[MUSIC PLAYING]
 Hey, what up?
This is our favorite
part of the show.
After the show, we like
to talk to our audience
and ask them questions
and answers--
MERO: Know what I'm saying?
 --in a part of the
show we like to call Q&A.
 Wow.
Question and answers.
Wow--
- Shh-shh-shh.
You talk about too much.
- Yeah.
 All right.
Who's the first
person with a question
that is not a process server?
[LAUGHTER]
 Hi.
How many different
hats do you guys own?
 Ooh, that's a good question.
 Ooh.
 That's a good question.
Just Yankee fitteds, or
just hats, in general?
'Cause we own-- we own at
least 500 Yankee fitteds.
You're required by law, as
a New Yorker, every summer,
you have to buy one
pair of black low For--
low-top Air Force Ones,
one pair of white Air
Force Ones-- just in case
of a baby shower or wedding.
 Yep.
It's your choice.
- And a brand new Yankee fitted.
- Yep.
DESUS: So we have a lot.
 You know what I'm saying?
 We have, actually,
a whole room backstage
that's just fitted caps.
Mm-hmm.
 Facts.
 But don't worry.
Once scientists come through--
[PHONE ALARM SOUNDS]
Sorry, someone's trying
to say something.
 That was-- that
was the hat alarm.
See, they trying to bring us
to the hat room right now.
 So we have a whole
room full of hats,
but once scientists
figure out stem cells
and we get our
hairlines back, pff.
- Pff.
- Nigga.
 It's a dub.
We'll do a wild giveaway.
 I'm gonna look
like Justin Bieber.
I'm gonna have the wild doobie.
- What?
 Y'all gonna be
sick of me and shit.
Every time I answer, I'll be
like, from the Bronx, bitch.
MERO: I'm gonna be
like, yo, just shaking
my shit all over the place.
 They're gonna be
like, stop, stop.
Someone-- someone--
oil Desus' follicles.
 Oh, shit, yo.
That bitch can't
even smell right.
 That's right.
I might do, like, a freeze curl.
 Yeah.
 And my baby hairs
gonna be shining.
MERO: Whoo.
I'm gonna get a toothbrush
up there and shit.
Like, (SINGING)
baby, baby, baby.
 Slick your shit down with
a toothbrush, like yeah.
Bad bitch alert.
 Yas.
[LAUGHTER]
 Bad bitch alert,
table for two.
 Yeah, talk to em.
 Who's next?
 All right.
So what's the biggest flex that
you have done for your family
or, like, against your family?
 Biggest flex for my family?
Ooh.
MERO: Ooh.
 Damn, because like, there's a
flex what I thought was a flex,
and there's a flex what
they thought was a flex.
Because, like, I sent my
sister and her friends,
for her birthday, to New Orleans
and I paid for everything.
Because I was like,
it's my big sister.
You know, I'm going
to look out for her.
That wasn't a flex.
But it snowed the
other day and I
went and shoveled in front
of my parents' house,
and they were like--
[GASPS]
[LAUGHTER]
And I was like, all right.
That's all it takes?
And it was weird
'cause I was shoveling
and people were like, yo, Desus.
I was like, not today, big man.
[LAUGHTER]
Not today, big man.
Just West Indian.
 I took out a bunch of
cash, for some reason,
out of the bank for
no reason at all.
I was just having an episode.
Like, and I just took out,
like, a bunch of money.
And I went to my mom's crib
and the whole family was there,
and I just started handing out
$100 bills to, like, everybody.
Even the kids.
Like, yo, here, you
know what I'm saying?
Like a jerk.
And then I went home and I was
like, I could have put way--
done way better with this 5G's
than I just did, but fuck it.
You know what I'm saying?
But fuck it.
 Oh, wait.
Oh, my nephew's birthday party.
I got there late, but as I was
walking in, so was the guy--
they had ordered Papa John's.
So I see the guy had, like,
six Papa John's pizza.
And I was like, yo, I got that.
So I walked in with
six Papa John's pizza--
 And they thought you--
 So all the little
kids think I'm mad rich.
They was like, yo,
your uncle's mad--
that nigga got pepperoni.
I was like, yeah,
little niggas, yeah.
- Oh, you want stuffed crust?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Got you.
- Got you.
- EE.
Liberta, liberta.
 Yeah.
 I was like Pablo
Escobar in that bitch.
I was like, yeah.
 Like a have, you
know what I'm saying?
A little Mountain
Dew if you want.
DESUS: You know what I'm saying?
As a treat.
Next question.
Yep.
 If you guys could play pick-up
against any former President,
who would it be and why?
 Pick-up basketball?
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
 None of them.
I hate sports.
[LAUGHTER]
 Like, probably like George
Washington or Abraham Lincoln.
DESUS: Yeah.
- Because they dead.
 No, because you
know what? 'Cause we--
like, think about it.
They would probably
be worse against us
because they'd be like,
look at these two coloreds.
 They' be fouling and shit.
 Imagine George
Washington dunks on you,
and then has his slave teeth.
Like, ah, take that, boy.
- Ah.
 Ah.
 He takes them off and
throws them in your face.
 He could take off his wig and
wipe his head down, like yeah.
 Ah.
 I cannot tell a lie.
I just smoked your ass, boy.
- Boy.
- Yo.
 Chop your ass down
like that cherry tree.
What's up?
- Yo.
And fucking Lincoln on the
side, like, cook his ass, boy.
MERO: No.
You know I'm about to
emancipate your ass.
Ah!
 Fucking Lincoln on the chair
with the big stove pipe hate.
Nah, nigga.
 He got two balls
under the hat and shit.
He's doing Harlem
Globetrotters shit.
 Lincoln dunking on you.
I'm like, yo, we gotta
shoot this nigga again.
[NERO LAUGHS]
So there's your answer.
Actually, no, who?
 There's some
people-- there's--
look-- no, who was--
who was George Bush--
W-- who was his running mate?
 Who was, like, the
Vice President with him?
Wasn't it Bob Dole?
AUDIENCE: Oh, George H. W. Bush?
 Yeah, who was--
Bob Dole was, like,
Vice President.
 Dan Quayle.
DESUS: Dan Quayle?
 Dan Quayle.
DESUS: Dan Quayle.
 Dan Quayle and Dick
Cheney, bro, we'd body them.
DESUS: Oh, my god, easy.
 Let's go.
 Just go to your left.
 Yo, Dan Quayle and Dick--
Dick Cheney, holler.
Just go in any direction.
[LAUGHTER]
DESUS: That's crazy.
Next question?
MERO: That was good.
 If you guys were
the MLB commissioner,
what would you do to the Astros?
 What would I do to the Astros?
 Run back that ALCS one time,
you know what I'm saying?
Let my man CC get
his ring one time.
 See, that's too easy.
That's not fulfilling.
So what I would do, I'd make--
for every game this season,
every inning the Astros
have to start with--
their opponent has three men
on base and you have two outs.
 Whoo.
 Listen-- look,
y'all want to cheat?
We gonna cheat.
- We gonna cheat.
Hell, yeah.
 How about that?
 Use one of my little
cars that I earned.
 Also shout-out to
everyone who's like,
what the fuck is baseball?
So--
[LAUGHTER]
Everyone's like, we're outraged
by the cheating scandal.
They're like, you
still watch baseball?
- What is that?
- Why?
 That's for old guys.
 Yeah.
 And then, like,
baseball players are,
like-- the Astros are, like,
please don't throw at us.
I mean, like, if you get thrown
at enough, you be all right.
 You be all right.
DESUS: You'll walk it off.
 It's just a ball.
[LAUGHTER]
 They should be
allowed to throw--
if you gonna to throw
at the Astros, should
be allowed to throw a rock.
How about that?
Make it really interesting.
- You know what I'm saying?
Make them play with
a different ball.
 Oh, I see Jose
Altuve like, ah.
MERO: Ah!
Make them play with
broomsticks the whole season.
 Yeah.
Broomsticks and bottle caps?
 Yeah.
All season.
Or do it with a slingshot.
DESUS: And they're
not allowed to wear
shoes with spikes in it.
MERO: No spikes.
 They got to wear Sketchers.
 Sketchers and--
Sketchers and no cups.
 Exactly.
What else?
 No catcher's mask
for the catcher.
You know what I'm saying?
 And Aldo shirts.
 Yep, and if--
DESUS: Button-ups.
 Yup.
And the-- and the fucking puts
his dick on your shoulder.
[LAUGHTER]
 You're the commissioner.
I can't say no.
MERO: You know what I'm saying?
 Can't say no.
 Who going to check me?
[LAUGHTER]
 Just the umpire brushing
off his dick with a brush.
[LAUGHTER]
 Balls.
Huh!
[LAUGHTER]
 Next question.
 Hi.
I was wondering, what
kind of secret conspiracy
would you like to start?
 Ooh.
 Secret conspiracy
we'd like to start.
Mm.
- Mm.
DESUS: Mmm.
Let me think, let me
think, let me think.
 Lil' Bow Wow has
the nuclear codes.
[LAUGHTER]
 I could see that.
MERO: He's the guy.
He's the guy they come look--
looking for when it's
time-- when it's time.
Trump is like, yo, Shad,
you got the digits?
[LAUGHTER]
Let me know.
 That's--
 You know what I'm saying?
Bow Wow's up-- Sh-- oh, Shad.
I'm sorry, Shad.
Boss.
 NYPD has all our fingerprints
because of metro cards.
 Whoa.
That was wild "Black Mirror."
Damn.
 Right?
 Now I'm nervous.
 Think about it.
 I'm putting all my metro
cards in the fireplace.
Like, yo, no, no.
[LAUGHTER]
 No, a conspiracy that would
be weird and kind of cool is--
let me see--
let me see, let me see,
let me see, let me see.
 Epstein didn't kill himself.
[LAUGHTER]
