(bright music)
- Welcome one and all to "Puppet History".
Today we'll be taking
an ever-widening look
at yet another chapter
in the heavy, heavy book
we call history, while our
guests ruthlessly compete
for the coveted title of history master.
I am obviously your beloved
host, The Professor.
- I can't believe I'm normalized already
to talking to this blue creature.
- Thank you.
(laughing)
- Ryan Bergara, are you ready?
Answer me.
- Yeah, I'm ready, sorry.
- Special guest Steven Lim, are you ready?
- (sighs) I have never
been ready for this.
- Okay, then let's crack in!
- [Steven] Let's do it.
(triumphant music)
- Distracted by his tiny little satchel.
- Look at that bow-tie!
- Huh, thank you.
- The satchel's killing it.
- How long did it take
you to build your outfit
this morning?
- I wear this every day.
This is my look.
- Okay.
- Today we're talking about
unimaginable catastrophe
of devastation so swift and sweeping
that it could easily be mistaken
as nothing short of the apocalypse.
To set the mood, a reading
from "The Signs of Death",
"When the head trembles,
"and the lips grow black,
"the nose sharpens,
"and the sinews stiffen
"the soul has left
"and the body holds nothing but a clout
"then will the body be thrown in a hole
"and no one will remember your soul."
- Hey, chief, your glasses.
Your glasses fell off, man.
- I was just gettin' really into it.
- Yeah, but they're on your mouth.
It's distracting.
- Hang on.
We're talking about the
malady of many names,
the big sick, the great mortality,
the bubonic plague.
A terrifying, rapidly
traveling biological nightmare
that brought 14th century
mankind to its knees.
What do you guys know about this thing?
- I know very little.
I just know it was devastating.
- The idea of using great as the adjective
has always been kind of curious to me.
- Like World War One, the great war?
- The great plague made
people cough up blood,
and then they had to bury them in pits
and then set the pits on fire.
- Yeah, it was no good.
- So that they wouldn't
contaminate others.
But great plague, though!
Good one, really good.
(Steven laughs)
- A good question to kick
things off is probably
Where'd this thing come from?
And how'd it turn into such a go-getter?
Well, nobody's certain, but
most put the plague's origin
somewhere in the remote
regions of Mongolia.
Based on contemporary reports
of mysterious maladies,
it may have spent some
time bouncing around
smaller populations in
Northern China in the 1330s,
but would really explode in 1347.
And as for its biological tenacity,
before we understand
anything about the plague,
we must first understand
three key organisms
in this global dance of death.
The bacteria, the flea, and the rat.
You guys get rats in LA?
- I was once in my classroom,
actually, in high school
and a rat fell from the
ceiling and hit a girl's desk,
and my teacher pushed a child
out of the way and said,
"every man for himself."
- That's pretty funny.
- He ain't no Professor,
I'll tell you that.
- The plague as we know it is
caused by a little bacteria
called yersinia pestis,
a very tough little guy.
Not only can it be spread by fleas,
it can be spread by 21
different species of fleas.
According to author John Kelly,
it can affect rats, squirrels,
gerbils, prairie dogs,
and roughly two hundred
other rodent species.
- [Steven] Oh wow.
- So this pesky bacteria
was actually called pest?
- Pestis!
Yeah.
- Is that actually
where pest derives from?
- Maybe?
- Your glasses fell again.
- Oh, no, your glasses!
- Shit!
That happens when I get really excited.
- I think you need to
get fitted for your nose
a little bit better.
- So, most of those,
hey, who cares?
I mean the world wasn't
overrun with prairie dogs
in the 1300s.
Would've been pretty cool, though.
Right?
- Sure, yeah.
- I'd love it.
Rats, though!
Rats!
Rats are the big problem here.
Specifically, Rattus
rattus, the black rat.
Nearly invincible rodent that
can sire millions of offspring
and chew through, among
other things, lead pipes.
And when you put three
of those things together,
there's a nasty little
biological menage a trois
that goes down.
Ah, oh!
- [Ryan] Oh, no!
- The red light can only mean
we've arrived at our first question.
What do you think happens
when an infected flea
crosses paths with a rat?
A, the infected flea burrows
into the rat and dies there.
B, the infected flea vomits into the rat.
Or C, the infected flea
sits in the rats brain
and controls it like that
little guy in "Men in Black".
- I like this quill.
- I love it.
- While you fill out your answers,
I'll show you what
you're playing for here.
- That's what I wanna know.
- Behold, the coveted cup
of the history master!
(chimes tinkling)
- Is that a hand I see?
- No!
- [Steven] Whose watch is that?
- Huh? (scoffs)
(laughing)
Bet you guys wanna win that, huh?
- Yeah, sure man.
Does it come with the hand?
- Ryan, what did you put?
- I put A, but I would
very much like it to be C
because that's more novel to me.
- Very good, Steven?
- I put A as well because I cannot imagine
a flea vomiting after a night at the club.
- (chuckles) A little puke puddle.
- A night at the club,
I like that. (chuckles)
Well, let's find out.
(cymbals crash)
- Jesus!
Someone just shot the professor.
I think I got hit by a sniper.
(dishes clattering)
- What do you think of that
trophy that we're winning?
- I forgot already.
- Oh, heh heh.
- Oh, well!
- Whoa!
- Well, gosh, what a lovely night!
I don't know how a rat
like me got so lucky
livin' in a time like this,
when the streets are
absolutely caked with scum.
- That's a rat?
- That is a--
- Yeah, I'm a rat!
- An attempt a Brooklyn accent?
(rat laughs)
- Kinda look like a kangaroo.
- Like a kangaroo, didn't know ever
- Your voice changed drastically!
- No!
- You went from Brooklyn accent
to timid mouse in a house.
- I think this rat's
work-shopping accents on the fly.
- Hey, boy with the strawberry
hair, what's your name?
- Oh, I'm big apple Steve.
- Oh, big apple, where
they got the Broadway!
- Yeah, that's right.
- Hey, when you go to Broadway,
do you yell at the people on stage?
- Ah, no.
- I'm in the middle of a scene!
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
- Apologies to the mouse.
- Where was I?
Gosh, what a lovely night!
- Oh, hey.
- Oh, well if it ain't
my old pal, Mister Flea.
Here to deliver one of his
classic bites, no doubt.
Well have at it, you pesky devil.
(flea clears throat)
Hey, uh, Mister Flea, you know,
you don't look so good.
You eat some bad sushi or something?
(flea retches)
- [Steven] No way!
(gurgling)
He vomits?
- Oh my god.
- Did you just bite me, and
then also vomit onto me?
(flea retches)
This is not what friends do!
- Remember how I said I can't
picture a flea vomiting?
Yeah.
- He did a good job of
making you picture it.
- Yeah, actually, I get it now, yeah.
- Oh, jesus christ.
- Well, it turns out it vomits
into that old funny rat,
so I guess neither of you get points.
- Aw, man.
- Oh, wow.
So it bites the rat, and
then vomits into the wound?
- Yes, yes what you witnessed there.
What happens is, the plague
bacteria infects the flea,
causes a buildup to
form in the flea's gut,
which causes two bad things.
One, the flea never
actually ingests anything,
and therefore desperately
continues to bite whatever it can.
And two, without any gut to go to,
the blood, now infected, is
then vomited back into the bite,
almost assuring the spread
of all yersinia pestis.
- Good old fashioned double tap.
- Yeah, so you take that lethal cocktail,
add in a few environmental factors.
Some historians point to
that region experiencing
earthquakes, floods, and
famines in the 1330s and 1340s.
Events very likely to drive rats
out of their natural
habitat in search of food.
On top of that, you
suddenly have trade routes
spanning the continent.
So now, any rats stowed away
in a loose sack of grain
might end up halfway across the hemisphere
in a matter of weeks.
(exciting music)
Question!
What other horrific factor
contributed to the plague?
A, the popularity of
a dish called rat pie,
B, the streets being
caked in piles of innards,
or C, the rising belief that
flea bites were gifts from god.
- [Steven] Oh, this one's easy.
- Ryan?
- I'm gonna go with B.
Most of those European
streets back in the day
were caked with poop.
- Steven?
- That's how actually a lot
of artifacts got preserved.
- I'm going with B as in Bergara as well.
- A couple of B boys!
- Double Bs.
- Well, other John Kelly
paints a lovely picture.
Quote, "In most cities
the butchers' district
"was a Goya-esque horror
of animal remains.
"Rivers of blood seeped into
nearby gardens and parks,
"and piles of hearts,
livers, and intestines
"accumulated under the
butchers' bloody boots,
"attracting swarms of rats."
- Wait, hold up, hold up, hold up.
This seems a little lazy.
- Huh?
- We're not gonna get a
little skit here, or anything?
- We got more skits coming.
- I feel like I need a skit right now.
- That's a lot of,
ah, ah, okay, hang on.
(cymbals crash)
- Man, did I really just
cause him to skit this?
- I think he's improvising.
- Wow, what a lovely day.
(blows raspberry)
Oops, I stepped in some poop.
(somber music)
(laughs)
- Was is worth it?
- No!
- Did you feel like you were
transported to another time?
- Do you have any idea
who you're talking to?
Not me, but that's big
apple Steve right there.
He hails from Broadway.
He's a high theater critic.
- That's, yeah well.
- It's true, I've seen "Wicked" before.
- Well, as stated, there
was also the issue of
torrential downpour of human feces,
as it was customary for
residents to empty chamber pots
out of the window.
- Gross.
- There was one generally
accepted rule of thumb
when tossing those turds.
(exciting music)
- Oh!
- Question time!
- Can you guess the
socially expected courtesy
when tossing your turds?
Write your answers.
- [Steven] Oh!
- [The Professor] I will
not give you multiple choice
this time.
- How do you toss turds?
- You throw 'em out your window.
- Sketch that for me?
Actually, don't do that, please.
- Uh, Ryan, what'd you put?
- I would say you would need
to say a phrase or something
to alert said pedestrian
that a turd's about to
hit them in the head.
- Sort of like a fore?
- Yeah, so I went with tally-ho,
or I also thought about bombs away.
- Sure.
Tally-ho, here comes a poop; Steven.
- I went with poop fore.
- [The Professor] Poop fore!
- Yeah.
- [The Professor] That's good.
- And that's probably where
that came from in golf,
if this is accurate.
- Ah.
The common courtesy was to shout,
"Look at below", not
once, but three times.
- Oh
- Mmm.
- And then you just go
ahead and loose your stools
upon the world.
I'm gonna give that point to Ryan.
- What?
- Because I think tally-ho
is a little more fun
than poop fore.
(laughing)
- Poop fore?
Hey, four is, like, almost three.
- All right, moving along.
The whole apocalyptic horror
show really kicked off
in October of 1347 when 12 Genoese ships
pulled into a Sicilian port
and the men who got off were,
ah, they were puss and bones.
They were just like walking
skeletons, basically.
- Oh, like "Pirates of the
Caribbean: Black Pearl".
- Yeah!
- You look like blue Elmo.
- Did you?
He just talked about men
walking off and being the
human embodiment of skeletons.
- Oh that's right, you're blue Grover.
- I guess Sully from "Monsters inc"
- No, Grover's blue Grover, you idiot!
- You know this guy Shane Madej?
- You look like a blue version of him.
- No, I don't!
(dramatic music)
You know, nobody goes
up to Kermit and says,
"Hey, how's Jim?"
- So you are familiar with
the concept of a puppet,
as a puppet?
- I, I, you know,
- Are you sentient?
- That's very self-aware.
- Dropping yersinia pestis
into an urban setting was like
dropping a match into a
swimming pool full of gasoline.
There were three distinct
forms of the plague
that ravaged the land.
Bubonic, pneumonic, and septicemic.
(exciting music)
Which would you rather have?
A, septicemic plague.
B, pneumonic plague.
Or C, bubonic plague.
(Ryan laughs)
- I do not know what these are.
- Ryan, what'd you put?
- I put B because septic is
poop, like a septic tank.
Bubonic, obviously bad.
You said pneumonic?
- Pneumonic.
- Makes me think of pneumatic.
- Oh, like at a bank.
- Yeah, so when you put
like a little important file
or document in a little tube, it's--
- No, it's not a dunk,
it's more of a thunk.
- No, I think it's more of like a dunk.
- It's more like a thunk.
- Dunk.
- Thunk.
- Dunk.
- Thunk.
Steve, what'd you put?
- Isn't pneum related to the lungs?
- Yes.
- So I thought, you know, I wanna breathe.
- Sure.
- So I chose A, septicemic.
- Well, let's learn about them,
and see if you made the right choice.
(cymbal crashes)
- [Steven] Pull that curtain down!
- I got too obsessed with the thunk sound.
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
- I don't feel well and
that's because I have
classic bubonic plague.
After being bit by a flea,
I developed black egg-shaped
swellings on my neck, and under my arms.
These are called buboes.
- What?
Wait, what?
Sorry, say that again.
- They're called buboes.
- They're called buboes?
- They're called buboes.
A funny name for the source
of my greatest dread.
In a short while, more
splotches will riddle my body.
(laughing)
I will literally reek of death.
And there's a 60% chance I'm a goner.
- Guy's got the buboes.
- This sucks.
- [Steven] Sense of humor when I'm dying.
- Hey.
- Oh, shit!
- Oh!
- I don't feel well either.
- You don't look well.
- You have the same voice as guy one.
- That's because I have pneumonic plague.
Which is what happens
when the plague bacteria
travels to the lungs.
(coughing)
- [Ryan] Team B.
Just my luck, I guess. (chuckles)
Anyway, there's a 95% chance I'll die.
- Oh, you down, Ryan!
- But no buboes on your neck.
(coughs) But not before
I start coughing up blood
and spending three days
ceaselessly vomiting.
(retches)
- But, all this clear of buboes?
- This sucks.
- C'mon, septo!
(teeth chattering)
Under 60.
- I don't feel well, either.
And that's because I
have septicemic plague,
the rarest, but worst form.
- Oh, no!
- That means the plague
has entered directly
into my bloodstream.
- You'll get 'em next time, pal.
- If that sounds bad,
that's because it really is.
I have a 100% chance of dying.
- No way, there's always
a chance of living!
- And by the time I realize I'm even sick,
I'll only have about 14
and a half hours left
on this mortal coil.
Good thing I've got a short bucket list.
A fun treat for me is that my extremities
will turn black, and harden.
- Wait, there's nothing
to do with pooping?
You don't poop yourself to death?
- No.
(Ryan laughs)
- If you're all dead, why
are you still standing?
Okay, nobody gets points.
- I mean, I have a 5% chance of living.
- I have,
- 0% chance.
- I have a chance.
- [Ryan] Oh, jesus!
You almost killed the first guy.
- Huh?
- [Steven] And your glasses fell off.
- Fuck, I forgot these
guys are still out here.
All right.
How you guys doing, you hanging in there?
- We're good, who gets the points?
- I'm gonna give that point to Ryan
because he only had a 95% chance of dying,
whereas Steven is a goner.
- I don't even want that trophy anyway.
I want his satchel.
- You don't even know
what's in my satchel.
- I kind of don't wanna know.
- I wanna know.
- Oh, you wanna know.
Go on, open it up.
- No I'm not gonna up--
- Open up my satchel.
- I'm opening up the satchel.
Can I open it?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- There's not gonna be anything in there.
- [Steven] Oh, my gosh!
- Wait, is there actually
something in there?
- [Steven] Wow!
- Wait, is there jelly beans in there?
- No, no, you can't look, you can't look.
- No, wait, if there's
jelly beans in there,
I want a jelly bean.
- Yeah, go on.
(dramatic percussive music)
(laughing)
- It is jelly beans.
- It's actually jelly beans!
Are you gonna eat that?
You don't know where it's been.
That could be puppet poop.
- Don't matter.
I'll die for a jelly bean, baby.
It was delicious.
- Do puppet poop jelly beans?
- You know what, you're
okay in my book, Professor.
- Thank you!
- You're okay.
- Needless to say,
those were all pretty gruesome ways to go.
And it was happening everywhere.
The records are shoddy.
Most historians put the
mortality rate around 30 to 40%,
and in highly populated areas,
it could have been as high as 50-60%.
(exciting music)
- Oh!
- This is not a question, but a challenge.
In the folders next to you,
there are tiny envelopes.
And in each of those tiny envelopes,
is your fate.
One of three of us will not make it.
Now, I already opened
mine, and I live, so.
- Oh, man.
- Oh, I do like this tiny
little letter, that's kinda fun.
- You wanna swap envelopes?
- No.
- Oh, like the old Monty Hall?
- You sure?
- You think it's worth it?
- I think I'm good, I'm
gonna keep my envelope.
- Envelope.
- Envelope, envelope?
I think envelope.
- Envelope.
(dramatic music)
- What?
- Hey, look, it says I remain alive.
- Well, no,
"Congratulations, you have died.
"Plus one history point."
- [The Professor] Oh!
Let's just bask in this for a moment,
and try to feel the weight of
a world without Steven Lim.
(melancholic piano music)
- [Steven] He's not real, it's a puppet.
- [The Professor] Yes, I am.
- [Steven] No, you're not real.
- [The Professor] Yes, I am.
- [Steven] How do you toss turds?
- Well, he was a good guy,
and I don't know what else
to say about him, really.
- Wow.
- Back to the plague.
Most hilarious part of
this whole thing, to me,
is that everybody who was supposed to have
answers for this stuff,
doctors, church leaders,
they had no idea.
Some renowned blowhard in
Paris said it was caused
by a strange alignment of the planets.
- Could you say that sentence again?
I got distracted.
- Why?
- No reason.
- Well, god-fearing folks
just chalked the thing up
to divine wrath.
Most of them probably thought it was
the genuine end of days.
There was a weird response to that
in the form of the flagellants,
a group of people who
toured from town to town
that show up, whip
themselves to a bloody pulp,
as the local townsfolk cheered them on,
then writhe on the ground as the locals
dipped their handkerchiefs
in fresh puddles of blood.
- They called themselves the flatulence?
- [The Professor] No. (laughs)
- [Steven] What did you say?
- That's what it sounded like.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- Did they go town farting?
- The flagellants.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Like
- No, we get it, yeah.
- Flagelling?
And as for doctors, they
actually tried their best,
but they also fell short.
A lot of them blamed, quote, infected air.
Which is sort of close,
but they prescribed
things like bloodletting
and opening northern facing windows.
(exciting music)
Which of these other strange
things was prescribed
by doctors?
A, huffing toilets.
B, wine enemas.
Or C, snorting ground-up wasp wings.
- I'm already locked in, baby.
- I'm locked in.
- Ryan.
- I'm gonna go with B, wine enemas,
because I could see maybe
how they would think
that would flush the system.
- Okay, and Steven?
- I went with C.
- C!
Snorting--
- [Steven] The wasps.
- Ground-up wasp wings.
Well, one physician noticed
that latrine cleaners
seemed less vulnerable,
which resulted in scores
of people huffing actual
- No way.
- Human fecal fumes.
- No way.
- So, point to nobody.
As you can imagine, once the
death toll started to rise,
things got real grim.
Businesses closed up
shop, people left town,
carts made daily rounds
to collect the previous night's deceased.
It wasn't long before
bodies were piling up.
At night, dogs and pigs would feast
on the shallowly buried bodies.
With the graveyards filled,
in some areas they dug mass burial pits.
Elsewhere they dropped hundreds of corpses
into a nearby river to take them to
well, who the hell cares?
- Yeah, as you would.
- Somewhere else.
In this kind of atmosphere,
you can understand how people might just
totally throw in the towel.
In the novel "The Plague",
the narrator exemplifies
this emotional exhaustion.
Quote, "None of us was
capable of exalted emotion;"
and had, all had, sorry.
In his novel, ugh.
(laughs) Gather yourself, Professor.
- It's toasty back here.
(laughs)
"None of us was capable
of exalted emotion;
"all had trite, monotonous feeling.
"'It's high time it
stopped' people would say."
- As you would say
when all of your family members are dying.
- It's high time this stopped.
- High time this would stop.
- I'm gonna start using that.
(laughs)
- Me, the puppet.
- It's high time this would,
but they said it in a British
accent, though, right?
- I mean, it was all over Europe, so.
- High time this would stop.
- It's high time it
(laughs) is that German?
I don't know what that was.
Well, the constant
looming specter of death
also seeped into art.
If you'll look in your folders
at the supplementary materials.
- [Steven] Oh!
- Take them one at a time, here.
You'll find some art from
someone who lived through
the trauma of the plague,
Hans Holbein the Younger.
And it features the dance macabre imagery
that arose around the time.
- Oh!
There's a child.
Oh, no!
(The Professor laughs)
- Oh god, that's great stuff.
- Oh this is not funny.
- [Ryan] No, that is pretty good stuff.
- I do appreciate that.
- Oh, that was dark.
- [The Professor] No, don't take our baby!
- The funniest thing about it is the
nice little night-cap that he has on.
- [The Professor] Yeah.
- Hey, but that kid's
shirt's pretty fashionable.
- [Ryan] Yeah, that's
the new Kanye collection.
- [Steven] That really (laughs) is.
- Well, in what must have
seemed like a miracle,
the plague would largely
run its course by 1351.
Luckily the rats carrying the plague
were not actually native
to Western Europe,
so once the disease burned
through the population,
it could no longer sustain itself.
Four years of constant gripping terror,
and for what?
Well I'll tell you what.
There were some baller
upsides to this whole thing
that nobody ever talks about.
So let's count our blessings.
(exciting music)
Which of these was an
unexpected upside of the plague?
A, it killed a very bad pope.
B, it raised minimum wage.
C, people made sheds out of bones.
- Raised the minimum wage.
Supply, demand, let's
see that economic curve.
- This is what Jeff
Chang has in mind, right?
- [The Professor] This
is like a very depressing
"Shark Tank".
- I go B.
- I'm gonna go B as well.
- Couple of B's!
My B boys again.
- Yeah, we go riding hard.
- Points for both of you.
The job market was boomin'!
So landlords tended to
employ numerous workers,
and since the workforce was
in some places almost halved,
they were desperate to
hire whoever they could
which allowed the workers
to up their asking price.
- Simple economics.
- And while this would
eventually level out a bit,
it still permanently tipped the scales
for the working class,
and granted them both bargaining power,
and a previously unseen confidence.
So, despite the silver lining,
there's no getting around the fact
that the plague was one of,
if not the most devastating blows,
issued to humanity.
To better illustrate that,
one last shot at history points.
(exciting music)
If the plague happened today
and took an equivalent
toll on the population,
how many people would die?
- [Steven] Oh!
- [The Professor] A, nearly 956 million.
B, nearly 1.9 billion.
Or C, nearly 7.53 billion.
- I actually don't know how many people
there are on the planet.
- Really?
- I really don't, yeah.
- That's a number you
should probably get to know.
Is this double points here?
- Yeah, you know what, yeah!
- Wait what the hell,
you can't just make that up on the spot!
- Yeah, I did, it's double points!
- Hey!
- Ryan, what'd you put?
- I put C
- You put C?
- You are so wrong.
- That's right.
- And Steven, what'd you put?
- I put B because there are about
7 billion people on this earth,
and a third of them would
be around two billion.
- That's exactly right, 1.9
is the estimated figure.
Grim!
So the finally history
point goes to Steven.
This concludes our history lesson.
I'm going to go tally
up the scores to see who
receives the coveted cup and
the title of history master.
While I do that, please enjoy
this special performance
from, let's see, who do we have this week?
Ah yes, death!
(suspenseful music)
♪ You know during that
funny little plague ♪
♪ I worked some long hours ♪
♪ And at the end of most days ♪
♪ My dogs were barkin' ♪
♪ But you know what they say ♪
♪ If you love what you do ♪
♪ You'll never work a day in your life ♪
♪ Tell ya what I think it sure is fun ♪
♪ To make people die ♪
♪ You should see how
friggin' funny ya look ♪
♪ When the lights go out of your eyes ♪
♪ Lights go out of your eyes ♪
- My god.
♪ And man I miss that old bubonic plague ♪
♪ What a treat ♪
♪ What a hoot ♪
♪ What a gas ♪
♪ Seein' pigs eat bodies in the street ♪
♪ TBH it kinda kicked ass ♪
- This is intolerable.
- This is amazing!
♪ Bodies here ♪
♪ Bodies there ♪
♪ Bodies everywhere ♪
♪ Lumpy people droppin' left and right ♪
♪ The putrid smell of
rotting flesh in the air ♪
♪ Ah but all good things come to an end ♪
♪ And to be honest ♪
♪ I needed a rest ♪
♪ But I'll never forget
how great it felt ♪
♪ To cash that overtime check ♪
(clapping)
- All right, sure, why not.
- Yes.
- C'mon, that was quite
- I don't know if it
was standing O worthy.
- That was quite standing worthy
- I don't know if it was
standing O worthy, but.
- I want that guy to narrate next time.
- What?
What'd you say, Steven?
- Uh-oh, ah, nothing.
Nothing about you.
You're doing a good job with the curtain.
- Thank you.
- Well done.
- When you were backstage,
he said you sucked.
- No, no no.
I do love the man who decides
my fate with the trophy.
- He said you stunk big time,
and then he made a fart noise.
- Well let's give it up for
that wonderful performance.
What a guy.
(claps)
- Yeah, it was good.
- What a guy!
And now, for the total scores.
It appears that Steven Lim
- That's right.
- Is our history master
with five history points!
- Five points, baby!
- [Ryan] Bogus!
- 'Cause I died!
- Steven, come collect
the coveted history cup.
- Thank you.
- You are the history master.
- I'm gonna walk by you slowly
so that you can see who won.
- You don't deserve it.
You don't deserve that!
You don't deserve that!
- Oh my god!
And I have a bottle of jelly
beans inside the trophy.
- Again, that is my poop.
- I don't think he ever
mentioned that before.
- Well, thank you for
watching "Puppet History".
We will see you next time.
Thank you to Steven,
again, for joining us.
- No thank you to me?
(Steven laughs)
- What just happened?
- Hey, open your mouth.
I got you.
- That was not even
- That was a lot worse.
One more, one more, one more.
- All right.
- [Ryan] You're just
gonna waste jelly beans.
- I'll see you later, guys.
- You didn't thank me, Professor!
- [The Professor] Bye, Ryan.
(laughs)
(jovial music)
