so as you guys know the future is now is
my brand new tour and it has launched
it's begun and it launched from Beirut
which was incredible we finished a
record-breaking six show run and that's
over 7,000 people this summer and while
I was sad to see the shows go I did see
a recent clip for Dave Chappelle from
his last special and in this clip he sat
and had kinda like a Q&A with the crowd
after the show finished and I thought
why don't I do the same thing so
obviously credit goes to him for the
idea and it was a lot of fun on the
final show on September 5 I told the
crowd that if they have anything they
want to ask me they could go ahead and
well here it is
this is the entire exchange I want you
guys to enjoy it I'm on tour now I
launched it from Beirut 'The Future is
NOW!' my brand new show and I can't wait
for the entire world to see it's gonna
be the biggest world tour yet look in
the description below for all the dates
and always keep checking because I'm
gonna keep updating it when we add new
dates there's so much more that's going
to be added and of course NEMRCOMEDY.COM to get your tickets and you know
this week I'm going to Cleveland after
that Oxnard, Los Angeles,
New Jersey, Washington DC, Kuwait, Dubai, Oman
like there's so many dates so please if
you have any friends or family in these
places let them know and get your
tickets and enjoy the video / Goodnight everybody
take care thank you, thank you so much
actually I'm gonna do something I
thought we talked about this backstage I
wasn't sure I was gonna do it it is the
last show and I am actually kind of sad
because this has been the most fun I've
ever had doing shows in my life ever
anywhere that I've been and so I know
some of you have babysitters I know some
of you have commitments so if anybody
needs to leave feel free to leave that's
totally cool
for real like that's not a problem
show's over but I thought we could do
something cool for those who want to
stay and I don't want to go I'm thinking
I'll pull up a chair and for like the
next 10-15 minutes you guys can ask me
anything you want about anything it can
be very personal
it can be very non personal you can ask
whatever you want and I will answer
whatever you ask me 100% could be very
funny could get very emotional we might
sing Kumbaya by the end of it we might
all start crying nobody knows it could
be the most funny thing we've ever done
I have no idea we'll keep it spontaneous
I'll just pick random people who put
their hands up and we could have some
fun so does anybody want to do that is
anybody up for that we have anyone okay
I'm gonna pull up a chair if you guys
anybody who wants to leave feel free to
bounce I don't want to keep you if you have
to go do we have a chair over here? Is there a chair? Let me grab this chair, thank you man this is you know your dual job as a camera guy amazing
wow did everybody stay? is that... okay! Thank you we didn't do this in any other show so you know I'm only teaching you 
 that it pays to wait to buy your tickets
I don't know this is a smart move for me
or not whatsoever well you give me a
second light you want me in stereo to
the people oh we can they can you speak
up yeah because what if somebody at the
top asks you're not athletic enough it's
not gonna happen
that's my best friend Eddie so anybody
want to ask me anything can be about
anything put your hand in the sky Jesus
yes
what would you was that you who screamed
like a dying goat you sir are you French
educated is that our one time this is
what USJ students sound like after many
years yes sir
oh it was you I'm so sorry do you mind
sir ladies first of that thank you
you're right yes ma'am I'm doing great
thank you very much
what series do i watch well see the
thing on pornhub is it's not really a
series it's it's more episode like it's
more of a contain episode the Mia
Khalifa files have been especially
intriguing my favorite the last series I
watched I know you guys are gonna hate
me for this was Breaking Bad which I the
best series ever made and if any of you
here are the people who say I couldn't
get past the first episode or two there
are a lot of people who say that fuck
you you suck does that answer your
president I love you too but I mean ever
since we had the baby together you've
been distant
and and it's just rude you know I
I I've been taking care of them and you
don't even want to see him so I you know
whatever sir did I get inspired by Dave
Chappelle for doing this the sitting
thing yes from his new special sticks
and stones did you watch it it's
fantastic isn't it it's awesome you guys
haven't seen it it's on Netflix it's
awesome it's really really good Dave
Chappelle has inspired a lot I've stolen
most of his materials but yeah who said
yo yes sir
who said I hate French's I don't I
admire them do you know how difficult it
is as a man to be a woman
it's coming out better than the Silvia I
admire French people my father was
French educated and if we hadn't left to
America in 1985 I would have been a
Shanthi the student sorry I just I'm so
sorry yes yes when he switched coming
back on tomorrow Saturday Thank You Man
me and you the only two people who are
virgins which is fantastic
nobody Americans like glitch does he
have another this is the sort of it
what's happening are you coming to ask
you something that's impressive I admire
your your gaucho Wesley I will I will
repeat his question what's my upcoming
plans regarding okay great questions so
future streams for those of you who
don't know what twitches and streams
we're not talking about urination this
twitch is an incredible platform that
really is the future and it's basically
you've probably seen people playing
video games and then they show you what
the game is I take it a bit further than
that where I make it a comedy show so we
stream every day and I'm basically doing
characters and impersonations like oh
you're playing God of War if you saw the
God of War clip that I put here with the
guy who looked like Kratos and I said
boy we actually programmed the boy
counter every time I say boy and I ruin
all the emotional moments none of this
matters to you but it's a lot of fun
trust me
plans for future streams we're gonna
keep the gaming we're adding in my best
friend George who now moved to LA which
is why we were on hiatus and we're
adding him gaming the dual we're also
gonna have celebrity guests comedians
and everything that are out in America
and I'm gonna be doing music streams
which I've never done before it has
actually played a lot of diesel so it's
gonna be a lot of fun and just talking
streams and in real life
gonna become a lot more active so
hopefully that answers your question
Thank You Patrick
any movies coming soon I don't know are
you still with box no no movies then
only if you're only if it's with you
Patrick
stood by me in a very difficult time
when I released my first movie epic he
used to be the manager at Vaux that's
how we met and I didn't know him prior
and he actually allowed me 24/7 access
to all the Vox cinemas for a week before
the movie premiered because I paid a
Lebanese company to do the color grading
and the sound and they did such a
terrible job that in that week I used
their cinemas and learned how to color
great it to do sound and I ended up
mastering the audio in the color for
epic myself and I couldn't have done it
without it so thank you yes ma'am
do I need my belt you honestly when I
took the belt off I was like this was a
very bad decision so halfway through the
show I don't know if you noticed like
most of the show my wife my stance
widened I started walking a bit wider
because I've lost a bit of weight
recently so the pants that used to be
tight are a bit loose and yeah so that
answers your question I do need the belt
it was very difficult but you know
French
educated men have it much more difficult
in life so do you know why French
educated men are women do you know the
reason have you ever bought nuts from
how to be fairy at the airport do you
know what they ask you these are the
Suffa and you say yeah and they put it
in a machine and it goes and it sucks
the nuts
that's what being French is like one
when you put on French jeans because
they're unisex they're for men and women
but they design them for women not for
men so you put them on that is just and
they go so it's very difficult yes ma'am
well I come to Vienna Austria will you
pay for my ticket and the show is
expenses because I think you're the only
person who knows me they're your friends
all of about fucking coming let's go how
many friends do we have a hundred
friends what are you some kind of sluts
not kidding
I'm joking I apologize profusely your
man doesn't look French I'm afraid son
are you her man sir how long have you
guys been together two years and are you
Lebanese where are you from
you're from Vienna and you man from
Vienna are you okay what are you doing
here is everything all right
oh they're your friends and you brought
them to my show man thanks so much
are you Lebanese okay good I could tell
immediately cause of a beard I know but
they don't know that sorry we're having
a moment we've had sex before so it's
subjective in Riga we saw each other I
you know his beard was beautiful and we
made love then it was it was an our
beards got stuck we were like yes ma'am
I'm so sorry I can't hear a word you're
saying what was that can you have your
picture I'll take my picture after the
if you come up on stage and then I can't
say then the other and then right after
I'll come to you and anyone else that
I'm not seeing yet so sir
my favorite international comedian
living or dead and Lebanese comedian
Lebanese comedian is right here 9 and
that dunno they're sitting right there
that's a very interesting not even
making that up how many of you here grew
up on asaji like for real
also they have a new show that they just
launched online on Instagram and
Facebook
it's called nine one our owner to go and
check it out cuz it's hilarious and it's
great man I said she was the best was
the better we used to every Tuesday it
was Tuesday right below toca the next
day all everybody would talk about was
us as she in the sketches
it was unbelievable and your characters
that some of the one of my favorite
characters is I mean I mean it was AI
mean I mean I used to do the damage to
do so so you could used to keep saying
because it did that was in Greece
unbelievable
under the most original fucking
characters the first I came to Lebanon
in 1992 I'm watching TV
I don't understand any Arabic a TV show
pops up not a dual is running on this is
one
Robin Hood Men in Tights the movie had
come out Natalie is running I never
forget this I was 11 natella is running
from the villain the villain was I
believe 9 and she starts screaming she
goes they me they I'm not making this up
late and then I think I can't remember
who was making somebody else I am or
somebody goes mother who know me who
those save me and I was like this is the
greatest thing I've ever received bike
life it was so random then if you
remember Robin Hood Men in Tights they
would shoot the arrow and the camera
would follow the arrow so they did the
same thing the guy shoots the arrow and
clearly it's a guy with a camera in the
arrow he's just holding it and he's
walking with the camera on the thing and
did that I am out of the saladna a
little mobile gives up laughs it was the
best fucking thing that was the first
clip I ever saw for us so shout out to
them they're amazing and my favorite
international yeah favorite
international Dave Chappelle I steal my
material from Dave as know my favorite
international comedian biggest influence
on me who passed away is a comedian
called Bill Hicks and my favorite
comedian who's is incredible highly
recommended who I think is living today
my favorite who always delivers is Bill
burr I have nothing for guys called
Billy's just it's just a coincidence so
yeah yes sir oh well he's walking all
the way up this guy very determined this
better be good been putting a lot of
pressure on yourself you have to come
forward that's what she said all right
it's an interesting position so how much
material okay Wow okay so how much
material I picked up in Lebanon whenever
somebody great question asks me how do I
come up with so many jokes or Lebanese
one family gathering is it career so
when I Drive in this country the amount
of material is amazing some of my most
known sets were the bridge in the middle
of the highway
the girl who you're on the car and she
honks when you have a girlfriend she
honks the horn for you to shout at
somebody if you remember this joke how
many people remember that joke remember
that one she's like she starts honking
you know who would be so lady just like
and I'm a bad hand
Claude Claude and I'm like well hey
Dickie shut up in the Chantal a that she
was labelled became a part of define her
luck and then the guy pulls me over and
she's like yeah lands on that lands on
sulfur reason if I gotta exact I cheated
my dog back and I'm like I could show
you right here you did all of this so
that joke is driving in Lebanon with my
ex-girlfriend
that was actually she used to be like
that would be like an anthology nearby
that I was like Jesus Christ so that
answers that question
when am i coming to Sydney Australia in
2020 I will be going we've been working
on it for a while I actually had to put
it off in 2019 because I got death
threats from Australian Lebanese people
that's a true story there is a Lebanese
Australian guy that many years ago and I
had a production company I did a job for
and he decided not to pay the company so
I sued him with a lawyer so he basically
sent out a death threat for me for going
to Australia so I had to call the rival
Lebanese family that hate him this is
Lebanon this is what it's like to be
Lebanese and you asked me where I get my
material
and turn to turn to him and and they
sent a message and that's them now I'm
going in 2020 I'm apparently safe
whatever he comes at me there's other
Lebanese people who all have a lockni
every Lebanese Australian has a last
meal boo boo boo
and it's like dude go to the doctor for
fuck's sake and they're so hyper
aggressive on testosterone the Lebanese
Austrian the war whoa whoo you could add
my what do you movie that by as I dude
you were standing behind me I didn't
even see you with the phone oh yes yes
why did I break up with my fiancee she
didn't love me I love you too
it's fine look it's let me be very
honest with you how selfish would it be
and how narrow minded would I be when I
have so much love from so many people so
much support so many blessings in my
life I get to do this for a living that
if one person didn't love me I would let
that get to me not in a million years it
was done very easy and she was the Horde
anyway so but I'm such a fan about sex
I'm kidding okay that's a joke or is it
no I'm gonna go that's a joke what's
that these hoes ain't loyal by man
that's an OG fan right there these hoes
ain't loyal
do you guys don't know what we're
talking about buy tickets to my shows
because they're great
Hey there was somebody else no yet one
more here yes what's the most awkward
thing that happened to me in a show in
Dubai I did a show at Atlantis with the
Vita yeah and the drunk Russian pilot
came up while I was onstage the stage
was about this high so I was standing
about this high and he came up and
walked right up to me and tried to grab
my balls
100% true he just walked up and he tried
to but he was too drunk so I just stood
there as he tried to grab at my balls
and I looked at the security who were
just standing and did he do a thing and
then his friends came and took him away
and then after the show the security
came up to me and I thought they were
Russian but the security came up to me
is like shootin thug comida de la hated
clothes and he turned out to be Lebanese
and he thought it was very funny and he
didn't do anything to stop the guy from
grabbing buy tested
that was the most awkward thing would
you like to hear the most embarrassing
story of my life I've never told anyone
this and for any of you who respect me
prepare to lose all of that respect I
was this is a true story why am I saying
this anyways I was seven years old in
San Diego and he would go to school and
after the class would finish they would
you'd have balls to like to play with
like that also sounds wrong like
basketballs and stuff and they would
choose one student who would give the
balls for us to play in recess with that
sounds so bad to play in recess with and
that student would always get to keep a
ball for themselves and I used to be
people didn't really like me in school
because I was always a hyperactive I was
always running around
I had hyperactivity in asthma which is
very bad because you're like and you die
and then you wake up it was a bad
combination
hahaha so I've never got any balls right
and so one day the teacher chooses me to
give the balls out during brain which is
fucking amazing but the thing is I was
about to piss in my pants ten minutes
before she chose me so I had to go to
the bathroom but here was my dilemma do
I go to the bathroom give up the
opportunity of having a ball and perhaps
never see it again or do I try to power
through it like a man so I tried to
power through it I grabbed the ball and
I was like who wants this was me this
was exactly what I was doing because I'm
about to like literally because my bed
looked like who watched who acts about
oh I thought I liked like who the fuck
wants the ball in this very moment I'm
just fucking launching these balls at
these children finally I get the last
ball up and I pick the last final ball
which I'm going to keep for myself and
as I'm holding it in the sky with
everybody looking at me I pissed my
pants then in there with everyone
looking at me
and I ran out into the bathroom and I
stayed there until my mom came with a
change of clothes but I didn't get the
ball so it wasn't all
too bad true story true story yes sir
Mega Man 3 hands-down best game ever
made I can sing the entire soundtrack to
you and I'll get very emotional and you
don't want to see me do that you yes
ma'am you out there a stand-up comedy is
hard how do you how do you power through
to get here Oh drugs not good I don't do
drugs I've never done drugs not once in
my life I don't drink either comedy is
very difficult and it's a craft and
that's why the comedians that were here
on stage I've all had their journeys and
to get to this level is you can't
understand how the but you can't really
understand how difficult the stand-up
comedy is as a craft because it's not
sketch comedy it's not a play you're
talking about things and you're hoping
people like you and they like what they
say what you say I think the only way to
power through it is to do what every
stand-up comic does constantly be
uncomfortable and not care if you don't
do well and usually when you can do that
it helps if you've pissed your pants in
front of a class at the age of six you
don't really have any self value and it
becomes very easy to do this you just
power through and though every time you
bomb on stage is one less time you're
gonna bomb in your lifetime so that
knowledge means that you're getting
closer to never bombing again and that's
why I called my show no bombing in
Beirut because it was a play on words on
that thing there you go all right let's
take two more questions and we'll wrap
it up sir
imitate French people again how many
people know my joke about Duffy make
some noise if you don't know the
caffeine joke oh boy let's end the show
on this side this is my favorite set
ever but I don't do it anymore because I
did it I thought everybody knew it but I
guess I can bring it back now are you
guys ready for this this story involves
three characters Kathy the mandala Kathy
and not bad the latter Dina and I I know
a lot of people are saying no number
it's Lippa trust me lapel doesn't trust
me
I'm flying from Dubai to Lebanon it's
Christmas time the plane is packed it's
packed there's no place on the plane
plane we take off and there's a kid his
name is Kareem and he's sitting next to
him as the manager that Cathy and Amanda
McAfee has with her a Nintendo 3ds an
iPad and a PlayStation Vita for luckily
by the myth he's six I didn't even have
clothes when I was six so I just want to
make this very clear and Kaleem is
sitting in his being the shittiest child
you've ever seen in your life man KJ and
and his mom is just sitting there
related in his morning
she takes out Bennington Nestle and he
slaps them intended by the eyes out of
his mother's and all of us on the plane
were like oh shit
that he was about to get his ass kicked
we got so excited cuz we hate this game
we took out our cameras we started
filming we're like let's fucking go this
is gonna be it but no if this happened
by the way if I had slapped it out of my
mom's hand like that my father would
have killed me like literally there slit
my throat throw me off the plane my mom
didn't like lads does that really like
my name is Eve a total Armand's or and
he would have been done done I might
have six seven brothers and sisters
before me I'll never know but no he
slaps than intended for that so all his
mom's like he slaps the epod out of his
mother's he slaps the Blastoise Jovita
out of his mother's name and at that
moment from the front of the plane lapel
Unitarian like a homosexual phoenix
rises
and turns around and we're like oh shit
that's why a khadeem didn't get his ass
kicked because his dad
it's a packed flight he was sitting in
the front now he's hurt if he's gonna
come and kill his son so he walks over
he noticed a big baby
so the fabula cream Transamerica versus
Tanner honey to Peru toddler pilot Deema
TRG open early on on smaller
which translates into a feline
villainess Ottoman Safavid da beside
about the Lada so his father looks at me
we start having a conversation with our
eyes were just staring at each other and
he's looking at me was like hey man like
don't fucking talk to me that way I'm
like dude you used to be a band once do
you remember many many many many many
many many years ago as a child before
you wore the French jeans used to have
these things to remember them think
remember before justin bieber became
your hero just think hard and remember
and he's like I remember I remember but
can I ever have that power back and and
and I have to fight you now to preserve
my honor and we're having this argument
with our eyes but at that moment he
turns around and he looks like totally
white so his father looks isn't like
okay he looks at me as I came in I'm
like look I'm gonna make you so I said
all the loud voice I was like that's
isn't enough please
so he walks away we give our men's
approval and it's done and that's it the
whole thing people start walking by me
and thanking you like I saved them from
the terrorist situation
but in our in 42 minutes late it begins
again we hear it from the side
Tania AJ and me la paz de la créme turns
right around we go stadium without a
candle Monsieur I was like fuck yeah I
am pretty huge children and that's my
time you're the fucking
everybody thank you so much thank you
very much
