*high five* Top of the morning to ya, laddies! My name is JackSepticEye and welcome to Coffee Shop Tycoon!
A game for ME, because I love coffee, more than anything.
The only thing I love more than coffee is a fresh pot!
Give me a fresh pot of coffee, right now- STAT.
I've had three cups of coffee today already, and it's fucking amazing, I love it.
I don't even drink it because it gets me hyper, or anything, coffee doesn't do anything to me!
I just drink it 'cause I love the taste. And I drink way too much of it!
Um, so I figured it would be good to play a game all about making your own coffee shop.
I'm going to make coffee SO strong, it's going to make people BLEED.
Y- w- As soon as you drink it, blood's just gonna come outta your ears, 'n' you're just gonna be sitting there like,
"This is fine."
Um, right...
Level 1.
I have 40,000 dollars!
Can I just use that to actually BUY coffee, instead of making my own? Ok.
"A small little place in town, but remember some things that you love started in a garage."
Cool. *laughs*
Most of the bands I love started in a garage.
"Welcome to your new Coffee Shop, before you can start you need a name for it."
Oooh!
Um...
I'm going to call it, uh, "Bleeding Beans".
No, I can't put that in?
Aww, no!
"Bleeding Bea".
Um, I'm gonna call it "Blood Beans".
There we go! I wanted it to be "Bleeding Beans", 'cause, "ge- I'll eat my bleedin' beans!"
But, NO, y- it's "Blood Beans"!
Y- you ingest them and then you start bleeding from it.
Um... ooh!
Do I want to be No Man's Sky?
Do I wanna be Kurzgesagt?
I WANNA BE A UNICORN.
Nah, fuck it, I wanna be a 'lil bear.
Uh... *laughs* "Mr.. Danger"- Is that Heisenberg?
"Hello, entrepreneur, welcome to the world of hot coffee and delicious muffins...
Ba ba da ba da ba da- sorry I love muffins!"
Okay, thanks...
"Building a coffee shop from scratch is not an easy task, but don't freak out. I'm here to help you-"
STOP FREAKING OUT, he told you not to!
Put your pants back on.
"Nom nom nom nom... that was delicious, ok, so first things first, in order to start, you need a working station."
"Click [on] the icon with a counter."
Uh, ok...
"This is the store, you can buy decorations for your coffee shop, furniture..." Ohh-kay.
Nice!
"Buy". AND I get to place it!
Nice.
BA-CHING!
Awesome! "You must hire an employee. Click the icon with the bold employee that looks like my father."
I think you mean the "bald" employee.
Shpadoosh.
Hm... Do I want to pay you 140 grand?
*laughs*
Uh- or BUY one for 140 grand. I have 38k left.
Right- Barista or Service?
Barista.
Service.
Barist- I don't know.
Barista! We'll get a barista, fuck it.
Salary is 600 dollars.
Mmm.
Salary is 600... Barista 52... Service 37... Speed 46...
You're better- this one's better at being a barista, but this one is much faster. So, this one.
"We are almost done! We need some machines to start making-" that sick, dirty water!
"Click the 'machines' icon.
Fuckin' got it.
"To start making basic coffee, buy a grinder, an... airport... and a brewer."
Okay, you need to buy an airport to make coffee, apparently.
I got a basic grinder, and I got a basic airport!
Can I fly in that?
*laughs*
"I love those shiny machines!" But you know what I love more? Muffins!
"But we need to know which coffee to prepare, click the coffee icon."
This is far more complex than I was expecting it to be! Only have regular coffee right now-
EGGNOG LATTES. Ohhh, I miss Halloween at Starbucks!
The eggnog lattes were the BEST! They taste like dreams.
Frickin' love 'em.
"Research the Regular Coffee. Your equipment determines which drinks you can prepare."
Got it. "A regular hot cup o' [Joe], because sometimes you just need to wake up."
Just wake up and smell the BEANS!
"You unlocked Regular Coffee." Sweet, dude!
"Click on the Manager menu".
Oh.
Hello.
This is-  there's a lot to this! I thought I'd just come in and click buttons and make lots o' coffee and be happy!
We're making coffee. I clicked on an 'airport'. Apparently I'm making coffee in a whole airport. I'm just gonna fill it up.
Oh- airPOTS! *laughs*
*coughs*
Ohh, I'm so dumb! I kept making a joke about it being 'airports'.
And it just turns out I can't fucking read.
"Airpots store your brewed coffee, you won't be able to brew more coffee if all your 'airports' are full unless you drop your- drop the coffee. Click brew".
Okay, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm grinding up some damn BEANS!
Gotta get my beans! 'Awesome, we have fresh coffee ready to go time to open up your coffee shop. Good luck!' oh, man
I'm scared let me open it. Oh
It's open hello, Mr.. Man
How are you today?
Am I am I making coffee?
Okay, holy mermaids eight hundred buck bucks for a drink well considering months only last three minutes here I?
Guess you have to make fast money some way a whole month of three minutes
We must be aging horribly. We're all getting very old very quickly time is money and also time we're going to turn into dust
Am I am I serving you?
Is this how much time it takes to give you your things okay? It's actually doing it on its own
I thought I was just fucking up there for a second remaining brew coffee in your containers
Okay, kind of figure this shit out. I need to reach a reputation of 100 I can do that
No, fuck upon the door look at my cute little icon I can change it any time. I want though hmM
Blood beans, I think this gets across the idea of blood beans a bit better now look shit unicorn, baby
Right are you happy come on?
Chop Chop
Give this lady her coffee! 'This container has five coffee. Do you want to drop the coffee?'
No, you must select the containers to store your brewed coffee, okay?
So I need to empty it first and then re-brew got it. That's- that's fine. Huh, I got it bro
It's nice to have a business
I'm an entrepreneur. I built this place myself
Brick-And-Mortar blood sweat tears and a tiny bit of semen cuz I mean it gets everywhere
You're gonna have a tiny bit of semen somewhere like all the time just
Check around you take out the Uv light and just scan the room see how many fluids are laying around all around ya'
This takes a long time now can I speed up time I
can
Yeah! Spring is here, the changing of the season (that kind of look like a septic
eye in a way) everything looks like a septic eye
Okay, we have one coffee left in this and then it's time to start making more and it said the one pound of coffee makes
Twenty cups, and I've sold
Ten
Ok wait for this and then slow it on down and then boom
Brew that coffee!
Shit, okay, it's taking a lot long- AW NO
Fuck they got sad because my beans weren't ready gotta get them beans
Okay, my beans are done my beans are happy ready to go there we go. Woo!
Yes, a scare there for a second wait can I buy another airport?
Should I do that? I want to buy another one?
Then I can do this shit
change of the game! yes, you-you spend money to make money people times the same and
other
entrepreneurial terms a
wood table
Should I buy one? Boom! There we go! place it the
Cuckoo is in the nest and then I'll buy a chair
No, I did not buy again. Okay. I have nine coffees here we go- I like how I make my coffee bumbumbumbumbumbumbumbum watch me go!
Okay, everything's going well. I like this. Im having a good time. Hope you guys are as well
We'll use you first. Here we go. That's what the use first me
Got it- ooo our rep is at 96. Oh shit. It's fucking rush hour
Karen Lenna and Caroline- 'Your reputation has increased! Clients will appear more frequently remember to keep them happy.' Oh
Buy an Espresso machine can I do that wheres the espresso machine basic Espresso need to be level two for that?
What level am I? I'm only level one! Ok some people are not happy
nathaniel
Why would you be happy with a name like that okay?
I think I might need a new employee I need at least 20 K to buy someone
That's what it is coffee tycoons coffee shops. It's actually a front for a slave trade business
There's just constant change over all the time. He's not that happy- nathaniel
Again, why would it be happy with a name like that these people Frederika and Grover Grover Salmon, Frederika Deshawn?
Hold on a minute
Am I making coffee for fucking hipsters? 'A crazy story came out today about a kid that got superpowers from drinking a secret formula,
People will look for something similar apparently it tastes like an eSpresso tastes like an Espresso'
Okay, wait. Oh shit. That's why. Not enough beans remaining? Oh fuck
That's it. It's a it's all. It's all gone. It's all
It's all going downhill guys ordering some coffee when fucking reputation is going to go down again
'Your reputation has decreased! your claims are unhappy you can click on them to See what is making them mad
Maybe need some more employees. Maybe I some more fuCKING MONEY
Maybe I'll just turn my beans into cash?
oh
Okay, hold on a sec. We make a regular blend in here
And then we make a little yet dark blend in there
Brew okay?
Okay
We're going to lose some business cuz of this cuz- mother fucker
My reps at 89 what am I without my rep okay? Please make it right before they get their- FUCK
I'm nothing if not a failure
79 rep
Just hang me out to dry fam. You haven't unlocked food for your coffee shop. You cannot go ahead Sorter Cherry, Phoenix
I'm sure nobody makes fun of your name cherry penis. Just keep that tippy-typin' a going keep those mittens on keep working
'Your reputation has increased ah
That's what it is validation finally, but again. I feel like I'm worth while I feel like I'm worth something again, Georgeanna Cami no
Are you the childish Gambino by any chance? Darnell Cutshall?
Okay, what is it your fucking knees 'The market has normalized.'
But... the market wasn't normal? alright. I need to keep an eye on my- my beans cuz that's what fucked me up that time
Right okay, cuz I ran out of beans involved and then I didn't know then
Chocolate oooo
You unlocked chocolate cookies and raisin bread
Okay, cool. You know I can't resist that raise add to menu add to menu. They're fuckin tiny
Okay, cool. You know I can resist that raisin bread
It's all my lifeblood is
How much coffee do I have left in this by even think ah that's why I'm doing this
Okay, just do whatever. I don't care
Whatever gets used up gets used up
Okay, we reputation is increasing my oneís going up my crops are growing my skin is clearing Selena
And I is in here who else is in here lin a proper fuck about you guys. She's mad
Hey, what's being used first?
Hmm, okay, okay got this
We were featured in local newspapers article expect more clients for a few days
Oh, I don't know if I can keep up with that dude
I'm not ready. I'm only in the game for shits and giggles. I'm not here to all
fucking finkle and einhorn her in oh not sex
Okay, that should be enough. Oh crap
Okay, um use this first. I need to run out of one first ah shit
This is what you do the use first option
Because then you don't run out of coffee for people. Which is exactly what's going to happen not sex
Okay, I concluded from the time through this is the time to take
No, I can't I'm fucking boned. I'm screwed. Oh the pooch
Here we go
Yeah, baby
You guys like espresso, so I'm going with that fucking dark B. Give me money. I need to hire somebody
Don't run away. No don't run away. I love you
Baby my customers be my guest be my guest be my get some paint angry leave me a good review and yelp, thanks
Thanks for coming in
At 20k, I can hire somebody but their salary is 600. What do we do you're right umm?
Service breathing service Barista. What's the difference?
service
Ah shit
800 sorry 77 ah what on the cheap dude. Haha right? What's happening? What what's going on, okay?
I brew this
cool cool
I'm freaking out man
Okay, what was once my love for them Golden roasty dirty brown bean is turning into something that I'm not happy with
Are we good I?
Think we're good you and you fucking brewing. What's happening um
Who you and you wrote foster? Yeah?
Here we go
Hey, I'm a I'm getting my money back a new internet meme has boosted the popularity of the white mocha. What's this mean?
Why in a presser machine? I don't even have that yet. I?
Do okay next Grand oh?
man
That sucks. Huh, no, I haven't um basic Espresso
Boom-bap a tap is oop our
Research ESpresso got it
Twelve Hundred
Waiting the cus world wanted to research a coffee. I can tell you just concentrate the beans and do a small amount
Autumn is here, but your name. I'm in the fucking I'm in the red ah
not
Fucking staff needing payment. Why don't you guys just work for the love of the bean?
Where don't you guys just work for the love of the fresh pot you are not espresso? Hey?
Order food to play you can just certainly not for a second um special machines brew coffee on demand
So what do I do? What's happening? What's happening? I know I need to order more coffee ah
We need okay wait for them to order something first there we go
Or are they ordering Espressos?
Most pigs my coffees not going on the market is normalized. Maybe wish you tell me when the markets not normalized you know ah?
Here we go. It's press. Oh
People like that happy in my coffee shop. Ha ha you know why it's like marketing. I need to change it up
Santa okay, I need to order coffee
You see no menus, but seasonal menus are active the menu will change automatically based on you configured menus
You haven't created a menu for certain Seasons normally reviews said oh
This is gear for Colts fluid beam coming up in the world getting a thousand per customer now. They all loved it
You'll love them salty Crispy Brown 30b
Gotta get them beans winter is here. Oh
shit
oh
I knew I should have hired John snow
A famous coffee shop ad that featured a new drink went viral during the super?
football customers the thought will be looking to buy an Americano a
New drink a fucking black Hawk
Okay, can I research that an AMericano good?
Cool will I make more if I ate are making Americanos?
Maybe wait, how do we change up my menu here we go drinks
plus 20% there we go I
probably shouldn't have iced coffees on the menu just yet because
Yeah, I'd copy as a summer drink, and I don't want it on the menu right now supply. I should probably get
Some more base
Okay, oh, I can
Sort of Dark coffee and
laborious coffee
purity soft Flavor that's supposed to be protein
Can't eat fat famous TV show called the great friends
It's friends central perk they drink coffee all the time that if we can get off to Central park. We can garage the great friends
Yes
Yes
Why would I say no?
That only had benefits. I oh, I just got money for that
Why would I have said no to that okay? How are we doing indeed dude?
I got this on block your implication has the great plains would appear more pygmy. Remember to keep them happy
dude, oh shit okay, so I ordered beans already ah
I had fucking food. I added stuff to the food menu, but I didn't actually order the food
Cuz we the icons are super small above because I didn't actually have any in stock. I just had locks for them
It was stupid okay? I'm almost at level three as well. Hold on a fucking Jiminy okay. I want you to be a better barista
this one boom and I want you to be better service, so
boom
Fantastic Loreen Phoenix Reach level two
Your name is loreen Phoenix, or you expected salary as a thousand. Oh
fuck
You you cost me more money there, Miss Phoenix
Marilyn reasoner
Okay, you cause it's the fuzz it's fine. It's cool
Maybe that's make on a flood beam because I'm always hemorrhaging money
American is normalized add food, okay?
Can I have another food can I order gingerbread cookies there all the way down here that have a fight?
The odds were against me from the start
Then look take the heisenberg guy who kept giving me training hmm. He's a reviewer I
Felt like the whole coffee shop was in fast-forward. I didn't have to wait a single minute to get my order speed 8.5
Quality 7 service 9.7. That's you Marilyn
That's my girl getting that fucking service quality you know why cause she smiles?
Quality peenics get your head in the game, Phoenix a plant. I need a plant
Spring is here. Fuck. Yeah, dude um
Brad can I get a laugh a
would sugar would Sherman a but some people do further coffee without sugar I personally enjoy 3 3
Dude, I enjoy fucking sweet drinks as well
They said over here and turn it
Boom goes that beat in my head, okay. This is fucking kicking off crazy
Shit, it's fucking nuts right now
faster people
Make a copy no one left upset yet. Everyone's either just smiling or
super happy
Fuck yeah
Sega shit
like a 30k in the space of 30 seconds
Holy crap that was awesome
The reflects. Oh, okay do I get more if they actually stay in my place?
Cuz it's not that what's the point I?
Don't want to be forking out the big boy books for these bastards if they're not actually going to see in my place and give
Me more money
Otherwise the Mays Dodgers have made some up Mayor's
but buy two more chairs
So people can relax up you know
If you've got those big old foots, they want to sit on well
I mean
It's sort of coffee shop tycoon who would've thought actually I thought that I would be amazing at selling coffee to people
Because I know it. I know the business. I know them. I know them Jack's dirty waters be
Where's my boy my little bean baby boy? I know how to make them
I know I know it fresh. You know by now to do it anyways
thank you guys so much watching this and what if you liked it -
interface boy to pause and play grow
Thanks, I know say anya news
Marylyn penis, Phoenix is your setup job
