Hey everybody, my name's Duke,
and I have the esteemed pleasure of welcoming you to the 2017 /v/GAs.
I'd figured I'd write my own intro speech this year because...
well, why the hell not?
So, a new year has begun. And with it, we take the time to look back at what we loved and hated
about the wild world of vidya.
In all seriousness, I wanted to take a moment to thank you all.
Not just our amazing audio and video teams who outdo themselves time and time again.
Nor just our web crew who gave us mountains of loot boxes to open this year
Not just our team of writers either who make us all seem like we actually know what the fuck we're talking about.
No, I wanted to thank all of you watching this right now.
Whether you nominated, voted, shitposted in our Discord or the threads,
or just sat down with us to watch along and have a blast....
Thank you.
It's cliche, I know, but it's true that none of this would be possible without you.
We really do owe everything to all of you, so thank you for helping us make the 2017 /v/GAs our biggest year yet.
Yes,
even you, weird dude who refuses to stop jizzing all over his Animal Crossing amiibos.
I love all you insufferable assholes on /v/. Don't change one bit.
That being said, what happens from here on out is your own damn fault.
[INTRO: Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow]
TABLET MODE AWARD
FOR WORST VISUALS
The nominees are:
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite
Nidhogg 2
LawBreakers
[SOURCE CLIP: "To who?"]
[SOURCE CLIP: "To whom, and your god damned father.]
Mass Effect Andromeda
"Sorry... my face is tired from dealing with... everything. And right now..."
"I just want to know what happened with Alec. Not how he died..."
And the winner is
Mass Effect Andromeda
Bioware's graphics have never truly been top-notch,
but they've never been shy to show what a game will look like as a final product.
Dragon Age 2 in particular was notorious for having some of the worst promotional images /v/ has ever seen.
The unveiling of Mass Effect Andromeda, however, would result in a plethora of bull shots and pre-rendered cinematics
devised entirely for the gaming press--
which, sadly, wasn't all that impressive.
by the time the first trailer had uploaded to YouTube,
/v/ had already churned out countless webms from the reveal hours earlier.
When the game released in March, it wasn't as bad as we all thought it would be,
it was immensely worse.
Somehow they skipped the part
where you downgrade the game from the E3 promo
and went straight to the part where you begin to deconstruct it.
From horrid bugs, to insane glitches, graphics, and animation that even made its own fans groan,
BioWare's ineptitude slipped through the cracks once more.
But who can really blame them?
They're only human, after all.
GUILTY PLEASURE AWARD
FOR THE GAME I LIKE BUT /v/ HATES
The nominees are:
Xenoblade Chronicles 2
Doki Doki Literature Club
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Danganrompa V3: Killing Harmony
Horizon Zero Dawn
And the winner is
Doki Doki Literature Club
This game managed to do what we all wish visual novels could.
Shatter the hopes and dreams of countless weebs everywhere.
Doki-Doki Literature Club came out of nowhere, and attracted a ton of attention for what seemed to be
another shitty free-to-play waifu sim.
A quick glance without reading into the game would indicate that it's like any other VN.
Focused on four cute anime girls and that all as well.
But the further you play, the more you begin to realize things aren't quite as they seem.
Of course, this hint is dropped at the moment
you look at Steam's tags,
but it dedicates so much time to building up this facade that you would eventually just forget about them.
Team Salvato's efforts in keeping up the charade at least tries to let blind runs be done properly.
Baiting in streamers from across the globe to make silly faces for free cash.
Still, with fame comes infamy,
as the game's 400-plus general count would come to pollute the once pleasant discussions on /v/.
There are a few who still hold onto the foolish thought that maybe someday it can be discussed once more.
But, until then, they'll bide their time and wait:
making a few more dozen threads asking what the board thought of it.
Seriously, take that shit to /vg/.
SEAL OF QUALITY AWARD
FOR BIGGEST TECHNICAL BLUNDER
The nominees are:
PlayerUnknowns Battlegrounds
For Honor
Star Wars Battlefront 2
Marvel vs.. Capcom Infinite
Mass Effect Andromeda
The numbers are in
WINNER: Mass Effect Andromeda
Here we are, nearly a year after launch and it still plays like it wasn't even tested.
We all expected it to be a disaster from the previews, but holy fuck!
We didn't expect it to be this bad.
Massive slowdowns in performance, models and textures popping in, awful motion capture rigging,
embarrassingly obvious oversights, the list just goes on.
The game was notorious for having far too many goals in mind for their small and inexperienced team.
But by the time they had trimmed down the fat and found what they wanted to make, 5 years had passed, and their
$40 million budget had already been blown through.
As many bad games as EA has published,
I don't think it's too often that an entire major studio branch gets shut down after their first game in an established series.
Regardless of whether or not you think the game is redeemable in other respects,
it's hard to deny the obvious technical flaws that remain to this day.
We're still not quite sure how they expected to shove this out the door and not get any flack for it,
but, I guess crunch time is a hell of a drug.
HYPERBOLE AWARD
FOR BEST TRAILER
The nominees are:
Sonic Mania
Super Mario Odyssey
Persona 5
Death Stranding
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Death Stranding
That's Randy dance Randy
2013 DUKE: Some of us had the sneaking suspicion that this was Snake's next sneaking mission...
Uh... heh.
And with the release of the new trailer launch was finally confirmed.
(Yeah, I'll keep coming)
2014 DUKE: Another decent piece of direction in Hideo Kojima's portfolio.
We live in hyperbolic hope that the games can replicate this consistent quality.
(Yeah, I'll keep coming)
2015 VOICEGUY: No. No, I'm sick of this fucking shit.
You caused us to sweep multiple years in a row.
Guess what the winner of next year's best trailer award is gonna be?
It goes the fucking Metal Gear Solid V as well.
Fuck you, I quit.
(Yeah, I'll keep coming)
2016 DUKE: You thought it was over? Three fucking years of this shit.
Okay, let's cut to the chase right here. The Japanese
hype man is really fucking good
at making trailers.
(Yeah, I'll keep coming)
(Yeah, I'll keep coming)
Kojima-san.
Hi, it's me, Duke.
If you could just release this fucking game...
Pretty please?
I'm fucking begging you.
/v/GA PREMIERE
PLOT AND BACKSTORY AWARD
FOR BEST REPRESENTATION OF WOMEN
The nominees are:
Xenoblade Chronicles 2
Persona 5
Nier: Automata
Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Nier: Automata
The shocking surprise that nobody could have predicted!
*clears throat*
2B's salacious fart box has completely crushed the competition this year.
Though unfortunately, not me.
Call it what you will.
Dump truck, derriere, two scoops, sweet rolls,
Little Debbie's, meat seats, jiggle jams, pudding cups...
it matters not.
The insatiable smell--
*inhales deeply*
-- taunts us like a steaming ribeye,
topped with a drizzle of au jus.
Even Platinum knew what you were expecting. I mean, come on. The game gives you an achievement for trying to see up her "disc drive".
"But that's not all she has going for her, either!"
You may point out.
Those smooth high-heeled boots.
That perfectly placed keyhole.
The blindfold so she can't see your
embarrassingly small erection.
She's strong. She's kind. And she doesn't rely on being saved by other characters.
No matter what you're into, she has something to appeal towards everyone.
Yes, 2B has truly earned her place amongst the gaming goddesses, giving a new meaning to the phrase,
"robutt."
Oh, and A9... exists... too.... I guess.
AESTHETICS AWARD
FOR BEST VISUAL AESTHETICS
WINNER: Cuphead
Though Studio MDHR lacks the prestigious polish that can only come from a
$200,000 CalArts degree, Cuphead harks back to the Golden Age of Animation,
something that South Korean slaves, sadly, have been unable to recreate.
Studio MDHR worked painstakingly hard on every frame of animation with such passion,
that it's probably the first animation >>>/co/ has enjoyed in the last decade.
(hi guys!)
The character designs are spot-on, the score is diverse, and its animations and effects are both gorgeous.
The boys did their research,
setting the standards for an art style that had never really been done all that well before.
From vivid colors to fascinating new ideas, Cuphead is the result of just a few lads who love games so much
they wanted to share that love with everyone else in the world.
*smooch*
*smooching continues*
[SMOOCHING INTENSIFIES]
KAMIGE AWARD
FOR BEST EROGE
The nominees are:
PlayHome
Meltys Quest
Imouto Paradise! 2
Monmusu Quest: Paradox 2nd
Nekopara Vol. 3
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Nekopara Vol. 3
A cat is fine too.
A cat harem is even finer.
Nekopara's back for its third--
technically fourth--installment, and drags you back to the catgirl bakery Le Soleil, to embrace this honestly
degenerate and shameless world.
Once again, you're put back into the control of Kashou,
to solve whatever problems that Cinnamon and Maple may come across with lessons on
"comforting" people.
Joined by their numerous friends conveniently spanning several different body and personality types, you run
your little shop and handle plenty of spoons and cream
While you spoon,
and cream.
Remember to lock your door. Turn up chest-bounce for maximum jigglin',
And get that H-scene box ticked for a hell of a good time.
WORST PUBLISHER AWARD
FOR WORST PUBLISHER OF 2017
The nominees are:
Electronic Arts
Activision
Bethesda
BioWare
Konami
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Electronic Arts
For a company with two giant golden turds on their mantle, you would imagine
they would eventually start to get the hint.
Yet for I don't even know how many years in a row,
EA has fucked us once more, and never even bothered to call in the morning.
Whether it's nickel and diming and dedicated fans, or pissing off the ones belonging to another franchise entirely.
EA's shitty practices continue to scourge the gaming world more and more every year.
Between the Star Wars lovers, the Mass Effect fanbase,
and the general gaming community as a whole, I'm not sure who should be the most upset.
Unfortunately, it looks like yet again, they failed to learn a single lesson from their controversies, as they're already back at it again.
I've gotta say, it takes some serious
dedication on their part to effectively piss off half the Internet every other week!
But spending that much "time and effort" should give them a good sense of pride and accomplishment,
every time they finally win these awards.
(I'm in this for the money!)
NICHE AWARD
FOR BEST GAME NOBODY PLAYED
The nominees are:
Etrian Odyssey 5: Beyond The Myth
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
Puyo Puyo Tetris
Snake Pass
Wonderboy: The Dragon's Trap
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Puyo Puyo Tetris
The six of us who actually bought this game must be pretty pumped right now, I'd imagine.
Yes, it's the best of both worlds, bringing together a titanic series, and Puyo Puyo.
Long forgotten by both east and west, to some unholy communion dedicated to nervous laughter and ripping out hair.
The game's fun story mode will give you some laughs, and ease you into the mechanics,
but may god have mercy on your soul when it comes to the two games swapping out or fusing together
like some kind of inbred Voltron.
Puyo Puyo Tetris slipped under everyone's radar as a result of Sega focusing on Sonic and Miku this year.
But it seems to have found its place among the fans.
It's merciless, it's balls-to-the-wall.
It's got cute girls, and even cuter blocks.
And it's so goddamn fun that it fit this award like an I-Block in the corner of your grid.
>shadman
[INTRO: I wrote a haiku...]
PIXEL5 AWARD
[Oh wait...]
FOR MOST PRETENTIOUS GAME
FOR MOST PRETENTIOUS GAME
[I need to... put on my monocole first.]
The nominees are:
Night In The Woods
LawBreakers
Life is Strange: Before the Storm
Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Doki Doki Literature Club
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Life Is Strange: Before the Storm
Can somebody tell me why this game exists?
Why even bother playing it, knowing full well what happens to them in the original game?
None of them were really great enough characters to justify more.
We all knew Chloe was a middle-aged writer's attempt at sounding young,
the last thing we needed was for them to try and sound younger.
Was it made to give us more insight as to why we should hate everything and everybody in this town?
To make it all the more satisfying to see her in that bed as an invalid.
Basically everything that happens in this game just makes you further hate everyone in this town.
But it does so with a slightly different coat of paint.
Prequels are hard to master,
especially when they're centered around dead characters,
but let's just hope we won't be seeing the series dredged up again any time soo-
wait
shit
Dontnod already announced that they were working on a sequel.
See you again next year.
Perhaps this one will be set at a time before Chloe was born.
/v/GA PREMIERE
HALL- A AWARD
FOR BEST WRITING AND/OR STORY
The nominees are:
Persona 5
Doki Doki Literature Club
Nier: Automata
Divinity: Original Sin II
Yakuza 0
And the winner is:
Nier: Automata
Taro sure does love his storytelling, doesn't he?
An adventure through post-apocalyptic Earth culminates in several different endings,
some heartbreaking, some silly, all establishing the narrative through different perspectives and mediums.
Remember, this is a game in which the player doesn't get the full story unless they beat it five times.
Nier thrives on the interactions between 9S and 2B to help further flesh out their characters,
and uses side quests to reveal important information about the world of Automata.
The game manages to be the more optimistic of the Drakengard series,
showing how humanity and its creations can escape the cycle of violence and hatred.
Of course, like the game itself, we have 26 ways to end this speech,
but only one of them ends the way you want.
DEVIANTART AWARD
FOR WORST CHARACTER
The nominees are:
Grace Walker
Chloe Price
Iden Versio
Ryder
Peebee
The numbers are in!
Peebee!
Peebee gives credit to the phrase "looks aren't everything".
That's why she's here: her personality is just as obnoxious.
BioWare's usual take on the quirky, silly, femme-fatale super genius has been played time and time again in the past.
But where others, like Tali and Liara manage to garner some affection due to their underplayed, quiet nature--
*clears throat*
Tali best waifu
--it becomes increasingly obvious that those personalities don't carry over well.
Especially if the character is intentionally trying to appear that way.
Her goofball antics are just as jarring in several situations where, even for a BioWare game,
you expect a level of seriousness.
Advancing your relationship with her requires some dumb decisions and equally stupid lines.
Everything about her character feels like it was written ironically,
as if your crew should have eliminated her when they had the chance.
A game where you can run, soar and fly
A game where you can stop, and take a deep sigh
A big old world, with sights to see
And seeds to collect, anywhere you can be
You've got horses, and shrines, and dynamic grass,
And a cute little Zelda,
with a tight little ass
A game you can play, naked in confinement
See that mountain?
That's right,
you can climb it.
[INTERMISSION START]
The best to (You)!
From K-Mart radio!
K-M-R-T!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, my name is Christian Chandler.
I am here, and y'all are there.
They call themselves Anonymous! They are hackers on steroids.
LULZ is a corruption of
L
O
L
Which stands for laugh out loud.
I guess it'd be unsuccessful in the traditional,
yeah, uhh..
the term of success.
GOOD LUCK
[INTERMISSION END]
HATE MACHINE AWARD
FOR CRIMES AGAINST GAMING
The nominees are:
EA
Lootboxes
SJWs
Star Wars: Battlefront II
Creation Club
The numbers are in!
EA
At some point we'll need to stop having this fucking award.
EA probably had one of their worst years in history, as it failed to deliver
anything good with multiple games like Mass Effect Andromeda and Star Wars Battlefront II.
But, then there's the elephant in the room.
Look, it's not unheard of to milk the shit out of your games,
but usually the publishers aren't dumb enough to lock half of its actual content behind an array of loot boxes,
while still charging gamers full price.
Unfortunately, this isn't any ordinary stupid we're dealing with, here.
By setting the requirements to unlock characters so high on launch,
it would take people about 40 hours of multiplayer to unlock a single character.
To put that into context, you can beat Sonic Forces ten times
in the amount of time it takes to play as Darth Vader or Yoda.
But, at least they took out the lootboxes, right?
Oh.
Shit, wait...
I guess they're coming back already!
Well, I guess they can't sell games as a service if they don't charge you for that service.
That'll be $4.99,
plus tip.
PARAPPA THE AWARD
FOR BEST SOUNDTRACK
Hieeeeeeeeeyattatatatah!
Keiichi Okabe presented us with fantastic works with his last two Taro games, and only continues the trend in Automata.
Nier: Automata's soundtrack covers a wide range of emotions,
from somber to cheerful, to tense, to peaceful,
this time even incorporating dynamic music with as many as nine different stems
dedicated to a single track.
A lot of love went into the creation of Automata's soundtrack, and that emotion comes through in each song.
It's fast,
calming, somber, depressing, joyful, and it blends together perfectly.
The entire soundtrack is good in its own right,
but it's the subtleties that you would miss without examining it on its own, that are in the game it's positioned.
Okabe's work shined through, exemplifying his passion for the project.
Bringing us one of the most dynamic and impressive soundtracks we've ever heard.
GOOD DEED AWARD
FOR REDEMPTION IN GAMING
The nominees are:
Sonic Mania
[Video: 
GEOFF: Yes, all right, well, thank you so much Reggie
Nintendo
[... a great announcement we're excited to hear more about what uh Nintendo does]
[.. in 2018. Thank you.
REGGIE: You know, Jeff, you thought I came all the way up here...]
[for only one announcement?]
*mixed applause*
[GEOFF: I don't know!]
Nier: Automata
Cuphead
Resident Evil 7: Biohazard
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Nintendo
Nintendo threw a real curveball at us with the reveal of the Switch.
Just what in the hell was that thing, anyway?
Nobody really had any clue what to expect, but somehow, they put out some fucking great games,
and a nifty little device to go with it.
Nintendo rose from their ashes like the proverbial Phoenix, and has churned out
what looks to be smashing sales records here and there. They're winning back the trust the Wii U cost them.
Learning to adapt and drop some of the more archaic features of video games in the past
has helped the quality of their consoles immensely this year.
Region locking is gone,
storage is no longer read in "blocks", most demos aren't limited use, and games update and get DLC
without a hassle.
The solid first party titles, remastered Wii U titles that were once overlooked, and a surprising amount of otherwise oddly chosen
third-party titles have given it an interesting first year lineup that landed it some brownie points after the last few years.
Hell, even the Metroid fans had some stuff in the pipes for once.
Under any other brand, pumping out an underpowered handheld is considered a killing blow.
But it's okay when Nintendo does it.
All kids out of the pool! It's time for the 
GOLDEN BROOM AWARD
FOR WORST GAME TO SWEEP THE /v/GAs!
GET OUT OF THE POOL! COME ON, LET'S GO!
The nominees are:
Monster Girl Quest: Chapter 3
The Walking Dead
Undertale
Metal Gear Solid V
Gone Home
And the winner of this award is:
Winner: GONE HOME
*clears throat*
You just had to let this fuckin' game
win again, because you see Gone Home on the nominee list, and you're all like...
Ooooh! That game was
FUCKING SHIT!
WELL I'LL FUCKIN' TELL YOU SOMETHING /v/!
FUCK OFF AND THIS BULLSHIT
FUCKING CIRCLE JERK ABOUT A WALKING SIMULATOR!
THERE'S MUCH WORSE GAMES OUT THERE,
CONSIDERING THE FACT IN 2015
YOU GUYS SAID YOU HATED BOTH THE UNDERTALE FANBASE
AND THE UNDERTALE HATE BASE, AND UNDERTALE'S THERE.
IT'S THERE IN PINK, SHINING FUCKING LIGHTS!
AND WHAT DO YOU FUCKING DO?
YOU VOTE FOR GONE.
FUCKING.
HOME.
OHHHHHHHHHHH!
YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND MY FRUSTRATION!
You wonder why no one likes to go on /v/,
you wonder why people go to fucking Reddit!
It's because you cunts can't see through your STUPIDITY.
AND YOU KEEP VOTING
FOR THESE FUCKING SHIT GAMES!
*sobs*
The amount of sweeps, it's not our fault, you do realize that right?
We don't rig the awards.
You cunts vote Doom in every fucking year, or whatever, whenever it's fucking released.
And then you go "Oooh...Wahh!!!"
"Why did it sweep?"
If you didn't vote for it,
IT WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKIN' SWEEPED,
WOULDN'T IT?
*sobbing continues*
You fucking idiots... fuck off.
FUCK OFF!
I enjoy these awards.
Go fuck yourself!
FUCK OFFFFFFFF
HIGH INTELLIGENCE BESTOW
I'M DOING A PHD IN NEOSCIENCE AFTER READING A WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE ABOUT IT
The nominees for this award are as followed:
Bloodshed In The Realms of The Galaxy: A Sequel to The Previous Installment
Nazi Bang Bang Shooter
Perhaps the best game on this list!
The Existence That We Live In Is Rather Offbeat: The Time Before A Calamitous Coincidence
Massive Effects of Quantum Energy Going By The Name of Andromeda
The Blue Hedgehog of the Erinaceidae Family Joining Forces With Other Likewise Primate
The champion of this bestow is awarded to the video game known as:
Mass Effect Andromeda
Who on terra firma witnessed this approaching?
Excellent abstraction as we aren't on terra firma though, we're in the Andromeda extragalactic nebulae!
A topographic point where we are capable of pretermitting the imperfections of quondam!
A unexampled boundary where humanness has ne'er approached prior.
A readjust release where we can...
*sighs*
And everything went to shit.
Once more.
The only fluctuation is that this figure took deuce-ace hours to metamorphose time worn, and haggard,
aside from ternion video romps.
Andromeda is, perchance, the unsurpassable internal representation of a squandered possibleness,
where they could have made a diverting infinite expanse
dangerous undertaking where you investigate the macrocosm and substantiate a bridgehead.
They settled, as an alternative, to opt for what they're incomparable, or mayhap,
inferior with.
Nervy personation departing on an escapade to terminate an ancient mephistophelean.
It's the unvarying quotidian, performed no better than it was the utmost
influence BioWare attempted to fashion an assemblage occupied with attribute and character,
beyond soapbox theatrical roles!
The distressing conception of the cognitive content is, the effectuation BioWare approximated Andromeda.
It's overt they cared more astir exploring your squadmates' consistence,
than ethereal ones.
/v/GA PREMIERE
/vr/ AWARD
FOR BEST GAME RELEASED IN 1997
The nominees are:
Castlevania: Symphony of the Knight
Fallout
Mario Kart 64
GoldenEye 007
Final Fantasy VII
And the winner is:
Castlevania: Symphony of the Knight
What is a masterpiece?
A game that would go on to establish the direction of the series.
If that alone doesn't state how great it was,
I don't know what will.
For the first time since Castlevania III, you played as Alucard himself,
sprawling through the labyrinth of his father's manor like an open world,
searching for Richter, and learning the mystery of his strange behavior.
Delve through every nook and cranny?
You'll even be rewarded with a completely inverted map doubling the size of the game.
Want a new experience?
Play Richter mode, giving the game an entirely different pace and play style.
The expansion on RPG elements lets casuals grind past tough spots while
skillful players can use their reactions and intuition to blow right through it.
Symphony of the Night was an adventure in the series like we had never seen before,
and is still to this day held in the hearts of millions as one of their favorite games, even after all these years.
[VIDEO: Series of Tubes music video plays]
[VIDEO: This is Sparta remix plays]
UNREGISTERED HYPERCAM 2 AWARD
FOR BEST 2007 GAME
ThE NoMiNeEs ArE:
Team Fortress 2
Portal
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3
BioShock
Super Mario Galaxy
And the winner is:
Super Mario Galaxy
The world was not enough for Mario. So, he took players to space.
Super Mario Galaxy treads that nostalgic and familiar 3D Mario movement people came to expect from Mario 64 and Sunshine,
and turned it into something new and original.
Every world is unique and different, and every area is captured with that consistent new frontier theme,
etched into the music composition.
The gravity mechanic was a novel idea that gave the game some great platforming, coupled with some fun power-ups,
Luigi being Luigi, and introducing the best girl of the series.
A solid "Bing Bing, Wahoo" that makes great use of the Wii's controls, and introduces a "girlfriend mode",
so you can spend the evening with the one you love, working together
If you thought Galaxy was great, though,
just wait until the 2020 /v/GAs when its improved sequel gets nominated.
/v/IRGIN AWARD
FOR BEST NEW IP
The nominees are:
Cuphead
Hollow Knight
A Hat In Time
Ruiner
Nioh
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Cuphead
Like it was stewing in a crock-pot all these years: The longer we waited, the better it got.
Yes, the boys got themselves into quite a predicament here, and what an adventure it turns out to be!
Cuphead's unique combination of style and substance gives it the cover it needs to lure you in and break your spirit,
having both artistic appearances,
and autistic difficulty.
It's certainly had its share of shitposts,
but, to everyone's surprise,
it actually deserves the love and attention of a blockbusting vaudeville thriller.
Cuphead's challenging-fun experience is topped off by its big band and ragtime musical score, rubber-hose animation, and
lovable cast of silly characters.
The game deserves all the recognition it gets.
And, for once,
/v/ is finding itself praising a literal Chad.
/v/GA PREMIERE
PRESS X TO WIN [THE] AWARD
FOR WORST GAMEPLAY
The nominees are:
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Sonic Forces
Mass Effect: Andromeda
1-2-Switch
Star Wars Battlefront II
And the winner is:
Mass Effect: Andromeda
Andromeda is a showcase of the decade-long metamorphosis the Mass Effect series underwent.
From a clunky, yet endearing RPG; to a generic space shooter with "RPG elements".
Taking no hints from other open-world games,
the environments usually resulted in massive empty areas with little or nothing of value in-between
points A and B, and some rocks to point your wrist at.
The shooting mechanics were painfully average. Online gameplay was almost non-existent after a week.
Exploration wasn't that interesting, and your squad was just dreadful to interact with.
The original series had some moments of downtime in between the missions,
but Andromeda swapped that and now you have missions in-between downtime.
In the end, the troubled development process shines through the smoke and mirrors,
as just about every aspect that they sought to improve upon with such an over-planned sequel
ended up downgraded in some way from its predecessors.
Think back to Mass Effect 1 and how much time you spent just
randomly shooting your pistol on the Citadel.
The most entertaining part of Andromeda was doing that, but with your jetpack.
"HELLO, FELLOW POSTERS" AWARD
FOR MOST BLATANTLY PROMOTED GAME
The nominees are:
Star Wars Battlefront 2
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
LawBreakers
Horizon Zero Dawn
Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus
The numbers are in!
WINNER: PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
A wise man once told me,
"Sir, you have to pay for that Lo Mein."
*chuckles* I don't speak Mandarin,
but those words really stuck with me as I brisked out of the restaurant, faster than my mind could think.
Just like PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds.
You could record yourself enjoying it, and it comes in varying levels of salt content.
And, like my lifetime ban from that wise man's restaurant,
PUBG results in its own Hunger Games,
where one struggles to survive against the odds as they scrounge around for whatever they can find.
Truly, a remarkable experience unlike anything you could ever imagine.
You should stop playing Fortnite and purchase PUBG so that you, too, can know what this experience is like.
And hell, convince your friends to buy it too. It's best experienced in groups.
Don't forget about buying on the Xbox One to play with all your console friends,
just make sure it's an Xbox One X for the best experience.
It's the most played game on Steam after all, three million peak players can't be wrong.
MOST HATED AWARD
FOR MOST HATED GAME OF THE YEAR
The nominees are:
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Mass Effect: Andromeda
LawBreakers
Destiny 2
Star Wars Battlefront II
The numbers are in!
Star Wars Battlefront II
Like some strange bizarro world,
2017's Battlefront II is to decay, as Pandemic's Battlefront II is to improvement.
They had their license, they had their prequel, they had their feedback, and they did nothing with it.
The areas they did decide to build upon such as the addition of a single-player campaign,
or more heroes in multiplayer, were hindered by low quality in the pay2win loot box scheme, respectively.
Think back to the older titles in the Star Wars franchise. The games branched out into so many different genres,
from MMOs, to racing games, to flight simulators.
We got to play in the expanded universe as Kyle Katarn in the Jedi Knight series.
Star Wars was able to apply itself across the board and they were able to do it well.
Now, however, we're going to forever be reduced to Battlefield reskins, whether you like it or not.
When Iger himself calls you up to ask what the hell you're doing, you know you fucked up.
And as flawed as the other games on this list are,
none can say they've earned the wrath of The Mouse.
Ho ho!
[VIDEO: Hi, Billy Mays here!]
[VIDEO: Are you tired of all purpose cleaners?...]
LEAST WORST AWARD
FOR THE LEAST WORST GAME OF THE YEAR
The nominees are:
Nier: Automata
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Persona 5
Super Mario Odyssey
Cuphead
The numbers are in!
WINNER: Nier: Automata
Providing the conclusion to the Nier storyline, and wrapping up one of the Drakengard universes,
Yoko Taro gave us a fantastic set of characters, gameplay, and storytelling in Automata.
The game sets out to end the cycle of violence and destruction Earth has been infested with
since the departure of humanity.
But this process is complicated when our heroes no longer become pawns in the grand scheme of things,
but self-aware of their destiny.
It's no surprise this won last year's Best Timeline Award, because when humanity fails,
who else will come to pick up the pieces?
PlatinumGames is no stranger to the /v/GAs, but they truly outdid themselves this time,
picking up awards that earlier games like Metal Gear Rising and Bayonetta 2 couldn't reach.
Their handiwork is apparent, giving us a fun, fast-paced, and extreme sense of satisfaction,
as we follow this crowd of characters to the very end.
And, each time you think it's over, there's another arc of story on the horizon.
Instead of badgering the player for loose change at every turn, the game puts your money to work on this fully-featured experience,
granting unique perspectives for the player on each run.
Far from a New Game+, this technique further incentivizes you to catch every piece of information or content that slipped by,
and most won't be satisfied until you discovered it all.
Rarely does a hack and slash RPG come made with this much love and attention crafted into it,
but, Automata turned out to be that game.
In a year that featured some of gaming's most blockbuster titles,
Nier: Automata rose above the competition,
showing once more, that hard work pays off.
Before we end, I wanted to reiterate what we said earlier and congratulate the team who put countless unpaid hours into this show.
Our web team this year did an amazing fucking job,
I'm still dumbfounded that we got that website up and running with lootboxes.
For those who are wondering, those ads and money charges were real.
Thanks for wasting your dosh - I spent all of it to make 2B real, and now,
she's my girlfriend.
I also want to give props to EA, once they released Mass Effect Andromeda it was pretty obvious
EA was in for an exciting year.
I don't think anybody predicted the Battlefront II fiasco though.
Then there's Nier: Automata,
the game that was destined to be /v/GA bait the second PlatinumGames showed up.
It also helps that the game was developed by Hide--
uh...Yoko Taro.
So tell me, /v/.
Are you punishing me?
Is this the price I'm paying for the previous 
Vidya Gaem Awards?
Another sweep?
It's a problem we've always run into with games sweeping the awards.
Sometimes we get suggestions on how to prevent people from voting for a game too many times,
but wouldn't that just be a way of rigging the show?
I think a lot about the future of the show.
Just how long can this go on?
How much Reddit influence do we have to filter before they give up and make their own award show?
Can the show actually last another year?
At this point I feel like I'm losing hope,
and my body and my soul.
And the future, well, it looks so ominous.
Is this my redemption speech?
I need the show now more than ever.
And in the end, after the laughter fades,
signs of life all washed away,
I can still feel the gentle breeze,
the smile on my face,
and the memories I can't erase.
I know the whole world is watching now.
I wish you could see what I can see.
God is calling me.
I'm going home now.
Goodbye, /v/.
Daddy loves you!!! <3
[Nier: Automata's "Weight of the World" plays]
♫ I need you more than ever right now ♫
♫ Can you hear me now? ♫
2017 VIDYA GAEM AWARDS
ENGLISH CAPTIONS BY ANONYMOUS
♫ I wish that someway, somehow ♫
♫ That I can save every one of us ♫
♫ But the truth is that I'm only one girl ♫
♫ Maybe if I keep believing my dreams will come to life ♫
♫ Come to life ♫
The /v/GAs will return
