Cinemassacre's Monster Madness
Franken-Friday
It's Franken-Friday! If you're a newcomer to Monster Madness, you gotta check out all my old reviews of the classic
Frankenstein films.
I've done detailed reviews of the entire Universal series, plus the Hammer series, plus a bunch of other ones like Edison's
Frankenstein from 1910,
Frankenstein 1970,
Mel Brooks's Young Frankenstein
Frankenstein Unbound,
Dracula VS. Frankenstein, I've covered a lot.
But there's always more, and hey, this year marks the 200th anniversary
of when mary Shelley began writing the novel. Here's one in particular
that's been on the to-do list for years. Frankenhooker. When you hear the name Frankenhooker,
you can't help but laugh.
It's gotta be terrible, right? But the question is, is it the right kind of terrible? Is it worth your time?
Nowadays, there's so many crazy movies out there, all these shark movies, for example,
movies that are trying to be bad on purpose. But I guess back in 1990, the market wasn't as
over-saturated as it is now. Yes, VHS rentals were huge, and there were all kinds of crazy movies out there,
but if you were walking through a video store
and saw Frankenhooker on the shelf, it was a big deal.
There was a quote from Bill Murray, saying, 'If you see one movie this year, see Frankenhooker.'
Bill Murray knows what's up.
Anyway, after some skepticism, I watched it, and I was amazed how entertaining it is.
It's way better than it needs to be, and it's from the director of Brain Damage and Basket-Case.
So you know you're on the right track.
I think this is his best one. The main character is Jeffrey Franken, who's about to be married,
but his fiancee is killed by an accident
with a lawnmower.
So then he tries to bring her back to life,
converting his garage into a mad scientist laboratory, and going on a quest for body parts.
He only uses her original head,
But everything else he assembles from parts of hookers; because he's trying to take it all a step further
and create the perfect body. An arm here a leg there.
So, he pays for all these hookers, and he's checking them all out.
I mean getting up all close, and examining them all over. They think it's just his thing. He's dressed as a doctor,
"I gotta check you out"
It's such an uncomfortable but hilarious scene.
And then he kills them. In the most innocent way that he could possibly come up with.
He's not a bad guy,
he just wants to bring his girl back. Unlike Peter Cushing's Frankenstein, who would kill anybody without giving it a thought,
this guy is worried about killing people.
So he gives the hookers crack, but it's an explosive kind of crack. His reasoning
is that the hookers are already killing themselves with crack, he's only speeding up the process.
So this leads up to the best scene. All the hookers explode!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! it's fucking great! The bodies look like mannequins,
and in  the DVD extras, the special effects guy says they were going for a fake look on purpose, because, for one reason, they were trying to get an
R rating, not X or NC-17.
And NC-17 went into effect that same year, 1990.
But also, they wanted the scene to be funny. And it is. Even when you know it's coming,
it's still outrageous. Even without any blood. Then Jeffrey goes into the lab with all the body parts.
There's actually a pile of tits. Name another movie to have a pile of tits.
So he stitches her together, zaps her full of electricity, all that, and brings her to life.
She now has bluish-purple hair for some reason. He tries talking to her,
but because she's made of hooker parts, all she can say is, 'Need some company?' 'Looking for some action?' 'got any money?'
She escapes the garage and gets loose in New York City. She's staggering around in the alleyways saying 'Want a date?'
And somebody does take her up on the offer.
Oh man, the ending. I won't even try to explain.
It needs to be seen to be believed. The whole concept is as ridiculous as it sounds.
But considering that, it's surprisingly well-made. Everything from the production design to the acting is all in tune with one another,
creating a sleazy world with a consistent tone.
The makeshift labratory looks just like something somebody could have actually made out of scraps, and all kinds of machinery parts, like an old freezer.
The alleyways and hotel rooms are all littered with filth.
Every wall is covered in writing, and down to every little dirty detail, like an old cigarette machine in the corner.
It's as if the whole film is coated in filth. The actor who plays Jeffrey, James Lorenz,
is perfect for the part.
He's naturally funny without appearing like he's trying to be funny.
Patty Mullin, who plays the Frankehooker, is a little more goofy.
She's always doing this twitch with her face, but it starts to grow on you.
You can tell she must have had a really good sense of humor. The film creates a lot of mixed emotions.
It's disturbing, uncomfortable,
but highly entertaining. And makes you feel dirty for liking it.
