By now,
you've probably seen the footage
out of Hawaii
where
a previously chilled-out volcano
recently stepped up its game.
Now, luckily,
no one has been hurt,
because the lava
moves really slowly,
but it's still destroying homes
and property.
And I'm not gonna lie,
the first thing I thought
when I saw this was, "Wow,
"Obama will go to any lengths
"to destroy
his birth certificate.
This is insane."
And now Hawaii is not only
dealing with the volcano--
it also has to deal with idiots.
Now to a scary situation
happening in slow motion.
Lava is continuing to flow
on Hawaii's Big Island,
and authorities have
a stark warning to tourists:
stay away from it.
Experts say
there's no way to predict
when the Kilauea volcano
will stop erupting.
Toxic gases are also a threat,
and the blistering molten
lava has claimed dozens of homes
and other structures.
Okay, who has to be warned
to stay away from lava?
It's lava! That's the warning!
People are being evacuated
from their homes,
and tourists are going to gawk
at it? That's what's going on?
Like, this is gonna end up being
the millennial Pompeii.
That's what's gonna happen.
Yeah.
Some future tour guide
is gonna be in front of a man
made out of ash going,
"This victim what... was taking
"what, in 2018,
was known as a sel-fie.
That's what that was."
But, look, I-I guess
I sort of understand.
Like, people don't respect
this eruption
because the lava moves
so slowly.
Right? It's like the Ben Carson
of natural disasters.
Just like, "Watch out.
I'm also bad for housing."
In other news,
parents have been complaining
that their kids are rude
to their Google Home speakers.
So, today,
Google introduced a new mode
where you have to say "please"
before it will respond.
Yeah. And, personally,
I think this is great.
Everyone should be polite
to these things.
Not just because of manners
but just so that,
when the robot uprising comes,
they might spare us, you know?
The robots will be like,
"Exterminate, exterminate,
"extermin...
Oh, wait, that's Trevor.
"He was always polite to us.
Exterminate, please."
