sister James Charles is back to making
content he just came back with his brand
new video hi sisters and something that
James Falls is going to struggle with is
major trust issues and I know a lot of
us can relate to that what is up
everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but
focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel what I like to do is take
different topics from the YouTube
community and try to see what lessons we
can pull from them to improve our own
mental and emotional well-being so if
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at the rewired soul so real quick real
quick for all of you loyal rewired
soldiers out there you all know that I'm
working on my new book rewire your
anxiety which is dropping on June 29th
in the e-book format well I'm also doing
the audiobook so do me a favor
cuz I'm trying to organize it strategize
and things let me know down in the
comments if you're getting a copy of
rewire your anxiety let me know if
you're planning on the e-book or the
audiobook all right it'll help me kind
of plan some things out in the coming
weeks alright thank you you're amazing
okay anyways yeah let's talk about June
stalls and again like if you're new to
my channel this video isn't necessarily
about James Charles I just like to use
youtubers and things going on in pop
culture as context but my videos are for
you okay so let's recap what is going on
with James Charles what happened with
James Charles so he had all that drama
happen withtati Westbrook and she
kind of you know exposed him for all
these things
jeffree star got involved and he said he
had all these receipts which he had
didn't end up releasing and Jim Charles
ended up coming back and clearing up you
know a bunch of the air and receipts and
all that now during this process a bunch
of people unfollowed James charles a bunch
of people that he considered friends
aside from that two of his mentor's
tati Westbrook and Jeffree star and
this is something that a lot of us are
gonna have to deal with in our lives
right like what do you do what do you do
when people that you consider friends
just completely turn their
Sonia what do you do when people you
looked at as mentors or people who are
always there for you and you know they
seemingly backstab you right like this
is something a lot of us have to deal
with like I'm sure you've dealt with it
before maybe maybe it was something that
happened to high school but life as
adults now like I've had this happen at
jobs and things like that and you're
like what the heck like one situation
that I remember really hurt me was I was
working at this place for a long time
and myself and my co-workers like we
weren't just co-workers we kind of
developed friendships you know what I
mean and like we hung out outside of
work not just like after work grab some
drinks or whatever well especially goes
on some work so I don't even drink but
you know we would like get together and
play like games and things like that
right but when I left that job a lot of
those people wanted nothing to do with
me and it hurt I get it so this can
affect us greatly and sometimes we don't
even really realize it but with our
trust issues moving forward right like
how can we trust anybody again how can
we trust if our friends want to come
back to us how do we trust new friends
or new people coming into our lives this
can also affect your relationships right
if you've ever been cheated on it can be
hard for you to get into a new
relationship because of your trust
issues so the first thing I want to kind
of talk about is I heard this excellent
story from Renee Brown if you don't know
who brené Brown is you better ask
somebody
that woman is amazing but it was in her
book I believe daring greatly and she
was talking about you know trust issues
and she is a scientist and she liked the
studies around like vulnerability and
shame and everything and she was talking
about vulnerability and trusting people
and she like I love me some analogies
and she had a great analogy for her
daughter so anyways just to kind of
summarize this story her daughter felt
betrayed by one of her friends and her
daughters like grade school right and
anyways she felt betrayed by one of her
friends and her daughter didn't really
trust anybody well in her classroom they
had these things of like marbles right
where when the class did something good
they put marbles in there in a little
jar
they got like a prize or a pizza party
or something like that right well anyway
is what brené Brown explained to her
daughter is trust is kind of like that
jar of marbles okay and that's how we
need to treat our relationships when
somebody does something trustworthy we
put a little bit more of the marbles
into that jar right and the more they do
the more we put into that jar and
everything like that and I love that
analogy because I feel that is how I
overcame my trust issues I used to have
walls up with so many people because
I've been hurt so many times in the past
so what I've had to start doing and
something that might help you as well if
you feel like James Charles and getting
betrayed by friends is just gradually
starting to trust people a little bit
more right like don't expect them to
hold your deepest darkest secrets right
and there's a whole nother video I get a
while back about oversharing but you
trust them a little bit you trust them a
little bit see how they do with that
information are just simply holding
space for you right like you get
vulnerable with them about something
that you dealt with maybe at work or
school or whatever it is see how they
handle that and then that that gives you
a little bit more knowledge and wisdom
for the next time you want to turn to
that person and see if they are
trustworthy
all right so gradually fill up that jar
with marbles now the next thing like to
be honest like I got the idea for this
video back when James Charles went to I
can't remember was a Kylie Jenner's
launch or was a kendall Jenner all those
jitters and Kardashian's I gave him
confusing anyways he went back that I
was like wait wait a tick like didn't
she like stop being friends with James
when all this controversy happening now
she's like I'm fighting her back and
like there's a whole business aspect of
it but like something I want to talk
about is like trusting old friends again
right like how do we do that and the
thing is is that we need to see that
there's some kind of remorse okay we
need to see on their and that they are
sorry for what they've done to us if
they've broken our trust right because
like there's that old saying fool me
once shame on you fool me twice shame on
me you know what I mean and like I am a
huge advocate for forgiveness like that
is huge I'm looking at James Charles
situation with Jeffrey stark and talk to
us look like I hope so
time in the future maybe it's gonna take
years but they can rebuild that
friendship but sometimes it takes time
like something that I try to teach
everybody is that we need to pull away
from that black and white thinking like
all of us screw up like sometimes we
might be the person who betrays a
friend's trust and we need to be
empathetic to that light would we want
somebody to never trust us again just
because we messed up you know what I
mean now when it comes to James Charles
and Jeffrey song
talk to us what this is all my a massive
scale but in your personal life right
like we need to work on forgiving people
but when people come back into our lives
we also need to sometimes treat it with
a little bit of caution not give them
too much too soon like they need to
rebuild and earn that trust but like
something that I had to do as I grew up
and as I was working on my mental health
and start rebuilding relationships with
people because I used to be the type of
person with so many trust issues like it
could be one of my best friends and if
they screwed me over I just cut them out
of my life it's so easy for us to forget
all the times they have been there for
us all the things they have done for us
right and something happens and we just
completely cut them out so over time
once we have our time to work through
things and heal and all of that like we
need to work on you know at least
attempting to rebuild that relationship
if it was an important relationship to
us the other thing that we need to work
on is when our trust has been violated
by people in our lives we need to be
very mindful of how that affects our new
or new relationships right like I used
to do this all the time I've worked with
countless people who do this as well
where they bring the baggage from a
previous relationship into a new one
whether it's a friendship whether it's
an intimate relationship right like
maybe your ex-boyfriend or maybe your
ex-girlfriend ex-husband or that's what
whoever it is maybe they hurt you maybe
they violated that trust and now that's
built up this wall and then you bring
that into a new relationship and you
don't trust the new person and something
that I've had to do to really overcome
that is ask myself like is that fair is
it fair to this new person in my life to
punish them for what somebody else did
right we see this all the time with
relationships where somebody has a bad
relationship right and they
baggage from the bad relationship and
bring it into the new one and it
completely destroys their new
relationship right so then they break up
now they have baggage from two
relationships they bring that into the
next one you see what I mean and like
just the the golden rule the golden rule
is would I want somebody to do that to
me like what I want my beautiful
girlfriend Tristan to bring and baggage
against me from an old relationship
right would you want your new
significant other to do that to you
would you want a new friend to bring in
that against you you see what I mean so
if this is something that you like
really struggle with like you need to
get your button therapy and start
working through that stuff if not it's
gonna continue to destroy our
relationships moving forward for the
rest of our lives now the last thing I
want to talk about the last thing I want
to talk about like none of us deserve to
be betrayed or hurt or anything like
that but but we do need to take some
responsibility for this all right
we need to realize that we are in
control of these situations in some way
all right and what I mean by that is be
mindful of who you're hanging out with
be mindful of who you're becoming
friends with right like think about it
if you're hanging out with people who
are constantly talking behind other
people's backs like what do you think
they're doing with you you see what I
mean like sometimes we like oh I like
hanging out with this person they're so
loud and crazy you know what I mean but
but we need to pick better friends
sometimes sometimes when we're getting
into a new friendship we need to go okay
maybe this person isn't who I should be
hanging out with
yeah sure they're fun they're crazy
they're wacky right but is this somebody
who I want to trust nap nothing be wrong
those people are cool to hang out with
every now and then if you want to go you
know to a party or do a concert or
whatever it is right but do you want
that person that's like your best friend
who's gonna hold like your secrets and
everything like that like we need to do
a better job with that because something
that I had to learn was like I was
hanging around with scummy people right
like I was picking scummy people to be
my friends and then when they like hurt
me or when they betrayed me I was just
absolutely baffled by this right so
something that I started to do was I
started to be you know better
friends I was more mindful of who I was
hanging out with like and this comes
from being a better judge of character
like what characteristics do you want in
a friend or in a significant other like
think about that like sometimes it's
helpful to write down a list like what
do you want in a good friend you see
what I mean because now like to be
honest I don't have that many close
friends anymore like I have a lot of
acquaintances a lot of people I talk to
but like it takes a lot to like truly
have a friendship with me because I've
become better at baking who I'm hanging
out with alright but anyways let me know
down in the comments below like do you
struggle with trust issues what have you
done like what tips can you give to
other people who struggle with trust
issues let me know down in the comments
below alright
and don't forget follow me over on
Instagram and Twitter at the rewired
soul because I'm launching my new book
rewire your anxiety coming very very
soon alright but if you like this video
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so much for watching I'll see you next
time
