Top O' The Morning To Ya Laddies!
My Name Is Jacksepticeye And Welcome Back To Paradigm
i dont know how to get into this guy's house
uhh
lets go use his space dust sign
uhh
maybe solve the world's problems?
*reads* strange pod-like spaceship
thanks...
*chuckles*
why is there a Japanese spaceship in here?
I don't know man, I don- I don't think i can do anything else with any of the rest of this
so... I'm just gonna move on. Also, people pointed out that the dude's...
like his journal entry said that it was 420 or the twentieth of the fourth
now we're going out here
FUCK YEAH!
ugh.. what is that thing in the top right?
look at my hand so tiny!!
Jesus, we have a pigeon up here-
*music plays when cursor hovers over the bird*
*dances like the adorable bean he is*
*pauses*
*starts dancing again but pauses when the music stops*
 
*dancing continues*
*pauses once more*
pigeon up here just listening to some fat beatsies
also, is the entire game based around me trying to make fat beatsies?
am i constantly making my way towards making more fat beatsies?
"the mountains" lets look at it
*chuckles*
this thing is just belching at me
I also like how it says "not a drug dealer"
completely totally not a drug dealer!
yeah
you're like me putting up a sign outside my house saying "jacksepticeye does not live here"
umm... right
uh, le-let's move forward
good lord, can you move any faster there Paradigm?
yeah
can you just fucking go?
keep walking, yes it's a long road,
but how many roads must a man walk down before a tumor grows out of his head and starts talking to him
apparently, not many cause that already happened
*reads* would you like to fast travel?
mmm, yeah, make me walk
sorry Paradigm, but i like jokes more than i like fast travel
so keep on going
there's a tower, look at that
they died building this one specific tower
let's actually look at the house
yeah a drug dealer's house you know like... an evil villian
like it looks like lair, like it looks like somewhere James Bond would break into
this fuckin' pigeon's the best
'ima call you Squakers
yes!!
stairs!!
well your calves are about to turn into cows
get on up there
there we go, see secret tunnel,
Secret tunnel!
Secret tunnel!
Another belching bird.
*laughs*
I-I guess they can't fly.*laughs*
Fuckin' baller baby!
Is that the bodyguard? I'm scary.
*Paradigm breathing heavily*
You're fine Paradigm, don't worry about it.
me too (same lmao)
Uh, lets check the really *amazingly* hidden camera in the bush!
*chuckles*
This game's alright, man
Yeah!
I-I wanna make a fort!
There's a duporganiser here, let's use it.
This is from 'Noscam K'. No scam, really?
Occupation, *real ghost*
*reading* Hey, you there. Yes you,
This is for you, my dear friend...
...Paragayber... (nailed it)
I'm stuck inside this duporganiser.
Please help me get my soul out of here, otherwise I'll be stuck in here for all eternity. Just follow this link...
...Okay... And put it in your credit card details and I'll be free... -_-
Clever.
Please friend, you are my only hope. After I will give you my inheritance valued at...
...three hundred and thirty million VCD straight into your cheque account.
Can I actually click on the link?
No, I can't even click on the link.
I can click on a poop!
or a penis!
Nah, sorry...
I'm not really going to.. ah... invest... in you.
Eh, I'm not getting scammed. Even thought it said no scam.
*laughs a bit*
What is this,
Someone loves butts, apparently
C-Can I have the pocket knife?
Pick up
Yes, take it. There we go!
*I am smart spoon, in Russian??*
I don't know what he actually said,
Was that actual, real... Russian? (idk either Jack)
(Relatable)
My man
My- Who doesn't love a good butt?
uhh..
Lets choose this! Hello? Paradigm tumor head guy?
Remember?
c'mon
Uhh...
Hello, I have some cookies here to sell.
I was hoping to get something for my back pain,
Uhh.. do you have a cup of sugar? By any chance?
Really love a cup of sugar..
I would like a burger with a side of life-changing, third-eye-opening drugs.
Have you considered a new life insurance plan,
I would like to purchase some space dust.
Uhh.. Cookies!
That's a pretty good deal!
I guess I'll just say all of them until I get to space dust.
..Like some space dust.
*laughs*
Why do you go from getting something for back pain, to breast reduction surgery?
I would like a burger with a side of life-changing, third-eye-opening drugs.
Also called a number two at Mcdonalds.
uh.. get good at time signatures.
Listen to the man!
He knows what he's talking about dudes!
C'mon, would a guy with a giant tumor in his head lie to you?
I don't think so!
*laughs*
Will he?
It's not even a speech bubble it's just speech.
*laughs again*
*giggles*
Well...
Is-as scary as that is, I still would like some space dust please!
I mean... umm..
Some moon rocks ;)
I'm not a cop. If I were a policeman, could I do this- I wanna see what he does.
*laughs*
So you do talk, and not only do you talk, but it's your statues talk, and you're Jason Statham.
(?) (I probably got that wrong)
*laughs again*
I was.. supposed to do something.
We ran out of budget though, I didn't have enough for the explosions.
*SWAGGER OVER 9000*
*SEAN SENSUAL STEIN IN THE HOUSE YO*
(My kinda music B) )
*laughs*
Rap rap rappity rap! I'm rappin'!
C'mon that was pretty good!
I hated the Police Academy movies.
I cannot pick that one because nobody hates the Police Academy movies.
They're good, family-friendly fun!
See!!
Yeah.. They kinda got shit then.
*INCREDIBLE STAR WARS REFERNCE*
*laughs*
Super fun!
I'm always trying to pick the last one,
Or the one that I think would actually get me in, because I wanna hear all of the dialogue options.
*laughs*
*giggles*
*laughs*
*what the fuck*
He has a point.
He has a point.
eBayski
Ahh cri- Butt observatory! Look at it up there in the top left!
...yeahhhhhhh...
What do I have in my inventory?
I have a serrated spoon. It actually was a serrated spoon!
We also got a Krusz Army Knife then.
umm
I *have* to go to the Butt Observatory.
*whispers* It's amazing-
Hey it's Morty! (omg I just noticed)
John's calling me. Hello John!
*stereotypical Australian accent* G'day!
(That's not what we sound like -_-)
Yeah it was me.
Weird.
Oh God I remember those sounds!
Some of you who're too young, won't remember those sounds.
This was an actual way of life.
Yes.
Oh yeah..
Uh oh...
Woah!
*Explosion*
Wait!
What?!
Oh God his face melted off!!
*Whispers* you little fucker..
*laughs*
Same.
bYe
*laughs*
Butt stains.. Ewww!
What is this?
Launchpad model..
Heh, neato!
*Laughs*
So the things aren't broken it just has two pieces of paper taped on the other side...
*Laughs again*
Ohh what's up here? Mountain Castle.
*whispers* What's up there?
That's fair enough, I know the type.
They do a lot of squats.
Ohhh..
Yes.. and uh.. we have the Soviet symbol here.. just slightly changed.
*Laughs*
*Laughs* Like comet and conform! Haha! That's brilliant!
ahh...I would end all my videos with that if it didn't get me into a lot of trouble.
I also like that these are nuclear weapon facilities, need to launch stuff out of the ass.
That's-That's good comedy right there people.
*something* Coming in handy. Also why is there a speaker just in the ass?
'Don't touch stain' but I wanna!
yeahhh....
Also yeah. It's Morty's head, from Rick and Morty. It's like the little ball-sack face.
Right so, there's nothing here... it seems.
Let's head out... uhh...
'Junkyard or Paradigm shop' I have a shop?
It's a-- Ow! Also I have... Several questions.
(JonTron)
Uh.. Paradigm..?
I th-think it's just a.. a piece of paper. I think it's just a paper airplane but whatever. What do I know?
To Paradigm,
Your life is in medium rare danger, someone is after you.
mmmm... medium rare danger...
We are organising your rescue. Hold tight. - PAGST Rebels
P.S - Can you give me some critiques on my vague warning message skills at:
fightclubbestmovie@AOL.com
I'm an unpaid intern at the PAGST rebels, trying to go full-time rebel. Much appreciated.
Okay! :D
Is that actually true though? You always hear people say:
"Oh, don't disturb the nest the mother will actually smell you off it and then, they won't come back to it."
Is that actually true?
Or do the birds just know someone's been there by like some little disturbances or something. I don't know.
Thought you said the sexist police costume. Can I wear it?
No..
Ohhhh mannequin head!
*something*.. Police helmet!
Ahahaha! The cone.
Talk to.
*chuckles*
Who are you again? Isn't that cone crushing your face?
What's your origin story?
I really... need your mannequin, can I please have it?
Ahh! Let's just got through them all.
*chuckles*
He looks like... um...
Dr. Song from *something* remix parody. (Sorry I didn't get that)
I like him!
*laughs*
Awh.. Poor guy. What's your origin story?
I am mad to find out. Did you.. get really drunk, stumble down the street, put a cone on your head to be like:
"Ayy! Look at me fuckers I'm drunk and I have a cone on my head!"
And then you like fell into a hole and you smaked your face into and now you can't get it off?
He fell into a glue factory!
Of course
*chuckles*
Hey!
*laughs*
Just because she has no limbs doesn't mean she's a bad mother.
*laughs*
I'm gonna say that from now on. When somebody says:
"Hey. Wh-What're you uploading today?"
"JUSTICE!!"
"-Rains from above!"
Hahahahaha! -_-
*giggles at the end :3*
*giggles* Umm..
What if your weakness is serrated spoons?
(idk what he actually says, I'm sorry xD)
What if his weakness is phat beatsies and I have to rap my way out of this?
Gonna have to bust out my rap skills again
Hehehe, I love how his name is The Cone TM
Goddamnit
Oh it's just the same thing again.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Okay, so I have to find out his weakness. Please don't tell me I have to go to Paradigm shop.
Agreed.
Can I.. turn it off?
*laughs*
Yeah, The Cone TM has his biggest fan always here
JMadz the Cone
Can I talk to JMadz?
*laughs*
Can I... look at it?
Used syringe
Yeah, that'll way you down.
awh
*whispers* shhh shh... no, don't speak.
*whispers again* just stay
Ummm.. let's talk to.
That's it?
*laughs*
Yup... can I pick up the arm at least?
But-But why? It's useful! You can beat people with it!
That would actually be pretty cool.
Heh, his dirty, *dirty abode*.
Ummm...
Sick!!
Not... actually sick...
'Prodigy Child'
*chuckles* fucks sake
Yup,
Th-The prodigy child, the thing we started off the whole thing with.
Laughably large cone
*laughs*
One cone to warn them...
One cone to bring them all...
And in the darkness...
Stop them!
Yeah
Why! I thought I had to get into this and use this to get- fucks sake.
Come on game! You're making things hard for me!
Do we have to leave and come back?
Fine! I'll go to my fuckin' shop then.
Let's see if there's anything here- Ahh, what is that?!
*hiccups* ugh
*laughs*
'Igorshki' What even is this?!
It looks like a tomato had sex with dickbutt and had a baby.
*really? okay..*
Yeah..
Heh, 'ruff'. He's so cute.
Uh... use.
My kielbasa sausage has just got your perform (???), now get it on.
(umm what??)
Thanks man! I've been bleaching it.
(that is disgusting Jack wtf)
*reading the letter* Hello proprietor of computers 4 sale,
I'm looking for an individual named Paradigm.
He is hideous. ...Hey...
You might know him.
While knocking on your door I accidentally slipped and broke through your door.
Then I then accidentally searched everything inside. My mobile is broken so I will come back to contact you.
Sorry about the door. I tried to fix it. I attached this clip art of a cool sun to say sorry.
- Aqua (Dupa Genetics Henchman)
Awwhh
Praise the sun~
Also, people told me that Dupa means ass, or butt or something in Polish,
That's nice, and the Dupa logo is like two circles like this - which ends up looking like an ass.
Its a nice one though,
Also, 'I then accidentally searched everything inside.' its like:
"It's not my fault officer, I accidentally slipped and my dick went in his ear."
"-And then it went out and in again, it's not my fault!"
Fine, fuckbag.
Uuuhhh..
*awkwardly laughs*
*giggles*
Uh, radio, lets use.
I-I really love the art style. Like the shading and everything, it's super nice.
Around the world!
*whispers* what the fuck's happening..
Okay let's listen to weird dude.
That voice sounds familiar...
That voice sounds very familiar..
Oh yeah...
These are the fat beatsies I've been waiting for
Okay lets just leave.
I could spend all day listening to that but I have shit to do and I'm gonna look at my EP.
Fat beats to work up by *laughs*
Pure ethanol, lets drink it!
Yeah!
*aggressive sounds*
Stickin' those fuckin' blast beats dude
Uh... okay.
I'll come back to this if- Ohh
Liliana local baba yaga (???) witch.
*reading* Hello, I'm Liliana, your local baba yaga witch, offering my services on the weekend.
Half price
Neighbours on your nerves? I'll curse them
Half price
Can't find a husband or wife? Buy morally questionable but romantic love potion, half price.
Hate your husband? Buy erectile dysfunction potion, half price.
Call 0589849821 for a price today.
Can I get you to get The... Cone TM?
*subtitle person couldn't get what he said right there - I'm sorry*
*reading* This Sunday at the Motorplex,
Fighting Icons
We bring ba- blah blah bLAHH
Right..
Wh-What are we gonna use?
ermm..
There's a cone here..
*Igorshki noises*
Sorry..
Ooh, do I have anything..?
He likes vodka,
Ahah!
There you go Igorshki!
Ethanollll..!
Pick it up!
There we go, yes! Now put that, in this.
Yeah, a little dickbutt.
There we go, that's the stuff!
Euahh.. He's fuckin' gross!
uagh
Okay.
bwah his tails waggin'
*laughs*
Okay, now lets pick it up.
sweet!
..still don't really know what that.. doesss...
I mean, yeah. We can go back to- ooh! Duporganiser, ooh!
'Maciek K.'
Occupation: Sewer Dweller
Man, the cartoons made it seem a lot more glamourous living in the sewers.
I've been down here looking for a rat to teach me martial arts, but all of them are pacifists and talk about politics.
What the hell man. What kind of politics do rats have to worry about?
Good question bro.
Oh there it is. The Dupa thing, it looks like a butt.
(???)
*Russian words.. ???*
If you have tough decision to make, hyperventilate into a paper bag.
Oh man.
I'm gonna go back now and use this cone to do something with this guy.
okayyy..
Use the cone on the fan?
Use the cone on... the crane?
Okay, not abuse the power of caution, put it on his wife?
I'm just gonna keep using it on everything.
*whispers* fucks sake
Oh.
I can take the rocket ship.
Oohh I should've been going around picking up everything.
Instead of just looking at it...
So thingy wants...
Me too actually.
*laughs*
"IT IS LIKE ROCKET SCIENCE!"
So to make the rocket fly... and where did we see a rocket Launchpad.
That's right, butt observatory.
Let's go... all the way back up.
At least fast travel works that way...
C-Can I put this here? Because he said he wants to see things fly.
Yes!
Nah fuck it.
Nah fuck it!
It's all good baby, don't even- don't even sweat it.
(*self advertising* hey I'm smoll.sammy-amv's and you'll probably see me in the comments commenting about the cones wife 'cause she thicc)
YEAH GO! GO!
WOOO!
Is he gonna freak out, is he gonna have an existential crisis when he sees it.
*um okay jack damn what was that*
The fuckin' music.
Is this all he does in his spare time?
Well that didn't get very far, did it?
It's cool lookin' though. It's looks like theres something in the cloud back there.
*laughs*
Just, "n-n-n-n-n-no! NO!"
Okay, let's get back to the junkyard and get the wife's head.
Sorry!
*pop sound..?*
Ah balls... can-can I use my knife?
yeesh.. that's not cool...
A few hours later *laughs*
The cone and my- the beat guy, the eggplant. (Doug xD)
That's pretty good.
Yeahh.. Krusz army knife is better even though it's not a knife its..... actually a spoon.
Okay! Well I'm gonna leave this episode here, we gotta- we got a lot of stuff done.
We have a head!
Ahh.. can I combine it with this?
Yeah!
We have a decapitated police head, we-
Okay, to sum up,
We went to a drug dealers house, he said he didn't believe that we weren't a cop,
So he told us to get a decapitated police head,
So then we went off, and we went to the butt observatory to see, to scan the area to see if we could see what we could see. (okay..)
Then we went to the junkyard where we met the cone - (asmr) - trademark,
and his wife, his beautiful wife.. err...
Matilda, the mannequin.
And then we-we ended up setting a cone, on fire, into space, all over the sky, it freaked out The Cone,
(even more asmr) Trademark
and then he went *I am so sorry I didn't get that*
Then I cut off this wife's head and now I'm bringing it ba-
Put a hat on top of it and now I bring it back to the drug dealer..
Just to get some Space Dust so I can bring it back to Droolie McGee
so he can give me the floppy disk so I can put it into John3000 to stop the place melting down.
H-Have I got that right? (I don't think I got the subs right...)
There's probably some more bizarre antics in there that I'm forgetting..
Anyway! Thank you guys so much for watching this episode!
If you liked it, PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE LIKE A BOSS!!
And, (the last asmr ;)) highfives all round,
WAPISH! WAPISH!
Thanks all of you guys and I will see all you dudes,
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!
*awesome outro plays* (hey guys, its me again, sorry if I fucked up the subs, this is my first time doing subtitles for Jack or for anyone in general.
Personally, I really like this series so if you could give Jack a like there's more chances we'll be seeing this again in the future, and because he hasn't finished the game yet xD.
Okay welp, that's my little message over, thanks for watching Jack and have a fabulous day you guys! Bye! - smoll.sammy-amvs)
I am The Cone (now its the last asmr) Trademark.
