This video provides general information about the characteristics of abuse and the resources available
to help you.
If you feel that you are experiencing, or have experienced abuse we encourage you to access these
resources
when it is safe to do so. If you want to learn about these resources, please scroll to 6:15 time in the video
These videos were specifically designed for people in Virginia who are d/Deaf, hard of hearing, or DeafBlind
and who use American Sign Language to communicate.
What Are Relationships?
There are many different types of relationships. For example, we can have relationships with sexual partners,
or people we are in romantic or intimate relationships with.
We have relationships with family, neighbors, caregivers, and support providers, doctors, or other people we have
regular contact with. We also have relationships with people that we work with. We can experience abuse
from people we have relationships with, or people who we do not know very well or have never met before.
What Are Our Rights In Relationships?
Everyone has rights. A right is something that we are all entitled to and should not be taken away from us.
For example, in America we have the right to own private property like our land and we have the right to vote.
We also have rights related to how other people treat us. These rights are the right to be safe, the right to say no,
and the right to be happy. These rights must be respected by everyone, including our family, friends,
caregivers, significant others, and even strangers. When people respect our rights we feel safe and happy.
We feel respected and there is a balance of power.
What are the characteristics of abuse?
Abuse involves someone hurting you and not respecting your rights. There are different ways that people
can hurt you: through their language like calling you names, or through their body by hitting you
or unwanted touching. People may also hurt you by not taking care of your medical or physical needs by,
for example, hiding assistive devices. They may hurt you by taking your money, or not letting you see your friends.
There can be a lack of balance or power, when one person makes all of the decisions and leaves the other
person out of them. Someone may do something to threaten you, or do something that makes you feel
scared or uncomfortable. Sometimes people may stalk you, which means following you or contacting you when
you do not want to be contacted.
Sometimes people may force you to do things you don’t want to do and sometimes make you promise
to keep a secret. They might say, “This is our secret, don’t tell anyone.”
There should be no secrets about something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
People may force you to do things and sometimes make you feel guilty about something.
They might say, “You made me do this because you wanted me to” or “You like the attention I give you.”
People may force you to do things by threatening to hurt you. They might say,
“If you tell anyone, I’ll hurt you or someone you know.”
People may force you to do things by promising gifts or money. They might say, “I’ll give you some money
if you have sex with me.” They might say, “I’ll buy you new clothes if you let me be close to your body.”
Sometimes bad things happen, such as rape.
When you experience abuse, you might feel confused,
scared, or alone. When you experience abuse, you may feel unsafe or feel that there is no trust or respect.
Most people who experience abuse don’t plan for abuse to happen, and for some it becomes a habit.
It usually escalates slowly and you are made to believe that other choices
(like leaving, or finding another caregiver) are not available.
Community Resources for People Experiencing Abuse
If you think that you have experienced abuse, help is available.
It is not your fault and you deserve to be treated better. If you are in immediate danger, you can call 9-1-1
There are a variety of other resources that you can access in Virginia, such as the state hotline.
There is also a national resource that has been created specifically for people who are deaf,
hard of hearing, DeafBlind.
Some of those state resources are....
Virginia Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (VSADVAA)
The Virginia Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Action Alliance has a hotline that you can call.
The Action Alliance can also help you develop a safety plan. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan
that includes ways to remain safe if you are experiencing abuse, planning to leave, or after you leave.
Their services are free, confidential and available 24 hours a day 365 days a year.
Their website is
Their statewide hotline number is
Chat (confidential instant messaging by visiting their website)
With mobile/cell phone, you can text this number
National Resource for People Experiencing Abuse
The Deaf Hotline
The Deaf Hotline is for Deaf, DeafBlind, and DeafDisabled callers.
They have advocates available 24/7 for crisis intervention, education, information and referrals
They have live chat, video phone 24/7 (1-855-812-1001)
and Email: nationaldeafhotline@adwas.org
Website: https://thedeafhotline.org
Legal Resources for People Experiencing Abuse
What Is a Protective Order?
If someone is hurting you, or you feel like someone is trying to hurt you, help is available.
If you are afraid that someone will hurt you, you can ask the court to issue a protective order.
When you ask the court for a protective order, a judge will decide if you receive it
A protective order is a piece of paper that has been signed by a judge
that tells the person who is hurting you, or threatening to hurt you,
that he or she is not allowed to do that anymore.
The protective order could say that there should be no contact with you. No contact means that the person
cannot see you or communicate with you in any way (even through someone else).
The judge could say that there should be no further abuse, which means that the person who is hurting you
or threatening to hurt you cannot do that anymore.
If the person who you want protection from does not obey the order,
they may face additional legal consequences.
Protective orders can last anywhere from 3 days up to 2 years,
depending on the type of protective order, and can be extended for longer.
How Do I Ask for a Protective Order?
If you think a protective order will help you, you will first need to file paperwork.
It does not cost anything to file the paperwork.
However, you may want to talk to a lawyer if you have questions about your situation
or the process to file for a protective order. The lawyer might cost money.
Where you file the paperwork depends on who is abusing you.
There are two types of protective orders.
You should ask for a family abuse protective order if the person who is abusing you
is a family or household member.
You should submit a request for this type of order to your Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court.
You should ask for a non-family abuse protective order if the person who is abusing you
is not a family or household member. You should submit a request for this type of order to your
General District Court.
Once you’ve filed the paperwork at the court, you will need to stand before a judge
and share your story. It is very important for the judge to understand how the person abused you, hurt you, or
threatened to hurt you. You do not have to be afraid or embarrassed to tell the judge anything.
If the person who hurt you or threatened to hurt you took away something you need, broke
something you need, or did not let you do something that you have a right to do,
it is important to tell the judge;
so that the judge can write very specific warnings in your protective order.
It is important that you tell the judge exactly how the person hurt you, especially if it has something
to do with your disability.
When you stand before a judge to share your story, the person who hurt you and you asked
for protection from may be present. If you have a disability and need help during the hearing,
like an interpreter or translator, make sure to contact the court and let them know that
you need this before you go to court.
In Virginia, protective orders give you protection
from the person who is hurting you for different amounts of time.
Once you have a Family Abuse Protective Order or a Non-Family Abuse Protective Order,
the paperwork will say how long the protective order will last. You are only protected from the person
who is hurting you or threatening to hurt you for the amount of time stated on your protective order.
There are three different types of protective orders that last for different amounts of time:
Emergency Protective Orders which typically last three business days,
Preliminary Protective Orders which typically last 15 days,
and Protective Orders which typically last up to two years and can be extended.
Sometimes, they call the last one “full” Protective Orders.
Asking for one type does not mean you are asking for all three.
You must ask separately for each one of these protective orders, which means you may need to go to
court different times.
You can get more information about a protective order and the necessary paperwork here:
http://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/judpln/programs/afapo/home.html
If you want to review and prepare the information requested in the paperwork, you can do this online
using the I-CAN modules, located at the website just listed, or via the I-CAN! work stations
located at some courthouses. Please note that information entered on the I-CAN! website
or work stations is not sent to the court, so you will have to bring them to court yourself.
Funding for this project/product was supported, in part, by the Virginia Board for People with Disabilities,
under grant number 1801VABSDD, from the U.S. Administration for Community Living (ACL),
Department of Health and Human Services, Washington, D.C. 20201.
Grantees undertaking projects with government sponsorship are encouraged to express freely their findings and conclusions.
Points of view or opinions do not, therefore, necessarily represent official ACL policy.
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