>>> FOR THIS WEEK’S "MEMO TO
>>> FOR THIS WEEK’S "MEMO TO
TRUMP," I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
GARDENING.
NOT IN THE LITERAL SENSE OF
COURSE.
I KNOW, MR. PRESIDENT, THAT
YOU’VE NEVER SOILED YOUR TINY
HANDS WITH ACTUAL DIRT A DAY IN
YOUR LIFE, ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE
DIRTIED THEM IN A THOUSAND OTHER
WAYS.
NO, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT REAPING
WHAT YOU SO.
THIS WEEK’S UNVEILING OF THE
NEWLY REDESIGNED ROSE GARDEN WAS
AN APT METAPHOR FOR YOUR
PRESIDENCY.
JUST AS GARDENERS REMOVE DECADES
OF VIBRANT BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS AND
TREES IN THE SERVICE OF A BLAND
NEW DESIGN, SO, TOO, HAVE YOU
RIPPED UP ANY SEMBLANCE OF
DEMOCRACY BY THE ROOT,
SACRIFICING THE LIVES OF
AMERICANS WITH YOUR CARELESSNESS AND RELEGATING OUR STANDING IN
AND RELEGATING OUR STANDING IN
THE WORLD TO THE COMPOST HEAP OF
HISTORY.
YOUR DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR AND
FILLING THE CONVENTION WITH YOUR
OWN FAMILY PERHAPS BECAUSE THE
MORE VENERATED MEMBERS OF YOUR
OWN PARTY SEE YOU FOR WHAT YOU
REALLY ARE, A FAILED TELEVISION
STAR WITH A WELL-INTENDED AND
WELL-TENDED AND GROWING
AUTHORITARIAN STREAK.
MEANWHILE, TUESDAY’S FESTIVITIES
ALONE WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR AN
IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY OVER ETHICS
IN ANY OTHER ADMINISTRATION
THE FIRST LADY’S USE OF THE VERY
ROSE GARDEN SHE UPROOTED IS
PROBABLY A VIOLATION OF THE
HATCH ACT. ON THAT SAME NIGHT, TWO OF YOUR
ON THAT SAME NIGHT, TWO OF YOUR
ADULT CHILDRELEPO ON
TAXPAYER-FUNDED OFFICIAL
BUSINESS HAS ALREADY PROMPTED AN
INVESTIGATION.
AND THEN THERE WAS VICE
PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, WHOSE
VENUE WAS YET ANOTHER PIECE OF
FEDERAL PROPERTY, A LOCATION
THAT ONE REPUBLICAN DELEGATE
DESCRIBED AS A, QUOTE, REWARD
FOR PARTY LOYALISTS.
I’M APPALLED BUT NOT SURPRISED
THAT YOUR ADMINISTRATION FEELS
FREE TO FLOUT THE RULE OF LAW
AND OFFER UP THIS NATION’S
BEAUTIFUL PUBLIC LANDS AS A
PRIVATE PERK TO THOSE WHO SHOVEL
MANURE ON THE GUARD I DON’T KNOW
YOU BESMIRCHED ONE OF THE MOST
SACRED CEREMONIES IN THE
AMERICAN EXPERIMENT, USING THE
NATURALIZATION OF FIVE NEW
CITIZENS AS POLITICAL FODDER, A
MOVE THAT IS PARTICULARLY
GALLING BECAUSE YOUR
ADMINISTRATION HAS BEEN NAKEDLY
HOSTILE TOWARDS ALL KIND
IMMIGRATION AND BECAUSE YOU
APPARENTLY DID THIS WITHOUT THE
CONSENT OF THESE NEW CITIZENS.
ALTHOUGH I SUPPOSE IGNORING
CONSENT IS BASICALLY YOUR BRAND.
AND FOR YOUR GRAND FINALE, YOU
GLEEFULLY TRAMPLED ON LITERAL
CENTURIES OF CAREFULLY
CULTIVATED ETHICS AND NORMS BY
ACCEPTING YOUR PARTY’S
NOMINATION ON THE WHITE HOUSE
LAWN, ALLOWING THOUSANDS OF
SPECTATORS TO GATHER IN DEFIANCE
OF HEALTH EXPERTS IN THE MIDDLE
OF A PANDEMIC, TRAMPLEING ON THE
LAWN OF THE PEOPLE’S HOUSE
BECAUSE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT
WISH IT WERE DIFFERENT, THE
PRESIDENT IS NOT KING AND THE
WHITE HOUSE IS NOT YOUR PALACE.
IT BELONGS TO THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE WHO GRACIOUSLY ALLOW YOU
AND YOUR FAMILY TO LIVE THERE
WHILE YOU WORK ON OUR BEHALF,
EXCEPT YOU’VE NEVER HELD UP YOUR
END OF THE BARGAIN.
JUST LIKE EVERY DEAL YOU EVER
STRUCK IN YOUR SO-CALLED
BUSINESS CAREER BECAUSE YOU
STILL REFUSE TO BE A PRESIDENT
FOR ALL AMERICANS.
>> THE FACT IS I’M HERE --
WHAT’S THE NAME OF THAT
BUILDING?
BUT I’LL SAY IT DIFFERENTLY.
THE FACT IS WE’RE HERE AND
THEY’RE NOT.
>> I FOR ONE AM GLAD I WASN’T
THERE TO WITNESS YOUR
DESECRATION OF THE PEOPLE’S
HOUSE, MR. PRESIDENT.
YOUR GROWING AUTHORITARIAN
STREAK AND INSATIABLE HUNGER FOR
POWER AND DOMINATION DISGRACE
EVERY PRESIDENT WHO HAS EVER
WALKED THOSE HALLS.
BUT IF YOU’RE SO DESPERATE TO
STAY IN TAX-PAIRYER FUNDED HOUSI
FOLLOWING THIS ELECTION, I HAVE
A SUGGESTION THAT WOULD BE MUCH
BETTER SUITED FOR YOU, FEDERAL
PRISON.
AND WHILE YOU’RE INSIDE REAPING
WHAT YOU HAVE SEWN, PAYING YOUR
DEBT TO SOCIETY, PERHAPS YOU
