 
Welcome to the world of Brothers of Rock!

A series built on love, life, and rock n' roll romance!

Brothers of Rock Books 1 – 5 follow rock band Chasing Cross

You can visit Chasing Cross on their blog at www.ChasingCross.wordpress.com

Read about the band! Check out the album covers!

Don't miss a single book in the Brothers of Rock series!

All Access (Chasing Cross – Book One) – Johnnie, lead singer

Broken Sound (Chasing Cross – Book Two) – Davey, guitarist

Bitter Farewell (Chasing Cross – Book Three) – Danny, guitarist

Buried Notes (Chasing Cross – Book Four) – Chris, bassist

Last Song (Chasing Cross – Book Five) – Rick, drummer
Recently announced for 2014!

The Brothers of Rock series will continue with the band Fallen Tuesday!

Be sure to look for the books... or better yet, sign up for the official Karolyn James newsletter and you'll never miss a new release!

Sign up here - **tinyurl.com/KJSignup**

~**~

Also announced!

A brand new romance series set in the small North Carolina town of Kis Bay. Stories of love, redemption, heartache, and hope!

Coming fall 2013!

~**~

Stay social with Karolyn James here...

www.KarolynJames.wordpress.com

On Twitter @KarolynWrites

<https://www.facebook.com/KarolynJamesAuthor>

NOW... are you ready?

This... is...

BROTHERS OF ROCK!
With ALL ACCESS, a contemporary romance series begins that explores, life, love, and music. Join the five band members of Chasing Cross as they find that there's more to life beyond the stage.

BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Jess is caught off guard when a sexy stranger buys her a cup of coffee and asks her to sit with him. He's mysterious, nice, and even though he says the right things at the right time, Jess can sense that there's something hidden about him.

*

As Johnnie sits across from the beautiful woman, he can't believe she doesn't recognize him. Everyone does. It comes with the territory when you're the lead singer of one of the hottest bands in the world, Chasing Cross. With one more show to go before taking a small break in touring, it feels like luck is on Johnnie's side. That is, if he can find a way to tell Jess who he is, without scaring her off.

*

After her best friend begs her to come to a concert, Jess finds herself standing in the middle of a crowd. The lights are off, music begins, and the crowd erupts in cheers. She doesn't know much about the band, but that's all about to change. When the lights come on, Jess can't believe her eyes. The lead singer of the band is the man from the café.

*

Plucked from the crowd during the show, Jess makes her way backstage. The encore may have ended on stage, but the real show is just about to begin. Johnnie's passion quickly turns to romance but the more time he and Jess spend together, the more things get complicated. Johnnie has a big decision to make about himself and the band, testing his loyalty and love for the music, and when Jess's dreams start to come true, she starts to realize that true love exists, but it's not always an easy path to take.

(1)

Beth wasn't sure if love actually existed, but she wrote romance novels for a living and spent her days exploring the emotions of relationships. She had to smile and live in a world that believed in it all.

Jess Carcraft stared at her laptop screen, tapping her fingers along the keyboard, considering the opening to her new romantic thriller. The publisher set a rigid deadline on the book and Jess planned on delivering it earlier, wanting to make good with both agent and publisher. After a fluke run on her first novel, she managed to deliver a second book a few months later which the publisher now prepared to launch with a big push. Her literary chance now became a literary career.

In the second bedroom of an apartment that she could easily move out of, thanks to an advance on the second book, Jess sat in the same cracked leather chair at the same old black desk her mother bought her when she moved out at age eighteen. She huddled over the keyboard with a bathrobe on, a half empty cup of coffee already too cool to enjoy, and the images of murder and love racing through her mind. The images wouldn't come together for Jess though and she found herself ready to hit a writing wall. The opening line couldn't be the only work she'd get done this morning - or today - so she quickly changed gears.

She dumped her coffee, changed into casual clothes, ran a brush through her hair, and brushed her teeth. As she looked in the mirror, she judged herself acceptable to go outside and face the world. Hopefully just a small version of the world.

For all the success her name had, she was rarely recognized, mostly because the picture used on her website and for her books was the same picture of Jess standing with one leg up, wearing a long black coat, her lips blood red, her hair styled like she never had it before. They wanted to capture Jess as some kind of woman detective from a television show but the only expertise in detection that Jess had was when she lost her keys. And even then, it was a fifty-fifty chance of finding the keys in a matter of minutes.

She grabbed her laptop, slid it into her laptop bag, and left the apartment.

Sometimes going to a local café was all she needed to spark an idea. Between the regulars and people she never saw before, it operated like its own world.

Plus, Jess's debut novel started in a café, where the heroine met the hero over a cup of coffee and some casual conversation.
(2)

Johnnie stood on the balcony of the hotel, feeling the warmth of the sun as it climbed along his skin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting his body wake up. The night before had gotten a little out of hand, thanks to Danny insisting on celebrating with a bottle of whiskey.

One more show...

Johnnie could finally tell himself that.

One more show...

As the front man of chart topping rock group, Chasing Cross, the years on the road had taken their toll on everyone in its own special way. Millions of albums sold, tours that crossed the globe, awards, and most important of all, the loyal fans, were what kept the band going. While some bands saw themselves implode in the limelight of success, the guys of Chasing Cross only seemed to grow closer.

Johnnie told himself part of it was because of his younger brother, Danny. It was something extra special to have his actual brother there with him on stage every night. Each time Johnnie looked over at Danny, it took him back to their childhood as they both played guitar (horribly at that time) to their favorite songs. Separated by only a year, they were more like twins than big and little brother. Johnnie did stand an inch higher than Danny and Danny did have a more boyish look, but there was no denying the two men were brothers.

This leg of the tour was coming to an end tonight, followed by a month long break before picking back up in Spain and traveling Europe for another two months. The idea of world tour had been such a dream and now Chasing Cross did it every year or two.

Johnnie leaned against the railing and looked down at the street below. He looked for inspiration, considering more about life than he ever had before. Ten years ago, when Chasing Cross started, Johnnie was in high school. They got some friends together to jam and after a couple years of changing band members, a group finally stuck. Back then, they could write about the potential of life. Big hits about parties, women, love, and learning to live. The record label just released their newest album - EightNine - less than six months ago and they were already hounding for more music. Sometimes Johnnie felt that music had become somewhat disposable, but the second he stepped on stage and saw the thousands of fans waiting, cheering, and singing every song back to him, those thoughts disappeared.

A song played in Johnnie's head and it made him close his eyes and shake it away. It wasn't a song for the band. It was a song for... something else. Something else that Johnnie didn't want to think about, not right now at least. He looked over his shoulder at the partially opened door to his room, half expecting one of the guys to be standing there. Over the years, they had formed strong enough of a bond to know when something was going on with one another. Just like Johnnie made a mental note of how much Rick drank last night. It was after the show so it obviously did not affect his drumming skills, but by the end of the night, he couldn't talk. That wasn't social drinking, that was drinking to hide something.

Something they'd have to address on their break.

The road took its toll on everyone and that's why the last time they negotiated a tour like this, Johnnie made it clear that they needed breaks.

Johnnie heard his cell phone ringing so he patted the railing of the hotel balcony and walked inside to get the phone.

"Hey Peter," Johnnie said as he sat on the couch. He stretched his neck, trying to get comfortable so it didn't feel like someone rolled a boulder onto his head.

"Great show last night," Peter said.

Peter O'Neil had been the manager for Chasing Cross since their first demo was picked up by S-Hallow Records eight years ago. He had been like a father figure to the guys in the early days and now he was all business, all the time. He understood the changing music scene and could negotiate like a vicious animal, sometimes walking out on meetings that should have resulted in the band losing their deal. But it never happened. Peter always got his way.

"It was a good time," Johnnie said.

"You sound like hell. You get coffee yet? We have to talk."

"No coffee," Johnnie said. "Room had none in it."

"I'll call and complain."

"Don't bother. I think Davey broke the television in his room. We'll call it even."

"Christ. You guys have to stop giving him whiskey. He's not twenty-two anymore."

"Yeah, neither am I."

"Feeling old buddy?"

"If I'm feeling old, then you must feel dead."

Peter laughed and then Johnnie heard the sounds of papers shuffling. "Listen, Johnnie, I need an answer soon. We have to decide on the charity show and then that contract I talked about..."

"Let's meet for coffee," Johnnie said.

"Ten minutes. There's a place called Seven C's about a mile from you. Sort of hidden. You be the same way. And bring security."

Peter hung up and Johnnie rubbed his face.

Ten years ago nobody knew him. He could break a window and go to jail. Now, if he broke a window, he was cheered. Hell, he could break a window and the owner of the place would want a picture with him to tell people how Johnnie from Chasing Cross broke a window.

Funny what music and fame could do.

No matter what Johnnie needed to mask himself up a little. It didn't take much to gather a horde of Chasing Cross fans. They could appear from nowhere and swarm. In some cities, fans were calm and collected. They treated Johnnie like a normal guy. In other cities, it was like a riot.

Bring security.

The band had security detail and a driver. Something about it rubbed Johnnie the wrong way although he understood its purpose. For protection. He grabbed his phone and made a call, ensuring the vehicle would be a standard size vehicle.

No need to pull up to a small café in a stretch limo.

After all, he wasn't going out to impress anyone.
(3)

"You have to come to this show with me."

Jess hated to be that person in line with a cell phone stuck to her ear, but her friend, Marie, wouldn't stop talking. She regretted taking the phone call the second she did, but it was uncommon for Marie to call this early. All Jess could think of was Marie's grandmother, who had a stroke last week and wasn't in good condition at all.

"Marie, stop talking for a second," Jess finally said, cutting in.

"What?"

"I'm in line to get coffee. I'll call you back."

"No. Tell me you'll go to the show tonight. Please."

"Marie..."

"Jessica, don't do this to me."

"I'll call you back."

Jess was one person away from being next in line. She felt bad enough already for talking on her phone, there was no way she'd order a coffee while holding the phone.

"Why did you get two tickets?"

"It was supposed to be for someone else," Marie said. "But Ted thinks we're moving too fast."

Oh, damn.

"I'm sorry," Jess said.

"I'm not. I don't know how I feel about him. I'm not surprised through. But with this and then my grandmother... I need a night out... Jess..."

"I'll call you in a few," Jess said.

"I'm taking that as a yes."

Marie hung up and Jess shook her head.

Jess didn't want to go to a show tonight. She didn't even ask Marie who the band was. Jess enjoyed music like anyone else did, but Marie loved such a wide range from heavy music where the lyrics were screamed all the way to classical instrumental music. With lots in between.

At the counter, Jess slipped her phone into her bag and placed her order.

Before the barista behind the counter could give her the total, a hand appeared at the counter with money.

"Add the same to that order," a voice said.

Jess looked over her shoulder and saw what could possibly be the sexiest man she had ever seen in her life. He was tall with a defined chin, piercing eyes, and the scruff of a face in badly need of a shave. His lips were thin but curvy and as the right side started to move into a little smile, Jess felt her mouth start to open.

"On me," the man whispered. "Just do me a favor and bring the coffee to the table in the corner."

Jess looked back to the money. The stranger tapped the bill on the counter and then slithered away.

"Is that all?" the barista asked.

Jess eyed the man as he walked away, keeping his head down.

"I guess so," she whispered.

Jess carried the two cups of coffee to the back table. There the stranger sat with his back to Jess, a hand near his face. He looked like he was trying to disguise himself. It worried Jess as she grew closer.

Was something wrong with him?

Was he some kind of crazy man?

Her mind thought of things she'd seen in the news, not to mention the author in her that never stopped working.

Couldn't this be a book plot?

Strange guy in a café, eyeing people?

When he turned and Jess saw the outline of his face, she almost dropped the coffee. He was gorgeous. From the side, with the light of the sun glistening on his face, he had the look of a statue.

But he could move.

And talk.

And he did.

"Ah, thank you so much," he said, reaching for one of the coffees.

"It's just black," Jess said. "Wasn't sure how you liked it."

"After last night, black will do the trick."

He smiled, showing a set of dimples that formed more dimples. His chin pulled when he smiled, and the power of his eyes starting to burn into Jess's memory.

She swore to herself that she was memorizing the man's sexy features for her own work. She could use a guy like this in one of her novels. But after a few seconds of gawking, she realized she teetered on the line of being creepy herself.

"Got change for me?" the man asked.

"Oh, change. No. I gave it to... the..."

"I'm only kidding," the man said, smiling. "Here. Sit down for a minute."

"No. I don't want to bother you."

"Sure you do. Sit down."

His eyes were dark and deep. A sense of honesty came through them. Jess couldn't believe how suddenly comfortable she felt, considering this was a total stranger. But even still, she took a step to the small round table and sat down.

Her hands were folded around her coffee. Her laptop bag still on her shoulder.

"You could put your bag down," the man said. "I won't bite. I promise."

"Do you often bite people?" Jess asked.

"Only when tempted."

He was fast. He was smooth.

Jess's mouth ran dry.

Without breaking her stare from the man's eyes, she lowered her laptop bag to the floor.

"Working today?" the man asked, pointing to the bag.

"Something like that," Jess said. "I'm a writer."

"A writer? What do you write?"

Why was this guy asking questions?

Jess tried to lift her coffee cup but found her hands were shaking. Shaking from what? Fear? Anticipation? Because the man sitting across from her had a dreamy face?

"I write books," Jess said.

"Write books or are they published?"

"What does that mean?"

"Okay. I play guitar..."

Jess felt her heart jump. Of course a man this sexy would play guitar.

"... so that makes me a musician, right?"

Jess nodded.

"But am I recording musician? Do I get to play big shows? Make lots of money?"

Jess shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. You tell me."

The man laughed for a few seconds.

"Are you published?" he asked.

"Yes," Jess said. "I have a publisher. I'm not famous but I've had to sign a couple autographs."

"Sign a couple autographs," the man smiled wide. He sipped his coffee.

"You play shows?" Jess asked.

"I guess you could say that."

"Are you in a band?"

"Yeah. I'm in a band. I'm the singer. Go figure."

Jess couldn't believe how turned on she felt. She fought the images coming to her, but she pictured the man standing on a stage, playing guitar, singing. Sweating. Staring at Jess in a crowd. Controlling her with his eyes.

She had to look away for a second.

"So, let me ask you something," the man said.

"Sure."

"You have no idea who I am?"

"Why? Am I supposed to?"

"Nope," the man said. "By the way, my name is Johnnie."

"I'm Jess."

"Jess," Johnnie whispered.

Jess watched as Johnnie stared at her. Like he was studying her, trying to find out if she was hiding something. She didn't mind him staring at her, not at all. It was very hot...

"Thanks for helping me with the coffee," Johnnie said.

"Thanks for buying me a coffee."

"Heard you on the phone with your... boyfriend?"

Jess smiled. If Johnnie had been listening, he knew it wasn't a boyfriend. What a cheap way to find out if she had a boyfriend. But Jess respected it.

"Nope, not my boyfriend. My friend, Marie."

"Everything okay?"

Jess finally took a drink of her coffee.

Just who in the hell was this guy? How did he have so much confidence?

"With my friend? I guess so."

"Doesn't sound good."

"Her grandmother had a stroke last week."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Me too. And the guy she has been seeing ditched her after she bought tickets to a concert tonight."

"Concert, huh?" Johnnie smiled big. "Who's playing?"

"I don't know," Jess said. "But she wants me to go."

"Why not go?"

Jess pointed to her bag on the floor. "Have work to do. Just because I'm a writer doesn't mean I make my own schedule. I have a book due sooner than later."

"And I'm wasting all your precious time right now, aren't I?"

"You said it, not me."

Jess sipped her coffee, feeling more alive in the past two minutes than she had in the past two days. She couldn't believe she was flirting with a stranger like this. A handsome stranger, for the record, but still, a stranger. Of course, Jess chalked it all up to research. The flirty banter between hot guy and pretty girl, something she could remember for her next book.

"You don't have to sit here anymore," Johnnie said.

"Am I bothering you?"

"Not quite yet. Give it another minute... nope, wait... yeah, now you're bothering me."

"What does that..."

Johnnie pointed.

Jess turned and saw a short, round man hustling towards the café. His red tie shot up and over his shoulder. Mostly bald with a big face, the man stared down at a cell phone, his fingers tapping at the screen.

"That's my manager," Johnnie said. "Band meeting stuff."

"Well, then I guess I'll be going," Jess said.

She reached for her bag, slowly, not really wanting to end the conversation with Johnnie. She stood and hesitated for a few seconds.

"If I can offer some advice," Johnnie said. "Not that I want to barge into your life..."

"Advice? Sure."

"I'd go to the concert tonight."

"I don't know who the band is. And my friend can get into some crazy music."

"Or maybe it'll be the greatest band you've ever seen," Johnnie said with that smile on his face.

"Maybe."

"Sometimes it's fun to take a chance, isn't it?"

"Johnnie, are you..."

The other voice was the robust man, standing a few feet away, pointing his cell phone at Jess.

"No, it's fine," Johnnie said. "Jess was actually leaving to go write the next bestseller."

"Bestseller? Not sure about that..."

"Autograph me a copy when it's done," Johnnie said.

"And how will I find you?" Jess teased.

"Good point. Enjoy your concert tonight."

"Maybe," Jess said.

She had the urge to touch Johnnie. Not sexually, but, yeah, maybe sexually... She pictured herself hugging him, asking more about him. He was mysterious but in such a sexy way. After nodding to the man Johnnie said was his manager, she made her way across the café and looked around. Most of the tables were filled now and Jess didn't want to try to type elbow to elbow with other people.

She sighed and decided to go back home.

The morning wasn't a complete failure though. It wasn't every day she got to meet such a hot guy.
(4)

"You're lucky she didn't announce you to the rest of this place," Peter said, reaching into a briefcase.

"She had no idea who I was," Johnnie said.

"Wow. There's something new. Why don't you put sunglasses on or something? People are going to notice soon."

"I'm not doing that. The bigger the disguise, the more attention I'll get. Let it be, Peter."

"Okay, great." He spread papers across the table and started to talk.

Johnnie wasn't listening. He looked around the café, trying to find Jess. When that failed him, he searched the outside. There weren't a lot of people walking about and of the few that were there, Jess wasn't one of them.

He instantly started to feel regret.

Time had given him women but had taken away his want to pick up a woman. A relationship to him started at a concert, on a tour bus, or backstage. There were a few times when an actress or model would have their agent call Peter, but none of it was as raw as what just happened with Jess. When he saw her standing in line, something happened. Her curly hair that looked really good messy, her bright blue eyes, her figure. Everything about her screamed casual until he got close enough to smell her. Not that Johnnie was some creep smelling women, there was just something about Jess that enticed him.

And yet he did nothing.

He did not say who he really was. That was out of fear of Jess becoming either starstruck or simply not believing him.

He could have given her his number, or better yet, asked for hers.

The longest relationship he had was five years ago. Anna wasn't the perfect woman, at least at the end of the relationship, and it bothered him that her claw marks still remained a little in his heart.

"Johnnie, are you listening to me?"

Johnnie blinked and looked at Peter. A line of sweat glazed across his forehead and his eyes were bug like.

"No, I'm not."

"We have to settle on this," Peter said. "I really think the charity show is going to build you up once you make your decision on the new song..."

"I don't want to talk about it," Johnnie snapped.

"About what? The show? The song? Your career?"

"Look. Tonight's the last show of this leg. Okay? Can't we just take a break, clear our minds?"

"No. There's money behind this. I've had a couple bites from networks too."

"Networks?"

"Television. They're interested in seeing Johnnie, the man behind the band. You on your own, singing on your own, just being Johnnie."

"No. No way. I'm Johnnie from Chasing Cross."

"We both know this break in the touring is getting old. People are filling seats and we can fill more if we had more shows."

"Are you unhappy with your compensation, Peter?" Johnnie offered a wicked smile as he sipped his coffee.

Peter ran a napkin over his bald head and swallowed hard. "Don't be a prick to me, okay Johnnie? We both know the writing is on the wall. The label is changing. They want you, Johnnie, and just you. If you go into the studio again with the band, they're going to mix them out of it."

"Then I won't record."

"Then you'll lose your contract."

"Then I'll lose my contract," Johnnie said.

"Just like that," Peter said. "It's that easy for you?"

"No. I don't understand why it's so hard for you to understand why it's not easy for me."

Peter opened his mouth and then shook his head. He growled and slapped the papers in front of him.

"This is your future. A chance beyond the band. You're telling me that everyone is committed all the way?"

"Are you turning your back on us? After all these years?"

"Never," Peter said. "I'm looking out for the best interest of everyone. I don't want the band to burn out on tour. And I don't want you to be held back. You're telling me that I'm supposed to forget about the acoustic demo you played for me at your cabin?"

Johnnie looked away. He knew he was going to regret playing those songs for Peter.

"That's how I write," Johnnie said. "I record acoustic and then take it to the band."

"But this song..."

"It's not done," Johnnie said. "Leave it at that. When it's done, we'll talk."

"Johnnie, Danny broke a television. A call came in because Rick was puking so much."

"We all drank," Johnnie said.

"I know. It's the life, right?" Peter put his hands up. "Fine. I'll drop it. Let's talk about the charity show."

Peter started to ramble again and Johnnie faded out. Of course Peter was right. The other guys lived their own private ways. The brotherhood ran deep but not without demons. Hell, Johnnie wasn't perfect either. The only difference was that he was the front man of the band. For whatever reason that made him different. He was supposed to be the leader. The wise one. The one who listened and took care of everything.

But even then, sitting in the café with Peter, thinking about the contract for a solo project, thinking about Rick's drinking, thinking about the show tonight and how he wanted to change the set list, one thing kept popping into his mind.

Jess.

Why didn't he ask for her number? Why didn't he tell her he was playing the concert she was probably going to tonight?

Johnnie sighed, leaving it all in the hands of fate, something he wasn't used to and something he didn't like very much.
(5)

Marie showed up an hour early and when Jess opened the door, Marie stood there, swaying her hips and hair as though a song was playing. Jess was sure a song played in Marie's head and she hurried to usher her into the apartment before any of the neighbors saw.

"Excited?" Jess asked.

"You have no freaking idea," Marie said. "I've been dying to see these guys for two years. They tour so weird."

"How so?"

"They'll have a huge tour but do it in chunks. Tour for a month, then take a month off. And you just have to wait and wait and wait... oh, and tonight is their last show before a break."

"Is that good?"

"I hope so. Maybe they'll do something special."

"How much do I owe you for the ticket?"

"Nothing. My treat."

"Marie..."

"You're helping me out," Marie said. She took Jess by the wrist and forced her to stop. "Seriously. I need tonight."

"Well... what happened with Ted?"

"He's a guy. Whatever."

"You didn't tell him you loved him, did you?"

"No." Marie rolled her eyes. "I don't think so."

"I'm serious," Jess said. "You freak guys out when you do that."

"I don't mean it like love love _,_ you know?"

"I know what you mean. But when a guy hears I love you on the third date..."

"Blah, blah," Marie said. "I don't know if I like Ted. He's not very good in bed. I asked him about it and he said he was nervous."

"You told him he wasn't good in bed?"

"No... I asked him, 'Is that how it always is?' and he told me he was nervous."

"Marie, I do love you," Jess said. "You're freaking wild sometimes."

"No. I'm honest. I don't settle. And I'm really excited for tonight."

"I'm excited too," Jess said. "But I have to ask... is this a normal band?"

"Define normal?"

"The last band we saw, the lead singer threw paint balloons into the crowd..."

"Oh, yeah. No, these guys are normal. You've heard of them before. I know it. They've been around for a while too. It's Chasing Cross."

"Chasing Cross..." Jess knew the name.

Marie handed Jess her ticket and Jess rubbed her finger on it. She felt a little weird taking the ticket.

Chasing Cross.

"Chasing Cross," Jess repeated.

"Here, check it out," Marie said.

She handed Jess her cell phone as it started to play a song.

"This is their most popular song," Marie said. "It's called "Chasing", as ironic as that is."

"Oh, I know this song," Jess said.

It was a good song. Catchy, lots of guitar, a good drumbeat, actually something Jess could get into and wouldn't mind seeing live. When the intro ended and the singing began, Jess felt her heart starting to race.

"Yeah, I really like this," Jess said.

"Good. Now get ready, I want to leave soon. Maybe we can meet the band."

"Meet the band?"

"Sure. If we get there early enough. Maybe we can see their tour bus or something. That would be so cool."

Jess watched as her friend slowly turned into a teenager girl, wide eyed, excited, full of hope.

"Okay, let me get ready then."

"Hurry."

Jess turned and then stopped. She reached behind and snagged Marie's phone out of her hand.

"What are you doing? I'm not going to text Ted..."

"I don't care about Ted," Jess said. "I want to hear more of Chasing Cross."

"Good girl."

Jess strutted away as the next song started. A slow, ballad type but what made Jess freeze as she stepped into her bedroom was the voice. That same voice again. That singer. The depth of his voice, the raw sound of it... it sounded just like...
(6)

"Johnnie! You ready, bro?"

Johnnie took a breath and turned to see his brother, Danny, standing behind him. Danny already had his guitar slung around his neck, ready to go. That was Danny's pre-show routine. He'd wear his guitar for an hour, strum random chords and notes, play riffs, play Chasing Cross songs, play other songs. Whatever came to him.

Five minutes before show time, he would hand the guitar off to the tech who could then hurry and tune it back to perfection and have it waiting for Danny on stage.

"Let's go," Johnnie said.

"Wild crowd out there tonight," Rick said. He twirled his drumsticks and then started playing on the leather couch backstage.

"Fuck, I love this feeling," Chris said. "It's like a drug high."

Chris's eyes went wild for a second.

Johnnie tensed and eyed the bassist. A long time ago, back in the days of their youth, Chris had himself a drug problem. He hid it for a long time until he almost died on stage one night in Seattle. It brought Chasing Chase into headline news, being called a useless drug band. Half their tour was cancelled as Chris went through rehab and when he came out, the first thing the band did was go into the studio and write what would be their bestselling album yet.

Johnnie did indulge with Chris a few times, but never let it become a habit and never thought Chris would let it become a habit either.

"Let it be your only high," Davey said as he ran his fingers through his black hair. Davey was the biggest guy in the band, often confused for one of the security guys instead of a band member.

"Come on," Chris said and shook his head.

"We're all good," Johnnie finally said. "A little capper before the show and nothing else, right?"

Johnnie purposely looked at all the band members but focused on Rick. He didn't have a shit eating grin on his face so Johnnie took it at face value.

Peter appeared in the doorway, his eyes down at his phone. The man sweated all the time. From the moment he met with the band until now, all he did was sweat.

"Guys, they're starting the intro in ten seconds."

Peter left and the entire room changed.

The anticipation kicked in instantly. The high that Chris talked about hit everyone. Johnnie looked at his band mates, everyone in silence. The intro music kicked in, the heavy thuds of drums, the crawling feedback of guitars, the muffled voice of Johnnie. The pre-recorded track got everyone into the show.

Johnnie closed his eyes and prepared.

He was ready.

The last show for a month, with the exception of the charity show. But that would be laid back and relaxed. More of a jam session than anything else.

Johnnie focused and prepared. He opened his eyes and tilted his head down. He curled his lip into the devilish grin that made any woman ache for him and any man wish they were as cool as fucking Johnnie from Chasing Cross.

"Let's go," he said.

He led the way out of the room, hearing the sound of the band preparing too. Davey and Chris always slapped fives. Danny and Rick went arm in arm, talking about one of their earliest shows.

Johnnie took the hall and saw the entrance to the stage.

This was it.

The intro continued and the crowd roared. From the small opening to the stage, he could see the lights moving and flashing and changing colors.

This was what it was all about.

Music.

Life.

Soul.

Rock n' roll.

Johnnie touched his chest. His heart raced like nothing he ever experienced before. The closest it had come to this in years was at the café earlier that morning.

With that woman...

With...
(8)

"JESS! Can you feel it?!"

Jess stood next to Marie and yes, she could feel it.

The radio had been playing for the past ten minutes while the stage was prepared for Chasing Cross.

Then everything changed.

The lights went out and the room exploded. Jess reached for Marie and found her hand. She held it tight and Marie started to shake. She was already screaming, her voice piercing Jess's ears, making her squeeze her eyes shut.

A single white light came on, over the microphone.

It was empty, for now.

A track started to play.

The drums came through the speakers like synchronized thunder. Then came the bass, the low rumbling of perfection only to be offset by the sound of guitars.

And finally... the voice.

The voice.

In the mostly dark crowd, hearing the voice through all the speakers like this, it drove Jess mad. She couldn't believe how her body reacted at that moment. Her heart pounded. Her body tingled. Her most sensitive areas suddenly felt good.

The music continued and the room built by the second. The suspense should have been annoying, but the longer this went, the more Jess liked it. It was... rock n' roll foreplay. The buildup to something so huge, so perfect. It felt as though it were dripping with a sexual desire.

"THERE THEY ARE!" Marie cried out as she jumped.

Silhouettes came to the stage, each one taking their spot. Lights moved across the stage, too dim to show any real features of the band members. Jess could see two guitarists, a bassist, a drummer, and...

"THERE HE IS!" Marie screamed. "HE'S SO HOT!"

"WHAT'S HIS NAME?" Jess cried back.

The lead singer walked to the microphone and he put his hands out. The track came to its heavy climax and then it all started. In the momentary second of silence and darkness, Jess heard Marie scream the lead singer's name...

Johnnie.

The lights came to the stage as the first song started.

Now it was Jess's turn to squeeze Marie's hand. More than that, she leaned into her friend as her legs started to grow weak.

It was... him.

The guy from the café.

Johnnie.

The gorgeous lead singer of Chasing Cross.

It took all of the first two songs for Jess to gather herself. When the second song ended, the band paused, allowing the crowd to properly greet them. Johnnie then took to the mic. He put his mouth to it as though he was going to speak but then pulled back and just smiled.

Even at the distance, his smile did something to Jess.

She could see his dimples and now add to that the band, the music, and aura of the room, he was deadly sexy. Perhaps the sexiest man she'd ever seen in her life.

But that didn't mean he'd remember her, right?

Hell, he'd have to find her in the crowd first.

"How's everyone feeling tonight?" Johnnie asked.

The crowd erupted and Marie jumped, screaming Johnnie's name. Even when the crowd calmed a little, Marie didn't.

Johnnie then looked right in their direction.

"Someone's happy to see me," he said. "Someone..."

Johnnie met eyes with Jess.

She knew it.

She could feel the connection, just like in the café earlier.

"Someone is certainly here," Johnnie said. "And so are all of you!"

The crowd cheered again and Johnnie turned his head, waiting for the count.

Drumsticks came together four times and the next song started. Johnnie stared at Jess for a few seconds, smiling the entire time, and then he lost himself in the song. It was one of the songs Jess knew, one of their hits on the radio. She knew the music and some of the chorus. Of course, Marie knew every single word. She cheered and sang, so loud that it almost took away from Johnnie's amazing voice.

Song after song, Johnnie sang, getting more into each song, leading the crowd through a musical journey and experience. Jess felt it, and she felt something beyond that. Watching the way Johnnie moved and how he kept looking towards Jess left her feeling insatiable. She felt wanted by him. Whether it was just an act or not, she didn't know, but she sure as hell enjoyed it while it happened.

During the latest guitar solo, Johnnie put his mic to the guitar, amplifying his skills. When the song came to an end he let out a long sound, then looked around to his band.

"These guys are fucking wild!" he yelled.

The guitarist played a riff and the drummer followed with a few kicks of his kick drum and crashes from his cymbals.

"But it's not always about being wild," Johnnie said. "No, no. There's more to it all. There's soul beneath it all. I'm talking... rock n' roll soul."

The crowd applauded and Johnnie nodded. He licked his lips and smiled. He stepped away from the mic for a few seconds, searching for something. The rest of the band looked around, confused, and then watched as the front man came back to the mic holding an acoustic guitar.

"This isn't on the set list tonight," Johnnie said. "But sometimes, there are things in life that just happen. Without warning. Without purpose. And those moments... they can change us forever... And those moments... they're the ones I'm..."

Johnnie strummed the guitar, playing the intro to the next song. The crowd cheers and Jess looked at Marie.

She knew this song.

"... Chasing..."

The song was slow and soothing, and the entire time Johnnie played and sang the stripped down acoustic only version of the song, he stared at Jess.

Marie leaned into Jess and said, "I think he's looking at us!" in her girly voice. Jess glanced at Marie and saw her friend staring at Johnnie with that glazed look of young lust. She hoped Marie didn't Johnnie was looking at her.

Then again, what did Jess know?

Was Johnnie actually looking at her?

What amazed Jess more than watching Johnnie sing was how the band reacted to the sudden change in the set list. The bassist came in gently, following Johnnie's lead. The two guitarists switched to clean channels, taking away the crunch sound of the guitars. And the drummer played softly, a basic kick-snare beat that worked perfectly together.

It was a different version of "Chasing", one that Jess wished she could have to hear all the time. Then a thought and image came to her... if Johnnie was singing to her, what did it really mean? She pictured herself with Johnnie as he sat with an acoustic guitar playing "Chasing", playing it for her, to her, singing, the moment becoming too intense...

Marie screamed and Jess jumped.

The song had come to its close, leaving the stage in pitch black. A few seconds later, lights came down to the two guitarists. They were at opposite ends of the stage and they played in unison, leading into the next set of songs.

The show could have lasted for hours and when Johnnie announced it was the last song, Jess had a sudden feeling of being let down. She didn't want it to end. She almost felt like she was on a date with Johnnie... a date with another few thousand people surrounding her. Nothing strange about that.

As the song played, Jess's body moved. The music had gotten into her, in a way music had never done before. She'd been to plenty of concerts, not as many as Marie, but this was by far the greatest concert of her life.

Just when she thought it couldn't get any better, a hand touched her shoulder, bringing the night to a sudden end. When she looked to her right and saw a tall, thick man in a black t-shirt, looking angry, she lowered her shoulder and thrashed. She reached for Marie but the man was too strong.

"Hey, cool it," he bellowed at Jess.

"What the fu..."

"Leave her alone!" Marie cried out.

The man bent towards Jess. "I'm with Johnnie. I'm security. Damn, will you calm down?"

"What's wrong?" Jess asked. "I didn't do anything..."

"I know that. Johnnie told me to bring you backstage."

Jess's eyes went wide and she looked at Marie. Marie's jaw could be swept off the floor.

"My friend, Marie..."

"She can come too," the security guard said. "But she can't go into his room. His rules, not mine."

Marie pushed at Jess as Jess stared at Marie.

"Come on, we have to get going. Right now."

The security guard led the way to the black gate and they walked along it, the large man acting as a battering ram, pushing his way through the crowd. Jess stayed an inch away from the man, catching the scent of his body odor. Behind her, Marie held Jess's wrist.

Jess stared at the stage, watching Johnnie and Chasing Cross perform. She felt disconnected from the world in those passing moments, following the security guard as he walked beyond the gate, taking Jess and Marie with him.

They walked along the stage and towards a back room door. Once in there, there was a hallway leading to all the different dressing rooms and storage closets.

The security guard moved with thunderous footsteps.

Marie hurried and walked next to Jess.

"I've never done this before," Marie whispered.

"What? Backstage?" Jess asked.

"Yes. I've snuck out back at shows and waited for bands, but this... you're going to meet Johnnie from Chasing Cross."

Jess smiled. "Not the first time."

"Wait, what?"

The security guard stopped and pointed to a door. "That's Johnnie's room." He pointed to Jess. "You go in. And you..." He pointed to Marie. "You follow me. We're going to a general area. You can watch the band leave to go to their bus."

"No," Jess said. "Marie, that's not safe."

"I get to meet Chasing Cross," she said. "And you get... how do you know Johnnie?"

"The café today," Jess said. "When I got off the phone with you. He was behind me in line. I sat with him and we talked. I swear, I had no idea who he was."

"I hate you," Marie said.

She turned and looked at the security guard. "Do you have a name?"

"Does that matter?" the guard asked, folding his arms.

"Just trying to be friendly."

"I don't do friendly." His eyes moved to Jess. "Go inside and wait." His eyes moved back to Marie. "You follow me."

With that said, everyone moved. Jess watched Marie start to walk away and she hated it. It didn't seem right or fair, but Marie was happy enough just to be there, just to experience something she thought was amazing.

The real amazing part was as Jess opened the door to Johnnie's dressing room. She stepped inside and thought she could smell him. Subtle hints of their conversation at the café. She took small steps, too afraid to touch or do a thing. She finally settled on a small leather couch and did the only thing possible.

She waited.

The sound of the music came through the walls at a dull roar. The muffled version of the music was nothing compared to the live version, but even still, Jess found herself nodding her head, enjoying the music.

When it came to a stop, she realized that was it.

The last song.

Johnnie screamed his thanks to the crowd and that was it.

The crowd cheered and began to chant for the band.

Chasing Cross... Chasing Cross... Chasing Cross... Chasing Cross...

The chants continued with no signs of slowing down. Jess's heart pounded in her chest, unsure what to expect next. She watched the door, waiting for Johnnie to open the door. But the crowd... the chants...

Jess started to stand from the couch when she heard the crowd explode even louder.

No way, she thought.

She never heard such a loud response before. The sound was loud through the walls and hall so she could only imagine how it must have sounded out in the crowd. Right there in person.

"Well then," Johnnie's voice cried out.

Jess gasped.

Chasing Cross wasn't done.

"You want more music?" he asked.

Of course the crowd did. This was their time. Their moment too. It wasn't about the money paid for the show. It was about the music and what it meant and what it did.

"Okay!" Johnnie yelled. "Let's do it..."

The music started a couple seconds later, and lead into a four song encore that could have been its own show. The band was tight, fast, and sounded like they just took the stage. They sounded nothing like a band that had just played for almost two hours.

It left Jess mesmerized.

It also left her a little jealous.

If Johnnie hadn't been playing this encore part of the show, he'd be backstage with Jess. She would finally be able to put to rest the wild butterfly feeling in her stomach. She had no idea why Johnnie wanted her in his room.

Maybe to thank her for coming to the show.

Maybe to autograph her ticket.

Maybe... more.

When the music stopped for the second time, it was the final time. The band ended by playing the last chorus of the last song five times and sealed the show with one last note that rang against the cheers of the crowd.

Feedback started to cut in and the plug was pulled.

The show was over, at least for the people in the crowd.

Jess put a hand to her chest, feeling her heart. Her body tensed and she focused on the door, hoping to keep her breathing calm.

She told herself that maybe the show for her was just getting started.
(9)

Johnnie hurried into the back hallway and ran his hands through his hair. Peter met him with a fresh bottle of water and a pat on the back.

"Hell of an encore there," Peter said. He looked around and then pulled Johnnie close. "I loved the acoustic decision there. You had them eating out of your hand. That's what acoustic does. It's intimate. Perfect. Like I said..."

"Enough," Johnnie said and slipped away.

"Hey! Johnnie!" Chris yelled.

Johnnie stopped and turned. The rest of the band came down the hall, slow and confident. He could read their eyes, knowing they were ready for a water, a beer, and a shot.

"What's up?" Johnnie asked.

"It's the last show," Chris said. "How about... we say something?"

"That was a great show," Rick said. "Johnnie, you were on fire. You were like part of the crowd, man."

"And the acoustic version of "Chasing"," Danny said. "That was amazing."

"Really?" Johnnie asked. "I was hoping I didn't piss you guys off with that."

"No way," Chris said.

"It's cool," Danny added. "Didn't see it coming."

"But we pulled it off," Rick said. "Just proves how good we still are."

Rick put a hand up and made a fist.

Johnnie laughed as the rest of the band had that gleam in their eyes. Johnnie remembered that gleam and the first time he saw it after one of their first practices, after writing one of their earlier songs. They had pulled off the song without a single mistake and once the song ended, the phone rang with an offer for their first gig.

Now it was years upon years later, millions of albums sold, millions of t-shirts and stickers sold, world tours, and all the allure that comes with being in such a band and they could still have those simple moments that boil down to the music.

It's always about the music.

"How about we celebrate with a quick shot?" Davey asked. "I have a bottle of Jack on the bus, saved it for tonight."

"That's a lot of whiskey for a short bus ride," Danny said. "We're, what, five miles from the hotel?"

"Works for me," Rick said. He put his arms around Davey and Danny's necks.

"Guys, listen," Johnnie said, "I have something to take care of here..."

"Take care of?" Chris asked. He looked beyond Johnnie and saw Peter aimlessly pacing wall to wall, glued to his cell phone as always.

Around them a small crowd of roadies were already taking the equipment and stage setup apart, the behind the scenes crew that worked to the bone to make sure the look and feel was as good as the music, each and every night. Johnnie knew them all by name and made sure they were all taken care of. That was another purpose of having breaks in the tour. The guys were flown home to spend time with their families. A chance to unwind and relax before going back on the road. Most of the guys were meant to be on the road and simply went to another band but at least ten of the guys had wives, girlfriends, and kids at home.

"Is it Peter?" Chris asked. "Something going on?"

"No," Johnnie said. "Not Peter. Why?"

"You seem anxious," Chris said. "You're not talking contracts without the band, are you?"

Johnnie felt his heart sink. He forced himself to smile. "Ball breakers."

"Who?" Rick asked. "Us?"

"Yeah," Johnnie said. "You want to know the truth?"

"Spill your guts," Davey said.

"There's a woman..."

"No way," Danny cut in. "You have a groupie waiting for you? I thought we were past that stage..."

"Or at least if we were going to pick up some women, you should have told us," Rick said. "There was a few in the crowd tonight..."

"Guys, we're not twenty anymore," Johnnie said. "It's not like that. There's the woman I met today. She had no idea who I was."

"Oh no," Chris said, "did the giant ego bubble bust?"

The band laughed and Johnnie put his hands up.

"It's not that," Johnnie said. "There was just something about her. She had tickets to the show from her friend and she had no clue who I was. She came to the show and I saw her... I have to talk to her..."

"She's in your room?" Rick asked.

Johnnie nodded. He started taking steps back. "That was the best show of the tour. Keep that locked in your hearts, okay? We get a little break now, nobody get into trouble."

"You're the only one who seems to be heading for trouble," Danny called out.

Johnnie turned and refused to believe this was going to be trouble. Meeting a woman was fine, natural even. It had been a long time for Johnnie and the whole rockstar image was kept alive because of his single status.

Not that any of that left Johnnie, there was just something about Jess. He thought about Chris's comment on his ego and he shook his head. It wasn't the ego thing, at least completely. Sure, Johnnie had gotten used to everyone knowing him, bothering him, wanting him. So it was a little foreign to have a woman - especially one as beautiful as Jess - not have a clue who he was.

The more he walked, the more Johnnie caught himself starting to move faster. He never hurried for a woman, ever. There was no need to do so... if a woman couldn't wait for him, there'd be ten more to take her place. But inside Johnnie, at that moment, he'd trade a hundred women just to have a chance to see Jess again.

When he made it to the door he opened it in a hurry, expecting to see the room empty.

But it wasn't empty.

There she was, standing there, playing with her hands, looking nervous.

Their eyes met and Johnnie smiled.

Jess smiled back at him, looking just as surprised as Johnnie was.

"Hey," Johnnie said.

He was out of breath, not just from the show. Not just from the jog down the hall. It was mostly from staring at Jess. Gosh, she was beautiful.

"Nice show," Jess said.

Johnnie went to take a step and realized something.

He wasn't heading for trouble... he was in trouble.
(10)

The door opened, Johnnie walked in, and Jess couldn't move. She found herself just seconds earlier debating what to do. The show had ended what felt like an hour ago and outside the room she could hear people walking around.

All she could think about then was Marie. Standing outside or near outside, waiting.

But the second she saw Johnnie, everything inside her mind was blasted away. All she could focus on then was him. His sweaty hair. His sweaty body. The way his white t-shirt clung to him, revealing a set of amazing muscles that Jess hadn't had the chance to see earlier in the café. His jeans and black shoes somehow completed the way he looked, making him hands down the sexiest man Jess ever saw in her life.

When he spoke to her, Jess managed to say one thing.

"Nice show."

Whether it was the right or wrong thing to say Jess didn't know.

But Johnnie smiled, so that had to mean something.

"Yeah, that was a fun show. Changed things up a little in the middle."

"With "Chasing"?" Jess asked.

"Yeah. I wrote that song on an acoustic guitar for myself a long time ago."

Jess stood, still trying to come to terms that she was alone with the lead singer of Chasing Cross. And now he was explaining where songs came from. This was a dream. No, it was beyond a dream. A fantasy.

"That's how I write all the songs, to be honest. I'll just play and record demos. Just me and a guitar. I come up with some ideas and then pass them off. The band then takes my junk and turns it into treasure."

"That song, acoustic, wasn't junk," Jess said. "I... I sort of liked it better..."

Johnnie smiled. "Yeah, you're not the first person to say that tonight."

Johnnie's smile went away as he turned to look at himself in a mirror that had four lights above it. He leaned against a small counter and sighed.

"Thank you for doing this," Jess said.

"For what?" Johnnie asked.

"Bringing me back here. And I'm sorry I didn't know who you were."

"That's fine," Johnnie said. "Do you know who I am now?"

"I know you're the lead singer of Chasing Cross."

"Is that enough?"

Jess found her fingers twitching even more. She couldn't believe how nervous she was right now. In the café, it had been so easy to talk to Johnnie. Now, after knowing he was famous, it seemed different. But why?

"No," Jess said.

"No?"

"No. Just because you're famous..."

"So are you," Johnnie said.

He pushed from the counter and walked across the room. He reached for a bag and opened it. Jess couldn't help herself as she watched. She caught sight of notebooks, loose papers, and guitar picks.

"I keep as much as I can with me," Johnnie said. "You never know when inspiration will attack."

He then pulled out a book and tossed it to Jess.

She managed to catch the book. Her thumbs glided over the bubbled text on the cover as her cheeks started to turn red.

"Now I'll be honest," Johnnie said. "I grabbed a copy of it today, after I left the café. You're not an easy girl to find..."

Jess's fingers ran across her name on the book. Everything was written under the name Jessica CeeCee. Her debut novel, in the hands of Johnnie from Chasing Cross. She looked up from the book and felt the urge to cry.

"I managed to get it," Johnnie said with a smile. "Obviously."

"What do you think of it?" Jess asked.

"I love it, so far. Halfway through it. I pissed off my manager because I ignored his calls while reading it in my hotel room. Sucked me right in. You've got talent."

Jess smiled and put the book on a table. It seemed so strange to see something she'd written in print like that. And the fact that Johnnie was able to walk into a bookstore and find it.

"It's a strange feeling, right?" Johnnie asked.

"What is?" Jess asked. She hoped he wasn't talking about the way Jess felt for Johnnie. Feelings were building and she was too afraid to explore them right then.

"Seeing something you created become mainstream."

"That's for sure."

"When we started playing together, it was just for fun. I mean, sure, we dreamed of hitching to California and following our heroes footsteps, but it was just about playing. Those early shows, ten people in a bar, three watching us, they were some of the best shows. Then you write music, record it, and people want it. They don't just want to listen to the music either, they want to experience it. That's where the passion is. Standing on stage, looking into the eyes of all those people. Each and every one of them, focused on you, their eyes begging for more, wanting more."

"Sounds amazing," Jess said.

"It is... but there's something more amazing than that."

Jess was about to ask what? when Johnnie moved towards her. It was the first advance he'd made at her since coming into the room. Jess could have stepped back, or even stepped forward, but she remained in place.

Johnnie got close to her, a foot away. She could smell him. The sweat. The hint of his cologne. Then there was his eyes. They were dark and beautiful, looking like they could hold pain and project love, all at the same time. A man who took no prisoner, who walked the path he believed in. It was almost overwhelming.

Then Johnnie reached for Jess's hand. His touch was gentle, and Jess shivered with excitement.

"I looked out in that crowd tonight," Johnnie said, his voice almost a whisper. "And I looked for you. I searched for you. Hoping you'd be there... and you were..."

"My friend," Jess started to say, but stopped.

"I saw you standing there. Your face said it all. You really didn't know who I was. It drove me wild. You're so beautiful and I couldn't help myself, Jess. That show, that was your show. Not mine. Not the bands. Not the crowd. Not even your friend. That was your show. My gift to you."

Jess swallowed. She had no idea how to respond to that.

Johnnie wasn't just commanding, he was serious.

"I'm used to just having what I want, when I want it," Johnnie said. "And that's usually because of who I am. With you, I want what you want, when you want it."

"Johnnie... you're a famous singer. I'm just an author."

"That has nothing to do with feelings, does it?"

Jess shook her head. Of course it didn't.

"We have a charity show and then I have a few weeks off. That's a few weeks to get to know you. To explore you, Jess."

"I can't believe this," Jess said.

"Can't believe what?"

"You're the lead singer of Chasing Cross..."

Johnnie sighed and lowered his head. His grip squeezed on Jess's wrist, for a second, and then released. When he looked at her again, his eyes seemed different. They looked more painful than caring. Jess had struck a nerve and she regretted it. She tried to reach for Johnnie but he walked back towards the mirror.

"I didn't mean it like that," Jess said. "I promise."

"If I would have just given you my number," Johnnie said. "And you didn't come to the show... this would be normal. Wouldn't it?"

Johnnie looked in the mirror and Jess stared at his reflection, and her own.

"What's normal?" Jess asked. "You went and found my book today, didn't you?"

"But that doesn't mean I'm acting different around you. I bought it because you said you were a writer."

"You had to find out my name though."

"So?"

"You told me you played guitar and I saw your show," Jess said. "So?"

"You're acting different. Because I'm from Chasing Cross."

"It's not just that," Jess said. Her mouth ran dry and she put a hand to her mouth. She swallowed and tried to find the rest of the words.

How was it so easy to write a book about a story, people, and emotions but when it came to her own, Jess felt trapped? Putting her heart out there seemed to be the hardest thing to do.

"Okay, then what is it?" Johnnie asked. "I thought I could come back here, talk to you, Jess, and be like we were this morning..."

"Why me?" Jess asked. "That's what it is. Why me? You're the lead singer of a band. You can have any woman in the world, but you want me? Someone who doesn't know you... someone who..."

"That doesn't matter!" Johnnie said as he turned around. "I don't care what you know or don't know. I care about the way you look at me. The way I look at you. That's where it all starts. We can get to know each other over time, can't we?"

"You tell me," Jess said.

"I'm telling you," Johnnie said.

He moved at her again. He stood without touching her this time.

"I'm sorry," Jess whispered.

"For what?"

"I wasn't sure what my purpose was back here tonight. I didn't know if I was a... groupie... or the band..."

Johnnie touched Jess's face with his hand. His fingers caressed down her cheek. Their eyes locked and Johnnie smiled.

"You can be anything you want," Johnnie whispered. "All I know is that I met a woman today that made my heart jump a little. And then in a crowd of thousands, there she was again. I'm not afraid, Jess, and I won't hold back."

"Don't," Jess said. "Please. Don't..."

Johnnie made his next move, bringing his lips down to her. They were a centimeter away. Jess's lips started to quiver, waiting to feel Johnnie kiss her.

"I'm not asking for your heart, or life," Johnnie whispered. "I'm just asking for this moment, to share with me."

"I'm right here," Jess said.

Their lips finally touched. Johnnie's hand held Jess's cheek. His other hand touched the other side of her face as he kissed her again. And again. And again. His lips were soft but commanding, and each time Jess wanted the kiss to grow hotter, Johnnie resisted. It made Jess moan. She felt her cheeks burning, feeling embarrassed to have moaned like that. But then Johnnie groaned and opened his mouth. When his tongue touched Jess's lips, her hands grabbed at the first thing they could reach.

Johnnie's pockets.

All but her thumbs were in his pockets.

She then pulled, unaware of her own deep seeded sensual desires and needs.

Johnnie came forward, his body touching hers. That's when his hands slowly made their descent from her face to her arms. He pulled at her as their tongues swirled around each other's, wanting more.

Finally, Johnnie broke the kiss by closing his mouth on Jess's lips. He held for a few seconds, exhaling a warm breath through his nose. He pulled away with a quick wet pop sound.

He licked his lips and swallowed.

Jess did the same, tasting Johnnie. She wanted more.

"That's all I wanted to do tonight," Johnnie said.

"I thought rockstars were a little more wild than that," Jess teased.

Johnnie touched Jess's face again. "Oh, sweetheart, if you want wild..."

His hand slipped around to Jess's backside and pulled at her. It forced Jess to jump up and Johnnie's other hand left her face and gripped her backside too. He turned with Jess off her feet. She wrapped her legs around him and he walked her towards the counter.

Jess was then sitting on the counter. Johnnie's hands were flat and when she looked at them, she could tell he wanted nothing but to touch her. Their eyes met again and Johnnie came close to her. The tip of his nose touched hers and he smiled.

"We have time to get wild," he said. "Don't we?"

"I don't know," Jess said. "You're the rockstar. The busy man. The one on tour."

"Like I said, we're on a break."

"So I guess that means you have time."

"I guess so," Johnnie said.

A few seconds of silence came between them. Jess wanted Johnnie to kiss her again, but part of her didn't want him to. She wanted to have that first kiss linger on her lips for as long as she could handle it.

"Meet me tomorrow," Johnnie said.

"Meet you? Where?"

"My hotel. Come to my room."

"Getting tired for tonight?" Jess asked with vixen desires burning in her eyes.

Johnnie puckered his lips and exhaled. "Don't tempt me..."

"Why?"

"I may have to take you away for the entire month I have off."

"I haven't got any plans," Jess said and smiled. Of course she had plans. Everyone had plans. This was just flirty talk... nothing more.

Right?

A knock came at the door and Johnnie closed his eyes.

"Johnnie? It's Peter. I need..."

"Hold on," Johnnie called out.

Jess watched him move away and she jumped from the counter. Johnnie opened the door and Jess recognized the man from the café this morning. Sweating, holding his cell phone, looking disoriented but in control.

"Oh, sorry," Peter said when he saw Jess.

"It's fine," Johnnie said. "Jess and I were just talking about our plans."

Jess smiled. Her body was on fire. She never wanted a man as bad as she wanted Johnnie. Normally, she would go on date after date, trying to find out everything she could about a man before even thinking about jumping into bed with him. But with Johnnie... was it so wrong to just want to tear his clothes off? To let him have her and then ask questions later.

"Give me two minutes," Johnnie said and closed the door on Peter. He turned back to Jess. "Business calls..."

"I never thought I could imagine music and business together," Jess said.

"Just like books I bet. People see the art but not what's behind the scenes."

Jess moved towards the door and stopped. "Listen, Johnnie. Thank you. For bringing me here... and..."

"You said your friend is fan of the band?" Johnnie asked.

"Big fan," Jess hold. "She's... sort of obsessed. But not in a creepy way. At least I don't think so."

"Here, let me give you something."

Johnnie walked to his bag and Jess watched as he started scribbling on a piece of paper.

"You said her name was... Mary?" he asked.

"Marie."

Johnnie came back with the paper folded up and handed it to Jess. "There. Give that to Marie."

Jess looked at the paper then back at Johnnie.

He moved down at her, kissing her one more time. A quick kiss, lips to lips, but enough that Jess knew it would be all she'd think about. All she'd dream about.

It'd be all she would want, again and again.

She left the room and before she could take a step, a thought hit her.

What about tomorrow?

Johnnie wanted Jess to come to his room. Or maybe that was just talk. Silly rockstar talk.

Either way, all Jess knew was that her heart wouldn't calm down. Not tonight, and maybe, not ever.
(11)

"You really kissed Johnnie from Chasing Cross?"

It was the fifth time Marie asked Jess about it. Jess hated herself for saying anything, but Marie wouldn't let it go until she finally confessed something.

They were at Jess's apartment, watching the early morning creep on. The last time Jess stayed up past one in the morning was when she had been working on her first book. Now she had herself on a rigid writing schedule, knowing that flying by the seat of her pants didn't work anymore. At least professionally. Romantically, who knew what worked?

She licked her lips, pretending she could still taste Johnnie but he was long gone.

Jess stared down into a steaming cup of tea, not wanting it. She wondered if Johnnie and the rest of the band were drinking. Or sleeping. Or with other women. In her mind, the rockstar life was nothing but shows and indulgence. But Johnnie didn't seem to fit that, at all.

"So you two kissed and nothing else?"

Jess smiled. She still hadn't given Marie the autograph Johnnie signed for her. She was saving that for the end of the night (or morning) because if she gave it to Marie before Marie was ready to leave, then she would never get rid of her.

"Just kissed," Jess said. "He's a gentleman."

"I don't believe it. He's a rockstar. They like music and sex."

"We did not have sex," Jess said. Her body regretted that truth and it made her tingle, thinking of all the odd spots in the dressing room where she and Johnnie could have enjoyed themselves.

"So... are you like dating him?"

"I don't think so. He wanted to thank me for coming to the show."

"And that's it?"

"That's it."

"Are you going to see him again?"

Jess paused. Johnnie did say something about his hotel, but Jess didn't know a thing about it. And something told her that if she started calling the local hotels asking for Johnnie from Chasing Cross, she'd be laughed at and then hung up on.

"I doubt I'll see him again," Jess said. "We just talked. He told me thanks for coming to the show. And I left."

"You kissed though," Marie said.

"Yeah, twice. First time was hotter."

Marie slapped her hand on the table, causing Jess to jump.

"I'm so jealous," she said.

"You should be," Jess said. "Then again, maybe I can help a little."

"Oh yeah, how?"

"I wasn't only thinking about myself when I was with Johnnie."

Marie's eyes lit up.

"I always keep my best friend in mind..."

Jess stood from the table, taking her tea with her. She had no interest in it, preferring her pillow and bed. She found the folded piece of paper Johnnie gave to her and turned, showing it to Marie.

"You have to promise me something," Jess said.

"Okay..."

"When I give you this, you celebrate and go the hell home. Or crash on my couch. But quietly. I'm tired."

"Why, what are you giving me?" Marie asked.

"You owe me big time for this."

Jess presented the paper to Marie, smiling almost ear to ear. She couldn't help it though, she understood Marie's love for Chasing Cross. And what a moment it would be to have Johnnie's autograph. Whether it had actual value in the world or not, it at least meant something to Johnnie.

Marie unfolded the paper and let out a girlish scream. She kicked her feet and held the paper to her chest.

"You didn't!"

"Actually, I didn't," Jess said. "I mentioned you a couple times, but it was Johnnie who did that on his own. What does it say?"

Marie looked at the paper. "He wrote my name... oh my, Jess. He wrote my name."

"Keep going," Jess said.

"It says... Marie - thanks for coming to the show. Keep Chasing us and we'll keep playing! Love - Johnnie _._ It has love on it!"

"He probably writes that on all his autographs," Jess said. She hurried and closed her mouth, knowing just how she sounded.

Marie looked at her with both eyebrows raised. "Jealous...?"

"No, not at all. Stop it. Now you've got his autograph. Happy?"

"Yeah. This is amazing." Marie studied the paper and looked at Jess again. "I'm serious. This is... you know, when "Chasing" came out, it was right after my dad died."

"I remember, I'm sorry."

Marie stared off. "It was the hardest time of my life. Cancer took him in three months. And nothing made sense. No matter what anyone said to me. Or tried to do. You remember my Uncle Tom?"

"Tom..."

"Short, fat, a pig."

Jess smiled. She remembered Tom. She met him once and he tried to look down her shirt. Total creep.

"He told me I shouldn't worry because at the end of it all, I'd end up with all my father's money. As if that mattered."

"He's an ass," Jess said. "Some people don't get it."

"No, just listen. When Uncle Tom said that, everything came crashing down around me. I couldn't believe someone would say such a thing. It was the exact kind of moment when I'd run to my father for advice... or a hug. So I got in my car and had no idea where to go. I turned on the radio and there it was... "Chasing"."

"Was that the first time you heard the song?"

Marie nodded. "It just felt right. The words. The music. It was beautiful. And it got me through that time."

Marie swallowed and blinked, her eyes glossy.

Jess had to take a deep breath. The power of music was intense, like nothing she could have ever believed. It made her think about Johnnie. Such a sexy man, with a heart that could create music and words that could help someone.

That was true beauty.

"I'm glad Johnnie wanted to talk to me then," Jess said.

Marie held the paper closer to her face. "Uh... Jess... I think he wants more than just talking..."

"Why do you say that?"

"Here, I think this part is for you."

Marie ripped part of the paper, making sure she didn't come close to Johnnie's autograph. She handed it to Jess and sure enough, something else was written there.

Johnnie's handwriting, but much smaller.

"I think he likes you," Marie said. "Holy crap... Johnnie from Chasing Cross likes you!"

Jess stared at the paper.

A note from Johnnie.

Remember what I said, tomorrow.

And it included a phone number.

Jess looked up from the paper, her eyes wide. Her mind raced almost as much as her heart did.

Johnnie actually wanted her...
(12)

"This is to another decade of kicking ass and shredding stages!"

Rick held a wobbly shot glass in the air. His head was back and his lips puckered, trying to be the twenty-one year old rock God bad-ass that he once was.

Danny, Davey, and Chris all joined in.

The shot glasses clanked together, letting the amber liquor spill a little from each one.

"Come on Johnnie," Chris said. "Don't be an old man on us."

"Guys, I can't go crazy," he said. "I'm waiting for a call..."

"A call? From who?" Chris asked.

"Is it that woman?" Davey asked.

Johnnie wouldn't reply.

"Oh man," Danny said. "Johnnie has fallen for a woman."

"Bound to happen," Chris said.

"You just met her," Rick said.

"She's... special," Johnnie said. "Leave it at that."

"Okay," Rick said. "So let's celebrate Johnnie's new love flame. Now, put your cell phone in your pocket and have a freaking drink with us!"

Johnnie smiled.

What was one shot?

Sure, ten years ago one shot meant two which meant ten, but this was different.

Johnnie stood and poured himself a shot.

The band stood with their arms in the air. It made Johnnie think of the night they signed their record deal. They stood, just like this, except they were holding warm cans of discount beer. They saluted each other, they drank beer, and they woke the next day dead set on a long career in music.

"Say something," Chris said.

"Me?" Johnnie asked.

"Yeah, come on."

"You guys and these speeches... fine. Here's to tonight. To the music. To the wildness. To the purity. And here's to a break to rest our minds and bodies... because when we start again, we're going to blow the fucking stages to pieces!"

Everyone laughed, cheered, and took their drink.

Rick was the first to grab the bottle of whiskey for another. Johnnie gave him the eyes and Rick turned his attention to the rest of the band.

It was going to be one of those nights.

"Be safe," Johnnie said. "I'm going to head to my room and relax."

"It's not even three yet," Chris said.

Johnnie smiled. "It's all good, man. You enjoy. But not too much."

Danny wrapped his arm around Johnnie's neck. "Same to you, brother. Women can tear your heart to pieces."

"That's only if you give it to them," Rick chimed in.

Danny touched Johnnie's chest. "Ut-oh, this guy's screwed."

Johnnie shook his way out of the room, closed the door and stood for a few seconds, listening as the rest of the band enjoyed the early morning hours. It was great to hear but Johnnie knew in the pit of his stomach that time marched on and that meant so did life. He didn't want to live the same life over and over. He knew the rest of the band would feel the same way someday.

When he walked into his room, the first thing he did was look at his acoustic guitar resting on the couch. He picked it up and wasted no time strumming some chords. Even after playing a show that night, it still made his body race. It made him think of Jess. She was the only thing besides music that made him feel the same way.

He started playing "Chasing", thinking about Jess's face and eyes but quickly found himself strumming the chords for the new song that Peter wanted him to release on his own. He stopped for a second, feeling a sting of regret in heart. He looked at the door and then started to play it again.

Nothing was signed, yet.

The song could be on the next Chasing Cross album.

Johnnie understood what Peter wanted for the band and Peter knew how Johnnie felt about playing acoustic. Like Johnnie told Jess, everything was written acoustic and then brought to the band to add their sound. A lot of the songs sounded great with just a guitar and Johnnie's voice, but that would be cheating, wouldn't it? People wanted Chasing Cross... not Johnnie from Chasing Cross.

Feeling suddenly lonely and confused, Johnnie tossed the acoustic guitar to the other couch in the room. He moved from the couch to the window and gazed upon the sleeping city. Very few lights were on. Traffic mostly dead. The intersections he could see all had red lights, waiting for a car to come close enough to signal green.

Johnnie looked at his cell phone and squeezed it.

Why hadn't she called yet?

He hoped Jess just didn't give the piece of paper to Marie and leave it at that. That's when Johnnie realized how potentially stupid his move could have been. Imagine if Marie called him... or worse yet, what if Marie put his phone number online? Fans were often crazy, and some of them did just plain stupid things.

Johnnie sighed, wishing he had done more in the backstage dressing room. He wished he had done more in the café too. But something about Jess seemed to keep him an inch away. Not out of fear, no way. He didn't fear Jess... but maybe he did fear what she could do to him and what she could mean to him.

After standing at the window for twenty minutes, Johnnie finally retreated back to the couch. He turned on the television knowing nothing would satisfy the feeling burning inside him. He put his head back for a second to try to clear his mind.

The second suddenly became much longer and when he heard the ringing of his cell phone, it took him a few seconds to snap himself out of his unexpected sleep.

Jess! Jess! Jess!

His hand searched the couch, and then his pocket, before his eyes even opened. When they finally did, he looked around the room, realizing how bright it was. Before answering the phone, he looked at the clock and saw it was after nine in the morning.

He jumped from the couch and answered the call almost out of breath.

"Jess? What took you so long to call?"
(13)

Jess couldn't believe she sat in the back of a cab on her way to The Richmond. It wasn't the largest hotel in the city and it wasn't the most luxurious, but maybe that was the best place to hide the guys from Chasing Cross. Of all things to think about, Jess wondered what they did with the tour bus and all the music equipment if the band stayed at the hotel. It seemed silly to think about, but it kept her mind from asking the million questions she had about Johnnie.

The cab pulled up to the front of the hotel and the driver looked at Jess, nodding.

"All set," he said.

"Do I owe...?"

"All set, ma'am."

Jess climbed from the cab and looked around. The hotel seemed so quiet and calm. It didn't seem possible that it could house the guys from Chasing Cross. She expected to see dozens of people outside, screaming and begging for Johnnie. Maybe that's what they used the tour bus for. When it drives off, everyone thinks they're gone.

After walking through the lobby of the hotel, Jess called Johnnie again, waiting for the next move. He told her to go to the elevators and wait. That would be the hardest part of the morning. Watching the set of lights above her, counting down. The lights stopped at the tenth floor and then descended again. The minutes moved like hours and when two more people showed up, standing behind Jess, she wondered what would happen when the elevator doors opened.

They finally did and the elevator was empty.

What...

That's when Jess noticed the book in the middle of the elevator. It was the copy of her book, the one that Johnnie had the night before at his show. She had no choice but to step into the elevator. She picked up the book and held it, smiling.

"Excuse me?"

Jess looked up. A woman smiled at her, pointing to the elevator panel.

"What floor?"

"I... I'm not sure," Jess said. "Let me... check..."

The woman raised an eyebrow and turned around. The doors shut and Jess opened the book. She found one of the pages folded and assumed it was where Johnnie had left off. Page twenty-three was the folded page and on top of that, it was circled in pen a few times.

Jess thought about it and swore that the night before Johnnie mentioned he was further into the book than just twenty-three pages. Unless he was lying. Maybe he read slow. Maybe he didn't read at all.

Maybe his floor was twenty-three.

Jess gasped and smiled. She reached forward and touched the number twenty-three.

When the elevator reached the twenty-third floor, she was the only one left to get off. She looked up and down the hall. There were plenty of doors to choose from.

How would she find Johnnie's room?

Jess fingered along the pages of her book, feeling the paper rub against her thumb. She thought about calling Johnnie again. They were far enough away from people, right? It didn't matter now.

Unless Johnnie liked this little game.

Jess checked the book again and sure enough, another page was folded.

Page three-seventeen.

Jess eyed the doors in front of her and saw how they ascended to her right. She turned and started to move fast, almost jogging down the hall. She had to make another right and continued all the way down to the end of the hall.

And there it was.

The last door on the right.

317.

She put her hand up, ready to knock, when the door opened.

"Johnnie," she whispered.

He stood as surprised as Jess. As a smile climbed across his face, Jess took note of his dimples and then his eyes. They were beautiful and protective. Jess felt comfortable, trying to look beyond the celebrity of Johnnie to see the real man that now extended his hand towards her.

When he touched her wrist, she thought of Marie. She thought of Marie's story and how important Johnnie's music was to her. How it helped her. How she found peace through suffering, all because of music. Music that Johnnie created. And that same man now wanted Jess.

She moved into the hotel room, just staring at him.

"Are you okay?" Johnnie asked. "Hope I didn't throw you off too much with the book. It's hard for me to just go out, you know?"

"I understand," Jess said.

"We normally take the bus to the next show or just crash at a hotel. Since we're on a break, the guys are going to hang out here and enjoy the city until our charity show. The bus and equipment are all gone now. The charity show is going to be laid back."

Jess nodded. "What do you do all day then? Just sit in the room?"

"The guys are sleeping, I'm sure. They were celebrating the end of the tour."

"What about you?"

Johnnie touched Jess's cheek with his thumb. He moved to her lips and smiled. "I'll start celebrating right now."

Jess kept her eyes open as Johnnie kissed her. Her lips were parted and she let out a soft moan, unable to control herself. She kissed back as Johnnie had both hands to her face. Jess felt the temptation to touch Johnnie, just like she did last night. Now they were in a hotel, nothing could stop them. There was a bed. Jess was certain it had to be a big bed. She wanted to find out.

When Johnnie moved back from the kiss, Jess licked her lips.

"I've been thinking about that all night," Johnnie said.

"Me too."

Jess moved towards Johnnie again but as he stood taller than her, she couldn't reach his lips. She nuzzled her nose to his neck and felt him take a long breath.

"Jess, wait a second."

"What's wrong?"

Johnnie put his hands to her hips and forced her to take a couple steps back. He looked at her with the slight hesitation and regret of what he was about to say.

"I don't want to just... have you once," Johnnie said. "I know that's the image we have. But that's not what I want."

"I understand," Jess said.

"You're not here for a hookup, Jess. You're here for a purpose."

"What's that?"

"You're an artist, like me. I'm in the middle of a decision, about a song. I need someone to talk to about it."

"I don't know the first thing about music."

"Maybe that's just what I need."

Johnnie walked away from Jess towards the large window at the end of the hotel room. He stood and slipped his hands into his pockets. When he turned his head, Jess froze and stared at the side view of Johnnie's face. His features were perfect but what caught Jess the most was his eyes. She could see the power and the magic in them. He looked out to a city but Jess was certain he saw more than a city. He saw stories, beauty, something to write about. Something to create.

Jess moved across the room, looking around the place. She saw a guitar on the couch, notebooks on the table, but what she didn't see was bottles of booze or drugs. That prompted her to look at Johnnie again, wondering just what kind of man he was. Someone who obviously loved the music and loved the shows.

"What's it like?" Jess asked, still inching he ways towards the gorgeous rockstar.

"What's what like?" Johnnie asked.

"Writing music? Playing shows?"

Johnnie smiled. He looked out the window, leaving Jess barely able to see the faint reflection of his face against the glass.

"It's life," Johnnie said. "It's everything I see and feel coming to life. To express what I feel, what I hear, what I say. Some people hear the faster songs and think they're written for the purpose of being fast. Loud music and all that. But there's more to it. The lyrics tell a story and so does the music. That's why I always bring the songs to the band."

Jess wondered why Johnnie always mentioned the band. He did so as though he regretted what he said. As though he kept trying to remind himself he had a band.

"As far as the shows go... it's not about me and it's not about the band. It's about the people. The fans. They show up, so we play. They're the ones that control it, not me." Johnnie looked over his shoulder and added, "Then again, if nobody showed up, I'd still play. Because I have to. It's my release and my offering to the world."

The words were beautiful and they all made sense to Jess. For the people who asked her why she wrote books, this was why. It was her release. Her way of speaking to the world. Her way of offering something.

Jess moved faster now and when she was within reach of Johnnie, she slipped her arms around his waist. She chased away the thoughts of Johnnie being a rockstar and she chased away the thoughts that she wasn't good enough for him.

They could use each other.

Jess rested the side of her face on Johnnie's back and interlocked her fingers around him. She felt the muscles in his shirt and felt the waves of warmth rush through her body. All her senses were activated and she resisted her urges to see if she could get Johnnie to take her to the bedroom.

"Thank you for being here," Johnnie said. "I was worried you weren't going to find my number on the autograph."

"That was kind of risky," Jess said. "I'm surprised Marie didn't call you."

"I thought about it. Well worth the risk."

"If you say so."

Silence came for a few seconds. Then Johnnie asked, "What are you working on this week?"

"I'm a writer, so, a book."

"Is it important?"

"I hope so," Jess said.

"I mean, do you have to be here to write it?"

"No. I can do whatever I want. I'm waiting for a phone call though..."

A knock at the door ended their alone time.

Johnnie spun around, but kept Jess's hands around him. He hugged her and looked down at her.

"Am I interrupting something?" Jess asked.

"No. Just music stuff. I have a phone interview with a magazine. Stay with me."

Jess shook her head. "No. That's kind of important..."

"Don't worry about it."

Johnnie broke his hold and rushed to the door. He opened it and ushered Peter in, who held his cell phone to his ear. He took it away for a second and waved it at Johnnie.

"Hey, Timmy, listen, I've got Johnnie right here with me now," Peter yelled into the phone.

Peter looked at Jess and smiled. Johnnie put a hand up. He mouthed, It's okay, and then took a seat on the couch. Peter followed suit and placed the phone on the table, putting it on speakerphone.

"You're on, Timmy," Peter yelled.

"Okay," a voice came through. "Johnnie, are you there, man?"

"I'm here. How's it hanging?"

"Amazing. Thanks so much for the interview."

"Anytime."

Peter gave Johnnie a thumbs up.

Jess leaned against the window and watched Johnnie.

"Okay, let's start simple. Tell me about the tour. What's it like? Why the break?"

"The tour is amazing," Johnnie said. "Chasing Cross has the best fans in the world. It never fails to amaze me how they show up, sing every song, and even when we throw a twist into the show, they love it. We take breaks so our band and crew can spend time with their families. Face it, we're not getting any younger, right?" Johnnie laughed. "And being on the road year after year teaches you so much about life. So many of our guys have wives and kids... and seeing them all growing up, it's just something special to see. Plus, everyone knows how much bigger and better the tours get as we take our breaks."

Peter tapped on Johnnie's leg. He mouthed to him, Charity!, and Johnnie nodded.

"We also have a big charity show coming up, so it's not that long of a break."

"Tell me about this twist in your show?" Timmy asked.

"We decided to play an acoustic version of "Chasing" last night. I grabbed a guitar and the band just came together and pulled it off. I don't think we've ever played it like that before, at least live. It was amazing. We are surrounded by the best band members in the world with the best fans in the world cheering us on..."

Jess saw glimpses of herself in Johnnie, wondering if her life would be like that soon enough. Her publisher was due to call her any day now. Hopefully with big news. Not just a big advance but maybe a big push. A chance to do book signings, meet readers, and have that moment in the light.

Johnnie was smooth and calm during the interview, answering with honesty and never forgetting the band. Peter steered the interview when needed and Jess watched as Peter and Johnnie were able to speak to each other through mouthed words and different stares.

"Johnnie, thanks for the time," Timmy said. "Now, on your break, will you write?"

"Of course I will," Johnnie said. "I'm a musician. I play, I write. All the time."

"What do you do with it? The new material."

"Take it to the band," Johnnie said. "Probably after the tour. That's when we usually decide on our next album."

"Why not release it on your own?"

Johnnie looked at Peter and his lip started to curl. "Why would I do that?"

"If you wrote it," Timmy said. "If you have that much ready to go..."

"Interview's over," Johnnie said.

He stood up and moved from the table, pointing to the phone, shaking his head.

"Wait, wait," Peter said. "Timmy..."

"It's an honest question," Timmy said. "Johnnie's the front man. The man everyone wants. His solo album..."

"I said the interview is over!" Johnnie boomed.

He hurried and grabbed the phone, terminating the call. He tossed the phone at Peter, then kicked the table.

"What the hell was that about?" he yelled.

"Calm down," Peter said. "You know these guys. They try to pinch your nerves."

"Pinch my nerves? Give me a break, Peter. Asking me about a solo project?"

"I can't help what they ask," Peter said. "I swear, I had no idea he was going to throw that in there. He was going to end with asking about the next album and when the tour picks up again."

"Doesn't matter now, does it?" Johnnie asked. "You better fix this, Peter. If he prints anything about a solo project..."

"He won't," Peter said. "I know Timmy. He asks questions but he's not a complete ass."

"Just fix it."

Peter stood and started scrolling through his phone. He walked to the door and paused. "Johnnie... I need you to relax for a little bit, okay? I'm trying to work on a new deal with the label. The last thing we need is to add to everything going on."

"Everything going on?" Johnnie asked.

"Rick drinking. Television broken. Loud parties."

"Don't give me that," Johnnie said. "The label's going to drop us because we're loud?"

"I'm not saying that," Peter said. "What I am saying is that they're looking for a mature, stable band. It's not like it was ten years ago. You and I both know that."

"Go call Timmy," Johnnie said. "Fix that mess."

"Keep yours under control," Peter said.

He left the room and Johnnie kicked the table again. He started to pace a few steps and then let out a growl. Jess watched as Johnnie flipped the table, sending his notebooks scattering. The table hit the couch and rolled the guitar to it.

Jess stepped forward but stopped. What could she say? What could she do?

Johnnie finally turned, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry about that," he whispered. "It's just..."

"It's okay," Jess said. "Managers, right?"

Johnnie smiled. "Just looking at you makes me calm down."

"Good. Keep looking at me."

"Peter isn't a bad guy."

"I never said he was."

"He means well," Johnnie said. "But he's insistent that we change. He's so worried about the label..."

"It's okay," Jess said.

"No, it's not. Not when magazines are asking questions about me like that."

Johnnie sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He moved towards Jess with speed, causing her to step back uneasily.

"I have an idea," he said.

"An idea?"

"Yeah. This place is crammed. I can't go away. I can't do anything. Peter is hounding me about... this side project thing."

Jess saw how Johnnie swallowed with regret.

"I don't want anymore interviews, anymore questions. And whatever the band is doing, that's their life, not mine."

"I agree," Jess said.

"Let's get out of here."

"Okay. Where do you want to go? Won't people recognize you?"

"Here, yes. But not where I want to go."

"Which is...?"

"I'll take you home so you can pack. Bring your laptop too. We're going to the mountains."

"The mountains?"

Johnnie nodded with his eyes wide. "I have a place in the mountains. Secluded and quiet. We could be there in time for dinner."

"You're kidding me."

"Not at all. Just me, you, and the mountains."

Johnnie slid his hands into Jess's and lowered his head.

"Come with me, Jess. We can get to know each other. Escape the world for a little bit. Nobody can bother us. Plus, I have to come back for the charity show. Just for a few days."

"You have everything we need?" Jess asked.

"Sure. The only thing I need is you. Come with me."

"I noticed you didn't ask me," Jess said. "You keep telling me."

"Yeah?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Do you want a choice?"

Jess smiled. "I think I made my choice... last night..."

Johnnie brought his lips to Jess's. They touched but he didn't kiss her. Instead, he said, "Me too..."
(14)

It felt like a secret operation as Jess ran behind Johnnie down the hall, holding his hand. It was fun, innocent, and by the time they boarded the elevators, they were both laughing. Jess worried that the elevator wouldn't make it to the ground floor without someone trying to board the elevator.

She was right.

They made it to the fourth floor when the elevator stopped.

Jess gripped his hand tight, wondering what would happen if someone recognized Johnnie.

The doors opened and a man in a suit stepped in. He turned, looked at the ground floor button, and did nothing.

The ride continued and two seconds into moving again, the man turned and looked at Johnnie.

"Hey, are you..."

"Nope," Johnnie said and pressed the button for the third floor.

The elevator stopped in time and he rushed from it, Jess alongside him.

"What are we doing here?" Jess asked.

"We'll take the stairs now," Johnnie said.

At the ground floor, Jess started to move towards the lobby.

"No," Johnnie said. "We'll take the backdoor. There's a car waiting for us."

"A car?"

Johnnie paused and smiled at Jess. "I'm a rockstar. I get what I want, when I want it."

The words made Jess's body flare with heat.

Outside the backdoor of The Richmond, a black car waited. It wasn't a limo but Jess assumed that was done on purpose. A simple black car wouldn't attract as much attention.

Johnnie opened the back door for Jess and within minutes, they were driving towards Jess's apartment. Once settled, she had time to think.

Her first thought?

This is crazy...

Yeah, it was crazy. But when Jess turned her head and looked at Johnnie, it didn't feel so crazy. He was a man in need of a getaway. A chance to relax and let the world roll off his shoulders. Jess felt the same way. For days she had been forcing herself to slave over her keyboard, desperate to churn out another book fast enough to keep her publisher happy. They didn't ask for the book but Jess put the pressure on herself to deliver.

Did that even matter?

Her dream had always been to have the freedom to write. That freedom landed in her lap a while ago and nothing had changed. She did nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing wild. Nothing fun.

Until now.

When the vehicle stopped at her apartment, she hesitated to get out of the car.

"What's wrong?" Johnnie asked.

"This is..."

"What we need," he said. He leaned towards her, taking her hand. "Jess, I'm not forcing you to do a thing. I'm offering you something."

"How long will you wait?" Jess asked.

"As long as I have to."

"What if I go inside and never come out?"

Johnnie smiled. "Then I'd have to come find you. To check on you. To beg you to come with me."

Jess opened the door and slid out of the car. As she looked at Johnnie one last time, she smiled back. "No need to beg."

Through her apartment, Jess was like a storm. She did her best to keep her room from looking like a total disaster but time was wasting away. In nothing short of a miracle, she managed to pack a couple days worth of clothing in just one bag. A big bag, but just one. She put it on her shoulder and tried to move, dragging the bag from her bed. It fell to the floor, taking her shoulder with it. After crying out, Jess then grabbed the bag with two hands and dragged it across the floor. At the door, she made sure everything was locked and she scanned her apartment one last time.

Crazy.

The thought kept coming to her. The constant need to remind herself how crazy this was. But it didn't matter. She could work from anywhere in the world. She could stay in contact with her agent and Marie, or anyone else she needed to.

This was the true freedom of her career, finally able to indulge in it.

More so, it wasn't so bad to have someone as sexy as Johnnie to lead the way.

When Jess kicked open the door to the apartment building, dragging her bag, she stopped and waited for Johnnie. He stepped from the car and put on a pair of sunglasses.

"What the hell is in this?" he asked, lifting the bag off the ground.

"Some clothes," Jess said.

"I thought you needed a laptop," Johnnie said.

"What would I wear? The same clothes day after day?"

"Actually... I was hoping you'd just be naked."

Johnnie turned, just in time, so that Jess could spare herself the embarrassment as her cheeks flushed a deep red. She never had someone be so blunt, honest, and sexy with her. Not to mention she was pretty sure Johnnie wasn't lying.

They were back in the car and driving. This time, Johnnie slid close to Jess and wrapped his arm around her. Jess leaned into him, inhaling him. She didn't care if it was obvious. Her head rested against his hard chest and she felt his strong fingers spread across her shoulder.

Everything felt right and comfortable.

"Tell me about your next book," Johnnie said.

"It's nothing special. Guy and girl fall in love."

"I don't mind that story."

"Yeah, but I'm thinking someone should try to kill one of them. Or both."

"Ouch."

"But it brings them closer."

"I hope nobody tries to kill us," Johnnie said.

"Well, at least we'll be hidden in the mountains, right?"

"Thank you for coming with me."

Jess smiled and her eyes grew heavy. When Johnnie started to rub her shoulder, she quickly fell asleep.

**

Johnnie stared at Jess. Her eyes were shut and her breathing became heavy and relaxed. He held her, realizing just how wild the idea had been. If Johnnie had been alone when the idea struck, he would have eventually talked himself down. He would have stood on the balcony of the hotel, gone to check on the band members, and played guitar. Anything to keep his mind off getting away.

But with Jess, it was like a whole new feeling. He felt younger, more spontaneous, but only in the desire of her eyes. Plus, the interview...

What a joke.

Johnnie didn't want to believe that Peter had anything to do with that. It was common knowledge that Johnnie wrote the songs for Chasing Cross, letting the band add their music and ideas later. It had worked since the early days. People assumed that because of his good looks and rockstar stature, he could handle the stage and fame on his own. Johnnie could, but the desire to do so was something completely different.

The band was the band and that's all that mattered.

As long as the guys wanted to play, record, and tour, Johnnie had an obligation to keep the band together.

But the song...

Johnnie closed his eyes and put his head back. Now the song played in his head. He wrote the damn thing in the mountains, in the same cabin he was heading to right now, with Jess. He remembered recording it, listening to it ten times. Recording more tracks on top of tracks, deleting tracks. Eventually, it became a stripped down version of itself, three guitar tracks and Johnnie's voice in its purest form. Peter called right after he finished the final track and had it playing in the background. That's when it all began. Peter had an ear that Johnnie could only be in awe of. The man couldn't play a note on an instrument and couldn't sing if someone held a gun to his head. But he could pick out a song that could make someone famous.

And that's what he told Johnnie, right on the spot.

He could release the song as a side solo project. A way to supplement income, guarantee self security, along with a dozen other excuses that sounded nice but came with potentially heavy consequences.

Johnnie didn't need the money, even though Peter pushed it over and over. He got the label to agree to a large advance and even more of an advance if Johnnie would write an album.

Big deal.

Johnnie could do nothing for the rest of his life and have enough money to spend over five or six lifetimes.

The smooth ride of the car felt amazing, not to mention the beautiful woman against his body. He opened his eyes and looked down at Jess again. Something about her just worked. She made everything feel calm and collected.

Johnnie shut his eyes, this time smiling.

He was going to the top of the world, to face the mountains and find peace. He already felt on top of the world with Jess and as she moaned in her sleep, he found peace.
(15)

Jess opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She blinked, her eyes adjusting to being awake. She turned her head to the right and rolled her neck. As she sat up, she realized she was already sitting. She saw Johnnie with his head back, sleeping, and everything came back to her. Part of her expected to wake up in bed, coming out of the best dream of her life.

That wasn't the case, at all.

She looked forward and caught sight of the new backdrop for their time away.

When he said mountains, he literally meant it.

Without a single building or house in sight, the car pointed towards the bright blue sky, Jess could feel it as they climbed higher. Ascending away from the city, everything shaking off her shoulders and body.

Everything but Johnnie.

"Five minutes."

Jess looked and saw Johnnie was awake too.

"What?" she asked.

"Five minutes. Right up this road. Looks scarier than it is."

"It's not scary at all. It's... beautiful."

"Not when it rains or snows."

"You get snow up here?"

"Sure," Johnnie said. "If the weather is right. It doesn't happen too often, but when the ground gets too wet and muddy, you can't really move."

Jess scanned the perfect scenery. She smiled.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnnie asked.

"Rain," Jess replied.

"Rain? Why rain?"

Jess looked at Johnnie. "I hope it pours for days."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So much rain, they close the roads. Nobody can get to us."

"Oh, Jess, nobody will bother us here. I promise you. I haven't even told anyone that I'm up here."

Jess sat up straighter. "What about your band? Your manager? Won't they worry?"

"For a minute or two," Johnnie said. "They'll figure it out. They know what happens when I have to leave."

"When you have to? Do you come up here a lot?"

"I'll be honest," Johnnie said, "I usually come up here when my heart is heavy. When things aren't feeling so good."

"How does your heart feel right now?"

Johnnie took Jess's hand and put it to his chest. "I feel good. I feel like I'm doing exactly what I should be doing."

"Are you sure your band won't care?"

"They understand," Johnnie said. "They're probably just getting up anyway..."

Johnnie looked away and swallowed. She closed her hand as much as she could, feeling the definition of his chest. More than ever she wanted this ride to be over. She wanted to see where Johnnie came to unwind. This was where he came to create music and spill his heart.

Jess wanted to be the one he spills his heart to.

The cabin came into view and Jess let out a sigh of both relief and happiness. It wasn't some sprawling wooden mansion. It was indeed a cabin. A beautiful wood cabin with wooden pillars on the porch, wooden rails, and two wooden rocking chairs on the porch. The driveway area was made up of tan color rock with a knoll in the center of the driveway with a large black rock. It was misshapen and looked like it had no purpose being there.

"What is that?" Jess asked.

"That's the rock that was supposed to kill me," Johnnie said. He had a half smile on his face, as though he knew Jess would look confused after a statement like that.

The car stopped, the driver looking in the mirror.

"We're fine," Johnnie said. "You don't have to wait."

Johnnie opened his door and walked around to open Jess's. He took her hand and led her from the car before taking her bag. Johnnie made it three steps before placing it to the ground.

Jess hugged herself because it was cooler than the city. With a soft breeze and shades of what felt like a perfect spring day, it was the kind of weather that in the sun was the right kind of warmth but night it was perfect for a blanket... or a fire... or a man.

The car pulled away and Johnnie waved.

"He just leaves?" Jess asked.

"That's his job. Don't worry, I have a vehicle. But I don't plan on going anywhere."

Jess smiled. "Tell me about the rock."

Grass had been planted around it and small purple flowers bloomed. It looked like a shrine.

"Well, when I bought the cabin, I was told that some rocks are big enough to fall." Johnnie pointed to a large hill that was a couple hundred feet away. The tip of the hill appeared to touch to sky.

Jess imagined its peak disappearing into a morning fog when the weather proved right.

"I didn't think anything of it," Johnnie said. "But one night after a thunderstorm, I went to use the bathroom. That rock rolled off that hill. It crashed through the cabin and crushed my bed. But I wasn't in it."

"It rolled that far?" Jess asked.

"The first cabin was built against the hill. After that rock hit it, I had it rebuilt here. I'm told it's far enough away. So far, so good."

Jess eyed the scene, trying to imagine something like that happening.

Johnnie took her bag, her hand, and lead her to the cabin. He opened the door and allowed Jess to walk in first. She looked around the cozy place, inhaling its fresh smell. The walls were lined with guitars, hanging in cascading position. There were so many colors and shapes, Jess had no idea that many guitars existed. In the living room a large stone fireplace was part of the back wall while in the corner was a small recording set up.

Guitars.

Amplifiers.

Drums.

Computers and equipment.

"That's where I write," Johnnie said stepping up behind Jess. "If you go look out that window all you can see is mountains. Mountains running into mountains until they become a blur. It's the most intense thing to stare at."

"I bet it is," Jess said as she looked over her shoulder.

As far as she was concerned, she was already looking at the most intense thing.

Johnnie.

"What do you think of the place?" Johnnie asked.

"It's perfect," Jess said. "It's comfortable. It's... you."

"That's what I was going for. I don't bring people here. This is my personal space. Where I come to write, to think, and sometimes to bleed."

"Anything else?" Jess asked.

"Like what?"

Jess wanted to say love, but just the word coming to her mind made her freeze.

"I don't know," she managed to say.

Johnnie touched her hips, pulling her back so his body touched hers. He slid his lips and down her neck, not kissing her, but still savoring her. Jess turned her neck, giving Johnnie more to enjoy. With her hands at her sides, it just didn't feel right, but she knew that if she dared to reached back for Johnnie, her hands wouldn't be stopped. Her body raged for Johnnie in ways she hadn't felt for a man... ever. The time that had passed since she'd been touched, pleasured, felt like a lifetime and when the tip of Johnnie's tongue touched Jess's neck, she shivered in a way that made her feel pure again. As though any other man that had touched her, held her, had her, meant nothing, which created an even bigger desire for Johnnie.

When Johnnie came to the bottom of her ear, she felt his nose nuzzle her earlobe first, a sweet gesture, followed by his lips, a not so sweet gesture.

Jess groaned as she felt Johnnie's warm breath against and in her ear.

"Want to see the rest?" Johnnie whispered.

"The rest of what?" Jess asked, slightly in a trance.

The rest of the cabin? The rest of Johnnie?

"Follow me," Johnnie said.

He slithered his way off Jess, leaving her lingering but not disappointed. She never saw a man move like him. Everything was casual, and when her body wanted to feel frustrated, Johnnie just looked at her with his eyes, showing her the dark depth, the comfort, and the temptation that waited.

Johnnie slipped his fingers into Jess's hand and led her through the living room. They paused at the window near all the instruments. Jess couldn't help herself as she reached out and flicked one of the guitars. The notes were mixed and dry and sounded terrible. It amazed her to think that Johnnie could take that guitar and create something beautiful from it.

"What do you think of the view?" Johnnie asked.

Jess stared up at Johnnie. Her eyes danced along his jaw line, making their way slowly, memorizing his subtle and sexy features, until their eyes were locked.

"Looks good to me," Jess whispered.

Johnnie laughed. He reached up with one finger and placed it against Jess's cheek. He turned her head to look out the window.

The view was breathtaking. Just like Johnnie had said, mountains on top of mountains, going so far that it almost hurt to try and understand it. Jess wondered how many miles she could see right then. With the clear sky, the only limitation was that of perception. She understood why Johnnie could find solace up here, a chance to explore life and humans and relationships, enough to write life changing songs. Then again, she could also understand how coming up here in pain could be a bad idea. The loneliness, the reminder of how big the world was, and the intense quietness and opportunity to explore your own thoughts.

"Come," Johnnie said and started walking.

He led Jess through an open kitchen with lots of windows and lots of light. Skylights were throughout the middle and on each side hung plenty of lights for nighttime. The largest window was above the sink.

"Faces east," Johnnie said. "When you wake up, you can stand here with a cup of coffee and watch the sunrise. Or... go out that door..." Johnnie pointed to a door next to the kitchen counter. "...and stand on the deck."

Johnnie opened the door and Jess peeked out to see a deck that ran half the length of the cabin. It had a small bistro set and as Jess stood on her toes to look more, she realized the deck was very close to a drop off. Her fear of heights kicked in and she stepped back.

From the kitchen, Johnnie showed her the bathroom, and then took her upstairs to a small loft that had a small bedroom, half bath, and an open floor where Johnnie had a desk with more guitars and more recording equipment. The more Jess lost herself in the vibe of the cabin the more she realized she needed something like this too. Her own private space to hide in. The cabin wasn't set up for entertainment. It wasn't set up for living. It was set up just as Johnnie wanted it, for himself. She began to think about her advance, her next advance, her royalty statements. It still didn't feel completely real to be paid for her writing. She couldn't imagine spending money on anything, not after struggling for so long, waiting for her break.

"And then, there's one more room," Johnnie said.

They were back on the main floor. One door was left to open and Johnnie did it with a smile on his face. As the door opened, Jess knew what room it was going to be.

The master bedroom.

The first thing she could sense was Johnnie. His smell, all over the room. A large bed. A tall four drawer dresser. A leather couch. A calm aura throughout the room. A small fireplace on the opposite wall of the bed. No television. No computers. No recording equipment. But yet a single acoustic guitar. An old guitar, looking beat up and worn out. It was on the floor, like a corpse, but Jess figured that's how Johnnie wanted it.

"I save the best for last," Johnnie whispered as he positioned himself behind Jess again.

This time when he touched her hips, Jess knew everything was going to happen. She hurried and turned around, not wanting to just be on the receiving end of Johnnie's desire. She wanted to explore her own.

Her hands touched his face, both hands shaking as she did so. She tried to calm her breathing but it was no use. Her body was engaged, her nerve endings tingling everywhere. The most sensitive of areas ached for Johnnie. As one of his cool hands moved under her shirt, and touched her warm skin, she took heavy breaths.

Jess felt Johnnie's fingertips climb up her body. He moved over her breast, his large hand cupping her. His other hand slid around to Jess's lower back and he pulled, forcing her to him. He looked down with honest eyes and a devilish smile.

"Jess..."

"I don't want to talk anymore," Jess whispered.

"What do you want then?" Johnnie asked.

"You."

Jess moved to her toes and Johnnie met her. Their lips touched and their mouths opened. The kiss was instantly hotter than backstage at the concert. The intention this time oozed with sexual need. The kiss last night was simply fantasy, a chance to explore. Right now, this was embedded cravings finally coming to life.

Johnnie moved both hands back to Jess's hips. He squeezed and lifted her, carrying her straight to his bed.

Jess sat down and leaned back, her legs already open, watching Johnnie tower over her. His hands caressed her face and moved beyond. When he touched her breasts, over her shirt, Jess moaned and thrust her chest at him. He continued down, curling his fingers around the bottom of her shirt. Jess sat up and lifted her arms in unison as Johnnie took her shirt off. When the shirt covered her face, in that split second of time, she realized just what was happening.

This was going to happen.

With Johnnie from Chasing Cross.

Johnnie threw the shirt to the floor and Jess put her hands back on the bed. He quickly moved again, his hands touching her pants. She watched Johnnie's fingers work with ease and she lifted her lower half off the bed, allowing Johnnie to slide her pants down.

That's where Jess drew the line, for the moment. She sat up and went for Johnnie's shirt. Her hands took their turn, moving up his rippling stomach and hard chest. On the way back down, she let her nails touch him and dig at him, enough that she felt Johnnie's skin shudder. He groaned and stared down at her, still smiling.

"Wild one," he whispered.

"You have no idea," Jess said.

She lifted Johnnie's shirt and placed her lips to his stomach. She kissed up and then down, going right to where his jeans began. That's when her tongue came forward, tasting him, teasing him as she played, trying to reach into his pants.

Johnnie took his own shirt off and while Jess felt she had some kind of power in the situation, she lost it all when Johnnie undid his own belt and opened the button on his jeans. He slipped his thumbs not just into his pants but also into his boxers. He pushed, allowing his boxers and jeans to go low enough that Jess had to stop. She gasped for air, watching the very beginning of Johnnie appear.

His hands moved and touched Jess's shoulders, leaving her moaning, feeling tortured. She looked up at Johnnie and the look in his eye told her he knew exactly what he was doing.

Jess slid back on the bed, all the way to the pillows. She lay with her knees bent, gently arching her back. She reached behind herself and unsnapped her bra. Her fingers then touched her neck and she slowly drew lines down to her breasts. At her bra, she paused and bit on her lip.

Johnnie stood at the foot of the bed, his hands balled into fists.

"You drive me mad," he said.

"Good," Jess said.

"No, you don't understand. I've never had a woman do this to me..."

"Do what?" Jess asked.

Johnnie opened his mouth to speak and Jess moved her fingers down, sliding her bra off her chest. She took it off and threw it towards Johnnie. It landed on the end of the bed. Johnnie's eyes didn't move from her.

Jess's chest felt heavy, aching for Johnnie. She touched herself, gliding her fingers along her nipples, feeling them throb with each touch. She moaned and sighed then started to set her sights on her panties. But when she regained her focus, Johnnie was already on the bed, moving towards her.

He hovered over her chest, breathing on her. His warm breath made her shiver. He came down, touching his nose to her left nipple. He moved slowly but with force.

"Oh, Johnnie," Jess whispered.

Johnnie moved to the other side of her chest. His lips grazed her, the tip of his tongue tasting her.

His left hand touched her side and then came across her stomach in a hurry. She felt his fingers turn and slip into her panties. He rubbed along her smooth skin, following the curve of her body. His fingers danced along her folds, touching her core, carefully moving.

It only lasted a few seconds but the pleasure that soared through Jess's body made it feel as though it had been happening for hours upon hours. Her hand reached down, finding Johnnie's pants. She made no hesitation as she worked her hand into his pants and boxers, running her hand along his thickness. She desperately wanted him inside her.

Johnnie swayed his hips, working himself out of his jeans and boxers, kicking them to the floor. His right hand now had a fierce grip on Jess's panties and he pulled at them, without remorse, and Jess could feel the gentle fabric starting to tear. Jess lifted her hips off the bed, touching Johnnie's bare body. She groaned and sought relief but it was too late, Johnnie tore her panties. She looked down at them, dangling off her hip.

"Sorry," Johnnie whispered even though he didn't sound sorry at all.

"Might as well finish the job," Jess whispered.

She kissed Johnnie, seeking the warmth and comfort of his mouth.

As they kissed, Johnnie reached across Jess's body and pulled at the other side of her panties. They tore with ease under his commanding strength. Then they were gone and Johnnie wasted no time lowering himself to her.

Feeling Johnnie at her entrance, Jess let out a much needed cry.

Johnnie slipped his right hand behind her neck and kept his left hand on the bed, his elbow locked, allowing enough room between he and Jess so they could both watch him enter her.

The kiss ended as the sex began.

Jess tried to look down, catching a quick view of Johnnie as his sex pressed into her body. That was all she could manage. Once the penetration increased, so did the pressure. Jess let her head fall back under the comfort of Johnnie's hand behind her neck. With a hard thrust, he filled Jess's body. He held in place and stared at her.

Jess caught her breath even though her heart continued to race. The pleasure already started to reach a climatic state. She had the urge to apologize to Johnnie but she could see it in his eyes... he needed this as much as she did.
(16)

Johnnie brought his body down to Jess. His chest pressed against hers. He could feel her soft, warm breasts. As he moved his hips, starting with a soft motion, Jess's hands went to his back, holding him for a second and then she began to claw at him. Her nails weren't very sharp but as she moved her hands, Johnnie groaned at the scratching feeling.

Her body was warm, tight, satisfying. With each gentle pump he offered her, she looked at him with sincere eyes; eyes that didn't just enjoy the moment and the pleasure but eyes that understood how important the moment was.

Johnnie let his fingertips slide down the side of Jess's body, feeling her try to jump as he touched ticklish spots. He couldn't help himself. The more she jumped, the better everything felt. At her hip he moved around until he was cupping her backside. He squeezed and lifted to seek more of her body.

As his speed grew faster, leaving the gentler passion move into oblivion, Jess began to moan louder, wanting more, asking for him. Johnnie moved as his body dictated and slowly, Jess started to find the confidence to rock at him.

Together, they had each other, their bodies touching, the heat growing by the second. They savored one another, Johnnie kissing her lips, moving down to her chin, and finally tasting her neck. His tongue found hints of perfume and as Jess sweat, the warm aroma crept up Johnnie's nose, bringing back all the feelings he felt backstage at the concert.

How hot the moment had been they shared.

How he almost lost her, again, because he couldn't just tell her what he wanted.

"I want you," he whispered as his lips traveled up her neck towards her ear.

"What?" Jess asked, ending it with a gentle moan.

Johnnie slowed himself and kissed across her cheek, back to her lips. He touched her lips but didn't kiss. Instead, he spoke, so Jess hear him and feel his lips as he said it.

"I want you," he said. "I should have said it before. In the café. At the show. I want you, Jess."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm in your bed, with you," Jess said.

Johnnie felt her move her lower half as she slid against him. He grunted and thrust, unable to control his instincts.

"I just wanted you to know that," he said.

Jess put a thumb to his lips and traced them. "You have me, Johnnie... you have me..."

Jess moved her thumb and Johnnie kissed her. This time the kiss grew intense as did Johnnie's movements. There was no stopping him now, but he was sure that Jess wouldn't stop him anyway.

The only time their kiss took a break was when Johnnie reached climax. Jess opened her mouth and let out a cry and Johnnie waited as he watched her. When he finished, he didn't exit her body but he did kiss her. He kissed her for what felt like hours but only passed as minutes.

He rolled from Jess's perfect body and pulled her, forcing her to her side to face him. His fingers traced along her face as she stared at him. They were never so open before. He knew he had brought Jess to a tender moment of honesty.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"How it can be real," Jess whispered.

"What can?"

"All of this..."

"Jess, it is."

"That's what my heart keeps telling me."

"Listen to it then."

Johnnie placed his hand to her chest. Not quite near her heart as he cupped her breast, but close enough for him.

Jess moaned and smiled, then closed her eyes. Within seconds, he watched her drift off to sleep. His blood was pumping too hard and too fast to even consider sleep. This was the first time in a long time he'd made love to woman. Anything recent had been sex... and even less than that. It had been fucking. The attempt at satisfaction which, for all Johnnie knew, was just his feeble attempt at pleasing the rockstar ego that sometimes followed him like a rabid animal.

Johnnie rolled to his back and took a deep breath. He smiled and shook his head, realizing it was the first time he'd had sex in this very bed. Of all the wild things his life had given him, including the financial security to have a secluded cabin like this, he did everything he could to keep it hidden. Bearing his soul on stage for the fans, pouring lyrics and music into each song, refusing to have someone even suggest the idea of bringing on a songwriter to assist, it all left him feeling exposed. All the time. Each song had its own story and purpose and Johnnie was the man behind it.

Slowly, Johnnie shifted himself out of the bed. Jess didn't stir an inch. He found his clothes and then stood at the bottom of the bed, watching her sleep. On her side. Her hair slowly falling towards her face. Her soft lips. Johnnie licked his lips, still tasting her. She was completely naked, looking like a posing model, her body in a crescent pose. Her left arm covered some of her breast, the erotic sight made Johnnie's body feeling warm and ready to go again.

He dressed and took a blanket off the leather couch in the room and placed it on Jess. He then left the room, found her bag, and silently carried it back into the bedroom for her.

The silence of the cabin was sometimes the loudest noise in the world. With the silence came no distractions and with no distractions came no excuses. Johnnie stood at the window in the living room, looking out to the mountains. The guitars, drums, and other instruments were before him, silent, still, but he could hear them in his mind.

Was it so bad?

To want more?

To find something different?

To settle?

Johnnie knew his name as a solo act wouldn't draw the crowds Chasing Cross did, and that was okay. But what it would do though is give him freedom. Small clubs. Small venues. Smaller crowds. All acoustic. Laid back.

Time trickled on and Johnnie eventually sat down in front of the computer monitor at his recording desk. He saw himself in the blackness of the screen and hurried to turn it on. He turned on the rest of the computer and recording equipment. When the computer loaded, the only icon on the desktop was the file for the new song. Johnnie kept it there, smack dab in the middle, because of how excited he had been after finishing the song. He moved the mouse to the file and clicked on it. It highlighted the audio file but didn't open it.

Sighing, Johnnie double clicked and watched as it opened.

It began to play but there was no sound. The speakers were turned off and Johnnie left it that way. He watched the seconds move and it somehow felt metaphoric to him.

He thought about the band.

Danny was blood, yet the rest of the guys were close enough. They deserved to play and write as long as they wanted to.

Johnnie reached for the speakers and turned them on.

The song played, Johnnie's voice leading against acoustic tracks.

The song was beautiful.

Nothing could be added by the band even though he felt something was still missing from it.

Shit.

Johnnie closed his eyes and lowered his head. He wished Jess were awake, and with him right then. She could take his mind off this... and maybe she could fix his ailing heart.
(17)

Jess sat up and the blanket fell from her chest. When she saw her bare breasts, she gasped and picked the blanket up. She looked left to right but before she could say a word, she heard music.

Coming from the living room.

Johnnie.

She kicked the covers off and stood from the bed, taking the blanket with her. The first thing she saw were her torn panties on the floor. Her mouth fell open and even in the privacy of her own company her cheeks turned red. Never before had she had someone so aggressive. And not for one second did Jess worry about Johnnie as he overcame her. She fully opened to him, in more ways than one.

She stepped over the panties and saw the rest of her clothes, scattered on the floor like she was a messy college girl. Not at all. That mess of clothing was from the best kind of lust. Unfiltered. And just what Jess wanted and expected from Johnnie. She took note that Johnnie's clothes were gone which explained the music playing outside the room. Before she could curse herself for not having panties, she saw her bag, waiting just within the door.

It made Jess's heart thud. What a romantic touch. Something so subtle meant so much. It meant that the sex wasn't just sex. It wasn't just Johnnie taking her to the cabin for a romp or two. Sure, he had said sweet words while he was deep inside her. Jess had been down that road before - the empty promises that came with a hookup.

But Johnnie took the time and care to bring her bag into the room...

Calm down, right now.

Jess felt old demons creeping in. The ones she picked on Marie for all the time. The ones that made her try to fall fast. The difference was that while in the past those demons wanted her to fall for someone but she never did. Now, staring at the bag on the floor, she realized that maybe she didn't quite fall for Johnnie yet, but she certainly had tripped... the second she saw him on stage.

After finding panties that weren't torn in her bag, Jess dressed and left the bedroom.

She walked slow, wanting to hear the song.

It was a new song, definitely. Then again, Jess was technically somewhat of a Chasing Cross virgin. But Johnnie had been talking about a new song...

She moved into the living room and saw Johnnie standing at the window.

The song continued. Something about the tone and vibe was so much different than a Chasing Cross song. The clean sound of the guitars and Johnnie's voice made it powerful and with purpose.

Jess noticed Johnnie hung his head. Every few seconds he would shake his head. His right hand was outstretched, his middle fingers moving along the strings of a guitar.

The song came to an end and Johnnie side stepped to the computer. He reached for the mouse and Jess knew she had to say something.

"For the record, I like it," she said.

Johnnie jumped and spun around. He quickly blinked and smiled.

Was he crying? Jess asked herself.

No way, she refused to believe that.

"Hey there," Johnnie said. "Sorry if I woke you. Not used to company. I try my best to keep it down... but the more it goes, the more I turn it up."

"No, that's fine. I'm sorry I fell asleep, again. Not used to being up so late and traveling so much."

"Welcome to the life," Johnnie said. "I'm going to play this again."

Jess watched a different Johnnie before her. Not the passionate man from the bedroom. Not the rockstar on stage, commanding a crowd. Not even the fired up man during the phone interview with the magazine.

This was a much different kind of Johnnie.

This man was humble, worried, and yet the look in his eyes as he dazed off told Jess that this song meant something to him. Maybe more than anything he had ever written. To Jess, it wasn't the greatest song she'd ever heard, and maybe it didn't even rival the song "Chasing", but what mattered was what Johnnie felt on the inside.

Johnnie's left hand reached and gripped the neck of a guitar. He lifted it and swung it around, so smooth. It Jess tried something like that, the guitar would have went sailing through the air.

He put a leg up on the chair, balanced the guitar on his leg, and started playing with the song.

That's when it really hit Jess.

This was the song. The song Johnnie was meant to write and play by himself. There was no need for more instruments and layering. It was meant to be done as a man with a guitar, and a story to share.

Jess stood like a statue for the entire song, watching Johnnie go through plenty of emotions. When it ended, he strummed the chords on his guitar.

"I like that song a lot," Jess said. "When you play it..."

"It's a good song," Johnnie said. He looked at Jess. "But can I write an album around it?"

"You can do anything you want. My first book... all I had was a scene in my head. I built the rest around it."

"With the band though?" Johnnie asked.

Jess didn't have a response.

Johnnie sighed and put the guitar down. "Okay. That's enough of that. I didn't bring you here to drag you down with me."

"It's okay," Jess said. "I know how it feels sometimes."

"Come here, Jess."

Johnnie had his arms open. How could Jess resist? She walked to Johnnie and accepted his embrace. His arms were strong and perfect. He then lifted Jess and walked her to the door. He opened it and took Jess out to the deck.

"This view freaks me out," she said.

"Why?"

Jess put her feet down but didn't let Johnnie go. She looked out to the mountains, to the peaks and valleys, to the world.

"Because the world is so big," she said.

"It's big to look at," Johnnie said. "But if you're with the right person, it's the right size. It's like holding it in the palm of your hand."

Jess looked at Johnnie, preferring his face over the lethal drops that waited.

"How about we eat?" Johnnie asked.

"Are you going to cook for me?" Jess teased.

"Of course. I hope you like wine, that's a rule here."

"There's rules?"

"My place, my rules," Johnnie said.

"What are they?"

"The rules? They're simple. First, we drink wine. Starting now. Second, when we're close enough, we kiss. And finally, tonight, when it's dark, we try to count as many stars as we can."

"That's impossible..."

"That's the fun of it. Nothing wrong with chasing the impossible."

Johnnie cooked while Jess stood near him, sipping wine. He purposely walked by her any chance he got, and kissed her. Rules were rules. He called her out on breaking rule one claiming that sipping wasn't drinking.

After two glasses, Jess felt good.

Warm.

Happy.

Good.

"Can we put that song back on?" she asked.

Johnnie froze, looking over his shoulder from the masterpiece dinner he cooked. "You want to hear it again?"

"I can't get it out of my head right now," she said.

"You like it that much?"

"I love it that much, Johnnie."

Johnnie smiled, a sincere smile, and left the kitchen. The song began to play a few seconds later and when Johnnie's voice kicked in, Jess started focusing on the lyrics. Not just hearing them, but feeling them.

They ate dinner, and had another glass of wine, leaving Jess feeling even better. When she stood, hell bent on cleaning up, the room swirled for a second. She balanced herself and when she realized Johnnie had caught her, her cheeks blushed.

"Not a wine drinker?" he asked.

"Not really a drinker at all. I like my mind clear, so I can work."

"Me too. But sometimes I like to cloud my mind. Keeps things fun."

Johnnie helped Jess clean up and as they bumped elbows at the sink, they looked and smiled at each other. The hint of domestic bliss became overshadowed by intense romance as Johnnie did everything he could to touch and kiss Jess.

"Can I ask something?" Jess asked.

"You just did."

"Something a little more serious?"

"Why not?"

In the background, the song was coming to end after its tenth run. Jess could hear the music still and the words were now plastered in her mind.

"Why does your manager want this so bad for you? What about your band?"

"Oh, Jess, come here." Johnnie turned and pulled Jess close to him. His hands interlocked around her lower back. Jess put her hands around Johnnie's neck. "It's not my band, Jess. It never was and it never will be."

"I didn't mean it like that," Jess said, feeling silly. "You're the singer..."

"And Rick's the drummer. I can't play drums like he can. Just like Davey and my brother. Those two together on guitar... it's beautiful. Without them, what am I?"

"Johnnie," Jess said. "You're still Johnnie."

"And that's what Peter wants. He's not a bad man, he's a business man. For all I know, he could be asking the same of the other guys. For me, he thinks by going solo, it'll just add more security to my life. I can get more personal, more stripped down."

"I like you stripped down," Jess said.

Johnnie smiled. "I'm sure you do. It's just business. People see us and think it's all about music. There's so much more to it. Everything little decision... from touring to how the tracks are listed on the new album..."

"What do you want?"

Johnnie puckered his lips. "You know, we're breaking the second rule here. Look how close we are, and we're not kissing."

Jess considered pressing Johnnie since he obviously ignored her question. But kissing him... well, that she couldn't pass up.

Their lips touched, making up for a few broken rules, but Johnnie slowly opened his mouth, adding his tongue, tossing the rule book out the window. He pulled at Jess, keeping her body tight to his. Jess never enjoyed kissing someone so much. She moved to her toes to kiss Johnnie harder.

"Jess..."

She kept kissing him.

"Jess... wait..."

Jess finally succumbed and bit at Johnnie's lower lip.

"I'll make it up to you in a bit," he said. "Let's go outside and look at the stars."

It felt so juvenile, but when Johnnie slipped his hand into Jess's, it felt so right. He opened the door again and Jess marveled at that situation. It was just so many hours ago that Johnnie stood on the stage, commanding thousands of people with rock n' roll music. And now he commanded Jess to the back deck to look at stars.

The air was cool, more crisp than before. Jess instantly shivered, waiting for Johnnie to wrap his arms around her. Even if it wasn't cool out she would have shivered. She needed Johnnie to touch her as much as possible. Her mind reminded her that for each second that went by was another second counting down until reality would come. Reality meant waiting for her agent to call. Johnnie facing his decision. The two of them having to leave the cabin.

But for now...

Jess looked up.

She thought she could show off her intelligence and find at least one of the constellations in the sky. Everyone knew the basic ones, right?

That idea shattered to pieces as Jess saw more stars than she'd ever seen in her life. There were clusters upon clusters. The sky looked nothing like it did in the city. She couldn't find one star that made sense. That didn't matter though. The sight was beautiful. Breathtaking even.

Johnnie squeezed Jess, and locked his arms around her.

"Makes you feel alive, doesn't it?" Johnnie whispered.

"Makes me feel small. Makes you wonder about the world, the universe..."

"Makes our problems seem so small. That's why I love it up here."

"I love it here too," Jess said. "With you."

Johnnie rubbed his cheek against hers and let out a breath. "Sometimes I think about stopping all together."

"Stopping what? Coming up here?"

"No. Music."

Jess broke from Johnnie's lock and turned to face him. "What?"

"Being on the road is hard. Dealing with the business, the band, the life of it all. And now with this song..."

"You should be amazed at your ability. How many years after your first album and you can still write a song like that?"

"What if I want it to be mine?" Johnnie asked. "Everything you've ever written... has it been plastered across the world?"

Jess swallowed. She shook her head. "No, it hasn't. That's because it wasn't very good."

"I'm sure it was good to you."

"And if I had a song like that, Johnnie, I would share it. Do you realize how important music is to people? How important your music is?"

Jess considered telling him about Marie's personal story and the song "Chasing", but she didn't want to make Johnnie feel uneasy. There was something about being a creative artist that was beautiful but also held a curse. Jess could only wish someday people would tell her how important her books were, but she knew better. She wrote for the thrill of entertainment.

Johnnie wrote from the heart.

"Then keep the song," Jess said. "Keep it for yourself."

"I tried that once," Johnnie said. "I ended up writing almost thirty songs and felt like I was alone, homeless, with no purpose, and that I was cheating the band and our fans."

Jess opened her mouth but stopped. Against the small light of the evening, she saw the way Johnnie's face looked. Beautiful, troubled. She saw the color of his eyes and could see how open he was at that moment.

"Just don't cheat yourself," Jess whispered. She touched Johnnie's face, and her own body reacted.

"I think we need more wine," Johnnie said.

"I think we need to follow your second rule... we're way too close right now..."

"Fair enough."

Johnnie kissed Jess and she felt his passion running through her. The passion of a man who acted as a fatherly figure to the rest of Chasing Cross. The man who made heavy decisions while bearing his heart and soul. Jess knew he needed someone in his life to be there and she wanted to be that one.

Her hands slid around to the back of Johnnie's neck and she subtly dug her nails into his skin, just enough to signal to him that their star gazing adventure was over.

Johnnie broke the kiss and backed away. "Wait right here..."

**

Johnnie stormed through the cabin, his body feeling more alive than it had in years. In the living room, he paused and bent over, placing his hands to his knees, catching his breath. The room spun and it had nothing to do with the wine. Hell, he could drink a full bottle of wine on his own and feel fine.

This was because of Jess.

She somehow got to the core of him. She said things nobody else would say. She was honest in a way that most wouldn't dare try. Worst of all, she was right.

It was his choice with everything in his life.

Just don't cheat yourself.

She was like a poet. Words fell from her mouth in such a beautiful fashion.

"Just don't cheat yourself," Johnnie whispered.

He stood back up and decided he wouldn't cheat himself. At least not tonight.

He hurried to the computer and turned on the song, putting it on a constant repeat. It sounded even better turned way up. Next he rushed to the bedroom and in the closet found two heavy blankets. On his final stop through the kitchen, he grabbed the half empty bottle of wine but left the glasses in the kitchen.

It was a drink from the bottle kind of night.
(18)

Jess stepped to the side and watched as Johnnie made a small bed for them on the deck. He handed her the bottle of wine and reminded her of the first rule. Jess tilted the bottle towards Johnnie in a salute and then placed the bottle to her lips. She took a small sip, one that Johnnie would have disapproved of, but he didn't say anything.

The song blared in the house but came out of the house at just the right volume.

"Why the song?" Jess asked.

Johnnie stepped to her and took the wine bottle from her hand. He took a drink that made Jess's mouth fall open.

"I need the song on," Johnnie said. "Because I want to make love to you. Right here. Right now."

Johnnie reached beyond Jess and placed the wine bottle on the small table on the deck and then set his sights on her.

Jess had never done anything this wild in her life. Ever. The first thing she did was look around, her mind expecting to find some kind of lights from another house or a car... or something.

There were none.

This was like being on top of the world. Lost in a special place. The backdrop being the tipped silhouettes of the mountains against the star filled sky. The moon offered little light and the only other light came from the kitchen windows.

Johnnie had one hand on Jess's backside and the other touching her chest. Her pulled her close and kissed her chin. Jess sighed and let her head fall back. She kept her eyes open, seeing the stars as she felt Johnnie kiss her neck. From her neck, she felt Johnnie nuzzle the top of her shirt. She giggled but then felt Johnnie's nose as it rubbed down her shirt. She looked down with a gasp just in time to see that Johnnie had moved to his knees. Before she muttered a sound, his hands were at her pants.

This was dangerously erotic... but as Johnnie's soft lips kissed just below her belly button as Jess stepped from her pants and panties, she caught a sense of romance too.

This was bad, very bad, but very good.

Jess wasn't sure how far Johnnie would go but his tongue made it evidently clear. He enjoyed her body, leaving Jess trying to balance herself, reaching back to the table for support, missing it, and finally just bending her knees slightly. Johnnie's hands touched the back of her legs, coaxing her into relaxing.

There was no relaxing, not with Johnnie in his current position.

After bringing Jess to a quick but effective climax, he retreated up her body, kissing her slowly using just his lips. Kiss after sensual kiss, Johnnie's hands stayed ahead, lifting Jess's shirt. A minute later, Jess stood naked on the deck. She shivered and felt her body reacting to the cold.

"Come here," Johnnie said as he tried to hug her.

"No way," Jess said. "You're dressed..."

"Are you making a rule?" Johnnie asked.

"Yes. I am. Next rule... when one of is naked, the other has to get naked too."

"That's a good rule."

"I think it's the best one," Jess said.

Johnnie put his hands up and stepped back a step. Trying to play it cool even though she shook with anticipation and fear, Jess found the bottle of wine. This time she took a real drink, seeking warmth and a way to calm herself.

She handed the bottle to Johnnie who now stood in nothing but his boxers. He drank like before and then finished stripping himself. When he stepped forward again, Jess had her hand ready, accepting him, his hardness and length.

Johnnie didn't let it bother him as he pulled Jess tight to his body. He lifted her off the ground, stepped back three steps, and then lowered himself, along with Jess, down to the thick blanket on the deck.

On her back, Jess looked at the stars, then at Johnnie. He found the other blanket and pulled it up over his back and shoulders. Between the blankets and their lust filled desires, there was more than enough heat.

Johnnie kissed Jess, and she fought back with her tongue. Their heads moved side to side, and their grunts and groans filtered around them. Johnnie kept his sex close to Jess but not touching, yet.

It wasn't until Jess thrust at him did anything actually happen.

The surge of need became too much for Jess to bear. Her nerves were on fire, her heart pounding, her body desperate. When she thrust, she felt Johnnie, right there, right between her legs.

"Tell me," Johnnie whispered, finally breaking the hot kiss.

Jess moaned and thrust again.

"No, no. I want you to tell me."

"Johnnie... please..."

Jess slid her hands down his muscular sides, but did not stop until she had handfuls of his backside. She pushed, mentally thinking it would be so easy to get Johnnie to enter her.

It wasn't.

He resisted, and held his stance.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Say what?" Jess asked.

"What you want."

"I want you, I told you that. I want you..."

"More," Johnnie growled.

He kissed her neck, then allowed his teeth to run along her skin to her ear.

Jess let out a long breath and an Oohhh before trying to lift her body at him again. When it failed, she groaned in frustration.

"I want you in me!" she cried out. "Please, Johnnie..."

Johnnie looked at Jess and smiled. "That's all I wanted to hear."

Johnnie lowered his body, penetrating Jess with climatic pleasure. This time, unlike in the bedroom, he wasted not a second, bringing the sex to a speed and intensity that forced Jess to bite on her lip in a desperate attempt to keep her mouth shut. She was afraid to let out a satisfying moan or sound too late, still thinking someone would hear it.

"Oh, Jess. Your body..."

Jess whimpered. She closed her eyes, trying to fight it off. But Johnnie was too intense. He moved perfectly, fast enough for please and fast enough that her body wanted more.

Johnnie's song still played in the background, the song on an obvious repeat cycle.

As he made love to Jess, she tried to focus on it all. Johnnie's body. Johnnie's movements. The way it felt. The way her entire body came together in a way she never thought possible in her entire life. The song playing. The words. The music. The millions of stars overhead.

The pleasure.

Oh, the pleasure.

The sex continued and as Jess sweat, her body began to shiver. The cool air mixed with the moisture on her skin. Her teeth chattered and Johnnie took notice.

He didn't speak a word, he just knew what to do and how to do it.

Johnnie put one hand to the back of Jess's neck. The other wiggled its way to her back. Slowly, he lifted Jess, standing himself. He held her tight to his body. Jess's hair bounced around and gently, Johnnie carried her into the house.

As Johnnie walked, Jess felt him touching her. The constant movement and subtle touch brought Jess to an explosive climax. She held onto Johnnie's shoulders and stared down at him, knowing it would be the only way she'd ever look down at him.

She shuddered as she came, moaning, blinking, but never leaving sight of Johnnie's eyes.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"Never," Johnnie said. He kicked the bedroom door open and carried Jess to the bed. "It's better in here. That way we don't have to move after we're done."

"Is that song going to play all night?" Jess asked.

"Yes."

"Good. Now, Johnnie, finish making love to me."
(19)

When morning came, Johnnie opened his eyes and gazed to the empty leather couch at the end of the room. The missing blanket made him smile, knowing the blanket was out on the deck, where he and Jess had started the night before. He took a deep breath and as he started to roll to his back he realized the song wasn't playing anymore. He had set it to repeat which should have allowed it to play all night into the morning until someone turned it off.

Someone...

Johnnie rolled to his right and found the bed empty.

Jess was gone.

Johnnie popped up and the night before and this morning collided at once, right at the center of his head. It felt like the claw of hammer smacked him in the forehead. He closed his eyes and cursed the pain, knowing damn well what wine did to him. When he opened his eyes again, he felt a little better, minus his heart hitting so hard it felt as though it were trying to punch its way out of his chest.

Where was Jess?

Was it all too much?

Did he say something to her?

"Oh no," Johnnie whispered.

He threw the covers off his body, finding himself naked. He didn't care as he moved from the bed. He thought about the night before. Every memory, every detail came back to him without flaw. Even right down to the way Jess looked at him as they came together. His fingertips tingled thinking about the way her hips had the perfect curve to them, meant for touching, holding, loving.

Loving.

Is that what he said?

No, Johnnie didn't believe it. He'd remember telling Jess if he loved her. Simple as that. Something that important... something with so much meaning...

Johnnie then heard the sound of rushing water. His instincts took him to the window even though he knew the sound of rain wouldn't be anything like what he heard. Outside, another day had come. A clear blue sky, the mountains still in place, their silent structures still breathtaking.

If it wasn't rain making the sound...

Just as Johnnie turned and saw the door to his private bathroom slightly cracked, he heard a voice. Not just any voice, but a voice singing. A voice singing his song. In a matter of taking four steps, Johnnie stopped. His heart calmed, knowing Jess was safe and still there in the cabin, but it barely had a second to recover before it started to race again.

Jess was in the shower, singing his song.

She listened to it so much the day before, she had it memorized. Better yet, it sounded beautiful. Johnnie couldn't believe that Jess could sing like that.

He had a hundred thoughts at once, but first, he grabbed a towel off the back of his door and wrapped it around his waist. Then he hurried into the living room and found a small two track pocket recorder. He had about ten recorders sitting around the cabin. They were all needed for when one of those random guitars riffs came to him, or a set of lyrics. He would hurry and record it, then come back to it later.

He pressed the button and the small screen lit up. The batteries still had life.

When he went back into his bedroom, he snuck into the bathroom and stood there, holding the recorder in the doorway, but not so much that Jess would catch him. He hit the red record button and listened.

She was perfect.

That's what the song needed.

The second Johnnie recorded the song by himself and listened to it, he felt good about it, but a little empty. Something had been missing on the track and this was it.

It was Jess.

Her voice.

A woman's voice.

She had a innocent tone to her voice. It had a shy pullback, but the power and command of her ability pushed forward. She hit the notes the same as Johnnie did on the song. During the chorus, she went up a little higher and Johnnie could only imagine how perfect it would sound recorded together. He thought about singing too but held back, wanting to record as much as he could of Jess singing.

When she stopped, Johnnie didn't stop the recording. He just froze in place, imagining what the next verse would sound like. In his mind it sounded great, but he knew, in reality, it would sound beautiful and perfect.

Johnnie crept away from the door and threw the recorder to the bed. He then purposely slammed the bedroom door, making sure it was loud enough that Jess heard it over the water. He walked to the bathroom door and pushed it open, watching as steam rose up and over the glass door. His eyes could give a damn about the steam, all he could focus on was the blurry figure of Jess's body as she showered.

"Hey, Jess?" he called out.

"Thought I heard you," Jess said. She slid the door open enough to look out.

Her hair dripped and the water droplets on her face didn't just make her more beautiful, they made her more enticing. The water teased Johnnie, running everywhere, touching places he wanted to touch.

"You scared me," Johnnie said. "Woke up and the bed was empty."

"Aw, did you miss me?"

Johnnie smiled as his mind screamed YES! "No, just was hoping you didn't skip out on me. Wasn't sure if I said or did something stupid last night."

"Wait, was Mr. Rockstar too drunk to remember last night?"

Johnnie pulled at his towel, dropping it. He walked through the bathroom watching as Jess's eyes picked something to stare at.

"I think I remember all I need to about last night."

Jess looked up into Johnnie's eyes. "You didn't do anything last night I didn't want..."

"I know that," Johnnie said.

He was a few steps from the shower.

"I know that too."

He grabbed the shower door handle and slid the door open. Jess stood with the water hitting her shoulders and down her nude body. Johnnie thought he could be the tough guy and just attack her, but he couldn't. For the first time in his life, he hesitated with a woman. Not out of fear, but out of pure, unfiltered love. With a touch of lust. She stood with a sense of confidence that she didn't have the day before. Her hands were at her hips, calling to Johnnie without saying a word. The water made her skin look extra silky. Her nipples were extra pink, delicate and tender, forcing Johnnie's body to react.

Now he had to step into the shower. He needed Jess.

He came at her and they embraced as the water poured on them.

"Last night was amazing," Jess whispered as Johnnie's nose touched her.

"Yeah? Just wait to see what the rest of our life is like..."
(20)

When Johnnie left the shower, Jess closed the door and fell back against the tile. It was cold to her back, but it didn't matter. Her body never felt so good before. So warm. So satisfied.

Johnnie's touch was everything to her, and not just the ones that went to her most sensitive areas. It was the way his hands traveled along her body, following her gentle curves, wanting to feel everything. He didn't just go for her chest or between her legs... he wanted all of her.

As she took heavy breaths and convinced herself it was okay to mentally freak out, she came to terms that with Johnnie, she felt safe, she felt alive, and she felt in love. Thinking about love and a rockstar felt so foreign, like something she should have been writing about, but she couldn't argue with her heart. Or her body.

After rinsing, Jess left the shower to find the bedroom empty. Part of her hoped that Johnnie would have been in bed, naked, waiting for her. Her appetite for lust had never been this great. Maybe that's because she never had a man like Johnnie - the right man.

She dressed and went to find Johnnie. A second spent away from him right now felt like a second wasted and a second too long.

He was in the living room, standing at the fireplace. He had one hand gripping the mantle as he stared down at nothing. It was too warm for a fire.

"Johnnie?"

Johnnie looked over his shoulder, half smiling. "There she is. How was your shower?"

"The best I've ever had."

"The water pressure in this cabin is wonderful, isn't it?" Johnnie winked.

"What are we doing today?"

"You're not going to like my answer to that," Johnnie said. He turned and Jess saw papers in his left hand. "I had to call for a ride out of here. We have to go back to the city."

"Why?"

"Business matters," Johnnie said. "I've been toying with a decision for a little while now and Peter called me about the charity show. They want to do a photo shoot and he scheduled it for today thinking I would want to get all of this out of the way quickly so I could enjoy my time off before the tour kicks back into gear."

"I hate managers," Jess said. She thought about her agent, who still hadn't called her with some kind of news. "Add agents to that too."

"No, it's fine. I can't get cooped up here too long," Johnnie said. "I'll want to stay. I'll demand to stay. And with you... Jess... I would live here and die."

Jess smiled. She opened her mouth to speak but Johnnie threw the papers down at the table.

"What's that?"

"Contract," Johnnie said. "The contract Peter wants me to sign. To launch myself as a solo artist."

"So you've decided?" Jess asked.

"I think so."

"I support you," Jess said. "Whether it matters or not. Just know I support you. And the rest of the band will too. It's not like you're leaving.... or stealing music... or..."

"I go if you go," Johnnie said.

Jess froze. She looked into Johnnie's eyes. They were like staring at two glass marbles. He was serious, but Jess didn't understand what he meant.

"Go where?" Jess asked.

"The contract," Johnnie said and pointed. "I'm adding you to it."

"To the contract? For what?"

Johnnie moved from the table and went to his recording area. Jess watched as he picked up a small device and brought it back to her. He handed it to her and told her to hit the play button.

The second she heard her own voice, singing.

"What the... what did you do?"

"Jess, your voice is beautiful."

"You recorded me singing? In the shower?"

"I woke to it," Johnnie said. He touched the play button and stared at Jess. "This is what the song needs."

"A female voice..."

"Your voice," Johnnie insisted.

"I'm an author, not a singer."

"And I wanted to be a poet until I found music and realized I could do both in my own way."

"I can't," Jess said. "I was... just messing around."

"You can do anything you want," Johnnie said.

"Like say no to this," Jess replied.

"You go I go. That's my offer."

"Offer? For what?"

"Jess, we can do this together. Split everything. The name alone is worth..."

"Are you bribing me?"

"No. No. Not at all. I'm just offering something. Something new. Different. Wild..."

"Wild is what we did outside. Wild is what we did in the shower. This... this is you unable to make a decision on your own. So you're dragging me into it."

The recording ended and so did the conversation.

Jess took a step back and handed the recorder back to Johnnie. His face hadn't changed a bit. He simply pressed a couple buttons on the recorder and played it again. Jess listened to her voice and shook her head.

She refused to believe it was good.

She refused to believe it was right.

"I won't give up," Johnnie said. "That's not what I do."

"Then take the song to your band," Jess said.

"It's not my band. I've told you that."

"Just take the song to them. Or find another woman to sing. I'm not a singer. I'm a writ..."

Jess's cell phone started to ring. She heard it in the bedroom and turned, literally running to take the phone call.

It was the call she'd been waiting for. Her agent spoke fast and with a sense of ease in her voice. The publisher had come through, wanting more of Jess. Because the sales of her first book were solid enough, there was now going to be a push for the second book. Starting with a signing in New York City in a week. Not just one signing but an entire weekend of signings. The publisher already had a book trailer, promotional efforts ready to be launched that very Monday. Everything was going to happen fast. Not to mention her debut novel would be sent into another round of printing.

A dream come true.

The dream come true.

Jess barely managed to get a word in other than a few sounds and a few thanks. Her agent ended the call telling Jess to check her email for her plane ticket. It would be there in the next couple days and then she needed to get ready. Her agent also made the subtle hint that if the publisher could see a good chunk of another manuscript, that would be amazing.

The call ended and Jess stood with the cell phone to her ear. Things always seemed to happen like this for her. Fifteen things happen at once. And now this time she had to balance her feelings for Johnnie.

She turned to face Johnnie and found herself literally facing Johnnie. He stood in the doorframe to the bedroom, hands in his pockets.

"That was my call," Jess said.

"From your agent?"

Jess nodded.

"And...?"

"It's everything I could hope for. Publisher wants more from me. They're promoting my next book. I have to go to New York for book signings..."

"That's amazing," Johnnie said. "You deserve it all."

"Look... about your song..."

"Leave it be," Johnnie said. "Just leave it be."

Jess now saw the real Johnnie showing through his eyes. The stone wall had been taken down. Her heart ached for him, knowing it pained him to back down.

But what could Jess do?

She wasn't a singer, she was an author. And a busy author at that.

"Just do me a favor," Johnnie said. "I want you to take this..." Johnnie pulled the folded contract from his pocket. "I want you to just read it. Think about it. Keep it the hell away from me, okay?"

"Why?"

"It's like poison right now. My band is... everything. They're my brothers. Each and every one of them. But my writing, my music..."

"It's another love," Jess said.

Johnnie nodded. He swallowed and blinked. Jess never saw such a set of honest eyes in her life. She never saw a man go through emotions so fast either. Reluctantly, she took the contract from Johnnie's hand and squeezed it in hers.

"Thank you," Johnnie whispered. "And congrats."

Jess nodded, feeling her eyes starting to glaze over. She looked down and walked out of the bedroom, seeking the deck and some fresh air.

Her heart admitted what she already knew.

She was in love with Johnnie.

Johnnie from Chasing Cross.

The band that would go back on tour in a month. The band that would travel and play shows.

And Jess had to be in New York. And Jess had to prepare another manuscript.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked out at the mountains.

Being with Johnnie was a dream, but the thing about dreams was that they end. One way or another, they always come to an end.

**

The car stopped in front of Jess's apartment building. Jess looked at Johnnie and he kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, laced with enough romance that Jess opened her mouth to exhale and felt the urge to cry. It was as if Johnnie knew the waiting truths between them but wanted to ignore them.

Jess wanted to ignore them too, but she couldn't. She couldn't stand the idea of delaying her feelings and the potential pain that would come from watching Johnnie leave.

"I'll get your bag," Johnnie whispered and exited the car.

Before sliding out of the car, Jess took the contract from her pocket. She told Johnnie she would keep it, but it felt wrong. She felt like she was leading him on.

She saw Johnnie's leather jacket sitting next to where he sat in the car. It felt terrible to do, but it would be a sense of honesty, a sense of reality that needed to happen. Jess slipped the contract into the inside pocket of the leather jacket. She patted it and took a deep breath, fighting so hard not to cry.

She climbed from the car and hugged Johnnie. His grip was strong and she thought about the cabin.

They should have just stayed there.

She should have told Johnnie to make Peter reschedule the photo shoot.

"I'll call you when I'm done," Johnnie said.

"How long?" Jess asked, her heart already feeling the loneliness creeping in.

"It'll be the rest of the afternoon," Johnnie said. "But we can get together tonight. You can come to my hotel. We'll order expensive food. Some wine..."

Johnnie smiled and Jess couldn't help but smile back at him.

She nodded and moved to her toes to kiss him.

When the kiss ended, Jess licked her lips.

She hoped it wouldn't be the last time she'd ever taste him.
(21)

Johnnie grabbed his leather jacket and left the car. He took big steps and ducked down when someone yelled his name as he slipped into the back of the hotel. It was no surprise by now that Chasing Cross ousted themselves as still being in town. That was okay, it would only help the charity show they were working on. All the proceeds - tickets, autographs, food, drink, even the merchandise - would go to the cancer hospital in the city. It was the least the band could do since every one of them had someone close to them pass away from cancer.

A security guard led the way upstairs, talking into a radio, coordinating Johnnie's return to his hotel room. At the landing of the second floor, Johnnie stopped and watched the operation.

The security guard looked out the window of the door. He opened the door, scanned the hall, and quietly talked to the other guards, to make sure the floor was clear.

Johnnie felt disgusted.

Is this what he had become?

He'd grown into this kind of figure, this kind of person. He couldn't even walk into a building without security detail. He couldn't take the elevator like a normal human.

Annoyed, Johnnie walked to the top of the landing and opened the door. The security guard hurried behind him as he walked to the elevator and pressed the up button.

"Uh, Johnnie..."

"Leave it," he barked at the security guard.

The guard stiffened and kept his eyes moving.

When the elevator opened, two women stood and within a second their faces turned to shock. Johnnie stepped in and pressed the button for his floor. He knew the women would look and he didn't care.

It took a few seconds but one of them finally spoke up.

"Are you..."

"Johnnie from Chasing Cross," the other said.

"The one and only," Johnnie said with a smile.

"You're amazing," the first woman said. "Your band... your music..."

"Not my band," Johnnie said. "We're a band. All of us."

"Can you sign something?" the second woman asked.

"Sure. What do you have?"

Johnnie saw the gleam in her eyes and half expected her to pull her top down. The days of signing women's bare breasts felt far behind him, not to mention the thought of looking or touching another woman instantly made him think of Jess.

Luckily, the women each had a ticket stub from the show the other night. Johnnie signed the tickets and took a picture, which he knew would be plastered on all the social networks before he could step into his room.

The elevator stopped and the women got off, not before the feistier one turned and whispered their room number to Johnnie. Johnnie thanked them, winked, and watched them rush off in a rock n' roll fantasy. Maybe ten years ago it would have meant something, but not now. All Johnnie could think about was getting this photo shoot over with and going back to Jess.

Once in his room, he called for Peter who said he was on the elevator right then.

Peter came into the room with his hands in his pockets, eyeing Johnnie.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Peter asked.

"Is something wrong with it?" Johnnie asked.

"The charity is formal..."

"You want me to wear a suit?"

"Wouldn't hurt the image."

"The image? I'm tired of hearing about the image."

"Just offering advice," Peter said.

Johnnie sighed. "What are the rest of the guys wearing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are they wearing suits or their normal clothes?"

"Oh, Johnnie, sorry. This is a photo shoot for you."

"Me?"

"Just you," Peter said. "You're going to meet the executives of the hospital, take some pictures, maybe stop in and say hello to a few of the patients..."

"But Chasing Cross is playing the show."

"Exactly! We can't have an army parading through a hospital."

"It's not an army. It's a band."

Peter moved to Johnnie and put a hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me, Johnnie. I understand this solo idea and song has you nervous, okay? But we've done this before. You're the front man, there's certain things you do on your own. You represent the band."

"I don't like that anymore," Johnnie said. "We're a band. We should do this together."

"And you are. On stage. Playing the charity show."

Johnnie shook his head. "I just..."

"Just what?"

Johnnie heard Jess's voice in his mind. "Just nothing. Let's get moving then."

"Good man," Peter said. "Let me make the call so cameras will be waiting at the hospital."

When Johnnie returned to his room a few hours later, the only good he felt came from meeting the patients. For some reason he though he'd be meeting elderly folks, those who were on their way out of life. Instead, he met all ages, something that really touched his heart. Men and women, fans of the band, those wearing Chasing Cross t-shirts, those with the biggest smiles and hope in their eyes when he met them. It brought a sense of reality to him, and he saw himself wanting to do more to help those in need, those sick, those who couldn't make it to a Chasing Cross show.

Rick and Danny were in Johnnie's room, Danny standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water and Rick on the couch fumbling with a guitar. Johnnie heard the sour note as Rick tried to strum a chord.

"Lift your pointer finger," Johnnie said.

"What?" Rick asked.

"Look... your pointer finger. Pick it up. Why even use it? You're laying it flat and it's hitting the D string, buzzing. Just pick it up."

Rick listened and strummed the chord again. It came across clear.

"Nice," Rick whispered.

"Not a proper G chord," Danny yelled.

"Coming from the kid who refused guitar lessons," Johnnie said.

"No comment," Danny said. He finished his water and walked through the living room.

"What are you doing?" Johnnie asked.

"I came here looking for you," Danny said. "Wasn't sure if you disappeared forever with your girlfriend or not..."

"Yeah. I had to get out of here for a day," Johnnie said. "This woman..."

"She's everything," Rick teased as he strummed the only chord he could clearly play on the guitar.

"Johnnie falls hard," Danny said. "I bet he has cuts on his hands and knees from it."

"It's not like that," Johnnie said.

"So, hey," Rick said, "how was your photo shoot?"

Johnnie looked at both Rick and Danny. Danny didn't seem to care but Rick had a little resentment in his eyes.

"Not really a photo shoot," Johnnie said. "Just went to the hospital. Took a few pictures, met some fans. We need to go to the hospital as a band and play or do something."

"Could have went today," Rick said.

"Peter set it up..."

"He always does."

"What's your plan?" Danny asked.

The question caught Johnnie guard. He looked at his younger brother and knew he couldn't lie or hide anything from him. His eyes were Johnnie's eyes, the same bloodline flowing between them. "What do you mean?"

"For today? For the show? Are you staying in the city or going back to your secret hide away?"

Johnnie exhaled. "I'm here. I'm staying. Playing the show and then we should all do something together before splitting up."

"Splitting up?" Rick asked.

"We have a month off," Johnnie said. "What do you plan on doing?"

"Should we write some new music? I actually have an idea for a song... I'm still getting the chords down pat here..."

"You can't write a song," Danny said. "You can't even write a check."

"No," Johnnie said. "That's really cool, Rick. If you have an idea..."

Johnnie almost slipped, to tell Rick to bring the idea to him. But Johnnie held back. No. That's not how it was. Johnnie wasn't the one who approved songs. No. It was just that nobody else ever came to the band with a song.

"We can do whatever anyone wants," Johnnie said. "I plan on going to my cabin again, longer than a day."

"With your woman?" Rick asked.

"She's not my woman. She's a woman... that I care about. Yes. She'll come. You guys can too. Hell, maybe we should write our next album up there."

Johnnie felt wrong saying it, knowing that's where he wrote the song that could take him away from the band. The song that Jess made perfect. And the song that wouldn't stop playing in his mind.

"Doubt that," Rick said. "I don't want to get involved in your relationship."

"No women," Danny said. "We can't write like that."

"It doesn't matter right now. We just have to get ready for the charity show."

"We?" Rick asked. "Aren't you going to make the set list?"

"Why don't we wing it?" Johnnie asked. "We all pick a couple songs, let the people pick some songs."

"Hey, taking requests that's a good idea," Danny said.

"Could work," Rick said.

"Okay, I'm out," Danny said. "I'm going to find food."

Danny started to walk away and Johnnie grabbed him. He touched his brother's face and smiled, remembering the first time Danny sat on the floor and watched Johnnie play guitar. It was not very good but it was Johnnie's first audience... and the first time he wowed someone.

"Take it easy tonight," Johnnie said.

"I plan on it," Danny said. "I don't think there's any booze left in our rooms."

Johnnie let his little brother go and when he looked at Rick, changing to a different chord on the guitar, he seemed a little drunk still.

"Are you okay?" Johnnie asked.

Rick didn't look at Johnnie. "I guess I could ask you that."

Johnnie took of his jacket and threw it to the couch. "I don't know what I am right now. This woman... I've never had something like this happen to me."

"Only a matter of time, right?"

"A matter of time for what?"

"Before one of the groupies sticks. You get enough of them."

"She's not a groupie," Johnnie said. "I met her at a café."

"Maybe that's where I should start hanging out."

Johnnie watched Rick's fingers shaking as he couldn't figure out the fingering for what looked like a D chord. Johnnie sensed tension within Rick so he didn't try to correct him.

"Fuck it," Rick said and tossed the guitar to the floor.

Johnnie winced but still kept his mouth shut.

Rick looked at Johnnie. "I wanted to go today."

"I'm sorry, man, okay? I'll talk to Peter. I swear I thought we were all going. If I knew beforehand..."

"What? You'd demand your way? Because you can do that. You're the lead singer. You can do whatever you want."

"No, I can't. Rick, what's going on with you?"

Rick shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm just... tired."

"Quit partying then." Johnnie reached for Rick's knee and lightly punched it. "We're not twenty anymore. Nobody expects us to get in trouble or get kicked out of the hotel."

Rick smiled. "But those were the best nights."

"Yeah. Calling Peter at three in the morning to pick us up and find a place to stay."

"He'd fend off hotel managers and cops..."

"Remember when the label threatened us?"

"They wouldn't have dropped us," Rick said. "No matter what. We made too much for them."

"We still do," Johnnie said. His heart hurt a little as he said it. "And we will for a long time. That's why I need everyone to be healthy and happy. That's why we get to take these breaks. Not to sit around and ponder life, but to get out and live it."

"I only feel good when I'm on stage," Rick said.

"So get on stage," Johnnie said. "Learn that damn guitar and we can get on stage."

"You and me? And, what, play a bar?"

"Who cares? We're fucking Chasing Cross... we can do whatever we want."

Rick laughed and Johnnie felt the tension float from the room. He stood up and retreated to the kitchen to sigh. Everything just felt so mixed up and wrong. He almost wished they didn't have the charity show. He could still be in the cabin with Jess. Things made sense there. Things felt good there.

"So, you really like this woman?" Rick asked.

"Yes," Johnnie said. "In fact... there's something in my jacket I wanted to show you guys. You can look if you want, just promise you won't brag I showed you before anyone. Especially Danny. He gets jealous."

Rick leaned from the couch and reached for Johnnie's jacket. Johnnie smiled, wondering what Rick's reaction would be like. It was something he picked up a long time ago, on the road. Something that came with a great story and something he had hidden for years. Johnnie may have been the front man of a band, a group of guys he thought of as brothers, but he had his own dreams and desires.

When Rick pulled out folded up papers and held them up, Johnnie saw three different versions of his hotel room. He tried to move but bumped into the counter, sending a surge of pain through his body.

"Shit," he said. "Rick, wait a second on that... that's not..."

Rick opened the papers, read them for a couple seconds, then threw them to the table.

"Is this a joke?"

"No, that's not what..."

"A contract for yourself?" Rick asked. "You wanted to show me? But nobody else?"

"No, that's not what you think."

"Looks like a contract for you to go solo. No, excuse me, there's a note from you... demanding Jess be added to the contract." Rick looked back at Johnnie. "You and your new girlfriend, huh?"

Johnnie didn't understand how the hell the contract got into the pocket of his jacket. He gave it to Jess to hold. He wanted her to think about it. To really think about it. To understand what it could mean for herself... and Johnnie...

Johnnie froze, realizing what it meant.

Jess must have snuck the contract into his pocket. Her way of giving him the final answer.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Rick said. "Or is this it? Play the charity show and then break up the band?"

"The band isn't going anywhere!" Johnnie boomed. "We're in this together."

"That's why your name is on that contract, right? That's why you went to the photo shoot today, right? That's why you did the fucking phone interview, right?"

Johnnie clenched his jaw. He felt angry, sad, and annoyed. "You don't understand... Rick..."

"I don't understand? Make me understand. Looks like you're cutting on the band."

"I would never do that. Okay? I wrote a new song... and Peter heard it and suggested I release it on my own. I told him from day one it was missing something."

"That's where your girlfriend fits in?"

"She has an amazing voice," Johnnie said. "I tried to tell her to record it with me. But not release it..."

"Don't bullshit me, Johnnie," Rick said. "You're all grown up, aren't you? Too big for the band now. Don't like to party anymore. Everything is business and money. The same shit you didn't care about ten years ago. All we wanted to do was play music."

"And I still do," Johnnie said. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm in that damn cabin, writing music. The rest of you..."

"What? Because we have a few good nights?"

"How many good nights in a row have you had, Rick?"

Rick laughed.

"Are you still having a good night right now?" Johnnie asked. "Your eyes are a little..."

"Don't worry about me," Rick said. "Okay? Just don't. You want to sing on your own? You want to be some coffee shop guy, with your guitar and your girl, go for it. Doing it this way..." Rick pointed to the contract. "This is shit. And you know it."

Johnnie had no response. It was shit. He should have never taken the contract from Peter. He should have never forced the contract onto Jess. He should have talked to the band... but he didn't want anyone to worry. He didn't want to put a wedge in the group. Not with Danny being his actual brother.

"And you know what?" Rick asked. "Peter... is an ass."

"He's the best manager out there."

"Why? Because he waves money in front of your face?"

"No..."

Rick shook his head. "I gotta go, okay? I just gotta get out of here."

"Rick, I'm not signing a damn thing."

"Why? Because your girlfriend wouldn't?"

Johnnie tensed and curled his lip.

"That's what I thought," Rick said. "I bet if she agreed to it, you wouldn't have come back today. You would have faded away from us."

"You don't know a damn thing about me then," Johnnie said.

"Maybe I don't. But what does it matter? I'm just the drummer, right?"

Rick walked to the door and Johnnie wanted to just let him go. However, he fought his own ego and called for Rick.

"Don't do this," Johnnie said. "Let me explain..."

Rick didn't look back. "You can explain it to the entire band. I'm not playing this game."

"Where are you going, Rick?"

"To have a fucking drink, is that okay?"

Rick left the room and Johnnie's heart sank. He stumbled his way to the couch and sat down. He never felt so alone and empty in his life. For ten years he had his band, his brothers, his music, his life. And now this. Because of a mistake...

Johnnie wanted to be mad at Jess but it wasn't her fault.

He reached for the contract and the papers shook in his hand.

What the hell had he been thinking?

Johnnie tore the contract. It didn't make him feel better, but he ripped it some more, turning the shreds into smaller pieces. Over the course of the next minute, Johnnie turned the contracts into nothing, throwing the pieces to the floor, to the table and anywhere else they could land. He grabbed his jacket and shoved his hand into the inside pocket and found what he was looking for.

He took it out and held the small diamond ring in the center of his hand. He stared at it and felt his emotions attack him.

A day ago he had it all.

And now Johnnie felt like hell.

Was it possible to have his band and his love for Jess?
(22)

Jess called Marie to let her know she was safe, sound, and back home. Marie wanted the dirty details and Jess wouldn't give them. She let Marie ask and answer her own questions, basically coming up with the general idea of what happened in the cabin.

After hanging up with Marie, the first thing Jess did was hum Johnnie's song. She refused to think of it as their song though. Recording a song with Johnnie? That was wrong. He had a band for that. The band should be involved.

Jess wasn't a part of Chasing Cross. She was a fan, nothing more. She wanted to be a part of Johnnie, his heart and his life, but that didn't meant stepping into the middle of a band. If there were problems there, it wasn't her job to fix them or even see them.

The day moved on slowly, which usually would be appreciated by Jess. She had a lot of work to do on her next book. She wanted to get at least a quarter through a first draft plus have a full outline for the rest of the book. Her agent emailed her the plane ticket to New York and after printing it, Jess held it in her hands. It should have made her smile ear to ear. But it didn't. All she could think about was the miles it would be... the miles upon miles that would take her away from Johnnie.

How long could it last?

It was an honest question that Jess had to ask herself. If Jess was in New York and Johnnie was on tour, it would become too much. Johnnie would be on stage, every night. Singing. Playing. Connecting with thousands of people. And then what? What if another woman just so happened to be in a café at the right time? What happened if he saw someone in the crowd that caught his eye? He was a rockstar. Jess knew that women would do anything to get close to him. To talk to him. To touch him. To have him.

She began to picture scenarios she wished she could chase away. She saw women in the backstage dressing room. But they weren't like Jess. They weren't shy or confused. They were confident, aggressive, putting Johnnie in a position where he couldn't resist them... or himself.

By the time Jess put the plane ticket down, she had tears in her eyes again. Staring at the blurry laptop screen, she wouldn't be able to write. She considered skipping to an emotional part of the book, maybe to capture the pureness of it, but face it, she really had nothing to run with. The book was more of an idea than something to actually work on.

It seemed like a couple days ago, life was simple and easy. Jess needed to write. Her agent needed to sell. And readers needed to read. A small cycle, one that was mostly satisfying, but something Jess could handle.

Now... it was a mess.

Everything was a giant mess.

All because of a cup of coffee.

No.

Because of Johnnie.

The song continued to plague Jess's mind and she fought the urge to sing. That would just be something else Johnnie had taken from her then. She never thought of herself as a good singer. She never sang around anyone, so she had no other opinions. And she didn't even mean to sing in front of Johnnie... he cheated her for that. He recorded her without her knowing...

The anger started to build and Jess found some small inspiration. Maybe she'd start her next book with a good murder. That's a hell of a way to release some fury.

Her fingers touched the keys just as her cell phone rang.

Johnnie.

Jess closed her eyes. She could do this. She could ignore it.

When her hand reached for the phone, she shook her head. When her finger touched the screen, she bit her lip.

And when she put the phone to her ear, she said, "Hello?"

And just like that, Jess was sucked back in.

"Jess?" Johnnie sounded upset. "Jess... I need to see you..."

"Johnnie, I'm working right now."

"You put the contract in my pocket."

"Yeah. I did. I'm sorry. I should have talked to you..."

"Rick found it. Our drummer. Rick. He found it, Jess."

The color left Jess's face. Her mouth opened but she couldn't find words or air.

"It's not your fault," Johnnie said. "Don't even think it. But I need to see you."

"Johnnie... I'm so sorry."

"No. Don't do that."

"I didn't know how to say anything," Jess said. "I tried in the cabin, but you were so sure. I wanted to talk to you later. Or have you find it. I messed up."

"No, Jess, I messed up. I shouldn't have taken the contract. I shouldn't have put it on your shoulders either. I shouldn't have said a word about you singing... please, I need to see you."

"I can't come to the hotel," Jess said. "Not with the band. Are they mad at me?"

"Only Rick saw it. I have to talk to everyone, but I need to talk to you first."

"We are talking."

"I'm coming to your place then," Johnnie insisted.

"Please..."

"Jess. I love you. Okay? I love you. I'm not going to give up right now. On anything."

I love you.

Jess closed her eyes. Her heart squeezed and felt satisfied. Finally. That's what she had been waiting to hear. With love, anything could happen. The world could be a mess. It could crumble, fall apart, it could even end... but with love, it didn't seem so bad.

"Johnnie, I can't do this over the phone."

"That's why I'm coming over. So we can do it then. I need you right now."

Guilt stung Jess's heart. She couldn't help but blame herself for whatever was happening with Chasing Cross. She didn't need to put the contract in Johnnie's jacket. That was done out of anger and spite. She hoped he would have found it and taken the hint.

"Did I break up your band?" she asked. She knew how childish it sounded but didn't care.

"Like I told you before, it's not my band," Johnnie said. "And no, the band is not broken up. Rick is pissed, but he always gets pissed. I'll talk to the rest of the guys later. But I need to talk to you first."

"You shouldn't have recorded me," Jess said.

"That's something I plan on apologizing for when I come over."

Jess fought the urge to smile, loving the way Johnnie never gave up.

"Come over," Jess whispered. "Just swear to me you won't bring a tape recorder."

"I swear on it."

Jess promised herself that she could write while she waited for Johnnie.

Not a chance.

She managed half a sentence before standing up. After a trip to the kitchen for a drink she didn't really want, she walked back into her bedroom, minus the drink. She touched the top of the chair and looked at the laptop screen.

Nothing came to her, so she retreated back into the kitchen.

The cabinets full of food weren't going to solve the problem in her stomach right then. It wasn't a hunger problem, it was a romance problem. Johnnie confessed his love and Jess needed to tell him she felt the same.

That was the easy part of it all.

The hard parts...

Jess blocked the hard parts, until she heard Johnnie knocking at her door.

She opened it and moved towards him, needing him. Her hands barely made it around his body before he started talking.

"I'm sorry I recorded you singing," he said. "I violated your privacy. I just promise you that your voice is beautiful and it's the exact thing that song needs to make it final. When I heard you, my mind didn't think about your feelings. It thought of my own. What I wanted. What I needed. And I'm sorry about that."

"Johnnie..."

"I'm not finished." Johnnie walked with Jess attached to him. He closed the apartment door and stood wrapping his arms around her. "I wanted you to hear it and understand just how talented you are. You've yet to sound excited and confident about your writing. Maybe because when you read what you've written, you just don't get it. So I thought if I could catch you off guard with a hidden talent, you'd see."

Jess closed her eyes and squeezed Johnnie. She smelled him. She picked up hints of the cabin, if it were possible, and it took her back there. Drinking wine. Counting stars. Making love.

"And I messed everything up," he continued. "Not you. I told Rick to check my jacket and he found the contract. I tried to explain but he was too mad. Rightfully so. And I think he was drunk."

"Does he do that a lot?" Jess asked.

"Drink? Yeah. More than the rest of the guys. I'll be honest... it's worrying me. And I don't know what to do."

"Talk to him."

"It comes with the territory," Johnnie said. "And he has yet to mess up or miss a show. What can I do?"

Jess looked up at Johnnie. "You know, you refuse to call it your band, right?"

"It's not my band."

"What are they then?"

"The guys?"

Jess nodded.

"They're... my brothers."

"You're brothers of rock then. If your little brother was in trouble, would you help him?"

"Of course."

"If one of the guys were in trouble...?"

"I'd give my life for any one of them."

"Well, you don't have to give your life to help Rick," Jess said. "You might actually be saving one if you did."

"Right now, I'm more worried about us."

Jess knew it was her chance. Her moment. She looked up into Johnnie's eyes; the eyes of a man, a lover, a rockstar. Of all people to fall in love with...

"I love you," she said. "I... love you."

"Oh, Jess."

They kissed at the same time, meeting halfway between a dream and reality. Jess led the way this time, flicking the tip of her tongue along Johnnie's lips, savoring them. He smiled and pulled away from the kiss with intention burning in his eyes.

"What are you thinking?" Jess asked.

"I want to play guitar for you," Johnnie said. "Right now."

"I don't have a guitar."

"I do."

Johnnie backed away and opened the apartment door. A second later a guitar appeared, one that he had leaned against the wall.

Jess started walking towards her bedroom and felt her face turning eight shades of red. Considering the circumstances, this was the hottest moment of her life. She had a gorgeous rockstar carrying a guitar, following her to her bedroom, to play. When she looked over her shoulder, she missed a step and stumbled, almost falling into a wall.

Once in her bedroom, she sat on her bed. She felt like she was in high school, sneaking the star quarterback into her bedroom for a make out session. Only now had much worse intentions that just a little harmless making out. She wanted to fu...

"Don't get mad at me," Johnnie said as he sat on the computer chair.

He positioned the guitar on his lap and the second he strummed the first chord, Jess knew what he was doing.

She wanted to be mad but couldn't.

Johnnie was playing the new song. To her. Live. One on one.

As he made it through the first verse, Jess couldn't stop her body as she started to tap her fingers and move her head. It was just too good. The perfect song. At the chorus she licked her lips, wanting to sing.

When the chorus ended, Johnnie went back to intro progression and played it longer than it had been recorded.

"Come on, Jess," he said. "It's just you and me. Alone in your room."

Jess stared at Johnnie.

"There's no tape recorder," he said with a smile. "It's just music. It's passion through sound. The ability to speak in a different language."

Jess closed her eyes and nodded.

Johnnie played the progression again and started singing the second verse.

When Jess opened her mouth, nothing came out but she moved her lips as though she were singing. After a few seconds, her voice came to. It was low at first, very low. Johnnie continued, not saying a word. Jess wasn't sure if it was confidence, love, or a combination of both, but her voice started to pick up steam and it didn't stop.

She opened her eyes and realized that Johnnie had stopped singing. He just sat, his eyes wide in amazement, his fingers moving to the different chords as his other hand strummed.

Jess couldn't stop. The chorus came again and Johnnie joined her. Together, their voices created something that made Jess's skin shiver. She knew how good it sounded and in a sense of irony, she wished the song had been recorded.

Once the second chorus finished, Jess waved at Johnnie and the song came to a sudden stop.

"Jess..."

"I'd do it," she said. "For you."

"Do what?"

"Record the song. If that's what you wanted. I'd do it."

Johnnie smiled. "I'll have to get approval from four other guys though."

"No solo Johnnie?"

"Never," Johnnie said. "We're brothers. And we're in Chasing Cross. That's all that matters..."

"That what I was hoping you'd say," Jess said. "I won't come between you and your..."

"Don't say my band," Johnnie said.

"Your brothers," Jess said. "I'll be there with you."

"Good."

Silence reared its ugly head and Jess swallowed hard, knowing it was time to bring up the uncomfortable part of things.

"I have my plane ticket, for New York," she said.

"I'm so happy for you. So proud. You're going to be a huge rockstar author."

"No, I don't want that. I just want people to enjoy what they read. And keep coming back."

"They will."

That wasn't the point Jess was trying to make. She had to be more firm, more to the point.

"I'll be in New York," she said. "And you'll be... with Chasing Cross..."

Johnnie's cell phone vibrated and rang. "Hold a second, I'm sorry." He looked at the screen and frowned. "It's Peter. I guess I have to talk to him about my decision too."

"No time like the present," Jess said.

Johnnie took the call...

"Peter... wait a second, what? What happened? He... No. I don't believe it. Peter..."

When Johnnie ended the call a few seconds later, his face was pale white. He was visibly shaking, so much that Jess put her hands to his forearms and tried to pull him towards the bed.

He wouldn't even look at her.

"Johnnie, what's wrong?"

He blinked, staring at her wall. "Rick..."

"What happened? Did he quit the band?"

Johnnie shook his head. "He... he's in the hospital. Jess, we have to go to the hospital."

"Why?"

"He crashed his car. Into a pole. He was... drinking..."
(23)

Johnnie never really enjoyed being driven around. He wasn't a child and could handle any vehicle he wanted. The years with Chasing Cross showed Johnnie that either he would be too under the influence to drive or that wild - yet loyal - fans would do anything to stop his vehicle for a picture or an autograph. Granted, most of that had subsided since then but Peter and the rest of the Chasing Cross Team wanted the band to be driven around when out on tour.

As he sat in the backseat of the car with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, Johnnie appreciated having someone to drive him. More so because it didn't have to be Jess. She sat next to him, her hand gently touching and sometimes rubbing his back.

The guilt came in waves and Johnnie wasn't sure how he'd handle it. In fact, if he felt this way any other time, he'd drink. Nothing like a couple shots of whiskey or scotch to take that edge off and make the guilt and pain go away. But it was just that activity that caused this mess.

Rick.

Johnnie knew he looked half drunk in his room. And then he left, to do what? Drink more? Get a car? Drive... crash...

"I hope nobody else was hurt," Johnnie whispered.

"Don't think like that," Jess offered. "Let's just get there first."

Johnnie nodded.

He tried to remember when he first thought Rick had a drinking problem. Years, yes, and yet nothing was said or done. As much as Johnnie had wanted to assume it was the sting of the road, it had to go beyond that. Sometimes on the road, the loneliness between shows would get to you. Or at night, when everyone was asleep but you and the tour bus driver. Look out to the road and watch it fly by. House after house. Town after town. City after city. A new city in the morning, a new show at night, and then back to the tour bus. Once in a while it felt like a prison. Like a tunneled hell. And that's when the bottle tasted best.

But what would happen if your entire life felt like a hell?

Johnnie clenched his eyes shut and cursed himself. He should have stopped Rick today or even a long time ago.

At the hospital, things became another fiasco. The driver stopped at the emergency entrance and the second Johnnie stepped out of the car, people started to recognize him. Jess thankfully stepped in, huddling against him with her head down acting as though she were in pain. Johnnie rushed into the hospital and met Peter who had a security guard there to escort them, privately.

Everything moved fast. The walk. The elevator ride. People calling his name. The security guard telling him how great Chasing Cross is. All Johnnie could do was stare and nod.

When he rounded the end of a hall, he saw the rest of the band standing in the hallway, their backs against the wall. They looked upset but not grieving.

"Danny!" Johnnie cried out.

He started to run and slipped away from Jess. He reached back and when he didn't find her, he kept going.

Danny met Johnnie and hugged him. Chris and Davey joined next and they shared a moment of silence together.

"Is he..."

"Johnnie," Danny said, "he's fine."

"He's alive?"

"He's alive," Chris said. "He's an asshole, but alive."

Johnnie backed up. "What happened?"

Chris said, "He took one of the cars. Claims he was checking his phone and looked up and got confused. He swerved off the road, lost control, and hit a tree."

"His phone?" Johnnie asked.

"Of all damn things," Davey said. "A rockstar crashing because of a phone."

"Was he drunk?"

"Not legally," Chris said. "Close enough though. Probably still burning off last night."

"No injuries?"

Chris, Davey, and Danny all looked at each other. "Not exactly. Why don't you go in and talk to him."

Johnnie had nothing against that. He hurried into the room expecting the worst. In his mind, he saw Rick hooked up to a ventilator, breathing life in and out of his body by the second. Instead, Rick was sitting up in a hospital bed, his head to the right, staring out the window.

"Rick... what the hell..."

"Don't say it," Rick said. "I fucked up."

"Well, yeah. You did. But are you okay?"

Rick lifted his left arm, showing a white cast.

"Is that it?" Johnnie asked.

"My back hurts, but, you know..."

"You picked white because you want all the women to sign it with their numbers," Johnnie said with a smile.

"You're an asshole."

"I am," Johnnie said. "I blame myself for this."

"Don't. It's not you, Johnnie. I've been a mess for a while."

"Why?" Johnnie walked to the side the bed. "Tell me why."

"Everything, okay?"

"That doesn't answer me."

"Johnnie, it's just everything. The band. The tour. The life."

"Talk to me about it then," Johnnie said. He caught himself raising his voice and stopped. "Talk to me. Talk to someone in our band."

"Our band..."

"It's our band," Johnnie said. He touched Rick's shoulder. "It's always been our band. That stuff with Peter..."

"That's not my business. I'm sorry I saw."

"I'm sorry too, but I need you to know what happened. I wrote a new song and Peter heard it. He thought it would be a chance to go solo. To play small places in between touring."

"That's what kills me!" Rick cried out. "I don't want the break, Johnnie, okay? I want to play and never stop. I want to die on that stage. That's why I'm learning guitar. I need more."

"I understand. Rick, you're a brother to me. I would never do a thing to hurt you or the rest of the band."

"I don't know, man, I saw that contract and it was like the last straw for me."

"What were you doing?"

"Leaving. I got in the car and I was going to drive east. Going until the car ran out of gas or until my mind made sense."

"Where were you really going?" Johnnie asked, reading beyond Rick's lying eyes.

"I was going to go to a hotel upstate, find a liquor store, and kill myself probably."

"Booze, man?"

"It makes everything good. Makes me think of when we first started. The cheap stuff we used to drink. Our first tour. The first single..."

"And it's ten years later," Johnnie said. "We're all rich. We're famous. We still tour."

"Maybe there's more to it then," Rick said. "I don't know. I just have this burning inside me. This empty feeling... and then we get on stage and it's all gone. I look out to all those people and I feel at home. I see their faces, the way they move, how they sing every damn word..."

"Me too," Johnnie said. "That's when I feel at home too."

"What about your girlfriend?" Rick asked. "Does she know that?"

"She understands it. I didn't go out looking for her, you know. It just happened. It's life, Rick, it just happens sometimes."

"And I just happened to fuck up our charity show."

"No, you didn't," Johnnie said. "We'll play."

"Without me?"

"We'd never play a show without you, Rick. You know that."

"So what's the plan?"

Johnnie smiled. He touched Rick's face and shook his head. He thought about the first time he saw Rick. Some skinny kid with black hair on a skateboard with a pair of drumsticks sticking out of his back pocket. When Johnnie saw the drumsticks, he chased Rick down and asked him to jam.

"I should have known," Johnnie said.

"Known what?"

"The first day I met you... you wouldn't come jam unless I brought whiskey."

"What can I say, I know what I like." Rick smiled.

"Seriously, Rick, you could have killed someone. Including yourself."

"I know," Rick said. "I feel like an idiot because I wasn't even legally drunk."

"That's a good thing or else you'd be in jail."

"No, it's not that. I deserve it. Why should get I lucky break?"

"Because when you're not drinking, you're a good guy. Keep it that way. And if you get lonely, write."

"Write?"

"You want to play guitar?" Johnnie asked. "Learn how to write too. Hell, you may end up with some material yourself."

Rick's eyes gleamed for a second. "I was thinking, if you don't mind a suggestion..."

"Rick, it's our band, not mine. Suggest away."

"The next album should be acoustic. Like what we did with "Chasing" the other night. That was amazing. Soft and slow, the lyrics driving the song."

"Really? You'd go for that?"

"Of course," Rick said. "As long as I could play guitar on some of it. Imagine an acoustic tour. Like Peter wanted with you. Smaller venues. Relaxed."

"If you guys want something like that, let's do it."

"We have a month off," Rick said. "We could... well, not now I guess."

"Hey," Johnnie said. "Be excited. Be confident. Practice guitar. Hell, go to an island and find a woman for a month. I don't know. Just don't hide in a bottle. I can't do this again..."

"Neither can we," a voice said.

The rest of the band walked into the hospital room. They all surrounded Rick's bed. Brothers. Brothers in music. Brothers in life.

"I'll break your legs next time," Chris added.

"I'll break his drumsticks," Danny said.

"You couldn't break a chopstick," Davey said.

Everyone enjoyed a laugh.

Rick looked at Johnnie and Johnnie turned to the band. "Rick has an idea for an acoustic album... I think we should do it."

"Really?" Danny asked. "What are you going to do, Rick?"

"Play guitar," Rick said. "I've been practicing."

"You know two chords," Danny said.

"Cut it," Johnnie said. "Better than nothing. We'll figure it out, right?"

Everyone nodded.

"And while we're talking... I have something to confess."

"What? Are you getting married?" Chris asked.

Johnnie thought about the ring, still in his breast pocket, and smiled. "Not quite that far off the edge yet. But something came up... for me. I was offered a contract for a solo project."

Everyone's eyes lit up.

"I wrote a song and it was suggested I take it as my own. But I can't do that. I'm sorry I even listened to an offer or saw a contract. You guys are my brothers and nothing will ever change that. I'm bringing the song to the new album. Our first acoustic album. But I have one catch with it. Something I have to demand."

"What's that?" Davey asked.

"My girl, Jess, she has to sing on it. You have to hear her voice. It's like nothing I've ever heard before. And she has no clue how good she is."

The band looked at each other, all gradually working themselves into a nod.

"There's one catch with me," Danny said.

"What's that, little brother?"

"I have to be the best man at the wedding," Danny said. "After all, I am blood..."

"Get out of here!" Chris yelled. "I'm the best man. When you and Davey are doing your guitar solos, who do you think Johnnie bothers? Me."

"Wait a second," Rick said from the hospital bed. "I'm the one who came up with the acoustic album idea. I'm the best man."

"I didn't propose to anyone," Johnnie said. "Not even close. And even if I did... since when do we follow tradition? I'll march four best men up there with me..."

Johnnie looked at each member of the band. When their eyes met, he knew. Blood may be thicker than water, but music gave life its soul. And with these four men, he had life, he had a soul, and he had brothers. For the rest of his life.

Add to that Jess, and Johnnie had love.

He had everything.
(24)

Johnnie closed his eyes and counted to ten. Why the hell was he so nervous? It didn't make sense. He was never nervous. Not like this. Not before a show.

There was no call for this show. No intro song. No buildup. Just a casual crowd of diehard Chasing Cross fans waiting to see the guys play.

"Hey man, you cool?"

Johnnie opened his eyes and saw Rick standing in the doorway. His cast was littered with autographs and dumb sayings, most of it provided by the band. They each took turns writing their favorite memories of Rick. A couple really shouldn't have been written for the world to see.

"I'm great," Johnnie said. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah. I'm sure Eddie will do just fine."

Eddie had been with Chasing Cross's crew for five years. He handled everything with Rick's drum setup and mics, and knew how to play every single song. He would sit behind the kit while the band played.

As far as Rick went...

"You're okay to sing?" Johnnie asked.

"Why not? We're in this together."

"Brothers," Johnnie said.

Five minutes later the band took the stage. The crowd roared and Johnnie stepped to the mic, waving his hands.

"Hey, keep it down," he said with a smile. "This is a charity event. This ain't no rock show..."

"Uh, Johnnie?" Rick asked into the mic a few feet away.

"What's up, Rick?"

"It is a rock show..."

They smiled as Rick's eyes twinkled. Johnnie knew he was at home, the only place meant for Rick.

Eddie counted off a four count and the show started.

While the beginning of the song played, Johnnie found Jess - and her friend Marie - standing front and center. Jess waved and Johnnie blew her a kiss. There was no way Jess was going to escape tonight without being there.

Especially because of something else Johnnie had planned for her...

Johnnie took the lead with the vocals and when the first chorus came, he backed away from the mic and pointed to Rick. He expected Rick to stumble or to sound like hell, some karaoke version of the song, but to his shock, he had found another amazing singer.

Rick didn't just sing the words, he lived them.

So much so that Johnnie looked at Chris who mouthed Holy shit!.

Johnnie joined in for the chorus and slowly, he and Rick grew a chemistry, knowing exactly when to start and stop singing, when to join each other, and when to even share a mic and really get the crowd into it.

After playing for almost an hour, Johnnie called for a break and stepped to the mic.

"How about Rick here?"

The crowd cheered.

"Who knew he could sing..."

"Yeah, I kind of messed up my arm," Rick said. "I crashed my car into a tree."

Johnnie froze, unsure where Rick was going with this.

"You want to know why I crashed into a tree?"

The crowd cheered YES!

Rick winked at Johnnie. "I crashed because Johnnie called to tell me he was in love!"

The reaction was mixed. Some cheers. Some boos. Johnnie laughed it off, knowing that some would be jealous of him and Jess, no matter what.

"That's right," Johnnie said. "That's right. Johnnie from Chasing Cross is a taken man. A happy man. A man... in love... and she's here tonight. Do you all want to meet her?"

Again, the cheer roared through the small venue.

"Okay, Jess, you heard them..."

**

"...oh, and did I mention she can sing too?"

Jess froze and looked up at Johnnie. She swore to herself if she were close enough, she'd smack him in the face. Bad enough he was bringing her up on stage, but this?

Jess took to the stage and walked to Johnnie. She hugged him, not just out of love, but to get to his ear.

"I'm not singing. No way."

"Yes, you are," Johnnie whispered and kissed her cheek.

"I'm going to play a new song right now," Johnnie said. "It's going to be the first single off our next album. An acoustic project. How's that sound?"

Johnnie looked at the band and nodded at them. They came together and he explained the chord changes, telling everyone to follow his lead through the first verse and chorus, then kick in with the second verse. To Jess, it all sounded like a foreign language, but she knew the band would pull it off.

And they did.

Johnnie got a guitar and started to play. He looked at Jess when he stepped to the mic and started to sing. He sang the first two lines and backed away. That left Jess with her opportunity to sing. It would be the first time she ever sang in public. The fear crippled her for a split second until she remembered the show was for those suffering from cancer. This was a show for Chasing Cross to celebrate their music with fans and help people too.

When Jess started to sing, she didn't want to stop. But after two lines she did, and then she and Johnnie switched back and forth until the chorus. They sang at the same time and just as Johnnie directed it to happen, the rest of the band came in. They played the song as though they had been playing it for years. Jess looked around the stage in awe, knowing then just how talented they all were, not to mention how close they were. They could just pick up a song and play it. Without worry. And master it.

Even Rick got involved, using one arm to drum, using the bass drum and the snare.

It all worked.

Jess stayed on the stage for the rest of the show, slowly lingering towards the back, getting a different view of rock n' roll. It kept her heart racing the entire time and when the last song was played, Jess felt a lump in her throat.

She had just witnessed something powerful and beautiful.

The five guys of Chasing Cross then stood, arms around each other, and took a bow.

That's when Jess felt a tear trickle down her cheek.

She wasn't just in love with Johnnie anymore.

She was in love with the music and the band.

With the everything that came with Johnnie.

An hour later they were back in Johnnie's hotel room. To Jess's surprise, nobody drank. Instead, they talked, laughed, played guitar, and talked about the show. Danny and Davey huddled in a corner and played the new song, each taking turns working on riffs and solos.

Johnnie made it a point to talk to each band member alone and did the same for Peter who didn't take a second to put his phone down.

When Johnnie finally got to Jess, he took her by the waist and lifted her, carrying her to the bedroom. She cried out and laughed as he threw her to the bed and climbed on top of her.

"Hope you don't mind a little sweat," Johnnie whispered. He kissed her once.

"I love your sweat," Jess said.

Johnnie kissed her again.

"You were amazing," Johnnie said. "I'm sorry if I put you on the spot."

"I'm fine. I needed that, as crazy as it sounds."

"Since we're on the subject of crazy..."

"I hate when you talk like this."

"No you don't. I'm sure you heard me say about our acoustic album..."

"I caught that."

"Well, we want you to sing on the album. The new song. Like we talked about."

"You do? Or the band?"

"The band. We had a meeting, at the hospital."

"Rick. I hope he's okay."

"He'll be fine," Johnnie said. "It's not all fun and games in this business. But when you have the right people in your life... it's amazing."

Johnnie kissed Jess and his hands were suddenly fast and exploring her body. Before she could say a thing, he slithered from her body, locked the door, and turned off the lights.

The lights would remain off as Johnnie slowly stripped Jess and tasted every possible inch his perfect tongue could reach. By the time he was naked and ready to love Jess's body, she had climaxed twice. One was obvious, the second she tried not to make so obvious.

Johnnie entered her and together they rolled back and forth in the large hotel bed, not sparing any movements nor sounds. Jess didn't care if anyone heard because right now she was living part of her own rock n' roll fantasy. The difference was that she wasn't some one night stand groupie... she was in love with Johnnie and would do this for the rest of her life.

When they finished, Johnnie held Jess in the dark.

Jess kept her eyes open, looking around, thinking.

"I miss the cabin," she finally said.

"I was just thinking that too."

"I miss the stars. The way it felt. The way it held us."

"I know."

"You know the New York thing is a problem," Jess said. "So is your tour."

"I don't believe in problems. It's just a roadblock."

"No, it's a problem. You'll be on the road..."

"I have a month off," Johnnie said. "And it doesn't matter because I'm canceling your plane ticket."

"You're what?"

Jess sat up and fumbled from the bed. She found the light switch and turned it on. She turned, ready to unleash hell on Johnnie when she saw him sitting up in bed, a sheet covering his lower half. His hand was outstretched and between his thumb and pointer finger was a ring.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked.

"Making this forever," Johnnie said. "This was what Rick was supposed to find in my jacket."

"Johnnie..."

"Jess. I'm cancelling your plane ticket because I already bought us two first class tickets. I'm coming with you."

"With me?"

"To New York. I want to be there with you. I want to see you shine in your moments. I'll be backstage, waiting for the crowds to die down, hoping you'll find me and kiss me."

"You can't. You don't have to."

"Of course I don't have to," Johnnie said. "But I want to. I have an apartment in the city. We'll spend the month there. As of right now, the band has no drummer. Rick has to get his cast off and then practice. There's plenty of time before anything else happens. Peter has been on the phone all night, rescheduling the entire tour. If you start a book tour, then we'll make it work. Nothing will keep us apart, Jess, okay? I swear to you."

Jess started to shake as she walked to the bed. She looked at the ring and then at Johnnie.

"It's a small diamond," Johnnie said. "For now. I bought this ring the night I wrote "Chasing". Because I knew that someday I'd meet a woman who would understand the song, the band, and myself. And I told myself that when I met that woman, she would get to wear this ring. And that woman, Jess, is you. Will you...?"

Jess put her hand forward and let Johnnie slide it to her finger. She never felt so alive and loved in her life. Somehow, someway, everything had worked out and felt like it would keep working out.

"Now turn the light off and come back to bed. If you want to see stars... I'll show them to you."
(25)

Jess stepped out of the bedroom first, surveying the hotel room. Of all things to look at first, she looked for the television. It was intact, hung on the wall. The rest of the room had bodies everywhere. The band slept wherever they took their last breath awake.

It reminded Jess of a college party. She was happy that nothing came down to boozing to make it a great night.

Davey and Danny were on the small couch, opposite sides, notebooks on their laps, two guitars on the floor. Rick and Chris were on the larger couch, Rick's cheek against his cast. There was no way any of the sleeping positions could have been comfortable but something told Jess it wasn't the first time they all slept like that.

"Makes me think of ten years ago," Johnnie said as he walked up behind Jess. He slid his arms around her stomach and pulled her tight. He kissed her neck and inhaled her.

"Why's that?" Jess asked.

"We lived in a garage when we first got together. Rented it from this old Irish guy that barely spoke English. We told him we were using it for storage and we lived in it. No heat. No bathroom. Nothing. But it was the greatest place I ever lived..."

"I bet so," Jess said.

Johnnie ran his hand along Jess's and touched the ring. "I love you, Jess."

"I love you, Johnnie."

"I can't wait to go to New York."

"I can't wait to sing on Chasing Cross's next album."

Johnnie laughed and then whistled, stirring the sleeping bodies in the hotel room.

A knock came at the door and Johnnie said, "If that's the police, I'm going to be pissed."

"Relax," Chris said with his eyes shut. "Nobody drank a thing."

"Maybe that's why I feel like hell," Danny said rubbing his face. "I'm used to waking up with a little headache."

"You slept sitting up," Johnnie said as he walked through the hotel room. "Relax. We'll order some breakfast. Charge it to Peter's room."

Johnnie opened the door and froze when he saw a pretty woman standing there. She had long curly hair and brown eyes. Her face was serious and Johnnie smiled, wondering if one of the guys had snuck out and had a little fun last night.

"Can I help you?" Johnnie asked.

"Are you Davey?" the woman asked.

"I'm afraid not." Johnnie looked over his shoulder. "Hey Davey! You've got company." He looked back at the woman. "He just woke up."

"Must be nice," she said.

Johnnie noticed how angry she looked. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"It will be..." The woman pointed and Johnnie looked to his left. He met eyes with a small child, no more than a year. He had his hand in a snack cup, and when he saw Johnnie, he smiled. "Now that my son is going to finally meet his father, everything will be just fine... now, where's Davey?"
Don't miss Book 2 in the _Brothers of Rock_ series, **Broken Sound**...

When a stranger claims her son belongs to Davey, his world is turned upside down.

Could it be possible?

While trying to figure out the timeframe, he must decide how to provide for the baby... and the woman who says she's in love with him.

It'd be much easier if Davey could stop thinking about a beautiful waitress he met. However, her eyes speak to him louder than the words of the baby's mother.

Can he just push his personal emotions aside in order to better the life of the child or will his heart be torn to pieces when secrets are revealed?
Don't miss any of the Brothers of Rock books, along with all of Karolyn's books!

Brothers of Rock:

Chasing Cross 1 -5

All Access

Broken Sound

Bitter Farewell

Buried Notes

Last Song

For those look for a little more _***heat***_ in their reads... don't miss the erotic romance novels from _Karolyn James_!

Rock Her Curves:

Stripped (1)

Stripped Again (2)

Exposed (3)

Exposed Again (4)
_Karolyn James_ writing under the pen name, _Claire Charlins_ , creates western romance novels that will capture your heart as you follow women in the 1800s as they travel west to become mail order brides seeking romance and a better way of life...

Mail Order Romance:

West For Love

Stay up to date with Karolyn James!

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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

First electronic edition February 2013

Copyright © 2012 by Karolyn James

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part of any form.
