Here's a challenge for you: I want you to
take a minute and I want you to think
about those moments when you feel like
you are your best self. What are you
doing? Where are you? Who are you with? 
And then I want you to think about when
you're being not your worst self, but
your default self, the self that you are
when you're not making conscious choices,
when you're just letting yourself be
carried by the tide of everyday, mundane
life. I don't know if those two
categories are useful for the rest of
you, but they're certainly useful for me.
It's September 12th, so we're more than a
third of the way through the month, and
I'm starting to feel that mid-month
slump. I'm starting to wish that I had
clever video ideas. I've been at my new
job for a week and I'm starting to get a
sense for the routine of things. I'm back
to commuting, which I don't love, but I'm
used to, and I'm thinking, as I often do,
about David Foster Wallace's
commencement speech, "This is Water."
There's a line towards the very end of
the speech that always catches in my
brain. In fact, I quoted it in an email I
wrote earlier this week. David Foster
Wallace says, "It is unimaginably hard to
do this, to stay conscious and alive in
the adult world, day in and day out."
It's what I'm trying to do with you right now,
looking into that camera lens. To make a
decision to do something, to think about
something specific, to share those
thoughts with people instead of just
coming home and collapsing onto the
couch, throwing on some Netflix show so
that there's noise in the background
while I scroll through Instagram on my
phone. There's another line that always
sticks in my brain. It's from Sunday in
the Park with George, and in fact that
show has a lot of lines that stick in my
brain, but one that I quote often is this:
Dot says, "The choice may have been
mistaken, the choosing was not."
So when I think about those two categories,
my best self and my default self,
my default self is the one that is too tired
 to make choices. My default self is
the one that does the thing that's
easy, chooses the path of least
resistance. I don't think that this is
bad necessarily, not all the time, but I
do think that it's a dangerous mindset
to get stuck in. My best self, conversely,
is the one that's making choices.
Sometimes that choice is fairly simple.
Sometimes it's as easy as shutting off
my phone and really watching the movie
I'm watching, choosing something to pay
attention to.
Sometimes that choice is to go for a jog
when I get home and feel tired, because I
know that I actually won't get more
energy back from sitting on the couch;
I'll get some energy back from forcing
myself to get out of the house and move
my body. If I'm scared of anything
coming into this new full-time job that
I've got, it's not the job, it's not the
commute, it's not fitting in—it's the
fear of what a 40-hour workweek does.
It's a fear of not having enough time or
of not being able to use that time
wisely.
I remember thinking towards the end of
high school, and then again towards the
end of university, that I had better make
as much stuff as I possibly could,
that I wouldn't have that kind of
opportunity ever again. And I'm not
going to. Life is never going to be the way
that it was then, but it'll be this. It'll
be a new normal, and I'll find ways of
carving out time for creativity in my
life. Just you watch me. Fellow VEDSies, I
hope all of you are surviving this
mid-month period. Maybe you're feeling
the slump or maybe you're just getting
started. I can't wait to see what all of
you come up with for the rest of the
month. Remembering to stay conscious and
pay attention to things—that gets me
through my days. What gets you through
yours?
hey you guys want to say hi
to the camera?
hello. yeah. hi, buster. yes. you're
such a good boy.
what have you been thinking about lately,
ash? what's been on your mind?
calculus.
calculus? wow.
come on, baby.
bye!!
