 
### In a Loneliness

By Veronica Raise

Copyright 2018 Veronica Raise

Smashwords Edition

License Notes

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### Contents

Chapter 1

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

About the author
Chapter 1
Day 1

When I woke up, Sam was not there with me. Instead of him on a pillow was a lone scarlet rose like the one a velvet and a greeting card attached to it with an inscription "Happy Birthday, Margaret! Come down, we are downstairs." With a sleepy smile, I reached for the flower and accidentally I pricked my ring finger with a sharp thorn. Looking at the blood drop that appeared, I thought it was a bad omen, but I immediately brushed this thought aside and got out of bed — a significant day was waiting for me.

I am thirty-three years today. We arrived in such a place amazing with its beauty, on the occasion of my birthday. The guesthouse was located on the plateau in the middle amazing meadow like a plush so as that dense, juicy-green grass spread over it, and around stood magnificent coniferous forest, behind that grew mountain peaks. We rented it for the weekend.

It was a log building vanilla color with balconies on the second floor and a spacious terrace adjacent to his facade. Through the huge windows, which almost was reaching to the floor, beams of sunlight were breaking into the house. In addition, inside there was an unusual smell of wood — my favorite aroma from childhood, because my father had a carpentry workshop and I spent a lot of time in it.

My mood was delightful. I was waiting for my thirty-third birthday like children, who are waiting for the New Year and write a letter to Santa Claus and them confident that all their wishes necessarily will come true. However, I wanted only one thing — a baby. I have a wonderful husband who I love very much, and it is mutual. He is quite beautiful: brown-eyed brown-haired person with a stunning smile and a figure of Apollo. Maybe I am exaggerating, but I often felt at me envious glances of other girls. In addition, Sam is very carefree, he always knows how to amuse me, and he was life of the party in any society. If I were not sure of his feelings to me, I would surely be terribly jealous.

The only one thing missing in my life is the daughter. I dreamed of getting pregnant many years, but I have not been able. Yet I did not resort to any medical manipulations, hoping on the natural outcome of the event. Besides, deep down I believe that a child is a gift that needs to earned, no more, no less. Nevertheless, other than that, I was very lucky in life, because all the people that I love surround me. It is happiness.

With us came there Kevin — my husband's best friend. Despite the fact that they were friends as kids, were quite different — both in appearance and in character. Kevin unlike Sam, calm, levelheaded, I would even say discreet, very smart and leads a successful IT company. Kevin is much taller than my husband is. He is a fair-haired person with a sharp gaze of gray-blue eyes.

I have known Kevin for five years as long as I am married to Sam, and always loved him as a friend. He has invariably supported me in all of our quarrels with my husband. Fortunately, they were few. One year ago, he married a blonde-haired woman with plump lips and a third breast size, Nancy. She was all of eight years younger than her husband was and all of us. However, that did not stop her to fit in our group of friends, because her adorable smile and big blue eyes did leave indifferent anyone. Everyone just admired her and that was enough.

Besides them with us was my best girlfriend Mia and her boyfriend Nick. A good young man, but with a peculiar sense of humor. He and Mia were a great couple, although they seemed a little crazy. She is chubby with red curly hair, short and well nourished. Nevertheless, not fat. Nick is also red-hair, but he is at least six-foot-four, causing a bit slouching. Besides, he is thin and in profile look like a golf club. Mia and I used to call him "a golf club". I am sure he would be offended at us, but luckily, Nick did not know about it.

As much as I would love to stay in my cozy bed, I had to go in the shower — I cannot keep guests waiting the birthday girl. Although, in fact we all here were guests, except that gifts and greetings today meant for me. Yesterday we were up late, listening to the playing guitar by Kevin. I can endlessly enjoy the sounds of this musical instrument, so many times asked my husband to learn to play the guitar, but he always refused and said that we are enough one bard.

In shower, I habitually sang. When I came out, dried hair and let my hair down. Thereafter, I pulled out of a wooden wardrobe on legs my new turquoise maxi dress. I always knew these shades suits me, successfully contrasting with brown eyes and dark brown hair. I did delicate makeup and looked in the mirror — well, just beautiful! I was sure my husband would appreciate my new outfit.

Our bedroom like everyone else was on the second floor, which connected with first floor by a beautiful oak staircase with carved balusters. When I was coming down the stairs barely touching railing, I imagined myself as a princess, descending into the ballroom.

Stepping over the last stair, I realized that no one was in the living room. Perhaps they are waiting for me in the dining room. Passing beneath the arch separating it from the hall, I saw that it, too, is empty. Only on the table waited for me a beautiful birthday cake with thirty-three burning candles. I looked around. Suddenly, the glass door leading from the kitchen to the terrace opened by a draught and strong gust of wind blew out all the candles except one. I was unpleasant at the sight of a single burning candle.

I went out to the terrace and saw setting table for six people with bottle of champagne in the middle, but nobody was waiting for me here. For a moment, my heart sank from inexplicable anxiety like as from bad feeling, but at this point, I did not attach importance to it. Then I decided they were kidding me and hid somewhere nearby.

I remembered that ten meters from the house was steam bath — the small one-story building made of timber, and I went there. Stopping at the doorway, I warned, "Well, I found you! You will in so much trouble!" and abruptly opened the door. Inside was dark and empty. I found the switch and turned on the light, but there really was nobody there.

I came back outside, closing the door behind me, and started screaming the names of my friends and husband, but no one responded. Their stupid jokes! I felt like a fool in evening dress, who have to run around and look for them. I walked around the house, decided that they were hiding somewhere behind him, but still I did not found anyone.

I suddenly realized Kevin's SUV in which we drove in here yesterday, was also absent in the courtyard. Although the surrounding area can hardly call a yard, because it was not even fenced and consists of a meadow on a mountain plateau, followed by a forest. Here at a distance of tens of kilometers was completely deserted, and the nearest village was thirty kilometers away. Apparently, for this reason, the owners did not build the fence, though why they did not count on the presence of wild animals is not clear. However, that is least of my worries right now.

I thought that they might have gone at the village shop to buy more booze, for example. I was confused only that all together. Nancy and Mia could stay with me. The need to wait for their return seemed to me unfair, but I had no choice. I decided to go up to my bedroom and do not come out until they get here.

Sitting on the bed, I started examining my room. What else I could do to pass the time? The log walls of huge house painted in vanilla color, causing it seemed even more spacious. Our double bed was made of wood, like all the furniture in the house that I saw, with a beautiful carved headboard and with not less than elegant legs. The wardrobe of light olive color with scuffs, for creating the effect of antiquity, stood on legs and perfectly combined with the bed. If not for the TV hanging on the wall, it would seem that I am in the French province of the late nineteenth century. The whole house decorated in like manner. It was in complete harmony with the surrounding nature. "How I wish I had the alike house", I thought.

For many years, I asked my husband to build a house, or at least buy a summer cottage, but he always tried to dissuade me from this idea because he did not like "the wilderness" — as he called peace and quiet. Sam had been feeling the vital need to be in the center of the metropolis, to be where the action is and in the midst of a crowd. Cannot say I was against living in the city, but sometimes I wish to come from noise and smog to a cozy cottage in the woods, and just enjoy the silence. However, to be honest, those impulses did not often happen, and thanks to the unwillingness of the husband to do it, we still lived in the apartment.

I looked at my watch: two hours had passed, but they have yet to return. Of some kind bad feeling crept into my heart. Frankly, I liked less and less their prank. In addition, I was starving so decided to go down to the kitchen to grab some food. I made coffee and a sandwich and then again went out to the terrace.

When I sat down at the served table in solitude, my heart sank. I looked at the empty plates and I could not even take a bite of the sandwich. I felt stupid, sitting alone at the table in the evening dress. I stared out into the distance, towards the woods, and listened for every noise, but I nothing heard except songs of the wind and the rustling of grass. It seemed to me that the mighty pines made fun of my loneliness on such an important day for me, where my life begins a new cycle with a length of twelve months. For a second I felt that ahead of me is not just a cycle, but steep turn...

After some time, I felt chilly and decided to go inside, after all, it was September and I spent in the open air at least an hour. Before leaving, I looked around the empty terrace and returned to the house, closing the door behind me. In the living room, I caught my foot on the hem of my dress and I almost fell over. Then I bailed on everything and went into the bedroom to change.

I angrily unzipped my dress, threw off the festive outfit, took out the usual jeans and hoodie, I pulled back hair in a ponytail and came back to the hall. I sat down on the wide low windowsill. I started looking through the window and wait like a child who left at home alone. My festive mood ruined irrevocably, and I could hardly hold back tears by resentment.

When even the sun began to leaving me, rapidly running away over the horizon, my feeling of resentment for the preposterous jokes replaced by a high anxiety about close people. Now happenings did not seem me a joke, because it was not funny anymore, it was creepy to sit in a huge empty house surrounded by forest. The prospect of spending the night here in alone terrified me, but I was still hoping I would not have to.

When the clock in the drawing room struck nine in the evening, it became clear that most likely they would not come. However, what could have happened to them? What if they had an accident or drove off a cliff? "No, stop, they're all right! Probably just something prevented them from coming back, for example a vehicle breakdown", I said to myself, trying not to fall into despair. Anyway, there are five of them, and I am alone. This thought made me gloomy, but I tried to control myself. The situation compounded by the fact that there was no mobile communication; the ability to call was only in the village. As of all the available benefits of civilization there was water and electricity from solar panels and from wind turbines.

In the end, when the waiting has become meaningless, I had no choice but to close all the doors, draw the curtains and go upstairs. I lay down on the bed without taking off my clothes, and turned on the TV to drown out the frightening silence of my loneliness.

I wanted to cry from realization of my own helplessness. I crawled under the covers and burst into tears. I remember, when I was a child, I was always hiding under a blanket from the fictional ghosts filled my room. Now I was not afraid of ghosts or monsters, but of people, because they do the most terrible things on Earth.

Only currently, I wondered about the reasons for their departure. If they lit the candles on the cake hence they were going to congratulate me, also laid table on the terrace evidences this. They would not have gone to shop to buy some little things, especially all together at a time like this. What if were they scared of something or someone? And they left me here alone? It is unthinkable! I cannot vouch for every one of them, but I am sure my husband would not have left me. I have been avoiding the thought that they died. Besides, there were no signs of violence anywhere, and I did not hear the screams. I would rather not thought about it, since I was terrified of my own reflections.

How good it was in childhood, when enough was cover my face with hands to feel safe. It seemed at this point no one sees me and therefore cannot hurt, as if hands is the magic hat. Right now, the blanket was for me of this magic hat. I so wanted to close my eyes and I wanted saw, opening them in the morning, that everything is as before: a dear husband wakes me with a kiss, Mia with Nancy fussed around the festive table; Nick blowing up balloons in the living room, and Kevin is cook a barbecue. I fell asleep with these thoughts, childishly hoping that tomorrow everything will be exactly like this.
Day 2

When the nightly fog cleared, giving way to the sky to the sun, I felt anxiety so as yesterday's disaster maybe not over... Carefully, without opening my eyes, I ran my hand over the bed sheet to my left, where Sam used to sleep, but he was not there. I felt my blood turn cold and I pulled the blanket up to the top of my head. I refused to believe they did not back.

Suddenly it dawned on me — maybe they got back late last night, my husband did not want to wake me up, and he fell asleep in the living room. Of this thought I abruptly get my blanket off and got out of bed; I went to the balcony to see if in the courtyard Kevin's car. Stepping on cold floor barefoot, I looked around the yard, but his car was nowhere to be seen. However, the inscription on the roof of the bathhouse, which read "Happy Birthday, Margot! Stay here forever..." struck me. After I read it, I jumped back from the railing, as if I electrocuted and ran back into the room, slamming the balcony door. I was shocked by what I saw, the rumble of my heart banged in my temples with a monstrous force — someone was obviously trying to drive me crazy. Certainly, before us there could rest other guests and among them could be the birthday girl named Margaret, but what was meant by the words "Stay here forever..." ? My inner voice told me that the message clearly addressed to me. Nevertheless, no one called me Margot, only Meg.

It removed sleep like an arm and I quickly jumped into the corridor. Stopping for a second, I realized — the house was unbearably quiet, like yesterday. The only thing that came to my mind to go to Mia and Nick. I knocked on the door of their bedroom in the hope that someone will respond, but in reply followed by silence. I froze in confusion at the door, but after a minute, decided to enter without permission. I did not know what exactly I wanted to find there, but I had no other way to figure out what was going on.

Turning the knob and abruptly opening the door, I just stood on the threshold like paralyzed. Their bedroom cleaned, the bed made. At this moment, I thought I hallucinated. I went inside and opened the wardrobe, but it filled with only empty hangers. Even the mirror in the bathroom polished to a sheen, as if nobody checked to into this room. I could not mix up the bedrooms, for sure, Mia and Nick settled next door from us. If now I am not going crazy, so they packed up and took off, leaving me all alone. I could hardly believe in my own conclusions, everything seemed absurd or someone's meanness...

The room of Kevin and Nancy was next. I could not dare to enter; probably I was afraid to see another empty bedroom. I am slow down for a few seconds and finally I gathered the courage and turned the knob. The room been locked. I cried out in horror and rushed downstairs. Having stopping only at the bottom of the ladder, I sat down on it, put my face in my hands and wept bitterly. Bach's music sounded in my head, which is often playing in horror movies.

Because of my very vivid imagination and excessive sensitivity, I have always avoided watching these films, but now it seemed to me that I unwittingly became a character of such a cinema. Or maybe not involuntarily? And someone intentionally left me here alone, knowing that I won't be able to get out of here. Perhaps someone else would be able to come down off the mountain and reach the village, but not me.

The fact is that I have been panicky afraid of heights since childhood and, unfortunately, I have not been able to get rid of my phobia over the years. In so doing I not afraid of flying, to relax in the mountains, I can even climb a tree, but will never be able to come down. As soon as I see a frightening emptiness and a chasm beneath me, I start feeling a wave of dizziness; my body loses balance and pulls me down. The feeling unpleasant. I cannot even approach the fence of a bridge or the edge of the roof. When we used to go up here by car, I tried not to look out the window.

The worst thing is that everyone knew it and anyway left me alone, there is no doubt in my mind about that, unless, I am dreaming. In desperation, I began pinching myself, and shouting, but nothing changed. Therefore, everything occurs in reality. Is the cake with candles, served table for six persons is just a mockery? But for why? My head was spinning. I wanted to know why are loved ones did this to me? Why did Sam not put a stop to their ruthless intent and even he agreed to participate in it? Gradually despair and resentment gave way to great anger at those who left me on my own.

Lost in thought, I suddenly remembered — today is Sunday, which means that soon other guests should arrive. Opportunity to go back home today inspired me and I stood up and decided to have Breakfast, as I have not eaten anything for a day. I went into the kitchen: on the table, there was still a cake that I forgot to put it in the refrigerator yesterday. I forced myself not to throw cake at the wall and I tossed it in the trash. Then I made an omelet and poured a glass of orange juice. I did not want eating in the dining room, so I laid everything on the tray and went back into the living room.

Having finished my lonely meal, I went upstairs to the bedroom to pack my things, with full confidence that today I will leave this house! How surprised I was when I found out that there is no Sam's clothes as well. It is amazing I did not notice it yesterday. That kind of joke could lead to divorce. Had he thought about that? However, strangely, I felt relieved; at least now, I do not need to worry about them. Now I had to take care of myself, and I will deal with them later. I took a shower, then got all my stuff from the closet and slowly put them in her travel bag. One last thing, I looked around the room and went out.

In waiting for the arrival of new guests, I imagined going into my cozy apartment and looking into Sam's eyes, I had conversations with him in my mind, trying to guess what he will come up with in his defense. I was sitting on the couch with my knees-up to my chest, and every minute looked at the clock hanging behind me on the wall. I had impression that the time laughs at me and refuses to bring nearer the hour of my liberation. In the end, my back was numb with fixity; I lay down and started watching the ceiling with a huge crystal chandelier in the center, which shimmered with hundreds of shades in reply to the play of sun rays with her.

When the clock struck two, I felt the anxiety and I started to come to the window periodically, hoping to see someone. At that moment, I felt like a lighthouse Keeper, who peers tired eyes into the vast expanse of the sea that merge with the skyline, trying to make out the silhouette of a floating ship. Unfortunately, the landscape have been no changing behind my window.

I began to recall how we got married and I smiled at my thoughts. We applied for a marriage license a couple of months after we met, saying nothing to anyone. Then we were 28 years old, seemingly we are not young lovers, but our feelings with such force flooded us, that we were determined to live a long happy life together. Do not know how we came up with this, but we celebrated our wedding just the two of us, on the coast. It was our day in all senses. I remember, when we returned and reported friends and relatives about we married, many offended, others called us crazy, and only some were sincerely happy for us. Now, thinking about that, I guess that to leave me alone on my birthday is a stupid the revenge by those whom we are not invited to our wedding. Of course, it sounds funny, but who know what is going on in their heads, in addition Sam always loved foolish pranks. "Well, later I will mock them, it won't be pretty!" I thought.

It is sad that it is getting dark in the mountains so quickly. I have long ceased to be afraid of the dark itself, but it scares me of its suspense still and it makes me gloomy. Morning always brings hope and gives you the opportunity to change something. Conversely, a night takes away it mercilessly, leaving nothing but emptiness. With the sun rising you are born, with the sunset — you die, like all around. The cycle repeats time after time, day after day, until you die lastly, without being able to open your eyes at some point.

When the night spread everywhere like the thick coal foam, throwing the obviousness in my face: nobody came and probably no one is coming in the next few days — the word "never" I deleted from my lexicon, as the most stupid and pointless — I became unbearably sad. The icy wind and the fear of hopelessness broke into my soul. I went out to the terrace and, looking at the so far the served table, I in anger ripped off its tablecloth; dishes fell down with a crash. I felt such a wave of rage, so I began to furiously stomp the pieces and into the void scream the names of those who left me here.

I do not know how long my insanity lasted, but in the end, exhausted, I slid down the wall on the wooden floor and burst into tears. The tears by inexhaustible waterfall have been filling my heart with doom. From the thought that I have to spend at least one more night in an empty, unpopulated house in the middle of the forest, I began to tremble, as if I stood under the chilly November's rain for several hours. To get myself together, or opposite to forget myself, I got up from the cold floor and went to the fridge to take the wine that we brought on the eve.

I am devastated, with a tear-stained face and a bottle in hand came back to the living room and settled on the couch. Whether it was the wine, or tears, I fell into a deep heavy sleep. I dreamt I was standing in the center of a large transparent dome, as if insect that caught by jar. People scurrying around, without noticing me absolutely, as if I am invisible. I try to call them, but they do not hear me, I try to touch with my hand, but the glass prevents me. Suddenly becomes dark, as if someone has put out the light; and slowly, at a time, pass by me Sam, Mia, Nancy with malevolently laughing faces. Each of them giggles spitefully, pointing fingers at me. I sob, bang on the glass, but their laughter only gets louder, louder, louder...
Day 3

I woke up screaming. I leaned on my elbows and glanced around the room; there was no husband, no girlfriend, no Nancy — nobody, and I fell on the pillow hopelessly. Their voices still sounded in my splitting head and my forehead covered with cold sticky sweat. My dream evaporated and left me a disgusting aftertaste of deception, of meanness and treachery. I slowly got up from the sofa and cautiously went to the bathroom to wash away the disgusting feeling of a nightmare and to recover myself.

By every minute spent under the streams of hot water, I was feeling a little easier, my headache was receding and my thoughts were clearing. Suddenly, I realized what is bugging me in this house — it was too luxurious, and certainly built for personal use, without counting on the frequent presence of strangers. Exquisite parquet, expensive furniture made from oak and the harmony of interior of all rooms clearly proves it. Anyone would hardly construct such guesthouse, moreover away from the popular mountain resorts. Rather, the owner was looking for peace and solitude here. Whose house it is, and why did people close to me left me? Today I was determined to find the answers to the questions that tormented me.

Most of all I hate uncertainty, it is scares me and shackle the mind. I prefer clarity and truth, no matter how terrible it may be. Knowing the context of even the most difficult equation, I will be able to solve it. I have long since learned to turn negatives into positives and I do not need a magic wand for it, just an understanding of the essence of what is happening. If someone had told me that I need to stay here indefinitely or even forever, that my husband and friends do this to me from idleness, I wouldn't beat myself up too much and I wouldn't cry, but I would start looking for a way out. Currently it is the uncertainty drove me crazy, just that...

In search of answers, I decided to inspect the house carefully. I started on the first floor on which there are: living room, kitchen-dining room, bathroom with Laundry and pantry under the stairs. "That's what I need. Let's see what's in it," I thought. I opened the door and long could not find the switch. He was on the left, which is quite strange and uncomfortable. Judging by the interior design of the house, those who worked here certainly are masters of their craft and obviously skillful, unlike the electrician who installed the switch on the left. Something flashed in my memory, but I was not able to catch a thought in time. Mechanically, I walked over to the switch in the kitchen; it also was located at the left. It is unlikely owner of the house would not have noticed a mistake twice, which meant only that he himself was left-handed. Then I remembered Kevin is left-handed! I might have guessed owner was Kevin, as it was his bedroom locked.

Therefore, I just need to get to Kevin's room, maybe then I will be able to find out something. I went back to the pantry, on its shelves tools and household inventory been neatly laid out. Since I am though strong, but fragile woman, couldn't break a massive oak door, I decided to go the easiest way — to dismantle the lock, for this I took a screwdriver and just in case a hammer from the shelf.

I down on my knees at the door and started to work. Despite the fact that the lock was simple, took me about an hour to open it. May the owner of the house forgive me for damage to property?

When I entered, my suspicions confirmed. On the wall hung photos, on which we smiled: I, Sam and Kevin. In addition, there was a bronze watches on the desk, that my husband and I gave Kevin for thirtieth birthday. I approached the table. At this moment I saw a sheet of paper, its first line read "Hello, Margot!"

I grabbed it and began greedily, shamelessly reading, "The main thing — do not worry! Here you are safe, and do not try to leave here, at least it is silly. I will come to you in a couple of weeks. I hope you liked the house. I am sure you already guessed that it is mine. You have always been so smart in everything that not related to your beloved husband. You became a complete fool with him! Excuse me, but I do not know any other words for it. You did not see what kind of person he is because of your blind love. I will say banality — he is not worthy of you. I can already see your indignant face and a dumb question "Who is worthy?" or "Not for you to judge!" However, you must understand that I, as his close friend, I know a lot more about him than you do. Since, he did not need to pretend with me. You know, you should not have married him so quickly, moreover on the sly, leaving no chance for me to dissuade you and offer my candidacy. Do not act as if you did not know about my feelings for you. What's more, I am the only person who really love you, of course except for your parents. And your husband and so-called "girlfriend" are vile hypocrites. It was their idea to leave you here alone. And yet, soon we will both be single, I will take care o..." The letter stopped by an uncompleted sentence. Probably Kevin did not have time to finish it.

He is crazy! I do not believe a single word! Moreover, what does it mean, "We'll both be single"? How did he plan to take care of this? I once again looked at the intermittent lines of his letter. What is he talking about is? It is absurd! The thoughts scurried in my head as animals who frightened of shots a hunting rifle. I still stood motionless by the table, holding a letter that have been corroding my soul and palms by its venom. It seems I have been seeking a clarity behind the locked door; however, the haze not only did not dissipate, but also became completely impenetrable.

I went out with the letter in my hand and unhurriedly descended to the first floor; sat down on a favorite windowsill in the living room, I have read the unfinished message repeatedly.

Do not like lies and yet more innuendo. Although it is my own fault — I should not have break into the closed door it is no better than peeping through the keyhole. After all, there is nobody waiting for you there.

I wondered, is anyone waiting for me at home currently? My heart unwittingly shrunk at this thought. Kevin injected the snake of doubt into my veins with his words, and no matter how hard I resisted, snake was moving quickly through the blood, approaching to my heart in preparation to bite it. "It was their idea to leave you here alone" — those words were an alarm bell sound in my mind. Uncontrollably I wanted to shout, "For what? Why those I love with all my heart hate me?"

For the sake of preserving the remnants of my sanity, I returned to Kevin's room, took his pen, pulled out a pile of paper from the drawer and got out, deciding that I will never enter his room again. I came back to former place and began frantically to pour out on paper my pain, confusion, tears in my eyes. A paper, in turn, devotedly and timidly have been accepting the flow of my cruel, prickly words.

When my silent hysteric stopped, I began to tear the witnesses of my despair into small pieces, throwing them on the floor one by one, since I no longer needed them. Suddenly I realized — Sam and Mia did the same thing to me ... Consequently, they no longer needed me. Suddenly, I frantically started pick up scraps of paper off the floor. Then I got outside, opened my hand and let them in the wind. For some reason I felt better.

I looked up to the sky. Today it was not so friendly to me — a heavy, gray mass oppressive by its gloominess watched at earth threateningly; the air smelled of a thunderstorm. The wind mercilessly was playing in my hair, and suddenly it threw acute drops of rain in my face by its abrupt gust. The rampage of nature fascinated me and I could not move — there was some inviting, hypnotic power in this madness.

A sudden clap of thunder took me out of torpor, and I went back to the house. Only when I got in the hall, I understood got soaked. I had to go upstairs to change my clothes. I pulled off my wet clothes and put on a warm terry bathrobe hanging in the bathroom. Then I got back to the living room.

Unwittingly, a huge fireplace in a graceful white marble cladding caught my eye. Next to it was a little wrought iron log holder with neatly stacked logs. I immediately started to light a fire. Only when the flame began to fondle the logs, clutching them in its deadly hug stronger and stronger, I sat down on the couch to watch their meaningless fight.

Sitting by the fire, I looked again at the letter and it hit me — Kevin called me Margot! It is now clear who owns the authorship of the inscription on the roof. Had he really is out of his mind? However, I considered him a very reasonable and adequate person. I admit, I noticed that his overly caring attitude towards me was something more than mere friendship; obviously, Sam guessed about it too. However, Kevin was not shameless in displays of his affection; even more, he never tried to bring discord into our family. Everyone only played his or her silent part in this triangle. My husband and I of loving spouses, Kevin of family friend with sad eyes. Anyway, this fact has in no way affected our sincere friendship. Now it seemed he wanted to score points with me at the expense of the humiliation of loved ones. When did a quiet, nice friend suddenly have so gall?

In any case, whatever he writes in his letter, I became a hostage to his home, about existence of which none of us knew still. To top it off — "Stay here forever..." I had nothing occurred to me except to Kevin possess maniacally tendencies...

In unison with my sad reflections, a deafening rumble shook the whole house; to it added the blinding curved spear of the lightning that flashed in the window. I jumped with fright and nearly screamed. I immediately wanted to get upstairs to my bedroom and hide from the thunderstorm in a fort of blankets, but abruptly the lights went out. Cowering with fear, I curled up on the couch. My composure treacherously has been eluding me. Currently only fireplace enveloped the room with dim, soft light, bashfully exposing the edge of the floor and the furniture standing next to it. I decided to if I will not go crazy, tomorrow I will leave this cursed place, and no fear of heights will not stop me!
Day 4

When I woke up, timid morning twilight started sneaking into the house, pushing out an inky frightening darkness. I got up and went to the window. Through the drops of yesterday's rain on the glass, I saw the sun slowly rose from behind the mountains, causing a smile even of severe snow-capped peaks. I squared my shoulders and shook off painful burden of last night. Today I will return home!

Nevertheless, before I will hit the road, I have to have a snack; otherwise hunger will not allow me to pass even a hundred meters, as I had not eaten anything yesterday. Naturally, first I went to the kitchen. When I opened the refrigerator's door and saw a dark shelves I remembered that I need to find the fuse box. It was to the left of the front door and it turned out that blew a fuse yesterday. Really, a fear dulls common sense. Instead of lapsing into a coma last evening, I could just lift up the little lever. My own stupidity made me laugh, good thing no one except me did not know about it. I smiled at my thoughts and went to cook my own breakfast.

Having finished with oatmeal porridge, I poured myself coffee and got out to the terrace one final time. The air still smelled of rain and the morning freshness. The sky affectionately shone with azure smoothness without a single wrinkle, as if begging forgiveness for uncontrollable anger that had vent out the day before.

After breakfast, I went up to my room. I took a shower, got dressed, took a travel bag and went downstairs. I glanced at my forced to shelter at the goodbye; I crossed the threshold and walked away without looking back, straight through fluffy glade to the forest. I was sure that the ranks of evergreen sentinels will move aside and will open the way for me that brought us here five days ago and I will be able to reach the village. So strange, only a few days but it seemed to me that I spent many years in solitude and in omnipresent silence.

I walked along the footpath between spruces and pines, breathing the healing fragrance of the pine trees until I froze in amazement — my eyes hit a wall, a huge, three-meter tall, solid brick wall! I made sure its sudden appearance is not a figment of my imagination, when I approached and touched the cold, wet brick. Does the forest have successfully hidden it from the eyes? It was striking that I had not noticed it upon entry. However, if it is a fence, there must be a gate somewhere nearby, in search of which I moved along the stone fence.

It was twenty minutes before I realized that went back to the beginning of my way and not finding the slightest opening not to mention the width of gate is sufficient for passage car. I was shocked and categorically refused to believe my own eyes! Still, little hoping for my inattentiveness, I decided to repeat my rounds, but before that, I scratched the mark with a pebble on the wall in the spot where I right now stood. This time I was walking very slowly on the crisp flooring from pine needles without taking my hand off wall, and peering into each light rectangle of brick.

At that second, when I again saw a mark drawn by me on one of the bricks, there was a loud rumble in my head, as if bomb exploded near me; I was just dumbfounded. A moment later, from my sense savage fury, from absolute helplessness, from unwillingness to accept reality, I punched the fence with my foot, but it arrogantly kept looking at me without moving; instead, a sharp pain shot through my big toe of the right leg, but it could not compare with the one that was now in my heart. I felt like a prisoner of a psychiatric clinic: reality, sleep, imagination — everything was mix into one mudflow in my head, taking with it the remnants of common sense. However, how did we were able to get to a plateau, which is isolated from the outside world almost "Chinese wall"? It cannot have grown up overnight! Now, I was not even sure we six of us really came here on the eve of my birthday. Cursed be it!

With my sick foot and the tormented mind, I just walked back, limping. What was I supposed to do? When I am being halfway to the main entrance, I stopped. At that moment, it seemed to me that the house looks at me with a contemptuous grin, rejoicing in its own greatness and in my powerlessness. I was ready to spend the night right here in the meadow, under the flawless September sky, just to not cross the threshold of this house again! However, I have not a drop of courage left in me, in contrast to the sense of self-preservation that very loudly called for to return and put some ice on my injured finger. Then I thought about what my inner world, in order to rescue it from final destruction, also needs the ice preferably with whiskey, in an extreme case with cognac.

Ten minutes later, I was sitting on the couch. The swelling of big toe gradually have been lessening thanks to the applied ice. Fortunately, there were no fractures. I found a bottle of whiskey in the sideboard. Taking it and a couple of sandwiches from the dining room, I carefully went upstairs to my bedroom. "Today I'm not taking another step!" I thought and closed myself in the room.

The alcohol with its enveloping warmth as if to break the dam, that so far have been keeping the stream of my crazy tears and thoughts. Again, I resorted to the help of the only companions: the sheets of white paper and a ballpoint pen. Only now, I tried in detail to write about all the events of those days those we... I spent here. Were there in fact "we"? Or I appeared alone here initially with a wave of a magic wand?

I thought of the empty bedroom of Mia and Nick, the lack of Sam's clothes in the wardrobe. Furthermore, Kevin's room actually belongs to him and a letter addressed to me — it does not matter that the originator did not send it personally, the served table on six and the lighted candles on the cake. In the end, did I alone was doing it all? At least, I do not suffer the sleepwalking, and I am not complaining about my memory. Although, now I can hardly believe even myself. Image of my former world was smash to pieces, as if a mirror that was thrown on the stone floor with a force. My timid attempts to put all the pieces together only were cutting my palms. Everywhere I was imagine things the deception and cheap scenery. I have a feeling, as if I am the lead in the talent less play, without knowing it. It only remained to understand whom the director: if is Kevin, it will disastrous consequences, if are Sam and Mia –it will bitter, but not fatal. After all, the idea that Kevin could have lured us in here, then kill them and get rid of the traces of their presence as evidence, have been breaking into my mind by the pushy uninvited guest. Either they indeed betrayed me, or Kevin is a monster! I do not see any other explanation for what is happening now. However, I did not want to accept none of supposition.

No, I can assume that Mia could so mock at me, leaving me alone. Despite the fact that we were friends for more than twenty years, she always felt a sense of envy to me. She wanted to have a great body like mine, but I could not be persuaded her to go to the fitness center or pool. Mia was jealous of my financial success, but she never wanted to risk it and start over, even if she has been reaching an impasse. I was always astonished at people who do not want to change anything, at the same time being envious of those who are not afraid of transformation, those who dare to live the life they dream of, regardless of the false teachings of society. However, frankly, I had been lenient to the little weaknesses of my girlfriend, considering them, insignificant compared to the strength of our friendship. Probably, in vain...

Nevertheless, I cannot believe that Kevin was talking about Sam, calling him a hypocrite. My husband was the closest person to me; he was the center of my tiny universe, since of glorious day when I overfilled with happiness and replied "Yes" in the registry office. We were not only loving husband and wife, but also best friends, there are no secrets between whom, and could not be. At least, I sincerely so thought ... until today.

Not at all, I am not an orphan. I have wonderful parents, but they have their own lives the separate from each other. When I was twenty-three years, Dad left the family for a woman fifteen years younger than him, who subsequently bore him the long awaited son. Mom was very upset by the betrayal of loved husband, and, I think, she secretly hoped for his return. However, when the father's new family had a child, there was no hope. In addition, a few years later she has married and moved to Italy with her new husband. From our little family had arisen three separate unit of society. We have limited ourselves to meetings a couple of times a year.

In my opinion, we have to kill a hope of first and to uproot it from the heart. It lures us into labyrinths of uncertainty and expectation, forcing us to lose precious time of the only life. After all, if Mom had not had hope, she would soon calmed down and had forgotten my father, so she could have married before, or could go to live wherever she wanted. At least, my mother would feel freedom and stopped to consider it as a loneliness. I sure the hope only brings harm and nothing else.

We always hope for something: that a person close to us will being better, that we will not get fired from work, that we will meet the soulmate and be happy, that we will live a long life. Thereby we deprive yourself of the right to make decisions that changing our destiny. We deprive yourself of the right to enjoy of today in anticipation of a brighter future. However, a future may not be quite as wonderful. And what will happen next? A disappointment, a longing and a sense of injustice, as if someone had deceived us. In fact, we deceive ourselves by an illusory hope.

At the same time, returning to my versions, I sincerely believed in the inability of Kevin to kill anyone, especially the best friend. What Mia and Nick could to annoy him? Although, judging by the revelations of the owner of a spacious, but still a prison, hostage of which I was now, my husband and my girlfriend treated me meanly, and perhaps Kevin decided to protect me from them in such a sinister way. No, I certainly understand that people can lose their mind from love, but not so much! Anyway, both assumptions were extremely violent — towards me or towards those I love. Now I really wanted to believe Kevin that they just left me alone and betrayed, then to admit that they are dead...

My head unbearably was sick from the strain and the randomness of thoughts. I left my so-called diary, and just leaned back on the pillows. I spent the rest of the day in the bedroom. Only when the sky changed color from pale blue to graphite I, as usual, took a shower and got under the blanket. Oddly enough, I was not afraid to sleep alone this night — now an impregnable wall, which was both as a barrier and at the same time a protection, surrounded me, at least until the owner of the fortress, will arrive here.
Day 5

Morning gave me the intoxicating fragrance of the illusion of a new day, new life, new strengths ... But its plume dissipated very quickly.

Going down to the kitchen, I made coffee and went out into the terrace with the cup of an invigorating drink. The same landscape, that opening up before me, persistently kept saying — nothing has changed and will not change in the near future. The sky was the same as yesterday, the wind was walking the same route between the conifers crowns that will not turn yellow in autumn or winter — never, and the wall that came out of nowhere will not go away! My heart clenched in the steel grip of the doom. However, tears were no more — yesterday I reached my limit.

I looked into the distance and thought: no matter how beautiful or cozy the house was, no matter how fabulous the scenery around seemed, everything becomes colorless if you cannot leave it when you want. Any the most magical world turns into a rusty shabby cage if it has no exit. Perhaps, the emergency door will remain closed forever and no one will turn the key in the old keyhole, but it should be! It should be! The awareness that the door exists, gives a sense of freedom, even if you will never step outside the threshold.

Now I hated this damned fence with all my heart!

Suddenly it dawned on me — if the wall obstructing my freedom, so it is necessary to destroy it. I realized how silly my words sounds or rather thoughts, but I, driven by the despair, decided to at least try to create a breach in the fence.

This idea inspired me and I went to the pantry to find the proper tools. My eye caught a chisel. Kevin made the unforgivable mistake of leaving many tools at my disposal, and he wrote yet, "...do not try to leave here, at least it is silly." We will see! I went to the fence taking with me everything I needed. The place of my escape from here I chose across from of the house, where I left a mark yesterday. I was determined to dismantle this barrier, brick by brick.

When I came face to face with the wall, I thought about who of us will be stronger — its indestructible view or my perseverance and faith in victory.

Maybe I would have never thought to try to punch this barrier, but I remember that the weakest point in brickwork is the joint. I influenced by my father's upbringing, who always wanted a son, but to his regret and my happiness, I was the only child in the family, so I learned a lot of interesting when I was spending a lot of time with him in the carpentry workshop and in the construction of grandma's house. Finally, this knowledge was useful to me in life, unlike chemistry, for example.

I down on my knees by the wall and I put the chisel into the masonry joint of the bottom row of bricks and began to hit it with a hammer. Of course, to break the wall in this way was dangerous — it could collapse on me at any second, but the result could be achieved more quickly, furthermore I could not reach the top row anyway.

In spite the September coolness, my forehead was pouring with sweat from continuous work. Now, I could not agree with a proverb "It is easier to ruin something than to create", it was exactly the opposite in the case of a brick wall. Gradually, my knees started to ache from being on wet ground, feet went numb and my hands ceased to obey, trembling with fatigue. Then I decided to take a break.

I got up, dusted myself off and looked at my current enemy. For a second it seemed to me that this nasty wall laughing at my ridiculous attempts to overcome it, but I was not going to give up! I have enough stubbornness to win, even in an unequal battle. I had been like that way, since I was a kid. When something was crossed my mind, I always did it, whichever would be pointless looked idea. To force me to give up on my goals is simply impossible. Sometimes, I had been wasting my energy, but I have never regretted what I have done, because I am live with absolute certainty — it is better to regret something you do, than to regret something you do not do. At least, following this principle, I know I was really living, rather than go with the flow, and I create my own destiny, though not always successfully.

Leaving my tool in the workplace, I walked to the house by the weary, slow step. Right now, I was not as sure of a victory as the morning, probably fatigue influenced me, but I had to try to do everything possible to get out of here. I could not continue to stay in the dark; I just needed to look into Sam's eyes again. Frankly, I had been very disgusted my loneliness! I wanted to see indifferent passers-by, to hear the noise of cars scurrying under the windows and in the end — to talk! I was no longer afraid of anything, except the wild emptiness and hideous silence.

I looked at the light-yellow kitchen wall, at a huge round table, at the refined pattern of roses on a turquoise background of curtains. Their role was obvious — to fill the house with coziness but without the laughter and happiness that hovering in it, the house becomes just an ordinary building in which coldly in summer and winter.

I silently drank hot tea in hoping to get a little heat; it is a pity that tea is not able to warm my soul. Having taken the last sip, I got up and obediently went back...

I again was hitting the chisel monotone, but not so actively. Little by little, the concrete was crumbling and was spilling out of the brickwork seams. At some point, the concrete is almost gone, but the brick's stubborn rectangle did not want to fall out. Then I gathered all my strength and began to hit it with a hammer. One hit. Second. The third! And ... Oh, happiness! Brick gave up and crashed down to the ground!

I was jumping for joy! The pride overwhelmed me, as if I had won the Nobel Prize. I really wanted to show my accomplishment of today off to someone, but I had to remain silent as nobody was within a radius of tens of miles, and the talking to myself seemed to me is a sign of insanity. Therefore, I simply returned to my prison, smiling ear to ear, I was sure soon I should be free.

I realized how much I was tired today, just having crossed the threshold of the house. So I merely dreamed of a warm bath and rest. In the hall, I began to take off my so-called working clothes, throwing it in the laundry and I went upstairs to my bedroom in my underwear. If there is nobody here but me means I can afford to do what I want. I guess it was then that I realized the loneliness has its charms.

When I was lying in warm water, I recalled a case from my childhood. Once, I was spending a summer vacation at my grandmother in village, and my eight-year-old cousin came there. I was ten at the time; we played in the attic, imagining ourselves being pirates who looking for treasure in grandma's dusty chests. We quarreled over some trinket that we found among other old useless things, and argued who's get it. Michael snatched it from my hands and ran away, locking me in the attic. I got so mad about deed of the younger brother; I started to kick a small wooden door with all a child's rage, so in the end I was able to break the latch and got out. Sad thing was grandma scolded me for the broken lock, but not scolded him for locked me up.

Of course, I could continue to simply looking at the yellowed photos from the old worn photo album, at a spider web in the dark corners of the attic or imagine myself being a princess, which a century-old witch locked in the tower. But I couldn't bear the thought of I could not get out of here when I wished, that I would have to wait until somebody deigns to let me out. I really do not like to depend on someone. Dependence on other people or circumstances throws me off course. I prefer to rely only on myself — it is more reliable, calmer and eventually I have nobody to blame but myself in case of failure. I was so relaxing by took a bath, that I did not have the strength for dinner. I laid down and while I written the events of the day, I did not notice how fell asleep with pen in hand.
Day 6

I woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. Right now, all I could think about was the fence. Therefore, I could not lie in bed a long time: after the shower, I dressed quickly and went downstairs. I made an omelet in haste, and only allowed myself to a leisurely coffee on the terrace.

The weather, like yesterday, was magnificent: the sun's rays was gently embracing me by its pleasant warmth, and a little breeze was tickling my face tenderly. The aroma of coffee mingled with the fragrance of wildflowers and pine needles. This morning was a truly amazing, such a start to the day can rightly be called good!

"Well, stop to relax! It's time to work!" I mentally commanded myself finishing my coffee, and got up from the table.

I was walking towards my enemy in full operational readiness. When I approached the wall, I felt that it will be powerless against my insidious onslaught, and I started to work immediately. I began to hollow out the brickwork seam next to the yesterday untimely-departed brick. It is a pity that there were no sledgehammer among the tools — it would be a lot easier for me. However, as it turned out in the process, the most difficult was to knock out the first brick. All subsequent bricks surrendered much more readily, as if the children's construction kit, probably the builders cut corners on the cement's mix, for that I was very grateful to them at this moment.

Suddenly, giving in to persuasion of my gut, I sharply bounced off the wall. As soon as I was at a safe distance from it, part of the wall just collapsed, thereby opening a passage about a meter wide.

I froze with surprise by not believing my eyes. Later, an amazement gave way to the ineffable joy and I shouted with raising my hands to the sky, "Yay! Freedom!" I think, the last time I was so happy on my wedding day.

I was elated and rushed home without noticing fatigue; I could not hold back my victorious smile and I marched across the glade proudly. The sun was setting and I thought, "It is better to sleep in a warm bed, than to spend the night in the middle of the autumn forest." Therefore, I decided to get out of here at dawn tomorrow.

Actually, the wall turned out to be much more vulnerable than it looked at the beginning. For a second I felt sorry for it. I started think... no matter how strong and impregnable we may seem everybody has a weak spot, like the seam of brickwork. Moreover, in order for to break a person it is enough to find out where is this seam, to take up a chisel and a hammer. Someone will collapse from the first powerful strike, will have to long and monotonously batter others, but, sadly, the result would be same. It is Paradox — the stronger and the massive wall at first glance, the it will fall with a large roar. Therefore, in order to avoid the crash, you must get away from those who have already put a chisel in your seam. In addition, of course the quality of the cement need to choose in accordance with the declared strength of mind. The simplest means is to wear a fancy dress so that no one even noticed your Achilles heel, although that is what many people do.

Entering the house, I immediately locked all the doors, returned the tools to the pantry and went upstairs. Taking a shower, I even sang. I do not know why, but I wanted to celebrate today's victory, in addition, I not celebrated my thirty-third birthday. Perhaps, it is time to catch up. I was not embarrasses by the absence of the guests, apparently, nothing could spoil my jubilation. Therefore, having washed off my pleasant fatigue, I put on my turquoise dress that I was wearing on the first day of my solitude, and went out into the corridor. I peered at every detail of the interior, peered at every stair step when I slowly descended to the first floor — I wanted to remember and to absorb in myself this house. Now it looked especially charming and the house did not seem anymore so empty and uncomfortable as before. Because now I knew that I could get out of here at any moment and a sense of freedom transfigured everything around.

I covered the table with a white festive tablecloth, placed an elegant bronze candlestick in the middle that I took from the mantelpiece in the living room and lit a candle, put out the light — so to speak arranged a romantic dinner for myself. With a glass of juice in my hand — otherwise I was risking to sleeping all the way till lunch — I made a toast in my mind wishing me one thing to return home and realize that everything was a nightmare or, at worst, a bad joke of my husband and friends. For some reason, now more than ever I believed in their hoax, maybe I really wanted to believe in that...

Suddenly I heard a strange noise outside the window, like of footsteps. I slowly placed my glass and turned towards the door leading to the terrace. Curtains were drawn, but in the dim light, it seemed to me that a shadow glided over behind the house and I did not dare to go to the window. I felt creepy and the evening instantly lost its charm.

I extinguished the candle and got up without finishing my dinner. Trying not to look at the window and not look back, I went out into the hall and fast upstairs to my bedroom. Then I locked the door and hided under the blanket, without turning the light on.

Perhaps, I was imagine things, but I was not ready to check whether this is true, in the night. I was scared. Today, taking advantage of the vulnerability of my enemy — the wall, I partially destroyed it, but currently I lacked its integrity. I understand my parents, who tried to shield me from the cruelty of the world, building a similar but invisible wall. In my youth it seemed that they were taking away of my liberty. Now I realize they were just trying to protect me, even by such a primitive way.
Day 7

The alarm clock rang at five am. I threw off my blanket; I got up of bed and went to the window. The sky gradually developed as an old photo film, replacing the blue-black on the gray color. I decided not waste any time and went to the bathroom. After the shower I pulled on a jeans and a sweater, wore my hair up in a ponytail. Leaving the bedroom, I once again looked around the room. "It seems I didn't forget anything," I thought and I come out.

Having breakfast in a hurry, I once again took my travel bag and crossed the threshold of the house, slamming the door behind me.

I have not looked back until I went through a plush carpet of the meadow wet with morning dew. Only when I was on the other side of the fence, I stopped and turned around to look at my one-week world for the final time. Now from a safe distance, it seemed me like truly magical, as if from a child's book of fairy tales.

Imagine my surprise when I saw a small sensor not far from the place where I breached the wall. It looks like the fence was opening and I just needed to find the remote control. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. However, I never would have thought that the gate might constitute a solid brick wall. I have to admire to Kevin for his ingenuity.

At parting, I took a deep breath of the healing aroma of coniferous forest and... I froze on my exhale, so as I heard cautious footsteps behind me. I was holding my breath, hoping to turn into an invisible man. I heard in my mind the sound of a slowly moving second hand, as if in the wall clock. Suddenly, a voice rattled behind me:

"Are you leaving so soon?"

I turned around quickly — it was Kevin. I saw the snide smirk on his face. I backed away with unexpected and fear. I wanted to scream, to push him away, escape, but my body seemed to petrify, and my voice disappeared treacherously. I froze and stared at him silently.

"So are you leaving?" he repeated strongly.

"You're not going to keep me forcibly?" I heard my own voice as if from the outside, "This is at least a criminal article!"

Kevin gazed into my eyes, slowly approaching.

"Let's go back to the house and talk? Later, I'll take you to the city," he said.

"No! Get away from me! I will never return to this cursed house!"

"You didn't like it? It is a pity, because I erected it for you and hoped for your approval," Kevin grinned sadly.

I stared at him in surprise.

"Margot please, let's talk, I have a lot to explain to you!" his voice was softer.

"I just want to go home!" I replied firmly.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed my wrist tightly.

"I beg you, let's go into the house!" it sounded like a demand, but not a plea. Then, apparently noticing my real fear, he relented a bit, and asked sincerely, "Do you think that I am capable of inflicting harm on you or offending you?"

"Do not touch me, let go! I want to go home, home!" I cried out in despair and tried to break free, but his steel grip did not weaken. At that moment, I got no fight left. His unexpected arrival frightened me to death and it was the last straw. I had become hysterical.

"Please stop it, Margot! Stop it!"

"Don't call me that! Do not! I do not want to see you and hear! Just disappear like when for my birthday! Just disappear and let me go, I want to go home! I am not asking for anything else!"

"How cannot you understand that nobody is waiting for you there?" Kevin shouted.

I felt my blood turn cold with his words, as if someone pushed me into an ice hole. Terrible guesses burst into my mind again.

"What did you do with them?"

"Better you have asked what they have done to you!"

"You're crazy! Crazy!" I shouted through my tears.

Kevin glanced at me with angry; put in my hand, which so far he was squeezing, the keys to his SUV and hissed in a poisonous tone, "Do you want to find out everything? Go! Go!", then he added barely audible, "But you be careful."

I squeezed the keys in my fist and rushed to his car without saying a word.

Once inside, I locked the doors and started the engine, then I looked at Kevin in the rear view mirror. He stood and watched me with eyes full of bewilderment and sadness. For a moment, I felt sorry for him, but now nothing could stop me. I did not care how he would get out of here. In the end, he is a man! In addition, he locked me up here, not I. I drove slowly along a narrow winding gravel road that which led through the forest and more like a hiking trail. The tall pines towered over me on both sides, hiding the morning sun from me by their emerald crowns.

After an hour, I went out on the asphalt wide road that passed through the village. At that moment, it seemed to me that I came out of the darkness into the light. I enthusiastically looked at the people, the cars, the number of which increased with every mile that brings me closer to the city.
Chapter 2

At lunchtime, I entered a gray, rainy, but madly beloved city: gloomy pedestrians hurried somewhere with umbrellas in the hands; the cars crawled on the wet asphalt in dense flow and periodically honked to each other in displeasure. Nevertheless, I was very glad to be in the center of the urban hustle and bustle — right now, I felt with my skin that I was not alone.

I really wanted to talk to Sam, but was in no hurry to call him. Some inner fear was stopping my attempts to dial my husband's number. Surprisingly, but currently the thought that Kevin could have done something terrible to my loved ones just disappeared into the crowd of scurrying passers-by.

Today is Friday and therefore Sam will be getting home from work no later than five pm; at least, it was always like this. I decided to surprise him — I wanted to see the look on his face when he will know that I am at home. I glanced at my watch; it was 2:15 pm. I had enough time to leave the car in the parking lot of the high-rise where Kevin and Nancy lived and give her the keys; then go back to home by taxi and clean up. No matter how difficult my meeting with my husband, I have to look amazing.

I, as planned, parked his car in the yard. Then I walked to the entrance and rang the intercom but no one answered. To be honest, I was glad that Nancy was not at home –I did not want to explain to her why I came here by Kevin's car, and besides, I did not want to talk to anyone except Sam today. "Wonder if she knows that her husband at a minimum in love with another woman, but as a maximum has manic inclinations?" this thought popped into my head. "On the other hand, what do I care about their family? I need to figure out my family!" I decided and left the keys with the concierge and then called a taxi and went home.

When I was going up in the lift to my floor, I was eager to get into my favorite apartment. However, when I was at the door, a long fiddled with the keys, not daring to enter. I have only been gone for a week, but it felt like several years I have not been home, and did not know what was waiting for me inside. I was sure I would find the answers to the questions that tormented me for so many days, but I was not sure that I would like it...

I conquered my indecision, and finally unlocked the door and walked in — at first glance, nothing has changed since our departure into the mountains, and I was relieved. I imagined Sam returning from work; our family dinner, and I even forgot for a moment that I have to find out why loved one left me alone in that house.

Throwing my travel bag on the floor in the hallway, I took off my jacket and opened the closet to hang it. At this moment, a sudden searing pain shot through my heart — my husband's outer garment was not there. Instantly I took off my shoes off and I rushed to our bedroom, and then went into the living room – there was not a single thing of Sam anywhere. After that, I pulled out my mobile phone and called husband. His number was not available...

I slowly reached the kitchen and sat down at the lunch table. Obviously, I will have to have dinner alone today. I looked at the curtains that we chose together — now they looked horribly tasteless, although I liked these curtains before. I got up and drawn back drapes, letting daylight in. Suddenly, I noticed by my peripheral vision a sheet of paper attached to the refrigerator with a magnet. "Is it another letter? Probably Sam's farewell letter." I thought. Unfortunately, I was right.

"I went off with another woman. Do not let yourself get hysterical and please do not look for me! I do not want a domestic drama. You are the cleverest of us; you always know what is best, how best, and what you need to do! In general, you will manage. I filed for divorce already. In my petition for divorce, I asked to conduct the hearing without my presence. I advise you do the same thing. I will not claim the apartment. I took the car and already transferred it to me. In my opinion, it is only fair. I guess it is a meager fee for five years of my life with you. Let us assume that I have done you a discount. And don't try any tricks, or I will sue you for the apartment. Goodbye! I am not your Sam already. Oh yeah, I forgot, Kevin will comfort you, he waited a long time for this day..."

When I finished husband's message that was impregnated a bile, my face all flushed and blood started hammering in my head with great force. One by one were different feelings: pain, love, anger, despair and hopelessness filling my soul. I was suffocating. Carefully putting his note on the table, I opened the window. My face was covering with autumn coolness and rain. I greedily gulped the September air of an indifferent city, but I was not enough breath.

Suddenly, rang my mobile as if from a distance. I rushed to the phone, I thought, it was Sam. However, "Kevin" showed up on my screen. I picked up the phone and declared without letting him say a word:

"Your car in the yard, the keys at the concierge."

"Margot, I..." Kevin began say.

"Don't call me that!" I shouted and threw my phone against the wall with all my might.

I felt the tears streaming down my face. I grabbed the curtains and yanked them off. I really wanted to break and throw away all the furniture from my apartment, I wanted rip the wall covering from every wall to erase memories about... I could not find suitable epithets for the man with whom I lived five years. Nevertheless, I had the strength only to take a hot shower. Somehow, I drag myself to the bathroom and I stood up under the scalding jets of water. When my laryngeal spasms have been replaced by a barely audible sniffling, and my crying became a simply tears, I turned off the water, wrapped myself in a towel, went to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

I lay motionless on the bed and felt like my old world was falling apart, like that ill-fated fence. I could understand that you can fall out of love, even leave without saying goodbye to avoid an unnecessary dust-up and scenes; but I could not justify the meanness, hypocrisy and ruthlessness of a loved one. It was hard for me to believe that Sam had prepared a peculiar gift for his wife's birthday in advance — he ran away like a rat, and even let his acrimony out on me; but it looks that way. Would it hurt to just say that he started hates me, and he no longer wants to live with me? He knew perfectly well that I would not fall on my knees, begging not to leave me. He knew this perfectly well!

Apparently, he wanted to not just leave, but to stomp and humiliate me, leaving me first to go crazy in a house on a mountain plateau, secretly file for divorce, take my car away and then to finish me off with his vile letter. So petty and disgusting on his part! Nasty feeling of filth and stickiness in my soul was not leaving me. Suddenly, I remembered that I used to have the same feeling after my dream, in which I was standing under a glass dome and passed by me Sam, Mia, Nancy with malevolently laughing faces. Probably not for nothing...

Imperceptibly I fell asleep. However, the night was hectic: I had nightmares. I was running away from someone, was hiding, was screaming it all the time; then was waking up with my own cry and again I was going to an agonizing dream. In my nightmares was my husband who shouted in my face that he never loved me, he put up with me and laughed at me. Then someone began to ring at the door insistently, louder and louder, drowning out Sam's voice.

Opening my eyes, I realized that someone long ringing the doorbell in not the dream, but in reality. I feverishly started remember, hastily putting my dressing gown, if I turned off the water in the bathroom yesterday, or not, because who else but the flooded neighbors could so brazenly breaking into my apartment, especially in the night.

Kevin was standing on the threshold. I sleepily stared at him, adjusting my dressing gown on my breast.

"You are all right? Your number was unavailable for two days. I was worried!" Kevin asked, defiantly going around me.

"I'm really buzzing!" I replied with smile, "I don't recollect I was inviting you!"

Kevin stopped abruptly and looked at me, "Are you not alone right now?"

"Ah, I see ... Sam wrote that you will begin to console me," I laughed in his face.

At this moment, he grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me, "What's with you, Margot?"

"Don't call me that!" I said coldly, "And get your hands off me."

"Sorry, Margaret!" he replied and went straight to the kitchen. Another surprise awaited him there: my shattered phone and the ripped curtains on the floor. He turned to me, "What are you doing?"

"What are you asking me for? The one, who locked me in his house, wrote that we'll both soon be single..." suddenly, it dawned on me, "So maybe Sam's escape is your handiwork? You forced him to write to me this nonsense?"

"Meg, don't be crazy!" he said loudly and added with a grin, "Are you broke down the door to my room also? No, I knew that you are a strong woman, but I did not expect that you are so strong. Although after you breached my fence, why am I surprised?"

"In my opinion, you clearly fell off the wagon! Maniac!" I shouted, "How did you make him leave me? How?"

Kevin set his face like a flint, and he said frigidly, heading for the door, "I thought you were smarter, Margaret!" then looked back at me in the doorway and added, "If you once get tired to justify Sam, let me know, I'll send you the files by e-mail."

I silently watched him go out. After, I closed the door and went back to my bedroom. I was sitting on the bed in the dark and thought about his last words. Curiosity got the best of me and I took out my laptop. When I saw the date in the right-hand bottom corner of the screen, I realized it was Sunday night. I slept for two days!

I have been over all emails that came for the week, but I did not find among them no single business emails, it seemed strange to me. I regretted having broken my phone, because I should have spoken to Mia, but I had to be postponed our dialogue for tomorrow. Despite the fact that I absolutely did not want to see her in the near future, we connected by a common cause.

Half an hour later, I finally work up the courage and I wrote Kevin only one line "Send me your promised files." While me waiting for response from him, I had time to heat up a frozen pizza, pour myself a glass of whiskey and take a defensive position at the kitchen table front my computer monitor.

Finally, I saw an unread message from the Kevin. I opened it with trembling hands: there were a few attached files and pictures. Looking through them one by one, I more and more was pressing myself onto a chair, and I was swallowing the running tears mixed in with whiskey. Almost every photo were of an intimate nature, on which my husband in the arms of another woman. However, I could not really saw face of rival and the quality of images left much to be desired. Nevertheless, I totally understood their meaning.

When I got to text documents, my second glass of whiskey was empty, I needed to get a refill — there were the love letters my husband with a "mysterious stranger". Certainly, it has not been without his mudslinging of the boring wife — that is the worst he has done. On top of that, Sam never loved me and just felt sorry for me and of course, I was beneficial to him! At this moment I could not stand it and slammed my laptop. I hate when someone tries to pity me more than anything does! I myself will feel sorry for myself as necessary.

How did I feel? As if he run over me with an excavator, ruining me down, and then he run over me with a grader to raze me to the ground finally...

I still sat on the chair, staring at the bared window: I have no strength left in me to think, to move, to speak.

After some time I slowly got up the jelly legs, cautiously reached the bedroom and flopped down on the bed is the only thing I could do right now. Icy emptiness began gradually to spread through the apartment, filling every corner; it did not spare even me. Suddenly, I became very cold. I drew the blanket over me, trying to stop my tremor.

I finally realized what Kevin was referring when called Sam a hypocrite — my husband never loved me, but just used me. His phrase "I guess it is a meager fee for five years of my life with you" speaks eloquently about our "love". How could I have been so blind that I could not saw obvious things? After all, it was so apparent: all these years, my beloved husband still never learn what I drink coffee with one spoon of sugar, and my favorite flowers are daisies. He invariably, only on the holidays, was giving me roses. At first, I resented his inattention, and then I stopped. Because, he always had an excuse "Sorry dear, I forgot. Next time there will be daisies." Sam never given me daisies in five years. Someone may think that is trifle, it is not worth mentioning. However, now I understand life based and people's attitude towards you is emerging on such trifles.

I always remembered that Sam likes eggs for Breakfast with well-done yolk and bacon; pullover exclusively with a V-neck, and he cannot stand a white shirts. I have never bought him a jumper with a round neckline, no matter how much it liked me, and I had always fried the yolks well. Perhaps, that is what love is. Moreover, this great sense of love manifested in such a little, minor details and not in the words, no matter how beautifully they sounded, nor in the gifts, no matter how expensive they may be. If someone gives you a gorgeous car, but he will not remember that you have a terrible allergy to shrimp; if someone will be telling you about his mad love under the starry sky half the night, but not will ask if you got tired today, well then he does not love you. That is all.

What is amazing is that, Kevin when coming to visit us, always brought daisies...
Chapter 3

Waking up the next morning, I looked at my bedroom with eyes of an outsider and I realized there is not a detail that I like in here: whether it be furniture, wallpaper or curtains. Even the painting depicting my favorite seascape disgusted me. Therefore, I decided to continue my lethargic sleep in the living room. However, I saw that it also lost its former feeling of coziness, but I had no other choice — the bathroom and the kitchen are not very suitable for living, in my opinion. Nevertheless, my living room had a big advantage — it had no mirrors, which I carefully avoided, suggesting that my own reflection will only aggravate my already deplorable condition (literally speaking).

One day, I think it was Tuesday the doorbell rang. I wanted to ignore it, but an unexpected guest too insistently kept ringing, causing headaches. I had to open it. It was Kevin again. Really, who else would be interested in me except for him?

"Hi! I will not ask, 'How are you?' I see you are not well," Kevin declared.

"Please leave me alone! I do not want to see anyone and to talk to anyone!" I hissed.

"Then close your eyes and don't open them until I will take the bags," Kevin replied calmly and walked along the hallway towards the kitchen.

A minute later, he came back, and he left without a word. I closed the door behind him.

Kevin brought me much food and a new mobile phone in the box marked "Please just don't break!" I automatically took phone out of the package; I fiddled with it and put it back. However, I forced myself to take out SIM card from my broken phone and put it on the table. Once, I have to come back to reality. However, not now, not now...

Almost a week I spent as a recluse in the apartment, without noticing how days change. For me, everything has fused into one viscous mass of the nightmares, of a hated mornings and endless tears.

Fortunately, the moment came when I got tired feeling sorry for myself. I even dared to go to the mirror... and I was horrified — I saw a woman is foreign to me with the sunken eyes, pale complexion and frightening thinness. I was not ready for such a meeting with myself. It became obvious that I urgently need to get myself out of the swamp called "the pain of betrayal" and start no not new, but a different life. I turned on the TV, for the first time in a long time, to know what day it is. It was Saturday.

Weekends I spent restoring myself. First thing, I did cut my long gorgeous hair –it is banally but it really helps. Two evenings in a row, I was taking a warm bath with the addition of various aromatherapy oils, I was applying nourishing masks on; and on Monday morning, my reflection in the mirror no longer frighten.

I plucked up courage and inserting my SIM card into my new cell phone, then turned it on. I got only one message, it was from Kevin, "Finally!" I smiled and I went get dressed — today I planned to go to court to dot the i's and cross the t's.

When I was coming up the stairs of the courthouse, I thought, "Is our whole life together was a fake?" However, I have to admire him — Sam is an excellent actor! Perhaps, even Stanislavsky would say, "Believe!" I also believed... Now, I was feeling heartache from own stupidity and from his meanness. Moreover, he took my favorite car away that I bought myself for my thirtieth birthday. It is nastily!

In the court really was a petition for divorce signed by my husband. Deep down I had my doubts he had done it, but he did not cheat me this time. I signed a consent to divorce and I too asked to hold the hearing without my presence. Two months later, I will can get a written confirmation that my family life has exhausted itself.

The next destination today was a restaurant — our joint venture with Mia. At one time I had a small company involved in the production a furniture — the love for a wood passed on to me from my father, but Sam did not share my passion, and he was constantly persuaded me to change profession. He allegedly was jealous that I spend most of my time in a male environment. Then Mia joined him. She really wanted to open a restaurant, and they both in one voice started saying that I should sell my 'hard' business and enter a public catering. As a result, after about a year of endless disputes on the theme "It's not women's business!" I gave in, and sold my brainchild.

On the way to the restaurant I was watching from the window of taxi the absurdity of the city's buildings, which are growing exponentially every year, the loads of cars, scurrying on roads, a gloomy passersby; and my heart sank, because my city stopped be like that which I loved it when I was a kid. It is strange that I just today drew attention to the scantiness of green spaces, but in my childhood, an apple garden was blooming outside my window every spring. I drew attention to a caricature ugliness of city architecture — buildings of the nineteenth century coexist with lumps from concrete and glass. And that's too bad.

I was in a hurry to destroy the wall to return to the city as soon as possible, which I thought was my; to return to my loved ones. It turns out I hurried for nothing — everything has been so alien and soulless to me. Undoubtedly, we look at the world through the prism of our inner state, and my inner state now clearly reflected in the dim colors of the concrete jungle; but I had a bad feeling of another approaching thunderstorm.

At the entrance to the office, Mia met me. She did not hide her surprise, "Is that you?"

"I am. And why are you so surprised?"

"Just you haven't called me a long time."

"Well, you were not very interested in my life either, were you?"

"Can we sit?" Mia offered.

"How's the restaurant?" I immediately got down to business, not wanting to sort out our relationship.

"As you can see, it's all right," she answered, looking away.

I realized we could not have normal conversation now. My girlfriend clearly did not expect to see me here, so she did not prepare an opening address, and I did not want to listen her false excuses.

"Okay, tomorrow we'll talk, girlfriend," I said slowly and distinctly my last word.

"Excellent, Meg! Because, I have a lot to do today."

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Okay, see you tomorrow!" Mia with a feigned smile waved at after me.

Probably I no longer have my old girlfriend as well. Judging by her expression, she wanted if I was out. Now, I believe, to leave me in the mountains was idea of my husband's and Mia.

I had a lump in my throat when I went outside. I wandered along the wet autumn leaves that covered the sidewalks. I wanted to unwind and to reflect. Although, what else could I think about? Everything is too obvious. "However, friendship is not necessary for the joint business," I cheered myself.

As soon as I thought about it, Mia called me. I answered the phone and heard her cocky voice, "I'm not going to pay you any more dividends, okay? I am not going to work for you all my life! However, if you do not like it, you could to apply to the court! But I just wanted you to know you have no basis for a lawsuit. Many thanks to Sam for his help. By the way, he did the right thing leaving you. How long he should have put up with you?"

Having not listened to the end her tirade, I silently hung up. I hardly understood what she was talking about. Everything became blurry in front of me. I immediately stopped — I wanted to come back and force her to repeat what she said in my face, but I restrained myself. Then I took three deep breaths to calm down; I decided that I had enough for today and just called a taxi.

When I got in my apartment, I realized that I no longer want to live here. At this moment, I appreciated my stay alone on the mountain plateau and deep down I regretted that I was rushing to come back, because I not prepared for what was waiting for me when I got home. On the other hand, is it possible to prepare for a devastating earthquake of life? It is hardly...

Not only that my husband left me, he besides gave Mile my copy of the loan agreement that I signed at his insistence. It never occurred to me to documentation the even financial relationship with my best girlfriend who I had known for more than twenty years. Of course, I was not going to go to court even with necessary documents on my hands. I always made money and I will earn more money. But what Mia did, and particularly the way she talked to me, made me angry.

She allowed herself never before to talk to me with an imperious, insolent tone, and suddenly now she got so brave. Now it is clear, that she fawn over me so many years with the sole purpose of waiting for the moment when I slacklining and to hit me, hoping that I will not rise again! She knew me enough to be sure that I am not in a position to fight with anyone now; otherwise, she would not dare to play such games with me. After all, she knew better than anyone that how much I hate when somebody trying to cheat me. No one has ever been able to do that even the enemies are stronger her. Of course, the wishing were, but each of them had own weak points, like the joint of a brickwork and as soon as I hinted that I'm aware of their weak points and I can hit them, their desire to do it has passed.

And this one, I don't even know what to call her, suddenly plucked up courage and decided to show herself in all her glory. Bravo! I can only do a round of applause! Apparently, my wall breached as well.

The phone call broke into my thoughts. I picked up the phone.

"Hey, are you at home today?"

"I am at home today."

"I will come by you tonight!" said Kevin.

"I wanted to spend this evening in alone... without guests!"

"I'm not a guest. So wait for me!"

"Bye," I discontentedly replied, but Kevin hung up.

"He just what I need! Why do he keeps butting into my life without asking?" I asked myself a rhetorical question and went to change clothes.

I could not stop thinking about Mia's cocky tone. It seemed to me that around I got a whiff of a decomposed friendship, love, family. This smell caused disgust and the sickening state of mind. I had to pour myself a glass of whiskey to disinfect.

It's amazing, when I was in isolation in the mountains, I longed to return to home to talk to real people, at least in order to hear my own voice, to see else someone's face except my reflection in the mirror. However now I felt aversion to people. I did not want to let anyone into my life, because the last people I trusted with all my heart were Mia and Sam. If even they betrayed me, what can I expect from others? Over the years, my close circle ruthlessly narrowed, so the only ones left are my parents, my husband and my girlfriend. The rest were erasing from my life too regularly as soon as they were betraying me. Apparently, it was the turn of the last aboriginals.

My first instinct been always revenge, next I wanted to prove something and after, I wanted just forget about their existence. Every time when someone was betraying me, I was passing through these three stages. Nevertheless, I never took revenge on anyone and if I was proving something to someone, then to only myself. Usually, I just have cut people out of my life, sharply and forever. Not because I am so kind and humble, by no means. I just know that I do not have enough meanness and hate to take revenge properly, but the life make this look a lot better. Sometimes a boomerang comes back such enormous size and goes to such place wherever it would never occur to me to hit. Therefore, I always give to destiny the right of revenge, which has never missed.

Ironically, I was waiting for my thirty-third birthday, hoping for a gift of fate, but the gift have been a much-unexpected surprise. Again this nasty word "hope", time to throw it on the fire! So, was I talking about what? Ah, Yes, my birthday. I feel that this year will become very significant in my life, at least — an unforgettable one. To lose at once my two closest person in overnight — it is unlikely I can forget about that!

Right now, I feel bad, but one thing I know for sure is I will never regret these people, never. Because it is not me, but they ruined everything. I have nothing to regret! However, they will bitterly regret having made a mistake. I do not trying to enhance my own value, I do not consider myself special, I have a lot of crap, and my character is not sugar. Nevertheless, I am incapable of treachery, unlike these cunning, fainthearted people. Sometimes I can really have a temper, sometimes I can be highly emotional, but I can love, and I am willing to do anything for the loved ones. Nevertheless, I am incapable to play a dirty trick on even those whom I hate. Many people was taking advantage of that fact far too often.

Now I know for sure — you should never be to surround yourself with people weaker than you did. At first, they pretend to be the loving husbands, girlfriends to enjoy the benefits that you brought. Then as soon as you will stumble, they immediately will bury you so they feel stronger finally. Because, only in this way they can feel their superiority. Well, they had enough patience to wait for the right moment for so many years!

The doorbell pulled me out from my deep reflection. "It is Kevin," I sighed and went to meet the uninvited guest.

"Hi! I am glad to see you!" Kevin smiled and handed me a bouquet of daisies.

"I am not sure it is mutual... but thanks for the flowers, Kevin. Come on in."

Delicate little suns looked great in a glass cobalt-colored vase decorating the dining table that Kevin and I sat at; the daisies involuntarily was attracting my gaze.

"I do not understand are you smashed my fence to be locked up here? In my opinion, my house was more spacious, is not it?" Kevin was the first to break the silence.

"I am lock up here voluntarily, mind you. In addition, today I went outside."

"If because of that," he reached out and touched my haircut, "then in vain. It would be better if you stayed at home for a week, maybe you would change your mind."

I looked at him angrily and replied, "No, not because of that. I went to court, then to the restaurant."

"AND?" Kevin asked, staring at me.

"And... I filed for divorce, lost my girlfriend, my business... Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die!"

"This is how the story was supposed to end sooner or later!"

"Thanks for the support, buddy! In addition, why it does have to end this way? You probably know the answer, don't you?"

"I know. Because you only have yourself to blame! You should not be angry with them!"

"I sincerely thank you! Are you came to tell me that I am a complete idiot? Nice try, but I know about it."

"No, I just missed you." Kevin said.

"How cute! What will happen after that? Is another betrayal? Although, you already did it, locking me in your lair!"

Kevin waited until I spew malice, and then said, "Are you want to quarrel or complain? Make up your mind, while I will make us some coffee. Do you mind if I take over your kitchen?"

"No, of course I don't mind," I was a little ashamed.

Kevin got me a cup of hot drink. I took a sip and was surprised that coffee was just the way I like it.

"How did you know it would end like this?" I asked.

"It always happens when you too much doing for others."

"Who don't deserve that, do I understand correctly?"

"No, not correct. It is not about that, they deserve that or not. The thing is your kindness can to corrupt anyone even the most decent person," Kevin replied.

"What do you mean? I do not get it."

"Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you. At first, you are giving them too much, and then you wonder why they suddenly wanted to take everything away. You would give them the shirt off your back. Well, they both took away the last thing you had, but without asking permission. Do you understand?"

"Perhaps. However, to take without permission is a stealing! Not to mention the fact that loved ones betrayed me."

"Unfortunately, they do not think so. Moreover, neither Mia nor Sam had never a special virtue. It was foolish to hope they will treat you differently, after you sold your business for their sake."

"I know I was supposed to register the restaurant in my own name, but I never thought ..."

"It is not that," Kevin interrupted me, "not in documents or money. Just you should never give up on what you love with all your heart, even for the sake of the closest. Not anyone will appreciate it, but on the contrary will think less of you. Your deed has become a kind of sacrifice, and they felt themselves to be gods, who now has the right to decide your fate. You gave them that right yourself! Are you understand me?"

"But love is a compromise and sacrifice, is not it?"

"No. The one who really loves you will never force you, pushing you overtly or imperceptibly, to give up what is very dear to you whether it is profession you love, close girlfriend or even a favorite vase that hundreds of times was rebuilding. And there can be no compromise!" Kevin said excitedly.

"You never cease to amaze me, Kevin. I was sure that nothing excites you but the figures. Now all of a sudden you have shown such deep knowledge of human psychology."

"And also, no doubt, you have a too sharp tongue! No one could have put up with you without love to you!" Kevin noted.

For the first time I smiled sincerely for the last few days.

"You should had start with that! Instead, the "sacrifice", "your kindness can to corrupt." Do you probably hoped that I would become quieter during the time that I spent in the mountains by myself?"

"I wouldn't dream of it!" he smiled, "But seriously, you should have gone to an ophthalmologist to cure myopia a long time ago. Haven't you noticed the envy of Mia?"

"Of course, I noticed. However, envy is characteristic of many people. In addition, her little flaw was offset by our long-term friendship."

"This is a grave mistake! You should never forgive people to their envy and their even little meanness. Remember — never! These feelings in people's souls is snowballing, and someday they are becoming so large that instantly will crush those, who have generated these feelings. Do you think if you will doing good, then people would appreciate you more and will love you for that? I will have to disappoint you. Not at all, this is only fuels hatred and anger in those to whom goodness intended. You have no right to be better, be purer and more sincere than others. Everyone wants to mix you up with their own shit so you would not be so pure and nice!"

"It is stunningly! Just a day of discoveries!"

"Please don't be sarcastic! It does not suit you."

"My new haircut doesn't suit me as well. But you're still here..."

"I'm surprised at myself!" smiled Kevin.

"You are catty, Kevin!" I laughed.

He lowered his eyes and inquired sadly, "And why did you marry him?"

"It was a silly question. I loved Sam... By the way, I have meant to ask you, where did you get the photos and letters of Sam? Are you spied on him?"

"Do you really want to hear about this?" Kevin looked at me in such a strange way.

"Yeah! So, have you been following my husband?"

"I wasn't planning on do it. I only was watching my wife..."

I was dumbfounded!

Kevin asked, seeing my surprised face, "Maybe, I should not talk about it further?"

"No, Kevin be so kind as to tell me!"

"You are masochistic I swear it! I became aware of their close relationship six months ago. I will not go into details. I think you know there was no love lost between us, but I was angry about something else. My friend allowed himself to sleep with my wife, while I, loving you, did not allow myself even to tell you how I feel, let alone to lure you away from Sam. However, it is all just mushy stuff. Eventually, I only benefited by it!"

"Bravo!" I applauded, "You won a prize! However, I do not look any good, but, right now I'll put on my festive packaging, wait a minute!" I replied getting up from my seat.

"Do sit down!" Kevin ordered. I silently sat down back, and he went on, "First of all, I decided to talk to Sam. I am sorry, but I could not help taking this opportunity. I offered him an exchange. Do not look at me like that... you are a clever girl and you know what I mean. He replied that this is not enough for him, and he demanded money, In this case, he would has quickly divorced you and he would has not wearing out your nerves. Your mood is very important to me, so I said, "Yes", although I could have to maim him. Besides, I wanted to end it as soon as possible, knowing how much you loved Sam [at that point, his face became a scowl]. I guess it is selfish of me, but I have been waiting too long for this. In addition, I brought Nancy with me to the mountains, because I was hoping that you will notice their lascivious glances and I would not have had to be a grim herald. But alas, you're awfully blind when you are in love."

I listened to Kevin's saying without moving. I could feel my cheeks are burning and my tongue was numb.

"If you knew about it so much time, why didn't you tell me? We were friends, weren't we?" I inquired quietly.

"Would you have believed me? When even you saw Sam's note written by his own hand, you thought it was my doing. Moreover, why would? I did not want that you to hate me for the rest of your life."

I paused, glanced at the flowers and looked at each petal, trying to recover from what I heard. A heavy silence hung under the ceiling of the kitchen and began to press on my shoulders.

"I want to sell my apartment and leave here," I voiced my thought that just occurred to me. In my opinion, it was the only right decision, as if the logical end of a theatrical performance that they have been playing out in front of me for the last month.

Kevin looked at me with amazement, "What for?"

"I don't want to live here anymore."

"Then you can just change the flat."

"No, I do not want to live neither in this city nor in any other!"

"Hmm. I think you are too categorical. You should not so dramatically reshape your life because of two vile persons!"

"It is they reshaped my life! And I'm just trying to sew together the pieces of my life, that's all!"

His eyes lit up, "So my house in the mountains is yours! You can live in there as long as you like! In addition, you will not have to sell your flat. I promise I will come visit you by invitation only."

"Thanks, once was enough for me. It is better if I am on my own." I said.

"Did not you tired of your self-reliance?"

"No ... fortunately or unfortunately."

"I take it; to try and change your mind is pointless?" Kevin asked me with fatalism.

"You understand correctly," was my calmly reply.

"Tell me at least, where are you going?" Kevin inquired with bitterness in his voice, feeling that he had lost.

I looked at him and did answer nothing. For a few minutes we sat in complete silence, we each staring into own cup of coffee. Apparently, Kevin understood everything, so as he got up and went to the door.

"Bye!" Kevin got out.

"Bye!" I said and locked the door.

I stood leaning against my door, and fiddled with a pendant that hanging on my chest. I then looked at myself in the mirror — the loneliness was staring at me from there... the nasty, spiteful loneliness.
Chapter 4

I do not know; whether a luck or my irresistible desire to go away from here helped me to sell quickly my apartment. Maybe, a month or two later, I will regret my decision, but now it seemed to me only right, moreover a salvation. In any case, I nothing to lose here — they already deprived me everything that meant anything to me.

During the documents reissue for the new owners of my flat, I searched on the Internet for the piece of land that I could love. Of course, I was not going to run to the ends of the earth or to the distant Antarctica, just to a quiet corner of a picturesque village.

Kevin repeatedly offered to help me, at least as a driver, but I refused — it was obvious he just wanted to know where he could find me. Then, he did everything he could, from his point of view — he gave me a new car with the words, "Spare me your seizures of self-reliant, okay? It is not a help, but it is a gift. I did not congratulate you on your birthday." Kevin knew that I would accept the daisies and the car even from an enemy. Kevin was not the enemy to me, but so was not a friend... Perhaps, it is ridiculous, but I cannot imagine my life without a steering wheel and without my favorite flowers. However, I just could not afford a decent car, because I should to get a new house at first.

By the end of November, when I had a divorce certificate and a purchase contract of my apartment, I left, with the boundless feeling of freedom — of the freedom, not of the loneliness. Kevin requested me to calling him, and he was waiting for my invitation to visit me. I did not make him no promises. After leaving the boundary of the city that was once mine, I threw out my old sim card. I did not want to hear echoes of my past... whatever that is, in my "different" life.

At this point, it would be better to say, "I walked wherever my fancy took me..." However, it was more prosaic, because I drove by a pre-established list of settlements. The third on my list was the most suitable. It was a small village with well-groomed houses, it situated on the edge of a forest. When I was driving along its main street, I felt (the notorious female intuition) this is my place, even despite November — the dirtiest, gray and dead month of the year for me. "If I feel well here in late autumn, it means that I will fall in love with my new homeland in the fragrant flowered may," I thought.

Find the selling land was not difficult here. For that, I had to do was go to the store in the village, since the locals knew about each other everything and even more. To my question, "Do you know anyone sells land plot in your village?" I was asked a counter-question with a distrustful gaze, "Why did you come to the middle of nowhere?" and only after my evasive answer, which is hardly been interesting for them, because I was sure they will come up with a story much more colorful than my own; told me the names and addresses of anyone who sells the land.

A one acre bordered on one side by a forest, on the outskirts of the village-that is happiness! I am lucky. I found my desert island! By the way, it was just two hundred miles off my native city. A car ride would take no more than four hours. Nevertheless, the difference ways of life between my previous and my new place of residence — more than a decade. This frightening contrast fascinated me at the same time.

Things were so much easier around these parts — the doors do not locked even at night, let alone the gates that is no lock at all, everyone greets you on the street, and the neighbors always ask if I need help; there are no traffic jams ... but so is no the roads. However, the SUV given to me by Kevin have coped easily with such trifles as fragments of pavement.

On the first day, I took lease of a small mud-brick home is the only rent-a-house, in which I had to live for several months, until I construct my own home. There were thirty-five square meters divided into two rooms, or rather three if you count the bathroom, an old sofa, a few old armchairs, hot plate and a semblance of a shower cubicle at my disposal. In fairness, I must say that this place was spotless: with fresh-painted walls, a polished furniture, and fresh-painted wooden floors. Obviously, owner took care of his house and of his garden, though he did not live here.

I spent two weeks documenting land ownership. All I cared about was the ready-made plan of my new house now. I could not find a suitable on the Internet. I had to buy a special program and drafting my design single-handedly. After a month of torment the plan of my house was on my laptop screen, it was exactly how I saw this going down. I sent the finished project to the company that engaged in the construction of wooden houses to calculate its value. I was promise to respond immediately after the end of the holidays.

Mom called me a week before the New Year, she invited me and husband to come to her in Italy — I still have not told her about our divorce. Our dialogue was long and difficult, more like monologues one by one; my mom's monologue had consisted mainly of exclamations and phrases: "I warned you, do should not pamper adults!", "Who asked you to sell business!"; "I knew that this would happen!" So anyway, our dialogue was very constructive as always.

When I told her about moving to the village, mom declared that I am crazy and turned off Skype. Half an hour later, she called back and tried to talk me out of the insane idea of seclusion. She even wanted to come to me, which had never happened before, usually my husband and I flew to her, but I told her not to, at least until I build my own house. This was followed by an offer to move to Italy, I also refused. In the end, our conversation came down to the celebration of the New Year. My statement that I will spend the night from 31 of December to 1 January in my bed, like any other, was the final blow to her. At this moment, she thought that her daughter lost her mind and arguing with her is meaningless.

My mom always knew it was pointless to try to talk me out. When there is something I want, no one cannot stop me. I am like a locomotive rushing towards my desires — sometimes unjustified, ridiculous and sometimes bringing disappointment, but I have never regretted it not for one second. At least, if you follow your heart you have a chance for true happiness. Otherwise, you can live a whole lifetime and realize that everything you have been striving for all of your life has nothing to do with your true wishes; that everything around was someone else's: your surroundings, the work with that you spend most of the time, the city. When we drown out the voice of the heart by everyday bustle, we lose real ourselves and begin to live by inertia. And for a while it seems to us that we follow our own path, which is essentially far from the true it, and people we loved had been enemies and meaningless emptiness.

I cannot say that my current running away is an attempt to find the happiness, it is no; the peace and quiet is yes. Deep down, I have been feeling like I am a cat, which had gone away to die alone. Just my death was clinically, and the village was a resuscitation.

My passion for building the new home did not allow me to reminisce about the old days. After selecting the fence, I started to think about the fireplace; finding the right model, I was musing on the terrace layout. I was designing the color of the roof, the distance from a fence to the front of the house, the number of pines in the courtyard, a place to set up the barbecue. I thought about anything but my ex-husband and girlfriend. I was filling out, like a graph paper, an every cell in my mind, and in it; there was no room for my past. Books was a sleeping pill for me, because when I was immersing in author's fictional world, I was supplanting my own world. Only dreams treacherously have tried to dip me in the old life, every night causing me pain with their images of smiling Sam, of snidely laughing Mia and only sometimes, of Kevin giving me daisies.

A few more months I was woken up crying, and then I brewed coffee, opened my laptop and came back to reality. Fortunately, in the village shops did not sell a good whiskey, otherwise, I could go off on a winter drinking binge.

I cannot say that the winter passed quickly, not at all. On the contrary, it had lasted far too long. The monotonous landscape in white-gray shades over time started to fill me with disgust and the wish to paint the walls yellow. There was not a single evergreen plant in the garden. The brown branches of fruit trees sticking out in different directions strike me as the tentacles stretched to me by an ugly monster. I decided if I lived up to the spring, then I would have only conifers in my yard, but no apple trees, plum trees and cherry trees.

On the days when the graphite clouds covered the whole sky with a heavy, dense blanket to the horizon, I wanted to get into my car and rush into the mountains, where I had once spent a hateful week — it would be much nicer me to be having clinically dead in Kevin's mansion, not to mention comfort. However, I just clenched my teeth and continued to choose in online stores: bathroom shelves, bedroom curtains and a kitchen cupboard with more zeal. I admit, sometimes my own idea seemed insane to me, but the thought of a cozy house warmed my soul, I will just have to wait.

Since the end of February, I began to plant pines and junipers on a household plot, trying cheer myself up. In March began do the foundation for my home, put the water, build sewers — the work has begun and I have had no time for silly thoughts. My melancholy was draining away together with streams of melting snow. I again learned how to smile, since the daydream became tangible. In the middle of April, I already got a timber and workers started installation of the house, others were engaged in fence constructing.

As a result, I was able to move on July 30 on my very name day. I was overfilled with pride, delight and happiness, like a child who received a long — awaited gift from Santa Claus. My house was exactly as I imagined it!

I still remember the first night in my cozy bed, the first morning with a cup of coffee on the terrace; it was bliss, absolute bliss. All I had to do was add some final additions, such as textiles and decorative trinkets.

It seems the memories of ex-husband and once-close friend disappeared along with smells of paint, varnish and glue. I did not intend to make new friends, so I lived isolated. Perhaps, although I could not admit openly in this, I was grateful to them for ruined life, because I liked my "different" life much more. I think I learned to value the time, not in any hurry and even I cautiously to drive a car.

I realized that a loneliness is not always evil, but sometimes it is salvation. Only when we left alone with ourselves, we can understand what we really want, and what we will no longer tolerate. We begin to notice the details surrounding us and the people as they really are; after all, in the endless fuss of days, constantly being among the crowd, we drown out our inner voice with extraneous noises and lose ourselves.

Now it is clear to me why many people are afraid of a loneliness, even of temporary. I may be wrong, but I think this is due partly to the fact that people are afraid to know themselves, to see in the mirror without their mask. And those who know themselves well enough, but still fear a loneliness, are not interested in themselves. It is very sad.

So far, mom's every call has started with the question, "Well, is your depression not over yet? Are you going to return to town?" I have been laughing and answering that I was happy. However, my mother have been refusing to believe in such "nonsense" and I did not try to convince her. I have been enjoying the peace and quiet, hardly forcing myself to get out of the house for shopping. I've been waiting for the autumn with impatience, when I will could light the fireplace for the first time, and the winter no longer frightened me with its grayness, because I planted a pine forest on my whole plot.

One warm August evening, when I was sitting on the terrace, it became obvious to me that I built a house is the same as Kevin have, but smaller: the same wide low window sills, a huge fireplace, light yellow walls, wooden furniture with legs, the same terrace. It turns out that I recreated the place of my weeklong confinement, and so do I built brick wall, but an invisible that separates me from the rest of the world.

Only now I understand that a person for happiness first and foremost needs a place where he comfortable, where he can return after a long absence and feel safe...from other people's envy, dishonesty, betrayal and lies; needs the house from which did not want to escape, but on the contrary want to come back. A three-meter fence is necessary have to you, so that no one could enter and destroy your house, your world so easily. For many years, I was such housing even without doors, let alone a fence. Anyone could pretend to tired frozen traveler and enter my home to keep warm, and on their way out to break my window, just out of envy that in my house is warmer.

I got another insight this evening is that Kevin really loved me, although he not shouted about it. He is the only one who has bothered to know me really, and I think I figured out why he let them left me in the mountains. If Kevin stopped them, I would have to live amongst the deceit, hypocrisy and hatred for many years, and maybe they would stab me in the back too late and I would not have found the strength to rise again. Now I am still young, beautiful, and full of new ideas and energy to implement them. I want to do the manufacture of furniture again. In addition, I came up with a crazy idea of publishing in the small print run of my so-called diary.
Chapter 5

I was having a dream of the house on the mountain plateau and Kevin with a bouquet of daisies this night. I woke up and my heart sank with a longing. Today was my birthday.

Hastily taking the shower, and dressing, I took one copy of my book and left the house. I jumped in my car, bought a bottle of champagne on the way and rushed off.

I was racing the car as if I was late for my own wedding. However, the closer I was driving up to Kevin's house, then weaker I was stepping on the accelerator. I began to doubt, "Why would I want to go there?" "If there was someone waiting for me?" "Maybe there are other people living there already." For a moment, I felt like an idiot and even wanted to turn back, but I decided to do it even if I have to regret this.

When I approached to his house, I saw the passage was open; there were wrought-iron gates that were open in waiting for guests in place of the brick wall. My heart skipped a beat. I took a deep breath and stopped the car. Took my book, champagne and came in.

Kevin sat in the living room with a guitar in his hands; my favorite daisies were in the vase on the coffee table. For a moment, Kevin was froze seeing me, then slowly put the guitar away and approached me.

"What took you so long? Happy birthday, Margot!" he said so casually, as if I went out for some bread and a little late.

"Thank you. How did you know I would come here?"

"The male intuition," he smiled.

"Very witty, Kevin! But still?"

"Why do you need to know everything? Do leave room for fantasies... I am very glad to see you!"

"I am glad, too. Here, this is for you," I said giving Kevin my book.

"Did you wrote a book?"

"It is more like a published diary." I replied.

"Thank you, I'll read it today! Wait a minute," said Kevin and walked out.

He came back with some papers and handed them to me with the words, "With these documents in two weeks you will meet the delivering at the address indicated in the papers."

"What is it?"

"Equipment for furniture workshop. As I recall, the love of all your life is a woodworking."

I glanced at the invoice with a puzzled look. The necessary equipment really listed in it; the delivery address was the neighboring street in my village. I stared at Kevin in astonishment and was silent.

"Don't look at me like that! There is already prefabricated building for your new shop," he said like normal.

"Are you kidding? This is an insanely expensive gift! And ... how do you know where I live?"

"You are too naive Margot! Do you really think I just gave you the car for no reason? I knew I will never receive your invitation," he smiled, "And I wasn't sure you were coming, but, honestly, I was really hoping."

"So, did you put a tracking device on my car? You are a weirdo Kevin!" I laughed, then inquired quietly, "What do you need me for?"

"I do not know. Just... I need you... that is all!" Kevin replied and went on, "Do you mind if I pour myself a whiskey?"

"Do what you want, it's your house," I replied.

"It sounds tempting ...," he answered, giving me a meaningful look.

"It does not funny, Kevin! And pour one for me, too," I said.

Kevin just smiled. Then he approached to the sideboard, pulled out two glasses from it, filled them with whiskey and handed me one glass. I sat down on my favorite windowsill, out of habit.

"Please answer me one question, Kevin," I requested, "What does the inscription on the roof of the bathhouse, "Happy Birthday Margot! Stay here forever..." mean?"

"Better, go to the eye doctor. It says, "Happy birthday, Margot! Stay with me forever!", and not "here."

"Do you take me for a fool?"

"No, not at all. Let's go see it together, if you want?"

"Let's go!"

We went upstairs, entered the bedroom and come out on the balcony. "You can see for yourself," Kevin said.

I looked down. Actually, it read, "Stay with me forever." Turning to Kevin, I muttered, "But it can't be! I saw it with my own eyes..."

Kevin hugged me and told, "Sometimes the subconscious mind can play a dirty trick... and we see what we want to see or what we fear, rather than seeing what's there..."

Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, won't you please take a moment to

leave me a review at your favorite retailer?

Thanks!
About the author

Hello, my Dear Reader!

I will tell you a bit about myself. I am 35 years old, have two wonderful children and ... always wanted to write books. I start make up stories when I was 8 years old. There were fairy tales and poems. When I got older, for some reason decided I first need to save up for to start to write and not to have to worry about money. However, it just did not work out the way I thought it would. Working as an economist, I never had time for my dream. Moreover, the money was going away as fast as was coming in. And one day, I left everything behind and move to the village far away from the urban fuss to fulfill my dream finally.

Do dream and never give up!

Best wishes from Veronica Raise!
