Good morning Hank it's Tuesday.
The ice I’m skating on is
getting pretty thin at the moment.
That line incidentally has
become such a cliche that it’s
easy to forget how terrifying it would
be to actually skate on thin ice;
like as you glide away from shore,
you become progressively less
certain that the ground beneath
you will hold, which come to think
of it is not a terrible metaphor for 2020.
Now I am conscious of how
incredibly fortunate I am in
these hard times--to have a
safe place to live, work I can
do from home, a healthy family,
and so on--but nonetheless
I am struggling. For starters,
I’m burnt out--not just with work
but also, like a lot of parents I know,
with the challenges of trying to help
kids through a time of immense
uncertainty and also the constant
management and analysis of exposure risk.
Also there’s just the mental health
problems that I brought in to this--
like the endless thought loops and
stultifying compulsions of OCD are
nothing if not annoyingly monotonous.
And there is something a little
soul-destroying about being
forced to think the same thoughts
over and over and over again,
regardless of whether they
are useful or productive.
But this is a video about
joy and hope.
I will get to that, but first,
I feel this ice-is-getting-pretty-thin
feeling not just personally but
also on a macro level, because my
nation is experiencing an explosion
of new Covid-19 cases, even as
many other countries are making
serious progress with the pandemic.
And that’s frustrating, like last week,
in my home state of Indiana,
which has a population under seven
million people, there were more
new COVID cases and deaths than
there were in the nation of Germany,
which has a population of over 83 million.
And Indiana is one of the better states,
Covid-wise. It’s so frustrating
and heart breaking to see so much
unnecessary suffering and death
caused by the failure of our political
and public health systems,
and I don’t know what to do about it.
I feel overwhelmed by the
problem, and powerless before it.
I mean, the last twelve weeks have
been the deadliest twelve week period
in the United States in many decades.
And there are still people
saying that this is a hoax!
But I’m trying to make this
a video about hope and joy.
Hank, now that your book has
been out for a week I feel like
I can share my favorite quote from it.
There’s no spoilers in it or anything.
There are many great lines in the
book and my copy of it is extensively
dog-eared, but my very favorite line is,
“you will always struggle with not
feeling productive until you accept
that your own joy can be something
you produce. It is not the only thing
you make, nor should it be,
but it is something valuable and beautiful.”
God, I love that line Hank.
I was thinking about it last night
as I got out of bed around midnight
because I couldn’t sleep.
And I was like, you know what, I’m going
to produce some of my own joy.
And then I spent the next five hours
watching Robbie Gonzalez explain
to me how Rubik’s Cubes work.
Now Hank, you know I have very
limited spatial intelligence.
Like I’ve lived in my neighborhood
for thirteen years and I couldn’t draw
you a map of it. You know those
children’s jigsaw puzzles with
like 25 pieces? I can’t do them.
AND YET, last night with the help of
Robbie Gonazelez and anxious insomnia,
I FINISHED A RUBIK’S CUBE AFTER
30 YEARS OF FAILURE, I did it.
And in the process, I
produced some of my own joy.
Now it’s not like I made a vlogbrothers
video or a podcast episode or
answered the emails I’m behind on,
but it also wasn’t time wasted.
Hank, that line from your book
has been really revelatory for me
because it has given me permission to
produce joy even when I’m so worried
and when so much is so horrible.
I must make room for seeking and
making joy because that is what
cultivates hope. Let me know in comments
if you can where you’ve been able
to make or find joy these days.
I really recommend Rubik’s Cubes, which,
just to reiterate, I DID THIS WITH MY
OWN TWO HANDS and the help
of a step-by-step Youtube tutorial.
Hank, I’ll see you on Friday.
