(gasp)
- Ugh, it's everywhere, it's
between my goddamn toes.
- I told you the volcano would blow.
You can't ignore me, I'm here to stay.
(aggressive kissing noises)
(barking)
- Maybe we should like rub fronts?
(kissing)
(soft music)
- Oh yeah, my mouth is sopping wet.
- No, no, no!
(grunting)
- This feels real good,
but it's real wrong.
A little more.
A little bit more.
- Oh my god, Andrew, is there
supposed to be that much?
- Check your mons?
- Hey Nick!
- What a do?
- We're your curly new pals.
- Are we in Tampa?
cause its hot and stinky,
I don't wanna be here.
- No we're not in Tampa,
we're in Crotch City, USA.
- Hi guys.
- Oh my God am I like so funny!
(screaming)
- Why am I out!
- It's gonna be Science-awesome!
- That's so funny Steve.
(puking)
- You need to do what you think is right.
(puking)
- [Jessi] I got my period.
(puking)
- I'm so sorry.
(puking)
- Okay, everybody say--
- Please don't say it, Matthew.
- Cheese.
(puking)
- And I just want you to know Daniel.
(puking)
Leah, would you give Daniel back his hat.
- Thanks Nicky.
- Leah, you're better than this.
- No, I'm really not.
- Oh my God!
- Now, there's someone very
special I want you guys to meet.
- Oh, well that's a pillow.
- No no no no no no, she's
so much more than a pillow.
First, I make a slit, not too long,
careful as to not rip the edges,
making what I call 'the husband stitch'.
Then, I take two zip lock bags
and I fill them with
Amy's Organic Lentil Soup.
Which I microwave to exactly 98.6 degrees,
not enough to burn you
but just enough to feel warm and inviting.
Then I place them in
the slit of the pillow.
(moaning)
Abra-cum-dabra!
Ta da!
That was amazing!
- Mmm, so good!
(groaning)
- I'm fucking 40!
I'm a famous 40 year old magician.
I drive a bright red Tesla that I bought
with all my 40 year old money.
- Yah! I'm also 40, I
know your grandparents.
- My penis is right
next to the baby's head.
(screaming)
- I'm rich!
- Ooh! Hello there!
- Put a rubber on Junior, I
got athletes foot all over me.
- Oh I don't care one bit.
- Mature Group Pissing?
- I guess I just got a little bored
of the solo pissing stuff.
- Uh-huh.
- [Sylvester Stallone] Hey, great.
It's Mickey, Paulie and all the gals.
- This is my fault.
(grunts)
(muffled shouting)
- What are you doing nick?
- I'm sorry, I have to!
- Please, stop!
- He's leaking.
- Shut the fuck up, Nick!
(kissing)
(whistling)
- Uh oh! I bed wet sick again.
(groaning)
- I think I'm going to make sick!
(groaning)
(steam train engine whistle)
Thank you, I'm sorry,
thank you, I'm sorry!
Oh, there's the problem.
- Oh good lord.
- Lebron James.
(choking)
Whoa, sex?
I wonder if that has anything to do with
those yogurt balloons
I used to find on the
floor next to our bed?
- Steve!
- ♪ I want to do sex on a lady ♪
♪ But I'm not really sure I can ♪
♪ Make my peanut puke like a baby ♪
♪ But there's a couple
things I don't understand ♪
- There seems to be some pre-lava
oozing out of the volcano.
- I'm going to go to the parking lot
and smoke a quick Merit,
get my head straight.
- Not everything in nature has a purpose.
- There's only one way
to make you shut up!
(moaning)
- Garrison, no!
- Take it all Keillor, take it all.
- [Woman] Missy, are you almost ready hun?
We have to leave for the school sleepover.
You don't want to be late.
- What?
Okay, mom!
Oh, goodness, Wiggles, darn it.
- That was one heck of a worm dance.
- I've got full blown glitter tummy.
- Maybe we should do some more tonight,
I've got this idea where
you fold me in half.
- Oh!
- Is it cool if I just
kind of, back it up?
(moaning)
It's just so chilly in
here and you're so warm.
- Oh well you're pretty warm too,
you feel really, really warm.
(moaning)
(grunting)
- Oh my God, Missy's like, jerking off!
Shake your booty Missy!
- It's more of a stoop
than a shake but thanks!
- [Pillow] There's nothing
wrong with you, sweetheart.
- Huh, who said that?
- I did daddy.
- Why are you calling me daddy?
- Because I'm dying to fuck you, silly.
- We're all dying to fuck you.
- We're motel pillows, sugar,
we're down for anything.
- But I'm with Jessi.
- But why?
She's so difficult.
- And she doesn't
understand that you're 40
and a celebrated magician.
- Pillows on the other hand.
- We're easy.
- And we're also way into group sex.
- Oh, I'm really not.
- I could just watch.
- Still, I don't think--
- Come on, fuck my wife.
- Oh boy.
- Yeah, fuck me.
- I'll just sit in the
corner like a sad cock
and play with my little tag.
- Look, man, maybe.
- Besides, I can keep a
secret bro, my lips stay shut
when I'm not sucking you off.
- Oh, wow.
(moaning)
Holy shit, man.
- See, I told you I could
do things Susette couldn't,
I'm a dude.
(moaning)
- God, I love fucking you both.
Oh my god!
- I'm on fire!
- Oh shit!
- The flambe!
- What do I do?
- Put me out with your cum, obviously!
(moaning)
- Oh no!
I'm out of Jay juice!
- What the hell's going on in here?
(screaming)
(kissing)
- What the fuck?
- Jay?
- I couldn't help it,
she was irresistible.
She's still heavy with your musk, bro.
- And if you want Brad,
then I want him too.
- Why don't you join us?
We want to suck the honey
out of your baklava.
- If everybody wants me,
then they can have me!
(cheering)
(moaning)
(barking)
- I'm proud of Jay.
(mood music)
- Oh, hey.
Oh, is that?
Let me take care of it.
(dramatic music)
(grunting)
(moaning)
