( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICE, NICE.
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: NICE.
HELLO.
>> HELLO.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE REASONS
WHY-- I DON'T, I'VE EVER
INTERVIEWED YOU.
I HAVE.
THAT'S TRUE.
I HAVE NOT INTERVIEWED YOU SINCE
2003.
YOU WERE THE SECOND PERSON I
EVER INTERVIEWED, AND THAT WAS--
>> AT INTERVIEW SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: AND THAT WAS--
THAT WAS--
>> OH, MY GOSH.
>> Stephen: THIS WAS 2003.
I INTERVIEWED YOU ON "THE DAILY
SHOW."
I THINK JON AND HIS LOVELY WIFE,
TRACI, WERE HAVING THEIR FIRST
CHILD.
AND YOU WERE ON THEIR FOR YOUR
ALBUM AND YOU'LL SAY THIS NOT
ME.
>> "SHUT UP YOU (BLEEP) BABY."
FULL CIRCLE MAN.
>> Stephen: YEAH, I CAN QUIT
NOW.
>> STEPHEN, YOU LOOK LIKE A
BABY.
LOOK AT THAT.
>> Stephen: AS DO YOU.
>> LOOK, MY-- AND LOOK HOW I'VE
EVOLVED SARTORIALLY.
I'VE REALLY-- I REALLY HAVE--
UH-- YOU KNOW, WE WORKED VERY
BRIEFLY.
I CAME IN FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS
ON "THE DANA CARVEY" SKETCH
SHOW.
>> Stephen: OH, RIGHT.
WE SHARED AN OFFICE.
IT WAS YOU AND ME AND STEVE.
YOU WERE AT A TABLE OVER THERE,
AND YOU AND--
>> BOB WAS THE ONE WHO, LIKE,
LOBBIED FOR ME TO COME IN.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> BUT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
I'VE ALWAYS REMEMBERED AND IT
MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD-- AND I
DIDN'T REALLY KNOW YOU VERY
WELL-- BUT YOU WERE DOING THIS
NEWS-- YOU HAD SOMETHING
HUWRITTEN.
IT WAS LIKE A NEWS-- GUY WHO IS
READING THE NEWS, NEWSCASTER.
>> Stephen: GENTLE NEWS.
>> I THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I WOULD SAY
HORRIBLE THINGS BUT HOLD UP A
PUPPY.
>> YOU WERE SORT OF WORKING ON
SOME LINES, AND IT WASN'T FOR
THE THING, BUT YOU HAD A STORY
AND YOU WOULD TELL THE STORY,
AND THEN YOU'D GO, "TRUE STORY."
WHICH MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD.
LIKE THE IDEA OF A NEWSCASTER
GOING-- YOU KNOW, GIVING A STORY
THAT'S MUNDANE, WHATEVER
HAPPENED --
>> Stephen: IT WAS A MUDSLIDE
IN PERU TODAY BURIED A VILLAGE.
1500 PEOPLE'S LIVES WERE LOST.
RESCUE WORKERS WERE ARE THE
SCENE.
TRUE STORY.
THAT WAS IT.
>> SO FUNNY.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS IT.
>> YEAH.
MAN, YOU'RE-- YOU'RE STEEL TRAP.
>> Stephen: WELL, OF MY STUFF.
>> DO YOU-- DO YOU REMEMBER
ANYTHING I SAID?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> WHAT?
( LAUGHTER )
WHAT --
>> Stephen: DID YOU WRITE THE
"JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH"
SKETCH?
>> Stephen: NO.
>> THAT WAS SPIKE, THEN.
>> WELL, GREAT.
(BLEEP), GET HIM HERE.
(BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP).
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON.
( LAUGHTER )
LOOK, I-- I REMEMBER-- I WAS-- I
WAS INTIMIDATED BY YOU BACK
THEN.
I WAS INTIMIDATED BY YOU,
BECAUSE YOU AND BOB, AND
OBVIOUSLY BOB HAD BEEN ON MAIN
STAGE AT SECOND CITY AND YOU
WERE A FRIEND OF HIS AND YOU
GUYS HAD THIS DEAL FAIR SHOW YOU
WERE GOING TO DO ON "HBO!
" CALLED MR. SHOW.
>> IT'S CALLED HOME BOX OFFICE--
OH, THE SHOW, YES, THE SHOW.
>> Stephen: IF ANYTHING, I
REMEMBER HOPING YOU WOULD THINK
ANYTHING I SAID WAS FUNNY, AND
THE FACT THAT YOU REMEMBERED
SOMETHING I SAID AND THOUGHT IT
WAS FUNNY MEANS A LOT TO ME.
AND I WANT TO SAY EVERYTHING I
HAVE SEEN YOU DO, WITH THE
EXCEPTION OF THE GUY IN "MEN IN
BLACK" WAS REALLY FUNNY.
( LAUGHTER )
EVERYTHING ELSE WAS FUNNY.
EVERYTHING.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
( APPLAUSE )
>> ALL RIGHT.
WOOO!
>> Stephen: GOOD PERFORMANCE,
JUST NOT A COIJ ONE.
>> RIGHT, WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT
I WAS GOING FOR.
>> Stephen: NO.
NOW, YOU ARE AWARE THAT THERE IS
A YOUNG WOMAN UNDER MY DESK REET
NOW.
ARE YOU AWARE OF THIS?
>> LITERALLY OR FIGURATIVELY.
HOW ARE YOU?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: AND PART OF-- ONE
OF THE THINGS THAT SHE WON WITH
THIS RAFFLE WAS THE ABILITY TO
ASK A GUEST ONE QUESTION.
AND SHE HAS A QUESTION FOR YOU.
ARE YOU OKAY TO RECEIVE IT?
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: RACHEL, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO-- RACHEL ULMER,
EVERYBODY, ONE MORE TIME.
RACHEL.
>> HI, RACHEL.
>> Stephen: NOW, RACHEL--
>> THAT CAN'T BE COMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: RACHEL, DAVID,
DAVID, RACHEL.
>> HI.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
IS IT TRUE YOU MADE A CAMEO IN
"AVENGERS:INFINITE WAR."
>> INTERESTING.
YES, SORT OF.
THE CHARACTER OF TOBIAS FUNKE,
THAT PERSON.
>> Stephen: THIS IS TOBIAS AS
ONE OF HIS INCARNATIONS THERE AS
A MEMBER OF BLUE MAN.
>> SHOWS UP IN A-- I CAN'T
REMEMBER-- CLOROX --
>> Stephen: THE COLLECTORS.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT-- I DON'T
WATCH-- I HAVEN'T SEEN-- BUT,
ANYWAY, YEAH, HE SHOWS UP IN ONE
OF THE THINGS.
>> Stephen: HE SHOWS UP IN THE
COLLECTORS.
THERE HE IS IN THE BACKGROUND
RIGHT THERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, RACHEL.
>> SO IT'S KIND OF A YES AND NO.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, RACHEL.
RACHEL, EVERYBODY.
( APPLAUSE )
LET'S FIND OUT.
LET'S FIND OUT.
OH, DAVID, IT'S ALWAYS A
PLEASURE.
IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE.
I WISH WE COULD JUST KEEP
TALKING.
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU, MAN.
>> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS GOOD
TO SEE YOU.
>> I CAN-- CAN I MENTION MY
STAND-UP TOUR.
>> Stephen: OH, OF COURSE, OF
COURSE.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DAVID,
PLEASE.
>> I JUST WANTED TO MENTION THAT
I'M STARTING A-- AN
INTERNATIONAL STAND-UP TOUR.
IT WILL START JUNE 1 AT THE
CHICAGO THEATER IN CHICAGO.
IT WILL BE IN CANADA, THEN
EUROPE, THEN BACK TO AMERICA,
ENDING UP IN MID-NOVEMBER.
SO PLEASE CHECK ME OUT IN YOUR
LOCAL PLACE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: HILARIOUSLY FUNNY
MAN.
"ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT" RETURNS
TO NETFLIX NEXT TUESDAY
AND TICKETS FOR HIS "OH COME ON"
COMEDY TOUR ARE ON SALE NOW.
DAVID CROSS, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY THE KILLS.
