News Reporter: *random chatter*
OH! *gasp* Hi
Good evening everyone, welcome to the 6 o'clock news
bringing you the most striking and current news all around
at home
safe
government approved
anyway, our breaking story tonight
three 7 year olds caught discussing Lord Mooselini's political flaws
(though we all know he has none)
in their basement
they are thought to be following the footsteps of Steve Irwin
the infamous dictator all across the sea, in the foreign land of Australia
oof
Anywho...
they were all caught, extradited, and/or assassinated
but, we're all safe now
*sigh* god bless our country
In fact, a new law has recently passed, enact- AND enacted today
The No Necktie Law
actually has now been prohibiting the donning of any and all neckties
due to the fact that our president deems them
and quote,
"too familiar of America's unsafe past"
In other news, our leader has just signed a Declaration of War
without congress
I guess that's how we work these days
to begin, quote, "the battle and siege of every other global superpower"
and I kind of find that a little-
[CENSORED]
Producer: OH!
*angry grunt*
He's gonna get me FIRED, or worse
*click*
NR: I'm sorry- I'm sorry- I didn't-
I was just thinking out loud and-
P: You cannot share your own opinion!
You cannot-
*DEEP breath*
Look now there is a government agent here NOW to WATCH you
NR: It's ok, it's-
P: You cannot let this happen again!
NR: It- It'll be fine I'll fix it, I'll fix it
P: You better.
NR: *SIGH*
Sorry, UH, hi
good evening everyone
uh, I'd like to apologize for the slip up
that was totally on me, won't happen again
but, uhhh, we do have sports
with
Gerry
I believe, Gerry Seinfeld
oh, uh
hi
uh
yeah, uh, Gerry?
uh...
Jerry seems to be having
some, uh
jitters tonight
but that's alright, we'll carry on
uhh
heh
I'd like to remind you all that this weekend's upcoming,
"We love our government no matter what they do" parade
It is mandatory for all to attend unless you are:
ill,
elderly,
or pregnant, or all three at once
uhhh
let's see, if you are not present and
(you should be and you have no excuse)
you will be
assassinated,
extradited,
tortured,
or all three
huh...
that's, uhuh
that's, wow
ok... hehuh
Teleprompter: c'mon kid
stick with the script, c'mon
ah
excuse me, uhh
We have breaking news right now. I'm not sure if-
we're really allowed to tell the story, but, uh,
What's the worst that can happen?
So it appears that our leader, as gracious as he may seem,
has been funneling funds out from our from our public school systems
into private, offshore accounts and I believe-
[CENSORED]
Camerawoman: Oh, dude, he's toast
NR: I was just speaking my mind, I didn't think it was that important
Government Agent: Who are you?
Are yo- Are you a terrorist?!
NR: I'm not a terrorist I'm just trying to let the people know!
GA: You know what?
You're good
NR: Really?
GA: Teleprompter, over there
go
NR: I mean... I don't really see one that's really-
*gunshot*
*BEEP*
*static*
Good evening
welcome to your 7:45 news
I'm Janett Buckman
