One of the things you can do to observe your
own behavior is flip open your MacBook or
flip open your computer, put tape over the
red little dot that shows that you're recording
it and record yourself.
I want you to do things.
I want you to watch a really funny movie or
watch a really funny clip.
I want you to watch or read something.
I want you to just interact for 30 minutes
and then slowly look through how you look.
Alright, because what's very interesting is
you may not know what you look like.
So when somebody else tells you something
and you start laughing you don't know what
your laugh looks like.
You're not essentially sure.
So one of the good ways to do it is observe
yourself via a video camera.
It's very interesting.
It's like if you want to know how to nail
your best smile.
So smiling is essentially vital in communication.
It's very, very important.
I constantly work with people and help them
improve their smiles, but one of the most
useful things you can do is just watch something
really, really, really funny and laugh and
get that genuine perfect smile.
That's the smile you want to nail.
So you can just watch something funny, record
yourself and then you can work on mimicking
or mocking that smile; very, very useful.
Another useful tip is to ask your friends.
So your friends are wonderful resources, wonderful
reservoirs of information about you essentially.
You could ask them, 'How do you think I feel
right now?' and they'll go, 'Oh, you look
a little upset.' and you'll be like, 'Oh,
I'm not upset at all.
I feel great.'
That's a problem, that's really, really a
big problem.
There's this concept called in-congruence
in communication and most people are in-congruent
in their communication.
So there needs to be congruency.
So if I tell somebody I love them I can be
like, 'I love you.', but that's in-congruent.
The content says one thing, but my body language
says another thing.
If I look somebody dead in the eyes, hold
their face and hold their gaze and be like,
'I love you.'
it's a little bit better, a little bit better.
Even me, I have a hard time faking that gesture
because I don't mean it.
So our communication needs to be congruent.
A big problem is a lot of people go out in
the world and their communication is not congruent.
So they're on a date and they really like
the person across from them, but the person
doesn't realize that because they come off
as so cold or aloof.
A manager want to tell one of their employees
that they're really proud of them so they
say, 'You know what, you did a great job.
I'm really proud of you.'
That's not a congruent behavior.
So there's a lot of miscommunication in this
congruency.
It's very, very important that you have congruent
behavior.
You need to have your non verbals and the
content of your conversation both need to
be aligned.
It makes your communication way more effective.
