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### Claudia Semperboni

## My place in the life

My place in the life

Copyright © 2012 Zerounoundicis Editions ISBN: 978-88-6578-161-6

In cover": Enchantment cinabrio" of the artist Gianni Bologna

Entirely devoted

to whom has taught me

to be

to love

and above all

to live.

### Thanks

First of all, an immense thanks to the House Editrice 0111 Editions, that you/he/she has believed in this project of mine and the realization of the dream of a life has made possible (after all of my vain attempts and the" No, we Are not Interested".); thanks also to those few people that knew about this book and that you/they have always repeated me to try us, because it was worth of it; thanks to Gianni for the cover; thanks to my family that has always left me free to make my choices; thanks to whom is now nearby me, because it has to bear to crazy head as me.

But above all, thanks to whom has believed never in me, to whom has made me the shoes, to whom has taken around me, because so I have shown theirs that perhaps something I am worth.

Claudia

Preface

Have I wanted this story because has happened me to reach a certain moment of my life and to say: and now?

I felt me empty, not realized, deprived of every satisfaction.

I felt the need to have to fill my life with something of concrete, that could leave somehow a sign.

It turns and it turns the idea you/he/she has come to mind to write a book.

Impassioned as they are of reading I have thought: I could try us and even, if God sends me her good, the thing also goes to good end.

The idea of the history of it Feels happy you/he/she is exploded in head so, without going to look for her/it.

I looked for a stimulating history, charming, even dismal, considering that my passion they are the books horror, better if of Stephen King.

Instead this story was born, written with simple words and so much feeling.

Don't I sincerely know how idea was born of" my place in the life", but have I/you/they been conditioned from the fact surely that I didn't find job and I always wondered me: thing I will do in the life?

Claudia Semperboni

### This way you/he/she can be the life.

I have always sustained that life is strange; in some cases, when we desire something with the whole soul, we don't succeed in even not seeing realized her/it if we lived thousand years, while in others we see to materialize himself/herself/themselves in front of our eyes things and situations that we would never have imagined or hoped to see.

It was a warm night of end spring when I came to the world and my parents already day-dreamed on my future and on what I would be been able to become; I was theirs before and only daughter and they were waited for so much by me.

My mother temporarily left the job to be able to be nearby me and to contribute with his/her own desires to my growth and my formation. Also dad came more often to house and didn't lose occasion to take me on the knees and to tell me thing had done to the job; you/he/she was a very intelligent man and full of ideas, ambitious and definite to become someone.

Mother read me as books and every time you/he/she invented new games. Soon, however, taken back the job and me I started to attend the kindergarten.

I was a normal child, I got along with my companions and I loved as the colors, to draw, to paint. It was really while I was making a quadretto to give to my parents, during the last year of kindergarten, that a faint had and falling I made to roll for earth all the crayons; the teacher immediately hastened howling hopelessly and making to move on a side all the children. When I gained back the senses I was stretched out on a little cot of the dormitory, surrounded by the teacher and by a smiling physician. My parents came after few minutes and my mother you/he/she had not entered the room yet that as one desperate already cried; my father was calmer but evidently worried. The physician immediately reassured them and conducted them toward the window that gave on the courtyard.

«It is not anything serious, you/he/she has had a small faint, perhaps for the warm one, but it will be enough to hold her/it to rest for the rest of the day.»

My mother tenderly embraced me and, with the help of dad, you/he/she loaded me on his/her car. Returning home I considered to that moment and the only thing that it returned me in mind it was the instant in which the sight had become cloudy me and I had not seen anything.

I will never forget the first day of school: I wore the black grembiulino with the blue bow and under an attractive Scottish vestitino purchased by mother two days before. I stormed my mother with thousand questions while she kept on repeating me:

«Bushels you, will like calm and everything will be all right. After all we have gone all to school and we are saved in front of this there" monster" of our society!»

It had really reason, because me ambientai immediately and even I had a good time having to make the assignments. In a certain sense I felt me important and busy, as if I were to work in the office. Some times I also faked to be the owner of a firm and to give orders to dependent imaginary.

My parents were fierce of me, also because I didn't give them problems.

They started, however, to worry himself/herself/themselves some when I was already to the middle school and I had tied with a girl that lived not away from us. Was gives birth not of a man very well seen from our parts and, considering that she in school didn't hock him as would have owed, my parents kept on repeating me that I had to think more about the study, don't frequent companies that would have brought me on the «bad road» and. in short: was now that thought dark burdens to future my! They often day-dreamed on thing I would have been able to do from great and they feared that frequenting Laura I would have been able to throw to the air my life and to make my meaningless existence. Was absurd! I was only thirteen years old and I had the right to have a good time me.

And it was really to the party for my fourteenth birthday that I had a good time from crazy. Mother had given me the permission to organize a true party to our house and to invite all of my friends, inclusive Laura. I will always remember me that a week before the event I was already all shaken because my best friend had promised me that would have brought his/her cousin Mark, for which I was taken me a small crush. We say that it was the most beautiful boy that I/you had ever seen; it was sixteen years old, a discreet physicist, played very well to kick, but above all you/he/she possessed two incredibly deep eyes in which, every time that I saw him/it and he greeted me, I lost me without hope imbambolata staying as a fish I boil. Once, even, seeing that I stared at him/it and I didn't utter word, he/she asked me:

«You are not very well?»

I became red fire and I answered:

«No, rather. The fact is that ago rather warm here!»

Sinned that were in full winter and for the roads there was also the snow.

Luckily Laura, that he/she knew everything about me, informed him on the tastes and the habits of his/her cousin and discovered that it was the more courted of his/her school but it also had a particular liking for me. It seemed too effortless and unreal but during my party I had the occasion to personally ascertain him/it, even if with a point of bitterness and disappointment.

The very day it arrived and I was so euphoric that succeeded to make to abuse me from his/her/their mother.

«But', is it everything hello? Can I go to change me? Are you sure that there was room for anything? It would be better perhaps.»

«In short you have ended? It has been being for this morning that I/you/he/she torture me with your questions and I have already told you that it is everything hello. Do they miss your friends only and do I think that you don't want to welcome them with the gymnastics overall I set, correct?»

«Excuse but', you are right, but the fact is that I am so happy for this party that. that.»

To the sudden one I saw everything puntinato, as if thousand and thousand of bugs flew around me and it were only a shaking of my mother to make to disappear them.

«Thing happens you? Are you badly?»

«No, no. it will be this heat. Now I go to change me so I will be able to receive my guests.»

«Of accord, you race to change you.»

Mother succeeded to hide very well the anxiety and the fear but in that occasion realized to have her/it frightened quite a lot because you/he/she had never looked me with so much terror. You/he/she was evidently worried for what you/he/she was happened, even if I didn't hold him/it so serious.

Comes in room I lay down me on the bed; I felt me some weak but it was my birthday and I felt only like having a good time me.

It was a splendid day; the warm sun reflected its rays on the glass door and flooded me of heat the face. I closed the eyes and I warned the intense perfume of the flowers that his/her mother had carefully put on the windowsill. The felts Me in peace with myself and The would have remained on that bed for the rest of the afternoon if you/he/she had not been for the arrival of Laura that, as you/he/she entered the garden of house, you/he/she began tuning up" best wishes to you" to big voice. I got up me and I went me toward the closet. The party had to start.

When I finally succeeded in preparing me, I gone down in garden where Laura that he/she animately chatted with my mother was.

«Have finally arrived! Have put there some to prepare you but has been worth of it! You have prepared here very well everything in garden and I am convinced that it will be a fantastic day.»

Laura was a girl a lot of dessert and at the same time explosive. He/she wanted to make thousand things together but to the first place for her there was always our friendship. Every initiative of his also involved me and you/he/she had already planned that from great, finished the school, we would have gone to live together. On his/her future it already had the clear ideas: he/she wanted to do an any superior school for then to enroll himself/herself/themselves in the ISEF and to become a teacher of physical education. Me unlike she, didn't know thing yet I wanted to do in the life; on one side I desired to become lawyer because it was the dream of my parents to see their only daughter in the dresses of an affirmed woman in the field of the job but from the other one I thought more to myself and I didn't sincerely succeed in understanding what I frankly wanted from the life. I liked a lot the nature, to visit new places, therefore I dreamt a job that could bring me to be free and even to turn the world.

One day Laura and I spoke really of this and her it immediately gave me the answer to my problem:

«But it is simple: you are a hostess!»

«I thank you!» And I launched her I set a big plush that was found on my bed.

Laura to shun stumbled him/it in a chair and an arm falling was scratched; now it has still a small scar but instead of hiding it suits her/it from there fair and every time that someone asks her what has done her he/she answers:

«This is a sign of friendship and you/he/she cannot be removed!» for then to always burst to laugh.

I don't know how I would have done without his/her friendship.

My friends were all assembled in garden around the table of the salatinis; some are sat on the grass, others did to turn to have a place on the great one I swing blue while I didn't succeed in dissuading the eyes from the road. I Mark there was not yet and I feared that it didn't come to my party anymore; I had received a lot of gifts but they didn't succeed in distracting me as you/they would have owed. Then Laura drew near to me:

«I have phoned Mark and you/he/she has told me to apologize himself/herself/themselves with you for.»

«No, not to tell me him. You/he/she cannot come!»

«But stop Feels happy her/it! You/he/she has said to apologize himself/herself/themselves for the delay. It departs from house and in less than ten minutes now it will be here. Hold yourself ready, it is your day!»

«Oh my God, thing I have to tell him when it will arrive? Are they in order? Will he like dressed so?»

«Because you don't ask him/it to him?»

Mark was parking in front of my house; not as soon as the helmet removed from him its chestnut hair you/they were flooded of brightness and its eyes they enchanted instantly me. I tried a strange feeling, seemed me to have the dizziness and him. was I know beautiful!

You was approaching; it showed more years of those that it had and for me it was as an unattainable dream.

It had a slender and well modeled physicist; the long fingers of its right hand held back a colored packet while with the left it was carefully repaired the hair. A beautiful boy would have become.

«Wishes it Feels happy and thanks for the invitation.»

While it was handing the gift it cracked me two kisses on the cheeks and I believe that at that time my guests warned the heat that was emanating my face.

Laura started to sneer; I was embarrassed but I succeeded in reacting:

«Thanks, but you didn't have to disturb you. I thought I didn't come anymore.»

«The fact is that I am preparing a search with some schoolmates and for this I am always very busy. I hope that you like the gift. I adore him/it!»

I opened the packet: it was a cd of a new group that was trying fortune. I had felt speak of it but I didn't know their music.

From that day, every time that I felt the music of that group, my heart was filled with tenderness and the eyes they were veiled of tears.

My mother arrived with the cake of birthday, my friends he was having a good time and I had never been so happy; mother turned on the candelines and Laura she immediately invited me to express a desire. I left half open the eyes, I intensely thought, I filled the bellows of air and I blew.

My mother started to cut the cake and to distribute the slices to my friends, when you/he/she arrived in garden a girl that I knew of sight. It was greater than me and it excessively dressed in audacious way for his/her age; he/she wore a shirt white semitransparent dam with a simple button to the center and a gonnellina" inguinale" of jeans.

It drew near to me.

«You are it Feels happy, true? Do you know where Mark is?»

I felt me to sink; I didn't know what Mark had a girl and I immediately tried hate for him.

«Hi Marta, arrival!»

Mark drew near with Laura and made the presentations.

«Marta and I, together to other two friends, we are preparing the search of which I have mentioned you before and we are very back still with the job. I am sorry so much it Feels happy but I have to go.»

«But is it really the case? Cannot you stay he/she anchors some? Can your friends continue the job for you, no?» sbottò Laura.

«I would like to still be but each of us has a well precise assignment and I cannot be replaced. I greet you, we see us!»

Laura ran after Mark and it pushed him/it for an arm.

«But is possible that you never understand anything! It feels happy it is the whole day that waits yourself, you arrive and later even a hour you go with a svampita that comes you to call. You are really a stupid!»

I was astounded, Mark also more than me.

I didn't have words and to escape the situation I threw me toward the table where my mother there was and I helped him to withdraw the dirty dishes.

Laura and Mark were still discussing; while I spied every movement of theirs from the window of the kitchen, my mother it drew near to me to ask me thing was happening.

«Nothing. The fact is that Laura is more crazy person than I imagined!» I answered with a smile and I went out in garden, also because Mark had gone away.

I raced meeting to Laura:

«But thing you have told him? Has thing told you?»

«I have simply told him that you were happy if he still stopped some to the party, however it absolutely had to go for respect of his/her friends. I give him/it for him me the respect! Leave a girl in the day of his/her birthday to go away with a young boy of doubt I taste! Maddish.»

«Calmed, there is not badly anything of. I am already very happy that he has come, even if for little. Don't you understand my happiness? Your cousin is too much beautiful! I am afraid to be me person in love.»

«Then it stops your excitements.»

«Because?»

«I have made him a battutina and from what I have understood, but I hope to be wrong me, he/she loves you but. as to cousin.»

I saw every dream, every hope to collapse to my feet; the boy that made me accelerate the cardiac pulsation every time that passed me before considered me as. his/her cousin!

I felt me emptied of all the emotions that I had always tried for Mark; a black cloud had passed in front of the sun and you/he/she had darkened each memory that I preserved of that boy.

My friends were going because the party was ended and he was doing late. Were their parents waiting for them to house for the supper, would you/they have asked them as you/they had spent the day from me, if you/they were had a good time and above all if you/he/she had been a beautiful party but me thing I would have told to supper to my parents when you/they would have asked me that memory I would have had of my birthday and if I were happy as did I hope? Could not confess theirs that had been a stupendous day up to the moment in which a little boy that hardly knew the heart had broken me in thousand pieces!

The only thought filled me of sadness and once more Laura it intervened in my help.

«You have the shiny eyes, it Feels happy. Don't tell me that have made to break the little heart from that idiot of Mark! I promise you that I will investigate better, but surely I have misunderstood his/her words. And then there macaws about ten boys that make you the thread. Have to not care you of it of these young boys that makes us suffer and they doesn't even acknowledge our existence! We are still of the children and we have time for these things.»

I was full of sadness and anguish; I was disappointed but Laura was right. We were only fourteen years old and our time would have come.

«We go in the house to see if there is still a slice of cake!» I howled, and taking Laura by the hand I realized me than our friendship was strong and above all important quant'è a friend in the moment of the need.

Two weeks had passed by the party of my birthday; I was to table with my parents: dad to capotavola, mother and me to the opposite sides of the table. I had just ended to eat the spinaches to the butter when dad asked me:

«Soon it will end the school and I hope for you has already decided near what institute you will want to enroll you. We have often spoken of this matter without reaching nothing of concrete, therefore it is now that decides you.»

There was a long silence, during which I quickly thought to as to answer to my father and above all to the question.

My mother me precedette:

«I thought about a commercial technical institute, so if he/she didn't want anymore subsequently to enroll himself/herself/themselves in the university it will have a good title of study with which you/he/she can surely insert him in the world of the job however.»

«A today's day, if you don't have at least a degree you are not anybody, you don't find any employment and above all you will never arrive from any part!»

«Some exaggerator seems me but you doesn't have all the blames. I also want that it Feels happy goes to the university but it is well also that has something in hand since the beginning. I know people that have also made career with a simple secretary diploma of firm!»

«But treasure! Times were other.»

Was maddish! My parents were discussing as not never on a decision that was up to me, only to me. I was happy for their interest but they decidedly exaggerated. They dreamt the best for me, they wanted me to build me the bases for a sure and concrete future; in short they were waited for great things by their only daughter. I believe that they wanted to reach the point to be able to say one day" That is our daughter! We are fierce of her."

I didn't fully share their ideas; certain, I didn't exclude from my life a bright career, to see me affirmed and above all respected in the immense world of the job, but I believed that also the simplest employment could give great satisfactions. For example, when I was smaller I spent times and times to comb my dolls thinking about being a parrucchiera and, every whenever my toys were" satisfied" of the hair style that I did them, I felt me realized and satisfied. I was happy for the simple fact what I imagined me a true job and not a game, for which I gave all myself and my potential clients they were satisfied of mine operated.

I am not me, however, ever felt realized as when I played to the doctor; I always assumed a very professional air when me immedesimavo in the work and sometimes I was also assisted by Laura. We took care of influences, colds, broken legs and also illnesses of our invention that were able however to cause the death. As always my dolls were the sick and I felt a lot of joy when their imaginary parents congratulated him me and my assistant when we developed" a good job."

During the childhood we satisfied there of few but with so much imagination and did we find us to a deadlock of our life in which it was necessary to take a decision instead now,: thing I would have done in my future into that he was turning more and more present?

It was the principal matter of the evening, but I didn't succeed in giving me an answer. My mother had had a good idea, so I thought about granting me with his/her proposal. I had however to swear to my father that I would also have gone to the university.

The examinations he was approaching; Laura and I passed by now every afternoon to study even if the beautiful days invited us to go out. Every afternoon we took a walk along the path of the brushwood that was found on the hill behind house; it was not an isolated place and there was often a lot of people that risked him on the hill. It was very warm but along that path that pleasant natural coolness could be found again. The tall chestnut trees contributed with their branches to create the coolness that was sought during the walks and it was really in a warm afternoon that happened me to meet Mark with some friends.

I was walking to the center of the path, absorbed in the thoughts on the study and it sues to reflect on the program that I had to follow with Laura, when some masculine voices made me jolt and they brought me to quickly move me toward right. I detached a leap and I practically found me in the lawn studded of daisy wheel. I stayed me to leave to pass that boys in bicycle, when I recognized among them a known face and more and more bright: it was Mark. I remained to admire him/it while it was transiting me before. He immediately didn't see me because you/he/she was talking to the boy that was found to his/her left, then he stopped, with a long braked, pronouncing my name.

I drew near me and I asked him as it was.

«Well and you? Are you preparing the examination? Not do worry you, will go very well. And then it is not so difficult as it seems.»

I was intensely staring at him/it because to the sudden one you/he/she had returned me in mind the day of the birthday party and the bitterness that you/he/she had made me try that individual. Surely he was asking because I stared at him/it so but I succeeded in disenchanting me and to utter word.

«It is as that we don't see us. I thought I/you had departed for the vacations.»

«No, not yet. We have to still make some training for the summer championship, then I will see whether to do. It is indeed so much time that I don't see both you and my cousin. Is it still long live?»

«Oh he, studies together always.»

It was stronger than me, I didn't succeed in detaching me from that stupendous eyes.

«You hardly end the examination we can see us and even we organize a party. I immediately can talk to my friends of it. Does thing think of it? Do you want to talk to Laura of it?»

«Of accord! It will also go very well for her!»

«Then feel there and good luck for the examination! Also to Laura.» And a kiss cracked me on the left cheek.

I remained imbambolata and I hardly had the strength to lift the hand to greet him/it.

Despite the disappointment that I had tried, I was making me account that that boy had bewitched me. I had to hate him/it and instead my heart was galloping only because I had talked to him two minutes, after so much time that I didn't see him/it. When I succeeded in taking back I started me to skip about homeward whistling a passage of the cassette that had given me really him to the birthday but I had to stop me just before to reach destination.

I felt in head as a hammer that beat, immediately on the right side of the forehead, then the whole nape started to ache me. It was an instant, but I feared to end long and stretched on the lawn behind house. I warned only then a small sharp pain to the temple and nothing more. What had happened? Probably it was the warm one or the too tension for the examination.

I didn't feel anything, therefore I set out homeward me where Laura that waited me to study was already.

I didn't tell to anybody what had happened me that day but I could not hide the meeting with Mark and I blabbed everything to Laura that same afternoon.

«Indeed you/he/she has told you that we will see us after the examination? I knew him/it me that there was no anything between that Marta and he.»

«I hope gladly because I believe to be. you know as it is.»

«You are cooked!»

«I am afraid of yes! The fact is that your cousin is so beautiful, you/he/she is so nice, you/he/she is so and enough. I like to die!»

«I see really well you as cousin! However you are careful: too much the beautiful types make you suffer.»

«I/you/they are prepared to risk!»

That afternoon we didn't study a lot of but we had a good time as two crazy persons joking and to imagine a romantic meeting between me and Mark. More he went on and more I wondered me how much I cared for Laura and how much strong pits the bond that united us.

They also arrived the days of the examination; Laura made conjurations and staged propitiatory rites anti. sfiga while all of our companions followed her/it amused risollevandosi I know the moral one.

Just when it was my turn to face the oral one, I felt again that light hammer that beat me next to the right temple. I made a light pressure with the fingers and the bother it disappeared. I entered the classroom and I took the examination.

The summer starts. My preferred season had opened wide the doors and he/she invited us to the liberty and the thoughtlessness.

I spent the days in garden: I observed the butterflies that moved him from a flower to the other, I listened abducted the frinire of the crickets, I drank a sip of cold tea, I tried to make to absorb to my skin the most greater number of rays solariums to assume some complexion. I didn't do anything, in substance but my parents you/they had allowed me of" spassarmela" considering that it was the last summer before going to the superior school.

Both me that Laura we had opted for the commercial technical institute. We had thought that, if a day we had not felt like anymore continuing the studies, someone would have offered us an employee place and we would not be found in the middle of a road so there.

I was very nervous, however, because the Saturday there would have been the party organized by Mark following evening. Also Laura was some shaken. strange but true! . because it had adocchiato to friend of Mark and it said that you/he/she could not live anymore because that boy had taken her heart. I would never have thought that Laura could fall in love. Was not in his/her nature!

Just while I was dozing off me on I lay down her/it I felt her/it arrive in bicycle. You/he/she had not entered garden yet that it already howled prey to a hysterical crisis.

«Thing happens Laura?»

«Oh, I cannot believe there, I am too shaken for telling you thing has happened me!»

«Then not to tell me him.»

It was the only way to make to speak her/it.

«I have to tell you everything, I cannot hold me inside such a great thing.»

Laura was nervous; it kept on rubbing himself/herself/themselves the sweaty hands, he/she didn't succeed in being firm.

«I have felt Mark for telephone this morning because I wanted to investigate some on the account of Stephen and to know, naturally, if it were everything ready for the party and who the guests were. Do you know what you/he/she has confided me that perfidious of Mark? What you/he/she has put a good word for me with his/her friend considering that you/he/she had realized that I fed a particular interest for Stephen. I kill him/it! I am sorry but anymore relatives we won't become.»

«Calmed Laura, you should be happy. Even the road has flattened you with Stephen. You seemed so afraid, you feared that Stephen would have you" sent to stretch" and now you have resolved perhaps the problem.»

«It is this the problem now. How do I have to behave me when will see him/it?»

«Normally.»

«You speak easy. And if it starts laughing as soon as does he/she see me?»

«Because would owe. At all have made burdens bad impression on him! Simply he knows now something in more on your account. According to me you should take advantage of the situation and to do you before.»

«Are terrorized! I have never felt this way. Help!»

«Are crazy! Now we are in the same boat and Saturday we won't let each other escape the occasion. We will conquer them!»

«We hope.»

The cottage was found in the middle of the wood; it was not great but very pleasant. The wall to north was almost entirely covered of musk, while that opposite was crossed by an ivy and by climbing yellow flowers that surrounded delightfully the door of entry.

You/he/she could not be seen to the inside through the glasses because the windows were carefully adorned with delicate end curtains dams.

The roof had been repaired by few because the new tiles were distinguished; the grass had been mowed and assembled in an only heap under a roofing.

The house belongs to the fatherly grandfather of Mark and his/her father now preserved her/it as you/he/she was a chalet for the vacations.

Mark took him choice as place for the party and really there Laura and I had arrived hardly that warm afternoon. We had crossed the whole street line in saddle to our mountains bike and we had come on the place exhausted and sweaty. Fortunately behind the cottage there was a fountain near which we drank and we refreshed there.

«Have finally arrived! We thought that you would not have succeeded to arrive until quassù in bike and with this heat.»

Mark was beautiful as the sun, slightly tanned, wet hair went down some on his forehead; he wore a white shirt without sleeves, a pair of jeans cut above the knee and brown scarponcini to the feet. That air" dowdy" it made him/it irresistible and even more beautiful.

I quadrated him/it from head to toe, every centimeter of his/her physicist you/he/she was memorized by my brain. I was only fourteen years old but I started to understand as the in love people are felt.

Stephen appeared to the sudden one behind the shoulders of Mark with a scoundrel smile and started to mock us:

«The ladies have finally arrived! Finally here they are here!»

Now it was Laura to have remained without words. It had the blocked eyes, the mouth seeds opened and the hand tightened so strongly me to stop me the circulation. Its expression seemed he/she wanted to say «I don't believe in my eyes.»

There was few to do: we were cooked.

Mark and Stephen had already prepared the fire for the meat to the grate; Laura and I prepared the table on the east side of the house. We had to take the dish that you/they were found in the cottage and as soon as I crossed the threshold I suffered a sense of calm and heat.

The room entertained on the side I damage a small kitchen with everything the necessary: above the sink there was the shelf with the dishes, of side the gas with the oven and a belief with other dish. Against the opposite wall there were the table and three chairs covered by red pillows.

The right side entertained a parlor with many shelves along the greatest wall, a carpet of thick hair on the floor and a long couch covered by a wool cover sewn by hand. The couch acted from dividing between the kitchen and the parlor.

On the wall of forehead there were two porticines, surely a bedroom and a bath.

I believe to have remained some minutes to scrutinize every angle of that cottage, I wanted to find signs that brought back me to Mark and above all I wanted to engrave in the memory that place that belonged him.

Despite out did anchors warm, inside the house a pleasant coolness could be enjoyed; I was sorry some to have to dine out, but perhaps was more romantic!

We prepared the table while Stephen prepared an enormous mixed salad to the sight of which Laura whispered me,:

«If he/she also knows how to cook, I won't leave him/it to me to so easily escape. It is the man of my life.»

We sat there all on the lawn and we started to speak of the more and of the less, then Mark asked what we would have made next autumn.

It was Laura to answer:

«There are enrolled to the commercial technical institute, so if we didn't feel anymore later like continuing the school we would have a good title of study to find job however. I don't have a lot of desire to study but his/her parents care so much!»

«You are right!» it beat Stephen. «If it were for my parents, to this time I would be to work from some mason or in a factory because I was not at all intenzionato to continue the scholastic career. I am also now enough satisfied because in expectancy I would like to devote me to the sport and therefore I could enroll in the institute of physical education.»

«Is a good idea! To dir truth had also thought there me recently because you/they have told me that it is a good school in an amusing environment.»

«But thing you say Laura? If up to yesterday you would not even have liked to end the averages!»

All and three bursted to laugh and Laura cast me a fulminating glance; was surely thinking about something type" Traitress! I am trying to conquer him and you you make me make certain figures. Damn you!"

I turned me to Mark:

«And you that projects you have?»

«Once alumnus, believes that I will enroll me in architecture or engineering, considering that my father holds a lot us and would like to insert me in the organic one of his/her firm. I am fortunate because I have the insured job however as it regards the study I do him/it for myself. If architect or engineer I will become it will be alone because I have wanted him me and not because it was suitable to somebody else. My mother always tells me him: if you have to do something, fault first of all for yourself, the others will follow if they care to you.»

«Your mother is perfectly right.»

That two boys were still young people, playful, serene, but despite everything they had the clear ideas on thing you/they would have liked to do in expectancy. I was convinced that also Laura already had the clear ideas after this meeting; you/he/she would also be enrolled also in a course of Tibetan meditation to follow Stephen.

I, felt instead me empty. I didn't have the least idea of thing want to do" from great." Surely if I/you had not felt like risking me in the world of the university, my father would have helped me to find a place of employment in the firm of which you/he/she was partner but for me you/he/she was a matter of principle. All it takes is having a job and to earn him to live, needs also to be convinced and satisfied of what does him.

I felt me a free spirit and I didn't absolutely succeed in seeing me sat behind a desk for eight or more times per diem it sues to answer to the telephone, dattiloscrivere letters and to bring coffee the boss.

«You thing thinks about doing?» Mark asked in turn me.

«To dir the truth I don't know him/it yet. I don't have the least idea of thing I could do in expectancy. I have already chosen to attend this school to eventually have at least a diploma and power find a job, but I feel that my life is not this. I would like to be able to make a work that doesn't force me to always work in an office, within four boundaries and session to a desk. I would like to turn, to visit new places to be creative. The fact, however, is that I have not discovered a profession that has these requisite yet.»

«Some that is not easy, however it seems me that you have the clearest ideas of mine.»

«You say seriously? I feel me so confused!»

«But certain. You at least bushels trying to find your street. I have let from my parents help. I am convinced that if a day you will find again yourself to do the operative ecological it will mean that you have wanted him you and that you/he/she has not been a forced choice or necessary to simply have a job.»

«I thank you, you have thrown me on the moral one. What would you say about making to cook the meat?»

«Of accord, I have a hunger from wolf.»

Mark and I worried there about to cook the meat while Laura and Stephen chatted amused lying down himself/herself/itself on the grass to each wisecrack that you/they did. They were together very well and I was happy for her; was such a sweet girl, nice, altruist and, even if anchors young, a good boy as Stephen deserved him, above all" crazy" as her!

Meanwhile I kept on enchanting Mark to look me, to observe every movement of his, to admire his/her perfect physicist and I sank in the shame every time that, catching me to" to study him/it", it squeezed me the eye as sign of agreement.

It was everything so perfect, so romantic and I was sincerely some terrorized; I thought about thing you/he/she would be been able to happen among us but also to the fact that could not happen anything and this filled me with bitterness.

We ended to eat that the sun tramontava and the air it was still warm.

Laura and I stacked the dishes and brought them in the house.

«Feels happy! I don't succeed in believing us! Stephen has asked me to go to take a walk with him. Oh, thing I have to tell him?»

«Are crazy to ask me a similar question! I believe that your answer is discounted. You hang from the lips of that boy, you would like to have him/it with you for the whole life and you don't now know whether to do. Are you well?»

«You are right, but I am so shaken and excited that have fear to make some bad impression. Help.»

«Not to make the fool. You go and be more normal than you are able. Here I end me, so much I am not alone.»

«You are a friend it Feels happy. Wait me here, so then I tell you everything while we are returning home.»

«Certain and you are calm.»

Laura went out as a lightning of the house and for a little it didn't overwhelm Mark that was entering with the rest of the supper hand.

«That two are really found. I am a crazier than the other. Stephen has just confided me to have asked to Laura to make a stroll in the wood but you/he/she was some worried because you/he/she feared a refusal.»

«Imagine! Laura didn't wait for other.»

«They will surely have a good time then. Can I help you?»

«Certain.»

It was now found of side to me: I washed the dish and him it dried her. I was sure that he/she succeeded in feeling the pulsation of my heart: it seemed I had an attack of tachycardia but I could not calm down. That boy had bewitched me.

We spoke of the most disparate things, we laughed, we squirted there the water. While I was passing him the last dish our fingers they touched him and I felt me to loosen. We fixed there for an endless instant, then we lowered the look and we ended the job in silence.

It was Mark to risollevare some the situation.

«That two will be away for a beautiful po.' Sediamoci sul divano, così ti mostro alcune foto, se ti interessano.»

«Certain!» It interested me all of him.

The couch was comfortable and surely you/he/she was still used by the father of Mark to do long afternoon pennichelle every time that went him to the chalet.

The cover that covered him/it, pleasantly many colored, you/he/she had been embroidered by the grandmother of Mark during a cold winter.

We oddly found us very near; more than to look at the photos that Mark showed me and described, stared at him, his/her definite and perfect features, that lock of hair that kept on falling on his forehead.

We were near. It stopped speaking and it looked me in the eyes. I felt the perfume of his/her skin, the blue one of his/her eyes misted me the sight and in an instant its lips drew near to mine and they placed you above. I had the wide open eyes, while his were left half open. I felt a knot to the stomach and the heart it boomed me in the ears.

My first kiss was tender, I will never forget him/it. I had always imagined him as an embarrassing gesture, some violent, instead it was innocent and sweet. Mark tore off his/her lips from mine, you/he/she looked then straight me in the eyes you/he/she smiled at me. I did as many but the legs showily trembled me and I tried to hold back with her hands, but uselessly.

We stayed for some instants in silence simply looking us, then Mark took me the hand and kissed her/it to me.

«How you feel yourself?» he/she asked me.

«I would say very well and you?»

«Marvelously, but I feared to hurt you.»

«Because?»

«I have always seen you how a sister and I so also feared pits for you. Then I have realized that I liked you, you were different from all the others and I didn't know as to behave me anymore. I feared I offended yourself.»

«Bushels joking! I believed that everything this would never be been able to happen because you didn't even look me. I am always liked and I am afraid to be" crush" of you.»

«Oh Feels happy! If I/you had known him I would have spoken to you first.»

He/she kissed again me but this time with more transport, shaking me a hand and caressing me the hair.

I didn't succeed in believing us yet.

When Laura and Stephen returned, Mark was holding me the hand and you/he/she told me the scorribandes that you/he/she did to the times of the middle school. Me he/she anchors I didn't connect well thing had happened among us while he seemed sure and calm.

«Thing combined?» he/she asked Laura entering house and dragging himself/herself/itself behind Stephen.

«Nothing and you? You have finally returned!»

«The wood is so romantic at night, just as Stephen.»

Laura was" departed." From the looks that it launched to Stephen it was understood that among them something had happened. It was uncontrollable, it kept on pushing Stephen as if it were an orsetto of plush while he clearly appeared embarrassed and I bets that, if you/he/she had been able, you/he/she would be hidden under the table.

Unfortunately we had to return home. The boys accompanied us up to the path. Laura threw the braccias to the neck of Stephen cracking a sonorous kiss on his mouth; it seemed you/he/she had not done other the whole life.

Mark took me the hands and whispered me:

«I/you/they have been very well this evening. We see soon us!» And it gave me a delicate kiss on the cheek.

To the sight of all of this Laura fixed me as amazed.

«But then. also you. The cannots believe there!» Skipping about directed him toward the bicycles.

It practically dragged me with itself and I did as soon as in time to tell Mark:

«I don't succeed indeed in convincing me of thing has happened! Talk to you soon.» I sent him a kiss.

Along the whole journey we confided there our experiences. For her you/he/she had been more complicated because Stephen was revealed a timid boy so you/he/she was been her turn to take the initiative. I succeeded even in imagining the scene while her he hurled him against and it tightened him/it to itself forcing to kiss her/it to it.

That evening of July I had given my first kiss, I was happy and above all I believe, in love.

The following morning I woke up myself to the sound of the lawnmower. My father, when it was at home, you/he/she could not be calm without doing nothing; it owed for strength to combine something and above all to wake up the people that still slept.

I remained still a moment under the sheets to consider to the evening before, to the laughters that I had done with my friend returning home to Mark.

I had slept few, I believe because of the happiness that I tried and to the desire that I had to see again as soon as possible Mark.

I was full of energy, therefore I jumped down from the bed and I opened wide the shutters. It was a warm day, already from the first morning, and shining.

A hammer started to tap on my right temple, from plain to strong, almost unbearable and I was again forced to bring me the hand to the head and to press, in the hope that pain stopped. About ten seconds lasted, then it disappeared.

I was too much happy to think of us. It was to go down now and to begin the day.

My mother was in the kitchen session to the table you/he/she sues to write something. Almost he/she didn't see me enter.

«Oh, good morning treasure.»

«Hi but.' Cosa stai facendo?»

«I am preparing the list of the stuff that will serve us to the sea.»

«Because you make a list that will serve only you in one month now, if everything is all right?»

«You have reason but you you don't know anything yet. Your father and I have spoken of it last night, while you were to the party of Mark. And we have decided to depart tomorrow. We feel like being together some everybody, so this year we grant us the double one of vacations. Are you happy?»

I felt me spaesata. My parents stentavano already every year to bring me to the sea to August because they were stracarichi of job, instead this year, that didn't interest almost at all me, they wanted to go us with one month of advance.

I didn't want to be distant from house, from Laura, and above all from Mark.

«Because this sudden decision? For me we could go only also to the beach next month.»

My mother was so convinced that didn't leave me finish the sentence.

«This year I have decided this way. It is not correct that your father and I work as of the crazy person the whole year if then we cannot enjoy any deserved rest together with you. And then they are only fifteen days, you will have time to see Laura and your friends.»

There was no anything to do. I was forced to depart.

«I will have to warn Laura because we had already made some projects for the next days. I immediately call her.»

«Of accord.»

I composed the number of Laura, he/she answered me after three rings and from his/her voice I understood that I had wakened up her. I quickly explained her the situation and we granted there to meet us in the first afternoon and to spend some time with the boys.

I was angry with my parents.

Every year I begged them to bring me to the sea since the month of June and it was a miracle if they succeeded in satisfying me for the month of August. This year, that I was not very interested to the thing, they practically forced me to go with them.

I could not oppose to their decision because you/they would not have understood. After all they did them him to make me happy, but they didn't know what the evening before I had touched the sky with a finger.

I quickly had lunch and I helped my mother to clear and to put in order. My father had lain down on one I lay down under the ombrellone of the garden and you/he/she was tasting his/her Sunday catnap. It was not to see effortless to sleep him/it and above all suit with bermuda, shirt and sandals. I have always seen him in jacket and tie, composed, with all the taut hair back. It said that, because of his/her job, it had to be always presentable and reassuring, in any moment of the day.

I always saw him/it so, except during the afternoon catnaps or the days to the sea.

I greeted my mother and I told her that I would have called her if I/you was stopped me to dine from Laura. It didn't also object because he realized that was the last day" of liberty" to my disposition.

In a beating of eye I arrived from Laura, which was waiting me in the street.

«I have called Mark and I have explained him the situation. It waits us to his/her house with Stephen.»

«Are unique! How would I do without you?»

«You will thank me when we will become relatives. We go, I feel like seeing mine" treasure"!»

The boys were instead to the sporting field to play to ball.

We hardly arrived Laura him it launched against the net of enclosure to invoke his beloved, I confined me instead to lift the hand and to make a sign of regard.

Mark and Stephen raced verse of us.

Stephen and Laura exchanged a tender kiss through the net.

«When you end to play?» he/she asked Laura.

«We still have mezz'oretta of training, then we will be from you.»

«Yes, wait us to the cafe. It makes too much here heat» it suggested Mark while it was fixing his/her eyes in mine.

«It is all right. We wait there you» and we dismissed there with a simple regard.

We arranged us on the I swing of the Dehor and the time it seemed it didn't have to ever pass. We consumed two coke-cola to head; it did an unbearable heat and the anxiety that it oppressed me it didn't help at all me.

Mark and Stephen arrived to the cafe running after himself/herself/itself; despite the warm one and the training just finished they still had the strength of him joke and to race behind.

«As the training you/he/she has gone? Am I you missed?» he/she asked Laura to Stephen.

These you/he/she was decidedly embarrassed but you/he/she could not disappoint his/her girl.

«Some that you are me missed.» And a sonorous kiss cracked on her cheek.

«How you are it Feels happy?»

«Well, Mark. And you?»

I had a knot in throat. I was so cooked of that boy that I would not have succeeded in even not departing if you/they had promised me a mountain of gifts to my choice.

«Ago a terrible heat but I survive. What do you have scheduled for today?»

«Really we were coming to your house because you had told me that you would have waited for there there. Because instead you were to the field?» it protested Laura putting himself/herself/itself the fists on the sides.

«We were waiting you, when you/he/she has phoned our trainer to summon us to the field for an extraordinary training. In three days the summer tournament starts, two boys that played with us have had a small accident and they will have for one month of it, if everything will be all right. This way we have had to change the formation and the schemes of game. Now, if you want, we can also go to me, so much to this time ago too much heat to be around.»

«Thing you say it Feels happy of it?»

«You decide you!»

«It is all right, we go. This way we will be calmer» it said malicious Laura squeezing an eye toward Stephen.

After ten minutes is comfortably sat on the carpet of the living room of the house of Mark to sip cold the to the lemon.

«Then, thing has happened?» Mark asked me.

Laura and Stephen that exchanged tenderness and kisses and I tried some looked it envies because they would be been able to also be together in the following days.

«My parents have suddenly decided to depart for the sea. You/they have not even asked the opinion of the undersigned, thinking about doing me a favor instead of a blame.»

«Because you say this way? You are not happy to depart?»

«I would prefer to be here, with my friends and.» The didn'ts succeed in telling him him.

«E.?»

«It tries to understand. After what has happened last night, I don't succeed in departing, you would miss too much me!»

«Not to do this way. Two weeks pass in hurry and then we have to begin the tournament. We would not have had a lot of time to frequent us however. I believe that Laura will be annoyed quite a lot in these days.»

Seeing that I had the shiny eyes, Mark took me the hands and gave me a sweet kiss. The butterflies started to beat the wings in my stomach.

I was calmer. I had only perhaps need to feel to tell me something from him and after all two weeks to the sea would have done well me. Would have returned tanned and more beautiful than before!

We spent the afternoon from Mark, then I phoned house to warn that I would not have reentered for supper.

«You are calm but', they are with Laura in house of his/her cousin Mark. I reenter soon.»

«Of accord but this Mark you/he/she has done you really to lose the head!»

«Thing say! It is only a friend.» Meanwhile I felt the cheeks blush.

«It is all right. Had a good time.»

My mother had perhaps realized something; nothing can escape his/her parents!

I felt me more relaxed. Mark had made me understand that I would not only have lost him/it because I went away for some days and then the type you/he/she didn't seem me to pick around up a lost in love girl.

Its collection of musical cd and Mickey Mouse showed me; we spoke of music, of sport, in the summer. Then he jammed and it looked straight me in the eyes.

«I am happy indeed to have a girl as you.» And that kiss that we exchanged there it was the more main point for me because he had defined me" his/her girl."

The moment arrived of unfortunately to greet us. Laura, that had been the whole evening grasped to his/her Stephen, not surrenders the very easy situation. He/she embraced me strong and, with the tears to the eyes, it started to make me recommendations on recommendations.

«Phone me as soon as arrivals and every evening, you write some amusing postcard, not to burn you, tries to have a good time you.»

It was Stephen to stop her/it.

«Cries her/it, otherwise we will start all to cry!»

I looked once still at Mark in his/her amazing eyes.

Returning home I oddly felt me empty.

Every time that I saw the sea opened me the heart; the only sight gave me an indescribable emotion. All that blue water that sparkled under the sun invited me to the liberty, to the thoughtlessness.

Our house was found in front of the beach: the wide open windows seemed some poster, thanks to the marvelous sight that was offered.

I immediately raced in my room, the mansard of the house, and I leaned out me from the balcony. From up there the panorama it was indescribable. I had always loved that place. It was so beautiful and picturesque that seemed gone out of the brush of a painter.

We spent the days in the calm and in the idleness absolute. I had never seen my parents so vacationers. They got up to the morning late, my mother prepared a fast and coolness lunch, we went to the beach up to evening.

It was the maximum one of the life.

Every evening, however, before lying down I spent some time on the balcony of my room. I didn't succeed in tearing off the eyes from what you/he/she was offered me: after all in the bay, on the left, there was a small I bring in which the most beautiful and luxurious boats were moored; the sea seemed a second sky thanks to the boats illuminated of the fishermen; on the right there was an expanse of villas and residences recently built surrounded by a rich exotic vegetation.

That place had always been a heaven for me. Sinned that during that vacation I felt me some alone, without the Adamo of my life.

An evening decided to take a walk on the beach. I crossed the road, then I removed from me the shoes. It was beautiful to feel the fresh sand around the feet. I took a seat me in shore to the sea watching out for not to be crushed by the waves. I breathed to full bellows the light breeze, I listened to the backwash of the sea.

Suddenly I felt a light pain to the right temple. It seemed more and more an increasing pulsation. The hand automatically moved him on the temple and premises, in the hope that everything stopped. The sight became cloudy me and I felt me afraid, lost. I wanted to call my parents but I didn't find the strength to make to work the vocal chords.

Pain increased, you/he/she was becoming unbearable. I feared the worse, then to the sudden one I didn't feel anything anymore. All had passed: the pain, and the fear, faded away above all.

Thing happened me? It was not the first time and I started to worry me. I had to talk to mother and dad of it.

Perhaps, however, you/he/she had been the consequence of all those days passed under the sun. Definite that I would have talked only to my parents of it if it were again happened. I didn't want to alarm at all them.

Definite however to return home. I had to have rested later the day because the vacation was ended and we had to reenter.

I had never been so happy to return home.

My father also hastened, seeing that I raced to take purses and suitcases without wasting time.

«Thing has happened it Feels happy? Because you have hurry to return home? The last years we had to drag you out of this house and to close you in car to succeed in bringing you street, while this year he is verifying the contrary one.»

«It is the age. It will be some good right to want to return home» my mother answered.

I pretended not to listen and I ended to load the car. I was not anymore by now in the skin, because I thought that that evening I would have seen Laura, my friends and him again.

The months that followed in the most absolute idyll lived.

Laura and I were enrolled to the definite school and found very well us, we studied and our parents were happy; the weekend was with the boys, that spoiled us and they continually cuddled.

The agreement with Mark was perfect. It was a marvelous person, flood of attentions, sweet. I was the happy to girl the world but I felt that such joy would not have lasted forever. The months passed and I perceived that something would have broken the harmony that tied us.

Toward halves the second year of superior, in fact, the world fell me I set and credetti not to go out of it long live.

The winter was about to end and the awakening in the spring made us energetic and full of life. The air was still some fresh but the sun it was inviting and it spurred us to go out more often.

It was really during a warm Saturday afternoon that I received a cold phone call of Mark. He/she invited me to go for a stroll in the wood saying that it had hurry to speak to me. From his/her voice I understood that something upset him/it seriously and it didn't seem very happy to speak.

I went out with clean advance because I was too worried but when I arrived on the place of the appointment he was there already.

Its eyes were out the head bagged in the jacket and the hands sunk in the pockets of the jeans. The wood fence was supported to that coasted along the path, the look contemplated far, but as soon as he/she saw him to me it directed verse of me.

We had not exchanged there a word that he took me among his/her braccias and it tightened me with so much strength to get away the breath yet.

«You know him/it it Feels happy that I want you a good of the soul?»

«Certain Mark and also you know what I try for you.»

It kept on tightening me and I had to slightly detach me from him not to suffocate.

«Thing happens Mark?»

Silence.

«I pray you, tell me thing happens you!»

A leaf detached him from a branch and started to circle in the air, completing great looks for before arriving to lean on himself/herself/themselves to the ground.

You decided to speak.

«I cannot be without you. I don't want to leave you!»

«Mark, has thing happened? Because you tell me these things? Have you decided to do ends her/it with me?»

«Oh it Feels happy, it depended on me I would not go, I would stay here and I would not think once even it. But it is not my guilt!»

Mark detached from me and started to stir to the right and to the left as if he didn't know well from what you/he/she departs he wanted to go. I stopped him/it and I stared at him/it in the eyes.

«I don't succeed in understanding what you are saying. Explain me with calm thing has happened.»

We started there along the path and solo after many minutes Mark he/she succeeded in confiding him.

«Next month I have to depart. The firm of my father has opened a new branch and its presence is in demand for at least the next two years. I have told him that I would have remained here equally, that would have managed or I would be been able me to transfer from Stephen but him you/he/she has told me that it is not possible, that the school I would have ended in another institute and that then the time has come to start to know better the firm where one day I will work.»

It told me everything this in an instant and I immediately didn't succeed in grabbing the sense of what you/he/she had confided me.

«I don't understand, Mark. Where is this new branch? It won't be very distant from to prevent from seeing us.»

I jammed me because its eyes had become shiny.

«It is in the United States. I have to transfer there me it Feels happy.»

I didn't believe in what I had felt or I had understood badly perhaps.

«Thing you have said? Excuse but I believe not to have understood.»

«I have said that we still have one month of time to be together, then, perhaps, for two years we won't see us more.»

I was stunned from those words. The head slightly turned me and the legs were surrendering me. I would not have thought anymore of to be able to be so badly.

The human heart is as the rubber: little enough to inflate him/it and a lot of he/she doesn't succeed in making to burst him/it. If little void it upsets him/it, it takes little less that all to break him/it.

Mark tenderly embraced me realizing himself/herself/itself of as I felt me.

«I don't succeed in believing us. I cannot be without you. Am I very happy with you, because you have to depart?»

«It doesn't depend on me. My father has already decided and I won't succeed in changing nothing. You/he/she has decided to tear you give me my friends, from the team, from the school and from you. I have tried to convince him/it but you/he/she has not served to anything. By now it is definite so.»

«Because? Because?»

I didn't connect anymore. I didn't want to believe in thing you/he/she had been me said.

«Not to do so, it Feels happy, I suffer how much you. Let's enjoy us these last days, let's make them the most pleasant possible without thinking about the fact that soon our roads will divide him.»

Mark was very mature for a boy of that age, while I didn't succeed in reasoning and to accept what would have happened. I tried even some anger in his/her comparisons because he/she succeeded in staying so calm in comparison to my more absolute desperation.

«I pray you, we don't make even more everything difficult. Help to remember you to me with joy, happy and radiant as I have always seen you. I don't want to think about you and every time to see your sad and depressed face, awash of tears and desperation. Make me a smile.»

Only I now became me really account than affection I tried for him.

It was right, I didn't have to pass that last instants in the deepest apathy. And then we were young, we had to be strong and to face what the life proposed us.

I hardly mentioned a smile and, after having taken me the damp face of tears among the hands, Mark it gave me a kiss that seemed me eternal and in which warned what we tried the one for the other. Simply, love.

The spring rain beat against the glasses of my room, the silence around me, the photo on the wall raffigurante the sweet face of Mark observed me, he/she almost wanted to exhort to go out me, to move me, but strengths had abandoned me and the desire to enjoy me the life was enfeebled I don't know where.

Two months had passed by its departure and he/she anchor I didn't succeed in accepting him/it. You/he/she was created in me a deep void, as it missed a vital organ.

In the spring I didn't succeed in seeing the awakening of the nature anymore, the rebirth of the life, but I warned only a feeling of void.

The ring of the telephone me risollevò from that situation and it stimulated me to go down from the bed and to answer.

It was Laura that as every afternoon he/she called me to know if I had survived to another forenoon of school.

«Some that I am well, Laura. By now don't stay me whether to throw myself in the study and not to think to other.»

«I know him/it it Feels happy but you should go out more some to make new knowledges. You cannot segregate in the house for the rest of your days.»

I didn't try anybody stimulus, any desire to have a good time me and to go out.

«What you would say about going this evening to the cultural center? I have known that they want to organize a course of photo and you/he/she could be a beautiful pastime for the future. Does thing think of it? You answer of yes, otherwise I won't speak to you more!»

I was hesitant but I minded losing the friendship of Laura, even if I knew that it dealt with a kind of blackmail to make to go out me.

«I would not know.»

«Cannot be there always! You have to know new people and above all new boys; you cannot do life of seclusion!»

It was right. I was young and I could not leave to go me this way. I had to restart to live, even if I didn't feel anybody stimulus.

«Of accord, you have convinced me. Are you too much stubborn to release, true?»

«The friends also serve to this! Footstep from you at twenty o'clock and made to already find ready.»

Riagganciai the cornet and I stayed for some minutes to think about what you/he/she had told me my friend; I had to continue my life, also without Mark, because it is not correct to sacrifice himself/herself/themselves for something that has gone lost, even if for me it dealt with the person most important of this world.

At that time, thanks to a simple phone call of a sweet and thoughtful person that loved me, I understood that it was correct to live and to taste every moment of the existence, in the good and in the evil, without losing an instant, because every left is lost and he/she won't return anymore.

After so much time I found me in front of the mirror it sues to prepare to go out me. I was some excited because I had almost forgotten how much exciting was for a girl to get ready out himself/herself/themselves for an evening house.

It came in my help Laura that, he/she knew very well as usual thing, I would have had to wear, sees the occasion and the people that would have been. It was radiant and I believe happy to have succeeded in convincing me.

I saw the joy in his/her eyes, the euphoria in its gestures, warned anymore then only the ticking of a hammer a family noise that I had not felt for a long time.

I believe to be whitened because Laura had the blocked eyes, as if you/he/she was found before a ghost.

The temple started to tap, first constantly, then stronger and irregularly. The sight slightly became cloudy me and, to the place of the joy, I saw terror in the eyes of the girl that I had of forehead. I understood that you/he/she was telling me something, but I didn't feel the words.

The hammer kept on tapping more and more strong, until I warned a last and terrible hit.

I remained for a moment with the hands pressed around the forehead, the closed eyes; I feared that the hammer restarted to strike a nonexistent surface, instead I didn't feel anything.

Laura was calling me for name from I don't know how much time and, as soon as I succeeded in understanding where I was me, I answered her.

«Not to worry you. It deals with a sort of headache that has been persecuting me for some time. I believe that I/you/he/she depend too much on the fact that study!»

Laura looked me with worry.

«It seemed me a strange headache. Have you talked to someone of it?»

«No because I believed it dealt with a simple headache. Also my mother is subject of it and you/he/she spends a lot of time dam in bedroom to the dark when awful unbearable sharp pains come her. Perhaps in my case it is a hereditary fact.»

«Ditches in I would do you me to visit from someone. You/he/she can be some tiredness, of stress or also something different» it said Laura imploring what you/he/she had just said lifting the index and the little finger of the right hand.

«I will talk to my mother of it and I will ask her to bring me from an expert. Are you happy?»

«Yes, I am better. If there was not me! I always owe to think first to the others and then to myself, it is stronger than me. If you make me worry another time I swear that I combine something irreparable!» And joking grabbed me for the neck faking to strangle me.

The saloon of the cultural center was full of people.

The chairs prepared to the center were almost all occupied but we found equally a setup in second line.

Later around a quarter of it now made his/her entry a youth that he went to systematize to the table in front of all of us.

Laura touched me a knee and whispered me:

«If this is the teacher, I enroll me in all of his/her courses and I don't even lose a lesson.»

I remembered her, then, that was a boy named Stephen that would not have been very happy about the thing to the world.

With a shaking of shoulders he/she answered me:

«What there is badly? To look doesn't is not sin!»

The youth had approximately twenty-eight years, clear hair and green eyes, the beard of a couple of days and the skin of the face slightly tanned.

You/he/she was preparing on the table that had of forehead some cars photographic and other gadgets, while to his/her shoulders some placards had been lined up with posted numerous photos.

The president of the cultural center that introduced us the mysterious youth also entered.

It called Patrick, it was Italian but with French origins. It made the photographer and his/her preferred subject it was the world, that is all of this that surrounded him/it. You/he/she had been in a lot of Countries and you/he/she could boast a vast harvest of photo of every kind and every place.

The president did present that Patrick had decided to take him one period of vacations, therefore that lecture had been organized and subsequently a course for aspirant photographers.

I immediately was captured by his/her way of speaking; it had the deep and firm voice and during the explanations it was accompanied with gestures and smiles, to make more charming and pleasant what said.

Laura was literally imbambolata, abducted, I believe, from his/her charm more than from what said and it showed.

Also me as she, were not indifferent to his/her particular beauty but I was impressed above all by the images that it showed and from the comment that it tied to each of them.

The way was amazing with which succeeded to capture the states of mind, the conditions of the time, the colors of the nature. Every photo of his seemed you/he/she could speak. I had never seen so beautiful and expressive photo, and for an instant I felt envy towards that boy, because he/she succeeded in making to try marvelous feelings with a simple release of his/her photographic car.

To the sudden one I felt me excited, excited, because I desired to do something of concrete in the life. I wanted to become as Patrick, to turn the world, to visit so many countries and to know new people. Perhaps my dream of liberty he was concretizing, for the first time I felt me sure of a thing.

He/she anchors today I don't succeed in understanding as it made that boy emerged by the nothing to open me the eyes, to make to feel me long live, to make the essence of the existence taste me.

The lecture was finished and Laura didn't hesitate an instant to take me for the arm and to drag me toward Patrick, that was speaking at that time with the president of the center.

«It feels happy, I absolutely have to enroll me in this course. You will do as me, so Stephen cannot become angry! This boy is a myth and me I want that you teach me to use those accursed photographic cars, so I can make then some splendid photos to my love. Is it correct to unite the profit to the pleasure, true?»

Laura he allowed to take from the things with too much transport; it was impossible to hold back her/it when you/he/she had decided a thing but this time I didn't have intention to hinder her/it.

They delivered us the forms for the registration, that we decided to compile after having consulted our parents, even if by now we were convinced that we would have participated in that course.

We thought about going to make the knowledge of our future teacher but, seeing us hesitant and some timid ones, was him to present himself/herself/themselves.

«Hi girls. I am Patrick.»

It lengthened the hand toward of us and it was Laura to pick her/it up and to tighten her/it also making the presentations for me.

«I hope for the lecture and anchor my photos you are liked more.»

«I don't have words. Be a myth! Are you too much good to be a photographer, as you have learned?» Laura interrupted him/it.

«I have not made any school, only personal experiences. The secret consists of succeeding in gathering the correct situation in the correct time.»

«You are right, but I believe that yours both a natural gift. I have never seen so beautiful and meaningful images and for this we have decided to enroll us in your course, hoping to learn what you can teach us.»

«I thank you, it Feels happy, and for me it already means very what you have said. I believe that you will become a good photographer.»

«We hope.»

After some minutes we dismissed there from Patrick, euphoric and satisfied for the evening.

Once more I had to thank Laura for his/her solidarity and timeliness thanks to which had convinced me to go out of my hull.

I woke up myself calmer and of good humor in comparison to the other mornings. I sent a kiss to Mark's photo hung to the wall and in an instant I was ready to go out.

We had to deliver the registration to the course of photo within the afternoon; the preceding evening I had immediately talked to my parents of it. Seeing me so enthusiastic you/they had given me their consent, also because they were many days that I didn't show me so expansive and happy.

I very seriously talked to them.

«You see, this boy is a true teacher, you/he/she is what succeeds in doing with the photographic car. Also I want to become a good photographer and to turn the world, all the most disparate places and to succeed in bringing on a piece of paper what I see with the eyes and I feel with the heart. Dev'essere an indescribable experience.»

I was already dreaming, but my father brought me with the feet for earth.

«We say that it will become a hobby for you, that of the photo. For your career I believe and I hope that you will think about qualcos'altro.»

My father was usual to slash, even though unintentionally, every enthusiasm of mine. I think he/she didn't want to accept the idea that his/her daughter wanted to make a work that didn't answer to his/her expectations and ambitions. He already saw me with an attractive suit, shoes with the heels, handbag ventiquattr'ore, sues to discuss to the jail cell some important bargain.

My mother, saw better instead me with a candid white white uniform, the picked hair behind the head, but you/he/she would not have been sorry at all her if I/you was ended behind a desk to beat on a keyboard of computer for the whole day. The important one, for her, it was that I had a sure and profitable job, thanks to which would have been able to conduct a normal life, also without deprivations.

Definite, then, not to pronounce me regarding what had said my father and to think only about the fact that I would have learned so much from that course and to the opportune moment I would have shown to my parents how much I/you had become good.

I opened the letter with avarice, without trying to leave the whole envelope.

The calligraphy was always clear and sure, as him.

The postal stamp pointed out that the letter had been expeditious from Hemming, Florida.

Mark practically wrote me every time that visited a new place; that time told me of a trip organized that you/he/she had brought him/it to the fantastic park of Disneyland.

It said that it was everything marvelous, exaggerator and imperdibile.

I would be due to be also us me to complete his/her happiness, said.

Read the letter with cupidity and joy, realizing not to try me, as the other times, anguish and nostalgia but beatitude and thoughtlessness. Perhaps I had finally succeeded in accepting his/her departure and above all his/her distance; he had become my confidante, my friend, my guardian angel.

You/he/she had always helped me in the decisions and in the moments of discouragement, for this I had immediately to answer him and to tell him of the course that I had decided to frequent together with Laura.

I imagined his/her eyes when had read my words and him would have thought: «will never change! It doesn't do anything without his/her friend.».

Its memory was sweet; its eyes that scrutinized me and they were laid a trap in mine. His/her long fingers that wove him with my hair, his/her lips that grazed my cheeks, my neck, my mouth.

You/he/she had been so the last evening spent together. We were in his/her chalet, to the confinements with the brushwood. It was not cold but we had passed the most greater part of the time tightened the one to the other, listening to our breaths and the pulsation of our hearts. Our eyes were lost I don't know where, the look perhaps seemed far because our minds were already to the moment in which we would not have been together anymore.

Him, then, the face had taken me among the hands.

«It feels happy, I love you. I would like to be your and. The desires you! I want to be with you.»

You saw that it was embarrassed, but I understood him/it because also I felt his/her same feelings.

«Mark, wants you an endless good. I want to be forever yours and, even if we had not to see anymore us, I will be happy for what will have happened this evening. I love you.»

There were abandoned on the great couch of the living room, in front of the crackling fire. The smoke salivates above for the fireplace and I had so also imagined our innocence, that went out of our bodies and it went to take the road of the liberty.

I had to face, in that days, also one of the first quarrels of Laura with Stephen.

We walked for the center and Laura it was really sad; I didn't remember to have ever seen her/it this way.

Stephen had shown some jealous after having seen our teacher of the course of photo and the enthusiasm of his/her girl when he met him/it and you/he/she had made some observation about it. Laura he felt wound because, being the most loyal and faithful person of this world, you/he/she would not have let Stephen never suffer. It is true that many appreciations it did on the account of Patrick but for her everything it ended there. And this Stephen didn't know him/it. It feared to lose her/it. Laura had not even tried to speak to him and to explain him that for her they didn't mean anything the continuous compliments that it did to Patrick but you/he/she was simply offended and from a few days the word didn't turn him anymore.

«Has been bad with me! Because it doesn't understand me? There is not badly anything of in to make a compliment to a person and then I want only him, it doesn't interest me any other. However it is also correct that I look the others: I cannot turn at all with the blinker!»

«You are right Laura but these things you don't have to tell her me, you have to tell her to Stephen. He will understand because he/she wants you a good of the soul. It is for this that is jealous. It is afraid only to lose you. It doesn't know well perhaps still you; he/she doesn't know but you are crazy of nature!»

I finally succeeded in making to laugh her/it. He/she embraced me and it thanked me.

«Is go suffered to talk to Stephen however you accompany me, because I would not like to put his hands I set and to strangle him/it for what you/he/she has thought and says on me. You could be useful to avoid to end him to the first aid!»

Laura was again that usual, he/she took me by the hand and practically it dragged me of weight I pour the house of Stephen.

I was convinced more and more that that two would have passed the rest of their life together.

The school was by now at the end, the days lengthened and the climate became more and more mild.

Not having the tie of the study anymore, I could devote soul and body to the course. During the first lessons Patrick had illustrated us various types of photographic cars with attached objects ever seen before, you/he/she had explained us as they worked and the techniques to realize a photo in the best of the ways.

The moment had come to make practice, therefore we were gone out a late afternoon and we had gone off some photo for the roads of the city.

«You try to take back particular that you/they strike you, expressions that you incuriosiscono, attitudes that capture your attention. You try to take back all of this from your point of view, without going to look for the correct position. Surprises!»

He was more enthusiastic than us; the grim and the passion it was impressive that transmitted to all those that surrounded him/it and the emphasis that was perceived in his/her words.

I tried to snatch his/her secret, I tried to see the things from his/her point of view but it was impossible because, as it always repeated me him, each has an own perspective of what it surrounds him/it.

After quite a lot releases, we went to his/her laboratory to develop our photos. At the end of the day we were all without words; we had realized some beautiful photos, even if some were funny and they represented the most disparate subjects.

While we were examining mine, Patrick drew near and congratulated him me for the good job. You/he/she had been stricken from a scene that I had «brought on the paper» in identical way from as you/he/she had lived her him.

A man was firm to the semaphore on his/her automobile, the lowered car window, the left elbow supported to sustain the head the forehead slightly of sweat. Patrick told that seeing that man had warned tiredness, nostalgia, stress because that individual was probably gone out hardly of the job, he cannot wait to return home from his/her family and you/he/she didn't feel however like facing the traffic. In substance you/he/she had been a negative scene, but that you/he/she had transmitted a lot of feelings.

Also I had warned what it said my teacher but I would not have believed to be able to bring everything on a photo.

The image clearly showed the tiredness that shone through from the face of the man the work that tried in to have to bear the traffic.

Patrick showed the photo to the others, describing what you/he/she had perceived him looking at her/it. He/she asked thing to the presents they saw in that man; some simply responded that they saw a man, perhaps some tired, sat in his/her auto, instead others almost said the same things of Patrick.

I felt me excited and realized.

I would never have thanked enough Patricks for what you/he/she had taught me and for what, above all you/he/she had made me try that day.

It was dark and I raced toward the wood.

The moist forehead of sweat, the peeled knees and bloody, I escaped from something that pursued me something appalling and monstrous.

I was afraid but I kept on directing me in the wood to look for help, a shelter, someone.

I didn't have breath anymore, I breathed to work with big rattles.

The danger drew near, because I kept on stumbling and to lose terrestrial.

A low ticking transformed him in light to drum, for then to become a big noise of grancassa. It was deafening, it resembled to a gigantic hammer that directly struck me the eardrums with the intention to shatter them and to make me deaf.

To the sudden one it materialized him in front of me the chalet of Mark, shining and wound by a blue light that gave a sense of peace and heat. The door opened wide him and Mark appeared, beautiful as an angel; you/he/she extended me the braccias and you/he/she told me:

«You come with me, I will help you and I will save you.»

The hammer increased its hits but me I felt me calm because I had reached a shelter and above all because there was Mark.

I was a stonesthrow from him, I already extended the braccias to embrace him/it, but this was not possible because suddenly it opened a black hole under of me, cold and dark, that it swallowed me together with the cry that I succeeded in making to go out of the burnt throat.

I opened the eyes hardly suffocating with the hands a terrible cry. The eyes were blocked, the trembling legs, the hair glued to the forehead for the sweat.

I was in my room, it was deep night, I had had a nightmare.

Wanted us some minutes to succeed in calming my body shaken by the winces and to convince my mind that I had dreamt everything. In this, however, I still warned in distance a light ticking as a hammer that it beat the time. I had some headache, but this didn't prevent me from going down from the bed and to direct me in bath.

I looked me at the mirror after being repeatedly rinses me the face.

I was pale, I still had the put in a ditch eyes and the trembling hands. I had never made a dream so coinvolgente and scary and I slightly remained impresses of it, because it came me to mind that someone said that the dreams are forecasts of events or simple warnings.

It was not my case, I thought, therefore I went me toward the kitchen to drink an abundant glass of fresh water and to return in bed later immediately.

Three months passed, before receiving a letter from America.

I always felt the same emotion but I noticed that anymore every day I didn't spend thinking that, perhaps, to the next day you/he/she would have been set for me there.

Mark was always thoughtful, kind, but I warned as one note of separation in his/her words, as him same writing more to a sister that to his/her girl.

Read that you/he/she was studying a lot because it had to get ready himself/herself/themselves to face the maturity but you/he/she had also succeeded in inserting well him in the «turn» of the new friends. You/he/she had started to play to baseball, even though it kept on cultivating the passion for the kick, and it assiduously frequented a swimming pool. I already imagined as his/her physicist had to have become: graven, linear, irresistible.

It was this that frightened me. Mark was a stupendous boy and surely you/he/she had already been adocchiato from some girl. To the only thought I felt an anger and a jealousy appalling, I would have liked to shout to all the Americans to hold the eyes and above all the hands to their place. But as I was able me, from the other head of the world, to succeed in preventing a thing of the kind?

I resigned me to the idea that Mark could have other histories and perhaps you/he/she was already happened. Of however could also happen to me.

Definite, therefore, to answer that same day to the letter and I intended me to write all of this that I tried and I thought. I wanted that he knew that I kept on suffering for him, that I could not forget him/it, but that unfortunately our lives they had to follow their course. Unfortunately each of us is marked by the destiny and it is not possible to change what you/he/she has been definite for us.

The photo had succeeded very well.

Me, Laura and Stephen we smiled the more possible and we wanted Mark to understand our feelings looking at our faces. We had asked to Patrick to make a photo that withdrew together all and three, as Mark had always seen us and as, we hoped, he remembered us. We desired, however, that succeeded to understand as we were in that precise instant, how much it missed us, as it was physically away from us but always present in our hearts.

Stephen, as soon as he/she saw the photo it said:

«He will surely like and I believe that it will be moved when he/she will see her/it. We love him and he wants to us some.»

Laura, to those words, been moved and as his usual began to whine as a child.

«What sadness! Because him so distant dev'essere, everything only and without us?»

«It is not alone, Laura, and then it will return. Of the new friends you/he/she is done that will want well surely him how much us. It is to want effortless him of it.»

I wrote a long letter in which I told all of this that I had done and I did. I wrote that I looked for a summer occupation, together with Laura, for racimolare two money, but it was not easy. To every application they answered us that they didn't have need or that we were too much young people. I wrote to Mark that probably in America it was easier to find a job while from us it was practically impossible.

We had always believed that it was a cinch, instead we now saw us beat in face all the doors that we tried to open.

Stephen had been more fortunate than us; you/he/she had gotten a lavoretto in a cafe and then you/he/she had to also graduate himself/herself/themselves him, therefore the as problem was not set.

Laura and I, were abandoning unfortunately the idea, and we would perhaps have spent the summer as every year.

I very in a friendly way concluded the letter without smancerie and excessive regrets.

Sooner or later Mark would have returned and if the destiny had been from our part you/he/she would have made us rincontrare and to love as once, perhaps more before and with more conviction, because, after all, ours had been a history among little boys.

Reflecting then with the sense of I wondered me if you/he/she would have lasted with Mark if you/he/she had not been forced to depart.

We had decidedly become two beautiful girls.

Laura had the long hair and blonds, slightly I moved on the points. It was tall and slender, with a model physicist, but more prosperous.

It had a sweet face that incuriosiva for the grimaces that it did in continuation. It was not at all a calm type that worried him about to show only because you/he/she could afford him/it.

My hair was slightly shorter than his, chestnut dark color and smooth, so much that I didn't succeed in making me a hair style because they even were not together with the glue.

I had the most marked features in comparison to Laura, that made to jump the depths green eyes. I was not tall but I had an enviable physicist. I was thin of constitution but busty in the correct points.

I had slightly inherited from my mother the wide sides but overall I was not able certain to complain me.

We had become two beautiful girls and above all Stephen if aware n'era. When we went out it didn't release an instant Laura because, besides him to be very jealous realized that the boys always looked us with insistence and some times they didn't hesitate to launch compliments and invitations.

Fortunately Laura and I didn't give weight to certain things and, even though aware of our aspect, not" we threw her/it", as they said some envious girls instead.

We started to attend the discos, the pubs, the more meetings to the fashion, thanks also to Stephen that there scorrazzava from all the parts. You/he/she would not have allowed to go alone around his/her girl for any reason to the world, so, for the most greater part of the times, we went out in three and, I sincerely felt me some an intruder. The fact was that Stephen a sister almost considered me and we had become after the departure of Mark very united. He had lost the best friend, me the first great love.

We were very in harmony and we were together always. Perhaps they also did them him not to make to think too much me about the" boy of America" but some times I found me to envy them. They exchanged kisses, tenderness but reproaches, howl also. Everything belonged to their love and it was beautiful to see how much they were loved and how much they held the one to the other.

Even though their history was practically been born when they were little boys, according to me you/he/she was destined to last forever.

I had already collected quite a lot albums of photos, raffiguranti the nature, the animals, but above all my parents and the friends.

I loved immortalizing the expressions and the states of mind of whoever I met; I often wandered me for house with the photographic car and it was inevitable for me to go off photo on photo. What had taught me Patrick you/he/she had become for me a demand, a source of life. I felt me to revive whenever every I developed my photos and I succeeded in again seeing what you/he/she had impressed me in the moment of the release. They were of the magic moments for me because I felt me long live and really happy.

I always used me the consultation of Patrick, also because I was still after all a beginner, and it was really during a cold autumn day that took me with the strong hands and he/she kissed me.

We were in the darkroom to bring defeasible mine last «job», an entirely rolls devoted to the phenomenons of the nature. I was always generally with Laura but that time she was due to stay home because of an ugly influence.

I had just hung to dry the last image, raffigurante the rays of the sun that filtered through the clouds after a temporal violent, when Patrick did very nearby him.

«You have an innate talent. You could become indeed good and to make of this passion a real job.»

«I thank you Patrick, but it is everything your worth. As teacher you are good.»

I felt me some nervous every time that Patrick was found next to me, perhaps because it had a wild and irresistible charm and it was almost impossible to succeed in looking at him/it in the eyes for more than three seconds.

«Looks that marvelous sceneries, that particular subjects go to seek! All of your photos are very beautiful and seductive, as you.»

It fixed me in the eyes and I was forced to lower the look.

«Not to exaggerate! I don't believe to deserve similar compliments.»

I had the trembling voice and I felt a lot me to uneasiness.

It supported the hands on my shoulders. It threw me verse of itself and me I was not able to react.

It gave me a very impassioned kiss, almost violent, while with the hands it crossed the lines of my back as it looked for something.

I was rigid, incredulous and I didn't understand what was happening.

Probably he warned this state of mine of mind and it detached him from me.

«I apologize you, I would not have owed.»

I stared at him/it in the eyes but I didn't succeed in telling him nothing.

«I try a strange attraction for you. It will be your beauty, your way of doing, your photos.»

I kept on staring at him/it. It perhaps realized something, because he/she embraced again me and he/she kissed me.

Also I was picked up by the passion and I started to caress his neck, then the soft hair. I was going crazy because I became me account that I liked, that I tried a strange call toward of him that I had never tried until you/he/she had not kissed me.

It was not tender in the movements but definite and irruento. He/she now kissed me on the neck, now on the mouth and so street.

Its hands started to explore my body, then it whispered me:

«You make me go crazy. I would like.»

I didn't let him end the sentence and I withdrew me from him.

«Excuse Patrick but I don't feel her/it to me. I have to go!»

I did for racing away but he grabbed me for an arm.

«I beg you to forgive Feels happy me! I didn't want to hurt your feelings but it is true what I have said. Will you return here?»

I didn't know what to answer. I tried a strong attraction toward of him, but I was afraid.

«Give me some time.» it is said this raced away.

I had forgotten the jacket in the study but I could not return back. The day was rather cold and a light nebbiolina was going down on the city.

While the autos passed me near I kept on asking me the why of what had happened; I had never acknowledged anything and so much less I would have been able to imagine a thing of the kind.

I am always liked he but I saw him/it how an unattainable finishing line for me. He was a man, me a ragazzina, even though under certain aspects I/you could already seem a woman.

I raced to house with that thoughts that turned me in the head, while a light headache started to torment me.

I still felt me confused, in guilt and I had need to talk to someone. I had to go from Laura, she would have helped me or at least comforted as always.

Going out I met Stephen that a passage offered me.

«You seem down me some. What is there?»

«Nothing worrisome. I need only to talk some to Laura.»

«Something has happened, then.»

«No, but. The feels me terribly in guilt!»

«In guilt for thing?»

«I know him/it that it is absurd but I believe to have made a blame to Mark.»

«To Mark? As it is possible? What you could have combined?»

«To I can tell you him, you are as a brother.»

«Certain and you know that you can trust me.»

«Thanks. Has happened that Patrick has kissed me.»

After an instant of silence Stephen bursted to laugh.

«That's all? Because you have to worry you?»

«It seems me to have betrayed the trust of Mark. After all, after him, I have not had serious histories anymore, rather I have never had a boy, except some" flirtation" from Saturday evening. This time, however, I have warned a lot of attraction and for this I believe to have made a wrong thing.»

«It is not correct to reason this way. Before thing: you are free to go out with whom want, also because I believe that Mark makes the same thing. They are almost two years that you don't see you and it is normal that each of you tries to refer himself/herself/themselves a life. Second thing: you are a stupendous girl and I don't succeed in understanding because you have to make you so many problems. You could have all the boys of' world but you I am you persist you to wait for of it a solo. Third thing: you live your life day for day, not to make to escape you the occasions and above all had a good time. When it will be the moment you will return with Mark, if the destiny will want so, but you now have need to have your experiences and above all to live your life.»

I reflected on the words that you/he/she had told me.

«Thanks Stephen, is perhaps right. I should take this whole matter with more lightness. You/he/she has made very well me talk to you and I still thank you. This time Laura won't have anything to say, because you have already thought there you. Hi!»

I gone down by the car after having given a kiss on his cheek. I was happy because I realized not to have two friends but two guardian angels.

I raced above for the staircases that brought to the lodging of Laura, I played and his/her mother came to open the door.

«Hi it Feels happy, it enters. How are you?»

«Benone. Can I see Laura?»

«But certain, it is in room. I take advantage to go out to run two errands of it, so much there are you.»

«Lady goes, I will also mind the ill one.»

Laura was in the bed, sat and you/he/she was reading one of that newspapers of gossips. He/she hardly saw me the the face he illuminated.

«It feels happy, that surprise. How is it going?»

«There is not badly and you? Are you taking back yourself? Do I/you/he/she miss us a lot, do you know?»

«I know him/it, it is terrible not to have me among the feet. However I think about being able to go out at the most between two or three days. Does thing tell me of beautiful?»

Surely you/he/she had already realized something seeing my less laughing face of the usual one.

«Thin Stephen has accompanied here me and, to be sincere, has helped a lot me.»

«Thing you have combined this time?»

In an instant I explained her every thing, all of a breath.

«Patrick has kissed me and I have accursedly felt in guilt toward Mark. Not for the fact that there are kissed but really because I have tried a strong attraction toward of him and it don't seem me correct.»

«I don't succeed in believing us! That wonder of man has kissed you and you think about a boy that lives to the other head of the world. You are more crazy person of me.»

«I know him/it that I should be happy, also Stephen has told that my experiences I should live, not to make me so many problems and above all not to think about Mark, that one day will return and if God will want we could return together.»

«As I envy you Feels happy! You have the possibility to have you an experience with a true man and if you listen you don't allow yourself to me to escape this occasion. At least try us, if you don't want then to repent you of it.»

«I don't know him/it. The thing perhaps frightens me some. He is a man and he/she thinks what they would say my parents. It would be the end of the world!»

«You not to say anything. Make you your adventure of hidden without to make to see you from anybody and if it will work then you will go out unsecured. For your parents I would not worry me, also because it seems me that they see of good eye our teacher. Oh it Feels happy, as I would like to be to your place!»

«Stop her/it Laura! If Stephen feels you strikes by lightning yourself! I don't know what to do, should speak perhaps of it really with Patrick. There has been only after all a kiss and even you/he/she has already forgotten everything.»

«I don't believe.» Laura responded me with malicious air.

They perhaps had reason both Laura and Stephen, I had to live my life without depriving me some occasions that introduced me. I also had to have some experience and surely I didn't have to hock me with anybody. I was young and I still had a whole life before.

I spent the rest of the day to house of Laura. We spoke of the school, of the friends, of Saturday evening that he was approaching and of our future.

«Last week Stephen and I have spoken seriously of our history. You/he/she has told me that he/she would like to be forever with me. Do I love him but you don't believe that has sacrificed my youth for a boy?»

«No, not to even say him/it. You have had the fortune to meet the boy of your life when you were still a ragazzina instead of owing to wait for him/it for the whole life. You will have had less experiences of me or of any other girl of our age but you are happy and you don't have to regret nothing.»

«I am happy, however some times I wonder me what I would have done if I/you was not gone out with Stephen. Even to this time I would be a stray girl, with the colored hair, fifteen shed piercing for the body and the angry look always.»

«I don't see us to you really in the cloths of a punk and then I believe that you would be as six, also without him.»

«Next year he will enroll him in the institute of physical education and I/you/they is convinced more and more to want to also do him/it me. You thing you say of it?»

«I say that you do well. However you don't have to follow only a certain road because him ago also Stephen, otherwise in this case you could repent you of your choice.»

«I/you/they are firmly convinced to want to attend that school, also because the possibilities to find a job are good; ache that goes I will open a gym. Do you like as it conceives?»

«Grandiose! So I will never pay and I will be always in perfect form.»

«You immediately would take advantage of it, accursed!»

We started to launch us pillows, dolls of roll and plush, until we didn't burst to laugh under the eyes amused of the mother of Laura that had just reentered.

I armed me of the whole courage that I had and definite to go to the photographic laboratory with the excuse to have to take back the jacket. In my cuor I feared to meet Patrick but I also hoped for there.

I thought about thing I would have been able to tell him when I would have seen him, as I would be me due to behave and above all thing would have done him.

I came in front of the door and for an instant it passed me for the head the idea to escape away and not to pass sooner or later anymore for that place but so much I would have had to face the situation and Patrick.

I turned the handle and the door it opened, therefore Patrick had to be himself/herself/themselves to the inside.

«Permission! Is Patrick, here?»

My teacher immediately arrived in the saletta; you/he/she held some photos.

«It feels happy, finally. I was ordering your last job and I hoped for so much that you gave to withdraw him/it.»

I felt me very nervous but also he didn't seem calm considering that he/she quickly spoke to me and with the lowered look.

«I thank you Patrick, you didn't have to disturb you.»

«Imagine, you/he/she has been a pleasure. Forgive me for the other day, I didn't want to be discourteous but you/he/she has been stronger than me. I hope for you understands me.»

«Certain but the fact is that I didn't wait me for him. I/you/they have come here for speaking of it.»

I fixed for a moment the floor, then his/her eyes.

«What intentions you have?»

«How that intentions I have?» he/she asked me almost stunned by my question.

«I like to go crazy, when I see you I don't understand anything and I feel an uncontrollable attraction toward of you.»

«You are sincere?»

«As I could joke with you!»

«I don't know what to do. I try a lot of attraction toward of you but I don't believe to be able to say to love you.»

«It is normal, it Feels happy. We don't know very well each other. We have always spoken of photos, colors, layings and never of ourselves. I would like to try to be with you, there earth a lot.»

«I am not sure Patrick, and then thing would say the people? A girl that goes out with a man, his/her teacher moreover. I immediately would be classified as one few of good person and I would surely give a big sorrow to my parents.»

«If for you it is a problem, we could frequent us of hidden, at least for some time, so we will see if we get along and if our history can work.» it told me approaching himself/herself/itself to me.

«I don't know. The ams afraid.»

Patrick fixed me and without saying nothing it gave me another of his/her overwhelming kisses. This time I didn't withdraw me, I followed his/her movements and his/her passion. In that precise instant I had decided.

By now more time I spent to the study of Patrick that to house. Besides being taken by the relationship that I had begun with him, I had to prepare with Laura an exposure of photos that on Sundays would be held in the principal plaza of the city. We had to select the most beautiful and representative photos among an endless range of jobs that you/they had prepared the students of the course. The theme of the show concerned the city and its inhabitants, therefore it was necessary to only choose the images that more they mirrored the in demand characteristics.

Patrick had submitted this assignment to me and proper Laura because there were separate for cleverness during the last course held by him.

«It won't be to choose effortless among these photos.»

«Not to despair Laura, among some Patrick will arrive and will help us.»

«For me it is a big responsibility to make this selection. I am afraid to make a blame to someone and the last thing that I want to the world it is to create me some enemies!»

«As you are exaggerated. All the people that these jobs have prepared know to have made excellent photos but they also know that some will be discarded because it is not possible to show her all. Probably we will also discard of it of ours.»

In the meantime Patrick had arrived, bringing with itself containing boxes the last photos to select.

«How the job proceeds?»

«Benone but it is not simple. And then Laura fears to make to become rabid someone having to eliminate some of these jobs.»

«Not to worry you Laura. If they will only pick her/it up with me, because I should be me to do that job. The fact is that I don't have a lot of time and I blindly trust your tastes.»

«You have too trust!» it said Laura.

Patrick tenderly embraced me and gave me a kiss on the neck.

I still tried some embarrassment in front of Laura, even if Stephen and she were the only ones to know about our history. You/they had sustained me since the beginning and they tried to understand me in all the ways.

More times I found me to think about Patrick, to reflect on the relationship that was among us, but I always reached the conclusion that, at least on my behalf, it was not true love. I certainly loved him, I was infatuated perhaps, but he/she anchors him today I am convinced it treated above all of physical attraction. Only one look of his made me climb the desire to the brain.

It was oddly a warm day. In the city there was not a thread of air, the sun was bright and the warm saliva from the asphalt of the plaza.

We had exposed the photos on big panels that had been prepared then along the whole plaza. We had had to work until late the preceding evening because we were undecided on some jobs to expose. Patrick and Laura liked some, while I preferred others of it. After having discussed for quite a lot minutes, considering that we didn't put of accord there, Patrick had advised to expose all of them, so, following the votes given by the visitors, we would have been able to ascertain who had justly judged those photos.

People started to arrive; they immediately gave a fast glance, you/he/she seemed they feared not to succeed in seeing all the jobs, then they returned to the beginning of the" crossed" that we had conceived and they looked with more attention, perhaps also with the hope of recognizing himself/herself/themselves in some image.

It was amusing to observe the attitude of the people in front of a show that they could personally concern. Some of them, blocked even the eyes, when they recognized him in a photo, even in positions or expressions that didn't even dream him to have been able" to interpret", then they were brought a hand to the mouth, they smiled and they started to make comments with the first person that you/they found again nearby him.

Crowd increased and I finally flowed my parents.

Unusually dressed sporting, dark glasses to protect himself/herself/themselves from the rays of the sun, hand in the hand, they drew near to my table. When they saw me they greeted me with the hand and a tender smile, making to understand me that you/they would be passed by me after having made a turn of the show.

Despite you/they had not immediately accepted and appreciated my hobby, above all my father, my parents he was thrilling for my jobs and my mother, even you/he/she had picked up, and filed all the works, as it defined her her, that I had created up to that moment, in elegant albums, to be able to show to whoever it entered our house. They were both fierce ones of me but my father it kept on insisting so that I found a more concrete street for a sure future. You/he/she had remained of the idea that I would have had to think about a degree or perlomeno to an university diploma and to keep on cultivating, however, the passion for the photo. He had also realized that I was brought for that activity and I had a lot of talent but you/he/she would never have seen her how a real job. Frankly when discussions rose respect this activity, my father it had the power to make to rise me thousand doubts; I was very impassioned and did I give all myself but did it sincerely make me reach the point to ask me: I will succeed to way of living making photos? And if a day I grew weary me? Or if, did nobody still give me job worse?

I always finished that squabbles with atrocious worries that ploughed me the mind.

My father, didn't have perhaps all the blames. I would have been able to enroll me in the university however and to keep on making photos, so I would have satisfied both him and me.

But thing I could choose? Every whenever I found me to think about thing I would inevitably have done in the life an answer it didn't rise.

I felt me very lost and disenchanted, because I remembered me that from small he always day-dreamed on the future that we would have had to face, on thing we would have liked to do, and we were always ready with thousand answers.

Account I have become, instead, that reality is well different. In few they have the fortune to decide whether to do and to succeed above all in doing him/it. The most greater part of the people adjust him to" to choose" what the destiny proposes, for idleness to decide or for fear not to be able to find nient'altro.

I didn't want to find again me in front of a similar situation.

I desired to reach the point to say: I want this and I will do this. But the nature, is known, it is stepmother and it always reserves us disagreeable revelations, that he/she punctually introduces us in the least opportune moments.

The show turned at the end. We had received the compliments of all the visitors but above all of Patrick that, every whenever someone made him notice that it was a good teacher and it had as pupils of the" small geniuses", he turned verse me and Laura and it said:

«It is not my worth. They are good of nature!»

That day I had surprised more times Patrick to stare at me and me, simply reciprocated his tender and irresistible look with a smile for fear to give way to the people that were around us to draw hasty and malignant conclusions. Even you/he/she was stopped once between me and Laura, and you/he/she had told her:

«You have to tell your friend that is stupendous and I has an awful desire to be with her!».

Then verse of me was turned with an expression of amazement as to say" I had not seen you"!. Laura, sneered continuously naturally for the wisecracks of Patrick and the poor Stephen, it didn't do anything else other than to lift the eyes to the sky and to shake the head as to look for an answer that didn't arrive.

You/he/she had been a splendid day, very amusing, but unfortunately it didn't have to finish so well as starts.

I felt me to the sudden very tired, the people around me they had some unknown faces that I didn't succeed in putting to fire, a sudden heat invaded me and climbed me to the head.

I warned a family ticking as a hammer that it beat on an anvil; I looked around me to try to find the person that was using the hammer but a vain excuse and a miserable hope it was alone.

A terrible headache struck me to the temples and I was forced to bring me the hands to the head and to press with all the strength that I had.

Laura was puzzled from my behavior:

«Thing happens you it Feels happy? Are you badly?»

I didn't have the strength to answer. I bent me on the legs trying to hide the head the more possible with the braccias but everything was useless.

My parents came also.

«Thing you have it Feels happy? Answer me please!» it was the voice of my mother and I found the strength to answer her.

«This hammer makes me go crazy!! The head is bursting me!.»

It was the promptness of Patrick to save the situation.

«I immediately bring her to the first aid!» It is in an instant it lifted me between his/her braccias and him it directed toward his/her auto launching a last look to my parents.

«If you want to come with us, hurry you!»

My father took the arm of my mother and practically dragged her/it up to the auto of Patrick, which had already abandoned me on the anterior seat in the meantime and you/he/she was closing the safety belt, while I didn't succeed in tearing off the hands from the head.

We finally departed, with Laura and Stephen to the succession.

That few kilometers that separated me from the hospital it seemed they didn't have to end anymore.

I vaguely remember Patrick that cursed toward the other motorists, even though keeping the usual calm, my father that invited him/it to go stronger while my mother told him to go plain and to watch out for the traffic.

We crossed the gate of the hospital as a missile and in an instant Patrick it went down from the auto, the safety belt removed from me and took me in arm. I was welcomed in the hospital by a rather young physician and by three nurses.

Patrick abandoned me on a stretcher and in an instant he/she explained thing to the physician you/he/she was happened.

«Of accord, however you have here now to go out from. Arrange out you in the saletta. Thanks.»

I remember that tossed me on that bunk as I was prey to a crisis of abstinence. I felt the physician that did me some questions, the nurses that you/they spoke to me, but the only thing that I succeeded in howling with all of my strength was:

«I have badly to the head! You breaks!»

They gave me a shot, I believe a sedative and the hammer, plain pian, ended to hammer leaving my mind in the most total confusion.

When I awakened me, my mother was shaking me the hand, perhaps some exaggeratedly because I succeeded in warning the pressure of his/her fingers on mine. As I opened the eyes such pressure it increased for an instant for then almost immediately to disappear, because my mother brought him the hands to the face and said:

«Finally! How much you have made me be in punishment!»

«How you are treasure?» It was the voice of my father, however I immediately didn't succeed in understanding from what it departs it originated. It was from the other side of the bed and a hand passed me on the forehead removing me the hair that you/they had leaned on above.

«I am well but I feel me confused. Because they are still in the hospital?»

«The doctor that has welcomed you to the first aid has not succeeded in establishing the origin of your discomfort, therefore he wants to submit you to some examination» my father answered quickly.

«You/he/she has also said to call not it as soon as I/you woke up you» it added my mother.

«Then call you him, so we immediately see thing he/she wants to do of me!» I succeeded in jokingly saying.

My parents smiled and at that time the door opened. It made his/her entry a physician and immediately notaries the strong charm that emanated. It had something of detail that attracted my attention but at that time I didn't understand what.

«It feels happy, this is the physician of whom we have spoken to you» it said my mother.

«Hi it Feels happy. How do you feel yourself?»

«I am some confused but I believe to be well.»

«Of accord. If you are not sorry it, gentlemen, would like to ask some question to your daughter, alone.»

There was an instant of silence, during which my parents exchanged a worrisome glance.

«Because we cannot stay?» he/she quickly asked my mother.

«I would prefer there were not during this kind of interview, because the patients, so many times, they stay very influenced in the answers that have to give if there is some present person. Not worried you: I will put you to the current one of all however.»

«It is all right. We, go then to take a coffee, and to inform your friends» it said my father picking up my mother for hand and literally dragging her/it out of the room.

The physician, that as doctor Smith introduced him, taken the chair next to the window and systematized her/it of side to the bed, so that I/you could see well it.

It grasped a biro and it started to write on a cartellina.

«Thing makes doctor?» I asked incuriosita.

«I write your data on this card and then all the answers that you will give to my questions. I want to understand what has happened you and so much to start give me of the you.»

«It is all right.»

«Ivan, my name is Ivan.»

«You have an unusual name.» The almost timidly said.

«In fact I am not Italian. My father is English and my Norwegian mother but practically suit in Italy from when I was two years old.»

I succeeded in understanding, finally, the look and the attraction of that man. It had the features typical of a northern, with deep blue eyes that you/they remembered those a very distant boy. Surely you/he/she had primarily inherited the origins of his/her/their mother and perhaps the color of the hair was that of his/her/their father, rather dark.

«Thing remembers yourself it Feels happy?»

I remained an instant in silence, assembled on the few images that wandered me in the mind.

«It seems me to remember that I was me to the photographic show, then the head has started to ache me.»

«How it hurt you?»

«Sembrava.sembrava the noise of a hammer that is beaten.»

«And then?»

«Then the head has started to hurt me, I believe here, above the temples» And I touched me with the hands the point that I had described.

«There you felt only pain?»

«It seems me of yes.»

«Also your friends have said that you pressed the hands in that point.»

I remained an instant to think; I didn't remember none of my friends in front of me while I had been feeling badly. Perhaps realized Ivan what I was thinking and quickly it said:

«You/he/she has been your teacher Patrick to bring you here. There were also a boy and a girl and you/they have said to have assisted to the whole scene. Perhaps you were suffering so so much that you don't have of certain minded their presence.»

It was possible, because I had solo a vague memory of someone that lifted me of weight and it made me sit on an auto.

«You have warned other times these pains?»

«To dir truth has not been the first time. You/he/she has also happened in past to feel this kind of hammer but an instant lasted and only I attributed him/it to a normal headache.»

«You have never talked to a physician of it?»

The face of Ivan did him darker and serious.

«No, because as I have told you I thought they were simple sharp pains of headache, even due to the study, to the warm one, to the stress.»

Ivan started to write something, very quickly, as if it feared to be able to skip some particular or to make an important word be escaped.

«I will submit you to some examinations and specific visits, so much you will remain here for a couple of days. I go to call your parents, so I will inform them about thing I have intention to do.»

The physician got up but I didn't give him the time to reach the handle of the door and I called him/it back.

«You excuse me. excuse Ivan. Do you believe can have something serious? Some strange illness?»

«I don't know what to tell for now you, Feels happy. We say that for the time being you/he/she can treat him of anything; we don't hold anything yet and therefore I am not able to make a diagnosis. You are calm, however. You/he/she could be also a simple headache.» After having mentioned a tender smile it went out of the room leaving me prey to the panic.

And if I/you had had an incurable illness? Or a tumor? Or some damned curse rained by the sky?

I brought me the covers until under the chin, as if I/you had been cold and I thought about the fact that I owed also prepare me to the worse.

At that time it entered the room Laura, immediately followed by Stephen and Patrick.

Laura he launched verse of me and, after is sat him on the bed and to have taken me the hands among his, began to storm me of questions.

«Oh Feels happy! How are you? Do you still have badly? Has thing told you the doctor? Thing.»

«Cries her/it Laura! If you continue so you will again hurt her/it star!» Stephen intervened.

«How you hear yourself sweetness?» he/she asked Patrick.

«Very better. I also wanted to thank you. You/they have told me that you have been you to bring me to the hospital. Thanks of heart.»

«Imagine. I have done my duty and then you/he/she would have done him whoever.»

«It is not true Patrick. You have been the only one that has succeeded in reacting. Laura and I didn't know and didn't succeed in understanding what was happening but you have maintained the cold blood and you have assisted her» he/she specified Stephen.

«Not to exaggerate! However I was very worried and I didn't know what you/he/she was happening. Has thing told you the physician?»

«He/she wants to hold here me for a couple of days, then it will submit me to some examinations to understand what has happened me. I am some worried.»

«Because it Feels happy? Has you/he/she told you something the doctor?» he/she asked Laura.

«Nothing of specific but I have to prepare me to anything. You/he/she could treat him of a simple headache, or of something more serious.»

Patrick drew near to the bed, it bent him on me and it gave me a tender kiss on the forehead.

«Not to worry you. We will be you to us near.»

«Thanks of heart.»

«Oh Feels happy! I don't succeed in thinking that you can have some ugly illness!» it said Laura with the eyes full of tears.

«Stop her/it Laura! Nobody has said that it Feels happy it is sick. It is only a hypothesis, we hope remote» Stephen hissed her/it.

They stayed in my company for about a hour, until when doctor Smith recommended them to go home, so I would have been able to rest some.

My friends were hardly gone out of the room they made their entry my parents. They seemed me sad, tired. I asked them thing they had and, considering that my mother didn't do anything else other than to whine, was my father to answer me.

«Some are alone worried and then know your mother: enough a foolishness and her bursts in tears immediately! However we have already taken all the appointments for the specialistic sights together with doctor Smith. It is a good person, I believe, and surely we are in good hands.»

«I also believe him/it me.»

They were still some with me, then I was me to send them home, begging them, however, not to abandon me in that hospital and to do visits later me the day.

I don't know how much time I remained to fix the ceiling with thousand thoughts that wandered me for the head.

For the first time I became me account than life is fragile.

The two past days in the hospital had emotionally destroyed me; I had not gotten used to be firm in a bed for the most greater part of the time without doing nothing and then I had assumed a waxen complexion, typical of the people that are dams in dark and unhealthy places.

You/they were already spent some days from when I had been low but I didn't feel like going out. Did I always have a fixed thought that flashed me in the mind, that it tormented me, that he/she left me perplexed: thing would have happened me?

Did I see the most important scenes of my brief existence again continually, as for fear to forget her and did I always set me the same question: thing I would have been able to do in the life if I/you had not had to meet me with an ugly illness?

I didn't become me account that, however, I didn't have anything, nobody had been diagnosed me with serious illness, but I already thought about the worse.

Fortunately I was always surrounded by my friends that practically they were almost established in my house. My parents were very happy of this, because they made him account than I was down and than ditches, worried above all.

An evening Laura, while we were speaking of the school that turned by now at the end, it told me:

«I have decided to follow the road chosen by Stephen; I will enroll me in the institute of physical education and I want to become a good teacher of gymnastics.»

«Compliment Laura! At least you you have the clear ideas. I don't even know if I will succeed in arriving at the end of the year.»

«Cries Feels happy her/it! I am fed up with to feel to speak to you as a poor martyr. You are not sick, you don't have anything, they are all your ideas and it is now that take back yourself and you restart to conduct a normal life. I cannot see you this way. A vegetable seems me!»

I stayed without words. I had never seen become rabid Laura so, even on the occasion of a quarrel with Stephen. It had the blocked eyes, it tightened the fists and I feared you/he/she could slap me from a moment to the other. After all it didn't have all the blames. I had to return to live, to make my choices, any pits my destiny.

I got up me standing and I embraced him.

«Thanks Laura. I don't know what I would do without you.»

«The friends serve for this.»

I felt better already me and I proposed to Laura to go to take a walk, despite pits already dark. It accepted with a lot of enthusiasm, I/you had not even promised her a meeting with his/her preferred actor.

After so many sleepless nights, that evening I almost immediately fell asleep me, without nightmares and ugly dreams to persecute me.

It was a splendid day, the sun was a lot of heat and after a fresh shower I had an abundant breakfast.

My parents were already gone out, therefore definite that would have chosen alone the university faculty that I would have frequented.

The discourses of Laura had made me come the desire to study, to do something of concrete in the life, to become someone.

I started to skim through a volume that listed all the faculties of this world but I didn't succeed in detaining me on none of them; I looked for something that attracted me particularly but it seemed I didn't have to find her/it. I thought about the suggestions of my parents but their ideas they didn't thrill me a lot of; for them I would have had to choose jurisprudence or letters but also medicine. I didn't see us nothing interesting, or better, anybody they didn't give me stimulus.

That day, however, my attention was really captured by the faculty of medicine; I started to read the presentation, the subjects and I felt me almost involved in first person. Did I warn the impulse to immediately enroll me but because?

I reflected an instant and the answer it came unwillingly some.

Simple: I was too worried for my health and at that time I would also have given anything to know how I was really.

Did I remain for quite a lot time to fix out of the window, did I think about the advantages and the against that faculty, did I wonder me then: I will make her/it?

It is not simple and I cannot afford to take the lightly thing.

More they flowed the minutes and more I was convinced.

I had decided, the faculty of medicine I would have enrolled to, so I would have made immensely happy also my parents.

I would have studied very hard and I would have given all myself in every thing that I would have done, whatever pits my destiny.

The odor of the hospitals had always given me bother but that day I didn't even take care of for an instant of it; my parents and I attended to be received by doctor Smith to know the results of the examinations that had been done me.

I was rather nervous and in fact I didn't succeed in being session on that chair for more than three minutes; I had gotten ready to the worse and, when the first evening I had told him/it my parents, my mother you/he/she had bursted in tears and you/he/she had embraced me strong, while my father, worried more perhaps about me, you/he/she had simply said that you/they would always have been me near and that also they was to prepare to feel you any diagnoses.

A woman fondly held in arm his/her child, you/he/she swung him/it and you/he/she gave tender kisses on his forehead; you/he/she was reassuring him/it in sight of a medical visit and his/her child you/he/she appeared very calm among the maternal braccias. You felt to the sure one and it didn't fear anything because it was with his/her mother.

At that time also I would have liked to be serene, calm, as among the braccias of a mother, but unfortunately, unlike that child, I perfectly understood thing happened around me and the embrace of a dear person would not have been enough for to frighten the give me.

Doctor Smith was writing on some sheets but, not as soon as the nurse made us arrange in his/her study and saw us enter, you/he/she immediately got up from his/her armchair and you/he/she came us meeting, reaching out for everybody and three.

«Well arrived. Hi it Feels happy, as are you?»

«There is not badly, thanks.»

We sat there on comfortable black armchairs, similar to that of Ivan but slightly smaller. The study was very comforting, it gave a sense of heat and calm; you/he/she was furnished with a lot of taste, in ancient style, and to my opinion it perfectly mirrored the personality of the physician.

On a wall it was suspended a press raffigurante" The sunflowers" of Van Gogh, while on that opposite it fixed us a self-portrait of the painter.

There was an instant of silence among us, then Ivan lifted the eyes from my clinical briefcase and aimed them at mine.

Its look was serious and penetrating and didn't promise anything of good person.

«I have here all the results of the examinations. Considering that by now I believe to have become your friend I hold necessary not to make so many turns of words and to directly go to the firm ground.»

It looked me with tenderness, then he turned toward my parents, then again toward me.

«I regret it Feels happy, but we have individualized a dark stain in your head, in the right part above the temple.»

The breath died me in throat.

My mother threw out of the bag the handkerchief and started to sob; my father shook me the hand to make to understand me that they were present also them and that you/they would always have been him/it, then that terrible instant was interrupted by the words of Ivan.

«I beg you not to shake you, you/he/she could be void serious.»

«I/you/he/she explain better us, doctor Smith, the situation of it Feels happy» my father intervened.

«We are not of it certain yet but we think you deal with a tumor form to the brain. We will have to make some special examinations to understand if it deals with a tumor and, if it is him/it, above all if it is asportabile.»

The voice of Ivan came far me from; while he/she was speaking, I relived some fragments of my existence, I saw in front of the eyes you imagine that didn't remember to have lived, I saw even the day of the degree.

The world was collapsing me I set. I kept me on asking the why of that misfortune; I was young, beautiful, intelligent, I loved my pastimes and the people that were around me, I had just decided thing to do in expectancy and now, instead, a terrible mazzata went down from the sky to break all of my dreams.

The voice of my father brought me to the reality.

«It feels happy, you have to be strong. We will make all the checks and the possible visits of this world, we will go in any hospital and from any physician can take care, however you have to be strong and to think that you are able and you have to recover!»

My father had never spoken to me so; I was moved me and I could not do to less less than burst in tears. I threw the braccias to his neck and I received a strong and reassuring embrace.

My mother looked us with the eyes full of desperation, while Ivan was forced to assist to a really agonizing scene.

After some minutes we recomposed there and we excused there with the doctor that showed him, however, very comprehensive and solidale with us.

We took accords to start the other examinations, then decided Ivan that of there twos days at the most you/he/she would have made me hospitalize again in the hospital. Seeing me some puzzled told me:

«We don't have to waste time, it Feels happy. More they spend the minutes, the hours, the days and more yours badly, always if it is him/it, you/he/she can worsen. We have to pick him/it up in time, anything it is.»

I didn't have other choice, it was about to start a long ordeal.

For the first time in my life I saw Laura stay without words.

I hardly returned home from the visit near the study of Ivan I called Laura because I needed to express my fear and my worries to a person similar to me, that he/she knew everything about me and that you/he/she would have been able to help me.

«It is not possible, it Feels happy, there is surely an error. Cannot have a tumor to the head! You are so young, so beautiful. you macaws my best friend!»

«Perhaps it is not a tumor, Lauras, are not sick perhaps. I have to still make some examinations.»

«It feels happy, remembered that in every case we will be always us you near, even if I don't succeed in believing that can have happened to you.»

«I thank you Stephen.»

My two friends were not given peace; that news had upset their existence how much mine.

Laura looked out of the window as if you/he/she had been attracted out there by something; Stephen was sat next to me the lowered look.

Everything to a line Laura he turned verse of me, it came nearby me, he/she embraced me, he/she took me the hands in his.

«He/she listens it Feels happy: you will recover badly surely from this ugly, therefore we don't have to be sad and depressed. We have to think about the future that attends us, to thing we want to do in the life.»

Laura had a great will power; an instant first seemed on the edge of a hysterical crisis, now it was the calmest person of this world. What it had of marvelously beautiful it was the fact that succeeded in transmitting everything this to me.

«Laura I don't know him/it, the whole world is collapsing me I set. I had just decided thing to do after the maturity and it looks what happens me!»

«Calmed, you don't have to do this way. You have to continue to go on to your life, to make your choices, nothing can prevent you from it!»

«Even pits so but I have an ugly presentiment.»

«Is right Laura! You have to react, to fight, to live as if nothing had not happened!» it added Stephen.

«You are perhaps right. If I started me thinking continuosly about on what could happen me, more than two days I would not last.»

«Good Feels happy! You do as me and Stephen, enroll yourself in the university, to a course, to something that you like and that you would like to do for the whole life!»

«Me, really, I had taken a decision, some days ago.»

«Thing you would have decided to do?» he/she asked Laura with curiosity.

«I want to enroll me in medicine.»

It was a particularly fresh evening, there was a strange nebbiolina along the road. It was already spring but me, perhaps for the first time, I didn't succeed in warning the awakening, the heat, the rebirth of the nature.

Patrick was very silent; he/she caressed me the hair with a lot of care, it gave me tender kisses on the forehead, while I held me hold to him, as if I feared that you/he/she could disappear from a moment to the other.

We were in his/her study, sat on the soft couch of blue velvet, where we were found again others directed to speak there, to play, to stuzzicarci.Ci we were found there because I felt like seeing my jobs again, his/her photos, and because I felt that that passion would never have died inside of me. I loved to make photos immortalize the things that struck me and they transmitted me something.

I would have done him for the whole life, also only as pastime. There was not a moment in which I didn't thank Patrick for what had taught me and transmitted.

That evening we decided to see us, alone, because the next day I would be due to go to the hospital and I didn't sincerely know when I would be gone out of it.

«I don't succeed in believing us yet, it Feels happy. Because really to you?»

«Not to ask you nothing, Patrick. Is happening and enough. We only hope how hard for few.»

«You are very brave, I admire a lot you.»

I felt a strong feeling toward Patrick, I would not have sworn pits love. I admired him/it, I adored him/it, I loved him, but I didn't believe to love him/it. It was anymore a friend and a confidante that it turned him into intimate lover but never in true love.

Also he loved me but I believes that also for him he treated more than friendship and of physical attraction that of other.

Despite there was no true love between us we were together very well, we understood there and we compensated there. Just that evening I succeeded in understanding that it is not necessary that there is for strength true love among two people to do yes that these get along in all the senses. It is enough to feel himself/herself/themselves satisfied and inclusive, without strong sentimental involvements.

Patrick and I were so, two bosom friend that respected him and they were loved, however that evening abandoned us equally to our desires, ready to give everything of ourselves, for a last time.

Here it is, had returned.

Now however I knew him/it.

I knew who was.

This time was more delicate, light, it seemed anymore a tinkling, however unbearable.

I brought me the hand to the right temple and I started to press. Now pain lasted more slightly.

I held the closed eyes, with the hope that passed more to the quick one, but I opened them because I felt someone enter the room.

It was Ivan and it brought with itself my clinical briefcase.

«It hurts, does it Feel happy?»

«By now not more because I know that I have to cohabit with him.»

«You are convinced to have a tumor, true?»

«Yes, until someone it won't tell me the contrary one.»

«I admire a lot you, you are brave and flood of life.»

«Ivan, prays you, you make the part of the doctor, now, and tell me what you have to tell me.»

«You don't want to wait for your parents?»

«No, I want to be also strong alone, without the help of anybody. I pray you.»

I grabbed on me with all the strength to the sheet of the bed and I started to tighten.

Ivan seemed he/she wanted to take time and from his/her behavior I deduced of it that would not have been able to deny what I thought.

«I have all the results of the analyses here. I have made them do more than once. I regret it Feels happy: you have a tumor.»

Who knows because but I waited for that answer.

Ivan had the eyes full of bitterness. You/he/she would not have liked to give me that news but unfortunately you/he/she was touched to him.

It drew near to my bed and the hand tightened me.

«You would regret to embrace me, doctor?»

«Imagine, it is a pleasure.»

It had the strong and reassuring braccias and among that friendly hold I started to pour my tears of desperation.

The only hope that still made to go on my family was the fact that, perhaps, the tumor was benign, even if it owed to be removed however.

My mother was visibly tried, you/he/she kept on repeating that she didn't succeed in believing that that misfortune had struck really its only creature. It reacted only thanks to my father that kept her on remembering that, really because I was their only daughter, it was necessary that I had their support and their help and not the their sadness.

They spent a lot of time with me; I didn't remember to have spent a whole day with them from a long time.

That afternoon we were at our home because Ivan had granted me a couple of days of liberty.

We didn't do nothing of detail but him it was together well. In my head he/she bothered me, however, a thought: perhaps my mother and my father feared that I could not do her/it, so they looked for of more possible time to pass with me, tasting that instants up to the last one, as a gulp of water remained in the fund of a bottle in a sultry day.

To the sudden one it attacked me a thought; I thought about my photos and all of my jobs done in the last months. I reflected an instant, then I reached the conclusion that I had not gone off to my parents anymore than the photos, or however in them company. The first times were practically my guinea-pigs, I used them as you model or you sprout for some jobs of mine, but I had ever thought about realizing a whole photographic service on my family.

I proposed them my idea that, it thrilled a lot oddly them. They didn't generally love to make to be photographed because they said not to be photogenic. According to me, instead they were two good models, beautiful and expressive.

I was happy to hold again my beloved photographic car, a simple gadget that transmitted me, however, strong emotions and indescribable satisfactions.

I had been born for going off photos, to immortalize the people and the things, to leave a sign of my personality and what they saw my eyes.

While I was taking back my parents, now in romantic layings, now in joky layings, a sad thought ran over me: the love for the photographic car had perhaps been a sign of the destiny, an opportunity given me by God to do yes that I left something of me on this world, not only a memory of the memory but a memory to be looked, to admire, to love.

It was already by now dark.

The days had lengthened, my parents had gone in bed hardly, when someone knocked to the door slightly making me start.

I bewared of the spioncino of the door. It was Patrick.

I did him/it enter and I immediately noticed on his/her face an unhappy expression.

«Thing there is Patrick? Has something happened? Are you badly?»

«No, I am well. And you?»

«As usual.»

«Excuse me for the time but I absolutely had to speak to you this evening.»

We sat there on the couch after I had taken from the refrigerator two cans of juice of fruit.

«It feels happy, you are me missed very and you don't know how much coop suffering for your situation. He/she anchors I don't succeed in believing that can be happened to you.»

It made a break, the can that held in hand looked, then again my eyes.

«That afternoon, when I have seen you for earth that you howled for the pain, I have felt lost, impotent, then something dev'essere gone off inside of me because I have immediately understood thing I had to do. Really at that time I believe to have understood to love you to try something serious toward of you. You/he/she has been a strange feeling, ever tried, perhaps because I have never fallen in love first.»

«Oh Patrick.»

«I beg you not to say anything. I believe, or I feel better, that you are not in love of me, you love me and I physically attract you but it is not true love. I don't do a guilt of it, because we have been clear since the beginning and we didn't want sentimental involvements. We always have and only thought about being together well and to amuse more us but nothing.»

I listened to his/her words that went out of the mouth as a fall; you/he/she had perhaps prepared that discourse for times and times because it was not from him to speak to so sincere and deep way.

I begged him/it to continue.

«I didn't want to fall in love me of you but I believe has been inevitable. I am convinced that with the time, perhaps, also you would have been able to try something for me deeper than the simple friendship but this is another discourse. It is better so.»

«Because you say this way?»

«Because I have to depart it Feels happy and I would not like to make to suffer as you you are already doing him/it.»

«To depart? Where do you go Patrick?»

«You/they have offered me an uproarious job, a photographic service around for the world, an experience irripetibile. One of those occasions that an only time is introduced in the life!»

I believe that the face me he illuminated.

«Is fantastic! I am very proud of you! You absolutely have to go, you cannot lose a similar opportunity.»

«I would not like to depart.»

«Because? Are you crazy?»

«In this moment I would like to be you near day and night but at the same time I don't succeed in bearing the idea that you have such a terrible evil. I would like to be able to bring you with me!»

Patrick was visibly shaken by my situation; it seemed he/she didn't even know him thing to do.

«Patrick, is not able. I have to take care of me, even if I immediately would come with you since.»

He/she took me the hands among his.

«I would come with you because, perhaps, also I, start to try something for you but I don't want to delude two anybody; they are in a situation in which I cannot dream, to make promises, to fall in love me, because I don't even know if I will succeed in arriving at the end of the year.»

«Not to say this way, you will make her/it. The thought, however, to leave here you and to go around for the world destroys me.»

«You have to depart! You have to go to do an uproarious job. All will admire you, they will be fierce of your photos, me for first.»

He/she embraced so strongly me to get away the breath.

«How I do, does it Feel happy?»

«You make the suitcases and parts. Not him ripresenterà another occasion as this.»

«I don't succeed there!»

«Owe! When you will have ended this job you will give to find me so I can congratulate you of person, always if you won't be climbed on too much your head!»

«You are unique.»

It gave me a kiss on the cheek.

«Of accord, I will depart, but remembered that I do only it for you. I want you to be proud of me.»

«I will be him/it.»

We embraced again there for a long instant; we kissed us, with a lot of sweetness, then I let him/it go away.

A great dream he was about to realize.

The objective always pursued by Patrick was about to materialize himself/herself/themselves.

The nature, is not always after all cruel with its children.

Ivan was very calm, I didn't know more than emotions to try. It was already everything ready for the operation.

Ivan had granted me a few days in more before making to operate me because I wanted to graduate me and then to submit me to the intervention.

I had asked if it were possible because I feared not to wake up me more from the anesthesia and not to be able to sustain the maturity.

Laura is sat on the green poltroncina next to the door, Stephen the hand fondly held her, my mother continued to caress me the forehead, my father she talked to the doctor Smith of what you/they would have done me in the operating room.

Some minutes had had the opportunity of knowing the teacher that would have operated me; you/he/she had immediately appeared me as a kind man, sweet, almost fatherly. It was about fifty years old, the grizzled hair slightly and a thin short beard framed him the face. He/she remained with us few minutes because it owed get ready himself/herself/themselves for the intervention.

There was a lot of tension in the room. Perhaps the calmest I was really me.

They gave me a shot that slightly stunned me; I felt me serene, calm and the eyes were made heavy.

Two nurses they abandoned me on a sedan and me concessero some second to greet my family and my friends.

«Good luck, treasure» my mother whispered me.

«We will wait you here. You see to do soon!» it added Laura.

«I will do better than mine» I answered and while they were bringing away me I succeeded in perceiving in the corridor, with the tail of the eye, a family face that however didn't put to fire because my eyelids were closed and they didn't allow me to see other.

It seemed a warm day, I raced in a beautiful field bloomed in which butterflies of every sort of color flew.

I wore a candid white suit, long until under the knees, while loose hair hovered him in the air to every footstep of mine.

I seemed happy. I sometimes braked my run and I stopped me to gather a flower to feel its perfume.

To the border of the field there were my parents that greeted me with the hand; it seemed they wanted to call me but me I was too much happy to be in that magnificent lawn and I didn't lend them interest.

To the sudden one Laura that told me to go to my parents that were waiting me appeared.

I answered her that I wanted to keep on racing, that I felt well me this way.

You begged me to return back but me, as if I/you had not even heard her, I restarted to race until scomparii from their sight.

I had been being already unconsciously alarm clock for quite a lot time.

The sweet smile of my mother was the first thing that I saw.

In the room there were the same people that I had seen before putting to sleep me and in last an enormous vase of roses redheads next to the window.

Laura fell next to the bed and the hand took me.

«Well returned among us. Didn't you want to wake up you anymore?» he/she asked me.

«No, the fact is that I slept so well! I have also made a dream some strange and there were also naturally you.»

«I also watch you when you sleep!»

It was a magnificent friend. It was always me near and he/she succeeded in giving me the position in front of any situation. It suffered a lot for my condition, but it tried not to give to see him/it for fear to influence too much me.

At that time Laura seemed me very happier than the preceding moments, oddly happy.

I was about to ask her motive for that whole joy when in the room Ivan entered, followed by the teacher that you/he/she had effected the intervention.

They drew near to my bed, one for part.

«How you feel yourself it Feels happy?» he/she asked Ivan.

«I would say rather well.»

«You warn some particular symptom?» it continued the teacher.

«It doesn't seem me, but I am still perhaps some dormant.»

«Of accord. We will pass from you this evening. Now rested. We want to talk an instant to your parents, if you are not sorry» it said Ivan.

«Imagine! Portals also street, so they distract him some.»

«See you later.»

«Good-bye.»

They went out of the room followed by my parents.

Laura quickly drew near to the bed and sat him on the chair to my left.

Stephen, arranged instead him on the other chair next to the window, with in hand a newspaper. Before devoting himself/herself/themselves to the reading, however, it confided me:

«You don't know how much in punishment have been for you. Moreover I have also had to bear Laura and you/he/she have not been quite simple. How minimum you will have to pay me a supper for what has made me pass!»

«You are always the usual one, bad!» Laura attacked him/it for then to disclose me a small secret.

«What I/you/he/she remain among us but me I have not seen so down never Stephen and worried for a person. Does he/she love you, do you know it Feels happy?»

«I believe it and also me him I want of it. You are mine dearrest friends.»

All of a sudden my attention was captured by the red roses; Laura noticed the way according to which I stared at her and it mentioned a smile.

«Thing there is Laura? You are particularly happy today or you have something to tell me.»

«Because? Does thing do you him to think?»

«I know you and enough.»

«You are right but I smiled only because you have noticed that flowers.»

I noticed that Stephen had closed the newspaper and you/he/she was looking us.

«From where they arrive?»

«Oh it Feels happy, you would never believe it!»

«Thing has happened? Who has brought them?»

«I didn't want to tell you nothing until I/you was not gone out of the hospital but I am afraid that I won't succeed in holding back me.»

«Before, Laura, tell me everything!» I implored her/it.

Stephen got up and drew near to the bed.

«Then you want to tell me thing, is happening?»

«It feels happy, hold yourself strong. Mark has returned.»

The breath died me in throat.

«Thing?» I succeeded in whispering with a thread of voice, while I was recovering me completely from the state of seeds irresponsibility in which I found me.

«You, Feels happy, you/he/she has returned and you/he/she has been him to bring that flowers» Stephen informed me.

«It is not possible, I don't succeed in believing us.»

At that time I became me account that I had almost forgotten the love that I had tried and perhaps I still tried for Mark. A lot of time had passed from when he had departed for America; surely you/he/she was changed, even it was engaged and his was only is a gesture of courtesy.

«When you/he/she has returned?» I asked.

«You/he/she has arrived in the city yesterday morning» Stephen answered.

«Because I have not known anything? He/she didn't perhaps want to tell me him.»

«No, you are wrong you, he/she wanted to make you a surprise. I was to the current one of his/her arrival but I have not told you nothing because you/he/she had asked me him him. You/he/she has arrived there hardly we are seen and you/he/she has wanted to know everything about you, above all if you were with someone.»

«You have told him of Patrick?»

«I have mentioned him the thing but I have also told him that Patrick has departed and that you were not together.»

«You have done well, Stephen, thanks.»

«Really I didn't want to tell him nothing because it didn't seem me correct to put the nose in your business but I swear you that Mark has forced me to tell him everything!»

«I believe you, you are calm.»

Laura was visibly excited by the situation.

«Oh, Feel happy, as I am happy for you! We have returned together the friends of before, all and four. Hurray!»

«Calmed Laura, or you will disturb the whole hospital!» the resumptions Stephen.

«Speak to me of him, Stephen» I still asked incredulous.

«It would not be better I saw him/it you of person? He has a lot of desire to see again you.»

«Also me but tell me something, I pray you.»

«Of accord. We see from where I can start.»

While Stephen looked for the words, I felt that my heart was bursting of joy. I didn't succeed in believing that I would have seen Mark again, my great love, and I was not even sincerely able to imagine as you/he/she would be been able to happen the meeting.

«Mark has returned forever in Italy, he won't leave again anymore. You/he/she is changed, according to me it is very mature for his/her age but it is always however our old Mark. It is ahead a lot with the studies of engineering, you/he/she has confided me to want to leave without words his/her father and to graduate shortly time. It is a good person, as always of however.»

I didn't succeed in imagining him/it, perhaps with the time some I had forgotten of his/her sweet face.

«It is engaged?» I asked with some hesitation and embarrassment.

«No, it Feels happy. You/he/she has said that you/he/she has had some histories but of little importance. You/he/she has never succeeded in falling in love himself/herself/themselves and I am sure that has also returned for this. For you.»

I didn't succeed in believing in the words of Stephen.

Was it able a so strong but young love as you/he/she had been ours to withstand despite the distance and the time?

To the sudden one I felt like seeing Mark, I wanted him/it there, in that room next to my bed.

«When I can see him/it» I asked to Stephen.

«If there is no problem, it would come tomorrow here morning.»

«It would be fantastic.»

«I have not told you a thing, it Feels happy. Mark is asunder for what has happened you. When I have told him him you/he/she has gone to crisis, he/she didn't want to believe us. You/he/she has been very shaken but I believe that not as soon as he/she will see him to you it will realize that doesn't have motive to be worried anymore.»

«Poor Mark. However we hope for you is right as it regards my health.»

«Stop to tell her/it nonsense! You are well and you have ended to suffer!» sbottò Laura.

I hoped gladly for it, because at that time I felt that another dream he was about to concretize.

Ivan and the teacher had told that the operation had been all right; I would still have been a couple of days in the hospital and subsequently you/they would have allowed me to return to my usual life.

That morning I felt me flood of strength, of life and I felt like restarting to be myself.

My parents arrived very soon; they didn't succeed in being me distant for quite a lot time.

My mother had repurchased the usual colored and you/he/she had returned to dress as before impeccably himself/herself/themselves. In the preceding days some was allowed to go and he/she didn't think very to thing he inserted I set.

Also my father was better and you/he/she had lost that eternity air worried that you/he/she had characterized him/it for that whole time.

After two hours that were with I begged them to me to return him of it to house, so much I was well and the only thought that after less forty-eight times I would be gone out of the hospital it made me happier.

Before they went, I called my mother.

«You have known, mother?»

You softly smiled.

«I know him/it, Mark has returned. I am happy for you, it Feels happy. I know that today it will come to find you.»

«How you know everything?»

«You/he/she has come from us last night. It is really beautiful, first!» it said my mother with malicious air, while my father mentioned a smile not to break that so confidential moment between mother and daughter.

I greeted them and I started to think about the fact that Mark had been at my home. Because? Perhaps simply to have my news and to greet my parents.

I was not anymore by now in the skin, I had too desire to see him/it again but at the same time I feared that our meeting would have been a disaster. Who knows.

Laura entered the room as a lightning and I was forced to remember her that we were not to my house but in a hospital. You justified telling me that he/she cannot wait to assist to the moment in which I would have met Mark.

«I saw him/it, Feel happy! It is a true Adone!»

«Not to exaggerate, Laura! And then remembered that you have Stephen and you cannot afford to do too many compliments.»

«I know him/it, but of Mark is not jealous.»

«By the way: where Stephen is?»

«It is under with Mark. You/they are arriving.»

The heart started to beat me strong, as if I/you had just faced a long run.

I tried to calm me, not to make to take me from the emotion, but it was everything useless because the pulsations increased in the moment which he entered in the room.

We looked at there for endless once.

I didn't succeed to dir nothing so much I felt me abducted from that indescribable image.

It drew near to the bed with a lot of boldness; it was sure of itself but that situation he/she left him/it some interdict.

«Hi it Feels happy.»

«Hi Mark, doesn't succeed in believing us.»

We so tenderly embraced there to arouse the emotion in our friends.

I would not be more me wanted to detach from those strong braccias that softly encircled me.

«You are me missed tremendously.»

«Also you.»

We looked at there in the eyes and we didn't succeed in dissuading the look anymore. For us it didn't exist around anymore anything, we was alone there two.

«Tell me as you are.»

«I feel very well me, despite has suffered a rather delicate intervention. And you?»

«Very well, now that see you.»

«You sees that you are well.»

We looked again at there for some instant, under the had a good time eyes and happy to Laura and Stephen.

We spoke for the whole afternoon, also after our friends had gone.

We didn't know anything the one of the other because it had been being for a lot of time that we didn't write us and however it was not the same thing to directly talk to a person and to read his/her letters. So many times it is not possible to write some things, as what for example tries him in the depth of the heart.

Mark was changed but you/he/she had succeeded in preserving that sweet air and that kind attitude that had always characterized him/it. You/he/she was grown and it had a notable physicist, also because it made a lot of sport.

You/he/she had changed the cut of the hair; it slightly brought now them shorter and it tried to hold back them. Its eyes abducted me as you/they had already made once and if I fixed him/it for more than five seconds I was lost.

I realized to be still or again in love of him, to want to always be with him not to want out others of him.

To the sudden one it stopped speaking, it looked me fixed in the eyes and it told me:

«It feels happy, it is so much time that I want to do something and I don't succeed anymore now in holding back me.»

It got up from the chair and him it folded up verse of me.

«Excuse me but I cannot wait anymore.»

«I feared I didn't want him/it» I confessed him.

He/she kissed me with the sweetness of once.

«You are stupendous and I want you a good of the soul!»

«Oh, Mark! You don't know how much happiness you are giving me!»

I didn't succeed in believing yet how same happening; Mark was there, with me, you/he/she had returned for not leaving again anymore, he still wanted me.

Its eyes still succeeded in enchanting me. I didn't remember pits so beautiful and I lavish his/her look. I was sure that from that moment in before I would not have been able to forget him/it anymore.

House sweet house: it is really true.

I had never been so happy to return home as that day. I had to observe only a long period of rest but the thought not to be in the hospital me risollevava the moral one.

You/they had arrived a heap of messages for me; they were for him/it more than friends, schoolmates, some relative, but among the so many one it attracted my attention. It was a letter coming from the foreign countries; it brought a very particular postage stamp, raffigurante an Egyptian statue and I deduced of it that had to arrive from warm Egypt. I opened him with a lot of curiosity, even if I had some suspicion on who the sender could be.

And in fact it dealt with Patrick. In the letter he/she wrote that it was found in Egypt, marvelous earth from the thousand secret. It was had to stop a couple of weeks for then to continue the trip toward the center of Africa and subsequently in east. He/she asked me news on the health and it begged me to answer him as soon as possible because it suffered a lot for me. It was very tender and altruist, perhaps for this he/she succeeded very well in his/her job.

In the envelope there were also two photos: one withdrew Patrick in front of the pyramids of Giza, the other one it represented a desert landscape to the sunset, a stupendous and indescribable show that Patrick however you/he/she had succeeded in immortalizing with his/her photographic car capturing the magic and the emotions that it aroused of it.

In the letter he/she asked me to make to have him as soon as possible my news, therefore I intended me to answer him the same evening, at the most the day later.

I felt very well me that day; it was a warm summer day, the birds chirrupped in garden while the rays of the sun pleasantly heated the air.

I was tasting and absorbing the benefits of that afternoon when I heard the voice of Laura.

«Not to tire too much you! Seem me you coop some on that I lay down!» it howled while it was entering garden.

«The doctor has prescribed me absolute rest and me I am following his/her suggestions to the letter» I answered her from under the ombrellone.

«Apart the jokes, are you well?»

«I would say of yes. It is a stupendous day and me I want to enjoy after all her until. You that you serve as these parts?»

«I/you/they are given for seeing if you were still long live and to make you a proposal.»

«We feel what you have in mind this time.»

«Nothing eccentric. I wanted to organize one weekend to the sea, you, me, Stephen and Mark. What do you say of it?»

«Would be splendid! When?»

«We could also depart this weekend, give only me the time to find a hotel.»

«But not to joke! I will ask the keys of the house to my parents to the sea, so much this year we have not gone there yet.»

«Creeds that will leave her/it? It would be a true convenience.»

«I will ask him/it this evening to my father, as soon as it reenters from the job.»

«Perfect! Is go suffered to bake Stephen.»

«Laura, does thing say Mark?»

«In that sense?»

«In all the senses! I believe that you talk a lot to Stephen, both of me and of the whole rest. What impression has you/he/she done you?»

«An alone: it is cooked of you and he/she doesn't want to lose you anymore!»

«We hope. I don't succeed in believing yet that has returned. I love him and I would not like to lose him/it for any reason to the world anymore.»

«Won't happen. We see us this evening.»

«Of accord, I wait you here.»

Laura always had a ready idea, a proposal, a solution; I had realized that had suffered badly for mine and it tried not to do me more to think about all of this that I had had to bear.

Unfortunately, however, soon our roads would be divided. We had chosen two different schools, therefore we would have been forced to see us very less. Our friendship, however, was strong and nothing would have divided us, not even thousand street kilometers.

That evening, before going out with Laura, I wanted to answer to the letter of Patrick; I put everything of my appointment to write two sheets of paper but at the end I was satisfied of the result.

I looked for of mielosa not to be too but however I wrote that it missed me terribly and above all that I felt the lack of his/her joy and his/her jobs.

For the time being definite that would not have said him nothing respect to Mark but I intended me to do him/it in the next letter.

I wrote him of Laura and Stephen, of my family and of the intervention. I told him what time you/he/she could be calm, the worse you/he/she was passed and I was well. I had to make to understand him, to convince him/it, that if he/she thought too much about my situation it risked to make himself/herself/themselves influence on the job.

I wanted that he/she succeeded in realizing some marvelous and unforgettable photos, worthy of his/her style and of his/her personality. I was sure that a true artist would have become, appreciated all over the world and esteemed by the colleagues.

I also wrote him that I had enrolled in the faculty of medicine and that, later what had happened me, I would have undertaken with all myself to graduate me and to become a good physician, without abandoning, however, the passion for the photo; I would never have been able to abandon her/it, both because by now it belonged to my life, both because it tied me to an exceptional person as it was him.

I very simply concluded the letter, with the usual regards and kisses, begging to write not it me as soon as you/he/she had been him possible and asking to send him me, if for him it was not a trouble, some photo of the trip, so I would have been able to keep on learning from him.

Laura introduced him to house my prestissimo, in fact I still had to end to dress me and to have breakfast; therefore I invited her/it to make me company considering that in the hurry you/he/she was forgotten to eat.

My parents still slept and I didn't absolutely want to disturb them; you/they had granted me the use of the house to the sea without making histories, rather they seemed enthusiastic, perhaps because they desired that I became distracted me the more possible after what had happened and especially in sight of the university, for which had said theirs that I would have given all myself.

We quickly had breakfast because Laura was not in the skin anymore; he/she cannot wait to reach the sea, to cause trouble in the beach and therefore to let Stephen to despair. Poor boy! It bore her in everything and for everything, however it was not to become angry effortless with Laura, because anything did it was for her a fun and accordingly it made happy also us.

We took the backpacks after having checked that there pits everything and we went out finding Stephen and Mark that waited us in auto.

Having departed rather soon we didn't find traffic and we reached the sea that the sun was already warm. We decided to systematize first our stuff to house, to do some spends and then to devote us soul and body to the beach.

Entered house I immediately warned a sense of comfort and peace; that house had always had the power to infuse me calm, perhaps because it was in front of the sea and for me nothing it didn't exist of naturally more fascinating than that endless expanse of water.

«Where we systematize there?» it was the first question of Laura.

«I would say to make to sleep the boys in the room of the guests, while I and you will sleep in mine» I answered her.

Laura looked me with amazed air. «Thing you say it Feels happy? Is there some problem?» he/she asked me with worried air.

I could not hold back a laughter.

«Accursed! Take around me!» and it started to run after me for the whole living room.

When it ended the pursuit, I made to arrange Laura and Stephen in the room of the guests, while Mark brought our backpacks in my room.

I was excited, I could not hide him/it; I would have spent two days and two nights beside Mark. Had never happened and I wanted pits everything special and unforgettable. You/he/she would have been enough for me to be embraced to him, to feel the pulsations of his/her heart and to speak the whole night. I didn't ask nient'altro. I wanted to make to understand him how much me was missed, how much I loved him and, if possible, to try to perceive the love that said to try for me.

It is simple to tell a person" I love you"," I love you", but it is not as many easy to succeed to" to feel" certain feelings. It is marvelous to reach a point and to say" I am very well because I feel to be beloved."

We went to the beach with the least necessary, with the idea to spend one afternoon to splash about in the water, to relax us and to play with the sand as his/her/their children.

Laura and I wore both a bikini and a short suit with the shoulder strap and also the boys were dressed in similar way, they had both one swimming pool custom that it reached half thigh and a simple shirt with the short sleeves.

We stretched the towels the nearest possible to the water, to be more comforts to make the bath and not to suffer too much the afternoon heat.

The most greater part of the people, above all the families, to that time they withdrew him because the sun was more heat and it was to burn effortless. We, in fact, sprinkled there abundantly of protective cream because we didn't have any intention to take us an insolation and in more we also placed a big red ombrellone.

We didn't withstand quite a lot under to the sun; we plunged there all and four in sea and we began an amusing" battle of spray." We ran after there on the waterline, Laura it looked for of" to drown" Stephen in the attempt to climb on his shoulders, Mark it bathed sott'acqua and without making to be seen he/she took me for the ankles with the intention to make to fall me.

We had a good time just as of his/her/their children.

When we reached the point to feel bursts us and deprived of strengths, we laid down there on the towels, ready to absorb all the bright rays. At that time I put me to admire Mark. It had a perfect physicist, athletic, well proportionate; hair reverted back him to the, the skin it was all sprinkled of droplets of water. It was immovable under the sun, but also not doing anything succeeded in instigating in me a tumult of emotions. I stared at him/it for a few minutes, then he hastened. It mentioned a smile, verse of itself threw me and gave me a tender salted kiss.

«I love you, it Feels happy.»

«Also me Mark.»

After having eaten some sandwiches and drunk some can of fresh drinks, definite that the moment had come to go off some photos.

Laura had forgotten to bring his/her photographic car, therefore it implored me to go off some photos to his/her Stephen, in different layings, so you/he/she would have carpeted the walls of his/her room that for her they were too much sad and bare.

I made some releases telling them as to put on in laying, whether to look, thing to do, then definite that the photos would have come better if the attitudes had been spontaneous. I said theirs that could do what they wanted, so when less if they waited for him/it I went off, immortalizing amusing and natural moments.

Also Laura wanted to make some photo, so I lent her the car. You/he/she had become very good also her, therefore I left her/it to him to use very gladly.

We almost stayed in the beach until to the sunset.

After having picked up our things, we went to take a shower to house.

While the boys were washed Laura and I we prepared the supper. We had opted for a dish of pasta to the tomato and as ice cream as dessert.

We were worn-out but the joy of that moment threw us on moral and he/she didn't leave us the time to think about the rest.

While is being sat to table we noticed that our skin was rather red but we was not burnt there thanks to the escort of protective cream that my mother had recommended me to bring. To that thought I phoned her. I wanted only to tell her that we were well and everything went for the best. The phone call, in fact, lasted few second, however I was already better, because, knowing her/it, I didn't want that it was in thought for other two days.

Before going to sleep we took a walk. To that time there was around a lot of people for the lanes of the historical center, therefore I proposed to go for a stroll in that zone, considering that it was found really behind house.

The streets and the shops were illuminated; the streets were rich of shops of gift articles, florists, but also inns recanti the insignia" local typical kitchen." Laura didn't even save to Stephen a shop of attire.

«Looks that beautiful suit Stephen! Would it be me according to you well?»

«Laura I don't know him/it, you should try him/it.»

«And that sweater?»

«It is nice.»

Laura became in front of the showcases of the boutiques crazy, while his/her poor man boy didn't show a lot of interest but you/he/she didn't say anything not to give her sorrow. Behaved too well in his/her comparisons!

To the I improvise the attention of Mark you/he/she was captured by a big glass door poorly illuminated. The hand pushed me making to understand me to stop me. I looked with him and I was really stricken: the showcase was full wedge of many colored objects of glass from the varied forms and dimensions. I had never seen Mark so attracted by something. Kept on saying «Looks at that that beautiful! And also that nearby! And that there after all!», until definite to enter the shop.

Laura and Stephen followed us, also them parties to the commodity, but above all incuriositi from the attitude of Mark.

The shop was really delicious; not very great but taken care of and characteristic. To his/her inside there were quite a lot tavolini and shelves on all the walls on which the objects of glass were exposed. To the center of the ceiling an attractive chandelier of drops of glass that transmitted a slim blue light hung.

It came us meeting a gentleman, very separate and to the good one that said to look at his/her commodity, because it was for being admired there and not necessarily bought.

We stayed in that shop for about twenty minutes, until Mark it chose a delicious red rose, naturally sort in glass, and it handed me her.

«He/she doesn't want that I/you/he/she wrap her/it to him?» he/she asked the merchant.

«No, thanks. I want that my girl handed her/it in hand because so its beauty will jump even more» Mark answered.

I felt me some in embarrassment but I was very happy about the gesture of Mark

Stephen noticed the dreamy air of Laura to the sight of that scene, therefore you/he/she chose a little animal, I believe a rabbit, and you/he/she handed him/it to his/her girl

«You also want you to bring him/it in hand?»

«So it will make to jump my animal nature!» it said Laura and to his/her wisecrack we started all to laugh, inclusive merchant.

Going out I told Mark:

«I thank you, you/he/she has been a gesture a lot of dessert.»

«Imagine, you/he/she has not been anything in comparison to what I try for you».

Every time that told me sentences of the kind left me without words and seemed don't appreciate him of it the meaning because I didn't know really thing to answer him.

We walked until after all to the historical center, for then to continue on the waterfront. We stopped there in a cafe to the open one to drink a fresh drink and we spoke of as the life it was beautiful and relaxing in that place. We felt well there, we didn't have thoughts that upset us, we were two couples that were wanted well and they didn't ask other from the life.

The moon reflected him on the sea studded of innumerable boats of fishermen; there was not a breath of wind and in distance he/she was heard the music of a pianist that played, surely, in a plain cafe.

I was very well, with myself and with my friends. At that time I felt me satisfied and I realized as the life you/he/she can be beautiful if it is satisfied us with simple and spontaneous things.

I was tasting that instants up to the last drop, trying to draw its most greater benefit.

All of a sudden Laura got up from the chair.

«I would say that the time has come to reenter. Stephen is putting to sleep on the chair and I would not like you/he/she did as many once arrived home.»

«But Laura!» I whispered her.

«Will repent of what have said! I won't make you sleep for the whole night and troubles to you if you try to close only also an eye» it beat Stephen.

«I cannot wait to spend a sleepless night!» Laura responded.

«It doesn't have all the blames!» it said Mark.

«Because, do you have intention not to make to sleep me?» I asked him.

«Some that no. To sleep is a loss of time and us we have to already recover so many lost days.»

«If you put her/it on this plan, they agree.»

So we started homeward there, caring for hand, joking, singing, making us the spites, running after us without thinking about the fact that would not be been able anymore to happen.

When I opened the eyes, Mark was fixing me.

«Thing there is?»

«I was admiring you. You are stupendous, also when you sleep.»

«Thanks but you are more interesting. This night I have looked you for some and I have to say that don't be no evil. I didn't succeed in taking sleep to the thought to have next to me a boy as you anymore.»

«You could wake up me!»

«It will be for next time!»

From the light that it entered the room I understood that it was very slow.

«What time it is?»

«They are almost the eleven. We have slept a beautiful po'.»

«We were also very tired.»

«You, above all after this night.»

«It is your guilt it Feels happy, you make me a strange effect!»

It gave me a kiss on the forehead and he/she embraced me. I would have been so for the whole day, for the rest of my days.

The two days we passed that stayed us thinking only about having a good time us: beach, walks, frozen, you sleep. We played as children and with his/her/their children, we squirted there the water and we covered there of sand.

I still remember the moment in which Mark took me by the hand, you/he/she dragged me in the water up to you/he/she stuffed to cover the legs, then he stopped.

«I wanted to tell you a thing, in peace and away from all.»

«Tell me Mark.»

«I wanted to tell you that I love you and that I don't want to lose you.»

«Oh Mark, also I love gladly you!»

I embraced him/it and he whispered me a sweet thing to the ear:

«I would like to get married you, one day.»

I stayed to open mouth and the eyes they were filled me with tears.

«You say seriously?» I stammered.

«Certain! When we will have ended the studies and found a job, I will come to your house and in front of your parents I will ask your hand. Thing you tell me?»

«I tell you of yes, since now!»

We stayed embraced for I don't know how much time.

I finally felt me beloved and I also felt to try true love toward someone.

The first snowfall had caught us one Saturday morning of December.

I was spellbound in front of the show that the nature was offering; memory that since child I stayed imbambolata looking at the snow because I didn't succeed in explaining me that natural phenomenon. Wadding seemed me that the whole landscape covered for having been protecting him/it for the cold and every time my father it drew near to me, he/she took me on its knees and it tried to make to understand me because there was out there everything white.

I stayed for of the hours with the attached face to the window to look at that delicate bows that went down from the sky and they uniformly covered everything.

The most amusing moment, however, was when I could finally go out in garden and to build a snowman, helped by my parents that didn't lose the occasion to also amuse him some them and even to also improvise a battle of balls of snow.

That moments were very beautiful because we seemed three contemporaries that only try to have a good time him, without thinking about the fact that comes once to house there would have been his/her mother to wait us ready to scold us because we were wet and we risked of buscarci an illness.

That morning I stayed for around a quarter of now to look out of the window. I tried to follow the run of the bows of snow; I chose one of them and I tried to see him/it up to that it touched earth, but every time I lost him/it sight because they were too much rents and they quickly alternated him in front of my eyes. The level of the snow salivates rapidly while the landscape became an only thing.

My parents were in kitchen and my mother as every time that the time was ugly, it made comments.

«It is beautiful when it snows, however the roads become dangerous. It needs to watch out and to go plain, both in car and afoot» you/he/she was explaining to my father that, knowing her/it, he/she nodded with the head holding however the look on the newspaper.

«Good morning Feels happy.»

«Good morning but.' Buon giorno pa'.»

«You have seen how it snows? You could take advantage to go off two photos of it» it said my mother.

«In effects I was thinking there. Even this afternoon, because now I would like to study some» I answered.

«With all the snow that is going down, you will have to make the photos of it of time» it said my father.

«You are right and then today I should see me with Laura.»

«How it is? It is some time that I don't see her/it» churches my mother.

«It is well. I have felt her last night and you/he/she has said that it is some taken by the study but he/she doesn't want to exaggerate!»

Indeed Laura he was applying a lot in the new school and you/he/she had confided me not to want to give disappointments to his/her parents and Stephen. It had serious intentions and I didn't recognize almost anymore sincerely her.

Also I was applying a lot me and I had taken seriously university, thought as.

My parents were happy and they didn't lose occasion to remember him/it to me.

«You sees that Laura wants to hold your footstep in the study and to take example from you» it said my father.

«I don't believe but even if it was so it would do me a lot of favor.»

I passed the closed forenoon in room on the books, giving every now and then one peered at out of the window.

Snow kept on persistently falling, then, toward midday, it calmed down and in the first afternoon the timid rays of sun already filtered through the clouds. The landscape was bright and the eyes labored to look at that show.

I could not lose an occasion as that, therefore I phoned Laura and I proposed her to go to make some release, so we could spend some time together making the things that we liked.

I passed later from her around mezz'ora and, oddly I already found her/it ready on the door of house that waited me.

We exchanged there two kisses of regard and we began to turn for the city.

We didn't have a default subject, as usual, but we photographed what more it struck us: a tree folded up by the snow, a birdie infreddolito on the edge of a frozen fountain, the roofs of the houses. We also made some photos to us same.

We passed to the cafe to drink something of heat and we met Mark and Stephen. We were frozen and we asked them to transmit us some heat; it was only an excuse to be embraced.

After having drunk, we invited the boys to come with us. They didn't seem very interested but Laura convinced them.

We went to the park and Stephen non lost time to begin a battle of balls of snow; it struck Laura in full forehead and it started to race toward Mark telling him that you/he/she had caused the third world war and him you/he/she would have had to help him/it against the enemy. In effects Laura was very irritated for that gesture but at the end he convinced that it was only a game. We ran after there for the park trying to strike us with the balls of snow but few hits they went to sign.

We stopped there next to the fountain of the park, with the fiatone, worn-out and sweaty. The sun was tramontando, therefore we decided to reenter to house, also because the rullinis were ended.

While I was walking I started to hear in distance, or at least so it seemed me the pulsation of a hammer. I immediately didn't become me account from where it originated, then, the pulsation did little by little, more and more him slow, until it disappeared in my head.

«You have not felt a strange noise?» I asked the others.

«What noise?» Laura asked me.

«Type a hammer that beats on an anvil.»

«It doesn't seem me. And you?»

«No» they made echo Mark and Stephen.

«It will be my imagination» concluded.

To the sudden one a light headache struck me to the right temple and the heart me he stopped.

«No! Risiamo, cannot be there!» I thought.

Seeing me, pale Mark perhaps, looked me fixed in the eyes.

«Thing you have it Feels happy? Don't be well?» he/she asked me.

I hesitated an instant before answering him.

«I don't know him/it, I have some headache» I answered him touching the point where I had been operated.

Noticing my worried look, Mark tightened me to itself.

«No, it Feels happy, you don't even have to think him/it. You simply have headache, because you have raced, you have gotten tired and you have probably caught some ball of snow in head. You are very well!» it almost said Mark shouting and with the blocked eyes.

«You are perhaps right you. I have exaggerated some today. It will be better that I/you/he/she go to rest me. Do we see us this evening to the cafe, ok?»

«I beg me, rested. You already miss me, treasure» Mark told me in an ear giving me a tender kiss.

I greeted Laura and Stephen and I remained of accord with my friend that I would be given to call her/it after supper to go out with the boys.

«It is all right it Feels happy but are you sure to be well?»

«You are calm. It is right Mark: I am alone gotten tired some. We see us this evening; I feel like having a good time me!» I told her.

I greeted all with the hand and while I was entering house I thought: God, prays you, do what another time doesn't happen!

We had had to bear a very rigid winter.

A lot of snow and anchor it was fallen toward the first days of the month of April the hills around the city you are bleached.

In the lawns, even though to work, it was begun to glimpse the first erbetta, while the sky started to be again cheered by the flight of the birds.

The days he was lengthening and the sun was pleasantly warm, despite we had still had to assist to the spring rains.

To the morning, when I went out for going me to the university, the air it was still fresh but bearable because in every case we approached us to the beautiful season and you/he/she had returned the desire of walks and days to the open one.

Unfortunately I didn't have a lot of time to devote to the relaxation because I spent times and times on the books. Some times, even they were my parents to invite some house to go out me, because they saw that I always studied. They didn't perhaps understand of it the motive but me I was me appointed of the precise objectives and above all I had remained impressed by what had happened me around one year before.

They had almost cancelled that memory by the memory, or they preferred not to remember him/it however, because I had noticed that they never spoke of it or if he reached the discourse they tried to change matter.

I, didn't succeed instead in doing, as them, however the university, Mark, the photo and the friends distracted me for the most greater part of the time and therefore, I didn't sometimes think it.

And then, there was really him, Mark, that was source of life reason to exist for me. One day didn't pass without I thought about the good that I wanted him; we had wasted so much time and we wanted to recover him/it to all the costs.

We were in love and I would have given anything to be able to spend the whole life close to him.

My parents had insisted so much to accompany me, even if I had said theirs that was not the case.

Doctor Smith had fixed me an appointment for that Thursdays afternoon, therefore is mother that dad had abdicated half day of job to assist me in the usual visit of control.

I had repeated them more times that Mark and Laura would have accompanied me but you/they had not wanted sentir you reason.

«In certain moments we prefer to be you near, even if it is a simple visit. We have suffered the punishments of the hell last year and we also know how much you could have suffered you, therefore we don't want to leave you alone, even in these cases» my mother was justified.

Hardly joints to the study of Ivan, the secretary very cordially greeted us and made us arrange in the room of aspect.

I started to unwillingly skim through a magazine of trips and at that time I thought to how much pleasant to organize a vacation with Mark in some tropical heaven forgotten by everybody would have been.

The voice of Ivan brought me with the feet for earth.

«Good morning gentlemen, hi it Feels happy.»

«Hi Ivan.»

I immediately noticed the empty expression and almost absent of his/her face.

It was not happy and witty as the other times, rather it seemed rather serious, and worried, as if something tormented him/it.

It made us arrange in the study; he/she sat him on his/her armchair with the cross hands under the chin and after one timecourse that seemed me endless, been decided to speak.

«Mr., it Feels happy, I/you/they have always been sincere very with you and The have never tried to divert to problem making I know many turns of words.»

«Ivan we know him/it and we appreciate a lot it» I told him, while anxiety started to attack me.

«Very well.» It made a break, the voice cleared him and after having looked straight me in the eyes, started over speaking.

«I have here the reports of the last visit that you/he/she has been done you and, there are not doubtful unfortunately. It feels happy, I regret a lot but, despite doesn't succeed in explaining me as can have happened, you have again a tumor to the head.»

It said all of this with a lot of coldness and without taking breath between a word and the other, perhaps not to risk to jam.

I immediately didn't understand the meaning of those words; I looked at him/it in face, then I looked at my parents that in the meantime you/they were holding me for hand, until I succeeded in opening mouth.

«Thing?»

«I didn't succeed in even not believing us I, have made to refer the analyses three times, but the result has always been that. You don't know how much I am sorry.»

«As you/he/she is been able to happen?»

«Has happened and it doesn't have nothing to do with the intervention of last year. That has perhaps been a warning.»

I was disorientated, another time, and I hoped to wake up again me from that ugly dream from a moment to the other.

«You have not felt any pain in these days?» Ivan asked me.

«Nothing of detail. no, it waits. Some days ago I have warned a light headache, really here where I had been operated. I have immediately gotten scared but then I have attributed that pain to the fact that I was legionary from a long run in the snow and I had gotten tired too much» I answered with naïve air.

«Certain, you could not think that it was a bell of alarm» it said Ivan.

My mother's cheeks he was bathing of tears, while my father was massaged the face with the hands, to hide what was perhaps trying.

I remained without words, I didn't know thing anymore to think.

As it was possible? I had all of this that a person can desire, I was beloved, I knew what I wanted to do of my life and, for the second time, my castle collapsed and was undone to my feet.

You give my eyes they started to go out the first tears, warm, salty, hot.

My mother embraced me, my father supported me a hand on the head caressing me the hair.

Ivan had to assist for another turns to an agonizing scene, however it was in silence and it respected our pain.

It drew near to me as soon as my mother freed me from his/her desperate embrace and took me the hands.

«It feels happy, you are strong, not to do this way. We will try to take care of you, to do the possible one.»

«Because, Ivan, because you say that you will try to take care of me?»

It tried to lower the look but I forced him/it to look me in the eyes.

«Because this time is harder, it Feels happy.»

«Thing you intend to say? I don't understand you!»

My parents were embraced and for an instant I thought that I would have had to thank to have accompanied me to them and to have shared with me that tragic moment.

«This time the tumor can be malignant and not asportabile.»

The nothing fell me I set.

The destiny has wanted so, therefore there is not anything to be done.

Stretched on the bed, the shutters and the window opened wide for making to enter those that could be the last rays of sun that will heat me the face, the notebook on the legs, I/you/they have reached the conclusion of the story of my brief life.

The desk is submerged as always of books and clipboard, because, despite everything, I have decided not to abandon what I was me preset to get from this existence; I will keep on studying, until I will have the strength to turn the pages and, if God will want him/it, I will also succeed in graduating me.

You, because it is not correct to abandon his/her own ambitions for the simple fact what someone has put us to the current one of the moment in which our heart could stop beating.

I will live day for day as if it were the last, I will undertake me in every thing that I will do, I will give all myself to whom will be around me and above all I will never think about the fact that, among so many people, an incurable illness has chosen me.

My parents are not given peace, because they know that they will have to survive to their only daughter; Laura and Stephen are desperate because they don't succeed in believing in what has happened me and every day they hope that has dealt with a joke; Mark is destroyed.

The ugly one of this situation is that the people that love you know that they will have to lose you within a certain time and perhaps this timecourse that not that it is more unbearable that will follow your departure. It is a true torture for them, perhaps more than for me.

The physicians have decreed that, perhaps they will still stay me two years of life, if the tumor will be clement with me.

It is useless to describe the state of depression in which I fell after a news of the kind, because whoever would react in the same way.

I tried to convince me that it dealt with a dream, of a nightmare, that I would wake up after a few minutes, but when I pinched me the skin I heard pain and then I was certain that that pits the reality, pure and simple.

I have tried to be me under some care but when Ivan has put me to the current one of the fact that every attempt would have been vain, I have decided to suspend everything and to leave that my life took its natural course.

I don't want to reach that day as a to be unrecognizable, tried by the cares and by the suffering.

I want to look in face the death with these eyes, to feel the moment in which it will attack me, to make I count me of the instant in which it will tear me from the terrestrial life.

I want to be able to face her/it with my same strengths, always if he/she anchors I will have of it, because I don't want that I/you/he/she catch me as a spider it attacks a poor fly that is fallen in his/her cobweb.

I want to live this life up to the last one, I don't want not to even waste a drop of it.

I have to be myself up to the end of my days, because they will have to remember me for as I was, for that that I was, and not for what I have done or that I would have been able to do.

My photos, my books, all of this that belongs me will help to maintain alive my memory.

I want to leave, above all to whom has loved me and you/he/she has had everything of my possible love, a dessert memory for all of this that I am and I represent, not for that that, I would perhaps be been able to become in a future that I will never go to discover.

Nucetto, November 25 th 1999

### The author

Claudia Semperboni, class 1975, were born to Ceva (CN), but you/he/she is grown to Nucetto. You/he/she has lived for different years to Ormea, for then to definitely move himself/herself/themselves to the beautiful city of Andora, in the Liguria of West. You/he/she has practised kick boxing to competitive level, it loves to ski and to practise sport. He/she adores his/her little nephew Matteo.

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