Howard Stern has gotten under a lot of celebrities'
skin, earning him plenty of enemies over the
years.
"Yeah, what do you say, eh?
I'd do anything for ratings, eh?"
Here's a look at all of the celebs who just
can't stand the veteran shock jock.
​Dolly Parton was 'humiliated'
You can't argue that Howard Stern and his
crew have a tremendous gift for rubbing people
the wrong way and often at the most inopportune
of times.
"...potentially more than a million people
would be on the move."
"Would you bang Howard Stern?"
"All right, well…there we go."
Well, you can add country singer Dolly Parton
to the long and illustrious list of celebrities
who simply can't abide the sharp-toothed shock
jock.
Here's what the usually high-spirited "9 to
5" singer had to say in response to a 2008
segment on The Howard Stern Show that spliced
and rearranged snippets of an audio book she'd
narrated.
"I have never been so shocked, hurt, and humiliated
in all my life."
During the sleazy segment, Parton's words
were painstakingly reshuffled into a pronouncedly
perverted monologue that made it sound like
the music legend was spewing ridiculously
racist remarks and alternately having some
sort of carnal meltdown.
"Dolly Parton is mad and threatening a lawsuit
against shock jock Howard Stern."
Our strident moral code prevents us from sharing
most of the segment with you, but if you simply
can't resist, the whole thing can be found
easily enough online.
"The section about Linda Ronstadt is the least
offensive part."
"Linda Ronstadt is a really fat, tubby piece
of s---."
Billboard reported that the usually unflappable
Parton was furious enough to issue a statement
about Stern's unseemly schtick, writing that
she simply couldn't believe what he'd cooked
up.
"If there was ever going to be a lawsuit,
it's going to be over this…I am completely
devastated by this."
Of course, Stern didn't immediately drop everything
to get down on his knees and beg forgiveness.
As The Boot reports, he shrugged off the controversy
in a subsequent episode of his show, stating
that:
"It's obviously parody and it's funny as hell."
As for Pardon's lawsuit, Stern said he really
didn't think Parton had any sort of, quote,
"actionable case, but bring it on."
Sam Smith "can't believe" it
Talk about a mixed message.
During a 2015 broadcast of his radio show,
Howard Stern called pop star Sam Smith the,
quote, "male Adele," and claimed he loved
the performer…but Stern evidently wasn't
quite so keen on the Grammy winner's physical
appearance.
According to Us Weekly, the cringe-fest began
when Stern said:
"You know what I like about the guy?
He's an ugly motherf---er.
He's fat."
Well, it's certainly a roundabout way to express
your fandom, isn't it?
And Stern was apparently just getting started:
"I like that he's chubby and gay.
That's why I love him."
As supportive fans rallied behind Smith on
social media, the "Stay with Me" singer struck
back on Twitter, referring to Stern's tirade
in two extremely terse tweets:
"Can't believe what I've just read."
And then, simply:
"Ignore."
Andy Dick's disgusting diatribe
Well, this one is all kinds of terrible.
In August 2011, troubled comedian Andy Dick
hit new depths of depravity during an appearance
on The Greg Fitzsimmons Show.
"I'm trying to poke at him."
"Yeah, I see that."
"I'm mad at him.
He's just, just, I don't think he's a man
of his word."
According to Radar Online, Dick went on a
wildly anti-Semitic diatribe about Howard
Stern because he was reportedly upset that
the shock jock hung up on him when he called
into The Howard Stern Show back in March 2011.
Beyond that, Dick reportedly didn't think
Stern stuck up for him enough when his own
radio show was squashed, complaining that:
"For two years I did the show, never got a
cent."
Beyond calling Stern, quote, "money-grubbing"
and "miserly," everything else Dick said is
pretty much unquotable here.
Stern struck back at Dick on a subsequent
broadcast:
"Well, Andy…Andy's run out of friends."
He also added:
"Stop looking for handouts, you f---ing wacko."
'Slimeburger to the max!'
Shall we play a game?
According to the Chicago Tribune, the 1994
trivia book Sternmania asked readers to guess:
"What intelligent talk-show host called Stern
'a slimeburger to the max?'"
Don't worry: We can definitely answer that
one for you.
According to Howard Stern's official website,
the firestarting shock jock was interviewed
by comedian Arsenio Hall back in the 1980s,
and as you'll see, the segment wasn't exactly
smooth sailing.
In fact, the whole interview was intensely
awkward from start to finish: Here's how Hall
introduced Stern:
"Let's welcome the meanest, nastiest, dirtiest
DJ in the whole wide world, my man, Mr. Howard
Stern."
Well, Stern didn't seem to be particularly
happy about that.
Shortly after sitting down, he asked Hall:
"How's it feel to be part of a failing show?
How long before you get the pink slip?
I mean, what, you're carrying this on you?
You know, Eddie, you are great, man."
Stern claims that he was escorted from the
studio almost immediately after he filmed
the tense segment.
In his bestselling 1993 memoir Private Parts,
he wrote:
"Just because I trashed [Rupert] Murdoch,
the Fox network, and Arsenio was no reason
for me to be thrown out of a building."
In that memoir, Stern also recounts how Hall
ridiculed him on TV a few nights later, in
what Stern called,
"...the lamest monologue ever."
During the bit, Hall reportedly said Stern
is, quote, "the reason why a lotta women are
gay" and referred to him a,
"...a slimeburger to the max."
In case you thought Stern appreciated that
particular sentiment, he makes his feelings
quite plain in Private Parts:
"You call this comedy?
What a monologue!"
Chet Haze will 'hurt' Stern
In 2015, the media was wasting lots of perfectly
good ink on Chester Hanks, son of actor Tom
Hanks.
Performing under the stage name "Chet Haze,"
the entertainer fancies himself an extraordinarily
hardcore rapper, and liberally spews the N-word
on social media under the pretense of championing,
quote, "free speech."
As People reported, Howard Stern routinely
skewers Haze, once inferring that the young
Hanks was,
"...stealing…black culture."
Well, Haze didn't particularly appreciate
Stern's point of view, and promptly struck
back at Stern in a series of now-deleted tweets,
writing:
"...only old people listen to you[.]
The young generation doesn't know you."
According to Radar Online, Stern's mockery
of the wannabe rapper spans as far back as
February 2011, when he sniped:
"And where'd he grow up, Beverly Hills?"
"Yes, you know, that real, you know, gang-infested
neighborhood."
But the animosity reportedly reached a fever
pitch in 2015, after Stern threatened to tweet
Tom Hanks and tell him to cut off his son's
allowance.
"By the way, a lot of people don't know it,
but Tom Hanks lives in Compton."
In turn, Haze threatened to physically attack
Stern in a since-deleted tweet:
"I am going to assault you when I see you.
You can't run from me forever knock knees."
To add to all of this abject terror, Haze
even included a gun emoji in one of those
tweets, apparently indicating that he meant
business.
Very scary and very hardcore business, indeed.
Russell Crowe: 'Bench press' brouhaha
In March 2017, a photo of actor Russell Crowe
began making the rounds.
You see, the photograph in question features
Crowe kicking around a rugby ball while enjoying
a spot of warm weather in Australia.
Judging by the image, it looked like Crowe
might have packed on one or two pounds since
starring in the 2012 thriller L.A Confidential.
Rather predictably, the tabloids had an absolute
field day, with Page Six going so far as to
nickname the Gladiator star,
"Maximus drink-imus."
"But now there's a high profile war of words
playing out on Twitter between two very famous
men."
As multiple outlets reported, Howard Stern
jumped into the fray and called out Crowe's
physique on his radio show:
"Russell Crowe, like this guy, y'know, really
in shape, good-looking guy.
Now he's like a big fatso."
Once Stern's harsh comments were brought to
Crowe's attention by a concerned Twitter follower,
the actor shot Stern down with a taunting
tweet:
"I can bench press young Howard…he cannot
say the same."
After so many people made a fuss about Stern's
coarse comments, the radio host felt inclined
to set the record straight in a subsequent
April broadcast:
"I didn't body-shame Russell Crowe!"
Well, just to be that way, let's go ahead
and give Stern's original commentary another
listen:
"I've met him personally, very nice guy.
But he's big and fat."
Howard Stern vs. Larry King
Back in 2010, veteran talk show host Larry
King used a Steppin' Out profile to air his
many grievances with a certain shock jock
named Howard Stern.
As the New York Daily News reports, King said:
"...he's not tasteful at all…You go to the
least common denominator and that's Howard
Stern."
Elsewhere in the profile, King reportedly
claimed that Stern,
"...would like you to print that I called
him a smock."
We think that King was trying to evoke another
word…but honestly, who the heck knows?
Unfortunately for Stern, most of King's comments
were far less ambiguous:
"I regard Howard Stern as worthless."
Of course, Stern wasn't about to let this
stinging commentary go without making a nasty
comment himself.
He told the New York Daily News:
"He's a frog…an imp…a loser."
Oh, and judging by his response, Stern didn't
get the whole "smock" thing, either:
"Is that something you wear when you paint?"
Stern's tongue-lashing continued when he said
of King:
"...the man had one foot in the grave."
Hey, the high road isn't for everybody.
​Carnie Wilson felt fat-shamed
Stern's alleged fat-shaming wounded pop star
and television personality Carnie Wilson.
According to People, the Wilson Phillips singer
stopped by The Talk in 2017 and revealed her
deeply unpleasant experience on The Howard
Stern Show back in 1999.
"So when I walked in, the producer Gary said,
'Oh, step right over here and wait for Howard.'
Well, I didn't know this but I was stepping
on a scale."
Wilson claims that when she looked down, she
found herself staring at her weight in, quote,
"red, big numbers".
Two-hundred and thirty-three pounds.
"And I was like, 'Oh god,' and all I could
think was, 'Howard, ready to shame me?"
"They purposely did that?"
"They purposely did it."
Wilson says she stuck up for himself during
the appearance, telling Stern:
"You know what, you're really a piece…"
But inside, she was dying.
"It was one of the worst experiences I ever
had, I was so devastated and so embarrassed.
Humiliated really."
Steve Allen wasn't a fan
"I hope he's asleep.
Hello!"
On Oct. 30th, 2000, journalist Jon Kalish
visited the Los Angeles office of Steve Allen,
the late comic and pianist best known as the
creator and original host of Tonight Starring
Steve Allen, which eventually evolved into
The Tonight Show.
As The New York Times reports, Allen dedicated
a large chunk of the interview to lamenting
modern comics.
In his estimation, they were far too dependent
on shock value when it came to administering
the guffaws.
As a chief example of the phenomenon, he focused
a great deal of his ire on Howard Stern.
As the New York Daily News reports, Allen
claimed that the shock jock had,
"...never in his whole life said anything
the least bit witty or philosophically insightful."
He accused Stern of doing nothing but talking,
"...dirty, like some emotionally disturbed
14-year-old, asking women to pull up their
dresses…"
"A genuine TV phenomenon, Steve Allen has
died."
As fate would have it, that happened to be
Allen's very last interview, and his very
last day on Earth.
The veteran funnyman died only a few hours
later, from what was initially suspected to
be a heart attack.
His cause of death eventually proved to be
a ruptured blood vessel, caused by injuries
he'd sustained earlier that day in a minor
car accident.
Jamie Foxx vs. 'Coward Stern'
In 2010, Howard Stern and Jamie Foxx had something
of a SiriusXM smackdown.
According to The Daily Telegraph, the controversy
was fueled by comments Stern made about actress
Gabourey Sidibe.
"And then you go, 'And there's the most enormous
fat black chick I've ever seen, Gabourey Siday?"
"Zid-i-be, or whatever her name is."
"She is enormous, I mean..."
In response to Stern's comments, Foxx took
jabs at the shock jock on his now-defunct
Foxxhole Radio channel, saying:
"I hope that this feud gets us hot, because
Howard hasn't really made a big splash in
a long time."
As The Daily Telegraph reported, Stern struck
back by seemingly insinuating that Foxx was
gay on his radio show.
"I know s--- about Jamie that maybe won't
be so comfortable for him, and there's a lot
of weird s--- about Jamie."
Stern added:
"My guess is we're probably not on the same
team.
I think he's playing for a way different team.
Okay?"
Foxx subsequently took great pains to reassert
his heterosexuality:
"A lot of people say that I'm gay and that
doesn't bother me."
In fact, he bragged about feeling so secure
in his own sexuality that he could safely,
"...eat a pizza in a male shower and not feel
anything."
Last but not least, he offered this zinger:
"I'm not gonna take that, Coward Stern.
I'm not gonna take that from a person who
has chronic gonorrhea."
We're not at all sure who won this particular
battle of wits.
Probably no one.
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