

For Better or For Worse

# By D.T. Williams

Published by D.T. Williams @

Copyright 2015 D.T. Williams

# Prologue

1995

Lucy

"Damn," I growled as I slowly pulled my Mercedes to the side of the road. I could tell by the dramatic shift and bursting sound of one of my tires that whatever just occurred was not going to be a pretty sight. _Oh, God, why me?_ I sighed, resting my head on the steering wheel. Once again I had found myself in a sticky situation.

It was after 10 p.m., and I was eating up the highway, driving home from Lake City mall while bobbing my head to _This is How We Do It_ by Montel Jordan. The job was a deadend, and I was even pissed at having to work it in the first place. Although I'd decided to take a break before going to college, I had no intentions of working like a slave while doing so. I wanted to travel and see the world, find myself and what not. I didn't see a problem with that. Daddy had always paid for everything since I was a little girl. I had the best of it all. French tip nails were always done, hair was always tight and designer clothes to die for. I just had money to blow. I remember having the first Louie bag that any of the heffas at my high school had ever laid eyes on. They were jealous then and are still jealous 'til this day. None of them had seen me working my new job, which was a good thing.

"You need to earn your own money," my dad said.

"C'mon, Daddy, really?" I whined, "Why do I even need to work?"

My young mind could not grasp that I needed to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I was tripping that he wasn't running down the ends anymore. He was really adamant about the whole job issue. The more I complained, the more he shook his head. I guess I had turned out to be the spending machine he created.

He was sitting in his favorite chair reclined backwards. My father was a tall lean man and was still very handsome. He'd had some worry over the years, and that showed around his eyes. He watched me as I animatedly tried to explain my point. His face was stoic and knowing. He was up on game.

"Baby girl, you need to learn the value of a dollar. Ain't nothing wrong with a woman that has her own. I can't support you all of _my_ life."

I plopped down, knees up to my chest on the sofa. I admired my toes and twisted the top off the powder blue OPI bottle. I stroked my toes as I tried to think of a way to get him to understand my point.

"Daddy, you've been taking care of me for a long time. Why stop now?"

"Lucy, you can find a really nice job at the mall. There is nothing wrong with something like that. It's an honest living."

"So that's it then?" I looked up at him, "You cuttin' me off?" I was really starting to get pissed.

"Don't think of it that way." He yawned and closed his eyes as if he was at total peace, but knowing Daddy there was a storm brewing. I still had to make my point.

"Daddy-"

"Enough! You have until the end of the month or you will be working with me. End of discussion." He sat up from his reclined position and looked pointedly at me.

I stiffened. There was no way in hell I was working with him. That's all I needed to hear, and besides, he was about to flip out. I knew my limit.

Every newspaper that came to the house I scoured for job listings; I was determined. I would open up my own car wash washing cars my damn self before I stepped foot in Dobson Construction as an employee.

Dobson Construction was my father's pride and joy. He had worked hard to build and establish his business, and it was doing very well. It was quite lucrative. He provided jobs for minorities that were unable to find work anywhere else. While he made a lot of money, he was helping the community too, but they did hard work. Lucy was not about to do that kind of work. All of that sweating and lifting...it was not feminine at all. No, Lucy would find her something else.

Sears hired me on the spot. I was psyched about it until I actually had to work. I thought that being around all of the latest fashions, bags, and shoes would be a breeze for me, but I was wrong. I worked the cash register, folded and refolded clothes, and stocked items and tended to disgruntled customers. Maybe Dobson's would've been easier.

I had a completely different idea about money. I thought I would at least be able to afford my own place, but sales clerks didn't make that much. What the job did do was keep Daddy off my back. That was incentive enough for me to keep it.

My day had not been any more annoying than usual. It had gone smoothly for the most part until on my way home, I'd decided to take a shortcut. I took a shortcut and ended up on Montana Street. I don't know why I was surprised when I ran over some busted glass and got a flat. I sat in my Mercedes for a moment and then sighed as I got out. I didn't know anything about cars. I threw my head back and looked up into the night sky and then I looked at my surroundings. Rundown homes lined both sides of the street while chicken heads and dope boys decorated the corners. I scrunched up my face as I took everything in. I was in a hell of a lot of trouble.

Some of the guys were scoping me out and I didn't know if they were eyeballing me or my ruby red Mercedes SL 500. It was probably the latter. It was a little older, but it was very nice. Daddy bought it for my sixteenth birthday. I did not want to get carjacked. I started toward the front of my car, being careful not to mess up my new chic clogs I'd purchased with my employee discount. I peered down at the tire. There wasn't a thing I could do. I allowed one strap of my bag to fall from my shoulder. I was so glad that I had begged for a cell phone. It looked like our cordless house phone, but I could use it anywhere. I pulled it out by its long antenna and began to dial home.

That's when I noticed a tall dark figure making his way toward me. My heart leaped and I immediately disconnected the call and reached into my bag once more; this time I had hold of my pepper spray. If some hoodlum planned to attack me he would be sorry. The closer he got, the calmer I became. Something about him told me that he meant me no harm. He was...striking. He was rugged yet sexy. Our eyes locked and something very strange happened to me for the first time in my young life. I believe I swooned a little.

"Need a hand, little lady?" His voice was smooth and deep. It actually made me tremble. He had my undivided attention. I struggled with being obvious, but it was too late for that as my eyes traveled up and down his fit frame. _What was wrong with me?_ Dark eyes, slender perfectly bridged nose, full kissable lips...made me wonder about the feel of them against mine. It was his deep voice that pulled me from my trance.

"Excuse me, Miss?" I assume he'd repeated himself by the look on his face.

Stuttering, I responded, "Uh, yes...I guess I do."

He chuckled and extended his large hand. "Grant Smith."

I reached for his hand and it swallowed mine. "Natalia. Everyone calls me Lucy though." _He caught me staring. Again._

He strolled to the rear of my car and knocked on the trunk. "You got a spare in here?"

"Yes." I could've used the button on my keys to pop the trunk, but I didn't. Could've stayed right where I was, but I didn't. Stepping in front of him, I opened the trunk and the most erotic sensation overcame me knowing that he was standing right behind me. It didn't help that I knew I looked pretty good in my new silk slip dress that showed off my curves; I had plenty of those. I matured very quickly, something that Daddy hated but I loved.

"Everything you need should be in here." I motioned toward my opened trunk.

Grant placed one hand on the raised trunk and leaned over my shoulder to peer inside. He was close. Too close. There was electricity popping in the air as he pretended to be interested in the spare tire. His Cool Water scent swirled around me, intoxicating me. It was crazy.

His face was so close when he leaned over my shoulder and said, "Everything I need? Yes, but I also need a jack too."

I shivered. _Was this really happening?_ He must've sensed what I was thinking and he backed up. I could breathe again.

"A ja-jack?" I was stuttering again, "So it's not one in there?"

"I can run down to the shop and get one." He thumbed over his shoulder.

_The shop?_ _Well, I guess that's why he has Dickey's on._

I turned to face him. I realized that he was committed to going through a little bit of trouble for me, but I also thought of being left alone on the wrong side of town. At night.

"Oh no. Don't go." _That came out wrong._ "I mean, I just need to get home. Stay here while I make a call." I grabbed my phone again, as he watched curiously.

Grant shook his head. "No need. The shop is just up the street. I saw you when you pulled over. It won't take long. I promise."

He must've seen the panic that stretched across my face because he softly reassured me, "Baby, no one is going to lay a finger on you or your car. Not as long as they know you're dealing with me."

Of course, I wanted to argue with him, but his confidence was enough to settle me. I did notice how the people in the area seemed to behave differently when they saw Grant approach me. As he walked away from me, there were points and daps given by those that rode the corners. He was respected. As I relaxed, I thought of what he said. _"Not as long as they know you're dealing with me."_ I chuckled. _Is that what I was doing, dealing with Grant? In all of twenty minutes?_

I watched him, muscles flexing, as he maneuvered. He took his time and that was damn sexy. He finished putting his final touches on the wheel by tightening those things on the outside.

"Alright, little lady, you're good to go." He stood and wiped the grime on his white tee.

I nodded and went into my purse to compensate him. I didn't feel right not giving him something for his trouble. "Here's fifty, unless you need more. I have it. I-"

"No need. I'm definitely good, but what I could use is your number." A grin spread across his handsome face and it was almost impossible to resist. _Almost_ impossible.

I paused and his dark orbs penetrated me. I was getting that strange feeling that I'd had when I first saw him. It wasn't a bad feeling. It was just something I didn't really recognize. As I procrastinated, the one thing, or person, that ran through my mind was my daddy. Grant was not the type of guy that he would want me talking to. While it was true I was daddy's little girl and I always wanted to please him, there was something about Grant that made me feel...rebellious. Sexy. Womanly. At nineteen, I understood that I was young and needed to find myself, but I also needed to stretch my wings and come from under my daddy. There was something about Grant Smith that made me feel adventurous and naughty.

He knew that I was stalling and said, "I just want to make sure you get home safely. It's kinda late for a young woman such as yourself to be out alone." Clearly, he was lying, but he was a cute liar.

I eyed him curiously and propped my hand on my hip, tilting my head to one side and allowed my spirals to bounce a little. "My phone number, hunh?" I asked. "I don't know. That's a pretty exclusive number."

Grant smiled, shoved his hands into the pockets of his oversized Dickeys, and came toward me. I didn't back up. In fact, I may have inched closer to him; I was asking for trouble.

"What makes you think you're worthy of my number?" It came out breathlessly.

Unlike most guys, Grant wasn't intimidated by me at all. He accepted my challenge, leaned in close, and said, "You seem to me like a very straightforward type of lady. I don't think you would waste your time."

"No, I don't like my time to be wasted," I agreed.

He leaned in even closer and this time I swear his lips brushed against my cheek. I felt the heat of his body and the scent of that hypnotizing cologne. With full confidence, he said, "So I doubt you would've even asked me the question if you felt I wasn't worthy." I damn near hit the ground.

I backed away from him, regrouped, and shakily stated, "I can't give you my number." For the first time all night, he looked unsure of himself. His wide grin slowly faded. "But I can take down yours, okay?" I quickly quipped.

The grin was back in full effect. "Well, give me that satellite you call a phone so I can type my number in your contacts."

"Hey, at least I have one. Not too many people can say that."

He was still smiling. "Well, I guess you're right about that. I have a two-way pager, but I'll give you the number to the shop. I'm always there."

I hopped in my ruby red baby and drove cautiously away. I looked into my rearview to see that Grant Smith was still watching. _Grant Smith,_ huh _? Let's see what the future holds._

# Chapter One

Moving On Up

Lucy

I chuckled to myself, thinking back on the day my husband and I met. It all seemed so long ago. Now, I sat in the living area of my new home filled with unpacked moving boxes and no help...damn. "Oh God, this is so much work," I complained. My hands were sore from unpacking over six boxes already and more to come. I'd never seen so many boxes in my life until Grant and I moved into our first house.

During college, Grant and I decided to relocate to the Big Apple. He'd been offered a job at Good and Weldness Corporation and I was hesitant to make such a drastic move all the way from the only home I had ever known, but I believed in my heart that my man was worth it and thank God, he did not disappoint. I was serious about Grant, but I was also serious about college. I didn't want to just run off from home with the love of my life and forget that I still had to make my daddy proud. Our new home in the Riverdale section of the Bronx boasted tile floors, cedar furniture, and the best periwinkle bathroom I'd ever laid eyes on. It was a pretty penny, but since Grant wanted to remain a happily married man, he coughed it up literally.

"You almost done in there, woman?" his loud voice roared from outside.

"What the hell do you think?" I mumbled, looking at all the remaining boxes we had to unpack. Grant brought in another from the moving van and sat it in the kitchen. He was sweating profusely and his white t-shirt was soaked, showing off the cuts in his rock hard body. I snuck in a devilish smile, finding him utterly delicious. We had been married for four months now after years of dating. From the first time I laid eyes on that 6'4" frame and smooth deep brown cocoa skin, I've been hypnotized. Clearly, the spell hasn't broken yet and I doubt it ever will. I went back to unpacking all of our newly purchased china we received as a wedding gift when I felt those familiar hands of his grasp my shoulders.

"Baby, what you are doing in here, huh?" Grant leaned over me and kissed my neck.

"I'm in a panic. There is so much to do Grant and we're not even halfway done," I sighed.

He shook his head and grinned. "Oh, hush that fuss; it's not like we are going nowhere anytime soon... as much as I paid for this place, we may die in here."

I looked around at all the work that still needed to be done and wanted to raise the white flag and surrender. "From how many boxes _still_ unpacked in this house, we may not be going anywhere ever." Grant threw his hands up in defeat.

"Whatever you say, princess." I rolled my eyes at his snarky comment; Princess was what he referred to me as whenever he thought I was acting spoiled...forget him. I knew damn well he wasn't going to help me unpack shit but was sure as hell going to sit on the couch and yell at the TV when the game came on. Grant took off his shirt and wiped the sweat off his face. I couldn't help but stare at him, admiring that perfect chiseled body; he was a work of art, like my very own Michaelangelo's David. _Damn, I couldn't have gotten a finer man if I prayed for one,_ I thought to myself. Getting sidetracked from the job at hand, I glanced over to the Tempur-Pedic mattress in the other room and then back at him.

"Hmmm...is that the new mattress we just ordered?" I asked with a sly grin playing on my lips. He caught my heavy drift and gave me some of that LL Cool J lip action.

"Why yes it is," he said, tossing his t-shirt to the side.

I popped up off the floor like two buns in the toaster oven. "Well then, I say we forget these boxes and go test that bad boy out." I figured, what the hell? Sex was a good halftime in the game of unpacking boxes. It would curb Grant's reluctance to helping finish unpacking duties. It was a plan that worked judging by how lit up his eyes were. His dark orbs were hooded and the excited look he had on his handsome face was all too familiar

"Well, you don't have to tell me twice." He swaggered over in my direction and what he did next surprised me. He scooped me up and tossed me over his shoulder.

"Whoa..." I managed to get out before we landed on the mattress in the other room. I couldn't stop laughing at his eagerness.

"Boy, what am I going to do with you? Huh?" Grant looked down at his watch.

"Well, the game doesn't come on till nine, so we got about five hours to do whatever you can think of." I pretended to look hurt and offended.

"So the game is more important to you than me?"

Grant softened his face as he kissed my cheek. "Of course not, babe. Not with all the commercial breaks and halftime." I burst into laughter at his silliness. Who would really pass up sex just to watch a damn basketball game? That type of shit was just unheard of.

"You bastard," I said roughly, "If you love Dwayne Wade that much you need to be having sex with him." Grant looked at me playfully.

"Now, baby...you know Dwayne doesn't look as good as you do naked." He started pulling at my clothes and I smacked his hand away, pretending I no longer desired him.

"I'm not in the mood anymore," I said, rolling over and appearing to be uninterested. Grant leaned over me and softly kissed my cheek, brushing his tongue against my skin...and damn if it didn't feel good. Grant leaned down and started nibbling my neck, his soft lips drawing closer to my ear.

"You're still not in the mood?" he asked seductively.

"No," I lied, wanting him to kiss me some more. I let out a slight moan that let him know he had me.

He made his way back to my ear and whispered, "You're still not in the mood?" I turned to face him and tackled him to the other side of the mattress, biting down on his luscious mouth. I had my own full-court game going and there would be no commercial breaks or halftime.

#  Chapter Two

The Upper Hand

Grant

Mr. and Mrs. Grant Smith. That title still brought a smile to my face every time I thought about the day the love of my life and I became one. I still remember the day we first met, the day that changed my life forever. Since that day I couldn't get this woman out of my head and it wasn't long before she crept into my heart. It had been six years since then and so much had changed. After I met Lucy and fell hard for her, I knew I had to step up my game. I had taken up classes to become a welder before landing this job in NYC. Lucy had been attending college before traveling to the Big Apple with me. If someone had told me that kid who used to sling rocks on the corner would be where I am now, I probably would have laughed in their face. Looking down from the huge double windows of our Riverdale home confirmed that I actually owned a piece of New York real estate. Sure, I would start off at the entry-level position, but the possibilities were endless.

Everybody thought the world would end January 1, 2000. For years everyone from prophets to astrologers had said that it would be D-day. I was never a superstitious or religious guy, but Lucy was a believer and I think she was little concerned about it although now she would never admit it. I was committed to her and to the life we'd started. Lucy was everything to me. She believed in me. I never wanted to lose that. Coming from the streets where no one cared about anything other than getting their palms laced, Lucy was a welcomed change.

I proposed at midnight on Dec 31, 1999. She would bring in the new year officially as my fiancée. A year later in 2001, we signed the papers. When I say the next several months were filled with sensual and sexual bliss, I kid not. Some people complain about the decrease in their wife's sexual appetite once the 'I do's' are over, but it was the complete opposite for us. It's like becoming my wife did something crazy to her. She was insatiable and I loved every minute of it. Candlelight dinners and the freaky sex was a dream. Did I mention good sex? I was surprised when it seemed like things were becoming monotonous. The excitement had dwindled. We both settled back into work and I started to feel a little empty like we were missing something. During my lunch break, I headed to Wal-Mart to get a quick snack. A little boy staring at a big wheel caught my attention. He was stretching little hands up to grab at the toy when his old man came around and got it for him.

"Daddy, I want to learn to drive that," he said enthusiastically. The man smiled down at his son.

"Well, lil' man, if you continue to be good, your daddy is gonna buy that for you."

"Yaaay!" The boy jumped up and down.

I don't know why but it really warmed my heart to see the love between father and son. While I'd been touched by the scene, something about it bothered me. Maybe it was because my own father had not been there for me. I'd lived with that all my life, so why did that scene start to eat at me? I headed back to work thirty minutes later, and I was in a more somber mood than before.

I was getting sick of the day-to-day schedule. I felt like my life was missing something that I needed a change, some excitement. I knew just what would do the trick. I wasn't sure if Lucy was ready for what I had in mind though, so I came up with a little sexy plan to uh, coerce her. As I heard her stilettoes coming up the stairs I already had the bath water running and filling with bubbles to soften her up for our little discussion.

She walked into the bathroom to candles lit, roses in the tub, and me waiting to see the look on her face.

"Oh, trying to surprise me, huh?" She was in awe. Lucy came towards me as I was sitting on the tub and planted a big kiss on my lips. When she tried to break away I held her in place a little longer.

"Well, I thought my woman deserved something nice after a long day." She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me another kiss.

"Boy, you thought right _.._." __

_Oh, yeah, I got her,_ I thought. I intended to work this night to the best of my ability. I mean, pulling out all the stops to get her nice and relaxed. This way she would least expect my plan of attack. Lucy leaned on to the sink and removed her shoes.

"Can I help you with that?" I said, giving her the eye. She smiled. I was giving her all the Billy Dee she needed.

"Please do." She motioned for me to come over.

I removed all of her clothes piece by piece and placed her in the tub. I initiatively planted small kisses on her naked skin.

"Oh, baby, today was such a long day, from meetings, to desk work, and everything else..." She took a deep breath to soothe out the frustrations of the day. "I know I expected a lot when I got promoted to assistant editor, but not this much." Lucy laid back into the warm water.

I squatted near the tub and gazed at her. Lucy had a body that automatically made me want to do nasty things to it. She wasn't a stick by any means and that suited me well. Lucy had voluptuous breasts with areolas that were large and dark. They were perfect. She had a tiny waist with a flat stomach but her hips and rear were jaw-dropping. Lucy was sex in a bottle, but I had to snap out of it. I was on a mission.

"Well, no need to worry about that right now, baby. You just sit back and chill. I'll take care of everything else." I slipped my hand into the water where her thighs met hoping to give her a feel of what was yet to come.

"Ooh...stop it." Lucy splashed water at me, giggling.

"I'm supposed to be taking it easy." She shook her head and eased back down into the tub.

"I know and I was about to help you."

"Oh, Grant," she groaned.

Ok, Grant, _you are rushing it_. _Just take your time and work your way in._ After getting her out of the tub, I helped Lucy slip on a dark blue nightgown. I watched as she groomed herself in the mirror while I sat on the sink. It's not often you see a nice Mercedes ride through Lake City, especially not down Washington Street. She fussed with her curly black hair that hung around her shoulders. That scene took me back a minute. She had unavoidably run over glass from some busted liquor bottles; I felt obliged to help. Even in the streetlight, I could tell she was fine.

Lucy wasn't a very tall woman. She was about 5'4", but the frame was all that. She was the color of dark coffee with a slight hint of cream. It was the prettiest ebony brown skin that you'd ever seen with hair, her real hair, which hung in curls around her shoulders. I approached her correctly knowing how easily intimidated these high city girls could get, but when we both locked eyes there was an instant attraction that wasn't letting up, not even now. Looking in the mirror, she caught me staring and smiled.

"What are you looking at?" she asked playfully. She had almond-shaped eyes, a cute button nose, and lips that made you want to kiss her all day. Not too big but not thin at all. They were perfectly shaped. Lucy reminded me of a feline.

I figured now it was time to lay my cards out on the table and possibly lay her down on the table. Depends on what we got into. I smiled at her.

"Come on in here, baby, I want to talk to you." I walked into our bedroom, turned on Joe and climbed in bed and Lucy followed after.

"What's on your mind, baby?" she asked, lying on my chest. I eased back on the bedpost and played with a curl of her hair while slowly moving into the conversation.

"Well, I've been thinking that since your new job is getting a little tough on you, why don't you take some time off?" She looked up at me like I was plum crazy and laughed.

"And why would I do that? I just got this position. It's not like your job where you can go wherever you please." I couldn't argue with that. Working at Good and Weldness Corporation I could be gone weeks at a time, but the pay was good and I worked when I was ready. Still, some things are more important than success. I placed a gentle kiss on her lips, trying to sway her opinion.

"I'm serious though, babe; you might want to consider taking some time off." She looked at me confused and could tell something was on my mind, causing her to sit up.

"For what, Grant?" I moved closer to her and softly kissed her cheek.

"Because I've been thinking, maybe we could work on starting a family. You know, have a baby." Lucy gulped and eased back. I could tell she was trying to formulate words, but her silence was answer enough for me.

"And you don't want to?" I said, lying back, knowing that my almighty plan had failed.

"It's not that," she protested. "Baby, we just got married and I just got this promotion, which we both know is going to demand a lot from me. We should just-"

I cut her off, not wanting to hear the reasons or excuses as to why she didn't want to have my baby; they were all bullshit anyway. "You are saying anything and everything but whether or not you want to do this." I could clearly tell by the resistant look in her eyes that her mind was made up and there was no point in talking. Damn, I set myself up for that disappointment. I'd actually played it all out in my mind. I just knew she'd want to have my son. I got out of bed hoping to catch the highlights of the game from downstairs not wanting to think about it anymore, but before I could make it to the door she stopped me.

"Grant, I just don't think this is the right time for kids."

"You mean this isn't the right time for you."

"For both of us..." Lucy sighed, "We need to get more settled."

I threw my hands up in frustration. "We're settled. We've been married for over a year. We are more than financially stable. What's the problem?" Lucy placed her hands on her hips like she was through with the conversation and was now going to set me straight. Who did she think she was?

"Look, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm not taking any time off from work and I'm not having a damn baby, period." I stared at her coldly and she immediately eased back.

"Well, let me help you prevent that from happening." I grabbed a pillow from off of the bed and headed for the door. "I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Grant, don't do this!" I heard her calling for me, but she got no reply.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I hesitated and thought about going back upstairs to apologize, maybe even get some makeup sex but shook it off. I made it down to the couch and got as comfortable as possible. I rolled my eyes when I thought about the situation that I had just put myself in. To give up a nice soft bed for a horrible feeling couch. _What the hell was I thinking?_ Still, I stayed where I was. We both ended up sulking off to bed, refusing to give the other the upper hand.

***

_Lucy_

The next day I couldn't even focus at work. That damn Grant had my mind completely gone to the point where I couldn't get anything done. I have always prided myself on being a hard worker ever since I started my internship at the prominent fashion magazine, Elite. After graduating from NYU, I was blessed with the opportunity to work for such a prestigious magazine as the Assistant Editor.

A lot of people don't know but NYU is a collective body of colleges throughout New York City. I'd had several classes at the Burroughs, which afforded me the opportunity to mingle with a variety of people from different backgrounds. I'd always been aggressive and went after what I wanted and I lived in those fashion-merchandising courses. I happened to catch the eye of a professor that knew someone that knew someone and here I am. Knowing that there were plenty people who would kill to have my spot, I had been determined to prove myself to New York's fashion world. I had worked my way up to one of the top positions and there was nothing that could stop me, or so I thought.

I took a deep breath and an Advil to calm my nerves. I may have been dressed like Vivica Fox in _Two Can Play That Game_ , but I was surely feeling like Halle Berry in _Losing Isaiah_. I looked around at my newly renovated office. It was decked out with a maple desk, chairs, and recent covers of Elite, and all the accomplishments I had made on my journey to the top. I closed my eyes and relived the horror of last night. I didn't understand why Grant couldn't see we were not ready for children. I had too much I wanted to do with my life. I guess there was just no getting through that thick ass head of his. Easing back in my chair, I could do nothing but sigh.

"Hey, girl, are you ok?" I didn't have to open my eyes to know whose cheerful voice interrupted my thoughts. Megan Collins had been a co-worker and friend of mine for years. We met during our first interview with Elite for our college internships and of course, the vibe between us was competitive for black women on the rise, but when we both received the call back for the job we became soul sistas.

"Oh, I'm fine, Meg. I just got a lot on my mind."

"What, too much work?" she said, pulling up a seat. "I feel you, girl. They are working us like a sweatshop out here. Now I know how those little Asian children in the factories feel."

I chuckled at her comment and rested my eyes on her pretty clover ones that matched her dress. Megan was a very thin and beautiful biracial woman with incredible bone structure. Her hair was straight without one kink to hint at her African American ancestry. It was brown with blonde highlights. Her skin held an olive tone and she wasn't doing too badly in the build department. Her legs were to die for. Meg easily could have been a model for Elite, but the spotlight wasn't for her. She was magic behind the scenes.

"It's not the workload," I said, sighing again in frustration. "It's Grant." She looked at me with her brow furrowed.

"What? Is there trouble in paradise already? Well, damn, that was fast." I shook my head.

"No...Yes...I don't know." I slouched back down in my chair and Meg became even more concerned. She wasn't used to seeing me like that.

"Tell me what's wrong," she said. I took a deep breath and began to unravel.

"Grant wants to have a baby."

"Well, that's great," she said cheerfully. She noticed my dull expression and froze her face. "It is great, right?"

I stood up and straightened out my designer suit in the full-length mirror behind my door. I turned away from the mirror and Meg had shifted in her seat to gape at me. I returned to my chair to allow her to quell my unsettled nerves.

"Listen, I want kids...in the future. I'm talking way into the future. Like c'mon, we have only been married for a year, I just became assistant editor and work is already kicking my ass. I can't handle a child right now. Who the hell do I look like, Wonder Woman? I'm not ready for this."

"Alright. Calm down...calm down. Now have you tried telling him this?"

"Ha," I scoffed, "He doesn't hear me."

Meg tilted her head back as if she were dizzy from trying to decipher all of this information I was laying on her. I almost offered her an Advil. I had already taken three.

"Oprah, I don't know how you do it," I heard her mumble. "Ok, honey, listen. You two have to sit down and talk to each other. That is the only way you're going to reach some sort of compromise." I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my latte knowing good and damn well there was no compromising with Grant Smith. He for sure was not a compromising man.

***

Lucy

1995

We'd sat in the back of his 1973 Cadillac and I remembered how badly I'd wanted to taste Grant's lips before and how I was getting all I could stand that night. After a month of talking on the phone about anything and everything, Grant and I had finally gotten around to dating. We had found it hard to stay away from one another given the magnanimous attraction we felt. After enjoying Sandra Bullock and Peter Gallagher in "While You Were Sleeping," we'd decided to pick up some ice cream from Dairy Queen.

_I sat in his lap as Tupac rapped about the stress he caused his Mama. The_ _bass drowned out everything on the outside and I had practically swallowed his tongue while his hands roamed under my skirt. The song had the whole car vibrating to the beat. The seclusion of the car made me feel like we were in our own little world. Although Grant and I were tonguing each other senseless, I hadn't planned to give him any despite how fine he looked that night. He had pulled relentlessly at my top, damn near ripping it off. He definitely had other plans for us. Then I heard my panties tear a little as he pawed and breathed heavily._

" _Slow down, baby," I barely got out._

_Grant must_ not have _heard me because he kept grabbing my ass and feeling my breast. I had become weaker by the second. I thought I was going to explode in passion if I didn't do something quick, fast, and in a hurry._

" _Grant, stop." I tried to pry his hands off me. He kept kissing me deliriously and touching like I wasn't even speaking._

" _Grant...please." I tried to ease out of his lap, but his hand on my hip kept me firmly in place. I didn't like that. Out of sheer_ panic, _I scratched and clawed my way off him until we were on opposite sides of the car trying to catch our breaths. He looked at me as if he was completely aggravated by my actions._

" _What the hell is wrong with you?" he spoke so roughly._

I looked at him as if he was crazy. "What's wrong with me? I was telling you to stop and you weren't listening."

Grant sucked his teeth and chuckled like something was amusing to him. "Stop for what? I thought we both were into it."

_Yeah, I had been into it. When he came to pick me up for the movie he was looking so good in that blue Ralph Lauren polo shirt and jeans and I could barely look him in the eye. I'd agreed to_ go _to the more secluded area after the movie so we went to Young's Park, a very popular place where lovers went at night, but a few innocent kisses turned into a whole something else completely unexpected. I took a breath and tried to regain my composure._

"Look, _Grant, I like you but this is just our third date. I'm not trying to get into all this so soon."_

He rolled his eyes and straightened out his shirt. "That's such a joke. You want this just as bad as I do. All this playing hard to get is getting on my nerves. Shit, if I knew I had to work this hard I would have taken some other ho out."

I felt like he knocked the wind out of me but wouldn't dare let him know it. I couldn't believe he talked to me like that and I was extremely hurt. When I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes, I knew it was time to make my exit. I nodded my head and buttoned up my shirt. "Ok...If that's how you feel let me get the hell out of your way."

_I stepped out of the car and pulled down my skirt and began to walk home. I didn't get far before I realized I didn't know where the hell I was going and it's not like I could call anyone because I left my phone in that asshole's_ _car. Damn, I thought. How the hell did this happen? Just because a man flips out a few dollars for dinner and a movie he thinks he has the golden ticket to the chocolate factory. Damn, damn, damn. I had a Florida Evans moment. I'd made it to the next street corner when I nearly jumped out of my skin. I thought I was going to die. It was him. He'd touched my shoulder._

" _What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?" I yelled. Grant eased back._

" _Relax...I just came to get you."_

I rolled my eyes at him. "Get me for what? Don't you have plenty of other hos lining up to get at you?"

He softened his tone and gave me the puppy dog eyes. "I didn't mean that."

" _But you said that." I scowled._

" _But I didn't mean it," Grant was pleading. I don't know how he did whatever it was he did, but it got me every time. That must've been some male trait handed down by men in his family to get women_.

" _I should have never talked to you like that, Lucy. I'm sorry." I nodded and refused to look at those dark sexy eyes that made me get in the back of his car in the first place._

" _Listen, I'm not doing anything with anybody I don't want to so if that's all you're looking for, you need to go back to your car," I said, face stern and arms folded like a drill sergeant. The army would've been proud. He smiled at the attitude I was giving him and kept his eyes focused on me to wear me down._

" _If that's all I wanted I would have been left. You say you don't want to get into anything physical, that's fine. I'll respect that." I pursed my lips at his statement and he threw his hands up in surrender._

" _Woman, look, if I wasn't interested would I be chasing your ass down through Young's Park in the middle of the_ night _? C'mon." The tenseness of my gaze_ _eased up, but I still eyed him steadily. I was never one to give in so easily._

" _Ok, ok... Let's chalk this up to one bad night and go from there," I finally suggested. He nodded and motioned for me to follow him back to his car and when I did not move he looked at me puzzled._

" _What's the problem?" he asked. I stood there with my arms still folded, looking at him strangely._

" _No, you can go home. I'll call myself a cab and maybe I will call you later," I said, hoping he would try to convince me to come with him. Grant looked at me and shook his head._

" _Girl, if you don't come get in this damn car, I know something. I'm not about to baby you. That's your problem now, princess. You're too spoiled," he playfully scolded. I couldn't help but laugh as we walked back to the car._

My arms were still folded; I'd refused his hand. I was still hurt and wanted to make him suffer a little longer.

" _Girl, stop playing. I thought you forgave me?" He still tugged at me._

" _I did forgive you, but I'm still not over it." He pulled me closer to him and kissed my cheek slow and soft._

" _You over it yet?" he whispered. I felt that hot friction that I always felt when he touched me began to resurface. My defenses were down I didn't know if I could shake it off so easily._

" _No." The tremble in my voice betrayed me. He placed another kiss on that spot between my ear and neck and let it linger as his tongue brushed across it. "You over it now?" he said again._

_That trembling was starting to happen and I was finding it hard to walk. Grant, seeing that he had melted the iceberg between us, pulled my mouth to_ his _and I explored his tongue. I didn't resist when he slowly but surely grabbed and caressed my behind in this tight skirt. I managed to pull away from him and rested my head on his chest. When I finally caught my breath I looked up at him. "Ok, now I'm over it."_

***

I smiled and cherished those early moments of our life, just wishing I could feel that way again. Meg pulled me into her arms and hugged me, jolting me out of the past.

"I know it won't be easy, girl, but it has to be done." She was insisting I speak to Grant. She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. "If it's any consolation just think of all the fun you are going to have to make up for lost time. Woooh...I'm getting hot just thinking about it," she said and fanned herself. I laughed at her craziness.

"What would I do without you?"

She smiled sweetly. "Discuss all your issues with your divorce lawyer."

I think we both got a kick out of that joke. I sat back down at my desk feeling better than before. She was right; I was going to sit down with Grant, weigh all of our options, and hope and pray we reached a happy medium. And if not, his ass could continue to sleep on the couch.

*****

Grant

"Right there. C'mon. Kick. Kick!" Frank yelled at his 60-inch TV.

As a last minute invite over to his house, Frank and I watched the MMA fight that was playing on Pay-Per-View. It was not as if I hadn't come over to Frank's house before to hang out, but not every day for the past week. It was becoming obvious that there were problems at home.

"Look at this guy, he is whoopin' his ass. Get him!" he screamed at the television and had turned a crimson shade. Frank Carnac and I were on the same welding team, and surprisingly we turned out to be very good friends. He was a very slim man with pale skin, which was a drastic contrast to his black hair and eyes. He wasn't the best housekeeper, but he was a good guy. I chuckled at his enthusiasm.

"Man, you're really into this stuff, huh?"

He looked at me and smirked. "Like you're not. So, you ready to talk yet?" I pretended like I didn't know what he was referring to and sipped on my beer.

"'Bout what?"

He laughed at my obvious denial. "You know _what_. Whatever problem you and Lucy are having?"

I shook my head. "My wife and I are cool." Ok I lied, but I didn't have to tell him everything. As far as he was concerned, Lucy and I were fine and everything was great, even if it was not true. Frank sat his beer on the table next to the couch.

"So cool that you're spending your Saturday night with me instead of her." He chuckled, "Either you two are having some issues, or you are secretly harboring some desires for me. Now, which one is it?"

I titled my head back and took a breath, fighting to hold in all my problems but after the third beer, it became harder to contain my emotions.

"I asked Lucy what she thought about us possibly having kids right now. I told her that I was ready."

"She didn't feel the same way?" he inquired.

I gave him an incredulous look. "No...she wants to focus on her career," I huffed. He nodded like everything was cool.

"Understandable." I looked at him, offended.

"What? You agree?" He saw my reaction and tried to explain.

"Grant, you were a mechanic before, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So why did you decide to become a welder?"

I thought about his question. "Because the pay was better, I needed something different, and I wanted more for myself."

Frank took another sip of his beer again before speaking. "And so does she. I know Lucy is an assistant editor and all, but she's trying to make it to the top. She's trying to accomplish her dreams, and that's a hard thing to do with children. Trust me, I know."

I rolled my eyes and grimaced at the fact that another person was missing the point I was trying to make.

"And how long is that going to take, Frank? Huh? That could be years before she makes it to editor. By the time she would be thinking about kids and shit, she'll be as old and dried up as a prune." Frank laughed to the point that beer shot out of his nose. "And frankly how many times do we see women so obsessed with their careers that they lose sight of everything else? I know how hard she has worked. It's not like I don't want to see her do well, but I also don't want her to lose sight of what's important like our marriage, a family."

Frank couldn't argue with that. He leaned over and patted me on the shoulder.

"Well, man, it's a two-sided coin. Have you tried talking to her about it?"

I turned my head and looked at the wall. I didn't want to talk to her about it; I was tired of hearing her excuses, and why she didn't want my baby. I figured that if she was unwilling to budge, I was done talking about it.

"Look, Grant, a closed mouth can't say anything. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Maybe you guys can come to a mutual understanding and if not, keep hope alive." He continued to chuckle as the fight came to a close. I shook my head and watched on; I didn't feel like talking to her. Not now.

# Chapter Three

Compromise or Control

Lucy

Talking was the last thing Grant and I did. He started coming up with any and every excuse not to be home and when he was home he avoided the "baby" topic altogether. By Friday, I'd had enough of the elephant in the kitchen, the living room, and especially the bedroom. I didn't see the point in having a kid, not when I got his ass giving me attitude like a twelve-year-old girl. _I don't have to put up with this_ _and I'm no longer going to either. Grant was going to talk to me whether he liked it or not._

I paced the living room floor waiting for him to come home and I watched the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. As five o' clock turned into eight o' clock, and eight o' clock turned into midnight, that turned into me falling asleep on the couch, dreaming of knocking Grant the hell out as soon as he came home.

I couldn't believe the nerve of this man not to come home at a decent hour and didn't even bother to call to say he was going to be late. Was he trying to scare the living hell out of me? By half-past two in the morning, I heard the click-clacking of keys in the door. I slowly rose to my feet when I realized it was Grant, but my relief and gratefulness soon turned into anger and frustration. "Well, where the hell have you been?" I yelled at him, giving him a stare that would scare death. He seemed taken aback by my anger and slowly came forward.

"Relax. I was at Frank's house."

"Until two in the morning? Do I have 'dummy' written on my forehead?" My eyes swept him over and searched him, looking for anything suspicious. You can never be too sure.

He rolled his eyes, slowly eased off his sports jacket and threw it on the couch. "Look, I went over there to watch the fight; the main event didn't get started until around midnight. Why are you tripping? Not like I haven't done this before." I was in disbelief.

"Yeah, and you've also called home before. What happened with that? I mean, damn Grant, the fact that you can walk up in here this late like everything is chill is baffling to me." Grant took a deep breath as if I were annoying him and walked upstairs. "Whatever," he slithered out.

I just knew he hadn't whatever'd me as if I was of little importance. Oh, I was pissed. I followed him up the stairs speedily.

"Excuse me. I'm talking to you." He kept walking, ignoring me. "Grant, stop!" I finally screamed.

He came to a halt in the middle of the hallway. I tried to calm myself down and resist the urge to slap him upside the head. "So, is this what you're going to do now? Stay out all night and act like some little ass child, throwing a temper tantrum because I won't give you what you want?"

He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at me with disgust. "Don't talk to me like that." He headed for our bedroom door but I swept past him and blocked his entrance.

"We need to talk." Grant lifted me slightly and moved me, making his entrance into our bedroom.

"You want to talk? Talk about what? Your mind is clearly made up. There ain't nothing to talk about." I watched him open and slam the drawers of our dresser for his nightwear.

"You're not even going to listen to me, are you?" I pleaded in my tone. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me.

"Ok, Lucy, talk to me; give another reason why you don't want a family with me. Does that not fit into your weekly calendar? Am I conflicting with some business function of yours? No, wait, I get it. Having a baby is not in style this season."

_Son of a bitch_. _You don't even care how I feel about this._ I sat on the bed getting very wearisome of the back and forth. "So it doesn't matter how I feel about it huh? It's just your way and that's it. Now, is that compromise or control?" Grant looked as if I were speaking in a different language.

"So let me get this straight, I'm being controlling because I want to have a child with you and you're chasing a career objective?"

"No, you're being controlling because you're trying to make the decision alone." I shook my head in frustration. We were just going around in circles, and nothing was getting resolved. "Grant, you stopped at nothing until you had a solid position in your career. You refused to partake in any form of commitment to anything, not even to me until you made it to where you wanted to be. Now, why can't I do the same?" Grant stood in the middle of the bathroom doorway and gave me that look, that look that said _ESPN_ _is on and I'm done talking about this_. He then shrugged and threw his hands up.

"Well, do what you want to do then."

_Here we go again._ I was so mad I wanted to explode. "Stop it. Stop cutting me off, stop dismissing me just because I'm not telling you what you want to hear. It's ridiculous."

"No, what's ridiculous is that at twenty-eight you are still a spoiled little girl who has to have everything your way. So what am I here for, huh? You want me to hold your purse, kiss your ass, and tell you whatever you say goes? Well, I'm not that-"

"I'm scared," I cut him off. I had been holding that in for so long it felt as if I were suffocating. There it was, my truth laid out there for him to see. "Are you happy now?...I'm scared."

He gave me a puzzled stare and moved closer to the bed where I was sitting. "What are you scared of?"

I looked at him with sad eyes not wanting to tell him how I had been feeling about having children but decided to trust him anyway. "I don't know everything. I'm being weighed down at work, we're arguing like crazy, and now you want to add a baby to all this confusion. I fear I may lose my mind." He took a seat beside me on the bed. "I can't do all of this by myself, Grant. There is no way."

Grant shook his head. "Baby, do you think I'm just going to pack up and leave you hanging with all this?"

I frankly didn't see why not; everything was cool when my mother and father were together. They both had big plans but that fell by the wayside when my mother had gotten pregnant. When things got too tough she walked out and never looked back and somewhere inside me I feared Grant might do the same, or possibly me.

He pulled me into his arms. "Woman, unless the good Lord says otherwise, I'm not going anywhere. I would never leave you. You hear me? You're supposed to come to me with any and everything. I'm your man. Matter of fact, I'm more than your man; I'm your husband. Lean on me."

I wanted to believe it. In everything he was saying, I wanted to take those words and wrap them around me, but fear still lingered in my heart.

"You know kids have never been my strong suit," I told him. It was sad but true. Children tended to need so much and I was willing to give so little.

"I'm sure we can deal. Two heads are always better than one, right?"

I smiled at his self-assurance. Grant always had so much confidence in us.

"Yeah, baby. I'm sure we will be great parents one day." He smiled. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

"Well, there's no time like the present, huh?" He looked at me with that silly expression he always wore when he was excited.

"Looks like I need to go to the bookstore and buy _Parenting for Dummies_." I burst into laughter.

"You better. We are going to need all the help we can get." I brought that delicious mouth of his to mine. "Hey," I whispered, "I got something I want to tell you before we do this."

"I know. I love you too," he said, kissing me again.

"No, I don't do dirty diapers."

"Oh." He chuckled, "Thanks for the heads up."

***

I watched as my lunch took a swim in the toilet. I grabbed some tissue and wiped vomit off my mouth before flushing. It was mid-August and I was already two months pregnant; morning sickness was a bitch. For the most part, I was actually pretty calm when I started noticing changes in my body. Grant made me take like five different tests just to be sure we were expecting, which wasn't a problem since I had been peeing like a racehorse day and night. Of course, Grant was ecstatic. He nearly cried when the doctor gave us the first sonogram. I was happy he was so excited about the pregnancy. He'd already been working on the nursery and I wasn't even in my third trimester.

"You ok in there?" Megan asked, knocking on the bathroom stall.

"I'll be out in a minute." I barely stood up before rushing back down to the toilet and puking again. I tried to pull myself together. "Damn, this kid is kicking my-" _Blurt_. Megan laughed.

"Yeah, I can tell. How far along are you again?"

I exhaled, "About two months now." I was still shocked at how I'd gotten pregnant so fast; I figured Grant had some super swimmers or I was just too damn fertile.

I made it out of the bathroom stall to the sink. Seeing Megan's face was like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes I thought she made going to work easier to deal with, even a joy.

"Well, good thing that you're still early. You won't miss the upcoming events. How much time do you plan on taking off?" she inquired. I took some facial powder out of my new Chanel purse.

"I don't." Megan jumped back like she saw a bomb in my bag and was ready to alert security.

"You mean you're going to work all through your pregnancy?" I laughed at her horrified expression.

"Of course. I can't physically be here, but I've worked a few things out with the Elite. I can still get a lot done from home."

She still looked concerned. "You don't think you're putting too much stress on you or the baby?" I fixed my hair in the mirror and thought about what she said.

"Well, it's not like I'm doing anything physical. Everything will be ok." I knew Megan was still worried but she eased up. I knew what I was doing, and although I'm expecting a few fights with my husband over my workload, I am not backing off. Things are going to go exactly as planned. That way everyone can get what they want, specifically me.

# Chapter Four

Here Comes Baby

_Grant_

I couldn't believe how excited I was about the pregnancy. I went all the way out for Lucy and the baby. It didn't matter what she needed me to do; I was there with bells and whistles, ready to go. Late night runs for pig's feet and pickles at the local grocery store, I was there. Vacuuming, mopping, and laundry...occasionally I achieved these tasks. Vomit detail, which happened regularly, was all taken care of. Mostly I just wanted to be there for her...for it...just being attentive to their needs. Whether it was holding them at night while watching _The Color Purple_ or rubbing her feet throughout the day while she looked at baby names for our baby. She'd suggested Franklin if it was a boy and I'd suggested she name the dog that because it wouldn't be going on my son's birth certificate. All the while, time with them was time well spent that I enjoyed. I even found myself helping out in birthing class. Well, I spent most of the time asking the doctor a million questions.

" _So, if the baby comes out of there, will it stretch out the entire-"_

" _Grant!" Lucy screamed._

Ok, maybe I was too attentive, but this was my first child, my first start of a family and I was happy. All of us were. I wanted better for my child, to give it something I never even dreamed I would've had.

***

"Ok, baby, do we have everything? Clothes, documentation, bags, is this everything?" I asked Lucy.

It was time for the baby to come and I was completely in a panic. "Yes, yes, everything is here. You're worrying more than I am," she yelled.

Lucy was moving more slowly now. I figured the baby must have been getting heavy to tote around in her small body. I still caught myself enjoying looking at her round belly and although she had always maintained my full attention, it didn't hurt that certain objects were getting larger due to her pregnancy. I could hear the wind coming down from the snow and it snapped me back into reality.

"We better get a move on, baby; it's getting bad out there."

"I hope we can make it in the storm." Lucy started to look overwhelmed.

I went over and put my hand on her lower back. "We'll make it, Luce. Don't worry; everything's ready to go."

Lucy started to breathe heavy and leaned on the bed.

"I just don't want anything to go wrong," she panted. I looked down at my wife. She was clearly in pain. It made me nervous.

"Are you ok, babe?" She shook her head.

"I need to get to the doctor...fast." I pulled her up to her feet and that's when it happened. _Splash_.

"Oh, Lord. Is that what I think it is?" I asked in shock at what just spilled all over the floor.

"Oh, that's just great. My water broke all over my new fur rug. Perfect." Lucy began to howl in pain, putting some suffering on my hand that she was squeezing.

"Um, it's ok. Let's just get in the car and I'll take you to the hospital," I spoke in a calm voice, but I was nowhere near calm.

"Honey, the hospital is over an hour away, and there is probably so much snow outside we couldn't even get out of the garage," Lucy tried to explain while slowly moving back down to the bed. I ran to the window. She was right; we couldn't make it out there in that snow. Oh, damn, I'd started to lose it, but I couldn't let her know that.

"I'm going to call the ambulance."

"Aaaaah!" Those pains were sharp and coming from deep inside. It seemed unbearable. I quickly finished the call and ran to attend to my wife. "Baby, it's ok. I just got off the phone with the ambulance, and they're going to get here as quickly as possible."

Lucy was breathing even heavier and perspiration was sprouting out everywhere on her body. "Tell that to the baby because it's coming."

I knew my face was panic-stricken. I'd tried to keep my composure but it didn't last long. I freaked out, but Lucy wincing in pain helped to keep me somewhat grounded. I had to do something. "Alright, listen to me; I'm going to go downstairs, get some towels and water. Now I want you to lie back and try to get as comfortable as possible," I instructed.

"No, I don't want you to leave me," she began to plead.

"Honey, the baby is coming. I have to do something to help, ok?" Lucy was nodding through falling tears. I grabbed her face and kissed her mouth to calm her down.

"Everything is going to be fine. I promise. Just relax." As she eased back on the bed, I ran downstairs and gathered everything I could think of from birthing class. Good thing they gave us some material on what to do in case of an emergency. Lucy was breathing properly but couldn't fight the tears that were racing relentlessly down her cheeks.

"It's ok. Everything is going to be ok," I reassured her while gently placing everything down. The towels were on the bed and the tub of hot water on the floor. I sat on the bed in front of Lucy contemplating what to do next.

"Ok, I've got everything. I just have to see what's going on down there." I slowly took off her underwear and looked under her dark orange dress. "To think this is how this all got started," I joked. She laughed through the pain, clutching the sheets for dear life. I opened her legs and put my hand down to feel for widening or for the baby's head. Clearly, there was no need since I could see the head as clear as day.

"Oh, hell!" I jumped back.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Lucy asked worriedly. I choked back vomit and remained calm.

"Nothing, it's good. It's all good." _Ok_ , I said to myself, _just don't look_ _down. You can do this_. I reached for the head again. "Alright, baby, you ready?" I prepped her. Lucy was in shock.

"What? Ready for what?" She looked at me not knowing what the hell was about to happen.

"Sweetie, you got to push."

"Push, so you're going to deliver the baby? No, we have to wait for the doctors. They're going to be here any minute."

She tried to convince herself, but another contraction struck, causing her to scream. "I think the baby disagrees with you," I replied, trying to talk some sense into her. Lucy kept shaking her head and I was becoming more and more frustrated with the situation. I didn't have time for all that defiance.

"Look, honey, this kid is coming. Now, you can try holding him in for as long as you want or we can go ahead and meet our child." Lucy was breathing more rapidly now but complied.

"Ok. On three, I'm going to need you to push. One, two." I could feel the baby slowly easing out. I was practically holding him in my hands. Lucy looked as if she was going to pass out due to all the pressure, but kept going. "It's ok, honey. It's ok. We're almost done. All I need is just one more good push, ok?" She nodded.

"On three. One, two-"

And in one swoop, he came to me with the lungs of life. I cradled him in my arms and quickly cleaned him off. My little boy continued to cry out, hating the fact that he had to leave the warm haven in his mother's womb. I sat there and admired what had been created over the past nine months. He was so beautiful. He had a head full of black hair, pretty pinkish skin, and dark brown eyes. We looked so much alike I might as well have given birth to him.

"Well, look at you, huh?" He calmed down from crying so much after a while. I was gleaming at my son. "Lucy baby, look at him. He's beautiful, look..."

Lucy wasn't making a sound. I moved closer to her and found she was breathing; I think she passed out due to all the pain. I laid the baby on her chest and I held them both in my arms as the sounds of sirens started to pierce my ears. Damn, what a day.

# Chapter Five

Get With It or Get Lost

Lucy

By the time the paramedics got to the house everything was ok. Baby Gregory James Smith had been brought into the world successfully. I couldn't believe my little boy was here after all this time. Grant was so strong and brave to deliver our son all by himself. I was in complete admiration of him for bringing our baby boy into this world safely. After little Greg and I were brought to the hospital to be examined, we were released a few days later. I was so excited for my family to come home together and start our lives. As a few months passed, Grant and I had to adjust to our new bundle of joy, who left us completely and utterly exhausted.

"Waaaaaah, waaaaaah."

"Oh, c'mon, kid. Damn," Grant groaned while slamming a pillow over his head.

"Does he ever sleep?" I slouched up in the bed and dragged myself out.

"Nope and neither do we." I headed to the nursery and heard my baby boy's screams grow louder and louder.

"Awww...what's wrong, little man?" I gently picked little Greg up out of his crib. It was a costly item too but I made sure my baby had the best. The crib, the nursery decorated to the minutest detail, the toys and flashing choo-choo train lights, was all evidence that we'd gone overboard and I'd loved every minute. I sat down in the padded rocking chair and held him close until he dozed off. I noticed Grant watching over us in the doorway. He entered and came over and laid his head in my lap.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked.

He hesitated a minute before answering, "Lucy, I think I'm going to give up welding."

I was taken aback. "Really? And do what?" _I know you don't think you about to stay up in this house without a job_. He looked up at me sincerely.

"I've been thinking, I know a few people who work in the corporation, hopefully, I can get hooked up with a desk job or something. Hell, if I go back to school and get in some night classes I could be running things." I was damn near in tears when he told me he wanted to go back to school. It was hard enough to make Grant go to the welding program let alone college. For him even to be motivated to do something like that was powerful. "I'm getting tired of being away for so long. I was thinking maybe a desk job in the company could keep me close to home and give me some time with you guys." I smiled.

"Well, that sounds good to me. What brought this on?" Grant kissed the top of little Greg's head and then brought his mouth to mine and lingered for a moment.

"He did."

Five years passed soon after Little Greg was born and I had moved up to Chief Editor of Elite. I hopped out of my new SL500 Benz and made my way into the workplace.

"Hello, Mrs. Smith. How are you?"

"Just fine, thank you." I made way into my office and looked at the work schedule before me for the day. "Let's see. I have a board meeting at ten, phone call with a modeling agency at twelve, and a staff meeting at three."

"Knock, knock, boss lady." Meg strolled in. "So how does it feel to be the new Chief Editor of Elite?" I pretended to think about it for a minute.

"Quite glamorous, thank you for asking." We pulled each other into a hug.

"Girl, it's been a long time coming," she squealed.

"Who are you telling?" After years of hard work and selling out multiple covers of Elite I finally was promoted to Chief Editor. I strutted back to my seat in my power suit. It was a black number by Hugo Boss women's collection that fit me like a glove. I felt all my hard work had finally paid off. Meg took a seat opposite me in a black dress that had a lace top layer. She was looking like a runway model herself.

"So, how have you celebrated your promotion?" she asked cheerfully. I halfway smiled knowing that there wasn't a lot of celebrating going on in my house lately. Matter fact you would think I was robbing banks the way my husband hated my job.

"Well, Grant and I went to dinner, ordered a cake and...yeah, it was fun."

Meg nodded at my expressionless face. "Wow. I so believe you." I rolled my eyes at her unable to hide the truth.

"Ok, so it wasn't as perfect as I would have hoped for but it's ok."

"Ok, what the hell is wrong with him? Does he know how hard you have worked to get this position?" I shook my head and stared at the wedding picture of Grant and me on my desk. The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. How things ended up being so poorly now, I didn't know.

"I work long hours. I get home damn near midnight; Grant thinks I'm neglecting him." Meg gave me her infamous ' _girl, please'_ look.

"Well, it's not easy being on top. You have to put in some time. He should understand." I leaned forward in my chair.

"I tried telling him that, but it goes in one ear and out the other."

Sighing my frustration, I thought about how I'd ended up popping Advil into my mouth like skittles. Meg nodded as if she understood my angst.

"I got a plan. I say take one day out of the week and spend it with him and Greg. You guys can go to an amusement park, out to dinner, have family bonding time." I shook my head and looked at her like she was crazy.

"A day? Girl, are you kidding? Do you know how much work I have to do within the hour, let alone a day?" Whew, it hurt my brain just thinking about it.

"C'mon, Luce, try and meet the man halfway here please." I gave it some thought. We could all use some time together as a family.

"I guess a day wouldn't hurt." I stared back out at our wedding photo missing that passion and love my husband and I used to have. "I could use some personal time to end this dry spell if you know what I mean." I laughed, but Meg looked at me as if she was scared.

"Girl, I hope I never have to know what you mean."

***

Grant

Horns were blaring from every angle; traffic today was a bitch as usual. I should've guessed it would be being that it was three in the afternoon, but this was the time that I had to pick up my son from school. Lord knows his mother could never get around to doing it. Little Greg was getting bigger by the day and already attending kindergarten. It amazed me how time had flown by so fast. Lucy had moved up in her position to Chief Editor making Elite one of the most successful magazines in New York. I went back to school, obtained my associates in management, and took over a supervising job at my welding company.

Now that I was working a desk job I didn't get to travel as much or hang out with my usual buddies from the work crew, but I believed by going corporate I was finally on the right path to getting my family financially set for life. I parked my new Range Rover in front of Little Greg's school and waited for him to be walked out.

"Dad...Dad..." He ran into my arms from the playground outside.

"Hey there, kid. How was Happy Learners? Huh?" I glanced over at him. Barely 4'3", his medium brown skin glowing into the sunlight, and his curly hair was softly blowing in the breeze but the thing that made me smile was that all his teeth had seemed to be disappearing.

"Today was great, Dad. I played on the jungle gym, monkey bars, and sandbox," he joyfully recalled.

"That's great. Are you ready to go home?" He smiled, jumping up and down.

"Yeah." A look of nervousness spread across my face as I noticed my son's hyper actions.

"Um, Greg... what did your mama pack you for a snack today?"

"Airheads and Capri Sun!" he screamed, still jumping up and down.

_Got damn_. _I told her ass to stop feeding him all that damn candy. Now he's gonna be bouncing off the walls._ After getting home I let Little Greg watch some television and ordered some take out for the both of us. I prepared him for bed once dinner was over. "And the little prince lived happily ever after."

"Yaaay! Read it again," Little Greg begged. I sat up and kissed him on the head.

"No can do, kid; it's time for bed." He dropped his head down.

"Aaah, man."

I laughed. "Maybe tomorrow, ok?" He nodded his little head.

"K...maybe Mama can read with us too." I grimaced a little and then smiled at my son.

"Maybe." I turned off the light and let Greg go to sleep.

# Chapter Six

Making an Effort

Grant

It was no secret that I hated my wife's job. Don't get me wrong; I loved the fact she was doing what she always wanted to do, but it was the time it was taking away from Greg and I that caused a constant argument, yet the end result would never change. By the time Lucy got home, Greg was fast asleep and I was cleaning up the kitchen. As usual.

"Hey," she said while strolling in. I turned from the dishes and looked up at her. She wore a dark tailored suit, by some expensive designer no less, and carried a matching bag. She was still a very appealing woman to me, but she was missing that carefree attitude and sparkle in her eye that she used to have.

"Well, you made it in before the crack of dawn. That's great." I didn't even care if it offended her anymore.

"Oh, c'mon, baby," Lucy exhaled. "I left a message."

I shook my head. It was the fourth message of the week. God forbid if I tally up the whole month. "Yeah, another message saying you won't be home again tonight." I paused to look at her seriously. This beautiful woman. She has the same pretty eyes, soft lips, and curly hair that I loved so much. It always really matched well with her dark ebony skin. All the familiar features were there, but I still couldn't see my wife. "I wonder if you prefer to be at your job instead of home with your family." Lucy looked irritated now and plopped her bag on the table.

"You know that's not true. Be fair. This month's issue was serious. Work needed to be done."

I sucked my teeth at her and began to walk upstairs. "Stop, Luce. Just stop. It's always something with you."

She rolled her eyes and followed me. "Grant, can you wait a second?" As I walked into the bedroom, I noticed how this once lively room now seemed so dark and dreary. The passion that kept us going seemed to be fading. I turned around to face her.

"You know why I stopped welding, baby? I didn't want to be miles away from my family. You guys needed me here. Now, this was brought to my attention when our son was born that I needed to get my life together. Five years later and you still haven't caught on?" I didn't understand her. Why couldn't she see that she was avoiding me and her son like we were unimportant? Something to scratch off her to do list.

I started to undress. Lucy plopped on the bed, her eyes staring up at the ceiling as if she were in a daze. "Grant, please don't do this. Not tonight."

I stopped what I was doing and tried to find some common ground with her.

"Look, I'm not trying to nag you. I'm not. I just want you to spend more time with me and your son. We would like your attention too." I made my way over to lie beside her and gave her the pleading puppy dog eyes that she liked so much.

She smiled at me. "Ok, ok. I'm going to do better. Little Greg is probably starting to miss his mom anyway. I'm going to make it up to you guys, I promise."

I was hoping she finally got it. Lucy took her jacket off and laid her head on my chest. "I have figured out how I'm going to make it up to little Greg, but I have also thought of some ways to make it up to you too," she said with a dirty smile while circling her finger through my unbuttoned shirt. "Unless...you're still mad." I rolled us over so that I mounted her, taking her by surprise.

"Baby, you could never make me that damn mad." She laughed, but then turned serious.

"You know I really do love you, Grant." I smiled, knowing that she spoke the truth.

"Well, actions speak louder than words, so let's see how much love you have right now." She couldn't help but laugh as I stripped us both naked.

***

Lucy

When morning came, I went down to the kitchen to get some much-needed coffee. Coming home last night, I knew was going to be tough, but thank God it didn't turn into a screaming match as it usually did. I am trying my best to be a successful editor and really make a name for myself in the fashion industry, all while trying to maintain a happy household. Tough job, but somebody has to do it. I took a hard sip of my coffee and reflected on all the years it took to get to this point. I love my husband and child more than anything in this world and I never want to make them feel like I have abandoned them.

Trust me, I know how it feels to have someone who is supposed to love you and be there for you just walk out and leave. I don't remember my mother; of course I have seen pictures, and heard stories, but I have no memories of my own mother. I didn't know much about Latrice Marie Dobson. All I knew was what people would say about her here and there, but all that gossip could be fact or fiction. My mother was a well-known "it girl" in our small urban town. Everyone always talked about how pretty and talented she was. One who was destined to be the next Josephine Baker tearing up the Broadway stage. She was a star among her own peers, always singing and dancing. The lead in every theater ensemble and high school plays, where she met my father. The beautiful black nightingale with almond brown eyes and raven curly black hair memorized him, like every other teenage boy.

The two fell in love at first sight with dreams of marrying and having a family, but my mother's ultimate dream was to make it to the bright lights of New York City and become a star. Let's just say her plans were derailed when the doctor said it was girl. My mother and father had no choice but to marry and raise a family back in those days and they did just that for the first couple of years. Mom, however, became bored with the family life and took a one-way ticket to NYC to live out her dream. The rest of us be damned. The way the story was told she actually made it doing a couple of shows dancing as a cabaret dancer at the Apollo Theater, but a terrible fall injured her ankle and finished her dancing days indefinitely. She soon picked up drinking while singing at a local bar in the city to pay the bills. One night stumbling and staggering out of the club, she ran out into oncoming traffic and was killed on impact in the middle of the street. Some say it was an accident. Others say it was a suicide. I have yet to determine for myself.

I was about thirteen when my father came home with the news from her distant family, the look on his face devastating. It was the first time in thirteen years he had heard anything about my mother and it was about her death. His face changed that day; there was no more of the twinkle in his eye. It was as if an unspoken hope of reconciliation was gone. All through school my friends told me how their mothers bought them this, showed them how to make that, argued about this and so on, and so forth.

My teen years...those were the times that got a little heavy for me, but I always had my father's love and support. He didn't mind being the only dad at cheerleading tournaments screaming louder than some of the moms there. I could still hear his voice now _, "Go baby go! Tuck and roll!"_ He didn't mind teaching me how to cook old family recipes or sit with me at the salon while I got my hair done. My dad even talked to me about everything from birth control, periods, and sex no matter how uncomfortable he was with the subject. We may have had our run-ins from time to time, especially where my marriage was concerned, but daddy had always remained by my side. That man went above and beyond for me and I convinced myself he was all the parent I needed or maybe I just wanted to believe that. I shrugged those thoughts off. Can't miss what you never had.

I glanced at my stainless steel oven and the colors that complimented each other throughout my home. I took pride in these fine things knowing I would do well for my family and myself especially since I was promoted. I may have put in some long hours, and sacrificed a lot of time with those I love, but it all worked out for the good. I heard the pitter patter of small feet. Little Greg made his way downstairs for breakfast as usual in the morning. I chuckled at the sight of him. He always looked so adorable in his Spiderman pajamas.

He was happy to see me in the kitchen. I'd usually be gone around this time. "Hi, honey." Greg smiled and ran into my arms.

"Mama!" I picked my little man up and wrapped my arms around him real tight. He was getting so big I had to put him down just as quickly as I picked him up. "What are you doing home, Mommy?"

"Well, Mommy decided that she wanted to spend more time with her two favorite guys today." I kissed the top of his curly head. Greg jumped up and down.

"Yeah!"

"Oh, shhhhh...Not so loud, honey. Dad is still sleeping." He raised his index finger to his lips.

"Sorry... shhh." I came up with an idea that I thought would get Grant off my back at least for a little while.

"How about this, honey? How about I take you out for breakfast today and then we go to the zoo huh?" Little Greg nodded.

"Ok, but what about Daddy? Don't you want to make up with him too?" he asked innocently.

"Oh, I think I have made up with your dad enough for today." I smiled to myself. "Let's go get dressed, ok?"

"Ok." Little Greg ran upstairs and I could hear him rummaging through his closet. I took a good stretch before walking upstairs myself. _Making an effort,_ I said to myself. _Making an effort_ and it damn sure better be worth it.

# Chapter Seven

_The Clean-up Woman_

Grant

Yawning, I leaned back in my desk chair as the clock continued to tick on the wall. I was back at work again assigning jobs, sending out exports, and taking in imports as usual. I had become very content with my position as supervisor; it made me more business savvy and kept me close to home. Speaking of home, I was still on the war grounds. Not that things between Lucy and I had not gotten better for a while. That was until she took over hosting her magazine's annual end of the year party, which she refused to turn down. All the long hours at work and business meetings continued to drive her further away from me. Funny thing is, I couldn't decide on whether I was being selfish or that she was being neglectful.

I stared at her picture that sat on my desk. It was a picture of us at Malibu beach for our one-year anniversary. Back then everything was easy as pie but I feared those days were now over. I didn't understand. My love for Lucy ran deep, but I couldn't get her to see what was happening to us. I didn't know what to do.

"Knock, knock." Frank Carnac appeared at my office door, "Can I come in?"

"What's up, Frank?" Frank always was a little off but today for some reason he was grinning uncontrollably.

"Man you wouldn't believe it if I told you. We got a new temp in the office working for Gilman, and she is hot." He slipped back out of my office and signaled for me to follow him. Reluctantly and against my better judgment I did. We walked past the double doors into the main office. There she was. She stood about five foot eight, with a lean figure, long beautiful dark hair, and recognizable Hispanic features. She was fine. No more than fine. She was gorgeous. I figured she was an aspiring model trying to make ends meet. She was talking with Gilman and Marshall the leading executives in the corporation.

"Man, if I didn't have arthritis in my right knee, the things I would do," Frank whispered to me. I gave him a stern look. "And if I wasn't married with three kids," he corrected.

Frank and been married since the age of eighteen. It had been a struggle and a strain at first, but he still held on to his marriage. I guess I couldn't blame him for looking; every man on the third floor was trying to sneak a peek. She glanced over and looked in my direction. Frank and I attempted to look busy to no avail. She giggled, waved off the executives, and made her way over.

"Hello, are you, Grant Smith?" she asked in a voice so sweet it could have been honey.

"Uh...Huh...Yes, I am," I stuttered a little bit. Attractive women tend to have that effect on a brutha.

"Good." She smiled. "I'm Alexia Cruz. I'm going to be assisting you with Project Reach Out."

She reached for my hand and I gladly extended it to her, while looking at Frank as if I were in trouble. "I, um, thought you were Gilman's new assistant." She smiled, and I noticed how beautifully her lips were shaped. Just like a plump upside down W.

"I am. He wants me to show off my skills in assisting you in your business venture. I will take over his part and help you with this project."

"Oh, you're interested in a permanent job in the business? I just assumed this was a part-time job." She looked at me offended.

"Well actually, I just graduated with bachelors in business administration, but I have no experience. I figured working under an executive would give me enough insight."

She gave me that typical female look. You know the _'I just got done with setting a fool straight look'._ I realized I'd just put my foot in my mouth, so I sincerely apologized. "Please forgive me. That was very rude." She nodded and for a split second, it looked like her eyes scanned me from head to toe. I shook it off, thinking I'd imagined it.

"It's ok. I've been hearing a lot about you. You have generated a great deal of business for the company." I was flattered that people were aware of the great work I had been doing. Ever since I came over to the cooperation and got new workers to come in, I've tried my best to build new ideas for the company to create profit and expansion.

It was amazing how I could do all that and still find time to spend with my family. Hmmm. "Well, I'm just doing my job," I agreed.

She gave me that smile again. "Well, I look forward to working with you."

"And I'm pretty sure he looks forward to working with you too," Frank intervened. How embarrassing, I can't believe I forgot he was even there.

"Oh, this is Frank Carnac, he also has been making his mark in the industry." They shook hands.

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Frank looked away from Alexia and back to me.

"Well, I need to be off so I'll see you guys later." We both nodded our heads and watched attentively as she walked off. I tried to clear the air.

"Well, she was nice," I said to Frank nodding my head. He gave me a very pointed look that said _you're in trouble._

***

Lucy

"Awww, honey. I feel bad for him. Sounds like he just wants some attention from you," Megan said while chit chatting in my office. Grant had raised pure hell last night when I told him about the annual end of the year ball. He didn't understand that by hosting the party, I would be getting exposure to so many of fashion's royalty. He just roared on about how I didn't care about him or anybody else. _Damn_. _He could really act like a female sometime_. I shook it off. I had come too far to let him stop me now.

I looked at Meg who seemed so desperate to help me and sighed, "I know. I know. But I'm trying, ok? I said I would take a few steps for him, not run miles." I really was trying. I cut back on work and spent as much time with him as possible but when the opportunity came to plan Elite's annual party, I just had to take it.

Just then Gabrielle walked in and knocked on the door. "Hello Natalia, mind if I have a second?" As soon as I heard Natalia I knew it had to be one of two people at my office door, my father, or my boss. I looked up to see Gabrielle standing in the doorway looking as divine as ever in light orange Versace piece. Since Natalia was my birth name, she refused to call me anything else. She figured nicknames in the workplace were for adolescents. Megan and I both straightened up. I didn't want the boss to see us slacking off.

"Yes, sure come in." I motioned for her to have a seat. "Hi, Gabrielle..."

"Lucy, I'm going to check in with you later." Meg nodded and disappeared into the mayhem we called work. Gabrielle took a seat opposite of me. She had her business face on, staring and unwavering.

"Well Gabrielle, what's on your mind?" I asked only imagining why on earth she was in my office. She slicked her hair back before speaking. Gabrielle Sidis was a former model from Russia back in the early eighties. She did a lot of behind the scenes work as well, which led her to be the owner of Elite Magazine. She was a very regal woman. Given her age, hardly a wrinkle in sight, you could totally tell she used to model back in her hay day.

"I've come to hear some of your ideas for the annual ball. I hope you have prepared to excite me." I gulped a little bit. Gabrielle, being the owner of such a prestigious magazine could be a very intimidating woman.

"Well, I was thinking since it was going to be close to December this year, we could go with a winter theme. Display the fall collections from our new designers." Gabrielle nodded while in deep thought leaving me to no clue if she liked my ideas or not. I sat back and silently prayed as she spoke.

"Ok, I like it. We will need to get started with the venue and decorations, also contact all the designers with their collection. We will need to preview them before the ball." Gabrielle collected her things and made her way to the door leaving me sighing in relief. "By the way Natalia," she said before exiting, "Good idea."

"Thank you," I managed to get out before she left.

_Whew_. I was thankful for the positive feedback. I couldn't even articulate how excited I was to have the opportunity to showcase my talent. I would have to give this my all no matter what and if Grant couldn't see what this opportunity meant to me that was just too damn bad.

I managed to get home a little early to pacify my husband. He was looking over some paperwork while Little Greg was watching SpongeBob. "Home early," he said with a side smile. I nodded; I couldn't help but smile at him.

He always looked so handsome. There was a difference in him. Back when we first met he had that dope boy swagger. His hard edges had smoothed with time, and his business apparel suited him well. To think the man from back then would be who he is now. "I thought you might like it if I got home a little early." I put my bags on the table and leaned over and kissed him.

"Greg, you're not going to give mommy a hug?" I called over to my son who hadn't even noticed I came home.

"Hi, Mom. SpongeBob is on," he yelled out from the living area.

"SpongeBob trumps all mothers." Grant laughed, "You haven't learned that by now?" I shrugged.

"So how was work?" I asked nonchalantly. Grant looked a little uncomfortable...I noticed that.

"It was ok," he hesitated, "Nothing new." I nodded.

"Really? Nothing new at all?" He shifted in his chair. I noticed that too.

"Nope," he responded. I went to the fridge and grabbed a glass of water.

"So you didn't get a new coworker who happens to be an undercover stripper?"

He dropped his pen and looked at me. "Where did you hear that?" I looked innocently at him.

"Not from you." Grant sighed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Let me guess. Frank's wife called and told you about Gilman's new assistant. I swear that woman has access to our surveillance cameras." I shrugged knowing that Shana made it her business to know everything that was going on in that office and didn't mind sharing that information. To my benefit.

"Look baby, Gilman got a new assistant in his office and everybody met her today. Now, I don't know anything about the undercover stripper thing, but she's a nice person."

I took a sip of my water. "I guess you didn't want to share this information with me." He lowered his head for a moment and then made his way over to me.

"I didn't share it with you because it wasn't important and I didn't want you to catch an attitude for no reason." Grant placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Now why would I catch an attitude because she is working for Gilman? It's not like she is going to be working with you," I said with a big phony Miss America smile. He chuckled.

"See, there is another reason I don't tell you anything. You already seem to know, but what you should know is that there is nothing to worry about." I looked at him, seriously this time.

"Should I know that?" He looked pointedly back at me.

"Yes, you should." I laughed to break the tension. "I guess a little reassurance never hurt." With that, he leaned down and kissed me deeply to the point that I was finding it hard to stand. When he finally released me I was in desperate need of air.

"How is that for reassurance?"

"Great," I barely got out.

***

Grant

To my surprise, I was a little shocked at how close Alexia and I got over the course of a couple months being that we had to work together. She was a hard worker and quick on her feet. It amazed me how she could take control like a natural born leader when necessary. We actually had a lot in common. We both liked psychology, Scrabble, and Chinese food. We would sit around the office talking the day away.

"Ugh. That was gruesome. Fifty exports of tools and assignments. Damn, I feel like an overworked mule. Whew." I laid back in my chair reflecting on the work schedule of the day.

"Well, you handled everything pretty well." Alexia watched as I took the load off. She smiled at me.

I looked away trying to avoid that smile. It was too tempting. "Well, that came from years of practice. I'm pretty much adjusted here."

She giggled a little. "Nice."

I chuckled too, mainly because I was partly confused. "What's nice?"

Her eyes flickered at me. "A man with modesty. That's rare nowadays, especially in the corporate world." Just as I was being pulled in, my cell phone rang. Thank God.

"Hello. Oh, hi baby...What-what do you mean you can't go? I've been talking about this for months. You can't just... So that's more important? Fine, do what you want." I slammed the phone down on the shelf near my desk shaking the foundation.

_Got damn it._ I couldn't believe it. _How could she do this to me?_

"Is everything ok?" I turned and looked at Alexia. I forgot she was there.

"Yeah, it's fine," I lied and calmly sat down at my desk, she was still watching me with suspicion.

"Is there trouble with the wife?" I must have given her a pretty stern look because she quickly apologized for the statement. "Sorry, I was completely out of line. So do you want me to email you some more resources for Project Reach Out?" she asked while taking her foot out of her mouth. I nodded in my dire mood. Alexia grabbed her files and began to walk away.

"For what it's worth, you're much more attractive when you smile." I watched her walk off and smiled slightly. My God, I was so pissed. _How Lucy could do this to me, I didn't_ understand _. She knew how important the dinner was to me and she'd decided not to come._ I rubbed my hands down my face. I'd had it.

# Chapter Eight

_Don't forget me_

Grant

1996

It was our last week together before Lucy went off to college and I wanted us to spend some time with each other. I knew that life for us was about to get hectic being so far away from one another. Now that she was actually in the car, I was regretting the decision to take her ungrateful ass anywhere. Lucy had been fussing about everything ever since I picked her up from her house.

" _I don't want to go to no cheap ass burger joint. Why can't we go to a nice_ sit-down _restaurant?" I glanced over at her while driving and looked at her like she was crazy._

" _You'd better sit yo ass down at this burger place and be happy. Shit, I ain't Puff Daddy." She cut her eyes at me._

" _I just asked if we could we go. I'm not asking you to pay for anything."_

She slouched back into the seat and muttered, "Cheap ass."

" _What?" I asked. Lucy rolled her eyes and folded her arms._

" _Nothing. Absolutely nothing."_

_Damn. For someone who grew up in an exclusive_ neighborhood, _she sure knew how to act like one of these_ low-class _hood rats and if it wasn't working my nerve. I just shook my head and fought the urge to smack the hell out of her. As we pulled into the parking lot of the Burger Joint, things didn't get any better. Lucy got out of the car slamming the car door (that alone almost got her killed), didn't even wait for me when she entered the place, and then stomped her feet all the way to the table. What a damn child, I watched her ass as she walked over and took a seat._

" _Girl, you better be glad you're fine," I muttered._

As she pouted in the corner I could do nothing but stare at her in embarrassment. She wore a cute pink fitted sweater and jeans, but her sour mood turned me off. I shrugged off my jacket as the waitress came over and took our order.

" _What can I do for you today?" She had Bambi like eyes, full lips, bright skin, and long black hair pulled into a ponytail. The Burger Joint uniform didn't take away from her looks. She was a cute girl. I smiled at her._

" _Yeah, I would like the burger special with large fries and a Coke. What do you want, baby?" I said looking over_ at _Lucy. She had her neck twisted and if looks could kill,_ me _and the waitress would be dead. Lucy sat up back straightened, cleared her throat, and spoke as if she was a_ first-grade _teacher._

" _What I want is a new waitress because_ obviously, _this one is serving up more than just food." She pointed at the waitress._

The girl looked offended and stepped back. Her bright and bubbly eyes were now turning cold and I feared the worst. "Excuse me?" the waitress asked. I tried to calm the situation.

" _Lucy, what the hell are you doing?" Lucy turned her gaze to me._

" _I'm not doing anything yet, but what I am not going to do is sit here and get disrespected while you and this yellow_ heffa _flirt all up in my face. If that's what's going down, then I can go home. That way you and_ her _can_ go behind _a dumpster to handle your business."_ Oh _my God. I was absolutely floored. The waitress was getting heated but_ wasn't going to lose her job over anything _. She calmed herself down and tried her hardest to put that nice smile back on her face._

" _Look, I don't have to listen to this. I'll get someone else to assist you." She walked off to another table, not before cutting her eyes at Lucy one good time._

" _You do that," Lucy said, ignoring the girl's gestures and nodded, "and I don't need this either. Take me home now!" She got up and stormed out while I sat there wondering how the hell I got myself involved with this crazy ass female. I saw her standing by the car, so I hit the locks and let us both in. Once again, Lucy slammed the door to prove a point of how mad she was. She was treading on thin ice with that shit. I pulled out of the driveway and got on the main road._

" _You are stupid as hell. Do you know that?" she said, staring straight at me. I kept my focus on the road. Just take her home, I thought to myself._

_Grant take her home, drop her crazy ass off, and never look back. "I am so glad I'm going off to college because you are just a waste of my time." I just shook my head and focused on the road, but Lucy seemed determined for me to go to jail tonight. "You know this is just what I need. I need to leave your trifling ass alone and find me a well-educated_ brotha _who is going places with his life. Who wants to be there for me, support me, take care of me and hell, be a man? Instead of wasting my time with your tired, lying, stupid_ ol _-" I swerved the car off of the road almost making Lucy crash into the window as we entered a vacant lot._

_I looked dead at her unable to maintain my composure any longer. "Ok, first of all, I was just trying to spend some time with your crazy ass before you started school. Second, I don't need you to be here if you don't want to be and_ dammit, _to_ be _honest, I can't wait until you leave because clearly you are out of your damn mi-"_

_Her lips pressed against mine. She crawled over and sat_ right in _my lap. Our tongues couldn't help but swirl together. I pressed the seat back, giving us more room and buried my hands in her curly hair that always smelled so good. I felt her nipples harden. My hands strolled down her perfectly rounded ass._

Lucy kept swirling her tongue around in my mouth and sat down lower on my pelvis, causing my manhood to jump. Realizing where this was going, I quickly slid her off and back into the passenger seat, while I managed to crawl out of the car. It took a minute before I got the feeling back in my leg and slowly stood up. Lucy and I hadn't engaged in any type of sex during our relationship. She wanted her first time to be special, but a second later, she would have been in trouble in the backseat. I quickly caught my breath and she stepped out of the car.

" _What's wrong with you?" she asked innocently. I looked at her as if she was insane._

" _What's wrong with me? What the hell do you mean what's wrong with me?_ You have _just been acting a fool all night then out of nowhere you jump on my sac. What the hell is wrong with you?"_

She took a deep breath and walked closer to me her face was somber and it threw me off. "You are going to forget about me, aren't you?" I rubbed my face, trying to understand what she meant.

" _What?" She eyed me watching my body language intently like some CIA type of shit._

" _I'm going to go off to college and you are going to forget all about me. You're going to find some other girl and not give me the time a day. The same way you did at the burger place. I figured the end was coming for us so why not finish it now." She hung her head down, blinking back tears. I shook my head wondering how she thought so little of me. I stood right in front of her and brought her face up to mine._

" _Woman, how many times do I have to tell you if I wanted somebody else, I'll go be with them? Just because you're going off to college doesn't mean shit. I'm not going anywhere." She gave me a faint smile, the one I had been waiting to see all night._

" _Unless your ass continues to act crazy like you did tonight," I said with a stern face. She laughed at her own actions and I shook my head. "It isn't funny I could have strangled your ass tonight." She fell into my arms and gave me a hug._

" _I'm sorry."_

I held her up against the car and she gave me the sad eyes, which every woman did when she knew she was wrong. "You forgive me?"

_I looked away wanting to make her sweat it out. "I forgive you, but I'm not over it." She laughed at my mockery and brought my lips down to hers. As my tongue_ slipped in _her mouth my legs went numb again._

She broke away from me and asked, "You over it now?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

***

Lucy

Grant and I argued for hours last night. This was the second time I had to cancel a business dinner with his coworkers. We spent the whole night yelling at the top of our lungs and not in a good way. Nothing got resolved as usual and I showed up to work looking a hot mess. My light blue button up shirt was not tucked, my navy suit looked wrinkled, and to my own embarrassment, I wore the wrong shoes.

"Oh, honey, you look awful. What happened?" Megan asked as I came in and quickly rushed me to my office out of sight. I hung my head down in my chair and confessed the whole story.

"Well, have you ever tried listening to his side? He may feel like you're not there for him." Megan kept a hand on my shoulder and handed me a tissue while trying to mediate. I groaned and wiped my nose.

"Ugh! What about me?" I shot up from my seat and looked at her. "Does everyone think I'm so unimportant? He wanted to move across the country away from my family, friends, my entire life and I did that. He wanted to have a baby, hell, I did that too." Meg watched, pitying me as I continued to ramble on. "I do everything he wants, but when I try to take a little piece for myself, I'm selfish. No, this is where I draw the line. He is not taking my career." I huffed and puffed while pacing back and forth through my office. _Damn,_ _I could give this man one of my kidneys and it still wouldn't be enough_. I was sick of it. I am always feeling guilty for trying to do something for me. For once in my life can't I stop putting others before myself? I reached over and looked into my purse to find an empty bottle of Advil.

"Damn!" I yelled throwing my purse at the wall. Megan was in shock.

"Luce...honey, listen to yourself." I looked at her and nodded.

"I am. I am going to listen to myself. For once in my life, I'm going to listen to myself."

Damn it. I have had enough. This was the most important event in my life and I was not surrendering. Not to him. Not to her. Not to anybody.

"Excuse me, ladies." Gabrielle entered my office and stood in the doorway in awe. _Oh shit, how long had she been standing there?_ I quickly recomposed myself but it was of no help.

"I'm sorry to interrupt this discussion, but I have designers waiting to showcase their work _._ " _Oh damn._ I remembered we had a meeting with the designers.

I looked from Gabrielle to Meg and back again. "Yes...Umm...Right, this way." Meg stood up and smoothed back her hair into place.

"I'll talk to you later." She watched as Gabrielle and I made our exit. I followed Gabrielle to the boardroom, but when I reached for the handle to the door she put her hand on my lower back. She pushed past our appointed destination and guided me to a secluded area. "I overheard your conversation," she said sternly. She kept her voice sharply professional. Immediately I was embarrassed.

"Gabrielle, I'm so sorry I-"

"Listen," she cut me off and brushed a piece of lent off her dark designer dress. "Normally I wouldn't intervene in a situation like this, but I hate to see good potential go to waste," she paused for effect. She had my attention and when she saw she did, she spoke again, "On the rise to the top some people are able to tag along while others...well they fall by the waste side and sometimes they set up roadblocks on the way to success. Now, you're a very smart woman; I'm going to let you think about that for a moment."

She put a strand of my hair back in place, reminding me that she liked order in the workplace. "I am waiting when you're ready."

With that, Gabrielle went into the boardroom while I stood and thought about my future. I wanted to be successful. I wanted it badly, but I didn't want to lose my husband along the way. Was I actually considering the unthinkable? I had given up everything to be with Grant. I loved him and our family. How could I turn away? How could I? _Oh no_. I rested my hands on the windowsill. My instant laughter was turning into soft sobs and tears stung the backs of my eyes. I thought about the past few years, and I couldn't think of one time that I actually enjoyed being outside of work with my family. My work had consumed me. I had become so focused on doing what I wanted to do that I lost sight of the most important thing in the world to me.

"Like mother like daughter huh?" I muttered. I instantly hated myself knowing that I had done something that I vowed to myself that I would never do...leave my family behind. I took calming breaths trying not to break down. Gabrielle was right. After taking a few moments, I knew exactly what I had to do. I walked right into the boardroom in front of all my colleagues including Meg and potential designers. They were all waiting to see the showcases for the annual ball that was coming up. It was supposed to be my big coming out event. There were clothes on the racks, models waiting to walk. Everyone else was taking a seat ready to ooh and aaah over the new fashion talent. I made my way through all the constantly moving workers, set on a mission to do what I needed to do. Gabrielle spotted me looking lost among the commotion and motioned for me to come to her.

"Natalia, come have a seat. We are ready to start." I nodded and made my way to the podium that was set in front of them.

"First, I have something that I would like to say." The room grew silent as they all stared at me. Gabrielle grew tense making her beautiful face become stern. She wasn't a woman for random outbursts. I looked down at them and decided before fear set in to go ahead and get it over with. "Well, first, I would like to say what an honor it was to be chosen to host the annual ball and I want to thank all of you for your hard work and participation in this event, but-but I am no longer going to host the annual ball." Gasp and confused looks filled the room. Even Meg thought I had lost my mind. While I was standing up there, Gabrielle's already stern face grew even tenser. "Not that I am not grateful for the opportunity, but I have other obligations that need my attention at this time." Although heads nodded, faces still held the look of confusion. I looked to Meg whose eyes had grown softer. She knew exactly what I was saying.

I continued on, "I believe there is someone else more deserving of this opportunity and she would create greater works than I ever could." Gabrielle looked toward Meg whose jaw had dropped all the way to the floor then back at me. "She'll do a great job." I nodded and descended the podium. Meg managed to greet me as I got down.

"Lucy, are you crazy? I can't take over the ball." Green eyes in a panic, distorting her model-like features. I patted her shoulders.

"Meg, you will do fine. You deserve this now show them what you got." Meg really did deserve the opportunity. She was a hard worker. She may not have had that cutthroat type of attitude that I have but she was very creative and people oriented. She shook her head at me.

"Luce, I don't know if I can."

"Megan-" We looked over to Gabrielle who stood across the room like stone amongst the chaos. "May I have a word please?" Gabrielle asked.

Meg looked to me and I nodded. "Go."

She looked back to Gabrielle. "Yes, I'm coming." As she walked over to the next level of her career I watched proudly feeling no sense of loss. She turned back to me and mouthed the words thank you. I nodded and watched her go on. _Where to next, Lucy?_ I thought. I glanced at all of the workers roaming the boardroom and then to the exit. _Next stop...Home._

***

Lucy

1996

_The music boomed in the two-bedroom apartment. There were people crowded around drinking, smoking, and bumping to the beat blasting from the stereos in the small living quarters. One of Grant's friends was throwing a party in Cedar Park and Grant and I decided to ride through. It was Christmas break for me, so I tried to spend as much time as possible with Grant._ The few _months away from him were unbearable, although he had made plenty of efforts to call and come see me as much as possible it still wasn't the same. I needed to be near him and what better way to do that than on New Year's Eve. We made our way to the bartender for the night and he handed us two red cups._

" _Sip it slow," he told me, knowing I was new to drinking. I looked around; everyone seemed pretty chill just feeling the vibe with one another in the ambiance of it all. I wore my best outfit. A silk red dress with matching shoes and my hair was pinned up in a way that Grant wasn't used to seeing exposing my neck and shoulders. He watched me and I watched him. He wore a black sweater and dark jeans and that Burberry cologne that I loved so much._

" _You feeling this baby?" he leaned over and whispered in my ear._

I looked up at him and nodded. I wasn't used to the party scenes, especially not house parties, having heard horror stories about them, but as long as I was with Grant I didn't seem to mind. A slow Keith Sweat song hit the speakers and I couldn't stop my hips from swaying to that seductive music. Grant took notice, put his hand on my lower back, and guided me to the dance floor. I took a sip from my red cup and followed his lead. He pulled me close to the point where his chest was on my back. He placed his strong hands on my belly and kept me close to his body as we moved to the beat.

I felt his warm breath on my neck and cradled his arm. My lips eventually found his and we came together adding another instrument of music to the already playing sounds. I turned and grabbed the back of his head while his hands slid down the slinky silk fabric that covered my body. He pulled away for a moment and just stared at me with his dark penetrating eyes.

" _Let's go somewhere," he whispered._

_A cold uncertain feeling entered the pit of my stomach knowing the plans he had in my mind for us. I didn't know if I was ready for what he was asking, but my feet still followed. He led me back to one of the empty rooms and closed the door behind us. The drink I had must have been wearing off because I was leery of being alone with him. I watched him circle me with a smile on his face and his eyes roaming my body slowly. It wasn't romantic. It was more like a vulture lurking on its prey. I felt so uneasy but I didn't move. Grant approached me from behind and placed gentle kisses on my neck and slid the straps of my dress off. Instantly the gown hit the floor and I stood there with nothing but panties and heels on. He nibbled on my ear and I had to hold on to the sides of his legs trying to keep_ _steady. His hands found their way into my underwear and stroked the softness of my flesh._

" _Oh, God," those two words managed to escape my lips as Grant went further. I placed my hands on his thighs and dug my nails into his jeans. I rested the back of my head against his chest while he fondled me. As my breast hardened, I felt liquid begin to wet my thighs. It became difficult to breathe. I grabbed his hands stopping the unbearable pleasure. He showed mercy on my inexperienced body and turned me to face him. He planted his lips on to mine and walked me backward. We eased back unto the strange bed while Grant planted sweet kisses on my face, neck, and breast._

He slid off my underwear and slowly removed my heels one by one. Thump...thump. They fell, the carpet nuzzling the sounds. I watched him work like an artist slowly imagining and creating a masterpiece. My heart was pounding viciously not knowing what to expect and I feared the rapid beating was going to split my chest open. "Grant..." I barely managed to get out due to the adrenaline rush.

" _Shhh," he said with a finger to his lips. He removed his shirt and tossed it aside. I tensed up and yet marveled at his beautifully chiseled body. It is one thing to imagine making love to a man, but it was another to actually do it. The_ _anxiety was paralyzing. Grant undid his belt and lowered his pants. Unable to take the pressure I decided to speak up as tears spilled from my eyes._

" _I can't. I can't do this. I'm not ready." I sat up in bed under his disapproving glare._

" _C'mon, Luce. Don't do this. We've come this far already don't shut down on me now," he begged. I shook my head and continued to wipe tears from my eyes._

" _I can't. I'm sorry I can't." Grant rubbed his hands down his face as if he were trying to snatch the skin off his skull._

" _What the hell is wrong with you?" he roared at me. I didn't know if the room was shaking or if I was. "All this time we've spent together and you're still not ready?" He'd gotten up and begun pacing back and forth. I continued to sob, not wanting to endure any further humiliation. He looked at me like I was absolutely pitiful. "Why the hell am I calling you a woman if you chose to remain a damn girl? I have no use for you." I wiped the continuous tears from my face. I couldn't stand to take the_ berating _. I hopped off the bed, quickly slipped on my dress, and grabbed my shoes before running out the door. I bumped into and trampled over partygoers until I found my way out. Into the dead of night, I raced until my feet could no longer carry me and my breath had given out. I found myself blocks away from where I started and in the worst part of Lake City I had ever seen. There were cars blasting loud_ hip-hop _beats, crack heads were begging dealers for a fix, and prostitutes flagged cars down hoping to turn a trick._

_I have to get out of here. My mind_ scrambled on _where to go._

" _Hey...hey_ lil' _mama. How much?" It was some ugly guy on a corner hollering at me. I watched him give pounds to his friends as if he had me in the bag. I backed up not wanting any_ part in _what he was planning. "Hey girl what you gonna charge to hit that!"_

I looked around trying to find somewhere to go, but every street looked worse than the next. The obnoxious man began to walk towards me, not wanting to let him get any closer I made a run for it.

" _Hey...Hey!" I could still hear him calling for me, but I_ didn't _stop. I turned numerous corners and finally hid in a nearby alley until I lost him or so I thought. "Damn, girl." The strange man grabbed my wrist and turned me to face him. "You run fast huh? Now, I thought we were discussing payment."_

I tried to snatch away from him but he was too strong. "Let me go!" I yelled.

He towered over me a wicked grin spread across his face. "C'mon girl, I'll make it good for you." He shoved me to the ground and straddled on top of me.

" _No! Get off. Get off of me," I screamed until my throat_ burned _while looking for the nearest weapon. That made him mad and he smacked me across the face causing me to wince in pain._

" _Relax bitch. Be grateful I'm even paying for this shit. Now hold still." He ripped open my dress and began to_ kiss on _my neck._

" _No...Get off me...No...Stop." I tried to force him off, scratching and clawing but he didn't even budge. I gave him one more push and it was like he flew across the alley. I was wiping tears and snot from my face, marveling at my own strength. Getting to my feet, I saw that it wasn't my strength at all. Grant stood over the strange man like he was about to do some serious damage. The look that was on his face was unreal. The man got to his feet._

" _Who the fuck are you?" Grant wasted no time and cold clocked the dude dropping him to the ground._

He attempted to get up but Grant quickly tackled him and began raining down blows. I could hear his fist pounding down on the guy's skull and he was yelling in pain. I managed to cover myself with the remaining parts of my clothing and yelled for Grant to stop in fear that he would murder the guy. It was like he realized I was still standing there and eased up off of the bloodied mongrel. Grant wiped his bloodstained hands on his shirt and turned to me.

" _Let's go." It was more of a command than a question. He grabbed my arm and since I had no better option, followed. Grants face was blank and he said nothing on the drive back._

" _I'm taking you home." He didn't even look at me._

" _You can't," I protested. I was surprised at how hoarse my voice was from screaming. "I told my dad that I was staying with a friend from school."_

He shook his head and kept his eyes on the road. We drove to his aunt and uncle's house out in the country knowing that they were at a family function.

Grant unlocked the door and I followed behind him. He went to the nearest bathroom and cleaned off his hands while I sat on the couch sobbing at how awful the once perfect night had ended. I felt so alone and the one person I loved more than anything now hated me. He came back into the room face still blank and handed me a towel and washrag.

" _Go get cleaned up. You can sleep in my room."_

_I nodded at his generosity although his eyes were cold, I attempted to apologize, "Grant I'm_ sor _-"_

" _Just go get cleaned up," he cut me off, "we'll talk in the morning."_

_With_ that, _he walked into the kitchen and raided the fridge. I lowered my head and did as I was told. I quickly showered and walked into his room in my towel. Grant's room was nothing like I expected it to be. It was nice and clean with a small bed and ocean blue walls. I grabbed one of his t-shirts from off the bed, put it on, and searched for warmth within his cold sheets. My eyes_ felt _heavy, closed against my will, and I drifted off to sleep without warning, but my body barely_ let _me slumber for thirty minutes._

_Even in the cold_ house, _I woke up sweating and aching for Grant. His touched still lingered with me and I wanted to feel it again. I fought so hard to ignore the yearning in my_ body _but to no avail. I sat up in his bed finally striking up the nerve to go to him. I removed his shirt and wrapped myself in his bed sheets. He was asleep in his underwear on the couch, which couldn't accommodate his long body. I made my way over and sat beside him. I touched his shoulders and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck. He began to move around. I nibbled on his ear. He was fully erect. "Lucy...what are you doing?" he whispered. I allowed the sheet to drop around my waist revealing my naked breast. Grant, who was half-asleep, was then very much awake._

I pulled his lips into mine and eased onto him. Our mouths intertwined as my nipples hardened. Realizing what was about to take place Grant stopped us abruptly.

" _No. Lucy, you don't have to do this," he said trying to push me aside. Now it was my turn to hush him. I placed my hand on his hardening and began to stroke while tasting his tongue again. He no longer put up a fight and gripped my hair in his hands pushing his mouth closer to mine. Seeing that I was adamant Grant picked me up off the couch. "Not here. My room."_

I held on to him as we made it to his bed. He gently laid me down on the bed and mounted on top me. "Are you sure?" His eyes were soft again and full of concern as he whispered

I nodded. "Yes, I want you." His lips pressed down against mine as his finger found my clitoris and circled it. I closed my eyes and let his fingers work their magic until that familiar wetness began to form.

_Grant slipped on a condom and eased_ himself inside _me slowly. It took some work at first, but I held on to his lower back letting him know it was ok. Grant placed one hand on the headboard and the other on the pillow beside me and began thrusting. I held onto him for dear life even when tears slid out of my eyes._

" _Oh, God," I moaned as his speed picked up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and after the pain, the friction our lower regions were causing was enjoyable. Grant pushed in further and I screamed. We both reached our climax and Grant fell on top of me and we struggled to catch our breath. I took in the weight of his body before he rolled over beside me. Our eyes grew weary again and sleep captured us. That time I really did sleep. As morning came I watched Grant slumber, as I lay naked on his chest. Even the turmoil of last night couldn't sour the moment for me. He woke up to me staring at him and smiled._

" _Good morning," he said._

" _Good morning."_

He wrapped his arms around my body and held me close. I noticed his bruised hands from the night before.

" _Grant...Grant, I love you." He was silent for a while then kissed my hair._

" _I love you too, baby."_

# Chapter Nine

_Too Little, Too Late_

Grant

"We would like to thank you all for coming out tonight and celebrating the success of Good and Weldness. We hope you all have enjoyed yourself and continue to help Good and Weldness Corporation grow into the successful company we know it will be," The master of ceremony addressed the audience who applauded as they rose from their seats. The fancy restaurant that Gilman and Marshall picked was decked out in finery with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, works of art from old dead painters on the walls, and I could have sworn the silverware was real silver. I had never beheld such expensive stuff in my life. I tried not to look so amazed by all the rich cats throwing their money around but my wide eyes tended to give me away. I looked at the note cards in my pocket and ran through them again. It was my big night to show the executives of my corporation the innovative plans I had come up with to further the company's profit.

When I first approached Gilman with my proposal he was a little leery but a quick review of my past work won him over, at least made him listen to what I had to say. Before I knew it, I had to come up with this whole presentation to showcase in front of all of the big business tycoons at Good and Wildness' celebration dinner. I was a little intimidated by all of the people that were there, and I struggled to be cool.

I looked up from the dinner table and glanced around the room. There were so many different people from different cultures mingling together but they all had one thing in common - money and plenty of it. Who would have ever thought that same twelve-year-old street dealer would have made it all the way to New York City speaking about deal plans to a room full of corporate moguls? However, there I was nervous and scared to death that I was going to make a fool out of myself. The only thing that could calm me down at those moments was looking at Lucy's face in the crowd smiling and reassuring me that I could do it, but there was no Lucy. From the way that I was feeling I told myself I didn't give a damn where she was, but I truthfully did. I quickly shook it off as I saw Frank motion for me to come up to the nearby podium. It was show time. I slowly rose from my seat and straightened out my suit. I met Frank at the stairs of the podium.

"Hey man, you ready?" He looked more nervous than I did. His hands were shaking.

"Yeah, as I am ever going to be." I prepared myself to face the crowd. He nodded and patted me on the shoulder.

"Alright, kick ass."

"Sho nuff." I patted him on the shoulder and made my way to face the audience. As I stood at the podium, all eyes were on me. It was brutally silent. I tensed up but kept my composure. _Just do_ it _Grant, the faster you start it the faster it is over with_.

"Good evening everyone. For those who don't know who I am, my name is Grant Smith, Head Supervisor at Good and Weldness." Oh, _my Lord, I sound so stupid._ I tried to keep a smile plastered on my face, but my nerves were getting to me. I stared at their faces all staring back at me and felt my mouth dry out. "Everyone has come out tonight to celebrate the corporation's success, but I'm here tonight to share with you new ways to further the success of Good and Weldness." I had to picture Lucy's face in the crowd to calm me down. My gaze fell on a woman sitting at the bar. She had on a dark fitted dress, but I couldn't make out who she was in the dim light. She kept her eyes focused on me and I could see her red lips form the sweetest smile pushing me to continue.

"When I first decided to become a welder I never thought that I could achieve such a rigorous course. I was lucky that I had someone there pushing me to go on and accomplish my goals. The Welding Tech Program did just that for me and many others in my position. This program takes young males like me, who had low income and little education, and showed us how to better not only ourselves but our lives too. After much training in the Welding Tech Program, I was able to land a job in my local town which then led me to Good and Weldness Corporation." _Doing good, Grant_. I occasionally glanced at the woman at the bar. For some reason, it was as if she were helping me through it. "This training program helped me to not only become a welder at Good and Weldness, but a now leading Supervisor within the corporation and now I want to give back by introducing you all to Project Reach Out.

By combining the Welding Tech Training Program with Good and Weldness Corporation, we would be opening doors for so many young men and women to find work in this spiraling economy while increasing the income of the corporation." I noticed head nods and looks of intrigue. That told me that I had them in the bag. "With this training program on our side, we would be able to further branch out among not only New York, but California, Florida, and many other states. Project Reach Out is a beneficial campaign for not only our corporation but many people in wait for an opportunity to better their lives and themselves." I gathered my note cards and exited the stage as applause echoed throughout. _Rough start, but smooth sailing._

Frank was waiting for me grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Not bad, buddy. Not bad at all," he said, pulling me into a hug.

"Thanks, man. I was shaking like a leaf up there." He shook his head.

"Couldn't tell." My eyes searched for the woman at the bar, but couldn't find her. I was able to spot Gilman who nodded in approval of my speech. The business dinner went great for the most part. Everyone was laughing, joking, and discussed improvements for the company. I was in the midst of more praises of my speech when I noticed the woman in the black dress moving through the crowd and this time, I knew exactly who she was. I was most definitely shocked to see Alexia there, but something inside me was very grateful she had come as she made my speech a lot easier to get through. I would think a girl like her would be out on a date or something, but she was here with me. After I gave my presentation on Project Reach Out, the big officials came to me to give the final verdict.

Increasing the workforce by way of low-income employees was a win-win. It would get more work done and more work meant more money. I knew they would jump for joy at the sound of that. After it was all over the officials were thinking of promoting me and I couldn't contain my excitement. Hell, a promotion...that was cause for celebration. Alexia came up to me, she had me staring at the little black number that hugged her figure.

"Oh, wow, you were amazing. They loved it." She embraced me and her sweet perfume assaulted my nostrils. She wore her hair down around her shoulders, but it wasn't hiding her pretty face.

"Thanks, I wasn't expecting you to come," I said honestly. She looked at me confused.

"Why wouldn't I be here? You were giving your presentation tonight." I looked at her astonished.

"You came for me?"

She smiled. "Don't look so shocked." Alexia gently nudged my chest. Gilman made his way over to us. I found it hard not to smile every time I saw him because he reminded me of the KFC man just a little taller and in an Armani suit.

"Grant my boy, you were amazing. Can't wait to put this project to work." I shook his hand.

"Thanks. I'm willing to do anything to help the company." He grinned.

"You see Alexia; this is why I wanted him to take you under his wing. Show you the ropes. This man is going places." She kept her eyes on me still smiling.

"Yes...he is." Gilman made his way around the party and Alexia and I stood in the same spot just staring at each other.

"Well, it's um getting late. I'm going to head home." She started to walk away.

"Wait," I said stopping her in her tracks.

"Let me take you home." She turned around and searched my eyes.

"You sure?" I shook off my guilt and nodded.

"Least I could do."

I navigated my Range Rover until we reached an underground vacancy a few blocks away from Fifth Avenue. I parked the car and walked with her to the elevator of her building. She waltzed in ahead of me and I watched her hips sway. I could clearly tell she was naked under her tight constricting dress.

"Are you coming?" she asked blocking the elevator door from closing. I hesitated but eventually walked in.

"So you live in a studio apartment?" I asked to get rid of some of the nervous energy building up inside of me. Alexia inhaled.

"Yes, it's kind of artsy that's why I like it." I nodded and glanced over at her. I could see the curves of her breast down the opening of her dress that pressed tightly up against her skin. If it was catching my attention in a dim lit restaurant, it was most definitely catching it right now. I felt so much heat pressuring down on me in the elevator and something told me by the way she kept touching herself she did too.

"You ok?" I turned and asked her. I took her in with intensity. She noticed and instead of getting out of the elevator Alexia stopped it.

"You know I really have wanted to thank you for helping me adjust to working at the corporation."

_Really, because I want to thank you too_. _A lot_. I swallowed hard.

"No need. It's been a pleasure. I mean it's been good to work with you." She smiled. Damn that sweet smile. I swear I was sweating bullets.

"Grant, you are a wonderful man, a brilliant man, and I want you to know that I appreciate you."

Oh, God... She was staring at me in that way. That way that all lovers stare at each other when it's about to go down. We both knew what was coming. Alexia grabbed the back of my head and brought my mouth down to hers. As our or tongues twisted and turned I'd never felt something so strong in my life. I was losing all feeling in my legs. I broke away from her gasping for air. She backed up and was practically placing herself against the wall.

I walked back over to her. We stood so close that I could feel her breath on my face. She reached for my belt and felt around inside my pants. I groaned while she bit on my bottom lip calling my mouth back down to hers. I put my hands under her dress, picked her up, and placed her on my groin. I couldn't believe how moist she was and we hadn't even started yet. I lowered my pants and pushed her hips all the way down as far as they could get. She gripped my shoulders and moaned as her body stretched to accommodate me. When I got her in a fixed position, I began to work my magic. Alexia tilted her head back and wrapped her legs around my waist, holding on for the ride. I worked her body up and down like a jackhammer, ignoring her cries. There was a need inside of me that only she could fill and damn it I was going to get full tonight. I felt my own orgasm about to peak and I knew it was time to bring it on home.

I lowered her body all the way down and hammered away until I climaxed. I didn't pay attention to Alexia's panting until I let her down. I used my weight for her to lean on while she caught her breath. She lifted her head and I could tell she was in deep thought. I wrapped my arms around her waist bringing her closer to me.

"What are you thinking about?" I kissed her cheek.

"Huh?" She brought her eyes to mine and kissed my lips.

"I want to go to my place, now." I looked at her, body sweating and still calling for me and nodded.

"Lead the way." She opened the elevator and I followed her to her apartment. I placed kisses on her neck and ear as she opened the door. We made our way inside and Alexia flung her purse and keys to the floor.

I turned her around and found her mouth again. We stood there touching, feeling, and slobbering each other down before I noticed the door to her bedroom. She saw where I was looking and led me inside. It was a nice place with a lot of familiar artwork hanging up. She had a queen size bed with dark lavender covers just waiting. I pulled her dress off and exposed her naked body. My word she was beautiful. Her tanned skin glowed in the moonlight and her firm breast became more noticeable.

"Lie down," I instructed, she did as asked, and placed herself on the bed kicking off her heels. I removed my already loose clothing and joined her. I lowered my head softly bit her knee, caressed her thighs with my tongue then buried my head between her legs.

"Oh...Grant," she moaned. It was hard to ignore her screams as she squirmed up under me.

I continued to show no mercy as she exploded in my mouth. I looked up at her. She couldn't even open her eyes. The throws of passion had completely taken her over. I crawled up her body teasing her with my tongue along the way.

"Open your eyes," I whispered as I placed a kiss on her lips. Alexia forcefully looked at me unable to mask the unbearable pleasure she was feeling. Knowing I had her attention I inserted myself inside her again. She tensed up but I leaned over her making sure she kept her eyes on me the entire time. Her nails clawed into my back as I increased my speed. I placed kisses all over her face to make it bearable.

"Ughhh," she moaned.

Her breathing grew rapid and she couldn't stop her body from shaking. I pushed on shaking the bed until I collapsed on top of her. "Oh my God!" Alexia panted as she welcomed my body weight unto hers.

She was finally able to uncurl her toes and let her body relax along with mine. I attempted to roll over but she pulled me back down to her.

"Don't move. Please baby, don't move. Stay right here with me." She placed kisses on my neck as I rested my head on a pillow. I remembered the feeling that I was feeling before. This complete satisfaction that felt like a drug. I'd felt it before but I couldn't remember where.

# Chapter Ten

Can't Stay Away

Grant

On the drive home I thought about having slept with Alexia and I knew I was wrong for what I'd done, but for some reason, I just didn't feel guilty. At all. I even thought about doing it again. I knew things between me and Lucy had to be straight awful for me to feel that way. It was the most important night of my life and she wasn't there, and probably didn't even care. At that point, I figured my marriage was a lost cause. I walked in the house a little after twelve. I was hoping Lucy would be asleep by now so I could avoid a confrontation. I made my way into the house, placed my keys on the hook, and attempted to go upstairs.

"You're home?"

To my surprise, Lucy was up waiting for me in the living area. My heart dropped at the sound of her voice and I tensed up trying not to come off suspicious. I walked slowly to where she was.

"What's wrong?" I could tell she had been crying. She straightened her face.

"Oh I'm fine, but we aren't. Are we?"

I walked towards her on the couch still confused. Lucy cleared her throat and struggled to talk. "What I mean is that, you haven't been happy with me lately. That's why you did what you did," she clarified.

_Oh no she knows_. _How did she find out? Was it one of those women's intuition things?_ Immediately my heart stopped and my eyes started to plead with her.

"Look, let's just talk about it."

"There is nothing to say but I'm sorry," she said.

Now, I was completely puzzled as I sat on the couch next to her.

"Grant, I know I haven't been the best wife. Ok let's be honest, I have been the worst wife. I've been so focused on my career that I've lost sight of the two most important people in my life." She took my hands into hers, "I have made a lot of mistakes and I-I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, but baby, I'm sorry." I watched her sob, pleading for my forgiveness, and shook my head.

"No. I can't do this...I can't do this." I pulled my hand away from hers and stood up. She looked at me with sad eyes.

"Grant please..." I walked to the window and leaned on it. _What_ the hell was _wrong with her?_ _After all these years and after all this time, now she finally gets a damn clue. Now after not being there for me when I needed her. Now after what I did_. She stood up and slowly walked toward me.

"Grant I'm sorry. I know I should have been there for you tonight, but you have to understand I was trying to-"

I cut her off. "I don't care," I roared scaring her. "I have been begging you to be there for me, spend time with me, and your son." She stood there shaking as tears streamed down her eyes. I continued to lash out. "Now, the one time I needed you - I needed you to be there and you weren't." I watched her sob in the middle of the room. She looked so helpless. I wasn't even mad at her. I was mad at myself because I made love to another woman and now thinking back on it I hated myself for it. I walked toward Lucy and slowly brought her closer to me. She buried her face into my chest.

"Grant I'm so sorry. I am." I continued to hold her and kiss her head.

"It's ok baby. It's ok, "I consoled, but she continued to cry.

"God, you must hate me right now, huh?" she asked and. I grabbed her face sternly.

"I love you ok. There is nothing you can do or say that is going to change that." She leaped back into my arms grateful for the mercy I was showing her.

"I'm so sorry baby. I swear I'm going to make it up to you. I promise. You hear me? I promise."

I felt so guilty; I hated myself for stepping out on my marriage. _Damn_.

"It's alright baby. We're going to be fine," I promised her. Lucy attempted to kiss me, but I quickly dodged her. She looked hurt and confused.

"What's wrong?"

I stepped back. _What do I do? I can't kiss her like this._ _Not after..._

"Nothing's wrong, baby. I just, uh, threw up. Too much to drink tonight." She nodded not sure on whether to believe me or not. I walked toward her and placed my hand on her shoulders.

"Let me just go get cleaned up. Wait for me in the bed ok?" Lucy wiped her face and nodded as I went upstairs. I made it to the bathroom and cursed myself. _Damn._ I ran the shower and removed my clothing trying to find any marks left on my body after being with Alexia. I couldn't believe the shit I had gotten myself into.

After washing up I walked into the bedroom and Lucy was still up waiting for me. I climbed into bed with her and she smiled faintly.

"I thought you would never get in here." She placed her hands on my shoulders and kissed my lips. I reluctantly kissed her allowing my tongue to mingle with hers before pulling away. I couldn't do it. It was bad enough I slept with someone else. I wouldn't dare be so disrespectful enough to sleep with Lucy the same night. She looked sad that I didn't want to have sex. She felt like I didn't want her.

"Baby, I'm just tired. Let me hold you." With tearful eyes, she agreed and lay down with me. She stayed in my embrace that entire night not wanting to let go. I couldn't help the shame I felt. The neglect from my wife was nothing compared to the betrayal I had committed.

***

I walked into the office anticipating seeing Alexia for the first time since our sexual encounter. With all the drama from last night, my mind felt like a rollercoaster and I didn't know where the next stop was going to be. I may have had a lot of confusion going on, but one thing was going to be understood. Alexia and I would never happen again and I was going to make that very clear. I walked past the breakfast stand where I would usually pick up something before work, I moved past the front office where I would say good morning to the staff, I walked right into my office and contemplated the next move. I couldn't believe how stupid I was last night. Having sex with this girl like I wasn't even married. I felt so damn foolish. I started to rub my temples when I noticed a note on the desk saying I had a meeting in thirty minutes to discuss layouts for project Reach out. _Oh great_. _More stress_. A smooth hand caressed my back and I jumped turning to see Alexia.

"Is something wrong?" she asked in confusion. I tried to regain my composure, but that black skirt that was showing off her long legs wasn't helping. It took a moment for me to realize she said something.

"Yeah, um...I'm fine." I was finally able to look her in the face. Her hair was pulled back and her full lips were painted with red lipstick. "Actually no... I'm not fine." I moved closer to her with a hard stare this time. "Look Alexia, I like you. I like you a lot, but I love my wife. What happened between us can never happen again." _Strong and firm Grant,_ I kept telling myself. _Strong and firm._ She stood there taking in everything I said and nodded.

"It's ok. I completely understand." I looked at her puzzled.

"You do?"

"Yes Grant," she said as she walked closer to me.

"Are you sure because I never meant to hurt you or lead you on? I just-" She put up a hand to silence me.

"I understand. We both got carried away. Let's just forget about it." I took a sigh of relief until she placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Should I transfer to another office? Give us some distance." Imagine the irony because there was absolutely no distance between us. She kept looking at me the same way she looked at me last night. That's how we got into all the trouble in the first place. Her finger traced my lips causing me to harden. She placed her knee against my groined and gently massaged it. Alexia bit her lip enjoying the reaction she was getting out of me.

"I just don't know if I can stay away from you."

"Alexia." Her name escaped out of my weak mouth. I was completely captivated by her once again.

We started kissing, and instantly I felt that heat building up again. I felt under her skirt and placed her right on my desk. She lay down and spread her legs and revealed her bareness. Her eyes stared at me waiting to feel that orgasm she had felt last night again. Right on top of my desk. I undid my pants and entered her slowly. Alexia wrapped her legs around me as I continued to push harder into her. As much as we did it last night, Alexia's body was now naturally stretched to fit me. She ground her hips into me as I stroked her.

"Oh damn, Grant," she moaned. I kept one hand on her shoulder and the other on her hip perfectly balancing us as I pushed. We were deep into it, damn near to the climax when I heard a knock on my office door. We both stopped and looked. Alexia fell back against the desk moaning and dissatisfied by the interruption.

"Damn," I mumbled. _Knock, knock._ We quickly got ourselves together.

"Come in." Marshall made his way into my office.

He was an older white man with thinning hair, bold eyes and the best Italian suits in the country. He was a riot when at dinner parties and office jams, but when it was time to get serious he was serious.

"Hey there. I was hoping you had the paperwork ready for me. That way we could get started with Project Reach Out." He walked in and peered at me for a moment. "You ok Grant?"

I nodded. "Yes. Why?" He shrugged.

"You're just sweating a little." I touched my forehead. It was wet.

"Oh. I just took a light jog this morning. You know, got to stay in shape." He looked at me like I was joking.

"If you were any more in shape you could be a bodybuilder," he chuckled and I joined in trying to hide my nervousness.

"Anyway, the files?"

"Oh yes." I got the files out of my cabinet. "Here you go."

He quickly scooped them up. "Grant, you're doing such a great job. Before you know it, you will be running things." I smiled.

"Thank you, sir. That means a lot coming from you." He nodded and with that he was out the door.

"Whew! Talk about close." Alexia emerged from the closet laughing at the whole situation. I noticed her clothes were back on properly like they had never been touched. I shook my head.

"This shit is not funny." I looked at her sternly. How could she find this amusing? My boss almost walked in on me screwing his partner's assistant? She pouted when she saw my angry expression.

"Oh c'mon. Don't look like that. He didn't even notice anything." She walked over and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. "Besides, even if he saw us it would have been well worth it." Alexia glanced at herself in the mirror to make sure nothing was out of order and when everything met her requirements she headed for the door.

"I'll see you later, ok?"

As she walked out she turned around and winked at me. I buried my face in my hands, wondering what the hell I had just done. I straightened up my light grey tie and tried to get my head clear. Once again I had put my marriage in jeopardy. Once again I had broken my vows and... _Wait a damn minute_ , I thought while sitting back in my chair. _How many times has Lucy put our marriage in jeopardy? How many_ times had _she broken our marriage vows? So what the hell am I feeling sorry for?_ I shook my head. As far as I was concerned she brought this on herself. I was no longer going to feel guilty being with Alexia; I had finally found a woman who didn't mind giving me some attention. And damn it...it is what it is. I leaned back into my chair as much as I was trying to convince myself that I was right in what I was doing, I couldn't help but feel a gnawing at my heart.

Alexia

I giggled as he nibbled on my ear. It was a good distraction from the pleasurable pain he was inflicting on my body. The heat that our bodies were creating was so thick in the room it felt like a sauna. I felt his sweat rolling down my back and I ducked my head into the pillow trying to stop my heavy panting. He locked his fingers into mine while executing more pressure on me from behind. While he towered over me, I lay flat across the bed trying to take as much as I could stand without passing out. "Ugh!" I moaned as he went deeper.

I nearly bit a hole through my lip at how enjoyably rough this was. He must have seen how much pain I was willing to take and placed kisses on my face and neck to soothe the pain.

As we felt our climax coming he firmly gripped my hands and placed his head between the space between my neck and shoulder.

"Oh, God...I can't," I screamed as the juiciest orgasm I ever had exploded inside of me and spilled out all over my sheets. He collapsed on top of me and we rested for a minute trying to catch our breaths. I brought our enclosed hands together and wrapped them around me as we recovered from our sexual peak. Grant rolled over to the other side of the bed, leaving my once warm body cold from his absence. He rested his eyes for a moment...then it happened. That look came across his face as it always did when he was finished with me. The look of pain, sadness, and regret. I hated that look. I didn't understand how he could feel that way after the passionate sex we'd have.

I knew exactly what he would think about. I didn't know why he still continued to play house with his wife like everything between them was ok. Obviously, that was not the case. It couldn't be. Not when he spent so much of his time in my bed. It was more than just sex with us, it was need, and I felt like I needed him inside me. Our relationship was like a drug. I was addicted to this man and he was to me. Yet he refused to drop his unnecessary baggage. He refused to admit to himself that his marriage had run its course. There was nothing else she could do for him so why did he continue to stay? He couldn't still possibly love her. Not after all this time. He was so frustrating, I could never truly know how he felt. _Damn him,_ I thought. I tried to hide the anger I felt but it would not subside. We lay there separate despite the fact that just moments ago we were deeply intertwined inside each other.

I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't deal with him being with me one moment, making me feel like he wanted me then leaving me the next. I needed to know something from him and I needed to know immediately.

"Grant," I whispered while sliding over and lying on his dark wide chest, his body was truly a work of art, so structured and masculine. I placed so many kisses on his chocolate skin I thought I could taste the sweetness. He welcomed me onto his chest, coming back to the present after being gone from deep within his thoughts. "Grant, what are we doing?" He looked confused by my question. I lifted my head to face him.

"I mean why are you here with me?" He started laughing which threw me off.

"I didn't hear you complaining a few minutes ago. What's up?" He was joking around, but I was very serious. Grant saw the worry on my face and sat up.

"Alexia, what's the problem?"

I licked my dry lips and stared into his handsome face. "Maybe I'm curious as to why...why do you keep coming back to me? Is this just a past time for you? Is it just something to do?" I put my head down unable to look at him anymore. "Do you feel something...anything for me?" I don't know why I asked him. Maybe I just wanted to know how he felt and where I stood with him. I never got too serious with men especially my age. They never really knew how to handle a relationship or even knew what it was like to be in one seriously, but this was different. This felt right. I needed to know if I meant anything to him, something maybe? Grant looked at me as if he was trying to decipher something inside of my eyes, I could tell he contemplated lying but decided against it like I knew he would.

I knew one thing I would get from Grant was the truth. Blunt, bold, or brash it still would be the truth. He looked away from me for a moment.

"I love my wife...But it's no secret my marriage has hit a wall. I come to you because...because I don't want to fight. I don't want to be angry or stressed. I don't want to think about anything. I just want to be here. You feel me?" I don't know why but every word he was saying had my heart beating fast. I didn't know whether to be hurt, angry, or indifferent.

"I know this is wrong, but I want to be here. Is that ok with you?" He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me with those dark eyes. I liked those eyes and how they would stare at me in the most intimate of times. I laid him back down while I cuddled up next to him. He put his arms around me really tight. He may not have realized it yet, but he was mine. This man belonged to me.

# Chapter Eleven

_I'm leaving_

Lucy

"Girl, I say throw his ass out. Show him exactly what he is going to be missing if he doesn't get his act together," Cat preached to me.

I sat at my favorite restaurant, Desire, with my well-known crew of friends, Catherine, Destiny, and Alayah. I could no longer pretend that my marriage was fine. Ever since that dreaded night of Grant's company dinner, I promised my husband that I would be there for him no matter what and give him all the love and time that he wanted. An impossible mission being that Grant was back to his old ways again. He avoided me as much as possible, refused to come home until late hours, and we hardly talked about the weather let along our marital problems. When I gave up hosting Elite's annual party I thought I would be saving my marriage, when in turn my marriage was worse off than ever before.

The only good thing that came out of giving up the party was I was able to reconnect with my son. Little Greg and I spent a good majority of time together playing games, watching Disney movies and going to the park. It was all the things that every mother should do with their child. If only I could reconnect with my husband as well. I picked over my food while looking at Cat.

"C'mon Cat, I'm trying to get his attention, not a divorce," I chuckled biting into my salad. Cat looked at me with that _girl get it together look_ , while adjusting her peach fitted dress. I could always count on Cat to give me the real; she was a medium brown sista, who happened to be an accountant with Taylor and Jones firm. Cats' trademark was her signature short haircut and her trendy sense of fashion that complimented her curvaceous figure. Yet, ever since Todd Randall broke off their engagement her success rate with men had taken a downward spiral.

"Well, girl this muthafucka acting like he's running things. It's time to show him who's really in charge. I bet if you put his trifling ass back out on the street where you found him, he'll act right." I could feel every sting of bitterness on the edge of Cat's words. I shook my head.

"She's right Luce. Your man is tripping, playing these childish ass games. It's time to do something," Destiny put in her two cents while sipping on her red wine.

"I hear you Des, but I don't want it to come to that. I'm doing my best to make this man happy... it's just never good enough." She put a hand on my shoulder trying to soothe my melancholy mood.

"Well until he is ready to listen there's nothing that can get resolved, especially with him acting so absurd," she replied.

Destiny was my oldest and dearest friend; a known counselor of mine for many years. She was tall, leggy, and dark skinned with long hair and gray eyes that made her stand out in more ways than one. She looked at me with sorrowful eyes seeing the damage that a man could do to a woman once she gave him her heart. Destiny always had a fear of commitment to a career, home, and especially to men. She figured why put your all into something and watch it shoot to hell and leave you heartbroken. All these women were brought here this day to help me find a solution on how to deal with Grant. However, I didn't want leaving my husband to be the only option. I looked in Alayah's direction. Her light brown pretty eyes stared me down and said everything that her mouth didn't. Being my college roommate, Alayah knew more about Grant and me than anyone. Also being the outspoken woman that she was I knew something was on the edge of her tongue ready to slip.

"You there," I called out to her from across the table. "Mouth all mighty, what is on your mind?" I asked knowing that she was just a brewing over there waiting to talk my ear off. She shrugged and took a sip of wine like everything was chill.

"Well..." Alayah paused flinging her long wavy hair behind her shoulders,

"Since it's my time to talk, I say Grant feels neglected and instead of expressing these feelings to you. He has chosen to do the typical male thing. Pretend that everything is ok while showing uncaring and inconsiderate behavior towards you. He probably desires to torture you with his cold demeanor as punishment for your actions then talk about how he truly feels when he gets ready," she said with the most sincere demeanor.

I looked at her confused, not expecting such insight and nodded as Cat and Des waited for her to lower the boom.

"So you're going to show me how to get him to talk to me, right?" I looked at her waiting for more helpful information. Alayah shook her head.

"No, I'm a show you how to put that fool in check. He has something he needs to say to you, he can open his damn mouth."

We all burst out laughing at our friend's crudeness. I really should have seen that coming. Destiny cleared her throat.

"Lucy, girl you have admitted your mistakes and apologized."

"Umm-hmm." Alayah and Cat agreed.

"You have begged, pleaded, and showed yourself approved." Alayah took over.

Cat held up her glass. "That's right... And Grant has still has chosen not to cooperate. Now you have tried to treat him like a man, but since he wants to act like a boy, he shall be treated as such. So that tells me one thing." I glanced up at all of them, knowing what they were going to say.

"It's time to lay down the hammer girl," they chimed in unison and I contemplated my decision.

I headed back to the office and went to work. Since the annual ball was off my hands I had a lot more free time. I walked into the downstairs ballroom to get a look at how things were coming together.

"Ok great you guys, great, everything is looking beautiful," Meg told all the staff working on the ballroom. The place was decked out in many shades of blue. Silver snowflakes were being decorated and models were being styled creating that whole winter theme. Everything looked so nice and was shaping up to be the event of the year.

"Megan, the designers for the fall collection have brought their preview."

"Ok Patricia, could you put them on my desk please?"

"Well, look who's running things." I strolled in complementing Meg's work. She turned around and smiled at me. To my surprise as well, she was looking very much bossed up sporting a black blazer, stilettos, and her hair was pulled back showing off her beautiful features.

"It's a tough job. Somebody has got to do it." She smiled. I was so proud of her. Meg had finally stepped out of her shell and was handling business, as she should.

"Well, I'm happy for you, girl. At least one of us is thriving." I slouched down in a nearby chair.

"Luce, are you regretting giving up the party?" Meg asked pulling up a chair beside me. I looked at her and hoped she could help me. At least guide me to the right decision concerning Grant.

"No, I don't regret giving up the party. I wanted to focus on my marriage and giving up the party was the only way I could do that...just one problem."

"What?"

"I need my husband to focus with me."

I swiped my hair out of my face, I was so stressed out I was surprised that I wasn't going bald. "I don't know Meg, ever since that dinner party he has been on the warpath and I understand he is upset but damn. I have apologized, begged, pleaded, and everything. What more does he want?" Meg nodded.

"Honey he is probably still hurt over the whole thing. He really wanted you to be there that night."

"But I'm here now. I'm right in front of him willing to do anything he asks." Meg took a deep breath and looked at me the same way the girls had done earlier.

"Well, Lucy if he isn't cooperating with you then maybe you need to make some changes - like a change of address."

I stared at her wondering if that's what it had come down to...me leaving.

"Hmm...," was all I could say.

Patricia, the new intern walked up to us holding documents in her hand. She was a frail young girl with dirty brown hair and freckles.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Smith?" Meg and I broke away from our intense conversation.

"Oh, yes?" I looked up at her.

"Your husband called. He said he would be late coming home tonight." My sadness turned into intense anger.

"What!" The look on my face must have startled her. She looked a tad bit fearful.

"Yes, he...uh...he said he had a lot of work to do. And that he would make it home when he could."

"For the third time this week?" Noticing I was getting irate in a room full of my colleagues, I decided to calm down. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thanks for the message." She nodded and quickly speed-walked out of my sight.

Meg looked at me this time more sternly.

"Lucy, this is getting out of hand."

She was right. They all were right. I had enough of this. The truth is I'm at my wits end about my marriage. Grant seriously refused to talk to me anymore. We'd hardly spent any time together, and he would find any reason to avoid being home. Damn. I was really trying to save my marriage but I can't do it by myself. I just couldn't understand his actions. I guess he really did want to punish me. He acted like such a damn child.

"Hello, Lucy?"

Megan called out breaking me from my moment of anger.

"What?" I said standing and gathering my things.

"I said what are you going to do?" She looked really concerned for me as I recollected myself.

"Yes...um, I am definitely going to address the situation and some changes are going to be made." Megan rushed over to hug me before I completely lost my mind in the workplace.

"That's so good, honey. I hope everything goes well." I embraced her back and made my way out. _Oh yeah_ , I thought to myself. _Some changes are definitely going to be made._

# Chapter Twelve

_It's Over...or Is It?_

Grant

I came in the house around midnight. I'd left a message at Lucy's office saying I had to work late for the third time this week. I had constantly been seeing Alexia since the company party a while back. Being with her was like a habit I couldn't break. We found ourselves all over each other at any given moment. It's been a while since I had a woman so ready and eager to give herself to me at any time and in anyway. She became my fix and when I needed it I got it no matter what I had to do, but things were getting weird now. I feared Alexia may be getting more emotionally involved in our trysts than necessary and to be honest so was I. That's why I felt so bad after we made love. I was giving her false hope that we could be more than what we already were. I was also hurting my wife and myself by depriving us of working on our marriage.

I couldn't deny that Lucy had made a huge turnaround in the past couple of months and made drastic changes concerning us, but giving up her annual end of the year ball came as a complete shock to me. There wasn't a chance in hell I thought she would've done that and I have to say I was impressed. However, damn it I was so angry that I didn't even care. When I thought about it, I had been treating her pretty badly for the past weeks and I knew it was killing her. Somehow Alexia had been completely immersed into my system and I didn't know how to break away from her anymore...and, to be honest, I didn't know if I really wanted to. I made my way up the stairs. I figured Greg and Lucy would be asleep by the time I came home. Boy was I in for a surprise. I got to the foot of the stairs and saw two packed suitcases. By the time I got to my bedroom Lucy was already starting on a new bag. She looked up and saw me watching her in complete shock.

"In before dawn, huh?" She smirked at me and continued to pack her things.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I couldn't even believe what I was seeing, and I got really heated about it. She continued to empty her drawers ignoring my presence in the room.

"What does it look like? I'm packing." I stepped closer to her and placed my briefcase and jacket on the bed.

"Packing and going where?" I boomed at her. I could tell it shook her, but she tried not to show it. Lucy slowly resumed putting her things into the bag.

"Look, we obviously haven't been seeing eye to eye for a while now, so I figured we need some distance." She looked up at me through weary eyes. "Kind of ironic...being that we have been living in the same house and it feels like we are miles away."

I rubbed the back of my head as I took a seat. _This woman and her shenanigans_ , I thought.

"I really don't want to deal with this shit tonight," I sighed. She laughed at me condescendingly.

"Trust me, honey, you got enough shit of your own to deal with."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. Lucy shook her head at me.

"What am I talking about? What have I been talking about for the past weeks...not that you have been listening. You obviously don't want me here, so I'll give you your space. When you decide you care about our marriage, I'll come back." I leaned on my elbow propped on my knee. Now it was my turn to laugh.

"Coming from you that is priceless." She cut her eyes at me.

"Well, I'm done talking." She slammed down the top of her suitcase and zipped it up. I looked at her through narrowed eyes. Did she honestly think she was leaving me?

"You're not going anywhere," I told her undoing my cufflinks and tie. Lucy scoffed at my arrogance and grabbed her suitcase from off the bed.

"I've already called my dad. He's expecting me and Greg in the morning, so have a nice night." She grabbed the suitcase and headed toward the door. I jumped up and grabbed her arm so quick that I almost broke it. She looked at me in shock and tried to snatch away from me, but my grip was too tight.

"Let go of me." I was completely enraged. The nerve of this woman to walk out on me after all the shit I have endured from her these past years. No. Hell no. She wasn't going anywhere and damn sure wasn't taking my son to that bastard of a father of hers house. I looked at her. My dark eyes started turning extremely cold.

"You have got to be out of your damn mind." My grip got tighter and she winced in pain.

"Grant, you're hurting me stop!" I ignored her pleading; I couldn't even hear her cries for help. I was outraged by her audacity to think she could do this to me.

"You think you can take my son and just leave? After all, I have put up with dealing with you. Your bitching, complaining and ignoring me. How many times did I beg you to come home? Just spend a few hours with me and your son. You acted like I was the last damn thing on your mind and now that you have gotten a few doses of your own medicine you want to leave me? Why you ungrateful..." I couldn't finish my sentence I was practically screaming at her. Lucy was crying, but I refused to release her.

"Grant stop!" she begged.

"No. What the hell is wrong with you?" My anger had completely taken me over. My better judgment became unreachable.

"Dad?"

I turned around and saw my little boy looking at me with complete fear and shock on his face. I could tell he was about to cry. I looked at Lucy crying hysterically as I held her limp arm. I released her and she backed away from me.

"Oh my God...I'm sorry...I'm sorry." I didn't realize what just happened. What had I done? When I came home and saw her about to leave me, I just snapped. Everything that had taken place over the past months came back to haunt me. The lying, cheating, and now this. I couldn't believe how far I had taken things. She had every right to leave me. I looked at Greg still staring at me shaking not knowing what to do, so I slowly reached down and picked him up in my arms.

"I'm so sorry, son. I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your mama," I said trying to calm him down. He seemed to be relaxing the more I talked to him. I noticed Lucy backed up against the wall holding her sore arm. She looked at me like she didn't even know who I was like she was completely in fear of me. I continued to hold Greg in my arms.

"Hey kid, how about I put you back to bed ok?" Greg raised his head from my shoulder, and he looked from me back at his mother for confirmation. Lucy wiped tears from her face and tried to gather herself.

"It's ok, honey. I'm fine. Go back to bed." I looked at her through sorrowful eyes and took our son back to bed. I walked into Greg's room where his train night light's fluorescent colors flashed around the room. Greg cradled his arms around my neck until I laid him down on his bed.

"There you go, son..." I wrapped him in his covers and watched him snuggle up with his bear. Even now he still looked sad.

"Are you ok?" I asked. He nodded his little head. "I'm sorry you had to see that Greg. I should have never hurt your mother like that."

"Why did you?" he asked really wanting to know why I got so angry. It broke my heart- the fact that my wife and son feared me.

"There is not an excuse, son. What I did was awful and I am so sorry." Greg leaned up from his pillow.

"But you won't do it again. Will you?" I knelt down beside him and held his small hand.

"Never. I will never do that again. Do you hear me? You and your mother are the most important things to me and I would never hurt either of you. I love you." He nodded with hope in his eyes. I gave him a hug and kissed his curly head of hair.

"Go back to sleep ok. Everything is going to be fine." He lay down and watched me leave. I closed the door knowing I had put this family through more than they could bear.

***

Lucy

I was still shaking even after he left. I wasn't trying to cry, but tears kept falling down my face. My arm was still throbbing; I actually thought he was going to break it. He was so angry. He looked like he had gone insane. And the look in his eyes, I'd seen that look before. It was the same look he had on his face when that crazy man attacked me. Now I was the one he attacked. _That bastard! I can't_ believe after _all this he would hurt me like that. And Greg...oh God, my baby. What do I do? I don't know what to do._ I sat on the bed and tried to calm myself down. A hand reached out and touched me and I jumped back nearly out of my skin.

Grant froze when he saw that he startled me. He just stood there and hung his head down. After the fear wore off me, it was soon replaced by anger. I charged at him.

"You son of a bitch. If you ever touch me like that again I'll kill you! Do you hear me?" I pounded my fist at his face and chest and he just took it not even trying to stop me.

"Lucy, I- I'm so sorry...for everything. I don't know why I-" He couldn't speak. I shoved him into the wall and looked at him. After all that punching I hadn't even left a mark. We stood and stared at each other for the longest time not even knowing what to say. I grew weary and sat on the bed. When Grant saw that I had calmed down, he joined me.

"I don't understand," I spoke with my voice cracking, "I don't understand how we got to this point." Grant covered his face with his hands.

"I don't know either."

I don't know if it was frustration or fear talking but I just blurted it out, "Look, I don't need any surprises. So just tell me. Is there someone else because if-"

"No." His face shot up to mine. "No, it's nothing like that," he cut me off abruptly. Grant moved over closer to me and grabbed my hands.

"There is no one I want but you. I know that I have been distant lately and I haven't been trying to work on our problems, but I promise you, baby, that if you give me another chance I'll do anything...anything you want. I'll do anything just don't- don't leave me." He was near tears and I couldn't believe it. Grant pulled me towards him into an embrace and reluctantly I let him. "I freaked out. The thought of you and Greg leaving, it scared me. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry." We clung to each other for dear life hoping to find some solace in each other, "I know things have been awful between us, but tell me what to do and I'll do it. Tell me how to fix it and I'll fix it." I needed to believe that we could get through it and that everything was going to be alright. Things were bad and didn't seem to be getting any better, but I wasn't ready to let him go. I wasn't ready to let my marriage go. Not now. Not ever.

***

Grant

It was over with Alexia. I meant it this time. My eyes were completely red and dark circles lingered underneath. I was a little late going in to work, but I didn't even care. I had been through hell last night and I wasn't going back. I walked right past the front desk without even acknowledging my coworkers' hellos, I didn't stop at the lunch lounge to pick up my morning coffee. I headed straight to my office and locked myself inside my tomb. I was surprised not to see Alexia waiting for me but then again relieved. I didn't feel like seeing her anyway. I sat there at my desk wondering how I let my life become such a living hell. I was beyond stressed, beyond frustrated, and didn't know how things could get any worse. I thought heavily on a vacation. Some time to get away. Just me and my family. Then I would be avoiding my problems rather than facing them head-on. No, I was going to handle it, and not a second later. I was going to tell Alexia that we were not going to see each other anymore, she was going to be relocated to a new office, and that things between us were over. I was going to work on my marriage, be a better father, be a better husband, and everything was going to be fine. I marinated on that plan and rubbed the back of my troubled head _. Oh God, if you get me out of this one, I'll do better. I swear I'll do better._ I silently prayed alone.

I made my way down Seventh Avenue and turned three blocks to the Garden Apartments. Alexia had been MIA for the past week; she hadn't stopped by or even called in at all. To my disbelief, I was worried about her. I feared the worst. It wasn't like her to disappear and not tell anybody anything. I had no idea what had happened to her, but regardless I definitely needed to make some things clear. I went to the elevator and waited patiently until I got to her floor. I couldn't help but recollect the most intimate moments between us had happened in this very elevator. I blocked all of that out of my mind and focused on the task at hand. I needed to end things and not a second later. My heart was pounding as I came to her apartment door. I began to knock a few times hoping she would hurry and come so I could make this quick. "Alexia! Alexia, it's me, open the door."

There was no response, no movement, no nothing. I was really starting to get worried. I twisted the knob. The door was unlocked and I walked in cautiously. The place was filled with all type of artsy things that brought so much life to the space yet, for some reason it seemed so dull.

"Alexia? Alexia, are you here?" I heard movement in the bedroom. In case of an intruder, I picked up a nearby poker from the fireplace and walked in. Alexia emerged from her bathroom suite and into the room in her bathrobe and when she looked up at me, she didn't seem too shocked to see me here.

"Hey- I...the door was open, so I- we need to talk." I managed to get out terribly. Alexia looked different; her eyes were puffy which told me she had been crying. She was pale and just did not seem well. She sat on the lavender covered bed and pulled her hair back from her face.

"Yes, we definitely need to talk." Her voice seemed strained and her body looked worn down. I looked at her curiously.

"What's going on, Alexia?" I asked. She looked away and I could read fear all over her face.

"I haven't been feeling too well, Grant." I could see that, but what was the issue was what I wanted to know.

"You could have called in and told me that. I was worrying out of mind. What were you-"She shot me a look of annoyance and I eased off. I figured well let's just get down to business. I took a deep breath and stood directly in front of her.

"Look, there are some things I need to say-"

"Grant," she interrupted staring me boldly in the eye, "I'm pregnant." Right there in that moment, my whole world shattered. It was as if I was swallowed into a black hole and had no chance of getting out. My mind went numb and my heart sank to the floor.

"Wh-What?" I asked hoping I didn't hear her right. Alexia hung her head down as if she were ashamed or had disappointed me in some way.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. I paced the floors trying to formulate words.

"Is it-Is it mine?" Alexia looked up at me as if she were in disbelief.

"What?" I looked at her accusingly. _You are damn right I'm going to question you. Did she honestly think I wouldn't?_ _Did she honestly think that she could tell me she was pregnant and I just nod my head and say ok? Hell no. This bitch must've been crazy._ I shook my head. "No. No, it can't be mine. I mean you're sleeping around with me and I'm married. God knows who else you have been with. No, I'm not dealing with this. I'm not dealing with you. Fuck that." Alexia chuckled at my outburst.

"Is degrading me making you feel better about the situation?" I turned away from her. I couldn't do this. I couldn't deal with this; I picked up the nearest object and slammed it into the wall, then picked something else up and did it again. Alexia jumped back obviously in fear from my sudden display of rage. I slid down against the wall wondering what the hell I was going to do.

The drive home was quiet and slow. I couldn't help but think about all the dirt that I'd done the past few months. The fights, the infidelity, the pregnancy. Never once did I think about stopping what I was doing, nor did I think about telling the truth. All my actions were a result of me trying to save my own ass. Now, I was in a world of trouble. I brought up the option of abortion to Alexia, and she slapped me across my face.

"Just because you don't want anything to do with this baby doesn't mean I don't. I am not forcing you to be here. If you don't want to be a part of this then don't be." Her words still replayed in my mind. I knew in my heart that I couldn't deny my own child. The fact that I even brought up abortion made me sick to my stomach.

There was no escaping telling Lucy the truth, not when a child was about to be born due to my infidelity. As I pulled up into the driveway, I reassured myself. _You have to tell her. You have no choice._ I made my way into the house and saw little Greg singing along with his favorite TV show.

"Hi, Dad."

"What's up, kid?" I kissed his cheek and patted his head. He continued to go on singing like he was in his own little world. I went into the kitchen and saw Lucy working on her secret sauce for the lasagna and I grinned. She hadn't made that in a while. After the night she almost left me things between us had been tense, but we had both agreed to leave old baggage in the past and start off from scratch. I wondered would she still feel that way after I told her this devastating news. I highly doubted. I snuck up behind her and grabbed her waist. She was startled at first until she realized it was me.

"Hey there." She turned around and gave me a kiss. "Nice to have you home."

"Nice to be home." I eased off my suit jacket and laid it on the kitchen table. "Baby, I've got something to tell you."

I swallowed hard and prepared myself for the conversation. She turned to me and nodded.

"Me first." Lucy grabbed my hand sat me down in the kitchen chair and sat on my lap. "I have been thinking," she said while kissing my cheek, "about taking some time off. And I did." I looked at her to see what she meant; most certainly she couldn't have meant time off from work.

"You did what?" I asked. She was smiling so widely.

"Well since I gave up the annual ball and passed it off to Megan, I thought why not spend some much-needed time with my family, so I took an extended vacation." My jaw hit the floor.

"But honey, you're the Chief Editor. Don't they like need you there?" Lucy kissed me again more passionately this time.

"I have come to realize that there are more important things that I need to be concerned with." She shifted in my lap so I could feel more of her body pressed against mine and it sent shockwaves down my pants.

"Like you..." I leaned for another kiss. I wanted to swallow her tongue. We started moaning and Lucy grabbed the back of my head while I grabbed other things.

"Eww! Kissing...Nasty." Little Greg came into the kitchen spotted his mom and me grouping each other and quickly ran back out. We both had a good laugh at that.

"Let's hope he still feels that way when he is thirteen." Lucy got up off my lap to check on the lasagna.

"I almost forgot babe, what did you want to tell me?" With all the laughter going on I lost sight of Alexia, the baby, and everything else. I decided this wasn't time to be the bearer of bad news. Not when my wife and I were starting to reconnect.

"Nothing important," I lied. "Just that I love you." I got up and walked over to her planting another kiss on those pretty lips of hers.

"Awww, love you too." Lucy looked up at me and smiled. I tried to enjoy the close night with my family because I feared the feeling wouldn't last long.

# Chapter Thirteen

Unexpected News

Grant

"You're about eight weeks along."

Dr. Cramer was examining Alexia during the first checkup. Dr. Cramer was an elderly Jewish woman who had been working with pregnancies for a very long time. I'd convinced myself to step up as a man and be there for the woman who was carrying my unborn child. After much pleading, Alexia decided to let me accompany her to her appointment. Of course, I still had not told Lucy anything about the affair or about the baby. Things had been going so good between us, better than they had been in years, and there was no way I was going to mess this up. Not now. We watched the sonogram on the machine while the doctor was explained everything in detail.

"You can see the little curve right there." She pointed to a spot on the screen. "That's the baby's head." The ultrasound showed my child forming in Alexia's womb. Alexia laid back and watched in amazement at the child growing in her belly, and although I tried not to show it, it warmed my heart to see the baby too. I had asked Lucy about us having more children even though I had to beg for Greg. I would have hoped after her seeing our baby boy she would want to expand our family, but in those days her career was deemed more important. So no, I couldn't hide the enjoyment I got from knowing I had another child on the way, even if it was with the wrong woman. After the doctor finished giving us the lowdown on everything we needed to do, we quickly gathered our things and prepared to leave. However, before we made our exit I had something I had to do.

"Um, Doctor...Do you mind if I speak to you for a second?" Dr. Cramer removed her gloves that she was wearing. She seemed a little alarmed by my need to speak with her, being that she explained everything a minute ago. Nevertheless, she motioned for me to come into her office. I looked for Alexia and saw that she was busy talking to the nurse. I quickly followed Doctor Cramer into her office to have a much-needed conversation.

"Have a seat, sir," she said getting comfortable behind her desk. "What can I do for you?" I quickly took a seat in the chair across from her and began to plead my case.

"Doctor, I was wondering if it's a possibility to do an early paternity test on the baby." Doctor Cramer seemed taken aback. She looked at me puzzled and gulped.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, it's a little too early in the pregnancy to be seeking paternity." I leaned in a little closer to the doctor to let her know how seriously I needed this.

"Doc, I know that the fluid around the baby can contain stem cells from both parents. I was thinking maybe possibly..." Doctor Cramer shook her head.

"Mr. Smith, I-"

"Please," I begged her.

She took a deep breath as if she had finally given in. She must have seen the desperation in my eyes. Dr. Cramer leaned back in her chair.

"Alright, alright, I'll see what I can do, but I'm not making any promises. In the baby's state right now we wouldn't want to do anything that might harm it. And we would also need the mother's permission as well." I breathed a sigh of relief and reached for the doctor's hand.

"Thank you. Thank you. I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem." She nodded and waved me off so she could get to work. I met up with Alexia afterward. She looked at me puzzled.

"What were you doing in there?" I looked at her face. She looked beautiful in a light yellow dress, as it really brought out her beautiful skin.

"I just wanted to know if there was anything else I could do for you or the baby."

"Well from our conversation last week it sounded like you wanted us to disappear." I sighed at her display of anger, even though she had every right to be offended.

"C'mon, Alexia, you know the situation." Her pretty face turned angry.

"And do you think killing our baby is going to make your marriage better than it has been in the past year?" I didn't want to deal with her venom. Adding her and the baby to the mix, I had enough on my plate. I decided instead of arguing the best thing for the three of us was for me to be the bigger person and calm the situation. I placed my hands on her shoulders. I could tell she wasn't expecting that due to the look on her face.

"Alexia, I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier. I care about you and this baby, but I have put my marriage in a strain at this point. However, that doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of this child's life...if you will let me." She nodded and her face softened at my sincerity.

"Of course, I want you to be a part of the baby's life, but I don't want it to be some type of burden for you, something you have to do. This child is innocent of any wrongdoing and shouldn't be treated like a nuisance."

"And it won't be. I'll never do that. Do you believe me?" She looked into my eyes for confirmation and nodded. _Finally, some understanding_ , I thought.

"Now, I am going to be honest with you. I do want a paternity test just to be sure." Alexia scowled.

"Of course, you do because I'm sleeping around with everybody, right?"

I sighed, "Alexia, I just don't want any doubts." She studied me for a second and smirked.

"Ok, and when you find out that this baby is yours what then?"

"I am going to do everything in my power to take care of it and you." She smiled faintly and I could tell her guard had come down. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let me take you home now," I said guiding her to the exit of the hospital. I still held the ultrasound picture in my hands. I glanced down at it not knowing how to break the news to my wife, but I knew it had to be done.

***

Lucy

Grant and I were actually talking again. Spending more and more time together, and being a real family. We took Greg to Coney Island being that Grant and I used to go all the time when we first moved to New York City. We did everything together that day. Played games, stuffed our faces with hot dogs, and cotton candy. After, we reflected on our good time as we walked on the boardwalk. I hadn't felt that happy in forever just spending time with my favorite guys. I soon noticed that Grant seemed strangely aloof most of the day. It was as if his body was there with us, but his mind was gone off to the Land of Oz or something. I would catch him looking off into the distance somewhere far from us. It puzzled me. I didn't know what on earth he could have been thinking about, but I didn't push the issue. I just took in this beautiful moment as if it were our last. We haven't felt this good or stable in our relationship in years and the more time we spent together the better we seemed to get. I had been praying for that moment for a while. I wanted the moment where I could look into my man's eyes and know that we were truly happy, and it seemed we were. Everything was finally going great for me and I guess it showed.

"Well, don't you look happy today?" Megan came into my office grinning.

"Why, yes I am." I gave her a hug with a big Kool-Aid grin plastered on my face.

"Happy to hear that girl. At one point, I thought I was going to have to help you pack boxes," she joked...but not really. I laughed knowing she spoke the truth.

"Well thank God it didn't turn out like that." I placed my coffee on my desk and stretched out in my chair. This overwhelming feeling of ecstasy had me on cloud nine and feeling so damn good.

As Meg and I chilled I could hear the buzzing of Grant's cell phone, which I picked up off the kitchen table by mistake this morning. It was so loud it threatened to distract us, but I chose to ignore the pestering sound.

"I'll tell you, Meg, things have gotten so much better between Grant and me. I would have never thought I could feel this way again." Megan took a seat opposite me nodded.

"Umm-hmm. Good sex does heal all wounds." We both looked at each other and almost fell on the floor laughing because she had a point there.

"Not just that Ms. Freak a Leak. Grant and I have emotionally reconnected, not just physically. This reminds me of when we first met and I couldn't wait to see him every second of the day." Meg smiled at me while I floated on thin air.

"Lucy, I got to say I am so happy to see you like this. It's incredible."

"Girl, tell me about it."

Knock, knock.

"Hello, Mrs. Smith." Luis the office mailman appeared in my doorway. He was also the community mailman who ran in my neighborhood, and such a sweet old man who would stop by my office and speak from time to time.

"Hey there Luis, how are you?" Megan and I tried to recollect ourselves from our girlish talk knowing a man at entered the room.

"Hi there dear, I was supposed to deliver the mail along the offices and came across some of your house mail." He came in breathing a little heavy with his hand across his round stomach, "I usually wouldn't give it to you here, but I have to head home as soon as possible because my son is coming into town." I reached for the mail he had in his hands.

"Oh, that's alright. Saves me the trouble of stopping at the mailbox huh?" He smiled and leaned over to hand me the mail. I waved Luis off before he made his exit.

"What a day. What a day." Meg tilted back in her chair in nonchalance, but Grant's phone insistent and annoying as it continued to go off yet again.

"Girl, no wonder you passed off the office annual ball to me with all this damn work I'm doing. I can't decide whether it's a blessing or a curse." I chuckled her way, placed the mail in my bag, and checked my husband's voice messages.

"Well now it's your cross to bear because I am d-o-n – what-" I immediately lost all interest in the conversation with Meg as I heard the sound of a woman's voice come through the speaker of my husband's phone. I was stunned as she revealed the purpose of her urgent messages. _Grant? This is Alexia, I just wanted to tell let you know that I have another doctor's appointment coming up soon, and I figured then we could discuss options for DNA testing. I want you to be confident going through this pregnancy that our child is yours. If this is what we need to do, then so be it. Anyways, call me back._

"Everything ok, Luce?" Meg said popping her head back up and looking at the concern on my face, but I couldn't speak. All I could do was replay the cruel words from that voice message over and over again in my head like one of those awful but addicting songs. Raising my hand to my lips I threatened to regurgitate.

"Oh my God," I whispered harshly. "I can't believe this."

# Chapter Fourteen

_Lie to Me_

Grant

"Oh, my...my...just my," Frank was completely in panic mode. His face had grown ten shades paler than usual. He leaned his elbows on his knees and looked at me in utter disappointment sitting in the chair across from my desk. I'd finally confessed to somebody the horrific secret. I told him everything from start to finish hoping and praying he could come up with a solution to help. He looked at me with such a shock as if I'd just told him I was Osama Bin Laden and I needed help committing genocide. After taking some time to decipher the foul information I had just told him, Frank finally spoke.

"You have no idea how deep of a grave you have dug yourself in, huh?" I shook my head in frustration. The last thing I needed from him now was a berating.

"Frank, help me." He stood up in outrage.

"Grant, you have-"

"Don't lecture me," I cut him off. "Help me..." Frank took a deep breath before speaking.

"That's what I have been trying to explain to you, Grant. There is no help." I looked at him in disbelief refusing to believe what he just said. Frank was not backing down in his stance, "I'm sorry man this is too much. I can't promise you everything's going to be ok." I dropped my head into my hands knowing he spoke the truth. I was screwed. Either way, this was a no-win situation. Frank reached out his hand to me and placed it on my back.

"Grant the best I can do is tell you to come clean about the whole situation." I shook my head and looked at him like he was joking.

"How can I do that...how can I possibly do that? Tell my wife that I have been having an affair for over three months, and oh yeah, to top it off she's pregnant. I might as well be signing my own death certificate." I paced the room back and forth trying to find a positive solution that wouldn't cost me my family _. Not now God. Not when we're finally better. Don't take them away from me, please_. I silently prayed. Frank sighed and his anger turned into pity for me and my situation.

"Grant, any way you spin this it is going to be bad, ok? However, I assure you if she finds out on her own it will be worst. There will be no coming back." I fell back onto the chair near my desk.

"It's going to hurt her. It's going to hurt us." Frank reached out and touched my shoulder again.

"The longer you wait the worse it's going to be." I dropped my head down low and accepted my fate. Knowing what I had to do and the pain I was going to cause.

As I pulled into the driveway, I'd concluded that I was ready to face the music. It was time to come clean to Lucy about everything. I walked through the front door and prepared myself for the worst. I knew I was going to hurt the woman I loved more than anything in the world, but it had to be done. I was no longer able to lie to her or myself anymore. Strangely as I made my way inside all the lights were off in the house except for the dining room lights. I felt a strange vibe brewing in my home and wanted to know where everyone was. I loosened my tie, took a few steps into the dining area, and spotted Lucy at the table. She must have heard my footsteps behind her because she straightened in the chair.

"Lucy...Baby, what's wrong?" She looked up at me. She appeared to be dazed almost as if she wasn't even there, and it frightened me to see her like that...so gone. By the look on her face, I could tell she wanted to say something but had a hard time getting it out.

"She-" she cleared her throat and took a visible breath. "She called you." Another visibly painful breath. "Alexia."

She was clutching my other cell phone in her hand. I knew I'd left it at home, but somewhere in the jumble of all of this and Lucy's incoherent words, I learned she mistakenly grabbed it this morning. My heart was aching and my body grew cold because I knew what she had in her hand and how much it was hurting her. Lucy looked back down at the phone and started laughing; she stood up and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Please," she said so low it sounded like a whisper. "Please tell me it's not true. Please..." She was holding on to me for dear life refusing to let go. I grabbed her arms trying to get her to release me but to no avail. "It's not true. You couldn't. You wouldn't do this to me. You wouldn't baby," her voice cracked, the tears were pouring down, and I could feel the wetness around my neck. Lucy pulled my face to hers and kissed my lips desperately. "This is a joke, right? It is. You're not- You're not the father of this girl's baby. No."

She continued to kiss me. Not passionately, but in an attempt to silence me, refusing to let me say anything at all let alone the truth. Lucy was helplessly frantic and scaring me. I pulled her away from me so that I could look her in the face.

"Say it. Say it's not true. Tell me," she was practically begging me to give her a false report, to tell her a bold face lie. I couldn't do it.

"I want you-" She took a calming breath. "I want you to tell me." Lucy clutched my shoulders and begged and pleaded with me. "Say it. SAY IT!" she screamed. I couldn't do anything but look at her with sorrowful eyes. "Oh, God...Oh, God...Oh my God." She fell to the floor crying and sobbing. Her tears were waterfalls of devastating pain. All I could do was observe the damage I'd done to my wife, and to my family.

***

Lucy

I laid there and cradled myself on the floor for about an hour unable to move. Tears helplessly streamed down my face as my heart broke into a million pieces. Grant sat there near the wall and watched me cry knowing that he was the cause of all my suffering. I looked at him looking at me.

"How could you do this to me?" my voice was strained and it came out as a dry whisper. He sat and rubbed his hand over his head trying to find words that would clear his name, but there were none so he went with the typical male thing to say in situations like these.

"I'm sorry? I- I am so tired of hearing you say that shit," I scoffed. I slowly got up off the dining room floor and went to the kitchen sink to wash my face. He followed me.

"I didn't want any of this to happen, baby. You've got to believe me. Things just got out of control." I just stood there shaking my head. I couldn't believe the bullshit he was saying to me.

"Grant, I don't understand. Help me understand how you could have sex with this woman repeatedly and not think once, even once, what your stupid ass was doing was wrong." Grant came towards me and pulled me to face him.

"I was tormented by what I did. Every time I stepped into this house it disgusted me that I was sleeping with someone else and I was ruining our marriage. Baby, please...I was wrong completely. I know this now just-" I snatched away from him.

"Now? You realize this now? Sure you do after your ass had been caught." I walked into the nearby hall. I had to get away from him or so help me God.

"No that's not what I meant. I- " he said chasing after me.

"Well were you satisfied? Did she give you what you needed?" I stopped abruptly with my questions and didn't even let him respond.

"I mean obviously I wasn't getting the job done. Forget the fact that I was willing to give up my damn career for you- for us- you still needed a little piece on the side." Grant shook his head and gave me pleading eyes, but I wasn't falling for that shit now.

"It wasn't like that," he tried to respond. I chuckled a little and leaned against the wall.

"No? Well, what was it like? I was home cooking, cleaning, watching our child, and oh my goodness I don't know, trying to save our marriage. I did everything you asked me to do and barely got five minutes of your time. You just couldn't wait to run the streets and start fucking any and every nasty ass hoe willing to spread her legs for you." Grant tried to pull me into his arms, but I shoved him off. Trying to calm me down was impossible, not after this.

"I mean forget that you have a child and wife at home who you took vows with. Who you promised to love, honor, cherish all that shit. None of that mattered to you, did it?" Those tears were welling up again, I felt like dying. I couldn't believe he could do this to me. "So what is this? You love her? You two want to be together with your new baby and live happily ever?" He grabbed me abruptly.

"No. I want you. I want to be with you." I slapped his hands away and started crying all over again. Grant didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. I wiped tears from my face and stared at him coldly.

"You son of a bitch. How long did you think you could hide this? A month? A year? Forever?" He finally looked back up at me.

"I was going to tell you. I just needed the right time." I stepped back.

"Whoa, the right time...Well let's see, before she got pregnant would have really made the cut. Oh, and after you realized you were married would have eased right on in. And oh yeah, before you started sleeping with her ass would have been great!" He took a step towards me.

"Don't!" I warned. "Don't you ever touch me again. You know what? I don't even blame you." He looked confused.

"That's right. You're off the hook. This is my fault because I should have realized what a worthless bastard you were a long time ago. That's my mistake, but I'm going to correct it now." I headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Grant ran after me.

"I'm doing what I should have done the first time. Get the hell away from you." He blocked the door so I couldn't get by.

"No. You can't leave me. Let's talk about this." I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Don't tell me what I can't do." I tried to move him out of the way, but I couldn't get him to budge.

"Lucy, listen, I made a mistake. I didn't want to hurt you. Just listen to me, please." I'd gotten seriously angry and feared what I was about to do.

"Move!" I screamed at him.

"No! I'm not going anywhere and neither are you, so just lis-" I smacked him so hard across his face I shocked myself, but that didn't stop me from lunging at him again. I kept punching and hitting him over and over. I couldn't stop. I wanted to beat his brains in. We ended up struggling and breaking damn near everything in the living room. He finally bound my hands down against the stairs.

"Stop!" he screamed _._

Bang! Bang!

There was an aggressive knock on the door.

"Hello? Is anyone in there? Open up."

Realizing I had calmed down, Grant got up and stood over me. He went and answered the door. A nearby neighbor stood in the doorway not knowing what to expect.

"I heard screaming and glass breaking. Is everything ok in here?" The man looked at Grant strangely probably because of all the scratches on his face and arms.

"Everything is fine. Thank you for your concern." Grant began to close the door, but the neighbor wasn't buying it.

"Are you sure? You look like you've been in a fight, sir?" Grant was getting irritated with the line of questioning.

"Look, I said everything's fine. Now just-" I managed to move past them both and out the door into the driveway.

"No. Lucy, wait!" Grant tried to come after me but the stranger blocked his path. "Lucy, wait. Lucy!" I quickly got into my car, backed out of the driveway, and sped out of there like a bat out of hell. I couldn't hear his screams anymore; I couldn't hear anything. I wanted to get away. I wanted to get away and never look back.

# Chapter Fifteen

_Timeout_

Grant

1998

_The New York weather was freezing and my bones were sore trying to hold up in the below zero-degree weather. I had just got off work and made my way to the apartment Lucy and I shared. It was a little cozy place for the two of us, but I wanted more. Our first couple of months had been rough from me paying bills, her adjusting to her classes, and the overall confusion of it all. It was hard for us to get comfortable in a new atmosphere. I made my way inside; Lucy was on the floor near the TV in her NYU sweater and jeans taking notes out of her trigonometry book. She didn't even acknowledge me as I came in let along give me a hug, kiss, or 'I missed_ you, _baby'. I mean damn she could have at least had a meal waiting for me. Not that expected her to. We had been arguing like crazy and the stress of it all was affecting us. I took off my Good and Weldness jacket and took a_ beer out _the fridge and decided to make conversation_ anyway _._

" _Woman, how was your day?"_

She glanced up at me and then back down at her book as if I were unimportant.

" _Fine." I nodded._

" _What did you do?"_

" _I went to class." Her answers were very short and monotone. They were pissing me the hell off, but I continued to be friendly._

" _Well, what did you do in class?" She placed her pencil down in her book and looked at me._

" _We played Duck Duck Goose. What do you think we did? Damn. What is it with all these questions?" I rolled my eyes and went into the kitchen._

" _I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a crime to make conversation with my girlfriend. I thought that's what couples do." She sighed and looked back at her book. But I really wanted to know what the hell her problem was._

" _Does it not meet the criteria to ask your woman how her day was in a relationship? To help clean up after one another and cook a damn meal when your man comes home?" I said slamming a plate on the table. She looked at me like I was stupid._

" _Well excuse the hell out of me for trying to pass my classes and get a degree. Shit. It's not like you are in a financial position to be asking for a housewife."_

_I shot her a cold glare from across the room that made her instantly regret what she'd said. How the hell is she gonna talk to me like that? Who did she think was paying the bills? I mean damn, just 'cause I'm not buying her furs and_ Corvettes _all of a sudden I ain't shit. I swear this girl is so damn ungrateful. I made my way to the bedroom and took off my work clothes. Lucy stood in the doorway._

" _What are you doing?" I looked at her and shook my head._

" _Getting the hell away from you."_

" _Look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know how hard you have been working."_

" _Then act like it!" I yelled damn near shaking the apartment. She folded her arms across her chest._

"Well _you don't always make things easy for me either. I'm stressed out at school. Everything's getting harder, and I just want a little understanding." I looked at her and rolled my eyes._

" _No, you want someone to hold your hand like you're a damn child."_

_I picked out one of my_ button _up shirts in the closet. "When are you going to realize the world is not here to bow down at your feet? That no one is going to baby you through life." Lucy pouted and sat down on the bed while I cleaned up in the bathroom and got ready to go._

" _Where are you going, Grant?" I grabbed my wallet and keys._

" _Out. I need to find somebody who does appreciate my financial position."_

_I grabbed my coat and headed for the door leaving her in the bedroom to sulk. There was a little bar out on Fifth Avenue that played a lot of jazz music and reminded me of my aunt and uncle's place back home. The place was filled with smoke and laughter. I sat at the bar trying to disappear from it all. Ella FitzGerald's "Summertime" rang in my ears as I sipped on my drink. I hummed the words trying to take my stress away. In the rim of my_ glass, _I noticed a young lady at the bar eyeing me. She was fine. Beige skin, sharp eyes, and dark black hair. She was sipping on her martini and not breaking her gaze. She gave me a slight smile and I smiled back._

As I stared at the beauty I could not strike up the nerve to go to her, in fact, the more I looked the more I wanted her to be Lucy. I imagined it was her staring at me.

" _You want another one?" The bartender asked smiling as if he was reading my thoughts. I shook my head. The beauty continued to stare. Eyes begging me to come over and_ see about _her._

" _On second thought, Mr. Bartender," I called to get his attention, "get the young lady over there a second martini." He nodded and made quick work with the drink. She mouthed a 'thank_ you' my _way as she received her second dose of liquid medicine. I simply nodded and looked at the rim of my glass. She motioned for me to come over and I threw a twenty on the table, took a deep breath, and exited while Ella continued to_ sang _, and I don't mean sing I mean sang._

When I arrived home the place was dark and cold. "Lucy? Lucy, where you at?"

I placed my jacket on the couch and looked for her. I opened the bedroom door and there she lay on the bed while the exact same song from the bar played on the radio. I kicked off my shoes and lay beside her, wrapping my arms around her body real tight and humming in her ear while softly kissing her neck. She pulled herself closer to me and we drifted off together.

Lucy

The next couple of months were pure hell. I moved into a condo in the city and wouldn't dare return back to my house. I absolutely refused to speak to Grant. I couldn't even bear to look at him. I immediately filed for divorce and he refused to sign the papers, which prolonged everything. The only time we did speak was when I had to give little Greg over for visitation. My poor little boy, he had no idea why he was being passed around two different houses and why his mother suddenly had so much anger for his father. He sat at the kitchen table playing with his dinosaurs, and I was busy cooking dinner. Once again, I was in a foul mood and my son picked up on it.

"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" he almost pleaded. I stopped what I was doing knowing I would face this question sooner or later.

"I don't know honey." I began to tend to the meatloaf, but Little Greg wasn't done.

"Do you want him to come back?" I took a deep breath and thought about his question. Of course, I wanted Grant at home with me...with us. I just couldn't even bring myself to think about that. Not after what he'd done. My husband was having a child with another woman and it was tearing my heart out. I loved this man more than my own life and he had betrayed me in the worst way. I didn't see a chance in hell that we could ever get past it. Tears began to sting at my eyes and I fought them away to stay strong in front of my child.

"Mommy can't talk about this right now, baby." I was getting a little unraveled by all the curiosity that a child of his age was prone to and I was unable to answer.

"Mommy, do you hate daddy?" My heart broke when I heard his little voice ask me that. I looked back at my son who looked dead at me and wondered to myself if he really believed I hated his father. I took a seat next to him at the table.

"Why did you ask me that?" I spoke softly. Greg looked at me with true concern.

"You won't talk to him. You won't let him come home. You don't love daddy no more mama." I couldn't believe how much my son was noticing. I tried to be a civil as possible with Grant in front of Greg, but given the situation how civil could I be? I held his hands in mine and decided to be honest with him about what was going on between his father and me. Sort of.

"Daddy did something that hurt mommy's feelings, so he and I have to be apart right now. It's kind of like when you do something bad and I make you stay in your room." He nodded finally able to wrap his young mind around the situation.

"Ok, so daddy's been bad. Now he's in time out?" With nothing else to say I just nodded my head.

"Yes, son, a very long time out."

"Ok mommy." He smiled. "I get it now."

I continued to nod and patted my sons head. I was disappointed in myself knowing I couldn't keep this separation going on forever. I was completely at a crossroad. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't stand to look at Grant let alone talk to him. The toxic environment was unhealthy for Greg and he was more important than anything. I guess we did need to get something's straightened out. At least for our son.

***

"Why that low down dirty ass dog!" Cat yelled in shock as I broke the news about Grant's affair and the baby to the roundtable.

I tried to hide my marital problems from the crew as long as I could, but my emotions were getting the best of me and I needed some guidance. I had called an emergency meeting with my girls trying to find some help from my friends and see if they had any advice on my broken marriage. Cat leaned back on the couch and folded her arms.

"You mean to tell me he got that bitch pregnant?"

I leaned my elbows on my knees and wiped tears from my eyes, I was tired of crying about the same damn thing like my tears were going to make the situation any better.

"Sad but true huh?" Destiny put her wine glass down on the table.

"We are gonna have to make a liquor run because this little wine ain't strong enough to handle this shit. Pregnant?" She shook her head.

"Damn girl, even I'm speechless." Alayah looked on in shock.

"I don't understand Luce..." Megan sat up and looked at me.

"Just a minute ago you were glowing. You and Grant were better than fine, you two were doing great. Now he has been having an affair and the chick is pregnant? How did this happen." I stood up and poured another glass of wine.

"You tell me. A month ago, I had a husband who I thought loved me and would do anything for me. Today I have cheating ass bastard with a baby on the way." I took a much-needed sip of wine. "Damn this really ain't strong enough."

Destiny finally spoke up after a moment of silence, "Lucy girl I don't know what to tell you. This is too much. What are you going to do?"

"Leave his ass like we have been telling her. She doesn't need this," Cat ranted. Destiny shot her a stern look.

"Cat."

"She's right," Alayah butted in.

"It's bad enough Grant had an affair but to have a constant reminder of it is a whole other level."

"But that doesn't mean she just leaves. They have a family," Destiny interjected.

"Yeah and now he has a baby with another woman." Meg stood up and addressed me.

"Seriously Lucy, this child is going to be a part of him. You will have to deal with this forever. Can you handle that?" I looked at them all. Each one seemed to think she had the answer to my problems. Like they all knew perfectly well what I should do and was waiting for me to step up to the plate.

"You don't think I want to let him go? You don't think I want to leave him?" They all looked at me with pity in their eyes.

"It's not that simple. I want to forget about him, I want to pretend he never existed, and I want to focus on my career again. I want to find some fine ass rich brotha, fuck the shit out of him, and never think about Grant again. But I can't." Cat stood up challenging my feelings.

"Why?"

"Because I love him. I love him. He could be gone tomorrow and I'm still going to love him. There's no changing that." They all gathered around me.

"Lucy, if that's true you have some serious decisions to make." Destiny put her arm around me.

"Lucy, whatever decision you make I stand by you, honey." Meg and Alayah came closer.

"Yeah, me too." Cat nodded wiping tears away from her face and joining us.

"Luce, I just want you to be happy and if Grant makes you happy, then honey you have to get past this." I shook my head.

"How\- how do I get past this?" I stood there cradled among my friends wondering how to make it out of bed in the morning let alone come to a decision about Grant.

# Chapter Sixteen

_Take it to the church_

Alexia

"Do you want the crib right here?" Grant asked.

The pregnancy was moving further along and it was time to set up the nursery. Although his marriage was falling apart Grant was determined to be a father to our child and I couldn't help but admire him for that. From what I'd heard, Lucy had filed for divorce when finding out about the baby and me, but Grant refused to let her have her way. I didn't understand. That woman clearly would never forgive him, yet he refused to stop loving her or bringing his family back together. Why couldn't he realize he had a new family? The baby and I were all he needed.

I was putting a baby book back on the shelf and I found it a little difficult with my growing belly. I noticed Grant staring at me the way he used to when we first met, even in my pregnant state he still found me attractive. That was a nice thought.

I smiled at him and he turned his focus elsewhere. He couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes. I knew the separation from his wife was really weighing on him. I guess the joy of having a child was no comparison to what he was losing. He seemed more reachable when I was willing to talk about his problems with him. To be honest, I couldn't really give a damn how he felt about that bitch wife of his, but I liked giving him the feeling that he could confide in me.

"She is still not speaking to you?" I asked with mock concern. Grant took a deep breath. He knew exactly who I was referring to.

"Nope, only when it's concerning Greg. Other than that I hardly see her." He stood up after readjusting the crib. I heard so much pain in his voice. It killed me to see him hurting like that, knowing I would never hurt him. I walked toward him.

"I'm sorry, Grant."

"Don't be." He smiled at me. I'd seen that smile before. It always fit well on his handsome face. I don't know if Grant realized I had real feelings for him. I don't think it would even matter. It was clear to me that he still wanted his wife. As long as his heart was with her there was no chance for us.

"Well, since everything is set up here I guess I'll get going." I frowned and watched him pack up his tools. I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to take me into the bedroom and make love to me like I was the only woman in the world he wanted. It was only my fantasy.

"Oh, Grant," I called for him. He turned back to look at me.

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget the doctor's appointment coming up." He nodded.

"Don't worry. I'll be there." I smiled and waved as he left. I was feeling so much heartache watching him go. I needed him to realize that I could give him everything he needed and that his marriage was over. I wanted my perfect family and I was going to get it.

***

Grant

I was on my way to Lucy's condo to pick up little Greg for the weekend. It always irritated me to go there knowing that my wife and son belonged home with me. I reluctantly made my way in the building and down the hall. I knocked on the door expecting to see Mona, the babysitter, but Lucy came to greet me. I was taken aback. I didn't realize how bad I missed her until I saw her beautiful face. She tried not to pay attention to the pleading in my eyes that used to bring her to her knees.

Instead, she ignored me and called for Greg, "Hey little man, are you ready?"

"Yeeessss!" he yelled from the back and soon came running to the front door full of energy. "I'm readyyy! Hey dad." He leaped into my arms and I held on to him for dear life.

"Hey there buddy."

I carried him to the car while Lucy grabbed his bag. I figured since I had her alone it was the perfect moment to reach some point of communication with her.

"Hey kid, get in the car and let me talk to your mama really quick, ok?" He nodded.

"Ok."

Greg took his bag from his mom, gave her a kiss goodbye, and hopped in the backseat. Lucy and I stood there in silence for a moment before I finally spoke, "Have you been doing ok?"

She looked irritated by the sight of me but still answered, "Yeah." I tried to be easy at first, but I couldn't resist the urgency that I was feeling.

"Lucy, I miss you like crazy. I hate not being with you and Greg." It all came out so abruptly as if air spewed out a popped balloon.

She let me ramble on for few minutes before speaking, "I don't know what you want me to say, Grant." She exhaled. I think she knew exactly what she wanted to say, but couldn't due to a child watching from the car window in deep anticipation. I decided to keep pushing her for hope that we still stood a chance of being together.

"I just want you to talk to me...and try to work this out."

"I don't think I can do that." Her answers were cold and vague like she really didn't want to be anywhere near me. I rubbed the back of my head in frustration.

"If you won't do it for us, do it for Greg. It's going to be hard to explain a divorce to a five-year-old." Lucy looked over at little Greg who seemed hurt and confused by what was going on and then looked back at me.

"What do you want?" she asked firmly.

"Counseling. Let's talk to someone about this. Try to find some common ground. Are you willing to do that?" As much as I hated the idea of going to counseling it was my last hope of getting my wife back. She nodded.

"Ok."

"Now Lucy, I really think we should do this just- Wait, what?" I didn't think I heard her right.

She took a deep breath and said it again, "I said ok." I was in complete shock. I didn't expect her to agree so fast, if at all.

"Good. That's good. I'll set something up as soon as possible." She nodded and with that walked back into her building. I got into my car completely overjoyed. I knew I wasn't out of the woods, but progress was progress.

"What happened, dad?" Greg sounded as if he was dying to know. I gave him a bright smile.

"Mom and I just needed to talk." It was the truth and I was glad about it. I cranked the car up and drove my son and me home. Thank God, she was willing. That's all I needed. I bowed my head, _Lord if you let me make this right, I won't mess up again. I'll be faithful, I'll be supportive, and I'll be everything she needs me to be. Just help me make it right._ I prayed with closed lips and an open heart.

***

Lucy

"Well let's get started, shall we?" Pastor Wallace was our pastor and appointed marriage counselor. He also performed our wedding ceremony. We met up with him after Wednesday's bible study in his church office. Grant and I took a seat as far away from each other as possible. Pastor Wallace was a good older preacher who wore bright colorful suits every Sunday. I felt comfortable talking with him because I knew his heart was in the right place. Me personally, I couldn't stand being in the same room with Grant, but we needed to talk to someone so why not take it to the church. We both were pondering in silence when the session started.

"So, Brother and Sister Smith...how did we get here? It breaks my heart to see this happen being that I was one that brought this union together." Grant's silence was even more intense and he remained that way but I didn't.

"Well Pastor Wallace, my husband has been having an affair with his boss' assistant who happens to be carrying his child, and now I want a divorce," I said with a lot of sarcasm and a big smile on my face as I looked between them. Pastor Wallace gulped while Grant rolled his eyes and sat back on the couch.

"Well ok. Brother Grant, do you agree?" He looked at me and sat up.

"Can I be honest, Pastor?" He nodded.

"Please do. It will get you out of here a lot faster."

"Well, I think we were heading here way before the affair ever took place." My eyes narrowed at him.

"Why is that?" Pastor Wallace asked more perked up.

"Well, we have had a lot of problems throughout the years and instead of talking about them we have chosen to ignore them." Grant shifted his gaze towards me. I choked on laughter.

"Sister Lucy, what's wrong?" Pastor Wallace asked.

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to know what his cop-out was going to be," I continued to chuckle.

"You think it was just another reason?" I shook my head.

"There is no reason for infidelity just bullshit excuses. Excuse my language, Pastor." Grant began to rub that spot on the back of his head again while Pastor Wallace nodded.

"So, you didn't see any problems in your marriage before this adultery?"

Grant decided it was his turn to chuckle, "You would actually have to have been in a marriage to see any problems that occur, Pastor." I scowled at him while Pastor Wallace seemed to have taken interest in Grant's statement. He leaned back in his seat.

"Now what exactly do you mean, Brother Grant?" Grant ignored my attitude and continued.

"I mean ever since she became editor of this magazine nothing seems to matter anymore. It's like our family took a back seat to shoes, parties, and makeup."

"That is not true," I protested. _How dare he say those things_?

"So, you feel as if she neglected you in the sanctity of marriage?" Pastor Wallace said in his preaching voice.

"Neglect isn't a strong enough word. Disown is more like it." I was in disbelief.

"Did you ever try to discuss this with her?"

"Of course I did, but she does what she wants to do regardless of how I feel. Lucy practically has to schedule meetings with me and her son."

"So now I'm a bad mother?" I was infuriated now.

Pastor Wallace intervened, "Sister Lucy, do you think Brother Grant made some valid points about your lack of wifely duties?" I laughed.

"Since when does it matter what I think? If it is not what he wants to hear, it's wrong."

"What-" Grant exclaimed.

"So you think that he dismisses your feelings for his own fleshly desires?" Pastor Wallace broke in. I didn't know whether he was counseling us or practicing on his preaching.

"Of course he does, and if I even try to protest he practically bullies me into doing it anyway." Grant seemed taken back.

"I bully you? Woman, are you crazy?"

"Yes, you do. You practically forced me to have Greg," I yelled in fierce defense, but as soon as it slipped out I wished I could take it back. The room had a deadly silence at my confession. Grant and I stared at each other coldly, my words hanging between us.

"So, you didn't want to have your baby?" Pastor Wallace decided to break the ice. I turned my attention away from Grant to him.

"I preferred to wait 'till my career was settled, but big man over here," I said thumbing in Grants direction, "Just had to have a child at his convenience." I turned back to look at him. He had a sour look on his face.

"What made you change your mind?" I eased back, Grant's glare still on me.

"I caved. I got tired of fighting with him, I figured if I would just give him what he wanted then things would be ok, or he would at least manage to come home at night." Grant was taking deep breaths. I could hear him from where I sat.

"What's your take on this Brother Grant?" Pastor Wallace wondered. He shook his head.

"I don't know. I thought this is what you did when you get married. You start a family. If you cared more about your career, you should have married it."

"Do you think I have spent my whole life in school getting a degree so I could cook, clean, and have your children? I would like to actually accomplish something in this world other than being Mrs. Grant Smith." Grant turned to me.

"For some reason, I thought you would grasp the concept that there are more important things in life, rather than social climbing." I laughed at this.

"Coming from the man who refused to marry me until he finished social climbing?"

"I worked so hard so that I could afford to take care of you."

"Well, I don't need you to take care of me." We weren't getting anywhere. Just yelling back and forth. I felt like it was such a waste of time. Pastor Wallace nodded, and in the midst of everything it seemed like something was brewing in his mind.

"It seems to me that there's a pattern here. Whenever there's a confrontation of some sort, you Brother Grant, seem to enforce your opinion, while Sister Lucy, you seem to agree to his terms to avoid further conflict."

Pastor Wallace stood up and paced the floor. "And when there are signs of protest Brother Grant, you tend to act out by staying out late. Emotionally disconnect, and et cetera, you could almost call it a form of punishment." Grant looked confused. My gaze shot over at him.

"Is that what you did by having an affair? Because Sister Lucy wouldn't cater to your needs?" I looked dead at him.

"Is that why you did it? You thought you were punishing me by sleeping with her?" Grant tried to protest but hesitated as if he was unsure. I stood to my feet and couldn't fight the tears swelling in my eyes. "I can't believe you. You despicable bastard! What the hell is wrong with you?" Just as I was about to strike him he quickly grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You got to believe me, baby." I snatched away from him.

"You are pathetic and worthless. I can't believe I married you." I ran for the exit and shot out of there. I couldn't keep still. I was damn near vomiting. I was in terrible pain and Grant had just become my worst enemy. It would be a cold day in hell before I saw him again. 

# Chapter Seventeen

_God, Why Me_ _?_

Lucy

I was a wreck the following day at work. My clothes were a mess, my face was puffy from crying, and I felt nauseous. I couldn't believe all the things I was finding out about the man who claimed to love me. I sat at my desk struggling to breathe trying to digest all the drama that had become my life.

I felt a warm hand on my back and just for a moment, my pain subsided. "Oh honey, you look awful," Megan said with sheer concern. I glanced up at the beautiful girl. She was adorned in a black fitted pantsuit and looked impeccable. I immediately felt even more horrible considering the contrast. I smiled weakly, but it couldn't combat the army of tears.

"Thanks, Meg, you always know what to say." Ignoring my sarcasm, she pulled up a chair and sat closer to me.

"Lucy, come on. You may need to see a doctor." I continued to swipe at my eyes.

"I have seen enough doctors to last me a lifetime."

Megan shook her head trying to get through the wall I had put up. "Honey this situation with you and Grant is not only weighing you down emotionally, it's taking its toll on you physically. You look ill." I pulled my hair back and tried to fix myself up, but no manner of straightening could fix anything. After months of feeling alone and uncared for, I did my best to stay strong but now I felt as if I was losing my mind. Megan took my hands in hers trying to let me know I had a friend.

"Lucy, you are obviously under severe stress and it's getting out of control you need to see a doctor." I nodded my head and tried to maintain my composure.

"Ok...ok I just need-I need help." I broke down in her arms no longer able to control myself. _Why Lord, why would you do this to me? Why would you let the only man I have ever loved stray? This pain is unbearable and I fear I won't be able to stand much longer._ Please, God, _take it away from me._

I parked in the visitor's lot at Lenox Hill hospital. For it to be an early morning it wasn't as busy as usual, but employees were all around busying about their daily routines. I moved past nurses and patients making my way to the front desk.

"Appointment for Lucy Smith," I said and the nurse looked up at me and managed a smile while looking at me with pitting eyes.

"Yes, ma'am. Room 104."

I made my way to Doctor Wilson's office, my usual physician, hoping she could prescribe something to rid me of this pain. But what drug could take away heartache? As I headed down the hall to her office, I saw something that made my body immediately go rigid. There he was conversing with an obvious obstetrician, going over results while _she_ listened in, holding her belly. I stood there and watched _my_ husband's face light up when he looked at the sonogram pictures the doctor was showing him. I stood there and watched her. She was beautiful, and pregnancy complimented her. I stared at her growing belly with _his_ child inside. He smiled at her the same way he had done to me when I'd stood right there in the same spot, beside him, carrying our child. He reached for her stomach and rubbed it as if he were touching the baby inside. My heart broke all over again at the sight of them together. I wanted to stop breathing. I wanted my body to grow cold. I wanted to die, but I was already dead. Grant looked up and saw me, and the glory that had overshadowed him during his moment faded. _No._ _Don't look at me while I'm like this. Don't look at me_.

He saw hurt and pain in my face and I saw him start towards me, but as I registered that he was really coming to me, I ran from him. From everything. I found an emergency exit that leads to the back-street alley. I stood at the top of the stairwell and took deep breaths, but it did not soothe me. I realized I couldn't breathe because I was crying hysterically, hyperventilating. I tried to calm down but the tears were relentless and I was gasping taking in several gulps of air. "Some. Body. Help," I managed to get out. I was hoarse, so those pleas would fall on deaf ears. I reached for my phone and scrolled through, hoping to call Meg. Anyone, anyone who could save me. My chest was sore.

_Oh dear God, I need someone. Please help. I need-_ "Aaaaaah!" I screamed as I felt my body lift in the air and I toppled down the stairwell. _Slam_. I landed at the bottom of the staircase, bleeding slowly and losing consciousness; I tried to get up but couldn't even move. I grew numb and everything slowly faded into the darkness.

***

Grant

I searched for her everywhere. I had no idea where she went. I kept replaying the horrified look on her face when she saw me with Alexia. She looked like the life had been completely drained from her body. _Damn_ it, _Grant_ , I thought to myself. _Why do I always do this? Just when I thought I couldn't hurt her any worse._

I motioned for Alexia to stay put in the lobby while I went in search of Lucy. I turned a corner and found a back exit. I was hoping she may have exited that way. I opened the door to the stairwell, the lights were dim, and I could hardly make anything out. When I peered down to the bottom, I instantly froze. There was my wife lying at the foot of the stairs. I was immediately beside her trying to rouse her while not further complicating her condition. She'd taken a hard fall and was bruised pretty badly.

"Help! Somebody help!" my throat burned as I repeated myself over and over. "It's going to be ok. Don't worry baby, it's going to be ok." I patted her head and wondered if she knew I was there. If she felt the warmth of my touch.

"What happened here?" a man's voice shouted down to me.

"My wife. My wife! She needs help," I pleaded. In seconds security was assisting me and my mind raced. _What happened? Was she going to be ok? What should I do?_

The doctors worked on her for hours. They worked feverishly trying to mend her. While watching them operate throughout the night, my mind couldn't help but be in a complete haze. I could barely think straight, but I got myself together enough to call Alexia a cab home and check in with the babysitter for Greg. I didn't want to tear myself away from Lucy at all. I sat outside the operating room anticipating the doctor's return. Just looking at all those wires and mechanisms they had stuck to her made me a nervous wreck. The doctor finally came out to notify me of everything.

"Mr. Smith, I am going to be honest with you. Your wife is very lucky she survived that fall. However, she has multiple broken bones and some internal bleeding which we were able to stop." I'd grown wearier by the minute, but I was determined to remain strong for the both of us.

The doctor continued, "She has a minor concussion, but that should soon subside. Things are looking rough, but if everything goes according to plan she should be alright." I nodded.

"Can I see her?" The doctor must've noted the desperation in my eyes and agreed.

"But be brief. She needs all the rest she can get."

I walked into her room and braced myself for the worst and that was exactly what I got. Lucy was severely bruised and there was bandaging covering a lot of what I could see. I knelt beside her and kissed her swollen lips fighting back tears.

"Woman, how did we get here, huh?" I stroked her hair as I sat beside her and rested my head on her belly. "I'm sorry baby." I sat there with her hoping I could transfer some warmth and love into her cold body.

After several weeks, Lucy still had not come back to me. She was still in a medically induced sleep. I tried to find ways to explain to little Greg what had happened to his mother. I told him that she had fallen and was asleep dreaming.

"Like Sleeping Beauty?" he asked me.

"Yes son, just like Sleeping Beauty." He seemed to understand as much as his young mind could handle. Greg and I would talk to her for hours on end and hoped to get a response. During that time, the love that I had for her that I thought had disappeared grew more and more. I was back to seeing her as the woman I married and the woman I'd hurt. I became determined to see her through the toughest time we'd faced.

While Mona watched Little Greg from our home, I sat with my wife looking over our lives together.

"You remember our wedding?" I asked her laughing. I was grateful for the fact that she was still wearing her wedding ring. "You were so nervous. You thought everything was going to go wrong from the cake to the flowers, and that bright yellow suit that Pastor Wallace showed up in." I laughed remembering the florescent colors Pastor Wallace loved to indulge in. "That's when I promised you that whatever goes wrong, no matter what, I was going to stand by you...and I meant that." A familiar voice chuckled behind me.

"Wanna bet?" I turned around to see my father-in-law in Lucy's hospital room giving me the coldest stare ever. "You won't be getting anywhere near my daughter ever again." I stood up toe to toe with him and glared.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Oden Dobson removed his brown overcoat, crossed his arms over his chest, and smirked at me. For someone his age he was tall, lean, and could be ready to throw down at the drop of a hat.

"The doctor informed me that Lucy had been in an accident. Something you failed to do." His dark brown eyes turned even colder.

I sighed, "I was going to tell you when she woke up. I didn't want to worry anybody." Oden grunted and straightened the collar of his shirt.

"The only person you need to be worried about right now is yourself." Another man walked into the room, he was obviously of Spanish descent. He wore a dark navy shirt and jeans topped off with a black overcoat. Instantly I knew who he was. A cop.

"Mr. Smith, I'm Detective Trent," he introduced himself. I was confused.

"Detective... what?" He walked over to shake my hand.

"Yes, I'm investigating your wife's accident."

"What do you mean you are investigating my wife's accident? She fell." Oden mockingly coughed.

The detective continued on, "Sir, I am just trying to confirm that it was an accident. You were the only one with her at the scene of it all?"

"You heard him." Oden made his way back into the conversation.

"Talk to the man. Tell him what happened." He looked at me accusingly. I suddenly caught his heavy drift and stepped back in shock.

"You don't...you can't possibly think I did this."

"Oh, I don't think," he growled out. Detective Trent intervened.

"Mr. Smith, can I talk to you about the day of your wife's accident? Just a couple questions." I couldn't believe it. Did he really think I would hurt my wife? This man was insane, but knowing it was in my best interest, I decided to cooperate.

"My son is home with the babysitter and I-"

"Little Greg is going to be fine," Oden declared.

"He will be in my care from now on," I swear if that detective was not there right then Lord knows what I would have done to that fool.

"Ok, let's go," I said, cringing and followed the detective out the door but not before getting one last look at Lucy.

# Chapter Eighteen

Change of Plans

Grant

"So, let's start from the beginning. What Happened?"

I peeled my head from my hands and glared as Detective Trent interrogated me in his office. It was funny how I could still remember the interrogation tactics that multiple officers had tried on me, but to their disappointment, I would never break. It had been some years since I'd been brought down to a police station, but the same feeling I'd always had about police officers remained true. You can't trust them. I couldn't believe I'd even been brought here in the first place. Lord only knows what Oden had been poisoning their minds with, and given my history with the police, I could only assume they believed him.

"Like I said, Lucy saw me at the hospital, ran away, and by the time I found her, she was at the bottom of the stairwell." Detective Trent eyed me hard.

"And why would she run away from you?"

"Because." He could tell I was hesitating on answering him. "She saw me with someone."

"You mean the woman you had been having an affair with and who is now pregnant with your child?" That was more of a statement than a question. Frankly, I was getting tired of all the mockery.

"Since you got all the answers, why am I still sitting here?" Trent just stared at me, but he spoke a thousand words. I smiled challenging him. Now it was my turn to interrogate him.

"So tell me, Detective, my wife has been in the hospital for weeks. Why do you guys all of a sudden want to investigate her accident?" I leaned back in my chair waiting for his response. His gaze swept over me. I guess he didn't appreciate my line of questioning.

"We needed to wait 'til we had all the facts before we moved any further." I laughed. _What a pathetic answer. Must be a rookie,_ I thought.

"You mean you had to wait until my father-in-law lit a fire under your ass to move, huh?" I stared, waiting for him to tell me I was lying. He didn't. Detective Trent shrugged and walked across the room for some coffee.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Mr. Smith."

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sure my father-in-law put you up to this." He smirked a little.

"And why would you assume that?" I rolled my eyes and kicked back.

"Obviously he is not my biggest fan for superficial reasons."

It was no secret Oden Dobson hated having me for a son-in-law. He didn't see me fit to be his daughter's husband mainly because I wasn't some Uncle Tom from Hillman that he always dreamed of her marrying. To Oden Dobson, I was nothing more than a hoodlum who would eventually ruin his daughter's life.

***

Grant

1998

" _Are you sure he said I could come?" I asked Lucy._

_We were driving back home for the holidays. Her father, Oden, had finally decided to accept our relationship after many years of fighting our union and invited us over for dinner. Ever since she'd told her father about me he had been suspicious and leery, so Detective Private Eye decided to do a background check on me to confirm his suspicions. And just guess what he found? Once Oden had found I had a couple of_ run-ins _with the law he went postal, telling his daughter I was a no-good jail bum set out to ruin her life. He failed to acknowledge the fact that I had a job and was providing for her and myself, but to_ him, _I would forever be street trash. Lucy was not a woman who you could tell what to do and so she defied her father and refused to listen to him. Oden saw that there was no fighting us and I guess by the grace of God he finally gave in or so we thought._

" _It's just a couple of hours. What is the worst that could happen?" Lucy chuckled._ _A lot._ _I wanted to say. I just shook my head keeping my eyes on the road bracing myself for the worst. Lucy patted my knee and smiled._

" _Everything's going to be ok, baby. Don't worry," she said kissing my cheek. I could only hope what she said was true but with_ Oden, _there was no telling what he had up his sleeve. There was no stopping him if he was determined to get what he wanted. One might find that characteristic admirable, but for_ me, _it was_ pure _annoyance._

_Lucy pulled some cover out of the back seat over her white sweater to warm her up. Being that the heater was on blast in the car I wondered was it the weather that was really making her chilly. I shook all thoughts from my mind and stared ahead in deep concentration as our turn took us into Alachua. As we made our way into the city we drove directly to Oden's house and pulled into the drive. Lucy rang the_ doorbell in _enthusiasm. She hadn't seen her father in a while and the fact_ that he _didn't approve of me didn't help bring them together more often either. Oden swung open the door and greeted his daughter._

" _Daddy!"_

" _Baby girl." He swung her around as they embraced. He finally looked up at me. "Grant." I nodded._

" _Mr. Dobson."_

After the awkward silence faded he invited us inside.

"Well, _you guys are coming a long way from New York. How you are faring_ there, _baby?" Lucy and I removed our coats and made our way to the fireplace._

" _Just fine, Daddy. I'm finishing up with school and Grant's getting more work with his job," she said patting my knee._

" _Oh yeah? How is that going, Grant?" he asked with that slick grin that he always gave me. A grin that told me I was beneath him and nothing I ever did would be good enough._

" _It's good. I'm getting more work done so that means more money to take care of this young lady." I leaned over and kissed Lucy knowing it always angered her father. Oden stood and walked into the kitchen to set places at the table, while I'm sure choking back his anger._

" _Well that's good Grant, you are taking care of business. Most felons aren't able to get a chance like that."_

" _Dad." Lucy shot a cold glare at him. Although I could have flipped out I decided to play it cool. It wasn't worth it._

"Well, _I guess I'm blessed huh?"_

Oden nodded while setting the food out. "Well ain't that why the jailbird sings?"

" _Ok, seriously?" Lucy yelled._

_Oden fixed his face in an incredulous way. "Joke," he lied trying to appease his daughter. I smiled although I didn't find it amusing at all._ _Just one hour,_ _I said to myself_ _, just make it through the hour_ _. We all gathered at the dinner table to eat. It was a nice house full of antiques and plenty of memories of Lucy's childhood. I tried to focus on the real reason that I was there. It was so Lucy could spend some time with her father even if he was the devil._

" _Lets us pray first." Oden bowed his head and we followed suit. "Lord, thank you for everything you have done and are going to do for this family. I ask you to bless this food we are about to receive Jesus and bless the bodies that it will nourish."_ _Well so far so good,_ _I thought. "Lord also bless our minds, Father, to make the right decisions concerning our futures and the people we decide to build that future with Jesus."_

" _You got to be kidding me," I mumbled._

" _Just guide our way Lord and show us right from wrong, and please, please, please, Jesus keep us from going down the wrong path. In your heavenly name,_ Amen _. So, who's ready to eat?"_

_We both looked at him like he was plum crazy. As we passed the food around I couldn't help but ask Oden some_ much-needed _questions mainly to get a reaction out of him._

" _So Mr. Dobson, what do you think about coming to visit me and Lucy in New York?" I could tell he was thrown off by my willingness to talk to him, and since I had his attention I planned on turning up the heat._

"Well, _I think that is something to think about." Lucy smiled at his answer, but I knew that it was just said to appease her. The thought of me being with his daughter made his skin crawl and I knew it._

_I continued to put on the pressure. "_ Well, _that's good because we were thinking of buying a house soon. Once we are more established," I said while grabbing her hand and flashing my million-dollar smile his way. He gave me a_ _twisted look but eased it off just in time. "What do you think about the market in New York real estate wise?"_

Oden took a sip of wine before answering, "Well New York can be very costly. I wouldn't consider purchasing a home there."

Lucy decided to chime in intrigued by the conversation. "Well Grant is making good money at Good and Weldness, plus I'm doing great at my internship. Pretty soon we'll both be bringing in a lot of income to buy a home, Dad." Oden tried to chuckle off his frustration but the vein popping out on his neck was visibly throbbing.

" _What's with this talk of houses and what not? You guys aren't trying to get hitched anytime soon, are you?" The smile on his face was warm, but the look in his eyes was desperate. Lucy looked_ to _me then back to her father._

" _Well of course not now, but soon I hope." That vein of his nearly popped out at the thought of me being a permanent part of his family. Oden gave a faint smile trying to stay cool._

" _Honey you are a little too young to even be thinking about that right now."_

I cleared my throat as I jumped back into the conversation.

" _Well Mr. Dobson, the keys to a successful marriage is love, security, and commitment. We've got plenty of that to at least consider holy matrimony." If looks could kill I would be a dead man. Oden's knuckles whitened as he gripped his wine glass._

" _But you're still young. You need to wait it out a little longer. Explore all your options." I looked at Lucy who appeared to be irked by his comment._

" _What options? There are no other options. I want to be with Grant." He shook his head._

" _Lucy, you haven't even lived yet baby. Neither of you_ have _. You don't want to be tied down to the first man you have ever been with."_

" _I don't understand. I love Grant, I want Grant, and there is no one else." I nodded._

" _And I feel the same way." Oden finally stood up unable to mask his true feelings anymore._

" _Ok, I can't do this. I can't sit here and let you throw your life away." Finally, the real Oden Dobson showed up. Lucy shook her head and looked at her father and placed her fork down on the plate._

" _Dad, Grant is going to be a part of my life. If you don't agree then that's just too bad."_

" _Honey this man is going to ruin you. He sees you're going places. He's just a leech trying to live off your success. Don't you see that?"_

I rose from the table having had enough of his insults. "I don't have to listen to this."

" _Grant, wait," Lucy called for me._

" _No, let him go. You don't need a man like him."_

I stopped, frozen in my tracks and turned around. "A man like what?" He eyed me up and down like I was worthless.

" _A street thug that is going to use and abuse my daughter 'til he moves on to his next victim."_

" _Dad that is not true. He loves me," Lucy pleaded with him._

" _Of course, it's true. When are you going to see him for what he really is, a product of the ghetto, and he ain't going nowhere. God forbid he drags you down with him."_

Ok, _that did it._ _That_ _did it._

"Look _old man, I love your daughter and you can throw all the shade you want to at me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not going anywhere. You might not want to realize this, but I'm her_ man, _not you. And if you focused more time_ worrying _about yourself, you would have your own woman and leave us the hell alone." He stood in shock at first but soon boiled over._

" _That's it! That's it!" He turned to Lucy who was_ trembling under _his wrath. "I will not sit back any longer and let this man destroy you. You decide right now. Him or me."_

" _What?" she stared at him in disbelief. I shook my head at the man's audacity. He didn't even care that he was hurting his daughter by what he was doing._

" _After tonight I don't ever want to see him again. Now unless you want the same fate you better make a decision. Him or me. Make a choice."_

While Oden continued to put pressure on Lucy, I decided I'd had enough and I grabbed our coats off the rack. In my eyes, she didn't need him anymore. He had served his purpose and now it was my job to take over.

" _Lucy, are you coming?" She looked at me teary eyed then back to him._

" _Yes." She stood slowly as she walked away from the first man she had ever loved. The drive to the hotel was a silent one. Every word Oden had spit out still replayed in my mind._

" _I can't believe him and after all the things I have done for you, he still thinks I'm not good enough." Lucy sulked and was disappointed by the demise of the holiday dinner._

" _Well once we show him that we're serious about each other he'll have no choice but to accept it." I was so caught up in anger I failed to see what she was saying._

" _What are you talking about?" She looked up at me._

" _You said you wanted to marry me, right?" I swallowed and remembered I had let that slip out and now had put myself in a whole lot of trouble._

" _Yeah but...no time soon." Lucy eyed me strangely as she sat up._

" _Then why would you say that?" I glanced at her then back to the road._

" _I meant what I said. Just not right now."_

She took inventory of my tone and sighed, "So let me guess you just said all of that marriage stuff to piss my father off, right?"

" _I meant what I said, baby. I did." Lucy looked out the window trying to hide the tears sliding down her face._

" _I can't believe you." I shook my head._

" _I meant what I said Lucy I want to marry you just-" I could hear her sobbing with her head down, I reached out to touch her but she smacked my hand away._

" _Don't!" she continued to sob. I rode through the icy snow regretting the pain I had just caused the woman I loved._

***

Detective Trent sat across the table eyeing me intently. "Grant your wife fell down a flight of stairs and was admitted to the hospital with numerous injuries and I need to know how she got there."

I was getting frustrated; it was insane. "You can't be serious. You really think I would try to hurt my wife? Come on now." I was sick of the games. I needed to be there for Lucy not entertaining Oden's hired help. Instead of the smart-ass approach, I tried to reason with him.

"Did it ever occur to you that this may have been an accident?" There was a knock on the door, Detective Trent rose up and chatted with another officer for a minute then returned back to me.

"Well Grant, looks like we are going to find out everything we need to know now. The hospital called and your wife is awake." My heart pounded loudly at this knowledge. She was awake.

# Chapter Nineteen

It Was an Accident, Right?

Lucy

_Oh damn._ I opened my eyes and felt so groggy. I felt as if a ton of bricks had been dumped on my entire body. I was hurting badly and I could barely move. _What happened? What's_ _going_ _on?_

As my vision became clearer I looked up to see an older looking familiar face at my bedside.

"Dad," I managed. He smiled at me.

"Hey, baby girl. I thought I would never see those pretty beams of yours again." I became uneasy as I saw tears begin to form in his eyes.

"What are you doing here daddy?" I asked. He patted my hair trying to comfort me.

"You had an accident, honey. The doctor called-" Accident _?_ Blurred visions flooded my mind and I recalled the whole scene at the hospital. I spotted Grant with Alexia, I ran away, and then somehow fell down a stairwell. I tried to sit up and regain control of all of my limbs, but my dad reached up and stopped me.

"Don't do that honey. You're going to need all of your strength."

A young attractive looking Spanish man entered my room.

"Honey, this is Detective Trent from the police station. He's going to ask you some questions about what happened, ok?" I was confused.

"Mrs. Smith, I understand you had an accident here at the hospital?" I nodded and he continued.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

I struggled as I tried to verbally express the events that led up to my accident. Though I could see it in my mind, it was hard to get out.

"I was feeling sick at work, so I made an appointment. I saw my husband at the hospital," I hesitated.

"And what happened?" Detective Trent pushed.

"I ran. To an exit. Stairwell. I couldn't breathe. My phone...in my purse. Then...I..."

Detective Trent and my father leaned in closer. "You what? What happened?" I shook my head.

"I don't remember."

Detective Trent nodded. "Did you see anything or anyone?" I was trying to think if I could remember seeing someone or smelling something that was familiar that may trigger something in my brain, but I couldn't. I shook my head and my father stood up.

"So, what do we do now? We can't make an arrest on that."

"An arrest?" I nearly burst open some stitches at the sound of that. "You have someone in custody?"

"We are currently questioning someone," Detective Trent clarified staring at my father sternly, "but I'll keep in touch." And with that, he exited the room.

"Dad, what's going on?" I asked in utter disbelief.

"Nothing honey, just relax while I go check on little Greg."

_Little_ _Greg_. With everything that had been going on, I failed to remember my own child.

"Little Greg, where is he? Is he ok? Let me see him." My dad tried to calm my nerves, but it was too late I was in a frenzy.

"I'm going to go get him now, sweetheart. Just calm down." I finally settled myself and eased back on the bed. My dad kissed me on the head and I watched him exit my room.

While this commotion was going on all I could seem to think about was Grant. _Where is he? Does he even know I'm here? Does he care?_ I wanted to call him, but then again, I didn't. I was so confused, but one thing was clear. I needed rest.

***

Grant

As soon as I left the police station I went home to get Little Greg from the babysitter. I knew I had to get to him before Oden did. I was filled with so much frustration with Lucy being awake. I wanted to see her, but I knew her father would never let that happen. _Damn, out of all the times he picked to show up. Why couldn't that bastard have stayed where he was? Damn!_ I picked up a nearby chair and wanted to throw it but thought better of it.

"What's wrong dad?" my son asked me as I paced the living room floor back and forth. I turned to him. I almost forgot he was there.

"Nothing son. I just got a lot on my mind."

"Is it about mama?" I glanced his way I could tell he was disturbed. I exhaled trying to remain calm in front of my child.

"Yeah kid it is, but it's ok because we are going to see her real soon. Matter of fact, we are going right now. Go put your jacket on."

Little Greg raced to his closet. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed for the door, I was going to see my wife even if it killed me and whoever didn't like it could surely kiss my-. At the exact moment as I opened the door, I was greeted by Oden and Detective Trent Immediately I thought something was wrong.

"What happened? Is Lucy alright?"

"Everything is fine, Mr. Smith. I just need a moment of your time." My anger was showing and I wasn't trying to hide it.

"I think you have had enough of my time today, Detective. I want to talk to my wife."

"Like hell you will." Oden barged through the door. I swear I was going to clock that man if Little Greg hadn't come into the room.

"Grandpa," he yelled running into Oden's arms. "When did you get here big man?" Greg asked slapping his grandfather's chest making Oden laugh.

"I just arrived here lil' man."

"Well, Daddy is going to take me to go see Mommy."

"Oh, he is?" he said giving me a sidelong glance, "Well kid, how about I take you?" Oden glanced in my direction again. "If that's ok?" I looked at him sternly knowing I wouldn't dare act a fool in front of my son so I reluctantly nodded.

"Yaaay!" Little Greg cheered. While Oden and Little Greg headed for the car I stared at Detective Trent.

"So, is it back to the station?" I knew that I didn't have to go but it would look better on my part if I just cooperated with the investigation. Detective Trent looked at the couch in the living area then back at me as if he were asking for a seat. I nodded. As we sat down the real conversation began.

"No Grant, we are not going back to the station. There is no need. I'm not arresting you."

"So, it was an accident?" I asked looking at him for confirmation. Detective Trent shook his head.

"She said she doesn't recall the accident." I gasped.

"But you still think she was pushed?" Detective Trent was giving me a questioning look and I took offense right away.

"You can't possibly think I would do that to my own wife, man."

"What I think Grant, was that you two were at the same place at the same time the incident took place. Now that's too much of a coincidence for me. Don't you think?"

My anger was still burning at his audacity. He didn't know me, he didn't know her, or our situation. All he knew was what that egg head Oden was telling him and now he had the nerve to sit in my house accusing me.

"Look, I don't know what that bastard has been telling you, but I have never hurt my wife." Detective Trent looked at me with a blank expression that most cops used when they didn't want anyone to read them and nodded.

"How do I know that?"

# Chapter Twenty

I Don't Know You Anymore

Lucy

I cringed while lying in the hospital bed wondering how on earth I'd gotten there. My medication was wearing off and I was starting to feel unbelievable pain. _Damn._ _Just my luck._ At that moment, Little Greg burst through the room.

"Mama!" he yelled as he ran into my arms.

"Easy kid. Mommy is still hurt." My dad eased in and gleamed as my son and I reunited.

"Hey, sweetie."

"I have missed you, mama." I smiled seeing my baby boy.

"I have missed you too. You look so much bigger. Before I know it you'll be grown, honey." He giggled but then his face grew sullen.

"Grandpa told me you fell down the stairs." I sent a sharp look in my father's direction and he eased back.

"Yes, but mommy is going to be just fine," I said to him smiling.

"You sure mama? Daddy brought me in to see you while you were sleep and you didn't look so good." My heart stopped when I heard that. Grant came _to see me? I always did think he came, but I wasn't sure._

"Daddy brought you to see me?" My father grew intensely quiet, I'm sure not wanting to hear Grant's name.

"Yeah, Mama, we came and saw you every day. Daddy said you were sleeping like Sleeping Beauty and we had to wait until you woke up," he explained. I couldn't help but admit it touched my heart that Grant stilled cared, but where was he?

I patted my son on his head.

"Well thank you for being there for me, baby." After a while, Little Greg began playing around the room with stethoscopes and gloves. While he was distracted I decided to direct my attention to my father. I looked at him intently. He seemed offended.

"What?" he asked.

"Why did you tell him what happened? The poor thing is probably going to have nightmares, Dad." He leaned in close to me.

"Why didn't you tell me your so-called husband has been abusing you."

"What!" I shrilled. I gave him the blankest stare.

"Greg?" He looked up at me.

"Ma'am?"

"Honey, go and get some snacks from the machine and let one of the nurses help you." My dad took out a few dollars and Greg quickly grabbed them and bolted for the door. As soon as he was out of sight, I turned back to my father.

"Now what are you talking about?" My dad gave me with a disapproving look.

"Greg told me everything. What type of man does that in front of his own child?" Then I understood and I sighed while my eyes pleaded with him.

"It wasn't that serious we-"

"It wasn't that serious?" he cut in, "Greg said that he grabbed you and that you were crying." I exhaled. I needed more meds.

"He didn't hit me."

"But he was going to?" Oden spoke sternly. I was on the verge of tears ashamed to admit to my own father how reckless my marriage had become.

"He didn't Dad. He wouldn't hurt me." He shook head and leaned back in his chair.

"Until now." At those words, my heart sank into my stomach.

"What do you mean?" My dad gave me a rough stare that said everything. I shook my head.

"No, Grant didn't do this, Dad."

"How do you know? You don't remember what happened." I was in disbelief as to how he could say something like this. I always knew my father hated Grant but this was a new low.

"Grant could never hurt me, Daddy."

He scoffed, "Yeah, because he has proven that time and time again."

"Dad, that is a whole other situation. You are practically saying my husband tried to kill me." My dad saw how upset I was and eased off.

"What I am saying is the police have yet to rule him out. He was the only one who was there when you fell and that's why he is being questioned." I was hurting physically and emotionally and it was unbearable. _Questioned? He is being questioned_.

"He-he is a suspect?" I asked shocked. He nodded.

"Look Lucy, I can't say for sure that Grant did this, but then again I can't say he didn't." My father drew me into his arms as tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe that my husband would actually hurt me, but then again, I couldn't believe a lot of the things he had done thus far.

***

Oden

Little Greg began to doze off on the sofa cushion next to his mother who was drifting in and out as well. As they slept I chatted with Detective Trent outside being sure not to wake them.

"So, what are you saying? You can't charge him?"

Detective Trent exhaled, "No, I can't."

"But he was there. He had a motive. Kill the wife. Live happily ever after with the pregnant mistress." I leaned against the wall not understanding why the hell nobody saw fault in that boy with this situation. Trent shook his head at my constant pushing for answers.

"But there is no concrete evidence just insinuation, plus she doesn't even remember if she was pushed or not."

"But that doesn't mean he didn't do it."

"Listen..." Detective Trent rubbed his temples having had enough, "there are no witnesses, no fingerprints, nothing that links him to being the one that pushed your daughter down the stairwell other than the fact he was there."

I perked up just remembering incriminating evidence.

"But he has hit her before, so that's a history of violence." Detective Trent glanced to the side to avoid eye contact.

"Well, he didn't actually hit her."

"You know about that?" He nodded.

"Yeah, he told me." I was in shock.

"Well, what the hell are you doing then man?" He shot me a stern look. I was coming down hard on him.

"Look, my hands are tied. I have done what I could for you being that you and my Captain go way back, but we have reached the end of our rope." I found the nearest chair and flopped down wondering what the hell I was going to do next.

"Ok. How do I keep him away from my daughter?" Detective Trent leaned back against the wall.

"I don't see how that is possible since they have a child together." I shook my head not willing to admit defeat.

"Doesn't matter. If I can get a court order saying he is a danger to her and the child he'll get barred access."

"You can't do that. He was questioned, not under investigation or charged. Listen you don't want to make things more difficult than they already are. You don't want to go too far with this Oden." I chuckled. Obviously, he didn't know me too well.

"I can't go far enough to protect my family."

***

Grant

I managed to creep into Lucy's hospital room without being spotted. I didn't care if Oden had a SWAT team ready to take me out I was going to see my wife and no devil in hell was going to stop me. I saw Little Greg resting on the armchair and made sure not to disturb him sleeping. I walked over to Lucy, although badly bruised I still thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers. The feel of my mouth must have awakened her. Her eyes fluttered as she slightly rose to me hovering over her.

"Grant?" she said in surprise.

"Hey baby, I've been waiting to see you."

"What are you doing here?" she looked confused and scared.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? I needed to see you. You didn't want to see me?" A look of panic swept across her face and I picked up on it.

"No. No, you can't possibly believe," I rose to my feet, "Oden...he told you I did it didn't he? And you believe him? Come on."

Lucy eased back seeming confused.

"I didn't say that-"

"You don't have to," I cut her off. "How could you let that man poison your mind to think I would try to hurt you?" Lucy tried to calm me down.

"Grant listen-" At that moment Oden and Detective Trent walked in.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Oden yelled. "Lucy, did he hurt you?"

"What?" I exclaimed.

"No dad," she spoke up not wanting anything to go down between me and her father.

"So, I guess you came to finish what you started huh?" Oden smirked.

"You bastard. You're a fool, you know that?" Oden stepped toward me with rage in his eyes. I was ready when he was.

"Dad?" Little Greg said sleepily.

"Hey, kid." I walked over to my son, but Oden intervened.

"It's alright Greg. Go back to sleep. Your father was just leaving."

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed. Alright, I was going to lay this old man out.

"Guys!" Detective Trent spoke, "let's take this outside." We nodded and slowly eased toward the door. I looked back at Lucy, and she looked on helplessly at the situation as we got of earshot of her and Greg.

Oden was still looking for a fight. "Look, I meant what I said. For the time being you are going to stay away from them," he warned jamming his finger at me. I laughed finding his threats hilarious.

"Yeah because you're going to stop me? I got half the mind to put you in a hospital bed." Oden smiled as well.

"Oooh threatening me huh? That's not going to look good when a judge hears that." I smirked.

"Oh, you're going to the court of law to try to keep me away?"

"You're damn right, especially with a protective order." I glared at him. "I'm sure if I contacted a judge and told him that you are a suspect in my daughter's accident he wouldn't mind giving me one...especially with your prior record." I shook my head in disbelief at how far this man was willing to go to keep me away from my family. He was so filled with venom it wasn't even funny. "Yeah, so take this as a warning. Stay away from Lucy or your main concern will be not to drop the soap." And with that Oden walked back into Lucy's room. I fell back against the wall trying to figure out how to clean up this very nasty mess I had made out of my life. There was no way in hell I was going to let Oden keep me away from my own family. Detective Trent leaned over my way. He'd been watching the pathetic scene.

"He really doesn't like you, does he?"

"I have noticed," I said still glaring.

"Well." He straightened up his coat and turned to leave, "You better get ready for war," and walked off. I nodded.

"Trust me. I'm ready."

# Chapter Twenty-One

Don't Want to Lose You

Grant

1999

_Weeks had passed since the debacle over the holidays and Lucy was still mad at me. As she prepared dinner I could hear her in the kitchen slamming the plates on the table. I shook my head and flipped through the channels on my big screen. I couldn't believe that she was still_ resentful toward _me after all this time. Maybe I shouldn't have used our relationship to dig at her father but I had to show her what he was really like, that he would never accept me as her man, but maybe I went about it the wrong way. I got up and walked to the kitchen and stared at her as she flicked our food on to our plates._

" _Baby, we need to talk." She sighed and glared at me._

" _No." Lucy continued to throw food on our plates and the floor._

" _Woman before you have our food all over the table, tell me what's on your mind."_

She threw the pots and pans back on the stove.

" _Where are we really going with this Grant? What is our relationship?" I didn't understand what she was saying._

" _We are together. We love each other," I responded. She glared at me and folded her arms across her chest._

" _That's it? We are just together."_

" _Yeah, haven't we been together for years? Do we have a problem now? What more do you want?"_

" _What I want is to know where we are going with this. Do you really see yourself with me for the rest of your life? Can you honestly say I'm the one you want to be with?" I didn't want to think about all those questions she was asking me. I never liked to plan for the future. All I had was today. I had been that way since I was a youngster. Tomorrow was of no importance. All I had was today. I went over and put my hands around her waist._

" _Baby, I love you. I do, but marriage isn't in the plans right now." She twisted her face up at me._

" _But it was in the plans when you were bragging to my father. You couldn't stop talking about it then." I sighed knowing I'd_ gotten _myself into that situation. I dropped my head and tried to comfort her._

" _I want to marry you, babe...eventually." Lucy shook her head and pulled away from me._

" _I can't do this," she mumbled. I was getting pissed. I was damn tired of her spoiled ass attitude. I was doing more than enough for her and if that wasn't good enough I didn't know what to tell her._

" _You can't do what? Now since I don't want to walk down the aisle right now, you want out?" I tried reading her, but she was blank. That bothered me._

" _I want to know that when you say you love me you mean it. I want to know that I mean something to you."_

" _Woman, are you out of your damn mind?" I looked at her like she was plum crazy. "I brought you here all the way to New York. I take care of you, hell I put up with that dumb nut of a Father you have and you want me to prove I love you?" I'd had enough. Everything I did wasn't good enough, and then there she was trying to force me down the aisle. It was crazy. I didn't need the shit. I walked into our bedroom and plopped on the bed. Lucy followed me and stood in the_ doorway _._

" _Grant!" She yelled to get my attention. I turned my head to look at her and was alarmed when I saw tears filling her eyes._

" _I dropped everything to come to New York with you. I walked out on my own father. I have been turning myself inside out trying to please you, and what is my consolation prize? A hope, a dream that one day you'll marry me? C'mon man, I need more than that." I rubbed the back of my head wishing I could rip out my skull._

" _Lucy, you are so spoiled and ungrateful. I could marry you tonight, hell I could give you the moon and you still wouldn't be satisfied."_

" _That is not true." I didn't want to hear it._

" _Yes, it is. I do so much for you already and you don't even acknowledge it. All you see is what I'm not doing. I am so sick of trying to make you happy. Obviously, that's an impossible mission." I got up and walked toward the door. She stood in front of_ me, _eyes full of tears begging me not to go. When I looked into her eyes I saw something familiar. It was how I felt when I was on the streets alone._

Lucy and her father hadn't spoken since the dinner, he was the only family she had and she had left him to be with me. She was scared because for the first time she was all alone just as I had been, but she really wasn't because I was there. I sighed and took her face into my hands.

" _Baby, I can't promise you forever right now. All I can do is let you know that we are going to get there. Just cause I don't move when you want me to move doesn't mean_ we were _standing still. You got to work with_ me, _baby." She seemed to calm down the more I talked to her. "Do you remember the night I told you that I love you?" She nodded sobbing. "Do you know I have never said those words to anyone before in my life, not even my own family?" And that was the truth, I never let anyone get close enough to me that I trusted to express to them how I felt. She was the only one I kept in my heart like that. Lucy started wiping tears away from her eyes. I placed kisses on her cheeks. "One thing you don't need to ever do is question my love for you. You got to give me some time. You got to give us some time." I kissed her lips reassuring her I loved her and I wanted to make this work._

" _I'm sorry, I just don't want to lose you," she cried into my chest. I held on to her for the longest time wishing I could give her everything she needed._

" _I'm not going anywhere, woman. Nowhere."_

***

Oden

A week had passed by and I felt I had done a good job of keeping Grant away. All I had to do was threaten to take him to court and file a protective order. I knew nothing scared him more than getting locked up again. I couldn't really do that because he was not charged with anything in my daughter's case, but I knew he was too stupid to figure that out so the plan worked. I didn't see it as a hard task, it's not like Lucy really missed him. However, Little Greg did. Little Greg would soon realize I was doing what was best for him. For both of them. Today she was being released from the hospital into home care, which I planned to do until she was well, and that also meant keeping her worthless soon to be ex-husband away.

I made my way to the hospital and turned the corner to her room, but boy was I in for a surprise. The room was completely empty and there was not a trace that anyone had been there.

"What the-" I exclaimed. I ran to the front desk and pulled one of the nurses aside. "Excuse me, what happened to the patient in room 114?" The older plump lady seemed frazzled by my aggressive attitude, but she hurried to look up the information in the computer.

"That patient was released early this morning, sir." I shook my head knowing I wasn't hearing her right.

"That's impossible. I'm here to sign her out. I'm her caregiver."

"No sir, she was released to the care of her husband."

"What!" I roared and the plump lady panicked. "How could you do this? They are separated. They are not even together. How could you release her to him?"

The plump nurse regained her composure and spoke softly, "Well sir, he gave us this." She handed me some documents, "We had to release her into his care."

I read through the papers _. I, Natalia Lucy Dodson,_ hereby _name Grant Gregory Smith as my asset recipient and primary_ caretaker _if need be_. Damn. The bastard outsmarted me.

"And she just went with him?" The nurse nodded.

"Well, she was sedated. She had been experiencing some pain the night before, but we figured it would be fine since Mr. Smith was her husband, right?"

"Like hell he is," I shouted. I quickly regained my composure knowing there was nothing more I could do. I walked back to the parking lot and sat in my car wondering where the hell he could have taken her. Oh Lord, now that she was with him...Lord only knows what was going to happen now.

# Chapter Twenty-Two

_Take Me Home_ __

Lucy

Although I was still groggy from the pain medicine, I could feel the comfort of a soft mattress and not a hard hospital bed against my aching limbs. I figured dad must have somehow taken me home. The sun was beaming through the window shining on my face when I awakened. Opening my eyes, I took in the unfamiliarity of the room. It wasn't my apartment, nor was it the house that Grant and I once shared. The room was a pale green with brown mahogany dressers and doors. There was a balcony and you could peer out and see a garden of some sort not far off. The room was beautiful but it didn't belong to me.

"Dad...Dad..." I heard little footsteps coming up the stairs and the mystery person entered the room.

"Good morning, Mama!" Little Greg said as he burst inside. I was so relieved to see my baby walk through the door.

"Hey Baby! Come here." He nearly leaped into my arms and looked handsome as ever in some old Levi overalls. Seeing Little Greg being taken care of and so happy put me at ease.

"Did you sleep well mama?" he asked sweetly.

"Of course I did...Hey, um where is grandpa?" Little Greg shrugged.

"I don't know. Back home I guess." I chuckled a little because I must have misheard him.

"What do you mean back home, sweetie?"

"He's not here, Mommy." The panic started to set in, but I it drew back not wanting to alert my son.

"Angel, honey, where are we and how did we get here?" I eased a big fake smile on to mask my fear.

"I don't know where we are, but I know how we got here," he said cheerfully. I pulled my hair back and gulped in fear of what I thought I already knew.

"How?"

"Dad brought us here." And with that my fake smile faded completely.

"What?" I said agitated at the thought. Of course, at that moment Grant walked into the room carrying a delicious tray of food.

"Rise and shine, woman," he said with a big Kool-Aid smile on his stupid ass face.

"You have got to be kidding me," was all I could muster up to say as I dropped my head into my hands.

"No, he isn't kidding Mama," Little Greg said innocently. Grant laid down the tray on the nearest dresser and came toward us.

"Hey kid, go downstairs and play while me and Moms have a talk, ok." He nodded and hopped off the bed.

"Ok, Dad, I will play with Sparks." My head shot up.

"What? Sparks?" I asked not knowing what he was talking about.

"Yeah, Mommy, Dad got a dog. You're really going to like him." And with that Little Greg rushed down the stairs.

My head fell back against the headboard and I repeated, "You have got to be kidding me."

Grant tried to console me. "Look, Lucy, I know you may be a bit overwhelmed right now, but that should soon past. We are just outside of the city in a cottage house in New Paltz. I figured it would be a perfect place for you to get better, for us to get better." He stepped closer to me. "That's why I brought you out here. I want us to be a family again, spend some time together away from everything and everyone." Particularly my father was what he meant. My intense silence must have bothered him because he looked at me puzzled.

"Are you ok?" he asked. I rubbed my head and chuckled.

"Am I ok? I'm great. I'm just fine because you're going to take me home now," I turned to face him to make sure I had his full attention, "or I'm going to burn this house down with you in it." I put on the best fake smile I had. He exhaled at my resistance.

"I can't do that." I looked at him confused.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I meant I won't do that," he said sternly. I glared at him not in the mood for any of his games especially because I was feeling horrible.

"Take me home now!" Grant leaned against the bedpost and had the nerve to chuckle at me.

"You're not going anywhere." I scoffed at him.

"Look, I know you aren't familiar with this term, but I'm an adult and that means you don't tell me what to do and you damn sure don't hold me hostage against my will." He laughed. _Bastard._ He actually found amusement in my frustration.

"Well, being that we are out in the middle of nowhere with no phone or computer in sight and you can't move too well- yes, I can." I chuckled, but I'd also started to panic.

"My dad will come looking for me." Grant shrugged.

"And what if he does? You named me your primary caretaker, remember? There's nothing much he can do but blow hot air as usual." I gripped the back of my head trying not to rip my hair out, and then I thought of a better tactic.

"So, what are you going to do Grant?"

"What do you mean?" He seemed confused by my question. I smiled at him wickedly.

"Well, what are your plans? Are you going to feed me to the wolves? Leave me for dead? Or come up with something new, more inventive? You do plan on finishing the job, don't you?" His smile faded but mine didn't. He seemed to search my eyes, but there was nothing but hardness there.

"Well, your dad sure did a good job of turning you against me, huh?" I shook my head.

"Oh no Honey, you did that all on your own." He leaned into the bed and stared into my face. I pretended not to be uneasy with him coming closer to me.

"You know I didn't hurt you." I faced him excepting his challenge.

"Do I? I don't know anything about you anymore." He nodded and stood up.

"Well, I hope that isn't true because we are going to be here for a long time." He walked to the door knowing he had the upper hand.

"See you in a few." He slammed the door on his way out. I was in utter disbelief I couldn't believe he had done this. Did he honestly think he could make us get back together? My rage was overpowering my better judgment due to the fact my pain medication was wearing off.

"I'm not staying here!" I put one hand on the dresser and the other on the bedpost and struggled to stand. I was breathing heavy since my body was still sore and injured. I swallowed the pain and continued to move.

***

Grant

"Dad, can me and Sparks play outside?" Greg asked making his way into the kitchen. Sparks was the recently purchased Cocker Spaniel that I brought home for Little Greg. I figured he wouldn't get too lonely with him around and that would give me enough time to work on my relationship with Lucy.

"Ok kid, just let me make sure Mom is situated."

"Yaaay," he screamed while Sparks continually barked.

"I'll go get my ball. C'mon Sparks." They both raced to the TV room. I smiled as they ran off. I enjoyed being able to spend as much time with my son as I wanted to. He deserved to have a family and I was going to secure it for him. I thought Oden had me for a moment there threatening to go to the courts, but hey I wasn't charged with any wrongdoing and I should have the right to see my wife whenever I wanted to. So, I took a bit of legal action myself and came across some old documents Lucy and I filled out around the time we got married.

Hmm...I could only imagine the look on Oden's face when he got to the hospital...priceless. I knew Lucy and I needed a change of venue. I had to take her away to someplace where we could be alone and she would have no choice but to talk to me. I managed to take some much-needed time off of work to help my wife heal her body and our marriage. I just needed to get her to see that we belonged together and that we had been through too much to let it go now regardless of anything else. I walked up the stairs to Lucy hoping she had calmed down and at least eaten her breakfast. I knew she was going to put up a fight but damn I don't know if I could handle all this animosity. She seemed to be completely against us being together. I approached her door and braced myself for the worst.

When I walked into her room I saw her sitting on the bed with bags packed sweating profusely. I could tell she was in a lot of pain.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled.

She took a much-needed breath before answering, "Look Grant you have had your fun but now I'm ready to go." I looked at her as if she were plum crazy.

"You're not going anywhere." _You silly ass woman,_ I thought. _You're about to kill yourself and you don't even realize it._ Slowly she rose to her feet refusing to listen to me or her body, which looked as if it were ready to shut down at any moment.

"Well you're insane if you think I'm going to stay here with you so go get the car ready or better yet give me a phone and I'll call for help." Lucy grabbed her bags in an attempt to head out but I blocked the door.

"You're not leaving. Sit your ass down."

She looked at me in disgust. "Don't tell me what to do. Move." She tried to walk past me but I stopped her.

"Let go...let ggg-" Lucy nearly fainted; she had no idea the danger she was putting her health in. I pulled her into my arms trying to comfort her.

"It's ok. It's ok, I got you." She didn't even think about fighting me, she just closed her eyes and dozed off. I laid her on the bed and stayed next to her holding her like I used to. I looked into her bruised up but beautiful face and pulled back her curly hair.

"You almost killed yourself trying to get away from me," I said resting my chin on her head as we lay together. "Do you hate me that much?" I asked.

***

Lucy

By the time I woke up light from the moon was peering in through the balcony doors. It made for beautiful scenery like a midnight bayou. I took it all in while trying to recollect what happened earlier. I must have really overworked myself because my body felt wearier. I noticed my bags were still packed and laying on the floor where I dropped them earlier. _Damn,_ I thought. _Maybe I should have thought about my plan before I tried to execute it given my current state._ I looked down at myself. My hair was wet, and I was in my dark silk robe. My body scented of vanilla wash and I was agitated as I realized I had been bathed. I didn't know why I was so embarrassed. It wasn't like my husband hadn't seen me naked before, but it had been a while. I was alert when the doorknob to my bedroom turned. Grant flicked on the light.

"Good, I figured you would be up by now."

He was carrying another tray of food, seeing that I didn't touch my breakfast. He stood there watching me for a moment and I could tell he was staring at something. I looked down and my robe was half open. I quickly covered up. He laughed at me and sat the tray on the dresser.

"Here, you need to eat." He motioned to the tray. It was filled with lasagna, green beans, a roll, and Peach Delight. I plopped back on my pillow not wanting any part of it

"I'm not hungry." I could tell Grant was becoming frustrated with me by his death stare and extended silence.

"Look, you haven't eaten all day. If you are going to get any better you will need some food." I pretended to go to sleep by rolling over and closing my eyes. I could tell he was trying to quell his anger.

"Look, I know you hate me now but could you at least be civil for Greg. You really scared him tonight." He placed the tray beside me and headed for the door. "Goodnight," he said as he left. I opened my eyes and thought about what he said and as much as I didn't want to admit it he was right. I must have scared my son. Hell, I scared myself. I didn't know why I had reacted so carelessly. I'd become an emotional basket case, and apparently, my emotions had just gotten the best of me. I was so convinced earlier that being away from Grant was what I wanted, but now that the reality had set in that we were here together all alone with our son I wasn't in a rush to leave like before. I was completely conflicted and my head was just all messed up. A part of me was furious with Grant about his infidelity. I couldn't stand to look at him, then another part of me wanted to be with him so bad to the point it hurt to think about it. Resting back against the headboard I began to wonder if being here with him was as bad as I thought at times. Maybe we could take this time to fix things and work on our family, but deep down I knew that was going to be easier said than done. I sat up and placed the tray of food in my lap. _This looks really good,_ I thought. _Must be that TV dinner I saw in the store,_ knowing good and damn well Grant couldn't cook. 

# Chapter Twenty-Three

Not That Mad

Grant

I crept in on Lucy as she slept and I was pleased that she had eaten most of her food; I watched her silently. I was wishing I could lay there next to her, smell her, hold her body, whisper in her ear and tell her I love her. I exhaled knowing I couldn't get close enough to her to do that at least not yet and so I left her medication on the dresser. I rose a little late the next morning; I quickly washed up, turned on some cartoons for Greg and Sparks, and made my way upstairs. I was hoping things with Lucy would go a little smoother, but dealing with my precious wife you never know.

"Knock, knock," I said as I walked into the room, but I didn't see what I expected. Lucy was nowhere in sight.

"Lucy, where are you?" _There was no way in hell she could have left this room so where the hell is she? Did this crazy woman get up and leave agai_ n? Just as I was about to run downstairs she opened the door to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked angrily. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Going to the bathroom. Is that ok with you?" She limped back to bed and I managed to calm down.

"Why didn't you call for me? I could have helped you." Lucy smirked and laid back.

"Umm... I could handle it." I grew tense and had become sick of her putting herself in harm's way to prove that she didn't need me. That was an absolutely childish thing to do.

"Look, I'm here to help you. You are not well enough to be taking care of yourself."

"Just because I'm injured doesn't mean I'm helpless. I'm pretty sure I can handle certain things like going to the bathroom." Instead of arguing with her today I tried to be reasonable. I walked closer to the bed and stood over her.

"I got breakfast for you." She closed her eyes as if she were going back to sleep as if I wasn't even speaking.

"Leave it on the table." It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"I was hoping you could come downstairs." Lucy twisted her face at me like I was crazy.

"I said I could go to the bathroom not jump hurdles."

"I could carry you," I said timidly. She chuckled a little.

"I'd rather stay up here." I was growing agitated again.

"I didn't bring you up here so you could not talk to me."

"I wish you hadn't brought me here at all." _Unbelievable._ I rubbed the back of my neck where it was starting to pain and then started laughing. Lucy looked a little disturbed but continued to lie in the bed ignoring me.

"Woman, you really are not going to make this easy for me, are you?" I asked. Lucy pretended to be asleep and ignored my question. I sat down right next to her. "And that's how I know you still love me because if you didn't you wouldn't be fighting me so hard." She tried to turn away from me, but I pulled her back. Our eyes locked and I brought my mouth down to hers. Instantly that burning passion that had been building up inside of me exploded. She tried to fight me, but the familiarity of my lips must have been too enticing. She let me overcome her and caressed her soft dark brown skin. She moaned as I licked and kissed all over her neck. As my hands began to travel under her robe, she reluctantly pushed me off. We both tried to catch our breath. I sat up and looked at her smiling.

"Well, you're not that mad at me." Lucy still trying to regain her composure scowled at me.

"Oh, get out," she snarled at me. I was still smiling.

"You sure? Is that what you really want me to do?" She rolled her eyes and tried to cover herself.

"Seriously Grant, leave."

"Really?" I responded as I closed back in on her, "Do you really want me to leave?"

Before we knew it, things got hot and heavy again. My fingers found their way inside her and she clung to my mouth. We could see it. We could see ourselves coming back together again.

"Dad, Dad. I don't know how to work the remote." Lucy and I both fell across the bed in disappointment.

"Dad!" Little Greg yelled again.

"I'm coming." _Or at least I was about to._

***

Lucy

After hearing Little Greg's voice, I covered myself. _Damn, saved by the kid._ Grant exhaled and made his way to the door, but not before looking back at me and smiling in victory. I was losing my grip and we couldn't keep doing that. We would be making love by nightfall. After some time passed I heard a knock on the door. I jumped but to my relief, it was Little Greg.

"Hey Mama, are you feeling better?"

I smiled at him. "Yes, baby. Much better." He made his way over and sat beside me. "How is my little man, huh?"

"I'm good." He grinned.

"Dad's downstairs microwaving breakfast."

"Hey baby, do you want to have breakfast with Mama?"

"Yes!" he screamed. _Good_ , I thought. _I would spend time with my son while holding Grant off a little longer. Damn if it didn't it feel good to touch him again._ I was getting hot just thinking about it.

"Mama, are you ok?" Little Greg asked looking at me puzzled. I broke away from my thoughts and collected myself.

"Yes baby, I'm fine." _Oh Lord give me strength._

***

Grant

"Hey, Dad, is breakfast ready?" Greg yelled from the TV room. He and Sparks were dancing around to the theme music of Power Rangers. I swear that kid stayed glued to the television.

"In a minute kid."

It was the next day since Lucy and I's little make-out session yesterday morning and I was now preparing breakfast for all of us to enjoy while still trying to pick up the pieces of what used to be my happy life. While Little Greg was distracted and Lucy was still upstairs, I managed to check in on Alexia every now and again to make sure she and the baby were doing ok. She seemed a bit perturbed by my picking up and taking off so suddenly, as she was getting closer to her due date, but I had to do what I had to do. I was also reassuring her that if she needed me to come back for any reason I would. Plan State of Emergency is what I would call the unplanned getaway I put together in order to save my marriage

With everything that was going on in our lives concerning Alexia and the baby and now Lucy's accident, all hell was clearly breaking loose. I felt if I didn't do something drastic the last thread that was holding us together would finally snap. I'd been going crazy trying to think of the perfect solution. The mess I'd made of me and Lucy's life was catastrophic. I knew as long as Oden was in the picture there was no way I would be able to get near her let alone get her to communicate with me without his controlling input. My only choice was to take her and Greg away for a little while leaving all the unnecessary distractions behind while we worked on our family.

The next day, I went into work and informed HR that I would be taking a leave of absence due to Lucy's accident. Upon hearing the awful news, Gilman and Marshall made sure to offer their sympathies as well as the keys to one of their summer homes out in New Paltz after I expressed to them my desire to take Lucy somewhere nice, so she could relax and rest up. Quickly securing the plans for our secret vacation I made sure to pack some necessary items for us before retrieving my wife and son. Lucy didn't put up much of a fight when I picked her up from the hospital and that was mostly due to the pain medication. Her heavy sedation actually worked in my favor and I was finally happy to have her all to myself without Oden's interference. Now here we were away from the bright lights of the city without a clue as to what to do next.

"You alright in there, kid?" I yelled into the TV room. Greg turned around from the television and looked at me.

"Yeah, dad."

"You too, Sparks?"

_Woof_!

"Ok, I'm going to check on Mom now so be good you two." I don't know why my heart pounded as I got closer to the door. I guess I was hoping that once she saw me she would realize she loved me and loved our family and wanted to do anything to stay together, but then again that was wishful thinking. I knew I had messed up big time and I had to get a handle on the situation. I knocked twice to get her attention.

"Lucy, are you awake?" I asked as I entered her room. She was wide awake and looking gorgeous in the morning light. I could tell there was something different about her this morning, something softer. Instead of looking at me like she wanted to put me in a wood chipper, she smiled.

"Good morning," her voice was soft and low, a change from her screaming banshee vocals.

"Good Morning. I made breakfast. I just need to get Greg settled and I'll bring your tray up-"

"Actually," she began cutting me off, "I am kind of tired of being cooped up in this room. I was hoping I could come downstairs if you don't mind." _Thank you, God, thank you, thank you, thank you._ This was a huge step. Ok, it was a little step but a step nonetheless.

"Yeah. Uh...Yeah...I would love for you to come. It's just-" I paused for a second and she looked at me puzzled.

"Just what?" I looked from her and then to the stairs.

"You can't do it by yourself?"

Even with Lucy's progress in strength, she still wasn't strong enough to make it down the stairs. She nodded time in response.

"Well, are you going to help me?" My eyes perked up and I think I got that stupid Scooby Doo look on my face when I get excited. Lucy pulled the covers back and I raced over to help.

"Ok, now easy. Easy." I slowly brought her up to her feet and we both stared at each other. Her bruises were fading but her body was still fragile and so was her heart. There was something different in her eyes though, instead of hatred and bitterness, I saw vulnerability.

"Do you mind if I-" I was trying to ask her if I could carry her downstairs hoping she would comply.

"Oh yes, it's ok." I nodded and reached under her legs and brought her close to my chest. We had not been that close in a long time; the feel of it alone was stimulating to us both. I brought my face closer to hers and when she didn't resist I ran my lips across her cheek taking in the smell of her hair. How I missed that smell, the feel of her body, the taste of her...

"Dad, is breakfast ready yet?" Greg yelled from downstairs causing us both to break away from the trance. _Damn Kid_ , _we_ _really need to work on your timing._

"We should probably get downstairs," Lucy whispered. I nodded unwillingly.

"Hey Greg, I'm on my way down. I got a surprise for you." I could hear little feet running to the bottom of the stairs.

"Yay Mommy is coming downstairs," Little Greg yelled as I carried Lucy to the living area and gently put her down on the couch.

"Good morning Mama," he said while running to give her a hug.

"Be easy, little man. I don't think she's ready for power slam hugs yet." She laughed.

"It's ok. Good morning honey." I ran in the kitchen quickly got breakfast and returned.

"Alright, I have a surprise for you guys. Check this out." I stood before them with three plates of triple-stacked pancakes topped off with cherry sauce and whip cream. Greg stared in awe while Lucy looked suspicious. She stared at me accusingly while inspecting the plates.

"Alright, where is she?" I was taken aback by her question.

"Where is who?"

"Where is the secret chef you got stashed somewhere because I know you didn't cook this." I pretended to be offended as they both laughed.

"Listen, I've been taking classes and watching _The Food Network_." Lucy guffawed.

"Not even the greatest chef could help you in the kitchen." I shrugged at their mockery.

"Well, I have never been good over the stove. I'm more of an over the table type of man." She shook her head and smiled trying to ignore my dirty comments.

"C'mon y'all, let us dig in."

As we indulged in numerous pancakes, and _Family Feud_ on TV, I couldn't help but feel amazingly good. It felt just like old times to have my family with me and enjoying each other's company. I just hoped this feeling would last, at least for a little while.

# Chapter Twenty-Four

Surprise...Baby

Grant

As the week passed things progressed nicely between us. Lucy and I were spending more time together and with Greg. I was helping her learn to move around better and heal from the accident. We even found ourselves outside enjoying the fresh air. Greg and I played football while she watched and cheered us on from the sidelines while she fought off multiple pestering phone calls from her friends and family wondering about our whereabouts. While talking on the house phone, I could hear her and Oden going back and forth in conversation as usual.

"I said that I'm fine, Dad. No, for the fourth time you don't have to call the police. Listen, we will be back home in a little while. Just relax old man." Shaking my head, I simply turned my attention back to Little Greg.

"Whew! Boy, I'll tell you. If you keep playing like that you will make it to the pros," I said tossing Greg the ball. He grabbed it and threw it on the ground.

"Yeah!" he yelled. I laughed at his game face.

After ending the conversation with her father, Lucy remained sitting on the patio and she seemed to be taking it all in. I don't know what had gotten into her. She seemed eager to be around me now. It made me feel like we were back together.

"So how was he doing out there? Is he NFL worthy?" I asked.

She nodded in approval. "I would draft him." Lucy gave a thumbs up to Greg and he ran over and hugged her. I heard my phone going off in the house and already knew who was calling.

"Hey you guys, give me a minute and I'll bring out some snacks." I went through the patio doors to the kitchen to retrieve my Blackberry. _One missed_ call _. One new voice message._ I played my voice mail; it was Alexia.

" _Hey, we are about to get started soon. I thought you would be here by now. I hope you're not having second thoughts. Well anyway, call me when you can."_

_Damn. I forgot all about today. What am I going to do?_ I walked back to the patio. Lucy looked up at me as I came out. She looked more beautiful as the days passed, with her hair up, skinny jeans and a tank top.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. I wouldn't dare tell her the truth.

"Actually, I got a call from work to pick some packages up. You don't mind if I take off for a minute?"

"No," she said straightening up in her chair, "It's fine."

"Are you sure? You're still not well and Greg can be a handful. I can't leave you-"

"Grant, it's fine. I can handle my own child. Besides I'm starting to get around a little bit better now. I need to make a few more phone calls to work and the girls before they all put out an Amber Alert. So, you go do what you need to do." I nodded, but I still felt hesitant.

"I'm not going to be gone longer than an hour okay?"

"Ok," she agreed.

"Greg, I need you to keep an eye on your mom for me and help her with anything she needs alright?" Greg was out in the yard teaching Sparks how to catch the football.

"I will, bye Dad," he yelled out to me. I looked back to Lucy.

"Just one hour, ok?"

"I'm fine. Go. Please go." I grinned at her loving the atmosphere between us.

"Try not to miss me too much."

I pulled off the exit ramp into the city; I managed to change in the car into some dress casual clothing. A dark red button up shirt, some jeans, and Timberlands seemed to do the trick. I pulled into the Gardens Apartments and made my way to the elevator. Amazing. I could still feel the heat from this place when Alexia and I had our first fling. Thinking about all the damage it had done filled me with regrets. As I arrived at her floor, I was hesitant on going to her apartment. I wanted to stop but my feet kept moving. I guess they figured I was already here. I knocked twice on the door before it opened.

"I thought you would never get here." Alexia smiled at me. Nothing had changed. Alexia was beautiful although her belly had grown tremendously.

"Everybody's waiting. Come on in." I followed her and took in that she was wearing a dark blue wrap around dress that really showed a beautiful side to her pregnancy. As I came into the living area, I was introduced to a cluster of Spanish women.

"Everyone this is Grant Smith." They were diverse in ages, sizes, and complexions, but the overall vibe was very welcoming.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, bonito." The eldest woman of them all embraced me first. Her Brazilian accent was thick.

"Bonito. What?" I was confused knowing I didn't know a damn word of Portuguese other than Holá, tudo bem, which was hello how are you. Alexia smiled at my ignorance of her native culture.

"She means handsome."

"Oh." I nodded. Another lady approached me at the same time. She wasn't as aged or just didn't look it. In fact, she reminded me of an older version of Alexia.

"Hello, Grant. I'm Ramona, Alexia's mother." She took my hands in hers. I knew it.

"Oh. It's nice to meet you. You're just as beautiful as your daughter." Alexia smiled at the compliment.

"Smooth talker, are you? Alexia, I think I like this one." We all chuckled as Alexia nodded.

"I do too."

As time passed the women introduced me to multiple traditional foods like Pao de quijo baked cheese bread, feijoada black bean stew, and Bauru beef sandwiches.

"So, Grant," Aunt Ruth started, "what baby names have you thought about?" I shook my head.

"I have absolutely no idea. My main thought is that the baby is healthy and well cared for." The women all awed.

"Hmmm. Finally, we have found a man who knows how to provide. If I were in my younger day's Bonito you would be all mine," one of them said.

Everyone burst out laughing. I eased back on the couch and watched the women mingle around while Alexia sat right beside me. Uneasy about the entire friendly atmosphere I thought it was time to ask her a few questions.

"They seem to really like me," She laughed.

"And you thought that they wouldn't?"

"Well given the fact that I'm still married and that we had an affair that resulted in you getting pregnant...that doesn't really warm people's hearts... especially not women."

She hung her head down and looked away for a minute. "They don't know." She looked back up at me, "They only know what I've told them." I nodded reading her like a book.

"And what have you told them?"

"That we are two adults that are committed to raising this baby."

"That's it?" I asked suspiciously.

She nodded. "That's it."

For some reason, I found that hard to believe.

***

Lucy

"So, are you sure I don't need to come get you?" Meg asked me again for what felt like the fifth time during our thirty-minute conversation.

Chuckling to myself over her concern I simply shook my head. "No girl, I'm ok. It's actually pretty relaxing being away for a while. Gives me time to figure some things out."

"You mean figure out your marriage?" I went silent for a moment not sure as to how to answer her. Although I had been heavily contemplating our marriage since our stay, I couldn't really say we were working things out more like avoiding the topic of discussion. Yet in still, we were here together and I couldn't deny I was happy.

"Look Meg, I have to go. Check back in with me a little later and let me know how things at work are going."

I could hear a slight giggle in her voice as she responded, "Ok Miss Thing, I can take a hint, but you hurry on up with this little vacation of yours. Although you're hurt, Gabriella has a business to run and wants you back as soon as possible."

"Of course, she does. I will talk to you later girl. Thanks for checking in, bye." Placing the phone down on its receiver my eyes darted to the wall clock on the left. It was getting later by the minute, but Grant had still not arrived back yet. Where the hell was he? He still seemed surprised that I was willing to overcome my anger and work with him on getting better. Honestly, I was still surprised myself or maybe I was tired of fighting. I didn't want to give him any inclination that we were getting back together, although we had some close calls over the past week. Seeing that he was helping dress and bath me, it was understandable. There were times when his hands would just linger on my bare skin for a moment and I could feel the heat between us with every touch. Those were the moments that reminded me what I physically missed about him; His large warm body all over mine. I quickly would have to focus on something else to keep from tackling him down to the floor.

After a long day outside I managed to make it into the TV room with Greg's help of course. He lay beside me watching cartoons and he started to rub his eyes.

"Sleepy honey?" I asked.

"No Mama, just resting my face." He always said that when he was dog tired. I chuckled.

"Ok." I watched him doze off to sleep and to be honest I was fading in and out too.

I heard footsteps in the doorway and that woke me up.

"Grant, where have you been? You have been gone for hours." He came in breathing a little heavy like he had been running all over the place. He also was wearing different clothes.

"Were you wearing that outfit when you left?" I asked. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat that was up to something.

"Actually, I've been home for an hour setting some things up for you." I was confused.

"You have? What have you been setting up?" He hushed me as he came closer.

"Just let me put Greg to bed and I'll show you." He came over and grabbed Greg and took him to his room. _What in the world was he doing out there all this time? I didn't even hear him._

My heart was pounding for some reason; I didn't know what Grant had in store. I felt his hand touch my shoulder and I turned around to look at him.

"Let's go." Grant pulled me up and held me in his arms and we walked to the patio.

"Now keep your eyes closed 'till I say otherwise," he commanded. I did what I was told. Shivers were running down my spine in anticipation.

"Ok baby, look." I opened my eyes and was stunned.

"Oh my God." Grant was smiling like crazy.

"Do you like it?" There were Tiki torches all around the place. White sand filled the majority of the backyard and ocean music played in the background. Grant placed pineapple cupped drinks in front of me beside a tray of different fruits.

"So, what does this remind you of, baby?" He asked already knowing my answer. I looked around the place at all the familiarity and wanted to cry.

"Where we spent our first anniversary. Malibu." He kissed me on the cheek.

"Correct. I've been setting this up for a while now. Since today is the day." I froze and instantly knew what he was talking about. March twenty-first, our wedding day.

"Look baby, I know we've been going through a hard time, but I wanted to do something so special for you to show you that I love you. This day means a lot to me and I just wanted to show you." He Just stared at out at the work and then looked to me and was puzzled due to the horrified expression on my face.

"Lucy, what's wrong? You don't like it?" I couldn't be here. Not here, not with him.

"I want to go back upstairs," I whispered in a voice so low and full of pain. Grant looked hurt.

"What? Why?" I shook my head.

"I can't be here. I want to go back now." I struggled to get up.

"Ok, ok, ok. I'll help you," Grant finally complied. I needed to get out of there because I felt like I was going to lose it if I stayed a second longer. We made our way up to my bedroom. Grant sat me on the bed and stared at me in frustration.

"So, what the hell was that about?" he asked roughly. I shook my head not wanting to talk to him anymore.

"Nothing. I'm going to bed."

"No, you're not. Not until you tell me why you freaked out like that." I buried my face into my hands hoping he would take the hint and disappear, "Lucy I'm talking to you."

"Stop! Ok, stop! I don't have to explain a damn thing to you ok."

He leaned back against the wall, eyes filling with anger at the situation. "I don't know why I even waste my time."

I was not in the mood for his slick ass comments. "Yeah, I don't know either. I don't know why you set that whole thing up. I don't know why you brought me all the way out here. I don't know why I'm so angry all the damn time. I don't know you slept with that bitch!" I was crying hysterically at this point, unable to control it any longer. "I don't know anything anymore, but what I do know is that I don't want to be here. Not with you, so just go. Just go!" I was crying so hard I was shaking but I couldn't stop, I was choking on my own sobs. I felt Grant kneel down in front of me and pull my hands into his. I snatched them away.

"No. I'm not doing this with you. This is your fault. Do you realize that? We would be happy and this day would have been perfect. We would have been happy if it wasn't for you!" I yelled, fist pounding his chest and meaning every word of it. He brought my face to his and kissed my lips. I couldn't deny I loved the feel of his mouth on mine but I pulled away.

"No, I can't..." He pulled me back down to him and I couldn't move. I didn't want to. You never know how much you miss someone until they're right in front of you. Grant pulled us both up into the middle of the bed and kept his lips firmly pressed to mine. I couldn't believe the eruption that was building up inside of me just from a kiss. He broke his mouth away from mine even though I tried to keep him down.

"Grant," I whispered. He silenced me. Grant stared at me for the longest time before slowly stripping away my clothes until he had me naked. My bruises were still noticeable but fading. I wasn't self-conscious about my body until that exact moment.

"Does it bother you?" I faintly asked him. He looked at me with sorrowful eyes and brought his face down and kissed every sore spot. I laid back and cried not because I was ashamed but because I missed his touch so badly. It was like I needed to have it. Grant kissed my stomach, my chest, and my neck. He lay on top of me gently and I held him there for the longest. I started pulling at his shirt until I slipped it off; I traced his face with my fingers.

"I love you." Once again, those words that evoked so much power slipped from my lips. He kissed each of my fingers as I held them to his face and brought those sweet lips back down to me. I needed him more than ever tonight; I didn't care if it was right, wrong, or indifferent. I needed him to mend my broken heart even if it was only for one night.

***

Grant

I woke up at the crack of dawn and watched the sunrise. I felt Lucy moving around on my chest so I knew she wasn't asleep either-too much on our minds. As we lay there naked in bed together deciding what the fate of our marriage was going to be, we couldn't help but enjoy the warmth of our bodies together even if it was just for the moment.

"Lucy," I finally spoke. She exhaled and nuzzled closer on to me.

"I'm awake."

"You know I don't expect anything from you right?" She looked up at me to get a better understanding of what I was trying to say.

"What?" I sat up with her so I could look into her face and let her know how serious I was.

"I don't expect anything from you. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you to get back together." Lucy stayed silent to make sure she took everything that I said in, "Now do I love you and do I want us to be together? Yes, but I don't expect miracles overnight and I'm not asking for them. All I ask is that you be here. With me. That's all I want now." She reached up and kissed my lips and lay back down. We just stayed relishing in the aftermath of our lovemaking not wanting to let go. We didn't know where this thing was going, but we were glad to be along for the ride.

# Chapter Twenty-Five

Can't run away

Lucy

As time passed I got better and was able to get around on my own. Grant and I continued just taking it day by day. Some days were full of laughter, board games, and love. Other days were filled with questions as to what to do, where to go and why. I tried not to push anything that would initiate a fight but that was hard to avoid given the situation. To be honest I didn't want to fight. I wanted us to get along, I wanted to be loved and appreciated just as before, but things were not as before _. "You can deny the truth but can't ignore the signs."_ That's what my grandmother used to say and there were signs appearing everywhere to me. I must admit I didn't catch it at first, but after a while it became clear. Every time his phone would ring or he would get up and disappear for hours at a time then claim he wanted to surprise me with some gift I knew the real deal. I was able to get up myself and make breakfast this morning. It gave me a sense of achievement to be able to do it again since the accident. Grant informed me that he would have to be out early today and I could only guess as to why. I placed the filled plates on the kitchen table and called the boys down to eat.

"Mama this looks good," Greg praised. He was still in his pajamas.

"It sure is baby and homemade for a change," I joked with him.

"I heard that." Grant came strolling down the stairs. He was dressed very nice in a white long sleeve shirt, jeans, and his signature Timberlands. He placed a big kiss on my lips and sat down with a plate.

"You look nice. Where are you going?" I asked innocently. He looked at me confused.

"I told you, baby, I got to help out at the job today." I nodded.

"Oh. I forgot." _No, I didn't_. I continued my line of questioning, "So uh...When do you plan on coming back?" He shook his head while wolfing down some more pancakes.

"I really can't tell you, but I'll be back soon as possible. Unless you can't handle being on your own because I can set something up if-"

"No- no I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" I nodded.

"I'll be fine." Grant finished his plate and put his dish in the sink.

"I promise I'll come back as soon as possible ok?" I nodded and kissed him goodbye. He patted Greg on the head as he grabbed his keys.

"Alright boy, take care of your mother for me." Greg nodded while chewing on some sausages.

"Ok Daddy, I got it." I watched Grant as he left.

I stood in the kitchen alone and it became clear that all the hard work he put into healing my wounds were all in vain. As he left for the day my wounds seemed to have been reopening again.

***

Grant

I made my way up the hall to the fourth room on the right. She was already sleeping and I debated waking her up to let her know I was there. There was an IV nearby and I figured they must've sedated her. While Alexia's mother and family waited in the lobby I took a seat next to her in the room.

"I thought you would get here soon," she whispered to me with her eyes still closed. I took a deep breath to shake off my nerves and grabbed her hand.

"I couldn't miss this day." She smiled that sweet smile that got me every time.

"The pain has stopped, but I fear the worst is yet to come." Alexia readjusted in the small bed. It had been a long time coming but the baby was about to arrive. I shuddered for weeks about how I was going to pull this off. The thought of telling Lucy the truth was too unbearable. We never even spoke about Alexia or the baby. To Lucy, in her world, it was like they didn't even exist, but as for me, they did. I always knew we would have to come to terms with the situation one way or the other if we were going to continue in our marriage. I figured let me just get through this day before we even go there. Doctor Cramer joined us in the room preparing herself with gloves.

"Well Ms. Cruz it looks like your baby is ready to meet you," she said as she and other nurses prepared themselves.

"Thank God. It's getting crowded in there," Alexia said touching her belly. I gulped in anticipation and relief. At least this time I wasn't delivering the kid.

"Well let's get started then." Doctor Cramer and the other nurses went down to the foot of the hospital bed while I stayed close to Alexia's side. I had seen enough birth canals to last me a lifetime.

As they positioned her legs we both took deep breaths and prepared ourselves for our child to make its journey into the world.

"Ok. Push," Doctor Cramer directed. Alexia strained with all her might as the baby slowly made its way out. After three pushes, we weren't even halfway done. This was the most difficult birthing I had ever seen. Alexia seemed exhausted and in serious pain. I held her hand tightly and prayed for it to be over soon. As our baby boy made his way into the world we were all ecstatic. At eight pounds and six ounces, Gage Mikael Smith was born. He was such a beautiful baby and I couldn't stop the tears in my eyes. Alexia saw me crying and unexpectedly brought her lips to mine. It was passionate and sweet like always and yet dangerous. I pulled away from her slowly not wanting to give her the wrong impression but I feared it was too late. The nurse brought our new baby boy to us to hold.

"Isn't he beautiful Grant?" Alexia asked completely out of breath.

"Yeah." I nodded.

Gage cried a little but soon calmed down when he was placed on his mother's chest. I was surprised to see him open his little eyes. It made my heart stop when my newborn son and I made eye contact.

"Let me hold him?" I asked. Alexia saw the excited look on my face and gladly handed our baby over to me.

I cradled the small child in my arms and couldn't hide the joy I felt. He instantly clung to me like he was already used to doing so like he knew I was his father.

"Yeah...he is amazing." I gave Gage back to Alexia and leaned over them both while they lay together in the hospital bed. As we looked down at our precious angel we both knew the love we felt for him, but only I knew the pain of the result of having him was going to cause.

***

Lucy

It was about a quarter to six before Grant came home. Greg and Sparks sat in the TV room while I stayed in the kitchen and sipped on some coffee. I cried mostly throughout the day because I knew what had to happen as soon as Grant came home. There was no avoiding this conversation and I no longer desired to. He found me in the kitchen, quickly peeped my vibe, and sat across from me. He looked tired and seemed stressed.

"How was your day?" I asked. Grant leaned back in the chair and started rocking back and forth.

"It was good...it was good." I nodded and sipped some more of my coffee. I was tired of avoiding the obvious so pushed the conversation further.

"Anything particularly good happen?" Grant stared straight ahead not looking my way.

"After work, I ran by Frank's house for a minute, his dog had puppies." He was smiling and his face lit up when he said that.

"They were cute."

I stiffened at that and everything in the room disappeared except for me and him. He had no idea how bad it was hurting me, but I didn't let up, I just came right out asked, "Is it a boy or girl?"

Grant instantly stopped the chair from rocking but still refused to look at me. He then closed his eyes for a moment before answering, "It's a boy."

I placed my coffee cup down sloppily spilling it on the table because my I was shaking all over. I chuckled even though nothing was funny. I had to- to keep from crying. I refused to break down, not now, and not ever again. I looked at him as sincerely as possible, not wanting to fight, not wanting to cry, or anything. I just really wanted him to hear where I was coming from.

"Grant look at me." He turned his head slightly to me. "We can't keep doing this. We can't keep pretending like our problems don't exist. I knew exactly where you were going to today." Grant dropped his head in shame.

_Did he really think he could hide this from me?_ "I know where you have been going and I could have made up every excuse in the world to keep you here, but I didn't because I knew it would be wrong. Hell, this whole situation is wrong." I smoothed my hair back trying to calm down. Grant took a deep breath before finally speaking.

"I brought you here because I thought that if I...if I took you away from all the drama that we could be happy again." Tears slid down my face unwillingly. It was true. We were happy for a while. As long as I forgot, as long as I pretended I didn't know he had a child with another woman.

"We were happy because we didn't talk about it, because we were away from it, away from her...him." I reached for his hand, he gave it to me, and I kissed his smooth skin.

"I love you very much do you know that? I do love you, but I can't play pretend anymore." Grant looked away from me. I could tell he was fighting tears something I hadn't seen in a while. "I don't know where we stand. I don't know if we can overcome this, but I do know that this is something that I need to figure out for myself. I need to come to that decision alone." I was begging and pleading with him to understand. He nodded but I could tell he was still resistant.

He said, "I know you have to do what you have to do. I just fear if I let you go, you won't come back." It looked so hard for him to say. I reached out to comfort him, but he pulled away from me. Grant stood in the doorway of the kitchen with his back turned.

"We will go back to the city first thing in the morning. I love you." I wiped my face and straightened my robe convincing myself that I was doing the right thing but my heart was breaking all over again. I struggled to stand and make it into the living room. I walked outside in my robe to the patio doors and headed for the gardens; although it started to drizzle a little I didn't want to go back inside. I stared at the blue jasmine flowers growing along the vines. With the grey skies and dripping rain, the beautiful flowers appeared as if they were glowing. I reached out and touched their softness as if they could give me solace _. I need to get through this God, even if I have to walk alone. I need to believe I can make through._

# Chapter Twenty-Six

Make a decision

Grant

"He's making spit bubbles at me," I laughed as I held Gage in my arms.

He was getting bigger by the minute and before I knew it he would be in college. It had been some time since Lucy and I returned to the city and I was trying to get a grip on my life as best I could. I was back to work full time hanging with the fellas, and spending some time with my boy, both my boys. Gage wasn't as fussy as Greg was but was definitely messier.

"This is the third shirt I've worn today." Alexia came into the room and eyed use playing.

"That's why you are supposed to put the towel on your shoulder when you're holding him. It's throw up proof." She cocked an attitude with me playfully.

"Well excuse me for not being an expert at this like you are." I smiled while still eying my son.

"Don't beat yourself up about it, not everybody is this talented with babies." She sat beside us on the couch and admired our father and son bonding.

"He really likes you," I smirked at her playfully.

"He should, I'm his father."

There was no denying it, especially after the recent paternity test that ultimately confirmed everything I had already knew. This was my son and I was going to be in his life no matter what. Gage had gotten a little bigger since I last saw him. He had deep tanned skin, brownish colored hair, and a cute button nose.

"My son is so adorable. You're going to be a heartbreaker, kid."

"He's got it honest." Alexia smiled at me. I could tell she wanted to say something else so I sat back and waited.

"Thank you for being there for him and me," she finally got out. I looked at her puzzled.

"I always told you that I'd be there for you two." She nodded.

"I know but a lot of men in your situation would have walked out and never looked back. Instead, you chose to stick around and I really appreciate it, Grant." I looked at her and those once tempting eyes looked very sincere.

"You don't have to thank me. I'm doing my job." She was right; I could have easily denied her and my son. But I wasn't that type of man and I wasn't going to be. I was never going to do to my children what my parents did to me. I leaned back on the couch; Gage was falling asleep.

"I can't tell you this isn't difficult for me, but I promised you I'd be here and I'm going to honor that." I stared at her sternly so she would know I was serious.

Alexia nodded. "I know...I know."

"But I need to make something clear. I am very much in love with my wife and even though we're going through some rough times right now, I still believe we have a chance." Her slight smile faded as I continued, "I know you have feelings for me and I would be lying if I said I don't have feelings for you, but I can't make you believe that there is a future for us when there isn't." I was being as honest as possible without trying to upset her, but some things just needed to be said regardless of the result.

Alexia sighed and looked at me as if she were searching for some type of hope for us in my eyes and when she couldn't find any, she admitted defeat. She kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder. I couldn't deny the family vibe that I felt reminded me so much of Lucy, Greg and me. I tilted my head back and sighed. I wish I had a clue as to where my life was heading, but all the answers remained up above and I had no choice but to take it day by day.

***

Lucy

"So the party was fabulous honey. Let me tell you. There were so many designers there, it was crazy." I listened to Meg go on about the annual Elite party. It took a minute for me to get back into the swing of things at work, especially with so much on my mind. I constantly thought about Grant and the time we spent away. My dad was happier than ever to know we were home and away from Grant. " _Lucy, I say you press charges. This was kidnapping to the fullest extent," he fussed._

" _Stop it,"_ was all I could muster _._ I didn't want to hear his fussing. I was going to come to a decision about my marriage and I definitely was not going to get any encouragement from my father. There were so many things I missed while being gone and now that I was back I didn't know if I cared about any of it anymore.

"Gabrielle was very impressed with the designs, diva," Catherine spoke before throwing a glance Meg's way smiling at her achievement.

"Well, that's all credit to the designers. I just gave the idea," Meg concurred as she laughed.

"Oh, you modest Mandy." Destiny rolled her eyes before countering her. Destiny turned toward me with seriousness all over her expression, "So what happened with Grant, Lucy?" I took a sip of wine while pretending to look confused.

"With what?" She gave me the ' _girl you know what I'm talking about'_ look _._ I took a deep breath as I began to dish.

"We talked. Something we haven't done in a long time. For the most part, it was a good experience it made us realize some things I don't think we would have being in the city." Alayah and Catherine sucked their teeth, but Destiny and Megan nodded.

"I feel you. It's good you two were able to come to an understanding. So, did y'all bone?" Meg asked curiously, I nearly spit out all of my white wine.

"Really? Is that all you think we did?"

"Aha!" Alayah said, pointing a finger at me. "So you admit y'all did it." I had to laugh to keep from choking the girl. Cat shook her head.

"Well, girl, I don't blame you. I know his fine ass was going to wear you down sooner or later." We all were tripping out and I had to admit I was having fun.

"I can't stand y'all. Listen, whatever happened on said trip stays on said trip," I said sternly.

Destiny chimed in, "Scratch all that. So, what happens now?" They all tuned in for my answer.

I took a sip of wine again and a deep breath. "I am going to do some soul searching and if I come to a decision about my marriage you will know." They all rolled their eyes and sighed.

"Look, ladies, this decision is not going to come lightly. I need to know what I am doing is right before I throw away seventeen years of hard work," I preached.

Megan touched my hand before speaking again, "Lucy, we all know this isn't going to be easy, and deep down only you know what you want to do. We just want you to weigh out all your options."

"Yeah, Luce. Know what you're getting into when you make this decision." Alayah's gaze sat on me as she entered the conversation. "I just hope whatever decision you come to is the right decision for not only you but your son as well." They all nodded.

I thought about everything that they were saying. This decision is going to affect me for the rest of my life. It has to be the right one.

***

I sat in the back of the church and listened as the lead singer of the mass choir sang a rendition of Fred Hammond's _No Weapon_. It sounded so beautiful and was exactly what I needed to hear. I enjoyed the sweet sound as their voices soothed my soul.

"Yes...Yes," Pastor Wallace said as he approached the mic, "the song says no weapon formed against me shall prosper. How many of you believe that tonight, huh? Let me see you wave your hand." The crowd praised loudly. "See when you believe that God is in control, the things of the world can't harm you. When you believe God is Almighty, your little everyday problems become smaller and smaller." The entire crowd was all yes and amen. "You see Satan, is against peace and happiness for us, brothers and sisters, so he will throw up stumbling blocks in our way to see when the going gets rough can we still stand."

"Yes!" the crowd cheered.

"Brothers and sisters, I'm here to tell you today that whatever you are going through no matter how bad it is, no matter the circumstance, God is in the midst. Even if you can't see no way out, you don't know where to go or who turn to, he's right there holding your hand, ready to see you through."

"Hallelujah. Amen, preach, Pastor," the crowd yelled. I clung to every word he said and let him speak to my spirit.

"And I know you're tired, you're hurt, you're angry, you're stressed but if you just lean on him...I know he will make a way out of no way. You don't want to give up on your blessings. You don't want to do it because no man has seen nor heard the things that the Lord has for them that love him amen?" Everyone stood up and clapped as Pastor Wallace ended his message and as the crowd left I stayed behind.

"Sister Smith, is that you?" The pastor spotted me in the last pew. "It has been a while since I've seen you here." I nodded as Pastor Wallace took a seat beside me.

"Pastor, I need your help." He nodded.

"Well sister, I'm all ears speak your mind."

"I want to stay with my husband, but I don't know if I can. With him and this baby...I don't think my heart can take it," I confessed everything to the pastor hoping he could lead me to the right place. Pastor Wallace patted my shoulder.

"Sister, the Lord never puts more on you than you can bear. Now this situation of yours ain't easy and won't get any easier. You have to decide for yourself if your marriage worth saving." I exhaled and looked him straight in the eye.

"That's the thing, Pastor. I don't know... it just seems so easy to leave."

"Well, one thing I know, sister, is that marriage is hard and grueling work but the end reward is something to look forward to. You two have reached the bottom of the barrel but that means there is nowhere else to go but up. You can't make your mind do what your hearts don't want to. This is where you decide if your marriage is worth fighting for. For better or for worse." 

# Chapter Twenty-Seven

For Better or For Worse

Grant

It was spring in New York and outdoors was beautiful. The parks were filled with picnics, and lovers enjoying each other. I walked through Central Park and watched the wind blow leaves and flowers through the air. It was the first time in a while I'd taken some time to myself. The past year was one of the most difficult of my life. I'd endured a lot of pain, and I'd caused a lot of pain. It was a blessing I was still standing. My marriage was still in limbo with no chance of getting better; I was tired of hoping and praying that things would take a turn. I could apologize for a lot of things, but I couldn't apologize for Gage being born. I had to face some hard facts about my marriage. That maybe I may end up alone if Lucy couldn't forgive me and except Gage as my son. If not, then there was no way we could move forward, even if it did break my heart. There was a slight chill in the air; I wrapped my dark coat around me and found an empty bench. I took a deep breath and smiled at all the love in the air, but I wished I had some love of my own.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard a familiar voice that made my heart stop. Clearly, I thought I was imagining things, but when I looked up she was as real as could get. She stood no taller than 5'4", with pretty dark brown skin, and that curly midnight hair.

"Please, have a seat." I motioned for Lucy to sit down. She looked beautiful in her mint green coat.

"It's a nice day out, huh?" She flashed a smile at me and I refused to take my eyes off of her.

"Yeah, it's one for the books. How have you been?"

"Good. I've been good. But I could be better?" My heart was beating out of my chest I couldn't bear the anticipation any longer.

"I miss you," she said the words I have been dying to hear for so long and they sounded sweeter than I could have imagined.

"Grant, I have been trying to move forward with my life and I just can't. I want to be with you. I want us to be-"

I cut her off and covered her lips swirling my tongue inside of that beautiful mouth of hers. I held her so tight you would have thought we were one. It was beautiful, it was passionate, it was real love. After what felt like hours I released my grip on her and let us both breathe. I was so excited. It was what I had been waiting for, but before we went any further there were some things I needed to know. I pulled her face up to mine to have her full attention.

"Lucy, I want you. I want this, but I need to know- I need to know that you are willing to forgive me and accept...accept the fact that I have a son with someone else. Can you do that baby? Can you?" She eased away from me and looked down. I tensed hoping that she wouldn't say what I thought she was going to say. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Grant, I love you, and I am willing to make this work. However, I can't promise you anything right now other than I am willing to try." I took a good hard look at her. I saw how hard it was for her to say that and saw the sincerity in her eyes.

"That's good enough for me," I nodded, "That's good enough for me." I took hold to her mouth once again not caring that we were getting hot and heavy in a public place.

"Grant, baby, we can't do this here," she said, struggling to pull away from me. I eased off.

"You're right. My car is somewhere around here let's go find it." We laughed at my eagerness and walked hand in hand together. We had no care for tomorrow, but we thanked God for today. 

# Epilogue

_Alexia_

I hummed to my son putting him to sleep and placed him in his crib. The stress of having a child was nowhere near as stressful as trying to win the man you love. This past year I did things to keep my man that I may burn in hell for later, but I was willing to endure anything to keep Grant Smith in my bed. I knew from the moment -the exact moment I walked into the Good and Weldness Corporation building and saw him staring at me from the corner of my eye that there was something different about him. Aside from being as handsome as sin, Grant was also extremely brilliant. The corporate bosses Marshall and Gillman filled me in on everything about their attention-getting employee that I would soon be working with. They told me how much of an asset he was to the company and how they saw big things happening in his future. Little did I know I was standing not that far across from him as we talked in the office.

I wasted no time introducing myself to the man that I was going to be working so close to for the next few months. Grant took my hand into his and plastered a huge smile on his gorgeous face as we conversed. Even in our brief meeting, I wanted to melt like silly putty in awe of him. The more time we spent together the fonder I became of him until I fell completely head over heels in love. I knew I had to have him; the fact that he was married was nothing more than a minor setback for me. Just because he had a wife didn't mean he couldn't be persuaded. It happens all the time.

Men foolishly marry the wrong women, become miserable and desperate, until they come across the right woman they were meant to be with. The same thing happened to my father as he fell into the arms of another woman. They were meant to be was what I kept telling myself as a little girl. Watching him as he packed his bags and walked out of our rural house in Sao Paulo, Brazil never looking back- it was meant to be. My mother obviously was not the one for him. She made him miserable, so she must not have been a good wife. Yeah...that's why he left. From that day on I vowed never to become like her. She was alone, miserable, once having the man of her dreams and now having nothing. I strived to be smarter, classier, and more beautiful than she so there would be no reason why I would be alone.

After a series of failed relationships, I was beginning to lose all hope until that day we saw one another. Grant and I coming into each other's lives was no accident. It was fate. We were meant to be. I was willing to do anything to make that happen. I remember slipping away from the nurses when I saw Lucy heading for the exit stairwell. She looked so pitiful and weak. No wonder Grant wanted me. I figured a little push would make all my problems go away. One little push could get me the man that I loved forever, and it almost happened that way. I shook my head at the thought. That bitch was supposed to be dead. I looked at my little boy. He was my last chance at keeping Grant. Grant hardly ever thought to use a condom when we were intimate, so when I missed a pill or two occasionally, I knew it was a matter of time before I became pregnant with his child. He wanted to run at first, but he couldn't deny his seed growing in my belly. And to think, he still saw a future with his wife. How foolish. She was never going to be able to handle my son being a permanent part of Grant's life, no matter how much she fooled herself into believing she could. I was going to make damn sure Gage and I were a known presence in that bitch's life. I wrapped my robe tightly around my body and chuckled to myself. Lucy doesn't realize what I have in store for her yet, but it's coming and it's going to be big.

# To Be Continued

# About the Author

D. T. Williams took a strong liking to books at a very young age and has maintained that same passion as an adult. Reading a plethora of authors and genres was an indulgence that inspired her to create her own work. Though her writing journey would come years after her desire was kindled, beginning with poetry and short stories, her debut novel was finally born. She hopes that her readers are inspired by her love to entertain by way of storytelling. D.T. Williams is currently furthering her education in hopes of growing in the skill of writing and creativity and invites readers to join her on the journey.

