- Yeah, but did you hear that Sega Genesis has blast processing?
- SHUT UP!
- Dude, look at all these frickin' nerds.
- Yeah, I don't think it was a good idea for me to dress in a Princess Zelda costume.
- But dude, whatever. We get a free t-shirt if we're in costumes.
- Yeah, if we ever get up there.
- Yeah, sometimes
I just wish I had the Master Sword so I could just cut my way to the front.
- But then you'd go to jail for murder, and then you'd never even have time to play the game in the first place.
- True.
- I, on the other hand, wish I had the Ocarina so I could play the "Song of Time," go forward in time, and already have
the game.
- Dude, how awesome would it be to have video game items in real life?
- Happy B-day, Francis. What do you think of the cake I made you?
- Well, it's nice, but it's too damn
small.
- You ungrateful little s--t.
(blipping)
- That's what I'm talking about.
(gobbling)
- I'm gonna go play in the road!
- Hey, get back here!
- (grunting, whimpering)
- (grunting) How do I bring you back?
- Aah! OH!!
(groans)
- (dismissive sigh) Oh well.
- What's wrong, Mom?
- I found this under your bed.
- No, no.
- Are you using it?
- No, no, no, no, no, that's from a video game. I swear.
- Do not lie to me.
- It's from a video game!
- Honey, I think maybe we should confiscate that for,
uh...
scientific purposes?
- Yes, that is what we'll do. For science.
- For science.
- Yes. Bye, Son.
- Bye. Get in there.
- (giggles)
- I'm gonna wash out my eyes with bleach.
- So you want to go back to my place and put on a documentary about the legitimate concerns about time travel?
- Yeah, or we can just go make out on a dirty bus bench, and I can never call you again.
- That one sounds a lot less boring.
- Get out here.
(portal warbles)
Have fun being single. I'm getting hooked up. I like to start like this. I go like...
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, God!
Oh, God! What the hell?!
Oh, God! It's like a dooky rain! Oh, shoot!
- Isn't this romantic?
- Maybe if that stupid candle was lit.
(blip, chime)
 
I MADE A
TERRIBLE MISTAKE!!!
 
 
- (speaking foreign language)
(screaming)
- FIRST!! (laughs trollishly)
(boom!)
- Nobody f--king cares!
- Good thing I adopted a second kid that just so happens to look like the first.
- I'm gonna rub my private parts on the microwave!
- Get over here!!
- (gagging grunt)
(stifled groan)
- Whoopsies.
- (dying moan)
 
 
- What the s--t?
- I'm sorry!!
- You are so bad at
cutting, you are the husband in
THE WORLD!
- Ling-Ling, I can only take so much.
- It's not even worth it getting green card from you.
That's it!!!
(grunts)
That's better.
(karate grunt)
- I guess I could pay my rent now.
- It's a good thing I adopted this third kid that looks like the last two.
- I'm gonna go get a tattoo of the bible on my butt hole!
- God.
 
(boom!)
I really suck at this whole parenting thing.
 
 
- (screaming)
- Hey, it's okay! Once I eat you, your eyes will go back to the cage,
AND YOU'LL BE ALIVE AGAIN!
(demented laugh) Waka, waka, waka, waka...
- Yeah, you're right. Video game items in real life would kick ass.
- I told you.
- And now time to speed this s--t up with the "Song of Time."
 
(lilting tune)
- Wait, hold on, dude. I think that's the song of...
(thunderclap, rain pouring)
- Storms.
- Dammit!
- Uh, dude, your nipples are kind of showing now.
- Oh, my God, girl boobs!
- (screaming)
(ravenous laughter)
 
- Well, I guess since everyone's gone, I'm getting the game first!
Yes!
Huh? Huh! No... no!
Aah! Aah! (boom!)
- Hey, if you're not already subscribed, click that little yellow button to get a 1-up.
(perky chime)
- If you guys want to see bloopers from this video and watch me sustain some massive brain injury...
(shouts)
...click the video on the left.
- And if you guys want to see another episode of ours, click that video on the right to watch "If Apps Were Real."
- I bang
you!
I bang you!
I'd bang you!
