-If you guys wouldn't mind
I'd like to
write out my weekly
thank-you notes right now.
Is that cool with you guys
[ Cheers and applause ]
James, can I get some
thank-you-note-writing music
please?
[ Soft music plays ]
He's always in such
a good mood, you know?
-Yeah. Wow.
[ Soft music plays ]
-Thank you, Harry and Meghan
for deciding to give up
your status and salary
to live a normal life.
Or, as baby Archie put it,
"Wait, what?"
-"Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Time-out."
[ Soft music plays ]
-Thank you, Prince Harry,
for leaving the royal family
or as you'll now be called
The Grandson Formerly
Known as Prince.
[ Soft music plays ]
Thank you, ABC, for bringing
back the show "Thirtysomething,"
though I'm not sure
it can compete
with this season of
"Seventysomething."
[ Soft music plays ]
Thank you, fun socks, for bein
a great way of saying,
"I might not have a personality,
but at least I've got
a penguin skateboarding
on my ankle."
I'm fun.
-I'm fun, I'm fun!
-Loosen up, man.
-I have to foreclose
on your house.
[ Soft music plays ]
-Thank you, John Bolton, for
looking like you're gearing up
to testify at
Trump's impeachment trial
or struggling to read the sodium
count on a box of Fiber One.
-Diabeetus.
[ Soft music plays ]
-Thank you, focaccia,
for being invented by someon
who took a bite of bread
and was like,
"Tasty, but I wish it
had been dropped
in a pile of pine needles.
Then I would like it.
[ Soft music plays ]
Thank you, meerkats,
for always looking like
a person politely waiting
for the server
to finish
listing the specials.
[ Soft music plays ]
-Is that the last one?
-What's that?
-Is that the last one?
-This is it right here.
[ Soft music plays ]
-Of the night or for just...
-Just for tonight.
-Just for today. Okay, good.
[ Soft music plays ]
Sorry to interrupt you.
-Thank you, Timothée Chalamet,
for growing a tiny new mustache.
Imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery.
There you have it.
Those are my thank-you notes
