Hi everyone. I'm rincey and this is
rincey reads. Today i'm going to be doing
a book review on know my name by Chanel
Miller. This is a really good book. We can
just start off with my general opinion.
This is a very good book. So this book
came out last year. And over on book
riot I made a video talking about the
books that I like regretted not getting
to last year. I'll link that up in the
cards in case you're interested in
seeing that. But basically this is the
number one book on that list. I was very
sad that I didn't end up making time for
this book last year. And I'll kind of get
into a little bit more later about why I
didn't. But hearing everyone talk about
it, especially as they you know put this
book on their year-end best of lists and
stuff like that, I realized I basically
made a mistake. I bought the audiobook of
this last year but I just didn't get
around to listening to it or I didn't
make the time to listen to it. And so
again, seeing everyone rave about this
book at the end of last year made me
want to really prioritize this one. So I
listened to it and I literally finished
listening to it today and I immediately
went out and bought the hardcover book
because I knew that I wanted a physical
copy of this book. So if you aren't aware,
this is a memoir and Chanel Miller is
someone who was raped and it kind of
became an infamous case. If you aren't
aware she was the Emily Doe in the
brock turner case. She was raped on
Stanford's campus and then you know went
through the whole trial and everything
like that as an anonymous victim. And
then basically at the end of the trial,
her victim statement was posted on
BuzzFeed, again anonymously by a reporter
at BuzzFeed and with her permission< and
it ended up going viral. And from that
point on, she continued to remain
basically an anonymous person until she put
out this book. So one of the reasons why
I personally didn't pick up this book
right away is partially because I've
been having a hard time picking up books
that feel too real. So I haven't read
like she said or catch and kill just
because I feel like
those are all events that were all still
kind of living in. And having to read
about those really difficult situations
was a thing that like last year I don't
know if I really had the capacity for.
I recognize there's a significant amount
of privilege in that and being able to
turn a blind eye to a certain extent. But
the way everyone wrote or talked about
this book, made me feel like this is
definitely one of them that's like worth
making the time for. And it is. Again I
listen to this on audio and I think that
that's an amazing way to experience
this book. Chanel Miller reads it herself
and hearing that emotion put behind the
words that she wrote makes it like even
more powerful. I did have to take a
number of breaks from listening to the
book. I basically listened to it while
walking around. And so I would take a
chapter in every day approximately and
that's about all I could handle without
getting extremely enraged at the world
or just upset at the things that she had
to deal with. She talks very openly and
very honestly about her experiences.
Obviously she doesn't remember the
incident itself very clearly because she
did like pass out or black out for that
part of that night. It isn't graphic in
that sense but obviously she does have
to like recall what exactly happened to
her. But I think like the parts that are
sometimes even more angering is like the
process that she's had to deal with
afterward. The way that she's treated or
dismissed or belittled, the way that the
entire trial went down. Even like knowing
how it all turned out in the end, I was
still extremely surprised by like the
lack of compassion treated towards
people who have to deal with these
situations or you know the victims in
these situations and the lack of
understanding for what they're going
through. The way that our trial and
justice system is just like so
inefficient and ineffective in so many
ways. You know, she talks about how you
know she was barely able to work or have
a job because she also didn't know like
when the trial was going to be and when
she'd be have to be in court and how she
like didn't want to tell everyone that
she was Emily Doe. She would like make up
excuses for why she had to miss
work and after certain points you just
realized there was no point in working
anymore. And then also like how her and
entire like family and friends lives who
knew were disrupted by this trial and
this case as well. And that like they're
forced to basically at a moment's notice
change things around in order to show up
for these days and stuff like that. Like
all of that is just so infuriating and
annoying and it's like completely
surprising that anything is accomplished
through our justice system sometimes. But
the other great thing about this book is
that it's extremely beautifully written
and Chanel Miller is just like so
reflective in such a wise way about her
experiences and the things that she's
gone through. There were a number of
passages in here that I just thought
were so beautifully written and so
poignant. I actually want to read two of
them for you guys. I don't remember the
exact context but it's like before the
trial is happening basically while she's
back home, she's talking about like
meeting up with some friends for dinner
one night. "I was careful to gently shift
the conversation away from myself. If
there's anything I've learned, it's how
much you can get away with by saying
"work." It's almost concerning. Why are you
home? Work. It's been a while since I've
seen you. Work. We should get lunch next week.
Can't, I said, work. You look tired. Work, I
said. Totally, they said. I feel you. What I
wanted to say was trial. When they said,
how are you, I wanted to say
terrified. When one said, you look tiny, I
wanted to say that's not always a good
thing. They walked away thinking we had
caught up while I held the quiet
knowledge that they knew nothing. Like
man. And then the other passage that I
just thought like is so on the nose for
so many things, not just like if you've
been in the situation I feel like just
everyone in general can relate to it. She
is talking about the process right
before the trial started, jury selection
is happening and so she's writing about
one of the days that she's waiting.
I got a haircut, just to trim. I took my
car to Lozano's carwash where there was
free popcorn and lemonade. And the
meditation of watching my car glide
through the soapy moppy headed beast.
I looked for jobs on Craigslist, wrote
three sentences of a cover letter. I biked
to get a burrito, I drank from an expired coke
can, sat wearing my helmet on a bench at
the park. I took a photo of the burrito
and posted it online.
I received 32 likes. It was a joke with
myself, playing tricks on the world.
People believed I was enjoying my
afternoon when in reality I was about to
face my rapist. How creepy it was that we
could conceal these stories. How easy it
was to pretend the slivers we show, the
mountains we hide." 
Like stab me in the heart,
Chanel Miller. But yeah, this book is just
like full of all these really observant
musings about trauma and what we choose
to share with people and what we don't.
Like obviously Chanel Miller hid a
significant part of her life for so long
from so many people. And she talks about
that tightrope walk she basically did
for years because there were certain
people where she would share with them
and there would always be that moment
right before she shared where she would
kind of debate with herself about what
she was about to say and if she should
say it. Or you know just completely
hiding it, like in that first passage,
from the people around her and no one
really knowing who she was in relation
to this case. And how like after her
statement came out on BuzzFeed, people
would send that link to her asking if
she had read it or telling her that she
should check it out and things like that.
But there's also just like a ton of like
hope in here. Obviously Chanel
Miller has seen a lot and experienced a
lot but she does a really great job of
spending a lot of time talking about the
ways that she was supported. Like after
the Emily Doe statement came out,
the outpouring of expression from other
people who have been in the situation,
the way that different people that she
would never imagine would read the
statement ended up reading the statement
and sending her letters indirectly or
talking about it publicly and things
like that. And she kind of was amazed at
the fact that by being vulnerable and
open to a certain degree, she was able to
invite people into what she had
experienced and get support and get help
and you know just feel less alone and
things like that. And it's such a great testament to
the way that we all probably should be
living our lives. So yeah, I love this
book. I don't think that's like a
surprise to anyone here. But I was just
surprised by how taken I was by it.
Towards the end she talks about how you
know so many of us like turn to stories
like this and want the happy ending but
there isn't really a happy ending to
this one and she refuses to like give in
to that and just like put a positive
spin on it all because she's been
extremely like hurt and been through a
lot of really difficult things and it's
not something that you can just put a
pretty bow on. And-- but I think that she
does a really great job of just not
dwelling in it too much to make it too
hard to read. But yeah, it's also just
like amazingly written. Like Chanel
Miller is a great writer. And I think
that part of that has to do with the
fact that this book came out years after
the trial and everything. I can imagine
like an alternate universe where she had
put out the victims statement with her
name actually on it and like publishing
rushing to get a book out from her. But I
think that the time and the space
between the statement and the trial and
the book coming out provided it with the
opportunity to be a stronger story.
Because she talks about the aftermath
and she talks about the things that have
happened since then in terms of the #metoo
movement and Harvey Weinstein and Larry
Nasser and all of these different
stories and trials that have been coming
out. And I think that it also just helped
give her, probably, perspective and time to
be able to talk about these things with
a good perspective and write about them
in this like really beautiful way. So
yeah, obviously I highly recommend this
book and you all should pick it up if
you haven't already. So that is
everything I have for this week. Let me
know down the comments below if you've
read this book. I know plenty of you have.
So talk to me about it down in the
comments below. Or if you have any
questions feel free to leave that down
in the comment section as well. So yeah,
that's all I have for now and thanks for watching.
