Hey there!
We often think of communication as being verbal;
that is, performed using words.
But there is another element to it: the nonverbal,
the signals and the messages that we send
using our body in a conversation.
We call this body language, and mastering
it is key to appearing more confident, interesting,
and impressive.
In other words, you need good body language
to be a successful communicator.
So, in this video, I’m going to teach you
four body language tricks that you can use
to impress anyone in a conversation.
Let’s jump into it.
Number one is something I’m sure you’ve
heard many times when it comes to body language:
smile.
Your smile should express your confidence
and enthusiasm.
Avoid the resting face: the resting face is
when your face is totally relaxed, showing
no emotion.
This is my resting face.
Do you like it?
Do you want me to talk to you like this…
for the rest of the video?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
Isn’t this a lot better?
However, a word of caution: it’s just not
humanly possible to smile all the time.
If you keep smiling artificially, your facial
muscles will grow tired, and your smile will
look fake.
And a fake smile can actually have a negative
effect on your listener.
So, the solution is smile broadly at the start
of the conversation (that is when you meet
someone), and at the end (when you say goodbye).
But during the rest of the conversation, wear
a soft smile on your face: just enough to
show that you’re engaged in the discussion.
This will make you appear genuine and fully
present.
Number two is make eye contact.
You should do this both when you’re speaking
and when you’re listening.
After all, the annoying thing is when you’re
talking to somebody, and their eyes are darting
all across the room.
Instead, in any conversation, your focus should
be your partner’s eyes.
But, of course, I realize that there is a
problem with that.
When we keep looking into someone’s eyes
without looking away, it can get uncomfortable
pretty quickly with a lot of tension building
up the two pairs of eyes.
So, here’s a simple rule for you to follow:
Make eye contact and hold it for a few seconds
(about seven to ten seconds).
You don’t have to count in your head; just
hold eye contact until you start to feel that
tension.
Then, blink away to the side (just a little
bit), and blink back.
This will release that tension.
Now, I say blink because if I’m looking
at you, and I suddenly look away, it’s too
distracting.
So: eye contact for a few seconds as we’re
talking; you start to feel the tension building;
you blink away and then you blink back.
Practice this until it feels natural.
Number three is use good posture.
Posture refers to how you stand or sit: basically,
how you position your body.
There are three keys to good posture.
The first is: Keep your back straight One
of the most common mistakes I see in my trainees
(both in conversations and in public speaking
situations) is a rounded back with hunched
shoulders.
This signals a lack of confidence.
At the same time, you don’t want to puff
up your chest like you’re ready for a fight.
So, imagine a piece of thread, a string going
up your spine, up through the back of your
head, and out from the top like you’re a
puppet.
Now, what would happen if somebody pulled
on the thread?
Your back would straighten, and your shoulders
would drop to a natural position.
This is a posture which expresses strength
and confidence; this is how you want to be.
The second key to good posture is keep your
chin level with the other person’s chin
– you don’t want to be looking up at them,
because that looks like you’re suspicious,
and you don’t want to be looking down like
you feel superior.
Instead, maintain a straight line from underneath
your chin to the other person’s.
Even if that person is taller or shorter than
you, this straight line will make sure that
your eyes are centered on theirs.
The final element of good posture is Keep
the center lines aligned.
Now, you might be surprised to hear this,
but the center line of your body is what indicates
your point of interest.
Let me demonstrate.
{I turn away} Now, I’m looking at you, my
face is pointed towards you, and I’m talking
to you, but am I really interested in you?
Where’s my point of interest?
My point of interest is whatever is on this
side because my body is pointed in this direction.
{I turn back} But, what about now?
Now, you are my point of interest.
This is very important in body language.
Your center line should be aligned with that
of your conversation partner.
And here’s a good way to ensure that: Think
of your heart.
The human heart is about in the center of
the chest.
Imagine that your heart is shooting arrows
of positivity – and you want to aim these
arrows exactly at the other person.
If you do this, your center line will be aligned
with that of your partner.
This position shows that you are fully engaged
and interested in this conversation.
So, the three keys to good posture are keep
your back straight, keep your chin level,
and keep the center lines aligned.
And finally, body language trick number four
is control your hands.
In any natural conversation, we use our hands
a lot.
We make lots of gestures.
This is good, and it’s natural.
The problem is when you don’t have control
over it.
Oftentimes, when we have conversations in
a foreign language like English, we might
have trouble coming up with the right words
or ideas, and this ups our anxiety level.
And as a result of that, our heart rate speeds
up, our speech rate increases, and our hand
gestures get out of control.
It’s as if our hands begin to speak a language
of their own.
What message does this send to the listener?
Well, it tells the listener that you’re
nervous or that you lack confidence.
So, here’s what you should do: make slow
and controlled movements like I’m doing
now.
This shows that you are in control of the
situation, and that commands respect from
your listener.
If you find yourself getting nervous, begin
to focus on your breathing and consciously
slow down your movements.
Avoid fidgeting, that is playing with an object,
your clothing or even just with your hands.
Now, making controlled movements takes practice.
So, you need to get in front of a mirror.
I recommend that you spend a few minutes every
day just practicing controlled hand gestures.
Get in front of your mirror and talk about
something – it could be anything.
As you talk, focus on maintaining a firm posture
(remember the string?).
Notice your hand gestures, slow yourself down
and make controlled movements.
Pretty soon, you will see a big difference
in your own body language.
You, and other people, will notice that you
appear more confident and more impressive
than ever before.
So, those are the four body language tricks
you can use to impress anyone: Smile, make
eye contact, use good posture, and control
your hands.
Remember that the most important thing is
to practice.
Learn to notice your own body language in
conversations and to keep improving yourself.
That is the one true path to becoming a highly
successful communicator.
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As always, happy learning and I will see you
in another lesson soon.
