Hi, my name is Chella Man.
I am 19 years old
and this is me today.
Now, this is also me
Now the person in that photo
dreamed of becoming him.
Now obviously it's been
quite a journey to get here.
I have had to make as many
mental realizations as
(oh, sorry)
I've had to overcome as many
mental obstacles as physical.
To become him.
To become me.
The man I am today.
I had to make several realizations.
The first being that I am transgender.
The second -- learning the correct terminology
to describe myself authentically.
And the third --
realizing the difference between
presentation and identification.
Now, my mind
has felt distant from my body since
day one.
I remember always longing for my
body to appear more stereotypically masculine
than feminine.
And I begged my mom
to shop in the boys' section for me.
And in elementary school I was known as
the boy named Rachel.
Once puberty hit
I felt cornered into living life as a girl
I distinctly remember certain moments
where I just would press down on my chest
as if that would stop it
from growing.
But when my mom would ask
if I wanted to be a boy or a girl
I fell silent.
It was a catch-22.
I believed that by saying, "boy"
I would be forced to leave some of --
most of -- my feminine traits behind.
Some of which that I did connect with.
However,
there were so many characteristics
associated with "boy"
that I did connect to
So how was I supposed to choose one
without losing bits and pieces of myself
in the process?
After eighteen years of searching
I came across this term: "genderqueer"
-- relating to or having a gender identity
that is other than male or female
is combination of the two genders
or is on a continuum of gender
Fireworks shot through my mind --
"This is it! This is how I've always felt!"
The next time someone asked me
"Boy or girl?"
I said, "or."
After finding the words to express how I felt
others started to pressure me into using
specific terminology that reflected
their own understandings of gender.
For example,
once I started to associate myself
with the term genderqueer,
many told me to accompany it
with they/them pronouns
So I decided to test it out,
but that all-too-familiar feeling of
discomfort emerged yet again.
I felt cornered.
But luckily that discomfort
sparked a moment of clarity.
Gender identity does not have to dictate
what terminology and/or pronouns you use.
For example,
I do identify as genderqueer,
but I do not associate myself with they/them pronouns.
I prefer he/him.
Which brings me
to my last revelation.
Understanding the difference
between presentation and inherent identification
"Wait -- what?!"
Let's take a step back here.
Presentation is the way that you present yourself.
Let's say your mannerisms
to the clothes you wear
to your overall appearance --
how you "perform."
I say "inherent identification"
to indicate how you identify inside --
regardless of how you perform.
I identify "trans masculine"
by taking testosterone --
luckily enough.
It's a huge privilege I'm able to have.
But mentally
I identify as genderqueer.
Again, the way that you present
does not have to correlate
to your inherent identification
and this is valid.
Now I could stand on this stage
and rant for hours
about all of the realizations
that I've made to get here
and to become -- him --
and to become the man that I am today,
but I also want to show you the process.

  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice one day on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 3 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 6 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 7 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 9 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 10 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 12 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 16 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 20 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 22 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 26 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 27 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 28 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 29 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 32 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 33 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and this is my voice 34 weeks on T."
  "Hi, my name is Chella Man and thank you for listening to my TED Talk."
Thank you.

