Hello, my name is--
Hello, my name is Lyric Lewis,
and tonight we're gonna
talk about Willy Hitler,
the nephew of Adolf Hitler.
Hmm.
[belches]
Oh, excuse me.
 So our story begins
 in Liverpool, England.
 William Hitler is living
 his young life,
 and in 1930, his father
 was like,
"Yo, come and meet your uncle."
 So they go to
 the chancellery in Berlin,
 and Willy is like,
 "What, what, what?
 This is my uncle?"
 His uncle is the head
 of the Nazi party,
 which, side note,
this is before World War II.
 Hitler was like, "Yo,
 let's take a picture together,
 then I'm gonna autograph it."
 So they took a picture,
 and he had a big position,
 and he looked up to him,
 and he was just like,
 "Wow, my uncle's dope
 as [bleep]."
 And Willy's like,
 "You know what?
 I want a high-ranking position
in my uncle's socialist party."
And so he moves to Germany.
 It's very romantic in Germany
 and actually a good time.
 Everybody was German,
 eating schnitzel.
 Willy was like,
 "Hey, everybody,
 "my name is Willy Hitler,
 Adolf Hitler's my uncle.
 He's gonna hook me up."
 So he bust in the chancellery,
he burst in,
and his secretary's like,
 "Oh, pump all of your brakes.
 You know Hitler don't
 [bleep] with you like that."
 So he waits.
 He doesn't wait a day,
not a week, he doesn't
even wait three weeks.
 He waits two mother[bleep]
 months.
 So Willy Hitler was like
 "I'm mat."
 - Mat, what does
 that word mean?
 - Mat means, like,
 you're not even,
you're not mad.
You're not M-A-D.
When you're "mat,"
you're beyond the point of mad,
 and you're like mad
 and insulted.
 You're disrespected.
 - Got ya.
 - [chuckles]
 But anyways, he goes
 into his office.
Hitler was just looking
at his goddamn maps.
Hitler was like, "Mm, mm,
 my maps of everywhere
 I want to go."
And Adolf Hitler in his hand
has a horsing whipping whip.
 He's doing it at his toes.
 [mimics whip cracking]
 Adolf was like, "I'm so sorry
 that you have to work
 for your goddamn money."
[mimics whip cracking]
 "I didn't get this chancellor
 job for the family, so, no."
 [mimics whip cracking]
 ♪ ♪
 So Willy left that meeting,
 and Willy was like,
 "Hell to the no."
 Willy was pissed.
 Milly was piss--
Mat, then pissed.
- [laughs]
- And he decided that he wanted
to do something about it,
so buckle your seat belt.
[chuckles]
But, no, really,
buckle your seat belt.
So William goes
to the United States in 1939
 and decided to do,
 like, a lecture tour.
 And he spilled all the beans.
 He's saying, like,
 "Yo, my uncle's, like,
 super racist."
 He's saying, "My uncles want
 "to invade your countries
 and take over
 and do horrible things
 when he invades."
 But people were like,
 "Yeah, well, okay,
 okay, we'll believe it
 when we see it, Willy."
 And then
 because of World War II,
 he was like, "Yo, I want to
 fight for the U.S."
 So he goes to meet with
 Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
 And he was very impassioned.
 And he was like, "I know that
 I'm, like, one person,"
 but he was like, "I can fight
for the greater cause of many."
 And he's like, "I know I'm,
 like, one little baby Hitler,
 "like, I'm, like, technically
 a Hitler," but he's like,
 "I don't [bleep]
 with the Hitlers like that."
 And FDR was like, "All right,
 if he says he don't
 "[bleep] with Hitler, like,
 we can't chastise
 the man for his name."
 And so Willy, he gets
 accepted to the Navy, and then
 he goes into basic training.
 He--he trains night and day.
 By day, he's running
 through tires,
 climbing over ropes,
 underneath mud,
 and he's like "Yeah, I can't
 wait to [bleep] see
 my uncle's face and then shoot
 his mustache off."
 - [chuckles]
 - [mimics gunfire]
He said--hold up.
[belches]
Excuse me, he did not burp.
[belches]
[grunts]
Ooh, it's wavy.
 So Willy's on the ship.
 They're at war.
 Big explosions all around.
 He's a paramedic.
 He's throwing aspirin
 in people's mouth.
 They're catching it.
 Holding their wounds,
 giving them little shots.
 So he's in the Navy
 for three years.
 So, all of a sudden,
 people are shooting.
 It's like...
 [mimics gunfire]
And then he--wait--
and then...
 Now, all of a sudden,
 there's a big explosion,
 and he's hit with
 a piece of shrapnel.
 He was like,
 "I'm out of the Navy."
 So Hitler...
 - [chuckles]
- Baby Hitler, he--
- Baby Hitler?
Now we're going "baby"?
- Okay, so moving on.
- [chuckles]
- So they honorably
discharged him,
 and America was like,
 "You know what?
"You're not just a baby Hitler.
 You a G.
 You like an OG,"
 and they were like,
 "We're gonna give you
 a Purple Heart
 because you earned this shit."
What?
Okay, and then--
and then, he was like,
"I'm gonna change my name
 "to Patrick Stuart-Houston
 to get away
 from the Hitler surname once
 and for all."
 Boom.
 Boom, in your face, Hitler.
And his sons, rumor have it,
they vowed to never pass on
the Hitler name.
They deny it, but they've
never had kids, so...
I think at the end of the day,
Willy Hitler got the last laugh.
Ha ha ha.
