
English: 
It's an incredible thing to think that in the universe, somebody must have had the worst day ever.
Some unfortunate person had to have had a day that was worse than any day anybody had ever had before.
What I want to know, is why I had to be that person.
Yes. I'm having a bad day.
In fact, I can say with a degree of certainty, this day could not possibly get any worse.

English: 
It's an incredible thing to think 
that in the universe
somebody must have had the worst 
day ever.
Some unfortunate person had 
to have had a day
that was worse than any day 
anybody had ever had before.
What I want to know is why I 
had to be that person.
Yes, I'm having a bad day!
In fact, I can say with a degree of certainty
this day could not possibly get any worse.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, 'Oh, dear!'

English: 
Now I know what you're thinking. 
You're thinking "Oh dear. If only he knew."
You're talking about the dragon, right?
Or the guy with the hood and the big axe?
Yeah, I'm already aware of all that.
You see this is one of those life flashing before 
your very eyes moments that happens
when you are facing imminent 
death or horror beyond all imagination.
And yes I am talking about something 
more horrific than sitting in this cart,
 with all these disgustingly smelly people.
However, let's start with some introductions.
My name is Leonard.
Not really, but it's good enough for now.
You see, my opinion on names 
is they're kinda like outfits...
You wear one for a while, it gets a little dirty 
and you acquire a new one.
(Hadvar Speaking)
"Who are you?"
Uhh...Lenny. It's short for Leonard.
Leonard Tiberius Septim.
Yeah that's it. 
No relation obviously, that would be...uhh...
Well you never know I suppose, 
you know what these nobles are like, right?

English: 
'If only he knew!'
You're talking about the dragon, right?
Or the guy with the hood and the big axe?
Yeah, I'm already aware of all that.
You see, this is one of those 
life-flashing-before-your-very-eyes-moments
that happens when you're facing imminent 
death or horror beyond all imagination.
And, yes, I am talking about 
something more horrific
than sitting in this cart with all 
these disgustingly smelly people.
However, let's start with some introductions!
My name is Leonard.
Not really, but it's good enough for now.
You see, my opinion on names
is they're kind of like outfits.
You wear one for a while, it gets 
a little dirty, you acquired a new one.
Hadvar: Who are you?
Lenny! It's short for Leonard.
Leonard Tiberius Septim.
Yeah, that's right! No relation, obviously...
That would be-- 
Well, you never know, I suppose!
You know what these nobles are like, right?

English: 
...or maybe you don't. Okay, well never mind.
There seems to have been a huge mistake. I shouldn't really be here so if you could just let me go, untie my hands, I will be on my way.
Uhh...Sight-seeing. It really is beautiful here.
(Alarmed)
To the block? I'm sorry, wait one second...
I'm sorry, can I just clarify this?
You're going to execute me for the 
crime of what in particular?
I mean, am I being arrested for 
possession of a personality perhaps?
(Angrily)
I see those have been outlawed in this neighborhood!
At this point in the story, things got a little more hectic with running and screaming and jumping and more screaming...
Oh, and fire.

English: 
Or maybe you don't.
Okay, well, never mind!
There seems to have been a HUGE mistake.
I shouldn't really be here.
So, if you could just, you know,
let me go, untie my hands,
I will be on my way.
Ah... Sightseeing! It really is beautiful here.
To the block?
I'm sorry, wait one second!
I'm sorry, can I just clarify this.
You're going to execute me for 
the crime of what, in particular?
I mean, am I being arrested for...
possession of a personality, perhaps?
I see those have been outlawed 
in this neighborhood!
At this point in the story
things got a little more hectic
with running and screaming and jumping
and more screaming.
Oh, and fire!

English: 
Although, I have to say, at this point
I did have a bit of an epiphany.
Okay...wait...out of curiosity, why am I jumping first?
I'm the man with his hands tied up...
why aren't you following me?
Ohhh! I'm a distraction, aren't I?
I'm running with my hands tied, the dragon chases me, and you all escape out the front door!
This is Hadvar.
We met him earlier.
Now, Hadvar is the sort 
of person I would classify as a puppy.
You know, sort of nauseating and makes you 
want to kick him when no-one's looking.
But, more importantly, like a puppy, he seems loyal, eager to please, and above all way 
too stupid to stab me in the back.

English: 
Although, I have to say, at this point 
I did have a bit of an epiphany.
Okay!
Wait...
Out of curiosity, why am I jumping first?
I'm the man with his hands tied up--
Why aren't you following?
[dragon roaring]
Ooooh!
I'm a distraction, aren't I?
I'm running with my hands tied, 
the dragon chases me,
and you all escape out the front door.
This is Hadvar.
We met him earlier.
Now, Hadvar is the sort of person 
I would classify as a puppy.
You know, sort of nauseating 
and makes you want to kick him
when no one's looking.
But, more importantly, 
like a puppy, he seems
loyal, eager to please, and above all,
way too stupid to stab me in the back.
I'm still trying to figure out 
why he didn't save the kid
or the old man, or any of his friends

English: 
and instead chose to help me out.
But I'm gonna put that down to 
abject stupidity again.
Guys, dragon!
I'm not falling for that one again!
Ah.
You remember I did mention a moment of utter horror?
The reason for this flashback of my entire life?
Well, I'm afraid it's about to happen.
So you might want to make sure 
you're sat down, and brace yourself.
This is NOT going to be pleasant.
Okay, yes, you do that!
I will get some...gear.
Do you have...anything in black?
Hadvar: You'd better get that armor on.
Give that sword a few swings, too!

English: 
I'm still trying to figure out why he didn't save the kid, or the old man, or any of his friends and instead chose to help me out...
But I'm gonna put that down to abject stupidity again.
(Alarmed) Guys? Dragon!
I'm not falling for that one again.
Ah, you remember I did mention a moment of utter horror? The reason for this flashback of my entire life?
Well, I'm afraid it's about to happen.
So you might want to make sure 
you're sat down and brace yourself.
This is not going to be pleasant.
Okay. Yes. You do that, I will get some...gear.
Do you have anything in black?

English: 
Put this armor on?
(Slight concern) Okay...
It's...uhh...it's a uniform dude, I don't normally do uniforms.
I really...
Okay, Hadvar?
I seem to be missing trousers!
No, I don't think you understand me I do not have any trousers on.
Now, I appreciate there's a dragon outside that would like to eat us all...
But I have no trousers!
Okay, well there are no trousers, but there is a helmet.
No, I'm just going to go 
back outside and let the dragon kill me!

English: 
Put this armor on? Ooo-kay.
It's, uh...it's a uniform, dude.
I don't normally do...uniforms.
I really...
Okay.
Hadvar, I seem to be missing trousers!
No, I don't think you understand me...
I do not have any trousers on!
Now, I appreciate there's a dragon 
outside that would like to eat us all,
But I have.
No.
Trousers!
Okay, well, there are no trousers, 
but there is a helmet.
[dragon roaring outside]
Nope!
I'm just going to go back outside 
and let the dragon kill me!
