 
THE LEGENDARY MAD MATILDA

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 20l7 Shawn James

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Published by SJS DIRECT, Bronx, NY, 10456

Dedicated to my Father. If it wasn't for him buying me that Word Processor for my 18th birthday, I wouldn't be a writer today.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank God for helping me write this book. If not for Him, I would have never finished this story. With His help maybe I'll be able to take my craft to the next level.

I'd also like to thank my Mother for supporting me and my writing career all these years.

A special thanks to my brother Steve for inspiring me and giving me hope during some of the hardest times of my life.

I'd also like to thank my sister Shawna for giving me a copy of Syd Field's Screenplay. That book helped me learn the basics about screenwriting and helped me learn a whole new set of writing skills.

A special thanks to YouTuber Amy Nekrotique. Her videos about Hosting Goth events, event promotion, event coordination and DJ sets helped me develop most of the scenes at VampJam 95 and gave me perspective on Matilda's career as an Goth event coordinator.

A special thanks to Goth YouTuber Angela Benedict for making all those great videos detailing what went on in the 90's Goth Subculture. Her videos were a great help to me in writing Matilida's backstory in the subculture.

A special thanks to YouTuber Rose Nocturnalia. Watching her videos gave me the inspiration for Mad Matilda's look, especially her teased out pigtails.

A special thanks to YouTuber Ligiea Resurrected. Her videos on Absinthe and the history of the drink were critical in helping me write the climax of this story.

A special thanks to YouTuber It's Black Friday. Her videos gave me great insight into the subculture.

A special thanks to You Tuber Drac Makens. Thanks to her videos I was able to learn so much about Goth make-up and make-up in general. Watching her make-up tutorials helped me understand how Matilda would go about creating her unique and spooky look.

A special thanks to blogger Sophitique Noir. (www. sophistiquenoir.com) Her fashion blog gave me lots of inspiration for Matilda's work outfits in this story.

And an extra special thanks to YouTubers Orphea333, Toxic Tears, Gothic Rock Goddess, Of Herbs And Altars, The Gothic Alice, Leah Mouse, Dumpster Dollie,Rose Nocturnalia, ViZion InPitch, Rezz Artrana, Morella Reborn, Rachel Shade, Wendesday, Aleen, Isaki Tahashi, Ree Ree Phillips, Smowy Lowther and countless other Goths. Your videos were a tremendous help to me in getting a better understanding of the Goth subculture, the music, the art, the clothes, the makeup and most importantly the people.

In addition, I'd like to thank fellow writers Liz Issacs, Savannah North and Francine Craft for their continued support and advice that helped me further develop my writing craft.

Finally, I'd like to thank all those eBook publishers out there. If not for this great technology, this story would be sitting at the bottom of a closet forgotten for years to come.
CHAPTER 1

February 1995

Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?

I ponder the answer to that question as I stare at my reflection in the grimy bathroom mirror of the abandoned warehouse where we're having tonight's rave. While I've been having fun putting these kinds of parties together over the last five years, I have to wonder if I really want to make a career out of this.

I'm one semester away from graduating from Columbia University, one of the best schools in the country. But I doubt their alumni association will be pleased to hear that Matilda Kelley Crowley is actually Mad Matilda, Queen of the Industrial Goth Raves. With a 3.88 GPA and series of glowing of letters of recommendations from internships at Fortune 500 companies, I could work anywhere I wanted. But I don't know if I'd really want to be a part of Corporate America. Over the last couple of years I've found my place in the Goth subculture and found my groove as an Industrial Rave promoter. Here, I'm a Black Widow loved by everyone. There I'd probably be a Tragic Mulatto who'd be reviled every day she came in to punch a clock.

There's a rapp on the bathroom door of my makeshift dressing room as I imagine myself on the stages of Goth clubs all across the country. When I hurry over and crack it open, I catch the eager smile of best friend Lady Diabolique. The slender spike-haired chalk colored woman wearing dark makeup, a black velvet skater dress, silver jewelry, and black 20-hole Doc Martens smiles as she gives me a once-over. "Hey Mattie, looking good." She tells me.

I smile looking down at the black cropped T-shirt, pleated mini kilt, spiked bracelets, and studded platform boots I'm wearing. "Thanks Olivia." I reply. "I didn't think I looked vampy enough for VampJam."

"You think the six-inch platform boots are bit much?" Olivia asks looking down at my feet.

I would have worn the four-inch ones, but the sole of my Demonias separated at the heel this afternoon. "Just like my pigtails, they're a part of my trademark."

"That's why Renaldo and Darius came all the way from NoHo to see you tonight."

I gasp when I hear who's in the crowd. Renaldo and Darius run The Hallows, one of the biggest Goth Clubs in Manhattan. "They're here?"

"Yeah. They wanted to see The Legendary Mad Matilda do one of her world famous stage dives for themselves."

Man, this could totally be my big break into legit clubs. "I didn't think news of my exploits traveled that far into the club scene."

"With all the celebrities who've popped up at your shows the word is getting out about Mad Matilda." Lady Diabolique continues. "You could be on your way after tonight."

If things work out tonight I could go from working in abandoned warehouses to setting up events in actual clubs. "What's the crowd like?"

"Hot. The DJ Nekrotech has them warmed up for your entrance."

My eyes grow wide when I hear who's mixing the tracks for tonight's show. "DJ Nekrotech? What happened to DJ Flash?"

"Flash said he got another gig last minute. So I had to call in Amy."

After taking my deposit. And because this show isn't being done in a legal venue I can't take him to court. Shit, two hundred dollars in the hole and we haven't even split the gate yet. "If only people knew what I had to go through to put these shows together." I sigh.

"They'd appreciate them even more. You ready to wake the dead?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Then let's get this party started."
CHAPTER 2

One down. One on the way. And one to go.

While Channel 7's late movie plays on the TV across from the bed, I flip through the photos in the family albums of Jason, the kids, and me. We've come a long way over the last twenty years. Brody's finished school, got married, and is now working at Universal Movie Studios. And Shelley will be finished with her first year at UC Berkley in a couple of months. And once Mattie graduates from Columbia in May, I can finally put in my papers and get ready to start my retirement.

I look over at the vacation brochures on the night table and imagine myself on a sandy beach this June when the bathroom door creaks open. I smile when I see my sexy husband Jason sauntering into the bedroom. The handsome middle-aged salt and pepper haired blue-eyed man is ready for a night of romance dressed in his silk pajamas. "Hey Muriel, going through the family albums again?" He asks falling into to bed beside me.

"Yeah." I reply. "I can't believe we actually have the house all to ourselves."

"First time in over twenty years."

"Yeah, they do grow up so fast." Jason says looking through the family photos. "Feels like almost yesterday all our kids scampering up and down the stairs playing."

"And now Brody's gonna be opening up his own KFC in a couple of months."

Jason raises an eyebrow on hearing about Brody's new business venture. "What? Working in the movies isn't enough for him?"

"Brody says having some extra investments like franchise restaurants help build wealth for the future. From what he tells me, he and Dashawn are gonna hire some people to run the restaurant while they do their jobs."

"So he's looking to make some money on the side."

"He calls it a long-term investment."

"I guess you would need to invest in something after that last recession." Jason continues. "The days of working until you retire at one company are over."

"Maybe Mattie will find some ways to make money for herself in a couple of years." I say. "And maybe she'll finally put that Goth thing to rest."

"Rest?" Jason laughs. "I doubt she's even getting started."

"After five years of dressing like a corpse I'd like to think she'd be thinking about getting her life together."

"I thought you were all for Mattie being a Goth-"

I didn't mind Mattie being The Black Widow. But ever since she's become Mad Matilda she's gone completely insane. When I saw her come home on Christmas Eve with her hair teased out in pigtails, wearing a spiked collar and platform boots I wondered what happened to our Little Lady. "You can't go to work like that."

"Somehow, the people at her internships don't mind. She says some of them say she's such a good intern they actually want to hire her when she graduates."

She keeps up with that Goth stuff she's gonna wind up living on somebody's sofa. "They're just saying that."

"What do you mean?"

Better let him know how people in HR like myself would see her at a real interview. "Interns don't get paid. And they don't see clients. And I know her bosses ain't gonna feel the same way with her on their payroll looking like Frankenstein's daughter."

"Who knows? She might become an executive someday."

"All I know is when it was time for me to get serious about work back in 1969 I had to break out a straightening comb."

"And you ain't been the same since you ironed out your Afro." Jason jabs.

Damn, I loved that hairstyle. "You loved my press and curl when you first saw it." I retort.

"Still do." Jason says giving me a kiss. "I think Mattie will get it together when she finishes school."

He has a lot more faith in her than I do. "With the way she loves being a Goth I think she'll be kicking and screaming when it's time to take out those piercings and take down the pigtails and get serious about work."

"So you think it's gonna be like mother, like daughter?" Jason jabs.

Remembering the tantrums I threw with Momma when I started dating Jason I hope karma doesn't come back to kick me in the ass. "Lord, I hope not."
CHAPTER 3

I follow Lady Diabolique out of the bathroom taking deep breaths to calm the anxieties welling up inside me. Every time I start a show I get nervous just like I did at my first rave back in 1990. Back then I was just trying to wake a dead crowd to save my friends' gate. Now I'm worried if this show doesn't go right there won't be a career for Mad Matilda in the club scene.

Just as I'm working out my pre-show jitters, my boyfriend Justin rushes up to me. The tall muscular bronze colored man dressed in a black rayon dress shirt, baggy black slacks, and black dress shoes has a worried look on his face as he approaches me. "Mattie, can I get a minute?" He asks.

I thought he was going to meet me on the dance floor later. "Dude, I'm about to start a show. Can't it wait until I finish the intro?"

Justin sucks his teeth. "You always telling me to wait for you-"

I know how he feels. I'd love to spend more time with him. But I don't get stuff together now it won't get together at all. "I know. But can we talk about it later?"

Justin huffs a sigh. "You always say that. Then some crazy shit happens and I never see you for the rest of the night-"

"Justin, I can't help that. Things just happen-"

"You make everything happen for everyone else but me-"

"Justin, I want to make time for you. But I've got work and school-"

"I've got school too. But I'm here instead of studying-"

With a five-course load at NYU I know the sacrifice he's making for me by coming out here tonight. "I know. It's just there's a lot of stuff that goes into these shows. And I have to be on top of them so things go right with them."

"What about making things go right with us?"

"Just let me get through the intro and I'll be able to give you a dance."

Justin huffs a sigh on hearing what I offer him. "Dance? I'm your man. I deserve more than that-"

He does. "You might get something else if you're nice to me." I say flashing him a playful smile.

Justin's frown changes into a smile on hearing my plans for us later. "See you after the intro?"

"Right after."

A spontaneous kiss to Justin's lips has him anticipating our meeting on the dance floor later this evening as I rush down the hall. I know I've been burning both ends of the candle these days, but I believe that there's a payoff coming for all my hard work. I just have to keep working towards it.
CHAPTER 4

While Mattie heads off to the stage to start her show, I head back down to the bar to get myself a drink. I'll wait for her tonight. But I'm getting real tired of waiting. And I'm getting tired of sharing my girlfriend with Mad Matilda.

I've spent the last three years at these raves and these clubs holding purses, watching coats, or standing on a damn wall while the Queen of the Industrial Goth Raves has been the life of the party. When I got with Mattie I thought I'd have a girlfriend who'd eventually stand with me on my wedding day. But all she does when we go out is stand me up in a corner while she goes to live her life with her Goth friends.

If things don't get right between us, one of us is gonna have to leave this relationship. And I'm starting to look at the door.
CHAPTER 5

The beats of the EBM song that heralds my entrance gets louder as I make my way down the hall to the main floor of the warehouse. As I get closer to the loading area turned stage, I feel the energy of the crowd. When I pass by the DJ table, all the kids on the makeshift dance floor fall out of DJ Nekrotech's mellow groove and into my vibe. Flashbulbs explode from cameras in the cheering crowd as I grab my mic off the stand and look out to the audience of black clad teenagers. "MAD MATILDA'S IN THE HOUSE! WHERE MY VAMPIRES AT!" I call out to the crowd.

The hot crowd starts to spark on my call. I hear whoops and hollers on my intro. "DJ NEKROTECH IS READY TO MAKE IT LIVE FOR YOU UNDEAD! AND THEN THE CONDEMNED ARE GONNA ROCK THE HOUSE! ARE YOU VAMPIRES READY TO JAM?"

The crowd lets me know how ready they are by screaming even louder. "YEAH!"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! ARE YOU READY TO JAM?"

"YEAH!" The crowd shouts even louder.

"ARE YOU READY TO GO CRAZY?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"ARE YOU READY TO GO MAD?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"I'M READY TO GO MAD! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STAAAARRRRTTTTEEEED!"

The crowd explodes with a roar when I drop the mic to the concrete floor. As its echo reverberates throughout the warehouse, I start rushing back for my trademark stage jump. While laser lights flash above the ceiling and industrial beats start playing, I look out to the crowd below and start running at full speed. When I take that leap off the stage I feel myself floating in the air for a moment. In that split second I see the hands of hundreds of Goths and Rivetheads reaching for me. I look down at them and feel safe in their arms as they catch me.

I feel the energy of the crowd as I'm carried by a wave of hands all the way to the other side of the warehouse. After I land on my feet, Goths and Rivetheads start dancing to the first song of the night. I'm about to go looking for Justin when I'm greeted by a round of applause from some of the patrons who didn't participate in the wave. When I turn around and see Lady Diabolique and two men dressed in tailored suits standing in front of me I smile. Those must be the club owners she was telling me about. "Wow, what an entrance." One of the men says.

"Thanks." I say smiling back at them.

Lady Diabolique gestures towards the men as she introduces them. "Mattie I want you to meet Renaldo Gonzales and Darius Jones, owners of The Hallows."

I light up on seeing the owners of one of New York's biggest Goth club face-to face. "Nice to meet you." I say extending my hand.

"I'd have to say the pleasure is mine." Renaldo says shaking it. "People told me I'd need to see the legendary Mad Matilda in action. And you are something else."

"No wonder they call you the Downtown Julie Brown of the scene." Darius says. "You really get a crowd going."

"It's the only way we can make money on these shows." I reply. "The more word spreads about my parties, the more people want to come to see them."

"Have to say it's a full house." Renaldo continues. "We usually don't pack em' in like this on a weekend downtown."

"That's because you have to follow fire codes." I retort.

The men laugh as Darius takes a business card out of his blazer. "I'd like to see what you could do at one of our events. Give me a call next week."

"I'll definitely do that."
CHAPTER 6

As Lady Diabolique leads Darius and Renaldo over to the makeshift bar, I start to get ecstatic. This is it! My big break! I'm gonna be doing a show at the biggest Goth club in New York City!

I can't wait to tell Justin the good news. I spot my boyfriend on the far side of the warehouse with a Coke can in his hand. When he meets my eyes he smiles in anticipation of our moment together. As The Cure's _Love Song_ begins playing on the speakers, I start sauntering through the crowd in his direction. Before I can get two feet, I'm stopped dead in my tracks by Ebony Darkness. The slender peanut butter colored woman wearing dark makeup, black jeans, a band shirt, and Doc Marten boots has a worried look on her face as she rushes over to me. "Mattie, we got a situation." She tells me.

"What's going on Ebony?"

"Something happened to a kid in one of the bathrooms."

As I turn around to deal with the situation on the floor, I watch Justin's smile twist into a frown. I'll make it up to you Boyfriend. Sometime tonight.
CHAPTER 7

I suck my teeth watching Mattie rush off with Brenda to another part of the warehouse. I should have known she wouldn't be able to keep her promise. Just like clockwork some crazy shit comes up that only Mad Matilda can deal with. Sometimes I think she likes putting those pigtails up so she can be the superhero to the Goth scene.

I should just raise up and be out. But I just want to hear what crazy excuse she comes up with this time. I swear, Mattie's excuses are almost as ridiculous as the ones Matt Murdock uses when he checks out of his law office to take on the bad guys in that Daredevil comic she likes to read. I wonder what Goth crisis she had to deal with this time? The bar running out of Orange Slice? A scratched Cure record? Or are the blacks on a band members' outfit not matching?

If she put half the effort into our relationship that she puts into dealing with this rave shit we'd be a lot closer than we are right now. But she'd rather commit more to the Goth scene than to me. I'll give a break this time. But I'm really getting tired of having a full time relationship with a part-time girlfriend.
CHAPTER 8

My heart pounds in my chest as Ebony Darkness leads me through the crowds and down the hall over to some more bathrooms on the far side of the warehouse. I'm hoping what she has to show me isn't bad enough to make me end the show early.

I push past the creaky door of the abandoned men's room praying not to see something truly macabre. My heart stops when I see a babybat, barely fourteen years old dressed in mismatched thrift store clothes, bad eyeliner, and teased out hair slumped on the floor under the bathroom sink. "Oh my God!" I gasp rushing over to her.

I look into the girl's glazed over eyes and quickly recognize the drug she's on. Ecstasy. "Are you all right?"

"You're Mad Matilda!" She babbles. "Man, I can't believe I'm actually talking to Mad Matilda!"

This isn't the way I wanted to be recognized by a fan. "Yeah, are you okay sweetie?"

"I'm okay. See-"

The girl tries to get to her feet and stumbles back down to the floor. Shit, she's high out of her mind. "What happened?"

The girl manages to get enough of her faculties together to tell me her story. "I was feeling nervous. And a guy said he could give me something to make me feel better."

"Blue pills?"

"Yeah..." The girl says as her hands creep towards her purse.

I reach into her purse and take out a couple of blue pills. Just like I thought. Ecstasy. "Where did you get these?"

"From a skinny Puerto Rican guy in a leather jacket."

That sounds like Louie Escobar. I told that asshole he was persona non-grata at my shows. Looks like he's here to make a fast dollar peddling pills at the expense of babybats. I catch the sick look on the kid's face and realize she took more than one. "Ebony, I need you and Lucinda to get her to St. Luke's-"

"But that's all the way on Morningside-"

With all the drugs she's taken we don't have a moment to lose. "The faster she gets her stomach pumped, the faster she can start feeling better."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna have it out with Louie."
CHAPTER 9

While Ebony Darkness helps the babybat to her feet, I storm out of the bathroom looking to kick some ass. I don't believe that bastard! He's gonna sell drugs to kids at my show! When I'm through with him there won't be enough of him left to flush back down the sewer he crawled out of.

I pass by the entrance and gesture to Rondell and Chico, the guys from my neighborhood who I hired to work security. As we rush through the crowd my hands clench into fists. Since he didn't seem to get the warning I gave him at my last show, I'm gonna have to get rough with him.

I make my way through the crowd and find Louie in a corner flashing his wares to some kids that barely look thirteen years old. The skinny olive skinned man dressed in a black leather jacket, slacks, and a silk shirt rolls his eyes and huffs a sigh when he sees me rush over to him. "Awww shit, Bustdown Julie Brown." Louie snarls.

The kids who were about to buy drugs from Louie scurry away as I point daggers in his direction. "I thought I told you there's no drugs at my parties-"

"Hey, I'm just trying to help kids take the edge off-"

"There's a kid in a bathroom passed out thanks to you-"

"Hey man, she didn't get it from me." Louie says putting his hands up.

"And no one else will get it from you tonight-"

"Yo, you can't kick me out. I paid admission-"

I reach into my T-shirt, take $10 out of my bra and stuff it in his shirt pocket. "Get his ass the fuck out of my show. "

"Oh you gonna bounce me?" Louie says glaring at me.

"Yeah, I'm gonna bounce you. And If you bring your ass back in here I'm gonna do worse than that."

I snap my fingers and Rondell and Chico grab Louie by the shoulders. There's a nervous look on Louie's face as the men follow behind me and drag him through the warehouse. When we approach the fire exit, his eyes grow wide. "Hey, that's the door near the expressway!" He barks.

I smile at him. "You're lucky I'm not having you tossed into the Hudson River."

Rondell and Chico toss Louie out onto Riverside Drive. As he stumbles into the street, he dodges oncoming cars heading towards the expressway on-ramp. If he ever comes back to another one of my shows, I'll put one of these platform boots so far up his ass he'll shit New Rock logos for a month.
CHAPTER 10

The world is a blur as Mad Matilda's bouncers send me tumbling into the oncoming traffic on Riverside Drive. Since it's gonna be like that then, I ain't got no hard feelings for Polly Pigtails. For the last six months I tried to cut the kid into the business. But after she played me foul I gotta cash the bitch out.

After I dodge cars and get back onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street under the expressway, I get my flip phone out and punch in the number of the 26th Precinct. Whatever happens to her tonight happens to her. It's just business from here on in.
CHAPTER 11

After I toss Louie out of my show, I start looking around the room for Justin. He's probably super pissed about me not being able to keep my promise, but I had to deal with this. After what happened to Brody, I'm never going to let anyone sell drugs at any of my parties.

As The Cure's Love Song ends and Sister's of Mercy's _More_ starts playing from the speakers on stage, I spot Justin on the far side of the warehouse with Lady Diabolique. There's an annoyed look on his face as he vents his frustrations about me to her. I'm hoping I can smooth things over when I get a chance to talk to him.

I'm halfway through the room when I see a couple at the door arguing with one of my other bouncers. I huff a sigh as I rush over to the entrance to find out what's going on. "What's the problem Khyree?" I ask.

Before Khyree can speak, the honey colored man dressed in a Black Karl Kani jean suit loses it. "Man, I paid my $10, got my stamp, and now they're telling me I can't get in!" He barks.

"This is a Goth jam Mattie." Khyree says. "You gotta dress in Goth gear to get in. Dude got on Karl Kani."

Dammit, I can't believe he's going to start that elitism shit. "Let him in Khyree."

"But Karl Kani is gonna disrupt the flow of the room-"

Karl Kani as he calls him is gonna tell his friends about his experience at this show. And if they have a good time, they're gonna come back and spend more money at the next one. "I don't care."

"But Karl Kani isn't Goth-"

"Let. Him. In." I insist.

Khyree rolls his eyes, huffs a sigh, and lifts the hook of the velvet rope and lets the brotha and his girlfriend in. As he steps on the dance floor, I rush behind him and reach into my T-shirt for some money. "I'm really sorry you had to deal with that." I apologize.

"You really need to do something about these assholes you have at your door." The brotha tells me. "They're gonna cost you business."

I know. "I'll take care of it."

"Man, I've been in the subculture for two years and I ain't never been treated the way I have tonight."

Looks like he was eager to have a good time. Maybe I can get him back in the mood to have some fun. "Why don't you have a drink on me?" I say handing him a five-dollar bill.

The man's face lights up on seeing the money. "Cool."

"I never expected you to be so nice Mad Matilda." The man's girlfriend says. "I just thought it was an act."

Just doing unto others as I'd like done unto me. "I always make sure my people are treated right."

"Nice to know you still keep it real sista." The guy says.

While the guy and his girl head over to the bar, I spot Justin again. There's a pissed off look on his face as he meets my eyes across the room. Falling into the groove of More I put on my friendliest smile and sashay across the room towards him. By the time I finish my sexy strut and approach him he's still pissed. "I thought you said you'd be back once the intro was done." Justin snarls.

"Stuff happened." I sigh.

"It always does." Justin huffs. "So are we gonna dance? Or is more stuff gonna happen?"

I flash him a playful smile and grab the sleeve of his shirt. "Oh, we're gonna do more than just dance." I say pulling him through the crowd.
CHAPTER 12

I get anxious feeling the tension between Justin and I as I pull him through the crowd. I was hoping having him here tonight would lead to us having some alone time where we could work on making things better between us. But just like clockwork, stuff kept getting in the way. If it's not school, it's work at an internship project. Or I'm busy planning a party. Or something crazy happens that's beyond my control.

I'd love to make my man my main priority. Three years into our relationship he's put up with a lot dealing with Mad Matilda and her raving insanity. But with me being a semester away from finishing school I know I need to focus on that above all else. Maybe when school is over and my first club event is done, I can finally start getting serious with Justin.

Until then I'm hoping I can keep my longsuffering boyfriend interested. After we clear the crowd on the dance floor, we dart up the stairs of the loading area and head down the hall towards the ladies room I'm using as a dressing room. While Lady Diabolique and Lord Sidious count money from the gate near the door, I rush past them into one of the stalls, lock the door behind me, and give my boyfriend an amorous smile before kissing him on the lips. "Sorry about not being able to keep my promise." I tell him.

"Well, I think this makes up for it." Justin replies.

"I think I can do better than that." I say.

Justin's eyes grow wide as I start unbuckling his belt and unbutton his slacks. "Mattie, your people are out there!" He gasps.

With all the problems I'm having with him I think they'll understand. "Want to know why they call me Mad Matilda around here?" I flirt unzipping his slacks. "Because the craziest shit happens at my parties."

There's an awed look on Justin's face as I quickly drop into a squat and grab at the waistband of his pants. With a yank I ease his pants and boxer briefs down to his knees. As his growing cock falls out of his shorts, I give his one-eyed friend a kiss with my ebony lips. Goosebumps rise all over his body as my tongue swirls around the head of his stiffening member. When I sink my cheeks into him and start bobbing my head up and down on him, he throws his head back and lets out a groan. "Damn girl, where'd you learn to suck a dick like that?" Justin gasps as he meets my eyes on the downstroke.

I flash him a playful smile as I take his dick out of my mouth. "Watching Brody's old stash of Nina De Ponca and Vanessa Del Rio movies."

Justin flashes me a smile that makes my night. "Girl, you a total freak-"

Only for the man I plan to marry. Now that I've gotten him out of that sour mood, let's see if I can really get him to have a good time. "Relax." I say stroking his throbbing cock. "I'm just getting started."

"Started?"

"Yeah." I say peering up at him. "Since you were so upset, I didn't want you to leave my party without a smile on your face."

The tension that was in the air between us dissipates as I spring to my feet. I hear Justin's heart racing in his chest as my fingers slip under the hem of my kilt. His eyes grow wide watching my string bikini briefs slide out from under my skirt and down onto my knees. When they fall to the tops of my platform boots I catch the hungry look in his eyes. "Let me get a rubber." Justin says reaching into his pocket.

With the way things are going between us I would have taken him raw. But it's better to be safe than sorry. Once Justin gets his Jimmy hat on, the hungry look turns into a horny gaze. He grabs me by my waist and twists me around. I barely have enough time to grab the side walls of the stall when I feel him going inside me. God, he feels so good. "Yeah, come on, give it to me!" I call out hearing my hips slap against his. "Gimme that dick. FUCK ME! FUUUUUUCK ME!" I scream.

Hearing my cries makes Justin pound my pussy harder. When he gets a rhythm going, he starts pumping his hips and going cock diesel on my pussy. I feel him throbbing inside me and throw my head back as I feel the orgasm coming on. Just as I'm about to cum, I hear hands frantically pounding on the door of the stall. "MATTIE! MATTIE!" Lady Diabolique calls out to me.

Can't she see I'm in the middle of something? "What's going on?" I call out.

"IT'S THE COPS!"
CHAPTER 13

I come off the high of the orgasm and see the lights from the police bars flashing out of the window above the stall. Oh my God, we've been busted!

I pull out of Justin and frantically yank my panties back up. After I jerk the door of the stall open, we're met with the panicked look of my best friend. "Mattie, the cops are here!" Olivia panics. "And they're on the floor!"

"Cops?" Justin says pulling up his pants. "How'd the cops get here?"

"I don't know," I say rushing out of the bathroom. "Somebody must have snitched. How'd they come in?"

"The east side entrance."

That still gives us enough time to get out of here from 133rd Street. "You and Sidous have the money?"

"Yeah, in the backpacks."

"Head out the side. We'll hide out at Leona's on Broadway."

Justin gives me a nervous look as he zips up his pants. "Mattie, how'd this happen? I thought you had things squared with the super-"

I thought I did too. Either somebody snitched or some of Giuliani's rookies called it in. As we rush into the hall, Lord Sidious tosses Lady Diabolique a backpack. After she slings it over her shoulder, we make a mad dash down the hall and make a right. After we pass by the loading area, I catch a glimpse of all the kids being herded out of the warehouse by the cops. When I hear the sound of police radios in the distance, my heart stops pounding a mile a minute in my chest and starts pounding two. "FREEZE!" A female officer calls out to us.

On seeing us, the Puerto Rican woman in the blue nylon NYPD jacket starts rushing in our direction. I've got to get this money out of here. If I don't, no one will get paid. I push past the heavy door leading out to what was once a parking lot. As I feel the chill in the night air, I hear more police officers footsteps behind us as Lady Diabolique and Lord Sidious rush past me and dash across the puddles in the weed-filled yard towards the chain link fence. Lord Sidious jumps on it and is halfway over when I hear the female officer running behind me. I'm right behind Lady Diabolique who tosses her bag over. As Sidious takes the bags and starts bolting up Riverside Drive, she starts scaling up the fence. Once she's over, Justin pushes past me and starts racing up the chain links like he was climbing a ladder. He's catching up with Lady Diabolique and Lord Sidious as I struggle to get a grip.

My heart starts racing in my chest when a flashlight starts shining in my direction. POLICE OFFICER! GET ON THE GROUND!" the female calls out again.

I hear her footsteps getting closer and her police radio getting louder. Shit, I can't get any traction with these platform boots. In desperation I frantically jump up as high as I can and grab a handful of chain links and try to push myself up with my shoulders. As I start trying to get my footing again, I miss a step on a rung and tumble facedown into an ice cold puddle of mud.

Before I can get my faculties together I feel my arm being twisted behind me. I start to tremble as I feel the handcuffs ratcheting around my wrist. Oh my God, I'm going to jail!
CHAPTER 14

I hear Mattie still struggling to climb the chain link fence as I bolt through the abandoned lot on 133rd Street and up 12th Avenue. I wanted to help her out, but I couldn't get arrested. All a Black man needs is a jail record and his life is as good as over.

As much as I love Mattie, I got too much to lose. While she has a White Daddy to look out for her, all I got is myself. All it takes is one arrest for me to lose my scholarship, my job, and wind up back in my momma's house. I worked too hard over the last twelve years to get myself to the point where I could get into NYU. And I'm not gonna to risk that for nobody.

I catch up with Mattie's friends Olivia and Kevin at the red light at the corner of 133rd and 11th Avenue. When Olivia sees me by myself a worried look falls on her face. "Where's Mattie?" She asks.

"I don't know, she was right behind me." I reply.

"Right behind you?" Olivia barks. "Why didn't you help her?"

Why didn't she look out for us? "Look, those cops were right on us. I didn't want to get locked up-"

Olivia's eyes grow wide on hearing what I've done. "So you left her?"

"The cops were coming. I had to do what I had to do-"

"Do what you had to do?" Kevin says. "Man, you foul."

I cut a cold look at Kevin after he makes the comment. "How am I foul man?"

"Mattie's your woman. You don't leave your woman out there like that-"

"So you'd rather sit in jail with her?"

Kevin's and Olivia's faces fall into uneasy looks when they think about the prospect of getting arrested. "Mattie would've had our backs-"

Too bad they can't see how Mad Matilda was about to jam them up. "And who would have our backs if we all got locked up?" I growl.

The silent response I get answers my question. "Look, I know you guys care about Mattie. But we all got too much to lose to keep dealing with Mad Matilda and her crazy shit."

"You speaking real hard against a woman you say you love-"

Yeah, I love Mattie. But I love my freedom even more. I got to get them to see the big picture so they can understand what that nappy headed pigtailed crazy lady in the Frankenstein boots could have cost them. "Kev, you got a good job at Transit." I plead. "And Olivia, you want to be a teacher. All it takes is one of Mad Matilda's crazy nights to lead to you getting a record and losing everything you're working for."

Kevin and Olivia start thinking about what I'm saying. "Still, it's not right for you to leave Mattie man." Kevin says.

"Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do."

As the light turns green Olivia looks down the street across the lot at the end of the Avenue before we cross it. "Maybe she got over the fence." Olivia says.

Those cops are probably still looking for people from the party. So we need to be out before they find us. "Maybe." I concede.

"We're gonna wait for her at Leona's." Olivia says. "You want to come with us?"

The cops might be still looking for people who went to the party. I need to put some distance between me and this scene. "Ya'll can wait for Mattie." I say. "I'm out."
CHAPTER 15

I'm a bundle of nerves as the officer who arrested me leads me out of the front entrance of the warehouse to the sidewalk on 12th Avenue. This is it, I'm done. My whole life is over before it even started.

While she eases me into the backseat of a squad car, I look out the window for Lady Diabolique, Justin, and Lord Sidious. When I don't see them among the other unfortunate kids being herded into police vans, I let out a sigh of relief. God, I hope they got away.
CHAPTER 16

I yank at the handcuff that keeps me attached to the precinct bench I'm sitting on with several of the partygoers who attended tonight's rave. Oh Mattie, when you fuck up, you fuck up royally.

The 26th Precinct has been a hubbub of activity with cops trying to find out who all the Goth kids from the party are. Thankfully in the sea of spooky faces being walked around the stationhouse I haven't seen Lady Diabolique, Lord Sidious, or Justin among any of the kids they brought in. So maybe they got away.

One of the kids who came to tonight's party looks over at me and smiles. I don't see what she has to be happy about. "Hey, great party Mad Matilda." She tells me.

I'm glad she had a good time. "It was until the cops busted it up." I sigh.

"Yeah, looks like somebody snitched."

How can she be so nonchalant about this? "Aren't you scared about going to jail?"

"Nah, this happens all the time at raves." A boy sitting next to her replies. "If you're out here you'll be okay. They'll probably call your parents and give them a ticket when they come to pick you up. Now if they put you on the bus to Central Booking, you'd be fucked."

I don't know what's more scary, the fact that they're so calm about this or the fact that they know so much about the process of New York City's criminal justice system at such a young age. "Central Booking?"

"That's where they send all the people they really want to lock up."

I'm about to ask them some more questions about the criminal justice system when I hear footsteps approaching in our direction. I look up at the dour look on the face of the middle-aged Hispanic woman who arrested me and get nervous. "Mad Matilda?" She asks.

"Y-Yeah?"

"Detective Jasmine Rojas. I hear you're the reason why my precinct is filled with all these kids tonight."

"We were just having a party-"

"Let's talk about it upstairs."

After Detective Rojas unlocks the handcuff that attaches me to the bench and puts it back on her belt, she leads me up the stairs to the part of the precinct where the detectives work. After we navigate the maze of desks in the office space, she drops me into one of the seats across from hers in the back. Once she takes a seat adjacent from me she gives me a smile that makes my eyes fall to the linoleum floor. "Hard to believe the life of the party is so shy." Detective Rojas says.

"Just haven't felt like talking."

"I feel like talking. So is Mad Matilda your real name? Or is it some club alias?"

"We were just having a party-"

The detective takes my hand. "Calm down. I just want to know who you are."

I may as well come clean. I reach into the top of my T-shirt and get my ID out of my bra. As she looks it over the detective smiles. "So your name actually is Matilda Crowley?"

"Y-Yeah."

"And you go to Columbia University?"

"Yeah?"

"So why would an Ivy League kid like you be hosting a rave up here?"

I may as well let her know the truth. "Er...There's not many Goth clubs for kids under 18 to go to. So I host parties so they can have a place to go."

The detective gives me a quizzed look. "Goths? What are Goths?"

"Er...we're people who see things from a darker perspective."

"Like those weirdoes on Jenny Jones?"

Seems like she only knows us from what she's seen on daytime TV. "A lot of us are decent people-"

The detective gives me a look. "If you're so decent, why'd you run?"

God, I put my foot in my mouth that time. "We thought you were gonna arrest us-"

"If you hadn't run, you would have just gotten a ticket like the kids downstairs for trespassing. But now that I know you're The Legendary Mad Matilda, we're gonna have to charge you with a lot more than trespassing."

My eyes grow wide on hearing what they're planning to do with me. "I-I'm going to jail?"

"That's for the ADA to decide." Detective Rojas says turning the phone at her desk in my direction. "You got anybody you want to call before we send you over to Central Booking?"

I could try to call Lady Diabolique. But chances are if I call her to bail me out, the cops will try to get her to confess to stuff related to tonight's show. With her a couple of months away from getting her Master's, I don't want to see her fuck her life up because I chose to wear the wrong shoes tonight. I hate to do, it but there's only two people I can call. And I hope they answer.
CHAPTER 17

The chirp of the phone ringing wakes me out of a restful sleep. As I stir out of a sleepy daze I look over at the clock and catch the time. 4:32 in the morning. Lord, I hope somebody hasn't died. "Hello?"

"Mom, it's me," Mattie says. "I'm in jail!"

"Jail?" I say springing up out of bed. "What happened?"

As Mattie starts crying, I hear the phone being passed over. "Mrs. Crowley?" A woman with a Puerto Rican accent says. "This is Detective Jasmine Rojas from the 26th Precinct. We caught your daughter and a bunch of kids trespassing at a warehouse on 133rd Street and 12th Avenue."

"What would she be doing down there? She's supposed to be in school-"

"As far as we know, your daughter was hosting a rave tonight."

Rave? Lord, what kind of crazy mess has this girl gotten herself into? "Hosting a rave?"

"She can explain it to you after she explains it to the judge."

"Judge? Can't we come pick her up?"

"I'd love to just give her a ticket. But after all the stuff she's done tonight, we gotta put her in the system. The ADA will decide what to do from here."

Oh my God. "And that's downtown?"

"Yeah. 100 Centre Street. The judge will decide what her bail will be."

I hang up the phone doing my best to keep from letting my imagination run wild. The only way I'm gonna find out how deep she's involved with this rave mess is to go down to court and get her out of jail. Then after the judge gives her back to me, her ass is mine.
CHAPTER 18

I've been on pins and needles the last couple of hours. After I got my phone call at the precinct, then they took me and a bunch of other women, loaded us into a police van, and drove us downtown to Central Booking. Once they got us down here, they took our personal information, fingerprinted us, took our mugshots, and then searched us. As they looked for contraband among my personal property, they took my money, my watch, my belt, my ID, and all my jewelry. And because my boots had springs in the platforms, they even took my boots and socks.

Once they got through doing our paperwork, they ran down our names and then took us into downstairs into this big cell with a toilet in the center of it. I've been doing my best to keep from vomiting inhaling the stench filling the room. In between the foul odors of fish smelling pussies, funky underarms, and stank asses, this place smells worse than a sewer.

In the time I've been here waiting for them to do whatever they do to people who've been arrested, I've been doing my best to just keep it together. As I stare down at the concrete floor, I wonder how my life went to shit in less than no time. Earlier tonight I was thinking about finishing school and my future as an event promoter. But now that' I'm in here I'm wondering if that's what I really want to do with the rest of my life.

Sure raving is fun. And I do it because I want babybats to have a safe place to party without being hassled by the pretentious assholes that hang out in Goth spots like Trepidation. But do I really want to do this five or ten years from now? Fighting with people about who gets in my shows and if they're "Goth" enough, dealing with DJs not showing up, and keeping dope dealers from getting in the door. Or worse, dealing with poor kids like the one who I found on the bathroom floor tonight. These kinds of nights were easy to deal with five years ago when I first started doing these shows, but lately they've been getting to me. I don't think I could deal with them if they included stints in jail too.

That's if I even survive this one. With the way Detective Rojas was talking, I may be on my way to Rikers after this. And from the rough way many of these females in here look I may not survive the experience. These women look like they'd eat me alive and wash me down with a glass of milk.

I'm fighting off sleep again when I feel a pair of eyes on me. As I turn to look to see who's looking at me I'm greeted with the weary smile of a scraggly blonde White woman dressed in a skimpy pink PVC dress. "Guess you had a rough night." The raspy voiced woman says to me.

"Yeah, I did." I mumble.

"Hey, what happened to your shoes? She says looking down at my black painted toenails. "Somebody jack you for them in here?"

"They said the springs in them could be used as weapons. So they took them."

"That happens. You'll get em' back after they arraign you."

"How long will that be?"

"Could be a day, day and a half. Depends on how many people get taken in."

I look around the cell with over thirty women sitting on metal benches and sleeping on the floor and realize I'm not going anywhere for a while. And the scary part is I don't know how long that while will be. It was eight o'clock in the morning when they took my watch from me, and I don't know how many hours have passed since then. "Has it been a day already?"

"It must be about eleven at night."

That's an interesting way of telling time. "How do you know that?

"COs have passed by here about four times to call people up for court. And they came by with lunch a couple of hours ago."

I can't believe anyone would even want to think about eating in this shithole. "Lunch?"

"You were asleep when they came by. By the way you were snoring, must have had some fun where you were." She says looking over my mud stained clothes.

More like my brain crashed from anxiety overload. "Yeah, we did. Until the cops showed up."

"So what'd they get you for?"

I'm about to answer her question when a group of guards guard approaches the cell. "Alright listen up." One of the guards calls out. "When I call your name line up. You're heading to court."

I keep my ears open for my name as she reads down the sheet. "Sylvia Acosta. Billie Alvarez. Rennie Barstow. Lin Chun. Davina Concepion. Matilda Crowley."

On hearing my name I spring up off the concrete bench. Before I head out of the cell to join the other women in the hall, the prostitute I was talking to catches my eye and smiles at me again. "Good Luck." She tells me.

I'm gonna need it. "Thanks."
CHAPTER 19

I peer up at the clock across from me in the hallway of Manhattan Criminal Court for the umpmillionth time. 4:22 in the morning. I can't believe we've been here all day and all night waiting for Mattie's case to come up.

I would have been out here even earlier than that last night if Jason hadn't stopped me. Oh, I was ready to rush out to the precinct in my nightgown with my belt before Jason told me that we had to call our lawyer first. But thank God he calmed me down. Because if I had gone down to that precinct in the mood I was in, they'd be putting Mad Matilda in a body bag and putting me in a jail cell. Talking about she's raving. More like a raving fool. She gets an opportunity to go to one of the best schools in the world for free and what does she do with it? She uses it to go crazy.

After calming me down, Jason called our lawyer. Once we got him on the phone he told us that we'd have to get Mattie's arrest number and then we'd have to wait for her to appear before the judge. I just didn't know it'd take this long. "I guess we're gonna be here for another day." I sigh.

"Yeah, those are the slow wheels of our justice system." Jason replies. "Everything takes forever in the courts."

"Mattie's probably scared shitless in there."

"Knowing her she's probably had an anxiety attack or two-"

"That's if she hasn't had a nervous breakdown-"

Serve her right after all she put us through today. "She should have thought about that before she went out here acting like a raving fool-"

"Sounds like she was looking for ways to create her own long-term investments like Brody-"

"And a rave sounds like something Mattie would do-"

"I'm just hoping she's not selling drugs."

I take my husband's hand. "I wouldn't think Mattie wouldn't sell drugs after what happened to Brody-"

"You heard that report on Channel 7 last year. They sell drugs at those raves-"

"And if she's running raves Mattie might have that stuff stashed at the house. Jason, we could lose our house-"

"Let's not jump to conclusions Muriel." Jason comforts. "We need to let the judge tell us what she's charged with before we worry about anything else."

I do my best to keep my imagination in check watching people walk in and out of the hall. It's hurt my heart to watch kids no younger than Mattie walk in and out of here looking dirty, raggedy, and drugged up. I shudder to think about what she'll look like when they bring her out.

Our lawyer Sal, rushes down the hall. The husky silver haired middle-aged man dressed in a rumpled navy blue suit and red tie has an eager look on his face as he approaches us. "They're gonna call Matilda's case in a few minutes." He tells us.

"Any word on what she's being charged with?" Jason asks.

"From what I read in the arrest report they want to charge her with a bunch of Class A misdemeanors." Sal replies. "Criminal trespass, unlawful assembly, operating a business without a license, loitering, and resisting arrest."

Those are a lot of charges. "I thought misdemeanors weren't serious." I say. "Just pay a fine and go home-"

"That's how it usually goes." Sal says. "But the cops have really been pushing this quality of life thing since Giuliani became mayor. And from what the ADA tells me, the cops at the precinct have been wanting to get Mad Matilda for a couple of years now for making their lives difficult up at the warehouses on 12th Avenue."

"So they want to make an example out of Mattie." Jason says.

"Depending on how the DA wants to go with her she could be looking at jail time."

My heart stops thinking about Mattie going to prison. "Oh my God-"

"I'm gonna do everything I can to keep your daughter out of jail Muriel."

I guess that's all he can do. After giving us his comforting words, we ease up out of our seats on the bench and follow Sal down the hall into courtroom A. As we take seats in the gallery, we see Mattie sitting across from us with a bunch of rough looking women waiting for their chance to make a plea. The slender chalk colored woman has her hair in pigtails, black lipstick on her lips, mud all over her T-shirt, and a tired look on her face. From the looks of things our Little Lady has gone plum crazy.
CHAPTER 20

Over the last four hours, I've been looking over at the judge's bench at all the people being arraigned. While I listen to the charges being presented against them, I also listen out for my name. It's not that much longer before I know my fate. Either I'll be going to Rikers or I'll be going home.

In between listening to the people in court, I've been glancing over at the pews in the gallery looking for Mom and Dad. They said they'd be coming down, but I haven't seen them in all the time I've been here. I know they're pissed, embarrassed, and probably even ashamed of me. But I just wish I knew if they still cared about me.

The judge sets bail for the woman in the assault case I've been listening to for $25,000. After she says she doesn't have it, the judge remands her over to Rikers Island until her court date in July. The woman starts bawling knowing she'll be spending the next six months in that hellhole.

While the bailiffs take the teary eyed woman back down to the holding areas downstairs, the judge indifferently requests that the clerk call the next case. "State of New York Vs. Matilda Crowley." The clerk says.

My heart pounds in my chest as I ease out of my seat. As I make my way out of the holding area, a bailiff escorts me across the courtroom. Before I approach one of the desks across from the judge's bench, I'm greeted by the smile of a man in a navy blue suit who rushes over to me. "Mattie, I'm Sal, your attorney." He says. "Let me do the talking."

After our abrupt introduction, I look behind me I catch a glimpse of my parents sitting in the gallery. From the uneasy looks on their faces I can't tell how they feel about me being here. "What are the charges?" The judge asks.

The prosecutor across from me reads from the file "Your Honor, Miss Crowley or Mad Matilda as she calls herself is charged with criminal trespass, operating a business without a license, loitering, unlawful assembly, and resisting arrest in conjunction with a rave party she was hosting last night at an abandoned property on 12th Avenue." She says.

I meet the cold blue eyes of the judge as he peers down at me. "How do you plead Miss Crowley?"

There's no way to answer that keeps me out of jail. I'm guilty as sin. "Your honor, Matilda pleads Not Guilty." Sal replies.

The judge gives Sal a quizzed look. "Counsel, is this what Ms. Crowley wants to do?" The judge inquires.

If it gets me out of here I'll go along. I nod my head in agreement.

"Do you understand the charges being presented against you Ms. Crowley?"

I don't know what half that stuff means. But I'll just go along. Sal telegraphs a look to me that lets me know I can speak. "Yes, Your Honor." I say nervously.

The judge looks over at the prosecutor. "Does the prosecution want to keep the defendant in custody?"

"Your honor, with this being Ms. Crowley's first offense, and her being a full-time student with commitments, the state doesn't believe Ms. Crowley is going to be a flight risk. So we'd like to believe she'd return for her next court appearance."

I become nervous on meeting the Judges' intense blue eyes. "Since this is the defendant's first offense, I'm going to release her on her own recognizance. But I expect her to be in court for a hearing on April 3rd."

Right in the middle of finals. Shit. "She'll be here your honor." Sal says.

With my court date set, Sal leads me away from the defense table and towards the gallery. As we approach my parents, he puts his arm around me and whispers in my ear. "You're gonna be okay." He tells me.

I don't know about that. From the pissed look Mom telegraphs to me I think I should have taken the bus to Rikers. "Maybe."

"I think we can work this out." Sal says.

"I hope so. Thanks for coming out on such short notice." Dad says.

"I'll call you later."

After Sal files out of the courtroom, the angry looks on my parents' faces twist into scowls. I'm not going to jail. But I'm definitely gonna get punished. "Mom, I'm sorry-"

"Just don't say anything Mattie." Dad sighs shaking his head.

"No, don't say shit until I get you home." Mom says. "Because when I get you home, yo ass is mine."
CHAPTER 21

I'm filled with trepidation as we march up the stairs of our brownstone. With the trouble I'm in I'm in uncharted territory here. After the way I fucked up last night, I'm looking at getting the punishment to end all punishments.

The tension in the air rises to a crescendo after Dad unlocks the door and we step into the foyer. I catch the glower in my Dad's eyes and start shaking. "Dad, I'm sorry-" I plead.

"You're sorry?" Dad snarls as his hands clench into fists. "That all you got to say!"

I start trembling see my father gesturing to take off his belt. Just as he's about to grab at me, Mom takes his hand. "No, Jason. I got this."

I catch the look in my Mother's eyes and see a dark spark I haven't seen since I was seven years old and she beat me and Shelley for having a fight over Barbie dolls. "Oh shit-" I gasp.

When I see that spark in her scowling eyes, I start scrambling to get away from her. Before I can get two feet, the back of her hand swats across my cheek. I feel it stinging as I'm sent tumbling onto the carpet. "Mom, I'm sorry-" I plead as tears well up in my eyes.

"No, you ain't sorry." Mom snarls. "You're mad."

Thanks to the six-inch platforms I have on, I stumble about in my attempt to scramble to my feet. The air is taken out of me when Mom charges at me and tackles me back down to the carpet. While she wrestles with me to get me on my back, I feel my T-shirt tearing off my body. As she straddles me I catch the crazed look in her eyes. "You're mad huh?" She yells smacking me upside the head. "Well, guess what? I'm mad too! And I'm sick of your shit!"

I'm hit with a series of slaps across the face that turns the living room into a blur. "Mad Matilda. Out here raving like a fool!" She rants beating me. I bust my ass to send you to school and here you out here shakin your little half black ass in the street!"

"I wasn't shaking anything Mom-"

"Yes, you were!" Mom says slapping me again. "Lookin like a gotdamn overgrown child with your hair in some nappy pigtails!"

"I'm not a child-" I whimper.

"No, you're mad." Mom says unbuckling the belt off her skirt. "Well girl, let me show you crazy."

I catch a glimpse of my mother's folded up belt in her hands. After she gets up off me, she yanks me up by the arm. I let out a gasp seeing her raise the belt up. I let out a scream as I feel it chopping against my back. "Mad Matilda, out here raving in a warehouse." She says beating me across the back and the side. "Go out here and get your little ass arrested. Then you bring your sorry half black ass back to me talking about you sorry. Well, I'ma give you something to be sorry for!"

I try to pull away from her before the belt comes down on me again, but the grip she has on my arm is like a vise. I let out wails feeling the stings of the belt chopping into my thighs, back, and stomach. I fall to my knees and she tears into me with the belt worse than the time when Dad beat me for using the word nigger when I was eight. As I ball up into a fetal position, my crazy mother lets me know how mad she is at twenty-one year-old me by beating me like I was seven.

After giving me one last chop to the back, I feel my mother letting go of my limp arm. As she stands over me seething in anger, I feel her eyes burning into my back. I'd love to say this is child abuse. But when a parent has to beat an adult child they've fucked up far beyond what the law allows.
CHAPTER 22

I look down at my balled up daughter whimpering on the carpet. Now that I done got in that ass, I bet she'll never go mad again.

I need to find out how long this raving mess has been going on. And if this girl is out here selling drugs to people. I'm not losing my house to her bullshit. "Girl, get yo ass up off that floor." I order.

On hearing my orders, Mattie scurries up off the carpet and trembles in my presence. Damn, this girl smells like sweat, shit, piss and pussy all rolled into one. "Sit yo ass down on that sofa." I say pointing to the chairs on the other side of the room.

Jason goes to open a window to vent the funk as I sit on the sofa next to her. The scared girl has an anxious look in her eyes as when they meet mine. "How long have you been doing this raving shit?" I order.

"Five years." Mattie whimpers.

That's almost as long as she's been a Goth. "So you've been doing this since you've been in St. Angela's?"

"I-I did one show when I was in senior year."

"And why did you keep doing it?"

"The kids wanted my help. So I helped them. And when I made two thousand dollars that night I decided to quit my job at KFC and start doing my own shows."

Two thousand dollars. Since I've seen her bank statements, I know that money ain't in the bank. "What did you do with all that money?"

"I spent some of it on clothes and stuff. But most of it is here."

Oh my God. "WHERE?"

"U-Under the bed."

I jump off the sofa and grab Matilda off the sofa and shove her towards the stairs. "SHOW ME!"
CHAPTER 23

I feel my mother breathing down my neck as we rush up the stairs to my bedroom. I thought my Mad Money would be safe here. But with everything going crazy in the last few hours, even all the money I saved for a rainy day been put in jeopardy.

My parents eyes burn into my back as I frantically race into the bedroom and scramble under the bed digging for the box containing my Mad Money. When I get the New Rock boot box out from under the bed, my mother snatches it away from me. On seeing all the rolls of dollar bills inside bundled with rubber bands their eyes grow wide. "Oh my God!" Dad gasps taking the box from Mom. "There must be fifteen thousand dollars in here!"

He's off by a lot. "It's twenty-five." I correct.

"Were you selling drugs to get that money?" Mom barks.

I'd never do that after what happened to Brody. "No!" I insist.

Mom doesn't believe me. She charges over to me and grabs me. "Do not lie to me Matilda." She orders shaking me. "Did you sell drugs to get that money?"

When I see her draw back a fist I meet my mother's angry eyes and tell her the truth. "NO!" I sob as tears well up in my eyes again.

"I'm not losing my house to your bullshit-"

"I'd never sell that shit!" I wail. "Not after what happened to Brody!"

"Dad takes my mother's hand. "She's telling the truth Muriel."

"How can we tell after all the lies she told?"

"She loves Brody too much to do wrong by him." Dad says.

Thank God somebody believes me. Mom lets go of me when she realizes that the feds aren't going to take her house. "Go wash that stank ass of yours." Mom orders. "Then you bring it back down in the kitchen to me in two hours."

After giving me my orders, Mom and Dad storm out of my bedroom into the hallway. "What are you gonna do with my money?"

"This is my money." Dad says tucking the boot box under his arm. "And I'll do whatever I want with it."
CHAPTER 24

I shake my head thinking about that shoebox filled with money on my kitchen table. I can't believe Mattie hid all that money from us. And I can't believe she's been living a double life for the last five years.

Well, Momma told me you gotta watch out for the quiet ones. They'll always surprise you. I don't know what I'm gonna do with that girl. But I know I got to get her right before I retire. "Jason, what are we gonna do with that girl?" I ask.

"Well, you know she's strange and unusual." Jason replies. "And from the look of things a very smart businesswoman."

Jason hands me the composition notebook Mattie turned into a ledger. From the looks of things it looks like she was telling the truth. Each series of pages details the costs and expenses related to her so-called events. "Too smart for her own damn good." I huff dropping the notebook on the table.

"Yeah, Mattie could be a CPA with this kind of accounting." Jason replies picking the notebook back up. "Each bundle of money corresponds with each event. And her cut of the money."

"Still doesn't make what she did right."

"No, it doesn't. But I'll deal with that when Mattie gets down here. Why don't you take a walk around the block until then."

I guess I'll go cool off. "Alright."
CHAPTER 25

They say what makes a Lady a Lady isn't how she falls, but how she gets back up. Okay Lady Matilda, get your ass up off this floor so you can get through being punished by your parents.

I almost retch inhaling my own stench as I manage to get to my feet. As I shuffle into the bathroom and look at my reflection in the mirror, I take a long hard look at the person responsible for putting me in this situation. Yeah, this is all my fault. I knew the rave business was illegal. Every weekend I went out there I knew there was a chance we could get busted. But because I felt safe, I stopped thinking about the risks I was taking when I jumped off that stage. And now that I've fallen to the concrete, I'm praying to God I can get a chance to get back on my feet again.
CHAPTER 26

While Jason goes through the money and the notebook in it detailing all the expenditures for Mad Matilda's raves, I take a deep breath and let it out as I rush out of the kitchen and through the living room. Maybe I'll feel a little better after I walk down the hill and back.

Just as I get down the stairs onto the sidewalk, I hear our neighbor Mrs. Purvis call out to me." Hey, Muriel!" She calls out over the sound of her vacuum cleaner.

I look up at the smile of the cocoa skinned middle-aged woman looking out the window of her brownstone and smile back at her. "Hey Lorraine," I greet. I thought you'd be at work."

"I decided to take a vacation day to clean up the house." Mrs. Purvis replies turning off her vacuum. "Why aren't you at work?"

"Something happened with Mattie last night."

"Is that why you brought her back home this morning?"

I guess she saw us when she was cleaning. "Yeah. Lord, that girl is making me crazy."

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you about it when I get upstairs."

Mrs. Purvis rushes over to open the door of her brownstone as I dart up the stairs. As she lets me into the foyer of her home a worried look falls on her face. "What happened to Mattie?" She asks.

"She got arrested."

"Oh my God!" Lorraine gasps. "What'd the cops get her for?"

"They caught her running a party at one of those abandoned warehouses on the west side."

"I wouldn't think Mattie would do anything like that." Lorraine says leading me over to her sofa. "She's a good girl-"

"I didn't either." I say taking a seat across from her. "But now I find out she's been doing this for years."

Lorraine shakes her head in resignation. "Well, you know what they say about still water. It always runs deep."

And I feel like I'm drowning in her craziness. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with that girl-"

"Maybe God wanted this to happen."

"I doubt God would want Mattie to get arrested Lori-"

"God works in mysterious ways Muriel. And maybe this is a way for you to get that girl right before she goes out to work at one of these jobs."

"That's if they don't put her in jail-"

"I doubt they're gonna put Mattie in jail for having a party Muriel. But I know it can get a lot crazier in these offices for a young girl like Mattie than at any of those parties she ran near the river."

I give her a look. "Lori, we have sexual harassment laws against that kind of stuff now-"

Lorraine rolls her eyes. "And they worked so well for Anita Hill a couple of years ago-"

"Okay they didn't work so well in that case. But I'd like to think they'd be able to protect Mattie on the job."

"You and I both know these White boys turn these Black girls out at these offices." Lorraine continues. "And these companies don't do shit to them."

I know what she's talking about. Because I've seen it happen a hundred times where I work at. These young Black girls come into the office ready to start their careers. And then they see these White boys on the job and lose their damn minds. Once they buy them lunch, these Black girls start dropping their panties in the copy room, the broom closet, and the office bathroom. Then they find out all he wanted was some Black pussy and then they come to me talking about sexual harassment. It always hurts my heart when I tell them I can't do anything for them and I see them wind up quitting a good paying job with benefits over some bullshit. "I don't think Mattie is gonna go out like that." I say shaking my head.

"Anybody can go out like that if they don't know the game at work." Lorraine says.

"But Mattie has a has a boyfriend-"

"So? Many of the girls we know at work had boyfriends. Some of them were even married with kids."

And they still dropped their panties when they saw those White boys paying them some attention. "I was planning on retiring when she graduated."

"I wouldn't go anywhere just yet Muriel. You can do a lot more for her on the job then you could off."

Just what I need, Mad Matilda at going crazy my office. "So you think I should help get Mattie a job down at Amalgamated Consolidated?"

"Be the best thing for her. At any of these other companies all these White boys are gonna see her as a fresh piece of hot mulatto ass. But at least at your company you can watch out for her and teach her how it really is regarding these White boys."

Knowing Little Miss Sneaky, I know she'd get caught up in some bullshit with one of them if she worked someplace. "You saw the way Mattie looks now. I don't think she's ready for work in an office-"

"You can get her ready."

"I don't even know if working in an office is what she'd even want to do-"

"She doesn't have to stay there Muriel, just have her there long enough to learn how to navigate the workplace."

She does need some help. And I guess it wouldn't hurt to have her on the job for a little while. Amalgamated Consolidated isn't the greatest company in the world, but it'd be a place for her to earn a paycheck and get herself established. "Looks like I'm gonna be staying on for another couple of years." I sigh.

"It'll all pay off in the long run." Lorraine comforts.

I can only hope. "Did it work for your girls when you brought them down to Presbyterian?" I ask.

"After I got through teaching them the game, they didn't look a White boy's way when they were working at the hospital with me."

Maybe it could work out with Mattie at the office. "I'll run it by her after graduation."
CHAPTER 27

The DJ on 98.7 Kiss FM says it's 10:12 as the last remnants of the suds from my bubble bath dissipate on the surface of the water. I think I've soaked enough of the stink from Central Booking's holding cell off me to sit down with my parents this morning.

While TLC's Waterfalls plays on my old boombox, I ease out of the footed white porcelain bathtub and grab a black bath sheet off the towel rack next to it. After I wrap it around me, I rush over to my vanity. I suck my teeth when I realize all my Goth make-up is in my dorm over in East Campus. Along with all my Goth clothes.

But maybe I shouldn't be Gothing myself up right about now. With the way Mom and Dad are mad at Mad Matilda, her making an appearance after my arrest would only make them even angrier with me. So I guess Matilda Kelley Crowley will have to show her face to the world for the first time in five years.

I fall into the seat in front of my vanity and take the shitty rat-tailed comb I left out of the drawer and do my best to style my damp hair into a wavy style that's somewhat presentable. Then I rush out of the bathroom into the bedroom and get the white cotton bra and panties Shelley bought me as a gag gift out of the lingerie drawer. After I put them on, I rush over to the closet. I look over the remnants of my old high school wardrobe and grab the old faded bleached blue jeans skirt and the floral print blouse I used to wear back in high school before I became a Goth. Once I get a look at myself in my old clothes, I'm jarred by the reflection of me in the mirror. I guess I've grown so comfortable with Mad Matilda's spooky appearance that seeing normal me freaks me out.

I catch the time reflected in the mirror and realize I've got only a minute left to get downstairs. With me in super mega deluxe trouble I need to be down there ASAP. I step into some old black suede flats, dart out of my bedroom, down the stairs and make a beeline into the kitchen. When I'm met with the serious expressions on my parents' faces I realize this meeting is gonna go one of two ways: Incredibly bad or incredibly horrible.

"Right on time." Dad says looking down at his watch.

"I didn't want to get into any more trouble." I mumble as my eyes fall into the tiles of the kitchen floor.

"And I don't want any more drama." Mom says. "Have a seat."

A tension builds as I ease into the seat across from them at the kitchen table. "Seems like you're quite the businesswoman." Dad says flipping through my ledger. "All your expenses are accounted for."

"I have to take care of business when I run a show." I reply.

"You do a good job of that." Dad compliments.

"Since you're such a good businesswoman, we're gonna help you out of this mess." Mom says. "But this will be the first and the last time."

There isn't gonna be a next time. "I understand."

"And you're gonna pay us back." Dad says. "Every last penny."

Whatever the cost is I'll pay it. "That's not a problem."

"You're gonna pay us for all the attorney fees and all the court costs." Dad says.

"Okay."

"Not to mention back rent, groceries, and utilities." Mom insists.

Whatever they want I'll do it. "Not a problem."

"And you're gonna pay me an extra special family fine for delaying my retirement."

My eyes grow wide on hearing my mother's announcement. "You were gonna retire?"

Mom winces thinking about the change in her plans. "Yeah, but now that's on hold. I want to see how things go with you."

I'm praying they go better in court than they have at home. "Okay."

Dad peels twenty dollars off one of the rolls in my New Rock box and hands it to me. "Now go on back to school. And until you graduate, you better not go to a single rave, club, or Goth whatever."

There goes my social life. But with all the trouble I'm in, I'll be staying in on the weekend until graduation. "I'll be too busy studying for finals to think about partying anyway."

"Just stay out of trouble." Dad insists.

"I definitely won't be getting into any more." I say rushing out of the kitchen.
CHAPTER 28

After Mattie hurries out of the kitchen, I wonder if I should have asked her about working at Amalgamated Consolidated. But I didn't want to put the cart before the horse. There's a lot Mattie has to work on before I can even think about putting her to work at my job. Because if she comes down to work with me, I'm not dealing with Mad Matilda or any of her crazy shit.
CHAPTER 29

I'm at my desk typing up the outline for the term paper for my Organizational Theory class when the phone rings. I'm hoping it's Mattie. While I was mad at Mad Matilda on Saturday night, I'm hoping she's okay. "What's up?" I say cocking the phone to my ear.

"Justin, have you heard from Mattie?" A frantic Olivia barks into the phone.

I thought she'd have gotten home already. "Nah, I haven't heard from her."

"Well, have you seen her?"

"You and Kev didn't meet her at Leona's?"

"She never showed up. And her parents aren't answering their phone-"

I'm thinking the cops got her. "She's probably at Rikers-"

"I don't want to think she's there-"

It looks like Mad Matilda's crazy life finally caught up with her. "If she didn't make it over the fence she's probably over there."

"I just want to think we missed her."

I'm thinking she's at Rikers. From the sound of things I did the right thing by getting the fuck out of there. "So you think she went back to campus without calling any of us?"

"I'm hoping that's what she did."

That doesn't sound like what Mattie would do. But if it makes her feel better I'll go along. "Alright. I'll head over to the dorms to see if she's there."
CHAPTER 30

I try to think warm thoughts when I step off the M4 bus at 110th Street and Broadway. With my coat and my purse still in the trunk of Lady Diabolique's car, there's no way for me to get back into school without going to her apartment. I just hope she's home right now.

I shiver rushing down Broadway with my old leather Black Widow jean jacket buttoned up to the top. I can hear my teeth chattering when I approach the entrance of Olivia's building. After I hit the button of apartment #3C I let out a sigh of relief when I'm greeted by Lady Diabolique's friendly voice. "Who is it?" She asks.

"It's Mattie." I reply.

When I hear the buzzer, I grab the handle and rush into the vestibule. After I take a ride on the elevator to the third floor, I smile when I see the barefoot chalk colored woman standing in the doorway of her apartment wearing a black Siouxsie and the Banshees T-shirt and leggings. "I've been trying to call you since Saturday night." She says. "What happened to you?"

I let her know the bad news. "I spent the night in jail."

Olivia's mouth falls agape. "Oh my God!" she gasps after she locks the door. "I thought you were right behind us."

After telling Olivia the bad news, I walk into the foyer to find her fiancée, Greg sitting in front of his laptop in a corner of the living room, while the OJ Simpson trial is playing on TV. "I was. But those damn boots kept me from climbing the fence."

"So why didn't Justin help you?" Greg asks as he turns away from his computer screen.

I'd love to get the answer to that question the next time I see him. "I don't know."

"If it was me, I wouldn't have left Olivia out there like that." Greg says.

I give the bald headed caramel colored man dressed in sweats a look. "So you'd have gotten arrested?"

"I'd have gotten us both over that fence somehow." Greg continues. "Ain't no man worth his salt gonna leave his woman out there like that if he cares about her."

I cock an eyebrow on the observation. "Justin cares about me-"

"I'm just sayin, your man might have a little bitch in him."

I'm hoping he's wrong. "You have my coat and purse Olivia?"

"Yeah, it's in my room."

I follow Lady Diabolique down the hall into the bedroom at the end of it. When we step into the master suite, I catch the concerned look on her face as she opens the door of her closet. "So I'm guessing you had to go home and get the norm clothes because you couldn't get in your dorm?" She asks.

"Not like I could ever wear any of those Goth clothes again after a night in Central Booking." I say. "That place is a sewer."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"In some ways I wish I went to Rikers. Mom beat the living shit out of me when we got home."

"So you're gonna have to go to court?"

"Yeah."

Lady Diabolique gives me a resigned look after hearing all my bad news. "This is why VampJam is gonna be my last show." She says coming out of the closet with my winter coat and backpack. "I've got too much to lose."

I can't blame her. "Yeah, you'd never get a teaching job anywhere with a record."

"Yeah the money's nice," Lady Diabolique says reaching into the bottom coat pocket taking out the dollar bills inside. "But there's more to life than money."

I become surprised when she hands me the two twenty dollar bills. "You telling me we actually made money?"

"Minus the cost of DJ Flash's deposit, the cut of the bar, and what it cost for Amy to get her DJ equipment out of impound." Lady Diabolique says. "But you really need to start thinking about your future. Is this what you really want to do after you finish school?"

Looking down at the forty dollars in my hand I wonder if I really want to deal with this kind of bullshit for rest of my life. I know when I get older Mom and Dad won't be there to bail me out. And neither will Lady Diabolique. So if I get in a jam like this again, I could be spending six months at Rikers. "I don't know."

"This was all fun when we were kids Mattie. But I'm getting real tired of it."

I'm getting tired of it myself. "With my parents on my ass I'm out of the rave business anyway." I say taking off my jacket.

"I just want you to know if you call Renaldo and Darius to do that show at The Hallows you're on your own."

I can't blame her. "So Sidious and Ebony are out too?"

"Yeah, Brenda says she doesn't want to deal with any more druggies like that kid she found and Kevin doesn't want to risk his job at Transit."

Sounds like VampJam 95 scared them shitless too. "I'm gonna be too busy with classes to think about shows anyway for the next couple of months."

"But if this is what you want to do-"

I'm still thinking about what I want to do. I stuff the money and my old jacket into my backpack and slip on my leather trench coat. "I still don't know what I want to do with my life after school."

Olivia takes my hand and gives me an earnest look. "You've got a lot to lose Mattie. Just don't risk it all on something that may not be worth it."

I give my best friend a hug after getting her advice. "I won't."
CHAPTER 31

I swipe my ID card through the reader at the entrance of Columbia's East Campus thinking about what Lady Diabolique told me. I guess I have been taking my life for granted the last couple of years. Not thinking about the risks. Or the consequences of taking them.

Not only was I putting my life at risk with my raves, but the lives of other people like Olivia, Kevin, Brenda, and Justin. And they could have lost everything they were working for thanks to Mad Matilda's addiction to getting attention from the crowd. I always felt a high when I'd jump off that stage. But crashing down to earth I'm starting to see I need to think about the safety of my people before I reap the rewards of their hard work.

I rush past the security desk get on the elevator and ride up to the 12th floor. When the doors open, I find my preppie boyfriend sitting on the sofa in the lounge wearing jeans and a rugby watching Ren & Stimpy reruns on TV. On seeing me, Justin jumps off the sofa and rushes over to me. "Mattie, what happened to you? I've been calling you since Sunday morning-"

Sunday morning? I'm wondering what happened to him on Saturday night. "I got arrested. No thanks to you." I snarl getting my keys out of my bag.

"Hey, I had to get out of there-"

"And you couldn't have helped me get over the fence? Dude-"

I open the door to my dorm room and Justin rushes in behind me with an apologetic look on his face. "Hey, I thought you were right behind me-"

Yeah right. "Is that why you pushed me out of the way?"

"Mattie, with the cops after us I had to do what I had to do-"

"My. Fucking. Hero." I say rolling my eyes.

Justin gives me a desperate look when he sees I'm still pissed at him. "Mattie, if I got arrested I could lose my job and my scholarship." Justin pleads. "So I had to get out of there-"

He's gonna lose his scholarship. Even though his last semester of college is already paid for. God, he is so full of shit. "Don't you want this relationship to work?"

"I want it to work. I just don't want to keep putting my life at risk just to be with you-"

Looks like he was spooked too. "Dude, I'm not that bad-"

"I'm just sayin, I don't know if I can handle all your craziness anymore-"

"Is that why you ran?"

A nervous look falls on Justin's face. "Look, I'm here for you now. So do the good Christian thing and forgive me."

I guess I can turn the other cheek. This time. "Okay." I concede.

Since we have a few hours before my next class, maybe we can finish what we started in the bathroom. "So...you want to pick up where we left off Saturday night?" I say as I gaze into his eyes and wrap my arms around his neck.

Justin gives me an uneasy look after he gives me a kiss on the lips. "Look, I gotta go." He says breaking the embrace. "I just came by to see if you were okay."

He gets a chance to spend time with me and now he wants to leave? Something is wrong here. "Dude, are you saying you don't want none of this?" I say posing for him.

Justin winces after looking me up and down. "I gotta study."

He's gonna turn down pussy to study? Maybe Greg is right about there being a little bitch in him. "Are we still gonna see The Crow at the dollar theater this Saturday?"

"I'm working on a term paper. But I'll see what I can do."

Justin gives me a once-over before he steals a final kiss from my lips. "Is this a new look for you?"

"I had to put on my old clothes because all my stuff is here."

"Man, I didn't know you even had clothes that weren't black-"

"I still wear colors on special occasions."

"I'd love to see a little more color on you. Maybe you could dress up for me like that?" Justin requests.

"Maybe I'll dress up for you when you graduate from NYU."
CHAPTER 32

I give Mattie a kiss and rush out of her dorm room. I'd love to pick up where we left off, but after hearing that she got arrested I'm starting to see that I did the right thing by putting some distance between us. It looks like Mad Matilda is headed on a downward spiral. And the last thing I want to do is get caught up in it when Mattie's life goes down the drain.

With me needing to study to finish my business degree, I'ma put some space between me and Mattie for the meantime. If things go all right after graduation I'll try to work things out with her. But if they get worse I'll be able to make a clean break away from her.
CHAPTER 33

For the last two months I've done everything I can to stay out of trouble. Most days I just go to class, get my meals, study, and sleep in. With criminal charges looming over me, the last thing I wanted to do is tempt fate by going anywhere remotely near a bar, a club, a party, or any social gathering.

Even though my social life has suffered, my grades haven't. Thankfully I managed to bounce back after missing classes on the day I came home from jail. With all the extra time I had to study, I got all A's on my midterms and it's looking like I'm gonna graduate with a 3.89 GPA after finals. That'd be impressive point to put on a resume. I'm hoping I'll get a chance to show it to an employer in a couple of months.

That's if I don't wind up going to trial. I've been a bundle of nerves sitting in the gallery of the courtroom A of Manhattan's Criminal Court for the last four hours. For my hearing I've erased all vestiges of Mad Matilda to make the best impression on the judge. I'm dressed in a black skirt suit, white shell blouse and black heels. The only jewelry I've got on are a pair of simple stud earrings and the black widow pendant Lady Diabolique got me years ago. Since I'm facing a slew of charges the last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself in a way that'll get me jammed up again.

I sit next to my parents watching the prosecutors and defense lawyers banter back and forth with the judge on other cases. To my surprise, not a lot of them are going to trial. From what Dad tells me Sal told him my case might get settled today. I'm praying we can work things out.

As we wait for our case to be called, a blonde middle-aged White woman dressed in a tailored French blue suit and heels files into the courtroom and approaches us after looking in her file. "Matilda?" She inquires.

"Y-Yes?" I say springing up out of my seat.

"I'm ADA Adrienne Lupino." She says extending her hand. "I want to talk to you about your case."

"Okay." I say shaking it. "This is Sal Rosenthal, my attorney."

Sal jumps out of his seat and shakes her hand. "What can we do for you prosecutor?"

"I'll let you know when we get outside."

We all follow Adrienne outside into the hall. After she gives me a once over she lets us know what she wants to do. "I don't even want to waste my time with this bullshit." Adrienne sighs as she looks over at me. "As I said to your attorney over the phone, this whole thing would be a waste of money to even take to a hearing."

"So why did they say had to put me through the system?" I ask.

"The cops at the precinct probably wanted to scare you." Adrienne replies. "But from the looks of you, you're probably so spooked you wouldn't want to wind up here again."

After my night in Central Booking I've been scared straight. " No Ma'am."

"Good." Adrienne says smiling at me. "You don't look like a kid who's gonna give me any trouble so I'm gonna get you out of here."

"What kind of deal are you offering to my client?" Sal asks.

"I just want to clear this." Adrienne replies. "So if your client pleads guilty to third degree trespass, does six months of community service, and pays a $1500 fine she can get on with her life."

"That's a pretty good deal." Dad says.

"It's a great deal." Sal says. "She could have gotten a year in jail on the criminal trespass alone."

"The whole thing will be expunged off Matilda's record by the end of the year if she stays out of trouble." Adrienne continues. "So your client won't have to worry about anything when she goes to apply for a job after she graduates."

If this'll help me move on I'll take the deal. "I'll plead to the charges."

"Great. We can see the judge, and you can get back to class."
CHAPTER 34

After I make my plea of guilty and Dad writes out the check to pay the clerk for my fine, The ADA shakes my hand to close the plea deal to keep me out of jail. "Good luck with your life Matilda." She tells me.

I'm gonna need it. "Thanks." I reply.

Even though court is over for now, I've still got a long way to go. Come July I've got six months of volunteer work at the women's shelter uptown to look forward to. Once I bring my paperwork back here in December to confirm the end of my community service, I'll be free to get on with the rest of my life.

I let out a sigh of relief as we all file out of the courtroom. Sal looks over at me and smiles. "You got lucky Mattie." Dad tells me.

I'd have to say God blessed me. "Yeah, I did."

"If I were you I'd be at that women's shelter every day on time, ready to do anything they tell you." Sal says. "The faster you get through that community service, the faster you can get back to your life."

"You don't have to worry about that Mr. Rosenthal, I'll do anything they tell me."

"Great. Then this should be over with by Christmas."

The best present God could ever give me is my freedom. "When can you send me a bill?" Dad asks.

"I'll be in touch." Sal says.

Sal heads down the hall with a smile on his face about winning the case. I look over at the relieved looks on my parents' faces now that this leg of my court journey is over. Thanks for everything." I tell them.

"Don't thank me." Dad says. "God got you out of this."

I'd have to say they helped too. "Well, I'm gonna get a job and pay you everything back-"

"Just as long as it ain't got nothing to do with raving, clubs, or any of that Goth shit." Mom insists.

My eyes grow wide on hearing the newest condition imposed on my punishment. "So I can't be a Goth anymore?"

"You can be you." Mom says. "You just can't be Mad Matilda. Because if Mad Matilda shows her half Black ass up at one of these raves again, your ass is going out on the street. Do you understand me?"

With me broke and jammed up, I guess I don't have a choice but to agree to their terms. "I understand."
CHAPTER 35

Mattie's eyes fall into the concrete as we head out of the entrance of Manhattan Criminal Court. I know how much being Goth means to her, but I have to get her focused on the future. Because things can get whole lot scarier for her if Mad Matilda remains a part of her life. Ain't no company gonna hire no grown ass woman who still wears her hair in pigtails. If I don't put a stop to Mad Matilda, my daughter will be stuck on my sofa for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER 36

I ponder what I just agreed to as I march up the stairs of the 110th Street train station. Am I trading one prison for another? Or is the sacrifice of my identity worth having my freedom?

Mom knows Mad Matilda and I are one and the same. If I'm not her, I'm not myself. If I strip away Mad Matilda's pigtails, her black clothes, and her dark makeup, I lose my personality, my heart, and my voice. And instead of me being a person, I start becoming a color to people again. The last thing I'd want to do is get out of jail and wind up back on the Tragic Mulatto's Yellow Brick Road to Hell. Because that'd kill me.

I do my best to keep the melancholy thoughts to myself as I approach the security door of Lady Diabolique's apartment building. After I press the buzzer of apartment #3C, I'm met with Olivia's friendly voice "Who is it?" She greets.

"It's Mattie."

After I hear the hum of the buzzer, I grab the door and rush through the vestibule and onto the elevator. When I get off the elevator on the third floor, I'm surprised when I see my best friend standing in the doorway with her hair styled in a conservative bun and wearing a tailored gray business suit. "So what happened in court?" She asks.

"I'm a free woman." I sigh stepping into the foyer of her apartment.

"You don't seem too happy about it." Lady Diabolique says closing the door behind her.

"Counts on how you define free." I sigh.

"What happened?"

"I pled guilty to trespassing, paid a fine, and now I have to do six months of community service. But Mom tells me that from here on in, I can't be Mad Matilda anymore." I say falling into the cushions of her leather sofa.

"She can't tell you that-"

"She can when she and Dad spent all the money to keep me out of jail."

"So you owe them?"

Everything. "If I want a place to stay after college, I'm gonna have to do things her way."

"You know you could stay with me and Greg-"

I light up on hearing the offer. "Dude, you'd do that for me?"

"My sofa is open to you."

"Awesome!"

Lady Diabolique gives me a wicked look before she falls into the cushions of the sofa across from me. "...But it'll cost you $300 a month plus another fifty for utilities, and another hundred and fifty for groceries."

I give Olivia a look after hearing the offer. "Et Tu, best friend?"

"You live with us, you're gonna pay your own way."

I don't mind paying my way. But I don't see much of a value for my money when everyone sits on my bed. "I guess a bedroom is better than a sofa." I concede.

"I'm glad you appreciate the amenities of the crypt in your parents' brownstone."

I guess I am blessed. "But Mom knows what this means to me. If I'm not Mad Matilda, I can't talk. I can't do stuff. I can't be me-"

"You can still be you-"

I'm scared of who I'd become. "I need to be Mad Matilda-"

"Mattie, Mad Matilda is just a name. It doesn't change who you are-"

"I just feel like I'm being forced to give up a part of myself-"

"I know how you feel. But there's a time where you have to put the things of a child away and put on the things of a woman."

I guess that's what she's doing. "Dude, I'm not childish-"

"I know you're not. But who can take Mad Matilda seriously with her hair in pigtails?"

"I just don't want to go back to being the Tragic Mulatto-"

"Hey, just because your life is going in a different direction doesn't mean you're going back on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell-"

"But I'm sure going down a scary one right now."

"Just because you're not Mad Matilda, doesn't mean you stop being a Goth."

"But what kind of Goth am I gonna be?"

"Mattie, who you are as a Goth changes." Lady Diabolique says. "It evolves. As you get older you become someone different."

It looks like she's moving past being Lady Diabolique. "So you're not gonna be Lady Diabolique anymore?"

"I may keep the name, and I may change it."

"Is that why you're dressed like you're ready to work on Wall Street?"

Lady Diabolique smiles at me. "I just came back from an interview with the head of the English department."

"And..."

"You're looking at their newest Adjunct."

I light up on hearing the good news. "So you're gonna teach?"

"Just one LitHum class this summer. But I'm finally gonna be able to do what I've always wanted."

I smile at her. "Dude, you know you're on the way to becoming a weekender-"

"But I'll be a paid weekender." Lady Diabolique jabs. "And I'll be able to buy all that cool designer Goth stuff I've always wanted."

"And I'll be able to borrow all your fabulous clothes."

Lady Diabolique smiles at me. "No, my Sista. You gone have to get your own."

"My own? Dude-"

"Mattie, I know you can get through this. You just have to decide what you want to do with your life."

That's easy. "I wanted to stay in the subculture as Mad Matilda-"

"Just be Matilda for a while. You might find out you like it."

Without Mad Matlida's pigtails I feel like I'm naked. "I guess I'll have to be."

"I like Matilda." Lady Diabolique says taking my hand. "And I think more people will like her if you give her a chance."

"You have more faith in me than I have in myself."

"Hey, I believe in you."
CHAPTER 37

She believes in me. But I don't know if I believe in myself.

As I head out of Lady Diabolique's apartment, I'm filled with more trepidation about my future than I did when I was pondering my fate in court. I have my freedom. But who am I free to be?

I'm being forced to take off the things of a child. But I don't know if I'm comfortable putting on adult clothes just yet. What would a grown up Matilda Kelley Crowley look like? Would she still be a Black Widow? Or would she be someone off the corporate assembly line just like my mother?

That's what got me scared. I saw a place for myself in the subculture. And I planned on staying there after I finished school. Mad Matilda was going to plan parties until she had the last one, her funeral. But maybe those were just the daydreams of a child. All my friends are going in different directions. And while they know where they're going outside of the subculture, they're leaving me to walk down a dark road without a light to guide me.

I don't know where I'm going. But I've got to keep going wherever this is until I see the light at the end of that tunnel.
CHAPTER 38

May 1995

As Columbia's commencement exercises come to an end, all us graduates toss our mortarboards in the air. After I catch mine, I rush through the crowd of graduates dispersing on Columbia's lawn searching for my family and Justin. Brody and Shelley flew all the way from California to see me graduate and I'm eager to spend time with them.

On seeing me in my cap and gown, my family greets me with proud smiles. "Congratulations Mattie." Dad says giving me a hug.

"Thanks Dad."

After we break the embrace, my brother Brody rushes over to me with his camcorder. "Matilda Crowley, you just graduated from Columbia University. What are you going to do next?"

"I'm going to community service." I jab smiling for the camera.

Brody laughs at the joke as Mom greets me with a smile. "Bet you're eager to celebrate at a party with your friends somewhere." Mom says.

With everyone here, I'm really eager to spend some time with my family. "I'm just gonna have a small intimate celebration at home."

"So you're not gonna go celebrate with Olivia and your friends after we get lunch at the restaurant?"

With her family coming here all the way from Oregon I know she wants to spend time with them. "She's having dinner with her family."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind having you join them."

"I'd rather just stay home."

A subdued look falls on my mother's face as Shelley greets me with a smile. "I bet you have on some crazy Goth outfit on under that robe." Shelley says.

I flash sister a playful smile back as I reach for the zipper of my robe. "You'd think that dear Shelley. But a lady always dresses for the occasion."

My family's eyes grow wide on seeing what I'm wearing. They all gasp when they see a tasteful gold necklace and powder blue sheath dress and that matches the colors of Columbia University. Since this is my family's day as well as mine, I thought The Black Widow should take a day off. Shelley's eyes grow wide on seeing my outfit. "You in a color that's not black?" I gotta get a picture of this!" Shelley says.

I hand my robe and mortarboard to my father and get into a pose for my sister. After the flashbulb explodes in my eyes I'm met with a concerned look from my mother. "Is this a new thing for you?"

I flash a smile at my mother as I explain my official policy regarding major family events. "Not really. I just wanted you to have some graduation photos you wouldn't be embarrassed to put in the family album."

"You know this is your day." Mom says. "You could still be you."

"Who I am may be changing."

With the commencement ceremonies over I'm hungry. "Let's go get my degree. Then we can get some lunch."
CHAPTER 39

As we head off Columbia's campus I get worried about Mattie. I have to wonder if I've beaten the Goth out of my daughter. Or if I've broken her spirit.

Since she's come back home from school, I've noticed that Mattie's become a lot more quiet and withdrawn lately. Staying in the house, not really going anywhere. I thought she was just trying to stay out of trouble until her court case was over. But now that she's passing on spending time with her friends on her day, it's clear to me that something has changed inside her. And I'm scared of who she's changing into.

When I made her stop being Mad Matilda, I thought I'd be getting her off a road that was going to destroy her. Now I'm hoping I haven't put my daughter back on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell.
CHAPTER 40

I smile at the hostess as we're escorted to the booth in the back of _Revenant_. I would have settled for burgers at Tom's Diner. But with this being my graduation, Dad insisted on taking us to a nice restaurant for lunch.

As the waitress approaches us with menus, Dad smiles proudly as he looks down at my Bachelor's degree in Economics sitting in the frame he just bought for it. "So how's it been going out in L.A. Brody?" Dad asks.

"Good, Dad." Brody answers. "Dashawn and I just closed the deal the location for the KFC out in South Central."

"You know you're selling our people junk food." Justin jabs.

Brody smiles back at Justin. "Better they spend money with me than with the Koreans down on Crenshaw."

"And how does you clogging their arteries help anything?"

"At least I'm gonna keep some of our money in the community." Brody says. "And I'm gonna put some of our people to work."

"Frying chicken?"

"Hey, don't knock it Justin. Frying chicken at KFC was how I got my start." I say.

"Well, I'm getting my start in medicine interning at L.A. County General this summer." Shelley replies.

"So you're getting on the fast track to your career in medicine?" Dad asks.

"The faster you learn how the hospital works, the easier it is when you start working there as a resident." Shelley replies.

"What are you gonna do now that you've finished school Mattie?" Brody asks.

The more they talk about their career plans the more I feel like I'm going nowhere. "Go do my community service." I sigh.

"Well, what about after that?" Mom asks.

"Get a job."

"With your skill at putting together stuff I think you could do more than just get a job." Dad says.

"Er...I owe you a bunch of money." I say.

"With the way you put together that ledger you could easily have a career as an accountant."

"I just want to get out of debt-"

"You shouldn't sell yourself short. Dad says. "With the skills you have you could set your own path wherever you want to go."

"Er...That's what I was trying to do-"

"Legally." Mon insists.

"Mom, I was making a name for myself in the subculture." I plead. "People in the scene knew who I was-"

"And they can know who you are outside of it." Dad says. "You just have to give yourself a chance."

That's what Lady Diabolique said. "I wanted to go back to the subculture when I finished school-"

"With a degree from Columbia?" Shelley asks. "Why?"

"Because I'm a person there, not a color."

"I'd like to think people would still see that same person wherever you go." Shelley continues. "You just have to show them who you are."

"All they're gonna see is a zebra-"

"Your professors didn't see that." Dad says.

"And neither did the people you did internships with." Mom replies.

"I'd like to think you could have success in the real world with the rest of us." Brody says. "But you've got to stop being so scared of becoming the Tragic Mulatto."

With me wandering in the dark I'm going I feel like I'm gonna wind up back on that Yellow Brick Road to Hell. "That's what I see mysef becoming if I started working with the norms-"

"I'm not a tragic Mulatto." Brody says. "And neither is Shel."

"I know you feel safe in the subculture, but I'd like to think you could break out of that little black box you want to put yourself in." Dad says.

"And what would I be in the world of Norms?"

"Whatever you want to be."
CHAPTER 41

I've been digesting what we talked about at Revenant. Could I have been limiting myself by wanting to stay in the subculture? Could I have been settling for less? Could I actually find a place for myself in the world of Norms?

I never thought I'd have a place in a corporate office with me coming from an alternative lifestyle. But even though I wore my dark makeup and black clothes, most of my bosses at my internships always saw the quality of my work. So maybe I should give myself a chance and see where I can go in Corporate America.

In spite of the heavy conversation, I'm feeling euphoric as we all march up the stairs of our brownstone. It felt great to spend time with Brody and Shelley again and get caught up on all the cool stuff they were doing out in California.

As we all file into the house, I get the mail out of the mail chute and flip through it. J. Crew catalog, Land's End catalog, New Essence Magazine-

My heart stops when I see a letter from the IRS addressed to me. Anxieties well up inside me as I rip the letter open. I'm about to panic when I read it.

Dad catches the look on my face "What's wrong Mattie?"

"I-I got a letter from the IRS." I gasp.

"Why would they send you a letter?" Dad asks.

"They say I owe them back taxes."
CHAPTER 42

As Mattie winces at the IRS letter in her hands, I start to realize there's no saving this relationship. In between the arrests and the tax troubles, this is way too much for me to handle. If I stay with her, she's gonna drag me down into the gutter.

I'd love to be there for her but I need to get out of here. "Mattie, I gotta go. You gonna be okay?" I ask.

"Yeah." Mattie mumbles.

"Leaving so soon?" Mattie's brother Brody asks.

"Yeah, I gotta go pick up my suit for my graduation from Brooks Brothers. It's coming up the day after tomorrow."

Brody gives me an uneasy look on seeing me cut out. "I guess your family is counting on you."

"Yeah, it's my day."

Before I head for the door Mattie peers up and looks over at me. "I'll see you then."

I head out the door and down the stairs of the Crowley brownstone thinking of a way to cut Mad Matilda loose. As much as I love Mattie, I can't deal with her crazy shit anymore.
CHAPTER 43

After Justin leaves, I fall into the cushions of the sofa thinking about the prospect of being in trouble with the IRS. Just when I start getting out of one hole, I fall into another.

Dad eases into the cushion next to me and puts his arm around me. "It'll work out Mattie." He comforts patting me on the back."

"And something else will come up. Dammit, I'm never gonna get out of the hole-"

"You'll get out." Mom comforts.

"When I'm 40."

"You might be able to get out before then."

I started out senior year debt free. But ever since I got arrested I've racked up almost as much debt as student loans. "When do you have to go down there?" Brody asks.

"June 14th" I sigh.

"Don't worry." Dad says. "We've got enough time to get ready."
CHAPTER 44

I wanted to ask Mattie if she wanted to work with me at Amalgamated Consolidated when we got home. The time seemed right with her getting encouraged by Brody, Shelley, and Jason at lunch. But before I could say anything she got that damn letter. Seems like that poor girl can't win for losing.

But I know God wouldn't be putting her through all this without a reason. There's got to be a light at the end of this tunnel. There's got to be.
CHAPTER 45

I grimace looking down at the tickets for my graduation on my desk next to the picture of me and Mattie together. A couple of months ago I was looking forward introducing her to Momma and the rest of the family at graduation. Back then I thought they'd just be a little shocked about the Goth thing. But there's no way I can bring her around my family with a jail record and tax trouble.

I take a deep breath before I pick up the phone and punch in Mattie's number. Three rings and the phone picks up. "Crowley residence." Mattie greets.

"Hey Mattie." Justin replies.

"Hey Boyfriend, what's up?"

I'll just give her the story I gave momma. "I got some bad news. I couldn't get you a ticket for my graduation."

Mattie gasps on hearing the bad news. "What happened?"

I won't give her the truth just yet; just tell her who's coming in her place. "The school only gave me four tickets. And Momma wants Aunt Loretta and my Cousin Ricky to come with her and Dad."

"Isn't it your day?"

"Yeah, but Aunt Loretta was a big help to me when I was growing up. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be able to finish school. And me and Ricky go way back-"

"I thought you wanted me to meet your family-"

"I did. But Momma's got other plans-"

"What about your plans?"

"I don't know. I just didn't want Momma to be upset. She wants tomorrow to be all about family-"

"Dude, I bought a new dress and shoes for tomorrow-"

Sounds like she was gonna go all out for me. "Maybe you can wear them another time-"

"Dude, I really was looking forward to meeting your family-"

"Maybe you'll get to meet them later on."

"Alright."

"I'll make this up to you Mattie. I promise."
CHAPTER 46

I hang up the phone wincing after hearing the bad news. I thought I'd be able to get a break from all my troubles by going to Justin's graduation. But it looks like his family has other plans. Other plans that don't include me.

Brody and Shelley gives me a quizzed looks as they turn away from the _Nightmare Before Christmas_ tape we were watching before he called. "Was that Justin?" Brody asks.

"Yeah." I sigh twirling my office chair back around to face the big screen TV on top of the dresser. "He says he couldn't get me a ticket for his graduation."

"I guess that gives you more time to brood and sulk." Shelley jabs.

"I'm not gonna be sulking much Shel." I retort. "Justin says he's gonna make it up to me-"

"I just hope he doesn't break up with you." Shelley says.

"Justin's not gonna break up with me-"

"That's what it looks like to me-"

She would know more about relationships than I would. "What would make you think Justin is gonna break up with me?"

"Justin seemed really distant at the graduation." Shelley continues. "That's not how a boyfriend acts when he's in love with you."

She has a point. Justin has been avoiding me as of late. And the way he bolted out the door when he came to the house reminded me of how all the visitors used to leave _1313 Mockingbird Lane_ on _The Munsters_. "We've been going through a rough patch." I say. "But we're working on things."

"How hard is he working on it?" Brody asks.

I can't really answer that question. "I don't know. With court and school I haven't had much time to think about my love life-"

"If Justin doesn't want you at his graduation then maybe he wants out of the relationship." Shelley says.

I'm hoping that's not the case. "I don't think things are that bad. He probably just couldn't get me a ticket-"

"You found one for him." Brody continues. "Why couldn't he find one for you?"

There's a good question. "He told me his mother wanted to make it a family day-"

"And he didn't invite you?" Shelley says. "Sounds like he doesn't want you to be a part of his family-"

We were talking marriage a few months ago. "He said he wanted me to meet his mom-"

"Something must have happened to change his mind."

I'm hoping he didn't get that spooked by my pigtailed alter ego. "I thought Justin was gonna be the one."

Brody gives me an earnest look as he meets my eyes. "Are you gonna be all right if he leaves you?"

I flash my big brother a smile. "What? You think I'm gonna go mad for real?"

"You are kind of behind the curve when it comes to relationships." Shelley says. "And with all the horror movies you've watched, you've got the inspiration to become a real life Mad Matilda."

Yeah, I did start really late in the dating game at eighteen. And Justin is my first real boyfriend. But I doubt I'm gonna go all psycho and start stalking him if things go sour between us. "After experiencing the horrors of our criminal justice system I'm definitely not trying to do anything to go back there."

"I'm just hoping you don't go all _Carrie_ on Justin if he dumps you."

Before I can answer Shelley's jab with a retort, I catch the proud smile on Dad's face as he steps into the doorway. "Now this is something I never thought I'd see."

"The family all together." I say.

"The family all together in the _Crypt De Crowley_."

My mausoleum is always open to family. "If you only had your camera-"

"I'd have a picture for the album. Telling them all your tales of woe?"

"Just the tragic tales of her love life." Shelley says. "Justin couldn't get Mattie a ticket for her graduation."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Nothing to mope about."

Brody looks over at the time on my VCR clock and gives Dad a curious look. "Are you coming home for lunch now?" Brody asks. "I didn't know you had it like that with tenure-"

"Nah, I just got through talking to the tax lawyer. He says he can fit us in his schedule if we get down there this afternoon." g

I ease out of my chair and head over to my closet. "Cool, let me get changed."

"You could just wear what you've got on." Dad says.

I was always taught to dress for the occasion. And while a black tank top, fishnet shirt, and cutoff shorts are appropriate for the house, they aren't what a lady wears when she's taking care of her business affairs. "I bought a new dress for Justin's graduation. And since I can't wear it there, I gotta wear it somewhere."
CHAPTER 47

I'm filled with anxiety sitting in the reception area of the IRS office next to Dad and Bobby Drake, the tax lawyer he hired. Bobby says that I don't have any thing to worry about, but it doesn't stop me from being anxious. I could owe the government money for the rest of my life.

A tall Black man in a single breasted navy blue suit rushes out to the waiting room and looks around for the next victim. "Matilda Crowley." He calls out in a West Indian accent.

We jump out of our seats after my name is called. "Yes?" I say.

"Ernest Williams." The man says shaking my hand. "If you'll follow me."

We follow Mr. Williams out of the reception area into the office. After he gestures for us to take seats in front of his desk a curious look falls on his face as he looks over my ebony colored summer ensemble. "Did someone pass in your family Miss Crowley?"

I'm mourning the passing a lot of dead presidents from my bank account. "No, this is just how I dress." I reply.

"Quite peculiar. How did you become quite the entrepreneur over the last four years?

Before I can tell him the story of Mad Matilda, Bobby telegraphs a look to me to stay silent. "How'd you find out about my client?" He asks.

"Her name came up in our system when she got charged with operating a business without a license."

"You can't prove that she made any profits-"

"Well, Mr. Drake, I'm not looking to turn this into an audit." Ernest says. "As I told you over the phone I'm looking to settle this case."

"What would you be looking to settle it for?" Dad asks.

"Based on Ms. Crowley's records, and the tax forms Mr. Drake has filed, it looks like she had quite a few deductions that were legitimate business expenses for last year and the three years prior. And based on the limited income she still has from those events, I'd be willing to settle the case for eight thousand dollars."

Eight thousand dollars. I don't even have that much money in the bank. "How about fifty-five hundred?" Bobby asks. "My client isn't going to be able to get that kind of cash together."

"I know she has limited assets fresh out of college. But maybe she could start paying installments."

"All the interest from installments would lead to her being back here again."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want this to drag on and be forced to do a writedown. All right, I can do fifty-five hundred." Ernest says. "But she still has penalties to pay, plus back FICA taxes."

Bobby looks over to me. "It's a pretty good deal Mattie. If you're lucky you'll be back on your feet in a year."

Not with all the money I owe Mom and Dad. "Maybe."

"Do you have a check for me Ms. Crowley?" Ernest asks.

"She has one." Dad says.

"Great. Let me get this paperwork together, and we can get you out of here today."
CHAPTER 48

There's a heaviness on my heart as I hand Ernest the check from my bank. There goes my life savings. But at least I'm not getting my bank account frozen or my future wages garnished. So far my freedom has cost me my Goth name and every dollar I've saved. I wonder what else will be taken from me in my quest to preserve it.

After shaking Ernest's hand we all head out of the office. Bobby smiles at us as he presses the button for the elevator. "You made a pretty good deal Mattie." He says.

"Cost me everything I had." I sigh getting on the elevator.

"It could be worse. You could wind up losing everything that you own." Dad says.

Guess I should appreciate the opportunity God blessed me with. "I'm still broke."

"You'll bounce back." Bobby says. "Maybe when you file your taxes next year you'll be getting a refund."

I wish. The elevator descends and we get off in the lobby. Bobby gives me another smile after we twirl through the doors. "Good luck Mattie. I hope you can get on with your life in a couple of months."

"I'll try to Mr. Drake."

"I'll be in touch Jason."

Bobby rushes down the block back to his office. Dad and I start walking towards the train station. Now that I've settled up with the courts and the tax man, I need to find out how much I owe Mom and Dad. "How much do I owe you for all this?" I ask.

"I guess you want to settle up with me and your mom now." Dad says.

"I just want to find out how many years I'll be doing indentured servitude at Crowley Manor before I pay you off."

Dad smiles at me. "Let me see, Sal's services cost ten thousand dollars. And Bobby's services are about four thousand dollars so far."

So I'm fourteen grand in the hole."

"Not to mention the fifteen hundred dollar fine you had to pay for trespassing and the court costs."

Seventeen grand. "Shit, I'm gonna be broke for the next ten years-"

Dad smiles at me. "Not really. You paid for all this."

"I don't have any money-"

"Yeah, I used my checks to pay for your lawyers. But I used the money that was in that boot box you had under your bed to cover em'."

I gasp on hearing where Dad got the money from to pay my bills. "Oh shit-"

"Oh shit, indeed." Dad laughs swatting me on the arm.

"You put me through all this and you didn't tell me!"

"You didn't think you put us through something?" Dad laughs. "Your mother almost lost her mind when she found out you were in jail."

Maybe that's why she went off on me when she got me home. "I don't know who's punishments are worse yours or Mom's-"

"Yeah, your mom got in that ass. But I got in your head."

And they both taught me a lesson I'll never forget. "You are so wrong-"

"And you weren't? After the way you behaved, I wanted to see you sweat."

"Sweat?"

"What if someone who attended one of your little raves had followed you home, broke in the house, and took all your Mad Money? You'd be in a worse jam than you were in right now."

He's got a point. I was so caught up in making money I couldn't see the risks I was taking. With raves being a cash only business with no records, anyone could just take my money and it'd be my word against theirs. And I couldn't say anything to the police without incriminating myself. "I just want you to know I really hate you right now."

"Yeah, but I bet you won't participate in any more illegal businesses." Dad jabs.

Not for the rest of my life. "But what about the rest of the Mad Money?"

"Oh, you're still paying me for rent and groceries." Dad says. And you're still paying that family fine for delaying your mother's retirement. Not to mention a father's fee for me taking these days off work and making all those phone calls during my office hours to deal with this mess."

I guess I'm getting off easy. "So I'm still broke?"

"I don't know," Dad says smiling at me. "You're gonna need money to go back and forth to the shelter." Dad replies. "And you're gonna need money to look for a job. "But I'm still gonna need someone to wash the dishes, vacuum the carpets, and keep the steps and the sidewalk clean while your mother and I go to work."

Shit, I can't believe I'm gonna have to earn back money I already worked for. "So I'm gonna be working for you?"

"You're not gonna be sitting around watching talk shows for the next six months."
CHAPTER 49

I'm trying to stomach The Oprah Winfrey Show while I wait for Jason and Mattie to come back from the IRS office. What a mess. A bunch of so-called single successful educated Black women spent almost a whole hour talking about how they didn't need a man to get their college degrees, their jobs, and their houses. Then they whined about how no "good" Black man wanted them. Well, if they took a minute to listen to themselves they'd see why they're still single.

I'm about to change the channel from this bullshit when I hear locks twisting and the door opens. I light up seeing Jason and Mattie step into the foyer. "How'd things go?" I ask jumping off the sofa.

"We settled the case." Jason says. "Cost Mattie everything in her bank account, but she no longer owes the IRS."

"And I'm now your humble indentured servant for the next seven years." Mattie grumbles.

"It's not gonna be that bad." Jason says.

I give my husband a curious look on hearing his plans. "You're putting Mattie to work?"

"The Lady has been demoted to Maid of the Manor until she gets a job."

Mattie gives her father a quizzed look on hearing her new title. "Maid of the Manor?"

"Grown folks who live in my house are gonna work."

That would make sense since the community service is part-time. And it'd keep her from lying around the house moping. "For the same room and board I got for free for the last twenty years." Mattie pouts.

"It's still a better deal than Olivia's sofa." Jason jabs. "You can get your title back when you get your first real paycheck."

Mattie gives her father a look. "And what tasks would you have me to do now Master Crowley?"

Before Jason can respond the doorbell rings. "Who is it?"

"It's Justin."

On hearing the voice of her boyfriend, Mattie rushes over to the door. When the black clad girl opens the door she greets the handsome young man dressed in a tailored charcoal gray business suit with a smile. "Hey Boyfriend, what brings you by?"

"I came by to see if you're available to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"I just got a job."
CHAPTER 50

Justin's good news takes me out of the sour mood I was in. I can't believe he's working so soon. He just graduated NYU a month ago. "That's great!" I gush giving him a hug.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be working at Goldman Sachs." Justin says breaking the embrace.

"Working at Goldman Sachs you're gonna be pulling down some serious bank." Dad says. "You're practically on your way to the big leagues."

"Halfway there Mr. Crowley." Justin replies. "My starting salary is sixty grand. That's why I want to take Mattie out for dinner tonight."

Before I go anywhere I need to see if it's okay with Master Crowley. "Is it okay for me to take my leave with my gentleman caller My Lord?" I ask imitating a British accent.

Dad smiles at me. "Go have a good time."

I better see if there's a curfew tied to my indentured servitude. "Depending on how our evening goes, I may not be home from my leave by until tomorrow afternoon."

"Just make sure that the carpets are clean and the stoop is swept by the time we get home tomorrow." Dad jabs back.

"I'll take care of it Lord Crowley."

As we rush down the stairs Justin gives me a quizzed look. "What was that all about?"

"I got a job too."
CHAPTER 51

After Mattie and Justin leave, I find out more about the indentured servitude Jason is imposing on my daughter. "So what's this job you're giving Mattie?"

"Just some basic housekeeping." Jason replies falling into the cushions of the sofa next to me.

"That's not really helping her get work experience-"

"She's gonna get that at the shelter. But I've got to build up her character before she goes to work."

"So there's a method to your madness."

"Mattie's always had a weaker resolve than Brody or Shelley." Jason continues "I want to help her toughen it up."

That's probably why she never went out of state to school. "I thought I broke her spirit when I beat her."

Jason smiles at me as he takes my hand. "You did what you had to in order to make our Little Lady into a woman."

I thought my tough love was too tough. "How? She's all withdrawn now-"

"Once you got in that ass, I could get in her head." Jason says. "Now she's thinking about how dangerous her behavior was to herself and others."

"Understanding that there's consequences to her actions."

"Making her carry her own weight around here is gonna make her understand that she's got to be responsible for herself when she gets out in that world."

"That's if we can ever get her out of this house."

"Muriel, what makes a lady respectable isn't how she falls, it's how she gets up."

"And Mattie's fallen hard."

"I want to make sure Mattie builds up the resolve to keep standing on her own two feet when she gets up this time. We're not gonna be with her when she gets older."

And if she's gonna stand up in that world she's gonna have to learn how to make a living. "I was gonna bring her on the job with me-"

"You can do that next year. But I want her for the next six months."

"Why?"

"Muriel, I see these kids fresh out of school working on campus. The first little thing that goes wrong on the job they're quitting."

"Yeah, I see a lot of that over at Amalgamated Consolidated."

"I don't want Mattie to wind up like that."

"Yeah, we have some real assholes over where I am. You have to have your head on straight to deal with them."

"When I'm through with her she'll get that job and keep it."
CHAPTER 52

There's a proud smile on Justin's face as the Maître D' leads us into the luxurious dining room of Savion Blanc. If I had known I was going to a restaurant this fancy I would have changed my clothes. I'm just hoping the wide-brimmed black straw hat, boxy black linen three quarter sleeved shirtdress, and black Italian leather thong sandals I'm wearing don't make me stand out too much.

After we take our seats, I take off my sunglasses and look around the room. As I take in the atmosphere of the Michelin star restaurant, I inhale all the wonderful scents of the gourmet food wafting in the air. I can't wait to see what's on the menu.

"Thanks for taking me out tonight." I tell Justin.

"I thought this would make up for you missing my graduation." Justin replies.

"I'd have to say I really appreciate this consolation prize."

"Yeah, now that I'm making the big dollars I can do everything in style."

The waiter rushes over and hands us menus and water. Before I look it over I learn more about Justin's new job. "So what are you gonna be doing at Goldman Sachs?"

"I'm gonna be a junior financial analyst." Justin says. "They say I'm gonna learn the ins and outs of trading and investing."

"So you're gonna get your Series 7?"

"They say they're gonna sponsor me for it. And I can use the tuition reimbursement program to get my MBA."

"Wow, they're really taking care of you."

Justin is about to say something when I feel eyes on us. When I turn around I'm met with the smiling blue eyes of the silver haired White woman sitting at the table across from us. "My, you're looking quite mysterious tonight." She says.

I smile at the compliment. "Why thank you." I reply.

"I knew they made black eye shadows." The woman continues. "But I had no idea that they made black lipstick too. And I never knew they made black nail polish."

Seems like she's curious about my strange and unusual appearance. While Justin buries his head into his menu, I put on my best smile and politely explain my style to her. "They've been making them for years ma'am."

"Aren't you hot in all that black?" Her daughter asks.

They must be from out of town. Most New Yorkers wear black all year. "No, not at all."

The old woman is about to ask something else when the children they're taking to dinner decide to let their grandmother know about their observations regarding me. "She looks like a vampire Grandma." The little girl sitting with them blurts.

"I think she's cool." The little boy says giving me a once over. "She kind of reminds me of Lydia from the Beetlejuice movie."

Gold star for him. He got what the inspiration for my look came from. "She's one of my heroes." I retort smiling back at the boy.

"I love that show!" The boy says.

It was one of my reasons for staying in on Saturday mornings in high school. "Guess you're gonna get your steak tartar." The middle-aged man sitting at the table next to us jabs as he leans over.

Justin's eyes fall into the Berber carpet as I flash him a smile. "Actually I prefer mine well done."
CHAPTER 53

I savor the last bites of my molten lava cake reminiscing about the wonderful three-course dinner we just had. Man, what a meal. If this is how it's gonna be with Justin from here on in, I'd be looking forward to becoming Mrs. Matilda Reynolds whenever he gets around to proposing to me.

While I'm on cloud nine, Justin hasn't had much to say since we sat down to dinner. I know he was a little embarrassed about all the attention I got from the other guests earlier tonight, but it could have been worse. I know from experience if you just aren't polite and just go with the flow, things would have escalated and we would have drawn so much attention to ourselves that we'd have been asked to leave.

With dessert over, the waiter approaches us with the check. After Justin opens it up, he takes out his credit card drops it inside, and hands it to him. I wonder what else he wants to do to celebrate his new job. "So you want to go get some ice cream at Haagen Dazs?" I ask.

Justin huffs a sigh before addressing me. "Let's just go home." Justin sighs as the waiter returns with his credit card.

When the waiter returns with our receipt, Justin stuffs his credit card in his coat pocket, gets up out of his seat, and storms out of the restaurant. I follow behind him feeling a tension building between us. I don't know what his problem is, but maybe he'll tell me when we get home.
CHAPTER 54

As we head out of Savion Blanc onto 12th Street, I suck my teeth thinking about the opportunity I missed to break up with Mattie. I wanted to let her down easy at the restaurant so I could end things in an amicable way. She'd get a nice meal and I'd be able to get on with my life.

Unfortunately, due to all the attention she was getting thanks to her strange and unusual appearance I had to keep my mouth shut. The last thing I wanted to do was cause another scene that could get us thrown out, or worse arrested for disturbing the peace. In these bougie White areas, these cops don't play when it comes to Black people.

Now I gotta take her back to the house. And I'm hoping Mad Matilda doesn't go crazy when I tell her it's over between us.
CHAPTER 55

I ride the elevator up to Justin's apartment feeling the tension between us escalating. Maybe I can get him to talk about what's bothering him during some pillow talk.

After letting us in, I meet Justin's uneasy eyes with a smile in the foyer. "Want me to stay over?" I ask stealing a kiss from his lips.

"If you want to." He sighs.

Justin makes a beeline for the bedroom and I follow right behind him. While I have a seat on the foot of his bed and take off my sandals, Justin rushes over to the night table to empty his pockets. While I undress, I steal glances at my boyfriend's sexy body as he peels out of his new Brooks Brothers suit. By the time he falls into the center of the bed in his boxer briefs I'm only wearing my wide-brimmed straw hat and a smile. I slink across the bed and playfully tug at his underwear. After his cock falls out, I wrap my lips around the head of his member and start sucking him off. A minute into the blowjob I'm doing my best to get him hard. But when I see his indifferent eyes peering down at me I feel miles of distance growing between us. "Dude, am I not sucking your dick right? I ask taking his dick out of my mouth.

"Yeah, you're doing something." Justin replies.

"It just doesn't seem like you're into it."

"I'm just thinking about earlier tonight."

"What's to think about? They just never saw a Goth before-"

"I'm just wondering if that's how it's always going to be when we go out."

I always thought it was a good thing for people to pay attention to a lady's appearance. "Don't worry about the people in the restaurant." I say creeping on top of him. Let Miss Mattie take all your worries away-"

As I lean in for a kiss I catch the cold look in his eyes. "I'm just not feeling you tonight Mattie."

"Dude, I'm trying to give you some pussy-"

"Do you always have to be this?" Justin says easing me off him.

"Be what?" I say sitting up in bed.

"Dressed up in black all the time." Justin spits. "Looking like a corpse-"

"Dude, this is who I am-"

"You weren't this way when you got out of jail. And you weren't this way at graduation-"

"Those were special occasions-"

"If I was special to you I'd like to think you could be that way for me tonight."

I could have if he gave me time. "Dude, you just showed up on my doorstep-"

"I don't know if you're gonna fit into my life anymore."

"Fit into your life? What are you talking about?"

Justin sits up in bed and meets my eyes. "Mattie, a woman is supposed to be a reflection of her man. And I don't see you reflecting in me anymore."

My eyes fall into the mattress as the words stab me directly in the heart. "What's wrong with me?"

"Look, I'm gonna be working for Goldman Sachs. What's it gonna look like me bringing a woman who looks like she's going to a funeral to a Christmas party or a company function?"

"Are you embarrassed by me?"

Justin gives me an apologetic look before he speaks. "Mattie, I got to keep it professional now that I'm working. And I need the right woman at my side if I hope to make an impression on the executives at the company."

If he only knew I was the total package. "Dude, I'm a Lady-"

"A lady with a jail record-"

My hands clench into a fists on the dig. "That's gonna get expunged."

"You suck dick and watch porn-"

Oh, now he's gonna get all moral on me. "Every girl does that-"

"Not the ones who want to be married."

God, I had no idea his views of women were so warped. "I also masturbate. Does that make me a slut too?"

"I'm just sayin, you're too freaky for me."

He is so full of shit. "You were down with the so-called freak for three years-"

"Look, this is my big break Mattie. And I don't want to lose everything because Mad Matilda winds up getting involved in some crazy shit."

How is me being me gonna cost him his job? "Look, I'm not doing raves anymore-"

"After that tax mess I'm just looking at where you're going. And I don't want to be there anymore."

Now I'm finally starting to understand why he took me the Michelin star restaurant tonight. He planned for it to be our last supper together before he crucified me. "Oh my God, I don't believe this shit. Are you dumping me?"

Justin shakes his head. "I just can't have someone like you in my life anymore."

I choke back tears feeling him twist the knife in my heart. "I guess you don't see my light reflected in your darkness."

"I saw who you really were at VampJam. And I really don't want that person around me."

I suck his dick once and now I'm a whore in his eyes. I need to get out of here before I do something I regret. I slide out of bed and start putting my clothes back on. "Since you don't want someone like me in your life I'll just go." I say putting my panties back on.

"Alright."

While I finished getting dressed, Justin sits on the side of the bed and grabs his wallet off the night table. After he takes some money out he nervously looks over at me. "Look, this'll get you home." He says waving two dollars at me.

I look over at the two dollars in his hand and suck my teeth. "I'll find my own way back."
CHAPTER 56

I let out a sigh of relief when Mattie saunters out of the apartment with her head held high. For a minute there I thought she was gonna jump on the bed and go crazy on me. But with the dignified way she walked out of here I have to wonder if I missed my chance to be with a lady.
CHAPTER 57

I stare at my reflection in the scratched plastic window of the A train as it bolts into the 145th Street Station. The ride on the train cost me a dollar and a half of the last three dollars I had in my pocket. But I'd rather have my dignity than take a ride home on Justin's two dollars.

I'd love to be a sad sulky mess about being dumped. But I'm just too mad to be somber about the end of my relationship with Justin. I thought the elitists in the subculture were assholes. But Justin showed me that preppie Black guys are even bigger ones when it's time for them to climb the White social ladder. He didn't have a problem with me being Goth when he met me. He didn't have a problem with me being Goth when we were dating. And he definitely didn't have a problem with me being Goth when he was fucking me for three years. But now that he's got a big time job in Corporate America around White people I'm not good enough for him. Fuck him.

After the doors open, I hurry off the train, through the turnstile, and up the stairs. As I step onto the moonlit sidewalk of St. Nicholas Avenue, my hands clench into fists thinking about the cruel things Justin said to me back at his place. Talking about how I'm too freaky for him. That's why this strange and unusual lady walked out of his apartment with my head held high. He's not worthy of my weirdness.

After I walk down the hill, turn the corner of Edgecombe Avenue and march up the stairs of our brownstone, I get my keys out of my purse and twist the locks on the door. When I step into the foyer, I'm met with the surprised looks of my parents. "Wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow afternoon." Dad says.

"Well, you're gonna be seeing a lot more of me." I sigh shuffling into the living room. "Justin dumped me."

"Oh my God-" Mom gasps. "What happened?"

"We were in the restaurant and some people noticed me. And Justin got all embarrassed. Now he's talking about how I'm not fitting into his world."

"Well, I doubt a strange and unusual girl would fit into his buttoned up corporate life." Dad says.

Yeah, me and my pigtailed former alter ego fucked things up with Justin. He just got tired of both of us and our crazy shit. "He was fine with me for three years." I huff. "But now that he gets a big time corporate job I'm too freaky for him."

"Sounds like you're dodging a bullet." Dad says.

Maybe I am. If I had to be married to an uppity asshole like Justin I'd be miserable for the rest of my life. "You should have seen the way he looked at me when we got to his house." I rant. "He acted like he was ashamed of me. Like I wasn't good enough for him. When I went to kiss him, he pushed me off him like I was diseased."

"Maybe you just need to move on." Mom says.

Maybe I should. It's not like Justin and I were close anymore. "Move on to what? Being a spinster? It's not like I get that many chances with guys-"

Sometimes you have to let go of things in order to get what God has for you." Dad says.

With all that I've lost, I wonder what else is God gonna take from me? "But I loved Justin-"

"If you let him go, there might be someone better around the corner."

Or there just might be another asshole looking to call me a slut after he finds out what Goth pussy is like. "This is why I wanted to stay in the subculture-"

"Well, now you're out in the world." Dad says. "And if you're gonna get what God has for you you've gotta stay on this road."

The more I stay on it I feel like I'm getting more and more lost. "I guess that's the only way I can go."

"Are sure you're gonna be able to work tomorrow morning? Dad asks.

Thanks for the kick in the ass Dad. No matter what happens with Justin I still have bills I have to pay. "I'll be ready to do whatever you need around here."

"The list is on the table."

I grab the notepad off the coffee table and look it over. Before I head upstairs I look my parents in the eye and make them a promise I intend to keep. "You're gonna have the cleanest brownstone in Sugar Hill."
CHAPTER 58

After Mattie rushes up the stairs to her bedroom, I shake my head thinking about the way Justin treated her. I always thought he was a nice young man. Funny how people show you their true colors when they're about to get a little money.

As we lock up the house for the night, I wonder how much worse can it get for Mattie. First jail, then taxes, now her man. When is she ever gonna get a break? "Lord, that poor girl can't win for losing." I say turning off the TV. "If it ain't one thing it's another."

"I don't know." Jason says locking the door. "I think Mattie's winning."

"How? She just broke up with Justin-"

"But Mattie didn't break. Looks like she's toughening up."

Yeah, usually when things go bad she turns into a sullen silent brooding mess. This time she talked to us about it. "Only you could find the positives about your daughter getting dumped."

"Mattie can do better than Justin." Jason says. "That boy always had a little bitch in him."

"Jason-"

"It's the truth Muriel. He always beat around the bush instead of coming out and saying what he wanted to say."

"So you think he finally found the courage to break up with her?"

"He found his balls when he got his money."

If that's the case I wouldn't say he had a little bitch in him, but whole lot of bitch in him. "And now that he's got his, he's probably gonna go get himself a White girl."

"He probably thinks why should he have an imitation when he can afford to have the real McCoy?"

"That's a horrible way to think."

"Sadly, that's just how deep the self-hatred goes in some Black men."

"Do you think we should tell Mattie what's going on?

"Nah, it'd only upset her."

It'd probably give her more of a complex about being mixed than she already has right now. "It's a shame, Justin seemed like he was such a nice boy."

Jason smiles at me. "That's why nice guys finish last."

Because they aren't nice at all. "That's what makes me appreciate you." I say taking his hand. "You're kind enough to do what's right. Do you think it's right to put Mattie to work so soon?"

Jason gives me an earnest look. "If she has something to work towards she won't have time to think about Justin."
CHAPTER 59

With Justin out of my life, I've been throwing myself into my work to forget about him. The way I see it if I can't be good enough for him, I'll be great for myself.

Over the last six months I've been dividing my time between the Women's Shelter on 110th Street, taking care of Crowley Manor, and my job search. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings I'm working at the shelter. And Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I'm the Maid of Crowley Manor. Even though Dad has been ribbing me about my demotion and riding my ass about the quality of my housework, I've actually found a groove in my indentured servitude. With me mastering vacuuming carpets, and stoop sweeping in two weeks, I've been promoted to bathroom cleaner, grocery shopper, and dinner chef. With all the skills I've learned about homemaking from mom on the weekends, I think I'd be a kickass housewife to some lucky guy out there.

With my volunteer work done for the day at the shelter, I'm hard at work getting groceries for tonight's dinner. Since we're having Mom's world famous pasta, I'm perusing the shelves of St. Nicholas Avenue's Foodtown looking for Cento's tomato puree. Just as I spot them on the bottom shelf, Mrs. Purvis turns into the aisle with her cart. I greet the cocoa skinned woman dressed in a sophisticated red Church hat and black topcoat with a smile as she approaches me. "Hey Mattie, how you doing?" She asks.

"I'm great Mrs. Purvis." I say putting two cans of tomato puree in my cart.

"Good to hear that. I heard you were going through some hard times."

She's being tactful about my recent struggles. "Yeah, I had some troubles. But I'm working through them."

"I'm happy to hear that. How's the job search going?"

"Until I can find work I'm the maid of the manor."

"I thought you were the lady of the house."

"Thanks to the recent troubles I've had Dad demoted me." I sigh grabbing a box of spaghetti off the shelf. "And until I can collect my first paycheck at a real job, part of my job at home is to shop for groceries."

Mrs. Purvis gives me an earnest smile. "Don't worry. You'll find a job."

I don't know, I haven't found anything in the six months since I graduated. And all the managers that praised me at those corporate internships told me they didn't have anything when I went to ask about working there. "I've been sending out resumes all over the place. But no one calls back."

"Keep trying. Someone will hire you."

In spite of all my troubles I'm gonna keep persevering. "I don't know, I feel like I screwed things up when I got arrested-"

"Maybe God is getting things right."

"God? I put myself into this mess-"

"You might have done some things. But God is doing some things too."

After Mrs. Purvis gets some peeled tomatoes off the shelf she starts heading down the aisle. I follow behind her curious to what she thinks God did. "What makes you think God is responsible for me getting arrested?" I ask as we turn the corner and start heading into the cereal aisle.

"Sometimes God wants to get our attention. He wants to get us focused on doing His work, not ours."

With all the fornicating I've been participating in the last few years I wouldn't think He'd see me as qualified to do His work. "What use would He have for a weirdo like me?"

"Maybe He sees something greater for you to do."

That could be true. Everyone has been telling me that there's a place for me outside of the subculture. "I don't know what that would be-"

"God never does anything without a reason Mattie. If He's gonna take you out of those parties you liked doing He's gonna put you in a place where He wants you to be."

"Well, until He figures out what to do with me, I'm learning how to make my mom's world famous pasta."

Mrs. Purvis smiles at me before she takes a box of Corn Flakes off the shelf. "Don't discount being a homemaker Mattie." Mrs. Purvis says. "Those are the kinds of skills that'll help you keep a man."

"Justin dumped me."

Mrs. Purvis gives me an earnest look and pats me on the back after hearing the bad news. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"He said I wasn't good enough for him."

"Maybe the next man will appreciate what you bring to the table."

"I thought I was gonna marry him-"

"How long have you been with him?"

"Three years."

"If he didn't give you that ring in a year, he never was gonna give it to you."

That's what hurts the most. Knowing all I was to him was just a fuck toy to him. "Since we broke up I've been staying to myself these days."

"Don't stay too long. Life is to short to waste it."

Yeah, it is. But I don't know if I want to go back out there just yet. "I'm finding things to do in the meantime." I say. "Like getting better at making Mom's recipes."

"Sounds like you're getting some skills the kitchen-"

I didn't do much cooking at the dorms over the last four years, but lately I've been making meals that are close to Mom's level of culinary expertise. "I'm starting to be able to do a little sumpin sumpin."

"Looks like you're on your way to getting back up."

"I want my title back."

Mrs. Purvis smiles at me. "I know Lady Matilda will return to Crowley Manor again. And when she does, she'll be a woman with her house in order."
CHAPTER 60

I'm looking over the job descriptions in our new openings for something that would be a good fit for Mattie's skills. The problem is that there are so many positions at Amalgamated Consolidated that she'd be great in I'm having a hard time figuring out which one to suggest to her.

I'm imagining what Mattie would be like as an Operations assistant when Jerry, our Chief Operating Officer strolls into my office. The thin blonde middle-aged white man dressed in a tailored olive suit smiles at me as he approaches my desk. "Hey Muriel, I hear you're staying on after New Year's." He says.

"Yeah, stuff happened at home." I say. So I'm gonna stick around for a little longer."

Jerry smiles at me as he falls into one of the leather chairs in front of it. "I thought you wanted to kiss this shithole goodbye."

"Well, I'm gonna have to put my lipstick away for a while."

"What happened?"

"After everything that happened with Mattie I gotta see where things go with her."

"So all that stuff with court is over?"

"It'll be over this afternoon." I say. "Now I'm trying to find something that'd be a good fit for her here."

On hearing my plans Jerry gives me a curious look. "What kind of degree does she have?"

"A Bachelor's in Economics." I say. "I was thinking she could do some admin work for one of the bosses here for a while."

Jerry shakes his head no after I make the suggestion. "You don't want her being an admin Muriel."

"Why? She'd be learning business from the pros here-"

"Muriel, you know how it goes with admins around here. These girls don't last a hot minute on the job."

He's got a point. Most of the cases of sexual harassment cases I get come from assistants having affairs with the married bosses around here. "Yeah, it's so bad around here I don't even go to the bathroom after lunch."

Jerry shakes his head. "If I were running things most of that shit wouldn't be going on here."

I know it wouldn't. Ever since he got promoted to Chief Operating Officer last year, I'm starting to get more support from top management to start checking the horndogs around here. "It'd probably be a different place if you were the boss of bosses around here."

"I don't want to see Mattie getting turned into a side piece. She's a good kid."

I give him a look. "You do know what my daughter looks like-"

"Yeah, I used to see her around when you'd bring her to the office." Jerry says taking the picture of Gothed up seventeen-year-old Mattie off my desk. "And she's a good kid. I wouldn't want her getting into the admin pool and dealing with all the bullshit from the douchebags in there."

"Where would you put her then?"

"The Pit is a good place for her."

He's got to be kidding. "Around George? Hell no-"

"Yeah, I know George is a retard, but at least he doesn't try anything with any of the girls down there."

Because he's dumb as a box of rocks. "But Jerry, people go to The Pit just to collect a check-"

"And Mattie could put a few dollars away while she figured out what she wanted to do with her life."

That does sound more like what I was looking for her. And with there being no real dress code down there she could wear all that Goth stuff down there without getting fired. "I'll talk to her about it tonight."
CHAPTER 61

I rush into Courtroom A of Manhattan Criminal Court with my stomach filled with butterflies. Once I give this letter to the ADA detailing all the hours of community service I've done, I'll finally be free to start the rest of my life. I don't know what that'll be, but at least I won't have this hanging over my head.

I'm about to head over to the Clerk's desk to let them know I'm here when Adrienne sees me. I rush over to the prosecutor's desk when she gestures to me. "Hey Matilda, you have your letter from the shelter?" She asks.

I reach into my portfolio and hand it to her. After reading it over the ADA smiles. "Wow, this is glowing letter. You must have left some impression on the shelter staff."

I was doing such a good job there they didn't want me to leave. "I didn't want to come back here."

"I'm happy to hear that." Adrienne replies. "You sign this and hand it to the clerk and you can get on with your life."

Adrienne opens up a folder and shows me a form that says I have completed the terms of my community service. She signs it, and then I sign it and head over to the line for the clerk. After he stamps it and gives me the yellow copy, I smile. I'm finally free!

Before I leave the courtroom, Adrienne gestures to me. I rush over to find out what she needs. "Before you go Matilda, I want to give you a present."

Adrienne reaches into her briefcase and hands me a picture. When I look at the blown up photo of my mugshot I frown. "Merry Christmas." She says smiling at me.

If there's anything that'll always remind me to think twice before I do something stupid it'll be this picture. "Merry Christmas."
CHAPTER 62

I hurry up the stairs of the brownstone with a smile on my face. I'd love to celebrate my freedom in style over at Lady Diabolique's. But with her at work and me being broke, the Maid of the Manor will just have to settle for a quiet afternoon at home preparing Mom's World Famous Pasta.

After I hang up my coat and hat, I rush through the living room into the kitchen pondering how I want to prepare tonight's dinner. Since Mom won't be home until six, I'll think I can kill an hour in front of some talk shows while I wait for the water to boil.

I drop my portfolio on the kitchen counter and grab the remote out of one of the counter drawers and point it at the 13-inch TV sitting across from the microwave. As a promo for Jenny Jones starts broadcasting on the tiny tube, I take another look at the mugshot of Mad Matilda I got from the ADA. I was never so scared in my life. If there's anything to ever remind me of how good I have it, it's this photo. I think I'll have it framed.

Once I get a pot out of the bottom cabinet and put it on the stove, I look over at Jenny Jones and become excited when I see a group of Goths marching across the stage. I wonder what Detective Rojas saw when she watched the show. While I wait for my water to boil, I'm horrified at the mistreatment of the spooky kids onscreen. They're mocked and ridiculed by their friends, family, and the audience for just being themselves. The whole tone of the show doesn't present anything positive about the subculture, it just makes us out to be a joke.

When Jenny offers to give the kids a makeover in the second half of the show, I suck my teeth and change the channel. What the fuck is this shit? First they make fun of us, then they make everyone change themselves to fit in with the Norms? If they did that shit based on race, people across the country would be out ready to protest. But because they don't see Goths as people, they think they can get away with broadcasting that bullshit on the air.

I'm really disgusted. That whole show presented us as a bunch of freaks and promoted a bunch of stereotypes about Goths to the world. No wonder people like Detective Rojas think we're deviants and criminals.

After watching that show I look over at the mugshot the ADA gave me as a gag gift again. Looking at it now, I'm starting to realize staying in the subculture would have been the biggest mistake of my life. If I kept running raves, all I'd do was prove all the stereotypes about Goths perpetuated by bullshit artists like Jenny Jones to be true. I need to be out in the world representing what the people of the subculture really are about. If any of the people who watched Jenny Jones saw the way I worked at those internships, they'd see why Goths need to be taken seriously.

I finally see a place for myself in the Norm world. Now I just need someone to give me a chance to show them what I can do.
CHAPTER 63

I smell the scent of my world famous pasta wafting in the air when I step into the foyer. Looks like Mattie's home. And from the smell of things she's looking to celebrate her freedom with a special dinner.

With her finally out of trouble, I'm looking forward to finally sharing my plans with her. Over the last couple of months she's been working hard to get herself out of the hole she got herself into and getting herself together. So I think she's ready to work at Amalgamated Consolidated. I just have to see if she'd be interested in taking a job there.

I hang up my coat and put my bag in the hall closet. Then I dart through the living room into the kitchen. When I push past the swinging door and see Mattie chatting with her father I smile. That's the first time I've actually seen her happy in months. "M-M-mmmph! Something smells good in here." I say.

"The Maid of the Manor is making your world's famous pasta." Jason says.

"Sure smells like it." I say. "Looks like you ain't lost a step in the kitchen Mattie."

"Nope." Mattie says pouring her pasta from the pot into a serving bowl. "I'd have to say I picked up a few skills over the last few months."

"Did you take care of things with the court?"

The smile on Mattie's face tells me she's happy about having her freedom again. "Yeah, they gave me a souvenir."

Mattie turns away from the stove to hand me a picture on the table. When I look at the mugshot of my daughter I frown. "It's not exactly a flattering photo." I say.

"But it tells the truth about me." Mattie says.

"Only a strange and unusual girl would find the beauty in a mugshot." Dad says.

"I'd like to think it tells a story in humility." Mattie replies.

"I guess you're ready to celebrate your freedom tonight?"

That's why we're having the feast to end all feasts."

I take a seat at the table as Mattie gets the garlic bread out of the oven. After she puts the bread on a platter and puts it on the table, she then places a bowl of pasta that is equal to my own next to it. "Dinner is served my lord." Mattie says imitating a British accent.

"Thank you Maid Matilda." Jason retorts in an imitation British accent back. "You may join us for supper."

On being given permission to sit with us, the barefoot girl takes off her apron to reveal a black band T-shirt and a black tartan miniskirt. As she takes a seat at the table we start serving ourselves. "Since you got your freedom I thought you'd be out and about with Olivia right about now." I say.

"Olivia's busy with grading papers." Mattie says taking a piece of garlic bread off the platter. "And I'm broke. So I just decided to stay in."

"Well, I might be able to help you get some money in your pocket." I say passing the pasta bowl to Mattie. "How would you feel about working at my job?"

Mattie's face changes into a wince after hearing my proposal. This may be a tougher sell than I expected.
CHAPTER 64

After hearing Mom's proposal to work at Amalgamated Consolidated I frown. Yeah, I need a job. But after hearing her horror stories for most of my life and actually seeing some of the bullshit that went on there as a kid, I don't know if that's the place I want to start my career at.

"I don't think I'd want to work at that hellhole." I say.

On catching the uneasy look on my face, Mom gives me an earnest look across the table. "Yeah, I know it's not the greatest place to work," Mom concedes. "but as the VP of HR I can talk to people in personnel about bringing you on."

As the head of human resources she could just hire me outright. "So you're gonna get me a job?"

"I'll get you an interview. Whether you get the job will to be up to you."

Sounds like she's gonna make me pull my own weight like Dad does. And she's gonna give me my own space. Maybe I should listen to what she has to say. "What kind of job were you considering me for?"

"I was thinking you could work in the Claims Department for a while."

On hearing where she wants me to work my eyes grow wide. "The Pit? Fuck no-"

"Dad cuts a look at me. "What did I tell you about swearing at the table?"

If he only knew how bad it was down there. "But Dad, The Pit is a like a dead zone filled with zombies-"

"Sounds like the perfect place for a Goth girl." Dad says smiling at me.

While I like spooky things, the last thing I want is a dead-end job. "I don't want to kill my career before it even starts."

"You could just do it for a little while." Mom says. "Make a little money, build a savings, and get back on your feet."

They do pay fairly well down there. And they do have benefits other companies don't. "Why don't you want me to be an administrative assistant?"

"Because administrative assistants are whores." Dad says.

I just thought they did secretarial work. "I wouldn't be like that-"

"I wouldn't want to put you in the path of temptation." Mom says.

She's probably afraid that Mad Matilda will do something crazy on the job with one of these guys. While I used to jump off a stage, I don't jump on random dicks. "I thought they'd learn more about the business working with the bosses-"

"Yeah, administrative assistants learn the business." Dad replies. The business of sucking dick, bending over, and taking a dick in the ass."

I gasp hearing the harsh statements towards women my father makes. "DAD! Language!"

Dad chuckles after hearing my admonishment. "Hey, it' s my house. I can say whatever I want at the table I paid for. But seriously Mattie, you don't want to be an Admin. It's the fast track to becoming a side piece."

"Is that how it is at Columbia?"

"It's how it is everywhere." Mom says.

No wonder they have so many listings for that job in the Times. "But you were a secretary-"

"And when I found out what it really was about I got the hell out of there." Mom replies.

Now I understand why she started working in personnel as a clerk a year after starting there. "I thought women would want to keep it professional on the job."

"Some of them do," Mom continues. "But a lot of them see a man with money, power, and prestige and they start trying to get his attention. And because they spend a lot of time together on the job, they usually wind up getting involved in affairs with married men that fuck up their lives."

Dad works in a prominent position around a lot of women. I have to wonder if he's ever thought about cheating on Mom with someone at the job. "Have you ever been tempted by the women on your job Dad?"

Dad smiles at me. "Why would I want steak when I have lobster at home?"

"So you've never been tempted by any of those attractive young co-eds you teach?"

The smile on my Dad's face tells me how much he loves Mom. "I learned a long time ago to never shit where I eat." Dad continues. "Because all it does is lead to a mess that keeps me from being able to buy food for myself."

And the last thing I'd want to do is wind up in another situation like I got caught up in at VampJam. I wouldn't want to do is lose a good job due to something stupid I did.

"Yeah, there are a lot of young sexy girls all around me." Dad continues. "But I learned to see and not see and hear and not hear."

That's something I learned to do back when I was working at KFC when fine looking Dennis was working there senior year. "You're telling me you've been blind to all those women for over twenty years?"

Dad smiles at me. "I wouldn't want my daughter taken advantage of, so I don't take advantage of other people's daughters."

"Is it really that bad on the job?"

"These White boys turn these girls out in the secretarial pool." Mom says. "Especially the Black ones."

She would know. She has to do the paperwork on all those sexual harassment cases at Amalgamated Consolidated. "So The Pit is a lot safer than the offices upstairs?"

"It's got its hazards. But none of them is gonna cost you your job."

"I thought no one ever got fired at Amalgamated Consolidated-"

"No one gets fired. But a whole lot of people quit."

Because of the stupid shit they do. With her help I might be able to avoid some of the pitfalls that I'd fall into anyplace else. "When can you set up an interview?"

"I can get you one as soon as Monday morning."
CHAPTER 65

Mom smiles hearing my request for an interview. If we work together I should be able to keep this job for a while.

I thought I learned some things from dealing with the Spellbound Negroes at Kentucky Fried Chicken or the horny dudes who would try to come on to me at my raves. But listening to her I still have a lot to learn about the world of work. "I had no idea that becoming an Admin would put you on a bad career path." I say in between bites of my pasta.

"A lot of women don't know that." Mom replies. "They think it's the easy way to a career, but at the end of a year or two they wind up leaving because they can't get the man who dumped them fired."

"Why would they waste time with that?"

"Because women are emotional." Mom continues. "And they get so caught up in hurting a man that they don't see how they're hurting themselves."

"How you come into the job is how you go out." Dad says.

"And you don't want me to go out like a sucker."

"You're our Little Lady." Mom says. "And you want to stay a lady when you're on the job."

I value my title too much to put it at risk again. "You wouldn't think I was a lady if you knew what I did with Justin in his bedroom-"

"What you do with your boyfriend is between you and him." Dad says. "But what you do on the job can cost you your career."

"That's why you don't want me to shit where I eat."

"Looks like you're a fast learner." Dad says.

That's why I graduated at the top of my class. "Many of these women wind up stuck in a vicious cycle of Admin jobs because they get caught up in personal shit with their bosses." Mom says. "And when they wind up quitting they can't use that company for a reference."

"So they have to start over with nothing."

"That's why their careers stall when they get older." Dad says. "Some of them can't even get married.""

"I didn't know it was that bad."

"Yeah, once a woman winds up in the side piece category most men ain't thinking about putting a ring on her finger."

"Because they've already had sex with her-"

"No, they understand if she's cheating with you she's gonna cheat on you." Dad says.

And if a woman has proven she can't be loyal to a man she's shown him she's not worth investing a commitment in. "Wow, I had no idea that the way you behaved on the job could keep you from getting married-"

"If a woman is helping a man steal milk, he's not gonna buy her cow." Mom replies.

Because he knows she'll steal from him. "Well, all I'm gonna do at work is work if I get this job."

"Knowing you, you're gonna stay to yourself."

"That's what I was planning to do."

"You can be social. Just keep it professional." Dad says.

"And watch who you socialize with." Mom tells me. "Some of these people like gossips are out to use rumors and drama to get scared enough to quit your job."

This sounds like a lot of what I ran into at KFC and my internships. "Make me into my own worst enemy."

"And have you in the unemployment line while they make money at your expense."

"This sounds a lot like high school-"

"It is a lot like high school." Dad says. "A lot of these people have grown old-"

"But they haven't grown up." I say. "Sounds like I need to watch myself."

"That's how you keep a job."
CHAPTER 66

After finishing her dinner, Mattie eases up out of her seat and takes her mugshot off the table. I wonder what her plans are for that photo. "I'm gonna go frame this picture." She tells us.

"So where are you gonna put it?" I ask.

"Since Dorothy Dandridge is in my bookcase, I'm thinking I'll put it on the vanity in the bathroom." Mattie replies.

"That's a strange place for a picture." Dad says.

Mattie smiles at her father as she explains the method for her madness. "Before I get ready to go anywhere I want to be reminded of how good I have it."

"And looking at a mugshot will make you think twice before you do anything stupid."

"Yep."

The door swings back and forth as Mattie rushes out of the kitchen. From the conversation we had over dinner it seems like she's a fast learner. I think I'll be able to teach her a lot about the game on the job when I get her down there.

After Mattie leaves, Jason gives me a curious look. "Do you really think Mattie would be good in Claims?" He asks.

"Jerry says that it's the best place for her." I reply.

"With George? He's a few IQ points away from getting an SSI check-"

"Yeah, he's a dumbass, but he doesn't try shit with the girls down there."

"I still think Mattie could do better than Claims though-"

"Well, I want to see how Mattie works. From the looks of things she's a fast learner-"

"Yeah, Mattie was always smart."

"But she needs a couple of months to get herself together. She can wear that Goth stuff down there without getting into trouble."

"Guess you want to see if she's serious about getting herself right."

"Yeah. I don't know if Mad Matilda is gonna rear her pigtailed head again."

"With the Mattie's been staying to herself lately I don't think she's ever coming back."

Yeah, she's been really quiet these days. Spending her weekends in reading books and watching movies on TV. But money changes everything. Mad Matilda could come back after she gets her first paycheck. "For now. I want to see how she's gonna act when she's got her own money in her pocket."

"I think Mattie's learned her lesson about raving."

"I'm hoping so."

"You think she could work her way out of there?"

"I'm thinking she could go very far once she gets back on her feet."
CHAPTER 67

I give myself a once-over in the scratched plastic glass of the A train I'm riding on as it bolts into the 59th Street station. I think I'm ready to leave a good first impression on Mom's co-workers today. For this interview I've decided to leave the Goth at home and just be Matilda. Underneath my leather trench coat I'm wearing the black skirt suit, white blouse, and black heels I wore at court. And instead of my usual black lipstick, I've got on a dark burgundy one that wouldn't be seen as strange or unusual. While many of the people at Mom's job know I'm a Goth, I want them to see I'm someone they can take seriously when they work with me.

The train opens its doors and I rush out of the car with my portfolio in hand. After I march through the turnstile and up the stairs, I head down Columbus Avenue looking for the Amalgamated Consolidated building. I turn the corner on Columbus Avenue and find it on 57th Street. I twirl through the revolving door and step into the lobby and taking deep breaths to calm the anxieties welling up inside me. I'm hoping that this interview works out because I'd love to get the chance to show Mom's co-workers what a Goth can do on the job. One of the things I want to do if I start working here is disprove all these stereotypes regarding people who are in the subculture.

After a quick ride up to the 20th floor, the elevator opens on the reception area of Human Resource department. I walk up to the receptionist's desk and greet her with a smile. "I'm Matilda Crowley here for a nine o'clock interview with Carolina Williams."

On seeing me the receptionist gives me a curious look. "You're Muriel's girl?"

So much for making a professional impression. "Yeah."

"You can have a seat. Carolina will be out in a moment."

I walk over to a seat in the waiting area and ease into the soft leather cushions of the sofa. In a few minutes, Carolina comes out to greet me. "Matilda?" She inquires.

I jump off the sofa and greet the heavyset middle-aged caramel colored woman dressed in a tailored business suit with a smile. Yes?"

"Carolina Williams. How are you?" She says extending her hand.

"I'm fine." I say shaking it.

"Great."

I follow Carolina down the hall. We turn the corner and enter a florescent-lit Berber carpeted office space where lite music plays from the speakers in the ceiling. As we approach Conference Room A, Carolina makes small talk with me. "You're Muriel's oldest girl?"

Seems like I'm a lot more popular than I thought with everyone around here. I'm hoping I don't get hired based on nepotism. "Yeah."

"I remember seeing you walk around here with your brother and sister when you were little." She says opening the door of the conference room. "I'd have to say you've grown up to be quite a fine young woman."

That's what I want everyone to see. "Thank you."

"You can have a seat."

I slip off my leather trench coat and take a seat across from Carolina at the conference table. As she takes my resume out of her portfolio she looks it over then meets my eyes with hers. "So why do you want to work in Claims?" She asks.

I'll give her the official story. "I'm just looking for a place to get a start." I say. "And Claims seems like the best place to get some experience and basic business skills."

"Well, looking at your education and experience you have you could start in a more challenging position here like administrative assistant."

I know what she's trying to do, test my resolve. If I let her stroke my ego and go for that more prestigious position I won't be leaving here with a job offer. "Well, the best way to learn a business is to start at entry level then work your way up."

Carolina gives me an earnest look. "It is. But you do know The Pit is a dead zone. Not much room for advancement there. Especially for a Columbia graduate who interned at Fortune 500 companies. Are you sure I can't consider you for an administrative assistant position?"

I have to stand firm for the job I came here for. "It seems like I'm aiming low. But I'm really looking for a place to get some experience and learn some basic skills before I move ahead in my career."

I'm surprised by an earnest smile. "So do you see yourself in The Pit in five years?"

"I see myself someplace else five years from now."

"Could you see yourself at Amalgamated Consolidated in five years?"

"I might see myself here if the right job opened up."

Carolina smiles at me after hearing my answer. "Well, since you're looking for a start, I'll give you that. "When are you available?"

"I can start tomorrow."

"Well, give yourself some time to get yourself together. You can start your orientation next month."

"Great."

"You have any questions?"

"Are you giving me this job because my Mom is the boss here?"

Carolina smiles at me as she goes off script. "Anybody who can breathe qualifies to work in Claims."

"So I could have gotten this job on my own?"

"You got it on your own. Your mother just set up the interview."

Nice to know there's no nepotism involved. "Is there any training on the job?"

"Yeah. You'll learn everything you need to know about Claims at Orientation."

"What are the hours?"

"The Pit is a straight nine to five Monday through Friday with an hour for lunch at noon."

Man, that's very rigid. "What about the salary?"

"The starting salary is forty thousand a year."

My eyes grow wide on hearing the starting salary. Most firms only pay twenty-five for that kind of work. "Wow, you guys are really generous."

"You'll think you're not paid enough after dealing with the bullshit down there."

"Is the work that hard?"

"The paperwork is easy. It's dealing with the people that's hard."

That sounds like every other job I've had. "So is there a dress code I need to know about?"

"They dress real casual down there, so you can wear whatever you want. George doesn't really care."

Yes! I can wear my Goth gear to work. "I'm just asking because I kind of dress kind of...different."

"Yeah, your mom told me you're one of those people who like to wear the funeral clothes."

"I just don't want to get into any trouble."

"Well, you do your job, mind your business, and you should be all right down there. You bring your ID and social security card?"

I brought all my IDs. "Yeah."

"Then we can get your paperwork started."
CHAPTER 68

I glance down at the time on my watch and catch the time. 11:32. Carolina should have finished interviewing Mattie by now. If she couldn't pass the interview for Claims then I'd be worried. We hire anybody who's breathing for that job.

I'm about to grab the phone when Carolina saunters into my office. From the smile on her face I'm thinking things went well between her and Mattie. "So how'd it go?" I ask.

"We just got through doing the paperwork." Carolina replies. "And Matilda will be starting her Orientation this March."

I smile on hearing the good news. "Great."

"I'd have to say your daughter has grown up to become quite a very nice young woman." Carolina says. "She's very well mannered and polite."

It makes me proud to hear that. "Well, Mattie has always been our little lady."

"So why are you feeding her to the sharks?"

I flash Carolina a smile. "I want to see if she can survive on her own."

"I'm just sayin, with her education she could easily be an assistant to one of the bosses around here-"

"And she'd be out the door in a year." I say. "You know how it is for Black girls around here-"

"Yeah, these White boys run through them. I still don't see how putting her in The Pit is any better for her-"

I'm not expecting her to do much. "This is just a job for Mattie cut her teeth on, make some money, and get back on her feet."

"I think you're selling your daughter short. A smart girl like her could go far here in the right position."

I give her a look. "This is the last place I want her to be."

"Come on, this is a good company Muriel." Carolina chides.

This place is a shithole. "Good for what? Making you crazy-"

"Yeah, there's a lot of nonsense we have to deal with around here. But ain't many companies out there where you can get up and go to work like clockwork anymore."

She's got that right. "I watched twenty-eight years of my life come and go here. I don't want Mattie to go through that."

"I wouldn't mind my son having this kind of job."

"Doesn't he have a Master's?"

"He's the master of unemployment." Carolina says. "Devin has had two jobs in the last five years. And he's hoping he keeps this one."

"Does he quit them?"

"Quit? The companies keep going out of business before he can get any traction."

I've heard the horror stories. "I guess people don't keep jobs like they used to."

"These companies don't run like they used to Muriel." Carolina continues. "So if a kid can get in a spot like this they need to make the most of it."

"You making it sound like Mattie was blessed with the opportunity of a lifetime."

"Sometimes the smallest jobs lead to the biggest breaks."

"But nobody moves up out of The Pit-"

"I think your girl can do it."

"You sound like you actually believe in her."

"It's not how you start, it's how you finish. And your daughter looks like someone who can finish strong."
CHAPTER 69

I march up the stairs of the 116th Street train station with a smile on my face. While I wanted to go upstairs to tell Mom about my new job, I didn't want to put her on the spot. It'd be extremely unprofessional for the VP of HR's daughter to talk about getting hired in front of her new co-workers.

However, it's perfectly fine for me to tell my best friend about my new job. With Lady Diabolique's schedule busy with teaching LitHum classes, taking doctoral classes, and office hours, she barely has a minute to breathe these days. I hope she has a minute for me to share my good news with her.

I pass through the black wrought iron entrance of Columbia and walk down the red brick paths to Kent Hall. After a quick ride on up the elevator, I rush down the corridors and head into the offices of the English Department. "Hi, I wanted to know if Olivia Cherry is in?" I ask approaching the reception desk.

On hearing my inquiry the student puts down her copy of Pride & Prejudice and looks up at me. "Yeah, she's here..."

"Matilda Crowley."

The receptionist picks up the phone and punches in an extension. "Oh, Professor Crowley's daughter." She says.

She must be taking his class. "Olivia, you have Matilda Crowley here to see you." She says into the phone.

The receptionist hangs up. In a few moments Olivia comes out into the reception area. I smile seeing my best friend wearing a conservative hairstyle, a black merino turtleneck sweater, black broomstick skirt, and black and silver buckled pike boots. Even though the only makeup she's got on is red lipstick it looks like she's found a way to stay spooky at work. "Mattie!" she gasps rushing out into the reception area to give me a hug. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm doing great." I say breaking the embrace.

"You must be. That's the first time I've seen a smile on your face in a long time."

"I'll tell you what I've got to smile about when we get to your office."

Olivia leads me past the reception desk into the maze of cubicles. I light up seeing an imitation wood sign stating Olivia Cherry, Adjunct denoting her space in the office. Surrounding her computer and the numerous books and file folders on her desk are skeleton, bat, and black cat figurines. Olivia gestures for me to have a seat as she falls into the leather chair behind her desk. As I fall into the chair beside it, I find out what's been going on with my best friend. "Looks like you've found some way to incorporate your spooky side into your workspace." I say.

"Yeah, I found out I can be Goth in the classroom as long as I tone it down." Olivia replies. "I can wear my black, but I can't wear my teased out Siouxsie hair."

Looking at her Goth ensemble maybe there's hope I can stay spooky on the job when I start working someplace else in a year. "Maybe I'll be able to bring some of my Goth stuff to the job into my cubicle when I start work in March."

Olivia's eyes grow wide. "You got a job?"

"Yeah, I'm working at Amalgamated Consolidated."

"Awesome!"

"It's not much, just processing Claims."

"Hey, a job is a job." Olivia replies. "And after the beating your Mad Money took, you need to rebuild your savings."

That's my plan. "So are you still going by Lady Diabolique on campus Professor Cherry?"

"Yeah, I've decided to keep the Goth name." Olivia replies. "You found a new one yet?"

"I'm just gonna be Matilda for a while."

Olivia smiles on hearing my commitment to being myself. "Is that part of your career plan?"

"Kind of. I want to be a positive example of what Goth really is." I reply.

Lady Diabolique gives me a quizzed look on hearing what my plans for the future are. "Er... I don't see how that's gonna pay the bills."

Guess she's too busy working to see how we Goths are depicted on these trash talk shows these days. "Dude, you should totally see how they have us on talk shows like Jenny Jones and Sally Jessy Raphael. They have us on stage looking like a bunch of freaks."

"You do know we are trying look like a bunch of freaks-"

"It doesn't give anyone the right to treat us like we're not human." I say. "If we took our makeup off and they presented us on TV the way Goths are, Al Sharpton would be protesting and calling it racist."

"I never saw the parallels between Goths and Black people-"

We have a lot in common. "Most Goths like you and I are good people." I continue. "But we're getting stereotyped in the media as a bunch of psychos."

"I don't see how us being Goth on the job is gonna change anything-"

"Every one of us who isn't afraid to be ourselves on the job makes a difference. If more people see Goths in real life then they'll see who we really are, not how the media presents us as."

"From the way you're talking it sounds like you finally see a place for yourself in the world." Dad says.

As my father walks into the cubicle I greet him with a smile. I can't wait to share the good news with him. "Hey Dad, what brings you into the adjunct pit?"

"Sara told me you were here. So did you get the job?"

"You're looking at Amalgamated Consolidated's newest Claims Associate."

Dad smiles on hearing my good news. "That's great! When do you start?"

"My training starts in March."

"Sounds like The Lady has a plan when she gets to the office-"

"I'm working towards carving a niche for myself."

"So you see a place for yourself at Amalgamated Consolidated?"

"I see myself being the best Goth employee there I can be."
CHAPTER 70

I hurry up the stairs of our brownstone with a smile on my face and shopping bags in my hand. Since Mattie is starting her new job next month, I thought I'd pick up a few things for her to wear when she started working in the office.

I twist the locks of the door open and step into the foyer to find Jason sitting on the in front of the TV. "I thought the maid of the manor would be preparing to serve tonight's supper." I say hanging up my coat.

Jason smiles at me as he springs up off the sofa. "I gave her the night off."

So what are we having for dinner?"

"I'm gonna get us all some KFC Rotisserie Gold from down the hill in a few minutes."

"Mattie is still here?"

"She's up in her room."

I thought she'd be out somewhere celebrating. "Well, I guess I can show her some of the new clothes I got her for work."

I rush up the stairs filled with anticipation. As I approach the sign on the dark door of the _Crypt De Crowley_ I hear the sound of music playing. That's a song I haven't heard before. Looks like Mattie's got a new CD. "Mattie?" I call out as I rapp my knuckles on the door.

I hear footsteps rushing over to the door. When it cracks open I'm greeted with the smile of the slender chalk colored girl who's dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. "Hey Mom, heard the good news?" She greets.

"Yeah, I did. Congratulations on the new job."

"Thanks."

On seeing the Brooks Brothers bags in my hands Mattie opens up the door. I step into her suite and find a new vampire novel is open on the bed while a new song plays on her boombox. Looks like she's having another quiet evening at home. "New CD?"

"Yeah, it's a little gift to myself." Mattie replies. "London After Midnight."

" _Where good girls Go to Die_?" I say listening to the song's chorus. "I'd like to think you'd put on some more festive music."

"Er...I'm going to work at Amalgamated Consolidated. This is festive music."

I'm hoping that her job there is the start of her life. "Then I guess the song is apt." I say. "I got you some new clothes for work."

A giddy smile sprouts on Mattie's face as she takes the bags from me and flops onto the side of the bed. "Brooks Brothers?" She says. "You must really love me."

She doesn't know how much I do. "I thought you'd really want to wear something nice for your first day at work."

"I thought I could wear my Goth gear to work-"

"I thought a lady would like to get a little fancy for her first day."

Mattie digs into the bags and tears the paper off the bundles of clothes. Her smile twists into a grimace when she sees the red silk blouse. "They didn't have any black ones?"

I thought she'd like it. "Er...it's after Christmas. All the black ones were sold out."

"I guess I'll find something to wear it with." Mattie says digging deeper into the bag. "Now this I can definitely use." She says looking over the white blouse, black crewneck sweater and the black business skirt.

Those are her two favorite colors. "So do you have any plans to celebrate tonight?"

"After I bought my new CD, and my new book I saw Olivia today." Mattie replies. "And Dad took me and Olivia to lunch at Tom's Diner."

"I thought you'd be doing something else tonight."

Mattie smiles at me as she takes her paperback off the bed. "I am doing something. Reading _Night of the Vampires_."

"I just noticed you're staying home a lot these days."

"Well, when you have no job, no money, and no boyfriend that's what you do."

"I thought your father was paying you-"

"Yeah, but that's only enough for a book, a video rental, or a box of chicken. It's not gonna pay the cover charge at a Goth Club."

There's no cover charge at Trepidation. Why doesn't she go there? "Are you sure that's the only reason you're staying in these days?"

"Pretty much."

"So once you start working you'd go start going out again?"

"Maybe."

"Well, your father is gonna be taking us all out to dinner in a few minutes. So why don't you get ready?"

"I'll be down in a couple of minutes."
CHAPTER 71

After Mom heads out of my bedroom I hop off my bed and rush over to my closet to get a pair of jeans and some shoes. As I look over all my Goth gear on hangers and the shelves, I think about all the good times Mad Matilda used to have at the clubs and her raves. There was a time when I used to go out every weekend. But these days I just don't feel like it anymore.

It's just been easier to stay home. After all I've been through with jail and court last year I just don't want to get into any more trouble. The way I figure it no one can arrest me for eating ice cream and brownies in front of the TV.
CHAPTER 72

I march down the stairs thinking about the conversation I had with Mattie. She says she's okay, but it's clear to me she's getting worse. When she first became a Goth we couldn't keep her in the house. Now I can't get her out of it.

Jason is getting his coat out of the closet when he notices the worried look on her face. "Mattie doesn't like Brooks Brothers?" He asks.

"She liked everything except the red blouse." I say.

"You know she doesn't like anything unless it's black." Jason says putting on his coat.

"It doesn't seem like she likes living anymore."

"Yeah, I noticed she's gone back to staying in her room."

"There was a time I couldn't get her to stay in the house."

"Now you want to get her out of it."

"She says she doesn't have enough money to go anywhere-"

"She probably doesn't. A hundred dollars a week ain't gonna buy much these days."

That's more than what she used to make at KFC. "She says that won't cover the cover charge at most of the clubs she used to go to-"

"But Trepidation doesn't have a cover charge."

"So why is she staying home?"

"Maybe she got spooked about getting arrested." Jason replies.

And the beating I gave her might have spooked her even more. I have to wonder if in putting a stop to Mad Matilda I started my daughter down the road to becoming a spinster. "But she shouldn't stop herself from living-"

"I don't think she's stopped living." Jason continues. "From the way she was talking this afternoon I'm thinking she's just trying to get herself together."

"To do what?"

"Mattie says she wants to be the best Goth she can be at work. And I guess she's planning on focusing on moving past the clubs and the raves."

"She could still go out-"

"From the way she was talking with Olivia today it seems like she's preparing to go in a different direction in her life."

"So you think this is all temporary?"

"I think Mattie will be back out and about soon. Sometimes it just takes time to figure out where you want to go."
CHAPTER 73

March 1996

Could this be the start of the rest of my life?

My stomach is full of butterflies as I twirl through the bronzed revolving doors of the Amalgamated Consolidated building. Today is supposed to be the first day of Orientation. My first real job. And possibly the start of my career.

I'm not expecting much from working at Amalgamated Consolidated, I know The Pit is a dead-end spot. No real room for advancement, and no real place to do anything except make a few dollars. But I'm not here for money. I want to prove to everyone there that Goths can get the job done just like everyone else.

After I rush through the lobby and get on the elevator, I take deep breaths to calm the anxieties welling up inside me on the ride up. When it opens on the 17th floor, I'm greeted with a sign at the reception desk that says trainees are to report to the conference room. Not really the warm welcome new hires should get, but par for the course around here.

I feel the apathy swirling in the air following the paper signs with arrows down the Berber carpeted hall. Lite music plays from speakers in the ceiling as I turn into the open double doors of the conference room at the end of the hall. When I step into the room I'm met with the scowling blue eyes of a middle-aged red haired woman in a double-breasted French blue suit. "Are you here for the Orientation?" She asks brusquely.

I don't know what's worse her surly demeanor or her cigarette breath. "Yeah."

"You are..."

"Matilda Crowley."

On hearing my name the woman goes down the list and checks my name. Then she hands me a sticker with my name on it. "Oh, Muriel's kid. I'm Vivian McNeil, the events manager." She says extending her hand.

This so-called event leaves a lot to be desired. I could think of a dozen things that I'd do to make it way more inviting to our new hires and make them feel welcome here. "Nice to meet you Vivian." I say shaking it.

After giving me another once-over Vivian grimaces. "You going to a freakshow after work?"

Looking around at the cast of oddities sitting in the conference room I think I'm going to one now. "No, this is just how I dress ma'am."

"Well, we get all kinds in The Pit." Vivian sighs shaking her head. "You can have a seat. If you want some breakfast we've got some stuff on the table over there."

"Thank you."

You'd think an events manager would be a bit more diplomatic on the job. But I guess she's par for the course around here. I hang up my hat and coat on the coat rack, grab a donut and a box of juice off the table and join the group of casually dressed new hires sitting in the series of black folding chairs set up in front of a big screen TV that's in front of the room. Since it's only 8:45, I think I've got a few minutes before everything starts to have my breakfast.

I'm about start eating my donut when I feel eyes on me. "That's an interesting outfit." a perky voiced woman says.

I turn around and to hear who gave me a compliment and I'm met with the scowl of a heavyset honey colored Black woman wearing a tan suit and box braids. When she doesn't say anything, I turn back to focus on the TV and I'm greeted with a smile from an attractive young blonde White girl dressed in a burgundy twinset, khaki twill skirt, and burgundy flats. "Yeah, I'm right in front of you." She replies.

"Thanks." I reply giving her an apologetic smile.

"It's just with all the black you have on it looks like you're going to a funeral."

If she only knew the company she was starting to work at she'd be mourning too. I look down at the black crewneck sweater, white blouse, black business skirt, fishnet tights, and bat buckled pike shoes I have on and meet the woman's smiling blue eyes with my own smile. "It's just my style."

"With all the dark clothes and that spooky makeup you kind of remind me of that wrestler my cousin likes to watch, The Undertaker."

"I'm The Black Widow."

The blonde smiles on hearing me tell her who I am. "Is that why you wear the pendant?"

"Yeah, it's my way of letting everyone know who I am." I say playing with my necklace. "I was actually going for corporate Wednesday Addams with this outfit."

On hearing about the movie the blonde woman lights up. "Oh, I love that movie!" She gushes. "Anjelica Huston is just so awesome in it!"

While she's a Morticia fan, Wednesday is my girl. "Christina Ricci stole the movie for me."

"She was pretty awesome in it." The woman says extending her hand. "I'm Nancy."

"I'm Matilda." I say shaking it.

"Matilda?" Nancy says giving me a curious look. "There's a name from them olden days-"

It is very Victorian. "It's my grandmother's name from my father's side of the family."

"I didn't think people did that anymore."

That's because the family is so broken these days. "Well, my father said I reminded him so much of his mother when I was born he gave me her name."

I'm named after my aunt from my mother's side."

I become curious about how big Nancy's family is after hearing who she's named after. "You come from a big family?"

"Three proud Italian sisters and two boys."

No wonder they gave her a name of an aunt. I feel a vibe between us growing as the instructor walks into the room. The stout blonde pink skinned man wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt, blue striped tie, khaki pants, and rubber soled shoes nervously rushes over to the lectern next to the TV screen. "Good Morning." He gruffly greets.

"Good Morning." everyone replies.

"Welcome to Amalgamated Consolidated. I'm George Clinton, the supervisor for the Claims Department. Today, we're gonna go through the history of the company, get your IDs made, and then after lunch I'll assign you your cubicle. Then you'll come back here to find out what a claim is."

George grabs a videotape off the shelf under the TV and pops it into the VCR. As it starts playing our first day of work begins.
CHAPTER 74

George hits stop on the VCR as the final tape finishes playing. So far all my training has consisted of watching of watching old videos about the history of Amalgamated Consolidated. And from what I've seen this company is so far in the slow lane it rides in the small yellow bus.

Turns out this company has been around since 1898. And once the original company, Amalgamated Incorporated merged with Consolidated Standard they built the Amalgamated Consolidated building here in Columbus Circle in 1939 to be their new headquarters. That would be the reason why the décor of this place is so outdated. In between the archaic décor and the rigid rules for everything, a person could go crazy working here. I'm just hoping I can go someplace better by the end of the year.

After pushing stop on the VCR, George flicks the lights on and looks out to us. "That's the history of Amalgamated Consolidated." George says. "Does anybody have any questions?"

On hearing nothing but silence from everyone, George gives us our instructions. "Since there are no questions, if you'll all follow Vivian, she'll take you upstairs to get your IDs made. After that, you can go take lunch. But be back here by one o'clock so I can assign you your cubicles."

We all look over to Vivian standing near the door. "Alright, if you'll all line up outside in the hall. I'll take you upstairs to Human Resources to get your IDs made."

Once we get our orders, everyone gets up out of their seats and starts heading for the door. I'm about to follow behind Nancy when George calls out to me. "Excuse me Matilda?" George requests.

"Yeah?" I ask approaching his lectern.

"You're Muriel Crowley's girl right?"

"I am."

George shakes his head. "You don't look anything like your mother."

"That's because I take my looks from my Dad."

"I just thought you'd be blacker."

Okay...someone's elevator doesn't go to the top floor. I'd explain to him how Black people come in numerous shades of brown, but since I just got here, I'm gonna let it slide this one time. "Blacker?"

"I'm just sayin, you're so White you almost look like me."

"Is that a problem?"

"No, not a problem, just noticing something."

I'm noticing something too. George here is a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic basket. After George makes his observation, I dart out of the conference room biting my tongue. If I say what I wanted to say to him my first day at Amalgamated Consolidated would probably be my last.
CHAPTER 75

I paste on a smile as I look into the red light of the camera I'm standing in front of in the ID office. After the flashbulb explodes in my eyes, I ponder what I want for lunch. I'll definitely need the break after experiencing George and Vivian this morning.

I thought I was strange and unusual. But this Pit is filled with a menagerie of oddballs and weirdoes that make me look normal. From the boss who's IQ is lower than tepid tea to the events manager with the demeanor of a Cold War general, this place is crazier than anything I've ever experienced in the subculture. I'm going to have to ask Mom how she gets through a day here when I get home tonight.

When I finish I taking my picture, I head over to the printer station. Once I'm handed my new ID card by one of the technicians, I hang it around my neck and head out of the ID office over to the elevator bank. I'm supposed to meet Nancy in the conference room in five minutes. She took her picture ten minutes ago; I hope we don't miss each other.

Once I get off the elevator on the 17th floor, I rush past the reception desk down the hall into the conference room. There I find Jeremy and Monisha, two of my fellow new hires waiting for lunch to be over. While the heavyset honey colored woman in the tan suit and box braids sits reading her copy of Waiting To Exhale, the tall sandy haired White boy wearing a dress shirt, jeans, and sneakers puts down the donut and lukewarm box of juice he was about to take from the leftovers on the breakfast platter. "Hey." He says approaching me with a smile.

"Hey." I reply back.

"So you're like one of those Goth chicks?"

So he recognized. "Yeah."

"So you're like into horror movies and stuff like that?"

Seems like he knows something about the subculture. "Yeah, I'm into vampires, bats, and black cats. "

"And spikes, lace, and leather?"

I smile when I hear him talking about three of my favorite things. "I have some of that in my wardrobe."

As I'm getting my coat off the rack Jeremy leans over and whispers into my ear. "Bet you're into some real kinky shit in the bedroom."

My smile twists into a frown on hearing his observations regarding me. Great, one of those pervs Mom warned me about. I'd think he'd be smart enough not to say something this stupid on the first day of work. But if the standard for this job is being able to breathe, I can see how a jackass like him landed a job here.

Before I can respond to his disgusting statement, Nancy walks into the room. "Hey Matilda, hey Jeremy." She greets.

"Hey Nancy." I reply.

"Ready for lunch?"

Jeremy cocks an eyebrow on hearing about our plans. "You guys are going to lunch? Let me buy-"

The same guy who was scavenging scraps from the breakfast platter all of a sudden has money to buy us all lunch. I flash him another playful smile before I put him out of his misery. "Thanks, but I don't shit where I eat."

On hearing the rejection, Jeremy scurries back over to his seat with his leftovers. Nancy gives me a quizzed look as she gets her leather jacket off the rack. "What was that about?"

"I'll tell you when we get outside."
CHAPTER 76

As Nancy and I head out of the conference room, she gives me another curious look. I'd love to tell her what's up but I need to put some distance between Jeremy and me before I start talking about him. After we get on the elevator and it descends down to the lobby, I let her know what she needs to know about our new office pervert.

"So what happened between you and Jeremy?" Nancy asks as we get off the elevator.

"Jeremy is a perv." I huff.

"Perv?" What'd he say to you?"

"Jeremy decided the best way to break the ice with me is to ask me if I'm into kinky sex."

Nancy's eyes grow wide "Oh my God-"

"It's one of the things you deal with being a Goth." I sigh as we twirl through the revolving doors. "Some people see you wearing all black and assume you're a sexual deviant."

"So he thinks you're freaky because you dress different?" Nancy says as the elevator descends. "You should report him to HR-"

And have everyone around here think I need mommy to get me out of shit? Hell no. If I'm standing on my own two feet I need to handle things on my own. "It wouldn't do any good." I say shaking my head.

"Why? What he's doing is wrong-"

May as well let her know what the corporate culture is around here. "Not around here. Not only is the décor from the fifties, but so are the company policies."

"And here I was thinking I was taking a step up from waitressing getting a job here-"

"You have no idea how fucked up it is here." I tell her as we cross the street. When I was a kid and my Mom used to bring me here afterschool, I'd see all sorts of shit going on."

"So you've got access to inside information?"

"My mom is the VP of Human Resources."

Nancy smiles on hearing my connections to Amalgamated Consolidated's senior executives. "Wow, I didn't know I was talking to such a big wheel-"

"She's the big wheel. I'm just a cog in the machine."

"So how bad is it here?"

"If I told you everything you might lose your lunch."

"I've got a strong stomach." Nancy says as we approach the entrance of Giuseppe's Pizza. "So I have no problem learning how bad things are here."
CHAPTER 77

Nancy gets the door for me and we step onto the sales floor of Giuseppe's Pizza. As we approach the counter and I think about what I want to order, I ponder what inside information I want to share with my new friend. If I told her everything that was wrong at Amalgamated Consolidated we'll be here for a month. So I'm just gonna have to give her the basic rundown of what to look out for in order to keep her job.

After the person in front of us places their order and leaves, the guy at the counter smiles at us. "What'll it be ladies?"

"Two slices and a Pepsi. What do you want Nancy?"

"I'll have a Caesar salad and a water."

Not what I'd order at a fine Italian establishment like this but everybody has their own tastes. "Five minutes." The guy tells us.

Nancy and I find a table in the back of the restaurant. As we take our seats I find out more about her diet. "Salad?"

Nancy gives me a look. "What? I like salad."

"Dude, you do know we're in a pizzeria."

"Yeah, but I'm trying to stay in shape." Nancy says. "And salads will fill you up without putting on the pounds."

"So you're into fitness?"

"Yeah. I'm in the gym almost every other night after work."

I'd be there too. But with all the drama going on over the last year my workouts have consisted of court dates and community service. "Wouldn't that be hard on you after being on your feet all day?"

Nancy flashes me a smile. "You'd think." But after I take a ride on the bus uptown to my gym I don't even feel it. Besides, I'd rather be in the gym then be in an apartment with my roommates."

"Is it that bad where you live?"

"One of my roommates likes to bring guys to the house after she comes home from the club on Saturday night who stay until next Saturday morning. The other likes to play PlayStation games all night after work."

"Harsh."

"Yeah, that's why I'm looking to get my own place in a couple of months. Living with two girls in The City is like sharing a toilet covered in shit."

That was one of the reasons why I stopped sharing a room with Shelley. Girls are slobs. "So this job is a step up for you?"

"Yeah. I'm hoping it'll help me make my big break-"

Before Nancy can finish her sentence the counter guy calls out to us. "Caesar salad and two slices up."

On hearing our order is up, I jump out of my seat and hurry back over to the counter. After I return to our table with our lunch, Nancy gives me an eager look. "So what would make me lose my lunch working at Amalgamated Consolidated?" She asks taking a crouton off the top of her salad and popping it in her mouth.

Where do I start? "Amalgamated Consolidated is like a frat house. So a lot of the guys here are really boorish."

"So Jeremy is the rule?"

"He's the standard."

Nancy shrugs her shoulders. "Sounds like everything I experienced working at Bennigan's for the last four years-"

"I bet you never walked in on someone getting fucked in the bathroom-"

"July of 1991, September of 1992, April of 1993, and twice in August of 1994."

"Wow, I never thought people had so much sex in bathrooms-"

"When you can't afford a motel, a bathroom stall will do."

If most kids only knew where they were actually conceived. "We never had to deal with that at the Kentucky Fried Chicken I worked at as a kid-"

"Let me tell you, family dining is a completely different experience than fast food." Nancy continues. "When people get drunk, they get horny. And when they fuck we have to clean that shit up."

"You may have to use a wet nap on the toilets around here before you sit-"

"Not hearing anything I didn't have to worry about at Bennigan's."

"So you're used to rough work environments?"

Nancy smiles at me. "I've been dealing with bullshit like this since I moved out of my parents house at 18. And in the last four years I've learned to see and don't see and hear and don't hear on these jobs to keep them."

Guess she came up like Dad. "So you'd know not to get involved with the bosses around here."

"Definitely. I've seen so many girls at Bennigan's try to take the slut track to management and all of them wound up on the unemployment line."

"So much for sexual harassment laws-"

"Hey, it's not sexual harassment if you put the dick in your mouth."

"That's why my Dad tells me not to shit where I eat."

"That's good advice. It'll keep you working when everyone else has quit."

She would know better than me." So why'd you choose The Pit for your big break?"

"I heard the pay is good, the work is easy, and the benefits are amazing." Nancy says leaning back in her chair. "And since there aren't too many jobs out here like that anymore, I had to go for it."

"You do know The Pit is a dead end spot-"

"Better than being an Admin." Nancy spits.

"Yeah, my Mom tells me a lot of them get turned into side pieces-"

Nancy nods her head. "She's not lying."

"You saw a lot of that at Bennigan's?"

Nancy shakes her head no. "My sister got into it with one of the attorneys at her job at this Wall Street law firm. And now that she's got a baby by him, he doesn't want to take care of it."

Damn, I didn't know it could get that bad. "I guess that's why you don't want to be an assistant-"

"After the last five years of dealing with crazy family members, shitty jobs with shitty hours and even shittier pay I just want to find a place where I can get stable."

"So you're just here for the money?"

"Hell yeah, I'm here for the money. If somebody wants to give me forty thousand dollars a year just to push some papers I'll fuckin' take it."

"I guess Amalgamated Consolidated is a big step up from for you-"

"Compared to the shitty life I've had in Hempstead I'm gonna be living like a human being in a couple of months."

Hold on. Is she telling me that it's not paradise in suburbia? "I thought people in Long Island lived better than in The City-"

"Don't believe the hype. Hempstead is just a ghetto with picket fences instead of projects-"

"It can't be as bad as Harlem is-"

"Mad Matilda?" someone calls out in the restaurant.

When I turn around to hear who called me by my former Goth name I'm met with the smile of someone I thought I'd never see again.
CHAPTER 78

I'm surprised when I see Darius rushing from the counter over to our table. I thought he'd have forgotten about me in the year that's passed since our meeting at my last rave. "I wondered what happened to you." Darius says.

"Life." I sigh.

"Well, people in the scene want to know how you're living. A lot of kids in the scene are still talking about you on LiveJournal. They've been wondering what happened to The Legendary Mad Matilda."

Nancy gives Darius a quizzed look after hearing about my past. "Legendary Mad Matilda?" Nancy asks.

"Yeah, you're in the presence of the Queen of the Industrial Goth Raves."

Nancy's eyes grow wide on hearing who I used to be. "Are you telling me I'm talking to an actual celebrity?" Nancy asks.

"You definitely are." Darius gushes. "Mad Matilda here has rubbed elbows with some of the biggest stars in the Goth scene and even some of Hollywood's A-list at her parties."

That was one of the fun parts of my parties, you never knew who would show up. "Well, I used to."

"With the buzz you have going on online right now you could draw big if you made an appearance. So if you still want to do that show at The Hallows I'm down."

With all the drama that usually goes on in the subculture I'd have thought that the kids in the scene would have forgotten about me in a year's time. "I'd love to, but right now I'm just trying to get my life in order. Today's the first day of my new job."

Darius looks down at the ID card around my neck and pastes on a smile. "I understand, you're trying to get your money right. But we'd pay top dollar if Mad Matilda did a show with us."

"What kind of money are you talking about?" Nancy asks.

"At least six or seven grand."

Wow, that's more than I made doing one rave. "I'd have to think about it."

"Well, I'd love to have lunch with you to find out what your future plans are. Are you available tomorrow?"

I guess it wouldn't hurt to just talk. "Can you meet me here at noon?"

"I can definitely do that."
CHAPTER 79

While Darius rushes back to the counter to pick up his lunch, Nancy gives me a playful smile. "Mad Matilda, Queen of the Industrial Goth Raves." She sings. "From the shy way you act I'd have never believed you were a celebrity."

She's taking the revelation of my fame a lot better than I expected. "So you want my autograph?"

"Nah, I'd rather be your friend."

While I'm cool with her, I don't know if I can trust her with what she's learned about me. "Since you know my secret identity I'm going to have to either kill you or I'm gonna have bring you over to my house for a sleepover."

Nancy flashes me a playful smile. "Do I bring my own sleeping bag?" Or are you gonna provide accommodations?"

My eyes grow wide on the retort. "What makes you think I won't kill you?"

"Because your secrets are safe with me."

"I'm trying to move past the club scene."

"Why?"

"My parties weren't held in what you would call legal venues."

"So you're afraid that the cops are gonna get you-"

"I actually got arrested at the last one."

Nancy's eyes grow wide on hearing the revelation. "Oh shit-"

"Tell me about it." I sigh. "I'm just getting things in my life back together after everything that happened last year."

"So you're trying to get back on your feet?"

"That's what I'm trying to do with this job."

"Seems like you could get your money together a lot faster by doing one of those shows-"

While the money is really nice I don't think it's worth taking the risk of pissing off Mom and Dad. If Mad Matilda came back, Matilda Kelley Crowley would be needing that seven thousand dollars to pay for a deposit on a new apartment. "Fast money sometimes costs more than it's worth."

"Still, it's a tempting offer."

"Yeah, it is. But I don't know if I want to give into temptation."
CHAPTER 80

As Nancy and I leave the Pizzeria, I wonder if the encounter with Darius this afternoon was a blessing or a curse. Just as I've committed myself to being a part of the Norm world, I'm given an opportunity to return to the subculture.

I didn't know people were still talking about Mad Matilda. I thought her legend would have died at VampJam 95. But somehow she still has a following among Goths even after being gone for over a year. I wonder what people are saying about her on LiveJournal. And I wonder if it'd be worth it to even think about making a comeback.
CHAPTER 81

As Nancy and I file into the conference room Vivian greets us with a scowl. "Back from break early." She jabs looking at her watch. "Looks like you're on your way to becoming a model employee Freakshow." She jabs.

Is that gonna be her new nickname for me? "Well, I wouldn't want Nancy here to get written up on her first day." I retort.

"No, we definitely wouldn't want that." Vivian continues. "But since you two are here early I'm gonna give you your office supplies and your and your cubicle assignments before everyone else." She tells us.

"I thought Jeremy and Monisha would have received that honor."

"I haven't seen em' since I told them about the vending machines in the break room."

Guess he had enough money to get a candy bar to go with his leftover lunch. "So we get dibs on the cubicles of our choice?" Nancy asks.

"No, but since you're here first, I'll give you the best spots in The Pit."

Vivian walks us over to a tall cabinet in the corner of the room and opens it up. Inside are stacks of office supplies with the Amalgamated Consolidated logo on them. She hands Nancy and I an Amalgamated Consolidated company manual, a shrink-wrapped package of notepads, memo pads, a stapler, staples and a box of pens. "Wow, even the office supplies are pre-packaged together." Nancy says.

"Yeah, they really don't need you to think around here." Vivian says presenting us with a clipboard. "Sign here and I'll assign you your cubicle."

We quickly sign our names to the list saying we got our office supplies. Anticipation builds as we wait to hear where we're going to be assigned in The Pit. "Crowley, you get cubicle 3430 and Ribisi, you get cubicle 3429. That's on the farthest edge of The Pit in the back."

"So are we gonna learn what a claim is?" Nancy says.

Vivian grimaces at Nancy. "Since we're having some technical issues, your lunch break is being extended until later in the afternoon."

I flash her a smile after hearing about the technical issues. "George having a hard time finding the videotape that teaches us how to do Claims?" I jab.

Vivian smiles back at me. "He's tearing up a closet in his office looking for it."

I chuckle as I lead Nancy down the hall into the bowels of The Pit. As we walk through the maze of cubicles, I start searching for the numbers above the names on the side of the cubicle walls. I find ours all the way in the back corner of the office space. Wow, these are the best spots in the office. Right next to a window and far, far away from the boss.

While Nancy goes to look at her cubicle, I drop my office supplies on my desk, hang up my coat and hat, fall into my office chair and take in the space of my new cubicle. The stark white florescent-lit office space is filled with a white Formica topped steel desk, a Mac desktop computer, a telephone, a coat hook, an inbox, and an extra chair next to the desk. With everything so bland, I'm definitely going to have to bring some of my spooky décor from home to make this spot a bit more me.

Since we've got some time before George wants us back in the conference room, I think I'll find out what everyone in the scene is saying about Mad Matilda. I click on the Safari icon, log into AOL.com and head to into the NYCGoths LiveJournal. After the page loads, I find several conversations going on about me. Reading through the threads, I become intrigued looking at some of the titles posted on the board. One says: _Mad Matilda Where Are You?_ Another says: _Who Put the Bite On Mad Matilda After VampJam?_ And a third says: _I saw Mad Matilda at the Woodlawn Cemetery_.

Just as I'm about to click on one of the links to read the thread, Nancy strolls into my cubicle. "Reading fan mail?" She inquires.

"Yeah," I say turning away from my computer. "I had no idea there were so many rumors about my abrupt departure from the scene."

"So they believe aliens abducted you?"

I look down at the screen and find that's actually one of the thread titles on the board. "Some people probably think I'm partying with the Martians right now."

"Goths in space. That sounds like fun."

I think she'd have fun at a Goth club. "Yeah, me getting down with the little green men and women."

Maybe you should make that appearance at that club."

"I make that appearance at the club, and I'll be living with you and your roommates-"

Before I can finish what I'm saying the intercom beeps. I grab my phone and pick it up. "Yes Vivian?" I greet.

"Matilda, I need you and Nancy to come back to the conference room." Vivian barks.

Looks like our extended break is over. "George found the videotape?" I jab.

"It was in his bottom desk drawer where he always keeps it." Vivian retorts.

I hang up the phone and smile at Nancy. "Back to work."

"Guess we were having too much fun."

"That's what people used to say at my raves when the party was over."

"You know, I'd love to see what Mad Matilda looked like."

While I don't do raves anymore I can definitely do a favor for my newest fan. "I think I can show you how I used to rock it at the raves tomorrow."
CHAPTER 82

After George showed us the video about Claims, he taught us the ins and outs of the Claims forms and how to process them with ClaimsStat, our database. Now that' I've learned the process on a mock program on the computer in my cubicle, I think I'm ready to start processing them tomorrow.

I'm going through the Claims test program again when I catch the time at the top of the screen on my computer monitor. 4:55. Looks like my first day of work is just about over. And according to the work rules written in the official Amalgamated Consolidated manual, I can use that last fifteen minutes of the day to get ready to leave.

Just as I'm about to get out of my chair, Nancy rushes into my cubicle with a smile on her face. "Hey Matilda, you doing anything tonight?"

Until I get paid I'll be spending my nights at home. "I was gonna read more of the posts about me in the Goth boards."

Nancy reaches into her coat pocket and hands me a note. "Well, when you get tired of reading fan mail you can give me a call."

I wouldn't mind talking to her tonight. After taking her number, I grab the tiny pad off my desk and write my phone number on it. "Here's my number. I say handing her the paper.

Nancy smiles as she reads my number. "Great, I'll call you tonight."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow."

Nancy files out of my cubicle and I slide out of my chair and grab my hat and coat off the hook. After I put them on, I log out of the ClaimStat database and head out of my cubicle. As I step out into the hallway I see most of my co-workers herding towards the elevators. Since it's gonna be a minute before the crowds clear from the elevator banks, I'll see if my lipstick needs a touch-up before I take that ride back uptown.

I head out of the maze of cubicles and make a right. After I pass by the break room, I make another left and find the ladies room. I push past the heavy wooden door and head over to the mirrors above the sink. Just as I'm giving my reflection a glance, the door opens. Monisha points daggers at me as she storms over to the sink next to me. "What's happening Sista?" She snarls.

"Sista?" I inquire curiously.

Monisha's hands clench into fists as she scowls at me. "Yeah, Sista. I know what you trying to do."

What's her problem? "...And what exactly am I trying to do?"

"You think you hiding behind that White makeup." Monisha snarls. "Well let me tell you something I see right through you Black woman."

God, not this shit. "Dude, this isn't makeup." I say holding my hand up to my face. "It's my skin-"

"Yeah, it's your skin. But you ain't proud of it."

"How do you know what I'm proud of?"

"No matter how much you try to pass, you ain't White."

My hands clench into fists on the insinuation. "I know what color I am-"

"If you know what color you are, then why was you all up in the face of all those White folks?"

I wasn't talking to them. They were talking to me. "I wasn't in the face of anyone-"

"You wasn't trying to talk to nobody Black today-"

If she wasn't so busy being angry at me she'd notice we were the only two Black people in the room. "You know you could have introduced yourself to me-"

Monisha peers down at my ID card then stares me dead in my eyes. Well, now I'm letting you know who I am right now Matilda. I'm Monisha Williams. And I'ma be watching you."

With her message sent Monisha storms out of the bathroom. I count to ten to calm myself. Just when I thought I was gonna go nowhere on this job I wind up right back on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell.
CHAPTER 83

I take deep breaths to stifle the anxieties welling up inside me as I shuffle out of the bathroom. I said it'd kill me if I wound back up on the path of the Tragic Mulatto. And here I am again.

I'd love to just quit and make this my last day at Amalgamated Consolidated. But if I do that, Mom and Dad would definitely kick me out of the house. So in order to keep a roof over my head and money in my pocket, the only thing I can do is go back home with my tail between my legs and lick the wounds on my ego as I take the train ride home.
CHAPTER 84

The time on the clock on the radio in the kitchen reads 5:55. Mattie should be coming home any minute now. I can't wait to hear how her first day of work went. I wanted to meet her in the lobby to find out what her first day was like, but I felt it would be better to give her some space. So I left a little early to prepare a special dinner to celebrate the start of her first real job.

I'm getting the last piece of fish out of the frying pan when I hear the front door open in the living room. I shut off the stove and dart out of the kitchen anticipating Mattie's return. When I catch the grim look on her face I greet her with a smile. "Hey Mattie, how was your first day of work?" I inquire.

"Sucktacular." Mattie sighs taking her hat and coat off.

She'll get used to it. "That's the job." I say.

"Are you kidding?" Mattie rants storming into the living room. "Claims is like the Special Ed of jobs. I haven't been in a job that retarded since I was a hall monitor in grade school."

"Don't worry about the job." Jason says easing up off the sofa. "Worry about the money."

"That's all I'm trying to think about. But with the cast of characters in The Pit it's easy to get distracted." Mattie rants. "Is George really that stupid?"

Sounds like something happened. "What'd he do?"

"He said he thought I should have been blacker."

That sounds just like something George would say. "George is kind of slow. So you've got to overlook him."

"Yeah, if I had said what I wanted to him I'd probably be looking for another job."

"Good thing you bit your tongue." Jason says. "That's how you keep a job."

"I wish I had said something to that bitch Monisha." Mattie pouts as her hands clench into fists.

"What happened?" Dad asks.

"She decided to call me out on being mixed at the end of the day."

God, not this shit again. "And now you want to quit."

Mattie's face twists into a scowl. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Probably took you back to when you were a kid." Jason says.

"I felt like I was back in high school-"

"And now you're gonna quit a $40,000 a year job because some heifer got in your face-"

Mattie points daggers back at me. "I didn't say I was going anywhere Mom-"

"That's what it sounds like to me-"

"See, this is why I wanted to stay in the subculture-"

My hands clench into fists hearing her mention that place. "I knew it! I knew you were looking for an excuse to go back there!"

"Mom, I'm not making an excuse-"

"Then why are you so hellbent on going back there?"

"Because I don't have to deal with that lightskin darkskin bullshit over there!"

"Look, you're not a kid anymore Mattie. You just can't up and run back to your little black security blanket when someone starts with you at work-"

"Then how do I get off the Yellow Brick Road to Hell?"

"By understanding that Yellow Brick Road is in your head."

"How is it in my head? These Black bitches are always starting with me-"

"Just because they start with you doesn't mean you don't have to get back into it with them-"

"I'm not trying to get back into it with them-"

"It looks that way to me-"

Tears well up in Mattie's eyes. "You're making this look like it's my fault! It's not my fault!"

"Mattie-"

"I told you this was gonna happen! And you didn't listen to me!"

"Mattie-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
CHAPTER 85

I rush up the stairs into my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I fall on the bed and let it all out in tears as the words Mom said to me cut me to the core of my soul. I'm not using Goth as some sort of big black security blanket. I wanted things to work out. It's just every time I go back into the Norm World I wind up back on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell.

Now that I'm back on this path again, the question is what do I do now? Kill myself? Call it a life? Slit my wrists over a bad day, unsupportive parents, and my greatest fears come to life? I'd like to think this Lady is made of tougher stuff than that. If I could get through getting arrested and getting dumped, dealing a shitty day like this should be a piece of cake.

Since I'm not gonna give into my melancholy thoughts, I think I'll go find out what's the story behind Mad Matilda's legend. I kick off my shoes, head over to my desk, and grab my oxblood leather nailhead chair from behind it. After I flop into it, I boot up my computer and click on the America Online icon on my computer screen. Once the modem connects, and the AOL homepage loads, I log into the NYCGoths LiveJournal. Maybe reading a few posts regarding Mad Matilda's mysterious legend will get me out of the rotten mood I'm in.

I scroll down the screen reading the threads on the NYCGoths LiveJournal on AOL. And I'm surprised to see all the chatter regarding Mad Matilda's disappearance from the Goth scene. Some of the kids are saying that the reason why I disappeared was because I moved away. Others speculate that I had a baby. A few say I went to jail. A handful even say I died. One even says that the cops shot me and threw me in the Hudson River.

I'd love to take Darius up on his offer and return to the subculture as Mad Matilda. But if I did that I'd be doing what Mom thinks I'm doing, using Goth as a big black security blanket to hide under. If I'm going to be that positive example of what Goth is at work I've got to find a way off this Yellow Brick Road to Hell I wound up back on.
CHAPTER 86

After Mattie rushes up the stairs crying, I shake my head. I don't know how she wound up back on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell, but I've got to get her back off it.

I didn't mean to be so hard on Mattie, but it just set me off when she said that she wished she could have stayed in the subculture. I hate to admit it but I'm still mad at Mad Matilda.

Jason eases off the sofa and gives me an earnest look as he approaches me. "You okay?"

About as good as anyone would be who just had karma kick her in the ass. "Yeah."

"Looks like it's like mother, like daughter."

And somewhere in Heaven Momma is having a good laugh at my expense right about now. "I'll admit I put my foot in my mouth that time." I sigh.

"Yeah, you did." Jason comforts.

I give my husband a look on the statement. "I guess I'm not gonna get any sympathy from you-"

"Not unless you want some help getting the shoe out of your throat."

"You gonna give me a Heimlich?"

"You know being mixed has always been a sore spot for Mattie." Jason continues. "And she told us she was scared of this happening."

And now that it has happened she's gone back to acting like she did when she was sixteen. "Still, it's not a reason to quit a good job-"

Jason smiles at me. "She didn't say she was quitting."

"I know she wants to go back to doing those raves-"

"Hold on. She didn't say that either."

"Then why was she so upset?"

"Because you didn't listen to her."

He's right. The minute I heard her start talking about being called out at work I just lost it. "Mattie had a rough day." Jason continues. "And she was looking to get some comfort from us."

"And instead of a giving her the hug she needed I punched her in the face." I sigh. "God, I thought parenting would get a lot easier when the kids got older-"

"It's only hard when you don't want to admit things about yourself."

"I'm still mad at Mad Matilda."

Jason smiles at me. "See, that's not so hard."

That's probably why I got so angry. I'm afraid of her coming back into Mattie's life. "I just don't want to see her mess up her life-"

"Yeah, but it's her life."

"I just know she wants to go back to those raves-"

"You think she might give into temptation if she got a chance to go back?"

I'd just hate to see her go back to that life after she almost lost everything due to it. "I just want to know what those raves meant to her? Why did she believe she had to hide that part of herself from us?"

"You won't know until you ask her."

I guess I won't. I head towards the staircase to get all the answers to the questions I was afraid to ask. "You coming with me?"

"Nah, you got this." Jason says flopping back onto the sofa.

He does have a point. This is between us. "You know you're wrong."

Jason smiles back at me. "If there's a dead body up there you can give me a call."
CHAPTER 87

Jason grabs a magazine off the coffee table as I march up the stairs. My heart pounds in my chest imagining what horrors are behind the blackened door of the _Crypt De Crowley_. With the way Mattie was upset about things a few minutes ago she may have slit her wrists. I'm hoping I'm not going to see a dead body in that makeshift mausoleum.

I say a prayer before I rapp my knuckles above the _Crypt De Crowley_ sign. "Mattie?" Mattie are you all right in there?" I call out.

"I'm alive Mom." Mattie retorts back.

I let out a sigh of relief when I hear Mattie's footsteps rushing towards the door. When it creaks open I'm greeted by my daughter dressed in wilted work clothes with streaks of eyeliner running down her face. It looks like she had a good cry. I give her a hug hoping it'll make her feel better. "Thank God. I thought you'd killed yourself."

Mattie flashes me a smile as she breaks the embrace. "I thought about it, but I changed my mind."

"You changed your mind?"

"It just seems trivial to kill myself over a bad day." Mattie sighs shuffling into her room. "Besides, if I die, Monisha still collects a paycheck and I never get to do what I set out to accomplish."

Looks like she's really serious about being that professional Goth. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry I had a shitty day or sorry about how you treated me a few minutes ago?"

From the scowl on her face I have a feeling she's starting to see me just like the other Black bitches who started with her when she was a kid. I'm hoping I can change her perceptions of me. "Both. But I'm more sorry about the way I treated you when you came in."

"Apology accepted."

Mattie telegraphs a look to me that tells me she wants me to leave. I have a feeling if she closes the door to this crypt I'm gonna wind up shut out of her life for good. I've got to keep the connection open between us. "How did Monisha start with you?" I ask.

"You actually want to hear about my shitty day?"

"If you feel like talking about it."

Mattie grabs the nailhead chair from behind her desk. I follow her into the Victorian styled bedroom and have a seat at the foot of her bed. As she falls into the leather seat and twirls it around to meet my eyes, her hands clench into fists as she recalls how Monisha put her back on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell. "I was in the bathroom fixing my makeup before I was about to leave work. Then Monisha comes in and decides she's gonna call me out all because George and Vivian talked to me during training and because I had lunch with Nancy."

"Who's Nancy?"

"A new girl I met at work."

Looked like she was having a good day until then. "So all the people at work who talked to you were White?"

"Yeah, and she decides to get in my face after work. Saying I'm trying to pass for White because I'm Goth-"

I walked down that road in 1968. "When all you're trying to do is get through a day."

Mattie gives me a curious look. "So you've been where I've been?"

I've been down that road and back ten times. "I got more grief from Black folks around here than anybody White who worked there." I continue. "Got called a handkerchief head and an Aunt Thomisina more than my own name just for having a downtown job."

"I guess it got worse when you married Dad."

Oh, if she were there for the razzing I got from the neighborhood Black Panthers when I stopped wearing my afro. "If you were only there for half the shit I went through back in the early 70s-"

"So you've had your own journeys on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell?"

"Yeah."

"So it's not all in my head-"

"It is all in your head." I say taking her hand.

"How can you say that? You had the same experience I had-"

"Yeah, I had the same experience. But I realized that I couldn't live to please people in the neighborhood."

"Yeah, but Monisha's giving me the same grief I got in school-"

"Mattie, who are you working for? You or them?"

"Me."

"If you're living life for you, then you shouldn't give a damn what Monisha thinks about you."

"But I'm not trying to pass-"

"I know that and you know that. So the only way you can wind back up on the Yellow Brick Road to Hell is if you imagine yourself there."

"So I should just keep walking down my own path at work?"

"You've been walking down that road for five years now. Don't let Monisha take you back down the same road Shantelle tried to force you down in high school."

"I just thought things would get different when I got older."

"Sadly a lot of Black people grow old, but they don't grow up." I comfort.

"And they want to drag you back down to their childish level."

"Yeah, she was probably jealous."

"Jealous of what?"

That you were getting all that attention from White people."

"That's crazy-"

"That's Black people." Mom replies. "They see you being the center of attention with White people and they want that attention for themselves. So they do things to try to push you out of the social circle."

"Make me into my own worst enemy."

"And then when you quit she could be the Token Negro in the office."

Mattie rolls her eyes on the prospect of having that social position. "She can have that friggin job. Like I need more pervs like Jeremy trying to talk to me-"

"So Nancy wasn't the only person you talked to?"

"I doubt you could call Jeremy a person." Mattie continues. "He decides the easiest way to break the ice with me is to ask me if I'm into kinky sex."

"You know that constitutes sexual harassment."

"You gonna suspend him?"

"Depends on you."

"I told him I don't shit where I eat."

"Looks like you're not looking a White boy's way."

Mattie smiles at me. "I already live with The White Man. And I know it's not all it's cracked up to be."
CHAPTER 88

I feel the tension between Mattie and I break after she cracks the joke about her father. While we share a laugh, I look over at the monitor of Mattie's computer. When I see Mad Matilda's name on the screen in the threads of the message board I become curious. I have to wonder if her pigtailed alter ego is making plans to resurface once she gets her first paycheck.

"Chatting with your friends?" I inquire.

Mattie looks over at the computer screen and grimaces. "I'm not hiding under a big black security blanket if that's what you think." Mattie replies.

"So you're not ranting about me online?"

I'm given a playful smile that tells me I wasn't the focus of her online conversations. "You wish. I'm just trying to find out if Mad Matilda still has the following Darius says I have."

Nice to know she's not that mad at me. "Darius?"

"He's the owner of The Hallows."

"The Hallows?"

"It's one of the top Goth Clubs in The City. And Darius told me that Mad Matilda still has a following."

It looks like she's getting ready to go back to raving. "You know where you're gonna go if you start that rave mess again-"

"Mom, this isn't raving. The Hallows is a legit club-"

"Didn't Mad Matilda get you in enough trouble last year?"

"He was offering me seven thousand dollars to do a show for one night-"

I become intrigued hearing about the money. "Why is he willing to pay you so much money?"

"A lot of kids in the scene are still talking about Mad Matilda. And Darius tells me they'd pay a lot of money to come to the club to find out what happened to her."

"Why would they care about Mad Matilda?"

"Because Mad Matilda was a huge draw in the Industrial Rave scene. She could fill a warehouse with three hundred kids on a Saturday night-"

"That doesn't seem like a lot-"

"It is in our scene. Most Goth clubs in The City don't get more than two hundred people on a Saturday night."

I guess that would be a lot of people considering the size of the subculture and the number of clubs in the city. "So what did you do at those clubs that makes you a draw?"

"I got the party started." Mattie gushes. "When I'd come out the evening would kick off and people would get memories they never forgot."

"So you were a hostess?"

"They used to call me the Downtown Julie Brown of the scene."

I had no idea she was so popular. "You built a following over at those raves?"

"I was so popular I was about to start working legit clubs when I got arrested."

I'm starting to understand why people would be asking questions. With her arrest last year, her departure from the scene was pretty abrupt. "And now people are wondering what happened to Mad Matilda."

"It's a question people in the scene have been wanting the answer to for over a year." Mattie continues.

I'm just afraid of what'll happen to Mattie if Mad Matilda comes back into her life. "And you want to answer that question."

"Darius wants to meet with me tomorrow at lunch to discuss my plans for making an appearance."

Normally I can read Mattie like a book. But I can't tell if she wants to go back to being her former alter ego by the indifferent expression on her face. "So you're just gonna put a period at the end of things?"

"I'm planning on telling him I've moved on. But I'd just like my friends in the scene to have closure so they could get on with their lives."

More like she wanted closure for herself. And I have a feeling that if she doesn't get that closure we'll always be haunted by Mad Matilda's ghost. "Why'd you have to hide the raves from us in the first place?"

"Er...Besides the fact that they were illegal-"

"Something had to keep you going out there besides the money."

The grim expression on Mattie's face changes into a wistful one as she reminisces about her time as Mad Matilda. "When I go out on that stage I'd be somebody. And when I'd run those shows I'd get respect from everyone in the scene."

"People would see a person, not a color."

"No one ever called Mad Matilda a zebra or a halfbreed in my four years of doing shows."

I'm starting to see why she liked doing those raves. She felt safe there. "They loved her."

"That's the way I felt."

With the cruel way people treated her in school and at work I guess she never got that outside of the house. "We loved you too."

"Is that why you beat the shit out of me?"

Now I'm starting to understand why she keeps her distance from me these days. She thinks I'm going to hurt her like all the other Black women she's interacted with. "I just thought you were trying to get attention for yourself-"

"I didn't initially go in trying to be the center of attention." Mattie says.

"You didn't?"

"Our first show was actually a bust until I went into a rant ripping the audience for being a bunch of lames. Then I tore off my shirt and jumped off the stage. When the kids caught me, the show got live."

I think I remember that night. That's when she came in at four in the morning with her jacket buttoned all the way up to the top. "Didn't we ground you that night?"

"You did. But I spent the next two weeks rolling around buck naked on the bed in the two thousand dollars I made."

I guess you would do something crazy like that if you made that much money at seventeen. "So there's more to your raves than just partying?"

Mattie smiles before she speaks. "Way more. While I did entertain the crowd with my stage jumps and stunts putting these parties together is a lot of work."

"I didn't think they were so much of a job-"

"It is when you're trying to keep a crowd hot."

"Hot?"

"When the crowd is happy, they buy more drinks. And after the show they tell their friends. And then they bring their friends to the next party."

"Which makes you more money."

"That's the business." Mattie continues. "Raves need to have the right DJs to keep people dancing, live entertainment to keep people excited, and beverages and water to keep people hydrated so they can enjoy the night. Not to mention a place to secure their gear and places to park their rides."

I'm starting to see how she made $25,000 over five years. "And you did all this in an abandoned warehouse?"

"Dad always says you can either be miserable with your company or you can make the best of a bad situation."

And it looks like she was really making things work out for herself. I'm starting to understand why she was so upset about things falling apart. She practically had an enterprise going. "It couldn't be safe having parties in an abandoned warehouse-"

"Safer than you thought." Mattie says. "The porters and the guards made sure things were clean and secure for our guests when we cut them in."

Seems like a lot of people made money when she had a rave. "I thought abandoned meant rundown- "

"Abandoned doesn't mean rundown." Mattie says shaking her head. "It just means that the owner just isn't using the property."

"Don't you think that was dangerous?"

"It's no danger when you pay the porters and the guards to look out for you."

Sounds like she had all the bases covered. If you're so good at party planning then why didn't you just go to the clubs?"

"Because I was underage-"

"So how did you wind up in the clubs every weekend in high school?"

Mattie gives me a sly smile. "Er...Fake ID."

I become shocked on hearing how she slipped by us. "You were Little Miss Sneaky in high school!"

An uneasy look falls on Mattie's face after revealing her secret. "It was the only way I could get into the club with Olivia-"

"Still you knew it was wrong-"

"Yeah, it was. But I just wanted to experience what a real club was like-"

"And you couldn't wait until you were 21?"

"Not really. With 18+ nights beings so few and far between at the clubs I felt like I was missing out."

From the sound of things, I don't think that fake ID got her in many places. "And since you couldn't experience the club scene you created your own."

"Something like that. A lot of the babybats were getting hassled by the elitists at Trepidation-"

"And you took advantage of the situation."

"I didn't want to see kids leave the scene."

"What's so important about babybats?"

"What's important about them?" Mattie gushes. "They're like an integral part to the business of the subculture."

"They're just kids-"

"Mom, they're not just kids. Without the babybat there's no future customer for the clubs."

"And without the kids you can't sell the music."

"That's the foundation of the subculture. The younger you get the kids, the longer they stay in the subculture."

"And your parties were a gateway for them to find the music."

Mattie nods her head. "At my parties kids used to have a safe place to learn about the subculture. They don't get jabbed about bad eyeliner, wearing the wrong clothes, or not being "Goth" enough."

"And you teach them things."

"Yeah the kids learn a lot of stuff between dances from me and the older Goths."

My daughter, the entrepreneur. "Sounds like you had things together-"

"Until last year." Mattie says shaking her head. "After getting arrested, I don't want to take those kinds of risks anymore."

"Is that why you're staying home all the time now?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay to take a risk Mattie." I say taking her hand. "You just have to count the cost of what you're going to lose before you go after what you gain."

"You just don't want me to quit my job."

"Yeah, it's a shit job, but at least you have money in your pocket."

"Mom, I'm not quitting my job-"

"I see that. Your father tells me you want to show people at the company what a positive example of a Goth is-"

"I can't do that if I quit my job."

Only a Goth could find the bright side of a dead-end job. "So you want to be a Corporate Goth?"

"Something like that." Mattie says. "They have us looking like a bunch of psychos on these talk shows. And I wanted to show everyone at work how we're just like everyone else."

That's what I'm learning tonight. "And how you have feelings like everyone else."

"Everyone seems to forget that."

Including me. "I guess I was too mad at Mad Matilda to think about how you felt about anything."

Is that why you seem to get so upset whenever I mention anything Goth these days?"

I didn't think she noticed. "I just thought you were gonna mess up your life being Mad Matilda."

"It's my life to mess up."

From the looks of things I think I was the one messing things up for her by trying to force her to be something that she wasn't. "So you're still gonna do that show?"

"I may or I may not. But I want that choice."

"Since the club is legit and you're a grown woman I can't tell you not to do it."

"But do I have a place to stay if I choose to do that show?"

Since she's gonna keep her job I don't have to worry about her being stuck on my sofa. "You have a place to stay until you get married."
CHAPTER 89

I start feeling like a ton of weight is taken off my shoulders hearing that my place to stay won't be put in jeopardy if I decide to make that appearance at The Hallows. And I feel even better hearing that Mom is finally behind me in whatever I want to do. While I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to do the show, I'm just happy to know that my life won't be upended if Mad Matilda decides to return to the club scene.

As the tension between us dissipates, Mom smiles at me. "Since you're going to be staying with us for the foreseeable future, we can discuss the terms of your tenancy." Mom says.

I give her a look. "I can't believe you're gonna make me pay rent-"

"If you stay here, you're gonna help out with the bills."

I guess the rent on the _Crypt De Crowley_ would be a whole lot cheaper than a deposit on an apartment. Plus I have the advantage of already being on amicable terms with the neighbors. "Man, I don't even have my first paycheck and you're coming for my loot-"

"Hey, paying bills is just part of being an adult."

"You guys just enjoy kicking me in the ass-"

"Better than we kick your ass than life does it."

The shoes they use are a lot softer than the ones I've experienced over the last year. I lean back in my chair and cross my ankles as I find out how much of my paycheck will be going to pay for the _Crypt De Crowley_. "So when do you want your first and last month's rent?" I ask.

Mom flashes her a smile. "We'll just add it to your bill."

I give her a look back. "Am I ever gonna get out of the hole with you guys?"

"You were out of debt with us once you finished your community service."

So they were just making me sweat the last few months. "And I probably blew through the rest of my Mad Money working around here."

"You reaped what you sowed Little Miss Sneaky."

I guess I did. "Yeah, and now all my ill gotten gains have taken wings."

"I'm hoping you've learned a lesson about being dishonest."

I'm gonna be up front about things from here on in. "That's why there's not gonna be any more schemes from me."

"Since you've worked so hard to get yourself together your father and I are gonna give you three months to get your money right."

I think I can put enough money in the bank to start rebuilding my savings if I keep it frugal for the next 90 days. "I'm sorry for being a rotten daughter."

"Yeah, you were pretty rotten."

I give my mother a look. "I'm not gonna any sympathy from you."

"Not after all you put me through."

"What did I put you through?

"Girl, you disrupting my flow." I say. "Your father and I were supposed to be on a beach right about now-"

"And now you can go to one with all the money you took from me-"

"Maybe your father and I will take a vacation this summer if you can show us you can keep this job. I saw this black bikini in a Saks catalog that would look good on me-"

My eyes grow wide on hearing about my mother's choice of swimwear. "Er...Aren't you a little too old for a bikini?"

Mom jumps off the bed and poses her slender body in front of me. "Girl, I look good for my age. I can still rock a bikini-"

"But you're fifty-"

Mom gives me a sly smile. "I'm not fifty. I'm fifty-two."

And she looks like she's thirty. If I look half as good as she does at her age I think I'll be buying a bikini myself in thirty years. "I'm sorry for cramping your style."

"You're not really cramping my style."

"But I thought I was disrupting your flow-"

"Yeah, I had my plans. But nothing makes a mother feel young like having one of her kids around."

I guess God was working things out for her too. I ease up out of my chair and give her a hug. "I'm gonna try to do better from here on in."

"And I'll try to be a little more understanding."

Just as I'm about to say something the phone rings. I guess AOL got disconnected. I break the embrace with my mother, grab the phone off the desk and cock it to my ear. "Crowley residence."

"Hey Mattie, what's up?" Olivia greets.

I light up hearing the voice of my best friend. "What's up Lady D?"

I smile at Mom as she heads for the door. "You coming down for dinner tonight?"

"I'll be down in a couple of minutes."
CHAPTER 90

After Mom slinks out of my bedroom to head downstairs, I find out what's going on with Lady Diabolique. "So how's the world of academia been treating you?" I ask.

"It's kicking my ass." Olivia says. "But I'm loving it. I just wanted to see how your first day of work went."

"Shittacular. I got called out at the job for passing by a co-worker and then I got in a fight with my Mom."

"Damn, you just can't catch a break-"

"Don't worry, I worked things out with Mom."

"And what about work?"

"I may just have to check a bitch."

"Well, I thought we'd celebrate your entry into the corporate world with a latte at Trepidation this weekend."

That was my favorite place to go until it became a shithole. "Dude, you know that's become an elitist spot-"

"With all the essays I have to grade this weekend I can't make it to a real club-"

With a teacher's schedule I guess I'm lucky she can has the time to go to an elitist hangout like Trepidation. "I guess I can afford it-"

"Don't worry, I'll float you on a latte until your first paycheck."

"Cool."

"Great. I'll meet you down there at eight."

I smile after getting off the phone with Olivia. Looks like I'll finally be going out for the first time in a year.
CHAPTER 91

Okay, that wasn't as horrific as I expected it to be.

I stroll out of the _Crypt De Crowley_ thanking God that I came out of there in one piece. And thanking Him again that I finally was able to reconcile with Mattie. After we worked things out I feel like a great weight was taken off me. Maybe we can finally start getting close again.

On seeing me come down the stairs Jason clicks off the big screen TV eases up off the sofa. When he sees me step into the living room he smiles at me. "Looks like you survived the horrors of the _Crypt De Crowley_." Jason jabs.

"Very funny." I retort.

"Now you know there's nothing to be afraid of up there."

"I was just scared that Mattie was going to ruin her life with her parties."

"From what I saw in her books she had things on track."

From what I've learned about them she could easily make a career of it. "That's what I see now."

"I'd let her know she can do that show if that helps her move on."

I know he'd give her his blessing. But since this is my mess I needed to clean it up. "I let her know it's okay for her to do the show if she wants."

Jason smiles at me. "You think Mad Matilda is coming back?"

"We'll just have to see if she returns."
CHAPTER 92

With my weekend plans set, I spring out of my chair to head downstairs for dinner. Just as I'm about to approach the door the phone rings again. I hurry back to my desk to answer the call. "Crowley Residence." I say cocking it to my ear.

"May I speak to Matilda?" Nancy asks.

I smile on hearing my new friend's voice over the phone. "Hey Nancy, back home from your workout?" I ask.

"Yeah. I did some yoga today then I hit the free weights."

"Yoga?"

"Yeah, it really clears your mind and helps you de-stress."

"I could definitely use some of that with all I'm dealing with."

"I know. That's why I wanted you to come with me tonight. But you're busy reading fan mail."

Maybe I'll join her next time. "I guess you learned how to read people working at Bennigan's-"

"That's how I avoid getting attacked by drunk customers in the parking lot after work."

Man, she must have some kind of survival skills. "My fans are telling all sorts of stories about me."

"They still think you're with the Martians?"

I look over at the screen of my computer and laugh as I read through the post speculating about me dancing in my platforms with the little green men. "Some of them think I'm in an outer space club right now."

"So are you gonna let them know you're alive? Or are you gonna stay a ghost?"

"I think I'll just drop them a note to let them know I'm still in the land of the living."
CHAPTER 93

After I get off the phone with Nancy, I log back into AOL. Then I refresh the page for the NYCGoths LiveJournal and log in again. Since there's so much chatter about me, I think I'll give them something to talk about. I type up a quick message and post it to the board.

MaDMaTilDa_73:

I'm not dead! Just been going through some personal stuff last year. Now that things are getting better I'm hoping to make an appearance somewhere soon!

Once I post the teaser, I log out of AOL and hurry out of my bedroom to go have dinner. Let's see how hot the buzz gets by tomorrow morning.
CHAPTER 94

I'm about to take the fish off the table to put it in the fridge when Mattie saunters through the swinging door in her house clothes with a smile on her face. Whatever she talked about with Olivia for the past half-hour must have put her back in a good mood. "I almost thought you weren't coming down for dinner." I say.

"I kind of got caught up talking to Olivia and Nancy." Mattie says easing into her seat at the kitchen table.

From the looks of things she's going back to being a social butterfly again. Maybe she'll let me be part of her circle of friends. "Speaking of getting caught up, I was wondering if you wanted to start riding to work with me."

Mattie smiles at me as she takes a whiting off the table and puts it on her plate. "You planning on teaching me more about the workplace pitfalls on the way there?"

I'd like to think I could teach her a thing or two about dealing with people like Monisha. "We could talk about that on the way if you want to."

"Sure. I'll meet you outside the ol' mausoleum door tomorrow morning."

"So what were you talking about with your friends? Jason asks.

"Just making plans for Saturday night." Mattie replies taking a piece of corn bread off the platter.

My curiosity becomes piqued on hearing that she's actually got plans for this weekend. "Do these plans include a night at the club?"

"Just coffee at Trepidation. But things can change."

Looks like Jason was right about her taking some time to get herself together. "You're going out this weekend?"

"Yeah, Olivia wants to celebrate my entry into the world of work. So we're gonna meet for coffee."

I smile on hearing about her returning to the land of the living. "So The Black Widow is gonna be spinning her webs again?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way back."
CHAPTER 95

I look over at the picture of my mugshot on the vanity as I fasten my spiked collar around my neck. I know the company policy says we can wear whatever we want, but I hope I'm not pushing any boundaries today as it relates to the Amalgamated Consolidated dress code. While I wanted to show Nancy how Mad Matilda rocked it at her raves, the last thing I want to do is get in trouble my second day on the job.

Outside of the drama I was having with Monisha, I was making some pretty decent connections with Nancy and even with Vivian to a point. With the way things are going, maybe I can start heading off the Yellow Brick Road to Hell and start setting a path for my career.

I finally see a light at the end of this dark tunnel, all I have to do is not do be my own worst enemy and do something stupid to derail myself.
CHAPTER 96

I catch the time on my watch as I finishing tying the bow on my silk blouse. 7:45, I don't have much time before we have to catch our train. I dart out of the bathroom and down the hall to the dark door of the _Crypt De Crowley_. "Mattie, you ready to ride to work with me?" I ask rapping my knuckles on the door.

I hear footsteps rushing towards the door. When it creaks open I'm greeted by a pigtailed Mattie dressed in the blue tartan skirt and white blouse of her St. Angela's uniform accessorized with ripped fishnet tights, a spiked collar, spiked cuff bracelets, and a pair of platform boots. I wonder what kind of statement she's trying to make with this outfit. "Yeah, I'm ready." She replies.

"What's with the old uniform?"

Mattie's ebony lips smile at me. "Since work is like school, I figure I'll dress like school."

Even though she's wearing the pigtails I don't think Mad Matilda is back. From the dark spark in her brown eyes I think I'm talking plain old Mattie. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me get my jacket."
CHAPTER 97

I feel everyone's eyes on me as I stare at my reflection in the window of the A train we're riding on. No, you don't have to tell me. I know I look ridiculous. A year ago I'd have been proud to wear these pigtails. Now I can't wait to get them off my head.

A White woman in a business suit standing next to our seats gives me a curious look as the A train bolts past the 72nd Street station. "Excuse me, does your mother let you leave the house like that?"

Mom smiles as she looks up at her. "Yeah, I let my daughter leave the house like that."

The woman gives Mom a quizzed look. "You're her mother?" the woman says.

"I am."

"I thought you were her sister-"

"You have a problem with the way my daughter is dressed?"

"N-No."

On learning about our parental lineage the woman turns away from us. I meet my mother's proud smile with a curious look of my own. "Thanks Mom."

"You're welcome. The only person who's gonna check you is me."

And with the way she checks me I know I better act right. "You gonna order that bikini at lunch today?"

Mom smiles at me. "If I look young enough to pass for your sister I think I can get away with it." Mom says.

"I just hope you don't embarrass yourself on the beach."

"I couldn't draw any more attention to myself than you have on this train."

I look over at the men and women dressed in suits and ties staring at me and frown. This definitely isn't the kind of attention I'm eager to get anymore. Once lunch is over, I'm taking my hair out of these pigtails. "Nancy wanted to see what I looked like when I was raving." I say. And since I'm meeting with Darius, I wanted him to know that Mad Matilda can be ready to work at a moment's notice."

"So you're not trying to get into it with people at work by dressing in a school uniform?"

This outfit was kind of meant to be a sarcastic jab at the juvenile behavior in the office, but I wasn't looking for trouble. "I'm not getting into it with Monisha-"

"Good. Cause you know what's gonna happen to you if you get sent to my office."

"You're gonna beat my ass again-"

"No, you're gonna be the first person to ever get fired at Amalgamated Consolidated."

I huff a sigh on hearing the threat. "God, I don't know who rides me harder, you or Dad-"

"If I didn't ride you, you wouldn't be aware of when you were about to do something stupid."

I have a picture at home to remind me of that. But listening to her makes me think twice before I interact with the menagerie of morons in The Pit. "I'm not looking for any trouble-"

"Just watch yourself today."

I'm just gonna do my job and mind my business. "I'll keep my eyes open."
CHAPTER 98

I'm filled with anticipation riding the elevator up to the 17th floor. I can't wait to see what the kids are saying about Mad Matilda. Is she still the queen of the rave scene? And is there a possibility of me taking back my crown?

After the elevator opens on the 17th floor I tell Mom I'll see her later and make my way off the car into the reception area of The Pit. I follow the herd of co-workers down the hall into the maze of cubicles. When I get into mine, I hang up my jacket and fall into my chair. Once I log into my computer, I click on ClaimStat and Safari. As I look over the stack of claims in my inbox, I head over to the NYCGoths LiveJournal. My heart pounds in my chest and I scroll down the threads to find the one I posted. When I see over two hundred responses posted on the board I'm surprised. Looks like I've still got a following.

While I'm in the middle of reading all the chatter surrounding my teaser, Nancy walks into my cubicle. On seeing me dressed in my rave gear, the willowy blonde dressed in a pink cardigan, khaki capris, and burgundy loafers lights up with a smile. "...And The Legendary Mad Matilda graces the Pit with a special guest appearance." She teases.

"Yeah, this is how I used to dress when I'd host a rave." I say jumping out of my chair to model for her.

"You have to be really bold. I haven't worn pigtails since I was eight."

That's it, I've got to get this stupid hairstyle off my head. "A lot of girls wear this hairstyle in the subculture."

"I don't think I'd be that daring. What is this apocalyptic schoolgirl?"

This outfit could have actually passed for that at one of my shows. "That's what they'd probably call this in the scene."

"I definitely have to get a picture of those Frankenboots."

Nancy rushes into her cubicle. When she returns she has her camera with her. "So where do you want me?" I ask posing for her.

"Just sit like you would if you actually cared about working here."

I fall into my chair, twirl around, cross my legs and give her a big smile. When the flashbulb explodes in my eyes I catch the smile on her face. "You've got to get me a copy of that photo." I tell her.

"Don't worry, I'll hook you up." Nancy says taking another shot. "I'll probably have these pictures ready when we go to the gym next week."

She must really like me to want to set up a playdate so soon. "Next week?"

"You definitely need a change of scene." Nancy continues. "You looked like you're gonna have a coronary yesterday-"

I have been pretty anxious over the last year. "I'm just afraid of screwing up-"

"Hey, our lives are already fucked up. That's why we're working here."

"It'd be a lot more fucked up if I didn't."

Nancy gives me an earnest look. "You really need to relax Matilda. Take a break from all the craziness of this job and your family."

And I definitely could use a place away from the craziness of the subculture too. "I don't think I can do that until I get my life right-"

"I know you like spooky things, but if you keep going on this course you're gonna wind up taking that break in a casket."

I wouldn't want to wait until I got to Heaven to finally start enjoying life. "And what would be relaxing about going to the gym?"

"It's a place that isn't work or your house. A quiet space where you can sweat, look like shit, and just focus on just having fun."

It would be nice to go somewhere and just hang out again. "How would we have fun?"

"Probably do a little yoga to start. Then we'd move into rock climbing and free weights-"

What about dance?"

"We've got that class where I am. Besides, after a couple of months in the gym you'll get you some abs like this."

Nancy lifts up her sweater and I gasp at the sight of the cuts in her six-pack. "Oh shit-"

"That's what you can look like when you get your body and your mind right." Nancy says pulling down her sweater.

"I used to be toned with all the dancing I did in platforms, but I was never cut like that-"

"Well, you could start working towards getting back into shape."

A night at the gym beats sitting in front of Must See TV with a pan of brownies and ice cream. "Maybe you could show me some things at your gym next week."
CHAPTER 99

I'm in the middle of processing my last claim when I hear a beep on the intercom. "Matilda Crowley." I greet.

"Matilda, could you come into my office?" George requests.

I ease up out of my seat and rush down the hall to the series of offices on the far side of the building. When I see George Clinton, Director of Claims on the plastic woodgrain sign next to one of the doors, I file into the open door of the office. "You wanted to see me?" I ask.

George grimaces at me as he peers up from the papers on his desk. "That outfit is a bit much don't you think?"

Crap, I knew I was going too far. "I was told I could wear what I wanted-"

"I'm just sayin, you're really pushing the boundaries of the dress code around here with that look."

My eyes fall into the Berber carpet after hearing the admonishment. "I'll try to buy some more appropriate clothes when I get my first paycheck."

"Yeah, you do that. But what I really wanted to talk to you about right now were all these claims you're processing."

I followed his instructions to the letter. "Are they done wrong?"

"They're all done okay, but you're processing way too many."

I give him a quizzed look. I thought I was supposed to work hard. "Too many?"

"You're working too hard." George continues. "With the way you're processing these claims, it's making my veteran employees look bad."

"I guess I'll slow down."

"Just take it easy. I don't want people upstairs like your mom thinking we're machines down here."

"Machine? Dude, I only did a hundred claims this morning-"

"A hundred claims should last you two weeks."

Only for retards who ride the small yellow bus like Jeremy. But if he wants me to slow down, I'll throttle down my throughput. "I guess I'll find something else to do for the rest of the week then."

"Yeah, you can go play some solitaire on the computer, play some CDs, or go look at some stuff on the web, or read a book. It ain't that serious around here."

"Okay."

"Vivian is gonna be doing one of her seminars in the conference room this afternoon. You can go kill some time in there."

George peers up at me awkwardly before he dismisses me. Why don't you go take lunch?"

"Okay."
CHAPTER 100

I file out of George's office befuddled about what just happened a few minutes ago. I didn't know you could actually get into trouble for working too hard. But at this company that's actually possible.

I catch the time on my watch as I approach my cubicle. 11:43, According to the rules around here, I can actually go on lunch. So maybe I'll just go see what Darius has planned for Mad Matilda's future.
CHAPTER 101

I rush down 57th Street on pins and needles. This meeting with Darius could be my second chance at a big break. If things work out I could be back on my way to jumping off the stage of the biggest Goth Club in New York City.

I hear the snickers of people as I glance at my reflection in the picture windows of stores in Columbus Circle. If Mad Matilda does come back to the club scene a lot is going to change. These platform boots and pigtails are definitely not going to be part of my stage persona anymore. While I love the short skirts of the Industrial looks I wore at my raves, I'd love to bring back some of The Black Widow's elegance and sophistication back to my club look. Maybe when I return to the stage I'll try something in the vein of the Kindergoth look like Switchblade Symphony wears in their videos or something more traditional like what Patricia Morrison wears onstage.

As I approach window of the pizza shop I see Darius sitting at the table in the center of the room with a cup of coffee. I must be a big deal to him for him to wait for me. I push past the tall glass door of the pizzeria and make a beeline for his table. The bald headed caramel colored man in a tailored double-breasted suit smiles as he peers up at me. "Hey Darius what's up?" I ask.

Darius peers up at me and smiles. "Hey Matilda. I see you're dressed for the occasion."

"Just wanted you to know that I can be ready for a show at a moment's notice."

"Great. Why don't you have a seat?"

I pull out the chair across from him ease into it. As I meet the eager expression on his face, I let him know how big my following still is. "I dropped a teaser on the NYCGoths LiveJournal on AOL. Two hundred hits by this morning."

Darius smiles on hearing about my ability to draw. "I saw that. There's three hundred more speculating where you'll appear."

Wow, another 300 hits in a couple of hours. Looks like the buzz is really building. "Did you say anything?"

"Not until I had something official." Darius replies. "With all the buzz revolving around your return I'm definitely gonna have to offer more than the standard rate I pay for live entertainment."

"How much would you be willing to pay for Mad Matilda to come to The Hallows?"

"I'm prepared to offer you ten thousand dollars to go crazy at my club next Saturday."

Wow, I was only expecting him to offer me a weeknight spot. If he wants me to appear on a weekend, he must think I'm gonna draw huge. "I don't know-"

"What are you worried about?"

"I've only had this job for two days-"

Darius smiles at me. "There's no risk. You can go back to your nine-to-five on Monday morning with ten grand in your pocket and your bosses won't be any wiser."

And with me free for the next two weeks, I could call out sick, sleep all Monday and come back to work Tuesday ready to tackle all the new claims at a snail's pace as I planned my next show. "I'm not worried about my bosses. I'm just worried about my future in the scene."

"Matilda, you got a good buzz going." Darius says. "The opportunity to capitalize on it is right now."

It's the opportunity of a lifetime. But I wouldn't want to be a one-night wonder. "Would there be the possibility of me doing other shows at The Hallows after this one?"

"If this one draws a crowd as big as the heat you're getting online I could see us booking you again in the future. Maybe even bringing you on as a regular host."

Those are big promises. I have to wonder if he'd deliver on them. "I'm gonna have to think about it."

"I tell you what." Darius says easing out of his seat. "You come by the club as one of my VIPs this weekend and see how things operate. If you like it, we can book a date for next month."

I can definitely give him one Saturday night. "Cool."
CHAPTER 102

I step off the elevator feeling like having a little fun. With my business lunch being a productive one, I think I'll take Nancy's advice and relax. If George wants to pay me to do nothing, then I'll just do that.

But before I go attend that seminar I'm definitely gonna do something about these pigtails. I march past the reception desk, down the hall, and make a right. After I pass by the break room, I make a beeline for the ladies room. The faster I get this childish hairstyle off my head, the faster I can stop all the laughter.

I push past the heavy wooden door and rush over to one of the mirrors in front of the sinks. As I pull the red knobbed elastic barrette out of the left pigtail and my silken black hair falls down on my shoulders I start feeling a lot better.

Just as I'm about to take down the right one, the door creaks open. When I look across to see who's coming I'm met with the angry scowl of Monisha. She rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth as she storms over to the sink next to mine. "You know this is a job." She snarls.

Oh, now she's the boss of The Pit. "Dude, there's no official dress code." I say taking down my right pigtail. "So I can dress however I want."

As I throw my head back and run my fingers through my silken black mane to give it some body, Monisha's hands clench into fists. "School is out. And you need to start acting like it."

I'd have to say it's in. Time for Ms. Crowley to teach a lesson in Colorism 101. "You wouldn't say that if you worked here for a while."

"No matter how much you hide behind ghoulish makeup, goofy ass hairstyles, and childish clothes everybody's gonna know how Black you are."

I flash her a smile. "And you're gonna show them how dark I am."

"I done told all the people I've talked to in The Pit what you are."

Two days on the job and Miss Mammy is looking for brownie points with all the good White folks around here. Monisha becomes unnerved when my smiling eyes meet hers. "I'm not hiding anything. But I know your secret."

"What you talking about? I ain't got no secrets-"

"You want to be the Head Nigger in Charge of Amalagmated Consolidated."

"Ain't that what you want halfbreed?"

"Nope. Because my mom has that job already."

Monisha's eyes grow wide on hearing who I'm connected to. "Oh shit-"

I storm over to Monisha meet her anxious eyes with an intense look of my own. As she backs into the space between the sinks she starts sweating. "As you can see we really don't need another mammy around here." I snarl. "So I'd suggest you do your job, mind your business, and take that lightskin darkskin bullshit someplace else. Because if you get in my face with it again this mulatto will make things very tragic for you. Do we understand each other? "

A nervous look falls on Monisha's face as tears start running down her cheek. "I got you."
CHAPTER 103

Monisha crumples onto one of the sinks sobbing as I storm out of the ladies room. Now that I've put The Black Widow's bite on her, I don't think I'll have any trouble out of her again.

I check my watch while I march down the hall. 12:59, I've got less than a minute before that seminar starts. I pick up the pace and turn the corner. When I walk into the conference room, I'm surprised at the turnout for the event. Including me, there's only three people attending this seminar.

On seeing me enter the room, Vivian points daggers at me. "You here for the seminar Freakshow?"

"George sent me." I say smiling back at her.

Vivian smiles at me. "Finished all your claims early?"

"I was done by 11:30."

"Alright, have a seat."

I pull a chair out from under the conference table and slide into the chair across from the two elderly co-workers attending the event. After I take a seat, Vivian starts her seminar.
CHAPTER 104

After the seminar ends, the two elderly co-workers who were listening to the lecture ease up out of their chairs and file out of the conference room. In spite of Vivian's brusque demeanor she did a great job of introducing the speaker and keeping the room engaged throughout the presentation.

I'm about to get out of my seat and head back to my cubicle when Vivian calls out to me. "You have a minute Freakshow?"

"What can I do for you?"

"You're working in an office now. Don't you think you want to dress a bit more professionally?"

Maybe in a job at another company. "The Pit is a dead-end spot." I say shrugging my shoulders. "So I really don't care how I look-"

"Still, you don't know who's looking at you."

I have to wonder if she's looking at me. "Why should I care about anyone looking at me around here?"

"Because you never know when you get an opportunity to make an impression on a big wheel around here."

She should take her own advice. "Are you a big wheel?"

Vivian smiles at me. "I roll around with a lot of the top executives."

Like Mom. "Doesn't seem like it from the crappy events you put on-"

A resigned look falls on Vivian's face. "I just give em' what they want."

"Who would want events like this?"

Vivian cocks an eyebrow on the question. "A lot of people here enjoy my events-"

I didn't enjoy her orientation. "What about the new hires?"

"What about them? They're just here for the paycheck and the pension-"

That's how she sees it because she's been here so long. But there's a bigger picture to this business. I need to show Vivian her part in it. "Outsiders like new hires get an impression of the company too when you do events." I continue. "And when they see things like paper signs telling them to go places and have to deal with rude people they get turned off."

"All this from a woman dressed in a school uniform-"

Maybe this student can teach her a few things. "Your first impression is what leading to a lot of the apathy around here."

Vivian huffs a sigh. "Like you know so much-"

"We may not be here for the just paycheck and the pension if you gave us a reason to care."

The scowl on Vivian's face changes into a piqued look after hearing me. "So how would you make the employees care about things around here?"

"I don't know, I'd give em' a smile. Wait for them at the reception area at orientation and walk them to the conference room."

"How would that help anything?"

It's often those little acts of kindness that change people's lives. "It'd make the new hires feel like they're welcome. Like there's people at the company who care about them and want them around."

"You've got a lot of ideas for someone who dresses like a freak-"

I'm starting to see a way to use all my skills as a raver in the business world. "I had to make people feel welcome when I did raves in abandoned warehouses on 12th Avenue."

Vivian's face perks up after hearing about my raves. "So you've got experience doing events?"

"I packed out a warehouse in the worst part of The City for four years."

"So you were the face of those parties?"

"Pretty much."

"And what would be your vision for events here?"

Well, if I worked in events here I'd be the ambassador of the company."

"Ambassador?"

"Yeah, the face of the company. And as that face I'd make myself the first person new employees meet, and the person new clients get introduced to when they came to visit."

"That's what you'd give our employees?"

"That's how I'd do the job if I worked in this department. But I'm just passing through."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know," I say easing up out of my seat. "But I'm gonna be out of here in a year-"

I'm about to head for the door when Vivian calls out to me. "Matilda?"

"What?"

"Why don't we talk about what you're gonna do here before you go?"
CHAPTER 105

On hearing Vivian's request, my New Rock platform boots turn on a dime. I think I've given her a reason to care about something around here.

As I take my seat at the conference table across from Vivian I'm greeted with an eager look I hadn't seen before. Looks like I've sparked her passion. "So what do you hope to do in a year here?" She asks.

I'll just let her know my short-term goals. "Make a little money, get some basic experience, and a reference."

"And where would you go after that?"

I hadn't thought that far ahead. "A place better than this."

"Another office job?"

"Something like that."

"And you're sure the grass is greener below Columbus Circle?"

"Mom tells me it is."

Vivian smiles at me. "I'll let you in on a little secret Matilda. The grass usually tastes like shit wherever you go."

"Is that what you've experienced?"

"That's why I came here."

My eyes grow wide on hearing the revelation. "You telling me you actually wanted to work in this shithole?"

"Yeah, it's a shithole. But it's a shithole with job security and benefits. You ain't gonna get that anywhere else out there these days."

She's got a point. Most of these jobs today don't last that long. "But this company is full of assholes-"

"But you know who the assholes are here."

I actually know who some of them are by first name. "Is that supposed to be a benefit to me?"

"You can avoid being shit on every six to eight months."

She's got a point. It'd take me years to find out who the power players are at another company. "That does sound like a benefit-"

"Yeah, there are a whole lot of them you can take advantage of if you're looking for a career here-"

"Career? No one moves out of The Pit-"

Vivian smiles at me. "There are other ways to move up here. You just have to know how to work the company tree."

"And how would I work my way out of The Pit?"

"By finding a manager in another department who would be interested in taking you on."

"Are you interested in taking me on?"

"With your past experience doing those parties I'd like to think you could learn how to work corporate events."

"Corporate events? Is that an actual thing?"

"The bosses around here give me a ten million dollar budget just to buy snacks and decorations for all the meetings and orientations around here." Vivian replies. "Not to mention the executive retreat, company picnic, and our annual Christmas party."

And I thought I was going all out when I spent a thousand dollars on a rave. "They spend that much on parties here?"

"That much. And I have access to Amalgamated Consolidated's penthouse in the Roosevelt Hotel and the company mansion in The Hamptons."

Those sound like some awesome company perks. "And all I thought you did was run crappy orientations with donuts and juice."

"I just give em' what they want. But in between the big bashes I usually have a little extra left over to hire out subcontractors to consult on our smaller events."

Event Consultant does sound a lot better on my resume than Claims Associate. "And why would I want to work corporate events?"

"Because I'd like to think working with me be a better use of your time than wasting it with George."

"You've been talking to my Mom-"

"I've been listening to you. And I know that George doesn't appreciate talent."

"So you want to steal me-"

"It's not stealing if he tosses if he tosses you in the trash."

"I had no idea I've been tossed-"

"You finished all your work in half a day. George ain't got no use for you."

George has no use for anyone with an IQ higher than an ice cube. "And since one gets fired around here he's just gonna wait for me to quit."

Vivian smiles after hearing me figure out George's scheme. "So you know how to play chess."

All I used to do at Trepidation some Saturday nights. "You see a checkmate coming my way?"

"If you stay in that cubicle, all you're gonna do is get into trouble with dumbasses like Jeremy and Monisha. And chances are you're gonna wind up back out on your ass in six months."

"Seems like you know a lot about my first day on the job."

"Since my office isn't too far from The Pit I hear a lot of the chatter."

"So what are people saying about me?"

"Most of the vets in The Pit don't think you're gonna last six months because you're Muriel's kid. Me, I'd like to think you could go the distance here like your mom."

I'd like to think so too. "Are you proposing to take me under your wing?"

Vivian smiles at me. "I'd like to see what our new Ambassador will do at our next event."

"Ambassador?"

"Don't get excited, you're still working in The Pit. But since we're having a seminar for the new hires next week, I'd like to see what you can do before I bring you on as a consultant."

"Consultant?"

"Yeah, if things work out I want to bring you in on a free-lance basis to help out on some of our events."

"Looking for a way to spend some of that leftover money in your ten million dollar budget?"

"You show me something next week and I'll think about bringing you on full-time in my department in a year."
CHAPTER 106

I smile thinking about my new second job. If corporate events are anything like raving, there's a possibility of me actually doing something I'm familiar with. And if things work out I might actually have some fun.

I turn to Vivian to find out what event she wants my help on. "So what event next week am I working on?"

"A presentation on sexual harassment we're having next week."

Jeremy could definitely use that one. "Thank you for giving me the toughest event out the gate."

"I'd say. Your Mom is the guest speaker."

"...And even more pressure. You couldn't give me an easy one?"

Vivian smiles at me. "This is the easy one."

She has a point. With all the logistics involved in a larger event, this one would be one of the easier ones. "I guess it would be with attendance being mandatory."

"Usually it's hard to get the newbs engaged for that presentation. But if you've got any kind of people skills, you can pull it off."

Maybe I can. While sexual harassment is a touchy subject I think I can find a way to make it an event our employees can learn more about. "So have you done any promotion for this seminar?"

"That's your department."

Since I've got four days I think I can get the word out. "Gonna give me all the hard jobs?"

"Sometimes I only have two days to get the word out about an event."

I once had three days to get the word out about a rave. And I managed to fill the warehouse. So I think I can pull it off. "Can I use flyers?"

"You can do whatever you want."

"Great. I'll run some ideas by you tomorrow."
CHAPTER 107

I check my watch before looking over at the elevator banks in the lobby. Mattie should be getting off work in a few minutes. I'm hoping things go a lot better for her than yesterday.

The bell rings signifying that the elevator arriving in the lobby. As throngs of employees file out of the car, I see Mattie sauntering into the lobby with a smile on her face. "Hey Mattie, looks like you had a good day today." I say as she approaches me.

"The best." Mattie replies.

"And what would make it the best?"

"I've been given a chance to work an event with you."

I become curious about what her new project is as we start heading out of the lobby "My sexual harassment seminar?"

Mattie smiles at me. "I'm gonna be coordinating the event."

Looks like I'm actually gonna see her in action. "Vivian recruited you to help her out next week?"

"I did all my claims. So I'm free for the next two weeks."

Looks like Vivian is planning on stealing her. As we twirl through the revolving doors and head out onto the sidewalk of Columbus Avenue I smile on hearing about her accomplishment. "Looks like you found a way out of The Pit-"

"I'm working on it. If things work out I may be getting hired as a consultant."

Wow, she's gotten herself a second paycheck without even trying. "So you're gonna stay at Amalgamated Consolidated?"

"I can give Vivian a year of my life."

We stop for a red light at the end of the block and I notice Mattie's hair is back down on her shoulders. "What happened to your pigtails?"

Mattie huffs a sigh. "I had to get those stupid things off my head."

"I thought they were your trademark-"

"I'm reinventing my brand."

Sounds like she's finally growing up. "So you're putting off the things of a child?"

"When Lady Matilda returns to the Manor at the end of this month she'll be wearing attire befitting a more sophisticated young woman, not the raiment of a club kid."

"So there won't be any more Mad Matilda?"

Mattie smiles at me. "I'm just gonna be Matilda from here on in."

"So she's only gonna make an appearance at The Hallows?"

"She might pop in at Trepidation this Saturday."
CHAPTER 108

Michael Jackson's _Scream_ plays on my boom box as I get one last look at myself in the mirror of my vanity. Nothing too crazy about my makeup, just wine lips and simple smoky eyes. With me being gone from the clubs for over a year, I just want to blend into the background and take in the scene.

With all the work I've been putting in on this sexual harassment seminar with Mom, I'm looking forward to tonight. I haven't worked this hard on anything since my term papers for my finals. But after doing all the research and getting the word out to all the new hires with flyers and a hand-delivered memo to everyone's cubicle, I think I'll be ready for Tuesday's seminar.

I shut off the CD and take one last look at the framed mugshot next to the mirror for the night before I ease up out of my vanity chair and head into the bedroom. Before I head out for the night, I give my outfit a final once-over. Like my makeup, it's nothing fancy. Just a slinky black velvet skater dress, some black stockings, and some ankle strapped black suede heels. I doubt I'll be climbing any fences tonight, but if I have to run for a train I'll be able to catch it.

I catch the time on the VCR across the room and realize I need to be downtown in forty-five minutes. I grab my purse and leather trench coat off the back of my chair and hurry downstairs. When step into the living room Mom and Dad light up on seeing me. "Looks like the Lady is ready for an evening on the town." Dad says easing up off the sofa.

I still have another month before I can earn that title back. "I think I am." I reply.

"You look real elegant tonight."

"Thanks. I decided to bring back some of my Black Widow style to my look."

"I'd have to say you look like you're gonna wake the dead tonight." Mom says.

If I'm leaving that kind of impression on them I'm probably gonna be the center of attention at Trepidation. "I hope not. I'm just trying to keep it low key."

"Afraid somebody might recognize you?" Dad asks.

"I doubt anyone would remember what I looked like without my pigtails."

"We're gonna catch a movie tonight. Should we wait up for you when we come back?"

I flash a smile at them after hearing their plans. "I wouldn't."
CHAPTER 109

I'm feeling relaxed as the 4 train I'm riding on bolts into the 14th Street Station. While hanging out at Trepidation is gonna be an exercise in patience, I realize that the only way someone can bring me down tonight is if I let them. And I'm not gonna let anyone take me down to their level.

After the train doors open, I step out of the car and rush up the stairs. I'm making my way down the bustling corridor towards the 13th Street exit when I'm stopped dead in my tracks by my ex-boyfriend. As I look over at the blonde White woman he's holding he's holding hands with an uneasy look falls on his face. It looks like he's finally found the woman he sees himself reflected in.
CHAPTER 110

I paste on a smile as I meet Mattie's smiling eyes. Man, she looks so good tonight I almost regret breaking up with her. "Hey." I greet.

"Hey." Mattie replies smiling at me. "So how's life been treating you?"

Looks like she's gonna keep it amicable between us. "Good. I'm studying for my Series 7 right now. You ever find a real job?"

"I'm working Amalgamated Consolidated."

"Guess your mom got that job for you."

"A paycheck's a paycheck." Mattie says.

"Well, I guess it's a start. Are you off to some Goth spot?"

I'm given a coy smile that puts a chill throughout my body. "I go where the night takes me."

I guess that's all I'm gonna get from her. "Well, Erica and I are off to an off-Broadway play. With all the work I do in the office, I like to get a little more cultured during the weekends."

"I guess you want to do things that would better reflect your image."

"Yeah, I want everybody to see how I'm coming up in the world."

"You're definitely on your way."

"Well, you have a nice evening Matilda."

"You have a nice evening yourself."

After Mattie turns and start heading for the exit and we start heading towards the Downtown platform, Erica turns to me. "Justin who was that?"

I smile as look into Erica's blue eyes. "That was a lady."
CHAPTER 111

I march up the stairs of the 13th Street of the 14th Street Station smiling as I think about my abrupt meeting with Justin. Looks like he's found someone he's happy with. Maybe I'll find someone I can be happy with one of these days. But until then I'm just gonna have fun all by myself.

As I walk down 13th Street I feel like I've walked into a whole new world. A lot of the old vintage clothing stores and thrift shops I used to shop at are gone, and more of the retail chains like Toys R Us and Staples have taken their place. It's sad to see The Square becoming just another generic shopping district because this place used to be really special.

After I walk past Forbidden Planet, I turn the corner and start heading down Third Avenue. As I walk down the moonlit block, the commercial vibe I felt in Union Square changes into a more artsy one as I start seeing more of the more kitschy stores and offbeat places still in business. Even thought the neighborhood is changing, it looks like some of the old shops are still around. Once I pass by Sardsky's Diner I start becoming excited. When I see the familiar bone letters of Trepidation sign I smile. I'm hoping the old hangout hasn't changed that much in four years.

I grab the tall glass door of and step on the sales floor of the renovated coffee house. As Goth music plays from the speakers in the ceiling I smile seeing all the Goths chatting, drinking coffee, reading books, and playing chess. It looks like the owners have gotten rid of all the pretentious elitists and turned the place back into a hangout for spooky kids again.

Even though a lot of the décor has changed, it still feels like home. I scan the room searching for Lady Diabolique. I smile when I see my best friend sitting at a table in front of a book, big cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll. Her eyes smile at me when I let my fingers dance a medley on the table. "Mattie!" She greets jumping out of her seat.

"What's up Lady D?" I greet back.

On seeing me, Olivia gives me a hug filled with love. "Man, you look great!" Olivia says as she looks me over.

"Thanks. I never thought I'd see you like this again." I say looking over the black maxi dress, silver jewelry, and bat buckled pike boots she has on.

"Yeah, I had to bring back the Siouxsie hair and makeup for tonight. Although this look is very retro for you."

The more we change, the more we stay the same. As I slip off my coat and we take seats at the table, I let her know more about my return to elegance. "I've decided to bring some of The Black Widow's sophistication back to my style."

"I never thought we'd get you out of pigtails-"

Oh, the difference a year makes. "I had to get them off my head after I got laughed at on the way to meet Darius last week."

"So you're trying to do that show again?"

I'm still on the fence. "I'm his V.I.P. guest this evening at The Hallows. You want to be my plus one?"

"Nah, I gotta get back home and get to bed and finish reading all the essays on Pride & Prejudice for Monday's class."

"They driving you that hard in the English department?"

"If I'm not teaching, I'm grading papers. If I'm not grading papers, I'm taking classes. And if I'm not taking classes I'm working office hours."

So is the life of an aspiring professor. "My Dad always had time for stuff-"

"Your Dad has time for stuff because he has grunts like me to do all the heavy lifting-"

"He's not working you too hard?"

Olvia smiles at me coyly. "I'm getting used to it."

I'm thinking she's having a grand time. "You love it."

"Yeah, I do. You still hate working at Amalgamated Consolidated?"

"I'm getting used to it." I say. "Although...I may be on my way to another job."

"Doing what?"

"Corporate events."

"I always thought companies hired out for that-"

"Dude, you know Amalgamated Consolidated is old school. So they still pay people to do stuff regular companies outsource for today."

"Sounds like you'll be able to take some of those party planning skills you honed Raving to the business world."

"If things work out. My first big project is a sexual harassment seminar."

"Sounds like fun."

"If I get the guys excited for it I might be working events next year."

"I'm hoping it works out for you."

"I'm hoping so too. What's good on the menu?"

"The lattes are still the shit around here. But the scones sure do look appetizing."

Along with some of the guys around here. While Olivia is gesturing to the waitress, I see a familiar face from one of my raves headed down the hall towards the ladies room. In the year since we last met at my rave it looks like she's finally learned how coordinate her clothes and put on eyeliner. I wonder how she's doing.

"Order me one and a scone." I say jumping out of my seat. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you off to?"

"I saw someone I want to talk to."
CHAPTER 112

Sisters of Mercy's _Lucretia, My Reflection_ plays as I dart through the tables towards the ladies room. From the looks of her clothes and her makeup the babybat is starting to get her wings. I'm just hoping she's learning how to fly without getting high.

The girl pushes past the tall wooden door of the ladies room. I catch the door and follow behind her. As she approaches the mirror to and gets her lipstick out of her purse, I stand behind her and flash her a smile. When she sees the reflection of me standing behind her in the mirror, her face lights up with a smile that makes my night. "Oh my God, Mad Matilda!" she gasps.

How'd she recognize me? "I'm just Matilda these days." I say. "Although I never got your name..."

"Selina."

"Are you doing all right Selina?"

"Yeah."

"You're not doing Ecstasy anymore I hope?

"Definitely not."

"You definitely don't want to mess with that shit, it'll fuck you up-"

Selina turns away from the mirror and gives me an earnest look. "I know. I was in the hospital for three days after they pumped my stomach. Then my parents grounded me for a month."

Sounds like she got off easy compared to me. "I'm sorry."

"When they got to the hospital they thought me being Goth was the reason I was on drugs. And they wanted to throw out all my clothes and my CDs-"

"What made them change their mind?"

"When I told them about how you and your friends found me and took me to the hospital."

I had no idea how that little good deed could change her life. "Dude, you know you don't have to do drugs in order to be a part of the subculture-"

"I know. But I was so nervous coming to the Rave and I wanted to feel better-"

I guess it was her first show. "Hey, I get nervous too when I'm out sometimes."

"So you're shy too?"

"Very."

"But how do you jump off those stages?"

"By having the courage to be myself."

"But aren't you scared?"

"Yeah I'm scared. But I understand if I give into those fears I'll never be able to do the things that I want in life."

"So is that why you're here tonight? Are you making that appearance here?"

Someone has been reading my board. "Nah, I'm just out with a friend."

"So what happened to you?"

"I got arrested after the cops raided VampJam. And I spent the last year of trying to get my life together after it."

"So you were in trouble like me-"

"Yeah. After I dealt with court I finished college-"

The girl's eyes light up on hearing about my academic experience. "Oh my God-you went to college?"

Yeah, I was in college when I was doing the raves."

"I just thought you worked in a store or something when you weren't doing shows-"

I can't believe she has such low expectations of me. "No, I went to school. And now I'm working at an office-"

"So you're a weekender now-"

"No, I'm still me. I'm just doing different things now."

"Mom tells me I'd have to stop being Goth if I want to work at McDonald's-"

Looks like she's on her way back up. "Hey, I worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken for two years and I stayed Goth while I was wearing their uniform."

"So I can stay Goth on the job?"

"Definitely. My best friend is a teacher. And my other friends are a nurse and a bus driver."

"I thought people wouldn't hire us for those jobs-"

"Hey, spooky people are all around you."

"I don't see them-"

"Sometimes we have to dress for work or school, but we're there. You just have to know what to look for."

"Like your pendant."

I guess that's how she recognized me. A girl dressed in black jeans, a black and white striped Breton and black Chuck Taylors rushes into the bathroom over to us. "Hey Selina, we're about to head out. You ready?"

Selina smiles at the girl. "I'll be out in a minute."

After she darts out of the bathroom I smile at her. "So you've found some friends to hang out with?"

"Yeah, I came here with some people."

"I guess you want to get back to them."

"Yeah, we're gonna go check out Clueless down at the dollar theater on Second in a few minutes. I just came in here to check my lipstick after I ate that cinnamon roll."

I think I can help her out with some makeup advice. "It doesn't look like it needs a touch up. But I know a trick to make your lips appear fuller."

I take Selina's red lipstick and and overdraw the lines around her lips. On seeing the reflection of her fuller lips in the mirror she lights up. "Thanks Matilda."

"Hey, you can always talk to me on LiveJournal if you want." I say handing her back her lipstick. "I'm usually on there on the weekdays after four."

"I'll definitely check you out on the boards. See you online."

"You might see me around here too."

Selina has an eager smile on her face as she rushes out of the bathroom. As the babybat takes flight, I smile watching her get some air under her wings.
CHAPTER 113

I stroll out of the bathroom feeling good about my conversation with Selina. I doubt what we talked about is the stuff of legend, but hearing that I helped her pretty much made my night.

As I make my way through the crowd back to my table, I see Lady Diabolique sitting in front of a half-eaten cinnamon bun. Across from her in my place are a cranberry orange scone and a tall latte. Time to load up on carbs and caffeine before I hit the dance floor at The Hallows. "So who was this mysterious stranger you ran off to go talk to? " Olivia asks.

"An old acquaintance." I say easing into my seat.

"Esmeralda?"

I guess she went out with the floor tiles during the renovation. "Dude, you think I'd be smiling after running into Esmeralda?"

"So who'd you run into?"

"At our last rave Ebony and I found a babybat on the floor OD'd on Ecstasy. And I found out she's gotten her wings over the last year."

"If only we had a bell to ring."

"After everything she's been through with drugs I'm glad to see her doing better."

"I know what'll really make you feel better. There's a Cure concert coming up in July."

On hearing about one of my favorite bands coming to The City I light up." Dude, I am so there-"

"Can I be your plus one?"

I give her a look. "Can't you get your own my sista?"

"Tickets are like $50. You can afford that Ms. Monopoly."

That's way less than one of Michael Jackson's concerts. "Since it's not that much I can hook you up."

"Don't worry, I'll get you back when we go to Wave Gotik Treffen next year."

With the money I'm making now I definitely can take that trip to Germany and meet all the spooky people from all over the world. "Now there's something I've dreamed of doing since I was in high school-"

"And now that we're both working we can make that dream come true. Don't you just love this thing we call money?"

I'm starting to see the possibilities it's giving me. "If I only knew about the advantages of being a part of the corporate world-"

"You'd have left the warehouse five years ago."

Now that I'm back out among the Norms, I'm starting to see the box I was putting myself in raving in that warehouse. If I stayed an Industrial Raver, I'd have never thought about exploring the other parts of the Goth world. "I'm starting to see there's a bigger picture to the subculture."

"Are you ready to experience it?"

"Definitely."
CHAPTER 114

Olivia checks her watch after she finishes sipping her second latte. "Welp, it's time for me to call it a night."

I give her a look. "Dude, it's like 10:00. You can stay another hour-"

"I'd love to stay a little longer but you have to get to The Hallows."

"Dude, nothing really pops off at a club until midnight-"

"The club may not start popping off until midnight, but you and I have to be at work on Monday morning."

And if I hope to be able to get into work in any condition to do my job then I can't be up all night. With that sexual harassment seminar coming up next week, the last thing I want to do is fall asleep at the biggest presentation of my career. "I guess I better get used to my nights ending before 4 AM."

"Pretty much if you want to keep a job."

Oh, the sacrifices I make to be gainfully employed. We ease out of our seats, slip on our coats, sling our purses over our shoulders, and head out of Trepidation. As we step on the moonlit sidewalk of Third Avenue, I thank my best friend for inviting me out for a fun evening. "Thanks for the lattes and the scones."

"You're welcome." Olivia replies. "You want to do this again next Saturday?"

"Definitely. But I may bring a friend along from work with me."

Olivia gives me a curious look as we approach the corner of 11th and Third Avenue. "Ooooh, making friends with the Normies?"

"Yeah, Nancy's a total preppie. But she's cool."

"She sounds a lot like you. I'm definitely looking forward to meeting her."

Olivia steps out onto the corner and gestures to hail a cab. As a yellow cab pulls up beside us I find out what she's up to. "You're not taking the train back?"

Olivia smiles at me. "Since it's your big night I thought you should make your entrance in style."

That's really nice of her. "Someone's getting a Cure T-Shirt when we go to the concert this summer." I say as we step into the backseat of the sedan."

"You big spender." Olivia jabs as she eases into the backseat beside me.

"Where to ladies?" The cabbie asks."

"The Hallows on Lafayette and Broadway."
CHAPTER 115

I become filled with anticipation as the cab we're riding in approaches the entrance of The Hallows. This is it, my first night at the biggest Goth club in New York City!

I catch the eager smile on my best friend's face. Now that we're here maybe she'll reconsider and join me tonight. "You sure you don't want to be my plus one?"

Olivia flashes me a smile. "I'd love to, but I gotta get some sausage in my guts."

Should have known there was another reason for her cutting out early tonight. "And I thought you'd be grading papers all night."

"There's other homework a teacher has to do."

"Just don't wait to exhale before you wolf down that midnight snack."

"Tell me everything that happens at The Hallows tonight."

"Oh, I'll definitely will give you a full report tomorrow morning."

I step out of the cab and wave goodbye to Olivia. After her cab drives off, I hurry onto the sidewalk. As I walk past the line of people dressed in Goth gear waiting to get in, I greet the bouncer dressed in a tailored suit with a smile. "Hi, Darius put me on the V.I.P list."

"And you are..."

"The Legendary Mad Matilda."

The bouncer looks down the list and smiles when he finds my name. "Darius has been waiting for you."

I had no idea I was that important to him. As the bouncer gets on his walkie-talkie, I prepare to make my entrance in the biggest club in the scene. "Darius, your special guest has arrived."
CHAPTER 116

One of the bouncers unhooks the velvet rope in front of the entrance of The Hallows while another leads me down the red carpet into the former Victorian era theater turned nightclub. I become filled with anticipation as he pushes past the antique wooden doors and we step into the vestibule of New York's premier Goth spot. Oh my God, I'm in The Hallows! I'm in The Hallows!

After I check my coat, I follow my escort onto the parquet tiled dance floor. I smile watching Goths dressed up in their Saturday night finest dancing to Industrial music pumping from the speakers mounted on the walls next to the DJ booth up on the ornate stage. While we make our way through the crowd, I peer up at the laser light show flashing on the ornately painted ceiling above us.

The lightshow ends as the EBM beats stop as we approach a winding staircase. As Switchblade Symphony's Witches plays on the speakers, I follow the bouncer up the winding staircase up to the balcony that's been converted into a private space with its own bar. On seeing me enter the room, the dapperly dressed Darius greets me with a smile as he eases up off the oxblood leather nailhead sofa he's sitting on. "And The Legendary Mad Matilda finally graces The Hallows with her dark presence." He greets.

Now there's an introduction. "I'm happy to see you too." I say flashing him a smile.

"So what did you think of our stage?"

"It looks like a very elegant place to dive off of."

"So have you made up your mind if you want this to be the place where you make your return?"

He seems really eager to have Mad Matilda do a show. I'm still on the fence. "I'd like to take a look around the club before I make my decision."

"Before you hit the dance floor, how about you have a drink with me?"

Normally I don't drink alcohol, but since I'm getting the V.I.P treatment tonight, I'll indulge this one time. While Darius walks me over to his personal bar he continues to make the pitch for his club. "I usually don't break this stuff out, but since it's such a special occasion I thought you'd like to experience it."

"Oh, what is it? Champagne?"

"Absinthe."

"Absinthe?"

"It's from my personal collection."

He must think highly of me. "You have personal collection of spirits?"

"Yeah, it's a hobby I have. I brought this one home after a trip to Germany."

"So you've been to Wave Gotik Treffen?"

"I have. And it's an amazing experience."

Now I know I have to go. Darius gestures and his personal bartender takes a bottle off the shelf. After he pours a small amount of dark green alcohol into a pair of crystal goblets he then puts it over a decanter filled with ice water. Then he puts a slotted spoon and a sugar cubes on top of the glasses and turns on the decanter. As the dripping water dissolves the sugar cube the alcohol inside turns a milky light green color. I become intrigued to what it'll taste like as the bartender hands me a glass. "A toast to your future." Darius says raising his glass for a toast.

I'll drink to that. After a clink of the crystal glasses I take a sip of the mysterious green drink called absinthe. Whoa. That's pretty intense.

Once I finish the absinthe, I start to feel different. Not drunk. Not buzzed. But clear-headed. Like I'm in a Zen state. Darius gestures to the sofa and I take a seat across from him. "So what kind of show would you have planned for Mad Matilda's debut at The Hallows?"

There's something I haven't thought of. "After the stage dive?"

"Yeah, we want to keep the crowd excited."

"There was a show where I ate fire at the intermission."

Darius shakes his head. "That's a little too risky for us with the building being over a hundred years old."

While I want to bring the house down, I don't want to burn it to the ground. I think I have a couple of ideas for a show that'd be more in line with the older crowd here. "Well I could bring a local band in to do a live show."

Darius raises an eyebrow. "You know bands?"

With Goth Raves being all about the music, they used to wait outside the rave begging me for a shot to be a part of the next show. "Yeah, I know a few guys." I say. "Depending on the show, I'd usually have them come on for a three or four song set in the middle of a show. Then they'd go into the crowd taking pictures and selling CD's."

Darius smiles at me. "That's something more in line with what we'd do."

"You want me to call up some of my contacts?"

"I can bring in a band. All you'd have to do is introduce them."

"So you'd want me to be a host primarily."

"Pretty much. In between band sets you could talk to the audience and let them know what happened to you."

Sounds like they want to use me to draw the kids in to see their bands. So you want me to work the crowd?"

"Yeah, they're gonna be coming to see you, so it'd be a way for the audience to get to know you and what you've been doing. Add to your legend so to speak."

Telling my story to the crowd would be better than getting on stage and announcing to the world I'd been arrested. Plus it'd allow me to connect with the audience the way I used to at my old shows. The more he talks the more I'm persuaded to actually make that appearance. "It sounds you're planning a fun evening around me, but I'd like to take a look around the club and feel the vibe of the crowd. Is that okay with you?"

"Be my guest."
CHAPTER 117

Darius smiles eagerly at me as I ease up the sofa and head out of the V.I.P. area. It doesn't sound like he's asking me to do much. A stage dive, intro some bands and then some crowd work. Everything I did at my raves for the last four years. While I'd love to just say yes to his offer, I need to find out if this is the right venue for Mad Matilda to make her return to the scene in.

As I make my way down the stairs, I really start feeling the effects of the absinthe I drank. Thanks to the Zen state I'm in I'm literally counting each step in front of me and I'm practically counting the beats of the music of the song playing on the speakers. By the time I get down the spiral staircase and step on the dance floor I'm literally calculating how many steps it takes to get to the bar on the other side of the room.

While kids dance to Sisters of Mercy's _This Corrosion_ I take a good long look at the stage I'd be diving from. It's a lot taller than the warehouse platforms I used to take a dive off. If I got my followers here, I'd have to wonder if they'd be able to catch me if I jumped off something that high.

Feeling the groove of This Corrosion, I saunter through the crowd over to the bar. While I like the way this absinthe has me feeling, I think I'll get myself a Coke to chase it down. When I get the attention of one of the bartenders I put my order in. "Can I get a Coke with lemon?" I request.

While I wait for my drink, I look over at the bats and ghouls dancing and having a good time. Just as I'm thinking about heading onto the dance floor and busting a few of my moves of my own, someone I thought I'd never see again steps out of the crowd. Just when I was having a good night this son of a bitch had to show up again.
CHAPTER 118

Well, well, well, if it ain't Polly Pigtails. I never thought I'd see her here. Maybe now that she's done her time in jail she's ready to do business on my terms.

My smile is met with a scowl from the hostess with the mostess. "Nice night isn't it Brokedown Julie Brown?" I ask.

"It was until you showed up." Mad Matilda spits. "Still peddling Ecstasy to babybats?

I flash her a smile. "I don't need to deal with the Kindergoths anymore." I say. "I've graduated to doing business with a more sophisticated clientele."

"I guess that's the difference a year makes."

"Yeah, that's the difference a year makes." I say leaning on the bar next to where she's standing. "I'm working the scene in whole lot of new venues. But you probably didn't hear much about that while you did that bid in Rikers."

I laugh watching the Ghoulie's eyes grow wide. "How'd you know about that?"

"Who do you think called the cops?" I laugh.

Mad Matilda's black manicured hands clench into fists as her face twists into a scowl. "You were the son of a bitch who got me locked up!"

I smile seeing Mad Matilda seething with rage. "Yeah, I had you bounced from the rave scene." I laugh. "And I can have you bounced out of here the exact same way."

On hearing the threat Mad Matilda is about to lose it. Just before she can swing on me, I feel a hand on my shoulder. When Darius cuts a cold look at me I get nervous. "Louie, take it outside."

Just when I was about to make this room full of zombies come alive. "Outside?"

"Yeah, outside. Me and Matilda have some business to discuss."

CHAPTER 119

Louie scurries into the crowd after Darius telegraphs a look at him. I become intrigued about what their relationship is as he puts his arm around my shoulder. "Let's talk." Darius requests.

I follow Darius through the crowds of Goths back up the winding staircase up to his V.I.P. area. As we enter his private space again, Darius gestures and his personal bartender and bouncer leave the room. I take a seat on the nailhead sofa wondering what he wants to discuss. "I'm really sorry you had to experience that." Darius says.

"I thought you had bouncers to keep scum like that out of places like this."

"Well, there's the problem. Louie is a part of this place."

Oh my God. "Why would you want to have him working for you?"

"Some of our customers prefer to have certain refreshments to enhance their experience here. And Louie provides those products for me."

"For a small percentage of his profits."

"So you understand the business."

"I understand he's a monster-"

"He's a part of my business here at The Hallows. And if you want to work my club you're going to have to work with him."

It'll be a cold day in Hell before I do that. "How can you work with him? He sold drugs to children-"

"Matilda, everyone has their vices." Darius dismisses. "And people come to certain clubs in the scene to indulge them."

If I knew that this club was about that I wouldn't have come here. "I never took drugs to be a part of the scene-"

"You just did."

"I didn't take any drugs-"

"That absinthe you just drank?" That's not legal to drink here."

Man, he's insidious. "You set me up!" I bark jumping off the sofa.

"I didn't set you up." Darius says smiling smugly at me. "I just gave you what you wanted."

I didn't want to do drugs-"

"You'd be surprised what people are capable of doing when they really want something."

"I didn't want this-"

"You wanted to be Mad Matilda."

Perhaps I was too busy hiding under my big black security blanket to see the dark world she was a part of. "Yeah, I did."

Darius laughs after I make my concession. "That's the funny thing about compromise. You don't even know you've done it."

While I've crossed a line drinking that absinthe, I can still step back from the edge of life's stage I've rushed up to. "I'm not compromising myself to become Mad Matilda again-"

Darius looks me dead in my eyes. "You are if you're gonna work my club. You're gonna have to learn how to see and not see and hear and not hear."

When he says that I think about Selina lying on the floor of that warehouse. I couldn't live with myself if I walked by her in that condition in the bathroom. "I saw what Louie's drugs did to a fourteen-year-old girl last year-"

"And that's when you played the SuperGoth and threw him out of your rave."

My eyes grow wide on the revelation of him knowing so much about me. "You knew what happened to me?"

"Louie told me." Darius laughs. "And I was hoping you'd learned your lesson about how the business runs in the club scene while you were in jail."

The only thing I learned from that experience is that it's hard to get up from a fall. After all the work I did to rebuild my life, I've got too much to lose to risk it getting involved with him. "And if I don't do things your way I could wind up going back there."

"You don't have to get involved with us." Darius laughs as he shakes his head. "You could just go back to your little bullshit job with the plastic ID card."

At least I have something to look forward to on Monday morning. "That job isn't that bad." I say flashing him a smile. "I actually kind of like it."

Darius starts to get nervous on hearing me praise my job. "So you're gonna walk away from your big break in the scene to be a desk jockey?"

The subculture is a lot bigger than my raves or The Hallows. And I think I can find a place for myself in another part of it. "Yeah, pretty much."

Darius' eyes grow wide as he realizes that he's about to lose a payday. "You better think about this before you do something crazy-"

I flash him a playful smile. "Dude, I'm Mad Matilda. You should know I'm known for doing crazy shit-"

What about your fans? Don't they deserve to know what happened to you?"

They found out about what happened to me at Trepidation. "I'd rather remain a legend than haunt your hallows."

"Girl, I'm offering you ten grand for one night-"

That ten grand is worth about as much as Justin's two dollars to me. "You can keep it."

I'm strolling towards the staircase with my head held high when Darius calls out to me. "If you go down those stairs you can forget about ever working a show at The Hallows or any club in this city."

While I'd love to put The Black Widow's bite on him, the only response I give his threat is the sound of my high heels clopping down the stairs. Who needs The Hallows when I have Amalgamated Consolidated.
CHAPTER 120

The EBM song that used to herald my entrance plays as I march down the winding staircase. I thought seeing my hopes and dreams get dashed in front of me would hurt. But somehow I'm feeling euphoric about it. Maybe it's the absinthe. Or maybe it's just me accepting that a part of my life is finally over.

I feel the groove of the beat as I saunter across the dance floor over to the coat check. As I hand my ticket to the coat clerk, Louie strolls back into the vestibule and smiles at me. "So your big meeting with D is over?" He asks.

"Yeah, pretty much." I say taking my coat from the clerk.

"So are you gonna do things our way? Or am I gonna have to bounce you?"

After I slip my coat on, I flash Louie a smile. "You don't have to bounce me Louie." I say playfully slapping his face. "I'll bounce myself."

Louie's eyes grow wide. "You're quitting the scene?"

"You can have The Hallows. I'll take the world."

The flabbergasted expression on Louie's face makes my night as I walk past him and push past the ornate doors of the Hallows. As I step on the sidewalk and head down Lafayette Street I start thinking about how I want to approach Tuesday's sexual harassment seminar.
CHAPTER 121

I look over at the clock on the night table when I wake to hear the door slam downstairs. 12:34. Mattie can't be coming home already. Usually when she goes out to a club she's not home until at least four or five in the morning.

I ease Jason's arm from around me, slide out of bed, and slip on my silk robe. As I dart out of the bedroom into the hall I'm expecting to see a stranger. I'm surprised when I see Mattie marching up the stairs carrying her shoes. "Did the party end early?" I ask.

"It's over for me." Mattie replies.

Oh my God. "What happened?"

"I took a trip down the road less traveled. And I saw the horrors that are on it."

Sounds like something bad happened tonight. As she strolls into her bedroom I find out how scarred she is from her experiences. "You're not gonna be so traumatized that you're not gonna be able to go to work on Monday?" I say as I lean in the doorway.

Mattie flashes me a smile. "That's one of the reasons I came home early."

Mattie drops her purse and shoes on the floor, grabs the chair from under her desk and falls into it. As she starts taking off her jewelry, she tells me about her night. "I went down to The Hallows to check out the club. And I ran into the drug dealer who got my rave busted up."

"Oh my God, did you get into a fight with him?"

"No, I walked away when I found out he sells drugs for the owner of The Hallows. "

"So I guess Mad Matilda won't be making her comeback."

"She made her final appearance at Trepidation."

"That's not the comeback you were working so hard for-"

"But I got to put a period at the end of things."

Looks like the Mad Matilda era of her life is over. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you."

Mattie smiles at me. "I'm not."

"You're telling me you're happy with having your dreams dashed in front of you?"

"They were the dreams of a child. I just couldn't see it until now."

Sounds like she's ready to be an adult. "And now you have the aspirations of a woman."

"Sometimes you don't appreciate what you have in front of you." Mattie continues. "And sometimes you have to see what's on the road less traveled to understand what's great about what God has blessed you with."

"Are you telling me you actually appreciate your shitty job at Amalgamated Consolidated?"

"I thank God I have it."

I think the real blessing she's been given is the perspective she's been given on things. "I never thought I'd see the day when anyone would be singing the praises of Amalgamated Consolidated."

"I thought the Yellow Brick Road to Hell was bad." Mattie continues. "But after I took a trip down the last steps of Mad Matilda's crazy path I found out how much worse things could have gotten for me."

"So where are you going now?"

"Bed. I got to go to work on Monday."

"I wouldn't think you would want to sleep with your dream dying."

Mattie smiles proudly. "As long as I'm free to sleep in my own bed I can always have another dream."

I guess she's finally at peace knowing that part of her life is over. "I wouldn't think a Goth would come to appreciate life."

"Sometimes you see things in the light that make you see what's great about the darkness."

"Like..."

"Moms who love you enough to beat the shit out of you."

Better I kick her ass than a bulldike in Rikers. "So you're not gonna be in the clubs anymore?"

"There's more to the subculture than the club scene. And I'm gonna go explore those parts of it."

"Just don't get into trouble in those parts."

"I doubt I can get into trouble at a concert in Madison Square Garden or a festival in Germany."

I smile on hearing Mattie's plans for her future. "Looks like you got this."

Mattie smiles at me. "I can take it from here."
Chapter 122

I look over the spread of Danishes, bagels, croissants, and donuts presented on the table next to the carafes of juice and coffee. I'm hoping my fellow new hires enjoy the expanded selection of refreshments, printed notes, and softer chairs being provided to them for today's sexual harassment seminar. I know they're little things, but I believe they can make the difference between people staying to have a career here or just moving on to the next job. If I do one thing here that helps someone keep their job I'll believe I'll have made a difference.

With the table set up and the chairs arranged, I think I'll take a pit stop to see if I'm still looking presentable for this morning's presentation. Vivian and I have been here since 7:30 trying to get everything ready for today's event and the last thing I want to do is make my first presentation with a pair of underarm stains on my new silk blouse.

I dart out of the conference room and rush down the hall into the ladies room. As I approach the mirrors, I hear the sounds of grunting and flesh slapping flesh. Damn, not even nine o'clock and they're at it. "Dude, get a room!" I bark pounding on the door of the stall.

On hearing me call them out, the door of the stall jerks open and Monisha rushes out of the bathroom pulling down her skirt. "Shit, can't get no privacy around here." She huffs.

I'm given a cold glare from her sex partner as he storms out of the stall zipping up his pants. "Thanks for cockblocking me Spinsterella." Jeremy spits.

I give him a quizzed look on hearing the nickname. "Spinsterella?"

"Yeah, with your mom being the HR boss, you're never getting to happily ever after with a guy around here."

I guess Monisha told him who I'm related to. On hearing the insult I become inspired. "That works for me." I say flashing him a smile.

A baffled look falls on Jeremy's face as he pauses in the doorway. "How's that gonna work for you? You're gonna die an old maid-"

"I was looking for a new Goth name. And Spinsterella has possibilities."

FINAL CHAPTER

Jeremy seethes as he storms out of the bathroom. After he leaves, I give myself a final once-over in the mirror of the ladies room. Since I don't see any underarm stains, I think I'm good to go for today.

I'm about to head back to the conference room when Vivian rushes into the bathroom. "Figures I'd find you here." She says.

"Wherever there are mirrors, Goths will be." I say. "I'm just doing a pit stop."

Vivian looks over the red silk blouse, black pinstripe skirt, fishnet tights, and red and black spectator heels I have on and gives me an approving smile. "I'd say you're finally ready for the corporate freakshow around here."

I'm thinking this strange and unusual girl will fit right in with the rest of the oddities here at Amalgamated Consolidated. "Thanks."

"You ready to do you diplomatic duties Ms. Ambassador?"

The show doesn't start until I start it. And I'd hate to see my first event here start late. "Ready as I'll ever be." I say smiling back at her.

"Er...You have something in your nose."

I gasp looking over at myself in the mirror. On seeing last vestige of Mad Matilda still embedded in my face, I gently ease the nose stud out of my left nostril. After I drop it in her hand she smiles at me proudly. "Now you look like you're ready to be our ambassador."

"I feel like it."

"I hope you're in top form today. Not only is your Mom gonna be working the room, Jerry the COO is coming by to see you work."

My eyes grow wide on hearing the extra special guest coming to our event. "I didn't think an executive on that level would want to see a sexual harassment seminar with new hires."

"Your Mom rolls with a lot of big wheels." Vivian says. "And Jerry's a good friend of hers. If this works out you could be on your way to making some real connections with some movers and shakers."

"Wow, I could be on the fast track to a promotion."

"I may have to put you on payroll sooner rather than later."

"That's if I don't run into an Amalgamated Consolidated screwjob."

"At least you have something to work for. You ready to get this party started?"

"Definitely."

Vivian gets the door for me and I follow her out of the bathroom. As we head towards the conference room, I wonder if I could be as great an employee as my mother was. Could I do this for the rest of my life? I definitely think I could.

ESTABLISHING A LEGEND

Sometimes after I write a story there are unanswered questions at the end of it. And unanswered questions are a good thing. They leave the reader wanting more. And building anticipation for a future tale about that character.

After I finished writing Spellbound the story that chronicled Matilda's babybat years in the Goth subculture and Spinsterella that chronicled her years as an Elder Goth, there was a huge gap in Matilda's story. In between those two books were a lot of unanswered questions: Why did Matilda leave the rave scene? Why did she stop being Mad Matilda? What led to her taking a job at Amalgamated Consolidated? How did she start down the road to becoming Spinsterella?

I felt it wasn't fair to leave readers with so many unanswered questions. And it wasn't fair to leave Matilda's story unfinished. Storytelling is all about a writer answering questions for readers. And the story around all those unanswered questions between _Spinsterella_ and _Spellbound_ laid the foundation for the legend of Mad Matilda.

In the hotel scene of _Spinsterella_ , Matilda reminisces about her time as Mad Matilda, and laments the tragic end of that time in her life. As I laid the foundation for that tragic tale, I wanted to tell a story about a Goth's coming of age. As I saw it there were three phases in the life of a Goth: The babybat phase where a person comes into the subculture, the adolescent phase where a person is exploring and finding their identity, and the elder or adult phase where they establish the identity they want to have and the role they want to play in the subculture.

At the end of _Spellbound_ , Matilda is beginning her adolescent phase by taking the name Mad Matilda. At the start of The Legendary Mad Matilda she's right in the middle of that adolescent phase. Going to school by day, and using the business skills she learned at her corporate internships, she dreams of being Mad Matilda and traveling to clubs all over the country when she gets out of college. Like most teenagers she's living in a dream world and can't see the horrors of the reality transpiring around her.

Matilda is caught up in the world she's created and believes the hype revolving around the urban legend told about her. And like most adolescents she thinks it's going to go on forever. It's only when she's arrested and her fantasy comes crashing down that she's forced to take a long hard look at the real world she's living in. A world where her friends like Olivia and Justin are preparing to move past the club scene and start taking adult responsibilities.

Unfortunately, Matilda doesn't want to enter the adult world like Olivia or Justin. Why? Because she's afraid of becoming a Tragic Mulatto. It's that fear of being judged for being biracial in Corporate America that has Matilda holding onto Mad Matilda's pigtails like a security blanket. It's clear that Mattie has outgrown being Mad Matilda by the business skills she uses to run her raves. However, she has to come to that discovery for herself.

The only thing I thought that would make Matilda face the fear of being judged for being biracial was to clearly be shown the terrifying reality of Mad Matilda's life. It's being confronted by the real world of horrors that leads to her making the changes that help her move her life forward. When she realizes that the world of the club scene is going to take her back down the dark road that got her arrested at VampJam 95, she finally has the courage to break out of the state of arrested development she's in and puts a period at the end of the Mad Matilda era of her life.

I felt the legend in Mad Matilda wasn't the story about Mad Matilda the Goth raver, but the story of Matilda having the confidence and the courage to be Matilda. It would take legendary courage, character, and resolve for a young adult to come to terms that a part of her life was over and start making the steps to move forward towards becoming a woman. Even in the face of temptation by Darius, Matilda still perseveres towards rebuilding her life. And when she sees Mad Matilda's world for what it truly is, she has the courage to walk away from it towards her job at Amalgamated Consolidated.

As a part of the legend, I also wanted to make a commentary about growing older in the Goth subculture. Many people see being Goth as a phase for tweens and teenagers. However Goth is a lifestyle. And as a person grows older in the Goth subculture, their identity changes. The Goth who they were at 16 is not who they were at 21. And who they were at 40 is not who they are at 21 and 16.

It was a challenge to write Matilda's legend. Like _Spellbound_ , I was writing about a time period in the past and about another subculture. So it was a challenge getting dates and places right. For some reason writing the late 80's was a lot easier than writing the mid 1990's. I'm thinking it was because I was an idealistic teenager in the late 80's and a young adult who went through struggles similar to Matilda's in the mid 1990's I felt a little of my own pain writing Matilda's story.

It was also a challenge to find Goth songs to fit the scenes of different chapters. With Legend set in the club scene, and in the heyday of the Goth subculture, I had to make sure I showcased the music in this story. With so many bands emerging as staples in the 1990's it was a challenge to find that one right song that fit the mood of a certain chapter.

Even though I had my challenges writing Legend, I still had a lot of fun writing the last chapter of Matilda's story. I'm hoping this story answers many of the unanswered questions readers had and have them asking more about Matilda's story.

OTHER BOOKS IN THE SPINSTERELLA TRILOGY

SPELLBOUND

ISBN 978-1535308755

A Darker Shade of Black...

Sixteen-year-old Matilda Crowley lives on the dark side of being light skinned. When a series of events sends the biracial teenager further down the Tragic Mulatto's road to Hell she enters the world of the Goth Subculture and begins a journey that will change her perceptions of race, culture, and identity. Will she find light in darkness? Or will she be driven to madness?

SPINSTERELLA

ISBN 978-1512174519

Oh, What A Tangled Web She Weaves...

Matilda Crowley has earned the nickname Spinsterella at Amalgamated Consolidated for her unique style and fashion sense. But when an enigmatic new hire starts working on her floor, the Goth Monster is eager to get closer to the silent stranger many in the office have dubbed the Quiet Man. Is it love at first bite for the Black Widow? Or is she destined to die an old maid?

Get all the books in the Spinsterella Trilogy in paperback and eBook at your favorite online bookseller!

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