 
# Brenna's Boys

by

Stacy Lee

Rowdy R Ranch Adventures

Book One

Brenna's Boys

Copyright © 2013 by Stacy Lee

Stacyleebooks.weebly.com

All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

This novel is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events: to real people, living or dead: or to real locales are intended only to give the fiction a sense of reality and authenticity. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and their resemblance, if any, to real-life counterparts is entirely coincidental.

* * * * *

Dedication

_After many years of scribbling and pecking away I have finally decided to publish a few of my stories for the world to enjoy, but only because my husband and kids said I had to! This first book on the Rowdy R Ranch is for them._

To B.J. who puts up with the tap, tap, tap on the keys while he's trying to sleep, T.J. who is my sounding board, C.J. who finds my mistakes and to D.J. who brings me cokes and keeps me hopping at all other times. I love you all. Thanks for being there for me even when I disappear for months into my own world.

Happy reading y'all!

### Chapter One

Fear.

That was the overwhelming feeling that was consuming my mornings and nights. Fear was the reason I was cowering behind an elderly lady in her late seventies wearing a hot pink track suit with matching hair on the railcar platform. Fear is why I had my almost floor length, fiery auburn hair braided and wrapped in a bun on top of my head, a knit cap shoved over it snugly to hide the color. Fear was why I had tried to think of every option besides riding the railcar. A ride with a friend was out, I didn't have any, too many bad neighborhoods between work and my small cheap apartment to walk, cabs were too expensive on what I make at the flower shop, and we won't get into how much buying a car would cost.

Fanciful Flowers was too far from my apartment, the meager wage I made barely enough to pay rent, but it was the only job I could find that didn't require experience. So here I was at four in the afternoon, waiting for the railcar to take me home from a short days work. Fear that the "Railcar Rapist", as the media had aptly named him, was out there somewhere watching me. For more than four months this man has prayed on one woman a month as far as the cops know. All redheaded, all twenty-three to twenty-six years old, all small to medium build and the most terrifying thing, all in plain sight on a loaded, moving railcar in broad daylight.

Which means, they all look like me.

Red hair, twenty-four, small build, emerald green eyes and standing in plain view on the platform for the railcar! Oh boy!

_I hate my life today, but tomorrow will be better!_ I lied to myself and _not_ for the first time today.

As the train came to a stop my full skirt swirled in the heated air around my legs. I scanned the area for weird looking men, not seeing anyone that screamed 'I'm a psycho rapist with a red hair fetish!' I slowly moved towards the waiting car. A young woman bumped into my arm and I about jumped off the platform in front of the train.

"I am so sorry. This added weight sets me off balance often." She chuckled and patted her over extended belly with ease and happiness, it was then I realized she was pregnant.

"When are you due?" I asked to calm my frazzled nerves.

"Two more weeks, I am _so_ ready!" Again she laughed and rubbed her belly sweetly in that way all expectant mothers do, a small thoughtful smile graced her lips as she boarded in front of me.

"Congratulations." I smiled politely and filed into the waiting car. I moved slowly towards the back of the overcrowded area anxiously looking for a place to sit or stand close to an exit. There wasn't any. I ended up in a corner in the very back of the car, standing, holding on to the bar in front of me so I didn't fall into anyone. I scanned the car for freaks but seriously, they all were starting to look a little freaky. The car started forward with a lurch and I tightened my grip wanting to be home. My apartment was small, cheap, had bars on the windows and paper thin walls, but it was relatively safer than the railcar I was in right now.

When I started out this day I knew it was going to suck. Any day that started with a dream about my insane mother instead of the alarm clock was bound to just keep getting worse. She was a great mother, kind, caring, loving and patient to a fault with me. Given our solitude I was a hard child to raise, I'm not too stubborn to admit that truth, but she did well with what she had. Being a single mom in this day and age was rough but when I was younger.... Let's just say teenage pregnancy was at a low and leave it at that. Her parents had been great after the shock wore off, but remained hurt that she would never name my father. Even to this day I have no clue who he was, anytime I breached the subject I got the same tired answer. _"Honey, if you don't like the way I raised you please feel free to tell me, but I cannot,_ will _not give you that answer."_ Her eyes always filled with tears and a hollow look passed over her face before she recovered herself. Then it was dropped and avoided for another few years before I'd pluck up the nerve to try again. I never stopped trying though, I also never received any more of an answer than that. Now that she was gone, I never would.

Even our solidary life in the middle of nowhere was gone now. Having been raised in isolation, kept away from the world to keep me protected from small minded city folk, wasn't ideal growing up. Now I had been forced to leave my home behind with mom's passing. Seeing the world in the state it was in, no one caring about anyone except themselves, no compassion for a stranger in need, tore at my heart. Life in the world wasn't anything like in the novels that fed my fantasies while growing up and I wanted to go home to my cabin in the woods, however that was impossible now.

Something tickled my face and it brought me out of my darkening deliberations. I turned my head from the window straight into a pair of the most hauntingly brown eyes I had ever seen. The intent buried in them frightened me. I pulled back slightly because he was so close to me I could feel his breath tickling my cheek. Quickly his arm flew out and around my waist, securing me to him. Startled I locked gazes with him before he pulled me closely into his body. He leaned his head down slightly, his breath whispered across the skin at my neck sending warning bells running through my brain. I tried to step back once more, but his grip tightened to painful and I stilled, terrified. I scanned down his body and noted the full length trench coat type jacket he was wearing and the first thing that came to mind was 'is he naked under that thing?'

However, my fear addled brain registered he was wearing a very nice, expensive suit under the coat and I relaxed slightly as I met his gaze. His grip loosened and he leaned forward into my personal bubble. He removed my knit cap releasing a braid of red hair to tumble down the length of our combined bodies. He tucked a wayward lock behind my ear and whispered to me sensually, that is the exact moment when my world fell completely apart.

"You will do exactly what I say, Brenna Ward." He paused long enough for my breath to hitch with the realization this man knew my name. His silky voice was lowered with an almost husky, lusty quality to it. "If you cooperate, more than just you will walk away from this with their health." I tensed and looked around the overflowing car at all the people not paying us any attention. From their view, I'm sure we looked like a couple of lovers whispering sweet nothings to one another. Almost like this man could read my thoughts, he kissed the juncture of skin just below my ear sweetly, softly, almost lovingly.

I wasn't feeling the love.

My whole body spasmed, jerking to attention like a soldier meeting her superior, all I needed was to salute. "Relax, Angel. I won't hurt you. I never hurt anything I _covet_."

Covet? That word stuck in my brain like a knife in a melon. What a strange way to say he was completely crazy!

Somewhere in the back of my brain I knew begging would not be wise, although fear was running this show, not wisdom.

"Please? Don't. Whatever it is you want. Don't. You can take my bag. You can have anything just please don't touch me?" In my heart I knew who this was, I knew what he was going to do even before it registered fully to my trembling body, but I say again, wisdom?.... Not making an appearance here today. Sorry.

I pushed at his chest with my free hand and the pressure from his arm tightened around my waist yet again and his other hand moved from his pocket. I saw a flash of metal prompting my flight instinct to kick in and I tried desperately to step back. A gun was shoved into my rib cage so fast and so hard my breath puffed out awkwardly. I struggled to regain it quickly.

"Move again and this will be over far too quickly." The gun dug into my side painfully with each word, still struggling to breathe I just nodded. He had his head buried in my neck with his lips at the opening of my ear. His whispered sultry voice did not have the effect he wanted on my body. Desire had never been part of my life and this man was never going to get that from me. How he thought this was anything but terrifying, I have no clue. "I am going to slide around to your back. I want both hands on this pole before I move." I hesitated.

Bad idea.

The gun jabbed further into my ribs and my left hand flew to the pole in response. He removed his head from my ear and the pure ecstasy in his gaze made me want to puke all over his expensive suit. The smile that graced his lips dripped of evil joy.

"Good girl. I knew you would be cooperative." My eyes were locked on his, the corners of his eyes wrinkled with his triumphant grin, but I didn't dare lose the eye contact I held for fear I'd try to run. There was nowhere to run to.

He leaned forward to lay gentle kisses up my neck to my ear then whispered seductively, words that were so far from sensual I wanted to scream 'get a grip, dude!'.

"Do _not_ move, Angel." I focused on not gaging at the endearing name that dripped with disdain and the full on threat that lingered under that gently whispered command. His arms wrapped tightly around me for a brief second before loosening enough to slide himself around to my backside, his left hand clasped over the right which held the gun, concealing it. His arms still encircling my waist, never loosing contact with me, never giving me a minute to think anything but 'don't move'. I let my chin drop to my chest, my eyes holding in focus his hands and the small part of the butt of the gun I could see, that I could feel pressing into my stomach.

When he settled his body behind mine we were touching from shoulders to feet. I could feel his erection digging into my backside and a scream clawed at the back of my throat wanting me to do something.

As if he knew what I was thinking once more, he leaned into my ear and whispered, "Do you see the woman by the last exit?" I looked up and saw the young pregnant woman that had bumped into me earlier and fear gripped my heart. My whole body straightened at the images running through my head. "I see you get my intentions. One wrong move, one person thinks we are anything but lovers standing here, I will put a bullet in her belly and that baby won't see the light of day. The mother though, she would probably live. She would blame you for the rest of your life for causing her child's death. Someone as innocent as you couldn't live with that rolling around in that pretty head of yours, could you?" Tears burned my eyes as I looked at her. I knew I could not let this man kill an unborn child no matter the consequences to me.

The words ' _Someone as innocent as you_ ' rolled around in my head, how did this man know me?

"Do you see the older woman in pink two down from the mother?" I nodded hesitantly. It was the elderly lady I was hiding behind on the platform. "I'm a good shot. She would have a hole in her head faster than you could step away from this space." My breathing hitched as the tears threatened to spill. "Do you know what I would do to you _if_ you managed to escape me?" His words were so light and airy, so full of passion that I wanted to scream, 'what is wrong with you?' How can anyone be so atrocious? At no response from me he continued his seductively horrendous tale.

"I would do nothing to you. I would let you win this round knowing you killed at least two people on this train. Could you live knowing that baby never saw its mommy because of you?" I let my head fall listlessly back to my chest and he knew he had won. I felt a small shudder of arousal rock his body and my vision darkened, my brain threatening to shut down. I could only hope. "The gun is going back to my pocket. Do not move, think, or even breathe wrong or it comes out firing. Understood?" With my slight nod he removed the hand with the gun. It didn't return back to its place immediately and a small stirring of optimism bloomed. Maybe he was rethinking this.

I felt his fingertips trace the waistband of my skirt and his tongue skimmed the outer part of my earlobe. My body trembled in revulsion, some of the last shreds of hope in me shriveled into oblivion.

"See how your body likes that, Love? I knew you would be the one from the minute I saw you." His tongue traced circles and placed kisses on my neck as his hand pressed something hard and flat against my lower back. I could feel the cold from the blade seep through my blouse leaving no question in my mind what he held. "Hold still Love. I don't want to hurt you." How ironic was that?

I took a sharp intake of breath as I felt the knife slice open the back of my skirt, giving him access to my backside. His hand, knife lightly gripped in his fingers, ran over my rear, feeling it, caressing it. I felt the icy blade slide against my skin and I slammed my eyes shut.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

The mantra replayed in my head as pictures of the woman's belly and the elderly woman's face popped up like a slideshow gone wild behind my eyelids.

"Such lovely ass-ets." He chuckled, enjoying his joke, or maybe he was just enjoying his game. He shifted and I felt the blade against my hip slide under the waist of my underwear. There was a tug, the slight weight around my waist lessened as the side was cut free. He leisurely ran the knife to the other side skimming my skin with the flat side, the same tug at the waist, then another from behind and my underwear were gone. My breathing was ragged, my grip on the pole was making my knuckles a transparent white, and I was sure my knees were going to give any minute.

_I cannot let him do this to me._ My courageous self yelled inside my head. I straightened my spine, lifted my chin and was ready to scream when he jerked me back into his body hard.

"Think of that baby, Love." The gun was once again in my ribs, hidden in the sleeve of his jacket. I hadn't realized how big his jacket was till that point. I found out why moments later when his grip lessened and he snuggled closer, wrapping us both inside his jacket, buttoning us in like lovers. We were concealed, hidden from onlookers. Heck, the way my body was shaking they would probably think I was just cold and he had chivalrously wrapped me in his jacket to keep me warm. Any and all amount of hope I had that this was not happening fled when his hand came between our bodies and lowered his zipper. The sound of that zipper was the loudest thing I had ever heard in a crowded railcar. The gun now gone, he wrapped his arms around my middle, used his foot to spread my legs and in one fast hard thrust took away something priceless to me.

"You are the one. I knew you would be." The words were growled in my ear but I paid them no attention. I didn't care anymore.

I bit my lip not to cry out in pain while he kept moving roughly inside me. The jacket was big enough to cover his movements and the train jostled us to and fro with such force his powerful rhythm behind me was never given a second thought by anyone. I let my chin fall against my chest yet again, this time to hide the tears of fear, shame and pain streaming down my face.

All I could think was, ' _I have waited twenty-four years and a psycho just took my virginity.'_

I thanked the Lord above and the Devil below when he didn't last long. Thrusting one last powerful stroke to release himself he stilled, let out a satisfied sigh then fixed himself back into his pants. He slid his arm from around my waist, unbuttoned our hiding spot and took a small step backwards. I felt the pressure of my bag leave my arm then return.

His jacket fell away completely and he circled back in front of me smiling so brightly I took a moment to really look at this man. He was not ugly, by far, he was actually very handsome, mid to late thirties, a small scar in the shadows of his nose was the only distinct feature that seemed out of place. He held something up in front of my face but I didn't see it, I couldn't take my eyes off this insane man's handsome face.

"Now that I know you are the one, I will be seeing you again real soon, Love." His words shook me to the core. "Not a word, Brenna Ward, or the punishment will be severe. You have done well today in your obedience, but I can see the fight in you." He tapped me on the nose with a long manicured finger and a smile. "Don't worry, I will have fun breaking you of that." He looked down at what he was holding and my gaze followed. Holy mother of God he had my Driver's License and house keys. "545 South Peach Street, apartment 4. Lovely!" His smile lit up his entire face like a kid at Christmas and I'm sure mine paled further, if that was at all possible.

I felt his hand slide around behind me to the slit in my dress and the cold steel of the knife slid against the skin of my left cheek.

"Just a little reminder that you now belong to me." He slid behind me again. I felt the pain radiate from my butt cheek and down my leg. I could feel the warm blood start to flow towards my knee, but I was numb. I couldn't move, scream, cry, fight or even breathe. He returned into my vision and sweetly took my lips in his, a soft gentle kiss between a psycho and his victim.

My first kiss.

He leaned into my ear and kissed my neck softly whispering, "See you at home, Brenna Ward." He flicked his finger over my license, spun my key ring around his finger, smiled and left. Disappearing into the crowded railcar.

### Chapter Two

I don't know how long I stayed on that train gripping the pole with both hands, blood dripping to my feet. I felt myself being jostled to and fro, people coming and going into the cool evening at each stop. I never looked up from that grimy, nasty floor. It could have been hours or days, I didn't have a clue.

"Ma'am? Are you okay?" I heard the words but didn't acknowledge them. This is the first person to speak to me since he left me here. I heard more voices, but nothing really penetrated my hazy thoughts. The train had stopped moving, that had registered as time stood still. I vaguely remember wondering why the train hadn't started moving again, but brushed it off in the next thought when his eyes flashed in front of my vision, things blurred and my knees felt weak. How long had I been standing here?

"I don't know when she got on but I need to clean up the mess." Someone's irate voice slid through my consciousness, I ignored it. "There is blood all over the floor under her feet. I can't tell if it's hers or not and I can't get her to answer me. That's why I called you guys! I know about that man running around screwing redheads on trains and that is a natural redhead if I ever saw one, gentleman!" The voice sounded happy about that fact. Who was a redhead? Oh, yeah, me.

"Thank you for your concern for the woman, sir. I think we can take it from here. Please wait outside the train." A new voice. Deep, husky, dripping sarcasm at the other man's lack of empathy. I liked this voice.

I heard footsteps coming closer, I recoiled, and they stopped. Slowly I drew my eyes up the man in front of me, cowboy boots, well worn, blue jeans, snug fit, simple black t-shirt, too tight for his wide shoulders, pale pink lips, pursed and aggravated, slightly crooked nose, it's been broken, the palest blue eyes I had ever seen, reminiscent of the deepest part of the ocean. His wavy sandy hair was in desperate need of a haircut and fell to his collar. I didn't speak but held his gaze, this man had seen it all, you could see it in those bottomless eyes, not much would scare this man off.

I wanted to run....but to him or away from him? I wasn't sure.

"Hello, young lady. Can I help you?" That deep voice was hypnotizing, I held his gaze not speaking. I didn't trust my own voice not to come out a scream.

"She _is_ a redhead." My eyes darted quickly to the man beside him that I hadn't noticed. My heart seized and I stepped back in a panic. He was wearing almost the same jacket.

"Hey, now." The deep, lulling voice pulled my attention back to him but my gaze stayed on that jacket. The other man took a step forward toward Mr. Deep Voice and a switch flipped in my head. I scrambled back to the window quickly, stumbled and went down on my backside, crying out in pain when the knife wound hit hard. I curled into a ball on my side and sobbed, however I never took my eyes off that jacket. "Jack, give us a minute, would ya? As usual you are scaring off the ladies." The deep voice said with strained playfulness.

"Yeah. Sure thing, Skip." Jack said this to Skip's back as he back pedaled out of the train. A mumbled "Sorry Ma'am" followed him out.

"Better?" Skip leaned down and over to get in my line of vision, we locked eyes and I followed him back to his original position without moving a muscle. "Can you tell me what it was about Jack that scared you?" He slowly eased himself into a sitting position in front of me, he never tried to touch me or get closer, just sat down right there on the grimy floor of the train.

I laid silent for what felt like forever but I'm sure was only a few minutes. He never moved, never looked away, just held my gaze with a curious look on his face as I contemplated whether or not to trust this man with the truth.

"J-jacket." I finally breathed out as a mere whisper. He turned his head and looked through the window at his friend, or partner I guess, in my trauma induced fogginess I had figured out somewhere in the last few minutes he must be a cop. No one else did things like this, no one cared about strangers any more.

"His jacket, huh? I've been telling him for years to ditch that old thing. Does he listen? Nope." He gave a soft chuckle and shook his head then returned his eyes back to mine. "My names Anthony Vaughn, but everyone calls me Skip." I only nodded at him, I wasn't feeling much like talking at the moment. I just wanted to lay here and cry.

As if on cue tears started falling, silent sobs make my chest shudder. "Hey, now. My names not that bad." Again the silent chuckle and head shake, but this time his gaze stayed with mine. "Can you tell me your name? What happened?" His eyes flicked to the blood that was now smeared all over my skirt, then trailed a path over my body as if he was looking for its cause. "Can you tell me where the blood came from? I would like to help, I can't if you don't tell me where you're hurt?"

I felt my face heat to a deep crimson. Yeah, like I was going to tell him my bottom was cut open and have him look at it? Nope, not in this lifetime!

"He told me not to t-tell. He knows where I l-live. He took my k-keys." My words come out in short bursts, but I manage to get it out, that should shut him up. The return of my stutter agitated me.

"How does he know? Did you know him?" Okay, maybe not.

"N-n-no." I thought for a minute about what to say without saying anything at all. I knew this was going to be really bad. That man knew where I lived, he had my keys and driver's license for heaven's sake. I couldn't go home! Maybe if I just told Skip then he could do something? I could tell him then go to the ATM and remove my life savings from the bank and get lost somewhere. I thought about that a minute... $245.86, not going far on that. I had what Granny had left me, but I didn't even know how much it was. Did I have the book the lawyer gave me in my purse? I couldn't remember.

"Can you tell me then how he knows where to find you?" His deep voice broke into my internal escape plans. He was looking at me carefully, even though outwardly he appeared to be relaxed and calm his eyes were tight and his jaw had a nervous little tick to it, his fingers twitch like he wanted to ball up his fist and hit something or he was ready to grab me if I decided to bolt. He was prepared and he also looked pissed. At me? I didn't think so.

I took my bag off my shoulder, dug into it for a minute, removing the bank book I had been questioning having, and then tossed it towards him. His gaze flicked to it then back to me quickly, curious.

"He t-took my D-driver's License out of my wallet. He wasn't w-wearing gloves." I don't know why that thought came out in words but I had long lost the brain to mouth filter. Too many crime novels making their presence known in the small details.

"I see." He made to scoot forward to grab the bag, I flinched and curled into myself tighter. "Whoa, Angel..." He didn't get to finish that statement.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! D-don't! Please! D-don't...." Sobs racked my body, harsh soul wrenching sobs. "That's what he called me. Angel and Love. Please d-don't.... P-please..." The sobs took over and I lost myself to it.

I felt a soft hesitant hand on my arm. I tensed, and heard Skip's voice murmuring, "I'm sorry, really sorry. I don't know your name. I needed something to call you. I'm sorry." He kept murmuring softly, his voice calming me. I listlessly lifted my head to once again find his eyes. His eyes were safe. I needed to see those eyes to keep me strong, to keep me sane.

"Brenna Michelle Ward." It was the merest whisper, but I got it out.

"Okay, Brenna. Now that I know I swear that is the only name that I will call you." I nodded. His hand was still on my arm, gently rubbing smoothing circles. His hands were calloused and rough, but soothing. "Brenna? Can you please tell me where you're hurt?" I sighed, loudly.

"Why the heck not? I c-can't be any more m-m-mortified than I already am." His eyes flashed something I couldn't read then carefully blanked back out. "My left butt ch-ch-cheek." I squeaked out while burying my face in my hands. "I d-don't think it is too bad. Honestly...." I paused to glance up, to gauge his reaction to my next words. "I think he carved a letter or something in my bottom. You know, branding me his." That same emotion flashed in his eyes again and just as quickly it was gone. Anger?

"Would you like me to call a female officer? We are going to need to take you to the ER to make sure everything is okay. I do need to know what happened, if you're up to it." He scooted a bit closer to me to be able to sit in the aisle and I backed up from him quickly, he stilled. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"N-no. I'm sorry." I took a deep breath, repositioned myself in a sitting position, catering more to my right cheek to keep the pain at bay and decided, what the heck, I was going to have to face Jerk Face again someday. He knew where I lived.

I straightened my shoulders, lifted my chin high, locked onto Skip's fathomless blues and said, "I was r-r-r-raped. I was riding home and a guy showed up in front of me. He had on a j-jacket like your friend there," I pointed outside at Jack. "I d-didn't realize till later that it was way too big on him." I paused seeing the guy again in my head, my body shuddered involuntarily.

"Let me find a female officer. Or we can do this after you have been examined." He started to stand and I grabbed his arm tightly pulling him back to his seated position.

"Please, p-p-p-please don't leave me.... I just...want you..." I opened and shut my mouth several times because, well, wow! That sounded so wrong! "I mean... no, not _want_ you....Oh heck!" I buried my head in my arms. He lightly touched my arm, when I looked up his eyes had a twinkle to them that wasn't there before.

"I know what you meant. Continue please, if you'd like." He patted my hand and I took another deep breath.

"He was so close I tried to move b-back. He grabbed me, held me to him. He called me by name. My whole name, not just Brenna, Brenna Ward. He talked like he knew me." I knew my face was pleading with him to answer how this man knew that, I also knew he couldn't. So I continued, "He told me basically I had a choice. C-cooperate or I would be the reason other people d-died." I told him of the pregnant woman and talking to her before boarding, of the old woman, how he said their lives were in my hands. I had to take a minute to keep the tears at bay. Not too long, I needed to try to get this out as quickly as possible, but I was struggling with the memory of him and the stutter was aggravating me and the embarrassment. "So I gave in." I threw my hands in the air in an exaggerated shrug.

"I stood there and let him c-cut open my skirt and underwear. At one point I r-remember thinking I couldn't let this happen, before I could even react the gun was back and he was reminding me of that b-baby." I let my head fall to my chest and whispered, "I let him take my virginity. I just let him have it, without a fight. He wrapped that jacket around us, hiding his actions, and t-took...... everything." I couldn't look at him, I was so ashamed of myself I didn't even want to look at myself.

"Brenna?" His finger slid under my chin, I flinched, he stilled then very gently applied pressure till I lifted my head. He looked me right in the eyes and said, "You did what you had to do to survive. To make sure those he threatened survived. Do not be ashamed of that. If you are right and if you had fought, I wouldn't be here to help you, but to clean up some murders. He didn't take _everything_ , he didn't take a life. You will get through this. Don't forget that." His eyes were hard, his jaw set into a clinch of death and his other hand was fisting in and out. I stared at his hand, panic rising, even though I knew in my heart Skip would not hurt me, irrational fear gripped me. He followed my line of sight and jumped when he saw what I was looking at, like he didn't realize he was doing it. I'm sure my face was pale, my eyes wide and frightened. He let his hand relax and laid it loosely over his bent knees. "Sorry. Assholes bring out my temper." He tried to laugh but it fell flat. "What happened next, Brenna?"

Right. Back to serious. Never taking my eyes from his hands I continued.

"After he...um... after he r-raped me..." Why was that so hard to say? That's what happened, nothing I could do about it now. "He put himself away. I swear I will hear that zipper in my nightmares for the rest of my life." I shook my head, defeated and exhausted I went on. "I felt my bag move then return. He came back to my front and showed me the license and keys. He said I was 'the one'. Now that he knew he would be seeing me again. I d-didn't realize till then what he held. When it dawned on me, I think my heart stopped beating. He said b-beings I was 'the one', I needed something to remind me I belonged to him. He went back to my backside. I felt him touch me, then pain. He kissed me goodbye like a lover and left smiling. I c-couldn't make myself get off the train. I was bleeding. I hurt in places I've never hurt." I looked back to his eyes sheepishly. He had made his face passive, trying to show no emotion to that comment.

"I think he bruised my sides where he held on during...." I just waved my hand and he nodded his understanding. "Where the gun was, front and back hurt, then there is the fact my bottom is on fire and let's not get into.....the other p-place...." Okay I was so mortified by this. I think my brain to mouth filter had not only shut off completely but turned and ran screaming from the room. I was just saying anything now.

"I get it." He was trying to be professional. You could see it in his posture, his face. However his eyes, they were twinkling again at my discomfort. It should have made me angry. I wasn't a prude or anything, just a virgin, well was. Yes, this was a traumatic experience and all that stuff, but I think I lost it. A laugh bubbled up from inside me and once I started I couldn't stop. I laughed till I cried, cried till I screamed. I pounded my hands on the floor and I screamed as loud as I wanted to scream while that Jerk Face had his hands on me. I was done being obedient.

### Chapter Three

From the minute I stepped foot on that train and saw her standing there so still, so pale, her dazzling red hair braided to her knees, I knew this was an incredible woman. Listening to her tell her story, I found it was so damn hard not to pull her into my arms and hold her. She was beautiful, so beautiful. Those hypnotic green eyes mesmerized me. There was innocence in the way she held herself, even now when all her innocence had been taken. When she stated she had been a virgin my heart ached for her. To wait so long to have a mad man take it away like that was horrendous. But to let him without a fight to protect strangers that wouldn't have done the same for her, well, it was overwhelming.

So when she started screaming, I didn't think. I grabbed her and crushed her to me, gently rocking, running my hand down her long red silky hair. She fought me for only a minute then collapsed against me. "You're safe now, Brenna. You're safe." God, I hoped she was safe. If he had her keys...her license... I didn't want to continue that thought. In this technological day and age a lot could be done with that small piece of plastic.

Jack poked his head in the car and I stiffened, not wanting her to see that damn jacket that had scared the shit out of her. I shook my head no. He stayed out but looked pointedly at Brenna, the bloody floor and my arms around her. He raised a bushy eyebrow then said, "Ambulance has been here ten minutes." She stiffened at his voice. I nodded and he disappeared from sight.

"Brenna? We need to take you to the hospital. Have ya checked out." She was tucked into my lap, her head beneath my chin and I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss the top of her head. I couldn't do that though, even holding her like I was doing now was so far out of the rule book I could be dismissed from the case. I hoped Jack kept his mouth shut. On the floor no one could see us. She had stopped screaming but was silently sobbing in my arms. "Brenna? Do you want them to come in here or you want to go to them?" She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"I don't think I c-can walk, Skip, but I would rather go to them." When she tried to stand she wobbled dangerously. I thought _'screw it'_ and lifted her into my arms , making sure her shredded dress covered her up I carried her from the train to the awaiting ambulance. I laid her down on the gurney and started to step back as two EMT's stepped forward. She took one look at the guy on the left and clinched her hand on my wrist in a death grip.

I leaned into her and whispered "What's wrong?" There were people everywhere wanting to see the action. Cameras flashed behind us, I didn't know if it was my team taking crowd shots or the press or the crowd itself, but I wanted her shielded and in that damn ambulance fast.

"He is w-watching me. Over the p-paramedics shoulder. J-jacket." Her voice shook, the stutter I had been hearing the whole time she explained was making itself even more prominent, her eyes never left mine. I think she thought maybe he wouldn't know she saw him.

"I need you to glance quickly, don't make it obvious, then squeeze tighter to tell me if he is still there before I turn around." I touched her hand lightly so she knew what I meant. Her eyes darted to the EMT, then started searching furiously around the crowd. Her breathing hitched, tears fell, she closed her eyes and shook her head. Damn, he was gone. "Okay Brenna. They need to get you out of here. I will meet you at the hospital as soon as I can to get more of a description from you."

She didn't let go. She grabbed me with the other hand and said flatly, "No."

"No what? Have you changed your mind? I can't stop him if you don't tell me what he looks like, Hon....." The word honey fell short on my lips and I tensed for her reaction. It was habit when trying to talk a woman down to use endearments and being from Texas, I tended to use them a little more than most guys. It was ingrained in me. However that asshole had used them too, I didn't want to be like him in her eyes. She tensed but made no comment on my slip.

"I will only cooperate on one condition. Only one." Her jaw was set, spine straight, the determination in her eyes was palpable. She meant it and wasn't taking no for an answer. I nodded for her to continue. "You." I was taken aback by that one word. Me? Why me?

"Not sure I'm following?" Wasn't this a woman thing?

I had never been that cop. The one victims want with them through the investigations, trials, even years later as a friend. I have never gotten emotionally involved in a single case. With this one, I did the minute I walked on the train.

"You. I want you to stay with me. Protect me. He knows where I live Skip. He knew my name before he touched me. I will cooperate.... _again_." She raised an eyebrow and waited till I acknowledged with a nod what she meant by that again. "Only if you are the one to p-protect me. I'm not real k-keen on men at the moment and if you send some strange man to watch me, I will k-kill them. I swear!" She was getting flustered, but damn she was cute.

Wasn't I a strange man? I looked towards the heavens and prayed for patience. "I will have to clear it with the Captain. But.... you got a deal Brenna. He won't get near you again. I need to go tell Jack...." I went to move but she clenched her hand on my wrist tighter.

"Don't you have a cell phone?" Her voice was sarcastic, but she looked at me with such pleading in her eyes I couldn't resist. I took my phone out with a sigh and dialed.

"Load her up guys, give me one second and I'll be ready to go with you." The EMT nodded trying to hide a smile. Only then did she release me to step back but I didn't leave her sight. When Jack answered I tried to explain. I didn't get the chance.

"You're going with her, aren't you?" There was laughter in his voice

"Yeah. The guy took her ID and house keys, Jack. He was watching from the crowds, took off before I could get a good look though. She won't cooperate if we don't protect her. It's him Jack, but you knew that. That's why you wore that damn coat again." We knew about the jacket he wore. Brenna's story was almost identical to the other four we knew about, all red headed, all roughly the same age, all beautiful. Only problem, he didn't take interest in the rest. He kept their panties, he didn't take their keys and ID's, he didn't brand them and no one else has seen his face.

"Yep, I figured it was him when I got the call. She reacted better than the last one though. I got the scene, go. I'll call the Captain." He was a good cop, but sometimes he had no heart for the victims. Hanging up I sprinted to the ambulance, jumped in and off we went.

When we got to the hospital she was taken to a room in the ER where many victims have been. They had to do a rape kit and collect any other evidence left by the attack. It was going to be a long night for her. When the female doctor, nurse, and officer came in the room I tried to leave.

"Okay, Brenna. When you're done here they will get your hip cleaned and sewed up if needed. I will just be outside that curtain." I squeezed her hand and turned to leave, she held on. I looked back, my gaze collided with hers and all I saw was fear.

Oh God, she was so afraid. My heart tightened in my chest for what she must be going through.

"D-do not even think about walking out that door...c-curtain....whatever!" Her voice started small and grew to a shout. "You don't have to look, you don't have to hear even, but if you get out of my sight I am walking out of this room without giving you what you need. I will be so far gone you will never catch this guy. Even if he kills me, so help me God I will not help you!" Her breathing was ragged, her face a ghostly pale, I could tell she was in real pain but she hadn't complained once. It also seemed the more worked up she got the less she stuttered.

I took a deep breath, this was not going to go well. "Brenna. This," I waved my hand around the room to the various instruments, _womanly_ instruments. "is not for a male officer. I will be...."

"No!" She sat up shakily, swung her legs off the bed and proceeded to stand up.

"Brenna you are going to hurt yourself worse. Get back in the bed. Bre..." I tried to reason with her. Nope. Stubborn woman was trying to leave the room, Linda, the female officer was blocking her way.

"Lady I don't care if you are a cop, I will deck you. I can refuse service if I want, to both establishments." She pointed at Linda, then at the doctor making her point. "Move!" Not thinking clearly I came up behind her and grabbed her waist to turn her to me.

Bad mistake.

She threw her elbow back catching me in the gut, spun, slammed her bare foot in my instep and brought her knee up for a groin shot. Luckily after the foot I knew her next move and twisted, she caught me in the thigh. "Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me! I never want to be touched again! That's what I should have done to Jerk Face!" She collapsed on the floor in a heap of tears.

Aww hell, what have I done?

I knelt beside her, so far out of my depths a motorized life raft wouldn't even save me.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to look at me, Linda is not who you're mad at." I looked at Linda and the doctor, both were stepped back against the curtain letting me, a man, handle this. I huffed out a resigned sigh, "Fine. I'll stay in the room." Linda went to say something but I held my hand up to stop her. "I know." I shot her a firm glower then tried to soften my features for Brenna. Exasperated, I said, "Okay, this is what we're going to do. You are getting back in that bed. I am going to stand at the head with my back to you." She went to make a sound but I kept going. "I will be right beside you. _Watching the door_. It's that or I leave the room. Deal?" She was fighting to control the sobs but nodded just the same. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding in a loud wooosh making her laugh lightly.

"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, Anthony. I just need your strength to get through this. Please?" She never looked up, she kept her head in her hands shaking it. The use of my real name startled me. I didn't think she would have remembered that in her traumatized state on the train. A tug of a smile lifted my lips and I quickly squashed it. "Can you please help me back to the bed?"

"May I lift you up? I will have to touch you." She squared her body and nodded. I lifted her and placed her on the bed as gently and quickly as possible.

She fell back and mumbled "Ready".

And so it went. I stood by the bed with my back to her, the examination being done right there behind my back. Linda's face was grave as she made notes, took pictures and surveyed the damage done to Brenna's abused body. At one point they got to a part when I heard the Doctor ask Brenna to put her feet in the stirrups, her hand found mine and squeezed. She held on for dear life through the rest of the exam.

I had never been on this side of the curtain. I knew the questions asked, I knew most of the answers because of reports and victims statements, but the humiliation this exam caused me was overwhelming, I could only imagine what it was doing to an innocent young woman like Brenna. My heart tightened even more for the fear and strength she had to do this. Knowing he could find her and do it again I vowed silently in that room he would not touch her again, not on my watch.

****

After my little tirade I have to say I did feel better. I don't know why I wanted this strange man, of all things, in the room. I just knew if he left my sight I would slip back into the nightmare I had been living for the past few hours. I needed Skip, no, I liked Anthony better. I needed Anthony to lean on, to keep me breathing, to keep me sane, to keep me safe. God, how I needed to feel safe.

Anthony was a big guy, over six feet at lease, he had thick strong arms that could kick Jerk Faces butt if he came back, I was sure of it. Jerk Face hadn't been much taller than my five feet and he wasn't particularly muscular. He looked more like he spent time in an office than a gym. Anthony on the other hand, he was all gym material. Yes, I would be safe with him.

After the most humiliating exam ever they didn't have to stitch the knife wound, just a few butterflies to my hip, well butt, but hip was a nicer way of putting it, less embarrassing at least. They did have to use a few stitches somewhere else which was again _humiliating_. The Doctor, who treated me like I was just another animal in a long line of animals, balked when I confessed to being a virgin. She said that it was so rare these days to find a fifteen year old virgin that a twenty-four year old one was like seeing a unicorn with a fairy riding it bareback over a rainbow. I didn't laugh. Neither did Anthony or Linda.

There had been semen which I wasn't surprised to hear, unless he had come with the condom on he wouldn't have had time to do that between the zipper coming down and him ripping me apart. I've never seen one put on or put one on a guy before but I imagine opening the package and applying it to....the male region....takes more than thirty seconds. And that's all the warning I had, about thirty seconds. We discussed birth control and again wasn't quite believed when I said I wasn't on the pill. Really? What's this world coming to when even doctors can't believe you're a virgin at twenty-four. Heaven help us all.

The Morning After Pill was decided on for any unwanted complications and they were going to keep me for the night for observation. I was secretly thrilled about this, I didn't have to go home yet. Thank the Lord. I was terrified he would be there waiting for me. I didn't know how long I could keep basically blackmailing Anthony to stay with me. Once I give the description and final statement would he leave me alone? I hoped not.

After all was done with the exam they moved me to a room in the maternity wing because it was secured and supposedly no one could get to me here. I've read enough novels that I'm not diluted to the fact that nowhere was going to be safe.

One place would be..... Anthony's arms.....

I wanted to kick my brain for throwing out that thought in the air. I did not want to think about that moment on the train when he scooped me up and let me cry on him. But the alternative to thinking about _that_ was thinking about why I had been crying in the first place and I'd rather go back to thinking about Anthony's arms around me. Cowardly? Yep! Definitely!

Once everyone left the room and I was settled Anthony took a seat in the chair beside the bed. He had pulled out a little note book from somewhere and was staring at me. "Yes?" I tried not to sound sarcastic but that one word dripped with it. Opps.

"I have called for a sketch artist but if you could give me a description we could maybe get this done faster." He looked like he might actually hate this part of the job for a brief second, then his face went blank and he spoke stronger, more in control of whatever emotion was plaguing him. "You told me about the jacket and mentioned a zipper so I assume he had on pants." I raised one eyebrow to him and he chuckled. "Of course he had on pants, I meant....." At my quiet laugh he stopped and just stared at me so I helped him out of the hole.

"Yes, he had on pants. He had on a very expensive suit actually, I can't tell you the brand but it wasn't cheap, it was kind of a soft material. Not silk or anything, but soft." I closed my eyes and hating every minute of it I called his image to the front of my mind. My breathing hitched then rapidly sped up, my heart monitor started going nuts. I tried to relax but the more I saw that man's face the more panic took over. A callous roughened hand slid over mine and squeezed, my body jerked but I didn't pull away, I turned my hand over and held on tight when he threaded his fingers in mine. Slowly my breathing calmed and my heart rate went to just above normal. Normal wasn't possible with him touching me so sweetly. I opened my eyes and caught his beautiful blue ones staring straight into mine. "D-dark brown eyes, they were full of hatred and evil when I first looked into them, haunted. As time went and he got his way more, they filled with downright joy. Right before he walked off all I could see was elation. He was so satisfied with....m-me." I had to swallow to keep from throwing up. I took some deep breaths then went on.

"He practically bounced out into the railcar on cloud nine. His eyes were close set, his nose, well all of his face actually, was very angular, stern maybe." I rubbed my hand over my forehead, the blood in my veins roaring through my ears. "Sharp nose, almost a pointy chin, high cheekbones. Oh and a small scar beside his nose, hidden in shadows." I ran my nail over the place where the scar was, remembering that it looked out of place. "B-black hair, slicked back away from his face with gel or something, fairly short, didn't hit his collar. He was m-mid to late thirties I believe, not much taller than me, maybe three or four inches. If he hadn't just....done what he done, I might have found him attractive, even handsome. I'll never again think that about a guy I d-don't know without wondering if he has to f-force women to screw him." You could hear the abhorrence for what he destroyed seep out of my words. I shook my head and glanced at Anthony.

Okay so I lied. Anthony was handsome, downright gorgeous actually. Strong body, broad shoulders, muscles you could see rippling under his shirt when he moves, muscles I felt when he held me close. Something I really didn't notice at the time, but now that I am coming down a bit I can see it. I bet he has never forced _any_ woman. Not that it will ever matter, Jerk Face just ruined every man for the rest of my life. No one will ever touch me like that again. Ever. Who would ever want to after what he did. Even if I tried, I would probably freak out and overreact. I've never had sex, I'm not going to count rape as sex, I never will now, not after this. I'm done with all that. Some women can enjoy that but I will never like what he did to me, I will never ask for it, never need it.....

"Don't. Don't do that." His deceptively low voice bothered me, he was angry. I cocked my head at him not understanding. "I see it on your face. You just decided no man will ever get that close to you again. No man will ever want or need you and you will never want or need a man. You just swore to be gay or celibate forever." Holy mother, was he a mind reader?

"How? N-not that I'm saying your r-right....but... how?" I was speechless and my stupid stutter was back, I haven't stuttered since I was six. I thought the stuttering on the railcar was because my body was trembling horribly, guess I was wrong.

"Brenna," He let out a tired sigh. "unfortunately you are not the first rape victim I have dealt with. I see it often enough and I can see it in your face. This is bad. I won't downplay what's happened, but it's not the end of the world. With time and a patient man you can have what you were waiting for, I promise Brenna. Give it time. Okay?" His eyes were so sincere and serious I had to look away. My lips pressed into a thin line and I just nodded sharply. He patted my hand and sat back in the chair I didn't realize he had left.

A nurse came in the room with pain killers and after five minutes of putting it in the IV I was feeling very good. I was trying without success to keep my eyes open for the sketch artist when I heard Anthony's voice speaking close to my ear. "It's okay Brenna. Go to sleep. The sketch can wait, with what you have given me she has enough to start with. Sleep sweet Brenna." With his last whispered words the world fell away.

**

The world around me was going from dark to light in fast flashes, like going in and out of a tunnel in the daylight. I could feel myself moving rapidly forward with nothing to slow me down. Ahead of me was Jerk Face. I was moving too fast towards him. I couldn't stop. He threw his arms open with that same smile he left with on his face as I was propelled into his arms. I tensed for the crash but I landed softly into his arms, like I had run to them. He closed me in a circle. Throwing my hands up against his chest I pushed trying to get away.

" _Don't fight me, Love. You know you want to be mine."_

I heard the slow decent of his zipper! I started screaming and fighting with all I had. "Anthony, help me! Let me go! Anthony!" I was kicking at him and thrashing my arms trying to get away. Nothing worked.

"Brenna? Come on, Brenna? Wake up for me _." I could hear Anthony's voice calling through the darkness ahead. I wanted to go to him, but Jerk Face held me tighter._

" _You will never be his. You are mine! I marked you! You are mine! You are what I covet!" His voice rang through the silence, reverberating around me._

"Brenna, wake up!" Anthony's hands gently shook my shoulders. When I opened my eyes I was face to face with him, worry and concern swirled together in the bluest depths. My gaze flew around the room looking for Jerk Face. They came back to rest on Anthony.

"You haven't left me." It was a statement, not a question. I knew I would wake up alone.

"I told you I would protect you. I'm not going anywhere, Brenna." His face had reverted back to the easy relaxed expression from the train, however his jaw was twitching furiously.

"You're mad." I dropped my gaze to my hands feeling guilty about keeping him. Oh god, how I wanted to keep him. "You can go if you need to. I'm sure your wife, girlfriend, whatever needs you home." I don't know what I expected but it wasn't to hear his little chuckle. I snapped my head up to glare at him, he laughed harder, big breath heaving laughs. "What is so funny?" I was really trying to keep from busting up myself.

"You are. Fishing for relationship status while telling me to go away! I love it!" His laugh had turned silent, his body still shook vigorously.

"I was not fishing! You had that relaxed face you get but the muscle in your jaw was twitching like on the train, I thought you were mad you had to stay here and protect the worthless ex-virgin!" Yeah low blow, but heck, it wasn't my best day.

"Whoa. Stop right there. None of that self-pity shit, or guilt for that matter! So far the few glimpses I have seen of you, the real you, not the you trying to deal with this shit, are very funny and kind. You are not a self-pity-er, so stop that right now." He crossed his arms over his chest and stood to his full six foot height. WOW..... What were we talking about?

"Um....thanks?" I fell back into the bed and puffed out my breath. Well crap! What to say now? A knock at the door sounded and saved my skin. The sketch artist came in and showed me what she had so far, she was close but not right. We set and worked on this well into the night before another knock sounded and Jack strolled in without the jacket. I still panicked. All I could see was the jacket he had on earlier wrapped around my body, the pain and torture happening carefully hidden in plain sight in front of a packed railcar. I was out of that bed and in the bathroom in less than one minute flat. The IV ripped out of my arm, the heart monitor had been unhooked while I had slept so that was undamaged, the blood pressure cuff ripped loose from the contraption on the wall and I was hiding in the far corner of a walk in shower, curled into the tightest ball possible, rocking and sobbing. Anthony was beating on the locked door while Jack yelled an apology and I assume left. My world narrowed to that bathroom floor and nothing else mattered as I screwed my eyes shut. Flashes of what happened on the railcar imprinted on my closed eyelids, the room tipped and darkness pervaded. I remember thinking, I just want to die now.

### Chapter Four

Brenna bolted from the room so fast no one saw it coming. For a minute we all just sat there, staring at the bathroom door. My gaze dropped to the floor and I saw the blood trail she left behind. Confusion on how that happened turned to rage when I saw the IV dangling from the pole. She'd ripped it out of her arm.

"Damn it Jack! You and that damn jacket! I swear if she hurt herself more by ripping out that IV I will kick your ass! Get out!" I shoved him towards the door.

"I'm sorry." He yelled towards the bathroom door, then "I'm not wearing the fucking jacket!" was added under his breath as he stood outside the door and leaned against the wall.

Time to talk Brenna down.

She locked the door. When she didn't answer after a couple minutes I sent the artist for a nurse or a key. I kept trying to ask her to open the door but when I didn't get an answer, worry gripped my gut and I beat harder. After what seemed like hours but was probably seconds the nurse came in and immediately unlocked the door. I burst in and didn't see her until I rounded the shower wall and there she was curled up on the floor, blood flowing freely from the torn vein in her arm, she looked like she was sleeping. I rushed to her and shook her slightly, she didn't wake up. I pulled her into my arms and sprinted back to the bed. The doctor had already arrived, she quietly bandaged her arm.

"If I got this right, he came in here and scared her?" She hitched her thumb towards Jack who was now leaning on the door frame looking in at the scene with the first hint of concern on his face.

"I just walked in the room." He said exasperated. "I didn't even open my mouth this time!" He threw his hands in the air and leaned against the inside wall.

"You wore that damn jacket the first time we met her. Even if you didn't have it on now the memory of you in it must have scared the shit out of her. Damn it, Jack! You need to think before you go playing with the victims, we might need them _sane_ later!" I had stormed my way across the room and was in his face by the time I was done ranting. I was seething mad and wanted to punch my partner in the face for the first time in six years!

"Anthony it wasn't his fault." At the sound of my real name Jacks' eyebrows shot into the air then fell leaving a smirk playing on his lips.

Damn it!

Her voice was weak but at least she was awake. I went back to the bed and ran a hand down her arm to comfort her. She flinched, but held eye contact. "Sorry Brenna, Jack doesn't always think things through." I glared at him over my shoulder. Why I felt so dang protective of this female was beyond me. Ten years in the department and never has a victim touched my emotional side like Brenna Ward. Hell, it hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet and I was fighting the need to tell her how I felt. The only thing stopping me was I had no idea what I was feeling!

"I'm sure he wore the jacket the first time to gauge my reaction, to make sure it really was Jerk Face. Fair enough, he got the reaction he wanted. You got stuck dealing with me." She smiled weakly at me and I heard Jack snort behind me. I opened my mouth to ask how she had figured that out but she cut me off. "I read a lot." She looked to small laying in that bed. "The second time I just saw his face and the jacket came with it. Not his fault. Jerk Faces fault. Don't worry, when we get him you can punch him accidently on purpose. But only once." She tried another smile but her eyes closed and she drifted off again.

"She lost a lot of blood earlier, now she's ripped that vein open pretty good and lost more. It's going to be a drowsy night, but she should be fine by morning." The doctor took her leave and I slumped back into the chair.

"Sketch artist said she had enough and was running with what you did earlier, she hadn't changed much in the last twenty minutes. It's after midnight, she left. You alright man? I have never seen you get in my face like that." He was shaking his head but had a wide grin spread across his entire face.

"Ha-ha. I'm fine Jack. Just didn't like to see her bleeding because of you." _He_ knew _I_ was lying, I knew I was lying, but what the hell, we kept it to ourselves. "Did you look at the sketch?" I kept my eyes on Brenna, she stirred a little but settled back down.

When he spoke he was right behind me. "Yeah. Nice looking guy for a raping bastard." He huffed.

"Yeah. She said if he hadn't already raped her when she actually looked at him for the first time she would have thought him a very handsome man."

"Why do you think he let himself be seen this time? And what was with the blood? He didn't make the others bleed."

"She said he told her she was 'the one'. He cut a shape in her left butt cheek. She believes it was a brand marking her as his property." I put my head in my hand and shook it. What the hell was the world coming to? I ask myself that at least seven times a week.

"Branded, huh? What shape? Might mean something that can lead us to him." Honestly I hadn't looked yet. Linda took pictures before it was bandaged. But I couldn't make myself stare at her butt in a picture. It felt....wrong. I wanted to see the real thing, cup it in my hands, caress it, and show her what it could feel like if the guy wasn't an asshole.

"Don't know. Pictures will show it." He snorted again like he knew what I was avoiding. Hell maybe he did. What was I supposed to do with a witness who refused to let anyone else near her? I hated babysitting. And babysitting Brenna, well that would just suck.

I'd rather show her all men aren't assholes.

**

As the night wore on Brenna slept fitfully. She woke for minutes at a time but slept most of the night. Somewhere around three in the morning I was starving. I couldn't sleep, Brenna had just fell back into a deep sleep, thanks to the pain killers, after awaking from her most recent nightmare and I should have a good thirty minutes to find something, anything to eat, before the nightmare returned. Her room was almost across from the nurses' station, only one door down. I walked out and informed the night nurse I wasn't going far and to let no one in Brenna's room. At a fast clip I left the floor to find food.

****

Anthony was running his finger down my face, it felt nice but.....something wasn't right. Anthony wouldn't touch me unless I needed to be touched, comforted. He knew I didn't want to be touched. I wasn't dreaming, so why would he touch me? I opened my eyes to stare into the dark gaze of Jerk Face. I felt my eyes widen in shock as I took a breath to scream. A rag descended over my mouth with a sickly sweet smell. Jerk Face was lying on top of me, taking in his position I raised a knee to his groin, the rag fell away with his curses.

"Now, Love? Is that anyway to greet your future?" I tried to struggle out from under him but he was so dang heavy. He grabbed my arms and held my legs pinned with his, unable to move I tried to scream again. His mouth slammed over mine kissing the scream away. I tried pulling my head away, he bit my lip, hard. I tasted the blood that trickled into my mouth and whimpered in pain. I stilled, he lessened his grip and pulled away slowly from my mouth. I frantically searched the room. Did he hurt Anthony? Where was he? "That's right Angel, your boyfriend isn't here. He left you lying here all alone and unprotected for me to have. How does he feel about the fact I was your first? Not him. Me!"

The smile was evil. The laugh was the devil incarnate. My whole body shuddered in revulsion succeeding in turning him on more. His erection dug into me and all I could think was if he ripped out my stitches would it hurt less when he raped me again?

"What do you want with me? I have done nothing to you. Why are you doing this?" I heard the plea in my voice and hated it. He wanted me to beg. He liked it.

"Oh, Love. You will be my wife. You will be my future. I knew when I saw you, when I felt how good we fit together. When I saw the blood that was left after I had you, I knew I was your first. I knew you were the one, unlike the others, they were a way to pass the time till I found you. You are my one!" The laugh again. I really detested that laugh.

"I will never be your wife!" Wrong answer, I never saw the back hand coming. One minute he held my arm the next my face exploded.

He put his mouth to my ear and whispered seductively, "Angel, you must learn not to be disobedient. So much pain can be avoided with a little obedience." I shook my head no because I didn't dare say it. My face exploded once more. Stars danced in my vision, darkness threatened to take me away. His hand didn't return to my wrist this time, it went for my throat. With my free hand I grabbed his wrist and tried to yank him away but he was stronger. I was gasping, seeing stars and praying for death when he released his grip allowing me to gulp in much needed air. "Don't think I will let you go that easily. If you are dead who will I fuck then?" He ground his hips into mine and I cringed from the pull of the stitches. This is going to hurt. He had removed the covers from the bed, guess he did that while I was asleep. He was now pulling the gown up to my waist when my head started getting foggy, I couldn't think right. Oh God, what was on the rag?

"Is she still sleeping?" Anthony's voice outside startled Jerk Face, making him catapult off the bed and take off running. I heard Anthony yelling at him to stop, heard nurses coming into the room, heard all kinds of things. I didn't hear Anthony again before my eyes closed to oblivion.

**

"How is she doing doctor?" Anthony. I heard him like he was far away.

"The chloroform is keeping her under. We found the rag on the bed, we don't know how much she got of it. Looks like she fought him this time." I heard Anthony let out a ragged breath. I don't think he liked that comment very much.

"Yeah, too bad she had to. How did he get past us? I was only gone for fifteen minute tops. Jesus!" He sounded like he was beating himself up pretty good for leaving me.

The doctor's voice slurred and garbled before darkness fell again.

**

It was still dark outside the window the next time I opened my eyes. I don't know if it was the same night or the next, but the room was quite. I looked around slowly trying to remember what happened, the train, the room, a conversation I couldn't remember. My eyes landed on two blue pools and my breath hitched.

"How are you feeling?" Anthony's hand was on mine, his thumb slowly rubbing circles over my palm. My eyes dropped to our hands and his thumb stopped. I wanted to cry 'don't stop!', for all my talk of not wanting to be touched the small gesture of comfort felt nice.

"Okay. Can I ask where you were?" My voice was raspy. I met his gaze again and guilt clouded over every other emotion there.

"Oh, God Brenna. I ran to get something to eat at the all night diner on the corner. The nurse was supposed to watch the room. I was barely gone fifteen minutes....he tripped an alarm in a room with a newborn on a SID's monitor and they all ran. He slipped in as soon as they left." He pulled his hand away and dropped his head into them. I reached up and hesitated for just a second before I ran my fingers through his hair. Dirty blonde, slightly wavy, too long but it looked good that way.

"It's okay. He didn't get to.....you stopped him from..." I couldn't say it. I couldn't make the word leave my mouth. He didn't rape me again. There, I thought it, does it count? His head snapped up, blatant furry in his eyes.

"He tried?" I could practically see the steam pouring from his ears. If I wasn't the topic of this story I might have laughed.

"'Tried' being the right word. He was pulling up the gown when we heard your voice in the hall and he ran. I think he thought you had left for the night and wasn't expecting you back. He wasn't in a hurry." I couldn't look at him, I turned my face towards the window and let the silent tears flow.

"I'm so sorry, Brenna. I won't leave your side again till he's caught." His calm exterior covered any emotions he might really be feeling, however his eyes held murder. "In the morning you will be released. I have a place where we can go. I've already called into your work for you and let them know you needed an unplanned vacation. It is unpaid but they agreed to the time off but no guarantee the job will be there when you return." He had his cop face and voice going, both were blank. He hadn't touched me again since he released my hand.

"It's okay I hadn't been there but a week, I can find something else, you can tell them not to hold it. I didn't care for the job anyway, it was kind of boring." I saw him tilt his head in acknowledgment out of the corner of my eye. I took a deep breath. "Where are you taking me?" I continued to stare out the window. My voice sounded small and weak. I hated it. I hated everything that man had reduced me to.

"Can't tell you. Not here. We aren't sure how he found you in this wing, hell, in this hospital. There are more than one in Philly. Not sure if it was staff or a leak on my end, so no one knows but me where we are going. Get some more rest, we'll leave early."

I nodded, my lips pressed into a thin line, trying to decide what the heck I did in a past life to get so screwed in this one.

### Chapter Five

Watching Brenna stare out the window and silently cry for the next hour was the hardest thing I think I have ever done. How can watching one woman you've know less than two days cry break your heart in half?

I have never wanted much out of life, if I'm honest, all I ever wanted was to work on a ranch. I grew up in a small town in Texas where my father was a Texas State Trooper. He lived for the job. One night when I was twelve he did a routine traffic stop and didn't walk away. The guy was carrying 94.5 kilos of heroin and a concealed hand gun. When my father got to the window the guy put a bullet in his head point blank. The dealer wrecked five miles up the road and was killed on impact. Justice served.

I was groomed to become my father's shadow from that moment on. I seldom liked my job, but I had no choice in it. This is what I needed to do since the night he was murdered. My mother made sure I knew that every day till I graduated high school and immediately joined the academy, even then she reminded me it was my duty to graduate top of my class like my father did.

I never understood why other officers became so hung up on certain victims. Checking in with them years after the crime was solved. It didn't make since to me. I was a good cop, but I was not an emotional one. In the six years since I moved to Philly for the detectives' job I had been emotionless with every case. Don't get me wrong, I feel for the victims. I'd do anything to help them, but in the end when the case is over, I am done, ready to skip to the next case. Hence the nick name, Skip.

I had a bad feeling this case would never leave me. Brenna would be the case I checked on years from now. The case I couldn't let go.

**

Early the next morning I checked Brenna out of the hospital. She had slept almost a full day since the second attack, the chloroform leaving her groggy and irritable. I had sent a female officer --not a redhead-- to her apartment the night before to get her a travel bag, hopefully she had everything she would need for our trip. She found the make-up first and tried to cover the ugly purple bruise on the entire left side of her face. She did well but I still knew it was there and it broke my heart knowing I let it happen. The hand print on her neck was unavoidably visible. She zipped her light jacket up to her neck and tried to cover it up with the collar, but unfortunately it didn't.

We did a lot of back tracking from Philly west to Pittsburgh driving and exchanging rental cars along the way, before we finally took a flight from Pittsburgh, PA to Houston, TX. Brenna had been bugging me for hours about where we were going. Her expression at the airport when the Houston flight was called was hilarious. Now she was bugging me _why_ Houston? What was in Houston? I had kept her in suspense the complete flight.

"Seriously? You aren't going to tell me why you brought me thousands of miles away to Texas?" We were half an hour from landing and she was really getting pissed at me. Her arms were folded over her chest, her lip was pouting prettily, and I was laughing my ass off. I hadn't had this much fun in....well forever.

"Okay, okay! Fine. I have a friend that has a ranch in a small town southeast of Houston. He has always offered me room and board if ever needed. I called him up, explained the situation and here we are. Texas." She was staring at me like my head was on fire.

"You just called him up? Does he know Jerk Face could follow?" She was being stalked, had been raped then later beaten, thanks to me, and she wants to make sure my friend knew the danger. God I could love this woman.

"Yes he knows about 'Jerk Face', except I called him asshole." I shrugged like it didn't matter to me what he was called and she laughed. I loved her laugh. We had been traveling together for the better part of eighteen hours and she could still laugh.

"He's not worried?" She had a sour look on her face, her eyebrows were drawn and a frown marred her beautiful lips, like she just couldn't imagine someone putting themselves in danger for her.

"Ryker is ex-military. He doesn't have to worry for the reason that he could kill Jerk Face twenty five ways in less than one minute if necessary." Her frown grew deeper. I reached over to smooth the crease in her forehead but stopped before I touched her. She flinched before I even grew close enough reminding me of what a jerk I was. I let my hand drop, she didn't need to be touched, just guarded. I kept repeating this in my head but so far it hadn't sunk in yet. "Bren? What's wrong?"

"Is...um...your friend... Does he have a girl?" She didn't look like she wanted to know in advance so she could hit on him, she genuinely looked scared of the answer.

"Why?" I didn't want to tell her if this was going where I thought it was.

"Okay, here's the deal." She took a long steadying breath then charged forward. "So we have been on the road a long time and I'm exhausted and don't take this wrong but...." She closed her eyes tight, debating with herself. "Is he like Jerk Face? If he is military he could force a big _man_ to have sex with him if he wanted. Someone like me? I'd have no chance." She wouldn't look at me, instead knotting her fingers in her lap and staring a hole through them.

"Brenna?" She didn't look up. "Brenna?" I tried again. She shook her head no, refusing to look at me. I hooked my finger under her jaw to pull her face to mine. There was a small flinch but she didn't retreat away from me. When her eyes met mine she tried to look away, I wouldn't let her. "Look at me. Not every guy... no let me rephrase, _most_ guys are not like Jerk Face. Tell me something. Did you date before now?"

Her eyes were wide and again she tried to turn away, I held her chin firm waiting for an answer. She bit her bottom lip, winced from the pain Jerk Face left her then took a ragged breath and said simply, "No."

This time my eyes widened. "Why not? Your beautiful and you have a great personality." She gently took my hand and removed it from her chin with a shaky hand. Damn it I must have scared her more than I realized. She held my hand in her lap, quiet for a long time.

I had relaxed back in my seat figuring she wasn't going to answer. She still held my hand and hers still shook. "I wasn't brought up like everyone else. My mom was a nut job. Don't get me wrong, she was a great mom, a great person really...." She looked out the window letting that hang between us.

"But?"

"But she was completely mental." She laughed slightly. "When I was five I remember seeing her in the back yard, she was hanging from a low limb in a tree. Limb under her knees, upside down, fingertips dragging the ground, just hanging there. I went out and asked her what she was doing? Her face was beet red, I don't know how long she had been there but I was surprised her head hadn't exploded." She looked thoughtful as she just sat there with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Why was she there?" Intrigued, I couldn't help it.

"She said that if she hung upside down long enough the pictures in her head would be quite just for a little while and she could focus more on me. I never understood what pictures she talked about but when she did she would always be very sad and withdrawn from me. Some days she would lock herself away in her room and say the pictures were taking over her today, she would see me tomorrow, before she retreated she would call my Granny to come get me. We lived in the country, away from civilization, so walking to a friend's house, not that I had any, was out of the question. I was homeschooled. My kindergarten year the kids teased me about my mother the Wacko. I cried every morning before school and every evening it was worse. Mom was really smart at school. She got pregnant with me at sixteen, so she tested out of school by the time I was born. She always said she could have finished school long before I decided to make an appearance if she had wanted to but it was too much fun trying to catch the teachers in a mistake to do that." She laughed lost in her memories.

"So from first grade on mom taught me. She was smart, I'll give her that. I was kept away from people from kindergarten on with Mom and Granny my only company, oh and my books. Not because something was wrong with me but because with how young mom was when I was born and how nuts she was afterwards. I was teased mercilessly, even by adults. So Mom and I lived in the middle of nowhere. Granny brought us groceries and supplies. She came to check on us twice a week and every other Sunday for brunch. I didn't leave that house till almost five weeks ago when my mother past away." She returned to her thoughtful stare out the window and remained quiet the rest of the flight.

**

We rented a truck --you had to have a truck in Texas, actually you had to have a truck to get to Ryker's place-- at the airport and drove the hour towards Ryker's. Shortly before we arrived there I realized I had never answered Brenna's question about Ryker. Was he dangerous to her? That was the question she didn't ask, but the one she wanted answers to. So against my better judgment I woke her up.

"What's wrong? Are we there?" She looked around the dark pasture land surrounding us and then back to me with questioning eyes.

"We're on Ryker's land, but we are still a little ways from the house. You asked me a question at the hospital and you wanted to know about Ryker earlier and I never really answered you." I took a large lungful of air and continued quickly hoping not to regret this. "I don't have a girl. Ryker doesn't have a girl. Ryker is ex-army and yes he can be dangerous..." I heard her sharp intake of breath and glanced her way, her face was terrified, so I hurried on. "but not to you. He is a great guy and an even better friend. I grew up next door to him. Although it's been a few years since I have seen him, I'm sure he is still the brother I grew up with here in Texas." I glanced again at her and she was deep in thought. God I hope she listened to all that. I hope I didn't lose her at 'yes he's dangerous'.

"Um.." She paused and tried again. "Okay. I will t-take your word on this. You say he is a g-good guy, I will respect your friendship, b-but can I ask a favor? I know I have no right to but it would ease my c-conscious." She kept her head down, staring at those elegant fingers. I had noticed her stutter before and had chalked it off as a byproduct of the attack, however hearing it now I wondered if it was a nervous tick of sorts. She only seemed to have it when she was upset.

"Sure Bren. Anything." I hope I didn't just lie to her.

"Will you ask him to please try not to touch me in anyway?" Her voice was so small I barely heard her. Did the assholes attacks wound her that much?

"Sure Brenna. I don't see a problem with that. There is one other thing you need to know." She inhaled deeply and held it. I waited for the exhale but it didn't come so I hurried on before she killed herself. "He has a few guys who live on the property, they help with the horses and such beings it is a working ranch and he needs help. But they do live in houses on the other side of the barn and will be nowhere near us except at meal times." She slowly exhaled and nodded before she curled into the window and seemed to wilt right in front of me.

How had she survived five weeks alone in this world away from her isolation? She worked in a floral shop in Philly, she had to have met some people since she's been there, right? With my mind tucked firmly into all things Brenna, I missed something because all of a sudden she yelled "Stop!" I slammed on the breaks and out of the truck she flew towards a pasture on our right. Resigned to my fate, I followed.

### Chapter Six

Some things he said about where we were going scared the heck out of me, the men mainly. However what grabbed my attention on that road was the beautiful stallion prancing in the field beside us. It was as if he called out to me, I had to go to him. I ran full force through that pasture straight to the beautiful grey stallion. Horses, now horses I knew! People, not so much.

He pranced a little as I approached, but didn't make like he would run. He was severally limping on his front right leg, something was obviously wrong with it. I approached cautiously with my hand held palm out to let him know I was a friend. He eyed me, I eyed him and the closer we came together the calmer we both became. I rubbed his nose tenderly and he nudged my hand for more. I walked up beside him and ran my hand over his coat, so beautiful, so soft. I trailed my hand down his injured leg and he lifted it up for me to see. It was too dark out for me to really make out anything so I let his leg go with a pat and called over my shoulder to Anthony.

"Do you have a light or cell phone so I can see his hoof?" A burst of light came from behind me and the horse backed up. His uneasiness with Anthony was quickly going to backfire. "Stop. Step back I'll come to you." I walked backwards till his hand touched my shoulder and he handed me the light. I tried very hard not to cringe when I felt his fingers brush lightly over my shoulder but my body tensed anyway and his hand fell away quickly after giving me the phone, with a muttered "sorry". I don't think the big boy in front of me heard the apology. He stomped his uninjured foot and snorted shaking his head towards Anthony as if telling him "don't touch her!" I stepped quickly back towards the horse and we both calmed as soon as I was out of touching range from Anthony.

"You don't like Anthony?" I whispered while keeping eye contact with him. A serious of pictures flashed through my mind, all of them had one thing in common. A man beating him. Not the same man, several different ones, but all men just the same. "Yeah I don't like men that much either big boy." The horse nodded his agreement.

I repeated the same steps as before with a "Careful Brenna" coming from behind me. I was more careful with people than I would ever be with a horse. Them I got. They didn't hurt people for no reason and leave them praying to die in a railcar. No, horses I understood, I had a connection to them that I couldn't explain but loved every moment of it.

I was looking at the big guy's foot when we heard a voice coming from a short distance away. "Get away from that horse!" I had just fixed the problem, a large splinter in the soft flesh, when I looked up to see a man, a very built man running towards me, screaming something. I panicked as only I can.

I started stepping back away from the incoming Bigfoot of a man when I heard Anthony's voice behind me. I don't know what he said, I just heard a male mumble, in my head, yeah, I knew who that one was, but the bigfoot who was way to close now is who scared me. In my fear addled brain, I froze, my eyes went to the horse, his went to mine. I bolted towards the horse the same time he kneeled on his front legs to allow me access. I jumped on his back cringing in pain from my stitches. We flew through the pasture land away from the men behind us. My name getting softer and softer as we ran.

****

"What the hell did you do that for? The horse was hurt." I screamed at Ryker as he stopped short when Brenna fled.

"How the hell did she do that?" He was looking after horse and rider, pointing in their direction, stunned. I've never seen Ryker dumbfounded, but he was now. "What did she do to that beast?" He looked back at me eyes wide then back at the speck that was Brenna and my cell phone flashlight.

"I don't know what you're talking about, except it kneeling for her, which was a little strange. We need to go calm her down. You scared the shit out of her." I punched him in the chest a little harder than called for, and ran for the truck. Ryker still stood staring after Brenna. "Ryker, you coming?"

"Yeah." He rubbed the top of his military sanctioned haircut and sprinted to the truck. "You have to go up to the barn, we'll have to saddle two horses to go after her, the truck won't work out there, it gets wooded soon. Hurry up before that horse kills her." He had started out still stunned but as he talked he came back to himself and realized something as a danger because his voice grew edgier.

"What do you mean before it kills her?" My heart was racing and the sound of blood rushing through my head was threatening to drown out his words.

"I was running at you to tell you to get away from that horse. He is not a nice rideable horse. He has broken three of my hands, but he has yet to be broken himself. No one here has ridden him for more than two seconds and no we weren't training for a bronco ride either." My foot pushed the gas to the floor and we half bumped, half flew to the barn.

"If anything happens to her I'll kill you myself, Ryker!"

"And I'll let you. Damn I can't believe she got on that horse. Who is she again?" He looked half in love with Brenna already. Oh man this was a mistake, I shouldn't have brought her here.

"Listen to me Ryker. First we get her back, then you apologize for scaring her to death, then you keep your hands and eyes off of her." He let out a short bark of laughter and I remembered her request. "I'm serious, Ryker. That girl has been through hell the last couple of days. She has been raped and beaten, now she won't allow anyone to touch her. You or your men are not to lay one hand on her or she will flip out or run. Next time we may have to do more than race after her on horseback." I parked the truck and took off to the barn without waiting for his reply. I didn't tell him about the virgin part, she had been humiliated enough without more strangers knowing that. Damn, I needed to warn him too keep the rest to himself to, the entire ranch didn't need to know her business.

Ryker joined me in the barn and with a sharp nod of his head, acknowledged my rant. "Also Ryker? Don't tell the guys why, but tell them to keep their distance from her unless she approaches them. They don't need her gory details, only you and I need to know that."

"I got it. I wouldn't tell them why in the first place. I know you needed to tell me, it's my ranch, but they don't need to know shit." Thank god we agreed on something.

We were saddled and running across the pasture in less than fifteen minutes. We followed the trail she took and found her fairly easy considering she had two hundred and fifty thousand acres to get lost in.

There was a small creek in front of her, she still sat on the stallion's back but she was leaned over on his neck sobbing. The big horse was standing perfectly still letting her cry all over him. I pulled up short and told Ryker to stay back no matter what, I couldn't let her get scared again. Slowly I nudged my horse forward.

****

I heard Anthony before I saw him. At least I hoped it was Anthony. Fear tightened my chest, the horse below me started to prance nervously then I heard my name in Anthony's deep voice. I breathed a sigh of relief because I had no idea where I was and thought I was lost for sure.

"Anthony? Are y-you alone?" My voice shook, but heck my whole body was shaking. I hope Bigfoot stayed far away. That was an enormous man.

"Ryker is a little further up the path. I didn't know the area well enough to find you alone, but he's staying back." I let my breath go and relaxed slightly.

"Was that b-bigfoot, Ryker?" Now I felt somewhat silly, but in my defense he was a very large man.

"Bigfoot?" He laughed. One of his real laughs, not the one he tries to cheer me up with, I like this one much better. He then called behind him into the darkness. "You hear that Ryker? She thinks you are a Sasquatch!" He laughed even harder, I was afraid for a minute he'd fall off his horse.

A deep masculine voice called back "Better a bigfoot rather than a little...." I didn't hear the end of that statement. Anthony coughed loudly to cover him up.

"Don't mind him Brenna, He's just jealous that horse likes you better than him." His voice still held the traces of laughter causing me to relax a little more with the easy banter.

"What? Why does Big Boy here not like him?" I've never found a horse that didn't like me. A horse not liking you or vice versa was strange to me.

"Well the reason he scared you with his beastly manners up there is supposedly that horse is not rideable." He was close enough now that I could see his eyes in the moonlight and they were twinkling brighter than the stars. He was enjoying Ryker's discomfort, a lot.

"He didn't give me any trouble, did you Big Boy?" I reached down to pet the horses neck, when I rose the look on Anthony's face was so open and unguarded it took my breath away. He took my breath away. Siting on that horse I could tell why those cowboy boots I first saw him in were so worn. He belonged on that horse, this was where he was comfortable, this was what he loved. I hesitantly wondered why he was a cop.

A noise in front and to my left had me backing Big Boy up with just a tensing of my knees. He knew what I needed even if I hadn't told him.

"Ryker, stop." Anthony's voice held a warning that even snapped my head back to him. I had never heard him speak so roughly, even when he was yelling at Jack in my hospital room. "I said stay back. Please." The please was a definite after thought maybe to make his rough reprimand softer, maybe he saw the look on my face when he spoke that said I didn't like him like that. Although I wanted to study Anthony sitting on his horse, I knew I had to get this out of the way before I had heart failure sitting here wandering who Ryker was, and why did he look larger than life?

I set my shoulders, lifted my chin and grabbed Big Boys mane. I saw Anthony's smile at the same time I spoke, "It's okay Ryker, I need to meet you to thank you, if nothing else, for giving me this safe haven." I looked towards the dark where the noise was coming from and out strode the second most gorgeous man in the world. I snapped my jaw shut and just stared at this fine specimen of military breeding. Then my thoughts slammed to a stop when I saw _his_ eyes in front of me. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and Big Boy pranced under me. My stitches were really beginning to hurt and I truly needed to get off this horse.

*****

I saw the moment it happened. She was smiling at Ryker, then _Bam_ , memories slammed into her so hard she jerked backwards. Ryker looked to me and I held my hand up to indicate he wait. I slowly and hopefully, quietly, moved to where I was beside Ryker. I wanted her to see me with him thinking maybe her brain will depict a friend not foe. She sat there with her eyes shut, she made a slight whimper sound and I almost went to her. I needed to touch her, run my hand across her arm to make sure she was okay. But she wouldn't want that. She would flee from that. I had to give her time to work through these raw emotions. She squirmed on the horses back as it pranced and only then did I remember the doctors saying she had to have stitches down there. Aww man. I bet she forgot that when she jumped on the horse like that. Okay she'd had enough time, she needed a bed. It was well after three am and she just left the hospital today.

"Brenna, we need to get you back to the house. Your...um...stitches can't be feeling good right now." She gave a curt nod then did what I was becoming to see as her strong side taking over. She straightened her back, raised her chin and latched on to that big horse. Her eyes came open filled with pain, it fled quickly falling blank.

"It is nice to meet you Ryker. Thank you for the use of your ranch and" she reached a hand down to pet the horse then glanced back up with a brilliant smile and pronounced, "your unrideable horse." With the smallest movement of her legs that crazy horse started walking and pranced her all the way back to the barn.

Ryker's mouth hung open so long I thought I was going to have to count the flies that had gone in and died! I just laughed. "Unbelievable." Ryker's voice trailed after me as I trotted to catch up to Brenna.

### Chapter Seven

Ryker's home was a large two story colonial style home in the middle of two hundred and fifty thousand acres of beautiful green pastures, even in early October. Even though it was dark outside I could see how green and lush the fields were. This was a happy place for a horse or horse lover, I decided. After taking care of the horses Ryker showed us to the house. There were huge arched columns on the wrap around porch that led to double front doors. As we entered, the living room was sprawled out to our right. It was spacious with seating for at least fifteen people in front of a big flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall. Across from the living room was a dining room with a beautiful solid oak table. It looked to sit eight but there was room to extend the table for more people. The kitchen adjoined the dining area. It was large with modern stainless appliances, an island was dead center with built in cutting boards on the surface that you could just snap on or off. It had four ovens mounted on one wall side by side, they all had glass top burners just begging me to cook on them. Fabulous!

He promised to show us more tomorrow and turned us around to take the stairs that separated the dining room and living room at the back half of the rooms. They went up to a platform then back up again. Four doors were down the hallway we were facing. Ryker showed us and our luggage to our rooms. They were side by side. Mine had glass paneled French doors that opened onto a beautiful balcony that connected my room to Anthony's. After showing me into my room and making sure I knew where theirs were, Ryker's was straight across from Anthony's, which made me shutter thinking of that large dangerous man so close to me, I held it in though till I got into my room alone and shut and locked the door. The guys went down to forage for food.

I walked slowly around the room exploring every nook and cranny. My small apartment and the two room home my mother and I shared were nothing compared to this one room alone. It was stunning, painted a light baby blue with dark navy accents. There were two doors leading off one wall, I vowed to check those out in a few minutes. A four poster bed was against one wall, a dark navy comforter spread across it neatly. A night table sat at the head of the bed with an antique looking lamp placed on it. A dresser and desk adorned the wall on either side of the french doors, an old wooden chair that didn't look very comfy sat at the desk.

I walked swiftly to the doors wanting to see the twilight view. I stepped out on the balcony amazed at how the small sliver of moon shown against a dark sea of twinkling stars. There were so many more visible here than in Philly. The small property we owned in Pennsylvania was nothing compared to this sprawling acreage. We only had a small house on one acre in a clearing surrounded by trees. Even in the one acre free of the leafy canopy the stars weren't this beautiful. This? This was beyond breathtaking. I wandered back into my room, returning to the two doors on the far wall. Upon inspection I found one to be a nice sized walk in closet and the other a private bathroom. Now I was in heaven!

I hadn't had a bath, or shower for that matter, since before the train. I was too weak at the hospital and the stitches had been to new. The nurse had let me sponge myself clean, but that was only embarrassing and did nothing for the dirty feeling I've had since the attack. However now I could enjoy at least a soothing shower. Tomorrow I should be able to take a bath.

I dug around in the bag that Anthony had provided and found my soft flannel pajamas. Taking all my needed stuff into the bathroom and leaving it on the counter, I slipped into the warm spray of the shower.

Heaven.

****

Sitting in the kitchen with Ryker eating cold pizza felt like old times. We haven't done this in nearly twelve years. Since before we both joined our own branches of service.

"Soooo," He drug the word out to a comical quality. "tell me about your horse whisperer." He had a teasing glint in his eyes and I was hoping to heaven that it was because he could see she was off limits to him for reasons beyond anyone's control because of a mad man's whim, _not_ because I really liked this woman!

"Not much to tell." Okay so I lied my ass off. She was the most intriguing woman I knew. From her solidary upbringing to more recent events, including the fact she didn't mention she was in love with horses. Ryker just sat there staring at me. Yep, he had eyes and could see just from the half hour we'd been here that she was remarkable. I kept quiet. He stared.

This went on for a good ten minutes. The pizza was gone and the water upstairs had started running. Brenna was taking a shower.

Kill me now, please.

"You just looked up those stairs with an expression that said you really want to take a shower and not alone. Spill it Anthony." He said my name stressing it out like my mother used to. Some things friends weren't supposed to remember.

"Call me Anthony again and I'll punch you. You haven't called me that since we met at age four," and to really get his goat I added, "Samuel Ryker." In _his_ mother's tone. I laughed long and hard as his face squished up like it did when we were boys and we were Anthony Andrew and Samuel Ryker, not Tony and Ryker, because we were in trouble for something when _those_ names came out.

"Okay I'll drop the Anthony, if you drop the Samuel." He laughed good naturedly then continued his one sided staring contest. "I noticed she calls you Anthony." He smirked at that little tid-bit of unnecessary information.

"That's because in Philly I go by Skip, department nickname." I added to his raised eyebrow. "She said she liked Anthony better. Never told her to call me Tony." I smirked back not to be out done. If she didn't have the option she couldn't have chosen it.

"Alright fine, be that way, brother. So what do I need to know about her and the asshole you're protecting her from? Those bruises on her pretty face and throat are tragic."

I sighed, all pretense gone, time for work. I guess she hadn't covered it as well as she thought, or it had all worn off by three am. I tried not to look at it, it made my temper boil and I wanted to kick my own ass for leaving her. "Short version. We have a serial rapist case that only goes after early to mid-twenties red headed women. Each one was accosted in a railcar. They were either already positioned in the back of the train or he 'lovingly' forced them there..."

"Whoa wait....lovingly?" Ryker's face resembled mine the first time I heard one of the victims say it.

"He comes up behind them wraps his arms around them and whisper in their ear, like a lover. They all say the way he whispers the commands and threats you'd think he is professing his undying love for them. Unless they fight or try to flee he is gentle with them, well, as gentle as a rapist can be while hiding two bodies under a trench coat and having sex with an unwilling partner." I took a drink of my water and watched Ryker closely. He nodded like he understood but opened his mouth then shut it again like he was trying to ask a question but didn't know what it was. "Spit it out, Ryker."

"What about a trench coat?" His eyebrows furrowed and confusion filled his face again.

"He wears an oversized trench coat type jacket. Pulls their back to his front inside the jacket to cover them, we think that's more to cover himself than the woman. Then he takes them from behind. Roughly."

"But.. How... They have clothes on don't they?" His brows were pulled together trying to figure it all out. It was almost laughable, till you realized what you wanted to laugh about, then your head hung in shame, or at least mine did, it wasn't funny in the least.

"He watches them, follows them, or at least we believe he does. He knows them by name when he confronts them, not just first name either. When they wear a dress or skirt of some kind is when he strikes, cuts the back open with a knife, cuts off the underwear, he keeps those by the way, he has perfect access from behind." Ryker's face registered disgust and out right rage and I was right there with him. "Brenna is different. She was the first one he took more than the underwear. He took her ID and house keys. He also 'branded' her, or at least we think that's what the mark was for. He told her she was the 'one'. Whatever that means in his world....."

Glass shattering in the hallway brought Ryker and I to our feet in time to see Brenna's pale face get even paler. She looked down to her feet then back at Ryker and her whole body gave a violent shudder. She tried to step back away from him, trying to put distance between her and what she perceived as a threat, but when her barefoot came down on a piece of broken glass she unsuccessfully tried to stifle a cry of pain. We both took a step forward and she tried again to step back, once more stepping on glass shards. I put my hand on Ryker's shoulder to stop him from progressing and pulled him further away from her. Her eyes never left him. "Stay there." I whispered to Ryker before taking a small step forward and speaking in soft comforting tones.

"Brenna? It's just me, Anthony. I'm going to come get you out of the glass. Stay still Angel...." I slipped. She took a step back eyes now wide on me. Anguish, hurt, pain clouded her face. I don't believe she was in the room with us anymore, the nickname throwing her into the past. She started swaying where she stood, I sped up afraid of her falling into the glass at her feet. I must have spooked her because she started to backpedal away from me throwing her hands up towards her face as if to block a hit. "Enough!" It came out louder and rougher than I meant, but all I could see was the blood trailing behind her as she trampled through the broken glass barefoot. She froze. Still as a statue, she didn't even breathe. I took two long strides, wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest to carry her out of the glass. By the time I set her on the island she was hyperventilating.

Aw man, I'd done it now. "Ryker?" I turned to look behind me to see he already had his medic bag from the army beside him, now to get her to let him treat the feet and her breathing.

"You have to talk her down before I can get anywhere near her." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back off the island, I fell into a chair and cradled her in my lap like I did on the train. In a soft tone I apologized for the slip, and for scaring her, coaxing her to breathe slowly. It took a few minutes but I got her to calm down enough to acknowledge she at least knew it was me.

"I'm okay, I'm okay." She repeated this for another minute or two before the sobs, tears and hiccups quieted down to her silently lying in my arms. Now the fun part. Getting Ryker close enough to see her cut up feet.

I pulled her into a sitting position and made her look me in the eye, then said softly and as sternly as I dared. "Ryker needs to look at your feet. They are bleeding." Her blank expression registered pain for a split second before blanking out again and shifting to Ryker.

He held up his bag, "I was a medic in the Army. I won't hurt you and I'll only touch your feet. It doesn't look too bad from here, Brenna." He smiled confidently at her and her focus shifted back to me. Fear laced her face and tears were brimming in her eyes. Then she did it again. Closed her eyes, straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, her determination set, she opened her eyes and dipped her head in consent.

Ryker silently knelt beside us and as promised touched only her feet. He bandaged them up quickly and efficiently all the while her eyes never leaving mine. "Done." Came Ryker's softly spoken word. She nodded again stood on her bandaged feet and went carefully back up the stairs to her room, never voicing a word or whimper to her pain. "I pulled four good size shards out of that girls feet and she never made a noise. I've tended soldiers who made more noise over a splinter." We were both staring at the stairs with that same dumbstruck look Ryker had earlier with the horse. "Remarkable woman once she sets those shoulders, isn't she?" I could hear the smile in Ryker's voice. He shook his head while he went to clean up the glass.

I was thinking 'She's always remarkable.'

****

I stepped down the stairs to hear the guys talking about Jerk Face. As has become my custom in the last few days, I panicked. The pretty glass I was carrying down stairs to get juice in to put beside my bed, fell and shattered. Ryker whipped around so fast with a look of rage on his face, he shuttered it quickly but it scared the hell out of me. I looked down at his broken glass then back to his face. I wasn't seeing Ryker anymore, I only saw Jerk Faces smile floating in front of me, I stepped back. Pain lanced across the bottom of my foot and I tried not to let the jerk see my pain, but a whimper escaped. They took a step forward when I stepped on the glass and the jerks eyes danced in my vision. Anthony started forward again mumbling softly. "Brenna? It's just me, Anthony. I'm going to come get you out of the glass. Stay still Angel...." That's all it took to throw me back on that train.

In my head I wanted to fight, to run, something. I think I took more steps, I'm not sure. When Anthony started moving too fast I saw the jerks hand coming across my face. I tried to block it, to back away from him but I couldn't get away, he was everywhere I looked, taunting me. Then Anthony's voice boomed "Enough!" my fear paralyzed me. The chloroform was sinking in, I was going numb, vaguely aware of the pain in my feet, I felt his hands pulling the gown over my legs, higher and higher. Then I was in Anthony's arms and Jerk Face melted away, all that pent up fear and frustration at myself for not being stronger bubbled up and I made a fool of myself crying all over the only man that had ever held me close and didn't hurt me.

After I let Ryker bandage my feet I had to leave. I couldn't sit there in his lap and not feel something. But feeling something was not what I wanted. I wanted to feel nothing. I wanted all the pains, fears, self-hate and pity to go away. I only wanted to be numb for just a little while.

The hospital had sent me off with a bottle of pain pills so I flipped through my new bag Anthony had bought me in one of the small towns we switched rental cars in during our extended trek to the airport. I had left my other one with the police to finger print and bag as evidence. Finding the bottle I crawled onto the bed and poured the pills into my hand. I was sitting there looking at them when my door opened and Anthony came in. He froze staring at the pills in my hand, at me and back to the pills. I wasn't looking at him, but the pills. I could only see him out of the corner of my eye but the anger and concern rolling off of him was palpable.

He slowly, but determinedly, walked to the side of the bed and knelt next to me. He didn't get to close and I never moved from my spot. I was too tired to run from him anymore tonight. My body hurt, my chest ached and my brain was so confused I couldn't figure out if I was just staring at those pills or contemplating taking them all. Needless to say this was a new all-time low for me and I had a witness.

He didn't say a word. He only held out his hand to mine, careful not to touch me. I continued staring at the possibility of it all going away, it just didn't make since to me that when I could have possibly found a man that felt right for me, it was hours after I was attacked that he walked into my life. How fair was that? So even though I wanted to drown myself in that bottle of pills, I took my other hand and picked up one pill. I flipped it for him to see I only had one, then dumped the rest into his hand. I put the one pill in my mouth and swallowed it without water. After taking the bottle from the bed beside me, he dumped the pills in it and put it in his pocket. I was pretty sure I would never get that chance again as long as he was here. Honestly I wasn't sure if I liked that.

I closed my eyes for a minute then climbed under the covers and rolled to face the wall. Anthony flipped on the small low lit antique lamp by the bed and turned out the overhead lights. I heard his footsteps walking away from the bed, but they didn't leave the room. I turned back to see him sitting in the desk chair next to the French doors, his eyes never leaving me. I rolled back to my side and closed my eyes.

Half an hour later with the pill taking affect, my body relaxed and sleep rolled in like a fog. As I started to go under I whispered "Thank you, Anthony."

His softly spoken "You're welcome." Sent me off to sleep.

### Chapter Eight

I awoke to light spilling in from the French doors. I stretched tenderly and was happy to find my body ached a little less today. I glanced to the chair but my guard was gone. I remember the last nightmare I had and how I woke up sobbing into his chest. I don't know why he was in my bed, if he just came to comfort me or if he had tired of the chair and laid down beside me. The calming way he talked to me, whispering that I was going to be okay. I could never repay him for those moments of peace.

I was dreading seeing him today though. After that ugly scene with the pills I don't think I will ever be able to look him in the eyes again.

I crawled off the bed and dressed for the day. Pulling my long auburn hair up in a high pony tail that seemed appropriate for a ranch, then braiding it to keep it out of my way. I was excited to see Big Boy in the day light and ran --well hobbled actually-- straight out the front door. Ryker had told me last night to make this place my home for as long as I was here and right now I wanted to see that magnificent horse. Then I would go back and find something to eat beings the clock had read almost two o'clock, I was well past hungry.

I limped into the barn to the stall we placed him in last night, but he wasn't there. So I went to edge of the pasture he was in last night to see if I could spot him. Not far from the fence he was grazing on grass, having a grand time getting fat. I laughed and whistled loudly. He picked his head up and whinnied at me before breaking into a trot. There was dust coming up the same road we traveled last night from an oncoming vehicle, but I didn't pay it any attention as Big Boy sauntered up to me and gave me a snuggle with his nose. I wrapped my arms around his neck and took in the smell of leather, grass and horse. I loved the smell of a horse.

Behind me came a noise like a slamming car door right before a hand clamped around my arm. I did more than panic this time, I screamed and fought back. I spun around and brought my knee up into someone's groin, I was too blinded to see who it actually was, in my mind it was Jerk Face.

"Don't touch me! Let me go!" I screamed as loud as I could. The person had doubled over but was still clutching at my arm, tightly now. I brought my knee up again and heard the satisfying crunch of a nose. My attacker fell to the ground as the pounding of running footsteps enter my hearing.

"Brenna!" Anthony's voice tugged at my consciousness then I was wrapped in his arms, sobbing. He plopped down right there on his butt and held me.

"Don't touch me. Please don't touch me. No one touches me, no one but Anthony, please." It was a plea, it was a prayer, and it was the only thing I wanted.

****

"I'm here, Brenna. It's just me. No one else is going to touch you." I glared at the man lying on the ground one hand on his boys the other on his bleeding broken nose. He moaned in pain satisfying me.

"What the hell happened?" Brenna had quieted somewhat in my arms, silent tears still streaked her cheeks. Her eyes stared at nothing as I rocked her. Ryker was standing above the man on the ground, his voice firm, reprimanding.

"She was hanging on that stallion, I didn't want her to get hurt. I called out 'hey lady' but she didn't listen. I grabbed her arm to pull her away and she went ape shit on me!" The man had pulled himself up off the ground only holding his nose now, screaming back at Ryker he pointed at Brenna with his free hand.

"I told all of you this morning not to put your hands on her. Why the hell did you think grabbing her was fine?" Ryker was pissed. I could see him trying to rein himself back in, but he kept glancing to Brenna seeing nothing but emptiness in her eyes and tears streaming down her face in my arms and his anger would flare again. He had called a meeting first thing this morning and warned them all not to touch her, or even approach her. Let her come to them. And what's this asshole do? Both. Ryker had a right to be pissed. I was.

"I didn't realize she'd go nuts," At that declaration Brenna shuddered and started sobbing all over again. Now she was the nutty one, not her mother, I could hear it flying around in her head. "I just didn't want that damn horse to hurt her!" Now he was jabbing a finger at the stallion that was kicking and raring at the fence. Brenna took a shuttering breath and pulled herself up. Without looking at a single person she walked to the fence with her hand out stretched towards the stallion. He stopped and met her at the fence. Brenna pointed with her right hand to the grass and that damn horse knelt for her again. She slid through the fence and started to mount him to the disbelief of every ranch hand on the grounds.

"Brenna, remember your stitches." I didn't want her hurting.

She didn't turn around but halted halfway onto the horse. She said over her shoulder, "I will only walk and I won't leave this grassy area. I just need a minute. Please Anthony?" Her voice was soft, but not pleading this time.

"Please stay where I can see you. He might be nice now but just in case I would really like to be able to see you." She nodded her head and continued up on the killer horse, bareback none the less. Once seated, she tapped his left ear and he rose proudly holding his mistress. She leaned down, wrapped her hands around his neck and whispered something that sounded like "Come on Big Boy, take me away." The stallion turned and gently walked around the pasture with her still around his neck, hugging him close.

"Do you think you should have grabbed her now, Noah?" Ryker's amazed voice rang out over every man he had working for him. He turned to face his men and said, "I asked y'all to leave the lady alone this morning. Now, I'm ordering you! The next person to approach her without a very good damn reason will be terminated. Am I making myself clear?"

A chorus of still amazed "Yes, Boss" rang out around the group of men. Brenna brought the horse to a stop next to the fence she left from, she turned to find the man that grabbed her, Noah, and cringed when she saw his bloody nose.

"I am sorry for hurting you. You have to know that it wasn't you I saw but another man who hurt me recently. Please Ryker, don't fire him on my account. I'm not worth his job." Before Ryker, the hand or I could respond the horse took off a little faster only to slow once she was out of hearing range.

Ryker and I exchanged a knowing look then he took Noah to get patched up from his fight with a woman. He will never live this down.

****

Anthony stood at the fence and watched me ride Big Boy for over an hour, I kept thinking he would leave and I could get off but he didn't. Big Boy had been slowing down for ten minutes now, every time I took a painful breath he would slow just a bit. Finally he walked to the fence and stopped, refusing to move another step. I knew I needed to get off but my body hurt too badly to move and every time I did, something or someone was attacking me! Yeah I know feeling sorry for myself is worthless but that's how I felt. Worthless. I felt Big Boy moving nervously underneath me and looked up to see Anthony standing beside me. I was very careful not to look him in the eye. When he raised his hands to me like he was going to help I nodded and he gently pulled me off the hulk of a horse and into his arms. He carried me back to the house and into my room where he handed me a glass of water and one pain pill. A very small smile crossed my lips for the briefest of seconds remembering how he cared for me last night. Then the pain permeated everything else so I took the pill and fell backwards into bed.

Before leaving the room he said over his shoulder. "Dinner is in a couple of hours, sleep till then, I'll wake you when it's time. If you need me," There was a brief pause then, "for anything Brenna. Just call out. I'll come." I didn't make a sound and let him leave the room.

I then let my emotions fly and cried myself to sleep.

****

I closed the door behind me as I left Brenna's room, she was fast asleep and had been for an hour now. I needed to talk to Ryker about how to help her through this. She seems to be falling into a depression that is not like the woman I met, even on that railcar after just being attacked she had some spunk. The episode with the pills last night scared me in a way I didn't think possible after being in law enforcement as long as I had. As a cop, I deal with it all the time, but usually after the deed is done. Seeing her sitting there staring at that handful of pills like they were her only answer made me want to hurt the asshole who attacked her. I almost wish I wouldn't have lost him back in PA, if I would have led him here, I could have killed him. There were plenty of woods to bury him in, I'm sure I could have found a way.

Aw, but that kind of thinking will only get someone else hurt. Probably Brenna.

Ryker was standing in the kitchen. His medic bag still on the counter, two fists firmly placed on either side of it leaning forward like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. When I cleared my throat he didn't even look up. "How is she?"

"Physically, she's healing. Mentally, not so much. How's Noah's nose?" I heard Ryker chuckle softly and he relaxed back into a more natural position, holding up the counter with his hip.

"She broke it. I don't think it's just the nose she's broke. Did you see that horse trying to get to her? I think if she wouldn't have gotten up he would have backed up and jumped the railing." He laughed good naturedly, "Damn horse!"

"Yep. She has that stallion wrapped around her finger and he hasn't even known her twenty four hours." Sounds familiar. I sighed. It was my turn to lean on the counter and hold the world up.

"Come on Tony, it's not that bad. None of the hands will go near her now without written consent from her, so you don't have to worry about that end of it." He laughed again thinking of Noah's broken nose.

"When I went up last night she was sitting on the bed with every pain pill from her bottle in her hand. She was staring at those pills like they were the answer to her prayers."

"And?" Ryker's humor was gone. His eye were narrowed, his arms folded across his chest tightly, he looked every bit the Bigfoot Brenna had called him last night.

"And.... I held out my hand and after a few minutes she took one and gave me the rest. I waited till she fell asleep then counted every single one. There was only two missing, the one she took before we boarded the plane and the one she kept. I was so damn relieved I wanted to jump up and down. I kept the bottle and intend to keep it in my pocket till they are no longer needed then trash them."

"Sounds like a plan. Tony? Is there something you aren't telling me here? I know it was tragic and everyone is different, but I feel like I'm at a loss for something. One time on the train the way you described doesn't sound violent enough for what I have seen her going through. What aren't you telling me?"

Well now isn't this the shit. I never did get to tell him exactly how she is different than the others, or about the hospital, Brenna interrupted us. We need to take this conversation away from the house.

"You got somewhere we can talk without getting interrupted?" I tossed my chin towards the stairs and he nodded his understanding as he waved me to follow him.

We strolled through the yard and a bit of pasture space to the back corner of his very large fenced in yard to an old out building that looked like it might fall down in the next strong thunderstorm. When he pulled the door open, I looked to the sky for impending doom. Ryker shoved me in the room laughing. He walked to a hay covered corner and kicked it around then bent down and grabbed a metal ring and pulled. The floor opened into a panic room.

"Not real useful during hurricane season, but it does its job. We won't be heard down here, it's sound proof." I looked at Ryker in shock. What the hell did he need a sound proof room for? "Get over it, brother. I've been in the military to many years to not have a backup plan!" He laughed as he slid down in a comfortable looking recliner. "Alright Tony, floors all yours. Spill whatever you aren't telling me."

I didn't have enough time getting here to figure up a well thought out lie. Guess I better go with the truth besides Ryker would be able to tell if I was lying, he knew me way to well for me to get away with it. "First what we didn't get to last night. She was the only one who has seen his face." I ran my hand threw my hair as he whistled low. "Yeah my reaction exactly. He stayed behind all the other victims and when he left he pulled the jacket up to conceal his identity. That is not how it went down with Brenna. He confronted her face to face first, then circled behind her to 'play', but not until after he threatened a pregnant woman and a grandma. If she fought he would kill them, not her. She got to live to face the horror of their deaths. The others were threatened outright death." I had to stop and pace, Ryker silently watched. I stopped, ran my hand through my hair then paced some more.

"I told you he took her ID, keys and the underwear, but something even Brenna doesn't know. Things are being left at her home by children who have been paid twenty bucks to deliver them and the only thing they can tell us is the man has on a big coat. Jack called me today saying there have been two letters and three bouquets of flowers on her door step in the last twenty four hours since she was released from the hospital. It'll only be a matter of time when he realizes she isn't coming home. Then he'll get to the where is she part. I told you he branded her also. After running the shape through computer reconstruction we think he meant it to be an infinity sign but somehow he got it wrong. It does look like the infinity sign but it has a cross through the middle of it quartering the whole symbol. There's more to it than 'he got it wrong', I can't explain it. I don't think he would get it wrong, he branded it to her ass, it means something exactly like he drew it, but what?" Pacing, hair rubbing, more pacing...I needed to do this fast, like ripping off a band aid. "She had an isolated upbringing and has only been in the world for five weeks. She was a virgin when he attacked...." I didn't get to finish that statement before Ryker exploded.

"She was WHAT?" Ryker's expression was horrified. "Whoa, whoa! Did you say virgin? As in no sex, that kind of virgin?"

"Is there another kind?" I gave him a glare and he recomposed himself quickly.

"How the hell did she make it to... what twenty-three? Being a virgin?" His mouth was still opening and closing like a fish out of water. I didn't even react this bad!

"Twenty-four." Might as well get this all out in the open. "I think that is why she is taking this so bad. Her mother kept her isolated and away from people. She lived on a small trek of land in Pennsylvania with her mom till five weeks ago. Never went to school because she was homeschooled. I think she feels her mother took away her freedom and this guy took away her life. Then there is the whole thing with being attacked a second time in the securest wing of the biggest securest hospital in Philly. He got in the maternity ward at three A.M. While I went to grab food he set off an alarm that made the nurses run and snuck into her room. We think he thought I had left for the night because he tried to chloroform her, but she got out of that for the most part, then he smacked her around a bit, the bruise on the face and neck, and if that wasn't humiliating enough he was trying to undress her when they heard me coming back to the room and I let him get away. Plus he tore her up pretty badly and she has stitches...." I just waved in the area of my junk and he nodded. I hadn't looked at him since I started this half of this little speech but now that I had stopped I desperately needed my brother to tell me the second attack wasn't my fault.

"Okay we start with the second attack. You can't blame yourself for needing food and at three A.M. any nurse should have been good enough in a secure wing of a secure hospital. Stop beating yourself up Tony. I bet she doesn't hold it against you, does she?" He gave me the brotherly stare that said 'are you listening?'

"She only asked where I was then when I apologized profusely she said 'it's fine he didn't get to finish this time'. I felt like such an ass." I rubbed my hand through my hair again and plopped my butt into the second recliner, might as well sit, pacing's not getting me anywhere except back to the spot I began.

"See she's a smart girl. Smacking her around pissed her off, the rape is what messed with that mind. You have to get her focus off of that. I have an idea but it could backfire."

"I won't hurt her, Ryker." And I was hoping he didn't ask me to. It would be the first time I ever told him no.

"Not her, you. It might backfire on you." He gave me a stern look. Like I cared about me when she was hurting so badly.

"Don't care about me. What idea?" I looked at him expectantly and he shook his head.

"Show her a real man, not what an asshole men are." I arched my eyebrow at him, is he serious? He shrugged and continued. "No sex. Show her some compassion, caring, listening, trust, a little intimacy to teach her that someone else's touch isn't meant to hurt, again no sex." My heart beat faster in my chest thinking about being able to spend time with her, getting to know her, learning more about her life, why she left her home. That has been what I have been praying for since the day I left the hospital with her. Just some time to explore one another. Would she be willing? "You already have feelings for her though. Don't get in to deep and not be able to climb out if she doesn't accept what you want to offer in the end." He gave a pointed stare to my male region and cocked an eyebrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah! NO SEX!

"If she was as isolated as you say, then the last five weeks must have been tough. She hasn't seen much kindness from the world, there aren't exactly many caring people running around these days. What I'm trying to say Tony is be a _friend_ , not a boyfriend or a 'jerk'. Help her see the difference between the two." Ryker had a point. She had even said she didn't have friends. Maybe having one would help her keep her head above the water. With a plan forming in my brain we set out back to the house.

### Chapter Nine

I tried to wake Brenna when we returned back to the house for dinner, but she quietly declined and asked me to leave her in peace. She hadn't eaten since before we boarded the plane over twenty-six hours ago. Against my better judgment I gave her what she asked for.

The men had gathered out behind the house for the standard evening meal and were lounging in lawn chairs, sitting at the four picnic tables, throwing horseshoes and bar-b-queing when I stepped off the back porch. Ryker caught my attention and glanced back at the door, I shook my head before finding a place to sit. The evening meal passed without much incident. Noah did stop and apologize to me, asking if Brenna was coming down so he could offer up the same to her. When I told him she had refused to leave her room his face fell.

"I really did think that horse would hurt her. I hope I didn't cause her to stay in her room." He looked towards the second story before wandering off to take a little more heat from the guys over his broken nose.

"I think he's in love." Ryker's laughter floated up behind me, I turned and flipped him off, smiling wide. "Why don't you make up a plate and take it to her room. Maybe if you leave it for her she'll eat it later." Concern laced his words and I was glad I wasn't the only one worried. So I did as he suggested.

I walked into her room quietly to sit the plate on the dresser not wanting to wake her. She was lying on her side staring off into space with a completely blank expression making it appear as if no one was home in that head of hers. When I turned to leave the room I caught the sight of a tear dripping off the side of her face.

_Be her friend_. Ryker's words echoed through my head. _Be her friend_.

I took a deep breath and approached the bed. "Brenna, I'm going to sit on the bed next to you." She nodded her head and I took it as a green light. Walking around to the other side of her bed I kicked off my boots and crawled onto the bed next to her. "Roll over Bren and look at me, please?" She hesitated for a brief moment then rolled towards me. "Now I want you to scoot in here beside me and let me hold you for a little while." She raised her head and searched my face for something. "I won't hurt you Bren. You're hurting and in a bad place right now, I only want to provide comfort. If you'll let me, that is. Take your time, I'm not going anywhere." She didn't move. "If you don't want me to touch you, that's fine with me. You control what happens. If you don't tell me to touch you I won't, you must give me permission first, I promise. You can scoot as close as you want, touching or not, and maybe just having me here will help." I smiled at her and leaned my head back against the wall to wait and see what she would do.

****

I wanted his arms wrapped tightly around me, I wanted to let him hold me like he was asking but I was so scared, I didn't. I scooted closer to him but not close enough to touch his body. We lay there for a few minutes both lost in thought. I wanted to let him in, wanted to confide in him how alone I felt right now, how scared. I wanted to tell him I didn't really want to die, but wanted to live like him.

How many times in that little cabin with mom did I sit there with novel in hand dreaming of a grand adventure all my own. This wasn't the adventure of my dreams.

"Maybe not. But every grand adventure starts with a reason." I hadn't realized I had said anything out loud till Anthony started speaking. "What that reason is, well everyone's is different. Why did you leave that little cabin Brenna? You could have stayed away from people forever, why did you leave?" His voice was gentle making it easy to answer.

"I had to, we didn't own it." I took a breath and continued. "Growing up wasn't easy out there. We had small comforts that we enjoyed, like power, running water nevertheless most things we did the old way. Mom cooked mainly on an open flame, we had an oven/stove, but she very rarely used it. As she got sicker I was the one to break it in, it had been new when mom moved in, however by the time I used it the thing was twenty years old and I think I was the first one to cook on it. Open flames aren't my favorite thing, but give me a stove and I can cook up just about anything." I felt the laugh bubble up from somewhere far inside me, it felt good to laugh. My confidence boosted just a little, I slowly scooted closer to Anthony. My leg brushed against his and I frigidly stopped willing myself to relax.

Just keep talking.

"The horses were always my favorite. We only ever had two at a time, one for each of us. When something happened and one was of no more use, my Granny would take it to her field and let it loose to become old and grey." I held my breath and inched a little closer, I was determined to at least lie touching him for a minute before I moved away. I hesitantly lifted my hand and lowered it so close to him my fingertips brushed his hip. My body tensed and images danced in front of my face.

Just keep talking.

"When I got older, well I was ten, Granny noticed how good I was with them, she started bringing me a new horse every month. She made me a deal, I wasn't allowed to keep the horse, but I had one month to work with it and see what I could do. To be able to have a new horse each month was a dream come true, the ones we had were older and most of the ones she brought were youngish, so it was a nice challenge every month to see if I could fix the one she brought next." My hand inched a bit closer, my palm was resting on the pocket of his jeans. My eyes grazed over his male region making me realize how close my hand was to his....parts. I sharply yanked my hand back.

He reached towards my hand, letting his hover above mine so close I could feel heat seeping into my skin, but not close enough that we were touching. He held it there for so long I was thinking of pulling away when I realized what he was waiting for.

My Permission. Just like he promised.

I lifted my hand into his giving him my silent permission to take it. His fingers wrapped lightly around mine and he gently pulled our hands closer to himself. The closer he got to his body the faster my mind raced. Right before he reached his hip I tensed. He instantly stopped and lowered our hands to the bed, he didn't let go. Not able to stop the flood of images and voices in my head I began speaking again.

Just keep talking.

"The first one she brought was pretty much a trail horse with an easy temperament and not much left to learn. When my month was up I hadn't felt like I had taught that horse much, but Granny said I did a great job. The second one was a little more interesting. It would ride in a fenced enclosure without any problems yet the minute we'd step out of that fence, he stopped. It took almost the full month but by the time Granny came to get him, he at least liked the open land, but I can't say he loved it. Progress was progress though." While I had been lost in my ramblings Anthony had moved my hand closer to himself. Our clasped hands were now hovering two inches above his hip directly over the pocket. I wasn't touching him anywhere but where our hands joined. Where he had permission to touch.

I wanted to touch him so badly, but with every picture in my head of me touching him came one of him touching me, followed by Jerk Faces hands digging into my waist while he rammed his erection into me. A small whimper escaped at the assault of memories and Anthony started moving our hands back towards the bed.

No! That's not what I want, not what I meant. I squeezed his fingers, stilling his decent to the space between us. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_I can do anything I want, Jerk Face is not here_.

"Nope, he's not. Only you and me in this room Bren." Oh God I said that out loud!!! I squeaked a very un-lady like squeak and buried my head into the juncture where his back and the bed met. His body bounced jerkily as he tried hard not to laugh, he started coughing instead to cover it up. Laughter burst from my mouth and I threw my other hand over it quickly. "Oh thank God! I can't keep it in anymore." His head dropped back against the head board with a loud thunk while his laughter flowed over me. Steeling myself for what I was about to do, I held my breath and pushed our hands forward and brought them to rest in the middle of his chest. The rumble of his laughter under my palm tickled. I began laughing with him again, but this time it was pride that brought it forth. I had done it. I was touching him and he hadn't turned into some kind of monster. He was still lying completely still, his other hand limply on the bed behind me hadn't moved since he'd lain down. This gave me confidence and strength to do what I wanted to do.

I stilled my laughter and slid in next to him on the bed, softly, hesitantly laying my head on his chest beside our hands, I snuggled in stiffly and held my breath to see what came next.

****

I was trying to keep my mouth shut and lay as still as possible to see what she would do. As she talked about her home she relaxed into the bed and you could see some of the tension leave her body. When she hesitantly started moving closer I tried and failed not to hold my breath. A few times I had to remind myself to exhale because her feather light touches were killing me. I kept repeating in my head 'friend, be her friend' but my body had other reactions to her hand landing softly on my hip, all though I don't think that was her reason for jerking it away from me. Following instinct alone I slowly moved my hand to hers and waited for her to accept the touch. The contact sent tingles running through me when she haltingly raised her eyes to meet mine. As she talked I carefully pulled her hand closer to me, not wanting to upset the calmness talking about the horses was giving her I kept her hand hovering above my body not wanting to break my promise of permission. Right now I only had permission to touch her hand. It would do.

For now.

The quiet when she stopped talking almost killed me, the whimper did me in and I moved her hand away, however she had other plans. With that same steely determination I had seen many times now she stopped me from retreating. The words that came out of her mouth weren't meant for me, but man were they good to hear. As she had said earlier 'progress was progress'. So I responded to her out spoken thoughts. I loved her reaction, granted it wasn't what I was expecting but was hilarious. That little squeak sent shivers through my body plus her head burying under my back made me want to wrap my arms around her and squeeze. I tried hard not to laugh, I even tried coughing, breathing deep, anything to keep from embarrassing her more, till she burst out with a laugh of her own giving me permission to join her.

I heard her pause, felt her take a steadying breath before she jerked our hands forward and placed them softly on my chest. It was all I could do to keep laughing. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs "YES!" Then she surprised me yet again and cuddled right into me and laid her head on my chest, my laughter died in my throat, I was in heaven. I wanted to wrap my arms around her so bad.

I felt the tension in her as she began talking in a stiffer voice than before. "The third horse was mean. She would bite anyone who got near her. Oh, but she was beautiful, seventeen hands and the same color as my hair. It didn't take a week before she was the friendliest thing on the property. And so it went, Granny brought me a new horse every month each one getting worse. Every time she picked them up she would brag and praise me for what I had done. When she died I found out that people would bring her horses from all over the place to get them 'fixed'. She charged a fee and put it away in an account for me. I don't know how much is in it, I never looked it up online, he said I had to do some things to access it, it's all in the book the lawyer who came to the house gave me. When I left that cottage behind in the woods after mom passed, I kept the bank book with me at all times in case I needed to take money from it, but so far I have done okay with my job at the florist shop." She was back to that easy rhythm she had fallen into earlier by the time she had finished speaking, the tension in her body down to a minimum.

I still wanted to wrap my arms around her, but I didn't want to push or break the little trust we had built tonight, so I laid there and listened trying not to move as not to frighten her, I could wait.

We both lay silent for a long time, her breathing evened out and a very soft snore came from her indicating she was asleep. My arm and both legs were also asleep but I hated to move and wake her. So I closed my eyes and drifted off with her.

****

I was so comfortable I didn't want to open my eyes. I could feel Anthony's chest still under my head, his breathing deep and rhythmic. His arm was lying behind my back where it had been, our hands still clasped together on his chest. How he kept from moving in his sleep I didn't know, but he kept his promise and didn't touch me in any way I didn't permit.

I glanced at the French doors to see it was still dark outside. My stomach grumbled loudly reminding me of why I had awoken. Careful not to wake him up I slid from the bed and left the room silently. I stole a glance at Ryker's room as I crept down the hall hoping he was asleep. The door was cracked open barely an inch, darkness permeated around the edges and no sound came from inside the room. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I wouldn't have to run into Bigfoot while I raided his kitchen.

Quiet as a mouse I crept down the stairs. I left the light off for fear of waking the guys and went to peer into the refrigerator. I grabbed the milk and a package of lunch meat, then turned to put them on the counter and ran into a very muscular chest that was not Anthony's. The light from the fridge behind me shown on Ryker like a spotlight. He had his arms loosely at his sides, one thumb placed strategically in the waist of his pajama pants, his chest bare with muscles rippling in the light. My view traveled up his six foot eight inch frame slowly to his handsome face, strong jaw, round full cheeks, amber eyes some lucky girl could melt into, full lips set in a kind smile, he was a gorgeous man.

Anthony was better.

The laughter at that thought came out in a nervous giggle as I backed up into the fridge almost sitting on the bottom shelve before Ryker's hand shot out and steadied me then went right back to his waistband.

"Sorry for the touch but that shelf is glass." He smiled and stepped closer to the counter and flipped a light switch, not giving me a chance to panic he continued talking. "Were you hungry? Didn't Tony bring you a plate from the bar-b-que?" He sauntered over to his table with two glasses he grabbed from the shelf above the light switch and gestured to the milk in my hand, "Mind if I have a glass also?" He held his hand out for the gallon I was holding.

I stared at him for a minute then made a choice. I was living in this man's home, he was helping Anthony protect me. He would not be doing that nor would Anthony have brought me here if he was a threat or danger to me. I was going to have to see this man daily for possibly weeks till Jerk Face was caught. Might as well get over this fear of him. "Ryker? Can I ask you to do something that will sound completely stupid?" He was a very intimidating man standing almost two feet taller than my simple five foot self. Seated we would be on even ground, almost.

He smiled bigger. "Anything you need, Darling." I flinched at the endearment, but it wasn't one Jerk Face used so it didn't bother me too much.

"Could you sit down please?" I whispered warily. I was not really looking at him, more over his shoulder so when the loud bark of laughter ripped from him I jumped backwards a good two feet before I caught myself and stepped back up to the table. Opening the milk I poured both glasses full and went to return it to its place. Like the scared rabbit I was I walked backwards to the fridge never turning my back to Ryker. I might have decided to try to trust him, I didn't, however have to turn my back on him. When I had the milk replaced I stood in the kitchen at a loss at where to find a plate for my sandwich.

"To your right, middle shelf on top." Came the answer to my unspoken question. I nodded and grabbed the plate and returned to the table with a now sitting Ryker. He was relaxed in an easy position, legs kicked out under the table, elbows rested on the tabletop, milk clutched in hands that intertwined at his fingertips around the glass, his expression set in a kind thoughtful smile. As I made my plate I contemplated what to say to this man but I was worried for nothing though because he started up a running dialog with me. "So did Tony bring your food up?"

I answered sheepishly, thinking of how we had laid together instead of me eating, I'm sure my face was bright red. "He brought up a plate, but we started talking and fell asleep, I never ate it." I kept my head tucked staring only at my food.

"At least he remembered to bring it up. It's always nice to have the option there for you. How are you holding up tonight?" His tone was light and his smile easy, but the crinkle at his eyes said he was worried for me, my resolve crumbled a little in his favor.

"Better this evening. The pain is getting better, easier to handle." I took another bite of my sandwich and watched him drink his milk through my lashes.

"Well, none of my hands have been here less than two years. Tate is the youngest with the shortest time of two and a half years. They are all pretty trustworthy and safe. You should have nothing to worry about from any of them. Besides with the example you made out of Noah today you can bet none of them want a repeat." His whole body shook with his laughter.

"How is his nose?" I wasn't sure he heard the timid question over his joyous laughter, however he quieted down and waved his hand at me waving off the concern in my voice.

"He is fine. Not the first time his nose has been broken, don't think a thing about it."

"How else has he broken it?" My hand was over my mouth, not sure if in shock, concern or an attempt to not join Ryker's laughter at Noah's expense.

"That damn horse for one. That's why he was trying to pull you away from it, I imagine. The first day we got that beast, Noah spouted off he bet he could ride him. Everyone called him an idiot but he didn't listen. Damn horse stood perfectly still for the saddle, walked like a champ to the ring, even let Noah mount him without one wrong move. The minute his butt hit the saddle the stallion turned his head to look Noah right in the eye then bucked him clear to the other side of the ring. When we got Noah up and out of the ring I looked back and the horse hadn't even moved from where he had stood and I swear to you he was smiling. Damndest thing I ever saw." My mouth open in shock I sat there staring at Ryker in disbelief.

"What's his name?" Ryker met my eyes and I quickly looked back to my empty plate. Where had my sandwich gone?

"You ate it." He chuckled.

"Huh? 'You ate it' is his name?" Laughter rolling from him now, he shook his head.

"No. You were looking at that plate like you might have thought someone stole your sandwich. I was telling you that you already ate it. All of it. Make another if you are still hungry." He pushed the meat and bread I had left on the table towards me and I obliged and started making another. "The stallion came to us as a burnt out bronco." At my questioning expression he explained. "When the rodeos can no longer use a horse for bronco riding they sale them to ranches for grazing animals and such. His name was Thunderhead."

"Was?"

"We have been calling him Damn Horse since he got here." He let out an exasperated sigh. "I was not joking when I told you he was not rideable. No one has been able to even get near him, except the one time with Noah, without getting kicked or bit or something. He's not like any other horse I've ever had here. He is calculating and intelligent. He'll wait for you to get close then make a move that will send you sprawling ass over tea kettle in a split second. I haven't called him by name once since he arrived, only Damn Horse." When he said damn horse he said it in a way that almost sounded like a curse. In a way I guess it was.

"He's beautiful. Do you mind me working with him while we stay?" His smile was tired but he shook his head.

"As long as you know what you're doing, and from what I've seen you do, I don't mind. Just watch yourself. He's not a sweetheart, darling." He saw the flinch. With narrowed eyes he asked "Are you going to let one man ruin the rest of your life? Or are you going to fight not to let him take another minute you have left? You could have friends here Brenna, but only if you take the chance to get to know _twelve men_. There is no other female on this property, only you. The hands will make you welcome if you engage them in conversation, they will be your friend and only a _friend_. If you don't they will leave you alone. If you end up here for months with only yourself to keep you company while surrounded by so many loyal, good friends, that will be your loss. Will you let that man take everything from you or will he be just a short bad moment in a sea of good ones?" He stood and left me with a million things running through my head.

One kept repeating itself while images of lying in bed with Anthony scrolled through my head with it, _"Will you let that man take everything from you or will he be just a short bad moment in a sea of good ones?"_

I laid curled into Anthony for several hours that night thinking about what Ryker had said. He was right in so many ways, but the fear inside me was boiling just under the surface only growing more desperate for me to let it out. I wanted to scream and hit something, preferably Jerk Face. This sniveling girl afraid of her shadow wasn't me. I hated what fifteen minutes on a train and less than ten in a hospital room had done to me. Less than half an hour and I was defeated.

I spent years training horses. Mean, horrible horses. I have been bit, kicked, thrown and stepped on, only to get back up and do it again. Why was this one bad moment, as Ryker put it, overshadowing everything else in my life? Why was I letting it?

As the dawn broke through those beautiful French doors I swore to myself that I would get through this. I would live my life without fear, with love and friendship, I would live like Anthony, free. With my resolve set I finally drifted off to sleep, Anthony's warmth under me providing me with a pillow of safety.

### Chapter Ten

The infuriating sound of Ryker clearing his throat brought me out of the best dream of my life. I had been basking in the afterglow of finally having Brenna in a way only a man in complete lust could dream of. I turned my head carefully as not to touch her head that was resting just below my chin and glared at him. He grinned like a Cheshire cat and yanked his head towards the door wanting me to follow. I extracted myself from Brenna with only a whimper of protest coming from her before she snuggled back down into the covers and the tranquility of sleep.

As I left the room I closed the door silently and turned to Ryker who still had that goofy ass grin on his face.

"I see you two are gaining some trust." His eyes flicked to my jeans and back, "Too bad you still had your clothes on, huh?" With that he turned and headed down the stairs, cracking up. I took a moment to take stock of my appearance. The clothes I wore yesterday were wrinkled and disheveled from sleep, also there was a very prominent part of me standing at attention. I ran my hand through my hair and over my face trying to relieve myself of the last remnants of that erotic dream.

After an ice cold shower, I dressed and found Ryker sitting in the kitchen waiting for me. As I made myself breakfast of cold cereal and much needed coffee, Ryker watched me warily from the table.

"Brenna came down last night. She ate a couple of sandwiches and we talked some." He said casually, however I don't think he was feeling that calm façade he was trying to put off.

"Talked, huh? She didn't run screaming from you this time?" In school Ryker had always been the chic magnet, the idea of any woman running from him was funny as hell. I sat my breakfast on the table and sat opposite of him.

"Nope. I scared her a bit at first but she did that shoulder thing of hers and forged ahead. I did find it interesting that she asked me to sit down before she would come near me though."

"Sit down? Were you intimidating her?" Anger shot through my veins like a drug at the thought of him spooking her intentionally.

"Not on purpose, but yeah I think that was the reason. After I sat, she seemed more comfortable and talked to me. Although she avoided eye contact at all cost." Not unusual, she has avoided eye contact with me since I took the pills from her. "Anyway, towards the end of the conversation I might have said some things that upset her..." I was in his face so fast he jerked backwards toppling out of his chair with a loud crash.

"You did what?!" I was furious. How could he hurt her more? The Ryker I knew wasn't callous, he wouldn't be that cold. Reasoning wasn't my friend as rage took over.

"Stop, Tony." He sounded amused. "I didn't hurt her. I just gave her something to think about. That's all. Put that temper back in your pocket man." He stretched an arm out to me and I helped him to his feet. Footsteps coming down the stairs at a fast clip startled us both.

Brenna came flying into the kitchen, eyes wide, fear seeping out of her. "What was that noise? Is he here? Has he found me?" She was turning in circles looking for any intruder or threat.

"Whoa! Nothing to worry about. I just stepped over a line Tony drew and he put me back in check. No big deal. A little rough housing between men, that's all." He winked at her, picked up his chair and sat back down casually.

"Oh. Okay then." Her face was a pretty shade of pink as she backed up to the stairs. Only when her foot struck the bottom stair did she turn fleeing back up to her room.

"Great." I ran my hands over my face taking in what the scene must have looked like to her. "Sorry." Tired beyond belief I dropped into the chair across from Ryker.

"No problem." His grin was so big I thought it might split his face in two. "You're really falling hard aren't you 'Anthony'"? Disgusted with the idea he could read me so well, I left to check on Brenna, his laughter chasing me up the stairs.

"Idiot! You are such an idiot!" My hand froze mid knock at Brenna's heated words from inside her room. "You can't stop looking like an idiot in front of them, can you? Arg!" With her frustrated sound I heard her foot stomp on the ground. "Okay. Remember what Ryker said. One moment, that's all this is, one moment in many." I heard her take a few deep breaths before the door was yanked open startling both of us. She took several steps back before stopping, mouth agape.

"Were you listening to me?" Anger or embarrassment, pinking her cheeks.

"Nope. I was coming to check on you. I just got here." Okay so it was a lie but she relaxed slightly, her color returning to normal. "You okay?" She nodded, staring pointedly at my feet. "Sorry we frightened you down there. What do you have planned for today?" I strolled over to the chair by the french doors and took a seat.

"I want to go see Thunderhead and maybe the rest of Ryker's horses." She sunk onto the bed her shoulders drooping.

"Thunderhead?"

"Ryker says that's the name of the stallion. Fits him well, don't you think? Same grey color as storm clouds, temperament to match a hurricane." She laughed quietly, the peacefulness returning from last night's talk of horses. "I was coming to apologize to you guys, before I headed out to see him. So..." She played with her knotted fingers in her lap staring a hole through them. "I'm sorry I overreacted." Her voice was sincere, but shook as she asked, "D-did you hit R-ryker?" The return of the stutter said she was nervous about asking me that. She was trying very hard not to look at me. Her eyes roamed the room darting from one thing to the next before landing back on her hands, her entire body screamed fear. Of me? Aww shit.

"No, I didn't hit Ryker." I let that sink in for a second before forging on. "I got in his face. When he jerked back only from surprise, the chair flipped and he fell out. No one's hands touched the other person. I promise." I slowly walked to the bed and knelt before her, I reached up to place my finger under her chin, she stiffened. I sat still, my finger lingering below her chin, waiting for her permission or for her to look up on her own. When neither happened I dropped my hand. "Look at me, Brenna, please?" It was a whispered plea. I missed her long looks, the mesmerizing emotions that swirled in those emerald green eyes. Slowly she lifted her face to mine, briefly making eye contact before her eyes darted away quickly. The shame in that quick gaze cut me to the bone.

"Hey. I think you are the strongest woman I know. You have nothing to be ashamed of with me." Momentarily her eyes met mine and flitted away, disbelief lurking there. "You had a lapse in judgment the other night, a small weak link in your armor, but only for a minute. You beat it when you put the pills into my hand and not your mouth. Now it's done, Brenna. If you fall to a weak link again I will be here to help you make the right decision, to keep fighting. Plus...." I took a deep breath. "I hope you know, the only person I would put my hands on is Jerk Face, and you gave permission for that." I tried a laugh to lighten the mood and saw her body bob with her silent giggle. Our eyes clashed, relief swimming in her unshed tears, this time she held my gaze. "Now that's enough of that kind of talk. It's done, it's over. We move on. Deal?" I gave her my best smile and waited.

"Deal. Thank you." She lifted her hand tentatively towards my cheek, not sure what she was going to do I held my breath only releasing it as she gently let it fall back down to pat my hand where it had dropped onto my knee. I stood and extended my hand to help her off the bed. She shyly took it, dropping it as soon as she was upright.

"Go see the demon horse. Ryker is in the barn if you need him, I'll be down shortly." She nodded and I turned and left the room wandering how much this woman could take before she was pushed over that proverbial line. So much had happened in such a short time and even with her little quirks and fears she was doing great. It was going to take patience on my part to help drag her away from that fear. Smiling to myself I had to admit, I could have all the patience in the world if it meant her soft touches were given freely and mine were accepted without fear. God I wanted to touch that woman like I have never wanted to touch anyone. I wanted to comfort her, hold her, run my fingers through that long luscious hair and heaven help me, I wanted to make love to her.

Ha, heaven? Who am I kidding! I'm going to hell!

****

After Anthony left my room I took a hot shower to release the tension built up inside me. Relief was the only emotion rolling around inside of me at the moment. After the stunt with the pills I just knew he thought I was as nuts as my mother had been, how could he not? Although after hearing his meaningful words, knowing he was writing it off and moving on, I was elated. The last thing I wanted was for Anthony to think I was crazy.

He was so sweet. I could tell he was nervous talking about it, hoping it wouldn't upset me more. How can this man care so much about people and be alone? He was a handsome, caring, wonderful man, why hasn't some lucky girl snatched him up yet? Lucky for me they hadn't. Would he have brought me here if he had someone? I don't think so, no woman would have let that man out of her sight, especially with another woman.

Images of his beautiful face flitted through my mind as I stepped out of the shower to get dressed. I found a hair dryer and dried my hair to damp. It would take hours to get it completely dry as long as it was. When it was dry enough to not chill me in the cool breeze outside, I drug a brush through the length and braided it down my back. One day I would have to get it cut, however I hadn't had a haircut since I was eight. I had gotten it caught in fencing, I cried for a week when mom had to cut me free. Granny had taken me into town for a girl's day out that Sunday to get it cut properly and a little shopping. It was the last time I went shopping. It was also the last time I went to town willingly. The stares and whispers that followed us through the town were humiliating, by the time we returned home I locked myself in my room and refused to leave for three days. Granny never suggested another girl's day out.

With a deep loneliness in my heart I went out to find Thunderhead. He was in the pasture where I had first seen him, standing proud. He stomped his foot and whinnied at me as I crawled over the fencing and went to him. "Hello there, Thunderhead." As I said the name he backed up and shook his head angrily at me, whinnying loudly.

Huh?

"What's the matter, Thunderhead?" He shook his head violently, getting louder as he stomped his foot at me. "Whoa there, Big Boy." He instantly calmed. Nodding his head at me he stepped forward and placed his big ole head on my shoulder.

What the heck?

I patted his head and said, "Thunderhead." He backed up stomping, shaking his head, snorting mad. "Big Boy." He came to me and cuddled in. "So you don't like that name, huh?" He snorted as if to say 'Duh!' All I could do was laugh. Ryker had said they didn't use his name. What did he do with the name they did use? I took a step back and said "Dang Horse." He stomped and neighed loudly, agitated. "Okay!" I giggled, "Big Boy it is." He came back to me, snuggling into my neck again.

Wow. What would Ryker do if I changed his horse's name? Well crap! I was going to have to ask him. It would probably be better to show him, I thought, as I blew out a frustrated breath. "Okay, Big Boy. I need to go find Ryker. This is not something I want to do." I said sternly. His ears laid back on his head like I had upset him. Softening my voice, I added, "But for you handsome, I'd do anything. Wait here." I patted his head, rubbed behind his ear and he neighed his soft approval.

I climbed back over the fence and slowly walked to the barn. Anthony said he would be in there, hopefully he was wrong and I could put this off.

Unfortunately, he was right. Ryker saw me coming and turned to face me. Why was this man so intimidating? Was it his height? The fact he could kill me twenty five ways in one minute flat. Who the heck knew?

I took a deep cleansing breath and stopped a couple feet in front of him, averting my eyes to anything but him. "R-ryker." I stuttered my greeting to him.

"Good morning, Darling." I flinched, he narrowed his eyes at me, but continued, "What can I do for you?"

Okay, Brenna, just spit it out!

"I n-need you to see something p-please. With Th-thunderhead. Can you c-come with me?" I waved my hand towards the open door where I had come from. Dang it! The stutter was back.

"Sure thing. Lead the way, Darling." I flinched and hesitated, I didn't want him behind me. How to do this? I looked over my shoulder to the door, then back to him, then again to the door. He let out an exasperated sigh. "I am going to start walking towards that door. I will not get close enough to touch you. When I get the distance you need me to be in front of you, follow." He didn't wait for a reply, it wasn't a request, he just started walking. I stepped back when he passed but quickly caught up to him and walked at his side. Granted I was three feet away from him, but I kept his pace.

"J-just wait by the fence, p-please?" I kept my head down till we got to the fence and quickly clambered over. I turned as soon as my feet hit the ground facing Ryker. I slowly backed up towards Big Boy, who hadn't moved since I left. Upon our arrival he walked over and put himself between Ryker and me giving me a reason to breathe a sigh of relief. I carefully angled us both so I was in front of Big Boy and Ryker was to our side where he could see what would happen next.

"C-can you hear me?" I didn't want to yell at the horse so I raised my voice slightly above normal hopeful it was enough for Ryker to hear, but wouldn't spook Big Boy.

"Loud and clear." I took a peek at him out of the corner of my eye and noticed for the first time, we had an audience. _Great_. About six hands and Anthony stood scattered behind Ryker. I caught Anthony's eye and he nodded with a grin.

_I can do this. I can do this_.

I repeated this in my head to build myself up. I hated being the center of attention.

"Okay watch his r-reaction closely R-ryker, and please s-stay there." He gave a curt nod and I continued with all my focus on the enormous beauty in front of me. "Thunderhead." The horse took a step back, shook his head at me and neighed loudly, almost like he was saying, 'Didn't we already discuss this?'

"Brenna..." I heard the warning in Ryker's voice, I just held my hand up to stop him from doing anything but stand there.

"Big Boy." I said it in the same tone and inflections as I did the other name so no one could say I said it softer and cajoled the horse's reaction. He stepped up and nuzzled my neck with his nose. Several audible gasps met my ears. I stepped back and repeated the scene twice more. I also repeated it again using 'Dang Horse', same reaction every time. The last time I said Big Boy he put his big ole nose to my face and I kissed him lightly. Laugher filled the air.

Um, did it sound like more men than had been there before? I covertly turned my face into Big Boy's head laying my cheek against his nose and saw all thirteen men staring at me, laughing. I felt my eyes widen in panic.

"Brenna! Look at me!" Ryker's voice drew my eyes to his chin. The laughter faded to nothingness. "Looks like you just renamed my horse!" His voice boomed, he smiled proudly keeping my attention on him. "I have never seen anything like it. How the hell was I supposed to know the da....um, horse hated his name?" He laughed jovially avoiding the use of _damn_ horse and some of my tension released. My gaze darted to the space behind Ryker, the men were gone, only Anthony remained behind him, also looking very proud. Panic averted, thanks to these two men.

"You aren't m-mad?" I looked back to Ryker and met his gaze fully for the first time since I had arrived.

"Mad? If changing his name calms that beauty down, then do it! Big Boy!" At the mention of his new name Big Boy dropped his head over my shoulder nudging me closer into a horsey hug. I threw my arms around him and laughed a full body, gut wrenching laugh. Both men's eyes twinkled with joy and maybe a little relief.

Ryker took a deep breath, his face straining to keep his easy smile in place. "I wanted to warn you that we have meals together every evening, if you aren't ready for that I will serve you a plate in the kitchen away from the men, for now." His eyes narrow on me, making it clear he wouldn't give me that choice long. "I wanted to give you the option and the heads up before you walked into a yard full of crazy ranch hands tonight." He had retained his smile but his eyes were creased around the edges clearly worried about my reaction.

"Thanks for the warning. I'll eat in the kitchen, Ryker." With my confidence somewhat restored the stutter had fled once more. He nodded and left me with Anthony and Big Boy. Anthony grinned at me like the cat that ate the canary. "It's only a name." I rolled my eyes at him but couldn't keep the smirk from my face.

See I'm not completely nuts! I might be scared of my own shadow right now, but I know my horses.

"Beings Ryker has had that horse two years and hasn't figured that out by now says it's more than a name, Brenna. It's _you_." With that he turned and left me with Ryker's horse.

**

Dinner time came and I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen. I could hear the men outside talking, laughing and cutting up with each other. It sounded like a party and it struck me that that's what it was, a party they had every night. Must be nice to be able to relax like that with friends, without any worries or cares to infiltrate your thoughts, even if just for a little while. I wanted so badly to join them.

I stepped to the back screen door and looked out at the men there. Some were playing horse shoes, others talking, others gathered around a huge bar-b-que pit. Ryker caught my eye and nodded towards the empty plate in his hand, then raised his eyebrow daring me to come get it.

I froze.

Glancing around at all the men in the yard, I wasn't ready for this. I heard Ryker holler for Anthony in the distance but it didn't register what for in my foggy brain. Jerk Face flashed through my head, I felt his hands on my hips and I took a step back, shaking my head to clear the images. It was crowded then to, and nobody noticed us.

"It's not real, it's not real...." I repeated out loud as I stumbled into the chair behind me.

"Nope, it's not real. You're surrounded by good ole boys, Brenna, no one will hurt you." Anthony's voice cleared out the remnants of Jerk Faces image replacing them with his cool blue eyes right in front of me. He was kneeling, his hands resting on his knees in plain sight, nowhere near touching me. I let out a tense breath and got lost in the depths of those mesmerizing eyes. "Are you ready for a plate? I can bring it to you?" His smile was tired and forced. I don't blame him. Even I was tired of me.

I can't hide forever. I will have to face people again someday, right? Why not now when I have their word they won't approach me.

I am safe here. I am safe here.

If I repeat it enough, I might believe it.

"Can I ask you something?" I held his gaze hoping the fear in what I was planning to do didn't show in my face. He nodded. "I want to walk out there and get my own plate, but I would like to return here to eat it. I'm not ready to join the party completely, but I would like to try and make an appearance. Will you stay with me?" I smiled weakly. Something similar to respect skated quickly across his expression. He held his hand out to me and I took it gratefully. He tucked it into the crook of his arm and escorted me out side like a true gentlemen.

Several heads turned, but no one approached us. Anthony walked me slowly to Ryker at the pit, I had a death grip on his arm but he didn't complain, he just took his other hand and patted mine gently as if to say 'you're doing great'.

"Well hello there, Darling." Ryker paused for the ever present flinch. "What would you like to eat? We have steak, ribs, potato salad, corn on the cob and mashed potatoes and gravy." His eyes were roaming the grounds, a warning residing at the surface. It was only then I felt the silence surrounding me, I looked nervously around and notice all eyes on me. As I glanced from male face to male face action returned to the yard and everyone was busy eating, playing or talking once more. "Don't mind them, Brenna. Not one of them knows how to act around a pretty thing like you." He winked at me, calming my nerves slightly.

"Steak, corn and potatoes, please R-ryker." My head was ducked, my voice was soft, the stutter made an appearance, but I was doing this even if it killed me. I stood there while he dished up my plate, holding on to Anthony for dear life. Ryker held the now full plate out to me and I reluctantly released one of my hands from Anthony's arm to retrieve it. "Th-thank you." Came my softly spoken gratitude.

"Anytime, Darling." We turned to leave when I realized I didn't flinch at the endearment, my head whipped around to meat Ryker's shinning eyes, a smile spread over his face. "Well done." Then he turned to answer a man behind him.

Progress, I was making progress! I wanted to jump for joy right there in that yard full of men. I didn't, but I sure wanted to. I straightened my spine and lifted my chin proudly, I could do this. There was a small spring in my step, that hadn't been there when we left the house, as we made our way back to the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Noah, the man whose nose I broke. He was watching us with a serious expression. He acted like he wanted to approach us but kept flicking his eyes to Ryker, I'm sure remembering the warning of losing his job.

I pulled Anthony to a stop and waited for Noah's eyes to meet mine briefly, I nodded to him and smiled shyly. He stepped forward but he didn't get to close, only close enough I could hear him speak. "I just wanted to apologize for scaring you Ma'am. I really meant you no harm." He nodded and made to back away.

"Noah!" I called before he could leave. "I also owe you an apology. How is your nose?" I couldn't hold the eye contact, but I was speaking to him. Progress!

"Oh, it's fine Ma'am. Not the first time I broke it, although it is the first time it's been broken by a beautiful woman." He grinned at me and I couldn't help myself, I laughed.

"Hope the boys don't give you too much flack about that. In your defense you didn't know I would go.... What was it you said? Oh yes ape...um...crap. Just tell them I'm really an ape in disguise! That should get you off the hook!" I winked at him and made my way towards the kitchen dragging a gaping Anthony and leaving a laughing Noah behind.

### Chapter Eleven

Unbelievable! This woman was simply unbelievable.

She was frozen with fear when I entered that kitchen. I figured she would bolt to her room any second. What does she do? Walks into her fear, bravely. The look on her face when she realized she didn't flinch at Ryker's endearment was uplifting. Pure pride and disbelief rolled off her. Her mouth hung open for a moment before she beamed the most radiant smile I have ever seen.

Her abrupt stop and signal to Noah set my nerves firing. What in the hell was she doing? She surprised me again by actually talking and joking with the man. She practically drug me and my jaw back into the kitchen giggling. I wanted to wrap her in my arms so bad.

Steady boy!

She plopped her cute butt into a chair and sighed. "I did it!" She beamed and blushed scarlet. Sheepishly she looked to me. "Thank you. You can go join the party if you like." Like I would want to be anywhere but here?

"I'm just going to get a plate, I'll be back to join you."

Her mouth popped open in a cute little "Oh". She blushed an even deeper shade of red. "You don't have to do that Anthony." She buried her gaze in her plate and pushed her food around nervously.

"I know, but I want to, if it's alright with you?" She barely nodded. "Be right back." I quickly left not wanting her to change her mind. When I reached the pit, Ryker stood grinning from ear to ear.

"She's something else, isn't she?" He handed me an empty paper plate, which I filled quickly wanting only to return to Brenna.

"Yes she is. Did you hear what she said to Noah?" I chuckled remembering his surprise and her attempt at humor. I also noted she didn't use the word shit but crap. Also, in naming Big Boy she had said dang instead of damn. Interesting.

"Oh yes. We all did. You didn't notice the deafening silence as he approached her? I was on my way over there to fire his ass when I heard the exchange and decided to let her handle it." He shook his head in disbelief.

"She prompted it, stopped me in my tracks and nodded at him to approach. He didn't do anything wrong, Ryker." I didn't want Noah losing his job over something he didn't do. Neither would Brenna.

"I know that." He snapped. "But if he would have said one wrong thing he would have been gone. That little beauty has a way of making a man feel protective of her." He was looking towards the house like a brother watching over his one and only sister.

"I agree with you there, Boss." Noah had come up behind us and decided to add his two scents worth. "She took me by surprise when she gave me permission to approach, I only wanted to quickly apologize. Damn I haven't laughed like that in years. Makes you want to wipe that haunted look off her face and see that brilliant smile more often. Beautiful." I scowled at him. He grinned. With an exaggerated sigh I left them alone, Ryker laughing hysterically behind me.

Upon entering the kitchen Brenna was deep in thought, the small smile pulling at her lush lips was hauntingly beautiful. She either didn't hear me come in or choose not to acknowledge me, it gave me a moment to study her. She had that impossibly long hair braided down her back, the tail end of it kissing the floor in her seated position. Green emeralds staring off in the distance, a slight flush to her cheeks. She was wearing snug jeans and a loose t-shirt that should not have been sexy in any way. She was drop dead gorgeous.

I must have made a sound because she jerked back and snapped her head towards me fear replacing that serene look she had moments ago. "Didn't mean to frighten you." I placed my plate on the table, sitting awkwardly, trying to relieve the tightness now residing in my jeans. "Penny for your thoughts?"

She grew a bright crimson. "I was just thinking of my Granny and mom." Yeah, right. It would have to be something extremely embarrassing about them, she was practically glowing from embarrassment! "They both would have loved this place. Mom wasn't too keen on horses, they were a means to an end, they got us around the property, and it helped when checking on the gardens. Of the acre of land we had, half of it was gardens, we grew all our own vegetables, herbs, fruits. It was easier then walking from one end to the other to see what was ripe, although sometimes it was a lot of mounting and un-mounting." She laughed one of the few real laughs I've seen from her. As she talked about her home we enjoyed our meal. "The garden was mom's baby. She was out there every day from sun up to sun down weeding, planting, harvesting, all by hand. She never was afraid of getting her hands dirty. One of the things she taught me that has stayed with me even today. She used to say, 'Dirty hands and a few coins to show for it was better than clean hands full of dirty money'." She looked so sad as she talked about her mother, emotions of love, tenderness, pain and loneliness played over her face with every memory she shared.

"Can I ask how you lost your mom?" Her expression took on a haunted dark look and she sat her fork down, placing her hands in her lap.

"Cancer." She replied quietly. "She was sick for a long time but she refused to go to see a doctor, so we didn't know exactly what was wrong, just that she wasn't well. One night she was pretty bad off, rambling incoherent things. She talked about a man in an alley sneaking up on her, how dark the night seemed when he held her close and something mumbled about a red 'x'." She stopped at my sharp intake of breath.

Oh God, no. It can't be.

She quickly continued, giving me a quizzical look. "I never understood what she meant with any of it or if she was hallucinating. Anyway I took her to the hospital. Oh man, she was so mad at me when she came back to her senses, she didn't believe in doctors and hospitals. She was a strong believer in herbs and natural remedies for everything but broken bones. She had a friend that would come to the house anytime she thought I had broken something. Nevertheless they found a tumor in her brain that night. It was too large to operate on by then though. 'Nothing we can do but make her comfortable.' That's what they told me. It wasn't two weeks later in her bed at home that she left me." A silent tear dropped from her chin to the table below.

I wanted to comfort her so bad, wrap my arms around her and let her know I was here for her. Ryker's idea struck me, give her a choice. "Brenna, I want to give you a hug." Her eyes widened to owl size and she leaned away from me. I slowly rose from my chair and knelt beside her. "I'm not going to hurt you. I won't even wrap my arms tightly around you, but you need a comforting hug, just between friends, nothing more, I promise. Ultimately it is your choice. I am here waiting to give you comfort or you can tell me no and no harm done." I held my arms open not moving towards her, giving her the chance to choose. Maybe given an option she would take the comfort. I wouldn't force her, but possibly like when she was crying in bed last night she needed someone to lean on. Perhaps if I show her she has someone willing, she will take the comfort.

Hesitantly she nodded her head and her terrified eyes met mine, I grabbed her chair and carefully turned her to face me. I leaned in to her deliberately slow and very lightly wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She sat stiffly in my arms for a few moments before calmly laying her head on my shoulder and accepting the hug. She didn't wrap her arms around me, nor did any part of her move once her head lay against me, but the tension seeped out of her as the minutes ticked by.

_Finally_ I had her in my arms.

"Thank you." Her softly spoken words were my cue to let her go. I moved back to my seat and unceremoniously finished my cold meal. It was worth it.

After she had finished her dinner she placed her plate in the trash –Ryker only used paper plates and plastic silverware— she sat back down beside me while I finished. "Why do the guys have a bar-b-que every night?" She sounded genuinely confused. "Do they just enjoy doing it?" Her face was turned towards the backdoor, laughter, voices and the clink of horseshoes could be heard from the men outside.

"Let me enlighten you about the men on this ranch." I eyed her sternly for a second then let a grin split my face, "They can't cook anything else." She looked absolutely horrified.

"Nothing? Don't they get tired of such a small variety of things? Don't they want to eat real food?" Her eyes were the size of saucers her lush lips were set in a frown, she couldn't fathom them not cooking something 'real'.

"What trimmings were served tonight is served every night. The meats change, but the sides, they stay the same. Oh, except french fries, they weren't on the menu tonight. Depends on who's in charge of cooking that night whether you get all the choices you had tonight or just one. When Kendrick cooks its hamburgers and grilled corn. That's all he cooks, every time." She still looked horrified, I was desperately trying not to laugh at her but I was quickly losing the battle. "It's not that bad. Lots of meat can be cooked on a grill. You'll see." She just shook her head.

"I guess you're right. Mom cooked some pretty strange meals on an open flame, why can't they on a pit?" As she stood I took in her jerky movements, which reminded me of her pain.

"How are you doing on pain? Need something for it?"

"No!" She said it too forcefully and blushed. "I-I'm good. Just some soreness in my m-muscles now. The um....stitches are a bit itchy, but most of the pain is gone." She looked down at her hands then setting those shoulders she lifted her gaze to meet mine. "If you could just put the pills away somewhere for now I would appreciate it." The shame in her face was obvious, but she wasn't letting herself whither from it. She was facing it, head held high.

"The doctor said the stitches would dissolve on their own, right? Or do I need to find a doctor to take you to?" Her face flamed a brilliant red.

"They will dissolve." She whispered and then cleared her throat. "I'm going to bed now. Night, Anthony." She turned to walk away, I realized although she wouldn't turn her back on Ryker, she did to me. That was good, right?

"Brenna?" When she paused on the first stair without turning to look at me I continued softly. "I'll be next door tonight if you need me. My door will be open, if anything scares you or you just don't want to be alone, feel free to come to me. No questions asked, no expectation of touching. Only the comfort of a friend." With the slightest nod of her head she persisted up the stairs quietly.

And not for the first time I thought, ' _What a woman!_ '

****

It was two in the morning and I had been lying here for more than two hours sobbing from the nightmares that woke me. Every time I shut my eyes his would flash across the darkness, everything from the train replaying in my head. His deceptively sweet voice repeating "You are the one."

I was mad at myself. I wanted it to stop, but the only time it stopped was when I was with Anthony. When I had slept curled into him, I didn't dream of Jerk Face, I had beautiful dreams of Anthony holding me and keeping me safe.

He said I could go to him.

He said only for comfort.

He said he wouldn't touch me if I didn't want him to.

Screw it! I took a deep breath and tiptoed silently to my door. Opening it I peeked out to make sure the hall was clear. Ryker's door was shut all but a crack and Anthony's was wide open as he said it would be. I slipped out of my room and padded down the hall, I paused at his door when the floor creaked under me. I leaned forward around the frame and tried to see inside not wanting to bother him, but needing him all the same. The bathroom light was on softly illuminating his sleeping form. With more courage than I felt I walked into his room stopping beside his bed.

Did I wake him? Did I just get in with him?

The only thing I had to sleep in was my panties and a long t-shirt he had given me after my flannels were ruined the first night with my blood. I felt exposed.

I needed to leave!

Before I could turn he propped himself up on his elbow and sleepily took me in standing beside his bed. Silently he scooted back and patted the bed beside him. Like a scared child searching for comfort in the night I crawled in beside him.

With him still on his side I curled into him, burying my head against his chest. He awkwardly laid his arm down the length of his body, repositioned it, and then repositioned it once more trying not to touch me. I tentatively wrapped my fingers around his wrist, I was careful to pull his arm across my middle and not my waist, letting his hand fall behind me.

He didn't move it from where I dropped it, he lay perfectly still, tense even. Closing my eyes tight I whispered "Please hold me Anthony. I give you permission." Only when the words had left my mouth did he wrap his arm snuggly around me pulling me deeper into him. Cocooned in Anthony's embrace I was unafraid and felt completely safe for the first time in days as I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

****

I am in heaven.

With Brenna tucked in beside me, my arm wrapped snuggly around her middle I could think of no other place I'd rather be.

When she stopped in the doorway, I didn't think she would come in. When she stopped beside my bed, I held my breath. When she started to turn, I knew I couldn't let her leave.

I had been laying here for over an hour listening to her sob in her room. I wanted to go to her so bad it hurt. I even got up a few times, once I made it to the door only to find Ryker leaning in his doorway waiting for me.

"Let her come to you, Tony." I just scowled at him. "If you keep running to her she will never come around to face the fact she doesn't have to do this alone. She will expect you to just be there. What happens when you're not?" He made sense but damn it killed me to go back to my bed and listen to her sobbing.

Now here she was. I heard a creak from the hall, the same creak that alerted me to her presence a short time ago. I looked up to see Ryker in my open door way. Seeing her in my bed he gave a curt nod and returned to his room quietly. Sometimes that man scares me. I chuckle inwardly, when did he get so smart?

With Brenna's even breaths lulling me, I fell into a deep sleep.

### Chapter Twelve

The morning sun streaming through the french doors woke me from the best sleep I'd had since that ill-fated train ride. Wait... Why are the curtains open? I shut the curtains and locked the doors last night. That's when the heaviness on my chest registered, I looked down to find Anthony's arm draped across my chest, his muscular leg thrown over mine, his head lay barely above my breast. If he stuck his tongue out of his slightly parted mouth it would caress the tip of my nipple. The mere thought of that happening simmered through my body igniting nerve endings I didn't know I had.

Oh My!

Oh No!

I could feel my breath leaving me in short burst, my eyes were wide, but it wasn't with fear.

Is this what desire feels like?

Oh good grief, I need to leave!

With my anxiety about these strange feelings rising, I cautiously left Anthony's bed. He mumbled something unintelligible, grabbed the pillow I had been using and wrapped his arms around it, never truly waking up. With a sigh of relief I crept back to my own room, gracious I didn't run into Ryker in the hall.

I closed the door then leaned back against it, slowly sliding to the floor with my head in my hands. What the heck was that? Why would I even think that? Anthony was trying to be a friend. He hadn't made one wrong move the entire time we have been together. He was the perfect gentleman, doing his job, being a friend!

I let my head fall back and thunk against the door in exasperation. By all that is holly he was a gorgeous man. Every time his calloused hands touched me shivers flew throughout my body. Wicked thoughts enter my head forbidden as I sit there contemplating this man. How would it feel to have those hands on other parts of me? Caressing more than just my hand, holding me tightly to him while he kissed my neck, my lips. Of all the novels I have ever read I could put Anthony in every leading male role there was. He was that kind of man.

My eyes flew open as I realized what I was doing!

For reason I'd rather not acknowledge, my conscious took on my mother's voice and screamed at me: _'Brenna Michelle Ward! What the heck are you doing? Get your butt off this floor and stop fantasizing about that man! He is way too good for you!'_

Shaking my head to eliminate her thoughts and mine, well maybe they were all mine, I rose up and got dressed for the day.

As I made my way down the stairs to the kitchen I heard shouting outside. With a fast beating heart I ran to the window to take in a very gruesome scene unfolding in front of the house. One of Ryker's men was huddled on the ground in a ball not moving, a huge mare danced around way to close to him, rearing up on her legs and stomping her feet. Another man ran towards them, shouting, waving his hands at the wound up horse trying to get her to back away from the man on the ground. All he was doing was spooking her more, he'd get that man killed.

Without a second thought I sprinted outside.

"Back up, Rosey! Whoa girl! Back up!" The man shouted at the horse only causing her to stomp and dance more. She is spooked something awful.

Taking matters into my own hands I placed two fingers in my mouth and let loose a loud whistle, man and horse froze. I lifted my hand palm out to the horse. "Easy girl. It's alright." I softly crooned. She stands still eyeing me suspiciously. The unconscious man is between her front feet.

"Ma'am please stay back, Ryker will fire me if you get hurt." He is ahead of me, between me and Rosey. I raise my other hand to him to quiet him and his eyes bulge as I slowly approach.

"Whoa girl." I say to the horse. I keep eye contact with her and ask coaxingly "What spooked you girl?" I get a flash of a stall, a rattlesnake curled into the corner ready to strike. Great that means if they haven't found it I will have to tell them about it. How the heck do I do that?

Pointing my finger at the man a few feet ahead of me, I ask, "What's your name?"

"Trystin, Ma'am. Please don't get hurt." His nervous energy is rolling off him in waves only upsetting the horse, and frankly me to, even more.

"Trystin, what's his name?" I ask as I point to the man lying unconscious under the horse distracting him as I slowly creep towards them all.

"That's my twin brother Kendrick." He is bouncing from foot to foot, his face is ashen. I need to calm him and the horse down if I am going to get Kendrick out of there.

"Trystin I need you to do something for me. I need you to try and calm yourself. The horse is reacting to your nerves as much as she is reacting to whatever spooked her. Can you do that for me?" I haven't taken my eyes from the horse, but I can hear Trystin taking deep mouthfuls of air in front of me.

"If you can get that horse away from my brother I will kiss your ass..um...feet for the next year, Ma'am." That brought a smile to my face.

"No need for that. Just step back behind me please. Very slowly, don't startle her." I have retained eye contact with the horse, my palm still out facing her. She is curious, inspecting me, waiting to see what I will do next. As long as I stay calm so will she.

That's what I had planned anyway.

I hadn't been watching Trystin, he hadn't been watching me, as I stepped forward, he stepped back and our shoulders hit. It was only lightly but it didn't matter. He touched me. My brain stopped functioning.

"Oh fuck! I touched you! I'm not supposed to touch you! I'm sorry!" Trystin's voice was distant. I felt my eyes widening, I saw the horse respond in kind as she started to dance nervously. "Go get Anthony!" Trystin's voice rang in my head.

Anthony?

Anthony....

I was safe with Anthony.

' _You are surrounded by good ole boys, Brenna, no one will hurt you_.' His words softly shred my panic apart.

"Stop!" My voice boomed over the now frantic men that had surrounded us, halting them all in their tracks. "Trystin? You still with me?" Even the horse had stilled again.

"Y-yes Ma'am." His stuttered words come softly from behind me.

"I need calm!" I realize I yelled that way too loudly and try to soften my voice before addressing him again. "I can't do this panicked. Tell me about the ranch. How long have you worked here? How about your brother? Tell me about you two." I was trying to comfort my rapidly beating heart, the man behind me and the horse in front of me, I needed a distraction. I could do this. His touch was an accident, nothing more. He's just a good ole boy, nothing more.

' _You are surrounded by good ole boys, Brenna, no one will hurt you.'_ His words flutter through my head once more.

As Trystin began to babble behind me I straightened my shoulders, lifted my chin, took a deep breath and stepped towards the horse and Kendrick. "We've both been here three years. It's a great place to work, we have some great times....." Now I'm only a few feet in front of the somewhat wary horse, palm still outstretched to her. I lifted my left hand steadily, I couldn't show fear, not now. With my palm facing my right hand I held it steady. Slowly I turned the palm to me. I pulled the left hand towards me and pushed the right towards the horse. She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully, then carefully took one step backwards.

Good. This is good. One step at a time till she is far enough away from Kendrick to move her faster. I repeat the action. Another step back.

There were footsteps running somewhere in the distance, someone was shouting, but I couldn't hear what was said I kept my focus on Rosey. She flicked her ears and tossed her head at the commotion. "Stop!" It was said with authority I didn't feel but it did what I intended. Rosey's gaze settled back on me and the noise behind me died abruptly.

I repeated the single step action three more times before I let my left hand drop to my side and stepped forward another foot closer. I was close enough to reach out my foot and touch Kendrick, but not close enough to safely get him away or protect him from the still to close horse. Letting my hand fall at the wrist, fingers now pointed to the ground, I swiftly flicked my hand up in a shooing motion, successfully making Rosey back up three more steps. I tentatively stepped forward, standing straddled over Kendrick, effectively protecting him. I repeated the motion, same response. Once more and she was far enough away to keep Kendrick safe. Resetting my hand in a palms out fashion I spoke soothingly to Kendrick, but directed it at Rosey. "Kendrick? Can you hear me?"

A whispered "yes" met my ears. "Okay handsome, don't move. If you try to get up we are both going to be in a pile on the ground. We will get you out of here in just a minute." He just grunted in response. "Trystin? You still with me?" Still talking in soothing tones, I kept eye contact with Rosey.

"Yes ma'am." His shaky voice replied.

"He's somewhat conscious. I need a rope, halter, anything?" I heard him scuffle up behind me.

"I'm going to lay it over your shoulder." I felt the rope gently placed over my shoulder, I flinched. Rosey let a loud neigh and stomped.

Crap!

"Now, now, girl. It's okay. We are going to do this together." She nodded her head at me making me smile. Almost there. "Trystin when I step away stand like I am till I restrain her please. Move slowly and try to be there before I stop moving forward. Don't kneel or sit, be sure to stand up like I am." I didn't wait for an answer, I had the rope in my left hand as I walked confidently towards Rosey. I moved my hand palm facing to the ground and lowered it. Rosey obeyed the command beautifully and sank to the ground in a now laying position. "You there, Trystin?"

"Yes ma'am."

I wrapped my arms around her neck and clipped the lead ropes latch to the rope itself, and patted her head comfortingly. "Good girl. Up you go beautiful." Rosey rose to her feet and I walked her several yards away to where Noah was standing, "Can you take her now, Noah? She has had an upsetting morning." I smiled shyly at him. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were wide as saucers. It was very amusing. "Don't put her back in her stall yet, give her time to calm down first, huh?" He nodded, hopefully the snake would be gone before he returned her.

When Rosey was safely being led away by Noah, I turned to face the audience I knew awaited me. Trystin was still standing over Kendrick, Anthony and Ryker not far away from him, along with every other hand on the ranch were all looking at me dumbfounded.

Well crap.

"Trystin? How is he?" I asked concerned. This seemed to wake them up. Trystin dropped to Kendrick's side, Anthony and Ryker joined him, sirens wrenched the air as an ambulance pulled down the drive beside us. I quietly slipped away to Big Boy. Mounting him I rode off towards the stream I had found the first night here.

****

As we loaded Kendrick into the ambulance, Trystin told us what happened. Supposedly they heard Rosey in her stall going crazy, when they open the door to check on her she bolted, Trystin said he distinctly heard a rattle as Kendrick went after the horse so he stayed behind to kill the snake that had spooked her. When he was sure it was dead he followed his brother. As he approached Rosey reared up on her back legs and caught Kendrick across the side of the head with her hoof, he went down under her feet. Trystin took off at a run, screaming at the horse before it could trample Kendrick. That's when Brenna whistled.

From there it became confusing, Trystin had to leave in the ambulance and everyone else had a different story on what exactly she did, the only thing they agreed on is Trystin was scared shitless, reacted poorly at seeing his brother almost trampled and Brenna had saved both their lives.

Before Trystin would get in the ambulance he made me promise to apologize to Brenna for touching her and thank her for his brother's life. He only briefly described how he had ran into her by accident but the thing that had me curious is why did she snap out of it? Trystin didn't know. All he could tell me was she began to panic then she stopped, just like that.

So here I was searching for Brenna to apologize and thank her, and she was nowhere to be found. No one saw her leave in the commotion following her handing over Rosey to Noah. Ryker and I have searched the house, the barn, and several of the out buildings and the men's housing. Nothing.

"Hey Tony!" Ryker's voice pulled me out of my thoughts and back to the now. "Big Boy isn't in the pasture. You think she would have ridden off on him?" I've never seen Ryker so frazzled. He's worried, frankly so am I.

"Well if he's not there he's with her, no one else gets near that horse. Whether she rode him or he followed her, they're together." I run my hand through my hair for the hundredth time in the last hour just as Ryker rubbed the back of his neck. "Let's mount up. Maybe she just wanted to clear her head. Last time she was spooked she rode off on that horse to the stream. Let's check there, huh?" It was the only other place I knew of that she would know to go. She hadn't been exploring much, and we've checked everywhere else.

Fifteen minutes later we rounded the trees and saw the most beautiful site in the world. Brenna was sitting on the bank of the small stream with her pants rolled up to her knees, feet dangling in the cool water. She was leaning back on her hands, her face tilted up toward the morning sun. Small late blooming wildflowers were surrounding her and she had tied some together to make a crown that lay lightly on top of her gorgeous auburn hair, that was for once completely loose and piled around her. Big Boy was helping himself to a drink not far away from her.

It was Big Boy that spotted us first. He neighed a warning and Brenna slowly turned her face towards us. The sun behind her made her unbraided, loosely flowing hair shimmer and glow. It also highlighted her curves through her snug tank top. Her cheeks were pinkened by the suns kiss, her lush lips curved into a seductive smile.

Ryker and I both let out an audible gasps. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

"Wow!... I knew she was beautiful...but...wow......" Ryker was dumbfounded.....again. Brenna seemed to do that to him. I may have seen him this way in the twenty-seven years I've known him less than a handful of times. Since Brenna and I have been here, less than a week, that number has tripled.

"Agreed." Okay so I was right there with him. She confounded, confused and continued to amaze me.

Slowly, as not to spook her or Big Boy, we moved our horses forward.

"How's Kendrick?" She asked as she turned her face back to the sun.

"Better than he would have been had you not stepped in. They took him to the hospital to check him over, but the EMT said it looked like some bruised or broken ribs, maybe a concussion, and probably a few stitches in the gash on his head. Trystin was teasing him that when they shaved his head to stitch it up he would no longer be able to trick people that he was his brother till it grew back in, because he sure as hell wasn't going to shave his to match." Ryker's laughed boomed through the forest echoing back on us making it sound even louder. "I was just going to head out to the hospital to check on him, we just had to find you first. You had us worried, Darlin'" She didn't flinch at his word.

"I hate being the center of attention, I just needed some time to myself. I'm sorry if I frightened you. I'm okay." She smiled shyly up at Ryker. I think he still intimidated her, but not nearly as much.

"Alrighty then. I'll be back soon with news. Have fun kiddo's." He turned his horse and galloped away. Leaving me alone with Brenna.

I dismounted and let Molly roam with Big Boy while I took a seat next to her. "I'm supposed to tell you 'thanks and sorry' from Trystin." She turned to me with a confused look.

"The thanks I get. The sorry?" Her expression showed she thought she knew what for, but didn't think she was owed it.

"Touching you." I softly said. She blanched and closed her eyes turning back to the heat of the sun.

"I know he didn't mean it. I should have realized when I told him to back up that I'd be in his line of fire. It was my fault, not his." She sounded tired.

"Hey. It was only an accident. No harm, no foul." I gave her a big smile and she nodded serenely. "What I want to know is what pulled you out of the panic?" She shook her head her face darkening and not from the sun. "Oh come on Bren, curious minds and all that jazz?" I chuckled softly at the resistant smile that tugged at her lips.

"If I tell you the truth you have to promise to drop it and move on. I don't want you reading too much into it." The look on her face was partially humor, it was faked, and the insecurity and wariness under it was what she was truly feeling.

"Scouts honor." I held my hand up in the scouts sign and placed it over my heart. "Soooo.....?"

She took a deep breath, turned her face away from me and whispered barely audibly, "Someone said your name." I was stunned. Brenna pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them then laid her head on her knees facing me. "I felt the panic taking over, I saw the horse reacting to my panic, then I heard...... Well, I think it was 'go get Anthony'. The Anthony registered in my brain. The words you told me at dinner the other day kind of floated through my head. 'You are surrounded by good ole boys, Brenna, no one will hurt you'. I heard it over and over. Just as quickly as it came the panic left and I could concentrate on the situation again." She took another deep breath almost like she was glad to have it off her chest. Did that worry her? That only my name could calm her? Did it worry me?

Hell no! I was thrilled!

"I see." The huge grin on my face would not go away. She rolled her eyes at me.

"So what was wrong with the horse? What spooked her?" She was changing the subject. I gave my word to drop it, but damn I wanted to reflect on it, a lot!

"There was a rattlesnake in her stall. Trystin killed it, but not before she bolted and Kendrick set off after her." I mirrored her pose, except my head wouldn't fit on my knees, I didn't bend that way, so I stayed upright. "You got lucky. That's a young mare, she is still very disobedient." Her eyes glassed over and she stilled. "They have been trying to teach her obedience, manners and so on for some time...." Her face had lost all color and I don't think she was breathing. "Brenna? You okay? What's wrong?" Our eyes clashed. Her emerald green eyes were now a washed out swampy color filled with terror. "Hey?" I scooted closer to her. She stiffened but made no move to avoid me. I scooted even closer, right before I was to close I said "Brenna? I'm going to wrap my arms around you. Don't be frightened. It's okay." She didn't move, didn't pull away, didn't tell me no. So I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and knees and pulled her up close between my thighs.

"Wanna tell me what I said wrong?" I was only talking about the horse, what the hell did I say? Is it a delayed reaction from Trystin's touch? I hadn't felt her take a breath since I put my arms around her. "Brenna, breathe!" She sucked in a deep breath of air, then another, then another, to fast now. She was going to hyperventilate on me. I hooked my finger under her chin and pulled her face up to meet mine. "Slow and steady.....There you go." Over the next few minutes we sat there, me wrapped around her, her concentrating on deep steady breaths.

When the silence was broken I jumped slightly. "'Angel, you must learn not to be _disobedient_. So much pain can be avoided with a little _obedience_.'" I stiffened. The hospital. I never did ask her what happened, I was too ashamed I left her. "That's when he started choking me. When I thought sure I was dead he let go. 'Don't think I will let you go that easily. If you are dead who will I...'" She stopped and waved her hand. "The 'f' word." She whispered.

"Fuck?" I asked, she nodded and continued. Had I ever heard her say a cuss word? I don't think so.

"That's when he tried to.....you know.....but you started talking in the hall." I hugged her tighter to me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there that night. I want to kick my own ass for it constantly." I buried my head in her hair and inhaled, god she smelt good.

"It wasn't your fault. You have to eat Anthony. It's just.... your words... about the horse.....disob....obedi..." I tightened my arms around her as she broke into sobs.

"It's okay. He won't get to you here. You're safe. I'm here, Brenna." I softly crooned. She pulled the arm trapped between us free and wrapped them both around my neck, laying her head on my shoulder as she quieted down.

Big Boy came over to investigate after a little while, nudging at her head, neighing quietly. It was really sweet to watch. The mean old horse had fallen in love with her and all be damned if I wasn't half way there myself.

****

Anthony held me for such a long time. His arm around my back had slipped loose of his hold and he was possessively rubbing small circles across my lower back, it was doing delicious things to my insides. I know he was only comforting me, but my body hadn't gotten the message from my brain. I was putty in his hands as I felt my body shiver from pleasure.

"You cold?" He tipped my head back to look at me. I was beyond words, I just shook my head minutely and gave him a small smile. He sat there searching my gaze for something, his expression was serious. He slowly, deliberately, leaned closer to me, his intent clear, he was going to kiss me.

Oh my!

Did I want this?

Did I not?

Could I do this?

Would I panic?

I felt my eyes widen, he stopped a mere breath away from my lips, waiting.

"Yes or no Brenna? Only you can live your life." He waited.

"Yes.." I didn't hear my voice, but he must have because he lowered his lips gently over mine. I gasped giving him access to my mouth. He slid his tongue in slowly, moving gently, coaxing me to join him. It was exquisite. I had never been kissed before Jerk Face, this was so much better because it was on my terms, and well, because this man knew what he was doing.

I wrapped my hands tightly around his biceps holding on for dear life. I wasn't sure what else to do with them actually. His hands slide down to my ribcage his fingers just under my breasts, but not touching them, and carefully he lifted me up.

"Put your legs around me." He mumbled without leaving my lips. I did what he said, wrapping my hands around his neck and ended up sitting in his lap, my ankles crossed behind him in the grass. One arm stayed at my ribs, the other traveled up my back to tangle his fingers in my hair. He tilted my head slightly to give him better access and increased the intensity of our kiss.

Oh My!

I was in a land of possibilities and I was completely lost. The raw emotions surging through my body were intense, new, indescribable and luscious. I was drowning in the sensations his kiss was bringing to the surface. He crushed me to him tightly as he pulled away, both of us breathing hard. His erection rubbed against my belly and brought me back to earth.

"A-anothy?" I was once again tense, my body was shaking involuntarily, and I was petrified. I knew Anthony wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but he was...um....

"Yes?" I couldn't see his face but he sounded wary, anxious.

"Why... um......" I took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders, leaned back, looked him in the eye and asked, "Why is it growing? We aren't going to...um.... have...." I could not say that word! I waved my hand around and rolled my eyes hoping he'd get the point! To his credit his expression stayed serious, his eyes however, sparkled with humor.

"No Brenna, we defiantly are not going to have sex. One, we are outside where any of the hands or Ryker could find us. Two... well I was worried about kissing you, I'm not going to even attempt to bring up sex with you." His lips twitched a bit, but he held his seriousness. "Can I ask a question first before I answer yours about growth?" I nodded, completely embarrassed. "How much do you know about sex? About men?" My mouth popped open in a perfect 'o', my eyes grew to saucer size, and my face flamed. I did _not_ want to answer that question. I just shook my head, maybe that would be answer enough. "You mentioned novels. Do you read _detailed_ romances?" Okay so now even his face was red.

"My granny picked out the books I read. We didn't have a computer and I didn't go to town remember? So no, they were very _mild_ romances. Mostly mysteries, actually." I buried my head in his chest, I couldn't look him in the eye.

Oh my goodness! We are not having this conversation!

"Okay. So I take it you know very little about a man's body?" He was trying so hard to keep that neutral expression, he was losing.

"No, I don't." I whispered. I took a deep breath not sure how he will take this. "What I know, I know from Jerk Face." I said it fast, with my eyes shut. I opened one to peek up at him when he made no comment. He wasn't fighting his humor anymore. He looked furious.

"You had kissed a guy before him though, right?" He looked and sounded hopeful. I shook my head and he blew out an exasperated sigh. "So Jerk Face..."

"Got that first too." My eyes were tearing up. This wasn't the discussion I wanted, we could go back to the embarrassing one now. It was better by a mile. "So, why?" I pointed at his crotch. His pants had resumed their normal fit. I cocked my head to the side and stared. "But?.. I thought... you had to....?" I looked back at him wide eyed and he was once again fighting that losing battle.

"Okay. I will answer your questions on one condition?" I looked at him with big eyes. What condition? That we test his theories afterward? Um.. no! "If I happen to laugh, please don't get your feelings hurt. I have never had this conversation before and I seriously don't think I can with a straight face. Promise you will take the next...say half hour in stride. No one is making fun. Alright?" He was Cheshire cat grinning, his eyes sparkled and glowed with his humor.

Well I did want to know and I've always been curious, besides I have had sex now, sort of, I should know these things, right? Okay, so sue me! I _wanted_ to know these things. "Deal. Now start talking Mister." I pouted out my lip and he burst into laughter as I grinned back at him.

He was sitting with his legs crisscrossed on the ground, my rear end was in the hole they made with my legs and arms still wrapped around him. I leaned back slightly clasping my hands behind his neck to keep from falling backwards and stared at this wonderful man. This wonderful man that had just agreed to tell me about how a man's erection worked. It was my turn to burst out with a laugh.

Once we both calmed down he started talking. "Alright. Here goes nothing. A man does not have to have sex, hell he doesn't even have to be thinking about sex, to get hard." My eyebrows rose in surprise. Why else would it get...hard? "Say a woman with a nice ass walks by, it has a mind of its own and pokes its head up to see for its self _how_ nice." He shrugs his shoulder like this is nothing new. I'm fascinated! "It'll go back down on its own. Just because it isn't used doesn't mean it'll stay that way." At my confused look he asked, "What?"

"Doesn't it hurt?" I whispered. He laughs heartily.

"Does what hurt? Getting hard or not using it?" His smile is infectious.

"Both?" I question, honestly curious.

"Sometimes, I guess. Yeah it can. But not like what you're thinking. Not like smashing your finger with a hammer or stubbing your toe hurts. It's survivable and even sometimes enjoyable pain." He looks deep in thought. I guess he's never contemplated that question before, the thought made me giggle.

"So if a nice bottom makes you... you know... then a kiss would?" I think I blush all the way to my toes.

"Oh yes. A kiss like that one would make any red blooded male hard as a rock, Brenna." He laughed out. "So you see just because he grows doesn't mean I expect to use him. Please don't get frightened because Little Tony has a mind and will all his own!"

"Little Tony?" My bottom jaw has hit our legs. "You named it?" I whispered astonished.

"Yes." He whispered back all serious. "Most men do." Then he winks at me and his face splits into an earthshattering smile. Man he is so gorgeous I think I am dazed by it. "Any more questions?"

I think about that for a minute. There is something I want to know but do I dare ask and ruin the mood? I unconsciously bite my bottom lip, contemplating how to ask.

"Brenna, what is it?" His voice has softened and his eyes darkened. Whoa, what is this?

"I wanted to ask something, but I'm afraid it will upset us both if I do." I peek up at him through my lashes and his face has hardened to steel. Oh crap.

"Something about Jerk Face, I'd guess?" He guessed right. I only nod. "Go ahead."

"How did it not go away when I said no? I felt it grow as he stood there with the gun pressed into my side. How does _that_ happen?" I know I look confused and scared, but I need this answer. If a nice butt can make it come up, how does a gun?

He took a minute to look at me, gauging my reaction to his upcoming answer, I think. "Some guys are just sick bastards Brenna. Some men can only get it up when a woman is fighting and screaming, some when it's consensual but it still has to be rough, some get off on the gun in their hands more than the women in their arms. It takes a real perverted asshole to rape a woman." He reassuringly rubbed my back where his hands are around me.

"So holding a gun to an unwilling woman has no appeal to Little Tony?" I asked quietly.

"Nope. Holding anything or anyone but _you_ has no appeal to Little Tony these days." He smiled shyly, I think. Then pulled me in for a hug. I go willingly, unfrightened. "Can I kiss you again before we head back?"

His whispered question makes me smile, it's not at my ear because his face is buried in my hair, so I am okay with it. I leaned back and nodded. He reached up slowly and tugged my lip from my teeth, I didn't realize I was biting it. Then he slowly descends, taking my mouth gently, almost reverently. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip and I hesitantly open for him. He deepened the kiss and I was lost to him.

### Chapter Thirteen

I am sitting at the kitchen table later that day when Ryker returned from the hospital.

"How's Kendrick and Trystin?" I asked him truly worried for the young men.

"Honestly, I think Kendrick is better than Trystin." He laughed. "They are keeping him a few hours to watch the concussion but it's mild and said he can return later this evening. Trystin is being a mother hen. Every time Kendrick moves or looks like he is in pain Trystin is yelling at him to be still or at nurses for more pain killers. It's really fun to watch." His chuckle is relaxing and I acclimated to his presence, feeling more at ease with him than ever before.

"Did he need stitches?" Mine have dissolved and are feeling much better now.

"Yep. Twelve. They had to shave a crescent shape out of his hair from where the front of the hoof cut it open. He was very upset about losing his hair but he was lucky she wasn't shoed. It could have been much worse." He grinned as he placed his coffee on the table and sat next to me. I stiffened slightly because he had taken the chair to my immediate left. He's very close. I tried to brush it off as he kept talking. "His ribs are only bruised, which when it comes to the pain it doesn't matter. Bruised or broken they still hurt like hell. Other than that he's doing well." I shifted uncomfortably.

"Well that's good news. When do you expect them home? I'd like to check on them. Do they live in the same house?" I don't know how the housing works for the men. I have seen the row of small houses on the far side of the barn, there doesn't look to be enough for each to have their own. I tried to scoot my chair over slightly but it made a scraping noise and I froze, staring at the table.

Please do not have noticed! Embarrassment pinkened my cheeks. He kept talking.

"Yep. There are six houses, two men per house. I never have more than twelve hands helping out at a time, so it works out well. As you know I only have eleven now. Old Steve was my manager, helped me run things around here. Last month he died of a heart attack in the barn." I gasped.

"Oh, I'm sorry. How long had he been here?" I slid to the front of my chair, easier if I have to run.

"I've been running the place for five years. Old Steve though, he was here with the previous owners, an older couple who had no children to leave it to and wanted to retire. They only had one stipulation when I bought it. That Old Steve stayed on, his salary didn't go down and he was kept managing the place. I didn't have a problem with that. He had been here for over twenty years and knew the place inside and out. He was a great rancher. So, technically the answer to your question is over twenty-five years."

"Wow. To be able to do something like this for that long would be wonderful." I said wistfully. That would be my dream, to own a place like this or heck, even work on a place like this for the rest of my life. I have seen enough of the world and would be happy to stay in confinement forever. For a moment I forgot my discomfort with his closeness. "So why haven't you replaced him?"

"Haven't found anyone trustworthy enough who wants the job. It's a lot of work, the hands I have now are good, but they like the little time they get off. They're all still young."

"Anthony would be a good manager. He loves it here." I covered my mouth realizing I said that out loud. Ryker shook his head sadly.

"He will never leave that damn job." He sounded upset, even disgruntled by this.

I decided to change the subject. He was still to close and I squirm in my chair, aggravated with myself. "Why are they all young men? I mean young is fine, strong, but why no older guys?" I've been curious about that since the first day.

"One, older guys in ranching are set in their ways and established in other ranches in the area. Those who aren't have a reason why, not always good. But mainly because I like to give the younger guys a start. Most ranchers don't hire men without any experience. I like them that way." He took a sip of his coffee and made a funny face. He rose and dumped it out, rinsed his mug and filled it with orange juice from the fridge. When he returned he took a seat on the other side of the table and continued like nothing had changed.

"I like being able to teach them the ropes the way I want it done. In short there aren't any habits to break because none have formed yet. Now don't get me wrong, almost all have some experience whether from home, school programs or odd jobs, but the 'Rowdy R Ranch' will most likely be their first real full time, more than a hundred hours a week job. You can't just work nine to five on a ranch." He smiled as he drank his juice.

"I think I get it. It's like breaking a colt your horse birthed. You know what's going to happen because no one else has tried before. You can break it anyway you want." I peeked at him through my lashes. I was more comfortable now. He knew this, but he didn't want to point it out. My respect for the bigfoot of a man expanded proportionally.

"Exactly. So how are you getting along Brenna? Tony treating you okay?" I blushed a deep scarlet thinking of our shared kisses in the forest. Oh he's treating me good alright! "That good, huh?" There was humor in his voice.

"No! It's not what you think! I have _not_ slept with him!" Just to make my embarrassment complete Anthony had to walk into the kitchen at that exact moment! Shoot me now! Wide eyed I ping-ponged between the two. "Excuse me for a minute please!" I squeaked. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom down the hall, I just needed a moment to return to the correct shade of pink!

****

"What the hell was that about? Did I hear her right? You asked if we slept together?" What the hell? I believed he would ask me that if he thought it were true or was joking with me, but not Brenna.

"No, I didn't! I asked if you were treating her okay. She turned a beautiful shade of red and smiled a big ass grin. I asked 'that good, huh?' That's when you walked in and heard the answer. Guess she took it the wrong way or did she?" He gave me a wolfish smile and waggled his eyebrows at me.

"That woman has been through hell, do you really think I would try to sleep with her?" I plopped down in a chair and just stared at him. Was I that transparent? I didn't just want to sleep with her but I found my hands itching to touch her, hold her, and god I loved kissing her. I readjusted the way I was sitting to lessen the pressure in my pants. Oh hell, I have it bad.

"I didn't till she turned three shades of crimson. So what _did_ you do?" He still had that god awful smile across his face but concern lurked behind it in the depths. I wasn't getting away with being quiet, I was going to have to tell him something or he would ask Brenna again.

"I kissed her." I said on an exasperated sigh. "That's it Ryker. End of story don't bring it up to her! Drop it, please?" Why did I feel like I was back in the fourth grade begging him not to tell my mom I kissed Nicki, the girl next door, in our coat closet?

"Fine. I knew you'd tell me." He smirked and went to the sink to dump out something from his coffee cup.

"Is that orange juice? At this time in the day?" He nodded and looked sheepish. "Why?"

"I sat down next to Brenna not thinking about how close I would be to her, she didn't say anything but kept fidgeting and trying to scoot away from me. When she scooted up on her chair like she was going to run..." He shrugged. "I got up and dumped the coffee, making a face like it was old. I had to refill it with something and I saw the juice first. When I sat back down I sat on the other side of the table from her."

"Why didn't you just move over a chair? Why the show?" Ryker wasn't the type to put on a performance for anyone, if you didn't like what he did, so what, leave if it hurt your feelings. Why did he care what Brenna thought?

"I didn't want to make it to obvious I could tell I upset her." He shrugged again. "Hell, who am I kidding? I didn't want to upset her more by just moving and making her think it was because she was upsetting me by fidgeting." He blew out a raspberry. "Just don't ask, I don't know why!" He sat back down with his refilled coffee and pouted. If one woman who he wasn't involved with could do this to him, I couldn't wait till he found someone he did get involved with. It would be hilarious to watch.

"So what were y'all talking about?"

"Why I hired young men opposed to old ones and the open manager's job." He looked over towards the hallway where Brenna had run to.

"Open manager's job? You didn't tell me about that." Ranching was the only thing I really wanted to do when I was a kid. My father's death left me no choice but to follow in his footsteps. One day though. One day I'd have a ranch of my own.

"Yep. Old Steve died last month. Why you want to quit the force and join me here?" He laughed but I wasn't laughing.

"What would you say if I said yes, that's exactly what I want?" He just stared at me. Ha! I could still leave him speechless every now and then!

"Tony? Are you serious?" He sat up in his chair, no longer relaxed. "I know when you were little this is what you wanted but you have a great career you've worked long and hard to achieve. Are you sure you want to leave that for this? Its long hours and hard work." He was all business now and so was I. This is all I ever wanted to do and now.... Now I didn't have anything holding me back.

"Ryker what do you think being a cop is? Fun? I get called at all hours, night or day. I deal with every kind of criminal out there, from petty theft to drugs to rapists to murders. Its long hours and hard work." I throw his words back at him in the same serious, no nonsense way he had said them to me. I wasn't afraid of hard work, I was brought up on it. "Do I think I can give up the blood, the criminals or the victims? Hell yes I do. I hate my job and I always have. It was my job to get this job. My mother wouldn't have taken anything less and you of all people know this. Now that she's gone...." It's my turn to shrug. "Maybe it's time I do something I want to do."

"You sound like you have thought about this some, a lot actually." A lot? Only every waking hour and even the non-waking ones since I arrived back here. I had visited during vacations before, however this is the first time I let myself pay attention to the things happening around me. I knew if I had let myself before I would have hated my life even more when I returned to it.

"Some? Yes I have." Would he offer me the job? I didn't have experience. "I know I have no experience, but if your offering? I'm accepting." I stare him in the eye. Ultimately it's his choice. Friends aren't always the best employees so he may not want this.

"You're hired." He sat back in his chair and looked down the hall again. "What about..?" He tipped his head towards where Brenna left.

"When this one is wrapped up, it will be my last. I'll call my captain and let him know."

"Let him know what?" Brenna's small scared voice came from the hallway. "Is he here?"

"Nope. I just accepted a job as the new manager to the 'Rowdy R Ranch'." I smile at her. Her eyes grew big as houses and she stared to shake. "Brenna?"

"Will you send me back to Philly without you? Make someone else take the case?" She backed up into the wall. Her face had gone ashen and she had stopped breathing again.

I approach her as you would a wounded animal, cautiously. "No Bren. You will stay here with me, this will be my last case. I'm not quitting till Jerk Face is taken care of and your safe. No worries, alright?" She visibly relaxed and her color returned to normal. She nodded then surprised me when she pulled me into a hug.

She whispered in my ear. "Please don't leave me, you are my safe." I just hold her, reeling from the fact she touched me willingly without flinching, without hesitation, and she pulled me into a position I had to touch her, which she accepted without flinching, without hesitation. She was getting there, I smiled.

****

Anthony had left the room to talk to his captain leaving me to sit at the table with Ryker alone. "Whose turn is it to cook tonight?" I peeked at him over the rim of my coke as I took a long swallow. I had a note book in front of me that I had found in my room and I thought maybe if I wrote down some of my thoughts it might help the jumble of emotions in my head. I hadn't written one word.

"Oh shit!" He jumped up startling me. "It is Trystin's turn. Everything happened so fast this morning I bet he hadn't gotten to pulling anything out for the grill. Shit! Now what?" He was pacing the kitchen, stopping intermittingly to open the fridge then the freezer, shut both, and paced some more. He was mumbling to himself as he paced. "Nothing will be thawed by dinner time. There isn't enough lunch meat so sandwiches are out. Shit, shit, shit!"

Laughing at his antics I tried to get his attention. "Ryker?" He kept pacing. "Ryker?" Back to the fridge. I walked over and put my hand on the door and shut it standing in front of him to get him to see me. "Ryker?"

"Huh?" He looked so lost it was comical.

"Would you like me to cook something?" His vibrant amber eyes lit up then dimmed drastically.

"But what, Brenna? Nothing has been thawed out and nothing will thaw in time. Not enough to feed this crew anyway."

"Is there a grocery store near?" I could get Anthony to take me into town. If I could find money I needed a few things anyway.

"Forty-five or so minutes away in town." I looked to the clock on the stove and saw it was only two o'clock.

"What time is dinner normally?"

"Six." He still looked like a lost two year old, I wanted to laugh but only managed to smile to myself, laughing at bigfoot had no appeal to me.

"Can we make it seven? I can ask Anthony to run me to town. I need to get a few things anyway and I can get what I need for dinner then, but we will have to push it back or I won't have time." My face flamed at the mention of needing things from town. It was almost that time of the month and I had nothing with me, I didn't dare ask one of these men to buy them for me. If Ryker asked what I needed I think I might expire here and now.

"Yes that's fine. I'll spread the word, however I'm sure the men will wait till midnight if it's a real home cooked not bar-b-qued meal." He chuckled as he reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. I started to put my hand on his arm to stop him, but hesitated and dropped it, shaking my head. He frowned at me.

"I have one favor I want to ask of you. I need help with something, I um, I'm not good with computers.... I have this bank account my Granny left me. I have all the information except how much is in it and how I exactly access it to draw money out of it. Could you help me with that? If so I will get dinner, it's the least I can do." The police kept my bank card because it was in the wallet Jerk Face touched. If I couldn't access Granny's account I was in deep doo-doo.

"Brenna, first I am not one to brag, actually I hate braggers, but let's just say I'm loaded. I can pay the cost for an impromptu meal for my men. _You will not pay for this_." He glowered at me and I stepped back slightly, he noticed. He shook his head and purposely softened his feature. "I don't think you realize how much it will take to feed thirteen hungry men. Second, I have no problem helping you with the account. Where's the information?" I smiled weakly and held up one finger then ran to my room for the book. I brought it back down to find him in his office. I handed him the book then stood behind his chair watching while he went through everything it asked for. It was all written in the book, Password, answers to security questions, everything but the amount. The thing I needed to know.

Just for something to do I started babbling. "My Granny left me that. The lawyer said the amount was never recorded because every month till she died it changed dramatically. That's why there isn't a balance listed." Ryker was still typing away, so I kept talking. "You say you're loaded, huh? So what are we talking? Hundreds of thousands or millions or billions? Not that I need to know. Never mind don't answer that, it's none of my business." I huffed out indignantly. I looked down at Ryker and he had stopped typing and was bent over the keyboard. His whole body was bouncing up and down with his silent laughter. I kicked his chair in a tiff. "Why are you laughing at me?"

He through his head back and howled with laughter. "We are talking _small_ millions, Brenna. But you! You are worth _high_ millions, if not _billions_."

Huh? What was he talking about? Me? Millions? Billions? Not possible! I shook my head defiantly.

"What do you mean? I'm not worth more than the next girl, Ryker." I shoved my hands on my hips and stared at him.

"Brenna, how to tell you this? Do you not know who your Granny was?" He turned in his chair, all laughter had fled but humor still tinged his voice.

What a strange question when he had her name in front of him. "Mildred Ward. You have it right there Ryker." I crossed my arms over my chest tired of this game. What the heck?

"Mildred Ward was known worldwide, Brenna. Do you not know why?" He was looking at me now like 'she had to know this answer, she wasn't that stupid, was she?' I shook my head.

"I lived in a small two room cabin my whole life on one acre of land. I didn't leave the cabin from the time I was eight till a five weeks ago. No I only know her as Granny."

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Mildred would take the most troubled horses in for one month, if she fixed the horse in the month, you paid but if she didn't, you didn't. Simple as that. People came from everywhere to seek her help. You were under strict rules though. You couldn't visit the horse in the month, couldn't even come by the stables, no contact at all in the month, that was the most important of her rules and she wasn't lenient either. You couldn't ask questions when it was done, if you did she didn't answer them. Some say it wasn't her who actually worked with the horses, she only pretended to, she was protecting someone. It was all very secretive. She had to be a multimillionaire by the time she passed. When was it, a year ago?" He went back to typing.

"Eleven months and three days." I rattled off not realizing I had spoken out loud. I was flabbergasted. They thought it was her? Well that's fine with me, I would have never done it if I knew these things. Worldwide? I don't want to be known worldwide! I don't want to be known city wide! I just want to hide like I've always done and train horses. I had been doing this for her since I was ten! Fourteen years! How much did she charge? Obviously a lot if she made millions?

"Whoa! Whoa! Wait. I don't understand?" My face had paled and my heart was racing, even I could see my hands shaking. "Ryker, the lawyer that came to the house said that money was mine. From work the I did! I...I.." Anthony came in the room and wrapped me in his arms. I went willingly.

"What's going on here?" He was glaring at Ryker.

"Watch." He looked pointedly at me, then turned to Anthony. "Tony who is Mildred Ward?" Anthony looked between the two of us then answered.

"She is that horse woman, isn't she? The one who claimed to be able to fix any horse in one month. She had a pretty good record to. I think there were only..." He paused to think, but I answered for him as the only failures I suffered ran through my mind..

"Three. There were only three in fourteen years." My voice was a hoarse whisper. "Shawshank had been beaten by a previous owner and went wild when you tried to saddle him. I couldn't get leather near him. He bruised two of my ribs." Unconsciously I rubbed my left side with remembered pain. "Olympic Prize had fallen in a well as a colt, she wouldn't go into the dark, whether it was night or an unlit stall, if it was dark or highly shadowed she wasn't stepping foot into it. Nothing changed her mind." I glanced at the two faces staring at me in utter shock, resting my gaze on Anthony I finished speaking the memories rolling around inside me. "Last there was Mr. Personality. He was beautiful, a paint, sixteen hands and aptly named. They wanted him for barrel racing, he was fast and scared to death of the barrels but I never figured out why. He would get close and stop dead in his tracks. He threw me so many times I was covered in bruises from head to toe, I was surprised I didn't break anything that month. Nothing worked with him either, just like the other two. One hundred and forty-nine horses in fourteen years and only three were unsuccessful."

"WAIT! Are you trying to say your _Granny_ was Mildred Ward?" Anthony's stunned voice brought me back to the present. I nodded my head as Ryker tried to explain.

"Yes, man, that's what we're saying. If this is Mildred's money in this account then it will be millions." He was grinning, I wasn't, neither was Anthony.

"Brenna? Is that the book you said your Granny left you from the horses she brought you?" He was pointing to the bank book in Ryker's hand, I just nodded, my voice was gone. Millions? "Okay, hold on. We thought Mildred did the horses herself, but if she was your Granny. That means it was you breaking those horses, not her. Do I have that right?" Another silent nod. "You said a lawyer brought you the book and you knew nothing about it, right?"

"Yes. I didn't even know they weren't her horses. She just made me the deal at ten years old, she would bring me a new horse each month to work with, at the end of the month I had to give it back. It was only to keep me busy. I loved the horses and we could only afford to keep two. She knew how much I enjoyed working with them. When the lawyer came he said no one knew the exact amount in the account because a new transfer came every month in different amounts. He also said the account hasn't been touched since it was set up thirteen years ago." I looked between the two men who were both staring at me, one smiling one still in shock.

"So you are telling me that basically _you_ are Mildred Ward?" Ryker asked.

"No, I'm Brenna Ward." I didn't understand what he meant, I wasn't my grandmother.

"No, Brenna. What he's trying to say is technically Mildred Ward didn't fix those horses. You did, so you are Mildred. Or the person behind the scenes, the one she was protecting." Oh, that made sense.

"Yes, I guess so. I just know Granny brought me a horse every month to fix, I did it all but three times. It was fun." I shrugged, they just stared mouths on the floor. The computer beeped and Ryker and Anthony turned to look at it before both men let loose low whistles. What does that mean?

"Well? It's nowhere near a million, right? You all were pulling my leg." I laughed nervously. I didn't want to have millions. I've never cared about money, never needed it. Why start now?

"Darlin' I apologize. It isn't a million." I smiled, Ryker beamed.

"Good." I let out a relieved breath. They both turned to me mouths agape. Looking between them I added, "I don't need money to be happy, guys."

"Well this will send you in a fit of tears then. It's not _a_ million, its _sixty two_ million dollars."

" _WHAT!?"_ My mouth fell open, my eyes grew wide and tears pricked the backs as my whole body started to shake. How? It was just horses? How much did she charge? I began to feel light headed and the room spun around me. "I need to sit." I said, right before I crumbled to the floor.

****

"Guess she wasn't expecting that." Thankfully I had caught Brenna before she hit the ground. I carried her to the leather sofa in the corner of Ryker's study and laid her carefully across it. I turned to Ryker's amused face as I spoke the words, his reply came quickly and hinted to the humor of the situation but he held his expression somber....

"Nope, guess she wasn't. Frankly, me neither. You didn't know who she was?" He looked like maybe he thought I was lying for her.

"How? _She_ didn't even know! She told me about the horses and her Granny but never her name, she only ever called her Granny. How was I supposed to know she was Mildred Wards granddaughter and she was the one behind Mildred's success? You know I always wondered why Mildred lived the way she did when she had made so much. Can you believe she didn't spend a dime of it?" I couldn't, that was a lot of money she let sit in a bank for thirteen years, but then again she was preparing for her only granddaughters future. It was rightfully Brenna's money, she was the one who did the work and earned it, Mildred only safe guarded it. "What brought this on anyway? She said she didn't need to know what was in that account."

"She wanted to fix dinner. She said she needed a few things from town and the way she blushed I'm guessing it's womanly things she won't find here. She needed to know how to access the account in order to buy what she needed, then she was going to ask you to take her if I could access her funds. Only problem is, I can't get her access right now. They will have to mail a card to her because one has never been issued on the account. I can set it up for one to come here."

"Please do so." Brenna's voice startled me.

"You okay?" I knelt beside her and helped her stand.

"Yes. It just shocked me. I never knew I was a millionaire, never wanted to be one. Ryker you said you couldn't get me any money now?" What did she need money for? Ryker shook his head.

"You had a job, don't you have another account you can withdraw from?" She blew out a breath and the little loose hairs that had fallen in her face flew up before gently landing once again in her face.

"It's in my purse. The purse that's sitting in evidence in the Philly police station." She looked pointedly at me and I cringed. I knew that. Oh hell. Has she needed anything that I hadn't provided? Was she too frightened or proud to ask before?

"You could have asked, I would have got you anything you needed Bren." I scold mildly.

"Okay Anthony, I need pads! Do you want to go in the store and buy them to?" Okay she had a point. She stood to her full height, all of five feet then addressed Ryker again. "How do I get money, Ryker?" She wasn't playing now, she was pissed. Oh, man, she was cute when she was pissed. Her eyes danced with defiance, her posture rigid, hands on her hips, her pert little lips pouting. A reluctant smile tugged at my lips.

"I can make a transfer into my account and just give you the cash. We can do enough to hold you over for a week at least, that way anything you need in town you can buy. Nonetheless I am still paying for dinner!" He went back to the computer while Brenna stood with her back to me and her arms crossed.

"I'll go get the truck." I mumbled and left.

"Don't be too hard on him. He is a guy, after all." I heard Ryker's comically filled voice follow me out.

****

Ryker transferred a thousand dollars from my account to his. Next he turned to a wall safe and counted out the money from a large stack of hundreds, there was more in the safe but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why he had so much cash on hand. After placing the cash in my hand he also counted out five more hundreds to buy dinner with. Now that was going overboard!! Five hundred dollars for one meal? Shaking my head I took my money and stashed it in my new purse before I went to Anthony waiting in the driveway.

We pretty much stayed silent during the drive into town. We passed a small strip mall as we entered a populated area, I begged Anthony to stop till he grudgingly did. I knew we had to be fast in order to get dinner done at a reasonable time but I really needed more than two pants and shirts. Not to mention I only had one set of underwear and nothing to sleep in. So very quickly I bought a few more things. I made Anthony wait outside the lingerie store which he protested wasn't fair. If he had to endure being drug from store to store he should get to judge whether the underwear I bought fit right or not. If he hadn't had a gloriously playful smile spread wide over his face I might have been worried. He stood in the doorway and pouted when I sternly refused his offer. It was very amusing.

After we went clothes shopping we made a run to the grocery store. It took two baskets to get what I needed for dinner thanks to Anthony's interferences. I'm sure Ryker was right, thirteen men can eat a lot but I believe Anthony over did it a bit. At first I would put what I thought I needed in the basket, Anthony would shake his head and triple it. After about three aisles of this I started telling him what I needed and what it took for a normal two person meal, he'd judge the amount needed for tonight's meal and dropped it into the basket I dutifully pushed as he loaded it higher and higher till we had to get a second one. I hoped he was right, this was Ryker's money.

I also retrieved everything I would need to make spaghetti for a different night. This I would pay for because Ryker wasn't here to tell me no and I really wanted to show my gratitude towards these men in some way, and cooking was one thing I was good at that they could appreciate.

Ryker's shopping bill was $432.87, guess he wasn't too far off with the five hundred he provided me. Mine was only $212.43, of course, mine wasn't all food. A girl needed things like lotion and smell goods for that beautiful tub, shampoo AND conditioner, not an all-in-one. That stuff doesn't work in long hair. And of course feminine products men knew nothing about! So now we were heading back to the ranch only two hours after we left. We had made good time after all. We chatted amenably all the way back about random things from our lives. Thankfully shopping had worked both our moods into a better place than when we left the ranch.

We pulled into the drive way and hands come from everywhere. Fifty to sixty bags of groceries were unloaded in one single trip with the only problem being _all_ the groceries were unloaded. Even my stuff. The minute the first hand, Noah, reached into a bag and pulled out my pads I embarrassingly shooed all men from the kitchen. Noah practically ran red faced from the kitchen. After sorting through all the groceries and putting up the ones that needed it and keeping out the dinner stuff, I took my bags up stairs and left them on my bed to put up later.

Upon reentering the kitchen I noticed Ryker standing at the pantry staring at the food I had stocked there.

"This was more than I gave you." His lips were pursed and his eyebrows were drawn down in thought.

"Oh here, I have the receipt for you and your change." I reached in my purse and retrieved the bills that were left from the money he gave me, with a sweet innocent smile I placed it into his hand. "Here you go."

He sat down at the table and started going over the receipt line for line. I busied myself preparing dinner silently watching him. After about ten minutes he stood, placing the receipt on the island beside where I was working before walking over to my purse where he dropped the change back in it. "What are you doing?"

"I can count at least twenty cans in that pantry not on this receipt. I don't know what you did, but how much more do I owe you, Brenna?" By his sour face and the angry set to his jaw I deduced he wasn't happy with my plan to outsmart him. This is not how I wanted this to go. I figured he would get a chuckle out of it, not be angry.

I backed up to the cabinet behind me putting some distance between us. Softly I spoke, "I only want to make dinner for you all. I bought enough for two nights and because I didn't ask you about the second night in advance, I paid for it. I really wanted to do this for all your help Ryker. Please let me? Please," I paused to search his eyes which had cooled some but were anything but calm or happy. "don't be mad." My voice had dropped to a whisper and my body was shaking. His hardened amber eyes softened and his posture relaxed quickly, in a matter of seconds he was back to the even tempered man I ask to help me earlier. Thank God. The other Ryker scared me!

"Hey. I didn't mean to frighten ya, Darlin', I just know the cost of feeding these men. They are my men, my responsibility. I don't want to put it off on anyone else." He had stepped back on the other side of the island away from me giving me some breathing room, I started to relax a bit, well I was no longer trying to climb on the cabinet for an escape, at least.

"I know Ryker, but for now all of you guys are my boys. Let me feed you one meal on me. I promise the rest you can buy." I smile sheepishly at him and he nods his grudging approval.

" _Your_ boys, huh?" He quirked his eyebrow at me and I hid my smile behind my hand. "Alright, only this one time. Deal?" He smiled a big easy smile, completely back to normal. I was ecstatic.

"Deal." Tentatively I stuck my hand out to shake his hand. He searched my face for a minute not moving, contemplating. "Shake on it?" I whispered. His smile split his face and he reached over and gently shook my hand proudly. As our hands dropped there was a gasp from the hall. I turned to see Anthony, mouth agape, eyes wild. "We made a deal and shook on it!" I smiled brightly at him bouncing excitably on my toes. He recovered himself rapidly while I looked to Ryker, unbelievably his grin has gotten even bigger.

"She started it." He said to Anthony and winked at me before leaving the room.

"You willingly touched _him_?" Even Anthony's grin is extensive.

"Yep!" I smiled proudly and returned to my meal preparations of chopping vegetables. I'm getting better, I muse. I wouldn't have even thought of offering bigfoot my hand yesterday, however today, after he helped me with the bank account and the words he spoke the other night, I believe I am getting comfortable enough around Ryker to let my guard down.

"Good for you." He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I froze cutting myself in the process, nevertheless I don't feel it. I can only feel the uncontrollable panic seizing me. I heard Jerk Face behind me whispering in my ear, his hands on my hips, his erection on my rear. My breathing was harsh even to my ears as my grip on the knife tightened. I just wanted it to stop.

****

The minute my arms came around her I knew I'd fucked up. I saw her hand start to bleed, her breathing became erratic and her grip tightened on the knife. Oh hell.

"RYKER!" I screamed and jumped back as she swung around with the knife barely missing me. "Come on Brenna, it's me Anthony. You don't want to hurt me, do ya?" Ryker came in at a dead run, taking only a second to process the situation he squatted down low behind the island and crept behind her. 'Keep talking Tony' was written all over his face.

"Brenna you are safe, baby." Shit! She swung again. No endearments jackass! I screamed at myself, Ryker was glaring daggers from behind her. "Brenna, you're safe. No one's here but us, it's okay. Just good ole boys, remember?" Using her earlier statement against her was wrong but I was desperate and she was getting close to Little Tony.

Ryker was right behind her now. He looked pointedly at the knife then at me right before he wrapped his arms around her from behind, trapping her arms. I swooped in and twisted the knife from her grip. She went ballistic at being held once more from behind. "No! I want to fight you! I won't obey you! I won't! I will be disobedient as much as I want! Let me go! Don't touch me! Don't! Don't touch me Jerk Face! NOOO!" I laid the knife in the sink, way away from her, and wrapped my arms around her tightly. Ryker tried to release her, instead we all three sunk to the ground. She had Ryker's wrists in one hand and mine in the other holding tight with no intention of letting go. So we all sat there on the floor, both of us murmuring comfort, rocking silently till she calmed down and started breathing deeply again.

Hesitantly I stroked her hair and spoke calmly to her. "How you doing, Bren? I'm sorry, I forgot. I never should have come from behind you, especially with no warning." She shook her head and released both our wrists before she stiffly rose to her feet.

"I'm fine now guys. Thanks. I need to get this going or it _will_ be midnight." She looked down at her hand then went to the sink to tend to the bleeding.

"May I see?" Ryker asked her and held his hand out for hers. She looked at his hand then in his eyes. "I won't hurt you Darlin'. I just want to see." For the first time in two days, she flinched at his endearment for her. Disappointment clouded her face. She nodded once sharply and moved her hand to hover above his, not touching him. He crooked his finger under her chin and made her look at him. "Brenna, have I hurt you?"

"No." she whispered inaudibly.

"Will I hurt you?"

A tear rolled down her face. "No, I don't believe you will." She was a little louder this time.

"Has Tony hurt you?"

"No!" She was much more insistent on this.

"Will he?" He whispered.

"NO!" She stomped her foot and threw her shoulders back, then timidly laid her hand in his while she reached her free hand to me. I took it and held on lightly, she squeezed tight, not lightening up so I held on tighter. She sighed, relieved.

"It's not bad, Brenna. Just let me bandage it up so there isn't blood in the food. Tony fix that mess for us, huh?" He pointed to the cutting board where there was blood on a potato.

Dropping her hand reluctantly I cleaned up the mess, throwing the potato away I washed the cutting board off with bleach scented dish soap. I laid her stuff back out, except the knife, when I had completed the chore. I turned to her after Ryker was done, with knife in hand pointed towards the floor. "You want this back?" She nodded sheepishly, peeking at me through her eyelashes. I smiled and handed it to her with a warning, "You can have it if you promise you won't try to use it on Little Tony again." She looked up stunned.

"Oh my, I'm sorry, I didn't realize." Her breath rushed out of her in pants as she stepped backwards away from the knife, her terrified eyes clashed with mine as Ryker's presence behind her stopped her retreat.

"No. Stop that. It's fine, we're good, both Tony's that is. I was trying to make you laugh." I winked at her and leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. She let me with barley a discernible flinch.

Afterwards I stayed in the kitchen to watch her work. She was very fluent in what she did. Everything was deliberate, things were done to save steps around the big kitchen. She was graceful and elegant as she cooked chicken pot pie for thirteen men.

As I was pulling the last pie from the oven for her, men started to arrive out back.

"Do we have somewhere we can all sit for dinner or is only outside big enough?" She asked.

"This table pulls out to easily seat sixteen." Ryker said as he reentered the room.

"Do you have enough chairs?" She smiled fondly at him. All earlier tension gone.

"Yep. In the garage, we'll go get them, Darlin'." She didn't blanch. He walked to the back door and hollered out to the men. "We're eating family style! Grab a chair! Noah and Talan fix the table." Then he turned and led me away to the garage with the hands following us.

****

I stood back out of the way and watched as Noah and Talan lengthened the table. When they were done I walked tentatively up to Talan and smiled a small hesitant smile. "Hi, I'm Brenna. I haven't met you yet."

"Hello ma'am. I'm Talan Thatch." He stuck his hand out to shake and I hesitated while staring at his palm like it was the rattlesnake that frightened Rosey. Noah put his hand over Talan's, he shook his head while lowering it away from me.

"Don't touch." He whispered obviously louder than he wanted because he blanched at his own words.

No! I do not want to be this person anymore. If I can't shake a man's hand how will I ever accomplish anything else? I shook Ryker's and nothing bad happened, he didn't pull me into him and tear my clothes off or anything of the sort.

I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders, lifted my chin and stuck out my hand. Talan took it slowly, gently, unsure if he really should touch me or not. Smiling a smile I hoped showed courage and not the fear I felt, I whispered, "Nice to meet you."

He nodded and sat in a chair quickly, glad to have that over with I believe. I looked up and noticed all the guys were standing in the hall with a chair. Each one proceeded forward and introduced themselves then waited for me to lift my hand before lifting theirs.

I shook every one!

Last entered Trystin and Kendrick. I shook Trystin's hand and accepted his thanks and apology before I turned to Kendrick.

"How are you?" The concern in my voice was evident to me, moreover I'm sure it was to everyone else.

"I'm alive, Ma'am, thanks to you." He slowly knelt in front of me mindful of his smarting ribs and held his hand out. I put mine in his timidly, he very slowly and deliberately lifted it to his lips. I tensed but didn't pull away. He kissed it gently before lowering it back to my side. "Thank you, Sweet Brenna." He said softly before he rose to his feet.

There were tears in my eyes therefore I couldn't make myself look at him. "You're welcome." Came the soft whisper before I turned to the kitchen for plates and silverware. Anthony followed me and took the stack of heavy glass plates I had found in the top of the shelf with a thick layer of dust on them.

"You okay?" He whispered as he reached for the silverware I had washed and lay on the counter to dry.

I nodded and whispered, "Just need a minute. Set the table while I cut the pies please?"

"Sure thing, Bren. You did good, honey." I flinched. Darn it! He had already turned from me leaving a slight chance he didn't see it.

He strode over and passed out the plates as I cut into all eight pies. I carried two to the table as Anthony returned to the kitchen for the two more. When all was ready every man at the table removed his hat and bowed his head in unison. Ryker looked my way to ask if I wanted to say Grace. I nodded slowly, thoughts running through my head of what to say. I had prayed before, however there were three women at our table not thirteen men.

"Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for keeping Kendrick and Trystin safe today. It could have been much worse without your patience and guidance leading us in our endeavors. Thank you for the friendships that are being formed and those that bloomed in years past which are now shared in this beautiful place. Please help all those who need the extra help and even those who don't. Please keep us all safe from harm and evil..." My voice cracked slightly and I had to stop to catch my breath. I felt Anthony's hand on my knee and it gave me the courage to finish. "Last but not least thank you for my new safe haven, whether it is temporary or forever, let me enjoy it and the people here as if it were my only home. In your name we pray...Amen." The Amen was echoed around the room in deep masculine voices. I looked up and forced a smile for the men staring at me with pride, curiosity, interest, concern and tenderness. "Let's eat!"

"Ladies first." Ryker said as I realized not a man at the table had moved, they were waiting on me to serve myself first. I smiled graciously and made my plate. As soon as the glass bottom clinked on the table noise erupted. The four pies disappeared before I finished my second bite. I laid my fork down and rose to get more, however Anthony covered my hand and shook his head.

"Sit. I'll get it." He patted my hand and stood to leave.

"I'll help." Trystin joined him as they both went to the kitchen with the empty pans and returned with another four pies.

The men didn't speak much but the pies were inhaled. All but Trystin's. He seemed to only shove the food around to make it look like he was eating but he hadn't taken a bite since he sat down. After the first man, Talan, finished his meal he said, "Ma'am you can cook everyday if it all tastes this good! That was excellent. Thank you Kendrick and Trystin for screwing up the bar-b-que tonight!" He rose from the table among applause, laughter and the twins bowing, rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher. Each man followed as they finished. All with blushing compliments and begging for me to cook more often. The most flattering was Noah, "Ma'am you cook even better than my Mama." He winked then added, "But don't tell her I said that!"

Each man left after placing their plate in the dishwasher leaving Anthony, Ryker and me alone at the table.

"That really was good Brenna. What ya cooking tomorrow?" Ryker asked with a huge smile.

"Spaghetti with homemade sauce." I returned his grin, happy the argument over the meal was long gone.

"If you make me a list and only if you want to I will send a few guys into town for more groceries if you want to cook more. Believe me, that was much better than b-b-q. After five years of it, it gets old." He laughed out. "I'd pay you. Name your salary, Darlin'!" Anthony was laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair. "What you laughing at Tony?" Ryker sounded affronted nonetheless the twinkle in his eye belied his tone of voice.

"You! Practically begging her to cook for you! Are you that desperate?" He had reduced himself to snickering although he wasn't doing a good job keeping it that way, he kept snorting between breaths trying to control himself. He almost didn't get the words out.

"Yes, as a matter of a fact, I am. Have you tasted some of those guys cooking? I haven't had a cook since the first year I bought the place. One of the hands knocked her up. I lost them both at the end of that nightmare. Never did it again, wasn't planning to ever do it again. But with Brenna, well she already has you wrapped around her finger and the guys know to leave her be, so I think we're good there, no hanky panky, no babies, no hard feelings, nor quitting and firing of my employees." He paused for only a second before adding, "That means you can stay even after Jerk Face is caught if you wish, Brenna." It was spoken quietly, I'm sure because he didn't know how I would take it.

My jaw was on the ground. After I retrieved it I smiled brilliantly. "Stay here? For good? Cooking for my boys... I mean your men? Really?" Then I remembered Anthony was staying also and I felt my face fall. "What do you think? I don't want to be a bother to you after this thing is over Anthony." I asked quietly. He really wanted this job. If I didn't improve my state of mind things would never go anything farther than where they are today, him barely being able to touch me. Did I want to stay here and put him through that when he would never be able to have me like he obviously wanted? Could I put myself through it?

"You wouldn't be bothering me or doing anything else to me. After this case is done I would love to patiently explore where this relationship between us could go, Brenna. However even if it doesn't go anywhere, you will always be welcome here. You are a friend Bren, to me and to Ryker." He smiled kindly.

I looked to Ryker, indecision lacing my words. "Can I think it over?" Oh, how I wanted to do this, but I needed to think about all the long standing consequences first.

"Sure. I know with the information we found out today you don't _need_ a job. On the other hand you strike me as the type that would want one. Coincidently I have become very fond of you in the last couple days, Darlin'. That's why I'm offering my home to become yours. I want you to be happy and you seem happy here. It's not your two room cabin but it is in the middle of nowhere with lots of horses to work with. I'll even agree to let you train any of my horses you think needs it!" He laughed jovially before winking at me.

"I'll let you know tomorrow?" I whispered, touched by his honest words.

"Sure thing." He patted my hand deliberately, making a show of reaching for me so I could steel my nerves. I don't think he saw the discernable flinch, then he was up and moving to the sink with his plate. "Leave the table extended for tomorrow's spaghetti night. I'm heading to bed. Night guys." And he was gone.

"You want to stay, don't you?" Anthony asked unobtrusively. I tilted my head in affirmation. "Then what is holding you back?"

'You! What if I can never give you what you want? What if I am damaged forever? I can't put you through that.' But I can't tell him that so I shrugged instead.

"It's me isn't it? You think if nothing happens between us it will make it difficult to stay?" I dropped my head to my arms on the table. How does he always do that?

"Yes." I whispered. "I know you want this job, Anthony. When you sit on a horse you ooze confidence and control. You practically glow with pride. The first night we came here, when you found me on Big Boy, I thought 'That's where he belongs, on that horse. Why is he a cop?' Since that night I have contemplated that question several times. Watching you around here with Ryker, the boys, the animals, I have to admit I'm stumped. So tell me Anthony, why are you a cop?" I needed to know this one answer, I don't know why but it was important and I had to have his response before I made my decision.

He took a deep breath then asked, "Can we go up to bed and talk about this? Same rules as always. I won't touch what you don't give permission for, but we need to be in private for this conversation please. It's not easy to admit and I don't need an audience sneaking in on us?" The look in his eyes and on his expressional face was the most serious I had seen him look since he stepped onto that train.

I stood and took our plates to the dish washer. After they are loaded I started it up and held my hand out to Anthony. "Let's go to bed, Anthony." He nervously followed me up the stairs.

### Chapter Fourteen

When we reach the hallway, Brenna told me she needed to change and would be with me in a moment. So I reluctantly left her at her door and entered my room alone. I changed into an old pair of pajama bottoms but opted to leave the shirt off tonight. If she seems to have a problem with it I'll put one on. I lay one across the chair just in case. I was dressed and sitting leaned against my head board when a gentle knock sounded on my door jam. I looked up to the doorway and she was standing there in a long flannel nightgown that covered most of her body. Her hands, feet, neck and head are all that are visible. And damn if it's not the sexiest thing I ever saw. She is trying to be demure and all I can think about is taking it off her.

I shook my head to dislodge that thought and looked up to meet her eyes. They were wide and slightly frightened, but there is something else there too. The same something I saw after I kissed her earlier? She hadn't moved from the door, as if she was frozen in place her hand was still in its knocking position.

"You want to come in?" Her eyes dropped to my bare chest as she stumbled forward a step then regained her composure and entered the room gracefully, closing the door all but a crack behind her. She still hasn't taken her eyes off my chest as she sat ever so slightly on the very edge of the bed. "Do you want me to put my shirt on? I took one out if you do, it's okay." I made to get up and she quickly shook her head.

"I've never seen.... Um..." She flushed crimson as her gaze met mine. "Sorry. It's fine." She scoots back on the bed a little more but doesn't look comfortable at all, she has her rigid back firmly to me, her knotted hands lightly rest in her lap deceivingly and I can see her crisscrossed legs tensing up every few seconds. We do this every night, the awkward pause before she gives in and gets close enough to me to let me comfort her.

"Brenna?" She turned just enough to see me in her peripheral vision. I patted the bed next to me and she hesitated before shaking her head slightly. "Brenna? I don't mind putting on a shirt." I made to get up again.

"No. Just give me a moment to get used to you.... Um.... almost naked." She whispered the last part like it was a very bad thing and I try my best not to laugh, I ended up snorting. She whipped her head around with an irritated look on her beautiful face.

"I'm sorry. You sounded like that was an awful thing to be. It's only a chest, Bren." Then just to see her reaction I added mischievously, "I can take the pants off to then I really will be almost naked." Her jaw hit the floor and she snapped it shut and swallowed hard.

"Honestly, Anthony, I don't know if you're joking or not, but I really want to discuss this move with you and it's very hard to concentrate with you in no shirt. No pants? I'd have to leave the room. I'm not ready for that yet." She took a deep breath and crawled up the bed to rest against the head board next to me. _Still_ not touching me.

"Yes, I was joking, Brenna." I chuckled. "I'm glad to know I give you the same problems you give me." I deliberately reached benignly over to the collar of her gown and finger the lace. "Definitely makes it hard for a man to concentrate." I let my hand fall down and away from her, not pressuring her to let me keep touching her.

"Huh? Its flannel and it covers almost every inch of me. I bought it just for the reason it wasn't flattering or distracting. I felt vulnerable in just your shirts, this way I'm......" She flushed scarlet once more. I don't think she meant to share that.

"You may think it's unflattering, however I don't think anything on you could be unflattering." I teased her with the honesty in the situation, she really would be beautiful in anything.

"Oh fine." She pouted prettily while she sat up rigidly in the bed and I had to chuckle softly. She was cute. "The job, Anthony? Why are you quitting your job?" She sounded exasperated as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the headboard beside me.

"Well first let me start by saying my dad was a Texas State Trooper, a highly decorated officer. My dream was to work on a ranch, my mother and father's dream was for me to follow my dad and be a cop. It didn't matter the department or state even, I was bred, born and trained to be a cop. When my father died I was twelve, he was on a routine traffic stop on a major highway. The car he pulled over was doing 75 in a 65. He proceeded to the window of the car, where the drug dealer behind the wheel pulled the trigger at point blank range delivering a bullet to his head. He died instantly. The guy was carrying 94.5 kilos of heroin and a concealed hand gun. He took off like a bat out of hell from the scene leaving my dad on the side of the road. Five miles up the road he hit a semi head on and was killed on impact." At her minor sob I paused. I had been staring at the ceiling unable to look at her while I explained, now I turned to face her.

"I'm sorry Anthony. How terrible. I know what it's like not to have a dad at all, but to have one then have him taken. How tragic for you." She had tears running down her face, for me. "I'm sorry, continue." She said while whipping at the constant stream of tears. I reached up cautiously and caressed her face with my fingers before whisking away the tears with my thumbs. She inhaled sharply, nonetheless she didn't flinch or pull away. Sliding my arm behind her shoulders I gently pulled her into the side of my body, diffidently she laid her head on my bare chest. She inhaled deeply, a shiver racking her body.

"You cold?" She buried her head in my chest and shook it, her ears were turning pink. Embarrassed? Of what? However I was enjoying the feel of her tucked into my body, if being embarrassed kept her there, I wouldn't question it.

"After my dad died I no longer had a choice what I was going to be, not like I had one with him alive either, however I had hope I could change their minds before the day came to get a job. After his death, my hope fled. I went to the academy immediately after graduation. By twenty I was a beat cop in Houston. I moved up quickly through the department, fellow officers said it was because of my dad, superiors said it was because I earned it. I got tired of the petty jealousy six years ago and took the detective job in Philly. I have hated every moment of my job since the day I started the academy. Nevertheless I went, participated and did my best, because that was what I was groomed to do my whole life. I lost my mom to a drunk driver two years ago, I have thought about quitting every day since the funeral. Last week I found a reason to stay in Philly. Today, I found a reason to leave it. That is if you decide to stay also. I want to know where this is going, Brenna. I really see this becoming something if you'll let it. If you will be just as patient with me as I try to be with you? I may forget some things from time to time but I am trying Bren." I could always keep my job in Philly if she decided to go back, the job would suck but I'd have her. Now the ball was in her court, let's see where she hits it to.

"You do great when I panic, Anthony. I would like the chance also....." She lifted her hand to her head rubbing her temple but she didn't continue the sentence.

"But? I hear a distinct but there." I didn't want excuses from her, I wanted the truth.

"But.... I'm afraid you will tire of the slowness, the patience you will need with me. For instance the scene in the kitchen tonight, I could have seriously hurt you and I didn't even realize I did it till you said something afterwards. I don't remember the knife at all, Anthony. What happens if you spook me and I have a hammer, or something equally dangerous, and hit you in the head or next time you aren't fast enough and I cut you?" She stopped and took a deep gulp of air. "I'm scared Anthony. I've been scared since I left my home in the woods. Scared of the city, the people, the transportation, madmen in trench coats, hospitals, men in general and I'm terrified you will give up on me and send me back there. This place has given me more safety, more assurance than anywhere I have been except my little cabin in the woods. I'm still scared here, but not like back in Philly. Here it's more of a getting to know the playing field scared. I think after I acclimate myself with all the boys I'll truly be okay here. By the same token what happens if I do grow comfortable and we decide it won't work? It'll be too painful to leave my new comfortable just to go back to the old panic, and to painful not to mention wrong, for you to leave your dream job. Then what?" She had spoken fast and to the point letting it all rush out. She curled into a ball against me and I wrapped my arms around her to hold her close as I answered her.

"You raise some good points. However let me point out relationships don't always work out. Some people work together in the same offices, the same rooms, the same store, bars, departments, split children even and still get along. I think we can be adult enough to be friends. Honestly, I don't think this is necessary. I am wrapped around your little finger Brenna Ward. Short of actually stabbing, maiming or shooting me, I don't think you will get away from me. No matter the patience it takes, I can wait for you."

If only I could just tell her I love her but after only a week and the things she has been through I don't think those words would comfort her. How the hell could I have fallen for this woman in one week? It seems impossible. My heart is screaming 'it is very possible moron!' If she says no.... I do not want to think like that!

"Okay." She let out a strained sigh. "We can try it. I have to warn you, it may be a while before you can touch and hold me without startling me. It may be even longer before anything other than kissing occurs, and even the kissing might take a while to get used to. I don't want you to come back in a month and say I told you I'd get there but be mad because I'm not there yet. Understand?"

"Bren, it could take you five years to be ready for more than kissing and I'll still be here. You have my word." I wrap my arms tighter around her and bury my head in her hair inhaling deeply. That's when it hit me why she blushed when she laid her head down on my chest. She inhaled my scent just as I do hers. A smile spread across my face as we slid down in bed. I reached over to turn off the side light before cuddling in with Brenna for the night.

'She's staying!' Was shrieking through my head as I drifted off to sleep.

****

I woke to a strange sensation under my hand. I haven't opened my eyes yet and I'm not sure I want to. I hear Anthony moan lightly as my fingers explored their surroundings. I could identify the flannel material of his pajama bottoms, however they aren't flat like they should be.

"Brenna? What ya doing?" He tried to keep his voice light, however I heard a tenseness to it that I've never heard from him. Against my better judgment I opened my eyes and I'm staring at it! Yes it's covered but.... My hand is lying on top of Anthony's man parts and he's....growing! I yanked my hand back quickly and tried to scoot backwards off the bed, Anthony doesn't let me run.

"Hey, it's ok." He wrapped his body around me tightly. Forcing my head, that rest against his chest and under his chin, to bend downward looking... at it! I slammed my eyes shut and gulp in deep breaths.

"I'm s-sorry. I d-didn't mean to. I woke up and my hand was there. I'm s-s-sorry." I have been embarrassed lots over the last week, but nothing like this. I think if my eyeballs could turn red they would. And of course the damn stutter is back!

"Brenna it's okay, it happens, nothing to be alarmed about." He rubs comforting circles on my back till my breathing slows. The fact that touching it _didn't_ scare me...scared me! It was the emotions that shot through my body that sincerely scared me. A slow burning deep in the pit of my belly surged to life as soon as I realized _what_ I was touching. A small spark of pride went through me when I realized the moan I heard from him was because I was touching him. Is that what it's like to give pleasure? To get it?

Curious now, I opened my eyes still staring down at his pants but they are no longer tight with his erection. Little Tony has run away quickly, a small huff of disappointment escapes me. I'm very inquisitive to see what one looks like, but I would never ask Anthony that. I'm sure that would be torture for him. A sly smile quirks my lips, might be fun though, a giggle burst out un-expectantly at the thought. I feel Anthony's chest moving and wondered how long he had been holding it in.

"It was kind of funny, wasn't it?" He asked shamelessly.

"As long as it doesn't hurt you, then yes it was." Before I know it we are both reclined back on the bed cracking up.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon. The tip of the sun that I could see was reminiscent of a dancing flame burning its way into our atmosphere in a glorious show of pink, red, orange and yellow fireworks. It was a miraculous sunrise. "Look at that." I whispered to Anthony, awestruck by the beauty.

He lifted his head and gasped. Suddenly he sat up and pulled me with him to our feet. Before I know what he is doing he's thrown open the french doors and drug me unto the balcony. He leaned down and speaks plainly close to my ear, he does not whisper. "I'm going to stand behind you. If it is too much tell me and I'll move." Before I have time to react to his words he's slowly slipped behind me and wrapped his arms around me, however they aren't around my waist, they are higher directly below my breast. He had me pulled in tight to him, his arms folded over each other, his hands holding each of his elbows. Effectively not touching me with his hands at all, only the length of his arms. He rested his chin on my head and we watch the sun rise over Texas. It was breathtaking.

"How are you doing?" He's lowered his mouth down close to my ear but was purposely, I think, not whispering in it, nor is he close enough for his breath to tickle the lobe. His voice was normal and it sets me even more at ease. The position was so far from how Jerk Face held me, it's comfortable and I told him as much.

"The way you're holding me, it's nothing like he did. Your hands or arms aren't at my waist, our legs aren't touching, and you didn't whisper into my ear, but spoke normally. This is fine. I'm still a little shaky, but much better than last night when you grabbed my waist. That's what set it off." I'm still watching the sun all though it had completely risen and was a vivid ball of flames in the sapphire sky.

"Thank you." He buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply. I smile knowing I did the same thing to him last night and oh, did he smell luscious. Leather, saddle soap, horse and that little extra spice that's all Anthony. Nothing had ever smelled better.

"For what?" I asked, I didn't do anything for a thank you.

"For telling me the truth and what I'm doing right or wrong. Now I can correct the wrong things for next time." He sounds so sympathetic and understanding. Do I really deserve this man?

"Next time?" I asked dropping my head back on his shoulder. My long hair isn't braided yet and sticks to his mildly hairy chest, just little sprinkles dusting over it.

"Of course. If I know what I'm doing wrong, I can make sure not to repeat it. Take last night, you said it was grabbing your waist. I'm also sure it was because you had no warning, I was just there, am I right?" I tentatively nodded. Where's he going with this? "Okay so say next time I give you the warning you need, also I don't grab your waist. I hold you like now or don't circle you in at all but let my hands drop to your immaculate legs?" He let his hands drop slowly not touching me till they reached my thighs, running his hands from the back of my thighs to the front, stopping only when both hands were flat on the tops of both legs. "How's that?" He asked in a seductive although not whispered voice.

My breathing has intensified from the sensual caresses his hands have just given my legs. Even through the thick flannel nightgown it's a sensual embrace. I seriously doubt my ability to speak without sounding like a chipmunk, so I gestured my acceptance with a measured nod.

"I'm going to bring my hands back up top, I will touch you, but only lightly. Ready?" A needy whimper escapes my mouth and I bite my lip hard to stop from all out moaning. I'm not sure Anthony understood what that sound meant because he stiffened slightly and hasn't moved a muscle in over a minute. "Brenna I need permission. Move back up slowly or pull away from you? I need to hear you say it." Now this was the thing about my insecurities. He needed to hear it and I was too embarrassed to give it.

Crap.

I bit my lip harder and nodded my head. Nope he's having none of that. "No Brenna. Talk or I step away from you. Yes or no?"

"Yes, please." My voice was barely an audible whisper. I felt him smile against my shoulder before his hands were on a leisurely stroll upwards. His fingertips trailed lightly over my hips, disappear completely at my waist and return millimeters above it. His hands twist as he climbed higher repositioning his fingers so they are sprawling out over my ribcage just under my breasts. He pushed his hands tantalizingly slow around to the front of my chest, his thumbs were protruding upward and just barely skim the bottom of both breasts. I inhaled sharply and held it there.

Oh My!

He continued his tantalizing journey around, his thumbs skimming the opposite breast as he brought his hands back to clamp down on his elbows. I have stiffened, I'm holding my breath, I'm bright crimson not from holding my breath, and everywhere his fingers touched were sizzling with heat.

"Do you feel it Brenna? Breathe, Honey." I'm so caught up in my reaction to him I don't even respond to the endearment. He released his right hand and cautiously moved it downward towards my belly. "I'm going to touch you here." He took one finger and pressed directly above where my pubic hair starts. "The whole hand, ready?" I nodded, my voice has gone AWOL. He pressed his hand palm flat, his pinky resting where the hair begins to descend, firmly and continuously he applied force. "Do you feel the pressure here? The building inside you?" Sensually he skimmed the thumb on his left hand under my right breast. Fireworks sparkled to life under his palm. I gasped for air, unable to slow the breathing that was now erratic and racing with his simple touch. "You still with me, honey? Do you want me to stop now?"

"Yes.... N-no, please...." I moan. Knowingly he cups my breast firmly in his left hand. He gently squeezed and caressed it through my gown. He has not touched any of my skin, only through the fabric of my gown. I believe this is why I can stand it, he hasn't gotten to a point in my head I couldn't say no. Skin means the final leg of the race and no more chances to back out. Clothes? Clothes still give me a chance to run the opposite way from the finish line.

The thought crosses my mind that I was fully clothed with Jerk Face, but on the tail end of that thought is a flash of Jerk Faces hand on my bare backside, not so clothed after all.

He captured my nipple between his thumb and index finger, applied pressure, twisted and gently pulled, my negative thoughts fled instantaneously.

I moaned, _loudly_.

He repeated the action several more times before gracefully switching hands and took my left breast in his right hand caressing it, worshiping it, he pinched it in the same way and pulled as he applied continuous pressure to my belly encouraging me to feel the intense pleasure building there.

I moaned even louder than before, however I don't give a care who hears me!

His hand briefly left my breast to whisk the hair off my shoulder giving him access to my neck. He trailed light kisses the length of my neck up to my ear. His breath skimmed across my lobe and I'm thrown back solidly to the train.

I felt Anthony's arms latch back together under my breast holding me tight and close. One problem, I can feel his erection on my rear. Images of Jerk Face pressing into me assault me, overwhelming my senses completely.

"No. No. N-no. turn... need..... turn....." My hands were between us trying to push his erection away from me. I skimmed it with my fingers and fought harder. "T-turn me around!" I finally managed to shout. Instantly my cheek is against his bare chest and I'm wrapped in his arms. He was stooping slightly, I think to keep from touching me with his man parts or to keep me from hitting them, I'm not sure which. Slowly my breathing returned to normal, my legs were weak and shaky, only Anthony's arms were holding me up.

"I'm going to pick you up and take you to bed." I feel myself stiffen and he chuckled lightly. "No Brenna. So you can sit down before we both fall down. Alright?" I nodded sharply. "He's still hard. I will make this fast for you." Before I could protest I'm up and we were almost to the bed. I did feel him against my side but he is nowhere near the size he was a little while ago. He was shrinking, but not fast enough. He sat me on the end of the bed and stepped back one step. "Better?" He asked, worry lacing his voice.

"Yes, thank you. I-I'm s-s-sorry." I stuttered out.

"Naw. Nothing to be sorry for, it was foolish of me to push you. Can I ask what spooked you?" His voice was low and sincere. He was kneeling in front of me trying to get me to look him in the eye. I couldn't.

What did he say earlier? If he knows he can try not to repeat it.

Okay, here goes nothing.

"Your b-breath on my ear and the f-feel of....." I pointed to his open thighs and whisper "him." I closed my eyes and breathed deep. "It was pressing against my backside." I shuddered with the words as I opened my eyes and met his. They are deep pools of abysmal oceans, seriousness, concern and something else buried deep, arousal maybe? I've seen it before but I can't remember when.

"Okay. Now I know." He said matter-of-factly. "How about breakfast? You up for that? I am." His smile is his brilliant heartbreaker smile and I'm lost in this miraculous man. Could, no, _would_ another man have stopped because a simple panic attack? Or would they have dismissed it and carried on? Maybe waited for me to finish panicking only to begin again? Not Anthony. He had no pleasure out of that experience at all, was left wanting, with no relief in sight from me. Still he stopped to take care of me, he stopped to make sure I was okay, he _stayed_ stopped because he knew I couldn't handle more.

Such a patient wonderful man. I have the same reoccurring thought 'Why is this man single?'

****

I left Brenna at her room to get ready for the day and returned back to mine and headed straight for an ice cold shower. Alright, so when I told Brenna about hard-ons I made it sound like he went up or down fairly quickly. I lied! Frankly the up and down of this roller-coaster ride was beginning to become extremely painful without release.

My job isn't a ladies magnet, even if the movies make it out to be, I haven't had sex in way too long. Touching Brenna that way set my libido on fire. I wanted her, desperately. I would have to wait for sex, but maybe I could find release in the shower on my own. It was worth a try at this point.

As I stripped my door came open and in walked Brenna, still in her gown. I'm standing in the middle of the room completely naked, raging hard-on out for all to see. I don't want to rush to hide myself and chance spooking her more, but I'm not sure if she is ready for a full frontal either. I stepped back over to my pants and reached down to grab them.

"Wait." Came her hesitant voice. I look up startled, wait for what? She silently closed the door and marched stiffly toward me.

"Um.. Brenna. I should put my pants on." She's not taken her eyes off my erection since she closed the door. I'm not embarrassed by the nudity but her eyes burning a hole through me was not helping matters. At all.

Hesitantly she lifted her eyes to mine. "May I um.....just see it?" She cocked her head with the curious innocence of a child. A twenty-four year old innocent child who was seriously turning me on. I closed my eyes and inhaled raggedly. "It's ok Tony, I can go." Tony? She's never called me that.

"Yes." I said on the exhale, it came out sharper than I had meant. Softening my voice I added, "You can see. May I ask why first?"

"Curiosity? F-fear? Need to know that it won't h-hurt me? I'm n-not sure?" She spoke hesitantly, her stutter returning, and so extremely soft I had to strain to hear her.

"Alright. Can I ask that we make show and tale fast because this isn't helping my situation any." I gave her my lopsided smile and she giggled softly, her eyes dancing with excitement.

"Scouts honor, only a minute." Her smile is sweet and full of promises she can't fulfill yet.

"Go ahead." I waved my hand towards my erection, clasped my hands behind my back to keep from touching her and resign myself to further torture. She fell to her knees in front of me and looked at my most valued body part. The sight of her in that position sent the blood rushing not only through my member but my ears, the pounding in my head mounting louder as she very carefully scrutinized him. She hesitantly lifted her hand and touched the tip with her index finger. It jerked and so did she.

"Oh. Sorry!" She quickly looked up at me. Her eyes were wide and full of wonder, she is killing me. "It's soft, but hard. Fascinating!" She reached out again and ran her finger down the total length of my shaft. I inhaled sharply from her touch. "Does that hurt you?" She whispered.

"The opposite, Honey." She flinched slightly, but was too enthralled with my member to worry about it.

"Like this?" She ran her finger down it again, swirling it around the tip this time. A strangled moan escaped me. "How?" She is looking at me with bright shiny luminous green eyes, her face holds captivation and curiosity. I have no clue what she's asking me.

"How what?" My voice is husky and breathless. I blink a couple times to bring her in focus as she trailed her finger down its length once more. Her soft innocent touches were going to be my undoing. I can't take much more of this before I embarrass us both.

"How am I supposed to touch him?" She cocked her head from one side to the other, like she is trying to find an answer to a puzzle but is missing an important piece. Her face returns to mine, her bottom lip is tucked firmly in her teeth making him harden more, if that is even possible. "I don't care what you say, Little Tony can't be making Big Tony at all comfortable. Let me help you with that. This doesn't bother me. I never saw..." She just waved her hand. "If you would like me to, I can.....I mean...with my hand.....I...um... That can be done right?" I couldn't answer her. I was speechless. Totally, completely, astounded to stupidity. Was she really offering to give me a hand job? "Big Tony? Yes or no? You have to talk to me. Oh and show me how." She smiled sweetly at me as she threw my words back at me, no wonder she takes a while to answer. That's not the smile you want staring up at you when the girl behind that sweet smile just offered you a hand job. "Okay, I'll leave now." She had made it all the way to her feet before I found my voice and gathered her into my arms.

"Whoa. Are you sure you want to do this, Brenna? One hundred and ten percent positive?" I was holding her to me tightly hoping my erection in her belly didn't scare her off, but I needed her word she was okay with this, we were making progress, I didn't want to start over.

"I don't mind, Anthony. As I said, this," She leaned back and pointed towards my raging hard-on, "doesn't bother me. I had no contact beside....you know..... If it will help you out?" She meets my gaze. "Yes, I will do it for you. However as I said you will have to show me what to do." She shrugs nonchalantly like it's no big deal. That was all the reassurance I needed. I picked her up and tossed her on the bed and held up one finger. I practically sprinted to the bedroom door and locked it, then to the french doors to lock them and shut the curtains.

Returning to the bed I crawled up past Brenna to the headboard then patted the bed beside me. "Come. Lay beside me." She quickly did as I said, excitement pouring off of her, I shook my head amazed. I would have never placed us in this position, well at least not for a while anyway.

"Give me your hand." I spoke softly still contemplating whether this was a smart thing to do or not. Nonetheless she eagerly supplied her hand.

"Watch first." I whispered. I had never done this in front of a woman, but I would brave it out if she was going to. I grabbed my shaft and she turned crimson. I began pumping up and down, she stopped breathing. I guided her hand and placed it over mine so she'd get the rhythm, she started panting. I removed my hand from under hers and placed it on top instead, she let out a small moan. I squeezed to get her to tighten her grip, I let out a small moan. I let go and let her do it on her own, I moaned louder. She stayed at the rhythm I set for a few minutes before her confidence grew and she started pumping faster.

I tried to hold my hips still not wanting to throw off her rhythm or make her stop. The faster she pumped the more sanity slipped from my control. I was so close I needed to warn her, if she's never seen a man, she's never seen ejaculation, and it can get messy.

"Brenna...awww...." Slipped out instead.

****

The look of bliss on Anthony's face was earthshattering.

He kept moaning and moving his hips haltingly. A few times he even whispered my name. I felt powerful, bringing him to the brink of collapse, the point of no return. His erection was harder than I expected and seemed to be getting firmer in my grasp. Yet the skin was silky smooth, sliding perfectly in my hand.

A small bead of moisture coated the tip, I wiped it away with my thumb and he groaned loudly. I found the faster I went the more he lost control, the more noise he made. If I flicked my thumb over the end every few strokes to catch the moisture, his moans became louder, his breathing harsher. He was panting, his hips were undulating to the rhythm of my hand. I believe he was extremely close to breaking. A wide smile graced my lips knowing it was me doing this to him, giving him this pleasure.

"Brenna.... Don't point...it towards....your face." He panted out. "Messy! Argggg!" I carefully pointed it towards the wall beside the bed not sure what to expect, keeping up the rhythm and watching it with captivation. How is this messy?

All of a sudden his whole body stiffened, his hips jerked hard in my hand and he threw his head back and moaned loudly. A murky white liquid squirted out of the end. Fascinating! I gently laid my head on his chest keeping Little Tony pointed away from me, especially now that I knew why, but kept pumping my hand slowly until it stopped...spitting? Shooting? Leaking?

As his body started to relax he wrapped his arms around me lightly. I felt his body shudder a few more times before he lay completely sated on the bed beside me. His erection immediately started going away and I let go cautiously, not wanting to hurt him now.

"How was that?" I whispered anxiously.

"Better than anything I can remember." He tightened his arms around me and tipped his nose down into my hair, inhaling deeply. "You smell like vanilla, roses and..." He smelt my hair again. "Pumpkin pie? Lovely." I giggled. No one has ever told me I smelt good.

"The vanilla and roses are my shampoo and body lotion. I don't know about the pumpkin pie. I haven't cooked any and I don't use that fragrance."

"Must be it's your natural scent." He gives me a lazy smile. I swear his whole body felt like a limp noodle, I glanced down to it, by the looks of him I really do mean whole body! It wasn't hard anymore and it was nowhere as big either. The size scared me at first but after I felt it with my hand it wasn't so bad.

All of a sudden pounding sounded from his door. I jumped out of the bed and was across to the french doors trying to unlock them before Anthony could speak. "Yeah?"

"Hey, Tony? You need to come out and play! I have work to show you if you are going to take this job!" Humor and an underlying aggravation were in Ryker's voice.

"Be out in a minute! Go away Ryker!" His tension filled laughter drifted off down the hallway with his retreating footsteps. Anthony looked at me, I looked at him, and we cracked up! "You better go on to your room before he comes back and breaks down the door." He stood up and walked gloriously naked over to stand in front of me. His body wasn't scary anymore, I knew what to expect now. He leaned down slowly making his intentions clear. He stopped a hairs width above my lips, I met him there.

We kissed till we were both breathless, panting for oxygen. "Can I ask you something?" I whispered after I could breathe again.

"Anything, Honey." I flinched, but barely. I would get this.

"After you um... finished? Um.. you were so relaxed. Is that how it's supposed to be?" I could feel the heat creeping up my face. He cupped my right cheek in his hand and tilted my eyes up to meet his.

"Yes Brenna. That's how it is supposed to be. Maybe next time, you will let me pleasure you in a similar way." My eyes widened. "No sex." He reassured me quickly. "Just a little foreplay, like today, that's all. If you get spooked, no big deal. We tried, we failed, we try again another way if that's what you want."

"I might be able to do that if we were in that position," I pointed to the bed we had just vacated, "I won't be reminded as easily?" I searched his eyes and saw triumph flare in them. He wanted to touch me the same way I touched him. "You want that don't you?" I asked diffidently.

He cocked his head to the side and asked innocently, "Want what?"

"To touch me like I did you? To make me feel like....that." Once more I pointed to the bed. A wicked smile spread across his face.

"More than you can imagine. I want to show you the joy our bodies can bring each other. I want to show you pleasure so crippling that you beg to be tortured more. However I want you to want me to touch you like that." It's his turn to point to the bed, which is childish on both our parts but he sensed it's easier for me to gesture than to actually say the words so he goes along with me. "Although I'll only take what you will give me Brenna, nothing more." His deep blue eyes held sincerity and desire. He spoke the absolute truth, he would not force me into anything.

"Very well, I say we try tonight. No promises. No sex." His eyes softened at my bold statement.

"Brenna, don't let me push you. Thank you for what you did for me today, but it wasn't a necessity. I won't force you or do anything that makes me feel like I coerced you into to it."

"You haven't. I want to feel like _that_." I pointed to the bed then to him. "I want to know that joy and desire I saw in your eyes, the pleasure I saw in your body. Well I want to try anyway. Please?" I didn't want to beg, but I wanted him to know I was serious.

"Okay. We'll talk again tonight, if you still feel the same, we'll try. That's the best I can do." I nodded with a triumphant smile. "Now go get dressed before Ryker comes back!"

Giggling I left the room happier that I had the last time.

**

The day went by slowly after the mornings awe inspiring lessons. I had my sauce in four crock pots –-Can you believe Ryker _had_ four crock pots?— some simmering with meatballs, some with mushrooms and olives one had jalapeño's in it to add a little spice and the smaller pot was only sauce. I confronted Trystin about why he didn't eat his meal but pushed it around his plate last night and found out he has food allergies. He can't have the extras that I bought to go in the sauce, so that one pot was special just for him. He doesn't want anyone to know, so as far as everyone else is concerned, he doesn't like it that way. Anthony gave me a hard time about it earlier saying I had a soft spot for him. I didn't deny it.

I decided I wanted to try to saddle Big Boy today, I have ridden him several times bare back but never with a saddle. I meandered my way out to the barn to gather what I need, when I realize I didn't know which saddle to use. Some men are very picky about their saddle, therefore I needed to find Ryker or Anthony. I casually walked out of the barn in search of one of them. Behind the barn is a large wooden planked round pin for training horses, Anthony is standing in the middle of it leading Rosey in circles. I leaned against the pin to watch.

Watching him work with the horse is spellbinding, the way his muscles move and strain make strange effects ripple inside my body. I laid my hands on my arms and remembered touching him this morning. He was a very large man everywhere. Even if sex hadn't already scared me, it might after seeing his size. How is _that_ supposed to go _there_? I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts, they wouldn't help me any.

I'm once again thrown back to the age old question I have been asking since I met this man. 'Why is he single?' He is kind and so patient with me. Not wanting to do anything to push me or even make me feel like he's pushing me. I'm not worldly or anything but I'm sure most men wouldn't be that way. I know without a doubt I'm falling for this man with no way to stop it. He is protecting me. He is not my boyfriend, he isn't even my lover. He is just a patient man helping me cope with a horrible event in my life. My heart crumples a little when I realize he's doing this because he feels sorry for me. A single tear runs down my cheek.

"Ahem." Someone clearing their throat behind me startled me. I wiped my eyes and turned quickly, fear heightening my actions. Ryker stood a safe distance away from me. "Morning Darlin'. What's got you so down in the mouth?" I shook my head and leaned on the fence not turning my back to him. "I'm gonna stand beside you there and lean on the fence. I'll keep my distance." He walked forward not waiting for my reply.

I followed him, turning my whole body as I tracked his movements. When he finally leans on the fence I falsely relax with my elbow on the second plank down and stare at him. "He's always been good at that." He tilted his head towards Anthony.

I glanced over my shoulder rapidly. "Y-yes he is v-very good at i-it." I hate that stutter. I gritted my teeth in aggravation and my hands curled into fists.

"Yeah, I've noticed you do that when you are upset or frightened. Almost always when I'm around also. You know I won't hurt you, right?" I nodded, embarrassed. "Okay, as long as you know. How long have you stuttered or is this a new thing?"

I blew out an exasperated sigh and decided to tell him. "I stuttered c-constantly till I was s-six."

"What made you stop at six?" Was he curious or just keeping conversation?

"A horse, w-what else?" I smiled a small smile remembering my first mare, Daisy.

"Of course. Had to be a horse." He laughed. "Well? Tell me about this amazing stutter stopping horse." He chided me.

"My G-granny thought I was too lonely with no pets but the chickens, which all had names by the way, and we had no other visitors but her. A d-dog or c-cat would have been something we had to feed that didn't do much to earn its k-keep, so she brought out two horses. The land was big enough we c-could use them for several things including helping with the g-gardening. I taught mine to pull a c-cart for the vegetables within a week. G-granny thought it was amazing. She praised me for it greatly." I smiled, remembering how Granny thought I was talented with the horses even then. "I would sit and talk to the horses for hours and one d-day as I talked I realized I didn't stutter one bit with the horses. I was five when she b-brought them out, by six the stutter was gone unless I was stressed or scared."

"And has it only returned since this happened?" Nosey much? But I was living in his home, sharing his life. I answered.

"N-no. The day I b-buried my mother a lawyer for some hot shot person in town, O'Riley, I believe was the family's name, came to the house and t-told me I had to be out by the following day at noon. The house was there for only my m-mother's use, not m-mine. I stuttered for two days straight then, almost e-every word." I sighed remembering how distraught I was to have to leave my safety. "As I moved into the city and got s-settled I still did it with just about everyone I spoke to, but I got b-better and had almost gotten over it." I had turned slightly and had Anthony in my sights. Geez, he was a gorgeous man. He looked my way and I blushed and returned my gaze to Ryker in time to see him smiling big. "What?"

"Oh, nothing Darlin'." He laughed. "You like him a lot don't ya?" All I could do is nod as my gaze slid back to Anthony. "He's a good guy, Brenna. He wouldn't make you do anything you aren't ready for."

I sighed a heavy sigh. Here goes nothing. "B-but would he do what he has b-been doing only out of p-pity? Some sense that he had to b-because he's the only man I let near me, R-ryker?" I couldn't look at him, shame was causing my face to flare red.

"No ma'am. He does not pity you. That boy is head over heels for you. I could see it the first night when he threatened to knock my block off for scaring you away." His voice held sincerity. I took a chance and looked to him and his amber eyes blazed at me, anger, frustration even hatred lurked in their depths. I took a quick step back.

"I-I'm s-sorry! I d-didn't m-mean to u-upset you." Another step but I was flat against the pin now, trapped.

"Whoa Darlin', what upsets me is this maniac making you feel this way. You are a good person, Brenna. No one here will pity you, feel sorry for you, or anything else negative. I am not angry at you. I'm angry at how someone could possibly hurt a person as kind and caring as you." He blew out a deep breath. "I'm sorry if I scared you. Did you need something or were you just out here enjoying the scenery?" He tipped his head in Anthony's direction and plastered his relaxed smile back on his face.

"Actually y-yes, I wanted to try and saddle B-big B-boy and d-didn't know which s-saddle to use." I refused to meet his eyes not wanting to see what was in them.

"Use Trystin's. It should fit you and he won't mind. It has his name branded in the stir-ups. Can't miss it. And Brenna, Tony will take his time showing you what you need to know about love and friendship. He will not rush you and he will not be rushed. Sit back and enjoy the ride, Darlin'. I tell you, that boy is in love with you." He winked at me and left. I took one last look at the man behind me and went back to the barn.

He's in love with me? That can't be. I've barely known him a week! I put the thought to the side not wanting to dwell on something he obviously was wrong about and prepare to ride Big Boy.

I gathered the tack and made my way to the pasture. I flung the saddle over the fence before climbing over to the pasture where Big Boy stood looking at me. He looked at the saddle then shook his head once and stomped his foot. Crap. He wasn't going to like this.

"Come on you big baby. It's just a saddle!" He stepped back and shook his head again. If a horse could look serious then that's how I imagine the expression on his face was meant to be, dead serious. I walked closer to him and he stepped back. "I don't have the saddle with me, I just want to talk Big Boy." He snorted at me. I swear he was saying 'yeah right and I don't eat oats!'

"Seriously? What is wrong with the saddle?" I met his eyes as pain flashed across his face. I saw a flash of him standing in an arena at a rodeo. There was a saddle strapped to his back with blood dripping from the leather. I shook my head in horror. "I see. Not a good experience with the saddle then, huh? Okay, Big Boy. We can wait for a while to try that out." He stomped and violently shook his head. "Okay, maybe we won't try at all." I smiled and he neighed at me. 'Deal!' Is what I imagined that meant. "How about a little bareback then?"

He instantly kneeled for me to mount him. "My stitches are all better now so let's run, huh?" We took off across the pasture at a flat out run. Man was he fast! After an hour in the small pasture we set out for grander adventures further in the ranch's large space. I passed Ryker and Anthony in a side pasture as we flew across the fields. I waved and laughed loudly at their stunned faces. Now this was fun!

### Chapter Fifteen

When Brenna flew past on Big Boy my heart leapt into my chest. She was beautiful, her auburn braid strung out behind her, racing through the field on the back of that spectacular beast.

"Damn that horse is fast!" I exclaimed as they flew by us, Brenna's laughter splitting the air. Ryker shook his head still in disbelief.

"But only for her." He smiled at me. "I should give her the damn horse." Ryker said staring after Brenna and her stallion.

"Might as well, no one else can ride him. He's lovesick for her." I grinned and went back to pulling out the supplies from the back of the truck to fix the fence we were standing by.

"Like someone else I know." He raised an eyebrow to me in question.

"What?" I busied myself with the fence. I did _not_ want to answer Ryker's questions. After his little show this morning I knew it was only a matter of time before the cross examination began.

"Well, let's see, I saw you on the balcony." My head snapped up and I narrowed my eyes at him. Note to self: no more balconies. "Then not long later I saw you butt ass naked closing curtains in your room. Hmmm? What does that usually entail? Something we said you weren't going to do with her!" Aww shit! Ryker wasn't amused. Ryker was mad!

"Not that it's any of your business but on the balcony we tried a little experiment. That ended badly, I might add." I huffed out a breath thinking of touching her succulent breasts. The weight of them filling my palm. I shook my head and glanced at Ryker, he was glaring at me.

"And the curtains? Did you go in to finish your badly exercised experiment?" Oh heaven forbid! He was not going to let this drop.

"It's none of your business Ryker!"

He stood to his full height and shouted "Yes it is! If you rush her and damage her more I will kick your ass all over this ranch, Tony!" Well that took the wind out of my sails.

"Okay fine! You wanna know what happened? On the balcony it was a little touchy feely till I breathed on her ear and my dick pressed against her backside. It sent her into a panic attack. I calmed her down, made her laugh, made sure she was okay, and walked her to her room to get dressed. I was stripping in my room alone when she comes barging in while I'm naked. I try to get dressed but no! She wants to see! So after I asked why? I let her. He is still hard from the balcony and she starts touching, which leads to her asking about hand jobs and then performing one even though I practically begged her to _go away_!" I flopped my ass on the ground and put my head in my hands. "Happy now? I didn't want it, but hell! I couldn't tell her no anymore. And I did try to!" I looked up at Ryker who was trying his damndest not to laugh.

"You told her no?" He snorted then lost it. Big belly buckling laughter. After a few seconds I couldn't help but to join him. "You really told her no?" He was still busting a gut but was trying to calm. I just nodded through my laughter. "So how'd she do?" He busted up again, I wasn't laughing anymore.

"None of your damn business, Ryker! Let's fix the damn fence!" I went back to work and eventually Ryker joined me.

It seemed like hours had passed before Brenna returned, I saw her at a distance moving in a steady clip straight for us. When she got close enough she started shouting our names and waving her hands, panic was evident in her form even before she reached us. I ran to meet her, Ryker on my heels.

"What's wrong, Honey?" She was too busy trying to breath to flinch. Ryker didn't miss the endearment and lifted an eyebrow at me.

"Horse....trapped.... pregnant....need help!...." She was sucking in breath and panting. She was also covered in mud. Her hair looked like a rope she had dipped it in a mud bath.

"Let us get some horses and men. Meet us at the stables. Go slow so you can explain when you get there. We'll have to saddle them so you have time." She nodded vigorously and rode off full tilt to the barn, "Is that slow?!" Ryker shouted after her.

"Considering how fast she sped by here earlier, yes it is." We jumped in the truck and hauled ass to the barn. When we got there Brenna had beat us, she had Trystin, Noah, Talan, Greyson, Brody and Kellen saddling horses. She was downing a coke, still sitting on Big Boy and Kendrick was standing beside her with two more cans of soda ready.

"Put those in Anthony's saddle bag please. Big Boy opposes saddles. Don't you, boy?" The smartass horse nodded his head in agreement with her. "Okay now that everyone's here. There is a very pregnant mare stuck in a creek, ravine, ditch, old pond? I don't know, but it's deep, it's muddy and she is not coming out on her own. So bring rope, a halter, a lead rope or two.... Ryker? Anything else?" She deferred the rest of the planning to him. Smart girl.

"Put water in your saddle bags, enough for you and if we need to hydrate a horse. Bring flash lights in case it gets dark, someone grab a radio, cells don't work in the direction she came from. Grab four shovels, we might have to dig her out. Mount up." Brenna beamed at him, then me.

"Kendrick can you go turn all the crock pots in the kitchen on low so our supper doesn't burn? Oh and keep a radio on you in case we need something, you can be our go-between." She gave him a super sweet smile and he just melted.

"Yes Ma'am. On my way now." He limped out of the barn. Brenna rode up to me.

"He was upset because he didn't get to go with his bruised ribs and concussion. So I figured I'd keep him busy. I gave him a few other chores too. I hope Ryker doesn't mind." Her voice is full of concern for both Kendrick and what Ryker might say about her taking charge.

"Nope, he don't mind as long as that boy is safe." Ryker said riding up behind her. "You ready to show us this horse?" He smiled a brotherly smile for her and patted her on the back. She stiffened, he ignored it, she got over it fast.

"Yep. Let's go save a horse! This way y'all!" She giggled as all the men laughed at her fake, and horribly rendered, accent.

****

I had to stop several times for the boys to catch up to me. Big Boy could fly! It took almost an hour for all of us to get back to the mare. When Big Boy and I came this way we weren't paying much attention, we were only running. On the way back I was frantic and only noticed enough landmarks to get back, so I knew where I was but it was sketchy. At one point Ryker made me stop and swore in his loudest scariest voice, I had to be lost.

"Brenna there isn't anywhere to get stuck, for what it matters, there aren't any horses back this far. You have to be wrong!" His continuously relaxed mood around me had left the building. We were back to shouting now. Just like the day I insisted on paying. He scared the daylights out of me this way!

"Ryker I know where I'm going." I insisted in a firm voice. "See that tree over there? The way it hangs reminded me of a dinosaur. See the branch sticking up for a head? You can even see a snout with its mouth gaping open, the leaves look like sharp teeth and the two branches growing out for arms? It looks like he's reaching for his prey. It's a Tree-Rex!" I giggled, some of the men laughed, Ryker just looked annoyed. With an exasperated sigh I rushed on. "Then further up and to the right there is going to be a few small rocks jutting up out of the ground that form the shape of a diamond. Then even further up and a lot closer to our goal is a perfect ring of mushrooms!" I smiled proudly at him. I was determined not to let him scare me, well at least not let him see me scared! "If I'm wrong you don't ever have to pay me to cook for you! I'll do it for free!" I smiled brightly at the men who were circling our little party of two and nudged Big Boy into a trot. They now sat mounted on various horses gapping at me as I rode on.

"Tree's shaped like dinosaurs, rock diamonds and shroom rings? That's what we are being led by?" I heard Ryker's voice boom behind me.

"Yes, Sir! So keep up! Wouldn't want you lost, Darling!" I tossed this over my shoulder. Not wanting to see the reaction from him, I coaxed Big Boy faster and left them behind, laughter bubbling out of me. Yes I had to wait on them again later, but it was worth it.

As we passed each landmark I casually yelled out "Hey Ryker, look at that!" I'd hear him grumble behind me. Once I think he said "Damn Woman!" I laughed my rear off effectively slowing Big Boy for the others to keep pace.

We had just passed the 'shroom ring' and were closing in on her when I heard a small whinny and knew I was right! "Over here! Hurry up boys!" I took off ahead of them. At the edge of the depression in the earth I dismounted and jumped down into the mud with the mare. All four feet were buried knee deep in a mess of drying, hard red clay and dark gumbo. Texas soil was not forgiving.

"Where the hell did this hole come from?" Ryker bellowed from above.

"I've never been out this way Boss. We don't have livestock out here yet." Noah said. All the other men chimed in with their same sentiments.

I craned my neck to see Ryker above me. He had his hand on his chin rubbing his index finger over his lips. "Come to think of it, neither have I. So why is she out here? Noah, wasn't she in the lower field with the other pregnant mares?"

"Ryker! Figure it out later!" He looked at me shocked. I looked anywhere but at him and noticed the men were still mounted. "Get your handsome behinds off those beautiful animals and get down here and get dirty with me!" Every man stopped moving. Anthony's face was priceless! Then it dawned on me what I said... My mouth popped open and I was beet red. "No! You are sick, sick, sick men! Help her NOW!" Laughter erupted and a flurry of activity began.

They were going to try to drag her out first. While they attached ropes I sat and talked to her. "It's ok mommy. We are going to get you and the foal out of here." She softly neighed and her tongue lolled to the side a little. "Water! She needs water!" Someone tossed me a bottle and I removed the cap quickly and tossed it up to the ledge, pegging Ryker in the back. I quickly turned back around. Opps!

"You're poking a bear, Darlin'!" I wisely chose to ignore him.

I used my left hand and brought all my fingertips together then proceeded to open them up like a mouth, thumb moving away from the fingers. The mare followed my lead, opening her mouth wide. I placed the bottle in her mouth and shut my fingers, she closed her mouth. I tipped her head back and she swallowed greedily as the cool liquid ran down her throat.

"Ryker! What's her name?"

"Suzy Cue." He grunted out as he tied a rope under her front legs. The horse nodded at hearing her name.

"Suzy Cue, huh? That's cute. How did you get in here Suzy Cue?" I locked eyes with the horse and saw a flash of water bubbling on the surface of the ground. Suzy walked up to get a much needed drink and the earth fell out from under her, leaving her in this hole, sunk in water to her pregnant belly. My vision took on a fast forward effect, and the water receded out, sucked up by the overly dry land surrounding it, leaving Suzy sunk knee deep in the drying mess that was left.

"Brenna!" Anthony calling, well shouting really, my name brought me back to the present. I shook my head and looked around. As has become the normal around here, I was center of attention. He knelt down in the mud beside me and cupped my face gently. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah." I shrugged. "Sorry, just zoned out for a minute." Why was I always three shade of foolish around these men?

"They're ready to try." I looked down at Suzy and saw the fear in her eyes.

"Okay, give me a minute with her." He nodded and stepped back. "Alright now, Suzy Cue, we are going to try and get you out of here. So hang in there with us. Okay sweetheart?" The mare nodded her head and let a small helpless whinny out. I backed up to where I was still in her vision but out of the men's way. "Go." I didn't have to tell them twice.

Kellen and Greyson were mounted with the ropes around the horns of their saddles. Slow and steady they walked forward pulling the ropes taut. Then straining them to try to release her from the suction the mud had on her feet. It didn't work. Several attempts were futile. Suzy started writhing and screaming in her stuck position.

"Stop! Stop it!" I turned to Ryker and screamed. "Find another way!" Then I ran back to Suzy's side. She locked eyes with me and pictures flew through my mind. "Shit!" I stopped momentarily and threw my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide. I met Anthony's gaze and knew he realized also that I had just said my first curse word, ever! I didn't have time to think on it now. I had foal to save.

****

Brenna's face was hilarious, it was almost like she was expecting someone to scold her for saying shit. The moment passed quickly though as she sprang into action. We all just stood back and watched. This had been Brenna's show from the moment she found the mare.

She jumped up and ran to the back of the horse shouting orders. Shy little Brenna was gone. "Kellen grab her head! Hold her so I can see her eyes. Trystin bring me water. All the bottles that are left pile them here." She pointed to the ground next to her. "Ryker, Anthony stay close I'm going to need you soon. Kellen! Eyes to me!" She snapped out. He jumped down and did her bidding. Trystin already had a pile of water started next to her. He had already learned not to doubt Brenna when a horse was concerned. "Ok Suzy. You are going to have to help me here. Let's get these foals out of there." As she worked she was oblivious to the rest of us. She kept eye contact with the horse never even looking down to see what she was doing.

"Did she say _'these foals'_?" Ryker whispered in my ear.

"Yes she did." What difference did that make?

"How does she know there are two?" He cocked his head slightly looking at Brenna in a new way.

" _Is_ there two, Ryker?" I turned to outright stare at the man. Why hadn't he said something sooner?

"I've had my suspicions, but nothing has been confirmed yet, the results are due in this week and she's not due for another couple weeks." He was deep in thought and his answer was spoken almost dreamily.

I straightened back up to watch this amazing woman work. She had her hands inside the horse, it looked like she was turning the foal.

"Trystin, water." This wasn't the first bottle he had poured for her, so he repeated the last instructions she gave him and poured it over her arms as she pulled them gently out. She was staring at the horse's eyes with such intensity one would think she was mentally talking to it. "Okay Suzy. She's around, let's bring her out." The horse nodded, barely. She was tired, muddy, and still stuck knee deep in mud. Now she was giving birth, possibly to twins. Brenna pulled steadily and the first filly was born. "Ryker! Take her. I have to get the other one out before I lose her!" She passed it right on back to his waiting hands never taking her gaze from the horse.

"Stay with me Suzy!" Brenna shouted making my attention shift from the filly back to her, the mare had shut her eyes. "Kellen shake her. Wake her up!" When he hesitated she screamed, "Now, damn it!" He quickly shook the horses head. Her eyes opened and she made eye contact with Brenna. "Don't you give up on me girl! We still have another baby in there. Come on let's get it out. You and me!" Once more the horse nodded weakly. Brenna delivered the second filly flawlessly. "Anthony!" It was so tiny. I swear I have never seen such a small foal. She hugged it tight then handed it off to me. "Warm it up. Clean its mouth. I got a mommy to save." I knew what to do, but she was in her own world and saving this horse was the only thing that mattered.

She was up and running to Suzy's head. "Suzy Cue, look at me!" The horse opened her eyes lethargically. "Ryker! Anthony! Bring them!" We both dutifully marched the fillies to their mother where we laid them on either side of Brenna. Suzy Cue licked first one then the other. She bumped noses with the larger one then delicately laid her head against the smaller one. A mother's love expressed the only way she could. Her eyes gradually closed.

"Wake up!" She shook Suzy's head and hugged her tight. "Come on Suzy!" She shouted through tears. The horse didn't move again. Brenna wrapped herself around Suzy's neck and wept.

Ryker and I had taken the fillies back and had them up and doing well. They needed to eat though. "I have milk supplement back at the barn. We need to get her to leave Suzy. We can't leave her here while they dispose of her, Tony." Ryker whispered to me after half an hour had past.

With a heavy heart I agreed. "I know. I'll go get her." I sluggishly approached Brenna, she was still wrapped around the horses head weeping softly. "Honey? We need to take the fillies in and feed them. I'm sorry, but it's time to leave her now. The boys will take good care of her." Violent sobs racked her body for a few more minutes. When she was done she got herself under control and after one last hug and a soft kiss to her forehead, she stood and walked to the smallest filly. She picked it up unceremoniously and strolled over to Big Boy.

"Big Boy, I'm putting this filly across your back and we are taking it home. Understand?" Her voice was strong and determined. Even the horse knew better than to argue, he knelt down for her. She put the filly over him, mounted and looked to me and Ryker. "Ready." She said confidently but her eyes screamed for help, for comfort. She was hurting so bad, but she refused to show anymore weakness in front of the men. Failure was written all over her face. So I left it alone, for now.

Ryker and I mounted, Ryker with the other filly and we rode off. He left instructions for the men staying behind in hushed whispers so Brenna wouldn't have to hear. For a tough army Sargent, he was turning into a softy because of one little woman.

### Chapter Sixteen

When we reached the barn it was late for a rancher, nine o' clock. Ryker convinced me to go get supper ready so the men here could eat and relieve the men in the field. I was reluctant to leave the little one who wasn't doing well. I did finally concede and returned to the house. I showered quickly to remove enough mud to plug any normal drain. Thank goodness Ryker's were super human drains. My hair alone took ten minutes to clean.

After cooking enough spaghetti noodles and garlic bread to feed an army I had Kendrick pass the word that it was ready for the men to serve themselves. I made three plates and carried them out to the barn. As I entered I heard my men talking.

"Maybe Bren can get it to eat, she has a way with all the horses. Did you see how she knew exactly what was going on with that horse? None of us realized she was even in labor." Anthony's voice had a note of awe to it.

"I still want to know how she knew it was twins. She's never seen the horse till today and she was too frantic to have notice then." Ryker just sounded puzzled.

"I asked her." I said unobtrusively from behind them. They both jumped and spun.

"Brenna! Let me help ya there." Anthony came over and relived me of their dinner. He gave Ryker his and without any preamble they dug in. "Damn, this is good!"

"Sure is." Ryker piped up. Still looking at his plate he asked suspiciously, "What do you mean, you asked her?" He kept eating, never making eye contact.

I took a deep breath, opened my mouth then shut it. How do I explain this without sounding crazy?

"It's okay Brenna. We're only curious, but no one here will judge you. You saved those fillies, Kendrick and not to mention what you did with Big Boy." His tone was meant to reassure me, it didn't.

"You said one of the fillies wasn't eating?" I inquired, chickening out.

"The little one." Ryker replied quickly. I hoped he knew I was changing the subject because I wasn't ready yet, not because I didn't trust them. I sat my plate on a bale of hay and sat down by the little one. I picked up the bottle and worked with her for a few minutes. "It's too big for her mouth. Do you have a smaller nipple?"

"Nope. That's the smallest I have. I can get one tomorrow but she needs to eat tonight." He huffed.

"Be right back." I left the barn to return to the house. In the kitchen I found three turkey basters of varying sizes and a marinating syringe. I removed the needle part and left it in the drawer and returned back to the barn with my loot. The first two basters were too big but the third worked like a dream. Gradually I got her to eat more than half the bottle, I was only wearing a small portion of that. With her tummy full she curled up next to her sister and slept.

I passed the baster to Ryker. "You need a nipple that size." He dipped his head noticeably in acknowledgment.

I sat down on the bale of hay and consumed my cold spaghetti. The men had watched me feed the filly without saying a word. I don't think they knew what to do with me. I wasn't normally this quiet or moody, even after a panic attack I snapped back rapidly. The loss of that beautiful animal for no reason just got to me. Life is short, anything can happen at any moment to take it away from you.

I mean, look at me. I have a mad man after me. No he didn't take my life that day, he threatened others, but he didn't follow through. How many people don't live through the same situation I lived through? Since he chose a train he kept it very mild, he only physically abused me when we were alone in the hospital. That shows me he had no problem hurting me further than he did originally. If he would have chosen an alley way would I have come out of this as unharmed as I did? I don't believe so. I could have been just like the horse, dead before my time because of an unpredicted event. The only thing I really lost was my virginity. You have to lose it at some point, a pleasanter way would have been preferable, but we can't all be choosers. I wasn't dead, I was very much alive. Then why was I living the dead life? If he finds me another time and kills me, do I want his touch to be the only touch I ever know?

I stood abruptly and look towards the two men that have come to mean the world to me in the last week. They won't make fun of me, they won't castigate me or tell me I'm crazy. I take a deep breath, straighten my shoulders, lift my chin and tell the truth for the first time in twenty years.

"She told me about the babies." They both looked up quizzically, prompting me to go on. "Same as she told me about how she fell in the hole." At their awkward silence I continued. "They don't speak, per say. Well first I'll tell you about the hole, if you don't understand how it works I'll try to explain differently." I took a stabilizing breath and told them Suzy Cue's story. "No Ryker it wasn't there before. I saw a picture in my head of water bubbling on the ground, she walked over for a drink, I got the impression she had been walking for a while and was very thirsty. When she stopped to drink the earth fell in, leaving her belly deep in water and mud. By the time I found her the water had spread out to the dry land surrounding her leaving just mud. That's how the hole came to be there." I was focused on a point between the two men, not looking at either, Anthony's voice startled me.

"That's how you know Big Boy doesn't want to wear a saddle?" He had his head cocked to the side studying me curiously. I peeked at Ryker only to see his dumbfounded expression. Oh, I knew that one well.

"I saw him in an arena, the saddle he was wearing was dripping blood. If you look closely on his flanks you can see the scars from where it rubbed him horribly raw and cut into him. I also already knew about the snake and Rosey that's why I prompted Noah to leave her out for a while, I wanted to give the snake time to leave but not to give myself away. I asked you what spooked her to make sure you knew about it. Sounded good at the time." I smiled shyly at them. Ryker busted up laughing.

"Sounded good! I adore you, Darlin'." He took two big strides towards me with his arms opened before he stopped abruptly, remembering he couldn't hug me. With a pronounced breath I took the last two steps to him and leaned into his chest and wrapped my arms around him. He swiftly, although moderately, wrapped his arms around me in a big bear hug. It felt right. It felt safe.

****

I am not a weeping man. However when she walked into Ryker's arms confidently without as much as a flinch, it gave me hope. Hope that one day she could do that with everyone. Hope that one day she will let me hold her easily, open and unguarded. At night she eventually did, but we had to spend twenty minutes getting there first. She was such a beautiful woman inside and out. Her innocence helps you forget she's really only twenty-four. To see her go from the scarred abused filly to this slightly skittish mare was miraculous. It touched even the hardest hearts, as was proof by the single tear trickling down Ryker's face.

She slowly pulled out of his arms as I wiped my eyes. She rose up on her tip toes but was still much shorter than Ryker, so she dropped back down and crooked her finger to him. He bent down willingly and she planted a sweet kiss on his cheek. She whispered something in his ear and he turned almost the same shade crimson I was used to seeing on Brenna. He stood back up and bowed graciously.

"As you wish, Darlin'." He winked at her and went to check on the fillies. There was no flinch in sight.

She turned leisurely in my direction, very deliberately she stalked towards me. She stopped only when we were toe to toe. She lifted her arms to my shoulders and threaded her hands in my hair. Never breaking eye contact she purposely leaned forward giving me the same slow warning I give her, she was going to kiss me. The thought made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. She stopped a hairs breath from my lips and I met her there with pleasure.

She started hesitantly, sweet, gentle for a few moments, after that point she tilted my head using the hair balled in her fist, hesitant and sweet turned into hunger and desire. This was the kiss of a woman full of hidden emotions she didn't think she knew how to express, but I got the message loud and clear and met her stroke for stroke. I don't know how long it lasted but when we separated both of us were panting. I pulled her in closely and just held her. She didn't balk, only wrapped her arms tightly around me and held on.

"Oh man.... Oh, I'm sorry Ms. Brenna, Anthony." I looked up to find Kendrick and four other men in the door shuffling their feet.

"What's going on here?" Ryker boomed from the fillies stall. Shit! I forgot he was even nearby.

"We were going to saddle up to relive the others, Boss." He was beet red, so were the additional men.

"It's ok Gentlemen. Come on in and get your horses, we were just leaving." She released me and walked steadily over to Kendrick. "You know you can't go, Handsome." She reminded Kendrick sweetly to take the sting out of it.

"I know Ma'am. I can help them load up." He smiled weakly at her, she gave him a very slight nod and a look that said 'that better be all you do!' Before she turned to the boys beside him.

"Did you all get enough to eat, Gentlemen?" She asked the group.

"Yes Ma'am" and "Delicious" chorused through the men. She smiled, delighted.

"Okay. Saddle up and let the others come in for their meal. Kendrick I think I'm going to turn in. Can you make sure the last man in the kitchen puts away whatever is left? All they have to do is put the whole pot in the fridge. I'll can it tomorrow for later use."

"Yes ma'am I can do that." He beamed at her. She patted his arm as she passed him, his eyes bulged as he realized _she_ was touching _him_ , I just smiled. She held out her hand to me, I took it eagerly and we took a leisurely stroll to the house.

****

"I'll be there in a minute." I said shyly as Anthony left me at my room. I slipped inside and leaned against the door.

He did not kill me. I am alive. I will live like I am alive.

The words had been repeating themselves in my head since earlier. Over and over.

He did not kill me. I am alive. I will live like I am alive.

I want to make Anthony happy, and to make him happy, he wants to touch me.

I want to make me happy. To make me happy I want him to touch me.

Am I ready for this?

_If he finds you again whose touch will you die remembering?_ My mother's voice makes an unwanted appearance in my head. _That bastard already took your virginity, are you going to give him your life also?_

As I hear her voice I am reminded of the only information my mother ever told me of my father.

I was young, dumb and in the wrong place at the wrong time, Brenna. I wasn't supposed to be there and if Granny had known I was, well, it would have been a lot worse than it was. Your father took my life that night. You gave it back to me. Don't ever let a man take what's important from you Brenna Michelle Ward. The ones like that are bastards that deserve nothing better than the devil himself to visit them.

Realization hits me like a ton of bricks.

My mother was raped.

It makes since now, I didn't understand her tirade then, but I do now.

Oh, mother, I'm sorry!

She spent her life in that cabin taking care of me, all because a town ridiculed and harassed her mercilessly, and she didn't even _willing_ do the deed. From my own experience I bet the pictures in her head that she spoke of were flashbacks of her assault. It makes so much more since!

I will not be like that! I will live my life for us both.

He did not kill me. I am alive. I will live like I am alive.

I will have Anthony! Maybe not all at once, I add nervously to myself. I don't have to jump every hurdle in one night! We will get there, I'm sure of it.

With my mind set I change into the satin nightdress I bought from the lingerie shop on a whim. I had just wanted something to make me feel pretty, I hadn't planned on wearing it in front of him. This is a new me! I can do this. I slipped on the matching robe and snuck down the hallway to his room.

His door is open and I knocked on the jam. He looked up from the bed and gaped. I looked down self-conscious "Did I do something wrong?" I asked confused by his expression. Then I see the spark of desire in his eyes, oh my. Did I do that? In a robe? Hmmm?

"No. Nothing wrong." He shook his head as if to clear it. "Your breathtaking, Brenna." He is still gazing at me. It is a little unnerving and I squirm under his roving gaze.

"Can I come in before Ryker comes down the hall and sees me?" He jumped to his feet nodding his head emphatically. He brushes by me quickly and shuts the door.

"We can't have Ryker seeing you like that. We would have to fight to the death for you. He is my boss now, so that wouldn't be good!" I giggled knowing he is just kidding.

"Ryker is like a brother. I don't think he could see me as more than that." I chastised him. I was firmly wrapped up emotionally with Anthony when we got here. It might not have been official, more like a dream, but Ryker hadn't stood a chance next to him. He grinned big and shook his head.

"I'm sure he would if he saw you now." He chuckled softly and saunters up to me. "Do I still have permission to touch you?" I cock my head at him not understanding. "In the barn you were very touchy feely for a few minutes. I was wandering if we were still there or if we need some time to acclimate ourselves back to it?" He wasn't making fun. He was truly curious.

I reached my hands up and around his neck to tangle in his wavy hair. "I think we're okay for now." I stretched up to capture his mouth. It starts out slow merely to build into a raging fire, our tongues stroking the flames higher.

"Hmmm. I like you like this." My face fell. "I like you curious too." He lightly kissed my nose. "I like you proud." He kissed the corner of my mouth. "I like you shy." He kissed the other corner. "I like you determined." He kissed my forehead. "I really like when you're riding! You are so graceful to watch." He brushed his lips over mine, feather light. "I like all of you." He kissed slowly along my jaw line to my mouth, leaving a trail of fire under every kiss that burned deep within me.

He stooped down and scooped me up in his arms, I wrapped my hands around his neck and laughed apprehensively. He harmoniously laid me on the bed, stood up and removed his shirt. My breath caught. His muscular chest on proud display is gorgeous. He boldly crawled into the bed beside me lying on his side facing me, his head propped up on his left hand. He brings his right hand very cautiously to my belly and lowers it purposefully. My knees are slightly bent, my head propped on a few pillows, I'm very comfortable. I'm not very relaxed. My body is stiff, I'm excited, anxious and petrified.

"You okay, Honey?" He asked sweetly. I mechanically nod. "Hey, look at me." I turned my head and look into his concerned gaze. "We can just go to sleep." He arches an eyebrow at me wanting an answer.

He did not kill me. I am alive. I will live like I am alive.

Breathe in, breathe out. I can do this.

I shook my head intently keeping our gazes locked. I know what I want. I just have to have the courage to get it.

"Are you sure Brenna? No harm, no foul." That's the second time he has used that line. Two can play that game.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." I murmured softly. His smile returned full force.

"Okay. We'll play your way." His hand on my belly has started making slow circle across the satin of my robe. My skin tingles under his touch. "Remember one word from you and this is over. Just tell me to stop. Do you understand, Brenna?" I signal automatically, the tingles are exquisite, I'm not listening. His hand stops. My eyes pop open, I didn't realize I'd closed them. "Did you hear me? One word from you and this is over. 'Stop' is all it'll take. Do you understand?" With a slight tip of my head I give my affirmation. "No, you must speak to me so I know you heard me."

"Yes." Came my breathless whisper.

His fingers immediately start to move. He lifts his hand slightly, only his fingertips were touching me. "Put your legs down." I complied. Sensually he moves down my right thigh to just below my kneecap, where he leisurely circled my knee, it tickled and I tried not to giggle. He returned back upward never breaking the contact between us. At the apex of my thigh he runs his fingers lightly over...there....I stiffen, but quickly make myself resume my semi-relaxed state. He swiftly continued to my left thigh.

I can't say I'm relaxed, but I am looser than I was when he laid me down. So we are making progress, I can do this. This is not Jerk Face. Just Anthony.

He did not kill me. I am alive. I will live like I am alive.

"Hey, stop thinking. Just feel. Thinking is not allowed in my bed." He winked at me and grinned a boyish grin. This is what eighteen year old Tony would have looked like. Stress-free and happy. I returned the smile, mine is a much smaller apprehensive one.

His fingers have reached my left knee and are returning up their path. He brands small circles over my belly with the heat from his touch for a few more seconds then casually moved higher tracing my right breast through the satin material. It is extraordinary. I feel my head tip back and a small whimper of enchantment escaped my throat. He stilled. I whimper again in disapproval.

"You okay?" His voice isn't light anymore. It's husky and filled with apprehensive longing.

"Yes." I hissed out. Is that my voice? He chuckled slightly and continued stroking my breast. His fingers circle around the side and underneath very softly before he cups my breast lightly squeezing, I gasped. He kneads it blissfully before he slid to the other to torment it in kind.

I feel him at my thigh. He's hard. I squeezed my eyes tighter and ride the wave of panic. He's sensed the change, his body tensed along with mine and he glides his hand to my belly reverting back to only the small sensual circles.

"Talk to me." He whispered. "Tell me what's bothering you." I see Jerk Face slide behind me his erection brushing my thigh.

"Little Tony. Move away a bit." My voice is small and laced with fear and remnants of lust. Instantly the pressure on my thigh is gone, so is the panic. I breathe deep and nod. Without a word he continued his sexual assault. As he moves up to my breasts he pushes the robe open. My breath catches.

"Okay?" He's barely audible. I open my eyes and look at him for the first time since this really started. His eyes are dilated, only small amounts of a deep rich blue can be seen around the edges, they are filled with yearning and contentment. I glance down at Little Tony and he is making his presence known. My eyes drift back to him.

"Y-yes." His hand cupped my breast hard with my answer causing me to stutter. The sly smile on his face says he did it on purpose. I try to move my hand closer to him and he shakes his head.

"No. Tonight's all about you." My eyes widen. He can't be serious. Doesn't he intend to have release some way?

"But Tony?" I'm not sure which Tony I'm referring to.

"Will be fine. Both of them. All you, Honey." With him pinching and twisting my nipple the endearment goes by unnoticed. My eyes drop closed once more. I feel the bed shift beside me, my eye flutter back open, I stiffen as I realize Tony is now sitting up beside me. "It's okay. I don't want to lie over top of you yet and this will make it easy to touch you." He smiled sweetly. I don't think he is thinking sweet things right now.

His left hand no longer being trapped runs down my leg. At the bottom of my gown he slips his hand under, tenderly tracing my leg back up towards my lady parts. I tense momentarily expecting it to be difficult. I rapidly change my mind and gasped at the skin to skin contact, it feels exquisite. With the tantalizing assault coming from his hands I tilt my head back and let myself get lost in his touch.

****

I lightly traveled my hand up her leg. This is the first time I have touched her skin, I was expecting panic, nothing yet. I let my right hand drop to her thigh and continue to slowly push her gown higher up her body. My goal tonight is to take this off, if nothing else happens, fine, but I want her to get comfortable with being naked in front of me. Maybe if she is comfortable naked then it will be easier to get her used to the touch on her bare skin. I have a feeling that is going to be a problem area.

I've reached her waist and I've pulled away from her as I skim over her so I don't touch her there. I land safely on skin once I have made it past the no fly zone. Her breathing had increased but she is still as relaxed as she had been. I can feel the tension running through her but she is struggling against it. Every now and then she becomes rigid but catches herself quickly. That's how I knew something was wrong, she stayed tense.

My hands were coming up under her breast and the gown stopped moving. I tightened my grip on her ribcage and whispered, "Sit up." Lifting slightly I helped her into a sitting position, effectively releasing the gown from under her hips. Her eyes were shut tight, but her body was still the same. This was fright or embarrassment, not panic. "I'm going to slide the robe from your shoulders then lift the gown over your head. It'll be rapid then you can lie back down. Okay, Honey?" I've noticed during these times she doesn't flinch at the endearment but outside of this room she does. Is she more comfortable alone with me?

I run my fingers along her shoulder's, effectively pushing the robe to drop behind her on the bed, she lifts her hands ever so slightly releasing them before returning them flat to the bed. I swiftly lift the gown over her head and lay it and the robe on the bed beside us. If she needs it back quickly it'll be there. My god she's beautiful. If it was at all possible to say my member could get any harder, then it just did. Cautiously, watching her body for indicators of panic, I reclined her back on the bed. Her arms instantly covered her breasts.

"Listen to me Brenna. Are you listening?" Her eyes popped open and her frightened gaze met mine. "You are beautiful. There is no reason to hide from me. I will not make fun, I will not hurt you, I will worship you, love you, if you will let me. What will it be? Do you want the gown back or do you want to finish this venture?" It was her word after all.

"Can you at least turn the overhead light off? The side light is fine." Her voice was small and childlike.

"I tell you what, I will this time, however after tonight when we enjoy each other, we get to see each other. Deal?" She squeezed her eyes tight. Her lips moved like she was repeating something over and over again.

"Leave it on." She squeaked out and then slowly let her arms fall to the bed, eyes forcefully closed.

"Beautiful. You're doing marvelous, Brenna. Further than I expected to get tonight." Her eye loosened slightly and her body relaxed an infinitesimal amount. "Keep going?" I whispered. She only nodded.

"I'm going to lie beside you again." She nodded once more. Strategically I stretched out beside her, positioning myself where I could kiss her. I wanted to distract her a bit for the next part. I leaned over her and captured her mouth. She gasped and effectively opened for me. Keeping a steady assault on her mouth I let my fingers trail over her bare breast. At the contact of skin on skin I moaned, the sound swallow by our kiss.

She tensed somewhat but immediately relaxed back. Tracing my fingers around her breast, I pinched her nipple between my thumb and index finger rolling it, pulling it, applying pressure, her back arched off the bed. I repeated my torture with the other nipple while I released her mouth and slowly moved down her jaw planting delicate kisses in my wake. I caressed my hand upward to the column of her throat, her whole body froze. Shit! I yanked my hand back with a muttered 'sorry'. I quickly placed it back at her breast and sprinkled kisses over her throat, she relaxed instantaneously. Thank god.

Skimming the surface of her skin I let my hand trail towards her core, gradually cupping her through her lace panties. She stilled. I took her nipple into my mouth and lavished it with attention. Her back arched again. I kissed, sucked, nibbled and blew on her breast to keep her occupied while my hand leisurely started to move in lazy circles, my palm pressing on her clitoris. Her breathing was erratic, her hand was clasped around my bicep tightly, her nails digging into my skin. Her head was thrown back, her lip tightly tucked in her teeth, eyes closed in pleasure. She was magnificent.

Very cautiously I slipped one finger under the edge of her panties and inserted it into her heat with meticulous care. She became rigid. I rubbed the front wall of her passion, back and forth, smoothly, and deliberately, stopping every few strokes to apply brief pressure, simply to return to stroking her. She progressively relaxed back into the bed and let out a low yearning filled moan. I returned to her breasts, sucking her nipple into my mouth greedily. Her body had started pulsating, her breathing had turned shallow and she was almost completely arched off the bed. I slipped another finger in and pumped rhythmically in and out. She whimpered.

"That's it Brenna. Let go, Honey." I took her mouth with mine and swallowed her scream as she came apart in my hands. I continued stroking her till I had extracted every last spasm from her luscious body. She collapsed completely sated beneath me.

I settled beside her and pulled her snug to me. She cuddled right in and laid her head on my chest. I repeated her words from this morning. "How was that?"

"Mind-blowing." She whispered still out of breath. I chuckled.

"Honey, that's just foreplay. Real sex is ten times better." She lifted her head to look at me sharply.

"Don't lie to me." She looked so serious.

I cupped her cheek and planted a kiss on her nose. "When you are ready I'll show you what it's supposed to feel like to make love, Brenna, but not tonight. One thing at a time. Okay?" She nodded. Her mouth in a thin line as she laid her head back on my chest. "What, Honey? Ask anything you need."

She huffed her breath out tickling my chest. "He's still very firm." She whispered.

That wasn't what I expected.

"And? It won't kill me Brenna. It's only uncomfortable. Tonight was only about you, not me. Sleep now." I kissed her forehead and used the remote to shut out the overhead lights. Her hand falteringly moved up my leg. I caught her wrist. "No. Not tonight." I said gruffer than I meant.

"Why? Did I do it wrong this morning?" Her feelings were hurt? Oh hell. I gingerly sat up and flipped on the side light.

"Sit up and look at me." I sat crisscrossed on the bed waiting for her to sit before me. "Listen to me. I want to take this slow, I do not want to spook you in any way. Today alone, you have given me an out of this world hand job and had your first orgasm. I think that's enough for one day Brenna. I don't want to rush you."

"Out of this world?" She cocked her head and smiled sheepishly. I laughed.

"Yes, honey. Your innocent explorations drove me insane. Just you on your knees in front of me almost drove me to lose it. So to answer your question, you did nothing wrong this morning, merely everything right." Her pert little mouth made a perfect 'o' shape. "Now you get it!" I laughed.

"But..." She pointed at my intense hard-on. This one would not go away any time soon.

I took a deep breath. How to explain...... "Brenna. What we just did turned me on very much. I enjoyed touching you immensely. He isn't going to just go away because we stopped. It will take him a good ten minutes if not longer to calm back down. It's okay, It doesn't hurt me." Liar! Liar! "It's just uncomfortable." Your dick's on fire!

"If you say so _Tony_." She rolled her eyes and made to lie back down.

"Hey, why do you call me Tony during....... intimacy? It's the only time you've used that name."

"Little Tony," She points at him, "Big Tony!" She points to me and smirks. Oh, so she thinks it's funny.

"Find that amusing, do you?" Her smile turns radiant as she nods her head vigorously. I pick up my pillow and throw it at her.

"Go to sleep woman!" I turn the side light off and cuddle to my dream girl.

### Chapter Seventeen

The days have gone by quickly here at the Rowdy R Ranch, today is Saturday. It's been one month since Anthony and I arrived. I'd like to say I've come a long way since then. Truth be told, I have, not nearly as far as I wanted to be. Only small things set me off now. There are a few of the boys who I can touch, fewer still that can touch me, those few still ask permission when necessary. I believe they have all figured out my pressure points, they avoid them like the plaque.

Trystin goosed me in the side from behind one day. He's never done that again, I don't think his family jewels could take it if he did. Kellen forgot and grabbed my wrist to stop me for some reason I never found out, I landed a knee to his gut. Ryker snuck up behind me and whispered in my ear at the barn, he received a black eye for the trouble. Poor Anthony has gotten all three and another knife pulled on him. But they all take it in stride, talk me down or find Anthony quickly.

Ryker has taken me shopping three times to stock the kitchen. Who knew groceries for thirteen men could be so expensive! The first bill was more than two grand. It lasted less than one week! I didn't want to see the other two bills. He has also given me the keys to an old pick-up to travel the acreage when I don't want to ride Big Boy, which isn't often. He and Anthony took time out of their day to teach me to drive it, stick shift is not my favorite form of transformation. Big Boy suits me fine.

We haven't had any news on Jerk Face since last week. He has quit leaving things at my apartment and he was never identified, so we are stuck in a waiting pattern to see what happens next. I still am not allowed off the ranch alone. That's fine by me, I don't want Jerk Face catching me alone anywhere.

Today is Anthony's birthday. Ryker has agreed to let me steal Trystin and Kendrick, I am the most comfortable with them, to go into town with me. I want to bake him a cake and try to find him something special. I don't know what yet, but my boys have promised to help.

I want to tell him I love him, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. He is such a wonderful, patient, kind, caring man. As always I am brought back to the same question. _'Why is this man single?'_ I don't want him to be, I want him to be mine. Even though we have... what did Anthony call it? Oh yes 'made out' several nights, we have gone no further than the first night. He says he wants me used to his touch alone. He has said many times he wants to make sure when he lays over me his presence and weight there don't frighten me.

So we are meticulously working to increase his presence there even in non-sexual ways. Just lying in bed at night he will lay with his head on my shoulder partially covering my body. Each night he moves over more of me, half an inch a night. He's insistent on moving slow and I'm okay with that. Anthony is the only man I will ever want to have sex with, so if it takes us a while to build my confidence to the point of completely comfortable in bed with him, it will save me the panic attack when we decide to go further. He has promised something special for us both tonight but he won't tell me what. He has my imagination working overtime.

I picked up some novels in town the last trip I made with Ryker. They are not the novels my Granny brought! I didn't know some of those things could be done! I will never forget Anthony's face when I asked what a 'blow job' was. I thought I could blush! He had any of my blushes beat by a long shot. Until he haltingly explained what it was to me, then it was my turn to blend in with a coke can. We haven't tried that yet. Not sure if I want to, then again Little Tony liked the idea just from Big Tony explaining it, he stayed excited for a while, so it might be worth trying.

After arriving in town we hit the grocery store first, it's cool enough out today nothing should ruin, like butter and eggs. I never knew Texas could be so hot in early November. Now we are walking the strip mall searching for something for Anthony. We have gone in several stores but nothing has called out to me yet. The boys have tried to convince me to get him a shirt, socks, chaps –Trystin wiggled his eyebrows and asked 'wouldn't Tony look good in only these?' I about died!—, new boots and a ball cap. The problem was they were all things he could buy himself and they meant nothing more than what they were.

"Hey let's go in here!" Trystin had a huge grin on his face as he stood in front of a lingerie shop filled with frilly women's underwear.

"OH! Yes, please?" Kendrick begs. I can't help but laugh at their antics. I have found out that women like identical twins. Everywhere we go they are ogled by every woman in site. I believe between the two they have racked up quite a few phone numbers today. I've noticed Kendrick is more outgoing with the ladies than Trystin, who stands behind his brother and lets him do the talking. I never realized he had a shy side, but I'm the only woman I see them around.

"You only want to go in there because of the women!" I teased.

"Of course." Grinned Trystin.

"Never!" Kendrick pouted. "Come on, Brenna! Maybe you can find something sexy for Tony!? Huh? That would be a good present!" He raised his eyebrows playfully.

"Not one I could give him in front of you lot! I live with thirteen men! Can you see what would happen if I gave Anthony lingerie in front of Ryker? I don't want Anthony to die Kendrick!" They both doubled over with heaving laughter racking their bodies. They were probably imagining Ryker killing Anthony with the lingerie, nothing funnier than dying with a lace thong wrapped around your throat.

"You're right. Get him something here for just the two of you, and then get him something else to give him in front of your boys." When I first got here they were 'the men' or 'the hands'. Now they were all referred to as 'my boys.' All thirteen of them. Ryker started it teasingly after our argument about me buying them food. I had told him they weren't _his_ men but _my_ boys. At some point it stopped being a joke and became law. They were _all_ my boys! I smile happily as I realize I like them being mine. All of them.

"See your smiling! You know it's a good idea!" Trystin chimed in.

"I wasn't smiling at that! Fine let's go in, but if I do buy something y'all can't see it!" I pouted as I went into the store.

"That's not fair!" Came there twin replies behind me.

When we left the lingerie shop I had something for Anthony and something's for me. When a man is seeing your underwear, you want pretty ones, I also bought a new silk nightgown beings he likes the satin one so much. As we walked down the sidewalk I caught a glimpse of a man in front of us. He looked familiar from his profile, but I couldn't place him. I dismissed it quickly, I don't know people here.

A few shops later I had an engraved watch for Anthony. The band on his was pretty worn and he said before it wasn't sentimental. It would work perfect for the party. With the engraving it was pretty special. I hope he'll like it.

"Come on guys we need to get back to the Rowdy R." I said to my boys.

"I know. We were hoping to get out longer, but you have food to cook!" Trystin grinned.

"All you think of is your stomach!" I rubbed his hair and he turned from my grip effectively spinning me. I stilled, face to face with Jerk Face.

"What's this, Love?" I so flinched. "I thought your boyfriend was with you. Who are these chums?" I started stepping back, my heart was racing, the color had drained from my face, and my legs were going to buckle.

"Brenna?" Trystin asked. A clear question in his voice, 'who is this and do I need to kill him?'

With fear for my boys running through my head, I threw my leg out and struck gold. Jerk Face hit the dirt. "RUN!" I yelled to the boys, I didn't have to tell them twice. We almost made it in the truck but not before he trapped me against the cab. He grabbed me by the arms and slammed me against the truck door. The protruding handle slammed into my back right at the left shoulder blade, my head cracked on the window and I cried out in pain. Trystin had made it in the driver's side, but Kendrick was behind Jerk Face. His eyes held murder. I very slightly shook my head, if he interfered Jerk Face might kill them both. His eyes widened in a plea to let him hurt this man. I brought my gaze back to the problem at hand.

"I told you! You are mine!" He back handed me across the face. The side of my head and good cheek slammed against the window with the blow. Three for one, he's good at this. When I faced him again Kendrick was gone. I didn't want to draw attention to him in anyway so I focused on Jerk Face.

"I.AM.NOT.YOURS!" It was a staccato, every word screamed in his face. I saw the next blow coming and stiffened my neck, effectively only receiving his slap not the trucks too.

"You think you can defy me? Run away with your cop? To Texas of all places? I can find anyone, Love. You'd do good to remember that." He brought his fist back and punched me in the stomach, I bent over with an oomph! He let me fall to the ground where I landed unceremoniously in a lump on the shoulder he'd slammed onto the door handle. I swallowed the scream of pain, he would not see me suffer!

He rapidly knelt in front of me and pulled my hair back till I was eye to eye with him. "By the way, no one hurts me and lives. That was your only free shot, Love. I like you feisty, maybe I won't break you as quickly as the last girl. Then again she was only to pass the time, you will be forever mine." He stood swiftly and kicked me across the ribs hard making me cry out from the piercing pain. Crap!

He knelt in front of me once more. "Did you hear me? You will forever be mine, Brenna Ward. Don't forget that, Angel. Now let's talk about disobedience." He reached down and grabbed my hair and drew me back to my feet. I came eye to eye with the barrel of a shot gun, luckily it wasn't pointed at me.

"If you touch Ms. Brenna one more time I will blow your head off asshole and I will enjoy it." Jerk Face turned slowly to face Trystin and the shot gun. It was only then I realized Kendrick had a rifle trained on him also.

Jerk Face raised his hands in surrender and backed away from me, but not before he hissed "I will always covet you. I will always come for what's mine." He turned and sprinted out of the parking lot laughing manically. Trystin made it to me first. He scooped me up and threw me in the truck, I tried to stifle the cry, I wasn't successful. The boys jumped in and took off like a bat out of hell.

"I got all your bags Ms. Brenna. Don't you worry. We'll get you to a hospital and you'll be fine." Trystin's voice was too high and I could feel him shaking beside me.

"NO! I need a phone, I need to call Anthony. Call Tony!" I could feel the panic rising. "Now, please Trystin, I need Anthony, now!" I couldn't concentrate. Things were getting fuzzy, spinning. Did I hit my head? I don't remember. I couldn't breathe. "If you don't reach him, drive around, don't go home...don't stop....he will follow..."

Darkness prevailed.

### Chapter Eighteen

I entered the house looking for Brenna. It had become habit to get a kiss from the kitchen staff before showering the days grime off. Ryker was sitting at the table alone, his head in his hands.

"Where's Brenna?" I inquired looking around.

"Not back yet." He bit out.

"What do you mean not back? From where? She doesn't leave the property without me or you." I walked over to stand in front of him. I didn't like the sound of this.

He rubbed his neck nervously. "Trystin, Kendrick and Brenna went to town she wanted...."

"WHAT?! Alone? Did you know?" Shit!! Last report said they thought he had left Philly to an unknown location.

"I gave her permission if she took the boys with her, but they should have been back over an hour ago. When I didn't see the truck return I came to see if I missed it. I've only been here a few minutes. I was hoping they'd call before I came for you."

"Have you tried the twin's cells?" He held one up.

"Kendrick left his and Trystin's keeps going to voice mail. If they are heading back reception will be spotty."

"She has an insane rapist after her! What were you thinking?" I slammed my hand on the table. I was livid! How could he send her out there?

"You said you didn't know where he was, I didn't think he'd be here. She has the twins. They are only a little late." I couldn't tell if he was reassuring me or him.

"Only a little late? Brenna doesn't do late! Brenna does extremely early! Not late! She has dinner to cook still, she wouldn't stay out, she cares about those boys, and she would be here to feed them if nothing else." At that moment the phone rang. I ran for it. "Hello?" It was Trystin.

"Tony, Thank God! We have been calling for forever. Listen some guy attacked Bren...."

"Is she okay?" I now knew what Brenna's panic attacks felt like, I was having one.

"She's busted up a bit..." His voice caught, he cleared his throat and continued. "She refused to let us take her to a hospital, told us to drive around till we reached you."

"How long have you been driving, Trystin?" Drive around? Did she think he'd follow them? Probably.

"Couple hours. We are twenty minutes from home. We've been takin' back roads around the country side but we are gettin' close to bein' out of gas and I don't know if we can stop. She said not to stop Tony!" He cannot panic! He had Brenna! The thought 'his accent is heavier when he's upset' flits through my mind before rapidly fleeing due to fear.

"Trystin if you are on back roads you can tell if someone is following you. Any dust besides yours? Have you been watching?" Please no tails, I prayed.

"We had a blue SUV for a long time but Kendrick lost him about an hour ago." Great.

"Okay come home. If you see that truck again go somewhere else and call back. Don't lead anyone here Trystin, that is important for her safety. He can't know she's here."

"Yes, sir. Tony?" Trystin was scared, you could hear it in every word he spoke.

"Yes?" I didn't like the fear lacing his voice either.

"She has been out cold since we left the parking lot." He whispered. Aww Shit!

"Just get her home. Please?" That was a plea. To whom I don't know. God? Trystin? Someone? Anyone? I hung up and sank to the ground. "He found her." I informed Ryker. He squatted in front of me.

"How bad?" His voice broke. I looked up and tears were threatening to spill.

"Don't know. Trystin says she's beat up and has been out since they left the parking lot. They have been driving for a couple hours." I put my head in my hands.

"Shit!"

"My sentiments exactly. Time to arm the boys. I think we're safer here with the numbers than we are trying to run. Those boys will do anything to protect her."

"All of us would, Tony. She is one special lady." He was now sitting beside me leaning against the wall. Both of us had our knees up, elbows propped on them and our heads in our hands. The phone rang again.

"Hello?" My anxious voice filled the kitchen.

"Anthony?" Brenna's sweet, even if terrified, voice filled the receiver.

"Bren..." It was a strangled cry.

"Hey, I'm okay, just knocked around a bit. I needed to hear your voice. Trystin says he talked to you and we can come home?"

"Yes Honey, come home."

"Okay. Be there soon, Anthony. I love you." She hung up. I just stared at the receiver.

"What's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost."

"She said I love you."

"Oh." He said just as surprised as I was.

"Yeah, oh."

"Hang it up in case they have to call again, man." I reached up and hung up the receiver.

It didn't ring again. Ten minutes later when we heard a horn in the driveway we were still sitting on the floor. We jumped up and bolted for the front of the house. We flew out of the door and Kendrick laid off the horn, they weren't up the long drive yet, but they were coming fast.

When Kendrick skidded to a stop I rushed to the passenger side. Trystin had Brenna wrapped in his arms in his lap, his eyes were wild when they met mine. "When she woke she grabbed on and won't let go!" I think he thought I was going to deck him for holding her. Could I? He should have been there!

"Brenna, Honey?" She flinched. She hasn't flinched once in two weeks. "Can I take you from, Trystin?" She ignored me. "Brenna? It's Anthony." That did it, she met my gaze and flew into my arms crying out in pain, frustration, relief, I don't know which if not all. I carefully picked her up and carried her inside to the couch. Trystin, Kendrick and Ryker hot on our tails. "You boys hurt?" I hollered over my shoulder.

"No, sir, he wasn't after us. After the first comment about being with us and not with her cop boyfriend, he lost interest in us. We stopped him as soon as she was out of danger of us shooting her. I just wish it had been a few minutes sooner, and I wish we could have shot him, I really wish that." Trystin said, his voice colder than I had ever heard it.

"Tell me what he did. I need to know what's hurt." Ryker spit out.

"Slapped her um.. twice, grabbed her arms, her head bounced off the window um... twice and I think her other cheek slammed into it to, punched her in the stomach and kicked her while she was down." Trystin listed off rapidly. He took a small step back with each new affliction as I stared daggers at him.

"Is that all?" The sarcasm in my voice could have had its own zip code.

"He grabbed her hair when he yanked her off the ground by it." Kendrick supplied. I slowly turned my steely gaze to him. He backed off.

"My shoulder blade hit the door handle and the ground." Brenna added her two cents worth, I noticed she was keeping eye contact with Ryker, something passed between them.

"Where were y'all?" I hollered taking a step towards Trystin. "Why didn't you do something before he beat her up?" I have never been this angry in my life. Well once. The hospital.

"Anthony! Enough, they did what was needed to get me away. It wasn't their fault. I saw him sooner. I didn't place his profile. It wasn't till I saw his full face I recognized him. I should have known it was him when he wasn't paying us any mind and I could have run." She was breathing hard and cringing with each breath. Her hand was on her head the other on her bruised cheek.

"Boy's out! Ryker, got your bag?" I looked over to him, it was in his hand. I never saw him leave. Trystin and Kendrick hadn't moved. "Boys you are not watching me undress her for an exam! Get out!" I screamed. They turned tail and ran.

Ryker knelt beside the couch. "Well Darlin'" She flinched. "Now I know Jerk Face scares you, but do I?"

"No, Ryker. You're the brother I never had." Her eyes were full of tears.

"Did Jerk Face call you Darlin' or Honey?" Oh I see where he's going with this.

"No. That's only you and Anthony." She tried to smile, it was a grimace.

"Then I don't want to see any more of that flinching shit. You get me?"

This time she did smile. "I'll try Ryker. Right now I don't control it. Can you give me a day?"

"Sure Darlin'." Just a small finch. "Let me check you out okay?"

"Yes." Her chin dropped to her chest, defeated.

"I am going to need the shirt off." Her nod was barely discernible. "Now don't get me wrong, a pretty lady drives me as wild as Tony here, but as you said you are my sister. I do not want to see you, in all fairness, I need to. You want Tony to go get a robe or something?"

"Please." She whispered "The satin one on the bathroom door. It's the only one I have." She wouldn't look at me. She knew I didn't want Ryker to see her in that robe, but this wasn't about foreplay or jealousy. This was her health.

"I'll be right back." I ran the stairs two at a time.

****

"Brenna, I need to ask. Did he get the chance to...."

"No! He only hit on me. The boys were with me the whole time, it only took a matter of minutes Ryker, probably not even ten. He was behind me when Trystin spun me playfully around, I kicked him in the balls and we ran. Then he was at the truck, that's where he hit on me, the lot was pretty well hidden from view. When he yanked me up off the ground the boys had a rifle and shotgun trained on him. He backed off and left before I could think what to do." I heard Anthony clopping back down the stairs. Ryker nodded. "They did all they could, any sooner and he would have had me as a shield, don't punish them Ryker."

"I'm not. I believe you. I don't think they would have acted until they were sure you were in the clear." I wasn't sure I was in the clear so much as not the target.

Anthony handed me the robe, I took a deep breath preparing myself to stand and regretted it immediately. "I'll step out if you want, let you get somewhat covered up."

"No, Ryker." I blew a raspberry, closed my eyes and tried to lift my shirt, I cried out in pain when I lifted my left arm.

"Brenna? What hurts?" Ryker's voice was tinged with concern.

"My shoulder blade and my chest." I was panting, I was seriously trying not to, it hurt!

"Let me help you take it off." I nodded defeated. Anthony brought the material up my back and slid it forward over my head then pulled my arms out of the sleeves. Both men sucked air through their teeth as the shirt was removed, the bruises forming revealed.

"Aww shit. Now I'm going to have to kill him."

"Ryker!" Ow! I was light headed again. "I....dizzy guys....lay down..."

I felt arms come around me and twist me to a laying position. I opened my eyes to thank Anthony only to be staring at Ryker. "Thanks." I squeaked. When I felt calloused hands on my bare skin I presumed it was Anthony. Now I could tell they were much bigger hands. A tremble started at my toes and rose to encompass every inch. The only person to touch anything bare was Anthony. My boys knew not to touch skin when they touched me. I was better with touch, Ryker could touch me, but not on bare skin! My breathing was too rapid, I was extremely light headed, every inch of me shook. "NO! No more panic!" I yelled pissed at my reaction. Then Anthony's face was in front of me.

"Why are you panicking?" he asked calmly.

"It wasn't you." I whispered. "I care about Ryker....b-but only your hands t-t-touch my skin, I'm sorry I c-can't stop it. I'm not d-doing it on p-purpose!" My stutter is always more pronounced when I panic. I haven't outright stuttered since I was six and I hated it came back at times like this, it made me even more pathetic.

"Hey it's okay, Honey, after a day like today you are allowed to panic. Ryker gets that."

"Sure do, Darlin'." I didn't flinch at either man's words, I was already in full blown panic mode.

"Just t-talk. Please." He sat next to me and curled me into him.

We had done this before when I panicked. He would sit and talk to me for hours to calm me down, as he did today. He warned me at some point Ryker was going to touch my ribs, but he kept talking. Telling me about growing up with Ryker always getting him in trouble, about his ranching dreams as a kid, about his parents and on and on he talked. I remember passing out a few times from panic or pain, I don't know. The sun was going down by the time I was fully aware of other things happening in the house.

Only Anthony and I were in the living room and no one had disturbed us all evening. Now I could hear men's voices from the kitchen. I sat up sharply and regretted it. I threw my hand to my ribs and they were wrapped in tight bandages, I don't remember that. I sat there staring at them for a minute.

"It sent you into a bad attack, you passed out after he wrapped two times around you. So we finished it while you were out as not to cause you more pain. Here take this. How are you feeling now?" He handed me one of the pills I'd come here with and a coke. I didn't know he still had them.

After it was done I looked up to Anthony. I still didn't have a shirt on...Men's voices...I snapped my head back towards the kitchen but a big curtain had been tacked across the opening. "No one can see you. You want me to put your shirt back on you?" His voice was deceptively soft. He only spoke like that when he was mad and trying to reign in his temper for me. It scared me more, so I only nodded silently. He rose and picked it up off the chair then helped me put it on. "Your boys have a surprise for us. Go wash your face then come join us." He reached down and kissed my forehead. I saw it coming. I tighten and willed myself not to flinch. I did anyway. He stood abruptly and left.

So I did as I was told. I went upstairs cleaned up and joined my boys, well twelve were mine, the only one I wanted to keep, I wasn't sure about.

### Chapter Nineteen

After Brenna went up the stairs I slipped back into the living room for a minute to think. Ryker didn't think her ribs were broke or cracked, just bruised, like the rest of her body. The shoulder blade bothered him. He said it was awfully swollen for just a bruise. It could be cracked, if she complained more than a few days with it we would have to take her to Doc in town. Other than that she was fine. Sore, bruised and cowering again, but fine.

I let out a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair. The only thing I could see was her lying on the ground with him kicking her. I wanted to kill the asshole, I wanted to kill Trystin and Kendrick for not stopping him sooner, I wanted to scream and yell at her for going to town without me. I was so full of rage I didn't know where to turn. Why hadn't she asked me to go? Why the secrecy? Was she meeting someone there? Or was the whole thing planned so she could be with one of the twins? She did have a soft spot for Trystin. Could she? Would she? She lets him touch her occasionally. I've seen him.

Trystin let himself in the room as if he knew I was thinking about killing him. "I just wanted to say if I thought yanking him off her would have helped I would have done it immediately, Tony. But you didn't see the look in that man's eyes. He was going to get to her anyway possible. Even through us. I knew only the threat to his own life would deter him. He acted as if we weren't even there so we waited till we were sure we could hit him not her. I waited till he was between the shotgun and her. It was the only way. I didn't like it, Tony. Standing there watching him beat on her, it was the hardest thing I have ever done." His voice cracked on the last word. He made to turn and leave. "Just thought you should know." He had taken two steps before I called out to him.

"Trystin. You did good, boy. He didn't take her. We would never find her if he took her." He didn't turn, just nodded and left the room. Well, shit. As choked up as he is, could they be? I shook my head to release the thoughts. She wouldn't do that.

With a long tired sigh I waded into the sea of men.

"Good, Tony. I wanted to talk to everyone before Brenna joins us, take a seat." All of Brenna's boys sat at the table. "As I'm sure y'all know by now, there is a man after Brenna." He looked pointedly at the twins and they blushed. Hmm? Been gossiping have they? Maybe I can still kick their asses for something. "From now on we will have patrols around the immediate area of the houses and barn. Everyone is to be armed and always in pairs. The twins can give you a description of this asshole. If he gets to Brenna, he will kill us to leave with her or he will kill Brenna if he can't take her with him." My body shuddered at the thought.

"He's lost her more than once now. He has escalated from the initial attack of rape, to breaking in a secure hospital and smacking her around a little, to pounding on her today. Do not underestimate him in any way. He was armed at the first attack, knife and gun. Be on guard, be alert at all times. If you see something unusual, even a bent tree limb, you come to me or Tony immediately. Do not try to play hero." He looked at each man's eyes to make sure they got that.

"When the party ends the twins can take first patrol as they know him. Who wants the midnight to six shift?" Every hand went up. There was no doubt about it, they would protect Brenna. "Talan and Noah. Brody make out a shift schedule after the party. No ones left off, even Tony and I." They all nod as footsteps descend the stairs.

"One more thing. She's bruised and she's skittish again. Don't touch, don't stare." Ryker hissed out as Brenna entered the room. She was wearing a dress I hadn't seen before. It looked ravishing on her. Even with her purple face.

"Hello Gentlemen. Um... I didn't get to cook today." She looked quickly to Ryker. He stood up and pulled out his chair at the head of the table and offered it to her, guaranteeing she wouldn't be touched.

"Your boys have cooked for you Darlin'." She flinched. Her chin dropped to her chest. I rose and kneeled in front of her.

"This is only a small set back. Don't let it discourage you, you are making progress and we will be there again soon. Now let's enjoy what your boys cooked." I winked at her and was rewarded with a small, but brilliant smile. She took a deep breath then grimaced. Yeah that probably hurt.

"So, Gentlemen, what have we to feast on?" She smiled at her boys lovingly.

As one they said "Bar-b-que!" She giggled. Then her face fell.

"What, Honey?" She flinched.

"I was going to bake you a cake. I'm sorry, Anthony." She looked so dejected.

"It's ok Ms. Brenna." Trystin's voice broke the silence. He walked over to the fridge and came back with a huge beautifully decorated cake with painted horse on the top. "It won't taste as good as yours, but I took care of it."

She gasped. "You did this?" She was astounded. Frankly, so was I, it was gorgeous. The horses were so detailed for a cake. He nodded proudly.

"Isn't much different than painting. Just with icing and food coloring. It's nothing fancy ma'am." He was blushing.

She slowly stood. Carefully those shoulders went back, her head came up and she pointed to the table. "Put it down there." He did as ordered. She stepped up and wrapped her arms around him for a hug. Mindful of her injury's he only lightly hugged her back, stunned. "It's beautiful. You knew how much it meant to me. Thank you."

She's hugging him? Would she? Could she? That thought of her and Trystin flitted through my head again. I narrowed my eyes and watched them closely.

"Well as I said it won't taste like yours, but I did use the recipe you left on the counter." He stepped back awkwardly.

She nodded then smiled at me. "Happy Birthday Anthony." She had tears in her eyes. "Ok Gentlemen let's eat this b-b-q and beautiful cake!" A cheer went up and everyone filed outside to fill their plates. Everyone but us. She didn't move. I didn't move.

"Are you still mad at me?" She whispered when the room was clear.

I let out a sigh. "I wasn't mad, I was furious. To tell you the truth, yes I still am! Why the hell did you go without me or Ryker?" My voiced was raised and she seemed to physically shrink away from me.

"I couldn't ask you and Ryker said he had something to do and couldn't go." Her voice was small and weak.

"Why couldn't you ask me?" She just mutely shook her head. I knew I was scaring her but I kept plowing ahead. "Is there something your hiding from me? Is there someone else Brenna?" Her mouth dropped open and she physical recoiled from me like I slapped her. I knew in my brain this was irrational, but nothing else explained why she 'couldn't' ask me to go. She stood proud and looked me in the eye.

"No, Anthony there isn't. It took how long to let you get near me comfortably? To touch me without flinching? It took how long to let Ryker touch me? My boys? How could there be someone else. I even remember letting slip three little words on the phone today while I was terrified we wouldn't make it back to you! So NO Anthony! There is no one else!" She was fuming. I had actually forgotten she had told me she loved me in all the chaos.

"Ahem." I spun around and Trystin was standing at the door holding something.

"What?" I snapped.

"I was going to wait but I think now's the time." He started towards me and only then did I notice everyone behind him. Shit! We had an audience. Trystin kept eye contact with Brenna. She was shaking her head no vehemently. Trystin was obviously ignoring her as he stopped in front of me and handed me a neatly wrapped gift. I looked from it to him to Brenna then back to the gift. He read my confusion and answered my unspoken question. "What we went to town for, Tony." I took it and looked at Brenna. She had tears running down her cheeks but she was still standing tall. I slowly un-wrapped the black velvet box. Opening it I gasped, it was a watch, thick black leather band, silver face, she remembered I couldn't wear gold, a small diamond at each number. "Take it out and read the back." Trystin's voice startled me. I had forgotten he was there.

I took the watch from the box and flipped it over, inscribed neatly on the back was:

In my world

Of panic

You will always

Be my safety.

Love Brenna

Awww shit! I closed my eyes tight then looked up at Brenna. She was gone. I ran my hand through my hair roughly pulling at it.

"Yep, you fucked that one up big time, Tony. We looked for hours before she found that. Said it would mean more than a shirt. That woman is head over heels in love with you. After that man attacked her today the only thing she wanted as she was writhing in pain and fighting consciousness was for me to call _you_. So she could hear _your_ voice." Trystin let that sink in a minute, making me feel about three inches tall, before adding. "Who would she cheat on you with Tony? Everyone here but you sees her as their sister, a hero, a strong force to be reckoned with and we respect her. We see you as a father figure, brother, with respect and dignity, well till now anyway. None of us would step on your toes. None of us would want to. She deserves a happily ever after Tony. And if you won't give it to her I'm sure one of us could change our way of thinking. She's not a blood sister after all." There were a few chuckles from the peanut gallery.

"You're a good man, Trystin. Thanks. I have a woman to find, beg and pamper." I strode towards the stairs purposely.

"Tell Brenna her other presents still in the bag in her closet. Oh and tell her I didn't peek...much." Kendrick yelled after me as I disappeared behind the curtain. Why would he be peeking? Wasn't he with her when she bought it? The twin's laughter followed me up the stairs.

### Chapter Twenty

As Tony read the inscription I slipped quietly out the front door with the curtain blocking my exit from view. Once outside I took off slowly to Big Boy. The pain keeping me from running like I craved to do. He would be my only solace at the moment, unfortunately Anthony's safe embrace was no longer an option. I lifted myself over the fence as Big Boy loped towards me, halting only when my arms securely wrapped around him and my tears dampened his neck. He bit at my hair and nudged my shoulder to comfort me.

Afraid Anthony or Ryker would come looking before I was ready to be found, I mounted Big Boy. Walking him slowly, mindful of the pain, we went to the stream. I sat beside the bank and curled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. My ribs and back protested but I held the position as I dropped my head on my arms and cried an all-out body cleansing cry.

How could he think that? I still cringe when anyone but him touches me without warning. Who would I be meeting? I don't know anyone in town, I was always with Ryker or him when we went. The twins? Kendrick? Trystin?

Oh God!

Things he has said come back to me.

I think you have a soft spot for Trystin.

Why do you coddle him? Making him special foods?

I saw Trystin touch your shoulder at dinner, you okay?

He thought I was having an affair with Trystin? Oh brother! How stupid can one man get? Trystin only touches me with a plain warning ahead of time unless it is accidental and since the first time that has only been twice more. I fix him special food because the boy has allergies he doesn't want the others to know about. I caught him leaving one night without eating, he said some nights he'd slip out and eat in his room because he couldn't eat what was cooked. There is nothing wrong with catering to his health needs.

I heard a branch snap behind me. Anthony or Ryker had found me I presumed, I speak without turning. "Go away Anthony. Ryker." Suddenly arms wrapped around me in a bear hug, they were too tight, none of my boys would grab me like this. The hands skimmed my bare arms, no callouses. Crap! There isn't a man on this ranch without callouses on his hands. I started to struggle. I tried to scream but a hand clamped over my mouth so I tried to bite him. He applied more pressure effectively splitting my lip and silencing me.

"Obedience Brenna. Stop now or I _will_ kill you. I can find another to take your place eventually, I always do." His seductive voice in my ear is all the confirmation I needed to know who this was. I froze. He's crazy enough to do it. I feel the familiar cold steel of the gun barrel in my side and his grip on my mouth lightens minutely. "That's right, Angel. Obedience is rewarded, be disobedient and you will be punished. Now, you didn't know it was me so I won't take your struggles to be punishable this time. You did stop when I told you to. So let me reward you, Love." Releasing my mouth he pushed my braid to the side and kissed my neck lightly, his tongue drawing circles across the top of my back. I shuddered from revulsion. "See what I do to you, Love? You want me, don't you?" He slid his hand down to cup my breast, squeezing painfully.

I stayed silent. I know my 'no' will make him punish me, a 'yes' refused to leave me lips. "Tell me you want me, Brenna!" He jammed the gun into my side harder, my already protesting ribs screamed in pain. I gritted my teeth and screwed my eyes shut. I refused to tell him yes. I will not give him the satisfaction. "Fine. Punishment it is." He dropped his hold on me to turn me to face him and I sprang to my feet. He, however, was faster and tackled me to the ground. I landed on my back with his body fully covering mine, both my hands were quickly restrained in one hand, his legs pinioning mine to the ground. I fought, I tried to kick, I struggled to break my arms from his grasp, I even tried head butting him like in the movies my boys watch together on weekends. Nothing worked. He had my dress almost to my waist, I fought harder. He struck me hard across the cheek with the butt of the gun. "Yes! Fight me, bitch!" he gleefully laughed at my futile struggles.

In the next instant his weight was gone. I felt Big Boy nudge me impatiently. I opened my eyes and Jerk Face was lying beside me holding his shoulder. "Damn Horse!" Big Boy stomped his foot and shook his head then nudged my leg. I rose up as fast as I could, everything hurt. Big Boy kneeled and I was almost mounted when I felt his hand clasp my ankle, he pulled and I felt my grip falter.

I whispered urgently to Big Boy "Go get Anthony!" I hit the ground hard and rolled as Big Boy shot off like a rocket.

"Damn it! If I knew you wouldn't run off I'd go shoot that damn horse!" Thank God he listened and left. I lie on the ground, face in the dirt, panting, anger bubbling inside me at the threat to Ryker's horse. He would regret that threat though I didn't know how yet.

Dang, my ribs and shoulder are on fire. I tried to get to my hands and knees through the pain. He was on me too rapidly. Laying his whole body over mine he pinned me to the ground again. "You know, Brenna, I love this position." He ran his nose down my ear lobe and thrust his erection against my backside. "It's why I took all the women on the train this way. I could have forced them off, taken them somewhere else. But where's the challenge in that? To fuck in front of so many people who don't even realize its being done and unwillingly at that. Now _that's_ a feat. A talent!" He buried his nose in my hair and inhaled.

No! Only Anthony does that! I tried to buck him off but he's too heavy and doesn't move, only tightens his grip.

"Oh there's the fight. For a minute I thought you were giving in. I missed your fight over the last month. Even on the train you were fighting me. Fighting your fate, you are mine, no one else's. So tell me?" His voice has grown cold, hard. This voice scares the shit out of me, no wonder he used seductive whispers for everything else. This voice made you want to run screaming or put his gun to your own head and pull the trigger so you didn't have to hear it anymore. "How many times have you fucked the cop?" Disdain and pure hatred dripped from every word he spoke. What difference does it make if I slept with Anthony? "Come on Brenna," He wrapped the portion of my braid next to the nape of my neck around his hand and pulled making my head turn awkwardly to look at him. "I took your virginity. I own your pussy and my dick will be the only one there! Tell me how many bullets I need to put in his head. One for every time you fucked him." I stopped breathing, he will never believe we haven't had sex. Never. As I lay there silently contemplating what to say I feel the gun pressed to the back of my head. Oh God! I gave in and tried the truth.

"We haven't." I whispered. He slammed the butt of the gun down on my head so hard I saw cartoon stars as pain exploded inside my cranium. Just keep him talking, Brenna. Anthony will be here soon! "Honestly! I swear it! I was too afraid. We haven't fucked!" I spit the last three words at him. Anthony would never 'fuck' me. His hand tightened on my hair and yanks sharply making me yelp. Lifting slightly off me he lets my hair go and spins me quickly, sitting his weight back on me before I even think about fighting. He grabs my braid again and wrenches my head back to meet his glower.

"Do I need to put a bullet in you to get the answer? You can fuck with a bullet in your leg." I feel the gun pressed barrel down on my thigh. I try to shake my head but he's holding my hair in a death grip.

"No! Please, don't. I'm telling you the truth! I haven't fucked him! We only touched! Nothing more! Please don't!" His ugly sneer lit up into a hideous grin. The gun and his grip in my hair relaxed slightly. At that point his face twisted and he pushed the barrel further into my thigh.

"Touched how?" Oh god was he going to make me say it? I shook my head before I thought of the ramifications. A loud noise startled me, then pain tore through my leg. I might have screamed before things went dark but I really don't know.

Have mercy.

****

I had looked everywhere up stairs and couldn't find Brenna. I was on my way back down hollering for Ryker when I heard what sounded like hoofs on the porch. What the...?

"What's that noise?" Ryker asked yanking down the curtain he'd tacked up for Brenna's privacy in one stroke.

"Sounds like hoofs. Did Brenna come back down? She's not upstairs." I opened the door as his 'no' rang behind me. Big Boy was trampling the porch, neighing loudly. I stepped out of the door, he backed off the porch and knelt. "Why is Big Boy kneeling for me?" This horse hated men. Only Brenna has ridden him...... Ryker breaks in to my thoughts.

"Looks like he wants you to ride him. Maybe he wants to throw you for upsetting Brenna." He chuckled. "Wait. Why is he out of the pasture?" He looks long and hard at the horse then turns to me. "Where's Brenna, Tony?" We locked gazes and Big Boy neighs louder. Almost like he says 'Hey idiots I'm trying to take you there! Get the hell on!'

Ryker runs back into the house as realization that something's wrong hits, there were some muffled voices before the boys are moving everywhere. Ryker returns, he's placed a hand gun in the waist of his pants and clipped a radio on his belt. My revolver is in its usual place on my hip but I tucked the one Ryker handed me in my back waistband. We both headed towards the horse, he doesn't balk and lets us both mount him. Trystin was on the porch, while the other guys have ran for the barn to mount.

"I'll call the sheriff. Then be right behind ya." He made to go back in the house when Ryker hollered after him.

"Trystin call an ambulance, just as a precaution, she's already hurt." Trystin's head drooped as he picked up his pace into the house.

"Let's go Big Boy." We were off full tilt heading for the stream before 'go' left my lips.

"Pull him up before we get to close so we can sneak in on her. We don't know for sure he's there, Tony." Ryker's voice rang in my ear. I nodded. "The radio will be on silent. The boys can hear me, we won't be able to hear them." I nodded again. He took the radio from his belt and spoke to Brenna's boys. "We are heading for the stream. Everyone knows her spot. Circle it, not close. Leave us room and be extremely quiet, not a sound boys! Whatever you do, do not move in unless I tell you to. You could get her killed. No Hero's Gentlemen!" A scream stuck in my throat, only Brenna called them that. He hung the radio back in its place and said "God I hope they listen. They'd every one die for her."

I pulled Big Boy up short and dismounted. We started forward and the horse followed. I turned to address Brenna's best boy. "Big Boy you have to stay. He will hear you. Wait here so you can carry her out when we get her back." Crazy enough the horse nodded his head and sat down on his haunches to wait. Damn Horse. We started towards Brenna's spot. "I swear that horse scares me." Ryker chuckled softly beside me. We crept up the small path silently.

We began hearing voices before we hit the bend in the trees.

"Do I need to put a bullet in you to get the answer? You can fuck with a bullet in your leg." My breath caught and I looked to Ryker.

"Tony, don't do anything stupid or we won't get her out alive. You heard him, he has a gun." I knew he was right. My training knew he was right. However my heart was telling me to run to her.

"No! Please don't. I'm telling you the truth! I haven't fucked him! We only touched! Nothing more! Please don't!" Her strangled cry broke my heart. That's what she was refusing to tell him? What the fuck game was he playing at?

We were almost to the edge of trees where the path bent back in to the river. Any second we would be visible if he was facing this way. Ryker pointed to the ground and we both dropped to our bellies and crawled forward to assess the situation.

"Touched how?" His voice was pure evil. He wanted her to tell him how I touched her? Damn this man was fucked up.

The gun shot rang through the forest with an echo that wouldn't go away. I stopped breathing. Her scream pierced the night sky drowning out everything else. Oh My God! He shot her!

I heard Ryker whisper into the radio to stay put, no one move. As I was trying to rise Ryker pulled me back down. "Tony! He's sitting on her! Look at them! He shot her leg. She'll be okay unless we run in there and he puts a bullet in her head! Now lie the fuck back down!" He was whispering as loudly as he dared this close. He was right. I would get her killed if I took off running in there, I knew this, I was trained for this. Nonetheless I have never loved the person on the other end before and I was not thinking like a cop. I was thinking like a boyfriend. Voices permeated the blood thundering through my ears.

"Wake up, Love." Ryker was right, I could see him now. He was slapping her face trying to get her to come around. She must have passed out from the pain. He slapped her hard across the face and she moaned. "That's it Angel, look at me." No wonder she flinches. That name on those lips dripped malevolence. She mumbled something unintelligible to me. Whatever it was pissed him off. He hit her with his fist to her jaw. Her head snapped to the side, making me cringe. "He won't be saving you today bitch! You hear me! You are mine!!! I marked you with my personal symbol!" He shook her violently, her head flopping back on the ground. She couldn't take much more, we needed an opening. "Do you know what it means?"

"No." she mumbled out.

"Of course you don't, neither did your asshole cop either!" He leaned down and kissed her quickly then rose and said seductively, slowly sounding out each syllable, "To covet." He laughed and it was as if the devil himself was by that stream. "So you see, YOU. ARE. MINE!" He bit out each word.

"No! You will have to kill me before that will ever happen! I'm only Anthony's!" She screamed her voice full of pain and determination. My heart swelled. She was still mine!

"I'll show you who you belong to! Your Mine! " He abruptly took her mouth in his and kissed her deep and punishingly. She struggled but he restrained her easily enough with one hand. The other was fumbling with the gun and trying to squeeze her breast at the same time, all the while he ground his hips roughly into her. She whimpered and struggled harder.

"Get Brenna out of the way, Now!" Came the whisper beside me. Ryker was on his feet and running silently towards them before it registered what he meant. I stayed put, I wasn't that quiet and would draw attention to him if I tried to go to her now. He tackled Jerk Face and they rolled off Brenna. I took off.

I reached her and began dragging her towards the woods. I didn't dare pick her up and give him a better target if he broke free of Ryker.

Jerk Face and Ryker were wrestling on the ground nearby. A gunshot sounded and Ryker slumped forward.

"NOOO!" Brenna's scream brought his attention to us. He slowly stood, turned and pointed his gun...at me.

"Well now isn't this convenient. The hero comes to save the day and gets to die for her instead. Let me see if you will tell me what my Angel there wouldn't." He was moving closer as he ranted, his temper was rising, his gaze dropped to Brenna's hands, one at my back and the other my hip, and his eyes flared. I tried to move in front of Brenna. "Oh, no you don't lover boy. Don't move or I will shoot her again, maybe in the other leg? From here I won't be as good of a shot, might miss." His smile was so full of malicious intent I knew right then one of us was going to die tonight. I stopped, never leaving my original position. "Now tell me how many times did you fuck my future wife?" God he was deranged.

"None. I don't see _your_ future wife here, only _mine_." I smirked.

"Wrong answer." He said deceptively soft.

His finger twitched.

A shot fired.

Red bloomed out of a perfect chest wound on Jerk Faces chest.

He dropped to the ground presumably dead.

I looked to Ryker who was facing us but not holding a gun. He tipped his head at Brenna. I looked down to see she was holding the revolver that was tucked in my back waistline, still pointed at her target. Her hand was surprisingly steady.

"Is he dead?" She whispered.

"You want me to go look?" I asked in my calmest voice.

"I'm not moving this gun till someone says he's dead!" Her voice was strong but tears had started streaming down her face, pain or emotions or both causing an overload.

"I'll be right back." I make to leave and Ryker grunted. I swiftly looked to him, he is up on all fours crawling towards Jerk Face. When he reached him he collapsed with his hand on the man's neck.

"He's gone, Darlin'. You got him." He replied proudly as sirens wrench the air. Ryker pulled the man's wallet from his back pocket and read, "Riley Jones, Philly address. Business card says he's a computer analyst." I nodded and he tossed the wallet in front of Riley's body. Ryker rolled on his back with a moan, then turned up the radio to give instructions to Brenna's boys. When he's done he pulled his shirt awkwardly from his body and threw it at me. "Stop the bleeding in her leg." Then he collapsed back to the ground his hand pressed to his bleeding shoulder.

I grab the shirt and tuck it under her leg where the bullet exited. Then I removed my own and applied it to the top of her thigh. She gasps. However the aim of the gun has not left her attacker. "Honey?" She did not flinch. "You can drop the gun now." I reached up to take it and she tightened her grip.

"You know all those movies you and my boys have forced me to watch. The ones where the woman thinks the bad guy's dead, checks to see if he's dead, only to relax and he jumps up and attacks her from behind?" I tip my head in acknowledgement a smile tugging at my lips. "Nope, not gonna be me. When those cops I hear get here, I will lower the gun. Not till then." Well, she had a point there.

"Okay Bren. Okay." So we sat there her holding the gun on the body of the man that terrorized her and me holding her as all hell breaks loose around us.

****

Is it really over?

That is the only thought going through my head as we sat by the stream. My arms are getting tired but I refuse to drop the gun. Someone's talking to Anthony but I'm too far gone to actually pay attention to the words.

"Don't touch her!" Anthony, Ryker, Noah, Trystin, and I think Kendrick all yelled together. I blink. When did my boys get here? Who are we talking to? I look around me and a uniformed officer is squatting close beside me.

I cocked my head at him. He looks expectant, nervous even. He held his hand out and said simply, "The gun?" I looked at my hands then to Riley's dead body.

"Is he dead?" I believe I shouted but the cop leaned in like he couldn't hear me.

"Yes, Ma'am." There is a quizzical look on his face.

"Are you sure? You aren't getting this gun till I'm sure he isn't going to pop back up and shoot me again." The cop tried to hide his smile as he looked back to the body and strategically covered his mouth with his hand.

"Do you want me to check again, Ma'am?" His voice is laced with humor, he hasn't looked back at me.

"Please, sir. I would appreciate it very much. Thank you." I stated sweetly. He stood and walked firmly over to Riley. He reached down to feel for a pulse at the neck then at his wrist.

"No pulse ma'am. It was a clean shot." He sauntered back towards me.

"Of course it was a clean shot. After shooting snakes in the hen house back home he was a big target. Now he can't hit me with that damn gun again." The cop sobered as I rubbed my cheek. I handed him the gun butt first.

"Ma'am you really need to be looked at. The EMT's are working their way back here but it's taking some time with the gurney." I looked to Ryker who is sitting up a few feet from me, a couple EMT's already with him.

"Hey Ryker? You okay, Darlin'?" His laughter is a short bark then he stills.

"Oh, don't make me do that again." He groans. "Yes, Darlin', I've had worse, I'll live. How's about you?"

"They say I have to ride a gurney. Do you?" You could hear the very prominent pout in my voice.

"Nope just a shoulder wound. I can walk." He replied overly cheery.

"Well, hell." My boys chuckled around me. My language has been deteriorating fast since being around these men. And they knew it!

Over Ryker's shoulder I see Big Boy. He was standing back in the woods just watching me. "I'm okay Big Boy!" I shouted, cringing with the pain it caused in my head, maybe the gurney wasn't such a bad idea, not like I can walk. Anthony jumps at my loud tone. His head turns several ways looking for the horse. "Over Ryker's shoulder in the woods." I whispered. He zeroed in on him and nodded to the horse. Big Boy puffed his chest up and pranced over to me. Straight through male cops, EMT's, my boys, everyone. When he reached my side he carefully laid down beside me tucking his feet under himself.

Everyone in the clearing has stopped moving. Of course the onlookers not from the ranch don't realize that this horse is afraid of men. They don't understand the significance of him walking into a large group of mainly men, lowering himself below them and staying there, just to check on me. The ones that do, gape.

I wrapped my arms around him and whispered "We are both healing now that we found our safety, Big Boy. You did well. Thank you." He nudged my hand and I scratched his ears. He threw his nose towards his back before looking pointedly at Anthony. Then did it again. I made eye contact with him. A flash of a picture came of Anthony and Ryker dismounting him, Anthony telling Big Boy he couldn't follow, he needed to wait to carry me out of here. My vision cleared, I giggled then stopped abruptly. Ow! Dang my whole body hurt.

"What's so funny?" Anthony is still sitting on the ground beside me, his legs spread so I'm between them, still applying pressure to my leg.

"You bribed my...Ryker's horse, huh?" Confusion overtook him giving him the cutest expression. "Oh God, don't make me laugh."

"How did I bride your horse?" Now he was grinning. Big Boy snorted and looked at his back, me, then Anthony. He was saying 'I'm waiting!'

"He's trying to tell you he's ready to carry me out like you told him he could." His mouth dropped open. He caught it quickly and shut it with a snap.

"You amaze me sometimes. You know that?" He laughed. "You are in no condition to get on that horse." Big Boy snorted.

"They said they were having trouble with the gurney coming in, they'll have more trouble going out and I'm bleeding all over the place. Come on. Lift me up side saddle. He'll walk slowly and you can hold on to me."

"No. I will get on with you so you don't pass out and fall off." Big Boy nodded his approval.

So to the complaints of everyone one but Ryker, who was grinning, Anthony sat on the back of Big Boy and carefully pulled me into his lap. Big Boy rose with grace, his head held high with me tucked in Anthony's arms on his back, he very painstakingly walked me to the awaiting ambulance. A ride fit for a Queen.

### Chapter Twenty-One

It was eight a.m. Monday morning. They had been keeping Brenna sedated since the surgery, they stopped the drugs yesterday expecting her to wake, she hasn't. The bullet had shattered the bone and they went in to repair saying it would only take about five hours. It took nine. No one knew she was allergic to the antibiotic they gave her prior to going into surgery, a precautionary step to help with infection, she went into anaphylactic shock while they operated. Beings she was in the hospital it was swiftly taken care of, however it slowed the procedure down considerably. She was finally in a room, the swelling in her brain from the blows to her head had gone down and no longer concerned them as much, hence the no more sedation, the cuts on her face and back of her head from the butt of the gun had been stitched, her shoulder blade was cracked and her arm was firmly wrapped against her body so she couldn't move it, her ribs were only bruised, her leg was elevated and she was still asleep thirty-two hours after arriving at the hospital.

I required nothing more than her to wake up, to see those beautiful green eyes staring back at me, to apologize for being an ass and I longed to tell her I loved her. I needed that desperately. I almost lost her.

A sob caught in my throat as I remembered listening and watching what that man did without being able to move, it was not only terrifying but induced enough rage to kill him bare handed. I had never wanted to commit murder so badly before, I did that night.

When Trystin said he had waited for a clear shot and it had been the hardest thing he had ever done, I thought 'yeah, okay, whatever. You should be at the wrong end of a junky needing his next fix holding a knife to his pregnant girlfriend's throat!'

I was wrong! I'll face a million more junkies with knives before I ever want to see Brenna hurt again knowing I could only watch. The scene would haunt me for the rest of my life. Hopefully a life spent making it up to her.

A tear escaped and trickled down my face at the same time a large hand landed on my shoulder. Quickly I wiped it away, tilting my head slightly to acknowledge Ryker but keeping my eyes on Brenna.

"How's our girl?" He asked quietly.

"They said good. Time will tell more with the concussion and swelling." I sighed. "I never did ask, how's the shoulder?" I felt like a horrible friend, but I had other things on my mind.

"I'm good. Through and through, hit nothing important. Some stitches fixed me up. I had worse in the army." His voice was drawn and tired. I finally drug my gaze from Brenna to check him over. He somehow had replaced his shirt and had on clean pants, however I don't remember him ever leaving me for more than a few minutes after he returned from the ER himself. His eyes were crinkled with worry, a frown presently fixed on his lips, and his brows furrowed low over his eyes that told of sorrow, death and destruction. Ryker had been through hell and back in the army. He had been taken prisoner and tortured in Afghanistan during a routine stop to help a town. He lost several men that day. He was never the same afterwards. I'm sure being shot brought some of that back.

"Someone brought you more clothes?" It was only then I notice the duffle bag at his feet.

"Noah. He also brought some things for Bren and you, in here." He nudged the bag with his toe.

"Tell him thanks." I turned back to Brenna. If only she would wake up.

"You going to make this right, Tony?" He asked quietly. Aww hell.

"As soon as she's awake, Ryker. I'd tell her now but she won't hear me. I want her to hear me." I felt the prickle behind my eyes and blinked rapidly to make the tears go away. "I knew I screwed up the minute the words left my mouth. I will fix my stupidity. Hopefully she's willing to forgive me." I dropped my head into my hands and scrubbed them over my face. I felt Ryker pat my back.

"She'll be up giving you a hard time in no time, man. She's a fighter, that one. The way she told Riley she was only yours knowing he'd hurt her for it. Yeah, I'd say she'll forgive you, might take her a few days, but she has that right. You royally fucked up. You don't accuse a woman like that of cheating on you. That woman has never looked at a single man on the ranch the way she looks at you. She loves you." How I wish that were still true. I stare at her face contemplating what to say to her.

"I love her, Ryker." I whispered. I had to say the words, I needed someone to hear it and she couldn't. I felt the tears start to fall but did nothing to make them stop. I just closed my eyes and hung my head. I needed her. Ryker's hand squeezed my shoulder.

"I know, Tony." We stayed there, him standing quietly beside me, my head down crying like a baby, sobs wracking through me, for what felt like hours. I just wanted her to wake up.

A light touch to my hair had me raising my eyes to the most beautiful sight in the world. Widened emeralds stared back at me with confusion and pain.

"Why are you crying?" She rasped out. Her throat must hurt from the tubes they had to use.

"I thought I lost you." I whispered to her, taking her hand in mine and lightly squeezing. I hear a faint click behind me and realize Ryker has left us alone. I'll have to thank him later.

"I was fine when they took me back. Why did you think you lost me? Did something happen during the surgery?" A sob caught in my throat. I closed my eyes and explained to her that she stopped breathing. After I'm done she just stared at me, eyes wide. "Except for recently I have never been to a hospital, let alone taken medication. I didn't know I was allergic to anything." She cocks her head pondering something, then asks, "Will you make sure they write down the name of the medication so I will have it, please. Wouldn't want to accidently do that again."

I just nod at her. How she takes the fact she almost died in stride I have no idea. "Do you need anything? A drink maybe?"

"Water would be nice." Her voice is still raw and she sounds like she has to force it out. Maybe now is not a good time to talk. Although I do need to at least apologize.

"Okay I'll go get the nurse and see what you can have. First I have to say something. I can tell it hurts to talk so just listen, Honey. Please?" I am amazed, she didn't flinch. She narrows her eyes but tilts her head to me giving me permission to continue groveling. I take a deep breath, at least she can't yell at me. "I'm sorry. What I said was uncalled for, unnecessary and plain old stupid. I was jealous and angry you didn't want to take me, but the twins. I was supposed to be protecting you, though it seems you could take care of yourself if I would have just given you my gun." I smiled at her and she frowned. I hurried on, not wanting to upset her.

"I shouldn't have accused you and Trystin of anything. I knew you wouldn't do that in my heart, but my brain screwed it all up." I exhaled loudly. This is not going as planned. "What I'm trying to say is I love you Brenna. You are perfect in every way for me. Your courageous, brave, determined, proud, loving, you care about everyone you meet, you're a fighter, and you bring out in me the man I want to be. A man you can be proud of. So I am begging you," I dropped to me knees beside her bed, "Please forgive my male idiocy." She opens her mouth to speak and I rise to place my finger over her lips, silencing her. "Don't speak. Just think about it while I get the nurse." I gave her a chaste kiss and left the room.

****

Anthony's apology was sweet, but truth be told, I wasn't angry at him anymore. In the big scheme of things, what's one argument? True, he didn't trust me, he didn't believe in me, but as he said the brain can mess things up that the heart knows already. Look at my fear of being touched. I knew in my heart Ryker or my boys wouldn't hurt me, but my brain told me otherwise, refusing to let me get close enough to be touched by or touch them. Something I plan on remedying as soon as I can.

First thing to do was not keep Anthony waiting. I had to forgive him. I would have when he was here, but he stopped me. I could tell by the fear lurking in his eyes he was petrified I wouldn't. I don't like that look in his eyes. When he comes back I must erase it. However for now I needed to just close my eyes for a minute......

When I forced them back open it's no longer daylight. Darkness has settled out my second story window with the stars twinkling in splendor. The clock by the window read eight o'clock. A soft ruffle of sound drew my attention to the chair beside me. Ryker is sitting with his legs propped up on the end of my bed, his head tipped back, deep in sleep. Someone has thrown a blanket over him that barely covered his large frame. It almost looks like a baby blanket draped across him, even though I know it is the same type covering my whole bed. He really is a large man. I glanced back to his handsome face and his concerned amber eyes met mine. A slow smile spreads over his face.

"Good evening, Darlin'. I made Tony go home to shower, he'll be back shortly. How are we feeling?" No flinch.

I smiled proudly and croaked out. "Thirsty, but good."

His smile slipped slightly then returned. "Does your throat hurt?" I nodded. He stood and reached for a cup on the table beside him. He held the straw to my lips and I took large gulping drinks. I really am thirsty. "Easy Darlin'. You don't want to upset your stomach." He is right of course and I slowed down minutely. Finally having my fill I let my head drop back on the bed.

"Your shoulder? I'm sorry I got you shot." I stare at the ceiling, peeking at him from the corner of my eye.

His smile deepens, his eyes soften, and he cautiously bends to kiss my forehead. "Darlin' he could have killed me and I wouldn't have minded if it meant we got you to safety. The shoulder's fine. A few stitches and it'll be good to go soon. No worries." He cupped my cheek with his hand not in the sling, looking at me with concern. "How are you taking things? I um... don't want to bring it up......"

"But?"

"Brenna, in the army I had to do things. Things that normal people don't, like taking other people's lives." He searched deep in my eyes, looking for something before he continued. "It's rough, hard to comprehend, hard to wrap your conscious around sometimes. How are you doing with shooting him?" Pain and horror ripped across his face as he talked. Wow, I never realized how much Ryker had gone through. Maybe that's why it seems he never sleeps.

"So far I'm okay. But I haven't been awake much since it happened." I take a deep breath and tell him what does bother me about this. "Ryker? Has there ever been anyone you had to kill that you knew was evil. You knew he had done horrible things to you and to others. No person should have to go through what that man put many through, including me. Was he supposed to die for it?" I dropped my head back on the bed breaking eye contact and slamming mine shut tightly. "In the end, I wanted him dead, Ryker." I whisper almost inaudibly. He squeezes my hand comfortingly. I exhale loudly trying to un-jumble my thoughts.

"I couldn't stand myself after the train. I know it was hard on y'all. I kept trying to convince myself that the first time, it was only sex, right? My heart didn't believe my brain. Until the night the fillies were born and I realized something. That night I started a mantra I still repeat today. 'I am alive. He did not take my life. I will live like I am alive.' I repeat it over and over for courage anytime I'm faced with something like touching someone or them touching me, even Anthony." I only murmured the last part, it was more for me than him.

Ryker reached over and wiped the tear that tracked down my cheek away. "I had almost forgiven him of the first two attacks, thinking he wouldn't find me, I was safe with you and Anthony. I prayed each night he was caught but I wasn't dwelling on it anymore and was trying to heal. I only wanted legal justice so he couldn't do it to someone else. I let myself fall for all thirteen men on the Rowdy R Ranch. Two in particularly." I smiled sheepishly and chanced a fast glance his way, he was grinning.

"Then town happened. My boys got me to Anthony as safely as they could and I love them for it. I know Trystin took it extremely hard having to watch that man hit me. He really wanted to shoot him in the parking lot." I shook my head remembering him ranting in the truck as we made our way home. He wanted the guy to try to hit me again so he could blow his head off. Crazy kid.

"Still I didn't want harm to come to the man. Justice maybe, but not harm. He was a human being even if an evil one." Ryker ran his hand down my arm comforting me. I took a steadying breath. This would be the hard part to admit.

"Even after he had me pinned and was beating on me I felt the same, when he threatened to shoot my...um," I smiled embarrassedly and met his gaze, "your horse, a flash of downright anger overtook me, but soon I forgot it in my fight to live. Even when he put that gun to my leg and pulled the trigger, justice is what I wanted. Not death. However when I heard the gun go off and saw you fall, my heart was ripped in two. My anger flared hot and bright." I closed my eyes thinking of what came next, I tried to keep my voice steady, but was sure it wouldn't stay that way. "Then he pointed the gun at Anthony." Tears started streaming down my face unchecked. "Red hot anger turned to burning rage, I saw in my head that if he killed Anthony he would be essentially killing me. I don't want anyone but that man. The thought then flitted through my head that if he killed Anthony and tried to leave with me in tow, he would kill some if not all of my boys." I fought back the sob clawing at my throat.

"I couldn't let that happen. I felt the gun at Anthony's waist and slowly moved it out. When Anthony said I wasn't his future wife, the wrath in that man's eyes told me Anthony was dead. I only wanted Riley dead in _that_ moment. I wanted him dead so he couldn't hurt my boys. _All_ of you. So no, I'm not having trouble with it. He was going to take my life. He had already hurt you, my strength. He was aiming at Anthony, my heart. Next he was after my boys, my soul. He would not take my _life_! Strength, heart and soul, you all _are_ my life." I met Ryker's gaze steady and sure. He tilted his head still watching me.

A noise from my left drew me away from Ryker's gaze. Every man from the ranch was standing in the door way. A few, Anthony included, were crying, more were gaping and some were smiling. It dawned on me they had not just gotten there. They had heard at least part of that speech. I briefly made eye contact with Anthony, but embarrassment and shame for what I said made me look away. What must he think of me for wanting to take a life?

****

_Ryker was her strength, the boys were her soul, and I was her heart._ We were her life.

_I don't want anyone but that man_..... Me! She wanted me!

It kept repeating over and over in my head. She met my eyes briefly then lay back carefully in her bed and turned her head towards the window, embarrassed I think. Her ears were as red as her hair. I stepped up to her bed, Ryker ran his hand down her arm in comfort never taking his eyes off me. When I looked to him confused, he mouthed "No flinch." He smiled and patted my shoulder.

"The boys and I'll be back in _five_ minutes." He turned and ushered them all out of the room repeating, "Five minutes, Tony!"

Alone with Brenna I walked to the other side of the bed and squatted down to catch her gaze, tears were leaking out of the corners freely. I cautiously reached up and cupped her cheek. Ryker's right, no flinch.

"How are we feeling?" She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath then opened them and met my gaze.

"Sore, my head is pounding and my leg throbs, but I'm alive." She reached over and smoothed my too long hair off my forehead. "All three parts of me are alive and well." She smiled timidly, then whispered, "You're forgiven. I love you."

I closed my eyes in appreciation of those words. I leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you too." I whispered with our lips still touching, my breath tickling her mouth. She smiled and deepened the kiss.

There was a rap at the door and Ryker's head popped in. "All good in here?" I growled and let her mouth go.

"You said five minutes." I scowled. Surely it had only been two.

"Um...Tony. It's been _fifteen_." He cocked an eyebrow at me and his smug face really needed punching. Brenna giggled softly, stopping abruptly.

"Ow." She whispered, then stronger she added, "Yes Ryker. Let me see my boys. I want to check each one for bullet holes to make sure they are safe." She smiled brilliantly up at him. He returned the grin and left. "Anthony, in about ten minutes can you get me pain medicine? I just want to check on my boys first." She looked like she needed it now, her eyes were drooping with dark circles under them and her features were pulled tight with pain.

"If you're in pain, they can come back." I growled out, annoyed.

"No please. Ten minutes is fine." The sweet smile on her lips was not to be denied. I gave a curt nod as the door opened and in came her boys, Trystin and Kendrick leading the pack.

### Chapter Twenty-Two

Today was my birthday, I hadn't told anyone yet. After the fiasco with Anthony's birthday I really didn't want any fuss. It was also Thanksgiving. With many protests from my boys I was going all out for the Thanksgiving feast. I had turkeys and hams in the ovens. Green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni and cheese, homemade Cranbury sauce, caramelized sweet potatoes, and every pie you can imagine ready to be warmed up when the time was right. And for my soft spot that cannot have ham or turkey due to allergies, I have two hamburgers ready to grill. Trystin was decorating us a cake at the island, Anthony was at the table watching me closely for fatigue, Ryker was leaning on the door jamb double checking Anthony's work, and Kendrick was there to do my heavy lifting. With the crutches I couldn't maneuver things around very well.

It had been three weeks since Riley Jones interrupted our cozy ranch. I was feeling much better in the last few days, my leg was healing nicely and I was able to release my arm from the sling this week, the Doctor said the shoulder was healing clean. My ribs only smarted with heavy lifting or fast movements. Meaning I still couldn't run on Big Boy, we did walk a lot though to Anthony's shouts and complaints about screwing up a good surgery by getting on that damn horse.

My stitches had been removed, only a small scar was left on my cheek. Anthony and I discussed having it removed, I could afford plastic surgery if I wanted it, but we agreed it was a part of me now, to remind me I had the most wonderful thing in the world, a life.

Anthony just came back from Philly two days ago. He was gone almost a week, leaving me in Ryker's capable hands, grudgingly I might add. He closed out my case and packed up his office. He was officially no longer a detective. He was a rancher and he was happy.

He also had stayed at my apartment two nights while he was there and boxed up all my belongings, not that I had much. I think he only stayed one night but didn't want to hurt my feelings that I had so little to pack it didn't take him long. He says he took my stuff to his place and it will all be moved together. He has hired a company who are shipping it all here. Hopefully it will be here by next week.

Ryker is letting us stay in the big house instead of the men's housing. We would have to share a home with Greyson if we did that. Six houses, each sleep two men, eleven men total not counting Anthony. No room for a woman there. Not the best arrangement for a couple, well it wouldn't be if we were having sex, which we're not. It's funny now that touch doesn't bother me as bad, even though sex still scares the crap out of me, Anthony has not touched me sexually since before Riley's last attack. He insists I need to heal first.

Don't get me wrong, this is sweet of him but he won't even let me help him out in anyway with the situation. I even offered to sleep in my room and he refused. These days just lying down next to him he gets hard. It's promising for later, but discouraging for now. Maybe tonight I'll wear the lingerie I bought him for his birthday. He hasn't seen it yet, however thanks to Kendrick he has been bugging me relentlessly about what I bought that Kendrick had to peek at to see what it was when he was with me when I bought it. I laugh inwardly as I work, he's clueless.

Anthony also brought back some files from Philly that he sat me down with last night. It seems twenty-five years ago there was a man named Thomas O'Riley that raped and murder twenty seven women in a twenty year span. Tony had been handed the case shortly after arriving in Philly. The thing that stuck out was the man would draw a red 'x' on the female's stomach before he killed them. He believes this man was my father. He was captured four years ago and died in a prison fight before he ever made it to trial.

The picture was eerily familiar. My red hair and green eyes stared back at me making it very hard to deny him. Tony believes mom was his first victim and she knew him. Either he was interrupted or he couldn't go through with killing her. It was a shocking revelation, but it was nice to at least know who he was. Anthony had a copy of the man's medical records also just in case I ever needed it. He was allergic to the same medication they gave me in the hospital.

I also noted to Anthony that his last name was the same as the people who owned the land my mother and I lived on for all those years. It further proved he had a soft spot for my mother.

**

It's two o'clock and all thirteen of my boys were around the table. The feast is laid out in plenty and love, friendship and family surrounded us all. Ryker, at the head of the table stands proudly.

"Ahem. I just wanted to thank Brenna for this feast she has made for this festive day of Thanks, by the way I still say she shouldn't have done it on her leg but she wouldn't listen." He glares at me, I stick my tongue out at him to the delight of my boys. I have become much more relaxed around all my boys, but Ryker was my favorite. "Before we continue with tradition I want to say my own thanks this year. I want to thank all the men for their hard work, commitment and friendship." His gaze meets every man's eyes. "I also want to say welcome officially to Tony, our new manager." He tilts his head to Anthony.

"I also want to thank Tony. Thank you for bringing this beautiful, vivacious, breath of fresh air of a young woman into all our lives. Ms. Brenna you have made a difference in this place in the two months you have been here, that I thought I would never see. My men, sorry Ma'am, Brenna's Boys are happy, well fed and taken care of." He shoots a glance at Trystin and I remember the night I had to explain to him why I had to make special foods for him. He was not happy to know he'd been here almost four years without him telling him this. "I also have a surprise for you Ms. Brenna." His words of praise embarrass me. My whole body is covered in a bright crimson blush. He walks around Anthony, who is seated to his right, to stop by me. He kneels down beside me and takes my hands in his. I haven't flinched at Ryker or Anthony's touches or endearments since the hospital.

"You are one special lady. I want to thank you for coming to the Rowdy R Ranch and reminding me of something." He lowered his voice where only I could hear and looked me in the eyes, "After the army I was just going through the motions, now... I am alive, they did not kill me. I will live like I am alive." A tear trickled down my cheek as my words were repeated back to me. I sharply nodded my head in acknowledgment that he was healing too. He rose and stepped back clearing his throat before continuing loud enough for all to hear once more. "Big Boy is now yours." My eyes widened and my jaw fell off my chair and hit the floor. "That damn horse won't have anything to do with anyone but you anyways. He's all yours, Darlin'." Tears freely flowing now as I struggled to stand and wrap my arms around his neck. Touching Ryker no longer bothers me. His hugs are warm, brotherly and safe. "Happy Birthday, Brenna." He whispers in my ear. I pulled back sharply. How does he know? By my shocked expression I'm sure he knows what I'm thinking.

"Your boyfriend was a cop. You didn't think we'd find out?" He smirked. I twisted my head around to Anthony who was red faced from trying not to laugh. He lost his battle when he met my shocked eyes. I glanced around the whole table, every one of them brats were grinning from ear to ear. They all knew. Well hell! So much for secrets, I sat down and pouted happily. Big boy was mine, a giggle ruined my full on pout. The table erupted in laughter.

Ryker took his seat and the boys began their Thanksgiving tradition of going around the table to tell what you were most thankful for this year. Some men were funny, thankful they bought a new truck or 'toys' as Ryker called them, some were heart felt for family or personal things. Trystin and Kendrick's surprised me.

They stood up together, removed their hats and turned to me. Kendrick began "Ma'am, we are both thankful for you. If it wasn't for you, Rosey would have trampled me and he" He hitched his thumb at his brother, "would have scared her into it. If it wasn't for you the twin fillies in the barn wouldn't be here. Also if it wasn't for you that damn horse and those two men," He pointed at Ryker and Anthony. "would still be miserable. Thank you, Ms. Brenna for coming into our lives."

Trystin took it from there. "If you wouldn't have saved my brother, and yes, I would have gotten him killed from panic, I wouldn't be able to function, he is my life. So in essence you saved me just as much as him. Not to bring a bad thing up, but that day in town as I was forced to stand there and watch that man hit you, hurt you, I vowed to myself and silently to you, that I would make it up to you. The fact we couldn't stop him sooner tears me up inside. If you ever need me Ms. Brenna, I am here for you. I owe you a debt I will pay. That day you taught me what brave and courageous was. It's you ma'am. Thank you." The men sat down quietly. Tears were streaming freely down my cheeks dripping into my empty plate. Even if I wanted to say something to them, I couldn't.

I stood shakily and Anthony jumped up to help me. Gently we made our way down the table to the twins. I pointed at Kendrick and motioned him to me, he stood and I engulfed him in a hug, it was short, but I did it without flinching. Then I opened my arms to Trystin, he flew into them and embraced me hard. He held on a little longer than I was comfortable with, but I didn't say anything, he eventually pulled back and sat. I made my way back to my place with Anthony's help.

"You're shaking something awful. You okay? Leg or hugs?" My man knew me to well.

"Both." I whispered. He nodded and sat me down as Noah gave his thanks next. And so it went. By my turn I was finally able to speak again.

I started to stand and Anthony stopped me. "I think you need to stay seated. You're still shaking like a leaf." He whispered in my ear. I felt him tense as he realized what he did, it didn't bother me, I was panic free. I smiled at him and sat back down.

"Sorry boys, the legs a little unstable." I smiled at them and continued. "I am thankful for three things. One is my boys. All thirteen of you." I smiled at all my boys. "All of you have touched my heart in one way or another. Yeah I know you're thinking that's all you can touch!" They chuckled. "But even with that I am getting better with you all." I smiled down to the twins then back to Ryker. He nodded proudly. "Trystin and Kendrick. I don't remember ever thanking you in all the chaos that went on that day, for saving my life. Thank you both. There was no doubt in my mind that you would stop him. I didn't know the guns were in the truck, mind you or I would have spouted off more to make it quicker. I knew when you had a plan, you'd activate it. I never had a doubt." Both men beamed at me. "Trystin, your offer is sweet, but you owe me nothing, Handsome. You already saved my life, that's enough for me." I winked at him and he blushed.

"Second, Ryker. The first time I saw you running at me swinging those massive arms of yours, I thought of bigfoot." The boys busted up with laughter. Ryker's ears turned pink. "But you have turned into my teddy bear and my strength. Thank you for letting me stay here, live here in your home, be loved here, be home here. I love you, brother." He stood and came to me wrapping his arms snuggly around me.

"I love you to, sister." He returned stoically to his chair.

"Third," I turned to Anthony, "Anthony. I'm sure you have wondered many times why I attached myself to you that night on the train." I lifted a brow as he slowly nodded. "After he did what he did, I stood on that train for hours, not one person asked if I was okay until the train stopped and the guy wanted to clean the floor. Not one single person. I know you were doing a job. But even your partner wore a jacket to deliberately screw with my head." He flinched. "You treated me with respect, the first person to do so since I left my isolated home. Your voice was soft, gentle and safe. I could have laid in that train and listened to you speak to me for hours, because when you spoke I knew I was safe." The waterworks had begun again, but not only for me, Ryker and Anthony were the only two in my vision but they were both scrubbing at their eyes.

"When I lost it you scooped me up and held on for the ride. I didn't want off that ride. I wanted to feel that safe forever. You have kept me safe and I hope you want to continue to do so. Thank you for the safety, patience and love you have shown me. Thank you for my life back. I love you." He grabbed me up in his arms and kissed me passionately to catcalls and cheers of my boys.

When he sat me back in my chair he had to clear his throat several times before he could speak.

"First I'm thankful for Ryker and his place. Started as a safe haven, now a home." They grinned at each other like teenagers with a secret. "Second, Trystin and Kendrick. I want to apologize for that day. For both accusations." He looked pointedly at Trystin, who nodded his acceptance with a smile. "You both did well. Thank you for bringing her home." Then he turned to me. He stood and pushed his chair back and knelt on one knee. My hand flew to my mouth.

"My sweet Brenna. The most important thank you is to you. You bring out the man in me that is true, kind and loving. I never thought I could be happy, not while I had to follow someone else's dream. You make me gloriously happy. I want to make my own dreams, with you. When I grabbed you that night on the train, I knew then I never wanted to let you go. As you said, I wasn't ready to leave that ride. I still don't. Would you do me the honor of continuing it for a lifetime? Will you marry me?" He held out his right hand and there in the center laid a simple engagement ring, a 1 carat diamond cut into a heart on a solid gold band. It was perfect.

"Yes." I whispered and threw my arms around him as he buried his nose in my hair and inhaled.

When we separated he took my hand in his and slid the ring onto my finger. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat as he sat back in his chair and only then did I hear the boys clapping and laughing. I looked around sheepishly at the proud faces of my new family.

"Alright! Let's eat Brenna's good food!!" With that we tore into our Thanksgiving feast.

****

After everyone was done with their meal Ryker made Brenna sit at the head of the table. Trystin brought out the cake he decorated in private earlier today. The other one he decorated was only a box covered in icing that way Brenna wouldn't know the cake she baked was for her. Not that we couldn't have made one, but hers tasted better, and she was making it anyway. So he had the icing on the box before she ever came in the kitchen and hers hidden in Trystin's home.

Trystin had delicately painted a portrait in the icing of Brenna on top of Big Boy. It was remarkable.

"Oh my God Trystin! I can't cut this!" Brenna exclaimed when she saw it. He laughed at her.

"Yes you can! Here!" He handed her a knife.

"NO! Wait!" She stood from her chair and I stopped her.

"What are you doing?" I asked exasperated. She needed to stay off that leg.

"I want to get my camera. I need a picture of it before I can cut it up!" The boys laughed at her as she prettily pouted and Trystin sighed.

"Brenna, please, sit back down. I'll be right back." He walked out of the room to return with a large package wrapped in brown paper. I moved the cake back out of the way as he laid it on the table in front of her. "This was supposed to be for later, but go ahead, open it." He stepped back with his arms crossed trying to look aggravated. His eyes were sparkling too much to pull it off.

She carefully untapped the package and removed the paper with a gasp. "Trystin! Did you do this?" He blushed. I walked around to see what was in the finely carved frame she had uncovered. It was a beautiful pastel rendition of Brenna and Big Boy, just like the cake. Her long hair flying out behind her, his feet off the ground, flying through the fields at high speed, her favorite place to escape to. I had never seen anything like it.

"Wow kid! You are talented!" I exclaimed and patted his back. He blushed deeper and tucked his head.

"Naw. It's just a hobby. Kendrick made the frame for it, so it's from us both. Ryker said we weren't to spend money, give her something we made ourselves. I didn't have much time so it's not perfect. I can take it back and fix a few things or do a different one if you don't like it." He wouldn't look anyone in the eye.

"Trystin? Have you ever shown anyone what you can do?" Came Brenna's tentative question. He only shook his head. She beamed, "Well, let me tell you something Handsome! Those ladies you like so much, would be very interested to know you can do this! Art...um... Anthony come here..." she had a flushed confused look on her face like she was trying to work that puzzle again. I bent down beside her and she whispers so softly I can barely make out what she says even though her lips are touching my ear. "What do you say when something makes you want um.. to ..you know!" I laughed. Busted up with big belly laughs!

When I composed myself I whispered back into her ear, still amazed she let me. "Art turns a woman on, is what I think you want to say." She nodded curtly. She was upset I laughed at her, but damn! Her innocence sometimes takes me by surprise even now.

"Art turns a woman on!" She said proudly. Trystin's jaw dropped to the floor as does every other man's in the room but mine. She giggled happily and studied her painting, oblivious to the shock in the room. "Can we hang this in our room?" She looks to Ryker.

"Definitely." He's smiling wide.

"Ahem. Now can we cut the cake?" Kendrick breaks in. She hands me the portrait and I put it away as she cuts her cake. No longer complaining now that she has the replica to hang. She serves each man a piece and they disperse in the yard. One by one they return and hand Brenna a package. They are wrapped in all manners, one is even wrapped in duct tape. She did not find Greyson's idea funny.

As Trystin said they were not allowed to spend money on the gift unless it was supplies to make it, like nails, paint or in Kendrick's case, glass for the frame. There were shelves for her room to hold varying items, knick-knacks, hair products, one was a drying rack for her personals. That one was because I complained one day to Ryker in the barn about her lacy things hanging in the shower driving me to constant hardness, I didn't know Noah was in the stall beside us. He made sure she knew why he had made it. He didn't want me to hurt myself on the horses because I was always hard! I was beet red by the time they had stopped laughing.

Brody had carved an intricate horse out of a tree limb, it looked a lot like Big Boy. Everyone had come forward except one person. Tate was standing at the back holding a brightly wrapped gift, his expression looked like he was fighting with himself over something. I leaned down and told Brenna I would be right back.

"Hey Tate. Your turn, man." I pointed to the gift in his hands and he blushed, I had never seen an Indian blush before. His dark skin turned an interesting shade of brown.

"I don't think... I can't..." His shoulders sagged and he shook his head. "I really don't think she will like it, Tony. They aren't that good." He kept his eyes low refusing to make contact.

"Hey man. This is Brenna we're talking about. If she accepted Noah's underwear drying rack with grace and excitement, nothing you have can possibly be denied by her." I smiled at his soft chuckle.

"Will you do it?" He thrust her gift at me like it was burning him.

"I think you ought to Tate. She loves you boys and I'm sure she would rather get a plastic cup full of dirt from you than the most expensive bobble from me. Come on." I turned and he followed like a puppy. Tate has been here the least amount of time, two and a half years. He is also the youngest on the ranch. We all have our suspicions that he was an abused child but no one has had the courage to ask him about it. He was very timid about compliments and reacted badly to fast movements close to him.

We arrived at her chair and he reluctantly stepped forward. "I'm sorry if it does not suit you Ms. Brenna. I tried to follow the rules." He handed her the package and stepped back his head still down. She cocked her head at him puzzling him out then un-wrapped her gift. Her gasp was of surprise I think. As a matter of fact all of us were shocked.

Inside the bright paper were two things, first was a wooden bowl that had been hand crafted and carved with very detailed patterns of ivy and flowers around the outside. It was exquisite. The second was a bracelet made of turquoise stones and leather cord. The stones had been carved into six little hearts spaced evenly around the cord. I looked up to Brenna and tears were running down her face. She looked to me and motioned me to help her stand.

After getting her to her feet she limped over to Tate and wrapped her arms around him. He hesitated and looked to me. She had never touched him, nor him her. I nodded to him it was okay and he slowly put his arms awkwardly around her.

"They are both amazing Tate. You made these?" She asked as she pulled away but left her hands lightly on his biceps to keep her steady. He nodded. "Can I ask a dumb question?" He shrugged. "Can I use the bowl? Or is it decoration?"

He looked surprised at her question. "Either. It is safe to cook with or to hold things like candy or keys." His eyes were wide and shocked.

"Oh! I could sit it on the counter with treats for my boys in it! Oh wonderful!" She clapped her hands excitedly and lost her balance. He caught her and quickly let go.

"Sorry ma'am." He mumbled.

"Oh, it's okay Tate. I'm getting better." She winked at him and he finally smiled at her, his confidence boosted. She held out the jewelry and he took it curiously. She held out her wrist and asked, "Will you do the honors?" He grinned and fastened the bracelet. "Excellent! Thank you, Handsome." She patted his shoulder then reached for me. I helped her back to her seat and kissed her cheek. She was amazing! She was mine!

### Chapter Twenty-Three

After much discussion the wedding was set for the next Saturday. Neither Anthony nor I had family, nor were there anyone not on the ranch we needed to invite. So everyone pitched together forming a small intimate ceremony in Big Boys pasture in front of the house. I baked the cakes but Trystin had free reign on decorating them. Believe it or not Noah picked out flowers unbeknownst to the rest of us and decorated the fences with beautiful arrays of yellow roses, my favorites. The men refused to let me cook for the reception, Ryker bar-b-qued instead. At least his meals are eatable, unlike some of the other men's.

Anthony and I went into town and I found a simple white dress that hung to my ankles subsequently covering my injured leg completely. Now that the bulky cast had been demoted to a less shapely wrap it was easier to camouflage the wound. It was a soft silky material Anthony said reminded him of my night gown. The bodice was tight before it flared out at the waist and fell in silky pleats to the floor with a small train behind it. It had long sleeves due to the chilly evenings, it wasn't cold in Texas but it did get a little cool at night. The ceremony was going to be at sunset so the sleeves were a must.

The biggest surprise of all was finding out Ryker was an ordained minister. In the army as a medic he was with a lot of men when they passed. He took the courses online so he could ease their conscious and help them pass on. So to my great pleasure, and Anthony's grumbling about losing his best man, Ryker was to marry us. Trystin was my man of honor and having lost Ryker, Anthony asked Noah to stand up for him, they had become pretty good friends over the last few months. He gladly accepted.

Now here it was time to walk, well ride, down the aisle. Trystin was escorting me in on Big Boys back. The stubborn horse had let only me put a lead rope around his neck for Trystin to hold on to but he let Trystin throw a pale yellow blanket over his back to keep my dress from having a dirty butt. He even let Noah put a few flowers tucked in his mane and tail. The horse must really love me to do that!

"Are you ready Ms. Brenna?" Trystin smiled up at me.

"As ready as I've ever been for anything, Trystin." With a nod and a smile we began walking up the 'aisle'. Trystin led me from the edge of the forest over to where the others awaited. Anthony was handsome in his tight starched wranglers, white dress shirt, pale yellow tie, black suit jacket and black Stetson hat. He even bought new boots for the occasion. Our eyes locked and the unadulterated love I saw there almost knocked me from my perch on Big Boy. Could I love this man any more than I do? It's hard to believe but I think I could.

With my heart pounding the blood through my ears I watched as Anthony sauntered over and plucked me off my horses back. He wrapped his arms around me and under my legs and carries me to the altar. This was his stipulation to ridding the horse. I didn't dismount or walk on my own. He was so worried about me hurting my leg even though it was almost healed. I gave in just because I liked being in his arms.

He sat me gently on my feet and Ryker began speaking. I couldn't take my eyes off my beloved soon to be husband. He was my heart, he was my home, he was my safety, he was my life.

**

After the ceremony was over my boys and I gathered to eat. Greyson took a few snapshots for memories and I changed into normal clothes. We ate and talked and danced. Yes I danced at my wedding, sort of. I was carried in my husband's arms around the dance floor, but we will call it dancing for memories sake. Soon the party died down, a rancher gets up early every day, not just weekdays. The boys headed to their homes and the three of us relocated inside. Ryker congratulated us and then informed us he was staying with Greyson tonight in the empty room, the house is ours for the night. He grabbed a bag by the door and left us staring after him dumbfounded.

"Did you ask him to do that?" I asked shocked.

"Nope. But it was mighty nice of him!" He smiled a mischievous smile at me. All of a sudden I'm in his arms and we are flying up the stairs. He pushes open his door and doesn't even bother shutting it. He lays me on the bed and leans down to kiss me. Breathless he pulls back and lies beside me. Drawing sensual circles on my belly he stares deep into my love filled eyes. "I need to ask you two things, Brenna."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "Okay? What?" He has me nervous. My heart is already racing thinking about having sex with him. I'm not sure if its fear, excitement or both making it pound.

"First, do you want to try this? I know we are married, but if you aren't ready, I can wait." He looks so sincere. His deep blue eyes shine with love and understanding, that's how I know I really do want this.

"Yes, Anthony. I can't promise I will make it through the first time, but if you're willing to keep being patient I would like to try very much. I love you and I _do_ want this. It's only fear holding me back. Not you." He smiled at me and tilted his head in understanding.

"Second, something we haven't discussed." He reached in his night stand and pulled out a foil package that he laid on my belly.

"What's that?" I whispered.

"It's a condom." My eyes grew to saucer size! I look from him to it and back several times before I see the humor in his face. My gaze stops on him. "Do you want to use that? Or do you want to chance it and see what happens? I am not opposed to having children. Your choice, Bren." Children? Do I want children? I think about that for some time while lying there beside him. He nudges the condom slightly higher and continues his sensual circles while he gives me time to work it out in my head.

Do I want to be pregnant? Carry a child inside me? No not a child, _his_ child. There is a difference. _His_ child I want. I want little Tony's running around. I started giggling uncontrollably at the thought.

"What is so funny?" He leans in and kisses me lightly while I try to compose myself.

"I was asking myself if I wanted kids and I thought. 'Yes I want little Tony's running...'" I couldn't finish, I was laughing hysterically. He made a sour face at me, however the humor dancing in his eyes and the smile tugging at his lips told me he thought it was just as funny.

He let me have my fun, when I caught my breath he asked, "Yes or no on the condom, Honey?" His eyes were serious and full of heat. They had darkened and dilated, I could feel little Tony at my hip. I sucked in my breath and stilled. He instantly moved back. That _wasn't_ my problem. Fire tore through me at the look burning in those blue pools of desire.

"No. No condom. What happens, happens." I whispered. I leaned forward and kissed him, deeply and passionately, hopefully showing him I was fine and wanted to continue. He returned the kiss with fervor, matching me stroke for stroke. Slowly he rolled to where he was partially on top of me. He broke the kiss from my lips only to trail soft scorching kisses down the column of my neck to the opening of my shirt. His fingers worked the top button loose as he trailed kisses further down my chest. Button to button he slid gracefully unclasping each and lavishing kisses where there was once material.

When he reached the last button he ran his tongue around my navel exploring each inch of my skin. His hands were at my waist, undoing my pants, but the sensation of him there did not register in my lust filled mind. I only wanted him to touch me more, I felt like I was craving his touch, I needed it to make the hunger growing in my body find release. He finally unclasped the button and drug down the zipper slowly with his teeth. He lifted my left foot then right, removing my sandals. Then slowly he slid my jeans and panties off and threw them over his shoulder with a smirk. He worked his way up to my breast, kissing every inch in between. Lifting me slightly into a sitting position he slid his hands in each shoulder of my shirt and slid it off my arms, also tossing it behind him, no smirk this time as he was too busy devouring my lips. I felt his fingers on the front clasp of my bra then it also was gone. I lay back naked in front of him, my husband. Unlike the first time he stripped me down this time I felt no shame, no embarrassment and very little fear.

He slid back down my body lavishing kisses and caresses as he went. He brought himself to a full standing position at the end of the bed and ripped the t-shirt over his head, his dress shirt and tie were gone soon after the wedding ended. He hastily divests himself of his pants, boxers, boots and socks then climbs back in bed with me gloriously naked. He stalks up to my thighs where he spreads my legs open. I tense. Not from the fear of him hurting me but from the fear of the unknown. This isn't like my first time, this wasn't with a maniac who wanted to covet me. This was my husband. My loving, patient, caring Anthony. I had no doubts by the time we were done tonight I would never fear intimacy with him again. I just had to get through the first time without a panic attack first.

"Not yet, Honey. Relax." His voice is calming as his fingers circled the outside edges of my heat. I do as I'm told. If he says not yet he means it. He's still lying between my legs, his head positioned directly over my most sensitive parts.

He looked up and met my gaze with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. I think he wants to know if I'm watching because he smiles wickedly before lowering his head and inhaling deeply...there! My mouth pops open and I squirm. Then I feel his tongue leisurely stroke my clitoris, I throw my head back and moan. Oh geez, that felt amazing! Anthony continued lavishing the area with sensual caresses, his talented tongue flicking over areas I didn't even know were sensitive sending me in a complete frenzy. Pressure is building higher and higher and I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

Very skillfully he inserted a finger and massages that sensitive area at the front at the same time he sucks my clit into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it. I bite my lip trying not to scream.

"We are alone. Scream if you want, Honey. All you want. Come on Brenna let go for me, let me see your pleasure." He inserts a second finger and circles them inside me, pulling and stretching me, it's too much. I burst apart in raging flames, my heads thrown back, and a screams ripped from my throat. I'm vaguely aware of him moving up my body. His hand is still moving, his palm pressing on my clit as wave after wave of pleasure bombard me.

Then his hand leaves and he's looming over me. I feel him...there! Pleasure is still spiraling through me as I feel him slowly press himself into me. I freeze. So does he.

"Okay?" He is only partially in but he feels so big. I breathe deep and nod my head. "Continue?" I bit my lip and nod again. "Open your eyes. Look at me. It's only me, Anthony." I do as I'm told and as soon as our eyes meet I feel my body relaxing. "Don't look away." His tone is soft but commanding. I nod again. I can feel his body shutter above mine as he holds himself still. After a few moments he begins to move forward again. This time keeping my gaze.

The fullness is bearable, but not extremely pleasurable at first. He stops again when I tense. He closes his eyes as his whole body is wracked with a shudder. I whimpered. One because his eyes left mine. Two, because that felt really good. His eyes popped back open. "Sorry." He panted out.

"Go ahead, I'm fine." He nodded stiffly. He continued his path this time a little faster. Finally he stills, sheathed hilt deep. He gives me a moment to acclimate then pulls back. My breath hitches and he stills at the opening.

"Again?" He asks. I nod vigorously. His lips quirk and he moves again all the way in then out. He stills. I whimper. Oh no, don't stop! That sensation is exquisite.

"Again." I say on an exhale. He moves, this time a bit faster. Same as before, he stills. I moan, and then shout "Again!" He chuckles and repeats himself, a little stronger this time. I can feel the pressure building. Once again he stills. This is beginning to piss me off. I tilt my hips up to his making him sink inside me. It's his turn to moan.

"Okay, Honey. Now we dance." He begins moving faster, harder, I match him stroke for stroke, thrust for thrust. The sensations coming from my body are erogenous and erotic, my skin is on fire, I feel like I'm going to explode. I reach up and pull him to me, kissing him with a punishing rhythm that keeps in tune to his thrusts. That's all it takes for my body to detonate! I come spectacularly, throwing my head back and screaming his name. He thrust once, twice more before his hips jerk and he stills leaving his seed deep inside me.

****

I am in heaven.

I rolled off Brenna to lie at her side to catch my breath. Good lord, that was amazing. Just like my wife.

"You okay?" I asked as soon as I can breathe.

"Yep." She breaths out letting the 'p' pop.

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked down at her smiling face, well that's a good sign. Her eyes are closed and her breathing has become even once more. I don't want to disturb her but I really need to know she is okay.

"Brenna, please look at me." Her eyes flutter open groggily. "Hey there, Honey."

"Hi." She smiles shyly at me. I just made love to the woman and she is shy. Unbelievable! I'm far from shy, I want to shout it from the roof tops!

"I need to know you're alright." I say anxiously. Her eyes open wider realizing I'm not relaxed.

"Yes, yes Tony I'm good. I'm better than good actually. I mean... Wow!" She smiles openly and brilliantly up at me with wonder and amazement in her eyes. No pain, no tenseness, no shaking. I finally relax.

"Good to hear." I smile devilishly down at her. "Would you do it again?" I ask her with a raised eyebrow. Her eyes grow large and she looks down at Little Tony, who's not so little anymore, pressed up against her thigh.

"So fast?" She looks lost and I chuckle.

"Not always. But tonight? Tonight is special." She seems to have outgrown her shock and tentatively reaches to touch him. I inhale sharply at the sensation.

"And how is it special?" She asks innocently as she strokes my staff.

My head drops back and I answer her on a sigh, "Because you are finally my wife." Momentarily she stops. I look to her and she is smiling from ear to ear.

She continued her stroking and said, "And you are my husband. I love you Anthony. You are my heart."

With that we take each other to total bliss many more times.

### Epilogue

The ringing of the phone pulls me from saddling my horse. I pull it from my pocket to see who could be calling this early on a Sunday morning. The bed in Greyson's bunkhouse was uncomfortable and lumpy causing me to get even less sleep than I normally did. When I thought to leave the house to Tony and Brenna for the night I never thought about the fact the bed in that room would suck. It's time I bought the men all new mattresses. Seeing Kai's name light up the display I give a grin, my mood brightening.

"This is Ryker." I know very well he doesn't call me that and he knows I know who it is even before I answered but I love to play with them. In our Army days picking on each other was the only way to get a laugh sometimes.

"Sarge, I received another box." My smile fades immediately. This was the second such box. The first one had contained a solidary picture of my old Army platoon. Every man but five were now dead.

"What was in it this time?" The first one was confusing to say the least because we had no clue the motive behind it but to receive a second? What was going on?

"It's a picture of you marrying your friend Tony and a redhead. Or at least that's what it looks like. Did you have a wedding there recently?" My heart lurches and stops.

"Yesterday. No one was here that shouldn't have been. It was only the ranch that attended." I growl out running the guests back through my mind. No one stood out.

"Well someone was able to take the picture and it's close up of the three of you. Not something from a distance unless they have a very high powered zoom lens."

"I'll look into it. Bring it with you the next time you visit me."

"There's more." At my grunt he continues. "There is a picture of each of us. That was yours. Phoenix's is him watching Alyssa from a distance. Beckett is at home in shorts and a muscle shirt. Keaton was leaving his mom's nursing home and I was guarding a client." It seems someone was in a threatening mood. There is no other way to interpret those types of pictures.

"Any idea who sent them?" Not that I expect him to but I have to ask.

"Not yet, Sarge." 'Yet' being the operative word because if it could be found out, Kai would be the one to do it.

"Keep searching. It's obviously a threat to each of us on what we hold close. I have faith in you that you will solve this. Let me know when you have more information for me."

"Certainly Sarge. Tell Tony congratulations from us here in California." With that the line goes dead leaving my bad mood to only get worse. Whoever this is who is threatening the men I am closest to will pay. One day I will find him and I will kill him. No one threatens my family.

Brenna's Boys

####

Thank you for reading the first adventure at the Rowdy R Ranch. I hope you enjoyed our time together and look for Ryker and Arabella's book, Ryker's Rules, available in e-format wherever digital books are sold and coming in print soon!

About Stacy Lee

Stacy Lee has lived in a small town in South Texas her entire life. She is a professional photographer by trade, but her passion lies in books. She spends her days with her husband and three children, and her nights reading or writing. Her writing career began early in life but was shelved for other activities, like making it to her next birthday without maiming herself. After marrying and having her children she once again picked up the habit of letting her emotions out on paper by writing stories for her growing children in order to get them interested in books and reading. It grew to a hobby she enjoys and loves. As the kids get older and two out of three still refuse to read she has found that writing for herself heightens the experience and is pleased to publish this first book, with the hope of many more to follow.

I would love to hear from you!

Questions, comments and corrections are always welcome!

_Contact me at_

stacyleebooks@gmail.com

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https://www.facebook.com/stacyleebooks

Or on the web at

Stacyleebook.weebly.com

More by Stacy Lee

(All books are in e-format

print coming soon)

Adult Romances

Rowdy R Ranch Adventures

1-Brenna's Boys

2-Ryker's Rules

3-Fighting Phoenix

4-Emmalina's Enemies

5-Protecting Piper

6-Loving Lani

7-Untitled-Coming late 2015

Dolva

1-King of His Destiny

2-Queen of Her Reality (Coming early 2016)

Paranormal Romance

Patronus Series

1-Dare To Be Loved

2-Serene Choices

3-Testing My Patience

4-Let the Chase Begin (Coming late 2015)

Young Adult

The Cloud Riders of Da-Nigh

1-Wings of a Phranoy

2-Bound Together

Book Three - coming soon

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