 
### What People Are Saying About Love Square

"Love Square is a sexy read about betrayal, heartbreak, finding forgiveness and falling in love again. I was glued to this story!"

\-- Autumn Hull, The Autumn Review

"This story will take you to a place you never thought you wanted to go. Jessica Ingro's writing is a slap of cold harsh reality and it's not one I will forget."

\-- Emily Smith, The SubClub Book Blog

"Love Square is the perfect triangle of angst with the plot taking a turn to add another corner. I am an angst lover and Love Square certainly did not disappoint."

\-- Jennifer Hagen, Three Chicks & Their Books Blog

"No doubt, this story is explosively hot, Hot, HOT! You don't have to agree with Sam's decisions, or make this into some controversial book. It is pure fantasy. Take this book and live VICARIOUSLY through it."

\-- Kayla Robichaux, aka Kayla the Bibliphile

"Love Square is not your typical Bodice Ripper Beach Read. Jessica Ingro breaks all the rules of writing romance novels. And writing a novel people will be talking about? She falls out of that tree and hits every branch on the way down. Every. Branch."

\-- Beth Rustenhaven, The Indie Bookshelf

## Love Square

By

Jessica Ingro

## LOVE SQUARE

Published by Jessica Ingro

Copyright © 2013 Jessica Ingro

Cover design © Arijana Karčić, Cover It! Designs

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, store in or introduced into retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is no authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
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## Dedication

To all the women out there trying to find themselves... this is for you.

## Prologue

Life is messy and complicated. What we grow up thinking of as black and white is anything but. Gray areas are everywhere. No one knows this better than me.

The thing about gray areas, though, is you have to know how to best navigate them and stay true to yourself while doing it. Being happy and being able to look yourself in the mirror while doing it is a delicate balance. I used to believe it didn't matter who got hurt in my pursuit of happiness – I owed it to myself to be who I wanted to be and to do what I wanted to do. Isn't that what life is really all about?

I didn't think about the repercussions of my actions on others. I just wanted to live my life as I saw fit. I didn't want to play the role that society handed down to me – career driven, dutiful family member and wife, and ultimately mother. I woke up miserable and feeling like I had wasted too much time doing what everyone expected of me. To put it mildly, I was in a funk.

I allowed my life to be ruled by temptation and succumbed to the dark allure of my forbidden desires. I allowed the love I once had for a beautiful boy to almost destroy everything that I held dear. When he found me I was lost and insecure. I clung to the hope that maybe he could save me from my inner turmoil, instead of looking inside myself for the answers.

In the end, I was in over my head and needed a harsh dose of reality to show me what was really important. Luckily for me, I had great people around to help pick me back up. People who truly care about you will always be there for you, even when you hit rock bottom.

If there is one thing you should take away from this story, it's to follow your heart and never look to anyone else to make you happy. It wasn't until I realized that life is what I make of it and that I have the power to change things, that I discovered how great life could really be.

This is my story and just like life, it's messy and complicated.

## Chapter One

The lights shine brightly in the windows across the city. Hundreds of people still at work – living their lives day in and day out – many of them trying to get the most out of life. Sometimes I like to fantasize about what it would be like to be that person down on the street, heading home after working in an office all day. That woman over there – I wonder if she's happy, if she's successful, if she's loved, or where she lives... things of that nature. I stare out the window lost in these thoughts while my best friend Michelle regales me with her latest sexual conquest. Trying to keep up with her love life is like living with perpetual whiplash.

Michelle is five feet four inches of pure gorgeousness. Her shoulder-length blond hair, light green eyes and perfectly symmetrical face garners her a lot of attention. Oh and did I mention she has the body of a fifties pin up model? She is the complete opposite of me with my long, wavy mahogany hair and brown eyes. I'm a few inches taller than her, my ass is a little too big and my breasts aren't small, but they aren't as big as hers either. I know I'm good looking – otherwise I wouldn't get hit on all the time – but I'm no Michelle.

I'm not really sure why she hasn't found "The One" yet, but I know she'll stop at nothing until she does. Why is it that married people wish they could live it up like single people, while single people are so desperate to be married? I guess it's the typical cliché that the grass is always greener.

"So after he licked the chocolate sauce off my toes, he..."

"Please Michelle... stop right there! My ears are going to bleed if I have to hear any more stories of chocolate sauce and toes!" I turn back from the window and snap at her.

"What crawled up your ass today? You've been cranky and rude all afternoon. Are things still shitty between you and Aiden?" Her face is scrunched up in annoyance at my outburst.

"Of course they are, but that doesn't mean I feel like talking about it," I sigh. I know she loves me but I don't really feel like rehashing mine and my husband's problems.

"Look, Sam. I'm here for you, always. I'm just not sure I understand why you don't want to have kids. You two have been together for ten years. Aiden worships you and would do most of the work; he's almost desperate to have them. And please don't get all defensive on me, I know you need to be ready too, but I thought you were."

Leave it to Michelle to be the voice of reason and make me feel worse than I already do.

"I thought I was too, Michelle. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and after almost three years of trying and nothing happening, I have to believe there is a reason. I just feel like everyone is pushing me in that direction because it's the next logical step. What kind of mother would I be if I let him do all the work? I'll tell you what kind... not a very good one. And I do not want to end up anything like my mother. You saw how completely selfish she was when we were growing up. I just can't put a child through any of that."

"You are not your mother. And I'm sick of you using that as an excuse. Your life is whatever you make out of it. I just want to see you both happy. I think Aiden is good for you, I always have. He doesn't put up with your shit, but still treats you like a queen." She grabs my hand and her eyes show how sincere she is when she adds, "I just want to see you happy again."

Tears start to build behind my eyes. My throat burns trying to keep them at bay. "Thanks. I do too. And I'm sure the cold war that is the Parker house will come to an end soon. He just needs to understand where I'm coming from and give me more time."

"Yeah, but in the meantime, you two aren't doing the deed anymore and that just isn't healthy in a relationship. Are you at least taking care of yourself? I gave you that silver bullet on your birthday for a reason you know." She waggles her brows suggestively in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Please do not go there. We are so not talking about this again." I groan while covering my eyes. This is so embarrassing. Sure I'd like to have an orgasm that wasn't self-induced. The last six months of being at a stalemate with Aiden is really starting to wear on me. And the longer it goes on, the worse our communication seems to be getting. Yet, neither one of us is willing to break the cycle.

I stand up and grab my purse, before turning to her and saying, "For as much fun as this is, I better get going. Hugo needs a walk and I'm sure Aiden is going to want dinner when he gets home. I'll call you tomorrow after the book signing."

"Alright, just think about what I said, okay? You two are so great together and I really don't want to see the last ten years of your life become wasted." She wraps her arms around me and I soak up as much of her comfort as I can before heading home.

*****

I really don't want to see the last ten years of your life become wasted.

Those words echo in my ears as I head to our home in Virginia from Michelle's office in Washington, D.C. I can't get it out of my head because it's exactly what I've been feeling. Maybe the last ten years have actually been wasted by trying to live up to other people's expectations and not focusing on me or sowing my wild oats when I had the chance. That's what most people in their twenties do. Not me though. I fell in love at twenty-one and was completely settled down by twenty-four. Sometimes I see other people around me just getting to the point I was at when I was twenty-four, and I feel like I stepped into my parent's generation of living.

It's so hard to look back on that time and think of it as a mistake though. I was completely enraptured with Aiden from the first moment I saw him. It's like that semi-cheesy 90's song, "I Knew I Loved You." It just felt right. After all we've been through the memories seem even more bittersweet.

I had just gotten to the party my college roommate's boyfriend was having. Across the room there was a game of beer pong going on. Amongst the loud cheers, I saw him. His blue eyes were the color of the ocean and his blond hair was a little long and wavy. He stood at over six feet tall, his body broad and powerfully built. He was clearly winning the game and his laugh was completely infectious.

There was a group of girls hanging on his every word; a few were even hanging on him. They made me want to puke. I didn't know any self-respecting girls who acted like that. It didn't appear as though Mr. Blue Eyes was complaining though. It looked like he was soaking up all the attention.

A couple hours later I was seriously considering bailing on my roommate. If one more loser hit on me, I was going to run from this party as fast as I could. Almost as if I conjured him up, loser number six decided it was a good time to come talk to me.

"Baby, did you fart? Cause you blow me away!" He said and I was assaulted with his stale, hot, beer breath in my face.

_Really?_ I cannot believe he just said that. That was by far the worse pick up line I had ever heard in my lifetime. I really hoped this guy was extremely intoxicated and not that big of a jack ass.

Just as I was about to slap him upside the head, I felt a strong set of hands squeeze my shoulders and a soft kiss land on my temple. Was this a nightmare or was my luck getting worse? I spun around getting ready to unleash my anger on the jerk behind me and immediately froze. It was Mr. Blue Eyes – the beer pong god. His crystal blue eyes were pleading with me, I assumed, to play along. His smile was radiant and for a brief second I felt like a romance novel heroine. We are talking major swoon happening here people. I think all my girly bits sat up and waved at him.

"Hey, sweetheart, I was looking all over for you." His deep voice made my chest vibrate as his arms wrapped around me and held me tightly against him. His soft warm lips touched mine briefly and I felt my body melt into his as the other jerk stormed off in a huff.

Aiden used to say that that one brief taste was all he needed to know that I was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Before that moment, if you had told me that I'd be going home that night with Aiden Parker, quarterback of the University football team and frat boy extraordinaire, I would have laughed at you. But that's exactly what happened.

We stayed up all night talking and laughing – forming an incredible bond with each other. It was the night I fell in love. Aiden in every way felt like my soul mate and we've been together ever since.

Pulling into the driveway, I take a deep breath and wipe away the moisture collecting in the corner of my eyes. We'll get through this, we always do. This time just feels worse than the others, but it's what makes a relationship stronger in the end.

I enter the kitchen through the doorway in the garage and our St. Bernard, Hugo, bounds into the room practically taking me off my feet with his excitement.

"Hey, boy! You glad mommy's home? Huh, baby?" I coo at him while stroking his fur.

His doggy tail whips back and forth and he lets out a big woof in agreement.

After I let him out the back door, I start searching through the fridge for something to make for dinner. The garage door opens and in walks Aiden. He's wearing a blue checkered flannel shirt, faded jeans and work boots. Aiden is all man. His arms, chests, and thighs are thick and well defined, courtesy of years of football and the fact that he is just a solid built man. I have always felt so safe wrapped in his arms.

Judging by the look on his face, though, his latest project at work is giving him another shitty day. His brows are furrowed and his jaw is set hard.

I square my shoulders and decide to test the waters. "Hi. I was just looking for something to make. My meeting in the city ran late so I just got home a few minutes ago. You want to order pizza for delivery instead?"

"Yeah, I guess," he says shortly as he walks out of the room.

Okay. Well he is definitely cranky again. I lean into the counter and bow my head in defeat. It feels like it's a never ending game we're playing.

The rest of the night seems to pass without any further confrontations until it's time to go to bed. Lying in the dark, each of us facing away from each other, it's like there is a million miles between us. He takes a breath like he's getting ready to say something, but then nothing comes. A few minutes pass and he does it again. God I just want to scream, " _Say something already! Please just tell me what is wrong with us!_ " But again... silence.

I'm just starting to fall asleep when he finally makes the decision to say what he's been thinking. Too bad what he is about to say is going to completely wake me up.

"Why didn't you tell me that my sister invited us to dinner on Saturday? You know I don't want to see her asshole husband, yet you went behind my back and told her we'd be there. The last place I want to be is at one of his fucking hoity-toity dinner parties where everyone is a complete snob and I'm forced to listen to bullshit stories about the country club." Contempt drips from his harsh words.

I immediately see red. There is absolutely no reason for him to treat me this way. I haven't done anything wrong and I refuse to be his punching bag right now.

"I told Sharon we would be there because we still haven't seen their new house and your mother was crying about how she wants you guys to get along better. I was trying to help. A few hours of being uncomfortable with Barry and his business associates isn't going to kill you. And to be perfectly honest, I'm sick of being treated like an asshole. Now, goodnight!"

I pound my pillow with my fist and consider getting up to go sleep in the guest room but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm that pissed off right now. I lay there staring at the wall for what feels like forever before sleep finally puts me out of my misery.

*****

The next morning I wake up and find the bed is empty. The house is completely quiet so I'm assuming Aiden has already left for the day. I'm not really surprised. This has become our routine lately, a few hours of awkward silence in the evening and not much other interaction throughout the day.

I shuffle to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. Caffeine is a must after my poor night of sleep.

The kitchen is my favorite room in the house. Not because I like to cook, but because it's coveted by many. It features high-end stainless steel appliances set against white cabinets and a large eat-in island with black soapstone countertops. When we bought the house five years ago, I couldn't wait to renovate the kitchen. It has all the gadgets a girl could possibly want.

I head outside to the back enclosed porch with my cup in hand. Sipping my coffee, my mind goes through everything I have to do today. The most important, is my book signing in Pennsylvania for my recent book. It's the second in a series and my fan base has picked up quickly with its release. Michelle and my publishers have been trying to convince me to go on a book tour. There are numerous author events scheduled throughout the country over the next few months. I'm already booked for a few, including a much anticipated Naughty Mafia event in Las Vegas. That one is sure to be legendary and I'm thrilled that I was invited.

Checking the clock, I realize I've wasted too much time dillydallying and rush off to the shower. I decide to dress comfortable, yet chic, in a brown sweater dress, cream tights and brown knee high boots. I accessorize with big, chunky bracelets and a couple varied lengths of thin necklaces with cream, brown and light pink beads. My hair is down and styled in loose waves that fall to my lower back.

I pack an overnight bag with a couple outfits and pajamas. When I'm ready, I fire off a text to Aiden to remind him where I'm going to be tonight and let Hugo in.

Regardless of my personal turmoil, it's time to psyche myself up and put my game face on. I jump up in my black Tahoe, blast Tom Petty's Greatest Hits and start my almost five hour drive to Pennsylvania.

With "Running Down a Dream" playing and the sun shining, I find myself smiling. Who knows, maybe today will be just the thing I need to relax and take my mind off things.

## Chapter Two

The line of people was endless. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that so many people were interested in meeting me and enjoyed reading the stories I had created. This was what I loved so much about being an author – knowing I was affecting people, even if it was just for the time they were immersed in the world I created. My goal was to make people believe they were a part of the story and could feel what my characters feel. I had read enough books myself to know what a great story could do to a person.

The girl standing in front of me was acting slightly crazy. She had bright pink hair, frizzed out in a ponytail and couldn't contain her excitement. She jumped up and down squealing for what felt like five minutes before finally talking – no scratch that – screaming at me.

" _Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! I can't believe I'm really getting to meet you!_ "

The level of her voice had me mentally cringing, but her enthusiasm was infectious. She had a friend with her who looked slightly more conservative but no less excited. They started dancing around and I just had to jump up and join them for a second. I knew people would think I was losing it, but really, how often do you get the chance to make someone's day? I round the table, grabbing her arms and swaying my hips in time with hers for a minute. I can't stop laughing. Boy did I need this release after dealing with Aiden last night.

As I sit back down in the chair, my eyes catch on the next person in line and my breath freezes in my chest. I think my heart is going to explode out of my chest. It is Jacob Matthews. There is no doubt about it. Time has certainly been his friend and he looks even more beautiful than he did sixteen years before. He was my first real love and my first real heart break.

His dark hair is a little long, giving him a bed head look that totally works on him. He appears more fit than he had been as a teenager, muscles rippled under his tight t-shirt. His green eyes sparkle just as I remembered. He is six foot, three inches of pure sex appeal and still has gorgeous man hands.

I could do this right? Sure. Yes. Totally. I wasn't going to freak out in front of all these people and lose it just because Jacob _freaking_ Matthews was waiting to see me. Nope. Not me!

As he walks up to the table, all eyes are on him. He has such grace in the way that he moves. He is a man who is comfortable in his own skin and owns whatever room he is in. His smile widens and I suddenly feel like a shy sixteen year old seeing him for the first time. There is a definite thrill running through by body at the thought of seeing him again. I can't help but give him a small smile of my own.

"I can't believe it's really you, sweet Sam Monroe. When my sister, Emma, told me about your book and that you'd be here today, I have to admit I was skeptical that it was really you." His cheeks flush a little and it appears as though he's nervous.

"Well, it's technically Sam Parker now. How have you been? It's had to be at least sixteen years, right?" I respond coolly and mentally high-five myself for appearing so calm.

"Oh wow! Parker, huh? Guess you're married now..." He clears his throat and continues, "Of course you're married now. You're even more beautiful than you were back then. Listen, I don't want to hold up the line too much, but are you going to be around for a while? I'd love to grab a drink and catch up."

He hands me the book he's holding and tells me to make it out to Emma. I had never actually met his sister but I know they were close. She was away in college when we dated but he spoke of her constantly.

Here was the moment of truth. Do I go for drinks with him and satisfy my curiosity about what he's been up to or do I politely decline? Ugh, I hate decisions sometimes. Well I guess no harm could come from meeting with him. It was just a drink in a public place. He doesn't have the power to hurt me anymore. I look up and into those green eyes and the decision is made – I am going to go and to hell with the consequences.

"I'll be finished around seven o'clock if you want to get together then. I'm staying in the hotel across the street tonight and they have a pub there," I respond while signing his book. I look up at him through my eyelashes and smile. His fingers brush mine as he takes the book from me. It feels like static shock running up my arms from the contact.

"Sounds great! I'll see you then!" He confirms before gifting me with his gorgeous smile.

As he walks away I can't help but stare at his nice, tight ass. Boy does he fill out those jeans nicely! Some things haven't changed, that was for sure.

The rest of the book signing flew by. I tried to be attentive to my fans but it was so hard when I kept getting sucked into the vortex of my mind. Different scenarios played out in my head of how our conversation would go. Seeing Jacob again brought back a rush of memories from when we were younger. The first time I saw him, I was immediately taken with how beautiful he was and couldn't wait to get to know him better. Now here I am years later... taken with his beauty and wondering how I can get to know him better. I feel like a shy, young, naïve girl all over again.

*****

Sixteen years earlier

Why, after one week of school did _my_ schedule have to get changed? God I hate being the newbie. The person who everyone looks at when they walk into class. The one that the teacher makes a production over just because I wasn't here the very first day. Ugh... could this day suck anymore?

Mrs. Brock is nice enough. But to make matters worse, she puts me at the very front of the class. What are the chances of the only empty seat being smack dab in front? _I can do this, I can do this_. I just have to keep telling myself that. Hopefully my face isn't red with embarrassment. Although it can't be helped, it's been the bane of my existence my whole life.

Just as the bell to start the period rings, in _he_ walks. Holy sex on a stick! I think my heart just stopped. He's so beautiful. How did I not know he existed? The student body isn't exactly small in size, but someone with his looks is sure to have been talked about in my circle of friends at some point. He has dark hair that's almost black, he's easily over six feet tall and has the most gorgeous green eyes I've ever seen. His smile is perfect and showcases straight, white teeth. When he catches a glimpse of me and our eyes meet, my breath stops. Oh my god! Breathe Sam, breathe!

Class is a waste at this point. I can't remember anything the teacher said. The only thing I'm aware of is that he's sitting a few seats back in the next row over. I feel like his gaze is burning a hole through me. Of course that can't be the case. Why would someone as hot as him be watching me? I know I'm what many would call a pretty package, but if someone looks close enough, they'll see the flaws. That's why I try to avoid getting too close to people like him. I can't stand the thought of letting someone in just to have them think I'm not good enough.

The bell rings, signaling the end of class and like an idiot, I drop my pen on the floor and watch as it rolls behind my seat. I stand up to grab it, but the hottie is already there. His long, deft fingers pick up the pen and lord have mercy I want to feel those fingers on my skin. He has the most beautiful hands I've ever seen on a boy. He clears his throat and I realize I'm gaping at him. God, how embarrassing! I can feel the heat rising up my neck and face and suddenly I want to hide.

"Hi, I'm Jacob. I think you dropped this." Even his voice is to die for. Geez is there anything wrong with him or is he really perfection? As I take the pen from him, our fingers brush and I feel a little thrill in my stomach. I have never been this affected by a simple touch. Okay brain, at this point you should start working again or he is really going to think there is something wrong with us.

"Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it." Hmmm... could I sound any less thrilled to be talking to him? Sometimes my dry and sarcastic humor comes out at the worse times.

"So, do you have a name?" His lips twitch like he is trying to hold back his amusement. I have to stop myself from slapping my palm on my forehead. Of course I forgot to introduce myself. What else could go wrong at this point? I'm making a total fool of myself. He's probably wondering why he's even bothering in the first place.

"Um... Sam. My name's Sam. I should really get going before I'm late."

Or before my face can get any more red.

"Well it was nice to meet you, Sam. I look forward to seeing a lot more of you." His smile is lascivious and his eyes twinkle. I feel my panties going up in flames. This boy is H-O-T! All I can think as he walks away is, "Oh boy! Things just got interesting!"

Only twenty-four more hours until I see Jacob again and I can't wait!

*****

As I grab my coat and purse out of the back room of the bookstore, my phone signals I have a text message. It's Aiden asking me how it went. I am surprised he actually cares enough to ask. These days I didn't think he heard anything I was saying but rather thought of me as an adult in Charlie Brown – with the only sounds coming out of my mouth being "mwa mwa mwa mwa".

I quickly text Aiden back that the book signing was spectacular. Dropping my cell phone in my purse, I rush back to my hotel room to change. What does one wear to meet up with an ex-boyfriend? Hmmm... that is a good question. I didn't bring too much extra clothing due to my short stay here in Pennsylvania. Typically, I would have just driven back for the night, but the publishers were footing the bill and I desperately needed space from Aiden.

Grabbing a pair of skinny jeans, a light pink cami and a white crocheted, off the shoulder sweater, I head to the bathroom. I pin my hair up so it won't get wet and jump under the hot spray of the shower. My mind keeps going back to the impending meeting and why the hell I'm even doing it in the first place. I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The angel keeps warning me nothing good could come out of spending time with Jacob while the devil keeps telling me it will be fun to catch up with an old friend and to just go with the flow. I'm sure I'm just over thinking the whole thing. It's just drinks with an old friend. Right?

Rockin' outfit? Check. Subtle make up? Check. Hair down and styled to perfection? Check.

As I head to the elevator, the angel chides me one last time with a "famous last words."

*****

The music in the pub is thumping. I crane my neck around looking to see if Jacob is here yet. I spot him in a booth towards the back. It must be said that he looks just as delectable now as he did a few hours ago. He is just so beautiful – it's really unfair to the rest of mankind for him to be so yummy.

He stands when I get closer and grabs me in a hug. His arms squeeze me so tight, I can do nothing more than hold on. A frisson of awareness creeps into me as I smell his cologne. As he loosens his grip on me, his hands trail down my spine, feather light, sending goose bumps up my arms. A cocky grin plays on his lips letting me know he is aware of the affect he has on me. My back is one of my biggest weaknesses.

He gestures towards the booth so I slide in across from him.

"I wasn't sure what you liked to drink since it's been so long. Let me flag down a waitress," he says with a small smirk.

A tart little waitress sways her hips as she approaches the booth. She is clearly hoping Jacob picks up on her not so subtle eyelash batting and the fact that she keeps sticking her boobs in his face. Women can be so pathetic sometimes. Besides, how does she know we aren't together? That thought angers me and now I'm clearly offended by her audacious behavior.

"What would you like to drink sugar," she purrs at Jacob.

"I'll take another Sam Adams and she'll have..." He looks at me expectantly. The waitress barely spares me a glance.

"I'd like a Bacardi and Diet please," I say as nicely as I can. She doesn't care one way or the other what I have to say so I'm not going to waste my time giving her attitude. It would be totally lost on her. As it is, she barely looks at me as she walks away to get our drinks.

"So, Sam, tell me what you've been up to since high school." Jacob is fidgeting with his empty beer bottle and looks so nervous. I have to bite back a giggle at the thought that he could be nervous of little ole' me.

"Well, I went to Syracuse University in New York. That's where I met my husband. He's an architect. We got married seven years ago and moved to Alexandria, Virginia a couple years later when he got a job there. I've been spending my time since college writing. A couple years ago, I decided to try self-publishing one of my stories. It picked up a great fan base and with the help of my friend Michelle, who is a literary agent, I was able to get a publishing deal and well... here we are!" I spread my hands out in front of me and smile.

"Michelle Kelsey from high school?" He inquires and I'm surprised he remembers her.

"One in the same!"

"Is she still as loud and outspoken as she was back then? She was always such a character." He chuckles a little, probably remembering how crazy Michelle can get.

"Oh, she still is! But I owe her the world. She really helped my career out. I don't know what I would have done without her. I like to think she went into that line of work just so she could help me." I sigh, thinking of how wonderful Michelle really is. She's always been there for me and is what every friend should aspire to be.

"That is so great. I'm glad to see you're achieving success. I always knew you'd go far." His words are so genuine and it makes a warm feeling spread over me. God I hope my face isn't as flush as it feels.

"Thanks. What about you? Last I heard you decided not to join the Marines like you had planned on doing." I stick my tongue out to draw my straw between my lips and suck back some of my drink. His eyes go straight to my mouth and flash with unconcealed lust. But once my words register, the heat there is quickly replaced with sadness.

"No... my mom got real sick and I couldn't stand the thought of being away from home when she needed me." He looks so sad and before I know it, I grab his hand for support. "She passed away a year later from cancer. I was glad for the time I got to spend with her. After she died, I went to Northeastern in Massachusetts and got my degree in Criminal Justice. I ended up down in Washington, D.C., where I'm a police officer."

"I'm so sorry to hear about your mom." I pull my hand away from his when I realize that he's now holding mine as well and my thumb is idly stroking the back of his hand. I really do not need to be playing touchy feely with this sexy man.

We need to steer this conversation back to a better place. "So, no wife or special girl in your life?" I ask hesitantly, not sure if I really want to know or not.

He gives me a little smirk and shakes his head. "I haven't met anyone special enough. There have been a few longer term relationships, but none of them were what I was looking for." His gaze locks with mine and it feels like he is trying to silently communicate something with me. But I'm not sure what it is and I don't want to try to figure it out. Ignorance is bliss.

He clears his throat and continues, "You mentioned your husband is an architect. Tell me about him."

"Yes, Aiden is an architect. What can I say about him?" I think about it for a moment. This is definitely awkward. "Well, he is smart, funny, handsome... I don't know. What do you want to know?"

He thinks about it for a moment before asking, "Are you happy?" His lips form a frown and he suddenly looks so serious.

That question certainly came out of left field. How do I answer that? I ask myself that question all the time, and these days I don't have an answer. I get one big "I don't know" anytime I do. I decide to be evasive.

"Happiness is relative, isn't it? I mean, can one person truly be happy all the time?" I reply and a look of disappointment takes over his face at my answer.

"I might be overstepping my bounds right now, but it seems to me that you're trying to convince yourself of that. If you were genuinely happy with your husband, you would have said it." He looks at me pointedly.

I have no response to that, because it's true. And damn it, I don't want to admit that to him. "You're probably right. Things have been a little rocky lately, that's all. There is a lot of stress between our jobs and stuff. Not every relationship is butterflies and rainbows all the time." I make my tone a lot lighter than I feel to try and put him off. I'm not a big fan of this fishing expedition.

At least he has the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just want to make sure you are really happy. I care about you, I always have, that's all," he replies.

Now I feel like a bitch for snapping at him. We are in definite need of a change in subject. Growing up in New England, we were both Red Sox fans. This is a sure way to push conversation in a safer direction.

"You still a Red Sox fan?" I ask. "My uncle inherited his in-laws season tickets, so whenever I go back home I usually get to see a game or two."

"Sure am. Have you been caught in any compromising positions trying to get close to Jason Varitek lately?" He lets out a little chuckle and shakes his head, most likely thinking about a story or two passed around town about me trying to get closer to the players.

I have an unhealthy obsession with a few of the Red Sox players. Always have. Anyone who has ever known me knows this fact.

"Ha ha! No, I keep my stalking to a distance these days! My last situation involved a men's bathroom and my foot stuck in a toilet. Let's just say I had to wait for over an hour before someone came to rescue me. That was a low point that forced me to reconsider my stalkerish tendencies." I giggle but almost choke on my drink when I feel something brush softly against my leg. Is he trying to play footsie with me?

I'm at a total loss for words. When a yawn escapes me, I realize it's almost midnight. Time certainly does fly when you're having fun. This would probably be a good time to make an escape before any more body parts can rub against each other. "Wow, it's getting really late. Are you staying at Emma's?"

"Yeah, she lives about twenty minutes from here. I should probably get going before she bitches at me for coming in late and waking up the kids."

"Oh, she has kids?" My interest is peaked by the way his face lights up.

"Yeah, two little girls – Candace and Grace. They're eight and six but the way they act, you'd think they were eighteen and sixteen. I love being an uncle though... those girls are just the cutest things." He has a dreamy grin on his face, which only enhances his sex appeal.

It's obvious how much love he has for them. You can see it radiating out of him and I idly wonder how he'd be as a father. Shaking those thoughts from my head, I grab my purse and stand to leave.

"It was really great seeing you again, Sam," he whispers in my ear as he engulfs me in another tight hug. When I pull away his hand grabs the back of my neck and next thing I know his mouth is on mine. His lips are soft and gentle, as if he knows he's probably pushing too far. My lips part with shock and he uses that opportunity to touch the tip of his tongue to mine. Heat instantly floods my body and settles between my legs. That one small kiss has fried my circuits.

He pulls back and looks into my eyes, searching for something. I know he felt it too, that strange sensation that seems to pulsate between us. It's almost as if no time has gone by at all, it's so strong.

"Jacob, I can't do this. I'm married and it's not fair of you to put me in this position," I whisper as I pull back further and close my eyes to hide my emotions.

"I'm sorry. You're right. It's just, I've thought about you so many times over the years and wondered what would have happened if we had stayed in touch. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but I just couldn't let you walk away without at least seeing what could be."

I shake my head and step back further. "Nothing can be. I have to go." With that, I turn and walk as quickly as I could toward the exit and didn't look back.

*****

My hands are still trembling as I unlock the door to my room. What the hell just happened back there? I totally allowed myself to be kissed by Jacob. And I can't even deny to myself that I wanted it. I wanted it far too much. My heart is racing and there is a significant throbbing between my legs. Just one little tongue touch and I've come completely undone.

I need to talk to someone about this. Grabbing my cell phone, I dial Michelle. She will be able to make sense of all this.

"Girl, I can't believe you are calling me when you know Friday night is date night." Of course it is. There is music playing in the background and I'm guessing she's trolling a bar looking for her latest victim.

For a brief moment I debate not telling her. Pretending it never happened and hiding away from reality is usually my chosen means of dealing with a situation, but I'm going to go nuts if I don't talk to someone about this.

"Yeah, I'm well aware of that but something big... no huge... no wait, _major_ happened tonight and I need you to pull your head out of your ass long enough to talk me off a ledge," I practically scream into the phone.

My rant is met with silence on the other end and she must have left the room because you can barely hear the music now. After a few moments she says with anticipation lacing her words, "Hmmm.... Now I'm intrigued. Tell Momma Shelly everything!"

God she is such a nut. "Okay, well, at the book signing today, Jacob Matthews showed up. You remember him from school, right?"

"Of course I remember him. Who could forget his fine ass? He used to give girls orgasms just by smiling at them." She makes a little sound of approval like she just had a mini-orgasm of her own.

"Yeah, well, he almost gave me one tonight when he kissed me," I admit on a low murmur.

"Wait! What? You've been holding out on me. How the hell did that happen?"

After going through the story from when I saw him again to having drinks at the bar, I wait while she digests it all. The silence is killing me, so I decide to go ahead and break it. "So, what should I do?"

"First of all, you better stay as far away from him as possible. You and Aiden are having problems and it would be too easy for him to take advantage of that fact. And the last thing you need is to irrevocably damage your marriage by getting down and dirty with good ole' Jake."

She's right, damn it. And I hate when she's right. Time for some damage control.

"I never said I was planning on getting down and dirty with him. It was just a total shock that it even happened. Everything before that was innocent enough." Even as I say it, I know I'm lying. The heat in his gaze, the flirtatious smiles and touches, it was anything but innocent. "I'm not planning on seeing him again. I just freaked out. The teenage girl in me was having a moment. That's all."

"Good." Michelle sounds like she doesn't believe me. Then she uses the one thing against me that she knows will set me straight. "Let me know if it becomes necessary for me to remind you how much you hate cheating, or how mad you were when your dad constantly cheated on your mom and then your step-mom growing up."

"Trust me, no reminder is necessary on that front. My father was a man-whore and it was disgusting what they both put up with. I'm going to let you get back to your man finding mission. Thanks for being right, as usual," I grit out before saying goodnight.

Hanging up the phone, I decide to go to sleep and put this day behind me. I change into a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, wash my face and crawl into bed. Lying there, staring at the ceiling my mind keeps replaying the whole scene over and over again. I keep telling myself that its nothing and I shouldn't be giving him any headspace, but I can't stop. A smile stretches across my face and my fingers touch my lips as I relive the kiss.

Am I going to hell for thinking this way about someone other than my husband? And shouldn't I feel bad about this? No, it's just some innocent fantasizing. It's not like I'm going to see him again. Shit, I'll probably never hear from him again, especially now that I turned him down. If I remember correctly, walking away without another word was his M.O.

## Chapter Three

Three weeks have passed since the night I was kissed by Jacob and there has been no sign of him. I'm not really surprised. I am a little disappointed though. Whenever I catch myself thinking those thoughts, however, I quickly chastise myself and move on.

After my morning coffee and a shower, I head down to my office to start working on my next book. I love the freedom that being an author allows me. But deadlines still need to be met, so I try to work in my office during "normal" work hours as often as possible.

I sit in my plush, leather chair and fire up my email. Scanning through spam and fan letters, I see a name that is all too familiar... Jacob Matthews.

All I can do is stare at my inbox. My heart starts pounding and my hands start sweating. Geez, all this over an email and I don't even know what it says yet. For all I know, he is going to tell me off or call me a tease.

Staring at the unopened email isn't going to get me anywhere. I channel a calm that I just don't feel and with a new determination, I double-click the message and just about choke on my tongue at what it says. One simple sentence, so much meaning.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Play dates

I probably shouldn't say this... But I can't stop thinking about how we used to play in my bedroom after school :)

Oh my god!

Even back when we were teenagers, Jacob and I had serious chemistry. Most of my memories of him include lots of groping, licking, sucking, biting... shall I go on? Yeah, I'm sure you get the picture.

I don't even know what to say in response to his email. After what happened that night, I figured he would go away. I didn't know he would keep thinking about it, much the same as I was. And of course I still was. I've dreamt up numerous scenarios over the last three weeks of what would happen if I heard from him again, but I'm at a loss for what my next move is. I feel like I'm playing chess and my next move needs to be carefully strategized.

I have a few options to consider.

One, I can email him back and tell him again that this can't happen. If I stay strong and continue turning him down, he'll eventually get the message. This option seems a little daunting. Two, I can email him back with what I secretly want to say. And that's that I remember all those great times too and have an urge to make a few more memories. Third, I can just ignore him and hope he goes away. If I'm being honest with myself, this is my least favorite choice.

Deciding to think about it a little longer and not rush into anything, I turn my attention back to writing. It's easy to forget about other things when I'm focused on the story.

A few hours later, I realize that the steamy scene I'm writing is actually mirroring one of my many times with Jacob. My characters are parked in the back of a closed car lot, getting hot and heavy. He lays her down on the bench seat of his truck before thrusting into her over and over again. While her orgasm builds, she's completely oblivious to the fact that her long hair is caught on the lock of the door.

Heat fills my body as I am no longer thinking about my characters, but rather remembering me and Jacob. I remember how the fingers on his one hand stroke my breast and brush my nipple while his other hand goes between us to work my clit. Just as I think I can take no more, my body shakes and trembles with a fabulous orgasm. My pussy squeezing his cock is enough to send him over the edge. As we come down from our climaxes, we both lay there breathing heavy, wrapped in each other's arms.

Without further thought I switch screens, hit reply on his email and find myself going with option two.

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Re: Play dates

Yes... If memory serves me correctly a lot of fun was had on our "play dates." I fondly recall getting my hair caught in the door of your truck one night ;) Now I'm going to be thinking naughty thoughts all day!

I think to myself, "It's official! I'm going to hell!"

The rest of the day, I find myself constantly checking for his response. I'm not sure what he's going to come back with, but the anticipation is killing me. For all I know, he is working today and won't even get my reply until tonight. But that doesn't stop me from obsessing about it.

Four hours later, my inbox dings that I have a new message. I almost make myself wait to switch screens and look, since it could be anyone... almost.

I'm rewarded when I check it. He's replied. I quickly open the email.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Play dates

I totally forgot about that! If you get bored, feel free to tell me about those naughty thoughts...

A thrill of excitement skitters down my spine. I can't help but grin at this little game we are playing.

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Positions?

Would you like to know scenarios involved, positions involved or clothing that may or may not be involved?

His reply comes almost immediately.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Positions?

Naughty girl! And to answer your question... Yes to all :)

Hmmm... this is where the writer in me comes into play. I know exactly where I'm going to take this and I'm pretty sure he's going to enjoy it.

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

Ok, here's a scenario we can start off with... a strip tease. I'm dressed in my naughty librarian outfit. I place you in a chair in the center of the room. The music pumps as I slowly circle around you, teasing you. My fingers brush down your arm as I pass by. When I make it back in front of you, I turn my back to you and slowly start swaying my hips in time with the beat. Each thump of the bass echoes the pounding of your heart.

I bend down and grab my ankles, my skirt riding up my thighs showing you the bare cheeks of my ass. I seductively shake my hips back and forth to the beat. I throw my head back when I stand up, my soft hair swaying as my body continues to undulate in time to the beat. I slowly unbutton my black shirt, letting it fall down my shoulders. I glance over my shoulder at you. A fine sheen of sweat covers your forehead. You want this... you want to know what's underneath my clothes. Your cock is straining behind your zipper, aching to be released. With a tiny smile on my lips, I let the shirt fall down my arms to the floor, revealing a red corset.

I spin around and lean over you, pressing my breasts into your face. But there's no touching, not yet anyway. I back up and hook my thumbs into the waistband of my checkered skirt, teasing you by only pulling it down an inch then two. The suspense is driving you insane so you undo your jeans and release your cock before stroking it up and down, your thumb spreading the pre-come over the head. This turns me on so damn much, I'm not sure how much more I'll be able to take without assisting you. I finish pulling my skirt down and kick it away. The g-string and garter I just revealed makes you pump even faster.

Have you been a good boy? I like to reward good boys. And you know how much I enjoy licking and sucking you until you come down my throat.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

I've been good! I've been good! You are so good at licking and sucking. You give the best blow job I've ever had. I'd like to see some pics of you in those sexy outfits.

Damn! This is hot as hell. I'm not sure you'll be able to stop me from touching...

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

I think you should lay me on the bed and unhook my garter with your teeth. Then eat my pussy until I'm soaking wet. I want your hands all over my hot, sweaty body... I want you to make me beg for your dick in me.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

That is so hot. I'd make you scream in pleasure and have you begging for more. Maybe I'd have to cuff you to the bed so I could tease your pussy.

What positions do you like/want?

I can just imagine you riding me, grinding your tight pussy on my dick. And then me flipping you over and fucking you hard from behind... mmm. Or maybe I'll make you lay flat on your stomach and fuck you deep and hard until I come...

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

OMG! All the above... Damn you are killing me! Fuck me harder until I can't take anymore... I want you to make me scream!

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

Fuck! Hopefully you're wet from that! I know I'm hard as a rock right now.

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

Um, yeah most definitely. Today was the first Monday I enjoyed in a long time... We'll have to do this again!

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 18, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Shhh! Quiet in the Library!

Deal. And hopefully for real :)

Hopefully for real? Oh no. I don't think so. I technically shouldn't even be playing this game with him via email, much less physically.

A knot settles in the pit of my stomach thinking about the mess I just made. How could I let one memory get the best of me? Jacob always had this control over me though. I used to make reckless choices just so I could be with him. In high school, we had stopped talking for a bit and I started dating someone else, but I left him like a hot potato to get another taste of Jacob.

Problem is it feels so good to be bad... euphoric even. And judging by how wet my panties are right now, I'm being very bad.

How could I do this to Aiden? Regardless of our issues, I know he loves me. He would be devastated if he knew I was mentally unfaithful, let alone physically unfaithful. Oh god... I'm one of those ridiculous heroines in all the romance novels that whines and cries and can't make any decisions.

In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, "I won't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow."

Regardless of when I do think about it, though, this will have to remain my secret. No one will understand the hold Jacob has over me, especially when they all know and love Aiden.

## Chapter Four

Sleep eluded me most of the night. When I wasn't lying awake feeling guilty while Aiden softly snored next to me, I was dreaming about Jacob. Each time I dreamed, I would wake up sweaty and incredibly turned on. At one point I was so turned on, I probably could have just blown on my clit and erupted into an orgasm.

It feels as though I'm not too many steps up from rock bottom at this point. My mind is completely addicted to him. Jacobism – he's my disease.

Shuffling down to the kitchen, I grab myself a cup of coffee. Before I head to the shower, I make a detour to my office to check my email. Like I said, I'm an addict. I quickly scan through the unread messages until I hit pay dirt. A new email from Jacob sent an hour ago.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 19, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Thank you

I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. I've thought about you so many times over the years and yesterday was like a dream come to life. You have no idea how badly I want you... how badly I need you. Others have come and gone, but no one gets me the way you do. No one makes me feel like you do.

I couldn't sleep last night. I had thoughts most of the night of my dick in your mouth and how good your pussy is going to feel, until I ended up having to take matters into my own hands – literally.

Now that I've probably scared you away, I'm off to work. Think you could give me a nice long, dirty story to come back to and read at lunch?

Have a great day!

I can't believe what I'm reading. He sounds so vulnerable. I'm glad to hear he had as restless a night as I did. It makes me feel a little better. I spend the rest of the morning thinking up dirty scenarios to share with him.

_____________________

From: Samantha Monroe  
Sent: March 19, 2013  
To: Jacob Matthews  
Subject: Police protection at its finest

OK – here's another scenario...

You are a sexy, hot police officer who is protecting me. We are all alone at a safe house in the middle of nowhere. I've just finished taking a shower... I'm wrapped in a towel and my body is glistening from the water. You hear a noise and come to investigate. We run into each other as I walk down the hall and I drop my towel. Your jeans become tight while your eyes rake over my body. We start kissing and it quickly turns heavy. I rub your hard, throbbing cock before I push you in a chair and use your handcuffs to make you powerless! I start by opening up your shirt, then bend down and slowly undo your pants. My tongue runs up and down your chest, painting circles around your nipples, giving you a taste of what's to come. When you start begging, I decide to put you out of your misery and run my tongue up your cock very slowly, circling the head over and over until your panting with need. Now that I have your full attention, I close my lips and take your length in my mouth. I suck deep and hard, making you moan. Your hips involuntarily thrust towards my face, forcing me to take you even deeper. My hand cups your balls, massaging them gently as my other hand strokes you while I continue sucking. As you get closer, your hips start to buck faster until you can't hold back any longer and come in my mouth.

Once I release you from your cuffs, you push me down to the floor. You start licking and sucking my tits. Your hands gently run down my body and spread my legs apart. I quiver as you start rubbing my clit and finger fucking me. Before I hit the point of no return, you shift in between my legs and thrust in hard and rough, fucking me as hard as you can. I can feel it building, coiling deep within. I just know I'm going to come hard. We're breathing hard and the only sounds are our pants and groans. You pull out and flip me over, forcing me to my hands and knees. You rear back and slam into me until your balls deep in my pussy. I scream for you to give it to me harder. You spank my ass and it feels so good it makes me come instantly. As I come down, your thrusts become harder and faster until your cock twitches and you come deep inside me.

I am so turned on right now envisioning Jacob doing these things to me. If I keep going like this there is no way I'm going to be able to walk away or even keep this completely in cyberspace. He is going to keep pushing to meet up until I eventually cave. I should just resign myself to my fate. I have no self-control when it comes to him. And I'm finding it harder and harder to convince myself that I need to.

The phone rings and glancing at the caller ID, I see its Aiden. He doesn't typically call during the day so I'm a little concerned.

"Hey, is there something wrong?"

"Hi. No nothing's wrong. I just got good news that the Sullivan project we bid on came through. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner to celebrate. If not, I can see if Ben is available. I haven't seen him too much since he moved back to town."

"I'd love to go to dinner. I'll be ready by six-thirty. Want me to make reservations at Vermilion for seven?"

"That would be great, thanks. I have to get back, but I'll see you later." He hangs up before I can say goodbye.

Guilt starts to gnaw at my insides. I'm such a hussy... having dinner with my husband while I'm secretly carrying on a virtual affair with my old boyfriend. I have to end this thing with Jacob before it goes any further. I have to be strong and stick to my moral beliefs. Cheating, in any form, is hurtful and deceitful. I'm no better than my father and that fact alone makes me want to throw up.

That's decided then – I'm going to tell Jacob we're over. I just hope that he's not too upset and will agree to give me what I need. This is something I can't do over email though. I was foolish enough to start this thing and now I need to be woman enough to end it properly. The fact that I keep changing my mind is probably going to give him whiplash.

A few hours later, I'm walking into a corner café in town to have lunch with my publisher when my phone signals that I have a new email. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and discover it's a response from Jacob to my dirty email from earlier. His obvious excitement puts a huge chip in my resolve to stay away.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: March 19, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: Police protection at its finest

Let me just say, OMG!!! I'm sitting in a computer lab right now and can't get up cause... well... everyone would see how turned on I am!

What a great scenario. I'm so hard right now I could pound nails. Want to come help me out with my situation?!

I have to deal with this quickly before it gets any worse. I reply to the message, saying we need to talk and give him my cell number. Turning off my phone, I shove it in my purse so I'm not interrupted during my meeting.

*****

Dinner tonight with Aiden is perfect timing since my publisher really wants me to do a book tour. The pressure is on and I don't think it would be wise to turn this down. I figure Aiden will be in good spirits at dinner and I'll be able to get his feedback on me leaving for a better portion of the summer.

Climbing into my Tahoe, I pull my cell out and turn it back on. There's a text from Jacob asking me when I have time to talk. I text back that I'm free now and wait for him to call. I rest my head on the headrest and stare at the roof, silently praying for the strength I need to have this conversation. A few moments later my phone rings. I take a deep breath and answer.

"Hello." I could hit myself... my voice is soft and breathless. Not the message I was aiming to give.

"Hey, beautiful! It's so good to hear your voice. What did you want to talk about?" He replies with a smile in his voice.

"Jake, we can't keep doing this. Those emails were a temporary lapse in judgment. We both know that what we're doing isn't right."

"I know I'm not married or in a committed relationship, and the last thing I want to do is push you too hard or break up a happy home. But Sam, your home doesn't seem all that happy. I can see it when I look in your eyes, there's a sadness there. You might think you hide it, but you don't. I haven't seen you in sixteen years and I know it's there with one look. Your husband is an idiot if he doesn't treasure you and work his ass off to make sure that doesn't happen."

I refuse to believe that Aiden doesn't still treasure me. I can't give up hope that the state of our marriage will take a turn for the better. Has Aiden been acting like an idiot for the last few months? Yes. But, that isn't a good enough reason for me to give up on us just yet.

"I'm sorry, I just need space. Seriously, we went from 'remembering when,' to full on sex stories, to you talking play dates after not seeing each other for sixteen years. It's awfully sudden and way too fast." I'm exasperated that he isn't listening to me.

"I hear what you're saying. It is fast and sudden and maybe even random. I think we are both at a place in our lives where this seems to work – right or wrong. I like fantasies and moving fast. If you need some space, I'll give it to you but not for long. You need to admit to yourself that if you weren't married then we'd already be having sex. You feel the connection between us, I know you do." He sounds desperate in his attempt to make me see reason.

"You can't sit there and talk like that to me! It's not fair, damn it! You're putting me in a horrible position. Are you really that selfish to make me choose? I chose to spend the rest of my life with Aiden. That isn't the type of decision you make lightly," I yell into the phone.

"If you were as committed to your marriage as you say, you wouldn't have been begging me to fuck you in that email and you sure as hell wouldn't have been as wet as you were last night. We have a connection that you can't just ignore. I've waited a long time for this chance and I'm not going to just walk away without doing anything and everything I can to make you see that. But I'm not going to persuade you against your will. When we finally get together – and yes Sam, we will get together – you are going to be begging me for it, not running from it." He taunts me with his words.

I have to keep a strong resolve and walk away. There is no way I'm going to let him plant the seed any further about how desperately I want him and me begging him for it. It just can't happen. I need to officially end this before any real damage is done.

"I'm sorry, Jake, but I can't talk about this anymore. Goodbye." My voice is shaky as I try to contain all my emotions.

As I end the call, my heart feels like it is breaking. I guess it is true that I never really had gotten over him. For as much as I hate to admit it, he still holds a piece of my heart. I just don't know how to get it back.

*****

Dinner with Aiden last week was uneventful. The atmosphere was cozy and romantic. He seemed lighter than he has been lately, which was a good thing. We both shared a bottle of wine and toasted to his success. He was a little hesitant with my wanting to go on this book tour. He typically likes to travel with me, but with how busy things have been with his work lately, there is no way he can get the time off.

I can understand his hesitation. We haven't been on the best footing lately, and this amount of time away could be our complete undoing. To try to appease his worries, I agreed to only do a little more than half of the proposed dates. This will allow me to come home more frequently and spend time with Aiden.

We just need to find a way to connect with each other again before I leave, I'm sure of it. And I have just the plan. We're going to a wedding tonight and my plan is to liquor up, have a good time and then take advantage of my husband afterward.

Seduction is on my mind as I'm getting ready for the wedding. I've shaved, plucked, lotioned, and perfumed every inch of my body. I'm dressed in a strapless, blue Grecian style bandeau gown. My hair is pulled back into an elegant roll at the lower part of my head and I've left wispy pieces framing my face. My makeup is subtle, with the exception of the smoky eye shadow that enhances the golden flecks in my brown eyes. I look pretty good, if I do say so myself! Not only do I look good, but I feel good and have high hopes for this evening!

*****

Tonight has not gone exactly according to plan. Aiden hasn't been a complete stick in the mud, but he has seemed a little off. We held hands during the ceremony, which I thought was a good sign. But once the reception started, I barely saw him. He's spent most of the evening out on the terrace with a bunch of his old teammates from college. This has left me either alone or making small talk with the other wives.

Not that I have a huge issue with small talk. I've known most of these women for the better part of ten years. I was just really hoping that we'd have some couple time... exchange heated looks, whisper naughty things in each other's ears, and press close on the dance floor.

I might be a bit tipsy at this point. The champagne tastes crisp and delicious and is most likely going to be the cause of a headache tomorrow. But my inhibitions are lowered and I'm prepared to put myself out there for Aiden. He needs to know how much I want him. All we need is one night for our relationship to start to heal and for me to put Jacob completely behind me. I'm desperate for this to work.

I walk out to the terrace where Aiden is smoking a cigar with his friends, trying to put as much sway in my step as possible. Judging by the look on his face, I think he notices. As I approach him, I put my arm around his waist and set my other hand on his stomach. I gift him with my most flirty smile as I look up into his eyes.

"Hey, Parker! Have I told you lately that your wife is one hot piece?" His friend Mark asks while ogling my chest. Mark is good looking, with his light brown hair and blue eyes, but is most definitely a grade "A" jerk. At our wedding reception he was completely wasted and tried to feel me up when I was coming out of the bathroom. I thought Aiden was going to kill him. While he'll most likely get whatever he deserves, I hope we don't have a recurrence of that night.

"I've warned you to keep your thoughts to yourself, Mark. Remember what happened last time you hit on Sam? I'm not going to pull Aiden off you this time." Ben, Aiden's best friend, chimes in while shaking his head at how dense Mark really is. Ben seems to always be playing the peacemaker with these guys. Ben looks a lot like Aiden. You'd think they were cousins, especially with the way he always has Aiden's back.

Fists clenched, Aiden growls at Mark, "You better wipe those thoughts out of your head, _brother_ , or I'm going to do it for you."

He takes a step towards Mark, ready to do him bodily harm. This situation needs to be diffused before the bride and groom's night is ruined. To ensure this doesn't go any further, I tighten my hold on his waist, kiss his cheek and whisper, "Honey, forget about Mark and come dance with me."

"You're lucky that Sam wants to dance, Mark, or you'd be nursing a black eye tomorrow. You need to keep your hands and your thoughts off my wife," Aiden fires back as I grab his hand and lead him to the dance floor.

"Something About the Way You Look Tonight," by Elton John is playing when I wrap my arms around Aiden's neck and his hands on my hips pull me close. We sway to the music and I'm completely lost in the feel of him, the power behind his touch, yet the gentle way he commands my body. I lay my head on his chest and inhale his purely masculine scent. No one compares to him. And at this moment, Jacob is the furthest thing from my mind.

His fingers randomly put pressure on my hips, pulling me closer and I'm beginning to think this night is about to get all that much better. I glance up at Aiden and he lowers his head to place a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"You light up my world, Sam. I don't know what I'd do with you. I thank god every day that I found you," Aiden whispers in my ear. I look up at him, cherishing the words he's just spoken. We hold each other's eyes for several long minutes before he bends down and covers my mouth with his. The electricity being generated in that simple kiss is enough to light an entire city. This man completely undoes me. He really is my everything.

We continue dancing and it's as if we are the only two people in the room. I knew that this was what we needed, to feel that connection with each other. But until now, neither of us was giving in.

The song ends and we say our goodbyes to our friends. In the car on the way home, Aiden is silent and I'm not sure what to say. I just hope the good vibe continues once we get home.

Hugo is excited to see us when we walk in the door. Aiden lets him out back while I make my way to our room. Removing my jewelry, I'm anxious about making love with Aiden tonight. It's been seven long months since we shared this intimacy. My mind is racing with how good it will feel to have his hands and mouth on me. Staring at my reflection, I can see how excited I am. My cheeks are flushed, my pupils have started dilating and my nipples poke through my dress.

"Can you unzip my dress?" I ask him when he walks in the room. This is most definitely an invitation.

He walks over and slowly lowers my zipper. My breath is slow and shallow while I wait for his next move. His fingertips graze my naked back and a pounding starts between my legs. My knees start to wobble and I'm so turned on, my panties are drenched. I want him to run his hands all over me. I need him to run his hands all over me. The thoughts of what they are capable of is working me into a frenzy. My heart is pounding and all I can hear is the rush of blood in my ears. I'm tempted to turn around and rip his suit off his body and throw him to the ground so we can have wild, hot sex. I don't though, because I need him to want me as badly as I want him. I need him to prove his love to me right now.

"All set," he murmurs and leaves a small kiss on the nape of my neck. Then he... walks away. Wait, what? Yep, he is walking away from me and heading into the bathroom. Did I miss something? Any idiot could take one look at me and tell that I'm primed and ready to go.

My heart drops into my stomach with disappointment and hurt. My chin starts to quiver and I can feel my throat closing up with my unshed tears. This can't possibly be happening.

I take a minute to compose myself before he comes back into the bedroom. He heads over to the bed and climbs under the covers. I'm completely flummoxed at what to do next, so I drape my dress over the back of a chair and head into the bathroom to wash my face.

When I emerge from the bathroom, fresh faced and determined to try again, I see that the light on his side of the bed is off and he is sleeping.

There is no way I can lay next to him in bed right now. I'm angry and still turned on. And the fact that I'm still turned on is only serving to amplify my anger. To top it off, I feel utterly worthless thanks to the way he blew me off. Why doesn't my husband love me anymore? Don't I turn him on? These are the questions swirling in my mind, making me feel... less than. That's the best way to describe it. It's like I'm not good enough.

Michelle was right when she said it would be too easy for Jacob to use my issues with Aiden to his advantage. A woman can only stand so much. I don't think it's too much to ask for a husband to want to bend his wife over a table and fuck her silly. How many husbands do you know that would have walked away from the scene upstairs tonight? Not many. Either Aiden doesn't find me attractive anymore or he's having an affair.

God, I can't even think about him having an affair. It would tear me apart. He's mine and the thought of another woman being with him makes me crazy with jealousy. But what other explanation could there be?

I'll be spending the day tomorrow packing for the first leg of my trip. I'll be on the road for the next two weeks for five different signings. I really need to get some sleep so that I'm able to be totally organized tomorrow. I don't want to forget anything.

I decide to take a sleeping pill to relax. Settling on the couch in the family room, Hugo comes over and lays in the crook of my legs and snuggles close. I cover myself with the soft, cozy chenille blanket from the back of the couch. It doesn't take long for sleep to claim me from my inner turmoil.

## Chapter Five

Yesterday was exhausting trying to ignore Aiden all day. When I wasn't packing, I spent most of my time in my office, hiding. Yes, I am a coward. But how can I face him without feeling the shame and humiliation that I felt last night? I shouldn't have to beg my own husband to make love to me. I shouldn't have to tell him that I want to feel special and cherished. He should know these things already!

At one point, I caught myself re-reading the emails between Jacob and myself. My mind started churning over the idea that maybe he wasn't wrong. Maybe I owe it to myself to see this thing through with him, to see if there could be anything between us. It's not an ideal situation, what with me being married and all, but Aiden and I are essentially roommates at this point. No loving husband would have neglected his wife, yet again, especially when it was plain to see I was turned on and ready to go.

I can't stop thinking about my chance meeting with Jacob. Could fate be trying to tell me something? I've often thought about him over the years and wondered what had happened to him after high school. Who wouldn't with the way he looks? We were so young back then, though. Could we really have something together in the here-and-now?

An affair with Jacob could only play out one of two ways. In the first scenario, we'd burn up the sheets – like I know we will – and it ends there. I'll have a few great memories and a way to not feel so damn lonely all the time. We'll walk away when it's all said and done with no one getting hurt and maybe even be able to be friends. The second scenario is we discover that the reason we've thought of each other so much over the years is because we really are meant to be together. In that case, someone does get hurt.

I don't want to think too much into the details of what would happen if I pursue this affair, though. There is no way to fully prepare for the unknown, so I don't want to waste my time worrying about what could happen down the road. Carpe diem is my motto for the day.

Looking around the hotel room in Houston, I'm bored and feeling a little lost. Picking up the phone, I try Michelle but it goes straight to voicemail. I leave a message and start flipping through channels on the television. Left to my own devices, I know what's going to happen. My mind is going to obsess over Jacob and I'm going to break down and contact him. The other night could definitely be considered the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm hanging on by a loose thread, keeping myself from picking up my phone.

After debating about contacting Jacob for over two hours, I finally pick up my phone and decide to text him. Biting my lip, I stop myself and delete the message that I started. I should think about this some more or wait for a sign. I pick up my laptop in order to work on my manuscript. I turn off the television and start a random play list on iTunes. Losing myself in the music and what I'm writing is the best thing to get my mind off Jacob.

"I Wanna," by The All American Rejects starts playing and the lyrics begin to register. This is totally what I feel when I'm thinking of Jacob. I start singing and jump up on the bed, dancing around. I get caught up in the song, deciding it's the sign I was looking for. When the song finishes, I'm laughing and feel carefree and giddy. It's such a great feeling. I grab my phone again and write Jacob a text.

**Me:** Hey you.

Wow, real smooth Sam. I had no idea what else to say though. I'm nervous. I mean, what if he isn't waiting for me to change my mind? At least this way, I won't feel like a total idiot putting myself out there if he turns me down. Vulnerability is not my strong suit. I find myself chewing on my nails while staring at the blank screen on my phone. It feels like the minutes are crawling by while I wait for him to reply to me. When my phone chimes, I immediately pick it up to see what he says.  
**  
Jacob:** Hey beautiful. I'm really hoping this means you changed your mind.  
**  
Me:** I might have :)  
**  
Jacob:** That's the best thing I've heard in days! Just thinking about you has me horny as fuck. Where are you?  
**  
Me:** Texas, but I wish I was with you. I think you owe me the next story. I want to hear a fantasy of yours.  
**  
Jacob:** Damn. I'll email you one over right now!

Adrenaline is coursing through my veins. I'm unbelievably excited and cannot wait to hear what his story is. I know this whole thing is probably wrong, but at the same time it feels so right. I start writing again in order to preoccupy myself while waiting for his email. A huge smile is on my face and I feel energized in every possible way.

I'm really glad Jacob isn't questioning me on what made me change my mind. There is no way I can tell him what happened with Aiden, it's just too mortifying. Jacob was always the type to just go with the flow, and that's exactly what I need right now. I'm afraid he'll think I'm damaged goods if even my husband doesn't want me.

Checking my inbox, I see his unread message. In my excitement, I practically dive for the mouse to get his email opened faster. I'm dying to see what he's written.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: April 1, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Brushing up on oral skills

One from me... Hmmm, let's see. I'm a police detective who shows up at your hotel room to interview you. As you share your story, I notice you checking me out a little. I know you're married but you seem interested. Your big, brown eyes are heated and filled with lust. Your face is flushed and your lips are parted. When your pink tongue snakes out to lick your lip, I can't take it anymore. I need to put my hands on you. I reach out and touch your thigh and wait to see if you pull back. When you don't, I decide to get a little more aggressive. I lean over and kiss you. It starts off slow and sweet, but quickly spreads like wild fire. Clothes come off. You reach out and stroke my cock before going down on me. I flip you around so I can eat your pussy while you continue to suck my cock.

Once you are sopping wet, I roll over and tease you with the head of my cock. Just putting it in a few inches, making you squirm and beg for more. I finally give in and fuck you hard and deep until you come real hard. Your pussy squeezes my cock while I come deep inside of you.

After I dress and leave, I decide that this by far was the best interview I've ever conducted.

Oh, yum! I'm so turned on visualizing us doing those things to each other. I find myself playing with my nipples, making them firm pebbles aching to be sucked. I reach down and slide my hands into my panties, feeling the moisture that's built up there. I lightly start teasing myself while finishing the email. I really hate that I'm so far away from him right now. I want Jacob here so he can feel how wet he makes me. I want to feel his hands on me and his cock in me. Picking up my phone, I text him back. If he can't actually get me off, we can at least have a little fun in the interim.  
**  
Me:** I am so wet right now. My fingers are drenched from touching myself.

**Jacob:** Fuck baby. Put them in your mouth. I bet you taste sweet.  
**  
Me:** I do. But you taste even better. I love to suck on your big, thick cock. Imagine you're in my mouth right now.  
**  
Jacob:** Oh yeah. Keep sucking baby. I'm going to come down your throat.  
**  
Me:** Yes please. Are you touching yourself right now?  
**  
Jacob:** Yes. I'm so close. Are you?  
**  
Me:** Yes. I want you to make me come too.

I reach down and start rubbing myself again. I insert a finger deep into my pussy and use the palm of my hand to grind on my clit while I finger-fuck myself to the edge of a climax.  
**  
Jacob:** Imagine my tongue licking you up and down. Can you feel it flutter over your clit?

I close my eyes and insert a second finger, pumping a little faster. My orgasm rips through me as I imagine it's him making me unravel. God, that feels so good.  
**  
Me:** I just came all over my hand, imagining it was your face.  
**  
Jacob** : Fuck! I'm glad you liked it. I know I did.  
**  
Me:** I wish you were here right now.  
**  
Jacob:** Me too baby. When will you be home again?  
**  
Me:** Two weeks, but only for a few days.  
**  
Jacob:** Can I see you? I need to taste you for real.  
**  
Me:** I'm sure we can arrange something. I'm going to go to bed now.  
**  
Jacob:** Sleep well... and if you can't, I wouldn't mind if you sent me a pic of your hot, tight pussy :)

I'm not even going to touch that. I'm not sure what his fascination is with getting dirty pictures of me. I'm not stupid enough to put those types of pictures out into cyberspace. With my luck, they'd end up in the wrong hands. I turn out the light and curl up under the blankets. A smile tugs at my lips and I feel oddly at peace.

*****

When in Texas, you must wear cowboy boots. Or at least that's what I've decided. Today's agenda includes finding me a kick-ass pair of pink ones. Hey, I'm a girl... which means they have to be pink! My first stop is a mall not far from my hotel. I always did love a good shopping trip. This way I won't have to stop at just boots.

Walking around the mall, watching all the couples, makes me really wish Jacob was here. We could be sitting on a bench, oblivious to the people as they pass by. I can just imagine him putting his arm around my shoulder, making me lean into his body. His fingers would brush up and down my arm, eliciting goose bumps from me. He'd lean in and whisper all the dirty things that he's dying to do to me, making me hot all over.

I dreamt about him all night and haven't been able to stop thinking about him all morning. It's taking all my will power just to keep my phone in my pocket and not text him continually throughout the day. That would seem a bit desperate, I'm sure. I can't allow myself stoop to that level.

After looking in what feels like a million stores, I find the _perfect_ pair of pink cowboy boots. They make me want to go two-step in a honky-tonk bar. They aren't your typical light pink boots. They are a dressed up version in dark pink with a sassy layer of sequins and a slightly higher heel. It's a bold move, but they are a complete fashion statement.

The sales clerk convinces me to buy a black, straw cowboy hat as well and I'm thinking these are definitely going to come in handy while role playing. I'm sure Jacob would love to fuck me in nothing but my boots and hat. I decide to take some clothes into the dressing room to try on. I really had no plans to buy western clothing but maybe they will make the scenario all that much better.

I try on a western style black and pink checkered shirt that is a size too small, stopping just under my bra when buttoning it up, then I put on a pair of skin tight jeans. Putting on my boots and hat completes the look. I have to give Jacob a preview of what I have up my sleeve for him. He might have thought I was kidding when I said I would dress up as a naughty librarian, but I wasn't. I've always wanted to dress up and role play. I'm thinking that this is a perfect opportunity to push my boundaries and get a little kinky.

I make a sultry pout after I pull out my phone and then take a picture in the mirror, making sure that my cleavage is maximized from my pose.

Even I have to admit this picture is hot and would get the blood flowing straight to any man's groin. I send it off in a text to Jacob with the caption, "Giddy up." I giggle at how audacious I'm being lately. I feel like a whole side of me that has been hidden for far too long is coming to life. It's exhilarating.

My phone signals a text while I'm changing back into my clothes. It's Jacob and he had a similar idea of his own. He sent a picture of the bulge in his jeans with a caption that says, "I'm ready to mount you." That's exactly the reaction I was going for. I would give anything to be mounted right now. I feel like my vagina is practically begging for some attention.

I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over with. I'm craving intimacy and the way he makes me feel. My addiction is definitely kicking into overdrive. Give me one small taste, and it's over with. I've been without for far too long. On a plus note, it will do wonders for my writing. I'm finding my thoughts are kinkier and kinkier, which always makes for a good story.

I finish dressing and head to the checkout counter. That outfit is definitely coming with me. If just a picture affects him that way, I can only imagine what seeing me in person will do to him.

Once back at the hotel, I pack my new purchases in my suitcase and prepare to head out to Ohio tomorrow. I'm super anal, especially when it comes to being prepared. I don't want to be rushing around in the morning trying to get things done and accidentally forget something. One time I left my e-reader behind and felt like a fish out of water for days until the hotel had it shipped to me.

I order up room service, and decide tonight will be spent relaxing and pampering myself.

I just finish putting everything away when there's a knock on the door. I walk over to the door and let the very handsome waiter in with my food. You can tell by his dark looks and accent that he's Spanish. If I wasn't married and embarking on an affair with Jacob, I would totally take him up on the promise his eyes are making. It's hard to miss the fact that his eyes are either fixated on my ass or my tits. I think if I were to bend over the table right now, he'd fuck me good and proper.

The waiter leaves after several attempts at small talk. I'm assuming he's looking for an invitation into my bed by his not so subtle request to turn down my sheets for me. I sigh as the door shuts. It's too bad I'm not single; I have a compulsion to be bad.

After eating my dinner, I head into the bathroom and start the water. I dig through the toiletries on the counter and find the bubble bath. Next I wash my face and apply a hot wash cloth for a few minutes to open up my pores. Once that's done, I apply a face mask, step out of my clothes and sink into the hot, soothing bath water. The bubbles smell amazing and I feel all my muscles start to relax. I can't help but let my mind stray towards thoughts of Jacob's cock in the picture he sent me. I might not have seen it unclothed, but there was no way to miss how long and thick it is. My imagination is so vivid right now that I can practically feel it stretching me while he slides into me.

My hands run up my stomach and start fondling my breasts. My thumbs graze over the pebbled tips, making me even more turned on. My right hand ventures south while my left continues to play with my breast. I work my fingers over my clit nice and slow, feeling the tension building. I imagine its Jacob's magic hands, not my own, which causes a rush of pleasure to sweep through me. I'm getting close to climax and find it's harder and harder to slow it down. As soon as my thoughts turn back to him sliding in me, I insert two fingers in my sex and pretend it's his cock pumping in and out of me, effectively sending myself off the edge into an orgasm that causes me to moan loudly.

That felt so good. I have a feeling I'm going to become well accustomed to my hand for the next couple weeks. I continue to lie in the water until I'm thoroughly pruned. I dry off and wash the mask from my face. I dress in a pair of silky pajamas before crawling into bed and reaching for my phone. There's a missed call from Jacob. My heart skips a beat just thinking about his voice. I call back and he answers on the second ring.

"Hey, baby! I couldn't wait to hear your voice," he croons into the phone.

"I'm glad you called. I was just thinking about you," I nervously reply. Something about him tends to make me feel unsure and shy, like I'm an inexperienced teenager all over again.

"Were you now... was I doing anything particularly sexy?"

"You were...," I pause to add to the anticipation, "and then I came." I say bluntly. I want him to know the affect he has on me.

"Mmm... the thought of you coming apart for me is definitely intriguing. When did you say we can be together?"

"Almost two weeks. I can sneak away next Saturday for a few hours in the afternoon." I cross my fingers that Saturday will work for him. It's the only time I think I'll have and I really don't want to wait a whole other week to see him.

"Saturday is perfect. You could come to my condo in the city and maybe order in some takeout."

I start to panic. I don't think I can go to his condo. It seems too personal. Right now I'm enjoying living in a fantasy of great sex and great company. "I was thinking we could get a hotel room. I always wanted to try the Loews Madison."

He seems a little offended when he says, "Okay, sure if you don't want to come to my place I get it."

"Jacob, please don't read into this. I'm just not ready for that level of intimacy with you. Please try and be patient."

"Of course," he sighs into the phone. "I'd do anything for you, baby. Let's meet up at three. Does that sound good?"

After agreeing on when to meet, we proceeded to talk for hours about anything and everything. He entertained me with details of his niece's latest shenanigans, making him wear a feather boa and putting clips in his hair while the other one took pictures. He asked me how my book signings were going. He also admitted to reading both my books and liking them, which made me blush.

It felt effortless and natural to be talking with him. I couldn't believe how quickly we were able to fall back into step with each other. There was no awkwardness. Even the silences felt easy and comfortable.

Deep down I feel like another person. I don't feel like the uptight, boring Samantha Parker. I feel like the new and improved Sam Monroe. Somewhere along the way I started second guessing myself and not opening up to Aiden. Our sex life isn't bad, but it's not adventurous either. I know what to expect with him. He always makes sure to satisfy me, but the thrill isn't there anymore. With Jacob, though, I can feel myself opening up like a flower – slowly but surely, more layers are being exposed and I feel liberated and self-assured. Expressing my deep desires to him doesn't feel tawdry. Instead it feels like they have to be released. That the only way to be truly happy right now is to put myself in Jacob's hands.

## Chapter Six

The room at the Loews Madison Hotel is lush. The walls are covered with gray and white striped wallpaper. Off to the right is a gray velvet couch. Across from that is a king size bed with luxurious white and gray bedding. It's so opulent and serene. This is the perfect setting to put my nerves at ease.

There was no way I could have gone to Jacob's condo for this. I needed neutral territory to keep things in perspective. I can't risk feeling anything more for him than strong sexual desires. The man puts my stomach in knots and makes me hotter than I've been in a long time. I keep telling myself that this is just about scratching an itch, but the way I've been consumed with him lately is starting to prove me wrong.

The last two weeks have been wonderful. Jacob and I have spoken or texted every day. We've really gotten a chance to get to know each other better. Flying back last night, I was excited that the time had finally come for us to consummate this new found thing between us.

When I got home Aiden was lying on the big, white sectional in the family room watching baseball. I sat down to watch a few innings with him but there was no closeness there. It was like we were just old buds sitting around enjoying the game, not husband and wife. After not seeing me for two weeks, you'd think he would have been more excited to see me. The fact that he was aloof and distant makes it hard to feel guilty about what I've been doing. Jacob makes me feel sexy and important. If you get beaten down enough, you'll start to look other places to feel good again. Granted an affair is not exactly moral high ground, but I could be out doing drugs or drinking all the time looking to escape my despair. Although, I can't deny that Jacob could be considered another form of addiction.

I text Jacob the room number before walking into the all-white marble bathroom that has what I'm sure is a luxurious soaking tub. Too bad soaking is not why I came here today. Digging through my Frederick's of Hollywood bag, I get out the items I bought on my way into D.C. Aiden never cared if I wore lingerie. In the beginning of our relationship, I put a lot of effort into wearing stuff that I knew would make his heart race and his dick hard. After I while, I stopped trying so hard, all he ultimately wanted was me naked anyhow. It just made more sense to get to the final product sooner.

I make quick work of taking off my clothes and fastening up the red halter corset with attached garter. It's a jacquard print accented with Venice lace and has a matching red thong. I complete what I hope is an irresistible, sexy look with black nylons and black stilettoes. This is essentially the outfit I described to him when we first started emailing each other. I hope I look as good as he imagined I would.

Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, I start to feel a panic attack coming on. I'm beginning to hyperventilate and can't believe I'm really about to do this. If I allow myself to over think this, I'm most definitely going to lose my nerve. Texting and emailing is one thing, but once Jacob walks through that door I am officially a cheater. There's no way to rationalize my behavior once the deed is done.

I find myself rationalizing now, though. I wouldn't be doing this with just anyone. As long as Jacob was around, I have always wanted him. I'm drawn to him like a moth to flame. Somewhere in the back of mind I've often wondered "what if." Now is my chance to pursue that "what if" – if I'm being completely honest with myself. Continually feeding myself a line of bullshit about keeping things completely sexual is my way of hiding the fact that I secretly wish Jacob would ride in and sweep me off my feet. I know leaving Aiden should have been first on my agenda, but I got caught up in the excitement of being with Jacob and am still not ready to make that big of a decision yet.

Just as I get my breathing in check and start to calm down, there's a knock on the door. I move slowly, hoping to psyche myself up and take a deep breath before opening the door, placing my hand over my stomach to try and calm the butterflies there. Once the door is open, I do my most provocative pose. Right arm stretched up the length of the door and hip subtly cocked out. "I'm ready for my interview officer", I purr.

He visibly swallows and his gaze rakes over me, starting at my face and slowly moving down to my feet and then back up. The smile on his face is full of lust and his eyes sparkle with excitement. I take this moment to study him myself. He's wearing faded jeans that sit on his hips just right and his black t-shirt is tight, showcasing the spoils of his well spent time at the gym. His hair is tousled and I just want to run my fingers through it and pull him to me.

Before I can say anything else he pounces, pushing me up against the wall. His mouth crashes down on mine and the kiss he delivers is hard and demanding. We're both breathless when he finally pulls away. "Damn. What you do to me, Sam. Are you sure you want to go through with this? Because once I start, I won't be able to stop. Not with you looking this damn sexy."

Damn sexy? He just called me damn sexy! It's been so long since I felt that way. But I don't want to talk. That's not what this is about. This is about feeling wanted and anything other than lost and miserable. I don't want to be able to think about the consequences of my actions.

I murmur yes against his lips before pressing mine back to his. I suck his bottom lip into my mouth and it's like unleashing a beast. All of the sexual tension that has been building between us has officially snapped. Jacob takes the kiss deeper and runs his hands down my sides, over my bare ass. He slips a finger under the tiny scrap of fabric of my thong and through my slick folds.

"So wet," he murmurs his approval. "Are you always this wet, baby, or is it just for me?" Oh god. It's been so long, I feel a climax already starting to build as he spreads my wetness. A whimper escapes my lips as he circles my clit and all I can do is nod. It feels way too good.

He picks me up and lays me down on the bed. Before joining me on the bed, he reaches over his head and pulls his t-shirt off in the sexy way that guys do so well. As his weight settles over me, I can feel the heat radiating off him. His hard body pressed against my soft body is driving me insane. Judging from the rather large bulge pressed to my thigh, I'd say he's excited to see me as well. A giggle threatens to escape at the thought that I can do this to him even after all this time.

I run my fingers down his chest and over his six-pack, stopping at the button on his jeans. The grin on his face turns into a full blown smile at the promise of what's coming next. Reaching in, my hand grips his thick, hard cock and starts to pump up and down its length. He's slightly thicker than Aiden and I can't wait for him to be inside me. His eyes roll in the back of his head at the contact and his breath starts coming out in pants. He grabs my hands and pins them down over my head, effectively stopping my ministrations. "Not yet, baby. This will be over way sooner than I'd like if you keep doing that. I want to undress you first and see if you still make those sexy little moans you used to make right before you come." Well then. Who am I to complain about that?

He kisses first my forehead, then each eyelid, down my cheek to my jaw. His kisses are hot, wet and loving. Loving? No. I must be thinking way too much about this. There's no way he feels that way about me. This is just about sex – plain and simple. Shaking off those thoughts, I decide its best to focus on what his lips are doing. And what they're doing should be illegal. His tongue runs across my collarbone, over the curve at the top of my breasts. He runs a finger under each side of the corset, baring my breasts so that the corset pushes them up and displays them for him.

His tongue circles first my right nipple, then my left. They pucker even tighter and he takes turns sucking them deeply into his mouth. It's like an electric current straight to my pussy. "Your pretty, pink tits are perfect. I could suck them all day."

I'm not sure I can get any wetter at this point. I'm squirming underneath him with need. We really have to get this show on the road. I'm not sure I can stand much more foreplay.

Finally, he releases my breasts and removes my corset before kissing his way down my body. He hooks his fingers in each side of my panties and slides them down my legs. There's a momentary pause while he stares down at my bare pussy he just revealed. But it's only momentary because then his tongue licks along my slit and I'm lost in the sensations. Completely and utterly lost to the feel of his hands spreading me open, his hair brushing against my skin, his tongue in me, and his mouth sucking me. I feel like a bomb ready to explode.

My head falls back onto the bed and I scream, "Oh God! Jake! Jake, please!"

I'm not even sure what I'm begging for at this point, for him to fuck me? For him to continue what he's doing? This is absolutely glorious. His mouth continues to work my clit as he inserts two fingers into my pussy. I grab his hair and hold him to me. I'm not going to last much longer. He groans as my fingers twist tightly in his hair and next thing I know I'm coming harder than I ever have before.

My body slowly stops shaking and convulsing while his fingers wring out the last of my orgasm. I open my eyes to see him smiling and crawling back up my body. "Jacob, please. I need to feel you inside me," I beg as I push his jeans and boxers the rest of the way down his body. He really does have a magnificent body.

Our tongues tangle in a sensual kiss full of naughty promises. He's fucking my mouth with his tongue and taking complete possession of my body. He breaks away panting, resting his forehead against mine as he positions himself and slowly slides into me. My legs fall further apart to accommodate him. I feel so full, it's the most delicious feeling. His moan of pleasure gives me a mini-aftershock-orgasm. He stares into my eyes as he slowly rocks in and out of me. I can feel every inch of him, but it's not enough.

"Faster. I need it faster," I plead with him.

His pace picks up. Each time he plunges into me, my body is jolted with sensation. That familiar knot starts to coil deep in my stomach. I can't believe I'm going to come again so quickly. He laces our fingers above my body so that there is barely an inch of space between us and continues to give me what I so desperately need.

His rhythm becomes a little ragged and I know he's getting close. I close my eyes and wrap my legs around his waist so he's even deeper. God, I didn't think it could possibly feel any better, but it does.

"I need you to come with me, baby. Give it to me. It's all mine," he growls at me and reaches down between us to put pressure on my clit, making me explode into a thousand pieces. I'm vaguely aware when he pushes into me one, two, three more times before finding his own release.

His body settles fully on me while we both struggle to calm our sex-ravaged bodies. My hands drift up and down his back, while a hum of contentment escapes from my throat.

Once our breathing settles, he rolls off me and pulls me over so my head is on his chest and my arm is around his stomach. He lazily draws patterns on my hip with his index finger.

After what feels like forever, he softly kisses my head and whispers, "That was amazing, Sam. It was everything I hoped it would be. I want you to know I would have waited another sixteen years to be able to feel that with you again." His words are almost my undoing, but my body is so sated and his finger is lulling me into sleep. I decide to let it go for now, and drift off into slumber.

*****

I awake and slowly blink the sleep out of my eyes. The sun is fading, casting dark shadows in the room. I turn my head to see I'm alone in the bed. Lying on my stomach, staring non-seeing into the room, I remember how exquisitely fucked I was just a few hours ago.

The feel of his hard body over mine and his cock moving in and out of me, the sweat dripping off him as we both came. I feel myself getting turned on all over again, and he isn't even here touching me. Then I remember his muted words spoken right before I fell asleep.

I want you to know I would have waited another sixteen years to be able to feel that with you again.

I'm finding it hard to believe that Jacob could rescue me from the prison I've put myself in over the years, living the life of someone other than whom I feel I should be. Even if that is my true wish, wishes don't always come true.

The hotel room door opens and Jacob walks in carrying a couple bottles of water from a vending machine, setting them on a side table. He looks yummy as he walks to the bed with a wide smile on his face. Sitting next to me on the edge of the bed, he bends down and kisses my shoulder and then down my naked spine, stopping where the sheet lies just above my ass.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he murmurs in between those drugging kisses. My legs start to stir beneath the sheet and I'm tempted to take another ride before I have to leave.

"Hey. If you keep doing that, you're not going to be able to stop me from having my wicked way with you again and I need to leave soon." I sigh with frustration.

"Maybe that's exactly what I want." Running a finger up and down my spine, he stretches out next to me.

"I'm sure it is, but I have stuff to get done before I'm back on the road in a few days. I warned you I didn't have much time, but I would do my best to make this work," I reply, trying to fight the affect his touch is having on my willpower.

"It feels like I just got you back, and now you have to go away again. I'd much rather see your beautiful face, instead of dreaming of it. Will you have time to sneak away again before you fly out?"

"I'm not sure. We'll have to play it by ear. I don't know how much I have to give you, Jacob. And I'm not just talking about my time either. I've been going down this lonely path for a while now and I'm not sure where it's left me. Regardless of what we did today, I am still a married woman with commitments and responsibilities." I hate bringing up this fact, but I need the reminder out there that this isn't a fairytale. Its real life, and its messy.

He leans over and thoroughly kisses me before murmuring, "I know. And I'll take whatever I can get with you. It's better than having none of you."

With that parting blow, he kisses me one last time, grabs his keys and heads out. "Text me later, baby. I'll be waiting."

I sure hope I know what I'm doing, because it feels as though things are going to get extremely complicated.

*****

The rest of the weekend was uneventful. Aiden and I continued to dance around each other. He did kiss me goodbye as I was leaving to go to the airport though. I was a little shocked at his affection considering he barely paid attention to me after I got home the other night. He didn't even greet me with a kiss.

I tried to find time to see Jacob again but it just wasn't possible, which makes my leaving right now suck even more. Being with him felt incredible and I still can't understand how something so wrong could feel so unbelievably right. I have to be careful though. I can easily see myself falling for him and that just can't happen while I'm still tied to Aiden. Regardless of how he treats me, I still love him. I just wish I understood what went wrong.

Boarding the plane, I get a text from Jacob telling me to have a safe flight. He is so attentive. It makes me feel so good inside. I really do wonder if I would have been reduced to a pile of mush at his feet had my marriage been in a better place though. I mentally shake those thoughts from my head before they can get the better of me. I text him back a thank you with an XO, shut my phone off and put it in my purse before turning towards Michelle, who decided to grace me with her presence on this trip.

"I'm really not sure why you decided New York was the state you wanted to tour with me. It doesn't seem very noteworthy compared to some of the other places I'm booked for, especially Vegas." I love teasing her even though I'm grateful for her always supporting me.

"Well, I figured someone had to show you what a good time is. Besides, I could meet my future husband in New York. Some young, hot, unassuming beef cake that I never would have had the chance to meet if I didn't accompany my best friend on this luxurious trip." She laughs at my look of disbelief. "Come on. Give me more credit than that. I thought we could hike in the Adirondacks one day, pamper ourselves in a spa another day, and of course try to catch a Red Sox game when they play the Yankees this week," she says with a mischievous grin. Michelle is one of the main reasons I'm always caught in strange circumstances trying to get close to the players. She puts ideas in my head and then I'm forced to see them through.

"You don't need to tell me twice! I think we'll have a great time! Just try not to get me arrested this time around, a jail in NYC is not my idea of fun." I smile at her and get ready for takeoff.

"Please, I'd totally bail you out. And trust me Sam, when it's time to head to Vegas, I'll be sitting right next to you. Sin City and I are going to be real good friends!" Judging by the determination in her eyes, I'm fearful for what may happen when the time comes.

## Chapter Seven

A girl's day at the spa is just what the doctor ordered. We head to a great spa, called A Personal Touch, which we were turned on to by a local and are promptly brought into a locker room. I place our stuff in a locker before we both head back out to a lounge where there are plush chairs, a waterfall and a mimosa bar setup. Michelle heads straight to the booze.

Sitting in one of the chairs, I take the glass she holds out for me before she folds into the chair next to mine. "To life-long friends and fantastic orgasms," she says as our glasses clink together. I giggle after sipping my drink. I wouldn't trade Michelle time for anything. Or fantastic orgasms for that matter.

"So... you've been exceptionally quiet about Aiden lately. I was wondering if he finally ravished you on the kitchen counter like you so desperately needed. What else could explain the little glow you have going on whenever I catch you with a faraway look in your eyes?"

Oh shit. Could she actually be on to me? How is it that I have two fabulous orgasms a couple days ago and she sniffs it out like it just happened? Hopefully my game face will conceal my shock and horror at the prospect of her discovering my secret. There is no way I'm sharing it with her.

"No... no ravishing yet. How's your latest conquest going? What did you say his name was? Kyle?" Diversion is always the best tactic with Michelle. Once she starts talking about a man, there's no stopping her.

"Oh yes! Kyle! He was scrumptious if I do say so myself... and trust me, I do! He was packing girlfriend. I'm talking a solid nine inches of pure manliness. And boy did he know how to use it. I think I came more that night than I have with anyone else. I'm considering calling him when we get home to get some more action. We'll see what happens on this trip, though... a girl needs to keep her options open and go for the best deal. When I'm married, I need to make sure the package is good enough to last for years. I want to be seeing stars and having my world rocked, even at seventy."

"God, Michelle! You have issues! It's not all about how he rocks your world in bed. Did you have any connection with him outside the bedroom? What if he needs Viagra at seventy and you spend most of your time talking in the rocking chairs on your front porch? If you can't hold a conversation with him, what's the point?"

"I guess you have a point. You are such a party pooper, Sam. Can't I just fantasize about really hot sex without you always trying to ruin it for me?" She chastises me, but I can tell by the smile on her face that she doesn't really mean it.

Just then a woman comes in calling out my name. Guess it's time for my facial and wax. I firmly believe in pampering myself. I want to age gracefully and the key to that is to make sure my skin is well taken care of. It should be a staple for any woman in her thirties. I started in my late twenties just to be on the safe side. You can never be too careful.

I walk down the hall and into the treatment room. It's a nice size room with tranquil music being pumped in through the speakers. The neutral tones in the room and the dim lighting are peaceful and calming. She leaves me alone so I can change out of my clothes and into a terry cover up.

The woman returns with a pleasant smile on her face. "Hi. My name is Kathy and I'll be doing your facial today. Are there any areas that you're concerned with?" Kathy is a good looking woman with friendly eyes. Her shoulder length brown hair wisps out from her face. Her friendly demeanor immediately puts me at ease.

"Hi, Kathy. I'm Sam. My concern is cutting off wrinkles before they start. I'm afraid of aging poorly," I say as I lie back on the table for her to examine my skin.

"Looking at your skin, I'm sure you won't have too many problems with that. I have just the thing for you though. Lie back and relax. I'll take good care of you!"

For the next hour and a half I was properly pampered. I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time. The neck, arm and hand massage she gave me were like heaven and released a lot of built up tension. When she left me alone so the mask she applied could harden, I almost fell asleep it was so peaceful.

Next up is my bikini wax. Now that I'm planning on having sex on a semi-regular basis, I need to make sure to keep the landscaping in pristine condition.

The technician, Misti, was beautiful with long black hair that looked so soft and silky, I had to stop myself from reaching out to touch it. She was the most laid back person I've ever had "down there." She made me feel so at ease, for the most part I forgot all about the fact that she was as up close and personal with my girly bits as my OB/GYN.

I even found myself talking about Jacob with her. It felt so good to be able to talk about what was happening without being judged. I've had no one to share my feelings and thoughts with. What made it even better was the fact that she seemed to understand. Her advice was to go with my heart. She said it's risky in games of the heart, but that if I play my hand right, I could win everything I needed.

I know I'll eventually have to decide between the two men, I can't continue to have my cake and eat it too. But, for right now... this is good enough for me.

*****

After dinner, we head to the hotel bar for a few drinks. Cosmos are on the menu for us tonight. The only problem is they go down way too fast. After four Cosmos, I'm feeling loose and relaxed. Maybe a little too loose actually. When Michelle asks me if I've heard from Jacob since the book signing in Pennsylvania, I can't cover up my horror at having to discuss this with her.

"Um, no. Haven't heard anything." I stumble over my words and my eyes dart around the room, focusing on anything but her.

"I call bullshit! Damn it, Sam! Didn't I warn you to stay away from that man? He may be sex on a stick, but he will fuck up your life! Don't you remember what happened in high school? He cannot commit and has no problem walking away without looking back. I don't want to see you get hurt again."

"You are reading way too much into this," I lie. "He emailed me. No big deal. No one is going to get hurt. Please just leave this alone."

She grabs my hand and her eyes plead with me to take her seriously. "Please, _please_ , don't do anything stupid. You've been my best friend for twenty-five years. I've never steered you wrong before when it comes to something this serious. This has all the classic signs of blowing up in your face and causing wide-spread damage. I liken it to a tornado that will destroy everything in its path."

Tears well up in my eyes because she is voicing one of my deepest concerns. I nod and offer her a shaky smile before turning to my drink and attempting to change the subject. "The guy at three o'clock is staring at you."

This successfully saves me from having to talk about this anymore. I know she's right. By crossing this line, I'm putting all three of us in danger of getting hurt. It's an extremely selfish thing for me to do. Maybe I take after my mother more than I thought. After she left my father for good, using men became her favorite hobby. I always felt bad for the ones who genuinely cared about her because they were just one of many, no more important than the next. She ripped their hearts out and stomped on them, never giving a shit as long as her needs were met.

Apparently, I have a penchant for self-destructive behavior if I'm going to be following in my parent's footsteps. I'm sure they would both be so proud of that fact. My mother never understood why I wanted to settle down so young and spend the rest of my life with only one man. She said it was giving them too much control over my life and my destiny. At the time, I just considered her a bitter, old woman. Now I'm acting just like her. I guess the apple really doesn't fall to far from the tree.

After a few more hours and a couple more Cosmos, I'm safely ensconced in the warm, cozy bed in my hotel room. Despite my better judgment after our conversation earlier, I find myself calling Jacob.

"Hey, beautiful! To what do I owe the pleasure?" He answers in a tired and raspy voice. He must have been sleeping.

"Did I wake you? I may have had just a little too much to drink tonight and was thinking about you. I needed to hear your voice." I admit that more to myself than to him.

"I'm glad you did, baby. I always need you. What were you thinking about? You on your knees in front of me or me in between your legs? Maybe my lips meshed with yours in a passionate kiss? My cock sliding into you over and over again?" His voice is low, sending shivers up and down my spine.

"Jake..." I groan into the phone. "I'm officially turned on, but I don't want to take care of myself again. I want you to take care of it for me. I fly back day after tomorrow, can we get together after I'm back?" I whine.

"Anything for you, baby. Want me to pick you up at the airport?" He asks with a yawn.

"No, Michelle will be with me. I'll call you after I'm home and unpacked. We can finalize our plans then."

"Sounds perfect. I'm going on midnights this weekend, so don't worry about what time it is when you're ready."

"You sure? I don't want to screw you up," I ask with sadness taking over me. I really don't want to mess up his schedule, but the thought of not getting to see him is depressing.

"I've never been more sure in my life. I told you, Sam, I'd do anything to be with you."

A warm feeling settles in my stomach and I smile at the ceiling. This is the feeling I've been searching for. A feeling of contentment, knowing that I'm wanted and important to someone.

"Thanks. Go back to bed. I'll call you when I'm back in town."

"Sweet dreams," he whispers in a sexy way that only he can pull off.

The phone disconnects and I'm still lying there with a smile on my face. Heeding my friends warning just got a lot harder.

*****

The next morning, I meet Michelle down in the hotel restaurant. I know she's hung-over when she walks in with her sunglasses shielding her eyes from the sun that is streaming through the windows. I silently laugh at what a diva she looks like. Only she could pull this look off in a small town in Upstate New York.

"Morning, sunshine! Had too much to drink last night?" I tease.

"You have no idea! After you left the bar, the hottie with the bedroom eyes came over and I ended up drinking three more Cosmos. He asked me back to his hotel room but strangely, I couldn't bring myself to go. I couldn't get Kyle's face out my head. I felt like I would be settling with this guy. I don't know what came over me." She seems perplexed by her reaction to not accepting random sex. I know exactly what came over her though.

"Sweetie, you like Kyle. You have a connection with him, that's why you didn't hook up last night." I grab her hand while breaking the news to her. She's been looking so long for "Mr. Right" that I don't think she realizes that she might have found him in Kyle.

You can see the light bulb go off when what I'm saying sinks past the fog of her hangover. Her eyes widen and she looks terrified.

"Oh my god! You're right! What the hell am I going to do? I don't know how to have a relationship with anyone past a few dates!" Her voice is rising with her sudden panic and I can't help but laugh at her predicament.

"Sweetie, no one knows what they're doing when it comes to love. Just go with the flow and try not to over think it, especially this early on. When we get home, call Kyle and set up another date. Take it one step at a time and see where it goes." I give her hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go.

The waiter comes over and takes our orders and we start talking about the status of my latest manuscript. Michelle's phone chimes with an incoming text. After checking to see who it is, she excuses herself to make a call.

I sip my orange juice while staring out the window at the lavish gardens, lost in thought. The gardenias blooming out there would look perfect in the garden off the enclosed porch behind my house. Michelle startles me when she returns to the table.

"Bad news, lady. One of my authors is freaking out about his writer's block. I've got to head back and talk him off the ledge, hopefully figuratively and not literally. He's an odd bird that one. You just never know what you're going to get with him."

"That's okay. I appreciate you keeping me company for as long as you did, anyhow. Don't worry about me. I'll get a ride from Aiden or something when I get back to D.C." I reassure her, hoping she won't push the issue. I already know who I'm going to call for a ride. I can't wait to fly home tomorrow!

## Chapter Eight

Comfortability is key when flying. On my flight home, I'm wearing a comfy pair of yoga pants with a red, baby doll fitted Red Sox shirt and my hair is up in a messy knot on top of my head. I can't help but find myself jittery throughout the entire two hour flight.

My flight lands at two o'clock in D.C. and once we taxi on the runway, I'm anxious to leave the plane. Jacob said he'd be waiting at the luggage claim for me. My pulse is racing and my hands are clammy. I make my way out past security and spot him by the carousel. He looks gorgeous. He has on khaki cargo shorts and a navy blue t-shirt. His hair is tousled like he ran his fingers through it after his shower. I can't wait to tangle my fingers in it.

When he spots me through the crowd, his face breaks out in a wide smile showcasing his pearly whites. As soon as we make eye contact, I find myself running towards him just like in the movies. He stops walking towards me when he realizes I'm not going to stop and braces himself. I jump up in his arms and wrap my legs around his waist. He grabs my ass to hold me up, his fingers gripping me tightly and kneading the cheeks. My fingers do what they've been itching to do since I spotted him and grab his hair to pull his mouth to me.

Our tongues duel together in a kiss full of unreleased passion. It's as if we haven't seen each other in months rather than days. We are completely oblivious to the fact that we're in the middle of an airport with people watching us. My sex clenches as his hands dip slightly from my ass closer to my core. I need him now. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to wait. He's a complete intoxication for me, my body instantly responding whenever he's near.

Breaking the kiss, I murmur against his lips, "Jacob... I missed you. I want you to take me in the bathroom and fuck me."

His breath catches at my admission but he refuses me, "Unh huh. We're going back to my place where I can lay you out and take my time with you. This last week has sucked with you being so far away."

I think about the fact that he wants to take me back to his place for only a second. I swore I wouldn't lead myself into this kind of intimacy with him, but the promise of being with him is taking precedent over my need for self-preservation. I'll take him wherever I can get him at this point.

He sets me down and grabs my hand. We wait at the carousel for my bag for what feels like forever. His thumb rubs back and forth against my palm. It feels so sensual. If my luggage doesn't make an appearance soon, I'm going to have to drag him into the bathroom and relieve this ache building inside me. He won't have a say in the matter.

A few minutes later, I spot my bag. Jacob picks it up and leads me out to the parking garage. He stows my bag in the trunk before opening the passenger door of his black Dodge Challenger for me. This car is all sorts of fine. It makes me want to do naughty things to him both in it and on it.

"Your car is fucking hot, Jacob. I wouldn't mind if you took me on the hood right now." I bat my eyelashes at him before giving him a seductive smile. I wish I could get him to break his composure and just fuck me already.

"While it pleases me to no end that you like my pride and joy, I'm not going to get arrested for indecent exposure just because my car turns you on." He laughs before he leans in and traps me between the door and the car. His tongue glides along my bottom lip before his mouth crushes to mine. This kiss is no less passionate then the one we shared earlier. The pulsing between my legs starts back up again. My hands slide under his shirt to run along the muscles of his back. His skin is so smooth, the play of his muscles underneath turning me on even more.

I drag my nails down his back. I can feel the shudder that works through his body. His hips press harder into me before he pulls away from me and pushes me into the car. I latch my seatbelt while he walks around to the driver's side, stopping to adjust his erection. He starts the car and backs out, heading towards his condo in the city. His hand rests high on my thigh reminding me how good it feels to be touched by him.

"How much longer until we get to your place?" I ask innocently.

"I don't know, about twenty minutes depending on traffic," he replies before removing his hand from my thigh and turning on the radio.

I'm still incredibly turned on and don't want to waste another minute of our time together not being intimate. Resolved to be a little bad and do something I've always wanted to do, I reach over and unbutton his jeans, then lower his zipper.

He grabs my hand, trying to stop me. "Whoa, wait a minute! What do you think you're doing? I'm trying to drive."

His protest dies when I wriggle my hand free and slip it into his boxers, wrapping my fingers around his length. His breath shudders when I pull his cock out of his pants. His windows are tinted dark enough that even if someone looks over, there's no way they'll see what I'm doing.

I lick my lips before taking him in my mouth and sucking deeply. His hand sits on the back of my head guiding my movements up and down. I stroke him with my right hand while my mouth continues working him over. His breathing grows heavy and the groans in the back of his throat are getting louder. I move my hand from his shaft to his balls. They're hard and tight, and I know he's going to come at any minute.

I keep sucking as hard and deep as I can. I know just how he likes it and I want nothing more than to give it to him. Being naughty makes me feel so good.

His hand grips my head tighter as he grits out, "I'm going to come, Sam." He pushes my head down so he's deep in my throat in time for him to release himself. I swallow down every last spurt of his come before pulling away and licking my lips.

Jacob sighs and his head falls back to the headrest. "Damn, that was perfect. I think I just died." He laughs as I tuck him back into his pants before fastening them back up. My panties are drenched now, but at least we're almost to his place. That was a perfect way to kill some time.

Jacob parks the car in his reserved spot in the underground parking garage. As soon as we're out of the car, he bends down and throws me over his shoulder before smacking my ass and hurrying to the elevator. As we ride up to the fifteenth floor, I decide to bite his ass since he refuses to put me down.

After we walk into his apartment he throws me down on the couch and removes his shirt before lowering himself over me. His weight pushes me into the cushions and it's such a wonderful feeling. He's so strong and masculine, which makes me feel small and protected. My hands glide up his toned back and around to his stomach. My fingers trace the outline of each muscle there before running up his pecks. This man is beautiful and for a little while he's all mine.

He slides my shirt up over my head before pulling my pants and underwear down my legs. He spreads my thighs before lowering his head and licking the wetness from my slick folds. My head pushes into the cushions as soon as his tongue touches me. This is sheer ecstasy. He continues to work me over, inserting first one, then two fingers. They pump in and out of me at a perfect speed, sending me all that much closer to my release.

Just as I'm about to go over the edge, he pulls away and crawls up my body. His hands go in between us to unbutton his pants. He pushes them down just far enough for his cock to spring free. He rubs it back and forth over my clit, wetting himself with my juices. He kisses me and I can taste myself on his tongue. It sends me into overdrive. I grab his ass and push him until he slides into me. I love that moment when he's fully seated in me. I can feel myself stretching to accommodate him. All I want to do is lose myself in this moment... in him.

He rears back and slams into me eliciting a long moan from me. He grabs my right leg and pulls it up over his shoulder so that he can reach even deeper. As he continually thrusts into me, there is no way I'm going to be able to stop my freight train of an orgasm. I feel like I'm going to splinter apart into a millions pieces.

Jacob pushes his head into my neck and I can feel his breath panting against my skin. He runs his tongue lightly up my neck to my ear where he bites on my ear lobe. I can't hold back any longer. My pussy convulses around his cock. My eyes close with the weight of the sensations coursing through my body. Jacob keeps working his cock in and out, moving closer and closer to his own release. He shouts my name and collapses on top of me while our breathing returns to normal.

His lips brush across my collarbone, sending chills across my skin. I think this was even better than last time. My body is sated and my bones feel like jelly.

He kisses my lips one last time, before helping me up so I can clean up in the bathroom. I take my bra and boy-short panties with me. There's no point in getting completely dressed when I know I'll just end up naked again anyway.

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I almost don't recognize the person staring back at me. She looks happy – her lips swollen, her hair mussed, and red marks across her skin from Jacob's stubble. I wish I could hold this moment close for a long time.

Jacob's sitting in his boxers on the couch with the game on when I return to the living room. I settle down next to him with my feet in his lap. He hands me a beer from the table and we watch in a companionable silence.

His condo is nice in a manly kind of way. The living room furniture consists of a couple tables, a couch and two recliners. His furniture is dark leather. The walls are beige with a few photos sprinkled here and there. His television is a massively big unit mounted to the wall with an oversized stereo and a few other electronic items on shelving underneath it. It's everything you'd expect in a bachelor's pad. All in all, the place suits him.

During the seventh inning stretch, his hands start massaging my feet and I can't help the groan that escapes my lips. It feels so damn good and his hands really are magic.

I pull my feet away and straddle his lap, my knees resting on the cushions at each side of his hips, his semi-erect cock nestled right where I need it most. My hands run up his chest while my lips kiss down his jaw and over his neck. I suck lightly on his nipples. His cock hardens even more against me, causing me to roll my hips and rub myself up and down on it. My head falls back and his lips start sucking where my neck meets my shoulder.

The sensations drive me to rub myself faster on him. I feel like a teenager, dry-humping him on the couch, but it feels so good I can't stop. He grabs my hips and pushes me harder on him. I can feel an orgasm building, my muscles coiling tight in that familiar way I'm beginning to crave. He kisses down my chest and sucks my nipple into his mouth, wetting the silk fabric of my bra. His tongue flicks out over my nipple expertly and I feel it deep in my core. I keep rubbing myself against him as hard as I can until I fly apart in his arms. My body shakes and shutters while he keeps moving my hips up and down, prolonging my orgasm.

I slump against him, my head on his shoulder as I come down from the high. I haven't come dressed like this in a long time, but that doesn't make it any less delicious.

His hands grab my ass and knead my cheeks. He taps my leg, silently telling me to get up. I stand in between his legs and lower my underwear down, kicking them off with my feet. I reach down and grab the elastic band of his boxers. He raises his hips so I can slide them down his legs before straddling him again. I reach down and guide him to my opening before slowly sliding down over him.

He's so deep in this position, I feel him hitting my cervix. The pain makes it all the more pleasurable though. I lift myself so that just the tip remains inside me before slamming back down on him. His hands grab my hips and guide me up and down his length roughly.

"Sam, baby, keep going... I want to come with you," he rasps out in between heavy breaths.

His head rolls on the back of the couch, his eyes burning into mine. This moment is so intense I find myself holding my breath. The look in his eyes is deep and intimate. This goes beyond lust. In this moment, our connection is a tangible thing that can't be denied. I speed up, grinding myself down on him so that the friction hits my clit, right where I need it.

"I'm going to come, Sam... how close are you baby?" His voice is laced with desperation. He's holding back his release so that I can find mine.

"Close... so close." I'm in a frenzy. I can't stop moving... faster and faster... trying to reach my climax.

"Tell me what you need to get you there," he speaks passed clenched teeth.

"You... just you," I pant against his lips. My desperation is clawing at me from the inside out.

His grip on my hips tightens and he slams me down on him while thrusting up at the same time. It's enough to send me over the edge, where he promptly follows me into bliss. I can feel his cock twitching and pulsing as he bathes my inner walls with his seed. It's the most delectable feeling.

My head lies against his shoulder. There is no way I can move at this point. I'm completely spent. He turns his head and kisses my hair before telling me everything I want to hear, yet everything I'm terrified of hearing.

"Making love to you keeps getting better and better. You've ruined me, baby. I'm yours... you've got me under your spell."

Last time we had sex I knew things were getting complicated. Too bad complicated was an understatement.

## Chapter Nine

It's been a month since I first went to Jacob's house. A month that I've been avoiding the fact that he thinks we made love... and the fact that I've ruined him... and let's not forget the fact that he's mine. I'm sticking with my motto that ignorance is bliss. I'm not ready to make a decision about him or Aiden, so I'm avoiding the fact that I have feelings for both men.

Yes, I've finally admitted that I have feelings for Jacob. Unfortunately, it's hard to ignore. When I'm not with him, I miss him and constantly think about him. I look forward to hearing his voice or feeling his lips against mine. When I'm with him, the rest of the world ceases to exist. It's just the two of us. He makes me feel wanted and cherished. It's like I'm a different person all-together. I'm finding it harder and harder to reconcile the fact that this is wrong.

I have an obsession with making him feel good, too. I might not be able to verbally express my feelings like he does, but I can certainly show him how I feel. And I do just that... with my hands, my mouth, and my pussy. I've become insatiable when I'm with him. And the longer this affair goes on, the more driven I am to be with him as much as possible.

Jacob has a surprise for me today. He asked me to meet him at his condo at ten. I'm anxious to see what we'll be doing. Last night he texted me to let me know I needed to dress casually. I decided on a pair of denim capris and a red tank top. My hair is pulled up into a knot on the top of my head and I'm wearing a pair of white Ked sneakers.

I knock before opening his door. Jacob tried to give me a key to his place, but I just couldn't bring myself to take it. I compromised by agreeing to just let myself in, rather than waiting for him to open the door.

"Hello. Anybody home?" I call out when I don't immediately see him.

"Be right out!" He answers from the bedroom. I make my way into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. His kitchen is small, but nice. Stainless steel appliances and gray granite countertops finish the space out nicely. It looks as if nothing has been touched. Either he doesn't use it much or he's a clean freak. Judging by what I already know of him, I'm going with the former.

Jacob walks into the room and heads straight for me, wrapping me up in his arms before planting a firm kiss on my mouth. My arms wrap around his neck, my mouth opens and our tongues glide against one another. I moan in his mouth, causing him to pull away. "There's no way we're going to make it to our destination in time if you keep that up, baby."

I pout at him, which makes him swat me on the ass and laugh, but he doesn't release me.

"Where are we going anyway? You know I hate surprises," I ask with hopes he'll spill his secret.

"You aren't going to get me to spoil the surprise, so stop pouting and let's get going." He swats my ass one last time before dragging me out the door.

"You have a thing for my ass, don't you?" I'm really beginning to love it when he does that.

"You have no idea, baby," he grins and squeezes my ass cheek really hard before picking me up over his shoulder and heading towards the elevator.

*****

The Challenger flies along Highway 295 and I focus my attention at watching the scenery fly by. I'm trying to figure out where we are going, but there are just too many possibilities. Jacob reaches over and threads our fingers together before placing a kiss on the back of my hand. He rests our entwined hands on his leg. A sigh of contentment escapes my lips, which causes him to grant me one of his gorgeous smiles.

"Want to play the license plate game?" He asks after a few minutes of silence.

I giggle thinking about the silly game we all used to play as kids whenever we went on a road trip with our parents. "Sure. I'll go first.... Oh! There's one from Kentucky... Oh wait! And there's one from Georgia!"

He chuckles at my enthusiasm and the rest of the trip we continue to play the game, both of us trying to one-up each other with how many different license plates we can find. I feel happy and carefree. It's been the perfect day so far.

Once we get into Baltimore, I start brimming with excitement. I know the Red Sox are in town and have a feeling he's taking me to their afternoon game!

"Oh my god! Tell me you have tickets!" I scream as I bounce up and down in my seat.

"Yeah, babe, I got us tickets on the third base line so you'll be close to the dugout. I know how much you love getting close to the players." He laughs at me as I clap my hands in anticipation.

This really is a fantastic gift and I'm floored by how thoughtful he was to get us close to the visitor's dugout. To show my gratitude I lean over and kiss his jaw. "Thank you. This is perfect, just like you."

Our seats are five rows back from the dugout and must have cost him a fortune. I'll definitely be showing him some appreciation after the game. Maybe I'll gift him with a strip tease tonight before letting him take me from behind. That always gets him going. I'm sure it's because he likes seeing my ass while he takes me.

We arrive in time to catch most of batting practice. He grabs my hand and leads me down next to the field where I'm able to get the signatures of a couple of the players that are nice enough to stop as they walk by on the way to the plate. Jacob was even considerate enough to bring a little notepad and pen for me so that I could get their signatures. He thought of everything.

When the second baseman, Pedroia, stops and signs my book, I'm able to hug him and peck a kiss on his cheek. When he walks away, I have a dreamy smile on my face, my arms twined in front of me as I rock back and forth with glee. "I've waited my whole life for this," I breathe contentedly.

Jacob laughs at me before ruining my high. "Babe, that isn't the first Red Sox player you've hugged or kissed. You are such a goof."

I swat his arm, give him a mock glare and pretend to be angry, but there is no ruining my mood today. "You're such a spoil sport!"

The rest of practice he stands behind me with his hands on the railing in front of me, caging me in. I lean back and soak up his warmth. I love being close like this. I turn my head and pepper his throat with soft kisses before turning in his arms and sliding mine around his waist. His arms wrap around my back and he pulls me tightly to him so that I can feel his erection. I rest my head on his chest, smiling at how insatiable he is when he's with me.

I look up into his sparkling, green eyes and find myself lost in them. Jacob clears his throat and I realize his eyes are now smiling. "See something you like?" He teases me for staring at him.

"Nah... nothing special," I shrug and tease him back. "Want to grab some grub before the game starts?"

He swats me on the ass before leading us up to the concession stands. We stay entwined with each other like we can't get enough of one another. My arms are wrapped around his waist and his hands are in my back pockets cupping my ass. We each order a cup of beer and a hotdog before settling in our seats. I'm amazed by how comfortable I am with him. It feels like we've been together for years. There are no awkward moments between us. The only other person I've ever felt this close to is Aiden. I feel guilty even thinking that way, but it's true. I can't deny the pull between us. Is it possible to feel this strongly about two people?

I take a bite of my hotdog and Jacob reaches over and runs his thumb along the edge of my bottom lip, causing my breath to catch. He knows what he's doing. I can see the interest flare in his eyes when he sticks his thumb in mouth and sucks on it. "You had some mustard on your lip," he murmurs before leaning in and kissing me thoroughly.

I'm breathless and clinging to his shirt when he pulls away. The familiar throbbing has started between my legs and I'm so turned on, I could take him right here, right now with hundreds of people watching.

"Keep looking at me like that and we won't be watching the game, Sam." Jacob warns before sliding his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder and he kisses my hair.

"That really isn't fair, Jake. You're trying to drive me crazy and its working. I'm ready to drag you into the bathroom to fuck you in a stall," I say as I slip my hand down to his groin and grasp his semi-erect penis. He grabs my hand and pulls it away. "Now, now. No need to get me all worked up too!"

"Fine, but you owe me a mind-blowing orgasm, so don't forget." I'm pouting like a two year old and I don't care how unattractive it is.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll take care of you. You can count on that." His fingers pull my chin up so he can plant a soft, sweet kiss on my lips.

The Sox are up by three and Papi just hit a home-run. I'm jumping up and down screaming my head off. Jake is next to me laughing at how enthusiastic I get during the games.

I sit back down and he points out a girl a couple rows over, playing on her iPhone. "Look at her. If she's not careful, she's going to get hit with a foul ball." No sooner does he say that, then the attendant handing out peanuts throws a bag at the person behind her, missing and hitting the girl smack dab in the middle of her head. I spit my beer out, laughing so hard I can barely breathe. That was hysterical.

"Oh my god!" I gasp between laughs. "You totally jinxed her!" He laughs as well, while the girl is so embarrassed it looks like she is going to cry.

The rest of the game passes uneventfully and my beloved Red Sox win 10-2.

Walking back to the car, hand in hand, I realize this was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I stop walking which causes him to stumble back when his arm is met with resistance. "What's wrong?" He asks with concern. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. "Thank you for today. It was spectacular. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Well, it's not done yet. If I remember correctly, I owe you a mind-blowing orgasm. And since you're so grateful for my surprise, I'm thinking you might be blessed with more than one." He runs his index finger down my nose and flicks the tip before leading me back to the car.

All my girly bits start dancing around in excitement and a rush of wetness settles between my legs. It's going to be a long drive back to the city.

*****

True to his word, Jacob blessed me with not one, but four mind-blowing orgasms after we got back to his place. One was delivered in the kitchen, one on the living room floor and two in the shower. You will hear no complaints out of me.

We're lying in his bed wrapped up in each other. I'm not sure where his body ends and mine begins.

"Can I ask you a question without you getting upset?" He asks while he continually wraps my hair around his fingers.

"I guess so," I reply warily. I'm not sure I'm up for pillow talk right now.

"Why did you decide to be with me? Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not grateful you did, but I've been curious this whole time about what's going on between you and Aiden."

I sigh loudly. I should have seen this coming. Of course he wouldn't want to stay in the dark forever. Seeing as how I'm naked in his bed right now, I probably owe him some sort of explanation.

"At some point we started to drift apart. We were trying to get pregnant for a few years and when it didn't happen I started second guessing everything. I started thinking maybe it was a sign that we weren't meant to be together. Maybe I was meant for more." He senses the sadness in my voice and twines his fingers with mine to silently show me his support.

"Anyway, while I was feeling that way, Aiden started resenting me for giving up. He's always wanted to be a father and I think he blamed me for the problem. Over time, things disintegrated so much between us that now it's like we're roommates. Even when he's there I feel so damn alone." It feels good to share this side of my life with him. Until now, I've kept it separate from my time with him.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, baby. It makes me so fucking mad to think that he has this wonderful gift and takes it for granted. I could never treat you like that."

Tears start to well up in my eyes at the sincerity behind his words. I desperately want to tell him that he makes all the pain go away. I want him to know how much I've grown to care about him, but I'm afraid to lay myself bare. If I did and then he finally realized that I'm not good enough for him, I'd die. I can't open myself up to the possibility of being hurt.

Instead of saying all the things going through my mind, I pull him closer to me and wrap myself back around him. I breathe a sigh of contentment at how peaceful I feel in his arms. I'm just starting to doze off when his phone signals he has a text message. He reaches over me to the side table where his phone sits. After reading the text, he turns to me with a look of concern.

"It's my sister, Emma. She's going to be in the city tomorrow and wants to have dinner with us."

A lump forms in my throat at the prospect of meeting his sister, who he is obviously close with. This is dangerous territory. "Jake... how does your sister even know about me?" I ask carefully, not sure if I'm ready for his answer.

"Well, she knows I'm seeing someone. I had to tell her, especially after she quizzed me about why I've been so happy lately. It's not like I told her you're married or anything." He pulls away from me and it's obvious he's offended by my question.

I reach for him, but he gets up and pulls his jeans on, only buttoning them enough to keep them on before he stalks from the room. I grab his t-shirt off the floor and pull it on. I follow him out to the living room where he sits on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but I wasn't expecting his sister to know anything about me. Once people start knowing, we are officially a couple. Problem with that is I'm already a couple, with Aiden. I'm afraid we are getting too serious. Michelle was right, this affair is likely to cause wide-spread damage.

I kneel down in front of him and pull his hands away from his head. He looks so defeated and the light in his eyes is gone. His jaw is set and I know he's angry.

Holding his hands in mine, I plead with him, "Please don't be angry. I was just caught off guard by your request. I wasn't expecting you to want me to meet your sister. I'm scared that it might be too much, too fast."

"Sam, I'm not sure we are on the same page here, so let me spell this out for you. I like you. I like spending time with you. I like pleasing you. I like holding you. I like kissing you. I'm ready for more with you. You're the one who's holding us back. We've been seeing each other for a couple months. This is how relationships progress." He sighs before standing up and walking to the patio doors. He braces his hands on the glass and bows his head.

I'm not sure how to proceed. I know he's right, but I'm not ready to give in. I can't bring myself to walk away though. I stand there for what seems like forever, trying to make a decision. I have no clue what the right answer is. But if meeting Emma will appease him, I guess I can suck it up and do it. It's just dinner. We can pretend for one night that there isn't all this baggage weighing in on us.

I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around him, resting my cheek on his back and my hands on his chest. I plant a kiss between his shoulder blades before giving him what he wants. "Let's do dinner. I'm sorry I freaked out. This is just really hard on me and I'm not sure how to handle all this."

He turns around and kisses me hard and possessively. When I look in his eyes, I see hope there and I'm afraid I might have just made a promise bigger than just dinner. There's no going back now, though.

*****

Sipping coffee while sitting out on my enclosed porch, I stare off into the woods behind our house remembering the events from the night before. Standing in Jacob's kitchen cooking dinner last night felt surreal. I'm not used to cooking in a kitchen other than my own. It was as if we were playing house. The fact that I enjoyed it makes me even more torn over what I want out of life.

Originally, I thought I could make my affair with Jacob strictly about sex. Fulfilling the needs that Aiden was refusing to satisfy and feeling good about myself in the process was my end goal. I wanted to feel sexy and needed. I wanted an orgasm that wasn't self-induced. I know that thinking is selfish, but I fell victim to temptation. I'm ashamed to admit that it's a part of life – wrong or right.

Then feelings started coming into play, and I thought maybe Jacob could be my white knight and save me from the life that's been caging me in. The problem with that is, I'm afraid to let go and see if that could be the case. I'm afraid to hurt Aiden. I'm afraid to hurt Jacob. And most of all, I'm afraid that it will be a mistake and that I'll regret my decision. No matter how hard I look for a solution, it keeps evading me.

I was so nervous last night while preparing dinner in Jacob's kitchen. I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to be put in that position. I was standing at the stove, stirring the ingredients in the pan, when Jacob came up behind me, pushed my hair over my shoulder and kissed me behind my ear before his lips trailed down my throat. A moan emanated from deep within my chest.

"Jacob, you can't do that to me when I'm trying to cook. You'll make me lose my concentration." A shudder wracked through me as his tongue glided up my neck and circled my outer ear.

"You're too strung out about having dinner with my sister. I need to loosen you up a little." He reached around me and turned the burners down before picking me up and setting me on the counter. He pushed my legs apart so he could stand in between them. He ran his hands up my arms and threaded them in my hair before plundering my mouth in a soul searing kiss.

When he broke the kiss to trail his mouth down my neck, his hands started lifting my skirt up my legs. His fingers hooked in my panties, pulling them off.

"I need to finish cooking so we can eat," I protested weakly.

"Spread your legs, baby. I know exactly what I want to eat," he murmured as he bent down, hooked my legs over his shoulders and his tongue proceeded to lick through my folds. My head fell back into the cabinet behind me, my fingers lacing through his hair to hold him to me. His mouth devoured me – licking, sucking and biting everywhere – until I was crazy with need.

"Jake, I want to come with you inside me," I begged but there was no stopping him. He was a man on a mission and his determination was all for my benefit.

My orgasm was like a tight thread snapping, all the tension leaving my body. My toes curled with its force and a litany of curses flew out of my mouth as my body convulsed.

Jacob looked up at me, my juices still wet on his mouth, and smiled. "See, now don't you feel better?" He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and helped me down.

"Don't worry. She'll love you. There's no way she won't," he reassured me while trailing his fingers down my cheek.

He left the room after placing a gentle kiss to my lips, leaving me to salvage dinner. When I heard the knock on the door, I started panicking. I realized I still had my wedding rings on and hastily pulled them off and stuffed them in my purse. I ran my hands down my green empire waisted dress, checked my hair in the mirror hanging on the wall and then went out to the living room, to where Jake was, in order to greet her.

Emma was lovely, absolutely stunning. There is no mistaking she is Jacob's sister, with her dark hair and vivid, green eyes. Their family has some good genes.

"You must be Sam. My god, you're gorgeous." She grabbed me in a hug and then held me at arm's length looking me over. "Jacob, I approve! Now come here and give your sister a hug!"

Fortunately, Emma was in town for business, so the rest of her brood wasn't with her. I don't know if I could have handled meeting her husband and kids. It might have made things a little too real for my liking. Baby-steps, that's what I was doing to make it through these awkward situations. Baby-stepping my way through their completion. It's the only way I could survive being so overwhelmed by the enormity of the serious direction our relationship kept taking me.

Dinner passed by quickly. I served Chicken Marsala with pasta and a side salad. Most of the time I fielded questions from Emma about my books. She's an avid reader and loves my series. She was beside herself with the fact that she brought us back together when she told him about my book signing and how she was sad she couldn't go, which was what prompted him to seek me out.

"Sam, you should write your next book about star-crossed lovers who were reunited by a beautiful, sexy older sibling. And, of course, the sibling should be based on me! I think I'd make a wonderful muse," she joked at one point.

"Emma, you might have told me where Sam would be but it was my decision to go after the girl," Jacob responded with a wink, causing her to pout at having the wind taken from her sails.

"Okay. You can just name your first born child after me then," she cheerfully announced causing me to choke on my food. Until that point I was just sitting back and enjoying their easy camaraderie. Now I was looking for the fastest way to get the hell out of that apartment without looking completely unhinged.

"Damn it, Emma! You're taking things too far. Please just ignore her, Sam." Jacob looked like he was as nervous about her request as I was. Thank god I don't have to field that issue with him. There is no way in hell we are having children together. The lines between us might be blurred, but there is no way I'm going to erase them completely.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to have a little fun," Emma stated guiltily. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel bad about her poor attempt at a joke. I reached over and grabbed her hand and assured her everything was fine. Jacob gave me a relieved smile. He must have been worried I would hate his sister for her comment.

The rest of the conversation focused on cute and somewhat embarrassing stories of Jacob growing up. You could tell how much the two of them loved each other and that they were really close growing up. Being an only child I missed out on having that type of bond with a sibling. The closest thing I had to a sibling was Michelle.

When she was leaving, Emma hugged me again and whispered in my ear, "Take care of my brother. I've never seen him so taken by someone before. I think he's in love with you. You two are perfect together."

I could feel the color draining from my face as I excused myself to start cleaning up the kitchen. That moment was when I decided that I was in over my head. I have no idea where to go from here and I'm completely terrified because I'm in love with him too. It reminds me of the old seventies song my mom used to listen to, "Torn Between Two Lovers."

## Chapter Ten

Today is the annual summer picnic for Aiden's company. My presence is expected and I'm a little nervous about spending the day with him around people who have known us for so long. What if the chasm between us is easily noticeable? I don't want people at his work gossiping about us.

I'm dressed in a pale yellow sundress that hugs my curves before flaring out around my legs. I'm wearing white wedge heeled sandals and my hair is pinned back loosely with soft tendrils framing my face.

I head down the stairs towards the kitchen where I know Aiden will be waiting for me. When I walk into the room he lets out a whistle and grins suggestively at me. "Wow! You look stunning sweetheart!"

I'm totally taken aback by his compliment and the enthusiasm behind it. Has a pod person taken over my husband?

"Thanks. I bought this dress just for today." I twirl around to show him the back. He walks over and wraps me up in his arms and kisses me. His tongue parts my lips and dips insides. My arms wrap around his neck and hold him to me while he makes love to my mouth.

All too soon the kiss is ending and I'm left breathless, clinging to him. We haven't kissed like that in I don't know how long, and I've missed it. He smiles at me and I can't help but return it. Maybe today isn't going to be so bad after all.

"Let's go get this over with so I can get you back home and fuck you ten ways to Sunday," he whispers in my ear before leading a dumbstruck me out the door to the car.

The picnic is in full swing when we get there. Everyone is in good spirits as we mingle, saying hello to familiar faces. Aiden is attentive throughout most of the day. He always seems to have a hand either on the small of my back or holding mine. It's almost as if he's afraid to let me get too far away from him. Numerous times throughout the day, he's kissed me when we made eye contact. I can't help but be confused by this turn of events.

Part of me is angry with him. Why couldn't he have shown me this much affection over the last year? Things might not have gotten so out of control if he had. Not that I can totally blame my indiscretions on him, but it was certainly the driving force behind my affair.

Another part of me wants to soak up all this attention and keep it locked away forever. I've been craving his touch and I've missed our connection. The feelings I have for him still run deep.

And yet another part of me feels guilty for enjoying the way we're acting today. If Jacob knew how Aiden was making me feel, he'd lose it. I can just imagine the anger in his eyes, the hard set of his jaw, his hands fisted at his sides. Most of all, I can picture all too clearly the hurt and disappointment on his face.

Shaking those thoughts off, I head towards the building that houses the bathrooms. As I walk by a shed, I yelp when someone grabs my arm and pulls me to the side of the building. A strong arm wraps around my waist pulling me against a solid chest. I'm about to scream bloody murder when I realize its Aiden.

Before I can ask him what he's up to, his mouth crashes down on mine. Our tongues tangle, our hands explore, and our bodies strain to get closer to each other. I'm so lost in the moment, it completely escapes my attention that we could be caught at any point in time.

Aiden breaks the kiss, his voice husky as he says, "Sam, I want to lift this skirt and sink deep into your body and stay there for days."

"What's stopping you?" I ask with a shaky voice. I would drop my panties right now if he asked me to.

"Fuck! Come here." He drags me around the back of the building where we are less likely to be seen.

His hand slides under my skirt and pushes aside my panties. His finger pushes inside me, causing me to moan loudly. "Shh! If you want this you need to be quiet."

His finger starts working in and out of me, while his thumb rubs against my clit. The fact that we could be caught at any moment is fueling my impending orgasm. His other hand pinches my nipple hard, causing me to fly unexpectedly over the edge. There is no doubt Aiden knows exactly how to give my body pleasure.

Before I have a chance to come down, he spins me around, places my hands against the building, lifts my skirt and moves my panties to the side before plunging into me. I'm so far gone, I didn't even realize he undid his pants.

I bend farther over, welcoming his quick thrusts. His cock feels absolutely amazing. He leans over me, one hand diving into my dress to play with my breasts while the other dips into my panties to work my clit. This moment is so hot and passionate, I'm not surprised by how quickly another orgasm is coming. I push back into each thrust. His balls slapping against my pussy only increase my desire.

Aiden applies more pressure on my clit and at the same time he bites me where my shoulder meets my neck and I lose it. His climax follows mine and he has to hold me up to keep my legs from giving out. That was so fucking intense, I can't believe I survived it.

"That was fucking amazing," he whispers in my ear. "I missed you so much sweetheart. What do you say we head home for round two?"

I look up at him while fixing my dress and the look on his face makes my heart squeeze. It's one of complete love and adoration. I'm fighting back tears at the enormity of my situation. If I speak, my voice will betray me, so I just nod and follow him out to say our goodbyes.

*****

As soon as we get home, I head for the master bathroom. I need a moment to collect myself. I have no idea what happened today, but it was amazing. Remembering the way Aiden took me behind the shed, sends chills down my spine. It was fast, it was heated and it was perfect. Being with him again reminds me of how great we are together.

I didn't even think about Jacob for most of the day, and that makes me feel guilty. I never thought it would be possible to feel guilty over having sex with my husband, but it feels almost like I'm cheating on Jacob. How backwards is that?

A knock on the door breaks me out of my revelry. "Come in."

"Is everything alright?" Aiden asks as he opens the door.

"I'm fine. Just wanted to freshen up." I muster up a smile and follow him out into the bedroom.

Aiden comes up behind me as I take off my jewelry at the dresser. He slowly raises my dress, forcing my arms up over my head. I watch in the mirror as he unclasps my bra, throwing it to the side. His hands cup my breasts, his thumbs brushing across my nipples making them erect. My head falls back against his shoulder as I watch the erotic picture in front of me. This is what should have happened after the wedding.

"You're so perfect," he murmurs while watching what his hands are doing to me in the mirror.

He kisses a path starting behind my ear, down my neck and across my shoulder. All the while his hands continue tormenting my breasts, making me weak and my breathing labored. His left hand slides down my body, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I watch with hooded eyes as his hand slides into my panties, his finger dipping in between my folds, working the moisture that's collected around my clit.

"Honey, you're so wet. Is this turning you on, watching me finger you like this?" He whispers in my ear causing a new rush of moisture to settle between my legs.

I whimper in response. "Please Aiden, I need to feel you inside me."

He removes his hand from my panties and slips them down my legs. His hand grabs mine and leads me over to the bed. "This time we do it properly. I want to feel your body beneath mine and your legs wrapped tightly around me."

He lifts me and places me gently in the bed before removing his clothes. He takes his time exploring my body, sucking my breasts, running his tongue from my anus up to my clit. After tasting me, his tongue continues up my body, circling around my naval, up the center of my chest to my neck, before he hovers over me on his forearms. His legs nudge mine wider so he can slip in between them. My hips tilt up as he slides into me.

In this moment, nothing else exists. I'm no longer a hussy having an affair behind my husband's back. My marriage is no longer troubled. It's just me and him and it's astounding.

We rock together, in perfect sync until we both come at the same time. We find our release while gazing into each other's eyes. Our connection has never been stronger. Our love has never been more deep.

Aiden gets up to let Hugo out before returning to the bed to hold me close. Not long after he falls asleep, I hear my phone go off, alerting me to a text message. I carefully get out of bed so I don't wake him and find my purse across the room. I tip-toe into the bathroom and quietly shut the door.

Looking down at my phone, I can no longer hold back the tears that have been threatening all day.  
**  
Jacob:** Hey baby. I miss you. Hope the picnic wasn't too much of a bore. Will I be able to see you before you head out to Boston?

I can't bring myself to reply. After today's events, it's clear that I need to let Jacob go, for as much as its going to kill me to do. There is no way I can keep sleeping with both of them, especially now that things are looking up for my marriage. I'm not sure my infidelity was ever strictly physical. The fact that my emotions are involved makes it even more of a betrayal. Regardless of our issues, Aiden doesn't deserve that. He's put his trust in me and I flushed it down the drain.

I turn the water on to hide the fact that I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I sink to the floor and wrap my arms around my legs and put my head on my knees. My heart is breaking into a million pieces right now. But I know this is the right thing to do. It's the best option for all parties involved. Jacob will be upset, but he'll move on. I just hope I don't have to witness it.

*****

I have purposely avoided Jacob's texts. I even let his phone call roll to voicemail this morning. I just don't have the strength to do what I need to. I'm a coward in every sense of the word. I thought ignoring him would make me feel better, but instead it feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest.

The Boston Author Event was amazing today. It's one of the best events I've attended to date. The fans were memorable and I had a blast with the other authors. It's nice to know what a supportive community of authors and bloggers there are out there.

Sitting in my hotel room after dinner with the girls, I'm debating about going for drinks tonight. I fly back home tomorrow evening after day two of the event and I'd hate to be hung-over doing it. These ladies are a rowdy and crazy bunch and there is no way I'd make it out of there without being completely smashed. I'm really not in the mood to be light and jovial. All I want to do is curl up in a ball under the covers and wallow in self-pity.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts. It's probably one of the girls getting ready to drag me down to the bar.

I cross to the door and look through the peep hole. The person I see standing there makes my stomach drop. It's Jacob. How the hell does he know the worse times to sweep in and muddy up my brain?

Should I answer the door? Or should I just pretend I'm not here?

I decide its best to hide and turn to head back towards the bed at the same time the cell phone in my back pocket goes off. Shit! There's no way he didn't hear my text message alert. I quickly grab the phone to silence it and see it's a message from him asking me if I'm busy.

He knocks again. "Sam, I heard your phone in there. Open up!"

Well there goes my plan to hide. I sigh with resignation and decide this will be as a good a time as any to end this relationship. I square my shoulders and answer the door resolved to do what I need to do.

"What the hell is going on? Why are you avoiding me?" He glares at me as he pushes his way into the room. _Uh oh_. It seems that Jacob isn't too keen on being ignored. Good to know.

I cross to the bed before daring to answer him. "I just needed some time to think and I wasn't going to be able to do that with you constantly texting me." I decide being a bitch is the best way to put him off.

"Time to think about what, exactly? Everything was fine until you decided to think." He spits out at me, crossing his arms over his chest. They really are delicious looking arms, with the muscles bulging.

Enough of that!

"What are you doing here anyway? And how did you know where I was staying?" I ask trying to change the subject. I'm not very good at altercations.

"I came here to surprise you. I thought it would be nice to spend some time together since it's been a few days. As for where you're staying it was pretty obvious, the convention is here. All I had to do was ask the front desk what room was yours." His eyes narrow at me. "You still haven't answered my question. What did you need to think about?"

Well I guess I'm not getting out of this one. Time to lie through my teeth. "Well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to do it. I don't want to see you anymore. We knew from the beginning this thing couldn't last and now that its run its course, I think you should leave."

I'm proud of how steady my voice sounds when all I want to is crumple into a ball at the thought of him walking away. It feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in the chest.

"Oh no, you don't. You don't get to stand there and act like a bitch thinking you can scare me away. You aren't walking away. You are so full of shit when you say things between us couldn't last. Every time we're together it's amazing. You're the one not giving us a real chance." He points at me, the anger rolling off him in waves. It's scary how easily he can read me.

"Jacob, I'm married. For this to work, we both have to want it. And I don't want it anymore." I head towards the door, open it and gesture for him to leave.

He walks over and slams the door before grabbing my face and kissing me. His tongue is demanding entrance into my mouth, but I clamp my lips together firmly to keep him out. "Kiss me back," he pleads with me before tilting his head and trying again. My resolve is starting to break. I can't say no to him while we're like this.

His hands grip my hips and pull me flush against him. I can feel his erection poking into my belly, making me melt into his embrace.

"Tell me this isn't what you want, Sam. Tell me that you can live without this. Tell me, damn it, and I'll walk away right now."

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't answer him. It would be a lie. So instead, I grab his hair and yank his head back down to mine, kissing him with all the pent up emotion inside of me.

We yank at each other's clothing, pushing each other to our limits. He throws me on the bed, gripping my ankles and pulling my legs apart while dragging me to the edge of the bed. He positions himself and thrusts into me over and over again while holding my legs spread wide. The sensations hitting me are too much. I can't control my reaction to him. Its primal, its carnal, and its everything I want and need.

"You don't get to walk away from us, Sam. Do you hear me? You are mine, baby! Mine!" He grits out as he continues pounding into me. This is a raw and angry fuck. There is nothing sweet about it. He's proving his point, and he's proving it well.

"Jacob. I'm coming," I gasp out as the flutters start in my pussy.

"That's right, Sam. Come on my cock. Show me how much you like it."

His words are my undoing and I let go and come hard and fast. He follows me after a few more thrusts and then collapses on top of me with his head on my chest. My breath is coming fast, my heart is beating erratically and tears start leaking down my temples. I am so incredibly weak.

He looks up at me with tenderness in his eyes. "I didn't hurt you did I, baby?" His fingers brush away the tears that are flowing more freely now.

"No. You didn't hurt me. I'm just so confused. I'm no good for you, Jake. Can't you see that? I'm a mess." I cry out while sniffling back more tears.

"Don't ever say that. You're perfect for me. You just need to realize that. Stop being so hard on yourself, we'll figure this out. Don't worry, it will be okay. I promise."

How is it that the man I'm having an affair with is comforting me and reassuring me, when I don't deserve it?

After crying for a while, I find my eyelids heavy and my body drained. Jacob continues to hold me while I fall asleep, stroking my head and murmuring soft words in my ears. It feels like heaven.

*****

I awake to a hard, masculine body pressed up against mine. I promptly remember all the things that body did to me last night. After I napped for about an hour, Jacob led me to the bathroom where we took a bath together and made love. I've had shower sex before, but never bathtub sex. It was erotic, with our wet bodies slipping and sliding against each other. It was a long, slow session of both of us trying to say without words what we really feel.

After drying off, we snuggled in bed watching television. Once it started getting late, he turned off the lights and rolled on top of me. He then proceeded to make slow, passionate love to me again. There was no mistaking his intent. He was thorough, he was tender, and he took his time bringing me to the brink and then flying over the edge with me.

I wish I could be as sure about what the future holds as Jacob seems to be. After last night, I'm not sure I can walk away from him anymore than I can walk away from Aiden. The fact that he flew all this way to spend time with me, solidifies that fact. Both men are playing tug of war with me and my emotions. It seems impossible to choose one over the other.

Jacob buries his nose in my hair and I can feel his grin against my neck. "Waking up with you is everything I imagined it would be." His lips gently graze my earlobe before covering my neck with warm, soft kisses.

How can I resist him when he says things like that? I glance at the clock and see I still have a couple hours before I need to be downstairs for the convention.

Reaching behind me, I slip my hand around his morning erection and start to stroke him soft and slow. He growls before rolling over on top of me. Our foreplay consists of our bodies writhing on top of each other while our tongues tangle and explore each other's mouths. Just that intimacy alone has me more than ready to take him. I spread my legs wide, offering myself to him. He positions himself before slowly sliding in until he's full seated inside me. We're pelvis to pelvis and this moment feels monumental somehow. He stares into my eyes, his are communicating the depth to which his feelings run for me. Our morning session of love making is no less powerful than it was the night before. The current between us is pulsing as strong as ever. I scream his name in release and he whispers mine like it's a prayer coming off his tongue.

I take a mental snapshot of this moment, so I can keep it with me forever. Regardless of what the future holds, I'll never forget how this feels right now.

## Chapter Eleven

I'm sitting on the floor in nothing but Jacob's t-shirt, flipping through the CD's in his living room while he makes us sandwiches for dinner. I came over bright and early this morning so that we could spend most of the day together since Jacob has the day off. Aiden is planning on working late the next few nights because he has a surprise planned for our anniversary. It's given me the perfect opportunity to spend more time here.

I find the latest Maroon 5 CD and put it on. "One More Night" starts blaring through the speakers. I get up and dance into the kitchen where Jacob is cutting our sandwiches in half and adding chips to each plate. I tip toe behind him and put my hands over his eyes. "Guess who," I ask playfully.

"Hmmm... I'm thinking it's the sexiest brunette I've ever laid eyes on, who just so happens to be wearing no panties, which makes me want to bend her over this table right now," he responds before removing my hands and turning to face me.

He sets our plates on the table and pulls out a chair for me to sit. Thanks to his suggestion, I have something else in mind besides eating food though.

"Right here on the table, huh?" I ask and wrap my arms around his waist to pull his body flush with mine. "I wouldn't mind seeing how sturdy this table actually is." The thought of him bending me over and taking me is causing my core to clench tightly.

"We should test it for its safety. I wouldn't want anyone sitting here if it isn't well-built," he murmurs as his fingers run up my thigh and into my folds, finding me wet and ready for a round of hot kitchen sex. While his finger continues to torment me, I grab his hair roughly and pull him down to my mouth. My tongue plunges into his mouth and my leg rises up over his hip to open myself more fully to him.

I'm so unbelievably turned on right now. Jacob makes me crazy with need every single time he touches me. His fingers are lighting a fire deep within and his kisses are stoking the blaze. He removes his finger from inside me, causing a whimper of protest from me.

"Don't worry, baby. I'm going to take care of you," he whispers as he removes his shirt from my body, leaving me completely naked in the middle of his kitchen.

He moves the plates to the side of the table, takes my hands and latches them on to the edge of the table. "Whatever you do, don't let go or I won't let you come," he warns me before pulling back on my hips, making me bend over. His feet kick my legs out wider. His hands trail softly down the outsides of my legs, before reversing their path up the inside of my legs.

"I need to search you fully and make sure you aren't carrying a weapon on you." The authority in his voice is enough to send a rush of wetness between my legs.

Oh, yay! He is finally going to enact out my cop fantasy.

"Anything you want, Mr. Officer. I'll cooperate fully. I'd do just about anything to keep from getting arrested," I pant out as his fingers brush against my outer folds, persistently teasing me with each pass he makes.

"I know your type. You're real sneaky, thinking you can pull one over on me because you're so fucking hot. You're going to require a full cavity search," he says right before roughly plunging three fingers into my pussy.

I cry out from the sudden invasion. His fingers pump hard and fast while his other hand grabs my breast and pinches my nipple. His assault on my body is making me flush all over. I desperately want to touch myself, but I can't move my hands. Instead I use the table as leverage to slam myself on his fingers with each thrust of his hand. I can feel my orgasm building deep within me and getting ready to take me under.

"My girl likes it rough, huh? Show me what a dirty little whore you are and come on me, baby."

"Oh, shit!" I scream as his dirty talk sends me over the edge and my pussy squeezes and grips his fingers brutally with its intensity. I think I just had an out of body experience I came so hard. My head slumps forward between my arms as I struggle to get my breathing under control.

I'm vaguely aware of the fact that Jacob left the room. I can't seem to move, though. My legs are like jelly and my pussy is still fluttering with the aftershocks of my orgasm.

"Lay your head and torso over the table, miss. I think it's time you were taught a lesson," he commands as his hands put pressure on my back making me follow his orders.

The table is cold on my breasts as my weight settles on the smooth, polished wood. The position I'm in leaves my sex open and completely exposed to anyone who might walk in the kitchen. I hear his belt buckle hit the floor and then the sound of his jeans sliding across the floor.

He lifts my left arm from next to my body and I hear a snap, as cold metal closes around my wrist. Damn! He's handcuffing me. I don't think it's possible to be anymore turned on right now. He repeats the process with my right arm. I'm completely trussed up and at his mercy.

He grabs my hair and pulls my head back off the table, his tongue licking a path up my neck. "This is going to be fast and rough, miss. Hope you can take it," he warns before releasing my hair, grabbing my hips and slamming into me to the hilt.

He wasn't lying when he said it was going to be fast and rough. Each time he slams into me, I feel my hips hit the table. I'll probably have bruises from this. He moves his hand from my hip and grabs my hair, wrapping it around his hand and pulls causing a sharp pain in my scalp. So this is what pain during pleasure is all about. You can sign me up for it any day of the week.

"I'm not going to make it much longer, Sam. Are you close, baby?" He grits out as his hips keep pumping into me.

"Yes, yes, yes!" I scream loudly. "Don't stop, Jake. I'm right there with you."

"That's it. Your. Pussy. Is. Mine. Sam. Mine." He grunts each word out between thrusts.

"Yours," I cry out as my second orgasm hits. I start chanting his name with each convulsion of my inner walls around his cock.

"Shit," he plants himself deep inside me while he releases himself in me. He collapses on top of me making it even harder to breathe.

I let out a little laugh and say, "Um. Mr. Officer, do you think you could get off me and take these handcuffs off? This might qualify as police brutality."

"Shit. Sorry. I was so spent I forgot that I'd be hurting you when I did that. If we keep fucking like that Sam, you're going to kill me," he chuckles as he releases the handcuffs and starts rubbing my arms to get the blood flowing again.

"What a way to die though," I sigh at the thought. "Besides, if you died, who'd take care of all my secret wants and needs?" I tease him.

He growls as he helps me put his shirt back on. "Don't go there, Sam. The thought of another man seeing to your needs makes me want to go shoot something."

Well then, I'm definitely not going to tell him that I'm having sex with Aiden once again. That would be a total mood killer and no one likes an angry Jake. Time for a change in subject.

"Let's eat. I don't know about you, but I just worked up an appetite." I grab two waters from the fridge before sitting at the table and taking one of the plates of food.

We're half way done with our meal when Jacob announces he has a surprise for me.

"What kind of surprise?" I ask, secretly excited that he spoils me so much.

"I thought we could go away to Savannah next weekend. I know how much you've always wanted to go there. Of course, you'll have to come up with an excuse to give Aiden as to why you won't be home for the weekend," he says with a huge smile on his face. He's obviously looking forward to spending a whole weekend alone, where no one can interrupt us. Whereas I would normally be just as excited as Jacob, I'm actually sick to my stomach. This is about to get really awkward and I have a feeling angry Jake is going to make an appearance after all.

I put my sandwich down and turn to face him, "I wish I could, but next weekend is my anniversary and Aiden is planning a trip for us. Do you think maybe we could do it another weekend?" I'm hoping a simple reschedule will appease him. What are the chances he'd want to go away the same weekend?

"Damn it, Sam! You're going away with him this weekend? Oh, and let me guess, you're going to have sex with him too, right? Celebrate your happy and blessed union after I just fucked you senseless on my kitchen table? Do you not see how fucked up that is?" He stands and paces around the room.

I'm ashamed of the fact that he's right about how fucked up I am. I look down at my hands as my lips quivers with my impending tears. There is nothing I can do or say to change the fact that my behavior of late has been detestable.

"I'm sorry. We go away every year, I can't tell him no. He's expecting it," I say quietly, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

"I don't give a shit what he's expecting," he curses before slamming his fist against the wall, leaving a huge hole in the drywall. "You don't get it, do you? I don't want to share you with anyone – especially him. I'm going out of mind thinking about his cock being inside you. You're driving me fucking insane right now."

"I told you this was a bad idea, Jacob. I warned you that I was no good for you. Maybe I should just walk away right now and save us both a lot of heartache," I get up and head toward the bedroom so I can get dressed. The tears that were threatening are now sliding down my face. I hate what I'm doing to him. He doesn't deserve to be angry and frustrated.

I pull my panties and bra on. As I'm reaching for my jeans, his hands wrap around my arms and spin me around. "You aren't leaving. You're not going to just walk away from me." He throws my pants across the room. His eyes look wild and I know he's still pissed.

I take a couple steps back and sit on the edge of the bed waiting for him to blow a gasket. I deserve whatever he is going to dish out. He must sense my unease at his mood because he grips his hair and starts pacing back and forth, cursing under his breath. He stops at the window, drops his hands and takes a couple deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

When he turns around, he says the last thing I expected to hear from him. "Look. If you're hell bent on going on this trip, I'll learn to live with it. I just," he stops and takes a shaky breath. "I just will have to try not to think about what you'll be doing with him when you should be with me. I know what I signed up for, so I'll just find a way to get past it." I'm not sure if he's trying to convince me or himself.

"Jake, you shouldn't have to get past anything. I can't stand to be the person that hurts you. And you know that I'll hurt you again. There's no way around it with how fucked up my life is right now."

"Don't you see how fucking happy you make me? No relationship is ever perfect. Even if Aiden wasn't in the picture we'd both get hurt at some point in time," he argues against my logic.

"No. This is different. I can't keep doing this." I wipe the tears off my face and whisper, "Please let me go, Jake. I'm trying to save you from me."

He drops to his knees in front of me and buries his head in my lap. His arms squeeze me tightly. "Stop trying to leave me. _Please!_ Just stop trying to leave."

I never thought a man like Jacob could be brought to his knees by the thought of me walking away. My heart is breaking seeing him so broken. I know that the right thing to do is to walk away and save him from future turmoil. We are like an out of control train coming to the end of its track, ready to crash and leave no survivors in its wake.

"This is my decision to make, Sam. I'd rather have a bleeding heart than no heart at all," he whispers into my lap.

Even though it shouldn't be this way, when he says things like that, I can't stay resolved to do what's right. I'm selfish and want to be with him just as much as he wants to be with me.

"Okay. I'll do my best, but that's all I can guarantee," I cave to his demand.

He looks up at me with moist eyes. "Will you stay with me tonight? I need to hold you." His words are like a punch to my gut. After what we just went through, I don't see how I could possibly deny him. Aiden is going to be suspicious, though. My mind races trying to figure out a way to pull this off. Maybe if I text Aiden that Michelle wants a girls night, he'll be okay with me not coming home.

"Let me see what I can do." I kiss his lips and then head out to my purse to find my phone. I text Aiden before heading into the kitchen to pick up the mess from earlier. I grab the broom and start sweeping up the pieces of drywall.

"Here, I'll get that," Jacob says as he takes the broom from my grasp. "It's my mess, so I'll clean it up."

While I'm taking the dishes to the sink, my phone signals an incoming text. I walk across the room to pick it up and see that my lie worked. Aiden gave me his blessing, which means Jacob has me all to himself tonight. My deception reminds me of how many nights my father said he was staying at his apartment in the city, closer to his office, because he had to work late. Once I got older, I realized he wasn't actually working late, he was sleeping with anyone and everyone. I shake the memories away and try not to draw any more comparisons between me and my father. For Jacob's sake, the rest of the night needs to be easy going.

*****

When morning comes, I awake both confused and alarmed, not remembering where I am. Once my mind registers that I'm in Jacob's room, I stretch languidly and rest my arms above my head. Last night was definitely easy going. We laid on the couch and watched a movie, making out like teenagers. When we weren't making out, he was either tickling me or rubbing my back. It was a low pressure evening and it felt fantastic.

When we came to bed, I decided to love on Jacob as a thank you for putting up with my shit. I got some lotion out of the bathroom, straddled his ass while he laid on his stomach and gave him a full body massage. Only a few minutes in, his dick was fully erect and begging for some attention.

Once I was done with his backside, I had him turn over. I took a tie out of his closet and wrapped it around his eyes. I grabbed a bottle of cherry flavored lube from the night stand and used it to stroke him slowly. While my hand worked up and down his length, my tongue teased all over his body. The fact that he was blindfolded added to his anticipation. He had no idea where I was going next. Just as he'd get used to my tongue teasing one area of his body, I'd move to a totally different area.

By the time I took him in my mouth, he was writhing on the bed. His hips shot up at the surprise of my lips applying suction to him. I used my hand to work him over while I deep throated and sucked as hard as I could. He panted and groaned, his fists clenched in the sheets as he tried to contain his release.

I used the lube to wet my finger, sliding it down and rubbing it around his anus. As I took him deep in my throat, I slid my finger into his ass and stroked against his prostate, making him come suddenly and powerfully. I swallowed every last jet of come, licking him clean afterward.

He slumped back in the bed, depleted from his release. I untied the blindfold and snuggled up to him. After several long moments, he started breathing again. His chuckle made me smile when he said, "Damn, baby. You can do that to me anytime you want to apologize. I've never come so hard in my life."

I mentally high-five myself for being able to do that to him. It's a heady feeling to know that anytime he thinks about the best sex he's had, I'll be the one he's thinking of.

He rolled on top of me and murmured, "Your turn," against my lips before giving me an orgasm with his mouth, followed by another orgasm with his cock.

Remembering our adventures the night before has my legs shifting restlessly. I can't believe how much I crave sex these days. You'd think having sex with two different guys would have me tired and sore, but I'm rejuvenated and horny most of the time.

"I have to get in the shower, baby." Jacob rolls on his side and pulls me against him. I can feel his morning erection pushing into my stomach, adding fuel to my arousal.

"I could join you and we could save on some water," I suggest knowing full well conserving water is the last thing on my mind. I want him to pin me against the shower wall and fuck me until the water turns cold.

He swats my ass, runs his tongue up my neck and says, "Lead the way, gorgeous."

## Chapter Twelve

"Where are we going?" I ask for the millionth time since we left the house this morning. Aiden didn't tell me much about our trip. I'm dressed in white shorts, a yellow flowing tank top and yellow wedge sandals. My hair is pulled back in a ponytail and I have on minimal makeup.

"I'm only going to say this one more time – you'll find out when we get there." Aiden reaches over and grabs my thigh making me yelp.

"You know how bad I am with surprises," I shoot back in an attempt to defend my annoying habit.

"Yes, I'm well aware. And if I wasn't, I would be after today." He laughs and releases his hold on my leg.

For the next half hour I stare out the window, trying to keep myself from asking him, yet again, where we're going. I know we're in Maryland but beyond that I'm clueless. The car slows and he turns into a gravel driveway that sits in front of a sign that reads, "The Inn at Perry Cabin."

I'm anxious to see what this place is. Judging by how elegantly the grounds are manicured, I'm guessing this is a five-star hotel.

My mouth drops open and my eyes widen at the gorgeous colonial mansion as we drive up to it. We get out of the Tahoe and my head drops back as I gape at the tall and vast pillars in front of the building. There is something about old, southern structures like this that take my breath away. Aiden laughs at my reaction to the architecture.

"It's just a hotel, sweetheart. No need to drool over it," he teases while poking my side.

"Aiden, this is too much. This place had to have cost a fortune."

"You're worth it. You deserve this much, if not more." He grabs my hand and leads me inside to the reception area. While he goes through the process of checking us in, I stand in the middle of the room, slowly turning and taking in every inch of the place. This is the most fabulous resort he has ever taken me to, aside from our honeymoon in Belize.

We follow the bellman upstairs to the room with our luggage. Aiden tips him while I look around our suite. Walking into the bedroom, I stop dead in my tracks. Every surface of the room is covered in flowers. All different colors and varieties of flowers flow from intricate vases scattered throughout the room. The bed and floor are even covered in red rose petals. This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.

I turn to go find Aiden, but see he's silently joined me in the room. He gives me a shy smile and walks over to wrap his arms around me.

"Happy Anniversary. If it's possible, I love you more now than I did eight years ago when we first said I do." His lips mesh with mine and we kiss each other long and deep. I break the kiss to walk over and smell the different flowers, a little overwhelmed by the guilt settling in the pit of my stomach. I'm not worthy of any of this.

Aiden walks up behind me and cups my mound. "I can think of a few better things we could be doing right now instead of sniffing flowers."

"Okay," I breathe. His hands deftly open my shorts before diving into my panties.

"Mmm... you're so wet. I want to taste you."

I nod my head and let him lead me to the bed. He lays me down, pulling my shorts agonizingly slow down my legs. His fingers hook in my lace panties and they too take an extremely slow journey to the floor. His big, strong hands grip my inner thighs, pulling them apart to expose me to him.

"I can't wait for you to come on my tongue. You want that, honey?" He murmurs as he lowers himself to the floor before spreading my sex wide and plunging his tongue into my pussy like he's fucking me.

I reflexively grab his hair and pull his face closer to me. His nose rubs against my clit, causing my hips to start circling. I'm riding his face and it feels fucking amazing. He takes me to the edge, but then pulls me back by focusing his efforts elsewhere. He plants soft, wet kisses on my inner thighs and runs his tongue along the seam where my leg meets my hip.

Just as my pulse starts to settle he attacks me again, eating and sucking like he's a man starving and my juices are what's going to keep him alive. I'm just about ready to peak again when he pulls back and blows across my wet and swollen tissues. A shiver works its way up my spine and I'm getting frustrated by him withholding my orgasm.

"Please, Aiden. I want to come so bad," I plead with him, using his hair to pull his head back where I need him. His tongue circles my clit, while he works two fingers in me. He finds my g-spot and rubs hard at the same time he sucks my clit in his mouth. I fly apart into a million pieces. His fingers continue to pump in and out, until my orgasm subsides.

Aiden stands and takes off his blue polo shirt, jeans and boxer briefs. His hair has grown out and is wavy in a sexy way. It stands up in odd places thanks to my fingers. His erection is rock hard and begging for my attention. His hand strokes his cock slowly while he watches me naked from the waist down on the bed. I get up on my knees and slowly draw my shirt over my head, exposing my white lace see-through bra. My nipples are poking through the material, desperate to be touched. I open the clasp on the front of my bra and let it slide off my arms onto the bed. My hands cup my tits, kneading them and stimulating my nipples even more. I take turns sucking my fingers seductively before using the wet tips to run circles around my nipples. Aiden's hand is stroking faster now. You can see the pre-come pouring out of the tip. He's getting close.

I continue to torment my breasts while one hand travels down to my pussy. I fall back onto my back and spread my legs so he can see what I'm doing to myself. I start rubbing my still sensitive clit. Once I'm panting with need, I tease my opening before inserting a finger deep inside me. I use the palm of my hand to grind against my clit. Pleasuring myself while watching Aiden masturbate is enough stimulation to have me immediately to the edge of another orgasm. I work my fingers faster, scissoring them to stretch my sensitive tissues. A loud moan escapes my mouth and my eyes close. I continue my ministrations, grinding my hand harder against my clit.

A growl forces me to open my eyes and I watch as Aiden pumps his seed all over my stomach. His eyes riveted to where he's spraying me.

I reach down and swirl my fingers through the stickiness on my stomach, bringing my finger to my mouth and sucking. His eyes fly to my mouth and a shudder wracks through his body.

He tastes so salty and musky. The taste sends me into desperation. I lift my hips and insert another finger inside myself, pumping a little faster and effectively giving myself a hard and quick orgasm. It's not as good as the one I just had, but it still feels pretty damn good.

"Fuck! Watching you finger yourself was a major turn on. I couldn't look away," Aiden says as he joins me on the bed. I know what he means; it's a little out of character for us to play this way. He drags me to the middle of the bed before lowering himself on me. Our tongues meet and we bring each other back to a feverish level of need.

He reaches down and guides himself into my opening. When he slides in, I gasp at how good it feels. He rocks at a slow, leisurely pace. I claw at his back, trying to show him my sense of urgency.

"Slow, honey. I want this to be slow. We can do fast later," he breathes against my lips. I acquiesce to his demand. Of course I'd do whatever he wanted right now.

I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him close to me. As he gets closer to his release, he grabs my ass and angles my hips so his movements take him deeper.

I close my eyes tightly. I'm so close but there isn't enough friction. I reach down and feel where we're connected. Aiden's gaze goes to where my fingers are now rubbing. He watches as his cock moves in and out of my body. "Shit. You need to hurry. I don't know if I can hold back much longer," he warns just as the first shudder of his orgasm takes over. Watching his face twisted in pleasure aids in my mission and I come just as he plants himself in me with the last of his release.

*****

"What do you want to do today?" Aiden looks at me over the newspaper he's reading.

I sip my orange juice and continue looking through the hotel pamphlets. The Inn at Perry Cabin is a luxury resort located on the Chesapeake Bay where couples can go to enjoy privacy and serenity.

"I like the idea of relaxing with a couple's treatment at Linden Spa," I say holding up the brochure for the hotel's spa. "Why don't we get massages and then we can rent bicycles downstairs and bike into town to sightsee."

He folds the paper before leaning over to place a gentle kiss on my lips. "Anything you want. I'm going to get in the shower. Why don't you call down and make us an appointment."

I watch his ass showcased in his tight boxer briefs as he walks away. The idea of joining him in the shower is appealing but I really want a massage. I head over to the phone and call down to the spa. They can take us in an hour. That's plenty of time for us to get clean before we need to head down.

I walk into the steamy bathroom, watching through the glass as Aiden rubs soap all over his muscular body. I drop the robe I'm wearing and step in behind him.

"You missed a spot," I murmur as my hands reach around to stroke his semi-erect cock. He braces his hand against the wall of the shower and his head falls forward as he relishes my touch.

"Aiden, honey, we have a half hour, I think you should fuck me here in the shower." I release my grip on him and run my hands and lips all over his back.

He turns around with a gleam in his crystal blue eyes, lifts me by my ass and proceeds to make us both thoroughly dirty before we actually get clean.

*****

After our massages we wander through the lush gardens, hand in hand, soaking up the sun and enjoying the peacefulness of the resort. Even with all the other people milling around, it feels like we are the only two people here. I can't believe how lucky I am that he brought me here. We feel so far away from the outside world that all the stress and guilt I've been feeling lately is a million miles away right now.

We head down to the bike rental desk and sign out two bicycles for the rest of the day. We take a leisurely and romantic ride into town. The views that surround us are absolutely stunning. The water is clear blue and extends out as far as you can see. It's such a quaint place to walk around. Even though the town is full with tourists, it still feels peaceful and laid-back.

We park our bikes and explore the different shops and boutiques that line the street.

Aiden grabs my hand and drags me into a jewelry shop. The little old man behind the counter smiles when Aiden introduces himself and shuffles into the back room to get something. I'm bemused by their exchange and what's happening right now.

"Here it is, sir," he announces with a flourish as he puts a black velvet box down on the counter. Inside the box is a diamond crusted ring that is weaved into an infinity symbol. My breath catches in my throat. This ring is absolutely stunning, but is way too much.

"As I mentioned to you on the phone, this design was created to denote eternal love," the shop owner explains to Aiden. "It's a gorgeous piece, isn't it?"

"That it is. Do you like it, Sam?" Aiden turns to me before grabbing my right hand and sliding it over my ring finger.

I hold my hand out and stare at the impressive ring. Aiden lightly elbows me in the side, breaking me from my thoughts. "It's perfect," I agree with his assessment.

"I'm glad you think so, honey. I got it to symbolize my never ending love for you and the fact that our souls will be entwined forever."

_Oh my god_. I can't believe he just said that. I rest my hand on the counter to keep my knees from buckling at this majorly swoon worthy moment. My eyes fill with tears. Every woman longs to hear things like this being said to her, but I don't deserve for him to treat me like this. I've been horrible to him. If he knew the double life I've been living, he'd be running far away from me, not professing his undying love for me.

We say goodbye to the nice man and head back out to the street. Aiden puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. I wrap my arm around his waist as we walk down the street.

"Want to grab a sandwich and a beer?" Aiden asks when we come upon a bar that serves food.

"Sure," I shrug and follow him into the building. I might be with him physically, but mentally I'm still stuck on what just happened back in the jewelry store.

I'm still lost in thought thinking about how disgraceful I am, while I pick at my sandwich. Aiden doesn't seem to notice as he watches a game on the television over the bar. What am I going to do with myself? I am so ashamed by my behavior over the last few months. No matter how much I think on it, I just can't seem to find a solution and stick to it. I'm so powerless when it comes to Jacob. Every time I've tried to break it off, I've allowed myself to be persuaded to stay.

I visibly start when I feel a fingertip trail up my arm. I look up to see Aiden watching me with heat in his eyes. "You know when you bend over like that I can see down your shirt," he whispers in my ear, eliciting a shiver down my spine.

"Does it make you want to do naughty things to me?" I goad him. I'm suddenly curious to see if he'll fuck me in a public place.

His teeth bite my earlobe, making me moan and my eyes roll in the back of my head. "Sure does, baby," his breath glides across my skin.

"I'm going to head to the ladies room. If you should happen to follow me after paying the bill, I might be obliged to try some naughty things myself." I stand up, lean over and lick his bottom lip before sucking on it gently. His hands reach out to grab my hips, but I pull away and wink as I walk back towards the restrooms.

The single stalled room is empty when I push through the door. Thankfully it's a tidy room, otherwise I might have to rethink this whole thing. I reach under my short jean skirt and pull off my panties. I'm trembling with excitement. I can't believe Aiden has been up for public sex lately. A couple minutes later there's a knock on the door before Aiden enters. He turns and locks the door before walking over to me. I dangle my damp panties in his face. "I seem to have misplaced these."

He groans knowing that means my pussy is bare underneath my skirt and that he'll have easy access. To tease him even more, I lift my skirt so it's around my waist giving him full view of my goods.

Wasting no time, he grips my hips and sets me on the edge of the sink. He presses in between my legs and kisses me with a blatant eagerness. His desire appears to be at a cataclysmic level right now. I reach down while our tongues tangle and unbutton his jeans, pushing them down over his ass. Once his cock is free, I grip him and tease my clit with the head, covering him with my wetness before guiding him into me. Once he's fully seated, he pants against my lips.

"Quick and rough, Sam. Think you can be quiet while I fuck the shit out of you?" He grits out.

I nod and tip my hips up to encourage his movement. His thrusts are indeed hard and fast. There is an edge about the fact that someone could knock on the door at any time. My legs wrap around his waist, the heels of my sandals digging into his ass. As my orgasm tears through me, I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. Aiden continues to pump in and out of me, searching for his release. His hand grips the back of my neck and pulls my mouth to his. He groans in my mouth as he comes deep within me.

We stay connected to each other, waiting for our breath to settle and our heartbeats to calm. I could stay like this forever.

"Your lips bleeding," Aiden says as he gently wipes blood off my lower lip.

I can't help but laugh, "It was the only thing keeping me from screaming your name when I came. I might have gotten a little carried away."

He grabs a paper towel and wets it before tenderly wiping me between my legs. I hop off the counter and put my panties back on while he tucks himself back in his pants.

"I'll go out first," he says before kissing me thoroughly and leaving the room.

I straighten my clothes and smooth my hair before following. As I join him in front of the bar, I can't help but smile at how wonderful this weekend has been so far.

*****

I decided to spend my morning doing laps in the pool. It's early enough where there isn't much interest in the water. I walk through a stunning wisteria and rose-draped arbor on my way to the pool. They really have gone all out creating a striking and inviting ambience when landscaping the grounds.

I do twenty laps before lying on a towel in a lounge chair. I pick up the book I brought and read for at least an hour before Aiden joins me down at the pool.

He's wearing black swim trunks that hang low on his hips, showcasing the sexy "V" area around his hips. He dives into the deep end and I'm drawn to the way his muscles move with each stroke. They strain and bulge, making me want to lick each one.

I'm practically drooling and my bikini bottoms need to be changed by the time he finishes his exercises and sits down next to me.

"What's on the agenda for today," he asks while rubbing a towel over his hair.

"Other than exploring the different gardens, I thought we could just have a quiet afternoon before we head home."

"Sounds good to me," he says as he leans back and soaks up some sun.

The rest of the day flies by, making me sad that we won't be spending more time here. It really is like a little slice of paradise. The last thing I want right now is for the real world to encroach on our happiness.

We're packing our bags when Aiden asks, "Did you enjoy yourself?"

I walk over to him, wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him before saying, "I can't believe you even have to ask. This was by far one of the most memorable trips we've been on, even if it was only for a few days. And this ring was so unexpected. I'll cherish it forever."

"Good. All I want to do is make you happy. You really are my everything. I don't know what I'd do without you." He buries his head in my neck and I silently cry at what a hideous wife I am.

## Chapter Thirteen

Leaving a meeting on a Tuesday afternoon, I turn my phone on and see that I have a missed call from my mother. This is unusual. Since she took up residence with her latest boy toy, we haven't had much in the way of communication. She doesn't agree with my life choices, and I certainly don't agree with hers. I think she leads a shallow and empty life, flitting from one man to another, never getting attached and breaking hearts along the way. She thinks I should be more active in my pursuit of happiness, which in her world means money. Avery Monroe came from a lower middle-class, farming family, and will stop at nothing in her quest for wealth.

Climbing in the car, I activate my hands free unit and use the voice activated controls to call her. It's probably best to get this over with before she calls back and lectures me about what bad manners it is not to return a call. She answers on the third ring and you can tell by the tone of her voice that she's upset. Whatever it is, it can't be good, my mother does not show emotion very often.

"What's wrong?" I ask her, getting worried the longer she sobs into the phone.

"My father passed away this morning. He had a heart attack and died right away," she wails at me.

My heart stops at the realization of what she just said. My grandfather was everything to me. He was the kind of man a girl grew up idolizing and someone she looked for in a mate. I used to spend my summers on his farm in New York. He showed me how to milk cows and ride horses. Even as a teenager, I never tired of the time I got to spend with him.

I've been so wrapped up in my own life and my own problems that I haven't spoken to him in months. I'll never get the chance to say goodbye to him, to tell him how much I love him or how much I appreciate all the love and guidance he gave me over the years.

I disconnect the call from my mom, telling her to keep me updated on the funeral arrangements and pull over to the side of the road. The tears are coming so fast that I can't see past them. I lean my forehead against the wheel and shake violently with my body wrenching tears.

I grab my phone and call Aiden once I'm able to breathe a little better.

"Hey, sweetheart! What's up?" He sounds so relaxed, I hate that I'm about to ruin that. But I need him right now.

"Muh... muh... my grandfa... ther... duh... died." I stutter into the phone.

He curses loudly. After asking me where I am, he tells me he's going to leave work and come to get me.

Fifteen minutes later, my car door opens and strong hands are picking me up and carrying me to the passenger side. After setting me in the seat, he leans over and kisses my forehead while stroking his fingers down my cheek. I lean into his touch, needing his comfort right now more than anything. He buckles my seat belt, shuts the door and gets in the driver's seat, navigating us home.

I'm so devastated that I can't speak. All I can do is cry and sputter. If I wasn't so heartbroken, I'd be embarrassed by the fluids trailing down my face and the noises leaving my lips.

We pull into the driveway and Aiden lifts me out of the car and carries me into the house. He doesn't stop until we're upstairs in bed, where he pulls a blanket over us and rocks me gently back and forth. His hands rub soothingly up and down my back. His mouth presses soft kisses on my head, my face, and my lips. His rocking eventually calms me while lulling me to sleep.

It's dark out when I wake up. Aiden is no longer in the bed, but my phone is now sitting on the blanket where he used to be. That's odd. I don't have time to think about it though. My stomach is grumbling and all I want to do is wrap myself back up in Aiden's arms.

I head down the stairs and find him in the kitchen wearing only pajama bottoms while making grilled chicken and rice for dinner. I walk over to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and burrowing my head into this chest. For a minute, he stands there with his body as stiff as a board. I'm not sure why he's reacting this way, all I know is that I need him.

"Aiden, I need you. Please hold me. I can't do this without you," I plead, causing him to sigh and wrap his arms around me. We stand like this for several long minutes, neither of us saying a word.

"I need to get back to dinner. We can finish this later if you're going to be alright," he says before starting to pull away from me.

"Thanks. I'll be okay. I love you," I whisper against his lips before walking away. I swear I see what looks like hurt flash in his eyes, but then he hides it behind a small smile. Bemused, I stop and look back, but his back is now to me as he finishes dinner. I have no idea what that was all about.

*****

The next day, Aiden took my Tahoe to work since his friend had driven him to meet me on the side of the road. I have no plans to go anywhere anyway. I'm wallowing deep in grief and don't feel like seeing anyone. I haven't even talked to Michelle and she spent quite a few summer vacations with me on the farm. I feel bad for avoiding her, but the only person bringing me any sense of relief from the sadness crushing in on me is Aiden.

My mother calls to tell me that the funeral is this weekend in New York. I immediately surf the internet looking to book a flight, car and hotel for us, before texting Aiden and then Michelle the itinerary. I want to leave tomorrow and help my mother with the settling of his estate.

I head upstairs and dig out both of our suitcases from the back of the closet and start packing what we'll need. I grab a wardrobe bag and place two of Aiden's suits and a couple black dresses for me in it.

I'm on the floor, digging through my shoes, looking for the ones I want when my cell phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket and answer without looking at the display. My mind is one-tracked looking for these damn shoes. It's the only thing holding me together at this moment and I know I'm going to lose it if I can't find them.

"Hello," I murmur distractedly.

"Hi, beautiful. I was wondering if you had time to get together, I'm off for the next few days and I've missed you the last two weeks," Jacob replies.

"I can't." I sigh into the phone and decide to take the plunge and tell him why. "My grandfather died so I'm flying up to New York tomorrow for the funeral." I speak quickly, not wanting to break down again.

"Oh baby... I remember how close you were with him. Why didn't you tell me? How are you holding up?"

His kind words and concern trigger another crying episode. This was why I didn't want to talk to anyone. I really don't like showing any vulnerability.

"I'm fine," I say in between sniffles.

"You don't sound fine. Look, I need to see you. I want to hold you and take away your pain," he says softly into the phone.

"Now's not a good time. I have so much to do in order to get ready for the trip. But thank you for offering. It means a lot to me. I better get going." I hang up before he has a chance to try and change my mind.

An hour later, I've finally located the black pumps I was searching for. I've also had three texts from Jacob begging me to talk to him, to see him, and one even asking if he can come with me to New York. That is just crazy talk right there! Of course my husband would be going with me to my grandfather's funeral. There is no way in hell Jacob could show up without a shit storm ensuing.

I'm able to put him off, though, by explaining my whole family would be there and it wasn't the time to be seen with someone other than Aiden. Not that I would admit to him that I don't think that time will ever come.

I feel horrible about the fact that I have both men on hooks, but I'm not ready to release either one yet. I'm too incredibly selfish for that. I need each of them and when I'm with them, the other ceases to exist for me. It's too hard to choose.

*****

Looking out the living room window, I see a familiar black car parked across the street. It couldn't be him. I squint my eyes to get a closer look. _Son of a bitch!_ That's definitely Jacob sitting in his car. What the hell is he doing here? What if Aiden sees him?

I check the time on the grandfather clock and breathe a sigh of relief. Aiden won't be home for at least another two hours. I throw on a pair of house shoes and head out the front door to find out why he is here.

As I get closer, he steps out of the car and meets me at the edge of the driveway. He shoves his hands in his pants pocket and rocks back on his heels.

"Before you freak out, I came here because I had to see you. I know you're going through a hard time right now and I couldn't stay away. You left me with no other choice when you wouldn't come to me." He speaks quickly, assuming correctly that I'm ready to rip him a new one for showing up here. "Your grandfather was important to you and you need comfort right now, not to be alone."

Tears start to fill my eyes at the reminder of my grandfather. Every time I think about it, my heart breaks a little more. Jacob reaches out and grabs my hand, tugging me closer. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear before pushing my head into his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and let the tears fall. His arms hold me tightly and I feel so sheltered right now. I'm not sure how he knew I needed this, but I'm glad he's here with me right now.

After standing wrapped around him for a while, the tears slow and I look up at him. His hands cradle each side of my face while his thumbs brush away the last of my tears. Staring into his eyes, it's easy to forget why I should be upset with him. Only when he leans down and softly kisses my lips, do I remember that we're playing with fire.

I start to pull away and whisper, "No, Jacob. You can't kiss me here. What if one of my neighbors is watching? Or, god forbid, what if my husband comes home? I appreciate you wanting to be here for me, but this is dangerous."

"Dangerous?" He says slowly, as if testing the word out. His fists clench at his side. I can see the anger building in him. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to be absolutely crazy about someone and have them treat you like garbage most of the time? Do you?" His voice rising.

"I do not treat you like garbage!" I hiss and look around to make sure we aren't drawing any attention.

"Damn it, Sam! I want to mean something to you other than being just a good fuck! I care about you... more than I probably should. When you're lying in bed next to Aiden, I'm lying in bed alone thinking about you! We've been playing this game for months and I don't know how much more I can take. I want to wake up next to you, to fall asleep holding you, and to be able to touch you any damn time I want! And I don't think it's too much to ask for at this point." His chest heaves with his rage.

"You said you'd take whatever you could get from me!" I cry. "Why are you trying to change the rules now? I can't just up and leave! This is my life! I made promises and you're asking me to just pretend that they don't matter anymore!"

"You know, you might not have made me any promises, but the way you are with me says it all. You belong with me, damn it!"

I run my hands through my hair and look down at my feet. I'm clueless as to what to say to that. I warned him in the beginning that I didn't know how much I had to give him. Now he's up and changing the rules, demanding more. I'm too frightened to take that step. I'm in love with both him and Aiden. I need them both like I need air to breathe. How could I have let myself get in this deep?

"Do you love me?" He asks in a low voice.

My head jerks back like he just slapped me. Can I actually admit out loud that I love him? He deserves to know, but I'm afraid that by doing so it's only going to make the situation more complicated.

"Forget it... you're hesitation says it all." His hands grab his hair and yank in frustration. "I can't believe I let you fool me into thinking you actually cared about me for something other than my dick. I'm beginning to sense that this whole thing was a way for you to act out a fantasy and let go of some of your inhibitions." He sighs and turns to walk back to his car.

I grab his arm and plead with him, "Jacob, no! You're wrong! I do care about you!"

"Then say it! Tell me you love me," he demands.

"I love you, alright! I love you! And that makes me a horrible person because I love him too! Don't you understand? I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I just walked away from it all and made a life with you. But I can't leave him! I just can't! I tried to tell you that in Boston, but you wouldn't listen!"

"Look, we need to take a step back. I can't even think straight right now. I'm sorry I came to your precious house and almost upset your precious Aiden." He looks and sounds so beaten at my admission.

"That's not fair and you know it." My lips quiver. I can't stand hurting him. This is why I wanted to walk away both times I tried. The last month since Boston has been bliss though. Both Aiden and Jacob have been so attentive and caring. It just makes it that much harder to choose. I'm so damn confused and the fact that I'm grieving is making it that much worse. I don't know how much more fight I have left in me.

"Fair? What's not fair is the fact that I will always be second to him. I know you're technically his wife, but if he was taking care of what was his, you wouldn't have gotten involved with me in the first place. We have something great, but I refuse to be your dirty secret any longer. Focus on grieving and getting through the funeral. We'll talk again in a few weeks or whatever."

"A few weeks? Really? Are you trying to punish me because _you_ showed up unannounced at my house? You know I'll miss you if we go that long without seeing each other. And not for nothing, I told you I loved you and you can't even say it back! How am I the bad guy in this whole situation?"

"Of course I love you, Sam. Who wouldn't? You're smart and beautiful and funny. Your big, brown eyes see right through to my soul. I love you with a fierceness that's tearing me apart inside, but you have a decision to make. You once said you were sick of being married and that you both drifted apart. Yet, you sit here and tell me you can't leave him and try to find a shred of happiness. You're confused and I refuse to make it harder on you. I'm going to be leaving for training soon anyway, so now is a good time for us to reevaluate things and where we go from here."

His words make me feel even guiltier, knowing that Aiden and I reconnected and he has no idea. I can't bring myself to throw that in his face. Isn't this what I wanted, for him to walk away? So why does it hurt so badly now that it's happening?

"Okay, but Jake..." I call out as he walks across the street and opens the door to his car. "I want you to know that a part of me has loved you since I was sixteen. And no matter what happens, I will never regret our time together."

Watching him get in his car and drive away is the hardest thing I've done in a long time. He's right though. I have to stop stringing them both along. I've been living with an "ignorance is bliss" policy for too long.

I should have thought more about Jacob's feelings. I've been so damn self-centered, only thinking about how hard this is on me. Putting myself in his shoes, I'm not sure how he's dealt with this back and forth as long as he has. How he can love me despite that fact, I'll never understand. There is no way I could share him without losing my mind. I'd have to rip the bitch's eyes out. I can feel my blood boiling just thinking about it.

Luckily, I don't have to worry about that though. The only thing I have to worry about right now is getting through the next few days and then finally sitting down and searching my soul. I need to make some hardcore decisions about the two loves of my life.

## Chapter Fourteen

This week has been hectic and filled with way too many emotions. It started with helping my mother clean out my grandfather's house so she could sell it. Since she's an only child, there is no one else to take over the farm. The neighbor and long-time family friends, who live in the next house over, has decided to buy some of the acreage along with the livestock and machinery. We are blessed that things have gone as smoothly as they have.

Last night's calling hours were horrendous and I'm not sure how I made it through without falling to my knees from the crushing weight of loss and pain. My grandfather was well liked and well respected in the community – everyone loved him. As a result, the line went out the door for most of the night with people coming in to offer their condolences. While it was nice to see a few faces I hadn't seen in years, I would have rather been anywhere other than where I was. By the end of the night my feet ached and my heart was heavy.

My mother was a complete basket case. She seemed to have channeled Meryl Streep and put on an Oscar worthy performance filled with angst and tears. She wore a black Gucci dress with Manolo Blahnik heels. She looked like an older version of me, just dressed more expensively.

God bless Aiden for knowing how to deal with her. Her latest boy toy, Sven, certainly didn't have a clue. I really don't care for him. Sven is only four years older than me and wears his long, blond hair in a ponytail. You can tell by his strong facial features that he's of Nordic descent. He sat there with a stricken look on his face most of the night, like her grief was putting him off.

Unfortunately, Aiden handling her left me to have to deal with things by myself. I hated having to be the adult and make sure all the arrangements were taken care of. And I missed having Aiden beside me, his arm around my waist, his strength giving me strength. Luckily, Michelle showed up part way through the night and was able to help me.

Waking up this morning snuggled in Aiden's arms was enough to make up for me missing him last night. I turn in his arms and place a gentle kiss on his chest. I really do love how big and muscular he is. I can feel his morning erection pressed against my thigh and I know exactly what I want to do with it.

I continue to kiss down his chest, moving the covers aside as I go. Aiden sleeps in the nude which leaves me with easy access to his very impressive erection. I trail my tongue from root to tip, circle the head and take him in my mouth. His salty taste is like heaven. I continue to work up and down his length while he still sleeps.

I'm rewarded when he stirs, his gorgeous blue eyes looking down at me while I suck him off. A smile spreads across his face and his hips thrust up making me take him deeper. We hold each other's eyes while I continue to worship him orally. I'm a woman on a mission. His balls start to tighten and I increase my suction. I want him to come down my throat. I need him to come down my throat.

My hard work pays off when he pushes himself deep into my throat, his cock twitching on my tongue while I swallow each jet of come shooting from him.

I crawl up his body, taking my time, stopping to lick every ripple of muscle I can find in order to work him back up. My hand reaches down between my legs in an effort to get myself amply wet for when we do have sex.

Damn, I'm close, real close. But I want to come with him inside me. It's so much better coming when you're stuffed full than it is when you're empty.

When he's fully erect again, I straddle him, teasing his cock head against my folds. My god he feels so good.

I look down into his eyes as I position him at my entrance and sink down the length of him. A moan from deep within me comes out. I love being stretched and full of him.

He grabs my hips and starts raising and lowering me over him. I lean down and kiss him passionately, my nipples now rubbing against his chest. I'm not going to last long. Not that I really want to. This is about feeling alive and nothing says that better than a quick, hard fuck.

"I'm going to come, Sam, are you close?" Aiden whispers against my lips.

"Touch me and I will be," I instruct him. I'm not usually so forthright with him about what I want, but in this moment it feels right. He reaches down and puts pressure on my clit. A few more thrusts later and we're both swept away in pleasure.

"That was amazing, honey," I murmur against his chest.

"It was definitely a nice way to wake up," he agrees before kissing my head and heading to the shower.

The funeral itself was beautiful. My grandfather served in the Navy during World War II, so he had full military honors. The Honor Guard performed a ceremony that included the folding and presenting of the American flag to my mother and the playing of Taps. There wasn't a dry eye present.

Michelle sat on my right and Aiden on my left, each one holding my hand. Their support meant everything to me. I thought about Jacob during the service and how much he wanted to be there for me. I considered how symbolic it was that I only had two seats next to me. There really isn't room in my life for another person. The problem with that is, I'm not sure I can walk away from him. It was hard enough a few weeks ago and look how easily I failed at doing it.

Now I know he loves me. And I saw firsthand the vulnerability on his face when he admitted that he can't keep sharing me with Aiden. I never thought about how lonely it must be for him to be in a relationship with someone that can't give herself fully to him. There are so many times when he is alone, attending functions by himself, sleeping in an empty bed. These are all things I've taken for granted. He doesn't deserve to be somebody's second choice.

He hasn't tried to contact me since the episode in my street the other day, other than a quick text asking me if I was alright. He has since ignored my response telling him that I miss him. It breaks my heart to know he's taking a breather from me. There is still a part of me that wants to run and find solace in his arms. I was so at peace when he was holding me in the street. Is it possible to need two people and love them just as equally?

I'm lost in thought all the next day – all through the plane ride home, and all through the drive back to our house. I barely even remember saying goodbye to Michelle at the airport.

I need to see Jacob. There's no way around it. I can't stand the way we left things and I need to see for myself that he's alright.

Once we arrive home, I head upstairs and start unpacking, trying to come up with a way to sneak out of the house without Aiden questioning it. So far, I've either seen Jacob when Aiden was working or had an excuse already planned. But I have to get out of here and see him. I just have to. There's some force possessing me, pulling me in his direction. It's been a little over three weeks since I've been intimate with him and now I'm fixated on the thought, yearning to taste him.

I head down the stairs and find Aiden in the office on the phone. He looks up at me and motions for me to sit. I'm anxious while waiting for him to finish his call.

"That's good to hear. I knew I could count on you. And things are progressing nicely, right? No way he'll back out, is there?"

His face lights up at what the person on the other end says to him.

"Very well then. Keep me posted." He hangs up the phone and smiles at me. "So, sweetheart, what do you want to do tonight?"

"Well, I thought I'd go out for a drive and clear my head now that I've put everything away." I start twirling a piece of hair, hoping he won't question my behavior.

He frowns at me and just stares for a minute before clearing his throat, "I can understand wanting to clear your head after the week you've experienced. Try not to stay out too long though, I'll worry about you."

I agree and all but sprint to the car. Once on the road, I speed towards the city, hell bent on seeing Jacob. I'm not sure what I'm going to say but I'm hopeful that he'll hear me out and we can be together.

I pull into the guest parking spot at his condo and hurry to the elevator. The trip up the fifteen floors seems to take forever. I rush down the hall and bang on his door. When there's no answer I bang again.

_Damn it!_ Where is he? I should have taken a key when he offered it. At least that way I could let myself in and wait.

I stand there at a loss for what to do next. Not being able to see him never crossed my mind. Just as I'm about to text him to see where he is, the door across the hall opens. Jacob's friend Brad peeks his head out. Brad's a good looking guy in a G.Q. sort of way. He has dirty blond hair that is a cropped short, blue eyes and a face that belongs on the cover of a magazine. The first time I met him, I almost drooled. I couldn't believe Jacob's friend was this hot.

"Oh, hey! I thought I heard banging out here. He's not home, Sam. He's away at some official training for work." Brad informs me.

"Shit. I forgot all about that. Can you just let him know I stopped by if you talk to him?" I ask with a smile hoping he'll help me. I never got the impression that Brad liked me. He always watched me like he didn't trust me or like I wasn't good enough for his friend.

"Yeah, sure. Listen I have company so I'm going to head back inside. It was nice seeing you," he says before turning and heading back inside.

"Thanks. Goodnight," I call out as his door shuts.

I slump against the wall in defeat. This sucks big time. I thought for sure we'd be able to make up tonight. There's no point in texting him now. If he's at training, his phone most likely won't be on anyways. Besides, I want to be face to face with him when we talk, it's the only way to get him to see reason.

*****

I walk in the house after my trip to the city and the rooms are all dark. It's not late so I'm wondering why Aiden went to bed so early. I thought for sure he'd be waiting to make sure I got home safely. As I make my way into the family room, a light goes on in the corner and I scream with fright.

Aiden sits in the corner chair with a glass of scotch in one hand while his other releases the pull chain on the lamp. I haven't been gone long, so the fact that he appears drunk has me a little concerned.

"Well, well... guess you decided to come home. Didn't find what you were looking for?" He asks cryptically. There is no way he knows where I went, so I'm not sure what he's getting at.

"I told you I was going for a drive. What's gotten into you? Why are you drunk?"

He laughs humorlessly at me, shaking his head, a cruel smile curling his lips. "A drive? Is that what we're calling it now? Funny, I thought it was called fucking around behind your husband's back!"

My stomach drops to the floor. How could he know about this? Everything was fine before I left the house. And Jacob wasn't even home. It's not like I smell of sex or anything.

"What are you talking about Aiden? I think maybe you should put the drink down." This isn't good. I'm officially freaking out right now. My mind is racing trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation. How the hell does he know what I've done? It's impossible. I've been so careful to keep my two worlds separate.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. I saw the text messages between you and Jacob on your phone, Sam. I just didn't say anything because of your grandfather's funeral. I know you've been having an affair... _I know!_ " He ends in a shout, the veins in his neck bulging with the strain.

Oh my god! The phone on the bed! I wondered how it got there. What the hell am I going to do? I never thought I'd get caught so I'm not prepared. I'm trembling with fear. His anger has practically sucked all the air out of the room.

_Shit!_ I can't think right now. Do I lie to him and tell him it meant nothing? Or do I suck it up and deal with the fact that I've essentially been caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar? This could be the chance I need to purge all the things I've been keeping locked away. I deserve to put my side of the story out there. He needs to understand that the way he acts, affects other people. And I don't want to insult his intelligence or mine by trying to lie.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." I decide to start with an apology. This isn't going to be an easy conversation and it doesn't help any that he's been drinking and is less likely to think rationally.

"You're sorry? You disgust me! How could you make love to me and tell me you love me when another man has been inside you?" He stands up and takes a step towards me menacingly.

"I never meant for this to happen." My eyes plead with him for mercy. "When you wouldn't touch me or look at me, I started to feel depressed and lonely. I originally told Jacob no when he approached me. But then after Scott's wedding when you went to bed instead of having sex with me, I felt unloved and no good. So I turned to him for the affection you weren't giving me."

"That's no excuse. If you felt unloved and wanted to change the circumstances you should have talked to me... not gone whoring around with some playboy Casanova," he hisses at me. Contempt drips off each and every word coming from his lips.

"How could I talk to you when you ignored me most of the time? It was like we were roommates. You didn't kiss me, didn't hold me or touch me, _nothing!_ I came home after being gone for _two weeks_ and you didn't even tell me you missed me. For all I knew you were having an affair too!" I scream in his face. The fact that he sank as low as to call me a whore is fueling my anger.

"That is a low blow! I've never been anything but faithful to you. Things have been hectic at work and I've been stressed out." He starts pacing around the room. "You know what? Fine, I take responsibility for my actions and how I may have been distant. But there is no reason why you couldn't have talked to me about it."

I start to cry and my anger dissipates. He's right. I owed him that much. It didn't matter how awkward the conversation would have been or that I would have been putting myself out there. I made vows to him, vows that I trampled all over at the first sign of real trouble. I'm just as weak as my father.

"Do you realize that you have stomped on my heart and broken my trust?" He asks. The anger in his voice is now replaced by sadness.

"I know and I'm sorry. I just wanted to be happy. You have no idea how miserable I've been. And when we couldn't have a baby I just dived deeper into feeling that way. It's so hard to want something that badly and then have it just outside your reach. And when you started to pull away, I tried to make myself happy in other ways. I know that sounds terrible but you have to hear what I'm saying."

"You're never going to be happy, Sam. Not with me and certainly not with Jacob. Don't you see that? You're going to be miserable regardless of who you're with. You can't expect someone else to make you happy."

I refuse to believe him. It can't be true. I've been happy with both of them.

"After the way we've connected over these last few weeks, I had hoped you would let him go. I didn't think you had spoken to him. I figured you were moving on, but you went to see him tonight, didn't you? Why can't you just let him go?" His eyes search mine for an answer, one that will make everything better again.

I just shake my head and wrap my arms around my middle. I'm afraid to tell him the truth, that I love Jacob.

"Do you love him?" He asks, my silence leading him to the right conclusion.

I nod, looking down at my feet to avoid the pain in his eyes.

" _Fuck!_ How could you do this to us?" He screams before throwing his glass against the wall, causing ice and shards of glass to fly everywhere. I flinch at the fierceness of his actions.

"I can't look at you right now. I think one of us needs to leave until we can decide where to go from here. I'm more than willing to get a hotel room."

"No, no. This is my mess. I'll go stay with Michelle." I turn back to look at him before leaving the room, "You do know I love you right? And I'm so unbelievably sorry for what's happened. I'd take it all back if I could."

"If that were the case, you wouldn't have gone to see him tonight." With that parting shot, he storms out of the room and leaves me standing there speechless.

## Chapter Fifteen

It's late by the time I knock on Michelle's door. She answers it wearing a face mask and a robe. She obviously wasn't expecting company. As soon as I see her face, I break down – tears flowing freely down mine.

"Oh, dear," she mumbles opening the door. Once she sees my suitcase, she instantly puts two and two together. "I see the tornado has swept through."

I collapse on her couch, my arm over my face and continue to cry. Michelle sits next to me and strokes my head, trying to calm me down.

As my sobs seem to lessen, she asks, "Do you want to talk about it? It might feel good to get it out."

I nod and tell her everything, from the emails to the affair to Aiden finding out. It's therapeutic to get it all out there. The only time I was ever able to talk about it was with the girl at the spa in New York. And things got far more complicated after that.

"I think what you need is to focus on you for a bit. Don't worry about Aiden and definitely don't worry about Jacob. Concentrate on what Sam wants and what Sam needs. Once you do that, an answer will come to you. Right now you're too focused on hurting them. You need to step outside the situation and get a clear perspective," Michelle replies, handing down her sage advice.

I think about what Michelle just said and she's right, I am too involved with the situation and too afraid to make the wrong decision and hurt everyone. Maybe if I take some time to myself, everything will become clear.

*****

Five days pass before I hear from Aiden. Jacob is still M.I.A. I suppose it's better that way.

It's Saturday afternoon when Aiden knocks on Michelle's door. I'm surprised to see him after the way we left things. He asks if we can talk, so I grab a sweater and we walk towards the park down the street.

We each sit on a swing and stare out at the trees.

Aiden clears his throat to break the silence, "I want to start by apologizing for the things I said to you the other night. I shouldn't have started drinking, knowing that I would say things I'd regret. You are not a whore and you could never disgust me." He looks ashamed by his confession.

"I truly am sorry, Aiden. I've made a complete mess of things. I'm not sure where to go from here," I say quietly while digging in the dirt with the toe of my shoe.

"I want you to come home. Let's work through this. The last month or so has been really good, ever since the picnic when I finally pulled my head out of my ass." He gives me a small smile. "Please, Sam. I love you."

"I love you too, but maybe love isn't enough. I know you don't want to hear this, but I still have feelings for him, and it's not fair for me to sleep in bed next to you knowing that fact. I just need time to work this out."

"I can give you time." He concedes to my wish. "I want you to think long and hard about this. We've been together for a long time and I love you more than anything. Remember what I said when I gave you that ring. I meant every word of it. It would kill me if you walked away for good. But I'll do anything to make you happy again, even if that means letting you go."

Tears fill my eyes. How can he be so wonderful when I've been so rotten to him?

"Can we at least continue to talk and maybe even see each other? Maybe try going on a few dates?"

"Yeah, I think we can do that. I just need a little more time, you know?"

"Yeah," he agrees.

We sit swinging back and forth in silence for almost an hour before he stands to leave. Walking back down the street, he reaches for my hand before stopping himself. This is what I wanted to avoid. Sadness marring his handsome face causes my heart to twist painfully in my chest. I really need to get my act together before I continue hurting the people I love.

*****

The curtains are thrown open making me hide my head under the pillow so that the sun can't hurt my eyes.

"Rise and shine! Today is the day you stop hiding and start living your life again," Michelle sing-songs before pulling the covers off me.

"Hey! I'm sleeping here. Leave me be!" I grumble before pulling them back up.

"I will not leave you in bed again today. It's been almost two weeks since Aiden came to see you. Girlfriend, you need to figure some shit out already!" Her tone leaves no room for argument, but I'm not going to cave that easily.

"I don't want to... it's too hard!" I fire back petulantly.

"Well, I don't want you stinking up my guest room any longer. Sit up and talk to me." She sits down on the edge of the bed and grabs my hand. "Are you done with Jacob? I know you haven't heard from him since before your grandfather's funeral. Shouldn't that be a sign that he's moved on?"

I lean up on an elbow, pushing the hair out of my eyes. "I don't know. He was so hurt that day. I think he just wanted some space from me," I shrug and continue. "He hasn't heard from me either. I miss him so much, Michelle. Sometimes when I think about him it hurts right here." I place my hand over my heart and fight back tears.

"You really are torn between them aren't you? Damn, I wish I had seen what was happening so I could've stopped it or something." Michelle looks as sad as I feel at the realization that my life is a complete fuck up.

"This isn't your fault. You warned me, but I didn't listen. I let my libido do all the thinking for me."

"I could slap Aiden silly for letting things get this out of control."

"It's not his fault either... or Jacob's, so you can stop that line of thought. It's my own fault. I'm ready to take responsibility for my actions. I'm just not sure where I'm going to go from here."

"I hate to admit this but if you miss Jacob that much and your heart hurts thinking about him, maybe you should go talk to him. Tell him everything that happened. Just try not to have sex with him. It only makes things more complicated." She reprimands me like I'm her child.

"I'll think about it. I'm not sure if I'm ready to make that move yet though."

"Trust me. You're more ready than you think. You'll never know until you take that first step. You owe it to yourself to see if there is something there."

I can't believe she's admitting that to me. I know how much she likes Aiden and me together. The fact that she's supporting me unconditionally means the world to me. It gives me the strength I need to work this whole thing out.

I lay in bed for the next couple hours contemplating everything she said. My feelings for Jacob have to be genuine if I feel this way with us being apart. It's the same way I feel when I think about Aiden. I never really gave us a fair shot, though. Aiden was always there in the background. I owe it to Jacob and to myself to see if we could go any further.

Remembering the Red Sox game he took me to or all the times we went and hung out with his friends, makes me think we can. Things were so easy going between us. We had fun, like a real couple. And the sex... god the sex is amazing.

I finally decide to go find Jacob and make him see that we have to try.

## Chapter Sixteen

Knocking on the door to Jacob's apartment, my palms are sweating and I'm extremely fidgety. I can't wait to tell him about my big decision. I can just imagine the look on his face. He's going to be thrilled. He has to be! I'm doing this for us. After a few attempts with no answer, I turn to head down the stairs. Rounding the corner, I run into his friend Brad.

"Hey, Brad! Do you know where I can find Jacob? He isn't answering his phone and it's really important that I talk to him tonight."

"Um... well... I know he's out." He seems to be having a hard time looking me in the eyes and he appears to be uncomfortable. That's never a good sign.

"Look, Brad. I hate to put you in this position and normally I wouldn't, but it's very important that I talk to him," I plead. I'm ready to fall at his feet and start begging if I have to. I don't care that he doesn't like me. I have nothing to lose at this point.

After what feels like forever, he sighs and his shoulders drop. "Look, I like you well enough and Jake hasn't told me the whole story, but I do know that you're married. I also know that he's reached his limit of secret rendezvous. I don't want to see Jake get hurt any more than he already has." He gives me a pointed a look and now I know why he watched me the way he did. Because he was afraid I was going to hurt his friend. Too bad I proved him right on that one.

I don't owe Brad anything, but I know what I need to do in order for him to tell me what I need to know. "I left my husband for him, but he doesn't know it yet. I need to find him, to show him I'm in this thing for real. Can you please tell me where he is before I go out of my mind?"

"I'll tell you where he is, but don't shoot the messenger once you find out what he's doing. He's down at Murphy's." He grabs my arm as I turn to leave, "before you go, keep in mind that he hasn't seen or heard from you in over a month and he hasn't been doing too good. You deserve to see him as he'll be tonight before you decide whether or not to pursue this relationship with him. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I just wanted to be honest with you."

"You're scaring me, Brad. What am I going to see when I get there?" I need more information. My mind is racing with the different possibilities.

"I'm not going to say anymore. Just go and see for yourself." With that he heads into his apartment.

A sick feeling is forming in the pit of my stomach, heavy like a rock. That was clearly some sort of warning and I have no idea what to make of it. What could he possibly be talking about? Is Jacob going to be wasted or slutting it up with a bunch of women? I guess there's only one way to find out. Standing here obsessing over it is getting me nowhere.

Opening the door to Murphy's, I'm assaulted by the sounds of the Friday night crowd of patrons. Murphy's is an older Irish pub. It sits in a brick building with the bar running the length of the right side of the room. Tables with red checkered cloths and wooden chairs are situated along the left side of the room and down towards the back. It's a kick ass pub that I've been to a few times with Jacob. Finding him in this crowd isn't going to be an easy feat. I push my way through the bodies surrounding the bar and wind my way to the back when I don't see him immediately.

As I make it through a cluster of people, my body jolts and my stomach twists painfully. My heart feels it was just pierced by a really large knife. My breathing is ragged and my hands start to shake while I watch a pretty brunette running her hand through Jacob's hair before placing a hot and steamy kiss on his mouth. It pains me to even admit to myself that she's pretty. She has a small nose, almond shaped brown eyes, shoulder-length hair and full pouty lips. If I didn't have the sudden urge to rip every piece of hair out of her head, I might have complimented her.

After breaking the kiss, Jacob threads his fingers through hers on the top of the table while her other hand rests possessively on his arm. I force my body to move and approach the table, just as the girl looks over at me with a startled expression on her face followed by recognition. At that moment, I could swear this bitch must know who I am and my vision continues to grow red with rage.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I shriek with little regard to the fact that I'm standing in a crowded bar. I left my husband only to come here and find Jacob wrapped around some conniving little tramp? This cannot be happening right now.

"What are you doing here, Sam? Shouldn't you be home with Aiden?" Jacob at least has the decency to look embarrassed as well as surprised.

"I do not believe this! Just a few weeks ago you were standing in the street telling me you wanted to be the one to console me... to be with me all the time. Now you're sitting here holding hands with her? And to make it even worse I had to stand here and witness your little make out session."

"Excuse me, but doesn't that set of rings on your finger mean you really don't have a right to be upset that he's with me. I mean really, honey, think about this for a second. You sound like a major hypocrite." The perky little brunette pipes in with a look of disgust and annoyance on her face.

I take a step towards her and clench my fists. "Listen bitch! If I wanted your opinion, I'd fucking ask for your opinion."

"Oh! That's real mature! What are you going to do, fight me? Please!" Bitch fires back and I'm ready to go postal on her ass.

"Please don't make this worse, Brooke." Jacob says to her before turning back to me. "Sam. I think we should talk later after you've taken some time to think this through. This isn't the time or the place to discuss what's going on with us."

"You're right. Completely and totally right. There _is_ no us. Thank you for showing me that tonight. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to find you to tell you that I moved in with Michelle until I could figure out what I'm doing long-term."

"You're what? When did you decide this?" He asks, but I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of an answer.

"Like you said... this isn't the time or the place. Goodbye." I turn and make my way back through the crowd and exit the bar before the tears can escape down my face. Walking as fast as I can, I round the corner and sag against the side of the building. I angrily wipe the tears away from my eyes. How could I have been so stupid? But like the idiot I am, I still wait a few minutes to see if he'll come after me.

When I realize that he isn't coming, a humorless laugh bubbles out. This is almost exactly what happened when we were younger. God! History is repeating itself and I totally let it happen! Now that lust isn't clouding my judgment, I can remember the hurt and confusion clear as day as I recall the first time Jacob trampled my heart.

*****

Sixteen years earlier

It's been six months of Jacob and I seeing each other. We have never labeled ourselves as exclusive but other than when we are at places like school, work, or with our separate groups of friends, we are either together or talking to each other. Sometimes being with him is like heaven. I feel special and almost, dare I say, loved. We haven't spoken too much about our feelings but actions do speak louder than words.

I really wish I could be a little more outgoing and confident with Jacob, though. When I see him with his friends at school, I'm always afraid to approach him. I know some of his inner circle and I have no problem talking to them when he isn't around. I have no idea what my problem is. It's not like they don't know we're together. I'm constantly following his lead, which makes me feel like we are more casual than I'd like. Are we just a physical relationship in his eyes or are we more? This is the question that plagues me regularly. I know I want us to be more, but I don't have the courage to ask him. Obviously he's into me; I just can't loosen up enough with him. Nor do I think I can stand the embarrassment of hearing him tell me that I'm just a good time to him.

Today is the senior prom and even though another senior asked me to attend, Jacob encouraged me not to go with him. I'm assuming this means Jacob doesn't want to go to his prom. Last month he took me to my junior prom and it was magical. I had one of the hottest guys at school on my arm and he only had eyes for me. When he picked me up and slowly looked me over from head to toe, I could barely contain the pure lust coursing through my veins.

He found reasons to continually touch me all night. It was quite obvious by his behavior that he was as excited about getting me alone as I was to be alone with him. After we changed into more comfortable clothes and broke away from my group of friends, we went to a nearby park and he laid out a blanket for us. As I gazed up at the stars, wrapped in his strong arms, there was no place else I would rather be.

His hands stroked my back under my shirt and I couldn't contain my excitement at the feel of skin on skin. I started kissing down his neck while unbuttoning his shirt. Once I revealed his smooth, tanned chest, I kept moving down further. My tongue circled his nipples and he released a groan in the back of his throat. I loved that I could do this to him. Making him want me was heady stuff. I never felt like I was good enough for someone like him.

As I kissed and licked the defined muscles of his abdomen, my hands undid the button and zipper on his jeans. He was already rock hard as I slid my hand into his boxers. His large erection was hot and smooth and I couldn't wait to taste him. At the first touch of my lips on his cock, he groaned loudly. As I licked and sucked him, tasting his saltiness, he whispered encouraging words. Just as he was getting to the edge, he pulled me up and rolled me under him. He slowly entered me while staring in my eyes. It was in that moment that I knew I loved him.

Clearing my head of those thoughts, I look over at my friends with what I know is a dreamy expression on my face. Some of my closer friends are graduating this year. Those of us who aren't, decided it would be fun to go to their prom and take pictures before heading out on our own for the night. My friend, Michelle, was posing for a picture when our other friend, Rich, tried to take my attention away from the front of the building. The panicked look on his face had me concerned.

"Sam, you know I love you, but I think we should leave. We've seen all that we came to see and I've suddenly lost my interest in this whole thing."

"What could possibly be going on that would make you want to leave so bad? You know you can tell me anything." I tried to turn around in his arms but he just wasn't loosening his hold.

He sighed and said, "You're really going to make me show you this aren't you? Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."

I turned just in time to see Jacob walking inside the building with his arms around a pretty blonde I had never seen before. They looked quite cozy as she smiled widely at something he was saying. I felt like someone had just kicked me really hard in the chest. Breathing became harder and harder to do as tears spilled from my eyes. There was a definite familiarity between the two of them, leaving no room for assumptions as to how well they knew each other. Why wouldn't he just tell me that he was going with someone else? And why did he have to be selfish enough to not let me go with Luke when he asked me? Sure my heart would have been broken knowing he was seeing other people, but I firmly believe that honesty is always the best policy.

As I watched their retreating backs, I made myself a promise that I would never again fall for Jacob Matthews. Sure I'd have to see him around school for the next two weeks, but that didn't mean I had to talk to him. There was no amount of explaining he could do that would make this situation any less painful or humiliating. The worst part was... he didn't even seem to notice or care.

*****

Shaking the memory, I slam the car door and head back to Michelle's. I really need to decide what I'm going to do. I was ready to throw everything away with Aiden for a fresh start with Jacob, even after Aiden said he wanted to try to make things right. I can just imagine the big fat "I told you so" Michelle is going to fling at me when she finds out what happened tonight.

Luckily, the house is quiet when I walk in. She must be out with Kyle tonight. At least I get a reprieve before getting my ass handed to me by my best friend and the best way to spend it is by soaking in the tub with a big glass of wine.

Setting my glass on the vanity, I strip down and sink into the bubbly, hot water. I can feel the tension starting to melt away. I need to figure out my next move. First on the agenda is what to do about Jacob. If he tries to contact me, I think I can be adult enough to hear him out. Regardless of the fact I wanted to kick that bitch's ass, she made a good point, I am being a hypocrite. We weren't exclusive and I have had sex with Aiden since we started having our affair. Ugh... I can feel the anger rising in me again, even as I'm trying to be rational.

I sink further down into the water and close my eyes. I'm just so tired. It doesn't help any that tonight's events have left me emotionally exhausted. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse and that I might finally get a happy ending, the rug was pulled out from under me.

The sound of my phone chirping wakes me. I can't believe I fell asleep considering how angry I was. After getting out and drying off, I look to see who sent me a text. It's Aiden, asking if we can get together next weekend. After the extreme twist my life took tonight, I think I owe it to him to see if we can make this work. He asked for another chance and didn't even demand I stop seeing Jacob. He's serious about finding a way through this. God, I feel like a ping-pong ball going back and forth between both men.

It's quite ironic that I haven't heard from Aiden before tonight. It's like he knows what an asshole Jacob is and that I might need him. Regardless, I text him back to see what he has in mind and head toward the bedroom to get ready for bed. My phone alerts me again. I slip under the covers and look to see what he said.  
**  
Aiden:** I was thinking Saturday we could go to the orchard and pick some apples. Then maybe to dinner and a movie?  
**  
Me:** Sure. What time?  
**  
Aiden:** I'll pick you up at three. I love you.

I can't lie to him. Regardless of whether we end up together or not, I do still love Aiden. We just started to drift away from each other and then I messed it all up by having an affair.  
**  
Me:** Love you too.

*****

Michelle is sitting at the kitchen table when I stumble out of the bedroom in search of caffeine. "You look like shit, Sam. Didn't you sleep well?"

I grumble under my breath for her to leave me alone as I suck down some much needed coffee. Turning to look at her, I lean on the counter and decide I might as well get this other with. She's going to find out eventually anyway.

"You'll never believe what happened to me last night," I say while looking at her over my mug. Her eyebrows raise and she gazes at me with open curiosity. She's practically foaming at the mouth to find out how my "make-a-move" on Jake night went. I figured she would be after her little speech yesterday.

"Did you and 'hot stuff' Matthews have crazy, hot monkey sex for hours, following which he declared his undying love for you? Will you be riding off into the sunset hand in hand?" The sarcasm drips off her every word.

I clear my throat and proceed to tell her the whole sordid affair that happened at the bar. Surprisingly, she isn't saying "I told you so." After a few awkward moments of waiting for her to say something, I decide to ask for her opinion.

"I'm not sure you really want my opinion, but I'm going to give it to you anyway." She straightens herself in the chair and continues on like she's Dr. Phil. "That boy threw your shit right back in your face. I can't say as I'm surprised since he's always seemed to have an issue with commitment. Did you not forget how grand everything was between you two in high school before he decided to date that blonde twit at the same time?"

"I wish you had reminded me of it months ago, but yes, I do remember." I sip my coffee and nod in agreement.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well, I'm going to wait for him to contact me. When he does, I'll hear him out. He owes me an explanation and this time I'm going to get one. Past that, I have no idea what I'm going to do."

I sit at the table, sipping my coffee mulling over the details of last night. "What I don't get though is the fact that Brooke seemed to know who I was. I've never seen her before so I'm not sure how she would. I doubt Jacob would be showing some girl pictures of me. It was clear that the two of them were close... as in _very_ close."

"Maybe you're just reading too much into it. I'm going to assume you had a face like thunder walking towards them. She was probably just nervous when she realized it was aimed at her."

"Yeah, maybe. Oh and Aiden texted me last night. I told him I'd go out on a date with him next weekend."

"You sure you want to do that, especially on the heels of finding out Jacob is seeing someone?" She looks at me like I have a screw or two loose.

"I'm sure. He's been extremely patient through this whole thing. The only way I won't go is if Jacob and I reconcile before then." I smile to myself. It's good to have a plan.

## Chapter Seventeen

I'm starting to feel more like myself, especially after the whole debacle with Jacob and Brooke. I'm even writing again which is a good way to pass the time. It wasn't exactly healthy for me to spend the last two weeks vegging out on Michelle's couch with a carton of Ben & Jerry's, watching Lifetime network movies. Especially since the movies are horrible most of the time. They tend to be so unrealistic and cheesy.

Its late afternoon when I get a text from Jacob asking me if I want to get together tonight. At least he didn't wait more than a day to get in touch with me. That's a good sign.

I agree to meet him at his condo for dinner. Against my better judgment, I'm looking forward to seeing him. I'm still angry with him, but I've missed him so much. And not just the sex, I also miss talking to him and laughing with him.

I'm nervous to see him again. I don't know what he's going to say about Brooke or Aiden or what our future holds. This is a huge gamble I'm taking, but I've come this far, I can't turn back now.

Dressed in a short khaki skirt with a chunky knit belt, a flowered tank top with spaghetti straps and wedge sandals, I knock on his door. It doesn't feel right just walking in after everything that's happened, so I wait for him to answer the door. Butterflies dance in my stomach and I feel a little queasy.

He answers the door, looking as nervous as I feel. He kisses me on my cheek before moving out of the doorway, gesturing for me to come in. Well that was certainly awkward.

"I ordered us Chinese takeout. It's in the living room on the table. I thought we'd eat in there and talk."

"Sounds good, do you need me to do anything?" I ask, setting my purse on the entryway table.

"Nope. It's all set up in there." He puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me into the living room.

I sit on the floor, my back resting against the couch, my legs stretched out under the coffee table. Jacob sits next to me on the floor. I pick up a carton of LoMein and grab the noodles with my chop sticks before shoving them in my mouth. "So, where should we start?" I ask innocently before diving right into the matter at hand. "I was thinking maybe you could explain to me how it is you know Brooke so well." I probably shouldn't have approached it so sardonically, but I'm still a little wounded by the whole situation.

"Can we please talk civilly about this?" He inquires before taking a bite of his Kung Pao Chicken.

"Fine," I sigh in resignation. "I apologize, but can you at least understand my surprise and disappointment at seeing you with your tongue down another girl's throat?"

"I get where you're coming from, but you should take into consideration that we were on a break and you are still married. I have no more control over you, than you do over me," he replies.

All I can picture in my head is the episode of "Friends" where Ross screams in Rachel's face, _"We were on a break!"_ That excuse didn't fly with me then and it certainly doesn't fly with me now. But then again, there were no promises made between us, he is free to be with whomever he wants. "Fine. Explain things to me. I'll try to keep my sarcasm to a minimum," I concede.

"After I left your house that day, I was a mess and the fact that I didn't hear from you after that just made it worse. I was going out every night and drinking heavily. I even got into a fight one night down at Murphy's with a guy who started running his mouth about it." He stops to take a sip of his beer.

I gesture for him to continue.

"Well, the first night at training I was in the hotel bar getting drunk when Brooke came in. She's a detective down at the precinct. I might have... um... hooked up with her one night when you were away with Aiden for your anniversary."

"You what?" I screech in his face, dropping my chopsticks.

"I, uh, got really trashed the first night you left. I couldn't stop imagining the two of you together and I wanted to make it all go away. She showed up at the bar with a couple other officers and one thing led to another and we ended up fucking in my car that night." He looks down at the floor.

The bastard doesn't even have the balls to look me in the face.

"Have you guys been seeing each other since that day? Were you with her the day you showed up at my house and gave me an ultimatum?" I really hope he tells me the truth. I have a feeling I need to know this.

"No. It was a one-time thing. Any time I saw her after that, it was never anything other than platonic between us."

"So the two of you were at training together?" I ask before picking my chopsticks back up and taking another bite, anxious to get to the rest of his story.

"Yes. She sat with me in the bar and we started talking about what happened between me and you. The more I drank, the more we talked. She started out giving me advice. Then she started moving in closer, her hands inching up my thigh and before I knew it we were going back up to her hotel room and having sex. I woke up the next morning and couldn't remember anything. At first, I thought it was you next to me and that the dream I was having wasn't a dream at all. But then she rolled over and I realized I'd screwed up."

"You expect me to believe you thought you were having sex with me and not her? That's awfully convenient." I'm sickened by the thought that he'd use that as an excuse.

"No, I'm not saying that all. Look, I tried to stay away from her after that but she was everywhere. One thing led to another and we slept together again a couple nights later. And I don't know, she just started to grow on me. She reminds me a lot of you, but at the same time she's different. It's like getting the best of both worlds. I get to be with this amazing person, but I don't have to hide it either." He shrugs and looks down at his food, avoiding looking at me.

Listening to him talk about her, I feel the bile rising in my throat. Suddenly I'm up and running into the bathroom to heave into the toilet. Jacob comes in and pulls my hair back from my face. "You okay?"

I gasp in between heaves. When there's nothing left in my stomach, I rest my head against the toilet and close my eyes. That sucked big time.

Jacob sets a cool wash cloth on the back of my neck and after a few minutes I start to feel human again.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." He grabs my hands and lifts me up off the floor. I rinse my mouth out and turn to see him watching me from the doorway. I walk towards him and he wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest. Even though this feels amazing, the moment feels poignant; like it might be one of the last times we do this.

"Let's go sit back down and finish talking, unless you don't feel up to it," he says while pulling away from me.

"I'll be okay. I'd rather we get everything out in the open," I say as we both head back to the living room.

"Now that you know about Brooke, will you tell me what happened with you and Aiden?" He asks as we settle back on the floor.

"He saw text messages between us on my phone the day my grandfather died. He just waited to confront me about it. I put it all out on the table, everything I've been thinking and feeling. Then we decided it was best for me to stay with Michelle for a while. He came to see me afterward and apologized for some of the things he said when we were arguing. He told me he wants to try and make things work. I asked him for some time apart to decide what I really wanted though."

I get up on my knees and move towards him. "After licking my wounds for a while, I realized I owed it to myself to see what could be between us without all the sneaking around and baggage of me being married. I was looking for you to tell you I want to be with you. That I love you." I place my hands on his shoulders and hold my breath, waiting for him to respond. I know I shouldn't want this after finding out the whole story behind his relationship with Brooke. I just can't seem to stop myself.

"I love you too, Sam. So damn much. I've been so hurt and lonely waiting for you." His hands grip my hips and I move my arms around his shoulders, closing the gap between us.

"Does that mean you're going to stop seeing Brooke?" I ask before licking my lips. My eyes are trained on his mouth and I'm finding it hard to hold back what my body is begging me to do.

"I don't know. I have feelings for her." He shrugs and his fingers dig into my hips when I brush my breasts against his chest.

"Do you love her?" I have to know. If he does, I'll walk away. I won't put him through the turmoil I've been living with for all these months.

He shakes his head. "No, it's too soon for that. I just don't want to hurt her. I understand now how you must have felt all this time, being torn between me and Aiden."

"Jake, I don't know how to let you go." I lean in and press a kiss to his lips. He starts to pull away so I beg, "Please don't make me stop."

When he doesn't pull back any further, I move my hands up and cup his face and kiss him again. I tilt my head and take the kiss deeper, my tongue diving into his mouth and gliding along his.

His fingers glide along my thighs, up under my skirt before brushing against my core. I gasp at how good it feels. He continues tormenting me with those light brushes. I pull my shirt over my head and unclasp my bra, throwing them on the couch. My hands grab my breasts, silently offering them to him. His mouth closes over a nipple and sucks voraciously right before his finger slips past my panties and plunges into my body. My hips start circling rhythmically against the movement of his fingers. My orgasm is going to be quick and hard. His tongue paints a line across my chest on its way to my other breast. He continues his rhythm until I'm screaming out his name and my pussy is convulsing around his fingers.

I reach down and slip my hand into his gym shorts, freeing his long, thick cock. I lean down and close my mouth around it as I take him all the way in, until he's deep in my throat. I continue to work him with my mouth hard and fast. I use my hand to stroke him while my mouth applies the perfect amount of suction to the head.

"Shit. I'm going to come," he warns me as he tries to pull me off him. I'm not ready to stop though. I want him to come in my mouth. I've missed his taste.

He laces his fingers in my hair and holds my head in place while he fucks my mouth. He only does this when he's wild with passion and extremely close to the edge. He shoves himself deep in my throat and comes in long, hot spurts. I have to work hard to swallow it all.

Sitting up, I undo my belt and the buttons on my skirt and stand so it can slide down my legs. I ease my panties down and they join my skirt in a heap on the floor. Jacob stares up at me from the floor, his eyes focused on my bare and swollen pussy.

I get back on the floor and move slowly towards him on my knees. I trail my fingers up over his leg while moving up his body. I plant hot, wet kisses along his collarbone and down his chest, stopping at his nipples to lave each one with my tongue. His hands grab my head and pull my lips to his, taking them in a passionate kiss. I move my right leg over him and straddle his lap. I reach down to grab his dick and guide him to my opening before sliding down over his length. I'm almost fully seated on him, when he abruptly stops me.

"Wait... wait... we can't do this." He pushes me away and stands, pulling his shorts up. His hands keep running through his hair while he paces around the room.

"Why not?" I'm humiliated by the fact that he pushed me away. I can't believe I misread the situation.

"Because we're no further ahead than we were before. I don't want you to think I'm doing this out of spite, but I want to see where things will go with Brooke. The problem is the second I touch you, I lose all rational thought. I think we need to spend some more time apart."

"Oh, that's rich. I can't believe this. It's like a really bad dream. I guess karma really is a bitch," I curse as I start to dress. My movements are jerky due to the fact that I'm fuming right now.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I just want to be honest with you. I understand more now than ever how someone can care about two people. I don't want to string either of you along. Please don't take it personally, you of all people should get where I'm coming from. I just need to do what's right for me, and to do that, I need some more time."

"Whatever you say, I just can't promise I'll be waiting when you realize you've made a mistake." I grab my purse off the table and storm out the door, slamming it on my way. I can't believe this is happening right now. I can't wrap my head around the fact he told me he loves me in one breath and then basically told me he's leaving me for Brooke in the next. This is one seriously fucked up situation.

*****

The sun is shining and the day has a nice crisp, fall feel to it. Fall is my favorite time of year so I'm welcoming the fact that this week in unseasonably cool. I pull my sweater over my head just as the doorbell rings.

I open the door to find Aiden standing there looking utterly delicious. He's wearing faded jeans, and a white t-shirt under a zipped up blue sweater. I love it when he wears blue, it gives his eyes an iridescent quality that makes it hard to look away from. His face breaks out into a grin when he looks up at me.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart. There's a certain glow about you today." He lifts my hand to his mouth and presses a soft kiss on my knuckles. A little shiver races up my spine at the contact.

"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself," I wink at him and head to his red Ford F-150. He lifts me up into the truck before getting in and pulling out of the driveway.

On the drive to the orchard we hold hands like we used to whenever we went somewhere together. It feels nice and comforting.

"How's work going?" I ask trying to make conversation.

"Good. It's finally starting to wind down now that the Sullivan project is underway. I feel like I can finally breathe again." He clears his throat before continuing, "I wanted to apologize for how consumed I've been with work lately. I should have paid more attention to you than I did."

"Thank you for that. Look, we can't go back so let's not beat a dead horse by talking about it anymore."

We park and Aiden comes around to help me down from the truck. When he sets me on my feet, I get a little light-headed and have to brace myself on his arm. "You okay, Sam?" He asks concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a bit of vertigo," I say with a small smile trying to shake it off.

Satisfied with my response, he holds my hand as we walk up to the farm stand at the edge of the orchard and grab a basket to fill. The little old lady, Norma, who runs the stand, greets us with a friendly smile and wave. We've been coming to this orchard every year since we moved here. She's such a sweet soul.

We walk hand in hand through the paths and trees, picking apples and soaking in the peacefulness of the orchard. Neither of us talks much, though. It's not necessary in order to have a good time.

Aiden picks a crisp, red apple and takes a bite. He holds the apple to my mouth for me to bite. When I do, the juices dribble down my chin onto my neck. I laugh at how messy it is. He leans in and licks the juice off me and starts nibbling on my lower lip.

"Mmm... you taste delicious, Mrs. Parker," he murmurs in between kisses.

"So do you, Mr. Parker," I whisper back, my hands wrapping around his shoulders while my mouth dives back in for another taste of his.

The sound of young kids running up the hill makes us pull back from one another.

"Let's go get dinner so I can get you alone in a dark movie theater and can kiss you for hours," he says with a devilish grin and a wag of his eye brows.

"I like the sound of that."

We stop at a pizza place on our way to the theater. There's nothing better than a nice, greasy slice of New York style cheese pizza and this place has the best. I can feel Aiden's eyes watching me while I eat yet another piece of the sinfully delicious pizza.

"I'm surprised you went for a second piece, honey. Normally one of these monstrosities is enough for you."

"I know right. I'm not sure why, but it's like I was craving it. I just can't stop eating." I wipe my mouth and throw the napkin on my empty plate before heading to the restroom so we can leave for the movies.

We decide to see the new Superman movie. I'm a huge fan of the "man of steel". I've had a crush on almost every single actor that's played Clark Kent over the years. It's a weakness of mine.

Aiden chooses a seat towards the back of the theater, where we'll have some privacy. Every time we reach for the popcorn and our fingers brush, a little shiver works through me. I can't believe I'm getting turned on by touching his hand.

I look over and find Aiden watching me with a salacious look on his face. He grabs my neck and pulls me in for a mind blowing kiss. It's as if we're feeding off each other during that kiss. Not even Superman could pull me away from the way he's plundering my mouth.

He nuzzles his nose along mine and whispers, "You crush me, honey. I love you so damn much."

Tears fill my eyes at his words. I needed to hear them so much. We finish watching the movie wrapped in each other's arms. I feel so safe and warm right now. I wish we could stay like this forever.

The drive back to Michelle's is filled with plenty of sexual tension. I want him with a ferocity that I'm not used to. There's something in my soul that's calling out to his right now.

We park and he comes around to open my door and help me out of the truck. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I grab his collar and pull him towards me for a hot, wet kiss. I run my hands up and through his hair, tugging a little to get him excited. He grabs my ass and lifts me, my legs wrapping around his waist. He presses me against the side of the truck and takes the kiss deeper. He grinds his erection into me, my hips rolling to put more pressure on my mound as it rubs against him.

I start to pant with my impending orgasm. The tingle starts in my core and radiates down through my toes, making them curl in my shoes. I rub against him faster and harder. My head falls back against the truck as I explode in a tremendously intense orgasm.

Aiden pulls back and sets me on my feet, his forehead resting against mine.

"We need to stop. I don't want to make love to you again until you choose me. I want there to be no mistake that you're mine when I'm inside you," he whispers, his breath panting across my still wet lips.

"Aiden, I'm sure. I need to feel you. I need you inside me like you wouldn't believe." I reach down and cup his bulge. "I want your cock, honey. Please."

He growls when I squeeze tighter. His hand pulls mine away, pulling it to his mouth where he kisses my fingertips. "We'll both know when it's right. Let's get you inside before you get cold."

He walks me to the doorstep, kisses me breathless and leaves me horny and alone. What is it with men leaving me high and dry? It's really starting to weigh on my self-esteem.

## Chapter Eighteen

I have officially lost my mind.

I logged into Jacob's email last night. I had to do it. I have been going out of my mind wanting to know more about this Brooke chick. I've also been dying to know what Jacob has been up to. I haven't heard from him in over a week. I texted him the other night and never received a reply back.

It wasn't like accessing his email was that hard to do since he gave me his password once upon a time. It's not my fault he hasn't changed it!

So now that I've learned that Brooke's last name is Dugan, I'm moving forward with my cyber-stalking. The Internet is a wealth of knowledge and I'm greedy for all I can get. From what I've found so far, she just turned thirty years old and grew up in Maryland. She moved to D.C. about two years ago and was promoted to Jacob's department four months ago. Apparently, she comes from money. Her father is some big real estate mogul, the likes of Donald Trump. I've also secured her home address, phone number for her land line, and her email address.

Instead of appeasing me, this knowledge is only fueling my obsession. It's like I have to know everything about her. As the famous quote says, "Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated." And this is one battle I'm not ready to lose.

Based on an email Jacob sent Brooke last night, they are planning on having lunch down at Camille's Sidewalk Café today. I'm going on a reconnaissance mission to spy on them. I feel possessed by jealousy and rage. I rationally try to talk myself out of it, but the devil is back on my shoulder persuading me that this is the only way to get Jacob back, whether I want to keep him or not, and that remains to be seen. Right now, my only goal is to get him away from that tramp.

I dress in black yoga pants and a long-sleeve black t-shirt. I have on black ballet flats and my hair is pulled back in a ponytail. I grab a blue floral scarf out the closet and a big pair of sunglasses, reminiscent of Jackie Kennedy. I'm hoping that by getting there early enough I can hide out and watch them incognito.

"I'm heading out Michelle, see you in a bit," I call out as I rush out the door before she can ask me where I'm going. I head into the city and park across the street from the café. I put on my glasses and wrap the scarf around my head to help hide my identity. Now all I can do is watch and wait.

Its fifteen minutes before they are supposed to be here when suddenly my passenger door flies open and a person jumps in. I scream as loud as I can as my heart races with adrenaline. Luckily, when I look over I see its Michelle. Judging by the look on her face, though, I shouldn't be glad to see her.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing, Samantha Jean?" She yells at me while shaking her finger in my face.

"Whoa! What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here." I try to play it off innocently. She doesn't seem to be buying it though.

"I knew you were up to something when I saw all these cryptic notes about someone named Brooke Dugan. You're stalking her and Jacob, aren't you?" She demands to know.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean." I twine my fingers and look down, feeling ashamed now that I've been caught. I know I'm insane... I just can't help it. I am well aware that my behavior can be classified as disturbing. I'm acting like a lovesick, heartbroken teenager. I guess I've been with Aiden for so long that my mindset is still stuck on doing stupid things like this and torturing myself over it. Obviously, I knew what I was doing was wrong if I was trying to hide it. This isn't how an adult in a relationship behaves.

She reaches over and grabs my hand. "Sam, this needs to stop. You have to move on. He wants to try and make things work with her. This right here isn't healthy." She gestures around the car. "You either need to let go and focus on your marriage, or let go and move on all together. There is no other solution. Please don't make me hurt you to get it to sink into that thick skull of yours." She says it teasingly but I know she means it. She'd hit me if she thought it would make a difference.

I sigh and rest my head on the back of the seat. Why can't I just forget about Jacob? I guess it's because my pride took a huge beating. I went from being the most important thing to him, to being an afterthought in a matter of weeks. How could he have moved on so quickly? And then he fooled around with me and told me he loved me, just to end up humiliating me by pulling away – of course not before he got off, the bastard. God, I'm such an idiot! Why do I keep letting him do this to me? It's like I'm a glutton for punishment so I keep going back for more.

"Sam, please don't hate me for asking this, but why do you want to be with someone that doesn't seem to want to be with you? I think it's seriously fucked up what happened the last time you two were together. He says he's trying to do the right thing, but if he was then he wouldn't have had his hand in your pants while you sucked his dick. He is a straight up dawg and you are better off without him."

"I know you're right, but my ego is shattered. I'm not ready to give up. I can't let her win," I sigh.

"Do you still see a future with him? An honest to god future with a house and maybe even some kids?"

I think about her question for a long minute before answering as honestly as I can. "No, I don't think so. I'm not even sure what my intentions are anymore to tell you the truth. Hey, how did you know where I was?" I ask out of curiosity.

"I followed you as soon as I saw you head toward the door with that stupid scarf in your hand." She reaches over and pulls it off my head. "Take the damn thing off. You are no double-o-seven that's for sure."

I laugh and smooth down my hair, which took a beating when she removed the scarf. "Yeah, I guess not. Come on, let's go home."

"Just do me a favor and try to move on. I know how much you love unhealthy obsessions, but it's starting to become too much, even for you."

I nod as she hops out of the car. I guess time will tell if I can.

*****

Letting go and stopping all my stalking is easier said than done. My mind continues to be fixated on the two of them. I can't think straight and I'm having a hard time functioning in real life. When I'm working, I'm thinking of them. When I'm watching television, I'm thinking of them. When I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm thinking of them. Do you see my destructive pattern?

I still find myself logging into Jacob's email to see if there are any new messages between them. Even I'm making myself sick at this point. I stooped so low that I went and created a bogus Facebook login and befriended Brooke, so now I can see all her posts and pictures. Her profile picture is one of her sitting on Jacob's lap. She's looking at the camera laughing while he's looking at her with his panty melting smile. Ugh! It's so unfair that she gets that with him. I idly wonder if Jacob still has the pictures of me and him on his phone. I don't have any to commemorate our time together. It was too risky to have that kind of evidence where Aiden might have been able to see it.

I caught myself driving past his condo a few times as well. There's always a cute, gray mustang parked in his visitor's spot. That spot used to be mine, damn it! I don't like the thought of her taking my stuff. It would be one thing if I let him go willingly, but in this case, she spread her legs enough to get what she wanted.

I'm going to be leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow and I really want to talk to Jacob before I go. Even I know this obsession can't go on forever. I need to be able to put this to rest one way or another. He didn't officially end things with me, he left it open so that he could string me along. Judging by the way their communications are increasing, my short window of opportunity to get him to see reason is closing.

The question Michelle asked me the other day keeps lingering in my head. Do I really want a future with him at this point? I'm not so sure. I know my libido is screaming for him, but then again that could be because I went from having regular sex with two different guys to having no sex at all.

I wish I could just focus on repairing my relationship with Aiden. He's been perfect this whole time. He calls me every night before bed and we've gone on a few more dates. Each date ends with him telling me the same thing, that we'll both know when it's right. I don't like being led on.

I stare at my infinity ring and remember the moment he gave it to me. Our souls really are entwined forever. Yet for some reason, here I am potentially fucking up my marriage even more while fantasizing about a man who has another woman. I couldn't make this shit up, even if I tried.

I pick up my phone and after debating over it, I finally make the call. With each ring, I can feel my anxiety building. I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. After five rings, his voicemail picks up. Shit! Why is he ignoring me? I can't handle this right now. My emotions are getting the better of me. I exhale and decide to leave a message.

"Hey, Jake. It's me. Sam. I was hoping I could talk to you. I miss you, baby, and I strongly believe we need to talk and decide once and for all what we are to each other. I can't keep going back and forth. I know you're seeing Brooke too, but we are so good together and I think we could be really happy together. Don't you remember the way it felt when we made love in Boston? We can have that again. Just, call me, please." I hang up the phone and wait until my hands stop shaking. This is his last chance to realize what he's missing out on. If he doesn't, I have no choice but to end this psychotic behavior.

*****

"Vegas, baby!" Michelle stands on her chair with her arms raised in the air and screams, causing the rest of us ladies in the room to shout back with laughter.

Something about Vegas certainly makes you feel uninhibited and reckless. We've been drinking in a private room at the Hard Rock Hotel for hours. My poison of choice is Cosmos and Lemon Drop shots, with a few Jager Bombs mixed in there. I lost count of my drinks a long time ago. My head is fuzzy and feels like its rolling on my shoulders. I'm smart enough, though, to grab a glass of water and down it in an effort to pull me off the ledge of total inebriation.

Beth, a small red-headed power house, is rallying everyone into going dancing at the Body English Nightclub located in the hotel. We all walk through the casino, arm in arm, being loud and raucous.

The club is packed when we get there, bodies grinding and swaying to the music, drinks flowing freely. This is Sin City at its finest. I grab Michelle and Beth and we head to the dance floor. "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke starts playing and the room goes berserk. My arms are in the air, my hips are swaying, and I'm completely entranced by the way the music vibrates through my body. I'm wearing a tight, black strapless dress that barely covers my ass. With each sway and dip of my hips, I can feel it riding up a little further. I can't help the excitement it brings to know I'm being so naughty and giving everyone a show.

From behind me a set of hands land on my hips and pull me back into a strong, muscular chest. His hips grind into my backside and I can feel his erection pressed into my ass. I tense for a moment, but between the booze and the euphoria of dancing, I find myself responding to this stranger. My arms grab his hips and pull him in even closer as we continue to move seductively with each other. His mouth is at my neck, each hot breath fanning across my skin. This man has moves and they are quickly taking me under.

I spin around to get a better look at the stranger who's got my sex drive in full swing. He's tall, with gray eyes and dark, black hair. He has a chiseled jaw covered in stubble which gives him an edgy vibe. My God, he's breathtaking. I take a step closer and he puts his thigh between my legs, subtly causing friction against my core. Heat takes over my body. I wrap my arms around his neck and grind my body against his, enjoying the hard muscle of his leg that's doing incredible things to me. This man must work out religiously. He reminds me of a UFC fighter or a body builder.

He leans down and speaks in my ear, causing a shiver to go down my spine. "Hey, doll. Want to get a drink?" I smile and nod my agreement before he leads me off the floor to the bar. After ordering us each a shot, his arm snakes around my waist and pulls me into his side. I've never allowed myself to be this forward with a stranger before, but I just can't seem to stop myself. All my inhibitions are gone, thanks to the atmosphere here coupled with the massive amount of alcohol I've consumed.

"Got a name, doll?" He asks, the rough timbre of his voice sending goose bumps down my arms.

"Sam, yours?" I look up at him through my lashes, kicking my flirtation up a couple notches.

"Colt. What's a beautiful girl like you doing here all alone?" His finger trails down my neck. He has seduction down pat.

"Having fun," I wink and try to play coy. "You really think I'm beautiful?" I ask with a small smile. Yes, I'm fishing for compliments. My ego has taken such a hit between Jacob and Aiden, I'd take whatever validation this hottie is willing to give me.

"Doll, your fucking smokin'. I'm a lucky man to be here with you. Feel what you do to me." He grabs my hand and presses it into his still hard cock. "Want to go back to my room and get to know each other better?" He asks as his fingers glide along my thigh and under my dress. A rush of wetness settles between my legs.

"Buy me another shot and we'll see." I shrug, trying to show indifference even though my girly bits are at full attention and salivating with the need to see what Colt can offer them.

He signals for the bartender to give us another round of tequila. This shot goes down smoother than the last. The drunken haze I had earlier is now back in full force. The lights are blurring and I'm feeling extremely tipsy.

I should know better than to get myself into a situation like this. Under normal circumstances, I would never dream of leaving a bar with anyone, especially someone I've just met.

Before I can contemplate the situation any further, Colt slams his glass on the bar, takes my hand and leads me out of the club. The elevator signals its arrival and after stepping on, he pushes me against the wall, his mouth crashing down on mine.

It all happens so fast that I have no idea how to stop it or if I even want to stop it. His hand grabs my breast, his thumb and forefinger rolling my nipple. I moan in his mouth at the contact. His other hand dives under my dress and into my panties. His long, calloused fingers rub through my wet folds, eliciting a full body shudder from me. His thumb works my clit while he inserts two fingers roughly into my pussy. The penetration is harsh and unexpected, but it's effective.

I reach down and unbutton the first few buttons on his jeans, leaving enough room for me to slide my hand in and grip his massive erection. _Holy hell!_ This guy is huge! I'm not sure if he'll actually fit in me. I've always wondered what it would be like to fuck a man so well endowed. I guess I'm about to find out. The fact that he's going commando is adding to my lust fueled desire. All thoughts of stopping this have been swept away. The haze I felt earlier has been amplified by the lust coursing through my body.

His hand leaves my panties, causing me to whimper at the loss of his touch. He hits the stop button on the elevator and reaches into his wallet for a condom. "Sorry, doll, but there is no way I'm going to be able to wait until we get to my room."

He finishes unbuttoning his jeans, shoving them down his hips just enough for his cock to spring free. Damn! This is my first glimpse at his sheer and utter perfection. It's long, rock hard and thick, jutting out towards his stomach. I lick my lips wanting a taste.

"Jesus! Don't look at me that way or I'll come right now." He curses as he rips my panties away, grabs my ass and lifts me. My legs circle his waist and he immediately slides me down his length.

Oh... my... GOD! The sensations hitting me as he scrapes along my swollen tissues are almost too much to bear. I close my eyes, letting my head fall back against the wall of the elevator.

"Shit! You're so damn tight! Your hot, little pussy is like a vice around my cock." His hips rear back and pump into me repeatedly.

Okay ladies... at this point of the story I have to stop and point out that size really does matter. Colt is touching places inside me that I never knew existed. I'm going to come from penetration alone, there is no need for him to stimulate me in any other way. It's so intense that I feel like I'm going to die if I don't get there soon.

"That's it, doll, fucking come all over me." Oh yum! I love the dirty talk coming from this fine specimen of a man.

After a few more thrusts, I do just as he commanded. I come long and hard. My pussy squeezing his cock almost violently. He continues to thrust, a string of curses flying out of his mouth, and then he plants himself fully in me and comes as hard as I did.

We stand there for a few minutes, his head is buried in my neck while mine still rests against the wall. He pulls out before setting me on my feet. I tug my dress down to cover myself. It seems way too intimate to let him see me fully exposed, even if we did just have sex.

"Damn. That was the hottest sex I've ever had. It's like you were made for me. You should come up to my room so we can spend the rest of the night fucking," he says as he tucks himself into his pants and ties off the condom.

I can't speak. The seriousness of what just happened is starting to crush down on me. I just had wild, hot sex in an elevator with a perfect stranger. And I enjoyed it. I'm mortified by the fact that I'd allow myself to be a one-night stand just to get some attention from a man. I suddenly feel far too sober.

I reach over and hit the button to make the elevator move again. Colt reaches out to touch me and I recoil, backing into the corner of the elevator.

"What the fuck is happening here?" He asks, pointing his finger in my direction. "Look, you wanted that shit just as much as I did. Don't try acting scared now. Shit! You aren't going to say I raped you are you?" He looks panicked at the thought that I'm about to freak out.

I feel bad for leading him on, but I am indeed about to freak out. I shake my head and hit the button for my floor. My lips are trembling and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to hold back my tears. My arms wrap protectively around my stomach. I have officially hit rock bottom.

*****

Michelle finds me curled into a ball on the floor of the shower sobbing hysterically. I've scrubbed my skin to the point that it's red and sore, but I still feel dirty. Why did I allow myself to sink so low? The only reason I ever had an affair with Jacob was because it _was_ Jacob. There was history there – a familiarity and an undeniable connection between us. Colt was an aberration. It's as if I don't even know myself anymore.

"Sam, what's wrong? Tell me what happened." She shuts the water off and crouches down behind me, holding me tightly and rocking me back and forth.

I'm crying too hard to answer. Even if I wasn't, I'm not sure I can bring myself to admit the fact that I just had sex with someone I had met only a half hour before. The worst part was it was amazing sex. I'm so ashamed of my behavior that I can't even allow myself to relish that fact.

"Please tell me what's wrong. Do you want me to call Aiden?" Her eyes and arms are scanning my body trying to determine if I'm physically hurt.

"No! You can't call him!" I desperately cry out and grab her arm with a firm grip to emphasize my point.

"Then tell me what the hell happened?" She demands to know. My behavior has her visibly concerned.

"I... I was dancing at the club and one thing led to another and I ended up having dirty, hot sex on the elevator with a complete stranger. I'm such a slut! And now I can't get clean!" I bury my head in my hands and start crying again.

"Oh, lord. This is bad," she says before wrapping me in a towel and leading me into the room. She hands me a robe from the closet. After putting it on, I sit on the edge of the bed and try to curb my tears.

"Sam, honey, you need to listen to me." She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. "This behavior is unacceptable. You're sliding down a slippery slope. Please find some traction and stop yourself before it's too late."

I know that what she's saying is true. I just don't know how to stop. I feel so lost and insecure. I want so desperately to be loved. I want the fairytale ending just like in the books. I want to feel special and worshipped. I want hot, kinky sex on a regular basis with a guy who I feel connected with. When I share this fact with Michelle, she looks at me like I'm a complete idiot.

"Sam, you do have that... with Aiden. If you want things to be different in your relationship, all you have to do is open up your mouth and say so." She looks at me exasperatedly. "If you want him to tie you to the bed and flog you, say so. If you want him to take you dancing on a regular basis, say so. If you want him to bend you over the kitchen table, say so. You can't expect him to know what you're thinking. No guy is going to be like one of your book boyfriends. Women write those characters, not men."

She has a point. If I want things to be different, I need to make them different. I've been relying on Aiden and Jacob to make me happy, but neither one really knew how. Then I remember Aiden telling me that until I was happy with me, I'd never be happy with anyone else. Why didn't I see it then? I could have saved us all so much heartache and anguish.

Aiden is my one true love. I think I was using Jacob to fill the void that had grown when Aiden was so distant. The only reason why I was able to go through with it was because there was a history there that ended abruptly with no real closure. I tricked my brain into thinking what was happening was inevitable, but it wasn't. Ultimately, I transferred my feelings from Aiden to Jacob in a desperate attempt to find myself.

I've been making an idiot out of myself chasing after Jacob. If he wants to be with Brooke, I'm going to let him be. It's not that she wins over me. It just means that he and I aren't meant to be together. He's still an ass for the way he handled things between us, but I can't fault him for having feelings for someone else. Maybe she's his soul mate.

Tonight, I spiraled out of control, seeking out intimacy from a beautiful stranger. I desperately wanted to feel that connection with someone. My pride and ego felt beaten and damaged by being turned away by both Jacob and Aiden. But Aiden wasn't really turning me away. He was giving me space to work this all out on my own. Now I know why he said we'd both know when it was right.

God, I'm such an idiot!

There should be a choir of angels singing "Hallelujah" in the corner of the room now that I've finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized what a major fuck up I am. Thank god Aiden has been so patient with me. I could have lost the best thing that's ever happened to me.

## Chapter Nineteen

I'm having a weird dream about rainbows and unicorns when suddenly off in the distance there is a phone ringing. I turn left and right trying to find the source of the ringing but it's nowhere to be found. I awake and realize it's my actual cell phone ringing, not a dream phone. I lean up on my elbows and glance at my alarm clock. It's almost ten o'clock. I can't believe I slept so late, it's not like me.

I pick up the phone and look at the number flashing on the caller ID. It's not a number I'm familiar with but I decide to answer it just in case. I swipe my finger to answer the call and say, "Hello."

"Is this Samantha?" A female voice asks.

"This is she," I respond carefully. I don't like the tone in this person's voice.

"This is Brooke Dugan, Jacob's girlfriend. I want you to stop calling him and texting him. He's showed me your messages and I have to say it's pretty pathetic. He played me your voicemail just last night, and we had a huge laugh over how desperate you are. So, do yourself a favor and leave Jacob alone," she hisses at me through the phone.

I'm speechless. I can't believe he'd break my trust by showing her private messages between us. A sharp pain pierces my chest. Even though I've decided to leave Jacob behind me, it doesn't mean it can't hurt to feel so betrayed. Jacob doing that only goes to show that he couldn't have really loved me. I would never make a mockery of our time together.

"And another thing, Jacob's completely moved on. He doesn't have any more emails or texts from you and he deleted all your pictures. _He's_ trying to make a clean break. Why won't you just let him?"

"A clean break? Is that what he told you? Well I hate to break it to you, but the last time we were together – after we both gave each other a mind-blowing orgasm of course – he told me he's not done with me. He said he still loves me but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So maybe you should get your facts straight before you get up in my face about something you know nothing about." Okay, so I might have left out a few facts but this bitch has no right sticking her nose in my business. She needs to be taught a lesson.

"You know, I feel sorry for your husband. How does he feel about the fact that you keep throwing yourself at another man's feet?" She hurls Aiden in my face and it makes me even more pissed off.

"You don't know anything about me and my husband. So keep your perky little nose out of my damn business." My voice is raised and I've lost all my patience.

"Don't I? I know more about you than you think. You're nothing but a slut who can't be faithful to a husband who would clearly do anything for you. You think you're so fucking perfect, but the truth is you're a fucking train wreck hell bent on destroying anyone who gets in your way." Her voice is grating in my ears and I just can't take listening to anymore of what she has to say. She doesn't know my situation, she only thinks she does.

"I have nothing left to say to you. Contact me again, and you will regret it, Brooke. Maybe you should focus on your relationship with Jacob and stop worrying about mine." I hang up the phone before throwing it across the room.

That bitch just infuriated me. And the fact that Jacob betrayed me makes it even worse. There is no way I'm letting her get away with talking to me like that. And he deserves to burn in hell for what he's done.

My face breaks out into a huge grin and I let out a long, hard maniacal laugh. I've just decided that revenge is my latest mission and I have just the plan. I can't wait to put it in motion.

I go in search of my phone and call Michelle. She's a key piece to this masterpiece succeeding.

"Hey, bitch! What's shaking today?" She answers with a smile in her voice. I know for a fact she spent the night with Kyle at his place since she didn't come home. It seems domesticity agrees with her.

"Well, I'm hoping you'll be the Thelma to my Louise and help me out with a little situation," I reply to her.

"Oh, do tell grasshopper," she says channeling David Carradine circa his Kung Fu days.

I proceed to tell her all about Jacob's treachery and Brooke's interference on my behalf.

"She said what?" Michelle screeches into the phone.

I laugh and repeat my conversation with Brooke. I know Michelle will be on board with my revenge plans once she heard the story.

"Oh, honey. We need to teach that bitch a lesson. She can't call you up and throw that shit in your face without repercussions. So, what did you have in mind?" I can just imagine her rubbing her hands together looking as excited as a kid on Christmas morning.

I describe my plan in detail and wait for her to work through it all. A smile spreads across my face when she announces, "I'm sold! Where do I sign up?"

*****

Tonight, Brooke is going to learn that her relationship with Jacob is not as solid as she thinks. If she thought she could mess with me and walk away unscathed, she has another thing coming.

Michelle played her part beautifully earlier today. She called Jacob this afternoon and told him that she was worried about me. She made up some line of bullshit about me not eating and drinking too much. She even went so far as to say she is beginning to fear for my safety. When he asked if she talked to Aiden about it, she lied and told him that Aiden and I haven't spoken while we've been separated. Playing on his emotions is ruthless, but has ultimately ensured that he'll be home alone tonight. It's the only way this would work.

A small part of me feels bad for lying to him like this, but then I remember the fact that he shared our messages with Brooke and even had the nerve to laugh about the time we spent together.

I'm wearing only a black lace bra and panties with black thigh highs and a garter belt underneath a trench coat, belted at my waist. I check my face in my compact and then knock on Jacob's door. When he answers, he looks visibly shocked.

"What are you doing here? Michelle said she needed to talk to me about you. I guess she's been worried about you, but you look fine to me."

"She just said that so we could have some time alone." I trail my finger down his chest before gripping the waistband of his jeans and pushing him back. I step into the apartment and the door closes behind me. I continue to walk, putting pressure on his stomach, forcing him to walk backwards.

"Sam, what are up to?" You can tell he's confused and a little nervous by my behavior. I needed to catch him unaware for this to work.

"I'm here for you, baby. I can't stop thinking about you," I purr at him and my voice sounds needy even to me. "Picturing your long, hard cock keeps me up at night. And remembering how good it felt when you plunged into my tight, hot pussy makes me want to put my hands in my panties all the damn time. Jacob, I need you to fuck me and I need it now." I untie the belt of my jacket and let it drop to the floor, revealing the little bit of clothing I have on.

His gaze slowly takes me in from head to toe. I reach around and unclasp my bra, slowly drawing it down my arms before throwing it across the room. I take two more steps towards him, forcing him onto the couch. When his ass hits the cushions, I straddle his legs and arch my back to push my tits up towards his face.

"Sam, we can't do this. I'm with Brooke now." He clenches his hands like he's trying to keep them from reaching out and fondling my breasts.

"I know, baby. I don't mind. I just want one more time with you." I start rubbing my pussy over his now erect cock. I knew he'd react this way. Even though we are bad for each other, the sexual chemistry is still there. There is no way he'll be able to walk away from me. The only problem is my body is starting to react as well. I guess if I end up having an orgasm during this process it won't be too bad. It's the least he can do for me after fucking up my life so bad. I'll just take one for the team, as they say.

"Just one more time?" He asks and I nod my head. I continue to slowly rub back and forth while taking his hands and moving them up to my breasts. With that one touch he loses what little control he was holding on to. His mouth closes around a nipple and starts sucking while his hand rolls the other one between his fingers. I drop my head back and enjoy the sensations, letting him think he's in charge.

His lips trail up my neck where he proceeds to bite my earlobe. "Damn, Sam! I've missed this so much. You feel incredible right now."

I open my eyes and glance at the clock on the other side of the room. We need to get this show on the road if my plan is going to work.

I start to rub a little faster. I know Jacob won't go any further until I've been taken care of. My hips start rolling, changing where the friction is hitting me. I pant with my impending orgasm. His hands push down on my hips intensifying my pleasure. My fingers find my breasts, tugging and rolling my nipples. It's enough to send me over the edge. My body shakes and convulses with my orgasm.

"I need to be inside you, baby. I need to feel you wrapped around me. It's been too damn long." Jacob reaches down to undo his jeans but I stand up and put my hand out to stop him. I untie the strings of my panties and let them fall down my legs, leaving me in nothing but my garter belt, stockings and stilettos. He swallows hard at the sight of my mostly naked body. I grab his hands and pull him up from the couch. Stroking the bulge in his jeans, I lean in and whisper, "This right here is my reward, and tonight I'm going to taste how sweet victory is." His groan is all the permission I need to continue.

I lead him down the hall and to his bed before pushing him down on the mattress. I crawl up beside him, unbutton his jeans and pull them down his body. Once he's naked, I straddle his stomach and start running my tongue along his chest. I paint circles around his nipples and suck them gently. His hips start to buck so I reach down and stroke his cock.

I don't want to take this much further physically, so I'm mentally crossing my fingers that the email I sent earlier today found its recipient in time. I no sooner think that thought, when I hear the front door open. Jacob rolls me on my back and I continue stroking him, adding a little twist to my wrist whenever my hand grazes over the tip of his penis causing him to curse loudly. I grab his hand and put it between my legs, silently encouraging him to play with me there. He takes the bait and inserts two fingers into my wet pussy and I let out an exaggerated moan. Just as I hear footsteps quietly coming down the hall, I lift my head and kiss Jacob hard and rough. I put every ounce of passion I can into the kiss to make it believable.

The light flips on and a horrifying screech comes out of Brooke's mouth. Her face drains of all color and she looks like she's going to vomit. She runs out of the room and down the hall, slamming the front door on her way out.

Jacob stands up and pulls his jeans on. "Shit! I have to go after her." He stops in front of me and looks ashamed. "We shouldn't have done this. She's going to be devastated."

I wave my hand flippantly between us. "Don't worry about me. Go ahead. I'm just going to get dressed and leave."

He heads out the front door but stops when I call out, "Oh, Jacob. It was really nice knowing you. Revenge is a bitch, isn't it?"

## Chapter Twenty

Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

The stick has two pink lines! Two! That means I'm pregnant... with a child! Knocked up! Oh dear god! What am I going to do?

I have no idea who the father is either. Contraception never even crossed my mind when I was with Jacob. I mean sure, I could ask Aiden and Jacob for a paternity test, but how horrible does that sound? "Hey, I'm not sure which one of you impregnated me because I'm a dirty slut who has unprotected sex with not one but two men. And don't forget I was married when I did this!"

My stomach drops. To make matters worse, I may have just left things on a very sour note with the father of my child. To say Jacob didn't like hearing that that night was all about payback is an understatement. I've never seen his face so red or the veins in his neck bulge so much. In the end, he didn't really get to rip me a new one because I reminded him that he was heading out the door to go find his little girlfriend.

Remembering the look on her face when she saw us half naked and in the process of pleasing each other, makes me forget all about my impending doom. A smile stretches across my face and I have to laugh a little at her getting a taste of her own medicine.

Reality quickly returns, though, as I rush to the toilet and puke, yet again.

For as much as I hate to admit it, I suppose I should make things right with Jacob just to be on the safe side. I'll send him an email tonight explaining that his betrayal warranted some form of retribution. I haven't really explained to him the epiphany I had about everything that happened. Originally, I had hoped that we could talk things over and part as friends. I might have burned that bridge, though.

Anyways, Brooke needed to see that Jacob could easily be persuaded to stray. When I was stringing two guys along at the same time, both of them ended up crushed by my deception. Even though I hate her guts, I still wouldn't wish those feelings on her. If she's smart, she left his ass. I'm going to assume that she's not and took him back in a heartbeat, though.

I definitely can't tell Aiden I'm pregnant until I go to the doctor's and get more information. He's been wanting a child for so long, that it will probably destroy him if this is Jacob's baby. My stomach rolls again at the thought.

When I finish puking, I rinse my mouth out and head to the phone to call the doctors. They can get me in tomorrow afternoon. Now all I have to do is try not to obsess about this between now and then. _Easier said than done_.

The fact that Aiden and I just fully reconciled only makes the fact that this could be Jacob's baby even worse. I sat Aiden down and explained to him how I finally realized what he was trying to tell me this whole time. I assured him that I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. I told him everything, even the fact that I had a one-night stand and enacted revenge on Jacob. To say he wasn't happy hearing either was also an understatement, but I wanted total disclosure after all the lies I had told.

I really need to call Michelle and get her advice. I can't do this alone. I haven't spoken to her too much since I moved back in with Aiden last week. I know she's been spending more time with Kyle and things seem to be getting serious between the two of them. I just hope she has time for me right now. I feel like I should buy her a new car or something to make up for the fact that she has to keep rescuing me from my own foolishness.

"Hey, girl. How's everything in the Parker house?" She says in lieu of a traditional greeting.

"The house is fine, but the woman in the house is freaking out," I reply exaggeratedly.

"Shit! Not again. What happened this time?" She sounds frustrated with me. I suppose she has every right to be. I have put her through a lot these last few months.

"Are you sitting down?"

"Yes," she says warily.

"Well, I've been feeling really tired lately and even puked a few times. Then I realized I hadn't had my period in a couple months so I bought a test. Michelle..." I pause, my throat working to swallow the lump that's formed there. "I'm pregnant."

She squeals in delight into the phone. "This is so exciting! I can't wait to meet him or her! With your and Aiden's genes, this child will be a real heartbreaker! Wait... why aren't you more excited?"

"See, this is where the freaking out comes into play. I'm not sure Aiden is the father," I admit guiltily.

"Jacob never suited up? How dumb could you be, Sam?" She yells into the phone.

"I don't need a lecture right now. I need my friend to show me some support and to tell me it's all going to work out in the end. I also need her to promise she'll go to the doctor's with me tomorrow afternoon."

"Of course I'll go. I'm sorry I automatically criticized you. Look, I'll be over in an hour with ice cream." She hangs up the phone before I have a chance to say goodbye.

*****

Sitting on the exam table with the paper crinkling under my butt and my back exposed to the draft in the room is not exactly how I want to be spending my afternoon. I'm tense and nervous. Today can either go really well or really bad. It all depends on what the doc has to say. My fate lies in whatever happens in these next thirty minutes.

My doctor comes in and goes through the basic procedures of a checkup. He starts asking questions to try and determine my due date. "When was your last menstrual cycle?" He looks up at me, adjusting his glasses. He's an attractive man for his age. He's probably late fifties and his salt and pepper hair gives him a distinguished look.

"I don't remember exactly. I think it was around the end of June." I'm really not sure at all. What I do remember, though, is that the last time I had sex with Jacob was right after I finished my last period. I'm silently praying that that fact means this baby is Aiden's.

"No problem. After I finish examining you, we'll do a transvaginal ultrasound – rather than a standard ultrasound – to check for embryonic development and determine how far along you are. If your last period was in June, you're probably over eight weeks pregnant, but I'd feel safer going this route in case you aren't actually that far along."

Michelle holds my hand when it's time for me to lay back and put my feet in the stirrups preparing for the ultrasound. The doctor rolls a long condom down the wand and prepares to insert it in my vagina.

"Oh my god! You're sticking that..." She points to the wand and then to my vagina, "up there!"

I groan and cover my eyes with hands. This is so embarrassing. Leave it to her to act inappropriately during a doctor's visit.

"Trust me when I say it won't hurt her like you'd think," the doctor says reassuringly. His mouth presses together like he's attempting to contain his laughter at her idiocy.

Michelle sits back down and shakes her head woodenly. It's clear she's freaked out by this process.

I take a deep breath as the wand is inserted in me and look over at the screen as the fuzzy image becomes clear.

"There's your baby, Samantha." The doctor announces while pointing at the screen.

My heart stops and tears fill my eyes. That's my baby. My perfect little baby. I wish Aiden was here to see this. My selfishness has led to him missing a very important milestone in my pregnancy.

If it is his child.

Michelle squeezes my hand tightly, pulling me from that horrid thought. I look over at her and there are tears streaming down her face as well. I laugh, both from excitement and at the sight we must make.

"Based on what I'm seeing, I'd say you're about eleven or twelve weeks along. I'm going to estimate your due date to be around the middle of April. Conception most likely occurred middle to late July. Congratulations!"

My mind goes into overdrive to do the math. I spent most of last night trying to piece together timelines for this very moment. Mid to late July was just after my anniversary. The last time I had sex with Jacob was a week before my anniversary. I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. This baby has to be Aiden's.

"Thank you, doctor. Is it possible for you to print some pictures out for me to take home?" I can't wait to show Aiden our baby. He is going to be over the moon when he finds out. I'm half tempted to go to his work just to show him. I'm not good with keeping a secret.

"Of course, dear. Do you want to hear the heartbeat too?" He asks while pushing buttons on the machine.

"Yes, please." I wipe the wetness from my face, just to have the tears start back up when the sound of my little peanut's heart fills the room. It's absolutely magical.

The car ride back to my house is silent. We're both in awe of what we just experienced. I place my hand over my belly. There's a tiny little person in there. I can't fathom the fact that after all this time we're finally having a baby. My heart is bursting with the love I feel right now for my little peanut.

Michelle pulls in the driveway and puts the car in park. She turns to me and looks a little uneasy about what she needs to say. "Sam, I don't want to ruin the beautiful thing we witnessed back there, but what are you going to do about Aiden? Is the baby his?"

"The last time I had sex with Jacob was right after my last period. The baby is most definitely Aiden's." I've never been so relieved by anything in my life.

"Good. I'm glad. He's going to be so damn happy when he finds out. When are you going to tell him?" The huge smile on her face mirrors my own.

"Tonight! I can't wait. I have the perfect idea on how I want to do it." I bounce up and down with my excitement.

"Okay. Call me later and let me know how it goes. Of course, if you spend the whole night in bed, I'll understand if I don't hear from you until tomorrow." She gives me a big hug and I rush into the house to prepare for tonight.

*****

Aiden comes home from work and I have the table already set and candles lit. I want us to have a romantic dinner before I give him his present. My nerves are shot about getting this just right. You only get one chance to tell your husband that you are pregnant with your first child.

"What do I owe this fancy meal to?" He asks as he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me before planting a kiss on my head.

"I just thought we could have a nice, romantic meal tonight. Why don't you go clean up, dinner will be ready in five," I reply as I join his hands with mine pulling him tighter around me. He kisses my neck and heads to the bathroom to freshen up.

I fill our plates with filet mignon, oven roasted red potatoes, and asparagus drizzled with a cream sauce. I pour Aiden a glass of red wine and myself a glass of water. I'm just sitting down when he comes into the dining room. He kisses my forehead before sitting kitty corner from me at the head of the table.

"No wine tonight?" He asks and I feel a blush creeping across my face.

"I have a headache so I figured a glass of water would be better for me." I shove a piece of steak in my mouth to stop me from having to speak any further on the subject.

"You sure everything's okay? You've been off lately. I noticed you've been sleeping more. You aren't depressed or anything?" He grabs my hand trying to soften the blow of his words. "Because you know you can tell me anything, honey. If moving back home was too much, too fast, we can figure out a way to make it work."

"Oh, Aiden. I'm not depressed. I've just been tired. It must be the change in the weather." I cup his cheek in my hand. "Moving back in was the smartest thing I've ever done. I never should have left in the first place. Please don't worry about us. We're fine. Perfect even."

He smiles and nods, looking extremely relieved by my declaration.

We continue to make small talk and as our plates are becoming emptier, I'm getting that much more anxious. My leg is jittery and my hands are trembling. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep this secret much longer.

"I was thinking we could go on vacation with Ben, Charlotte and their kids in the spring. They're going to Hawaii during the kid's break from school," Aiden says, breaking me of my thoughts.

"Um, yeah, sure," I stutter not making eye contact. Spring break is usually in March or April and we most definitely won't be flying to Hawaii at the end of my pregnancy.

"Sam, you're acting funny again. Is there anything you'd like to tell me? Please don't say you've been settling the score with anymore exes." He raises his eyebrow attempting to make me spill my guts.

"No, but I got you a present today. I'm thinking now is as good a time as any for you to open it." I get up and get the wrapped box from a drawer in the buffet. I set it in front of him and he looks up at me with confusion in his eyes.

"What's this for? Did I forget an anniversary or something?" I want to laugh at how nervous he looks, thinking he might have done something that incredibly stupid.

"Yes. The anniversary of our first date." I start laughing as his face flushes at the thought. "Calm down. You didn't forget anything. I just wanted to give you something special," I murmur timidly.

He pulls apart the bow and then unwraps the box. I hold my breath when he takes the lid off and sees what's inside.

He picks up the t-shirt and holds it out in front of him. I can tell he's confused. It's a gray t-shirt with a navy ring around the collar and sleeves. Printed on the front in red and black letters is the saying, "The Man behind the Belly."

"There's more," I say pointing towards another wrapped present that rests in the box beneath where the shirt was.

He sets the shirt down on the table and tears open the paper on the next gift. He stares at the frame holding the sonogram picture for several long minutes before wiping his eyes. I didn't even realize he was crying. He looks up at me with a huge smile on his face. "Is this for real? Are we really having a baby?" There is so much hope in his voice and in his eyes, it makes me speechless. All I can do is give him a watery, shaky smile and nod my head.

He stands up and lets out a loud whoop before picking me up bridal style and carrying me upstairs to our bedroom. I wrap my arms around his shoulders as I laugh at his enthusiasm. He is as excited as I anticipated he would be.

"I think it's time to celebrate properly," he says in between removing pieces of our clothing.

And celebrate we do. We spend the rest of the night in bed, commemorating this special day a total of six times.

## Chapter Twenty-One

"I swear this child has sucked all the creativity out my brain! I can't think of a single damn thing to write. And let's not forget about the fact that I cry at everything – and I do mean everything! It doesn't matter what I try writing, it makes me sob uncontrollably!"

"Get a hold of yourself already! If I could I'd slap some sense into you I would, but I don't think people would look favorably upon me for hitting a pregnant woman," Michelle all but screams in my face. It's an effective way to calm me down at least.

"Whatever. Don't you have to be nice to me all the time just because I'm pregnant? I think it's a law. Yep, I'm pretty sure it is in fact a law. You can never be mean to me. Not until I push this thing out," I smile at the annoyance on her face and put my feet up on the table.

"If you'd stop blowing hot air, I'd be able to tell you that I have an idea. Why don't you write about your affair with Jacob and his subsequent affair with Brooke? I would think that would make a great story. I personally wouldn't mind reading it." She snaps her fingers and continues with excitement, "You could call it 'Love Square.' You know since you were basically in a love triangle and then it turned into a square! Excellent idea, I say!" She is so proud of herself. And I have to agree, it is a really good idea.

"I knew I kept you around for a reason," I tease her.

When I get home, I head straight for the office. My mind has been churning over the different things I want to write about everything that's happened over the last year of my life. There has to be other women out there that have found themselves in a situation similar to mine. I was so lost and insecure, making so many mistakes just trying to figure out who I really am.

I sit at my desk and start outlining out the plotline. Part of me is nervous about reliving my affair with Jacob. There is so much raw emotion attached to it. I'm finally in a good headspace and I don't want to get wrapped back up in all that negativity. We both fooled ourselves into thinking that what we had was real love. But when you're in the thick of an affair and emotions are heightened, it's really easy to think it's more than it is. We weren't in love with each other. We were in lust with each other.

By the time I'm done, I'm exhausted. I decide to table it for another day. I head to the family room and crawl up next to Aiden on the couch. I lay half on top of him, with my back against the cushions and our legs tangled. He puts one arm around my back and his other hand rests protectively on my belly. This is his latest thing to do. He's constantly touching my stomach.

"What were you doing up there for so long?" He asks while his gaze is trained on the game.

"I met with Michelle today and she gave me a great idea for my next book. She recommended that I write about everything that happened to me over the last few months. I was upstairs doing an outline."

I lean up on my elbow and look up at him. "Are you okay with me telling our story? I mean, it will be a work of fiction and the names will be different."

He thinks about it for a minute and then agrees that it's probably a good idea. "I think that you'd sell a lot of books with how drama filled our lives have been. If you're comfortable writing it, then I'm comfortable with you writing it. I just don't want any unnecessary stress on you and peanut here." He strokes his hand over my stomach, causing me to get turned on. There is something so sexy about a man being in love with his unborn child.

"I'd like to try. I think it will be therapeutic to purge everything from my head. And if I can save even one marriage by putting myself out there, it will be worth it."

"Then there's your answer," he murmurs before moving his hand up to cup my breast. "Since you're off for the rest of the night, want to make out on the couch for a little while?"

He doesn't have to ask me twice. I nod my head and he rolls us so he's mostly on top of me. Our make out session turns into a making love session. I absolutely love my life right now.

*****

Cleaning out my office, I sit down to finally go through the email that has been piling up the last month or so. I've been so engrossed in writing my latest book that I've fallen behind on several items. My email and social media accounts are riddled with messages that need my attention. I wouldn't be surprised if I have a lot of unhappy fans right now. Normally, I would keep them up to date on what I'm working on. It just hasn't happened this time around.

I could really use an assistant right about now. When the baby comes I'm definitely going to need all the help I can get. I'll have to talk to Aiden about hiring someone. He's better at that stuff than I am. I'll have to approve of my compatibility with the person, but he'll be able to tell if the person is a good candidate from a business perspective. I sigh, thinking about how well we complement each other.

Turning my attention back to my email I respond to some fan letters, thanking them for their support. The next email that catches my attention makes me spit my water out. It's from Jacob. This almost feels like déjà vu.

True to my word, I did email Jacob after I discovered I was pregnant. I very tactfully explained why I was upset with him and that I had really hoped we would have been able to be adults and part as friends. I shared my disappointment that he would mock the time we spent together, as if it didn't mean anything to him at all. I asked him to forgive me for taking things a little too far and said that I let my emotions get the better of me. When I didn't immediately get a response, I assumed that bridge was completely burned and that I wouldn't hear from him. Apparently he just needed time to formulate his response. Of course, had I been paying attention to my inbox, I would have seen it a few weeks ago.

I brace myself for the inevitable tongue lashing I'm sure to receive and open the message.

_____________________

From: Jacob Matthews  
Sent: September 29, 2013  
To: Samantha Monroe  
Subject: Re: The other night

I'm not sure where to begin after what happened last week. I never thought you could be so cold and calculating. You had to have known that I cared about Brooke. If I didn't, I never would have walked away from you. Deliberately setting me up, knowing that I have a soft spot for you, and causing the hurt that you did is unforgiveable. You have no idea the damage that you caused.

I've thought a lot about us over the last few weeks and came to a few conclusions. Even when we were younger, you were always a tough nut to crack. You hide your emotions behind a thick impenetrable wall. I never knew what you were thinking, never knew if you were happy or not. The only time I felt I really knew you was when we were intimate. That's the only time you let go and expressed yourself. But how was I to know if that was real or if it was just a byproduct of the intensity of the act itself. I couldn't even get you to tell me you love me without forcing you too. That isn't how a relationship should be. You can't let fear and insecurity hold you back. That's one of the things I love so much about Brooke. I always know where I stand with her. She constantly tells me how much she cares and works every day to make sure there is no doubt in my mind that I'm her priority.

Now I'd like to address the accusations in your email. I have never and would never share intimate details of our time together with anyone, especially not Brooke. I'm not sure where you got that ridiculous idea from. I can't believe you wouldn't trust me enough to know that. After you left my apartment the night I told you I wanted to make things work with Brooke, I didn't hear from you again until your night of "revenge." There were no text messages or voicemails. Maybe you didn't call the right number. I'm not sure and at this point I guess I don't really care.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Judging by the last time I saw you, you have a lot of bitterness you need to let go of. I can honestly say that I'm happy right where I am, with Brooke. Maybe once there could have been a chance for us, but that ship has sailed. I wish you well in your future endeavors and ask that you don't contact me again.

Wow, is all I can say to that email. I never knew he felt that way about me. I do hide my emotions for fear of being hurt. I always felt like I wasn't good enough for him and that he would wake up one day and realize it. Because of that, I guess I tried to keep a wall up around me so I could never be his fool. Not that it didn't stop the impending disaster both times I was involved with him.

If what he's saying is true and he didn't share those messages with Brooke, I feel bad for my revenge tactic that night. I wanted to hurt both of them. Maybe I should have just focused on her. If he didn't share those messages with her, then she obviously got her hands on them somehow. I don't want to give it too much headspace though. I have better things to worry about these days, like going to find some potato chips.

I head to the kitchen pantry and grab a bag of cheddar cheese ruffled chips and sit at the table thinking about Brooke and Jacob. It would seem based on his email that they are still together, so maybe they really belong with each other. I'm not surprised she would take him back after almost having sex with me. She seemed desperate in her attempts to get me out of the picture and to keep hold of him.

And he can sit on his high-horse and act like what I did was unforgiveable and repulsive, but he was the one who was about to have sex with someone who wasn't his beloved girlfriend. I guess it's easier to blame other people for your weaknesses. I know that pretty well, considering I've performed that song and dance a time or two.

I head back to my office and sit down at my desk. I decide to delete the email and go on responding to the remaining unread messages. I refuse to let him get me down. One thing I've learned is that I need to leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't change what happened that night.

Before I finish up my cleaning for the day, I reach into a drawer and find the folder that houses all my intel on Brooke and Jacob. I totally forgot I still had all this information. I walk over to the shredder and insert each page, one by one. It feels liberating, like I'm dropping another weight that's been resting on my shoulders. Letting go is a lot easier than I thought.

*****

My book is officially completed. Michelle loves it and my publisher loves it. After we make the necessary edits, there is going to be a rush to release it by Valentine's Day. Apparently, stories of love gone badly go over well at that time of year. Who knew?

Writing this novel has no doubt been beneficial for me. Some of the memories were bittersweet, some memories were sad and there were a few that were happy. Hormones aside, I cried a river during the retelling of the story. It was a therapeutic release that helped my soul to heal.

I recognized that throughout my journey, I never really knew myself. I didn't know who I was or what I really wanted out of life. Somewhere along the way I stepped off the path I was on and got lost. I crossed lines that should have never been crossed. Now I have to get up every day and look myself in the mirror and learn to forgive myself for the hurt that I caused.

Never in my life have I had so many things to apologize for. If I could take it all back, I would. I'd like to think I would have eventually found myself without all the drama and heartache.

The pain has faded, though, and eventually I hope it will be gone. But for now it serves as a reminder of all I have to fight for. My eyes are finally open and the goal I have to work towards is clear as day – a long and happy future with Aiden and our baby.

Learning who I am is a work in progress but I'm dedicated to seeing it through. Overall, I'm a new person. I've changed for the better. It doesn't matter where I've been; it only matters where I'm going. I might have a long way to go, but I know without a doubt it will all be worth it in the end.

As for me and Aiden, things couldn't be better. The last couple months our communication has become much better. It's a daily struggle to make sure we are being as open and honest as we can be. Gone are the days when the saying 'nothing is wrong' gets taken at face value. And instead of fighting all the time like we used to, we actually talk through things and try to see the other person's viewpoint.

Last weekend, I handed Aiden a copy of the book to read. I gave him the choice and he chose full disclosure. I'm a little concerned about him getting the full effect of my relationship with Jacob. I mean, there is _a lot_ of sex in this book. And most of it is not with Aiden. I know that however he ends up feeling when he's done reading, he'll talk to me about it and we'll be able to work through it.

Our sex life has also taken a turn for the better. Before our issues, we had a semi-regular schedule of sex. Now, we frequently enjoy the intimacy that sex provides us with. We can't get enough of each other and are constantly worshiping each other physically. I've gotten better at voicing what I want as well. Just the other night, I was in the mood for some sexy time. When I snuggled up to Aiden on the couch, rather than wish he would get the hint, I made sure he got the hint.

Geez, I'm getting turned on just thinking about how good it felt when he bent me over the back of the couch and fucked me hard while pulling my hair. Being pregnant has definitely had a positive effect on my sex drive, and I'm loving every moment of it.

## Chapter Twenty-Two

Since morning sickness passed a while ago, I'm feeling much better. But, being six months pregnant isn't easy, especially when you have to go last minute Christmas shopping. I really wish I hadn't forgotten to get my mother-in-law's present. I've decided to blame it on "pregnancy brain" even though I haven't really had a problem with that yet. I'm not ashamed to blame my blunder on my peanut.

There is no hiding the fact that I'm pregnant either, my baby bump is more pronounced and my boobs are getting bigger. And I'm totally working all the cute maternity clothes Michelle and I picked out recently. Today I'm wearing a multi-colored, patterned wrap dress that falls just above my knees. My brown knee high boots look fantastic with it. Just because I'm pregnant, doesn't mean I can't look and feel good. And boy do I feel great. I'm having the best pregnancy. I can't stop smiling and there is so much happiness in me that I'm not sure how I contain it all.

I walk through the double doors of the mall, digging in my purse for a piece of gum when I run smack dab into someone. I mumble an "Excuse me" as I look up and my eyes are met with the angry eyes of Brooke. Great... just what I needed.

"Does Jacob know?" She questions me as she gestures to my baby bump. The venom behind her words drips from her tongue. Brooke has obviously assumed this baby is Jacob's. _Thank god it isn't_.

"I don't see how me being pregnant is any of his business. It was nice seeing you, Brooke," I respond dryly and start to walk away. I stop abruptly, however, when her hand grabs my arm and jerks me around.

"I would assume the fact that he fathered a child is something he would want to know, don't you? Or are you still a selfish bitch who thinks she can manipulate everyone?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but this baby is _not_ Jacob's. And if it was, I would have given him a chance to be the father," I hiss at her. "I'm not the manipulator here. You're the dishonest one who deleted text messages and voicemails to ensure that Jacob and I wouldn't be together."

I can't prove that's what actually happened, but it has to be. Unless Jacob flat out lied to me, she had to have deleted those messages before he got them. She was the only one with motive and accessibility. But that doesn't matter anymore. I'm in a much better place than I was a few months ago.

"I did no such thing," she replies indignantly, crossing her arms and sticking her hip out. "I think it's pathetic you would stoop so low as to accuse me of that. Can't you just admit that the better woman won? Jacob loves _me_."

She sticks her left hand in my face and waggles her finger, drawing my attention to a pear shaped diamond ring. "He proposed to me last week. _I'm_ the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. You just can't deal with the fact that he never wanted that with you. That you weren't enough for him."

"Whatever. I don't have time for this." I shake my head at the fact that she is acting so childishly by trying to taunt me. If Jacob wants to spend the rest of his life dealing with that, more power to him. It's obvious that I've moved on. She is showing her own insecurities with her relationship right now. There is no reason for her to try and throw their engagement in my face unless she's jealous of me.

I turn to walk away and freeze when I see Jacob heading for us. He looks as good as ever. It's funny how his presence doesn't affect me anymore. His face turns pale as he looks me over and stops at my stomach. Shit! I so did not want this to happen. Before he can say anything, I put my hand up and decide to beat him to the punch. "Before you ask, it isn't yours Jake."

"How can you be so sure?" He looks at me skeptically. Brooke walks up to him and puts her arms around his waist, clearly staking her claim over him. I just want to get the hell away from these two toxic people. They are a part of my past, one that has helped me get to where I am today, but one I'd like to forget just the same.

"Trust me. Based on the ultrasound and my due date it can't be you. You were too busy sleeping with Brooke over here." I point my thumb in the bitch's direction and continue, "Besides, if there was a chance it was yours, you'd know about it. Give me a little more credit than that. Now, if we're done here, I have some shopping I need to get to."

I walk away, my head held high and officially leave Jacob Matthews behind me.

*****

Lying in bed, Aiden rests his head on my chest. His fingers are linked with mine on my belly. He knows after my confrontation with Jacob and Brooke that I'm tense. They brought up a lot of feelings and emotions I'd rather not have to deal with.

He's been by my side all night, watching me closely. He even drew me a bath and made me relax for a minimum of a half hour. You can tell he's concerned that my tension will affect me and the baby negatively. Even though his over protectiveness is sweet, sometimes I feel like he takes it a little too far.

It's moments like these, when no words are necessary, that I cherish the most. I thank God every day that we were able to salvage our marriage. Aiden never gave up on us, even when he had every right to.

Our daughter kicks me right next to where our hands rest on my stomach. He looks up at me with wonder in his eyes. This is the first time he's been able to feel her move. He wipes a tear from the corner of his eye and says, "We're going to be okay, Sam. You know that right?"

"I'm scared, Aiden. I've made so many mistakes. I'm ashamed of the way I've acted this last year. What if I can't be a good mother to our child?" It feels good to finally vocalize my biggest worries. What if I can't give our daughter everything she deserves? What if I can't give Aiden everything he deserves?

"I know that's one of your fears and also one of the reasons why you pulled away when we were trying to get pregnant before. I have every faith in you that you will be a wonderful mother, sweetheart. Our baby will know nothing but complete and unconditional love." He kisses my stomach and strokes my head. "No one is perfect. We'll both make mistakes along the way, but I'll always have your back."

The strength in his touch instantly calms me and a feeling of tranquility settles over me. We will be alright. There is no other alternative. I'm determined for us to live a long, happy life together and grow a beautiful, loving family. My soul is at peace and I finally know who I am as a person. There is no greater feeling than one of genuine happiness. And I'm fortunate enough to be able to experience it with Aiden – my best friend and true soul mate – by my side.

## Epilogue

Aiden

Opening the door leading from the garage into the kitchen, I'm greeted by an enthusiastic Hugo. Scratching his ears, I continue to walk through the house. This is my favorite time of day – coming home.

Walking through the family room, I pick up the various toys that litter the floor. I find myself smiling at each one. I always knew being a father would be wonderful. I just had no idea how wonderful. Turning off the light, I make my way up the stairs. The house is so quiet, I'm sure Sam has fallen asleep.

As I reach the top landing, I see that the door of the nursery is open, a faint light casting shadows down the hall.

I quietly walk in, and am greeted by the sight of my girls sleeping soundly. Tessa is lying on Sam's chest in the rocking chair. All I can do is stand there, awe struck, and taking in the sight before me. My world is sitting here in this room and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost them.

And I almost did...

I know you all think I'm a bastard after reading Sam's story. But what you must know is that I have loved her with every fiber of my being since the day we met twelve years ago.

The night we met, I watched her get hit on all night and all I could do was wait for the opportunity to make my move. There was no way she was leaving without me meeting her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, she had such spirit and when she laughed, I could feel it straight in my dick.

I'm not proud of the way I've acted or the way we treated each other during that dark period in our marriage. All I can say is we took each other for granted. A marriage takes work and must constantly be nurtured. It's so easy to forget that and get stuck in the day to day rigors of life.

The day I saw those text messages on Sam's phone, I felt like my world was imploding around me. At first I was angry that she could do that to me. Luckily, I took the time to really think about the situation and what got us to that point. It was then that I decided I would do anything to win her back.

The fact that I made my wife feel so unwanted and unloved, still makes my heart hurt. I plan on spending every day of the rest of our lives making it up to her. And I'm not sure that will even be enough time.

Picking up our gorgeous baby, I place her in the crib. Her blonde curls stick to her forehead, her rosy cheeks so chubby, and her plump little lips parted in sleep. I stroke my finger down her cheek and kiss her forehead before covering her with a blanket.

The day she was born, was the second greatest day of my life. Sam was in labor for ten hours before Tessa made her way into this world. When the doctor placed her in my arms, I cried tears of joy. Its moments like those that bring a man to his knees. Placing her on Sam's chest, I thanked god for giving me my girls. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect them.

Turning back to Sam, she looks so soft and peaceful. Her breast is partially uncovered from when she was feeding Tessa and it makes my dick twitch. Even in her sleep, she turns me on. Putting one arm around her back and the other under her knees, I lift her from the chair. She sighs and her head settles in my neck.

As I lay her in bed, I think back to that fateful night when I paid Brooke Dugan to permanently work her way into Jacob Matthew's bed and his life.

You're probably wondering how I was able to do it. Well, after I realized they were having an affair, I hired a private investigator to get me more details about Jacob and his likes and weaknesses. Then I paid him to find someone who fit the criteria and could easily be inserted into his life. Brooke fit that bill to a 'T'. She was a recent transfer into his department at the station and already had the hots for him. All she needed was some encouragement, which is what I gave her.

I was able to keep tabs on the situation through updates from the investigator and Brooke. How do you think I knew Sam went to see Jacob that night or when the perfect time was to take her on a date after she found out Jacob was seeing someone else?

Now you must really think I'm a bastard... don't you? Like I said, I'd do anything to keep my wife.

I don't really care if you hate me. I have everything I need in this world right here under this roof. But in my defense, if Jacob was really in love my wife, Brooke wouldn't have been able to turn his head in the first place. No matter what an asshole I've been, I can honestly say I've never strayed from her. She deserves that kind of devotion.

Sam wakes when I cover her with the blanket and kiss her forehead.

"Aiden? What time is it?" She asks with a sleep roughened voice.

"It's late, sweetheart. Why don't you go back to sleep?" Cupping her cheek, I lean in and tenderly kiss her lips.

"Mmm... I'd much rather make love to you," she whispers against my lips.

That's all the invitation I need. I quickly undress, climb into bed, and proceed to make slow, passionate love to my wife.

Life couldn't be sweeter...

The End

## Now Available

_There are two sides to every story...

_ Here's a sneak peek at His Ever After – Love Square #2 (Jacob's story).

The room is dark except for the faint light being cast by my book light. It's pathetic that my life has come to this. I have no idea how it got so out of control. Some might say I'm a pussy, hiding in my own home, but I've found it's easier to avoid conflict rather than provoke it. Besides, putting myself through this torture is far easier when I'm alone and no one is aware of the extent of my soul crushing loss.

A year ago, I had the world in the palm of my hands. The one woman I saw myself growing old with was sitting across the table from me in a pub in Pennsylvania. God, she was more beautiful than I remembered – if that was possible. And when she smiled at me, I felt like the only man in the room. Now here I am, wallowing in self-pity while she's playing house with her husband. She's probably painting the mother-fucking nursery right about now. I can't stop my fist from clenching at the thought.

I can picture her, clear as day, with her hair pulled back in a messy knot that always looked so adorable on her, wearing her signature yoga pants and glowing as she smiles at something that son-of-a-bitch said. It should be me she's smiling at. It should be me who gets to wrap his arms around her and _my_ hands lovingly caressing _my_ child that's growing in her belly.

Unfortunately, it's not me doing all those things and it's all because I'm a dumb fuck who thought with his dick and screwed up the best damn thing to happen to me. When Brooke came into my life, she was so sweet and loving. Brooke reminded me so much of Sam that I thought with her, I had a chance to have it all. I never thought Sam would have left Aiden for me. I waited so damn long to hear her say those words. Too bad the timing of them was complete shit.

_Time_. All I needed was some time before Sam and I could be together. I didn't realize the night I pushed Sam away and asked for more time, would be the last real time I got to spend with her. If I knew back then what I know now, things wouldn't have gotten so out of control. Hind sight is always twenty-twenty.

I pound back the last of my bourbon, causing the ice to clink against the glass and echo into the silence. I crave the silence. This is the time when I can sit alone and remember. The time when I can close my eyes and smell her, feel her warm, soft skin and hear her magical laugh. I can pretend we're lying on the couch together, wrapped up tightly while watching a game. Or that we are snuggled in bed after a bout of really hot, mind-blowing sex. It's also the time when I can read her words and surround myself in the warmth of the time we spent together. My memories are all I have of her now.

I've read her book at least half a dozen times. I love reading about how much she loved me. And I love sitting back and remembering our time together. It's always wild to hear the stories being told from her point of view. It's also validating to know she felt our connection as well, and was as crazy about me as I was about her.

What I don't like is hearing how lost she was after I hurt her. How my betrayal aided her downward spiral to what she calls her rock bottom. I could kick my own ass for hurting her so badly. If only I could tell her that our "love square" wasn't actually a square at all. If only I could tell her that I love her with an intensity that is destroying me inside.

I had my chance at happily ever after, though. I held a precious, beautiful butterfly in my hands and let it get away. I could never do what every fiber of my being is begging me to do. I could never tell her how I feel and potentially cause her more heartache. They say if you love someone enough, you need to set them free.

I flip the pages of the book until I come to one of my favorite parts of the story, when fate handed me the perfect chance to reconnect with my one true love...

## Acknowledgements

I'd like to start by thanking my husband for all he does. You are my rock and my Yoda. You encouraged me to reach for my dreams, even when I thought I couldn't. Thank you for believing in me. I can accomplish anything with you at my back. I love you.

To Kelley Metell... where do I begin? You are my super editor. Your love of a finally placed comma along with your hatred of the word but are legendary! Thank you for all those hours you spent correcting my grammar and arguing with me. I owe you big time!

A special thank you to my beta readers: Misty Fuller, Renee Christopher, Kayla Robichaux, Lisa Maurer, and Autumn Hull. I appreciate the time you took to read over my words and give me your insight. Your opinions are invaluable to me and made the story that much better! You girls rock!

To Ari at Cover It! Designs... thank you for designing a beautiful cover! You took my ramblings and made it something wonderful!

To the bloggers who have supported me even though I was a nobody, I couldn't have come this far without you. I appreciate all of you who helped spread the word. Thank you for being so caring and supportive of not just me, but all us indie authors.

And last, but certainly not least, thank you to my family for encouraging me and listening to me wax poetic about my love of books. I know it's not easy to deal with me, but you do it anyway! Love you all!

## About the Author

Jessica is the author of the Love Square & Concierge series. She grew up in Central New York, where she currently lives with her husband and three dogs. Her days are spent as a Security Analyst at an IT consulting company. In her free time, she enjoys reading books and developing ideas for her own stories. Writing is her secret passion that she's been fostering since elementary school, when she wrote her first book about a puppy. It has always been a dream of hers to be able to share her stories with the world.

### Other Books by Jessica:

Love Square Series

Love Square

His Ever After

Their Merry Little Christmas

Bound in Blue

Concierge Series

Love, Your Concierge

Forever Your Concierge

Standalone Titles

Urban Love Prophecy

The Taste of Mr. Davenport

Man Candy

Take Me There

### Connect with Jessica Online:

Web - www.jessicaingro.com

Email - jessicaingrobooks@gmail.com

Facebook - www.facebook.com/jessicaingrobooks

Twitter – www.twitter.com/jessicaingro

Pinterest - www.pinterest.com/jessicaingro

Instagram – www.instagram.com/jessicaingro
