Hello. I'm Jamila Musayeva, an
international social etiquette
consultant and an author of the book 
"Etiquette: the least you need to know." Today,
I'm going to be talking about body
language, which is also known as
nonverbal communication. In fact, there is
a specific study dedicated to
understanding body language, which is
called kinesics. 65% of what we say is
communicated through nonverbal
communication. And what are some elements
of nonverbal communication? Examples are our body movements, our head movements,
hand gestures, our facial expressions, our
voice, tone, even how we dress and how
we'll look is part of nonverbal
communication. Basically anything that we
don't say using our words but is
communicated without words is a element
of nonverbal communication. Scientists
have studied and have figured out that
about 65% of our communication is
nonverbal. A lot of people say that how
we say is more important than what we
say. In reality, we can control our
speech; we can ask a speech writer to
write our speech, we can learn our speech
by heart, rehearse at many many times, and
convey the written
message that we want to convey but it's
the body language that it's so difficult
to control and it's the body language
that conveys a lot more to the audience
than does our speech. In order to prove
this point, I'm gonna use the same phrase
use it and say it in different
intonations and using different facial
expressions. For example I like you or I
like you. It's the way I said it,
it's how I said it, it is  my facial
expression that changed the tone
and the understanding of the message. In
the first one it sounded like I was
excited and honest about it. In the second
message, I had my doubts and was more in
tones of sarcastic note or doubtful note,
so how we say is truly more important
that what we say, and that is why it's
very important to learn the tips and
tricks of body
language and learn to control your body.
The first trick that I'm going to be
sharing with you is eye contact. We all
know that it's very important to
maintain an eye contact and the reason
is because we often don't trust the
people who cannot look into our eyes, so
in order to convey a message of a
reliable, trustworthy person you have to
maintain an eye contact with the person
you are having a conversation with. The
two tips that I would share with you is
number one, first of all, always make sure
that you can note the eye color of the
person you are meeting. If you can say
their eye color then that means you were
able to maintain just enough amount of
eye contact in order to see that color.
The second tip that I would share with a lot
of my students ,who are offer shy to look
into the person's eye based on their
culture or maybe upbringing, it's very
important to look in between the eyes so
somewhere between the eyebrows, right on
the top of the nose bridge. By looking
into that spot, you might make it look like
you're looking into their eyes without
actually having an eye contact.
Maintaining an eye contact is actually a
very cultural sensitive topic because in
some cultures it's acceptable to look and
actually mandatory to look into someone's
eyes, whereas in some cultures it is
considered rude to look into the
person's eye. In fact, I will go even
further to note that the eye contact and 
the way you're having an eye contact
also varies from the setting that you're
in. So if for business meetings, you
have to be able to have an eye contact
somewhere on a person's eye level and
just above the forehead,
so it's this triangle that you are
allowed to look at when you're meeting
someone for business. In a social setting,
on the other hand, you're allowed to look
below the eye line so if you're looking
right into their eyes and just below in
a triangle here. In a more intimate
gaze, you're allowed to look right below
the mouth and right down the neck so
that is called the intimate gaze, which
you can only share with the person
you're close with. So when you're
maintaining an eye contact
make sure you follow these guidelines. The
second tip that I'm going to be sharing
with you is called mirroring. This is a
technique that a lot of politicians use
in order to convey a more reliable,
honest image to the person they're
having a conversation with. So mirroring 
 is basically reflecting the body
language of the person you're having a
conversation with. This means you have to
slowly adjust your body, or your tone, or
your voice to the person you're having a
conversation with. Say, someone when
speaking with you is leaning forward,
you might also adjust your body and
lean forward. Say, someone is crossing
their hands like this, you might also
slowly do that. It's important to reflect
it but not immediately because that
might convey a message, a wrong message
actually that you're trying to deceive
them, or you're trying to immediately
repeat after them their body language, so
you might want to just take some time
and slowly incorporate those elements
into your body language. That way you can
establish a very trustworthy and very
reliable relationship with the person
you're having a conversation with. Have
you ever noticed that when you are
whispering, someone is whispering back to
you, or if someone is shouting you tend
to raise your voice as well? This is a
subconscious mirroring that we are doing
without really understanding why but
it's important to incorporate mirroring
into our conscious activity and that way
it will help us to establish a more
trustworthy the more reliable
image of ourselves. The third and the
last tip of today's video is speaking to
your audience with your palms
visible to them. A lot of politicians and
public speakers are using this technique
in order to convey a more honest and
reliable image of themselves. Studies
have shown that when people look to
the palms of their hands, they tend
to relax more than when they look to the
front of their hands. It's very important
to put your audience at ease that's why
it's important to keep your palms open
and visible to them. Another reason why
it's important is because when the
audience can see your palms, they think
you're coming to them without any
weapons, you're not hiding anything,
you have good intentions, open heart and
open palms. On the contrary, if you are to
close your hands or keep your palms
invisible to them that would mean that you are showing some sort of an
aggression, perhaps you're trying to lie
or perhaps you're trying to hide
something. This is why it's very
important to keep your palms and hands
visible to your audience when you are
having a conversation with them. You can
use this technique when you are going
for a job interview, when you're making a
presentation, or when you're going for a
college interview. Make sure that the
person you're talking to can see the
insides of your palms. Thank you for
watching and I'll see you in my next
video. More about the tips and tricks of
body language.
