♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[ Carnival music playing ]
♪♪♪
-Good morning.
Welcome to the Mickey's
Breakfast Jamboree.
My name is Billiam, and I'll be
serving you today.
You guys here on a special
occasion?
-Well, we're here on that
new Magical Gatherings
family package.
Got the whole Matusic clan down
here from Ohio!
Right guys? Say "hi."
-Hi!
-Well, great.
Let me tell you Mickey's
specials today.
We've got steak and eggs served
with some home fries
and Mickey waffles.
-Whoo!
I love me some steak and eggs!
-Ever since they found mad cow
disease in the U.S.,
I'm not
taking any chances.
It can live in your body
for years before it ravages
your brain.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ You're enjoying your day ♪
♪ Everything's going your way ♪
♪ Then along comes ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
♪ Always there to tell you
'bout a new disease ♪
♪ A car accident
or killer bees ♪
You'll beg her to spare you,
"Debbie, please!"
♪ But you can't stop ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
-Well, we did it, gang.
We pulled off --
a family reunion at Disney.
I don't know about you guys, but
the first thing I'm gonna do is
I'm gonna ride that haunted
elevator thingy!
It drops you straight down.
-This is my dream come true.
I mean, I'm totally serious.
Tigger hugged me at the door,
and I thought I was gonna cry.
-Aww.
-I guess Roy isn't doing
as well as
they first thought.
-What? Who's Roy?
-Roy of Siegfried & Roy.
He was attacked by his own tiger
and suffered devastating
injuries.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-So, hey, who wants to go on
Space Mountain with me?
-Me! Yeah!
[ Cheering ]
-I want to see the
Country Bear Jamboree!
-Ooh!
-I want to go to every country
in Epcot, and greet them in
their own native language.
Hola! Konichiwa! Hi!
-Did you guys hear about that
train explosion in North Korea?
[ Horn wahs ]
The media is so sensitive
there -- so secretive.
[ Laughter ]
We may never know how many
people perished.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Who's ready for
Mickey waffles?
-Oh, me, me, me, me, me, me.
-Oh, yay.
-Oh, my God.
I just made eye contact
with Pluto,
and he's coming over here.
-Pluto!
-Pluto!
-Pluto!
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I'm hugging Pluto.
I'm in Disney World,
and I'm hugging Pluto!
Somebody take a picture.
-I want to be in it.
I want --
I want to be in this one.
-Well, you guys, Disney World
really is fun.
Makes me feel like a kid again.
I mean the time before
my two-year stint at Children's.
[ Horn wah-wah-wahs ]
Oh. Hey.
Hey, Pluto, hi.
Boy, it must be fun
to work here.
Although the biggest drawback
working in a theme park
is that you must live under
constant fear
of deadly
terrorist attacks.
[ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ]
-Pluto!
Pluto, wait. Where you going?
-With that costume on,
he's probably
in the early stages of
heatstroke.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
Speaking of --
Speaking of --
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Speaking of heat, if this
greenhouse effect keeps up,
we'll all be living under water.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
By the way --
By the way, it's official.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I can't have children.
[ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You know what, Debbie?
You are totally ruining
my trip to Disney!
I didn't say a word during
"It's a Small World"
when you talked about
low birth weight
or during the fireworks,
when you went on --
when you went about about
feline AIDS.
-It's the number-one killer
of domestic cats.
[ Cats meows ]
-I can't take it!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-So, after this, we'll hit
the park, guys?
-Yeah.
-Slather up the sunscreen.
I had a mole looked at recently.
The doctor told me that
due to the extent
of its irregular borders,
I'm flirting with a melanoma.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
You guys go ahead.
I'll meet you
at my favorite ride --
the Hall of Presidents.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ No, you can't stop
Debbie Downer ♪
-They never did catch
that anthrax guy.
[ Projector clicking ]
-♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
-Make a wish!
-Yay!
-Hey, what did you wish for?
-I can't tell you.
It won't come true.
-I bet he wished for that new
Mustang GT he wants.
-[Laughs ] Ah, he should have
wished for better golf scores.
-Oh!
Ah...
-If I had a wish,
I wish that they'd release
that poor hostage in Iraq.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ You're enjoying your day ♪
♪ Everything's going your way ♪
♪ Then along comes ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
♪ Always there to tell you
'bout a new disease ♪
♪ A car accident
or killer bees ♪
You'll beg her to spare you,
"Debbie, please!"
♪ But you can't stop ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
-[ Chuckles ]
-All right, who wants cake?
-I want some, I want some.
-All right, you get some cake.
-Oh, give me a rose.
-None for me.
With all the refined sugars
we're eating,
America's experiencing
a virtual epidemic
of juvenile diabetes.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Guys, I wanna say something.
It really means the world
to have all my family here
for my birthday.
I especially want to thank
Uncle Frank
for flying all the way in
from North Carolina.
Uncle Frank!
-Good thing
Jeanne's out of the picture.
-Jeanne? Who's Jeanne?
-Hurricane Jeanne...
[ Horn wahs ]
...the latest in a string
of deadly storms
that left thousands
of Floridians homeless.
They're still counting
the fatalities in Haiti.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Um, you know what?
Maybe Ronny should
open his presents.
-Open your presents,
open your presents.
-All right, twist my arm,
I'll open my presents.
-First, it was Charley.
[ Horn chirps ]
Then Frances.
[ Horn chirps ]
Ivan.
[ Horn chirps ]
And Jeanne.
[ Horn chirps ]
Who knows what tropical storm
Karl's got in store?
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-All right.
Um, how about my present?
-Oh, your present.
Gosh, sorry, sorry.
-Thank you.
-Open mine first.
-Sure, I'll open it,
open it right up.
-Presents, presents!
-Ohh!
"The Essential Film Guide."
I love it.
Thank you so much.
-I haven't been able
to read a movie review
since the untimely passing
of Siskel.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-Huh.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Anything else
for my birthday?
-Open mine there, Ronny.
-Oh, let me see.
What could it be?
[ Laughter ]
Aw, it's a pretty bow.
This is awesome.
I love this.
Thank you so much.
-Ah, you know what?
We gotta take that
out on the lake.
We gotta go fishing sometime.
-We should go Saturday.
-Oh, that sounds fun.
-It's a deal.
-I like it.
-Oh, count me out, guys.
Doctor said if I don't cut down
on my consumption of fish,
my mercury level will reach
toxic proportions.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Hey, Teresa,
what did you get your sweetie
for his birthday?
-We are going
on a 10-day safari to Kenya,
right?
-Yeah.
It's really gonna be great.
It's gonna be incredible.
-Mm-hmm.
[ Laughter ]
-Steer clear of --
[ Laughter ]
Steer clear of the Sudan.
It makes Fallujah
look like Club Med.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-We're not going near
the Sudan, Debbie.
-Yeah, we're going
to see elephants
in their natural habitat.
-That's cool.
See 'em now.
Populations are dwindling.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Well, it sounds amazing.
-Yeah, it sounds like
a once-in-a-lifetime
kind of trip.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm really excited.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughter continues ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey...
[ Laughing ]
-Does anyone have a banana?
-What?
-Well, if I don't get
enough potassium every day,
I'll awaken
in the middle of the night
by crippling leg cramps.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
By the way, it's official,
they've located my birth mother.
Deceased.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-You know what, Debbie?
You're really taking a --
You're taking a real crap
on my birthday party.
I completely held my tongue
during cocktails
when you showed us your pictures
from the Holocaust Museum,
and I didn't say one word
during dinner when you went
on and on about feline AIDS.
-It's the number one killer
of domestic cats.
-♪ Meow meow ♪
[ Laughter ]
-I need another drink.
-Oh, honey,
the party's just starting.
We're taking you dancing.
-Yeah.
-Oh, all right, dancing!
-I'll go, but, you guys,
I can't stay long.
I've got a big day tomorrow.
The Orkin Man's
coming first thing
to scrape up the remains
of whatever died in my chimney.
[ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ]
-♪ No, you can't stop
Debbie Downer ♪
-Bird flu is even deadlier
than SARS.
-Okay, neighbors,
I hope you're ready
for my naughty nightie party.
-Whoo!
-We have a lot of hot lingerie
to look at,
and a lot of cold Pino Grigio
to knock back,
so let's get this party
started.
[ Cheering ]
-Yeah!
-I want to buy something
skimpy.
-You go, Nelva, you go!
-Ladies night! Yes!
-This is a hoot!
-Okay, so first up we have this
little lacy nightie.
It's called Midnight Rhapsody.
-Ooh!
-Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I heard you were having
a lingerie party.
Warning -- I probably won't be
purchasing any bras
due to my vastly different
cup sizes.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ You're enjoying your day ♪
♪ Everything's going your way ♪
♪ Then along comes ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
♪ Always there to tell you
'bout a new disease ♪
♪ A car accident
or killer bees ♪
You'll beg her to spare you,
"Debbie, please!"
♪ But you can't stop ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
-And this is little number
is called the Teddy Bare --
B-A-R-E.
-Mm!
-Oh, I get it.
[ Laughs ]
-Ladies night! Whoo!
[ Whooping ]
-And this one is so sexy, your
man won't get a wink of sleep.
-Ooh!
-Ooh!
-I know what that's like.
-What what's like?
-Well, I have severe
sleep apnea.
Doctors are baffled.
Sometimes I wake up
upwards of 300 times a night.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-How did she find out
about this party?
-I think Nelva told her.
-Oh, good going, Nelva.
-Well, we go to the same
leg vein clinic.
-You guys are gonna love these.
-Ooh.
-They're called Angel Briefs,
and they're designed
by Suzanne Somers.
-Do these panties come
in bright yellow?
-I'm gonna get a pair of these
and put them on tonight.
-Ooh-la-la.
-Make sure to pre-wash
all underwear, Linda.
Recent swab studies found you're
toying with scores of crab lice
and drug-resistant staph.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Could we please get back
to the sexy stuff?
[ Cheering, whooping ]
-Are these massage oils?
Nice!
-You know, I always want Jim
to give me a massage,
but his massages just tickle.
[ Laughter ]
-It's flavored massage oil,
it's only $15.99,
and this is Harvest Peach.
-Ooh.
-Yum. I'd love it if my Tom
would cover me in oil.
Mm!
-You know who doesn't love
being covered in oil?
Sea birds.
[ Laughter ]
You guys heard about
the oil spill, right?
-Yeah. We heard about
the oil spill.
-Yep. I guess from now on,
BP will stand for
Blight of the Pelican.
[ Bird squawks twice ]
[ Laughter ]
Hmm.
I can taste the sulfites
in this wine.
-Oh...good God!
-Okay, well, I also have some
really nice...
-You guys know Mandy
from two blocks over?
-Yeah, I love her.
Why? Is she gonna come over?
-Nope. She died.
-[ Gasps ]
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-What in the hot hell
is wrong with you?
We are just a bunch
of suburban ladies
trying to booze it up
for one night
without our families,
and you have to kill
every freakin' buzz we find!
What made you like this?
I'm asking. Seriously.
[ Horn wah-wahs, echoes ]
♪♪♪
-I have so many good wishes.
I bet they'll all come true.
Mmm! Mmm!
Yum! I love cake!
It's like your mouth's
at a carnival!
Thanks, Grandma.
-Enjoy it now, kiddo.
Gluten allergies are rampant
in our family.
You're going to eventually
have to restrict.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪♪
-So my apple didn't fall
far from the tree.
Well, I guess we should
start trying things on.
Uh, heads up, my bikini line
is in a shambles.
[ Laughter ]
Guess I'll rummage
through this inventory
and try to find
a medical bra.
Hope there's one
in gray beige.
Hey, where you guys going?
[ Laughter ]
♪ No, you can't stop
Debbie Downer ♪
