what's
important to us before we attempt to try
and make it work with someone else. I
avoided that for a lot of years, Olivia.
And when I finally did it, it was the
best thing I ever did. Anyway,
I hope that's helpful. Okay, remember to
repost your questions. Jen says: I
recently left a job in which I now
realize, uh-oh, that I've been existing
outside of myself. Jen, can you repost
that, honey? You know, Facebook makes
me crazy. It moves along without
my doing. Let's see.
So I'm just going to scroll through here.
Yeah, hi Rachel. Glad to see you here, dear.
So any advice, so Marilyn says: Any advice
on how to flip the script when it's so
easy to take care of others and forget
to take care of ourselves. Any advice
on how to do this in a small
way on a daily basis? So Marilyn, yeah
it is. I remember early on, you know I'm a
natural helper on the Enneagram. I'm a
Type 2. That's called the Helper. No
surprise. And I remember years ago being
in therapy and my therapist talking
about how important it was for me to
start taking good care of myself, making
my needs a priority. And I said to her:
You know, it feels like caring for others
is in my DNA. It's in my bones, it's
something I just automatically do. And so
awareness is always the first step,
Marilyn. It's really about becoming aware.
So before you try to get yourself to
change your behavior or try to, God forbid, beat yourself up
for not taking care of yourself, putting
the needs of others before you, just
start by becoming aware. Literally
imagine yourself as a witness to your
life. Become very curious. That's what
I want to say. Become incredibly curious
about how you operate on a daily
basis. So when you get up tomorrow
morning or whenever your morning is, when
you wake up you want to say to yourself:
Today I'm going to pay attention to how I
operate in the world. I'm just going to
become aware of how I act on a regular
basis that gets me into trouble. So for
example as I was saying in the beginning
of this broadcast, one of the things I
always notice that I do, one of the
things that gets me into trouble is when
I don't take space between a request of
my time and energy and my
response. So you might discover that: Oh wow, I tend
to be really impulsive when people ask
me to do something. I automatically say
yes. Hmm. Isn't that interesting? Or: Oh, I
notice that anytime there's a crisis in
my family I feel the urge to respond
right away. And I get in the
middle of it and I want to try and fix
everything so people get along. Hmm. Isn't that
interesting? Or: Wow, I notice when people
text me I automatically text them back
right away because I'm so afraid I'm
going to forget it and I just want to get
it off my plate. Isn't that interesting?
Just become aware, Marilyn. That's what
you want to do at first because that's
going to give you information about how to
make small changes. It might be that the
one small change you make is that from
now on anybody who texts you isn't going to
get a response right away. You're going to
wait an hour, 3 hours, maybe 24 hours.
And you just focus on making that change
for the week, just that one change. Or
when you suddenly discover that
a family member is in some kind
of a crisis. They call and they
leave a message, Oh, you wouldn't believe
what happened and you need to call me
right back.
You decide : You know what? I'm going to just
sleep on that before I call back. Because
you know, interestingly enough Marilyn, a
lot of times if you give them 24
hours they'll work out their own drama
without you needing to be involved at
all. That can happen. So that's something
to think about. So becoming aware is the
first step. Think of yourself as a
science project and you are going to
witness yourself going through your
daily life. And notice the habits and
behaviors that keep getting you into
trouble. Just become aware of them. Now
taking that witnessing perspective,
imagining yourself like I often imagine
my Higher Self is right up here
above me. And I say to my Higher Self: Pay
attention to what I'm doing, will you? And
I start to just witness myself moving
through life, and I always get really
great information about the changes that
I need to make. It's what happened the
other day as I
started this broadcast when I suddenly
discovered the fox sitting in the
backyard. And I stood there and I was
watching him. When I stepped back, when
the fox left and I came back into the
house, I began to witness what just
happened there. Oh, I was present. I
stopped. I wasn't doing anything. I was
one with nature. I was
taking in the magic of this moment. Hmm.
Isn't that interesting?
How often do I do that during
the day? Not very often. I've been too
busy lately. Oh, okay. Maybe that has
something to do with why I
feel like I'm missing something in life.
So anyway, I hope that's helpful. Marilyn.
Let's see. I'm just going to look through
your questions here. Remember to
copy your questions. Cindy says: Cheryl, I
turned 65 in March and I've been
struggling with a sense of purpose.
There's so many things I've yet to
experience and accomplish but I find
myself feeling like I'm running out of
time and it's too late. How do I get past
this and still go after my dreams? Well
Cindy, we will always feel overwhelmed by
the amount of desire we have that goes
unfulfilled when we're focused on all of
the dreams we have or all of the things
we could do or all of the experiences we
want to have. I think we live in
a culture where we're so bombarded
with everybody's stuff.
Social media gives us a window into
everybody fulfilling their dreams all
the time or living a great life.
We've talked about that before here. What
I would say to you, Cindy, is focus on
just one thing you'd like to experience,
just one thing. What would you like to do?
Would you like to go away overnight to a
little Inn by yourself, maybe by the
ocean or in the desert somewhere?
Is there a trip you've wanted to plan?
Is there a friend that you really
love spending time with and you'd like
to actually spend more time than just
dinner together? Maybe you want to do
a girls' night, a pajama
party with a girlfriend? One thing
you'd like to experience and put the
emphasis on? That one thing that you'd
like to actually really be present for?
And that's all you have to do for this
week. There's just one thing you're going
to plan and then trust that that one
thing, here's the kind of magical,
spiritual element to it. When we put
energy behind the things that matter to
us, when we pick one thing and we put our
energy behind it, it's like life starts
to lead us in the direction that we're
supposed to go in. So while you're
picking one experience that you want to
have, and honestly, Cindy, I'll tell you. I
think the older we get, the
older I get the more I value experience
over things. I've valued experience for a long time. But
more and more, I'll tell you, we spend an
awful lot of time fantasizing about the
dreams we want to fulfill and not enough
time planning just one of them. And
sometimes the word "dreams" is as loaded
as the word "purpose." Dreams feels like
this big thing. Oh my God, I have to
travel through Europe. Or: Oh, I have to
have a baby. Or: Oh, I have to meet the person of my
dreams. Dreams feel so big.
When really, if we focus on one simple
experience that you've wanted to have
for a while. Putting momentum behind that,
making a decision to give yourself the
gift of that experience, it kind of opens
a door where life then will lead you to
the next experience and the next
experience. And you'll also learn a lot
about yourself and you'll learn a lot
about what kinds of experiences
really fill you. Your purpose here, my
darling, the soul is here to
experience life. That's our purpose. We're
here to grow, evolve, to be present to our
lives, to experience each other, to be
present in this moment right now as I
look at you through the computer screen.
This is what my life is. The beauty, the
richness of what you're looking for is
right here, right now, in this moment. My
face to yours even though I can't see
you I'm looking at you like I can. So one
experience, CIndy, that's the goal here.
To really just give yourself the gift
of that one commitment to yourself and
trust that life is going to show you if you
just take it one experience at a time,
one week at a time. Life is going to start
leading you. When we get to the second
stage of life, it is less about setting
goals and intentions and dreams and then
making them happen. It's more about being
present. It's becoming, it's like I
write about in Waking Up in Winter. It's
about becoming the chalice, becoming so
present and available to life that life
then shows you what's next instead of
you having to figure it out all the time.
So I hope that happens for you, Cindy, and
I hope you can give yourself the
gift of just one experience. Let me know
if that makes sense to you. I hope so.
Okay, let's see. I am going to scroll through
again. Oh Lori, I'm so glad this year is
going to be dedicated to you. That sounds
fantastic. Let's see what we have here.
Unfortunately it's always hard when I do the Facebook
Lives. I see that there's some
people who are struggling with loss but
it goes by so I can't see it. Nicole,
Joyce says please say hello to Nicole
from Joyce in New Hampshire. Eight years
ago she was very helpful when I was
trying to heal from a traumatic
experience and reached out to your email.
Nicole responded to me. I will always
remember her kindness and support. She is,
Nicole, I could just cry when I think about
my assistant Nicole. She is such a good
human being. And yes, she's here with all
of us. She's just, she makes me want to be
a better person. I tell her that all the
time. She's terrific, Joyce, and I'm
not surprised that she helped you. She's
just that kind of gal, she really
is. She's really, really special. I'm
blessed with special people in my life.
Okay, let's see. Skyler says: I'm very
soon undergoing the full hysterectomy,
ovaries removed. I'm 48. I feel like I'm a
Phoenix about to go to ashes. How can I
help myself to transition into this next
stage of womanhood?
Skyler, I would strongly recommend
that you get the book, Prepare for
Surgery, Heal Faster. Nicole, we can put in
HealFaster.com as one of the resources.
I'll post the resources here after
we're done. It'll take me a few minutes,
but we'll post them in. Prepare for
Surgery, Heal Faster is really important,
Skyler. In there she talks about using,
possibly creating an audiotape
that you can listen to during surgery. I
actually had abdominal surgery on my
uterus several years ago back in '97 and
I used her process. I created, Skyler, I
created an audio program. I recorded my
own voice giving me positive
affirmations so I could listen to it
during the surgery. And I talked about
my creativity and my womanhood
because my uterus was being operated on.
And I healed in nearly half the time
that I was supposed to and it ended up
being a powerful healing experience for
me. I rose as a Phoenix out of the ashes.
I rose. And a lot of that was due to
Peggy Huddleston's Prepare for Surgery,
Heal Faster program. So that's my
recommendation to you. It's a really,
really great, great program.
Hi John and hi David.
Let's see. Okay.
Just scrolling through looking for your
questions here. Kimberly, I don't know. I
see: I missed her dying by five minutes
and can't forgive myself. I'm a nurse. I
don't know who died and maybe
somebody could let me know. That would be great.
Kimberly, my experience, when my
Dad died we weren't there. And I've
watched my mother suffer about the fact
that she wasn't there for too long. And I
don't think my Dad could have gone if my
mother were there. I don't know who you
lost. But I do know, I do know from my
experience with death and dying and
I've had a lot of experience with it.
That a lot of times there are people and
animals in our lives that will leave us
when we're not there. There's a reason
for that. So please, sweetheart, don't beat
yourself up for that. I promise you, your
loved one, whether it was an animal or a
human being, wouldn't want that. And
there's nothing to be gained by doing
that except maybe a false sense of
control over a situation that feels so
desperately uncontrollable.
Anyway, I'll look to see if I get more
information here.
Yeah, thanks. Ev is saying the same thing. So
it was your mom. Okay Kimberly, it was
your mom. Yeah, I'm so sorry. It's so hard.
Please reach out for support. And there's
a wonderful, wonderful book called The
Wild Edge of Sorrow that my therapist
recommended to me when I lost Poupon. And
I was just, I was really devastated by
that loss and he recommended that book.
And it's just a beautiful, beautiful book.
I'm pretty sure, Nicole, you can check it.
The Wild Edge of Sorrow. I don't have the
author's name, but I'll post that book as
well. Kimberly, I'd really encourage you
to get that book. Lots of good advice
there for anybody who's grieving. Yeah,
Caroline, you, too, as well. Yeah.
I'm so sorry you lost a dear friend. It
does leave such a hole in our lives,
doesn't it? I mean, those we love and lose
are worthy of our grief and they leave
holes in our lives and they really
invite us to practice self-care in a
huge way. I'm glad you told me, Caroline,
that you lost your friend. And I'm so
sorry for your loss, I really am. And I
would encourage you to check out that
book as well. The Wild Edge of Sorrow.
Let's see. Hi everybody, I'm so glad to
have you here. All of you. Oh good, Cindy.
Thank you. Thanks for letting me know
that that made sense. Okay, so Kathy says:
What recommendations do you have for
recovering from not experiencing?
Self-help burnout? I've been realizing
for the past few months I've been
working so much on myself that I need a
break but need to get back to the
important work that I'm doing and not
stop it completely.
Okay Kathy, great question. Self-help
burnout is real, people. Too many books,
too many workshops. And now it's too much
social media, too many graphic quotes, too
many online courses, too many Facebook
Lives. Even though I know you're here. The
remedy for that, Kathy, is fun. F-U-N. I
would make a huge sign that
says the word "FUN" on it. Don't worry
about taking a break from self-help. Self
awareness is 50 percent of the battle. So just
being aware of yourself as you move
through life is great. But one of the
most powerful things we do to take good
care of ourselves is have fun, to bring
more pleasure into our lives. I know you
have a little girl. Little kids can teach
us a lot about fun and pleasure and joy.
I also know you live in a beautiful part
of the world and so I would encourage
you, I don't even care if you stop it
completely. I could say to you, take a
three-month sabbatical from anything
self-help related and just enjoy your
life. And that would be actually real
important self-help. Okay, let's see.
Yes, thank you Leah. Glad you're here. Oh,
thank you Skyler. Let's see what else we have here.
Vincent says: I'm raising my
vibration and working on connecting to
my guides. Any advice as to how to break
through a daily practice? My friend Bob
Olsen wrote a wonderful book. He's got a
great website called AfterlifeTV.com
and he did a what do you call it? A
vlog on connecting with your guides.
Guardian angels, spirit guides, however
we connect with the other realm.
I would encourage you to check that out,
Vincent. I think it would be helpful.
But one of the things he suggested that
I really liked was every day writing, just
writing a little letter to your guide,
your guardian angels or your angels or
whomever in a journal. Just a little note
about the things that you'd like to
experience in your life and that you'd like their support with. And
then make a point to go back to that
journal when something happens.
You know, where you feel supported in some way or
something that you wanted to have happen
occurs. Go back in and make a note in
that journal as well. Think of it as a
way of building a relationship through a
daily practice of connecting with your
guides. And doing that in such a way that
has this sort of an ongoing
feedback loop: I believe that there
are angels or there are guardians around
me or spirit guides around me. I'm going to
just communicate with them and then I'm
going to see what happens. And then I'm
going to write about what happens. And you
sort of go back and forth with that and
it's a wonderful way to just build that
as a daily practice.
Let's see. Thanks John.
I'm going to buy your book Waking Up in
Winter. Thank you for that. I so
appreciate the support when people do
that. It's a different kind of
book and it's not for everybody for sure.
But for people who are at midlife and
are really wanting to slow down and stop
and really think about how they're
living their lives. It's a good
idea and I also appreciate those of you
who put reviews on Amazon because they
really matter, too. I appreciate it. All
right. Let's see. Ann says: I recently
watched a video with you and Louise. She
mentioned she had given up a child for
adoption. Were you that child? You have so
many similarities, especially your facial
appearance. You could choose not to
answer if it's too private. That's very
sweet, Ann. No, I am not Louise's adopted
child. But you know it's very funny
because she reminded me, when
Louise and I first started traveling
together and writing together there were
ways she reminded me of my mom. And
there's a kind of regalness about her. My
mom's a very regal woman. And Louise
was always very positive, liked to keep
things positive and my mom's the same way.
But no, I'm not. I'm not her adopted child.
But, you know, I think of her as a
wonderful mother figure in my life. And
even though she's not here in physical
form. And Kathy, by the way,
Louise would be the first one to say
forget the self-help and have some fun.
Louise was a real hoot and she loved,
loved, loved having fun. All right. I'm
looking at the time. I see it's
getting sort of late here. Thank you all
so much for your comments and your
questions. Well, let's just, let me just
finish with this because this is
important. Jess says: Because of my recent
experiences with death I'm questioning
my beliefs in everything and I don't
know what to think anymore. I'm a little
lost. Where do I start to find myself
again? Jess, that's a really, that's a
really important and powerful question
and you are at an important time in your
life. I don't know how old you are. Loss
makes us question everything and
I think it should. When I lost my Dad, suddenly it's like,
Wow, I'm a daughter without a
living father. What does that mean? And
even to just see what happened
after my Dad was gone. You know,
I think about it when Debbie Ford
died. You know, Debbie Ford died and two
weeks later people were going on with
their lives, which is always so bizarre,
right? When we lose someone we love, we
think the whole world should stop for a
long period of time. I've thought that
about my father. I thought that about my
cat when Michael and I lost
Poupon. And I can say that in the last
three years I've lost a lot of people in
my life,
a lot of very important people in my
life. And it has me questioning
everything still, Jess. And I would say
that the real thing to think about is
how do I live with the questions? How do
I allow myself to be with the
questioning? Questions like: What really
matters? Why am I here? What's the point
to all of this? Where do we go when we die?
What is consciousness? Does consciousness
live beyond the physical body? What do I
believe in? Do I believe in God today the
same way I believed in God
20 years ago? 40 years ago? 50 years ago?
Who is God to me now? These are all the
kinds of questions, Jess, that come to the
surface, the existential questions that
come to the surface when we start
experiencing death more frequently in
our lives. These are the questions we're
supposed to be asking. And as we
get older we ask them more, we explore
them more. Think of yourself as a
spiritual adventurer and you are going to
live with these questions. You're going to
mull them over. You're going to read
different books. You're going to gain
different perspectives. You're going to
write about it in your journal.
You're going to talk about it with other
people. You know, so much of the
interactions we have with each other is
superficial bullshit and most of us are
longing for deeper conversations about
those kinds of questions. And so just who
are the people in your life that you can,
who are the people in your life you can bat around
those questions with. And if you don't
have anybody, start to look for people. I
bet there are people right here in this
community right now who would love to
spend time with you batting around those
questions. And if that's the case, you
know for those of you, Jess Gie, G-i-e, she's a
top fan. You can all go in and comment on
her post here and let her know. Maybe you
all can connect with one another and get
on the phone. These are the
questions that we explore at the retreats
that I hold twice a year, the Self-Care
by-the-Sea retreats. They really are, I
mean, every retreat is different. People
come together and we explore: Where are
people stuck in their lives? What are the
bigger questions we should be asking?
What's the deeper meaning we're looking
for? What do we want out of our
lives and how does that change as we age?
How do we make friends with aging? How do
we cultivate the wisdom that will carry
us through the losses that we experience?
These are all the things that we
actually want to be exploring, these big
existential conversations that actually
make life rich and important and
meaningful and fulfilling and satisfying.
So it's okay to be lost, sweetheart. I'm
lost right now. I feel lost in my life. I
felt lost for the last several years. And
then some days I wake up and I find
myself. Then I feel lost again and I
think: Great! I'm on another adventure now.
What don't I know? Who don't I know? What
haven't I seen? What haven't I experienced?
I will be in the middle of the forest of
nothingness and trust that if I stay
open and curious and
awake and aware and present to my life.
The home, what we're
always looking for most of all, Jess, is
the home that exists within us wherever
we go. And if you stay with the questions
and you stay with the wondering and you
stay with the experience of not knowing
that's how you build that deep
connection to yourself on the inside.
That's how you build a deep connection
to yourself as a soul. Because that's what
you are in a physical body, that's what
we all are in a physical body. Anyway,
all right my dears. Thank you so much for
being here with me today. It's good to be
back with all of you. I appreciate you
spending your time with me, I really do.
And remember, go back if you
all want to have some good conversation
with Jess, go back and find her here.
Comment on her post. And I'll look
forward to being with you all next time,
hopefully next week I think it will be.
So in the meantime take really good care
of yourselves, okay? Be extra special to
yourselves. Have good experiences and
I'll talk to you soon. Lots of love. Bye.
