 
# Chasing Series

### Book Set One

## Pamela Ann

### Contents

the chasing series

Book List

Chasing Beautiful

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Acknowledgments

35. Chasing Imperfection

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Chapter 67

The Chasing Series

Afterword

Acknowledgments

68. The Chasing Diaries

69. My heart for yours

70. My heart stopped beating

71. Building Friendships...

72. Is that doubt I feel?

73. My heart chases the beat of the drum...

Chapter 74

website

# the chasing series

**book set one**

# Book List

**chasing beautiful**

**chasing imperfection**

**chasing diaries (a novella)**

# Chasing Beautiful

book 1
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Copyright © 2013 Pamela Ann

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, the please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

**edited by**

alison & kristin
**To all loves, lost and found.**

# Chapter 1

I felt someone's presence before I was fully awake. When I managed to slightly part my eyes, I cursed inwardly from the brightness of the sunshine. _Great, I forgot to close the blinds again last night._

Willing my sleepy eyes to open a little wider this time, I was stunned to find Blake sitting on my couch, right across from me, wearing a dark scowl. _Why, oh why! Did I give him a spare key, again?_ _Ah, yes!_ _So, that he could have a place to go to if he was feeling out of sorts._ _What a genius idea that was!_

I rubbed my eyes and yawned loudly. When I finally glanced at his quiet form, he was still wearing a deep scowl on his face, and still not voicing a word.

_Okay_... "Good morning to you, too," I said with a sleepy voice that dripped with sarcasm. _What's with the attitude?_ I added inwardly.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking, Sienna?!" Blake's voice was grating and condescending, his beautifully expressive eyes—midnight blue rimmed with grey and flecks of gold in the middle—flashed with barely suppressed anger; stormy and formidable.

"Excuse me? What in the world are you yapping about, Blake?" His tone took me aback, I definitely wasn't expecting it. Was he drunk, high or something? He didn't look it, but still, that was beyond strange behavior. "Care to _enlighten_ me?" I asked, exasperated and annoyed.

I felt like someone had run me over; I probably looked it, too. _I'd give anything for coffee right now_ , I sighed at the thought.

What kind of mess was I in? I didn't recall stepping on anyone's toes before I left London to go home, _I think_. I just landed yesterday, jet-lagged and a little drained from my conversation with Luce before she left for Turkey with Toby _. And now this_...

Blake had barged in here like he owned the place with a demanding and taxing demeanor. _Wait, hold on. How did he know I'd arrived already?_ Ah, Lucy Connelly probably did the courtesy. She's my friend, my flat mate, and dating Toby Watson—Blake's best friend since childhood. I met Lucy at a college party. She was sweet and genuine, we'd hit it right off. She casually mentioned that the woman who she shared an apartment with left for New York to follow her boyfriend. So I'd immediately inquired about the vacant room.

I was living in student housing then, but needed my own place—away from cat-fights, drunken noise and drama. She offered excitedly and wanted me to check it out the next day. I moved in two days later and our friendship blossomed to the point where we became each other's closest confidant.

She went to school with Toby and Blake at the London School of Economics. When she started dating Toby, two weeks after I moved in, I became friends with the two men; more so with Blake, though. We'd just clicked. That was a little over eight months ago.

"I ran into Lucy last night in Toby's flat, and she casually mentioned that you came back, without telling anyone, might I add. So, OBVIOUSLY, I wanted to visit you, but she stopped me, revealed that you were in a delicate state. So, of course, my curiosity was piqued. I badgered her until she told me what she knew and learned about your ' _little interlude_ ' with Kyle, _while his girlfriend was on the premise_. I believe that the intention of 'closure,' indeed, was lost on you." Blake's furious expression deepened when he said 'little incident.' _Oh, shit._

I blushed.

Shit-fuck-shit.

_He probably thinks I'm a hussy now, giving in to Kyle's advances._

I glanced away from him quickly. _Is he ticked off that I haven't called him about what happened and instead, learned it from Lucy?_ He even managed to sound hurt?

I'm sort of in a tricky situation; Kyle cheated on his girlfriend—with me. When I told Luce, she was shocked and felt wretched for me. So, it was no surprise really that Blake was angry.

"Yeah, about that... it was merely a moment of madness—I'm shattered about it. I mean, who wouldn't be in my situation? My emotions got the best of me," I said lamely. Or maybe I was just plain horny and had made a beeline for it!

I wanted to erase the whole entire visit back home from my lagging memory.

"How could __ you put yourself in that position? I didn't understand the bloody need to go and get 'closure'. He __ already started seeing someone else before he called to break it off with you. _Have you forgotten about that?_ He's a cheater! Yet you still went prancing back to Los Angeles, and to make matters worse, he took advantage of that. You were intoxicated and placed yourself in _danger_!" His scowl deepened. "You could've been hurt, Sienna."

I was, not in the way he was implying, but my heart and pride were crushed. "Good God. I was in no way or shape in any danger. You seriously exaggerate and blow things out of proportion! Really now, Blake... it's Kyle we're talking about here. He would never hurt me, not like that." I fidgeted with my lemon chiffon-colored, six hundred count sheets, trying to gather ground.

_Was it really pathetic to look for closure? No, but if the guy in question had cheated, surely closure is out of the question?_ My thoughts queried.

Blake sighed deeply and got up from the couch, standing in front of me, holding out his hand. His frame dominated the room. It was a pretty decent size, but put Blake's presence anywhere and the result would be the same; size be damned. He had that pulling power around him and his dark good looks just enhanced it.

He was dressed in nude chino shorts, a blue dress shirt that was pushed back to his elbows and tan, soft-leather loafers. He looked like he had just stepped out of a Dolce & Gabbana summer photo shoot. Sometimes I wish he was average looking; then it would be easier to look at him without melting.

A few strands of his wavy locks fell onto his forehead. Looking down at me, his beautiful face was complacent. "I made the courtesy of brewing some coffee. Come, you look like you need some." _Oh, don't I just._ I took his outstretched hand and he pulled me out of bed. "I was worried, Sienna. I care for your well-being. Don't be cross." I looked down, not meeting his gaze.

The man towered over my five-foot-two stature. Blake inhaled deeply, smelling my forehead before kissing it then he grabbed my hand and we walked towards the kitchen where the smell of freshly brewed coffee emanated, drawing me closer.

He didn't utter another word until I'd had my first sip of caffeine. "How are you really feeling? Okay? Not okay?" Blake was studying my reaction, pensive.

"Yes—no— _I don't know?_ Can one ever be okay after a broken heart?" I shrugged. "I'm sure I'll move on, but I doubt I'll put my heart out there like that again. It was traumatizing enough doing it once. Being vulnerable is something I don't take lightly—with my background and all." I sipped my scalding coffee without batting an eyelash. It was true; vulnerability reminded me of my demoralizing childhood and Hell would freeze over before I put myself in that compromising position again.

Blake's handsome head nodded in agreement with evident understanding. He had an idea of my rotten years of misery, but had never really pushed me to talk about it. I appreciated it and respected him for it.

Both of our parents died when we were young and it was something we have in common. It gives us a platform of understanding. A place where we don't have to explain, but we simply understand the pain, the loss, the daunting uncertainty of loneliness and the frightening feeling of what looms on the horizon.

Blake and I immediately became close after Lucy started dating Toby. We liked the same books, shows, board games, amongst other things. We hit it off right off the bat and hung out once a week or so when he wasn't busy with his women, and there'd been a lot.

In the beginning, both Luce and Toby thought we would start dating, too, but after a few months of insinuating, they finally let-up—accepting the fact that we clearly _were_ just friends, platonic friends. I must admit that, at times, my mind drifts off and I imagine what it would be like to date someone like Blake. Six-foot-three, all muscles and the most arresting face; full lips, straight nose, chiseled jaw and his unique eyes were hypnotizing.

Sometimes I got caught up staring into those eyes and forgot where I was. Blake was the sexiest man—sinfully beautiful—my eyes had ever graced. I always snapped myself back to reality when I reminded myself that he was only a good friend and he dated tall, beautiful, leggy, statuesque women; preferably lingerie models. My Coca-Cola-bottle-shaped form did not stand a chance. Sure, most red-blooded males find me desirable and gorgeous, but with Blake, I simply felt Plain Jane.

"...so it should be okay, right?" I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying and my dumbfounded look seemed to annoy him. Glaring at me and combing his hair with his right hand, he looked frustrated. Something was bugging him. "Sienna... I was asking you if you wanted to eat breakfast."

"You haven't had breakfast yet? How come? You never leave anywhere without eating first thing in the morning..." I trailed off. "Hold on, how long have you been here, sitting and scowling at me like a bear with a sore head?!" My accusing green-gold eyes held onto his midnight silver blue.

"Awhile..." I glared at him some more, not budging. "Okay, okay. I think... quite possibly around four in the morning, I suppose?" He looked sheepish admitting that and he started to run his fingers through his dark locks, again. That habit comes out when he's anxious. He didn't know that I know that, but I've noticed it enough. I notice everything about him.

_Did I hear that right? He's been here since four in the morning?_ "WHAT!?!" _Oh, hell_. He was really pushing it. People break-up and get hurt all the time. There was no need to go to such lengths on my account.

"I was concerned about you. I was worried and wanted to see for myself that you were okay. You're one of my closest friends, Sienna. Sometimes, even more than Toby; I didn't want some bloody, idiotic wanker treating you badly—as though you're worth _nothing_! You weren't picking up your bloody phone so I rushed over—like the good friend that I am—checking if you'd drunk yourself to a stupor or what of it."

"I was sleeping! So obviously, it was on silent!" I snapped at him.

_He has a very active imagination. How will he run his granddad's empire if he's extremely paranoid? The whole company will crumble under his thumb in a week!_ The thought made me smile. That would be a sight to see. Knowing how he was, though, he'd excel and surpass everyone's expectations like he always did.

His frown deepened.

I scowled.

Not able to stand the feeling of being at odds with him, I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the couch.

Our living room was painted in egg-shell yellow and consisted of two huge couches, a HD television and a coffee table as well as other knick-knacks to make it warm and inviting. The contrast of dark, wooden floor and a huge, baby blue area rug gave it a homey, cozy feel. It was spacious and airy at the same time, never stifling. I loved that flat. I felt like I belonged here.

We sat next to each other on one of the dark, mustard colored couches, touching at our shoulders and thighs. I glanced down and studied the outline of his well-toned, muscular thighs, my eyes full of admiration. Uncomfortable, I looked at my very skimpy, cotton, soft-pink baby doll dress and felt a little flustered.

_How the heck did I manage to forget that I'm wearing almost next to nothing?_ I tried to cover my thighs by pulling it down more, but there was very little fabric to pull.

_Get over it, I told myself. Blake won't be interested. Might as well strip naked and test it. He'd probably beg you to get dressed before you embarrassed both of us more._ I smirked at the thought.

I tended to push his buttons a lot, much to his dismay.

"Look, Blake, I apologize for my rude behavior. I'm sure if something happened to you, I would do the exact same thing. I was just taken aback. Thank you for caring. It means a lot to me. I suppose I should've seen it coming with Kyle. We hadn't seen each other for nine months and we'd grown apart tremendously. The signs were there, but I ignored them. Somehow, deep down, I might've guessed that it was bound to happen. Kyle was a big part of my past and it's sad that things had to end this way. We could've parted on nicer terms, but it happened and I just have to accept that." That seemed to lighten his mood; just a _tad_ bit.

I took his right hand with my left and squeezed it tightly. Holding it, he took his other hand and touched my chin, making me look straight into his eyes, our faces only a few inches apart. I felt my stomach drop and I was mesmerized. _I've never been this close to Blake. WOW! He easily takes my breath away. He's so beautiful! Be still, my heart._

"Are you sure you're okay? Tell me, honestly? I want to beat his bloody ass to a pulp for hurting you! I warned you about that trip." _Obviously still angry and frustrated, I see._

Blake was such a good friend, maybe even a best friend. He cared for me. There were only a few that did and I'd treasure them forever. I suddenly felt like I had a lump in my throat.

I cleared my throat and reached out to hug him. "I'm a bit better now, Blake. Don't fuss about me! Sure, it was awful—you know—but the whole ordeal made me look at the bigger picture and I realized that I can't hold on to the past... even if it is something I hold dear to my heart. I have to let it go and move on," I whispered to him as my head nestled on his broad shoulder. I moved a little closer to his neck, wanting to rest my head and fall back to sleep again. He smelled delicious, which was a combination of a hint of lemon aftershave and something masculine.

He smelled divine; I sighed loudly. _How ironic is this? He came here to console me and here I am thinking naughty thoughts about him?_

I hate it when I got this weird feeling with Blake; it happened once in a while and, to be honest, it made me act awkward afterwards. I was a woman and just because he was my friend, it didn't make me immune to his charms or his striking looks. _Or his mouth-watering smell_. GAH!

I released him from my hug and sat back to enjoy my coffee.

Clearly my reaction to his smell bothered me. "Let's get you out. Let's do something fun; after we have breakfast at The Wolseley?" Blake looked like he was trying to conjure a plan.

"Like what?" I thoughtfully asked him, knowing well enough that he didn't quite know what the heck it was. He loved throwing ideas out and acting on them, spontaneous man that he was.

"Whatever you fancy," he said it with purpose as he sat back, splaying both arms on the back of the couch, legs both on the table, resembling a Greek god, lazing about with sheer contentment. His strong, thick, powerful legs were showcased before my lustful eyes.

_Is there anything this man is made of that isn't sinful_? Everything about him screamed of sin and sex and I was hot and bothered. _Am I always this hyper-aware of Blake?_ _Has it always been like this_? Quite possibly. It was too much; my sleepy state couldn't process the heavy confusion and the coffee seemed to be working weakly.

Hell.

"Knightly, it was your idea. If you ask me, I'd rather sit at home and just sleep some more. Oh! How about we just watch movies here all day on the couch?" I smiled sweetly at him. _Give in, please. I don't want to shower and get dressed_ , I thought lazily.

"That would not be a good idea, poppet. Get up, you little skive, and get dressed! I'll have it figured out before we leave, all right?" Blake ordered, giving me his signature killer smile complete with his sexy dimples showing.

I loved it when he called me poppet in that cute, British accent. Truth be told, I had a hard time saying no to him when he dished out _that_ type of smile and he bloody well knew it.

I groaned, got up and threw a hap-sack pillow at his head. "This better be worth my time, Knightly." I gave him my I'm-not-so-amused face and started to leave when he suddenly pulled me down next to him on the couch.

"Do you trust me?" Indeed, I did. I nodded and went to my room to get changed.

Why was he being so intense about the whole Kyle thing? It was absolutely uncanny. I wasn't sure if I liked him being that way towards me.

# Chapter 2

Showered and ready to go, I gave myself a once over in the full-length mirror that hung on my bathroom door. I wore a powder blue, cotton dress that fitted tightly around my torso and flared nicely at the bottom, sitting two inches above my knees. I accented the dress with mustard-colored, wedge espadrilles and hastily placed my naturally wavy, dark hair in a loose bun, evoking simplicity while still achieving a sexy look.

I applied tinted moisturizer, pink gloss and just enough mascara to bring out my bright green eyes with a burst of gold popping out of them. It was one of my best features. Even if I felt like death inside, I needed to look at least presentable. It was part of the coping mechanism I learned when I was ten-years-old—always look put together.

My golden-brown skin could be credited to my Brazilian/Caucasian mixed heritage. Spritzing my signature Coco Mademoiselle, I grabbed my tan Botkier tote and headed towards where Blake was patiently waiting for me.

I found him in the kitchen on the phone. He turned around and gave me a swift examination before ending the call. "Ready?" he politely asked, as he stayed rooted to his spot.

"Yep."

"To breakfast, _milady_." He held out his arm to link with mine.

I smiled stupidly at him as we walked out the door and straight to the elevator. "Figured anything out yet?" I questioned, referring to 'his plan of action'.

"Sorted as promised, but it's a surprise..." He looked impish and smug so I nudged him.

As we emerged from the elevator, we headed towards the main entrance. "You have got to be joking! Why does it have to be a surprise? I _hate_ surprises!" I exclaimed. I _did_ hate surprises because surprises were horrible, _every_ single time. So, I was a tad skeptical about that one.

"You did agree to trust me; remember, poppet?" he asked, gazing at me with a playful smile as the sunshine accentuated his beautifully sculpted features, making him look annoyingly sexy as we hit the sidewalk.

A few women who passed by stared openly at him. A harried woman stopped, halting in her tracks, awed, and just ogled—previous destination long forgotten as she was rooted to the cement sidewalk. Yeah, yeah he was hot. _So, What?_ I wanted to snap that woman out of her trance.

Don't get me wrong; I adored Blake. I thought he was smart, articulate, funny, crazy talented and had a heart of gold, which was reserved for those he trusted, but it could be exhausting to be his friend. Lucy had the same problem. We were the only women that Blake was friends with so we were constantly hounded for trivial information. _Anything_ , to help them out, they'd say. "Right, if Blake really wanted a woman, he'd pursue her relentlessly, not the other way around," had been the reply out of Lucy's very owns lips.

I go to a Fashion School, majoring in Fashion Marketing, and of course, the women there asked me about him after he picked me up from school once. He was parked on the curb and leaning on his sexy car looking absolutely delicious; that alone drove questions from six— _SIX!_ —adult, grown women who had their panties twisted. The girlfriends I brought from school to party with us a few times brought hysterics into the mix at their first glance. Like "OMG, have you SEEN that ASS?" or "HOLY FUCK! He's GORGEOUS!" or "Shit, Sienna, can you hook me up?" There was more, but I don't want to elaborate any longer; it was taxing on my precious sanity. Blake, of course, never hooked-up with any of them because they weren't lingerie model material.

Glancing at him, I shrugged. "Yeah, right," I said, thinking that this surprise better not suck or I was going back to my bed to wallow, sleep and then wallow some more.

_Jet-lag, thoughts of Kyle... what else?_

_Kyle... did he know I'd left home?_ Home was Los Angeles for me and where Kyle was. My best friend, my protector... my first love, my first everything—before he totally broke my heart almost a month ago when I got _that_ call.

Kyle and I had practically grown up together. He lived a few houses down from me. We were each other's strength ever since we were seven years of age and we'd never grown apart, until I left for school in London. After a few months, he started being distant and talked to me over the phone only very reluctantly, and when he did, he was extremely nonchalant. I explained away his attitude with viable reasons such as he missed me or he couldn't stand having me so far away from him and all. I had ignored the warning signs all too easily.

Wanting to bridge the wedge between us, I decided to surprise him. I had a two-week window in between semesters so I could easily visit him, but before I booked the ticket, he called me.

I was the one surprised.

That call had shattered everything that I'd believed Kyle and I had along with my belief that we were invincible. He told me that he'd met someone else and he had been seeing her for a month. He justified his actions by stating that it was too difficult without me there and he was lonely.

_Lonely?!_

Two years of being together, not to mention that we'd been best friends since the age of seven, thrown out the window because he was _lonely_?! What a cruel joke.

Of course, Luce, Chad and Blake consoled me and all three begged me to forgo my trip to Los Angeles. They'd argued that he wasn't worth it and I might just end up regretting the decision. However, I held my ground and still managed to book that blasted airline ticket.

I wasn't a coward and I needed to see it for myself. To hear him say it—I _needed_ him to _tell me_ that it was over.

Guiding me to the parked Black One 77 Aston Martin on the curb, Blake opened the door and let me in. The heady perfume of leather and Blake's signature aroma annihilated my nostrils, making my stomach churn; I _love_ his smell.

Opening his door, he slid onto the black leather seat next to me, pulled out his aviator shades and started the engine, pulling into traffic towards Piccadilly. Some of his hair fell on the side, looking like a sinfully sleek rock god, in control and dominating.

_What's with Italian men and glorious hair, anyway?_ Even if he was only half Italian—he'd certainly got the coloring and the hair thing going on. I couldn't help my thoughts sometimes. My reaction towards him came naturally. He was simply too damn sexy.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" I asked, looking at him to see his facial expression.

He smirked. "No, not really."

I frowned at his answer. "But... why? You could've confronted me in the morning, Blake. Why the need to show up that _late_?" I was nursing my ego, pride and my heart, but I certainly was not suicidal.

Blake exhaled deeply, his voice dark. "I needed to see with my very own eyes that you were not crying into oblivion or drowning in alcohol. I was worried. It didn't help that you were alone in the flat and I reprimanded Lucy for leaving you in the state that you were in, even if she argued that you wanted to go straight to bed." He looked so serious and started to get angry again.

"It's not Lucy's fault that I showed up unannounced a week earlier than arranged, and besides, they had planned a trip to Turkey. I wasn't about to have her stay back here because I had my heart broken. That's ludicrous! She was worried, but I convinced her to leave me alone. I needed to be left alone last night and I thought, deep down, she knew that it was what I needed." Blake looked pensive and seemed not to buy my argument.

I tugged at his shirt. "Blake, you can't seriously be mad at Lucy. She didn't do anything wrong," I was adamant that he believe me. I wasn't going to let him be mad at Lucy and he knew it, too. He was merely trying to drive me insane. They were my friends and they meant a lot. They'd become like family.

Taking my hand and linking his fingers with mine, he placed both of our hands on his thigh before he spoke. "I hate seeing you hurt, Sienna. You're one of my best friends; I cannot endure you being shattered and vulnerable. You always had this easy going, happy attitude about you, and after you got that call, you've changed. I know you're hurt, poppet, but let me _help_ you ease some of the pain? You're not alone in this. If the situation were reversed, you would do exactly the same thing for me. Let me take care of you until you're better."

Surprised and astonished by his speech, I gathered my dumbfounded brain to make a response. _How lucky am I to have a friend like Blake?_ He didn't talk much about his family, but from what I had gathered from Toby, to those he let in, he'd be their friend for life. A sort of til-death-do-us-part type of loyalty.

Blake sounded too serious and I needed to lighten up the mood. Quirking my left eyebrow at him I asked, " _Ease_ some of my pain, Knightly? Wonder how _easily_ you can manage that! Tell me where and when and I'll show up, _milord_." I wore a seductive smile as I batted my lashes at him, going for the full effect. _Yeah, sucker!_

He flashed his magnetic smile as he swiftly parked the car and killed the engine, giving me his undivided attention. "Are we frisky today, my sweet?" he drawled, brushing subtle strokes on my arm that still held his right hand. _Ha, I see how you're going to play this. Two can play that game._

"¿Cuánto me quieres, _papi_?" _How much do you want me, papi?_ I purred at him, knowing full well he spoke fluent Spanish amongst other languages. Papi meant daddy, but it was widely used as an endearment in other Spanish-speaking countries, mostly in a sexual situation.

I leaned over him, inhaling his smell as I whispered seductively, "Te deseo, papi— _dentro_ de mí." _I want you, papi—inside me._ Pulling back, I bit my lip and gazed at him through my lashes for the full-effect.

His chiseled jaw dropped while the air crackled, heavy with arousal. I felt him hold my hand tighter. He swallowed hard and groaned. _Okay_. I kind of over did that, but I couldn't help teasing him. I just wanted to see if he would take the bait and he had.

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. It was simply too intense; I had to figure out a way to diffuse the weird situation I had gotten myself into. Laughing always seemed to work.

"I'm sorry; I got carried away. I couldn't help teasing you. The opportunity was there and I just had to grab it!" I smiled at him with pure innocence.

He laughed his throaty, sexy laugh, too. "Woman, you almost gave me a heart attack! That was some sexy stuff you just pulled. You're lucky I didn't take the bait and have my wicked way with you!" With a sexy wink, he opened his door to get out of the car.

He went to my side, opened the door and offered his hand to help me out. Chivalry's always alive and kicking with Blake and Toby. I was lucky to have found Lucy as my flat mate and to have made very good friends with those two caring men, Blake especially.

"Did you make a reservation?"

"Don't worry about anything. I got it handled," Blake said reassuringly. I nodded. I was sure he had. I mean, did men like him need reservations, anyway?

"Mr. Knightly, how lovely it is to see you again. How is your grandfather?" questioned the maître d', a middle-aged man wearing a suit and thick glasses, as he ushered us to our table.

"He's lovely, thank you." Blake responded casually, placing his hand on my back as we headed to our table.

"Here we are! Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you, Mr. Knightly. Good to see you again. Enjoy," he said enthusiastically, looking at Blake and then me.

"Thank you, Gerard." Gerard gave a light nod, smiled towards me and stealthily left our table.

I knew his granddad came here often with him. Blake adored his grandfather. He had taken him in when Blake was ten-years-old, after both of his parents had tragically died in an avalanche in the Swiss Alps while skiing on their wedding anniversary. I met his grandfather, William, once during my visit to Blake's flat in Mayfair when his grandfather decided to give him a surprise visit. He was charming and engaging. From the affectionate way they interacted, I knew they loved each other deeply. I was happy for Blake because, even though tragedy had struck him, he still had a loving family member to care for and support him unconditionally, unlike me.

"I'll have Eggs Benedict and a cappuccino, please." I didn't need to look over the menu. I knew what I wanted.

"A woman with a hearty appetite. I like that." I snorted and laughed. _Ha! I'm sure you do._

"What's so funny?"

"You."

He raised a brow, curious and waiting. " _And_?"

I shrugged. "It's just—you know—you only date models or ones that look it and I bet those types hardly eat or, if they do, simply nibble at their food. I'm sure," I said sarcastically. _Why does he date only women that look like that?_ I hadn't pegged him to be a shallow man, but then again, I supposed his libido made the decisions. I truly was curious and wanted to know the truth, however I didn't have the nerve to actually voice _that_ question out loud.

"I do not!"

I shrugged, not wanting to argue.

After the waiter had come and taken our order, Blake had to go outside to take a business call. I was left to my own devices, so I pulled out my phone and texted Jen. I let her know that I had gotten back okay, that she shouldn't worry about me and I would call her as soon as I got a chance. She was a good friend from back home and was one of the people in my support system. She was there with me when I saw Kyle with his new girlfriend. Thinking about that made my stomach churn and burn with acid.

Fuck.

The bitch gave me a smirk and held Kyle's arm, looking at me with a scornful expression. I didn't go back there to steal him from her. I just needed closure, but I'd gotten more than I had bargained for.

# Chapter 3

Saturday, Santa Monica,

Katie's Beach House Party

8 days ago

"What's your choice of poison?" The über hot bartender asked, wearing only surfer shorts and a garter bowtie to complete his ultra-surfer look. Hot might be understated, more like scrumptious. Exotic with caramel eyes and a to-die-for smile accompanied by perfect teeth.

I giggled like a schoolgirl. "Um, I'd like a lemon drop and a..." I trailed off glancing at Jen.

"What would you like to drink, Jen?"

"I'll have sex on the beach, babe," she said with a wink. _I'm sure she just wants that with a little sand and soft waves. Flirt._

He started setting up our drinks as I pulled Jen next to me. She was still looking at the bartender through her eyelashes and I knew right then and there that she had already set her sights on him.

"Jen, we just got here, _can the flirting wait?_ I kind of need you to stick with me tonight. I sort of need armor, or more like a shield," I said with an antsy smile and pleading tone.

"Doll, you can't be seriously hung up on Kyle still, are you?" Jen asked accusingly, her brows furrowed.

"Umm... well, I don't know... I want to talk to him—"

"What do you mean you don't know? He cheated! You _can't_ second guess that, sweetie. He's moved on, and from what I've heard, things have been getting steadily serious."

That did sound like a very good point.

Steady and serious. Huh. Wow. _How could he do this to me?_ To _us_?

I wanted to scream and lash out at him, but it wouldn't change what he'd done. I guess he didn't want to wait; he wanted a change. I was hoping to catch him tonight and talk. I didn't try calling his phone because I wanted to see his face. I needed this closure so I could bury the hatchet forever and never look back with regret. I needed a clean slate, no doubts hanging about in my semi-lucid brain.

I knew he was going to show up; he always showed up at parties and I didn't doubt that his ladylove would be with him, too.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter... just hang with me for a bit okay? I promise to take you for fro-yo tomorrow," I said as I avoided her question. I couldn't answer that myself at that moment. That had always been our go-to place; second to Starbucks.

"Here you go, ladies! Enjoy!" purred the _hot-tender_.

"Thanks," we said, synchronized.

"Okay, I'll stick with you for a while, but not long. I don't want someone else snagging that nice piece of meat before I do! God, have you seen that tight body?" Jen delightfully noted, glancing back to the bartender before heading to the beach where some people we knew from high school were located.

"I want to just drag him somewhere dark and see if those lips live up to my imagination! Do you think he'll be into me?"

I glanced at her like she had two horns on her head. "Have you gone mad, hon? You know you're a knockout, right? Besides, he was totally checking you out."

Seriously, sometimes I thought she didn't really know how beautiful she was. That part of Jen was the doing of a stupid, selfish ex-boyfriend who'd mentally and emotionally derided her and she totally succumbed to the douchebag's manipulative ways because she had been blinded by love.

In love or not, a person didn't deserve to be treated like that. That type of abuse could take a long time to recover from. Had I known that in the beginning, I would've snatched her away from Tony. However, for three years she'd never said a word about any of it. From the outside, everything seemed undeniably perfect. Everyone had always thought they were perfect for each other. I did, too. I adored Tony. That's why, when she confessed her dilemma, I took charge and let her stay with me until everything blew over and until Tony realized that she was serious about leaving him. Our senior year, she started to blossom into her own person and had been loving life ever since.

Most men I knew had a hard time resisting Jen when she was on the prowl—there was no chance in hell her chosen man could escape. Who would really want to resist someone who resembled Heidi Klum in the looks department? Apart from Jen having killer looks, she had a sharp mind and she was currently studying at USC to be a lawyer. She'd make a killing out of that one.

"Jen! Sienna! Good of you beautiful ladies to grace us with your presence tonight!"

"Mickey! I've missed you!" I laughed, giving him a huge hug and a peck on the cheek.

Mickey's the kind of guy who was always nice and respectful. He was second generation Samoan and had the size of one, too. He played defense on our football team at Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks. You'd never catch him talking crap about other people, though. He had never been that kind of jock. Jen and I adored Mickey, everyone did.

"Nice to see you again, Jen!" Mick gave her a quick bear hug and released her with a grin.

"You, too, Mick." She jokingly punched his arm before she headed towards some other people we used to hang out with. I casually waved at the group and continued to stick with Mick. I didn't want to go over there and hangout. It would just invite questions and gossip about Kyle that I wasn't ready to discuss.

I scanned the area for any sightings of Kyle, but it seemed he had yet to arrive. I looked back at Mickey who seemed to be studying me with a twinkle in his eye.

"Looking for someone in _particular_ , Sienna?" _Fishing, I see._

"Huh? Oh, no. Just taking in the scene and seeing who else I know here. It feels good to be back home again, Mickey! I forgot how beautiful it was out here during summer time."

Indeed, it was a magnificent night. The full moon was up high and bright amidst the darkened sky. It was illuminating the ocean and making it look breathtakingly ethereal, serene and peaceful. The waves lapped softly on the shore and I felt calm inside, wishing Blake was here with me. He would have liked it. My trio of friends had offered to come, but I'd refused them. I needed to do this one on my own.

"How are you?" I asked as I sat on the wooden lounger, glancing back to Mickey and enjoying my cold, alcoholic beverage.

"Actually, a lot has been going on, man. I'm leaving for Alaska next week to help out my dad. He's been feeling exhausted from running the business. So, it's my turn to step-up and help the family," he said solemnly.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Mick. I recall you weren't really fond of that place," I said, empathizing with his situation.

"Damn right, but I got to help the family out, so there's no other option." He took a chug of his Corona, studying the sand on his feet.

There was someone hollering from behind me so I twisted my head to glimpse who the culprit was. Kyle was hugging and high-fiving people along the way. His other right hand was attached to a very attractive blonde who was gazing and smiling lovingly at him.

_Perfect. Just bloody, fucking perfect._

I felt awkward and anxious. _Fuck. Should I go over and say hi? Maybe I should play indifferent?_ I castigated myself for being idiotic. _Come on, Sienna,_ I scolded myself. _Deep breaths and think of something relaxing._

Crap-fuckity-crap.

"'Kay there, doll?" Jen sat next to me with her arm loosely on my shoulder.

"Course! Should we get more drinks?" _Might as well get some encouragement from my old pal, The Don, Patron._

"Oooo! Shots?! That should get us going!"

"Hell, yeah!"

"Bring on the happy face, doll. Don't let him see anything else." I nodded, not wanting to say anything else. She was right, of course.

We got up and headed back to the house. I knew we would be passing Kyle at any moment so I willed myself to play it cool and not take it too seriously. _Who cares if we dated two gloriously fun-filled years? Really, who cares?_ Uh! I was getting idiotic after only one drink.

"Hey, Jen! _Sienna_ , _you're back_ ," greeted a merry-looking Kyle.

"Hey there! Congratulations on your internship! I'm hearing that they'll hire you before you even finish school," Jen playfully said to Kyle. They got on so well back in the day, it was no wonder they were falling back into an easy banter.

Kyle's working with his father now. He loved music. He'd grown up with it, learning everything and anything music related from his father. His dad owned a major record label company here in LA so it was a no brainer that he'd be following in his dad's footsteps. Most importantly, he loved to scour for musicians that had depth and soul in them in order to help them be successful in the music industry. He was quite passionate with his work and I remembered how he used to light up and get all excited when talking about it.

"Ha ha! How I've missed your craziness!" Kyle said with his deep, playful laugh. _God, I've missed that laugh. Here goes my stupid brain._

I looked like a complete idiot standing there next to Jen while they were catching up. His girlfriend, whom he hadn't introduced yet, was curiously eyeing Jen and me. _Did Kyle talk about me? Is that why she's eyeing me up and down now?_ Hah. Bitch.

Kyle turned his attention to me and his laughter died the minute our eyes met. His hazel eyes looked intense and fiery. His face looked calm, but I knew, deep down, he was mad. Damn, he looked gorgeous.

A deep ache settled in my heart. _I miss him_.

His white v-neck shirt outlined his defined torso and arms. _My word, is he more buff and defined or what?_ My eyes roved all over him. _Yes, he's been working out_. His body was a lean, muscular type; different from Blake's physique, but still downright sexy.

"How long are you here for? I didn't expect you to be back for your break—would've thought you'd be traveling all over Europe or somewhere much more exotic rather than coming back here to _plain,_ old Los Angeles," he said cuttingly with barely hidden bitterness lacing his words.

"Um, I've missed Jen and needed to tie up some loose ends with the conservatorship (outright lie) so, I decided to come back during break. It's only two weeks anyway so I won't be staying long." _Shit, I sound so lame. Couldn't I come up with something better to say?_ Sigh.

_Why was he being all cold, anyway?_ He was the one who broke-up with me.

"Right, anyway ladies, I want you to meet my amazing girlfriend, Brooke," he announced as he hooked his left arm around his _amazing_ girlfriend. She had a huge, cat-like, fake smile and a massive rack. GAG. She looked fake, an absolute Blonde Bimbo.

She was clingy, giggly and used a whiney voice like a little girl—it made me want to scratch the wall with my nails. I hated her already, and from the look of pure disdain she was giving me, the feeling was mutual. Since when was Kyle attracted to BB's anyways? He'd always made fun of them.

"Hey! Pleasure to meet you people—but we must go and mingle with others. Kyle? I see some of your friends are already in the tub. Let's go! I can't wait to get you wet, baby!" she said coaxingly as she grabbed his hand and left for the tub at lightning speed. Nice, she was amazing indeed.

Not.

# Chapter 4

"N _ice_ girlfriend there," Jen remarked when Kyle and BB walked away.

"Don't mention it. I know you're dying with questions, but let's skip it tonight, okay?" I pleaded.

The house was in full-on grinding, party mode as the speakers pounded, blaring "Birthday Cake" by Rihanna.

"Hey! Why don't you stay put and mingle with the eager men out here, hmm? I'll go get us our drinks, lemon drop or a shot?" Jen suggested. I looked at Jen with a raised eyebrow. I knew she was going to go check out the hot-tender and have her wicked way with him, so I wasn't going to trouble myself by getting in line for drinks.

"How about both, please? I'm in dire need of them." I winked at her as I fished out my phone from my purse and checked for messages.

I got three emails from friends back home—Chad, Blake and from Lucy/Toby.

From: Lucy Connelly

Subject: Miss you!

Be strong and don't forget to enjoy! In case you forgot... you're on vaca, too!

See you when you get back!

WE love you,

Lucy and Toby xxxxx

Lucy's message made me smile. She liked to smother people with as much x's as she could in her messages and I loved her for it.

From: Chad Wilson

Subject: Guess What!

Baby girl! You would never guess! I just got a spot on a show! I'm so psyched! Couple of months away, though, but shit! This is crazy! How's vacation? Call me the moment you land on Heathrow!

I miss you, lover!

Your ever sexy java-mamba friend,

C xxx

_Oh, Chad! I'm so happy for you!_ I couldn't help getting excited for him. He was an artist—a photographer to be precise—and he was quite gifted. Finally! After a few months of being depressed, this was a very good opportunity for him. It was a competitive field out there and that show was going to be his big break!

Opening my message from Blake, I suddenly felt warm knowing my friends were supporting me even if they weren't physically here.

From: Blake Knightly

Subject: Poppet

Hanging in there, poppet? Make it short and quick. No need to linger with the bloody tosser! We still have a few episodes to catch up with Game of Thrones so you better bring your cute butt back home immediately! Or better yet—want me to come get you, Sienna? I'll book the next flight out or I could use one of the company jets to fetch your tenacious self. Don't doubt me because I bloody will drag you back to England, if I must. Two weeks without you or Toby (since he decided to permanently attach himself to Lucy's side) has been uneventful to say the least. The break-up with Camille didn't help much. The woman was painstakingly relentless wanting to move in with me. Got to dash, but don't forget about my offer about coming back early! I'm only a text or phone call away. I miss you.

P.S. MAKE YOUR TRIP SHORT!

BK

* * *

_Cute_? My butt was anything other than cute! I got the junk to back it up. How could he say it was just cute? _Because he thinks you're just cute—you're just you, DUH?_

I should've been used to it with Blake, I mean, we're friends, but as good-looking as he was, I wanted him to see the other side of me. Not the reliable, good friend side, but the attractive, sexy side of me, at least just once. But no, he has been impervious and treated me as nothing more than his buddy from his boarding school days.

_He and Camille broke-up? She wanted to move in with him after barely two months of dating?_ I could picture Blake's reaction perfectly; mortified, racing for the hills. He abhorred it when he felt as if he was being trapped. He'd confessed as much when I had first met him; he was in a similar predicament at that time, too.

Blake's message was just _so Blake_ ; it was bossy and demanding with a tad of adorableness on the side. If it were from any other guy, I'd think that he couldn't wait to have me back home and he was going ballistic from missing me. Sadly, though, it was from Blake. There was no hidden agenda there, plain and simple. I put my phone back in my clutch purse and swayed with the music, weaving my way to the dance floor.

One thing was for sure; you could always count me in for dancing. I loved to immerse myself in the music and just make my body speak as it moved to the beat. I danced when I was stressed out. I'd go to hip-hop classes or _Zumba_ a few times a week in Hampstead. Chad managed the dance studio, and after closing time, we had our own little dance-off. It was our ritual and the bond that had brought us together.

Closing my eyes, I was swaying my hips slowly to match the rhythm of the music when I felt someone grab my hand. I opened them slowly, disappointed that it wasn't Kyle standing in front of me. I knew he was somewhere outside, possibly sucking face and swapping spit with his BB, but I couldn't help it. I was home and being home simply made me want Kyle, _badly_. _Maybe I'm nostalgic or maybe it's because I haven't been laid in what, like nine months? Who knows?_

"Hi! My name's James. Dance with me?" he asked smoothly.

Hmm, not bad looking. Quite decent actually. Not like Kyle, but decent enough and he seemed nice.

"Sure, James." I smiled at him as he twirled me around and my back landed on his chest. That was impressive. That man could dance. The DJ changed up the music to some Raggaeton song with Pitbull singing "Go Girl" and the tempo started to pick-up. Raggaeton music wasn't for sensual dancing. It was more for showing your skills with popping your hips and being sexy.

I separated myself from James and faced him. His eyes were all over my body and that gave me ammunition to get down and dance more. "So..."

"Sienna," I offered.

"Sienna. Where do you live? Somewhere close by?"

"I did, but I'm on vacation. Home is London, for now." I answered as my eyes scanned the crowd. The song ended and I found Jen across from me, watching us intently with our drinks in her hands.

Walking up to her, she gushed out, "Goodness, Sienna Richards! You know everyone was checking you out, right? You looked... _so, so_ hot dancing out there! I was even getting hot and bothered watching you two dance and that's saying something! _Was that to show someone that you still got your groove on? Hmmm?_ " I laughed. _Oh Jen! How right you are._ I shook my head in denial and smiled innocently.

"And who might you be?" she asked James who had unknowingly followed me. Cute.

"I'm James." At about five-ten and well-muscled with dirty blonde hair that was spiked, he was the epitome of boyish good looks.

"Where are you from?" Jen quipped. Knowing how she worked, she'd have him thoroughly grilled about his life in five minutes. We had always been protective of each other, so we tended to do that with most men we met.

Enthusiastically, I freed her hand of the Lemon Drop and took the tequila shot she was holding out to me as she commenced drilling. My, that burns _._ I welcomed the warm feeling it gave my body as I murmured "Thanks." She didn't seem to hear me, though, because she was still busy talking to James.

I, on the other hand, was busy scanning the room to see a familiar face. Okay, I was guilty. I wanted to see more of Kyle and what he was up to, but he was nowhere to be seen. I just couldn't believe he was being cold and indifferent towards me. What was that whole introduction scene with Brook, anyway? If he'd wanted me to think that he had moved on and was happier, then he'd definitely succeeded in getting his message across.

I decided right then and there that I wouldn't think about him anymore. Maybe this whole trip for getting closure from Kyle was merely stupid and irreparable. I couldn't torture myself with the thoughts of him with his girlfriend, kissing and groping each other somewhere in a dark corner outside. All I had to do was endure the night and move on, but for the mean time, I had to hold my head high, even if I was anguished with my heart gutted and intestines twisted inside out. Or I could possibly take Blake's offer. I could drown my sorrows happily simply by staring at him. Was this jealousy I felt? Or was it merely an indication that I was still _in_ love with Kyle?

I love him. I've loved him all my life, but _in love_ with him? I wasn't so sure anymore. I mean, _if_ I was dangerously in love with him, then I wouldn't have left him behind to go to England, _surely?_ I would have found a way to still be next to him or simply endured being miserable in Los Angeles if it meant being with him. I missed him and I was mad that he'd ended our friendship like that. I wanted to salvage our friendship, if nothing else. Before I'd left home, I had made that whole spiel of loving him, but I felt that I needed freedom. I desperately sought change, away from my horridly miserable past with my extended family and the memory of my dad.

Would I want him back if he begged me? _I don't know_. My mind couldn't process the possibility of us getting back together when it was blatantly apparent that he was in a happy, satisfying relationship.

Kyle took it badly when he learned of my plan. Of course, he was crazy about me. We were inseparable then. We'd even finished each other's sentences. We were happy together, but my soul needed something more, to feel free. Free from memories of my past.

So, my announcement to go to school in England was a surprise to everybody—most of all to Kyle. He didn't speak to me for days. He felt betrayed and implied I was giving up on us, our relationship. Distraught and wounded, he stuck it out until I left for school, showing me how much he loved me. Those few weeks before my departure were bittersweet. I remembered having a hard time letting him go at the airport, clutching and hugging him so fiercely. The memories brought a melancholy sigh and my attention back to reality.

"Well it was great to meet you, James," Jen said politely. I was still reeling from my nostalgic flood of flashbacks, swamped with the thoughts of what might've been. My mind shuffled back to the past and had lost track that I was here, in the middle of a damn party.

"Doll, can I speak to you for a sec?" Jen grabbed my hand and dragged me to a corner.

"Sure, be back in a sec, James." I gave him one of my melt-your-bones smiles for effect. It seemed to work from the look he gave me.

I needed a diversion and the unfortunate victim was James. I needed to gather my bearings before I went ballistic with roaring jealousy and did something drastic to get Kyle's attention, like going up to him and giving him a kiss that was extraordinarily scorching to the point that it would haunt him forever. So, I needed James tonight, for my sanity's sake.

"Hey! What's up?" I questioned her with an arched brow, knowing full well what she wanted to speak to me about.

"I'm going to leave the party with Ethan. He's off and another person is taking the shift, so we decided to go grab something to eat somewhere. Will you be okay if I leave and you catch a ride with Mickey or something? If you can't catch a ride, call me and I'll come get you."

"I take it Ethan's the hot-tender, right? Jen, seriously, go have fun. Don't worry about me. I have _only_ two weeks to party and then back to school again, so I'll be okay. Go enjoy yourself! I'll see you tomorrow for catch-up and fro-yo, kay?" I hugged her and kissed her blushing cheek. It really bothered her leaving me here, but she wasn't my sitter. As much as I loved hanging out with Jen, she needed to enjoy and meet people. I wanted her to be happy, especially after Tony. "Have fun, doll." I gave her a huge grin.

"Will do! All right, catch up with you tom'! And be safe, 'kay? Call me if you need me, _anytime_."

"See you!" I shooed her away and went back to James who had been watching my interaction with Jen with hawk-like intensity.

"Did anybody tell you how gorgeous and sexy you are?" His dark eyes traveled all over me like I was a piece of candy to be savored.

"Are you just saying anything to get laid tonight? Because let me tell you, your line was way off the finishing line!" I instantly quipped back. _Ha! This is a merry-go-round play date buddy—nothing more,_ I thought.

The last time I had sex, or any _intimacy_ for that matter, was with Kyle. It was not that I didn't find anyone attractive in London—apart from crushing on Blake, but that was beside the point. He was nothing more than a friend. I had gone to a lot of house parties and met quite a few interesting and attractive men, but not one who'd given me the I-can't-breathe-and-think-around-you feeling. Maybe if I'd put myself out there instead of cutting them off before they could even speak it would make a vast difference. I should probably take up Lucy's offer of blind dates, just to dip my toes into the dating world.

Snapping back to reality, I gulped down the rest of my drink and placed it on the table next to me. The alcohol I had consumed was a potent mixture of vodka and tequila. A lethal combination, but it was the prerequisite of a person who was dealing with an emotional upheaval.

"Come on, James. Dance with me," I said invitingly. The music blared, making my feet itch to move on the dance floor and let loose, my body speaking through the art of dancing.

We were setting our rhythm as I danced against him, my back touching his chest. I let out a sigh. _Where was Kyle?_ I thought sadly. _Stupid girl_! _Just let it go already_ , I scolded myself. The dance was getting intense and James was gripping both of my hips, grinding and swaying slowly. I honestly didn't care because I wanted to forget, even if for only a few minutes. Then I'd go look for Mickey and ask him for a ride back to Jen's apartment.

James was getting _quite_ comfortable. So comfortable in fact that he was moving his hands up and down the sides of my stomach. "You're so hot. I want you," he whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes and ignored him. _Right, not going there buddy._ I was just using him temporarily for dancing, nothing more.

_Am I a tease?_ Yes, definitely. _Do I feel guilty about it?_ No, not really.

I closed my eyes again, feeling the beat and the alcohol seeping its way through my body. I felt relaxed and smiled, rocking the smashing beat with James. He was actually a descent dancer.

I felt his lips kiss my exposed shoulder, softly working towards my neck. His hot breath gave me a shudder. "James, I don't think that's a good idea."

Out of nowhere, someone yanked my right arm and dragged me away so quickly that my head spun. I barely got a chance to catch my breath. Everything was a blur—from the dance floor, passing the living room and up the stairs. Stumbling halfway up, I yelped from the tight hold on my arm. I tried to detach his fingers, but he was too strong. His fingers sunk deeper in my flesh, gripping it harder.

Sudden fear washed over my entire body. It was too dark, no light coming from the hallway or bedroom doors. _How am I supposed to take charge and free myself if I can't see my attacker?_ I freaked and told myself to calm down and breathe. _Breathe. Think rationally, you can do this, Sienna._

I was trying to get a handle on the situation and where the person was taking me. It was so dark, but it seemed like my abductor knew where he was going. The floorboards made a squeaking sound and the person holding my arm quickly turned around. Whooshing air swept by and there was an overpowering smell. A smell I _knew_ so well that it made my throat constrict with familiarity.

Kyle. _What the fuck?!_

# Chapter 5

"Excuse me! Where the hell do you think you're taking me! How dare you, Kyle!" Unleashed fury roared off me.

_How dare he manhandle me like that!_

He opened a door and brashly shoved me inside with him. I quickly scanned the room. It was dark, but it was illuminated with the glowing light of the moon from the bay window. The room was quite large, but uninhabited, a guest room perhaps.

I slowly glanced back and found Kyle looking down at me, furious to a point which I had never seen him before. My heart slammed wildly against my chest.

"Are you trying to embarrass yourself, _Sienna!_ " he raged at me, face thunderous with seething anger. "Are you _trying_ to prove something?" He glared and spit fire. "Are you trying to prove that you're a big girl, now? Taking offers and sampling men to your _liking_?" Kyle was accusing and livid.

"Excuse me? I was dancing with James! Mind your own fucking business and go back to your _amazing_ girlfriend!" I screamed like a banshee at him. "And if I am taking offers and sampling them, it's my _goddamned_ business. Now, leave me the FUCK alone!" I yelled with barely suppressed rage. _How dare he? After how he had been cold towards me all night, without even a backward glance, and now he gives me this blasted brutish treatment? Seriously_? I was done dealing with that crap; I was going home, back to London.

I tried to grab the handle of the door, but he quickly caught my hand and swiftly placed me on the wall next to the door. Both of his hands landed securely on either side of my head so I was imprisoned and had no chance in hell of escaping. I stared at him, wide-eyed and reeling.

Not only was I shocked at his attitude and his chauvinistic demeanor, but I was more surprised that he had even bothered to. " _Are you fucking drunk, Kyle_?" I asked him angrily. "Did you not hear what I just said?" He simply kept staring at me like he wasn't even listening to my questions.

He moved closer, his eyes burning into me.

I could smell him, his smell that I used to adore so much. The smell that reminded me of long nights sleeping in the nook of his neck. Being that close to him tested me to the hilt and drove me insane with acute lust. I was becoming nostalgic with pure longing.

His molten eyes roved all over my body, reacquainting himself with it. They stopped on my lips and his eyes darkened. My heartbeat quickened, my breathing shallowed. My body quivered from his close scrutiny. Goose bumps covered my body as my nipples tightened and my stomach had butterflies flying about. _Damn him_.

His gaze was too powerful and like prey, I was hypnotized and captivated by him; by his closeness, by that sudden reminder that he was my first love, my first everything. I closed my eyes and tried my damnedest to steady the wild beating of my heart.

His thumb traced my full, bottom lip slowly like he was trying to ingrain it in his memory. The moment his thumb grazed my skin, I was enthralled.

" _Sienna_ ," he said my name in a whisper that was full of pain and hunger. My heart twisted.

I slowly opened my eyes and was tormented by the look in his. He wanted me. His desire was emanating from him; from every pore in his body. I knew that look so well. I suddenly had the urge to touch his chest, to feel his heat—his warmth—but I willed myself against it.

I wet my lips slowly with uncertainty and swallowed. I was having a hard time breathing. All I could hear was my heart pounding incredibly loud against my ribcage as I anticipated Kyle's touch. He would touch. That _look_ said it all. He would devour me with no concession.

I stared at this man before me, wide-eyed and waiting, waiting for him to make a move... _Can I let this happen?_ There was hardly any option of backing out. He was here for a reason, a man on a mission who would give no room for negotiation. _Oh, hell! I'm going to be in big trouble._

He lowered his head to kiss me, softly at first, like he was trying to gauge my reaction, see if I would respond. I certainly did. I kissed him back, matching his pace as I was fighting all sorts of sensations inside of me.

A tidal wave of emotion rolled off me; from missing him to the angst of seeing him with a new girlfriend, amongst other things. All bottled in together once as I kissed him. My lips demanded just as fervently as his, like we couldn't get enough of each other. The titillating hunger was demanding his full attention, driving us both in a magical, wanton spell.

His signature smell enveloped me and I surrendered to the madness of lust and want.

He groaned as my fingers touched his hair and slowly traced his back, all the way down to his ass, cupping it hard with greedy hands and pushing him hard against me. The friction was palpable. We both groaned at once. _Yes, I definitely want this._

_How I've missed this man._

I opened both of my legs wider to accommodate him better, riding my miniscule skirt up higher, flashing my magenta lace thong. I couldn't stop holding him firmly and tightly by his ass, pushing him hastily and fervently against me to be nestled on my hot core. We both groaned in unison.

His soft kisses trailed down my neck slowly; he licked and nipped it. Writhing and panting against his hot body, I lost myself in the overwhelming, all-consuming need to be possessed.

His hand skillfully loosened my top, kissing his way to my very aroused and very erect nipples. He found one and playfully bit it. I whimpered from the pure ecstasy that was taking me to a whole different sphere of being. I was already horny, but that drove me over the edge of the precipice and straight into a state of absolutely wanton desire.

My thong was soaked as I rubbed myself with a driven mission over his jeans that showed his bulging erection. _God, he feels wonderful. Fuck._

"Can I take you baby?" he asked in a raspy, sexy voice, panting with the need to consume me. It was full of promise, full of wicked urgency.

Of course, _that_ was the old Kyle, my Kyle. " _Yes—yes_." I was already out of breath. "Please hurry, I—" He didn't even let me finish before I heard him groan as he touched my thighs slowly, finding his way to the edge of my thong.

_Thank god I had just had a Brazilian wax a couple of days ago,_ I thought to myself.

He slid my thong to the side and I felt him playing with my folds, gently torturing me as he teased them by making chaste, rhythmic circles around my sensitized mound.

"Take me!" I commanded. I couldn't focus on anything other than the throbbing, suppressed ache inside of me.

"Did you miss me, Sienna?" he whispered hoarsely in my ear. His hot breath sent tingles all the way down to my very wet opening.

I opened my eyes and looked him straight in his. " _Yes."_ I halted as he stuck a finger inside me, twirling and twisting it, hooking it in the upper wall of my slick channel. He frantically moved his fingers against my clit, flicking it up and down in a fast rhythm.

"Oh, my God" I yelped. _Yes!_ I chanted in my head.

I grabbed his bulging cock and started to rub it hard before taking charge of his pants, swiftly opening the button and pulling his zipper down. His pants were pooling around his knees and I tugged his boxer briefs south, on top of his pants. I eyed him, _man he's aroused_. I gently cupped his balls with my left hand, squeezing them as I delightfully moved my right-hand up and down his cock, twirling his erection with voracious determination.

I was in such a delicious state of sexual euphoria, and I couldn't seem to hold it back, for much longer. Nine months of celibacy made me desperate for him.

"Kyle, please... _FUCK ME_ ," I pleaded.

"Not yet, baby"

Our foreheads joined together as we panted hard. His thick, rock-hard cock had a small drop of juice that was enticingly sitting on the head of his enormous manhood. I hastily licked my dry lips as I greedily eyed it. It was just waiting for my attention.

If he thought torturing me would work, then I would give him the same satisfaction. I slightly bent over again and licked that sweet juice off _oh-so-slowly_ and at the same time, watched his face through my lashes with a pure fervor born of lust. Hovering over his cock, I sucked the head with just enough pressure to get all of his sweet, moist essence out, tasting more of his manhood as though it was nirvana. His face almost combusted with desire and he was beyond turned on. He seriously looked like a savage animal ready to pounce.

He took his fingers out and spread me against the wall. He kneeled down just above my throbbing pussy and hooked one of my legs over his shoulder as he opened my other leg wider. Licking my outer lips with his hot-teasing tongue while nipping and sucking, I buckled and threw my head back from the sensations racking through my body.

He quickly grabbed my hips and hooked my legs around his body as he pulled me down to the large bed. My dark mane of hair splayed everywhere. My top and skirt sat on my stomach, open and ready to be ravished. My thong was still lopsided from his drastic invasion and I was still wearing my cowboy boots

He loomed over me; his eyes intensely flickering to my nipples and wide opened legs. He pulled on his dick and started to stroke it, hard; big hands squeezing and stroking as I watched in fascination.

He took my boots off and pulled down my thong. "You're beautiful, Sienna." Our eyes locked as he gently rubbed me with his pulsating head, ready to combust. He teased and probed—driving me insane. I whimpered as I anticipated the feel of him inside me.

He paused, his cock just a mere centimeter from my soaked entrance. "Has there been anyone else? I know I was your first, but that could've changed since we broke up, so was there anyone else?" His face was passive as he waited for me to reply.

I shook my head. "No, no one."

His smile was predatory and victorious, eyes gleaming. He slowly entered me and pulled out almost immediately. "Baby, you feel like a virgin! _I love it that your pussy's like this. Best fucking pussy I've ever had._ "

I looked at him as he was watching our bodies joining together. He was staring down candidly as his cock slid cautiously into my tightened core. He seemed to cherish the idea of being the only man I had ever had sex with. He groaned like a caveman as he shoved his dick inside me, thrusting hard with no inhibition or restraint. My vagina's walls immediately enveloped him, accommodating his size.

"You're mine! All _mine_!" he growled like an animal. "I love how you feel... so silky, wet, and fucking _tight._ I've been constantly thinking about when I can have you over and over. I can't get you out of my head. When I saw you tonight, I couldn't help myself... I _needed_ to have a taste of whatever you could give me. I needed to be _inside_ you or I was going to go insane." He sounded raw with want as he picked up the pace and held my hips tighter. My legs were wrapped around his hips in an angle where it hit the spot, taking him deeper inside me.

Thrusting harder, filling me, stretching me, taking as much as he could with no restraint. His penis was undeniably stretching me to its capacity. I couldn't deny him that. I couldn't deny us both. Sex with Kyle had always been this good when we were together. So, it was hardly a surprise that we couldn't help ourselves.

I felt my body and pussy tighten around him, building up slowly for an orgasm. The friction was more intense, fervent and exquisite. I was almost at the tipping point and then I felt my body convulse around him as my climax came to a close. I held his shoulders, digging my fingers in and screaming hard as I came.

Kyle held my hips harder and placed his lips on my neck as he fucked me hard with building intensity, his orgasm trailing close behind my own. He screamed my name against my lips, " _Sienna, I love you. It's always been you_." He then spilled his seed inside me with one hard thrust of his hips.

Thank God I had continued taking the pill.

# Chapter 6

We held each other, panting and disoriented. I closed my eyes, trying to figure out what had just happened and how I could walk away from the situation without having my pride and heart trampled over. _Deep breaths_. _He said he loved me. He still loves me._

I had so many questions I needed to ask him, but I couldn't seem to find the strength or the wherewithal to look him in the eye. I might've deluded myself that this was over... Could it be possible that it was one of those __ you-don't-realize-what-you-have-until-you've-lost-it __ types of things _?_ I groaned. _I really am in the shitter._

I slowly opened my eyes and drank him in. His hair and clothes were all disheveled and his eyes seemed to be raging something from deep within. He got up and started to get dressed without even giving me a glance.

Thinking about the fact that whatever comeuppance this situation brought, I had played a major part in it so I should hold my head high and act like the mature person that I am.

I sighed.

"Kyle," I whispered.

He was staring at the window, his back towards me like he was trying to gather his thoughts. Distant and unreachable. _Why isn't he talking?_

I straightened up my clothes and tried my best to fix my hair with my shaky fingers. I was nervous and anxious. I didn't ask for this, yet I couldn't stop or deny myself the opportunity to have him again. Even if it was for the last time.

Wanting him and for him to want me, it was just all too much and yet it was something I couldn't just walk away from. _Oh, damn it to hell and back._

"Kyle, say something!" I croaked. Still no response. _What in God's name was he playing at?_ "Oh! I get it! You just needed to get one last fuck out of your system and now you can just walk away! That's it, isn't it?" The feeling of being used was something I had never encountered before and that feeling didn't sit well with me, especially when the person in question was Kyle.

He moved against the window and the moonlight shadowed behind him, making him appear like he was some sort of dark angel, breathtaking to look at. This fallen angel was staring back at me with a blank expression. It gave me an idea of what was to come and for the first time, I was at a loss for words.

# Chapter 7

### Kyle

_G od, she's gorgeous!_ Even in her bedraggled state from our crazy romping, she still had the ability to take my breath away by just standing there, demanding my attention.

Her skirt was twisted to the other side and not properly fixed. Her lips were red and swollen from our lovemaking, her hair disheveled and those beautiful crystal green/gold eyes flashed at me, immobilizing me on the spot from her sheer beauty.

She didn't have any clue how she affected me by just one look. She had that power over me. She had that effect on most men, but she didn't see it. I knew, though, and saw how men wanted to possess her; her beauty, her body, her beautiful heart. She was next to perfection. _She was also mine_.

_How did I even manage to convince myself that I could be at the same party with her and not feel this?_ Savagely, I cursed my stupidity. She had always possessed power over me. No one had the capacity to drive me up the wall like Sienna could. When she was still here, she was _it_ for me and yet she still walked away. I wasn't enough for her; never would be.

I have to harden my resolve for my sanity's sake. _God, this is difficult!_ My throat ran dry as thoughts ran through scenes from a few minutes ago, vividly. How she looked lying there, waiting with desire— _all for me_. All mine and mine alone. Not any longer. She would eventually find someone; it wouldn't be hard. I bet there's already a line waiting.

The idea of another man possessing her brought ferocious feelings out of me. It was jealousy eating me alive. I couldn't go there. Not tonight.

"Sienna, I'm not going to apologize for this. Seeing you again made it impossible to resist you. I remembered us being good together and I just couldn't seem to help myself... I had to have you—"

"So that was merely a one-time thing then?" she cut me off in a shaky voice.

Her beautiful eyes were rimmed with unshed tears. How I wanted to possess that woman. My heart ached. I hated seeing her hurt, but I couldn't let her get to me. I barely survived when she left the last time. I couldn't go there again.

Steeling my resolve, I answered, "Yes, it is... it was. I'm with Brooke—" She didn't even let me finish before she started yelling.

"That's fucking convenient! You had sex with me without a second thought to your girlfriend and now, after you've gotten what you wanted, you're in a relationship again!" her voice screeched. Sienna was beside herself.

Man, she looked even hotter when she was furious. I wanted to take her again, right against the wall. _I'm going crazy_ , I knew I was, but I truly wanted to reach out and kiss those pouty, swollen lips of hers senseless, for the last time. Just a little taste of her once more before walking away. _I hate feeling like this. This uncontrollable passion I have with her. I feel powerless against it. I have to get out of here—fast—before I start kissing her and fucking up more. Leave, now_!

I had to calm myself before responding to her accusing tone. "I didn't use you. I asked you if it was okay before things got way too heated and you told me it was fine," I countered. I wanted to be friends with her, but it was impossible for me. That's asking too much of myself, however I didn't want any hard feelings, either. "Hey, we'll talk this over when we're sober and calmed down. I'll come see you in a couple of days. How about we—" She held her hands up in exasperation.

"You know what?! This was a stupid mistake! I thought for a second there that... that you might feel something... or it meant that you still... you know what? It doesn't matter what I think! Let's forget this ever happened, 'kay? Please, don't try to contact me because I don't want to see or hear from you _ever_ again!" she said with finality before she walked out the door.

Out of my life.

Again.

_Hell, Sienna!!!_

# Chapter 8

### Sienna

**london**

**present**

"Sorry about that. I didn't leave you too long, did I?" A concerned look was etched on his face as he waited for me to respond to his question.

"No, it's fine. Stop worrying, Blake." I smiled at him. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're a worrywart sometimes?"

Sipping his coffee as he gazed at me, Blake waited a beat before speaking. "Yes, _you've_ often told me."

"It's true. You've got to channel stress into something productive like _boxing_ , perhaps?" I teased him.

"Sure, as long as you join me because then we can kick ass together," he jested back. Uh, not a good idea! I might just get turned on watching him; sweaty and full of angst.

"No thanks, I let out my frustration through dancing." I gave him a smug look. "Anyhow, what the hell happened between you and Camille?" I asked, using my casual tone. I was curious. I was always curious when it came to his girlfriends. Sometimes he was forthcoming with _the dirt_ and sometimes he was tight-lipped.

Twirling his coffee cup, he studied it with the utmost concentration before he spoke. "As I said before, she wanted to move in with me. She was getting demanding, jealous and paranoid. It was nothing permanent and she knew it, still she pushed. So, I had no choice except to let her go."

"I really believed you guys were going to last longer than two months. I mean, you looked perfect together. Are you okay, though? I _know_ for a fact that break-ups are nasty and never easy." I continued on when I didn't get a reply, "So, she was jealous, huh? Were you entertaining and catering to your other girlfriends, Blake?" I gave him a you're-such-a naughty-boy look because he surely was.

His throaty laugh filled the air. "Oh, Sienna, sometimes you're just too adorable. To answer your question, no, I wasn't getting my groove on and screwing other women. Honestly, she was jealous of my relationship with you. She thought we spent a lot of time together and that I was crazy about you. I assured her that we were friends, nothing more, and the mere fact that you were with Kyle didn't convince her troubled mind. Cam was convinced that once Kyle was out of the equation that I would step in and have you all to myself." Leaning back and still playing with his coffee cup, his eyes were steady and pensive while studying my reaction.

I laughed— _hard_ —and almost ran out of air. _That's the funniest story I've heard,_ I thought _._ Was Camille high on drugs? Had she looked in the mirror lately? She was _stunning_. Where did she cook up ideas like that? Blake didn't go for women like me. If he'd wanted to, he had plenty of chances over the last eight months, but he'd never tried anything that would imply that he was interested at all. So, she was being silly over nothing.

"Finding my story funny, Sienna?" He was still watching me intently, his voice steady and calm. He could be so intense sometimes that it made my heart skitter.

"Yes, I mean, come on! That was stupid of her! Why would she be jealous of me? Look at her and look at me. She's like the epitome of perfection. Besides, the idea of us? We'll never work. I mean, we like the same things, but we're different. You're like mega rich and soon you'll be running the world with just a bat of your eyelashes and I'll be, _you know_ , the same. _Normal_." My voice got small in the end. I bit my bottom lip until all the blood drained. The idea of Blake— _us_ —bothered me. We were worlds apart. Everyone could see that. _So why do I wish that weren't true?_

He was still and unmoving, his lips in a straight line, pensive. _What's he thinking now?_

However he didn't have the chance to make a reply to my tirade because our food arrived and we fell silent as we worked on our plates, lost in thought. The food was excellent and I was happy to oblige my grumbling stomach.

"Mmm, this is definitely divine," I said as I bit into a piece of bacon, savoring every taste as I closed my eyes.

"Certainly looks like it," Blake murmured, locking his eyes on me as he took a bite of his toast.

Shrugging, I set aside my dish after I'd devoured every bite with pure gusto. I worked on my coffee next; I needed something to do besides looking at his magnetizing eyes. Uncomfortable was not the word I would use to describe it. Breathless would possibly be fitting, though.

After what seemed like five minutes, he threw down a hundred pounds on the table and asked, "Ready?"

"Not really, but guess I have to see what's in store now, don't I?" I stood up and pretended to be petulant.

"You'll just have to wait and see, my impatient one."

"Notting Hill?"

"Yes, our next stop to your easing-up-the-pain strategy." Blake smirked when he said _easing_. Ha. I would rather forget that embarrassing incident in the car right before breakfast.

He parked the car, got out and opened the car door for me. I smiled. "Hummingbird Bakery?" I gleefully asked.

"As you wish, milady," he said with a little bow. That gesture put me in mild hysterics. He had a good sense of humor. That was why we were friends. We could act silly and have fun; it was easy.

Grabbing my hand and pulling me next to him, we strolled along, passing clothing boutiques and antique places. Notting Hill was a gem. They had a lot of funky, trendy stores and just about any knick-knack you could ever imagine. It was awesome!

We made our way to Hummingbird Bakery that made these delicious, mouth-watering cupcakes. Each perfect bite was sheer bliss. Still holding hands, he guided me inside the shop. We had found the bakery simply by walking around on a Sunday afternoon and we'd both fell in love with it; each liking to indulge our sweet tooth. So, once in a while, we would come here to indulge. Though, on special occasions—like when it was that time of the month for me—he brought me a box of cupcakes to cheer me up. _How thoughtful was that?_

Ogling those beautifully decorated, earth-shattering pieces of ambrosia with yearning eyes, my mouth salivated. Blake ordered red-velvet and chocolate chip cupcakes to be eaten outside on the patio as well as a dozen more to take home. Oh, yum! _You see how intuitive he is?_ Ha!

"Let me pay for this one," I demanded. He gave me a shut-the-hell-up look.

I huffed and turned around as he paid for the cupcakes. It was always like that with Blake and Toby. They would get offended if you offered to pay. Some men would gladly appreciate the offer. Some men expected women to pay half of everything, but those two still believed that they had to take care of the ladies. They felt insulted if I asked.

I found a table for two and waited for my cupcakes to arrive. Sitting, I basked in the warmth of the sunshine hitting my face. _Life isn't so bad when you have cupcakes_ , I mused.

"Here we are!" he announced as he placed two of my favorite cupcakes in front of me and cut the cupcakes in quarters. We had a ritual because we both loved these flavors, we agreed to a compromise, eating them half and half. It was kind of cute.

He took a piece of red-velvet and fed me. I opened my mouth, closed my eyes and savored the flavor. I was a passionate person, especially when it came to food.

"Mmm, yes!" I purred in satisfaction.

He laughed. "I knew you wouldn't be mad for long." He gave me his god-like smile again, placing his ray-bans atop his wavy hair. I looked away. He looked too tempting and when he smiled like that, I had this urge to stare and worship him. It was very disconcerting to feel that way sometimes and it caught me off guard.

He was a great friend and a flirt, but a great friend nonetheless. So, when he acted a certain way—holding my hand and smiling at me like I was the only person in the world that mattered—it confused the shit out of me.

My phone beeped so I took it out of my purse and checked the message.

_Kyle._

Heart-thudding, I opened the message.

# Chapter 9

From: Kyle Matthews

Subject: Miss you

I went over to Jen's to check if u were there last night and found out u went back to London. Why? Did u leave 'coz of me? Wanted to speak to you. WE HAVE TO TALK about what happened. About us. Call me. Seeing u again made me realize how much u mean to me, Sienna.

I'll be waiting for your call.

I miss u,

Kyle

Shit _. How do I reply to that?_ He sounded guilty as hell. Well, he should be after he treated me crassly with no thought to my feelings. He just took what he wanted and my feelings, _again_ , were pushed aside.

"Sienna, what is it?" I turned off the screen, slid my phone back into my purse and sighed heavily. "Kyle... he wants to talk."

"Are you going to?" He looked at me, pensive, unreadable.

"No, I'm not giving that jerk the satisfaction," I said with decisiveness and a clear voice. I had made up my mind. As much as it killed me to admit, I was _still_ hurting.

What hurt more was the fact that he dated her a month before breaking it off with me. He didn't even have the decency to end things before saddling himself up to someone else. To put icing on the cake, he had sex with me and _still_ went back to her. Now he had decided that he wanted to _talk_? The nerve!

"What's up next?" I asked, studying his unreadable expression. He grabbed my hand and played with the inside of my palm with his middle finger; in slow, agonizing, fever-inducing, rhythmic circles.

He was touching me _a lot_ today. He never used to, I mean, apart from the usual greeting of kisses, hugs and nudges here and there; nothing as personal as this, though. I was afraid to ask him about it, so I pretended it didn't bother me, as if we did this all the time.

"It's a surprise, poppet. I'm sure you will figure it out soon enough." Getting up and hooking my left arm around his, we strolled back to where his car was parked.

Walking at a leisurely pace, my thoughts raced back to Kyle. Was it cold of me not to bother replying to his email? We had been through a lot and I considered him family. My mom died giving birth to me and my dad died when I was seven. From what I could recall of my dad, he was a loving man, giving, and he adored me. He used to talk about Mom all the time and how they had loved me from the moment they discovered she was pregnant.

Dad had a heart attack. No one saw it coming; it was abrupt and swift. All of a sudden, I was alone. I remember the conservator consoling and assuring me that my father was a wise man, that he had invested the insurance he got from my mother's death shrewdly. He even added that there was more coming from my dad's insurance policy, amongst other investments he delved in. My dad made sure I had a college fund on top of everything else.

He basically thought it out accordingly, just in case he died. I received a partial amount of his Social Security money to tide me over until I turned eighteen; the legal age when I took over my own spending and could handle all my finances. At the time, though, I could have cared less about money because all I wanted was my dad back.

My father's sister, Christy, took me in. She had a husband, Dan, and a daughter a year older than me, Caroline. It was hell living in the Brown's household. I was the interloper who basically ruined their neat, consistent lives.

When I met Kyle—the boy next door—he became my solace, my protector and my friend. His mother was always kind and loving to me, baking cakes and pastries that I enjoyed through the years. I had grown to depend on Kyle, and leaving Los Angeles had torn me apart; but I had to leave home. I needed to get away; to have a new life, a second chance to erase all the memories of what I'd endured living with the Browns. As a result, he was hurt, but supportive about my decision; or so I'd thought.

My father had indeed made sure that I was well provided for. The money I had gotten from him on my eighteenth birthday was substantial. I don't need to work if I don't want to, but I have other plans. I want to become successful on my own and thrive in the marketing industry.

Leaning back against the cool leather seat, I exhaled. _Boy, I'm exhausted_. Driving around town seriously took a toll on my jet-lagged condition. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head, the sounds of Moonlight Sonata in cello relaxing me into slumber as he squeezed my thigh.

"Don't drift off yet. I promise you can sleep when we get to our destination, all right?" Blake glanced at me with a hint of a smile. He took ahold of my hand and placed it on his lap; overwhelming me with weird emotions.

I turned sideways to look at him. With his shades on, he looked like a sexy man from a car commercial, only a tad bit more good looking. He resembles Gaspard Ulliel or Christiano Ronaldo; that's how deadly he looked. The Latin coloring and charm contributed from his Italian mother combined with _when he spoke Italian_... total, major turn on. His eyes were another dynamic aspect that contributed to that killer look. Blake had the most unusual eyes; midnight blue, rimmed in silver with flecks of scattered gold in the middle. When he was angry, his eyes turned almost black; making those scattered gold flecks stand out. It was like staring at the Milky Way galaxy as it s _ucked you in_ until you were lost in them. It was spellbinding and disconcerting at the same time.

"Are you done checking me out, Sienna?" He gave me a sideways glance before diverting his eyes back to the traffic ahead. _Busted._

"Not yet, just give me a few more minutes; I'm sure by then I will have memorized all your flaws," I quipped back. I was a tad mortified that he'd caught me staring wide-eyed at him. "Are we almost there?" I drastically needed to change the subject back to safer ground.

"Yes, a few minutes or so then you can sleep, my sweet; just as long as you promise not to snore." He smiled tenderly at my horrified expression.

"Ha! I do not snore!" I pinched his leg.

"Ow," Blake yelped, but had his god-like smile in check—dreamy was the more appropriate term for that smile. I hated it that he had a way of disarming me with that smile.

As promised, after a few minutes we arrived at our destination; an upscale hotel in Knightsbridge. Getting out of the sexy Aston Martin, he handed the car keys to the valet attendant and tended to me. With a hand on my back, he gently guided me to the hotel spa.

"Aw, how you read my mind, Knightly! Thank you! Thank you!"

"I hope this will make up for all the energy you invested with me since this morning. Come." _Like I wouldn't forgive him?_ Blake held the door and we stepped inside the reception area which was a white and glass combination, giving a chic, clean-cut effect.

"Mr. Knightly, welcome back!" greeted the auburn haired, blue-eyed, svelte lady with a flirty smile.

"Krista, hello! How are you?" Blake said, acting polite yet distant.

"I'm very good, Mr. Blake." Krista gazed back through her lashes, quite suggestively. With a few taps on her keyboard, she spoke again, "Okay, your room is ready. Olga will show you to it." I caught her wink at him and bite her bottom lip.

I almost grunted out loud from her obnoxious, flirty attitude. _Disgusting much? Jesus._

Olga appeared almost immediately and politely showed us to our reserved room and I couldn't have run out of there fast enough.

My massage haven awaited.

# Chapter 10

The moment I walked in, I felt like I had walked onto a set of the _Arabian Nights_. The room had an oval-shaped pool that was decorated with rose petals. Further to the left stood a colorful silk tent with beaded throw pillows and kaftan rugs. Plus, there were large, glass bowl-stands with petals and floating candles embellishing the room.

The masseuse tables, situated at the edge of the tent, sat about ten feet from a lightly-lit fireplace. The strategically placed scented candles made the ambiance intimate, seductive and downright romantic. The room _smelled_ of romance, a mixture of roses and berries with hinted notes of vanilla.

I was guided to the 'his and hers' changing rooms, where it was requested that I wear this skimpy, barely there thong. I smirked. _Great, how the heck will I ever be comfortable lying next to Blake almost naked?_ If I could relax, I was going to doze off the minute those powerful hands started kneading my back; I was sure of it.

_Is romance what Blake has in mind? Is it possible? Why would he book a suite?_ He could've gotten separate rooms, but he didn't. _So, if it is, am I ready to date him?_ I was and I wasn't. I had just gotten out of being with Kyle and I was sure as hell was not emotionally ready for someone as intense as Blake. That was like taking on Hurricane Katrina. Besides, he didn't seem to be keen on long-term relationships anyway.

Apart from Kyle, I hadn't been with anyone else; emotionally or physically. Blake was a very intense person, too. How the heck would I handle him? I had watched as women became beyond helpless when he ended it with them. They were hysterical; calling incessantly, hoping he would take them back. He never did. It was mayhem.

_No, thank you_. I didn't want to be one of _those_ women. _Risking our friendship over sexual satisfaction?_ _Maybe?_ I shoved that thought quickly to the back of my mind.

I came out of the changing room dressed in a thong and a robe. I made my way towards the massage tables where my masseuse, a tall, stern-looking man—possibly Eastern European—waited patiently for me. He introduced himself as Alec.

Blake was already on his stomach and had a scant towel draping his glorious ass. His back was all ripping-hard muscles, defined and cut. He had his head down, even though the session hadn't started yet. I was sure he'd done that to make me feel less uncomfortable when I tried to position myself on the narrow __ table.

_Hopefully, that scant towel will be enough to cover my bottom._ Alas, as dreadfully predicted, it just _barely_ covered it. Most times, I was proud of my "well-rounded assets," but at times like these, I wish they were a little less rounded.

As they started working on our backs, Blake turned, reached out and touched my arm softly. "Feeling better?"

I smiled shyly at him. "Yes, thank you. It's exactly what I needed. Next time, I'll be the one giving you surprises, though." His beautiful face lit up, giving me a devilish grin.

"I'll hold you to that!" I nodded, tranquility washing over me as I closed my eyes while I continued facing him.

_Shouldn't I be mourning the loss of my relationship with Kyle?_ Yet, from the moment I opened my eyes today, Blake had railroaded my thoughts, putting Kyle somewhere faraway and distant. Except for the email...

How was _that_ possible? I was crying my eyes out last night and, today, I felt like an entirely different person.

Powerful hands started to work their way down to my lower back. Hovering around where the slope of my butt started. Kneading thumbs and fingers made the towel slide lower. I gasped from a jolt of pain and then exhaled deeply, lips slightly parted. The pain felt good and I welcomed it. The stress I had from the last couple of weeks had taken its toll on my body.

Opening my eyes, I found Blake staring intently at me. He didn't smile or speak; instead he kept those magnetic eyes locked onto mine. I swallowed, nervous. Those eyes had the power to penetrate and reach inside of me. It was disconcerting. _He's been doing that a lot today._

Not knowing what to do, I closed my eyes again. _Christ,_ _I'm so screwed_! Heaven help me if he did try something.

God knows I had a hard time resisting Blake when he asked something of me, however this Blake—pure full-on Casanova-mode Blake—would be my undoing.

The smell of roses and the crackle of fire lulled me to sleep, unperturbed and tranquil. I happily dozed off into a blissful slumber.

I woke up from the soft click of a door closing. Befuddled from my nap, I glanced around and realized that I was alone, lying there, almost naked and asleep.

The darkened lighting from the candles made it hard to see much further into the room.

"Blake?" I called out, sitting up and looking for my robe, but it seemed to have vanished! It was nowhere in sight.

Biting my lip, I pulled my long hair forward to cover my breasts; it was good enough to cover my nipples, but not enough to cover the outline of my boobs. I tried to gather my wits.

"In here!" called out Blake. Where was _in here_?

Slowly, walking barefoot in a thong with my boobs partially covered by my long hair, I glanced around in the dimly lit room. "Blake!" my voice laced with urgency. I started to make my way to the pool area, but couldn't see him.

Instantly, out of nowhere, he started gliding from the darkened corner of the left-side of the pool.

My eyes rounded in admiration. My, God! I'm going to have a heart-attack.

Gaping at his muscled pecs, six-pack abs and his wet hair swept back; I felt a jolt of instantaneous lust. I swallowed hard. He was absolutely breathtaking. _Wow. I've never seen his chest before. NOW, I really think he was made perfectly!_

Rooted to where I was standing, heart beating erratically and _barely_ breathing, I was mesmerized by his sheer beauty. I barely forgot to take note that I was almost as naked as he was.

"Care to join?" he asked, glancing at me with the same look he'd had at the massage tables. He looked like he was ready to pounce. Still and waiting... __ The look was full of yearning... and pure, blatant lust.

My stomach flip-flopped.

Standing there—virtually naked—I was staggered, astonished.

Being in that room, with _him_ , the air—the smell of heady perfumed roses, the darkened setting of candles, making the room glow—I suddenly felt like I was there purposely to do his bidding!

Enraptured and enthralled, I slowly walked to the pool, joining my god-like mortal of a man without breaking eye contact.

I went into the pool that was scattered with rose petals. The water gently rippled as I went deeper in, but I stopped when the water barely hit the tips of my hair.

Standing on the very last step of the pool, I looked over to where he stood, unmoving like a statue, although his electric midnight eyes, roved all over my body, branding me. I gasped from the burning, ardent-filled scrutiny of his roaming eyes.

He moved towards me, his tanned, rippling body glistening with water. My eyes examined his abs, slowly making my way to his hardened chest, his broad shoulders, his neck, his enticing lips, until my eyes stopped at his burning, silver-rimmed, midnight blue eyes.

The air was charged, electric and perfervid.

Looking up to his face, I was stunned frozen. He was so tall and all-male.

I gasped again as he traced his thumb over my bottom lip, his eyes darkening.

"You look like a goddess; exquisite and beautiful," he rasped out as the back of his finger gently stroked my neck and collarbone with utter concentration. I shuddered from his delicate touch. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you, my sweet Sienna. I've always wanted you—from the moment our eyes met. _I wanted you, badly_ , but you were with someone else. I've been patient—biding time—until you were free, and so here we are."

I drew breath and slightly wetted my dry lips. _He'd always wanted me? What?! This was insane! How the heck did I not see this?_

Being with Blake would be passionate; thrilling and tumultuous, however, did I have the capacity to go through a circus ring? I wanted him, no doubt. My mind boggled; I couldn't think straight. As much as I was attracted to Blake, I didn't know if I was ready, _just yet_. He was too intense, too commanding, too everything. At the same time, I was hypnotized and my mind was beyond puzzled. It really was disconcerting.

"Blake, I—" I looked at him with beseeching eyes, licking my dry lips. "I don't think I'm ready for this. I mean, I'm attracted to you, but this is too sudden. You must see—understand—that I _need_ time." I searched his eyes as he studied mine, waiting for him to answer me.

After what felt like forever, I saw him nod his head. "All right, my lovely Sienna. I've waited for eight months; I can wait a little more. I'll wait until you are ready, but I want to make something clear, I don't just want you for your body... when you're mine, I want your all; _your body, your soul, your mind._ I will consume you. I'll be your world and in return, I'll worship the ground you walk on and make you a very happy woman," he spoke with a strong, decisive and determined voice without his eyes leaving mine.

_He wants me. Blake Knightly. Wants. Me._ I was excited, yet at the same time, I wanted to run for the hills.

"Blake, if you must insist, but until I make up my mind, you have to respect my boundaries." I gave him a peck on the left cheek, moved a little closer to his ear and whispered, "Thank you." I accidentally grazed my nipples on his chest and the friction tingled all the way to my core. He immediately hissed through his clenched teeth. _Oh, my God_. That felt wonderful.

"Sienna, try not to test my limits because I would gladly throw caution out and take you right here until I've had my fill of that glorious body; until you're limp and worn-out from me fucking you," he warned me with tested patience.

"Right"

_What the hell do I say to that?_

I stepped out of the pool, leaving him as his powerful gaze burned holes through my back. I daren't look back unless I wanted to play with fire. He was searing, scorching and sizzling with fire waiting to be unleashed. _ON. ME._

Shit.

# Chapter 11

I woke up startled from my surroundings and it dawned on me that I was in Blake's apartment. The bedroom was simple with a touch of understated, warm elegance and twice the size of my room. A modern, queen-sized bed sat in the middle of the room with russet-colored, damask patterned wallpaper. The other two walls were painted an ecru shade, complementing the chic design. Amber colored lamps made of an actual rock sat on both sides of the bed. A contemporary chaise lounge in pistachio silk slanted in the corner along with a large antique mahogany coffee table. The room basked aglow with three shaded, floor-to-ceiling glass windows, overlooking the streets of Mayfair.

His entire apartment, which was the whole tenth floor, was styled in the same manner; modern contemporary and expensive French antique accents. The combination gave the whole place subtle warmth. I smiled. The comparison of the apartment and its owner was uncanny.

I gently rubbed my eyes as I yawned. Events from yesterday flashed through my drowsy head. He drove us straight back to his place from the spa. Surprised, yes, but I was too exhausted to argue with him to take me back to my own place in Covent Garden. Deep down, I was pleased that he'd wanted me to be close to him.

He cooked dinner and it was superb; I hadn't known he was such a skilled cook. After we ate, we caught a couple of episodes of _Game of Thrones_ from the DVR player. We lounged with a bottle of red wine and chocolate truffles from the famous La Maison du Chocolat—a completely marvelous way to end our day.

During the entire evening, he never once tried to make a pass. He was respectful and kept his distance, though he did find ways to subtly touch me. _Whereas you turn into a brainless creature every time he does touch you?_ I was aware of him; whether he was in the room or not.

He acted like the usual Blake and that put me at ease. I was relieved. My mind was confused when it came to him. I mean, I know what _I_ want, but when he was being all sexy and seductive, my thoughts turned to mush and that was perplexing.

When it had been time for bed, he'd handed me one of his silk boxers and a shirt to wear. He decided—without asking me—that I should stay with him for the next few days until Sunday, when Luce arrived.

School started Monday as he, too, began his lengthy training to become a tycoon like his grandfather. Blake would be shadowing him until he was ready to retire, which loomed on the horizon. Blake had been learning the ins and outs of the business for the last two years, but this time, he'd take on most of the responsibilities. His grandfather wanted Blake to take over as soon as he'd deemed him ready.

Their family business was vast from what Toby had told me. From oil to five-star restaurants, real estate, hotels and casinos, merely to name a few. I doubt their family would be estimated to be worth billions without an enormously diverse portfolio.

Blake knew full well that his granddad would not be there forever. He needed to prepare for the inevitable, hence the prepping and training of him at the age of twenty-four. He's almost four years older than me.

The only thing that I was worried about was Blake changing. He was rich now, making a lot of money from his own investments, but when the time came, when he could tap unlimited funds and resources while being surrounded by powerful men as well as the world's most beautiful women, I was afraid that would change him. I heard Toby joke about it before. I was quite certain that he too believed it was possible. Money and power could be intoxicating, especially at Blake's impressionable age.

I stretched for five minutes or so before going to bed. It helped me sleep better and my body didn't ache as much if I stuck to one side during my entire sleep. The moment my head hit the pillow, I immediately went to sleep. Sometime during the night, I felt him bend over and softly brush my cheek with his lips and whisper, "Sleep well, my Sienna." Then he quietly left my room to go to his own.

I slept like a baby after that.

Still lounging in bed, his beige, fifteen-hundred count Egyptian cotton sheets haphazardly tangled on my legs, I looked across the room and stared at the sky through the windows. I felt well rested and _almost_ like I was myself again.

My face heated and my stomach coiled as memories of the pool incident surfaced. I groaned. _Damn that man. He looked so good. That body... my God._ Thinking about it made me all hot and bothered. I would never, for the life of me, fathom how I managed to decline his offer last night. It would undoubtedly baffle my psyche for the rest of my life.

Not hearing the door creak open, I was surprised when Blake sat on the bed across from me, amused and sexy as hell. "Devising a plan to stay in bed all day, poppet?"

_If he only knew... how long can I endure this longing for him before I succumbed to what my body is aching for?_

I noticed that he had light stubble growing on the sides of his face; it made him utterly and painstakingly gorgeous. _How does one manage to look beautiful after waking up in the morning?_ _I bet I look a fright._ He was wearing a fitted, black shirt and sheer, black cotton pajamas; I would not have guessed in a million years that he was a pajama man. I would have thought commando was more along the lines of his thing.

I looked away from his face. __ He'd caught me studying him several times already—much to my growing embarrassment—I didn't need him catching me yet again.

" _Can we please_? I need to just rest and unwind," I exclaimed. I was still tired from my trip.

Watching me intently, he reached out, brushed the hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"As you wish."

I looked up, smiling and meeting his gaze. " _Really?_ " I asked, loving his easy, jovial demeanor.

"Yes, _really_!"

My laugh abruptly halted as he slid his body next to mine. I stiffened when his strong hands pulled and hugged me from behind. The sudden feel of his hard, chiseled chest made me shudder. I was frozen in shock. _Body,_ w _hat happened to waiting?_

_I want you_... my damn mind kept nagging.

His strong hand snaked around my waist, holding me tightly, imprisoning me to the feel of him. The heavy thud of his wildly beating heart was proof that he was as affected as I was. My body was shaking with hunger for Blake; a hunger that seemed to be getting close to impossible to _resist_.

"Hmmm... I just want to _smell_ you. I hardly slept knowing that you were sleeping in the next room. Can you grant me this small request, my sweet Sienna?" My body shivered with anticipated excitement. I nodded, urging him on.

His lips touched softly behind my earlobe as he trailed soft kisses all the way down to the base of my neck where he neatly pulled my hair to one side, exposing my neck and inhaling deeply. He groaned with frustration and a burst of lust surged from my aching core.

_Just one kiss_ , I thought wildly. _I just want a taste._ Turning around to face him, we stared at each other intently. An electric current between us crackled and sizzled. It was heady, intoxicating, searing.

My gaze fell on his lips. _One taste, that's it._ Feeling bold, I licked my own bottom lip. _It's now or never. Do it_. Slanting my head, I kissed him very softly. A guttural sound came from his throat as he devoured my lips. His kiss was demanding with potent alacrity as I matched his passion.

_This. Gorgeous. Man. Wants. Me._

Hooking my leg on his hips, I locked them against me. The feel of him being _this_ close drove my body to a raging inferno. _I'm so screwed._

Feeling brazen, I tugged and pulled his shirt off. I needed to _touch_ , _feel_ , _taste_ his hardened chest. I greedily stroked his chest as his kisses became rapacious. Encouraged from his groans, I kissed his neck and ran my whole hand on his chest, scratching his erect nipple.

"Ah," Blake hissed from pain and pleasure.

He speedily flipped me on my back and kissed my swollen lips hard. He briskly opened my boxer-clad legs and positioned his hot, hard body above me. Our tongues clashed as I locked both of my legs around him; his erection pressed boldly against his sheer pajamas. The heat of his erection rubbed with urgency against my covered mound, sending me into a tailspin.

We were on fire. I felt his need, his frustration, his want and desire from his blazing kisses. The mixture was heady and downright intoxicating.

I broke away from his mouth and moaned satisfyingly. The profound effect his body had on me was astounding. I felt drunk and more aroused than ever before.

"Blake," I gasped with my sex-awakened voice.

Gazing at me with lust-filled eyes, he ground his hips harder onto my core—making me even wetter. _Touch me._ _Please_. Panting hard like he'd run a marathon, he sat back, looking over my wanton state. _I can't breathe._ Time stood still. __ He softly caressed the cleft of the boxers, over my mound with his finger.

I whimpered and bit my lip, _hard_. _Blake... what you do to me..._

The evidence of my arousal seeped through the soaked silk fabric, wet and hot. His finger grazed it, teasingly and stopped right there while he held my gaze, and then spoke. "You're so beautiful. You have _no idea_ how much I want to fuck you, hard and fast as you scream my name when you orgasm. I want to feel you come apart while my cock fucks you harder." Oh, shit. My throat ran dry, his eyes pure with torment. "You have no idea... how much this is killing me, but I'm keeping my promise. _You will be mine, Sienna_. Not just for your body, I want _everything_ from you. I'll wait. You're worth the wait." His voice was gruff, but very much determined.

He shrugged and looked away. _Was he for real? What if I just want to get laid without the emotional hang-ups?_ "Blake—I— _are you serious?_ " I croaked out, wide-eyed in disbelief.

The infuriating man kissed me softly and then quickly pulled his body away. "Breakfast will be ready and waiting in ten minutes." With that, he left the bed and exited the door with an evident hard-on.

I was left with my mouth agape and still wide-open legs, waiting to be ambushed. _Who. Does. That? How can he just walk away when I'm more than willing? Because it isn't only the body he wants to possess. He wants me—body and soul—and he won't settle just for my body. He wants it all._

He wouldn't change his mind, either. He wouldn't make another move until I'd cleared my emotional closet and cleaned up all the cobwebs hanging loosely about. _How long will that take?_ I cursed. _Blake_. _Fucking_. _Knightly._

# Chapter 12

Showered and dressed in Blake's Manchester United football jersey, I piled my hair up and went straight to the kitchen. Upon entering, I stood frozen and watched as Blake placed an omelet and some bacon on each plate. His hair was still wet from the shower and he was bare-chested, wearing only his well-worn jeans while also barefoot. His defined torso and six-pack made a rippling effect as he moved about. My mouth watered. _What is it with men in jeans and bare feet? The combination's simply irresistible!_ Was he trying to drive me insane? _He looks so deliciously yummy!_

Feeling my presence, he turned around. With a sexy grin, he sauntered to where I was standing, kissed my forehead and guided me to sit at the breakfast bar.

"Coffee?" the hot chef asked. I nodded, unable to speak, still mesmerized by the charming, barefoot-jean-clad god. He went over to the coffeepot. My eyes gawked as his impressive back muscles flexed when he moved. I restrained from licking that nicely sculpted back and that nicely dipped curve along his spine. Yum!

_This man is too sexy; it's criminal._

I could stare at him all day without becoming bored. It was like eye porn and he was a delectable subject. At the same time, though, I wanted to throttle him. Here he was, acting like a good host, as if he hadn't left me hanging and yearning in the bedroom.

Coffee poured, he fixed it to my liking and placed the steaming cup in front of me with a sexy smirk. Blake's eyes twinkled. He was enjoying this. His eyes were dancing with amusement. __ Asshat!

"Blake, can you please put a shirt on?" I demanded petulantly. I didn't think my hormones could take another dose of this exuberant display of masculine perfection.

He just gave me a devilish smile and teasingly said, "Is it too much for you, Sienna? You just say the word and we can remedy that problem, _immediately_."

I shrugged. _What word? How about three words?_ Let's just fuck?

"Thought you needed a reminder—that we'd be _explosive_ together." That hoarse, gruff voice again. It was making my body hum like no other. "But I want your all, poppet."

_Don't I know it!_

"Baby steps, Blake." There was no doubt in my mind that we would be explosive, but I was trying to delay the inevitable. Once I let him in, there was no going back. There was no doubt in my mind that he would take everything; he would consume me without concession.

It would be easy to fall for Blake. Most women did, but I would be vulnerable, open, defenseless.

"Loser!" I proclaimed with a little victory dance, hands waving high and hips swaying.

"Don't count your eggs _yet_ , two more games to go," Blake declared playfully.

We were playing Scrabble. _I'll show him who's the BOSS!_ I had won two-to-one and he was a little annoyed because I kept teasing him. This was the second time I'd won a round with him and we'd played possibly a hundred games all together. I was ecstatic in my victory!

I was dancing one of my victory dances again when he pulled me to the couch and tickled me until I was out of breath, panting loudly as my thoughts were provoked. I badly wanted him to kiss me again, but he never tried. I wouldn't beg, though I was dying inside. It was as if the incident this morning had never happened. _How does he switch off like that? Hot and smoldering one second to casual and friendly the next?_

Standing in the open, built-in wine cellar, I was biting and twisting my lips in frustration. My indecisiveness was causing me to contemplate for the umpteenth time as to what kind of red wine to drink when he snaked his arm over my shoulder and grabbed his preferred wine.

"Do you feel like a bottle of Barolo?" Blake asked close to my ear. His question barely registered because I was hyperventilating.

I cleared my throat before I responded with a steady sounding voice, "I was actually thinking of Pinot Noir or _that_ , but you've made up my mind. Go get the wine ready. I'll go fetch the popcorn, Parisian cake and the fruits."

I could get used to this domesticated scene with Blake. He was so easy to be around; charming, thoughtful, witty and _sexy_ , but most of all, he made me laugh. It wouldn't be difficult to fall in love with him.

We watched another movie, our third one today. _Love Actually_ , one of our favorite movies. It was funny, sad and heart-warming at the same time. I snuggled close, drawing his heat and the need to be near him. He pulled me closer and placed my head against his strong, solid chest and held me firmly. I listened to his heart beating steadily, closing my eyes as he started to stroke my arm gently and I sighed with blissful contentment.

Life certainly was starting again, whether I wanted it to or not.

# Chapter 13

The sound of my ring tone blaring jolted me awake. I was about to reach for my phone when it suddenly dawned on me that there was a strong, heavy arm clutching my waist.

_Blake._

I turned around to see if the noise had awoken him, but his steady breathing showed he was fast asleep. I unhooked his draping arm carefully as I slid off the bed, grabbed my phone from the side table and left the bedroom as I softly made my way to the living room.

_Why did Blake sleep next to me?_ He didn't the night before last.

Either way, I was happy he did.

The entire flat was dark, but the moonlight helped me find my way around. When my toe touched the plush, black area rug, I opened my phone to see who the caller was. _Who would call me at this time of night? Luce? Jen?_

_Kyle._ It was him. Again.

_I might as well get this out of the way._ If I have to start considering being with Blake, it was best to clear out as much "Kyle baggage" as I could. The other issues I had would continue needing to be worked on. I'd have to talk to Chad, my gay, go-to person and a very dear friend, about this. He's my unofficial therapist.

After a couple of rings, he picked up. "God, Sienna! I've been going crazy here! _Are you okay, baby_?" Kyle sounded frantic and like he _was_ going crazy. _Why is he still pursuing this issue? He made it perfectly obvious what his intentions were the last time I saw him._

"Yeah, Kyle; I'm great! This call better be important if you had to wake me up at _FOUR_ in the morning. So, what do you want, Matthews?" I sounded exactly how I felt; furious and annoyed.

"Jesus, baby, take it easy, will you? I've been trying to reach you, but you've been ignori—"

"It was done with good reason, Kyle! I told you—very clearly in fact—not to contact me again. But _no, no, no_! You never listen to me. I'm hurting; that's a given. It wasn't just our dating relationship that ended; I lost my childhood best friend, too! _So, am I okay with that_? Not really, but it was _your_ choice. It was _your_ choice to go behind my back— _cheat_ —and start dating Brooke before having the decency— _like other men do_ —to simply break-up with their girlfriend first!" I shrieked with erupting anger.

I heard him sigh, heavy and pained. "I'm sorry, Sienna _, baby_. I've been missing you so badly. I've been drinking non-stop and got a DUI. I had a hard time handling things without you. _I am hurting, too_. You left me, even if it was for school... but you left and went on with your life without me. When you called, happy and excited about your day, _I felt left out_. It had been you and me against the world since we were kids, but in the end... there was _just me_. I was lonely—I needed you—but I couldn't beg you to give up your life for me. You already went through so much with your family. I can't ask it of you. Breaking it off was the best thing to do, —and I was getting by... trying to live my life... working harder on my career. It was helping and, for the first time since we said our goodbyes at the airport, I felt like I was living again." He drew air into his lungs before continuing. _Crap._

"When you showed up at Katie's party, everything went down the drain... all the things I told myself that had helped me get through were forgotten the moment I saw you again. You looked even more beautiful..." He sounded choked up; his thoughts and feelings unconcealed. My stomach churned.

"I simply wanted you— _I needed you, I still need you, Sienna_ —like air to breathe. You're my life and I can't just go on living and not be with you. Without you, I'm in hell. _I'm desperate for you..._ and without a doubt... in my mind—my heart—I'm _still hopelessly in love_ with you, Sienna," his voice was barely a whisper. I wouldn't have heard him if the apartment wasn't so eerily quiet.

_Oh Kyle!_ _This conversation's killing me inside._ He was dying from pain. __ I felt it. I felt his pain and it tore me up inside because I didn't want him to hurt. _I love him, but I can't go through this; I'm beyond hurt._ The man who I'd placed so highly on a pedestal had crushingly betrayed me and appallingly let me down. That was something I couldn't get past or forget about.

I sighed with a heavy heart, the weight pulling me down, "Kyle..."

"Sienna..." His voice came out gruff and anguished. "Please, please, I beg you. All these years I never asked much from you, but I'm begging you now, give me another chance. Let's give us another shot. I won't let you down this time. I promise you I'll figure it out, speak to Dad and work in our branch in London. I'll do anything. _I'll promise you anything_. Just please, think about it? We can get married, if you want... I'd give anything to have you back... just please, Sienna, forgive me and love me again."

He sounded so broken and extremely desperate.

I sat on the floor, leaning on the couch with my lips quivering. What he said broke me in two. If he had come clean and been honest about his feelings, we wouldn't have broken up. We would still be together. Plan our lives, get married and have babies. It was what we talked about. He had thrown that out the window because he was lonely. I had been lonely, too, for the whole time we were apart, but I hadn't acted on it. What I wanted most was trust, honesty and loyalty and Kyle lost on all three counts.

_Can I take him back? After what he's done, I could, possibly, try to see if things could work out if he'd showed remorse and guilt. I might've before—before Blake told me how he felt about me. Hold on, did he say anything about what he felt? Besides wanting me? No. He hadn't. His intentions were clear, though. He wanted me, in his bed, yet other than that, he'd never spoken about any indication about the future. It was sex he was after—my whole cooperation—but not once did he mention he was after my heart._

I mentally shook my head. _It doesn't matter._ My heart was not up for anyone to grab. Love made you weak and opened you up for pain and suffering. Never again! I took a chance with Kyle because he had been everything to me, but he'd reinstated my beliefs by proving them right.

"Kyle, I forgive you. I do. It would have been easier for us if you'd told me about your feelings then—how terrible it was for you—but you never uttered a word to me about your pain and I'm sorry for that. I am. However, asking me to give us another try? That's a bit too much. I can't trust you. You hurt me and I'm not ready to forgive that yet. I'm so sorry for everything, but it's all too late now; I can't be with you," my voice trembled because each word punctured me deeply.

Never in a million years had I imagined that I would cause Kyle pain and suffering. I wanted him to be happy and part of me continued to want to take all that pain away. He meant that much to me, but I couldn't sacrifice myself for his happiness.

I just couldn't.

"So, please, I'm begging you now, Kyle, I need space. I can't talk for a while. Maybe in a year we could be friends again, who knows? However right now, I simply can't. We just have to move on with our lives, separately. Goodbye, Kyle... I'll always miss you." Those last two sentences were torturous to utter. The pain in my heart was so acute, I gasped for breath.

I immediately ended the call before he had the chance to speak. I almost ran to the bathroom across the hall, but I was careful not to make a lot of noise and wake up Blake. Blake awake was the last thing I needed right now. He'd grill me until he'd gotten all the facts as to why I was distraught.

The bathroom was dark and comforting. The moment I closed the door, I slid down it and sank onto the cold marble tiles then cried, _hard_. I cried because Kyle was the only family I had growing up. Because he was my best friend, my first love.

It hurt, but I didn't have it in me to forget what Kyle had done. He made his bed. He simply needed to grow up and accept that sometimes things just didn't work the way you pictured them.

After weeping for what seemed like an eternity, I washed my face and swollen eyes. I stared at the mirror, studying my distressed state, complete with blotchy skin from crying. _That's enough crying. You've shed it all and you have nothing left. Be strong._

I walked slowly back to the bedroom and positioned my body next to a sleeping Blake, curling up, closing my eyes and praying for sleep to come so I didn't have to think about my life. Even if just for a little while. Experiencing this kind of loss certainly made me realize that life would never be the same again for me.

_Kyle_. He'd always be a part of me. I would always remember him as the man who took me in, held me close and protected me. He was my hero, my love, my best friend.

_Goodbye, my Kyle. I will always miss you._

# Chapter 14

Waking up the next day was brutal. My body was lethargic and my head pounded. I groaned and covered my head with a pillow. As much as I wanted to stay in bed all day, though, I knew that I needed to keep moving to find some sanity.

Reaching for my phone, I was shocked to find that it was already eleven-thirty. _Haul your lazy butt out of bed, Sienna._

Sitting on the bed, I decided to text Chad.

Me: _Hey, love! Are you busy? Want to meet me @ the studio to let off some steam?_ -S

Dragging myself to the bathroom, I washed my face and brushed my teeth then studied my reflection. My eyes were red and swollen from crying, my skin blotchy and my hair was a tangled mess.

_Oh, Kyle! What a disaster._

After I had showered, I changed into my freshly laundered dress that I'd worn a few days ago. It was time to go back and change. As much as I liked wearing Blake's clothes, I missed my own. Putting on some gloss, I went to go look for him and found him in his library which also served as his office. He was on a call in a heated discussion and engrossed with something on his laptop. I backed away and went to the kitchen to give him time to take care of whatever was so important.

I sat at the breakfast bar enjoying my coffee and croissant when I received a text from Chad.

Chad: _Sure, baby love. What time do you want to meet? I'm free now. Want to grab lunch somewhere? Or better yet, how about I come over with Chinese? xxx_

Smiling, I eagerly replied to meet me at my apartment in an hour and Chinese would suffice.

I put my phone down, sipping my coffee and enjoying a buttery croissant when Blake strolled in with what seemed to be an empty coffee mug and a serious face.

"Everything okay?" I inquired lightly. Wondering where he'd gotten his mood from.

Blake shrugged. "Just work. We're trying to open a hotel and casino in Marbella and there seems to be a problem with permits as well as budget overruns that I have to look into."

"That's unfortunate. I hope you guys can figure out a way to fix that. Marbella's a prime location. I'm sure you and your people will figure out a way. You're good at that."

I melted when he gave me his sexy smile. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, poppet."

"Anytime, Knightly" I winked at him as I retreated back to nursing my coffee.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'm meeting Chad for lunch at my flat in an hour and we'll hit the studio later in the afternoon, perhaps."

Blake turned and walked over to the coffee pot. Stirring his contents with two teaspoons of sugar before returning to his former post, leaning against the kitchen sink. "Sounds like fun! Will you be back here tonight?"

"Do you want me to? I'm sure you're busy with work, Blake. I don't want to impose any longer."

He left the sink, came over to where I sat and swerved my chair so I sat there facing him. "Listen, you're not imposing. I invited you to stay here. I would love for you to stay with me tonight before Monday comes. We'll be busy, but always count on me to make time for you." _Swoon._

"I love spending time with you, too," I said shyly. I was still not used to being with Blake like _this_. It caught me by surprise every time.

"What time do you plan to leave? I'll take you," he said over his coffee as he took a sip.

"Are you sure? Aren't you busy with the Marbella project?" He couldn't keep pushing his work aside for me. I didn't want him to get into trouble with his grandfather.

" _Yes_ , but I'm still taking you. End of Story."

_Bossy aren't we?_

"All right, in that case, save dinner for me. My turn to cook."

"Brilliant! Apart from your coffee making skills, I haven't tried anything else." Blake was back to teasing.

I punched him lightly on the arm. "Hey! Don't make fun of me! I'll load your dish with cayenne pepper just to punish you for that!" I happily grinned at him.

" _Oh, really_! My type of punishment will make you suffer with sweet torture. So watch it, my sweet. Take _only_ what you can handle." Threats, though hot, but threats all the same.

_Am I one to back down? Don't think so, buster!_ "We'll see about that, Knightly," I retorted, amused.

He held my hand as we both got up and he went to fetch his keys to drive me back home to meet with Chad for lunch.

# Chapter 15

"Have some room for dessert, love?"

I looked at Chad, astonished that he could even stuff himself more, considering how much Chinese takeaway he had consumed. "Go help yourself; I'm in a coma." I moaned as I gently patted my belly.

"We'll just do double time with dancing tonight. It's okay; cheesecake?" Flagging a forkful of blueberry cheesecake in my mouth.

I groaned in frustration with his persistent attitude, knowing full well I had a weakness for sweets. Evil man! _Heavens! That was delicious_.

I got up and went to the kitchen to prepare some coffee. When I came back, Chad was already almost halfway done with the cheesecake.

"Is something's bothering you? What is it, baby love?" He glanced at me with a perfectly arched, ebony brow. This was as good a time as any.

Feeling helpless and confused, I spilled everything about Blake. They were friends by association, therefore Chad didn't know I had the hots for Blake Knightly and my confession shocked him.

He whistled after I finished with my tale, took a big gulp of coffee and looked me square in the eye, "Wow. That's some story." Chad lightly fanned himself. _You don't say, buster?_ I smirked. "I'm usually pretty good at these things, but I never once thought he saw you that way, love. I mean, apart from a few lingering glances here and there... Wow, that man can certainly put a mask on! God, I can't believe you didn't just shag him! How could you not even think of going all the way, love? I would've yelled at the top of my lungs and told him to ' _pummel me any way you want me, baby!'_ " Chad looked all hot and bothered all of sudden. I was sure his thoughts involved the sweaty, smoldering hot body of Blake. I had no doubt in my mind Chad would do exactly that. We both had the _hots_ for Blake Knightly.

I laughed loudly and then, smiling at my dear friend, I confided, "I was sort of ready to do it all the way, but he resisted and I admire him for that. It's difficult enough that I just barely got out of a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I _like_ Blake—more than I should at the moment—and when he's around, he's all I think about, but I'm not emotionally ready. I'm drained and I can't simply put myself in that situation. Not right now, maybe in a few months. Blake's an intense person. He will consume me and I'm not ready for that kind of emotional rollercoaster. Not yet."

It was very confusing to be in this position. Here I was, trying to gather my bearings after such a riotous upheaval with Kyle and a whirlwind of hotness of the formidable god that was Blake Knightly had been added. What was a girl to do?

"Even though he's a deliciously sinful specimen, I get where you're coming from," Chad sympathized. "Maybe you can still have fun with him without getting too attached? Or you can just enjoy being single and see what's out there. God knows you haven't yet experienced London single! Maybe it's time you should, love! I'll be with you all the way! This is so exciting." He looked wistful, like he was imagining all sorts of scenarios in his head. _I bet his are more revealing than mine._

Blinking a few times, I leaned back on the couch and exhaled, sighing. Chad had a point. For me to jump from one relationship to another was not good, _everyone knew that_. I still had baggage to sort through with Kyle. I couldn't think about him without feeling a heavy knot in my chest. Everything was unbelievably complicated.

"You're right. Maybe being single is the answer to all this."

"There you go. Speaking of fun, I have a different motive for coming here. I need a model for my theme with the art show I have in eleven weeks and I want you to pose for me... with a male model, who I don't know at the moment—"

"Pose?"

"Yes, pose! Model for me! For my grunge sensual theme—"

"I'm not model material, Chad!"

"I beg to differ. Have you seen your body, Sienna? C-cup breasts, small waist and that ass! Although, most of all, you are gorgeous! You look sensual and you fit my theme. I don't see anyone else that would be as fitting, baby love. Do this for me and I'll be forever in your debt. Will you do it, love?" He was on his knees with a huge pout and dark eyes, pleading. Chad, with his flair for the dramatics, didn't exactly hold back when he was desperate.

This meant I was the only person he had in mind. _Sigh, the things we do for the people we love._ "Ah! How you tug at my heart. You just have to go looking all sad! Fine! I'll do it! You can bet your skinny ass that you'll be indebted to me for a while! When does it start?"

"I have to speak to a few guys tomorrow. I'll let you know by Tuesday. Shooting will be in around a week or two. The images I want are risqué and you'll be technically nude with undies, just to warn you." He looked delirious and sheepish at the same time, happy that his project was well on its way.

_Technically nude? Shit. Bite me._ I pulled my legs to my chest. Thoughts of the shoot mocked my mind. What if it looked obscene and tacky? "These better be tasteful, Chad," I warned.

Chad merely huffed. "Baby love, I only do it _with_ taste and class! You know that!" True, I did know that. His artworks were appealing and riveting. I was sure my lack of confidence came from my own insecurities.

After lunch, we left to go for a walk around Bond Street and went inside Selfridges before hitting the gym. He needed some apparel and he enjoyed modeling them as I sat, cheerfully critiquing his choices.

A couple of hours later, we left for Hampstead and hit the gym. They have floor-to-ceiling-mirrors that surround the room. There were six rooms in total and we took one that wasn't occupied.

Damp with perspiration, I gulped a whole bottle of water. The four sets of samba gave me a much needed workout and it felt great.

"Get your sweet, Brazilian ass back here! Time to shake it for Salsa!" Chad called out as he was jumping about and browsing through his iPod.

"Coming!" I yelled as I made my way to the middle of the room. I studied the image before me. Dressed in my black leggings and cut-off, loose shirt that hung off one shoulder, I looked flushed and glowing.

The two-hour workout with Chad had left me in a happy state as I made my way through the checkout counter in Waitrose on Marylebone High Street. I was going to make spinach salad with cherry tomatoes and stuffed mushrooms, lasagna with hot Italian sausage instead of beef, garlic bread and tiramisu to finish the meal.

I paid for my items and hurried outside to hail a cab. Sitting comfortably inside, I texted Blake that I was on my way with groceries in hand and to meet me in the lobby.

# Chapter 16

Playing with my wine glass, I took a sip and looked at the man across from me. His fitted black shirt emphasized his bulging biceps and broad shoulders, making my thoughts slide downwards into explicit territory. "Blake..."

He looked up from his tiramisu. "Hmm?"

"Is it okay if we keep this— _whatever this is_ —between you and me? Until, I've thought things through?" Right, like _whatever this is_ would be a suitable description.

Something passed in his eyes before he responded, "If that's what you wish, then, I'll oblige, Sienna."

"Thank you. Since we're on the subject, what is it you're really after? A relationship? A fling? _Friends with benefits?_ " The list could go on really.

"A relationship, but as I said before, it's your decision. I am not going to pressure you to do anything you don't want to, however if you are, I want everything and _only_ you, exclusively. I don't share what's mine." That was good to hear. I mean, I didn't want to share him if he was giving me the goods.

"I see. That's a lot to take in." I looked up to him with a serious expression because the damn atmosphere had dropped and it was becoming quite serious.

"It is. That's why I want you to think about it carefully." Blake leaned back on his chair, studying my reaction to his words. His eyes were cautious and gauging.

"What happens to our friendship? I don't want to ruin what we have. It's a major factor for me." It was one of my many fears. Blake and I could lose a lot if things turned ugly.

"I know and our friendship means a lot to me, too, but I want you! I'm _burning_ for you, Sienna. I can't seem to get you out of my head! It's driving me insane. It's the only thing I can think about; _you're_ the only thing that I think about. I can't think straight, Sienna!" Blake's face was unashamed from his admission. If anything, he looked unfaltering. He was a man that knew what he wanted.

I was starting to become weary. "How about we try friends with benefits? No strings attached kind of thing first?" _Say yes_ , my thoughts pleaded to no avail as he shook his pretty head.

"No. I _want_ all __ the strings; the good and the bad. If it's too much to be with me because you're still recovering from your ex then, as I said before, I'll wait. I want you to want this, too; badly enough that you can't wait to be with me. I want you open only for me and no one else." _My. He just keeps on pressing and pushing forward, doesn't he? Fuck, he's so damn delicious, too._

His unabashed admission turned me on while it also gave my stomach butterflies. I desperately wanted to kiss him. Blake was the kind of man who knew what he wanted and didn't hesitate to get it; he could be utterly ruthless.

"Why me, Blake? I know you don't do serious relationships. I mean, you have so many women who don't have any emotional hang-ups or issues. I just don't get it; you could have any woman you want. What makes me different compared to Camilla or the others?"

"That's easy. You're different because you're all sassiness and sexiness; well, most of the time, however sometimes you can just be gullible. You're unique and I've never felt this connection with anyone. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. I knew this even before we kissed, which merely confirmed what I knew. You feel it, too. I've seen you trying to tame it down, yet it only intensifies. This is the point of no return for us, Sienna. You know that."

Point of no return, he said. _Did I know that?_ Yes, I sort of did. Blake didn't do things in small measures and I was next on his list, apparently.

"It's like that, huh?" I gave him a teasing smile as I got out of my chair and walked across the table to where he was sitting. His face lit-up with a knowing smile.

Does the bad boy want to come out and play? I thought provokingly as his smile became dangerous. Oh yeah. He definitely does!

I stopped before him, hooked my right leg to the other side of the chair and straddled him. He gasped at the sudden contact of my body. Without hesitation, I took his face with both of my hands and kissed him passionately, _deeply_. My kiss showed him how much his words affected me. How he made me forget about everything except for him.

The kiss was ferocious as our hunger battled against our tongues. I pushed my ass down harder and ground against him. We both groaned as his hands gripped my waist, pressing me firmly in place against his jeans that revealed his hardened shaft. The friction was pure torture. The heat of his rock-hard erection against my soaked underwear was madness.

My body took over; I suddenly felt possessed, wanting to feel more of him as I rocked myself slowly against him. I was on fire as I kissed his neck, sucking it until he moaned my name. I slowly kissed him as I became lost in this blanket of mindless lust with this beautiful man. The spiral feel of emotions rocketed through my body as we devoured each other. My heart ached. I wanted him. So. Badly.

However, what tore me up inside was the prospect of losing him altogether as my dear friend. He meant a lot to me and, by sleeping with him, there was a huge possibility that our friendship could not and would not survive.

Breaking from our locked lips, he touched his forehead against mine. "You've enslaved me, but I'm asking you to stop torturing me. E _nd my agony. S_ ay yes." His voice sounded different; it was pleading and laced with hungered passion. It simply thrilled me to the core. I had this power over him, and for a man such as Blake, that was something important. I heeded.

"Blake—"

He took my chin and looked me straight in the eye. "Be mine, Sienna. Your body tells me that it's mine, but your mind resists. Stop fighting it and let it conquer us. We're fated to be together. I knew it from the moment I met you. You were made for me." _How sure could he be?_

"Blake, I can't have sex with you tonight... but I can help you. I'll help you... get off..." My voice trailed off, lust-filled and with purpose.

Empowered from his reaction, I made up a plan. I might not be ready to do the deed, but I was ready to have fun. _What fun it'll be, too._

I peeled myself off him and lead him straight into the living room. I dimmed the lights and directed him to sit on the couch. "Take all your clothes off except your boxers." I commanded with absolute seriousness.

Walking over to his iPod player, I chose the song "I've Been Thinking" by Handsome Boy Modeling. It was fitting for what I had in mind for him. When I turned around, he was already situated in the middle of the couch and oh so ready! Blake's compelling eyes preyed on me, scrutinizing each move I made. His smooth, six-pack abs and torso looked too tempting not to be noticed. His black boxer briefs fit him like a glove. My, oh my, what a package!

I swallowed and started to panic. _Shit cakes. Do I know what I'm doing? You've got it under control. You're fine. You can do this! Now, move._

"I need to get something. I'll be back in a flash and don't move an inch, Knightly." I almost _ran_ to the bathroom, fetched what I needed and darted back to where Blake was patiently waiting for me. "So, where were we?" I murmured as I got close to him. "Oh yeah, pleasing you, Mister Knightly." Smiling and biting my lip, I felt excited and wicked at the same time. I felt like I was on top of the world when he looked at me.

Opening his legs a little wider, I stood before him with my long, dark hair wild and mussed-up, lips swollen from his kisses. I untied the knot at my neck and pulled my short dress above my head, slowly and deliberately, making a teeny show for him as I let my dress drop on the floor.

When I heard him groan, it was exactly the push I needed. My eyes took him and his reaction in. His face was stoic as his eyes darkened, making his gold flecks stand out, his gaze penetrating me, burning unadulterated fire. With shaky hands, I unhooked my bra, swiftly pulled it off and seductively placed it on my fingers, letting it dramatically drop to the floor. I stood before him with my hot-pink lacy thong and four-inch, patent nude, Rolando Louboutin pumps.

_Still_ , no sound came from him, but his eyes spoke volumes. They were locked on my round and heavy breasts. His penetrating gaze alone had the power to make my nipples harden and my womanhood drench with excitement.

Strategically bending over him with my butt in the air, I kissed his neck and slowly made my way to his tanned and chiseled torso. I licked the outer part of his nipple until it hardened and covered with goose bumps. My hot tongue flicked it slowly and my teeth playfully bit it.

He gasped. "Fuck, Sienna. You're killing me." Slowly, but surely, they say...

Glancing at him through my lashes, I gave him a cat-like smile. "I've only just started. Be patient, young man!"

I went back to assaulting his left nipple then took my other hand and scratched the counterpart. Blake buckled. I smiled. _You like that, don't you?_

My tongue snaked slowly to his navel and I nipped around it. My fingers traced the outline of his boxer-briefs, soft and light, only enough to make him tingle. I wanted him hot, ready and rabid.

My fingers gently pulled down his boxers and I gasped loudly from his springing cock. It was massive; the girth was thick with a big vein that outlined his hardened ridge. _Wow, impressive!_ My eyes were greedy, my mouth watered and my hands itched. _Hell to the mother fucking yes!_

I gathered my bearings and hastily pulled the boxers off his long legs. Kneeling, both of my hands gripped his thighs. I kissed his inner thigh, slowly and deliberately, as I made my way to his balls. My hand cupped them, _hard,_ and started to play with them—massaging and pulling a bit. Holding his balls firmly, careful not to touch his ready to combust cock, I slowly got up and bent over to kiss his neck. My lips assaulted; sucking and biting his earlobe while my hand continued to grip and squeeze his balls.

" _Sienna,_ " Blake muttered, edgy.

I felt his large hands cup and grip my ass. He gave my left butt cheek a loud spanking. "Ahh!" I yelped from pleasure, but he needed to hold back. It was my playtime, my show. "Naughty, naughty. Don't touch, Knightly." I hissed.

"I can't help it. Your beautifully shaped arse was right there just waiting to be spanked."

"Enough," I scolded the Brit.

He immediately shut his mouth when my hand found his manhood, stroking it slowly, up and down its silky, hard length. The gesture made him close his eyes with his mouth hanging ajar.

"You like that, Mr. Knightly?" I inquired with a raspy, sultry voice. I licked my lips as I watched my hand touch him, his shaft got bigger and bigger.

" _Yes,_ " he responded, his voice thick and throaty.

Still stroking him, I used my other hand to reach for the oil and flipped it open. I drizzled and smothered it all over his throbbing cock as it freely oozed all the way to his balls. It wetted my hands as I massaged it on his body, spreading the oil all over his thighs, his torso and on my breasts. Once done, I retreated back to catering his hardened ridge.

Right-hand on his cock and my left on his balls, stroking his lengthy cock slowly as I sucked his balls and played with them with my tongue. He rasped my name as if in pain. Easing my mouth slowly from his sack, I gripped his hardened length and stroked it as I covered his engorged head with my other free hand, swiping my oiled fingers at the crown, making delightful friction on his manhood.

Blake instantly buckled from my assault. "Fuck!"

Encouraged, I gently squeezed the head of his shaft as I rotated my hand, upping his pleasure as I simultaneously stroked the rest of his cock all the way to the base with fervent concentration. Blake was moaning my name, uninhibited in his delirious state. I accelerated the speed once I felt him grip my shoulder and pant loudly.

_Oh, he's so close. I want to see this compelling man come apart in my hand, in my mouth._

My determined tongue viciously caressed him as I touched my hand to his ready-to-combust head and massaged his balls. My hot, greedy mouth swallowed his swelling crown. I sucked him, hard. My tongue flicked on the small, slit opening of his shaft, where his creamy juices come out, before I hastily retreated to the bottom of his head where it was extremely sensitive, teasing him relentlessly.

I bobbed my head, twirling my tongue around his crown as my tongue swiped and stroked him harder, taking everything I could from him. Blake took my head and clutched his hands in my hair, firmly holding me in place. With another strong flick of my tongue, he finally surrendered, yelling my name as he unloaded himself in my mouth. I sucked him hard, devouring every drop of essence that he secreted out; leaving not a drop behind.

Blake gasped for air as he stared wildly at me, fascinated. I pulled my mouth off his cock; his cum still sat creamily on my tongue. Without blinking, I wantonly gazed at him through my lashes while I swallowed his creamy seed, _slowly,_ and licked my lips after. Boy did that ever catch his attention.

_Hell, Blake even tastes divine._ Midnight silver eyes blazed, never leaving mine. Blake hastily pulled me down on the couch and swiftly placed my hot aroused body underneath him. His dominating swiftness left me ravenous. To say my body was humming would be an understatement. At this point, it was singing at the opera house.

When he managed to find my lips and sealed them with his, he kissed me with pure abandonment. I kissed him back, matching his passion.

I felt drunk with lust—with need—all because of Blake. He did things to my body that I couldn't explain. It kept exploding when he was near, like he was the puppeteer and I was merely his puppet.

My pussy throbbed and my thong was beyond soaked. I was more than ready. Blake broke off the kiss, sought my neck while his hand cupped my breast, squeezing a hard nipple as he fiercely bit my neck _._

"Holy. Shit. Blake!!!!" I screeched.

Blake's still-hard cock teased and rubbed the outer layer of my barely covered mound "You're drenched, Sienna. Are you sure you don't want me to remedy that?" His roughened voice was hoarse against my ear and it made me shudder.

How I wanted him... to feel him inside of me, but it was not the right time.

Groaning my name loudly, Blake took his cock and determinedly guided the head around my pussy. Coaxing the lace with one swift nudge of his engorged head to move the elastic lace sideways, my swollen lips exposed to his assaulting eyes and awaiting cock.

Blake's eyes glittered.

_Not, yet_. I pleaded in my hazy mind, _not yet_.

"God, you're beautiful, Sienna." He softly rasped out as he gently parted my pussy with his cock. The engorged head gliding, slowly and gently, as it rubbed against my clit. _Dear me. That feels blindingly exquisite._ "I know we can't have sex. Don't worry," Blake gently assured me. I nodded, trusting him fully.

My chest heaved and my eyes closed. _Blake, what are you doing to me?_ I felt like a whole different person, not the old Sienna, but someone wanton, shameless.

My thoughts departed as he teased the tip of his head around my opening. Circling it slowly, _excruciatingly_ , until I was delirious from pleasure. His lips planted kisses all over my stomach and then he placed his mouth directly in front of my pussy. I hooked my leg on top of the couch and the other on his shoulder. _God, YES!!!_

"Open your eyes." I did as he commanded. "Never take your eyes off me. Watch what I can do to your body."

My eyes were the size of saucers, my mouth agape as I saw his tongue taste me with a slow flick, sucking my dripping clit. Blake took his thumb and played with it some more. The image of him going down on me, tasting me, was carnal and erotic. I almost lost it. I was mesmerized and couldn't take my eyes off him. My body was already strung out, but the raging onslaught of his tongue was too intense, and suddenly, I ran out of breath as my body quivered, responding beautifully to him.

"Come for me, my sweet Sienna." His mouth was unrelenting, savagely caressing my pussy as he inserted a finger inside my molten opening. The pleasure it gave me was unbearable. My orgasm was closing in on me, fast.

My breathing halted when I felt him insert another finger inside. It found my spot and he rubbed both his fingers there, ceaselessly. "Yes, give it to me. Please!" I begged as I gripped the couch, scraping it with my nails as my orgasm rocked me in waves. My body twitched from my release and I was panting, out of breath.

Whoa!

I closed my eyes and sank back on the couch. _Energy all spent_ , I thought contently as I limply moved my hand to cover my eyes. _That was mind-blowing!_ Never in my years with Kyle had I experienced anything like it and that was only his tongue and fingers. Imagine what his cock would do to me when the time came. That thought alone made me want to jump on him and find out. I did say Blake made me shameless, didn't I?

Spent, Blake placed himself on top of me. He kissed my lips gently and tenderly. "Now, we're even." _Hell yeah! What a payback it was, too!_

He kissed my nose as he slowly got up and then swiftly plucked me off the couch as if I weighed nothing. Blake headed towards the bedroom and placed me carefully on the bed before he slid in next to me.

"Wow. Just wow," I whispered in awe.

"I know. It makes me wonder what fucking you would be like," he wondered out loud as he kissed my earlobe and tugged me closer to him. "One day, you will be mine. All those sweet juices will be for my mouth and my cock. You won't want anyone else."

_Hmm, smug, aren't we?_ "Arrogant man," I mumbled softly.

"No, just being truthful. You gave me something tonight. The memory of you almost naked, stroking and sucking me, will forever be ingrained in my memory." _I'm sure it will._ It was what I wanted to do.

I laughed sleepily.

He kissed my shoulder, hugged me tightly and whispered goodnight. His soft breathing hit my neck as we both fell asleep.

# Chapter 17

Monday came with a rush. My classes were a little hectic. From marketing classes to Art History, I was sure I was about to spend a lot of time studying paintings in The National Gallery to catch up.

I came home yesterday after spending three nights with Blake. Luce came back upbeat from her vacation with Toby and things seemed to be going pretty steady between the two. I was keeping my fingers crossed. I never once mentioned to her that I'd slept in Blake's flat or any occurrence I'd had with him. I wanted to keep it to myself for now.

Blake had been texting me about how his day was. He mentioned how hectic his schedule was going to be, but asked if I wanted to have dinner with him Friday night. I eagerly replied and said yes, of course. I liked how he was being patient with me. I was even surprised that he was willing. The Blake I knew didn't wait on women; it was the other way around. They waited on him. I hoped, though, that he wasn't risking our friendship because I was simply a novelty. I guess I just had to wait and see how he fared with the situation.

By Thursday, I was tired and weary. I hadn't been sleeping properly. My thoughts lingered at night and it had been driving me insane. I hadn't heard from Kyle either. I was relieved and saddened at the same time. _Will there ever come a time that I won't feel this deep anguish every single time I think of him?_ I was haunted by that last phone call; his voice desperate and pained. I truly hoped that he was doing well and not indulging himself with alcohol until he was numb from the pain. I'd never known him to be so irresponsible. That's why it was a surprise that he'd gotten a DUI.

I was sure his parents were overjoyed with that news. I could seriously see their shocked faces and the disappointment. They were a lovely couple. They loved Kyle very much. Chris Matthews and I were friendly, but we'd never been close. Kyle's mom Marie, on the other hand, was a dear and had made me feel right at home ever since I was a little girl. When I pictured what my mom would've been like, I always imagined my mom's face with Marie's gentle personality. Marie treated me like I was her own. I would always be grateful for her.

Sitting in my marketing class, my mind drifted in and out of the lecture. I really needed to focus or else I would certainly fail.

My phone beeped silently. I took it out of my purse and saw that Chad had sent me a message.

Chad: _Baby love!!!! I got your male model!!!! FINALLY! He's über hot!!! It's going to be FABULOUS!!! Just you wait, love! I'll text you the deets for the shoot next week. I think we'll be doing a shoot once a week for six weeks? I'll let you know! Love You! xxxxxx_

_Ha!_ I wondered where he'd found his model. I just hoped his shots wouldn't be raunchy or tasteless. How comfortable would it be to pose almost nude with a stranger? This should be interesting. I might need to take my accomplice, Don Patron, with me to soothe my nerves.

I just might.

By the time the class ended, it was already six p.m., so I rushed home to cook dinner because I was feeling ravenous. Hopefully, Lucy hadn't arrived yet so I could cook before she did. She usually came home around seven from school. She's a sophomore and had a bad schedule.

When I opened the apartment door, I was surprised that there was noise coming from the living room. _Luce is home early_ , I thought.

"Luce? I'm home! What do you feel like for dinner? I'm cooking!" I called out to her as I placed my purse on the floor and checked the mail that was stacked on the rustic-looking table where we placed our keys and other knick-knacks.

I barely glanced up as Lucy came to greet me. She looked a little frazzled which was unusual coming from her.

"Luce?" I gave her a questioning look, but instead of responding, she dragged me to her bedroom and gently closed the door behind me. _Okay..._

"Mrs. Matthews is here!" Lucy exclaimed.

I gasped. _What! Kyle's mother? Here? What in the world is she doing here? Shit! Did something happen to Kyle?_

"Is Kyle okay? Did she mention what she wanted?" I asked dramatically. All these weird scenarios popped and flashed about in my head; none of them any good.

"I don't know. She never said. She's been waiting for twenty minutes. You should go and ask her yourself. Whatever it is she came here for, be strong." Luce gave me a hug and squeezed me tightly.

"Right. Thanks for the warning." My hand sought out hers, gently squeezing it before I left and strolled towards the living room to find Marie.

My hands were clammy and I rubbed them on my jeans as I entered the living room.

I found Marie gracefully sitting on the couch, drinking tea as she watched the news on the television. I was relieved that Luce had taken care of her and had made her feel comfortable.

"Marie?"

"Sienna, dear, how are you? It's so good to see you again. I was a little miffed that you didn't come to see me when you went back home. I've missed you."

_Oh, my_. That made me teary and wobbly. I wanted to see her, but the thought of Kyle had stopped me. I didn't know how he would feel about me going behind his back and visiting his mother.

"I'm sorry. I meant to see you, but circumstances made it difficult for me. I've missed you, too."

She stood in front of me and gave me a loving hug. "I hope you're doing okay, Sienna?" She eyed me with concern.

"I'm fine. Is everything okay? You're visiting London?" I cautiously asked her. I needed to know the purpose of her visit.

Marie started to sit down and I sat across from her on the other couch. I needed as much distance between us as possible because it just had to be that way from now on. As much as I like Marie, she's still Kyle's mother and she would look out for her son first and foremost.

"Sienna, let me explain my visit and I hope that you will let me finish before you voice your thoughts. Is that okay with you, dear?" I nodded and said yes, eager for her to get on. "I know it's been extremely tough for you and Kyle both since you moved here. I saw his despair when you left. It tore my heart to pieces to see him go through something like that, but he somewhat survived that hurdle and started to live life again. Since the moment he saw you back home, he's been spiraling out of control and I need to intervene before things really get out of hand and he ends up dead somewhere."

I gasped. _Kyle? Why do you do this to yourself?_

"A few days ago, I caught him passed out in the bathroom with lines of cocaine next to him. I was hysterical with worry and so I called Chris, panicking. We discussed what we needed to do to help our child cope with his problems. We sat Kyle down the next day, after he recovered from his binging." She gently wiped a tear that had escaped her teary eyes. "We asked him what was going through his head and told him how negligent he had been with his actions. He didn't talk much—as expected—however he laid out essential facts of how he felt like 'he's dying inside.' I just wish he would've spoken to me about it sooner. He chose to bottle it all in.

"Instead of putting him in rehab like most people do, Chris and I agreed that it would be best to send him here, to be around you again. You give him perspective, dear, but most of all, my son listens to you. He'll be assigned to scout as well as supervise the UK branch, and at the same time, he can try to see you to make amends. Even if you two don't get back together, you kids should remain friends. You darlings were inseparable and it's painful to see a long standing friendship fall apart.

"Sienna, I know this is asking a lot of you, but I'm asking you a favor—for the first time—to please help my son get better. I'm not sure if this will help, yet I feel that this all started with you. I have no doubt in my heart that you can help him get better if he saw you again. He always listens to you. He loves you."

I was speechless. Kyle coming and living here? Me helping him get better? That's a big responsibility! _How the heck will I handle that? I'm freaked out! So much for cleaning out my closet of emotional baggage!_ It was going to drive me mental.

"Marie, how do I even begin? That was a lot to take in. Has Kyle agreed to this? Does he know? When is he coming anyway?"

"He does and he's arriving tomorrow afternoon," she said calmly.

I stared at her in shock, her statement sinking in. _Holy fuck! Kyle will be here tomorrow? What the hell am I going to do? What about Blake?_ He'd either go ballistic or understand. Who knew which one, though?

This was all so frustrating. Marie was precious, and she's only ever been kind to me since I moved in with the Brown's. I couldn't let her down without putting up an effort.

"All right, I can try. I'm not making promises, but I'll try."

"Oh, Sienna, thank you! This means so much to Chris and me. Thank you! Kyle will be so happy!"

I don't know about making Kyle happy, but I'll be a friend. He certainly needed to redirect his goals. Deep down, I knew I couldn't see someone so dear to me spiral out of control, either. It was Kyle and he needed me—his best friend, not the lover—and I would be there for him.

Marie stood up and took something out of her purse. She sat next to me and handed me a key. "Here is the apartment key. He'll be staying in the company house in Hampstead. Here's the address and my phone number, just in case you need to call me. Never hesitate to call me, dear _._ I'm here for _you,_ too. I'm simply helping Kyle settle in the apartment and I will be leaving Sunday morning. I was hoping we could all grab lunch or dinner Saturday? Would that be okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine, Marie." _Maybe?_

"Thank you again, Sienna. I'll see you in a couple of days. Have a good night, dear." I nodded as she stood up to leave and then I guided her to the door in a daze.

After she left, I scurried to my room. My palm was holding Kyle's apartment key, a business card with Marie's information and the address of the apartment. I looked down and stared at it, blankly until someone knocked. I looked up as the door slightly opened.

"Can I come in?"

"Oh, Luce! Kyle is going to live in London for a while. They sent him here. They think I can help him get better." My voice was small, but obviously freaked out.

"Are you okay with that? Will you be able to help him without getting too attached?" Her blue eyes studied me as she tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"I don't know. We'll just have to wait and see, I guess."

She nodded and sat next to me on the bed. "I sort of heard the conversation. I was in the kitchen. I didn't mean to pry, but, love, Kyle needs your help. You just have to be the bigger person and set aside any ill feelings for him. This could be tough; although, you're the bravest woman I know and whatever happens, never think that you don't have anyone to speak to. I'm here for you, _always_." I gave her a hug and thanked her for all her support. She then got up to leave me with my daunting thoughts.

_It'll be fine_ , I tried convincing myself.

I was beyond exhausted as I made my way to the kitchen to make a sandwich for dinner.

I didn't want to think anymore. I'd think about my problems tomorrow.

When I went to bed, I slept like a log. I had no dreams, no interference.

# Chapter 18

I was contemplating what to wear for my date with Blake when I received a text message.

Kyle Matthews: _I'm here. I'll see you tomorrow._

I sighed. _Way to dampen my mood for my date tonight, Kyle!_

My heart was beating erratically against my chest. I had never been in this position—where I had to deal with an ex while starting to see someone new. This was all so new to me and it was driving me insane. _Should I tell Blake? I really should._ Sooner or later Lucy might mention it to both of the guys and I'd be grilled for information. I knew back in the day they were all curious about him and knowing how Lucy was, she'd probably invite him over for dinner to bond with the guys. I cringed at the thought. _God, please, no_. That would be an epic disaster. Blake and Kyle in the same room would be chaos.

Browsing through my closet, I chose an embroidered, black lace, short cocktail dress and paired that with my classic red Prada, gladiator platform heels. I artfully pinned my hair up and minimized my eye shadow. I was heavy on mascara and my engine-red lipstick. Spritzing my favorite perfume, my phone buzzed as if on cue. It was Blake letting me know that he was downstairs waiting for me. Grabbing my purse, I headed downstairs to meet him.

Coming out of the elevator, I could see Blake leaning lazily against his Aston Martin in a sharp, black suit against a white dress shirt. He looked dashing, sexy and still blindingly sinful. I felt lightheaded all of a sudden. I came out of the building as I heard him whistle loudly, clearly praising my look.

_Boy, how I've missed him_. I had forgotten how he made my heart pitter-patter like crazy. I was breathless. I went over to him as he pulled my hand and twirled me around with full appraisal.

I smiled like an idiot. "Like it?"

"Like it? I love it, poppet! You look ravishing! That dress certainly had you in mind," Blake said against my lips before he kissed me tenderly. I simply melted. A good whiff of his scent had my body into a lustful frenzy. _Relax, stupid body!_

"I've missed you, my sweet."

"Missed you, too, Blake." I gazed back, my emotions all over the place. I felt so much for him. Things I couldn't explain. I swallowed hard.

"Come on, I don't want us to be late for our reservation."

Blake took me to OXO Tower Restaurant and Brasserie on South Bank that overlooked the River Thames. It was al fresco during the summer time and I relished the warm atmosphere around me. I had never been there before and the view was beautiful, even more so since I was sitting directly across from it.

I grinned at him.

He smiled back, eyes glittering in the night. "What do you want to drink? Champagne?"

"I think I'll have a watermelon martini tonight."

"I'll order us a bottle of red as well," Blake concluded as he browsed through the menu. He did love his red wines.

Our waiter came and took our order. I let Blake decide what to order for my entrée and he happily obliged. With our drinks in hand, I sipped an ample amount of my martini, closed my eyes and savored the taste. Hell, it was glorious. The decadent drink had just the right amount of vodka, zest and freshly squashed watermelon juice. Delicious!

"Do you always close your eyes when you revel in something you like—food, alcohol, _sex perhaps?_ " Blake murmured in a low, husky voice. It was his 'fuck me' voice. _Gah! Why are my nipples hardening?_

My eyes quickly snapped open. Blake was relaxed against his chair with his hand on the stem of his wine glass, his dynamic eyes burning into me. _Damn it, those eyes will be the death of me. I swear it!_

_Does he know how fascinating he looks? How every single thing he does makes him even more desirable? Does he notice the other women staring at him longingly? Because I fucking do and I don't like it one bit; especially when we're out on a date. Will I ever manage to get used to his dark beauty? I wish._

Clearing my throat, I murmured, "Yes, savoring them makes you appreciate all the good things in life." The coy smile I gave him made him smolder.

"Yes, I definitely agree. How was your week? How was school? Any news?" _Tricky, those questions_ , I thought as I weighed my options.

I swallowed slowly. _Any news?_ That seemed a little loaded. "School's good. I like my classes this semester. News? Let see—I'll be modeling for Chad. He's going to have a show in a couple of months."

"Model? _How?_ " He looked perplexed.

_Okay... I know I'm not model material like the ones he's used to, but at least have the decency to look pleased._

"His theme is Sensual Grunge. He's hell-bent on having me be his model. Go ask him." My voice small and a little hurt because his reaction had definitely wounded my pride.

" _Sensual Grunge?_ " the blasted man reiterated.

"Yeah, whatever," I said, shrugging off his annoying attitude.

Blake became quiet, and after a few minutes, his mouth was still shut. _Damn him!_ He always did this and it was incredibly uncomfortable. So, instead of glaring at his form, I opted to look about, glancing around at the people milling around with friends, laughing and drinking. Some chatted happily whilst eating their dinner. Everyone seemed to be having a great time except for our table. Biting my lip, I contemplated my news about Kyle. Since he was already in a gloomy state, I thought I might as well drop the bomb.

"Since we're on the subject of news, I just learned yesterday that Kyle's temporarily moving here for work." I took a long sip of my martini.

"Kyle? Matthews? He's here?" His reaction was disbelieving. _Yep, my ex is definitely here in London town._

"Yes, Kyle is here. He just flew in today."

"Bollocks! I can't believe this! This night keeps getting better and better!" Blake said as he raked his hand through his hair. I didn't get the chance to respond, though, because the waiter laid our food out on the table.

Blake seemed eager to ignore me after that and so I let him. His brows furrowed as he worked on his meal. _What was he thinking?_ He looked like he was working something out, but wouldn't voice anything to me. It was so frustrating!

I had a hard time not choking on my meal. His forbidding attitude didn't put me at ease and when the waiter came to clear our dishes and offer dessert, he immediately declined, stating clearly that we were in a hurry.

My stomach dropped.

He hurriedly paid the bill and led us both to the elevator, barely touching my back as he ushered me in. When we got out of the building, instead of walking towards the car, he surprised me and suggested that we walk for a while. He seemed so distant and I couldn't seem to reach him while we walked.

When we stumbled upon a garden, I sat on the concrete bench, waiting for him to say something, anything. The silent treatment was killing me.

"Blake?"

His faced away from me, looking over the clearing that led to the river. The garden was dimly lit, however it wasn't dark enough to hide Blake's stony face. When he finally turned around and faced me, hands in his pockets, his face was completely passive.

What was going on with him?

"Are you going back to him?" he asked, but it sounded like an accusation.

"What? No! I never said I was! I mentioned it because you had to know, even though I'm not going back to him. I can't freely date you at the moment. He'll go ballistic if he finds out. I guess all I'm asking is if you could understand where I'm coming from? Kyle's been through a lot lately and he needs my help. His parents seem to think I'm the only one that can pull him out of this rut. They think I can help him somehow... heal, I mean."

" _Heal him_ , Sienna? That's a load of rubbish!" He cursed loudly as he kicked a stone next to his foot. Blake turned his back on me again and sat on his heels, both hands gripping his hair.

I pressed my lips together, knowing I was asking a lot of him, but I had to help Kyle. He didn't have anyone else. I owed Kyle this; at least, no matter what he had done for me we were friends for much too long to turn my back on him.

I stared at the man before me who looked conflicted and I honestly didn't blame him. I would have been, too, if our situations were reversed.

I picked at my nails, antsy and nervous when he got up and turned around to face me again. "Sienna, as I badly want you, I can't fall back and watch on the sidelines as you spend time with him. I can't fathom the fact that you'll be spending time with him, especially after what he put you through! However it's your decision and I fully accept that. He's obviously still significant to you and I understand that, as well. You still love him and that's something I can't compete with. I have to give you up, make things easier for us both.

"We'll still be friends, never doubt that. I'll always be here for you, but what transpired between us this past week is something we should bury and move past." _No! How can he say such things?_ I wanted to argue, but his eyes were grim and his lips pressed into a thin line, showing me how serious he was.

My eyes were brimming with tears as I watched him speak. He looked fine, although his voice was something else entirely. He sounded hollow and empty. I knew, deep down, even if I begged him to change his mind, he wouldn't. He had already made up his mind about Kyle and me.

_The big question is, how am I going to move on with life after Blake? Yes, he's still planning to be my friend and we could mend things, bring them back to as they were before, yet how will I forget how Blake's kisses make me feel? How will I bury these memories I have of him?_ I felt tormented with emotions and I had a hard time speaking.

"Are you sure you want to give up whatever it was between us, Blake?" I pleaded, my voice a mere whisper.

"It's not easy for me to say this, Sienna. You know that. " _Do I really know it? I'm not so sure I do._

I nodded, not wanting to argue his moot point. I unceremoniously got up and walked towards his parked car. There was no point in staying longer in the park, pondering ways to convince Blake to change his mind. It was a done deal in his head. He'd probably concocted this while he had sipped wine and concentrated on his dinner.

The ride back home was silent. He didn't even bother to turn on any music. _What a great night this turned out to be_ , I thought bleakly. How I wished things were different, but Blake was obviously willing to just walk away—without much ado—so I would do the same and not dwell on it. Apparently, it didn't mean that much to him so I guess it was time to let bygones be bygones.

He parked outside my building without even bothering to look at me. I stared at him for a bit, waiting for him to say goodnight, but he didn't budge. I hesitantly leaned over toward him, gave him a peck on the cheek and hurriedly left the car. The tension was stifling and I needed to get out of there before I broke down.

The apartment was dark and silent. Lucy usually stayed with Toby during weekends and I welcomed the eerie silence. Not bothering to turn on the lights, the moonlight barely slithered through the windows as I made my way to the kitchen and helped myself to a huge glass of wine.

_I'm not going to cry,_ I willed myself. It was stupid and we had barely started anything; it was too new for it to be significant.

I went to my bedroom and slowly took my shoes and dress off. I took the pins out of my hair, letting it cascade down my naked back. Wearing only my thong, I went to turn on my music and played "Ain't No Sunshine" by Eva Cassidy. Placing it on repeat, I crawled into bed, curled up, alone with my heavy heart and my disgruntled thoughts.

I never did cry.

That night, I dreamt of silks, candles and a pool full of rose petals.

# Chapter 19

Morning couldn't come soon enough as I stretched lazily on my bed. I reached for my phone and checked for the time; it was ten in the morning. I sighed. I would be meeting Kyle and Marie later today.

_How exhausting is this?_ It drained my soul until I was insipid and lifeless.

I wish I could have danced with Chad today, but Saturdays were usually busy for him at the studio and I couldn't cut it close to dinnertime. I needed enough time to get ready. So I settled for some stretching and a twenty-minute Pilate's session in my living room.

Blake never texted or called last night; it was just as well. He was serious about his decision and I had to let it go. All I had to do now was gather up my courage and my armor for when the time came that Blake decided to bring a date when he was hanging out with us. I flinched inwardly at the thought of those strong hands on another woman. It had never bothered me before, yet since things did happen between us; it was going to be difficult to revert to the old ways. I knew how those hands felt, how great they could make me feel. Alas, it was over and I simply had to move past it.

I did some laundry, dusted and cleaned the apartment. Before I knew it, it was five in the afternoon. I had received a text from Kyle earlier stating where and what time we'd meet. I still had an hour and a half to get ready before I needed to meet them.

I decided to run a bath and soak for fifteen minutes or so before I started getting ready. Browsing through my closet, I decided on another black dress, strapless, short and fitted with an A-line skirt paired with black stiletto heels. I kept my long hair down, reaching a few inches above my butt. Pearl studs finished my look perfectly. Aiming for the classy look couldn't be accomplished properly without pearls, or so they said.

Hailing a black cab on a Saturday night could be very difficult; however, I was fortunate enough that I didn't have to wait long on the pavement. The traffic was terrible, but I was lucky to arrive a few minutes past seven at The Dorchester Hotel in Park Lane. Marie loved French cuisine and I was meeting them in one of the five-star restaurants inside.

Entering the hotel's foyer, it was hard not to miss Kyle. He was standing idly in the corner. His face lit up when he saw me as I passed the glass doors. He was wearing black from head to toe; black dress shirt, jeans and dress shoes.

He immediately sauntered towards me. "Sienna."

"Hello, Kyle." I greeted him as he gave me a light hug, pulled back and inspected me quite thoroughly. His eyes even glinted.

He looked like he had lost a lot of weight since I had last seen him. He had dark rings under his eyes and his skin looked paler. He continued to look handsome, but his usual luster was missing. I felt a jab of guilt looking at him. Deep down, I knew it wasn't my fault that he was having such a rough time; he did it to himself and he should have known better, although the fact that somehow I was a major factor to his spiraling downfall, made it quite difficult for me not to feel some remorse.

"Mom's already seated inside. I just wanted to wait and meet you out here. You know, merely making sure you were coming." _He doubted it?_ I would've thought Kyle would know I could hardly say no to his mother.

"I said I was. I wasn't planning on canceling at the last minute." He nodded and led the way to where his mother was located.

Marie looked beautiful in her usual Oscar de la Renta suit in light pink as she greeted me warmly and sat next to Kyle. I sat across the table and Marie immediately took the uneasiness of the situation away. She never once discussed Kyle's problems; instead she directed the conversation towards her charity work and other subjects that she deemed safe throughout the entire meal.

Sipping the excellent red wine, I was a little guarded when Marie's questions turned to an inquisition of my time in England; in her gentle manner, of course. "So dear, tell me about your life here? Is it what you dreamed it to be?"

Smiling, I relented, "I really love it here. I've made my own friends and I'm very comfortable now. School's great, actually! I'm loving where my professor is going with our Art History class. So, I guess I'm happy, if that's what you wanted to know." I took another huge sip of my wine and glanced at Kyle. He seemed a little aloof and engrossed in his phone messages.

"Anyone special, dear?" Marie lightly inquired. Even in her gentle voice, I knew she was dying to know this. Kyle even managed to pause his tapping on his phone, though he never looked up. I could tell he was waiting for my answer as well.

Mother and son, working together. _Great, this is just what I need. Since I'm not seeing Blake that way anymore, I guess there's nothing to tell them._ Shaking my head, I answered, "No, no one at the moment."

"That's excellent!" Marie exclaimed with a huge smile.

_Excellent?_ Yeah, right.

Marie suddenly stood up and announced that she was off to bed. Her flight was early tomorrow morning and she needed all the rest she could get. She thanked me and kissed me goodnight before doing the same with Kyle.

_Now, it's just us, even better._

I fished for my phone and saw that Luce had texted me.

Luce: _Going out dancing tonight! Want to join us in Mahiki? Toby wants to take his friend from work. Say you'll come!_

Oh, definitely!

Me: _Yep! Meet you there in an hour or so!_

I immediately invited Chad to meet us as well, if he didn't have plans already. However, knowing him, he'd probably drag his date to come party with us.

"What's making you smile like that?" I looked up and clashed with his golden-hazel eyes. I hadn't realized he was done texting his friends and giving me all his attention.

_Brooke perhaps?_

"My flat mate, Luce, just texted me to see if I wanted to go clubbing with them." Putting my phone down next to my glass, I took another copious sip.

"Going to join your friends?" Kyle inquired.

"Quite possibly, yes."

"Can I invite myself as well... If you go?" He picked up my phone and toyed with it. He was acting like the old Kyle I'd known. I was relieved that he was still there, somewhere.

"Shouldn't you be resting? You just barely got here. Besides, after the crap that you pulled with your binge drinking and drugs, going out to party should be the least of your worries, no?" I enlightened him, quirking up a brow with my question. I was furious that he placed himself in harm's way. He could've easily overdosed and died. _What the heck was he thinking?_

"I'm off that, Sienna. It was a deal I had with my parents. I know it's stupid, but I needed to numb the pain I was feeling. I didn't want to deal with it. I took the coward's way out, but now I'm here and I can see you again; not somewhere far away from you. I'm not going to rebel and act out." Handing my phone back to me, he informed me, "You have a message."

It was from Chad saying he'd be on his way soon and he couldn't wait to see the gang.

Chad started hanging out with us the moment Luce and I became friends as well. I was glad that everybody got on, even Toby and Blake liked him. The guys didn't seem to mind that Chad was gay and I adored them for it.

"You're not really seeing anyone, baby?" Kyle finally managed to ask the stupid question I knew he was dying to ask. _Why does he keep studying me? Can't he look away, just for a second? It's making me nervous._

"I'm not yours to call baby, not anymore." I shot him a hateful glare.

"We'll see, baby."

Huh! _Confident, aren't we?_ If he thought I was just going to fall back and be with him again, after he cheated, because he was here in London, he could think again!

_The big question is, should I invite him to go to Mahiki and meet my friends? He's eager to go, but what if Blake's there? Nah, he's busy with that Marbella project, remember? Hopefully, Lucy and Chad won't be bothered by Kyle? They might not like him; however, I know they won't be hostile, either._

Draining the rest of my wine, I glanced at Kyle. His eyes were staring at my boobs. I rolled my eyes. I knew the tight dress emphasized my small waist, but it pushed my breasts up—and they looked insanely good. I suppose that's why I'd chosen it. I'd wanted to rub what he'd thrown away in his face. Kyle's a boob man and he loves those suckers. Too bad he wouldn't be doing much with them other than staring at them longingly. I ignored his blatant mishap of calling me 'baby' after I'd rebuked him about it.

"Still want to come and meet my friends?" I double-checked. This was a big deal for me, although I didn't show it. This was going to be the first time my London friends would meet him. It was a major deal.

"I definitely do." Kyle nodded, responding with certainty.

"'Kay, I'm going to refresh my make-up. Lobby in five minutes?" He nodded as I walked away from our table.

# Chapter 20

I was thankful when the cab finally stopped outside the club. The silence in the cab had been deafening. _Awkward much? Why is he acting so weird, anyhow?_

As instructed by Luce, all I had to do was mention Toby Watson to get in right away. I was sure Toby had made reservations before coming here. Count on him to always be prepared. When it came to his ladylove, he didn't think twice about giving her anything.

Have you seen those couples that were toothache-inducing, sickly sweet to each other? _Yep, that was them._ They look like they're made for each other; therefore people tend to forgive them for that.

Brushing past the bouncers, I scoured the booths to look for my friends. I was quite nervous because I hadn't mentioned bringing Kyle. I merely hoped that they would all get along so it wouldn't be completely difficult. Kyle didn't have many friends here, so he was most likely going to follow me about. _God, I hope not_. _He'll find friends soon enough,_ I convinced myself.

The music was thumping and blaring loudly. The place was starting to get packed as more alcohol-induced bodies swayed to the beat on the dance floor. A Polynesian theme was throughout the entire club. It was done tastefully with a touch of contemporary design. This place was known for their exotic cocktails and mixers that came with a fire exhibition. It was quite riveting and the crowd went rampant with awed fascination.

Kyle's hand found my waist as he pulled me in and whispered into my ear, "I think I found your friends. They're all staring, just to give you a heads up."

I quickly turned to my right, away from the fire exhibition, and found their table was actually on the far right, away from the commotion. Kyle was right; they were all staring. I didn't get to check out everyone at the table because I looked down, a little embarrassed as I made my way towards them.

"Sienna Richards, glad of you to grace us with your sexy self," Chad drawled in his flamboyant New York accent. "And you must be?" The question was aimed to Kyle. I totally forgot to mention his move here to Chad. He was going to devour the drama. He lived for these things.

"I'm Kyle, Sienna's friend from LA," Kyle introduced himself to both Chad and Luce then flashed them both his seductive smile. Even tired, he could still manage to look handsome. Kyle had always been handsome in a lean, muscled, surfer, rugged kind of way. His dark hair and his hazel-golden eyes amplified his good looks.

" _The_ Kyle?"

"Yes, Chad! Now drop it, please." My eyes glared at him full-on, begging him to stop, but it seemed he didn't get the damn message. Was he drunk already?

"My, my! Don't you two look like the perfect couple! Don't you think, Luce? Toby? Sam? _Blake_?" The moment Chad said _Blake_ , my eyes shot behind Chad and looked over the booth. Sure enough, the prince of brooding was sitting conveniently behind Chad, blocked from my view earlier.

_Oh, fuck._

Blake looked composed and impassive, as though it didn't bother him. When our eyes met, he simply nodded to acknowledge me and returned to chat with another man I had never met before. _Ouch_. I hadn't seen it coming. He had moved on. Blake's reaction, or what little of it he'd shown, proved to me how over me he was. The dull ache in my chest wouldn't subside, so I ignored it and pretended I was perfectly happy.

Luce introduced Kyle to the rest of the guys and the stranger named Sam. They all seemed nonchalant. Toby and Blake, even less thrilled. I understood the reaction from Blake, _but Toby?_

Kyle's phone flashed and he texted quickly as he pulled on my waist a little too possessively— _directly in Blake's line of sight_ —and told me that he needed to make a phone call outside. He quickly kissed my cheek before retreating into the crowd and out the exit door.

My eyes landed on Blake's. From the murderous look he gave me, I didn't have to guess if he'd seen the exchange. His nostrils flared, his jaw muscles tightened and his beautiful eyes screamed bloody murder. Unable to stand the burning heat of his stare, I turned around quickly.

Luce handed me a blue colored drink and Chad pulled my hand, cornering me on the mirrored wall. "You better start explaining yourself, baby love, before I start hyperventilating. Aren't you dating sexy Blake?" Chad rattled on, his ebony eyes curious.

"Blake decided it was best to end it last night when he found out that Kyle's parents had agreed that I'm the medicine for his sobriety—hence the attendance of the one and only—I wasn't expecting Blake here. He's supposed to be busy with a project."

"Goodness! This is awesome drama! I _love_ it! It must be wretched to be you right now, huh? How are you holding up?" As quickly as his eyes lit up to the prospect of fireworks, it immediately vanished when he realized how rotten it was for me.

"Yeah, it's fucking dreadful! But, please, let's not talk about it; not tonight. I want to have fun! Is that okay with you, mister?" I gave him a quick hug and kiss on his glossed puckers.

I sat next to Toby and he immediately gave me a tight hug. "Ex-boyfriend coming after you it seems?" I shrugged, not wanting to reply. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me. It's not that I don't trust him, but I want you safe is all." He kissed my forehead and got up to join Lucy on the dance floor. They looked so happy together that it made me feel worse.

Taking a sip from my blue sweetened vodka concoction, I noticed Blake toying with his glass of whiskey; possibly contemplating if he should talk to me or not.

"Not busy with the Marbella project tonight?" I asked, leaning a little closer to him.

"Back with him _that_ quickly?" Blake's sarcasm was palpable. Didn't I explain the situation last night?

"No, I am not."

I looked around and scouted for someone to rescue me, however it seemed everyone had dispersed to the dance floor. Picking up on my nervous state, Blake leaned close, _so close_ that I could smell him. My stomach nose-dived as I closed my eyes and breathed him in.

_Damn you_ , I silently cursed.

"You look bewitching, my Sienna. I seem to recall how well your body responded to me and I'm getting hard thinking about those lips of yours." His gaze went south, gritting his teeth. "Your boobs are indecent. Did you do that purposely to torment and torture me?" _My, God! I love it when he talks dirty_. His cool and composed façade slipped off and another man surfaced.

"If you are tortured and tormented, you have yourself to thank," I managed to whisper as I looked him straight in the eye.

"Seeing how cozy you two are made me think twice about my decision. Do you know how it makes me feel seeing you together?" Even with the loud thump of music his voice was clear and grating on my delicate ear.

"I didn't know you'd be here. If I had known, I wouldn't have come."

Blake abruptly pulled away from my ear and looked over to my side as Kyle came into view. He didn't seem to notice the tension between us or he was doing a good job at pretending not to see it.

Releasing a sigh, I turned to Kyle. "How did your call go?"

"It's good." He gave me a sideways glance and his usual flirty smile. When I stood up, he held out his hand. "Dance with me, baby."

"I don't think that's a good idea. How about we just stay here, hmmm?"

"Come on, baby! We used to have fun dancing! Please? Just this once?" He was still holding out his hand and smiled like an idiot as I took it.

"Fine."

"I'll be right back," I addressed Blake, but he just stared at me, infuriated.

"By all means, dance your socks off," he bitingly responded.

_That I will, just you wait._

Joining the crowded floor with people bumping and grinding, Kyle took the opportunity to pull me close to his chest. Our eyes immediately locked and out of the blue he yelled, "I love you."

My mouth opened and closed again. I rotated myself and placed his hands on my waist while we continued to dance, which relieved me from having to talk to him. He seemed to love having his hands on me. His grip was getting tighter as he ground himself a little too close for comfort on my ass.

How did one balance an ex and a "possible" new man in her life? It was Kyle's first day here and I was having a hard time already. I hated what he'd done, and at the same time, I wanted to help him, however it was evident that he wanted more than that. With Blake, though, where did I even begin? He was incredibly baffling. Holding our rhythm, I was starting to have fun dancing with Kyle. We both relaxed and started to enjoy each other. When the music ended, I expected us to dance more, but Kyle led me to the entrance door.

Outside on the pavement, he asked me to take a short walk. and I obliged.

# Chapter 21

"I'll give you a few minutes and then I'll go back inside. I don't want my friends to worry," I said to Kyle and he simply nodded in agreement.

When he stopped walking, he leaned on a building, closed his eyes and then spoke softly, "When my parents pitched the idea of me coming here, I was happy and scared. I was scared because you might not love me the way I love you; well, not anymore. I was cruel and I can't forgive myself for what I've done to you. If we turn out to be friends like how it was before we started dating, I'll take that in a heartbeat. I'm really thankful that you're even giving me time, but it was hardly a surprise."

Opening his hazel eyes, they were miserable and anguished. "You have such a good heart, Sienna. You're smart, beautiful and brave. When Christy started beating you, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't dare hurt you, but I did. I broke that promise. You trusted me. You loved me. How could I betray someone I love so much? I was so consumed with anger and hurt that I forgot to think about how I was hurting you. I'm sorry." Kyle started to massage his temples while sadness racked my body.

I walked over and hugged him tight. The mention of Christy Brown's name sent shivers all over my body; that woman was horrid. "I know you are. That's why I can't stay mad at you for long. What you did was painful and I'm hurt. I just wish that you could've told me about what you were going through. Instead, you looked for a replacement to forget about me. That hurt."

"And look how successful that turned out, Sienna. The moment I saw you again, I was a goner. I was invaded by the thought of you. It's always been you, Sienna; no matter how much I try. My heart belonged and will always belong to you," he professed, a little breathlessly.

I looked down and studied my toes. _Why is it painful when he tells me he loves me?_ I love Kyle, I do and I guess I'll always love him, but a big part of me wanted Blake. No point in denying myself anymore. I had always been attracted to him and I couldn't pass this chance up or I might regret it for the rest of my life. _Fuck, baby steps._ I wanted him and that's that.

What I felt for him was complex, but as fascinating as he was, I was not going to let anyone trample on my heart. That's one thing I wouldn't compromise. Once was humiliating enough.

"Kyle, I'm sorry. _I really am_ , but right now, I'm not in a place where I would want to be in a relationship. There is too much between you and me. I need to step back and think about what _I_ want. All my life, I was attached to your hip. I lived and breathed you; I loved you with all of my heart, however you must understand that things changed. It's different now." I looked at the man I used to love with unshed tears.

His thumbs started to wipe the sides of my eyes. "Don't cry, baby. I feel like a total bastard right now. _Please_ , don't cry." Kyle hugged me tightly. My head was on his torso as he tried to calm me down. He gently stroked my hair and kissed my cheek.

Pushing myself off his body, I folded my arms as I waited for him. "Let's go inside. We've been out for a while now."

He pulled me close to him and draped his arm around me as we headed to the club's entrance where he immediately stopped. "Go be with your friends, I'm going back to the apartment. I was pooped before we came here, but I wanted to spend more time with you. Now, I'm ready to crash."

"All right, it was good to see you again. Be safe."

Kissing my lips gently, much to my surprise, he bade goodnight. "I'll be in touch, baby. I love you." With that, he headed to where several cabs were waiting on the curb.

I waited until he got in a cab before I let myself past the bouncers who were listening intently to our exchange. I smiled, understanding how boring it must be to stand there all night. "Can't say I blame him, love. I would want to spend all of my time with you," one of the tall, bulky men said as I walked past.

_Men_ , I thought amusingly.

My mood took a sour turn when I saw a tall blonde sitting on Blake's lap. _Here's a reality check._ Moments ago, I had been thinking of being with him and now his hands were on that woman's waist as he fed her olives. Barf.

My blood was boiling and I wanted to throw something at them.

"Turn around," Chad whispered behind my back.

"The old Blake lashed out when he saw how you danced with your old lover. She's an old friend of his who just happened to be here with her own party, but as you can see, they're quite engrossed with each other. Don't mind him; I'm sure he's gutted inside. This is his way of coping." Chad looked sorry as he squeezed my shoulder. I didn't even respond to that because I didn't expect it, but why shouldn't I have? _It's fucking Blake we're talking about!_ Here was a side of him that I had never gotten to see before.

I was beyond angry; however, Hell would freeze over before I let him see how hurt I was. "He just glanced here—don't look back!"

_Ugh. I can't do this. This is beyond pathetic. I am beyond pathetic!_

"Take me to the dance floor, lover." I nervously smiled at my friend, offering my hand to him.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Chad's a blast on the floor and, before I knew it, Luce, Toby and Sam had joined the commotion. Chad grabbed another man's attention, so he was dancing somewhere amidst the throng of people. Luce and Toby were dancing and laughing with each other. So, that left me with Sam who was giving me a kind smile. As we danced next to each other, he leaned in and asked, "Where's the boyfriend?"

I laughed. "No, no, he wasn't my boyfriend; an ex is more like it."

Smiling, he leaned in a bit more. "So, what do you do, Sienna? Apart from breaking hearts, that is?"

Ha! If he only knew!

"Well, I'm still in uni, but for the most part, my time is dedicated to breaking hearts here and there, lighting up drama whenever I can." I was laughing and fluffing him up with his own joke. He was certainly easy to converse with. He wasn't handsome, but his kind eyes and demeanor made him likable.

"Come on, love, let's get something to drink! I'm parched!" It was announced by the thirsty Lucy as she tried to catch her breath while she actively fanned herself with her hand.

"Let's!"

The scene at the booth hadn't changed much. The fucking woman still on his lap, but she was now openly caressing his neck and chest from the unbuttoned, midnight blue dress shirt that matched his eyes.

_They can go fuck themselves. I could care less._

Ignoring them, Sam poured us both champagne and I gladly took a huge gulp.

Arching her brow with curiosity, Lucy asked Sam and I, "What were you two discussing earlier? I've never heard Sienna laugh like that." Lucy leaned on the table as she eyed us with amusement.

"We were discussing her full-time job as a heartbreaker!"

"Yup! He was telling me how his heart was broken when I turned him down. He wanted a quick shagging in the bathroom, apparently." I even _tsk-tsked,_ loving the whole light-hearted banter. "Such a naughty boy you are, Sam!" I added to boot.

Everyone laughed and Luce almost choked on her champagne. Chad appeared out of nowhere, dripping with sweat and a huge smile like he had just won the lottery. "OMG! Did you see how hot that guy was? I must have died and gone to Heaven." He sat next to me and grabbed my champagne glass, emptying the contents.

"Excited much?" I studied my friend who had a sheen of perspiration glazed on his forehead and his face lit up like Christmas.

"I am. Oh, by the way, I meant to tell you, we're shooting on Thursday. So, you better make sure you bring your sexy-fucking-kitten look. You and Troy are going to be Hot! Hot! Hot!" Chad's excitement was bouncing off him.

"Wait, what? You model for him?" Sam looked interested and intrigued.

"Yeah, he's a photographer and he's awesome! He also sort of needs me to do a few stills for his upcoming show which is in—what? Seven weeks?" I squeaked, glancing back at Chad who was busying himself with another glass of champagne.

"Definitely, and Sam, you're invited," he finally managed to reply to Sam, winking at him. _Such a flirt, this Chad!_

"Wouldn't miss it. I want to see the 'sexy-fucking-kitten' look out of curiosity," Sam responded with ease.

I'm sure he did. What the hell did 'sexy-fucking-kitten' look like anyway? I cringed. I've never modeled before. Let alone have it shown in front of everyone and have it dissected for everyone's pleasure. It was mystifying, but I already promised Chad. I couldn't let him down.

"Oh! Don't mind him. I'm sure it's going to be nice and appropriate!"

"Honey, it's going to be far from nice and appropriate! I can see it now!" Chad closed his eyes as he pictured it in his mind. "You're going to be sexual and you'll have that 'fuck me' look. Troy will be doing the same, touching you sensually. It's going to be a feast for the eyes. Carnal and raw."

_Christ._ I needed a drink. "That Troy better bring it or I'm packing my bags."

"Trust me; he's hot! Though not as hot as you are, Blake!" Why did Chad like to bring Blake into our conversations randomly? Just because the freaking man was almost perfect, didn't mean he wasn't capable of being an insensitive prick! _Stupid playboy jerk_ , I thought haughtily.

Blake smiled at Chad's comment before he averted his gaze back to me. He studied me while the woman caressed him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

My eyes flickered to the girl. That stupid woman was seriously lapping it up. She was kissing his neck and toying with his hair. I smirked. _Yeah, keep massaging his ego you stupid flirt; it's already massive and unmanageable._

I looked away in disgust and anger from their display of foreplay.

Honestly, it was stupid. I didn't have the right to be angry.

I honestly didn't.

# Chapter 22

Luce and Toby wanted to go home, so we all decided it was best to leave together. It was two in the morning and I was ready to get some rest anyway.

"Want to split cabs? I'll have you dropped off first?" Chad asked.

"She's coming with me. There's something we have to discuss." I looked at Blake agape. What was he talking about? _No, we don't._

"Oh, boo you!" Chad pouted. "You lovers enjoy the night then." He smiled, showing off his perfect white teeth.

I rolled my eyes. S _eriously, Chad?_

Everyone shuffled to leave, saying quick goodbyes. I looked around expecting to see his "friend;" however, she was nowhere to be found.

"She's not here." _Of course, she isn't._ He probably just dropped her like a hot potato the moment he realized we were all leaving.

Typical.

"What do we have to talk about? I thought you were perfectly clear yesterday. There's no need to rehash it," I seethed, angry at his ever-changing attitude. _Is he bipolar? No, he isn't. He just likes brain-fucking. He's a pro at that._

"My flat is only a couple of blocks away. Walking it off would be a good idea, unless you don't agree?" He peered at me, hands in his pockets, his tone more serious.

"Walking is fine. I don't want to be confined next to you in a cab." I didn't mean to be snappy, yet it was irritating that he thought he could just bulldoze his way around. He hadn't even had the decency to ask if I wanted to go with him, he'd simply assumed that I would. _Well, I was curious and I would've gone anyway, but all he had to do was ask._

We didn't speak to each other. I would've bitten his head off with more snarky comments if he'd tried. He stopped outside his building and held the door for me. The man behind the desk looked up. "How do you do, Mr. Knightly?"

"Hello, Scott. This is Ms. Sienna Richards, one of my best friends."

I greeted Scott as we headed for the elevator. He still wasn't really my favorite person, even with the silence from us both the entire walk home. I was still angry and a little disconcerted by his coveting display with the biotch earlier.

_Are you sure you aren't just jealous? What if I am, so what? It doesn't change anything._

I was a bit miffed that he'd started this whole thing between us then immediately decided not to pursue it any longer. Now our friendship was hanging in the balance. _I can't stop thinking about his kisses, either. He's incorrigible._

Riding the confines of the elevator in utter silence, I couldn't help it when I flinched from the pain in the soles of my feet. Even if it had only been a couple of blocks of walking with three-inch heels, it had been murderous. I would have given anything to soak in a hot bath. I sighed loudly and he didn't even bother to turn around to ask if I was okay. _Douche._

Entering his apartment, Blake flipped a switch and the lights flickered, surrounding the place with a soft glow. It looked too intimate for my liking. _Maybe I should bail and just go home?_ My hands were fidgety. My palms were sweaty. _He better start talking before I collapse from a nervous breakdown._

I stood in the middle of the living room. Memories of the weekend that I'd spent here with him flashed through my mind. _Nostalgia can really dampen one's emotions_ , I thought with wry amusement.

Blake went straight to the bar, poured a glass of brandy and gulped the entire contents in one go. Why was he stalling?

I stared at him, hands on my hips, glaring. "Talk."

"Why are you acting this way, Sienna?" His passive tone rubbed me irritatingly. _The nerve! He's acting like a royal, stupid jerk!_

"How should I be acting Blake? With your little display of shenanigans tonight, why are you even _surprised?_ You're such an insensitive prick!"

He moved towards me and his scowl deepened. "Are you fucking serious? _I'm_ the insensitive one? Were you not the one who brought your ex and danced with him while... while I sat there and watched his hands _all over you_ , groping and fondling your body? Right. In. Front. Of. Me." I felt hot all over. His close proximity bothered me and I was having trouble being coherent. "It took every ounce of my power not to smash his face in. I did that. For you!" Blake's beautiful face contorted with fury. _He_ _even looks hot and sexy when he's angry._

_Damn it, Sienna. Get your head out of the gutter!_

"I didn't realize you were watching the whole time," I whispered slowly.

"Well, that's where you're wrong. I watched you like a hawk all night." His face was mere inches away.

_My heart's about to jump out of my body, I swear._

Snaking my tongue to wet my lips, I gazed up with a questioning look. "Why? You ended things—"

Raking his hand through his hair, he spoke, "I did and I meant it last night. That's why tonight was difficult. I was jealous and it obliterated me. Seeing you with him, it seriously caught me off guard. I was raving mad, gutted, and I wanted to return the favor by making you jealous." Cupping my cheek with his thumb, he went on, "I'm sorry for being such an arse. I want you; God, help me." His voice wavered. "I want you like no other. Give me another chance?" His eyes were sad and full of remorse as they sought my own.

_Damn that cute accent of his. It melts me like a complete moron._

"I'll be busy in Marbella for the next couple of months looking over the project. I'm hoping this will be enough time for you to consider me— _us_ —again?"

I was rendered speechless. _Think. Mind. Think._

Biting my lip, I found my voice. "Blake... yeah, I think that's enough time for us to weigh in on if we really do want this." Blake beamed happily at me.

_I think I've lost all the fight I have in me, all the reasoning my mind can come up with_. I wanted to live and feel alive.

"Thank you. You won't regret this, I promise." Blake kissed my forehead... my cheek...

The moment he kissed me, I was done for. There was no possibility of going back. _He's in my blood and I'm fevered. I want him._ He drove me with this tug of constant need. Everything about him, it pushed me into a frenzied state.

"Blake, just fucking kiss me already—"

The instant our lips touched, I was completely and utterly lost. Deepening the kiss, I let out a loud moan. Blake playfully bit my bottom lip and I nipped him back. He continued devouring my lips while I ran my hand through his luxurious hair and I trailed the other down to squeeze his erection. _I wanted him. All of him._

Blake growled and tore himself off my swollen lips. He swiftly picked me up and threw me over his shoulder; caveman style. I screamed and laughed loudly at his dominating display. "Put me down, you brute!"

He threw me roughly onto his bed. My eyes expanded as Blake crawled predatorily towards me. His eyes were absolutely savage. Kissing my legs, my thighs, my heaving chest, my neck and then locking his lips onto mine again. His kiss was punishing and I exalted from it. I wanted him just as much.

This consuming, driving need to simply _be_ with him was distracting.

"You're going to be punished for what you did tonight, my love," Blake harshly bit out. His hoarse tone loaded with promise, passion. My body reacted wildly to it as I became moist at the juncture of my thighs _._

My body tingled. "I'd love for you to do it rough—" I moaned to him. Blake moaned my name as he bit my neck, _hard_. I gasped from the pain and ecstasy it brought. My insides quivered with anticipation. I panted as his hand trailed smoothly up my leg.

When he teased the inside of my thighs, he promised, "Ask and you shall receive, milady."

Hands on my waist, he swiftly yanked me to the edge of the bed, demanding. "Turn around. Let me take off your dress. Leave your shoes on." He sat on the edge of the bed, scrutinizing my every move.

_Anything, just don't stop._ My mind was fogged, my lecherous body enslaved.

Shrugging off the dress, I let it drop to the floor. Stepping aside, I stood before him with underwear and shoes on. His eyes hooded as they gradually took in my half-naked body, caressing it with those beautiful eyes of his. "Come here." His voice was gruff, fervid.

I sauntered back to the man and halted right in front of him. Blake immediately fixated his attention on my breasts, cupping my heavy tits as he savored them. He bit, squeezed and pinched. My head fell back, moaning as illicit pleasure coursed through my body.

Leaving soft kisses as he trailed towards my navel then further south as I arched my back, reveling in the high he was giving me, wanting more. He pulled my flimsy underwear off and instantly cast them aside.

Blake parted my legs and made a rough, throaty groan. "Your cunt is dripping beautifully, my love. _You want me that bad?_ " Licking the moisture off with a swipe of his tongue, my body shook as I held onto his shoulder. "Tell me, how badly do you want it?" Blake's demanding tone made me stare at him, agape. He was looking at me, waiting.

I groaned with frustration. "I want you. I've always wanted you _._ " My confession was rewarded with his sinful smile. I looked at him through my half-lidded eyes as he nipped on the corner of my inner thigh. _Touch me,_ my mind screamed. "Show me, Blake. Want me, punish me; I don't care. I—"

I stopped begging as he plunged his tongue inside me. Moaning as he flickered on the nub and inserted a finger inside of me. My body was hot and humming beautifully from his ministrations. My eyes rolled to the back of my head when he inserted another finger. Pulling in and out of me, circling and hooking towards the spot that was critical for my orgasm. _Fuck. Me._ My body quaked and I panted his name loudly.

"Not yet," Blake muttered as he pulled his fingers out. Then he traced his wet digits on my lips and stuck them in my mouth. I sucked them, hard, stroking them with my tongue as if they were his cock. He moaned, eyes loving how wanton I looked before him. "How you drive me crazy, woman."

I pulled his belt and pants down followed by his boxers. I hungered for him, to taste him. _I want it all_. His swollen, enormous cock sprung free and my hand gripped it boldly, greedily. I stroked him slowly and replaced my hand with my tongue, twirling it up and down, wetting him slowly. I gazed at him as my mouth enveloped his length, gradually and precisely until it hit the back of my throat.

" _Jesus!_ " He rasped through gritted teeth, fascinated.

Still holding eye contact, I used my tongue and lips to stroke him with ardent speed. He grabbed my head, clutching my hair, pushing me down more. I did as he wished, giving him all I had until he couldn't take it anymore.

He pulled me up towards him and laid me gently on the bed. "I want you," Blake declared as I scratched his nipples with my nails. Growling, he went onto his knees as he parted my legs. He expertly massaged the nub of my mound while I grabbed his cock at the same time, stroking it, sliding it back and forth through my slick, wet folds.

_His cock feels fucking glorious!_ I was dying from pleasure, begging him to take me while he massaged my breast and lightly pinched my nipple. The head of his cock was teasing my entrance. I spread my legs wider, silently begging him to end my sweet, tortured misery.

I moaned his name. "Are you sure about this? I don't want you to regret it. I promised to wait. I want you to be sure," he panted while his engorged shaft teased my opening. I groaned; _this man is killing me._

"Blake—I want you—please—" I heaved as he inserted his engorged head gently inside of me. I completely stopped breathing. His head was filling me slowly, but his size was much bigger than what I was used to.

Nervous, I clenched my vagina muscles unintentionally. " _Jesus, baby_ —Fuck! Don't do that—you're impossibly tight. I might just explode—" His neck veins were showing, straining as he closed his eyes like he was restraining himself, savoring his own sweet agony.

" _Bloody fuck_... _you feel... so beautiful_." He inched himself a little bit deeper this time. He folded my legs and pinned them down with his hands, giving him fuller, deeper access. Thrusting his hips as his cock went deeper inside me. He was enormous and my insides were stretched to their capacity, raw, with no room left. I flinched from the pain. He halted as he sensed my discomfort, cock pulsing thickly inside me. "Are you okay? I can stop if you want." I shook my head, urging him on.

"No, no. Don't you dare stop!"

Blake started to move again. I placed a finger on my clit and massaged it. The gesture made me wetter, making it easier for him to glide his cock freely. I moaned as he picked up his thrusting speed, taking everything he could. His speed changed. Blake pounded and pummeled harder. "You like being fucked by me, Sienna?" he questioned as he placed my legs on his shoulder. The arch of my hips made it easier for him to access me with thrusting speed. I moaned his name, urging him to fuck me harder as my orgasm shattered through my body. It came in waves and my convulsing body quivered as he pounded a few more times. He yelled my name through gritted teeth as his own orgasm rocked him, spilling his cum inside me. I clenched and squeezed my muscles, milking him to the very last drop.

We both continued to pant heavily as he pulled himself up on his elbows and looked at me with a huge grin. "That was out of this world, my Sienna." Blake kissed me softly. "Now that I know what it's like with you, I'm never letting you go, _ever_." He kissed me harder this time, full of promise.

Rolling to our sides, Blake gathered me towards him. "Sorry I came inside you... I couldn't help it. Are you on the pill?"

I nodded and smiled at him. "Why?"

"So, I can have you anytime tonight. I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. I wish I could stay here with you all weekend in bed." I nuzzled his neck as he hugged me closer. Skimming my arm gently, he spoke, "What made you change your mind tonight? I thought you wanted to wait on sex?"

I stiffened from his question, but he had the right to know. "I've always wanted you. From the moment I saw you, I knew I was in trouble. I realized what was at stake—when you walked away from me—" I swallowed. "Regrets can be damning to one's soul. The 'what if' scenario would haunt me forever if I didn't give you a chance to see where this is going to lead." Sitting up, fidgeting on the blanket that I held dearly to my chest, I went on, "I have issues, Blake, with trust and being vulnerable. When Dad died, everything I knew and loved was taken away from me. My home was sold, my friends vanished, love and security was gone... my dad's sister took me in. They didn't appreciate my interruption in their lives. Her husband and daughter both resented my presence in their home."

My voice shook, but I had to keep going. "I was taunted, threatened, beaten up and tortured by all of them. If I was late waking up for school, they would douse me with a bucket of water. When I didn't finish my meal, I was beaten with a shotgun cleaner. If I did something that infuriated them, they made me kneel for six to eight hours on a pebbled floor, sometimes more, only in my undergarments. I got my hair pulled. I was dragged and slapped in whatever way you could imagine." I heaved a heavy sigh. "Never once did I fight back. I was helpless and I was at their mercy. I was seven; it was either live with them or go to social services."

"Didn't any of your teachers know about this? Didn't they notice your bruises?" His voice wavered as he spoke.

"Not in the beginning, but after this one incident, I had a lot of cuts on my legs from the metal shotgun cleaner they'd used. I was bruised badly and the cuts were deep, so the blood gushed profusely. I only had band-aids to cover them, but they weren't big enough. The blood oozed off my legs and stained my socks. That's when the teachers noticed. My aunt and uncle were called in to school, but they negotiated with them, I guess. They had power and money after all. None of the teachers or the principal ever bothered to mention it again."

"When did they stop?"

"Two years ago, when I started dating Kyle and he threatened to report them, but I stopped him. It's not that I don't want to see them pay for what they've done to me, but life has a way of catching up to us and I don't want to live with so much hate in me. Hate ruins people and I didn't want to lose perspective of what I want my life to be like.

"I've forgiven them, but forgetting is another matter. I still get nightmares from time to time, but I won't let them win. I just won't. I'm stronger than that."

Blake hugged me from behind as he whispered softly, "I'm so sorry. I knew you were hiding something, but never once did it occur to me that you were an abuse victim. People who do that to helpless children are sick, twisted human beings. I feel wretched. I want to ease your pain, but I don't know how." His heart was beating erratically on my back. I could tell from his breathing that he was angry. It was a ragged sound.

"Just be here. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's in the past; let's leave it there." I twisted my head to study his face. Leaning in, I kissed him with all the emotions that were rolling off me.

There were only a few people who know about my past—Kyle, Chad and Lucy. Sharing this part of me with Blake was huge, however I needed him to understand when the time came that I may, most likely, fall short of his expectations. Trust was important and I trusted him as my friend, but as boyfriend or lover, we were still working on that. I may not have offered my heart, yet I could offer him everything else.

"Just promise me one thing," I said against his lips.

"I'll give you anything, poppet."

"No matter what happens, be honest. Promise me that, Blake?"

With his thumb on my chin, he lifted it until my eyes met his silver, midnight blue eyes. All sorts of emotions went through those depths and I was left dumbstruck. The gold flecks stood out and the effect was utterly spellbinding. This gorgeous, enigmatic man had irrevocably ensnared me. "I promise that I will always be honest and never lie to you. From now on, I will protect you as my own. You're mine now; no harm will come to you."

My entire body swelled from his protective and possessive nature. He was a Knightly; it came with the territory, I suppose.

Resting my head on the expanse of his chest, I pondered our conversation. "I had a wonderful childhood," he spoke softly. "My parents were so in love with each other and they both never failed to tell me or show me how much I was loved. When I saw how other parents treated their children, I felt blessed that mine were wonderful. When they died, I was angry because they left me, but at the same time, I was grateful that they were taken together. I don't know how one would have survived without the other.

"Grandfather taught me to have a backbone. To be strong and master my emotions. He once said that once your emotions get the best of you, your rational and logical thoughts erode. A man could be easily conquered, easily defeated, and the valuable idea of focus would evaporate.

"He wasn't easy to live with at first and I rebelled. I was angry at everyone, but I hadn't realized that he was hurting as well. He lost his son, and we were both grieving. We reached a compromise and his constant encouragement along with the reminder of my parents held me in check. For that, I am grateful that he never gave up on me. Grandfather's the only one I have left. I swore to myself that I would never disappointment him."

He paused and stoked my hair. "Sienna, I've never done this before."

I looked up. "What? Having someone on your bed?"

He smiled and pinched my cheek. "No, you beautiful wench; a proper relationship. What I had was a mutual agreement between two consenting adults, exclusive sex with no strings attached. But this, this is different. I need you to be patient; this is all new to me. I'll make mistakes, I assure you; don't condemn me without talking to me first. It's all I ask."

"Thank you for telling me, Blake. You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that. I promise, I'll be patient with you."

He left loud, smacking kisses all over my face as I giggled like a little girl who got her wish from Santa. "I can die happy now; I've waited so long. Now, here you are—" kissing my neck and my earlobe "—driving me mad with hunger. You're this burning need in my blood, Sienna, and I'm ravenous." Rolling me on my back, he quickly demolished my lips.

The only thing that was running through my mind was, _mine, he's mine,_ as he annihilated my body with voracious greed, quenching his thirst.

His touch was rough and raw, yet the thrill of having him again consumed my very being. When he finally rammed his cock inside with full force, I welcomed it lasciviously. His lovemaking was demanding, hard and harsh like a man starved; I matched his need. There were no words spoken. Our bodies spoke for us.

Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined this soul-consuming connection with anyone. It was a connection that obliterated my sanity. It yearned with no concession. It was like a hypnotic state of a nonsensical, merry-go-round of emotions with no chance in hell of slowing down. People always spoke about it, but I'd never understood their uncontrollable obsession, _until now_.

I was petrified and scared shitless, however I didn't have the capacity to walk away from him.

_It was all or nothing._

# Chapter 23

"Poppet, wake up," Blake's voice trailed along my neck as it sent goose bumps all over my body. I sighed contently. _I like being woken up like this_. I was on my stomach as he began kissing me across my shoulder and then his kisses trailed lower.

_Jesus, the man has more stamina than an Arabian horse._

I was caught by surprise when he swiftly lifted my butt and placed a pillow underneath me. My ass was raised into the air, hailing his undivided attention. His thumb rubbed my clit intensely as he licked the lips around it and stuck his tongue inside my opening. He groaned loudly when I moaned his name. He was insatiable and I loved the fact that he couldn't get enough of me.

_If this is his way of marking me, then mark away, lover!_

Lifting his body to his knees, he squeezed my ass with both of his hands. He took his sweet time, torturing me with the head of his cock, swiping it back and forth on my clit to make sure I was wet enough.

My mouth hung ajar as I groaned from his ministrations. "Blake! Fuck me already!" I was aggravated and beyond aroused! I wasn't to be me messed with!

Thrusting his huge cock, he penetrated me quite roughly; the sudden impact stunned my body for a mere second. I was a bit sore from his rough handling last night, though my greed for him seized me entirely and erased any thought of the soreness. I moaned as he took himself deeper.

My pussy was salivating from the building pressure. He pulled my hips and commanded me to lift myself to all fours as he pounded my cunt harder. The impact of his balls slapping and hitting my wet folds just heightened my burning need.

He slapped my ass. Hard. I howled from the impact of his palm as I felt a well of liquid seep out of me. My mind went blank from the excruciating hunger that rumbled inside.

"You feel incredible," Blake said in between heavy panting.

Grabbing both of my ass cheeks with his hands, gripping them firmly as he fucked me harder, my body tightened from his animalistic lovemaking. I yelled, gripping the sheets as my body was released from its misery. My orgasm overwhelmed and paralyzed me as his tempo picked up faster than before.

" _This pussy belongs to me,_ " he growled loudly through gritted teeth. "Tell me it's mine. Tell me!" his voice roared possessively.

"This pussy's yours, Blake. It's yours. I'm giving it to you. _Take it_. _It's yours_ ," I breathily panted as his orgasm came to a close. With one last thrust, he stiffened and spilled his semen inside me.

He panted heavily, his cheek on the back of my shoulder as he said, "It's mine, all mine; don't you dare forget that!"

_Loud. And. Clear._

After Blake's lovemaking, my lids started to get heavy. I submitted to my body's demand for recuperation as sleep took over.

A loud thud woke me from my slumber. _How long did I nap for?_ I sleepily wondered.

I sat up and yawned loudly as Blake entered the room dressed in a black suit, stark white dress shirt and a black silver-patterned tie. My eyes greedily roamed all over him. He looked sharp and utterly delectable. My mouth watered.

_And he's leaving for a month and a half. How the hell am I going to survive now? I'll miss him like mad._

The bed dipped as he sat on it, smiling affectionately as he traced my swollen lips with his thumb. "You look flushed and satisfied, my sweet. Your hair's all sexily mussed up and you look absolutely beautiful."

Gazing contently at him, I smiled like an idiot. "Maybe you did something right, Knightly." I suggestively licked my lips, my fingers playing with his hair behind his ear. "Your skills are extraordinary; _incomparable._ "

Every time he smiles at me I feel like I'd just won the lottery. I was such a sucker for his smiles. I was hopeless!

Smiling in between his soft kisses, he managed to say, "Oh yeah? Try to remember that in the next few weeks. I'll try to get away as much as I can, though you have to understand the kind of pressure I have at the moment. I have so much to prove to my grandfather." He paused as his eyes scanned my face. "Just remember how good it'll be when we see each other again."

_Yes, it will be hella crazy._

"Blake, everyone that knows you, knows how incredible you are. Your own investments have been phenomenal. I don't doubt you for a second. As for your _other_ worries, stop, okay? You're worrying for nothing." I kissed his lips to assure him.

"All right, I have to leave for Gatwick Airport. I hate leaving you here." He took something out of his pocket and handed me a key with an embossed, golden, oriental lily with intricate pink and white diamonds around the designed keychain. It was probably about two and half inches in diameter.

I swallowed.

"Are these _real_ diamonds? Blake, this must've cost a fortune!" I stared at him in shock.

He simply shrugged. "You're worth it, poppet."

I looked down at it with confusion as I traced the lily with my finger. Sometimes I tended to forget how loaded Blake was; this keychain cost probably a fraction of his shaving paraphernalia, _but still_. We hadn't properly dated yet.

He knew I loved this particular type of lily. The intoxicating perfumed smell and the contrasting colors of pinks were too beautiful to explain. My insides swelled from the thought that he could remember insignificant details about me.

"This is the spare key to my apartment. I already informed the lobby about you. It's your second home now. I've been meaning to give this to you since you gave me yours, but didn't get the chance to. I know how much you love this particular kind of lily so I thought it would be a nice reminder when you see it, hoping that you'll think of me."

"Thank you! It's very sweet and a thoughtful gesture, however I don't need a reminder of you, Blake... you're in my thoughts all the time."

"Good to know because you're in mine, every second," Blake declared, getting up and kissing me one last time. We said our goodbyes and he left for the airport.

The apartment was silent without him. I took the pillow he slept on last night and inhaled his scent; lemons and the smell of his intoxicating skin. _Maybe I should take the pillow with me when I go. Tempting._

_I miss him already._

Grazing my fingertip on the lily keychain, I flipped it over and was surprised that he'd had it engraved. Cradling it on my palm, I read it slowly. _"And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us."_

_I'll be thinking of you, poppet._

It was a quote by the famous Pablo Neruda, one of my favored poets. My heart thudded as I traced the engraving. _He remembers everything that I like!_ With his razor-sharp, brilliant mind, I was not surprised that he did.

_However the thought of him making an effort is a major deal._

Bubbles of happiness coursed through my body.

_He thinks of everything; so far, I'm putty in his hands._

_He simply knows how to put a smile on my face._

# Chapter 24

Three days had passed and I was still high on Blake and I didn't want it to stop. It was even better than a triple chocolate cake and crème brûlée put together. _Though I'm sure if you put them all together, I would devour them all with gusto._

We'd been relentlessly calling and texting each other. With the permit problem fixed, there was still much for him to get done. His schedule was punishing, yet he still made time to call me every night before he went to bed. Sweet, wasn't it?

I was walking on cloud nine as I entered the restaurant where I was meeting Kyle for lunch. It was a block away from school, so saying no to him when he'd invited me for lunch had not been an option. He was already at a table and stood up as I approached him.

The dark circles were gone, his face bright and handsome as ever. He was wearing his usual get-up; jeans, shirt and his rugged Timberland boots. He looked well. _I'm glad that his transition in the office had worked out fine._

"How are you, baby?" He kissed my cheek before I sat down. Kyle had always called me baby, even before we'd started dating. There was some odd sense of security knowing that he was here with me. I suppose it was because he had been a big part of my life growing up.

"I'm good! What about you? How's work?" I asked before taking a sip of water.

"What's this?" Kyle asked as his finger pointed at the folded flyer in my hand. He jovially took it, his long, manly fingers prying it open.

"You're looking for a job? Why didn't you say so?" He peered at me as he popped an olive.

I was staring at his mouth. I looked away quickly, a little embarrassed. _Damn, he's still cute and sexy to boot. Are these normal reactions to your still-hot looking ex? I suppose so. I mean, it was merely a month ago since that mouth went downtown on my body._

"I don't know what I want yet. Have to see what's available. Although I want to work somewhere challenging, you know, a job that I can learn from and apply later on in life."

"Well, why didn't you say? I'm interviewing for an assistant," Kyle informed me, smiling widely.

"You're joking, right? Why would you _need_ an assistant, Kyle?" He usually did his own thing.

"Hey! Don't underestimate my abilities. You know I've been working for the company since I was sixteen. I've earned my position. All I'm saying is that I have a spot available, if you're not interested, too bad." He shrugged slightly as he devoured another olive.

"Sorry, I wasn't underestimating your abilities. I was just surprised. Climbing up the ladder, hmm? I'm happy for you, but as you can see, my class schedule is a little crazy. I don't see how that could work."

The waiter took our order and placed a bottle of red wine and breadsticks on the table. Kyle poured wine in our glasses while I munched on the olives and breadsticks.

I was famished.

"The schedule's going to be flexible. You will be working more at night when I scout during gigs or talk to bands during shifts. You only have to go to the office once or twice a week to do some paperwork. Other than that, you can send emails through your phone when I need you to get some things done."

"Hmmm, are you sure you want me as your assistant, Kyle?" Arching my brow at him, I questioned his sanity. "What if we fight all the time? What then?"

"Baby, you forget that it's me you're dealing with. For years, I've dealt with your PMS and your mood swings." I choked on my olive, but he kept going. "I took care of you when you were sick, held your hair as you puked your guts out over the toilet, taught you how to drive; need I say more?"

"Fine, I get it. When do you want me to start?" I smirked. _I wonder what it'll be like working with Kyle._ He was passionate about his job and I admired that, however there was a lot of baggage between the two of us now.

"How does Friday night sound? I need to check out a band that's playing in Camden."

"Friday sounds bueno! Try not to be such a slave driver, okay?"

I couldn't wait to start work. I had always wondered how it would be working behind the scenes; the process, the thrill of signing a great band. I was dying to know.

"I'll definitely try not to work you to the ground, baby," he murmured softly. _I wonder if Blake will be bothered that he calls me 'baby?'_

Our food arrived and our conversation steered to his job as well as what he had been up to. Stories flowed and we chatted about the people we knew back home. His easygoing personality made it easy for me to be comfortable with him again. If we continued with this kind of progression, our friendship would bounce back in no time. I was confident that it would.

We parted after our lunch date and I had to scurry to The National Gallery Museum to meet my class. Today, we were going to learn about Botticelli and his work. I was energized and psyched that I would get to study it close-up. Last week, I had been awestruck with the works of Jan van Eyck, especially with _The_ _Arnolfini Marriage_ illusionism painting. It was simply unique and his perfect execution of geometrical points and perception were outstanding. Not to mention, his application on the reversed reflection of the mirror with immaculate detail had rendered me speechless. His one-of-a-kind depiction of lighting had also made it extraordinary. I had been intrigued and enraptured.

Our class was small with twenty students who were all eager to learn about art and its history. When I got there, the class had already gathered at the far end of Trafalgar Square as our teacher, Mrs. Samantha Collins, checked her roster. She was a charming British lady who talked animatedly with passionate alacrity for anything and everything pertaining to art. Some people had the zeal for it and others were simply apathetic about the subject. I, for one, liked to be absorbed in the artist's craftiness and mastery.

The execution of their imagination in fine, intricate detail was simply gravitating. It was like being transported and seeing it from their eyes. Their hopes, dreams, emotions, their soul and their very being were captured from their compelling, graphic artistry. My ingénue mind was keen to learn and grasp their unrivaled ingenuity.

While studying the _Venus and Mars_ renaissance painting, I received a message from Blake.

Blake: _What have you been up to, poppet? Stuck here about to head for a meeting. I'm knackered._

I couldn't help turning mushy every single time I got a message from him. I smirked when he used "knackered," British slang for tired. I was still learning their British colloquialism, but it was funny how I tended to use some of them now. Chad, too, but he'd been here for almost five years. He came here to study after high school and decided to stay when he graduated. He told me that once you fall for London, it was hard to let go.

I rushed a reply.

Me: _I'm at the National Gallery studying. Btw, I found a job! Drink up some of your beloved espressos. I'm sure that'll help put you back in top form._

My phone beeped again.

Blake: _You were looking for a job? Why didn't you mention it, poppet? If you ever need money, just say so. Give me your banking details. I'll have it wired to you immediately._

I almost choked on my saliva.

Me: _No, thank you. Keep your money; it wasn't the issue. I just want to see if I can explore more and meet new people. I only have school and I hate being idle._

Luce mentioned once a few months ago how Blake would give hefty allowances to his women. A week or a month, it didn't make a difference since he simply spoiled them rotten. Apart from his god-like handsomeness, he was like the Roman god Plutus incarnated, squandering his wealth and lavishing the over-eager strumpets that were ready and willing for him. If Blake Knightly said jump, they eagerly respond, "how high?" _I'm not bitter, much_.

Honestly, I can't recall how many women he'd dated since I'd met him; there were countless of them. It was dangerous to think about. A speck of doubt was a speck of venom that would surely poison our budding relationship. We were still building our trust with each other as lovers; my mind could not wander about in the unchartered territory of doubt.

With Kyle, I had encountered many instances where women hit on him constantly or "friends" that would try to seduce him while I was not paying attention. It was aggravating to say the least. With Blake, though, it was like comparing a gigantic lake to an ocean. Overwhelming didn't even cover it.

_So, what's a woman to do?_ I simply pushed it aside and distracted myself with dancing or with a handful of French and Italian pastries. _Voila! It works like a charm._

Blake: _Sorry, meeting just started. Which company will you work for? When do you start?_

My stomach did a somersault. _Should I tell him the truth or skirt around it? He'll eventually find out._ It was better to break it to him now rather than later.

Me: _I start tomorrow. I'm an assistant for M.A.T.T. Music. It's off my major, but too good of an opportunity to pass up. I'm pretty psyched about it!_

I hit send before I could change my mind.

My phone vibrated immediately. _Whoa, that was fast. Isn't he in a meeting?_

Blake: _Isn't that Kyle's company? You'll be working for him? Rubbish. Tell him you're going to quit. I'll get you a job somewhere suitable._

_He's not serious? Screw you_. He could shove his demands somewhere else. I wasn't budging.

Me: _Don't dictate my life! My mind is capable of making rational decisions. If you're not happy about it, well too bad; deal with it._

_If he's going to think I'll be complacent like his previous women, then he can think again!_ I shoved my phone back in my purse, infuriated with his attitude. I'd rather get back to studying Botticelli paintings than deal with His Royal Highness.

My phone vibrated again, but I ignored it.

_Let him simmer and fester._ He deserved it.

# Chapter 25

### Blake

It had been a hectic day full of meetings, video calls and now, it seemed it was going to get even better. Amelia Mendez was in the middle of her presentation when my Blackberry vibrated. Everyone noticed, but I didn't give a damn. My mood wasn't going to be messed with or they'd end up getting fired. Amelia smiled and proceeded. She'd been giving me a lot of blatant come-hither looks. She was certainly beautiful, but I'd been subtly declining her advances.

I'd turned them all down since Sienna became mine.

Sienna: _Don't dictate my life! My mind is capable of making rational decisions. If you're not happy about it, too bad; deal with it._

_Christ! This woman's impossible! How can she think that working with Kyle would be all right with me?_

Me: _I made my feelings perfectly clear concerning that cretin. I'm being rational. I can get you a job anywhere, name it. Kyle has motives. I just want you to be safe; that is all. I miss you, poppet._

I placed my phone back in my pocket and waited for her reply. Ten minutes passed and she still hadn't. She was obviously ticked off. I'd give her time to calm down.

It was evident to everyone within sight that he wanted her back, but his loss had been my gain. I wasn't as feebleminded as he was. He hadn't realized how special Sienna was, however I did. I'd waited gallantly for almost nine months. I wasn't going to let him snatch her away. _Hell. The. Fuck. No._

That first night I had seen her at Toby's party, I had immediately been bewitched. She wasn't the type of woman I was usually attracted to, but, Christ, any man would have to be blind not to be captivated by the exotically golden/green-eyed beauty and her lush curves, especially that toned, succulent ass of hers. Her body was just perfect; long wavy mane, C-cups, small waist and a nice rounded, pert bottom. She was the kind of woman who could make a man groan as she passed by. She was lethal to all hot-blooded males in her vicinity.

I was shocked after I had been introduced to her and had made the realization that she was not superficial, instead she was quite a sincere person. She was a breath of fresh air with enough sass, wit and sweetness melded into her goddess beauty that I had instantly wanted to know more about her.

I couldn't get enough of her.

When Toby had seen where my eyes had wandered, he'd warned me to back off. He'd mentioned that she was in a _very_ committed relationship with her childhood sweetheart and there was no chance in hell of breaking them up. They were in love and would marry someday. So, I had retreated. How could a man compete with that? Love was anathema to me. I had seen my parents in love, but never had I experienced it for myself.

Yet, I couldn't stay away from her. I was drawn to her; hook, line and sinker. So, I settled for her friendship. When our friendship had flourished, it made me want her more. We had a lot in common and she was fun to be around, but I had to keep my desires buried when she was near. I quietly lusted from afar for months as I practiced the art of restraint and placed a harness on my feelings. When she broke the news that Kyle had cheated and started seeing someone else, I was triumphant and my mind was set on having her.

My plan faltered when she decided to go see him after what he'd done. I let her be. If closure was what she needed, then closure was what she'd get. Had I known at the time what that visit would result in, I wouldn't have let her go.

When Lucy casually mentioned that Sienna was back early, how distraught she was and _why_ she was distraught, furious didn't amount to what I'd felt then. The impulse to see her was imminent and I made a dash to my flat to get her spare key. I let myself in the apartment, ready to confront and berate her; however, when I'd opened her bedroom door and had seen her sleeping so soundly, all thoughts vanished.

It pained me that she'd slept with him, but it didn't change the fact that I still wanted her more than ever. I had to tread carefully when pursuing her, though all my good intentions of taking it slowly had vanished when she'd taunted me in the car; when she had spoken in Spanish. I knew the language fluently, but when she purred in Spanish, I had been flabbergasted. I wanted to fuck her right then, yet I did as she asked and waited.

Then, when she broke the news about Kyle moving here and she needed to help him, I was conflicted. I wanted her, but she was still attached to the man. That night at the park, I was at odds with myself. I wanted her; however, I couldn't bring myself to ask if she was still in love with him. If she was in love, how in God's name could I compete with that? I did what I had to do; I walked away. My Sienna didn't make it easy for me, though. She had to drag that cretin to the club and flaunt him as he groped her right before my eyes. Roaring jealousy floored me and ripped me apart. I was done for.

I knew then.

I knew that if I didn't possess her, I would be haunted by her forever. They say life was about taking risks, right? My sanity was at stake; the decision had been made.

That same night, when she finally gave herself to me, something deep inside me had changed.

A soul-shifting alteration that had touched the very core of my being; Sienna had done that, unbeknownst to her.

The meeting ended. I thanked everyone as they departed and scampered back to their offices. Amelia sauntered towards me, placing her hand on my chest; a bold move for a bold woman. I met her three months ago when I made a quick trip down here to oversee the new branch, along with the new project. I was attracted to her and she had easily given in to my advances without hesitation. For two whole nights, I had enjoyed her body. However, seeing her now didn't do anything for me. Although she obviously wanted to pick up where we'd left off.

"Señor Knightly, what time will you need me to be ready for the gala tonight?" We were both going to represent the company and she was my plus one. It was all business and nothing else. She was a daughter of a prominent family in Spain. She was good at her job and she was a great asset for the company. It also didn't hurt that she had vast connections in the country.

"Be ready by six. You can go home and get ready. I'm sure we'll be fine without you for the rest of the day," I said calmly, cocking my head quickly and going back to studying the paperwork I had in my hands. She leaned a little closer and grazed my cheek. Her perfume was heady and I wanted to get away.

"I'll be more than ready for you. See you tonight, mi amor," she purred and then sashayed her tight-clad body out the door.

Running my hand through my hair, I made a mental note to tell her I was seeing someone else. She seemed oblivious to the fact that I had declined her offers, several times. She simply kept on coming nonetheless. _Christ, that woman's going to be trouble._

Releasing a heavy sigh, I went back to my office, sat on my desk and stared at the photo of the woman who had irrevocably bewitched me. It was a picture I had taken the day after making love to her. That night had been one of the best nights I'd ever had. She had definitely been worth the wait. When I'd woken up and seen her next to me, I had to keep a memento; to freeze that moment in my mind. She was everything that I'd ever wanted in a woman and more. I had grabbed my phone and taken the picture. Her hair was disheveled, lips slightly parted and the sheet barely covered her breasts. She looked so peaceful and absolutely breathtaking.

Something tugged inside of me the longer I stared at her. _Christ, Knightly, you've got it really bad._

Pulling out my phone, I checked for messages or missed calls. I got a few from friends and work, but none had come from her.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose to ease some tension, and then buzzed the intercom, barking for Luke, my assistant who was hired a week ago in London, to come inside my office "this instant".

"Yes, Mr. Knightly?" the composed, blue-eyed, blonde male asked.

"Can you check my schedule? Tell me when I'm free so I can visit London."

After a minute or two, he came back again with the company iPad and checked the calendar. Clearing his throat, he spoke, "Next week, you can leave Friday afternoon, but you have to be back early Sunday to make it for your golf meeting with the Mayor and other investors."

"Fine, make sure the pilot knows. I want to leave at four and get there by six. Do it before you leave today. That will be it, Luke. Thank you."

"Good day, Mr. Knightly."

_Fuck! Another week until I see her? Fuck!_

# Chapter 26

### Sienna

"Owww," I yelped in pain when my tongue got burned by the scalding hot coffee. I'd been all over the place and my mind had decided to take a vacation somewhere in Marbella. The first thing I'd done this morning was check my phone for calls or messages. I was crushed when he never called or texted last night; he usually called me before he went to bed.

I huffed. If he was still mad at me, okay. I could deal with that, but what I couldn't fathom was someone telling me what to do. If he wanted to be with me, he had to change. I was not yielding to his demands.

I was on my way to Chad's studio in Camden town geared in an all-black ensemble; black cami, black pants and black pumps. It definitely matched my mood and I was in terrible need for girly time. I knew Chad was a man—technically speaking—however he was a woman at heart. His usual laissez-faire attitude would help pick up my mood.

Pulling open the door to his studio, I let myself in and called out his name. The main floor was his actual art studio where he did some of his shoots and his touch-and-go penchant for painting. He only painted when he was stressed out, though. His main focus, pride and joy was photography.

"In here, baby love!" Chad yelled behind the black drapes and I strolled over to him.

My shoes clicked loudly against the hardwood floors as I walked and my eyes scanned the room. The first thing I noticed was black. There were a lot of black drapes lining the room. The second thing I noticed was his equipment. There were a lot of scattered props; black chaise lounge, black covered bed, huge mirrors, metal working table with a lot of strategically placed work-man tools and an all-black Harley Davidson Hot Rod sat in the middle of the room.

I dauntingly stared at the bike. _Am I going to be on that thing? Or the guy named Troy?_

"Like it? It's such a sexy bike. I pulled some strings to get a loaner. It's going to be fabulous! Troy's here somewhere." Chad looked around and called out to him.

A man emerged from another black curtain draping on the other side of the room. He was dressed in a low-rise, all black Armani micro-modal trunk. Holy Shit! My eyes landed on his bulging mid-section and then grazed over muscled thighs and up towards his torso. _Whoa, was that an eight pack? I've never seen one up close._ He had the bad boy, dark hair going on. It was a little long, brushing over his jaw, unruly, but it gave him more appeal and a little edge. Dark hair, chocolate eyes and a sexy grin as he saw me check him out from head to toe.

Chad cleared his throat as I looked away embarrassed. _Crap._ "Troy Scott, meet Sienna Richards. Sienna, this is Troy," Chad introduced us jovially.

"Hello, Sienna. Finally! I get to meet you. Chad's been talking about you non-stop," the hot hunk said with a dark, deep voice in his British accent.

"Great to meet you, too! I hope Chad spoke kindly of me. He can get carried away sometimes," I said with enthusiasm. _He's hot, all right! However my man is even sexier and hotter by tenfold._

_So, stop staring at his body, hmmm?_

"Enough with the pleasantries and let's get down to business, shall we?" Chad's business voice echoed in the room. _Okay, here goes._

Chad directed me behind the drapes where Troy had come out of and gave me a silk-ruffled bikini panty, a small, black silk robe and four-inch, black suede boots that sat two inches above my knees—fuck-me boots he said—to change into. He immediately applied heavy, black eyeliner, false eyelashes and cherry red lipstick.

Troy was leaning against a table when I came out. I didn't even look at him because I was a little apprehensive about my lack of clothing. He was a model; I was sure these things didn't bother him, though to a novice like me, it was nerve-racking.

"Okay, Sienna, I want to get a few shots with you first. Can you stand in front of the mirror, cup your tits and take off your robe, please?" Chad already had his camera hanging around his neck and he had several strobes, umbrellas and reflectors all ready.

Holy, Shit! _Calm your nerves, Sienna. Just have fun and don't think._

Music played in the background; "Teardrop" by Massive Attack. The beat certainly made it more sensuous. I walked over to the huge mirrors against the wall and my reflection stared back at me. _Yup! I look like an over-sexed, confident woman. Just pretend you are for today. Own it. I can do that, right?_

Chad asked me to turn around as I slowly slipped off my robe. He toyed with my long hair and asked me to open my legs a little wider while cupping my breasts. _Click. Click. Click._ "Stare back in the mirror and stick your tongue out over your upper lip. You look hot, Sienna." _Click. Click._

His next shot had me lying on my stomach with my legs crisscrossed. "Lift your butt a little higher." _Click. Click._ "Beautiful. Now look at me. I want you to look into the camera with 'I want you' eyes." _Click_. "That's perfect love." _Click._ "Bite your bottom lip and look at me through your lashes. Think lustful thoughts. Give me that provocative face. Perfect!" _Click. Click. Click._ "Tilt your head to the right." _Click. Click._

"Troy, you're on! Get on Sienna's back!" _Oh. My. God. Breathe, woman!_

I heard him approach. _Dear, me_. "Sienna, lift your butt again and pull your hair to one side. Troy, please get on top of her. Put one hand on her waist, the other on the bed to hold yourself and smell her neck."

Troy simply said "okay" like it was no big deal. I was sure it wasn't to him.

The bed dipped and I suddenly felt the warmth of his muscled body over mine. His covered penis was pressed on my ass as he gently placed his face near my neck. _Dear God!_ _I feel hot all-over._ "Sexual perfection," Chad said.

_Click. Click_. Troy's breath was hot on my neck and it took a lot of power in me not to shiver.

"'Kay, now nibble her ear lobe." _Um, hell! This is torture._ The minute his tongue captured my lobe, I let out a soft moan. _FUCK!_ "Beautiful, guys! Open your mouth a little wider, Sienna. Troy, hold her waist tighter like you can't wait to have her. You're seducing her into submission and will fuck her mindless!" _Click. Click. Click._ "Change positions. Get on the chaise lounge. Troy, sit comfortably, and Sienna, go straddle him while you take off the boots, please." _I guess I will just have to get over Troy being up close and personal with my boobs then._

I walked over to where Troy sat, hoping that he'd be chipper so that it wouldn't have to be so awkward, but nope, he was unsmiling as I stopped opposite of him. Tucking my legs slowly on his hips and straddling him, he gave a deep groan. I didn't dare peek at him.

"Troy, kiss her neck and push your chest to her tits. Sienna, look straight at the camera and grab his shoulder. _" Wow, this is intense. I'm going to strangle, Chad. Fuck! Blake won't be happy about this._

_Click. Click._ Chad went behind me and took a few more pictures. "Sienna, I want you to lift your butt a little and then plump down on Troy, will you? Wrap your hands on his neck and look at me, love. Make the other men jealous." _Click. Click._ "Perfect. Troy, grab her ass with both hands." _Click. Click. Click_. He took a few more in different angles before he ended the session.

"Thank you, Troy, Sienna. I'll see you both Sunday at four?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Troy replied as he smiled at me. _Now he smiles, after the shoot._

I wanted to cover my boobs, but it was pointless. He had an up close and personal introduction to my lady lumps. I gave him a non-committal smile and he escaped to go change as Chad handed me the black robe. I immediately slipped it on my barely-clad body.

"Thank you, baby love! I knew it was a bit hard for you to do this, however you were fantastic! Behind the lens, you looked like you've done it for years. If I were straight, I'd already have a hard-on just by looking at you."

I laughed. "It was a bit hard, but I'm doing this for you. You owe me big time!"

"Yeah, yeah. Now, go change so we can have dinner." I waited until Troy came out before I went to change back into my own clothing and I didn't even bother to take the make-up off. It fit perfectly with my all black get-up.

Chad and Troy were chatting like they were old buddies. I ignored them as I fished for my phone inside my purse, but no messages from Blake. _Does he plan to ignore me forever?_

Chad invited Troy to join us for dinner, but he declined because he had an early shoot tomorrow.

"Bye, Sienna. You were great!" Troy said.

I reddened. "Thank you! You were, too!" I mumbled. _I can't talk about it without getting shy and agitated. Ha!_

I followed Chad to his loft upstairs. He was making chicken pesto as I pulled out a bottle of white wine. "Chad, what's up with the soft porn shoot?" Glaring as I poured us both wine.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Baby love, it was hot! Troy was so turned on and you were, too." Cocking up a brow, he confirmed. "We all heard the moan." _No, shit._

"Uh, duh? The man was sucking and nipping on my ear! Any woman would've reacted the same way. Throw a nun in there and she'd have the same reaction!" I tried to justify myself.

Sipping half of his glass in one gulp, he said, "I guess it helped a lot that he's got a marvelous body to boot, ey?" Chad sighed dreamily, thoughts wandering about Troy, I was sure. _He's hopeless._

"Well, I suppose his body's pretty great! He does have that bad boy thing going on." _...and not to mention his nice ass?_ I chuckled softly.

"Guess it's not that big of a deal since you've surrounded yourself with hot men lately, hmmm? There's Kyle, there's Troy and our god of sexiness, Blake. Must be nice, baby love!" He motioned for me to give him the pepper grinder and I placed it next to him.

"Kyle's a part of my past and we're working on our friendship. I hope working with him will help it recover, you know? As for Blake, he's still too intense for me, but I want him."

While he was making the sauce, he asked me about Blake. I told him the story starting from the moment we'd gotten back to his apartment that Saturday night. "I knew it! Blake's face said it all. Can you believe it? Blake is your boyfriend! How can you get all the luck, Sienna? I feel faint every time I see him smile. How do you stand it? He's such a marvelous piece of eye candy! I wish he had an identical gay twin!" He pouted as he fanned his cheeks. It was true; we both drooled over Blake! Who wouldn't? He was just über fucking yummy! I went over to hug him and promised that I'd dish out all the delicious details to keep him at bay. He bounced like a five-year-old.

I sat back in the chair, feeling a bit down. "It's great and all, but he hasn't contacted me for a whole day now. I'm worried. What if he found someone else? He wouldn't have to look too hard."

"Do you blame him? He has the right to be jealous. Kyle wants you back and he feels threatened. After all, Kyle's your first. He wouldn't dump you like that, though, love. It's Blake we're talking about. You're precious to him, even as a friend. Now that you guys are dating, you mean more to him. If it worries you that much, why don't you call him? He's probably waiting for you."

"I could call him tonight, I guess," I conceded.

"Splendid! Now, that's settled. Tell me, did he tell you he loves you yet?" His question caught me off guard so the wine went the wrong way and I was coughing mildly. _Uh, what the fuck?_

"Shut it, Chad! It's too early to be talking about love. This is about having fun and enjoying my youth! It was merely lust, not love; big difference there, Sherlock." _Was I in love with Blake? That's a little extreme. We barely just started. Love is not on the agenda._

"Open your eyes, young lady! Have you seen how Kyle and Blake look at you? Their faces mirror each other. Fine, let's agree that Blake might not be there yet, but he's sure as hell making the trip to 'I Love Sienna Island' a little quicker. Trust me; I studied the guy's reaction that night, baby love. They're going to fight over you. Kyle was _the_ love of your life. Blake is the present _lover_ in your life." Chad looked at me thoughtfully. "The million dollar question is, if push comes to shove, who would you choose?"

I didn't answer him as he continued to make the pasta because I didn't have a response. I went to the living room and stared out the window. Kyle didn't know about Blake, yet. Once he found out, I knew he'd be devastated. _Will he fight for me? If he does, am I willing to hurt him?_

I shuddered.

I loved Kyle. I always had. I mean, who wouldn't? He had been my life before. _Do I love Blake? No, not that way. Although, my body has its own mind when he's around._ With Blake, I felt something... different. He evoked something profound within me. That was the intense part that I got scared about. He was too much and Kyle was familiar.

It was past eight-thirty when I got back to my apartment and I was extremely exhausted, but I wouldn't go to bed until I'd spoken to Blake.

The photo shoot had been interesting, to say the least. I rehashed everything in my head as I showered and brushed my teeth. _I'm sure when Sunday comes around, it won't be so awkward._

Dressed in my pastel pink, silk slip, I sat on my bed and dialed Blake. After a few rings, he picked up. _Thank you, Jesus!_

"Sienna," Blake breathed out my name. Hearing his voice made my insides twist.

"Blake, you haven't been texting or calling. Are you still mad?" My voice was low and calm. My fingers toyed with strands of my hair. _Don't be; I'm going crazy here._

"I was giving you time to cool-off, poppet. Have you missed me?"

Smiling like an idiot, I gushed, "I miss you. I miss you terribly. Are you still planning to visit this weekend?"

"I can't come out this weekend, poppet. I'm sorry. My schedule's chaotic. Hopefully next week, if I can manage."

I let out a disappointed sigh. "All right, promise to let me know when you are sure it's definite?"

"I promise, poppet." I could hear him smiling. I could picture him with that beautiful smile as he spoke on his cell.

He ended up talking about the galas and other parties he had attended for work. He asked me about the photo shoot with Chad. I gave him a cutout, subtle version and convinced him that he had to wait for the exhibition. After an hour of talking, we decided to call it a night.

I twisted and turned on my bed, while sleep eluded me. Thoughts of Blake—his voice, his smell—lingered through my mind.

My body ached for him.

My hand slowly went south as I relieved myself, thinking about the man who had hounded my thoughts endlessly from the moment he'd kissed me.

# Chapter 27

Since I didn't have classes on Friday, I slept in longer. Somewhere in my foggy mind I thought I heard Lucy buzz someone in. _I guess she's having friends over._

My mind started to drift back to slumberland when someone knocked.

"Yeah?" I croakily called out, still not moving from my position.

"Morning, love! Sorry to be a bugger, but you have a delivery; a few of them, actually."

_A delivery?_ I haven't ordered anything online lately.

I dragged myself out of bed to check where they had come from. There were three enormous, lime-colored, crystal vases with two dozen of my favorite oriental lilies in each one. I took the card that was attached to the first and opened it: _I want you_. My face glowed and beamed. I took the second card: _I miss you_. The third one said: _I worship you_.

_I'm definitely charmed._

There was another knock on the door and Lucy opened it straight away. The deliverymen stood there with a gigantic box of pastries that had the world-renowned Pierre Hermé label. Two of the men went past us, heading directly to the living room with the box in their hands. I didn't see the man standing in the back of the others, so I jumped out of my skin when he greeted us.

"I apologize. I didn't mean to frighten you, but I'm looking for Ms. Sienna Richards?" a tall, lithe blonde with clear blue eyes asked Lucy and I. _Um, who is this man, again?_ He'd never said.

"Um, that would be me. Who are you? Sorry, you didn't introduce yourself." I gave him a confused looked.

"I'm Luke Scott. I work for Knightly Industries as Blake Knightly IV's assistant. I was ordered by Mr. Knightly to come here." _Interesting._

The deliverymen started to dissipate, exiting one by one, however Luke Scott stayed. He was smiling with a twinkle in his eye. Hmm...

"I think the room is ready. Let's all go and see."

Luce and I shared a what-the-fuck-is-going-on look as we followed Blake's assistant to the living room.

The coffee table had been transformed into a French pastry wonderland. Different flavors of authentic macarons were neatly organized in a towering pastry stand. Another tower was made of cream puffs, éclairs, napoleon, small Parisian cakes, fruit gateau, and pan au chocolat, to name a few. There were three silver platters of assorted chocolates and a bucket of champagne chilling in a silver bucket next to the coffee table and a coffee pot.

My eyes greedily roamed the contents as my stomach growled. _Right on cue, Blake._

"Enjoy, ladies. Also, Ms. Richards, I was ordered to give you this." He took a small, soft-leather box out of his breast pocket.

"Uh, thanks. Um, why don't you join us, Luke?"

"The company jet is waiting for me in Gatwick actually. I have to get back to Marbella as soon as possible. There was a lot of traffic in Paris so I'm running late. There's an important meeting set for three this afternoon and it's already quarter to twelve, but thank you, Ms. Richards. I'll let my boss know how delighted you are. I didn't realize how romantic he could be," he said with a wink.

"Wait, did you just say you flew to Paris? _To buy pastries?_ "

_Goodness gracious._

"Yes, that was what Mr. Knightly ordered. I really must get going. Have a good day, ladies." He promptly left without much ado, leaving Luce and I staring at each other.

A shrieking laugh came from Lucy, who was obviously as excited as I was. "Sienna, what the hell have you done to poor Blake? He's obviously smitten. I knew it! It took longer than expected, but Toby predicted that Blake had his eyes set on you. I'm happy that he's making you happy."

"You could say that, I guess. It's just in the early days, but I do like him a lot." Okay, I was a bit embarrassed that I hadn't told her myself first.

"No wonder women clamor for him. Look at this! He had his assistant jetting off to Paris to fetch a few boxes of freshly baked pastries for his beloved. Oh, Sienna! It shows how much you mean to him when he goes to such lengths. Isn't that romantic?" she said dreamily.

_It's more than romantic. It's downright disarming me. If this is his intent, then he's doing a stupendous job!_

Luce and I sat as we poured each other drinks, champagne for her and coffee for me. We savored each pastry and compared which one was the best. It was an orgasmic dessert heaven.

"How I wish Toby would do something like this for me. I mean, not on the same scale of grandeur—the man doesn't own private jets—yet just as sweet and romantic _." Did I hear a tinge of sadness? I might just be imagining things._ They're crazy for each other.

I took a sip of my coffee, eyeing her warily. "Toby loves you and he has his own way of showing it. Everything okay with you guys?"

She let out a sigh and limply sat back with angst written all over her face. "It's been rather off for the last week. Something's wrong, but he's not telling me. I'll give him a few more days to tell, if not, then I'll have to find another way." _Uh oh._

"Whatever it is I'm sure he has a good reason. He could be swamped with work, you know," I tried to ease her worries.

She shrugged and got up. "We'll see. Anyhow, I have to go meet a few of my schoolmates for a project. I'll help you clean up when I get back, okay? Tell Blake I enjoyed his impromptu." She went over to kiss my cheek, but I hugged her instead and gave her a little squeeze.

"It'll be okay," I whispered in her ear as she nodded and headed out the door. It was apparent that she was bothered about it. I hoped she would be okay.

The soft-leather box sat closed next to the tower of macarons. I was dying to know what was inside.

I jerked it open.

It was a bracelet. A lightweight, gold chain design with an oblong, gold medallion and a big, diamond-studded heart that had tiny diamond-studded B.K. initials on the bottom right. _Huh! Why would he put his initials there? Is this his way of laying it on Kyle when I start work tonight?_

I placed the bracelet back on the table, scrambled to get my phone in the bedroom and dialed Blake. When he picked up, I didn't even let him say hello. I was ready to chew him out.

_"Knightly, you'd better explain to me and you'd better explain well!_ Tell me why you would give a present with _your initials_ blatantly standing out? __ This present didn't just land here on the _very same day_ I start working with Kyle for absolutely no reason, did it?" I was seething. If it were possible to have steam coming out of my ears, the room would have been muggy.

"Poppet, calm down. I wanted you to wear something that's from me. I commissioned it a day before you told me about your job. Is it possible that I wanted Kyle to stay back? Yes, I do. Do you ever plan on telling him?" his placid tone irked me somehow.

"I'll tell him, but not yet. It's too early for him. He barely just got here. I'm not going to risk the possibility of him spiraling out of control again." Why was he pushing the issue? I would tell Kyle in a month or so... _I think_.

"It's too early for him or _for you,_ Sienna?" I stopped breathing from his tone of voice; he was controlling his own anger, though only barely. There was some noise in the background. "Mi amor, we have to go soon or we'll be late!" the accented voice of a woman spoke in the background. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

"WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?" I yelled when I heard him speak to the woman, but I couldn't make out what was being said. My eyes started to water. _Was he cheating on me?_

"Oh, so now you pay rapt attention to me. I see how this is going, Sienna."

"Blake, are you seeing someone else? You have to tell me!" My voice cracked in pain.

"Why? So you can go back to Matthews again? Do as you wish, Sienna. I have to be somewhere important. I'll speak to you later." He hung up without even saying goodbye.

Less than an hour ago, I had been basking in Blake's sweet sentiments. How the heck had it unfolded like this? Okay, maybe I had over-reacted a little bit there. I shrugged it off. There was no point dwelling and crying. I had to meet Kyle in three hours and start work. I'd just have to busy myself and not think of Blake for now. I would deal with my emotions tonight.

In a little over an hour, I was ready to go and I still had an hour and half to kill. I went to my drawer and pulled the card and key Marie had given me out. I'd just surprise Kyle with my punctuality.

Since we were checking out rock bands tonight, I had to look the part... well sort of. I let my hair down, put on heavy eyeliner winged at both corners, lots of mascara and rose pink lipstick. I chose a hot pink, Hervé Léger bandage top, leaving my back purely bare, and black-fitted jeans that accentuated my butt nicely with hot-pink suede pumps.

I made a last jaunt to the full-length mirror to assess everything and, suffice to say, I looked pretty hot.

_Suck it, Blake!_

Placing all the essentials in my black clutch, I headed out the door.

# Chapter 28

I let out a slow whistle when the cab dropped me off at the address I'd given him. When Marie said "company apartment" I thought of an actual apartment, not a gated Victorian home.

I took out the card Marie gave me and punched in the code on the keypad attached to the wall. I heard a little metal screech and the gate opened slowly. _Was Kyle even home?_ I had acted out of impulse and had totally forgotten to call to see if he was there or not.

When I got a little closer to the door, I heard loud music streaming from the window upstairs. Jeff Buckley, yep, he was home.

Fishing out the spare key, I opened the door. The home was decorated in black, white and silver splendor and the effect was gorgeous—a little cold—but still chic and gorgeous. I found the stairs on the left side corner and went to go hunt down Kyle. The music came from the room at the end of the hall that I assumed was the master bedroom.

I stopped outside the black door and knocked, but no one answered. Clearing my throat loudly, I let myself in. The room was decorated in baroque contemporary with accents of sapphire-colored designs. My eyes landed on the table next to where Kyle slept. My breath caught when I picked up a nine by twelve picture of us. The picture was taken a year ago. We were at Zuma beach watching the sunset. I sat in between his legs and took a bunch of shots. I was looking straight into the camera as he kissed me, smiling. What bothered me was the fact that I was glowing with such happiness; it was the look of love. I placed it back slowly as I jumped from my name being called out.

"Sienna?"

I turned around and was shocked. Kyle had beads of water dripping down his body with only a black towel draping his lower half.

_Oh! Fuck. Me._

_Shit! Why, oh why did I put myself in this position?_ My heart thudded like mad as the memories of that night in Santa Monica flashed through my mind. I stood there, frozen, and couldn't utter a damn word.

"Can I just say that, that top does your back incredible justice? You look so hot! I have my work cut-out for me tonight if the musicians start clawing you, baby." He strolled to where I stood and his freshly showered smell engulfed my senses.

"I had time to kill so I decided to stop by and use the key your mom gave me. I hope that's okay?" I mumbled, distractedly.

"Baby, you're not serious! Of course, it's okay; we're practically family." _What did he mean by that? Was it because we grew up together or because we agreed to get married at the age of twenty-seven?_ "I've never seen you with this much eyeliner, but it looks good on you; very edgy and downright sexy as hell."

"Would it be too much to ask if you could put some clothes on?" I asked as I stared at his bright hazel eyes.

"Too many memories for you, baby?" I shook my head. "We both know you're lying, though I'm going to let that slide."

"Thanks. What's with the picture frame? Why did you bring it here?" His eyes darkened as he leaned closer, his mouth against my ear. His chest was pushed against mine.

"Because we were happy. Because we were so in love and the thought of losing you left a big hole in my heart. I needed a constant reminder—something to believe in—that we're going to get back together. We were extremely happy and perfect for each other. It'll dawn on you someday that you are meant to be with me... and, when that time comes, I'll be here... waiting for you." His eyes had a little moisture in them. _Oh, Kyle._ _Please don't do this. Not tonight._ I wiped the corners of his eyes and he smiled widely. "Did I tell you how much I love you today?" _Am I forever doomed to be pulled back and forth?_

"Kyle, you know how I feel about this. I already told you, please, seeing you like this... tears me inside. It was so much easier when you had Brooke. I didn't have to dwell on it much."

"I know, baby. No worries, as I said, I love you and I'll wait. However long it takes until you want me back."

_Jesus, this has got to stop._ "What if that never happens? What then?"

"I know what I want. I'll take my chances."

"Whatever."

He gave me a quick kiss and left to go change.

The venue was on Chalk Farm Road and Kyle ushered me in with a tight grip on my waist to an empty booth. As soon as we sat down, he excused himself to go to the bar to order some drinks. I guess part of the job was drinking, having fun and skillful negotiating abilities.

I hoped his binge drinking days wouldn't affect him being around alcohol and drugs. The music industry was famous for that.

After that dreadful scene in his bedroom, he acted like nothing happened and I silently thanked him. We ended up ordering pizza and discussed the band that was playing tonight. The Cold Conflict was the band's name. We listened to their recorded songs earlier and I was impressed. They sounded like Lifehouse and Jeff Buckley put together and I was actually super excited to see them play tonight. _How great is this job?_ Kyle was going to talk to them after their set and hopefully sign them on at the end of the night.

The place was starting to get packed when we arrived. I guess the band was going on very soon. I checked my phone and was surprised I had five missed calls from Blake. _Call him back or ignore? Do I really want to spend the next few hours wondering?_

Pressing the call button, the other end started to ring. The place was starting to get noisy so I had to duck a little bit lower. I didn't want to go outside since I was technically working and I didn't want to take advantage of the fact that Kyle probably wouldn't mind if I did take the call outside.

"Sienna, thank you for calling me back! I got worried when you didn't pick up my calls." The relief was evident in his voice and my stomach got the usual flip-flop from hearing it.

"Yeah, um... do you mind if we talk later? It's getting really noisy in here."

Of course, Kyle's timing was perfect as he slid into the booth and glued himself next to me. "Who are you talking to, baby?" he yelled against my ear, loud enough for Blake to hear. The violent growl I heard at the other end of the phone made me flinch.

_Fuck-fuckity-fuck._

"Baby, who's that?"

I gave Kyle a death stare. "I'm talking to Blake."

"Tell him I said hi. TCC will be on shortly; you should call him back later when we're done," he shouted over the growing noise.

" _Sienna, if you hang up_ IT'S OVER!" Blake said with a snarl, but it cracked at the end.

_Is he going to be this jealous all the time? We've been fighting non-stop._

"Listen, Blake, I'll speak to you later, okay? The band's about to start. Bye." I ended the call without hearing his reply because I might have cracked from the pain it would have caused me.

TCC started to set-up. They were tuning and adjusting their instruments. The front man introduced himself as Will and thanked everyone for coming out tonight before they started playing. After a couple of songs, my phone vibrated.

_Message received from Blake Knightly,_ it said.

I opened the text and a picture downloaded. It was a picture of a beautiful woman. She had ebony hair and arched brows, creamy skin and striking blue eyes with a complimenting, seductive smile. Her pose was purely inviting to the person taking the picture; Blake. She had a red silk gown on that flaunted her boobs. The formal outdoor setting in the background suggested that they were at an event.

_Who is this woman? Did she work for him?_ My hands shook violently as I read the message attached at the bottom.

Blake: _I guess we can both have fun tonight. How about it, Sienna? She already said yes. She's always willing and eager to be serviced by the boss._

_No, no, no, no, no._ My head spun. I felt sick.

I excused myself from Kyle who was giving his undivided attention to the band. He asked where I was going and I pointed at the restroom sign.

The bathroom was empty. I stood in front of the mirror for ten minutes just staring at my reflection. My mouth wobbled, yet I did not and would not cry. The message tore me to pieces, but I had the rest of the night to hold it together. If he wanted to fuck another woman, then I couldn't stop him.

_Good riddance, over-indulgent playboy!_

A hysterical laugh bubbled out of me. Funny how it was just this morning he said he worshipped me in that damn card? I clasped my hands on the sink, my head bowed. I chanted in my head:

_Breathe. Clear your head. Focus._

_Breathe. Clear your head. Focus._

_Breathe. Clear your head. Focus._

After twenty minutes in the bathroom, I decided to go back to the table before Kyle started looking for me. When he saw me, he gave me a thumbs-up and I smiled at him. The first set ended and Kyle gestured that he'd go meet the band and bring them around to the table.

I smiled at the platinum Patron sitting on the table. Bless the man who still knew my drink! I poured myself a double shot and cringed lovingly when I sucked the lemon slice.

_Work face, on,_ I commanded myself to function. _Smile. They're heading over._

It was a difficult thing to do, especially when my heart was breaking, however this was work. Not only would it be unprofessional of me to break down and cry, it would also reflect badly on Kyle.

Yeah, it was horrible, but this was life.

# Chapter 29

The band consisted of five rowdy men. They introduced themselves as Spike, Roger, Brandon, AJ and Will. Will immediately slid next to me and AJ on the other side, the rest filled in, leaving Kyle sitting on the right end.

The guys were fun to be around and, in the span of five minutes, we were all sharing jokes and laughing out loud. Everyone helped themselves to the drinks on the table. After Kyle noticed they were settling in, he shifted the conversation to business. He broke down the benefits of signing with them and the advantages and opportunities M.A.T.T. Music could provide. The guys each had their own sets of questions and Kyle responded to each one with great detail. Kyle was pretty amazing in action. I didn't know why it never occurred to me to follow him around when he worked back in LA.

"So Sienna, where do you come into the picture?" Will suggestively asked.

"I'll be helping with correspondence between your lawyers and managers and confirming bookings for gigs and shows... the usual lot."

"I like that! I like knowing that we have you on the team," he said, winking at me.

_What's with men and their constant flirting, seriously?_

"Hey! We're up for the second set in five," AJ, who had thick eyeliner on, announced to the group. They grumbled and slid off the booth.

"Save a dance for me later?" Will asked in a hushed tone.

"Sure," I murmured.

Will winked at me before he took over the microphone.

"Did he just wink at you?" Kyle's disbelieving face made me laugh.

"I don't advise mixing business with pleasure, Sienna." _Yes, sir!_

"I won't. No need to worry about that."

My purse taunted me, but I wasn't going to check it, just in case there were more pictures waiting to be opened.

I poured myself a couple more shots before TCC ended their second-set. Everyone applauded and hollered at them. They were pretty great.

The music changed into upbeat dance music and people started to fill the tiny space that was the dance floor. Will came over immediately after exiting the stage and we both agreed we'd take a shot before dancing.

Dancing with him was lively and entertaining. I was having so much fun that we ended up dancing to three songs. When we got back to the table, the men agreed to sign, but needed their manager to speak to Kyle about money. Kyle was ecstatic and promised to call their manager the next morning and hopefully, by Monday, the contract would be drafted, if all went according to plan.

With business out of the way, everyone relaxed. Kyle excused both of us with the reason of "work" and needing to talk outside.

My lungs happily welcomed the fresh air. I was tipsy and buzzing quite nicely, just what I needed.

Kyle pulled me to the other side of the building that had fewer people chatting and hanging about. "You okay, baby?" He caressed my cheek softly.

"Yep, I'm stupendous!" He pulled my body closer to him and his warmth felt comforting.

_You've really lost your marbles._ I closed my eyes, feeling the hot, coursing effect of the alcohol in my body.

_Blake. Blake. Blake._

My mind was fighting the images of Blake and the woman flashing in my head.

Kyle captured my mouth softly. His kiss was gentle and not fevered or demanding like Blake's. I sighed softly as Kyle's smell penetrated my nostrils. It reminded me of high school, the beach and yesteryears.

He closed in on me and pushed me gently against the wall. He cupped my breast and squeezed it. That instantly made me snap my eyes open. _Don't do this to yourself. Walk away before it gets messier._

_Think. Brain. Think._

I placed a hand on Kyle's chest. "I can't do this with you right now. I'm sorry. We'll talk about it soon, but not tonight."

"Does it have anything to do with Blake?" he hissed. He was grinding his teeth so loudly it made me cringe.

"Possibly. I'll call you, okay? I'm going to go home. I don't feel too well."

I kissed him on the cheek before he pulled me to him, gave me a tight hug and told me again how much he loved me. He wanted to get me a cab, but I convinced him I needed a minute or two to clear my head. He finally agreed and went back inside where TCC was waiting for him to party with them.

Leaning against the building, I closed my eyes. _How about I just go home and wallow? Maybe I can drink myself to sleep then I wouldn't have to think at all._

"Sienna, is that you? It _is_ you; what's wrong? Did that man do something to get you upset?" My eyes flickered to life, looking for the owner of that voice. It didn't sound familiar to me.

"It's Troy, from Chad's photo shoot Thursday." Oh, yeah.

"Hey! Fancy seeing you here! And no that man didn't get me upset, there's just so much going on with life, that's all." I looked down and studied my black lacquered nails.

"Let's get you some good food then you can spill your problems, deal?"

Boy, that made me smile. "You're crazy! Go back to your friends, Troy."

"I'm not leaving you when you're sad. Let's walk to the place. It's only a couple of blocks and you can make a decision then, if you want to go in or not. How's that sound?"

"Okay, deal." _He doesn't even know me and yet he's willing to listen to my problems? That's odd and unexpectedly very sweet of him._

We were both consumed with our own thoughts as we walked. He stopped outside a pub, hands in his pockets. "What's it going to be, Sienna?

"What the hell. I don't want go home this early anyway."

We ordered hamburger sliders, fish and chips, beer for him and a margarita for me. I didn't realize how hungry I was until after the food was set on the table. We talked, ate a bit, drank some and talked some more.

I learned that he was recently divorced; six months ago. His wife cheated and he caught them in action in their marital home. _He's probably still hurting too. Being cheated on can be traumatizing; not to mention the big dent something like that puts in your ego and self-esteem._

Since he spilled his own secrets, I spilled mine. I gave him the cutout edition of Kyle cheating, Blake sweeping in, Kyle moving, Blake going ballistic and the beat went on.

"Do what makes you happy, Sienna. No one knows what that is except you."

"I know." I smiled, nudging him lightly on the arm.

Before I knew it, the time was hitting half past one. He insisted on taking me home since I had drunk three more margaritas.

We took a cab back to my flat. He asked the driver to wait for a few minutes. He insisted that he see me to my apartment door, not the building entrance. We rode the elevator silently and I checked him out for the first time that night. He was wearing a leather jacket with jeans and he was very good-looking. Why did his wife have to screw around? He was one of the good guys.

Stepping out the elevator, we stopped outside my door as I fished for my keys. "Thank you for tonight. You really made my night. When you're feeling down and out, I'll take you out for beer, fish and chips and sliders to make you feel better." He chuckled softly.

I slid the key in the lock and opened the door. He handed me his phone.

"Program your digits, in case I take you up on that offer."

I stifled a laugh as I punched my information in. I put my name down as 'Sexiness is Sienna' and we both laughed when he saw what I did.

He kissed my cheek softly and left.

# Chapter 30

My throat was dry and I was absolutely parched, the wonderful effects of alcohol. _Oh heck!_ It was dark and I was too drunk to flick the switch.

_Water. I need water._ I staggered to the kitchn and poured myself a tall glass of agua. My phone vibrated. _Oh, hell_. I went to flick the light switch in the kitchen as I located my phone.

Kyle.

Grudgingly, I took the call. "Hello?"

"Did you get home safe? Why did it take you this long to pick up?"

Honestly, I was not in the mood to explain anything. "Sorry to make you worry, buster, but I just got home."

"What, just _right now?_ Where the heck have you been?"

"Out with a friend. Listen, I'll call you tomorrow. Sleep. Going to sleep now. Peace," I mumbled.

_Who explains when they're drunk, anyway? Hangover's going to be a bee-otch tomorrow._

I swallowed the rest of my water and slammed the glass down on the counter.

"Having the time of your life?" A deep voice came from somewhere in the blackened section of the living room.

I jumped, shrieking as the shadow came out of the darkened room.

Blake.

_Oh, for the love of God!_ Did he have to come here wearing his tux? He looked like what dreams were made of... and that woman had probably enjoyed him quite thoroughly, too. The thought made me want to puke.

"For crying out loud, what is it with you brooding and scaring people out of their wits? How long have you been waiting?"

"I've been here for about three hours waiting for you to get home. Who was the man outside the door? He's British, certainly, not Matthews," said the observant man.

_Where does he get the nerve to just barge in here after what he put me through before?_

"None of your business," I said deadpanned and turned to flee, wanting the security of my room. Blake yanked me back by my arm and cornered me at the kitchen counter. _Oh my, he smells extra delicious tonight._ My drunken body was already betraying me. _Fuckin' A!_

"What the hell are you wearing? Do you see how bare your back _is_?"

"WHO CARES ANYMORE? Go back to where you came from and LEAVE ME ALONE," I screeched at him while trying to free my arm from his titanium-like hold.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no?' Go back to that wretched woman in the picture you sent me. Go fuck each other's brains out until you both can't walk anymore. _I. Don't. Care!_ "

"What did you _do_ with that man, Sienna?" I stared him down, not willing to answer his question. "Fucking answer me!"

I kept still. I wasn't going to. That picture and message he'd sent earlier wreaked havoc in my thoughts. Images of him kissing her and touching her body the way he did mine caused my stomach to free-fall.

_I'm too drunk to be doing this._

I was so drained from all the drama that was disrupting my life my sanity teetered at the edge of a cliff.

When I tried to pull my hand away again, he let me go. I sprinted to my room and sat on the bed, slightly shaken. _Why did he have to show up here? To continue this farce after he slept with someone else?_ My lips wobbled. I bit them—hard—until I tasted blood.

I felt him watching me from the doorway. He was at the foot of my bed in a few strides, lowering himself and sitting on his heels. He placed his hands on my knees.

I was speechless as I watched the man, shivering.

" _Please..._ " Blake whispered. His voice heavy, anguished. With one word, all of my erected barriers fell apart.

My mind boggled with everything that happened. "Explain that message."

If it were another man, I would've just shut the door on his face. He never failed to get under my skin, past my defenses. He knocked them down until I was barefaced and unmasked.

"That was immature; I admit that. It was wrong of me to inflict the kind of pain you associate with your ex, but I couldn't stop the thoughts of you with him. When I heard his voice in the background; it pulled the trigger. I was livid, delirious, unhinged with anger. I slept with Amelia a few months ago—" My heart _literally_ stopped beating. _Oh, no. Don't do this to me_. I tried to move, but he was like steel, holding me in place. I was stuck facing him. "I haven't touched another woman since you became mine. _I swear on my dead parents,_ I would never— _ever_ —do that to you. You make me so happy; I get paranoid thinking that I'll lose you to someone else. It's terrifying. Forgive my offenses, my weaknesses, my failings, my flaws. I only want to be with you."

I jerked his arm and lightly shook him. "Promise me, you won't hurt me that way again. I don't think I can get past it and forgive you if you do." He got up and sat next to me and pulled me in his lap, cradling my body.

"I give you my word. I promise it won't happen again. Today's been hell and I couldn't go through it anymore without seeing you. I left the event an hour after I got there and flew straight to you. I'm glad that I did. I'm sorry, poppet..." I placed my hands on the back of his skull and pulled his lips to mine.

The boiling, fevered kisses that I yearned for so many days turned into reality; and boy, were they better. I'd never hungered for any other man like this. His kiss lit me on fire. My body couldn't get enough of him. I shifted, straddling his hips and rubbing myself on him as our kisses became violent and uncontrollable.

_Blake... show me... need me... love me..._ my thoughts spun as we groaned together. He ground my hips tightly against his. My body was freefalling into the abyss as his hands became urgent. I wrenched my hands from the back of his head and tugged the ends of my fitted bandage top.

"I want... more..." I didn't know what I meant by that, my emotions were all over the place. _Since when did I want more?_

We took off our clothes in haste until we were skin to skin. Every touch made me weaken. He circled my waist and lowered me on the sheets, his body covering mine. The room was dark, but the streaks of light through the windows showed enough for me to clearly see his body.

Our faces were inches apart as we stared at each other. By the way we were looking at one another, one could tell there was something going on. I couldn't speak. I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth and I didn't think I was ready to commit myself that quickly, but at the same time, I couldn't seem to control how I reacted to him.

_I can't fall for him. It will end me._ However I had; I loved him already, and I needed to __ stop denying it _._ My thoughts rammed into realization. _I love him and I didn't even know I was falling in love._

His impassioned eyes zeroed in on mine.

_Fuck! Don't let him see it. Please._

"Sienna..." Blake said in a husky voice. What bothered me was how he said my name; it was loaded with meaning.

He kissed me slowly and passionately. Gone was the man who wanted me with wild abandon. Gone was the man who handled me roughly like a savage animal that couldn't survive if he didn't get inside me any sooner. The man tonight was soft and gentle. His fevered kisses remained intense, but were soft, unguarded. He kissed my body with thorough tenderness and when his tongue touched my slick folds; his eyes never left my face as I came apart in his mouth. He took his time as he kissed my stomach and slowly made his way to my breasts, fondling, sucking, and biting.

With his body ensconced over mine, he kissed me with pure yearning and honesty. My mind shut down and I let my body speak to him as I linked my arms around his neck, my legs hooking behind his back, drawing his body closer.

He broke off the kiss. Our eyes fixated on each other. His drew me in and I couldn't look away as I felt his cock gently hover over my opening. He never looked away as he coaxed himself gently inside me. He watched me gasp as he filled me to my core, kissing me tenderly as he slipped in and out of me with unhurried focus.

_He's making love to me_. My eyes burned as I got choked up with emotion.

_Blake... I love you..._ I whispered in my head.

I was kissing him lovingly, baring my soul to him. My hands held his ass cheeks, my nails digging into his skin. He went deeper and I moaned against his lips. His pace started to increase as I lifted my hips, meeting his thrusts. He pulled away from my kisses as his eyes bore into me, watching my frenzied response to him as he took my body to another level of ecstasy.

I was panting and running out of breath. I felt my stomach tightening and clenching, readying for an orgasm. His body started to tense as he began a swifter pace. His teeth found my neck and bit it. I yelled out his name as my orgasm rocked my body off its foundation. His heavy breathing was hot on my ear as his hands gripped my hips, grounding them into place, as his body demanded its own release. He said my name with a guttural growl deep in his throat as his body tensely. I felt his cock twitch and then the gush of his semen filled me. His lips found mine again and kissed me tenderly; my heart contracted. He pulled out of me and gathered me close to him. I was spent and exhausted from the intense lovemaking.

My breathing started to even out and my eyes fluttered closed. His heartbeat was beating wildly against my back as he tightened his hold on me, kissing the back of my neck. "I love you," he whispered against my ear.

I squeezed my eyes tighter. _I love you, too..._

His bare admission tore my insides. I evened out my breathing, pretending I was asleep.

I woke up with a start when I felt the cold air hit my back. I rolled to the other side, reaching for him. I hugged his body from behind. I nuzzled the back of his neck, inhaling his scent like a starved woman. _I love him..._

My hand trailed over his broad shoulders and down to his abdomen. The ridges of his six-pack, toned abs teased my fingers. My hand moved lower and found his semi-hard penis. _Damn, even asleep his cock is huge._ I stroked him gently as it started to come to life from my hasty ministrations.

I smiled. _Well, hello, bad boy._

I gently turned him on his back as a soft sigh came from his lips, he was obviously still asleep. I smiled devilishly as I stared at his glorious body. _I want him... and I'll be damned if I have to wait for him... my aroused state can't wait for him any longer._

I took him in my mouth, teasing him with my tongue and, at the same time, bringing it to the back of my throat with determined suction. He moaned. I sucked him until his cock was rigid with throbbing need. I moved my body so that I was over his hips and straddled him, guiding his cock with my hand and coaxing it slowly inside me. I moaned with satisfaction, _my God, he feels so good_. I recoiled slowly as my insides adjusted to his size. This position made the filling penetration mind-blowing and grippingly intense. I moved slowly at first, my stomach quivering from the intensified strokes of his penis inside me.

My palm sat on his chest to balance me as the other cupped my breast. The heightened carnal intensity drove me to ride him harder. I felt his hand pinch my nipples and I growled with delight.

"Take what's yours, my love," Blake ordered, husky and aroused after my ministrations, making me even more crazed and hungry.

_I want it all._

Leaning back and placing my hands on his thighs, I rode his cock with fervent need. My mind shut down as my body convulsed around him. I yelped out his name softly as I recovered from my climax. He held me down as he ejaculated.

Lifting my head off his chest, I stared at his delighted face. "Fuck that was amazing. You're one hell of rider, poppet."

I laughed huskily as lay down next to him and nuzzled the crook of his neck. "You're welcome."

"I thought I had died and gone to Heaven when I woke up to you moaning with your eyes closed, enjoying my cock for your own greedy pleasure."

"I can't seem to get enough of you... I don't think I ever will," I admitted softly against his neck, my eyes heavy with exhaustion.

"As do I, my love, as do I," his sleepy voice murmured.

# Chapter 31

It had been almost five weeks since I last saw Blake, but we kept each other updated with everything. I was soaring high because our relationship was growing steadily and I loved him a little bit more every single day. I hadn't told him how I felt. I wasn't ready for that yet. It would be hard to take it back once I told him and I didn't want it to be held against me.

The morning after Blake left for New York, I met up with Chad and Troy for the shoot. It lasted around five hours and even though I was only wearing skimpy underwear, Troy made me feel at ease as we laughed and joked around. Though there were times in the shoot where his eyes became stormy when I draped my body over his or when he groaned as my nipples touched his chest. He was hot, to be sure; who wouldn't be attracted to an extremely hot man like him? But I didn't let this bother me because I knew, deep down, there was only one man I wanted.

I eased Blake's doubt by wearing his bracelet and convincing him that I didn't want anyone else. Kyle warily eyed the bracelet, but never asked about it. He knew I was dating Blake and I was grateful that he never asked and didn't push the issue. Our friendship strengthened over the weeks and I felt like we were almost back to where we were before. Almost.

I hadn't seen Chad since the last shoot. He'd been busy preparing for his show. My time was consumed with school and working with Kyle. Luce and I barely caught up with our lives since school demanded a lot of her time with projects and applying for internships.

Today, Blake would be arriving from New York and I couldn't wait to see him. He was scheduled to arrive late in the afternoon so we'd see each other at Chad's exhibition on King's Road. I'd primed my body for this long awaited reunion and I couldn't wait to get him alone. I'd been scouring the shops for a perfect dress for the last week. I hoped I got the reaction I was aiming for.

My hair was in a high ponytail. I applied make-up carefully with light eye shadow and thick eyeliner winged on the both ends. I then swiped two coats of mascara on both my upper and lower lashes, making my eyes look a fiery, piercing golden green. I highlighted my cheeks with bronzer and finished it with candy pink colored lipstick, dabbing lip-gloss on my bottom lip and puckering to get the full effect.

I went over to my bed and took the nude, designer, bandage dress that fitted my body like a glove; leaving little to the imagination. It was short, maybe a few inches below my butt and the top part pushed my breasts up, giving me a hefty amount of cleavage. I slipped on my nude designer Rolando pumps and skimmed over my appearance in the full-length mirror _. I look good_ , I thought as I admired how the dress showed off and complimented my figure. I wanted Blake's eyes to pop out of their sockets when he got a glimpse of me.

There was a soft knock at the door indicating Kyle's presence. Grabbing my clutch purse, I headed out to meet him.

"Coming," I called out as I closed the door behind me.

His face looked dumbstruck as he stared at me. I smirked as his eyes took me in. _Hopefully, I will get that same reaction from Blake._ "Goddamn, baby. You look like a piece of Heaven."

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the elevator. "Let's get moving, lover boy; I don't want to be late or Chad will cook us for dinner."

We were five minutes away from King's Road as the cab weaved through the traffic. I fidgeted uneasily in my seat. _Which images did Chad choose?_ He'll have fifty portraits up for display, but said he needed twelve from our shoot and the rest was filled with his other models. _What if they look stupid and awkward?_

I grunted my frustrations. Kyle reached out for my hand, clasped it with his and placed it on his lap. "Baby, it's going to be fine. You're worrying for nothing," he assured, smiling brightly as he kissed my hand. The cab stopped outside the gallery.

My heart was in my throat and I was anxious to see the images Chad chose.

We entered the building and a uniformed waiter with champagne flutes greeted us. I took two flutes and gulped them, one after the other, like they were water _. Okay, now I'm better_. Kyle shook his head in amusement.

I looked around me and saw Chad's perfect artistry at its best. _Wow, that friend of mine is hella gifted_. One of the images was of a woman at the repair shop as she posed provocatively, bare-naked. Another was of a man and a woman on the hood of the car making love in a cemetery. My eyes took in the portraits. An image of a woman holding a guitar looked captivating. Another image was of a woman with two men posing illicitly against each other, but it was done in a way that provoked sexual thoughts and yet, pulled off the look of making it chic. I passed by them, feeling all hot and bothered as people gathered in admiration.

It was sex, sex and more sex.

Sex blanketed the whole gallery as people buzzed about Chad's eye for beauty. As provocative as they were, he made the images look sophisticated somehow and not raunchy. He managed to capture that essence of the moment where you feel like you're there with them and you're watching them in the act. It was beautiful.

"Baby love, finally, you're here! What do you think?" Eyeing me, cautiously, gauging my reaction.

"Chad you're a genius! These are quite amazing! Tonight's your big break, baby! You had better not forget me when you go global." I hugged him tightly as my heart soared for him. I knew how long he'd been waiting for someone to acknowledge his work and after tonight, he'd be the toast of London.

"As if! There's no way a person can forget you, baby love. You have a way of making people remember you."

_Do I? Huh._

Smiling, I hugged his waist. "Who's all here? Luce and Toby?"

"She texted me a few minutes ago. She said they'd be here in ten to fifteen minutes, tops."

The gallery was filling up with a lot of artsy people. _Where are the portraits of me and Troy?_ I looked around for Kyle, but he was nowhere in sight.

"If you're looking for Kyle, he's at the encore of the show. Come, I'll show you." Holding my elbow with his hand, he guided me towards the end of the room and made a quick left. He showed me to another room, which was dimmer and darker. The only lighting came from the ceiling directly above each of the twelve portraits of Troy and me. My breath caught.

The images were impressively stunning. The woman in the picture was seductive, confident and in-charge of her world. I was rendered speechless.

Chad placed an arm around my shoulders. "Now do you see what everybody else sees, baby love? Never let the past dictate you. Don't berate yourself because you aren't tall enough or you don't have a slimmer figure. You're beautiful, _inside and out, scars and all_. I wanted these images to capture how I see you—how we all see you—so that you'll realize how special you are. You're a strong woman, love, no matter what life throws at you, you always come out braver than before. It's time to be free of the shackles because if you don't, the Browns win. _Look around you. This woman is bold and fearless._ "

I got choked up as I turned my body and hugged him with all of my heart. "Thank you," I whispered in a wobbly voice. He was such a good friend and I would always remember what he had done for me. I would never forget it.

"That's what friends are for. _Let's not ruin our make-up, hmmm?_ Go over to Kyle." He pointed to the far right corner. "I have to greet my other guests in the other room."

I nodded and whispered "I love you" as he kissed my forehead and whispered the same words back to me.

I went over to where Kyle was standing and staring intently at my image. I was on the bed with underwear on and my boobs were covered with only a drape of a black silk sheet. One leg was on the bed with the other leg slightly bent above it. Both of my arms were above my head, lips parted, as I stared provocatively at the camera. _Oh, that looks hot_!

Kyle was silent as he took in the image. I didn't say a word because he had a pained expression. _Odd, not the impression I would've thought it would provoke._

"That morning in Lake Tahoe, you looked exactly like this when I came out of the shower and I thought to myself, _how lucky am I?_ _I have a gorgeous woman who loves me to bits._ I felt blessed. Seeing this portrait makes me see what I had lost again."

Fuck, I didn't expect him to say that. That was the morning after we had made love for the first time. I remembered seeing him coming out of the shower and my heart had happily swelled at the sight of him.

_Fuck-fuckity-fuck._

This night was becoming an upheaval of emotions. Kyle's, I could do without. __ I felt shaky inside and I didn't know what to say to him, so I stayed quiet.

A squeal broke from another room. I smiled at Lucy's enthusiasm. I kindly excused myself to meet Lucy in the other room and he smiled sadly at me. _Fuck, Kyle. Don't do this to me_ , my eyes pleaded.

I gulped some air after I left the room. I found Luce and Toby talking animatedly with Chad. I went over to join them and we all gushed over Chad. He looked so happy and my heart contracted seeing him like that. A few people came over to get him, wanting to introduce him to some other guests. All three of us went to check out some other portraits. I chuckled throatily as I found Lucy's face flushed from the images before her.

"Sienna Richards," a booming, deep voice behind me announced. I turned and found Troy smiling elatedly.

"Troy! How are you?" I squealed from surprise. I hadn't seen him for a month and I was excited. I gave him a tight hug.

"Are you trying to give me a cardiac arrest? 'Cause you're about to accomplish that if you come any closer with that miniscule dress on." I reddened. _Holy guacamole! Was he flirting with me? That's a first._

"Cheeky tonight, aren't we?" I jested back at the handsome hunk of a man.

His gaze fell on Lucy and Toby who were watching the exchange with interest. "Hello, I'm Troy. Sienna's counterpart in the shoot." They all shook hands and Luce smiled brightly at the sight of him.

Troy looked like his usual hot self, scruffy and rugged with his well-worn jeans and black leather jacket. He had a tad bit of extra dangerous edge when he puts his hair in that tiny ponytail. _He's such a badass._ One time he arrived at Chad's on a Ducati 848, black on black motorcycle. I swooned then. _Hot_ guy and a _hot_ piece of motorcycle; totally too _HOT_ to handle!

When Toby and Troy started talking about football, Luce whispered in my ear. "He's quite a hot hunk, Sienna! He seems _too keen_ on you. Just be careful. Blake might not be too happy about that. You know how he gets." _Yes, I do know, but he has nothing to worry about. I love him... but he doesn't know that... yet._

"So, where are these infamous portraits of yours?" Toby asked and I pointed them to the other adjacent room. When they left, Troy moved closer with a smile that made his eyes dance. _Hmmm, what's he up to now?_

Amused, I had to ask, "What?"

Troy shook his head. "Your pictures were really great. Chad managed to capture your vulnerability and your sass at the same time. I actually asked him to print and send me all twelve portraits, in a smaller scale of course." _Get out of here! No way!_

"Why would you do that? You liked 'em that much?"

"You just sizzled and besides, we looked good together. The chemistry was palpable in those pictures," Troy said, looking me straight in the eye. My mouth ran dry. _No shit._ I remembered during the shoot, I would tremble from his extra close proximity. Or a moan would escape me when his breath reached my ear or when his chest grazed my nipples.

A waiter passed by and I turned around to get a flute of champagne. Sipping the champagne soothed my scattered nerves.

My back was turned to Troy. He came up behind me, almost touching, but not. I felt the heat of his body as his hot breath touched my ear. My eyes were glued to the champagne flute in my hand as his voice filtered through the music being played. "I want to see more of you. Think about it. You know my number." With that neck hair-raising encounter, Troy parted and joined his friends who gathered close to the entrance where there was a lounge area.

I blinked a few times. _What just happened? Did he just ask me out?_

_No shit, Sherlock._

Draining my drink, I went to look for my friends when a dark figure across the room stopped me in my tracks. I went over to him, but my excitement halted when I saw his scowl. "You came!" I stammered.

"Yes, I was invited if it escaped your notice." I deserved his cold treatment, but it didn't help lessen the pain that gnawed at my heart.

I went closer, cradling the sides of his face and kissing his beautiful, sexy mouth for a good minute and released him. _Ouch, he barely opened his mouth._ "You have no idea how much I've missed you," I told the man who had me on tenterhooks as I took in how handsome he looked in a dark grey suit. He thawed a little bit, just a _wee_ bit.

"Blake! Good to finally see you emerge from your tycoon lifestyle!"

"I wouldn't miss your debut, Chad. You should know better."

Touched by Blake's support for him, Chad held his hand close to his heart. "Thank you. You don't know how much your support means to me. Lover, would it be okay if I steal your girlfriend for a second? There's a bunch of people who want to meet her."

"Of course, as long as you don't let her out of your sight. Men are eyeing her like vultures ready to pounce." _Damn. Way to go, Blake._

Blake asked where my portraits were and Chad pointed to the room as he guided me to a group of artsy people chatting. They were painters and photographers, some independent and some who worked with famous magazines and celebrity portraits. It was an impressive group and I enjoyed our conversation. They wanted to know if I would model for them. I kindly told them that I'd think about it. After spending a good fifteen minutes with them, I excused myself to find Blake. I passed Lucy and Toby who were talking to another couple. Toby smiled, but Luce stopped me. "What's up?" I asked her.

"Blake and Kyle are having words. You should rush before they rip each other's heads off."

I was about to turn left when an angry looking Kyle sprinted by, almost knocking me over. "Baby, you okay? I didn't see you. I'm sorry." I held his arm as I looked at him questioningly. "I'm leaving. The show was great. You looked amazing, baby. See you Monday at the office, okay?" He gave my lips a peck and sprinted towards Chad.

I entered the dimly lit room and found Blake standing in the center of it, eyes staring blankly at a portrait of Troy and me. "Blake?" I touched his arm lightly. He took a hold of my arm and linked it to his, lightly tugging me, making me follow him out of the room. _Don't panic. We'll work it out._ _He said he loved me. He did, didn't he? So, why hasn't he said it again?_

Instead of turning right to go back to the main room, he kept going forward to where I presumed the offices were located. He dragged me to the last one on the right. Opening the door, he flicked the switch, closed the door and locked it. It was a decent sized office with a big desk and a leather couch sitting across from it with a coffee table that had magazines splayed neatly across.

I turned around to face him and saw he was leaning against the gray door, eyes closed, hands in his pocket and his nose flaring; a clear indicator that he was furious with me. _The portraits, of course_. I didn't want to argue about that. _I did it for Chad and I don't give a hoot if he's mad about it. I love him... I do, but he just can't bulldoze his way around me_.

"Sienna, this is not how I pictured my reunion with you after almost six weeks of not seeing each other. I'm being rotten, _I know_ , but I'm being eaten alive with jealousy. I can't think or breathe without pain. Was that the man who took you home the same night when you started working for Kyle?"

"Yes..." I admitted in a soft whisper.

"Did anything happen with you and this man? _Anything_ at all?"

I shook my head. "No, apart from the intimate poses, no. Not in that sense."

His eyes fluttered open; the intensity of liquid silver dominated his midnight blue eyes, the usual gold flecks gone. The constant shift of his eye color depended on his mood and I was frozen in awe. He was compellingly riveting and spellbinding to those around him. _Does he know the kind of power he has with his looks alone? Does he know he can make me fall at his feet with a smile? Or is it the fact that he can slice me in two with a mere glance?_

"Are you attracted to him?"

_Am I?_ I swallowed. He is hot, but enough to tempt me away from Blake? No, I didn't think there's a man out there who could. "Yes, he's good looking. Am I tempted? No. I only want you, Blake. I've only ever wanted you from the moment you kissed me. There's only one you and I'm not going to jeopardize us over asinine curiosity."

He moved past me and leaned slightly against the mahogany desk. "Come here," Blake commanded in a soft voice, but with an edge of something I couldn't pinpoint at the time. I did as he asked and stood before him, however he didn't even try to touch me. __ "Show me I'm the only one. _Prove it_."

_Prove it_ , he said. "Fine" and I would. I had been aching for him. If playing charades would get him to be inside me, then who was I to decline his request?

Slowly unbuckling his belt and his pants, I pulled his boxer briefs down all the way to his ankles. When his cock sprung free from the confines of his briefs, my insides melted from the sight of it and a flow of liquid oozed freely from my pussy. I knelt before him and took him in my mouth. His sharp indrawn of breath pleased me. I sucked his shaft all the way to the back of my throat and back out again; all the way to his engorged head, repeatedly.

His large hand pulled my hair and he rasped for me to stop. He commanded me to prop my elbows on the desk and to spread my legs open. I did. I felt him behind me as he pulled the ends of my dress and hiked it all the way above my butt. His finger traced the outline of the soft lace that covered my ass and then all the way to the front where he rubbed furiously.

" _You only get wet for me, Sienna?_ " His tone told me he was still angry.

" _Only_ you, Blake," I croaked as his finger drove me insane, my mind totally incapable of thinking.

"Are you lying to me?" _What the fuck?_ How many times did I have to tell this infuriating man?

"Why the hell would I lie to you? There's no one else I want more than _you_." It was so difficult to concentrate when his finger wouldn't stop rubbing me. I was trying with all my might to get it together.

A harsh sound came from him as he ripped my thong in two and flung it to the floor. He didn't tease his engorged head on my opening like he usually did; he just inserted himself with one powerful thrust and growled, " _Santo Cielo!_ I've been dreaming about your silk tightness for so long. Forgive me if I can't control myself. God help me, but I can't stop wanting you." He held my hips tighter and pounded me very hard. His force was titillating and I lifted my ass more so that he could get his fill. My invitation was awarded with another growl. He lifted me so we were both on our feet as he cupped my breasts and used them to fuck me harder.

" _Baby... you feel so good... don't stop..._ " I said in between moans. He bit the spot where my shoulder and neck connected. I yelped from the searing pain his teeth caused.

Blake pulled out and swiftly placed my limp body on the wide mahogany desk. Hooking my legs around his hips, he plunged inside me again. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was watching his cock pummel me and I had never seen a sexier look on his face. I groaned as he shifted his position and picked up his pace to a grinding speed.

"I only want you... only you..." I panted, out of breath.

His hands held my shoulders and both of his thumbs pressed firmly on my throat. His dominating position made the effect of his fucking even more powerful. "You belong to me. I'm taking what's mine." The pressure on my throat and the pressure from my groin put together simply combusted me. Multiple-orgasms quaked and vibrated my entire body as he poured his seed in my womb.

Blake pulled me gently to him as he placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "Thank you, my love. I needed that," said as he heavily panted against me.

_You can have me that way anytime. That was the best sex ever! Ever!_

I lovingly smiled at him. "No, _thank you!_ I love it when you're rough and unhinged. I enjoyed every second of it."

"Good to know because that was only the appetizer. I have more coming your way tonight." He gave me a wicked smile and at that moment, my heart convulsed with love.

_I love you..._

"Sounds like a plan, but for now, we have to get back before our friends start a search party for us."

I picked my ripped underwear up off the floor and was about to throw them in the waste bin when he took the decimated cloth from my hand. He bunched it up and placed it under his nose, inhaling my lingering scent.

_Oh. My. Goodness._

His dazzling god-like smile in place, he shoved my torn underwear in his breast pocket. "Just a token of this eventful night, _amore_." His toe-curling voice made me want to jump on him, but instead, I settled on his lips. _Amore_ , he said.

_Love._

The man did speak five languages, fluently.

# Chapter 32

We'd been seeing each other daily. Today was Thursday and he'd be leaving again Sunday. Long distance with Blake was such a bummer and since he was leaving soon, I'd decided to surprise him at one of the corporate offices in South Bank.

The idea came when I was walking out of my last class of the day. It was only three in the afternoon and I didn't feel like going home early so I hailed a passing cab. The high-rise glass building was magnificent.

I eyed the automatic glass door wearily. I wasn't exactly dressed appropriately for office visits. It was nearing the end of August and the weather had been chilly for the last few days, but today, the weather greeted me with warm rays of sunshine and I succumbed to the impulse of wearing this outfit. I was wearing a well-worn, short, denim skirt, white cami and dark brown cowboy boots with my hair down, finishing my look; a look of a college student no doubt _. Oh well, whatever. I want to see him; who cares what people think?_ I didn't wear much make-up today. Well, I didn't usually do much when I go to school. All I needed was tinted moisturizer, a dab of gloss and a few swipes of mascara.

_Should I call him first? Maybe not._ I wanted to surprise him. I was sure he was going be delighted to see me. Blake had been insatiable ever since he'd landed Saturday from New York.

Feeling optimistic, I strolled to the entrance. It was all glass and black marble tiles with a touch of chrome around the bank of elevators at the far-end of the building. I stopped and greeted one of the polished pretty receptionists; there were six of them. "Hello, I'm here to see Blake Knightly. Can you direct me to his office?" She stopped typing on her white Apple computer and glanced in my direction. The auburn hair, blue-eyed woman gave me a cold stare and mocked my outfit with her eyes. She almost laughed at me, but managed to stifle it. _Catty much?_

"And _who_ might you be? Do you have an appointment?" Her condescending attitude continued.

"I'm Sienna Richards. I don't have an appointment. This was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I'm one of his close friends."

" _Sure you are_. Give me a minute." With a few clicks, she spoke into her tiny headpiece and started typing. After a couple of minutes—but what felt like forever—she handed me a keycard pass with my name and pointed to the set of elevators. She instructed me to swipe the keycard on the scanner and it would take me to Blake's floor.

Her forced smile made me leave the reception area without even saying thanks. She certainly didn't deserve one. _Is that how they receive guests here? It's pretty scary._ It was worse than going to the dentist.

I was about to step inside one of the elevators when a woman stopped and faced me with a hateful smirk. I froze. It was the woman from the text message. The picture hadn't done her beauty justice. She was even more striking in person.

_"Yes?"_ Here I was, hoping my frosty attitude would send her away.

"You should stop this chasing that you're doing, _querida_. You will get hurt and you seem like a nice, pretty little girl." Her Spanish accent was evident.

"I'm not chasing anyone. I'm here to see my boyfriend. So, if you please, could you move out of my fucking way, _bruja!_ " _Hag._

The woman laughed like she had all the time in her little, whimsical world. She even had the gall to look amused. She was a bitch with a capital B. "You are a little spitfire, aren't you? No wonder my dear Blake can't get enough. He always loves it rough, wouldn't you say? But he won't be yours for long." Her wide, bitch smile was in place. "In less than four months, he'll be officially engaged, my dear." _Engaged? Blake? No, it can't be._ This woman was bluffing and plotting because she wanted Blake all to herself.

"Engaged to whom? Y _ou?_ Right, like I would believe anything that comes out of that salacious, poisonous mouth of yours." _What a lowlife. Doesn't she have anything else to do besides spewing lies and pestering others?_ She chuckled again in her stupid, annoying laugh. I was seriously tempted to punch the twilights out of her, but I didn't want to make a scene.

The women looked thoughtful for a moment before she spat her venom at me. "How I wish it was me. Papa and mama love him. The lucky lady was Camilla Clayworth. He's been engaged since he was eighteen. He didn't tell you, did he? Well, that's too bad. Well, it was great to meet you. Good luck!" She sauntered past me like she was up for Miss Universe. _Is it true? Is Blake really engaged? He never said anything. Well duh. Start moving and ask the man himself._

I did as instructed and scanned the keycard with a shaky hand and the elevator came to life. Floor after floor I went up. The light indicator on the panel was finally on the last floor before the 'P.' I was assuming that it stood for penthouse.

With a silent swoosh of the elevator doors I stepped out onto the carpeted floor. There was another model-type, blonde receptionist behind a desk. _Do all the receptionists in this building look like they just stepped out of Vogue? What kind of a discriminatory workplace is this? A very pretty one. It's a no brainer why men in suits gawk and pant with all these hot women around all day at work wearing tight-fitting suits. It was no wonder lawsuits are quite common in this arena._

"Ms. Richards? I'm Larissa. Why don't you take a seat while I page Luke? He should be here shortly to get you."

Murmuring my thanks, I turned and sat in one of the lounge chairs. I was surprised she wasn't hostile like the other hellcat in the lobby. Frankly, I was ready for another battle. _I might get my wish if this farcical innuendo turns out to be true._ I wasn't naïve enough to think that arranged marriages were abolished back in the medieval period. These things were quite common with the blue-blooded, upper-crust society. And Blake was one of them. I was sure his lineage could be traced as far back as before Christ.

Luke came to greet me before my butt had time to warm the seat cushion. He genuinely seemed happy to see me, but his mood didn't rub off on me. I was polite, but obviously it was strained. Who wouldn't be, given the situation?

"He's just finishing up a call, but he should be done soon." He opened a dark cherry oak door and I thanked him graciously.

Blake's office overlooked the River Thames and his executive black desk sat right in the middle of the room. He was on a call, but looked up when I entered and gave me one of his signature dashing smiles. I lamely waved back and strolled over to the far right floor-to-ceiling glass window and gloomily stared at the view below me. I was nervous and I had no idea how to bring the subject up. He looked happy to see me.

_If he is engaged... then I have to walk away. The big question is, can I leave him?_ Blake had become my life. I lived and breathed him. My love for him was so much more than the kind I had felt for Kyle. Blake consumed my soul.

I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that I didn't hear him coming. I was jolted back into reality when I felt his arms wrap around my waist. He kissed and nuzzled my neck before speaking. "When you walked through the door, I was just thinking about you. It's a good thing we read each other's minds so well."

Tilting my head so he could kiss me, I sighed with a heavy heart when our lips made contact. I kissed him like it was the last time. I kissed with my heart.

"Babe, can we talk?" My stern voice broke the spell.

"That sounds ominous. Why don't we go and sit, shall we?" He guided me towards the other section of the room where there was a sectional couch and a bar of refreshments. Neither of us sat on it. I stood behind one of the lounge chairs, anxious. He leaned against the bar and folded his arms.

"What is it? You're being odd."

"Are you—by any chance—engaged?" He froze in shock. His face horrified. _Oh, fuck!_

"Where did you get this information?"

"From a relevant source. Be honest with me. Is. It. True?"

He exhaled a defeated sigh and weaved a hand through his hair as his other hand squeezed the bridge of his nose. "A day before I turned eighteen, my grandfather summoned me to his study. He told me that the Clayworth wanted me to marry their daughter, Camilla. When he broke the news, I wasn't at all surprised. The Clayworths were very good friends with my parents. I grew up with Camilla and it was always spoken between our families that they wished it, when the time came. Camilla's lovely and I didn't have any qualms about being married to her, so I said yes with one condition. The condition was for them to wait until I was at the age of twenty-five. I didn't mean for you to find out this way; I'm so very sorry."

"Have you had sex with her?"

"She lost her virginity to me and on occasion, we would meet up and go somewhere for vacation. It's been our tradition ever since the agreement. It was our way of getting to know each other."

"You weren't planning to tell me, huh? I'm just your little plaything on the side until you get married. I'm a quick fuck for you. I get it. I see everything clearly now."

He rushed to my side and tried to hold my hand, but I bunched them together until they were white. I couldn't stand to be touched by him. "No, Sienna, it wasn't like that at all. I wanted you from the first moment. You've been my friend; don't do this. I'll fix it. I'll talk to the Clayworths."

"You are a liar. One of the things I asked of you is your honesty and yet from the very beginning, you were lying. How many women have you fucked while being with me? God! I'm so stupid!"

"I haven't had anyone, except for you."

"Right, like I should believe what comes out of those lying lips? Forget you. I'm done. Don't contact me because I'm through with you."

I was about to reach for the door when he held me down with his arms, wrapping my body like steel. "I'm sorry. I'll figure a way out; don't leave. I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time. Don't do this to us." I fought against his hold and he finally released me.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! _You love me?_ This is how you show you love someone?" my tears started falling freely. "The pain I feel right now—it's a hundred times worse than what Kyle ever did to me. This is your _love?_ Well, I DO NOT WANT IT! Give it to your fiancée _._ I'm sure she'll gladly take it, you lying sack of shit! I regret the day I let you in my life!" with that, I left and ran to the elevator.

My heart was beating frantically.

I didn't feel relieved until I was in the safety of a cab.

# Chapter 33

I was still in a state of shock. The whole scene flashed vividly in my mind. I ordered the driver to take me to a place where I could find some solace. I didn't want to be bothered with questions at home from Lucy.

I paid the cab driver and entered the house with my key. I was on autopilot as I headed for the stairs. When I reached the top, I saw Kyle come out of his bedroom. His huge grin turned into a questioning frown as he got closer.

"Sienna, what's wrong? What happened?" My knees buckled and Kyle caught me before I landed on the wooden floor.

"He's engaged, Kyle. I've fallen in love with a guy who's promised to someone else." I started to laugh hysterically at the situation. I reluctantly followed my heart and look where that left me. The dream of having Blake in my life—waking up next to him and seeing him smile lovingly at me—was gone. All gone and soon he'd be doing all those things with the wretched Camilla. That image hit me quite literally. I howled from the pain. I cried, like how I cried when I found out my dad had died.

Kyle held me until I stopped sobbing with my pain and gently carried me to his bed, covering my body with a comforter. He didn't even bother taking my shoes off. He placed himself on top of the comforter and held me as I cried myself into unconsciousness.

I woke up later feeling like I had drowned and been brought back to life. I checked the clock on the side table, five thirty-six a.m. I felt Kyle still holding me. Bless him, he never asked about what happened. It was always like that with him. I liked how he never asked and always waited for me to initiate it.

I was just about to slide off the bed when he stirred. "Hey, why don't you wash up and I'll make some breakfast? You didn't eat last night. You have to eat something."

Pursing my lips, I nodded. "Okay, let me just wash my face and brush my teeth then I'll come down."

Padding my way to the bathroom, I looked for a spare toothbrush and found one in the very last drawer. I didn't even bother checking what my face looked like. I knew my eyes were red and swollen. I just couldn't bear seeing it and looking myself in the eye. I just might have had a nervous breakdown.

After washing up, I took a scrunchy from my purse and tied my hair up then I headed downstairs, barefoot and in my same clothes from yesterday. _Kyle probably took my shoes off in the middle of the night._ I sighed.

I found him making two cups of coffee. There were two plates with ham and cheese omelets on the breakfast table. I took a seat as he placed a hot, freshly brewed coffee next to me. "Thank you, Kyle, but you didn't have to wake up this early and make me breakfast."

"You're talking crazy. That was nothing compared to your usual crazy PMS days."

I smiled. "Geez, why do you always bring that up? Either way; thank you." I took a huge sip of my coffee and a hefty bite of the omelet.

We were silent for a while until he spoke, "I'm actually leaving for Heathrow to go back to LA today, for two weeks. My flight's at ten-thirty. So I had to wake up anyway."

I paused. _He was leaving for two weeks?_ "You never said. Why didn't you say anything?"

"You've been busy with Blake since Saturday and I didn't want to bother you. It was irrelevant."

"How can that be irrelevant? You should've told me at least. I would've showed up at work Friday and found you gone. What the hell?"

Kyle shrugged. "I honestly didn't think it was a big deal. I just didn't want to bother you, 'kay?"

"Well, we're best friends. You should tell me every time you plan to leave the country. I worry, too."

"Fine, okay. I'll do that if it makes you happy."

I murmured thank you and took another sip of my coffee. I didn't have much of an appetite and I had to force myself to eat. Kyle wouldn't have it if I didn't eat and I couldn't deal with another argument at that point.

_Blake... was he hurting, too?_ Maybe, maybe not. I didn't know him anymore. I thought I had, but that simply wasn't the case. That mask he put on sometimes never came off. I never knew which one I'd get when I was with him. He could be deceiving. I had been dangerously playing with fire and I had gotten burnt.

Kyle took both of our plates to the sink and cleaned up. I got up and sat on one of the stools that faced him. "Hey, I was thinking... would you mind if I go home with you? I don't want to stay here. I just want to get away for a bit. I can email my teachers and tell them that there's an emergency back home."

" _You sure?_ You're not going to get in trouble? I know you're hurting, baby, but you can't mess up school. You've worked so hard to get here; don't mess it up. But, if your teachers are going to be okay with it, then who am I to stop you?" I went over to his side and gave him a big hug.

"Thank you! Thank you! Now, I have to go and pack. I don't want to miss our flight."

He called me a cab and we agreed that it would be easier for him to pick me up from the flat and we'd head to the airport from there. He'd pick me up around seven-thirty and it was already quarter past six. I technically had an hour to shower and pack.

The idea of going home with him came out of nowhere, but I was glad I thought of it because I couldn't stand staying here after the break-up. The thought of seeing Blake terrified me. The idea of seeing him with someone else so soon was definitely going to kill me. I knew I was running away from it all, but I wasn't strong enough to face any of my friends and explain the situation.

# Chapter 34

The ride from Kyle's house in Hampstead to Covent Garden took half the time than usual without traffic. I graciously thanked the driver and hurriedly entered the building. I quietly made my way into the apartment, not wanting to wake Lucy out of her sleep. I hunted for my luggage, unzipped it and lugged it onto the bed. I couldn't even look at the bed without seeing images of Blake and me making love on it.

_Shit, this is going to be difficult._

I felt like I was a walking, breathing dead person. There was a heavy-knotted feeling on my chest. Every time I breathed it hurt. It felt like someone had jammed my heart with a knife, pulled it out and left me open and bleeding.

I started taking off my clothes when I heard a knock on my door. I froze. _Shit, is that Blake?_

"May I come in?" Lucy's soft voice said against the door.

"Yep, come on in," I answered.

She walked in the room looking half awake and her eyes widened when she saw the luggage on my bed. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going back home with Kyle for a couple of weeks. I _need_ some space... away."

She sighed and sat next to my luggage. "Blake's been calling my phone every hour checking if you came home. He's going barmy and acting like a nutter. Haven't you checked your phone?" I shook my head. I didn't dare check it.

"Listen, I don't know why you guys broke up and I feel awful that you guys did; I love you both and I hate that it's come to this. He didn't want to talk about the reason why you guys did. Would it be okay if I tell him that you're home and you're safe? The man hasn't slept because he's been so worried."

"Yeah, that's fine," my small voice croaked a response. She got up and hugged me.

"If going back home will help, then go, but if you're not sure, then best you fix it with him; if there's a chance for you both. Just think about it, okay? I love you, my dear friend. I'll let Chad know later on today. Don't forget to let us know that you've arrived safely, all right?" She kissed my cheek and quietly left the room.

My eyes burned, but no tears formed. I guess I had run out of tears from all the excessive crying I had done last night. I jumped in the shower for ten minutes and got out to change.

Was there anything to contemplate with Blake? He lied. Technically, he hid the truth. He didn't man up and confess his little dirty secret. _Is the engagement his dirty little secret or I am? Now that I think about it, he never once asked me to accompany him to any of the events or galas he attended. Apart from our friends, he never invited me to meet other people he dealt business with._

_Fuck, this realization hurts._ I had always wondered, but I didn't dwell on it because I was just happy being with him. I didn't need all the bells and whistles. I only wanted him and I didn't care about all the lavish parties he went to. The joke was on me. He only used me for sex. His declaration of love was pure bullshit.

I hastily changed into black, stretchy-skinny jeans and a black, fitted shirt with black, wedge heels. I pulled my wet hair in a bun and rummaged through my closet and my essential toiletries. I jammed them all in the luggage without a care. I didn't even bother with make-up and settled for sheer lip-gloss instead. _Kyle should be here in five minutes. I had better get moving so I can meet him downstairs._

I found Luce in the kitchen, drinking her morning coffee. Poor thing, she looked like hell from lack of sleep. Blake was so inconsiderate to bother Lucy in the middle of the night like a psycho. I knew he was worried, but Luce needed her sleep. Her school was taking up a lot of her time as it was. I hated Blake even more when I got a glimpse of her dark circles. We said our quick goodbyes and I left for downstairs.

Dragging my luggage out of the elevator and straight out of the main door, I didn't see the person waiting for me. " _Sienna, please talk to me._ I've been out of my wits with worry since last night when you didn't come home." His eyes spied my luggage. "Going on a trip?"

"Yes, in fact, Kyle should be here any second. He's going back home for a while and I invited myself along."

"Why would you do that? You know how I feel about him. He's in love with you! He's going to take this opportunity and turn it in his favor."

"That would certainly be up to me, don't you think? Stop wasting your time."

"No, we can figure it out. I don't want to be with anyone else. I love you, Sienna, with everything that I am. I love you." _Liar, if he did... he would've ended his engagement before I even found out, but he didn't._

He raked a hand through his hair. Dammit, he looks beautiful and sexy as hell.

"Stop lying to yourself and _to me_. Game over, so you should drop the act—" He swiftly captured my lips and I reeled from the impact of his kiss. After a few times of trying to coax my lips into submission, I gave in to my lecherous body. _God, kissing him feels perfect... it feels like home._

_I love him so much, it hurts._ My tears fell freely and we both tasted them, but he didn't stop. With a deep, heavy, guttural growl, he pulled my lips away and cradled my cheeks with his hands. "Did that feel like a game to you?" I lowered my eyes and stared at his chest. " _Damn you!_ That kiss felt more real than anything else in this world. You love me! That kiss just proved that you do. I love you, too, Sienna. I can't live without you... will you marry me?"

I gasped and stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights as he got on a bended knee. He produced a ginormous rock. It was certainly more than fifteen carats. The ring was a princess-cut, canary diamond surrounded with smaller diamonds and had been designed in a halo pattern with diamonds surrounding the entire band; the eternity band.

"The color of the rock reminds me of the color of your eyes when they get caught with the sun, like liquid gold. I commissioned this ring to be made the day after I left for New York. That night, I knew you were _it_ for me. I don't want anyone else. I know everything's been unfolding so quickly, but I wanted—needed—you to know how much you mean to me. _I love you_ _wholeheartedly_. Will you please let me be the happiest man in all of England and say _yes_?"

I stared wide-eyed at the ring, back to his face and back to the ring again. Shocked didn't even begin to cover my reaction.

"Blake... I'm sorry... I can't."

He abruptly stood up and grabbed my face with a fierce scowl. "What do you mean you can't? How hard is it to say yes?"

"I can't. I'm sorry," I stammered through my tears.

"I see. I guess, I imagined that you felt the same way, but I suppose that's all it was, all in my imagination."

He heaved and turned to me with a stony face. "You'll regret this because I've only ever loved you and when you see me happy with another woman, you'll regret it even more. Your thoughts will be haunted by me; the one that got away. Goodbye, Sienna." He stood there for a few seconds before sliding in the Aston Martin, gunning the engine and rapidly vanishing through the traffic.

I wiped away my tears and exhaled a long sigh. I had done the right thing, I knew I had. _He lied. I can't trust him!_

Kyle's cologne penetrated the air, letting me know that he was close to me. "Did you see all of that?"

"I did. Sienna, you love him. And it hurts for me to say this, but what if you're making a mistake? Don't you think you should give it another shot?"

_What good would it be without trust?_ It was worthless without trust.

_How can one be happy with a liar? One who keeps secrets such as having a fucking fiancée?_ Even if I did give him another chance, I would be permanently living in a state of paranoia. I couldn't do that to myself.

I did the right thing; the best thing. It might not feel like it now, but it would be in the long run.

"No, let's leave it at that. We have to get going. I don't want to miss the flight."

I didn't let my thoughts wander to Blake's proposal until I was seated. I ached while I watched the fluffy, white clouds through the airplane window as I listened to "Lovesong" by Adele __ from my iPod.

What happened today was life changing for me. I didn't know if I would be able to get over it. The hurt and pain was rooted deeply inside of me. I didn't doubt that I would see him again; we did have common friends. It was simply inevitable.

I may be broken right now, but the next time I set foot in London, I would be a different woman. A much stronger one, I hoped.

One that men didn't trample on.

# Acknowledgments

I just want to say thanks to my family and friends who have pushed me to write and for being there to support me through it all. THANK YOU!

To my mom, thank you for being a constant rock through my ups and downs and always encouraging me to follow my dreams. You're the best! And I'm lucky to have a mom like you.

To all the readers, thank you for all the love and support. I greatly appreciate it!!!!

# Chasing Imperfection

book 2
Copyright © 2012 By Pamela Ann

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All Rights Reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Interior book design by

Bob Houston eBook Formatting
For those who struggled with love,

Lost with love,

**And succeeded with love.**

# Chapter 36

### blake

One month and two weeks later...

"Do you want any more cognac?" The dark-eyed Spanish beauty asked. Did I want any more cognac? _No. I'm already trashed as it is, but my mind keeps running away with thoughts of the woman who stole my heart, my soul._

"Sure," I murmured.

Her cat-like smile was plastered on her sensual face while she poured. I took a mouthful and loved the smooth burn of the expensive liquor. Her hand caressed the exposed spot on my chest where my shirt was unbuttoned. She was obviously trying to get my attention, but I chose to ignore her. She took my indifference as a green light and started to hastily undo my shirt.

_Hell, this woman is adamant._

She started to kiss my neck, chest and stomach. Her tongue lingered around the edge of my trousers. I just stared at her. Waiting to see how far she'd go to please me. Women were always this easy—they never say no—always willing to spread their legs wide open anytime, anyplace.

Well, with the exception of one.

_The one_ I wanted more than anything.

_The one_ I fell in love with but who walked away from me.

_Fuck,_ blasted karma. My head's been bombarded with thoughts of her—thoughts of her with that insipid man. My heart squeezed and I tasted acid in my mouth. _The hell with it! If she doesn't want me, then there are tons of women who are more than willing to accommodate me..._ like _this harlot trying to appease me and my moodiness_ , my thoughts provoked sourly.

I groaned as she undid my pants; I slightly lifted my hips so she could easily pull them down. She stroked my semi-hard cock as she sought my lips.

"No. There will be no kissing. I've emphasized that fact enough. If you're not happy with it—you know where the door is." I hissed at her. Her dark eyes widened in shock but she recovered from it after a few seconds.

_I don't give a fuck if she stays or not._

"Whatever you want _mi amor_ ," she purred as she lowered her head to capture the head of my shaft. I released a sigh and leaned back on the couch as she started to stroke it with her tongue.

Damn, why did I expect it to be like _hers_? Not only did she steal my heart, but she stole a bloody part of my sex life.

FUCK! Bloody Fuck!

How will I ever be satisfied with any other woman if she was the best I've ever had? She gave a mean head...and when she takes you—she gives it her all—and there is nowhere to go but to get sucked into her gripping abyss.

Most women aren't gifted, only some are. And let me _tell_ you—there aren't many of them out there. Some can be okay, some good, some great, but only a few will seriously blow your bloody fucking mind. Sienna was the bloody fucking package. And I loathe her more and more as the days go by.

This woman before me—was _a_ _fucking mediocre._

_Finally_ , the woman managed to get my dick up.

I pulled out my wallet and handed Maria Reyes a foil condom packet. I met her two days ago at a friend's party and she latched on to me like the leech that she is—but _I don't mind that, not at all_ —at least she was honest about what she's after.

Leaning back again on the couch, I closed my eyes and thought of Sienna. I heard Maria tear the foil packet and felt her gently roll the condom on my cock. She positioned herself and straddled me, then gently pressed her wet, greedy pussy on my cock.

A soft moan escaped my lips.

I imagined it was Sienna on me. I imagined the night I woke up from her fucking me _and_ that night during Chad's show in the office. _Hell_ , fucking her in the office was blatantly hot. She became even more frenzied when I held her neck while I fucked her some more. She didn't mind the choking—she just took it all. We wanted each other—in any imaginable way we could get it.

I gripped Maria's hips harder—feeling the intensity of my climax building and brewing inside. I pictured making love to Sienna— _her_ gasping face as I filled her— _her_ screaming my name— _her_ face as she orgasmed.

" _Fuck Sienna!_ " screaming her name as I came.

" _Bastardo!_ " Maria screeched as she climbed off me. _Not_ the first time this has happened. It happened the night I met her and every single time we fucked—which was _a lot_ in the last two days.

I shrugged when I heard the front door slam with a little quake.

Not my bloody fault if she kept coming back. I didn't mean it, not really. It just happened. My mind constantly revolves around Sienna. The only time I get a hiatus is at work, but somehow, she even manages to penetrate my workaholic mentality at the oddest times. Like I would space out during a meeting because I'd been thinking about her smile or how she teased me. _Anything_ and _everything_ —always about her—and I'm bloody going mindlessly crazy.

When will the miserable longing stop? I hate feeling this way. I got up and took care of cleaning myself. I was sure Maria left already—but she wouldn't be gone for long.

Strolling to the kitchen, I found Toby sitting with his laptop on the black granite breakfast countertop. "Maria?" he inquired without looking up.

"Yup," I said shrugging. "I know I'm paying you tons to do an excellent job—but it's almost midnight—you need to stop and do that in the office."

"Yeah, well I needed to straighten out a lot of the budget. This is such a bloody mess," Toby mumbled and took a long sip of his beer.

"Well, who would've thought the old arse was embezzling money. If he wasn't grandfather's good friend, I would've gladly punished him—but hey, Granddad pretty much said to let it go."

He smirked. "Sure...five million pounds is easy to let go for you folks."

I opened the fridge to get a bottle of water—drank some and turned around to face him. I grew up with Toby. We went to the same boarding school and university. We grew up privileged, but his father's gambling took a toll on the Watson's bank balance and it's been dwindling ever since. His parents have been pressuring him to help out his younger brother, Liam, through high school and he's been lending them a hand. He was making a decent amount of money at his other job in the finance department at one of the leading hedge fund companies in Europe. But when I found out what old McKenzie was doing—I threw him out and hired Toby. I'm paying him double to ease some of the pressure. He's worth it; not only am I lending him a hand—he also happens to be a genius when it comes to money. Toby's the closest thing I have to a brother and it pains me to see him stressed out about his father's failings.

Toby cleared his throat and looked me in the eye. "Mate—for years I haven't said a word about all your follies— _but what in God's name are you doing?_ I see you're hurting—but you won't talk about it. You're drunk most nights and frolicking with different women. _What the hell happened with Sienna?_ Lucy and Chad are clueless too—no one is talking and we're all wholly baffled."

_Fuck_ , I knew this was going to come.

When Toby moved in a few days after Sienna left, he never said a word about it. He simply dodged the whole subject, but I knew he was giving me time to come to terms with my problem—my pride—but now time's up.

Never once had I retained any reservations when it came to talking to Toby—this _bit_ with Sienna—where did I even begin? It was a bloody calamitous disaster. Now my best friend was staring me down, waiting.

_Blimey, this is bloody difficult...just start with a cleaner version, less hassle...fewer questions._

"She found out about Camilla. I promised I would take care of it and I did. She obviously was gutted about it—I understood that—but I couldn't lose her—so I proposed—she turned me down and went to L.A. with that cretin named Kyle. End of story."

"Wait— _you_ proposed? _Like marriage?_ " His face was disbelieving.

"Yes! _Exactly_ that! End of discussion." I roared at my friend's face which he unfortunately didn't notice.

_How the heck does he know what this feels like? He's so smitten with Lucy._

"Mate—I knew you were enamored with her—but you proposed _marriage_...you're that in love with her? Wow, I get it now—all these clamoring different women..." He trailed off shaking his head, "...but mate—you can't fuck your way out of this one."

"We'll see about that," barely hearing my own murmur because I simply doubted it myself. I have a slim chance in hell of getting over Sienna who _unequivocally_ bewitched me. But I have to try _at least_ and try I will.

I can't keep living like this—like my insides—like my soul is being sucked out of me—it's frightening. Surely there are tons of broken hearted people who move on quite easily. Why couldn't I be one of those people? I'll be damned if I wouldn't at least try—even if my method is "fucking my way out of it."

"She's back, you know. Why don't you go see her?" Toby eyed me with his knowledgeable blue eyes.

"Fuck no! I'm not going to crawl back and beg _again_. Once was humiliating enough. I'm sure Matthews has her now." The thought of her being with Matthews is killing me. She needs to get out of my head and make camp somewhere else. It's like having insanity running havoc in your head.

"Yeah 'cause her being with Matthews is what you really want," he finished his beer and slammed it down on the counter.

"Listen—she didn't want me. There's no _why_ or _how_ —she just doesn't. Don't you think I berate myself enough for not telling her about Camilla? I do—but my apologies were shrugged off and dismissed without consideration. If she doesn't want to be with me, then what is the point of begging her again to come back? I'm convinced that I was just a little jaunt to get over her hurt from the cheating wanker."

"You both did start dating quite quickly after Kyle. You probably have a point—Luce did mention you were only the second man she dated. And I suppose you two being close friends helped your case. So, if that theory is true...being used as a rebound by Sienna shouldn't be so bad, I take it? It is Sienna we're talking about...I know a few mates who are captivated by her but I doubt they can hold against Kyle or you. Don't say I didn't warn you about her and Kyle, mate. She used to talk about being married to him before you even came into the picture."

"You did—and I didn't pay heed. I couldn't—I wanted her."

"There were times I saw her look at you in a certain way—like conflicted somehow—but the way her eyes looked—I thought she was in love with you."

"She doesn't...she never did." _Painful_ but it's the truth. Idiot me thinking I'd found the one.

"What happened with the Clayworths then?"

"They were understanding and said they wanted me to be happy. Camilla was shattered of course. She already had her dress drawn out and ideas where the wedding was to be held. I like Camilla; she and I are compatible—and she loves me. But I fell in love with Sienna. I wanted it to be like the usual blasé I went for—but she was different—she rocked my world and left me in shambles."

"Anyone with eyes can see how Camilla is smitten with you, mate. You always treated her differently than your usual conquests. You took her on holidays and such—then again you needed that to get to know your wife-to-be. I think Camilla is a great woman—but I'm biased because I love Sienna and you're my friend—so I want you two to be together. But since you've categorized that subject as rubbish and you're done fighting for Sienna, and handing her over to Kyle–why don't you want to date Camilla? You do like her and you two seem quite compatible actually. All these different women Blake—surely it's taxing? Think about it."

"I'm really starting to hate Sienna. My whole life is out of order."

"Doubt that, but sure, whatever you say. I'm off to bed. See you in the morning." He took his laptop with him and left the kitchen.

_Damn_ him. He knew how much I hated Kyle Matthews and he kept rubbing it in. Every night I've been tortured with thoughts of them together. It's no wonder I drink myself to sleep most nights.

I left the kitchen towards the stairs and headed to my room. I needed to shower and clean myself of any traces of Maria.

_Should I really consider dating Camilla?_ I have to be sure because Camilla's an excellent woman and I don't want to hurt her, _again_.

Turning the dials on my steam shower, I dwelled on my thoughts. _Sienna_ , _you really crippled me_. I thought abhorrently.

I have to rein my feelings in before this whole disaster affects my work. I can't let down Grandfather. This company is my legacy. My children will inherit this someday and their children's children. _Hell_ , the thought of kids makes the acid in my stomach churn. A little girl that looked like Sienna floated around in my head.

God, how I want that woman—it's maddening. Maybe if I could taste her one more time—get her out of my system—it would help. She did believe in closure, didn't she? She went to see Kyle for "closure" and moved on from me. I suppose I could test that theory.

_Fuck! Fuck! I'm getting hard thinking about her body._ I've had sex three times today, but put Sienna in my thoughts and I instantly get a hard-on.

I'll figure something out. I always do.

I want to possess her—for the last time.

Then I can move on and never look back.

# Chapter 37

### Sienna

It's been a month and three weeks since I've been back in London. The trip to L.A. was worth it. Although my teachers were accommodating, I still had homework to catch up on. I stayed with Kyle and his parents during the whole two week visit. Marie was overjoyed and wouldn't stop implying that someday I would eventually go back to her son. I hid most of the time in the guestroom and tried to forget about everything—which was simply impossible to do.

My memory constantly flashed back to the moment when Blake proposed and I declined—his _expression_ then—his beautiful face contorted with hurt and rejection—made me feel like a double cold-hearted bitch. He proposed and I never saw it coming. Not only was I reeling from the revelation of his impending engagement, I was gob-smacked by the proposal. I felt bombarded with all sorts of emotions.

As much as I love him, I am not ready to be married. I'm not even twenty—marriage is out of the question. But the bottom line is, I'm still in love with Blake Knightly. _If_ he had confessed and enlightened me about the whole "arranged marriage" thing before I had found out about it from that wretched woman, I would've forgiven him. But it was all a joke, wasn't it? I felt betrayed. But most of all, I felt like a joke. Who else knew and why didn't they warn me about it?

Everything's been on autopilot. I've trained myself to smile and act cheerful around people even though it's killing me inside. I'm a living empty shell—but the beat goes on, right? And so shall I.

During the first week in Los Angeles, I shutout the world and hid in Kyle's guestroom; he wouldn't allow me the same courtesy come the second week. I was grateful for his persistent nature. He took me to Disneyland and Universal Studios, twice. I had a blast— _who wouldn't_? I felt like a kid again. Kyle knew me inside and out and I'm thankful he's helping me through this rut of post-breakup madness.

_Oh, the irony_. When Kyle broke my heart, Blake was there for me. And now the situation's reversed. The cycle of life can be so tedious and complicated.

Kyle on the other hand—took a different turn. A hot sexy turn, I might add. He cut his surfer hair and had it buzzed, got a large intricate tribal tattoo on his back that wrapped around his shoulder and arm, and the trip back home gave him a nice tan. He'd been dropping hints about _us_ again. How long can I evade the subject? This is major emotional overload.

I'm on my way to catch up with Chad and Lucy at a pub outside Lucy's school. I've explained the situation to them—only the highlights. I don't think I can voice much more without breaking down into hysterics. It's best to keep it that way. I have a façade to put on.

I'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure those two aren't buying the crap I'm feeding them, but hey, I have to keep trying. Since I have trouble dealing with my true feelings by myself, it's easy to be in a state of denial when talking about them with others. I'd rather deal with them alone where no one can see me suffering with my wretched pain.

Upon entering the pub, I saw Luce and Chad tucked in a booth on my far left and made my way towards them. Their faces lit up upon seeing me.

"Hello ladies—sorry I'm late—traffic totally sucked on the way here."

"Oh, don't be daft—no need to apologize love," Lucy greeted me and kissed both of my cheeks European style— _love it!_

Chad poured me a glass of red wine and slid it carefully before me. It's just us three now. The boys, Toby and Blake, temporarily moved to Marbella to finish a project for Blake's company.

"Chad, you've lost weight. Are you on a diet or something?" I asked.

He looked at Lucy and me. "I did?" We both nodded in unison. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. " _Oh, you know_. The usual problems gay men have. Boyfriends...parents...hellish things... you know. Moving on—the exhibition was a success although it definitely took a large amount of my time for months! It was stressful but super fucking worth it."

"What's going on with your parents, Chad?" Lucy asked.

He shrugged before answering. "Usual crap—don't feel like talking about them. But let me tell you my dear baby love—all your portraits were sold—I had to let you know since you've been hella busy since you've been back. You've been ignoring your bestie—but I forgive you!"

"I'm sorry you guys, promise I'll be better. But wait— _who_ bought them? Oh, I'm so happy for you! You're going to be a major brand soon! Just you wait."

"I can't disclose that—sorry," he smiled wickedly at me. Huh?

"I can only guess who bought them—but who knows. Anyway, Toby invited all three of us to go down there and visit. I mean, I go there almost every weekend to see him—but he wants to catch up with everyone," Lucy said with excitement.

Um, not ready for that. Toby lives with Blake. Certainly not ready for that.

"You guys go—I'm busy with school and work. Tell him I said hi and I miss him, or better yet—I'll text him."

"Please do. He's been worried you see—but he'll be glad to hear from you. What about you, Chad? Coming?" She asked, raising her eyebrow.

"No can do missy—I have a lot on my plate. Though the thought of sunbathing and enjoying hot rich men around the beach is very enticing—I have to pass, maybe next time perhaps?"

Lucy stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh, surely not you too? You're such a bugger, Chad!"

_Crap_ , invitations to go to Marbella are going to come up a lot. I just hope I have enough excuses to dodge them. _Chad loves vacations, wonder what's keeping him? He looked unhappy, but why? Was it about his parents? I'll corner him later and interrogate._

I've heard from Luce that Blake's been extremely busy flying to a few different countries on a weekly basis. His reign in the business is imminent and Toby's confident that Blake's grandfather is stepping down in the next six months. With his hectic schedule—I doubt he remembers his short stint with me. He did have a playboy reputation and I don't have any doubts that he already has a replacement. The man was insatiable and had an everlasting stamina in bed and out of it.

Thinking of him with another woman kills me—but that's reality...and sooner or later I have to face that. It's inevitable that I will see him with his girlfriends. I just hope that he's okay, and hopefully, someday he and I can be friends again.

It was almost ten before we decided to leave the pub and we were starving. We totally forgot about dinner and got carried away talking. They never brought up the subject of Blake, thank goodness!

"Where do you guys want to go eat? I'm starving so decide, pronto!" Chad demanded.

"Oooh China Town, please? Crispy Duck?" My famished tummy growled.

"Genius, let's go biatches!" Chad said as he hailed a black cab.

I hadn't had a real meal all day. Apart from a nibble of a granola bar, two grande cappuccinos and two glasses of red wine, I barely had any food. And I was ravenous.

There's this restaurant in China Town that's open until four in the morning and they have the best crispy duck ever. I mean—seriously—it's divine. They fry the duck to a crisp and they pull the meat into shreds on the table with two forks. Then you eat it with Chinese style pancakes and a drizzle of plum sauce. It's glorious! I've tried several Chinese restaurants in L.A. that offer something similar, but they don't even come close. We all love this place...even Blake. We used to come here often after a late night of partying.

When we got inside the restaurant, Lucy excused herself to call Toby. Apparently, they've been playing phone tag all night. When Chad and I were both seated, I took the opportunity to ask him.

"Chad—whatever it is—you can tell me—something's bothering you—I'm here for you," I said as I studied his face. Something flashed in his eyes, was it pain?

"I'll tell you later, okay? I'm not ready to talk yet—but thank you. I know you're there for me, Sienna. That's why I love you," he smiled lamely at me. How I wished I knew what it was—so I could help put a genuine smile on his face again. His usual vibrant self was gone—the luster dimmed. _What the hell happened? Why won't he tell me?_

"I'm not going to put my phone on silent at night anymore—you can call me anytime, whenever you are ready to talk." He nodded and when he saw Lucy striding towards us, he pasted on a lame smile.

So, I guess we both had a mask on—pretending we were okay.

After dinner, Chad took off to party with his friends while Luce and I headed home. China Town is close to our flat in Covent Garden so it didn't take us long to get back to our place.

Tomorrow's Friday, so no classes for me. I can't wait to sleep in late and just be a bum all day eating tubs of ice cream. I showered and went to bed. The past three weeks of getting two or three hours of sleep and taking short naps was taking a toll on my body. I was exhausted and slept without a hitch.

I was woken up by my phone shrilling next to me. I had placed it on my bedside table just in case Chad decided to take my offer–and it seemed that he had. But when I checked the screen, the number flashing on it was unfamiliar.

"Hello?" My sleepy voice croaked.

Goodness, I was parched. I needed some water.

"Is this Miss Sienna Richards?" The stern voice of the man on the other end asked. I don't know why, but there was something in the way he spoke that made my heart beat wildly. "Yes, speaking. What is it?" I inquired.

"I'm calling because you are listed as Chad Wilson's emergency contact. There's been an incident in regards to him. We suggest that you come to the hospital to discuss the situation."

_Chad_ , my poor Chad. _What happened?_ I started to shake as I responded to the other person on the line and informed him that I would be there as soon as possible. I called a cab company and rushed over to Lucy's bedroom to wake her up. She almost jumped out of her skin when I told her. We both quickly changed and I dressed myself in sweats and Uggs.

The entire cab journey was silent as we held hands. I could hear Lucy silently weeping. I didn't have any clue what the "incident" was. They wouldn't disclose any information to me until I got there.

When we got to the emergency reception area, the nurse directed us to a room and told us what had happened. "He was brought in a couple hours ago. He consumed a great amount of alcohol. That alone was dangerous, but what put everything off kilter was his use of cocaine. He overdosed and slipped into a coma." I stared at her while Lucy bawled next to me.

" _Coma?_ Drugs? Chad doesn't do drugs. There must've been a mistake. Chad wouldn't do that..." my voice trailed off as the nurse smiled sadly at me.

"That's always the case, love. Here's the room. Do you know how to reach his family? It's best you contact them as well." I nodded, not knowing what else to say. The nurse went on, "I just checked on him so you both can go in and wait for the doctor. He'll explain everything." I nodded again, half hearing her speak as I gently pushed the ominous white door open.

The shock of seeing Chad lying there on the hospital bed hit me with sadness and guilt. I rushed to his side crying.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why the _hell_ didn't you!" My sad, angry voice shook as I hugged his body and cried.

This was entirely my fault. I let him leave knowing something was off. I could've stopped this from happening but I didn't. Now he was in the hospital...in a coma. His dark skin looked ashen, his lips pale. Aside from the beeping noises of the heart monitor and the ventilator, he looked completely lifeless. _Chad, had I known you were in so much pain, I wouldn't have left your side earlier._ He had been in so much pain that he overdosed on booze and drugs. Lucy was crying openly on the chair.

We were both distraught when the doctor came into the room.

"Miss Richards?" The salt and pepper haired doctor asked. I nodded to him because my voice had completely left me, my body completely in shock. He introduced himself as Dr. Hill. He was kind and understanding as he explained the situation. The amount of alcohol and drugs Chad had consumed was unbelievable. I felt as if the doctor had slapped me when he asked if Chad had given any indication he was suicidal. _What is he blabbering about?_ _Chad would never commit suicide._ But why would he ask? __ The doctor kept insisting that it was _suicide._ His coma could be temporary or it could be permanent. The next few days were going to be critical for his recovery. He said there was not much that we could do until they saw some progress. He bid his farewell shortly after.

Lucy and I held each other. We both agreed that he would never commit suicide and yet here he was. The guilt was eating us up inside because we didn't have any clue what Chad was going through. The thought of Chad in a coma permanently, terrifies the hell out of me.

_He can't leave! He has to survive. He will open his eyes again and give me that sweet smile._ I kept saying to myself. He's such a beautiful person, inside and out. _His career was starting to take off; what's the reason behind the suicide? Boyfriend? Finances? What?_

Whatever it was...suicide was not the answer. He had us to help him out—he didn't have to go through it alone. _But apparently, he had felt alone_ or _he would never have opted for this_. Suicide usually is the last resort and my dear friend, unbeknownst to me, was holding on by a very fine thread.

I pulled a chair next to him and held his hand while Lucy did the same on his other side. We both silently prayed and hoped our friend would recover from this.

_My sweet Chad...please don't leave me..._ I thought as I fell asleep crying, holding his cold, lifeless hand.

I woke up when I heard hushed voices. A bright stream of sunshine filtered through the tinted windows. I looked up and saw Toby holding Lucy. His face and eyes were red and blotchy. He had obviously been crying too. "Toby? When did you get here?"

"Around nine-thirty, two hours ago—I came here as soon as I found out. Blake couldn't come since he's in Australia for the next two weeks. He said he'll try to wrap up everything as soon as possible and be here as well." I nodded in understanding.

Kyle came the moment he found out and all four of us stayed there and prayed for our friend to come back to us. The guys took turns fetching coffee and food. Not once did Luce and I leave the hospital room.

It was late Sunday afternoon and Toby had to fly back to Spain for work. He promised to be back in couple of days; he needed to sort out some business before taking a few days off.

When Monday rolled around, Lucy reluctantly had to leave for school. I stayed vigilantly next to him. Kyle brought some clothes for me and all the other things I needed. I tried to look for Chad's phone, but apparently he didn't have it with him when the medics brought him in.

I had to call my teachers and explain the whole situation to them. They said that I could do the assignments and email them back before the end of the semester. I promised I would do all the extra work and visit museums if I have to. They were all kind, understanding and at the same time, worried about Chad. I knew what they were thinking: _What if he never wakes up again?_ But I can't think like that. I have to be optimistic. I have to keep faith, for Chad. He needs me to be strong for him.

Over the next few days, Luce did the same as I did. She left only when she had to. Kyle visited twice a day—in the morning before he went to work and after he got out of work.

On Friday, I was watching reruns of _Hollyoaks_ on the small television the hospital provided when I felt Chad's hand move. I jumped from my seat and stared at his hand for a whole minute without blinking. There it was again; _it was moving!_

I scrambled to my feet, rang the nurse's station and told them what I had witnessed. The doctor barged in after five minutes, checking vital signs and ordering a CT scan _immediately_. The nurses wheeled him out of the room and onto another floor. The doctor advised me to stay put and get some rest.

I was fidgeting when Kyle found me and I relayed everything to him. "Sienna, I understand you're worried—I really do babe—but you have to go home and rest. You need to sleep or you'll be the one in the hospital next. You're losing weight."

_He's right._

I feel like I'm floating and I'm so groggy I can't think straight. I can't be of any help if I kill myself in the process.

"Okay, but only after the doctor gets back from the scan." He nodded and squeezed my shoulders.

We waited for the doctor—what seemed like forever—and he explained that there was some brain activity and advised us that the possibility of Chad recovering could still vary. We would have to wait a few more days to see if Chad showed any more signs.

After the doctor left, Kyle took me back to his house. I didn't want to be alone and he insisted on taking care of me. I don't know how I managed to fully shower without passing out. I wore Kyle's L.A. Kings hockey jersey and fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

I woke up in the morning breathing on Kyle's neck. He only had his silk boxers on. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and both of our legs were tangled. I was trying to figure out how I could untangle myself without waking him up when I felt his heartbeat accelerate wildly against my chest. His breathing became shallow as his morning wood started to become evident against my inner thigh. _Shit, this sucks_.

"Kyle?" I whispered to him. He groaned in my hair. "I can feel your erection—feel like letting go of me now?" I said against his neck.

"Never—I will never let go of you." _Uh! I have to get back to Chad._ I tried to push myself off of him but he wouldn't release me. "I love this, Sienna. Give me just a few more minutes. Let me cherish this moment."

"Fine." I murmured. It was the least I could do, _compromise,_ since he had taken care of my well being and had been supportive.

Not knowing what to do, I gently traced the tattoo on his arm; it was a beautiful design and it fitted him well.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, as he smelled my neck.

_Oh, what the heck_? I was so not in the mood to be teased. "Kyle—maybe next time—I'll think about it, but for now, I need to get back to Chad."

Kyle looked serious. "Think about that rain check, will you?" I gently slapped him in the head as he laughed heartily and released his hold on me. Men and their stupid hormones! _Seriously_.

I ran to the bathroom and showered. I dressed in the clothes that Kyle packed for me yesterday. I didn't want to miss any progress with Chad. Kyle dropped me off at the hospital and I hastily kissed his cheek. He tried to capture my lips with his but I nudged his arm playfully.

_Kyle's been a little aggressive with his antics lately._ I couldn't honestly accommodate that thought when my friend was lying lifeless in a hospital bed.

# Chapter 38

### Blake

I was on my way out of the hospital when I saw her emerge from the cab with Matthews. They looked pretty intimate and I was frozen to the spot watching how the two exchanged their goodbyes.

_Keep moving before she sees you_ , I told myself, but I couldn't. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months and my eyes were taking everything in. She was walking towards the building with a huge smile on her face.

Is she still in love with him? Did she love him even when she was with me? Did she think of him while we were together? _Bloody fuck_ , she probably did.

She was obviously happy while I sat with my own bloodless misery. Every waking moment, I feel the loss of Sienna and she doesn't give a damn. I was convenient and she probably used me just to get over her ex. _Well, you did_ pursue _her—it's no one's fault but yours._ Resentment, as always, crept in and I was starting to hate her—really, scornfully _hate_ her.

I stood frozen, studying her face. She was wearing a black, cotton long sleeve top, black leggings and the very same cowboy boots she wore that _wretched_ day she confronted me about my engagement. My stomach recoiled as I thought about it.

Her hair was still wet—evidently just out of the shower. _Did she share it with Kyle?_ _Stop_ , it doesn't matter. _She_ doesn't matter anymore.

When she finally saw me, she stopped and stared with her pretty mouth hanging ajar.

I stared at her beautiful face, hating and loving her at the same time. My jaw tightened as I thought about her with another man–God knows I haven't been celibate. I jumped at the nearest woman who opened her legs invitingly a day or two after she left for LA. But _fuck_ , jealousy was such a toxic emotion.

"Blake," her soft voice stammered. I caught her eyes wandering all over me, stopping at my mouth.

"Sienna," I said through gritted teeth. _I hate you._

"You're uh—back early from Australia? Did you see Chad? How is he?" She pressed her lips, looking anywhere but at me.

"I landed a couple hours ago and came straight here. I had to cram some meetings together to get here. There was another movement from Chad's fingers and the doctor is hopeful. Lucy and Toby are upstairs."

"You're leaving? You're not staying longer?" Her fingers fidgeted on her purse straps. She does that when she's nervous. _Good_ , I didn't want her to think that things would be the same after she dumped me without giving me a chance to explain properly—another chance to prove that I did mean everything I said and promised her. I'm not going to be the considerate man that she once knew.

"I have to go to Rome for a few hours. I've been summoned by my uncle. I'll be back when I can."

"Oh, right. Um...have a safe flight then— _wait_ —do you want to go get some coffee before you leave? I haven't had one yet—"

"No. I'm busy. I have to go."

My rejection threw her off. Even when we were friends, I always succumbed to her wants—not anymore. I can't stand being in the same vicinity with her without wanting to strangle her. It's best that I leave before I say something I would regret later on.

I nodded and left her standing there, looking hurt and not knowing what to do. Striding towards the waiting black Bentley without looking back, I released a long breath as I slid inside it. Then I ordered Robert, my driver, to drive me to the office in South Bank to get some paperwork before leaving for the airport.

When I arrived at my office, my assistant Luke greeted me cordially. He was alerted the moment I stepped inside the building. I want every single branch that I own to run efficiently.

He handed me all the paperwork I needed to go through and briefed me with the ongoing progress in all branches of the company. After listening without interrupting him, I excused myself to go to the annex apartment I have inside my office. I could've easily gone to my own apartment, but I didn't; I simply can't. That place is haunted by memories of her. Her scent lingered everywhere in my room and I'm not ready to step in there, knowing full well that I won't recover if I do.

I welcomed the silence once I entered the annex apartment. It contains a massive king-sized bed, full shower, and a well-equipped kitchen with stainless steel appliances. The whole place is decorated with Sienna's solo portraits from Chad's show. I might _accidentally_ burn them all. There were six solo portraits—but Kyle, the bloody cretin, bought one–the one he kept staring at all evening. I'm sure the image reminds him of something significant—that's why we ended up fighting that night. I punched his jaw without a second thought after Chad informed me that Kyle purchased the portrait already _. "She's my girlfriend. Don't even think twice of trying to take her away from me. I will ruin you Matthews! I can easily ruin you."_ I remembered threatening him while others scrambled to exit the room.

_"She was mine first—don't you ever forget that you asshole! Once she realizes that you're just a fucking playboy and she's just one of the passing girls—she's going to run back to me! I'll always be here for her. That's how it's been and that's how it always will be. She hasn't been with anyone apart from me and you—what you guys have is lust not love, nothing else. Dude—get your shit together before you threaten me, you stupid British fuck!"_ He yelled and huffed angrily before storming out of the room.

Once he left, I felt helpless. What Sienna and I had—it was more than that. _I knew it_ —my heart knows it—my soul knows it. I felt it with her kisses and the way she looked at me. I tried to convince myself that what Kyle said didn't bear any fruit.

I had stood in the middle of the room staring at her decadent portrait, looking for answers. As if her eyes could tell me all her hidden secrets. How I wished I knew what they were.

I had taken a hold of her arm and linked it to mine, lightly tugging her to follow me out of the room and towards the gallery office.

I needed to be with her. I needed confirmation that she was mine and that she wouldn't leave me. I remembered _hoping_ that she would love me the way that I loved her.

Memories of that night tugged something inside. My eyes started to tear and I immediately composed myself. I cursed her portraits profusely before I headed towards the bathroom.

Call me a masochist, but I _needed_ to see her face once in awhile. My heart is turning into sinister dark ice, stone cold and black. I needed to be reminded—even if for only a second—that I once loved fully and fiercely with no boundaries. Glimpses of the future I once yearned for with her. The limited time I spent with her was the happiest I'd ever been since my parents were taken away from me.

I knew I fucked up when I didn't tell her about the arranged marriage. But she could've at least stayed, listened and given me the opportunity to fully explain myself. But she didn't—that's why I hate her. Her rejection when I proposed on the pavement in Covent Garden will forever be tattooed in my memory. I hate her for jumping ship.

I'm going to expand what my grandfather's father built. I'm going to exceed everyone's expectations and then some. I'm exceptional in what I do. It's the only thing I have control of, its outcome, its future.

Stepping out of the steam shower, I walked over to the medium-sized walk-in closet adjacent to the bathroom. The call from my uncle's wife, Seraphina, baffled me. If my uncle wanted to talk, he could've called himself. Is he sick?

Both of my maternal grandparents died before I was born. After mum died, he was the only relative I remained close to on my mother's side. My uncle, Luciano Vittori, was my mother's only brother–we catch up once or twice a year. He's a busy man as well–he runs the family vineyard in Tuscany. Luciano and Seraphina used to be such a happy couple; they once reminded me of my parents. But all that changed when my seventeen year old cousin, Alessandro, crashed his brand new Lamborghini into a tree going one hundred and twenty miles per hour on a curved road. Aunt Seraphina died that day as well. She was never the same. The sunny person turned solemn and bitter.

I dressed in a light blue dress shirt and black trousers. I need a shave but I don't have the time to do it. I need to get to Rome as soon as possible and get this over with.

The past two weeks have been such a nightmare. The news about Chad's suicide attempt took a toll on my sleep. I kept going in circles as I thought about his actions. The lively man who was once robust and full of life decided he no longer wanted to live. When I saw him earlier, I became angry. Why didn't any of us see this? Were we that selfish that we couldn't see our friend was going through pure utter hell?

Sienna adores Chad, we all do. But they were closer—they were each other's confidantes. Chad became a part of our circle, became a friend. The fact of him being gay didn't bother me a bit. True, Chad tends to be flamboyant, but that's just a part of him. The other major part that others, besides our group, can't see is the man behind the persona. The man who's devoted to the people he cares about. The gifted man, who has an eye for beauty and captures it exceptionally well, even though we were all close to him, somehow we still missed the man who was crying out for help, a man that was broken and felt so alone.

I knew all four us felt guilty; our faces said it all. The minute Chad comes out of his coma, I will keep a closer eye on him and make sure he gets all the help he needs. I know he will come through. That man may be broken right now—but he has the spirit of a fighter.

I summoned Robert to wait for me outside the building as I left my apartment. I started making phone calls, mentally delegating in my head which ones should be taken care of first and which ones could be done last. I have a photographic memory and I'm a whiz when it comes to numbers–I wouldn't have been nicknamed a "Modern day Einstein" by _Times_ magazine if I wasn't good at what I do.

I'm hoping to be back by seven tonight to see Chad again before I head out to Marbella tomorrow morning. I'm exhausted from all the country hopping—but I'd rather deal with that than with my emotions and thoughts.

Arriving at the airport, I got out of the car and climbed the stairs of my G650 Gulfstream jet, customized and fitted to my liking. I was greeted by a hot, willing stewardess–a beauty. I smiled back at her. I might need a distraction later.

Seated and situated, I dialed Toby. The moment he picked up, I forgot about the Nordic beauty hovering about the cabin. I had informed him about the flight to Italy earlier at the hospital and he seemed intrigued and asked what Luciano wanted; I told him I had no clue. I notified him that Luke would send him a few emails and that they needed to be gone through immediately. Before cutting off the call, I heard a familiar laugh in the background, _Sienna_. She was laughing at something Lucy had just said.

My heart contracted with the sound of her laugh; how I've missed that laugh. I pressed the bridge of my nose as I tried to reign in the emotions that had started to sprout about.

Damn, that _wretched_ witch of a woman.

But I'd rather die than admit that to her, or to anyone else. We were in the same circle of friends. We have to endure being in each other's company. I might as well get used to it. I will be seeing a lot of her very soon, when Chad wakes up.

# Chapter 39

### Sienna

"You're leaving? You're not staying longer?" I asked Blake, my voice slightly pleading.

_I just saw you—you can't leave?_! I yelled in my head.

"I have to go to Rome for a few hours. I've been summoned by my uncle. I'll be back when I can." That sounded very important. I remembered him speaking affectionately about his uncle—but his name escaped me.

"Oh, right. Um...have a safe flight then—wait—do you want to go get some coffee before you leave? I haven't had one yet—"

I was going to just say goodbye—but my heart won out. I wanted to catch up and see how he'd been. He looked so gorgeous. He was still the _most_ beautiful man I had ever laid my eyes on, though there was a hint of darkness shrouding him that wasn't present before. He seemed hardened—cold and severely detached from me. Gone was the man who gave me those knee-buckling, god-like smiles and earth shattering kisses.

"No. I'm busy. I have to go." His rejection was the last nail in my coffin. I should've expected this. In the back recesses of my mind, _I did_ —but when it finally happened in reality, a fresh set of pain racked through my body. I had mentally prepared myself for this—but this ache—this rotten, putrid feeling that was gripping me, was crushing and unbearable.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand when tears threatened to fall.

_I can't break down; Chad needs me._ It was Chad that I needed to focus on, not my irrevocably broken relationship with Blake.

I made sure my thoughts of Blake were shoved in the back of my mind and my tear ducts were dry before entering Chad's room, bravely facing Luce and Toby.

"Hello! How's Chad doing today?" I greeted the pretty couple.

Luce jumped out of her chair and hugged me tightly. "Blake was just here. Did you manage to see him on his way out?"

"Yeah—it was awkward to say the least." I gave Luce and Toby a sad smile.

"Don't worry—you two will come around. You guys were close friends before. It's just, you know, it's still all fresh and it needs time to get used to," she smiled encouragingly at me.

I gave her a peck on the cheek, murmured "thank you" and sat next to Chad's bed. He still looked a little lifeless but his lips were gaining a little color. That's a good sign, right? He'll bounce back into full health. I just know it.

The three of us chatted around Chad's bed. Luce and I still took both sides next to Chad while Toby sat on the foot of the bed. He told me that he was giving up his flat because the job in Marbella might take up to a year to finish. There was no need to keep a place here when he obviously didn't need it. Some of his things will be moved to Lucy's room and other furniture brought to our apartment. I didn't mind, whatever is easier for him; we certainly have the room. So, I guess Blake and Toby are going to be housemates then. That certainly sucks...for me.

"How is Blake? I mean—I saw him earlier—he seemed angry still. Is he doing okay?" Heck, I was fishing for information. I knew it, but for some reason, I wanted to know if he was okay after the break-up. I know it's been two months since it happened, but I was curious.

"Blake has a very demanding and punishing schedule. I don't know how he does it—but he does and he does it superbly. But at night—he's been quite; I don't know how to put it. I mean—he's been quite—maybe overtly busy." I tried to open my mouth to respond but I couldn't form the words to. _Overtly busy?_

Lucy snorted. "Overtly busy, really my love? That's the understatement of the year. Try man whore." Toby glared at her.

She held up her hand, "I know you're besties with him—I love him too. We all know Blake used to go through women quite thoroughly, but at least then he tried to get to know the women. This time, he doesn't even nit-pick—he just shags them. As long as the woman is hot and good-looking that is." She shrugged as I stared wide-eyed at them.

_Hello???_ How come none of them informed me before?

The thought of Blake with different women on a daily basis made me run to the bathroom to puke. Fuck, that was a lot of information to take in.

What was I really expecting, him pining away for me? Maybe. I just didn't expect him to move on like we—us—didn't matter much. _Why wouldn't he, Sienna? You never once told him that you loved him and you turned down his proposal of marriage. The man has the right to move on and forget about you._

I heard a soft knock on the door. "Sienna, can I help you at all?" Toby's soft, sophisticated voice asked through the door.

"No, I just need a minute. I'll be out soon," I called back.

I washed my face and rinsed my mouth with water. I straightened up my loosened bun before I came out of the bathroom. They both looked sorry. Sigh, it wasn't their fault I was a mess. "Sorry, I was shocked; that's all. I needed a moment."

Toby gathered me in his arms and hugged me tight. "You broke the man's heart, love. This is the only way he knows how to cure himself. You shouldn't take it personally. But he did love you—I just wish that he took care of the Clayworths before taking things further with you. He's shattered too, babe."

"I know," I murmured sadly before returning to my chair next to Chad. "He _hates_ me, doesn't he?"

"He'll come around. I know he will. I just don't know how long that'll take him." I nodded at Toby, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

We changed the subject and talked about Chad. Lucy animatedly rehashed stories about him that were funny and _so very_ Chad. Toby's phone rang and he went to the far side corner of the room; he spoke in a hushed tone. I laughed sadly at Lucy's story and we both started to tear up again when we looked at Chad's face. " _I miss you_ , my dear beautiful friend," I whispered in his ear.

Toby was busy with his laptop all afternoon, taking calls every half an hour or so. At five, they decided to leave and asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner with Blake. I graciously declined and used work as an excuse. After seeing him today and learning of his sexcapades, I could only handle, anything in regards to Blake, in small doses or I might breakdown.

I waited for Kyle to pick me up so we could head out to work together. I love working with him. I love how diverse and exhilarating the music business is. Tonight, I have no clue where we're heading. I haven't been paying much attention since Chad was admitted to the hospital. I needed to go back to my flat and change before heading out to wherever we're working tonight.

When Kyle walked in, thirty minutes after Toby and Lucy left, I asked if we could stop by my flat. On our way to my apartment in Covent Garden, my thoughts dwelled on Blake, tuning Kyle out.

Once in the apartment, I headed straight to the shower, leaving Kyle in my room. As I showered, I thoroughly scrubbed my body, shaved my legs and put a five-minute sugar face mask on. Scrubbed clean and primed, I applied rose scented cream all over my body and came out of the bathroom with my pale green, silk robe on.

"Where are we going tonight? How much time do I have to get ready?" I shot questions at him while I rummaged through my closet. He was on my bed and staring at the ceiling. He was wearing all black and looking quite rugged; his haircut really did suit him.

"We're actually going to see TCC. They're playing at the Electric Ballroom tonight...just thought we should support them you know." He was now on his side, propped on his elbow, watching me go through my closet. "Wear a skirt—but not too short. You never fail to look delicious with a skirt on."

I glared at him. "Oh, shut up. Keep your fantasies at bay, you horndog!" He laughed.

* * *

"Are those leather pants I see? Baby, that's hella hot. I can't wait!" He called out to me. I shut the door laughing. He was hopeless!

I slid on my itsy bitsy red lace thong followed by fitted, black leather pants. I tried to put on my red corset covered with black lace, but failed miserably. Holding the corset tightly on my chest, I barged out the door seeking Kyle's assistance.

"Hey, could you help me really quick!" His hazel eyes bulged out from their sockets.

_Great, here we go again._ I started to tap my foot, impatiently waiting for him to get over it.

"Baby, do you know if you hold that thing closer, it will make your boobs pop-out?" I rolled my eyes. He got up from the bed and I turned my back so he could start working on the hook and eye closure. He did it slowly—quite deliberately.

"Kyle—when did you decide to start moving like a snail?" I impatiently asked him.

"Since your back is exposed to me. You're killing me here baby. You know how much I love your back. Fuck! This shit blows."

I smiled, knowing how distracted he'll be tonight. "Maybe you should get laid you know...have you been with anyone after Brooke?"

"Yes... _you_. That night in Santa Monica was the last time I got laid," Kyle whispered. _No freaking way_. _That can't be; I mean Kyle is pretty hot_. The bad boy with his new buzz-cut, tattoos, and those beautiful hazel eyes which, I'm sure, melt women—it used to turn me into a puddle of goo—why choose to be celibate?

_Duh, you know why._

"You're joking right? That's crazy long ago. Having sexual problems young man?" Trying to make light of the situation because I was totally freaked out—for a man to do something like that—it was _very_ serious. Guys just don't give up sex for no reason.

"I figured that I've done enough damage to you and to our relationship; I don't want to risk any chance I have to be with you again. I want you back, Sienna. I don't care much about sex with other women. I just _want_ you and I _want_ the next time to be with _you_." Finishing the last hook and eye, he softly caressed my shoulder with the back of his finger.

"That's pretty loaded Kyle..."

"Don't worry....no need to rush. I just love being with you," he whispered softly in my ear.

"I saw _him_ today, you know. He hates me." _Him_ as in Blake Knightly.

"He doesn't hate you—the man is just hurt because you rejected him. I don't think that sits well with a man like Blake. I don't think he knows what rejection feels like and you dished it out to him. He'll get over it."

Why did everyone tell me that Blake "will get over it"? Have they seen how much the man has changed? How much he loathes me? His eyes practically sliced me into two. But he totally looked hot...I'm such a charity case.

"Who knows if he's ever been rejected? Not many can resist him. Apart from his vast wealth, the man is walking sex on a stick." My heart palpitated with thoughts of Blake and his other women again. _Crap, this has got to stop._

"Exactly, you don't want that, do you? You should think about the future and what you want. I know you're still recovering and you're doing a great job. But you have to let it go, Sienna. It's not healthy." I turned around and faced Kyle.

"You mean it's time for me to move on and consider you and me again?" I looked him straight in the eye.

"Yes...that too. I love you and I've been in love with you since I was ten years old, I think. I told my mom the very same day I met you that I was going to marry you someday. I want to marry you today, tomorrow...it doesn't matter. I'm nuts about you. We have history—just think about it? Promise me that, will you?"

"Marry you today or tomorrow?" I joked and tapped the tip of his nose.

"Sure. I'd love to. I can't stop loving you...or wanting you, baby. I've tried and it was pointless. I know you're not ready to get married yet—so all I'm asking you is to start _really_ thinking about us. How about a trial period? Two weeks or a month? See if you can be with me, that's all I ask. Promise me you will consider it?"

I smiled at his pleading face. "Okay, okay. If you're _that_ desperate to be with me, then I promise to think about it."

He laughed, making his eyes twinkle. "God you're awesome!" He bent over to kiss me on the lips. "Now, get your fine sexy self ready or else we'll be crazy late to the gig."

"Fine, then go wait for me outside so I can finish up faster." I shooed him out of the room.

I gathered up and slipped on my lace-up, knee-high black boots and started with my heavy kohl eye-lined make-up. Leaving my dark wavy hair down, a few pumps of my Coco Mademoiselle perfume and I was ready to go; I gathered my clutch purse and left the bedroom.

"I'm ready," I called out to Kyle. _Maybe I can be ready to be with Kyle again. We'll see how things unfold._

First, I need my beloved Chad to emerge from his coma.

# Chapter 40

### Blake Blake blake

Entering the famed French Restaurant on Baker Street, I politely declined the offer of the maitre d' for assistance. I knew Lucy and Toby were waiting impatiently.

They've been calling and texting like mad for the past ten minutes. I was late and I didn't mean to be, but Ivanna took her sweet time while getting ready. Ivanna's the Nordic beauty from the plane. The woman was uncontainable on the way back from Italy. I obliged her pouty requests; I fucked her twice and the invitation for her to join me and my friends for dinner sprouted out of nowhere. _Are you sure it wasn't because there's a possibility of_ her _joining us for dinner?_ _Possibly_ , I just knew I couldn't go in there defenseless.

The minute I found their table, Lucy's eyes buggered out. "Lucy, Toby, this is my companion for tonight, Ivanna." Luce and Toby greeted her politely as we took our seats.

"So Ivanna, tell me—how _did_ you two meet?" Lucy asked. Her bright blue eyes were inquisitive as she took a long, lengthy sip of her red wine.

"Oh, we met today—I was his stewardess on his flight to Italy and he swept me off my feet. It was love at first sight." Ivanna flashed her winning white smile at me while I paled from her retort.

_Love? What the fuck is this woman on?_

Luce choked on her wine and covered her mouth with a silk napkin. She took a sip of water and cleared her throat. "Love at first sight, you say? That's epic. Congratulations you two! I'm so happy you've finally found your one true _love_ , Blake. I know you've been scouring the streets of London to no avail, and _finally_...here you are...at last." Her voice dripped with her usual sweetness and a trace of sarcasm. She looked furious.

"Lucy!" Toby warned her with a quick glance before returning to Ivanna. "That's splendid! I'm happy for you both," he said with his usual charming demeanor.

"Thank you! Isn't that great, baby? They already like me!" The delusional woman went on. _Christ_ , had I known she was going to rant like a rambling floozy, I wouldn't have invited her. But now, I'm stuck with her for the rest of the night while Lucy's eyes throw daggers at me.

"Let's order, shall we?" I distracted myself with the menu as they discussed what to order.

While we ate dinner, we discussed Chad and the business world. The whole time, Ivanna was indulgent and kept touching my thigh, which never failed to distract me, causing me to stop a few times in mid sentence. Lucy's laser eyes saw everything and I reddened under her scrutiny.

Thank God she kept her opinions and snide remarks to herself. Lucy's a sweet girl but try crossing her and it's game over. She kept diverting her attention to her phone and she would smile once in awhile whilst reading her messages.

"Why are you smiling like that? Who are you talking to?" Toby asked her.

Her vibrating phone was becoming a nuisance.

"Oh, I just found out about this new band that I love. They're playing tonight. We're going there after we're finished to enjoy some live music and a couple of friends. Do you two lovebirds want to come and join us?" She asked sweetly.

"Sure, count us in." Ivanna gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "This is going to be a fun night!" She crooned with her thick accent. _Christ_ , could she be any more annoying? I hated being fondled in front of an audience.

"Sounds...lovely," Luce murmured dryly.

After dinner, I had Robert drive us to our next destination. We slid out of the Bentley and Ivanna linked her arm with mine as we entered the punk rock-like atmosphere. The band that Lucy was talking about had already started playing. They sounded good and a large crowd milled around the stage. We were seated in a booth that gave us a great view of it.

Toby took the liberty of ordering us drinks and I was relieved to get away from Ivanna's clasping hands. I could easily brush her off, but I didn't feel like being much of a brute tonight. It had been a long day. My visit to Italy took a toll on me; my uncle had a heart attack. He's stable now—but needs to rest. My aunt was barely hanging in there. I was trying to figure out a way to make things easier for them when the lead singer's voice boomed over the microphone.

"I want to invite a very good friend of ours up here. He helped us out and signed our band. He became a very good friend and we found out that he can seriously jam. Kyle Matthews, get your bloody arse up here!" The crowd applauded and hooted for the "guest." The bloody fuck emerged and went up on stage.

I tensed and looked accusingly at Lucy and Toby who had his hands held up. "Had no clue mate, don't look at me."

"Lighten up will you? Now, _hush_. I want to hear this," Lucy ordered.

_Damn_ , I should've seen this coming when she invited us. Lucy's on Team Sienna and it didn't take much to realize that this was Lucy's way of punishing me for being so crass as of late.

"Hello," the smiling idiot said on the microphone. "This is my first time playing with a large crowd, so I beg you guys to be patient. I'm going to play "Somewhere in Between" by Lifehouse." Strapping the guitar on his shoulder, he sat down and strummed it a few times before speaking again.

"This song's for Sienna—the love of my life. Remember what you promised." He winked at someone in the audience and I examined the crowd, looking for her. I found her sitting in another booth across the room smiling up at him. The room was dark but I could see her sappy looking face.

_What did she promise him?_ What the hell!

"Goodness, he's going to _serenade_ her! Right in front of all these people! How _romantic_! Sienna's probably peeing in her knickers just about now." Lucy's excitement piqued my increasing annoyance of the damning situation.

The fucking wanker was going in for the kill and she looked like she was eating it all up. I wanted to throw something at him to shut his gob.

He started to play the guitar and sang. His soft raspy voice lulled the audience to silence.

I can't meet

Losing sleep over this

No I can't

And now I cannot stop pacing

Give me a few hours

I'll have this all sorted out

If my mind would just stop racing...

"Gosh, did any of you know that he can _actually_ sing? What a lovely voice! Is it just me or has Kyle gotten _edgier_? Look at all those tats. He looks incredible," Luce gushed with amazement.

_Who cares?_ I wanted to yell at her. Ivanna even looked mesmerized at the crooning bloke. Women turn gaga over men singing with their guitars strapped on. The bad boy appeal, perhaps? Even the sweet, proper Lucy simply looked awestruck. Bloody women.

"Try not to gawk at the poor bloke, love—he might get struck by lightning—I'm sure he doesn't need any more trouble other than the wrath of Blake—that alone _is_ deadly," Toby jested. He wasn't even jealous as his girlfriend admired another man. I wish I was that confident when I was with Sienna.

This is over my head

But underneath my feet

Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat

And everything will be back to the way that it was

I wish that it was just that easy

My eyes landed back on Sienna. I took in her sexy ensemble. She looked provocative and racy with that red and black lace corset. God, she looked sultry and utterly fascinating. She can pull off any bloody look. _How does she do that?_ She can look divine and sophisticated with her a-line dresses and pearls, then look like a cowgirl next without much ado. _Fuck_ , her breasts looked like they were about to topple over. _Did she dress up for him?_ My thoughts countered. _Bloody_ fuck _, I hate her!_

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Been waiting for tomorrow

I'm somewhere in between

What is real, just a dream

I felt a heavy ache sitting on my chest. I wanted her so badly it hurt to breathe but Hell will freeze over before I succumb to Sienna again. I won't let her hurt me or give her the kind of power to unman me. Once was lesson enough.

I felt Ivanna's hand on my thigh again and smiled. It was a good call to bring her with me or I would've bloody dragged Sienna out of here before she could blink twice. I still had the inkling to do so, but my pride prevented me and rationalized my thinking.

When Kyle finished his song, he said thanks and left the stage. The audience seemed to love him. I watched him like a hawk as he strolled towards her. He picked her up and kissed her quickly on the lips as he twirled her around.

_How cozy, it looks like they're back together,_ I thought sourly as I took another swig of my drink, Belvedere on the rocks.

Luce and Toby excused themselves and made their way towards the inseparable couple. Ivanna's hand kept going upwards until she reached my crotch and massaged it. "You know, you're a very sexy man Blake." I shrugged, smiling at her. "You _are_. I can't stop touching you." She pouted her lips and tried to catch my attention.

I bet my bank account appealed more to her, no doubt. She was dressed in a silver sheath, short dress with her platinum blonde hair and silver gray eyes that made her look like she came right off a fashion runway. She's gorgeous and she knows how to use that to her advantage. Although she's a tad delusional...I might just keep her around if she can manage to stop spouting crazy notions about her and me. Or I can just drop her and properly pursue Camilla—if I can get my act together.

Ivanna was actually not bad in bed—nothing astounding, but fairly decent. She was quite responsive and didn't seem to mind that I called her a different name. I couldn't help it you see—it just happened naturally even though I tried not to. Every single bloody fucking time I'm fucking someone, I imagine it's Sienna. I find it quite bizarre and mystifying. _Am I going crazy?_

I smirked when I thought of doing the same thing with Camilla—she would be aghast and would never speak to me again. She's such a sweet, proper woman. That is why I have to be rid of Sienna if I do decide to consider her. Or if not, at least stop myself from screaming Sienna's name while I'm buried nine inches deep inside her.

The woman I loathed, along with her ever-dedicated Kyle, strode with Toby and Lucy towards our booth. I leaned over and whispered seductively in Ivanna's ear, "Keep doing that...you might just get rewarded tonight. Can't help it can you?"

She shook her pretty blonde head, "How? That's impossible. You gave me two mind-blowing orgasms," she announced with no filter whatsoever and right in front of our FOUR approaching guests. Ivanna kept smiling at the newcomers. I heard Toby and Kyle break out in riotous laughter.

_Perfect_ , just in time.

Toby and Luce slid in first. That left room for only one more person. "Come sit on my lap babe." The idiot slid next to Toby and pulled Sienna by her waist, positioning her on his thigh.

_Brilliant_ , just bloody fucking brilliant!

The lovebirds sat before Ivanna and me. I didn't even bother introducing Ivanna to them. I was raging with madness. I was trying to reason with myself—that I had to get used to seeing her with someone else from then on. But I couldn't see straight! It was like waving a large crimson flag at a raging, wild and uncontrolled bull. All I saw was the red flag waving, baiting me to take a good hit at Kyle Matthews once again.

Oh, I was _sure_ he loved this uncomfortable situation. I knew he'd savor this sweet victory of his and rub it on my jealous face. He was doing a splendid job. I was just about to lose it when Toby spoke.

Thank _God_! _At least there's one person here looking out for me so I don't grab Matthews by the throat and throttle him._ He was fairly muscled, but I was much bigger and stronger–thanks to rugby football and boxing. In my pastime, I like to row and sail, when I get a chance. The man wouldn't stand a chance against me.

"Ivanna, this is a good friend of ours, Sienna, and her friend Kyle." Toby cleared his throat and continued, "Uh, this is Ivanna—Blake's—uh." He was at a loss for words, bugger.

"Lover...girlfriend...whatever fits," Ivanna airlessly offered. "So, you two are a couple? That was super sweet with you singing to her like that, Kyle." Her accent was much more pronounced with her roll of the words.

"Thanks! Yeah—it was actually a surprise. I sang to her a few years back but I've been practicing for quite some time now. I enjoy it a lot. Did you like it, babe?" He asked, addressing his "babe."

"Um, that was very sweet, Kyle. You did great." Her murmuring voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Kyle's only fault is that he loves Sienna, as do I. If he wasn't after her like a rabid dog waiting on the sideline when Sienna and I were together, I could've taken a liking to him. He seemed to get on nicely with Toby but I couldn't bring myself to be civilized enough to make pleasantries when I was incensed with Sienna. I didn't even bother looking up at them. _I can't risk it with my current frame of mind._

Instead, I grabbed my drink and annihilated it.

The leader of the band, Will, came over to our table and thankfully dragged Kyle back with him to join the band for drinks. "You coming with us, foxy?" Will asked Sienna who gave him a stunning smile. Yep, the lapping bloke didn't stand a chance when she smiled like that.

"No thanks, I'm staying with my friends for awhile. I'll catch up with you guys later." He pouted and placed a hand on his heart.

"How you keep breaking my heart! Got to dash—but do call me when you're ready for that date I asked you about! I won't disappoint. I swear it." She laughed throatily as he headed back to Kyle and his friends.

"Are you going on a date with _him_?" Ivanna inquired.

Sienna's smile died as she shook her head. "No, it's not like that with Will. He's just horsing around."

"Because you're in love with that Kyle over there?" Ivanna's choice of words made her sound blatantly foreign. Sienna glanced at Lucy and back to Ivanna. "Kyle and I have been the best of friends since we were kids, of course I love him."

"Sienna...I like that name a lot...don't you _think so_ baby?" She glanced at me with an accusing glare. Ha! She finally figured out whose name I screamed every time I climaxed.

Ha bloody ha.

I merely shrugged. "Sure, if you think so."

Sienna gave me a small smile, "How was your trip to Italy?" Her eyes were rimmed heavily with kohl black liner and it made her eyes stand out...making them absolutely... _spellbinding_.

I looked at her, dead in the eye. My hate/love/fascinated/violent emotions drilled into her with a glance. She looked perplexed and kept staring at me like she was seeing me for the very first time.

"Fine," I responded curtly without much ado. We aren't friends any longer. No need to chitchat about where to and how to.

"Uh, that's good to hear then." She kept staring at me and bit her lip when I ignored her.

"Don't mind Blake love—he's quite spent from his Energizer Bunny-like lifestyle," Luce drawled. " _Tell me_ —did you know that Kyle could actually sing? You never let on." Blimey, the woman seriously doesn't like me at the moment.

"He used to play for me—it was merely a hobby. What he did tonight was sweet, really," she said with a smile.

"Mind letting us in on what the 'promise' was?" Lucy asked giddily.

I did want to know and I didn't. I didn't know how I could survive sitting at this table with Sienna for very much longer without breaking down or doing something drastic.

She looked shy and discomfited for a second. "I um...sort of promised to um...consider him again. Trial period and such—but I haven't given him an answer yet." Her words hung in the air as she stared back and forth between Toby and Lucy.

"Are you sure that's wise, Sienna? Do you remember the reason you two broke up in the first place?" Toby asked with all sincerity.

"Don't make any hasty decisions. But I get where you're coming from—he is your first love and your best friend. The unbreakable bond between you two is remarkable. Think it through before breaking that barrier again," Luce chimed in.

None of us wanted Sienna to be back with Kyle. All of us knew and felt the same way. But at the end of the day, it was all up to her.

I was elated that she was not back with him but a bit squashed that she was even thinking of getting back with him.

What happened to the "I'm not going back to a cheater" speech she used to say?

# Chapter 41

### sienna

"I know..." I said, murmuring to myself more than anyone else.

Contrition and bitterness latched on like a disease while sitting across from Blake and his arm candy. She was all over him like a rash, gripping his arms and kissing his neck. He looked like he was enjoying every ounce of attention she was bestowing upon him.

To make matters worse, she was freaking stunning. _I bet she has endless legs hiding beneath the table._ They looked flawless together. _When did they meet? Is she his girlfriend? I thought they said that Blake was playing the field; surely having a proper girlfriend is not part of the picture?_

Blake didn't hide his feelings towards me. His actions and the way he spoke to me proved that he simply didn't care. Maybe I needed to expose myself to this new, harsh Blake, so I would be immune to it and it wouldn't bother me as much. When our eyes met for a brief second, my world stopped spinning. They took me _in_ and swallowed me whole. I knew I loved him and I wished with all my might that it would go away. But it seems the more I fought it—the stronger the infuriating force became.

Luce was ticked off with Ivanna, for reasons I have yet to drill out of her. I glanced over at Kyle, catching his eye. He waved back and motioned for me to join them, I smiled. I should have left the table to join Kyle, but I didn't want to. I liked being close to Blake—even with his arm candy stuck to him.

My phone vibrated in my purse. When I took it out, the caller was unfamiliar. My gut churned. _Shit, wasn't this the hospital's number?_ I paled. _Chad!_ _This call is about Chad_.

_God, please God. Don't let anything happen to him. Please....please. He's such a sweet soul; don't take him away._

I prayed as I lifted the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I rushed out of the booth and hastily exited the bar to talk outside.

"Ms. Richards? This is Dr. Hill, Chad's doctor." I choked up as tears started to fall down my face.

"Please don't tell me anything bad...don't do that. Please tell me he's okay." I sniffed in between hiccups. I was so petrified at the thought of losing Chad, that I didn't even realize the people passing by on the sidewalk were staring with avid curiosity.

"Actually, no, that's not the reason I called. We're calling because we have some good news. Your friend is awake. He woke up thirty minutes ago."

What?! _Thank heavens!_ I knew he'd come through; I had felt it.

"This is such a miracle! We're all leaving to come see him now. Tell him we'll see him soon!" A bubble of excitement sprung out of me. As I turned around, wiping the tears from my eyes, I ran into a hard muscled chest. I swallowed and slowly lifted my eyes all the way up to _his_. He looked worried.

"What's happened? Why are you crying?" Blake gently wiped away my tears with his thumbs. His touch made me weep more. _I miss you_...my heart pounded with suffering.

"It's Chad; he's awake. We have to go see him right away."

After I told Blake, he gathered everyone from the booth and waved over a cab. I heard Blake ask his driver to take Ivanna back to her apartment with his car. I was hoping they weren't serious about each other. But the way she kissed his cheek and clung to him as they said their goodbyes, broke me. I couldn't stand seeing him with anyone.

Not one word passed from our lips during the cab ride. We were happy and petrified at the same time. I rushed out of the cab the second it hit the hospital pavement. I raced through the emergency room to get to Chad's room. It was past midnight and after visiting hours.

I turned around when I heard a long whistle from one of the male hospital staff. _Oh, boo!_ I forgot I was wearing a blasted corset, leather pants and killer boots. Men and their libido...they can't even control it in the hospital where there are sick and dying people about.

"You better keep your opinions to yourself if you want to keep your job," Blake's angry voice barked from behind me. The male staffer mumbled an apology and left the area.

_Damn it, I love it when he's all territorial._

I was about to open Chad's door when Lucy stopped me. "Sienna— _wait!_ Let's do this together." Holding each other's hands, I turned the knob slowly and we entered the quiet room.

"Bout time you guys got here! I've been waiting for ages! I think I've grown a few white hairs already," Chad whined with a tired voice. I ran to his bed and hugged the life out of him.

"You ghastly man! You gave us all a fright!" I said, clearly relieved and happy.

Wiping my tears away with the back of my hands, Luce jumped on the bed and kissed Chad all over his face. "Don't you dare—ever do that again! You caused me so many wrinkles, my love!" She laughed at her absurdity.

Blake and Toby sat silently on the foot of the bed. Though we were all relieved, worry was still etched in both of their faces. "I'm glad to have you back mate. We've all been vigilant. You don't understand how happy we are that you're awake." Toby smiled at Chad.

Chad started to tear and I felt gutted, feeling his misery. "I'm sorry...I couldn't take it anymore. I felt trapped and I was...drowning rapidly. I barely had the chance to take a breath. I'm grateful that I have you guys to love and support me." He took a deep breath and his lips wobbled before he spoke again. "It all started when I got a call from my parents a month ago. They heard a rumor that I was gay. I never told them because they're very religious people as I told all of you before—but they are on the _extreme_ side. I didn't even bother denying the accusation because it was the truth. And I thought...why not? There will never be the 'right time' to come out of the closet. It was now or never. They both called me names and said I was a disgrace. They said they would have given me up for adoption, had they known they were raising a gay son. I was so consumed with sorrow and grief that I decided to party with a few friends that used coke. I took a few hits to make myself feel better. For a short time, I was numb from my feelings and _I loved it_." He sniffed and I touched his arm.

"Sweetie—you don't have to say anything right now. Maybe you should rest."

He shook his head, "Thanks...but no. I have to get this out. I have to let it out." I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"After that first try—I did more over the next few days. They introduced me to gambling and my coke consumption accelerated daily. My body started to weaken from lack of sleep and nutrition, but I didn't care anymore. The night before we met at the pub to catch up, my parents called again. It was a short call...just basically telling me that I was disowned and that they'd ship all of my things here or they would donate it. My mom—we used to be so close–I felt betrayed that she wasn't there for me. She became cold and distant—she didn't even sound like my mom. She told me she hated me and never wished to see me again. That call ended me—it ended everything that I believed in. So, I went out with the same coke crowd—feeling like a piece of shit and worthless. That night, I consumed a large amount of coke and drank alcohol until I passed out. I didn't want to live anymore."

Lucy hugged him. "Chad—you should've told us. I didn't have a clue, nor did Sienna. We felt so helpless. I'm sorry..."

We all sobbed quietly together, even Toby looked teary; Blake mainly looked grieved. Our little reunion was interrupted when Dr. Hill entered the room. "I see you've been catching up with your mates." He smiled at all of us. "We have to run a few more tests and I need Chad to be well rested. You're all more than welcome to come back tomorrow."

We were all hesitant to leave him in the hospital alone—but we had to follow the doctor's orders. We took turns saying goodbye. When it was my turn, I held him tightly and kissed his forehead. Looking at Chad's dark sorrow-filled eyes, "Life has its way of testing our limits and this won't be the last time it will try to take you down. But know that—when you're beaten and drowning-we're all here to help pull you out of the dark. That's what we're here for. We love you." As I kissed his forehead, Chad smiled brightly at me.

"Thanks, baby love."

I gave him a little wave before leaving the room and promised him that we'd all be back tomorrow morning.

Hopping in a cab, we were all silent again. I smirked at the thought that we all seem to remain quiet when we're in the car together lately. Someone's stomach growled, breaking the eerie silence. Lucy laughed like she was being tickled. We all joined in—her laughter was contagious. I caught a glimpse of Blake laughing and I felt my heart convulse with agony. He looked like the Blake...the old Blake...happy and amorous. I think we all felt relieved that our friend was out of the woods. I couldn't pray enough to send my thanks to the big man up there.

"Sorry fellas—but I'm peckish," Toby declared.

"What do you fancy? We could grab something on the way home." Luce kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Spaghetti."

She smiled. "Then spaghetti it is." Kissing her forehead, he whispered "I love you" and she happily sighed, returning the sentiment.

I looked away and faced the window, trying to distract myself. Hordes of people were walking about drunk and boisterous, clearly enjoying their night as they laughed about—and yet, I was blindly seeing nothing. How I wish my mom and dad were alive. If they were here to help guide me and give me advice—then maybe I wouldn't be such a broken person. If I had grown up with my parents, I'd probably be a different person. But alas, luck wasn't on my side. I am what I am—no point in wishing and dwelling otherwise. I want what Toby and Luce have. But for me to be able to achieve that, I have to break down all the barriers I have erected around me. That's a tough predicament to embark upon, and I'm not ready to be blatant and open.

The cab stopped outside our building and Toby paid the driver. We all departed the cab and went inside. Once inside the confines of the apartment, Luce made her way to the kitchen to cook pasta. The smell of warm vanilla and honey permeated the air. I felt calm and relaxed for the first time in weeks.

I was about to place my purse down on the counter when I heard my phone vibrate. Fishing it out of my purse, I scanned the screen. I had thirty-two missed calls from Kyle, ten voicemails and a dozen text messages; guilt ate at me. I had seriously forgotten about him. I didn't even say goodbye because we were a fraught with emotions the moment we heard that Chad had woken up.

_My, I'm so terrible._ Why doesn't he give up on me? _Because he loves you and he vowed to marry you when he was ten years old, that's why._

I went into the living room, sat on the couch and dialed Kyle. Our flat had an open space floor plan and I could hear Luce chopping her heart away in the kitchen while Toby and Blake sat around the counter drinking wine as they chatted about.

"Hey...sorry I didn't say goodbye before leaving, but the hospital called and informed me that Chad woke up. We all rushed to get there without much thought." Hearing his depressing sigh, I waited for him to say something.

"You could have at least texted me on the way—but you didn't even bother." He sounded so sad. And it was all because of me. _Why didn't I just shoot him a text message? Why didn't I think of it?_ I berated myself. _Because you simply forgot about him...period._

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd worry like this."

"Just try to remember that the next time you do something like this."

We chatted for another ten minutes and he asked about Chad. It didn't feel right to tell him about Chad's confession. So, I left that part out. It wasn't my story to tell; it was Chad's. He made me promise to call him tomorrow and we said our goodnights.

I made my way into the kitchen and the smell of brewing tomato sauce and basil made my stomach growl.

Smiling, I sat on the stool in between Blake and Toby. Blake poured me a glass of red wine and carefully placed it before me. He was still distant but he was reaching out. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I murmured "Thank you."

"Can someone please set the table?" Lucy asked while she tasted her pasta sauce. Both of the men offered and set out to do their duty.

"What can I do to help? Do you guys want garlic bread?" They all said yes in unison. My mood was cheerful and I dashed to get my phone, placing it on the player for some music. I chose the light jazzy beats of Emilie-Claire Barlow and started with "Les Yeux Ouverts _,"_ her own French rendition of the famed song "Dream A Little Dream Of Me."

In the kitchen, I hunted for a French loaf and cut it up. Taking out a baking tray, I placed all the slices of bread on it before I slathered them with butter, a dash of garlic and onion powder and finishing it with a hint of dried parsley. I placed the tray in the oven and timed it for eight minutes.

Dinner was served and we devoured the entire dish. We finished the pasta to the last drop of sauce and to the very last crumb of garlic bread. We drank three bottles of red wine together and we were soon feeling the effects of a food coma.

Toby stretched lazily, yawned loudly and tapped his flat stomach. "That was marvelous! You've delightfully sated my appetite Luce. Now it's time to quench my other ravenous cravings."

She laughed and threw a napkin at him. "Toby! Have you no shame?" Her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink.

"Oh, what rubbish—we all like sex here. What do you say mate? Mind telling us how those two mind-blowing orgasms came about in the mile high club?"

I bit my lip, not knowing if I should laugh or cringe. Toby's tongue was loosened by the wine and he was grilling Blake about his fucking sex life with Ivanna in front of me. Toby mentioned the "mile high club" meaning Blake was fucking the lights out of her on his way to Italy. That could only mean one thing...if he took Ivanna with him to meet his family...then they were really serious about each other.

"I don't want to discuss my sex life Toby." His jaw muscles locked; the question clearly bothered him.

"Toby! That's enough, love. You're clearly knackered and in dire need of sleep. Go get ready for bed while I clean and wash up." Luce pulled him out of the chair and directed him to her bedroom.

"You two go—I'll wash up. You cooked–it's my turn to clean," I offered. Grateful, Luce gave me a quick hug and did the same with Blake, bidding us both goodnights.

The flat seemed a bit quiet without those two in the room. Even with the soft music playing, the tension was palpable.

I got up and gathered all the plates and dishes and deposited them in the sink. I rinsed and placed them in the dishwasher. Blake quietly handed me all the used wine glasses to wash while he took care of wiping the table and the counter. He returned the coasters, table placemats and bottle openers to where they're supposed to be. He knew this apartment like it was his own.

Wiping my wet hands with the dishtowel, I went over to my phone and took it out of the music player. Blake was leaning against the counter with his arms folded on his chest and his right foot over the other one. His eyes zeroed in on me, liquid midnight blue-silver beautifully flecked with scattered gold. The silver and blue overpower each other sometimes—depending on his mood. I had forgotten the power his magnetic gaze had over me—now I was fully _reacquainted_ by their compelling magnetism and the sexual aura the owner exuded.

"Thanks for helping me clean up—you didn't have to but I appreciate it all the same." He merely shrugged, never taking his liquid silver eyes off me.

Pressing my lips together, I studied his big manly-shaped hands with intense scrutiny as the thought dawned on me that those same hands had caressed another woman today.

_Don't. Don't go there. Don't torture yourself._

"I'm going to bed now—do you want me to call you a cab or are you going to call your driver to pick you up?"

"I gave Robert the rest of the night off. I didn't see the need for him to wait for me at the hospital. He has a family to go home to." A considerate man that'll be running a multi-billion dollar company—I bet the people who worked for him loved that about him. He was a fair man and quite receptive to other's needs.

"You want me to call you a cab to take you back to your apartment in Mayfair, or would you'd rather be somewhere else?" I couldn't bring myself to say "or would you'd rather go to Ivanna's place" because I was a ninny. And I wasn't sure I wanted to dwell on the idea, yet again, of their mile high orgasms.

"I don't go _home_ to Mayfair. I could go to my office or get a room at the Savoy but I don't want to bother with it. I'm exceptionally and genuinely knackered. Do you mind if I crash on the couch?" He asked whilst raking a hand through those wavy locks of his.

_What happened to his flat in Mayfair?_

"Are you _sure_? You're quite tall...you won't fit on there."

_Fuck, why won't he just go home and leave me in peace?_

"I'm sure. All I need is a pillow and a blanket; then I'm quite set to snooze." He did look tired but still dangerously...breathtakingly handsome...and sexy... _and_ I was sexually frustrated.

"Why don't you just share the bed with me? The size will allow us both enough room to sleep comfortably." _Stupid, stupid woman! Go ahead and set yourself up with more torture._

_Sweet torture_ , perhaps?

"You don't mind?" He asked, bewildered. I shook my head feeling nervous all of a sudden.

_Fuck! Blake in my bed...again! Shit. Don't get too excited or have you forgotten about Ivanna?_ There it was. The thought cleared away all of the fog hanging over my semi-functional brain.

_No sexy time for me. I should rejoice really...not a good choice to hook up with an ex...that I'm not over._

Turning off the lights in the kitchen, I strolled to my bedroom. I was fully aware of Blake's presence following closely behind me. Once in the room, I took my nightwear from the drawer and excused myself to the bathroom to shower. I hung my pistachio-colored, silk sleep shorts with a matching silk camisole on the silver rack. I was about to take my clothes off when I cursed myself for being an idiot. _How in the hell am I going to take this damned corset off? I can't reach it._

Reaching for the doorknob, I opened the door and waltzed back to my bedroom. Blake was lying on my bed fully clothed without his shoes and his eyes shut. _Crap, do I wake him up?_ He looked so peaceful.

I moved a little closer to the bed, wanting to drown in his dark beauty. Dark, long lashes sat fanned above his cheekbones. The memory of those lips and what they did to me made me flush with need. I wetted my dry lips and swallowed. _Maybe it's been too long since the last time?_

_Hell, yeah it's been too long! And what...plan to have Blake execute that burning dilemma? No! Yes...maybe?_ Ivanna... _think of that name and you'll snap right back._

"Appeased your appetite yet?" He asked with his eyes closed. His soft voice made me jump.

"No!—it wasn't like that." He opened his eyes and lifted his perfect brow.

"I need help with my corset," I mumbled like an idiot while his eyes darkened. I sat next to him with my back turned and gathered my long hair to my right shoulder while I waited for him. I heard him sit up _but_ he still didn't make a move to unlatch the complicated closures. After another minute of waiting, I took my boots off, one after the other.

I huffed with utter annoyance, "Have you fallen asleep?"

"No" he whispered, _quite_ closely to my ear. _Shit._

I closed my eyes when I felt goose bumps rise all over my body. _Jesus, this is going to be a long night._

" _Who_ managed to help you put it on, Sienna?" Tricky question, but I knew what he was getting at. Why did he care? He had been fucking his way all over Europe. Trojan horse sounds fitting.

"Kyle was here to help me. Can we please get on with it? I want to take my make-up off and shower. I don't have all night," I snapped at him.

I heard him sigh heavily before he swiftly unhooked all the closures in less than a minute. Damn him and _his_ women. He could have all the Ivanna's in the world. I wasn't going to let him erode my thoughts with his play of sexual chicanery.

But I was more than happy to oblige _his_ and let it run amuck.

# Chapter 42

### blake

The second I unhooked the last hook, Sienna stood up and strode to the other side of the room. I watched, fully fascinated, as she took off her corset and placed it next to the hamper, letting her perky, glorious breasts pique my attention. My mouth hung ajar when I saw her wiggle her hips out of the fitted leather pants and dump them inside the hamper. Her engine red, lacy thong followed suit.

My throat ran dry. My pulse quickened and my cock immediately hardened.

After her rousing little striptease, she trotted back to the bathroom.

_Bloody fuck_ , I was infinitely bewitched!

Letting my head fall back, I shut my eyes and groaned with a heavy yearning frustration. My cock throbbed as I replayed the scene in my head. I cursed again. I wanted her so badly—I was helpless. But I knew she wouldn't touch me knowing what I had been up to lately. _Well_ , especially after knowing that bit of information involving Ivanna earlier.

It was without a doubt—the purest, unmitigated torture in its finest, truest, blasted, cruel form.

When she came out of the shower wearing a puny silk outfit, I lifted myself off the bed and charged straight to the bathroom. I needed a long— _icy cold_ shower. I turned the cold knob to the coldest temperature possible. My blood was boiling with rabid fervor thinking of Sienna's naked body. I could have tried to relieve myself in the shower but I knew it wouldn't make a difference since I'd be sleeping right next to her.

I dried myself off and slipped on my black boxer briefs. I neatly placed my clothes next to her robe and strode out of the bathroom. The room was dark and I could barely make her out in the bed. Her back faced me and I quietly slipped right next to her rigid form. She was wide awake but she pretended to sleep.

Turning on my side, I faced Sienna's back. I shut my eyes and controlled my breathing. I basked in Sienna's floral scented hair. Calm contentment washed over me. _I could do this all night—smelling her without touching, not sleeping a wink,_ I blissfully thought.

She shifted, hugging her pillow tightly. After five minutes, she shifted again and huffed, adjusting her pillow.

"Sienna?"

"Yes?" she whispered.

"You can sleep on my chest if you want...it used to make you sleep better."

She didn't respond, letting the words hang in the air. I was about to turn on my back when I heard her whisper. "Can you hold me?"

My entire body stilled rigidly. I was nothing but a hot-blooded man. _How in God's name will I control the stirrings in my body if I hold her close?_

When she sighed, I pushed the lust-filled thoughts at bay and pulled her close against my chest. She curved her body against mine and I caught myself before I moaned loudly. Her toned, pert bottom cushioned against my ever growing erection.

_Was she goading me?_ I was a step away from losing it and tossing caution out of the window.

My mind ran provoking thoughts of ravaging her delectable body and burying myself in her tight, juicy cunt. My sanity and control were being tested to the hilt—and I was... _slipping_. I was only a hairsbreadth away from failing and surrendering to my yearning desires.

She wiggled again and I hissed furiously on her ear. "Sienna!"

"Are you...hard?" She questioned innocently. I groaned in frustrated protest.

"Why is _your_ cock hard and poking my butt, Blake?" The wrench feigned innocence.

"Because you openly taunt me— _driving me insane after that little display of stripping naked_ —knowing damn bloody well I have a hard time resisting you."

"You're doing great— _you're_ resisting now." _Tease_ , what a bloody tease. I growled and reached inside her silk camisole, stroking her soft navel in rhythmic circles.

Dear Almighty, she felt marvelous.

My lips clenched against her ear as I softly whispered, "Do you want to test my limit, Sienna? _Try me_ and see where it will take you." Her breathing hitched, her chest rose rapidly from her shortened breathing.

_If she wants to play...well, I will aim to please._

I stroked upwards and leisurely traced the outline of her boob; she moaned and ground her plump ass on my rigid cock.

FUCK.

ME.

The friction of her grinding made me squirt—a drop of juice seeped out of my throbbing dick. I kissed her neck and fiercely bit into her hot flesh, pinching her nipple at the same time. She gasped and moaned my name. _I love how she moans my name._ _It's the best sexy fucking sound in the world,_ I thought with hungered desire.

She turned over and captured my mouth.

The moment our lips touched—all hell broke loose. I forgot about everything. I was lost and the only thing that mattered was the woman I love, kissing me hungrily, passionately.

_I never kissed another woman after you... only you. Only you have the power to unman me and drive me senseless. I have a wild need to possess you_ , my thoughts streamed.

She hooked her leg over my hips and shamelessly grinded her soaked silk shorts against my shaft. She stopped to lift her cami off her upper body and went back to scavenge for more kisses. The feel of her breasts erotically pressed against my hard chest making me rampant with lust. I greedily thirsted for more...and _I'm thirsty_...very fucking thirsty...to drink up and suck all that succulent juice of ambrosia from her well of dripping juices until she begged me to stop.

"I want to feel...touch you Blake—"

"I won't oblige you with sex Sienna—I'm not going to do that to you."

She looked lost for a second. Her beautiful face contorted.

"I had sex with Ivanna earlier. I don't plan on tainting you that way. You're worth more than that." My wretched voice matched what I felt, dastardly.

Sienna looked pained as she nodded. She then whispered, "Okay, definitely no sex. But—could you slip your boxers off and kiss me again?"

_Hell_.

Damn it to hell and back!

I got out of bed and slipped off my underwear, throwing it on the floor. I went back to the beautiful siren whose swollen lips were slightly parted as she hungrily stared at my manhood. As much as I loved her on her knees sucking me dry, I couldn't do it— _not to her_. Memories of Ivanna doing the same act earlier today snapped my senses back into reality. _I really have to harness my raging libido before I have her suck me off, or better yet, devour her all night long._

I badly wanted to position myself above her while we made out—but it was too utterly close and too dangerous. So, I settled back to my old position and kissed her senseless. Cupping her cheek, I obliterated her lips. She hooked her blasted leg over my hips again and my cock sat underneath her hot cunt, but _thankfully,_ she refrained from grinding. We kissed and I blatantly moaned when she ran her nails over my sensitive nipple. Still kissing, she took her leg off my hips and lifted her ass as she slipped off her skimpy shorts.

I groaned in agony. _Sienna is definitely not making this easy, is she?_

She jumped back into my arms and I grabbed her face—trapped her with my lips. I couldn't get enough of her kisses. They were the reason I couldn't kiss anyone else. Kissing is intimately closer to your soul than the mere act of fucking a nameless hot stranger. Sex can be mechanical. _But kissing_ —you're baring your dark, deepest secrets and giving it away freely—no holds barred. The only woman I wanted to kiss was Sienna. No one else mattered after her.

My thoughts vanished when she hooked her damning leg on my hip again and placed my throbbing cock under the _hotness_ of her dripping, sweet wet juices. _Holy Mother_!

_Damn that leg, it's killing me!_ "Sienna—"

"Shhh—no sex, I know..." She traced the outline of my bottom lip and bit into it.

I hissed in frustration; everything was going erratic and I seemed to have lost _all_ brain activity. "You like that, don't you bad boy?" Sienna's sexy voice rasped at me.

My cock twitched in response.

"Can I taste you Blake? I want you to unload in my mouth," she asked, biting her bruised bottom lip.

The image she made me conjure in my head, sucking me off, almost made me combust in agony. "No—that's not part of the deal either." Was that hollow voice from me?

" _Why?_ Have you been reckless with protection?" Her breathing was ragged as she waited for my answer.

" _Never_ —you were the only woman I didn't use a condom with. But that's beside the point, Sienna. We shouldn't— _you_ shouldn't keep pressing the issue!"

"Fine, just kiss me like your life depends on it." I chuckled and obliged the lady's request. My hand travelled to her breast and I fondled it with a ferocity that matched my fevered kisses. She panted wildly and rocked her hips. Her wet pussy slid back and forth on my length and it felt bloody _fucking_ glorious—I wanted to drown in her hot molten heat. But I couldn't— _I must control myself._

My heart pounded wildly as her rocking became intense. She was getting deliriously frenzied and I took my cock away from her dangerous cunt. Instead, I compromised with inserting my middle finger inside her pussy. I wanted to insert two fingers but I didn't know if she was that aroused to take on that much capacity. I knew I made the right choice when I felt her pussy envelope my finger, oh _so_ tightly. I was dying with jealousy—wanting my cock buried in her wet tightness instead of my finger. My middle finger rubbed inside her as I gently rolled her on her back.

"...mmmm...Blake...ahh...yes! Just like _that_...fuck me with your fingers...just _like_ that..." she panted, arching her back. The picture of her in this state of arousal was a sight to behold.

"You look so beautiful, Sienna." My raspy voice was thick with need.

With her back arched, I bent over and captured her engorged nipple and bit it. She gasped and rocked her hips _harder_ against my finger. Her hunger for me made me want to lose control. I took my finger out of her pussy and traced her juices on her lips. Her lips parted and I stuck my finger inside her mouth. Sienna seductively sucked it with gusto. Her long hair looked disheveled and alluringly sexy. I growled, watching her sweet mouth engulf my entire finger, sucking it without mercy. The tip of her tongue tickled softly as she sucked.

I hovered over her body and threw a trail of kisses from her neck down to her navel. My hands spread her legs extensively and I positioned my head in between her thighs. I inhaled her aroma, smelling the beautiful fragrance of her sex. I salivated with anticipation. I traced her parted lips with the soft tip of my tongue. Sienna whimpered.

My heart pounded. I've craved her body for so long. I've gone for weeks on end without having a taste of her. But now that she's here, I will not deprive myself. I will relish every inch of her.

Taking my time exploring her sweet honeyed pussy, she became wantonly livid. I indulged her deprived state. Piercing my tongue in and out of her hole and tracing it back up to her aching nub. I furiously flicked it with my tongue and inserted a finger inside her—but this time I didn't plan to stop until she came apart in my mouth. I wanted her consumed with carnal passion, wild and unrestrained with blatant unadulterated lust as she begged and moaned my name. I've hungered for her sweet nectar every fucking day. I planned to take pleasure in demolishing and ravaging her with my voracious appetite—until she was undermined and spent from my ministrations.

After giving her back to back orgasms, her body started shaking. Sienna's depleted body sheened with perspiration.

"Kiss me," she begged.

_My beautiful wanton woman_ , I thought as I crawled towards her naked spent form against the sheets and greedily sought her lips.

My body pushed against her while she planted her ankles on the back of my hips. I shifted a little on the side so my cock didn't _accidentally_ penetrate her. She sucked my tongue until she took all of her essence out of my mouth. I hissed against her lips when she placed her pussy entrance directly against the tip of my shaft. She rocked her hips back and forth, stroking and rubbing it wonderfully. "Sienna no— _don't_! That's too dangerous," I grumbled with evident anguish.

"Blake— _I want you_. I don't care—I just want you inside me. I _need_ you inside me!" She begged in desperation.

_This is wrong. Why doesn't she see it?_ I closed my eyes miserably and placed my heated forehead against hers, panting. Our hearts slammed violently against our chests.

"No...not _like_ this...never like this. I'm doing _this_ for you. So _please_ , I beseech you—don't tempt me. I'm nothing but a man. I can only withstand so much resistance before I yield into submission."

She cradled my cheek with her palm and gave me a chaste kiss. "Shhh, that's enough talking, I understand," she whispered, acquiescing to my demands.

Sienna kissed my cheek and left butterfly kisses on my neck. I gasped when she bit into my flesh and sucked it. Her soft tongue snaked to the back of my earlobe, licking and nipping. When her lips captured my lobe, I muttered a prayer. _Sienna..._

She started to move her hips again, making her cunt and my cock rub against each other with exquisite friction. I unconsciously followed suit, making her moan huskily. Her lips captured mine as she ran her hands across my back and dug her nails deep in my skin, scratching her nails across my butt cheek. It was raw and it painfully stung. I threw my head back and sniveled. My body shivered in response to her roughness. Sienna's lips sought mine again. She ran her nails over me for the second time starting from the back of my neck, _but this time_ —with grating force as her nails raked over my raw skin. I howled from the pleasurable pain. Her hands reached my ass cheeks, and gently massage them with soft strokes. She grabbed them with her nails, biting through my skin and forcefully pushing my ass forward. My cock speared inside her—her tight cunt cloaked and wrapped my ready-to-explode cock.

I tensed and desperately fought for coherency. I tried to get off her but her legs were unmovable and unyielding.

"Don't stop—I want all of you. _Don't_ —I won't forgive you if you do," she threatened, clearly determined to get her way.

Her vaginal muscles contracted and I knew I was losing the battle. I moved slowly and hesitantly as I took myself deeper into her core. _Dio mio, she feels incredible._

I examined her wanton state, shamelessly loving the feel of my cock filling her. "Have you been with anyone else—I know I don't have the right to ask, but I'm dying to know."

She bit her lip and shook her pretty head. " _No_ —not yet."

A tidal wave of jealousy and possessiveness roared through me. " _Not yet_? You plan to give yourself to someone else?" My cock throbbed temptingly in her pussy but my mind raced with thoughts of her fucking another man. I don't have the right to feel this way because I haven't been exactly running for martyrdom— _but I couldn't help it_. She gave herself to me—not Kyle or any other man—that _meant_ something.

"I don't know—I mean—it will eventually happen."

"You don't have the fucking right to speak about taking another man while I'm buried nine inches deep within your beautiful cunt! You gave yourself to me—and I'm taking what I'm entitled." I nudged my cock forward.

She looked angry. " _Fuck you_ , Blake! You're the one who's been fucking every goddamn woman who's willingly opened her legs for you. Why can't I do the same, huh? Double standard much? You don't have a say in regards to my sex life. I AM NOT YOURS!" When she's angered, she looks breathtakingly beautiful.

Incensed with rage from her ranting outburst, I buried my cock all the way to the tip of her—grazing the outer part of her cervix, she flinched. I remembered her pussy would tighten tremendously a week without fucking and it's been over two months now—she felt like a bloody virgin— _a very_ drenched virgin. I withdrew from her and went on my knees, then slammed my cock back inside. "Fuck me, Sienna? _I'll show you FUCKING!_ " My angered voice thundered, reverberated throughout the room.

Lifting her hips in an acute critical angle, I hammered her tight little pussy. I was eaten alive with vehement jealousy but I couldn't stop fucking her. I wanted to punish her— _my cock will make sure she understands how angry she's made me._ But my gorgeous wench wanted it just as much.

It was nonsensical.

We _were_ nonsensical.

I was about to orgasm, but stopped it from happening. I pulled out and harshly flipped her on her stomach. She barely managed to get on her knees and elbows before I pounded her again. Holding her hips firmly, I felt uninhibited and unleashed as I fucked the breath out of her. "You want another cock, _Sienna_? You want another man to _fuck_ this sweet little cunt of yours? Answer me, _damn you_!" I snarled. My demons were hounding my livid thoughts and I was enslaved to it.

Moaning and panting, she barely got a word out. My cock was demanding every inch of her and I didn't want it any less.

"ANSWER ME!" I bellowed in her ear.

"I don't—want another—cock—" she stuttered.

"You just _want_ mine, Sienna?" She moaned when I pummeled deeper.

"Only yours Blake," she whimpered, compliant.

Contented with her response, I wanted us to orgasm together. "I _own_ this cunt, Sienna! You should ingrain that into your pretty head." I pounded her hard, my balls brashly slapped against her pussy lips. The friction made her drenched. Her cunt was dripping, overflowing with juices—I felt it trickle down my balls. "Whether you like it or not—this body belongs to me! It knows its owner, its master... _do you hear that?_ That's your cunt my love—welling uncontrollably with need—for me and my cock." I felt her tighten and her body started to come apart. I pounded a few more times before finally releasing us into blissful satisfaction.

" _Mine_. Only mine," I hissed through gritted teeth as I unloaded my seed inside her. Her body convulsed marvelously around me.

She sagged on the bed and I followed suit, shifting us on the side with my cock still buried within her.

I didn't want to pull out.

I wanted to feel her all night—to be connected to her somehow. I kissed the back of her neck as she sighed contently.

"Thank you, Sienna—I will never forget tonight."

I kissed the back of her ear and held her securely on the waist. Her soft breathing lulled me to sleep.

# Chapter 43

### Sienna

I shifted from my body's uncomfortable sleeping position. I wanted to roll over to my other side but a strong hand hindered me from doing so.

_Blake_.

My eyes opened quickly in recognition. Blake...is here...next to me...tucked nicely next to me and sleeping peacefully...his semi-hard dick still jammed in me.

Gosh, last night was crazy! It was amazing, carnal... _raw_.

It was still dark but the sun was going to rise soon. It was probably about six in the morning or so. I altered my position a little but his steel arm hauled me back to him. I felt his cock slowly growing inside me. His breathing accelerated, and his heart thumped fiercely on my back.

_Shit, he's awake. What do I do? Does he know I'm awake? Crap. Do I turn around and say hi?_

He started to move his hips, burying himself deeper. He moaned against my ear. A flood of liquid sprouted from my core. He snaked his hand around my stomach to get in between my thighs. His breathing hitched as he parted my pussy lips and rubbed my clit with two strong fingers. I whimpered as I arched my back, angling my bottom so he could have better access. "Are you awake, poppet?" Blake's husky voice made me shiver.

Sexiest fucking voice _ever_!

He toyed with my breast while his cock stroked me passionately. "You know I am...you slept with your dick inside me," I stated in a matter of fact tone.

"Much easier for us in the morning, don't you think? I love the feel of you stretching to accommodate me. I feel honored to share this with you." _My God_ , when he says things like that—I become hopeless.

I was so turned on, I was going postal with need.

I was fantastically sore from last night—but feeling him harden inside me—and the fact that I love how he fucks me—I couldn't deny myself.

_This will be the last time_...I made myself promise.

He pulled out and rolled me on my back, parting my shaky legs and positioning himself over me. His heated gaze seared me—dynamic eyes paralyzed my mind and body.

"You're beautiful Blake." My mind was racing and my throat felt like a rock was stuck in it. _I'm so in love with you...I don't know how to stop...but I must._

"Sienna...when you look at me like that—I _feel..._ complete."

_No, let's not go there._

_It's too much...too soon._

I reached for his cock and guided him inside me. I recoiled from the burning pain his shaft caused from parting and stretching my pussy. But when he filled me—the pleasure of having him inside overran the seething pain. "Are you sore, poppet?"

"A bit." He instantly tensed. "I can stop. I don't want to hurt you—last night I was too rough with your body—I was out of control. I'm sorry." My palm touched his cheek. I gazed at him; my heart swelled at the sight of the man I love.

"I was with you all the way, Blake. I wanted you to be out of control. I was so turned on that I didn't care."

He smiled charmingly; his eyes twinkled mischievously. "When you say things like that—I go ballistic. I can't get enough of you and your beautiful body, Sienna." He folded my legs, pushed and pressed them against my breasts, and pinned them with his hands. " _I need you_. Stop me if I become too rough—I get so carried away...I forget to make sure you're being pleasured."

My hunger was growing adamantly and I wanted him to lose control—I loved seeing him out of control. "Pound my little raw pussy, Blake. _Don't be scared_ —I love the pain and pleasure you give me. Don't hold back! Give me your all."

A guttural sound came from him, "Jesus _fucking_ Christ woman, have mercy on me."

We mated like animals and I devoured every single touch. I was hopelessly addicted to Blake–it was unhealthy. If he wasn't so exceptional in bed, he would be easy to forget. Okay, maybe not, total bull—but suffice it to say the man in question is _The_ Trojan horse.

And boy—he never held back. He was like a wild beast—utterly beautiful and so out of control!

We came together screaming. My orgasm was so powerful and violent that I passed out.

There were some clanking and other annoying noises coming out of the other room. The smell of breakfast wafted through my door. My stomach growled. I reached for Blake but he wasn't next to me. _He's probably outside talking to Toby._

I slid off the bed and paused after a few steps. _Goodness, I'm sore._ I slowly made my way to the toilet and viciously hissed when I peed. _Shit_ , I did ask for _it_. I did ask for him to go crazy...damn worth it though.

I ran a hot bath and soaked in it for awhile. I sighed happily when I felt the soreness subside. Oh, the magic of hot water. I washed my hair and scrubbed my sticky skin. After my bath, I lathered my body with rose scented cream. I was relieved when I didn't flinch whilst walking. There was still a little stinging going on but nothing acute. It was just a reminder that I had wild, delicious sex, no biggie.

I wore white leggings and a white fitted spaghetti top. I ran my hands through my damp hair and left my room to hunt for some food and coffee.

"Well someone looks radiant, though she barley slept," Lucy smiled cheekily.

_Oh, fudge cakes_. They must've heard us. Crap-crappity-crap.

"Good morning Lucy, Toby...Blake." I felt like I was floating on cloud nine, the wonders of multiple orgasms, surely.

"How many orgasms did Blake reward you with, hmmm?" Asked Lucy. Toby sputtered his coffee. Blake chuckled pulling me close to him.

"We were that loud, I take it?"

"Yup!" She said it with a popping sound.

That's the thing; when I'm with Blake, I lose consciousness of everything around me and simply lose my head along the way. "Uh, I apologize."

She gave me a flashing smile. "Don't be silly, love! The only way to drown out your loud moaning and groaning was to have Toby do the same to me. You two sounded quite... _animalistic_." She winked and went back to frying eggs and bacon.

Toby started coughing. "Blimey, Lucille!—I don't want to discuss our sex life with our friends during breakfast—save those juicy bits for dinnertime."

An unladylike snort came from me. "You guys—I need coffee before I join this madness."

" _Sure you do_ —Blake did a splendid job, eh?"

I smirked at Lucy's blatant question. "You two better not bombard me like that in the morning, now that Toby will be sleeping over when he's in London."

She smiled sweetly. "Of course not."

Toby and Luce started talking about Luce's sister who happened to call earlier, so that left me with Blake.

"Are you still sore, poppet?" Those dynamic eyes eyed me like laser beams.

I grinned, "I was, but not anymore. I took a hot bath."

He pulled me to his lap and kissed my forehead. His fingers caressed my cheek as he handed me his cup of coffee and we shared it.

We never shared coffee, _ever_. It was _weird_...but nice?

"Food's ready. Let's transfer everything to the table lads." Both men swiftly did their tasks. Blake made me another cup of coffee after I finished his and placed it next to my plate with a glass of orange juice. I graciously thanked him and he sat next to me. _Heck, what is going on?_

_What happens now?_ I weighed my confusing thoughts. _Well, what do you want to happen?_ Uh nothing...it was just sex, _wasn't it?_

There was a knock on the door. Toby left the table and went to answer it.

"Sienna—Kyle's _here_ ," Toby called out.

"You've got to be shitting me. Do you want me to shoo him out?" Luce asked, eyeing me and Blake. Luce was obviously panicked.

"You invited him over, _after last night?_ " Blake's dark biting voice made me tense. _Oh, boy_. He was back to being angry again.

"I didn't—but we've been spending breakfast together most mornings—I guess he thought—" I trailed off when Kyle came into view with a puzzled looking Toby.

"I brought you your coffee," he gestured with the Starbucks in his hand.

"Thank you—," getting up from my seat as I went to get it.

"Join us for breakfast Kyle. We have enough to go around." Luce offered politely.

Kyle sat on the corner side of me. "I didn't know everyone was here or I would've called. It's usually just me and Si. I don't want to interrupt."

"You weren't...we're all going to head out to see Chad anyhow." I reassured him.

We all started eating but the tension was thick. "Are we still leaving as scheduled to Marbella or are we waiting until we hear more on Chad's condition?" Toby asked in between bites of bacon.

"We'll wait until tomorrow. Chad needs us here for awhile and I promised Camilla that I'd take her out for lunch."

Lucy dropped her fork, " _The_ Camilla Clayworth? _Your_ Camilla Clayworth?"

"The very one," he confirmed smoothly.

_This is so messed up._ But I had no right to be angry when I invited Kyle to join us to eat, knowing full well that Blake would be infuriated. I couldn't possibly boot Kyle out the door. The man had been so good to me; I couldn't do it. I wasn't heartless.

_Breathe, just breathe. You can confront him later._

Toby and Blake's phones kept ringing and they were engrossed with whatever business it was they were handling. Luce was thinking deeply, and I knew what she was thinking about. She was probably asking the same questions as I was. If I was having monkey sex with Blake last night, why am I with Kyle and why is Blake planning a date with his ex-fiancé?

I stared at the coffee mug and the glass of orange juice Blake had planted in front of me before Kyle interrupted. He was actually being sweet all morning. I suppose that was one last shebang before breaking bread with his " _very one_ " Lady Clayworth.

After breakfast, Kyle decided to leave. I guessed he felt he was intruding or something. "I'll be back...I'll just walk him out," I called out to Lucy and she nodded sadly.

Once out the door, I took a lungful of air. "That bad huh?" Kyle looked amused.

"Just weird is all." He pulled me close to him and kissed my hair as we walked towards the elevator. He held me close as we rode all the way down to the main lobby. He turned me around and faced me squarely.

"Hey—I was thinking, can I take you on a real date soon? Just you and me."

"It's _always_ you and me, Kyle—what's with the date?" He smiled boyishly as his eyes danced.

"As I said, just you and me. No other people around. No work commitments. No one to bother us. Save me a weekend? It's a surprise."

"Surprise, huh..." I lightly punched him in the arm. "What is wrong with you? You totally know me well enough that I hate surprises, Matthews!"

"I know baby, but this time I'll make sure you love it."

"Better be good, this surprise, or it'll cost you, dearest." He pulled me close and connected our noses. "It's going to be better than good. Promise."

"I'll let you know when I can. I have to see how Chad's doing before I can give you an exact date." I kissed his cheek and untangled myself from him.

"Thanks babe. I'll call you later on. I love you." He flashed me another great smile before exiting the elevator.

My heart thudded loudly and I was having trouble breathing. I imagined going back upstairs. I pictured Toby and Blake looking downright mad.

_Let's get this show on the road, shall we?_

Upon entering the apartment, Luce was nowhere in sight and Toby was in the living room on his laptop, phone on his ear. I went to my bedroom and found Blake sitting on the rumpled bed. I closed the door softly and tensely sat next to him. _What happens now?_

"I guess this is really the end, Sienna," he whispered, toying with his phone.

"What—what do you mean?"

"I mean I'm done. I'm done obsessing about you. I'm just... _done_."

"Oh." It was all I could muster. He was moving on... _really_ moving on.

"Are you going to be with Camilla, Blake?" I waited for him to answer and while I waited, all I could hear was my heart breaking again. I stared at his neck. My bites from last night had left red marks. _Unknowingly_ , my finger traced them. His warm skin tingled against the tip of my finger.

He turned around to face me, trying to search for something in my eyes but I didn't know what. "It was all sex to you wasn't it?"

I shook my head, "No. It wasn't just all about sex."

His eyes thundered, "Don't lie to me! We both know it was. You used me to get over Kyle. Just come clean with it."

_Did I really do that? Use him to get over Kyle? Did I?_

I honestly didn't know. Everything happened so fast. I remembered being consumed by Blake every waking second after I got back from L.A. I probably used him one way or the other—I mean, who wouldn't want to be distracted with a man who looked like Blake?

"I'm sorry you feel that way. We happened so quickly—I didn't understand what was going on but I knew I wanted you. You made my body sing and it was addictive."

"Aren't you going to add 'and the mere fact that I fell quickly in love with you didn't help with my confusion?' _I can't_. I'm not ready...and our relationship is shattered. _It's done_ ," he said. "It all comes down to sex, doesn't it?" His soft voice sounded strangled.

"It does, but don't pretend you didn't relish the opportunity. You practically ravished me and swallowed me whole."

" _Why wouldn't I?_ I waited for months to have you! I had been so enchanted by you—you simply took my breath away!"

My eyes started to tear. "If you wanted me back that badly, why didn't you tell me about your engagement?"

"I was afraid you'd leave me and I didn't want to take a chance. But in the end, it didn't matter because you left anyway."

"It wasn't easy for me to leave you—you must know that! But I had to— _you lied_! You were engaged and God knows what you were doing behind my back. I didn't know if you had been seeing her while you were with me. I couldn't handle it." His jaw clenched.

I sat there vigilantly until he spoke again.

"Is there _any_ chance for us...to get back together?" His eyes looked desperate and pained.

"Blake—we've been here before." I nervously bit my lip to stop it from wobbling.

He wiped away the tears that were escaping from my eyes. "I'm sorry. Don't cry. I don't ever want to see you cry. I'm sorry." He gathered me in his arms and cradled my body while I silently wept.

After all my tears were spent, I stared at his soaked shirt. _I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss him terribly._ Like an addict, I moved closer to smell his skin and softly kissed it. My lips kissed all the way to the sensitive part on the back of his ear; his breathing hitched.

"This is _just sex_ for you, isn't it?" He asked softly.

"Is that so bad? Don't you like it with me?" I quickly glanced at him. He looked sad again.

"That's the _thing_ Sienna—I like it more than I should, given the circumstances."

I got off his lap and stripped before him. His eyes flashed hungrily over my breasts. "Do you want to take me one last time?"

"No!" He denied vehemently but his eyes were glued on my boobs. "Are you sure?" I rasped. I moved closer to him.

"Damn it, Sienna!" He roared and swiftly placed me flat on the bed in a blink of an eye. " _Is this what you want?_ " He asked as he painfully captured my nipple in his teeth.

"Yes," I responded with a moan.

His hand found my slick nub and rubbed it crassly. "All you _ever want_ is my cock, isn't it?" Blake hissed with loathing.

I should've stopped him. But I was delirious. "Blake—please...I want you."

"No!" He yelled in anger.

WTF!

" _What do you mean?_ Your hand's rubbing me and caressing my boobs!" I stared at him like he had lost his mind. Why was he touching me then?

"For bloody fucks sake! Didn't you hear me decline you?" He shrilled with apparent anger.

"I did—but I don't believe you."

He stared at me for a long time, and _then_ his smile turned wicked.

# Chapter 44

### blake

"I'll fuck you on one condition, Sienna"

"What is it?" Her eyes glazed with desire.

"I want you to spend five nights with me in Marbella. If it's sex you're after—you're going to get it. I want you ready for me every _single_ time I want you. If I ask you to open your legs, you open them without hesitation. I want to fuck you in all holes—in all ways imaginable. That's my condition."

She sat up and stared at me with a shocked and dismayed expression while I played with the crevice of her pussy. " _All_ holes?"

I smiled devilishly at her. "Yes, my sweet. I want to fuck you in the ass." The thought of her that way made me twitch in my pants. I've done it a few times and I loved it. It was different compared to pussy, but it was just as pleasurable.

"I've never tried that before."

"I know—that's why you'll want me to give it to you. I'll be your first and you won't have a chance in Hades about forgetting me."

"Can I think about it?" She hesitantly asked me. She looked like she was weighing her options. I reached out for her nipple and pinched it as my other hand rubbed her pussy.

"No, you can't think about it. It's either yes or no, and I want your answer right now." Her body started to quiver and she threw her head back, loving what I was doing to her. She was so fucking perfect, it hurt.

"What is it to be, my sweet? Will you submit yourself to me with no restrictions, or not?"

"I can't think when—you touchhh me llike thhat—" stuttering her words. I know it was cruel, but I didn't want her to say no. Sex was something she had a hard time saying no to. It was the best weapon.

"What, my love?" _Fuck! Don't call her that again you daft man!_

_"Yes...if that's what you wish..."_

Funny, I wished for more but she didn't want it. She just wanted to fuck. How bizarre was that? I never thought I would know how it felt to be used. What hurt even more was the fact that I loved the woman who used me.

"It is. Are you sure you will comply with my set of demands? I don't want you to say yes now and then say no tomorrow." Taking my hands off her, the thought of her backing out at the last minute didn't sit well with me.

"I promise—I won't back out. I think we both need this. We really need to get it out of the way. Tell me to jump and I'll ask how high. I'll do this for you—"

There was a knock on the door. "We're on our way to see Chad. Follow when you can. We'll meet you both there." Toby yelled against the door. We didn't speak until we heard the door slam shut.

"When do you want to leave for Marbella?" I want to leave now but we have to see Chad. I need to speak to his doctor and make arrangements. I want him to recover in Marbella. He needs a change of scenery. London will bring too many bad memories and his gambling druggie friends are running about town.

"Tonight—as soon as it can be arranged. I have to contact my pilot and speak to Chad's doctor first."

She reached up to me smiling. "Good, then I'll pack after we get back from the hospital. I'll go get changed now. I bet Chad's waiting for us." She scrambled off the bed but I caught her by the wrist. "Where do you think you're going? We're not done."

"We aren't?" Her golden green eyes dilated.

I captured her lips and made love to her slowly and gently. She had a little discomfort when I entered her, but all that vanished when she started orgasming. We rocked and came together.

I was going to love and worship her body for the next five nights. Five nights would be enough for me to get her out of my system, surely?

"Chad! The doctor cleared you to leave on Wednesday! Isn't _that_ great?" Sienna gave Chad a dazzling smile and kissed his cheek.

"I guess—that's good news..." he sounded off, like his thoughts were far away.

"I thought Luce and Toby were here?" I asked, studying his facial expression closely.

"They went to go get lunch. They should be back soon."

"Everything okay, mate?"

Chad shook his head. Sienna touched his arm and sat on the bed. "I really fucked up, you know—I mean, I totally did—I'm such an idiot."

"What did you do, Chad?" She patiently waited for him to answer.

"I did mention gambling last night, didn't I? I racked up a good amount of debt."

"How much is the debt, Chad?" Sienna calmly asked him.

"Right about half a million pounds, give or take."

"You _gambled_ half a million pounds...in _a month_?!! That's almost a million dollars, Chad! What the hell _were you_ thinking?" She screeched with a flabbergasted expression.

He balked. "That's the _thing,_ I wasn't thinking...I guess some of that amount went to getting cocaine too...I borrowed from a friend who has wealthy parents. It didn't seem to matter then."

"How do _you_ plan to pay for it?" Sienna started to look angry. She was getting really frustrated. Her brows started to furrow and she pressed her lips together.

"I don't know—I wanted to ask my parents but they disowned me—"

The nurse knocked as she barged in the room with a sunny smile. She was asking Chad all sorts of questions when Sienna quietly asked me to come outside with her. "We'll be back—I need to get coffee, okay?" She kissed his hand and I opened the door to let us out.

"There's a café down the street. We could go there." I offered.

She looked bewildered and annoyed. "Sure, that could work."

Crossing the pedestrian walkway, I guided her next to me. "I don't get it, Blake! He gambled an enormous amount of money and _then_ he wanted to die. What the fuck!" She was yelling and airing out her frustrations.

"Sienna—it must be difficult for him. You need to be a bit accommodating where he's concerned. The man just barely recovered from a coma, poppet. You don't have to worry—I'll take care of it."

We were outside of the café when she stopped in her tracks. "You're paying it off? That's a lot of money, Blake. I want to help but I need to make a quick call to my accountant in L.A."

I smiled at the frowning woman before me. _Does she know how much I'm worth now and how much wealth I will acquire once my grandfather steps down?_ My father was rich in his own right because he was brilliant and had a shrewd eye in investments. My mother had come from an old bloodline of wealthy vintners. When they died, it was given to me and I have since doubled the amount. She didn't have a clue, did she? She probably heard vague snippets from Toby or from others—but she doesn't fully know. Would it make a difference if she knew exactly how much I was worth? I doubted it— _but_ it would've been nice _if_ it did make a difference and she took me back. This woman is aggravatingly different and that's why I'm so enthralled with her.

"I want Chad to focus on his recovery. His body might be starting to heal and functioning now—but his other wounds might take a while to mend. I can spare the money. Now, can you please stop frowning? You're ruining your pretty face."

She stood on her tiptoes and gave me a kiss. "You're an amazing man, you know that don't you? You have such a big heart. Thank you for helping my friend. This means a lot to me...you don't understand how grateful I am."

_If I was so amazing, then why won't you give me another chance? My thoughts countered._

"You forget that he's my friend too. I care about his well-being."

"Thank you! I can't thank you enough for helping him."

I leaned closer to her and captured her lips. "You can thank me when we get to Marbella."

"I already promised, I will. For the entire time, you'll be the master of my universe," she said cheekily while snaking her tongue out and tracing her bottom lip.

"I like the sound of that, Sienna. You better not change your mind."

Her phone rang. She stood on her tiptoes again and gave me a kiss, "I won't...no need to worry."

"Go take your call. I'll get us coffee." She smiled as she answered her phone. I entered the café to get coffee. I didn't eat much during breakfast because the wanker was there and ruined my appetite. I ordered our coffee, paid and went through my emails and text messages.

**Camilla Clayworth:**

**Our lunch date got cancelled without any notice?**

I cursed.

**Me:**

**I apologize. I lost track of time. I'm at the hospital visiting a friend.**

_Hell,_ I totally forgot about the lunch date she arranged. She knew I was in London through the grapevine. I wasn't planning on meeting her, but that changed during breakfast. Sienna ticked me off when she invited Kyle to join us. I texted Cam when Sienna stepped out with Kyle. I wasn't sure if she did it on purpose, or if she was insensitive to my feelings for her. But she made me angry when she decided to take him downstairs.

My phone vibrated.

**Camilla Clayworth:**

**I forgive you but you have to take me to dinner tonight. It's the least you can do after humiliating me.**

_Damn_ , I knew gossip went rampant after I voided the contract. Her father, Alfred Clayworth, had high hopes of merging both companies. He didn't hold back much when he bragged to everyone about __ his future son-in-law. Even if I went through with marrying Cam, I wouldn't do a merger between our companies. Although, I would have happily offered to buy him out.

**Me:**

**As you wish Cam. I'll take you out tonight. Do you want me to make reservations?**

My phone vibrated a minute later.

**Camilla Clayworth:**

**No, I'll take care of it. Pick me up around six-thirty. Do wear a tux. I look forward to seeing you Blake. Please don't disappoint me this time.**

The barista handed me two foamed cups of coffee and I strolled outside the café.

_What do I tell her now?_ The truth would be a great start.

Sienna was still on the phone when I came out. When she saw me, she ended the call.

"Thank you."

"Can we talk for a bit?" I pointed to the small sets of chairs and tables that lined the café and sat in one of them.

"What's up?" she took a quick sip and recoiled. She pulled out her tongue and started to blow over it to ease the pain. She looked _too cute_.

I smiled; Sienna was amusing. She drinks coffee on a daily basis and yet she was still not used to drinking it scalding hot. She can be so adorable without even trying.

"We can't leave for Marbella tonight. Something came up." I gauged her facial reaction as she took in what I said.

"Business stuff?"

I cleared my throat. "No, not really. I want to be forthright about this, Sienna. I actually promised Cam that I would take her out to dinner tonight. I had to oblige her since I skipped lunch altogether without notifying her."

"Cam...you mean your ex?" She frowned again.

In a certain aspect, I supposed Cam was. "Yes."

She shrugged, "That's fine. I was going to ask you if we could move the arrangement to Tuesday or Wednesday after Chad gets out."

"Okay, I'll make arrangements for Tuesday around noon." She seemed so calm and composed. I actually expected a little protest, a pout, a hissy fit... _something_...other than cold indifference.

Nodding, she started to get up and gathered her purse and coffee. "Let's go," she uttered in an ultra ice queen manner.

# Chapter 45

### Sienna

Blake dropped me off at my flat an hour ago. He needed to get ready to go out with Camilla. It hurts me that he's going on a date but at the same time, I know I don't have a say in it. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

I was itching to go dance my frustration off but I didn't feel right doing it while Chad was in the hospital. He looked better today and I was thankful that Blake was going to take care of his money woes. Chad literally broke down when Blake informed him that he would pay off his debts. But in return, he needs to recuperate in Marbella where both Toby and Blake can watch him.

I smiled thinking that Chad had probably bawled his eyes out because he was going on a top-notch vacation with two solid, hot men looking after him. He was going to be in seventh heaven. As much as I wanted to scratch Blake's eyes out, I had to concede that he was a good friend.

It would've been nice if I had Luce and Toby with me, but they had to go to Toby's parent's house in Kensington. It was his mother's birthday dinner bash. They invited me but I didn't feel like mingling with British aristocrats. That would be a dour way to end my night.

I needed to distract myself before I hunted down every restaurant in London looking for Blake and his date. So, I settled for a quiet night in with a good movie. I was on the couch enjoying a glass of red wine and baklava watching _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_ , drooling over Brad Pitt's sexiness, when a loud knock interrupted me.

_Ah, perfect! I thought sourly. Just when Brad and Angelina started getting it on in Colombia with the Mondo Bongo song playing in the background, someone interrupts me. Seriously!_

I stomped to the front door and yanked it open. Kyle stood in the hallway with a twinkle in his eye looking rugged with sexy stubble; He was dressed in a black leather jacket, black jeans and black Timbaland boots. "You should check who it is first before opening the door, pretty lady."

Crossing my hands on my chest, I huffed. " _Geez_ , you came here to lecture me? I can't believe you interrupted Angelina and Brad for this." I turned around, leaving him there with the door open.

I sat back down on the couch, grabbed the remote and pressed play. Dragging another sip of wine, I felt him sit next to me. He hastily took off his leather jacket and hung it on the arm of the couch.

"Busting out Brad and Angie, _ey?_ What's upsetting you?" It's really annoying when someone knows you like the back of their hand. I used to cherish it because I never had to tell him about what I liked and what I didn't like, _he just knew_. But tonight, he grated my nerves.

"Nothing. Did you _want_ something?" I asked, not looking his way.

He snickered. "That's a tricky question, baby. I always want something from you."

"Huh."

"Come on; let's get you out of here. You look downright depressing on this Saturday night."

_No. I don't feel like moving. I just want to sit here and finish my bottle of wine and pass out._ But instead, I mumbled, "No thanks."

"I'm surprised you're all alone. Where are your friends and your "sex on a stick" _ex_ -boyfriend?"

_Great_ , I used that term _once_ to describe Blake and now he won't let it go.

"They're out. Toby and Luce had to go attend his mom's birthday party and Blake's out on a date with his ex-fiancé." I delivered the facts with utter nonchalance.

"Blake's finally moving on from you... When will you do the same?"

What the fuck?

My lips wobbled, "I guess he is...he really is." He was silent while he studied me.

"You slept with him didn't you?" _Damn you, Kyle._ He reads me so well.

"Yes."

"Right now he's out on a date with _the_ woman he used to be _engaged_ to. Why are you letting him step all over you, Sienna? Is _he_ worth it?"

"I don't know, _okay?_ It just happened," I snapped at his judgmental tone.

"Okay—that was a little harsh. But I'm not going to allow you to sit here alone all evening. Put some shoes on, we're heading out." He stood up and held out his hand.

"And where are we going?" Feeling my spirits lift _just_ a puny bit.

"I booked the penthouse suite at St. James for the after-party for TCC tonight. The party starts at eleven so that gives you two hours to get ready."

"You never mentioned this."

"I would've but you've been so out of it since Chad's incident."

I've been so negligent in regards to working with Kyle. At least I didn't slack off turning in my schoolwork on time. I was a wretched woman. "Sorry, I haven't been in tiptop shape working for you Kyle. I promise I'll make it up though."

Taking the wine glass off my hands, he drank it all in one gulp. "Good, partying is a part of our line of work. Now get your butt in gear and start making up for lost time, go get ready."

Seeing the TCC boys would definitely cheer me up. They're a crazy bunch but really fun to be around. "Whatever you say, boss." I saluted him as I stood up from the couch and turned off the television and DVD player.

I piled my hair high and donned a nude body-hugging halter-top dress. I limited my make up to tinted moisturizer, lip gloss, kohl eye-liner and mascara. I briskly lined my eyes with the eye-liner and applied a thick layer of mascara–making my eyes look even more noticeable. My eyes are my best feature, I think. With my coloring, they simply stood out. I slipped on my teal colored ankle booties by Giuseppe Zanotti to complete my ensemble. Checking myself sideways in the mirror to inspect my bare back, I finally smiled. I love dressing up. I'm such a hopeless slave to fashion.

" _Hell no_ , you're not wearing that. I can see your nipples. Are you trying to make me suffer? Be kind, baby. I don't think I deserve that kind of cruel torture." He stood leaning against the door opening.

"Humor me. This dress is awesome and it goes perfectly with my shoes, so back off." Kyle grunted and scratched his side stubble.

He only wore a black wife-beater underneath the leather jacket and he looked smoking hot. _When did the cute surfer boy turn into a spanking new man oozing with sex appeal?_ Since Blake happened. The two are polar opposites and yet both are good-looking—I admit that Blake is exceptionally the better-looking one but _still,_ Kyle can hold his own.

I ran out of breast tape but I couldn't openly admit that to him. Some tidbits like that shouldn't be openly shared with men. Women have to keep a façade of looking polished and put-together without effort. We go to extraordinary lengths to look pretty. I mean, getting waxed down south is certainly not an enjoyable experience. But we do it to make it pretty, neat and all in order down there. I can't imagine the ghastly horror if it was all bushwhacked and a curly riot when you spread it open. I smiled, thinking about how Blake would react _if_ I did that to him. His face would be priceless.

_Ooookay then...that's enough of Blake!_

I checked my phone for messages for the umpteenth time with weighing disappointment before inserting it into my purse. No messages. I took a deep breath and headed out the door with a lively looking Kyle.

While in the cab, he was busy replying to emails and listening to his voicemails. Sigh, people in business...it doesn't matter what industry—be it finance, music, hotels, art or whatever...they're all married to their phones.

When Blake asked me earlier today if there was any chance of us getting back together, I honestly couldn't answer him so I dodged it, _with sex_. I do want him with every fiber of my entire being but I can't let myself. It was simply impossible to be with him when he was surrounded with countless numbers of gorgeous women. Also, my trust had died, frittering away the moment he admitted the engagement he so cautiously concealed from me.

_I mean look at him now—he's out on a date with her for crying out loud!_ I bet the man has a battalion of floozies waiting for and wanting his attention. Apart from the godlike, dark, handsome beauty, his wealth and prominent social stature combined were aphrodisiacs for most of his harem. Mix all three and it was a corybantic, dreamy concoction. He was quite the dark lothario and a small part of me was actually glad that he and I weren't together. _Who can trust a Casanova?_ Well, I sadly did at one point.

We had sex last night and this morning. Now he's out with Camilla. _Who does that?_ Clearly, one that knew what he wanted, what he's capable of and his worth. _Did he ever really love me? Or was it because we had great, combustible bedroom chemistry that he thought he loved me?_

_Go ask the damned man if you're so curious, Sienna_. I scolded my puzzling thoughts.

_Am I really going through with the sexual pact? Ugh, you did throw yourself at him. Or have you forgotten that you stripped naked and basically begged him to touch you?_

I was such an idiot. I was drunk with wanting and I lusted after Blake. It's vexing on my sanity, _especially_ since he threw the proposition at me during sexy time. He was highly addictive and I thought then— _why not indulge in a five-night all out sexual debauchery with him for the last time?_ Now I'm hesitant. _How many last times are there going to be?_ One too many it seems.

There are only two outcomes if I do decide to go. First, I would feel relieved, happy and so over him that I would be ecstatic prancing back to jolly ole England. _Or,_ I'll be hurt and fall even _more_ guilelessly in love with him and his Trojan horse lovemaking antics. I was a tad convinced that the latter option would be the logical conclusion of the licentious holiday. _Tricky situation, this is_.

I groaned in misery.

Tonight, I promise I won't think of Blake with _"the one"_ Camilla. I will not give him the power to hurt me, not anymore.

"We're here! Come on, _Foxytrot!_ " I rolled my eyes at him. Ever since the boys from TCC started calling me foxy, he took my love of dancing and came up with the nickname. Foxy and foxtrot put together equals Foxytrot. Lame really, but he's adorable for being a lame dork.

We were ushered in a private lift and when the doors opened, the party was just getting started. The penthouse occupied the entire floor with a private terrace and a big Jacuzzi sitting in the far right corner. "I had to make a special request for that to be brought in. I wanted the guys to have a blast. They're picking up good momentum with fans and I need them to be happy before they start recording next week."

"I don't doubt they'll have a blast." The terrace had black outdoor rattan setting and the interior inside was contemporary chic, a lot of golden and neutral hues and dark furniture. The outcome was luxurious, posh and sophisticated without going for overkill.

"The band isn't here yet—but as you can see, some guests arrived already. They're on their way and should be here soon. Let's go put your purse somewhere safe." He guided me through doors and stopped at a set of double doors. He pulled out a key and opened it. The room imitated the hues from the rest of the theme outside but the bathroom was all black marble tiles.

"This is a beautiful suite, Kyle. Are you sure it's okay to leave my things here?" I asked and sat on the bed. So soft... _gosh_ , I didn't want to leave the room to party. I was so tempted to order room service and peek through the movie selection.

"This room's for me. The guys can take the rest of the rooms. Feel free to leave your belongings anywhere. This room is secure." He strolled over to me and handed me a card key. "Here, just in case it gets crazy tonight and you can't find me and you want to rest, puke or if you feel tired. I want you to be safe."

_Such a sweet guy you are, sigh._

"That's very thoughtful but we have a problem. As you saw earlier, I'm not wearing a bra. Where do you suppose I put that? Tuck it in my underwear?" His eyes darkened and he cleared his throat.

" _Gotcha_ —good point. Just hunt me down then?"

" _Suuure_. You make it sound like there's going to be an uproar. _Dude_ , it's just a party, calm down."

He grinned, "You haven't partied rock and roll style, have you? You'll see." He took off his leather jacket and flung it on the nearest chair.

My stomach growled loudly. I laughed my embarrassment off. I seriously forgot to eat and skipped my meals today.

Kyle frowned at me. "Did you have dinner?"

I shook my head. I barely thought of food, really.

" _What the hell!_ I bet you would have skipped it too if I hadn't dragged you out. Let's go outside. The hotel staff has prepared food in the kitchen." His angered tone helped to sink my party mood.

_Oh, boo!_

I stuck my tongue out at him and simmered some more. "Sienna—you shouldn't skip meals. It doesn't matter if you're depressed because he's out with another girl. You should always put your needs first." _It's easier said than done, buster._

Upon entering the kitchen, the staff accommodated my famished state. Kyle ordered them to place the food on the kitchen counter because the entire penthouse was starting to get packed. He didn't want me to get distracted while eating as people floated around. They served different types of sandwiches, cheeses, fruits, a selection of antipasti, mouth-watering cakes, and lastly, cute embellished mini burgers. _Yum, those posh burgers look divine,_ I thought fervently as a friendly waitress named Molly placed a bottle of magnum Rosé Cristal, two champagne flutes and a pot of coffee beside me. I quirked my eyebrow and whispered to Kyle "You serve _two thousand dollar champagne_ to all these people?"

He smiled. " _Nah_ —I have a stack reserved for you and me. We're serving them hard liquor and beer as the band requested."

The man can be _über_ sweet. "Geez, a stack of champagne, do I look like an alcoholic?"

He kissed the tip of my nose. "No—you _look_ deliciously perfect." He picked up a sandwich and held it to my mouth while I took a bite. He literally fed me the entire time.

Sipping the glorious bubbles of the decadent champagne, I looked at him through my lashes. "Trying to score points tonight, are we?"

"Hey, don't judge—whatever helps." I was about to reply when we heard loud booming noises coming from outside the kitchen door. Music from The Cure played through the speakers. "They're here. Let me go say hi really quick and I'll be back." Kyle gave me a quick kiss on the lips and left the kitchen.

"Your boyfriend loves you very much and he's drop-dead handsome to boot," Molly sighed dreamily.

"Yeah...Kyle does love me very much..." My voice trailed off. _And_ I couldn't help staring at his arms. _Damn him for walking around with a tight wife-beater on._ It made him look like a smoking hot pistol. _Thank goodness he's gone!_

I didn't mind being left alone. I needed to savor the exquisite looking cakes. I took a forkful of the rich chocolate cake and moaned, "Delish." Another mouthful and I orgasmed from the heavenly taste of the hazelnut mousse cake. I took a refreshing, long sip of the bubbly and continued with my cake banquet.

" _God_ , Sienna—do you have to make eating... _so sexual?_ " And the smoking hot pistol was back!

I gave him a dirty look.

"Don't get me wrong, you sounded hot as hell but I don't think the waiters appreciated that."

I snorted at his biting comment. _Go suck it! Tonight's my night._

"We don't mind her making sexy sounds." An entertained chap butted in and a few "yeahs" came from behind me. In normal circumstances, I would've been mortified, but the happy bubbles worked their magic and I simply giggled. I was feeling great and I wanted to revel in it for the time being. I took the champagne bottle and got up.

I was so ready to party like a rock star!

"Let's go rock the party, lover boy!" I called out over my shoulder to an amused Kyle as I strutted by.

# Chapter 46

### Blake

"Hi! Don't bother leaving a message. I won't check them. Bye." Sienna's phone went directly to her voicemail. Where the hell _was_ she?

I went over to their apartment at nine in the morning and found out she wasn't home, _or_ never came home last night. Neither Toby nor Lucy could confirm anything since they were both out of it when they got back last night. I demanded they call me as soon as she walked through the door.

I was in the office on a Sunday afternoon. I was supposed to go over a counter proposal for an Australian mining company I wanted to buyout, but my brain wasn't functioning. Instead, I opted to nurse a snifter of cognac and stared at the view of the River Thames below me.

Last night with Camilla was rather out of the ordinary. She surprised me by taking me to her mother's fundraiser at their country estate in Surrey. I was almost sure that I had seen the invitation somewhere in the office but I didn't bother opening it. I normally didn't mind going to these types of functions but The Clayworths were a different matter. Cam looked radiantly statuesque and regal in a shimmering gold strapless gown that accentuated her slender figure. I could just imagine the tittle-tattle of the scandalmongers when they saw Cam and I together. Those bored, airless bimbos never disappoint. The minute we entered the foyer, the chitchat died and the deafening sound of whispers took over.

When Albert came over to greet us, his beaming smile made it a tad awkward for me. Surely, he didn't see it as a reconciliation of some sort? I was merely obliging his daughter.

The entire time, Cam only left my side to freshen up in the powder room. After dinner, we danced. I can only envisage what the onlookers were thinking. Cam and I did look like we belonged together and at one time, I thought we were well-matched. She was discreet with her intentions for me the entire night, but they were cautiously brushed off. I was not going to lead her on when I still had Sienna, even if it was only for a short period of time. A big part of me still longs for her to change her mind after Marbella, announcing that she doesn't want to let me go

When I took Camilla back to her place, she clung to me and kissed me goodnight. "Thank you for coming through tonight. You made me very happy and I just want you to know that—when this _phase_ of yours is over and done with—I'll be waiting right here."

Wait she would but I know that what I feel for Sienna will forever be with me. It's a part of me now and I must accept it fully, with or without her in my life.

Striding back to my desk, I went back to work. I needed to finish the proposal tonight and have it ready by tomorrow morning. The mining company would be a great asset to acquire for Knightly Industries. It's literally a gold mine. I couldn't slack off even if I was consumed with jealousy and thoughts of foraging and ransacking Kyle's home in Hampstead.

By the time I finished with work, it was ten at night and Sienna was still unreachable. I knocked on their door and Toby instantly opened it. "You look like you're at death's door, mate. Want some lager to take the edge off?"

"Sure."

Her door was open as I followed Toby into the kitchen. "She's not here. If you want to contact her that badly, why don't you call Kyle?"

Hearing his smug voice would set me ablaze. I'd rather wait for the lass to explain why she's been MIA for about twenty-four hours now.

"How was your mum's birthday festivity?" I had sent Luke to search for a present for Evelyn Watson in one of the jewelers on Old Bond Street. I was not fond of her or her husband, Rupert. They're a selfish lot and only care about money and appearances. I was befuddled that they produced two sons who were exceptional and grounded.

"You know how these things go." He sighed, "Grandmother and my mother took Luce in the study to chat. Luce was not the same after that but she won't tell me what happened. I asked my mother but she assured me that everything's great."

I smirked, I was sure she did. Poor Luce, she never stood a chance against Evelyn and Toby's grandmother, Florence. Those two are a force to be reckoned with and _the soddy_ Rupert Watson can't be blamed for his gambling addiction.

Luce took the cue and entered the kitchen glumly. She got herself a can of fizz, brownies from M & S and plopped next to me on the barstool. "Drop the rubbish subject, will you? It's bloody fucking taxing!"

"Well, why don't you just spill the details then? I'm twisted about this whole bloody mess!" Toby was getting riled up.

_Certainly_ , I was not the only one with a shit load of problems.

Luce released an exasperated sound, slid off the stool and left the room. "What a bloody disaster!"

Finishing off my lager I said, "Give her time mate—she'll eventually tell you."

"I may be a patient man compared to you—but I don't have that much when the chosen subject pertains to Lucy."

"You and me both—pathetic pricks that we are."

We laughed and his humor died when Luce called out. "I'm going out. Don't wait up for me."

"Fuck! Bloody fuck!" He screamed. He took hold of his phone and started dialing her but cursed again when she didn't pick up. He texted her several times but Luce ignored it.

"Heaven help me! I'm going bonkers!" I nodded in agreement.

_Women_...bizarre and peculiar creatures they are.

"Hear, hear."

He threw me a disgusted glare. "Piss off, Knightly! You find this comical?"

"Oh shut it, you sad bastard! You of all people saw my appalling state with Sienna. After that momentous night we had—I'm quite convinced that I'd rather hound after her than not have her at all."

"Blake Knightly finally fell on his knees. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! We're quite the pathetic lot, mate," Toby declared with a haughty smile. "Though I don't blame you after that crazed, brutish bonking you two had! _Holy fuck!_ I heard you bloody growl like a bloody blasted animal."

My throat dried as I thought about how Sienna was that night; she had claws alright. But once tamed, she was compliant, submissive and fucking perfect! She makes the beast in me come out and she loves it that way. She wants me begging and maniacal with need for her.

" _Yeah_ —she brings out the Neanderthal in me. I wasn't a possessive bloke until she came along. She brings me to my knees. Who can blame me if I become domineering and territorial?"

"Luce is quite the catch. She's beautiful to be sure and I love her to distraction but with a woman like Sienna..." He paused and looked thoughtful for a moment. "You have more than a battle, mate. Women like her caused wars in the old days. You've met your match, dear ole friend."

After another hour of drinking beers, Toby was sloshed and he needed to report to the office in the morning.

Being in Sienna's room without her in it brought little comfort to me. At least I was surrounded by her belongings and her smell. I picked up her iPod and turned it on. "Claire de Lune" played by Julian Bream. The sound of baroque music strung in guitar salved my stormy emotions.

This was one of the things we had in common, our love of music played on guitars. Andres Segovia and Francisco Tarrega were both favorites of ours. Songs played using Spanish guitars add more depth, soul and meaning.

Now the barmy wanker Kyle did know how to play a guitar. He won't give her up. He had an advantage that I didn't have. They've known each other for a long time. He knows what makes her tick and their bond is quite strong.

The bloke certainly uses that to his advantage.

"Pavane" played by Pablo Segovia Gardel in Spanish guitar and lulled me to sleep.

# Chapter 47

### Sienna

Kyle handed me his phone. "Baby, Lucy is on the line."

I was in the kitchen getting an Arranciata San Pelligrino. I was thirsting for a drink other than alcohol.

I took the phone. "Hello?"

"Trying to get a hold of you is more difficult than requesting an audience with The Queen of bloody England. Where the _hell_ are you, love? I'm coming over. I need girl time." Lucy Connelly sounded distraught. I gave her the hotel name and told her to ask for the penthouse suite. For the entire time I've known her, a year and half to be exact, I've never seen or heard her totally upset.

This was serious business. I was actually looking forward to seeing Luce after partying with a bunch of strangers for the last thirty six hours or so, give or take.

Last night was definitely rock and roll. I've never consumed that much alcohol in my life. I haven't had that much entertainment and plain old fun in a very long time. Some danced and others partied harder. There were catfights and lovemaking. It was uncontrollable and wild. The smell of marijuana was thick and heavy. Drugs were available everywhere. I didn't dare touch any of it—I've never used hard drugs—apart from the occasional hits of a joint—three times precisely. I was never _that_ curious to "fly like a kite", _especially_ not after what happened to Chad. Will, TCC's front man and lead, definitely scored a threesome with some busty twins. I was getting flirty with a random cute blonde Frenchman when Kyle unceremoniously plucked me off of the terrace and into his bedroom. He was drunk and I was beyond plastered so the confrontation was spectacularly— _explosive_.

He took me by surprise when he flung me to the bed and captured my lips, devouring them. I responded with earnest longing. I knew it was twisted after Blake but Kyle was _my_ Kyle. Another set of emotions washed over me when he kissed me– _like_ I couldn't hold back my hunger any longer. I'm lusting after both men—it's messed up.

Although with Blake, _it's more_. I always want more with Blake.

Kyle was eager but knew his boundaries. We didn't go past dry humping and making out. I cared and found both men irresistible—but I didn't want to be a whore about it either.

But _hell_ , kissing Kyle made me feel like I was in high school again. He made me feel safe and his scent reminded me of home. I remembered smelling him after he surfed in Malibu and the scent of the beach he carried with him. I was hooked and nostalgic.

His kisses were demanding but not like Blake's...never like Blake's. Blake's were searing and obliterating. My mind turns into mush and my body takes over. With Kyle on the other hand, it was pleasantly familiar and packed with longing desire.

He was famished and he kept me in bed the entire time. I loved having that with Kyle but at the same time, I felt like I was betraying Blake even though we weren't together.

As the party started to die down, the TCC boys unexpectedly announced they were going to Ibiza for a few days before they start boxing themselves in the recording studio. So, that left me and Kyle alone in this enormous penthouse. I was dressed in one of his white dress shirts and a thread of underwear. He only had pull-string, black linen pants on and his tanned body looked wonderfully appealing. Damn those freaking tattoos!

"Lucy's coming over?" He asked as he took a sip from my Pellegrino.

"Yeah...she needs girl time." He purred as he took a whiff of my neck. He kissed me then—gently.

We kissed for a _very_ , very long time—until we heard Luce call out my name. The kiss was sweet and gentle. We were both looking sappy but we had to stop.

I pulled us out of the kitchen to meet our guest.

Luce looked shocked when she saw our undressed state. "Uh, did I _interrupt_ something? _I did_ , didn't I? Your lips are crimson red and bruised—and so are Kyle's. Well, _too bad_ —I can't be kicked out. I need Sienna for a little while."

Kyle smiled and pulled me to him. His arms wrapped around my shoulders. "No, go ahead—I need to work for a little bit. Order in if you two want something to eat. I'll be in my room if you need me." He kissed my lips again.

"I love you," he said and left us in the living room. Both our eyes followed him as he exited.

" _What's your secret?_ Why are all these hot men clamoring after you? I would gladly die if I was in your position. _Goodness me_ —I don't know if I'd choose the sexy perfection of the smoldering God that _is_ Blake Knightly, or the mysterious scruffy Kyle Matthews—who has a voice that makes me weak in the knees." She shook her head in amusement.

"Shut up, Luce!" I smiled at her wistful face.

She threw herself down on the couch and grinned at me. "Oh, do piss off my dear love. That's quite a brilliant dilemma to be in, compared to my ghastly circumstances." Luce made an aggravated growl and I sat across from her. I was surprised that the French wing-back chair was comfortable. It sure didn't look it. But _surprise,_ surprise—it cushioned my buxom ass happily.

"His horrid mum and Florence—his _evil_ grandmother—cornered me last night at the bloody fucking party and demanded I break it off with Toby. They kept ranting about how he can look for a better, suitable wife if I wasn't in the wretched picture. I fought them off—but they were adamant that Toby will let me go once he's had his fun and the novelty wears off."

"You're joking, right? How can you not be suitable? You're beautiful and smart, Luce—and your family's great! Not to mention that you guys are known for the profitable fortune that your father struck in the online business. But most of all, Toby worships the ground you walk on."

"That's the thing—we're new money. They frown upon those. Toby's maternal side is quite connected. They have familial ties to the royal family. Even if they are in the outer sphere of these so-called ties—they are quite proud and want him to be with someone who is in the same social strata as him." She cursed, "The Watson coffers are dwindling rapidly and his mum is in panic mode. Evelyn can't possibly keep up with her lifestyle if poor bloody Rupert keeps bleeding them dry. And Toby doesn't want to work along with his father in their company. They believe that once Toby sets himself straight and marries for money—they'll keep their lifestyle and won't be shunned. But Toby's really determined to make it on his own and he's been fighting for me. He and his mum had a row. It didn't end so well." She puffed and bit her lips. She was fuming and her cheeks were a bright shade of red.

"Of course Toby will fight for you, Luce. He loves you and I honestly don't think he'll survive without you by his side. You're not planning to leave him to grant his mother's wishes, are you?"

She started to tear up. I got up and hugged her. "I don't know anymore, Sienna. _I love him_ —I love him more than anything but I can't stand being in the middle of him and his family. Even if they are horrible parents— _they are family_. I don't want to be that woman who drives a wedge between a son and his mother."

I felt her pain and it saddened me that she was even thinking of leaving Toby. She's a determined woman and she had already made her decision. The question is, when will she tell him? Toby will be devastated.

"Oh Luce—I'm so sorry. This is all wrong. His mother and grandmother need to take a hike and never come back."

She laughed through her tears. "Don't be daft—those two do not own trainers. I doubt they can hike in their Wellingtons."

She groaned in a cute way. "Where is everyone? You mentioned a party over the phone," she asked as she took in the penthouse.

"It started last night but ended right around noon. This entire place was trashed with men and their groupies, Luce—it was a sight to see! It was a blast!"

"Well good thing one of us is having a good time. Blake is at the apartment waiting for you. The man doesn't look happy—consider yourself forewarned."

"I can't face him right now Luce—or I'll breakdown. I mean, why would he be angry? He took his ex fiancé out last night. From where I'm standing, he's enjoying his bachelor status to the hilt."

"You both are mad! **** You two cannot be in the same room without setting it ablaze. The always polished man has got it bad for you. Give him another chance—you certainly look like you're about to give it to Kyle. Why can't Blake have a fair shot as well? After all–all is fair in love and war."

"It isn't that easy with Blake— _he's so complex_ —it scares the hell out of me. He hurt me more than Kyle ever did. That's why it's so hard, but at the same time—when he touches me—I become undone. He has this power over me and it's mystifying."

"Abso-fucking-lutely! That man certainly was made with sex and oodles of majestic male dominance. Don't get me wrong—I love my Toby to bits but I can admire one fine specimen if I see one. When he came out of your bedroom the other morning with those clingy boxer briefs and his scrumptious chiseled chest—I squealed like a school girl. And from what I heard from you two—the sex was bombastic." I threw a pillow at her. "Seriously love—ponder it through. Do what makes you happy. Don't get me wrong—I think Kyle loves you just as much as my dear Blake does—but you lighten up and blossom when Blake is with you."

She stood up and stretched lazily. "I have to go. Thank you for seeing your muddled friend even if I called around midnight."

"Now you're being silly Luce. I don't care much about the time. Do you want something to eat? Drink, perhaps?"

"I should go and get back to Toby. I want to enjoy my time with him before it ends. You're coming back tomorrow, right?" We got up and started to walk towards the elevator.

"Yes, I'll be back in the morning. I have to be in class for two hours and then I'm going to see Chad. Think about Toby, Luce—you're going to break his heart." Her face paled.

"We shall see. Goodnight love," she kissed both of my cheeks and hugged me fiercely. Letting me go, she gave me a little wave before stepping in the private lift.

Exhaling noisily as I let myself in the kitchen, I plucked the phone out of its receiver and ordered a late dinner. I haven't really had a proper meal since I was trashed last night and slept most of the afternoon. I ordered for two.

When the food arrived twenty minutes later, I set it up on the kitchen counter and took the liberty of opening a champagne bottle and chilled it in the iced silver bucket. I could've set it on the terrace but it's November and already chilly outside—especially since it was almost two in the morning. The kitchen sufficed, it was cozy in here.

I strode barefoot to get Kyle. "Are you hungry? I ordered food." He smiled as he looked up from his laptop.

"Yes, I am actually—go ahead and start—be there in a minute."

"It better be a minute or less. A second more will put you in a 'no kissing zone' for the rest of the night." He immediately closed his laptop and grabbed my waist.

"You sure know how to dictate me. I love it when you get bossy, Sienna."

Once in the kitchen, we ate with gusto. We both had a hearty appetite after last night. We nibbled bits and pieces throughout the day but never a full meal. We shared a bottle each of the famed fizzy bubbles. My mind and body were in full-on chill mode.

"Things with Lucy turn out okay? She looked off for some reason." _No, she isn't okay._ The woman was about to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of Toby's family. No, _she definitely isn't okay_ but she had her mind made up, sadly.

"Not really—but I can't talk about it. It's complicated." My heart broke for those two. What atrocious and abominable parents to have. My face contorted thinking of Toby's parents and grandmother. They should be ashamed for meddling in Toby's life. The man is entitled to have a happy life and to choose who he wants to be with.

"I understand, there's no need to explain. By the way, I spoke to Mom and Dad. They both said hi." Pulling my barstool closer to him, he kissed me mindlessly. After a minute, I pulled away and drained my champagne flute.

His eyes consumed me greedily. He looked rapacious and forbidding. I lifted an arched brow. "Yes?" I inquired.

He cocked his head and instantly had me on the island kitchen counter. His eyes turned molten. "You look really good in my shirt baby. I'm having a hard time resisting you." He gushed as he took my lips. He planted himself in between my legs and pulled my hips against his own. The empty dishes were pushed aside. I moaned as he pinched my nipple through the shirt. "I want you so much," he said in between kisses. I could feel his erection and I was tempted... _so tempted_ to just say yes and forget about Blake.

He rapidly pulled his shirt off me and lavished my breasts with undivided attention. Moaning and writhing on the cold marble kitchen counter, I gripped his hair when he traced his hot tongue over my laced mound and nipped it. _Holy shit!_ No, not yet.

"Not yet," I muttered through gasping breaths.

He growled, "Fuck Sienna—I can't wait anymore." He picked me up and briskly found the bedroom and flung me to the sheets. Kyle looked like an ardent predator as he lingered over my naked body.

I was astounded and didn't have a second to think or articulate a word when he executed his feral needs on my aching breasts. I was thrashing and gasping when I felt his hand hastily take my lacy underwear off. His finger found my wet folds. "No," I muttered in between gasps. _Fuck, I can't think!_

He groaned and stuck a finger inside me. _Holy guacamole! I have to stop this craziness._

"You sure don't feel like you want me to stop, baby. You still feel like nirvana... _my fucking_ nirvana." He growled possessively.

I was going to say, _Kyle—we have to stop,_ but I ended up moaning his name when he started to grind his finger at the ridged spot inside me. Kyle had _the magic fingers_ , hands down. He knew it too.

_Damn, those happy bubbles are making me delirious._ My body broke out in sweat and I was at the very tip of surrender.

" _You don't want this_ , Sienna? Do you _want me_ to stop? Do you want me to _stop touching_ you?" His finger was relentless and I whimpered in frustration. "You have to try harder, baby—because I sure won't stop. _Fuck no_ —not when I have you all to myself, spread-eagled and readily fuckable." He propped on one elbow and captured my nipple with his other finger still stuck inside me.

Oh, shit cakes.

He kissed my neck and squeezed my breast with his soaked finger. "I love you—so damn much."

"Kyle—maybe—" he silenced me with a kiss. I felt him shift and his finger found my pussy again. I was writhing in pure, tormented physical and mental agony.

He took out his finger and took hold of my hips, plunging inside me with one quick thrust. My eyes widened when I felt him thrust deeper. _Oh hell, when did he take off his pants?_

"Shit—baby!" He groaned as he slid in and out of me. "I love you," muttering through closed eyes as he found momentum and drove harder inside me.

There was no going back...I felt wretched when my body responded to him.

_So much for resistance._

He screamed my name as he came and my body rode along with him in harmonious orgasm.

When Kyle gathered me in his arms and finally fell asleep, I felt a hot tear slide down the side of my face.

_Blake..._

# Chapter 48

### blake

It was already ten in the morning and I still hadn't heard from Sienna. Toby left for the office around seven thirty. I should be at work too but I was set to wait for Sienna.

Lucy was somewhere in her room. She looked pained for reasons I did not know. When I asked, she simply shrugged and pretended everything was okay.

I was in the kitchen working through emails. I got up when I noticed my cup was empty and needed a refill. I strode to the coffee machine. I poured coffee and added two teaspoons of sugar. When I heard the rustle of the key grating in the lock, my body tensed in anticipation.

The heavy thud of high-heeled shoes and a happy masculine voice echoed in the quiet atmosphere. It was the pathetic prick— _with Sienna_.

I strode over to them without hesitating. Sienna's face lost all its blood when she saw me. The tosser didn't even see it coming. I threw a heavy upper-cut punch that landed perfectly underneath his jaw.

Sienna screamed but I didn't hear her. I was blinded by _rage_. I was blinded by _jealousy_. I was blinded by _pain_. I was blinded by _Sienna_.

Kyle found his balance and attempted to punch me but I caught him and threw a fist, connecting beautifully with the side of his face. He thrashed and lunged for me. His fist landed squarely on my jaw—but I didn't feel any pain. I was about to take him down on the floor and kill the bloody bastard when Luce threw herself in the middle of the blasted fight.

" _You_ —you need to go home, this very instant." She pointed at Kyle who grunted and Sienna came to his rescue—fucking twit that he was.

He flinched when she tried to touch his bleeding face. He muttered, "I'll call you later," before leaving the flat. He looked nutty and livid.

" _You_ need to leave the flat too—" Luce glared furiously at me.

I stared at Sienna for another second and strode back to the kitchen, gathering my belongings. I didn't want to stay here either.

It took her two _hellish_ minutes to follow me. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Her voice shook as she asked. I ignored her questions.

I didn't trust myself. I just might have choked the life out of her.

_My woman_ was wearing a man's dress shirt. She _wore_ his dress shirt. _She wore his bloody fucking dress shirt!!!_

It took every ounce in me not to turn around and wrench the blasted shirt into smithereens. But what was decapitating my wretched heart and mind–was the very question I stupidly asked–" _Did you fuck him?"_

"Blake—please— _talk to me_." She gently tugged on my arm.

"Do. Not. _Fucking_. Touch. Me." I said through gritted teeth. My hands were crammed with my laptop, papers, chargers and my phone. I left her there crying as I marched back to her room and packed it in my overnight bag. I was zipping it closed when I felt her wrap her arms around my waist. Her wet tears soaked my back. I closed my eyes and prayed for reason as she sobbed noisily.

"Stop, _please_ —look at me, Blake," she pleaded.

But I couldn't. For the life of me— _I couldn't_.

I needed to leave but it was hard to move. The simple task of breathing was bloody difficult. I was shattered into pieces but I had to know or I would be forever in a hellish wonderment. " _Did you fuck him?_ " Her body tensed and she completely stopped breathing.

Counting from one to ten, my patience was thinning. "DID YOU or DID YOU NOT FUCK HIM?!!!" She tightened her hold. "ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!" I snarled ferociously.

"Yess...," she whispered.

A pained guttural sound came from my throat. I pushed her arms off me, took my bag and slammed her door shut, leaving the apartment.

My heart was erratic as I tried to breathe.

_She did it.... She finally did it...and I'm irreparable._

I had no clue how I got back to my apartment in Mayfair, but I did. I went to the bar and grabbed the nearest bottle of cognac. I took a long gulp and headed straight to my bedroom. Her silk robe sat on the foot of the bed. I hurled myself on top of it and cursed her. I called her names but the pain didn't subside, it merely intensified.

_I cried_. I cried from the wounding pain that was eating me whole, and my entire existence, alive.

I didn't think I could recover from this. _I cannot believe she let another man touch her._

She fucked him.

She _really_ did.

_Did she enjoy it? Did she scream his name as she came? Does she enjoy hurting me?_ I was tormenting myself even more with torturous questions—because I was hurt and sadly, permanently broken.

I finished the cognac to its very last drop. I was numb but the sunken ache, rotting heinously inside of me, didn't leave me.

I pulled her silken robe to my nostrils and inhaled her scent. It was faint but it was remarkably, undeniably hers.

I woke up from gentle strokes caressing my forehead. But my drunken state made it difficult to open my eyes so I grunted in earnest.

"Shhhhh...rest my love," she whispered softly. "I'm so sorry."

Her gentle caresses calmed and comforted me. She _said_ "my love" but I doubt that meant _love_.

"Stay—don't leave me."... _and go to him_.

I was hurt but I know I would have rather died than not have her with me. Maybe in time we would forgive each other and our misguided decisions.

In time...I can only _hope_.

"If that's what you want." _It is._

I heard her shuffle and flick the lamp switch off. She hugged me from behind. She was crying softly and I was gutted by her soft sobs.

_If_ I had just made the right decision and told her about the blasted engagement in the very beginning...severed my ties with the Clayworths...then none of this would be happening. I wouldn't have bedded different women and she wouldn't have given herself to Kyle. She and I would've been very happy...

The strangest thing about love is that it doesn't stop even if disaster strikes. It engulfs you and intertwines with every single atom of your very existence.

I did this _to us_...I did this _to her_...I couldn't stop the pain that was consuming us both.

But she was here with me. Her being here was enough. She might not have voiced how she felt about me but I knew she cared.

"I love you... _most ardently..._ senselessly...desperately."

"How—how can _you love me_ after what I did to you?" Sienna sobbed in between words.

I turned and faced her. My heart constricted at the very sight of her.

" _I just do_. That's why it's love— _it's unconditional_. Whether you commit one mistake or a hundred, I will _still_ love you. They say the most romantic kind of love is the unfinished kind. The kind that will forever burn and mark your soul—you've bewitched me, body and soul. _I love you_ —and whether you do or don't feel the same, my _love_ is unequivocal."

"I'm sorry Blake. I don't want to see you hurt ever again."

I hugged her as she cried more on my shoulder. I spoke softly to her, "I'm sorry too—we both made mistakes and hurt each other badly in the process."

My thoughts were still in turmoil. My heart still beat with grief. But we reached a higher ground, a ground with a common level of understanding.

The ball was in her field, I just didn't know which goalkeeper she'd take her shot at.

_One can only hope..._

I don't have any clue how long we both stayed awake. But I went to sleep right after she stopped crying and her breathing evened.

# Chapter 49

I woke up alone in Blake's bed. It's Tuesday and I have to rush to school and visit Chad right after because I failed to do that in my miserable state yesterday.

Seeing Blake's crestfallen face yesterday morning lacerated me. I cried all afternoon and Luce finally managed to convince me to follow him. It was almost seven at night when I called Luke and asked if Blake was in the office. He told me Blake didn't go in at all. I grabbed the key he gave me with its handmade pink and white diamond lily, and directly went to his apartment in Mayfair.

I found him in his bedroom face down with my soft pink, silk robe on the bed. The way he clutched it broke me into sobs. He was passed out and the empty cognac bottle sat mere inches away from his large hand.

Last night was difficult but I was relieved that Blake and I found some common ground.

But I didn't know where to go from there and before I fell asleep, I decided I wouldn't go anywhere at all. Not to Kyle or Blake. I've caused both men enough pain to last a lifetime. We all caused each other enough damage. It was time to make amends and let go.

_I love them both..._

I love Kyle because he's kept me safe since the day we met. I love him for being there for me constantly and supporting me tirelessly. But most of all, he loved me—scars and all.

I love Blake because he splintered through my guarded heart and made it beat again. His passionate nature and his beauty ensnared, seized and held me captive. I've never felt more alive than when I'm with him. He simply took my breath away and he accepted me fully—as a woman and as a person. I've never felt so complete and I fell madly in love. _I fell hard_. He took every single thing to another level and made it his—a fact that he applies in all aspects of his life.

There was nowhere to hide—I clung unto the man and hopped on to the nonsensical rollercoaster that we made for ourselves—there was no one to blame but _us_.

It was time to get off the rollercoaster and face the reality of the mess I had created for myself.

I got myself out of bed and looked for Blake.

He was staring idly at the counter, pensive. Freshly showered and shaven in his dark suit, he looked elegantly and magnificently gorgeous. My stomach did a somersault. He instantly looked up when I entered the kitchen.

"Hi."

"Hello." He smiled sadly at me. My chest clutched heavily.

He turned around and started to prepare a cup of coffee for me. I didn't want him to but he seemed to want to do something, so I obliged.

"What are your plans today?" He asked as he planted the coffee before me.

"Thank you. I actually have to go to school for a few hours, then I'm going to see Chad. Isn't he going to be discharged tomorrow?"

"Yes, he will be. I'll take you to school and we can go see Chad together if you want."

"Aren't you going to be busy all day?"

He shrugged. "Don't worry—I've got it covered."

After drinking our coffees in a comfortable silence, I dashed to the bathroom and showered. I was shocked to find all of my things still in the same place I left them. My perfume, toothbrush, facial items and paraphernalia I had left before we broke up—were all in the very same spot. _Sure_ , the place was squeaky clean, due to his housekeeper Freya, no doubt—but it seemed like he wanted them just as is, like he expected me to be back here with him again.

My clothes still hung in the His and Hers walk-in closet. A beautiful big, rounded, white suede lounge chair sat in between the closets. I sat there for a minute staring wide-eyed at the ever-present closet that had my things in it.

_Why didn't he take my belongings to the nearest trash bin and sweep his apartment clean of me?_

_He wanted me back..._ even if I declined his proposal, he still wanted me back. Even then, _he just knew_. He knew what he wanted and he wanted me with him.

There was a soft knock and he called out from the other side of the room. "Hey—I'll be waiting in the car downstairs. I need to make a few calls. No need to hurry—just letting you know where I'll be."

"I'll be ready in five minutes," I called out to him.

"Okay—I'll just be downstairs."

I dressed casually with dark jeans, a black long-sleeve cotton shirt and black pointed boots. I snaked my long, bright orange pashmina scarf that I purchased from Florence on a weekend trip with Chad loosely around my neck. I pulled my damp hair in a haphazard bun. I applied dark brown eye-liner on the rims of my puffy eyes and a coat of mascara. A couple swipes of peach colored gloss and I was set. Grabbing my black tote, I rummaged for my Aviator shades and walked over to the lift. I bought _us_ the same shades because I knew they would make Blake look sexy as hell—and they did. I purchased them six months ago—when we were simply _just_ friends.

I pushed the building door open and got smacked by the chilly blast of air. Blake was in his car, his black Seventy-seven Vanquish, talking animatedly on his phone. He had his aviator shades on too and he looked stunning.

I stood there mesmerized, drinking in the sight of him. When he finally saw me—he smiled, giving me that gorgeous, arresting signature smile of his. He got out of the car and opened the door for me. He was still on the phone and he spoke in fluid Italian. _Boy_ , I wanted to drown in his sexy, musical drawl.

I honestly don't think anyone can compare to him. He's a man of force and the world was his oyster. He's going to become bigger and larger than life. Someday he will be a great husband and father to his children. The thought was depressing but it was the truth. One thing I know about him is that once he commits himself into something, he gives it his all. When he finally chooses to marry, his wife is going to be one very lucky woman.

He got in the car, still talking on the phone. We weaved through the London traffic with fluidity. London traffic can be awful especially in the morning. The whole thing about driving on the other side of the road confused the hell out of me—that's why driving here is not the wisest idea. Even Kyle can't be bothered to drive here. Back in L.A., he was obsessed with his silver Lamborghini Roadster and wouldn't let anyone else drive it.

_Kyle_. I had yet to call him today to find out how he was. Blake did a number on him. The poor thing didn't see it coming. _I_ didn't see it coming. When Blake sauntered into the room, he looked like his usual composed self—but God, he was like a burning furnace with rage and I didn't _even_ notice it. How does he _do_ that? Mask his emotions? I guess it's one of those things that his granddad taught him. It comes in handy when it comes to his business dealings. But when it comes to personal relationships—it can be very daunting. It's quite overwhelming really, if you think about it.

I heard him say " _Ba bene, Zia. Ciao,"_ and end the call.

"That was my Aunt Seraphina in Rome. She said my uncle wants me to visit again. I spoke briefly with him and he sounded like he's getting back on his feet."

"What happened to him?"

"He had a heart attack. I never mentioned it to you?" No, you didn't, because you were stuck to Ivanna's side ignoring me.

"No, you never did." I gave him a quick glance.

He grabbed my hand, kissed it and held it on his thigh.

We were right around Wigmore Street and close to my school. "What time do you want me to pick you up?" he asked.

"In three hours?" I bit my lip as I looked at him. His thumb was making slow rhythmic circles on my palm. He had a habit of doing this and it never failed to make me aware of him.

"Splendid. I'll be out here when you come out, _cara mia_." _My beloved_.

"Okay, see you then, Blake. Thanks for dropping me off." I gave him a quick smile before letting myself out of the car.

_This is going to be beyond weird...but I must peddle forward._

Walking towards my Fashion Marketing class, Aloy came up next to me and greeted me cheerily. "What's up, gal? You don't look ready for class." She's a pretty Asian with an unusual nickname. _Yep_ , it isn't her real name (it's Ana). I do think Aloy suits her better. It's unique and peculiar like the woman herself. I met her during our class last semester and we hung out a few times during lunch in between classes.

"Yeah, well last night was eventful to say the least. How have you been?" I eyed her outfit. She always has a great funky ensemble and I loved it. Sometimes I get all into it with getting dressed, but most days I just keep it safe like today. The only color I have on is the bright orange scarf amongst all the black.

"I'm superb, _dahling!_ My sister is visiting me from Boston and she's arriving tonight. Want to hang out with us? We might need another sidekick to get some male attention. My sister is the shy type, sadly."

This is what I like about her, she's straightforward. I smiled, "I would love to meet your sister but no can do, babe. My friend is going to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow so that will be taking up most of my time for the next few days."

Aloy pouted. "Oh, bummer! Do text me if you change your mind then."

"Definitely will," I replied as we entered class. The class was three hours and I only have it once a week, thank goodness. I hate three hour classes and I tend to daydream when it gets boring.

Exactly an hour and half after the class started, our teacher Mrs. Luton called a recess for thirty minutes.

"I'm going to Starbucks, want to join me?" I asked Aloy who was diligently tapping away on her phone. That thing kept vibrating during the entire time we had class.

"Heck yes! I need a caffeine fix."

"So you'll have more energy for texting over the next hour? Who are you talking to?" We're walking out on the damp street–I suppose it rained while we were inside the building. I love London during its cold rainy months. It's part of its charm and allure.

"Bass, the guy I met over the weekend. It's still in its early stages. Nothing major... _you know_...although he's cute...I don't know yet." She was blushing and I found that endearing. She acted with total nonchalance but she was clearly more than interested in him.

"Yup. Nothing major but cute—got it."

She opened the door to let us inside Starbucks and I was grateful for the warmer, cozier climate in the small café. "Hey, Sienna—I have to step outside really quick. My mom's calling." She showed me the flashing phone screen.

"No prob. What did you want? I'll get it for you."

"I want a Grande Caramel Macchiato with an extra shot," she called out before pushing the heavy door to step outside.

There were four more people ahead of me in the line. I kept repeating what she wanted in my head just in case I forgot it, which I sometimes do—I have a bad case of forgetting things.

"Long time _no_ see stranger," a voice said from behind me. Was he talking to me or was he on the phone talking to someone?

I quickly spun around and saw a smirking Troy. _My, my_ , the man still looked like a sex bomb.

" _Heeey_ —how are you?" I greeted him with a firm hug. He smelled marvelous, masculine and sexy. I smirked because I know you can't smell sexy but with Troy, it's literally oozing out of his pores.

"I'm fantastic, although I did wait for your call with bated breath to no avail."

_Yeah...about that...Blake capsized my brain and I couldn't remember anything about that entire weekend (due to excessive orgasms) and the catastrophe that followed almost a week later._

"I... _uh..._ had a lot going on. It was chaotic and with a shitload of crap. _Well_ —actually no, there's still a lot of crap going about. I can't seem to prevent it from happening."

The line moved ahead and I was the next customer. Aloy was still outside talking on her phone.

"I don't need more chaos in my life and yet, I tend to stumble upon it. Quite lovely it is, making it hard not to enlist myself into the chaos. I suppose I should give myself a pat on the shoulder then, should I?" He jested. His sexy grin distracted me for a second.

_"Umm...sure." Lame...you're so lame, I scolded myself. Seriously, do you really want to flirt with disaster? Aren't Blake and Kyle enough of a shitstorm? Damn and double damn._

When it was my turn to order, Troy took over and paid for all three coffees, refusing to let me pay.

"You didn't have to do that; I could have paid, you know." He ushered us onto an empty couch/lounge section that was tucked in the corner overlooking the street. I could easily see Aloy laughing as she spoke on the phone. I smiled at her. She's always in a good mood—must be nice to be that upbeat and optimistic on a daily basis.

"I know—but I want to. It's _only_ coffee, Sienna."

"You're right. I'm being silly." His phone rang. He told me it was his agent and he excused himself for a bit while he took the call outside.

I was surprised to see him. I haven't seen him in _what?_ Almost three months? London is a small town really. You bump into people you know all the time in the most unexpected places. But seriously, seeing Troy was a nice surprise. I forgot how good looking he was.

_Blake's_ the supreme Adonis, a total godlike reincarnation, an absolute sexy perfection concoction...and _my_ beautiful addiction.

_Kyle's_ ruggedly handsome with a bad boy persona. He has _the_ magic fingers, the angst-filled emo (raspy) voice and plays the guitar fabulously.

_Troy's_ the epitome of scruffy, Über-sexy badass with long hair (ties it up at the back of his nape _like_ Becks did back in the day), has solid six-pack abs and is one of the good guys.

_Difficult,_ is it not? But it's obvious who my heart belongs to. Sigh.

"Hey! _So_ — _so sorry,_ Mom took forever! Thank you for getting my coffee." She took a long sip and made an "ahhhh" afterwards.

"Don't thank me babe—thank the man who's walking back inside."

Aloy looked confused and grinned like a schoolgirl as Troy sat across from her. "This is Troy—an old friend and the one you _should_ thank for the coffee," I explained. "Troy, this is Aloy, my friend from school."

She totally blushed and fumbled with her words.

_Gah_ , I totally get how she feels. I remembered the first time I met him with Chad.

"So, did your agent call you for another gig?" I addressed the amused man next to me.

"Actually, yes, I have work tomorrow and I need to fly out to Malaga. I come back Monday." _Spain_ , he'll be in Spain...and only forty to forty-five minutes away from Marbella—awesomeness.

"That's great Troy. Chad and I are actually going to be in Marbella. Chad will be staying there for a month or two, I believe." _Depending on how he is and how he's coping after his suicide attempt._ My gut churned as I remembered him lying in the hospital bed.

"Brilliant! If I get the chance, maybe I could see you both and we can go have dinner." Chad adores Troy and his gorgeous body.

"Chad would absolutely love that! _Call us_ —we'd love to meet with you. Anyhow, we have to get back to class." Aloy and I stood up. Troy gave me a quick hug and kissed both of my cheeks. He did the same to Aloy and she looked like she was about to faint.

Once we were out on the side street and walking towards our building, she squealed. "OH MY GOD, what the fuck? _What the fuck!!!_ I squirted a little in my pants when he kissed my cheeks! _Holy shit_ of shits—that man was beautiful."

I guffawed at her reaction. "He _is_ hot—you should see his body. The man has an amazing eight-pack." She had the "are you fucking kidding me" look.

"I kid you not—he does. He's a model. You should look him up. Google Troy Scott and his abs will pop up." We giggled.

"Uhhhh, I'm in love! I'm _in love_ with Troy Scott!" She sighed dreamily.

I smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Come on lovey dovey, we have a class to get to. You can fantasize about him once you're nicely seated."

I have another hour until Blake picks me up. God, _what am I doing?_ I could've stopped myself from sleeping with Kyle but I didn't. It's a bit awful to have sex with someone knowing your heart belongs to someone else. It comes down to technicality and it becomes just plain old _shagging_ as the Brits would put it.

I want to text Kyle but I don't know what to say. Maybe I should see him in person and check if he's okay. I could drop by and say hi later tonight or tomorrow before Chad gets discharged.

# Chapter 50

### blake

Sienna was silent the whole drive to the hospital. She kept biting her bottom lip and picking at her nails.

I took her hand and placed it on my thigh. I needed to feel her even if it was a small part of her. She didn't resist when I pulled her hand away and held it. It seemed to calm her–she stopped fidgeting. Her hand was soft and warm. I love everything about this woman, even her fickle heart.

I asked Luke to travel with us to Marbella. I think he could be good for Chad. Luke openly swings on the other side of the court and could possibly help Chad sort his thoughts out.

The only thing that I'm afraid of is _if_ Chad tries to pull another stunt and succeeds the next time. He requires a good amount of help and I'm going to make sure he gets it and then some. He needs a resilient support system around him. We want him to see and feel that all of us are with him through this difficult time. We cannot fail him, not this time around.

My schedule is hectic and I will be travelling a lot but I will make sure that he has Luce, Toby and Sienna with him as much as possible.

Parking the car swiftly on the side of the road, I got out and opened the door for Sienna.

We immediately made our way inside the hospital. Upon opening the door to Chad's room, we were surprised to find him exclaim with annoyance. "Glad for _you_ people to show up, especially you, Brazilian," he huffed.

Sienna jumped on the bed and gave him a peck on the lips as she squeezed both of his cheeks. "I've missed you too, booger."

"I was here yesterday. Your annoyance applies to her, _not_ me," I said, beaming at them both.

Chad pouted. "I'm so ready to get out of this white-walled hiding place. I want the sun and fresh breeze on my face—and the hot Spanish Inquisition in bright colored nut-hugging Speedos." He beamed vibrantly. "So, what's up, chica? What's the latest four-one-one, baby love?"

Sienna's smile wavered, "I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. We're here to speak to Dr. Hill and arrange for your discharge tomorrow morning. Let's focus on that."

She looked off. So, I interjected before Chad raised more questions.

"I will have Robert pick up Sienna and drive her here to pick you up. Then you two will go back to your studio in Camden so you can pack. When that's done, Robert will drive both of you lovely creatures to the airport where I'll be waiting."

Sienna looked at me, "I thought you'd be here tomorrow when I pick up Chad?"

I shook my head, "Sorry, I will be detained. I have a video conference at eight in the morning and another one around nine-thirty. I promise I'll be there to meet you two at the airport along with Toby and Luke."

"Blake, did I tell you you're my hero?" The _almost_ vibrant looking Chad said. He still looked a little pale and a tad fragile but he was regaining his strength. "You can thank me by getting better, Chad. That's all I ask."

" _I will_ —I'm really sorry to put everyone out on a limb." Chad returned to his somber state.

"Rubbish! Since we're discussing you getting better, a therapist will make a house visit once or twice a week, depending on how you're handling things. This is part of the bargain, mate—so not a chance in Hades for you to back out."

"That's wonderful, Blake," my beautiful beloved exclaimed.

_If_ only things were fine between us, but I'm simply being fanciful. Right _now_ is not the time or place to be doing so.

"Indeed," I murmured to both of them. They were both distracted catching up with one another.

We're back on the road driving her back to her apartment. Her spirits have been replenished by seeing Chad. Apart from his apparent weight loss and weakened state, his personality is back to being happy and vivacious.

"Do you want to eat somewhere? It's almost five thirty; I'm sure you're famished."

"Thanks, but I have other plans for tonight." She was staring out the window.

Plans with _whom_...Kyle? I wanted to inquire but held my tongue in check. She wouldn't appreciate being interrogated like that.

I gripped the steering wheel harder. _Bloody hell, compose yourself Knightly._

"I see, as you wish." _I can't see. All I hear and see is my darkened jealousy and my blood pulsating like a manic boor._

I took hold of my phone and dialed Toby before I combusted in wrath and ire. "Are you available for a few lagers?"

He laughed, " _Sure mate_. Lucy's driving my head in and I'm going bonkers."

"See you in thirty minutes then, at the usual spot." I ended the call and was about to put it away when it rang again.

"Knightly," I bit out.

"Have _I caught you_ at a terrible moment?" William Knightly II graciously spoke. Give it to Granddad to mock me at the most inappropriate time. If I didn't love the stubborn man, I would've retaliated.

I scoffed, "Apologies Grandfather, it's been quite frantic the past few days."

"That comes with the territory lad. I must say that _frantic_ is rather endearing. You will stumble upon greater quandaries much later on in the business, hence the nature of my call. I want to congratulate you with the __ rather smooth acquisition of the Australian mining company. I've tried countless of times to close the gargantuan deal for the past two years but miserably failed. _But you_ —my dear child—did it _in_ two weeks. That's quite astonishing. I suppose _the old man_ trained you superbly well, _eh?_ " he chuckled.

"You did and quite excellently, sire; I am eternally in your gratitude."

He chuckled throatily at my response, "Don't be silly child, you _are_ my blood and my heir. Your brilliance runs profoundly through our veins, as did your departed father's. Do see me when you get back from Dubai, we have much to discuss." William sounded rather tired; I do hope he's been taking care of himself. I need to see his assistant and make sure things are running smoothly in his household. I'm sure they are but I want to ease my mind and conscience. I would not forgive myself if he's been neglecting himself and I didn't do anything to abate it.

"I certainly will, Grandfather. I'll come straight to England after my trip to Dubai. I will see you Saturday."

William cleared his throat—it was evident that he was smoking his favorite Cuban cigars from his labored breathing. "Splendid! I will buoyantly await your arrival." After another minute of bidding safe travels, we ended the call. My granddad is a brilliant, wise man and I pay heed to his knowledgeable opinions and guidance.

My cell rang again. "Such a busy man you are, Blake."

I glanced at the lovely woman beside me. "Indeed, my sweet." I kissed her hand and kept it with me.

"Knightly," I barked, picking up the blasted call that kept me from being with her.

"Alas, if it isn't the notorious Romeo of the twenty-first century, bloody fucking Knightly _finally_ picking up my call." Clive Barrington greeted me with derision.

_Bugger_ , calling him back escaped my mind, yet again.

"I _assure_ you, it was a purely unmitigated bypass of consciousness, dear cousin. Are you about town? Watson and I are meeting at The Stag." Clive is three years our senior, so he took the liberty of becoming our teenage mentor, _a mentor_ for all our mischievous devilry and atrocities.

"By all means, I could do with a pint or a dozen. I'll be on my merry way then my dearest _baby_ cousin."

"You arse, a baby I'm certainly not. My memory can't expunge the absurdity of you getting caught exposed and undressed at a nudist party, which disgracefully landed you on the front page of scandal rags," I laughed at his silliness. His scandal along with other socialites hit the National Enquirer with mad uproar and quite the backlash.

"Need we rehash my nefarious string of follies? My noble parents certainly are in dire need of new rubbish to ostracize and castigate me. It's strenuous and I'm going barmy," Clive grumbled.

"You do sound unbalanced, but alas, I'm driving, I'll see you in a bit. We can carry on at The Stag and hear about _your_ rather boring life." Ending the call with a rather more jovial mood than the state I was in before taking both calls. And both came from family, mind you.

The aristocratic Barrington's are similar to the Watson's _but_ rather a tad bit more rational. Henry and Blanche Barrington most likely shared a coronary attack after the story was exposed.

My second cousin, Clive Barrington, heir to a massive shipping fortune, is known for his notorious fixation to having and living the fast life. The media adores him and he basks in the attention. But _most_ of all, Clive was famous for sporting _two_ girlfriends at all times. Next to him, I'm a bloody fucking saint.

"Was that your infamous blonde cousin?" my ever silent beloved asked.

We were a minute or two away from her place. "Si, _cara mia_. I'm meeting him for drinks after I drop you off."

Sienna snorted, "I'm sure both of you go rampant when you're together. It's rather uncanny how both of you are playboys and have a _thing_ for _threesomes with insipid beauties_." Her derisive sarcasm grated me. My lightened mood vanished instantly from her obvious disdain.

" _Right darling_ , darting daggers at my impropriety...when you— _my love_ —were the one who indulged in an all-nighter _shag fest_ **two nights** _after_ you had begged for my cock to _fuck_ you until you were vapid and mindless from orgasms." I retorted.

She gasped, wide-eyed and appalled by my counter-quip. " _Fuck you_ , Blake! _Seriously_ , you and I have nothing to discuss. Apart from being civilized around our friends and our common goal with Chad, _do not_ ever fucking talk to me. Save your stupid, crappy declaration of love. I don't need this shit." She screamed like a banshee, angrily opening the door and stepping out of the car. She marched haughtily towards her building.

_Bloody fucking_ Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Sienna is without a doubt the most infuriating, exasperating, unreasonable, incongruous, and _the_ most unpredictable woman this entire planet has ever beheld!

_Fine, so be it. Blast my incorrigible affections towards her._ How many times do I have to be scornfully dismissed and rejected before my thick-headed skull accepts the bare truth—that Sienna will never _,_ ever be mine?

At times, a man has to learn and admit defeat.

# Chapter 51

### sienna

Opening the building door, I quickly turned left and leaned against the cool marble wall. The truth hurts, but when spoken out loud, it obliterates you in half.

I should've kept my opinions to myself but my _ever_ colorful imagination got the best of me. I was getting used to being friendly with him and my irrational self had to go put a damper on it.

I wanted to meet Kyle before I left for Marbella but decided against it. Instead, I shot him a text message.

**Me:**

**Hi. I'm leaving tomorrow with everyone except for Luce. I'm sorry but I don't think I can continue being stuck in this odd position I am in now. I need to be alone and deal with my feelings with Blake first. I'm sorry Kyle. I didn't want it to be like this but I don't have a choice. Take care.**

_It is better this way,_ I tried to convince myself.

Since I will be heading straight to the airport after picking up Chad, I immediately started packing. The plan was for me to stay there for five days to a week, depending on how Chad is doing and how accommodating my teachers are. I promised them that I would at least show up for class once or twice every two weeks. On top of that, I have to turn in my assignments on time.

I decided to hit the sack at nine p.m. I pressed play on my music player and the sound of "Pavane" by Pablo Segovia Gardel eased my tension. I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep thinking how odd it was that I hadn't listened to baroque guitar music in weeks... _and how odd that it was the first thing that popped up..._

Robert rang exactly at nine in the morning. I was half-dressed and decided to down my lukewarm coffee. I woke up around eight _ish_ and lounged around in my half awakened state. By the time I hit the shower, it was twenty before nine. I was in panic mode and I didn't get the chance to put any make-up on. I was dressed in all white with nude Louboutin pumps on. I donned a bright lavender pashmina scarf for a splash of color. I left my wet hair down because I didn't get the chance to properly dry it.

With my aviator shades on, I dragged my luggage out the door. Luce quickly shooed me away and promised she would visit in a couple of days. She looked downright haggard. Love has its ups and downs and she's obviously in the down department. How I wish she could just forget about what Toby's parents want and follow her heart.

By the time I reached Chad, he was impatiently tapping his foot on the floor. "Babe—I'm so happy that you're finally out! You look like _my_ Chad with your painted jeans on and sweater. Good riddance, hospital garb."

"I thought you changed your mind about picking me up _or_ you were still passed out. But _seeing_ how wet your hair is, I'm assuming that you simply lagged and processed everything this morning like you had a virus or something."

"Whoa, why in the world would I change my mind about picking you up? We're all in this together. Don't forget that, okay? _Drill_ it in your beautiful head that we are not going away because the going gets tough. So, just stop it with the pity party because you're stuck with me for the next few days."

Looking almost radiant, he grabbed my arm and we exited the building. Robert awaited us and graciously opened the door. "Good day sire, I'm Robert. Mr. Knightly instructed me to take you back to your flat and then drive you to Gatwick."

"Hello Robert, I'm Chad. It's great to meet you," he acknowledged as we both slid into the waiting Bentley and into the cool confines of soft black leather seats.

"Isn't Blake _the best,_ baby girl? _I mean hell, look at what he's doing for me?_ He's been so, _so good_. I feel like I'm going to cry every time I think about what he's done so far for me. Who would've thought the man has a heart of pure gold? You'd think with all that wealth and aristocratic handsomeness that he would be a twit deep down _but_ lo and behold, the man surpasses everything beyond belief."

I sighed. He was right but I didn't feel like agreeing and gushing about the great Blake Knightly.

"Silence is golden they say...but aren't you a wee bit regretful turning him down? I mean—come on—Blake _proposed_ and you don't look bothered at all." My friend kept ranting on.

_Great, why don't we swap sex stories right where dear old Robert can hear you loud and clear, Chad? I wanted to yell but held my tongue._

I didn't look bothered, _seriously?_ What the hell was I supposed to do when I found out the man I fell for lied? Never once uttering a word about being betrothed! I couldn't just put that aside because I was in love with him. We needed time apart to see if being together was something I— _we_ —wanted.

"That's water under the bridge, babe. It is what it is." Chad would be appalled if he knew how things unfolded while he was in the hospital. But I was saving that overloaded chitchat for when he was settled and happy.

"Seriously, Sienna...I love you but you can be really dumb and stupid sometimes."

What the fuck? Did he really just say that? Grrrr...

" _Excuse me?_ " I glared at his serious expression.

"I do love you, baby girl, but the man seriously loves you and you let him go. You're going to cry foul when he finds happiness elsewhere. When you realize how much you need him, he'll be the one to dump your nicely shaped, beautiful ass."

"What do you think, Robert?" Chad asked Blake's driver. I wanted to kick his scrotum sack right then and there.

"Err...pardon, were you asking my opinion of Ms. Sienna's bottom, _sire_?" Hell is a bitch they say. I am beyond red with embarrassment.

" _That too_ —but, no. Her turning down your handsome boss–like Blake Knightly–didn't matter."

_Blake mattered_ , damn it. Chad just didn't get it. But I didn't want to get riled up when my dear friend was just starting to live again. If he thinks my love life is something to be ridiculed at the moment— _which it surely is_ —then I'll let him have a ball with it. I stopped glaring at him.

"My sire is a lovely chap. You must be a very special woman if the young man chose you, Ms. Sienna."

"Uh...thank you," I murmured, mortified.

The trip to Chad's studio was quick. He basically threw everything in his luggage without bother. It was either he didn't care about packing properly or he wanted to leave immediately. I was assuming it was the latter. Too many ghosts lying around London that he hadn't exorcised yet.

When we met the trio at Gatwick, they were rather gloomy and dismal, except for Luke. He and Chad got along instantly. They acted like they had known each other forever. I was sure Blake briefed him about Chad and everything that had happened. I hoped Luke could talk to him about what he was going through and maybe shed a different light on the subject.

Do all gays go through the same situation about coming out and coming to terms with their sexual identity? I mean, it's hard enough to go through life itself, but _add_ another problem with your sexuality being shunned by your family? That's a lot to take. I know that parents influence their children from the very start and we, us kids, strive hard to please and make our parents proud of us. Their opinion and approval matter. I suppose some parents are understanding and give their full love and support to those who come out of the closet. But if you come across with parents who are like Chad's, how can one survive without stripping oneself bare with hurt, pain and rejection?

We were ushered to a private departure area and boarded Blake's Gulfstream jet. I took in the luxurious soft-hued interior and was overwhelmed by the blatant opulence of my surroundings.

Blake certainly rotates in another orbit. I mean, there are people who are living comfortably (me), and _then_ there are people who live with all the comfort that wealth can offer (Blake), the great divide. It must be nice to have a private jet at your beck and call.

I sat next to the grim looking Toby. Across from me sat Luke and Chad. Blake was situated on the opposite side of the plane going through papers and barking out orders on his phone.

A giggly stewardess greeted Toby, and I looked up to check who it was. _Well_ surprise, surprise. If it wasn't _the_ infamous Ivanna—dressed to the nines with what looked like a stewardess uniform and a Hermes scarf stylishly wrapped around her neck.

"Ivanna, we meet again. What a lovely surprise," Toby drawled sarcastically.

"Yes, good to see you too, and you as well, Sienna." I gave her a frown/smile. I don't know what that must've looked like but that's what it felt like. When she moved past us and went over to Blake, I looked away.

"You and Luce look like shit." Chad observed.

I glanced over at Toby's poor state. His boyish easy charm was gone. He looked utterly haunted.

"She broke up with me and I couldn't do anything about it," Toby quietly admitted with grief.

" _Shut the front door!"_ Chad exclaimed. "You guys didn't! I saw her yesterday and she didn't say a word. What the hell you guys! No one tells me any juice anymore." Chad pouted and was about to sulk but snapped out of it. He reached for Toby's hand, "Whatever Lucy's on, she'll come out of it soon enough. She loves you, hun."

"I doubt that. My family did a superb job in slashing my love life to shreds," he said. Once his laptop came to life, he focused on work

_Dear God, I hate seeing them like this_. Everything was downright depressing. With all this shit that we've endured, surely there's a light at the end of the tunnel?

It was our third day in Marbella. Blake left for the Middle East the other day which left us with Toby. Luce was supposed to arrive yesterday but moved it back when she learned Blake was going to be in town Saturday. She promised to fly with him.

Toby was utterly miserable and was drunk on a nightly basis. All he does is blabber about his life and complain about Lucy. Sometimes lovingly, but most of the time he wasn't so kind or forgiving.

We just finished our lunch on the terrace overlooking the magnificent Mediterranean Sea. The ten bedroom villa with a tennis court, an enormous pool and a helipad was purely breathtaking. It was Spanish architecture meets cool contemporary. There was a lot of glass and open space. The deep purple bougainvillea made this sprawling dreamy house _even_ more enchanting.

"Your therapist should be here in a few minutes," I told Chad. "Are you ready, babe?" I eyed his frowning face.

" _No_ —but it is what it is. My last chance—what could go wrong? I hope this helps me. Will you go with me as emotional support? It would help a great deal."

"It isn't your last chance, hon. It's all up to you if you want it to be or not. If you wish me to be there, then who am I to say no to my best gay friend?" I squeezed his shoulders to give him assurance.

Dr. Lauren Murray was in her mid-sixties and had lovely, cropped, salt-and-pepper hair. Her eyes crinkled on the sides every time she smiled (a good sign). Her warm brown eyes made me feel instantly right at home. Chad looked a bit relieved.

After she finished with the basics, she started to probe Chad. "Let's start with your childhood. How was it growing up with devoted Christian parents and being an only child?"

"It was okay, I guess. Sometimes I would get pangs of jealousy when I saw other kids play with their siblings but my parents didn't want another child. They said it was too much for them. One kid was perfect they said. I think they put all of their hope in me because I was their only kid."

I sat quietly looking at Chad and held his hand for encouragement.

"Did that hope turn into pressure?"

"Yes, it definitely did. If my grades were not stellar, they would make me study another hour or two before I could eat dinner. There was constant pressure for me to be perfect. They wanted me to join and help out our church, and I did. I did all they asked of me...until I realized that there was something different about me."

Dr. Murray listened intently and nodded her head indicating for him to go on.

"The Bible states that a union is between a man and a woman. I think I was around seven or nine—I'm not so sure, but it was around that age. I was a boy and I didn't find any of the girls I knew cute...this was the age when my friends started scoping out girls and blushing around them—but I didn't feel any of that. The only time I blushed was when I saw Jack Meyers. That got me thinking but I didn't voice it out to anyone. I knew even at a young age that my parents wouldn't be pleased about that.

"So, I went on keeping it a secret. When middle school rolled in, my choices in music and clothing geared towards poppy female items. Music wise, I was an avid Madonna and Cindy Lauper fan. My clothing was flashy and fashionable and boys my age noticed the difference. The bullying started in eighth grade and lasted throughout high school. My locker would be spray painted with the words 'FAG,' 'GAY,' 'SINNER' and 'HOMO.' It happened on a daily basis so I got used to it. In our small community, everyone knew I was gay but no one ever mentioned it to my parents. People avoided it like it was the big elephant in the room. People from school stayed clear away from me. They thought being close to me would give them a disease or something. So, I was pretty much alone most of the time.

"During senior year, I went home late one night because I was so engrossed in a photography project that I didn't realize it was already six at night. I remembered rushing to the parking lot, hoping my parents wouldn't give me crap about being tardy for dinner. The parking lot was littered with the school football team. They had just ended practice and were about to go home as well. One of them hooted and they all started calling me names. They waited for me to respond or show some type of reaction but I didn't and kept on walking towards my car. Before I reached the handle of my car door, I was slammed so hard against it that my car window shattered. The impact made me lose consciousness. When I woke up, I was lying face down on the gravel naked with profane words written all over my body and a plastic bottle stuck inside my ass. I dragged my aching body to the nearest fountain and rubbed off the marks from my face and arms. I didn't bother with my legs and chest because I could scrub it off once I got in the shower.

"When I got home, my parents gave me hell for being late and irresponsible. I didn't argue with them because they wouldn't have understood. Once I was in the shower, I bawled my eyes out and asked God why he made me this way. Why he made me gay. If he loved me, why would he put me through so much anguish and suffering?

"The thought of moving far away occurred to me that night. I chose London because it was on another continent and they would accept _my_ kind more openly. I mean, they allow same sex marriage; what could go wrong? The minute I left home, I felt free and the opportunities were endless; I was euphoric. For five years, my life started to mold and take shape in London. I learned to accept myself and started to love who I am; it was not about God's hate and why I'm gay. There was no point in blaming things that were out of my control. I realized that the whole point of my existence was to simply accept myself for who I am. _And I did_ —until my parents called me after they learned about my "secret."

"The things they said were beyond what I could take. At one point, I almost convinced myself that their opinions didn't matter an inch. But it did, deep in my heart, it frustratingly did. My only solace was to get drunk and get high on drugs. It worked for awhile and my constant gambling helped distract me from my life. The last call from my mother broke the camel's back. Every bubble of feeling I had from back home resurfaced with a two-horned vengeance. I was drowning but couldn't tell anyone what I was going through. The night I decided to finish my life, I had a moment of clarity and _I felt at peace_. It seemed to make sense then...that the only thing that could take away this burning pain and agony was to end my life. It was the perfect answer and I took it with joy."

My tears were flowing freely and I wasn't even bothered by them. Chad's frightening story made me angry at his parents for not protecting him—for not accepting him.

"I am saddened to learn you think that ending your life was the answer to your problem. How did it feel when you woke up and realized that your attempt at suicide didn't succeed?"

"I was angry at first. But when I saw all of my friends looking sad and bereft, it dawned on me that I didn't want to see them like that because of me. I didn't even stop for a second to think about how they would feel or how they would take it. I was so bitter and full of my own emotional battle that it was hard to see past it."

"So, you're saying your friends are the reason why you want to live again?"

"Yes and no. I mean, I love them all. The past few weeks have shown how much they love and support me. I've never had that, _ever_. The feeling of being loved for who I am overcame everything else. I thought if they believed in me, why couldn't I put that much faith in getting better? If my parents didn't accept me, then there wasn't much I could do about it. _But my friends_ —my own small family— _did_ and I can't let them down again. I survived the bullying in high school, why can't I survive this? I have to dig deep and pull out my 'grown-up man suit' and simply face life again...even though inside I'm screaming 'fuck you'...but I have to start somewhere."

"That's a great optimistic outlook, Chad. I'm happy that you see how much your friends love you. You're a very lucky man to have great friends. Others aren't quite as lucky."

"I know and I'm very grateful for that."

# Chapter 52

### Sienna

"How does it make you feel listening to Chad speak about his past, Sienna?" Her shrewd eyes landed on me.

"I feel awful and there are no words to describe how much I feel—I _feel_ so much at this moment. I mean, when I met him the first time, he was so vibrant and so full of life. Hearing how he was being bullied in school and survived the way he did...he's remarkably brave. I don't know what I would've done if it had happened to me."

"What drew you together? I'm assuming you are close friends, best of friends perhaps?"

"Best of friends, we have our love for dancing in common and that's where we met. My parents died at an early age—so we connected somehow with his lack of parental support. I've had insurmountable guilt from the moment I learned of his suicide attempt. I was so caught up in my own turmoil that I didn't see how bad it was for him."

"I understand that feeling, my dear, but it wasn't your fault. You must realize that." I nodded, not knowing what to say.

"Tell me more about your background if you don't mind, Sienna? I want to understand the depth of your connection with Chad and why he chose _you_ to be here for him and not someone else. From what I gathered earlier, there are five of you in this group of friends, but Chad _chose_ you."

I cleared my throat and spoke. "My mother died giving birth to me and my dad raised me as a single parent. He died when I was seven and I had to move in with my father's sister in Los Angeles. She had a family of her own and they weren't too pleased to take on an orphan but they didn't have any other choice. I moved out the minute I got my high school diploma and left to study in London. My dad made wise investments with his money and made a small fortune. He even set aside a college fund. So studying abroad was an easy escape route, very much like Chad's."

"Was living with your father's sister pleasant? Was it a loving atmosphere?" Dr. Murray went on.

" _No_ —she and her husband were quite abusive, physically and mentally."

"What kind of physical abuse did you endure?"

"In the beginning, it started out small. They would spank me or lock me inside a tiny linen closet–for up to six hours at a time. As I got older, the abuse became much more intense. I was beaten with whatever came in _handy_ —a belt or a sturdy malleable stick, but their favorite was a shotgun cleaner. It's a long, spiral metal rod with fine, bristled metal husks to clean the inside nozzle of a gun. The metal husks pierced my skin with each hit. It was extremely painful. Sometimes they would have me kneel on pebbles, grains, or beer bottle caps nailed upside down on a large, thick piece of wood—sometimes with only my underclothes on–for up to eight hours at a time.

"I remember going to school with bruises all over my body or dried, crusted blood on my legs. On one occasion, the wounds on my legs wouldn't close up and blood dripped into my shoes until my socks were soaked in it. One of my teachers noticed what was happening to me and tried to report it. My aunt and uncle were prominent members of their community. So no one looked into the accusations after they paid off the town's officials with a sizeable amount of money.

"However, unlike Chad, I had a friend that always looked out for me. Because of Kyle, I didn't feel so alone. After hearing your story Chad, it makes me sad that you didn't have anyone."

Chad gasped loudly. My friends knew only little details about the abuse I suffered through as a child; I just gave them an abbreviated version with not much detail. I wanted to share some of the details with Chad since he was being so open, spewing bravely about his own inner demons.

"Oh my God, Sienna—the story you told us was a little different," Chad said. " _I mean sure_ —you mentioned the beating and being an abused child but _never_ to this extent. I can't imagine a seven year old girl scared out of her wits being locked in a tiny linen closet for six hours." He held me tight through our tears.

"This indeed showed a different light to your friendship. You see Chad, even though you are going through a different type of battle, you should always remember the type of battle your friend is going through as well. I can see that she is still trying to heal and may have a long way to go after years of being an abused child—but she is still trying and moving forward."

She shook her head and held her chest. "I spanked my kids a few times on their bottoms when they were driving me manic. But I profusely apologized immediately to my younglings. But right now, I imagine them being seven years old again _without_ anyone to help them—and being treated in such a way—my heart is gutted. I really think you should seek out someone to talk to Sienna. It might help sort some things out."

I sniffed. "Thank you. I might just do that. I have to think it through first."

"Chad—this has been a very good productive day. I will be back on Monday and we will continue then." She stood up and they quietly left the sunny living room.

I looked through the windows and wanted to study the beautiful landscape but I couldn't see a thing since my tears were blurring everything.

My tears were unstoppable.

When Chad returned, Toby was with him. "What the hell happened, Chad? Did someone hurt her? Why are you both crying?" His puzzled voice amused me but it was impossible to say so through my weeping.

Toby sat next to me and cradled my head to his chest. "Hush now, love—there is no man on earth worth crying over like this." Really, a man...is that the best he could do?

"Now you're just being an idiot," Chad said. "Sienna joined me during therapy and ended up sharing her heartbreaking child abuse story. I'm so sorry, Sienna—I didn't expect for it to go that way."

"No–I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know. You were so brave in baring your soul to us. If Dr. Murray felt it was important to share my story with you so you could start healing, then it's worth it." I said in between hiccups.

Chad sat on the other side of Toby and we all huddled together until Chad's and my sobs subsided.

The three of us prepared dinner together. During dinner, my phone rang and I absentmindedly took it without paying attention to the caller.

"Hello?"

"Is this Ms. Sienna Richards?" A firm woman spoke.

"Yes, this is she—"

"Hello, Sienna! I'm Tina Goldsmith and I'm the lawyer for Edith Galley. My client used to work for Mr. Dante Brown. To get to the point, Mr. Brown physically assaulted and abused Ms. Galley two months ago. There are pictures to prove the incident did happen. We are building a case and we learned that you lived in their household until you turned eighteen. Now, Ms. Richards, I was hoping to see if you would be so inclined to help us and tell us exactly what type of a man Mr. Brown is as a character witness? It would solidify the case and your testimony would mean a great deal to Ms. Galley. Mr. Brown needs help and by proving him guilty, he would get exactly it, and possibly some time in jail."

"Wow, that's a lot of information to take in. I understand, _I truly do_ —but I can't do this right now. Is it possible for me to call you back later on next week? This is really not the right time for me."

"Thank you, Ms. Richards. That would be generous of you. I will send you a text message with my information. Thanks again!" She said before ending the call.

"Care to enlighten us about that call and the odd look on your face?" Toby and Chad waited for my reply.

"That was a lawyer representing an employee who used to work for my uncle. She claims that my uncle physically assaulted and abused her. She has a pretty solid case and physical evidence, but would like my testimony as a character witness to make it air tight. And to lock my uncle up for a long time."

" _Amazing!_ Karma's a bitch and your fucking uncle is up next!" Chad said haughtily.

"Are you planning to give a statement?" Chad asked. "I know it's none of my business, but I think you should really do this—for your own sake and for any others he may have abused as well. I know your Aunt and Uncle are both callous, _sadistic_ people and they both deserve to rot in the cellar. And if you can help put your uncle there, why not do it? He certainly doesn't deserve pity. Anyone who hurts women— _let alone a small child_ —indubitably deserves punishment. You have to do this, Sienna. It's supremely important that you do."

" _I will_ —I don't think I can allow him to hurt another person. If I don't do this...how many children or women is he going to inflict harm upon in the future?" I announced with conviction. That bastard deserves it and don't I know it.

After an eventful dinner, we all voted to watch _Under the Tuscan Sun_ with Diane Lane to end our night. The thought of Toby obliging us with a chick flick was definitely a sign he felt bad for us. He usually grumbles and complains about the genre—but tonight—he was the perfect companion.

Not once did Toby touch alcohol. I suppose our crying stint sobered him up quickly.

After the movie, we all went straight to bed. I was exhausted from all the crying.

Sleep couldn't come soon enough.

_"Help...anyone...please," my small defeated voice pleaded as I pounded on the thick oak door._

_It was Papa's one month death anniversary._

_"Can you stop with the stupid loud pounding, you little rat? No one is letting you out. So shut up and let me concentrate on watching my show!" my cousin Caroline hissed furiously against the linen closet door._

_My shirt was soaked with tears and it was starting to feel chilly inside the closet. I bunched up my tiny fists and slammed it against the door again. "I didn't mean to be late waking up. I'm sorry! I promise I won't do it again!" My small fist pounded a little harder, until I had no more strength._

_After another hour of crying, my body started to shiver furiously._

_"Papa...why did you have to leave me with them?" I spoke in a whisper._

_"Papa, please come back. I need you...," my tiny voice pleaded._

I immediately woke up startled and turned on the lamp beside my bed. I was freely crying. _Papa..._

I haven't dreamt about that damn tiny closet in almost two years. Why are the dreams coming back now? The therapy definitely opened some unhealed wounds and now they've resurfaced.

The only chance I have now is to brave it out and finally deal with it. Maybe Dr. Murray was right. It was high time I talk to someone about it. For almost thirteen years, I've bottled everything up. It's no wonder I'm so messed up.

I wanted to call Kyle, but I knew it wasn't fair to bother him at this odd hour. I would save that late night talk for when I really needed it.

Turning off the lamp, I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I pictured my happy childhood with my father—him putting me to bed and reading my favorite bedtime story—him singing while he cooked us a meal with a huge grin—or when he taught me how to draw.

Memories of my father eased my troubled thoughts and put me back to sleep.

_Sleep tight, my sweet pea...be strong...I love you..._ my dad's soft voice whispered through the darkened room.

# Chapter 53

### blake

It was already eight at night when I left my grandfather's estate just outside of London. Our conversation focused solely on Knightly Industries and where I plan to take it in the next few years. I'm ambitious and I like to invest my energy in various fields.

William was impressed with what I envisage of the company's future. Since I tapped the mining industry in Australia, I want to explore more options for expanding our investments with crude oil. I also want to expand our casinos across Europe and the Caribbean. I know Clive will start training in the family business soon. I'd rather talk business with my notorious cousin instead of the pompous Henry.

Grandfather was pleased with the direction I'm leading our company in. He knows I love it as much as he does and wouldn't jeopardize it any way. He had a lot of reservations in regards to making me a CEO at such a young age but my record proved I was worth the risk. I was born and raised to run our company and I take it personally when things do not go according to plan.

In a week's time, I will turn twenty-five and Grandfather will officially announce that he is stepping down as CEO and officially appointing me as his heir and successor. This is not _new_ news but this is how it's done in the business arena. Nothing is official until it is made _official_.

Toby plans to have a huge bash in Spain to celebrate my birthday and I will oblige his request. My best man has been out of sorts from his recent parting with Lucy. I didn't understand how two lovely and very much in love people could be separated by a mild interference from Toby's parents. Rupert and Evelyn are ghastly and absurd. How can a sweet and strong-headed woman like Lucille Connelly feel threatened by that harebrained lot?

Pulling out my mobile, I made a quick call to my pilot to let him know that I will be ready to leave London for Spain in an hour's time. The plan was for me to leave tomorrow morning, but I feel restless from all the travelling I've been doing over the past few days. To be quite honest, I want to see Sienna even if she doesn't plan to speak to yours truly. It's pathetic and rather pitiful to resort to this unusual type of emotional torture, but I do admit that I tend to be a masochist where Sienna is concerned.

Robert was weaving through traffic to get to Luce and Sienna's flat. Lucy wanted to join me on the flight back to Marbella. I'm sure her delaying mechanism is to avoid Toby as much as she can. I don't blame her, well not really. Break-ups are wretched and it becomes even more disconcerting when you run in the same circle of friends. I witnessed Lucy and Toby fall in love. They met at a friend's party in Knightsbridge and were immediately inseparable. _Literally the day after_ —they ate and made love for six whole days straight. I understand the whole concept of shagging a hot woman for six days straight _but_ to confine oneself with the woman in the same flat for that long without a break in those six days? _It's rather unprecedented_ —I thought then—but changed my view once I met Sienna. They claimed it was love at first sight, but _where_ is that everlasting love now?

"Lovely, thank you." Lucy thanked the stewardess who placed a glass of white wine and an assorted plate of snacks before her.

"You lost a lot of weight, Luce. Have you been eating at all?" Leisurely sitting across from her, I studied her gaunt looking face.

"I do eat, you cavalier man! I'd rather not banter with you for the next two hours whilst being confined in an airplane. That would bloody make me demented. A gentleman would leave the subject alone." She popped a grape in her mouth.

"I need not broach the subject again _if_ that pleases you, but do pay heed. I do have another query, if you will oblige me, dear Lucy."

"Well _hell_ , do go on. My curiosity is rather piqued."

"What really happened with Toby? I do _need_ you to come forth with honesty and not some fabrication of sorts. I trust we're close enough that you will confide in me with confidence and certainty."

She took a sip of wine and shook her head. Luce looked vulnerable and conflicted. "I don't want to be the reason to break Toby and his family apart. Or the reason— _if there is any possibility for that matter_ —for them to go bankrupt. _You_ of all people know that I love him—I love him like no other. But I couldn't live with myself if I put him in a situation where he would be forced to choose. That's quite a horrid position to be in and I do not want to be the person to do that to Toby." She toyed with her glass and watched the golden liquid swish about.

"Toby abhors his parents but does a proper job in concealing it," I explained. "His father, Rupert, gambles on a daily basis. The losses can sometimes be covered with the family business earnings and most times—if the loss is too substantial, it simply needs to come out of their bank account. Evelyn gets a generous allowance from her side of the family, but most of that goes directly to frivolous expenditures. Keeping up appearances can be exhausting, most especially when there's not much money to go about to cover a gambling addiction and excessive spending by both parties.

"Toby was asked to cover Liam's private schooling expenses because his parents couldn't be bothered with cutting their spending to benefit and educate their second son," I continued. "Upon learning this, I offered to help but Toby wouldn't have it. He's a proud man and won't accept any handouts. When he sold his apartment, I stepped in to ease his burden. I hired him and proposed a better deal that would benefit us both.

"The man is going through a blockade of hurdles, one after the other, but what got him through unscathed was your unyielding support. Toby exalts in your love and support, Luce. Since you left him, he's been obliterating his pain in alcohol. The man _is_ desperate for you—he _needs_ you. I implore you to bestow your unrelenting love and affection on him again."

"That was quite a speech, Blake," Lucy began. "How in the bloody hell did Sienna manage to leave such a man? But to answer your plea—at this point, I cannot cross that particular bridge yet. He needs to sort through this _exceptional_ circumstance his family and him are in. I'd rather not be in the middle of a family feud—even if the man included in the equation is Toby Watson."

I do understand her stance and I respect her for it. She loves Toby enough to let him go. She doesn't want to get involved in his family's affairs.

"You know, I've watched you two go back and forth and I find it exhausting. I know you love her to distraction and _yet..._ she keeps slipping off your manly fingers. What is a powerful man to do?" She quirked a brow at me.

"A man— _powerful or not_ —cannot simply do anything about it. One should pay heed to what a noble man should do— _quietly walk away_." I poured a glass of the rich burgundy wine that was being ignored for her.

I feel rather celebratory tonight. Apart from my failings in the romantic department, everything else in my life seemed to be succeeding. That is something to be applauded and commemorated.

"I guess a man of your stature and looks doesn't need to worry. Flocks of women are easily acquired by you without even lifting a finger," Lucy said. " _But I am not a soddy fool_ —you still love her. I see your blasted handsome face contort with agony every time I mention her name. You better take on a new mask, love, because this one simply doesn't work."

My face split into a huge grin. The woman has a shrewd eye.

"I can't force her Luce—and even if I do, what does it matter? I _do_ and _do not_ want her. Her sexual stint with Kyle did not bide with me well."

She puffed out a breath and folded her arms. "Only a chauvinistic man would say such thing. Do you not recall that you shagged two different women on the same day, Blake? Because I certainly do. It was quite _epic_ really, and I didn't even judge you for it. So what if Sienna did it— _what?_ _A day or two after?_ You dare crucify her for it?

"Even if her intentions were not to go through with it, given the circumstances of her being surrounded with rock stars and alcohol— _did you really think Kyle would resist the chance to be with her?_ He's in love with her too. If the roles were reversed, you would've done the very same thing. So, put aside your bigotry where I can't see it."

She was starting to get heated but even if I argued my case, she would not have agreed with it. Instead, I applauded her performance with a standing ovation and a good chuckle.

"Oh heavens, do shut up with your stupid laugh!" Lucy exclaimed.

For the rest of the flight, we enjoyed good laughs. It was rather refreshing to spend time with Luce again without her glaring or throwing daggers at me for a change.

Her somber state resurfaced once the pilot announced our impending landing. This weekend is going to be rather interesting.

# Chapter 54

### Sienna

A week later...

My hands were shaking from what I did, but I couldn't stomach it anymore. Watching him openly flirt with the two women drove me mad and I acted out of instinct. When I found him with that arrogant smirk on his face, it angered me like no other. I didn't even think twice–I just went over to him and dumped my drink contents in his lap, to the surprise of all three of them. The women threw horrifying shrieks but what stilled me was the _look_ on Blake's face.

The storm was coming and I scampered for a place to hide. I ran back inside the villa. I was afraid of that _look_ he had. It was different—he didn't even look at me like that when I told him I slept with Kyle. _That's_ what has me scared...I certainly pressed the wrong button this time.

This is his twenty-fifth birthday party! He was going to be beyond outraged.

I couldn't go straight upstairs to my bedroom because that's where he'd start looking first. I pushed the heavy double doors of his study open and walked over to the small bar in the far corner. I needed to calm my nerves. I poured half a glass of cognac and downed it in one gulp.

" _Have you_ _had enough fun for one night, Sienna?_ " His voice totally caught me off guard. I jumped and the glass I held in my hand slipped and fell on the carpeted floor with a thud.

_Fuck!_ I didn't hear the door open.

My heart was lurching out of my chest. He paced himself lightly across the carpet and I knew he was close behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to breathe. My exposed back tingled and the hair on my nape stood out as I felt him so _near_ , only a hairsbreadth away.

My body was on high alert and I almost fainted when his hot breath touched my sensitive ear. " _Why were you jealous?_ Can't stand seeing me _want_ another woman or _women_ for that matter?" My breathing hitched.

His hateful voice made me shiver; goose bumps spread all over my body. "I don't know what came over me—" I wanted to apologize but he would have known it was empty.

" _Yes, you do_. Must you spout more lies? We both _know_ what it is you want. You're always libidinous and carnal when I'm around. You _threw_ hysterics because you felt threatened when you saw me cavorting with those two women. You decided to sabotage any chance of a celebratory threesome shag because... _you wanted me for yourself_." Hot, heavy breath tickled my ear. I clamped my legs tighter when I felt a shot of wetness seep out of my over excited mound.

I shook my head in denial. "That's not true. Stop it...with this _sexual trip_ Blake—"

He barked an evil laugh.

I was immobilized when I felt the back of his finger caress my exposed back, _up_ and _down_ in smooth...slow strokes. I shuddered from his hot touch.

I swallowed and licked my lips.

Shit. Fuck. _Shit!!!!_

" _Look at you_ —you're already wanton and shamelessly aroused and I've barely even touched you. Are you _sure_ you don't want me to fuck you, _baby?_ Your cunt is calling for me and I ache to ease you out of your discomfort. Do you want my cock to soothe your ruffled feathers, _baby?_ " Blake's condescending tone didn't go unnoticed.

_Baby_. He never calls me baby. It was either poppet, my sweet, my love or _cara mia_ but never _baby_. He _knew_ Kyle called me "baby" and he's using it to hurt me—to hurt me for sleeping with Kyle.

If I was a meek woman, I would've succumbed to his spiteful spew and begged the lovely man to take me. After all, I did want him like crazy. The throbbing need of my body was obvious. But I am not a meek woman—I am stubborn and difficult.

I hardened my resolve and turned away from him. I sauntered towards the middle of his large oak desk and lifted my ass to sit on top. The cognac I drank started to work its magic over me.

The wicked side of me rejoiced.

He was still rooted to the spot where I left him. His eyes watched every single move I made. He looked like a sleek panther, predatory and ready to pounce. His beautiful face was hard _but_ his dynamic eyes spoke volumes.

_Waiting..._

I held his eyes and scooted a bit more on the desk for space. I held the slit of my dress and opened it. My legs were open wide, for his viewing. My pussy exposed for his scrutiny.

_Still_ , he held eye contact and didn't move an inch. I touched my inner thigh with a finger and traced it all the way to my crotch. I gleefully gasped from the contact. His eyes darkened. My face broke into a smile. _Gotcha_. My middle finger found my nub and I started to rub it. We were having a silent conversation through our eyes. My eyes were asking him " _How long will you last, watching me touch myself until you fold_?"

His eyes told me that I was playing with fire. But I didn't care—I felt free and so... _alive_.

I pulled the fabric knot on my neck with my free hand. My breasts spilled free and I think I heard him grunt painfully. " _Do you like watching me_ , Blake? You like me out of control, _don't you?_ " My eyes daring him as I bit my lip, cupped my breast and moaned achingly. I was rubbing myself furiously as I touched my breasts. Together, both sensations were getting intense and I threw my head back with reckless abandonment.

" _Damn you_ , Sienna!" He roared and my gold/green eyes snapped back at him. He was standing before me, his eyes glazed with blatant desire as he watched me rub myself. He released a guttural growl and shoved two fingers inside my hole. My body crumpled from the feel of him...from the knowledge that he couldn't resist me, the way I couldn't resist him.

I rocked my hips back and forth, biting my bottom lip. "Come for me. I want to see you beautifully come apart."

I whimpered when he captured my nipple and furiously slid his fingers in and out of me.

"Blake—FUCK! You're driving me crazy! _I want you..._ I'll always want you..." I gasped for air as I violently convulsed around him.

He pulled his fingers out and made me lick my juices off. I fumbled at his trousers and sighed when my hand captured him. The satiny, rock-hard cock twitched when I stroked it. " _You're so big_ —it's hard to resist a man who is well-endowed and quite gifted in the _shagging_ department." My teasing tone made him pause and he became eerily still.

He took my chin and stared right through me. I was a little more than taken aback from the change of his demeanor. I was perplexed, stupefied. What is he doing? _Can't we just fuck?_ I wanted to say but I was paralyzed by the depth of his scrutinizing eyes.

His eyes were flicking back and forth, studying and searching... _searching for answers_. WTF?! **** My heart was galloping like a wild horse. _What's he doing?_!

I started to panic but I couldn't break eye contact. _I want to_ but his searing gaze froze me on the spot. _"_ Blake...I'm ready for you... _what are you waiting for?_ " I rasped out, a little desperate. I wanted it to be about sex, _only sex_ and nothing else.

"Kiss me."

What?

" _Excuse me?_ Did I just hear you right? _You want to make out_ instead of being inside me?" I questioned his motives with apparent disbelief.

"Kiss me, Sienna," He whispered softly as he hovered around my bottom lip.

My brain was muddled and my body was humming.

" **Kiss me** like you mean it. **Show me** what your heart is feeling. **Show me** how I affect you."

With a frustrated groan, I grabbed both of his cheeks and kissed him, _just as he asked_. After five minutes with our lips only touching—wrestling as our emotions took a strong hold over us _and out of nowhere_ , he pulled away. I gasped as he extracted his lips from mine.

His eyes were murderous...incensed...and _very empty_. I was about to ask a question when he jammed his cock inside me with a fast powerful thrust. "I hate you!" He spat out with pure venom as he pummeled my pussy harder. I was dismayed and a little hurt from his declaration but my strung out body was responding to him...he was rough and my back was hurting from my arched position as I held my upper body with my palms on the hard desk to give me leverage. " _I fucking hate you! You like being a whore for me, Sienna?_ " His voice thundered. Large hands held my delicate neck as he bashed my pussy callously, impaling me in place. His large cock was so deep, I felt him all the way to my stomach. Every thrust grazed my cervix and I was moaning from his feral, primitive fucking.

The familiar build of climax coiled inside me. The earth-shattering quakes of my orgasm arrived with a heavy, deafening impact. My body was convulsing as Blake choked me a little tighter. With one last brutal thrust, he violently came. " _I hate you_ ," he snarled. Chanting those words a few times like a mantra while his cock heavily pulsated with each spurt of semen he unloaded inside me.

I'm wounded and pained. _He hated me_ but it didn't stop either of us from using each other. Sex is such a compelling weapon whether you love or _hate_ the other person involved.

"This has got to stop, Sienna. This is not a _game_ I want to participate in anymore. Find someone else to play with." His desolate, penetrating eyes mutilated me.

I was immobilized as I watched him pull out of me and hastily zip his pants. He bounded for the door but stopped in his tracks before turning to open the brass door handle.

My breathing stopped.

" _You have to let me go_ because I certainly have left you." With those parting words, he left and closed the door with a loud thud.

I heard my heart crack in two but I willed myself not to crumble, not in the middle of his goddamn birthday party.

I shakily gathered myself and dashed quickly upstairs. Some of the guests gave me a quick glance, possibly wondering about my bedraggled, sexed-up state but I brushed past them without a backward glance.

Once in the bedroom, I let out a small pained whimper.

_I have to let him go...I have to let him go...but how?_

How do you stop loving someone? How do I stop being so addicted to him?

# Chapter 55

### blake

The next morning, I avoided everyone like the plague. After that blasted sexual showdown last night, I barely slept a wink. Sienna's like a drug. I crave her more even though I know she's bad for me.

I let myself into my study. One glance at my desk was all it took and all the memories came flooding back like the Hounds of Hell.

When I followed her last night, I planned to confront her, to tell her to fucking get it together and leave. But none of that happened—the capricious Sienna emerged again and all hell broke loose. She looked like an evil enchantress when she widened her legs and touched herself. My hardened resolve disappeared instantly. She looked like a perfect, sexual treat ready to be devoured. I was spellbound.

I grunted as I remembered how she was last night. I bloody fucking hate her. She loves to toy with my emotions. Swinging back and forth like a bloody blasted yo-yo with no consideration of the people involved. She _always_ used sex, dangling it like a piece of Heaven. _Yes_ , sex with her felt like that, _and_ then some. It's actually quite cruel really, but she needs to let me go.

This damn circus is over!

I will take immediate action to exterminate her from my thoughts—I want to look at her and _feel nothing_. If I have to marry Camilla to achieve it, then so be it. I'd rather have a well-oiled functioning life than this half-filled, amorous fantasy I have in my head. I have an empire to run and I cannot risk failure. Not even for a beguiling, bewitching, beautiful woman wreaking havoc and causing mayhem in my orderly life...and utterly tearing me to shreds. She needed to be addressed and _I did_. Her wounded face almost stopped me from leaving her, but it had to be done—even if I worshipped the very ground she walked on not so long ago.

I picked up my phone and dialed Camilla. She instantly picked up and sounded a little breathless. "Blake! What a lovely surprise. When I heard the ringing tone I assigned for you, I dashed right out of the shower." She nervously laughed, "And oh, Happy Birthday! I got you a present but you have to come and get it when you get back to England."

I smiled at her breathless tone. Camilla was still very taken with me. "Thank you, Cam. I definitely will. I won't allow you to begrudge me of my present." She laughed huskily.

"Can I ask you something, Cam? You don't have to answer it but I'm quite curious." I raked a hand through my hair and grabbed a nearby pen, fiddling with it restlessly.

"Anything, you can ask me anything."

I cleared my throat as my eyes burned at the spot I took Sienna last night. It was just sex...that's all she wants. With that, I shoved the memories of her to the very back of my mind.

"I was wondering you see. I was wondering if you still loved me?"

"Blake— _I do_. _You know I do_. You're the only man I have ever loved and the only man I have ever given myself to. When I made that promise, seven years ago, when we were barely eighteen—I meant every word." She whispered, " _I love you_. I have loved you all my life and nothing's changed."

I waited a minute or two to gather my thoughts. Her answer did not come as a surprise but it still pleased me that she did, well at least someone does. I might not love her but I respected Cam. I'm positive that I will learn to love her later on during our marriage.

"I know this is unexpected and quite drastic, but I was hoping you would still be interested in continuing our marriage arrangement? You don't have to give me an answer this instant—I need you to dwell on it for a day or two. I will be back in town on Wednesday—you can tell me your answer then."

"As you wish, Wednesday can't come soon enough. I will be waiting for you," she happily murmured. She tried to mask her happiness but failed miserably.

We spoke for another ten minutes before ending the call. Magdalena softly knocked and cheerfully wheeled in a pot of coffee and assorted pastries. "Gracías, Magdalena ¡Que tengas un buen día!" _Have a good day._

The door opened and Chad sauntered in; he never knocks. "Anything I can help you with, mate?" I walked over to the coffee and prepared myself a cup.

"Everyone's planning to go to the beach, want to come with and grace us with your sexy body?" Chad asked.

I laughed. Chad is the only man who can get away with talking to me like that. He grew on me through the months and his audacious personality doesn't bother me.

"My 'sexy body' is on a hiatus my dear friend. Work awaits and simply cannot be ignored. I will join the festivities once you guys get back."

He folded his arms and shrugged. "Whatever you say, boss. You better finish all the work before we get back. We'll give you a few hours _but_ nothing more. It's your birthday weekend and you deserve a little fun in the sun too, Blakey poo." With a quick wave, he closed the door behind him and left me in peace.

The study is the only place where I can find peace and quiet. The rest of the villa is an utter jungle of people ready to have fun and get drunk. I was about to open the terrace door to enjoy my coffee outside when another blasted knock interrupted me. Bloody fuck.

"Come in," I hooted.

The door opened and a nervous looking Sienna strolled in. I was dumbstruck.

She was dressed in a long ethereal, white Grecian dress. She even did her hair like the ones you see in the movies. Chaotic, long wavy curls styled with succession adorned with a thin gold and silver threaded headband. The only thing that stood out was her eyes and soft, glossed lips.

My eyes wandered from head to toe and back again. But her eyes held me in place. Her long lashes were thickly coated with mascara and her eyes rimmed with a gold liner. Those captivating gold/green eyes impaled me—and her sheer beauty made me lose the capacity to think. My cock twitched in response to the stunning goddess before me.

_Motherfanfuckingtastic!_

She switched her footing and fidgeted with her hands. I stood mesmerized and waited for her to speak.

Sienna huffed out a heavy sigh and bit her lip. This ought to be interesting, I thought, noticing how unsure she was.

"I was thinking—if you wanted to collect—the proposition you offered a few weeks back—which I agreed to." She stammered through her words.

Did she just say what I thought she said?

Could it be?

"I beg your pardon?"

"The five-day proposition—I'm offering it to you."

Oh, damn it to hell. Was she serious? "Right. As tempting as that sounds, I'm afraid I have to decline that rather appealing offer. Thank you though. _Is that all you wanted?_ I'm rather busy."

I took a long sip of my coffee and expected her to leave but she didn't. She was still rooted to the spot, looking a bit lost. "You're declining? It was your idea in the first place. _What's changed?_ You weren't declining last night." The lost look turned into accusatory glare.

I waited a beat to speak. I wanted— _needed_ —to savor the look on her face when I told her my good news. "Everything's changed you see. About an hour ago, I offered my hand in marriage to Camilla, if she'll have me again."

_Oh, bloody joy!_ The look of horror hit her full-on.

"But...but...but we had sex last night," she whispered through tears.

Her tears didn't even move me, not anymore. " _Your point is_? It's just sex Sienna. _You were gagging for it_ , so why not? It was right there and you were easy." I smiled wickedly at her, enjoying her tortured face. "A pussy is a pussy. A man can get it anywhere and, _from now on_ —I will surely be fucking and getting fucked by Camilla, my future wife."

She gripped the back of the chair and for some reason, it reminded me of her calamitous visit to my office in South Bank—the one where she confronted me with my engagement, the hellish irony.

The room was deafening, I could hear her erratic breathing as she took in the news. When she looked up, the hurt in her eyes _almost_ — _almost_ made me want to reach out to her. "You can't do that—you mustn't."

"Too late." I shrugged without care.

She was sobbing. " _But I love you_...I've been in love with you."

My eyes misted with anger at her confession. "How bloody fucking convenient! Let's stop the charade; I'm growing rather bored."

" _But I do love you, Blake_ —I lied because I was scared. But I'm tired of being scared. I wanted to start living my life—that's why I came here to speak to you. I wanted to give us another try—and for me to do that, I had to forgive you and _I_ _did..._ and I have forgiven you."

" _Do you know how I longed to hear you utter those three words?_ I used to dream about it—I wanted it so bad—I wanted _you_ so bad, it hurt. But you fucking didn't give a hoot about any of that. Sex was _all_ you wanted from me. You admitted it as such—there's no need to lie anymore. It's over."

Nodding as she wiped a tear. "I guess it really is," she sniffed. "I really am very sorry, Blake. For all the intentional and the unintentional pain I caused you. I did it all because I love you. _This love_ —with you was different from what I had with Kyle. It was exquisitely intense; it overpowered all of my senses— _and it terrified me_. I protected myself by shutting you out. But you dissolved that layer of protection and I was left vulnerable. That made me defensive. But it's all silly now, isn't it?" She gave a small laugh.

"For what it's worth, I just want you to be happy and if marrying her will make you happy—then I wholeheartedly give my blessing."

She was about to leave but halted. "I'm going to pack my things and leave. Can you tell them that there was an emergency with Kyle and that he needed me there? I can't face any of them right now. Um, I guess—I'll be seeing you."

Giving me a brave genuine smile, she tore me apart. "Goodbye, Blake."

I stared at the shutting door, utterly flabbergasted.

She said she loved me— _for the very first time_ and now she's leaving.

She was lying, of course she was, because she never did love me. If she did, she wouldn't have waited until the very last minute. _But this is Sienna—_ her roughened childhood made her defensive and it was the only way she knew how to protect herself. Could she _possibly_ be telling me the truth?

Do I want to spend the rest of my life trying to figure out if she meant it or not? _Hell the fuck no!_

I sprinted through the main floor, through the stairs and towards her bedroom door. I didn't even bother to knock before I let myself inside.

Her luggage was on the bed and she was putting her neatly folded clothes inside. She kept wiping her tears away and sniffing softly.

Her back stiffened when I spoke. " _I will give you a month_ —a month to show and prove to me that you meant what you said downstairs. I will hold off any talks of my engagement for that allotted time. I'm not guaranteeing you anything. I don't know if I _would_ want you in my life after the month is over. It is purely up to you, if you want to do this or not."

"A month?" She asked, turning around.

"Only a month."

She pressed her lips together and wiped another tear. "Okay, I'll take it."

I felt relieved for some reason. "All right then, I guess you can unpack and rest a bit while I work for awhile. You can keep this room but I expect you to share my bed every night." She nodded and bit her bottom lip.

"Blake?"

"Yes?"

She looked so gorgeous. Even crying buckets and sniffling 'til kingdom come–she _always_ takes my breath away. "Would it be too much if I asked you to kiss me?"

She melted a fraction of my cold heart. "No, not at all, as long as you promise to stop crying. I don't like seeing you cry." I went to her and gently wiped her tears away.

When our lips touched, she sighed delightfully. I meant to kiss her for a minute or two—but it was hard to pull away once it started to get heated and ardent with passionate need.

I stopped when I tasted tears and pulled away with worry. "What's wrong?" I studied her face, but she smiled through her tears.

"I'm just happy—thank you for giving me this chance." I nodded and left the room with troubled thoughts.

_A month_ , Knightly...one _long,_ arduous month. Surely you can manage not to fall back in the throes of love _with_ her by your side?

Heaven help me if I do.

# Chapter 56

### Sienna

The rest of the day passed quickly. Luce was leaving tomorrow, so Chad and I tried to spend as much time with her as we could. She tried to avoid Toby as much as possible. The poor bloke was so heartbroken that anyone could easily see it every time he gazed at her.

We were having dinner on the shore below Blake's villa. There was a huge table that accommodated all of us and the beach was alight with torches and a few bonfires. There was even an Arabian tent with colorful silks and beaded pillows trenched with thick wooden poles. I suppose this is common around the area. The Moor influence was quite strong. The tent reminded me of that time when Blake took me to a spa and told me for the first time how much he wanted me. _It was so long ago_ , I thought sadly.

He's been strategically avoiding me since he emerged from his study. He wasn't blatant about it and he did it so subtlety that not even Chad or Luce noticed. But _I did_. I noticed it and I pretended that it didn't hurt me one bit.

_Did he change his mind?_ I started to think that he did. I suppose the whole thing was too good to be true. When he told me that he was planning to marry Camilla again, the severe pain in my heart felt that it was physically breaking–I have never felt such pain before. I wanted one month to validate how much I love him.

The moon was high in the night sky and it was a bit chilly out but tolerable as we consumed alcohol. The private beach felt safe and secure with the limited number of people that were allowed in the area.

Studying the moonlit path, I started to walk leisurely on the soft sand, loving the feel of the soft waves as it pulled in and out of the sea against my toes. I held the edges of my white dress so it wouldn't get soaked with water.

I sighed _. It is so beautiful here..._

"Do you mind if I join you?" Clive asked, matching my slow pace.

"Sure, why not?" I didn't even notice him following me out here. Since Friday, we hadn't talked much. He was pleasant though—a _bit_ arrogant—but endurable.

We strolled along the shore for awhile without speaking. It was a comfortable silence. "I gather that you're Blake's? But apparently not his girlfriend?" Clive's smooth tone was very firm, but curious.

Huh. "Well, I'm an ex, I suppose."

"You're an ex? But he still wants you, I take it? I've noticed his eyes set on fire when he looks at you." _Blake has been looking at me?_

I stopped walking and looked back. The fire that came from the beach party looked like a puny dot from where I was standing. I glanced back at Clive. He looked confident and handsome. The moonlight highlighted his striking face. Blake and Clive had really won the lottery for the best DNA.

"What's with the twenty questions?" I quirked up a brow. He laughed huskily and shrugged.

"To be quite honest— _when I first saw you_ —I was curious but later found out that you were Blake's. I just wanted to know why you two aren't together when his eyes tell me that he wants to be."

Dish or not to dish? He will eventually hear it from someone. What's the point of hiding things anyway? It gets exhausting and he seems to be decent. Well, apart from his womanizing lifestyle, there seemed to be a good man inside.

I sighed and consented. "We broke up because I found out about the thing with the Clayworth's. We didn't speak for about two months—then we sort of got together. After a couple days, that fell apart because I slept with my childhood best friend, Kyle—an ex as well. From then on, it went downhill. Today, he told me that he planned to rectify his marriage of convenience with Camilla. I then confessed that I loved him, which he profusely didn't believe—then he offered me a month to prove it to him."

"That's a copious amount of information. Knowing my cousin, he doesn't condone sharing his girlfriends. But if it's just a shag—then that's a different matter. You're direct and forward. I find that rejuvenating—especially amongst these deluded façades of perfection our lot revolves in." I looked at him in shock and then guffawed.

What an amusing man. He doesn't take himself too seriously. "Deluded façade of perfection? _Seriously,_ coming from a man who only goes for the crème de la crème of women?" I wiggled a finger at him. "You can't fool me—you're quite the famous libertine around town."

We carried on walking and he belted out a roaring laugh. " _Precisely_ , I am part of that lot. In my defense, the lassies tend not to adhere to the word 'no.' An indecent, cheeky man such as myself, tends not to hold out for very long. Truth be told, being naughty is _certainly_ more diverting and gratifying than a monotonous, repetitive lifestyle like some pompous, snobbish, privileged folks. Alas, soon that will change when father gives me more responsibility. Then life as I know it will forever be a distant memory."

"That must suck but I suppose that comes with your birthright. You and Blake are very lucky. You two have the world at the tips of your fingers."

"Most people would say that—I must admit there are certain advantages to it. I suppose I could be thankful that my life isn't like Blake's. My father's company is enormous but Blake's responsibility— _whew_ —I'd gladly take mine any time." Clive really did look relieved, huh.

"He looks like he's handling it well."

"Precisely, he is Blake Knightly. Do you know when he was eighteen, he was already acknowledged as a business whizz? That's why it made sense for him to pair up with Camilla. I was extremely shocked when I heard the news of the severed agreement—and _even_ more so when I found out he did it due to another woman. I didn't quite understand it— _but now that I've met you_ —I do. _Tell me_ , what happens if the month ends and he still doesn't believe your love for him is real?"

_Good question there, buddy. I guess he moves on and gets married and then I will be back to my college life_. "He would resume his life as it was before I entered the picture."

He nodded and placed his hands in his pockets. "It would be sad, wouldn't it? To love someone and not have it work out?"

I took a quick peek at him and he seemed to be deep in thought. "Yes, it definitely does. Are you speaking from experience, Clive?"

His face split in two, looking at me like I had lost it. "Good God no, that would be a bloody disaster. _I thought_ —of all the satyr's–I never did think Blake had it in him to fall in love—but _if_ **** he did—it could only be done by such a compelling woman. That proves a lot about you, Sienna."

"Um...thanks?" I smiled at the handsome, charming man. "We should get back. I don't want them to worry. My friends tend to go overboard sometimes with worrying. I don't want to be the person in the hot seat tonight."

"Of course."

The stroll back was quite nice; Clive was refreshingly funny. When we got there, Madeline looked at us scornfully. _Ick_ , the woman has a serious thing for Clive, but he doesn't want to entertain it from what I've seen.

Clive Barrington did arrive with his own party crowd of twenty people or so a few days ago. It included this weird Madeline woman. I shrugged and left them to party.

I entered the Arabian-themed tent and lounged next to Lucy. She was texting on her phone and looked up in surprise when she saw me. "What have you been up to all on your own? Where's Chad?" I inquired.

"Chad is somewhere around the perimeters with Luke. I think those two are bonking. _I'm ecstatic!_ Lover needed to let off some heavy steam. And from what I witnessed at the beach earlier, I guarantee that the dishy Luke has the knob for it."

I choked on my water and smacked her arm, gasping for air. " _Lucy!_ You have such a dirty mind!" We shrieked in boisterous laughter.

"Hey! I feel left out! What are you two beautiful babies laughing about, hmmm?" Chad sauntered over and sat on the rug, leaning on large a striking-colored, beaded cushion.

I cleared my throat and wiped away the tears from my eyes. "Chad, are you _bonking_ Luke Scott?" I mimicked Lucy.

"What if I am? _He's quite delish!_ I don't need permission to have sex as well _do I?_ I'm on vacation after all—whatevers, baby love!"

"Chad! We're happy for you!" Luce and I echoed together.

"Really??? O.M.G.! _You guys_ —I just want to thank you for everything...I mean without you guys, I would've probably given up. _Now_ with Luke, things are getting so awesome! I mean— _I think I'm in lurve!_ " He fanned his face furiously and gushed like a teenager.

Luce and I sat next to him on the cushions and joined in the rowdy merriment.

Luce cleared her throat and hooked a strand of hair over her ear. She looked tense all of a sudden, "Since we're all here sharing, I wanted to share something with my best girlfriends."

Chad gently tapped her arm. "Woman! Come on! I'm waiting, so dish!"

"This might be unseemly, but I have to ask. Sienna, would it be alright if I go out with Troy?"

_Hold up, did she say Troy? Troy the model?_

I tensed, "Troy... _Troy Scott_?" My eyes popped out of their sockets, " _Troy_ from Friday night Troy?" _Say Troy one more time and you're going to get socked, Sienna._

I was a little stunned, Okay— _majorly stunned_. Oh my God, what will become of Toby?

"Eh—yes, that's the one. You were all there last Friday night. He was crushed to learn that you didn't see him that way. I want to cheer him up and need a bit of a diversion myself. So—before I proceed—I wanted to get your permission..." She bit her lip and looked from Chad then to me, then back again to Chad.

Last weekend, we met up with Troy in Malaga. When he hinted that he wanted to date me, I nicely shut his advances down.

Seeing Chad's mouth still hanging ajar, I grabbed his chin and closed his mouth. "Luce— _of course you have it!_ Thank you for letting me know...but _what about Toby?_ Don't you love him? I thought you loved him. I don't get it. I'm so speechless right now. _Fuck!_ He's going to go ballistic!"

All these images were running through my mind like a stampede. _Poor Toby_ , I don't think he will be able to handle it.

"What the fuck, Lucy! This is so fucking, fucked up!" Chad held his palm inches away from Lucy's face. "Listen— _this isn't_ about Troy. Great! I'm happy about you and Troy. I mean, a fine piece of ass needs to land himself a hot lover and you are that Luce. But what pisses me off is about Toby; I love that man. Both he and Blake had been a constant pillar of strength for me. _You're his life Luce_ —you can't do this! You're going to ruin him and I'm not going to stand back and watch this catastrophe happen."

_Holy, shit_! Fierce Chad is coming out. He does have a point; Toby will be crushed and will probably never recover.

"I understand, Chad—I do. _I love him too_ —but what if this thing with his family's a sign that it wasn't meant to be? I don't want to waste my youth waiting and wondering if I made a mistake or not. We win and lose in love. I just have to handle it like a mature adult and continue on."

I opened my mouth and closed it again. Chad whimpered agonizingly next to me.

_Wow, she's total hardcore_. I needed some of her Zen, _pronto_.

"I will support you—if it makes you happy—" I was speaking when Chad interrupted. I glared at him for cutting me off.

"I will too, JUST AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THIS A SECRET from Toby—for a little awhile at least. _Comprende_ , chica?"

Lucy nodded sadly. She understood how delicate this was and she also knew we needed to protect Toby from getting hurt.

"Oookay—since we really are discussing dirty secrets, I have one of my own," I added.

Chad dramatically tapped his forehead. "You're pregnant?" I shook my head. "You're banging that hot blondie, Clive? OMG! _Hottest fucking cousins EVER!_ You're the luckiest bitch in the world, although you should watch your back with Madeline—she's a little on the obsessive side."

"Definitely, negative! _Hello?_ Will you let me finish here without interrupting?" I waved him off while he giggled like a ninny, daydreaming of "the hottest fucking cousins ever." _Aren't they ever?_ I blushed. Clive is hot—I mean, I love my tall dark and handsome men ( _insert_ Blake and Kyle) but Clive was the first blue-eyed blonde I have ever been attracted to. BUT... I would choose Blake without hesitation, every time.

" _Dear me_ —those two are undoubtedly, devilishly handsome cousins," Luce murmured.

Chad fanned himself and looked at Lucy, winded from his dirty thoughts. "You take hottie Clive and I'll take the godlike Blake! I'd give my life to take a peek inside his pants. Sienna—is he really that great in bed? I've been curious—"

"Bloody hell—you have got to spill! The monkey sex you two shared had me so horny, it was unreal. _How big is he?_ " Luce chimed in.

Right on people. Was my sex life that interesting? Or simply because it was with Blake Knightly?

"OMG, OMG! I'm dying here! Blake is such a yummy, yummy screw!" Chad panted. I thought he was in _lurve_?

I snorted. "Get it together Chad! Okay—well, he's huge—maybe around nine inches in length and thick all around."

Chad gulped half of the water bottle. "WOW, HOT DAMN! Gimme some of those munchies!"

"No bloody way! The man was made with perfect, flawless precision. _How does he shag?_ I want details—since my sex life is kaput!" Luce and Chad both looked at me like I had the key to Pandora's Box.

"He's rough—but he hits the right spot whether it's rough or not. He fucks like he wants to rob me of my integrity. He commands—he's quite animalistic when he gets really turned on. I actually nicknamed him Trojan horse because he does have the stamina of a horse—and the beauty of one."

"Dreamy! He's a friend— _but gosh_ —I can't help seeing him in a different light. He's just so...dreamy!" Luce sighed.

"You are so in love with him—you are, aren't you?" Chad waited a beat.

" _I am_ —without a doubt. I love him so much it hurts. I made the mistake of sleeping with Kyle. I don't know what the heck I was thinking."

I played with the hem of my dress, "He gave me an ultimatum—I actually have a month to show him that I do love him—and mean it. I just hope that it'll work. I don't want to lose him. We've come this far—it would be such a waste if he doesn't love me back."

Chad threw an arm around me and kissed my head. "He will. Don't worry—now that you're fighting for him, he doesn't stand a chance. The man is nuts about you, baby love. _Trust me_ —he will believe you. As long as there is no more hanky-panky with Kyle, got it?"

"Chad! I will not make the same mistake with Kyle. Kyle and I have only been texting—can't read his mind at the moment. This shit sucks—one way or the other, I'm going to hurt someone."

He sighed and winked at Lucy, "To quote what Luce said earlier, 'We win and lose in love. We just have to handle it like mature adults and go forth.'"

It was past midnight when everyone decided to call it a night.

I knew I would be sharing Blake's bed tonight so my panicked state was quite normal I suppose.

I showered which took a good thirty minutes because I had to make sure I was extremely clean. I shared a bed with him before—but not here, that's why I'm freaked out and flustered. I've never been inside his room but I knew it was in the east wing overlooking the sea.

I sat on my bed in my pale pink, silk shorts and camisole, contemplating what to do. He didn't speak directly to me tonight. After he visited me in my bedroom earlier and threw that ultimatum in my face, I thought he'd be a bit warmer towards me—but he still went on like a stoic knight without noticing me.

Do I just go in there and go straight to bed? Or do I look for him and ask permission? _Or,_ I could just stay in here and not bother with either option. He looked like he didn't care what I did anyways?

I pondered for another ten minutes and gave up when the clock hit one-thirty in the morning.

I was exhausted and decided to sleep in my bedroom. I was a second away from dreamland when my bedroom door opened and banged against the wall. A furious looking Blake barged in my room wearing only his silk pull-string pants—with that glorious fucking chest on display. _What the fuck?_

"Blake, what the—" I gasped when he gathered me from bed and threw half of my body over his shoulder, with my ass hanging out—caveman style. He used his foot to close my door and marched towards the opposite side of house, to his bedroom. Once inside, he hurled me on his bed and my body bounced a few times before I landed still in bewildered shock.

Oh. Hell. No.

I stood on his bed, looking like a spit-fire full of anger. " _Have you fucking lost it Blake?!_ You can't just barge in my room like a raging maniac while I'm sleeping! You scared the shit out of me!"

"It wouldn't have happened this way if you stuck to what you promised! _You like goading me mental, don't you?!_ "

He strolled up to the bed and swiftly pulled my body down to him. He was hovering over me looking like a savage beast—a very _hungry_ beast. His hand closed over the small, thin strapped-lace and the bodice connected to it on my flimsy camisole and then he wrenched it apart with a growl.

_Oh my_.

# Chapter 57

### Blake

My hand closed over the small, thin strapped-lace and the bodice connected to Sienna's sexy, flimsy camisole and wrenched it apart with a growl. Her gorgeous breasts jutted out and my mouth salivated at those perfect, dusty pink-tipped mounds.

I was already on edge from seeing her with Clive earlier. I saw how my cousin looked at her. I felt a sliver of suspicion that she had something going on with him—they did look cozy and familiar when they got back from that long bloody stroll. My cousin's a notorious womanizer and this wouldn't be the first time he went after a woman I've shagged before.

When she didn't show up in my bedroom, the suspicion went into red-hot, rabid jealousy. I was almost convinced she was in Clive's bedroom, indulging him with all the luscious delights of her body. But when I found her sleeping in her bed, I couldn't control myself. I went into a full bodied Neanderthal.

I was uncontrollable, primitive and drugged with a maddening desire to have her, to possess her as my mine...and mine alone.

My hands pulled her shorts down in a heartbeat. I parted her legs, whisked a finger on her pussy and found it drenched. Sienna looked unbidden and ready to be ravished.

My eyes misted with an obsessive need to be joined with her.

I hurriedly tugged the strings on my pants and rammed my throbbing cock inside her saturated pussy. An animalistic sound came from my throat when her slickened walls wrapped around my cock beautifully, perfectly.

Without withdrawing from her, I pulled her legs and anchored her heels over my shoulders. The position allowed me to fully access her. I started to rock my hips, sliding in and out of her. Each time the tip of my shaft hit her cervix, she groaned.

Her eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted. She kept biting her bottom lip, trying to hold her moans down. But I wanted to see her unhinged and frenzied.

I pulled out of her and flipped her on all fours. The sight of her toned sexy arse seriously took my breath away. "You're so fucking sexy, Sienna," I whispered against her supple ass cheek and bit it. She yelped and grunted. I smirked knowing how crazy she could get. I wanted that part of her to come out and play tonight.

Nudging her arse a little forward, I licked her cleft and darted my tongue inside her folds in circular motions. She was moaning my name. _I exalt in her moans, especially when it's my name she moans_. My hot tongue snaked its way on the bridge of her vagina to her behind, toying with her anal entrance as I slid a finger inside her pussy. In less than a minute, she was screaming my name. _Even better...I love her like this_ , I thought carnally. I spanked her ass cheeks hard and she went berserk. "You want more, Sienna?" I spoke against her anal entrance.

"Mmmm...yes...I want..." She gasped for air and grunted again as I went back to finger fucking her, snaking my tongue up and down her clit, all the way back to her ass. " _Ah_ , ahhhh—damn it, Blake! Fuck—"

I pulled my finger out and started kissing her ass and trailed it all the way up. When I reached her neck, I moved her hair and kissed her neck.

"Beg for it," I ordered.

She shook her head. "No."

I laughed at her adamant refusal. "Playing hard to get tonight, my sweet?"

"You don't deserve me begging for sex after what you did tonight, Blake."

I positioned my cock over her dripping cunt and grinded it lasciviously. Sienna started to gasp for air, panting like a woman in heat. I murmured against her ear, "It's so close—are you _sure_ you don't want to beg?"

She shook her head in response.

I cupped her soft breast, kneaded it and bit into the spot where her shoulder and neck meet. She moaned loudly and I felt a spurt of wetness on my cock. "Please—"

"Please _what,_ Sienna?"

"I'm begging. I'm begging for you to take me like a feral animal—for you to dominate me, mark me and feast on my body."

With a quick thrust, my cock jammed inside her. "Bloody fuck! You're so fucking perfect!"

I stabbed my thumb inside her anus and she became wild with need. My shameless, wanton woman was screaming and panting loudly with each thrust of my rock-hard cock.

I gathered her long hair and tugged on it as I fucked her cunt like it was my only salvation. To a certain extent, it was—I needed to possess her mind, her body, her heart.

"Tell me you love me!"

Her hands were gripping the sheets and she moaned. The force of my cock driving inside her was hard and punishing. Her dripping cunt loved each thrust. "I love you!" She whispered in panting breaths.

"Louder!" I bellowed in her delicate ear.

"God! Seriously! I fucking love you, Blake. _I love you_. **I LOVE YOU!** " She shrieked.

My heart swelled each time she told me. I couldn't get enough of it. "Bout bloody time you do!"

Twisting her hair, I pulled harder and hammered her tight, wet pussy a few more times and we came apart together. I pumped my twitching cock a few times as I unloaded my semen inside her. The man in me rejoiced every single time I came inside her womb. The only woman I have ever had without a condom on and she's worth it.

I collapsed on her back and rolled us onto our sides. She pulled off of me and turned around, only inches away from my face. She lowered her lips and kissed me ever so gently. "I love you," she murmured as she looked into my eyes. Without voicing my answer, I kissed her back.

I couldn't expose myself to her when I didn't deem her worthy. She has a long way to go because things between us aren't that simple anymore.

The trust is gone. My faith in her has completely vanished.

Given all those essential and relevant facts, a wise man would've walked away and thanked his bloody stars for giving him some sense. But not me. The need to have her in my bed and in my life again—even if for only a short span of time—was enough enticement for me to become foolish and illogical.

The main objective is to leave unscathed after a month with her.

She sighed and tucked herself next to me. I waited and made sure she was fast asleep before I unlatched my arm from around her waist.

I rolled over to my side of the bed and as far away from her as the bed allowed.

# Chapter 58

### Sienna

_M y small body was thrown in the dark, murky ocean. Once I resurfaced, my lungs were heaving, gulping for air. My shaky hands were trying help me stay afloat but something tugged my foot and forcefully yanked me down into the depths of the dark ocean._

_The ocean was so dark, I couldn't see a thing. I tried to fight but my small body could only do so much. The grip on my foot was so strong, it was hard to fight against it. So, I just let it pull me down. Down to the dark depths of the ocean until there was no fight in me left._

_Papa...can you hear me? I'm about to join you and mama soon..._

My body jerked me awake. I looked around confused and then the realization of where I was hit me; I was in Blake's room. When I looked beside me, he was on his side and far from me. I couldn't even reach out and touch him. How odd. This was a first; he always slept holding me.

I shivered and when I checked the time, it was past four in the morning. I got out of bed and looked for something to wear. Since my camisole was ripped, I had to borrow his shirt and silently left his room and went to mine.

Once I found my Mickey Mouse shirt and a pair of comfortable sleep shorts, I padded my way to the kitchen with the soft light on. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured myself some orange juice.

I sat on the barstool and contemplated calling Kyle. My dreams are back and the only person who used to comfort me possibly hates my guts. It doesn't matter; I needed to hear his voice.

After a few rings, he picked up. "Hello?" a woman's sleepy voice answered. I tensed. I certainly didn't expect that. "Hello?" she asked again.

"Hi—could I possibly speak with Kyle?"

There was some rustling and a few murmurs; then Kyle came on the phone. "Hello?" He sounded annoyed.

"Kyle? It's Sienna."

"What's wrong? Did something bad happen?" He sounded panicked.

"No—everything's okay. I didn't mean to wake you and your friend. I'm sorry. I'll call some other time." I ended the call before he had a chance to respond.

What is wrong with me? _Why do I feel hurt?_ Kyle deserves to be happy. But I'm selfish and I felt simply devastated. I suppose that part between Kyle and me is kaput. I should be happy, but the feeling of loss was much greater. Now, the man I _chose_ couldn't be bothered sleeping close to me. This was probably a case of feeling abandoned.

I felt a movement behind me and I jerked around. "Sorry to startle you, but are you alright?" Clive asked, wearing only jeans and his chiseled chest. _Damn, that's hot_. My tear ducts stopped threatening tears at the sight of him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked suspiciously.

"I heard some commotion; that's why I came downstairs to check. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but the house is rather quiet so it was easy to hear you."

_Hell, the entire conversation?_ "Oh."

"Yeah—I gather your ex Kyle was with another woman then?" Clive strolled to the other side, pulled a chair up and sat across from me.

"Yup." I stared at the granite counter-top replaying the voice of the woman in my head.

My phone started ringing and Kyle's name flashed on the screen. I tensed again. "Go on—take the call." Clive pressed.

"Hello?"

_"Baby, are you okay?"_

"Kyle, you're going to get yourself in trouble—go back to her."

"Nah. It's not like that—I already got her a cab and she just left."

"Oh. I see." I signaled Clive that I was going to step outside a moment and speak to Kyle privately.

I turned towards the terrace doors and quietly went outside. I walked over to the balustrade and studied the dark glittering sea before me. I shuddered, remembering my dream.

"My dreams are back."

"Your nightmares? The ones you'd scream from most nights? Like the ones where you're being chased by a coffin or being murdered?" _Sigh_ , the man knows everything about it.

"Not _those_ ones—but my dreams from early childhood. The closet dream and the one when I drowned in the ocean are both back."

" _Fuck_ , Si—I'm sorry. Are you all alone? Where's Blake or Chad?" He sounded stressed out. My eyes started to tear again. He'll always care for me and I love him for it.

"They're asleep—it's almost five in the morning here."

"Is there anything that I can do? Do you want to stay on the phone with me? I wouldn't mind—I love hearing your voice anyway."

"I would like that very much—you can hang-up the second you hear me snoring. _Thank you_ —this is the sweetest thing you've ever done for me."

"I'm always here for you, Si. You know that." His assurance gave me comfort—just a wee bit. How I wished it was Blake, but that's wishful thinking.

"I'm going back in the house, give me a sec."

I went inside the villa and went upstairs. I didn't see Clive anywhere. I guess he went back to his room. I stealthily walked towards my bedroom and slipped my body under the sheets.

"So, who was that woman—" I stopped mid-sentence when I heard someone outside my door. " _Shit_ —I have to go. I'll call you later. I promise and thank you for being here." I whispered and cut the call short. Blake was hovering above me, ready to pounce.

" _Who_ was that on the phone?" Blake's accusing voice pierced through me.

I sighed and counted from one to ten. I closed my eyes and prayed for him to march right out of my bedroom and go back to where he came from. I couldn't deal with him at that moment. It was too much to handle while my mind was still going through the after effects of my scary dream.

My phone was yanked away from my clasp and he tried to unlock it. Without luck, he asked again in an angered tone. "You were speaking to Kyle, weren't you?"

I sighed again. _Damn_ , my prayers are going unanswered. "Yes, I was."

" _Why would you do that?_ Why would you sneak out of my bedroom and call him at this ungodly hour?" He sounded livid.

"Because—because my nightmares are back and he's the only person who used to calm me down." My voice sounded like a small child. Like the small child who drowned in my dreams. It's scary how during each dream I always call out "papa". What does that mean?

" _What nightmares?_ You never have nightmares!"

"I used to get them almost on a daily basis after my dad died and when I moved in with my Aunt. It started to subside a year before I left for London, but I've been having them again. It started when I got that call from L.A. last Saturday. It's been happening since then."

He cursed and raked a hand through his hair. He slid next to me and cradled my head on his chest. "I'm such a bastard. I'm sorry—I had no clue. These nightmares...what are they usually about?"

"I'll tell you someday...but not tonight."

"As you wish, do you want me to sleep here with you?" He whispered against my ear and spooned my body against his.

I nodded and sighed contently.

He kissed my neck and nuzzled it. "I'm here for you too, poppet. You have to learn to start leaning on me too."

My body tensed. "How can I possibly do that? It's obvious you hate me. And when I woke up totally freaked out, you were so far away from me. You've never done that. You always held me close when we slept together. Tonight was just a huge wake-up call. Maybe the damage is irreparable...maybe I just have to accept that it's over between us."

Luce is even managing to paddle forward. Why can't I?

I tried to move away but his hand was a steel band holding me against his body. "You promised me, Sienna. You said you'd try." He sounded sad all of a sudden.

"I know—but it won't work. We both know it. You hate me and yet you can't get enough of sex with me. I don't think I want this kind of relationship with you. I wanted what you and I had before—before things got so messed up and complicated."

"You're right; I do hate you, Sienna. But at the same time, I do love you. It's rather maddening. It doesn't matter if I hate you or love you, but all I know is I want to have you in my life and in my bed."

"Great. What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that I still do love you but I don't trust you. It means that I can't get enough of you. I go crazy when you're not with me."

I turned around and looked at him. "But what do I do? If you don't trust me then—there's no future for us." The realization hit me hard.

"No—we could still have a future. I just need to trust you again."

"This happened when I slept with Kyle, right?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Isn't that a little too extreme when what you did was a hundred times worse than what I did? That was the only time I slept with him. Couldn't you find it in you to forgive me?"

"I don't know how to do that or where to even begin. Ever since that night in your apartment, I haven't touched another woman except you. Because I knew that nothing will ever compare to you again. But you left and fucked him a day after I had you. Do you know how I felt then? I wanted to kill you."

"It was just so chaotic. My thoughts were so jumbled with you and Camilla and the dinner. When Kyle showed up—I took the easy way out. That night, he couldn't take his hands off me but he retreated. And the next day, it became nostalgic and familiar—it just happened."

He grunted and held me tighter. "I don't want to hear any more sordid details. That's enough."

"So, what do we do now? The only solution I can think of is to walk away from each other and leave it at that."

"Do you love Kyle?"

"I do. I love him—but I love you more...I'm in love with you, Blake."

"That should be enough reason for you to stay then?"

I shook my head. "No, it isn't." I want it all and it seems like he isn't capable of it. Well, not anymore.

" _Then we'll compromise_ —stay with me and we'll work this out together. It might be a slow process but I promise to try building my trust in you again."

Hope flourished...

I smiled. "You promise?"

He kissed me. "Yes, I promise." Cupping my cheek, he stared into my eyes. "I love you, Sienna... _so much_." His voice was so thick with emotion, I came undone.

My heart soared. _God, finally!_ Progress.

"I love you, Blake," I said, taking his lips and kissing him until I almost died with happiness.

We made love twice, until we were too exhausted to move. When it was time for him to get up for work, he left my bed and went back to his room to shower and change.

He stopped by before leaving, gently waking me up. "I have to go to work for a few hours. There's a meeting that I can't reschedule, unfortunately." He kissed my neck and I moaned. I loved what he was doing to me, loved how much he had changed since our little talk.

"You don't have time for a quickie?"

Blake grumbled. " _Bloody hell_...how I want to take you right now and bury myself deep within you but I can't; I'm running late. I have to go back to London later this afternoon. Do you want to join me, cara?"

" _Hell yes!_ You're not about to escape me, Knightly."

He slapped my ass and kissed me senseless. "Good, I don't plan to escape your begrudging hold. I will be back around two then. We'll head out together to the airport?"

"Ahhmmmm." I was distracted by him and how hot he looked.

I wanted to devour him whole. God, he looked so sexy in his black Armani suit. My eyes landed on his crotch and I unknowingly licked my lips.

He groaned and muttered. "Woman, you are shameless."

"Can we just—for a bit— _just..._ " he groaned again and took my lips. My hands went directly to his pants and unzipped them. He took his suit off and I pushed his underwear off. Once his cock sprung free, he instantly shoved it inside me. We both moaned in unison. He started off slow, wanting to savor each stroke but I didn't want him to be late.

"Blake! Hurry...quick...meeting...or you'll be late!" I said in between kisses.

He grabbed my hips and fucked me hard. PERFECT!

He screamed my name as we came together; his body tensed. I felt his cock pulsate thickly, squirting his seed inside me.

I shoved him off me, "GO! Or you'll be late!" I spanked his nice sculpted ass.

He barked out loud. "Brilliant! I feel so used now!" He got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself up.

I was still lying on the bed, quite content and happily sated when he came out. He bent over and gave me a long, sweet kiss. "I love you."

"I love _you,_ Blake." With another kiss, I marched him out the door.

His amused look made my day.

I sighed happily, went to grab my robe and wrapped it around my satiated body. _I'm in love_...my dreams can't even chase that away.

Once in the kitchen, I brewed coffee and made a cheese omelet. "Buenas diaz, Magda." I smiled at Blake's housekeeper.

"Buenas diaz, _my ass!_ Come here _you_!" Chad ran towards me, picked me up and squeezed me until I ran out of air.

" _Uh_ , good morning to you too?"

"Oh, shut up! When I saw Blake on his way out, he gave me a jolly high-five. So, I was like 'huh?' Now, I see you have the same look. Sooooo, I'm guessing you two made up and are going to be bumping uglies forever and ever?"

"We did make up—we're back together again. Although, we have a lot to work out still—but the best part is, we're doing it together! Gosh, Chad—I'm so happy!" I placed the omelet in between us, handed him a fork and we shared it.

"You deserve it, chica! You so do. Anyhow, Luce left two hours ago. Can you believe what she said last night? I didn't sleep well because of that." He grabbed my coffee and took a long sip.

"I mean—if that's what she wants..."

" _I know_ , I guess some things just don't last, huh? Life is shitty like that."

"True—but when it gives you butterflies, it makes it all worthwhile. And you are getting oodles of butterflies from Luke."

"I definitely am, baby love! So, what's the plan today? It seems everyone has vanished overnight!"

"Blake's picking me up later at two. He's taking me back to London town."

His eyes bulged out. " _Hello?_ I want to go too. Luke left on the first plane out back to London."

What about his therapy? I don't even know if going back would be safe. It's just too early for that.

"You have to ask Blake about it," I replied. "He's in charge of this situation. I mean—you two had this deal thing. I'm not coming in between that. You two sort it out."

Chad seriously looked deflated. He sighed loudly and finished my entire coffee.

"Dude—you finished my entire coffee! You better make me a new one!"

"Bummer," he muttered as he sauntered over to the coffee pot.

It was one thirty when I got out of the shower. I was already packed and ready to go at eleven. Chad and I danced for a solid hour and a half. The whole session revived my body.

I'm still a little worried about what's going on between Blake and I at this moment. And for some reason, I feel like I should bring it up again. Things happened quickly last night and we didn't really underscore the important facts. With my robe on, I walked out of the bathroom towards the bedroom to get my phone with a small towel to dry out my wet hair.

I called Dr. Murray and informed her about my recent change of plans and cancelled today's session. I made an arrangement to conduct the sessions over the phone. She booked Tuesday and Thursday afternoons for me. I somehow feel comforted by this, knowing that I have someone to talk to without malice or who doesn't judge me.

My phone beeped with a text message as I entered the bathroom to do my make-up. It was from Kyle.

**Kyle:**

**Hey! Just checking if you're okay? I know how freaked out you were last night. I'm here whenever you need me. I miss you badly.**

I missed him too, but I don't know how Blake would react if I continue being close to him. Okay—he'd be furious if he'd found out. _But how do I ditch my best friend that I've known for over a decade?_ That's just not possible. I decided to text him back.

**Me:**

**I'm good! I'm actually going to be back tonight with Blake and hopefully with Chad as well. I miss you too. What's up?**

"Baby love! I'll be joining you guys. Blake just got here and he said yes. I have to pack quickly or he might change his mind or something, ta-ta!" Chad shrieked for a minute then left in a flash. _That man is something else entirely. I can't believe he almost killed himself over a month ago. Thank God he didn't succeed_ , I thought with a pang of guilt.

It doesn't matter how many times Dr. Murray said that it wasn't my fault, I still feel like I could've done something, anything to prevent it. But I guess we all have our own crosses to bear and this one is mine.

I applied my usual make-up, with tons of mascara, tinted moisturizer and just a swipe of peach gloss. I was dabbing my lips when I saw Blake staring at me in the mirror smiling lazily. My heart accelerated at the sight of him. I guess I have to get used to seeing him smile at me again? I admit that I get the hang of his usual brooding mood when he's around me.

He hugged me from behind and enveloped me with his large frame. "You've been plaguing my mind since I left the bed this morning. I didn't pay much attention in the damned meeting because all I can think about is you," his husky voice murmured in my ear. My body shivered involuntarily.

With a swift kick of his foot, he closed the door. "Aren't we going to be late? We have to leave _soon?_ " My giggles were high pitched because he was doing a great job of driving me crazy, nibbling and biting my earlobe.

"The jet leaves when I say we leave. One of the perks of being the boss."

I closed my eyes as he untied my robe and touched my naked body. "God Blake—" I moaned when his hand started to part my folds. I opened my legs a little wider to give him access. His other hand was teasing my nipple while his lips were still around my ear and neck area, sucking and biting. My hand reached up and touched his head.

"Open your eyes. Watch me touch you. Watch us make love."

Oh, God. This is beyond erotic. This would be a first with mirrors.

I slightly opened my eyes and was staggered at how we both looked together. I looked...sensual and carnal.

"I'm sorry cara, but I have to have you now or I'll go crazy." He promptly had me bent over the bathroom counter and entered me from behind. "BLOODY. FUCKING. HELL. Your cunt always feels like fucking _heaven_." My mind was totally blank from the grueling demands of his hard thrusting. "You're not giving this cunt to another man! Do you hear me, Sienna?" He snarled with raging anger.

"Yes, I heard you," I whispered back, a little confused to his rather sudden change to a darkened mood.

"YOU'RE. NOT. GOING. TO. FUCK. KYLE." Each word was emphasized with a fiercely brutal callous thrust.

"Answer me! You're not fucking Matthews ever again!" Blake hissed cruelly.

"I won't, Blake. I promise... _I won't_." I wanted to yell back but what came out were moans mixed with my words. He pulled out, lifted me up, opened the door and went straight to the bedroom. He captured my lips and demolished them ferociously as he slid my body over his cock. He hastily placed us on the bed whilst kissing and fucking me at the same time. He started to pummel me harder and I gripped his ass with my nails, encouraging him. "Blake...yes...just like that!" I panted with sensual excitement. My orgasm was building and he pinned my knees and pressed them on my breasts, impaling me. "Keep going—FUCK! You're _so_ good!" I sobbed the words out as my orgasm almost peaked.

"Blaaaaaake!" I screamed as my orgasm shook my body and he kept on plunging and ramming his hard cock inside me. He enclosed both of his hands on my neck; his momentum changed from rough and fast, to rapidly crazed and primitive. Another orgasm rocked my already shaken body while we both screamed in unison, as he too reached his climax. His forehead connected with mine as we gathered and heaved for air.

Blake's cock was still twitching and unloading inside me when he looked me dead-on. "If you have sex with Kyle or any other man for that matter, I will _ruin you_ and _rip you_ to shreds—and then some."

Shocked at his blatant threat, I couldn't utter a sound. "Think about the consequences before you open your legs again for another man!" Why does he keep ranting on about this?

"I have never cheated on you, Blake. When I had sex with Kyle, we weren't even together then! You can shove your threats somewhere else!" My hissed tone made him even more furious.

" _I don't want another man touching you!_ **You were mine** the minute you shoved my cock inside you, that night, _but_ that didn't matter an inch to you, _did it?_ You happily obliged and opened your legs to him and let his dick fuck you senseless! _I can't accept that!_ I can't bloody fucking forget it!"

I sat up, shaken from his confession. He sat at the edge of the bed. He looked crushed and miserable. _"Blake..."_

"Did you enjoy it, Sienna?"

Oh, no. Don't do this. Don't go there.

" _Blake..._ " I pleaded.

"I want you to be honest. _Did you or did you not_ ENJOY HIM FUCKING YOU?"

Fuck! I don't want to lose him again. We barely just got back together and now this. _But I can't lie either..._

"Yes, I did enjoy it." He violently cursed and bit his knuckle. He was in so much pain because of me. I felt wretched and so awful about what I'd done.

" _How many times?_ " He said through gritted teeth.

"What?" I whispered, horrified and appalled. Did he just ask that? WTF!

"I asked how many times did you let him fuck you. Or _better yet_ , did you fuck him too?"

# Chapter 59

### blake

"Since you want all the details, let me rehash it for you." Sienna's voice grated with sarcasm and annoyance. "He fucked me twice on the bed, once at night and the next morning. So, that totals two."

_Two times! It was one too many._

I want her. I love her. But I have no idea how to move past this rabid red-flag of jealousy. My insides churned into acid as I repeated what she had just relayed to me. If she did it once, she could do it again.

"Blake. Talk to me." I turned around and faced the rotten woman.

" _Talk to you?_ What about? What the bloody fuck do you want from me, Sienna?" Every time I look at her face, all I can see _is_ her being pleasured and fucked under Kyle Matthews. Or her shagging him and screaming his name while she comes.

" _You_ , Blake...I just want you." _Unbelievable_. How does she do it?

I couldn't even fathom touching another woman after _that_ Saturday night. I didn't want anyone else. After that night, I only got hard thinking about Sienna. To be quite honest, I shagged other women after her and I broke up the first time, but I _only_ thought about Sienna. Technically, each time I shagged, I had to think of her to get hard and needed to imagine her so I could fuck the other women.

"I don't know what to say or do. I genuinely am at a loss for words." I truthfully was. How could I be with someone when I feel like all is lost?

But after being with her last night—I honestly do not know how to let her go. Apart from hating her, being with her makes me feel somewhat complete. While I'm with her, at sporadic times, I feel deliriously happy. What an abominable situation to be in.

She wrapped her soft arms around me from behind. Her naked breasts were pressed on my back and my body started to stir again from the feel of her. Yes, admittedly being with Sienna rather gives me a constant erection—even in unfortunate circumstances like _right now_.

"Let's keep what we have right now going—whatever this is. After last night, I can't lose you—not just yet. We have to see this through. I need to be with you, Blake. Not having you in my life almost killed me. I'd rather have this than not have you at all."

Empty life and great sex?

"I wasn't planning on leaving you. It's difficult to be with you, Sienna. At most times, it gets severe and trying—but I can't walk away either. Whether I love or hate you, at the same time, you're in my blood. I cannot get rid of it because you've imbedded and fastened yourself inside of me. I'm not letting you go...I'm never letting you go."

"I love you Blake." She kissed the back of my neck.

I huffed out a damning sigh. I earnestly contemplated having another round with her on the bed before I headed to shower. Chad must be waiting outside; I had to get going. "I have to dash and get a shower. We have to leave for the airport soon."

She nodded. "Do you want me to join you? I could shower again."

That would be bloody brilliant, but not. "I'd rather be alone for a bit if you don't mind."

"Okay."

"I'll meet you downstairs. Have Marcus or any of the help come fetch your things. I don't want you to lift something heavy and end up hurting yourself." She nervously bit her lip and nodded.

_Hell_ , I have to get out of here before I haul her naked body back on the bed. I savagely cursed my rogue thoughts and left her bedroom.

"This will be your room." I waved at the guestroom as Chad strolled inside. My guestroom was rather spacious with a large Jacuzzi tub and a steam shower large enough to fit three to four people.

He sighed and sat on the queen-sized bed. "You know, I'm not going to try and get myself in trouble. You guys don't have to be so over protective. I'm not a child." Chad seemed discomfited and sad. I strode towards the wall-to-ceiling windows and stared at the traffic below.

"We know you aren't Chad. But you must understand, we are only trying to help you."

"If you want to help so much, then can you please fix things with Sienna? I don't get it—you guys are both obnoxious and _nauseating_ lately." He shook his boggled head.

Chad was Sienna's confidante and I'm sure the lad knew what was going on. The only person I usually confide in is Toby, but recent events had left my best man in rotten shambles. Toby couldn't let a day go by without cursing his beloved. What blasted luck both of us had, fallen in love with such stubborn women.

"It's my fault" I told Chad. "I can't rein in my feelings when it comes to Matthews. Could you blame me if all I can see is her _underneath_ Kyle?"

He gasped and placed a hand over his parted mouth. " _You have got to be kidding me!_ Blake—don't torture yourself; that's just plain cruel. Okay, my girl totally made a screwed up decision; haven't we all? She's entitled to make mistakes too. But you need to start learning how to forgive because if you don't, how long do you think she is going to stay?

"I mean—unless your aim here is to get rid of her. Then you're doing one heck of a job, _buddy_. But if you want to keep her—this is a big no no. She loves you bozo! She chose you and not Kyle. Get that in your super, smart brain!" Chad sounded exasperated and wound up; he started to pace back and forth and stopped. "What's the deal with Camilla, Blake?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"The business section today—it said something about your grandfather stepping down and a possible announcement about your formal engagement with her?" He paused. "I'm such an ass—congratulations about the future CEO! I seriously forgot because all I could think about was that other piece of information."

Who could possibly have leaked stories to the media? Cam and I hadn't seen each other after the call I placed yesterday. Surely, it could be just a rumor?

"It's fairly complicated. I cannot explain it in detail at the moment. But I will eventually."

"Good, because I don't want my baby love to be going through any more shit cakes, you know? _Just saying_ —if you're only after sex with her, then it's best you let the bird out of its cage. I know she's free to go as she pleases—but she loves you—so that might take drastic measures— _again_ —that is if you're only after sex."

"I want her for more than just sex—but it's complex and it isn't that simple anymore."

"Please try a little harder—it's not cool to see her like this. You better go to the other room and make her happy."

That would be tricky. I hated not knowing what to do.

"I'll order some food in an hour or two for dinner. I'll see you in a bit." I went to the door and strode towards my bedroom, where Sienna was unpacking her things.

I found her in the vast his and hers closet. She wore black leggings and a loose pink and black striped, cotton sweater. One shoulder was exposed as she moved about. I studied her for awhile. My eyes lingered on her exposed shoulder; my mouth itched to kiss it. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss those pouty, soft lips but I couldn't drag myself to do it.

Instead, I locked myself in the study and did what I did best. Work.

"There is a Camilla Clayworth wanting to know if you're available." Sandra Thornton said in her utmost businesslike manner. She's another one of my assistants.

"Do send her in. Thank you, Sandra." She gave a curt nod and quietly left the room. I'm sure Cam is here to explain in detail how our personal agreement was leaked to the media.

My name did show up in the news—mostly in the business section. I keep my private life away from tabloid magazines and I want to keep it that way. Unlike Clive, I don't appreciate being hounded by a bunch of paparazzi trying to make my life an utter, living hell.

Last night, I didn't even join them during dinner. I stayed in my study and waited until I knew Sienna was fast asleep before I let myself out. I left for work before she even woke up. Not once did I succumb to my desire to touch her last night. Although, I was manic with fighting against my body, my heart simply couldn't handle it. Not when I see her and Kyle intertwined in my mind each time I look at her.

I heard the door shut and saw Camilla stride towards my desk. Her hair was in a loose chignon and she wore a matching pale blue Chanel skirt suit and had a nude Hermes purse. "Blake—my father let on about our engagement to some of his cronies and I suppose the word stretched to the media. I confided in Father after we spoke last. I was overjoyed, you see, and couldn't wait a moment longer to announce it to my family."

Albert Clayworth would've been euphoric and enraptured about the news. The only matter that I was rather apprehensive about was telling the lovely Camilla how things had shifted since I had last spoken with her. "Do you want any refreshments?"

"Gin and tonic should suffice, thank you." She sauntered towards the couch and carefully placed her purse on the coffee table. I went to the bar and prepared her favored drink. Once done, I handed it to her. She purposely lingered on my fingers a tad too long.

I strode towards the front of my desk and casually leaned on it. The best way to deliver bad news was to carry it out with thorough precision without fault. The last thing I wanted was to inflict pain on Camilla, but it was either that or not have Sienna in my life, and I chose the first option, always. Even if my relationship with Sienna at the moment was twisted and perplexed.

"Sienna and I are trying to work things out."

Camilla's eyes buggered out and she hastily placed her glass on the table with utter care before she responded. "Meaning what precisely?" She lifted an open hand and shrugged. "Fancy shagging her once or twice, or working it _out_ to be with her like before? If it's all sex then I wouldn't mind that, not at all. I do accept that you're a virile man. But what I expect is that you keep your affairs discreet and hidden."

_How considerate_ , I thought dourly.

My jaw grinded. "To be quite honest, I want all of that with Sienna. But our long separation inclined us both to indulge—rather with zealous affections towards other people. But I am in love with her, Cam. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made that call to you."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous! We can still get on with the wedding and you can still have her at the same time. You win either way. She doesn't deserve you, Blake. She's just an opportunist who wants you for your money. She's nothing but a parasite who claimed to love you but conveniently let another man screw her mindless." Camilla's composure seemed to have slackened a tad bit. In normal circumstances, she wouldn't have uttered a word, but would have politely nodded and smiled—not today. She came with her claws out, ready to fight.

"A Mr. Andrei Alexandrov is on line one, sir." The intercom blared out with Sandra's curt voice.

_Hell_ , the Russian tycoon I have been dealing with. For him to personally call means the deal was imminent and needed to be dealt with quickly. "Cam, I have to take this important business call. Make yourself comfortable. I will be with you as soon as I am done." I strode towards my desk and took the call. I barely glanced or waited for Camilla to respond. She knew how these things worked. She was brought up primed to marry the rich and powerful.

The call with Alexandrov took a good thirty minutes. When I looked for Camilla, she wasn't around—but her purse was still on the table. I finally found her in the annex apartment.

"How did you manage to find this place? I never once showed it to you." I wondered out loud when I found her staring at Sienna's portraits. She had a look of wonderment about her eyes when she stared back at Sienna.

What rather came next was an unexpected, icy revelation. " _I know everything about you, Blake_. Every single woman you slept with. All your ins and outs, but most of all, I know what has been going on with _her_." She pointed a finger towards Sienna's picture.

_What did she mean by all of my ins and outs?_ That's rather creepy and a tad stalker-ish. "Are you having me followed? That's absurd! Why on earth would you bloody do such a foolish thing?" My loud shrill made her flinch.

"If I was going to be your future wife, I had to know what you've been up to. The mere truth that I am in love with you—it eased my mind to know that you were doing okay. Well, up until things changed between you and Sienna. I liked her best when you two were friends."

Camilla has been following my life for quite a while then. Has she met Sienna? I didn't see this one coming. Bloody fuck!

"What do you know about Sienna?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Everything, Blake," she whispered and looked back at Sienna's pictures again. "Why do you want her so much? Is it sex? If it is, I can be better. Just teach me and show me what to do. I could please you the way she does. I'll do anything for you, just marry me like how we planned before she came and ruined everything." She snarled at Sienna's face. She loathed Sienna—her voice and face gave her away.

"I am _not_ going to marry you, Camilla—not now, _not ever_. There's nothing I can do for you, so please leave my office."

"I will stop pursuing this issue if you do _two_ things, and then I'll be out of your life." Who would've thought the ever sweet Camilla had a conniving side to her? She's after money? _What else?_

"Take me as your date to your company's gala. The second one, you will sleep with me again, goodbye sex, nothing more." My back stiffened and tensed. _She expected me to do what?_

"What the bloody fuck do you fancy playing at, Camilla? I will not be coerced into doing something I don't want to do. If you want to shag, I can arrange that for you. Gladly."

She stood up and stood before me. "I do not want another man. I want you. It's either you concede to my demands or there will be severe consequences."

My mood thundered with her threats. "I don't work well with threats. I will not oblige your ultimatums. You will stop this maddening obsession and move on."

She exhaled and looked conflicted. She knew I would rather keel over than oblige her blasted threats.

"You are going to regret this, Blake!" She haughtily marched out of the apartment and slammed the door shut on her way out of the office.

Camilla was deranged. A raving bat-shit, loony bin-bound crazy!

_Unbloodyfuckingbelievable._

Another measure of absurdity was just added to my chaotic life.

I pulled out my phone and called my grandfather's head of security. It's high time I pay heed to my grandfather's request and have one for myself. I can't have another incident of being followed without my knowledge. I have Sienna to protect and I can't have her exposed to any danger.

Before I ended the call, I also requested Camilla's apartment to be swiped clean of any connection to me. I needed her laptop and all other devices to be swiped clean too.

I didn't want to take any more risks. She knew too much about me and about Sienna. That alone was enough to send alarm bells ringing.

# Chapter 60

### Sienna

Chad and I decided to meet up for lunch in Locanda Locatelli on Seymour Street. I went to school and spoke to one of my teachers. Classes were over soon and winter break was on the horizon. That entailed Christmas. _Where will I spend it this year?_ I wondered dejectedly.

Last year, I spent it with Blake, Luce and Toby. Toby's birthday is the day before Christmas. Toby took us to his distant Aunt's chalet in Courchevel in Tarentaise Valley, or part of the famed The Three Valleys (Les Trois Vallées) in the French Alps.

The holiday season's a very sensitive and delicate subject, especially to an orphan like me. I used to spend it with Kyle and his family. I knew his family would welcome me with open arms, but I couldn't do that to Kyle. I would rather be miserable on Christmas than hurt Kyle again.

Last Christmas, Blake and I stargazed as we tucked ourselves in a heated blanket and were warmed by an outdoor fireplace as we studied the stars. I remembered a moment where he looked at me weird, well I thought it weird back then. But now when I recalled his face, I think he wanted to kiss me but held back. I'd give anything to have that man back in my life.

For two nights in a row, he slept on his side of the bed. He thought I was asleep but I wasn't. I would wait until I was sure he was fast asleep before I turned over and studied his sleeping face. I am in his life—but _only_ a part of it. How long can I possibly endure him treating me like this? Did he find me repugnant and disgusting?

I knew Chad was already inside the restaurant, so I strolled in and looked for my friend. To my surprise, Luke was with him. "Hello, hello!" I greeted both gentlemen with a delighted smile.

"Hello, Sienna! Sorry to intrude but I won't be long. I needed to see my boyfriend for a second before I headed back to work," Luke said, taking another sip of his wine and standing up.

"Oh, of course. No need for apologies. We should get together soon."

He kissed Chad and gave me a chaste peck on the cheek. The dashing blonde smiled. "Certainly, I'll call you guys soon."

Luke and Chad make the hottest gay couple. I'm not being biased or anything, they _absolutely_ do.

"Poor Luke couldn't keep his hands off you, babe." I teased the ever beaming Chad.

"I know, right? I truly think he's my soul mate, baby love. I've never felt this kind of connection with any of my boy toys before. I feel like I've known him all my life—but I've just met him. It's weird, but you know what I mean?"

I took a copious sip of my wine. The soul mate crap was a total crock of shit. But for Chad, I'd summon my happy face. "I know what you mean babe. I'm so happy for you!" I reached over and pinched his cheek. I have this odd habit with him and only him. I suppose I love him to bits and he's just so adorable when he's irresistibly happy.

"Blake will be joining us by the way. He should be here soon." My body tensed when he mentioned his name. _Boy_ , I have it so bad for him.

"Right," I uttered under my breath as the waiter came by and refilled my glass of wine, which I downed in half a second.

"Oh here comes— _the mighty Knightly_ ," Chad announced.

Dressed in his signature all black designer suit, he sauntered in with confidence. He looked powerfully hot and dominated the room with clear authority. Women did a double take and gave him covetous stares. Sigh, the daily life of being Blake.

Must I endure an entire meal with him being indifferent to me? _Maybe I could excuse myself and leave..._

"Chad, Sienna." He greeted us and softly grazed my cheek. His personal, delicious scent enveloped my already hot and screaming senses. He sat across from me, next to Chad.

"Blake," I muttered, a little breathy.

_Oh yeah_ , I had to clench my thighs just looking at him. My body has its own stupid mind and I had no clue how to stop it. He once told me my body knew its master... _could he be right?_ Because my body started to melt and simmer before his eyes.

"Have you guys ordered?" He casually inquired as he browsed through the menu with total coolness.

"We did—I mean, I took the liberty in ordering for Sienna," Chad said. "She always orders the same thing anyway." True, I do order the same salmon dish. But I'd rather delve into the dessert section and skip the meal this time.

When the waiter took Blake's order, I hastily added my tiramisu and Amedei cioccolato—to be served along with my entrée.

" _Jesus_ , Sienna. Are you pregnant or something?" Chad found it funny, but I was mortified. Blake totally looked aghast and shocked. _Great, this is stupid and so messed up! I'm going to strangle Chad with my bare hands._

"Right, hell the fuck no! My uterus is not bothering you, _or is it Chad?_ —if not, mind your own business!" I snapped back. My sarcastic retort made him realize his joke wasn't at all funny.

"I'm sorry," Chad apologized. "That was a little rude, forgive me."

_You bet your sorry ass._ I nodded in annoyance.

Blake cleared his throat. I looked anywhere, but at him. "I actually wanted to speak to you about work, Chad. The Marbella casino design needs a little revision. The design team and I couldn't agree on anything feasible. I was hoping your artful eye could look into it? If things go according to plan, I want you to head the team. Your work is impressive. Each portrait evokes emotion and I want the same kind of beauty to surround my clients when they enter the casino. If this project succeeds under you, I might just indulge you in doing the hotel as well."

"Holy shit, that's like mammoth work! _Imagine_ the publicity that could give me! WOW! I am so qualified for this! Art and design is what I live for! Of course, _I would so do it for you!_ Are you on crack?!!!" Chad shrieked with sheer astonishment.

This kind gesture would revive Chad's confidence and would undeniably cement his name as an artist. Blake no doubt needed help with his hired design team and I'm positive that he could have hired anyone he desired. But he chose an amateur, Chad, to do it. His confidence in Chad spoke volumes. And the plain fact that he'd take extra measures to ensure Chad is on his way to a recovery—and what a recovery it'll be! He looked out for people he cared about. That much was obvious.

"What's your going rate?" Blake lightly enquired to the gaping Chad.

" _Nah uh_ , you're not paying me dude! This is the least I can do for you after what you've done for me. Consider this labor of love and redemption."

"If you're sure, I don't want to take advantage of a recovering friend."

The food arrived and my eyes landed squarely on my dolce indulgence. "Yes, quite totally sure!" Chad smirked at my blissful face. I barely touched my entrée and satiated my gnawing appetite for sweets.

I finished it in record speed and took the opportunity to excuse myself and leave them both. Being this close to Blake—and wide awake, not asleep—made me anxious. Our relationship was at a standstill. But neither he nor I had the nerve to bring up the daunting subject. I suppose we're both cowards in that respect.

I was done with school for the day and had nowhere to go, really. So, I decided to be frivolous and treated myself (I needed the works) to the Sanctuary Spa in Covent Garden, a short walk from my flat. I had yet to go back to my own apartment. Since Blake decided that I had to sleep with him (more like next to him at this rate), I seem to have forgotten my own life.

My beauty jaunt finally finished at six and I darted to Blake's in Mayfair. It took four and a half hours of blissful massages, scrubbing, waxing, facials (loved the pure oxygen blast), and a mani/pedi.

I checked my phone and smiled when I found a text from Kyle.

**Kyle:**

**Yo! A few peeps from motherland passing through Friday. Let me know if you can join us!**

**Me:**

**Who's all coming to visit?**

I replied. The idea of seeing familiar faces sounded like a good idea right now.

**Kyle:**

**It's Mickey and the gang. Are you coming through or what?**

I would love to but I didn't want to promise and end up not showing up.

**Me:**

**I will try. I will get back to you Friday.**

My phone beeped almost immediately.

**Kyle:**

**Come on. You gotta try!**

Yeah, I will. That's the tricky part...going without having Blake throw a boiling showdown.

**Me:**

**I will try Kyle. You know I will, k?**

I shoved my phone back in my purse as the cab stopped in front of Blake's building. I paid and thanked the cabbie.

When the elevator opened its doors, I knew Luke and Chad were pattering about in the kitchen. Their loud teasing and constant bickering made it evident as they laughed and teased each other. The smell of dinner cooking permeated the air. Both gents sounded ecstatic. I grinned silly as I passed by the kitchen and entered Blake's bedroom. My grin instantly vanished when I saw Blake come out of the bathroom, freshly showered with only a white towel wrapped around his hips. It hung loosely around the apparent V on his hips that pointed downwards to his groin—made me drool on the spot. Not to mention his defined chest and chiseled abs made me downright breathless. Hard, defined, bronze, masculine beauty at its _rawest_ and _finest_! What a hot piece of...

_Move bitch and don't look back_ , I mentally screamed at myself.

"How was your afternoon, Sienna?" His placid, formal tone made me snap into reality.

_Yeah, ice man is back._

"It was fabulous," I delivered with great fake enthusiasm and sprinted towards the walk-in closet. I'd rather eat dirt than let him know that his indifference affected me a great deal.

My butt barely reached the large rectangular closet chair when Blake strode in the closet and stood before me. _Oh my God!_ _Can't he put some clothes on before he decides to talk to me?_ I was about to faint just from his close proximity to me, staring me down with those infinite pools of gold-flecked midnight silver eyes.

"I wanted to tell you that there's a company gala on New Year's Eve. I already informed Chad and everyone. The company made an announcement but this time, William will formally announce his retirement and appoint me as his successor."

_Right, cheery-o mate!_ Congratulations? Is that what he expected me to say? His annoying, icy, formal demeanor made me want to pull all of his hair out just to see if I could get a reaction. His impartial take on my feelings and obvious disdain, made the dagger in my heart twist a little bit more.

"Is that all?" My alienated, hollowed voice rasped out. He cocked his head as if to say something, then decided against it and left the room hastily.

I exhaled a heavy sigh and composed myself. I dragged myself to change and joined the merry couple outside to help prepare for dinner. Playing pretend was a more palatable option than facing the icy fact of my present problem.

After dinner, Luke decided to stay over. I'm sure it was rather odd to be sleeping in the house of the man you work for—but Blake made him at ease. Good to know he's all accommodating and nice to everyone else. It was only me who was excluded in this cozy realm.

Blake stuck to his usual night time routine. He went out like a light the second his head hit the pillow and as far away from me as possible.

_Must be nice to be him_ , I thought acidly.

These past few nights, I've been going to sleep later than usual. Apart from dark circles, the only good thing I gained from my standing nightly vigil was that my nightmares were not hounding me.

# Chapter 61

When Friday rolled around, I still hadn't mentioned anything to Blake about my friends from L.A. They were all staying over at Kyle's house. It's not that I'm scared to mention it, but it was more like being weary about the simple truth that things aren't hearts and roses between Blake and me.

Earlier, when I spoke to my classmate Aloy, she mentioned some great internship programs with PR companies and other opportunities for us to help out that she learned about during London Fashion Week (which I totally missed two months ago). I marked my iPad calendar with the registration date for the 2013 week. The LFW would be a great reference for me if I ever want to compete in the volatile world of Fashion. The PR internship would be a great way to see another side of brand marketing and I wanted to take advantage of this great opportunity that my school was offering.

I flipped both of the sandwiches over in the pan and waited for them to be golden and crispy. I was making Chad and I grilled cheese sandwiches and fresh tomato soup. The weather outside was freezing and a good soup was in order. I loved grilled cheese with my tomato soup. My papa always made it for me and it was one of those things that reminded me of my good childhood with my dad.

Even though the temperature in Blake's apartment was about seventy degrees, Chad was in his sweats. Once the sandwiches were done, I placed them on separate plates and took out two deep bowls for the soup. "Chaaaaaad! Food's ready!"

I went over to the coffee maker and started a pot while I hummed along as I moved about. "Oh, you made lunch?" I stiffened upon hearing his voice. Wasn't he supposed to be at work or something?

"You never mentioned you were coming over and besides, I made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup–I wasn't sure if you liked them."

"Where did you get that notion? Don't you remember the time when you came over with grilled cheese and tomato soup when I was rottenly sick? I'd never had grilled cheese before that—but I loved that you took care of me then."

How could I forget? I stayed over like a good doting friend would for two days to make sure he was breathing and not going to die. He got really ill after a safari trip in Africa.

"Oh, um, do you want to eat with us? I can make another one." Why are we talking again? What the heck happened to _ice man?_ I wanted to ask him but bit my tongue.

"If it's not too much of an inconvenience—then that would be lovely."

"You never said you were joining us for lunch, mighty Knightly." Chad strode in the kitchen along with his laptop in his right hand.

"Mighty _Knightly?_ " Blake looked amused. "That's comical."

Chad took the food and placed it on the breakfast table. "It's fitting...that's all." Chad chuckled and started to boot his laptop. "I've been working on ideas, Blake. But I will let you know once I'm done. I want to present them to you with mockups and such."

While I started to make another sandwich, Blake stood right behind me. I tensed at his close proximity and was extremely baffled by his change of attitude. Wait—could it be—possibly because he finally got over what I did? Could it? God, I hope so. I really wanted to move forward and just be us again.

"That's an excellent idea. I meant to tell you that the design team wants to get in touch and talk to you. I could give you their emails and you can CC them with your ideas, or you can meet up with them in Marbella and speak to them directly. Which is best for you? The team has a month and a half to decide before deadline."

Chad nodded and frowned at his screen. It's great to see him in his element again.

"I take it both of you want coffee? I'll make it," Blake offered.

"Yes, please," Chad and I echoed together.

Blake moved about and prepared three cups of coffee and placed them on the table. Once everything was set, all three of us sat on the table. Blake placed a glass of orange juice next to my coffee. I frowned, "Uh...I didn't ask for juice."

He shrugged, "You need vitamin C, Sienna. All I see you drink is coffee as of late." HUH.

"Okaaaay." Odd—and super weird.

Chad giggled and started singing "LOVE" by Nat King Cole.

**L** is for the way you look at me

**O** is for the only one I see

**V** is very, very extraordinary

**E** is even more than anyone that you adore can

**Love is all that I can give to you**

**Love is more than just a game for two**

**Two in love can make**

**Take my heart and please don't break it**

**Love was made for me and you**

He kept eyeing both Blake and I as he sang. Chad even wiggled his brows when he sang 'Love was made for me and you' part. It was really ridiculous and very cute but I couldn't take any more of the beautiful song. "Chad–you have a beautiful voice but this isn't the _X Factor_!" I chided him knowing quite well the song was meant for us and not him. But it was a touchy subject.

Much to my dismay, Blake just laughed. "Bravo, Chad! You should list singing on your bright resume." Why was he amused anyway? Grrrr.

I dipped my grilled cheese in my tomato soup and took a large bite. I choked as Blake said, "You should sing at my wedding. I love that song." Uh, WHAT THE FUCK?! Wedding? _To whom?_ Camilla?

I coughed and Blake patted my back. My entire body tingled from his touch. I wanted to die right then and there. He hasn't really touched me in four days. FOUR long, agonizing days of him ignoring my existence.

"I'm fine," I murmured, hoping he'd take his hand off my back which he did—after a _long_ minute.

Both men engaged in a discussion about themes, designs and whatever else I didn't want to pay attention to. I just wanted to finish my lunch and dash out of the kitchen. The shrill sound of my phone came just in time and I got up and grabbed it off the kitchen counter.

_Kyle_. Shall I or shall I not? I contemplated in haste. Curiosity won out.

"Hello?"

" _Doll!!!!_ Where the hell are you? I'm really pissed that you weren't at Heathrow when we arrived earlier!" Jen said a little miffed but excited at the same time. _Heck_ , Kyle never mentioned Jen was coming too. Or _did he?_ No, definitely not. That's something I wouldn't have forgotten. Not Jen.

"BABE! I wasn't told you were coming. I thought it was Mick and the boys. So, so sorry! You know I wouldn't miss you for the world!" I really wouldn't. Now, I'm going to light Kyle's ass on fire for not mentioning this to me.

I went out of the kitchen because I noticed both guys were eavesdropping. I needed to get dressed to go see Jen ASAP. With my phone tucked tightly between my ear and shoulder, I quickly took my clothes off. Down to my electric blue lace thong, I paced back and forth in the vast closet as I listened to her and figured out what I wanted to wear.

"...I declined Caleb's proposal you know...I mean, I have yet to finish school. Why do I need to rush to be a housewife? Come on, seriously. He totally ruined our relationship. It was going so well until that hella big explosion."

I stopped pacing when she mentioned "proposed." What's with men rushing to get married these days and women backtracking?

" _Hold it_ — _proposed?_ And you declined? That couldn't have gone down well. He's such a great guy, Jen!" I met Caleb once when Kyle dragged me to see Jen.

"I know doll. But come on! Anyhow, get your cute bum here before I decide to come get you and end up getting lost around here. _Gawd_ , you never said London had some totally cute men! _Okay_ —the guys are hollering me to finish. Kyle's taking us out—see you soon doll and be quick!" Jen immediately ended the call before I had the chance to say a word.

I grunted in frustration. I was a little pissed at Kyle for not mentioning Jen. Now I was antsy about telling Blake that I was about to head out and meet my friends, Kyle included.

"Sienna?" Blake strode in but instantly stopped when he saw me in my _almost_ naked state. He swallowed, his eyes darkened and roved boldly over my body.

_Yeah, buster!_ You've missed out on _this_ for awhile, haven't you? I thought provokingly. I didn't even bother putting on a robe. What's the point?

Since I felt a little naughty and his reaction gave me enough boost to confidently taunt him. HA! "Did you want something, Blake?" I asked, my voice throaty and seductive. Inviting.

His eyes lingered at my breasts a tad longer before his eyes landed on mine. _My, my, you're certainly having a hard time concentrating._ His arousal was obvious against his black Armani slacks. "I, uh—came to tell you that," he cleared his throat, "I'm going away for three weeks to America, New York and Texas specifically, then Brazil. I'll join everyone in France before Christmas."

Three weeks? _That long...without him?_ Shit.

He cleared his throat again. Was he nervous or _something?_ "That is, if you're joining us in France. Are you going to?"

Toby did text me this morning but I hadn't decided yet. I know Chad and Luke are going with them. Luce? I had no clue yet—most probably not given the obvious situation.

Three weeks. HUH. "I haven't thought about it. Toby sent me an invite but I haven't responded." I bit my lip, my brows furrowed.

This is so weird. Is it going to be like this between Blake and me from now on? _Just plain...weird?_

"I see. Right."

"When are you leaving?" My voice squeaked.

"In a few hours, I actually came back to pack."

I simply nodded. "I'm just going to change and I'll be out. I know your closet is on the other side—but you know—in case you need space or something." Blake placed his hands inside his pockets and leaned on the mirrored wall.

"Off to somewhere? Mind if I ask where?"

Ick. I turned around and pretended to go through my clothes. "I'm off to see my friends from back home who are visiting. They're all staying at Kyle's. _So..._ yup."

_'So.....yup?' Seriously, Sienna?_ Fudge.

Blake was behind me in an instant. His heat radiated off me. He was so close but yet so far away. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my jumbled thoughts. Things are harder when it's the guy who decided to stop touching you. When it's the other way around, men can easily seduce the woman into submission. I mean, I could try seducing him—but I'm nearly naked now and still he doesn't touch me. My confidence just took a nosedive along with my ego.

"Are you going to be staying there, with _him?_ " His tone was very low, but the underlying threat and anger was evident.

"No. I'll be back to sleep here, if that makes you...comfortable?" I was going to say happy, but I'm not too sure anymore. Nothing with Blake makes sense any more.

"Make sure that you do. There will be a car and a driver waiting for you downstairs once you're done. Use that while I'm not here. I don't want to hear about any more _incidents_ , Sienna. Do I make myself clear?"

Crystal. Incidents meaning Kyle Matthews. Why doesn't he take my word for it? He and I weren't even together! Yet he acts like we were together, married or something when I did it. I know it's not an excuse...but what was I supposed to do? FML!

"Whatever, Blake, are you about done? I need to hurry up and get dressed. I don't want to keep Kyle _waiting_!" I snapped back at him and tried to move away but he caged me before I could.

He growled like an animal next to my ear. His hot body pressed against mine, hard. His arousal pressed against the back of my hips. My body primitively melted at the feel of his burning hot groin. "Don't play games with me. I'm not to be trifled with, Sienna!"

I swallowed, a bit unsettled. "I was merely joking, Blake," I whispered.

"Well, I bloody wasn't joking. Choose wisely, if you must! Pay heed my beautiful one because there will be no next time." I did choose him. I did, didn't I? Then why was he acting like a brute?

I turned around and faced Blake. "Why are you being so difficult?" If looks could kill, I would've been six feet in the ground in a second.

"Because I do not _fucking_ TRUST you!" He thundered, his eyes almost dark as night.

"I know. Don't you think I don't know that? These last few days proved that. If you don't want to be with me— **then say so!** Don't keep me hanging like this. I agreed to be with you, but I didn't think it'd be like _this_. I don't want to be with you if you're going to treat me like dirt!

"I love you, but...I can't degrade myself anymore than I have already. I'm worth more than that. _I am more than that!_ So, let me go. Let's just walk away before we ruin ourselves more." My eyes stared at his dress shirt. I couldn't look at him or I would have fallen under his spell.

My throat constricted. "Let me go, Blake," I whispered.

This had to end. This madness had to stop. We were hurting each other more as time went on.

"I...can't. No. I cannot let you go." His voice shook against my forehead. "My actions for the last few days have been loathsome, to say the least—but you must understand the strain and the type of wretchedness I'm under. Every night, I come to bed angry and frustrated as hell. _I want you_ —I yearn to touch you but it's hard for me to do so."

" _Then touch me_ —I need to feel you, just _something_....to be close to you."

"I can't," he said, hollowed and pained.

_I guess there's nothing more to say is there?_ I thought as I nodded and fled the closet. I locked myself in the darkened bathroom and cried silently. This was the worst kind of rejection I've ever had to endure. Why the hell was I holding on to something that's not there anymore–I scolded and berated myself at the same time. My desperation and my addiction to be with him won against common sense. _Am I that pathetic?_ If he didn't want me, then why the heck did he want me around? He probably wanted a lap dog or an adoring fan that thought the world of him. I fitted and checked on all counts moronic.

The door handle wiggled. "Sienna, open up."

I sniffed and wiped my tears with my hands. "I need a moment, Blake."

"Let me in. _Please_." _Damn it, I'm such a pitiful woman,_ I thought as I budged and opened the blasted door slightly.

"Listen, I apologize. That was rather crass and cruel of me." He was only speaking the truth, that I simply disgusted him.

Hurtful, yes. But the truth hurts, right?

"It's fine. You were just saying how you felt—that you found me repulsive. But that's okay—I'll move out tomorrow."

"You're not leaving, yet again. You are not!"

I sighed. "This is stupid, do you know that? I'm tired. This is not working out. It was good while it lasted." I brushed past him but he caught my wrist. He swiftly tugged me and lifted me onto the bathroom counter.

His hand held my cheek as his lips hovered around my ear. "I don't find you repulsive. You're the most beautiful woman my eyes have _ever_ beheld. You light me up like no other woman can. It only takes one look and you have me falling at your feet. It has been difficult— _to feel this hateful mistrust_ and yet love you at the same time. I cannot lose you. Please, don't leave me. I promise I'll do better."

This was aggravating and I groaned, upset with this whole thing with Blake. I stared back at the man who owned my heart. _I'm sorry,_ my eyes pleaded.

I captured his lips and waited for him to yank away from me, but he didn't. In fact, he deepened the kiss. My legs parted as he positioned himself in between them. We both groaned in unison when my sex felt his hardness.

"Sienna...," he moaned as he kissed my chest and bit my nipple. I threw my head back from the aching sensation. Dear God, has it been only _four_ days? Why does it feel like it's been forever since he's touched me?

"Blake, please—take me. _Take me any way you want._ " A guttural sound came from him as he ripped off my thong in one quick tug.

FUCK. YES!!!!!!

Blake crushed his lips against mine. Strong arms lifted me off the counter and I hooked my legs around his waist as we kissed, starved and insatiable.

He carried me towards the bedroom and flung me roughly on the middle of the massive bed. I stared wide-eyed at Blake, whose eyes blatantly ravaged my naked body. He tugged his tie free and slowly undid his buttons, one at a time. _God, he looks so hot and beautiful!_

He was stripping and I was so turned on. My eyes burned gold as I looked at him through my lashes. He peeled off his dress shirt, simply unhurried. I started to touch my breasts as I watched him shed off his clothing. His magnificent physique never failed to astound me. He tugged his belt free as my left hand trailed south and found my mound. With my legs parted, I slowly touched myself and greedily watched him. My middle finger rubbed my clitoris as his slacks fell on the floor. I bit my bottom lip at the sight of his arousal.

_Perfection_ , I thought greedily. His thumbs pushed the bands of his black boxer briefs down and he stepped out of them. His colossal erection was a welcomed sight. Blake watched me as he roughly stroked his cock— _up and down_ —making the tip of his shaft engorged; thick veins etched his cock. _Oh, yeah. He's definitely turned on!_

"Come and get me." My voice hoarse and breathy.

"Don't think I won't, my sweet. Because I am ravenous—and this perfect, delectable body of yours is enough to satisfy my greedy appetite." His eyes zeroed in on my pussy. _Yes, please!_

My breathing hitched as he lowered himself and crawled in between my parted legs, above my heated body. "I want to taste you—but my need exceeds that. I need to be inside you—NOW!" He cursed as he shoved his cock inside me. I felt my pussy stretch to accommodate his massive size as he gently teased and eased himself _in_ and _out_ of me. I rubbed my clit harder, making the sensations even more potent and intoxicating. Each thrust took him further in, until his cock was fully inside me.

I moaned his name.

"My God, Blake..." I gasped. "...I need you...rough."

He laughed over my nipple and bit into it. Shit cakes. "Patience, my love. We've barely started."

Blake withdrew his cock and flipped me on my stomach. "Close your eyes and relax. I want you to feel everything I'm giving you." He kissed the back of my neck and then nibbled my ear lobe. I followed his command and closed my eyes. He moved and I heard a drawer open and close. He lifted my ass and placed two pillows under my stomach. His hands parted my ass cheeks and I tensed when I felt the tip of his tongue on my anus. I wasn't sure if I was mortified because it felt good or because it was _my anus?_

"Relax."

"Erm...I'm trying," I mumbled as his finger dug out some of my pussy juice and slid it back to my anus. He glided his finger back and forth as his tongue teased the spot some more. His ministrations started to make me relaxed.

Blake eased two fingers inside me while he licked and probed my anus. "Blaaake...," I moaned with delight. I knew what he wanted and I willingly gave it to him.

With his fingers pulled out and his tongue off my anus, he shuffled and positioned himself above me. The tip of his shaft stabbed my pussy entrance but he didn't push any further. _Okay..._ I thought as I heard a soft click of something...

I gasped when I felt a drizzle of extremely icy hot/cold liquid land on my anal hole and continued to drip further down to my pussy. I heard another snap and Blake grabbed my hips and pummeled my pussy with a hot/cold liquid coated cock. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed. _This feeling_ _was..._ seriously out of this world! It felt so shockingly amazing.

Blake chuckled. "That's always a great compliment when you call me God!" He grabbed a handful of my hair, twisted his wrist and fucked me harder. I panted and my body exploded like a limpet.

My pussy felt like it was on fire and at the same time, it was freaking cold. The sensations were driving my body to a cataclysmic orgasm. His balls slapped harder against my clit and I reached my hand down to double my ecstasy. "Ba—be—I'm coming!" My voice shrieked as Blake took his momentum to another level and inserted his thumb in my anus. _Hell_ , my man seriously knows how to fuck like a god!

I shivered and my body shook with my orgasm. Blake pulled out and slightly nudged his engorged head on my anal entrance. My ongoing orgasm made it easier for me to take him. His cock eased further inside. He howled. "FUCK SIENNA! Your ass feels bloody amazing!"

He drove until all of his manhood was cloaked inside me, moving in a leisured and measured manner. Once my body got used to the unfamiliar onslaught, he shifted and started to take me harder than before. "Keep touching your clit, love. That's right." I bit my bottom lip as I followed his request. Once my fingers found my cleft, I buckled at the mind-numbing sensation. The feeling was quite...phenomenal! My pussy squirted more juice and I rubbed myself even harder.

"Can I take you rough?"

I grunted. _Was he really serious?_

"For the love of everything I believe in, you can take me as you please, Blake!"

He made another animalistic noise and took me hard and fast. Blake mounted me like a horse and whacked my pulsating, trembling womanhood with great force.

I screamed and stuffed my face in the pillow to muffle the sound. It didn't take long for another orgasm to hit me. My body vibrated and became limp. With a few more thrusts, Blake climaxed and bellowed my name. He pushed a few more times; his cock twitched as he emptied his seed in my womb.

He shuddered against my back and kissed my shoulder. "I'm all yours."

With a contented sigh, he pulled out and gathered me next to him. He took my chin and looked me in the eye. " _I love you_. Forgive me for being such an unmitigated arse. I don't want to ever lose you again, Sienna." His voice shook, and he suddenly looked so unsure of himself.

"Thank you for apologizing. _Yes_ —you were being an ass—but you're forgiven as long as that ice man façade is gone. I want _you_ back, Blake."

"Ice man, huh?" He laughed as he kissed my lips. "I am enslaved to you and your bewitching beauty my love. I tried to run away, to deny it. But I couldn't hide from my heart—it only beats the truth. And the truth is that I am a fool. Without you, I am nothing but emptiness."

I melted all over again. Who wouldn't?

"I love you too, Blake."

# Chapter 62

### Sienna

It has been two weeks and five days since I last saw Blake and there's only two more days to go before I finally see him again. But who's counting?

Finals were finally over and I relish the thought that I will be Christmas shopping today. Chad's been preoccupied with his design project and the idea for another art show exhibition has been floating about in his head.

I was in the kitchen drinking my coffee and browsing online. I was having a hard time deciding what to get Blake for his Christmas present.

" _Yoohoo_. Anybody home?" Lucy called out.

"I'm in the kitchen!"

"I've been calling you a lot but no one ever picks up! Am I being shunned without my knowledge?" She complained as she sat across from me at the table.

"No, hun, that's ridiculous. I had finals and Chad's busy with his Marbella casino design project. What's up? Do you want to go Christmas shopping with me?"

"I would love to—but I got my family presents before they up and left me all by my lonesome." She got up and went over to get some coffee. "Where did you guys get these cute pastries? These are marvelous!" She gushed as she took another bite.

"Freya, Blake's housekeeper, keeps us fully stocked with pastries here. One of Blake's orders—to keep me _sweet_ , more than anything." Blake's been away but he's made sure I'm well taken care of. I have Robert to drive me around and I have Gareth as security to tag along. Trust me, I pulled out a lot of my hair when I tried to argue that I didn't need a bodyguard—but Blake was adamant and unbending. So, there goes that. I suppose it has its advantages; Gareth seems to know when and what I need at any given time. It's like having someone know your move before you make it—which is endearing and at the same time, a little annoying.

"Gah—the blinding man is putty in your lovely hands, Sienna! The women are going to be outraged!" Luce fibbed, but I knew better. I never doubted it. Wonder what Camilla will think of it though?

"I know—but let's get back to your family. What do you mean they left you? Where did they go? It's Christmas!" That's a little insensitive and not to mention extremely rude of her family to have done that—and Luce looked more than bothered.

"It was planned months ago really. Mum and Dad flew to Turks and Caicos two days ago and my sister went to Australia with her spanking new fiancée. I couldn't beg them to take me along now, could I? That would be absurd." Luce was utterly serious and cheerless as she sat across from me.

"I have a bright idea...or not...but you could join us in France. I mean, you still have a couple of days to think about it. It would be awesome if you could though! It'll be like last year but bigger and merrier!"

Luce sulked more at my suggestion. "Really, love? Toby would not be pleased about that. After his incessant pleas during Blake's birthday weekend, he found me unyielding and turned into a stinking, bitter, obnoxious, sad bastard!"

Okay. These two are turning really hostile towards each other. If I could have words with Toby's parents, I so would. I would quite possibly castrate his gambaholic father.

" _Meh,_ who cares? It's not like he's going to throw you out once you're there!" I said jovially.

"Who's going to be thrown out? Lover! You didn't say you were coming over?" Chad sauntered over to Luce and gave her a smacking kiss on the lips.

"I'm plotting how we can drag Luce with us to France without Toby going crazy on us." I enlightened Chad as he sat next to Lucy.

"You're joining us? Yipeee! Uh...HOLD UP, _what the hell happened to Troy?_ " Chad asked.

"He's brilliant you know and royally gorgeous—but I don't know. I think he was rather taken with Sienna and I was more of just pushing myself more into denial in regards to Toby...we're still friends. We still keep in contact and go out to eat once a week to catch up but strictly as friends."

"So, what's been going on around here?" Luce smiled and eyed Chad and me.

Luce had been busy with school as well and our schedules didn't mesh. Although, I had seen her a few times when I went to our flat to clean and stuff. That was the only time we caught up. The loss of Toby was taking a huge toll on her and she had lost some weight, but she obviously doesn't want to discuss it.

Dodging the Toby altercation all together, Chad rambled on about everything else. My baby Chad is still smitten with his beloved Luke. Might I add that things are going quite steady for both? Chad's still in therapy with Dr. Murray but his progress is unbelievable. I suppose the power of love and finding purpose again really does wonders.

"Come on Luce, join us? _Please?_ You should start packing now and we'll be back the morning of New Year's Eve, just enough time to go get ready for Knightly Industries' lavish bash at The Savoy." Chad pleaded for the third time.

"If Toby boots me out in the freezing cold, both of your arses are coming with me, understood?" She threatened our happy state.

"Sure!" I agreed, as long as I got to drag Blake with me. I'm not missing out on my reunion with him, come hell or high water. I am spending time with him!

"I wouldn't expect anything less!" Chad grinned.

"Good. Now, would you be a dear and pass me your computer, Sienna? I need to purchase tickets to France. Do we charter a Cessna or a helicopter to get to Courchevel?" Luce pulled her wallet from her designer rustic tote.

"That's not necessary. _Have you forgotten that we have Sienna with us?_ Do you honestly think Blake would let her fly commercial? One of his company's six jets is going to be our chariot to Courchevel."

"Shut it, Chad!"

"It's only a matter of time until you don that monster of a ring!" Luce added.

_The_ ring? Uh, not so much. Committing and baring myself to Blake is still scary to me—but I had to strengthen my resolve if I wanted to be with him.

"Maybe in half a decade if Blake still wants me, so let's not get ahead of ourselves. Are we going present shopping or not?"

We landed around three in the afternoon in Courchevel. Toby arrived this morning and Blake would arrive later this evening with Luke.

"Bon après-midi monsieur Chad, mademoiselle Sienna et mademoiselle Lucille! Comment vas-tu?" How are you? Marcel greeted us and directed his question to the blushing Lucy.

"Je vais bien, Marcel. How is Claudette? Good I hope?" Luce followed Marcel to the awaiting silver Range Rover. Luce and Claudette got on really well last Christmas. I'm not too sure if they know that Toby and Luce aren't together?

Powdery white snow was everywhere. The Alps made a picturesque backdrop as Marcel drove along. Memories of Blake and me skiing and laughing flittered through my mind. Was that only last year?

My nostalgic thoughts halted when Marcel stopped and took out his remote for the automated gate. Once opened, he rounded the car along the driveway and the gorgeous rustic three-story chalet came into view. This place has a heated indoor pool with floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the beautiful snow-capped Alps, a well-equipped game room, a movie theater and a massive, modern gym. A luxurious chalet was a little understated if you consider the décor and paintings it contained inside. The chalet boasted three large master bedrooms and three junior suites and all of the bathrooms have steam showers, a Jacuzzi and a sauna. So, suffice to say, there is enough room for all seven of us. Did I mention that Toby's distant aunt, Meredith, actually married a sheikh from Qatar? They couldn't have children, so Meredith doted on Toby, much to Evelyn Watson's dismay. They hated each other from what I gathered.

Toby immediately came out of the large oak door. He beamed as he grabbed for the car door handle. All three of us froze... _maybe because we forgot to mention to Toby that we were bringing his ex-love along?_

Toby pulled the car door open and Chad jumped out of the car. "How are you? You look all dapper and handsome!" I would say the same but I'm a little nervous, and giddy?

Marcel opened the trunk and started to bring our luggage inside the chalet. Luce and I opened the other door and came out on the other side. Once Toby saw who I was with, he froze. "What in the bloody hell is going on? Is this a joke? If it is, it's rather tasteless!"

Okay, I expected that. "Toby—let's get inside and discuss this rationally before we all freeze to death." I reasoned and encouraged them to go inside. Toby harrumphed and marched back inside the chalet. Chad and I shared a "look."

"Told you this wasn't a great idea!" Luce uttered between clenched teeth as we followed Toby inside.

He was in a spacious all white living room. Toby stood in front of the floor to ceiling window, trying to appreciate the view before him.

Chad cleared his throat. "Luce was going to spend the holidays alone in London and we couldn't leave her there knowing that. Her parents went to the Caribbean and her sister's in Australia. The last resort was for her to come join us. It's only for a few days, Tobe! And it's _Christmas_!"

"Is everyone here?" A woman's voice came from the hall. _Who the fuck is that?_

Luce and Chad tensed. Luce looked stricken.

Amelia Mendoza glided in in all her Spanish glory towards the living room...and towards Toby. Her smooth hand rested on his chest.

"What the fuck is she doing _here,_ Toby?!" I shrieked. This fucking woman was bad news. She bore bad news!

"I'm taking that you've met Amelia?"

"Are _you_ serious? Of course I've met Amelia! I'm also _in_ the know that Blake has met 'her', quite intimately to be precise. Might I also add that she was the one who told me about the whole Clayworth engagement!"

Toby looked appalled. "You've fucked my best friend and you forgot to mention it?"

She waved her red lacquered nails in the air. "That was a long time ago, _querido_! It was not that big of a deal," Amelia purred.

Toby was ready to explode. "It is to me. Chad and Sienna will stay in the other master suites. You can take the junior suite Lucy. Excuse us, but Amelia and I have much to discuss in private." Toby and Amelia strode away, possibly to Toby's bedroom.

"Shit, Luce. I didn't know he was seeing her. Had I known, I wouldn't have suggested it," I uttered. Sighing, I sat on the pristine, white suede couch. This was so awful.

Both of them followed suit and sat down next to me. We all looked dazed and shocked by Toby's Spanish conquest.

"Are you okay, Luce?" Chad gave her a hug and held on to her.

"Yeah, just shocked is all. It was to be expected really." She bit her pink bottom lip. Her corn flower blue eyes looked misty. "Did she really shag Blake? Did she really confront you about the Clayworth engagement? That shameless whore!" Luce started to shake her head.

"She couldn't get the boss so she settled for the best friend!" Both Luce and I looked at Chad with questioning eyes. "Oh, I've heard about her. She chased Blake relentlessly; that's how I met her. She was at the villa once. I guess she wasn't getting anywhere with him so she went after Toby. In normal circumstances, he wouldn't have—but our baby was so broken, Amelia was probably a godsend."

Did Blake know about this? Was he okay that his best friend was with someone he used to sleep with? That's rather odd.

I fished my phone out of my purse and texted Blake.

**Me:**

**Where are you? What time will you be gracing me with your handsome presence?**

"We should unpack and unwind before dinner." Chad stretched. "You know, if you get bored, you can sleep with us Luce," he jested.

"Funny, ha ha. NOT!" Luce finally grinned as we got up and made our way to the stairs.

Last year, we celebrated Toby's birthday at the stroke of midnight. As their ritual, he was showered with presents and well wishes. But I know tonight will be a bit different, especially with Amelia in tow.

My phone beeped.

**Blake:**

**I'm in London with grandfather. I will be leaving in half an hour or so. I'll be seeing you.**

That's going to be a while.

To kill time, I started to unpack which didn't take much time. I decided to take a lengthy shower. After I dried my long locks, I donned all white matching sweats and black Uggs boots. I applied limited make-up and grabbed my iPad and scoured the living room downstairs.

Chad was enjoying a glass of pinot as he lounged on the couch and watched the dancing flames in the fireplace. "Life is too good lately, baby love. What if it isn't permanent?" He spoke softly.

"Nothing is permanent in life babe, but it only gets better from here." I grabbed his wine and took a sip. "Delicious."

"It is, isn't it? Claudette showed me the impressive cellar. Can you believe that I don't feel like a broken man anymore? And you—you look so happy! It's going to be the best Christmas ever!" He gave me a quick kiss.

"I know, life's been rather a crazy roller coaster lately, wouldn't you say? Where's Luce?"

"Asleep—probably still reeling from earlier."

I had to deal with the same situation a few times with Blake, and I died with seething jealousy. It isn't easy to see someone you love with someone else. It's not something I would like any person to experience. It's the worst kind of pain. It eats you alive and all you can do is breathe and pray for a miracle.

I moved to the other side of the rounded suede couch and turned on my iPad. I had tons of books I wanted to catch up on. I didn't even finish reading a few pages before I dozed off.

Boisterous male laughter jerked me awake. How long did I nap for? I thought groggily.

"...it was. Where is Toby?" Blake's masculine, deep voice jolted me from my hazy, sleepy state.

_Blake. He's here!_

I got up hastily and made my way to the grand foyer and jumped onto Blake's hard body. His face lit up when he saw me, when I clung onto him and gave his face loud smacking kisses.

He chuckled. "Goodness woman! Had I known I would get this kind of welcoming, I would have gone away on business more often!"

Chad and Luke laughed.

I ran my hands through his dark wavy hair and kissed his lips. "Don't you dare do that! I've missed you so much!"

Still clinging to his body, his hands captured my ass nicely and gave it a good spanking as he nuzzled my neck. "God, I have missed you madly!"

"Was he good, Luke? You'd better tell me the truth or you'll have Chad to answer to!"

"Of course I was, poppet! I was a bloody saint. There's no one else but you!" Blake stated against my neck.

"He was good. I promise you!" Luke swore. Good, that was all I needed to hear.

"Babe—um, did you know Amelia Mendoza is dating Toby?"

He stilled. "Bloody hell, you're not serious?" How I wish I wasn't.

He gave me a quick kiss and placed me on the floor. Blake held my hand as we followed Chad and Luke towards the living room area. Luke found the bar and prepared everyone drinks.

"Might I also add that Lucy is here?" Chad plopped down next to me, taking my legs and placing them on his lap as I sat next to Blake.

Blake looked dumb-founded and he remained speechless. "Guess Toby didn't mention it either, huh?" I asked.

"This is utter rubbish! Where is he, anyhow?"

"The sad prick is probably in his bedroom shagging that twit of a Spanish whore!" Luce commented as she joined us. She was dressed in all black. Her clothes skimmed her beautiful body and she looked strikingly beautiful. _Take that, Toby!_ I thought spitefully.

"How are you feeling, Lucille?" Blake asked.

Ick. The boys only call Lucy by her Christian name when they're dead serious.

"The same old blasted way you felt when Kyle dropped off Sienna that morning." Luce snapped back.

_Feisty aren't we?_ I thought she took a nap?

"Okay...that was weird." I interjected as I turned to a frowning Blake and whispered, "I love you." There is no way my past shenanigans were going to be aired during Christmas time. Nope!

"I love you too. I can't wait until we're alone," he whispered in my ear.

Luke strolled over to us and handed us our drinks, red wine for Luce and I, cognac for Blake and Chad.

Luke sat next to Chad and cleared his throat. "So... the Alps looked wonderful from what I saw!" Luke remarked.

We all broke into laughter at his joke. It was dark outside and we knew that he didn't get the chance to see the beauty of it.

"Ah! You're the bes,t baby!" Chad cooed as he snuggled closely to Luke.

"What's with the laughing ruckus?" Toby strode in with a pouty Amelia.

I darted Amelia a nasty look. Chad gave her the very same one. But dear ole Luce, gave her a death stare.

_Yep!_ My sexy kitten is definitely pissed off as hell at both of them. I wished them luck. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Blake stood up. "Amelia. Toby, can I have a word in private, mate?" He addressed Toby. They both left the living room in silence. Luce waited for the library door to open and close before she spoke.

"He's in love with me; you know that, don't you?" Luce spat at her. Amelia merely smiled, clearly unfazed.

" _Who needs love?_ We don't need it to _enjoy_ each other." Oh, hell no!

"You filthy bloody whore, have you no shame at all? You saddle up to Blake and when rejected, you purposely went for his best friend to get a rouse out of him!" Luce pointed at her face, charged and accusing.

"Si, pero Toby wasn't hesitant. Blake's dynamite in bed—mi amor is very passionate, _si_?" Amelia looked enviously at me, "But Toby, he is very good too."

"What the hell! You don't get to speak about Blake like that, you stupid bitch!" I thundered.

Chad came to our rescue, "Ladies, ladies...calm the fuck down!"

# Chapter 63

### Blake

"Is it true, about you and Amelia?" Toby paced inside the softly-lit library.

"Yes. I'm quite surprised she didn't mention it!"

The ever conniving Amelia, I'm sure my friend didn't see it coming.

"Fuck! This is rather embarrassing, now isn't it? I wasn't informed that Luce was coming either. She's never going to consider me again! I'm royally fucked!" Toby gave a hollow laugh.

" _Or,_ we could have Amelia leave. Surely that would count for something?" I blatantly suggested.

"Right, I forgot she was the bearer of bad news of your doomed engagement with Camilla to Sienna."

I stilled. "I beg your pardon?"

Toby let out a roar. "Brilliant! I thought you knew about this rubbish!"

"Oh, pray tell, Watson, because I assure you that that woman is not going to leave unscathed!" Was she really the culprit of the early demise of my relationship with Sienna? If she was, I am going to ruin her and her family.

"Sienna was the one who mentioned it when she saw that Amelia was with me. She was livid. I was livid when Sienna said it. What a bloody cunning whore!" Toby cursed and stopped in his tracks.

_Indeed, my sentiments exactly_. She will pay for interfering with my life. The bloody turmoil she caused Sienna and I—she was going to feel my wrath; I'm going to make sure of it.

"She might have to stay here until after Christmas though. We don't have any means to send her home, unless we want to cause some aggravation. Your pilot is not here and either is my aunt's. We don't really have much of choice but to endure her presence."

He was right. It was, after all, the holiday season. I sighed. "We should get back." I capitulated.

I could've cared less that the damn woman was around, but the reason why I'm worried is because of Sienna. I didn't want to ruin anything for her. I haven't seen her in a while and I planned for her to be happy. Could it be plausible with the cloaking darkness of Amelia Mendoza hanging about?

The heavy, electric charged air in the living room shrouded everyone. Amelia sat on the bar as she gulped down a glass of cognac. I guess no one liked Amelia? I was simply amused.

Dinner was a somber, drab affair. Everyone was quiet except for Chad and Luke. The couple is somewhat fond of talking about celebrity gossip.

Amelia tried to thaw Toby's icy demeanor to no avail. I suppose I should feel contrite about her situation, but alas, all I could feel was a sense of ease.

"You don't like the braised duck?" I leaned over and asked Sienna, who sat next to me.

She beamed and my heart skidded. God, she's so gorgeous!

"I do, but I'm hungry for something else entirely," she whispered seductively. _Oh, the witch!_ She leaves me with my riotous imagination and a rock hard dick under the table.

She giggled at my stricken face.

"Just you wait until I ravish you, my beauty. I will be the one laughing as you call out 'Oh my God!' I must say, I really get turned on when you scream that. It rather brings out the beast in me, don't you agree?" My hot, soft voice whispered against her sensitive ear and she shivered as my hand trailed along her inner thigh. Even with sweat pants on, she felt my heated, urgent fingers, kneading and teasing her madly.

"Blake!" She screeched as my finger rubbed her crevice a tad hard. I merely laughed.

" _Mind_ sharing what's with the sexual tension between you two—hanky panky during dinner time, Blake?" Chad insinuated. Luke loudly choked on his wine. He covered his mouth with a napkin as he sputtered it out.

"Are you trying to choke your boyfriend to death, Chad?" I asked.

Chad merely gave me an innocent smile.

I cleared my throat, "I admit I'm rapacious and eager to have my girlfriend all to myself."

"How sweet," Amelia scornfully spoke.

"Indeed, she _is_ everything." I responded succinctly.

After dinner, we relaxed in the game room and chatted about, drinking and laughing. Amelia made an excuse of a splitting headache and headed into her own room. _Wise woman_ , I thought. Luce seriously hated the very sight of her.

Toby and Luke were playing pool and the rest of us gathered about the couch. My back faced Sienna as I sat in between her legs. She was giving my neck and shoulders a deep, kneading massage and I moaned like a sated, fat canine. The stress of meetings, dealing with ongoing problems, and travelling to different continents took a toll on me.

"How was your trip? Did everything go according to plan?"

"Mostly, there are still a few kinks to iron out," I sighed. My job required me to be ready and prepped at all ungodly hours, and I am utterly exhausted. I'm quite ready to make use of the bed upstairs with Sienna.

"Let me go shower and then I'll be ready for you." I kissed her quickly and went inside the bathroom.

Sienna looked rather sleepy, as did everyone else tonight. We did Toby's usual birthday gig and he was showered with presents. I got him a black Lamborghini—but could only give him the keys. Toby was ecstatic. Sienna alone got him six presents, Chad five and Luce got him three. Lucy's were with pure heartfelt sentiment. I hope those two hash it out. They look unhappy without each other!

When I came out of the shower, I strolled naked over to my sleeping beauty. I smiled as I slid beside her, pulled her against my chest and quickly fell asleep.

I was woken up by Sienna moaning and rocking me. I groaned as I clutched her hips and pushed her down, grinding her in hot rapid speed. It was quick animalistic sex at its purest form. I couldn't deny my wanton siren. "Blaaaake!" She sobbed, her pussy tightening and deliciously clenching my cock.

"Let go, my love."

"Baby, I love you," she screamed as her body started to quiver from her orgasm. I rolled her over and drilled into her hard for a minute or two before my climax shattered me into ecstasy.

I grabbed her face and kissed her hard, slowly nudging my cock in and out of her. "You're perfect; have I told you that, poppet?"

She gave me a chaste kiss and teasingly smiled. "Make love to me. I've missed you so much." She hooked both arms around my neck and kissed me. We savored each other, unhurried.

"I've barely started my love. Believe me, I plan on having my wicked way all night," I declared as I kissed her senseless and slowly made love to her.

# Chapter 64

### Sienna

The next day, all the guys and Amelia went out to ski while Luce and I decided to stay put and cook for Christmas Eve.

We were going all out with leg of lamb, honey baked ham, baked turkey, Austrian crescent small potatoes (buttered and flavored), Greek moussaka, spinach salad and as many side dishes as we could whip up. Luce and I love to cook; we are quite the ultimate chefs.

"What do you propose for dessert?" Luce asked as she chopped the celery rapidly.

"I was thinking along the lines of apple pie, chocolate tartufo, and strawberry panna cotta? Oooh, let's not forget gooey fudge brownies!"

"Splendid! Are you sure Claudette has all the ingredients?"

"Have you seen the stock room? IT HAS EVERYTHING we could dream of and then some!" I exclaimed in awe.

"That was smashing! Thank you Luce and Sienna, for the lovely, splendid meal!" Toby rubbed his belly and grinned widely.

"I don't know about you people but I think I have another spot for a spare tartufo!" Chad reached out for another ball of the chocolate ice cream dessert.

Blake and I shared our desserts on one plate. It's sickening how happy I am. I feel like I'm floating in La La Land all day with him beside me. _Can someone actually be this happy?_ I ridiculously wondered. Quite possibly, yes.

After dinner, Amelia excused herself with a migraine. Most of us ignored her dramatics and continued with our agenda for the night.

We were all hovered around the living room, exchanging presents.

Blake got everyone jewelry, including me. He got me a ten-carat diamond necklace and earring set, thirty carats all together. "Whoa, that's a lot of carats, thank you babe!" I grabbed his face and happily kissed him.

He got Luce a tennis bracelet. And diamond studded men's bracelets for Chad and Luke. They were all overjoyed.

And the rest passed along their presents next with childlike enthusiasm.

Chad handed out his presents to us and we all opened them in haste. Chad made each one of us a painting of ourselves—he altered it magnificently to capture us as he saw us through his eyes. He captured each of us in a happy moment, in our element. It was special.

"Oh, Chad, this is gorgeous! Thank you! _When did you find the time to do these?_ You're always so busy!"

"I always have time for my babies!" He gave us all flying kisses and he stood up. "I just want to take this minute to thank you all for everything...after what I've been through the last few months, each and every one of you were a pillar of strength that I couldn't have survived without.

"Sienna, I love you. You don't even understand the depth of my love for you. You're in 'here,' baby girl." He tapped his heart.

"I couldn't have done this without the mighty Knightly! Thank you with all of my heart. You make me soar seeing how you've made my baby love really happy.

"Lucy, without your sweet sarcastic tongue, I would be lost in a very dull world. I love you very much.

"And to my dearest dapper, Toby, the times you were there for me are some of the sweetest memories that I will forever treasure and never forget. Although during those times—how I wished you were gay, HA!" We all laughed at that. Chad and his sense of humor!

"And lastly, I want to thank you, Luke. You came as a bittersweet surprise when I was at my lowest, thank you. Merry Christmas everyone!" Chad screamed and danced about.

Everyone opened my presents to them at the same time with synchronized "ahhhs" and "ooohs." I got them all watches and I must say, I won't be tapping into my bank account anytime soon. They cost me a pretty penny.

" **Poppet, you didn't!!!!** " Blake announced in disbelief and whistled.

"Show it to us, beeotch!" Chad urged on.

Blake showed it to them. "Is that _the_ over a million bucks, Patek Phillips Sky Moon watch?" Chad's eyes bugged out. Toby laughed.

" _It is!_ But you shouldn't have. I don't want you spending your money on me!"

I gently smacked his head with an empty box. "You're joking right? You gave me a pricey present as well. _Stop it!_ I want to spoil you too! I even got it engraved."

He turned it over and read it out loud, " _Keep me with you, always. SR._ " His finger traced the engraving.

"I just thought you should have something to remember me by when you're away on business. Everyone checks the time every hour or so, right? I wanted you to remember me every time you do."

"I do though, even without the watch, poppet. I couldn't drive you away from my thoughts even if The Queen of England asked it of me." He chuckled as he captured my lips.

It was past three in the morning when we all retired to our bedrooms. I had just finished taking a shower when I found Blake beside the bedroom fireplace studying it mindlessly.

I strode towards him and sat on his lap with my terry robe on. "What are you thinking about, babe?"

Blake took my hand and made rhythmic circles on my palm. "Thank you—for your present—for everything, Sienna." His spell-binding eyes glowed and danced against the flames. "I've never felt complete until I found you and I hope you feel the same as I do." He pulled something out of his pocket.

My breath caught.

It was the engagement ring.

_My engagement ring, as a necklace!_

"I wanted you to have it. I suppose something to remember me by—of my profound commitment and my ceaseless love for you. I would marry you right now if I could—but I know you're not ready. I want this as a token of a reminder—an indication if you please—for you to wear it on your finger when you're ready to give me that kind of everlasting devotion."

"Blake..." I was getting choked up.

_Holy shit, he's really serious about marrying me._

He unlatched the clasp and I pulled my long hair aside as he draped it around my neck. The huge yellow diamond sat on my chest. It could be easily hidden if I didn't wear any revealing clothing.

"It looks beautiful, but I know it'll look even grander on your ring finger!" He laughed and kissed me. "Baby steps, as you said months ago. It's my line now."

I giggled, "Knightly, please shut your mouth and kiss me!"

"Hear, hear, my Christmas almost-fiancé!"

# Chapter 65

### Blake

"Grandfather," I greeted William with a tight hug.

"How are you my child? Are you ready to take on my empire, huh?" William chuckled lightly as he took in all of the invited guests and the exquisite Parisian décor at The Savoy.

I'm sure he was quite relieved to hand the company over to me. If my father hadn't died, William would've retired ten years ago. He was eighty years old but he was still robust, quick-witted and sharp as they come.

"May I introduce Sienna, my girlfriend? You met her ages ago but we weren't an item then."

"Ah, yes! You're the woman who my grandchild abandoned his betrothed for, I suppose? All is well I do hope?" William asked and Sienna looked nervous.

"Really now, William, this isn't the time or the place to be rude!" I excused us both. _Not once did the old man voice his opinion about my broken arrangement with the Clayworth's, and now he dares to bring it up around Sienna?_

"William is going to give his speech in ten minutes and you will be going right after. There are a few potential business partners from Brazil who want to speak with you in the mean time." Luke cornered us and barked out orders.

Bloody hell!

"Are you going to be okay while I talk business with a few lads, poppet?" She smiled encouragingly and said she'd look for Chad and Luce. I gave her a quick kiss and left her to her own devices. I hoped she would find Chad or Lucy somewhere before the men tried to clamor after her.

She looked radiantly stunning with a bareback, emerald green, silk dress. She had her hair piled up and she looked so perfect. Someday, she is going to wear my ring and will carry my last name. How does Sienna Knightly sound? Not bloody bad, me thinks.

I smiled as I thought about how the vacation in Courchevel unfolded. Chad got engaged to Luke. Who would have thought that the bugger was going to beat me to the altar first?

To be quite honest, I was relieved that Chad had finally found happiness. He seemed more secure now and his confidence was back. His parents should be ashamed of what they caused their child to go through.

# Chapter 66

### sienna

I came out of the gala and walked around the lobby. It seems William Knightly hates me. I shuddered at his biting comment.

I wandered around for another ten minutes and decided to head towards the bar.

"Excuse me, madam. A Mr. Blake Knightly wishes to speak with you this instant. He's waiting for you at the stairway." A stern looking English man said.

"Okay, will you show me the way? I don't know where it is."

He nodded and guided me to the hall where he pointed at a black metallic door that led to the stairway.

I graciously thanked him with a smile before I strolled towards the door.

Once I opened the door, I realized it was pitch black. I started to back track, but someone yanked my arm and pulled me inside the darkened space before I had the chance to leave.

I screeched. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

" _You filthy whore!_ " The woman screamed as she threw me down the stairs.

It all happened in an instant.

I barely registered that I was being pushed off. The first impact on my head made me scream. But after a few thuds, I blacked out.

# Chapter 67

### blake

After four days in the hospital, Sienna finally woke up.

"Wha-t hap-pened?" She groaned, a tad confused.

The sight of her on the hospital bed, hurt and so fragile, made my gut churn with apprehension. I hated those who attempted to kill her and the gargantuan disappointment that filled me because I simply failed at protecting her.

"You were found lifeless after a fall down a flight of stairs. What were you doing in the stairway, Sienna? Who did this to you?"

"I...don't know, Blake. She pulled me out of nowhere and threw me down." I tensed.

_Someone was trying to hurt her, kill her even?_ That didn't make sense.

"Did you get a chance to get a peek at her?"

She shook her head. "Although, she was a woman—a very angry one—she called me a 'filthy whore' to be exact." She frowned as she rubbed her head. "Everything hurts!" she howled in pain.

I called for a nurse to give her some more medication as I reeled from her story.

"Hang in there, my love. I'm sorry I failed to protect you." My throat tightened as I said the words. It was my fault. This was all entirely my fault. If I had not been under all the jolly merry holiday haze, my mind would have been working properly.

"Don't be silly. This is not your fault, babe. Don't blame yourself, please."

I kissed her forehead and held her hand. Apart from a slight concussion and a few cracked ribs, Sienna was okay.

"I love you, Sienna. You don't know how much it breaks me that I failed you."

Sienna tried to slap my hand, but she was too weak to do so. "And I love you, Blake. Please, do me a favor and stop blaming yourself, okay?" She asked weakly.

I merely nodded because what she was asking for will never happen. For the rest of my life, I will bear this cross of failure.

After half an hour, the gang came to join us. I hadn't left her side since she was admitted. I don't plan on leaving until she is discharged. I felt guilty for letting her convince me to give Gareth the night off. She argued that my two security details were enough for us. She even said that she didn't need protection, because when she's with me, she's never felt more secure and safe. Obviously, her security was not on top of my list that night or she wouldn't be in this situation. If I hadn't been so busy...then she wouldn't have been hurt and bruised. I feel gutted every time I look at her.

"How are you feeling, baby love?" Chad leaned over and gave Sienna a kiss on the forehead.

She grumbled. "I've been better."

"Are there any suspects?" Luce asked me and I shook my head. I had security look at the security tapes, but the cameras were covered in spray paint. I had the head of my security team, Simon Wickers, working with the team of investigators I hired after the accident.

So far, there were no leads. The waiter that approached Sienna was only handed a note by someone who was conveniently blocked from the camera. But he described him as a dark male, possibly around his early thirties and had a cockney accent. We had a rough sketch of him thanks to the waiter's description but there was no match in the database.

It was a dead end.

The perpetrator planned it out perfectly, to the last detail. But I won't have it. I will have each and every single person who came through those hotel doors checked out.

I won't let these people get away.

There will be hell to pay for the woman who hurt her and the man who handed the waiter the note!

I will hunt them down until my dying breath!

Get The Book Set Two: Chasing Paradise, Chasing Forever & Chasing Mrs. Knightly.

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# Afterword

**Note to readers:**

For the past few years, the news have been flooded with our youth attempting and committing suicide due to **bullying** and other types of abuse that caused these disheartened people to end their lives. **Please** , if you know someone that needs help, never hesitate to lend a hand.

**Suicide Hotline: National Suicide Hotlines USA United States of America**

Toll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK

1.800.784.2433 1.800.273.8255

**Drug and Alcohol Addiction Helpline and Treatment:**

1-800-234-0420

**Help** with abuse for **G** ay, **L** esbian, **B** isexual and **T** ransgender Community

Website: ******www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org**

**GLBT National Hotline GLBT National YOUTH TALKLINE**

1.888.843.4564 1.800.246.PRIDE (7743)

If you know a child who is being abused (mentally or physically) please don't hesitate to reach out to the helpless child.

**Child Abuse:**

**ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline:** 800-4-A-CHILD (422.4453) or 800.2.A.CHILD (222.4453, TDD for hearing impaired).

Provides multilingual crisis intervention and professional counseling on child abuse. Gives referrals to local social service groups offering counseling on child abuse. Operates 24 hours, seven days a week.

# Acknowledgments

To my mother, Joji, I just want to take this opportunity to tell you that you're the best mom ever! You're the solid foundation that glues all of us together. Without your love, lifelong sacrifices, and constant guidance, I would've been a continuous drifter. I am forever grateful for your undying love and support!

To the rest of my family, thank you for your love and patience!

To my friend, Afnan Ghani, thank you for reading my novels. I know being a mom is crazy hard and yet you find the time to read my work and critique it. You're the best gal evah!

To my dear, longtime friend, Farrah Kurita in Japan, thank you for being my go-to person when I need someone to review my work! You're the bestest ever!

Cami Hesnault, thank you for taking the time to read and review my books! You're awesome! Thank you!

To all Goodreads fans, thank you for all the reviews and feedbacks. I learn and grow from all your honest views/opinions. THANK YOU ALL!

And to the rest of the readers, thank you for the continuing love and support!

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# The Chasing Diaries

(A Novella)
**Pamela Ann**

Copyright © 2013 by Pamela Ann

All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Interior book design by

Bob Houston eBook Formatting
**"Not one word, not one gesture of yours shall I, could I, ever forget..."**

* * *

**-Leo Tolstoy, _Anna Karenina_**

# My heart for yours

I heard a light knock on the door and I spun around to find Kyle leaning against the doorframe, looking glum. His dark, fuck-me hair all over the place, making him look simply hot. He was wearing his signature wife-beater and beat-up jeans, his muscles defined and sculpted. His rather handsome face had that glum look, though. He's been sporting that look ever since I told him I was going to study abroad.

It hurt me to see him like this, but I had to leave. I can't be around this house. I was living in the home of my late father's sister, and I couldn't do it anymore. I just needed to get away and lead a new life.

"Close the door and come here, Matthews," I ordered him. Sighing, he finally did as I asked. Kyle sat on the foot of my bed and I took his face in my hands, pulling his gaze to my own. "I'm leaving in two days. Please don't be like this. You know how hard this is for me, but you know that I have to."

* * *

Kyle closed his eyes and rested his face on my stomach. "I don't know how I'm going to live without you, Si. It's always been you and me against the world. How the hell am I going to function without you by my side?"

I honestly didn't know how he would, but I knew he must try. I just needed a few years out of the country to study, and then I planned to be back here again, with him. For Kyle Matthews was my future. I couldn't picture my life without him.

I simply just couldn't.

Pushing his head away from my tummy, I straddled his lap and kissed him. I kissed him like I couldn't get enough of him because I really couldn't. Kyle was the only man I had ever loved, the only man I had ever been intimate with and I did not plan to change that.

"I love you. I don't have to tell you that I do. I will be back for you... _for us_. You're still planning to marry me someday, right? You can't back out now because I'm going to keep your heart hostage. I'm never returning it." I smiled at the man who was starting to look happy again.

Kyle's hands skimmed the sides of my hips. "Bring all of your things back to my house. I want to spend each and every single second with you and _in_ you," he whispered in my ear as his hands went inside my shirt, inside my bra. I gasped when his finger brushed my nipple.

I shivered.

Hell yeah, I wanted to spend the next two nights with him. "Yes, I thought you'd never ask."

I moaned when he pinched my nipple. For two years, Kyle's touch had affected me like it's the first time every time he's touched me. I tried to move away from him, but his other hand held me down.

"I want to have your amazing body first, baby. I need to be inside you. NOW," Kyle spoke before he bit into my neck.

_Oh my God, yes_ , I thought deliriously.

FUCK!

My hands found his hair and I pulled it before directing his lips to seal with mine. Within seconds he lifted me off and I was on my back. Whilst kissing, he used both hands to tug my leggings off along with my thong.

We both groaned in unison when his fingers opened my wet folds. My body arched when he inserted two fingers inside me.

Shit, _I wanted him_... BAD.

"Promise me that no one else gets to touch this, Sienna? I want to be the only man to claim this body. Just me and no other man." Kyle's voice was full of passion, yet it was tinged with seriousness, too; what he wanted to convey was evident.

_Was he serious?_ I didn't plan on cheating on him. I loved him, how could he even ask this? It was ridiculous and totally irrelevant.

"Kyle, you know that you're _it_ for me. You'll be my first and my last with no one in between." Not waiting for him to reply, I grabbed his jeans and unfastened them.

_No more talking, buster._

My fingers were going crazy, searching him out, as I held my breath until my hand finally found his hard shaft; he hissed when my hold tightened around his girth. I stroked him, slowly and then hard. "I need you now—fuck me now, please!"

With one hard thrust, he slid into me, filling me gloriously. "Baby, I love how tight you are. No one will ever compare." Kyle kissed me, desperately, hungrily, like it was the last time he would ever have the chance.

I matched his passion, kissing him while I lifted my hips to meet his hard pounding.

"You're mine, Sienna. You're the one," he muttered, his gaze burning me as he came inside me.

Before Kyle took my virginity, we agreed that I would be on birth control. He'd said he wanted to love me without restrictions. I had agreed.

As promised, Kyle never left my side over the next two days. We shared showers and we made love as much as we could, which happened a lot. I don't think I've ever had that much sex in my life. It was crazy.

It was two in the morning before we stopped; I was to leave in the next ten hours. We were in his bed, holding each other, naked, as we talked about our future together. We used to do this a lot, but now, it's different. Tonight, we were really making a promise to each other.

"How many children would you want someday?" Kyle asked out of the blue. We had just made love for the fifth time. He just kept on touching me and I lavished each touch he gave.

I would certainly miss him. My heart ached for both of us.

"I did tell you I want a few," I responded while I kissed his scruffy jaw. He chuckled softly.

"Yes, you did. Maybe after you get back from London, we can get married then? Would that be enough time for you?" He eyed me with love and sincerity.

"I would love to marry you right now, Matthews, but you told me you want to wait. So, yes, four years can't come soon enough."

Kyle softly caressed my collarbone. "I know you do, baby, but I need to figure things out, you know? I want to be stable and, at the same time, you need to figure things out, too. You'll be twenty-three; you sure you won't want to change your mind by then?"

Like that would really happen! I didn't want anyone else.

"Hell, yes! I would love to be Mrs. Matthews!"

I squealed when he nipped my neck. "Well then, Ms. Richards, will you do me the honor of becoming my future Mrs. Matthews?"

When Kyle rolled me on my back and parted my legs, I moaned my " _yes"_ as he entered me again and again.

That last night we had was bittersweet. I was excited to leave; however, my heart broke to see him so downcast and melancholy. I was hopeful, though, because nothing would _ever_ break us apart.

_Our unmistakable bond and love was forever..._

# My heart stopped beating

Six weeks later...

"Are you quite ready to leave, love?" Lucy peaked through the small crack on the door.

"Yes, give me a minute, and then I'll be right out!" I shot back.

I had barely just moved in a few days ago when I met her through a party and we'd hit it off almost immediately, so, when she mentioned she needed a roommate, I jumped on the chance.

Student housing was great, but I needed more space and privacy. This apartment was utterly perfect!

We were about to head out to Toby's (who I met once)—party in Knightsbridge. Toby and Lucy were dating and madly in love at that!

The winter in London was brutal—compared to LA, of course—so I opted to wear black. I wore black jeans, boots, and cashmere sweater and did my make-up in the same shade.

When we finally managed to get out of our apartment building in Covent Garden, Luce instantly hailed a cab. I decided to text Kyle during the ride.

**_Me:_ **_Baby, how's your day going? Your dad's not giving you a tough time, I hope? Can't stop thinking about you :) Miss your kisses!_

When my phone beeped almost immediately, I rushed to open it. I have missed Kyle. I even cried once because I missed him like crazy, but I was determined to stay here. I needed to stay here and be on my own.

**_Kyle:_** _I can't stop thinking about you either, Si. Trust me when I tell you that you're the first thing that enters my head when I wake up in the morning (you and your irresistible body). I feel so lost without you with me. I love you. What have you been up to?_

His message made me smile like an idiot. _I better be the first thing he thinks about in the morning!_ If he jacks off thinking about another woman, I will kick his balls!

**_Me:_** _On my way to Toby's house party (Lucy's Man). I love you, Kyle Matthews!_

**_Kyle:_** _If any man approaches you, tell him that you're taken, 'kay? The thought of you talking to other guys and flirting makes me ill. Fuck! I hate this! Come back to me._

Now, he's just overreacting. Me? _Flirt?_ Right, so not funny.

**_Me:_** _I am yours... now, I have to go. We're here. Tell your parents that I said hi!_

When we got to Toby's apartment, he was all smiles. I supposed he was drunk already because his cheeks were flushed and his blue eyes were all on Lucy. He's so in love with her! I grinned when I looked at them. They honestly reminded me of Kyle and me.

Lucy introduced me to a lot of people that they went to school with and they were all nice, welcoming me to London. A few men even offered to take me around and show me the real city, but I graciously declined. When they asked if I was in a relationship, I didn't even hesitate to tell them that yes, I am and quite happy too.

Lucy and I were getting more wine when I first noticed a man watching me with such scary intensity. When our gazes clashed across the room, I kid you not, I felt the whole apartment shrink and it was only him I saw. Those eyes held me in such a trance I felt dizzy. My body became alert like it had been called by its owner. My senses were heightened and my entire body prickled. Even from a distance, I knew his eyes were unique. He was tall, broad, but even with his gray cashmere sweater, his muscles were evident.

_Good God!_ I had never seen such male perfection. He simply took my breath away... _in a heartbeat_... merely with a searing, burning look.

I heard Lucy clear her throat beside me. "That's Blake Knightly, Toby's best friend. Fascinating specimen, is he not? Women chase him for his looks alone. Sprinkle in a dash of the multi-billion dollar empire of his grandfather's that he will soon inherit and women flock, dying to get his attention."

So, this Blake Knightly, who was still staring at me unnervingly, was the epitome of perfection with a blockade of women about. Got it.

"And he can't seem to stop staring at you, love. He must want you! Good luck saying no to that man." Lucy throatily laughed while her words sunk in.

"I'm with Kyle. Hot, rich men will not change my mind." Lucy beamed at me.

Even if the temptation looked like a fucking force to be reckoned with. Even if one searing look alone was enough to make me incoherent. Even if he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

"Let's hope so because I have known these guys for a while. I've known them before I even started dating Toby and, let me tell you, that if Blake _wants_ something, he will never stop until he gets it." I just nodded before I took a long sip of my wine.

When I glanced back at him, I saw Toby talking to him in a hushed manner. His beautiful face frowned while Toby held his attention. I watched as his frown turned into a scowl before he lifted his eyes and they clashed with mine again. My heart pounded and galloped like no other.

God, why did he affect me so much? I'd never even met him.

When I saw Toby and Blake Knightly crossing the room, heading towards us, my heart literally stopped beating. I had to put my glass down on the counter because I didn't trust myself holding on to the thin stem without my hand shaking or having it spill on the floor.

"Sienna Richards, meet Blake Knightly, a dear friend of mine," Toby said before he went over to Lucy and pulled her aside, making out like crazy. I watched as he dragged her into another room.

I was left to my own devices, alone with this man who was staring at me, confused and at the same time awed. To say that I was disconcerted was an understatement.

I was mystified.

I couldn't even look at him directly, so it was almost a surprise when he spoke, "Enjoying your time in London so far, Sienna?"

_Fuck._ What the hell? That voice. I think I just creamed in my underwear.

"London's great. I really like it here." And I did. It was the total opposite of LA. I loved the arts and the chaotic craziness of the city itself.

Still his eyes penetrated, I was hesitant to gaze back at him... especially _this_ close to him. His next question took me aback.

"How come your boyfriend let you study in a different country? I found that a tad baffling." That question did it. Why would Toby tell him that I was with someone? Why would they even talk about me to begin with? That's just weird.

I was about to answer him when our eyes clashed again for the third time.

Wrong move.

I sucked in my breath as we stared at each other. Waves of electricity ran through my body. Midnight blue, rimmed with silver with gold bursts met me.

FUCK.

Holy, shitcakes.

_Those eyes..._ I was captivated and I simply lost any thoughts as I swam in those mesmerizing pools of beauty.

"Sienna?" Blake asked with a breathtaking smile, clearly amused at my speechless state.

I blinked back a few times. "Sorry?"

"I was asking you a question, but it seems that you clearly did not hear me. I do wonder what was occupying your thoughts. Mind sharing it?"

Not really. Surely, I'm not the only woman who acts like a complete ninny around this man? He was just too much for any woman senses.

I blushed, beet red from head-to-foot. Seriously, why did I have to embarrass myself the first time I met him? Ugh!

"I, _uh_ , well you're, uh... I didn't expect to find your eyes to be so, _um..._ " I trailed off when he arched his brow. _Hell_ , just fucking hell. "They're very unique."

That stupid answer made him smile at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. "You can stare at them for as long as you want. I don't mind the attention."

WTF! "No thanks, I'm not hitting on you. I'm with someone."

"I really do not understand the bloody term 'hitting on you', but yes, I do know that you're with someone. Does he make you happy?" Odd question to ask someone you just met.

Kyle. I totally forgot about him for the first time in a few hours. Surely, that's a bad sign?

"Yes, Kyle's amazing! He's my childhood best friend, but we started dating only a couple of years back, and it's been marvelous. He's a great man."

Blake nodded and murmured, "Quite the lucky man this Kyle."

Since I had no response to that, I just resorted back to finishing my entire glass of wine. I was more than relieved when Lucy and Toby came out of the other room that appears to have been a bedroom by the flushed looks and all the smiles.

Ha. _Those two_... all they did was make goo-goo eyes at each other all night.

After an hour of chitchat, I became comfortable in Blake's presence. When he started to crack jokes, I warmed to him even more.

That was the beginning of our friendship.

We actually had a lot in common and he was quite happy about that. Seeing the comfortable side of him was much better than the smoldering side, for sure. I was less intimidated.

When he offered to take me around sightseeing, I didn't even hesitate to say 'yes'. We agreed to do it in two weeks time since he's busy with his grandfather's company.

When I mentioned it to Kyle, he seemed pissed off that I was friends with a guy, but he somewhat conceded when I told him that Blake has a lot of women and that he didn't see me that way.

I have seen a couple of the women in the two weeks since meeting Blake, too. When all four of us had gone out to eat, he always managed to bring a date with him and the women he consorted himself with—gorgeous doesn't even cover it because they were almost perfect. Blake goes for perfection and I am not in that category. After a week of convincing Kyle that Blake was simply a friend, he finally accepted it, reluctantly.

Blake and Toby were always in the apartment. There were times when I came out in the morning and all three would be having breakfast. Having people to trust and just be comfortable with, it felt like my little family, and I loved it. I also noted how Blake made me a perfect cup of coffee. He's such a gentleman.

So, when that day rolled in for us to go sight-seeing, I was excited to hang out with him.

I made a quick dash to the mirror and checked my appearance. Yes, I looked like I could do some walking in the cold chilly air. When I came out of the building, I halted when I found Blake leaning against his black Vanquish. To be quite honest, _each_ time I see him, I always get like this. Like he's all I see... I guess because he's just so fucking HOT. The list goes on from there...

"Ready, milady?" Blake grinned at me while his eyes twinkled.

_Sigh, could he be any sexier?_ I am crushing on Blake so badly, but that's my secret and not one I would share. Imagine if Blake ever found out? I could see him teasing me, amused and all.

No, thanks.

I gave him a shy smile since my thoughts were really not appropriate and especially since I've been in love with another man. "Yep, how long have you been waiting?" Blake's smile vanished.

His voice was serious and husky when he spoke. "A bit, but I don't mind waiting. Some things are worth waiting for." I looked at him weird. His response did not make sense whatsoever. Instead of clarifying that, he just ushered me inside his car.

"Where are we heading?" I asked him as he maneuvered the car and joined London traffic.

Blake cocked his head sideways and winked at me. "You'll see."

Shit, fuck, shit. Stop making me blush damn it!

Not wanting to dwell on my stupid thoughts, I turned on the radio. After thirty minutes or so, we were somewhere around the airport.

_Okay..._

I tensed. "What are we doing _in_ Gatwick?" He just smiled at me again.

"Blake?" I questioned, but he ignored me and swiftly parked the car in the garage. Once done, he opened the door. Before he rounded mine to open it, I did it myself.

"It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises!" I exclaimed. Where the hell is he taking me?

"Come on, Miss Pouty. Your jet awaits." Blake ushered me towards the gates.

_Jet_ , what jet?

Blake handed two passports to the security people while I stared at him, shocked. Once they let us through, I glared at him. "You stole my passport!"

He chuckled. "No, I borrowed it. There's a big difference, my sweet." We went through another set of doors and into a private concierge area. From there, someone waited to greet us named Bart.

Okay, even if I was a little weirded out about everything, I must admit that I was impressed with the kind of power Blake held. The fucking man commanded power and everyone just seemed to bow to him. Must be nice to lead that kind of life...

Bart ushered us to a private jet and bid us a good afternoon. Inside, two pretty stewardesses greeted us and then the two pilots spoke to Blake for a bit. I didn't speak until we were both seated across from each other.

"Where are you taking me, Blake? You promised to take me sight-seeing!"

Those dynamic eyes were amused as they twinkled. "I am taking you sight-seeing in _Paris_. When you agreed to let me take you, you never once asked _where_."

"God, don't you do anything in small measures?" I was back to glaring at him again. Although, I was excited to see Paris for the first time, I wasn't going to let him get off the hook that easily.

When the pilot announced to get ready for take-off, we didn't resume talking until the stewardess, Ellie, finished serving us food and refreshments.

"Tell me, Sienna, do I look like the kind of man that does things in small measures?" Hell-to-the-fucking-no.

I threw a grape at him. "Can you stop being so amused?" Why was he so damn happy, anyway? Fuck, Kyle will murder me if he finds out about this.

Blake held my gaze and spoke, "I can't help provoking you when you look simply and utterly beautiful as you glare and blush like that."

Before I managed to even respond, he started on the food that was before us. I murmured my thanks when he gave me coffee. In between bites of Belgian waffles, I asked, "The woman that you're seeing at the moment... is she okay that you're taking me out of the country?"

Blake shrugged and took a sip of his beverage. "Why should she? And besides, you're a friend, there's nothing for her to be jealous of."

Right, we were after all _that—_ friends.

When we landed in Paris, I was crazily psyched. "Welcome to the city of lights and the city of love," he exclaimed with such enthusiasm.

Blake was the best guide I could ask for. We went to a few places, but I got too distracted to be interested because there were too many pastry shops. Each time we passed by one, my body walked forth, but my nose stayed and lingered, smelling the damning, delicious aromas. Of course, Blake obliged me. He seemed to have a weakness for sweets as well. So that worked out perfectly.

He was funny and spoke in fluent French. Yeah, that was something to behold. He was quite breathtaking. I guess some people were just born perfect?

Before midnight, we were back in Charles de Gaulle airport to go back to London. "Blake, thank you for today... I know I was a little bitchy in the beginning... but you made me really happy. I can't thank you enough." I leaned over and kissed his cheek before I went back to my own chair.

"I am quite glad that today made you happy. That was my goal, nothing more. Why don't you go rest awhile? I'll wake you up before we land."

I murmured my thanks before I closed my eyes.

Today was rather eventful and I was weary and exhausted.

Paris, I will never forget you.

# Building Friendships...

Christmas

"God, this is amazing Toby! Thank you for inviting me to join you guys!" I was awed at the sight of the powdery slopes of the French Alps. We were staying in a chalet owned by Toby's aunt and it was beyond beautiful.

All four of us were on the slopes all day. While Toby and Blake went hardcore, Lucy and I just did a few decent runs. She and I chatted on and on about everything... asking about Kyle and why wasn't I with him. Christmas was a sensitive subject for me. Since I don't have my parents, Christmas is the most depressing time of the year for me. I remembered telling Kyle that I was not flying back... he wasn't pleased... at all.

"Sienna, for the love of God, come back home! You know I can't fly out there. Christmas is busy for us with all these artists releasing albums. Don't do this baby, please, be with me." Kyle huffed out a painful sigh.

"I already told the guys that I was joining them in France. I'm sorry, but you know how I feel about Christmas. Why can't you just fly out here for a few days? I will make it worth your while. Everyone would be delighted to meet you."

I heard him groan on the other end. It took him a few minutes before he spoke again. "I can't, Si. It's impossible."

"I'm sorry."

"Si, are you sure you don't want to come home because you don't want to see me? It seems that you're doing good without me. If you want to let me go, just say so. Just don't make me feel like shit, Si."

"Baby, I love you. I'm in love with you. Don't do this. I miss you, too—like crazy—but I can't go home. I just can't right now. You know my situation, babe. I can't go back, yet." I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. LA has a lot of bad memories for me. I can't go back, not yet.

"I'm sorry, baby. You're right. I do understand. I'm just being selfish. I just miss you, that's all." I bit my lip as I listened to his pained voice.

"I love you, Kyle."

"I love you, too, Si. More than you'll ever know."

That night, when Lucy and Toby decided to turn in early, Blake asked me to meet him out on the chalet deck. When I did, I was surprised to find that he had the fireplace going and a couch that was pushed almost to the wood railing with comforters.

I looked at Blake, confused. "I was wondering if you're up for stargazing? The sky is clear and the stars are out. I was hoping that you might like that."

Oh.

How fucking romantic is this? Well, maybe not romantic since we're only friends and all...

"Sure, Knightly. I'll keep you company." I strode over to the couch as he handed me my own blanket. "Let me warn you, though, I don't know much about stars."

He merely laughed. "Well then, I will gladly educate you. You're quite lucky to have such an accomplished and knowledgeable companion."

Of course, I forgot that this dude was fucking smart, too. He seemed to just excel in everything. It's annoying and, at the same time, I couldn't help admiring his sharp mind. On top of that, he had such a passionate nature. Blake told me it's because of his half-Italian heritage. I thought, _he's right on that score_. Italians are quite passionate beings.

And so, we sat and huddled with our respective wool-checkered blankets while we stargazed.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" I asked Blake out of the blue. I looked at him sideways and waited for his answer.

When his eyes met mine, he studied me for a minute. The fire from the outdoor fireplace made his eyes dance with such spell-binding power, I felt like I was being hypnotized. Those eyes were arresting me as he probed and searched my golden depths. "Yes, I do believe in love at first sight."

Seriously?

_Blake Knightly?_ Huh.

I was beyond piqued. "How can you believe in such a connection of souls? You can't seem to stay in one relationship for more than a few weeks... _Or_... maybe you have... _but what happened?_ "

Without breaking eye contact, he responded, "Well, I think it's close to love at first sight. I knew when I first saw her that my life had changed in that instant. Something altered for me and I wasn't the same man before I met her. However, she's with someone else and very much in love with him."

His answer took me aback for a second. "Oh, that must suck. I'm sorry. So, this woman, she just... didn't care for you... _at all?_ "

Blake merely shook his handsome head. "I didn't tell her, of course."

"But why? If you love her... you're not going to fight for her?" How could a person love someone and not fight for that? I just didn't get it.

"You must understand that some circumstances are just meant to be that way. One cannot force something such as love to be an easy one. Do I wish to have her in my arms? Without a doubt, I do wish it, more than anything. Maybe the timing is wrong, who really knows?"

I gave him a quick hug and smiled brightly at him. "Maybe one day, you will get to be with her. You never know." I wanted him to have his happily ever after.

Blake held my hand and squeezed it. "Maybe one day, but once I do get to have her, I will not let her go."

When we reverted back to studying the stars and, while he explained to me which one was Cassiopeia, my thoughts lingered to what we discussed a few minutes ago... I wondered how it would feel to have such a compelling man like Blake want you like no other...

For the first time in my life, I imagined being with another man, one that wasn't Kyle Matthews.

# Is that doubt I feel?

Four months later...

"A _re you about done_ , Sienna? Might I remind you that I have been waiting for _quite_ some time now?" Blake called out from the living room.

We'd agreed that we _always_ have to watch The Game of Thrones episodes together. He's out there waiting, but I seemed to not want to move out of my bedroom.

Kyle had been ignoring my calls again.

This had been a constant thing as of late. I was beyond worried, but a tad reluctant to ask if he and I were still okay. I kept telling myself that there's nothing to worry about. Kyle loves me. It's as simple as that.

I knew for the last few months I had been too busy to call him back and the time difference just totally sucked. I knew he's mad, but he couldn't just ignore my calls. He knew it hurt me when he did.

Sighing, I tried to dial his number again to no avail. Instead this time, I opted to leave a message. " _Hey, it's me. I'm sorry if I haven't been good with keeping up with our phone calls and all... but please don't ignore me. Even if I'm busy, I never fail to think about you. I just want to tell you that I miss you very much. Call me, please? I love you, Kyle."_

* * *

Sighing again, I dropped the phone on my side table while I stared at it for a while. I looked up when someone knocked on my door.

It was Blake.

"What's wrong, poppet?" Blake asked before he strode inside and sat next to me.

Poppet? He's called me a lot of nicknames, but it seemed poppet was his favorite. He and I had been building a great friendship for the last six months. I don't know why he liked to chill with me. Blake Knightly was just too cool and too handsome to be doing so. Yeah, he gets admirers... like gazillions of them.

Last week, a woman, whose name escapes me, called me out of the blue to ask for help. She wanted me to help her get Blake back. _Ugh, psycho much?_ She said she went through Blake's contact list and knew that I was close to him. I told her that she should get her own man without my help. I felt bad when she started crying, but _what the hell?_ How in the world would I force Blake _fucking_ Knightly, of all men, to do something that he didn't want to do? It's inconceivable.

I mentally shook my head and focused on Blake's present question. "It's Kyle. He seems to be ignoring my calls lately. He knows it hurts me, but he keeps on doing it. I don't get that? Do you think... he's—" I halted. No, Kyle would never leave me. We were _it_. We made promises. "He's just probably busy, right? There's no point of me freaking out over something so stupid."

"That's possible. However, if you're asking from a man's point-of-view, a man only ignores a woman when he doesn't want to talk, he's done with you _or_ he's just really busy."

Three selections? I'm picking the latter. He's busy; nothing more, nothing less.

Not wanting to speak about it any longer, we finally managed to watch our episode, but I was distracted the whole time.

# My heart chases the beat of the drum...

Weeks later...

I did it! I finally bought the ticket, and I will be seeing my boyfriend in a month's time. It was a surprise and I couldn't help feeling happy as I imagined his reaction when he saw me for the first time after almost nine months of separation. He's going to go crazy and love me even more!

I jumped on my bed and answered my ringing phone with enthusiasm.

"Baby! I've missed you!" I said to Kyle.

He was quiet and it took him a while to respond.

Odd.

"Sienna... I've been seeing someone else for the past couple of months or so. I didn't know how to tell you, but now I kind of have to since it's getting, you know, serious," Kyle said in a brushed off manner.

I gasped as my eyes started to tear. In a wobbly voice, I spoke, "What do you mean for the past couple of months? You've been _cheating_? And you failed to mention this _to me_?"

"I'm sorry, but it's done. I'm with her now, Si. I haven't seen you in months and I just kind of miss being with someone—"

"Fuck off, Kyle. Don't call me ever again. Bye!"

Dropping my phone on the floor, I curled up in a ball. And cried... and cried...

How could he do this to me? After what he and I had gone through... especially after what I had gone through? He promised to never hurt me, but he lied. Kyle lied to me.

Of all the men, Kyle was the constant one in my life. He was my life raft. My go-to person... he was my hero. He was the one who used to save me from my turbulent home.

He cheated.

_My Kyle_ cheated on me.

I didn't leave the room until the night after. When Blake, Lucy and Toby dragged me out of the room and force fed me. I felt like death and when they managed to spring the information out of me, I was more than bereft. I was a tad hysterical, waterworks and all.

Kyle. How could he do such a thing?

# Chapter 74

Two weeks later...

"You can't be serious, Sienna?" Toby expressed in a shocked tone. Toby, Lucy and Blake all stared at me like I had gone cuckoo.

I was about to respond, but Blake butted in. " _Closure?_ What the bloody _hell_ for? The man cheated for months and never let you on about it? That's rather absurd. Kyle does not deserve closure." Blake seemed furious.

I got that he's shocked and doesn't like my decision, but for him to be angry at me?

I sighed and looked at Lucy and Toby, both stayed mum. "Lucy, if you were in Sienna's situation would you want _bloody fucking closure_?" Blake asked Lucy.

"No, but Kyle's her childhood sweetheart. He probably had a good reason for doing it. I cannot seem to think what that would be, though. Sienna, will it make you happy to go and see him? Clear the air or what of it?"

Yes, I would be. I needed to see Kyle. I needed to see it with my own eyes... that my future... _the future_ that we had planned together was now gone. "Yes, most definitely."

Toby stood up. "And there you have it, folks. Now, what do you say we focus on dinner before Sienna passes out from all this tension?" Chad intervened. I gave him a grateful smile.

When everyone else dropped it, I still felt Blake's simmering anger. When they all went to start prepping for dinner, I excused myself to my room and Blake followed me. Without asking for permission, he invited himself in.

* * *

I was in bed when he entered. I turned over, my back facing him. I knew I might have sounded pathetic right now, but it was what I needed. I didn't give a damn about anything else.

Kyle meant everything to me. I had to see him and that's that.

I stilled when I felt the bed dip.

"I apologize if I was harsh, but you must understand that I am only concerned. I do not want to see you anymore hurt than you already are." Blake touched my shoulder, but I didn't turn around or said anything.

I'm tired. I'm emotionally battered, betrayed, cheated on and the list can go on. The last thing I needed was for Blake to be angry at me. I got where he's coming from, but I don't give a hoot. Not right now, I don't.

Defeated, he sighed and kissed my head. "I'm staying here tonight. I'll be outside when you need someone to talk to, okay? Get rest, my love." He then got up and left the room.

_My love_. I knew British people used the word love with everyone, but coming from Blake, it simply gave me tingles. It was stupid, but it did. Now, I'm really pathetic. Here I was mourning the loss of my relationship and I got tingles from my friend.

Seriously, Sienna, get a grip.

Sighing, I forced myself to sleep. I needed to recharge before I finally flew out to LA and confronted Kyle.

I didn't know what will happen, but I was quite certain that my friends would be there for me... through thick and thin.
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