It's always a little awkward when
your friends find out you're single now.
Oh, uhm...
We're...We're not together anymore.
Do you need to cry?
(voice breaks) No...
Are you sure you're okay?
I cried all the...all the tears
I have already...
But it's even more awkward
when the internet finds out.
(gasp)
So what you're telling me is...
(slow-mo) There's a chance?
Yes, I went through a breakup recently.
And breakups...
are the worst thing in the world.
Because you cry,
you lie on the floor,
you cry,
you eat ice cream,
you cry,
you give yourself a pep talk...
SOMEDAY SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD!
And eventually, when all the crying stops,
you have to think about dating again.
And there are all these questions like,
"When do you tell someone that you have
4 cats?"
Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Brad.
I have 4 cats.
You're really hot.
"Where do you even go
to meet people?"
You may try to download Tinder.
Oh, a dick pic.
How nice.
Eh, I'll swipe right.
You may try to download Grindr.
Yeah, I sent him a picture of my boobs
and he blocked me.
And then,
it hits you.
You...are a serial monogamist
who, for the past 10 years,
have jumped from relationship to relationship
to relationship,
never being single for more than 3 months,
searching for the one, the dude, the partner,
who's gonna put a ring on it,
who's gonna be with me
(slow mo) FOREVER.
And then you realize that's crazy.
And then you realize, "Wow,
maybe, just maybe,
you should commit to yourself."
I've decided that I'm gonna spend the next year
single,
and I'm gonna focus on my career,
and on becoming a better person,
and on my mental health, obviously.
Look, Ray's a great person.
I love him very much,
and I am always going to respect him.
And he gave me Congress,
so...we're cool.
But, as amazing as he is,
and as amazing as I'd like to think I am,
we didn't work out.
And, I really want to spend this next year
focusing on the aspects of myself
that I can change for the better.
And go to gay clubs with my friends
to dance the pain away. (scoffs)
So I'm gonna say thank you to Audible
for sponsoring me,
and this accent is going to be a mystery.
Yes, normally I tell you what the accent is,
this time you have to guess.
Because I feel like that'll be more fun.
Alright ready?
Here we go.
[clears throat]
I'd like to thank Audible.com for sponsoring
today's episode.
You can go to Audible.com/Anna
for a free audiobook of your choice.
They have over 150,000 titles to choose from.
Currently, I'm listening to The Five Love Languages,
for obvious self-help reasons,
You can get that,
or another free audiobook of your choice
at Audible.com/Anna.
That's Audible.com/Anna.
Stay awesome, Gotham.
My life is a mess~
I feel like I'm going crazy~
At least I've got cats~
To keep me company~
I have to focus with a potted plant~
