This year my resolutions were not about what
I wanted to do or what I wanted to have or
even where I wanted to go. This year my resolutions
were all about who I wanted to become. I thought
long and hard about this. I didn't want to
be someone who was back and forth, 10 steps
forward and 5 steps back. I didn't want to
be someone who was always going back on my
resolutions or finding myself in a rut of
past behavior. I wanted to make lasting improvements
little by little each day that would pay immeasurable
dividends over time way. Way too often we
spend a lot of time focused on outcome 1 results.
Much of what we do revolves around what we
hope to get out of it and this applies to
everything from interpersonal relationships
to work in school. If we don't get the desired
outcome one of 2 things generally happens:
we quit because while I mean what's the point?
Or we devolve into a state of chronic frustration.
Chronic frustration looks like a constant
ebb and flow of highs and lows where you have
peak moments of optimism and expectancy followed
by low moments of disappointment and resentment.
This occurs over and over again in what feels
like a never-ending cycle.
Scripture tells us that hope deferred makes
the heart sick. It also tells us that a longing
fulfilled is a tree of life. Sometimes you
have a hope to lose weight for example or
have more disposable income or even get better
grades. You long for this hope. But there
isn't much that you can do to bring about
its fulfillment, at least not anytime soon.
So what happens if you change the objects
of your longing? There isn't much in life
that you can control. So why not just focus
on the things you can? Longing for outcomes
and results is an easy way to fall into patterns
of chronic frustration. Often times we see
the process as a means to an end. The end
being the desired goal or outcome. It's good
to have goals, no one's denying that. But
what if you flip the relationship? What have
you shift your perspective? So that the process
isn't just the means to the end, but it becomes
the end in itself. The goal simply becomes
the means to mapping out your process. For
example instead of saying I want to lose 10
pounds by spring break, say I want to develop
healthier eating habits and break out of my
sudden [3:09] lifestyle. Instead of saying
you want a spotless apartment, focus on incorporating
the 10-minute clean into your daily routine.
I personally have seen the benefits of doing
something like this.
Habits are really hard to start. There's a
lot of inertia when it comes to breaking patterns
of past behavior. But once you break past
that initial resistance a habit becomes automatic.
So when I started law school there was a lot
going on, very hectic schedule, always busy.
But I'm also someone who really likes a very
clean and orderly environment. I find disorderly
environments to be very distracting. So I
incorporated the 10 minute clean into my routine
and now it's like autopilot and this is such
a quick and easy way to make sure that my
apartment stays clean and orderly even when
I'm super duper busy and the mess never piles
up. So I know it seems like these shifts are
really small and insignificant so much so
that they don't bear mentioning. But that's
the point.
There's this quote that I love that really
gets to the heart of what I'm saying. In atomic
habits James Clear writes 'when nothing seems
to help I go and look at a stone cutter hammering
away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times
without as much as a crack showing in it.
Yet at the hundred and first blow it will
split in 2. I know it was not that last blow
that did it but all that had gone before'.
When you begin building a new habit it feels
like it isn't making a difference at all and
that is frustrating. So I find it's helpful
to shift focus, just like I said earlier.
If you focus on hammering away at the rock
for example and consider every single blow
to be a win whether the rock splits when you
expect it to or not then it's much easier
to be content. Each time you honor the process
you get to feel good about that and one day
whether it be on the one hundred and first
or the one thousand and first blow you'll
find you finally made a difference.
So I'm focused on processes and habits, not
goals and results. I have already realized
most of my resolutions by honoring the process.
My old goals are now just tools for fine-tuning
my process. They are no longer the center
of my focus and I have found that this is
the best way to be content in all seasons
at every step of the journey. So with respect
to my goal I have not yet achieved it, but
I focus on this one thing. For getting the
past and looking forward to what lies ahead
I press on.
