

### The Human Soul:

### Processing Addictions

### By

### Jesus (AJ Miller)

Published by

Divine Truth, Australia at Smashwords

http://www.divinetruth.com/

Copyright 2015 Divine Truth

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

### This ebook is a transcript of a seminar delivered on 22nd May 2010 in Buderim, Australia by Jesus (AJ Miller) from the Human Soul series of talks. In this seminar Jesus describes what emotional and physical addictions are, how they get created within us, the negative affects of addictions in our lives, how to recognise our addictions, and how to work through them and release them.

### Reminder From Jesus & Mary

### Jesus and Mary would like to remind you that any document produced by Divine Truth containing any information from Jesus, Mary or any other person includes only a portion of God's Truth that they have personally discovered.

### It does not and cannot contain the entire of God's Truth since God's Truth is infinite and humankind will forever continue to discover more of God's Truth as we progress in receiving more of God's Love.

### Please remember that due to these limitations information contained within this document may need to be revised in the future.

### Many other ebooks have been published by Divine Truth, including ebooks translated into a variety of different languages.

### Please visit <http://www.Smashwords.com/profile/view/DivineTruth> or www.divinetruth.com for further information.

### Additional sessions on the subject in this book can be found on www.Smashwords.com/profile/view/DivineTruth

### For more information go to:

Divine Truth (www.divinetruth.com)

Divine Truth Channel on YouTube (www.youtube.com/user/WizardShak)

Divine Truth FAQ Channel on YouTube (www.youtube.com/user/divinetruthfaq)

Table of Contents

### Processing Addictions: Part 1

1. Introduction

2. Causal emotions

3. How layers of emotions get created within us

3.1. An example of a child shutting down it's grief due to fear of violence

3.2. Children shut down their emotions to suit their environment

4. How addictions get created

4.1. An example of the financial system and paying for water

4.2. An example of an addiction created by feeling unloved by our mother

4.3. Addictions drive our relationships and interactions with others

4.3.1. Physical addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions

4.4. Expectations and demands upon the environment

5. Negative consequences of addictions

5.1. When our addictions are not met we feel angry or hurt

5.1.1. An example of addictions creating a "honeymoon" period in relationships

5.1.2. An example of a substance addiction

5.2. Expectations and demands upon others are unloving

5.2.1. Addictions cause judgement towards other people and countries

5.3. The importance of dealing with addictions

6. Recognising the extent of our addictions

6.1. Physical addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions (continued)

6.2. Coming to recognise our addictions

6.2.1. We have thousands of addictions within us

6.2.2. When we're at-one with God we have no addictions and always feel happy

6.2.3. Having our addictions met prevents us from seeing them

6.3. Being humble to seeing our addictions

6.4. Physical addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions (continued)

7. Differences between love and addictions

7.1. An example of giving gifts at Christmas time

7.2. Need versus love in relationships

7.3. Need versus longing

7.3.1. Love songs are often about unmet addictions

7.3.2. Our music collection can show us our addictions

8. Examples of addictions

8.1. Dealing with causal emotions eradicates our addictions

8.2. An example of AJ's previous addiction to pandering to angry women

8.3. An example of Mary being afraid to speak truth at her groups

8.4. An example of a participant being in addiction when asking questions

8.5. Many books are written about addictions

9. Addictions with spirits

9.1. An example of a participant struggling to hear the discussion due to spirit influence

9.2. Spirits create tiredness by sucking energy from us

9.3. Identifying our hooks into spirits that create addictions

9.4. How spirits draw energy from us through addictions

9.4.1. An example of a man wanting other men's approval

9.5. Addictions involve compromising ourselves and come with a price

9.6. Spirits can set things up in our lives as part of our co-dependent addictions

10. The Law of Attraction is driven by desire and emotions

10.1. Our addictive desires can drive the Law of Attraction

10.2. An example of a man's Law of Attraction with money and with relationships with women

### Processing Addictions: Part 2

11. Tool 1 for processing addictions: I want to know ALL of my addictions

11.1. An example of a married man sexually projecting at women

11.2. Fear of our shame blocks us from wanting to see our addictions

11.3. Praying to God for assistance with seeing our addictions

12. Receiving Divine Love to the point of at-onement with God

12.1. Blockages such as unworthiness prevent God's Love flowing into our soul

12.2. Developing a pure longing - the example of when AJ met Mary

12.3. As we progress towards at-onement the barrier to receiving God's Love diminishes

13. Recognising the extent of our addictions (continued)

13.1. An example of a female participant's angry father

13.1.1. Recognising our addictions from how we want others to behave

13.1.2. We can avoid our fear by going out of body

14. Tool 2 for processing addictions: List everything that "makes" us angry

15. Tool 3 for processing addictions: Define our expectations

15.1. All expectations are unloving

15.2. Seeing ourselves without judgment or self-punishment

16. Tool 4 for processing addictions: What fear causes the expectation?

16.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night

17. Tool 5 for processing addictions: Be completely truthful about how we feel in the situation

17.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night (continued)

17.2. Feeling through the layers underneath the addiction

17.3. Many addictions are due to false beliefs rather than causal emotions

17.3.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night (continued)

18. Audience questions about addictions

18.1. An example of Mary's addiction to feeling safe

18.2. When we release addictions the associated anger dissipates

18.3. Using anger as our guide to recognising our addictions

18.3.1. An example of a lady being resistive to seeing her emotions

18.4. An example of a lady who is addicted to cooking dinner every night

18.4.1. We can have a distorted view of others through our unhealed emotions

18.5. Taking personal responsibility for ourselves

18.5.1. Teaching children to be self sufficient

19. Closing Words

Processing Addictions: Part 1

1. Introduction

Today the subject that I have chosen is part of the Human Soul series of talks, and I'm calling it "Processing Addictions". Today I'd like to talk to you about not only your addictions but how to actually confront them, and get through them and out of them, which is probably the more important thing to discuss than actually the addictions themselves. A few months ago I did a talk called "The Human Soul - Expectations & Addictions", and today's talk is the second one of that series about expectations and addictions.

So let's look at addictions firstly as a bit of a revision in terms of what an addiction is and what an addiction does to you.

2. Causal emotions

When we're little we have what I've been calling causal emotions, enter us. Now a causal emotion might be something like, "No one loves me," the feeling that no one loves you; "No one cares for me, I'm uncared for, I'm unloved, I'm unwanted, I'm not approved of, and I'm not accepted."

These are all fairly deep causal emotions within us. You could say as an aside that these types of emotions are emotions of how I feel about me.

Most of the really darkest, deepest emotions within us, which we are going to need to process at some point, are related to how I actually feel about myself. If I don't resolve these negative feelings that I have about myself inside of myself I usually finish up projecting onto my environment, how I feel about myself in some way. So in the end a lot of times causal emotions get to how I feel about me; how I deal with the issues that I have within myself about myself. [00:07:19]

Of course, we also have a whole group of emotions related to that, about how we feel about others and how we treat others, but much of how we feel about others and how we treat others comes firstly from how we finish up treating ourselves before we even meet them. And so, for example, if I have a feeling inside of myself that I am unworthy to have money being spent on myself, then part of my Law of Attraction will be to attract a lack of abundance in my life. I am not going to have much personal abundance, I won't have much funds and so as a part of that emotion, because I feel that I can't spend any money on myself, I can't look after myself, I feel unworthy in fact it to be looked after, I'm attracting a lack of abundance in my life.

So that's how I feel about myself, but how does that get projected onto the environment is that when I notice somebody spending a lot of money, I zero in on them, "There's one there, she spends a lot of money. There's another one who I think spends a lot of money." So we go around zeroing in on those people and judging them because we are already in this space ourselves of feeling that, "I'm not allowed to spend money on myself so why should anybody be able to spend any money on themselves." Can you see the relationship? [00:08:46]

So a lot of times I finish up projecting how I feel about myself onto my environment, but the problem with these causal emotions is that they are so dark and so deep within me, they feel so hard to feel, that I don't want to feel them.

3. How layers of emotions get created within us

Of course our parents of course don't want us to feel them either, so as a child we start creating a heap of blockages to feeling these emotions.

3.1. An example of a child shutting down it's grief due to fear of violence

So, for example, mum yells at me for taking five cents out of her purse when I was 3 year old, and she's really upset about that, not because it is five cents, but because I stole from her. So she tells me all these bad things about myself; "You're just a bad boy," and so right at that moment I'm getting from her a heap of emotions that I'm terrible, I'm bad, I'm shameful and all those kinds of things. Those things are entering me.

Now under normal circumstances, a child getting this barrage of emotions from its parent would immediately cry because it is openly vulnerable to its emotions. Under normal circumstances they'd immediately go into tears and crying about how bad they feel. But then on top of that mum says, "You cry about this and I'll give you something to cry about." So now we've got a block created at that 3 year old experience; a block to actually feeling the underlying causal emotion. The child is no longer able to feel what it really feels about itself in that particular moment because the parent is now threatening it with further violence which then shuts down the child even further. And so therefore we now have a layer of blockages if you like that are on top of this causal emotion. And these layers of blockages are mostly fear related; they are fears. [00:10:48]

For example, in the example that I gave, what is the child afraid of? It is afraid of the pain of crying but it is not the crying that is painful, it is the threat of the violence if they cry. And the threat of the violence if they cry is worse to them than the actual crying. And so what do they do? They shutdown because of the potential pain involved. We become so afraid and this is where a lot of our fears come from.

3.2. Children shut down their emotions to suit their environment

Before then, the child knows that it can cope with its own emotion automatically. Do you ever see a baby at less than 6 months old going to you and saying, "I don't know if I can feel that because I don't know if I'll cope with that?" Of course not, the child doesn't even think of that because it hasn't developed its brain yet anyway, but it just goes ahead and feels what it feels right in that moment, whatever that is, and it doesn't analyse it in any way. [00:11:46]

The child is actually totally capable of experiencing all its own emotions; it's able to feel every single one of its own emotions and it does feel naturally, without our help. We don't need to take it along to a course to help it to feel its emotions, do we? Can you imagine the lunacy of, "Oh my 3 month old child can't cry, I need to take it along to a therapist to help it cry"? What happens is that the child knows how to do these things automatically, that's how God created us; that is the beauty of how God created us. It's how we were naturally created; it happens automatically from the moment that we arrive.

However because of these parental blockages and everything that gets piled on the child, by the time the child is two or three years of age, the child now is shut down in a lot of different areas and these shut downs weren't originally of their own making.

They were created by the environment and the child absorbed the needs of the environment and conformed itself to that environment. The child felt the fears of its environment and then automatically started adjusting its behaviour to suit the environment. Now, the fears of the environment then became its own fears, as the result. So now the child itself is in this place where the child is shutdown quite a lot emotionally already. Now the problem is though this child continues to grow and continues to change, continues to have life experiences and as that growth continues, the child is experiencing more and more of a shutdown emotional environment, shutdown people, shutdown belief systems, not allowed to express itself without getting some kind or form of punishment or lack of love. There is no unconditional love in its environment, and so as the child grows up, it starts learning that there are things that it can do to get certain things fulfilled. [00:13:58]

4. How addictions get created

So the causal emotion might be "I might feel like nobody loves me" a really dark, hopeless feeling that for some reason nobody loves me. It's a very dark emotion. And instead of feeling that emotion because it's not allowed to feel it as a child, because of the blockages that the parents and the environment have placed upon it, when it still wants the feeling of being loved, it learns what we've all learnt; and that is to barter one thing for another thing. So, in other words I learn to earn the love that I want rather than it just being given to me as a gift, because I'm not getting the love as a gift anywhere on the planet hardly. So what I need to do now is start earning it. So I learn that there is a cost associated, that I pay, and then the other person will give me the thing that I want.

4.1. An example of the financial system and paying for water

It sounds like our financial system, which is basically based around the same type of premise; the whole user pays capital system is all based around there is no such thing as gifts; everyone has to earn their way into whatever it is. God has given us a planet with huge amounts of available water for us to drink, but what have we learnt to do with this? What man does is he grabs that and turns this into a user pays system. There's so much lack of love on this planet that you have even got to pay for your drinking water, something that within a few days if you don't have it, you'll die. That's how much lack of love there is here. If there were more love, all of us would be able to have water for free, because that's what God gave; all the water for free. There's no need for us to have to pay for it, but we've set up this system because we've got this belief from our environment that we have to pay for anything that we want. And we've learnt that we have to pay for love. That's what we've learnt

And in the process of learning to have to pay for love, we've become addictive people. We've set up what is called co-dependence; if I want to be loved, I've got to earn it from you. And then if you think about it, that means that I've got to do what you want and that will be earning it from you and when I earn it from you, that will give me the love that I need for myself that makes me feel good. And if I can't earn it from you, then I'll go to another person and try to earn it from them. And in fact almost every relationship at some point in our lives before we recognise these truths is actually co-dependent and addictive.

Now at the soul level it is even worse than that, because at the soul level this emotion of how I feel about myself is being emanated out into the universe at every single moment that I don't actually want to feel it. [00:17:37]

4.2. An example of an addiction created by feeling unloved by our mother

So let's say I don't want to feel my causal emotion, which is how unloved I was by my mother. So I have a causal emotion inside of me that I don't want to feel that I feel terribly unloved by my mother. My mum didn't want me to feel it either, so she shut it down in me as well. And now that I'm an adult, I'm still not wanting to feel this terrible unloved feeling that I have, but it's coming out of me. It's like the pheromones coming out of your skin, but it's actually coming from your soul. It's like this pervasive, invisible thing coming out of them, enveloping every single person in their environment, and something you can feel coming from them.

So, if I'm in this place myself, where I'm feeling unloved by my mother, then the emotion coming out of me to every single person in this audience is, "I am unloved by my mother, I feel unloved by my mother," but I'm not feeling it. I don't want to feel it, that's why it's coming out of me, because I don't want to personally feel it and just cry and release it inside of myself. So instead it comes out of me with it comes this demand that every woman in my environment loves me, because that's the feeling I have; I'm not loved by the woman and out of me comes this feeling that I've got to be loved by the woman before I'll even interact with them.

So lo and behold, three or four different types of women come up to me and I start talking to them and I think these are just normal interactions, normal day-to-day interactions, but actually they're not. They are actually interactions based on the soul demand inside of myself that a woman loves me. And these women have a feeling that they've got to love a male to get something from the male, so they have a reciprocal addiction, a co-dependent addiction. So these women just hone in on me because I've got the opposite addiction acceptable to them and before we know it we're entering relationships without even knowing why we are entering them.

4.3. Addictions drive our relationships and interactions with others

Most of the time we feel very attracted to people because we're actually in this co-dependent relationship with them, where what's coming out of me gets satisfied by them and what's coming out of them gets satisfied by me. And so now we're in a very satisfactory relationship. "I really like that person because of this co-dependent addiction, but this person over here, who doesn't supply the co-dependent addiction that I'm looking for, I think she's a bitch!" (Laughter) "This woman's fine, this woman's a bitch. You know, I just can't get along with her, because my co-dependent addiction and hers are incompatible with each other." [00:20:32]

Now you see when you get to a place where you love everyone, do you think you'll be thinking some people are bitches and some people aren't? Well obviously not. You'll love every one and you'll feel a strong passionate feeling in that loving space. So you won't feel like this woman's a bitch, even if she has emotional injuries and everything and even if she's yelling at you, you won't feel like, "Oh she's a bitch." You'll actually feel a feeling of love for her. But you see that's not what's happening because most of the time what's happening is I'm very focussed on how I feel about myself. And so therefore what I'm doing is I'm focussing in on myself and feeling anybody who satisfies an emotion inside of me is a person that I will get along with. Everybody who doesn't satisfy an emotion inside of me in some way, I can't get along with and it sets up this co-dependent, addictive world that we live in.

To be frank with you this creates the emotion that you've got to pay for your water; believe it or not, it goes right down to that level. It creates this entire physical environment that we live in, thinking that we've got to live in it, but in reality we don't. We could easily give it all up, but only by dealing with our co-dependent addictions. That's why it is quite important to understand.

So here I am, with my physical body, but that's not me, and here's my spirit body, but that's not me; the real thing that this is coming from is my half of the soul.

The real us is our soul (left) not our physical and spirit bodies (centre and right)

My half of the soul is the real me, and out of the real me comes these emotions that I am now unwilling to feel as an adult. I'm unwilling to feel that women don't love me that my mother didn't love me, and so I totally detune from that. I don't want to feel that mum did not love me because if you feel mum didn't love you, that's a pretty confronting emotion when you think about it. If your mum can't love you, who can? [00:22:39]

Now the truth is that if your mum can't love you that it doesn't mean other people can't. But there's a feeling in us that if our own mother, who brought us into this world can't love us, then nobody can. So we don't even want to know that mum doesn't love us, we don't even want to feel that at all, but because it's inside of us, it's an emotion coming out of us constantly in every interaction with every woman on the planet. And by the way, not just on the planet, it's an emotional interaction with every spirit who's a woman who has yet to deal with her co-dependence addictions as well. So there are just so many people that are going to be attracted to me to help me feel that they're going to be the woman who loves me.

And while they are going to be the woman who loves me; so here is the woman on the other end with of course her spirit body and physical body which are really just vehicles by which her soul is going to express herself. While I'm projecting that out, any woman who is going to be attracted to me is going to be attracted to making the unloved man feel loved. She's going to just feel like, "Oh I'm just so attracted to this man, he's so beautiful." She'll just feel that inside of herself and it won't be for any other reason than having a co-dependent addiction within herself being met at the same time. [00:24:06]

Women who want to make men feel loved will be drawn to a man who wants to feel loved by a woman

So the problem we have on Earth is that almost all of our lives are spent meeting the emotional demands of the emotions we personally ourselves are unwilling to feel. So I'm unwilling to feel that my mum doesn't love me and out of me comes a demand to any woman that they've got to love me, and any women who feels like she's got to love the man in order to get one of her co-dependent addictions met will be invited into that interaction. Now that's what I would call an addiction.

4.3.1. Physical addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions

What most people call an addiction are for things such as being addicted to drugs, addicted to alcohol, addicted to TV watching or movies, being addicted to sports or high adrenalin active sports; every single one of those physical addictions comes from an emotional place and it starts with an emotional addiction not being met. So what happens with physical addictions is we create this life where we're now blocked to our causal emotions, we don't want to feel our causal emotions, and so what we now want is our environment to satisfy the unfelt causal emotional demands.

4.4. Expectations and demands upon the environment

So my causal emotional demand is, "If you are a woman please love me," because I have this feeling that I am not loved by women inside of me, then the plea going out to the universe is, "Please love me, any woman out there, please love me." This is really what's coming from my soul. And any woman who goes, "Yeah I'll love you," will be attracted to that because of something inside of her soul. And so now I have an expectation that is placed upon my environment to meet my unhealed emotional need. I'm projecting out to my own environment: "You've got to meet my unhealed emotional need."

If I heal this emotional need, I will no longer have it projected out to the environment. But I don't want to heal it because I don't want to feel it because I think it feels too painful. That's what I think. And my parent, through this blocking and suppressing process, told me it's too painful. They taught me that I won't be able to cope with it and so they suppressed it as well. They couldn't cope with their own, so of course they believe that you're not going to be able to cope with yours. So they suppress all that and keep that under control and so what's coming out of me then is that I want my environment to meet the unhealed emotion, and that's the addiction: I want the environment to meet my unhealed emotion. [00:27:25]

Layers of unfelt emotions are projected out to the environment as a demand or expectation

5. Negative consequences of addictions

5.1. When our addictions are not met we feel angry or hurt

Now how do I know I have an addiction? Well whenever my unhealed emotion doesn't get met, when I have an addiction, I will always get angry or hurt. So that's the measure of how we have an addiction. So, you know every time you've gotten angry, it is because one of your addictions has not been met. Every time you felt hurt inside of you, it is because one of your addictions has not been met. And if you can trace the addiction down, you will find under it, a causal emotion that you are wanting to avoid in that moment. You will always find that. [00:28:12]

Participant: How do you get to that causal emotion?

What I am going to do is to describe that process, but firstly we have to understand the process in terms of feeling the process and how it began inside of us before we can begin settling with things.

You see normally what we do in the addiction is, the addiction doesn't get met and we automatically go into rage, anger, resentment or hurt. We automatically go there. We don't go, "Hang on a sec I'm feeling this hurt, anger, rage, whatever it is so therefore I have un unmet addiction and therefore I need to look at what that addiction is. What is my expectation that's driving this addiction?" and then go deeper. We'll talk about the process more in a minute; the main thing is to understand what's going on inside of ourselves, firstly. [00:29:11]

5.1.1. An example of addictions creating a "honeymoon" period in relationships

Participant: AJ, when you're talking about that unlovable emotion, because I've got that, and you're saying that we attract people who want to love us, because they've got a co-dependent addiction, I thought that we attracted people who don't love us; I thought that's my experience a lot of the time. So I'm a bit confused.

Well, yeah and I'll talk about this with you in more detail because what we do is we initially enter an attraction thinking this person will love us. And that person enters the same attraction thinking they're going to get from you what they're going to get as well. This is why most of our relationships have that initial, what we would call honeymoon period; that is the initial part of the attraction. The initial part of the attraction happens and we are not aware of what is going on generally, where we both think, "Yeah this is going to be great for both of us." Ten days later we are now having our doubts because there are all these other things that are hooking into us through these addictions and this is why addictive things never become satisfying in the end.

And what we need to realise is actually nothing is going to be satisfying until we deal with the unhealed causal emotion. But we don't believe that because we've been taught differently and so what we do is we go along and try and get this addiction satisfied. We finish up having the initial honeymoon period, and sometimes the honeymoon period in the spirit world lasts for 50 years or 100 years, it can last a long time, until one person changes and as soon as one person changes, what happens to the other person? If the other person gets angry, or upset in any way, then that's telling you we had an addiction going on here. [00:30:24]

Now some of your addictions are so dependent on each other that you love giving it and this is the problem; many times we love giving the addictive thing in order to get the addiction met. And we can enter very, very strong and powerful addictive relationships through our desires to have the addiction fulfilled and we can remain in those relationships for many years thinking they are a happy relationship. And in reality, all it is is a co-dependent addiction. And the test of it is when one person begins to change; does the other person still love? And does the person who's changing still love for that matter? Obviously both of them would still need to have love; you can leave a relationship but still love the other person. And obviously we need to look at that if we can't.

So the initial honeymoon period is usually because of the addictive behaviour and then the addictive behaviour attracts the person who also has their own addictions, but eventually they become oppressive. The addictive behaviours all become oppressive at some point in the future and so you end up finishing up fighting about it. You go through a power phase of the relationship where each person is trying to get power over the other and then that doesn't work because whenever you are in a power struggle obviously that is not love either. And so eventually what happens is the relationship goes apart and we feel the rejection of it. And the truth is a relationship like that needed to be rejected out of our lives because it was a co-dependent addiction. But we often go down the track ourselves of going, "Oh yeah, he was very addictive," or, "She was very this," or, "He was very that," but not "Not me, I was generating this in some way" and this is what we do with our addictions. [00:33:00]

5.1.2. An example of a substance addiction

You think of what happens with a person who is addicted to a substance, because there are many things that are very similar to a person addicted to a substance, of course, as there are addicted to an emotion. Let's look what happens with a person addicted to a substance? Let's say the substance is alcohol. So what happens initially is they're not what we might call an alcoholic. Usually, through some trauma that occurs in their life, sometimes when they are young and sometimes when they are an adult, there is some kind of emotional thing that enters them that they feel they will not be able to cope with feeling, and so what they do is they have a drink. It might be a bit of stress in their life, so they have one drink.

And what do you do when you have one drink? That alcohol starts going to your mind and affecting the brain and you get a slightly euphoric feeling of, "That feels really nice, boy euphoria's a good feeling, I haven't had that for 20 years, another drink would not go astray." So you have another drink and have a bit more of a euphoric feeling. "This is feeling really good now, I feel a bit spaced out, I don't have to worry about my life now." So a lot of the seeming problems in my life have now disappeared because I'm just not conscious of them because I'm in this phase that is manufactured, but I'm feeling euphoria.

But then somebody takes away my third drink and says, "No, you're not having any more." What does the average person do under those circumstances? Straight away there is usually some aggression. "What do you mean? You're controlling me. How dare you do that? I'm alright, I'm fine." Now if you have a person who is in a pattern of addiction to alcohol, you try taking away their bottle, but they have bottles hidden all over the place, just in case somebody comes along and takes away one. [00:35:01]

Who's seen the movie "Pay It Forward"? At the beginning, the lady has this addiction with alcohol and it is hidden in all sorts of places, but the child knew everywhere mum was hiding her stuff. But that is what we do because you take away the thing we are addicted to and generally we go into this place of anger or rage, or at least hurt; we at least feel hurt. That's because we have the expectation, we have the expectation that the environment fulfils our unmet emotional addiction.

5.2. Expectations and demands upon others are unloving

Now the problem with this is immense when you think about it on the planet because every single thing that I believe that I cannot actually feel, myself, I will expect someone in my environment to fulfil. Now as soon as I expect you to fulfil something that is unmet inside of myself, I am going to have an expectation or requirement placed upon you, and any time I do that, I am being unloving. Even if that requirement is for you to be loving, I'm unloving. Because in the end, we want to get to a stage inside of ourselves, where it doesn't matter how any person on this planet, including your partner, your child, your mother, your father, your work mates, colleagues, employer, all of those different people; it doesn't matter to us how any of them treat me, because I am in a state where I am going to own my own emotions about everything. I actually have the power to feel everything inside of myself.

Remember I said at the beginning, a little 3 month old child has exactly the same power. The little 3-month-old child doesn't have to be educated about how to feel its emotions. Therefore it makes sense that I must somehow have been designed to be able to feel all of my emotion inside of me, which means I am able to feel all of my hurts, all my causal emotions; all of the stuff that's inside of me. I do not need another person on this planet to fulfil any of those unmet emotions; I don't need that to occur. [00:37:41]

5.2.1. Addictions cause judgement towards other people and countries

When I don't feel it, my environment gets the projection and, because everyone in my environment also has very similar damages in different areas, they then project at me whether they are going to fulfil my emotion or not; they are going to stay in this interaction with me or not depending on their unmet emotional needs and whether I meet theirs. And so every relationship becomes very, very conditional. Every relationship becomes a bartering system. I'm going to talk to them as long as they make me feel this way, make me feel that way, because then they are nice. And if they make me feel bad and they make feel angry and they make feel upset and they hurt me, then they are not nice. And we create this separation. All the people who make me feel nice are over in this group, they are the ones who I spend most of my life with, and all the people over in this group who keep getting attracted to me at some point through my life, I hate their guts and I try to reject them at every possible opportunity. [00:38:49]

And if that whole group happens to be a nation because I am racist and they don't meet one of my addictive needs about my race, I'll even do it to the whole nation. I'll even get out a gun and shoot as many of that nation, in order to meet my addiction. That's how powerful these addictions are; they create a world in which we're even willing to kill each other to meet our addictions, and anyone who doesn't meet my addiction gets destroyed in the process. That's how powerful these addictions are.

5.3. The importance of dealing with addictions

Now, if I think of it that way, then I can see that it is very important for me to look at dealing with my addictions. It is very important as a part of my spiritual journey to actually get to the point where I am not intellectually skipping over addictions, when I am not making out I don't have them, but rather that they actually have gone from within me. Because whether I am intellectually conscious or aware that these interactions are happening or not, every unhealed causal emotion inside of me creates the addictive behaviour.

This is why people tell you that you have a subconscious mind. Because everything you don't want to feel creates your life often and then they say, "Oh, it must have been my subconscious mind that created that." No, it is actually something you can be completely conscious about that created that, which is your own feeling inside of yourself from your childhood that you did not want to feel. That is what created it. If we want to use the same terminology, it is our subconscious mind that is generating a lot of our interactions and generating our Law of Attraction. [00:40:36]

6. Recognising the extent of our addictions

So here I am sitting in these addictions and maybe what we need to do is look at how it happens in practice, just so that we can feel a bit more about how it works. You see when we start talking about addictions most of us initially go, "Oh I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I'm not addicted to any substance really, I'm free of addictions." Now if we use the terminology that I've just used and the description that I've just used with regard to addictions, how many of you are actually free of addictions? It's very hard to be free of an addiction under that definition.

6.1. Physical addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions (continued)

Every physical addiction can be thought of, as when the emotional addiction does not get met. So the problem with most of us is that we are meeting our emotional addictions in much of our life, and because of that we have a less likelihood to have a physical addiction. So actually the people with physical addictions are just demonstrating that their emotional addictions are not even getting met. And, in reality, if a person has a physical addiction often they can more rapidly access the emotional addiction that is not being met more rapidly, because it is obvious to everyone around them that something's wrong.

You see the problem for the majority of us is that if my emotional addictions get met by you, and your emotional addictions get met by me, we're both happy. We don't see that there's a problem here. But when we look at a guy who's bombed out on drugs for half of his life, we say, "Yep there's a problem." (Laughter) And yet I myself, I'm happy and so I think there's no problem. But in reality the problem is that his emotional addiction isn't getting met, that's why he's on these drugs; because he needs a physical way of getting out of these emotional addictions, and it's quite obvious. But the problem for me is that I'm already getting my emotional addictions met and I'm quite happy with it, and that's not obvious. Sometimes it's actually harder for a person who's getting their emotional addictions met and who feels quite happy in their life to progress spiritually towards God than it is for the person who's down and out and has a lot of problems in their life getting these addictions met and quite often it's not so obvious. [00:43:24]

In the first century, many of the people who followed us when we were travelling around talking to people, like we are doing with these groups, were actually people who had heavy physical addictions because they could see they had a problem. And many of the people who attacked us were the people who were in heavy denial of their emotional addictions, because they couldn't even see they had a problem. And the trouble with emotional addiction is that often we don't even see the problem that's right there and we don't see our rage and our anger and our hurt as proof that the addiction is present. We just don't notice those things.

And if we're in a very, very close co-dependent relationship with somebody, we can often avoid much of the rest of the pain because there's seemingly so much joy in that relationship that we don't even notice why that relationship was created. We feel this relationship is beautiful when in reality it is so co-dependent, and that it just makes both of us extremely happy because we're getting our addictions met. So for most of us, our emotional addictions are getting met, so we don't have to go to a physical addiction to detune from our life, to detune from the fact that things are not being met. We go to a physical addiction generally when the emotional addiction doesn't get met and we don't know how to meet it. Whatever that physical addiction is, it might be drugs, alcohol, it might be medicated prescription drugs, it might be pain killers, and it might be TV, videos, movies. It might be partying every night, having sex all the time. Not that there's any trouble with having sex all the time or partying every night, but the issue is, are we using it as an addiction to suppress a causal emotion? That's the issue.

So when the emotional addiction is met it doesn't generally generate a physical addiction. When it's not met then we get the additional layer of a physical addiction. The beauty of a physical addiction though is it is obvious usually to everyone around us and sometimes to ourselves, not all the time, but it's obvious generally to everyone around us that we have a "problem". But the issue with an emotional addiction is that it's not obvious to anyone around us that we have a "problem", except generally to God, and your relationship with God, because while you're in emotional addictions you cannot get closer to God. Obviously these talks are all about being closer to God, and so we want to be able to learn how to deal with the addictions, learn how feel about them and do something with them, so let's look at some of that. Now before we proceed, is everyone clear about the addictions, are there any questions you'd like to ask about them? [00:46:46]

6.2. Coming to recognise our addictions

Participant: What about when we're having an emotional addiction, we're aware of it, but I respond in anger or frustration, I'm knowing it's my reaction, I'm owning it, but I can't seem to get a sense or an understanding what's causing it? What do we do with that? Is it possible that you can actually be aware that there's something going on?

Of course, remember that one thing of what I said, the basic form of awareness is; if I am angry, frustrated, annoyed, feel hurt about something else that someone is doing or something that's happened, then my addiction is not being met. So the first level of consciousness with addictions is to notice the behaviour you have when your addiction isn't being met. We'll talk more about how to get down deeper, but that's the first level of consciousness about your addictions. In that space you know whatever it is that is driving you is out of harmony with love. You know that if you're angry, you're upset, you're really hurt then all of those things are not love. If you're in a love space, you'd feel blissful, happy, joyful and all those emotions, not the other emotions. So instead of condemning ourselves for our state, what we need to know is to notice firstly, "Oh I'm angry, I have an addiction." Who knows what it is, I don't know what it is at this point maybe, but at least I know I have one. That's the first step with all of this, to know that you have one. [00:48:37]

So one of the first things you can do is start writing down everything that makes you angry because everything that makes you angry covers over an addiction somewhere inside of you. Write that down - everything that makes you feel frustrated; that covers over an addiction somewhere. We don't have to know the addiction yet, the point is to become consciously aware inside of ourselves that my anger, my hurt emotions, my frustration, my annoyance and all those emotions are obviously covering over a demand that I have inside of me, something is going on here. And you will be surprised a lot of times it's big emotions, but we'll talk more about that in a minute about how to get deeper. The main thing is to understand the first point of awareness is your initial rage, anger or hurt response. That's the first point of knowing that something is wrong. And once you're at that point you know there's another addiction here.

6.2.1. We have thousands of addictions within us

To be frank with you, I've had thousands of them to work my way through. The majority of people on the planet have a good thousand or two of these addictions to work their way through. That didn't make you feel very good! There's another one of those addictions. Did you feel that addiction that you just had? I'm serious. When I made that statement of truth, did you feel the level of joy drop? There's the addiction; the feeling of, "Oh no." What's that frustration? "Oh no," there's the addiction. What was that addiction? The addiction that I cheer you up. You want me to say things that are not true so you feel good about yourself; that's an addiction. Even that one statement that we often have a thousand or two addictions to deal with causes us to actually get into one of our addictions. [00:50:48]

Participant: If everybody's got all these thousands of addictions and we get through your addictions, how do we exist with the rest of the planet or everyone on it?

Well the beauty is you exist with the rest of the planet very easily because you don't respond to anybody's addictions anymore and you've got no addictions coming out of you that they have to respond to. So everyone around you actually feels better in your company. And the people who don't feel better are the ones who wanted you to supply their addiction and they leave you because they want to find a person who will supply their addictions. So your life actually becomes very simple. You don't believe that (Laughter) but it does, it becomes very simple. You'd be surprised how simple it becomes. We'll talk more about this aspect of how simple your life becomes when you deal with these things, because while I say there are thousands of addictions that the average person has, the truth is that there are usually only thirty or forty core emotions that drive them.

Did you feel that again? (Laughter) I said thirty or forty core emotions and the feeling was, "Argh, I've got thirty." There's the addiction again. Can you see the addiction at play?

When you think about it, the majority of you do not come along here because I sweet talk you, and that's a beautiful thing actually because that tells you that you are not wanting to have your addictions met all the time now. You want to start dealing with the real stuff. You see, just the fact that you are attracted to come to a place where a guy gets up and tells you a truth that you don't want to hear, but you feel drawn to come back next week, means that there's something that appeals to you in the soul about living in this space. [00:53:01]

So there's obviously some truth going on in there, having its positive effect in amongst all of that. But the truth really is that we often have forty or fifty core emotions driving the majority of our addictions and we might have thousands of addictions as a result of those core emotions. And every core emotion has its unique flavours, based upon our life and how it was created, and we'll talk about how that all happens in a minute.

So the answer to the question is firstly notice every time you have that deflated feeling that you just had when I said the truth. Every time you notice that deflation, every time you notice that the joy can't be maintained, every time that you notice there's anger, frustration, annoyance, any of those hurt based emotions, you know an addiction is not being met. And if I have courage, if I follow this addiction down the rabbit hole, I will actually pick out the causal emotion; I'll get there with it if I have the courage to actually acknowledge the addiction exists.

Participant: And the beginning would be writing down what causes these feelings?

The beginning is always becoming consciously aware that this is happening through your emotions. So your emotion is anger, frustration, annoyance, deflation; all of those type of emotions. There's an addiction not being met, straight away an addiction, I've got to write down the circumstances in which this happened. Today the circumstance that happened was that AJ told me a truth that made me feel like, "Oh I've got a lot of work to do. I would have liked him to tell me that actually in ten minutes time all of you are going to become at-one with God." (Laughter) That sounds really good doesn't it? "Woo that's really cool!" But it's not true, so that's the problem with that kind of thing.

This is the trouble with what we've done; we're so used to hearing sweet platitudes because of our addictions. We want to actually get somebody cheering us up because we want to avoid the emotion of how we really feel which is not that happy about ourselves really, and we need someone to cheer us up in order to make us feel happy about ourselves. And so all we're doing is we're avoiding how unhappy we feel about ourselves really in that moment. [00:55:26]

If I can allow myself to go, "Oh okay, right at that moment, AJ said that," and to be frank with you it doesn't even matter whether I lied to you or not. Now don't go and quote that out of context, will you? Because what I'm saying is that although I want to tell you the truth, even if you're lied to by somebody and it makes your energy go down, there's an addiction in play inside of you. You don't even need to worry about what the external environment is really doing to handle these things; all you need to do is feel your own emotional response to what the external environment is doing. That's all you need to do and you'll know straight away whether there is an addiction in play or not. You don't even need to have someone come along and tell you anymore, all you do is feel your own emotion. [00:56:18]

6.2.2. When we're at-one with God we have no addictions and always feel happy

So if a man comes along and yells and scream at you and you feel terrible, what's the addiction? Because do you think when you're at-one with God and somebody yells and screams at you, you're going to feel terrible?

Participant: I don't know yet.

You don't know yet. (Laughs) Well let me think, how many of you have yelled and screamed at God at this point; it's probably about 80% of the group, so let's multiply that by the world's population. So of the 6.5 billion people on the planet we can basically assume in any one given period of say a few months that a good 80% of the world's population is yelling at God. Can we assume that? Okay, so at the moment on the Earth, let's say there are 4.8 billion people yelling at God, does it make God unhappy? No. Why? Because God is not addicted to you either yelling at him or not yelling at him. Do you get that? [00:57:20]

Now if you're at-one with God, would you be addicted to anyone yelling at you or not yelling at you? Of course you wouldn't. So somebody can come along and yell at you when you are at-one with God and you won't feel bad, you won't feel negative, you won't feel scared, you won't feel afraid, you won't feel like bopping the person on the nose or any of those things. You won't feel it because you're at-one with God and you have the same emotional response in that you're not addicted to the person treating you a certain way. You don't need it from them anymore.

So, when I ask the question, "Does God get addicted to what you want?" Of course God doesn't. So is God sad when you yell at him, no he's not. So that means when you're at-one with God, when your partner yells at you are you going to be sad? No you're not. Isn't that fantastic! You won't even feel the emotion of sadness in you when your partner yells at you anymore when you're at-one with God.

Now the fact that I do at this moment feel sad when somebody yells at me means that I am addicted to something coming from them and I can feel that emotionally, I can do something with that emotionally. So the people around you don't even have to treat you nicely for you to be able to see what your addictions are. The beauty of that is you can be in any interaction on this planet and find out what your addictions are. It's a very powerful tool to see where you're out of harmony with God and bring yourself into harmony. It's wonderful. It's a fast track way of facing the causal emotions within yourself, but we've got to not judge the addiction.

6.2.3. Having our addictions met prevents us from seeing them

The problem for many of us is we look at a guy who's drugged out in his brain and we go, "It's a sad thing to see that," and we start having a lot of judgement inside of ourselves about it. We go, "Oh look at that, look at the damage he's doing to his life, the damage he's doing to everybody's life," and we don't see that I'm emotionally addicted and what about all the damage that's happening there in my life? I don't want to know any of that. But we look at the damage in the drugged out person's life and we can see the results of the addiction a lot more easily than we can see when we're in an emotional addiction. But the truth is that we are not right now at-one with God because of our addictions because our addictions are what we use to cover over the emotions that we're not yet prepared to feel. [01:00:13]

So it's because of our addictions that we're not coming face to face with our causal emotion. While I get my addiction met from you, do you think I am going to feel what I need to feel while you're giving me what I want? It's very hard. For a physical example, if a man's addicted to sex and his wife gives him sex every single day, maybe four, five times a day if that's what he needs, is he going to be a happy man or a sad man?

Participant: Very happy. (Laughter)

He's going to be a very happy man because his addiction is being met perfectly. His addiction is being met perfectly and so he is going to be happy. But do you think he's going to be happy on the day she wants to take off? Is he going to be happy then? No, now there's stuff coming from him. What does he do with that? Does he do unloving things, like watch porn or go to another woman or go to a prostitute? What does he do when he's not getting it on that day and what feelings does he have? If he has rage, anger, resentments, frustration with his partner because he's not having sext that day then that's a demonstration of his addiction. [01:01:42]

6.3. Being humble to seeing our addictions

Now it's exactly the same emotionally and we need to understand that. Every single emotion I have of rage, anger, resentment, hurt, are all emotions that show me my own addiction, if I'm willing to see it. But, you know most of the time we're not, what we do is instead, is we go, "Yeah see that person's not very nice. They didn't love me then." This is what happens.

We have a situation where we've got ourselves and we've got this yucky woman coming along, yelling at me, she's just furious with me, there's all this fury coming out of her towards me and what do I do? I go, "Oh she's a bitch, hey. I just want to get out of her life, or get her out of mine, don't I?" But actually right at that time, I've got an addiction. I've got the addiction and she's got one too, obviously, but I've got one. You see we don't think that in that situation, when someone's yelling and screaming at us. What do we think instead? "They've got the addiction." But if I've got a feeling of hurt, anger, rage, avoidance, something I want to avoid, or depression because of that event, I'm the one with the addiction. [01:03:18]

If we feel hurt, anger, rage, wish to avoid or depression in response to rage, then we have the addiction

That should make us a bit more self-reflective, in regard to what happens, shouldn't it? Now of course she also has one, but can you change her? Of course you can't, you have enough trouble changing yourself, don't we? So how are we going to go about changing her? It's going to be very difficult to change her; what we need to do is change our addiction. What is the feeling that's in me?

Now, we don't do it by going all Zen on it; you know what I mean by that, don't you? We don't do it by another hour of meditation that day and, "I'll be right." That doesn't get you away from the fact that you do feel hurt in that situation. So, feel the hurt in that situation and go deeper, "Alright, I'm addicted to something here, what do I really want from her? I want her to treat me nicely; I want her to say, 'You're a nice fellow, actually.' I want her to be nurturing, I want her to feel good about me as a guy." So I need to look at what it is that I really wanted from her and she's not giving that to me. She's giving something completely different to me and I'm feeling these feelings of hurt, anger, rage, avoidance and depression, and while I'm feeling these things, I have the choice now to see my addiction in this interaction, or I can avoid it. [01:04:41]

Most of the time what we do is avoid it and avoid the person. So we write them off, and then five weeks later another angry woman comes along. And we keep attracting these angry women. We get frustrated with ourselves and we don't want to look at our addiction and we get rid of her out of our life too and in the end we swear ourselves off of all women. Does that work? No, because you go down to the shopping centre and you're having an interaction with the checkout girl who happens to be behind the checkout at this point and she is another woman who might be angry, and you have another interaction. And then your mum rings you on the phone and you have another interaction and before you know it you've got all these interactions still occurring and they're still happening because they're showing you there's an addiction for you. Your addiction is driving these Law of Attraction events, if you like. The addiction is emotional and something else is underneath it. It's an addiction to not feeling something underneath all of this that's driving it.

6.4. Physical addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions (continued)

Participant: Just as a recap; you can't have both emotional addictions and physical addictions at the same time?

Of course, the majority of us do. So remember every time we have a physical addiction it's because even the emotional addiction is not getting met. And the truth is that for many of us, emotional addictions aren't getting met too. So for example an emotional addiction might be that I need someone else to entertain me. This happens a lot in children, as we have mothers and fathers that spend all of their time entertaining us, they give us this toy, buy us that thing. Many of us think that's being a good parent, that's what we believe, so we feed our child with all this stuff, and so the child now is addicted to being entertained. There's a need in the child to have external entertainment as a form of love.

And so it grows up and there's no entertainment in its life, so what does it do? It has a strong desire to attract into its life things that are entertaining all the time. So it's got to go out every night to party as a form of entertainment, it's got to keep itself interested in life and so it can't stay home. If she stays home, or he stays home by himself for a night, he feels terrible. There's another addiction, but it's a physical one now, it's covering an emotional addiction that's not getting met, so we go out and meet it physically. All of us have a list of physical addictions which are the only way that we can meet certain emotional addictions that we've learnt, and then we have a whole set of emotional addictions that are actually getting met and they are the most difficult to remove from yourself, because they are actually getting met. [01:08:03]

It's easy to see it if I've got to come home from work every night and have a drink, every night. And if I don't have a drink one night, I have to go down the pub and buy myself the drink. In other words, I can't go without the drink one night. Why is that? Well obviously that's an addiction of some kind, I'm reliant on an external substance and often times it's because I'm not happy at work and I feel quite depressed and upset when I come home and a drink gets me out of that. So, the physical addiction is driven by the emotion not being met. If the emotion was being met, I'd come home and if my wife says lets jump in the sack, that night I don't need to have a drink because my addiction is getting met, and I feel loved now. I feel loved by my environment. So often times we act out the unmet emotional addictions through physical addictions.

7. Differences between love and addictions

Participant: Just a quick question, you say that relationships are formed because emotional addictions are not met?

No, what I said was most relationships on this planet are formed because emotional addictions are not being met.

Participant: Okay because what I thought was that if all your emotional addictions have been dealt with, that means that you do not need anybody and nobody needs you.

That is very true, but that doesn't mean you might not want to love somebody. Can you see there is a very big difference between needing somebody and loving somebody? They are almost two opposites; needing somebody is due to addictions, loving someone is a gift you wish to give them. They are very, very different from each other.

Participant: But isn't that love that you are willing to give somebody else in an emotional addiction?

No, no. You're allowed to give a gift and it not be a demand from the other person. In fact, it is the best time to give a gift and it's when you get the most joy out of giving any gift; when the person who you gave the gift to never expected it, they didn't demand it from you and really felt gratitude for receiving it. Now, when you're in a space of need or anybody's in a space of need of a gift, do you feel very good giving the gift? Definitely not. Now what you feel like is you've been pushed into it; that it's being demanded of you. [01:10:31]

7.1. An example of giving gifts at Christmas time

How many of you enjoy giving gifts at Christmas time? How many of you give gifts at Christmas time? So the majority of us give gifts at Christmas time, but how many of us enjoyed doing it, really passionately enjoy doing it? A few of you. In terms of percentage, there's probably 0.1% who do and most of us don't. And yet we go ahead and do it because there is a projected demand upon us to do it. That's why we do it. There's a projected demand upon us to do it from our environment and we go ahead and do it.

Now in that moment we are not being loving because all we are doing is responding to an addiction of somebody else to get them a gift at that particular time. What would you feel if you did not get a gift at Christmas time? A lot of you are being very dishonest with yourself about it, because you said initially that most of you don't enjoy giving a gift at Christmas time, which actually means that gifts are being demanded of you at Christmas time, and you are responding to that demand. Now if you're responding to the demand of a gift given to you at Christmas time and then none of you feel like you are a part of that demand, then something's going on. The truth is that other people in our lives must feel our demand, just like we are, because we feel theirs.

How would you feel if you decided this Christmas that you're not going to give any gifts at all, you're not going to give any money presents whatsoever, you're not going to take the kids somewhere just to make up for it either, you are just going to spend a normal day at home. There's not going to be any family dinner. In fact you decide you're going to take the day off from cooking and there's not going to be any of that, now how do you feel? Guilty, scared, "What kind of projections am I going to get?" [01:13:01]

Participant: I actually did that the last two years. I spent the whole day completely by myself, childless, partnerless and I just cried and cried and cried.

Exactly.

Participant: It was really freeing.

It is very challenging too, isn't it?

Participant: It was very difficult but it was really good. [01:13:22]

Very challenging. I had a period of my life where for nearly 11 or 12 years I was alone Christmas Day every year, just by circumstances; it was very challenging. Everyone else is getting together, having their fun and what do you feel? You just feel like absolutely no one loves me, no one wants me, no one cares about me, and you just go through lots of emotions. That's the addiction that's driving the gift giving at Christmas, you see? That's the addiction; that we don't want to face these addictions. And we're willing to even hoodwink ourselves by saying, "Oh, I'm not the one who's addicted, it's them". No you're addicted to avoiding the guilt, so there's an addiction there too. There are a lot of addictions. I'm not saying don't give gifts at Christmas by the way, I'm saying a gift comes from a heart of love and love is very different to need. [01:14:21]

7.2. Need versus love in relationships

So, in your question, you asked about need; need is always driven by addictions. So if I need to have a partner to love, then I am actually in an addictive relationship. If I actually have a partner to love because I am giving the gift of my love to them, then I'm in a loving relationship with them. They might not be with me, but I am with them. But there are currently very few of those relationships on this planet because for the majority of our relationships we have a lot of unmet emotional needs from our childhood that our partner is perfectly meeting for us and in that mode, we are now getting our addictions met and so we feel drawn to them and we feel the feeling of love. Now that doesn't mean that underneath all of that crap, if we can call it that, is some pure emotion because often we have some pure emotions mixed up with a lot of addiction in our life, but we need to see the differences between love and need.

None of you will need your soulmate. You see when we have the soulmate discussions, you often feel the panic in the audience about, "Oh I want my soulmate so bad, I've just been longing for my soulmate," and there are all these needy, unmet childhood emotions in all of that. You'll get to the point where you want to have a relationship with your soulmate in your life because you want to give the gift of your love to them and you know that they are the person who in the end is going to be the person who's going be able to receive that love the best too and be in this very, very close bond. And it's also because the two of you are halves of the same soul, in the end. So there is automatically a relationship between you that is established. That is totally different than need. [01:16:17]

7.3. Need versus longing

Just as a side point here there is a total difference between need and longing for something.

When need is not met it creates an emotion that is out of harmony with love inside of us. So if I need something from you and you don't give me what I need, I then feel sad, hurt, angry, or one of those emotions. Maybe even afraid, but any emotion that's out of harmony with love that I am feeling in that moment demonstrates that I was in a co-dependency desire with you. I was demanding something from you that when you didn't give it to me, I felt this neediness towards you, which was a demand. And when you didn't give it to me, I got upset, hurt, angry, whatever the emotion was. That's an indication that I am in need with a person and therefore in an addiction.

But a longing is very different. I can have a longing for you without actually projecting any needs upon you at all and without projecting any demand upon you at all. This is in fact what God wants from you to receive Divine Love because what happens is when you have a pure longing inside of your own soul for somebody's love that's not about neediness, there's a part of your soul that opens that allows love to be received. And you see most of us on this planet have a lot of shut down things inside of our soul that prevent us from receiving love. So when we have a longing for somebody's love, we open up this vulnerable part of ourselves, which allows love to flow into it. Now that's not the same as a need; a need is a projected demand that the person love you. A longing is just a longing for their love whether they love you or not and you remain as happy whether they love you as you did when they didn't.

So what often happens is we're longing for somebody's love, this open and vulnerable space gets created, and you see this a lot with teenagers before they get very hurt in love; they have this real strong longing for the other person and they just demonstrate that longing without any subterfuge or deceit. They're just open about it, "Yeah you know I just love him, he's so beautiful and he's gorgeous," and their eyes light up and you know they have this really open feeling coming from them. But then they get hurt and what starts to happen? Now they're a bit more guarded with their heart. But when we're in a longing space we are not guarded with our heart, our heart is open and vulnerable and therefore it's open to being hurt as well. But if I have no addictive emotions in me, will I ever get hurt by having a longing? No. So any hurt that I feel that's due to a longing is because of an unmet emotional need from my childhood that needs to be released anyway. [01:19:45]

7.3.1. Love songs are often about unmet addictions

There's a very big difference between need and love for somebody. Most of us are in need, but not many of us are in love. You know all these songs are about love, such as (AJ singing) "Here I stand with head in hand, turn my face to the wall. If she's gone I can't go on, feeling two feet small". (Laughter and applause) It's the Beatles, if you didn't recognise it. And he says, "Hey, you've got to hide your love away". Why? This is what we do, isn't it? Now what's he describing there? Is he describing love? He's not. All these so called love songs that are on Earth are not actually describing love; they're describing unmet emotional addictions. "Here I stand with head in hand; turn my face to the wall"; what is this looking like to you? "If she's gone, I can't go on, feeling two feet small." In other words, what's my addiction with this woman? My addiction is that she makes me feel like a man, she makes me feel grown up, she makes me feel whole. And when she goes out of my life, what am I feeling instead? I'm feeling little, like an unloved child, which ironically actually describes the unhealed emotional addiction that the person who wrote the song had. Sorry about that, John, but that's the way it goes. John's here actually, he's listening to that. Monica and I talked to John Lennon last week actually, which is one reason why I used that song.

Can you see how many of our love songs are not love songs, they're addiction songs? And I look back on a lot of the songs that I used to play, and feel about, and the majority of them were all this unmet addiction, mixed with desire for my soulmate. If you have a look at my song collection that I play on the guitar, a couple of hundred songs probably that I prefer, almost every single one of them was an addiction that I didn't have being met at the time.

And then you get the other songs, which are all about addictions as well, like The Eagles, "Lying Eyes." (AJ singing) "You can't hide those lying eyes; your smile is a thin disguise." What's that describing? That's describing a relationship from his own past with a woman who is deceitful and he's now describing an event that is in her life. Why is he describing that? Because he gave his heart and obviously her deceit crushed it and he feels terrible; remember every time you feel terrible, there's an addiction (not) being met. So it's like there are so many, there are so many songs that are like that. [01:23:42]

Some of the songs are really interesting about addictions; the 10cc song called, "Not in Love". (AJ singing) "I'm not in love, don't forget it, it's just a silly phase I'm going through." In other words, he doesn't even want to admit that he's in love anymore. Because he says, (AJ singing) "Just because, I call you up, don't think it's right, no, it doesn't mean you mean that much to me." Wow, so there he is, like inside of himself he's got all this love going, he's really hanging out for her, but he doesn't want to admit it. Why? Because of another addiction, and the other addiction is that he doesn't want to get hurt by admitting it and then being open about it and being rejected, so he's just so afraid of rejection. A lot of these songs are all about just addictions, rejection and they're all actually not about love.

I suppose if you think about it, a lot of the songs that could be made about love wouldn't sound very good (Laughter) because they don't connect to any sadness inside of you. And when it's all happy, what do I sing about now? (Laughter) In the spirit world and even on Earth we'll be able to sing about lots of things even when we're in that space, but when you think about it today on Earth, even a lot of the music industry is driven by deep despair and sadness, deep disillusionment. A lot of the emotions being expressed are all about our unhealed core emotions and they're driven by needs. So we often have these understandings of love inside of ourselves that are very, very distorted, which we believe to be love, but actually it's need.

Even the need to have your child respect you is a need. Does your child have to respect you? No, and in fact it's just an additional job you're giving your child that he doesn't even need to have. Ironically, when you let go of the need to be respected, often your children do respect you, even more. But it's not because of the projected need. You see, a lot of our love-based relationships, not just between sexual relationships, but also our love-based relationships with parents, children, brother, sister, friends, a lot of them are based on co-dependent addictive needs that are being met, which is very, very different to having a longing. I can long for your love and I can long for God's Love without projecting a need at you. How do I know when it's different? By my response when I don't get what I long for. So if I'm longing for something and I don't get what I'm longing for and I get angry, upset, sad, depressed all those feelings, then obviously my original longing was not a longing, but a need; an addiction. [01:27:03]

7.3.2. Our music collection can show us our addictions

Participant: Hello AJ, a couple of things. So, you're saying that our record collection is a history of our addictions?

It's a fantastic record of your addictions; yeah. In fact my suggestion would be when you play your music to actually feel about your addictions that are being demonstrated in the music itself. It's a fantastic way of accessing a lot of causal emotion. By the way, just a note about music, a lot of times we use music to connect with the writer's causal emotion in order to avoid our own. In other words, I can't connect with my sadness about losing my girl, I don't want to cry about it, I'm not connecting with it, so what I do is I put on a song that's about losing my girl and all of a sudden now I can cry because I'm connecting to the writer's sadness; I'm actually needing help to feel my own sadness. [01:28:14]

Now, so I'm not saying don't do that, what I'm saying is notice that I must have a block to feeling my own sadness if I need the music to feel the sadness. So yes, your music collection is a very good way of actually accessing causal emotion inside of you. Unfortunately for most of us, our music collection is the way we act out our addictions. I had this whole list of songs, all soulmate loss songs, and while I could play those, sing those, enjoy those, I always would like those songs, did you think I was feeling my soulmate loss? No. When I started feeling my soulmate loss, all of a sudden I look at those songs and, "Wow, that song was telling me quite a lot"; that's how I felt. I don't feel that much anymore and it's now quite amusing to sing the song, rather than all this anguish when I was singing this song, and it's because now the addictions have changed because of dealing with some of the causal emotion.

8. Examples of addictions

8.1. Dealing with causal emotions eradicates our addictions

Participant: Thanks. The second part is, that once we deal with the causal emotion, then all the addictions that are attached to that just drop away?

Yes, that's exactly what happens. That sounds good, doesn't it? So all of a sudden, the thousands of addictions get reduced down. But as you know, as all of you who have been on this path for some time know, getting to causal emotions can take months. And do you know why it often takes months? Because we refuse to acknowledge our addictions. We're so in the addiction that we don't acknowledge it's there and as soon as we recognise the addiction, wham the causal emotion is there. It's amazing. I've had so many times myself, where I've been for months on end in my addiction.

8.2. An example of AJ's previous addiction to pandering to angry women

For example, a woman comes along who's a bit upset, and she demands time of me. So I sit down with her and I explain all about her emotions and what's going on for her, and three hours later I'm still explaining what's going on for her. And she is going, "Yes, yes, yes", and then she's asking me another question, another question, another question, another question. I'm starting to want to go to the toilet but I'm not even going to go to the toilet because I'm feeling her demand and I feel like I have to respond to it. I don't even let myself have my physical needs met. I'm there holding onto my bladder, talking to her for three hours, and while that helped her a lot, my bladder now feels like it's a bursting balloon, (Laughter) and it hurts. I hurt myself, meeting her addiction.

So what does that mean? I have an addiction. What's my addiction? My addiction is the angry woman comes along; I've got to talk with her, talk with her, talk with her until she no longer wants me and until she goes, and then I can go to the toilet. Why is that? It's because I'm afraid of the angry woman, I'm afraid of upsetting her, I'm afraid of stopping half way through and saying, "No, that's enough to this conversation now. Actually you're angry, I don't want to talk to you at all come to think of it." I'm afraid of doing that because the angry woman's emotions are getting projected and I'm in my addiction of placating the angry woman in every possible opportunity.

Why would I decide to placate an angry woman? Because if I don't placate the angry woman, what's the angry woman going to do? She's going to be angry and am I going to feel very loved then? No. But while I'm placating her she will listen, she will stay in what seems to be a loving transaction with me, but actually is it loving? No, it's not. Of course it's not loving, and the proof is I'm in pain with my bladder while I'm doing it. Right in that moment, I am proving to myself that my own addiction is so strong that I'm willing to actually go through personal pain in my physical body in order to get this addiction met.

I don't know how many years I did that, but I did that for years. Anytime a woman wanted to have a chat with me about something emotionally, I would do that automatically. Now many of you women are finding you don't get very long with me, because I'm now out of that addiction. I had to see it first though, I had to see what's going on, feel that, feel the pain that I'm causing my own body responding to that addiction and then when I do that, I see this isn't their problem, this angry woman is actually helping me see my addiction. Not through her words, but because of how I respond to it; it causes me pain. And if I notice that, then I can see my addiction. And that's what the whole point of the interaction is for me, I'm seeing my addiction here. [01:33:34]

When I see my addiction, I can then go, "Alright, let's challenge this addiction." So how do I challenge the addiction? Well it's really easy. The next angry woman that comes up; you speak with her one hour instead of three. How did that feel? Well at the end she was pretty upset because I terminated the discussion and I need to feel about that. Then the next angry woman that comes along, what do you do, you challenge the addiction a bit more. You say, "You're angry with me and you've got a very unloving demand with me, I can't speak with you at all." Now how's she going to react to that? And straight away I can feel my addiction again; that's what I'm afraid of. [01:34:24]

8.3. An example of Mary being afraid to speak truth at her groups

Now, to give you an example of this, with the groups that Mary does, all of you who come to the groups bring along a group of spirits with you. All of us do that; we all bring along a group of spirits with us. So if I'm in a bit of a shutdown place, then I'll bring a lot of shutdown spirits with me in a shutdown place. If I've got anger within me as a woman, I'll probably bring along a lot of angry women spirits with me into the group as well. If I'm trying to get out of my life, I'll bring a lot of spirits who are also trying to get away from their own life with me as well, who are influencing me. So what happens with every group that Mary is doing with you is there is a whole group of spirits coming along, and they actually have a huge influence on every single person there. And my own attitude has an influence on you. So if there are only twenty of us and one of us of the twenty is in a very, very shutdown emotional place, that person heavily effects the rest of the nineteen, just by projecting out, "Don't you feel, don't you feel in front of me, don't you feel in front of me," just by projecting that out. [01:35:51]

This happens with the groups really often and Mary's been learning through her emotions to actually work through the addiction for her. And the addiction for her was she feels guilty every time she confronts somebody with truth. She feels terrible about it and very afraid of the spirits' response through the person. So last weekend there were three or four people who were heavily spirit influenced, coming along to the group. Mary came home Friday night and we talked about it. Mary had been very truthful all Friday night with the entire group, really confronting, saying the truth to people, but she came home feeling quite exhausted and wondering why, and we talked about why and what was going on. And then the next morning I came along at lunch time and we had another discussion about what was going on because Mary had had a morning where the same three or four people who she was having these interactions with the previous night were very resistive, but she wasn't saying anything to them or removing them from the group. She was just in this space.

Now, during the lunch break, we started discussing it together again and what happened was Mary went into this really deep terror about doing anything about it and she went through lots of fear and lots of emotions came up. Some of you might of noticed who were there that Mary went into the toilet, had a cry for a period of time, just to work her way through the emotion of her fear of why she was avoiding asking the people who were actually shutdown to leave. Now she had a lot less trouble asking a man to leave than she did asking the females to leave. When she asked a man to leave, she felt she'd done the right thing, but asking the females to leave, she was petrified of doing that. So what happened afterwards is she did ask the different ones to leave and the group as a result had a big positive benefit. Now please if you're one of the persons who left, don't feel that it was all your fault, because there are lots of different things at play, including spirits at play, and you do need to look at your emotions as to what went on. [01:38:21]

But getting back to Mary's emotions, the addiction was that she wanted everyone to feel happy in the group, but the irony is when we want that to happen to everybody, everybody can't if there's other addictions at play, and we've got to remove the ones who are creating the most addictions in order for the others to grow. The addiction for Mary at the time was this feeling inside of herself that she was just petrified of a woman's spirit induced rage. Ironically, one of the women in particular that was removed went into a rage with Mary overnight which Mary felt quite strongly and said quite a lot of different things that Mary could feel. And that even caused more of her emotion to come up about how afraid she is of an angry woman who is spirit over-cloaked feeling her rage. In the end of that, the next day, Mary could stay in her truth without feeling fear, in particular without feeling fear with women anywhere near as much. So while there's still a bit more work to do with the women projection, Mary feels totally different and now Mary doesn't avoid saying the truth to the women.

So have you noticed that the last few weeks from Mary, any of you who have talked to her? You'll notice that she has been much more direct with you about what she feels from you. She felt it all before, she just couldn't say it because of being afraid of the anger and rage from the woman. So what was happening was the woman would get angry with Mary and Mary's addiction was to try and placate the woman, and in that addiction was the underlying fear driving it; the fear of a spirit induced woman's rage driving this need to placate and once Mary felt those fears, now she can actually stand in the presence of an angry woman and still say the truth. [01:40:38]

You will actually get to the place yourself where you can stand in the presence of people who are totally enraged with you and not feel afraid. You can stand in the presence of people who are totally enraged with you slinging a rope around a tree to hang you on it and still not feel afraid. But it's only by releasing the addictions that that can ever occur.

So, can we start seeing the pattern of addictions? During this first section I'm trying to explain to you how big they are, and the next session, after our break, I'm going to talk about how to actually access them emotionally and process them. So that's why we want to see how big they are and how much they're driving your life; that's very important. [01:41:38]

8.4. An example of a participant being in addiction when asking questions

Participant: Thank you, AJ. I recently came to the realisation that... I somehow am having trouble staying here, hang on.

Can I stop you? I'm not going to let you say the rest, because you are currently in an addiction. You are feeling your emotion when you start talking to me, but you're not feeling it beforehand. So why do you need to speak to feel the emotion in a group? There's an addiction. So let's look at the addiction instead; what's the addiction? What do you feel with people most of the time?

Participant: Complete fear and overwhelm.

No that's not what you feel, that's the blockages to what you feel. What do you feel? What's underneath the blockages?

Participant: To people?

Do you feel people listen to you? Do you feel people care about you? Do you feel people in particular hear you?

Participant: No.

Okay. So as soon as I give you a forum for people to hear you, you start feeling teary. Can you see the reaction you have? We give you a forum to listen to you and you start connecting with the emotion that nobody's ever heard me all my life and you don't allow yourself to feel that emotion, and instead you tell us the story, whatever the story becomes, but you're not allowing yourself to feel the underneath emotions still, which is nobody wants to hear from me. [01:43:29]

Participant: Okay.

So can you just sit on that emotion for the rest of?

Participant: Thank you.

And so when you feel clearer of that emotion, we'll answer your question whatever that will be.

What I'm going to start doing with you in the seminars is actually start addressing the addictions with you. Don't stop asking questions just because you hear what I'm about to say! (Laughter) But many of our questions are based around our addictions being met. So what we are going to do is we're going to try to focus on the emotional part of the question a lot. What the emotion is driving the question, rather than the question itself. So many times I will answer the question itself, but only firstly after we deal with the emotion driving the question itself. [01:44:29]

8.5. Many books are written about addictions

Participant: I'm really scared to talk to you, so that's my emotion, but there's a great book called, The Five Love Languages.

Yep.

Participant: I used to think it was really terrific. It talks about five different ways that people feel loved. I used to think it was great.

Isn't it a fantastic book?

Participant: But it tells you exactly what your addictions are.

You'll be surprised how many books that have been written on this planet that are supposedly about love, but are all just basically defining addictions.

There's this common concept that you have a need to be loved. Do you know that the need that you think you have to be loved is actually an emotional addiction and it's not even real?

The truth is actually that when we are loved completely as a child you grow up without the need to be loved, and instead you have a desire, not even a need, to give love. Now because none of us have grown up in that place, at this point we all have a need to be loved; that's a result. So what we do then is we go and make a book that tells us all about all the ways in which we need love, which are all about the addictions. I've heard people mention that book before. They said it was such an enlightening part of their lives and so forth, and I'm going, "Oh no," because it's actually a complete description of how you receive love, which is addictive in itself. Yeah, powerful. [01:46:22]

There are so many books like that, so many books that define the human race nowadays and define love that are actually about addictions that we have. When you get into a space where you feel loved completely by God, and this is the beauty of your relationship with God, you will not need love from anyone because intrinsically you are complete. You love yourself completely and you feel God's Love for you completely, and in that moment you are complete. You do not need love from any other person and ironically that is also the time when you are the most loving to every other person. Now the problem on the planet is we try to manufacture that state intellectually rather than being in that state emotionally. And if you deal with all your addictions with God you will get to that place emotionally, which is actually a very beautiful place to be.

9. Addictions with spirits

9.1. An example of a participant struggling to hear the discussion due to spirit influence

Participant: I don't know what's going on but I just feel confused by everything you are saying and I keep disappearing. I'm trying to hear it and I know I have a lot of addictions, I'm not really sure what's going on?

For those of you for whom that is happening right now, the reason why is quite easy to explain. This is you, obviously you are surrounded by people, but you've also got some co-dependent addictive relationships with spirits. All of us generally have these co-dependent addictive relationships with spirits. Now if you as a person start looking at your addictions and start processing your addictions, what happens to this group of spirits' addictions getting met through you? Can you see they are not going to get their addictions met through you anymore? Now can you see that that's quite a confronting place for them to be? They don't want to be in an audience where you're learning about processing addictions, when they are hooked into your addictions for their own addictions to be met. And they know it.

So what they do is they just try to shut you down. They project on you a heaviness, "Oh all of a sudden I could sleep now," and some of you even have described it in the past that you can't even hear, but it's like the words are not even going in. And what that is, is these spirits are projecting at you a huge desire for you to not deal with your addictive behaviours because they live off your addictive behaviour. So it's an indication that you've got some spirits with you who are in that space, and you need to look at why you're addicted to them. [01:49:23]

Spirits can project at us, making it difficult for us to hear or focus

Participant: Do you have any ideas what I am addicted to with them?

Well, there are literally thousands of reasons why we can be addicted to somebody. Remember I said that there are thousands of addictions so there must then follow that there's thousands of reasons. Of course for each individual the most powerful thing is to start discovering it yourself. So while I can certainly say what the hooks are, it's far better if you can go into the hooks yourself and actually start discovering; pray about them, pray about the hooks that you have with the spirits. And the way to deal with these spirits is when they do this to you, when do they make you feel a bit tired, and like, "Oh I've got to have a sleep now or I've got to go and have something to eat now," when they make you feel like this, notice the circumstances.

So this circumstance now is that you're being told about addictions, so that means there must be some addictions in you that these spirits don't want you to know about. Another circumstance might be, "My boyfriend or my husband, is sexually projecting at me," and I go into, "Oh, I'm a bit tired, I can't, you know." So now I know there are spirits that are somehow hooked into something inside of me avoiding sexual interaction. What's going on there? It might be that I come home from work quite exhausted and I sit down and within five minutes I'm asleep. Now, obviously that could be that I'm sleep deprived and I need to have some sleep, but a lot of times it could also mean that I'm actually avoiding the interactions that are going on at home. So notice when it's happening, and this is where we can take a lot of personal responsibility; just by noticing the circumstances under which these events occur. [01:51:22]

So allow yourself to see, "Alright, so I've either got some powers in the spirit world here, they've probably been with me for ages, I don't even really notice their personalities, I even sometimes think they're part of my own personality," and what's happening is under certain circumstances all of a sudden I feel tired, and there's no possible explanation other than something's happening spiritually. Because a lot of times we're alert, alert, alert, tired, alert, the change in us is that pronounced. We go from being alert to being tired instantly. Now obviously in a natural way you wouldn't go from being alert to being tired without there being some kind of emotional thing happening, so let yourself see the influence. The only way a spirit can control you is through your addictions. They can't physically get hold of you without their firstly being an addiction emotionally through which they can connect with you. And this is a powerful thing to understand about spirits; spirits can only affect you through addictions. [01:52:38]

9.2. Spirits create tiredness by sucking energy from us

Participant: AJ, when the spirits are there, they're present in your space potentially, you've got your addictions; they've been drawn to your space as a result of your addictions. And then for some reason your addictions are amplified. What is the process there of, how do they actually affect that drowsiness or that stupefaction? What is the transmission from them to you that causes that effect?

It's not actually the transmission from them to you; it's actually the transmission of them sucking from you.

Participant: They're extracting from you.

They're extracting from you.

Participant: But what is that? What is that power that they have, that causes that sucking?

They don't have power in it; it's what you give them and what you're getting in return. So let me illustrate, can I be specific and illustrate it in your case.

Participant: Yeah, go ahead.

An example of a man in addiction with male spirits wanting power and control

So with yourself, you are very mediumistic, so you've got a number of male spirits around you. Now these male spirits have some addictions of their own, and some of them are addicted to power and control. They feel they did not live a full life on Earth, they feel like they had a life cut short, and so now what they want to do is just live life in full on Earth. They have this feeling in them, and it's about their addiction of not wanting to feel sad about their shortened life on Earth.

A man has male spirits with him who want power and control

Now they're males and what they want to do is choose a person on Earth who's mediumistic, who is a powerful being in his own right. And then what they want to do is suck him dry of his power using emotional techniques to do it.

What the spirits with you are doing is this. They actually can feel how much you weren't valued by your father, and in fact not only just by your father, your mother too; your mum was quite domineering and overbearing, and I know you may not feel that right now, but when you don't do what she wants, what does she do? What did she do, when you didn't do what she wanted? [01:55:32]

Participant: Sorry, I'm not conscious of that.

Maybe your wife, Anna, might be able to answer it better. Peter never didn't do what his mother wanted because it was an automatic thing. So what happens with these male spirits in particular is there's a feeling of mateship that they have with you; that they feel they're mates with you and that they are helping you. They are helping you be powerful, they are helping you to enjoy your life, they actually even set up events around your life, influencing other people so that things go quite smoothly for you in your life, in particular with regard to finances, but also in regard to interactions with men in particular. They make sure that everything goes as smoothly as it can.

In return what they want from you is for you to act out some things for them sexually. Their feeling that they had a life cut short which means that they now can't actually have sexual interactions with women because there are no women around them at the moment where they are because the women wouldn't want to be around these spirits at the moment. And so what they do is they set up an interaction where if they can help this man become as powerful as he can possibly be then that means that there'll hopefully be all these women attracted to him that these male spirits can start having relationships with. They don't expect you to have the relationships, but they want to have relationships with them.

Male spirits wish to have relationships with women that are attracted to the man on Earth

Now, one of the things that is happening for yourself is that your hook into them is the desire to be valued as a male, the desire to be a strong male, and that causes them to be attracted to you because that's what they need in order to get their addictions met through you. And in the past, a lot of this began when you were taking drugs in the past? [01:58:06]

Participant: Sorry a lot of what began?

The actual attraction of the spirits began.

Participant: Yeah, possibly.

If you could think about that period of time in your life when you were taking drugs. I believe you were in Canada at the time, weren't you?

Participant: Yes.

Yep, if you can just feel about that time, you will actually feel times when you felt more energetic and buoyant than other times. Now during the times when you feel buoyant, they are often giving you something in order to get something in return. And often you feel tired afterwards, and one of the reasons why you've been drawn into meditation a lot is to actually recover from what they are drawing from you because when you go into meditation, you're actually now in a space where they can't connect to you as well. And since they can't connect to you as well, you then feel infused with energy from God basically and from other spirits, not the spirits who are drawing from you, and that gives you a feeling of energy, control and it tops you up ready for them to take from you again in a lot of ways.

So the way to disconnect from them is to work through the issues in particular with dad; the issues of desiring dad's attention, desiring dad's love, what you have to do to get dad's love. And I know dad's passed but a lot of it is about the sadness of his passing, but also the feeling of competition with dad. If you can allow yourself to feel about those feelings because they're what's causing this desire inside of you for men to surround you who will create the power. I feel that once you do that you will feel quite a bit different inside yourself. If you can also be sensitive in your interaction with women so perhaps talk to Anna about how she's felt in the interaction with you in the past in terms of like when she feels you're there and when she feels they're there. [02:00:30]

Almost all of you, in relationships at times, have felt when somebody else is present with you. Do you understand that feeling? Some of you have had it to a large degree so you have a pretty clear idea when they are present, but sometimes you feel you're not getting the person who's next to you, you're getting someone else instead. My suggestion at that point in time is just stop whatever you are doing. So if you're making love at that point, stop. If you're just walking with each other, just stop and just say, "I don't feel like I'm getting you now, someone else is present here, someone I don't really know very well, or it's a pattern that I see happening." And you might see it happen over certain times and this is where a person who knows you well can help a lot, just to help you identify the linkages.

With these male spirits with you, because they're addicted to the power, you're going to get quite exhausted with the interaction with them, but they also give you a lot of things, and that's your hook into them. So you know how you have this feeling sometimes where you go to a land or a property and you just know it's all going to work, you just have this feeling it's all going to work? These male spirits are the ones who set up a lot of those things for you. Higher spirits generally wouldn't bother about that kind of stuff, they're more interested in your emotions and feelings and your connection with God directly, but these other spirits are more interested in what physically can take place. So let yourself feel it, that moment you will know what your hook is as well.

9.3. Identifying our hooks into spirits that create addictions

And this is something for all of you to bear in mind; when you feel in the moment you will know the hook straight away. You don't need to ask about it very much, you can actually just focus on what's going on in the moment itself. So let's say I'm in a situation where I'm talking to maybe Mary and right in the moment, I feel really sad about my relationship with Mary. Then all of a sudden I find myself talking about music or talking about the food we're going to eat. What I need to do is just back track a little and go back to that moment and go, "Alright, I was feeling sadness about my relationship that I obviously didn't want to feel, but what got me onto the subject of food? How come that came about? What's happening there?" Allow myself to just back track and see the actual event that caused me to get out of that moment of the feeling and into this totally different state and allow myself to see the link. And when I allow myself to see the link, I'll also see the hook that I have into any spirits trying to help me get into that state. [02:03:41]

So if you can do that, what will happen is the spirits around you will often start becoming quite afraid because the spirits around you want this hook to remain intact. They want you to avoid feeling any addictions, particularly the addictions that allow them to have an emotional connection with you.

9.4. How spirits draw energy from us through addictions

At the soul level what's actually happening, Peter, because you asked the question about how they actually suck you dry, if you can imagine this is your soul and this is their soul. You've got these chakra points coming out of spirit body that has these points of energy vortexes. There are seven primary energy vortexes coming out, which people call the seven chakras. Now these chakras or energy vortexes are controlled by the emotion in the soul at any one point in time.

Emotions in our soul affect the energy coming out of the seven chakras in the spirit body

Now you have a whole series of vortexes down the rear of your body, which are all about your future intentions, and you have a whole series of vortexes down the front of your body, which are about your current emotions. So you've got emotions and intentions from the soul driving these energy vortexes.

Let's say the emotion inside of me is seeking dad's approval. Now this energy vortex is going to affect primarily my base and second chakra areas of my body, so there'll be a certain type of energy flowing out and a certain type of energy that this emotional injury creates that causes a conduit to only flow under certain conditions, and that is when a male gives me approval. So, for our spirit friend who also has a spirit body, and who also has a series of vortexes coming out of their body from there soul, if he's a male and he can see that the way he can connect into your body is by actually projecting at you a feeling of approval then you will open up this conduit between you and he via which energy can flow. [02:06:30]

Spirits (right) can connect to us (left) via our chakras if we have an emotional injury that matches theirs, and they can draw energy from us through the chakra

Participant: Is it done subconsciously?

It's done based on the emotion that you deny. You can also do it consciously, in other words do it on the emotions you accept, but for many of us we've got a combination of emotions we deny and emotions we accept and it's the emotions we deny, which we call the subconscious emotions, that cause this connection.

So if I've got this feeling that I don't want to actually feel that I never had dad's approval, my addiction is going to be seeking the male approval. The way I get approval from men on this planet generally is by being quite a powerful male and demonstrating that power in some way. You see a lot of men becoming physically big and into sport because other men admire a sportsman. You see a lot of guys becoming very powerful financially because other men admire financial power and so forth.

There are all these different emotions. So underneath that is this seeking of dad's approval, which turns into an addiction, and our addiction gets met by actually creating a situation in our life where we get approval, and the beauty is that in a way, it is a beautiful process. These spirits see that addiction and they actually project the emotion that I want at me through that addiction. But once they have that physical connection with me, they can now project other things through that connection and they can drop thoughts in my mind in that projection, because now I'm open to thoughts and feelings coming from them. [02:08:12]

9.4.1. An example of a man wanting other men's approval

Now to illustrate it in a physical environment; let's say you go along to the pub with a group of mates. If you're home by yourself, or with your wife only, and you're not with a group of mates, you'll often say very different things than when you're in a group at a pub with a group of mates. You'll often say different things. It might not mean that you feel them, but you'll often say them. And why do we say them? Because in the environment when we're at home if we said those same things we might get disapproval from our wife. So what we do is we don't say them there, but now when we're in the pub with our mates, there's no disapproval from our wife coming, so now we're a bit more open about what we might say and so we say other things.

It's the environment of the mates that caused us to be even more open. It might be that all of our mates have relationships with women who are a bit angry. So we all get together, go to the pub and we all talk about, "Oh she did that this week again and she did that." We're open about talking about it because our wives are not going to get angry with us because they can't hear the conversation. So we are more open and therefore more allowing of what our mates say to us as a result. So there's a dialogue that starts generating that we wouldn't normally have with our wife, but we're having it with our mate because there's certain emotions that get satisfied with this dialogue. And it's exactly the same with our connections with spirits.

9.5. Addictions involve compromising ourselves and come with a price

This is why addictions are the most powerful thing to deal with, even with spirits, because the addictions actually open us up emotionally to receive things, but only certain things, and they close down emotionally to block other things, and it's the addictions that often control that. [02:10:09]

You see, if I was in a completely loving state I would actually be open to everything, but not responding to anything, without it being part of my desire. So what happens with our addictions is there is always the compromise that occurs.

Every addiction comes with a price and the price is the compromise of yourself that you're going to have to make to get the addiction met. So let me illustrate that perhaps. Let's say I have the addiction that I badly want a woman's attention. And let's say I badly want the woman's sexual attention. Let's say that's my addiction. I want sexual attention from the woman because as a male I feel like I'm not very sexy to the woman. That's the underlying causal emotion. So I want the sexual projection from the woman. But how do you get sexual projections from women? A lot of times many women won't give you a sexual projection just in its own right. What they'll do is they'll want to feel like you're going to give them security before they'll give you a sexual projection. So if a male's going to give them security, now they're willing to project sexually at that male.

So the emotional addiction is that I need the sexual projection from a woman to feel good about myself. What's my compromise? My compromise is that I have to make the woman feel secure and safe before she'll sexually project at me. So what I do and spend a lot of my life doing is running around trying to make every woman in my life safe and secure so that I can get the sexual projection that makes me feel like I am a good male. Now, I might not even act upon the sexual projection, it's just so that I can get it so that I feel good about myself as a male. And it's the compromise that actually causes most of our problem with our addictions; the willingness to compromise. [02:12:35]

9.6. Spirits can set things up in our lives as part of our co-dependent addictions

So when it comes to spirit interactions we are often very willing to compromise because of what those spirits who are with us are giving us. But we are also often very unwilling to see at the same time what they're giving us, because most of the time we want to feel that it came from within ourselves. We want to believe that it was us that created something when it wasn't, but we don't want to believe that it was some spirits with us.

If we started facing the fact that there are spirits with us giving us these emotions, what would we do? We'd feel a bit sleazy, and it would taint the whole experience. So what we often do is feel, "Out of sight, out of mind." That way we can ignore what's actually happening, we can pretend they're not there, and that's fine. "They're all gone now. Yeah I'm sure they're all gone now." And now what I can do is I can go, "Yeah that was all created just because of me, and what I felt and what I did. Aren't I good?" And I can feel really good about myself, not realising that actually a lot of these feelings are coming from somebody else because of my addiction and I'm compromising. So you've got to be really honest with yourself when it comes to spirit-based addictions. They're very, very hard to deal with because you need to be so honest.

10. The Law of Attraction is driven by desire and emotions

Participant: AJ I've got a bit confused now with respect to Law of Attraction. Since the Law of Attraction is God's Messenger of Truth to us, if we've got good things happening to us and things falling into place in our lives, that to me seems like it's...

Seems like a good thing, right.

Participant: Yeah it's a good thing, but if those sorts of things can happen through dark spirits giving us things so that they can suck things out of us, how do we tell the difference?

Well, it's quite easy by your own exhaustion you can usually tell, but let's look at the Law of Attraction specifically. You're forgetting that there are two things that drive the Law of Attraction. Desire is one of them and the other one is emotional injuries; your emotional state. Now what I've talked about is your emotional state driving the Law of Attraction, but your desires also do drive your Law of Attraction.

10.1. Our addictive desires can drive the Law of Attraction

So if my desire is to feel powerful, there's a desire in me to feel powerful. It can be still be an addiction, and it can be an addiction disharmonious with love. Yet I may get to feel powerful, because my desire is so powerful that it creates circumstances in which I become powerful. So the truth is that it is a mixture of both desire and unhealed emotion that create your Law of Attraction, not just unhealed emotion. So you can have a desire to be powerful and that desire be brought about, just from your desire.

How many of you have watched "The Secret"? There was a guy on there who talked about how he had a picture of a house that he put on the wall, and then five years later he looked at the house that he was in and he knew it was the picture of the house that was on his wall. What caused that? It was his desire. Was his desire pure? Why does he have a desire for a five million dollar mansion that uses up ten times the amount of energy than a house that he could normally live in, and it has a humongous pool that he never uses and he's using all these resources of the Earth? If everyone on the planet used the same resources we'd need five Earths to supply it. Is all of that loving? No, but he did have a pure desire and a pure desire certainly can create your Law of Attraction. [02:16:48]

What I'm talking about here is bringing all of your desires into harmony with Divine Love. You might think you might desire to have a five million dollar mansion now, but once you bring all of your desires into harmony with Divine Love you might not desire that thing anymore, and that would prove that that desire was actually based around an emotional injury. Your desires are just as powerful in your Law of Attraction as your emotions. In fact the reality is your desires are even more powerful in your Law of Attraction than your emotions, and that's why I talked to you recently about "God's Laws - Law of Desire", and how powerful it is. But you can have desires that are disharmonious with love and get them met. That's how the majority of people on Earth damage themselves; by having a desire that's not harmonious with love and having it met. So, you could think of your addictions as desires out of harmony with love and they create your Law of Attraction.

10.2. An example of a man's Law of Attraction with money and with relationships with women

Participant: How do I tell the difference? I've always considered that I have a pretty good Law of Attraction. For example; for the first time in my life when I have a decent amount of money, I've got money to put into The Sanctuary, you know.

Can I point out to you and everyone, that everyone has a perfect Law of Attraction? So I don't know why you consider yours as a good Law of Attraction and somebody else's bad, because the reality is that all of us have a perfect Law of Attraction. [02:18:17]

Participant: Yeah, I'm aware of that.

When you say you have a pretty good Law of Attraction, really aren't you talking about your monetary Law of Attraction?

Participant: I'm talking about my desires being fulfilled.

No, you're not talking about your desires being fulfilled, because I can think of ten desires that you currently have that are not being fulfilled. You can think of more than that, so can you say you've got a pretty good Law of Attraction with those desires?

Participant: No.

No, so there must be an emotional injury affecting those. The truth is when you say pretty good Law of Attraction; you have a perfect Law of Attraction. Your Law of Attraction is based upon pure desire often mixed with emotions and those things create all sorts of circumstances, some of which feel good to you and other ones feel bad to you. Like your relationship with women isn't that crash hot, is it? [02:19:10]

Participant: No, it's never been all that great.

Yeah, so in that area of your Law of Attraction, which is perfect in that area too, is demonstrating to you that actually there must be some addictions and emotions that need to be worked through there. But how's your Law of Attraction with regard to getting anything you want physically, in terms of buying things you want?

Participant: Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Participant: Even if I don't have money I seem to, things seem to happen.

Everything seems to come along and you seem to get what you want.

Participant: Yeah.

You enjoy your life in that regard?

Participant: Yeah.

So you know that there's probably less you need to work on in that area than in the other area of your relationship with women.

Participant: So could my desires being fulfilled in a monetary sense be like you were talking about i.e. spirits doing that for me, rather than it being more God involved?

Why did you ask that question and not the question, "How come I'm not getting my desires met with my relationships?" See, you've asked me a question that there can only be a good answer to. [02:20:38]

Participant: No, the answer could be that all these good things that happen to me is all the result of spirits giving me things because they have some hook into me. That's what's worrying me.

Why would that be worrying you and not the relationship issue?

Participant: Well, I guess it would mean that I'd been fooling myself; I'd been in self deception thinking that these good things are happening.

But, Graham, you're just expressing another addiction. The addiction you currently have is that you want to avoid the relationship issue. You're bringing up a secondary issue, which is nowhere near as important to your happiness as the relationship issue, and in which you've already said you're quite happy with. So why are you worried about something you're quite happy with, but you're not concerned about something that's quite distressing? You can only be asking me the question because you're worried about the happy thing, not happening anymore. [02:21:45]

Participant: Yeah, fear of losing it.

Yeah, the thing that's unhappy is like a mountain that we're avoiding. We're skirting around the mountain of relationship, and we're talking about a totally different issue that actually you're already happy with, and which you've got a little bit of fear about that you might lose. You're actually skirting right around this big mountain here of relationship and you didn't want to ask a question about that one. Can you see how you're in an addiction even with the question?

Participant: Yep.

Wouldn't it be better to go, "Alright, who knows what's happening with this abundance thing, but my life's pretty good, I'm pretty happy with it? And yes I am afraid of losing it," so I write that down. "I'm afraid of losing my abundance. There's an emotion I need to deal with at some point, but let's focus on this bigger thing. I am desperately unhappy in my relationships with women. I can't seem to be able to have a relationship with women without there being all sorts of issues come up and I can't get to my emotions about it." Let's look at that issue. And then the question becomes, "Well why don't I want to look at that issue? What's my addiction to not looking at that issue?" And can you see how your penchant for a lot of external things that you do is about avoiding the relationship issue?

The truth is that much of the yacht, the back pack, the flying, all the other things that you do, a lot of it is done because you feel bad about the relationship issue not being fulfilled, and these are ways in which you can get out of that and feel quite happy and good about yourself as a male. So there's some desire in there of feeling quite good about yourself as a male. You've got some things you do that are dangerous things really; sometimes they don't seem dangerous to you but they are probably more dangerous than the average fellow would continue to do.

By the way, Graham straps a motor on his back and goes flying, so that gives you an idea that he has not much fear when it comes to being a thousand metres up in the air looking down on you with just a little parachute attached to his back with a flying machine. So there's obviously not much fear in you about all those kinds of things and you do those kinds of things to avoid relationships many times. It helps you get away with how bad you feel in this other area of your life. And that's a perfect example of how an addiction leads you to a desire that creates a life, but actually there's still this great hole in the life in another area that you ignore. [02:24:39]

So, while I haven't answered you're question, I've addressed the issue of why often you are questioning me on issues that are nothing to do with the major issue that's in your life that you feel sad about.

Participant: That I'm avoiding.

That you're avoiding

Participant: Yeah. [02:24:56]

Processing Addictions: Part 2

As you may know and already have guessed, I'm not in great form today. So I'll apologise in advance for that. I'm still working through a lot of my personal feelings about myself and that's been coming up a lot over the last week, but with not much time to actually process it because we've been so busy doing different things. So that gets me into this state where I'm not as clear as I could be. So hopefully tonight I'll deal with some things and tomorrow might be a different day.

But let's get back to the processing the addictions. I want to give you basically just a series of tools if you like that can help you work your way through addictions and get yourself to the causal emotion.

11. Tool 1 for processing addictions: I want to know ALL of my addictions

The first step is: I want to know ALL of my addictions. The truth is that the majority of us don't really want to know any of our addictions, because what we really want is for our addictions to be met by somebody else rather than having to come face to face with the fact that we've got some. So this first step requires quite a lot of prayer, and when I say prayer, remember prayer is a sincere desire or longing directed towards God.

So let's say I can see that I have a really strong aversion inside of myself to knowing all of my own addictions. What we do firstly is we start talking to God about that, so start saying to God, "I've really got a strong aversion to knowing about them. I don't really want to know them. That's the truth; I don't really want to know them. I can see that because I don't really want to know them, then I can't get closer to you, so I can see that it's interfering with my relationship, but I can see also that I somehow need to generate some kind of a desire to know my own addictions." [00:02:22]

So what I would do is in my prayer to God under those circumstances is talk to God about how I can generate a desire to know my addictions and why I am so afraid about knowing them. Now, one of the biggest reasons why we have fear associated with knowing our addictions is because once we do know them we will feel a feeling of self disgust, or you could call it shame.

11.1. An example of a married man sexually projecting at women

Now to give you an idea of what kind of shame you may be facing, let's imagine for a moment that your wife or husband has accused you of sexually projecting at other people. So let's say you're the husband and your wife has said to you, "You sexually project at other women all the time." If we look at that from an energetic, an emotional perspective (and this is something that I did bring up in the first century by the way, and it was just as confronting to the people then as what you're going to probably find it confronting now), every time I sexually project at another person I am actually entering a physical sexual relationship with that person.

In fact, in the first century I said, "Just by looking at her in that way, you have committed adultery with her." From a soul perspective, here's what's happening; if I'm projecting sexually there's a sexual emotion coming from me towards them and if they accept that, that enters them, so it is actually a physical sexual interaction. [00:04:37]

Sexual projections are a sexual relationship at the soul level

And what do we do here on the planet? We go, "Oh well I didn't touch her and you know, it doesn't matter how you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home," and all that kind of stuff. These are all the justifications, but the reality is that there's a sexual thing going on. I'll put it this bluntly; at the soul level I'm fondling her and she's fondling me. A lot of times we wouldn't consider that I'm fondling her sexually and she's fondling me sexually just by having this sexual interaction happening. Now once you come to terms with that emotionally which is a pretty big thing. One of the first emotions we feel is a judgement of it and we go into self disgust and self shame. We become ashamed of our own behaviour.

11.2. Fear of our shame blocks us from wanting to see our addictions

Now, it's often our fear of the shame that causes us to not want to know all of our addictions. We don't want to see ourselves as we really are, but you see to be at-one with God we need to see ourselves as we really are; we need to see ourselves as God sees us. Now God doesn't feel disgust at you, but God does notice you fondling every woman that you project at, or every man that you project at sexually; God does notice that as an actual sexual interaction that's occurring. That's what God sees. We don't judge it that way because the physical act isn't happening and so we then justify it, but from God's perspective, that's what's going on.

So what I need to do is go, "Alright, I have to deal with the fact that there are some things inside of me that I am going to personally judge as disgusting or shameful." Now the actual action of judging myself and calling those things disgusting and shameful is actually in itself an error that I do need to release at some point. But it is certainly not loving to have constant sexual interactions that are based on addictions with many women. It's not a very loving act, so obviously we need to deal with that. [00:07:04]

11.3. Praying to God for assistance with seeing our addictions

So when it comes to "I want to know all of my addictions" the biggest impediment to knowing all of them is our fear of how it's going to make us feel. And if you can go and pray a lot to God about the fact that you are capable, and God built you to be able to feel all of your emotions, then you will have far less fear about what may come up when you see what you do. And so my suggestion is, really focus on firstly; do I really want to know all of my addictions? Pray about that and by the way, with every one of these steps I'm going to raise with you, prayer for me is a core part of every one of these steps; in other words, being in a sincere place in that.

See I can say I want to know all of my addictions and then someone comes along and tells you, "Oh, did you realise that you do this all the time?" "No I don't see that, no." Well, they give you a few examples and you say, "Nah I still don't see that." What's happening now? You're saying you want to know all of your addictions and you get an opportunity through the Law of Attraction that somebody brings one of them to you and what do you do? You reject it. So do you really want to know all of your addictions? You'd be better off saying, "I don't want to know any of my addictions." Talk to God about that. Be truthful about whether you do want to know or not. Most of the time we are not very truthful with ourselves, a lot of times we don't want to know, so be truthful with God about that. "The truth is God, I know this is affecting our relationship, but the truth is that I don't really want to know what I am really like because I'm scared to death of it. What if I'm really bad? What if there's an emotion inside of me that's like paedophilia? What if that's there? How's that going to feel? Or what if there's an emotion inside of me where I feel like murdering people?" [00:09:28]

I was talking to one lady for a while and she said, "Nah, I haven't got anything inside of me, I'm pretty fine I think," and then after about half an hour she said, "Actually now that I feel about it, I would like to get a gun and shoot everybody on this planet." Now that's a big progression from not having any emotional damage! (Laughter) So the truth is that that emotion must have been in her for her to get to the point of voicing that, but we can be totally oblivious. Now does anyone want to feel that emotion? Probably not; most of us would say, "I don't want to feel that emotion", and judge anybody who does.

So, I was going to bring up something in Mary's workshop again. There was an exercise that you will learn about in the workshop that actually brings you face to face with some very dark feelings that you have inside of you towards other people. And if you really go with it, you'll learn a lot about yourself. But bear that in mind that often we don't want to know our addiction because we're so afraid of the darkness within. God doesn't judge this darkness that's within; we are judging it, but God doesn't judge it. God still loves you unconditionally even with this darkness within. But if we want to be closer to God and also closer to ourselves, we need to know what it is and release it from ourselves and that's going to require some courage on our part. [00:11:26]

12. Receiving Divine Love to the point of at-onement with God

Participant: AJ when you say God loves us all unconditionally and then there's the whole situation about us drawing Divine Love into our souls. Can you just talk about those two differences?

They're not different, so let's firstly look at what going on. Here's God and here's me. God loves me unconditionally and totally desires for me to feel that love that God has for me, all the time. So God has a strong longing one hundred percent of the time to give you her love, without conditions. There are no conditions, you can't earn it; it is a gift that She wants to give you. But what's happening inside of us emotionally is we are blocked to receiving it and our blockages are under the control of our will.

12.1. Blockages such as unworthiness prevent God's Love flowing into our soul

So to give you an example; if I feel really bad about myself, it's very hard for me to let somebody else love me without me crying. It's very hard, if I feel really bad about myself, that I'm a disgusting person, and somebody comes along and says, "Oh I really love you, you're a beautiful person," if I'm connected with my emotions, I will probably instantly just burst out crying.

That actually happened five minutes ago. I was outside, somebody was sitting there and they asked me to spend a bit of time with them and then they felt bad about that and I said, "Actually I love you as my own daughter," and she just burst out crying, and she's still outside crying actually. So why does that happen? Because we feel rejecting of that love, we can't contemplate that somebody loves us in that way. So what actually happens inside of us emotionally, and this is where the emotional work obviously is important; it's like we've got a blockage blocking God's Love that's always there ready to flow into us, but we've got all of these blockages of letting it flow into us. [00:13:57]

Our emotional blockages prevent God's Love entering us

One of those blockages might be that I don't want to be open and vulnerable. So you try being in a love relationship with someone who's not vulnerable. Does it work very well? You try to give them some love and they think that you're giving it because you want something in return, and there are all these different things that they think that your love is, even though it's just a pure gift. And what we're doing with God is the same thing; we've basically got this haze of all of these emotional injuries that cause us to reject the flow of love into us. So while God has all this love for us and it is unconditional, we ourselves using our own will, reject the flow of that love into ourselves, and because God honours our free will, He honours that we are rejecting his love. In other words, He doesn't force our soul to receive that love until we decide we wish to and that's where our longing becomes a part of it. [00:15:05]

If I long for it, now my soul becomes open and vulnerable, now I'm ready to receive. The problem is with longing is a lot of our longing is distorted. And I've given the example quite frequently of how to develop a longing; this happened to me exactly when I first met Mary.

12.2. Developing a pure longing - the example of when AJ met Mary

I was sitting in the room, Mary was over in the corner, and I'm feeling, "There's my soulmate." Well for a start it's not just, "There's my soulmate"; it's like this girl I've been hanging out for, for forty years, and there she is. The very first time I met her again for forty years, I've got all these feelings, but I go, "What do I do, what do I do?" And my own unworthiness prevented me from just going straight up to her and saying, "Mary you're my soulmate and I've been waiting for you for forty years." (Laughter) My own unworthiness prevented that, so what did I do instead of that? I'm standing there (AJ stands and has a trembling body), I don't know what to do, and she comes up and she wants to talk to me. And I'm dribbling, I don't know what to say, but basically what's happening is my own feelings are interfering with the possible transaction.

Now Mary's said to me since that she wished that the very first time I met her that I actually went up and said that to her. And at one point in time she was quite upset with me that I didn't because eventually, through a series of events, somebody else found out because of my own feelings when I was home and there were visitors at home. And then somebody else found out, then somebody else found out, then somebody else found out and then that somebody else told Mary's parents and then Mary's parents finished up telling Mary. And all of that happened because I felt unworthy and I rejected it. I rejected it; not her. She didn't even know what was going on really at that point. So this is what we have going on with God a lot; we're in this constant place of rejecting God's Love flowing into us and that's why we need to go through these other things. [00:17:27]

12.3. As we progress towards at-onement the barrier to receiving God's Love diminishes

Participant: So that barrier diminishes as we pray and ask for Divine Love and as we clear our own emotional state?

Yep, it's like sort of lessening it, lessening it even further, lessening it even further and as soon as the last barrier goes, at that moment you will be at-one with God, because the Love from God will constantly be flowing into your soul if you long for it. So at the moment where there are no more barriers you will actually be at that moment, at-one with God. From that moment on, God's Love will be flowing into you like a constant stream of water being poured into your soul and you'll never be without it, you'll never feel apart from God after that point. It will just keep flowing and flowing and flowing and flowing and flowing. [00:18:11]

When we have no more blockages to receiving God's Love we will become at-one with God

Participant: Beautiful.

It just requires a bit of work in between. (Laughter) You're laughing about the "bit of work" because you still don't believe it's a bit of work really. Can I just point out to you that actually there are only seven spheres of development until at-onement with God? There are fourteen spheres of development that we know of at this point after that. So what does that tell you? That by the time you're at-one with God a third of the issue is going to be gone, but there's a lot more truth to learn, and after that it will all be joyful. We're just going through this painful part because of the first seven spheres of crap that we've got to work out through the human condition. And it feels hard because if we're part of the first group of the first people doing it, we have the resistance of the rest of the world to work against in the process, and that that makes it quite difficult, along with our own addictions. Well, when we say our own addictions, we're talking about everyone's addictions in the universe, including the spirits that are around us; they just have addictions too, they're no different to us.

13. Recognising the extent of our addictions (continued)

13.1. An example of a female participant's angry father

Participant: Thank you, AJ, I think all what you talked about this morning, I've been going through in the last few days, and I know at some stage I did long to see more. My question is about my father. He's very negative, very opinionated, very, very judgemental, always has been. I do find I have anger. So when you're trying to look at your addictions, when do you actually learn the difference between the people that are really truly telling you with love in their heart and the people that are just plain dealing with their own judgements and beliefs?

Well firstly everyone is just really dealing with their own judgements and beliefs, but let's just look at what you just said. You said you were talking about your father and he is...? [00:20:55]

Participant: He's very judgemental and opinionated and he's very negative in a lot of ways.

Can you see that when you say, "He is," you're not actually looking at what "I am"?

Okay, so now how many of you would feel upset about a person like that? Frankly most of us. So what's my response? What would you feel if you had a father like that? Most of us would feel angry; "How dare he be judgemental towards me?" He's always opinionated, he doesn't ever listen to my opinion, and he's negative. I try and do something positive in my life and what does he say about it? He just craps on it, so I'm upset about that.

Now remember what we said earlier? Every time we feel anger we are living in an addiction and our addiction is not getting met.

13.1.1. Recognising our addictions from how we want others to behave

So my angry, judgemental, opinionated, negative father for some reason isn't meeting my addictions. What would be the addictions I would have? What I need to look at is what do I want to feel from him instead of those feelings. So let's look at the opposite. What do we want to feel from him instead of angry? [00:22:48]

Audience: Peace.

Peaceful with him, right. Instead of judgemental, what do we want to feel?

Audience: Acceptance.

Acceptance. Even if we're wrong, we'd like to have acceptance. Instead of feeling an opinionated man, what would we rather feel?

Audience: Listens to me, unjudged.

So he listens to me, or he listens to my opinions. Instead of negative, what would you like him to be?

Audience: Positive.

Positive.

There are my addictions! (Laughter) You laugh, and you say, "Hang on a second, AJ are you saying that me wanting peace in my life is an addiction?" And I'm saying, "Yeah, it's actually true." You say, "Hang on a second; you're saying to me that wanting acceptance is an addiction?" I'm saying, "Yeah, actually that's true too." "And what about somebody listening to me? Everybody wants someone listening to them?" "Yeah, everyone's in an addiction with it. And everyone wants you to be positive all the time, and that's an addiction too." [00:24:01]

So all of these addictions cover over something, because I know that I am wrong because my initial response was anger. And if my initial response is anger, does anger love? No, so what would happen if I were in a loving space and this angry, judgemental, opinionated, negative man comes up to me? I'd give him a hug and say, "I love your angry, judgemental, opinionated self. But, you know, I don't know if I want to spend much time with you, but that's the way it goes." But you wouldn't feel these terrible feelings about it inside of yourself. [00:24:45]

If you're at-one with God, would you feel like going, "You're a terrible man, you're a stupid idiot." Would you start projecting back at him? You wouldn't, would you? So the fact that I am means he is my Law of Attraction, and of course if he's my father he's created a lot of my Law of Attraction anyway; he's in this to expose my addictions regarding these areas of peace, acceptance, listens to me, positive.

So what about my addiction to peace? When things are peaceful, what do I feel? Safe and secure, so can you see I'm starting to identify that I must have some fears about an angry person making me feel unsafe? Why would an angry person make me feel unsafe? If I was at-one with God, would I ever feel unsafe? Of course I wouldn't because when you're at-one with God, it's like God's on your side. Who else do you need on your side? If the creator of the universe is on your side, does it matter if nobody else is? Of course not. So the fact that it does means that I have some fear to process about a lack of peace. That's probably related to something in my childhood about dad being angry and I was afraid, and he brought home with him angry spirits perhaps as well. So not only was he angry, but there were all these spirits that were angry projecting at me as well, and I'm feeling a frightened little child and I want him now to stop doing that. I want him to stop being angry and start being peaceful so I don't have to feel this afraid little child that's in me. And so I project at him, "Don't you be angry with me, don't you be angry with me, and you get angry with me; I'm going to get angry with you for me not feeling safe anymore." [00:26:41]

So really what's happening is every time you list something about the other person, you're really wise if you can also make a list about what the addictions are as to why have you noticed all of these things in this other person. It's not so much you noticing them, it's when you're angry about them that tells you that you must have an addiction. Like it's one thing to notice them, but another to respond in anger.

When I feel your dad through you too I agree he's angry, judgemental, opinionated and negative, but mind you he isn't all of those things; I would put it that he has those injuries, I agree. [00:27:21]

13.1.2. We can avoid our fear by going out of body

Participant: Yeah and that's the thing, AJ, because there are times when he can carry on and I can sit there really peaceful and there are times where it's a very physical thing in me and then I tune in and go, "What's the matter? I can feel so much anger." I think when it's like the "Desiderata" of people that are vexations to the spirit, they say move and I've had times where people have been really violently in a rage and I have just been so calm and something comes over me.

But can I suggest to you that you, often in violently angry situations go out of body. In other words, you detune from the situation. Many of us do this automatically, so my suggestion is in the next violently angry situation that you have, which I'm sure you must be still attracting, allow yourself to stay in your body and see how you feel bodily.

Participant: Well I did that once; it was like little electrodes going off in my body all the time and I kept thinking, "What do I do?"

Exactly. What you do is breathe and feel it, breathe and feel it, breathe and feel it. Diaphragmatically breathe and just keep feeling it.

Participant: And the second question following onto that is when you are sensitive or mediumistic and I go in mostly with the man and you go in and you're friendly and you're happy and like you're saying, and after a while you can feel that sexual fondling going on and it's like this is not where I am coming from. I usually disappear and I haven't physically dealt with it because I can feel it and that's not what I want.

We need to find out what's underneath that. We'll go through this process of all the different things we can do to get through to feel our causal emotions. Can everybody see how when you make a list of other people's stuff, you are also making at the same time a list of your own addictions really. The woman doesn't listen to me, so what's my addiction? I want the woman to listen to me. What's underneath that? Oh, I probably wasn't listened to as a child from my mother. Do you see how there is a whole link of things there. The woman doesn't find me sexually attractive; I'm not sexually attractive. Why's that? There's got to be something about my dad or my mum in amongst all of that. My mum might have suppressed sexuality, which meant that I had to suppress mine, or my dad might have been overtly sexual and I was ashamed of him, and so I've tuned out of my own sexuality as a result. But with every single list we make about the other person that annoys us and makes us upset and angry, it is covering the actual list inside of ourselves of our addiction.

14. Tool 2 for processing addictions: List everything that "makes" us angry

So, what's the next thing we need to do? The first tool I talked about, where we want to know all of our addictions, is an attitude. It's a desire that needs to grow. The desire of wanting to know about it no matter how shameful it makes me feel, no matter how disgusting it makes me feel, no matter how afraid of it I am, I want to know. We need to develop this desire within us to know. So what do we do next?

After we've develop a desire in us to know, what I would suggest to do as a tool is to make a list of everything that "makes" you angry. Now, the definition of anger is; slight annoyance, mild frustration, frustration, annoyance, you're being controlled, manipulated, all those things are all part of the anger-based emotions. So, anything that gives you mild annoyance, anything that gives you mild frustration; all of those things, write them all down because underneath every one of them is an expectation. [00:31:55]

15. Tool 3 for processing addictions: Define our expectations

So that's the next thing; define your expectations.

15.1. All expectations are unloving

Remember that ALL expectations are unloving.

The expectation you have to be loved; that's an unloving expectation. The expectation you have that someone doesn't treat you badly; that's an expectation that's unloving in you too. All expectations are unloving.

What kind of expectations does God have of you? Zero. And when you're at-one with God, you will have zero. Imagine living with a person with no expectations. Wouldn't that be pretty amazing? You don't have to do anything for them, or anything to them to be loved. It's pretty amazing that, isn't it? Well the truth is, you're living with one every day and you're rejecting Him. See God's that person. We don't want that a lot of the times, we reject that a lot of the times. We think we want it, but we keep pushing it away.

So define all of your expectations. Your anger tells you your expectations. Your annoyance, frustrations and all of those; they all tell you your expectations. So you define your expectations. The reason why is because you're not going to look at any of them emotionally until you admit to yourself that you've got them. You're just going to skip over them completely all the time. If we define them and if we write them down all the time, we know what makes us angry, so therefore we know what our expectations are. I expect a man loves me. I expect the woman to put the dinner on the table at six thirty. Our expectations can be physical or emotional or spiritual for that matter. And all of them are going to be unloving, but we need to define them, we need to see what they are, remembering they're all unloving. [00:34:19]

Now, this isn't a judgement of me, this is just the truth; all expectations are unloving because God doesn't have expectations of me. God doesn't expect anything of me so therefore anytime I expect something of another person I am being unloving. It's just quite that simple and it's not a judgement, it's just a statement of truth.

So instead of judging myself about how unloving I've been; when we start writing our expectation list; "Oh yeah I expect that, I expect that, I expect that, oh yeah I expect that too, I expect that", and over the page, "I expect that" and over the page and so forth. And after you get to six or seven or eight pages of them, you start going, "Gee whiz, what kind of person am I?" Remember I said you might have a thousand addictions, or two? Every one of those addictions covers over an expectation. They're driven by an expectation.

So I'm starting to get to the eighth page and if there's twenty a page, that's like two hundred, and I'm starting to feel, "Gee whizz, who wants to know any more about me?" (Laughs) That's a judgement; I'm now in judgement of myself because the truth is all of my expectations usually were created in my childhood by my environment. So by me getting all down upon myself about what I've now got inside of myself, I'm really judging myself and that's not helpful either. I just need to be truthful about what's there. Just allow yourself to be truthful.

So I've now defined my expectations and I've now realised they're all unloving, even though most of them feel like they're not unloving. We go, "How can that be unloving? You're telling me that, no that doesn't sound right to me, like I know it sounds unloving, but I still should be able to have it," and we have all of this blame going on. So when we start talking to people about their emotions, often times they say, "But the other person yelled at me, they yelled at me." I say, "Yeah, I know and you're unloving right now." "But they yelled at me, why aren't you saying they're unloving?" I just say, "Well, they are unloving, but you're unloving right now too." We want the person to point out the other person's stuff, but we're not very happy to look at our own stuff. [00:36:42]

So the beauty of doing this is we're starting to have an openness and a humility to look at our own stuff, and that's a very powerful tool with your connection with God. You see the primary thing that prevents you from receiving Divine Love is the fact that we're unwilling to look at our own stuff. So wouldn't it pay to look at our own stuff as a high priority? Of course. So that's why these kinds of tools are helpful.

15.2. Seeing ourselves without judgment or self-punishment

So we've prayed about wanting to know all of our addictions, we've written down as part of the exercise everything that makes us angry. We realise everything that makes us angry is linked to an expectation, so let's start writing down all of our expectations, so we write all of them down. We're now sitting there thinking, "Shit, (Laughter) I'm a shocking person, I'm terrible, and I'm bad." Now we're out of harmony with our love of self as well, and that's another addiction. Why do you want to punish yourself? Probably because you were punished in your childhood, and you just want to keep it going, and that's an addiction too. What we need to do is stop punishing ourselves and start getting real with ourselves. We punish ourselves so we can avoid punishment from others or avoid feeling bad of course. [00:38:03]

So the main reason why we punish ourselves is because we're avoiding punishment from others. The addiction in the childhood is if I as the child recognise what's wrong with me before mum and dad do, then when mum and dad want to hit me, I'll have already gone through it emotionally and worked it all out and they won't feel like hitting me anymore. So we have a lot of addictions based around that, but let's keep going.

16. Tool 4 for processing addictions: What fear causes the expectation?

So we decide that "I want to know all of my addictions", we make a list of everything that makes you angry, and we define our expectations; we are yet really to process emotion except for perhaps the emotion of "I'm bad". We're probably in that by this stage. So what do we do next? What do we do? We need to get somehow from the expectation into the emotional reason why we have the expectation.

Discover, and make a list if you want, of what fear causes the expectation? Now for many of us, when you get to the stage of defining your expectations, many of you will automatically get into emotions many times, because just the process of actually describing the expectations to yourself opens you up emotionally and you start actually connecting to why you have those expectations, and that often straight away triggers you emotionally. But if it doesn't, if we make a list about the fears related to the expectations. [00:39:44]

16.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night

So, I have an expectation that a woman makes my dinner at six o'clock every night. So what's the fear under that expectation? The woman's demonstrating to me, through making my meal, that she loves me. That's what I feel obviously, but initially I might not even get that deep. I might just say that the meal should be on my table at six o'clock. That's when I get home from work, or that's when I want to eat. So my expectation is that I want to eat at six o'clock. Why do I want to eat at six o'clock? There's got to be some reason as to why I want to eat at six o'clock. Could be simple, like mummy fed me at six o'clock? It could be that, and why is it from a woman that I need to be fed? Why can't a man make the meal?

Participant: She's got breasts.

She's got breasts! (Laughter) (AJ waves his hand indicating that is not true) Ladies, there's very little emotion related to the fact that you've got breasts. Trust me. You don't believe that. (Laughter)

Every, remember every emotional addiction enters us when we're not in a state generally to even be intellectually cognisant of what's occurring. So does the child know mummy's got a breast when the child is just born? No it doesn't know. All it's doing is feeling the nurturing from mummy.

So when you go to me, "Oh it's because of women's breasts, I wasn't nurtured when I was little," that's just an intellectual argument you're using. The truth is at the time that you were being suckled by your mother, you did not have even the intellectual awareness of what was occurring. So then how can you know that it's about that now? The truth is you will just feel an emotion and if you're not feeling an emotion and you think this is all about me not being suckled by my mum with her breast, it's all about a spirit telling you what they think the emotion is and it's certainly not the actual emotion. The actual emotion will be "I wasn't nurtured", and that's got nothing to do with breasts. Do you see what I am saying? You can be nurtured from a male just as much as you can be nurtured by a female and it's got nothing to do with the woman's breasts. Sorry, I'm just trying to confront a lot of your New Age belief systems. [00:42:22]

Anyway, let's get back to this one. What fear causes the expectation? So underneath the fear of coming home, there's not a meal on the table, I've been working all day and my woman has not made my meal. She doesn't even care enough about the fact that I have been working all day for her. (Laughter) Now that anger obviously covers a fear. So what's the fear that causes that? Well the fear is that she doesn't love me; my woman actually doesn't love me, and you feel she's just demonstrated it by not having the meal ready at the time that you feel it should be ready.

So, what emotion am I avoiding? I'm avoiding feeling unloved by my wife. I feel unloved by my wife and instead of saying actually, "Darling I feel unloved by you," in that moment, what we normally do instead is we get upset and angry because we don't even want to feel the feeling of being unloved in that real situation right there and then. But if we could learn to voice it, "Actually I feel unloved right now" and she says, "Yeah go with that (Laughter), let's see where that takes you," because the truth is, she's made 365 meals for you this year already, and if you're not feeling loved after that, something's wrong.

17. Tool 5 for processing addictions: Be completely truthful about how we feel in the situation

17.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night (continued)

So, you let yourself feel it. She says, "Yeah go with that." So you're feeling unloved, and eventually if you just allow yourself to actually just feel the feeling in that present moment; you don't have to go seeking for any childhood stuff here, all we're feeling at this moment is my wife, someone who says she loves and cares for me, doesn't love or care for me, that's what I feel right now. That's what I feel right now. And if she were in a good space she would actually allow me to go down this track emotionally of, "Actually I'm feeling like you don't love me right now. I've been working all day, I feel quite exhausted after working all day, and I don't really feel like coming home and making my own meal. You haven't been working all day; half the day you were out with your girlfriends and the other half of the day you went swimming and you did some of your art in the room there because you were so involved in that. I've been working all day for us." [00:45:37]

What I'm doing now, is instead of going into the rage and anger about the situation, by describing how I'm feeling; I'm trying to connect with the sadness that's inside of me about the issue. And I'm feeling quite unloved right now and then, all of a sudden what will start happening when you get used to doing this all the time, the emotion itself of sadness will just rise in you and you will just start allowing yourself to cry. So you start crying; "Actually I'm feeling so unloved by you now," and if you start, if you just allow yourself to keep talking and allow yourself to keep feeling the emotion, eventually what will come up is the actual emotion that you feel she doesn't love you in the moment.

Now the beauty of doing that is that underneath that will often be the truth, something to do with your childhood, but you don't actually have to know what it is at this point. All you need do is go in to owning the actual emotion there and then. So here I am, I've already done this preliminary work, I want to know all of my addictions, I list everything that makes me angry, I defined my expectations and then I look at my fears, so I've done all that intellectually so at least I'm a little bit open to the whole process now, of examining my emotions and examining my addictions. [00:47:06]

But what I'm saying the next step really is in the situation, be completely truthful about how you feel.

Now I just want to define "completely truthful". Anger is never truthful because anger isn't about how you feel; it's about what you're projecting at another person, when you are not owning it. When I say anger, like you can be angry and feel it truthfully inside of yourself, but if you do it will be very childlike type anger. The truth is for the majority of us, anger is not a truthful condition; we are not being honest with ourselves when we're in anger. We're being in our addiction. Everything that makes us angry is proof of the addiction and the addiction is not a truthful place in feeling a causal emotion.

So if I'm in the situation I need to learn to be completely truthful about how I feel. So in the example I gave, "I'm really angry with you because you have not cooked my dinner and I'm sick to death of coming home and not having my dinner in front of me," is that being truthful? No. Now at the time, I'm going to think it is; that's my problem because at the time I am in my addiction, and I need to get out of my addiction and get into emotions, which are the opposite to the addiction.

17.2. Feeling through the layers underneath the addiction

So in the situation I need to be completely truthful. I just slump down on the lounge, and I just exhale. Just imagine yourself in the situation where someone's just been unloving to yourself for a moment, where you didn't get what you wanted from them; that's what you feel. So you breathe. Close your eyes for a moment maybe and you breathe. Start voicing out loud about how you're feeling. "I'm feeling really upset actually." You start describing how you're feeling.

Now if your partner is used to dealing with emotions, your partner will be very used to you doing this and you'll be used to her doing it too. If you're not used to dealing with emotions then just inform your partner beforehand that this is the kind of thing you're going to do instead of yelling and screaming at them. I'm sure they'll be impressed. (Laughter)

So what you do instead is you allow yourself to breathe and feel, and start describing to yourself, but out loud. There's a real power in doing it out loud because when you're doing it in your head you're not always connecting to the emotion of it. When you're doing it out loud, you're starting to really let yourself feel the emotion. So you're closing your eyes so you're not distracted by everything going on around you and you're starting to feel your emotions. Your partner can be there or not, but it'd be lovely for them to be there because there generally will be something in this for them as well because everyone's Law of Attraction generally finishes up triggering another person, and if both people are open enough you can deal with a lot of things emotionally. [00:51:29]

When Mary and I are going through things, the other person is generally just sitting there listening to what we're going through, not projecting at us to do it or anything like that, but just allowing us to voice what's going on. "Actually I feel really upset and angry." You allow yourself to shake and feel the anger that you feel. "I feel really angry and frustrated and it's about coming home to no dinner." So you feel really angry and then you'll start very rapidly generally feeling that anger and connecting to what it's about; it's about the fact that there's no dinner on the table, and you can ask yourself that question, what does that feel like?

"Well I've been working all day and you haven't been working all day. I'm working for us and we have to pay the bills." So in the end, you know what you might get to? That you actually don't like your job. You might even get to that. It might be something completely unrelated to what you thought it was going to be related to, and that you're just sick and tired of working in this job. You're so distressed about the fact that you haven't got a job you love that by the time you come home you just feel physically exhausted with the distress of not having a job you love. It might be just that simple and that emotion comes up.

If you allow yourself to connect to it and allow yourself to breathe, allow yourself to feel it in the situation, you'll get to a point if you do that all the time where you start feeling the emotion, but it's about being truthful. This is not about being in an angry space yelling at somebody; it's about being truthful with what's going on inside of yourself. [00:53:14]

17.3. Many addictions are due to false beliefs rather than causal emotions

Mary: For me, I've had many addictions that were not based on causal emotions. I had to really desire to see the truth of what was occurring also. I see many people with addictions trying to, for example, process that their mother didn't love them, when the truth may be that their father just had an arrogant viewpoint to women and that is actually the false belief that needs to be released. So very often with addictions there is a causal pain, but sometimes there's not a causal pain, there's just a false belief that was created within us that is an error. If you think about it, all of our causal pain is just an error that we are releasing; it's an erroneous emotion that we believe to be the truth.

Mary: I'm bringing this up because I know AJ has had more addictions based on causal grief, but my addictions have actually been more in both camps. Some of them were based around feeling that if a man loves me he will do certain things for me, and that came from error in my relationship with my dad that wasn't related to him not doing things for me, it was related to him doing lots of things for me. So does everyone understand that distinction that I'm making there? I had to really pray about seeing the truth of what was happening in these interactions.

What Mary is bringing up is important in that many of our addiction were created in us because we became spoilt children where we had our mother or our father doing all sorts of things for us. Eventually we learnt how to manipulate them into doing it and how to control them to do it because of their own emotional injuries. And we've grown up with these expectations that are all unloving and we need to give them up. [00:55:53]

Mary: Also if we've grown up in an environment that has a lot of prejudice within it, we can take that on as truth. It's an error that we believe is truth. So men are better than women. Black people are worse than white people. They're all error-based beliefs that create addictions that we have to release, and the pain is like the three year old who realises he can't have the lolly. They are experiencing the pain right here and now and we realise "Oh gee, women aren't better than men. That hurts, now I've got to feel we're equals", so I have to feel that now.

17.3.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night (continued)

So in the scenario that I was giving you earlier, I could be sitting there feeling, "Actually I expect that a woman puts dinner on my table under any circumstance." That finishes up being what I'm feeling, and it's a demand. I demand that you're a woman, and that's your job, you've got to do that, and that's what I feel. Now, how would that addiction have been created? Well, it got created, by mum putting dinner on my table every single day and every single night up until I was eighteen years of age when I left home and I'm a male. I never saw dad do it and I never had to do it for myself.

So how do I give up that addiction? Firstly by feeling the anger of the addiction itself; there's a lot of rage and expectation in it, and then going in and realising that actually I'm the one out of line here. I'm the one with the unloving expectation and addiction. And what do I feel about that? Right in this instant I feel, "You're unloving to me, you don't put dinner on my table, and you're unloving to me." That's how it is right now. That's what I feel and I may be completely wrong, but I need to feel that, I need to really feel that and connect with that emotionally. [00:58:07]

Mary: And the reason I bring that up is because I feel that's the pain that people resist the most because in the interaction you have to go and cry. Because what has happened is there has been an error about love that has entered you when you're young, and you do have to go and cry about feeling like I'm not being loved even though the truth is you could very well be being loved in that interaction.

Yeah. So, as another example, you've taught your child that every time you go shopping and you're going to go past the lolly aisle you'll pick a lolly out for it. And then this time the child doesn't get the lolly what does the child do? Goes "Argh!" (AJ yells and throws himself on the floor) and then the child stands back up and looks to see if anyone's noticing (Laughter). And then if no one's noticing it goes back down and does a bit more generally, and that's what we often do. That's often our rage. Our rage is often this place where we will be in this place where we're really trying to force the other person in to what we believe they should do even though it's totally unloving and it's an addiction. And so what Mary's brought up is very important in this process like to be completely truthful about how you feel means I feel like actually, "Come to think of it, you're a woman and you should be making my dinner." [00:59:30]

Mary: And I've found for me that those kinds of truths are hard to face sometimes.

Yeah and then I need to go into it. "Alright the truth is that a woman doesn't have to make my dinner. Actually, the truth is actually that no one has to make my dinner. In fact no one but myself is responsible for my dinner, and the trouble is that I've had a mum who for eighteen years has taught me that a woman is responsible for my dinner."

So, you mothers out there who've got younger men, children, boys and girls; stop making them dinner. Teach them how to make their own dinner. You're teaching them some stuff and they're going to become very obnoxious when they get with their woman, or whoever they're going to finish up with, thinking that the woman should have to make dinner for the rest of her life. How many of you ladies have made dinner so much that you're now sick to death of even looking at making dinner? Yeah, totally sick to death of it. You'd rather not make a meal for the next twenty years and somebody else have to do it. And this emotion in you came from an expectation of your childhood and an expectation about love and that emotion in you also has created an expectation in the people around you to make dinner for them. These are all emotions that need to be addressed.

So in that particular issue, if we completely feel how we feel, you'll be surprised sometimes where it goes. Mary said it may go into this place where you actually realise that actually your expectations are so totally unloving and off the ball and you've got to do something about them. Or it may take you into this real child like place of what's happening, or it may take you into this real tantrum place that you need to work your way through to get into the child like place. Or it may take you into this real tantrum like place where you realise actually that it's got nothing to do with the dinner and got everything to do with your whole life and how hard it feels. You might go into that place. Either way you'll need to make some choices and decisions to change your life obviously. [01:01:50]

18. Audience questions about addictions

18.1. An example of Mary's addiction to feeling safe

Participant: It was just a question about Mary, when you were talking about letting it go in the here and now; is a lot of that letting go the shame and the remorse of the erroneous beliefs that came in as well?

Mary: Yeah, well sometimes I have to first work through that to get to actually grieving that I can't expect this anymore and that I'm unhappy about that. I'm trying to think of one that happened with AJ. I wanted him to protect me and then I realised that's totally out of harmony with love, and so I had some shame about the fact that I've been demanding that he protect me all of the time. But then I had to grieve the fact that, no one but me is going to protect me... well God will, but I had to feel that I can't expect a man to protect me anymore, that feels really unsafe, and I feel really sad about that. So it was really just releasing the expectation, that's what it was for me.

But then underneath that, Mary found that there were a lot of emotions about safety from our past that she eventually connected to. So whenever I start talking the truth to a group of people who are angry, what would happen is Mary would get upset with me. Because she could feel the anger of the audience, she straight away feels unsafe, and then she feels like I'm putting us in an unsafe place. And because my role is to protect her, then I've got to get out of this unsafe place. Now unfortunately what I do is I just keep talking generally and so her addiction isn't met and so she get upset and angry about that, and then she had to just feel that in that moment. [01:03:58]

18.2. When we release addictions the associated anger dissipates

Mary: Can I say though that I don't think I'm through that causal emotion about our safety, but I feel I have given up that addiction?

Yes. That's one thing to bear in mind too, is that every addiction you give up, you'll find the anger that goes along with it dissipates. That's the beauty; you may not get to the causal emotion sometimes with these addictions, but from that point on, you will no longer have anger when your addiction isn't met. Many of us have instant anger when our addiction doesn't get met, instant hurt, instant resentment; all of those instant feelings that come up where we fire up, and those feelings are all about our addictions getting met. When you deal with the addiction and feel through it emotionally, you'll get to the point where you still may have an underlying causal emotion you need to release, but the actual addiction itself won't drive the anger. There's no addiction anymore so therefore no angry response. Remember the addiction is there to mask the causal emotion, that's the purpose of it, so when I'm prepared to acknowledge the addiction and feel it, now it's not masking the causal emotion so now the causal emotion has a chance to actually come up and be felt. [01:05:11]

Mary: And now that safety emotion is far more present for me all of the time.

So now what happens is if I talk to a group of people who are angry, instead of Mary being angry with me, she is actually crying because these people are angry and she feels terrible about it. She's now in the causal emotion because the actual addictive behaviour to get out of the causal emotion is no longer present.

Participant: So the anger can subside as soon as you identify the addiction?

No, you have to feel your way through the addiction and the anger will subside. It's very rare for you to notice it intellectually and the anger subsides. You'll find that the anger will keep coming up, keep coming up, and keep coming up until you feel the reason why the addiction was created. "I'm not getting what I want here." When you feel your way through that and release that and cry about that, then the addiction is gone. It's like the addiction disappears. It's like it just goes into nothing and from that moment on, now the causal emotion is there, ready to be felt at any time, any time it's triggered and you won't have an addictive response to it. [01:06:23]

And that's the beauty of doing it too; you actually get out of anger, you have very little anger. After you deal with these addictions, you'll find you'll have very little anger in any of your processing. So if there's still anger in your processing, you know there's a lot of addictions in place still. When you get to a place where you've dealt with a lot of the addictions, the anger itself often is completely gone out of all of your processing. So now, even though Mary still has the emotion where she's afraid for our lives at times with different interactions that are happening with us and the different feelings that people project at us and she's still afraid of that, she's now not angry with me or with the people doing it anymore.

18.3. Using anger as our guide to recognising our addictions

Participant: So could there still be some childhood anger present though?

Oh certainly there can be. That's why I said rare rather than non-existent. But in your processing work you need to get to a point where your anger is not even there in a real way, not that you're intellectually getting out of your anger all the time, but in a real way the anger isn't even present with you anymore. If your anger is present, you know that you're in an addiction still; you're in an addiction still when that anger is there.

Remember I gave a talk "The Human Soul - Anger is your guide", and your anger is a beautiful guide into what your demands and expectations that are unloving are all about. Your anger is all about that. So if you can allow yourself to feel your anger and be truthful about your anger and be truthful about what's going on inside of you about it, and be truthful about hurt, because all hurt based emotions are angry in nature and they're all projections on others, you'll very rapidly see your own addictions. And when you see your own addictions, then you have a chance of releasing them emotionally.

When you release them emotionally the underlying causal emotion, which is just sitting there underneath this addiction, can now just naturally percolate up into your awareness. You'll feel it and it will just naturally come up because there is no longer any blockage, there is no longer any passive blockage or active blockage that you have preventing it from coming to the surface. Addictions are an active blockage to your causal emotion. They are a blockage that we created because we badly want to not feel the causal emotion, so we are totally in activity with our addictions. We want these addictions to be met so that we can avoid the causal emotion. Now when you get rid of the addiction there's now no longer the desire to avoid your causal emotion either. In that moment, whatever gets triggered just comes up, something gets triggered, comes up again and it gets triggered and comes up again until it's no longer there and there's nothing to prevent it from coming up anymore. It's the addiction that suppresses it, keeps it down and under control. [01:09:43]

Participant: AJ do we all have to show anger? I mean is it all about anger?

When I talk about anger, remember I'm always talking about frustration, mild annoyance, mild frustration all the way down to there and even a feeling of hurt, where you're feeling hurt usually indicates there's an addiction in play. So if you can allow yourself to see that. It's not always like this boiling rage, and a lot of time it's just this, "Oh I'm a bit of annoyed there," and off we go and because we're only a bit annoyed, we sort of bypass the whole system.

But it's beautiful if we can just tune in to that mild annoyance because when I've done some tuning into my own mild annoyance, I've been absolutely amazed sometimes of what I've found. A mild annoyance with some things has turned into this big three day process of releasing huge amounts of crap about something, and also huge amounts of stuff about where I'm unwilling to act. I've had a lot of things come up where I've been annoyed about something happening over here and then I see, "Oh yes, yes this is all about my own refusal to act in harmony with truth and love, and when I do that, that event wouldn't have even happened." So a lot of times I've seen linkages to all sorts of things by having a look at these addictions that I've had.

And if you can allow yourself to be completely truthful in the moment, like no matter how dark it seems, for example, "I feel like getting a gun and shooting the lot of you," if that feeling is there, voice the feeling. Allow yourself to feel the feeling of that, the rage of that even, but not to project it at the people, not to take a gun and shoot the people. Allow yourself to feel that, because for the majority of us, we are not even in tune with any anger that's within us. [01:11:57]

18.3.1. An example of a lady being resistive to seeing her emotions

Last week we gave a talk at, Coffs Harbour and Armidale and there was this lady who asked me a series of questions and I did not answer any of her questions. Instead I said to her a number of things about her own emotions. In return to every single thing I said she told me that she didn't have that emotion. So with her I was right zero percent of the time. Now the truth is that every single thing I said to her I felt from her. But she was so totally switched off to any of her feelings that she was having inside of herself about any issue and telling herself a totally different story, and so absolutely everything I said she rejected.

In the end I said, "What are you asking me questions for? There's no point even asking me a question. If you don't feel that I can feel these things from you and reflect them back at you, then what's the point of asking me?" And in the end her addiction was that she just wanted to be told what she felt was right. She told me at the start of the conversation that she was blocked emotionally, and I told her a lot of reasons why she was blocked emotionally and in the end she told me that every one of those reasons was wrong. And I said to her, "That's why you're blocked emotionally because you believe that everything that's just been said to you is wrong and there's not much I can do with that." And this is the trouble here, often we're not even willing to do this step of wanting to know all of my addictions. We're not willing to just know our own stuff. [01:13:38]

18.4. An example of a lady who is addicted to cooking dinner every night

Participant: So on the other side to demanding dinner; I'm the person who is feeling frustrated and resentful for making the dinner.

So, you're preparing the dinner, feeling like you don't want to be doing this.

Participant: Yeah and I've done that for a long time.

Okay, so don't do it anymore.

Participant: Yep. (Laughter)

Now there's an addictive emotional reason why you're not going to not do it anymore.

Participant: Yeah, because something comes up in me for me here around my father coming home one night. Mum had made the dinner, but it wasn't right and he wanted some mustard and so he got very violent and we were just sitting there in the lounge room and he threw a decanter at the TV and smashed everything up. And so we went into terror.

Yep. And so can you see why you feel like you have to make dinner every night?

Participant: So I have a lot of stuff around the woman having to make the dinner, anger around the man, and terror and fear of if I don't make it the right way then...

He is going to get angry.

18.4.1. We can have a distorted view of others through our unhealed emotions

Participant: I can feel his frustration and anger, even when I make dinner. [01:15:05]

Stop, stop, stop. Everyone does this and it's very important to stop doing this. You are projecting your father's emotions that are now inside of you and thinking that he has the same emotions in him, and I don't feel the same emotions in him. What we're often doing is we're projecting what happened when we were children, which is now inside of us, at our current partner. So what we finish up doing is we're actually seeing our partner through the filter of our father and the truth is there are a very different set of emotions in Bruce than there are in your father; very, very different, and while you hold on to the emotion that was in your father and don't feel it, you are going to think Bruce is like this, when he actually is not. [01:15:54]

Participant: Yep, thanks.

So we need to stop doing that, we need to start seeing the truth and the truth is that actually my father did that, not Bruce. Not my husband; my father. My father did it and I'm afraid of the man, all men now, and every time I think about meals, I've got to make it. Not because I'm enjoying creating it for my family or for myself, but because I'm afraid the man's just going to go into a rage. Really all you're doing is you're afraid of your father's rage, because your father's rage still has an emotional signature right inside of you of this terror that's associated with the man's rage. You need to connect to this terror and feel it and release it and when you do you'll actually feel Bruce and you'll go, "Gee he doesn't expect me to make dinner at all, wow," and you might actually enjoy making it occasionally as a result. [01:16:46]

Participant: That'd be nice for him.

No, it'd be nice for you too because when you give with love, there's a lot of joy. That's why in the Bible it actually says there's more happiness in giving than there is in receiving, but only if the gift is coming from your heart. So if you allow yourself to feel through that emotionally, you'll feel that it is about your father.

18.5. Taking personal responsibility for ourselves

And by the way every woman here, you must make a meal every night. (Laughter)

Participant: Is that to trigger us?

No, I'm not saying that to trigger you, it's actually a truth. For yourself! (Laughter) And every man here must make a meal every night for himself. Now if you want to cooperate sometimes and have one of you do it one night and the other one do it the next night, then that's a great system, but at the end of the day we are all personally responsible for ourselves. Now, by the way many people with children go along the lines of, "Oh you know but my child's only five so I've got to cook meals." No you don't. I was cooking my own meals when I was five, and you can too. My mum taught me how to. See as a mum, you're not a mum; you're a teacher. The mum is God and I am the older sister or brother teaching this beautiful child of God how to become self loving and sufficient; that's what I'm doing.

18.5.1. Teaching children to be self sufficient

Mary and I were talking about this a few months ago and we're thinking yep, by the time a child is five, we want them to have left home. (Laugher)

Mary: They can live in a neighbouring tent.

They can live in a neighbouring tent but they've got to leave our tent. If you ask most children who are five by the way they actually love it. I know Monica has been experimenting with this a bit with her children who are aged six, seven and twelve, and they're just loving living in their own environment, their own cooking space, and they're doing their own cleaning most of the time, except from when you've got some emotions at play then everything else comes into play. The beauty is that your children are totally capable of being completely self sufficient by the age of five. Society doesn't think so, but I know so, and in the end you can experiment with that. [01:19:36]

I'm not saying they still won't enjoy your love. But what we're hoping to create is children who have their own tent next to us, or a bit further away by the time they're five, they have their own cooking area, they know how to clean up after themselves, they know how to make what's needed, they know how to do all of their stuff with regard to waste. They know how to do all of these things; it's easy to teach them all of these things by the way, very easy. They love learning it all. They'll put their hand in the poo before you will, trust me. (Laughter) And they're pretty happy about being all messed up and mucked up learning something.

So let them do that and a lot of times it's our own addictions as parents that cause us to want our children to be dependent upon us. What do you get when your children are dependent upon you? "Oh I'm a good mother, aren't I wonderful?" "I'm a good dad isn't it great, my child needs me, so I feel needed and I feel wanted," and all these other things and all of that is very damaging to us as individuals.

In the end, don't we want to be completely free of all of those projected emotions so we can be free to love? In the end, by seven years of age your child can be at-one with God, completely self sufficient, not asking you anything about its life, completely self sufficient with all of its Law of Attraction, Law of Abundance, knowing how to create everything else in its life by the age of seven. By the time its brain is fully developed intellectually, it also is totally capable of being in that place. It's just that no one on Earth has ever lived that way and so we don't believe it and we think that even when they're eighteen, they can't stand on their own two feet. [01:21:27]

Participant: Thank you. Just one question in regards to that, I have an eight year old and we actually sent her to Montessori and we tried to teach her all of that. I see myself as quite controlling when it comes to her nutrition, so my concern is in teaching her to be independent where does my role come in? Or does it not come in at all?

No, why would it?

Participant: Because she could eat vegemite sandwiches all day.

Yes she could.

Participant: 24/7.

She's allowed to eat lollies all day 24/7 too. Can she buy them though?

Participant: Okay, so that's where my control... well my...

Your control?

Participant: Yeah, I know, (Laughter) I'm not controlling, everyone.

You are. You just said you were. But anyway, the true question is that with regards to our children, you don't have to buy anything for them if you don't want to, and that includes buying ice creams, lollies and all the other things that they may want. You've got to deal with the emotional reasons; again your addictions as to why you want to get these things for them even if they're bad for them. Also if you deal with your additions regarding food and then have children, you'll find your children have no addictions regarding food, which means they'll automatically be attracted to food that benefits their body. They'll automatically be attracted to fruit and vegetables, they will dislike meat intensely, and you'll notice they won't even touch meat at all. They won't often have lollies or any of those things because it makes them feel sick and they'll actually be in a space where they manage their own food. The more you experiment with these things, the more you'll realise that what I'm saying is true about them. [01:23:08]

The problem that we have as parents is we have the emotion of, "I've got to look after my child's diet." That emotion automatically creates my child wanting to rebel against the diet I create for it, to trigger our emotion, because our emotion is an expectation that's an addiction. What's my addiction? Oh, diet is important; I've got to look after their body. Why do you have to look after their body and not their soul? If you focus on their soul, they'll look after their body. There are all these false beliefs we have about bringing up children even with regard to what they eat and those false beliefs create the environment that we've now got to manage their diet and when we don't manage their diet, they go and have lollies all day.

Now what I did with one of my sons, he had lollies all day. What my son Caleb used to do (and Tristan will remember this) when he was about fifteen, all of the money that he earned would be spent on chocolate. He'd get a whole stash of it, and he'd pile it up underneath one of his bedside drawers, so he had this humungous stash of chocolate it and it was fine by me. And when he started coming out in all these pimples and everything, I just reminded him that it might have something to do with the chocolate that he was eating.

Then sometimes he'd come out and say, "I feel really sick." "What have you eaten?" "I just had a whole 300g block of chocolate." And after a while he started realising, "Hang on a sec, I want to eat different things," and by the time he left home he was actually cooking for himself and eating food that actually benefits his body. He was into his own fitness and everything else just because he wanted to, not because I wanted him to. I had to let go of my addiction to him eating the chocolate or not eating it. [01:25:03]

Participant: Well, with me it's the opposite. I actually try not to buy sweets; we don't actually have a lot of them in our cupboard, but I'm feeling guilty.

So your children are just going to trigger that guilt in you.

Participant: Okay.

So let yourself feel it as a Law of Attraction as a parent. Why do you feel guilty? Because the other kids are having it, and that triggers something in your childhood of feeling different to the kids around you. There are all sorts of reasons as to why you feel guilty in that particular situation, so let yourself feel it.

Participant: Thanks, AJ.

19. Closing Words

Alright, well you've had enough from me today. With regards to addictions, can I just make one further comment and that is this: if you have the courage to face up to all of your addictions, you will find that your emotional processing work becomes so simple and easy to do, because every single moment you'll be able to feel the underlying emotion because an addiction isn't preventing it from flowing. So if you have the courage to face your addictions and your expectations in a really positive manner, pray about them and really work on them, you will find that many of these emotions that you're really struggling to get to feel, will come in an organic manner and a very natural way. So my suggestion is to just let yourself ponder about that at least, about the addictions and expectations you have.

Thank you so much for your time and your donations today. (Applause)

