

**AMANDA MARTIN**

TWO-HUNDRED STEPS HOME

VOLUME THREE

Amanda Martin was born in Hertfordshire in 1976. After graduating with first class honours from Leeds University she wandered around the world trying to find her place in it. She tried various roles, in England and New Zealand, including Bar Manager, Marketing Manager, Consultant and Artist, before deciding that Writer/Mummy best summed her up. She lives in Northamptonshire with her husband, two children and labradoodle Kara and can mostly be found at http://writermummy.wordpress.com or on Twitter or Facebook.

_Two-Hundred Steps Home_ is her latest work. Amanda is writing the novel in daily instalments on her WriterMummy blog as part of her 2013 365 post-a-day challenge. This ebook is Volume 3 and contains the 31 instalments from March. Download Volumes One and Two here.
COPYRIGHT

Published by 3AD Publishing at Smashwords

Copyright © Amanda Martin 2013

Amanda Martin asserts the moral right to be  
identified as the author of this work

Also by Amanda Martin:

Two-Hundred Steps Home: The Complete Journey

Dragon Wraiths

Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes

This novel is entirely a work of fiction although based loosely on the YHA Hostels of England and Wales. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

http://www.amanda-martin.co.uk

http://writermummy.wordpress.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title

Copyright

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty-One

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Three

Twenty-Four

Twenty-Five

Twenty-Six

Twenty-Seven

Twenty-Eight

Twenty-Nine

Thirty

Thirty-One

Follow the Blog
**ONE**

Claire peered through the windscreen at the blue sign and swore. It was time to edge her way between the rows of traffic, to change lane and leave the motorway. Gritting her teeth Claire tried to see her mirrors through the lashing rain and cursed when she realised the wake of a passing lorry had pushed them out of position. She muttered a quick prayer and squeezed between two dirt-encrusted HGVs, wincing at the sound of horns as the rear one was forced to apply his brakes.

Her hands were shaking by the time she reached the exit and her temples ached. _I've only been gone a couple of weeks. How can you forget how to drive like a normal human being in that time? Stupid car. I'd have been fine in my Audi._

She drove the familiar route into the city, relieved that the rain was beginning to stop. Even at midday the sky was dark, casting a gloomy light across the buildings and cars around her. Landmarks loaded with memories whisked past the window like luggage on a carousel. She exhaled _. Not really the homecoming of the prodigal Marketing Director_.

"Why the sigh?"

Claire looked at her passenger and gave a small shrug. "I didn't think I'd be back so soon. Well, actually I did, but I thought it would be because Carl had changed his mind about trying to sack me or because I was booked on a flight to the Maldives, or..." She stopped.

Josh raised an eyebrow but she didn't accept his invitation to elaborate. She wasn't the one with explanations owing.

As the rain eased Claire was able to take some of her attention from staying on the road and apply it to the prickly problem sitting in her passenger seat.

"So, when are you going to tell me what this is really all about?"

Claire threw the words out there knowing they would fall on sterile soil. She'd tried to prise information out of Josh the night before, without success. Instead he'd introduced himself to Maggie and retreated back behind the backpacker persona. It had been the same at breakfast and during the two-hour rain-drenched journey to Manchester.

"Tell me why I am ferrying your arse to the airport to meet your wife when you won't give me a damn thing."

Josh hitched up his cheekiest smile and fluttered his eyelashes. "Because I'm a handsome Aussie bloke and you're a swell Sheila who can't resist me."

Claire fought the grin but it crept across her face in betrayal.

"Ah ha see! No chick can withstand my charm."

"And how are you going to explain that to Fiona?" Claire pictured their near kiss at the Observatory, thought about Beth and Chloe, and the anger returned.

"Your poor wife", she bit out the words. "And children, I'm sure you mentioned children before you invoked your own Official Secrets Act."

The smile dissolved from Josh's face. Claire thought he was going to defend himself but he turned to look out the window. As she negotiated the busy streets into her home town she tried to ignore the growing tension. _Do I push it or let him explain in his own time?_

Angry words bubbled beneath the surface as she recalled the events of the previous evening. Josh's highhanded summons, his shock revelation. Finding out he had kids after his avowed dislike of ankle-biters. _Forgot to mention he had some of his own._ Finding out he was married. _What about all the women he's come on to,_ _for Christ's sake, and done lord-knows-what with? What about me? How am I meant to face his wife at the airport? Just because nothing happened. It might have done. If he'd tried again._ Which he hadn't. Now she thought about it she had never actually seen Josh embracing anyone.

"You'll have to talk to me eventually. You asked me to help you create a believable story for Fiona. I can't do that if I don't know the plot, or the key characters and their motivations." She let her words hang in the air as she followed her Sat Nav to the hostel. She passed bars and shops that beamed like pictures in a family album.

I'm not here. No one can know I'm here.

Claire averted her eyes and gripped the wheel until her knuckles went white. A stab of sunlight broke through the clouds as she turned the car into a wide street bordered by three-story Georgian houses. Something sparkled ahead and Claire looked up to see the looming monstrosity of the Hilton Tower dominating the skyline. She was glad when the Sat Nav sent her right, down a cobbled street, and she spied the green triangle of the YHA.

Pulling into a parking space she cut the engine and sat with her hands resting on the steering wheel, waiting to see if Josh would say anything before they left the private cocoon of the car to join the cacophony of a busy city hostel.

She was about to open her door and get out when she heard Josh inhale and sensed he was about to break the silence.

His words fell between them like rocks.

"I don't want to tell you. How can I?" The sharp edges of his voice rent the air. "How will you ever remain friends with me when I tell you I killed someone? I killed a child."

***

**TWO**

The Skoda closed in around Claire like a coffin. She looked out across the damp, grey Castlefield car park and wondered how far she could run before he caught her. _This has gone from Miss Marple to bloomin Diagnose Murder._ Her brain screamed _Get out of the car before you're next_. Her body remained stubbornly glued to the plastic seat, all control over her muscles gone. Josh sat mute and still, the echo from his words still reverberating round them.

Claire inhaled slowly, filling her lungs with the scent of smoke and fear. It calmed the racing thoughts and brought her logic to the fore. _Killed a child. Not murdered a child. An accident. Maybe he ran a child over or something. It doesn't make him a bad person._

She wanted to ask but was afraid to hear the answers. She forced her head to turn and face him and the sight of his slumped body, of the tears dribbling down his stubbled cheek, drove everything but sympathy from her mind.

"Tell me."

The words made them both jump; her voice sounded impossibly loud in the silence.

Josh began to speak, slowly at first, then faster and faster as the pent-up words rushed forth like a burst riverbank.

"It was a patient. A child. The same age as my eldest. The young children are the hardest. They're so accepting of their fate. So cheerful. Uncrushable." He paused as if trying to decide where to start. "I missed something. I should have ordered a test and I didn't. I was cocky, I was sure. My Registrar overruled me and ordered the test but it was too late."

Claire felt her stomach twist and her breathing speed up. She forced herself to listen without comment.

"The parents were so.... nice. Accepting. They're worse than the ones that rail and rant. They thanked me. _Thanked_ me. For doing everything I could to save their child. But I didn't. I failed them. I missed something." He ran his hand through his hair and sighed loudly. "There's this fear, when you're a doctor. It keeps you awake at night. _Did I do something wrong? Have I done everything I can?_ It's good. It keeps you on your toes, keeps you focussed. But I'd lost the fear. We had a new baby at home and there wasn't much sleep."

_How many kids has he got_ , Claire thought but pushed the irrelevance aside.

"I was trying to help Fiona, trying to be a good father. Sick kids just make me want to hold mine tightly and never let go. But I keep thinking, was my judgement impaired? The inquest cleared me but, in my heart, eating me up like the cancer that killed that child, I'm to blame."

"But if they cleared you?"

Josh turned suddenly, his skin mottled and red. He leant towards her and shouted, the words raking at her like claws. "You don't get it. _I_ blame me. Every night I see that tiny face, those enormous eyes gazing into mine. The mother looking to me for answers, certain she would find them. And I failed them. I let their child die." He slumped back into the car seat and dropped his head into his hands. His words were muffled. "I had to leave. I couldn't look at my own children any more. I don't deserve them."

Emotions swam around Claire like darting fish. Gut-wrenching sympathy, confusion, panic at Josh's outburst. Mostly she felt sorrow. Sadness for Josh and his pain. Distress for the family who lost their child. Grief at her own insignificant meaningless life. _How could I ever stress about clients and deadlines, about Carl and getting sacked? It was all pointless. No one will die if I don't do a good job._

She reached across and stroked the side of Josh's hand, unable to find any words of comfort that wouldn't sound paltry and pathetic. She wanted to tell him he would always be one of the good guys. That working to save lives, even if he didn't always succeed, was a noble thing. That Fiona was lucky to have him for a husband and his children needed their Daddy back. Her throat remained closed and all she could do was send silent support.

She thought about Fiona, left with at least two children to care for, wondering where her husband was. Getting on a plane to fly half way round the world, just her and the children. _And I worry about taking Sky in a hostel for a week. Honestly girl, you're pitiful._

Claire dredged her mind for the right words. Her job was all about finding the right phrase but her mind remained blank. In the end there was only one thing to say.

"Let's go get drunk."

***

THREE

Claire squinted at the overly-bright lights and cursed her stupidity for the twentieth time.

"Remind me again why we spent twelve hours drinking cocktails?"

Josh muttered through closed lips, "'Cos you were trying to cheer me up? Or help me forget or something?"

"Did it work?" Claire scanned the Arrivals board and tried to ignore how the room span as she tilted her head upwards.

"I've forgotten most of last night, if that's any good."

"Not exactly. Have you figured out what you're going to say?"

Josh shook his head then clutched at Claire's arm and groaned. "Dunno. Did we talk about it? You were going to help me."

"We talked a load of bollocks, I remember that much. Until happy hour at The Liar's Club. Then it all goes hazy."

Josh emitted a wet gurgling sound and Claire wondered if he was being sick. Then she realised he was laughing through his teeth. "I can't believe you took me somewhere called the Liar's Club. You're one mean chick."

"At least you're laughing, even if you do sound like a blocked drain. They serve the best cocktails, that's all."

"I remember buckets of rum. And that Sheila you said was a fella. Looked like a chick to me."

"You were too pissed to notice more than a magnificent pair. I distinctly remember an adam's apple bobbing where it shouldn't have been. Besides, chatting up anyone, male or female, the night before your wife and kids arrive is not a great plan in anyone's book."

Josh threw Claire a look that was part reproach, part remorse. His already pale face turned a shade greyer and he looked around the crowded hall. "Think I'm gonna chunder. Where are the gents?"

Claire quickly scanned the room and spotted the sign. She dragged Josh towards it, urging him not to redecorate the polished white floor. She could feel Josh shaking as she tugged on his arm and his face was becoming so pale it was translucent.

I wonder how much is hangover and how much is nerves. Maybe getting drunk was a bad idea. After twenty-four hours of flying the last thing Fiona needs is a husband giving off Brewery-Fumes. At least he's clean and shaven.

She'd insisted on Josh making himself presentable before they left for the airport. Claire felt guilty enough about the hangover, although she had to admit the marching band doing drill practice in her head was happily drowning out thoughts of the imminent reunion and her part in it.

Josh emerged from the toilet looking sweaty and drained but his eyes appeared less wild. When he spoke his voice was clearer. "Can we swing by the duty free? I think a spritz of aftershave might not be a bad idea." Claire nodded and handed him a pack of mints and a bottle of water.

Claire stared at the gates and willed her stomach to behave. The tightening knots seemed to be causing the blood to pulse round her body in rapid and panicked bursts. She could feel her hands trembling and wished she could sit down. They had positioned themselves in view of the gate but far enough away that Claire could remain unseen once Fiona came through. She glanced to her left to see how Josh was holding up. He had stopped pacing and was standing with his arms tightly wrapped around his midriff, staring without blinking at the exit.

As Claire watched, his eyes dilated and his face grew rigid. Claire turned to see a woman come through the gates with a baby on her hip, pushing a trolley with her free hand. Two small children gripped the trolley, one either side. The woman looked tired but still very beautiful, with her dark chestnut hair brushed and hanging round her face. She scanned the waiting crowd in a continuous sweep until she saw Josh. Her mouth opened as if in greeting, then she continued to push the trolley towards him, not rushing or showing any other emotion.

Claire watched the woman approach and felt as if she was gazing in a mirror. _Oh God. That's why he tried to kiss me. I'm the image of his bloody wife. Charming._

Josh took one step towards Fiona then paused, his arms dropping to his sides. Claire drew back into the café behind her and prayed for invisibility. The children both saw Josh at the same time and let go of the trolley.

"Daddy, Daddy!" the eldest cried out as he ran towards Josh. He threw his arms around Josh's legs. The younger child ran to her mother and hid behind her skirt. Claire could hear the grief-drenched cries of a distressed toddler.

_Poor Josh._ Claire saw tears streaming down his face. _Please let his wife give him a better welcome._

Fiona came to stand in front of Josh and there was a pause as their eyes met. Then Josh leapt forwards and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. Claire could see his shoulders heaving with sobs. The child on Fiona's hip started to mew like an injured cat and Claire realised the baby probably had no idea this man was her Daddy.

Claire was about to leave when Fiona looked over Josh's shoulder and saw her watching. Her eyes widened with shock and what could only be anger. Claire could almost read her thoughts as she tried to work out who Claire was and what role she had played in her husband's disappearance. Claire tried to communicate the truth: that she and Josh barely knew each other but would count themselves friends for life. That Josh needed his wife. That Claire felt a cavernous hole widening in her chest at the sight of their love.

She looked around for something to write on and spotted a napkin. Borrowing a pen off a man doing the crossword, Claire scribbled some words on the white square.

Josh loves you. Nothing happened between us or with any other woman. He's hurting: he blames himself for the child's death. Forgive him, help him forgive himself.

Claire

Looking at the swirling crowd of people, Claire tried to decide if she was brave enough to take the note over herself. _What else to do with it? If this were a Victorian Novel I could give an urchin a shiny coin to deliver it for me._ Her searching gaze caught sight of a familiar face and, with a jolt, the answer came to her. She hurried over, thanking the Universe for offering her a random event on this awful day.

"Charlie? Are you waiting for someone?"

"Why hello Miss Carleton. You here on business?"

Claire glanced down at her crumpled shirt and jeans and laughed. "Thankfully not. Just here to pick up a friend, only I've received an urgent call and I need to leave. Are you heading back into the city when you've collected your client?"

"I'll be heading back on me tod, Miss; they haven't turned up. I didn't get no call but it seems they missed their flight."

Claire beamed and thought the Universe really did come good sometimes.

"If I was to offer you beer money, could you take some good friends of mine anywhere they need to go?" She shone her widest smile at the driver.

He laughed. "For you? Of course."

Claire fished in her purse for some money and handed it to Charlie. She gave him the note, praying he wouldn't comment on the napkin it was written on. He merely took it, folded it once, and smiled a toothy smile. She pointed out Josh and Fiona, then thought of something.

"Damn. I don't suppose you have car seats, do you?"

"As it happens I do, Miss. Two, at least. The lad'll have to sit on a bag."

"Charlie, you're an angel." She pecked him on the cheek, took one last look at the family tightly hugged together, then turned and strode away.

***

FOUR

Claire paced through the milling crowd of passengers and tearful family members without registering them. At the back of her mind a nagging sense of loss itched like nettle rash. She patted her pockets for the fifth time, convinced she must have left her phone or keys in the café.

"Claire?"

The sound trickled through the hubbub of noise and brushed at Claire's cheek. She half turned her head then carried on walking.

Even the memories are taunting me now. Thanks guys, impeccable timing.

"Claire Carleton?"

Stronger this time; more stream than trickling brook. It cut through the swaying trees of strangers and curled around her feet. Her heart stopped and her body followed suit, frozen in place by an impossible sound.

Not impossible though. Not even unexpected. He practically lived in this place when he wasn't at mine.

Glacier-slow, Claire twisted her head to locate the source of the sound without giving away that she'd heard. Except of course her body had betrayed her by standing still. Stillness gave you away in a place of perpetual motion and Michael was by her side before she'd even had a chance to locate the direction of his voice.

"It is you."

He stood too near for comfort but too far for touching. His hands hung loosely as if they had already reached out for an embrace and been repulsed.

Claire kept her head low, allowing a wall of hair to shield her. She could tell Michael was itching to reach forward and brush it behind her ear as he always did: to laugh as he always did when it fell forward again with the irresistible pull of gravity.

His breathing was fast, as if he had run across the Arrivals hall to catch her. A hurrying man with a case on wheels and a laptop bag pushed between them, oblivious to the tight cord his movement had severed. The wave of his passing swirled the scent of Eternity round Claire, weakening the joints of her knees and making her tummy wobble.

They smiled then, sharing a moment of humour at the severance of their precious moment. As always, his smile jolted her heart and warmed her skin like summer sun.

Oh Michael. Damn you for being here. Now. When I desperately need a hug.

She raised a foot to step towards him, reached a hand to clasp his arm and lean in for a continental greeting. Another voice called out; spewing forth like a burst pipe.

"Michael? Where are you? We're going to miss our train. Oh..." The voice approached and stopped short of where Michael and Claire stood face to face.

"Claire. How lovely to see you. Michael said you were in the Outer Hebrides or something." The clipped tones could cut glass. Or hearts.

Claire heard only half the sentence: the remainder was drowned out by the roar of blood in her ears. She felt it rushing to her face, heating the skin until it glowed like blacksmith's steel.

Michael's face drained of colour in response, as if she now had all his red hue too. He opened his mouth to speak but Claire raised a hand to fend off his words. She blinked at the tears welling in betrayal and spun herself round before he could witness them.

As she stalked away she heard Debbie's strident tones curling after her.

"How rude. She never did have much grace."

Claire broke into a run, not caring who saw, the need to escape stronger than her sense of pride.

***

**FIVE**

"Just yerself is it?"

Claire nodded without raising her head.

"Dorm or private room luv? We've got a single room as it happens. Some lass rang in a cancellation this morning."

Claire paused, pen hovering over the form, then resumed writing. "Dorm is fine, assuming you have single-sex?" _I think I've had my fill of men this month._

The man behind the counter tapped at his computer and assured her they did. "Staying long in Glossop?"

"Oh no, just tonight thanks."

The man nodded knowledgeably. "Pennine Way?"

His words drew a reluctant smile. "No, I managed one leg, up at the finish. That was enough for me. I'm heading south to collect my niece."

She didn't add that she intended to pick off as many Derbyshire hostels as possible en-route or that her primary concern was to get away from Manchester. After leaving the Airport she hadn't returned to the city, despite having several hours to kill before she could check into the Crowden Hostel. Instead she'd taken a detour to a hotel outside Hyde that her iPhone informed her boasted a Starbucks. It turned out the hotel also had full leisure facilities and empty rooms. It was only by imagining the look of smug satisfaction on Carl's face if he ever found out that she stopped herself checking in for the night.

"We're the first leg, you could always do that and say you'd started and finished. No need to talk of the middle." The receptionist gave Claire a wink and a grin. She frowned while she tried to remember what they were talking about, then grinned back. _A cheater's version of the Pennine Way. That's my kind of thinking._

"I might just do that, if I can get it done tomorrow and still move on Edale."

"Yer heading to Edale? Well that's the start right enough. Walk from here to there and you'll be done."

"Walk with my pack? And what about the car? No thanks. Maybe I'll wait until I'm in Edale and stroll up the first few miles. That should be plenty."

"You'll be spoilt for choice at Edale: Kinder Scout, Mam Tor. You won't want to leave."

"Believe me, one night and I'll be off. I need to be in Cambridgeshire by next week."

If the receptionist thought Claire's plans strange he didn't let on. She was about to leave for her room when he stopped her.

"Make sure you pop by Holmfirth while you're with us. It's where they filmed _Last of the Summer Wine._ Though I suppose you're too young to remember it?"

Blimey, that takes me back. Uncle Jim must have watched every episode and rerun. Perhaps I will take a look, put something on the blog. It might make Uncle Jim smile wherever he is.

"I will. Thank you." Claire dug out her brightest smile for the helpful man and pulled her rucksack up onto her back. She felt a decade older than she had twenty-four hours earlier. As she bent over to counter-balance the heavy bag, Claire thought she must look at least ninety.

_Nora Batty eat your heart out. All I'm missing is the wrinkly stockings._ She shuddered at the thought. _At least it hasn't come to that._

Dragging her lead-filled shoes towards the stairs, Claire tried not to pine for the Leisure Hotel with the Starbucks on-site.

It's just the hangover wiping me out. I need to feed it carbs and water, that's all. And then sleep.

***

SIX

Claire huddled into the corner of the sofa and pushed her headphones deeper into her ears as a burst of laughter swirled around the room. Even the strident tones of the _Red Hot Chili Peppers_ couldn't drown out the excited chatter of forty teenagers; or at least the ones not plugged into iPhones, game machines and MP3 players.

In my day we played cards on school trips, or wrote postcards home. Or snogged in the corner. Well, not me, obviously.

She remembered the heavy plastic personal stereo she had owned as a child. The batteries would last one CD, maybe two if she was lucky and didn't skip to her favourite song too often. For photos it was a 36-exp film with each photo chosen and taken with care. Next to her on the sofa two girls were giggling over pictures on their smartphones. Judging by how long they'd been doing it they must have taken at least a hundred shots.

I think I'd prefer it if they were all snogging. At least it would be quieter and I could write my post in peace. Isn't there meant to be a games room in this place? Why aren't they all down there drinking illicit booze and having crafty fags out the window?

Now she thought about it they all looked far too keen and healthy for hormone-stuffed adolescents, as if they'd rather be dangling from a cliff face than swigging cider out of a 2-litre plastic bottle.

God I feel old.

Claire arched her back like a cat and shifted position. She cursed as her calf tightened and cramped. Twisting awkwardly to free her leg Claire leant forwards and pulled on her foot to stretch out the offending muscle. Her skin prickled as she sensed someone watching her. She looked up and her gaze jolted against the lake-blue eyes of a handsome lad of fifteen or sixteen. He seemed to be scrutinizing a point just below her chin. Claire looked down and realised the boy was staring straight down her cleavage.

Cheeky git. I'm practically old enough to be his mother.

The thought settled in her mind like silt, muddying her tranquil mood.

Oh crap, now I really do feel old.

She glared at the lad who merely chuckled and carried on ogling. Conscious of the heat flooding her cheeks Claire raised an eyebrow in censure then, with a calmness she didn't feel, turned to gaze out the picture-window at the scenery. It was a magnificent view, framed by a multi-pane window with an arch at the centre. Apparently she could see Mam Tor, whatever that was. Certainly she could see distance and the hills pulled her mind free of the bustling room.

It had been a good day. She'd stopped by Holmfirth after leaving the hostel early, spending a nostalgic hour wandering through scenes from _Last of the Summer Wine_ and remembering Sunday afternoons with Uncle Jim laughing loudly from his beaten-up leather chair. After that she drove to Edale hostel, tucked in at the foot of Kinder Scout. The woman who checked her in had convinced her to walk to the top.

_When will I learn?_ Claire massaged her tight muscles and pulled her face down in a frown. It belied the sensation in her chest, which was closer to happiness than irritation. She tried to analyse the feeling, wondering where happy might have come from after the emotion of the week.

Maybe that's it. It was nice to spend a day by myself. No one to wind me up or give me grief; no one judging me. Just me and a stupid hill, a few blisters and the wide blue sky.

Claire gave up writing her post. She slid the iPad down the sofa next to her and flicked the music onto something more soothing. Eyes closed against the late sun coming through the window she settled into her seat and drifted away.

***

SEVEN

Claire woke from her snooze to find the lounge empty. The sun had dipped below the horizon and the sky shone pink and orange, like a child's painting. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and prayed she hadn't been snoring or sleeping with her mouth open.

I wouldn't trust those kids not to put a spider in my mouth or something.

She shuddered and swigged some water from the bottle by her feet. A hollowness in her tummy informed her that it was dinnertime.

Bugger that. Nothing would entice me into the dining room if that's where all the kids have gone. I'd rather drive back to Manchester for a McDonalds.

She could feel something digging into her hip and discovered her iPad was still stuffed down the side of the sofa. Pulling it out Claire groaned as she realised she hadn't posted her daily blog update.

Better write something, even if no one is reading it.

She swiped the screen and loaded up her blog page. There was a flashing star in the corner and Claire clicked it, not knowing what it meant.

"Pingback? What the hell is that?" Her voice echoed in the empty lounge.

"It means someone's mentioned your blog on theirs and linked with a URL."

Claire dropped her iPad at the sound of the unexpected voice. Craning her neck she realised someone was curled up behind her reading a book. She could just make out a shock of purple hair in the gathering gloom.

"Jesus, you scared the hell out of me. Shouldn't you be eating dinner with the others or something?"

"I've been sick so they're letting me off dinner. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump."

"That's okay. Thanks for the info." Claire tried to work out if it would be rude to end their conversation there. The youth - she wasn't completely certain if it was a boy or a girl - flashed her a smile then dropped their head back down to the book.

Claire returned to her blog to see who had pinged her or whatever the accepted verb was. _The Travelling Doctor. Who is that?_ A twisting sensation in her gut that had nothing to do with hunger told her exactly who it was but she clicked on the link anyway to be sure.

The Travelling Doctor has a confession to make. My recent posts from Christie Hospital Manchester were, shall we say, slightly fictitious. I made an error of judgement shortly before I left Adelaide. A tragic, irreversible mistake that cost a small boy his life. I was cleared of wrongdoing but in my mind I was guilty. And I did the worst possible thing.

I ran away.

I left my beautiful wife and children and ran off with my tail tucked under to lick my wounds like a crook dingo. My return to sanity came at the hands of a crazy chick called Claire. She's also running, although she never told me what from. Or who. She's conquering her fears too, thanks to a wicked work assignment that has her visiting each of the Pommy YHA hostels inside a year. She also has to get up to high-adrenalin hijinks to build up her following.

Well I watched this plucky Sheila, who is afraid of heights, abseil a 50ft waterfall. She swore like a fisherman but, still, it doesn't get braver than that. Except maybe swinging through trees at Go Ape by herself.

Anyway, please spread the word faithful followers. If it wasn't for Claire and her trusty Skoda I'd still be running. Without her friendship and support I wouldn't have gone back to my wife and asked for forgiveness. The least I can do is tell people about her long journey, Two-Hundred Steps Home.

Claire stopped reading and put her hands against her burning cheeks, glad the kid behind her was out of view. She browsed through the rest of Josh's site. There were only a few posts written as if from Christie Hospital and they were pretty vague. Before that there were posts from all over Australia and other parts of the world. He'd worked in India and Europe, New Zealand and South Africa, where he apparently met his wife in a hospital there.

Blimey. I wish I'd known. What an amazing life. How has he crammed it all in? I've barely left the UK and then only for beach holidays or business trips where the most I saw was the inside of a taxi.

Claire clicked back over to her site and thought she'd made a mistake. Her visitor chart had a spike like Cleopatra's Needle and her followers had increased by two dozen. _Wow. It must still be the middle of the night in Australia. What gives?_

She clicked back to Josh's blog and looked to see how many followers he had.

Nine-hundred-and-twenty-seven? What? How do you get nearly a thousand followers?

As Claire watched, her visitor stats climbed and she gained a handful of new followers.

Crap. Now I'm going to have to start writing something interesting.

***

EIGHT

Claire looked through the list she had compiled of possible things to do before checking in at Bretton Hostel and made notes against each one.

_1._ _Eyam_ _Village. Place that sacrificed itself to slow the spread of the plague. Might be a tad depressing, particularly as rain seems to have washed all colour from the world and flushed it down the drain._

_2._ _Bakewell_ _. Home of the pudding. Not exactly high-adrenalin stuff. Not sure Carl would approve (pudding sounds yummy)._

_3._ _Walk the Hope Valley_ _. Like the hope bit, but not the walking. I hate this rain, it seeps in your skin and soaks you from the inside out._

_4._ _Blue John Cavern_ _. Is at least indoors. Not sure it counts as high-adrenalin either unless it turns out I'm as scared of being underground as I am of being high up. Apparently lots of steps so might be able to have a pudding after._

Claire read through the list again and decided it had to be the cavern. She could feel the rain hammering against the window, feel it splattering her skin and sinking into her bones even through the glass. _This is proper Manchester rain. Who knew they got it in Derbyshire too, poor sods. I hope it's warm in the cavern._

"Well good afternoon everyone, thank you for coming to Blue John Cavern. I hope you've brought good shoes and sturdy knees. There are over two-hundred steps down and back up so if you're in poor health please let me know before we leave."

Claire tuned out the rest of the guide's introduction. _Two-Hundred Steps_ echoed in her brain. It was weird to hear someone say the name of her blog, even if that wasn't their meaning. _This was a good choice then: at least I have today's title sorted._

The guide beckoned them forwards and explained that he mined for semi-precious stones when he wasn't working as a guide. Claire looked around, half-expecting to see something sparkly stuck in the rock face. She was still looking behind her as she shuffled forwards and nearly slipped on the wet steps.

A surreptitious glance took in the rest of the group. A couple with a little girl. _Rather them than me. They're so going to be carrying her back up the two-hundred steps. Bugger that._ Next to them stood an older couple who, at first glance, Claire thought might be a bit old for such a physical tourist attraction. Then she spotted the well-worn-in hiking boots and the fleeces tied round their waists and she forced herself to revise that opinion. _Look at Maggie. She could easily walk me into the ground and come back for a second bash._ Claire looked around expecting to see more people and saw only one more couple, in their twenties, holding hands.

_I thought it'd be busier. I guess it must still be term time, and I suppose it is quite a lot of money to spend wandering round a hole in the ground. Still, it beats wandering round outside in what is basically a giant mist-shower with all the hot water gone._ Claire shivered and pulled her jacket tighter. As they descended deeper into the cave system she began to wish she, too, had an extra fleece tied round her waist.

They followed the guide in single file down a narrow corridor. The weight of the hillside pressed down on Claire's head. She wondered if she did in fact need to add claustrophobia to her list of new fears. Behind her, bodies pushed her forwards; preventing her legging it back to the car park. She was trying to decide whether to squeeze past the canoodling couple when the confined space opened into a large cavern.

Claire gazed around in confusion. _Where are the pointy things, stalawhatsits that they were always going on about at school?_ It looked more like a giant had sneezed inside a cathedral and sprayed every surface with multi-coloured snot. It was certainly cold enough to be a church.

She tuned into the guide's voice but he was rambling about the history of the cavern and the intricacies of mining, so she zoned out and looked at the people. The young couple were standing at the back, whispering to each other and giggling. The older couple stood either side of the guide, asking intelligent questions and turning occasionally to take a photograph. The little girl had both her parents running as she tried to get past barriers and fall down holes. Her infectious laugh echoed round the room, until it sounded like a whole preschool of kids.

And so it went on. Claire oohed at a giant petrified waterfall, ahhed at a rock balancing like a ballerina and eventually was rewarded with her stalactites and stalagmites. She glanced at her phone and tried to calculate how long they had been underground. The tour was meant to be an hour long and it felt as if they'd been below ground for twice that. Shocked to see it had only been forty minutes, Claire wrenched her attention back to the guide who seemed to be telling them something. Then the room went dark.

What the hell?

Claire froze, scared to move a muscle even though she knew she was nowhere near any kind of drop. Her heart thumped out a base beat that seemed to echo off the walls around her. Then the little girl began to wail and the guide turned the lights back on with an apologetic laugh.

Ha bloody ha.

By the time Claire had climbed up the steep, narrow stairway to the surface, pulling herself up by the handrail, she felt like she'd completed a tough spinning class and a 10km run. The mother with the little girl came behind her, having climbed the whole way up with the baby on her hip. She was still smiling.

I hate her. They must give you extra muscles in the delivery ward.

Claire blinked as she returned to the car park, even the low grey cloud seeming bright after the gloom of the Cavern. In her mind she jumbled words around, trying to work out how she was going to turn the trip into something entertaining enough for Josh's faithful followers.

In the interim, it's definitely time for cake.

***

NINE

"Ruth? It's Claire."

"Claire? Why are you calling: Is everything okay?" Her sister's voice rose in agitation. Claire buried herself deeper into the armchair, trying to ignore the heat in her cheeks and the defensive words bubbling up into her mouth. Besides, how could you defend the indefensible?

"I'm sorry. I've been a rubbish sister. I called to see how you are. I didn't want to phone so soon after the operation, in case you're resting, but I haven't been able to get hold of Mum. I was worried."

"Mum's here with me and you know Dad; he never answers the phone if he's by himself in case, God forbid, he might have to talk to one of us for more than a minute." Ruth chuckled then coughed. The sound made Claire shiver.

"You are okay though?"

"You mean apart from having a hole drilled in my skull and some of my brain removed?"

Her voice was hard to read. Claire felt goosebumps rise along her arms and huddled deeper into her jumper. _Maybe this was a bad idea_. She sat without responding, unable to find anything adequate to say.

"Sorry, Claire, I shouldn't joke. It's driving Mum nuts. You know how she is. She thinks I'm being unduly frivolous. What can you do but laugh though?"

Claire thought privately that she'd probably be curled in a corner sobbing and hoped no one ever had cause to find out.

"You're very brave. I'd be scared witless." The words were out before Claire could censor them and she immediately regretted her lack of control. Ruth didn't speak and Claire wondered if she was realising for the first time that she ought to be scared. Then her sister sighed; a low sound like a gust of wind on a deserted shore.

"Of course I'm scared. Terrified. And I'm not brave. I have to be strong for Sky. She doesn't really understand. All she knows is that Mummy is poorly and had to have her hair shaved off and that Nana is looking after both of us. It will be harder for her when I have the chemo and I'm properly sick."

Claire felt a lump in her throat and shook away the image of her sister with no hair. Somehow it brought home the reality of cancer more than any words had done. She tried to make her voice matter-of-fact when she spoke.

"That's why I'm calling. How do you feel about Sky coming travelling with me for the school holidays? Give you a chance to have some peace and quiet in the house. Well as much as you can with Mum fussing round."

"Travelling where? She doesn't have a passport."

Claire laughed. "The Fens can be a bit different but I don't recall needing a passport to go there."

"Oh. What's in the Fens? Isn't it just endless fields of flat nothingness?"

Claire had no idea. She hadn't thought that far. A glance at the YHA map had shown the nearest hostels to be around the east coast and she'd figured that small children liked the seaside. There were only a handful of hostels so they'd have to stay a few days in each or travel a bit further afield. It seemed hostellers were more interested in the Peaks and Lakes than the Fens.

"It's got sea and sand and space, what more do kids want?" Claire heard the doubt in her voice and hoped Ruth didn't notice.

She did.

"Are you sure you're going to cope with a small child for two weeks? Sky is quite... full-on you know. Besides, I'm not sure about her being away. She's only little."

"She stays with Mum and Dad doesn't she?"

"That's different. It's just down the road and she's used to them."

"I am her Auntie."

There was a pause and Claire smiled ruefully as she imagined the thoughts going through Ruth's mind. _I haven't been much of an Auntie up until now._ She decided to get the attack in before her sister did. "Look, I know I haven't spent as much time with Sky as I should have done. See this as my chance to make it up to her."

"Well. If you're sure. Have you booked? It'll be rammed. And the first weekend is a bank holiday: The whole world will be off work."

Claire felt a hollowness form in her stomach. She hadn't thought to book. So far she'd stayed in whichever hostel had space: the hostels had all been clustered together.

"I. Er. It'll be fine. Don't worry." She pulled out her iPad and opened a new note.

Book hostels for me and Sky ASAP.

_Otherwise we'll have to stay with Mum and Dad for Easter._ Claire remembered last Easter, when she had taken Michael to her parents' house for the long weekend. It had been a disaster.

They're going to remind me of that every minute. Bugger that.

"Leave it with me. It'll be fine." She repeated the words, as much for her own benefit as for Ruth's. Then she said her goodbyes, hung up the phone and pulled out her YHA guide. She began dialling immediately and prayed for a miracle.

***

TEN

Claire dumped her rucksack on a bottom bunk and went to stand at the bay window. There were bars in front of the glass, presumably to stop small children falling out. Claire opened the window wide and leaned out as far as she could. She was in the turret at the front of the hostel and the hillside dropped away, falling down to Eyam village. Weak rays of sun prodded through the heavy cloud and highlighted buildings beneath her. She turned and looked at the bunk where her rucksack lay, conscious of an urge to lie down and close her drooping eyelids. She'd barely slept after her frantic evening ringing hostels trying to arrange her two weeks with Sky.

The door opened and the hostel warden poked her head round. "Not really meant to let you stay, love. Checking in isn't really til five." She smiled apologetically.

"That's okay. Thank you for letting me in to leave my bag. I'm trying to decide whether to walk into Eyam village or drive to Chatsworth house."

" _Eem_ Miss."

"Sorry?"

"It's pronounced 'Eem' not E-yam'. E-yam sounds like a cheese."

Claire flushed. "Oh. Sorry."

"That's alright. Southerners never get it. Walk into the village, it'll be pretty when the sun breaks through. There's a nice bakery and a tea room."

Claire thought privately that it was a bit early in the day for tea and cake. She didn't want to offend the woman so she merely nodded and went to get her things from the rucksack.

"If you're wanting to walk into the village take the path rather than the road. It's real pretty, winding past a llama farm. Comes out behind the church." The lady shone a bright grin then ducked back out, closing the door behind her.

" _Eem_ it is then," Claire said to the empty room. She let herself out and followed the signs for the footpath.

Halfway down the hill Claire regretted her decision to walk. _Down is fine but I don't fancy the climb back up._ The sun's attempts to break through looked like they might be scuppered by the surly clouds and Claire could feel moisture gathering on her hair.

By the time she reached the village Claire was sweaty and irritated, knowing she had the return climb to contend with after whatever delights Eyam had to offer. The footpath took her into the village past the church. She turned right and stopped at a sign proclaiming the 'Plague Cottages'. _I thought the whole village suffered from the plague, not just a few cottages?_

A dark green sign promised illumination and Claire stopped to scan it. The notice told of Mary Hadfield, who lost her sons, aged 4 and 12, early on in the plague and her husband nearly a year later. _Just when she must have thought the worst was over. I can't believe she lost thirteen relatives in total_. Claire felt the grey of the day seeping into her soul.

_I don't think I even have thirteen relatives, never mind that many all living within the same clutch of houses._ She tried to imagine living that close to her parents and Robert. _I don't know what's more depressing: that she had them or that she lost them._

Claire took a quick snap with her phone then walked on towards an impressive high stone wall and black cast iron gate on her right. The board said it was Eyam Hall, Historic House and Craft Centre. _Whatever it is, it's closed. Clearly they don't expect many visitors in March. Can't imagine why._

She wandered on past a Post Office and some more cottages, following signs for the museum. _May as well get some facts for the blog, then I can get out of here and go somewhere less depressing. Like maybe a morgue._

The museum looked like a school house or a village hall, hulking opposite the car park and public toilets. When she got closer she could tell it too was closed.

Seriously? No wonder they had no problem separating themselves off from the world. Who the hell would want to come here? It's dark and dreary and half of it isn't even open.

Claire spotted a map urging her to 'Discover Eyam at a Glance.' _I think I've done that. It wouldn't take more than a quick peek._ Having located the YHA hostel on the map Claire realised it was a short walk up the road from the museum. For a second she contemplated heading into the village for an early lunch and a better look around. _Or I could walk back to the hostel and drive to Chatsworth for some civilisation._ Her eyes scanned the featureless museum building staring blankly at her and decided on Chatsworth House.

That's assuming it's open.

***

ELEVEN

"Plague Cottages? Chatsworth House Sculpture Gardens? Seriously Claire, what part of _High Adrenalin Activity_ or _Celebrating the Outdoor Lifestyle_ did you not understand? People don't want to read about the rich and the dead and it hardly fits with either the YHA or the Happy Cola brand. Are you deliberately trying to flunk the brief?"

Claire held the phone away from her ear as Carl's voice whined out like a washing machine on spin-cycle.

"Oh you'd love that, wouldn't you? You know I'm fulfilling your ridiculous brief to the letter. My followers are increasing steadily, I'm writing about every hostel I stay in and the places of interest in the locality. I can't jump off a cliff every day, even if that would make your year. Particularly if they forgot to tie the rope."

Claire inhaled and tried to regain control of the conversation. She looked around the layby she'd pulled into when the phone rang and wondered if there was any chance of finding caffeine in walking distance. Who knew how long her boss would rant at her on the phone and she'd left Eyam hostel without breakfast to escape the overpowering women who had turned up in her room after dinner.

She sighed audibly; a mother tolerating a difficult child. "Look Carl. You tell me exactly what I'm not doing and I'll do it. I've never missed a brief or target and I don't intend to give you the satisfaction of suggesting I'm doing so now."

She scanned the horizon again, hoping to see a trucker's café or something. Anything. _I miss my hands-free. Who drives a car without it these days?_ She vowed to get a cradle for the iPhone at the next opportunity.

"Well I don't know," Carl blustered, "you're the Ideas lady. Go read some other blogs with thousands of followers. Find out what they're doing that you're not. Inject some bloody humour into your posts for Christ's sake. Julia says it's like reading the Daily Mail.

Julia. I might have known Carl hadn't actually read the blog himself. What is it with her? Did I offend her once, in this life or the last?

"If Julia is such an expert maybe she can devise some new activities. Better still, why doesn't she come and finish off the brief, let me get back to what I do best." As she said the words Claire felt a prickle run across her scalp like an Indian Head Massage.

I'm not sure I want to go back.

She shook off the traitorous thought and concentrated on keeping warm as the temperature plummeted in the stationary car. She didn't dare leave the engine running in case it overheated without the fan and she couldn't put the fan on because she'd never hear Carl over the noise. Not that that would be a bad thing.

"I've told you before, I need Julia here. But yes I'll ask her to locate some activities for you, seeing as you seem to have forgotten how to carry out basic research."

Bollocks. That was stupid. Now Julia has a free rein to make my life hellish. Idiot Claire, next time keep your mouth shut and your temper under control.

"Lovely. I look forward to embracing Julia's input. Perhaps she could spare a day out of the office to join me in one or two of the activities?" Claire smiled, hoping her saccharin-sweet expression would wing its way to Manchester to make Carl itch.

"Good. I'll tell her to get onto it straight away." The phone went dead.

Bugger. How to shoot yourself in the foot with a twelve-bore.

Claire rammed the car into gear and turned the key hard enough to break it. As the engine fired into life she imagined Carl's body prone on the road in front of her and wheel span as she shot out of the layby in search of vengeance. Or at least coffee.

***

TWELVE

The thrumming of the wind through the trees sounded like the roar of a jet engine. It made Claire think of her planned trip to the Maldives for the first time since dropping Josh at Manchester airport.

I'd give half my shoe collection to be walking across the tarmac headed for a plane right now.

The wind blew sideways, sneaking through a chink in her thinsulate armour. It froze her neck and sent shudders down inside her coat. She huddled in deeper and pulled at the fleece to protect her skin from the arctic blast.

Shivering Mountain is right. Maybe I should have checked the forecast before I left Castleton Hostel.

Claire tried to take in the view but it hurt too much to raise her head into the gale. A glittering light drew her gaze and she realised the sun was peeking through the cloud, taunting her like a holiday post card.

What are you trying to say Sun? Are you twinkling Look at me! In parts of the world I'm hot and inviting. I warm the sand and bronze the skin. Not here, though. Here I just highlight the puddles and make the wind-torn trees look like a mockery of spring.

Claire turned her back on the mocking sun and pushed on. She felt like one of those toddlers she saw out with their mummies: dressed in snowsuits, unable to walk or use their arms. Like mini-Michelin Men with only their red faces showing beneath brightly coloured bobble hats.

Dressed like a baby, pretending to be the sun. I think I'm losing it. Thanks Carl, your job is done.

After half an hour Claire tugged the fleece scarf away from her throat, desperate for air.

How can I be freezing and sweating like a racehorse at the same time? And where is that damn fort? The guide said it was a short and easy walk to the top of Mam Tor. In the summer maybe.

The roaring wind thrust piled-up clouds before it, until the sun was completely hidden and Claire's visibility reduced to several metres of swirling snow. The flurries chased every which way like shoppers on the first day of the sales. Their hurried movement made her twitchy as if she really was fighting foot and elbow in Hobbs for the best bargains.

Claire raised her head, squinting through the pellets of ice stinging her eyes. The path, that had been clear in front of her a heartbeat ago, had vanished beneath a swirling curtain of white.

_Bugger. I knew I should have brought a map. Not that it would help me much now._ Pulling off one glove with her teeth, Claire reached into her pocket for her iPhone. Her numb hands dropped it and it bounced once before landing in the gathering snow.

Double bugger.

She dropped to her knees and gathered up her phone as she might a child who had fallen from a tree. _Please be okay, please be okay._ She pressed the on button and prayed for life. The screen lit up in the gloom and Claire felt her heartbeat slow to its normal tread.

The snow continued to fall, creeping down her neck and soaking her clothes as she squatted on the floor and shielded the screen with her body. With one senseless hand she typed her location into the Maps program. The signal was weak and it took an age for the screen to load. At last a map appeared with a dot showing her position on Mam Tor. She zoomed in and her heart jolted as she saw the crumbling cliff inches from her current location.

_It can't be that close, I would have noticed it before the weather closed in._ Despite her confidence she didn't fancy trying to walk any further until the snow stopped. A quick glance informed her there was no shelter so she hunkered down and hoped the vicious wind would come to her rescue and blast the cloud away. _Come back taunting sun, all is forgiven._

Her hand hovered over the call button as she felt a biting need to talk to another human being. _No one even knows I'm up here. Damn you Carl for your stupid goading and damn me too for reacting to it._

Her mouth held the words "Call Michael", knowing the phone would respond and dial up a number she had yet to delete. She swallowed hard and turned her back to the wind.

***

THIRTEEN

Claire ignored the twisting in her stomach and opened the email. _How bad can it be?_ Then she remembered her leaving party and the things Julia had said. _Okay, pretty bad. Then let's get it over with at least._

Claire

Carl has asked me to collate a list of activities to inject some fun and humour into your blog. These are all near your current location in Castleton so you'll have to pick the ones that are available. We suggest number five and/or six as they are activities more specific to the Peak District. If you can furnish me with your future itinerary I will find some other activities that have Carl's approval.

Julia

1. Kayak and/or Canoe  
2. Raft Building  
3. Climbing/Abseiling  
4. Mountain/Hill Walking  
5. Weaseling  
6. Caving  
7. Orienteering  
8. Rope Course  
9. Search and Rescue  
10. Archery

_Future Itinerary? Does she think I'm planning that far ahead? Actually Julia probably plans her sick days_. Claire thought about the list of hostels booked for her time with Sky. _Oh I can at least look a bit organised, that will be nice. As long as she finds things I can do with a six-year-old girl._ She remembered the kids on the Go Ape rope course and decided that Sky was probably more suited to the adventure activities than she was. She scanned the list and laughed, relief flooding through her like caffeine.

What is Julia going on about? I've done half of these and the rest aren't exactly High Adrenalin. I mean, Raft Building? I'm hardly going to get eaten by a crocodile or fall into shark-infested waters, however much she hopes I might. I guess her main desire is that I get wet and humiliate myself.

Checking Julia's email again, Claire looked at the activities at number 5 and 6. _Caving. I've been in the Blue John Cavern, isn't that caving? And what the hell is Weaseling?_ Julia's email had a link at the bottom to a website with more information. Knowing she would regret it Claire clicked on the link and scrolled down to Weaseling.

Weaseling is all about getting into a tight spot - and then getting out of it! This activity is very similar to rock scrambling, as the fun comes from low-level climbing. It's also fairly similar to caving, with small, often dark spaces forming the perfect playground for intrepid weaselers, but it all takes place above ground level. Weaseling doesn't require ropes as there are no big drops or climbs, so it's great for younger children.

_Great for younger children? Should be fairly easy then although I can't say I'm that keen on the 'dark spaces' bit._ With a sigh of resignation Claire followed the information and wrote down the phone number to book a day Weaseling.

I'll remember this Julia, don't think I won't.

***

FOURTEEN

Claire felt a sharp sting as a hand slapped her on the bum, followed by a loud guffawed as she squealed in surprise.

"Come on love, they'll be waiting for us at the bus."

Claire felt a strong desire to kick downwards and boot the source of the taunting voice on the noise. Taking a deep breath she conquered the impulse and poured her anger into her voice. "Get your hands off me. I'm stuck." She tried to turn and glare at the offensive man trying to shove her through solid rock but she couldn't move her head more than a few inches. _Actually I'm quite glad he made me cross, it gives me something else to think about other than coffins and closed spaces and what they're going to do if I really am stuck._ Her mouth felt dry and she could feel her heartbeat begin to quicken as the sensation of immobility seeped through her consciousness.

"You're not stuck love, you just need to wiggle those hips. Too many pies is it?"

"I am not fat. How dare you?" Claire wrenched herself forward until her shoulders were free. The sound of tearing cloth filled the tight space.

"Nah you're not fat love, you've got a nice arse. Got you moving though, didn't it?" He sniggered as he nimbly clambered through the rock behind her.

Now I know why they call it weaselling. Not only do you have to have the agility of a rat in a drainpipe, the instructors are all weasels too.

"You're lucky none of the teachers can hear you talking like that." Claire spat the words over her shoulder as she wriggled through the crevice towards the chink of daylight at the end.

"No chance of that, they're miles ahead. You know you're being shown up by a bunch of kids?"

"They're smaller than me; of course they can get through. Besides, kids are bendier."

"What about the teachers, they all whisked through quick enough." He chuckled and Claire could hear the goad in his voice. She thought about retaliating that most teachers were skinny because everyone knew they were a day away from a nervous breakdown, never mind being poor as church mice, whatever that meant. She decided the trek leader wasn't worth her ire and concentrated instead on getting through the narrow fissure in the rock without losing any more skin. Her hands were raw and she could feel a graze on her cheek from when she slipped and fell against the rock at the beginning, much to the amusement of the gaggle of brats in her group.

"Why did you want to come with a bunch of kids anyway?"

The trek instructor seemed to read her mind. Claire thought about telling the truth: that she'd been double-dared by her boss's PA to go weaseling and had discovered the only way to go was to join a school party. _Sod that. Makes me sound like a right muppet._ As she dug her chipped nails into the crumbling rock, trying to pull herself forward before she got slapped on the bum again, a nasty idea popped into Claire's mind.

"I'm an undercover journalist, investigating malpractice by tour guides and trek leaders. You know, inappropriate behaviour, hazardous practices, unsafe equipment."

She giggled quietly as she heard Pete the trek guide suck air through his teeth at her words.

"You knew I was mucking about, like, when I slapped you and said you had a nice bottom? You won't report me? I need this job. I'd never do that to one of the children."

He sounded genuinely concerned and Claire felt a stab of guilt. She let him sweat a moment longer then, with as much reassurance as she could put in her voice while wedged in a tight crevice, said "don't be silly. I was winding you up. I am a writer but not a journalist. I have a blog and I'm meant to do loads of outdoor stuff to please my boss."

There was a pause and Claire wondered if Pete would be offended or see the funny side. She suspected he wasn't sure how to react either and felt a bit sick at the thought of being cruel. _It was below the belt I guess._

"I am sorry. You pissed me off that's all."

"That's okay. I deserved it. I shouldn't have wound you up. It was just nice to have a bit of a laugh. You have to be so careful around the youngsters."

"I don't know how you do it." Claire pulled herself through the gap and crawled out onto a ledge, glad to be able to stand vertically for the first time in half an hour. She squinted her eyes against the sudden brightness and tried to see how far ahead the school party were. She wasn't in a hurry to catch up. "Just spending the morning on the bus with them was enough."

"Ah they're alright. All full of lip and nonsense at this age. Give me ten-year-olds to teenagers any day."

Ten, fifteen, five? They're all the same. You can keep the lot of them with my blessing.

***

FIFTEEN

Claire pulled her coat tighter and tucked her chin into the collar. After the heat of the pub the night air was bitter. She had stayed longer than intended, enjoying the open fire and the good wine, and now the sky had settled into a dusky shade of blue.

What a stupid idea to walk. I must stop listening to advice. Who cares if it's only fifteen minutes, I got enough exercise this morning with those horrible brats and the oh-so-charming Pete.

The sun had set behind her and she knew the sky was laced with red and orange. Ahead it was dark, with only a faint glow highlighting the hills beyond the village.

_I hope there are streetlamps up the lane. I didn't think to bring a torch._ Claire dug in her bag for her iPhone and used it to light the road ahead. _I don't want to step in anything nasty._

She walked on, concentrating on the pavement directly in front of her in case some careless dog owner had left something behind. _These are the only shoes I've got that aren't already crusted with mud. I'd like to keep them that way._

Ideas for her blog post drifted through her mind, floating on a glass of wine and settling into the rhythm of her stride. _How am I going to write about this morning in a funny way without getting Pete into trouble? I guess I don't have to name him._ She thought about the weaseling trip and laughed, the sound echoing in the still night air. _Too many pies. Cheeky bastard._ Patting her tummy Claire thought that maybe her jeans were a little tighter than they had been a few weeks ago. _It's all these pub dinners. Why do they have to make the Fish and Chips look so yummy on the menu? Mind you, it was yummy. But it's not exactly sushi or noodles. If there was any justice I'd be burning the calories doing stupid things like walking back to the hostel in the dark._

As if the words formed an image in her mind Claire became aware of just how dark it was. The pool of orange light cast by each streetlamp only seemed to highlight the darkness in between. Killing the light on the iPhone she tried to let her eyes adjust to the darkness. Her heart thudded loudly and she twitched at the sound of something scurrying in the hedgerow behind her.

What's with all these looming walls and rustling trees? It's spookier than a cemetery at Halloween. Come on girl, you're not one to be afraid of a bit of black. Sheesh don't add fear of the dark to your newly found phobias. Josh will piss himself laughing.

Claire opened her shoulders and raised her neck as if she was back in Madame Émile's ballet class imagining a line pulling her head to the ceiling. It was as she was about to release the inhaled breath that she heard the footsteps. They were steady, unhurried, coming up behind her. She resisted the urge to walk faster. City life had taught her to ignore the approach of others, to remember that not every stranger on the street was out to kill you.

She strode the length of a long wall and saw the turning to the hostel driveway up ahead, past some houses set back from the road. The footsteps behind her seemed to be drawing nearer although their pace matched her own. It made her think it must be someone with a long stride. _Or someone intent on catching me up._

Her heartbeat came faster now and the battered fish sat heavy in her stomach. She lengthened her own stride and glanced up and down the road ready to cross and turn up the drive. She deliberated whether to abandon the walk home and return to the safety of village. It was unlikely that the driveway had any lighting and she didn't remember there being houses between the main road and the hostel.

_Silly girl. Why didn't I drive down for dinner? Or leave earlier._ Somewhere between the thump thump of her footsteps and their unwanted echo and the timpani-pounding of her heart Claire knew why she hadn't bothered. _This is Hope Valley. People don't get attacked out here. People get attacked in cities like Manchester._ She thought about all the news stories she had seen with some poor soul sobbing, explaining that _that sort of thing just didn't happen round here._ Claire felt the blood drain from her face at the thought that it has to happen somewhere.

The attack came from her right, not from behind. She had been so concerned with the footsteps she had failed to see the shadowy figure lurking on a park bench beneath the trees. Claire felt someone grab at her bag, trying to pull it from her shoulder. She swung out an elbow and let the bag slip free, knowing her phone was in her hand and her wallet in her back pocket. She'd at least learned that much. As soon as the bag was free she ran, hoping the man had what he wanted. She had forgotten about the footsteps, the fact that anyone following her would have seen her phone in her hand.

The first pursuer caught up with her as she crossed the road. Self-defence classes came to her aid and she jabbed the heel of her hand into his solar plexus before he could get a good grip. He crumpled, winded, and Claire span back to the driveway, wondering if her trembling legs would carry her the full distance before the second person arrived.

Her mind screamed at her to do something and without stopping to consider she yelled "Call Michael". She heard her phone ringing in the pitch black of the lane. The screen lit up as the call connected.

Oh stupid girl.

The light shone bright in the darkness and the running footsteps came straight for her. Something sped through the air and she felt the impact against her temple, as a piercing pain stabbed through her head and blurred her vision.

A familiar voice rang in the darkness. "Hello? Michael speaking."

Claire felt someone wrench the phone from her hand and then nothing.

***

SIXTEEN

The first thing Claire noticed was the cold. She felt as if she was floating on an iceberg in a choppy sea. _That would explain the seasickness and the fact I'm freezing. But not the pain. Did I get walloped by a polar bear? And how the hell did I end up in the Arctic Ocean_? She tried to remember but it made the pain worse.

The next thing she noticed was the siren, quiet at first but getting louder. Not quickly like a fire engine rushing to the scene but a slow rise, coming up from murky depths. _Why is there a fire engine in the ocean? I wish it would bugger off: it's stabbing straight through the hole that damn polar bear made in my skull._ She reached up a hand and it came back sticky _. A polar bear with a blunt object._

The siren came nearer and Claire's head throbbed in time with the rise and fall of the wail. Blue light flashed at the edges of her vision and she closed her eyes, willing it to sod off so she could get back to sleep. Another noise joined the wail. A voice, deep and stern, like a hall-stalking headmaster _. I'm not smoking or late, go away and leave me alone_.

Then a word stood out in the wall of noise.

"Claire?"

_Oh_.

"Claire Carleton?"

The noise came with the purr of an engine and then dazzling white light shone over her.

That's it, I've died. I don't remember dying but at least I can see the light.

The engine hum went away but the light didn't.. A loud slam made her jump and she cursed at the stab of pain.

"Miss Carleton? Thank god we've found you, are you hurt?"

"Who are you and what are you doing on my iceberg?"

"She's delirious." This was said over the man's shoulder. Claire heard a second slamming noise and footsteps.

A kinder voice said "We're here to help. Your boyfriend said he thought something might have happened to you and that you'd Tweeted you were just leaving the Old Nags Head. We've been searching the route. What happened?" She hunkered down next to Claire and smoothed the hair away from her face. Immediately she pulled her hand back and examined it.

"She's hurt. Best phone for an ambulance."

"No. No more sirens or lights it makes my head ache. I'm fine."

"You're bleeding."

"I think a polar bear hit me."

"You're not making sense love. Were you attacked?"

A flash of memory lit up as if illuminated by a search light. She nodded, then regretted it when the world twisted.

"They took my bag. And my phone, the bastards." She sat up, then fell sideways against the woman, nearly knocking them both over.

"I'd be happier if you saw a doctor. Will you let us take you to A&E?"

"Blimey do you even have one?"

"The nearest is Sheffield, it's about forty minutes."

Claire thought about the drive, the three-hour wait, endless questions and more bright lights.

"Can you take me to the hostel instead? I'd like some dry clothes and a mug of Earl Grey." The police officers conferred and seemed to reach an agreement. Claire was raised to her feet and guided to the back seat of the car.

"One more thing, please?"

"Yes?"

"Can you turn off that damn siren?"

***

SEVENTEEN

Claire sat back in the chair and winced as the dazzling spotlights stabbed viciously at her eyeballs.

"Can you turn the lights off?"

"How will I see to clean your wound?"

"I thought cops had superpowers."

The woman laughed. "No. Not that I've noticed. Now hold still or I'll handcuff you and take you to A&E."

Claire chewed the inside of her cheek and tried to be still. The policewoman dabbed at her head and Claire twitched as if she'd been electrocuted.

"Bugger, that hurts. Sorry. I'm holding still. Promise." Claire chewed her cheek harder and dug her nails into the soft flesh of her palms.

"It's only an antiseptic wipe. We're not sure what they hit you with. It wasn't anything sharp, you don't need stitches. The first aid kit has some Steri-strips which I can use. You should still see a doctor."

"I'll go in the morning. Right now I just want to sleep." Claire felt blindly for her tea and nearly knocked it off the table.

"Here love." A much friendlier voice came near and her tea was pushed into her reaching grasp.

"Thank you. At least someone is sympathetic." Claire smiled at the hostel manager then winced again as the policewoman resumed cleaning her blood-smeared scalp.

"I'd be more sympathetic if you would be a better patient." The woman frowned like a school teacher and Claire shrank into her chair.

She's no older than I am, why does she have the ability to make me feel about five. At least the other one's gone. I don't need a teacher and a headmaster making me feel like an idiot.

Claire looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked to see it was nearly midnight. "I'm so sorry, you should be tucked up in bed by now too, shouldn't you?"

"Nah, it's Saturday night. We never finish before dawn."

"Really? There's that much crime in a tiny village like this?"

The woman chuckled. "You'd be surprised."

Claire squeaked as the woman dug in with her antiseptic wipe and then pulled at her head to get the wound straight for the Steri-strips. _Come on Claire, don't be a wuss._ She tried to take her mind off the procedure and let it dwell for the first time on something that had been bugging her.

_They said my boyfriend called them. Now was that Josh or Michael? And how did either of them know I was in trouble?_ She wanted to ask but didn't want to distract the policewoman from her work. The cut was just below the hairline on her temple but she still didn't want a noticeable scar.

As if reading her mind the policewoman stood up and said, "There we go. It shouldn't scar. The more a scalp wound bleeds the shallower it is. This isn't much more than a graze. You were lucky."

Lucky? Right.

"Girl got mugged last week and they beat her so hard they damn near broke every bone in her face. All because she didn't have any money in her purse."

Claire shivered and pulled her coat tightly around her. _Okay, lucky. Got it._

"Er. You said my boyfriend called you." She looked up at the policewoman and noticed for the first time that she had hazel eyes. It made her face softer, more approachable. "Only, you see, I don't have a boyfriend."

The woman smiled, revealing little dimples that instantly made her younger. "Well, someone cares about you very much. He left his number so we'll call him and let him know you're okay."

"But how did he know I was being robbed?"

"He said you rang him and he heard the scuffle before the phone cut off."

Images of the attack swam through Claire's mind. She vaguely remembered yelling something that had caused her phone to light up and reveal her location in the dark. At least there was an upside to her stupidity.

_Poor Michael, having to phone the police to rescue his ex-girlfriend._ A picture of the last time she saw him waved in her mind like a protest flag. _Well, serves him right. Still I should probably ring and say thank you._

"I'll call.... Oh no, bugger. My phone!" Suddenly the reality of the attack sunk in. "My bloody phone! What the hell am I going to do without it?" A hollow sensation exploded in her stomach and spread like a black hole.

"You're lucky it was a good one. If it hadn't been they might not have run off."

"You don't understand. I need that phone. It's my only way to keep in contact with the world."

"There are payphones you know."

Claire laughed, then, a bitter scornful laugh. " _Payphones?_ Are you serious? Can you tweet, email or Skype from a payphone? Does it tell you where you're meant to be or have all the numbers of your friends and family stored in its little memory? Can you use it as a torch, camera, music player, magazine and paperback?"

Her breathing became rapid and the edges of her vision darkened in panic. _The iPad. I still have my iPad and it's synched up._ She inhaled a long shuddering breath and concentrated on what needed to happen next.

"I'd like to report a theft please."

***

EIGHTEEN

Claire turned and studied the ornate building of Castleton Losehill Hall as she walked away from reception. _I thought it looked like a gothic mansion when I arrived. I never imagined I'd be living one of Ann Radcliffe's more lurid tales while I stayed here._

Meandering through the corridors and courtyards of the hostel that morning, with a bandage on her head and purple bruises on her cheek, it had been easy to picture herself in the pages of a Victorian drama. She'd ignored the giggling kids as she'd perched on a bench, lost in a nineteenth century world of mad counts and ephemeral ghosts.

_Maybe Sergeant Cornhill was right, maybe I do have concussion._ Claire tried to remember what the woman had told her the night before about the symptoms of a head injury. _Confusion, inability to make decisions, tiredness. How is that any different to how I feel on any normal Sunday morning?_ Her laughter sounded fake even to her. _Maybe I will pop in and see a GP before I head to the next hostel. Seeing as I don't even know where I'm going today._

Claire stopped on the path and stared at the dirty-grey clouds scudding across the sky, strung out like dingy washing. _What am I doing? I need to at least know what hostel I'm going to._ Her only thought, after her morning of musing and wandering, was to get away and put the events of the previous evening behind her. Now the idea of driving past the scene with no clear intention or destination made bile rise in her throat. She hitched her rucksack up on her shoulders and headed back into the hostel. _Maybe I'll just have a quick look at the website, at least find the nearest hostel. I'm meant to have a quiet day today anyway, Sergeant's orders._

Claire walked through the glass lobby and scurried to a corner before the manager on duty asked her what she was doing back. She wasn't sure if she was allowed in the building after check-out and her head ached too much for a confrontation.

Within the space of a few minutes she had loaded the YHA site on her iPad, thankful that she still had it to plug the aching hole left by her stolen phone. The nearest hostel was apparently Hathersage. When Claire read the description she laughed loudly before wincing at the rattling pain it caused in her head.

A bustling Derbyshire village popular with everyone from fans of outdoor activity breaks to literature and history buffs. Walk the Charlotte Brontë Literature trail, taking in North Lees Manor featured in Jane Eyre and visit the oversized grave of Robin Hood's sidekick, Little John.

She smiled as she reread it. _Well, I've lived the Gothic story, why not go and wander in the home of the finest Victorian novelists? Maybe I'll meet the ghost of Heathcliff or the mad woman in the attic. Maybe I'll be the mad woman locked in a garret. It might be nice to hide from the world for a while._ Claire thought about the phone call she needed to make; the thank you that was going to stick in her throat like dry toast.

Yes, I think it might be nice to hide.

***

NINETEEN

"Michael? It's Claire."

"Claire, you're okay. Thank god. I was so worried. Where are you? What happened? The police were going to call me back but they haven't yet. I've been frantic."

"Whoa, slow down." Claire inhaled to calm her skipping heart. "I'm fine. I was mugged." Michael made a guttural sound but Claire ignored him. She needed to get her words out and be done.

"The police found me just as I was coming round and took me back to the hostel. I've got a lump on my head the size of a duck's egg and my hair is matted with blood, but apart from that I'm good. I was lucky."

She wanted to hang up before Michael could speak again but he was already talking. "I'm so glad the police found you. When you called and then the phone went dead I didn't know what to think." He inhaled and released a shuddering laugh. "I thought. Well. Never mind. I'd seen on Twitter that you'd just left the pub and I thought you might be walking somewhere. You should take more care." His tone took on the preachy note of concern that always set Claire's hackles rising.

"I'm not a child and this isn't exactly inner-city New York. I was unlucky, that's all." She thought about him tracking her every move. _That's a bit creepy._ "What does Debbie think about you following me on Twitter?"

"It's none of her damn business." His voice scraped at the soreness in Claire's head. She tried to puzzle through his bitter tone but her thoughts were still muddled. She shook her head and pain rattled through it like pills in a bottle.

"Ow!"

"What? Are you okay? Have you seen a doctor?"

Claire laughed. "Yes I saw a GP this morning. I'm fine. Mild concussion that's all. It hurts to move."

"Come home Claire. You've proved your point. Come back and have a proper sleep in a proper bed."

The affection in his voice weakened her. She slumped against the side of the phone box and dropped her head. "I don't have a home to go to anymore. Besides, it's not about proving a point." As she said it she realised it was true. Part of her was actually looking forward to having Sky for a week or two, to explore the East Coast with her and write about it on her blog. "And the beds aren't that bad. You know that, you stayed in one of the hostels I've visited. With Debbie."

"We're back on her again are we? Let it go, Claire. There is nothing between us, there never was after I met you."

"Ha!" Claire winced as her voice reverberated around the confined space. She lowered her voice. "So it wasn't you and her I bumped into at the airport?" Swallowing down the metallic taste in her mouth Claire cursed herself for rising to the bait. _I promised I wouldn't discuss it. Why couldn't I have just sent him an email?_

"We were coming back from a wedding."

Claire's stomach dropped down to her shoes and the breath stuck in her throat.

"An old friend of Debbie's," Michael continued, as if his words hadn't left Claire's ears ringing. "Debbie didn't want to go by herself and I said I'd go. As a friend." He emphasised the last three words, as he might to a difficult child. "You know where my heart lives."

There was silence on the line. Claire could hear her heartbeat dancing an Irish jig, could hear her breathing rasping, her breaths making wisps of vapour in the freezing air. Inhaling deeply through her noise Claire immediately wished she hadn't as the scent of Saturday night bodily fluids floated up from the floor of the phone box. Switching to breathing through her mouth, Claire searched the fog in her mind for words.

A loud hammering on the glass broke the spell. Claire looked up into the face of an old man wrapped up in several dirty jumpers and coats. He had a small scruffy dog at his feet and he was gesturing at the floor of the phone box. Looking down Claire realised what she thought was a bag of rubbish was actually the man's possessions.

"I have to go Michael. I'm in a man's house." She realised how bad that sounded but didn't have the energy to explain. "Thanks again for the knight in shining armour bit. You always were good at that."

She hung up the phone and pushed her way free from the tiny box, gulping in the fresh morning air.

***

TWENTY

Claire lent against the door of the Skoda and gazed up at the dark building set against winter trees and leaden sky. _I can imagine how this might make you think of Gothic horror and mad women in the attic. It's pretty gloomy._

"Amazing building, yah?"

Claire jumped at the sound of the voice. She turned and saw a snow princess walking towards her. She blinked, wondering if her concussion was more severe than the doctor had suggested. As the woman strolled nearer she realised it was a beautiful blonde wearing cream snow gear, wrapped up against the chill. Claire looked down at her Helly Hansen jacket and wondered when it had become so shabby.

"One expects to see Mr Rochester doing a rising-trot up the lane, doesn't one?" The woman smiled, dazzling Claire with her even white teeth. "Hullo, I'm Catherine. You can come in and have a gander if you like?"

"What? You live here?" Claire shook her head, gritting her teeth against the pain.

Catherine laughed, a cascade of chiming bells. "Wouldn't that be super? No we're here for the weekend for a wedding."

Claire tried to imagine staying in the house. "I think I'd be worried about Bertha Mason setting fire to my bedroom while I slept. Is it very dark and spooky?"

Another tinkling laugh followed Claire's statement and she felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

"Hardly. Come in for an espresso and see for yourself. You can park your car." She looked at the Skoda, noticing it for the first time, and raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows. Claire's cheeks flushed hotter and she turned away, letting her hair drop over her face. She listened mutely to the instructions on where to park before climbing into her seat.

_I could just keep driving. I'm not that interested in seeing the Hall that inspired Rochester's house. Does it matter if I am rude to a complete stranger? She looks like it would bounce straight off her super-ego._ Claire thought about the blog, the chance to have something different to write about and sighed. _Maybe I should accept. How hard can it be to be civil for half an hour?_

Claire entered the building and stopped in the hallway. She felt her jaw drop and shut her mouth with a snap. "It's tiny. I was expecting some rambling mansion. This isn't Thornfield Hall." She thought about the place she had imagined during A Level English. Her teenage dreams of being rescued from boarding school by a brooding stranger.

"Wait until you see the roof. Tell me then if you can't envisage Bertha jumping off." Catherine's eyes blazed and she tugged Claire's arm to lead her through the house.

Claire had an impression of dark beams and ornate ceilings before she was blasted by a gust of arctic air. Huddling into her jacket, she squinted against the wind and looked at the view.

"Wow." The vista stretched all the way to the hazy-blue horizon, miles in the distance. In the space between hills huddled together beneath the grey winter sky, wearing trees like ruffled blankets. A low mist clung to the valley, like the smoke billowing from a crypt in a vampire movie. Claire shivered.

Catherine strode to the crenellations and peered over before turning towards Claire. "Come and see the lambs. They're so cute, frolicking around like babies."

Claire walked a step closer to the edge and felt her heartbeat quicken. _I don't know this woman from Adam. Why has she brought me up here?_ Images of the attack the day before swam into her mind. _What if she's crazy and wants to push me over the edge. She might be channelling Bertha's ghost for all I know._

When she came no nearer, Catherine's brows furrowed. "Are you okay?"

"I don't like heights," Claire responded, trying to keep the wobble from her voice. "I need to get going anyway. I have stuff to do." She realised how rude that sounded. "Thank you so much for showing me round."

The girl sighed. "That's fine. It was super to have someone else to talk to. My family have gone fishing and I can't stand it." She pulled a face. "Slimy, wriggling things."

Claire felt her heartbeat slow at the woebegone look on Catherine's face. _That damn mugging has me jumping at shadows. Maybe some people do just want to chat because they're lonely._ She looked at her watch. There was plenty of time to get to the hostel before reception closed.

"Did you mention something about coffee?"

***

TWENTY-ONE

Claire stood behind the Skoda and fought the urge to weep. "It's Monday: I can get a new phone today. I need to go to Sheffield. What arsehole parks like that?"

The hostel car park was the size of a postage stamp. Claire had been fortunate to arrive the night before just as someone was leaving. Now the Skoda was so tightly wedged in she had no hope of reversing out without damaging someone's car. It was tempting.

_Who would know?_ She looked up at the buildings all around. _Someone's bound to see, knowing my luck. So, do I go in and wake a bunch of backpackers to find out who is blocking me in or wait until everyone wakes?_ She inhaled and the morning air froze her nose and throat.

"I want my phone!"

She laughed as her childish shout startled some pecking pigeons. Slumping against the back of her car, Claire tried to decide what to do. Her brain still felt muffled, as if it was floating under water. The doctor had said it might take weeks for her to recover from her concussion.

I'm not sure I'll notice when it's healed. My mind seems permanently foggy these days. Think Claire, think.

And then it came to her. She remembered reading in the hostel notes that it was close to the train station. It seemed crazy taking the train when she had a car but it would be nice to leave the Skoda behind for a while and pretend to be a normal person again.

The walk improved Claire's mood and she was almost smiling by the time her iPad told her she had arrived at the train station. She stared at the dirty-white temporary buildings and the single railway line.

Train station is a bit of an overstatement. Bugger. God knows when the next train will chug through here. They're probably still run by steam.

As she thought the words she heard the unmistakeable sound of an approaching train. Stuffing her iPad into her bag she ran for the platform just as a two-carriage train pulled in with a whoosh of brakes. Claire tugged open the door to the nearest carriage and jumped on board. A dozen calmly-seated suits turned to stare as Claire tumbled into the carriage, red-faced and panting. She smiled automatically and slid into the nearest seat, eager to hide her rosy face.

With a jolt the train pulled away and Claire prayed it was actually heading for Sheffield and not Manchester. _Please don't let me end up there today. I'm bound to bump into someone I know and I look like something the cat threw up._

She pulled her fingers through her tangled hair, wishing she had taken time to shower and dress properly. There had been only one thought on her mind as she left the hostel and that was to get a new phone.

Outside the window trees and fields flew past, before they passed through Grindleford station and disappeared into a tunnel. Claire stared at her reflection in the dark window and wondered when she had stopped wearing make-up. _I guess it doesn't matter if we are headed for Manchester: I don't suppose anyone would recognise me._

The train emerged from the tunnel into a grey landscape and her image vanished. A voice echoed down the train calling for tickets. Claire dug in her handbag for her purse, feeling her heart thudding against her ribs. _I've never boarded a train without a ticket before. I hope he'll let me buy one and not make a fuss._ She felt the heat return to her cheeks and wondered if it would have been less stressful to wake a hostel full of people to ask someone to move their car.

Why is nothing ever easy?

***

#  TWENTY-TWO

#

Claire looked up the location of the hostel she'd just booked and swore. "That's miles from Hathersage and I've still got to go back for the bloody car. Stupid YHA and their stupid school trips."

She'd been phoning round the hostels for twenty minutes while waiting for the train home, her new phone sitting happy in her hand. It turned out that several of the Peak District hostels were only open at weekends and during the school holidays for non-school visitors. _Not that I really want to stay with a bunch of school kids anyway._ Eventually she'd found a hostel near Bakewell that had beds free.

I'm not sure I like the name Youlgreave. That sounds prophetic. What's going to happen to me there? I've already been half-frozen, lost, wedged in a rock and mugged since I started on this trip.

Something about the words y _ou'll grieve_ made her think of Ruth. _I haven't called since last week. I'd best make sure everything is okay and Sky is happy to come on the road with me._

She pulled out her new phone, smiling at the unscratched screen and brand new cover. Then she remembered she had no idea what Ruth's phone number was. With a sigh she delved in her bag for her iPad. _I really should memorise some numbers. What if they'd taken my iPad too? I'd be buggered. I barely know my own number._

Eventually she located her sister's number and was able to call.

"Hello, Sky speaking."

"Hello Sky, it's Auntie Claire." She was about to ask to speak to Ruth when she realised she'd have to talk to her niece at some point. "Um. How are you?"

"Auntie Claire! Mummy's poorly and Nana is looking after me. She picked me up from school today. We did numbers and PE and I learned how to do a cartwheel and then Susie was mean to me but we made up. And Nana let me buy a cake on the way home to cheer Mummy up because she's sad. Mummy says you're taking me to the seaside! When are you coming, is it tomorrow?"

Claire held the phone away from her ear and tried to follow the rapid-fire monologue, wondering which bits she was meant to respond to. She figured the last question would be enough.

"Friday. I'll be there on Friday Sky."

"Yippee. I can't wait. It's going to be so much fun. Will you paint my nails and do my make-up? Pleeeaasse?"

"Er, sure. Yes. We can do that." Claire thought about her make-up bag. _It must be in my rucksack somewhere. I don't remember leaving it behind._ She made a mental note to buy some child-friendly products before she got to Cambridgeshire.

"Is your Mummy there, Sky?" She held the phone further away from her ear as her niece yelled "Mummy!" She heard the phone clunk, followed by the sound of running. _I feel bad for disturbing her now. Maybe I should have called Mum instead, although it sounds like she's probably there too._ A shard of guilt stabbed in Claire's chest at the thought of her mother looking after Ruth while she swanned around taking pictures and writing for the blog. _Not to mention getting mugged and sleeping in noisy rooms with total strangers._

The phone clicked and there was a shuffling noise. "Claire?"

Ice slid into Claire's stomach at the sound of her sister's voice. She sounded twenty years older. _It has been only a few days? I haven't disappeared into some new time zone out here in the sticks?_

"Ruth? How are you?" She tried to make her voice cheerful but she could hear the wobble.

A low chuckle came down the line. "I've been better. I'm glad you're taking Sky. I'm going to miss her, but I need some quiet. She tries, but her nursing me is worse than her being normal." The words came slowly, like each one needed to rise to the surface before it could be pushed down the phone-line.

"It's the least I can do. Look do you want me to come before Friday? Give you and Mum a break?"

"No. It's fine. I think Mum's enjoying it in a strange way. It's giving her so much to be a martyr about. Actually." There was a pause. "Could you come on Thursday? Sky will be off-the-wall hyper when she finishes school. I'm not sure I can bear it. You can stay here the night if you don't mind the sofa."

Claire quickly tried to evaluate which would be worse, staying in the Cambridge hostel with a small child or kipping on her sister's couch. _It might be nice to spend a night away from the hostels. Carl didn't need to know._

"Sure sis, I'll come Thursday. I can collect Sky from school."

"Okay." The phone went silent. Claire didn't want to hang up. The words _you'll grieve_ thrummed in her mind. But it was clear her sister was exhausted.

"Great. I'll see you then. And sis... take care."

***

TWENTY-THREE

Youlgreave turned out to be a cheery little hostel with spacious rooms and a homely feel. The bunks had individual lights and Claire curled into the corner of hers as a mouse might his winter nest. She pulled a paperback from her bag - one of several she had treated herself to at Sheffield station - and let the world slide away.

After what felt like minutes, but was nearer to an hour, her phone chimed to say the sync was complete. Claire sighed and put down the book, her mind still caught up in a world of Games and tributes. She opened her email and scanned the list, hoping for nothing new. When she saw the email from Julia she had to stop herself launching her new phone out the window. _I'd forgotten about the bloody challenges. Don't let a mugging stop you Julia, you carry on regardless, heartless cow._

Reading the email, Claire felt her lungs fill with anger. _Callous bitch._

Claire

I heard about the accident. If you will wander round like a hoyden, these things will happen. Carl said if anything was stolen you will need to claim on your own insurance due to the event occurring outside office hours.

Please find below your task for this week. As you only saw fit to undertake one activity from my previous list I have not researched any more than this.

Your next assignment will be sent on Thursday owing to the office being closed for the Easter weekend. Carl asked me to inform you that you are still expected to stay in hostels over the bank holiday.

Julia

http://www.peakhanggliding.co.uk/

Claire didn't need to open the link to discover what Julia's maliciousness had concocted for her. _The bitch knows I'm scared of heights. Hang-gliding? She has to be kidding. I'm almost impressed that they want me to resign this badly. Well tough._

She laughed, her eyes crinkling in mischief. Pulling out an envelope from her bag she retrieved the letter inside and smoothed it flat, before taking a picture with the iPad.

Dear Julia

Please find attached the Doctor's Note I received, following the severe physical attack I suffered while working for your organisation. I have been advised to avoid any activity which may result in a worsening of my condition. I am sorry to inform you that I am certain Hang-Gliding will fall under that category.

I will notify you when the doctor deems me fit for physical exertion. Until then I will continue in my assignment to the best of my ability.

Kindest regards

Claire

Claire stroked the Doctor's Note before slotting it into the back of her paperback. _Best forty-pounds ever spent._ Then she tucked her phone and tablet back into her rucksack and curled up in the corner of her bunk, feeling as if she had done Katniss proud in her skirmish with Julia.

***

TWENTY-FOUR

"Checking out please."

The man behind the desk looked up from his paper and smiled. "I wouldn't love. Have yer looked outside this morning?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Heavy snow overnight. Roads are going to be murder. Best stay put for a night or two, wait fer it to clear. Happen it'll be gone by Friday."

"Friday? I have to be in Cambridgeshire by Thursday afternoon." Claire felt fear twist in her gut. _Ruth will kill me if I'm not there to pick Sky up after school finishes._

The man laughed, not unkindly but with genuine humour. "You'll be lucky lass, unless that's a flying car you're holding the keys to."

Claire thought about the Skoda parked out on the street. "Not flying, no, but it is Eastern European. It's pretty handy at starting in bad weather."

"Skoda is it? The little brown one? Starting's not your problem. You'll dance your rear-end into a hedge driving that, even with bricks under the bonnet. You got ballast?"

Not wanting to admit she had no idea what he was talking about, Claire pulled out her iPad and did a quick online search.

"Would I make it to Hartington Hall do you think?"

The man frowned, as if questioning why she wanted to leave.

"Oh, no," Claire interjected swiftly. "Don't take it personally. I've loved staying here. It's just I only have a year to stay in all the YHA hostels and so far I've only managed twenty. I'm about to spend two weeks in just four or five hostels and it will put me way behind. I might get fired." The words spilled out unstoppable and Claire felt the heat rise to her cheeks.

"Weeeell," the man drew out the sound as he considered the barrage of words. "It's nobbut eight miles from here but I couldn't say if she'll be passable. Gritter's not been through, not that she'd have been much use. And they 'aint going to plough the back roads." He stopped, seeming to register Claire's disappointment. "Though the five-one-five will be clear. Shall I ring t'Hall, see what they think?"

Claire nodded and tried not to care about the look on the man's face that suggested he feared for her sanity. _Never mind that, I fear for my sanity. But I can't be holed up in this tiny hostel for days. If I must be stuck I may as well tick another off the list. And Hartington Hall sounds like it might be less cabin-fever-inducing._

The man hung up the phone and faced Claire, his brows contracted. "Well, they've room and their roads 'aint too bad, but I still reckon you're crazy to drive that tiny tub of yours in this muck."

Claire remembered the last time she'd battled through the snow, on her way to Byrness, and wondered if she should just go back to bed. Her book called from deep in the rucksack and she could almost taste hot Earl Grey. As if sensing her wavering the man behind the desk shone a kindly smile. "Shall I just check you in for another night? We have room."

Something about his face set Claire's hackles rising. "No. I will not be defeated by the weather. Book me in to Hartington Hall. I'll get there if I have to walk."

***

TWENTY-FIVE

Claire looked at the looming snowdrift crowding the road ahead. The snow pushed through winter hedgerows like marshmallows caught in a giant's teeth. Snow in Manchester was grey and wet, like dirty slush-puppy. She'd never understood how a few inches of snow could bring the whole damn country to a halt. Now, seeing how the wind had whipped the snow ahead of it like a pack of huskies, until it buried most of the country lane, Claire understood how people became trapped in their cars. And died.

"Come on Stella, keep going. It can't be much further."

She had been driving for an hour since leaving Youlgreave hostel, against the advice of the hostel manager who clearly thought she was nuts.

I think he might be right. This wasn't my cleverest idea. I don't even have a blanket in the car, never mind a flask of tea or a shovel. I'm guessing this doesn't count as an 'essential journey' although the police who advise against non-essential travel are never specific.

Thoughts twisted through Claire's mind like eddies of snow as she concentrated on the half-concealed road ahead. Her eyes itched and she needed a wee but she suspected if she stopped the car it would refuse to start again.

I do not want to walk anywhere in this weather. Especially not with my rucksack.

It felt as if the landscape was closing in around her but it was hard to tell with the world turned to white. The first stretch of road had been flat and exposed and she prayed that rising hills meant the hostel was somewhere up ahead. Trees draped over the road, their branches bare and stark against the white sky. Claire felt as if she was driving through a tunnel. _I really hope there's a light at the end of it. And a steaming mug of Earl Grey._

At last a house materialised out of the white and Claire felt the knot in her stomach ease slightly. The need to pee took over. Driving into the village the road was clearer; more slush than snow. Claire considered abandoning the car and walking the rest of the way to the hostel but she was sure the cold air would enhance the call of nature. _I'm damned if I'm going to squat for a pee in a snowdrift._

Stella the Skoda slipped and span on the slushy road, the back end swinging out towards parked cars. Knuckles white and brow furrowed, Claire wished she was back in her bunk reading _Hunger Games_ rather than living her own adventure. _Not that negotiating parked cars in the snow is really the same as fighting for your life against your fellow man. Well, only a little bit._

Eventually the Hall came into view. Claire had no time to marvel at the stately building tucked in amid the snow-laden trees. She slid the car into what she hoped was a parking place and scrambled out. Not waiting to retrieve her bag she scuttled into reception and searched for a sign. When she couldn't see one she felt a flutter under her ribs. _Come on, come on._

A head popped up from behind the desk and a smile greeted her pained expression.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, toilets please?"

With a bemused smile the woman pointed to a door round the corner and Claire fled.

***

TWENTY-SIX

The royal-blue carpet gave Claire a headache, but the wood-burner offered too much welcome warmth to be ignored. She shifted her position on the sofa, minimising the amount of iridescent flooring visible above the pages of her book. Outside the window, snowflakes swirled and danced like winter sprites.

_Not fancying the drive to Cambridge on Thursday if this keeps up._ She wondered if there was a train. Maybe she could hire a car and come back for the Skoda after Easter. _Sky would probably rather be in a comfortable car, instead of my mucky-brown rust bucket._ Closing her eyes, Claire tried to remember what car her parents had owned when she was six and whether she'd cared. She realised she couldn't picture any memories from her early childhood. _Maybe I'm still concussed. It wasn't that long ago; twenty years. And a bit,_ her brain added. _What car would my parents have driven? They didn't have Chelsea Tractors back then._

Claire shrugged off the thought and returned to her book. She could feel the story building tension, through her shallow breaths and the pain as she chewed the inside of her cheeks. The novel wasn't her normal chick lit fare and she was surprised at how involved she had become in Katniss and Peeta's lives.

The sound of chattering children skipped through the door and Claire sighed. Generally youngsters added life and colour to the hostels but it was impossible to read with their penetrating babble -- designed to permeate a parent's brain at twenty paces. It didn't sound like a school party; the voices were too shrill and too few. She peeked over the paperback and saw two children lurking in the doorway. They were younger than Sky but not babies or toddlers. Claire had no idea how you guessed what age a child was. _Somewhere between 2 and 6 at any rate._ She smiled at them and dropped her eyes back to the page.

The words jumped and danced as she felt the tiny eyes staring at her. Raising her head she smiled again and felt compelled to fill the silence.

"Hello? Are you staying here?"

Two small faces nodded and four little feet crept closer.

"What are your names?"

The eldest, Claire guessed a boy, held his sister's hand and pushed out his chest. His high-pitched voice twanged with an accent Claire couldn't quite identify. "I'm Lucas and this is my sister Sophie. We have another baby sister, Lily. She's having her nap so Mummy told us to go and play."

Claire raised her eyebrows but didn't comment. _They seem young to be wandering round this building by themselves._ Then she thought about the snow outside. _What if they go out? They'll freeze to death._ Both children were the colour of breakfast tea, as if they spent most of their lives outdoors. _I don't know where they got a tan like that; it certainly wasn't in this country._

Bubbles of information popped in Claire's mind like fizzing champagne. The tanned skin, the unusual accent, the faces. She inhaled deeply and the smell of wood smoke from the burner released a rush of images in her mind.

_Just a coincidence, that's all. They'll have flown home already. Who would stay for a British Winter and miss an Australian summer?_ Claire reached down for her bottle of water and tried to ignore the children without seeming rude. They stood in the doorway, all eyes, as if she was the hired entertainment. She felt them looking but didn't want to make eye contact.

A shuffling noise alerted her to imminent conversation and she was exuding her best _I'm invisible_ vibe when she heard a shout from the corridor. Both children immediately turned and therefore didn't see the colour rush to Claire's face as if someone had stoked the fire to a blaze.

Footsteps echoed around the wood panelling and Claire prayed the kids would run out to greet their father. They didn't. Instead they called him in to meet their new friend.

Claire sat, shielded by her paperback, and watched the door.

"There you are, you toe-rags. When Mummy said play she meant outside the room, not on the other side of the hostel badgering guests." He leant down and scooped the children up, balancing them on either side of him like panniers.

Claire thought he would turn without noticing her and was still trying to fathom how she felt about that when Lucas piped up, "we weren't badgering you lady, were we?" and shone a toothy smile in her direction.

Josh followed his son's gaze and his eyes met hers. He paused for what felt like a hundred years. Then he smiled and Claire had to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Hello Claire."

***

TWENTY-SEVEN

"Mummy, Lucas pushed me."

"Lucas, we don't push. Say sorry please. Sophie, don't provoke your brother. I saw you snatch his Transformer. Give it back and apologise."

"No! Won't! It's _my_ turn. Lucas isn't sharing. You said we had to share our toys."

The younger child stood with her arms wrapped around her chest, bottom lip stuck out like a shelf, while her brother glared and held his hand out for the stolen toy.

"Share, yes, but we don't snatch. That's not acceptable behaviour. Give the toy back to Lucas or you will get a timeout."

Claire watched the domestic drama unfolding before her with something akin to horror. She shivered as the scene dragged out memories of her own siblings. Being the youngest she realised she must have sat, as Lily was doing now, on her Mother's lap, watching as Ruth and Robert yelled and fought. _I'm glad I don't remember._ With only two years between them, she and Ruth had mostly been allies. Robert -- six years older than Claire -- considered himself above childish games by the time she was old enough to join in.

Too busy being the school swot and doing his flute practice. Teacher's Pet.

Claire considered Josh's children, with their sun-bleached surfer hair and nut-brown skin, and thought they were far too like him to worry overly about homework. _Except Josh is a doctor, so he must have tried hard at some point. And what does it mean anyway? I worked my butt off at school and now I'm facing the sack and reading kids' books to kill the time._

The two children were still squabbling but quietly enough that Fiona chose not to intervene. Claire listened closely, hoping to glean some nuggets of parenting insight for her two weeks with Sky.

"They're not normally this bad. They're bored. We're used to chucking them outside to run off their fidgets. I didn't pack for this kind of weather though: We don't really get snow."

Claire jerked her head up and gazed at the other woman. It was the first time she had said anything voluntarily to her since they'd met up in the hostel, despite them all sitting down to dinner together. Josh had manfully kept up a stream of anecdotes and idle observations while Fiona stared at Claire through tired eyes.

Searching her brain for a sensible response, Claire cleared her throat and replied, "it's not normal this late in the year. Last March we were in t-shirts and cracking out the barbeques. Then it started raining at Easter and didn't stop until autumn."

"We don't get much rain either. No wonder you Poms talk about the weather all the time. You get so much of it." The corners of her mouth raised in a tiny smile before her attention was dragged back to peace-making between her eldest children.

Claire became aware of the tremble in her hands. Fiona intimidated her. She was so poised, and beautiful, and always calmly in control of her gaggle of kids. The prospect of having one small person under her care for a couple of weeks had Claire waking in terror.

"Does it come naturally? Being great with kids?" Claire heard the words and was shocked to find she had spoken them. Fiona looked surprised too, but not offended.

"I wouldn't say I'm great with them. It's different with your own anyway. They're not 'kids' they're _your_ kids. They have personalities, ones that are infuriatingly close to your own. So you understand them and love them for it. It means you clash too -- they know how to press your buttons, that's for sure. And no, I'm sorry to say, being a parent doesn't come naturally. You have to work at it, like anything else."

Fiona's words surprised Claire. _Ruth always makes out like being a Mother is the most natural thing. How she wanted kids more than anything and loved Sky from the minute she popped screaming into the world._

"How did you know you were ready for kids? You and Josh?"

"Ah, there's never a right time to have kids. If you're in a relationship you think will last, and you both want kids, then you just take the plunge. No one is really ready to be a parent. You learn on the job."

"Did you give up your career? I think Josh mentioned you're a doctor?"

"I haven't given it up, no. On the other hand I have been on maternity leave three years out of the last six, so I'm not legging it up the career ladder. I have the rest of my life to do that, but they're only little once." She looked at Lucas and Sophie, who were running round the sofas screaming and giggling and occasionally wrestling each other to the ground. She smiled and caught Claire's eye.

"Thank goodness."

***

TWENTY-EIGHT

"So, you're becoming Mum for two weeks? How does that feel? Thought you hated ankle-biters."

Claire willed a smile onto her face but suspected Josh could see the fear lurking beneath. "It's fine. It's only for a little while. And Sky's six, that's old and sensible isn't it? For a child?"

She turned to Josh with eyes wide and pleading. He laughed, the sun catching highlights in his hair. He seemed to have discarded his Stig-of-the-dump disguise since Fiona's arrival and Claire was conscious of a desire to feel how soft his clean hair felt under her hand.

"Depends on the child."

Dragging her thoughts back to the conversation, Claire tried to remember what question Josh was answering. _Oh yes, Sky._

"My niece is, um, a little bit highly strung." She remembered the phone-calls interrupted by Sky's screaming; the sweat-drenched awakening - the one night she had looked after Sky by herself - and couldn't suppress a shiver.

Josh wrapped an arm around Claire's shoulders and hugged her briefly. They both knew Fiona was watching from an upstairs window, as she sat feeding Lily. "You'll be fine. Keep her entertained, keep her exhausted, and keep a ready supply of chocolate in your pocket."

"Is that your advice as a parent or a doctor?"

His laugh jumped up like a spring lamb. "A parent, obviously. As a doctor I couldn't possibly recommend chocolate-bribery. Talking of which -" He turned to face Lucas and Sophie, who were rolling around in the snow, making angel shapes and throwing icy handfuls at each other. "Okay, you two. We'll be heading in shortly. Five minutes."

He turned back to Claire. "It's all about managing expectations. And when that doesn't work, bribe them!"

They stood in silence. The air between them felt heavy, with the unseen shadow of his wife, and the louder presence of his two eldest children now stuffing snow down each other's necks. She wanted to ask him how the reunion had gone, how he felt about the past, but the words seemed frozen by the icy wind swirling round the Hall.

"We fly back after Easter." Josh spoke as if answering a question and Claire smiled at his intuition. "We couldn't get flights before that and it seemed silly to leave straight away. It may not be the best time to visit the UK but as Fiona has never been we're hoping to see a few things while we're here. We went to York for a few days and we were heading for Cambridge when this happened." He gestured at the snow still lying thick on the ground, despite the bright sunshine.

Claire felt her pulse quicken. "I'm heading down that way myself, today or tomorrow. That's near where my sister lives."

"Maybe you could show us round, as a local? Can you get us into a College? To Kings?"

Claire laughed, despite the goosebumps popping up along her arms. "Anyone can visit Kings, you buy tickets at the gate. But yes, I guess Sky might like to come and meet Lucas and Sophie. What about Fiona though?" She swallowed. "I get the impression she'll only be happy where there is 15,000km between us."

Josh ran his hands through his hair and looked over to where the children were rolling a ball of snow to make a snowman, both of them pushing at the ball that was already bigger than Sophie.

"Fiona's fine," he said eventually. "You can't imagine how hard it was for her." His voice pleaded with Claire to understand. "She had no idea. Until she rang Christie and they said they'd never heard of me. She didn't know what to think."

I'm sure she did. She thought you'd left her for someone else. And then I turned up at the airport confirming her suspicions. She must have realised how similar we look. Easy to think Josh had replaced her with me - a slightly younger model unencumbered by children. He wouldn't have been the first or the last.

Claire glanced up behind her, expecting to see an accusatory face pressed against the upstairs window. The panes of glass stared blankly back at her.

"It's just one more day."

She felt Josh's hand in the small of her back and willed her body not to react. _Funny how forbidden fruit always appears juicier._ Gritting her teeth, Claire turned and looked into his earnest amber-flecked eyes.

"Sure, why not. I'll show you where to get the tastiest Greek burger you've ever had."

***

TWENTY-NINE

Claire looked up at the hills towering either side, blocking out the sun. _Bloody typical. It_ _was almost spring-like back at the hostel. I could be sitting in the lounge ignoring the awful floor covering, reading my book and drinking tea._ An image of the scene she'd left behind floated into her mind: Fiona and Josh entwined on the sofa, chatting to baby Lily, while Sophie and Lucas played snap on the bright blue carpet. Even though she was pretty certain the domestic bliss had lasted approximately five minutes before one of the children was screaming or sobbing, the sight had still left an odd taste in her mouth. _I'm better off out of it._ A morning spent in the Hall grounds with Josh's kids was sufficient to convince her peace was rare and fleeting.

I certainly didn't need to come out on a five-mile-hike to escape. Although I guess I do need something for the blog. I can't coast on the concussion excuse forever.

Her rough research had suggested a walk along Wolfscote and Beresford Dales would be picturesque and easy-going. Unfortunately the website's estimate of a two-hour circuit hadn't allowed for the snow. The path was hidden and she had slipped several times on the crunchy ice-crystals that had formed in the heart of the dale.

To her right the river Dove gushed along, swollen and grey from the melting snow water. On the internet pictures the brook had sparkled in summer sunshine. _You'd think an Advertising Director would be trained not to believe everything she sees, especially online._

The footpath snaked through tightly packed hills, making Claire feel like she was walking between a giant pair of breasts. _Lovely. Josh will piss himself when I tell him. He'll be gutted he didn't come._ Then she remembered Fiona's expression as she announced her afternoon plans, and her smile dropped away. __ Josh had glanced at his wife and met a blank stare, as if she had decided not to influence her husband's decisions. Claire hadn't been so lucky. The woman had flashed her a micro-glance that had slapped her across the face. _It wasn't necessary. I wouldn't have let him come. Wandering around with a single man is one thing, but hiking alone with a married man – even one who is just a friend – isn't my style._

Lost in her thoughts, Claire didn't realise she had left Wolfscote Dale and entered Beresford Dale until she saw the looming pile of limestone ahead of her. _Ah, the Celestial Twins. Look like lumps of rock to me._ The Twins didn't seem as impressive as they had in the pictures. Claire guessed it was because they blended into the dirty-grey snow lying thickly on the Dale floor.

She took some snaps of the edifice for the blog, before hurrying on along the path. The valley narrowed, enclosing her like a rumpled duvet, until she was striding along a gorge. Despite the blue sky and hints of invisible sunshine, the gorge was lost in shadow. Claire felt the air temperature drop even lower, but sighed with relief as the blasting wind fell away. It wasn't late but it felt oppressive in the gorge and Claire was glad when the footbridge came into sight.

She stood at the edge of the bridge, listening to the roar of the river beneath her. The water was only inches from the bridge, although the planks were still dry. _I wonder how low the water is normally and how long before the bridge is complete submerged_. As if she feared that might happen imminently, Claire forced herself to plant one boot on the wood and then another. Closing her ears to the thunderous noise, she scuttled as fast as she could across the bridge and only breathed when her boots landed in snow again.

At last the valley opened out and the sun twinkled on the horizon, dazzling Claire's eyes even though it no longer held any warmth. The field stretched ahead of Claire and she realised she had no idea which way to go. In the dales and the gorge the path had been obvious, despite being mostly buried by snow. Now, out in the open, there were no obvious markers to follow and no footsteps to show the way.

Fear tightened in Claire's chest until her ribs ached. She tried to keep calm but memories of the mugging tugged at her mind and wound up her pulse. _Great. I'm lost. The hostel is only a mile or so away. I can almost taste my cuppa and feel the warmth of the wood burner._ She shook her hands in an attempt to bring life back into them. Her fingers tingled with the loss of sensation caused by the wind penetrating her flimsy gloves. _Mental note to buy some fleece-lined gloves at the next opportunity._

Claire fumbled through her pockets for her new phone, praying there was signal. Eventually, with nerveless hands and thudding head, she managed to load up her satnav system and find out what direction would take her to the village.

I hope the drive to Cambridgeshire tomorrow is easier than this, or I'm going to be late to collect my niece. And Ruth will kill me.

***

THIRTY

Claire pushed the pedal to the floor, remembering the expression on Fiona's face when Josh broke the news of their planned Cambridge trip. Stella the Skoda groaned in protest and the speedo dial swung round to 75mph. _Damn you, car, I need speed._ She looked at the piles of snow spilling onto the inside lane of the motorway and eased her foot back. _Alright, car, you win. Just because the stupid cow looked at me like I'm a marriage wrecker, that doesn't mean I need to wreck you too. Poor Stella._

The world outside the window spread in unrelenting grey. Sky merged into snow-covered fields until Claire felt like someone had hit select-all-erase on the world. The only splashes of colour came from cars speeding past her in the outside lane, and they were mostly silver.

The lanes and the grey and the moving cars began to blur together. Claire blinked several times and wondered who had filled her eyelids with grit. _Might be time for coffee_. It had taken over an hour to drive the first dozen miles from the youth hostel to Ashbourne. Although the roads had been clearer from there to Derby and on to Nottingham, it was only when she reached the M1 that she felt able to breathe. Glancing at the dashboard clock Claire was shocked to see it was past midday. _Scrap that. I haven't got time to stop. School finishes at three. If I'm late to pick up Sky, my sister is going to disown me. Or worse._

She tried to calculate how much further there was to drive and wished she'd left earlier. _Funny how six hours seemed plenty of time to do a three-hour journey. Damn this damn snow to hell and back. If I hadn't promised Ruth, I'd be driving to the airport and boarding a flight to the Maldives. Screw Carl and his stupid vendetta._

Inhaling deeply, Claire tried to untwist the ball of panic growing in her gut. Her eyes blurred and, as she blinked them back into focus, she saw the red lights of a lorry braking ahead. _Crap. Don't tell me there's been an accident at Catthorpe. That's all I bloody need._

The traffic slowed and gently ground to a halt. _At least I don't have to worry about over-heating. If this heap of junk starts steaming in sub-zero temperatures it deserves everything it gets._ She patted the dash quickly. _Sorry car; didn't mean it. Don't fail me now, I beg you._

Claire looked at the endless line of red lights and wondered if it was time to call her sister. _Or at least Mum._ _Maybe Kim's home. Sky would be thrilled if Kim picked her up from school, especially if her hair's still tomato-red._ As she pulled her phone towards her and readied a text message the traffic began to move. Like a queue of women waiting for the loo at a festival, the lines of cars fed slowly forwards. At last Claire was on the A14 and the final stretch home.

_Please, no more accidents. I just need to be outside the school gates at 3pm._ She raised her eyes to the god of motoring and hoped he was listening. _That's all I ask. I'll give up Starbucks. Anything. Just make sure I'm not late._

A single ray of sunlight broke through the clouds ahead and bathed the scene in a warm glow. Claire felt her heart jolt, as if she had indeed received a message from the Gods.

Okay, I'll take it. But, can I just, you know, cut down on my Starbucks? Rather than a complete ban. That'd be marvellous. Thanks.

***

THIRTY-ONE

The clock ticked over to 2.37pm. Claire swore and shifted down a gear. _Come on car, you can do it._ She eyed up the dirty rear of the lorry and tried to gauge whether she could overtake it in a car with a top speed of 75mph.

2.38pm. _I don't have any choice. If I follow this bloody lorry all the way I'm definitely going to be late._ She gritted her teeth and dropped down another gear, ignoring the awful screaming from the engine that made her teeth ache. Then, praying to the Gods of motoring for the second time that day, she pressed the pedal to the floor and swung the wheel, until the Skoda leapt across to the other side of the road.

In the distance a red car sped towards her. Claire stared at it through narrowed eyes, then looked at the lorry. It was longer than she had realised. She wasn't going to make it. _Damn._ With a thudding heart and a metallic taste in the back of her throat, Claire eased off the pedal and dropped in behind the lorry. She'd just turned off her indicator when the red car whooshed past.

Claire felt tears stab the corners of her eyes. _I miss my Audi. I'd already be in the coffee shop round the corner, having lunch and getting myself ready for two weeks of hell. Instead I'm going to be lucky if I get there before the teachers start calling her mum, wondering why she hasn't been collected._

A wave of dark washed over her and she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles nearly broke through the skin. _This was a stupid idea. How am I meant to keep a tiny child alive for two whole weeks if I can't even pick her up from school on time? Face it; I'm a flake and a failure. Maybe Carl's right to be trying to sack me. Perhaps I've always been useless and I just never realised it before._

Instinctively Claire slowed the car, as she saw the lorry's brake lights in the gloom of the overcast afternoon. _Oh god, not traffic too. This isn't funny._ Then she saw the indicator light and realised the lorry was pulling off. _Halleluiah: Some luck, at last._ As soon as the lorry was clear she pushed the pedal hard and hoped there were no traffic enforcement vans parked up to catch her out. _A fine I can handle, but if they pull me over they'll be arresting me for grievous bodily harm._

At last Claire saw the sign for her destination. She turned off and sped through the winding streets of the town, not caring for once if anyone was condemning her driving. She found a parking space behind the school –in itself was a miracle – and was out the door almost before she had her seatbelt undone. Running up the lane behind the school, Claire checked the time on her phone. 2.59pm. _Phew, I'm going to make it. Thank god._

She was puffing by the time she reached the school gates, and the blood pounded loudly in her ears. Bending over to catch her breath Claire finally realised something was wrong. It was quiet. Too quiet. Aside from the whooshing in her ears and the rasps of her breathing she could hear nothing. No chattering mums, no high-pitched voices. She stood up slowly and looked at the front of the school, where a row of scooters normally stood like a racing rainbow.

Checking her phone again, Claire confirmed it was the right time and day. _Oh god, don't tell me I've got the wrong school. I'm positive Ruth told me she came to this school. Yes, I'm certain we drove past once and she pointed it out._

Claire felt the blood drain from her face and the hollowness in her stomach spread out until it consumed her.

Where the hell is Sky?

She slumped against the wall and gave in to the tears. _Ruth is going to kill me._

###

This story is continued on Amanda Martin's daily blog at http://writermummy.wordpress.com

Download Volume Four now

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**ABOUT THE AUTHOR**

Amanda Martin was born in Hertfordshire in 1976. After graduating with first class honours from Leeds University she wandered around the world trying to find her place in it. She tried various roles, in England and New Zealand, including Bar Manager, Marketing Manager, Consultant and Artist, before deciding that Writer/Mummy best summed her up. She lives in Northamptonshire with her husband, two children and labradoodle Kara and can mostly be found at http://writermummy.wordpress.com or on Twitter or Facebook.

Also by Amanda Martin:

BABY BLUES AND WEDDING SHOES

Amanda's latest release, the chick lit novel _Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes_ is available now.

5 out of 5 stars **"** **Wonderful, engaging story** **"**

" _Wonderful, engaging story by a talented writer. Pleasantly surprising depth in a plot which one might have initially assumed would be a predictable meet-cute, boy meets girl, happily ever after. A more thought provoking story evolved than expected in the beginning. Author has a nice way with descriptive words which makes one feel nearly in the room. Readers with an appreciation for a bit of reality and a bit of hopeful romantic wishful dreaming will not be disappointed by this lovely tale. Well done."_

DRAGON WRAITHS

_Dragon Wraiths_ , a Young Adult novel. Read the reviews:

4 out of 5 stars " **Pacey and engaging** "

" _This is a wonderful romp for the YA audience that definitely crosses over to Adult (which is me!). Amanda writes in a wonderfully emotive and poetic yet also pacey style and I was at once absorbed and engaged with the central character. I wouldn't call myself a fantasy fan by any stretch (the work Tolkien just makes me want to snooze...) yet I was completely onboard with this parallel world and I found the transition between them, and the entire storyline credible. I found a Harry Potter-esque sensibility to the author's use of intriguing devices and methods for the real and fantasy worlds combining - but this is not to say there is any pastiche going on. Thoroughly recommend the book - and am hoping there's a sequel on the cards!"_

4 out of 5 stars **"** **Thoroughly enjoyable read** **"**

" _Thoroughly enjoyable read. Loved how dragons and humans worked together. Very original and entertaining._ _  
_ _It's a fast paced novel that any age with imagination could enjoy. I'm way out of YA age and still loved it. The ending really made me smile._ _  
_ _I'd read another by this author."_

