I did some open mike comedy nights in
in New York and it’s great 
because all the white comics
love to complain.
White people complaining is amazing.
India has... Oh, we have problems
but we have a very 
high standard of problems.
It’s a very high standard.
Then it qualifies as a problem.
Because in India, 
‘Oh, you have a cold?’
Wait for one day, it will go.
Or you fractured your leg.
Wait for one month. 
Don’t move it.
It will be fine.
Hey, where is this boy’s head.
What happened? Car accident.
Is the car okay?
That’s when it’s a problem.
When the head is missing. 
It’s a serious problem.
America, it’s awesome.
I think, there’s pollen here.
I’m allergic to pollen.
See this problem, guys.
It’s a huge problem. 
I got to get my medication.
So, I went for the open mikes 
and they were complaining.
You know,
too much population in New York.
I just hate it.
Too many people in New York.
Oh oh.
You call this too many people?
In India, 
there are so may people around
you that sometimes when you are walking, 
you don’t know if you are moving.
It’s just that everyone 
is moving around you.
It’s just like the situation 
where you are in the train.
Is the other train moving 
or is this moving?
It’s one of those...
Thank you guys for the claps.
Thank you.
White guy didn’t clap. Okay.
Fine. I’ll get you, man.
I’ll get you one day.
Okay. I just have to get 
an approval from the white guy.
I just have to get approval.
I’m working on this.
How many first generation Indians
here like you just moved from India?
Yeah. Oh, sweet.
And how many second generation? 
Like,
parents moved here.
Second generation. 
So where?
Sorry?
Just you? What’s your name?
Jyoti.
Fuck, you pronounce 
your name correctly?
You are not second generation.
Jyoti.
Basically the question is – 
white guys or black... Brown?
That’s my question, 
basically.
Brown guy? 
- Yes.
Did family put a gun to your head 
and make you do that or...?
Genuinely you wanted to... 
- Genuinely.
Yeah,
it’s very...
So, in India when
we are in a club 
and try to pick up chicks
because Indian guys are great 
at picking up chicks.
All the women are clapping.
All the guys are like 
he’s not talking about me, bro.
Some loose.
Yeah. It’s already very difficult
being an Indian guy.
Indian women here...
anyway they look amazing in India 
and here they look even more hotter.
Indian guys look worse
in America. 
I don’t know how they manage that?
Which makes me feel good.
Because when 
I am in New York surrounded by such
amazingly beautiful fit white people.
I see that ugly Indian. 
I’m like, oh thank God!
Thank you, man.
Don’t want to be the 
only ugly guy here.
It’s true. Yeah.
Who said that?
This one. He’s saying that from experience. 
- Yeah. Are you guys dating?
We just got married few months back.
You just got married few months back.
Wow. Did you guys meet here?
We met in New York.
Met in New York. 
You guys been living here for a while?
Yeah.
For how long?
4 years. 5 years.
4. You’ve been here for 4 years.
And you’ve been here for 5 years.
You have to catch up 
on the accent buddy.
She’s like 4 years, 5 years.
And you are like 4-5 years.
You have to roll your r’s, bro.
You have to get...
Do you do the switch
from talking to each other 
in Indian English accent
and then the waiter comes 
and ‘I would like a grape.
I would like a water. Great.’
So anyway I was like ‘Bro, 
what are you doing?’
I love watching that switch.
It’s my favorite switch.
It is great.
Do you do that? 
Do you have a switch?
Pat down yet.
She just orders and I get the...
Oh, she does the...
so you have the switch ready.
Yeah. 
- Can you order something?
I switch between 
the Canadian accent and the...
Wow! You can do 
a Canadian as well?
I can do the can’ts 
and the... Yeah.
Oh, sweet. 
She is ready for back up.
In case it doesn’t work out.
White guy... Canadian... American 
I can manage.
But very nice, 
you guys got married. Very nice.
You got married here?
Delhi, Bombay, Kuwait. 
Too many events.
What the fuck.
Wow. Either you guys are super rich.
Her family is from Delhi.
My family is from Bombay.
And...
Kuwait was on the way, so...
Might as well 
get married there also.
