OH, CNN.
I WATCH CNN WHEN I COME HOME AT
NIGHT, MY WIFE AND I SIT THERE,
A LITTLE ANDERSON COOPER, HE'S
ATTRACTIVE TO LOOK AT,
INFORMATIVE AND FAIR.
CNN TOOK A HIT THIS WEEK AFTER
THE PUBLICATION OF A RUSSIA-
RELATED ARTICLE THAT HAD TO BE
RETRACTED.
THIS IS CNN'S WORST MISTAKE
SINCE THEIR SHORTLIVED
SPIN-OFF, "WOLF BLITZER'S
ROCKIN' SITUATION GARAGE."
( LAUGHTER )
THEY RETRACTED THE ARTICLE.
IT WAS ABOUT A RUSSIAN
INVESTMENT FUND CONNECTED TO
TRUMP OFFICIALS,
LIKE FORMER ADVISOR AND QUEEN
SONG LYRIC, ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI.
SCARAMMUCH!
SCARAMMUCH!
NOW CNN SAYS THAT "THE
RETRACTION DOES NOT MEAN THE
FACTS OF THE STORY WERE
NECESSARILY WRONG."
BUT THEY PULLED THE STORY
BECAUSE STANDARD EDITORIAL
PROCESSES WERE NOT FOLLOWED
YES, IT'S A FINE STORY.
THEY JUST FORGOT TO CALL IT
"BREAKING NEWS" AND HAVE A
COUNTDOWN CLOCK.
AS A RESULT, THREE CNN REPORTERS
RESIGNED OVER THE ISSUE, WHICH
SEEMED TO SETTLE IT.
EVEN ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI HIMSELF
TWEETED "CNN DID THE RIGHT
THING.
CLASSY MOVE.
APOLOGY ACCEPTED."
( LAUGHTER )
AND "EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES.
MOVING ON."
WELL GUESS WHO'S NOT MOVING ON?
THE TWEETSTER IN CHIEF, WHO
UNLOADED THIS MORNING.
"FAKE NEWS CNN IS LOOKING AT BIG
MANAGEMENT CHANGES NOW THAT THEY
GOT CAUGHT FALSELY PUSHING THEIR
PHONY RUSSIAN STORIES.
RATINGS WAY DOWN!"
AND, "WOW, CNN HAD TO RETRACT
BIG STORY ON "RUSSIA," WITH 3
EMPLOYEES FORCED TO RESIGN.
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PHONY
STORIES THEY DO?
FAKE NEWS!"
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ).
( CHEERS )
IT'S TRUE.
THEY LOVE HIM HERE.
HUGE-- HUGE TRUMP FANS.
IT IS SO NICE TO HAVE TRUMP FANS
HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
IT IS TRUE, CNN DOES HAVE SOME
PHONY STORIES.
I WATCHED "ANTHONY BOURDAIN'S
PARTS UNKNOWN," AND I DIDN'T SEE
ANY PARTS OF HIS BODY I DIDN'T
ALREADY KNOW.
THERE IS ONE PERSON WHO IS
GUILTY OF FAKE NEWS OUT THERE.
IT'S DONALD TRUMP.
( APPLAUSE )
EVIDENTLY, TRUMP HAS A "TIME"
MAGAZINE HANGING ON THE
WALLS OF MANY OF HIS GOLF CLUBS
WITH THE HEADLINE: "DONALD
TRUMP: THE APPRENTICE IS A
TELEVISION SMASH!"
BUT IT TURNS OUT IT'S FAKE.
IN FACT THE DATE OF THE ISSUE,
MARCH 1, 2009, HAD NO ISSUE OF
"TIME" MAGAZINE THAT DAY.
TRUMP MADE HIS OWN "TIME"
MAGAZINE COVER?
MY GOD, THAT CAN ONLY MEAN HE'S
ACQUIRED MALL KIOSK TECHNOLOGY!
BUT IF THAT ONE'S FAKE, PLEASE,
TELL ME THERE'S A CHANCE THIS
ONE IS FAKE, TOO.
