//Bruce: T-there's a bunch of - there's a bunch of -
//Bruce: Woah! You can move it back and forth?
//Adam: This is pretty cool.
//James: "Hello, it is me."
//Bruce: Xbox 3 -
//James: "Xbox!"
//James: We need a new character.
//James:  Don't we need -
//James: - we need a new animatronic character.
//Bruce: We do, we do.
//Adam: BOXY!
//Boxy: HEY I'M BOXY!
//Boxy: PS3 IS FOR F@#$%^S!
//James: Can you get that?
[laughing]
[laughing]
//Adam: There it is.
//Bruce: What is it?
//James & Bruce: Xbox World!
//James: Look at this creepo on it though.
//Adam: I think it's Baraka.
//Adam: Yeah, I- I can get it.
//Bruce: It's like frisbee!
//Adam: Okay, hold on.
//James: Sorry, I won't touch it.
//James: Look, I'm not touching it.
//Bruce: Wow!
//Bruce: That's amazing!
//James: And if they can't see, I didn't do that.
//Bruce: That's like a magic trick.
//Adam: You guys will have to believe us, take our word for it.
//Adam: When we hit the button, the Xbox tray closes.
//Boxy: NOM Nom NoM nOm NOM
//Adam: How do they get them next to those real cars?
//Bruce: Are those real cars?
//Adam & James: No!
//Bruce: Wait a minute! They're CG?!
//James: Xbox demo disk-makers put way more effort into it than PC demo disks.
//Bruce: They really did.
[very real coughing]
//James: Let's check the news!
//Adam: Whoa, hold on.
[wheezing Bruce]
//Bruce: James was right on -
//Adam: I wanted to- I just want to make sure there are demos on here.
//Bruce: Of course there are! Doom 3, Black Hawk Down, Juiced, Area 51, Psychonauts, Darkwatch!
//James: PSYCHONAUTS?
//James: We just watched this.
//Adam: It's like a DVD menu?
//Bruce: Hold on.
//James: Action not available.
//James: Stop this, why are we here?
//Adam: I don't think this is a demo disk. I think it's just a DVD of-
//James: It's Xbox World!
//Bruce: No, it's a demo disk
//Bruce: We gotta go to news!
//James: You gotta check the news!
//Adam: This- this was authored on iDVD. You know this.
//James: Is this news?
//Bruce: Yeah, remember when 50 Cent made a game?
//James: But they're not telling us anything.
//James: I do. He made two games.
//Bruce: I remember when there was a time I thought Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson was going to take over the music world.
//Adam: What? 
//James: He did!
//Bruce: The acting world.
//Adam: He was in Moonlight, he looked amazing.
//Bruce: The video game world.
//Bruce: I thought he was going to do- oh he's in Moonlight?
//James: No no no no no.
//James: Adam's a racist.
//Adam: Oh.
//Adam: Was that not him?
//James: Oh my god.
//Adam: He looked like him.
//James: Oh, more news.
//Adam: Oh.
//Bruce: JoWooD!
//James: Look, he did it.
//Adams: This is not news. These are trailers.
//James: They meant NEWS as in NEW mul - plural.
//James: These are the NEW'S!
//Bruce: Oh, new games. NEW'S!
//Bruce: They call them NEW'S!
//James: Yeah, NEW plural!
//Bruce: That does make sense. I understand that from a demo disk point of view.
//Adam: Oh, Dead Rights 2. 
//James: Dead Rights!
//Adam: That was when he got a dog.
//James: Wasn't it just Dead 2 Rights?
//Adams: No, it was Dead to Rights 2.
//James: Oh, it's Dead to Rights 2.
//Bruce: Oh, did you see that hot fairy? You guys missed it cuz it was going so fast.
//James: There could be porn in this we wouldn't know.
//James: Oh, look at his walk cycle! 
//Bruce: His walk cycle!
//James: Looks like Adam playing 1-2-Switch!
//James: Break this.
//Bruce: Why?
//Adam: Because there's no games on it.
//Bruce: There are lotsa games! There's Doom 3!
//James: Shut up, Xbox!
//Bruce: "Put a- put a disk in me! Put a disk in me!"
//Bruce: Oh yes.
//James: That looks real sweet!
//Adam: Show the kids.
//Bruce: The Pewdiepie Resist The Nazi Invasion Game!
//Adam: Winston? What are you doing?
//James: Just call him Mr. Churchill.
//Bruce: I told you. This is Resist the Nazi Invasion.
//James: Killed in New York City?!
//Bruce: No -
//Bruce: No!
//James: An alternate reality where Winston Churchill dies- I don't care.
//Bruce: They spelled aggressive wrong, I think?
//James: Let's just assume it was right.
//Bruce: Alright.
//James: Oh no.
//Bruce: Wasn't it the Reich?
//Adam: The Third Rye-sh!
//Bruce: This is a weird alternate dimension.
//Bruce: That- that's Stalin, okay.
//James: Yeah.
//James: You can't win a battle on two fronts, Hitler!
//Adam: Watch!
//Bruce: You tryin to help him out for the future?
//James: Hitler, NO!
//Adam: Playable demos?
//James: They don't even have that game.
//Adam: Half-Life 2: Episode 2! Kane and Lynch?
//James: Half-Life 3!?
//Bruce: Wait- what about the Nazi-
//James: Where's the resistance game?
//Adam: My guess is they just sponsored it.
//James: Oh noooo.
//Adam: Ooh, where do we want it?
//James: I'm telling ya, always put it on the memory unit that way you can take it on the go.
//Bruce: Yeah.
//Adam: No, that's built in to the machine though.
//Adam: There's no memory card.
//Bruce: Yeah, it's one of the newer Xbox 360s from 2008.
//Adam: Look at his face.
//James: Warrior or Mage?
//Bruce: Hold on, do you like melee or magic?
//Adam: Yes.
//James: I was just gonna say, you have to choose between literal might and literal magic.
//James: I wanna be a wizard, but who's jacked.
//Bruce: You could do that.
//Adam: That's fine.
//James: That never happens.
//James: Where they have a jacked wizard so he's like, he's like, "I'm gonna do a fire spell after I knock you out!"
//Bruce: Harry Potter? He's jacked.
//James: That's true. He was pretty jacked.
//Bruce: Tonks? She had cool hair and she was jacked. 
//James: Yeah. Sure.
//Bruce: And a witch.
//James: And Ginny? Ginny was jacked. She used to put walnuts down and crunch them with her chin.
//Bruce: I remember seeing that in the movie.
//James: Yeah. They did that. No magic necessary. That's just might.
//Adam: "Sup Harry bruh? Wanna see me crack a walnut?"
//Bruce: Why did he say it so - so dramatically?
//Bruce: "Climb on my cock!"
//James: "Slide it between your thighs!"
//Bruce: Nice, look at those moves with that sword.
//James: Oh, Adam, please. 
//Adam: What?
//Bruce: You're gonna throw it right down.
//James: Adam, c'mon, they're still alive!
//Bruce: No, that guy was dead.
//Adam: That's horse food.
//Bruce: That's what he said.
//Bruce: "He was dead! That guy was dead!"
//Adam: Cool, rope bow.
//James: Rope Bow.
//Adam: Grab my rope.
//Bruce: Oh, it was a rope bow.
//Adam: And a relic.
//James: Nice. Good find.
//Bruce: Throw him off the cliff too.
//Adam: I- a corpse.
//Bruce: Can you pick it up?
//James: There you go.
//Adam: Little bit of a delay there.
//Bruce: Try to land him on your- oh what was that you just kicked off?
//James: Don't worry about it.
//Bruce: Try to land him on your horse.
//James: "Ride, boy!"
//James: Ooh, he hit with a thud.
//Adam: Oh, here we go.
//Bruce: Uh oh, bad guy.
//James: This guy doesn't hear you.
//James: Kick him! There you go.
//Bruce: Beautiful. Hear the nat- hear nature?
//James: Yeah, I can hear it.
//Bruce: I love it.
//Adam: These are the guys who made Dishonored
//Bruce: Uh, what!?
//James: This guy's insane, by the way.
//Adam: I love this narrator.
//James: "Hoooo, yes! And you just found the rope bow and now you get to use it!"
//James: Heee-yah!
// James: Oh, that doesn't help.
//Bruce: Wait, so what are you supposed to- oh fire it across the -
//James: In the middle?
//Bruce: Oh okay so we made a jungle gym.
//Adam: Yeah, yeah we can jump and grab it.
//James: Ah, shit.
//Bruce: "Those boxes are in your way!"
//James: Kick 'em, Adam, kick 'em.
//Bruce: "Kick the boxes!"
//James: "Yes, yes! Send the boxes flying!"
//Bruce: "Very good!"
//James: "Now jump to your rope bow and clutch it between your chest muscles!"
//Bruce: "Swing the rope back and forth between your thighs!"
//Bruce: "Climb the rope and get a weird feeling in your loins!"
//Adam: Gain access the- wait. What's happening?
//Bruce: What is- what happened?
//Bruce: "Your vision clouds!"
//Bruce: Why is it all white? Can you turn it off?
//James: Whoa, they have a load of thing-
//Bruce: Nice moves!
//James: Nice block!
//James: This must be real discouraging for this guy.
//James:"Ah, fuck!"
//James: Kick him, kick him! Kick him in his ass!
//Bruce: Aww.
//Bruce: Turn off the white thing. Can you get that off? Turn that off.
//James: Hit - hit up on the d-pad.
//Adam: Oh, it was that.
//Bruce: It was starting to hurt my eyes.
//Bruce: This is cool. I like this game.
//James: I do, too.
//Adam: I've been wanting to play it for a while.
//Bruce: What?
//Adam: Like, ten years.
//Bruce: So you're saying since 2006?
//James: I was gonna say, a hundred years?
//Bruce: Oh, what are you doing!? Oh. That was close. "That was close!"
//James: Uh oh, clutch it!
//Bruce: Ohh, you're dead.
//Adam: No.
//James: Oh, you're still fine! You can do anything!
//Bruce: "You jumped in the water and swam!"
//Bruce: "Take off your shorts!"
//James: "You're all wet."
//Adam: See, where did I come from? That's the question.
//James: "It's where - will you cum, that's the question!"
//James: Prepare a powerful strike!
//Bruce: Kick him in the back! What are you-
//James: That was a powerful strike?
//Bruce: Ooh, gotcha.
//Bruce: Man, you are really good.
//James: Nice, Adam.
//Bruce: Oh no!
//James: Oh no! He's down. He's paralyzed!
//James: "Don't kill me!"
//James: 'Don't kill me!"
//Bruce: Oh no, he wasn't dead, Adam! They could've rehabilitated him!
//James: "I can't feel my legs!"
//James: "Please don't kill me!"
//Adam: He wants some too.
//Bruce "I wanna have kids! Someone help! Someone help me!"
//James: "Save my sperm! Save my sperm!"
//Bruce: "Jerk me off before I die!"
//Adam: Oh god.
//James: Oof. Your adrenaline's full, X!
//Bruce: Oh yeah, fuck you.
//James: Hol- It says there do a powerful strike, you didn't do it!
//Bruce: It doesn't matter.
//James: There's instructions! Follow the instructions so we can see everything!
//Bruce: Oh my god.
//James: "Make sure I died cool"
//James: "Make sure I died cool! Tell my wife I was cool! Take my sperm!"
//James: "You heard the man, take his sperm!"
//Bruce: "And give it to me."
//James: "Yes, bring ME his sperm!"
//Bruce: "Bring it to me in your hands, not in a cup!"
//James: "I have a riddle for you: I want his sperm, gimme!"
//James: "Solve it, if you can, hero! Put it in your mouth, that's part of the riddle!"
//James: Nope, you heard nothing.
//James: There's giant blocks of texts telling you what it wants you to do.
//Bruce: Throw it.
//James: Bonk. Now stab him.
//James: Bonk.
//Bruce: Alright, now do the execution.
//Bruce: Oh gosh, he was already down!
//Adam: Do you think I can block arrows?
//James: Absolutely
//James: No, he can't.
//Bruce: No.
//Bruce: Wow, he's really good at it.
//James: Adrenaline! Oh, don't waste it!
//James: The hero we deserve!
//Bruce: Just kicking a corpse.
//James: "Jerk it! Jerk the lever."
//James: Oh, right there.
//Bruce: There it is.
//James: They were - what were they doing in there?
//James: Oh, cut the rope!
//James: RT to cut at the rope!
//Adam: What rope?
//Bruce: I don't see a rope, do you see a rope?
//James: Above, above! You drop the block on their head.
//Bruce: There. See?
//James: Oh, right there.
//James: He's-
//Bruce: Oh, he missed.
//Adam: It's pretty dark.
//Bruce: Dun matter.
//James: Goddammit.
//James: Huh, who's there, spirit!?
//James: Stab it in the spine.
//Bruce: He comes - he comes back from the dead after thousands of years and he gets kicked in the back.
//James: Oh, he's back! Finishing blow!
//James: Yep, the only way - the only way to finish an undead skeleton is to stab it through the spinal cord.
//Adam: Hold on.
//Adam: Yes!
//James: Alright.
//James: Wait for it to pop up.
//Bruce: Oh, there's two of 'em.
//Adam: It's always two.
//James: And then you also have your adrenaline.
//Bruce: They always- he's dead. They always-
//James: Alright, now use your adrenaline and heavy strike.
//James: OHHHHH!
//Bruce: Woah, one shot! I mean that guy's just kinda- he just kinda stabbed it. Just with this.
//James: But it went like, slow-mo
//Adam: Oh, look!
//Adam: He's just asking to be kicked into the spikes.
//James: There's one thing that goes right through his lower back.
//James: "That really paralyzes me."
//Bruce: New skill unlocked?
//Bruce: I love that every time they come back from the dead you kick 'em right in the back.
//Bruce: It's a really good thing that there are spikes all over the walls.
//James: I know.
//Bruce: Alright, you know what to do.
//Adam: Please line up, sir.
//Bruce: Nope.
//James: A little bit off there.
//James: There you go. A little bit more.
//Bruce: Yeah, just keep doing that. Just keep doing that.
//James: There you go!
//Adam: He kinda celebrates a little bit when he dies there. He's like, "thank you!"
//Bruce: You freed me!
//James: Woah!
//Bruce: Look at this!
//James: Oh! It's like a lightsabers.
//Bruce: The battle to end all battles.
//James: Then you both got tired.
//Bruce: That's what it said.
//James: "It's in my pants."
//Adam: Ohhh!
//Bruce: Soul drinker!
//James: Woahh!
//Adam: Spider key, found it.
//Bruce: Who's we?
//James: Come at me spider!
//James: How do you like a hot spine?!
//Bruce: I like the spider has nothing other than just to walk up to you.
//James: Well what is it
supposed to do?
//Bruce: Shoot webs like Spiderman.
//Bruce: Nice moves, didn't matter.
//James: Ok, stab it in the spine.
//James: X! X!
//James: Super strike!
//James: Hold!
//Bruce: Doesn't matter, it's dead. He killed it.
//Adam: It's a scrot -
//Bruce: Uh, it does look like balls.
//Bruce: Wait, is this the - was that the end?
//Adam:  Of course it's a demo.
//Adam: Would you like to buy it now, Bruce?
[inaudible James is inaudible]
//Bruce: Fuck.
//Adam: Alright.
//James: Kane & Lynch.
//Bruce: Kane & Lynch baby.
//Adam: Never played this.
// James: Neither have I.
//Bruce: Neither have I.
//Adam: Suppose to be a movie.
//Bruce: What is this about?
//James: Two best friends that might be gay get into trouble that's basically -
//Bruce: That's it?
//James: Yeah.
//Bruce: Two best friends that might be gay?
//James: Get into trouble.
//Bruce: All right, I'm in.
//James: Nice work, nice shots, good shots -
//James: - you killed a lot.
//Bruce: You're really good at this.
//James: This is the most efficient method they had for this?
//James: Oh no, is that uh - 
//Bruce: Norman Reedus?
//James: Norman Reedus?
//James: You have to shoot them Adam.
//Bruce: Look at that guy.
(Bruce laughing)
//James: Oh boy!
//Bruce: What the fuck...
//James: He's a maniac.
//Bruce: Why did he do that?
//Adam: Get it? He crazy.
(Ching chong fing fong in asian)
//Bruce: What is he doing?
//James: Nice toss, wow!
//Bruce: That was the worst toss in the world.
//Bruce: There you go, better.
//James: A little better.
(Adam wheezing)
//Bruce: Oh, got 'em!
//James: Nice toss.
//Bruce: He like threw a lemon at him.
//James: Oof!
(Bruce laughing)
//Adam: It's John Wick.
//James: So many - so many other things copy Kane & Lynch.
//Bruce: John Wick.
//James: John Wick.
//Bruce: Walking Dead.
//Bruce: GTA V
//James: GTA V
//Bruce: GTA IV I think, copied this too.
//James: Uhhh -
//James: I Love You Philip Morris.
//Bruce: Yeah???
//James: Wow, that one dinged, but it made it at the perfect (?)
//Bruce: It was, it was!
//James: Look at the ding!
//James: Oh, bad ding.
//Bruce: Oh, that didn't work.
//James: That's not right physics, that's wrong.
//Bruce: Got him anyways, it doesn't matter.
//James: Oof!
//Bruce: Did they kill you or jerk you off?
//James: He's like: "Don't worry buddy, I got ya!"
(Patting wet fish sounds)
//James: DON'T DIE ONNNNN ME!
(Bruce orgasms)
//Bruce: I'm back!
//James: God, you gotta stop throwing it so wild!
//Bruce: This is like Heat! Also heat ripped this off.
//James: Oh that's cool, look at the demo over sign.
(Bruce laughing)
//Adam: Alright, want me do porn?
//Bruce: Yes...
//Adam: Hi, welcome to the part of the show, where we look at pornography.
//Adam: Oh here's Dark Messiah.
//James: Oh yeah I remember that.
//Bruce: No, we've never met the goblin yet -
//James: Hold right trigger to heavy strike!
//Bruce: Look at his balls hanging down!
(all laughing)
//Adam: Oh that's in her butt.
//Yeah that's definitely in her butt.
//Adam: Alright, and that - that's the face.
//Bruce: Ouhhh...
//Adam: Oh!
//James: Eyy!
//Adam: Oh dear...
//Bruce: What happened to her boobs?
//James: "Hello Boys!"
//Bruce: Ew, gross.
//Bruce: That's Mass Effect.
//Adam: Mortal Kombat.
//Bruce: Mortal Kombat.
//Adam: Dark Messiah.
//Bruce: Dark Messiah.
//Bruce: Which one's the oily one on the right?
//James: You could be describing any of them.
//Adam: I think that's Lara Croft.
//James: Yeah I think that is
Lara Croft.
//Bruce: She is oily.
//James: Oh is that what you become? That's Saints Row.
//Adam: Yeah.
//Bruce: Yeah, you're right it is.
//Bruce: So those must be the Dark Messiah demons.
//James: Oh, I see, I see.
//Bruce: So Dark Messiah dancers.
//Adam: There's something going on - 
//James: Look at the attention to detail -
//James: - look yeah, there's something going on the background, and there's a van.
//Bruce: Is this Kane & Lynch?
//Adam: Yeah.
//James: There gotta be more than that.
//Bruce: I don't know...
//Adam: No -
//Adam: It wasn't that popular.
//Bruce: Hold on, there's a - there's a Kane & Lynch, uhhh - another section of Rule 34 that you didn't click on, without the underscores.
//Bruce: There you go.
//James: There we go!
//James: Oh no! Not Chainsaw Lollipop.
//Adam: Just go back to Kane there.
//Adam: He's got cool Oakleys.
//Bruce: Is that in the video game though?
//Lawrence: No, that wasn't in there.
//Bruce: What about that?
//Adam: Don't tell anyone - 
//Lawrence: Yeah, that was in there.
//Adam: Okay
//James: This will be our little secret.
//Adam: Aww...
//James: WE'RE GAY TOGETHER!
//Bruce: That one looks like you Adam.
//Adam: It is me!
//James: It is Adam!
//Adam: Why did they tag in Kane & Lynch?
//Bruce: Wait, how did they know?
//Lawrence: Wow.
//Bruce: Wait -
//Bruce: Wait, wait, hold on a minute, hold on a minute.
//Adam: Six months ago?!
//Bruce: Is this - six months ago, I was about to say, did somebody watching our livestream?
//Adam: Why - Why Kane & Lyn -
//Adam: Wh - 
//James: We did it!
//Bruce: They made that 6 months ago.
//James: We found him!
//Bruce: They knew!
//Elyse: Look at his tattoo.
//James: They even did -
//Bruce: They even added his tattoo!
//Lawrence: And that perfect vein running along the top.
//James: Aw man, that's great.
//Bruce: Adam, you should be proud.
//Adam:  I kn - I mean this isn't a
Photoshop so whatever.
//James: That's amazing.
//Adam: Wow, that's so weird.
//James: Well...
//James: That's a winner.
//Bruce: Nice job, nice job Rule 34.
//James: Way to go Adam.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
