-Hey, everyone.
It's the end of the week,
and that's usually when I
catch up with
some personal stuff.
You know, I check my in-box
and return some e-mails
and, of course, I write out
some thank-you notes.
And I running a bit behind,
so I thought,
if you guys wouldn't mind,
I'd like to write out
my weekly thank-you notes
right now.
Is that cool with you guys?
Alright, James, can I get some
thank-you-note-writing
music, please?
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you, Pete Buttigieg
and the DNC Roll Call,
for looking like
a greeter at Space Walmart.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, towns where
mailboxes were taken away,
for being like the start of
a more boring "Footloose."
"I just got to mail
this package!"
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Space Jam uniform,
for looking like if
LaCroix Pamplemousse
sponsored a basketball team.
[ French accent ] Pamplemousse.
-Yeah.
-Is it Pamplemousse?
Pamplemousse.
-That's how you'd say it?
-Yeah.
Oui. LaCroix Pamplemousse.
-No.
-Yeah.
-No.
-Grapefruit?
-Pample-mouse.
[ Laughter ]
-Pimple-mouse?
-Yeah, pample-mouse.
-[ Normal voice ] Using that
Pample-mouse, dude.
Come on. Let me get a double.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, 2020, where even
Goodyear is having a bad year.
-Ah!
[ Soft music playing ]
-Thank you, topping off
my car's gas tank,
for being my way of saying
I'm not satisfied
until a little bit of
highly flammable fuel
is trickling out of this
giant metal machine.
Keep me --
Keep a little edge to me.
And, finally...
[ Soft music playing ]
...thank you, marbles, for being
rocks that just dropped acid.
There you have it, everybody.
Those are my thank-you notes.
