SPEAKER 1: Thank you
all for being here.
And let's begin.
So first off, Judith, we
just want to start with that,
beginning with, what
exactly is an empath,
if you could speak upon that?
JUDITH ORLOFF: So
I just want to say
how excited I am to be here.
The energy here
is so incredible.
It's so beautiful.
As an empath, I'm
an emotional sponge,
and I tend to absorb other
people's emotions, or even
physical symptoms, or the energy
of a place into my own body.
But when it's like this,
it's a true pleasure.
It's a beautiful
work environment.
So I'm very grateful to be here.
I'm a psychiatrist in Santa
Monica, and I'm also an empath.
And so I combine traditional
psychiatric skills
with my ability to intuit what's
going on in the environment.
And being an
empath, somebody who
is very sensitive, very
intuitive, very open,
but they tend to take on
the stress of the world
because they don't have the same
filters that other people have.
And so I feel everything,
which can be a plus and minus.
And so I wanted to write
the "Empath Survival
Guide," to give
people skills how
not to absorb the stress
of others, particularly
in the work environment.
If you're next to
people, perhaps you're
uncomfortable with, how to
just hold a space for them,
but not take it on.
Because empaths take it on.
And as a result, I
can get exhausted,
or when I was a
child, I couldn't
go into shopping malls
or crowded places
because I'd go in fine
and then I'd walk out
with an ache, or pain,
or anxiety, or exhaustion
that I didn't have before.
And I didn't realize then, as a
little girl, that I was picking
up the energy and the
emotions of other people,
that the whole phenomena
of emotional contagion that
can happen that we know so
much now that-- for instance,
if you're in a
children's ward, a baby
ward in the hospital, if
one baby starts crying,
the rest of them start crying.
Or if you're in a
work environment
and somebody has very negative
energy and is a downer,
it can spread to the rest
of the people like a virus.
And so as an empath, that's
particularly intense.
And so I want to say
that this is a gift,
and we need to learn how
to manage it as well.
SPEAKER 2: So I
think you answered
part of my second question,
or the second question
that we've put together, but
it was, how did you become
involved in studying empathy?
And then, because
this group is very
curious and
science-minded, I wondered
if you could speak
about the science that
has come out about empathy.
JUDITH ORLOFF: The science
behind empathy is fascinating.
It is believed that there's
a spectrum of empathy.
Whereas ordinary empathy,
which is so beautiful--
it's where you can feel
something for someone else
as they're going through
it, but you don't actually
take it on in your own body.
So up higher on the spectrum
are the highly sensitive people
who have sensitivity to light,
sound, noise, like to be alone,
like to be in nature,
replenish themselves
by themselves rather
than in crowds of people
or going to parties.
And then on the high
end, is the empath
who absorbs energy
from other people
and is extremely empathic.
And the science behind
it includes mirror neuron
research, where it's
thought that with people
with extreme empathy-- the
mirror neurons, the compassion
neurons of the brain,
are hyperactive.
Where they're just
working overtime,
where we feel compassion
for everything,
and everybody, and the world.
And it could get to be too much.
But it's thought that the
mirror neurons are really
working overtime as compared to
a narcissist or a sociopath who
have empathy deficient
disorder, meaning
they don't really have
empathy as we know it.
Their mirror neurons are
thought to be hypoactive,
meaning they're not really
functioning at full tilt.
And then there's
the whole phenomena
of emotional contagion,
which I mentioned.
It's that emotions
can be catchy,
and we are sensitive to
how people are around us.
Their emotions affect us,
even if we're not empaths.
Somebody else's emotions,
if they come into your work
environment and
they're a drama queen,
or they're a chronic
talker, or they're
a victim where they
always want to talk
about themselves and
their victim status,
it brings you down.
If you're an open-hearted
person, if you're open
and you feel all this,
your energy goes down.
So it's important to
understand emotional contagion.
And also, the concept of
dopamine, where dopamine
is a pleasure hormone.
And it's thought
that empaths need
a smaller amount of
dopamine to feel good
than extroverts who get their
dopamine fix from going out
with big parties, and big
events, and football games.
You get a large
dopamine hit with that.
But empaths get satisfied
by very little interaction.
For instance, as an empath, I
love one-to-one interactions.
I really enjoy them.
But when it gets to
be a lot of people,
it gets overwhelming for me.
I love to connect.
And too many people, on a
personal level, is hard for me.
I speak to large groups,
and that's a bit different.
But on a personal
level, I prefer
to have small gatherings.
And it could be the dopamine
explanation in research,
because I require very little.
I get filled very
easily by happiness.
And I get drained if I stay in
a social situation for too long.
It's too much for me because
I get overstimulated.
And too much is coming in too
fast with sensory overload.
So if you're an empath or
you're a sensitive person,
it's good to look at
the science behind it.
It's thought, also, the
electromagnetic energy
from the heart and the
brain gives off information.
And so we're
transmitting information.
And if you're sensitive,
you're an empath,
you can feel all of this.
But the problem
is, empaths don't
know how to manage all this.
And I think if you
break down the science
and you begin to look at the
various aspects of the science,
it's very useful in terms of
explaining what you're feeling
and why you're feeling it.
SPEAKER 1: Thank you, Judith.
In relation to
some of the things
you have talked about
with the science behind it
and some of the
terminologies that you've
used with regards to
extroverts and introverts, that
is a question that Wendy
and I having, read the book,
had talked a lot about.
Because in the book, it feels
as if you have given your story
as an introverted empath.
As some of you may know,
I'm extremely extroverted.
So I'm more of an
extrovert empath.
And so could you talk
to us a little bit
about these differences
in terms of--
I do love going to parties,
and I do love talking to people
and being out there.
And that fills me up,
versus if I'm alone,
all the energies
that I've picked up
tend to make me really
feel just more alone.
I can't get out of the loop.
So can you speak on that?
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yeah.
There are both
introverted empaths
and extroverted empaths.
I happen to be introverted.
What are you?
SPEAKER 2: I am definitely the
introverted type of empath.
JUDITH ORLOFF: And
there is extroverted.
And most empaths
are introverted.
But some are extroverted.
And by introverted, I
mean, I like to be alone.
I'm a writer, and I
like to be in my room
alone, with my own
energy, just allowing
the creative flow to happen.
I enjoy that.
That's the epitome of my life
experience, at that moment.
But extroverts, they
tend to go out more.
And I go out, but I
don't go out that much.
And that's OK with me.
I'd rather be in nature.
I'd rather be in quiet, tranquil
environments, or one-to-one.
But you're an
extroverted empath,
so you go out into environments.
But my guess is you need
to decompress afterwards.
Is that-- at some point?
SPEAKER 1: I think
one of the things--
I sleep really deeply.
And I have a feeling that part
of the reason that I sleep
deeply is because I
process it in my sleep
versus out and
about in the world.
And I just felt that--
some of the things in the
book talked about some things
to help an extrovert empath, if
any of you can relate to that,
is going to meetings with other
people who also experience it.
Because then you're
amongst other people.
Because that was
my big thing, is I
can't function to
take it all in and be
by myself taking it all in.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Well,
it just varies.
You might identify with
various levels of this.
And so it just depends
how you process things.
And I just want
everyone to know,
if you identify with any of
this, you're not neurotic.
You're not crazy.
There's nothing wrong with you.
It's a sensitivity
level that I believe
is important to develop.
And certainly in
massage therapy,
you're feeling what's
going on in other people.
And so the sensitivity is there.
And we need more empathy in
our world today, desperately.
In places like Google to
have empathy for each other,
and to make your work
environment really positive
and caring, I think,
is a wonderful thing.
And have empathy for
the world and to bring
that in is something I'm
really passionate about.
SPEAKER 2: Thanks, Judith.
I feel very privileged
to be in this company
because there is such a spirit
of inclusion and respect
for diversity.
And I also know that I have
my own characteristics where
I get frustrated or feel
victimized by things
that happen to me in my day.
And so when I was
reading, I thought,
I wonder sometimes if I'm
also an energy vampire.
Do I flip between
these two things?
What if I'm the source of
drain for somebody else?
And how do I reconcile that
with also being an empath?
Because once I get
through my mood,
I'm kind of back to myself.
But one of my goals for
this year is meditation.
And I've done a good job and
I feel like it's helping me,
but I really don't want to
be that to other people.
So how do I work on that?
And how does an empath
reconcile also sometimes
being the energy vampire?
JUDITH ORLOFF: Great question.
That's a very humble
question, actually.
If we can all ask that--
There's a chapter in the
book on combating narcissists
and other energy vampires.
And it's important if
you're sensitive to identify
who are the drainers, especially
in the work environment.
You can have a lot of
different kind of drainers,
from the drama queen,
to the chronic talker,
to the narcissist, to the
passive aggressive person.
So there are many kinds
of energy vampires.
And yes, we can all be drainers.
We can all be energy vampires.
So not to think about it as,
oh, them, or him, or her,
but when we get in
to our lower selves
and we get our buttons are
pushed, and we're triggered,
and we're tired, and we're
not in our best selves,
then we can be victims.
Or we can be talkers,
or we can be just people
who bring others down.
And that's OK.
That's part of being human.
And it's great to
recognize it in yourself.
That's so great that
you asked that question.
And it's wonderful also
because you can catch yourself.
With the awareness,
when you start
getting into those
energy vampire states,
you can say, OK.
Or if you're a coworker,
I hope has the freedom
to point it out.
It's a little touchy subject,
but to say, I love you,
or I respect you so much,
I love working with you,
but you're complaining
a lot today.
I don't know if you
have the freedom.
Do you?
SPEAKER 1: Well, Googlers
tend to be extremely kind.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Good.
SPEAKER 1: So I'm sure
there are conversations
like that that are done very--
I don't know what the word--
SPEAKER 2: Tactfully?
SPEAKER 1: Tactfully, thank you.
SPEAKER 2: I think that's true.
People here are very
kind and exhibit
a lot of tolerance and tact.
We always need to work on
feeling like we can bring up
a challenging situation
and discuss it
in a non-threatening
way with people.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yeah.
I hope that that's the case.
Because somebody who is rolling
with being an energy vampire,
it can really bring down
the work environment.
So it's really a
toxic influence.
So I feel that that needs to
be addressed, as you said,
compassionately and lovingly.
Because sometimes we don't know
when we get into those states.
And it could just go
on, and on, and on.
And you don't want that
in a work environment.
You optionally want
positive energy
in your work environment.
You want it to be easy and
fun so your mind can just
go to creative places
and really envision
amazing things for yourself.
And an energy vampire
is important to identify
because they could
bring it down.
And so to address it not
punitively, but lovingly,
I hope that there is
a way to do that here
and to recognize not to
get angry at the person,
but that they need
understanding.
SPEAKER 1: Not to tell somebody
they're an energy vampire,
basically.
So in moving on
with the questions,
we wanted to ask,
related to that,
a person who may be
not just in a phase
in that moment as
an energy vampire,
but that's their personality.
They're full on complete
narcissist or something
lacking.
Neuroplasticity teaches that
our brain's neural circuitry
is malleable.
And studies have shown that
mindfulness meditation, that
includes loving kindness
that you talked about,
can rewire the brain.
So is it possible that
somebody who could possibly
have a full blown on low empath
narcissist trait, personality,
change with that?
JUDITH ORLOFF: It's very hard
for narcissists to change.
However, I just want
to say, narcissists
can be really creative,
and productive,
and have great ideas,
and be very intuitive.
So they're not all negative
in a work environment.
It's just the problem
comes in personally,
where you interact with them.
Because they just
think of themselves,
and they don't really
care about what
you're feeling because
they lack empathy.
The full blown narcissist,
who are self-absorbed--
they become cold, withholding,
and punishing when
you don't do things their way.
So it doesn't make for a
great management style.
It really doesn't.
And so hopefully, there
are not too many here,
in terms of narcissists, because
it doesn't foster creativity.
It shuts people off.
It makes people feel small,
and damaged, and not heard,
and not listened to.
And it's so important
if you're sensitive
and you're an empath--
you care.
You really care about others.
And you don't want
to be shut off.
But if you do have
narcissists here,
just take advantage of
all their strengths.
Nobody's all bad.
There's a Buddha and a
demon inside everybody.
It just depends on what we feed.
We want to feed the best
parts of ourselves, the most
sensitive, the most loving,
the most compassionate.
And then understand that we can
be energy vampires sometimes.
We can go through a bad period.
So I think with a
narcissist, if you
look at what they can
give to a work environment
and not expect them to
be your best friend--
a lot of patients who come to
me have narcissistic bosses.
And that's really hard,
because you really
have to frame things in terms of
how it will serve them for them
to be on your side.
And it's tedious,
ego-stroking, and it's
hard for sensitive people.
But if you want to have a
vacation, you don't say,
I'm so tired.
I really need a break now.
They won't give it to you.
But if you say, this
will serve the business.
Then, a narcissist
will say, oh, OK.
How?
And so then it would make more
sense to give you a vacation.
So ideally, you don't
have to do that,
but in case you're ever
faced with it, that's
one tactic that will work.
SPEAKER 2: I think that
leads really nicely
into the next part
of our questions,
which really involve,
how do we work
with these tendencies
in a workplace?
What are some
solutions when we're
faced with small personal
space, lots going on,
lots of distractions?
And then we want to be able
to be as creative as possible
and work at our highest level.
So what can we do as
empaths to foster that?
JUDITH ORLOFF: One thing
I noticed here at Google
is the high ceilings.
I mean, that helps to
have a feeling of space.
And it's very beautiful to me.
I feel like I
could breathe here.
I don't feel claustrophobic.
Everywhere I look
it's high ceilings.
So I'm not-- do you have low
ceilings other places here?
SPEAKER 2: Not so many, no.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yeah, so
that helps with the feeling
of spaciousness.
But in terms of
techniques to use,
I really suggest meditation.
There's a three
minute meditation
where you can just check in
with yourself for three minutes.
Close your eyes,
focus on your heart,
focus on something really
positive in your life,
and breathe out stress,
and focus on the positive.
And during those three minutes,
you can recalibrate yourself
and you could come
back to your center.
Because part of
the skill of being
an empath in an
environment is learning
how to come back when
you start to swirl,
or when somebody pushes your
button and you're triggered,
or you're disappointed
by something,
or if something happens in
your personal life and suddenly
you go down.
To recenter yourself through
this three minute quick
meditation is a
form of coming back
to you that a lot of people
don't know how to do that.
Once you swirl, they
just start swirling.
And so learning how to breathe--
the breath is very powerful.
Because the breath-- you
can breathe out stress,
and you can breathe in
clarity, or calm, peacefulness.
But to breathe out stress,
the breath actually
carries the stress out
of you, out of your body,
which is what you want.
So these regular
meditation breaks
I really suggest to
help you feel better,
and to help you reconnect
with your creativity.
I keep coming back to
that with this audience,
that creativity is
so important for you
to be able to
really play up here.
And to play and to
feel comfortable,
you have to be in
a good environment.
And you mentioned that you
have a close environment
in some places?
SPEAKER 2: That there are a
lot of people in a small space
oftentimes.
JUDITH ORLOFF: A lot of
people in a small space.
How much room do you
have between you?
SPEAKER 2: I'm not the best
person to speak to that,
because I work in
a spacious place.
JUDITH ORLOFF: That much room?
OK.
That's not much room.
And so you need to create
your own personal space.
At least you have
that much room.
It is an open space environment?
OK.
That's particularly challenging
for sensitive people.
And so you have to make your
desk your spiritual station,
your energy station, however
you can be comfortable there,
with pictures of people.
I wear the Kuan Yin
around my neck, who's
the goddess of compassion.
She really sets a
tone of compassion.
Sometimes gemstones are
important to put around
the desk, or
whatever centers you.
It could be anything.
It doesn't have to
be spiritual objects.
It could be anything
that you love
to create a circle of
safety around your desk,
like a bubble of
invisibility, if you
feel like being invisible.
And visualization is
very important for that,
if you have an open
space environment,
to visualize a protective
bubble around your environment.
And although you
see other people,
and you hear them talking,
and they're moving,
you're in your safe place.
And so what you're doing is
summoning your own inner power
to create a visualization
for yourself.
You're not helpless
in this environment.
And when you begin
to experience that,
you'll feel incredible relief.
So then you can focus.
When I learned to meditate, I
learned how to do it in a room
where next door,
it was a Sunday,
and they were having
prayer meetings with songs.
And so when I was
learning how to meditate,
I had a lot of external
distractions, which
was really helpful for me.
I learned how not
to be thrown off.
And that's part of this path
of empowering sensitivity,
is how do you learn
to center yourself
amidst distraction and chaos.
And so you can look at
it as a fun challenge.
And I don't know--
can you hear other people
talking next to you?
You can hear them.
All right.
Are you allowed to
wear earbuds here?
OK, well, sometimes that's
helpful in playing nice music.
So you can use these techniques.
But most important,
energetically, you
want to just focus on your
own energy, your own space,
your own creativity, and
not on somebody cracking
their gum next to you.
Us empaths are very
sensitive to that.
Coughing, cracking of gum,
clearing of the throat, all
that.
It's important to focus
on yourself so that you
can screen out external
distractions so you
could be in your best place.
SPEAKER 1: So on that note,
talking about the things
that we can do in our
workplace, one thing
that I have told clients
that I know that they find
their peace on weekends out
in nature, I've told them,
go get a picture of that and
put it in your work space
so that when you're feeling
that overwhelmingness
and your mind's just racing and
everything's distracting you,
look at that picture
to calm that down.
And on that note, talking about
the different types of empaths,
you do speak of
that in your book.
Would you like to go over
a few of those for people?
Because once you recognize--
this is what I took away from
the book--
what type of empath
that you are,
there's going to
be different tools,
obviously, that
will work for you
better than for a
different type of empath.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yeah, there are
different types of empaths.
And some empaths are
emotional empaths,
where you're especially
sensitive to other people's
emotions.
For instance, if
somebody is angry,
and they come in to work
angry, you take it on.
Or if somebody is depressed, you
can be sitting next to somebody
and suddenly your
energy is going down,
and you're starting to
feel a little depressed.
And you pick up their emotions.
And so empaths are
sensitive to emotions,
and some are even sensitive
to physical issues, where
you can pick up-- let's say
your coworker has back pain.
And suddenly, your
back begins to ache.
So it's just something to
watch out for in yourself.
And then there is empaths
called intuitive empaths.
And these empaths are very
open to their intuition.
They're really tuned
into intuition.
I personally feel, as a
psychiatrist and an empath,
that it's so vital to
listen to that inner voice.
And empaths have it a little
bit more open than other people,
but everybody can connect
to their intuition.
And that's the still
small inner voice
that comes through gut feelings,
or the enteric nervous system.
In the gut has actual
neurotransmitters
that convey information
like the brain.
So what's going on in your
gut can convey information.
And so as an
intuitive empath, you
can train yourself to
listen to your gut feelings
about somebody.
Let's say you're
hiring somebody.
And they look totally
good on paper.
They look amazing.
But when you're sitting
across from them,
your energy is going down.
What is that telling you?
It could be that this
isn't a good match
for your particular environment.
You want to have people who
are energetically harmonious.
And when you hire people and
when you interview people, when
you're an intuitive empath,
you can develop intuitive
skills in terms of-- you look
at what they present on paper,
but you also can feel
what's going on in them.
So you listen to
your gut feeling.
You listen to a hunch.
You listen to an "aha,"
knowing that it can be waves
of goosebumps that say, yes.
This person is right.
This is exciting.
This is going to
be a great match.
Or you can feel a
downward thud, or a wall,
or something that's unpleasant.
But when you train
yourself as an empath
and as a human being to
listen to your intuition,
it can give you
extra information.
And so that's really essential.
But what happens
is sometimes people
don't listen to their
intuition and they second
guess themselves.
Particularly, in a very
linear environment,
where you're given
information but something
doesn't feel right,
I really encourage
you to weigh that in
your relationship choices
and in how you deal
with your coworkers.
Because it will
tell you, maybe I
should stay away from
this coworker today.
Maybe they need
a bit more space.
And it's a gift to give
them that and to honor that.
They seem to be in
their own world.
They seem to want
to go into a cave.
All right, fine.
I'll give that to them.
And I won't talk to them
that much, if possible.
So you can really have deep
compassion for your coworkers
and for others by developing
the skill of intuition
that many empaths have.
And some of the specific
types-- some empaths are animal
empaths.
I see there's a doggie in here.
That's so great.
You're allowed to
bring dogs here?
Oh, that's amazing.
SPEAKER 1: We're
a big dog culture.
JUDITH ORLOFF: You are?
Empaths have a
communing with animals.
With dogs, with cats, with
wild animals, with birds,
some feel a very deep
connection to animals.
And some have a deep
connection to the natural world
and plants.
They love to have plants,
they love to garden.
And some have, as you said, a
connection to their dream life.
Where some empaths are
dreamers and they could
tune into their dreams to
get guidance in the morning
by remembering your dreams.
So these are all
intuitive outlets
that you can really
explore and play
with as a sensitive
person, as opposed
to being a disembodied head
who's just a linear person, who
lives up, from here up.
I'm really advocating being
in your mind, and reasoning,
and in the body, listening
to your intuition
and your sensitivities.
You can be both.
And sometimes, there's a
bias against men doing this.
And I have a Facebook
empath group,
and it's over 11,000 people.
And it may be 85%
women and 15% men.
So it's harder,
sometimes, for men.
I don't know how
it is-- there are
a lot of men in this
audience, which is fantastic.
If it's harder to
come out and say,
I'm an intuitive feeling
person, and I'm also
really intelligent, and smart,
and creative, and grounded--
so to balance everything
for both men and women
who are empaths.
SPEAKER 2: So there
was one other empath
that I wanted to ask you about.
And I'm also looking
at time and want
to make sure that we
leave some time for people
who have questions out there.
So you had spoken
about being in nature.
Actually, I think
it was you, Heather,
but it came up again
when Judith was speaking.
And you speak about
earthing, or write
about earthing in your book.
And I often will tell my
clients after their session,
you may want to take a few
minutes close to the beach,
or find a patch of grass.
And take your shoes off,
stick your feet in it.
Can you speak to
how that helps us?
JUDITH ORLOFF: That so
helps us in so many ways.
To get out in nature and take
your shoes off, and go barefoot
in the grass, or go
barefoot on the ocean,
just feel yourself,
what that feels like.
And just the freedom,
it often reminds
you of how you were as a child,
if you had the opportunity
to be in nature as a child.
And to reclaim that, and
to just go play and feel
what's coming up, the electron
exchange with the earth--
I have very strong
feelings about the earth,
and preserving our
environment, and how
we connect to our
environment, and how
our bodies are intimately
connected to the earth.
So of course, we're going to
feel if the earth is harmed.
And so the mission
of helping the earth
needs to be number
one, above all things,
as far as I'm concerned.
And it's difficult for
empaths in this day and time
with the support of the
earth not really being there
in our social environments.
It's just devastating
for me when
I hear about certain
ravages of the earth.
However, you can
go out and connect.
People aren't trained
to connect to the earth.
And if you stay in an office
for too long-- or it's
not actually an office.
It's an open air environment.
But if you stay
closed up too long,
if you stay at your
computer too long,
you can get sealed
off from the world.
And you want to connect.
You want to take a break from
the computer and your work,
and go out.
You're so close
to the beach here.
You could take a walk
and go down to the ocean,
see all the seagulls, and
get into your child again.
I know you're adults,
and you work at Google,
and you have very
important jobs,
and you really are playing a
role in bettering the world.
But it's good to also let
that down and go and play,
if you can.
Just go and connect
to the earth.
And you could lie on the earth.
You could climb a tree.
You could meditate by a tree.
But to have that playfulness
and not-- empaths
tend to get overly serious.
And life is short.
So you don't have
as much playfulness
as you possibly can, to
remind yourself of that.
Because you deserve it.
I kind of live
with the philosophy
of, this is the day I'm
given, the eternal now.
And I don't know about
tomorrow, necessarily.
I know about today.
And I want to make
it the best possible.
And that isn't just work,
work, work, all the time,
though I've always
been a workaholic.
I've always loved to work.
When I was a little
girl, my report card--
the teacher said I need to
take the pressure off myself.
I'm seven years old.
My parents didn't give me that.
I was born that way.
And so it's important for
me to find the balance,
because I could get
lost in my writing,
in patience, and the internet,
going on Google and Googling
things all the time.
And so it's impor--
SPEAKER 1: Don't forget dance.
Dance is a good way, too,
to get the body moving
so you're in your body.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yeah.
But just moving--
being in the body
is an important way to balance.
But I just want to
acknowledge this environment,
how creative it is,
and what an opportunity
you have here as
employees of Google
to really create and
change the world.
It feels like changing
the world is here.
It just feels so
important to be here.
SPEAKER 2: So you
brought up children.
And I know there's a section
in your book about that.
And I guess part of
changing the world
is also making sure
that we influence
our children to be good
human beings as they
impact the world themselves.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Absolutely.
It's so important to support the
sensitivities in our children.
Because they're going
to save the world.
They need to be raised in a
way where you look at them
and you say, you're sensitive.
You're open.
And that's beautiful.
And that's nothing
to be ashamed of.
And just because
you may not want
to be on the football
team, and you
may want to go into the
forest and meditate,
that makes you
unique and beautiful.
You don't have to
fit these children,
these sensitive children
or Indigo children,
these new children that have
a certain consciousness coming
into the world, you
don't want to fit them
into some arbitrary mold.
You want to really help
them and support them.
And a lot of times,
as children, you
might not have been supported
in your sensitivities
or intuition.
And that hurts.
I know, as an empath child.
I had two physician parents
and 25 physicians in my family,
so I came from this long
lineage of scientific thinkers.
And I was a feeler.
I would feel things.
I would know things.
I would process it differently
than a traditionally scientific
person, although I did
go through medical school
and I conquered that, to
balance both the intuitive
and the scientific.
But it wasn't how I was born.
And so I've had to reclaim
that as a psychiatrist
and as an adult. And that's what
I am inviting you all to do,
is to be as linear
as you want, to be
as inventive in your minds.
But also, reclaim your
sensitivity, and your openness,
and your playfulness, and
your connection to the earth.
We can be everything.
SPEAKER 2: I love that.
Shall we--
SPEAKER 1: Yeah.
SPEAKER 2: --pass
around the ball?
SPEAKER 1: So we do have
about 10 minutes or so,
if people have questions.
Just go ahead and
raise your hand,
and we'll be glad to throw you--
SPEAKER 2: Are you
good at catching?
I'm not, usually.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Even
that's so creative.
She threw the mic in a
little box over to him.
AUDIENCE: Hi.
I had a question.
I noticed in your bio it
mentioned energy awareness.
And through my process,
understanding the human energy
system and how to work with
it, has been really valuable
for me.
I did it through Medical Qigong.
I'm just curious what kind of
energy awareness techniques
you used.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Hold that
up, please, a little bit.
AUDIENCE: I'm just
curious what kind
of energy awareness techniques
you use in your practice.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Can you
repeat that for me?
SPEAKER 1: So he wanted to know
what kind of energy awareness
techniques that Judith
uses in her practice.
And he found it through,
I'm sorry, was it Qigong?
AUDIENCE: Qigong, yeah.
SPEAKER 1: Qigong.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Qigong
is a wonderful way
to center your energy.
It's a movement where
you center your energy,
and you feel the universal
energies in your body.
And that's a beautiful
energy technique.
You could even do
Qigong here, to go out
somewhere and practice here,
and just do a few movements.
What I use in my
practice is that I
teach people to meditate.
And I also work on
them energetically,
where I put my hands over
their various chakras
to balance it, and teach
them to open up their hearts.
SPEAKER 1: Shameless plug.
We offer Tai chi, which has
Qigong elements in it, weekly.
SPEAKER 2: One way or another.
JUDITH ORLOFF: One
way or another.
SPEAKER 1: So I brought
an instructor weekly,
and you can join us at the
LAX Tai chi group in emails.
And it's Mondays
from 4:30 to 5:30.
There is a cost because I've
brought in the instructor,
but we meet over in
the Bin 5 courtyard,
or inside the bunker
when it's cold.
JUDITH ORLOFF: That's fantastic.
AUDIENCE: A lot of people
who are not empathic--
they might be kind, they
might be changing the world,
they might not be
necessarily narcissistic.
Is there some tool, some
kind of Myers-Briggs
personality test so
that they recognize
that they're not empathic?
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yes.
AUDIENCE: And if there is one,
then what do we do with it?
What's we know that a
person is not empathic, what
other actions, apart
from meditation,
can a person take
to develop that?
JUDITH ORLOFF: That's
a great question.
How do you identify it
somebody doesn't have empathy?
And then how do
you deal with it?
OK.
The best way is to
provoke a small conflict.
Because if you
provoke a conflict,
you can see how
they deal with it.
If they have-- why
are you laughing?
SPEAKER 2: I hate conflict.
JUDITH ORLOFF:
You hate conflict.
SPEAKER 2: So now I'm
going to creed that that
would be really hard for me.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Well,
a little conflict.
They say, let's
meet today at 10:00.
And you say, well, I
can't do it at 10:00,
but I'll do it at 11:00.
Even just a little
thing like that,
somebody who
doesn't have empathy
is going to become cold,
withholding, judgmental,
punishing, and change
their very nice personality
into a different one.
And so narcissists
who don't have empathy
don't like it when you
don't do things their way.
Have you met people like that?
AUDIENCE: No, I just meant
to say that maybe there's
another classification out
there, which is basically
kind people, not narcissists.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Kind people.
AUDIENCE: But they
are not empathic.
They don't have
that mirror neurons.
They do not understand
what are you going through,
so they cannot relate
to you in general.
They are sympathetic,
but not empathic.
JUDITH ORLOFF: They're
very kind people, though.
Not narcissists.
AUDIENCE: But they are not--
they cannot understand
what you're going through,
your emotional state.
Let's say you come in,
and you look very sad.
And you don't want to work.
Let's say it's a manager
or somebody else.
But he doesn't recognize that.
And you're thinking, why
does he not recognize that?
So they lack empathy.
They don't know that they're
trampling over somebody.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yes.
Let me make the distinction of
lacking empathy versus someone
just being in their heads.
Because sometimes,
people are self-absorbed
or in their heads,
and they're not
tuning in emotionally to you.
AUDIENCE: And
that's what happens.
JUDITH ORLOFF: But that
doesn't necessarily
make them a narcissist.
And they could be
the kindest person,
but they can also be out of
touch with their feelings.
AUDIENCE: Yes, exactly.
I see a lot of
people, in general,
are very kind, sympathetic,
want to change the world.
But when it comes to
personal relationship,
because they are
very smart in brains,
they don't tune in to
their empathic centers,
or they do not have
developed empathetic center.
They just relate to your brain.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yes.
Yes, but they're kind people.
AUDIENCE: They're kind people.
They don't want to harm anybody.
But they do not
understand their actions
affect other human beings.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Do you
find that that's common?
AUDIENCE: That's common.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Really?
OK, well that--
AUDIENCE: They are not
narcissists, necessarily.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Right, right.
That leaves an opening
on emotional training
and intuitive training
for people here.
It's something that's
really important
to train in a safe environment.
And if that's the
case, a lot of times
it's something to think about.
But in terms of your
expectations of them,
you could come in
with a broken heart
and they probably won't see it.
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
It happens.
JUDITH ORLOFF: And to
not take that personally.
AUDIENCE: Yeah, I understand.
But is there a way--
I was thinking
more in terms of--
in Myers-Briggs test, you
go take an online test,
and it tells you
what letters you are,
ENTP, ISTP, whichever
might be the case.
So it there an online
test I can go and say,
hey, you're not empathic.
Your empathy is out
of 1 to 100, 30 or 20.
So that we know, and we
can say to each other,
oh, we are 20, 100.
So we know each other
in some objective way.
JUDITH ORLOFF: In
an objective way.
That would be in--
and you would want to
pass that around and have
everyone take it?
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
That would be the
Google way of doing it.
JUDITH ORLOFF: All right.
Well, there's certainly
a self-assessment test
at the beginning of this
book with 20 questions
that people can take,
and determine where
they are on the empathy scale.
But there could be other
ways to do it, too,
in terms of creating more
formal tests and scores.
But that's a good idea.
But I think the goal
would be, really,
to help people recognize.
AUDIENCE: Recognize, right.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Yeah,
because the more empathy
you have, the better
your work environment
is going to be because
you're going to feel safe.
You don't want to ooze it.
You don't overdo it.
Sometimes empaths can help too
much and they give too much.
They want to be
too compassionate.
And they're looking at you
in the eyes too deeply,
so it feels intrusive.
That kind of thing.
You don't want to become that.
But you want to become
smart, intuitive, caring,
and blend it all.
And that takes some training,
sometimes, to do it.
And hopefully, the
book will do it.
But trainings can help.
AUDIENCE: But first,
if you recognize it,
at least you can know that this
person's at least like that.
It's OK.
We can be inclusive.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Absolutely.
But also, to recognize
that being a good person
is the best thing
anyone could do.
And even though they might
lack other abilities,
if you're a good person, that's
a beautiful, beautiful thing.
It really is.
So to recognize that in each
other, and to affirm that--
namaste, I respect
the spirit within you.
To be able to say
that to each other,
even with all your faults--
We have tons of
faults, all of us.
We're not perfect.
But if we do the best we
can and we're loving people,
give people credit
where credit is due.
And when you can
affirm that in others,
the whole environment
in the work environment
can just increase the vibration,
increase the frequency,
when you do that, as
opposed to looking at all
the negatives in someone.
It's much easier to look at the
negatives and criticize them
and what they're doing wrong.
But the shift in
consciousness in terms
of awareness of
empathy is trying
to see the best in
people, not their worst.
You want to bring out
the best in people.
AUDIENCE: When we
talk about empathy,
normally we talk about
social with other people.
So I have a separate
question, a little different.
Here, I'm engineer.
I think a lot of other
engineers, and even Judith,
yourself, you said
you like to work,
like writing, by yourself.
Sometimes I feel the stress,
actually from the work,
not with interacting
with other people.
When you have
something difficult,
something you don't
understand for a while,
especially later of
the day, you tired,
or your cognitive
capability tends to be down.
And in my personal experience,
sometimes in that situation,
I start to have self-doubt.
And it's become a
downward spiral.
And that negative energy
I can bring with me home,
even though I'm
already out of work.
I still think about it.
But maybe after a night, the
next day, I look at it again.
I can figure it out.
It seems so simple.
So what can you suggest
to do to prevent just
to bring the negative
frustration out of work
when you want to not think
about it at that time?
JUDITH ORLOFF: A
very good question.
How do you not take
the work energy home?
And you mentioned self-doubt?
AUDIENCE: Yes.
JUDITH ORLOFF: Did you
mention self-doubt?
AUDIENCE: Yeah, because
I can't figure this out.
Maybe I was not good enough.
JUDITH ORLOFF: All
right, well, I'm
a big believer in affirmations.
And so it's important
to really affirm,
every day, what you did well.
And at the end of the day, you
can make that a ritual, to just
say, what did I do well today?
What did I contribute?
And it could be
the tiniest thing.
It could be a big thing.
It doesn't matter.
But instead of--
the self-doubt, when
I talk about the demon
and the Buddha inside,
the self-doubt comes
from more the demon side,
where you have to work with it.
Everybody has self-doubt.
We all have self-doubt.
When you affirm--
I did this well today.
I did that well today.
I was breathing today.
I was walking today.
I came to work.
I had a day of life.
Really, you could always get
back to that, to affirm that.
And also to have a
closure meditation when
you are ready to leave work--
to actually sit,
close your eyes,
breathe, center
yourself, say thank you
for this opportunity
of work today.
And now I'm leaving.
And so to have an official
ritual of closure, and to let
go of what happened at work.
And that will help you.
When I've finished
with my patients,
usually I forget about it.
I go on to the next
thing, unless there's
something in particular
that I need to think
about a little bit more.
But I go on.
I'm 100% present
when I'm working.
Like with here,
I'm 100% present.
But when I go on, I want
to grab the next moments
and inhabit the next moment.
So it's good, as a
sensitive person,
to be present in the moment,
and then keep moving.
It's like the warrior.
You make your yell,
and then you move.
And that's it.
And so that's important to think
about, to be in the moment.
And how do you be in the moment?
You can have a mantra, even.
Let it be.
I'm being in the now.
And to bring your
mind back-- because we
have control over our thoughts,
our attitudes, and our mind.
And so when we go
into self-doubt,
you go, ah, self-doubt.
I know you.
Instead, I am going to breathe,
I'm going to focus on my heart,
and I'm going to look
at what I did well.
And let's say I need
improvement in something.
I will work on that.
We all are constantly
works in progress.
And so to have a
lot of compassion
for yourself every day,
and what you go through--
we all go through so much.
As a psychiatrist, I know well
how much we all go through.
And so just give people a break.
See the best in them.
And try and be empathic
for what they go through,
even if it's not something,
maybe, you can relate to.
But if you're empathic
and your heart goes out,
that's a good thing.
It's really a beautiful
thing to relate
to one another in that way.
AUDIENCE: Hello.
Along those same
lines, I find what's
really emotional draining for
me is being constantly connected
via my phone or social
media, things like that.
Do you find that it's
important, especially
for sensitive people, to have
that time to disconnect, maybe
have a day without their phone?
Is there tips and tools
that you'd recommend?
JUDITH ORLOFF: I think it's
important to have a technology
fast, and not go on social
media, and turn off your phone,
and leave your phone at home,
and go for a walk on the beach
so that you're not
tethered to the phone.
Even in the gym,
sometimes I bring my phone
and I put it on the treadmill,
and I have to talk to myself.
Just leave it in the locker.
Don't bring it.
Your world can exist for
a short period of time
without that phone.
But it's very
addictive technology.
So you have to really make that
extra effort to say no to it.
And it makes me feel
so much better when
I'm not near anything.
There's a monastery that we
go to sometimes in retreat,
Tassajara Monastery.
They don't even
have electricity.
They have no cell phone covers.
They have no electricity.
Kerosene lamps.
So you're forced into
a beautiful retreat
without technology.
So I think that makes you
better when you come to work,
when you have those breaks.
Because if you keep checking,
and checking, and checking,
it puts you in a
zombie-like state.
And that's not in the body.
And so to put it down a
little bit and go dance--
I think dancing, what you
mentioned, or movement,
any kind of movement,
the Qigong movement,
dancing, walking,
exercising, looking up
at the stars and the sun,
it's just replenishing.
It's very important
without technology.
SPEAKER 1: I just want
to add one thing on that,
is when we talked
about the children
and what we're teaching our
kids that are our future,
is we're teaching them
this importance of how
much our phones are.
And they will say, what do
you mean you lost your phone?
What are you going to do?
Even they, as young as five, are
picking up on our attachments
to our phones.
SPEAKER 2: I had my
daughter very worried
one night because my
husband went out for a walk
and didn't have his phone.
And I thought, oh, this is--
A Day Without a Phone, I
think it's a new G to G class.
JUDITH ORLOFF: And thank
you both, Heather and Wendy,
for having me here.
And thank you all for coming.
SPEAKER 2: Thank you.
SPEAKER 1: Thank
you all for coming.
