welcome back this is kim saeed of
kimsaeed.com,
helping you break free from narcissistic
abuse with the mix of science and
spirituality.
in today's video i'm going to be
discussing why
the concept of healthy narcissism is a
load of bs
and why that is. but before we get
started
make sure you hit subscribe and click
the little bell so youtube will notify
you when i publish new videos
if you have been researching narcissism
for any length of time
i would imagine you've come across
probably hundreds of
articles and other material that talks
about the concept of healthy narcissism
and today i want to try to debunk that
concept
because i think it's a load of bs.
honestly
when i see this statement all people are
narcissistic to some degree
i kind of dry heave a little because
it's really
one of the worst statements to make
especially in the field of narcissistic
abuse recovery.
for one what qualifies as narcissistic
traits has really
gone off the rails these days
it's also one of the contributing
factors
to why actual targets of narcissistic
abuse
often believe that they are a narcissist
themselves
or maybe because they are of target of
narcissistic abuse and
they read these articles and they assume
well
either their partner is on the lower
end of the spectrum and therefore
somehow safer to be with
or they'll think well
maybe i'm on this narcissism spectrum
somewhere so i can't really hold my
partner or my friend or my family member
accountable because hey we're all
narcissistic to a degree right?
and this is really made worse when we
see all the articles talking about
different kinds of narcissists i mean
really
there are only three categories of
narcissists and all the other ones you
see out there will fall under the
umbrella of one of those three
categories.
popular psychology has been using the
term healthy narcissism for some
time but the term was actually coined
by heinz kohut during the mid to late
20th century
it should also be noted that lobotomies
were still being performed during this
era specifically the ice pick lobotomy
in 1967 freeman performed his last
lobotomy before being
banned from operating. what's not
commonly known
is that the concept of healthy
narcissism
was challenged by several of kohut's
colleagues.
while kohut made many contributions to
the field of psychoanalysis
his concept of healthy narcissism
continued to be met with resistance.
in spite of that the concept of healthy
narcissism has been taken up by popular
culture
and it has been suggested that
narcissism should be considered as a
continuum
and that's true if you're dealing with
people who really are narcissistic
but it's important to remember that
because a concept
is embraced by popular culture doesn't
make it accurate or right.
as with any discipline we are constantly
making new discoveries and updating our
beliefs and systems
as a result. maslow's hierarchy of needs
is one example of many. in the field of
psychology there are different
schools of thought and the
psychoanalytical theories are just
one. But kim what are your credentials?
who are you to be speaking on a topic
like this?
well i do have a degree in education and
a minor
in psychology, but that's really
irrelevant because you don't need a
degree in anything
to use critical thinking. but aside from
that
i have many colleagues in the field of
psychology and neuropsychology
and not all of them agree with the
concept of healthy narcissism
either so it is important to remember
that that is just
one theory of many so if you were to
look up
the definition of narcissism you'll see
that narcissism as a noun
is excessive interest in or admiration
of one's
self in one's physical appearance it
includes
selfishness it includes a sense of
entitlement
a lack of empathy a need for admiration
it's also self-centeredness arising from
failure to distinguish the self
from external objects. this is why we
become
deeply enmeshed with narcissists because
they don't really have a true self that
they present to the world
they need constant narcissistic supply
to even exist.
so it is self-centeredness either in
very young babies
or as a feature of a mental disorder.
nowhere in the definition of narcissism
does it say that everyone falls in some
theoretical hypothetical spectrum of
narcissism
that includes everyone on the globe. in
fact if you go to google scholar and
type in
narcissism spectrum you'll see that
there
is a spectrum for narcissism but it only
includes
narcissistic people, it doesn't include
the general population.
i could go on about this all day but
suffice it to say
that if you have been reading articles
that talk about
healthy narcissism which some people
posit
that it helps you attain goals that
you've set for yourself
it's responsible for healthy
self-confidence
but honestly those are features that are
included in maslow's hierarchy of needs
it's called self-actualization and we're
all born with this drive to become
self-actualized
but because we're born into an imperfect
world
we're then programmed from a very young
age to feel
crippling levels of shame we lose our
self-confidence
we lose our faith in the world but we
are all born with this need. unless you're born with a brain
abnormality that's a different story for
another day.
so i realize that you may have some
favorite authors
that you follow maybe you've read their
books maybe they have a phd
but i just want you to understand that
not everyone in the field of psychology
believes in the concept of healthy
narcissism
and i think it's really important if you
have been stuck in a toxic
relationship and you've come across this
term healthy narcissism
and you think that somehow because
you're in a toxic relationship
that the narcissist in your life falls
somewhere on this spectrum
well maybe for actual narcissism
but when it comes to pathology there is
no healthy
dose of healthy narcissism and if you
have been thinking that
you are the narcissist and feeling badly
about that
feeling heartbroken about it
i want you to consider that some of the
some of your behaviors and some of the
ways that you might
think are probably a trauma response
and one way to tell the difference is
did you act in uncharacteristic ways
before this relationship and it may be
that you have
if you have a history of childhood
trauma or adverse childhood experiences
but because you lash out because you
feel the need to control
your situation or your your surroundings
or the way that the narcissist is
behaving that doesn't make you a
narcissist it doesn't mean you have
narcissistic
traits a lot of times it is simply
a response to trauma so i just want you
to think about this video today
think about the fact that this term
healthy narcissism was coined
a long long time ago it is a theory
in psychoanalysis that not everyone
subscribes to that's it for today i hope
you enjoyed this video
thank you so much for watching until the
end and as always
check down below this video in the
description box for links that will help
you on your recovery journey
see you next time bye.
 
