I've had too many CIS woman throw fake ass
complements at me and then have an issue when
their man wants to F me.
Hey guys, it's Kat and It's time for another
episode of True Tea.
I wanted to thank you guys for joining me
for this episode.
Clearly we are in the same setup as we were
last week.
I will apologize for that because a lot of
you guys did tell me you do prefer the two
camera set up and so do I, but this was one
of those nights where I was just a little
too lazy to reset everything, but we will
be back to the regular set up next week.
Now before we jump into this video, I wanted
to thank everybody who came to my UCLA talk.
I really appreciate it.
Um, UCLA as a college that I have, you know,
really dreamed of a lot, you know, when I
was younger growing up in Los Angeles and
so I really, it was an honor to speak to you
guys about sex.
You guys learned way too much about my sex
life?
But I want to think all the students who came
out and said hi and you know, enjoyed a True
Tea live.
I do True Tea live.
Um, you know, where I answer people's questions
and I just jumped into, you know, different
topics.
Whatever you guys want me to talk about.
So if you're ever interested in bringing me
to your college, feel free to hit me up.
I have my agents email in the description
box below.
Um, so yeah, we are going to be talking about
something.
I'm sort of fun in this video.
I don't know if it's fun.
It's probably not fun at all.
It's probably terrible.
But anyway, I do highly suggest that you go
to your kitchen and you grab yourself some
teeth.
Personally, I'm not drinking tea.
I am drinking a cab, start drinking red wine
just so I can go to the bartender and be like,
can I get a cab i need a cab [inaudible mouth
noises] and actually I bought a bunch of different,
um, red wines because I want to be a wine
snob.
I am not yet, but I really want to be able
to be one.
I want to be able to, you know, act like I
know something about wine, you know.
Anyway, we're going to be having a conversation
again about polyamory.
I promise that there are more things that
happened in my life than dating.
I promised that I have more to talk about
than just polyamory and dating and all these
other things.
You guys, you guys know that you can always
give me a suggestion for a topic in the comment
box.
You know, I love reading those.
Obviously in True Tea we try to keep away
from politics because that's theoretically
the meat of my channel is politics.
So this is more personal.
Um, but you know, if you guys ever want me
to talk about something, I'm always, always
open to talking about it.
Um, but this is gonna be a conversation that,
you know, I, I want to share it because you
know, the thing is a lot.
You guys have left really great comments on,
uh, you know, when I make videos about polyamory
because you're also going through, you're
figuring out phase and polyamory and I guess
I wanted to make this video just for those
of you guys who are there still those you
guys who, you know, you're still figuring
out where you stand because this is something
that I do think some people need to be aware
of, especially if you are like me before you
enter into polyamory.
Right?
Um, so as I've discussed in, in, in, in the
previous videos that I've made, I am in a
polyamorous community right now.
When I say that, I will make it clear that
the polyamorous community that I participate
in is honestly one that is very newbie friendly,
which means that even though there are deeper
levels to the polyamorous community with people
who have truly figured out that they're polyamorous
and they lived this way and they've got their,
yeah.
A lot of the people that are in this particular
community are people who are still really
sorting through their polyamorous stuff.
And I think most polyamorous people you meet
will still be figuring their stuff out because,
and this is another video, we can talk about
this in another video, but I kind of have
this, this opinion that I think most people
who call themselves polyamorous are not ultimately
because I believe the polyamory requires a
degree of confidence and security that most
people just do not have.
Um, and so there are people that are polyamorous
for season, which is another video we can
talk about.
And then there are people who they recognize
that this is a central part of the way that
they navigate the world, which is definitely
where I sit.
Right.
Um, so I made a lot of people who are a coupled,
I mean a lot of people who have clear hierarchies
in their relationships.
And this, I guess it's kind of a good, you
know, companion to my last video because this,
yeah.
So I'll tell you guys a little bit of a story.
An ikkle bit of a storry.
I think I was two, Two v two sir.
I'm sorry that I did that terrible accent.
I do.
I'll tell you, I'm a little drunk.
I'm not drunk.
I'm buzz.
Don't judge me.
Look, mommy needs her special juice.
You know, I'm going to talk to you guys about
something that I've noticed now.
I'm, I know this might shock some people,
but even though I've got a youtube channel,
even though you can look me up on Wikipedia,
even though you type in my name and you can
find out basically everything about me, I
don't tell everybody that I'm transgender
when I meet them.
I don't, you know, and that's just something,
there's a whole or the video to talk about
this.
This is something that I don't think is really
that important unless you're trying to F me
Unless you're trying to F me, I genuinely
like do not have,
it's just something that doesn't come up in
my regular conversation.
And on top of that, I also really don't like
to talk about my work.
Right.
Um, but you know, Um, it comes to online dating
right when it comes to me, meaning legal online.
Like if you meet me in person, you know, it
probably will take you weeks to hear him.
He ever reference me being trans, but on dating
websites, I always make it very, very clear
that I am transgender, right?
Because I just don't feel like wasting my
time.
I just, I don't want to waste, I've done the
stealth dating thing.
It wasn't worth it.
I would rather date men who know that I'm
trans and, and, and, and enjoy or are accepting
of me being trans.
Right.
And so, um, I initially connected with this
guy on Tinder.
You already know this story is not gonna end
well because it starts on Tinder.
Um, I initially had connected with this guy
on Tinder and he was cute.
He was from Europe.
You had just moved to Los Angeles and he was
married.
Right.
Um, and so at that point he had very clearly
communicated to me that, you know, he's really
just looking for friends.
Um, and this was me.
I was in a different phase of life back then.
Um, he was thinking he's just looking for
friends.
And I was at this point where I was like,
if you're not looking for a relationship,
I really don't want to talk to you.
Right.
And so we initially had a conversation, um,
and it was like, you know, I'm looking for
friends that I did A. Dot.
I said, well, you know, I mean, I think you're
cute and you seem like a cool person.
But honestly, I just don't really think we're
looking for the same things.
Right?
And so he unmatched from me.
And that was that.
Now what happens on Tinder sometimes as people
delete and make new profiles all the time.
And so somehow some way we ended up getting
matched again.
Now this time around, he did not see in my
profile.
Um, I mean I'd always had in my profile that
I was transgender, but apparently the first
time he had connected with me, he did not
see in my profile that I was transgender.
Right.
And so this time the conversation went a little
bit differently.
You know, suddenly he was open to dating.
Suddenly he was open to a relationship.
Suddenly he was open to some sort of romance.
Right.
And I asked why that was because he had expressed
to me that before he reconnected with me,
he didn't see initially that I was transgender
and my profile.
Right.
Um, and now he did.
And it just seems really fishy to me that
suddenly that knowledge would change his perspective
on the whole thing.
Right?
And so, and so I initially asked him about
this.
He told me, you know, me and my wife, we think
that being trans is very brave.
We think it's very awesome.
And you know, we are just very inspired by
the Trans Community and Trans People.
And so, you know, we would like to have people
like that in our lives.
Now, one thing to learn about me is that I
am the worst at receiving compliments or even
sort of positive praise.
I'm the sort of person who if I look in the
mirror and I think I look cute, that's genuinely
the only thing that matters to me.
You know what someone says both positive and
negative, like really does it influence me
that much?
I mean, unless I want to sleep with them,
that's different.
But generally speaking, you know, it doesn't
really bother me.
Right?
So I know that he was saying that as a, as
a compliment, but the paranoid side of my
mind was like you're bullshitting.
Right.
And so I kind of just said this and I didn't
think that this would be true, but I kind
of just said this.
I said, is your wife comfortable dating me?
Is your wife comfortable with you dating me
because I'm trans?
And she doesn't feel threatened by that.
And really without skipping a beat, he said
yes.
That was exactly the situation.
And so this was a fork in the road.
You know, on one hand I could see this guy
date him and know and know that our relationship
could go somewhere because his wife isn't
threatened.
On the other hand, I could completely reject
this, this whole thing because clearly his
wife is very transphobic.
If her not only trans phobic but uncomfortable
if she feels like him dating a transgender
woman isn't a threat to their relationship,
which by the way, I'm not entering into a
relationship with a married man because I
feel like it threatens, I'm not trying to
threaten anything.
Like I respect your hierarchy that you have.
I'm not trying to, you know, but so like that's
on, that's very insecure energy.
I don't really want it.
I've been on enough dates with men who have
their partner's texting me and messaging.
I don't need it, you know, or in messaging
them rather, um, don't want it.
Don't really want it.
It's not, we're not having that energy in
2019.
So I told him, you know what, again, you're
cute.
Um, but I can't, I don't want to put myself
in that situation.
Right.
And so that same night I was going to this
polyamorous party and this was, this is kind
of a community that's a little separated from
the community that I'm part of.
I mean this was definitely a community that
was a little bit more further along.
This is a polyamorous house that throws, these
great, huge parties.
Um, if you're in La, you probably know what
I'm talking about, but we will not mention
places and spaces here cause it doesn't really
matter.
Um, but this is basically a very hippy dippy
free love space.
And I really love being in, right?
And so this was around Halloween, right?
And I go and I'm in a nymph outfit, which
basically consisted of me being naked with
a floral crown... that was my outfit was just
be naked with a floral crown.
Lots of work went into that.
Um, and so I'm walking around the party, I'm
like getting drinks in me.
I'm just having a good time, very like free
with the world and whatever.
And this guy walks into the room and he points
at me.
I'm like, I'm like putting my liquor down
with a bartender.
And he points at me and he's like, ha ha.
Just like loud, obnoxious, scary laughter.
And it was such an awkward moment because
literally everyone in the room went silent.
It was just me with my wine, because of course
it was wine.
I'm holding it and looking, I haven't been
just ha, and they didn't know who it was.
It was like, well, what does this, is this
random ass a person like laughing at me?
Weird.
Right?
And honestly, sometimes when I have situations
like that, it's, it's complicated because
even though I swear to God, I'm a you tuber,
okay, I still like to move through the world.
Like nobody knows who I am.
I don't like to tell people that I'm a youtuber.
I don't like to make that the thing that I
expressed to people.
So genuinely I thought, okay, well maybe he's
a fan or maybe he's a hater.
Who Cares?
I'm naked, let's party.
Right?
And so, um, I kind of go on with the day,
right?
And so at some point we're in a pool, a clothing
optional pool, and I see that guy and I look
a little closer at him and I recognize that
he is the same guy that I yelled at earlier
in the night on Tinder.
And it was a really awkward situation because
we were both naked.
And to be honest, he was hot, he was hot.
He like tattoos and piercings and like
there are other areas that were quite nice
about him.
And I'm at this party and I'm just feeling
my full like nymph fantasy, you know, I've
got these big flowers in my hair.
I'm just naked.
It's all about free love man.
You know, like I'm just very that I'm just
very, very that and like he came over to talk
to me and I was like, I talked to you earlier
on Tinder, right?
And it was just this weird, I'm sure you guys
have experienced this, I've very infrequently
truly experienced this with someone where
you have this like chemical thing that when
you connect it's, I mean there's another conversation,
but my one of my friends tells me that I'm
attracted to narcissists.
There's this thing, sometimes it happens when
I not sometimes very infrequently happens
when I connect with people who,
I don't know how to describe it, but like
it's bad news.
Like everything about this as bad, bad news,
bad Joe.
Joe shouldn't happen.
This is not a good idea.
But there's this like chemical thing that
happens where it's like, oh wow, I like really
want you to compliment my life in some way.
I don't know what way that would be, but I
really want you to compliment life.
And so we ended up having that thing and he
felt it too.
And we ended up having for a little bit of
time this like really intense thing.
Um, but at the end of the day his partner
was still transphobic and she did not really
like that we were seeing each other ultimately.
So we stopped seeing each other.
Um, and that was really upsetting for me because
I liked this guy, right?
But his partner needed to feel like she was
right here.
Going back to the hierarchy thing, she needs
to feel like he was right here.
And me spending even a little bit of time
with her, even though she was out there doing
all types of polyamory things.
I mean, we went to a party, an adult party
where she was there with her partner and then
one of my partners was playing with her and
then like she just had everything.
But if he did anything, it was a big issue.
Right.
Um, and so anyway, um, that was one of those
situations, right?
Another situation I've had was I was dating
this guy, well, let me walk this back.
I hope he doesn't see those video.
Actually, I don't know if I would call what
we were doing dating.
This is guy I met at the goth club.
I liked him.
He was cute, but he gave me very submissive
energy.
And the, one of the issues I have, and maybe
this is going to be another video we can talk
about, is that people tend to read me as very
dominant, right?
They think that I am going to, you know, spank
you on your ass and you know, enjoy being
called Mommy, which is the complete opposite
of who I am.
I'm a very submissive person when it comes
to intimacy and sex, right?
Socially, not so much, but when it comes to
intimacy and sex, I very much am a submissive
person.
Um, and he gave me that vibe and I just wasn't
really attracted to it.
Um, and you know, honestly, he was a cute
guy and we had a lot in common and we hung
out a bunch of times, but I wasn't really
feeling anything there.
You know, I wasn't truly feeling like we could
be anything.
And his situation was that he was in a relationship,
well, he isn't, is still in a relationship
with a woman who is fairly dominant and their
dynamic was very much, they would go to parties
and she would flirt with people and he would
really enjoy seeing her get, get talked up
and flirted with and things like that.
Like he was really into that, but he wasn't
necessarily doing his thing right.
It was another one of those situations where
she was out there doing whatever, but he wasn't
really doing much of anything.
Right.
And so I get invited to these screenings all
the time and I actually got invited to this
prescreening of Alitta battle angel, which
was so good by the way.
I really enjoyed it.
And I went, I invited him because he wants
to see the movie and we were really, we were
good friends and it just, you know, seemed
like a good idea.
Right?
And so we go to this movie screening, we both
really enjoyed the movie and there's an after
party and we get, you know, some coktails
in us and as we just start talking or whatever,
and
I thought he was a submissive man, but like,
let's just say he's not,
let's just say that he's not, let's just say
that he was not very submissive and that we
had sex and it was good sex.
Um, that's the next day.
The next day he texted me, his partner is
freaking out.
You know, she's been doing whatever with whoever,
but he has sex with me and it's a big deal
to the point.
And this is where it gets bad.
To the point where she takes him to go get
tested and she puts him on prep and prep.
For those of you guys who don't know, is this,
um, HIV preventative on pill that you take?
Right.
And it's generally given to people who have
sex with men or d fab people, right?
It's not usually something that's prescribed
to people who have sex with defab people.
It's usually something that is given the people
who, who have sex with dmab people.
Right.
And so while on one hand I'm like, Hey, you
know, prep is great.
You should be on prep.
What?
Anyway, whatever it also felt deeply discussing
and transphobic that she put him on prep because
he F'd a trans girl.
Like, and that's something that to this day
really Fs with me because to hurt to r two
when we're in each other's face, you know,
she's always really positive and she's always
complimenting me.
And you know, honestly, like I, I talked about
in the previous videos, but I'm really bad
at receiving compliments I'm the worst, and
it's, it's for a lot of reasons it's because
I've had too many cis woman throw fake ass
compliments at me and then have an issue when
their man wants to F me.
And then I've also dealt with men who just
know that trans women are very insecure and
need, need to compliment trans woman because
they know that it's what they want.
They know that they want positive affirmation
and so they will go out of their way to give
positive affirmation to a trans girl.
Right?
I've had that experience and it is not great.
It's not great.
And so I don't trust a lot of compliments.
And this was one of those things like you're
always giving me my tens.
You're always telling me that I'm cute, you're
always telling me that I'm sexy, but when
your man Fs me, you got to put him on an HIV
preventative pill.
And it's not to say that, that there's anything
wrong with that, but you know, if it was really
about him being clean, if it was really about
him, you know, maintaining, you know, his
good health when it came to HIV, he would
be on it before, not after he had sex with
me.
And so it was just this really shitty thing
where I recognize that, you know, a lot of
cis women are totally fine with me up to the
point where I fuck their man and then it becomes
this issue.
Then it becomes as big thing.
And I just, in the poly community, it's weird
because I have all these men who do want to
have relationships with me who do have interest
in me, but they are sort of limited by their,
the, the, the issues, you know, for or against
that their, that their cis partner has.
And frankly, I don't want to date a man whose
partner is comfortable with them dating me
because I'm a trans girl.
I don't want, you know, I, I really, you know,
I've got a big issue with what we would call
in the poly community, the one penis policy.
And I guess this is an inverse, sort of have
the situation where it's a one pussy policy,
right?
Where you've got these people who are old,
who are okay with you being as polyamorous
as you possibly can be, as long as it's not
with someone who's like them, you know, you
could take D but just not from someone you
know, other than me.
You know, it's disgusting.
It's really gross.
And to me it feels functionally very monogamous,
but hey, to each their own, live your life
you like it you like it.
I love that.
Um, but yeah, I wanted to share those experiences
with you guys because you know, I look, I
will say this, I complain a lot about polyamory,
but polyamory is definitely a net positive
for me.
Let me know if you guys want like a positive
polyamory video because I have a lot of positive
things to say about it, right?
But the thing is, is like this is something
I have, I've had to navigate around is you
know, women, cis women feeling some way about
their partner being with me.
And it sucks because that really shouldn't
enter the equation.
You know, I'm not ever entering into a relationship
thinking I'm going to negatively impact this.
Really anyone's, you know, marriage or partnership.
That's not who I am as a person.
Right?
But I do frequently experience this sort of
thing where people have an opinion, they have
an opinion about whether or not their partner
should be with me because of my gender and
it's really gross to me.
If your partner wants to be with me, you should
be with me anyway.
Let me drink this wine and close out.
On that note, I would love to hear from either
trans people or people who are dating people
who, like for example, I know a lot of people
who are, you know, a lot of women for example,
who are dating the female half of a married
couple, right?
And the male couple feels comfortable with
her dating, you know her because it's a lesbian
relationship or you know, it's a girl on girl
sort of thing and it's not like a gut guy
entering situation.
I'm really curious to hear from people who
are in either side of that conversation because
it's something I don't really get.
You know, for me, the, the, the, the positive
thing about polyamory is that we can explore
different types of people who make us happy.
You know, we can be with people who, um, you
know, add certain things to our life.
And I don't think the addition of things where
life takes away from, from other things in
our life, but unfortunately the way that a
lot of people react to a lot of people who
date people that maybe are not out, who are
outside of what they could do for their partner
is, you know, they have a lot of these negative
reaction.
It's just, and it's, to me, it's not like
I would not want to date someone.
I would not want to limit the opportunities
and the person I'm dating, I would not want
to, you know, say you can't date that girl
cause she's a girl and you know, I only want
you to date me.
It's like I don't, I wouldn't do that.
To me that's not the same as polyamory.
But I'm curious to hear how any of you guys
who are polyamorous have ever felt about this
stuff because for me it is a really frustrating
position to be in.
So anyway, I've ranted way too much in this
video.
We have talked about this for way too long.
I again I would love your True Teaso giving
in the comment box below, I will be tagging
whoever leaves my favorite comments.
So if you are interested, leave a good fun
conversation starter in the comment box below.
Anyway, I'm going to go, I finished off this
glass of wine and I want to get another so
I will talk to you that's next week.
I think you guys should stick around if you
guys enjoyed this video.
We have a lot of different types of fun videos
on this channel.
Um, right now you guys are looking at some
two, two fun True Tea videos that you can
watch.
So I highly encourage you to continue and
pour yourself another glass of tea.
I'll talk to you guys next week.
Bye.
