(upbeat music)
- What is this?
What is all this?
Some kind of news?
Holy moly, folks.
I sure hope you're all hanging in there
with all the walls and floors
and stuff you can't escape.
I've taken up mind-crocheting.
It's where you imagine making yarn hats
that no one will actually wear,
but still only imagine
them about half-way done
before moving on to a
scarf because it's easier.
I'm fine, though.
We're all doing okay.
Probably a little bored.
The other day I googled
the word "everything."
Burned through all the porn,
finished the porn like a week ago.
I think my dog might be depressed,
or maybe she's just like being a dog.
I don't know.
We should probably talk about the news.
Okay, let's talk about the free market.
Our hero in the pandemic.
So there's like this
entire political party,
I won't say which,
that has invested a lot of mouth sounds
to the idea that a free
market and capitalist system
is actually good, rather
than being some sort of like
a bad thing that spreads and
isn't visible and hurts people.
Like a thing that hurts us
that we can't see that infects.
And this newsie dudesie
would argue that the best way
to assess whether or not
a system like capitalism
actually works would be
to stress test it under,
let's say, dire circumstances.
Like if America was a car
you were going to buy,
you'd first want to tool that puppy
around some steep inclines
and muddy dirt roads
to see just how well the engine holds up,
and if it is, perhaps, an
outdated and bad engine
that needs to be replaced.
I mean, sure, the dealership
will get very upset,
and honestly, I wasn't
actually going to buy the car.
But is this really a time
for litigation, Toyota?
My point is, that in this
crisis, really any help
from any source is greatly appreciated.
Especially when the federal government
is less than satisfactory at the moment.
It's a real D minus going
on in the White House.
- Now, the virus that we're
talking about having to do,
you know, a lot of people
think that goes away in April.
The risk to the American
people remains very low.
It's going to disappear.
One day it's like a
miracle, it will disappear.
Now the Democrats are
politicizing the coronavirus,
and this is the new hoax.
- So it's reasonable to
glom on to the good deeds
of CEOs and billionaires
and private corporations
going out of their way to help
with the coronavirus pandemic.
But as we talked about in the past
with those inspirational
stories of individuals
helping other people out,
because of a dystopian system
that lacks healthcare and
support for the lower class,
these tales of charitable
moneybags are less heartwarming
when you stand back and
look at the system that
is completely dependent
on CEOs and corporations
having to choose to help in a crisis.
Because for every story
about millionaire celebrities
donating a fraction of their net worth
to coronavirus relief, there
are like 10 more examples
of how the system is failing.
So we thought it'd be a real
hoot to go over those example
for your fun.
This is fun for you.
(upbeat music)
Let us start with the banks,
because they're the most terrible.
At the start of April,
we got Trump's rollout
of a paycheck protection program,
which is designed to help businesses
with fewer than 500
employees take out loans
to continue to pay their workers.
But instead of getting the money
directly from the government,
businesses were required
to send their applications
to bank themselves.
According to
the small-business
administrator Jovita Carranza,
this would be an unprecedented
public-private partnership,
where the banks would get the
money, and then be in charge
of reviewing the applications.
A very smart idea that surely
won't complicate the situation.
I'm sorry, what's that ear spider?
I'm being told that this did, in fact,
complicate the situation.
Also, yes, yes.
I will leave a cup of
my blood out tonight.
Good spider.
For starters, banks just
weren't prepared to handle
the flood of businesses,
having apparently only
received guidance for the
system hours before they were
supposed to give out loans.
Their webpages were broken,
and some banks started
limiting the employee cutoff
to 50 workers, instead of the planned 500.
So there goes the argument
that the private sector
is more efficient.
Then there was a fact that they are banks,
businesses designed to make money
off of other people's
desire to have money,
because you apparently
need money to survive.
Which is weird, you know?
This whole system and thing, we made it up
so that we need it to not die.
Anyway, one particular
bank, a Bank of America,
decided that it would be
fun to reject any applicants
who did not have existing
loans with their bank.
After everyone pointed
out how ghoulish this was,
and how it kind of defeats the purpose
of the whole, you know, plan,
they lifted that policy,
while still rejecting applicants who have
any other borrowing
relationship with another bank.
Now remember, this is a
government loan that is supposed
to have no strings attached to it.
It's supposed to be for
everyone who needs it.
But by giving the lending
power to the banks,
it's suddenly for some reason
become a game of favoritism
and corporate greed.
Bank of America, a business
designed to siphon money
off of the poor, shouldn't be in charge
of a government loan, because
they will use that power
to try to make money,
because that's what they do.
It's like putting a shark in
charge of chum distribution.
Or like a bank in charge of
lending government loans.
But I guess I'm being naive,
considering that there's
no realistic way for
the government to set up
this loan system quickly,
and during a crisis,
and therefore had to
outsource it to the banks.
Like I mean, sure.
Maybe if there was like
a government system
that actually everybody
loved, and it was very useful,
especially to people in rural areas,
but really to everybody,
and like let's say people
have been talking for years
about extending that service
to banking, despite one
political party's mission
to destroy that system.
And let's say that that
system was struggling
during a pandemic, but instead
of bailing out that one,
they were debating on
whether or not to bail out
the cruise industry.
But anyway, getting a
little off track here.
The point is there's no other choice.
The government couldn't take
care of this banking thing.
Just like how the
government couldn't do much
about dwindling hospital
supplies, groceries,
and toilet paper.
And while we'd be happy
to live in a society
where all those things were
provided by private businesses,
it sure seems that this
pandemic has reminded us
how incredibly vital those
private businesses are
to basic human life.
Like except for the toilet
paper, because come on people,
you can just jump in
the shower afterwards,
or like if you have a dog...
Nevermind.
Okay.
Except for the TP, those
other businesses are providing
things we need to survive.
They transcend the law and culture,
and are just basic necessities.
Food, shelter, water, health.
The first stuff you have
to find while playing
a game like Minecraft.
Just like real basic stuff.
We have a whole pyramid to
explain these things to people.
And yet, when pushed just
a little bit, hospitals
and grocery stores are buckling.
If you're wondering why that happened,
why both medical supplies
and food are in short supply,
it's for the same reason,
which is that these providers
were running their
business like a business.
You see, there was once a
time where grocery stores
kept months and months
of supplies on hand,
something that would have prevented
the shortages we're seeing now.
But thanks to a recession in the '90s
and the frankly understandable
need to cut costs,
they stopped doing that a few decades ago,
now carrying only four to
six weeks worth of food.
Companies didn't want to spend
a lot of money on warehouses
and supply trucks and labor,
so they downsized all of that.
And it wasn't just groceries,
but all sorts of retail
and supply companies that did this,
including hospital
supplies like face masks
and protective gloves.
As these businesses looked to cut costs,
they relied more and more
on overseas manufacturers
and algorithms designed
to optimize efficiency
by ordering the minimal amount of product
in what is called a
just-in-time supply chain.
So when the coronavirus
hit, food retailers
were selling three months worth
of product in just 10 days,
an amount that no grocery chain
actually had stored up anymore.
And the thing is, as a business
we can't really fault them
for operating as efficiently as possible.
That's what businesses do.
But it just so happens
that they are business
that once again, supply
things we need to survive
as a species.
So it's like kind of odd, you know?
It's odd that we live in a
country where those basic needs
were allowed to be controlled
by the private sector
whose main concern is making money
and beating out competitors,
and that under the
slightest bit of pressure,
those businesses fail very easily.
Now, if you're saying, "Well,
hey, hey now Good Sir News,
public hospitals aren't exactly terrific,"
you're right.
They aren't exactly terrific,
because we haven't been funding
them for a long time now.
Meanwhile, smaller non-profit
and for-profit clinics
and hospitals and practices
have fought for years
against large private
hospitals and companies
like Rite Aid and CVS taking
over and absorbing them.
We haven't paid attention,
because it was a slow process
that coronavirus is now speeding up.
So over time, the government
has given less money
to public hospitals, while
private for-profit companies
got bigger and bigger, and
what's quite interesting is
that both sides have been equally
blown away by coronavirus.
Both private and public hospitals
are being hit equally bad.
The consequence is that
they are now struggling
to pull their staff and resources,
something we now have to
cobble together a plan for.
It's a ridiculous free-for-all system
for competing businesses
that also for some reason
happen to be essential to
our survival as a species.
And we haven't even talked
about the supply shortage,
once again, caused by these
hospitals and manufacturers
running on maximum efficiency
for profit purposes.
Customers like 3M, who
supply vital face masks
for medical workers, don't
have any national loyalty
or obligation to fairly
decide which hospitals get
the new supplies they're making.
They are a business, which
is why Trump has to actually
try to threaten them into
providing masks exclusively
for the United States,
instead of the global market they serve.
We're literally stealing
supply shipments meant
for other countries
because we allowed a system
where life-saving medical
supplies were distributed
with the same mentality as iPhones.
(upbeat music)
Like don't you think it's
a smidge out of sorts,
that when a German
company started developing
a coronavirus vaccine, the
president of the United States
apparently tried to bribe
them for exclusive use.
And when you think about
it, the weirdest part
of that story isn't
necessarily Trump, but rather
that we have a situation
where there are companies
with the power to sell for profit
essential life-saving medicine
that we have to bargain over.
We really don't talk
enough about how messed up
the pharmaceutical industry is.
Enough being all the time.
All the time is how much we
should be talking about it,
until it's not the way it is right now.
Hey, did you hear the one
about a pharmaceutical
manufacturer announcing
that as a special treat for
all you coronaheads out there,
they are capping the
out-of-pocket price for insulin
that normally could go
for thousands of dollars,
even for the insured, at only $35.
A thing they could
apparently do at any time
and just didn't want to.
That's right.
That's just a thing they
can do but didn't want to,
resulting in the deaths of many people,
as part of a system we have
deemed totally not (beep) up.
You know, the system
where one company sells
an essential medication for way more money
than they need to sell it for,
forcing us to go to a second
company that gives us insurance
to buy the first thing
that we need to live.
You know, I sure wish
there were politicians
that addressed this issue and
were running for president,
which there are not.
There is no longer that thing
that we desperately need.
Aww shucks, I put myself in the dark place
just now actually...
Also known as reality.
Like we still have fun things,
like snakes and ear spiders and stuff,
but we also have this
realization that when things
really got bad out there,
our country buckled
under even a little bit of pressure,
and now states are being forced
to literally outbid each other
for life-saving supplies.
And while our special handsome
big boy is giving them
to places that will be
electorally advantageous
to him in November, it's
squarely because the system
of capitalism caused the shortage,
followed by a relief effort based
around having to buy things.
And this is the way the
government designed it to work.
Like all those face masks
and other medical supplies
the government is pirating
and claiming to have
in their emergency stockpile,
that has already been depleted
because of this, the government
didn't just take those
and hand them out to hospitals.
That would make too much sense.
If you're wondering why Trump is saying
that he's sending supplies,
but states are saying
they have to bid for those supplies,
well here's your answer.
- This product that
we're moving is primarily
a commercial product that would
enter the commercial system
and be distributed through
financial business transactions
between hospitals and these distributors.
- But just to clarify, that
explains why states say
they're bidding like they're on eBay,
because the supplies are
going to the private sector
and then they have to go
there to get the supplies.
- That's normally things work.
- Ah, yes, that's
normally how things work.
Thousands of people are dying,
but that certainly can't mean
we disregard the sweet, sweet
foundation of capitalism.
And so the government is
actually taking their supplies
and giving them to companies
to then sell to hospitals
at their own pleasure,
creating a situation
where supplies are not
given based on the need,
but who sweetens the deal the best.
That's a (beep) crime.
Instead of just serving the
public during this time of need,
we've manufactured a cool way
to make some shady-ass coronabucks.
At least one Republican fundraiser
has switched professions,
starting a new company
specifically selling coronavirus supplies.
This good capitalist named Mike Gula,
not spelled like it should be,
has been very vague about where
he actually got the supplies
he's now selling.
This connected fellow, existing in a world
where a president businessman is in charge
of handing out medical
equipment to companies to sell.
My God.
It's disgusting what is happening.
Just in the medical field.
We haven't even talked about
all the other ways capitalism
is infecting this already
infectious situation,
which is why, going back
to the start of this,
these stories of single
millionaires and CEOs
doing nice things for people
just isn't going to cut it.
For every landlord who's
very nicely suspending rent,
there are 10 more pressing
their tenants for cash
they don't have, some of
them who happen to be married
to the president's wife-daughter,
because the bottom line here is,
a system where the government
has to hope corporations
will do the right thing,
where the government
is at the mercy of CEOs,
that's not a system designed
for the people, any of the
people, including the companies.
(upbeat music)
Like this isn't a
particularly relatable take,
but the companies shouldn't
be obligated to help us.
All they want is money, and that's fine.
It's the point of a company.
I don't need to get a
daily email from Verizon
telling me how much they
care about my family.
Mark Cuban, my best friend,
shouldn't have to pay
for his employee's lunches.
They should be able to buy their own lunch
with money they have,
because they aren't worrying
about rent or healthcare or food.
The wealthy should be
taxed a lot and regularly
for the right to not have
to chip in during a crisis,
and maybe some companies,
the ones that provide basic
life needs like groceries
and Star Wars movies, well,
they should be a basic utility,
rather than an entity
trying to make a profit.
And it's weird that saying
this is viewed as extreme.
Free groceries?
"Are you mad, Cody," they
will say, those scamps,
but like, ask yourself
why we have governments
in the first place.
Why do we have technological advances?
Why do we have progress at all?
A government doesn't exist
just to make and enforce laws.
It's an evolving infrastructure
designed to ensure
the wellbeing of its own citizens,
life, liberty, and the
pursuit of happiness.
Side note, pursuit of happiness
was originally property,
but they were like,
"Oh, we can't let everybody have property,
let's make it vague, the
pursuit of happiness."
Anyway, the Founding Fathers were dicks.
But the point is, capitalism is just,
it's so ingrained in us
that we refuse to advance
for the sake of a handful of huge wallets.
We (beep) love rich
people for some reason.
But the idea that the
rich will somehow save us
is a story we've been telling
from "A Christmas Carol" to "Batman."
No, Bruce Wayne shouldn't have to dress up
like a rubber gargoyle and fight crime.
He should just pay more
taxes so that Gotham
can have essential welfare services,
and perhaps renovate their asylum.
Scrooge shouldn't be
pushed to charitable acts
by time-traveling ghosts, but rather die
and have his body eaten by
all the lower class Muppets,
who would definitely eat
people if they had the chance.
So really, why can't we have a government
that actually takes care
of people, that provides
the baseline resources we need to survive.
We can still have rich-ish
people, movies, fancy outfits,
whatever Quibi is, pets, video games,
but in a world where the
lower class is elevated,
rather than being systematically destroyed
because of some twisted
concept of fairness
and the, "Why, I didn't have
any help when I was your age,
so you shouldn't get it either,"
mentality of a generation
that spent their 20s in one
of the best economic decades,
and paid almost 4,000% less for college.
Come the (beep) on.
You think a Star Trek universe
was birthed from capitalism?
They don't even have money.
They're out there in space
just paying each other
with respect or reputation or something.
I'm not sure how that
system works, actually.
Like they have replicators,
but also people working
service jobs, but no money too.
Is it like, do they pay with life years,
like that movie "In Time,"
with Justin Timberlake?
You know, whatever,
they're happy is my point,
with all the holodecks and
weird classical music concerts,
and just like all the unprotected sex.
One imagines.
One imagines a lot.
Stay safe everyone, love you.
(upbeat music)
I'm not horny, you're horny.
Speaking of horny, like and subscribe.
Leave a comment, YouTube stuff.
Check out our podcast
called Even More News,
and Patreon, Some More News.
You know, we're all just, whatever.
