The letter "vav"
is also the number 6--
short top, long tail.
Short top,
long tail.
You could have here,
in Hebrew,
"666" on the can.
And look at it this way.
Even if the "M"
was not the issue,
you cannot deny that
that is a cross.
And what is witchcraft?
When the cross
goes upside down.
Bottom's up.
And the devil laughs.
Hmm.
Eh, it's not like
Jesus Juice
has such a glowing
reputation either.
That crusader
is Christine,
and like every woman
in the world,
she might be reading
into things
a little too much.
My true fans know
this show is full
of hidden messages.
Not much is known
about the devil,
except that he is
the root of all evil,
has an awful goatee,
and wears Prada.
All signs point
to it being Kanye.
God is like
your strict father
who is always
disappointed in you,
and Satan is
your fun uncle
who eventually rapes you
in the butt.
If Jesus wants to appeal
to a younger demo,
he's gonna have
to start showing up
on something
cooler than toast.
Hell just seems like
the place to be.
None of that
annoying harp music.
Did Lucifer fall
from Heaven,
or did he jump
because he was tired
of playing bingo
with everyone's boring
dead grandparents?
And say what you will
about Satan worshippers,
but nobody's ever been
blown to smithereens
just for drawing
a cartoon of him.
I don't know
why Christine cares
about saving
BMXers and gamers
from the clutches
of Monster Energy drink,
but I'll fly her to L.A.
as long as she promises
to say more crazy [bleep].
And if the devil
doesn't like it,
he can sit on a tack,
in this week's
Web Redemption.
[heavy metal music]
♪ ♪
I should've known
you worked for Red Bull.
I don't.
I just got an amazing deal.
You wouldn't believe
how much a car depreciates
when you weld a giant soda can
to the top of it.
I'd believe it.
Thank you for coming.
I'm trying to develop
my own energy drink.
Celebrities are putting
their names on these things,
and they're making
tons of cheddar.
Do you know what the biggest
problem I had with your video?
That every single thing you said
made sense to me.
[snorts]
Okay.
Your delivery
was polished.
It made sense to even people
that probably thought
you were a nut job.
I apologize,
but there are some.
It was, yeah.
And then how you
finished it.
Bottom's up.
And the devil laughs.
(Daniel)
It was just
a perfect punctuation.
God gave me that gift
to be able to present it
in a way that was perfect.
And then he said,
"Okay, now is the time
where you're gonna
go viral ."
There was a spiritual
agenda here.
And it goes right back
to the Bible.
It's not flesh and blood
we war against.
It's the principalities
of the air,
and if you're not
familiar with that--
- I'm not.
- Those are demons.
Oh.
As a good Christian,
what energy drink
should I be drinking?
Mountain Dew.
- Ugh.
- [laughs]
I think Christians
should only drink lemonade.
Well, of course,
lemonade's good.
It's nice.
What else makes
the devil laugh?
Your show.
[laughs]
TOSH: Taking Others
Straight to Hell.
Thank you?
I don't know
if that's a compliment.
It's not.
What are the biggest problems
facing society today?
Things like your show--
immorality.
You're putting
a lot on me.
Yeah, I am,
because you are--
You ever seen South Park?
You're right in
with that.
But South Park 
is way worse.
You're still in
the same genre.
When the rapture comes,
who's getting it first?
Will you get to go?
Who are the first people
that are gonna--
Will you get to go?
The rapture is not gonna come
while I'm still alive.
According to the Bible,
it will.
How do you know
when I'm gonna die?
Boom.
Are you worried that
your video has helped
the sales of
Monster Energy drink?
No,
but if the world wants
to increase it,
go ahead.
I would be interested to hear
what first quarter sales are.
Yeah.
My biggest fear is that
I speak to someone
and I do not share
the gospel with them
and they go
to hell for it.
My biggest fear
is monsters.
Not the stupid drink,
but actual monsters.
Have you ever tasted
Monster Energy drink?
Yes, I have.
I did when I first started
doing the presentation.
I figured I had to know
a little bit
of what I am
talking about.
I have never tried it.
- Okay.
- For the record.
There's no question that
people that buy
this stuff regularly
will not succeed
in life.
Do you think the head CEO
of a company is,
like, calling his
personal assistant,
"Hey, I'm out of Monster Energy
drink in here."
No, he's asking
for some tea.
All right.
Oh, whoa!
I'll be honest with you--
that was cool.
Okay, now--
Was that the beast?
Can you see the connection
when you actually
put the cross
with "Unleash the Beast"?
666.
There is no doubt that you are
accurate about the 666,
but, I mean, they did it
because they're ad execs,
and they're a bunch of geeks
sitting around,
trying to be cool.
Or, if God uses people
in product, does also Satan?
He doesn't do that.
Here, I don't want us
to have to actually--
Now what are you gonna do?
Well, we--I don't want us
to swallow this garbage.
I just want us
to taste it.
[demonic laughter]
Keep it down.
Okay, let's just--
bottom's up.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
All right, Christine,
I need another set of eyes
to make sure there's nothing
subtly offensive
or sacrilegious about
the energy drinks
that I'm trying to create.
Okay, this one--
ow, ow!
It's called Stigmata Soda.
See? It pokes you--
I get it.
Muslim Milk.
This is a winner.
But energy drinks
are not milk.
I don't understand
your concept.
- Muslim Milk.
- I know that.
Muslim Milk.
Hummus flavored.
It's actually--
I'll be honest with you,
this tastes 1,000 times
better than Monster.
This one's called
Jewy Juice.
"Israeli refreshing."
Not bad, right?
What's the punch line?
"Is...raeli."
This one--I don't think
there's any way
you can say that
there's anything...
- Offensive.
- Sacrilegious about--
Oh, no, there's
definitely gonna be
something offensive
about it.
This is Dr. Huxtable's
Anti-Energy Elixir.
(Christine)
What happened to his eye
on there?
Bill Cosby is
blind as a bat.
I did not know.
Yeah, he can't see a thing,
except for, apparently,
the bottle of Quaaludes
in his nightstand.
This is Alabama's
Ice-T's Nuts.
A tea-bagging tradition
from our family to yours.
Roll T.
All right, Christine.
I really appreciate
your feedback.
I think I finally understand
the direction I need
to take my brand.
Well, let's do this.
Let's put the word
"TOSH" on it.
Look at the acronym.
TOSH.
Taking Others
Straight to Hell.
Why do you keep
saying that?
Because it is true.
Introducing Satan's Semen.
Coat your throat with Beelzebub.
(man)
Now with unholy levels
of caffeine
and throbbing veins
for better grip.
Served exclusively
on United Airlines
and at participating
Chipotle locations.
Currently banned
in the Bible Belt.
[demonic laughter]
[gags]
That's real.
The devil is a lie!
That was recorded
a month ago,
and all we ask of anyone
who comes on this show is,
don't do anything insane
before it airs.
So what did she do
the day after she left here?
Celebrate the seventh
Texas Muslim Capitol Day.
We are honored--
[cheers and applause]
- Thank you.
I proclaim the name
of the Lord Jesus Christ
over the capital
of Texas.
I stand against Islam!
Islam will never dominate
the United States,
and by the grace of God,
it will not dominate Texas!
You are officially
unredeemed!
