 [dramatic choral music]
 - Being in Texas for a few
 days has allowed me to pick up
 the subtleties
 of professional wrestling.
- Say I'm beating
the shit out of him,
and out of nowhere, he's up
and over behind me, boom.
[thudding]
- And this is therapy?
 I decided
 to throw on my producers hat
 and head to Marlin, Texas,
 to promote Valhalla's show.
 I knew in order
 to get butts in seats,
 we'd need a multi-platform,
 synergistic marketing scheme.
Free wrestling show.
Free wrestling show tonight.
You'll love it, you'll love it,
you'll love it, you'll love it.
 Fine, maybe some people
 aren't ready to hear it,
 but America needed to know
 Valhalla Club's story.
 Enter CBS News...
 of Central Texas.
- Joining us in the studio,
Jordan Klepper.
He's actually filming
in central Texas this weekend.
- You see a lot of people
coming back from wars
and it feels like
their mental health issues
aren't being taken care of.
 These guys
 were really inspiring
 'cause they took it
 onto themselves
 to find a creative outlet,
 so we're throwing
 a big, big ole show.
Final question:
Are you ready to rumble?
- I'm ready to ru--
I'm pretty close
to being ready to rumble, yeah.
 With the show
 only a few hours away,
 Brysin and I
 headed to the parking lot
 for a classic
 pre-wrestling show ritual.
What're we doing here?
- We're gonna build a table.
Take the frame off this one,
put this frame on wood,
and tonight,
someone's gonna go through it.
- What is it with you wrestlers
and furniture?
Did a chaise lounge
take your girlfriend?
- No, no.
Like I said, I'm married.
[drill whirring]
- You suffered an injury
overseas, did you not?
- Almost.
We were doing missions
in the city,
somebody took a shot at us
aiming for, like,
my femoral artery,
so it's pretty--
pretty close to,
you know,
the Studtacular family jewels.
- A sniper tried
to take your dick off?
- Yeah, kinda, yeah.
Now I have two kids.
- Wait, I think
you've connected two things
that seem unrelated.
- [chuckles]
- Where do you see yourself
five years from now?
- I am looking to make it to
the top of the wrestling scene.
That's my main goal.
- So you don't wanna be
in a parking lot
putting together a fake able
five years from now.
- Oh, no.
Not even two weeks from now.
I wanna be to the next level.
- What about those veterans?
You handle it.
 [dramatic music]
 - Mic check, one, two.
 Testing.
 One, two, three, four.
- The energy here is a blast.
- [exclaims]
- [laughs]
- If you look over there,
 Eddie's trying to get
 the lighting just right.
 Feels like
 a roided-up pageant,
but it takes a village
to put on a roided-up pageant.
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey!
What's going on, buddy?
 - You just get a sense that
 it's a call for community.
 No matter who you are,
 community is important.
 [soft dramatic music]
- Welcome, welcome.
Tonight,
we make history together
in many a contest.
 [rousing orchestral music]
 ♪ ♪
 - This clearly was
 the Valhalla Club's night.
 They flew off the ropes and
 into the hearts of the crowd,
 lifting up the spirits of
 children and veterans alike.
 It was heartwarming.
[cheers and applause]
 But then...
 crisis struck.
- Hold on a second.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're supposed to be receiving
a gentleman
from Washington, D.C..
- Yeah, Washington, D.C.
[crowd booing]
 Meet Valhalla Club's
 archnemesis.
You love me.
You love me.
 The man who loves
 long wait lines,
 bad doctors,
 and not helping vets.
 It's...
Mr. Red Tape.
[crowd booing]
 [suspenseful music]
That's right!
That's Mr. Red Tape!
- You vets,
you have paperwork to do.
- I think what I'm gonna do is
I'm gonna take this paperwork
and shove it down your throat.
- Okay, no,
you're not gonna do it.
No, no, you know what?
I think you need a seat.
 ♪ ♪
We'll get back to you
in six to eight months.
- Really?
- Am I liked? [cackles]
You know what you really want?
He needs pills.
- No.
- Take some pills.
Oh!
 ♪ ♪
[crowd booing]
- You don't like this,
you can quit,
you can curl up.
- I served six years,
and did ten months in Iraq,
I don't quit!
- Oh, you know what?
Thank you for your service.
[laughs]
[crowd booing]
 ♪ ♪
[crowd roars]
 [hopeful music]
I'm fine.
 [dramatic music]
[cheers and applause]
No.
No.
 ♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
 The bad guy
 has been vanquished.
 Side note:
 I'm almost positive I'm dead.
