 
A Twist of Fate

Misty Reigenborn

Copyright 2012 By Misty Reigenborn

Smashwords Edition

Cover Image Courtesy of keawpiko freedigitalphotos.net

Chapter 1

Sierra was sitting on her front steps trying unsuccessfully to understand her math homework as tears blurred her eyes when he walked by. She caught a glimpse of him in her peripheral vision and then glanced quickly back down at her book.

He was gorgeous she thought. Tall with dark blond hair that had a slight wave to it, pretty hazel eyes and a well-built body. But the whole town said he was bad news. He had money that a man his age, which she estimated to be about twenty-one, shouldn't have. It was known that he was quite a player, favored the "loose" young women in town. The ones who worked at the bars and other such places that the good Christian people of the town claimed not to frequent (though it was well known that many of them did).

Her boyfriend of three and a half years had broken up with her. She had found out not from him, but from a friend of a friend that he had been cheating on her for quite some time with the head cheerleader. Ilana was a pretty girl with a mop of unruly dark curls that never seemed to tame no matter what she did to them. Worse to Sierra though, was the fact that he had gotten Ilana pregnant.

So here she sat, on a Friday afternoon, on the front steps of her well-kept, suburban; four bedroom, three and a half bath home. Sierra had never understood the need for all the extra space. She was the only child of her mother and her stepfather had never fathered a child himself. She suspected that it was something more to do with her stepfather proving his manhood or his affluence or some such thing.

She was alone as her parents were away on a "vacation" on which she yet again hadn't been invited. It was something that had happened quite frequently in the past few years, as she had reached the age when she had been deemed by her stepfather as old enough to look after herself for a few days. She was trying to concentrate when her mind was still flooded with the betrayal of the boy she had thought she'd loved, the one she'd given her virginity to at the tender age of fifteen.

She sensed his step falter (strange that she didn't know his name Sierra thought- though she'd heard so much about him, the rumor mill running at high speed since he'd come to town a few months before). She felt a blush rise to her cheeks as she sensed his eyes drawn towards her.

She set down her book, rummaging in her backpack for her keys, deciding that it was time to go inside. She had turned to the door when his voice stopped her.

"You're Sierra aren't you?"

His voice was deep, quite nice she thought, adding more to his attractiveness.

She turned, once again feeling the blush creep up her cheeks. She snuck a quick glance at his face and then looked quickly down at her sneakered feet. "Yeah."

"I'm Luke. I'm having a party at my place tonight. If you aren't busy you should come."

"I don't really think. . . "

He laughed softly. "Hey, I'm not a bad guy. You can't believe everything people say around this town. 'Cause most of them have no idea what they're talking about."

She chanced another glance at him, and saw something in his eyes that belied his whole bad boy image. He was looking at her in an almost tender way. For a moment she fought back a sort of panic. He couldn't know what Austin had done to her could he?

Then she inwardly shook her head at herself and surprised herself by saying "Okay."

"It's the house at the end of the next block. The one with the beat up old Mustang in the yard. People will probably start getting there about eight." He gave her a look that put her right back to thinking people in town couldn't be completely wrong about him. "But you can come earlier if you want."

She nodded at him, inwardly kicking herself for accepting his invitation. What had she been thinking she wondered? She saw him light a cigarette as he walked away and sighed. She'd hated it when Austin had taken up smoking for a short time last year.

Her hand shook a little as she inserted the key into the door. She entered the house, quickly resetting the alarm.

She threw her backpack on the table, then dug a diet soda and a small container of low fat strawberry yogurt out of the fridge. She sat down at the table. She glanced at the clock, thinking that about now she'd usually be in the basement of Austin's house being pawed on the couch, trying to get a few minutes of quality make out time in before his parents returned from work and his little brother and sister arrived from their respective after school activities.

She sighed again, wondering if she'd have the guts to show up at Luke's house, or if she'd end up spending another night home by herself. The few close girlfriends she'd had throughout junior high she'd drifted apart from when her world had begun to be so wrapped up in all that was Austin. Now that she was without him, she had few prospects of people to spend time with.

What the hell maybe she would go to the party Sierra thought? It couldn't hurt to lose herself for the night. Forget about Austin and Ilana and maybe she'd have a little fun. Though she was a little leery of what might go on at a party thrown by someone like Luke.

Would she be the only one from her high school there or had he set out to seduce the whole senior class she wondered? She laughed a short, brittle laugh as she pictured a lineup of girls from her school entering and then exiting Luke's bedroom.

Hey she thought to herself, at least you're not the one that Austin got pregnant. That would have been a bigger mess. Her stepfather probably would have exiled her, sent her to some hideaway for pregnant teenagers, if those sorts of things existed anymore.

As the minutes ticked by she gave up on trying to do her homework and retired to her room, deciding that she would go to the party against her better judgment. He couldn't really be planning anything as crazy as a mass seduction of the young girls in town could he Sierra thought?

She dug through her closet, having no idea what to wear. She figured a dress would be the wrong way to go. She finally decided on an outfit that wasn't much different than what she was wearing. It consisted of a pale blue, long sleeved t shirt and a faded pair of blue jeans. She made herself a sandwich in the kitchen and turned the TV to a mindless sitcom. Her heart started to beat fast as the time ticked closer and closer to eight.

Chapter 2

Her stomach a little queasy from nervousness, she set out at a few minutes after eight.

She could see cars parked on both sides up and down the street as she neared the end of the block. She changed her mind about attending the party. She was turning around to head home when a hand touched her shoulder.

"Hey Sierra," Luke said. She could hear a slight slur in his words, could smell the alcohol on him through the pleasant smell of his musky cologne. "You weren't going to leave without saying hi were you?"

She shook her head at him, at a loss for words. Why did he have to be so good looking she wondered? Why did she have to be so damn lonely? She was barely eighteen. It's not as if she was going to turn into an old maid if she didn't make herself available to the next man who was willing to take Austin's place.

What am I doing here she thought? His house was packed with people. She recognized some from school and others she'd seen around town. There were people of seemingly all ages-kids in her class and a few juniors, to a few people who looked almost old enough to be her parents.

Luke seemed to be well on his way to intoxicated. There was pounding music that was already threatening to give her a headache. She wished with all her might that she'd stayed home.

"Lemme get you a drink." Luke took her hand, and dragged her along with him towards his packed kitchen. "What's your pleasure beautiful? Beer, wine, some fancy girly shit that only women drink?"

He grinned at her. She wanted to pull away from him until she caught a glimpse of what she'd seen in his eyes earlier. He almost looked lonely, though it seemed rather ironic for him to be lonely in a house full of people.

"I don't drink much."

"Let's try one of everything then. You're bound to find something you'll like."

The rest of the night was a blur. Sierra drank herself into a pleasant stupor and felt herself loosening up, having fun and forgetting about Austin.

She was dancing with Luke to a song she'd never heard before with words she couldn't quite make out when the sound of retching came to her ears. She turned to see Trevor Johnson projectile vomiting on the stunned teenage girl next to him. He had been the token "bad boy" before Luke came along; almost thirty and still living in his mom's basement. He'd also been busted for dealing drugs and for getting caught with a sixteen-year-old girl whose parents decided to press charges.

She felt herself bursting into uncontrollable giggles. Luke swept her into his arms, pulling her close. Everything faded after that.

Chapter 3

Sierra woke up the next morning reeling as the headache of hangover hit her. She rushed to what she thought was her bathroom. She only realized as she raised her head after she'd finished puking her guts out that she was not in her bathroom, nor was she in her home at all.

"Shit."

She looked down at herself. She was clothed in a baggy t-shirt which was most certainly not hers. Her legs were bare and from the breeze creeping up she realized she wasn't wearing panties.

"Oh boy."

She slumped to the bathroom floor, wrinkling her nose at the smell of vomit that still hung in the air of the cramped bathroom.

What have I done she thought? She heard footsteps and raised her head wearily to see Luke's smiling face looking down at her. She could feel herself turning red, wanting to hide her head in shame.

"Thought I heard you. Worshipping the porcelain god from the sound of it."

He reached a hand down and pulled her to her feet. She wavered for a minute, feeling a little shaky, and found herself in his arms. She pulled back from him, her face still on fire.

"You need anything?" He gave her a concerned look. "Coffee, orange juice, aspirin?"

She shook her head mutely at him. She was embarrassed at not remembering how she had ended up in what was a damned good assumption was his bed, clothed in nothing more than one of his t-shirts. She wanted to ask him, but found herself too humiliated.

"Your clothes are almost dry. They would have been done sooner, but I was a little too out of it last night to wash them and haven't been up for much more than an hour this morning myself."

"My clothes. . ."

"Oh darlin'." He led her to the kitchen and sat her down at the table, almost as if she were a small child. "Don't tell me that you don't remember anything from last night."

She bit her lip, looking at the mug of coffee he had sat in front of her instead of at him. "I . . ."

He sighed. "I know you said you didn't drink, but I guess should have taken you more seriously. You thought it was hilarious that Trevor puked on that poor girl until you took it upon yourself to not only get sick all over yourself, but all over me, too."

"Oh." She took a sip of the bitter brew. "Sorry." She could vaguely remember now. "So we didn't um. . ." She felt the blush creeping back up her cheeks.

"No honey. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I'd taken advantage of you. I helped you clean yourself up, then I put you to bed, and kicked everybody out soon after. And for the record, I slept on the couch last night."

"Thanks."

What was that little pang she felt; Sierra wondered? It couldn't be disappointment could it?

He brushed a lock of hair from her eyes, and she found herself looking right into his.

Sierra wanted him at that moment, wanted him like she'd never wanted anyone, not even Austin, who hadn't been that good of a lover at his best. She almost wished that he had taken advantage of her the night before. Then all of the awkwardness of first time sex would be over with.

What was she thinking Sierra wondered to herself? She barely knew him and even if he hadn't taken advantage of her the night before she could see in his eyes that he wanted her now. Luke was as painfully aware of the fact that she was sitting across from him wearing nothing but a t-shirt as she was.

His hand brushed her cheek. Her eyes drifted closed as his lips moved softly to hers. Oh, he could kiss she thought. She felt herself getting lost in the moment, forgetting that Austin existed. That she was eighteen years old and in little more than a stranger's kitchen.

He pulled back and came around the table, pulling her to her feet gently and leading her back towards his bedroom.

He was clothed only in a pair of draw string pajama bottoms. She drank in the sight of his well-toned chest. This was a man before her she thought. Not little more than a boy like Austin, who was two inches taller than her and had what amounted to the voice of a little boy which still cracked at times. Every inch a man from his well-defined arms to the barely there hair on his chest, to the fire she saw in his eyes when he looked at her.

And she wanted him, wanted him not like the girl that she still felt like at times, but as the woman she was turning into.

He paused for a moment beside the bed, taking her chin in his hand and forcing her to look into his eyes. "Sierra?"

"Mmm."

"You're sure you want this?"

"Yes." Her breath caught in her throat.

He pulled her into his arms and held her for a moment. She breathed in his scent. He smelled much better than he had the night before-like soap and a hint of aftershave, with a barely discernible hint of cigarette smoke mixed in.

He pulled back, kissing her deeply, his tongue hot and wet in her mouth. She could taste a hint of coffee mixed with the bitter taste of cigarettes.

He pulled his t-shirt over her head and led her to the bed. He rid himself of his pants on the way to the nightstand where he proceeded to rummage for a condom.

She watched him put it on with eyes half closed. She was a little scared, not of him, but of herself for wanting him so much. The rest of her was so excited she could hardly stop herself from jumping up to hurry him on with the condom.

She closed her eyes completely as she felt his weight hit the bed. His hands gently spread her legs apart. It was not Austin she was thinking about as he entered her slowly. It was Luke's name she cried out as he entered her more fully.

She moved her hips to meet his thrusts. His day old stubble softly brushed her neck as he kissed her. She felt herself biting lightly into his shoulder as she felt the heady rush of her first orgasm.

She felt him stiffen as he neared his own climax, and pulled his face down to hers for a kiss so passionate that she surprised herself. Her mouth almost seemed to devour his as she rocked her hips faster and faster until she felt him shudder above her with his final release.

He rolled off of her and discarded the condom in a wastebasket beside the bed. He reached across her to the stand on the other side of the bed where he'd left his cigarettes. He lit one, blowing the smoke lazily at the ceiling.

"You want one?" He held the pack towards her.

She shook her head, leaning back on the pillow. "It's a disgusting habit."

He laughed softly. "Yeah, I know."

She had her eyes closed, running her fingers through his chest hair, feeling herself start to doze when he said softly "Sierra."

She opened her eyes, feeling more comfortable next to him than she'd ever been with Austin. She'd certainly never lazed around naked next to Austin. Although how could she have, she wondered, since she'd only had sex with him on the couch in his parents' basement or in the cramped back seat of his car? Austin's car always seemed to smell like dirty socks which hadn't made her want to remain naked in it any longer than necessary.

"Yes?"

"You don't regret it do you?"

There was a serious note in his voice, which blew away any thoughts she might have had about other women he had been with.

"No." She kissed him lightly on the end of his nose. "I don't."

And I don't she thought. It felt right being with him, her mind free from thoughts of Austin and Ilana. From thoughts of her parents, from worries about college, even free from worries about where they would go from there.

"Good."

She could see that he meant it, that it mattered to him than she didn't regret jumping into bed with him when she barely knew him.

She laid her head on his chest and let herself fall asleep in his arms.

When Sierra awoke several hours later, she found that she was starving and that her earlier headache had managed to creep back up on her. She groaned as she sat up, looking around for Luke.

She could hear soft music coming from the direction of the living room. She rolled over, reaching for a cigarette out of the half crumpled pack on the table, deciding to see for herself why Luke chose to smoke.

She had lit it, inhaled and coughed out her first drag when he entered the room.

He grinned at her. "Trying to take up my nasty habit?"

She coughed again, handing the cigarette to him, wrinkling her nose. "I don't think so."

He laughed. "Probably better that you don't anyway." Then his grin faded and his face became serious. "Shouldn't you call your parents? Won't they be worried about you?"

She snorted. "My mom wouldn't worry if she was in town. And my stepdad is always glad to have me out of the house so that he can pretend that his trophy wife isn't the middle aged mother of a teenager."

"I'm sorry. My parents were glad to have me out of the house, too. I was nothing but a dead beat to my dad. He shelled out all that money for college when all I wanted to do was write songs. Boy was he glad when my uncle died and left me the house and his money. Well, not all that glad I guess. He'd been hoping that his big brother would leave the money to him. But he didn't mind too much when I dropped out of college and moved here to pursue my dream in peace."

She raised an eyebrow. "So that's where the money came from?"

He laughed. "Does it disappoint you? Knowing that you slept with someone who is not something exciting like a jewel thief or a drug dealer, but a guy who got lucky when his rich uncle died?"

"Do you really write songs?"

"Yeah." Sierra thought that he seemed almost embarrassed. "I've sold a couple, probably not anything you've heard. I've been lucky. And I've been investing some of my uncle's money so I should be pretty comfortable for quite a while. If I don't hit it big in song writing, you shouldn't see me working at your trusty neighborhood convenience store for a while yet."

"Hey. I might have to get a job at that convenience store if I want to pay for college."

"Your parents won't pay for school?"

"It's not that. My stepdad has plenty of money and would be more than willing to pay for college, if for nothing more than to get me out of the house. I don't feel right letting him pay my way. I don't want to feel like I owe him anything."

He nodded. "Your clothes are dry. You can take a shower if you want. Although I don't have any smelly girly soap." She wrinkled her nose at him. "I'll make something to eat, though I hope you like leftover pizza 'cause I don't have much else since the grocery store doesn't seem to be my best friend."

She laughed, then winced as her headache decided to remind her of its presence. "Wouldn't mind some of that aspirin you offered earlier."

"In the medicine cabinet."

She nodded at him, noticing that her now clean clothes were stacked on top of his dresser, her bra and panties folded almost primly on top.

She went into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. She removed the bottle of aspirin, taking two and replacing it.

She gulped them down with a swig of water she'd run into the small plastic glass beside the sink and stepped over to turn the shower on.

She luxuriated in the spray, liking his massaging shower head.

She toweled off quickly, wishing for her blow dryer so that her long dirty blonde hair would dry quicker. She walked naked into his bedroom, feeling a little giddy. What was she doing, she thought? She hardly ever walked around naked in her own bedroom, let alone that of a virtual stranger.

Somehow, he didn't feel like a stranger anymore though. She'd shared something with him she'd only shared with Austin. Austin seemed so adolescent in comparison to Luke.

She realized she wanted to know more about him.

She went into the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, munching on a slice of pizza. She sat down, looking at the pizza on the plate in front of her and wrinkling her nose.

"You don't like supreme?" She shook her head. "I can order you something. I've got a bunch of takeout menus. I'll get you whatever you want."

He rummaged around in a drawer and brought out a handful of menus. She looked through them, quickly deciding on the lasagna from a local Italian restaurant.

He went to the phone, and placed her order, then returned to the kitchen. He told her the food should arrive in about half an hour.

"Luke." Sierra bit her lip as she looked at him. "How'd you know my name?"

"I've seen you around town with your mom. And I used to see you with that guy all the time."

"Oh, I see. How old are you?"

He laughed softly. "I'm twenty-two. That's not too old is it?"

"No, I guess not."

Her food arrived soon after and she was grateful. She found herself growing uncomfortable again.

She still didn't regret having sex with him; it was a different feeling now. The lust had started to fade. She was beginning to wonder if she'd had her first one-night stand.

He walked her home later, not touching her. "Can I call you? Or would your stepdad come after me with a shot gun?"

She laughed at the thought of her stepdad running after Luke in a business suit waving a shot gun. "Fat chance of that. Let me give you my cell number. Then you won't have to worry about him or my mom."

He took out his phone; putting in the number she gave him.

She dug in her purse for her keys, unlocking the door slowly. She wanted to invite him in. Her mom and stepdad wouldn't be home for another two days. But what if one of the nosy neighbors mentioned something? She gave him a quick kiss instead.

"I'll see you."

Luke gave her what could only be called a cocky grin. "Definitely."

Chapter 4

And he did call her, the next weekend.

She told her mom that she was going out with friends; and instead walked down the street to his house.

Sierra started spending more and more time with Luke. She spent many afternoons with him as he was pretty good at math and history. She thought that it was nice to have someone help her study, though his attractiveness was a constant distraction. His habit of lounging around the house in nothing more than a pair of jeans drove her crazy.

Before long, they were having sex on a regular basis and she found herself initiating it more and sometimes sharing a cigarette with him afterwards. She felt herself almost forgetting about Austin. Spotting him in the halls at school, always seemingly with Ilana at his side; no longer held the sting that it once had. Her mom quit asking about him at home.

She'd begun telling her mom that she was spending time with a former junior high friend named Amy on the days and nights she was with Luke. She was glad that her mom trusted her enough not to question her further or simply didn't care. Sierra figured that it was some combination of both.

Time passed and she found herself closer to graduation, wondering what exactly she was going to do with her life.

She'd decided that she wanted to go into early childhood education, probably teach at a preschool. But she found herself thinking more and more of putting college off for a year. Though she didn't really think of him as her boyfriend, was too stubborn to put into words what she really felt for him besides the lust, she felt herself not wanting to leave Luke so soon.

Luke supported her decision to put college off, though she claimed it was more to save money for school than to stay by his side. If he sensed that he had anything to do with her decision to stay in town for another year he was discreet enough not to mention it.

He hadn't told her he loved her. She wasn't sure if he thought of her as his girlfriend. They simply let things go the way they were and didn't talk about it.

Chapter 5

One night a few weeks before graduation her mom stopped her when she was leaving to go to Luke's.

"I know you haven't been with Amy. You've been with that boy, that man. I can't believe you broke up with Austin for someone like that."

Sierra turned towards her mother angrily. She wondered what right her mother had to lecture her about anything to do with men. She'd married Timothy when Sierra's father was hardly cold in his grave. She had always believed that it was because he had money.

"First of all Mother, Austin broke up with me because he knocked up the head cheerleader. And I don't know what you think you know about Luke, but you're wrong. He's only a few years older than me. He's not a drug dealer or a pimp or any of the other bullshit the people around town seem to think. They're too stupid to take the time to really find out about someone. Plus I'm eighteen years old which makes me an adult. So what do you have to say about anything anyway?"

Her mother looked at her for a moment, seeming almost shocked. "Sierra," she started and then stopped herself, the angry gleam coming back to her eyes. "You may be an adult." Sarcasm dripped from her words. "But you still live under my roof and therefore under my rules."

"Last I knew you hadn't worked in how long? Shit Mom, did you ever work? You lived off of Dad, a man who I barely knew because he was so busy working to support your lazy ass; and you let it kill him. Then, you married Timothy simply because he had more money than Dad could have ever given you. So this is Timothy's house the way I see it. And he never cared enough about me to set any rules. I could be screwing the whole damn town for all he cares. If you don't want me under your roof anymore, I'm sure I can arrange that."

Sierra stopped, and took a breath; not daring to look at her mother. Had she gone too far she wondered?

She suspected that underneath all the frivolity, the yearning for material possessions, the plastic surgeries to hide the wrinkles, her mother did love her. She just chose to show it on very rare occasions.

Her mother stood there silently, glaring at her.

Sierra grabbed her purse and backpack from the table and headed to the door. "I won't be coming home tonight."

She slammed the door behind her. Part of her wanted to go back and apologize to her mother. Part of her was satisfied that she had finally told her mother off after all those years of remaining silent.

It had hurt to be left behind when her mom and stepdad took their quarterly vacations for the past four years.

It had been a long time since she'd felt that her mother was glad to have her around. She'd never felt that her mom was proud of her, no matter how good her grades were, or whatever else she accomplished.

She was out of breath by the time she made it to Luke's house. He opened the door and taking one look at her face, immediately pulled her into his arms, absentmindedly shutting the door behind them.

"What's wrong hon?"

"Gimme a cigarette." She slumped down onto the couch.

He complied, digging one out and lighting it for her.

He sat back, lighting a cigarette of his own and watching her.

"So," he said, after letting her remain silent for several minutes. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

She sighed, putting the cigarette out in an overflowing ashtray on the coffee table. "I had a fight with my mom. She found out about that I've been seeing you and tried to give me some shit about rules and it not mattering that I was eighteen because I still lived under her roof."

He took her hand. "Sierra, baby, you couldn't expect your mom to be thrilled about you spending time with me. Not a lot of mothers of eighteen-year-old girls would be celebrating them hanging out with a guy like me." He comically raised an eyebrow at her, trying to coax a laugh.

She pulled her hand away, picking a pen up off of the table and twirling it between her fingers.

"She doesn't care Luke. She doesn't want her reputation sullied by her daughter screwing around with someone like you." She laughed harshly. "I can't believe she let me go out with Austin for so long. It's not like his family lived up to her and Timothy's precious standards. Austin's mom works. His dad is the manager of a grocery store. They live okay, but they're not exactly in Timothy's income level."

"Hey." He pulled her head against his chest. "I'm sure your mom loves you honey."

"But that's just it Luke. Sometimes I don't know. It's not like she ever tells me."

To her embarrassment, Sierra found herself crying. Luke held her for a long time; saying nothing.

After a while she sat up. She took the tissue that he handed her from the box underneath the table, and blew her nose.

"You want to go out tonight? Go to a movie? See something stupid?"

She shrugged her shoulders. They didn't usually go out together, usually watched movies or TV at his house, or listened to music, and ordered take out.

He kissed her lightly, brushing her hair out of her face. "C'mon, it'll be fun. You can take your first ride in my car. I finally got it back."

He'd given up on the idea of restoring the old Mustang himself and had sent it out to be done professionally.

She brightened a little. "Okay."

He went to the bedroom, coming back out in a tight black t-shirt.

"Ah," she teased, feeling her mood lighten. "Do you really have to put that on? I like you so much better without it."

He laughed. "If I went out in public like that I'd have to beat the women off me with a stick."

She scowled at him. "Like you don't anyway."

He kissed the side of her neck. "I don't need any other women."

She felt a little thrill go through her at his words, but again wouldn't let herself read too much into it. Even if she was staying in town another year, all that meant was that they'd have that year together. She couldn't let herself think of anything beyond that.

He grabbed his keys off the hook in the kitchen and pulled her out the door with him.

"By the way, I'm spending the night."

"Mmm. I can think of all kinds of interesting things we can do with those extra hours."

She slugged him lightly in the arm as he came around the car to open the door for her.

"You asked for it." He grinned.

"Nice car," she said as he slid into the driver's seat.

"Yep. Got myself a nice car, and a pretty girl to spend the whole night with. Life is good."

She laughed.

"And you don't know the best part yet, love. I haven't told you what I'm giving you for graduation."

She raised an eyebrow. "And what is that?"

"A weekend of hot sex with me of course."

She rolled her eyes at him as he made the turn to pull into the crowded parking lot of the mall. "What makes you think I'd want that?"

"Nah, seriously, I'm taking you away for the weekend. How much of it we spend in bed is up to you."

She gave him a quick kiss as he opened the door for her, taking his hand.

"Let's go find a movie to watch. Something that will keep your mind out of the gutter for a couple hours."

"Nothin' keeps my mind out of the gutter for long darlin'."

They were on their way to check out what was playing at the theater when Sierra stopped. She felt her breath catch in her throat.

"Si." Luke noticed she had stopped unexpectedly in front of the food court. "You want to get something to eat before we see a movie?"

She shook her head. Her eyes were locked on the sight of Austin and Ilana coming towards them, hand in hand. He noticed the direction her eyes were taking and started to pull her towards the theater, but it was too late. Austin had already spotted them.

"Hey, Sierra. Long time no see."

She wanted to laugh. It's not like she didn't see him in the halls at school every day and in class. "Hey Austin, hey Ilana."

Ilana was starting to look pregnant, and Sierra supposed she should be, being four or five months along now.

"Don't think I know your friend." Austin looked at Luke.

She almost dropped his hand then, feeling almost embarrassed to be seen with him.

He was nothing to be ashamed of she thought. He was much better looking than Austin in all honesty.

Austin was about 5'7, with light brown hair. He was a little on the skinny side, though he liked to think of himself as "wiry". Ilana was an inch or so taller than him.

Luke was six foot, muscular and had everything going for him, besides the stupid reputation that he still carried among the ignorant (which seemed to remain predominant as her mother had shown her this afternoon) in town.

"This is Luke, my. . ." She paused, at a loss for words.

What exactly was he, she wondered? Her fuck buddy? She felt her face start to go hot. Then Luke stepped forward, holding his hand out to Austin.

"I'm Luke, her boyfriend. Her boyfriend."

She wasn't sure if she repeated it for Austin's benefit, hers or his own.

"Oh, okay," Austin said. There was a note in his voice, to Sierra it almost sounded like jealousy. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." Luke put an arm around Sierra's shoulders. "We'd better get to the theater. Wouldn't want to miss the movie. You two have a good one."

"Yeah, you too. Bye Sierra."

She could feel Austin's eyes on her as Luke pulled her away. She wondered what he was thinking. Then she wondered why she cared. She hadn't truly thought about Austin in a long time, in anything more than a casual way. And she had Luke so. . .

But it had been a shock to see him here with Ilana when she was venturing out with Luke for the first time in the months that they'd been what? Sleeping together she wondered again?

She looked up at him as they neared the theater, pretending to be pondering the titles that were showing on the screen outside the ticket booth. "Boyfriend?"

His eyes were serious when he looked at her. "Would you rather I told him that I'm the guy you've been fucking for the last couple of months?"

She felt herself blushing, and was glad that there was no one near enough to them to hear what he had said. "No."

"Would it hurt to think of me as your boyfriend?"

"I guess not."

He got down on one knee then, taking her hand like he was proposing.

"Sierra Collins, will you accept my humble proposal of being your boyfriend?"

"Get up you jerk." She giggled as she helped pull him back to his feet.

"So what shall we see girlfriend?"

They decided on a romantic comedy; that ended up not only not keeping his mind out of the gutter but driving hers there as well. They decided to go back to his house and order a pizza.

By the time the half hour had passed that the pizza delivery promised they were both half out of their clothes on the couch. He cursed when the doorbell rang.

"Shit."

She grabbed her shirt and bra off the floor and hurried in the direction of the bedroom.

"Meet you in bed."

He groaned as the doorbell rang again. "Just a minute."

He pulled open the door, pulling out his wallet and shoving a twenty at the startled delivery man. "Keep the change."

Sierra was waiting for Luke naked in his bed when he got to the bedroom after having thrown the pizza box onto the kitchen table.

He shed his jeans and boxer briefs, fumbling towards the nightstand drawer for a condom.

She stopped him with a hand on his bare butt.

"Don't bother. I'm on the pill and I want to feel you."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

Chapter 6

When Sierra woke up in Luke's arms the next morning, she felt at home.

She moved her head off his chest, feeling the undeniable urge to urinate. She used the toilet, and then took a quick shower.

When she returned to the bedroom, she found him sitting up in bed, rummaging in the pocket of his jeans for a cigarette.

"Nothin' better than a naked woman in the morning." He gave a contented sigh as he lit his cigarette.

"Like you haven't seen many a naked woman in the morning." She gave him a mock glare.

"I don't want to talk about other women. I don't want to talk about Austin and his pregnant girlfriend. I don't want to talk about what's going to happen when you go away to school, Si. I want to enjoy being with you here, now."

He pulled her into his arms, stubbing his half smoked cigarette out in the ashtray beside the bed.

"Okay."

After a few minutes of heated kissing, he pulled back. "If I don't eat I'm going to starve to death." As if on cue, his stomach growled.

She laughed. "Men and food."

"My favorite things in no particular order are food, sex and music."

He tugged on her hand, trying to drag her to the kitchen with him.

"Let me get dressed first."

"Cold pizza doesn't discriminate against pretty naked girls."

She rolled her eyes at him, reaching down to pull her panties on.

He rolled his own eyes at her, reaching for his jeans. "Fine, we'll eat our cold pizza like civilized people. But I refuse to put on a shirt as I know my favorite green eyed blonde happens to prefer me that way."

She laughed as she finished pulling her shirt over her head. "Why, yes I do. The view is much better that way. Although it does get a bit distracting at times."

"Quit talking about distractions or you'll distract me right back to bed."

"I think you're addicted to sex," she teased lightly, now letting him pull her towards the kitchen.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Look who's talking. You're the one that picked that dirty movie last night."

"Dirty movie." She snorted. "How was I to know that a romantic comedy would be so sexual?"

He popped two slices of her side of the pizza into the microwave and then set about making a pot of coffee. "Romance equals sex."

"Romance does not equal sex. Sex can have absolutely nothing to do with romance and romance can have absolutely nothing to do with sex."

He placed the plate on the table in front of her and put the plate that held the slices of his side of the pizza into the microwave. "Good romance leads to sex."

"Such a man. You don't think that you can spend a romantic evening with someone without ending up in bed with them?"

"Unfortunately love." He turned away from her. "I'm not too schooled in the arts of romance without sex."

She picked at her pizza, not knowing what to say to him. She was teasing him, but he seemed almost hurt by it.

Sierra admitted to herself that she was conflicted. Was he in love with her she thought? Was she in love with him? She had been with Austin for so long and now thinking back on it, she hadn't ever really loved him in anything more than a puppy love kind of way. She cared about Luke. She liked being around him. He was everything a woman could want in a man. Good looking, thoughtful, smart. He had a nice chunk of change in the bank.

But what did he want from her, and she from him?

She was scared all of a sudden, wondering what would happen when the time came for her to leave for school. She looked up at him as he sat down at the table. He put a mug of hot coffee in front of her and pushed the cream and sugar her way knowing that the only way she drank coffee was if it was loaded with both.

"Luke, I . . . I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault."

He took a huge bite of pizza. She had to laugh as the sauce dripped down his chin. The tension broken, he said "Do you think your mom will let you go away with me?"

"I don't know. I suppose there's not much she can say about it. If push comes to shove, I can find someplace else to live until I go to school. And I can find somewhere else to get a loan for the extra money."

"If it's going to be that big of a deal I can cancel the reservations. I wanted to do something special for you and it always nice to get away."

"'I appreciate it. I really do Luke. You're a big teddy bear in disguise."

He snorted. "Yeah right."

"Okay. Maybe not a teddy bear. I sure hope that teddy bears don't have your sex drive." She laughed. "But you are rather thoughtful whether you like to admit it or not."

They finished their breakfast in silence. Then she rose from the table with a sigh, coming around and placing a quick kiss on the top of his head.

"I suppose I should get home before my mom decides to rent out my room."

He got to his feet; pulling her into his arms for a kiss that was so full of passion it almost knocked her off her feet.

"She wouldn't do that. Besides, it's not like they need the money."

"Suppose you're right." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she bent to grab her purse and backpack from the floor beside the couch.

"You want a ride home?"

"Nah." She shook her head. "It's only a few blocks and it's probably better if you don't anyway."

He nodded to himself, walking her to the door. "I'll call you."

She smiled at him as she opened the door. "You'd better."

Chapter 7

She walked home slowly, almost dragging her feet, not looking forward to the confrontation with her mom.

When she opened the kitchen door, her mother was sitting at the table. Her eyes were puffy, as if she'd been crying.

Her mother never cried Sierra thought, even when she had one of her knock down drag out fights with Timothy.

"Mom, is something wrong?"

"I was worried about you Sierra. Is it wrong for a mother to worry about her only child?"

"Mom, you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine."

"I get scared sometimes Sierra Anne. I see you slipping away from me. You're not my little girl anymore. I look at the woman you're turning into and I wonder where all the time went. I know I haven't been the world's best mother, but I do love you."

Surprised at her mother's words, words that so frequently were left unsaid; she stepped to the table and put her arms around her mother.

Her mom felt really small to her all of a sudden, and she realized once again that her mother was getting older.

She wasn't old really. But she wasn't a young woman anymore either. She missed her father like she hadn't let herself miss him in years.

Her mother pulled back and the moment was broken. "I suppose you were with that young man then?"

Back to her old mother she thought. She could see the disapproval brewing in her mom's cold blue eyes.

"Yeah. Do you want to meet him? I'm sure he would come by the house if you wanted."

"That's quite all right Sierra Anne. If you insist on seeing him, I'd rather you kept him away from what you so aptly put last night, as Timothy's home."

Sierra fought back a sigh. "Okay Mom."

She chanced one last look at her mother as she headed to the stairs and the comfort of her bedroom.

Her mother had gone back to the fashion magazine in front of her and seemed to be dismissing her as usual.

She went back to avoiding her mom and stepdad as much as she could. Nothing more was said about her relationship with Luke.

Chapter 8

Graduation day came. Sierra was nervous as she walked up on the stage in her cap and gown to accept her diploma with the rest of her class.

She could see Austin and Ilana sitting next to each other in the H section. Austin was Harris and Ilana was Harrison. She'll barely have to change her name if they get married Sierra thought, fighting back a nervous giggle.

She looked out at the audience, seeing her mother and stepfather sitting towards the middle, Timothy's arm draped possessively over the back of her mother's chair.

She couldn't believe what her mother was wearing, dreaded to think of the price that the too fancy for a high school graduation dress had cost.

Her eyes scanned the crowd looking for Luke. He was seated alone towards the back.

She felt a bead of sweat drop down the front of the light spring dress she was wearing beneath her gown, to rest uneasily between her breasts. Luke's eyes met hers and he gave her an easy smile. She could tell his mind was already on the weekend they would spend together. The trip that had been uneasily approved by her mother after her stepfather had thrown an absolute shit fit over the prospect.

It had surprised the hell out of Sierra when Timothy had called her his daughter, even after he had basically stepped into her father's place fourteen years ago; only months after her father had had a fatal heart attack behind the wheel of the truck that he drove for a living.

But her mother had told him that Sierra was an adult and was fit to make her own decisions whether they were wise or not.

So, the trip to the nearby bed and breakfast was on for the next weekend. She felt a little thrill at the thought of spending the whole weekend with Luke.

As she stepped up to accept her diploma from the principal, Sierra looked into the audience and saw that her mother was crying, her mascara running unchecked down her face.

Timothy was beaming. She felt a flash of love for both of them.

She looked away from them as she went back to take her seat and looked towards Luke. He was grinning and giving her the thumbs up sign.

Sierra felt good. She had the summer ahead of her to look for a job and plenty of time to spend with Luke. She was done with high school. Her whole life awaited her.

She watched the rest of her class receive their diplomas, and then joined them when they threw their caps in the air.

She walked down the steps carefully in her high heels, a little unsteady on her feet, searching for her parents in the crowd.

She spotted them. When she reached them was surprised to find Timothy chatting with Luke about investing in the stock market. Her mother had made a trip to the bathroom at some point, cleaning her face of the smeared mascara and reapplying her makeup.

Her mom gave her a quick hug, glancing at the two men arguing next to them. "Men and money." She rolled her eyes.

Sierra smiled. Luke took her hand.

Sierra thought that the after party at her home was pretty nice, though she noticed that most of her stepdad's friends and family tried to ignore Luke's presence as much as possible. Sierra didn't give a shit if her boyfriend wasn't good enough for them. He was more than good enough for her.

She was thrilled with the gift that her mom and Timothy had given her, a sporty little two door car. She received several cards from various relatives with varying sums of money tucked in and was gratified when her real dad's mother was in attendance, as she hadn't seen the woman in years. Her grandmother seemed to approve of Luke wholeheartedly, calling him a nice respectful young man.

When the party winded down, she gave various relatives and family friends hugs and thank yous. She was pleased to learn that her grandmother would be in town for a few more days. Sierra would be able to spend some quality time with her; something she hadn't been able to do since she was a small child.

She lingered with Luke in the front yard after the rest of the guests had left. Her mom and Timothy had retired to the house, both of them more than a little drunk from the champagne they'd consumed.

He pulled her into his arms, his lips brushing her ear as whispered "I love you, Sierra Anne Collins."

She felt her heart beat faster. He'd said it she thought, for the first time since they'd been together and now there was no going back. She put all the thoughts and worries out of her head about her age, about the future. "I love you too, Luke." She knew she meant it, too.

He grinned at her, sweeping her into his arms for a moment, then he gave her a heart stopping kiss. "Can't wait 'til next weekend."

"You. Always with the sex."

"You don't seem to mind." He gave her a cocky grin. "You haven't kicked me out of bed yet."

"I didn't think it would be polite to kick you out of your own bed."

"Uh huh. I'll call you in a couple days. Let you spend some time with your grandma."

She nodded, wishing that she could go home with him, but knowing she should go into the house, try to clean up some of the mess that the guests had left behind. She assumed her parents were passed out upstairs.

He kissed her again. "Bye babe."

"Bye Luke."

She stood in the yard, and watched him get into his car and drive away. She watched until she could no longer see his tail lights then went into the house with a sigh, not looking forward to the mess that awaited her.

It wasn't as bad as she'd thought though, since there hadn't been that many guests. It only took her a little over an hour to clean up the mess. She took the trash bags out to the outside garbage cans and then took her cards with her to her room. She could hear her stepfather snoring down the hall and giggled softly as she counted her cash. There was a little over $3,500.

It would definitely hold her over until she could find a job and should give her a little something to put away towards her part of her funds for college.

Timothy had assented to her idea of paying for a third of her education, though he had seemed almost insulted at first. She'd wanted to pay for half, but figured that he could afford it and also that she probably wouldn't be able to make that much money working for a year.

Sierra lay down to sleep that night, exhausted from her long day but content with her life.

She awoke early the next morning, went downstairs and found Timothy in the kitchen reading the financial section of the paper. Her mother was still sleeping.

"There's coffee if you want it." He pointed to the half full pot.

"No thanks. I hardly drink the stuff."

He nodded at her. "Have fun with your grandma."

"Thanks."

"You'll be home for dinner right?"

"Yeah, should be."

He went back to his paper. She had grabbed her purse and was about to head out the door when his voice stopped her. "That Luke isn't such a bad kid, but you be careful you hear? Wouldn't want you to end up like your last young man's new girl."

She rolled her eyes and then turned back to him. "I promise I won't get pregnant Timothy."

He gave her an offhand nod and went back to his paper once again, dismissing her.

She spent a busy three days with her grandma. They met Luke for lunch the second day.

When it came time for her grandma to leave she waited at the hotel, standing by her new car as her grandma drove off, promising to keep in touch and promising that she would make it a point to make at least semi regular visits once she was in school.

On Friday morning, her cell rang. She flipped it open, seeing it was Luke. She felt a stab of panic. He was supposed to pick her up for their trip in less than two hours. What if he was calling to cancel? She hit the button to answer. "Hello."

"Hey Si. You almost ready?"

She let her breath out, so relieved she almost couldn't believe it. "Yeah, I'm finishing packing now."

"Women and clothes. Don't bring too much. We're only going to be gone two days."

"I may be my mother's daughter, but I've got some of my dad in me too, you know. I could live pretty contentedly with nothing more than jeans and t-shirts."

"It'd be fine with me if you didn't bring any clothes at all."

She laughed, shoving her hairbrush into her duffel on top of her toothpaste and facial cleanser. "I don't think my mom would appreciate it if I walked out of here naked."

He seemed to ponder for a moment. "You can always strip in the car on the way."

"Don't think so, Luke. Wouldn't want you getting in an accident."

"I'll have to settle for you getting naked as soon as the door of the room is locked then."

"I thought you had something planned for this trip other than sex."

"That I do. But sex is always on my list of priorities and you have been neglecting me lately."

"Ha."

"We all have our own definitions of neglect. I'm gonna let you go now so you can finish packing. I will see you in exactly one hour and thirty-nine minutes."

She laughed. "If you say so."

She spent the rest of the next hour and a half flipping through magazines she hadn't had a chance to read. She was downstairs waiting in the living room when Luke rang the bell exactly one hour and thirty-nine minutes later as he'd promised. She jumped up, grabbing her bag and her purse, giving her mom a quick kiss on the cheek.

Her mother looked up at her. "Have fun dear."

"Thanks mom. I love you."

"I love you too. Sierra."

"Yes Mom?" She handed the bag out the door into Luke's waiting hands.

"Use protection."

She could feel herself blushing. Luke was smirking at her. "Yes Mom."

Luke was laughing by the time they made it to the car. "What?" She gave him a dirty look. "You're not a girl so you never had to worry about your parents lecturing you about getting knocked up."

He threw her bag into the back seat, going around the car and getting behind the wheel.

"You know they never lectured me about knocking a girl up?"

Her eyes widened. "You are so kidding me."

"I wasn't the stud in high school that I am now. I had to work to get this bod."

She snorted. "If you were a girl, you'd know what it was like to have to work to keep your body."

"Do you think these huge guns materialized out of thin air?"

She rolled her eyes, turning on the radio. "So when am I gonna hear one of your songs on the radio? When are you gonna let me see something you've written? Better yet, will you serenade me with a love song you've written for me? I won't take my clothes off for you again until you do."

"Enough with the picking on Luke. I happen to be very sensitive about my craft. I have in fact written a sappy love song for you, but you ain't never gonna hear it unless you quit giving me shit."

She sat back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest, giving him a mock pout. "What good is it to have a song writer for a boyfriend when he won't sing for you?"

"I never said I could sing."

"But you have such a sexy voice."

"Ah, now with the flattery. My sexy as you put it voice doesn't mean I can sing. Believe me, I've tried. My parents moved me to the basement when I started trying out some of my own material. I can play the guitar though, so I'm not totally useless."

She reached into the console to steal one of his cigarettes. "I can think of a lot of skills you'd have to lose before you'd be totally useless."

He raised an eyebrow at her, watching her light the cigarette. "It really is a disgusting habit."

"I know. But I got so used to the taste of cigarettes on your tongue that I kinda got to like it."

He groaned. "Don't make me pull this car over. Little miss innocent, little miss Luke is the one who is addicted to sex."

"The thing is." She blew smoke out the window. "I had to find somebody who knew how to do it right before I could discover that I did like it."

"No more ex-boyfriend talk. No more insulting me or buttering me up to get me to show you my songs. No more talk of withholding sex. No more talk of sex period, or I really will have to pull this car over and hope that we don't get arrested for screwing on the side of the road."

"Okay."

"Good. So you had a nice time with your grandma?"

"Yeah. I wish I had known my dad better. He was gone all the time, driving all over the country. I was young when he died, so I don't really remember much about him. I have pictures of course, but I only have a few clear memories of him. I do remember thinking he must have been a giant. Of course to a little kid any guy who is over six feet tall would seem like a giant."

"Did your grandma tell you any stories about him? Like when he was a kid?"

"Some. She seems to be a lot more comfortable talking about him when he was a kid than when he was an adult. Which I guess is understandable. Who would appreciate their son's widow remarrying so quickly ya know? But I think that my mom has had that too good for people attitude for a long time. My dad wasn't like that. He worked hard, worked himself to death for his wife and child. I almost can't understand what he saw in her."

"Your mom can't be that bad. She does love you. She was bawling her eyes out at your graduation. Maybe part of the reason that she married your stepdad so quickly was because she knew that he could afford to take good care of the two of you."

"I suppose. Sometimes I wish she was more like the all American mom. The kind that bakes cookies and joins the PTA and stuff like that."

He laughed. "If only we could choose our parents. A lot of kids would probably be a lot better off. My parents aren't exactly good old mom and pop either. They were kinda scarce with the affection. Got pissed off when I didn't want to follow in the old man's footsteps. But they do love me. Sometimes rather grudgingly I'm sure but. . . So Miss Collins, have you put any thought in to having children yourself?"

She felt a sudden lump form in her throat and a moment of blind panic kept her from answering right away.

"I haven't really thought about it. Seems kind of weird I guess, because I want to teach other people's kids. But I'm still young and I want to finish school before I worry about any of that."

"Of course."

She could hear the trace of disappointment in his voice, though it was barely there. Oh shit she thought. What if he tried to propose to her this weekend? What would she do then? She'd been looking forward to spending the next year with him, with few strings attached.

She didn't mind seeing him exclusively. She had never been the type to want to attempt to juggle boyfriends, but with him asking even casually about children she was scared. She was only eighteen. He was only twenty-two, but sometimes that could mean a world of difference.

What if he was looking for something she wasn't willing to give she thought? She didn't want to think about breaking up with him. They had fun together. She could talk to him about anything (well almost anything) and the sex was wonderful, better than she'd ever imagined sex could be.

But great sex and good conversations wasn't worth leading him on.

She tried to put it out of her head as they pulled into the parking area of the B&B. It was a huge, nicely restored old house. The town they'd driven through to get there hadn't seemed to have much to it. She wondered what else he had planned for their weekend together.

He was silent as they walked towards the door, moving aside as he held it open for her. There was a pleasant looking older woman sitting behind a desk, who gave them a big smile when they walked in.

"I have a reservation for Stone."

"Yes sir. And this lovely young woman must be your bride?"

Sierra could feel her cheeks get hot, but then it dawned on her that maybe it would be easier for a woman of this lady's generation to believe that they were married, instead of coming here for a weekend so that they could screw in different surroundings.

Luke nodded at her as the woman handed back his credit card, giving them a key and pointing to the stairs, telling them that their room was the last one on the right.

He handed Sierra the key, telling her that he'd bring the bags from the car.

She wasn't sure what to do once she was in the room. It wasn't a bad room. It looked freshly painted with a shade of cheerful yellow paint. The attached bathroom was of a decent size and looked clean. The window had a nice view of a spacious back yard.

She was standing at the window gazing out when Luke brought the bags in. She turned towards him as he threw the bags onto the floor by the bed.

"I didn't say something wrong did I?"

"No." He stepped over to take her into his arms. "I forget how young you are sometimes."

"Hey." She wanted to restore the usual casual easy banter between them. "I am of consenting age."

"Yes, you are." He stepped over to lock the door. "And of that I am glad. Wouldn't want to have to register as a sex offender."

She kissed him, and soon clothes were hitting the floor.

Afterward, as she lay naked in his arms, he reached for a cigarette.

"You sure you can smoke that in here?"

He laughed, moving over to open the window and picking up the ashtray off the dresser.

"You think I'd stay anywhere for two days where I couldn't smoke?"

"You really should quit." She reached up, took the cigarette out of his hand and stole a drag.

"And you really shouldn't start. It would be hard for me to quit."

"It would improve your sex drive, or at least you wouldn't breathe so hard."

He snorted. "You start to pant the second I touch bare skin."

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Take a shower and get dressed. I told you I had more planned for this weekend than sex."

"You want to join me?" She gave him a coy look.

"If I joined you the hot water would run out because you'd be too busy getting dirty again."

He patted her on the rump as she headed towards the bathroom.

"Spoil sport."

He laughed, leaning back on the bed to finish his cigarette.

She took a quick shower, glad that she had washed her hair that morning. She'd forgotten to bring her shampoo.

He squeezed past her on the way to the shower, brushing against her in a suggestive way.

"No fair. Do that again and I may have to be naughty and join you."

He blew her a kiss as he entered the bathroom.

She laughed, bending over to retrieve her clothes. She had to get down on hands and knees to retrieve her panties, which had somehow ended up against the wall at the top of the bed. She was in that compromising position when he came out of the shower. He took advantage, pinching her butt.

"Someone threw my undies all the way under the bed."

"Don't look at me. I wasn't fast enough for you. You took your own clothes off."

"Okay, so you're right."

They both dressed and went out to the car. He wouldn't give her any hints on what he had planned.

He took her to a museum that housed memorabilia from the town's history, then to the town's main drag where they window shopped typical small town stores.

They spent the afternoon on the fairgrounds where a traveling carnival had set up. She held on to him tight when they rode the Ferris wheel, as she hadn't completely rid herself of her childhood fear of heights.

He won her a huge stuffed teddy bear at the dart throwing booth, which she secretly thought was hideous. But she didn't have the heart to tell him. He seemed so proud when he handed it to her, almost like a little boy.

They ate dinner at a local diner where the food reminded her of home cooked meals that she'd only wished she'd been able to eat growing up. Though she figured she probably wouldn't have been able to keep her trim figure with so little exercise if she had.

He took her to a drive in movie to end the day, which brought back a memory of her father.

She remembered being about two years old; sitting in the front seat of their car between her parents, gazing up at the movie on the screen in awe.

The movie was a tense thriller and was enough to keep their minds off of sex until they returned to their cozy room at the B&B.

She thought he was rummaging in his bag for his pajama bottoms when she pulled the slinky nightgown out of her bag that she'd secretly bought without her mother's knowledge for the occasion. She was surprised when he pulled out a sheet of unlined paper and taking her hand, led her to the bed.

In a voice that was shaking with nervousness, he sang the song that he'd written for her. Though it was a little sappy and his voice was slightly off key, she felt so proud of him at that moment she could hardly stand it.

He threw the paper on the dresser when he had finished, not looking at her. "I should've brought my guitar. Told you I couldn't sing."

She threw her arms around him and kissed him. "It was beautiful Luke."

Standing on her tiptoes, she pulled his t-shirt over his head, reaching down to unbutton his jeans. She stripped herself quickly and led him to the bed, pushing him gently back and straddling him.

She lay on his chest for a moment, listening to the pounding of his heart. She could feel his erection prodding at her and she raised her head to look at him.

She cupped his face in her hands, kissing him long and hard. "Mmm," she murmured into his ear, as he moved his hips, teasing her with his erection. "I love you Lucas Stone."

She moved back, taking him inside her slowly, and then moving down quickly, as she accepted him fully inside her.

He moaned out her name as she moved above him, her passion almost frenzied. Her head was thrown back, long hair trailing down her back, eyes closed.

Her movements slowed as she felt a sudden onrush of doubts and fears threaten to overtake her and she pressed her body fully onto him, moaning as her breasts rubbed his chest. He leaned up to take her mouth with his, his tongue hot and wet in her mouth.

She broke the contact as she felt herself start to come to orgasm, leaning back and grinding her hips on his.

A single tear dropped onto his chest as his own climax claimed him.

He pulled her down onto his chest holding her against him for a long time, saying nothing, not breaking to reach for the after sex cigarette that usually followed their couplings almost immediately. She began to wonder if he had taken the tear for what it was and not for the sweat that she had hoped that he had.

She pulled away from him when she began to cramp up, and rolled off of him. "Luke."

"Yes, love?" He reached over to grab a cigarette.

"Can I borrow your shampoo? I forgot mine."

"Of course."

It sounded to her as if he wanted to say something else, but he was silent as he dug in his bag, cigarette clamped lightly between his teeth. He handed the bottle to her, watching as she walked to the bathroom.

He was dozing on the bed when she got out of the shower, still nude. She trailed kisses down his chest as she climbed onto the bed, not sure whether to be turned on or grossed out by the smell of sex and sweat that clung to him.

"Luke. Aren't you going to shower?"

He cracked an eye open lazily, reaching over to pull her to him. "In the morning."

She pulled the sheet over them, having pushed the heavy comforter to the foot of the bed and snuggled comfortably back into his arms.

The next morning, she awoke to the sound of the shower and reached for the cigarettes, not thrilled that she was letting herself get addicted but wanting one nonetheless.

"Damn woman. You're going to have to get a job so you can help me support my habit."

"Don't remind me of jobs." She groaned. "I hope all the halfway decent ones aren't taken by now, with kids out of school for the summer."

He gave her a sly grin. "I hear live in sex slaves get top dollar these days."

She threw his dirty t-shirt at him. "I doubt you could afford me."

"You're probably right." He threw the shirt back at her. "But with your new found sex drive, you'd probably end up paying me."

She scowled at him, throwing the shirt onto the floor on top of her clothes from the day before.

He kissed her. "Get that look of your face before it gets stuck that way."

She reached into her bag for her hair brush, glad that she had at least remembered that, going into the bathroom.

When she had brushed her teeth and washed her face, she dressed for the day in a pair of light blue shorts and a matching tank top. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and exited the bathroom.

He raised an eyebrow at her. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "You sure you don't want to rethink your outfit?"

She bent down, reaching for her sandals, shrugging her shoulders at him. "You're the one who was so mysterious about what you had planned."

He shrugged back at her, giving her a wink. "Hope you brought your sunscreen."

She reached into her bag, pulling out the large bottle of SPF 45 that she carried everywhere with her in the summer because of her fair skin. "I didn't forget everything."

"Bring it with you." He took her hand. "We've got a busy day ahead of us."

She followed him out to the car, wondering what he could possibly have planned.

When she tried to question him about what they were doing that day, he gave her a mock scowl and turned the radio up.

Sierra sat back in her seat, pulling her sunglasses out of her purse. She had herself fully slathered in sunscreen by the time he pulled onto a back road forty-five minutes or so later.

She was surprised when he pulled up in front of a building seemingly in the middle of nowhere several minutes later which had a large sign hung across it bearing the words "Welcome to Camp Sutter: Proud Home of the Area's Only Day Camp for Children with Type One Diabetes". A smaller sign beneath it read "Celebrating Our Tenth Year."

They got out of the car. Luke was immediately surrounded by a dozen children of varying ages, saying "Luke."

She stood back for a moment, watching him.

He came over and took her hand, shrugging nonchalantly. "My cousin was diagnosed eight years ago next month. I've been volunteering here for a while now."

She squeezed his hand, turning to the man that had appeared in front of them, dressed in khakis, a canvas shirt and hiking boots.

He reached out and took Luke's hand. "Good to have you back, Luke."

He introduced Sierra to the man; Marvin Samson, who had two children with type one diabetes himself, now in their teens. He'd been a strong advocate for the founding of the camp which catered to juvenile diabetics and their siblings.

They spent a busy day, helping out with arts and crafts, helping watch over the kids as they swam in the indoor pool.

Sierra marveled at how the children all sat so patiently before lunch time, having to have their blood sugar tested before they could eat.

She turned her head into Luke's shoulder when it came time for the after meal shots to be administered, not being able to watch as the children, some who seemed to be as young as five received their carb covering injections.

"It's okay babe. They're used to it. For most of them it's routine by now."

She chanced a glance up and saw that he was right. After needles had been disposed of in sharps containers, the children were indeed ready to go again. Ready to run and play as all children should.

During the afternoon they attended an informational but fun class, explaining to the children and their siblings who were new attendants of the camp; that while diabetes must be taken seriously, it was also very important for a child with type one diabetes to be treated first as a child and a diabetic second. Then there was a loosely organized game of kick ball with time for free play afterwards and a showing of a cartoon that was newly released to DVD.

They sat with Luke's cousin during the movie. Trinity was a beautiful, willowy eleven-year-old with long dark hair and beautiful blue eyes, that her wire rimmed glasses were unable to hide the startling color of.

Luke kissed the top of Trinity's head when it was time to leave, having said a drawn out goodbye to the rest of the children, some whose parents had already arrived to pick them up.

Sarah rolled her pretty eyes at him. "Don't kiss me like I'm a baby, Luke."

"I never said you were a baby. Sierra likes it when I kiss the top of her head and she's hardly a baby."

"Yeah." Trinity once again rolled her eyes at him. "But she's your girlfriend so that hardly counts."

Sierra laughed. Trinity's mom arrived then and Sierra was introduced to Luke's aunt Teresa, the tall, elegantly beautiful sister of his mother. She could see where Trinity got her looks from.

After Luke promised Marvin Samson that he would return the next month to help out with a daytime field trip and the only overnight that the kids spent at the camp, they walked hand in hand to the car.

She stopped him for a quick kiss as he unlocked the door for her. She winced as she slid onto the hot seat.

He got into the car, cranking his window down.

"Trinity was really diagnosed when she was only three?" she said as he started the car, turning on the radio.

"Yeah." He paused to light a cigarette as he turned onto the road that would lead them back to the highway. "It was quite an adjustment at first. But kids are so versatile. Hell, I don't think I could have dealt with at as well at the age of fourteen that I was when they found out, let alone at the age of three that she was."

"You are such a softie." She put a hand on his leg.

"Move that hand a couple inches to the left and you'll see what a softie I am."

She squeezed his leg, then moved her hand back to her lap. "It was a nice day. The kids sure love you."

"Good old Uncle Luke."

Something in his voice stopped her, keeping her silent for the rest of the trip back to the bed and breakfast.

They ordered in, enjoying a dinner of spicy Mexican food. They didn't talk much during dinner. Luke turned the TV on after, flipping aimlessly through the channels before settling on a horror movie that Sierra had seen previously and hadn't liked the first time.

They went to bed early that night without making love. Though Luke took her into his arms that night she could feel the space between them and slept fitfully.

When Sierra awoke early the next morning Luke wasn't in the room.

She went into the bathroom and not finding him there, returned to the bedroom after having used the toilet and brushing her teeth.

She lit a cigarette from the pack he'd left on the table and switched the TV on though she wasn't really in the mood to watch.

He returned several minutes later carrying a plastic bag and a styrofoam cup of coffee. He tossed the bag onto the bed, not looking at her. "I got you a diet soda, though I still don't understand why your skinny ass needs to drink that crap. There are muffins in the bag."

He took the remote from where she'd left it on the table and started flipping through the channels.

She put a hand on his chest. "Is something wrong Luke?"

He brushed a hand over her hair. "No baby."

But she could tell he was lying, so she reached to unbutton his jeans, distracting him in the way that she knew only sex could.

They took a shower together afterwards and the usual easy, carefree air between them was somewhat restored.

They took the bags out to the car. Luke went inside to check out.

She put her sunglasses on, and slept most of the way back home, waking when he reduced speed to pull into town.

She expected him to take her back to his house and was a little disappointed when he stopped in her driveway.

He grabbed her bag out of the backseat and came around to open her door and help her out of the car.

He gave her a quick kiss. "We'll do something this weekend. That'll give you some time to look for a job."

She stood in the yard and watched him drive away, and then finally went to the house with a sigh. Her mother and Timothy seemed to be out, something of which she was grateful for, not being in the mood to deal with their questions and probable teasing or chastising about sex.

She went upstairs to her room, after having grabbed the classified section of the paper, determined to take her mind off of Luke for the time being by trying to find a job.

She found a few possibilities, though she decided to wait until the next day before putting in any applications. She was in a lousy mood and didn't want to face anybody.

Her mom and Timothy arrived in the middle of the afternoon. She ignored her mother's voice calling up the stairs, asking if she was home, pretending to be asleep.

She logged onto the internet for a while, catching up with some online friends. She sighed when dinner time drew near, knowing that she would have to face her parents eventually.

She went downstairs a few minutes before six and found them in the kitchen, the TV turned to the local news. She picked at her salad, giving them one word answers to their questions about her trip whenever she could. Sierra was glad when they didn't try to stop her when she went back to her room after finishing only half her dinner.

She went to bed early, falling asleep clinging to the teddy bear that Luke had won for her.

During her job search the next day, she was surprised and rather pleased when she got the first job she applied for, a thirty hour a week job in a clothing store at the mall.

She started Wednesday and would be off on Sundays and Tuesdays. She wanted to call Luke and tell him her good news, but he's said he'd call her that weekend.

Mid-afternoon she was bored with trying to read a book that she'd bought months ago. She reached for her cell phone, thinking that it would probably be safe enough to send Luke a text message.

The worst he could do was ignore her she thought.

Her phone chimed a few minutes later. She grabbed it, breathing a sigh of relief as she read 'Congrats. Take you out to dinner to celebrate. Sleepover Saturday?'

They chatted back and forth by text for a while after that. Though Sierra would have liked it if he'd picked up the phone and called her, she felt much better about the state of their relationship.

She found that she liked her job, didn't mind the sometimes fussy, sometimes downright obnoxious children that were dragged in by their mothers to shop for summer clothes. She thought that she'd adjust well to teaching children and felt more confident in her choice of career.

Chapter 9

Things quickly went back to the easy, comfortable, though always sexually charged way they had been between Sierra and Luke.

She spent virtually all her time off with him. Some weeks she spent more nights at his house than she did at home.

Her mom and Timothy didn't seem to approve of her nocturnal activities. But they gave her freedom as she was paying for her own gas and insurance and managing to put money away for school.

She spent a very tense Thanksgiving with Luke and his parents as her mom and Timothy were out of town again, on a cruise this time, holidays not having been a big occasion at their house for years.

Her age seemed to bother Luke's parents who were both very uptight. She almost felt as if they were expecting Luke to announce any moment that Sierra was pregnant and they were eloping.

She breathed a sigh of relief when they pulled away from his parents' house. Luke laughingly promised her that he wouldn't subject her to spending Christmas with them.

After having an early Christmas Eve dinner with her parents, she drove to Luke's house, excited to give him his present. It was a fancy leather bound binder that she had had monogrammed with his initials for him to put his songs in.

She wondered what he had gotten her. The image of an engagement ring again loomed uneasily in her mind.

He was thrilled with her gift and showed her some of what he'd been working on.

She was a little uneasy, as some of his music seemed a little dark, lonely almost, but put it off.

He gave her a beautiful gold locket which held a picture of them together that had been taken at her graduation party. On the other side there a picture of her with her mom and her father that she'd forgotten existed. When she thanked him, a sentimental tear dropped down her face.

They made love in the living room, underneath the steadily blinking lights of his fiber optic Christmas tree.

New Years' was spent at a rowdy New Year's Eve party at Luke's house, reminiscent of their first party together though thankfully she held her liquor this time.

As the days passed, it nagged at Sierra what steps their relationship would take when she went away to school, though nothing was spoken of it.

Time passed and still nothing was mentioned as to the state of their relationship. When summer drew to a close, she'd enrolled in school, been given her room designation and the name of her roommate.

Lately, Sierra had found herself fighting with Luke for little or no reason. When they were seemingly at peace, she still felt as though you could cut the tension between them with a knife.

They'd just finished having sex three nights before she was set to leave for school, and she was rummaging in her purse for a cigarette when Luke grabbed her hand.

"What?"

He took his hand away, not saying anything. She went back to digging in her purse, finally finding her cigarettes, a habit her mom was very unhappy about her taking up.

He closed his hand over hers as she lit the cigarette with a shaking hand. She pulled away again, blowing out smoke and giving him a dirty look, giving him another irritated "What?"

"Sierra, love, we've got to talk."

She rolled her eyes at him, blowing a smoke ring at the ceiling. "That's all we ever do Luke, is talk. Talk and fuck."

"Damn it Sierra, I'm serious."

She let out a harsh laugh. "And so am I."

"Is that all I am to you? A good fuck?"

"Better a good fuck than a bad fuck." He glared at her, reaching for a cigarette of his own, brushing against her hand as she put hers out in the ashtray. "What the hell do you want from me Luke? A white picket fence, two point five kids? I'm nineteen years old for God's sake." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them, but there was no taking them back.

He nodded to himself. "Maybe you should go."

She snatched her clothes from the floor, hurriedly stepping into her shorts, pulling her t-shirt over her head, shoving her bra and panties into her purse.

She didn't look at him as she slipped her feet into her sandals, leaving the room and quickly making her way through the dark living room towards the front door.

She unlocked her car door with a hand that wouldn't stop shaking. She sat for a minute, putting the key in the ignition but not starting the car, turning the key enough that she could roll the window down.

She rolled it all the way down, breathing the cool night air in for a minute, reaching for her purse.

Though she didn't usually smoke in her car, she dug out a cigarette and lit it, taking a deep drag.

She glanced toward the house and thought she could see a faint glow beside the window. She assumed it meant Luke was standing at the front window, smoking and watching her sit there like an idiot.

"Shit," she said, then "Fuck, fuck." She pounded her hand that wasn't holding the cigarette on the steering wheel, jumping when she accidentally hit her horn.

She waited for a moment, almost wishing he would come out so she could tell him that she was sorry she was such a fucking idiot, but he didn't. Soon the glow from the cigarette faded. Though she wasn't sure it signaled the fact that he had moved away from the window or just that he had finished the cigarette, she took a deep breath, and rolled her window up. She started the car, turning the music on so loud that it almost immediately sent her head to pounding, and pulled out of his driveway.

She drove aimlessly around town for a while before she returned home, occasional tears slipping unchecked down her face.

She was glad that her parents were in bed. She went to her room, taking a long hot shower.

She tossed and turned for a while and then cried herself into a fitful sleep. Her tears were absorbed by the tacky stuffed bear that she clutched to her chest like it could bring Luke back to her.

Chapter 10

Two days passed and Luke didn't call.

She found herself on his doorstep at midnight the night before she was supposed to leave for school, so nervous she could hardly stand still.

He answered the door a moment later, wearing his usual bedtime attire, draw string pajama bottoms and nothing else, his hair mussed.

She stood still for a moment, afraid that she'd woken him.

He stepped back without a word and she stepped inside. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, get down on her hands and knees and beg his forgiveness.

She sat down at the opposite end of the couch and took a deep breath.

"Luke, I am so sorry." She felt the tears start.

"It's okay."

He took her into his arms. It felt so good, so right to be in his arms again. It was like coming home.

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too, baby."

"I want you to," she started. All of a sudden didn't know how to say what she had come to say. "Would you?" she started again. "Fuck." She took a deep breath and then let it out. "I want you to come with me Luke. You can write songs anywhere. I couldn't live with you officially, but it could be like it has been. I could spend most of my nights with you and I . . ." She stopped, looking at his face.

"Luke?" She could feel her heart breaking. She could see on his face that his was breaking, too.

He shook his head, taking her hand. "You're not ready. Oh how I wish you were baby. If I thought that you were, I would go with you."

He took her face in his hand and gave her the gentlest of kisses.

"But Luke. . . I thought. . . It could be like it is now. We could be together. Luke please, I love you. I really do."

"I know baby. I love you too."

"But Luke, why?"

"You're young. You don't yet want I've come to want and it's not fair for either of us to pretend that you do Si."

"But can't you wait for me Luke? Can't you wait until I finish school? Then we can worry about getting married and having kids."

He sighed. "I would wait twenty years for you if that's what it took love, but I'm afraid that's not all of it. You're young. How can you know I'm what you want?"

She pulled back from him, angry. "What the fuck? You act like I'm twelve and you're thirty. You're only four years older than me. I'm old enough to know what I want. I want you."

He pulled her back into his arms and soon she was crying again and eventually she could see that he was crying, too.

"Will I still see you? Will you still call?"

"Of course Si." But the words were hollow, didn't ring true.

She got up then, letting him take her hand as she walked to the door.

He held her in his arms. She didn't want to let go. She wanted to shut the world out and pretend that she could stay there forever, safe in his arms. Finally, she pulled back. He gave her a kiss so full of want, need and love that it almost made her dizzy. But it made her almost sick too. She could feel the goodbye in it also.

And then the words were leaving his lips. "Goodbye Sierra."

"Goodbye Luke."

She walked out the door. She could still see him standing on the porch when she pulled out into the street.

It was a little after one a.m. when she dragged herself into the house, into bed.

She found herself unable to sleep and was on her third cup of coffee the next morning when her stepfather came down, dressed for work.

He looked at the half full pot of coffee, and back to the table at Sierra sitting slumped with her head in her hands. "You've got the jitters about school I see. Didn't sleep well last night?"

She looked at him, hoping that her eyes looked bleary from lack of sleep instead of crying. "Yeah, something like that."

He poured himself a cup of coffee. "You'll be okay. It'll be good for you. And you'll do well. Your mom was disappointed to have to give up her own dreams of teaching when she found out she was pregnant with you, but your father insisted. He told her that he would be the one to take care of the family and that there was no one better to raise their child than her mother."

She almost choked on the sip of coffee that she'd taken. "But I thought she. . . She always seemed so. . . I never knew."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "She might have shared with you if you'd thought to ask."

Sierra felt bad then, for rarely looking at her mother as anything more than the materialistic, seemingly always striving to stay young facade that she showed.

"Your mother should be down soon. Make sure you don't leave without telling her goodbye." He grabbed a muffin from the basket on the counter by the microwave. "Have a nice trip. Don't forget to call your mom when you get there so she won't worry. Be sure to call us if you need anything. And Sierra."

"Yes Timothy?" He gave her a wink as he reached to straighten his cufflink. "Don't party so much that all that money we put out for your education goes to waste."

She rolled her eyes at him. She didn't see herself partying much, couldn't see herself doing much of anything other than moping around campus, missing Luke, wondering where the hell they'd gone wrong.

"I won't Timothy, I promise. I'd be wasting some of my own money too."

"I know." He surprised her by coming over and dropping a kiss on top of her head. "Good luck dear."

"Thanks."

He left then, grabbing his keys off the hook and going out the kitchen door towards the garage. Her mom came down a few minutes later, when she was starting her fourth cup of coffee. Though the caffeine was affecting her, she still felt so weary and exhausted both emotionally and physically that she figured she'd need to stop at a convenience store on the way out of town for caffeine pills.

"Good morning Sierra," her mother said. Her voice was shaky, like she was about to cry.

"Mornin' Mom."

She wanted to ask her mother about what Timothy had told her about her having wanted to be a teacher herself, but she wasn't sure how her mom would react. She already seemed upset enough so she decided to put it off for another time.

"I see Timothy had an extra cup of coffee or two this morning." She looked at her daughter then, noticing the mug in front of her, then nodded to herself. "Or maybe it wasn't Timothy. Are you okay honey?"

"Yeah Mom, I just. . ." She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to tell her mother about Luke. It still hurt so much that she was scared she'd end up sobbing like a little girl.

"You what honey?"

"I'm nervous about school I guess."

She turned away from her mother's appraising stare, dumping more sugar into her coffee.

"You shouldn't be nervous. You did well in high school. I'm sure you'll be making friends before you know it."

Her mom stopped then, looking like she was starting to lose the fight to hold back the tears.

Sierra got up from the table, pulling her mother into a somewhat awkward hug.

They were soon both crying. Sierra broke the embrace reluctantly a few minutes later, going into the living room for a box of tissues.

She took a couple, blowing her nose and wiping her face and then pushing the box across the table to her mother.

She was stunned to see that her mom hadn't put any makeup on, as there were no telltale mascara smudges. She was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a sweater. Her mom cleared her throat, throwing the wadded tissues into the wastebasket under the sink.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive up with you? I could help you get yourself situated. It would be no trouble."

She felt herself wanting to accept her mother's invitation, but quickly decided against it.

Although her mother would obviously be in her own car on the trip, as she'd need it to get back home, Sierra wanted to be alone.

She'd decided to screw the idea of not smoking in her car. She thought she was going to need the combined efforts of caffeine, nicotine and loud music to keep herself alert during the trip. Oh she wanted so badly to crawl back into bed and bury her head under the covers.

More so, she wanted to crawl back into Luke's bed, tell him she'd do anything to be with him. She'd give up on going to school completely, if he'd forgive her.

She cursed herself for being so vulnerable. For letting herself fall in love with him when after her disastrous end with Austin she hadn't wanted to get involved with anyone, let alone do something like fall in love.

And she did love him. Even if her feelings were conflicted. Even with her anger at him, for wanting something like marriage and a family so badly that he was choosing to shut their relationship out completely instead of continuing with the easy routine they'd established.

What twenty-three-year old male wanted marriage and kids so damn bad, Sierra wondered? Especially one that had been screwing women indiscriminately before they'd gotten together.

Damn him she thought.

She looked up at her mother, forgetting that she'd posed a question, having lost herself in thoughts of Luke.

"Sorry Mom. I'm really tired. I appreciate your offer, but I think I'd be better off going by myself. I don't have a lot of stuff anyway. It won't take long to get everything set up. Which reminds me, I should start taking stuff out to my car if I ever want to get out of here."

"Are you sure honey? I wouldn't want you to get into an accident, driving while you're tired."

"I've taken in so much caffeine this morning that I'm sure I'll be fine Mom."

Her mother nodded at her, but Sierra could still see the worry in her eyes.

Her mom helped her carry her things out to the car, which were mostly her clothes and her laptop. Finished, they stood together beside the car, two women who looked nothing alike. Sierra had both her father's blonde hair and his green eyes. They were so different, yet similar in ways that neither of them usually took the time to realize.

"Timothy is going to keep your phone on the plan and continue to pay for it. So don't be afraid to call anytime okay? And make sure you call me as soon as you get there. I'll worry if you don't."

She gave her mother one last hug, tears falling again. "I'll call Mom. I promise. I love you. Tell Timothy thanks and that I," she surprised herself by adding, "love him."

Her mother smiled then. "I will. I love you too, honey. Make sure you call. Be safe."

"I'll be fine Mom." She laughed, leaning out the window to give her mom a kiss on the cheek.

Her mom stepped back from the car. Sierra strapped her seat belt on, and started the car. She had to turn down the blaring radio, forgetting that she had turned it up so loud the night before.

She waved at her mom as she pulled out of the drive. Her mother waved back, looking small and alone, standing in the front yard.

She pulled into a convenience store on the way out of town. She bought a couple energy drinks and some caffeine pills and a pack of cigarettes since she was almost out, figuring she was going to be so wired on caffeine by the time she got to school that she probably wouldn't sleep for two days after.

She popped a CD in, opening the window all the way, not caring that her long hair would probably be a tangled mess by the time her trip was done.

She lit a cigarette and sang along with the music, smoking too much and fighting back tears as she drove.

She pulled into the campus three hours later, and searched for the assigned space that they'd sent her the parking pass for in the mail.

She found it without too much trouble and was soon on her way to the dorm that she'd visited the month before with her first load of bags.

She was grateful that her roommate hadn't arrived yet. She'd met the girl once, only briefly. With the girl's wild multicolored hair and tight clothes, and the marks on her arms which Sierra had been unable to tell were hesitation marks from an attempted suicide or marks that signified that she was someone who liked to cut, she was pretty sure that they wouldn't have much in common.

She had brought her last load of clothes to the room and was stowing her suitcase under the bed when her roommate walked in.

"Good." She let out a dramatic sigh. "You came alone, too. I didn't want to have to deal with any parents."

Sierra laughed. "My mom decided this morning that she wanted to come but. . . Oh shit, I'd better call her."

She spent a few minutes on the phone with her mom, assuring her that she was indeed fine and had survived the trip in one piece.

Her roommate, whose name was Ashley, was checking out her laptop.

"You've got a pc. Cool."

They spent some time getting acquainted. Sierra found herself liking the girl, finding out that even with the girl's outlandish appearance, she was down to earth and they had a few things in common.

Chapter 11

The first weeks of school were busy. Sierra got used to her class schedule. She had little time to think about Luke even when she saw couples together around campus.

She wanted to call him, wanted him to call her. But she had little faith in the idea of hearing from him and couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone and call him. As time passed, she still didn't hear from him.

She was sitting outside underneath a tree on an afternoon in late October, trying to make sense of her English assignment when she looked up. Her heart felt like it stopped beating in her chest.

A man who looked like Luke was coming her way.

She blinked, thinking that there had to be a guy who went to school there who looked like him. But when she blinked again and took in the familiar hazel eyes, the dark blonde day old stubble on his chin, she knew that it was Luke who was coming towards her and not some guy who looked like him.

She wanted to jump up, throw herself into his arms, though she rarely thought about him anymore. It hurt too much. She hadn't worn the locket he'd given her since she'd arrived at school, tucking in into the back of her dresser drawer, burying it beneath her underwear.

He stood next to her for a moment, looking at her. Then he reached out a hand to help her to her feet. "Hi."

"Hello, Luke." Her voice sounded strained to her own ears.

"You wanna get out of here for a while? I've got a room."

She stared at him for a moment. "Yeah, let me go tell my roommate that I'm leaving. I was supposed to have dinner with her."

He nodded, leaning against the tree, watching her as she hurried across the campus towards her room.

Ashley wasn't in the room when she got there. Sierra scrawled a note for her, saying that she had met up with an old friend and wouldn't be back for dinner, wasn't sure when she'd be back.

She was glad that she didn't have another class until the next afternoon. She felt helpless with anticipation as to what Luke's visit meant.

He was still leaning against the tree when she got back outside, twirling an unlit cigarette between his fingers.

He tucked it behind his ear when she approached, reaching to take her hand.

He led her to his car, not saying anything. He was still silent as he opened the door for her, only speaking when he had settled himself behind the wheel, lighting his cigarette.

He offered her one and she accepted it, lighting it with the offered lighter. "So how's school going?"

"Good." She felt uncomfortable beside him in his car when she had felt so at home there a few short months ago.

He nodded. The drive was silent then until he pulled up at an almost seedy looking motel a few minutes later.

"I couldn't find anything else," he said apologetically as she stepped out of the car. "There was some kind of convention in town and all the decent rooms were taken."

She nodded at him, not knowing what to say.

He unlocked the door to a room at the corner of the first floor, and held the door for her. Always the gentleman she thought.

She sat uncomfortably in the room on the only chair. She stared at the worn carpet which was a hideous green color.

At least it looked clean she thought offhandedly. She finally forced herself to look at Luke, perched uncomfortably on the edge of the bed.

Damn he looked good. Sexy as hell like usual. But he had bags under his eyes and he looked so tired.

She wanted to put her arms around him. To kiss all the weariness from his face. See his eyes light up with the fire of sexual want, of need that she knew so well.

Instead she stayed rooted to her chair and looked at him. She watched as he lit another cigarette. He took his time to smoke it and stubbed it out in an already over flowing ashtray before he came to her. He got on his knees before the chair, laying his head in her lap. She stroked his hair, loving the familiar feel of his soft waves, feeling tears prick her eyes.

"Oh Luke." He moved his head to look up at her then. "I've missed you."

"I know baby." He took her hand and pulled her towards the bed. "My bed is so empty without you. My whole fuckin' life is so empty without you."

He held her in his arms for a long time, both of them fully dressed and laying on top of the covers.

She didn't know who made the first move to undress. But they were both soon nude and making love with such passion, such need that she never wanted the moment to end.

She fell asleep in his arms, sleeping better than she had in weeks, though she hadn't let herself think about it. When she awoke it was dark outside.

He was sitting up in bed smoking. He handed her a cigarette without a word, moving to light it for her.

There was so much in his eyes. Pain, need, love and something she couldn't quite decipher. Was it hope, or some kind of resignation Sierra wondered?

She wanted to ask him why he was here when he hadn't bothered to call the whole time she'd been gone. But she left it alone, not wanting to spoil their time together. She had a feeling that this might be the last night they spent together for a long time. Maybe forever.

"You hungry?" he asked. "There's a little diner down the road."

She wasn't really hungry, was unsure that she'd be able to eat her stomach was so tied up in knots. But she knew he was trying to make an effort at normalcy and she nodded, reaching for her clothes.

They didn't talk much during dinner, and neither of them ate much. The drive back to the motel was silent.

They tried to watch TV for a while, though the reception was bad and they soon gave up.

Luke reached over with a shaky hand to switch off the lamp. She reached for him in the dark and soon they were making love again. But she found herself sobbing her eyes out in his arms only moments after they'd finished.

She awoke early the next morning to find him seated at the small table, two large Styrofoam cups of coffee in front of him. He handed her a cup of coffee, and offered her a cigarette which she waved off.

"Luke I . . ." He was rummaging in his bag. She felt her heart skip a beat when he pulled out a small box, the size that could only hold a ring.

"Si, I changed my mind baby. I don't want to be without you anymore. I want you to marry me. Maybe not now, it's not fair to ask you to marry me now. But I wanted to tell that I'll do whatever you want. I'll move today and it can be like it was. I've missed you so much."

He pushed the box toward her. She opened it with a shaking hand, seeing a beautiful diamond engagement ring nestled inside.

She closed the box. The click was overly loud in the otherwise silent room.

"Si. Baby, say something. Tell me yes. Tell me no. Tell me to fuck off."

She looked at the box for a moment and then let it drop to the bed. Hadn't this been what she'd wanted? What she'd begged him for the night before she left for school? All of a sudden she wished he hadn't come. As much as it hurt, she knew he'd been right then. Right that it was fair to neither of them for her to ask him to put his life on hold until she finished school.

She got up on shaky legs, moving over toward the chair. She pulled his head to her chest, much as a mother would do to comfort a small child.

"You know I can't say yes Luke. It's not fair to you."

He nodded silently against her. She held him for a long time, leaning down to give him a kiss when she broke away, trying to put everything she felt into the action. The love, the hurt; the regret.

When finally she pulled away, she dressed slowly, feeling his eyes on her.

When she had finished and was bending down to tie her shoes she wished irrationally for a hair brush. Oh how could she be worried about what her hair looked like at a time like this she thought? She caught sight of the ring sitting on the bed and made a move to hand it back to him.

He shook his head at her, pushing it back into her hand. "I bought it for you. I want you to have it."

They were silent as he led her to the car and silent on the drive back to the college campus.

He opened her door for her, taking her hand. She found herself in his arms once again.

They stood together like that for a long time, oblivious to the world around them.

He pulled back. "I'd better let you go. You've probably got class."

She looked at him silently, shoving the ring box into the bottom of her purse. "Yeah."

He kissed her then. She found herself lost again, in a moment that was over altogether too quickly. "Goodbye Sierra."

"Goodbye Luke." She watched him as he drove away, wanting to cry, to run after him like a mad woman and tell him she'd changed her mind.

But she hadn't, and dragging her feet, she made her way across the campus to her dorm room.

Chapter 12

Ashley was sitting on the bed painting her nails a funky shade of bright blue when Sierra opened the door. Her eyes lit up. "Is that hunk you were with last night your boyfriend? Some girls from the dorm saw you leave with him last night. They've been talking about nothing else since you left."

"Can we talk about this later Ash? I'm tired and I want to take a nap before class."

"Sure hon." Sierra could see in her roommate's eyes the dawning of understanding that maybe the night before hadn't gone quite as good as the gossipy girls had thought.

When Sierra awoke from her nap, a half hour before she was due in class, Ashley was already gone. She was glad she didn't have to face the other girl's questions and possible sympathy yet.

Ashley didn't mention her mysterious boyfriend again. Sierra went back to keeping Luke out of her mind, having shoved the ring into the nether regions of her underwear drawer where it kept the locket company.

She stayed at school over Thanksgiving, as her mom and Timothy were away yet again, though she couldn't remember where it was they had gone or what they were doing.

She had been invited to spend the day at her grandma's house but she had declined, not wanting to face relatives she hadn't seen in years.

She decided to go home for Christmas break though she spent the first few days at school catching up on her studying and looking for a part time job.

She headed home on December 23rd, not looking forward to the time with her parents. She hoped they wouldn't question her about Luke or raise the question of dealings with the male sex at all.

She'd been asked out a few times, mostly by guys who shared various classes with her. But she always declined and got the feeling that she had developed a reputation as either stuck up or a lesbian. She honestly couldn't care less what most people thought of her.

The time she didn't spend studying, she spent mostly with Ashley, who at first tried to drag her to parties. But after constant refusals she, too, stopped asking. So the time she spent with her roommate was mostly spent studying now too.

She dreaded running into Luke around town and made sure that she left the house only when she absolutely had to.

She had tried to cover up the smell of cigarettes in the house by opening her window as far as it would go, and running the air purifier constantly, but her mother still complained about the smell. So she took to smoking outside, sitting despondently on the front steps.

She didn't like to consider herself unhappy. She thought of herself as involved in her studies, having little time for a social life.

She was sitting on the steps the afternoon of the day before New Year's Eve and had her nose buried in a book when she heard someone call her name.

She looked up to see Austin and Ilana walking by. Ilana was pushing a stroller. She wanted to get up and escape into the house, but Austin was waving at her as if he considered her a friend. She got up off the steps reluctantly, making her way towards them. To her surprise Ilana gave her a hug, though they had never really been friends. Sierra held her embrace for a moment, then pulling back to take a peek at the child sleeping in the stroller.

She was adorable with Austin's blonde hair and Ilana's curls (though the child's hair looked more manageable, her hair not as thick as her mother's), her long eyelashes touching her cheeks.

"She's so cute." Sierra felt a little pang.

She wasn't ready to be a mother herself, wasn't sure she'd ever really be ready, but watching Austin and Ilana together with their gorgeous little girl, obviously so happy, made her yearn again to have Luke beside her.

"Thanks." Ilana reached down to straighten the blanket that had started to come off as the child moved in her sleep.

"Well," Austin said. "I guess we'd better get her home. Have a nice New Year's Sierra. It was good to see you."

He waved as they walked away and she could see the glint of a wedding ring on his finger.

She spent New Year's Eve alone in her room.

Her mother and Timothy were at a party thrown by someone high up in the company that Timothy worked for. She figured they would probably be returning late if they returned at all that night. The party was being held at a hotel and several suites had been rented out so that those who became intoxicated didn't have to drive home.

She was tired of reading, reading so much was starting to make her eyes hurt. She wasn't in the mood to listen to music either.

She went downstairs and out the door a little before midnight, sitting on the steps and digging in her purse for a cigarette.

She could hear noise from a loud party somewhere down the street and briefly wondered if it was coming from Luke's house.

The thought of him with another woman started to drive her crazy. She turned around intending to go into the house, put her pillow over her head and go to sleep.

Instead of going into the house, she found herself going to her car. She sat in the driver's seat for several minutes before she started the car.

What was she doing she thought? If the noise was coming from Luke's, what was she going to do? Barge in, most likely to find him in the arms of another woman?

She mentally cursed herself as she started the car, driving down the street slowly.

As she neared his block, she noticed that the party noise was coming not from Luke's house, but from a house on the other side of the street that had been unoccupied before.

She breathed a sigh of relief, and then glanced at his house. She noticed that it was dark and his car wasn't in the driveway.

As she turned around at the end of the block, she slowed as she drove by the house, finally noticing the for sale sign on the lawn.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She reached for a cigarette, not noticing that she had slowed the car almost to a crawl until a car that she hadn't known was behind her honked.

She sped up, so angry she could hardly see straight.

She ended up passing her house the first time by and had to circle the block to get back. She went into the house, shaking with anger and an intense pain that she didn't want to let herself feel.

So what if he'd moved she thought? It was over between them and he was getting on with his life.

She was angry at herself then, for letting it get to her. She vowed that she would think of Luke no more. That she would get on with her life for once and for all, too.
Chapter 13

Two years later

Kimber

He'd been coming into the bookstore for several weeks now on an almost daily basis.

She had inherited the new/used bookstore/coffee shop from her great aunt who had died when Kimber was in her second year of college, majoring ironically enough in business management. Her aunt had had no children of her own. Kimber had worked summers for her when she was a teenager. Since she was the only one in the family besides her aunt who had any kind of interest in the place, the store had gone to her.

The business was still pretty good even with all the chain bookstores and coffee shops. She enjoyed running the place, only hiring employees on a temporary basis at times of the year that were especially busy.

The store would never make her a millionaire, but business was good enough that she was able to live comfortably, especially considering she had also inherited her aunt's house.

He'd come in for coffee, browsing the shelves afterwards, sometimes buying a book or two, sometimes not.

It was a Thursday and business was slow, as it had been raining off and on all day. A lot of her regular customers that came in for coffee and paperbacks didn't like to venture out into the rain.

He shook himself when he entered the store, wiping his shoes on the mat by the door and brushing the water off of his jacket.

Kimber had tried to ignore how good looking he was. She wanted nothing to do with men at this point in her life as she'd recently walked in on her fiancé in a rather compromising position in their bed with not one, but two women.

She'd walked out on him that day, dropping the cheap engagement ring that he'd given her down the garbage disposal. She hadn't bothered to return for any of the clothes she'd left there and had moved into her aunt's house then, deciding not to sell it after all.

He walked up to the counter. She couldn't help but find him to be completely adorable at that moment. He was soaked from the rain, with his dark, wavy blonde hair falling into a gorgeous pair of hazel eyes.

She could tell he was built. His t-shirt was clinging to his chest, accentuating the muscles.

He draped his jacket over the back of a chair and sat down. "Can I get a coffee please?"

She nodded at him, moving to the pot, pouring him the strong Columbian blend that he favored.

She placed the mug in front of him, and had started to move towards the cash register to ring up the coffee when he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Do you know anything about poetry?"

"Not really. Why?"

He sighed. "I write songs, and have been asked to write a love song for someone. And having no love in my life to speak of, I have hit a wall. The one that they so casually call writer's block."

She wondered for a moment if this was some kind of cheap come on, thinking that there was no way that a guy that looked like him could be short of female attention. Then she decided that he seemed sincere.

She moved out from behind the counter. "I don't know a lot about poetry, but I suppose I can help you find a book since business isn't exactly booming."

He followed her over to the shelves. She found herself pulling several books off the shelf at random, not really looking at them, uncomfortable with his closeness.

She handed them to him, stepping back out into the wider aisle at the center of the store. She almost breathed a sigh of relief as some distance was put back between them.

She'd caught the scent of his cologne as he looked over her shoulder at the books and it had been threatening to drive her crazy.

He paged through a couple of the books, nodding at them, seemingly satisfied. "I think these will do. Thank you. I don't think I caught your name."

"Kimber."

"I'm Luke. It's nice to finally know your name. That's a pretty name. Kimber."

"Thanks."

She rang up the books and the coffee, bagging the books.

"I suppose I'll have to venture back out into the lovely weather now. Have a nice day Kimber."

"You, too."

He was almost to the door when he turned. "This might seem kind of forward, since we just officially met and all. But would you like to go out to dinner sometime?"

She wanted to tell him she had a boyfriend, thinking that maybe he would stop coming into the store. She thought that she would be able to go back to her peaceful existence of not thinking about men then. But she found herself unable to get the words out.

He was attractive and she'd certainly found herself attracted to him today, almost aroused. She surprised herself by blurting out "Okay."

"Great. I've got to get some work done on this song. It's the first time somebody asked me to write a song for them. It's really a wonderful feeling since I'm not exactly well known, but I wish they hadn't asked me to write a love song. I suppose your number would be helpful so that I could call you."

She pulled a scrap of paper from beside the cash register, a little relieved that he was busy for the time being and wouldn't be expecting to take her out soon. Maybe he would end up not calling at all, though she felt a little disappointment mixed with relief at that thought. But it wasn't like he didn't know where she worked. She suppressed a nervous giggle as she scrawled her cell phone number on the paper.

"I will definitely be giving you a call." He took the paper and gave her an almost cocky grin as he headed out the door.

The rest of the day was spent straightening shelves, and checking inventory as the rain continued its deluge. She had few customers.

Luckily though, it let up the next day and business was back to usual. She was soon caught up in the day to day business of running the store.

Several days passed. She tried not to think about Luke. Tried not to hope that he would call, but it wasn't completely working. She was a little annoyed with herself for wanting to become involved with another man.

But, she told herself, he only wanted to take her out to dinner. It's not like he'd proposed marriage, she added to herself with a shudder, marriage no.

She couldn't believe she'd accepted Orlando's proposal months before. Marriage had never seemed like something to look forward to to her. Her parents had divorced when Kimber and her brothers were quite young. By then it was a relief, the fighting in the house was so constant.

Her dad was on his third wife, though they had been together for several years now, and seemed happy. But her mother was on her fourth husband and that was threatening to crack. Upon finding out that her husband was screwing around with his young secretary at work, she was determined to get back at him, and had chosen to prove her continued desirability by taking up with a good looking but rather simple minded guy who was younger than Kimber.

It was all rather embarrassing and thoughts of marriage didn't sit well in her mind. Though she supposed that not all marriages were doomed from the beginning. There had to be people who got married for the right reasons. Who truly stuck together through thick and thin and stayed faithful.

She brushed the thoughts from her head as she unlocked the door to her house.

Her cell phone rang as she started to prepare dinner. She picked it up distractedly, without looking at the caller ID. She clamped it between her neck and her shoulder as she continued to chop lettuce for her salad.

"Hello."

"Kimber," a masculine voice said. Though it was somewhat familiar, she couldn't quite place it.

"Yeah." She put the knife down on the cutting board and sat down at the table.

"It's Luke. I finally finished that song. I was wondering if you were busy this weekend. If you might like to go out to dinner and a movie on Saturday night? Though please don't make me sit through anything even vaguely romantic. I've watched so many sappy romance movies on cable this past week for inspiration that I don't think I could take another one." He laughed.

"Um okay."

"Great. How does Saturday at six sound?"

"Sure."

She closed the store at five and it was only minutes away from home. That would give her plenty of time to go home, shower and find something to wear.

"If you'll be kind enough to give me your address, I'll pick you up."

She gave him her address. They said goodbye soon after.

She didn't let herself get too excited over the thought of her date.

She had been a little lonely since she'd walked out on Orlando two months before. Though she didn't like to admit it, she was finding herself wondering what Luke looked like without clothes on, picturing his well-toned chest.

She put thoughts of Luke out of her head as she finished her dinner preparations, chastising herself for thinking of what a guy she barely knew looked like naked.

So what if he was sexy as hell she thought? From his voice, to those eyes that could melt the heart of any woman who let herself look into them for long enough.

They were bedroom eyes, full of the promise of what she was sure he was very good at doing in bed.

She sighed as she finished the dishes, retiring to her room with a newly out paperback thriller by one of her favorite authors.

She was hoping the book would take her mind off of Luke, off of sex.

Luckily it did. As she went to sleep that night, her mind was on the twisted tale of the characters in her book.

Saturday came all too quickly. She found herself standing in front of her closet after her shower, her long blonde hair wrapped in a towel.

She had no idea what to wear.

She figured casual would probably be best, though she wondered if jeans would be too casual.

She sighed, running her eyes over her clothes. She had nice clothes of course, a few pant and skirt suits since she'd been planning a career in business, but she had always felt most comfortable in jeans. She was glad that she could wear what she wanted to work as she was the boss.

She pulled out a fairly new pair of jeans and finally decided on a sleeveless lavender blouse, with a matching cardigan.

She appraised herself in the mirror, adding a bit of gloss to her lips.

She knew she was pretty, enough people had told her so, both men and women as she was growing up. But she had always been a little defensive about her size.

She was 5'9, with long blonde hair and blue gray eyes, and while at a hundred and forty pounds she certainly wasn't fat, sometimes she thought she would have preferred being born as a smaller girl.

Well, she thought as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, at least Luke was tall, at least six feet. Orlando had only been five ten and with his wiry frame he'd barely weighed more than her which had driven her absolutely crazy. She wouldn't have to worry about feeling so big next to Luke.

She figured he had to weigh two hundred pounds or close to it, though she could tell that most of it was muscle.

She scowled at herself in the mirror, thinking that it was going to be hard enough to keep her mind off of his body with him next to her. And here she was, already thinking about it when he hadn't arrived yet.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear; one that never seemed to stay put no matter what she did with it, and walked to the living room.

She wanted to peek out the window at him, to see what he was wearing. But she figured that it would be rude to leave him standing on the porch in the cool spring air that sometimes still felt more like winter at night.

She held back a sigh of relief as she opened the door.

He was wearing jeans, with a long sleeved t-shirt and a light jacket over top. "You ready?"

She nodded, reaching behind her to the end table to grab her purse.

"You sure you're going to be warm enough? It's still kinda cold at night."

"I'll be okay," she said, though she could feel the chill through the light sweater.

He shrugged his shoulders, leading her to the beautifully restored cherry red mustang that was sitting in her driveway.

"Nice car."

"Thanks. I wish I could take credit for all the work of putting it back together myself, but I gave up after a while. Had to have somebody else do it for me."

He went around the car, getting into the driver's seat. She was grateful that he had left the car on, and the vents were pumping out hot air.

Damn her stupid female pride she thought. She should have gotten over herself and brought a damn jacket.

"I hope you like Italian."

"Sure," she said, as they pulled up in front of the small restaurant.

She loved the place. Their spaghetti and meatballs was almost famous locally, but she didn't want to seem too eager.

She was trying to play it cool when her heart was thudding in her chest, and her palms were sweaty. She felt like she hadn't been on a date in years.

Why did he have to be so damn good looking she thought? And so much a gentleman?

He'd opened the car door for her and stood back to hold the door for her as they went into the restaurant.

Orlando had never been much of a gentleman, only holding doors for her when he thought it would impress someone.

Stop it she told herself. No more thoughts of Orlando and what a jerk he is. Though you always secretly knew it didn't you? And no more thoughts of Luke naked or you're going to drive yourself absolutely crazy, calm down Kimber.

She took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly.

She felt herself start to calm as they were seated by a perky teenage waitress.

They talked a little about his song writing and the store. Dinner was nice.

She noticed he left a generous tip for the waitress, further confirming his appearance as a gentleman.

But damn, he looked like such a gloriously bad boy. She felt her thoughts slip uncomfortably back to sex as they left the restaurant.

The drive to the theater was silent.

They decided on a horror movie that was newly released, one that Kimber had been looking forward to seeing.

As they entered the darkened theater, she noticed that the theater had the air conditioner on. She almost immediately felt gooseflesh rise on her arms.

They took a seat in the middle of the theater, away from the noisy teenagers in the front and the couple who was taking advantage of the darkness to paw each other in the back. He noticed her shivers and said softly "I don't know why they have the air conditioning on. You'd think it was summer instead of barely spring. Take my jacket."

He draped it over her shoulders. She could smell him on the lightweight material, a mixture of his musky cologne and cigarette smoke, though he hadn't smoked since they'd been together and she'd never seen him light up when he was leaving the book store.

His car hadn't smelled like smoke either, it had smelled like the cherry vanilla air freshener hanging from the mirror.

She put her musings aside as the movie started.

The movie was good, it you happened to like slasher movies, which Kimber did.

He draped his arm lightly across the back of her chair; though not close enough to touch her.

When the movie was over, they filed out of the theater with the rest of the crowd, walking slowly to his car.

His jacket was still resting over her shoulders. She pulled it down and put her arms into it as they neared the car, as the night had grown chillier if anything.

She didn't know what to say on the short drive back to her house. Would he ask her out again she wondered? Should she ask him in?

When they reached her house, he walked her to the door.

She handed his jacket back to him. "Thanks. I had a nice time."

"So did I." His hand brushed hers as he took the jacket from her.

He leaned down and gave her a brief kiss, a brush of the lips really. She felt herself aching for more.

"I'd love to see more of you."

Damn she thought. If that didn't carry a double meaning. But hell, she'd wanted to see more of him since he'd walked into the store that day soaked from the rain, looking sexier than any man had a right to.

"That'd be great."

She found herself leaning up to give him a kiss that was not brief and that left her breathless though she'd initiated it. Oh, but he knew how to kiss she thought. With his mouth open slightly, though his tongue never left his own mouth.

She felt weak in the knees at the thought of what he could do with his tongue, with the way he'd made her feel with nothing more than his lips.

"Ah, I'll call you." He briefly took her hand.

"Yeah." She still felt slightly dazed.

He waited at the bottom of the steps until she had unlocked the door and entered the house.

She flipped the light switch, standing at the side of the window, watching while he drove away.

She saw him light a cigarette then, as though maybe he was as excited over their brief encounter as she was.

He stopped in the store the next day, telling her that he had to go away for a while. He would be gone for two weeks. Though she was disappointed, he promised he would call her as soon as he returned and that they would go out again.

He gave her a quick kiss on the way out since the shop was empty and her heart soared. Oh what was she getting herself into she thought? The last thing she needed was to get involved with someone as good looking as Luke. The really good looking ones were always the worst. They always had other women after them and invariably their heads were turned.

Take it one step at a time Kimber she chided herself. At least you didn't hop into bed with him on your first date, like you did with Orlando. Though she had been rather drunk at the time.

Chapter 14

The two weeks passed quickly. Luke came into the shop right before closing on Saturday night.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi." Her heart started to beat fast.

"I know it's rather short notice, but are you free for dinner tonight?"

"Um sure."

"Great. I'm gonna go outside for a cigarette if you don't mind. I've been trying to quit. I've been doing pretty well for a while, running around like crazy; but I find myself really needing one right now."

He took her hand briefly, giving her a warm smile.

"No problem. I need to take a quick look around before I close up anyway."

He went out the door. She could see him through the window, leaning against his car as he lit a cigarette.

As she looked at him, Kimber found herself getting distracted.

Why oh why did he have to ooze sex appeal from his very pores she wondered? Why was she letting him get to her?

She shook her head at herself as she turned the open sign on the door to 'closed'. She made a quick walk through of the store, stopping to replace a book here and there on the shelves. She took a deep breath as she grabbed her purse from behind the counter, setting the alarm quickly as she switched off the lights.

She locked the door, noticing that her hands shook a little as she did so.

Damn, she thought. If you're this bad before you've been to bed with him, how are you going to act afterwards?

He opened the car door for her. She caught a look in his eyes briefly that made her think that he'd been thinking about going to bed with her as much as she'd thought about going to bed with him.

Oh boy, she thought as he started the car. This should be an interesting night.

"So. What sounds good?"

She blinked for a minute, having to remind herself that he was talking about food. "Um, I don't care really. I'm not picky."

"Ah, a woman after my own heart. You wouldn't mind if we stopped for takeout then would you? I just stopped at home for a few minutes to drop my stuff off. A quiet night at home sounds really good right about now. That is, if you don't mind?"

"Um sure." Then she wanted to kick herself.

She was sounding like a nervous teenager again, and since at twenty-four she was far from a teenager and had been running a business for four years now that did not sit well.

He pulled out onto the street, and spied a fast food drive through up ahead. "If you don't object to greasy burgers and fries. . ."

"Sure." Though she didn't eat fast food often, and tried to eat healthy; she did indulge in fast food now and then.

"I'll bring you back for your car later."

In the excitement of seeing him, she'd almost forgotten about it.

"Okay."

Kimber figured she really needed to stop answering him in one word sentences, or with uh and um or he was going to think she was a blithering idiot.

They pulled up to the drive through. The line was short. Both ordered burgers and fries and sodas.

"Good. You don't drink diet soda. I had a girlfriend that did. She was so skinny she didn't need it. It drove me crazy."

He seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment. Then he glanced at her, having placed his soda in the cup holder. "Sorry."

"It's okay." She gave him a weak smile. "I never liked the taste of diet soda. I don't drink soda much at all really, but diet always tasted gross to me." She let out a nervous laugh.

"I agree," he said, with a quiet laugh of his own.

The only sound in the car was the radio for several minutes, until he pulled up in front of a small house with a well-kept yard.

He turned the car off and came around to open her door for her. "Home sweet home."

She stood nervously beside him as he unlocked the door, wondering what his house would be like.

She was pleasantly surprised. He flicked a light switch that illuminated a small but relatively tidy living room, with a large, expensive looking stereo system set up in an entertainment center above the TV.

There was a desk in the other corner, covered with sheet music and a closed laptop.

There was only a hint of the smell of cigarettes in the air, an air purifier plugged in by the wall that led to the small kitchen. A light scent of strawberries drifted out from an air freshener.

She followed him to the kitchen where he handed her her food at the table. He dug into his food quickly. He devoured his burger in a few bites, only slowing down when he got to his fries.

"Sorry." He wiped a drip of mustard off his chin as he took a sip of his soda. "I didn't get a chance to stop for lunch. I only got back an hour or so ago, but I really wanted to see you."

She felt a blush rise to her cheeks. She ducked her head as she dipped a fry into the ketchup that she'd squeezed onto the lid of the burger container. "It's all right."

He sat back and patted his stomach after he'd finished his food. "Much better. And now, not to be rude again, but I've been on the road most of the day and would really benefit from a shower."

She gulped. "Okay."

He took her hand, leading her to the couch. "I'll leave you in control of the remote." He handed it to her, his hand lightly brushing hers.

She almost jumped at the contact, already thinking of him in the shower.

Shit, I really need to calm down Kimber thought. Or I'm going to find myself sneaking into the bathroom, and spying on him in the shower.

She turned the TV on, not really interested, but wanting to do something rather than sit there and look at the walls, thinking of him naked in the shower.

She heard the shower start a few minutes later and turned the volume up on the TV.

She was almost squirming in her seat. The TV was so loud that she almost didn't hear his cell phone when it rang.

"Shit," she said, as the shower was still going.

What should she do? Let it ring, or call out to him, she wondered.

She breathed a sigh of relief as it stopped. She cursed under her breath as it rang again.

He came out of the shower then, wearing nothing but a towel. And damn if his chest didn't look better than she'd thought it would.

"I thought I heard my phone ring."

"Yeah," she said weakly, tearing her eyes away from his naked chest.

He looked down at himself and seemed to realize for the first time that he was half naked before her in his living room. "I guess I should get dressed, shouldn't I?"

He turned, but then the phone rang again. "I guess it must be important."

As he turned to reach for it from the desk where he'd plugged it into the wall charger, the towel slipped. She caught a glimpse of his butt, still slightly wet.

She swallowed, feeling her throat grow dry. She wanted a cigarette so bad she could taste it, though it had been a short lived habit for her, one she'd taken up for a while in college. She could see him talking quietly into the phone in the kitchen, holding the towel with one hand as it was now trying to fall off completely.

She found herself almost reaching for the cigarettes he'd left on the table; the tension was so thick in the air. She pulled her hand back when he returned to the living room.

He had re secured the towel, and said to her with a chuckle "You'd have thought the world was ending. It was my cousin. She'd heard some sort of ridiculous rumor that the song I'd written was for her favorite pop diva of the moment and couldn't wait to hear all about it."

"Oh." She wouldn't look at him. Her face felt like it was on fire. She hadn't blushed this much since she'd been caught by her then stepfather making out with her boyfriend in her brothers' tree house at the age of fourteen. "Maybe I should go." She started to get up.

"Kimber. Hold on a minute. Let me get dressed and I'll take you to your car."

"No." She grabbed her purse. "I can walk."

She had to get out of here or she was going to pull that towel off of him and force herself on him.

"Damn. I screwed up coming out here like this didn't I?" He was apologetic, crossing his arms over his chest, as if she hadn't already seen enough to haunt her dreams for nights to come. "I thought with the phone ringing like that that it might be something important. My parents or something with my cousin. She has diabetes and there's always the worry that you know. . . Shit."

She found herself wanting to comfort him, he looked so upset. But she knew where that would lead. If she so much as touched him, there'd be no going back. Especially if he wanted her a fraction as much as she wanted him.

"It's not you Luke." She looked at her shoes, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. "It's me."

"Damn." He started to reach a hand towards her, then stopped seeing the look on her face. "Kimber." She found herself dropping weakly back onto the couch.

She reached out a hand, softly brushing it over his face. Then she was kissing him. His eyes drifted closed as her mouth demonstrated to him how hungry he'd made her.

She kicked her shoes off as his hands fumbled with the buttons on her cardigan.

The towel, having finally given up the fight, lay discarded on the floor.

He took her hand and led her towards the bedroom.

As he flicked on the bedside lamp, she rid herself of the rest of her clothes. Then she lay back on the bed, almost shaking with anticipation.

He rummaged through the nightstand, knocking some papers to the floor in his haste.

He looked at her a few minutes later and sat on the bed empty handed. "Damn. I thought I had condoms but I don't. I could go to the store?"

"Shit." She bit her lip.

She'd given up taking birth control pills since she'd split from Orlando. Not that she'd remembered to take them half the time anyway. Though it hadn't really mattered. He'd always had an almost laughingly large stock of condoms on hand.

What were the chances that she'd get pregnant the one and only time she'd had sex without protection she thought?

Before the consequences could play out in her head, she looked up at him. She saw the blind passion in his eyes, and felt what her body wanted so urgently.

She pulled him down with her to the bed, kissing him as she whispered in his ear. "Next time."

All thoughts of pregnancy flew from her mind as he entered her.

He tried to go slow at first, but she found herself gripping his buttocks, pulling him more fully into her.

He kissed her, his tongue probing her mouth. She pulled away as she felt the rush of climax nearing, finding herself biting lightly into his earlobe, her nails digging into his back.

She cried out his name. His movements slowed, as if he wanted to bring his own climax more slowly. She moved her hips in rhythm with his, not wanting the moment to end.

He finished with a quiet groan several minutes later and gave her a kiss which made her head spin.

He moved off of her, propping his head on his hand as he looked at her with a cocky grin.

"Damn," he said. "And I thought I'd done something wrong by coming out in only a towel. Boy was I wrong."

She felt herself blushing again and turned away from him. "I guess you're irresistible."

"I know that." He brushed a hand over her hair, tipping her face up to his for another earth shattering kiss. "Just didn't realize I had quite that effect on you." As he turned she could see the fingernail marks that she'd left on his back.

Damn, she thought to herself as she looked at the marks, thinking that maybe it had been a good thing that she hadn't let him go to the store. She'd probably have drawn blood if she'd had to wait for him any longer.

He shook a cigarette out of the pack beside the bed. She almost shook her head when he offered one to her. Then she changed her mind and stuck it in her mouth, letting him light it for her.

It did calm her nerves some, of which she was glad.

He was so sexy in the soft light from the bedside lamp. She found dirty thoughts threatening to cloud her mind again.

He dropped his cigarette into the covered ashtray, leaning over to offer it to her, and his arm brushed lightly against her breast.

She felt a little thrill go through her.

"I suppose I should take you back to your car now." He sighed.

"If you don't mind, I could stay?"

He gave her a sexy grin. "I'd never decline an offer of a beautiful woman sharing my bed for the night."

She snuggled into his arms and he pulled the covers over them. "Do you need me to set the alarm?" he said sleepily several minutes later.

"No." She was half asleep herself. "The shop's closed every other Sunday. Luckily tomorrow happens to be one of those Sundays."

"Good."

Soon she could hear him breathing the even breath of sleep beside her.

She went to sleep with a smile on her face. He'd been better in bed than she'd imagined, and damn the consequences.

She awoke late the next morning, stretching lazily.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror by the closet and groaned.

She looked like hell.

Her hair was a mess. Her lips were still slightly puffy from the frenzied kissing of the night before. She had a light hickey above her left breast; one that she had little recollection of him giving her. Her mouth tasted terrible from the cigarette she'd smoked the night before.

She groaned, remembering that one of the reasons she'd quit smoking was that she'd wake up with her mouth dry as hell the nights after she'd smoked too much and the taste in her mouth was absolutely revolting.

She went into the bathroom, using the toilet and washing her hands. She splashed water on her face and helped herself to a capful of the mouthwash beside the sink, rinsing her mouth and spitting into the sink.

Kimber made a face at herself in the mirror, smoothing her hair back. She had gone back into the bedroom in search of her clothes when he walked in with a sexy grin, wearing a pair of faded jeans that hung low on his hips

"Mornin' beautiful." He gave her a quick kiss.

"Morning," she said lightly, fighting with the clasp of her bra.

He reached around to help her. She almost moaned at the feeling of his hands on her back. If he did this to her now, she thought, what would it be like after another night together?

"You really are beautiful."

"You aren't so bad yourself." She stepped into her panties, which she'd found hanging off of the wastebasket.

"When I woke up this morning and saw you sleeping in my bed, I thought that I could easily imagine waking up beside you every morning." And then his mouth was on hers again.

Damn she thought as he pulled back, he was already thinking about a commitment?

It seemed so fast, and the thought of rushing into another relationship almost turned her stomach.

But as she looked up at him, standing in his bedroom barefoot, clad in only an old pair of jeans, all bad boy charm, she could easily imagine herself waking up beside him every day, too.

The thought brought an odd sense of comfort. Not the nagging sense that she'd always tried to ignore when she was with Orlando, the feeling that she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, that it had been inevitable for her to find him in bed with someone else.

The thought of a relationship with Luke was thrilling, and sex was only a part of it.

As he took her hand and led her towards the kitchen, she knew that she would let nature take its course. She couldn't let this one get away.

Chapter 15

Sierra

Sierra sat up in bed, moving her sleeping boyfriend's arm off of her with a groan as she looked at the clock beside the bed.

"Damn it."

The alarm had failed to go off yet again. She had little more than half an hour to get to class and Paul had the same to get to work. "Paul, wake up." She nudged him with her bare foot as she climbed out of bed. "The damned alarm clock didn't go off. I told you you needed to get a new one."

He cracked open one beautifully blue eye and mumbled. "Hmm."

"Shit." She reached out to shake him more fully awake. "Alarm clock," she said, as he pulled her down to him. "Work, school, late."

He sat up, giving her a kiss so wonderful that she was able to forgive his morning breath.

She pulled away from him, reaching for a cigarette.

"Sierra." He glared at her as he watched her light up. "You said you were going to quit."

"Tomorrow, love," she said breezily as she rummaged in the dresser for clothes. The cigarette was clamped in the corner of her mouth as she pulled on panties.

"You always say that." He sighed, reaching to pull a pair of slacks out of the closet.

She fastened her bra. "I'd be as uptight as you if I quit now."

"Bitch." He shook his head at her as he tightened his belt.

"Ooh testy this morning, aren't we?" She reached out to ruffle his hair. "You know you love me the way I am."

"That's not the point. It's bad for you and it stinks."

"Then I'll smoke outside." She stepped into her shoes.

"Again, not the point. I don't want you to end up with lung cancer before we get the chance to get married."

She rolled her eyes at him, bristling a little at his mention of marriage.

Granted, she'd been living with him for two months, though she told herself it was as much for convenience as anything else. His roommate had moved out unexpectedly. Considering the fact that they spent most of their time together, it had made more sense for her to move from her dorm to his place instead of to the house that she'd been living in with friends over the summer months. She hadn't wanted to return home because of her job and the fact that while she'd forged a somewhat better relationship with her mom and stepfather; she still didn't want to be under their roof during the long hot summer months.

"I said I'll quit and I will. Eventually." She grinned.

He threw his pillow at her. She ducked, letting it fall harmlessly to the floor beside her.

She stepped over to him, running her hands over his muscular arms as she pulled his head down to hers for a kiss, sucking his tongue lightly in the way that she knew drove him crazy.

"By the way." She headed toward the bathroom to brush her teeth and her hair. "You really need to brush your teeth."

He scowled at her, his blue eyes behind the frames of his wire rimmed glasses full of fire.

She always told him that he should get contacts with his gorgeous eyes, but he told her that with his blonde surfer boy looks that no one would take him seriously without them. She supposed he was at least partly right. He looked like such a jock that without knowing him it was hard to take him seriously.

But once you got to know him, or spent any more than a few minutes talking to him, you realized that while he was athletic, he was no jock and he was far from dumb.

Paul was serious, sometimes Sierra found him to be altogether too serious. Like this morning, she thought as she watched him spit toothpaste into the sink.

She was glad that since it was summer, her class was only part of a CPR course that she figured she'd have to get around to taking eventually if she wanted to work with kids.

He was on his way to work at the sporting goods store that his uncle managed.

"You know I love you right?"

"Of course." She grabbed her purse.

"Even if you are a pain in the ass."

She pinched his as he reached for his car keys. "If you really want to know what a pain in the ass is, I think I could be persuaded to spank you."

"Sierra. Sometimes you have a strange sense of humor."

"Ugh." She dug her car keys out and put the strap of her purse over her shoulder. "And sometimes you really are a prude Paul." She made a face at him.

"I'm not a prude. I'm not into being kinky."

"Spoil sport," she shot at him as he locked the door of their two-bedroom apartment.

She'd been a little afraid when he'd first asked her to move in that though they'd been sleeping together for a while, he'd planned on her sleeping in the other bedroom instead of his.

But to her relief, he'd cleared out half of the closet and the dresser, clearly expecting her to share his room.

He stuck his tongue out at her as he unlocked his car. She bit back a teasing reply of better things he could do with his tongue. She knew he wouldn't appreciate it. He waved at her as he pulled out of the parking lot, calling out the window "I love you."

"I love you, too." She said though she knew that he couldn't hear her.

Sierra was glad that her class was short and that she didn't have to work that day, as she found herself a bit cranky after her exchange with Paul that morning.

She returned home a little after eleven planning to eat an early lunch, then maybe surf the net for a while. She wanted to see if she could catch up with Ashley who'd transferred to another school the last semester.

She made herself a sandwich, not really tasting it as she half listened to the radio that was playing softly in the kitchen.

She glanced at the closed door of the spare bedroom that Paul had turned into a mini gym, figuring that it probably wouldn't hurt her to work out for a while.

She patted her not quite flat stomach and sighed, thinking that she wasn't in the mood.

She wasn't in the mood to do anything really, she figured as she lay on their bed, the early afternoon light creeping through the blinds.

As she lay there, her head snuggled into Paul's pillow as she loved the fresh clean scent of the cologne he used, her mind drifted back to the first time they'd had sex. It had been almost laughable. They'd been going out for three weeks at the time. She'd invited him over to the rental house that she was sharing with Ashley and another girl that summer. She had set out to get him drunk and seduce him as she was feeling, well, she had been feeling rather horny.

She'd pulled the bottle of cinnamon schnapps out of the freezer. At first he'd refused to drink with her at all, as they were both under age, she being twenty and he being nineteen, but she'd finally convinced him to take a drink.

She'd had quite a pleasant buzz going on and thought that it would be as good a time as any to lead him upstairs to her bedroom.

It hadn't helped that she'd stumbled on the stairs and would probably have fallen if he hadn't been behind her.

She'd rid herself of her clothes. He'd stared at her as if astonished that she'd do such a thing.

She'd pulled him to the bed and started kissing him. She could tell he was into it. She'd felt the erection pushing against his khaki shorts, but he'd balked when she'd tried to remove them, telling her that things were going a little fast.

She'd been angry then, and had been reaching for her clothes when he'd stopped her, pulling her to him for a kiss that was somehow less than passionate, though she could tell he still had an erection.

He'd let her remove his clothes then, but had seemed almost uncomfortable as she'd put on the condom for him, as he was moving way too slow for her by that point.

She'd told herself that he was obviously into it. Hard ons don't lie, but it had almost seemed like a pity fuck. As he'd kissed her goodbye that night she'd thought that it was a more final goodbye and hadn't expected to hear from him again. He had called her again, though by that point she'd decided that she'd let him make the first move when it came to sex.

He'd made her wait another three months and had asked her for permission to make love to her.

It had all been so weird. Though she was certainly glad that he no longer asked her for her permission to make love to her, Paul was still so uptight about sex that it drove her crazy.

And she didn't understand it. Well, she understood partly. He'd explained to her that he'd been painfully shy around girls in high school. The only girlfriend he'd had had given him an STD. She was screwing half the football team. But she figured he should have gotten over all of that by now.

He was so serious about everything, sex included, that it bugged the hell out of her.

She'd never met a man who took sex so seriously.

Granted, she didn't have a lot of experience. There had only been Austin who had been so full of adolescent lust that he'd hurried through every encounter, completely forgetting to take her pleasure into account. And the one night stand she'd had when she'd finally let Ashley drag her to a party near the end of their freshman year, with some guy whose face she couldn't remember and whose name she wasn't sure she'd ever known she'd been so damn drunk. And there was Luke of course.

Luke, who had seemed to take nothing seriously only to turn into a wannabe family man. But damn the sex had been good she thought, especially the makeup sex those last few weeks before she'd left.

They'd argue over nothing. Neither bringing up what they were really feeling, but the sex afterwards was so good that they forgot all about it anyway.

She sighed as she reached for a cigarette, already forgetting her promise of that morning to Paul that she wouldn't smoke inside and her promise to him when she'd first moved in that she'd never smoke in bed.

What was it with men and this whole marriage thing she thought? Weren't women supposed to be the ones who yearned for the whole picture perfect family life?

She liked kids well enough of course, as she planned to make her career working with them. She just couldn't picture herself as a mother or a wife.

She was young. While she still wasn't the type to screw indiscriminately, her one-night stand with whatshisname non-withstanding, and though he brought it up casually, she knew that he expected their relationship to make what he considered a natural progression that would end in marriage and a family.

While she loved him because he was smart, funny, thoughtful and kind, and had a surprisingly witty sense of humor when he decided to show it, not to mention how gorgeous he happened to be; and he was certainly steady and reliable, she wished that their sex life was a bit more exciting or spontaneous.

They'd gotten into the habit of having sex twice a week, which seemed to happen on Saturday nights as Sunday was the day off that they shared together and Tuesday nights. Wednesday was her other day off.

She almost felt like they were an old married couple already, planning their sex life around kids or activities that didn't exist.

She yearned for the carefree have sex when the urge hits you, not when you don't have to work the next morning, easiness that she'd shared with Luke.

She'd felt her thoughts drifting to him quite a bit lately. Wondering when she heard a new song on the radio if he'd been the one that had written it. Wondering what he was doing now, who he was with or sleeping with.

She almost wished that she'd accepted his proposal, as the idea of marriage loomed with Paul anyway.

She shook her head at herself as she stubbed out her second chain smoked cigarette.

He'd been the one that had left without saying goodbye. Yes, her inner voice nagged at her, right after you spat in the face of his proposal, when he was trying to give you what you'd asked him for two months before, begged him for really. She sighed as she glanced at the clock, deciding to take a nap before her late afternoon doctor's appointment.

What she really wanted wasn't Luke at all, right? What she wanted was for Paul to loosen up and for a little spice in their positively vanilla sex life.

Yet when she fell asleep, it was Luke she dreamed of. She woke up sweaty at a little after two p.m., remembering vaguely that she'd dreamed of running out of a lavishly decorated church where she was marrying Paul, right into Luke's arms.

She glared at herself in the mirror as she reached for a cigarette, thinking idiot, and lay back on the bed smoking.

She sprayed the room liberally with air freshener when she'd finished. She thought that maybe it would cover up the smell enough that Paul wouldn't yell at her when he got home, for smoking in their bedroom instead of the living room or the kitchen like he'd asked.

It amused her that he'd rather have her smoke in the kitchen where they cooked; or he mostly cooked, than in the bedroom. But she'd been pretty good about abiding by his wishes, most of the time.

It was a mercifully short trip to the clinic, as she only went in for birth control. She was home by four and had an hour or so to herself before he got off of work at five. She thought briefly about cooking dinner then decided against it, as her attempts to make anything more than sandwiches usually ended up with the blare of the smoke detector. She figured that Paul would appreciate Chinese takeout more than he'd appreciate whatever she would make or burn to a crisp.

She ordered the food at a quarter 'til five, figuring that it would arrive about the same time as he did.

She was racking her brain, trying to think of a surefire way to tempt Paul into a night of unplanned sex when the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of dinner.

He came in as she was setting the table. He gave her a quick kiss as he headed back to their bedroom to remove his shoes, to replace them in their usual spot in the closet.

He thanked her for dinner, almost as if she'd cooked it herself. Then they retired to the living room to their usual spots on the couch to watch TV.

"Paul." Sierra snuggled up to him. "I went to the doctor today."

"Oh." He didn't look away from the TV.

"I got that shot. So we don't have to worry about using condoms anymore. I thought that we could you know maybe. . ."

He glanced at her then. "Baby I'm tired. I had a hard day at work." Then he had the nerve to pat her on the head and say "Maybe tomorrow night."

Damn, the next thing she knew he was going to be claiming that he had a headache Sierra thought. Granted they had had sex the night before because by god it was Tuesday night but what the hell? She should be able to have sex with her boyfriend when she damn well pleased. No matter what day of the week it was.

She was so angry at him that she wanted to hit him. "I'm going for a drive." She grabbed her purse.

"Sierra. Is everything okay?"

"Peachy," she said through gritted teeth.

"Okay." He went back to watching TV.

Damn him, she thought as she strode angrily toward her car. There was no way in hell she was going to marry him EVER if she couldn't convince him to screw her on a non-designated night of the week.

She wanted to go to a bar and go home with the first willing stranger she met to get back at him and to prove to herself that she was still attractive.

She glanced at herself in the mirror as she pulled out onto the street. Nope, she hadn't turned into some repulsive creature while she hadn't been looking she thought.

She still had the same wide green eyes, the same clear skin and the same long blonde hair.

While Paul hadn't been thrilled when she'd cut her hair from the length it had been, trailing halfway down her back to right above her shoulders, and she had gained a few pounds, she knew she was still pretty enough or at the very least cute. She was no runway model, but she was still known to turn heads now and then.

She lit a cigarette, hitting the button to change the radio station that was playing some love song that she found completely stomach turning at the moment. She drove aimlessly around town for a while.

When she returned home an hour later, having blown off most of the steam that had been threatening to take her head off, Paul was in the shower, humming to himself.

She thought for a minute about joining him. She quickly discarded the idea and instead stripped, putting on a slinky negligee, and lay back on the bed waiting for him. He came out several minutes later, drying his hair on a towel which he promptly threw into the hamper, already reaching for the pajama bottoms and loose t-shirt that he wore to bed.

"Paul." She batted her eyelashes at him.

"Yes, Sierra?"

"Make love to me."

"Sierra."

She looked up at him and could see the "no" in his eyes. "Damn it Paul. Don't make me beg."

"Sierra I . . ."

"Fuck it." She rolled over to her side of the bed. "Never mind."

He had turned on the TV, tuning it to the local news, when she rolled over and glared at him.

"Don't you ever want to let go Paul? Do something spontaneous, something a little crazy? Haven't you ever wanted to run stark naked in the rain?"

He stared at her, and she turned back to her side of the bed with a groan.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath. "I might as well be living with a damn priest."

"I heard that," he murmured into her ear.

"So?"

He turned off the TV. She thought he was planning on going to sleep until she felt him kissing her neck.

She turned her head to give him better access and soon felt his hand slipping under the sheer fabric of her negligee to lightly cup her breast.

Her breath quickened as he traced her nipple with his fingertip, turning her head to give him access to her mouth.

He kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed up her night gown, spreading her legs and entering her from behind.

She moved with his thrusts, pressing her body fully against him, to take him more deeply inside her.

She felt him lightly pinching her nipples. His breath was hot on her neck as he kissed her, sucked at her; bit her oh so lightly.

Her orgasm came all too quickly, his coming soon after.

He held her close to him for a moment before he withdrew from her, his hands now slack on her breasts.

Finally, he pulled back, tucking himself back into his pajama bottoms, pulling her gown back down and smoothing it back into place. "I love you Sierra."

"Wow." She turned to gaze at him.

He raised an eyebrow, and gave her a questioning look. It was almost as if he didn't realize what he'd done to her.

"Wow," she repeated. "So you do know how to fuck."

"Ugh." He turned away to put his glasses into their case on the night stand.

"No." She realized he'd taken it as an insult. "It was great. Really great. Sometimes it's okay babe, if there's more to sex than making love."

She brushed her hand lightly across his face, wishing that he'd let himself go more than a day without shaving. He'd be so sexy with a little stubble. "I love you Paul."

"I love you too, Sierra." He drew her into his arms. "Goodnight."

"G'night."

She thought that if she could persuade him into more nights of sex like they'd had that night, marrying him might not be so bad after all.

Chapter 16

Paul bought Sierra an engagement ring right before Christmas that year. While she was finding herself resigned to the idea of marriage, the thought still didn't bring the excitement to her that it seemed to bring to him.

She'd told him that she'd marry him, but told him to put the ring away until after they graduated, and that if he mentioned it again, she might decide not to marry him at all. He had looked so hurt when she'd put the ring back into his hands that she'd wanted to take it back. His eyes had almost looked moist as he looked at her, like he was going to do something as ridiculous as cry. But she'd held her tongue and he'd kept his mouth shut from then on.

He'd proposed again the day after graduation and she'd accepted the ring, then slipping what really was a beautiful ring onto her finger.

It was a thin gold band set with the sapphire of her birthstone.

She briefly thought of Luke's ring when she put it on. The diamond that she'd never removed from the velvet box, but hadn't been able to convince herself to get rid of.

She grudgingly started to join in the wedding plans, figuring that marriage couldn't be too different than living together. Though a part of her still figured they had everything backward, as he was the one planning where they would get married, who to invite etc.

She herself had few people that she wanted to invite. A few friends from school, her mom and Timothy, her grandmother and Ashley.

She was a little wary about getting married in a church also, not only because she had not attended church in years but because when she thought of it, the dream she'd had of running out a wedding ceremony in a church straight into Luke's arms still loomed uneasily in her mind.

But she wouldn't do that would she if somehow after all this time; Luke managed to show up out of the blue at her wedding. Or would I she thought?

She loved Paul and their sex life had been better, though it was still a little too predictable for her tastes. Though she still found him to be uptight about some things, he made her happy.

Luke was a distant memory that she couldn't completely put out of her mind. Somehow things still felt unfinished between them.

They were married in early October, in a small church in his hometown. His side of the church easily housed twice as many people as hers as he'd invited extended family and a few friends from high school.

She'd thought briefly of inviting Austin and Ilana but quickly discarded the idea. She hadn't told Paul much of anything about her past loves. Not a word about Luke and certainly not much about Austin, since she was still a little embarrassed over the fact that he'd been cheating for so long and had gotten Ilana pregnant in the process.

Sierra thought that it was a nice ceremony all in all.

After a short honeymoon, they started their lives together as man and wife. Sierra found that married life wasn't too different from living together though she found him too eager to have children. He had convinced her to quit getting her birth control shots six months before they'd been married as he'd heard that after taking them for a time, they continued to provide birth control without taking them.

She wasn't thrilled about the idea of having a child. She was scared to death of the idea, and found herself wanting to return to the doctor and get the shots in secret or get pills. But she quietly set her fears aside and went without birth control.

He seemed to open up a little then sexually. While she knew that it was because he wanted her to have his child, she was gratified to be able to have sex when the mood hit. So married life wasn't so bad. Until. . .

Chapter 17

One year later

Sierra glanced at herself in the rearview mirror, dabbing a bit of gloss on her lips.

She was already late for work at the small private learning center where she taught two, three and four year olds but damned if she was going to go in there looking like hell.

She was three months pregnant. Paul seemed to enjoy it all so much more than she did. But then again he wasn't the one with his head hanging over the toilet every morning either was he, she thought with a sigh.

She popped a breath mint into her mouth. She'd brushed her teeth, but thought she caught a slight taste of bile in the back of her throat.

Ugh she thought. She brushed her hair out of her eyes, pulling her purse with her as she pushed the remote button to lock her car.

With one hand she pulled her hair back into a quick ponytail, glancing in the side mirror of the car.

She almost dropped the elastic band. The sight she'd caught in her peripheral vision could not be real.

She turned slightly, and her heart threatened to beat right out of her chest as she caught a voice that was still familiar after all these years.

She couldn't quite make out what he was saying as he was bent down next to the little blonde girl that was standing next to him. She was a beautiful little girl with blonde hair that was too light to have come from. . . Oh god was he her father Sierra thought? Had to be because as she sneaked another peek, she saw that the little girl indeed had his eyes, Luke's eyes.

As she straightened, knowing that she had to get inside; had to get to work, she felt his eyes on her and felt herself on the verge of throwing up for the second time that morning. Though this time it would have been from nerves instead of morning sickness.

She hurried to the door, throwing it open with a hand that was shaking. She took a deep breath, putting on a smile as she turned to face the pleasant though plain and slightly plump older woman that shared the main teaching duties with her.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mrs. Johnson," she said quickly.

"It's okay Sierra." There was sympathy in her light brown eyes. "I know what it's like dealing with first time pregnancy. And" she added with a quiet laugh, "Second and third and fourth also."

She patted Sierra on the arm, leading her to their shared office to quickly go over the lesson plans for the day before the small children clustered loosely in front of one of the aides who was handling the morning story for the day could get too anxious.

She was able to forget about Luke for a moment. Until the door opened and he led the still protesting little girl into the brightly painted large room.

She thought her heart would stop as he came towards her and Mrs. Johnson. He stopped briefly to whisper something into his daughter's ear, brushing a kiss across the top of her blonde head.

"But Daddy," the little girl whined. "I promise I won't get in your way. Mommy always let me stay home with you before."

"Alexis. You know you never get in Daddy's way. But Mommy thought." He gave her a mock stern look that sent her into a bout of giggles. "That it would be good for you to be around other kids sometimes and not just your old Daddy."

"You're not old Daddy." She let out another giggle. "At least I don't think so. Not old like Grandpa anyway."

"Yeah," he said teasingly. "I guess Grandpa is pretty old huh?"

His eyes met Sierra's briefly. She thought her heart would stop as she saw the flash of recognition there.

He took his daughter's hand, leading her their way. "You know Mrs. Johnson, Ali and this is?"

When he paused Sierra wanted to blurt out something ridiculous like the woman that wouldn't marry your daddy, but Mrs. Johnson jumped in quickly, sensing Sierra's hesitation.

"This is Mrs. Brooks, Alexis."

"Nice to meet you," the little girl said politely, though she was obviously already more interested in the children than she was in Sierra; almost straining to loosen her hand from her daddy's all of a sudden.

Sierra let her eyes meet Luke's again and thoughts flashed across her mind almost in a panic. Oh why did she have to be married to someone else when he came back into her life? Why did she have to be carrying someone else's child she thought?

But obviously he was married too, as she could see the gold band on his hand. And he had a beautiful little girl who she judged to be somewhere between two and three years old.

What were the odds that they would end up living in the same town she wondered?

She and Paul were there because of the job that Paul had at the company where he worked as a software designer. It was a good job. She'd been lucky to find this one, as she'd been finding it hard to find a decent teaching job. She had been working at daycare centers at times, and though she loved the work, she wanted to put her degree to work.

But why oh why did Luke have to live in the same town Sierra thought? Why did he have to walk into her life with a gorgeous little girl who so obviously adored him, looking the same as she remembered him? Sexy as ever in jeans and t-shirt, though he now sported a pair of wire rimmed glasses. They were similar to Paul's, though they in no part took away from the rugged handsomeness of his face. His face was clean shaven though that was new; as he'd always sported some stubble before, never bothering to shave whenever the first hint of hair showed up as Paul always had.

Oh she needed to stop she thought. Needed to stop comparing her husband to her ex-lover who now stood before her looking as if he hadn't aged a day in the, had it been almost five years since she'd seen him last?

She shook herself inwardly, bringing herself back to the present, to meet the woman's eyes beside her. She could see the concern there. Sierra felt color rise to her cheeks.

She must look as if she'd seen a ghost. But no, he was all flesh and blood and was sticking out a hand to shake hers.

She looked up at him for a moment that lasted too long, and then gave him her hand hesitantly. She shook his, not letting her hand linger for longer than a few seconds.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Brooks. You two will take good care of my little girl right?"

His voice sounded perfectly calm and easy while Sierra felt herself dying inside.

"Of course Mr. Stone," Verna Johnson said. "You can be assured that Alexis will be in good hands. And." She smiled. "Maybe after a few days your wife's mind will be at ease, too."

"Of course. You can call me Luke. I never did much take to being called Mr. Stone."

"Of course Luke."

He bent down beside his daughter then; who was really starting to squirm. She had tired of the adult conversation, and was ready to acquaint herself with the children.

"I love you Miss Alexis. You be a good girl. Daddy will be back to pick you up before you know it."

"'Kay. Love you too, Daddy."

He released his daughter's hand and she ran off to join the other children. They were now involved in an art project, under the direction of the aide that had been reading and another young girl who looked much too young to be a mother herself, though her son had attended the center until he'd gone on to kindergarten in the fall.

"I guess I'd better get to work. I was a little anxious about bringing her here because she really is little trouble at home, but Kimber insisted that she needed more interaction with children her age than the occasional trip to the park will bring." He smiled.

"I'm sure your wife was right. She'll be fine, you'll see." Mrs. Johnson said.

"Of course. Have a nice day Mrs. Johnson." He added with only the slightest hesitation, though Sierra, already tense, caught it. "Mrs. Brooks."

He walked away then. Sierra found herself able to breathe again.

"Are you okay Sierra? You look a little pale."

"Just the morning sickness hanging on a little longer than usual this morning I guess. Boy am I glad it's almost over."

"Let's hope so. You never know though, sometimes it hangs on past the first trimester."

"Ugh. I think I'll make a quick trip to the restroom if you don't mind?"

"Of course not. The children are involved in their project and a few minutes won't hurt."

She patted Sierra lightly on the arm as she walked towards the restroom. She could feel the woman's eyes on her back. She thought that maybe the woman knew it was more than morning sickness that had Sierra feeling queasy this morning.

Had she caught the quick hint of recognition in Luke's eyes when he'd looked at her she wondered? Had she suspected that Sierra and Luke were already acquainted? Quite well acquainted. She looked at herself in the mirror, not liking the cornered; almost trapped look in her eyes.

How was she going to face Luke day in day out when he brought his daughter here she thought? Why couldn't she ride the bus that some of the other children did?

And how was she going to teach Luke's little girl, the beautiful child that he had fathered with another woman?

She was going to do it, she thought making a face at herself in the mirror. And she was going to do it so well that that pretty little girl had no idea that Sierra would have any reason to feel any differently about her than any of the other bright lively children that she enjoyed teaching.

It wasn't the fault of Alexis that Sierra hadn't accepted Luke's proposal. And she couldn't exactly expect him to wait around for her forever could she Sierra thought?

That seemed highly unfair when she was now married and pregnant with another man's child herself.

You are pregnant with your husband's child she told herself, meeting the tense pair of green eyes that stared back at her from the mirror, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. You are going to go out there and treat Luke's daughter perfectly normally. She deserves it like any other innocent child.

But it hurt. She wondered why it had to hurt so much after all this time when she was married happily to a wonderful, though sometimes annoyingly anal man.

She took a deep breath as she exited the rest room, knowing that she had to do her job, to be the cheerful young teacher that the children were used to.

Chapter 18

Sierra let herself get lost in the joy of teaching young children. It was (almost) easy to ignore the fact that Luke's daughter was among them until she literally ran into him a week later as she rushed out the door. She was already almost late for her doctor's appointment. She was sure Paul was already waiting for her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, bending down to help her pick up the scattered contents of her purse. She'd been digging for her keys and not looking where she was going when he came upon her. "Sierra."

"Yes Luke?"

She sighed. She really didn't have time to get into all this now when her husband, whom she knew was probably already looking back and forth from his watch to the door, impatiently waiting for her to arrive at the doctor's office, was waiting for her.

"It's good to see you."

"Oh, yeah, you too."

She couldn't bring herself to look at him, as keys finally in hand she walked towards her car.

She could feel his eyes on her back as closed the short distance to the parking lot, and had to stop herself from turning to look at him.

How was he feeling about this whole crazy situation Sierra asked herself? Did he still feel a pang when he thought of her?

She wondered what his wife looked like, figuring she must be beautiful if their daughter looked anything like her.

She sighed again as she started her car, wanting a cigarette the way she hadn't wanted one since Paul had convinced her to quit. She wondered briefly if Luke still smoked.

Probably not she figured, at least not around his daughter.

Fatherhood seemed to agree with him. She wondered for a moment how Paul would react after their baby was born.

He had been extra attentive since they'd found out, driving her crazy when he wouldn't let her do things like carry groceries in from the car even if the bags weighed practically nothing, or stand too long at the sink to do the dishes.

She hated to think what he'd be like when she was further along. She figured he'd probably let her do virtually nothing for herself. Though she didn't figure him for a man that would be repulsed by a pregnant woman's body, she didn't figure him for a man that would be turned on as some men were. She thought that he'd probably be more concerned about what their sexual activity would do to the baby.

And that wasn't something that she looked forward to she mused as she pulled into the clinic. She was still a few minutes early for her appointment, but her suspicions that Paul had already arrived were confirmed when she noticed his car parked a few spaces down the parking lot. She figured Luke probably hadn't minded having sex with his wife when she was later into her pregnancy. She'd heard that women in their second or third trimester were known to be rather horny, and Luke had certainly never turned down sex with her when she'd offered.

Unlike Paul, she thought with a quiet sigh as she opened the door of the clinic, who still sometimes turned down her advances.

She knew he was a busy man, but it still bugged her that he turned her down when she obviously wanted sex, though luckily it wasn't something he did often.

She found herself looking into a worried pair of blue eyes, and then ended up in his arms. "Damn Sierra, you should have called if you were going to be late. I thought you'd been in an accident."

She gave him a quick kiss, glancing at the clock and seeing that she had made it with two minutes to spare for her one o'clock appointment.

"I'm on time. You shouldn't worry so damn much."

Paul gave her a look as if he had every right to be so worried about his wife and unborn child that it bordered on paranoid. "I'll let them know you're here."

She sat down in an uncomfortable chair, paging through a dated parenting magazine, until he returned to her side. Then she set aside the magazine. He took her hand.

"I'm concerned for your safety, especially with all the crazy drivers out there. Since we found out you were pregnant, I've been thinking that it had to be too good to be true. I've got a beautiful, smart wife, a great job. Now with a baby on the way, I'm just. . . You've made me so happy Sierra. I'm afraid to lose you, especially while you're carrying our child."

"You're not going to lose me Paul."

She was glad when the nurse called her name to go back to see the doctor as the moment was beginning to stretch on a little long. It made her a little uncomfortable, as they sat in the doctor's office, her husband clutching her hand as if she was going to slip away any minute, looking at her earnestly with his baby blue eyes.

Everything was fine with the baby. As they walked together towards their separate cars, Paul took her hand. "Go home and get some rest."

"You heard the doctor say that at this point at least it's better if I continue my normal activities. If I slow down too much, labor is going to be hell."

"I know." He leaned over to give her a kiss as she unlocked her car. "Just don't do too much. I wouldn't want you to strain yourself."

"I hardly think that vacuuming the living room is going to hurt our child Paul," she said with a curt laugh.

He narrowed his eyes. "Make sure that you make time for a short nap at least. Don't worry about dinner. I'll throw something together when I get home."

She nodded at him. Although her cooking skills had improved somewhat, she still wasn't the whiz in the kitchen that he was. Most of the nights she was supposed to cook they ended up eating something that came out of a box, or the sandwiches and takeout that had been her specialty when they'd been in school.

"I love you Mrs. Brooks."

"I love you Mr. Brooks."

She gave him a little wave as he went to his car, to return to work.

When had she let herself get so positively domestic, she thought as she pulled out of the lot headed towards home?

She didn't mind being married, didn't really mind being pregnant, though she was not in love with the whole morning sickness deal. The very idea of the expansion of her almost flat belly to accommodate the child growing in her womb was certainly not something she was looking forward to either.

It was not much different from sharing an apartment with him in college. She'd woken up with him in bed beside her for so long that she wouldn't know what to do had he not been there. But she disliked the idea of them turning into the old married couple that she'd felt slipping up on them even in their college days.

She did not want herself to turn into the harried housewife dragging fussy children with her to the grocery store, giving up her career to be nothing more than a stay at home mom. She didn't think badly of women who stayed at home to raise their children. She found it admirable that some women could take care of one or more small children day in and day out with sometimes seemingly little help from hard working spouses and not end up in a padded room. But it was not the life that she'd envisioned for herself. And that too, had caused an argument between her and Paul.

He'd wanted her to take a year off from work after she gave birth, giving that time exclusively to the raising of their child.

She'd adamantly told him that she wouldn't have a job to go back to if she took so much time off and had finally convinced him that the month before she was due and the roughly two months after birth that she'd allotted would be plenty of time for her to spend creating a bond with their child.

He'd also wanted her to breastfeed their child exclusively, an idea that she wasn't against, but she figured that it would be too complicated to nurse a child when she was back at work, having to go through the whole headache of pumping and storing breast milk.

They'd come to an uneasy agreement about that also. She'd agreed to breastfeed exclusively for the first month or so, slowly weaning the child off of the breast and to a bottle as it was time for her to return to work.

She wished that he would lighten up a little where her pregnancy and their child were concerned.

He had absolutely agonized over the choosing of a doctor to monitor her pregnancy and deliver their child. Choosing a daycare to care for their child when she returned to work was brutal.

He'd dragged her to three different day care centers, before he'd finally decided that the small facility that was run by an old grandmotherly woman and her sister out of an old beautifully restored Victorian house would serve well enough to take care of their child. He'd put down quite a hefty deposit, as the women were only allowed to take care of so many children at a time. Their services were well known, coveted almost.

She rolled her eyes when she thought of what Paul would think if he knew that the woman and her "sister" were a lesbian couple.

He wasn't bigoted or homophobic, just old fashioned, and wanted only the best for their child. She was unsure that being cared for by lesbians would fit into his ideas of their child's idyllic childhood. When she'd told Verna Johnson about the women that would care for their child and had been told that the women were lovers, she'd decided to keep that bit of info to herself.

Chapter 19

Sierra's morning sickness eased as the days passed. She found that she enjoyed teaching Alexis, who was a bright and imaginative little girl. She was obviously proud of her dad the song writer and her mom who Sierra learned ran a book store virtually by herself.

Her pregnancy progressed smoothly until she went in for her six-month appointment. The doctor seemed a little worried, telling Sierra that she should be gaining more weight and that her iron was still low, though she was taking her prenatal vitamins religiously.

Paul threw a fit, thinking that their child was in imminent danger. He told Sierra in no uncertain terms that she needed to quit working immediately for the sake of their child. She refused, knowing that she would be putting her job in jeopardy if she quit working now when she'd started less than a year ago. There would be almost no way for them to hold her job for her for six months instead of the three that she'd planned to take for maternity leave.

He told her that her job mattered little when it came to the health of their child. That they would make it fine on his salary alone, even with the rent payments on their two-bedroom house when they were trying to save for a down payment for a house of their own, the payments on his car, the things they still needed to buy for the baby, etc.

She brought up the idea of babysitting in their home for extra money but he'd refused that, too, saying that she didn't need to be chasing screaming children around in her condition.

She'd wanted to cry when she gave her notice at the school, and Verna had seemed so sympathetic that she almost had.

She'd been told that while they couldn't hold the job for her indefinitely, they had interviewed a woman that had been willing to take on the job for a few months. She was coming out of retirement to do so. Sierra brightened a little at the idea of a better chance of a job to go back to.

But her spirits were still low as the days went on, having little or nothing to do at home. Paul had hired a maid to come in twice as week so she wouldn't have to "strain herself" taking care of things like the laundry and simple upkeep of the house.

She figured that with her virtual bed rest labor was going to be excruciating but at least Paul seemed satisfied when the doctor told them that her weight looked better and her iron was back to where it should be with the added vitamins he'd given her.

She was lying on their bed reading a romance novel one afternoon when the phone rang. She figured that she had to get her sex fix somewhere as Paul had refused to make love to her for the past month.

"Hello." She didn't bother to look at the caller id, thinking it was Paul checking up on her again.

"Sierra?"

"Yeah." She sat up in bed, feeling her heart start to pound. It was Luke.

"It's Luke. I was worried about you. Alexis said that you hadn't been at school for a while. I hope everything's okay."

"I had a little problem with the pregnancy. The doctor thought that I should be gaining more weight and my iron was a little low, but Paul freaked out and made me quit working all together."

It felt strange discussing this with him on the phone, as if they were friends instead of ex-lovers.

"I see. I've kinda wanted to talk to you for a while now. If you're not busy tomorrow I thought we could meet so we could talk things out."

Her heart started beating triple time.

What could he want to talk to her about she thought? Could she go, should she go?

It would be so good to see him, especially without the almost chaotic atmosphere of the school between them. But wouldn't it be wrong to meet someone that she still wondered if she had feelings for, behind her husband's back? There was no way she could tell Paul about such a meeting. He would probably pull up stakes right then and there and drive out of town in a u haul the very next day.

"I um, I guess."

She licked lips that had gone dry, wondering where their meeting would take place.

Some sleazy motel? No she thought. Luke had more class than that. And he didn't want to meet her for sex. Or did he?

She felt a blush rise to her cheeks at the thought. Sex had been in the forefront of her mind so much lately. With Paul's insistence that they shouldn't make love because it might somehow in some unfathomable (to Sierra at least) way hurt their child, she was feeling rather sexually deprived.

"Okay, good. I gotta drop Alexis off at school, but can you meet me around ten?"

"Okay."

Oh what was she doing Sierra wondered? She couldn't do this, shouldn't do this.

She didn't know exactly what was on Luke's mind, but she knew what was creeping uncomfortably into hers and it had nothing to do with conversation.

He rattled off an address then. She scrawled it onto the pad beside the phone with a shaky hand.

"I'll see you then. Bye Sierra."

"Bye Luke." She replaced the phone and sat back staring at the ceiling.

She quickly deleted the number from the caller id, feeling more than a little guilty. She tore the paper on which she'd written the address and several below it as well off the pad and stuffed them into her purse.

She and Paul shared a quiet dinner that night. As they retired to bed, she tried again unsuccessfully to convince Paul to make love to her. She told him that he was putting her under unneeded stress by leaving a perfectly natural desire unsatisfied.

He'd glared at her before reaching over to turn off the light. She felt as if he was calling her a terrible mother already, as she was thinking of her own needs before the needs of their child.

She rolled over as far to her side of the bed as possible. She felt like an empty vessel that was only needed to house the child for nine months that she sometimes felt that her husband loved more than her.

When Sierra awoke the next morning, after tossing and turning for hours before falling into an uneasy sleep around four a.m., he'd already left for work.

There was a note on the table beside the bed, telling her again to take it easy and to call him if she needed anything. More like if the baby needed anything, she thought with a groan as she swung her feet over the side of the bed.

She needed her husband to be something more than a father to their unborn child. She needed to know that he still loved her. That she meant more to him than simply as a mother for his child. That she mattered, too.

She glanced at the clock, and seeing that it was a little after nine a.m., she decided she had time for a quick shower and breakfast before she met Luke.

She agonized over what to wear, finally deciding on a light blue empire waist maternity dress, deciding to leave her hair down.

She made herself a bowl of cereal, and ate it at the kitchen table. She was out the door and in her car a few minutes before ten.

She pulled up in front of a small, single story home a few minutes later, noticing with more than a little relief that Luke's car was parked in the driveway.

She got out of her car, and slowly walked up the drive. She had raised her hand to knock when he opened the door, gently taking her hand and pulling her into the house with him.

She sat down uneasily on the couch, glancing around her curiously, wondering whose house they were in.

"It's my house," he said, as if reading her mind. "I moved in with Kimber when we got married. She had a bigger house. I tried to sell this one at first but found little interest, so I rent it out when I can. It happens to be empty now so. . ."

"Oh, okay."

They sat uncomfortably for a few minutes, until Luke broke the silence by saying "So you're probably wondering why I called you here."

She wanted to laugh. She felt like she was back in high school, being summoned to the principal's office for an unknown reason.

"It was a shock to see you at first and I . . ."

She noticed he was twirling the wedding band on his finger. She glanced uncomfortably at her left hand, to the ring finger where her wedding set had started to grow tight as her fingers swelled with the pregnancy, wishing that she'd left the rings on the night stand at home.

"It felt like there were things left unsaid when we split up. I sort of wanted to clear the air. So we could you know, get on with our lives."

To Sierra, it seemed a strange thing for him to say. They obviously had moved on with their lives, both married to other people and he with a child and she with one on the way.

She looked at him, at the face that she remembered so well, the face of the first man she had woken up in bed with. She wanted so badly to touch him that she had to force her hand back into her lap before she gave up and reached for him.

"Luke." She didn't look at him, not sure if she was ready to hear the answer to the question she was going to ask. "Do you still think of me? Wonder what it would have been like if we'd stayed together? If I'd let you give me what I asked you for?"

She could see the answer in his eyes. She wanted to cry. Wanted to turn back time and accept his ring. Wanted it so badly she could taste it, could taste him, almost as if they'd never been apart.

"I wanted to call you so badly. Thinking that you'd change your mind, thinking that you had to. I couldn't stand the thought of what my life would be like if you didn't. But I never did, thinking that I needed to give you space. Finally it got to the point that I couldn't face the thought of living in the place where I'd first made love to you without you and I had to go."

"I wish you'd called."

"Would you have told me that you wanted me back Sierra?"

"Hell, I don't know. I think so but I . . . That's what sucks the most, the not knowing. When I came home for Christmas and I saw that you'd gone I told myself that I couldn't think of you. That it was over and I had to move on. I met Paul and I love him. I find myself comparing him to you sometimes though. I know it's wrong, but oh Luke, I can't stop."

He took her into his arms. It felt so good, felt so right. She felt at home in his arms after all this time, even with the knowledge of their respective spouses hanging between them.

"I'm sorry that I screwed everything up so badly Luke."

"I was asking for something that you weren't ready to give. I had no right to do that."

"But I . . . You tried to give me what I wanted and I still turned you down. How could I have been so stupid?"

"It's okay baby."

"But it's not Luke. We'll never know now what we could have had."

He took her hand, holding it in his lap.

She wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to make love to her so badly that she could almost feel him inside her. Wanted to hear him tell her that he loved her, that he would always love her.

And it was so wrong. She wasn't sure Paul would ever forgive her betrayal, but once the words were out of her mouth she couldn't take them back, nor did she want to.

"I know it's wrong to want this, but would you make love to me Luke? Please."

"Oh Sierra." He buried his face in her hair.

She thought for a moment that he was going to refuse her. His refusal would have been too much for her.

Finally, he looked at her, and it was almost like they were together for the first time again, because he said "Are you sure you want this Sierra?"

"Oh Luke, yes. You can't know how badly I want this."

He gave her a cocky grin, trying to lighten the moment, trying to pretend that they weren't married to other people. That there would be a way to go back once they'd taken the step to cement the affair. "Yeah. I think maybe I do. Just a little."

It was so good to be teasing about sex. So good to know again that she was wanted, that she started to reach for him then.

He shook his head, and she noticed for the first time that there were no curtains on the windows in the living room. That anyone who happened to look in would be able to see them.

He took her hand, leading her to a bedroom that was empty save for a bed without sheets.

"Sorry," he said.

"I'd make love to you on the floor right now."

Her hands shook as she reached to unbutton his jeans.

She'd already kicked her sandals off. He was out of his shoes by the time she'd reached around to undo her bra.

She slipped her panties off, pulling her dress quickly over her head.

She stood before him for an uncomfortable moment, looking at his body, lean and sleek, thinking that he looked the same if not better than he had the last time she'd seen him naked.

She glanced from his well-toned abs to her belly that was still growing to accommodate the child within and wanted to cry.

He noticed the direction of her eyes, and he crossed the short distance between them, putting his arms around her and whispering in her ear. "You're beautiful Sierra. Being pregnant is nothing to be embarrassed about. Oh baby I almost wish. . ."

He didn't need to tell her what he was about to say, but still she stepped back from him, suddenly uncertain.

"Paul doesn't think I'm beautiful. He won't touch me he's so afraid he'll hurt the baby. I'm not that fragile, damn it."

"Shh baby." He took her hand and led her to the bed. "Paul is an idiot. Sex is perfectly safe, even if you've been having a little trouble here and there."

"I know. I asked the doctor and he said it was okay. But Paul still won't. . ."

He kissed her, running his hands lightly over her sensitive breasts. Sierra moaned. She wanted him inside of her so badly that she could no longer stand it.

"You have to get a little inventive sometimes. I promise I'll be gentle. Here sweetheart, lay on your side. Would it feel better if you faced towards me or away from me?"

She looked up at him. "I don't know. I think anything would feel so good right now."

He chuckled. "We'll try from behind. If it doesn't feel as good as you think it should, let me know and we'll try something else okay?"

"Mmm. Thank you. Luke. . ."

"Shh baby. It's okay. I want this as badly as you do. You are so beautiful I can hardly stand it."

Luke positioned himself behind her and entered her slowly. They both let out a quiet moan. She turned her head to give him access to her mouth. It reminded her of the night that she'd teased Paul about knowing how to fuck, but thoughts of Paul were soon gone from her mind.

It felt incredible, but Sierra felt as if she wasn't feeling the full depth of Luke's manhood. She whispered into his ear what she was too embarrassed to say aloud. He gave her a quick kiss and then moved to her other side. He tipped her head so that she'd look in his eyes, and kept his eyes locked on hers as he reentered her.

He closed his eyes briefly and then opened them. "Is that better darlin'?"

She swallowed hard. "Oh yes. Much better. Not that it didn't feel good the first time. But. . ."

He smiled. "I know baby. Believe me, I know."

There were no more words as he started to move. She let her eyes drift closed briefly it felt so good, but she opened them again and looked up at him. He took her hand and twined their fingers together. She moved her hips to meet his thrusts and when it still wasn't enough, when she still couldn't get enough of the feeling of having him inside of her again, she brought her leg up over his. Their upper bodies weren't touching, but their lower bodies were locked together with no space between them.

She came quickly to orgasm and was almost disappointed. She didn't want the moment to end. He saw the disappointment that she tried to hide in her eyes and brought his other hand between her legs, stroking her womanhood lightly with his fingers. She gave him a grateful smile and then captured his mouth with hers. She almost bit his tongue the second time she orgasmed it was so intense, but managed to hold back.

He reached his own climax moments later and withdrew from her with a quiet sigh.

He reached out and gently stroked her hair.

She closed her eyes as he moved to run his fingers over her lips.

The moment was broken when they heard the chime of an alarm coming from the pocket of his jeans. "Shit," he said. "I didn't know it was that late. I set the alarm so that I'll realize it's time to pick up Alexis if I'm involved in my writing."

She sat up, reality setting back in as she reached for her clothes.

He was fully dressed by the time she'd slipped her feet into her sandals and gave her a quick kiss as he headed for the door.

"I probably shouldn't call you again. But do you want to meet here, say once or twice a week?"

She licked her dry lips, her heart beating fast as the thought of other such meetings. "Yes. That would be. . ."

She laughed then, she'd wanted to say nice, but it was hardly a "nice" thing they were doing.

He gave her a wink. "Yeah, so I'll see you. . . Does Wednesday sound okay?"

"Great."

And then he was gone, hurrying to his car to pick up his daughter.

She felt a stab of guilt at the thought of his little girl, his wife. Surely they didn't deserve this.

But it's not like she was planning to try to steal him away from his family. She wanted, well she just wanted him, and refused to let herself think about where all of this would lead, much like she had when they'd been together before.

She returned home, showered and threw her dress and under clothes into the washer. She thought she could smell the slightest scent of Luke's musky cologne on them. It was so different from the clean barely there scent that Paul favored.

She had pulled her clothes from the dryer and was hanging them in the closet when her cell phone rang.

She glanced at the caller id, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw it was Paul. She had been thinking for a moment that it was Luke calling to tell her that he'd changed his mind about seeing her again.

"Hello."

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"No Paul, you didn't."

"I wanted to remind you that I'm going out for drinks after work. Didn't want you to worry. I'll bring home something to eat so don't worry about dinner. What sounds good?"

"Whatever you want Paul."

She was annoyed with him for calling, though she had forgotten that he was going out after work.

"You okay Sierra? You're not having any problems with the baby are you?"

She bit back a nasty retort, instead saying "No Paul. I'm fine and the baby's fine, kicking the crap out of me like usual."

"Oh. Good. I'll pick up Chinese then. Unless you're in the mood for something else?"

She was a little tired of it, but she wanted to get him off of the phone, wondering with a stab when her husband had become such an annoyance to her.

"It's fine Paul. Go back to work."

"Okay. I'll see you about seven then. I love you Sierra."

"I love you too, Paul." She held back her sigh until she shut the phone.

She flopped back on to the bed, resting her hand on her stomach.

How was she going to face Paul when he came home she wondered? Would be able to tell that she'd been with another man?

Of course he wouldn't be able to tell, she thought with a groan. He was perfectly oblivious to her sexual needs as it was. She told herself that maybe she wouldn't have jumped into bed with Luke as soon as she'd been given the chance if only Paul cared more about what she wanted, what she needed, rather than thinking of nothing but their child.

But there was a little voice in the back of her mind telling her that she couldn't be certain that she wouldn't have ended up back in bed with Luke, even if Paul had been paying more attention to her.

"Screw it," she muttered aloud, meeting a defiant pair of green eyes in the mirror.

She would give up seducing her husband, at least until after the baby was born. And so what if her needs were being taken care of elsewhere? She was only human right? Yep, she thought to herself, human and pregnant.

She had to pee again. Her back was aching almost constantly now and she was so ready for it all to be over with.

She wanted to hold her son in arms, wanted her body to be her own again, and wanted her figure back.

And maybe Paul would chill out at least somewhat after their child was born. Or at least she hoped so. She couldn't take much more of his constant nagging to make sure she ate right and that she wasn't doing too much around the house.

He was like a mother. More of a mother than her mother had been, since her picky mother had never nagged at her to eat her vegetables, when she barely touched them herself. An occasional salad was enough for good old Mom.

She sighed again, figuring that it might be a good idea to get in touch with her mom again. She hadn't been good about keeping up with anyone lately.

She'd been too down to want to talk to anyone.

She figured that e-mail would be a safe form of communication and went to the dining room that since they never used it, had been converted into a computer room.

She logged onto the net, sending off e-mails to her mother and her grandmother. She was in a fairly good mood, chatting with Ashley through instant messaging when Paul walked in that evening, carrying with him the takeout bags that comprised their dinner.

"Hey." He came up behind her, dropping a quick kiss onto her head, then leaning down to lift her loose t-shirt and kiss her belly. "How are my two favorite people in the whole world?"

"We're good."

She told Ashley that she would talk to her later, and then turned off the computer, snapping her laptop closed.

Though she felt the guilt start to overwhelm her when she first looked into those familiar baby blue eyes, she took a deep breath to calm herself, as he helped her to her feet. The night was normal after that.

He laid his head in her lap while they watched TV on the couch and she stroked his hair. She felt a strange sense of comfort in the fact that she wouldn't have to try to talk him into sex that night as her hormones were quiet for the moment, having been satisfied by her encounter with Luke.

She was surprised when he reached for her that night in bed, though he held her gingerly, as if she and the baby she carried were so fragile that they might break into a thousand pieces if he held on too tight.

"I love you Paul."

"I love you too, Sierra."

It was almost easy for her to pretend that she hadn't cheated on him that very afternoon, hadn't started an affair that she had no real plans of stopping.

Chapter 20

Sierra met Luke twice a week at his house after that.

He'd replaced the curtains in the living room, and had bought pillows and soft flannel sheets for the bed.

They spent a good deal of their time together making love, though some was spent talking also. They reminisced about old times, people they'd known, laughing about the party that had brought them together.

When they were together, they could almost shut the outside world out. Though her pregnancy was more and more obvious as time went by and he always had to leave to pick up his daughter, they didn't discuss any plans for the future. Paul's name was never mentioned nor was Kimber's.

She was about a week before her due date when she met him on a Tuesday, having a doctor's appointment at their usual Wednesday meeting time. She'd been having contractions since early that morning. They weren't strong yet and they were still far apart so she figured she had plenty of time before she was in real labor, so she decided to keep her meeting with Luke and drove to his house as usual.

She had no contractions on the way there and didn't have another one until they were lying together on the bed, him wearing only jeans by that time and she clothed only in panties.

His head was between her breasts when she felt the contraction come on and she winced. They had grown stronger now.

He looked up at her, his eyes full of lust. "You okay baby?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

He took one look at her face and said "Sierra, you aren't in labor are you?"

She started to shrug her shoulders and then nodded. "Yeah, I think I am."

"Was that your first contraction?"

He looked worried now, pulling his t-shirt over his head and then reaching over to help her with the catch on her bra.

She pulled her t-shirt over her head, slipping her feet into her sandals. "No."

"Oh baby." He grabbed his keys off of the table. "Why didn't you tell me? We gotta, you gotta. . . Shit. Let me think."

"I wanted to see you one more time before the baby was born. It's probably gonna be a while before we can. . ." She wondered if they would meet again at all.

He kissed her quickly. "I can't take you to the hospital obviously. It wouldn't be a good thing for your husband to be trying to kick my ass when his kid's being born. And you can't drive yourself so we. . . Damn. Give me your keys. I'll take you home. You can call your old man once we get there."

"Okay." She let him help her to her feet.

She was finding it hard to think of anything at all at the moment, bracing herself for the next contraction. She was glad that he at least hadn't lost his head, as he deposited her into the passenger seat of her car, quickly going around to the drivers' seat.

She was sure he was speeding, but was glad when they pulled into her drive a few minutes later, luckily having met no cops on the way.

He stopped the car, and came around to help her up to the porch. "Babe?" He let her squeeze his hand as she felt another contraction come on.

"Yes Luke?"

"Should your car be in the garage?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Do you have an opener love?"

"No." She slumped down onto the porch steps, wondering how she was going to survive labor. "It's manual. You have to pull it up. Paul never got around to replacing the lock."

"Okay."

He moved to raise the garage door and quickly pulled her car into the garage.

"Okay, Si," he said when he'd returned to her. He took her keys and unlocked the door, leading her over to the couch. "I hate to leave you, but you'd better call your husband now, so he can get you to the hospital. Good luck baby." He gave her a quick kiss.

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too, Si," he said softly, his hand on the door knob.

He looked so sad, so lost at that moment that she felt tears cloud her vision. And then he was gone. She felt herself wondering if she'd ever see him again.

She wiped her eyes, grabbing her cell phone from her purse, and dialed Paul's cell with a shaky hand.

"Babe, is everything okay?"

She wanted to laugh at the wonders of caller id, but stopped herself. "I'm in labor Paul."

"Oh," he said, then as if she didn't already know "But that baby's not due for another week."

"Yeah, but babies have been known to ignore due dates at times Paul. I'm in labor. I promise you."

"Shit, let me tell my boss I gotta leave. Then I'll call the doctor; let him know we're on our way. Hold on baby, I'm on my way."

She wasn't sure if he was talking to her at that point or the actual baby, but she put it out of her head, closing her eyes as she lay back on the couch, awaiting her next contraction.

Paul arrived fifteen minutes later. She thought that he looked so out of breath, he could have run the whole way there.

"Let me get your bag and then we'll go. Isn't it exciting Sierra? We're gonna have a baby. I love you so much."

Then he was rushing up the stairs to retrieve the bag she'd packed from the closet. He helped her to her feet, pulling her into his arms briefly. "You've made me so happy Sierra. Now let's get you to the hospital so we can meet our son."

He looked so happy at that moment that she could only nod at him.

Her labor was relatively short, twelve hours total, and she was able to calm down once an epidural was administered.

She was so tired by that point that she was hardly able to keep her eyes open, but was still able to offer Paul a weak smile as pressed the baby into her arms.

They had decided to name him Nathaniel Joshua. Sierra couldn't help but think he was beautiful.

He had her darker blonde hair and Paul's blue eyes.

It was rather exhausting as the nurses helped her through the truly unique process of getting her child to accept her breast.

Paul never left her side. She thought that it hurt him almost as much as it hurt their son when they could hear him crying down the hall as his circumcision was performed.

They were released three days later. Sierra was glad that Paul was taking another week off of work to help out. She was so tired that she could hardly stand it.

Though he kept annoyingly close at all times, scrutinizing her as she changed diapers and bathed their son with a wash rag.

At least he changed diapers, though. He made sure that he was involved in everything as much as possible, though at the moment she was the only one able to feed their son as she had been feeling much too lazy to pump her breasts, figuring that Paul was getting plenty of bonding time in with their son.

Two days later, she had laid down with Nathaniel on the bed, propping his little body on a pillow as she nursed him, while Paul had run to the store for groceries. She had fallen asleep, when she awoke to Paul's angry voice.

"Sierra damn it, what the hell are you doing?"

She sat up, still half asleep, wondering what he could possibly be talking about.

The baby was sleeping peacefully on the bed. He still hadn't been letting her do anything around the house so she couldn't be behind on chores. And it wasn't as if the house was on fire.

"What?"

"The bassinet is there for a reason Sierra. I told you not to fall asleep with the baby in the bed. It's dangerous."

"Really Paul? He's fine. I've been so tired lately. I was having a nice nap when you so rudely interrupted."

He snorted, as if she was lying about her lack of sleep. "Don't let it happen again okay?"

She stuck her tongue out at his back as he turned to go down to put the groceries away, muttering under her breath "Uptight asshole."

When she tried to move Nathan to the bassinet, he woke up with a yelp, as is wondering why his mother had deigned to interrupt his nap.

She looked down into her husband's eyes looking out at her from her son's tiny face, and shrugged her shoulders at him, whispering "Sorry baby. Mama doesn't understand it either, but Daddy insisted."

She breathed a sigh of relief when Paul went back to work, beginning to wonder if their lives would ever go back to normal again.

If he would let her return to work when the time came or if she'd be stuck at home taking care of the child she adored more everyday but still couldn't see herself giving up her career for.

She felt that she shouldn't have to, was angry that she was starting to feel more and more that she'd never live up to Paul's lofty standards as a mother and a wife.

She could understand why he wouldn't make love to her at this point so soon after birth, but wondered whether their sex life would ever be the same.

She could easily imagine Paul wanting more children, though they hadn't yet discussed it. But she didn't want to have sex with her husband only to get pregnant. She wanted to have sex with her husband because she wanted to, because HE wanted to.

She was chatting with Ashley on the computer one afternoon when Nathan was about a month old, having found out that Ashley was pregnant and that her boyfriend was freaking out because they'd only been together three months, when there was a light knock at the door.

She glanced at her son sleeping peacefully in the bassinet, and then got up to go to the door, wondering who it was.

Paul's mother was supposed to be coming to town for a few days, but wasn't scheduled to arrive until this weekend. They were supposed to be going to visit her parents two weeks before she was going back to work, but other than a few neighbors and friends from work who'd stopped in at times, Sierra had few visitors.

Sierra peeked out the peep hole; her heart feeling like it was stuck in her throat when she saw it was Luke standing on the other side of the door.

She threw open the chain lock, glancing back only when she'd realized that the noise might startle her son, and seeing it hadn't, turned the dead bolt and stepped back to let Luke into the house.

He had a small box of chocolates in one hand and a gift bag in the other.

She wanted to throw herself into his arms, wanted for him to be coming to tell her that he was here to take her away from everything. From what was turning into a dissatisfied (at least on her part) marriage at best, or a downright unhappy one at worst.

"Hi."

"Hi." She felt like an idiot when there was so much more that she wanted to say to him.

"How have you been?"

"I've been. . ." She couldn't take it anymore and she crossed the floor, throwing her arms around him and kissing him with so much passion that she felt herself go weak in the knees when he responded in kind. "Oh Luke, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too Si but. . ."

"No buts today babe."

She moved her hand to the crotch of his jeans. As she rubbed him through the fabric, she could feel him grow hard.

She moaned as his hand moved to cup her breast, forgetting that she wasn't wearing a bra. It was something which for some reason drove Paul nuts, but bras drove her crazier at the moment. Her breasts were still full as she weaned her son, and she found them to be totally uncomfortable.

Luke didn't seem to mind though, as he took her hand and led her to the couch, where he stood for a moment, slipping off his shoes.

She slipped her shorts and panties off, leaving them to lie beside the couch.

He didn't bother to do anything more than pull his pants down part way before he was inside her. They were both too conscious of her sleeping son in the other room, knowing that he could wake up any minute.

He rode her hard and fast. She bit into the thin material at the shoulder of his t-shirt to keep from crying out as she orgasmed. Why couldn't Paul make her come like that she wondered for a moment? Then all thoughts were shut out of her head as she felt Luke's release inside her.

He kissed her as he moved to pull his pants up, then reached down to hand her her shorts.

She accepted them from him without a word, looking into his eyes and knowing that he hadn't come here to ask her to run away with him, probably hadn't been planning on fucking her on the couch that her husband had picked out.

"Luke. I'm sorry. If only I hadn't been so young and dumb."

"I know darlin', I know."

He pulled her into his arms. She felt her feet leave the floor he was holding her so tight.

"You came to say goodbye didn't you?"

"Yes baby, I did. You and I both know that we can't do this anymore, as good as it feels." He grinned, but it quickly faded. "We had something special Sierra, but we gave it up honey, both of us did. And we have to move on now for good. I still love you. Maybe I always will, but I've got a wife now and a little girl whom I love more than anything. I can't give that up."

She nodded, biting her lip. She wanted to tell him that she'd always love him too. That even if he wasn't willing to give up his family for her, she was willing to give hers up for him (or her husband at least). But she couldn't get the words out, and figured maybe they were better left unsaid.

He picked up the box of chocolates and the bag he'd abandoned earlier, handing them to her with a wry grin. "Kimber craved chocolate after she had Alexis so I thought maybe. . . And the outfit, I let Alexis pick out. She says all the kids at school miss their favorite teacher."

"I miss them, too. It sucks that I'll only have a month back before they're out for summer. I thought about working at a daycare, taking Nathan with me, but Paul put his foot down again." She glanced at her son, who was beginning to stir.

"I guess I'd better go. Goodbye Sierra."

He moved to her side, brushing the lightest of kisses across her cheek.

"Goodbye Luke."

She watched him walk out the door, get into his car and drive away.

Her legs were a little unsteady as she crossed to the bassinet, picking up her son who was now starting to cry, letting her know that he was hungry.

"It's okay, baby," Sierra said soothingly, though she wanted to cry herself at the moment.

Chapter 21

Life went on much as it had after that, though Paul calmed down some after his mother's visit when she chided him for hanging over Sierra's shoulder while she gave their son a bath.

They had both survived the visit to her mother's house and the time was growing closer for her to go back to work.

She had started to lay Nathan in the bassinet in their room Thursday night when he stopped her, putting a hand on her arm.

"He can sleep in the nursery tonight. We shouldn't be letting that expensive crib that my Mom bought go to waste. And besides, I want to make love to my wife."

He took their sleeping son gently from her arms.

She was still standing there beside the bed when he returned. "Sierra baby. What's wrong? Don't you want to make love?"

"It's not that Paul."

"Then what is it?" He took her face in his hands, giving her what started out as a gentle kiss but which soon turned hungry as she felt his tongue probing at her lips.

She was racked with guilt then, and as he started to undress her, she opened her mouth, wanting to tell him about Luke, about what she'd done.

But she shut her mouth quickly. It was what she'd wanted for so long. For her husband to make love to her, to want her as much as she'd always wanted him.

As she lay in his arms that night she knew what she had to do. As soon as Paul went to work the next morning, she was going to retrieve the engagement ring that Luke had given her from its hiding spot, shoved to the back of her underwear drawer, and she was going to get rid of it.

She wasn't sure how she'd hidden it from him this long, but it didn't matter anymore. Her husband had reached out to her tonight. She thought that with work and a little patience on her part, probably a lot of patience; she could make her marriage work.

Paul wasn't Luke. She had to stop thinking that there was any way that she could turn her uptight husband into anything close to resembling Luke's sex drive and awareness. But it was worth the effort to get her husband to loosen up at least a bit.

Now if he'd stop wanting her to be the little Miss Susie homemaker that they both knew she was never going to be, she thought with a yawn, they might be in business.

But she thought, as her eyes drifted closed, knowing that she needed to get some sleep before her son awoke wanting his nighttime feeding, tomorrow was another day, and she'd worry about everything then.

She found him at the kitchen table the next morning, trying unsuccessfully to give Nathan his bottle, while trying to knot the tie that hung around his neck at the same time.

He had the bottle propped underneath his chin; one arm looped behind the baby's head, Nathan on his knee, and looked rather comical.

"Here." She took Nathan from him and put him in the car seat that sat beside the table. "You can put him down for a minute you know." She tucked a rolled blanket against the baby's chest to hold the bottle for a minute. "I doubt he'll starve to death if you do. Let me do that."

She knotted the tie for him, stepping back to admire her work before she retrieved their son from the car seat, bringing him to her shoulder to burp him.

"How'd you know how to do that?"

She rubbed the baby's back and then patted it as he still hadn't burped. She shrugged, satisfied when Nathan finally let out a rather large belch. "I watched Timothy do it so many times that I kinda figured it out I guess. He was never one to wear a clip on. Why are you so dressed up?"

"The boss wants to talk to me. He likes the work I've been doing, so it might mean a raise. That would be nice wouldn't it?"

"Of course."

"I guess I'd better get going. I love you Sierra." He gave her a quick kiss before bending over slightly to nuzzle his son's nose with his own. "And I love you too, little guy."

"Good luck."

"Cross your fingers for me will you? Maybe we can finally find the money to get a house of our own."

She showed him her crossed fingers and he headed towards the door with a chuckle.

She got busy, doing the laundry that very much needed to be done, and had almost forgotten about her quest to get rid of the ring when she laid her son down for his nap, a little before noon.

She remembered though, when she was putting her clean clothes away and found herself reaching into the back of the drawer.

She pulled it out and sat on the bed looking at the box for a minute.

She'd never tried it on, never taken it out of the box; and felt herself slipping her wedding set from her finger, and setting them aside on the nightstand.

She took the ring out of the box, and slipped it on her finger, not surprised that it fit perfectly. She was almost in a world of her own then for a few minutes. She was still a little out of it when she started to reach for the box to put it away, planning to toss it over their back fence into the alley behind their house, not caring who found it, just that she'd be rid of it.

"Sierra." She looked up to see her husband standing before her, though she hadn't heard him come into the house, let alone into their bedroom.

She moved to hide the ring, but knew from the look on his face that he'd already seen it. She glanced uneasily at the rings he'd given her, thrown so carelessly onto the table. "What are you doing here Paul? You should be at work."

He laughed, though there was no humor in it. "Yeah, funny thing. They let me off early today. I not only got a substantial raise, they want to move me to another site. A newer branch of the company, where we would be closer to both of our families. So." It was like she could see storm clouds gathering in his eyes. Their blue seemed to darken like the sky before a storm was coming. "I came home to tell my wife, that's you by the way Sierra, in case you hadn't noticed, the good news. I wanted to go out to celebrate, and instead what do I find but that same wife sitting on our bed with a ring on her finger that looks suspiciously like an engagement ring, which is certainly not the one I gave her." He looked pointedly at her rings on the table. "Looking like she's lost in some kind of daydream. I think you owe me an explanation Sierra. And it had better be a good one. If it's not I'm going to walk right back out that door."

She told him the whole story of what she'd done with Luke and what he'd been to her. She tried to tell him that it was over and that she'd been planning to get rid of the ring. That she didn't know why she'd put it on. She was sobbing by the end.

She looked from him to their sleeping son. His face was blank as he stared at her. She didn't know which was worse, the fire in his eyes from before of the total lack of emotion he was giving her now.

"I'm so sorry Paul."

"Do you really think that it's enough Sierra? Did you really think that you could destroy our family and then tell me you're sorry and 'poof' everything would be all right again?"

"I didn't want to destroy our family Paul. You don't understand. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like Sierra? What exactly was it like while you were letting another man fuck you?"

"Paul I . . ."

"Did you really plan to end it? Or was I going to come home from work one day and find my wife and son gone, having taken off with another man?"

"I wouldn't do that."

"You expect me to believe you? You expect me to believe a damn thing you say from here on out? Where is he Sierra? Where is the man that you were so willing to spread your legs for even if it's destroyed everything I've worked so hard for? I think I'd like to meet him."

"No Paul, you can't do that. He's got a family of his own. A wife and a little girl."

A dangerous glint came into his eyes. "So you set out not only to destroy your own family but somebody else's too? What an ungrateful little bitch you are after all I've given you."

"What you've given me?" She snorted, feeling herself start to get angry, too. "The only thing you've ever given me that's worth a damn thing is our child. Other than that, you've been trying your best to take everything away from me, so that I'd fit your image of what a wife and mother should be like. It never mattered what I wanted Paul."

"Of course it did."

"Who the hell are you kidding? You made me quit working. You practically forced me to marry you. And now you're pissed because you found out I'm nothing like you wanted me to be. Wake up Paul. I want to work, I can't cook worth a shit, and I happen to like sex."

"Forced you to marry me. Hell, I knew you couldn't cook as soon as you moved in with me and it never bothered me. This isn't about cooking Sierra. It isn't about whatever bullshit excuses you're trying to come up with to justify your affair. It's about one thing, plain and simple. You had sex with someone else."

"Did you ever think that maybe just maybe I wouldn't have screwed around if you'd been more willing to take care of my needs at home? We haven't had sex in almost five months Paul. Five fucking months. What kind of man wants to go without sex for that long?"

"I was thinking of our unborn child. Unlike you obviously."

"Yep, right after the doctor said that normal sexual activity was perfectly safe. He's a doctor Paul. I think that he might know what he's talking about."

"We had sex last night."

"Wow. Give the man a gold star. He screwed his wife once in five months. No, I take that back. You never just screw do you Paul? It might make you feel dirty. You only 'make love'. You must be the only man on the whole planet that can still get it up that doesn't want to fuck every now and then."

"Oh please Sierra."

"Please what Paul? You never wanted to listen to me when I was begging you for sex. Do you have any idea how worthless that made me feel? That my own husband, a man I've been with for almost five years, didn't want to have sex with me? I felt unattractive enough being pregnant and you only made it worse."

"You've got it all wrong Sierra. But." He shook his head at her. "All of that is again beside the point. We're not talking about me-we're talking about you. You're the one who cheated and now I'm the one who's got to deal with it."

He took a suitcase from the shelf in the closet, opening the drawers and throwing clothes in, and then moved to the closet, throwing work clothes in on top.

He returned from the bathroom with his electric razor, shaving cream, cologne, his hairbrush and his tooth brush. "I'm leaving Sierra. I don't know when I'll be coming home. Don't know if I will be really. Thank you for turning what should have been a great day into one of the worst in my whole life. Take care of our son. Do whatever the hell you want about your job. If you need help with Nathan I'm sure you can find someone willing to help, since you decided that I didn't deserve the chance to be his father."

She stood at the top of the stairs and watched him walk out the door, struggling with the suitcase.

She heard his car roar out of the drive a moment later; thinking briefly that Paul never drove fast. Today seemed to be one of those kind of days, she mused as she went back to the bedroom. She was surprised that Nathan was still sleeping, the ghost of a smile on his face, oblivious to the fact that his father had stormed out of the house.

"What the hell am I going to do now?" She sighed. "First thing's first. I'm gonna have a fucking cigarette."

She stood on the step stool in the closet, and reached up for the old purse which she knew had an almost full pack tucked into the inside pocket.

Paul had watched her smoke the last cigarette out of the pack that he knew she'd bought the day before, but he hadn't searched for any other packs that she had tucked away. And for that she was glad; figuring that a stale almost three-year-old cigarette at this point was better than none at all.

She pulled the purse out. She could feel the form of the pack as she opened it. When she found a lighter that worked along with them, it was all the better.

She glanced at her still sleeping son, figuring that she should have a few minutes at least before he woke up and went into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind her.

She stood on the edge of the tub, flipping the latch on the small sliding window and opening it all the way. The small fan was running, but she stood in the tub as she smoked, blowing the smoke out the window so that none could escape into the room where her son was. She finished her cigarette, and had thrown it into the toilet when she heard her son start to cry. She released the handle, saying "Mama's comin' baby. Mama's comin'."

Chapter 22

Kimber

It was a few minutes before five when he walked into the store.

Kimber supposed he was handsome, though he looked haggard. His tie was crooked and his dark slacks were wrinkled. The blue eyes behind his stylish wire rimmed glasses looked puffy, as if he'd been crying.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah. Shit, I have no idea how to say this."

She was worried for a minute that he was a detective coming to tell her that something had happened to Luke or Alexis, but quickly dismissed the idea. He looked too soft to be a cop. And he would have to be a pretty bad one at that she thought, if he'd been the one crying when he came to give her bad news.

"Okay." She gave him a puzzled look.

"Are you Lucas Stone's wife?"

"Yeah, I am. Why?"

"I think your husband's been screwing my wife." He slumped down onto a chair.

"What? Luke? No, you've got to be mistaken."

He shook his head. "Nope. I was driving aimlessly for a while, trying to clear my head. Then I saw your sign. I saw you through the window and I knew you had to be the one. You're pretty and blonde. Your husband's Luke. You own this store right? You have a little girl? Yeah, so, you gotta be the one."

"But I, I don't understand." She poured him a cup of coffee from the mostly empty pot, and had the presence of mind to move to the door, changing the sign from open to 'closed'.

"Ah." He shrugged. "I don't much understand myself either, but I guess we're not supposed to be the ones that understand. Being the ones that were cheated on instead of the cheaters."

She had so many questions to ask him but she didn't know where to start. "So how did you find out?"

He looked down into the coffee cup as if it would give him the answer to the age old question of why people cheat. "I got off of work early today. I go home to find my wife sitting on our bed, with our baby son sleeping in his bassinet next to her. It was like she was in a goddamn trance. Then I take a good look at her and I see she's wearing this ring that I've never seen before. It looks way too much like an engagement ring to be anything but. I try to stay calm, thinking that maybe there's a reasonable explanation. But then there she goes blurting out this whole sob story of how she and your husband were so in love and she turned down his proposal. Broken hearts blah blah blah. But anyway, she happened to run into your husband when he was taking your daughter to school. And wham bam thank you ma'am before you know it, they're hopping back into bed together. While she's pregnant with my child."

"Oh." Kimber sat down on the stool behind the counter.

It was all too much to take in at once she thought.

Luke rarely talked about his ex-girlfriends, let alone someone he'd asked to marry him. It all seemed too crazy to be true. But it had to be. The man sitting before her knew too much about their lives for him to be wrong.

"Is it over?"

"She claims it is. Claims that she was going to get rid of the ring today. That that's why she took out in the first place. But if you could have seen the look on her face. . . Ah hell, I don't know."

He rubbed his hands over his face, resting his joined hands on his forehead and closing his eyes for a minute.

"How old is your baby?"

She was glad that Alexis was older. That she might have some kind of a chance of understanding when Mom came home and told Dad to get the fuck out of the house. But no, she wouldn't do that; she thought. She'd wait until their daughter was in bed before she confronted him.

"He's not quite two months old."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, so am I. Sorry for springing this on you, but I thought you should know." He stood, as if to leave, and then leaned over the counter towards her. At first she thought he was going to kiss her, but he pulled back. "Shit. I wanted to kiss you. Wanted that bitch to know what it felt like. But I couldn't even do that. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm not a real man."

"It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine either. How could we have known about something that went on with the people we married before we'd met them? Since they chose not to tell us?"

"I guess you're right." He took her hand and gave it a dry kiss. "I'm Paul by the way."

"Kimber."

"You have a nice night Kimber. Or as nice as you can have when you found out that your husband's been cheating on you."

"Yeah. Uh, you too."

He gave her a tired smile as he walked out the door.

She stood looking out onto the street for a moment, watching him get into a four door car that could be described as nothing but a family car and drive away.

Her cell phone rang as she was doing her usual night time walk through. She gave a distracted "Hello," as she re-shelved several books in the children's section that had been left on the floor.

"Kimber, is everything okay? You're late for dinner and the little princess is whining that she's starving to death."

"Go ahead and feed her. I got tied up at the store. It's a real mess tonight and I'm still going to be few minutes."

"Okay. But don't be too long. You know that Mommy has to be the one to read her her bedtime story."

"I know."

"I love you Kimber."

"Yeah. Bye Luke."

She snapped her phone shut with a sigh. The store really was a mess tonight, and she still had a shipment of books that needed to be shelved. They could wait until tomorrow, she decided as she straightened the shelves. She needed to get home and figure out how she was going to deal with her cheating husband.

She forced a smile to her face as she entered the house. Alexis was on her instantly, wrapping herself around Kimber's legs.

"Mommy."

"Baby girl." Kimber picked her up and gave her a quick hug and kiss before she put her back down.

"I'm not a baby Mommy."

"But you're Mommy's baby aren't you?"

"I guess. Daddy made me eat my vegetables. They were ucky."

Luke laughed. "They're good for you kiddo. They'll make you grow up big and strong."

"Why would I want to be strong Daddy? I'm not a boy."

"Girls can be strong, too. Your mommy's pretty strong from lifting books all day."

"Yeah." Alexis squinted her eyes as if she was considering the idea. "I guess. Is it story time Mommy?"

"You can watch TV with Daddy while you let Mommy eat her dinner in peace. Then it's bath time. Then Mommy will read the princess her story."

"I don't wanna be a princess. They're boring. I wanna be a rock star. You can write songs for me. But hopefully I'll be able to sing better than you huh Dad. I wouldn't make a very good rock star if I couldn't."

Kimber had to laugh as she crossed to the kitchen. Alexis never ceased to amaze her with the ideas she came up with.

Their daughter was such a joy to be around. She was so smart and so curious. When she looked at her, Kimber saw all the good things from her and all the good things from Luke all tied together into the beautiful package that was their daughter.

She envied Luke sometimes, being able to spend more time with her. She figured that she should probably hire some help at the store before too much of her daughter's life slipped away from her.

As she ate the dinner that he'd left for her in the microwave, she decided that she agreed with her daughter. The vegetables were pretty gross.

She watched her husband in the other room, his arm around Alexis as he explained something to her that had happened on TV. It was such a beautiful thing, such a normal thing in their household that she almost couldn't bear the thought of separating Alexis from her father.

But, thinking that he hadn't bothered to tell her about his affair, that she'd had to find out from a stranger who happened to be the husband of the woman he'd been sleeping with made her pause, made her wonder if he would have bothered to tell her at all.

And was it really over she thought? Now that Paul was out of the house, Luke would certainly have easy access to her, all day while Alexis was at school.

She'd deal with all that later she thought as she took her daughter's hand, leading her up the stairs to get her ready for her bath.

Alexis kept up a steady stream of chatter the whole time, telling her mother about what she'd learned that day at school, and what she had done with Daddy while Mommy was at work.

As she helped her daughter into her pajamas, Alexis looked up at her, a questioning look in her eyes. "Are you sad Mommy?"

"No baby. Mommy's just tired."

"Okay." Seemingly satisfied with her mother's explanation, she went over to the small plastic book shelf in the corner of her room, selecting a book.

They finished the book. The child's eyes had already started to droop when Kimber kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Guess she was tired." Luke appeared behind her in the doorway. "They had a big day at school. They're planning some kind of a party to welcome their teacher Si. . . Mrs. Brooks back from maternity leave."

She nodded at him. It came to mind that he had been fucking their daughter's teacher, not someone he had run into at the school.

"Do you have cigarettes stashed somewhere?"

Looking a little guilty since he'd quit when Alexis was born he said "Yeah. Why?"

"Bring them and meet me outside on the porch."

"Okay."

She was sitting on the porch wrapped in the blanket from the couch when he came out a few minutes later.

"Give me one of those." She indicated the cigarettes in his hand. "You might as well have one too. You're going to need one before I'm done with you."

She shook a cigarette out of the pack, lighting it with a hand that was steadier than she figured it would be, all things considered.

A look of alarm had crossed Luke's face at her words. She wondered for a moment if he knew that she knew he'd been cheating.

She let him wonder for a moment, taking a deep drag off of the cigarette and blowing it out at the moonlit sky.

As if resigned, he sat down on the step below her, lighting a cigarette and looking out at the street.

"Our daughter's teacher Luke," she said finally, throwing the cigarette onto the asphalt of their driveway.

"It's not like that Kimber. You don't understand."

"Oh, I understand Luke. I understand that her husband came into the store today right before closing time, looking like he'd been crying. He weaved for me this twisted tale of how you'd proposed to her years ago and she'd turned you down. Is that all I've ever been for you Luke? Second best? You couldn't have the one you wanted, so you had to settle for good old oblivious Kimber. Who never would have suspected you were cheating, if it hadn't hit her in the goddamn face."

"Kimber, I'm sorry."

"Sorry Luke? Words are pretty damn cheap. Don't they always say that actions speak louder than words? The actions you took, screwing another woman while she was pregnant for goodness sake, those are speaking pretty loudly right now. Telling me that our whole life together has been a sham."

"I love you Kimber. I was a little in love with you before I had the courage to ask you out."

"And shit, how dumb was I? Practically throwing myself at you on our second date. I feel so cheap."

"You're not cheap, Kimber. You're anything but."

She continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "I was thinking that maybe it was time to have another baby. You're such a good father, and Alexis absolutely adores you so I thought, why not have another one? I am such a fucking idiot."

"Kimber."

"Stop it Luke. Just shut up. I don't want to hear your voice right now. I don't want you anywhere near me. I want you to go Luke. I want you to leave now."

"Alexis. . ."

"Alexis will be fine. I'll tell her that Daddy's gone on a trip. I'll ask Mrs. Petrie to watch her until I can find a more permanent day care for her. If it comes down to it and I decide that I don't want you to come back at all, I will find some explanation for her. Something other than that Daddy was carrying on with her teacher. I guess I'll have to find a different school for her now then, won't I?"

"No Kimber. You don't need to do that. Sierra really is a great teacher and Alexis is comfortable there. She already has friends there."

"How dare you defend her? Get your things and then go."

She had to stop herself from turning to watch him as he went into the house, instead reaching for another cigarette, though the first one had left her a little light headed.

He passed by her several minutes later, carrying a duffel bag and the case that housed his laptop.

She stood up as he popped the trunk of his car, intending to go back in the house.

"If you go to her Luke, don't bother coming back."

She opened and then shut and locked the door behind her.

She noticed that he'd left his house key on the table, and slipped it wearily into her pocket as she headed to the stairs.

Chapter 23

Six weeks later

Kimber

Kimber looked at the pregnancy test that lay discarded in the trash can, wondering if it was a blessing or a curse that she'd ended up pregnant so soon after she'd decided to let Luke come home.

She was mentally counting the days in her head, wondering if it could be possible. She was racking her brain for the date of her last period, when she heard the door open downstairs, and the cheerful sound of her daughter's laughter as they moved into the kitchen to deposit the takeout that they'd gone out to get onto the table.

Alexis was overjoyed that Daddy was back home and had been telling him over and over again that he couldn't go away for such a long trip without taking her with him.

She'd waited four weeks before she'd called him. It was only after she'd learned that Sierra and Paul were leaving town that she'd finally made up her mind to let Luke come home.

She knew that the time hadn't been easy for her daughter. It hadn't been easy for her either, but she'd made sure she quizzed Luke extensively before agreeing to let him come home. Making sure that there were no other lost loves or almost fiancés hiding in his past. It had almost been easy to pretend it had never happened, that they were still the happy family that they always were.

She still found it hard to trust him at times though, even with Sierra gone. She found herself watching him when they went out together, checking to make sure that he wasn't checking out other women, or checking out other women too closely at least. She couldn't expect him to close his eyes completely to the sight of other women.

But she found him to be as devoted to her as he'd ever been and it was easy to fall back into their routines.

They'd started making love again the past week and though their love making wasn't quite what it had been, she was sure that it too, would be back to normal soon.

She took a deep breath as she went down the stairs.

"Mommy, we got you that yucky egg soup that you like," Alexis said cheerfully as she entered the kitchen.

"Why, thank you sweetie." Kimber reached down to tickle her daughter on the way by.

Alexis giggled. Kimber thought for a moment of springing her news at dinner but decided to wait until their little girl had gone to bed, telling Luke then, and telling Alexis in the morning.

"Luke." She noticed that he was wearing his glasses again. "What happened to your contacts this time?"

"Nothing." He swallowed a mouth full of Chinese food. "My allergies are acting up again."

"It's not polite to talk with your mouth full Daddy."

Kimber laughed. "She's right you know." She gave him a mock frown.

They spent the rest of the evening watching a cartoon on TV that they both knew Alexis had seen several times before, but as this was her allotted TV time for the day, neither protested.

After the usual bath and story time, she kissed Alexis good night, and retired to the bedroom, to find Luke in bed reading a book.

"Luke."

She shed her jeans and long sleeved shirt, and put on the roomy t-shirt that she slept in that she'd inherited from Luke.

"Yes dear?" He didn't turn his eyes away from his book.

"I'm pregnant."

His book fell to the floor with a quiet thud. "Pregnant, really?"

"I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I missed my period and the test was positive so yeah, really."

"That's great." He pulled her to him for a kiss. She could see he really meant it. "Wow. Another baby. How do you think Alexis will react?"

"Pretty well I expect. A lot of her friends from school have baby brothers or sisters. That little girl she always seems to meet up with at the park has a baby brother who she usually fusses over for a minute or two before going off to play, so I think she'll do okay."

"This is wonderful news Kimber." He looked at her then, and she could feel his eyes probing hers. "Aren't you happy baby?"

"Of course I am."

And she was. Though there was a nagging doubt at the back of her mind that she wouldn't let herself think about until she heard his even breathing beside her and knew he was asleep.

She turned away from him, still trying to figure out if it was possible. Still trying to convince herself that this child couldn't belong to anyone other than Luke.

But she couldn't do it. The reality set in as she lay there looking at the ceiling thinking about Paul; that she hadn't had a period since she'd been with him.

It had been a Thursday night. She was in the back room of the store, going through a shipment of books that needed to be put out, when she heard the door chime, signifying that someone had entered the store. She'd realized that, while she'd turned the sign over to closed, she hadn't locked the door.

"We're closed," she called out, hoping that it wasn't someone coming to rob her.

She had gotten up, to try to peek around the corner and see if she could see who it was, when he appeared before her. "Oh." She'd looked up at him, into a beautiful pair of blue eyes that were no longer hidden by glasses. "Hi Paul. You got contacts."

He looked good, so different than when she'd first met him. He was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was wet, as if he'd just taken a shower.

"I finally gave in to my wife's nagging and got them." He gave her an almost shy grin. "I wanted to stop by to tell you that Sierra and I are leaving town. So you won't have to worry about her and Luke, you know."

"It wasn't all her fault Paul."

She wasn't sure why she felt the sudden need to defend a woman she'd never met, a woman who had been sleeping with her husband.

"Yeah, I know." His grin faded slightly. "I really do love her. That's why I decided to go home. But I figured it would be best for all of us if we got the hell out of this town. Luckily it's been pretty easy since I got this new job. So . . ."

"So." She'd stood there uncomfortably, staring at him.

She wasn't sure who took the first step closer; her or Paul, but he was right next to her and she could feel his breath on her neck as he leaned to kiss her.

They'd made love on the couch in the back room of her store.

No, they hadn't made love really. They'd had sex. Hot, sweaty, mind blowing sex the likes of which she couldn't remember having had in a long time, though Luke was certainly no slouch in bed.

She'd felt bad afterwards, but it had felt really good too. Not only the physical act, though that had been so damn good that Kimber found herself having to suppress a shudder thinking about it. In a way it felt like they were getting back at Luke and Sierra, though it was not something she ever planned to reveal to Luke, especially since finding out she was pregnant. She assumed it was something that Paul had chosen not to share with Sierra either.

She had wondered afterwards why Sierra had needed to turn to Luke when her husband was such a good lover, but figured that maybe it was the whole wrongness of the thing that had made it so good.

She let out a quiet sigh as she turned back towards her husband.

If this was Paul's child, didn't Luke have a right to know she thought? Didn't Paul have a right to know?

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror then. Both her hair and her eyes were similar enough in color to Paul's that if the child did happen to be his and happened to be born with light blonde hair and blue eyes, the hair and eye color could reasonably be attributed to Kimber.

She had pretty much made up her mind to keep her mouth shut, but it was cemented when she walked down the hall to her daughter's room, cracking the door open a hair more, as it was always left slightly ajar at night.

She looked at her sleeping daughter in the faint light of the night light and knew she wasn't going to tell Luke that she'd slept with Paul.

What they had was too good to let go of for one good screw. While she felt a little hypocritical, okay she admitted to herself, maybe she was being very hypocritical. She thought as she slipped quietly back into bed beside her husband that there were some things that were better left unsaid.

Take a sneak peek at Better Left Unsaid, part two of the Twist of Fate series!

Better Left Unsaid

Misty Reigenborn

Copyright 2012 Misty Reigenborn

Kimber

Kimber met her blue eyes in the mirror. She fought tears and realized that she could no longer keep her secret from her husband. She loved Luke and didn't want to lose him, especially when she was pregnant and she had let him come home after his affair with his ex-girlfriend, but she knew that she had to tell him.

Kimber looked at her stomach and placed her hand protectively over it. Her stomach was still relatively flat since she was only four months into her pregnancy, but she could feel the life within her. The child that may or may not belong to her beloved husband.

When she had first found out about her pregnancy, she had thought that one night of passion was not worth screwing up her marriage, especially after she had forgiven him for his affair which had not just been one night. But she could hardly look Luke in the eye anymore and she was afraid that her stress was going to carry over to the child that she carried.

Luke was out. He had been writing songs with a frenzied passion since she had let him return home and had managed to run out of the only paper that he would write them on yet again. Their daughter Alexis was staying with a neighbor overnight. Bunny went to the same school that Alexis did. Kimber had been very tempted to move her to another school when she'd found out that the woman Luke had had an affair with had been not only his ex, but their daughter's teacher. But their daughter loved her school and her friends and Kimber hadn't had the heart to take it away from her.

Kimber took a deep breath and let it out as she heard the front door open and close. Luke called up to her "Babe are you home?"

Kimber bit her lip. Luke had convinced her to hire someone to run the bookstore she owned while she was pregnant. She missed it sometimes but she trusted the women that were working there and she felt like she had already missed so much of seeing Alexis grow. She cleared her throat.

"Yes Luke, I'm home."

She heard his footsteps on the stairs. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She feared that she was on the verge of a panic attack and took several deep breaths and let them out slowly before he had reached her.

Luke took one look at her and took her into his arms. Luke had such strong arms. She had always felt so safe and protected when she was in their circle. She liked that he was tall and muscular, because Kimber herself was 5'9 and wasn't super skinny when she wasn't pregnant and had grown tired of feeling so big next to the men that she dated.

Luke pulled back slightly and she made herself look into his hazel eyes.

"Babe is everything okay? Is something wrong with the baby? I thought you didn't have another appointment with the doctor until next week." Luke placed his hand on her stomach.

Kimber put her hand over his. He was such a wonderful father. He had been so happy when she'd told him she was pregnant, and now she was going to take all of that away from him. "I need to tell you something Luke."

His face was still full of concern as he took her hand and led her to their bed. "Sit down honey. You look like you're going to be sick."

She sat down with him and let him rub her back. His hands felt so good. She wondered how he would react to her news. And he wasn't the only one she had to tell either. She put her head to his chest for a minute and breathed in his scent. Luke had always smelled just the way she thought a man should smell. She loved him so much sometimes she felt like she could hardly breathe when she was around him.

It had broken her heart when she had found out he was cheating, especially since he wasn't the one that had told her. But the man that had told her was a big part of her problem. She had had sex with the husband of the woman that Luke had cheated with. Sex without protection. And now, she didn't know whether she carried the child of her husband or her one-night lover.

Tears started to fall down her face. Luke took her face in his hand and tipped it to make her look at him. "Sweetheart what is wrong? Tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

Kimber shook her head. Her voice sounded to her like she had eaten a handful of broken glass when she said "Not this Luke."

A look of caution crossed over her husband's handsome face. "Kimber, what are you talking about?"

She knew she had to just let it out or she was never going to make it through telling him. "I had sex with Paul."

Confusion entered his eyes. "Sierra's Paul?"

Kimber almost made a face at the woman's name, but she managed to keep her face a careful blank. Her tears had stopped, but she still felt like she had a lump so big in her throat that she would never be able to swallow past it.

"Yes, Sierra's Paul."

"I guess I don't have a lot to say since I slept with Sierra. But why are you telling me this now babe? You don't need to worry about something like this when you're pregnant. It was only one time wasn't it?"

Kimber wondered how he could take the whole thing so casually. Sierra and Paul had left town. Luke claimed that he was the one that had broken it off with her, but Kimber sometimes wondered if he still thought of her, if she would always be the one that he would rather be with. It felt like some kind of punishment to think that her husband had asked another woman to marry him before her and had carried a torch for her for years since their relationship had been left feeling unfinished.

"Luke, it kinda bugs me that you're taking this so casually. I certainly didn't feel one bit casual when I found out you were sleeping with her. It felt like someone tore my heart out and spit on it. To know that I was always your second choice, to think that if she would have said yes to you when you proposed I would never have met you and we wouldn't have Alexis, gives me feelings I can't describe."

Luke kissed her, slowly and gently. "How could the most beautiful woman in the world ever be my second choice? I screwed up babe and it kills me to think of how much I hurt you. But you were never my second choice. Sierra and I walked away from what we had. We were fools to think we had any right to try to bring something back alive that had died long before."

"But it obviously hadn't died Luke. You made love to her when she was pregnant with her husband's child."

Luke brushed her hair back from her face. "I made love to you right up until you had Alexis. Our love making was what sent you into labor remember?"

She knew that he was trying to tease her back into a good mood, but it was still bugging her that he seemed to want to sweep the whole thing under the rug. Not that she hadn't wanted to do the same thing herself, and not that she obviously hadn't for weeks now. But she doubted that he would feel the same way when she told him it could be Paul's child she was carrying.

"This isn't a joke Luke. I had sex with Paul. Without a condom."

Luke sighed. "I don't want to stir shit up, but I had sex with Sierra without a condom too. Not that it mattered because she was already pregnant." He looked at her and awareness dawned on his face. "Kimber you're telling me this because the child you're carrying might not be mine aren't you?"

Kimber couldn't look at him anymore. The tears started to flow again. "Yes."

"And you've waited this long to tell me? Were you going to bother telling me at all?"

Kimber turned back to him. There was anger in his voice, but she was starting to feel it too. He wasn't exactly innocent either she thought. "Would you ever have bothered to tell me that you had slept with Sierra if she hadn't told Paul and he hadn't told me? From what Paul told me, it didn't sound like she would have told him unless he had walked in on her trying on the engagement ring that you bought her."

"Paul is a damned idiot. He has a beautiful wife and he made her feel unattractive while she was pregnant with his child. I know how self-conscious you were about your body when you were pregnant with Alexis. But you were always beautiful to me and there was no way I would have ever let you think that I didn't think you were sexy because you had a child inside of you. My child. Why would you have wanted to sleep with someone like that? From what Sierra said, it doesn't sound like Paul likes sex."

"You didn't answer my question Luke. Would you have told me about her?"

"Eventually."

Kimber snorted. "Eventually? When? When Alexis was eighteen and it no longer matter if I kicked you out of the house? I was pissed off when I found out you were screwing her, but you are a wonderful, devoted father Luke. There is no way that I would have kept you away from our daughter."

"How in the hell was I supposed to know that Kimber? You think you know a woman and then she turns around and says or does something so off the wall that you wonder if you're living in the same realm of reality as her. I love you. I cherish every moment I've had with you, good and bad. Our daughter is a gift from above, this perfect child that came from two people who are obviously nowhere near perfect. But to think that you were going to pass off another man's child as mine, the feeling is absolutely indescribable."

"So you would have let me think you were faithful just to make sure that you could be a father? That's disgusting."

Luke gave her a look that was full of pain and anger and betrayal. "What do you call it when you plan to pass another man's child off as your husband's? You know, you're nowhere near the first woman that has done that though. And how many women have gotten away with it? If you fuck some guy that is similar in coloring and looks to you, or to your husband-damn you're golden. Doesn't matter who's the real father of your baby. Let your husband think that the kid's his. YOU'RE disgusting Kimber. I have to go."

He took his wedding ring off and tossed it onto the night stand. "I don't know if I'll be back. If I'm gone too long, I'll call you and we'll talk about setting something up so that I can see Alexis."

He turned to walk away.

"Luke, wait. I had sex with Paul once. The chances are still better that the baby belongs to you. I told you because I couldn't stand the guilt anymore."

Luke turned back to her. All expression was now gone from his face. "I realize that I probably don't have a right to feel the way that I'm feeling right now because I started this whole thing. I admit that. I called Sierra. She may have been the one that made the first move when we made love, but I could have stopped it. Seeing her stirred up all these old feelings and she was so lost. I couldn't let her think that she wasn't beautiful because her husband's a damned moron."

"So that's your excuse? You made love to her because you couldn't let a pregnant woman think that she wasn't beautiful?"

"Kimber that is such a stupid question. You make it sound like I go out and look for pregnant women that have idiots for husbands and boyfriends and have sex with them to make them feel better about themselves. That was hardly the case. Sierra was my first love. I never loved a woman the way that I loved her until I met you. When I met you, I knew that there was a reason that Sierra had turned me down when I proposed. And that reason was you. I knew that you were the woman that I was meant to be with. And now you stab me in the heart and stir up a bunch of shit that we were just really starting to get past. Don't think that I didn't notice you watching me for weeks after I came home to see if I was checking other women out. I don't need another woman. You are my heart, my soul. You are beautiful and smart and kind and you are the world's best mother. How could I want to be with another woman when I have you?"

"You sure as hell wanted to be with Sierra. You didn't say that you had sex with her. You said that you made love to her. You still love her."

"So what if I do? It doesn't mean that I would have ever been such an idiot that I would have gone to find her. I wouldn't have broken up her family. She loves Paul. She just couldn't stand the fact that he doesn't like sex. It's one thing when you're a man and your wife doesn't want to have sex with you. Married guys get comfortable. Sometimes they get fat and don't think that they need to worry about pleasing their woman in the ways that they did before they got married. Men are idiots. If you choose to spend your life with a woman, you need to treat her right and make sure that she always knows she's loved and cherished, especially in the bedroom. Sex should get better after marriage, because you're supposed to be making a promise to spend the rest of your life with someone. But marriage doesn't seem to mean 'til death do us part anymore. It seems to mean 'til divorce does us part. When you're a woman, and your man doesn't want to have sex with you, you think that you're not good enough or that you're not attractive. If your own husband doesn't want you, why should you think that any man wants you? It's different for women."

"You're making excuses for what you did. I had sex with Paul. That's all it was."

"I hope your sex was good enough that it was worth ruining two marriages over."

Luke turned and walked out of the room. Kimber threw his pillow at the door. "Fuck you Luke. If you hadn't been so hot to screw your ex-girlfriend in the first place, this would never have happened. I never thought about cheating on you before that."

"If you had used a condom, or hadn't ended up pregnant Kimber, it wouldn't bug me so much. I know I fucked up. You saw how I took the news when you told me you had sex with him. It hurts, but I can't say shit. This is different. You are pregnant and the child you're carrying may not belong to me. This isn't just our problem either. If this kid is Paul's don't you think he has a right to know too? I think you have a phone call to make."

She heard his footsteps retreat down the stairs, and then the front door opened and then slammed shut. She heard his car start and then roar out of the driveway. She lay back on the bed and let the tears flow.

She cried for what seemed like forever. Then she got up and used the bathroom. She washed her hands and her face and then went back to the bedroom. She had Paul and Sierra's home phone number written on a pad in the nightstand drawer. She wasn't sure whether telling Paul would be better or worse than telling Luke had been, but she knew she had to do it all the same.

She took a deep breath and then let it out. She picked up her cell phone and dug the number out of the drawer and dialed the number into her phone with a shaky hand.

A woman's voice answered on the third ring. Kimber knew she had to be speaking to the other woman that her husband loved.

"Hello."

Kimber cleared her throat. "Um, is Paul there?"

"No, he's still at work. May I ask who's calling?"

Kimber wasn't sure what to say. "Um."

"Just a second please. I need to get my baby. He's wailing like the world is going to end."

"Okay." Kimber waited with a pounding heart for the other woman to come back to the line. She was tempted to hang up, but that would have made her feel like more of a coward than she already did.

"You still there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I have a piece of paper to take down your name and your number. Go ahead whenever you're ready."

"Um, this is Paul's wife right?"

"Yes." A cautious note had entered her voice. "This is Sierra Brooks and I am Paul's wife. Did something happen to him? Well, I guess not since you're calling to talk to him. Can I ask what's going on?"

"I don't mean to sound rude but I really need to talk to Paul. Is it okay if I call back? What time do you think he'll be home from work?"

"He's going out for drinks afterwards I think, so he probably won't be home until seven thirty or so. Are you sure you don't want to leave your name and your number so he can call you back?"

Kimber took a deep breath and then let it out. Her heart didn't stop pounding. She knew that if she didn't calm down, she was going to be in the grip of a panic attack before she knew it. With the anxiety she'd been feeling since she'd realized she had to tell Luke the truth, she was becoming more and more concerned about the stress she was putting on the baby.

"My name is Kimber Stone. My phone number is 555-818-0246."

"Kimber Stone. 555-818-0246."

"Yes. Thank you." Kimber started to hang up the phone, not believing that Sierra didn't recognize her name.

"Wait. Hold on a sec. Kimber Stone. As in Luke's wife?"

"I am Luke's wife yes."

"This might not be any of my business. Wait, what in the hell am I saying? He's my husband so it is my business. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, especially since I had an affair with your husband, but why are you calling mine?"

"Sierra, I'm not trying to be rude, and I'm sure that everything will be explained to you, but I can't talk to you about this without talking to Paul first."

Sierra let out a harsh laugh. "You fucked my husband didn't you?"

Kimber had a sudden urge to laugh too. "You sure as hell fucked mine. But no, he called it making love. I have to go Sierra. I'll call back later."

Kimber hung up her phone. Her phone rang almost immediately but she let it ring because she could see from the caller ID that it was Sierra.

She didn't want to deal with Paul's betrayed wife. She didn't think that Sierra had the right to feel so betrayed when Luke had said she had made the first real move to cement their affair, but then again, the other woman didn't know that there was a possibility that she was carrying Paul's child either.

Her phone rang several more times. She glanced at the caller ID each time, hoping that it might be Luke, but it never was. She fell asleep. When she awoke it was dark outside and the clock on her nightstand read 10:15.

"Damn."

Kimber used the restroom, washed her hands and then went back to the bedroom. She picked up her cell phone. Paul hadn't called her back but Luke had called her several times. She dialed his cell phone number but it went straight to voice mail. She didn't bother to leave a message.

She wished she had Paul's cell phone number so that she could call him and not have to face the chance of having to talk to his wife again, but cell phone numbers weren't listed the way that land lines were. She'd been glad that they had a home phone and that it was listed in the phone book, and that Paul had told her where they were moving and that she'd remembered.

She went downstairs and made herself a light supper. She was glad that Alexis was gone, because she didn't think she could face her daughter's inquiries as to where her father was. Their daughter was so young. She had lied to her when Luke had been gone before. How can you explain to a three-year-old that her father is gone because Mommy kicked him out for sleeping with another woman? But Kimber knew that she had screwed things up even worse than before.

She did her few dishes and then went back upstairs and took a long hot bath. It didn't make her feel any better, but it did make her sleepy. Though when she put her pajamas on and crawled back into bed, she tossed and turned for hours before she fell asleep.

Paul

When Paul walked in the door after work he expected to find a smiling wife and a baby that was happy to see him. Instead, he found his pretty wife looking like her face was set in stone. Her emerald eyes looked like they wanted to shoot daggers straight through his head.

He picked their son up out of the playpen and dropped a kiss on top of his blonde head. Nathan looked up at him and smiled. "Da."

Paul smiled. "That's right. At least somebody is glad to see Daddy." He turned back to his wife. "Why the long face beautiful?"

"We had an interesting phone call today. I'll talk to you about it after the baby's asleep." Sierra crossed the room and took Nathan from his arms and without another word, carried him with her up the stairs.

Paul sighed as he looked at his wife's retreating back. Sierra had quite a temper. He wondered what he could possibly have done to piss her off this time. A nagging thought entered the back of his mind, but he tried to brush it away. There was no way in hell she could have found out about his night of passion with Kimber, the wife of the man that Sierra had had her own affair with.

They hadn't exactly agreed not to tell their respective spouses, but it had hardly seemed like a good idea to him to stir the pot of shit again when he had just decided to take Sierra back and get them the hell away from the town where she had run into her old lover. Sierra claimed that if Paul had made love to her then the way he made love to her now, that she wouldn't have run straight into Luke's arms when she was pregnant with his child, but Paul had never been completely sure if he'd believed it.

The day he had broken the news to Kimber, he had wanted to kiss her so badly, to make Sierra feel a fraction of the pain he'd been feeling since she had confessed her affair to him. But he hadn't even been able to do that. He'd felt pathetic, not like a man at all. But they had certainly had hot passionate sex when he'd gone back to the bookstore to tell Kimber that they were leaving town and that she would no longer have to worry about Sierra turning her husband's head.

He knew that his wife was beautiful. He saw the way other men checked her out when they were out together, even when she was pushing a stroller and wearing her wedding ring and their hands were joined. When he had first decided to go back home after learning of her affair, he had watched his wife like a hawk to see if she was looking at other men the way they looked at her.

But she didn't look at other men. She might admire one now and again, but he knew she was only human. And she seemed perfectly oblivious to the fact that so many men noticed how sexy she was even if she hadn't lost all of the weight from her pregnancy. He thought that the ten pounds or so that had hung on after she'd had Nathan made her look even more like a woman.

Sierra had always turned him on so much that he'd thought his carefully controlled hormones were going crazy. He enjoyed sex. It had just always seemed to him that too many relationships were about sex first and foremost. He had been half in love with Sierra before he had gotten the courage to ask her out. He had never wanted her to believe that he only wanted to be with her because she was beautiful.

Paul went to the kitchen. He'd eaten dinner already. Sierra wasn't much of a cook and he didn't think that was ever really going to change. But he didn't care. He could cook just fine.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and took it back to the living room with him. He wanted to get out of his work clothes, but he didn't want to bug Sierra further. When she was mad at him, she didn't want him anywhere near her until she said so. And she'd certainly seemed plenty mad at him.

Their home phone rang. He picked it up from the coffee table, not bothering to look at the caller ID. He figured that it was probably a salesman, though their number was on the do not call list. Not much of anyone called their home phone anymore.

"Hello."

"Is this Paul?"

The male voice on the other end of the line was slurred. "This is Paul. Who is this?"

"The husband of the woman who is knocked up with your baby."

Paul's heart felt like it had jumped into his throat. He knew that it had to be Luke. He certainly hadn't slept with another woman besides his own wife. He couldn't believe that Kimber was pregnant though.

"You still there asshole?"

Paul sighed. "I'm still here."

"Did you enjoy fucking my wife? If you're supposed to be such a smart guy why in the hell didn't you stop long enough to think about using a rubber? I know she's beautiful, but damn dude you two got us all into a big mess. Huge."

Paul snorted. "You fucked my wife first."

"I didn't fuck your wife. She was my girl first and it's not my fault you're such an idiot that you couldn't please her in the bedroom. I made love to Sierra because I love Sierra. How do you like that? My wife said that you fucked her though, so take that and shove it."

"You disgust me Luke. If you want my wife so damned bad you can have her. I think she still loves you anyway. I'm never going to live up to her idealized memory of you so why bother?"

"You really are an idiot. I'm drunk off my ass and I can still see more clearly than you can. You can love more than one person. Even if we would have parted differently, Sierra and I wouldn't have stopped loving each other. Where we messed up was we acted on it. She loves you and I love Kimber. I am with the woman that I want to be with, the woman that I was meant to be with. And for some strange reason Sierra seems to think that you're the guy for her. But just when we got past all of the bullshit you had to fuck my wife and get her pregnant."

"How do you know the baby isn't yours?"

"I don't know that asshole. You really are an asshole. I can't believe you told me I could have your wife. I sure as shit wouldn't give you mine. Then again I don't think I can raise your kid either. So it's looks like we're all in a bunch of shit huh? How are you going to tell Sierra?"

"I have no idea how I'm going to tell Sierra."

Sierra happened to walk into the room right then. "You have no idea how you're going to tell me what Paul?"

Paul looked up at his wife. He hoped that the panic he felt wasn't showing in his eyes. "Just a minute honey. Let me finish this conversation and then we'll talk."

"Who's on the phone Paul? Is it Kimber? You did screw her didn't you?" She picked up the pillow from the couch and hit him with it. "Asshole."

"It's not Kimber on the phone."

"Who is it then? Is it Luke?" She reached for the phone. "Let me talk to him."

"No. The last thing we need is for you two to get started again."

"You're an idiot Paul. I wouldn't have slept with him if you hadn't made me feel like you didn't want me anymore; as if Nathan was the only reason you wanted me around. I'm not a baby carrier. I'm your wife. Give me the damned phone."

Sierra grabbed the phone out of his hand. "Luke?"

Luke

When Luke heard her voice, he felt tears fill his eyes. He grabbed his cigarettes from where they were sitting on the bar, left a tip and took his phone outside.

"Si."

"What the hell is going on? I guess it's pretty obvious that my husband had sex with your wife, but there's something else isn't there? What the hell can we say when we had sex a bunch of times? I'm guessing they only did it once. Or maybe not. Are they still messing around? Luke please tell me."

"Honey, I think you should let Paul tell you. It's not my place."

"Luke, you were the first man that I loved. You made me feel good about myself when I thought that no one could. We screwed up royally when we started sleeping together again and we both know it. There was a time when I thought that I would have left Paul for you if you had asked me to, but I couldn't have done that. I love Paul. Paul is uptight and he's never gonna like sex as much as I do, but he's my man and he's the one I was meant to be with. Why can't they understand that we can still love each other and not love them any less?"

Luke sighed. "I don't know babe. This is a mess. I'd tell you darlin' but it really needs to come from your husband."

"This is bad isn't it? Oh Luke."

"Honey, I'm gonna let you go now. I hope everything is going well for you. Bye Si. Take care."

Luke hung up the phone before she could say another word. He lit a cigarette and crossed the parking lot to his car. He knew that he shouldn't be driving, but the motel he had checked into was only a few blocks away from the bar and he was sure he could make it.

He made it the motel with no problems. He got out of his car, locked it, unlocked the door to his room and entered. It was not where he wanted to be. He wanted to be in his own bed, with his wife beside him. The weeks apart from her during their first separation after his affair with Sierra had come to light, from their beautiful daughter, had been hell. And now, he wasn't sure if he could ever go home. His love for Kimber was a powerful thing, but he didn't know whether love was enough when it came to raising another man's child.

He didn't like the way he had left things with her though and he thought that he'd really like to talk to her before he went to sleep. He'd left his wedding ring because he was being an asshole. He'd thought at first that he could go out and sleep with another woman and feel better. Women had hit on him at the bar. But he hadn't been able to look at any of them and not see her face. He knew he was fooling himself thinking that a night with another woman would change anything. It would have pissed Kimber off and probably made him feel sick and disgusted with himself and it certainly wouldn't change the fact that the child his wife was carrying might not be his.

He took his shoes off and then lay back on the bed and dialed Kimber's cell number. They didn't have a home phone. He had gotten Paul and Sierra's number from a phonebook online and had dialed it without thought.

Kimber didn't pick up the phone, so he sighed, undressed the rest of the way and pulled the covers over him. He passed out soon after.

Sierra

Sierra put the cordless phone back on the cradle and glared at her husband. "What in the hell is going on Paul? Tell me right now."

Paul sighed. "Sierra, I don't know how to say this."

"Then just say it dammit."

She stood above him with her arms crossed, daring him to say the wrong thing.

"I had sex with Kimber."

"This might sound really dumb to you because neither you nor Kimber really seem to get what went on between me and Luke, but if you just had sex with her, we can get past it. What in the hell can I say when I made love with Luke two or three times a week for months?"

"What is it with you two? He said that you made love too. He also said that he still loves you. Do you still love him?"

"I do. That's not the point, because I will always love Luke. I should have told you about him before we got married. I should have tossed the engagement ring long before I did. I never, ever should have slept with him. You are the one I want to be with. But I want to feel like you're my husband just as much as you're the father of my child. When I ran into Luke, you weren't making me feel like that. I messed up and I know I messed up. But why is Kimber calling now? Are you still sleeping with her? Did Luke find out and she wanted to call before he got the chance or something? What is it Paul?"

Paul closed his eyes. Sierra tapped her foot impatiently. "Well?"

"Kimber is pregnant."

"Yeah, so? That should be something they're really happy about. Luke's a great dad and he doesn't mind sleeping with a woman when she's pregnant." Sierra gave him a tight smile.

"Kimber and I um. . . We had unprotected sex."

When the awareness dawned on Sierra of what he was saying, she wanted to kill him. "The baby might be yours. Get the fuck out Paul. You are such a goddamned idiot. You thought that I screwed our marriage up royally? Wow were you wrong. There was never any question of who the father of my child was. And if I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't have been dumb enough to have sex with another man without protection. There has got to a handbook out there somewhere for when idiots decide to have affairs."

"You started this whole thing when you spread your legs for your ex."

"If you still can't get past that you really can get out and stay away. I explained my indiscretions to you over and over. I love you Paul, but I can't believe you did this. I get that you had sex with her. It's like a 'ha ha you fucked my wife I can fuck yours' kind of a thing. Whatever. Like I said, we could have gotten past that. You've opened up to me in the bedroom. We actually have sex sometimes instead of just making love. But fathering another woman's child? Fathering the child of Luke's wife? That means DNA tests and child support and Nathan having a half brother or sister. How in the hell are we supposed to explain that to our son?"

"He's a baby."

"He's not always gonna be a baby." Sierra shook her head. "Get out Paul. You can see Nathan, but I can't deal with seeing you right now. We may be able to get past this and figure out how in the hell we're going to deal with this, but I am definitely not making any promises. How could you have been so stupid?"

Paul said nothing. He gave her a weak smile and then went up the stairs. She could hear him talking quietly to their son. He returned several minutes later with an overnight bag.

"I love you Sierra. Never forget that."

"You're the one who seems to have forgotten."

Paul shook his head sadly and left the house.

Sierra locked the door behind him. She went to the kitchen and made herself a glass of wine. She went upstairs and took a long hot bath and then changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She laid her head on Paul's pillow and cried herself to sleep.
