*pLEASE kILL meeeeee i wan to die*
"Meanwhile, we have some more breaking news..."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
*get it over with*
"...happening right now, there in Washington."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
*i really just dont want this anymore*
"...happening right now, there in Washington."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
*i, pyrocynical want to have my death certificate*
"...happening right now, there in Washington."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
*in hand*
"...happening right now, there in Washington."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
*in the ground*
"The FCC has just voted to overturn net neutrality."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
"that vote happening literally just a few moments ago."
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
"A story we have been following here-"
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
(music stops)
Well, it's been fun guys...
but net neutrality is over. It lost the vote.
(picture quality starts rapidly degrading)
but net neutrality is over. It lost the vote.
It's been kicked out the door, vamoosh, skedaddled.
The internet is gonna crumble before us...
Mega-corporations are gonna take over...
EVERYTHING
IS GOING
TO BURN.
(television switch off sound effect)
Sorry about that, I...
...had to pay by card.
(laugh track)
So I did want to dedicate this video to some lighter news...
like, for example,
like, for example, bullying various children online.
Unfortunately, I can't do that today because there are some really pressing matters-
regarding the fact that the FCC (or the Federal Communication Commission)
has voted against net neutrality.
Ajit Pai: We good?
Well, thanks guys!
Anyone have my coffee?
Alright!
And of course, this entire event was spearheaded by the Internet's most "lovable" man...
Ajit Pai.
(gunshot)
"Hi, I'm Ajit Pai."
"I'm the chairman of the FCC."
The entire event where the vote took place was livestreamed, even though I'd say-
Some people's interests were definitely elsewhere.
Now with the FCC, there are five main members of the board.
You've got Republicans Bill O' Reilly, Brendan Carr, and Ajit Pai.
Or as I like to call them: "The Three Pinheads".
"Who you callin' Pinhead?"
All three of these attractive, greasy-faced men voted yes to-
reappealing, or "killing", net neutrality.
There were two other members on the board: Democrats Jessica Rosen-
"Rosenworcel"
Can you guys have simpler names please?
-and Mignon Clyburn. Both of them voted against the re-appeal.
The event ended with a three-to-two vote to kill net neutrality.
"[...] with that we will call the vote. Commissioner Clyburn?"
Clyburn: "I dissent."
"Commissioner O'Reily?"
O'Reilly: "Aye."
"Commissioner Carr?"
Carr: "Aye."
"Commissioner Rosenworcel?"
Rosenworcel: "I dissent."
Pai: "The chair votes 'aye'. The item is adopted with editorial privileges granted as requested."
"Thanks to the staff for your terrific work on this item."
Now as you noticed, I prefaced all the members with their party-
are not looking to start some debate about politics.
I don't give a shit.
My point is, the three male members of the board that were all Republicans voted to kill net neutrality...
Yet, when a survey was taken...
three-quarters of all Republicans
voted against the net neutrality repeal.
Now here's the sad part. Unfortunately,
every single video you've seen or anyone promoting net neutrality
for this vote with the FCC was pretty much pointless. Because these three dumbasses
had their minds already sorted.
Ajit Pai definitely being the main instigator.
As you can see, he's gone out of his way to mock people-
that are promoting net neutrality with these dumbass videos lying all over the Internet.
"Do you even English, bro?"
*end me*
"Do you even English, bro?"
One of Ajit's more recent videos:
"7 Things You Can Still Do on the Internet after Net Neutrality"
"Hi, I'm Ajit Pai. I'm the chairman of the FCC."
"Recently there's been quite a bit of conversation about my plan to restore Internet freedom."
"Here are just a few of the things you'll still be able to do on the Internet..."
"after these Obama-era regulations are repealed."
"You can still (Insta)gram your food."
*Stop trying to look cool*
(ding)
*lol*
(ding)
Hear that guys? Internet freedom is being abolished,
the mega corporations are taking over, making you, the common consumer, pay more,
but yo- you can still "gram" your food.
"H- Hey guys. I'm a- I'm a grammer."
*emphysema*
(Photo of Lele Pons)
"I take lots of pictures."
"I take lots of pictures."
(Photo of Lele Pons)
*ashtma*
"Lo- Look at this picture I took"
*stage 3B lung cancer*
"I'm a grammer!"
"You can post photos of cute animals, like puppies."
('aww' stock track)
*I swear that dog wants to die*
*i showed you my dog please respond*
You know that theory people have that serial killers start off by torturing small animals for fun?
Anyone that is doing a degree studying psychopaths or serial killers...
Anyone that is doing a degree studying psychopaths (Ray William Johnson) or serial killers...
Anyone that is doing a degree studying psychopaths or serial killers (Matthew Santoro)...
They should use this image as an example.
"You can still shop for all your Christmas presents, online!"
(in joy)
Yes!
"Every night, I feel my leg"
"My arm"
"Even my fingers..."
"I'm so hip you guys that's why I got my fidget spinners. I-"
"I'M SO DOWN WITH THE KIDS, YO"
I love, as well, how he's saying you can still do your Christmas shopping...
Yeah, if the website you're using is part of the right package.
There's gonna be a lot of packages if this law gets passed guys. Just letting you know.
(me in front of a green screen which is edited to look like a room with christmas decorations while royalty free christmas music plays in the backround)
In all honesty, with Ajit Pai, his mannerisms, the way he moves, the way he talks...
It's kind of out of this world, isn't it? Kind of abnormal?
It's almost like he isn't actually human...
and more like... a monster from Silent Hill.
(♫ Whitewoods - Release Yourself ♫)
"Hi, I'm Ajit Pai."
"I really enjoy the public debate about the future of the Internet."
"I ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH."
(screaming)
"You can still binge watch your favorite shows."
*ONLY IF STUPID RICH F***S LIKE YOU DIDN'T BLOCK 75% OF THE GODDAMN SCREEN*
"Popular..."
"Popular trending..."
"Popular trending epic..."
"Popular trending epic funny..."
"Popular trending epic funny ha ha shows..."
""Popular trending epic funny ha ha shows 2017"
"Whoa, Game of Thrones came up! Hey Benny, put Game of Thrones in the video!"
"T- That's trending and cool with the kids!"
I got nothin'- listen,
I got nothing against Game of Thrones, it's a decent show,
but if you really wanted to be "hip" and "cool with the kids"...
You gotta show some Fred Flintstone.
"You can still stay part of your favorite fan community."
(Star Wars opening theme plays)
"You can still stay part of your favorite fan community."
(lightsaber sound effects)
(Star Wars opening theme plays)
(lightsaber sound effects)
Ajit, there are so many things wrong with this picture.
Firstly, the lightsaber shouldn't be blue. It should be red.
Secondly, you don't look like a Jedi Knight.
You look like someone caught on CCTV
after performing a home invasion.
What I don't get about Ajit is... it's like he's trying to be the "Internet Funny" guy.
You know what I mean? You know the kid at school that's like:
"Ha! I'm really funny! Look at all these jokes I tell!"
"Please don't bully me. Stop bullying me."
So either he's baiting everyone because he knows he was gonna win that vote anyway,
or he's genuinely thinking that if he's...
and cool enough, and epic, people will like him.
I think- I think he came out the cryotube a bit too late.
"You can still drive memes right in the ground."
(Harlem Shake in background)
"You can still drive memes right in the ground."
-.-
*Someone pass me the bleach*
*No really I want to die*
please
kill
me
hhaha!
Harlem Shake!
Excellent choice, my friend!
By the way have you heard of this thing called
I think- I think there's a Dogecoin!
Well boys and girls, there is a silver lining to this video.
The official record holders of "Harlem Shake" actually tweeted out:
*Pyrocynical reading the tweet*
I gotta say, my boys Mad Decent,
I usually hate copyright strikes. It's absolutely terrible and a horrible abuse of the system.
But in this case, I'll allow it.
Now although this whole situation is absolutely terrible,
the FCC passed this terrible rule that no matter what situation you're in...
Unless you're an extremely rich millionaire with a monopoly in the telecoms industry
It's gonna be a bad time for you.
But there is some good news, which was expressed by Mignon Clyburn, one of the members of the FCC board-
that voted no, against the rule.
"The fight to save net neutrality does not end today."
"The agency does not have the final word."
"Thank goodness for that."
"I don't know whether this plan will be vacated by a court,"
"reversed by Congress, or overturned by a future commission,"
"but I do believe that it's days are numbered."
"Amen to that Mr. Chairman, amen to that."
"Thank you, Commissioner Clyburn. I'm gonna mark you down as a 'No?'."
(laughing in the background)
Now remember earlier in the video when I said all these people including myself promoting net neutrality-
is a waste of time? For this vote, it pretty much was.
And everyone was predicting that it was going to come out in a three-to-two.
But the good news is promoting net neutrality and getting it out there matters now more than ever before.
Just because the FCC agency passed this rule, doesn't mean it becomes law instantly.
It still has to go through Congress first.
Any American viewers I have, it is incredibly important you contact your local senator,
and explain to them how important net neutrality is.
Just because thousands of people have already done it and they're probably stuck full of emails and letters and phone calls,
doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
Because they could be one letter or one word away from finally being convinced to support net neutrality.
In situations like this when we give up trying to push something, we've already lost.
So we need to keep pushing this agenda of supporting net neutrality
I'll be leaving loads of links down in the description that I'll be giving full of context on net neutrality,
and also how to get in contact with your local senator,
Bunch of helpful stuff which you can read up in your own time.
I will be damned if a man that looks like the human equivalent of a trollface gets his way in America.
Because as we all know, a lot of countries like to copy America, including the UK.
So if that gets passed as law, couple years later probably going to happen here.
My Internet is terrible enough.
I ain't paying 50 Dogecoins just to get a faster connection to YouTube.
Congress can stop this thing dead. They can pass a resolution of disapproval,
meaning this little agenda that Ajit Pai and his little fuck-boy pinhead possy wanna promote will be stumped into the ground.
"Who you callin' Pinhead?"
But anyways guys, that'll be all for me.
Hopefully the Internet will return back to normal...
or I'll be using Dogecoins to keep the lights on.
For every like this video gets, will motivate me more and more to make a game theory on
"If Ajit Pai is actually a human trollface".
Thank you again for watching, guys.
(PewDiePie gameplay in the background)
Subscribe for more Happy Wheels Let's Plays
and hopefully, we'll get the internet back.
(♫ Whitewoods - Beach Walk ♫)
"The comrades have lost..."
"Won't stop hurting."
