-Congratulations.
You won an Emmy since I saw you
last for your special on Netflix
"Kid Gorgeous at Radio City."
-Yeah, thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Not bad. Come on.
-That's great.
-How exciting is that?
-It was so exciting.
-That's a big deal.
-It was such a --
It was so genuinely exciting.
-It was a great special.
So funny.
-Thank you.
I'm glad you liked it.
-And, you know, they're looking
for a host of the Oscars.
And there's a --
there's a -- there's a list.
I saw your name on the list.
[ Applause ]
Yeah, and I go --
-Who made the list?
-No, it's very legit.
-My mom and --
[ Laughter ]
-Very legit online --
whatever you call those things.
-An online list?
-An online list.
And it's on an online list.
-Oh, my gosh. That's crazy.
-No, yeah. Would you ever
consider hosting the --
-I mean, yeah, but, like,
you know.
You got to think about
the ratings.
[ Laughter ]
I'd be genuinely concerned,
like -- I'd walk out there.
And you cut to, like,
Angelina Jolie.
She's like checking the playbill
to be like, "Who is this guy?"
[ Laughter ]
-I'm not sure
they have a playbill.
-They don't have a playbill?
-No, not at the Oscars.
-Oh, they should
have a playbill.
They can have little ads
for other shows and things.
[ Laughter ]
-I want to quickly mention.
You're doing this event with
Jerry Seinfeld tonight.
-Yes.
-What is it again?
-It's a benefit, also with
Mr. Steve Higgins, for the
David Lynch Transcendental
Meditation Foundation,
where they teach -- yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, sure.
[ Applause ]
-They do a lot of great work
doing, you know, free lessons,
teaching meditation at schools
and all around the world.
-How long have you known --
Are you friends with
Jerry Seinfeld or no?
-Oh, I got to meet him
for the first time
at that "SNL" 40th anniversary
thing.
-Oh, yeah.
-Because I came in.
And I wrote a bit
that he got to do
where he took questions
from the audience.
-They asked you to write a bit?
-They asked me to write a bit.
And I said,
"Who is doing the bit?"
And they said, "Seinfeld."
I've never met him before.
And so I e-mailed him,
and I said, you know,
"Here's my first draft.
Please be gentle.
You're a very big deal to me."
And he wrote back,
"I'm sure it's fine.
This is gonna be
really fun...for you."
[ Laughter ]
And we had a great time
doing that "SNL" 40th Q&A.
And I got to do
his "Comedians In Cars
Drinking Coffee" show.
So, yeah, I love Jerry Seinfeld
very much.
I looked up to him forever.
-He's one of the nicest guys
you'll ever want to meet.
And gosh, is he funny.
-It's very cool
to get to actually
hang around with him sometimes.
-He's brilliant, yeah.
-Yeah.
-I mean, have you done other
things that haven't been filmed?
-Yes, I actually --
I wanted to see Bob Dylan
at the Beacon.
-Oh.
-And I got some tickets.
And I just -- I was gonna go
with Pete Davidson.
And we had an extra ticket.
And I asked Jerry Seinfeld,
"Do you want to see Bob Dylan?"
Just threw it out there.
And he was like,
"Yeah, what time?"
And it was great.
So me, Jerry,
and Pete Davidson went.
-No way.
-Yeah.
-I'm sorry. Does Pete Davidson
have any idea who Bob Dylan is?
-Yes, he does.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay.
-However, he said, "I do not
know one of these songs."
-Yeah.
-And during "Like A Rolling
Stone," I turned to him
and I said,
"This is a very famous song."
And he said, "Okay."
[ Laughter ]
-But then you also
took Pete Davidson --
-Oh, yes.
I've been going on a series of
concerts with Pete Davidson.
-I want to do this next time.
-I love him very much.
And he's a wonderful friend.
-Pete, he's a nice guy.
-He's just great to go out with.
And so I go see Steely Dan,
hold for applause, every year.
[ Laughter ]
And so they're at
the Beacon Theatre in New York.
Steely Dan, all right,
Steely Dan.
Look it up. Steely Dan.
-I know who Steely Dan is.
Yeah, sure.
-Yeah, yeah, don't be
so sure about it.
-People at home are --
-Yeah, so I go every year.
My roommate, my old roommate --
'cause I'm married now.
[ Laughter ]
-You call your wife
your old roommate?
-Yes.
-Oh, my gosh.
[ Laughter ]
That's the worst nickname
for your wife ever.
"My old roommate."
-That's worse than Mike Pence
calling his wife "mother," yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, old roommate.
-Oh, old roommate.
There you are again.
-But my former roommate
from college, Kevin and I,
we go to see Steely Dan
every year.
We loved Steely Dan
since we were in college.
And when I met my now wife,
I played her some of my favorite
music, which was Steely Dan.
And she said, "What is this?
I hate this."
[ Laughter ]
And I said, "Well, then listen
to this song."
And she said,
"Oh, that's interesting.
I hate this song very much too."
[ Laughter ]
So, over the years, you know,
Sirius satellite radio,
channel 32, The Bridge,
Steely Dan comes on.
My wife always changes it.
-Yeah.
-Hates Steely Dan.
I get tickets to Steely Dan.
Kevin and I are gonna go.
We've gone 12 years in a row.
I call Pete Davidson.
I say, "You want to see
Steely Dan?"
He goes, "Yes." End of call.
[ Laughter ]
Then my wife has been
working really hard.
She's in graduate school.
She's been, like, working at
home day and night.
And she said,
"Are you going out tonight?
Because I just want to get out
of the house and do something."
And I said, "I have good news
and bad news."
[ Laughter ]
"Yes, I can take you somewhere.
But it is to Steely Dan."
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-And she thought a moment.
And she said, "Okay."
So me and my best friend, Kevin,
and a woman
who has hated Steely Dan for a
decade go to the Beacon Theatre.
And we run into
Pete Davidson there.
Meet him in front
and Pete Davidson says,
"Who is Steely Dan?"
[ Laughter ]
And I said, "It's a band."
And he said,
"It's not a comedian?"
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my gosh.
He thought Steely Dan
was a prop comic?
-Well, yeah, sounds like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Steely Dan.
-Steven Steely Dan. Yeah.
So I said, "Pete, you don't know
anything about them?"
And he said, "No."
And I said, "do you know
anything about pop jazz fusion?"
[ Laughter ]
And he said, "No."
And I said, "Pete, there is no
way I can prepare you
for what's about to happen."
-Yeah.
-And my wife took Pete
by the shoulders and said,
"Pete, it's gonna be awful."
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-And we walked in.
The entire audience
is not young.
[ Laughter ]
There's a lot of VIPs, though,
various irate people.
And they're sitting.
And you don't stand up
at a Steely Dan show.
-No.
-No.
So people, like, you know, they
have their purse in their lap.
And they just kind of dance
in their chair like this.
And this has been the protocol
for decades at the Beacon.
-Yeah. You do not stand there.
-No. One woman stood up
during the song "Josie."
We hold for applause.
[ Laughter ]
Everyone went,
"Sit down! Sit down!"
So she sits down.
-Yeah.
-And then Pete Davidson says,
"I can't take this."
And he turns to the row
behind him.
He goes, "If I stand,
will you stand?"
And they go, "We'll stand."
And then Pete goes, "All right."
So he stands,
so the row behind us stands,
so the row behind them stands.
Then he goes, "Come on!"
And then by the time they were
playing "My Old School,"
the entire Beacon
is on its feet.
And Anna's dancing,
my wife, a woman --
so two guys who love Steely Dan,
a guy that didn't know what
Steely Dan was,
and a woman who hates Steely Dan
got the Beacon on their feet.
It was a Christmas miracle.
-That's what I'm talking about.
Everybody, get up!
Stand up! Come on!
Get up for Steely Dan!
-For Steely Dan.
-For Steely Dan!
-For Steely Dan.
-John Mulaney, everybody.
