Of all the questions I get asked about minimalism,
the most common by far is this:
"How do I get my partner, or my spouse on board with minimalism?"
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Well, there are no easy answers to this question.
However, there are three things that I think we can do to help get our spouses on board with owning less,
and they involve the right
words, at the right time, with the right attitude.
First of all, we use the right words.
I find that so many conversations about stuff, and clutter, and possessions, occur when we are frustrated.
We can't find something in the house, the
closet doesn't shut, we can't park in the garage,
the credit card statement shows up
and we open it up.
And out of frustration, we get upset, and we say something like,
"Ugh, I'm just tired of all your stuff around here all the time!"
That is not the right way to have this conversation.
Go out for coffee, have a nice dinner, have
a rational, thoughtful conversation about
what is most important to us as a family,
what do we want to accomplish with our family,
what would we do if we had more money and time and energy?
And start making the case for owning less in a rational way.
Also think through, what might draw them to owning less?
The benefits of owning less that draw you
to the lifestyle might be different than what
would resonate most with them.
So start with the right words.
The second thing is to do this at the right
time.
Look, it is always easier to see everyone
else's clutter than it is to see our own.
But if you're going to start your minimizing journey by getting rid of all of your spouse's stuff first,
I would warn you against it.
That's a big mistake.
Much like I said in the video when talking
about getting rid of kid's things first, it's
actually very unfair.
We need to get rid of own things first.
Handle your side of the closet, handle your garage, handle your side of the office,
your kitchen, your arts and crafts room, your basement, whatever it might be.
Get rid of your things first, and then, when
the time is right, start talking to them about
shared spaces, and minimizing some of their possessions.
So we use the right words, we approach this at the right time,
and third, with the right attitude.
Always, always, motivated out of love.
That we're doing this to better our family,
to better our relationship.
So approach it with love, approach it with
humility, that you're not a perfect person either.
That just because you are being challenged to own less and improve yourself in that way,
doesn't mean that your spouse or partner isn't growing in some other way, and changing for
the positive in some other fashion in their
life.
So we approach it with love and humility,
and third, patience.
We approach this conversation with patience.
I was once speaking at an event in Dallas
where I had a lady stand up in the front row
and she said to me, "Look, I have been trying for five years to get my husband on board
with minimalism.
I've been modeling it, I've been living as
an example."
She said, "Just last week, he came to me and he said, 'You know that minimalism thing you've
been talking about?
I think I'm finally starting to understand
why you do it.'"
I think her story is important because, number one,
I do believe that minimalism wins out in the end.
That the benefits of owning less eventually win out at some point.
But second of all, this doesn't always happen overnight.
Sometimes it takes more than a week, or three months, or even three years, for her it took
five years of living this out before her spouse understood the reasoning behind it.
So as you seek to get your spouse on board with minimalism, no it's not always easy.
But know that when we approach it with the
right words, at the right time, with the right
attitude, we'll be far more successful.
But we lead by example, we model minimalism, we enjoy the benefits in our own life.
We enjoy the benefits that half-minimalism brings to the family, and eventually,
our spouses will come on board, and will be in with you on the journey to own less and live more.
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