>> HELLO.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE ALASKA AUGUST IN LA ME AND
MY MOM GOT INTO AN ELEVATOR AND
TWO WOMEN STARTED LAUGHING AT
ME, PROPER BIG, AND I SAID
MADAME WHACK ARE YOU LAUGHING
AT.
AND THIS WOMAN LOOKED AT ME AND
SAID SUGAR, HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD
YOU YOU LOOK LIKE ELLEN.
AND YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS
LAUGHTER WAS BOUNCING, MY MOM
LOOKED, THEY GOT A POINT, RUSS.
YOU LACK LIKE A CHAMPLING
LESBIAN.
IT GOT STRANGER.
WE GOT INTO THE HOTEL, THEY
THOUGHT THAT ME AND MY MOM WERE
A COUPLE.
HE SHE PLAYED UP TO IT FOR THE
ENTIRE WEEK.
OH, I'VE NEVER HAD SEX LAKE IT.
SHE CALLED ONE OF THE WAITERS I
WAS A MALE PROSTITUTE THAT SHE
GOT CHEAP BECAUSE MY EYE PRTION
LAZY.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
AND IT'S VITAL TO LAUGH, ISN'T
IT, WHENEVER YOU CAN TBRAB JOY
GRAB IT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS
DEPRESSING.
WE LIVE IN A WORLD FULL OF
MORONS, IN ENGLAND IT IS IS
TRUE, WE NO LONGER SELL KROI
SANS BECAUSE PEOPLE WENT TO THE
SUPERMARKET, COMPLAINING, THEY
STARTED PUTTING JAM ON
CROISSANTS, SOME PEOPLE IN
ENGLAND WERE DEFEATED BY BENZI
BREAD.
>> I'M IN THE A FAN, AY, I WAS
GOING LIKE, THAT AND SUDDENLY
THERE WAS JAM ON THE TABLE,
SO-- HOW CAN YOU.
>> HELP, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
>> HOW DO THEY EAT BANANAS.
>> WHERE IS IT GOING?
WHERE IS IT GOING SPH ANYWAY,
THAT IS WHY BREXIT HAPPENED.
YEAH.
(APPLAUSE)
AND IT'S A SHAME, MAN.
WE HAVE LEFT EUROPE, SWI A
MISTAKE.
YOU CAN LEARN FROM OTHER
CULTURES, I WAS IN SWEDEN LAST
YEAR, DO YOU KNOW THEY EAT DEER
AN REINDEER.
I SAID TO THE WAITER WHAT IS THE
DIFFERENCE.
HE LOOKED AT ME, ONE IS RUDOLPH,
IS OTHER IS BAM BY.
YOU MUST DECIDE WITHOUT YOU LOVE
MORE.
>> I LOVE TRAVELING, YOU HE
KNOW, IT'S WONDERFUL, I WAS IN
HONG KONG RECENTLY, DID A GIG.
TOLD MY MOM, SHE SAID OH, IN ENG
ENGLISH, PROBABLY, WE HAVE KNOWN
EACH OTHER MANY YEARS.
>> WHAT HAPPENED ON THE FLIGHT
ONE OF THOSES RARE MOMENTS YOU
FEEL GLAD TO BE ARRIVE.
ON THE PLANE, I HEARD THE VOICE
IN THE SKY GO WILL YOU STOP
TOUCHING YOUR WILLIE.
I TURNED AROUND, FOR A SECOND I
THOUGHT IT WAS GOD.
I LOOKED AROUND, THERES WITH A
MOM KEL TELLING HER FOURIER
OLSON OFF, IT WAS SO FUNNY.
WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING YOUR
WILTY.
THE LITTLE KID LOOKED AT HIS
MOM, OH MUMMY.
I LOVE IT IT.
IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL, THAT
LEVEL OF WISDOM YOU CAN'T DEAL
IT WITH, IF YOU HAD ONE OF
THESE, MOM, YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE
THE DAMN THING ALONE.
I MISS MY CHILDHOOD, YOU KNOW,
NOT ALL OF T I DON'T MISS,
REMEMBER THE HOURS WE SPENT
PLAGUE THE RECORDER, HAVE YOU
EVER NEEDED THAT.
WILL I EVER NEED THIS.
YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN-- A-- OR
SOLD IT OUT.
IN THE CORNER, OH, YEAH, DO YOU
KNOW MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, YOU
KNOW I DO, BAB HEE.
BUT THAT OTHER CREEPY THINGS,
THEY USED TO RUN AT YOU AT THE
PLAYGROUND, PICK A NUMBER, PUCK
A COLOR, PICK A NUMBER.
>> WHAT VOO DO NONSENSE THIS IS.
>> NUMBER.
>> THREE, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> COLOR.
>> RED.
>> R-E-D.
YOU'RE A DICK.
>> WHAT I DO SIS IS THE
SILLINESS.
MY BROTHER WAS A WONDERFUL, HE
WAS-- THIS IS HONESTLY TRUE,
WHENEVER HE WAS LITTLE, HAPPY,
HE WOULD GET NAKED.
THAT WAS HIS THING.
I WISH HE STILL DID IT IT BUT DO
YOU WANT SOME TOAST.
DO YOU WANT TO GO SWIMMING?
HE ONCE GOT NAKED IN A LIBRARY.
I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE EVER BEEN
HAPPIER TO SEA MY LITTLE BROTHER
RUNNING AROUND, MY DAD TRIED TO
CHASE HIM.
IT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE TO QUOTE
PIE DAD T IS PHYSICALLY
IMPOSSIBLE FOR A GREEN MAN TO
CHASE A NAKED CHILD WITHOUT
LOOKING UNBELIEVE PLEE DODGY.
THINK ABOUT T THE ONLY WORDS YOU
HAVE TO CALM STRANGERS DOWN ARE,
HE'S MINE.
WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY,
AMERICA, IN THESE DARK AND
DEPRESSING TIMES, IT'S GOOD TO
LAUGH AND GOOD TO BE SILLY.
WE'RE ALL DAFT SOMETIMES, I BET
YOU MONEY, EVEN THE QUEEN OF
ENGLAND PULLS UP HER BED COVERS
AND JUST GOES PHILIP, LOOK AT HE
ME, I'M A STAMP.
AND I LIKE TO THINK PHILIP LOOKS
BACK AND JUST GOES-- THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
