The

Lost

&

Found

A Novel

By

Grant Fieldgrove

Copyright 2013 by Grant Fieldgrove

Smashwords edition

All rights reserved

ISB 978-1477688137

Published by ManChops Inc.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are

either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously

and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business es-

tablishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The pub-

lisher does not have any control over or does not assume any re-

sponsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

Copyright 2012 by Grant Fieldgrove

Cover Design by Eric Duhart

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in

any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not

participate or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation

of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

First edition: November 2012

****

**For Julie and McClane**

I am still living with your ghost

Lonely and dreaming of the west coast

I don't want to be your downtime

I don't want to be your stupid game

With my big black boots and an old suitcase

I do believe I'll find myself a new place

I don't want to be the bad guy

I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore

I just want to see some palm trees

I will try and shake away this disease

We can live beside the ocean

Leave the fire behind

Swim out past the breakers

Watch the world die

I am still dreaming of you face

Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away

I don't want to be your good time

I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore

I'll walk right out into a brand new day

Insane and rising in my own weird way

I don't want to be the bad guy

I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore

I just want to feel some sunshine

I just want to find some place to be alone

We can live beside the ocean

Leave the fire behind

Swim out past the breakers

Watch the world die

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**A** s he sat propped up on his bed, clutching his

prescription bottle of Oxycontin in his brittle hand,

Mark Briggs thought back to a time before his life had

derailed. At this moment, the intense pain inflicting

his body and soul came from more than the terminal

cancer eating away at him like an enzyme. His girl-

friend of the past three years, Samantha McDor-

mand, had just broken up with him. Her reasoning

seemed selfish and cruel to him. She had told him,

simply, that she could not stand by and watch him

wither away to nothing and die.

The memory currently running through the hip-

pocampus of his brain recalls a moment frozen in

time; him sitting in his car at the passenger drop off

at Eppley Airfield in Omaha. His mother in the front

seat, father in the back. Him being in too much of a

hurry to even help them retrieve their luggage from

the trunk or walk them to their terminal. He had a

date that night and, at that moment, he was eager to

ditch his parents and return home.

Once unloaded, he gave his parents a listless

wave out the window and half-heartedly requested

they bring him back a t-shirt from...wherever. Hon-

estly, at the time, he couldn't even remember to

which island they were going. They told him they

loved him and would see him in two weeks. Mark

had responded with some vague retort then speedily

left the airport. He loved his parents and was elated

**6**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

with their felicity, but he just had other things on his

mind at the time of their departure; a gorgeous little

redheaded spitfire named Samantha whom he had

met the previous weekend.

Mark's parents had been engaged for over two

years before they had enough money for a nice wed-

ding. When all was said and done, they had nothing

left over for a honeymoon. They returned to their

apartment after the festivities and spent December

29th, 1978, their wedding night, watching the series'

finale of Rhoda on CBS. Eleven months later, in No-

vember of 1979, their only child, Mark Alan Briggs,

was born.

It took over thirty years but Mark's parents fi-

nally had the time and means to take the honeymoon

of which they had always dreamed. After Mark

dropped them off at the airport, they boarded their

flight transporting them to Los Angeles where they

would hop on another plane that would spirit them

away to Hawaii for twelve days in paradise; far away

from the biting cold of Nebraska's winter.

Mark had just stepped out of the shower with

Samantha when he received the call informing him

his parents' tour-guided helicopter went down in the

mountains of Oahu, leaving no survivors. He recalls

his vision blurring and slowing kaleidoscoping back

into focus as Samantha continually shook his shoul-

der attempting to reacquire his attention.

**7**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Shortly after he had spread all that was left of his

parents into the breeze over Lake Zorinsky, where he

and his father had spent many summer days fishing,

Mark received a substantial sum of money as a set-

tlement from the tour guide's insurance company.

He didn't care, though. The money meant nothing to

him. He wanted his family back, or at the very least,

another chance to give them a proper farewell in-

stead of the rushed, apathetic wave he offered up as

they wheeled their luggage into the airport and out

of his life forever. The clichéd hope of all recently

abandoned, he thought.

He moped around his house for almost a month.

He was fired from his job and his only means of sup-

port was the monetary gain that came with his par-

ents' demise. He left his apartment and moved into

his parents' house, which was bought and paid for

and left to him. Samantha took up most of the domes-

tic duties around the house and had all but moved in.

One night, while lying in bed together, in an attempt

to cheer him up, Samantha reached her hand into the

front of Mark's pajama pants in the hopes of getting

something started. She began juggling his testicles

with her fingers and then suddenly stopped. He

turned to look at her, to give her a smile, and discov-

ered the cold look of arrant concern that formed

upon her face.

**8**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Babe, what's this?" she inquired in a dire timbre,

her hand rubbing the lump on his right testicle.

Now, nearly two years after his parents left him,

he sits in the bed he has all but been condemned to

die in. He released a heavy sigh and popped the cap

from his pills. He tipped the bottle slightly to peek

inside and make sure there was enough in there to

get the job done. In actuality, he had no idea how

much Oxy it would take to kill him and release him

from his misery, but he still had to try. He slowly

poured the pills into the palm of his left hand and

dropped the bottle beside him on the bed. He ex-

tended his right arm towards his night stand and

wrapped his cold hand around a bottle of water his

nurse had left for him, the cap loose.

So this is how it ends, he thought. A nobody. A

thirty-three year old man with no family, no girl. A

broken down shell of a human being with one testicle

and metastasized cancer rapidly draining the life

from him. At least he had beaten his expected time-

frame. His doctor had given him six months, he was

now heading into his seventeenth. He felt it was a

grim and rather meaningless accomplishment, but an

accomplishment nonetheless. His mortality clock

was ticking, though and he knew it. Up until then,

the pain had been bearable with proper medication

and rest, but with Samantha's absence it didn't seem

to matter anymore. He guessed he didn't have more

than a month left on this planet, probably not even

**9**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

enough to get him to Christmas, and decided it was

better to go out on his own terms than to leave it up

that cruel mistress called fate.

He emptied his medication-filled palm into his

mouth and took a deep guzzle of water, ultimately

swishing the pills around in this mouth for a few sec-

onds before deciding to take the plunge. The tablets

made their pernicious jaunt down his throat before

colonizing in his gut. From there they began to

slowly secrete their chemicals throughout Mark's

anatomy to subdue the descending paths to his brain

and block the transmission of pain.

He picked up the remote control, aimed it at his

stereo and hit the play button. From the speakers

came a song about Santa Monica. About swimming

out past the breakers and watching the world die. He

reached for his iPhone, opened up the notebook app

and typed a few words then placed the phone

squarely on his chest. Over the music he vaguely

heard the sound of someone knocking on a door,

somewhere far off, perhaps in another world, but he

ignored it and focused solely on the pleasant eu-

phony the music was providing. When his eyelids

became heavy and started to descend, he had a smile

on his face and a picturesque view of a luminous,

glimmering blue ocean filling his imagination; some-

thing he had only seen on television and in the mov-

ies. And in his dreams.

**10**

****

AND UNDER THE BOUGHS UNBOWED

ALL CLOTHED IN A SNOWY SHROUD

SHE HAD NO HEART SO HARDENED

ALL UNDER THE BOUGHS UNBOWED

EACH FEATHER IT FELL FROM SKIN

TILL THREADBARE WHILE SHE GREW THIN

HOW WERE MY EYES SO BLINDED?

EACH FEATHER IT FELL FROM SKIN

AND I WILL HANG MY HEAD, HANG MY HEAD LOW

AND I WILL HANG MY HEAD, HANG MY HEAD LOW

A GRAY SKY, A BITTER STING

A RAIN CLOUD, A CRANE ON WING

ALL OUT BEYOND HORIZON

A GREY SKY, A BITTER STING

AND I WILL HANG MY HEAD, HANG MY HEAD LOW

AND I WILL HANG MY HEAD, HANG MY HEAD LOW

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**D** aniel's mother met his father while vacation-

ing in Spain during the summer of 1978. He was thir-

teen years her senior but he had developed such ve-

hement affection for the young woman that he dras-

tically left all he had behind to pursue her all the way

to Middle-Of-Nowhere Nebraska. They were mar-

ried three weeks later and the following May Daniel

arrived.

While Daniel was still a baby, his father started

a wheat farm that began to thrive, allowing him to

fully support his family and provide them with a pa-

latial life. They moved from their two bedroom

apartment into a new house in an upper-middle-

class neighborhood in Omaha, where soon after they

welcomed a baby girl named Elizabeth into their

lives.

As the kids grew older, Daniel became very pro-

tective of his little sister. They formed a bond, as most

siblings do, that continues to get stronger, even to

this day. Around the time Elizabeth began to walk, it

was time for Daniel to start kindergarten. His parents

and sister proudly escorted him to his first day and

watched as he ran off, with no signs of separation

anxiety, and immediately began talking to two little

boys who were standing in the corner by themselves.

Daniel introduced himself to the boys and held out

his hand to shake, as he had been taught. The taller

of the two said his name was Brad and his buddy was

Mark. Proper introductions out of the way, the two

**12**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

boys were confused about the hand shaking. Instead,

Daniel offered up a high five to each. With the friend-

ship so easily formed, Daniel turned to his parents

and sister and gave them a goodbye wave that as-

sured them he would be okay left alone.

That was the starting point of a lifelong, insepa-

rable friendship. As luck would have it, they all lived

within walking distance of each other, so whenever

it was playtime, all three moms would walk out to

the sidewalk and watch the kids walk to whichever

house was that day's designated play spot. When the

kids arrived safely, the moms would wave to each

other before retreating back into their respected

homes. This went on for several months before Dan-

iel's mom decided to invite the boys' parents over,

seeing as they had only met in passing up until that

point. Things went swimmingly. From that night on,

the three families remained close friends.

As the boys began to get older it got harder and

harder to tell them apart, not necessarily in appear-

ance but in attitude. Their personalities we so similar.

The same jokes made them laugh. The same movies

they watched over and over, Star Wars being their

favorite. They were blood brothers. Thick as thieves,

they were told.

The boys gradually grew into men, picking up

an addition to their crew during their junior year of

high school. The newly formed foursome finished

**13**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

high school together, each with a semi-steady girl-

friend by their side, and went off to a local commu-

nity college to earn their AA Degrees. The foursome

was reduced to a threesome temporarily as their

newest recruit had gone off to college in Billings.

Daniel was the first of the gang to become a fa-

ther, albeit nearly a decade later. He impregnated his

then-girlfriend, Aubrey, after a riotous night of mas-

sive inebriation. They ended up parting ways five

months into the pregnancy. Daniel just couldn't deal

with her destructive mood swings anymore and de-

cided to give it all up and leave. At the time of his

departure, just as a pair of frightened teenagers

might do, neither of them informed their parents of

the pregnancy. Daniel wasn't even present when

their daughter was born and he has yet to inform his

parents they have a granddaughter. The only people

who know his secret, aside from Aubrey's side, were

his three best friends who promised, no matter how

much they all seemed to disagree with his decision,

to keep it safe.

Around the time his child was being born, even

though he had no idea, Daniel's lifelong best friend's

parents died in an accident, devastating him and his

family, who had all become extremely close friends.

And when it seemed as if the worst was over, he was

informed Mark had cancer.

**14**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Daniel didn't know how to deal with his feelings

and for the first few months after learning of his

friend's ill fortune, chose to avoid him instead of con-

fronting him. Just like always, he often thought, tak-

ing the coward's way out. Brad very nearly came to

blows with him late one evening over it. After being

called nearly every horrible name he could imagine,

Daniel eventually came to his senses and visited his

dying friend. At first, just once a week, then it turned

into a few days a week before eventually becoming

an everyday gig. Daniel even began helping and sup-

porting Mark as he went through his painful and, ul-

timately unsuccessful, chemotherapy treatments. As

Mark lost his hair, it was Daniel's idea to shave his

head, resulting in the rest of the gang to follow suit

in an attempt to unite them; a move that caused the

badly ill and newly bald Mark to make fun of them,

saying their new haircuts were hideous and looked

like his lopsided ball sack.

Mark was given six months to live nearly seven-

teen months ago. Daniel was happy to have his

friend still be alive but was afraid that he may begin

to suffer. He secretly wished Mark would just pass

away in his sleep soon instead of hanging on, trying

to be brave and risk even more pain. Every morning

when Daniel woke up, he checked his phone first

thing, hoping he had a message saying Mark was fi-

nally at peace.

**15**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Daniel was sitting on the toilet playing a puzzle

game on his iPhone when it began to ring. It was

Brad. He held his breath and felt his heart speed up.

Brad never called, he was purely a texter. Daniel had

a feeling his secret wish had been granted.

**16**

****

I'M A ROLLING STONE, ALL ALONE AND LOST,

FOR A LIFE OF SIN, I HAVE PAID THE COST.

WHEN I PASS BY, ALL THE PEOPLE SAY

"JUST ANOTHER GUY ON THE LOST HIGHWAY."

JUST A DECK OF CARDS AND A JUG OF WINE

AND A WOMAN'S LIES MAKE A LIFE LIKE MINE.

OH, THE DAY WE MET, I WENT ASTRAY,

I STARTED ROLLIN' DOWN THAT LOST HIGHWAY.

I WAS JUST A LAD, NEARLY TWENTY-TWO,

NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD, JUST A KID LIKE YOU,

AND NOW I'M LOST, TOO LATE TO PRAY,

LORD, I'VE PAID THE COST ON THE LOST HIGHWAY.

NOW, BOYS, DON'T START YOUR RAMBLIN' ROUND,

ON THIS ROAD OF SIN OR YOU'RE SORROW BOUND.

TAKE MY ADVICE OR YOU'LL CURSE THE DAY

YOU STARTED ROLLIN' DOWN THAT LOST HIGHWAY

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**J** ake was the last one to join his tightly-knit

group of friends. He didn't come along and unite

with the gang until midway through their junior year

of high school, almost immediately bonding with the

three young men after a chance meeting in the cam-

pus parking lot and impressing them with his

knowledge of the lyrics from an X-Rated rapper

named Too Short, which was booming from the in-

side of Brad's 1982 BMW 320i. That was nineteen-

ninety-six when listening to things like that wouldn't

have been so embarrassing, he would often clarify.

Jake was the only one in the crew to go away to

college. It felt silly, but he wished he had stayed back

with his friends. He would always feel slightly crest-

fallen when the boys would call and tell tales of the

escapades, the most recent of which involved two

cops, three sets of handcuffs and less than an ounce

of marijuana. As silly as it seemed, even to himself,

Jake wished he had been there and provided a neces-

sity for a fourth pair of cuffs. But no, he had left and

life was not turning out to be what he had initially

expected. In fact, the out-of-town college didn't really

do much for him in the long run, anyway. After three

years of earning his degree in graphic design, he

ended up back in Omaha being a server at a local,

and rather shitty (he thought) steakhouse.

It was at that shitty steakhouse he met a woman

named Michelle. She had come in one bright and

**18**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

sunny early-Spring afternoon and applied for a host-

ess position they had open. Jake was immediately

smitten and begged his boss to hire her. It took Jake

six long, painful years- YEARS!- to finally get up the

nerve to ask her out. He watched from the sidelines

as she moved through boyfriend after boyfriend like

an attention-starved pseudo-celebrity, each new in-

crement to her love life like a red-hot poker through

Jake's yearning heart.

He was sitting at the bar one night after his shift.

The restaurant was closed and the only people left

dwelling were employees finishing up the nightly

chores. By this time, Michelle had been promoted to

a server and was just finishing up her shift as Jake

was finishing up his fourth Newcastle. She walked

into the bar, removing her apron and setting it on a

bar-stool. She took a seat next to him and gave him

an elbow-nudge in the arm.

"Hey buddy," she said to him, her smile beaming

despite being exhausted.

Jake gulped down his mouthful of ale and

looked at her, returning an elbow-nudge of his own.

"Hey there pretty lady."

"What a shitty night," she sighed as she signaled

to the bartender who was busy cleaning up. "You

would not believe some of the customers I had to-

night." The mixologist, as he referred to himself,

**19**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

came over and poured Michelle a beer. "Thanks,

Eric."

"Why wouldn't I believe the crappy customers

you had?" Jake mockingly inquired. "I work here too,

remember?"

"Oh stop," Michelle said, leaning in and bump-

ing Jake on the shoulder, causing him to rock on his

bar-stool. "You know what I mean, Shithead."

He didn't think about it, he just blurted it out

with the help of his liquid courage. "Ya know what?

Would you maybe want to go out sometime?"

Her face recoiled a bit and she looked at him

quizzically, waiting to see if he was messing with her.

His face stayed perfectly still, though, with no sign of

a jocular expression. After a moment, she began to

smile and her cheeks turned as red as a cherry to-

mato. "Are you asking me on a date, Jacob Arthur

Boyd?"

Jacob couldn't make the words move from his

throat, opting instead to simply shake his head up

and down in the slightest of manner.

"I'd love to."

Their first date consisted of a day-long comedy

of errors. Nothing went as planned and Jake thought

**20**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

for sure that he had blown his big chance. The movie

they wanted to see was sold-out and they were

forced to see some god-awful, desperate attempt at

comedy featuring a young, black comedian dressing

in drag and pretending to be a hip grandmother. It

was painful to watch. After the big-screen disaster,

the restaurant he promised to take her to had nearly

a two-hour wait. They ended up eating greasy, fried

food from a local burger joint. Glamorous was hardly

the word to describe the date. While taking Michelle

back home, Jake's truck blew a tire and left them

stranded on the side of the road for nearly two hours.

When the night was over he was sure he would never

get another date with her.

He went home, promptly undressed and fell on

his bed, feeling like an unmitigated loser. He heard a

soft, brief vibration from atop his night stand. He

reached for his cellphone, flipped it open and discov-

ered Michelle had sent him a text message. He was

almost too uneasy to open it. He feared the worst

when he scrolled over to READ and hit the center

button. It took Jake five readings of the concise mes-

sage displayed on the small screen before he was able

to absorb the good news. Michelle had had a good

time. A riant ambience flowed through his veins like

a drug and he could feel a toothy grin form on his

face. He enjoyed the sensation for a few minutes be-

fore returning the message.

**21**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

The next few years were filled with the wonted

ups and downs of any relationship. Things were

mostly good for the both of them, though. Michelle

eventually got a bartending job at another restaurant

which actually made their situation more prosper-

ous. Jake eventually moved most of his stuff from his

parent's house into Michelle's apartment. Living to-

gether proved to be quite a challenge that Jake wasn't

expecting but they stayed strong and made it work.

They were able to withstand a calamitous miscar-

riage together and she provided a source of strength

and foundation for Jake and his friends after the ac-

cident that claimed the lives of his best friend's par-

ents.

Things managed to stay held together fairly well

until Mark told them he had testicular cancer. Subse-

quently, Jake became harder and harder to be with.

Michelle understood wholly that he was worried

about his friend and perhaps he was even starting to

question his own mortality. She fought through the

hard times and remained a loyal girlfriend. It wasn't

until she left work early one night and returned

home to find Jake sitting on the sofa, patiently wait-

ing for her return, a messenger bag sitting at his feet,

that she realized just how serious the situation was.

Michelle's smile instantly turned dour when she

saw him. She knew what was coming, even if she

hadn't expected it.

**22**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"I have to go, Michelle," he told her. Her eyes be-

gan to swell and a tear beaded down her cheek. Jake

grabbed his bag and stood up. "I just can't deal with

it anymore. It's too much. I feel like I'm going to im-

plode."

"Can't we talk to this out?" Michelle mumbled,

trying desperately to hold back the release of more

tears.

"I just need some time alone. I need to think

things out. I've got...I love you, I do, I just can't." He

leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek causing

her to no longer be able to hold back. It broke Jake's

heart to leave her while she was crying, but his mind

was made up and he needed to be strong and follow

through with what he wanted. He removed the

apartment key from his key ring and set it on the en-

tryway table, then opened the door and walked out,

down the stairs to his fully packed and loaded car.

He ended up moving back in with his parents, where

he remains to this day.

It didn't take him long to realize what a mistake

he had made. At the time he made it, he was con-

vinced he would be happier on his own, without a

boat anchor tied to his life. He had been sick of all the

small, stupid shit she would always do. Shit that just

grated on his nerves over a long period of time until

he almost couldn't stand to see her face anymore. But

he was wrong. He was now bitter and alone. A thirty-

**23**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

three year old man who just moved back in with his

parents.

Over the next couple of months he tried to apol-

ogize to Michelle and win her back, with no luck. She

had been heartbroken and was angry with him. She

refused to let him back into her life just so he could

do it again. She had been hurt before in the past and

never once did she allow the same person to do it

twice. She eventually began to scratch at Jake's scab

of anguish by reciting to him the plenitude of men

she had fucked since his departure. It wasn't true, but

Jake didn't know that.

He tried copiously to win her back. To apolo-

gize. She began to not accept his calls though. He

grew severely depressed. Michelle was the greatest

thing that ever happened to him and he threw it all

away with one horribly ill-conceived adjudication. It

was something for which he would never forgive

himself.

Tonight, he was sitting on the side of his bed

with Michelle's contact open on the screen of his iPh-

one, waiting for him to hit the call button, when it

began to vibrate in his hand. The screen flashed to an

Incoming Call from Brad. He answered it to the

sound of Brad's frantic voice.

**24**

****

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you

And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles

To fall down at your door

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you

And when the money comes in for the work I'll do

I'll pass almost every penny on to you

When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you

And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles

To fall down at your door

When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you

When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream

Dream about the time when I'm with you.

But I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles

To fall down at your door

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**B** rad Augustine was born on the same day, in

the same hospital and within one hour of his best

friend Mark. Not only that, as both babies left the

hospital, also on the same day, they returned to their

homes on the same street. This, of course, was not

known to either of them at the time. It wasn't until

Brad's mom noticed the family down the street had a

boy of about the same age as her son. She was driving

to the grocery store one day and passed by Mark's

house while the whole family was out in the front

yard. She stopped the car, leaned over and rolled

down the window to introduce herself. She told them

she also had a little boy and would love to have them

over sometime, let the kids play together for a bit.

The family agreed and came over for supper that

weekend. It was then that it was discovered just how

much the two three-year-olds had in common.

They played together nearly every day while the

mom's visited and discussed sewing or the latest ep-

isode of Dallas. When it was time for kindergarten to

start, Brad and Mark welcomed a new boy into the

fray; Daniel, a cute-as-a-button half-Spanish boy

with a bowl haircut who lived a block over. The three

boys did everything together, from pee-wee soccer

and t-ball to helping their parents with various

chores in and around the house.

When high school rolled around and they began

dating, they would almost always go as a group. It

was Spring of their junior year when a new young

**26**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

man began hanging around with them and it seemed

like in no time at all, he had belonged with them the

whole time.

After earning their AA Degrees, Jake, the newest

member of the pack, left for college, while the origi-

nal trio stay in Omaha and continued their education

through the state college. It was there that Brad met

his wife Jeni. She shared one of Brad's classes and he

decided to bite the bullet and simply ask her out one

day after class. She accepted with a smile. They dated

for three years, practically becoming inseparable. She

worked her way into the group of friends naturally

and was always welcomed. Mark and Daniel had a

few girlfriends here and there who all seemed

friendly, but they never lasted very long.

When Jake came into town for a visit, the four of

them went shopping for an engagement ring. Brad

had insisted they come along and help. He didn't

have much money, in fact, none of the boys really

did, but they found a perfectly adequate diamond

that fit Brad's budget. The other three boys kicked in

to help pay for it.

Brad proposed to Jeni on the night of their grad-

uation at her apartment. She thought they were alone

but as soon as she said yes, the door burst open and

in walked the gang, offering their immediate celebra-

tory words, Mark popping a bottle of cheap cham-

pagne, shaking it up and spraying it over the sofa like

**27**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

he just won the NBA Championship (something that

probably would have annoyed Jeni immensely, had

she not already been so elated.) Jake had made the

long drive back home just to be there, but promptly

had to drive back as soon as the boys were to make

their leave and let the happy couple be alone, as his

own graduation was in two days.

Mark, Daniel and Jake all stood by Brad's side

and watched as his bride walked down the aisle to-

ward him. Mark had been in charge of the ring, a task

that had caused him much anxiety. He clutched it in

his right hand from the moment they left that morn-

ing until it was time to hand it over. By then, it was a

hot, sweaty mess.

Shortly after Daniel's secret child arrived and he

took the coward's way out, Jeni and Brad announced

that soon they would be parents. That summer, just

two weeks after the loss of Mark's parents, they wel-

comed a baby girl who they chose to name Carolyn,

after Mark's mother. Upon hearing the surprise news

of the name, right there in the hospital waiting room,

Mark began to weep. Shortly after, the rest of them

had tears welling up, though none wanted to admit

to it.

Carolyn was the most beautiful thing Brad had

ever laid eyes on. She was the absolute love of his life

and he knew he would die before ever letting harm

**28**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

come to her. When she was two weeks old, Brad ac-

companied Mark to the hospital to have a lump on

his testicle checked out.

Brad took up the responsibility of constantly

checking and taking care of his best friend, as he

seemed to worsen every day. Whenever he got off

work at a local drug store, he would stop by Mark's

to check on him before heading home. He would

usually send him texts daily asking if he needed an-

ything and would often bring Carolyn by to cheer

him up.

Mark had a nurse who stopped by every day to

administer drugs and he also had a girlfriend who

helped take the sole burden off of Brad, something he

was happy about, but as Mark got worse, without

warning, the girlfriend left. Left him to die alone.

Brad was furious with her. He knew he would never

hit a woman, but he sure did fantasize about running

in to her and giving her what he felt she deserved.

When Brad arrived at Mark's parent's old house,

where Mark was currently living, he heard loud mu-

sic coming from inside, which he took as the reason

to why his knocks were going unanswered. Brad had

a key to the house that he was given to let himself in,

just in case Mark was sleeping or too weak to get up,

which seemed to be quite often these days. Brad dug

into his pocket, grabbed the key and inserted it into

the lock. The music grew even louder as the door

**29**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

opened up and he followed the sound to Mark's bed-

room where he discovered his best friend lying on his

back with a sly smile on his face. Brad's heart sank.

His friend was dead.

He turned the music down and walked slowly

towards his friend and discovered the empty pill bot-

tle on the bed and the iPhone sitting on Mark's chest.

He picked up the phone, pressing the home button to

wake it from its slumber. There were two meager

lines typed out on the notebook app.

It read: PLEASE SPREAD MY ASHES OVER THE

PACIFIC OCEAN. LOVE M

Brad panicked. He tossed the phone on the floor

and pulled Mark up to a seated position on the bed

and felt for a pulse. It was there. It wasn't too late. He

reached into his pocket and removed his own phone

to call 9-1-1. An ambulance was on the way. Brad felt

helpless and didn't know what to do.

"You son of a bitch!" he screamed. "What the

fuck are you doing, dude?!" He began to shake Mark

by the shoulders. He decided to try something. He

opened up Mark's mouth and shoved his hand down

Mark's throat. Eventually, vomit began to shoot out

like water from a hose freeing itself from a crick. Brad

instinctively withdrew his hand in repulsion but re-

alized it was necessary. He continued to make Mark

throw up. By the time the paramedics rushed in, Brad

**30**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

was sitting in a puddle of puke and Mark was semi-

conscious.

As Mark was wheeled away, Brad stayed be-

hind. He needed to shower and steal some of Mark's

clothes. He would meet them at the hospital. He

picked up his phone from the soaked bed and did his

best to wipe the green and red chunks from it. He had

a few calls to make.

**31**

****

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life You were only waiting for

this moment to be free

Blackbird fly,

blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly,

blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

THE LOST AND FOUND

**T** he three boys waited in the hospital, the stench

of recent sanitation invading their nostrils with each

breath. Each minute staring at the bland, white walls

and listening to the soft buzz of electricity seemed to

last for ten. It was agony. If it was time for Mark to

go, they all hoped it would at least be pain-free. Brad,

somewhat selfishly, he realized, secretly prayed

Mark would pull through. And praying was some-

thing that didn't come easily for him. Mark was

handed a flowing stream of shit luck, and if there was

a God, Brad was pretty upset with him for allowing

his best friend to suffer through so much in such an

epigrammatic period of time.

He had a feeling the guys felt the same way he

did. Content with Mark passing, but still hankering

for more time with him. Brad invoked his esoteric de-

sire out loud, causing Jake to pat him on the back.

"If it's time for him to go, dude, it's time." Jake

told him.

"I know. I just didn't want it to be like this," Brad

replied.

"Like what?" Daniel interjected.

Brad clenched his eyes closed and leaned for-

ward in his chair. "Like this. In a hospital. He should

have died with us...in his home. We should have

been there."

**33**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"We're here now," Jake pointed out.

"It's not the same. He tried to die at home and I

acted rashly and feel like I may have robbed him of

his wish. If he pulls through this, what if he fucking

hates me for it. He made a choice and I over-ruled it.

I had no right to do that."

"You did have the right, bro," Daniel assured

him. "Look man, if he pulls through this, you saved

his life. He obviously wasn't in his right mind. That

bitch fucked him up, bad. He was confused."

The door opened and all three boys looked up,

breathes baited, waiting for whatever news the doc-

tor was going to lay on them.

"Gentlemen," the doctor said, looking down at

his clipboard. The three boys stood up from each of

their indistinguishable motif of tweed-padded hospi-

tal chairs to brace the divulgation. "Your friend is

alive and awake." The trio let out a collected sigh.

"Can we see him?" Brad asked.

"Not just yet," the doctor responded. "I need to

ask you a few questions."

"Okay," Brad answered wearily.

**34**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Mr. Briggs is assuring me this was not a suicide

attempt. He said he was tired and confused and must

have taken too many pills by accident." The boys

looked at the doctor, paying close attention to every

word that emerged from him. "Do you have any rea-

son to believe it was anything other than an acci-

dent?"

Brad thought back to the note Mark had left on

his phone. It was thoroughly discernible what Mark's

intention had been when he swallowed the pills. He

could sense his friends' gazes resting upon him as he

was prolonging the decision of how to answer. Noth-

ing good would come of Mark being on suicide

watch. He decided to discard the obvious. "I know

for a fact it was an accident. That's why I was there.

He called me. Said he thinked he messed up. I didn't

know what he meant and the call ended. I rushed

over there and saw him in bed. I induced vomiting

and the rest you know."

"So you are telling me you do not believe Mr.

Briggs is a risk to himself?"

"Yes. That is what I am telling you."

The doctor looked down towards his clipboard

again, silently adjudicating how to proceed. He re-

moved his glasses and slipped them into his lab coat

pocket. "Look boys, your friend does not have much

time left. I'm sure that is apparent to you." Jake and

**35**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Daniel slightly nodded their heads. Brad stayed per-

fectly still. "I will release him but I will require a

nurse to be there."

"He has a nurse," Daniel informed him.

"He has a nurse that stops by once a day," the

doc retorted. "I will require a nurse to stay with him

at nearly all times. He or she will handle all his pre-

scriptions and have them on hand to ease his pain

whenever he needs it and will be there to overlook

his intake and assure the proper dosages. From here

on out our main goal is to make Mr. Briggs as com-

fortable as possible. It is only going to get worse. I

need you gentlemen to understand that. I do not see

him surviving for more than a month. Maybe even

less. The nurse will give me updates as to his condi-

tion, and when I feel it is time, Hospice will come in

to make sure his passing is as easy on him as possible.

They also help with the body after the soul departs

and will assist you in any needs you may have con-

cerning what comes next."

Brad snapped out of his frozen gaze and spoke

up. "Can he leave the house? I mean, is it safe for him

to leave?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, like, can we take him to a movie or to

the park or something if he gets cabin fever?"

**36**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"That decision will be up to him. If you are ask-

ing if he is contagious and a danger to the public, he

is not. He is sick though, and with that will come ex-

treme fatigue and debilitation. So it is really up to

him what he wants to do. He has a wheelchair, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Then that should make it a little easier on him.

Just don't overdo it. Also, the medication the nurse

will be administering from here on out will serve one

purpose and one purpose only; to make the pain less.

There's no getting better. I need you to understand

that. Once this morphine concentrate starts, it really

is the beginning of the very end. This isn't the medi-

cal marijuana or Oxycontin or the Fentanyl patch, or

even the morphine he's used to. This is, you know,

the hard stuff. Liquid concentrate. It may cause mood

swings or delirium, but that is perfectly normal. Just

bear with it. From here on out you need to make sure

your friend is as comfortable as possible. Now, I will

sign his release papers if you agree to all of what I've

said." The boys stood silent. "Do we have an agree-

ment."

"Yes. Yes sir," Brad answered.

"Yes sir," Daniel and Jake answered in unison.

**37**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Very well, then," the doctor said, extending his

hand. When all formalities were completed, he

turned his attention back to the clipboard for a mo-

ment. "Remember, men. Do not overdo it."

When the doctor exited the waiting room and

the door closed, assuring he was well out of earshot,

Jake asked, "So, are we going to overdo it?"

A smile formed on the other boy's faces. Brad

was the first to answer, "Fuck yeah, we are."

**38**

****

When the slow parade went past

When it felt so good you knew it couldn't last

And all too soon the end was gonna come without a

warning

And you'd have to just go home

And the way it all went by

And somebody said "come on its getting late"

And you thought the world might end if you just looked the

other way

And now you wish that you had stayed

And there's so much more that you could see if you just stick

around

And all the street light secrets whispering for you to come

back out

Oh no

There's so much more that you need to work out

Oh no

You don't want that parade to leave you now

And the days are all the same

And the town so big and no one knows your name

And the people fade away

And all stars are just a flicker

And you're left there all alone

When there's so much more that you could see if you just

stick around

And all the street light secrets whispering for you to come

back out

Oh no

There's so much more that you need to work out

Oh no

You don't want that parade to leave you now

When the music's over

But the song stays in your head

Oh no

There's so much more that you need to work out

Oh no

You don't want that parade to leave you now

Yeah

There's so much more that you need to work out

Yeah

You don't want that parade to leave you now

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**M** ark was returned to his home, complete with

a new nurse who would be sharing duties with his

previous one. His current nurse was a man who

stopped by once or twice a day to make sure he was

comfortable. The new one is a slightly pudgy but

pretty-faced, fairly-young blonde woman named

Vallesa.

Brad and Daniel were sitting by Mark's beside,

lazily watching some pathetic sitcom on television

when she first arrived. Jake was mad that he didn't

get to be there, but he was scheduled to be at work

for the morning shift today, and having already

missed the past two days due to the emergency, he

figured he better show up, no matter how dead-end

he thought the job absolutely was.

Vallesa knocked on the door and Daniel got up

to let her in. She was wearing plain, light-blue scrubs

and carrying a purse and a small medical bag. He in-

troduced himself and led her to the bedroom where

Mark was propped up.

"Hi guys," she greeted them as she entered the

room. Brad stood up to shake her hand and introduce

himself.

He pointed to Mark and said, "Lazy Bones over

there would be your patient. Don't expect much from

him."

**40**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Mark attempted to laugh but ended up cough-

ing as he struggled, but finally got out, "Go fuck

yourself." He looked Vallesa in the eyes and contin-

ued, "What a dick. Anyway," he coughed again, "I'm

Mark. And yes, don't expect much from me."

"Can we get you anything. I mean, do you need

anything?" Daniel offered. "Brad was in charge of

shopping this week so I'm sure there are plenty of

chips and energy drinks."

Vallesa smiled and said, "No thank you."

Brad stood up and said, "Speaking of energy

drinks," then walked out of the room, returning a few

seconds later popping the tab of a Lo-Carb Monster,

the _ksh_ sound of carbonation escaping the can draw-

ing everyone's attention. "Anybody else want one?"

"I'll take one," Mark said softly while slowly rais-

ing his hand.

"No no no no no," Vallesa interrupted. "You are

not drinking any caffeine. You get juice and water

and maybe, if you're nice, some Gatorade."

"What a jip," Mark protested. "What's it gonna

do, kill me?"

"Not on my watch, Bucko." She opened up her

medical bag and removed several pill bottles and a

**41**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

few vials. "So here's what we have." Daniel and Brad

walked over to the various medications to examine

them. "No touch!" Vallesa mockingly snapped at

them. "I am the only one to administer these medica-

tions. Absolutely no exceptions, and that goes double

for you, Mister," looking squarely at Mark, still

propped up on a pillow.

"Yowsa, boss."

"Now, here's the million dollar question. How

are you feeling right now?"

"I'm good right now," Mark said, raising his

right arm to show her the brown square stuck just

above his armpit. "I got a fresh fentanyl patch and it's

kicking in, baby doll."

"I can tell," she said wryly. There was a knock on

the door and everyone turned in time to see Jake

saunter on in, still wearing his work clothes.

"Knock knock, guess who got off early, bitches!"

Jake exclaimed as he was entering the bedroom.

Upon noticing Vallesa, he quickly tried to back pedal.

"Shit. Them bitches, not you bitches. Not that you're

a bitch. I'm sure you're not. I just meant-"

Brad decided to ease Jake's suffering and inter-

jected. "Vallesa, this is our friend Jake. Jake, this is

Mark's new nurse, Vallesa."

**42**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Vallesa blushed a little bit as she said hello. It

was quite obvious to Brad, Daniel and Mark that she

found Jake attractive. Brad chuckled a bit which

caused Vallesa to turn even redder.

Jake, however, oblivious and still stumbling

over his previous mishap, raised his hand in a pa-

thetic attempt of a Hello gesture. It made him look

more like he was being sworn in to office than wav-

ing. He squeaked out a soft, "Hey," accompanied

with a chicken-like head peck. Mark and Brad ex-

changed glances, both thinking the same thing; _What_

_the fuck?_

Vallesa killed the awkward silence that fol-

lowed. "I was just explaining to the boys here exactly

what medications I have and instructed them that,

under no circumstance, were they allowed to touch

them. Do I need to go over this again with you?"

"Don't touch," Jake answered. "Got it."

"Well boys, it looks like we'll probably be spend-

ing a lot of time together in the future." She put all

the drugs back into her bag, "It's not that I don't trust

you guys, but, well, I guess I don't trust you guys."

She smiled and giggled a bit, "Seriously though,

when other people are in the house I'm not allowed

to leave the drugs unattended. Nothing personal.

**43**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Where is the bathroom?" Brad pointed her in the

right direction and she left the room, bag-in-hand.

"She seems nice, dude," Brad said to Mark.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed. "Much better than the

other guy. That guy's kind of a dick."

Mark cough-laughed again and added, "Just be-

cause he wouldn't give your loser-ass some medical

marijuana."

"Whatever man. Anyway, I think she'll work out

nicely."

"Me too," Jake said, taking a seat on the small fu-

ton against the far wall of the room. "Dude, this seat

sucks. You can't even see the TV from here."

"Oh man, I sure do feel bad for you," Mark told

him.

Vallesa came back in to the room, still holding

her bag. "Anyway, guys, I'll leave you alone. If you

guys need anything, just let me know. Do you have

your bell?"

Mark answered by reaching under his blanket,

retrieving a small silver bell and ringing it obnox-

iously.

**44**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Good to know. Use it sparingly, that thing is an-

noying." She turned and made her way into the liv-

ing room. After Mark had fallen asleep, the boys be-

gan working on their plan.

"He wanted his ashes spread over the Pacific

Ocean," Brad informed them, "and when I found him

he had that Everclear song Santa Monica on repeat."

"So what are you thinking, dude?" Daniel asked.

"Oh, I'll tell you what I'm thinkin', bitch. I'm

thinking road trip. We steal him from his soul-killing

confines, we rent a van and we cut down to Santa

Monica."

Jake raised his concerns. "He's not going to go

for that. Besides, you heard the doctor. He is on bor-

rowed time and will be exhausted. We can't just

throw him in a van and take off. Besides, he needs

drugs."

"We can worry about that later. Right now, I

need to know if you guys are in."

Daniel spoke up immediately, "Hell yeah, I'm in.

I'll just tell my dad I won't be able to work for a while.

That's easy for me. You guys have real jobs though."

**45**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Yeah, and they're not exactly good jobs, dude,"

Jake added. "Do either of you have any money? Be-

cause I sure as shit don't."

"Dude," Brad responded, "we'll worry about that

shit later. Are you in or what? If we agree to do this,

we can work out the kinks and form a real plan. We

all need to be on the same page first, though."

Jake sat silent for a moment before slowly nod-

ding his head. "Yeah, man. I'm in."

"Fantastic. Now let's figure out how the hell

we're going to do this."

"Dude, this is going to be impossible. What

makes you think Mark will even want to go?" Daniel

asked.

"Well," Brad answered, "we'll ultimately leave it

up to him, but as long as he thinks he has the strength

to go, I don't see what would keep him here. We need

to all chip in and help him, though. That means help-

ing with bathroom trips, eating, making him com-

fortable and giving him his medicine."

"Shit dude," Jake said, "how the hell are we go-

ing to get the medicine?"

"We'll have to steal it."

**46**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"How the hell are we supposed to steal it? Val-

lesa out there just said she can't let it out of her sight.

Furthermore, how the hell are we going to get Mark

out of here?"

"The doctor said we could take him out when he

was feeling well, we'll just say-"

"Bro," Daniel interrupted, "I'm pretty sure Val-

lesa is smart enough to realize we're packing clothes

and leaving with her patient. We're going to have to

come up with something a little more stealth than

that."

"Okay," Brad agreed, "you're right. We'll come

back to that. First and foremost, we need to get

money. I was thinking, I have a 401k. Maybe I can

take a loan against it."

"Aw man, I don't want you to have to do that.

I've got a couple thousand in the bank we can use."

"Dude, I have like seven-hundred bucks, but we

can totally use it...Not like my parents charge me

rent," Jake added.

"That's not going to cut it, boys. I'll see how long

it takes to get the loan. If we're taking Mark out in

style I don't want to be a penny pincher. I want to go

all out."

**47**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Do what you gotta do, man. Me and Danny will

help all we can. Is Jen going to go for this, though?

Dude, you're the only one with a family."

"I'll talk to her, I think she'll be okay with it.

She'll have my parents and her parents to help with

Carolyn and she knows how important this is. And

she loves Mark, and you guys."

"What about the 401k?"

"Oh, she doesn't need to know about that." The

boys shared a chuckle then decided to let Mark get

his rest. They would begin setting the plan in to mo-

tion tomorrow. They all stood up and headed back

out in to the living room, finding Vallesa sitting on

the sofa, the medical bag resting against her. She was

absent-mindedly swimming the channels. Behind

her, the lowering sun peeked through the curtains,

setting her aglow. "Hey Vallesa, we're going to take

off."

"Oh, you guys don't have to go. You're more

than welcome to hang out and watch TV with me or

something."

"Thanks for the invitation," Jake said, "but we re-

ally need to go."

"You sure you can't stay?" she asked, looking

straight at Jake.

**48**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Brad turned to Daniel, giving him an elbow

nudge. Daniel snorted after his failed attempt to con-

tain his laughter.

"Sorry, we really need to go," Jake insisted.

"We'll be back later, though. I promise." Vallesa

cheeks turned beet red again.

"Promise?"

While Jake and Vallesa continued their childish

flirtation, Brad tried to think of a plausible way to

steal the drugs from the bag without being caught.

As for now, he was stumped. They said their fare-

wells and took off. "I'll text you guys in the morning,"

Brad told them, "right now I'm going to go talk to Jen,

get this thing figured out."

"Good luck, buddy."

"Yeah," Daniel added. "Good luck, homes."

While driving home, Brad thought about differ-

ent ways to broach the subject with his wife. She was

wonderfully kind and thoughtful and had always

fully supported him in all decisions he made, but he

worried that being gone for a couple weeks would be

too much of a strain on her. Plus, it was going to be

hard for him, too, being away for so long, missing his

beautiful daughter and wife. He drove on in silence,

**49**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

noticing the lack of snow on the ground, odd for so

late in the year.

Carolyn was napping peacefully when he re-

turned home and told Jeni he needed to talk to her

about something important. At first she seemed wor-

ried, but he almost immediately corrected himself

and assured her it was nothing bad. She took a seat

at the table and slid out the chair opposite her with

her right foot, inviting her husband to sit with her.

He did.

"Okay, I need to know how you would feel

about me being gone for a few weeks."

She pursed her lips together in wonder. "Why?"

"Mark's not doing well. Obviously. But, the doc-

tor said he's only got a month or so to go, maybe less."

Jen gave him a sympathetic smile, "I know, babe.

I'm sorry."

"It's okay, but here's the thing. You remember

how I told you what his suicide note said; how he

wanted his ashes spread over the Pacific Ocean?"

"Yeah..."

**50**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Well, me and the guys, we thought...Well, we

were wondering...Okay, look, we want to steal him

and drive him to Santa Monica, California."

"What?" Jeni said, her face drawing backwards

in bewilderment. "You can't just remove him from his

care. Baby, he is sick. He is going to die. He needs

proper care. You don't want him to be in pain. He

won't even have the strength to-"

"I know. It's fucking stupid and it's a horrible

idea; I just..." His voice caught and tears were form-

ing in his eyes. He took a second to try and collect

himself, but as soon as he continued on he just got

worse. "He's my best friend. And I love him, and I

don't want to lose him."

"Baby," Jeni said, in an attempt to make him feel

better, but it just made it worse as she had begun to

cry, as well.

"I have to do this for him. We have to do this."

"You're right. You go. We'll be here waiting for

you when you get back."

Brad stood up and walked around the table to

his wife, bending over to hug her. The tighter she

held him the harder he sobbed.

**51**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Just do me one favor," she said. Brad released

his grip on her and retracted a bit to look her in the

eyes. "Bring him by one last time before you go. I

want to see him. I'm sure Cari would, too."

Brad sniffed and wiped his face dry, "I will.

Thank you, babe. I love you."

"Check in with me?"

"Every day."

"I love you, too" She grabbed his face and pulled

it into hers, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.

Getting time off would be the most difficult for

Brad. If worse came to worst, he thought, he would

just quit. It was a shitty job, anyway, and he was bit-

ter for having it. A college graduate working a dead-

end job at a shitty local drug store. Pathetic, he

thought.

Jake called his boss at home and explained the

situation. They had plenty of help and other workers

were begging for more hours. He assured Jake he

would have no problem filling his slots.

Daniel told his dad exactly what was going on

and that he wouldn't be on the farm for a while. He

said that was fine, there was little else he could say.

**52**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Brad's boss agreed to permit him to take his two

weeks' worth of vacation, starting at the beginning of

the next schedule. He could leave this week, sans sti-

pendium, as long as he got all his shifts covered. He

made a few more phone calls, offered up a few bribes

to his co-workers, and after forty-five minutes on the

phone, was good to go.

He then sorted through his document drawer,

eventually finding his latest 401k statement. He

skimmed through the print, finally landing on a

phone number. He dialed and waited on hold to talk

to a representative. She informed him there were two

ways to take money out; one way was to borrow

against the fund and pay it back weekly via a deduc-

tion from his paycheck, or he could choose to file a

hardship and not have to pay it back. She explained

to him that he would be taxed and several fees would

be tacked on with the latter choice. He rolled it

around in his mind for a bit before settling on the

hardship. Retirement was still a long way off for him,

he thought. Fuck it. The representative told him ten-

thousand dollars would be deposited in his bank ac-

count by the end of business tomorrow if he could

print, sign and fax all the paperwork back to her by

the end of business today. He promised her she

would have it within the hour.

Now, all they had to do was form the rest of the

plan. And talk Mark in to going.

**53**

****

When you walk through a storm

Keep your chin up high

And don't be afraid of the dark.

At The end of the storm

Is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,

Walk on through the rain,

Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone,

You'll never walk alone

THE LOST AND FOUND

**I** t was early Friday morning and the sun was

just beginning to break through the confinements of

its architectural barrier, casting its respondent glow

over downtown Omaha, dissipating the night's cool

air and providing warmth for all in its range. It was

a single ray of dawn's light that was peering in from

the slightly cleft blinds that roused Mark from his

drug-induced slumber.

He opened his eyes and waited for the world to

come into focus, giving them a rub to aid in the pro-

cess. His nurse, a man named Mitchell, entered the

room, telling him good morning. Jesus, Mark

thought, was this guy just standing at my door wait-

ing for me to wake up?

"How're you doing this morning, Marcus?"

Still groggy and unsure of himself, Mark mum-

bled, "I'm okay," not really knowing if that was a

truthful answer or not.

"Good, good. That patch they gave you should

get you through all day and most of the night. Can I

get you anything? Are you hungry?"

"No. No thank you. Still no appetite."

"Well you really should get something into your

system. How about some juice?"

**55**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Sure, man. That'd be great. Thanks."

Mitchell nodded then left the room, returning a

few minutes later with a glass of apple juice with a

bendy straw inserted. "I'll be here for another two

hours or so, so if you need anything, you know what

do."

Mark turned his head to look at the bell sitting

on his nightstand, "Gotcha. Thanks again for the

juice."

"No problem. Try to get some more rest if you

can. I'm sure your buddies will be by later. They usu-

ally are." He gave Mark a sympathetic smile and ex-

ited the room again. Mark drank a few sips of his

juice then set the glass back down. He fell back asleep

almost instantly.

Brad sent Daniel a text message around 10am

asking for ride to the rent-a-car place. Daniel obliged

and was at Brad's front doorstep thirty minutes later.

They needed a big car, obviously. One that would

provide Mark with the most comfort and be able to

hold his wheelchair and all their luggage. Brad and

Daniel had decided on renting the Ford Expedition,

a prodigious land-yacht that would take a week's pay

to fill up and approximately six highway miles to de-

plete. They told the sales representative what they

wanted and were greeted with the cataclysmic news

**56**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

that there were no more Expeditions available. Their

only other option was a 2013 Toyota Sienna.

Daniel looked at the picture-board which dis-

played all the car models, searching for the Sienna.

After failing to locate it, he asked, "Which one is

that?"

The woman behind the desk, Deloris, pointed

towards the top of the poster, saying "It's that one

right there. Very top, far left."

"The fucking soccer-mom van?" Daniel asked

with disgust in his voice and revulsion scorching

throughout his face.

"It's a very nice van, sir."

"Can you tell us a little about it, please?" Brad

asked. "We're actually going to need a lot of room."

"I understand, sir, and I can assure you the Si-

enna offers ample room for you and your passen-

gers." She clicked some buttons on her keyboard then

turned her attention to the computer screen. "Let's

see. It has a removable second row of seats, dual cap-

tain's chairs up front, reclining seats in the rear, auto-

matic sliding doors, nineteen inch wheels, cruise con-

trol, dual moon-roofs, cruise control, C.D. player

with JBL audio-"

**57**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Two cruise controls?" Daniel asked sarcas-

tically.

"Pardon?"

"You know what," Brad interrupted, "I think that

will be great. We'll take it."

Daniel leaned in to whisper to Brad, "Are you

fucking serious, bro? I'm pretty sure my dick just re-

treated back into my pelvis and said _Welp, see ya later._

_You won't be needing me for a few weeks_."

Brad handed Deloris his credit card and told him

he would need the car for two weeks, minimum,

maybe even longer. Deloris explained all the condi-

tions that went with the rental and handed him a con-

tract which he promptly signed without bothering to

even peruse, aside from making sure the insurance

was included. He'd seen this movie before. This car

was as good as fucked.

They walked outside and, after a brief wait, an

employee pulled their new ride around front. He

tossed Brad the keys and said, "You gals be safe."

"What'd you say?" Daniel asked, already starting

to get pissed.

"I said, 'You guys be safe.'"

**58**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

The employee made his way back into the shop,

and right as the door was closing, added, "Be sure to

change your tampons on a regular basis."

"Oh man!" Daniel popped off, ready to head

back inside and beat that smart-mouth little prick

half to death. Brad grabbed his shoulder from behind

and spun him around.

"Dude. Let it go."

"Man, fuck that guy."

"You can. I don't really want to." Brad hopped in

the driver's seat. "Call Jake, dude, tell him I'm on my

way to pick him up. I need to swing by my house

first, I left my stupid phone." He worked his ass into

the plush seat with delight. "Hey, this isn't bad.

Check out these badass captain's seat!"

Despite Daniel's initial displeasure with the ve-

hicle choice, he peeked his head inside and was ra-

ther impressed, even though he chose to hide it from

Brad. "Yeah, great. Just great."

"See ya in a few."

"Yeah, bye mom."

**59**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

After swinging by his house and enduring a few

cheap laughs from his wife about his awesome new

ride, Brad showed up at Jake's house. He appeared

to be in shock. "Are you fucking kidding me, dude?

We're going cross country in a soccer-mom van?!"

"Dude, don't knock it before you check it out."

"When you said van, I was thinking like an SUV,

or at the very least, one of those rockin' 70's vans with

a dragon or wizard painted on the side or some-

thing."

"A rape van? You want to drive cross country in

a rape van? Should we grow thin mustaches and

carry around a pocket full of candy, too?"

"It'd be better that this!"

"Just get in the fuckin' van, Nancy. We've got

shit to do."

"Fine." Jake opened the door and sat in the front

passenger seat, immediately recognizing the cap-

tain's chair feature and giving a slight, but noticeable,

favorable 'mmm' which Brad heard and chose to ex-

ploit.

"See, I told you!"

"Fine, it's not bad on the inside. Let's go."

**60**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Daniel was waiting in his car parked on the

street in front of Mark's house when Brad and Jake

arrived. He pulled the van into the driveway and all

three boys exited their vehicles. "Why didn't you go

inside?" Brad asked to Daniel as he was walking up

the driveway.

"Dude Nurse is still here. I didn't want to have

to talk to him in case Mark was sleeping."

"Just because he's a nurse doesn't mean he's go-

ing to hit on you."

"I know, shit, I just didn't want to talk to him,

that's all."

They got to the door and Brad inserted his key

into the lock, slowly opening the door and peeking

in. "Hello, just us."

Mitchell was sitting on the sofa. "Hey guys, he's

still sleeping. Come on in. I'm just about to leave as

soon as my relief gets here."

"You're not pooping right there, are you?" Jake

asked.

"Not that kind of relief, dumbass. When the

other nurse gets here."

**61**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Right on, man," Brad said. "No worries. How's

he doing today?"

"He only woke up for a few minutes, drank a few

sips of juice then went back to sleep. Said he felt okay.

Those fentanyl patches are usually good for a couple

of days."

"Do you have more of them in your little bag

there?"

"Yeah, I have everything he needs, as does his

other nurse."

"Right on," Daniel said. "You think I can try one

of those patches?"

"Funny. I wouldn't give you any of the mariju-

ana, but sure, have some fentanyl. How about a little

morphine to go with it?

A knock on the door brought sudden closure to

the argument that was about to begin. Brad turned

and opened the door to see Vallesa standing there in

her scrubs, purse over her shoulder, medical bag in-

hand. "Hey Vallesa, come on in. We just got here."

"Hi guys. Hi Mitchell."

**62**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Mitchell said hello then stood, gathering up his

things and making his way to the door. "I'm ex-

hausted. I'll see you tonight. He had some juice this

morning but that's it. He's still sleeping and the fen

patch is still working."

"Great. Get some sleep."

"Don't worry about that," he said, closing the

door behind him.

"Who else is here?" Vallesa asked.

"Just us," Jake answered.

"Oh, I thought somebody's mom was here or

something. There's a god awful van in the driveway."

"Hey hey now, that's my van," Brad said. "I'm

renting it. Um. My car, ya know...broke down."

"Oh man, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's actually a pretty sweet ride."

"If you say so," she said as she headed off to-

wards the bedroom, her eyes lingering on Jake just a

few seconds longer than necessary.

"Dude, she sooo wants you, bro," Daniel teased.

**63**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Shut-up, man."

The boys made their way into the bedroom

where Mark was just waking up. "Good morning,

Sleepyhead," Vallesa said to him.

"Hey. Hey guys."

"I'm going to go make you some breakfast. You

don't have to eat it if you don't want. Give me a few

minutes," she said as she turned and left the room.

Brad, a little over-anxious, back-handed Mark in

the shoulder and exclaimed, "Dude! Guess what."

Mark winced in minor pain, rubbed his arm and

said, "Really, dude?"

"Shit. Sorry man. But guess what."

"What?

"We're gettin' you out of here."

"What the hell do you mean you're getting me

out of here? Where are we going?"

"Santa Monica."

Mark looked around, moving from one face to

the next. "Yeah. Right. Let's go now then."

**64**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"We're dead serious, bro," Daniel said, standing

up and walking towards the window, opening the

blinds and revealing the van parked in the driveway.

"You see that shit, bro? That is top-of-the-line, pure

comfort, easy-rollin', Jap-made engineering shit right

there."

Mark squinted in the brightened room, trying to

collect his thoughts. "Shut up."

"Serious, man," Jake said. "We're busting you out

of here."

"I can't just leave. I'm sick. I'm dying. I need my

medicine and I need my bed. Besides, they're not go-

ing to let me go even if I wanted to."

"Dude, that van has everything you could ask

for," Brad said. "Folding down seats, recliners, plenty

of leg room, two cruise controls, apparently, you

name it. Besides, I know you don't want to spend the

rest of your life in this bedroom. You can't honestly

tell me that you do."

"You're right. I don't. But it won't work, guys. I

appreciate the gesture, but I just don't see it happen-

ing."

"Why not, bro?"

**65**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Well, for one, I need my medicine. I don't think

they're just going to hand some over to you so we can

go on a road trip."

"Okay. But, say we figure out a way to get your

medicine. All of it."

"Yeah right. She won't let it out of her sight and

it's not like you can break into a hospital or pharmacy

and steal more."

"Dude, you leave that up to us," Brad said. "In

fact, leave everything up to us. Bottom line, if we can

get you out of here and into that van, fully stocked

with medicine and everything you need to be com-

fortable, will you come with us?"

"Yeah, bro, and even if you say no we'll just kid-

nap you next time you fall asleep," Daniel added.

"The choice is yours, my man."

Mark was quiet for a few moments again, trying

to figure out if this was reality or another hallucina-

tion caused by one of his many drugs' side-effects.

When his head cleared and he was nearly positive

this ridiculous, fucked up idea was real, he an-

swered. "Yeah, I'm down."

"Hell yea!"

"Fudgin' right on!"

**66**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Hold on, though," Mark added. "You know

sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom. I might

need help with shit like this, especially when I get

even worse. That's why I have, ya know, nurses. And

a catheter."

"Don't worry about that, Brosef," Jake said,

reaching into his messenger bag, "we've got you cov-

ered!" He removed an item and held it up for all to

see.

"The Stadium Pal?" Mark asked.

"The God-damn Stadium Pal! _When ya gotta go_

_but ya wanna stay!_ "

"That thing never worked."

Jake threw it at Mark. It landed on his face.

"Check it out it, my man."

Mark held up the contraption. It was basically a

condom-like, outer-worn catheter and a flexible hose

that connected down to a bag that you would tie to

your leg. Then, when full, you release the valve on

said bag over the toilet. Or wherever. It was origi-

nally designed for fat, drunk and lazy sports fans

who couldn't be bothered to stand up to piss. Accord-

ing to the actual commercial that aired quite often

around the fourth quarter of 1999, a bag of warm piss

**67**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

strapped to your leg would solve all your problems.

The gang had found it an amazing idea, so during

their second year of community college, they all or-

dered one and attempted to use them in class, with

disastrous results.

"Dude," Mark said, looking at Jake, "didn't you

piss all over yourself in that film class we were tak-

ing?"

"That was totally different! It wasn't secured

properly and, ya know, I was sitting weird and what

with gravity and all, my dick just kinda went south

and the thing just, ya know, fell off. I didn't know.

But look, we can fix that." He dug into his bag once

more, this time retrieving a roll of duct tape.

"So let me get this straight. You want me to duct

tape this disgusting catheter, that, may I remind you,

has previously been occupied by YOUR dick, to MY

dick, and hope that the end result is better than the

last time you used it. That's it. That's what you're tell-

ing me?"

"Fuckin A, right!"

"Yeah, alright. Good enough."

"For everything else, we can always pick up

some Depends."

**68**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Dude, I'll wear your little pissy-condom but

there is no way I'm cruising around with a diaper."

"Come on, you've never been a little curious

about it?" Jake said, looking around the room at a

bunch of blank faces. "Right! Like no one here has

considered buying a pack of Depends and just trying

them out...for fun?"

The blank faces turned to faces of mild revul-

sion.

"Oh. Um, well me either. That's gross."

Brad leaned in close to Mark and whispered,

"I'm going to get you to that Pacific Ocean, man. I

promise you."

"Thank you," Mark whispered back softly.

"This is it, buddy. The big shebang. The last hoo-

rah. All for you."

Vallesa returned to the bedroom with a plate

consisting of, what looked to be, a grilled cheese

sandwich and some orange slices. "Are you hungry?"

"A little. Thank you, Val."

"You're absolutely welcome. Are you set on

juice?"

**69**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Yeah, I've got enough. Thanks again."

"My pleasure. Ring if you need anything. You

boys behave yourselves."

After she left the room, Mark asked the obvious

question. "So how, exactly, are we going to do this?

There is no way Val is going to let you take me out of

here with everything I need. Christ, she would prob-

ably insist on coming with us even if we said we were

going to the park or something. On top of that, how

the hell are we going to get the drugs. She never lets

that goddamn bag out of her sight." His voice began

to crack, he was already parched. He turned his head

and coughed a painful cough into the pillow.

"You leave all of that up to us," Brad answered.

"We've got this."

"Yeah, well you guys figure that out and let me

know when and where I have to be." He coughed

again.

"We'll leave you alone, man. Eat your lunch."

"You're leaving?"

"We'll be in the backyard working on a plan.

We'll be back."

**70**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Hey guys...?"

"What's up, Marcus?"

"You guys don't plan on picking up any

chicks along the way, do ya?"

The three boys laughed together, Brad finally

answering, "No man. We don't."

"Okay good, because that ride you got us is quite

the vagina dryer."

Now all four of them laughed, Mark coughing

uncontrollably at his own lame joke.

The boys stood up and exited the bedroom, hop-

ing to avoid Vallesa. They didn't want her to thwart

their much needed planning session. The clock was

ticking and they needed to come up with something

expeditiously. They lucked out. While not being able

to avoid her, she didn't much care what they were up

to as she seemed to be consumed by whatever was

playing on the television. That fucking bag sitting

right next to her.

They cut through the spare bedroom and out the

sliding glass door leading to the patio. The lawn, they

noticed, was in desperate need of a mowing. While

the boys often did maintenance on the front yard,

**71**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

they never once bothered to touch the back; the evi-

dence of which was painfully obvious.

"Jesus Christ," Daniel said, "I feel like _Honey, I_

_Shrunk the Kids_ out here."

"Yeah," Brad agreed, adding, "we really slacked

off in the backyard, huh?" They walked to the patio

furniture and took a seat. "Be careful, Danny, there

might be scarrrrry, scary spiders."

"I hate you."

"Okay, boys. Here's what we need to figure out,"

Jake said. "We need to, A: Figure out how to get Mark

and all of his stuff out of the house without his

twenty-four hour surveillance seeing. And B: Get

that bag of drugs from Val or Mitchell. Any ideas?"

"We could drug her," Daniel proposed.

"Yeah, that's a great idea. Too bad cruel irony

gets in our way. We need drugs to drug a girl to get

drugs that could be used to drug the girl who has the

drugs."

"Huh?"

"Forget it. Unless you know of a roofy-guy,

which, unfortunately, I do not. Sorry boys, I'm not up

on the date-rape scene."

**72**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Yeah, good point."

Brad perked up. "You could knock her out!" He

accompanied his awful idea with a stern fist into his

palm, complete with punching sound effects. It got a

mild chuckle from the crowd.

"And you would feel comfortable hitting a

woman?"

"Oh, I didn't say I was going to do it. I said YOU

could do it."

"Not happening. Any other ideas?"

A sly smirk formed on Daniel's face.

"What?" Brad asked.

"I have an idea. It's terrible and awful and will

probably sentence us to an eternity in hell but-"

"I'm listening," Brad said, him and Jake both

leaning in closer to hear the plan.

"Okay, well, what if Jake, ya know, hits on her?"

A collected "What?" came from his audience.

**73**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Hear me out, hear me out. Look, she's obviously

got the hots for him. There is beer in the fridge. All

Jake has to do is grab two and sit down next to her,

offering her one. If she refuses, Jake, just work your

magic. We can do it later in her shift and can tell her

Mark is asleep anyway and won't be up until long

after her shift ends. Get a few beers in her then whisk

her away to the spare bedroom. Chances are pretty

good she'll leave that bag behind."

"You want me to have sex with her?!"

"No, no. You don't have to have sex with her, just

make out with her a little, just to keep her distracted.

We'll have everything packed and ready to go and as

soon as you make your move, we run everything out

to the van, pack Mark up, and wait for you."

"How the hell do you expect me to get out of

there?"

"I don't know. Make a run for it."

"Dude, why me?"

"Because she obviously digs you."

"Why can't you or Brad do it?"

"Dude," Brad said, "I'm married. Sorry."

**74**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Flimsy fucking excuse. She's fat, dude. I

don't want to bone a fat chick."

"Come on, man, we all know you've had worse."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't make me bring up that water polo player

from college."

"Dude, that was a secret!"

"I know, and I didn't tell it to anyway. Simply

stating a fact that you have had worse. A lot worse."

Brad joined in, "Bitch looked like a fuckin' line-

backer. Her shoulders were wider than all three of us

standing next to each other. And the legs on her,

good lord! She should have been named _Thightanic_."

Daniel laughed hard, adding, " _Thighscraper_."

"Shut up, assholes. I was drunk."

"Bullshit!" Brad called, "You were not drunk! We

were with you when you met her!"

"God damn it. Oh well, I guess we've all got to

pay the fat tax at one time or another."

**75**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"I don't even understand how a normal man

could sleep with such a _Thigh-ranosaurus Rex_ like

that."

"Fuck off. And I don't call my underpants Home

of the Whopper for nothing. Punks." The boys dis-

solved into uncontrollable laughter, before Jake

eventually added, "Oh! You were right about one

thing, though. This is definitely going to earn us a

one way ticket straight to hell. What if she calls the

cops when she realizes what happened?"

"I'm sure she will. We've got to hightail it out of

the shit-hole state as soon as possible."

"Oh god, dude, I feel sick to my stomach."

"Take one for the team, bro."

"I really, really hate you guys."

"It's having a few beers and making out with a

girl. Who cares, man? It's for your friend."

He breathed a heavy sigh and slumped his

shoulders, "Yeah, I know."

The boys sat on the patio as the sun drew down-

ward and the night began to commence, while form-

ing out the kinks in their plan. It was a horrible plan,

they agreed, but a plan that would hopefully work.

**76**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

They didn't have the time to think of a better one. The

snap in the air was getting worse and they were un-

der-dressed. They decided to end their meeting and

walked back inside, Brad setting the track lock on the

sliding door, then out the front door to head home.

They agreed the plan would take place tomorrow

evening and that they would write Vallesa a note ex-

plaining everything after the deed was done, telling

her this was Mark's last wish. His big shebang. His

last hoorah.

**77**

****

It was a beautiful day,

the sun beat down

I had the radio on,

I was drivin'

Trees flew by,

me and Del were singin' little Runaway

I was flyin'

Yeah runnin' down a dream

That never would come to me

Workin' on a mystery,

goin' wherever it leads

Runnin' down a dream

I felt so good

like anything was possible

I hit cruise control

and rubbed my eyes

The last three days

the rain was un-stoppable

It was always cold, no sunshine

Yeah runnin' down a dream

That never would come to me

Workin' on a mystery,

goin' wherever it leads

Runnin' down a dream

I rolled on as the sky grew dark

I put the pedal down

to make some time

There's something good

waitin' down this road

I'm pickin' up whatever's mine

THE LOST AND FOUND

**T** he boys went home that night and packed eve-

rything they thought they would need. None of them

got much rest.

The following day they met back at Mark's

house, giving him a vague overview of the plan,

simply saying Jake would distract Val while Daniel

and Brad smuggled him out to the van. He was weak,

though. His fentanyl patch had worn off in the night,

requiring Mitchell to give him a dosage of morphine

to get him back to sleep. When he awoke, a new patch

was applied. Its effects had yet to kick in and Mark

felt sick to his stomach and was ready to call off the

whole plan and just die right here and now, in his

bed. He was too feeble to argue, though, so he simply

laid back, allowing fate to take over. Whatever hap-

pens, happens, he thought before drifting back into

hallowed darkness.

When Mark awoke, their plan would begin.

They all stayed in the bedroom to give Vallesa the

impression Mark was awake. Every fifteen minutes

or so one of them would walk in to the living room

and assure her everything was fine. Two hours after

he fell asleep it was time for Jake to put forth his part

of the mission. He casually strolled out of the bed-

room and made his way to the fridge, a pit the size of

a softball in his stomach. He wanted to throw up but

he played it cool, grabbing two cold beers from the

fridge and strutted back towards Vallesa on the sofa,

**79**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

sitting down next to her. The bag was in arm's reach,

but it didn't matter. He twisted the cap off the first

beer and handed it to a mildly shocked-looking Val.

"I can't drink a beer. I'm on duty."

"So what? Who's going to know? Mark just fell

asleep. He's out like a light. He won't be up until long

after your shift ends." He extended the beer further

in her direction, all but forcing her to take it. She did.

He twisted off the next cap and held the bottle up to

her. "Cheers."

"Cheers." Her face was bright red again. Jake had

put his hand on her leg.

They sat there flirting the whole time. When

both their beers were depleted, Jake got up to retrieve

more.

"Where are you going?"

"Just, ya know, going to the fridge, get a few

more."

"Ya know what?" she asked. "I'm uncomfortable

out here. You maybe want to go in the other bedroom

and watch TV?"

"What? Um. Really?"

**80**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Yeah, we can stretch out, don't have to be

cramped here on the sofa."

"Um, yeah." His voice grew louder, "I WOULD

LOVE TO GO IN THE BEDROOM WITH YOU."

"Shh, silly."

"Oh, my bad."

Brad and Daniel heard the cue and gently tried to

wake Mark up. He stirred a bit and finally opened his

eyes, Brad saying, "It's time, buddy."

Jake was slightly taken aback when Val grabbed

his hand and led him to the back bedroom, closing

and locking the door behind them. It wasn't until he

sat on the bed that he noticed she had brought that

fucking bag with her. Goddamn it, he thought. That

fucking bag!

She set it on the dresser in front of the bed then

made her way back to where Jake was sitting. She

reached out and grabbed the collar of his T-shirt,

pulling upwards and forcing him to his feet. She

forcefully grabbed his belt, tugging him close and

undoing it. Jake was pretty sure he objected but

couldn't be positive. He wasn't sure if the words ac-

tually exited his mouth or somehow became trapped

between his throat and teeth. She undid his belt and

pulled his shorts and underwear off so hard the front

**81**
****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

button popped off and ended up God-knows-where.

She pushed him backwards on to the bed, his legs

comically flailing up and over his entire body. When

the stars cleared from his eyes he saw Val standing at

the foot of the bed, her scrub bottoms missing. Oh

God, he thought. Oh God no! She climbed on the bed

and straddled him with her Honey-Baked-Ham

thighs. Jake thought he could feel his ribs cracking

like twigs under the massive pressure of the husky

woman perched atop him.

Jake tried to sit up but was helpless against her.

She sensed his struggle and placed her right hand on

his chest, holding him still. "You're going to get it

now, big stud."

Outside the closed door, Brad and Daniel

sneaked past holding all the luggage and quietly,

carefully, took it outside to the van. When they came

back they searched the living room for the medicine

bag. It was nowhere to be found.

"Fuck bro, you don't think she took it in there

with her, do you?" Daniel asked.

"Dude, I do think that. God damn it. Do we wait

to see if Jake grabs it or do we risk trying to get it

ourselves?" Brad fished a folded up piece of paper

from his wallet and flattened it on the table next to

him; Val's note, in plain sight for her.

**82**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"We've got to risk getting it ourselves. If Jake

doesn't grab it, that's it, we're fucked."

"Shit. Okay, I'll peek inside. First, let's get Mark

loaded up and get that motor running in case we

have to make a mad dash." They walked back into

the bedroom and unfolded Mark's wheelchair. "Okay

dude, we're going to pick you up. You ready?" Mark

nodded his head and the two boys bent over and

lifted him from his bed and gently set him down in

the wheel chair. They pushed him to the door and

told him to watch his hands, it was going to be a tight

squeeze through the door jamb.

"Where's Jake?"

"He's uh, entertaining Val." Daniel answered.

"Holy shit. You don't mean...?"

"No," Brad assured him. "He's just keeping her

occupied. Maybe they're making out a little, but

that's it."

They reached the car and, after a few more wise-

cracks about the ride from Mark, got him comforta-

bly seated with his wheelchair stowed behind him.

"Good news, guys. That fen patch is kicking in fi-

nally."

**83**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Great," Brad said, taking his phone from his

pocket and typing a text to Jake, asking if he would

be able to get the bag and still make a clean getaway.

Two minutes passed with no response. He would

have to get it himself. "Danny, get the car started. In

fact, pull it out of the driveway and back it in, just in

case we need a speedy getaway. Keep the door open,

too. I'm going in." He tossed the keys to Daniel and

turned to continue his quest. He heard Mark's faint

voice behind him, telling him good luck.

Brad cut through the house and went straight

into the backyard jungle. He needed to peek in

through the glass door to, first, locate the bag, and

second, see if the bag was easily attainable without

getting busted. He had no luck, though. The curtains

were drawn. He gently tugged on the door handle,

trying to slide it open a crack. When it wouldn't

budge, he remembered setting the lock the previous

night. He went back inside.

Outside the closed door, he held his ear close to

listen. He heard moans. He couldn't believe it. His

heart beating at a rapid pace as he fished a dime from

his pocket and used it to easily unlock the door. Then

he slowly turned the doorknob, hoping he went un-

heard, and pushed the door open just to squeeze

through then quickly got down to his knees. The side

wall of the closet was currently providing cover for

him, but once free of its confines there would be

nothing between him and Val. He located the bag,

**84**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

sitting on the dresser straight ahead. He wearily

stuck his head around the corner, a deadening feel-

ing forming in his intestines. He clenched his teeth at

the optical agony. Val was on her back, legs wrapped

tightly around Jake's back. Thrusting. Oh dear lord,

the thrusting! Brad held back the urge to vomit and

run away in terror, calling off the whole plan. He

thought about poor Mark, waiting in the van and

knew he had to press on.

His eyes were locked on Jake's disgusting, hairy

ass. God damn, he thought, it looks like a squirrel has

taken up residence in his ass crack! Look away, Brad.

God, why won't you look away?! He closed his eyes

tightly, bringing his auditory senses more keen to the

moist slap-slap-slapping sounds filling the room. A

gag caught in his throat, forcing his eyes open. There

were no lesser of two evils.

He forced his eyes closed again, stuck his right

index finger into his right ear and crawled out on his

knees into unprotected territory, unnoticed. He

reached the dresser and raised his left hand up, feel-

ing around for the bag. When he had a hold of it he

quickly stole it from its perch and crawled swiftly

back out the door. Once free, he scrambled to his feet

and ran through the house, busting through the front

door and towards the van, laughing so hard it was

difficult to find breath.

**85**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

While Brad told his story, Jake was inside finish-

ing up. He collapsed on top of Val then rolled off.

"Holy shit," he said, as they both laid there for a

while, breathing heavily and covered in sweat.

"Welp, I guess I better get going. You're on birth con-

trol, right?" He made an attempt to sit up but was

pulled back down by Val's hand on his shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Ya know, it's getting late, and my friends are

out there, and-"

Val focused on the spot her bag should have

been occupying. Her eyes narrowed and her face

turned red. "Where's my bag?"

"Your what?"

"My fucking black bag with your friend's medi-

cine in it?"

"How should I know? I've been busy, remember,

pressure washing the ol' quiver bone? Takin' you on

a tour of the Hostess factory... It's probably in the liv-

ing room where you left it."

She sat up and skootched her fat ass over to the

foot of the bed and got to her feet. "Bullshit!" She

turned to face him. "I set it right here. Where the fuck

is it?!"

**86**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"I've been in here the whole goddamn time. Re-

member. There's some proof right there...and there.

Let me go out and ask the guys if they've seen it."

"Oh no, Loverboy, you're not going anywhere."

She made her way to the door, cracking it open and

peeking out. Jake used this time to get off the bed.

"Let me just go ask." He was standing with his

back to the sliding glass door. Nonchalantly, over the

curtain, he reached behind his back for the door han-

dle, hoping to slide it open and make a run for it

while she was preoccupied. It was locked. Fuck!

Val stuck her head out the door and yelled out,

"Hey guys, can you come here for a second. It's im-

portant." There was no answer. She tried again, this

time louder. If they were in the house, they were sure

to hear. "Guys, come quick, it's an emergency!" Jake

just stood there, buck naked, trying to hold in his

bowels from a nervous expulsion. He took a few

steps towards her. "You stay right there," she barked!

"I'm just going to get my pants. Shit." He made a

few more steps in her direction before she slammed

the door and locked it. She turned her hellish, pissed

off face towards him. Oh fuck, he thought. I'm dead.

"I don't like this at all. I'm calling the hospital.

You stay right there." She bent down slowly and

**87**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

pulled her wadded up scrub pants towards her,

blocking Jake's escape the whole time. She pulled her

phone from the scrub pocket and attempted to dial.

Jake leaped forward and slapped the phone from her

hand, sending it sliding under the bed. Val's face shot

up in shock, eyes wide, mouth open in disbelief be-

fore quickly returning back to angry.

"Oh fuck oh fuck," Jake said, panicking. In the

split second when Val was deciding whether to pick

the phone back up or ring Jake's scrawny little neck,

Jake turned and sprinted towards the sliding glass

door, crashing through it and sending him sliding

face first onto the patio floor entangled in curtains,

glass sticking in him. Thank God for those curtains,

he thought and he tried desperately to get to his feet.

He didn't even look back to see where she was, he

just found his footing and ran as fast as his bloody

feet could take him.

Outside in the van, all eyes were on the front

door, waiting anxiously for Jake to emerge. Their at-

tention was drawn from the front door to the side

gate.

"Was that glass?" Mark asked.

They didn't even have time to answer when they

saw Jake hoisting himself up and over the locked,

wooden gate, as naked as the day he was born, and

come blazing towards them, bare feet crushing the

**88**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

left over snow beneath them and leaving slight pink

blotches in the wake while his dick bounced up and

down like Rocky's speed bag in a training montage.

**89**

****

I,

I could be anything

But for the fault that I've acquired on my way

We

We were the end of it

But now we see the sun shining in our face

We see the sun shining in our face

So come on, come on we can be saved

The lives we live, the wars we wage

When everyone just tells us how to feel

We're sleeping at the wheel

And I

I would give anything

But for the grace of God I'm here and still aware

We know the end is overrated

We've became the walls we raise

We don't believe enough but we still cared

Standing on the edge without a prayer

So come on, come on it's all we got

Our hands are full, our lives are not

The loose affiliation with the real

We're sleeping at the wheel

All of the time we've lost

All of the love we gave

And now these hands are tied

I can't help thinking

That I was in the days I was losing my place

I was screaming out at everything

Waiting for the walls to come down

Before my moment starts of fade

But everything that's perfect falls away

So come on, come on we can be saved

The lives we live, the wars we wage

When everyone just tells us how to feel

We're sleeping at the wheel

We're sleeping at the wheel

Just sleeping at the wheel

THE LOST AND FOUND

**"G** o, go, go, go!" Jake was yelling as he barreled

towards the van. Daniel, still in the driver's seat, put

the car in drive and slowly began descending the

driveway. As soon as Jake jumped in the opened

door and slid it closed, Daniel punched the gas leav-

ing streaks of laid rubber and a thick haze of dust in

their wake as the tires gained their grip on the icy

ground below, speeding past Brad's parent's house,

remembering to give his horn a little hello-honk

which had been his custom since the day he first got

his driver's license.

Brad turned in his seat to face Jake. "Dude! What

the fuck?!"

"Fuckin' chick raped me, dude! I was powerless!

I had to crash through the fucking glass door to es-

cape!"

"Jesus Christ," Daniel said, "somebody give him

a goddamn blanket or something! He's assing up the

seat! And bleeding!" Jake had one hand covering his

crotch and the other hand gripping the armrest as he

leaned forward and tried to catch his breath. Mark

was having a coughing fit of laughter.

"Rape, my ass," Brad said. "I saw you in there,

big stud."

"I hate you."

**91**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Home of the Whopper, my ass, too."

"Fuck off! I'm a grower not a shower! Besides,

I'm sure you caught a glimpse of the goods in full

working order, back there. Don't lie."

Mark, through his painful coughs of hysterics,

said, "I swear to God if I died right now I would go a

happy man."

Daniel turned a corner, pulling onto his parent's

street and put the van in park. He got out and went

around the back, opening up the rear hatch. He

opened up one of the suitcases and retrieved a blan-

ket, tossing it at the back of Jake's head. "Please.

Please, bro, cover that shit up." Jake took the blanket

from his head and wrapped it around him.

"We've got to stop somewhere so I can change."

"It's cool," Brad said, "we'll go to my house. Jen

and Cari want to say bye..." He stopped himself from

saying 'to Mark' and instead added, rather foolishly,

"to all of us, ya know."

Mark, still trying to settle his cough, said, "Good.

I'd really like to see them, too."

"Shit dude," Jake said, "not only am I bleeding, I

have splinters in my feet from that stupid gate." Dan-

**92**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

iel returned to the driver's seat and they took off to-

wards Brad's house, Jake complaining the whole

time as he picked little shards of wood from his toes.

When they pulled in to Brad's driveway, Jake

slid the door open and got out, making sure the blan-

ket concealed all, and went to the back to retrieve his

suitcase. Brad got out of the car and told Jake to stay

there for a second, he would go inside and tell the

girls to come out then he could sneak in and get

dressed.

Brad returned shortly, Carolyn in his arms and

Jeni walking beside him. Jen leaned into the open

side door, making a crack about the guy's sweet ride.

"It was all they had," Daniel assured her.

"It's cool. I won't judge," she said, smiling. "How

are you feeling, Mark?"

"Never better," he coughed.

"Where is Jake?"

"Oh," Brad answered, "he had to run inside. He

had a little accident and had to change clothes."

"Oh god, he didn't already ruin the rental car did

he?"

**93**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"No, no. No big deal. He just, ya know, spilled

something."

"Yeah, his seed," Daniel added, under his breath.

"What?" Jeni asked.

"Nothin'."

Jeni narrowed her eyes and inhaled. "Why does

the car already smell like rank pussy?" Her remark

caused Mark to cough even harder and Daniel had to

turn away to hide his smile. "Please remember to

shower on this trip. If you stinky bastards have al-

ready funked up the car after one day, I can't imagine

what it's going to be like in a few weeks."

"We will, baby. I promise, it's just, ya

know...dudes." Brad said as he set Carolyn on her

feet inside the van. She slowly and unsteadily hob-

bled towards Mark. "Give Uncle Mark a big hug,

okay. You won't see him for at least a couple of

weeks. Uncle Danny, too." Jake came walking back to

the car, fully clothed with suitcase in tow.

"Hey, there are my girls."

"Hi Jacob. Heard you had an accident."

"Oh, it was no accident; your husband and these

other two assholes made me fu-"

**94**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Brad quickly snapped bolt upright, interrupting

with, "Spill your drink. You're right. It was kinda my

fault. No harm no foul, though. All is well." Jeni gave

him a weird look then turned back to Jake.

"Yep, they made me spill by drink. Lousy jerks."

Inside the van, Mark held on to his god daugh-

ter, knowing full well this would be the last time he

ever got the chance. He was careful not to cough on

her and was struggling to fight back his tears. Car-

olyn, with an adorably large smile on her face, show-

ing off her two teeth, leaned in and gave Mark a small

peck on the left side of his lips. The dam had broken

and tears flooded his eyes spilling up and over on to

his face and on to Carolyn. She remained clung to

him.

"Come on, Carolyn, Daddy has to go," Brad said,

reaching in to get her. Mark released his grip on her

and told him that he loved her and always would.

Brad lifted her up and held her in front of Daniel.

"Give Uncle Danny kisses." She leaned in just as be-

fore, planting one on Daniel's chin. Brad scooted back

and out of the car, passing her off to Jake and return-

ing his attention to his wife. "We've really got to go,

babe."

"I know. Please be safe." Jake said his goodbye to

Carolyn, passed her to Jeni and got in his seat. Jeni

**95**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

leaned in, "You boys behave yourselves, you hear

me." A collected Yes Ma'am came from the van. "I

want to see all of you back here safe and sound in a

few weeks, you understand?" Her eyes were getting

misty, she knew all-to-well the whole reasoning be-

hind the trip, but she couldn't help but pray for a mir-

acle. It was silly, she knew, but she was grasping at

straws. Mark had become like a brother to her, it was

hard to say goodbye.

"We will," Mark said, still wiping the moisture

from his cheeks and attempting to blink back more

tears.

"We love you guys," she said, sliding the door

closed.

Brad lowered his window and stuck his head

out, whispering to Jeni, "If uh, anyone happens to

come around asking you anything about us, you

don't know anything, okay. Just say, I dunno, we

were going down to Orlando, taking him to Disney-

world or something.

"Oh lord, what did you do?"

"Nothing. I promise. Just in case, ya know. I love

you two."

"We love you."

**96**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

The boys backed out the driveway and watched

Jeni and Carolyn wave to them as they began their

journey. Mark honked twice as they drove off into

the dusk.

Jeni stood there a few minutes more, crying.

The boys turned on to Leavenworth Street and

eventually merged onto Interstate-80, heading west

towards Lincoln. They had no real plan, no reserva-

tions, just a desire to show their friend a good time

and get him to Santa Monica.

Brad turned to face the backseat, "You comfort-

able back there, buddy?"

"Yeah, I'm doing okay. Do you think we can get

some drinks though? That coughing fit and stupid

morphine really messed up my throat."

"Absolutely, there is an ice chest in back but the

drinks are warm or we can stop at a gas station or

drive through."

"Gas station, please. I want some ice to chew on."

"Sounds good, we'll get ice for the chest, too.

Danny, that cool?"

"Sure, I'll pull off at the next exit."

**97**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Jesus, Jake, blood is soaking through your shirt!

Why did you wear a white shirt?!"

"Dude, I don't know, I wasn't thinking." He

looked down and discovered that indeed, his shirt

was beginning to be soiled by tiny flecks of crimson.

"Oh well."

"Yeah, oh well. Your new name is Maxi."

"I hate you. Hate you all."

Daniel pulled off two miles later into a small

town that was barely even visible from the interstate.

He stopped at a Sinclair filling station. He and Brad

got out of the van and asked Mark and Jake what

they wanted. Mark wanted apple juice with a large

cup of ice, Jake wanted a Red Bull and a large Dr.

Pepper.

They returned less than five minutes later, both

loaded down with drinks and various unhealthy

snacks. Daniel said he would continue to drive as he

reclaimed his seat behind the wheel. He looked in the

rear-view mirror and adjusted it to see Mark's face.

He looked tired. "So Marcus, where to?"

"I don't care, man. I'm getting tired." He took a

mouthful of ice and chomped down on it. It tasted

good. Ever since his cancer got worse his taste buds

seemed to grow more susceptible. Food he used to

**98**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

love he could no longer stomach, and even some-

thing as simple as ice would often negatively-affect

his palate, forcing him to endure every particle of shit

that had been domiciliate in the water before freez-

ing. His ice cubes at home had to be made in a tray

with either Aquafina or Smart Water. Those tasted

the best to him.

"I know. I'm wide awake though, we can go

where ever you want and you can sleep."

"What's on the way to the beach?"

"Beats me, man. Thirty-three years old and the

farthest I've travelled from home was fucking Joplin,

Missouri."

"Topeka Kansas for me," Brad said.

"I've got you all beat," Jake said. "Bozeman Mon-

tana! Land of the Future! If by future you mean meth

labs."

"I've never even been out of Nebraska," Mark

said softly. "Thirty-three years old and I've never left

my home state. Pathetic."

"It's not pathetic. And that doesn't even matter

anymore, bro" Daniel said. "We're on the road,

headed out of this shit hole. Anywhere you want to

go. You just tell me."

**99**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Well," Mark said, his eyelids growing heavy as

his body was nearing sleep, "I've kinda always

wanted to see Mount Rushmore." His eyes closed

and his body went slack.

Brad turned to Daniel and then to Jake, "Mount

Rushmore?"

Jake shrugged his shoulder, Daniel said, "Sure.

Pull it up on GPS."

The trip was said to take nearly ten hours. They

could be there by morning. Daniel put the van in re-

verse, exited the parking lot and merged back on the

I-80, through Lincoln, then on to the 26 cutting

through nearly the entire length of Nebraska and

onto the 385 North towards Rapid City. While they

had an iPod and auxiliary cord with them, they chose

the radio. They picked up random stations as they

passed through towns, some songs making them

rolls their eyes with awfulness, others making them

giggle with guilty pleasure or nostalgia, all-the-while

keeping the volume low. The novelty wore off soon

enough when the station seemed to get a little boy-

band heavy and Brad plugged in his iPod and started

the mix he had made especially for their road trip.

Talk about nostalgia, Brad thought. This ought to

blow them away with its awesomeness.

**100**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Brad pressed play, sending his Class-of-1997

Play-list from his iPod through the speakers. Quietly,

they began to laugh when they caught on to what

Brad had done. The first song out of the gate was

Lullaby by Shawn Mullins. Jake and Daniel both

rolled their eyes but neither offered up any sort of

objections.

"Hope you guys like this. I actually stayed up

quite late putting this together."

"Shitty tunes from the nineties?" Jake asked

"Come on, man. Tell me this song alone doesn't

whisk you back to a much more simpler time."

"Oh, I wasn't complaining." Jake responded,

with a cheesy grin sprawled across his face.

"What else do you have on here?" Daniel asked.

"Oh, just wait and see, man. Just wait and see."

"Mark is going to love this shit," Jake said.

"I know."

"Gentlemen," Daniel said. "We may just have

some fun on this trip."

**101**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Mark continued to sleep, coughing occasionally,

but still seeming at peace as the minivan tore through

the night. He wasn't missing much, though, aside

from the nostalgic tunes coursing through the speak-

ers. The scenery never seemed to change, just noth-

ingness concealed in darkness. It wasn't until that

moment the three boys truly realized just how boring

their state was. With Mark sitting next to them, along

on this trip for nothing more than to bear witness to

one simple thing that millions of people take for

granted before his life is unjustly cut short, each of

them are lost in thought with various renditions of

the same question; Have I wasted my life? This was

their time for redemption. For a lifetime of stag-

nancy. Their time was now.

_Everything is gonna be all right, Rockabye_

_._

**102**

****

__

If I leave here tomorrow

Would you still remember me?

For I must be traveling on, now

'Cause there's too many places I've got to see

But, if I stayed here with you, girl

Things just couldn't be the same

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now

And this bird you can not change

And this bird you can not change

And this bird you can not change

Lord knows, I can't change

Bye, bye, baby it's been a sweet love

Though this feeling I can't change

But please don't take it so badly

'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame

But, if I stayed here with you girl

Things just couldn't be the same

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now

And this bird you can not change

And the bird you can not change

And this bird you can not change

Lord knows, I can't change

Lord help me, I can't change

Lord I can't change

Won't you fly, free bird, yeah

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**T** wenty-five miles from the monument, accord-

ing to the GPS, Mark began coughing severely and

woke himself up, meeting instant pain. He tried to

bring his legs up to his chest but barely got half way

before dropping them back down and trying to roll

on his side. He was moaning in agony and began

mumbling something none of the boys could make

out. Jake placed his hand on Mark's arm and re-

minded him they were all there and asked him what

he needed. His question went ignored.

_I said maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me._

_And after all..._

Brad, who had taken over driving duty just be-

fore crossing the state line, turned the stereo off and

looked in the backseat at his friend. "Shit dude, hold

on buddy. We're pulling over at the next exit. Just

hang in there for a few more minutes." Mark contin-

ued mumbling to himself. Jake thought he heard the

word Mom, but couldn't be sure.

The van exited at the next off-ramp and the boys

found themselves in a town roughly the size of a

shoebox with a giant billboard advertising a place

called Wall Drug . There was a Motel 6, though, and

that was good enough. Brad tore into the parking lot,

stopping directly in front of the office. "Keep him

calm, I'll be right back." He opened his door and

hopped out, engine still running, and made his way

briskly into the office, slamming his hand down on

**104**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

the bell to get the worker's attention. He paid for two

rooms with an adjoining door, grabbed the set of

keys and dashed back to the van and pulled it into a

spot directly in front of their quarters. The sun was

just beginning to rise. All three able-bodied boys

sprang from their seats and exited the van. Brad

tossed Daniel the keys, "Rooms 106 and 107. Get the

door open and the bed ready. We'll be right there."

Daniel nodded and ran towards the room. Brad

leaned in the car, "Hang in there, dude, we're going

to get you some medicine and a nice bed. Sound

good?" Only moans answered.

"Dude, should we wheelchair it or just carry

him?" Jake asked.

"Umm. Shit. Dude? Wheelchair or you want us

to carry you?" Still no audible response. "Fuck it, let's

carry him. Be careful though." Jake got in the van and

stood hunched over behind Mark's chair. Brad took

up post at his feet. "Okay dude, on three, careful.

Ready?"

"I'm ready. Marcus, you ready?"

"One...two...three." The two of them slowly and

cautiously lifted Mark up and out of his chair as Jake

walked around and took the full burden of Mark's

weight. As Mark, in Jake's arms, made their way to

the motel room, Brad grabbed the medical bag,

closed the door and followed directly behind them.

**105**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Daniel was standing by the bed and had the co-

vers all turned down to welcome its guest. Jake gen-

tly laid him down. Brad had the medicine bag on the

counter, opened and was rummaging through it,

pulling out all its contents and setting them in a row.

"Shit, Mark, what do you take?"

"He's not going to answer, bro" Daniel said. "He

needs the Oxy. I've seen him take that shit when he

wakes up like this. It's the Oxy, I'm sure of it."

Brad grabbed the bottle and spilled out two pills

into his palm. "Hand me that notepad on the dresser,

Jacob." Jake grabbed it and tossed to him. Brad

ripped off a sheet and put the two pills on top. He

screwed the lid back on the bottle then smashed it

down on the pills, over and over, until they were bro-

ken into several pieces, then began to grind up the

pebbles by pushing down hard on the bottle and

spinning it back and forth. When the pills were suc-

cessfully transformed into powder he rolled the pa-

per up and passed it to Jake. "Careful dude, that'll

make it dissolve fast. Try to dump most of it under

his tongue if you can."

Jake held the paper over Marks mouth. "Daniel,

open his mouth for me, try to keep it still." He rolled

the paper tighter making the dispersing hole smaller

while Daniel gently held Mark's mouth open. Jake

waited for the right moment and when Mark's

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tongue shot up towards the roof of his mouth, he

quickly poured the ground up Oxy under it. "Shit,

where's his juice?"

"God damn it! I left it in the van." Brad bolted out

the door and returned a few moments later with the

mostly full bottle of apple juice from the gas station

so many hours ago. "Can he swallow?"

Daniel looked up, "I have no idea. We never got

around to asking him exactly what to do. We fucked

up."

"Yeah, I'll say we fucked up. Look." Brad nodded

towards Mark whose body began to loosen and be-

come still. He eyes and mouth both shut slowly and

within seconds he had slipped peacefully back into

his sleep.

Brad, Daniel and Jake collapsed onto themselves in

equal parts relief and sheer terror. "Fuck me," Daniel

said.

"Okay guys, from now on, we are better pre-

pared," Brad said. "No more incidents like this one.

We need to have everything on hand and we need to

have the back seats of the van folded down with a

blanket and pillow at all times. We got lucky this

time, but God knows when it will happen again."

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"Agreed," Jake said. "When he wakes up we

have to get him to drink something though."

"He had that ice in the car," Daniel said, "so at

least he has something in him. I don't think he's peed

either. We'll have to handle all that shit when he

wakes up, I guess." Jakes face noticeably showed gri-

mace. "Bro, you knew it was going to be difficult."

"I know. No worries. We can handle this."

Brad rubbed his eyes with his palms, heart still

thumping in his chest. "Anyone mind if we get a little

sleep now?"

"Absolutely not," Jake said.

"I got us adjoining rooms, we'll just leave the

door open, that way we can all listen for Mark."

"You guys get some sleep," Daniel said. "There's

a little gas station across the street. I'm going to go

get a few drinks and hopefully some yogurt or some-

thing for Mark when he wakes up."

"I'll go with you, dude. That's a good idea."

"I'll stay here with him," Brad said, plopping

down on the room's second bed. "Get Gatorade, too.

He likes the red one." Daniel nodded and he and Jake

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exited the room, the sun showing itself fully now.

Both boys squinted as their eyes met the day.

They returned to the room to find Mark still rest-

ing peacefully and Brad laying half on his bed with

his legs dangling off. "Brad, you awake?" Daniel

asked.

"Yeah, I'm up," he said, wrestling himself into a

seated position.

"We got some snacks and stuff, bro, and a bag of

ice."

"Cool," Brad said, getting to his feet. "I'll run out

to the van and get the ice chest. I need a phone

charger, too. I'm at like eight percent." He stood up

and grabbed the keys from the table and walked out-

side and Daniel was emptying the bags from the gas

station. Jake walked outside to help with the luggage.

"I need my charger, too. And a change of

clothes."

"Dude, what you need is a shower. You still stink

of Val-gina."

"Ugh dude, don't remind me."

Brad opened the back hatch of the minivan,

grabbed the ice chest set it on the pavement and

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drained the water from it. He then loaded up as

many bags as he could, hanging them on his shoul-

der. Jake took the two bigger suitcases with wheels

and closed the door. They hauled everything back in

to the room and unloaded. Daniel opened the bag of

ice and dumped it in, putting a few drinks inside and

four Yoplait yogurts.

"Alright guys, it's not fancy," Daniel said, "but

we've got some delicious Hostess donuts, fresh as the

Prince, I'm sure. Some Ding-Dongs, some delicious

and oh-so-healthy Twinkies and some orange juice."

"Donuts," Brad said as he was promptly tossed a

package.

"I'll take the Ding-Dong," Jake said, grabbing

them from the table. "I haven't had one of these

things in years, man. Seriously, like at least ten." He

opened the package and took a huge bite, consuming

more than half of the crème-filled cake with a single

chomp. "Oh God, they're just as good as I remember."

The boys giggled a bit as they each ate their se-

lected breakfast and drank their juice. "So, what's the

plan, guys?" Brad asked.

"No idea, bro," Daniel said. "I say we just stay

here for the day, let him rest, and when he feels up to

it we continue on towards Mt. Rushmore. There was

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a diner behind the gas station so when we wake up

we can get dinner or lunch or whatever."

"That's fine with me," Jake said.

"Me too. We really need to figure out his medi-

cine situation though. We need to figure out exactly

what he has and what he needs and when he needs

it. Today freaked me out, man, and I don't want to be

caught in that situation again."

"None of us do, dude," Jake said. "I'm pretty sure

each of his prescriptions has the dosage and all that

shit on it. We can figure it out. Plus, we always have

the magic of the internet to help guide us."

Brad stood up again and picked up the pill bot-

tles one at a time. "Hey, here ya go, Danny-boy." He

tossed Daniel a bottle. Medical marijuana.

"Ha! Dude, let's save this for later."

"Whose phone has a charge? Mine is deader than

Yahoo Serious' movie career."

Daniel fished his iPhone from his pocket, "I've

got plenty. What do you need?"

"Here, we need to look up these drugs. We can't

mess this up."

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"Dude, maybe we should have put a little more

thought into this trip before just taking off," Jake said.

"Yeah, well in hindsight, you are correct. But we

didn't have time and the opportunity came up. I

swear to God though, if he gets bad I'm calling off the

whole trip and taking him to the closest hospital."

The boys each slowly nodded. "Okay, Danny, pull up

Google and type in these drugs, see what it gives us.

Ready?"

"Ready."

"Okay, the first one we know, Oxycontin. Skip

that." He picked up the next bottle. "Okay, this one

is...Meth-o-tri-me...Forget it. I'll just spell M-E-T-H-

O-T-R-I-M-E-P-R-A-Z-I-N-E."

Daniel punched the letters into his phone and

clicked on the first article Google offered. "Okay, it

looks like that one is used forrrr... Delirium? Wait,

yeah, it says like for mood changes, hallucinations,

confusion or memory loss." Brad sat at the table and

wrote down Methortimeprazine and its use. "What's

next?"

Brad grabbed the next bottle. "This one looks to

just be a high-dosage of ibuprofen." The next bottle

was the morphine. "This is the one I'm worried about.

I really have no idea what it does. Shit, the only thing

I know about morphine is from that movie The Crow

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when Brandon Lee squeezes it out of that beat-up

woman's arm and says MORPHINE IS BAD." The

three of them shared a laugh. "Seriously, dude, ever

since then I've been like Okay, Crow says morphine

is bad, good enough for me, I'm never touching the

shit."

Daniel smiled and looked down at his phone,

continuing the research. "This says that not only can

the morphine help the pain and allow the patient to

sleep, it also helps if he gets shortness of breath. So,

that's good to know. Does it say dosages on the bot-

tles?"

"Yeah, we're set there. I hope. Next up is, shit,

um, Bendzodia...Ugh! B-E-N-Z-O-D-I-A-Z-E-P-I-N-

E. Who comes up with these goddamn names?"

"Okay, Ben-zo-die-zap-een, I guess, is used to

manage anxiety."

"Shit," Jake said, "let's all pop a few of those."

"Don't tempt me, bro."

"Hey, here is Oxycodone. Anyone know the dif-

ference between this and the other?"

"Nope. I'll look it up." Brad stretched in his chair,

his back was hurting and his legs felt cramped. He

was exhausted, as was everyone else in the cramped

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motel room. "It just says for pain. I guess it's pretty

much the same thing."

"Okay, the only other stuff are a few fen patches

and the medi-Mary, and, um, Ambien. That's just for

sleep, though."

"Should we put another one of those patches on

him now?" Jake asked. "He said they took a while to

work, remember?"

"He's already got one, remember? They take a

while to kick in. Ugh! Let's just wait for the Oxy to

settle a bit. I don't want to load him up on a drug

cocktail already. Christ, he's already had one O.D.

this week."

"Okay, how 'bout this idea then? Sleep! Pass me

one of those Benzo-Fuckitalls to knock my ass out."

"Preach on, Brother Jacob." Each of them retired

to their beds and swiftly drifted off.

***

Mark began stirring about five hours later and

Brad, in his state of half-conscious, half-lucid, wea-

rily sat up to make sure everything was okay. "You

alright, dude?"

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Mark continued fidgeting in his sheets before his

eyelids finally unsealed and Brad came slowly into

focus. He tried to talk but his mouth was too arid to

produce words. He tongue felt intumescent and his

throat felt as if he had swallowed gravel. He tried

speaking again but only cacophonous sounds es-

caped him to which Brad could not understand.

"Hold on, Buddy, we have water." He twisted

the lid on one of the bottles from the ice chest and

inserted a straw, holding it close to Mark's dry,

cracked lips. He took two successful swallows but

choked on the third. He waited a few seconds for his

mouth to regain its requisite moisture.

"Where are my parents?" he asked in a harsh,

raspy voice. "Where am I?"

Brad was momentarily addlepated and didn't

know how to respond. He figured Mark had awoken

mid-dream and was still caught between chimera

and reality. "You're parents aren't here, dude. This is

Brad. Your best friend. We're somewhere in South

Dakota. Remember? We're going to see Mt. Rush-

more today at your request. Remember?"

Daniel had wandered in from the other room,

"What's wrong?"

"Not sure. He doesn't know where he is and he

just asked for his parents."

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"Aw, hell."

"Yeah. Mark, look. It's Danny. You remember

us."

His eyes closed then opened again as his brain

pushed the reverie away and he began to realize his

situation. "Yeah. Yeah I know."

"You okay, bro?"

"Yeah. I'm-" He coughed a loud, dry cough then

reached for his water. Brad held it up to his lips as he

took a few more sips. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

"What can we get you?" Brad asked. "We have

some yogurt, you want some of that?"

"Nah. Not hungry."

"Come on, man, you've got to eat something.

Don't make us hold you down and shove this crap

down your throat. We'll do it."

"As tempting as that sounds, maybe I'll have a

few bites."

"Now you're talkin'." Brad got up and retrieved

a yogurt from the ice chest and a plastic-wrapped

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spoon taken from the gas station. He sat down on the

bed and fed Mark a few spoonfuls.

"This isn't as erotic as I had hoped," Mark joked.

"Yeah well, just wait, after this, the three of us

are stripping you naked and throwing you in the

bathtub. How's that for erotic?"

"Fine, but no making fun of Mr. Johnson. My

blood is way too busy trying to keep me alive and

doesn't have time to just be hanging out in the love-

handle making it look good. Its current appearance

absolutely does not properly reflect its normalcy. So,

ya know, no jokes." He coughed up a laugh causing

Brad to flinch backwards and avoid any yogurt spit-

tle that may be headed in his direction.

Daniel stood on the side laughing the whole

time. "Man, this is quite the trip," he said. "Already

two penis appearances. Who's next, B, me or you?"

"Oh man, I guess we'll just have to see."

Jake yelled from the other room, "Everything

okay?"

"Yeah, bro, everything is fine."

"Cool, I'll be right there."

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Brad checked the time on his phone and thought

it would be safe to give Mark a few ibuprofens. He

unscrewed the cap and dumped two out into his

palm. "Here dude, swallow these. We'll give you a

bath then slap a fresh Fen patch on ya. The one you

have is proving to be quite the dud."

"Cool." He opened his mouth and swallowed the

pills. "I think I have to pee, too."

"Well you can do that in the bathtub."

"Pee in the bathtub? Really?"

"Yeah dude, everyone does it. That's what the

bubble bath is for. Duh."

Mark looked shocked and mildly grossed out.

He turned to Daniel to side with him. No help there.

Daniel shook his head in approval.

"Yeah bro, that's the whole fun of taking baths."

Mark closed his eyes and shook his head

slightly. "Well, we shall see, I guess. Are we hittin'

the mountain today?"

"I don't know," Brad said, "it's already four

o'clock, I think we should just take it easy here and

let you get as much rest as possible. We can hit it first

thing in the morning. That way we can spend as

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much time up there as you want. When you get tired,

we can continue the drive or find another motel.

Whatever you feel up to." He turned to look and Dan-

iel. "What do you think?"

"That's a good idea. We can walk down and go

get some food and bring it back, have a nice romantic

dinner for four in this lovely Motel 6 room."

Jake walked in and joined the rest of his friends,

"Dude, is it bad that I'm still tired?"

"Dude, we're all tired," Brad answered. "We're

going to give Mark a bath then head down the street

and find some food to bring back. Just hang out here

for the night, hit Mt. Rushmore in the morning."

"Sounds good to me. Want me to go start the wa-

ter?" Jake asked, nodding to the bathroom.

"Yeah. Lots of piss-cleanse, don't forget."

Brad, Mark and Daniel laughed while Jake

looked around at each of them, completely befud-

dled. "Oh!" He said excitedly, finally getting it. "Bub-

ble bath! Ha, I getcha."

Jake readied the bath water as Daniel and Brad

helped Mark to his feet. "Can you walk okay?" Jake

asked.

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"Yeah. I think I'll be okay. Just help me out."

"No sweat."

With one arm around Brad's shoulders and one

arm around Daniel's, Mark slowly made his walk to

the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat. They re-

moved his shirt and carefully removed his sweat-

pants, Daniel holding on to him so he wouldn't lose

his balance.

"Oh man, you look like an uncircumcised baby,"

Jake cracked.

"Funny, asshole. Like I told them, my blood is a

little busy at the moment. Now do you see why I was-

n't too thrilled with the Stadium Pal idea?"

"It's cool man, that's what mine ended up look-

ing like that time it popped off and I pissed myself."

"Actually," Brad said, "ya know when mine gets

like that? When I'm sick. I call it Sick Dick. I guess

you're right, your blood just has more important

things to do than hang out in the mine-shaft."

The four boys shared a hearty laugh then ever-

so-carefully lifted Mark into the warm water. This

was the first time Daniel had really noticed just how

brittle and wispy his friend's body was. It worried

him immensely.

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Being picked up was always excruciatingly

painful for Mark but he tried to play it off as much as

he could. The warm water soaked his frail body and

warmed his insides. He closed his eyes and felt his

tension release.

"So what's the deal, here?" Brad asked. "You

want us to wash you sensually or what?"

"Such a jackass, I swear. Actually, I'm fine just

soaking for a while. I don't want to front load all your

excitement for this trip. We'll save some stuff for later

on."

The three boys stayed crowded in the tiny bath-

room the whole time Mark was enjoying his soak,

making cracks at each other's expenses and laughing

profusely. For those twenty-or-so minutes, locked in

the steamy bathroom together, they had forgotten

what this trip was really all about and allowed them-

selves to be consumed in the moment.

When bath time was over, they removed Mark

from the tub and slowly got him into some clean pa-

jamas and back into bed. Brad put a new Fen patch

on Mark's inner right forearm while Daniel brought

his bottle of water to him and gave him another sip.

Jake flipped on the television and began looking for

something to watch on one of the motel's limited

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channels. Brad and Daniel agreed to go for a walk

and pick up food.

When they stepped outside, they realized that

they were under-dressed. The temperature had

dipped to ridiculous lows. They went back inside the

motel and got the keys for the van so they could re-

trieve their sweatshirts, then began their walk.

When they hit the corner, Daniel finally spoke

up. "I didn't realize he was so light."

"What?"

"Mark, bro. He weighed practically nothing."

"I know, dude."

Brad began to step into the street but Daniel

reached out and stopped him. "I'm serious, bro. I am

scared shitless. I mean, I kinda knew what was going

to happen on this trip but I don't think it fully sunk

in until tonight. He's not getting better."

"I know he's not. That's the whole point, remem-

ber?"

"I know, I know." Daniel's face had grown sullen

and pale. "I just. I mean, dude, four of us are taking

this trip but only three of us are going to be returning.

I don't think I can-"

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"YOU don't think you can what, Daniel?"

"I don't know if I can do this. It's only going to

get worse, I can't be around when he gets-"

Anger rose up and flushed Brad's face bright

red. "Oh fuck you, Daniel! YOU don't think you can

handle this? Really?! You have to fucking make this

about YOU again?"

"Bro, that's not-"

"Shut the fuck up, man! I know you're scared,

fuck dude, we all are. I'm scared shitless! I'm so afraid

one of us is going to fuck up and that's going to be

the end of him. We didn't fucking think this through.

Our intentions were good but they were selfish. I feel

like shit about it, I'm sure we all do. But we can't go

back now. We go back now all of us get arrested and

Mark dies alone in the fucking hospital. That's just

how it is."

"It's just too painful to sit back and watch him

get-"

"Look dude, here's the deal. We all fucked up. I

realize that and even if I'm not okay with it, I have to

deal with it. I know it's going to be hard to watch him

suffer and eventually go, but I'm going to have to put

my big-boy pants on and take the responsibility of

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making sure he goes peacefully. So are you! So fuck

you for making this about you! You've always been

so goddamn selfish! Never giving a shit about any-

one but yourself."

Daniel reached out and put his hand on Brad's

shoulder in an attempt to calm him. Brad forcefully

swatted it off. "Get your fucking hands off me, man.

Why don't you grow up a bit and realize that the

world doesn't revolve around one Daniel Molina!"

Brad turned to resume walking.

"I'm not selfish, man!"

Brad stopped mid-step and turned to face his

friend again. "You're not selfish?!"

"No. I'm not."

"Where's your fucking daughter, Daniel? In fact,

what's your daughter's name?!"

Daniel stood there, stone-faced and stunned. He

wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or attack his friend.

He just stood.

"Yeah. That's what I thought, Daniel. Everything

is about you. YOU left your girlfriend during the

most difficult time of her life because, what, she hurt

your feelings? You couldn't deal with some mood

swings? Well, guess what, man, if you every plan on

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being with another woman again, you better get used

to them, because that is what women do. Every one

of them. And then, even worse, you left a child, a to-

tal innocent little baby to live her life fatherless be-

cause, once again, it's all about you. And you have

the sack to stand there and tell me you're not selfish.

Fuck you."

"Fuck this, man. I'm going back to the room."

"Adios." Brad began crossing the street and Dan-

iel walked in the opposite direction. Fifty paces later

he stopped in his tracks, took a deep breath, turned

and ran back towards Brad.

"Wait up."

Brad stopped and waited for Daniel to ap-

proach. They walked in silence together until finding

a restaurant.

They returned to the room with bags full of

Styrofoam containers. "Oh shit," Jake said.

"Styrofoam equals healthy! What'd ya get?"

"Burgers. Fries. The usual shit you order at a dis-

gusting small-town diner," Daniel said. "Marcus, we

got you a grilled cheese and some fries. Not the

healthiest but it would make me the happiest cat in

the litterbox if you tried to take down a few bites." He

nodded.

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"Stopped at the gas station, too. Got some more

water, the world's most expensive six-pack of New-

castle and some Rockstars, Monsters and Red Bulls

for the morning."

"Oh great," Jake said, "toss me a Newky."

The boys sat on the two queen-size beds, eating

their burgers, Mark nibbling on his grilled cheese,

and watching some ridiculously bad movie on Life-

time. They had done nothing today but were still ex-

hausted.

Mark eventually drifted off to sleep and Brad,

Jake and Daniel agreed to be up and ready to go by

the time he woke up. Tomorrow was going to be a

big day and they needed to plan for enough time to

take it slowly.

When the killer in the terrible movie was finally

caught, the boys decided to call it a night, each retir-

ing to their respected bed.

In the morning, before Mark had even awoken,

the three of them got up and get ready for the day.

They showered (Jake taking the longest due to all the

dried, crusted blood on his body) dressed and got all

packed up. They would need to move all the luggage

to the top of the car, like true tourists, if they were to

make a bed in the back for Mark. That would have to

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wait until later in the day, when they could buy some

rope to secure everything.

When Mark finally awoke, Jake and Brad lifted

him and set him on the toilet. He barely had a trickle.

Soon after, they were ready to go, back on the free-

way headed north towards Keystone.

_Every day I wake up, I hope I'm dreaming, I can't_

_believe this shit, Can't believe you ain't here. Sometimes_

_it's just hard for a nigga to wake up..._

"I'm sorry," Mark said, "but are we listening to

Puff Daddy; I'll Be Missing You?"

"We sure are, buddy!" Brad said, enthusiasti-

cally.

"Brad made us a killer mix of shit from high

school and college," Jake said, sharing Brad's enthu-

siasm. "It's been great."

"Sounds like it. I can't believe Puff Daddy or

Puffy or Pee-Hole, or whatever the hell his name is

now, is famous. He's terrible."

"Oh man," Jake said, "he couldn't be any worse

than Biggie! That fat fuck rapped like he was eating

a sandwich and tripping over his bottom lip."

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The interior of the van was flooded with laugh-

ter.

"Oh man," Daniel finally said, choking out his

giggles, "at least Biggie rapped. All Puffy does is talk

or say _Uh Huh_."

"Shit dude," Brad said, "How badass would it

have been if Puff Daddy and Timbaland teamed up

for a song? They could have called it _Uh Huh. Yeah._

_Say What?"_

Everyone laughed.

"I smell a number one hit!" Mark said. "They

could have just used the Magnum P.I. theme song or

the A-Team one or something and just said that shit

over and over and sold millions!"

Right around the time _Sunny_ was coming home,

via the stereo speakers, the GPS informed them they

were close.

"You think the people who do these GPS voices

are like, all fat and ugly and shit?" Jake asked. The

question was well received with laughter.

When Mark stopped coughing, he answered,

"Probably. Just like radio DJs. If they were decent

looking, they wouldn't be on the radio."

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"Still, I'd like to see what she looks like. Ya never

know, maybe she's some sexy little thing who came

over from London and is trying to make it as an ac-

tress and just waiting for her big break. She could be

desperate for work, ya know, and do anything for

this gig."

Brad turned around in his seat to face them.

"Dude, you are over-thinking this way too much.

Now shut up about it or I'm going to change the voice

to the dude. Enjoy the scenery."

The Soccer Van wove through the beautiful

Black Hills and the four boys' faces stared out the

windows in awe. None of them had been this close to

mountains before. Something so simple that is taken

for granted by so many people filled the van with

wonder and amazement. They passed another bill-

board for Wall Drug.

When they finally arrived at Mount Rushmore,

it was absolutely nothing as they imagined. All four

of them assumed it was something you could drive

by, stop, if you wanted, and take a gander. That was

not it at all. On top of having to pay to park, the land-

mark was not visible from anywhere, as far as they

could tell. They bit the bullet and paid the eight

bucks and parked in a handicap spot up front, to

which there seemed to be plenty. They didn't have

the official handicap placard, but they risked it any-

way in the hopes that nobody would notice.

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They loaded Mark into the wheelchair and

pushed him up the handicap accessible ramp next to

the massive entrance into the park. Once the passed

through the colossal concrete arch they entered the

mandatory gift shop, selling such high-caliber items

as plastic Rushmore paperweights, horribly tacky t-

shirts and much other worthless shit old people need

to remember things by.

They exited the shop empty handed and made

their way out back, the sun already making their eye-

lids recoil in terror. "I never understood how the sun

could be shining and it could still be this goddamn

cold," Daniel said.

"How ya feel, Mark?" Brad asked.

"I'm okay, fen patch is working and I've got my

blanket here," he said as he tucked his arms tightly

into it. The four of them marched on amongst a sea

of pastel-clad tourists clutching their cameras, shar-

ing boring stories or bickering at each other, until the

majestic dynamite-carved monument imposed over

them, enveloping each of them in a sense of awe they

hadn't felt in quite some time. They remained per-

fectly still staring up at the grandiose sight. In one

day they went from having never seen a mountain to

standing in front of one of the country's largest land-

marks. The only thing close to a landmark in Ne-

braska is Carhenge; a grotesquely tacky replica of the

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world famous Stonehenge made of broken down

cars.

People stood all around them, snapping photo-

graphs and taking home videos. The boys had cam-

eras on their phones, but none of them felt the need

to use them. They wouldn't need photographic re-

minders of this trip.

"Okay," Jake finally said, breaking the group's si-

lence, "so you've got Washington and Lincoln. Any-

one know the other two?"

"Yeah. Two honkies," Brad answered with

laughter.

An old man in a bright, baby-blue polo shirt, tan

pants, sneakers and a camera hanging from his neck

turned to the boys and said, "Good lord, that is

Thomas Jefferson and Theodore Roosevelt! How

about you kids take a little stop at the bookstore on

your way out and learn a thing or two?"

"Hey, Gramps," Mark said, looking up at him

from his wheelchair, "proving how evil the gods of

fate are, I am going to be dying before you, and I

know the rule is to respect one's elders, but seeing as,

judging strictly by time left on earth, I am your elder,

you can listen to me for a change and piss off." The

boys started laughing uncontrollably as the grumpy

old man mumbled something and stormed off.

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Around them, hundreds of brightly-clothed

tourists breathed in the chilly day's air, guts hanging

over their belts, cameras pressed against their faces,

capturing the moment for remembrance once they

return to their dull lives.

"Look at all these fat assholes," Daniel said, his

eyes wandering from one overweight tourist to the

next.

"And what is with all the cameras?" Mark asked.

"God, they're too busy looking through their lenses

that they're not even bothering to look with their

eyes."

"That's the way it always is," Brad said.

"I know," Mark said, "and it's sad. All these peo-

ple relying on a cheap piece of plastic to capture their

memories when they should be sitting back and en-

joying everything with their senses. No camera will

ever capture the beauty of things more vividly than

your brain. A camera can't capture the smell of the

mountains or the cool breeze on your face. It's a

shame. I wish more people would slow down and

pay attention. I wish I could slow down and pay

more attention."

"Nobody pays attention to shit, these days."

Brad said. "Everyone is too goddamn busy with their

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stupid cellphones that they're convinced they need at

all times."

"I know," Jake said, "Some dumb broad almost

crashed into me the other day on the way to work

because she was looking straight down at her phone

texting. She never even saw me. I swear to God, cell-

phones are going to be the death of us all."

"You're right," Brad said. "Look around, every-

one is hunched over staring at those goddamn

things. They all look like Mr. Burns with the big

hunchback." He began laughing at his own thought,

"You know that picture of evolution that starts with

the little monkey then goes to the ape, then goes to

like a caveman and then a normal human? The next

guy is going to be some asshole staring down at his

phone, then back to caveman, then an ape, then a

monkey again."

Through laughter, Jake added, "Then God will

be like, 'Meh, maybe the dinosaurs weren't as stupid

as I thought. Maybe I'll give them another crack at it.'

The gang all continued to laugh, until, eventu-

ally the chuckling died down into silence.

They stood there quietly and just watched the

unmoving monument. Taking it all in. "Hey, Danny,"

Mark said, "you still have your pocketknife?"

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"Always, man. What's up?"

"Let's carve our names into the railing back

there. Let 'em know where we here."

They smiled. "Right on," Daniel said, fishing his

knife from his pocket and handing it off to Mark.

They slowly began walking backwards towards the

railing then took turns, nonchalantly, carving their

names, Jake adding the phrase _Were Here_ after all the

names had become a permanent fixture.

They stayed for a while longer then eventually

decided it was time to go. They exited through the

gift shop, of course, and Mark had another idea.

"Let's all buy cheesy t-shirts. Every stop we make let's

buy a shirt and wear them at the next stop."

"Wow bro," Daniel said, "that sounds like a ter-

rible idea. Let's do it." The four of them picked out

matching shirts, white with the monument blazon

across the chest and the words MT. RUSHMORE

SOUTH DAKOTA displayed in bold letters below.

They were shirts that should have been ridiculously

cheap but ended up costing the boys more than a

hundred dollars for the quartet.

They made their way back to the parking lot, got

Mark loaded in and comfortable, then left. The day

was still young. "Where to now?" Daniel asked.

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"I don't know," Mark said. "That was pretty im-

pressive. It really makes ya think. Like, what the hell

am I going to leave behind when I'm gone? Ya know

what; let's stick to things that don't make me feel so

insignificant."

"Ohhhh shit," Brad said, his face buried in a state

map he picked up from the motel. "Have I got just the

place for you!"

"Where?"

"Oh, it's a surprise."

Daniel pulled over as Brad leaned in and

pointed to a location on the map. It was close, less

than forty miles away and easy to reach. "Right on."

In the backseat, Jake felt left out. The van pulled

back out into the road and began traveling east, past

yet another Wall Drug billboard. This one advertis-

ing Free Ice Water. An hour later they were passing

under a sign made of fake dinosaur bones that read

WELCOME TO BEDROCK. Have a Yabba Dabba

Doo Time!

"Shut. Up." Jake said, his eyes locked on the sign

the whole time, following it up and over the car

through the moon roof and behind them as they en-

tered.

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"Oh, it gets better, dude. There is a theme park."

Brad began to sing a song he, somehow, remembered

from the cartoon.

" _There's a town I know where the hipsters go called_

_Bedrock. Twist Twist_!"

"I think it's actually _Twitch_ , not _Twist,_ " Jake said. __

"Who cares? Let's find a place to stay first," Dan-

iel said, ignoring Brad and his terrible vocal abilities

and the debate about the stupid lyrics. The town was

pretty baron, resembling just about any other small

town one would expect to find in the middle of South

Dakota. They located the so-called theme park on the

right hand side of the street and decided to pull in to

the Bedrock Inn across the street. "Oh, I think we

pretty much HAVE to stay here."

Brad hopped out, saying he'd handle it, and ran

inside to reserve the rooms. As luck would have it,

there was vacancy. They got the same set-up as be-

fore. Once inside the rooms, the boys were slightly

chagrined to discover they looked just like any other

crappy motel room in any other crappy town.

Getting Mark from the van and into bed proved

to be much easier this time than the previous. Brad

had been keeping close tabs on exactly when Mark

should take more medicine. In fact, he could take

some ibuprofen soon, then get some rest.

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"We're going to get some rope and tie all the lug-

gage to the top of the van so you can have all the

room in the back, okay dude?" Brad smiled a cheesy

grin.

"Just when I thought our ride couldn't look any

worse," Mark said in a soft tone, obviously exhausted

from the morning's minor activities.

"Get some rest, dude. Whenever you're feeling

up to it, we can walk over to the theme park. I have a

feeling if anything would make you feel less inade-

quate it would be this shitbarn of a town. If you're

hungry, maybe we can score some Pterodactyl eggs

or a Brontosaurus burger...or maybe some ribs that

will destroy our van."

He gave a slight smile and mumbled his thanks

before drifting off.

"Welp," Jake said, "I've got to take a leak. Excuse

me, boys."

"Thanks for the heads up, man."

"Hey, it's what I do."

While Jake retreated into the bathroom, Brad

and Daniel shared an awkward silence for a while.

Daniel finally broke it by flipping the TV on. From

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inside the bathroom they heard Jake yell, "God damn

it!" He emerged a few seconds later, his tan colored

pretty-boy Abercrombie pants had a dark streak of

moisture running down the entire left leg. "You'd

think with my thirty-plus years of pissing experience

I could at least take a successful leak! Look at me, I

pissed all over myself."

All three of them chuckled loudly, the laughter

chasing away all traces of the awkwardness that

came before it.

"What'd you do, dude?" Brad asked. "The early

tuck?"

"Yeah, ugh! The stupid early tuck!"

"That's dangerous, dude. You have to make sure

it's all out before you return it to its holster."

Daniel, still laughing, said, "It's cool. It's not like

you're first person to do that."

"You're not even the first person in the room to

do that. I actually do that all the time at work when

I'm wearing that stupid apron and have to push it

aside and I never even loosen my belt, so sometimes

some gets trapped and when I tuck it back in I end

up having to work the rest of the day with soiled un-

derpants." The laughter continued. "Just don't sit on

my bed, please."

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"Hardy har har. Give me the keys; I need to get

my bag so I can change." Brad picked them up and

tossed them to him.

"Hope there aren't any pretty girls out by the car

to see your piss leg."

"I hate you."

"You looooooove me."

Mark coughed and stirred in his bed. The boys

got silent. Daniel gave a nervous grin and put his in-

dex finger to his lips, the international sign of Shh.

They left the adjoining door open and went into

the other room to watch TV. Mark awoke two hours

later, saying he felt well enough to make the trek

across the street. It was late afternoon. They would

have time. Daniel and Jake helped him up and did

his toilet routine, while Brad fixed his friend a cup of

ice water. When everyone was ready, they journeyed

across the street.

The theme-park was even less than they thought

it would be. There were no rides, no mobs of people,

no lines. After entering through a rather large gift

shop that had pretty much every conceivable Flint-

stone related item for sale, you make your way out

back to a semi-charming recreation of the fictional

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town of Bedrock, complete with dinosaur slides, a

BBQ and the houses of the Flintstones and Rubbles.

It was pretty obvious to whom this theme park was

aimed, but the boys still enjoyed a nice dose of nos-

talgia.

Jake pushed Mark around the grounds as Daniel

and Brad followed closely behind, taking in their ab-

surd surroundings. A quick lap around the park was

enough to satisfy them. They exited through the gift

shop, picking up matching Bedrock shirts then

headed back out front.

"Who's hungry?" Jake asked.

Brad and Daniel raised their hands. Mark gave a

shoulder shrug, meh.

"How about some Pterodactyl wings or a Bron-

tosaurus burger?" Jake asked.

"So lame. Besides, I already made that joke. Let's

just order pizza to the motel."

"Even better."

The four of them returned to their rooms after

stopping by a vending machine to pick up some

more drinks for the evening. They were still plenty

stocked on Mark's water, but would need to get him

more ice as soon as possible. They ordered pizza

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THE LOST AND FOUND

from a place that ended up being less than a hundred

yards from the motel, Jake insisting on having his

own pizza topped with jalapenos with a side of hot

sauce for crust-dipping. Brad gladly obliged, since

spicy pizza didn't sound at all appetizing. Jake ended

up eating his entire large pizza, while Brad, Daniel

and Mark struggled to finish two mediums. Much to

their pleasure, Mark had managed to take down

nearly two full slices.

Brad set the medicine out on the table. Seeing as

the fen patch seemed to be working and Mark still

remained his normal self, he thought a high dosage

of ibuprofen would get them through the night. Jake

started the bathwater, getting it ready for Mark. Once

he swallowed the medicine the three of them helped

him up again, stripping him down and letting him

soak in the bathtub. Jake wet a washcloth and held

Mark's arms up one at a time to wash his pits. Jake

told him he was on his own with the rest of his body.

The comment earned another round of collective gig-

gles.

After the bath, they toweled him off and got him

into some clean clothes and back in to bed. On the

television, The Fugitive played. Mark was excited to

watch it. They all took a seat in the room.

Mark made it through the entire movie without

dosing off. He was happy about that. He began to

think that could be the last movie he ever watches.

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His happiness turned to a bitter sadness that he tried

to push aside. He had made peace with dying a while

ago, but silly, seemingly trivial things such as that

still managed to drag him down. His self-pity was in-

terrupted when Daniel abruptly stood up and said,

"Welp, as much fun as it has been being cooped up

with three dudes for God knows how many straight

hours, I am going to go hop in the shower and an-

swer the bone-a-phone!"

Mark coughed a laugh and the other two boys

seemed in shock from the sudden, drastic turn the

night had taken.

"Woah, dude," Jake said, fighting back laughter,

"that's a little more information that we need."

"Well, I feel it is vital information and I suggest

you all go take a shower and do the ol' knuckle shuf-

fle before our tempers flare up so bad we start argu-

ing about the most ridiculous shit you can think of.

Trust me, you'll thank me later. Now, if you'll excuse

me, gentlemen, I'm off to badger the witness."

"Impregnate that drain, buddy!" Mark coughed.

After the laughter halted and Daniel was in the

shower, the three boys remained quiet for a few mo-

ments, enjoying the silence. It was, however, inter-

rupted by a massive, moist tearing sound that echoed

through-out the room. The hearty laughter resumed.

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Oh shit, sorry guys," Jake said.

"Jesus Christ, man, you better go check your

drawers. That one didn't sound like it came alone."

"God," Mark said, "I'm already on borrowed

time, I don't need to die from a toxic gassing."

"Oh man, it stinks!"

"Oh shit guys, it really does. My apologies. Fuck-

ing jalapenos!" Passing gas was always a fairly regu-

lar occurrence between the tightly knit group of

friends. It was never anything to be embarrassed

about, in fact, it was always guaranteed to score a

cheap laugh. This time, though, Jake was pretty sure

he had made a deposit in his underpants. He shifted

nervously in his seat, confirming his suspicions. He

tried to play it off like everything was okay, but he

needed to remedy his problem without his friends

finding out. He was already the butt of the joke for

his earlier arrival at the van, butt naked and bleeding,

and all events prior, including the mention of a cer-

tain big-boned water polo player. In fact, the more he

thought of it, he was always the butt of the joke. He

couldn't deal with having to hear a bunch of Poop

Your Pants jokes.

He weighed his options. If he stood up too

quickly it would draw suspicion to the problem, but

if he waited too long, the scent threatened to give him

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away. And really, how long could he sit in his own

feces. He wasn't a baby in diapers, this was quite

gross. Those Depends would have come in quite

handy right about now, he thought.

Please don't be bad, please don't be bad, he

chanted to himself. The bathroom in the other room

was being occupied, he would need to use the one

directly behind him. Just great.

"I'm going to go wash my face and stuff, get

ready for bed." He stood up and made his way, walk-

ing backwards, to the bathroom. He locked the door

behind him and pulled down his pants and under-

wear. It was worse than he thought. There was no

saving this situation. He turned the water on to play

along with his story. He removed his shitty under-

pants and balled them up. He looked around the

bathroom; there was nowhere to hide them. He was

stuck. He sat on the toilet and cleaned up his mess

and put his pants back on, sans underwear. He held

his soiled drawers tightly in his hand, doing his best

to conceal them and walked out into the main room,

saying he needed to grab his pajamas.

He knelt down beside the bed where his suitcase

was, opened it up and pretended to dig around in-

side. With his right hand, he felt along under the bed.

He lucked out. There was a thin, felt-like lining along

the bottom of the bed frame. He used his fingernail

to scratch a small hole in it, then tore it open. He took

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THE LOST AND FOUND

his shitty balled-up shorts and put them in the hole

and threw them towards the foot of bed, where they

rested nicely, under the bed and completely out of

sight, probably never to be found. He was in the

clear. He grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and his

pajama pants and stood up. His stomach gurgled

loudly.

"Dude, was that your stomach?"

"Yeah, I guess. Maybe I'm still hungry."

"Ha! Order another pizza, homes."

"Nah, I'm okay. Imma go get changed." He

walked back in to the bathroom and put on his fresh

clothes. While washing his face, for real this time, his

bowels launched a top-secret, surprise attack once

more. He didn't even have time to clench his cheeks

together before they unloaded another round into his

pants. "Fuck me! Why?! Why now?" he whispered

softly to himself. He was going to be in the car for a

very long time tomorrow, he could NOT get the

squirts. He pulled his pants back off and repeated the

exact same routine, adding another pair of shitty

pants to the underside of the bed frame, this time us-

ing the excuse that he needed to his toothbrush. No

one seemed to catch on.

**145**

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As the night drew to a close and everyone

around him was asleep, Jake lay in bed, stomach gur-

gling, trying desperately to keep everything inside

him. Throughout the night, Brad kept waking up. An

overwhelming stench from under his bed would not

allow his body to rest comfortably. He got up a total

of three times that night; twice to check under the bed

for something dead, coming up empty both times,

and once to check Mark's pants to make sure there

wasn't a mess. He could not, for the life of him, figure

out what the stink was. It hadn't been there earlier in

the day, at least not that he had noticed. He resorted

to pulling the covers over his head and trying his best

to keep the putrid odor away from him.

***

Once again, Brad awoke to the painful murmurs

of Mark thrashing in his bed. He had been prepared

this time. He hopped up out of bed and went straight

to the medicine where he pulled the dropper from

the bottle of morphine and squirted a low-dosage un-

der Mark's tongue. He had known ahead of time

when the fen patch would cease being helpful and set

everything out. The morphine was not as strong as

the patch, at least that is what is seemed like, but it

would help Mark sleep and rest much easier. They

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THE LOST AND FOUND

had a long drive ahead of them and wanted him to

be as comfortable as possible.

He held a glass of water with a straw to Mark's

lips and was relieved to see him take large sips and

keep it down.

"Thank you," Mark told him, his voice sounding

the weakest Brad had ever heard it.

"You're welcome. I just gave you some mor-

phine, it will help you rest. Close your eyes, man,

we've got a long drive ahead of us when you wake

up. Okay?"

"Have you seen my parents?"

Oh fuck, Brad thought. Not this again. He could-

n't be sure if Mark was still half asleep and stuck in

his dream or if his memory was going. Or hallucinat-

ing. He didn't know what he should say. "Yeah, of

course I've seen them. Wonderful folks. Go to sleep,

buddy."

"Alright." He closed his eyes and drifted away.

Brad peeked through the blinds and saw that it

was dawn. He walked to the bed stand where his

phone was plugged into the wall outlet and checked

the time. It was past 8am. He glanced around the

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room, trying to find something; the source of the hor-

rid odor clouding up the motel room. It literally

smelled like someone rubbed poop on the walls. It

was intense and made his eyes water and his face

cringe. He couldn't wait to Yabba-dabba-doo the

fuck out of Bedrock.

He walked into the other room and woke Daniel

up. "Dude, wake up."

Daniel, still mostly asleep, mumbled something.

"I just gave Mark some morphine, so don't give

him anymore. I'm going to take the van and find

someplace that sells rope or bungee cords, or some-

thing, so we can tie our bags to the top of the car."

Jake rolled over and asked, "Where you going?"

"I'm going to get rope. I need to get out of that

room anyway. It smells like the paint is made from

horse shit and afterbirth."

Jake smiled and tried to conceal his giggle.

Daniel rubbed his eyes and sat up. "I'll go with

you. Let me put on some pants."

"Alright, cool. Jake, stay with Mark. I just gave

him morphine; please do not give him anymore. His

fen patch wore off."

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Alright, man. I'm on it."

Daniel stood up and changed out of his sweat-

pants, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt, then fol-

lowed Brad into the other room. "Holy Jesus crap,

what stinks?!"

"Dude, I have no idea. I think something died in

the walls or something. I have no idea. It kept me up

all night."

"I kept smelling stuff in my room but I just fig-

ured it was Jake farting. It wasn't this pungent,

though. This is unbearable."

"Yeah, dude. If it wasn't for Mark in here I would

have been cuddled up with you."

"Stupid Mark. Ruins everything. Come on, stud,

let's go."

Brad grabbed the keys off the table and they

walked out into the freezing dawn. "Where the hell

do we find rope?"

"Wall Drug?"

"Nice!"

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"Every town has a hardware store or like a Wal-

Mart or something. We'll just have to find one. Even

though here they're probably called Rock-Mart or

some stupid shit like that." The boys laughed, the

previous spat between them all but forgotten. A few

minutes later they came across a locally-owned hard-

ware store. They picked up plenty of rope and two

packages of bungees just in case. They were in and

out in less than five minutes.

"Want to stop for some caffeine?"

"I'd love to. May as well fill up the tank, too."

Brad pulled into a gas station and they picked

up a few Rockstars, a few Monsters and more water,

just in-case.

"You mind if we hang out here for a second,

drink our drinks?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah sure. What's up?"

"I've been thinking. About what you said."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. And I realize I am pretty selfish. You're

right. I don't want this conversation to turn all gay

and shit and I know we're not exactly the most

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THE LOST AND FOUND

touchy-feely group of friends the world has known,

but you were right. You've always been right."

"True, true."

"Fuck you," Daniel said, smiling. "Look, neither

of us are good with this shit, but you're right. I'm a

piece of shit and I need to get myself together. What

you said, about my daughter not having a father

broke my heart. I never gave it much thought before."

"So what are you going to do?"

"That's the thing. I really have no clue." He

popped the tab on his Rockstar and took a swig. Brad

did the same. "There is no way Aubrey is going to let

me see her. She probably won't even answer my call."

"Dude, there is only one way to know that for

sure. You have to at least try."

"I know. But now I'm all scared and shit. Is it

even worth it? Honestly...?"

"Dude, it is so worth it. In fact, it will probably

be the smartest decision you have ever or will ever

make."

"Yeah?"

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"You have no idea what it's like to have a child.

It's weird the way it works. You never can truly know

what it's like until you have one. You could hate chil-

dren with every fiber of your being, but as soon as

she pops out and you lay your eyes on her, from that

moment on, nothing else will ever matter as much to

you as she does. Jen and I didn't plan on having Car-

olyn...at least not when we did. We were going to

wait a while. I certainly wasn't in any rush to be tied

down with the anchor of parenthood, but it just sort

of happened. I was none-too-pleased at first, and that

kind of grew into being petrified at the thought of be-

ing a father. I couldn't sleep at night because of it. I

thought of all the ways I could fuck up this poor kid's

life.

"But the weeks turned into months and the baby

started growing and while I was still terrified, I be-

gan to get pretty excited. At the time I had wanted a

boy, ya know, to play baseball with and do all that

manly shit, but when the doctor told us it was a girl,

I'm not gonna lie, my eyes got little moisty-moist. For

reals. Like, I was going to have a little girl, man. It

was surreal. I had no idea what little girls liked. Shit,

I still have no idea. But, a girl. For me. I was so fuckin'

happy, dude. I never gave the thought of a boy again.

I was so happy for my future little girl.

"And, man, when she was born, and I saw the

doctor hold her up as she was crying for the very first

time, at that moment, I knew that no matter what I

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had done before in my life and no matter what I may

accomplish later in my life, I would never top her.

She's my masterpiece. Perfect in every single way.

Even in the hospital room with blood and god-

knows-what else covering her from head to toe, she

was the most beautiful thing I had ever set eyes on.

It seemed as though everything else in my life ceased

being important. My life had stopped even being rel-

evant. I felt as though my entire existence, the whole

reason I was placed on this planet, was to watch over

this little girl being placed into my arms."

"Yeah, she is pretty stinkin' cute."

"And seriously, man, it only gets better. Every

single day is like Christmas morning. Watching her

discover the world is the most rewarding thing I do.

Even if it's the smallest of things."

Daniel nodded, not having the slightest fucking

clue what to say.

"I'm still terrified. Every single, Goddamn day.

Not a minute goes by where she is not on my mind.

So many things can go wrong and you become

acutely aware of every single one of them. But, like I

said, it's the most rewarding thing life has to offer

you. No matter how shitty your day is and no matter

how down you are feeling, everything melts away

when you see how wonderfully she fits right into

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your arms. You could be mad at the world, but eve-

rything will seem so trivial once you feel her little

head rest on your shoulder.

"Time goes by and you watch them grow, every-

day conquering a new task that seems so minor to us

but is so epic to them. Like, rolling over, holding a

bottle, eating food that's not liquid, crawling, pulling

themselves up and eventually walking. Every day is

an adventure. Every day you hope for her to stay ex-

actly how she is right then, but secretly not being able

to wait and see what she accomplishes next. I imag-

ine what her first word will be every day, but at the

same time, I don't even really care, because she is per-

fect to me, as-is, right now. She gives me a reason to

live, a reason to get up every day and go to my shitty

dead-end job. No day is impossible to get through

when there is the possibility of coming home and see-

ing her smile at me. It cures everything. She makes

me want to be a better person."

Daniel gave him a small, knowing smile.

"So, ya know, I guess you asked me if I think it's

really worth it. My answer is that there is not a single

thing in the world too demanding or too demeaning

that you could be forced to do that would not make

it worth it. Find a way."

They sat there, on the hood of the van, silently

for a few minutes. Brad, about to cry from missing

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THE LOST AND FOUND

his daughter so much and Daniel, stunned by the an-

swer he received that he was not expecting. They sat

quietly and finished their drinks.

"Thanks, bro." Daniel said.

"Don't mention. Just do something about it."

"I will. Do you want to know what the last straw

was for me? Why I left?"

"If you want to tell me."

"Don't laugh. But, she totally hit me. Like, hard.

And on several occasions and for no real reason."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and I couldn't do shit about it. I just had

to stand there. I couldn't hit her back, or shove her

and even touch her. I was too scared I'd fuck up the

baby. So I left. I said fuck it, grabbed my shit and

never looked back."

"I'm sorry, man."

"Me too. Come on, let's get back."

"Alright. If you two do work it out, perhaps coun-

seling should be in your future." They jumped off the

hood and got into the van. "Danny?"

**155**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Yeah?"

"Her name is Marisol."

Daniel turned away and began to cry.

When they got back to the motel, Mark was still

sleeping and Jake was in the other room with the

door open watching television.

"We're back, dude," Brad said.

"Dude, it stinks soooo bad in your room. That's

why I'm in here," Jake said, trying desperately to play

it cool.

"Yeah, tell me about it. At least you didn't have

to sleep in there. We got some rope so we can tie our

stuff up top. Pack up and we'll get everything ready,

that way we can leave as soon as Mark feels up to it.

We have to cut through wonderful Wyoming next."

"Anything cool in Wyoming?" Daniel asked

"I don't think so. Maybe some ranches or shit.

Probably some cowboys."

"Oh," Jake said, "I think that Devil's thing is

there, ya know, the mashed potato thing from that

movie with the aliens."

**156**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Devil's Tower. That's right. And it's called Close

Encounters of the Third Kind. Get it right. Jesus."

Jake shrugged his shoulders, "Soooooo sorry.

Anyway, if it's on the way, we should swing by.

Might be cool."

"In all honesty, guys, I'm not sure about Mark.

He talked to me this morning and he sounded bad.

Like, the worst I've heard him. Maybe we should just

say fuck it and get him to Santa Monica as quickly as

possible. He's barely eaten, aside from that pizza,

he's barely drank anything, the pain meds can only

do so much...I don't know."

"I'm fine with whatever," Daniel said. "I say let

Mark make the call. Whatever will make him the

happiest and the most comfortable. I don't mind

driving through the night, we can switch off. Or, if he

would rather keep making stops to catch up on his

rest, that's fine with me."

"Okay," Brad said, "We'll load him up when he's

ready then discuss it on the drive. As for now, let's

get all our shit packed up and secured to the top of

the van. Keep all Mark's stuff out, though. We can

keep that in the van, just in case of emergencies."

"Good thinking. Okay, let's pack 'em up, boys."

**157**

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"We should complain about the smell in here,"

Brad said. "Seriously, it is mortifying. Good thing

Mark's senses are kinda out of whack, otherwise that

smell would have killed him. Maybe they can send

someone in to find the source."

"Nah," Jake said, quickly. "No point in that.

We're leaving soon, anyway, ya know. No point at 
all. We can just grin and bear, ya know."

Brad and Daniel gave him a weird look. Why in

the world would Jake not want the smell out? Oh

well. The boys packed up their things, refilled the ice

chest with the motel's ice machine and securely fas-

tened everything to the roof of the van. They went

back inside, watched TV, ate pre-packaged donuts

and waited for Mark to wake up.

When he finally awoke, his throat was so dry he

couldn't even make a sound. He heard the faint

sound of a television in the other room and assumed

everyone was in there as to not bother him. On his

nightstand he saw his water with a straw. He moved

slowly towards it, weakly grabbing the glass and

bringing it towards his mouth. After a few sips, he

set it back down and coughed. All three boys entered

the room when they heard him.

"Hey buddy, how ya feeling?" Jake asked.

"I'm tired. Where are we?"

**158**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"We're still in Bedrock but I think as soon as

you're ready we're going to drive into Wyoming."

"I think I need a bath."

"Okay," Brad said, "we can give you a bath. No

problem."

"I think I may have shit myself. Sorry guys."

"No, you didn't. That's just the wonderful aroma

of the Bedrock Inn. I checked you earlier, you're fine."

"You looked down my pants?"

"Damn right. Fuckin' room stinks to high-hell,

man."

"What a friend."

"What can I say? You up for some traveling?"

"I don't know. I'm really tired."

"Bro, you should see what we did with the van,"

Daniel said. "All the luggage except for yours is on

the roof and we stole all the pillows from here and

laid the back seat down. You have a nice bed back

there, now."

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"You stole all the pillows?"

"Yeah, fuck this place. We're ready when you

are. Just give us the word."

"Okay, thanks guys. Just let me lay here for a

while longer. I don't even have the strength to sit up,

right now."

"Take your time, dude, but don't dilly-dally,"

Jake said, "we're watching some terrible movie about

some stuttering royal prick or something. There is

absolutely nothing on."

"I've seen that. I'll try and hurry. I promise."

"Thanks."

"Let us know if you need anything," Brad said.

"You want more water or anything?"

"I'm okay."

"Okay, we'll just be right in there when ya need

us."

"Seriously though, what is that smell?"

"We have no idea. It showed up last night and

has only gotten more powerful."

**160**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Well, if anything is going to motivate me to

move, it'll be that."

Everyone laughed. The boys exited the room to

go back to their movie while Mark lay in bed. It was

the worst he had felt in a long time. Not so much the

pain, just the hollow, empty feeling inside him, like

all his inner-parts had eroded away and all he was

left with was bone and skin. The end was coming.

Soon. He could feel it. He didn't want to sit here and

waste away in this shitty, foul-smelling motel room.

He wanted to see the world. Reach the Pacific Ocean.

Or die trying.

He called out to the other room. When his

friends all came in, he wrenched himself up to a sit-

ting position. "Fuck it. Let's go."

"Right on," Daniel said, retrieving his pocket

knife from the night stand. "We can stop along the

way whenever you want. We figured, since it's on the

way, we could stop at Devil's Tower. It's two hours

or so from here. We can get some dinner there, and

depending how you're feeling, hang out for a while

or just gas up and hit the road again." He began to

dig the blade into the wood of the headboard.

"Sounds good. Can you guys help me up? I feel

like shit."

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"No problem. Do you need to go to the bath-

room?"

"I'll try." Daniel and Brad lifted him up and

helped him to the bathroom. Jake opened the bath-

room door and lifted the toilet seat. They placed him

down slowly upon it. "Pants?"

"Oh crap. Sorry."

Jake lifted him up slightly off the toilet seat as

Daniel grabbed at Mark's waistband and pulled his

pants down. Once he was returned to the toilet seat,

the boys left Mark in peace. Daniel went back to his

bed and continued carving. When he finished, he

flipped the blade closed and pocketed the knife. The

headboard now read; Mark, Daniel, Brad and Jake

Were Here...And It Stunk!

"We'll just be right outside, dude. Let us know

when ya need us," Jake said, staying close to the bath-

room door after shutting it gently.

Mark sat there, barely able to keep himself from

collapsing from his own weight, trying desperately

for anything to come out. He hadn't defecated in well

over a week and has only squeezed out a few drops

of piss at each bathroom break, and it was always

frighteningly dark. His body was shutting down.

**162**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

He continued to sit. To wait. He felt a tickle in-

side his belly. Suddenly his bowels lets loose with a

powerful squirt of what felt like liquid. The smell

was horrifying but the cramp in his stomach van-

ished. It was a nice feeling. He sat and waited for a

while longer, but nothing came. Soon, Jake opened

the door to check on him. "You okay, homes?"

"I'm okay. I just..." His voice trailed off and Jake

saw the sadness in his eyes.

"What's wrong," Jake asked as he made his way

fully into the bathroom and shut the door behind

him.

"I fucking hate this. I can't even wipe my own

ass."

"You went? Right on, man."

Mark's eyes began to well up. "The pizza. How

is it even possible to die with dignity when you have

to have someone wipe your ass for you? What the

fuck did I ever do to deserve this?"

"Stop, man. That's what we're here for. And from

as far as I can see, I'm the one who's throwing dignity

out the window when I wipe your stanky, brown

starfish."

**163**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

The joke got a smile from Mark, which was all

Jake was hoping to accomplish from it.

"Come on, brother, don't feel bad. You want to

talk about dignity? Can you keep a secret?"

"No."

"Ya know that smell out there? Dude, I shit my

pants twice last night. The jalapenos and the hot

sauce on the pizza went to war on my intestines.

Yeah, they did not agree with me. And instead of tell-

ing everyone, I hid my shitty underpants in the fabric

on the underside of Brad's bed. That's what's causing

the room to smell so goddamn bad. So, if you want

to talk about dignity, how's that?"

Mark managed to laugh at the absolute absurd-

ity of Jake's story. It made him feel better. The tears

went away and a smile was present upon his face.

"Okay, you win. That's disgusting. You may now

wipe my butthole."

"Oh boy!" Jake reached for the roll of toilet pa-

per, winding an obscene amount around his right

hand. Mark raised his arms and wrapped them

around Jake's neck, lifting himself slightly from the

toilet. Jake reached behind and got the job done. "Oh

lord, it's all wet and smells like rotten death."

**164**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Don't make me tell everyone about your under-

pants."

"Understood."

Outside the bathroom, Brad was just ending a

call with his wife and daughter. He let them know

exactly where they were and where they were

headed. So far, no one had come to talk to Jeni about

their disappearance. Brad doubted that would last

much longer. He knew nothing good would be wait-

ing for them when they returned home. He didn't

have time to think about that right now, though. He

told his family he loved them and missed them and

would see them soon. Christmas was fast approach-

ing and he would not miss it.

Jake opened the door and asked for help. Daniel

stood up and offered his assistance while Brad ended

his phone call. They pulled up Mark's pants and Dan-

iel, using the last of the baby-powder they brought

along, squirted the last puff down the inside front of

Mark's underwear. (The idea of baby-powdering a

man's lower region had been Jakes after one long,

warm afternoon in high school. He was constantly

complaining about his 'junk' being sticky with sweat

and his thighs being so dry they would chafe. The

next morning, after showering, he saw his dad's bot-

tle of foot powder sitting on the bathroom sink. He

figured, why the hell not, and applied a generous

amount on everything from his waist down to the

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

middle of his thighs. That afternoon was the most

comfortable in his life. The powder absorbed all the

moisture and left him feeling springtime fresh. And,

just like with masturbation when everyone assumes

they invented it when they first discover it, he passed

his great idea on to his friends who quickly took it

and none of them have turned back since. On cooler

days, he realized, regular baby powder would suf-

fice, but sometimes on those really warm days, he no-

ticed that Gold Bond Medicated powder added an

extra level of protection, along with giving a pleasant

little tingle on his coin purse.) Soon after, they had all

of Mark's stuff packed up and loaded in the car, with

Mark lying semi-comfortably in his makeshift bed in

the back of the van. They also needed to pick up a

few necessities along the way, like much more baby

powder. Mark suggested they stop at the infamous

Wall Drug for all their supplies. The gang cheerily

agreed. Where the hell is Wall Drug, indeed!

After ninety minutes of driving around lost, Jake

had to pee. Badly. "Dude, you guys have to stop. I'm

sorry but my eyeballs are floatin'."

"Dude, we are in the middle of nowhere," Daniel

said.

"Then just pull over. I'll pee on the side of the

road."

**166**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"There is no way I'm stopping here. First off all,

the road is icy and shit. I'm not going to pull over so

some asshole can skid into us and kill us all. Second

of all....I don't even know. But you can wait til we get

to stupid Wall Drug."

Brad turned around in his seat, removing the lid

from a large soda he had gotten from a drive thru the

other day. "Here man, piss into this cup."

"Dude, there is no way I can piss into that. It'll

over-flow."

"Dude, it's like a sixty-four ounce cup. All four

of us pissing into this thing wouldn't even fill it up."

"Well, you obviously don't know how badly I

have to go. I say I'll fill that whole thing up and it'll

start to spill over. Then what?"

"No way. Will never happen."

"I smell a bet," Daniel said. "I'll take the next off

ramp and we'll find a gas station. I bet you fifty dol-

lars you don't even come close to filling that cup up."

"Fifty bucks?"

"That's right, bitch. Fifty-bucks."

**167**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Since that is easy money for Daniel," Brad said,

"I'll give you a chance to get some back. I'll bet you

another fifty that the three of us can pee into it and

not fill it up. How you like them apples?"

"Dude, you guys are on. I've got so much piss in

me right now it is ridiculous. If I hold it in much

longer my bladder will explode. You assholes better

get your money ready."

From the back, in a soft, half asleep voice, Mark

said, "You'll never do it, dude."

"I'll prove you all wrong. Just wait!"

Eight miles later they came to a turn off and

stopped at a D&P Gas Station. Brad ran inside to get

the key for the bathroom and some triple-size Rock-

stars while Daniel and Jake made sure Mark was

okay. He was in and out of sleep, but said he was fine

for now. When Brad got back to the van, Jake told

Mark they would be right back. They locked the

doors and all three of them made their way to the

men's restroom, Jake proudly holding his cup. Once

inside, with the doors locked, Jake attempted to pee

into their Styrofoam toilet. "Come on, guys, I can't

pee with you both standing there watching me. Turn

around or something."

"Fine," Brad said.

**168**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"What a puss," Daniel said.

They stood there with their back to Jake for a good

thirty seconds before they finally heard the steady

stream of urine hitting the inner wall of the cup and

slowly pooling at the bottom. When the stream died

twice, they waited patiently for the mandatory third

shake. When it came, both boys turned around to see

Jake, his face flushed with disappointment.

"Shit man, it didn't even come close." He looked

down into the small pool of broken dreams, shocked.

It barely filled up two inches of the cup. He couldn't

believe it.

"Fifty bucks, beyotch!" Daniel said, palm out in

the gimme-gimme style.

"Hold on, hold on, it's not over yet," Jake pleaded.

"I still have a chance. You guys have to go now."

"Fine," Brad said, taking the cup and filling it up

another inch or so before passing it to Daniel. When

all was said and done, the cup was barely halfway

full.

"Well, God damn it all," Jake said, once again

looking down into the container of pee.

"Come on, man. Let's get-to-goin," Brad said.

**169**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Fine," Jake said as he closed the toilet seat and

displayed the cup prominently upon it before turn-

ing to walk out. When the door was open, an older

man in a Member's Only jacket was waiting outside

to get in. He gave the three exiting boys a look of par-

tial disgust and partial bewilderment before finally

entering and letting the door close behind him. The

boys stood outside for a moment. From inside they

heard the man yell, "Ahhh, God damn idiots!" The

boys busted up and ran back to the van in hysterics.

They fired up the ignition and returned to the

freeway headed towards the seemingly non-existent

town of Wall, South Dakota. An hour and several

wrong turns later, they finally spotted a sign: Wall

Drug, Straight Ahead 4 Blocks.

"Thank shit!" Jake exclaimed! "This goddamn

place better be amazing for all the time it cost us."

"Oh boy," Brad said. "A drug store. Just where I

want to be on vacation... Maybe after this we could

go visit a farm," he said looking at Daniel, then to

Jake, "or maybe a shitty steakhouse." They smiled

back at him.

Up ahead, the massive store came into view.

"This is a drug store?" Jake asked.

The building seemed to take up the entire block.

It had a western-themed motif going on, with all

**170**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

wood paneling and a giant sign reading WALL

DRUG STORE, SINCE 1931.

The parking lot was lined with cars. Daniel had

to make two laps around before a spot finally opened

up. Jake got Mark loaded into his wheelchair and the

four of them sauntered on through the parking lot,

past the giant plastic statues of rabbits with antlers

and into the store, which, at first glance, appeared to

look more like a department store than a simple drug

store. The walls were lined with just about every

knick-knack and necessity one could hope for. To the

right, there was a cafe. To the left, a chapel.

"Wow," Daniel said. "This is utterly ridiculous."

"You're tellin' me," Brad said, "Come on, let's go

get some powder and stuff."

"You guys go ahead," Jake said. "We're going to

go get us a free glass of ice water."

"Have fun."

Brad and Daniel headed into the mass hysteria

which was the retail shop while Jake wheeled Mark

hard starboard into the cafe and up to the bar.

"Two free ice waters, please," Jake said to the

man behind the counter who gruffly took two

glasses, shoveled in a few scoops of ice and filled

**171**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

them with tap water. He set them on the counter in

front of them and turned to walk off. "Golly thanks."

In the store, Brad and Daniel's luck wasn't much

better. They searched endlessly through the walls of

shit, never once discovering anything even resem-

bling the things they needed. The wall to wall people

were making them feel claustrophobic and the sheer

heat from all the bodies pressed together was enough

to nearly send them into panic attacks.

"Fuck it, man. Let's just go," Daniel said.

"Hold on," Brad said, as they reached a rack of

official Wall Drug T-Shirts. "We have to buy these...

For Mark."

"Fine. Grab them and let's get the hell out of this

shithole."

Brad grabbed four shirts off the rack and folded

them over his left arm. He stood on his tip-toes to try

and gain his bearings. He could see no cash registers

in sight. They had been swallowed whole by Wall

Drug.

Fifty-minutes later, Jake and Mark located them,

Brad still with the t-shirts flung over his arm, Daniel

in a state of complete unease and panic.

**172**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Holy shit!" Daniel said, running his fingers

through his hair and giving his scalp a frustrated

scratch. "We can't get out of here! We've been walk-

ing in circles! We finally found some powder, and

these t-shirts, but we can't find the exit. Or a god-

damn cash register!" Brad concurred by giving them

an open-palmed shoulder shrug.

Jake, still clutching the wheelchair, stood on his

tip toes and took a peek around. He was right.

Among all the people, no exit was in sight. They be-

gan wandering aimless, looking for any way out; a

fire escape, and emergency exit, anything!

A full twenty minutes passed before Brad spot-

ted a rear entrance. Their faces lit up. "Fuck it, just

go!"

"Hold on," Daniel said, reaching for his pocket

knife. "Cover me," and he began digging the blade

into the dead-center of the door. When he was fin-

ished, he returned the knife to his pocket and took

one last look around. "Okay go!" He pushed the door

open violently, letting in the afternoon's sunlight,

and began to run. Brad followed, Daniel still holding

the baby powder, Brad with the t-shirts. Jake reached

the door, thought twice, and then stopped. He shot a

quick glance back and forth, grabbed two Wall Drug

hats, a shot glass and a Wall Drug beer cozy from a

shelving section nearest the door and bolted out

through the exit with Mark. When the door closed,

**173**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

carved into the wood, it read: Mark, Daniel, Brad and

Jake Were Here...And Got Lost!

Once in the alley, they realized they had gone

completely unnoticed. "Let's not press our luck!"

Daniel said, and began to take off at a steady pace.

When they finally reached the front of the store, and

the parking lot, they all let out a collective sigh. Ten

more minutes were spent locating their van in the sea

of tourist vehicles. Once found, they strapped them-

selves in and exited the parking lot, Jake's middle fin-

ger waving from the backseat window. Laughter

filled the air. They felt like children again.

_I know it's up for me, If you steal my sunshine, Mak-_

_ing sure I'm not in too deep, If you steal my sunshine._

They eventually returned to the freeway and

drove off, crossing the border as the sun descended

before them setting the Wyoming skyline ablaze with

an intense prism of complex hues and radiant irides-

cence. Colors that none of them had ever seen before.

It was a wondrous and majestic sight. Daniel pulled

the van over, despite his earlier objections and told

Jake to wake Mark. All four friends sat there in si-

lence as the sun lowered itself out of sight, the burst-

ing kaleidoscope of colors constantly changing as

every minute ticked by, until all that was left was a

soft, yellowish glow just above the horizon. Then

darkness.

**174**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

Daniel put the van back into drive and continued

down the I90W, eventually merging on to the I-80W

towards Rock Springs. In the far off distance, a sharp

bolt of lightning cut through the black canvas of

night.

While Mark was sleeping in the back, they

drove through the night, completely passing Devil's

Tower and finding a motel more than four-hundred

miles away in a small town called Green River. It was

a long haul but the three of them managed to stay

awake, thanks in part to Brad's iPod mix and idle

chitchat. One thing they did notice, however, was an

abundance of fireworks stands along the way. Ap-

parently, they were legal in Wyoming. That was part

of the reason they didn't continue on into Utah.

They checked into their motel, only being able to

get one room this time, and pulled their baggage

from the top of the van, unloading everything all

while Mark continued to sleep. Once everything was

ready inside, they went to wake him up.

Getting him inside was the easiest it had ever

been. He barely stirred. Daniel lifted Mark's frail

body from the van and into his bed with hardly a

peep. Once he was comfortably in bed, the rest of the

boys grabbed pillows and crashed out on the floor.

Everyone was exhausted.

**175**

****

On the road again -

Just can't wait to get on the road again.

The life I love is making music with my friends

And I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again

Goin' places that I've never been.

Seein' things that I may never see again

And I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again -

Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway

We're the best of friends.

Insisting that the world keep turning our way

And our way

is on the road again.

Just can't wait to get on the road again.

The life I love is makin' music with my friends

And I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again

Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway

We're the best of friends

Insisting that the world keep turning our way

And our way

is on the road again.

Just can't wait to get on the road again.

The life I love is makin' music with my friends

And I can't wait to get on the road again.

And I can't wait to get on the road again

THE LOST AND FOUND

**M** ark awoke a little after one-pm in agoniz-

ing pain. It felt as though he were caught on fire and

slowly burning alive. He arched his back in a futile

attempt to cool himself down, coughing a horrid, wet

cough in the process. The three boys bounded up to

their feet and by Mark's side. Brad removed the drop-

per from the morphine bottle, filling it almost all-the-

way, then squeezed it out onto Mark's tongue. Jake

and Daniel each held one of his hands, and they both

noticed how ice cold his skin was. Never a good sign

from someone who was sweating so profusely.

With the morphine starting to do its job, Brad

filled up a paper cup with some water and forced

Mark to take a sip. The sweat continued to drop off

his face. Jake let go of his hand and went into the

bathroom to retrieve a washcloth. He dampened it

and placed it on Mark's forehead. It seemed to calm

him a bit.

He lowered his back down onto the bed, and his

grasp on Daniel's hand went limp. His eyes closed

and he fell back asleep.

"Fuck me!" Jake said, out of breath from all the

excitement.

"God damn it," Brad yelled, "I said I wasn't going

to let that happen again and I totally fucked up!"

**177**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"It's not your fault, bro," Daniel said, "this shit

just happens. He's fine. We got him back to sleep in

just a few minutes. We did good. We did good, man."

"Fine. What time is it?"

Jake checked his phone. "It's one-twelve in the

PM."

"Shit," Brad said, rubbing his burning eyes, then

pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm hungry. Anyone

want to take a walk with me?"

"Yeah, I'll go," Jake said. "Are you cool staying

here, Danielson?"

"Yeah, no problem. Just bring me back food. I'm

starved."

"You got it. I want to check out those fireworks,

too. I saw a stand a few blocks away off the freeway

when we pulled in."

"Alright," Brad said, "we'll have to drive then.

No biggie."

"Cool."

Daniel grabbed the keys off the dresser and

tossed them to Brad.

**178**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Let's go." They walked out into the cold Wyo-

ming air, each taking a deep breath. Before the door

closed, they heard Daniel yell, "Don't forget food!"

"Dude?" Jake said.

"Yeah?"

"You think Bono ever found what he was look-

ing for?"

Brad laughed, slightly confused. "What the hell

are you talking about?"

"I dunno. Just thinking."

"That's deep, man."

"Ha. Yeah. I don't know. I think that song was on

somewhere recently. Who knows."

"It certainly wasn't on MY playlist," Brad said,

smiling. He cleared this throat. "Well, if Bono was

looking for a good record that he's recorded in the

past twenty years, then no, I don't believe he's found

what he's looking for."

"That's what I thought. Sorry for the random-

ness. It just popped in my head."

**179**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Never be sorry for that shit. I love that about

you."

"Gay."

"Says the man stepping into a minivan."

They drove to the fireworks stand first. It was

open and uncrowded. Apparently the overwhelming

urge to buy fireworks was more prominent among

people passing through. No bother, though. Jake and

Brad's faces lit up like children's on Christmas morn-

ing. The place was a small little joint, not unlike a

farmer's market. It, of course, was in plain view from

the freeway as a rather brilliant way to lure travelers

into stopping in their small town. It worked often, ac-

cording to the man running the place. Two-hundred

and eighty dollars later, they returned to the van,

each carrying a near-overflowing plastic bag filled

with little bits of destruction.

They got back in the van and drove off in search

of a hardware store. They needed a tarp to cover their

luggage as the weather app on their phone predicted

rain and snow. They drove around aimlessly

throughout the town and finally found a drugstore.

They figured they might have what they need. They

parked the van and went in.

This drugstore had exactly what they needed.

Jake picked up a tarp then they headed for the baby

**180**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

aisle, grabbing some more powder, just in case. They

headed towards the register. On the way up front,

Brad said, "We should get our t-shirts from here. This

will probably be our only stop in Wyoming and they

have a little touristy section over there." He nodded

towards the front corner of the store where they had

several t-shirts, postcards and other novelties.

"Dude, you know what we should get instead of

t-shirts?"

"What?"

Jake nodded in the opposite direction of the

tourist corner to a rack filled with cowboy hats.

"That'll be way cooler than stupid t-shirts." Both of

them giggled as they walked to the rack, picking out

four, equally hideous, cowboy hats then finally mak-

ing their way to the register. They told the cashier

they didn't need a bag then headed out to the van,

both of them wearing their ridiculous hats.

"Dude, check it out," Jake said, pointing to the

store directly next to the drug store. "Boot Barn. Shit,

homes, let's get some boots and really complete the

ensem."

"I'm sorry, did you just say ensem...?"

"Yeah, sorry. But how badass would that be?"

**181**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"You do have a point. Alright, let's throw this

shit in the van and get us some boots!"

One bit of worthless knowledge the boys knew

about each other after a lifetime of friendship, of

course, was each other's shoe sizes. Daniel was a 10,

Mark and Jake were an 11 and Brad was a 12. They

picked out four matching pair of the most hideously

tacky, snake-skin boots, paid the man upfront who

didn't understand exactly why they were giggling so

badly, then made their way back outside.

They got back in the van and took off towards a

McDonalds they had passed earlier. They ordered

enough food for twice as many people then headed

back to the motel. At a four way stop, they waited for

a car directly across from them to take their turn, then

proceeded to turn left when that car passed. Unfor-

tunately, the car behind that one; a large, stupid,

white truck being driven by a balding, fat, hairy hill-

billy wearing a tank top even though it was goddamn

near freezing out, decided that he had waited long

enough and breezed right through the stop sign,

nearly plowing into the van. Brad slammed on the

brakes and gave the man his best 'what the fuck' look,

then yelled "Stop twice next time, Asshole?" The fat

yokel in the truck hit his brakes, causing the red, rub-

ber Truck Nuts dangling from his trailer hitch to

sway violently back and forth. He stopped in the

middle of the intersection and blocked the van. He

rolled his window down and began to yell something

**182**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

that neither of the boys could understand. Brad

threw the gear into park and opened the van door,

swiftly walking to the truck, his hand clenched

tightly into a fist.

Brad had never been in a fight before. Actually,

he had never even hit someone before. It was just

something about this white-trash wolf-man that in-

stantly made his blood boil. The situation quickly ab-

solved, though, as the man took off before Brad got

more than three steps from the van, the man yelling

"Faggots" as he sped off.

"Fuck you!" Brad yelled as the dipshit turned

right onto a small neighborhood street just ahead.

Brad noticed his license plate read WRECK EM. Next

to that; A _Romney/Ryan '12_ bumper sticker. What a

fucking tool, he thought, as he got back in his van.

"Faggots?" Jake asked, more to himself than to

Brad. "What'd I do?"

"God dude, I hate how no one apologizes any-

more. Ever."

"I know, even when they're in the wrong."

"Everyone is just so quick with unwarranted an-

ger or a lame excuse. No one takes responsibility for

anything anymore."

**183**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Especially women! With their stupid 'You're mad

at me so I'm mad at you for being mad at me' bull-

shit."

"Amen, brother. Come on, let's eat some food."

When they returned to the motel, Mark was still

sleeping and Daniel promptly pretended that he,

himself, hadn't been sleeping the whole time.

"Food?" he asked.

"And tons of it," Jake replied, showing him the

four bags of deep-fried deliciousness.

"What's with the shit kicker hats?"

"Dude, we're in Wyoming and we're cowboys

now. Duh. And besides, I thought you and your peo-

ple always wore these hats, like when you were

mowing lawns or selling oranges..."

"I'm not Mexican, god damn it!"

Jake knew this, obviously, but he was also aware

of Daniel's number-one pet peeve; being mistaken as

a Mexican. "It gets better, muchacho. We gots us

some matching boots! Tee-yuck!" Jake said, with his

over-exaggerated hillbilly voice, not noticing he went

from Mexican to white trash in the same statement.

"Oh god, why?"

**184**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"For funsies," Brad said. "Remember, that's what

this trip is about."

"Right. Well, let's see 'em."

"Be right back," Jake said, setting the bags of

food on the table and walking back outside. He re-

turned less than a minute later with four large shoe-

boxes piled high in his arms. He dropped them nois-

ily to the ground.

"Shit man, quiet," Brad snapped at him.

"My bad. Sorry. Here, check it out." He lifted the

lid off the top box and removed the pair of boots,

holding them up proudly.

"Holy shit, guys," Daniel said. "Those are hor-

rendous. Those don't even look like something a

cowboy would wear. They look like what you'd wear

while hanging outside of a Home Depot trying to get

day labor work or like, running from La Migra. Why

the hell would you waste money on that?"

"Dude, we have Bedrock t-shirts. Who cares,"

Brad said. "And what the hell do you know about La

Migra? We live in Nebraska. Now come and help me

get these on Mark. He'll have quite the surprise when

he wakes up." The three boys laughed as they tried

to fit Mark's limp, freezing cold feet into the boots.

**185**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

When the job was finished, they stood back and ad-

mired the shoes. "Dude, those are awful, huh?"

"Pretty bad," Jake said. "Pretty bad...ass, I mean!"

Daniel threw a pillow at Jake, hitting him square

in the face.

"Oh dude," Jake said, completely ignoring the

pillow attack, "you should have seen your boy here

almost lay it down with some fatass, middle age hill-

billy Wookie that almost crashed in to us?"

"What?" Daniel said, a mild tinge of shock and

disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah. Some fucker ran a stop sign and about hit

us, then he had the nerve to stop and yell at us. Before

I could even yell back, your boy here has the car in

park, the door opened and is running towards the

guy, about to hit him. It was fuckin rad, dude. The

guy pussed out and drove away."

"Right on, man!"

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure we know where he

lives, too. He turned onto a little coul-de-sac right

past the stop sign. We should go piss on his door han-

dle."

**186**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Bro," Daniel said to Brad, "remember that time

in high school when we were at that party and that

girl you were trying to get with kept turning you

down and you got all pissed off and we left?"

"Oh lord."

Jake cocked his head to the side, not recognizing

the story.

"We're all drunk and shit and we stumble out the

front door and Brad here spots her car on the street

and is all, 'Dude, I'm going to piss on her door

handle' So we walk' over to it and we see that her

window is cracked so he takes aim and shoots his pee

straight up and into her driver's seat."

"Shut up!" Jake said. "Where was I?!"

"No idea. It was just me and Brad. I remember

we ended up waiting in the bushes for her to come

outside. Like, an hour later she walks out with some

other dude and they get into her car and you can hear

her yell, 'Who the fuck spilled beer in my car?!'" The

three of them started laughing hysterically. "Dude, I

wish I could have seen the faces of those two ass-

holes, sitting in your warm piss and having no idea

what it really was."

**187**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Brad tried to contain his laughter, eventually

spitting out, "Yeah, what a dumb tramp!" The laugh-

ter continued until Mark groaned and shifted in bed.

"Shit. Sorry man. We'll be quiet."

"Well," Jake said, "all this talk about pee-pee has

made me hungry. Let's eat some McDonalds!"

When they finished, they decided to take a nap.

If Mark awoke in the evening, they could drive

through the night. Brad checked his phone for the

time. He could put another fen patch on Mark, and

give him a dose of Oxycontin when he woke up. He

got the bottles and a glass of water ready and set it

on Mark's night stand, applied the patch to his inner-

arm then layed down on the floor and fell right to

sleep.

Mark awoke around 9pm to a completely dark

room and silence. At first he thought he was alone,

but eventually heard breathing coming from the

ground, realizing everyone was asleep. He reached

for his water and took a sip, coughing, as usual. Brad

woke up instantly at the sound. "You okay, buddy?"

"I'm fine," Mark whispered. "My body feels sore

and my throat is dry, but other than that, I'm okay."

Brad got to his feet and opened the bottle of Oxy.

"Here, you can take one of these while you wait

for the fen patch to kick in."

**188**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Okay. Thanks." He took the pill and swallowed

it down, coughing again. "Brad?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"I never thanked you."

"For what?"

"For saving my life."

"Oh man, you don't need to thank me for that."

"I don't know what I was thinking. I just felt

so...empty."

"Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it later."

Brad checked his phone. "Dude, we've been sleeping

for hours. We were going to drive through the night,

if that's okay with you."

"Perfect. I prefer driving at night anyway. Some-

times the glare from the sun gives me a headache."

"Why didn't you tell us that before, asshole?"

"Didn't want to be a bother."

**189**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Dude, we bathed you. Driving at night is no

bother at all. Come on, let's get ready. Where do you

want to go today?"

"Where is that place where all the old people

go?"

"Um. The cemetery?"

"No, it's like Vegas but without the gambling.

They have shows there from people who are really

washed up. I think like, Yakof Shmirnoff is there, and

that Ray J. Johnson, Jr asshole."

"Oh shit, you mean Branson. You're right. That

is the last stop before the grave."

"Yeah, is that close? That should be good for a

laugh." In his best Russian accent, Mark said, "In so-

viet Russia, cancer make you live longer." They both

snickered at the terrible joke. "Comedy genius, right

there."

"Dude, that is in Missouri, nowhere near us."

"Damn. Well, what's the next state over?"

"I think it's Utah."

"Right on. What does Utah have to offer?"

**190**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Um, a big lake and some religious nutbags?"

"Good enough for me."

"We got fireworks, too, dude. Come on, let's get

ready."

"Bradley?"

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck are these on my feet?"

"Oh dude, I thought you'd like those. Those are

our matching snakeskin boots. We all got a pair."

"These are awful."

"I know." Brad walked to the door and flipped

on the lights. "Come on, assholes, it's time to move."

Jake and Daniel mumbled from below him, unwill-

ing to follow the command. Brad began nudging

them with his feet. "Let's go. Let's go. Mark is up and

ready to roll."

"I need to take a shower," Jake said.

"Come on, man, you just had one yesterday, who

are you trying to impress?"

**191**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Fine. Hand me the baby powder. That'll be my

shower for the day."

"Mine, too, I guess." Daniel said, still half asleep.

Daniel began carving into the television stand,

then got up to get ready.

Mark, Daniel, Brad and Jake Were Here...And

Became Cowboys.

Less than one hour later they were heading out

the door of the motel, cowboy hats fitted atop their

heads and the ridiculous boots on their feet. Jake said

he would run the key to the office and check them

out. Daniel and Brad packed up the rest of the stuff

and helped Mark walk to the van.

"Shit, dude!" Daniel said.

"What?" Brad asked.

"Look." Daniel pointed down at the vans front

passenger's side tire. Completely deflated. "Shit."

"Damn. We can't even get back into the room.

We'll have to put the spare on and hope it gets us

through the night. I don't want to stick around here

til morning."

"Me either."

**192**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Me either," Mark said, still being held up by his

two friends.

"Okay, hold on to him," Brad said to Daniel, "I'll

get the wheelchair out so he can sit, then we can deal

with the spare."

"Alright."

Brad slid the van's door open and removed

Mark's wheelchair, unfolding it before him and help-

ing Daniel gently lower Mark down in to it. Once he

was comfortable, Brad walked around to the back,

lifted up the hatch and raised the folded down seats.

He hoped the tire would be under there. He lifted up

the carpet and found nothing. Then he undid the

hatch on a little hidden panel on the side, there he

found a jack and a tire iron. No tire. "Dude, it's not

back here."

"It's under the car then. I can get it." Daniel

walked around the back and knelt down on the pave-

ment, looking under the car. "Good news and bad

news, boys."

"Oh god...What?"

"This is where the tire SHOULD be."

"Oh god damn it, it's not there?"

**193**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"No sir. Completely gone."

"Aw shit! A flat tire?!" Jake said as he made his

way back to the van.

"Yeah," Brad said. "And it gets worse. No spare."

"Aw man! So what, we have to check back in the

motel?"

"I guess. Wait. Maybe not. I have an idea." A

smirk flashed across his face. No one noticed it but

Mark.

"Oh no. I've seen that look before," Mark said.

"Yeah. Follow me. I've got an idea." Brad

reached in, removing the jack and the tire iron.

The four of them strolled down the deserted

street, Brad leading the way, Jake pushing Mark and

Daniel by their side, hidden in the darkness of night.

They passed the four way stop where Brad had be-

come momentarily enraged and turned on to the

coul-de-sac where WRECK EM had vanished. Three

houses down on the opposite side of the street,

parked alone in the driveway, was the white truck

that had nearly crashed into them. "Follow me, boys,"

Brad said, stepping off the sidewalk.

**194**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

They walked softly and quietly up to the drive-

way. Daniel took over the wheelchair duty and kept

watch for any signs of danger. Brad and Jake

crouched down and snuck up beside the truck. "How

do we even know this tire will fit, dude?" Jake asked.

"Who cares. It's worth a shot. And this guy is an

asshole, anyway. How funny is it going to be when

he comes out in the morning and his stupid truck is

missing a tire?"

Jake laughed. "Yeah, this is gonna be awesome."

Daniel and Mark were still on lookout, a smile from

ear to ear overtook Mark's face. Daniel had an idea.

He readied his pocketknife and walked to the rear of

the truck. He knelt down and began sawing away at

the Truck Nuts. Once free, Daniel returned to Mark's

wheelchair and began securing them to the back of

his seat.

' There ya go, my man!'

Brad placed the jack under the frame and began

pumping it upward, lifting the front right side of the

truck until the tire was completely airborne. Jake

quickly began unscrewing the lug nuts, taking extra

care with the noise. When all were removed, Brad

slid the tire off. "Welp! Double the _C_ , double the _S_

and all the day you'll have _Success_."

**195**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Hey geniuses," Daniel called out softly from the

sidewalk, "we should have brought the flat tire to re-

place that one. How are we going to get the jack

back?"

"Shit," Brad said, desperately searching for an

answer, unbelieving of his stupidity. "We'll just leave

the jack. Fuck it. Let's go."

"We can't leave the jack, stupid! How the hell are

we going to change the tire on the van."

"Oh, fuuuudge!" Brad said. He began to look

around for anything he could prop the truck up with.

There was nothing. "God damn it!"

"Dude, just lower the jack. It's the only way,"

Jake said.

"Crap. You're right." Brad turned the crow bar

the opposite direction. Upon the first sign of the

truck's decent, the alarm began to wail, echoing bois-

terously throughout the dead-end street. "Aw crap!"

"Dude, just pull it!" Jake yelled.

Daniel began to hop wildly while still holding

onto the handles of the wheelchair. "Shit shit shit,

we've got to go." Mark could not stop laughing.

**196**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Brad reached under the truck and began to tug

recklessly on the jack.

"Dude," Jake yelled out. "Watch out or the fuck-

ing truck will come crashing down on your arms!"

He reached under and both boys got their arms situ-

ated in the wheel well. "Take off, guys! Go!" Daniel

took him at his warning and began to back away

slowly, pulling Mark with him, wanting to leave, but

really wanted to stay and watch.

"Door!" Daniel yelled as the light inside the

house flipped on and the front door began to open.

With one final, desperate tug, the jack came lose,

sending the truck crashing lopsidedly to the con-

crete, crushing the entire right side and, Brad was

pretty sure, breaking the axel and totaling the once

nice automobile.

"Go go go!" Daniel yelled as he began to run, his

ridiculous cowboy boots barely catching traction on

the slippery, ice-covered ground pushing the still-

laughing Mark in front of him. Jake grabbed the lug

nuts and shoved them in to his pocket as Brad stood

the tire on end and rolled it down the driveway as

the hairy, hillbilly owner came storming out of his

house and chasing after them. Neighbors began to

peek out their windows to witness four grown men,

one being pushed in a wheelchair and waving his

cowboy hat in the wind like Slim Pickens riding the

bomb to his doom in Dr. Strangelove, one whose

**197**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

pants were falling down from the added weight of

the lug nuts, tire iron and jack and one rolling a sto-

len tire down their peaceful, quiet street, while their

neighbor, wearing only boxer shorts in the freezing-

cold night, chased after them, wildly wielding a shot-

gun in the air.

The man finally gave up chasing them and re-

turned to his recently-purchased, newly-totaled

Chevy truck, while the marauding band of idiot

man-children disappeared into the night's solemn

darkness, running unsurely as their stupid, snake-

skin boots continue to slip on the asphalt, rolling

their tire through the small Wyoming town, their

laughter disturbing every member of the houses they

passed.

**198**

****

I'm lost at sea,

The radio is jamming but they won't find me,

I swear it's for the best

And then your frequency is pulling me in closer

Til I'm home.

And I've been up for days

I finally lost my mind

And then I lost my way.

I'm blistered but I'm better and I'm home.

And I will crawl, theres things that aren't worth

giving up I know.

But I won't let this get me I will fight.

You live the life you're given with the storms outside

somedays all I do is watch the sky.

This room's too small, it's only getting smaller

I'm against the wall, I'm slowly getting taller here in

Wonderland.

This guilt feels so familiar and I'm home.

And I will crawl, theres things that aren't worth

giving up I know.

But I won't let this get me I will fight.

You live the life you're given with the storms outside

somedays all I do is watch the sky,

Somedays all I do is watch the sky.

I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good

day.

I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good

day.

It's a deep sea on which I'm floating. Still I sink to

think that i must...

Crawl, theres things that aren't worth giving up I

know.

When you can't bear to carry me I'll fight.

You live the life you're given with the storms outside

somedays all I do is watch the sky,

Today was a good day, today was a good day.

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**T** hey returned to the motel, quickly changing

the tire (luckily it fit perfectly), leaving the flat in the

parking lot and hauled ass out of there, headed west

towards Utah. Daniel had checked the GPS on his

phone and according to that map, they could make

it to Las Vegas in right around nine hours. It would

probably be their final stop before hitting Santa

Monica. Mark has often mentioned his desire to go

there, so he immediately perked up at the news.

"We can stay there as long as you want, bro."

Daniel told him.

"That sounds rad. Thanks."

Brad plugged in his iPod to the van's speakers

and the four of them listened to their music while

driving off in to the night.

_He drinks a whiskey drink, He drinks a vodka drink,_

_He drinks a lager drink, He drinks a cider drink. He sings_

_the songs that remind him of the good times, He sings the_

_songs that remind him of the best times._

Brad lifted his iPod and studied it for a moment.

"Dude, who would buy a Zune?"

They laughed. "Right?" Jake said.

"Seriously. I hate when people who don't have

Apple products try to tell you how much better their

**200**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

product is. It's so annoying because, ya know, their

product sucks and they're obviously too poor to buy

an Apple so they have to talk their piece of shit up.

Like, no matter how cool you say the Zune is, dude,

it's still a fuckin' Zune and you should be embar-

rassed by it."

"Where the hell did that come from?" Daniel

asked.

"Oh, some doucher at work the other day had

one. I swear to god, it was like he was holding a fuck-

ing brick. I made fun of him and he spent the next

three hours trying to explain to me how much cooler

it was than an iPod. All I kept hearing was 'I'm poor

and make bad decisions.'" Laughter rolled through

the van. Everyone became quiet shortly after and en-

joyed the music.

_Well I guess what they say is true, I could never be_

_the right kind of girl for you._

The plan was to cut straight through Utah, but

after about three hours, just outside of Provo, Mark,

who was still wide awake and feeling the best he had

in a very long time, asked if Daniel could pull the van

over.

"Shit man, are you okay?" Brad asked, worry

creeping into his voice.

**201**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Never better."

"Whew. Wait, then why are we stopping in the

middle of nowhere?"

"Because, man. Look around you."

"It's dark..."

"There is enough light. Just look. This is the most

beautiful thing I have ever seen."

The van pulled to a stop on the side of a moun-

tain with a large turnoff at its base. Mark glanced up

through the moon-roof. "Look. Look at the sky and

the full moon and all those stars. And these huge

mountains and the snow."

Daniel, Brad and Jake each stared out their win-

dow, taking in the scenery they hadn't given much

thought to mere moments ago. It truly was breath-

taking.

"I want to stop here for a while. Get out," Mark

said.

"Dude, it's like, freezing out here," Jake said.

"You can't go out in this."

**202**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"That'll be a welcome change, anyway. It's hotter

than Great White's last concert in this van. Come on.

I don't care how cold it is. I want to get out."

"Come on, man," Brad said, "you can't be sitting

out in the freezing cold in your condition. What if

you catch pneumonia?"

"And then what? Catch pneumonia and...die?

I'm already going to die, Bradley. Probably soon.

This is my last chance to see these things. You guys

will live on long after I'm gone, and maybe you'll

travel this way again, and I hope you do, but this is

it for me. My one shot. What's the point of this trip if

we can't stop and take in the beauty of this country.

Just a few days ago I had never even been close to a

mountain, and now I'm in one, and its...gorgeous.

And I know I said I didn't want to see things that

made me feel so insignificant, but I was wrong. This

is what I need to see. This makes me feel better. Being

here, in these mountains, makes me realize that we're

all pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

And ya know what, that's alright. How many years

have these mountains been here? How many men

have traveled through them during the course of his-

tory? Millions. And so many of them have passed on

now, but these mountains still remain. And they will

still remain after I'm gone, and after you guys are

gone. The world will keep moving and that's just the

way life works. And it's made me happy. I am happy

now."

**203**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Though none of them would admit it, all three

of the boys listening felt their eyes well up with tears.

Mark was right. What's the point of life if you can't

stop and savor the small things. The things that seem

so trivial. Maybe that is what life was all about in the

first place. Nothing any of them would ever accom-

plish would change the world in any real way, only

a minute fraction of the population would ever ac-

complish such a feat. Perhaps man's mission in life

was to enjoy what the world had to offer. To seek out

happiness, spread joy, and at the end of the line when

you depart your earthly body, maybe you wouldn't

have changed the world, but just maybe you could

leave it a little better of a place for having lived there.

All four boys in the car were beginning to realize

that.

"Let's get out, then," Brad said, trying to hide his

moist eyes with a big smile. He opened his door and

the sudden rush of cold air made his body tense up.

"We're going to need blankets, all of them. And any-

thing we can burn."

They left Mark in the warm van while the three

of them untied all the luggage from the top, empty-

ing out all the blankets they had. They had packed

extra, just in case, and it looked to be paying off. Dan-

iel wandered off from the pack in search of anything

to burn. He rustled up a bunch of twigs, leaves and

various other brush, brought it back to the van and

**204**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

began to try and start a little campfire with his Zippo.

By the time he finally got one lit, Brad and Jake had

all the blankets out and were working Mark into his

wheel chair, wrapping him like a mummy before sit-

ting him down. Daniel walked back out into the wil-

derness, fetching more to burn.

They each wrapped themselves in a blanket and

sat around the fire, the ground being much colder

than they had anticipated. "God damn!" Daniel

yelled when his ass hit the dirt. "This some chilly shit,

bro!"

"Shit, you're not kidding!" Jake said, all three of

them inching closer to the open flame. Brad reached

out and grabbed the wheel of Marks chair and pulled

him closer, as well.

"Hey guys," Mark said, wiggling his arm loose

from his material bindings and holding up his bottle

of joints that he nonchalantly snagged from his medi-

bag. "What do you say? I'm sure as hell not going to

use them."

"Really?" Jake asked.

"Absolutely. What the hell do I care?" He tossed

the bottle in Daniel's lap. "Light 'em up."

"Right on," Daniel said, removing one joint from

the bottle and placing it between his lips "Should I be

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a badass and light it in the campfire like they do in

the westerns?"

"Yeah, man, show us how it's done," Jake said.

"Alright," Daniel responded with the joint dan-

gling from his lips. He leaned in close to the fire, get-

ting just the tip of his cig in the flame, when a sudden

gust of wind came up and pushed the fire directly in

his face, singeing his entire right eyebrow. He

dropped the joint from his mouth and fell back-

wards, swatting aimlessly at his face as if it were still

on fire, the whole time yelling obscenities that ech-

oed throughout the range. "Fuck! Fuck me, man! Am

I burnt?! Shit! I'm burnt! Am I burnt?! I am, huh?!"

The gallery of friends gathered around him

couldn't stop laughing long enough to answer the

question. Daniel sat back up, satisfied that he was not

on fire, and asked, "Do I look okay? Am I burnt?" The

laughter got louder. Daniel just sat there, stone-faced,

his left eyebrow slanted downward in anger, his

right eyebrow, non-existent. He didn't understand

what was so funny. He was oblivious to his missing

facial feature. "I hate you, assholes."

"Dude, you look, um, fine," Brad said. "It was

just funny. You would have laughed if it was one of

us."

"I still hate you."

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Mark couldn't remember the last time he

laughed this hard. It felt good. When it died down,

he began to cough and his chest hurt. Brad got up

and got him water. It helped.

Daniel felt around for the missing joint, found it

and stuck it back in his mouth. "I'm not doing that

shit, anymore." He pulled out his zippo and lit it the

proper way, taking three deep drags then passing it

to Brad.

Brad looked at the joint burning in his hand for

a moment. He hadn't smoked in nearly a decade. The

last time, early on at the junior college, Brad had been

taking hits from a water bong out of a bathtub at

some party. When he left that night, still lit up like a

Christmas tree, he was pulled over for driving fifteen

miles per hour in a fifty-five zone. He hadn't realized

he was going so slowly; in fact, he was convinced he

was going too fast and was going to be pulled over

for speeding. The irony did not escape him as the of-

ficer knocked on his window with his flashlight.

"What seems to be the problem here, sir?" The

officer had asked.

"What? Problem? No problem. Sir. Problemo de

nada," he had said, rather foolishly, as he tried to play

it cool.

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"You were going forty miles under the speed

limit."

"Was I? Oh, I uh, have a terrible flu. I needed

more medicine. I'm kinda mixed up. I was half asleep

when I came out. I was, uh, trying to be cautious."

"Let me see your license." Brad handed it over

and the officer took a long look at it before handing

it back. "You need to go home, sir. I will follow be-

hind you to make sure you get there."

"Oh, uh, yes sir. Thank you, sir." The officer

walked back to his car and Brad slowly merged back

onto the empty road, sweating profusely, heart rac-

ing. When he got home, he couldn't remember how

he got there, even though he had very vivid memo-

ries of the occurrence. It was a weird thing to explain.

It was like he blacked out, dreamt of the ride home,

then awoken in his bed. He felt weird and the high

didn't seem to go away. He would pass his hand in

front of his face and then wonder if he had really just

done that or if he was thinking about doing it. He

didn't like the sensation. He never felt the desire to

smoke ever again.

That thought passed through his mind as he

stared at the joint like a kid under peer-pressure in a

bad after-school special, before eventually saying

fuck it and taking a long drag. With the smoke jour-

neying down into his lugs, it brought with it all the

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THE LOST AND FOUND

vivid recalls of the events prior when the drug was

present. It was an odd sensation for his body, but not

a bad one. He took one more drag then passed it to

across the campfire to Jake.

"Hey hey," Mark said. "It's my shit, I get at least

one drag."

"Seriously?" Jake asked, looking to Brad for ap-

proval.

"Yeah, seriously."

Brad gave Jake a shoulder shrug and the joint

was passed to Mark. He took a puff, coughing loudly

as it reached his deteriorating lungs. "Coughing just

gets you higher, man," Jake said.

Still coughing, Mark said, "Good to know," then

passed it on in its clockwise rotation. It made its

rounds until all that was left was ash in the wind.

They sat silently for a moment. "I'm not sure if I've

thanked you guys for this, yet."

"You don't have to thank us," Brad said.

"Yeah, bro. We should be thanking you," Daniel

said.

"I mean it. This is amazing. Just a few days ago I

tried to end it all. I sat in my bed and couldn't think

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of a single reason to even bother going on living an-

ymore. I was selfish and I was stupid. I never in a

million years thought it would end up like this. This

is...amazing. I'm really sorry for putting you guys

through that."

"Dude, don't you ever apologize to us," Daniel

said. "Ever. You owe us nothing."

"I've just felt so lost for so long. I think we all

have. I don't think any of our lives have turned out

the ways we had anticipated in high school and in

college. We've been spinning our wheels, lost in the

dark forest of our lives, wandering aimlessly. It's

time to quit being lost. It's time to be found. To find

ourselves. It may be too late for me, but you guys

don't have to stay content with your lives. We all

hold, or held, shitty jobs that we hate but yet there is

nothing keeping us there. Nothing chaining us to our

mediocrity that, for one reason or another, we have

conceded to. There is so much more out there for you

guys. Don't stay lost. Find yourselves.

One week ago I wanted to die. And while I've

finally accepted my fate, I don't want this trip to end.

When I took all those pills, after Sam had left me, I

imagined myself getting worse and being whisked

away to a hospital where they would hook me up to

tubes and I would just lie there, waiting patiently to

die. Every minute growing weaker and weaker.

More tired. Until the moment my body just gave up

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THE LOST AND FOUND

and I died. I imagined being alone." A tear traced

down the side of his face. "I don't know why I was

being so stupid. I let a girl make me feel the worst I

could ever get. A fucking girl." His voice began to

crack. "I thought I had finally found true love with

her and she left me when I needed her the most. My

life wasn't worth much after that, at least, not to me.

So I took the pills. Resigned to the fact that I would

never know real, true love. It was too late in the game

for me to find it, so I just threw in the towel. It was

stupid. I know."

He was silent for a moment, collecting his

thoughts before continuing on. "But hey, look at me

now. Doing something I never dreamt I would be do-

ing, with my three best friends in the world. You

guys have no idea what this means to me. I can't even

find the words to express it. And I know I'm getting

worse. And I know my time is running out. The pain

is beginning to dull which means my body has shut

down so much it can't even bother sending the pain

messages to my brain. My body temperature is so

cold right now that it's actually making me not cold

sitting out here. That's one of the reasons I wanted to

stop. I wanted to tell you that my time is coming.

Coming soon. And if I don't make it to the beach, I

don't want you to blame yourselves and I don't want

you to feel bad. Every second I am spending with

you is just adding to the masterpiece of a final chap-

ter to the story of my life." Tears were flowing from

everyone as they huddled closer to the campfire. "So,

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ya know, if I die tonight, just know I died happy. If I

make it to Vegas, fantastic, but if I don't, it doesn't

even matter. And if I make it to the beach, again, fan-

tastic, but if not, it doesn't bother me. I've seen it in

my dreams and I'm much happier with my current

reality, just being out here with my friends." All the

talking had made his throat dry. The last few words

he said had to be choked out. He took another drink

from his water; a small sip. "But promise me, all of

you, you will not be sad when I go."

Brad, his face streamed with streaks of tear-

drops, tried to speak, his voice catching and forcing

him to pause, finally saying, "We can't not be sad,

dude. You're our best friend. You're our nucleolus."

"But I am ready to go. I feel hollow inside and

it's not a pleasant feeling. I'm just trying to tell you

that no matter when I leave, I want you guys to know

you could not have provided me with a better send

off." Jake reached out and grabbed Mark's hand. "I

know I don't have much to offer you right now, and

I barely have anything to even leave behind. I just

want you all to promise me you will reach for great-

ness. Whatever it may be, no matter how silly or stu-

pid you think it is to try or do, or whatever. Just go

for it. Stop being content. Don't waste time missing

me. Spend your time finding yourselves. Find happi-

ness in new things, not sorrow in things past."

"We're just going to miss you, dude."

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"I know you are. And I am going to miss you

guys. I don't know where I go after this. I've never

been a religious man. I've always thought the bible

was kinda hokey and really unrealistic, but it just

seems like a waste for people to spend such a short

time on earth then have that be the end of it. Who

knows what will happen. It's scary, but I'm prepared

to find out. And fuck man, I miss my parents. Where

ever I go, I hope they are there. I know it's a long shot,

but it's hope that I have to cling to. Maybe I will

simply just cease to exist. Maybe we only get this one

shot and whatever happens happens. But no one

knows. At least, no one in this life knows. Maybe a

wonderful new world awaits me. Maybe it's heaven,

maybe it's not. Maybe my folks will be there and

maybe they won't. It's a crapshoot. But I'm excited at

the possibility."

' Just think of all the good company you'll be

in in the cancer section of heaven," Daniel said, to

puzzled looks. ' I mean, seriously, you'll get to hang

out with George Harrison. Adam Yauch-'

' That one guy from LFO,' Brad added.

' Yeah, that one guy from LFO. It has the po-

tential to be awesome.'

Mark smiled at the thought.

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Jake wiped the tears from his face with his free

hand, having not paid attention to the previous dis-

cussion, and said, "I've always been scared to death

of...death." He smiled. "Seriously, the thought of eve-

rything just ending terrifies me. Imagine just ceasing

to exist for all eternity. It fuckin' freaks me out."

"I know," Brad said. "I felt the same way. I've

never been much in to God either. I kind of accepted

the fact that when I die, that's it. I'll either decompose

in the ground or be turned into ashes, and that will

be the end of Brad Augustine. It's a scary thought so

I really try not to think about it. But then I think back

to before I existed. Before I was conceived. What did

that feel like? For as long as the world existed before

I arrived, I didn't exist. Is it going to be the same thing

after I leave. Will not existing even bother me if I'm

dead? If I'm dead shouldn't it be impossible to be

scared? I never believed in heaven. I still don't. I

think organized religion as a whole pollutes the

world. It's the single cause to ninety-nine percent of

the world's death and destruction. One man's reli-

gious hero is another man's terrorist. Where do we

get off pretending we know what is right and what is

wrong. It's pure arrogance and it is what has caused

the downfall of man. In America we're supposed to

be free to pray to any god we want, everyone is sup-

posed to be equal, but it's all bullshit and everyone

knows it. You honestly think any non-Christian man

would ever be elected president? Of course not, and

why? Because people can't tolerate people who don't

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THE LOST AND FOUND

believe exactly what they believe. It is the most ego-

tistical and hypocritical way of life I have ever seen.

If Christians really believed the shit that Christianity

was supposed to stand for, the world wouldn't be

like this. There would be no gay marriage debates;

there would simply be marriage, two people loving

each other and living their lives. There would be no

wars. Not nearly as much hatred in the world. But,

they twist it to fit their own needs. They sit in the

pews and they judge us, and if they make the same

mistakes we do, and they always do, they use the

age-old cop-out of saying _Well, Jesus forgives ME_.

Jesus forgives ME. It's the centuries old get out

of jail card, to be twisted and used whenever needed.

So yeah, religion has never been my thing. I don't

think there is one all-mighty god who rules every-

thing and just like a bad movie, has an arch enemy,

the crazy devil, who lives down below us, some-

where, possibly in the earth's core, I'm not sure. Or,

if you're on the other side of the earth, I guess he tech-

nically, would be above you. Not really sure how that

fantasy shit is supposed to play out in regards to

plain facts. I know I'm off track and rambling. You

can blame the weed. I'm just trying to say that us,

right here, right now, represent nothing but a mere

speck of dust in the galaxy. Less than one piece of

dust. Perhaps this entire planet is nothing but a piece

of dust. With all the solar systems out there and all

the galaxies, it's so typical that we humans assume it

is just us. So my point, I guess, is that, while I don't

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believe in Heaven, per-se, after giving it a lot of

thought after Mark...you, got sick, I do not believe

Earth is our final destination. There has to be more

out there. I am sure of it. And when you go, you will

see your parents again. And ya know what, when I

go, and Jake and Daniel go, we'll be there, too. You

just have to wait for us." Brad sat silent, becoming

fully aware of just how much he had rambled on.

"Well, I'll shut up now. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Mark said. "While I'm much

more used to talking about boobies and various va-

ginas, this is a welcome change of topic."

"I was raised Catholic," Daniel said. "All my life.

And ya know what, those guys believe some really

ridiculous shit. I mean, I realize we're sitting in Mor-

mon country right now and nothing this side of Pen-

tecostal comes even close to being as fucked up as

that fucked up religion, but Catholicism definitely

has its faults. Like, supporting a war where thou-

sands of innocent people die, while protesting a

woman's right to have an abortion. Shit like that just

doesn't fit. But, at the end of the day, I do believe in

God. And I do believe in Heaven. I just think it's the

people here on earth who have fucked everything up

for Him. And, if you don't want to believe in Heaven,

dude, more power to ya, brother. Right on. Free will

is what it's all about. And ya know what? When the

time comes for us to die, I don't think what we be-

lieved on earth is really even going to matter. We're

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THE LOST AND FOUND

all going to the same place, regardless of what we be-

lieved. So yeah, thinking like that does make me feel

a little better. Knowing that no matter what may

come, eventually we'll be reunited."

"And it feels so goooood," Jake sang, breaking

the seriousness of the night's conversation. It was

much needed, everyone laughed and got back on

track. A rustling sound came from the shrubs behind

them. Everyone turned to look but saw nothing of

importance. "Probably just a little animal. Or Jason.

That'd be pretty badass. Friday the 13th part 32: Jason

versus the Mormons!"

"Dude," Brad said, looking towards Mark, "re-

member that time at camp when we fed all that choc-

olate to those squirrels because we were too lazy to

actually go do the activities?"

Daniel and Mark laughed, Jake looked confused.

"Wait, what?"

"Mark and I were in Boy Scouts together when

we were little. Danny was too, but he missed the big

camping trip." Brad looked towards Daniel and

asked, "Why weren't you there, anyway?"

"Family vacation, remember? So lame."

"That's right. Anyway, it was our big week away

from our parents at this camp near Mahoney State

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Park. There were different troops and all different

ages and shit there, but somehow Mark and I were

the two smallest little twerps in the whole camp."

"No dude," Mark said, "there was that little fat

kid named Brian. He was way wimpier than us."

"You're right, but he was still in our cabin.

Things weren't lookin' up for us. The first day there

we have to do some stupid swim test where we jump

in the water and prove that we won't die, I guess. Fat

little Brian jumps in and fuckin sinks like a goddamn

bag of bricks." He was having trouble containing the

laughter at the memory. "Straight down. Our fat ass

troop leader had to jump in and get him."

"God, our cabin sucked."

"Anyway, they had all these activities set up for

everyone to do to earn badges or some shit. Everyone

was always excited to go have fun, but Mark and I

just stayed in the cabin. They had this little store

called the Mahoney Mart where you could buy

snacks and shit, so we loaded ourselves down with

Reese's Pieces. When we made ourselves sick with

them, we ended up feeding all the squirrels that came

in to our cabin. It wasn't until years later we realized

we probably killed a whole lot of squirrels." The

drug-induced laughter continued.

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Oh," Mark said, "don't forget about our canoe

trip."

"Shit, that's right. Everyone had to row a canoe

over to some other part of the camp where we were

spending the day or whatever, so, ya know, its four

guys to one canoe. Everyone gathers their friends

and hops in and starts rowing. Well, lucky us, we get

little pussyboy Brian and our enormously fat scout

leader."

"Seriously," Mark added, "the dude was 300

pounds, easy."

"So," Brad continued, "everyone is paddling

away, and I shit you not, we're sitting in our canoe,

with this fat ass lardbucket in the back, and our canoe

is tilted upward, like this," Brad elevated his forearm,

his elbow low, his hand raised up, showing the ca-

noes unevenness. "I'm in the front, my paddle isn't

even touching water, Mark's is barely skimming the

top, and Brian's is so deep he can't even move it. We

struggled for thirty minutes, the whole time our

scout master is talking shit to us for being such puss-

ies. Yelling at us to row faster. How we were embar-

rassing him. He seriously called us pussies. Pussies!

We were in sixth grade and our three weights com-

bined were still less than his. But he kept on yelling

and yelling, paddle faster! Paddle faster! Dude, we

were fucking going backwards!"

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"And about to sink!"

"Yeah! Everyone had already arrived on the is-

land, was having a good time, and we're still six feet

from our starting point."

"Oh shit," Jake said, "so what happened?"

"They had to send the fucking barge over to rescue

us. Seriously, it was the most embarrassing thing

ever."

"Yeah," Mark added, "it was pretty goddamn

bad. We did accomplish one pretty amazing feat

though."

"What's that," Jake asked?

"We went the entire ten days without pooping!

Which was no easy matter, considering all the choc-

olate we ate."

The laughter grew louder again. Jake, trying to

catch his breath, asked, "Why?"

"Because," Brad said, "the toilets were fucking

disgusting. You walk in the bathroom and it's just a

bench with four toilet seats on it. That's it. We could

all hold hands while sharing a poop. And that wasn't

even the worst of it. After like two days, I think, we

decided maybe we could just keep watch and one of

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THE LOST AND FOUND

us could go in, stand over the toilet and just drop a

few poops in without having to touch anything, then

we could switch positions and the other one could

keep the look out, whatever. Anyway, we peek our

heads in there to make sure no one is there, and there

is this shark's fin of shit hooking out the front of the

toilet. I swear to God, I've never seen anything like it

before in my life. A perfectly curved, triangular pile

of shit, starting in the bowl and exiting like a giant

wave, up and over the rim. We were in shock. We

each just stood there for like five minutes, staring at

it in disbelief. When we finally came to our senses we

were like _Fuck this_ , and took off, never setting foot in

there again."

"Even worse was when we finally got back

home. We couldn't poop for days. It was awful.

Every day when we'd hang out we'd be like, so, have

ya pooped yet? Nope, You? Nope. Ugh, it was aw-

ful." The laughter seemed to continue for several

minutes. Just when it seemed to die down, someone

would yell the word PUSSIES and it would start right

back up again.

The fire began to crackle. Daniel stood up and

grabbed some more wood, throwing it on the fire.

"Thank you again, guys," Mark said. "I could not

have asked for anything better. Look at those stars."

They all turned their gaze upwards, admiring the

millions of tiny bright specks spread out through the

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darkness, huddled around the big warm glow of the

full moon. It seemed so close you could almost reach

out and grab it. "This planet really is a work of art."

"Dude," Jake said, "ya know who is a really

fuckin under-rated artist?"

"Who?"

"Fuckin' Wile E. Coyote. That motherfucker

could paint some realistic ass landscape scenes in like

seconds!" The laughter erupted again and didn't die

down for several minutes. When it was quiet again,

Jake continued, "You wanna know why I left

Michelle?"

"Yes!" they all answered in unison.

"I've been wanting to know that since the mo-

ment you told me," Brad said.

"It's so fucking stupid, but I think I was just

afraid of commitment. That age old cliché for men.

Afraid of commitment. Wah, wah, boo fucking hoo.

I'm so fuckin' stupid. I began to nitpick everything

she did in an attempt to talk myself out of loving her.

Even the smallest, more minute fucking things I

would obsess over until I couldn't even stand to look

at her. Then one day, she was out getting her nails

done by some little Asian lady and she comes home

and shows me and asks me what I think and, like,

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THE LOST AND FOUND

seriously, it looked like someone had glued Chiclets

to the ends of her fingers. They were enormous. And

thick. And that's all I could think about. I didn't even

answer her question, I just gave her a dirty look then

walked off. That was it. I decided to leave right then.

Over stupid fingernails. So I packed my shit and I left

the next day. I walked out on her. The last time I saw

her face she had tears just exploding out of her eyes.

And I walked out."

"It wasn't just the fingernails," Mark said. "It was

everything. Honestly, I think it was the miscarriage.

I know how much you wanted that baby, even if you

never said so. And I think you blamed Michelle for

it. Deep down, I think that's what happened. You

didn't even want to admit it to yourself, but you

knew, in your mind, that you resented her for losing

it. So you pushed her away."

"God damn it," Jake said, putting his head down

into his hands. "I know. I really wanted that kid. And

I wanted Michelle. I still fucking do. I'm so stupid. I

tried and tried to get her back but she wouldn't take

my calls. I don't blame her, I wouldn't have taken

them either. She doesn't deserve to have someone

like me. She deserves better. She deserves happiness

that I stubbornly refused to give her. I still want her

though, like, bad, but I've realized I need to let her

go. Maybe one day she will return to me, but I'm not

holding my breath. And that's what I don't get about

you, Daniel. How could you just leave your child?"

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"Come on, guys," Brad said, trying to diffuse the

situation before it erupted and grew out of control. "I

actually just had this talk with Daniel two days ago.

He's going to work on it, aren't you, Danny?"

"I am." He looked away out of shame.

"Daniel," Mark said, "that would make me the

happiest person in the world if you did that. No bull-

shitting. Please promise me you will try to get back

into that little girl's life."

"Fuck man, I said I would so I will."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I fucking promise. Fuck."

"Shit," Jake said. "We are not men, are we? We're

fucking children. This isn't how men behave, is it?"

"I don't know," Brad said.

"I mean, come on, we just totaled some guy's car.

All that makes us is thugs. I fucked a woman to dis-

tract her while you stole her drugs. Daniel aban-

doned his daughter and Mark tried to kill himself.

We are all a huge fucking mess. It's time to grow up

a bit. Start acting like men. Start taking responsibility

for our actions. I mean, look at this asshole over

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THE LOST AND FOUND

here." He nodded to Daniel. "Motherfucker has one

eyebrow because he tried to light his joint like a ba-

dass. We're thirty-three goddamn years old."

"Da hell you mean I only have one eyebrow?!"

Daniel asked, panically drawing his hands up to his

face and feeling the smooth patch of flesh above his

right eye. "Oh shit on me, man! Why didn't you tell

me?!"

"I thought you could smell the burning hair."

"Oh god damn it, man! I'm going to look ridicu-

lous!"

"Oh, you'll be fine," Jake said. "So yes? Shall we

all agree to start acting a little more like men and a

little less like children?" Everyone nodded in agree-

ment. "Great. Now who wants to watch me fire this

Roman candle out of my ass?!" His friends cheered as

he held up the firework he had been hiding under his

blanket. Jake jumped to his feet, grabbed the Zippo

from Daniel and headed off a few feet in the distance.

He undid his belt and button, lowering his pants

slightly in the back and wedged the firework be-

tween his butt cheeks. He lit the Zippo and held the

flame to the fuse. His crowd counted down.

THREE

The fuse was lit and began to sparkle

**225**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

TWO

The sparks grew closer

ONE

For some unknown reason, Jake's butt cheeks un-

clenched for a split second, sending the firework

down inside his pant leg. He didn't even have time

to panic before the fuse ignited the pyrotechnic,

sending hot stars of fire up his pant leg, exploding on

his testicles and ass. The three "men" could do noth-

ing but stare in mock horror and laugh their asses off.

With each repeated _PFFT_ sounds coming from inside

Jake's jeans, the laughter just grew louder. Jake began

jumping up and down, trying desperately to free to

firework from his pant leg, but to no avail. He even-

tually fell to the ground as the last star shot. He lay

there, the smell of singed pubic and ass hair hanging

over them like a fog, his pants smoldering.

He eventually got to his feet, smoke still escap-

ing from his clothes, and waddled back to the van.

His friends still frozen, laughing. He lowered his

pants completely and splashed ice-cold water from

the ice chest between his thighs and on his balls. It

sizzled. The smell was putrid. Maybe even worse

than his last smell that he subjected his friends to.

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Dude," Daniel said, "I have seen your dick ex-

actly two times too many this trip, bro!" The laughter

continued until Jake's panic subsided.

"I hate every one of you assholes."

From out in the distance, thunder began roll-

ing towards them.

"Come on, dude," Brad said. "Let's fire off the

rest of these bastards before the rain comes." He

stood and grabbed the two plastic bags and returned

to the group.

' Actually,' Mark said, ' No rush. I want the

rain to come.'

' Why?'' Brad asked? ' It's going to be freez-

ing.'

' That's okay. This could be my last rainfall. I

love the rain. I want to stay.'

' You're the boss, buddy.'

' Oh. Um, one more thing.'

' Yeah, homes?''

' I really want to make it to the beach. Don't

fuck up.'

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Brad laughed as Mark tried to keep his

straight face.

The drops began to hammer down upon them

within the hour. The stood there, soaking wet, light-

ing up the sky with their own lightening. The camp-

fire began to smolder until there was nothing left but

wafts of smoke.

Mark leaned his head back and caught the

cold water in his mouth while his friends all danced

wildly around him, laughing.

They stayed there, outlasting the storm,

watching night turn into day, laughing together and

setting off every last one of the fireworks they pur-

chased. It was the best night they had had together in

years.

**228**

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BRIGHT LIGHT CITY GONNA SET MY SOUL

GONNA SET MY SOUL ON FIRE

GOT A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY THAT'S READY TO BURN,

SO GET THOSE STAKES UP HIGHER

THERE'S A THOUSAND PRETTY WOMEN WAITIN OUT

THERE

AND THEY'RE ALL LIVIN DEVIL MAY CARE

AND IM JUST THE DEVIL WITH LOVE TO SPARE

VIVA LAS VEGAS, VIVA LAS VEGAS

HOW I WISH THAT THERE WERE MORE

THAN THE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS IN THE DAY

CAUSE EVEN IF THERE WERE FORTY MORE

I WOULDN'T SLEEP A MINUTE AWAY

OH, THERE'S BLACK JACK AND POKER AND THE ROULETTE

WHEEL

A FORTUNE WON AND LOST ON EV'RY DEAL

ALL YOU NEEDS A STRONG HEART AND A NERVE OF STEEL

VIVA LAS VEGAS, VIVA LAS VEGAS

VIVA LAS VEGAS WITH YOU NEON FLASHIN

AND YOUR ONE ARMBANDITS CRASHIN

ALL THOSE HOPES DOWN THE DRAIN

VIVA LAS VEGAS TURNIN DAY INTO NIGHTTIME

TURNIN NIGHT INTO DAYTIME

IF YOU SEE IT ONCE

YOULL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

IM GONNA KEEP ON THE RUN

IM GONNA HAVE ME SOME FUN

IF IT COSTS ME MY VERY LAST DIME

IF I WIND UP BROKE UP WELL

ILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT I HAD A SWINGIN TIME

IM GONNA GIVE IT EVERYTHING IVE GOT

LADY LUCK PLEASE LET THE DICE STAY HOT

LET ME SHOUT A SEVEN WITH EV'RY SHOT

VIVA LAS VEGAS, VIVA LAS VEGAS,

VIVA, VIVA LAS VEGAS

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**W** hen they finally changed clothes, packed up

their things and hit the road, the sun was almost fully

visible behind them. They continued their drive into

Provo where they found a motel and slept for the

day. Before settling in, Daniel and Jake went to a gro-

cery store nearby and stocked up on food, drinks and

of course, Provo touristy t-shirts. With their bellies

full, they slept for almost twelve hours.

Brad insisted Mark take more medicine. They

had a long drive ahead of them and didn't want to

take any chances. Mark tried to walk to the bathroom

on his own, but he's legs felt unsteady, like they

would betray him. Jake noticed his imbalance and

shot up to give him a hand. Daniel went after them

both, and they sat Mark down successfully onto the

toilet. Soon they heard the slight splashing sound of

urine hitting the water below. Daniel turned the bath

water on, pouring in ample amounts of bubble bath.

Brad was in the other room, packing up all the gro-

ceries.

Mark sat in his warm bath, completely relaxed.

The pain was minimal, which normally would be a

good thing, but this far along, was actually quite om-

inous. Better than being in a hospital though, he

thought. He closed his eyes and imagined he was

swimming in the ocean.

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THE LOST AND FOUND

When the water turned cool, Daniel and Jake

lifted him out of the tub and wrapped a towel around

him, patting him dry. Brad had laid out clothes, in-

cluding a fresh pair of boxer briefs and socks, Aber-

crombie sweat pants, the new Provo t-shirt and a

Champion pullover hoodie. The cowboy boots were

packed up, probably never to be worn again. Instead,

Mark would be wearing his Ugg slippers.

They walked Mark out into the bedroom and

Brad got him dressed, making sure to squeeze an ex-

tra douse of baby powder down the front of his

drawers. Jake stayed behind in the bathroom to take

his shower.

When everyone was clean, dressed and ready to

go, they hit the road once more, traveling south on

the I-15 towards Las Vegas. If everything went well

after their brief, and rather darkness-filled stop at

Zion National Park on the way out of Utah, they

would be there by morning.

Mark much preferred driving at night. Aside

from the headaches from the sun, he enjoyed peering

out at the moonlit sky. It calmed his nerves. It truly

was the little things that mattered the most to him,

now.

Brad was being pretty eclectic with his selections

on music. The playlist continued to rock-on through

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

his iPod, seemingly playing the worst, most embar-

rassing songs from their youth that he could find

while originally programming it. The selections

made them all laugh and they enjoyed the nostalgia

of it all.

"Ya think Eazy E is still hanging out at Tha

Crossroads, just waiting? Like, I bet he's in shock no

members of Bone have died yet. He's probably gettin'

pretty fuckin' bored up there" Jake said.

"Dude, it's a terrible song," Brad said. "Now shut

up, I want to listen to it."

He continued to shuffle through a wide assort-

ment of giggle-inducing tracks, from The Verve

Pipe's _Freshmen_ to Vanilla Ice's _Stop That Train_ to Ju-

venile's _Back Dat Ass Up_. Each song resurrected long-

forgotten joyful memories.

Four hours after they left, one detour and several

wrong turns, they crossed over into Arizona. They

stopped at a little gas station to fill up the tank. Brad

went inside to pay and returned with four t-shirts

with a cartoon desert depicted on them. Apparently,

according to the shirt, Arizona is HOTT. Two Ts.

They didn't dilly-dally. In fact, they had all

thought the gas station was creepier than shit.

Straight _Hills Have Eyes_ status, Brad had commented.

So, when the tank was full and their bladders were

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THE LOST AND FOUND

empty, they were back on the freeway. Thirty

minutes later they crossed into Nevada. In the rear-

view mirror, Daniel spied the sun peeking above the

mountains.

They passed through the small towns of Mes-

quite and Bunkerville, continuing down the I-15. The

urge to stop and the random casinos nearly unbeara-

ble. They decided to continue on. Vegas would be

much better, they just knew it.

The sun had fully risen and the day had offi-

cially started when the city's landscape came into

view. It was unlike anything they had ever seen be-

fore. They exited on Frank Sinatra Blvd and merged

on to the Las Vegas Strip. Daniel opened both moon

roofs to help take it all in.

The buildings towered above them. The hotel's

lights burned brightly, even in the sun's squint-in-
ducing glow. It was sensory overload for them. They

each gazed in awe, pointing out various attractions

and monuments. Mark sat silently in the back. He

couldn't believe he finally made it here. It was every-

thing he had imagined and so much more. He could-

n't wait for night to fall to experience this orgy of

neon in the darkness.

"Where do you want to stay?" Brad asked, to no

one in particular.

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Anywhere," Jake answered.

Brad pulled out his phone and looked for reser-

vations while the van cruised sluggishly down the

traffic-lined street. "There is a two bedroom pent-

house available at the Myra. It should be right down

here on the right."

"How much is it," Jake asked, wearily.

"Doesn't matter. I'm booking it. It says it's on the

top three floors with a strip view. Sound good, Mar-

cus?"

"Sounds awesome. Thanks buddy."

"That's what we're here for.' After a few minutes

of typing away on his phone, Brad proudly added,

' Done! I booked it for one night. That's all it would

let me do. Oh well. We are good to go, gentlemen."

The van continued lethargically rolling with the

traffic. Mark rolled down his window. "Turn it up."

Brad reached for the stereo, turning the volume up

way too loud. The music blasted out of the speakers

and on to the Las Vegas strip.

_As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I_

_take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left_

_Cause I've been blasting and laughing so long,_

_That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone_

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THE LOST AND FOUND

_But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it_

_Me be treated like a punk you know that's unheard of_

_You better watch how you're talking and where you're_

_walking. Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk._

_Been spending most their lives, living in the_

_gangsta's paradise_

They rolled down the rest of the windows and

cruised down the strip in their rented minivan like

they owned that goddamn town until finally reach-

ing the turnoff at the Myra hotel. They pulled in to

the self-park area and left everything behind. They

would get Mark up to the room first, then worry

about the luggage.

Jake unfolded the wheelchair and helped Mark

into it and the three of them set off towards the hotel

lobby. Their heads were held high the entire walk in

admiration of the towering structures hovering over

them. Once they arrived in the casino, their senses

truly did become overloaded. They had never seen

such a massive gathering of people. The excitement

was in the air, they felt it as soon as the rush of wind

hit them in the faces as they opened the hulking glass

doors and stepped inside.

Brad told Jake to wait where they were with

Mark, while he and Daniel waited in the check-in

line. Jake stood there, holding on to Mark's wheel-

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

chair, the both of them just looking out across the ca-

sino floor. The first thing that caught their eyes, of

course, was the women.

"Jesus Christ, man, you sure don't get that back

in Omaha," Jake said.

"No sir. You sure don't."

Two young woman passed by them, scantily

clad in cleavage-revealing tops and the shortest skirts

they had ever seen. The girls flashed them a friendly

smile as they walked by.

"Good god, man," Jake said, "my pants just got

shorter!"

Twenty minutes later, Daniel and Brad returned,

card keys in hand, both of them saying in unison,

"Let's go!"

"Hold on, man," Jake said. "Enjoy the scenery for

a minute."

"What scenery?" Daniel asked. His question was

answered almost immediately when a woman in a

dress barely covering her ass brushed by them. "Oh

shit. That scenery."

"Yeah. That scenery, boys. Just take a look at all

the sausage wallets. They're everywhere, too! There

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THE LOST AND FOUND

is, most definitely, an angle on my dangle." All four

of them giggled like pre-pubescent children. "Check

'em out, dude. Every single one of them is dressed

like they are on boner patrol."

"Yeah, they are giving my 'giner-miner a tingly

feeling," Daniel said, hardly able to contain his laugh-

ter.

"Dude, they're probably all sluts," Brad said.

"Maybe so," Daniel said, " but I would much rather

be with a slut than some goody-goody, near-virgin

broad."

"Really? Why?"

"Okay, say you're about to have sex with some

girl that's only been with two other guys. Alright,

now I have a one-in-three chance of having the small-

est penis she has ever seen! With sluts, my odds

greatly increase to my favor. See? More confidence."

"Well," Brad said, rolling his eyes, "as much as I

love hearing about your disgusting meat wrenches,

can we head up to the room now?"

They made their way through the masses of peo-

ple, slowing down on numerous occasions to take in

the casino's sights, until they made it to their own,

velvet-rope-protected elevator. The guard asked to

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

see their key cards. When he was satisfied, he un-

hinged the rope and let them pass, like being allowed

entry into a posh new club.

They took the elevator up to the sixty-fifth floor

and stepped off into the hallway, turning left to head

towards their room. Brad slid his keycard and the

door made an electronic unlocking sound. He turned

the handle and pushed the door open. The brightness

of the room nearly over-powered them. Everything

was a pristine white.

They walked in, noticing a small bathroom im-

mediately to the right. They followed the corridor

into a small room which looked like an office, com-

plete with a desk, stationary and a phone. After that

came the main living room and kitchenette. All four

mouths were agape in disbelief. The living room had

massive floor to ceiling windows offering a breath-

taking view of the city below. There were two chairs,

a glass table and a large, sectional sofa, all facing a

giant fifty-five inch LCD television, stereo and speak-

ers. Just to their right was the kitchenette with a

small, round table in the center of the tile, a fridge,

dual sinks, a microwave, freezer and glassware.

To the right of the main living room was a small

sitting area, complete with another television, sofa

and chair. Bookending the penthouse were two large

bedrooms with enormously impressive bathrooms.

**238**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

In each of the closets were two ultra-plush Myra Ho-

tel robes. The boys began undressing, stripping

down to their underwear and wrapping the soft

robes around themselves, forgetting all about having

to go back down to retrieve their luggage.

After the initial overview, the group disbanded,

each journeying to little sections of the room to check

out things. From the bathroom, Jake yelled out,

"Holy shit! Come check this out!"

The three of them stopped what they were doing

and journeyed into the bathroom. Aside from the

shower, steam shower and bathtub that more closely

resembled a hot tub, there was a private room, com-

plete with a toilet featuring a heated seat and a bidet.

"I'm never wiping Mark's ass again. Why didn't

we think of this in the first place?"

"Dude," Mark said. "That's amazing." They

watched, wide eyed, as Jake pushed the button, send-

ing a stream of water from the bottom of the bowl,

up and over the rim and splashing on the tile floor.

"Dude, I cannot wait to get a case of the drop-

offs!" Jake said. Laughter filled the bathroom.

"Come on, guys, we need to get the luggage,"

Brad said.

**239**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Aw man, you mean we need to get dressed?"

"Nope, as far as I know, in Vegas, you can do an-

ything. Let's go in our robes."

"Right on," Jake said, still in wonderment over

the magical toilet.

They helped Mark to the sofa, handed him the

remote and walked out the door. They reached the

casino floor, walking out amongst the sea of people

without feeling the slightest bit of shame about being

barely clothed. They walked outside and down to the

parking garage without so much as catching an-

other's gaze in their direction. They untied the rope

from the van, pulled the tarp off and grabbed the

three suitcases from the top. They grabbed Mark's

suitcase and medicine bag from inside the van, re-

placing the empty spot with the wadded up tarp and

rope, then began their walk back to the hotel.

When they returned, Mark was still sitting on

the sofa, mindlessly swimming the channels.

"Welp," Daniel said, "I am ready for a nap. How

'bout you guys?"

"Agreed," Brad said. "Two beds, two sofas.

Mark, you get a bed of course and-"

**240**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Actually," Mark interrupted, "I'm perfect right

here. This sofa is amazing."

"You sure?"

"Positive. I'll take a bed tomorrow night. We can

switch off."

"Alright,' Brad said, not bothering to remind his

friend they only had the room for one night. ' I'll take

the other sofa then, you two can have the beds."

"Cool," Jake said, removing his robe, revealing

his still cut-up stomach and singed thighs. "Night

suckas, see you in when the sun goes down and the

excitement rises."

Brad hit the button on the wall controlling all the

rooms' gadgets, sending the curtains closed and

blocking out all sunlight. When everyone was set-

tled, each room had a television on and glassy-eyed

man child lying listlessly in front of it. Eventually,

they each began to doze off.

Nightfall came and the gang started waking up.

Jake was first, for the first time ever, followed by

Brad and Daniel. Mark continued to sleep soundly

on his sofa, a rerun of The Simpsons playing on the

television before him.

**241**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Let him sleep," Brad said. "We can get ready

quietly. You guys can shower first. I can wait. No big-

gie."

"Alright," Jake said, "I'm going to try out that

steam shower. Seems pretty badass. First I'm going

to sit down to take a leak, though. Hello heated toilet

seat!"

"What an idiot," Daniel said. "Actually, wait.

Yeah, I'll do that, too." They each retreated to their

respective bathrooms and closed the doors. Brad re-

turned to his sofa and flipped through the channels

until he found The Simpsons. Mark began coughing

loudly from the other room.

Brad got up to go check on him. He was still

sleeping but coughing wildly. The coughs sounded

different, though. Before they always seemed dry

and painful. These coughs seemed moist and

phlegmy. He did not know if this was a good sign or

bad. He got the medicine ready, laid it out on the ta-

ble in front of where Mark napped, and sat down be-

side him, half watching the TV, half watching Mark.

Jake emerged from the bathroom with a towel

tied around his waist. Somehow his burns managed

to look worse before they were clean.

"Dude, those things look brutal. Do they still

hurt?"

**242**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"They're more annoying than anything. The cuts

on my feet hurt the most just because they won't

seem to heal. I've had bloody socks every day since

we started this shindig. He still sleeping?"

"Yeah. He started coughing pretty badly a few

minutes ago. Gross wet coughs, not like his normal

old lady coughs. Don't know what that means. Keep

on an eye on him while I shower?"

"Of course. Check out the steam shower first,

though. It takes a few minutes to get going but once

it does, its badass."

"Will do. Thanks." Brad walked in to bathroom,

shut the door and undressed. He stepped in to the

steam shower and was instantly confused by it. He

began turning the knobs. "Come on, man. If fucking

Jacob can figure this out, you can." He fucked around

with the knobs randomly for two more minutes then

just gave up. He stepped out of the steaming area and

into the shower proper. While washing his hair, the

steam began to shoot out from the vents. "Fuckin fi-

nally. Shit."

In the living room, Jake sat watching The Simp-

sons while Mark lay coughing next to him. He was

unsure if he should wake him up or let him sleep. He

eventually decided to wake him. He put his hand on

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

his shoulder and gently shook. "Hey buddy, wake

up. You're coughing real bad."

"I'm going...-"

"What dude? You're going? Oh fuck. Dude, are

you okay? Wake up." He shook harder. Mark mum-

bled something Jake couldn't understand, then rolled

over on his back, his eyes flickering open. "You're go-

ing where, dude?"

His eyes opening and shutting, he asked,

"What?"

"You said 'I'm going...' Going where? Are you

okay?"

"I'm fine. I was dreaming I guess." He rubbed his

eyes, clearing the crusted up pieces of sleep away. He

continued to cough. Daniel came out to join them.

"You okay, dude?" Daniel asked.

"I'm fine. I need some water."

"You got it." Daniel walked to the bar and got a

glass. "You know what, I'm going to walk to the ice

machine. You love your ice."

"Oh man, that sounds great. Thanks."

**244**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

Daniel grabbed the ice bucket and his keycard

and walked out the door.

"What kind of medicine do you need?" Jake

asked.

"I don't know. I don't feel awful, it's just the

cough. It's brutal."

"It sounds brutal. Brad's in the shower. He'll

know what to give you. Just hold up for a few more

minutes."

"No sweat."

They heard the door unlock and in walked Dan-

iel.

"Shit man, that was fast."

"Ice machine was right next door. They don't

want the penthouse people to walk, apparently." He

grabbed a glass and filled it to the brim with ice,

snapped open a bottle of water and poured it in.

"Here ya go."

Mark sat up and took his water. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Let's check out this view,"

Daniel said and he pressed the OPEN CURTAINS

button on the wall. The drapes parted to reveal a

**245**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

vivid cornucopia of scintillant fluorescent setting the

night's sky ablaze with its lambent effervescence. The

three of them looked on in wonder as the city below

them came alive before them.

Brad came out wearing his shorts, toweling dry

his short black hair, becoming awestruck at the sur-

prising sight. "Good God, it's lighter now than it was

in the day time." He walked to the window and

looked down upon the city. "That is quite the sight,

isn't it. Now I know why everyone wants to come

here."

"Yeah, seeing it in the movies really doesn't do it

justice, does it?" Daniel said.

"No. Not at all."

Mark began coughing again, moisture flecking

his hand as he covered his mouth. "Shit. They're

never usually this wet. Gross."

"Let's get you some medicine, homes." Brad said

as he picked up some bottles. "I really have no idea

what you should take for the cough, though."

"Give me half a dose of the regular morphine. It

won't knock me out and it helps me breath."

"You sure?"

**246**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"I'm sure. Trust me. I really want to go down-

stairs and check some stuff out."

"Alright man." He opened the bottle and pulled

out the dropper, filling it half way. Mark opened his

mouth and lifted his tongue. Brad squeezed the

plunger and the morphine dripped out. "There

buddy. How about a bath before we go out?"

"Not a bad idea. All of us can fit in that tub."

"Let me get a few drinks in me first," Jake said,

causing everyone to laugh again. He bent over and

picked up Mark, Daniel helping. Brad went into the

bathroom and started the water in the tub.

"Dude," Brad said, "wait til you see all the bath

salts and shit they have in here." Not knowing any-

thing about such luxuries, Brad opened them all and

dumped them in the water. They stripped down

Mark and stood with him while the water filled the

room.

"Hey look, Mr. Happy looks a little happier to-

day," Jake said.

"Why are you looking at my junk?"

"Dude," Daniel said, "this has got to be the most

penis-filled trip a group a straight dudes have ever

taken. Ever. In history. Brad, you're next, stud."

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Like Jake said, let me get a few drinks in me."

"Good lord," Mark said, "this conversation took

an awkward turn. I'm naked in a room of dudes and

I'm the least gay one. How does this even work?"

Laughter again. Brad turned the water off and all

three of them helped Mark in. "This water smells like

fancy vagina."

"You're welcome," Brad said.

When everyone was dressed, they loaded Mark

back into his wheelchair and headed down to the ca-

sino. Brad hit up the ATM Machine and took out his

maximum of one-thousand dollars. He checked the

time on his phone. It was nine pm. He guessed, in

two hours, it would be midnight in Omaha and he

would be able to get out more money. The grand

would have to do for now. He was here to send his

friend out in style. He was working with, pretty

much, free money. It was time to have fun. He

handed two one-hundred dollar bills to each of his

friends. "This is to get us started. More to come in a

few hours if we need it. Much more to come tomor-

row afternoon if I can find a BofA."

"You sure, man?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, you don't have to give us money," Daniel

added.

**248**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Fuck that. It's time to have fun. Who wants to

hit the strip?"

"I do," Mark said, still fending off his cough.

"Great, let's try not to stay outside for too long

though. You don't have any blankets or anything."

They hit the exit and walked out to the brightly

illuminated strip. They had no idea even which di-

rection to walk. It was all too much to take in.

"Which way, Marcus?" Jake asked as he pushed

the wheelchair.

"Um. Right?"

"Right it is, my good sir." Jake rocked the chair

back on its two rear wheels, popping a wheelie for

Mark, then turned right and began walking. They

came across the statue of liberty.

"Dude, this shit is crazy," Mark said. "Look, there

is a castle across the street. And a pyramid. Let's go

to the castle."

"Sounds good," Brad said, and off they walked.

They took the elevator up to raised walkway, entered

New York, New York, cut through the corner of the

casino, past Coyote Ugly and out the other side,

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

where they crossed another walkway and stepped

onto a moving sidewalk, carrying them away to the

fictitious Camelot.

This casino, they noticed, was far less occupied

than the Myra. They all agreed to stay here a while

and press their luck. They strolled down to the casino

and took a look around. They didn't even know

where to begin.

"What do you guys want to play?" Mark asked.

"It's up to you, bro."

"Shit, um. Well, the only thing I know how to

play is blackjack."

"Blackjack it is, then!" They strutted around the

playing floor for a few minutes, trying to find a table

with enough available seats to fit them. They finally

found one. It was low enough for Mark to stay in his

wheelchair, so Jake removed a chair and pushed him

up to the table, then they each took their seats around

him.

The dealer welcomed them and they each

greeted him back. His name tag gave his name as

Danny, From Las Vegas. "Hey, that's my name, too."

"What a coincidence,' the dealer said, flatly.

' Are you going to buy some chips or...?"

**250**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Oh yeah, sorry. We're from out of town."

"You don't say?"

Everyone reached into their pockets and re-

moved their cash. Brad attempted to hand the dealer

his money before sharply being told he must lay it on

the felt. "My bad. Geez, sorry."

When everyone had their chips, they laid down

their first bet. No one had any clue what to do. They

all ended up losing. A waitress came around, asking

if anyone wanted drinks. Brad ordered a vodka red

bull, Daniel a bud light and Jake a Newcastle. Daniel

asked for a bottle of water and a cup of ice. Brad

opened his wallet and asked how much the drinks

would be.

"Honey," the waitress said, "they're complimen-

tary if you're playin'."

"They're free?" Daniel asked with surprise.

"Feel free to tip me, though," she said as she

walked back to the bar.

"No fucking way, dude," Jake said. "Free drinks!

Fuck yeah. Perhaps there _is_ a heaven!"

**251**

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The dealer was growing wearisome of his table

of players. "Would anyone actually like to place a bet

or shall we just chit chat and use curse words?"

"Oh shit, sorry bro."

They set out their bets and all lost again, this

time not even getting a chance to play. The dealer

flipped over a blackjack. Brad wasn't sure, but he

thought he saw the dealer smirk a bit. Asshole, he

thought.

"Well, this isn't very much fun," Jake said. "We

need free drinks, stat!"

The time passed quickly. What had seemed to be

around thirty minutes was, in reality, three hours.

The free drinks had been coming at a steady pace and

their luck had fluctuated nicely, allowing them all to

stay in the game on the hundred dollars they each set

out. Dealers had been shuffled around several times.

All of them friendly, except the one they started with.

Brad hadn't realized just how drunk he was

when Danny Dealer made his rounds back to their

table and began dealing their cards again. Brad had

become on fire. Winning multiple hands in a row and

being too drunk to care about his recklessly large

bets.

**252**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Hey Denny! Why don't you serve me up a de-

cent hand for a change!" Brad yelled.

"Dude," Mark whispered, "His name is Danny.

Just like our friend. Danny. Not Denny. And he is

making you a shit ton of money."

"Fuckin DENNY! God!" Brad said, with unwar-

ranted rage as the dealer had just dealt him his third

21 in a row. His friends tried to explain to him that

he was winning. A lot. Brad didn't care though. For

some reason, he just hated this dealer.

"Hey DENNY! How about you give me a grand

slam breakfast instead of all these shitfuck hands

you've been pawning off on me! DENNY!"

"How about you give me a tip, you cheap, drunk

bastard?"

Everyone's faces around the table recoiled in

shock.

Brad marched on. "Oh man, Denny wants to talk

some shit, huh Denny? Maybe I'd tip you if you'd

throw me some decent cards for a change, DENNY!"

"I've made you several thousand dollars."

**253**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Oh whoopty woo, several thousand, huh

Denny? Here Denny, here's five dollars, DENNY!"

Brad grabbed a red chip and rolled it along the felt.

Brad's friends, while also drunk, excluding

Mark, really wanted to get up and leave, get some

food, but recognized his ludicrous winning streak.

They kept telling each other _one more hand, one more_

_hand_ , but he just kept winning. And, God damn it, it

was making them laugh. Hard.

"Come on, DENNY! Show me what you got. I

think...You think, you're so bett-er than me. Well,

come on, DENNY!"

Danny Dealer turned to Mark, the only sober

one, and said, "This guy is a real fucking asshole."

"He has his moments," Mark replied.

"What's that Denny? What about my asshole?"

"Okay, bro, it's time to go," Daniel said. Out of

politeness to the dealer, all of them were doing their

best not to laugh, but containing it proved to demand

quite the effort. Once they were up from the table and

had gathered all of Brad's thousands and thousands

of dollars' worth of chips, all of them started cracking

up hysterically. Hard, tear inducing laughter.

**254**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Come on, man, we need to get some food," Jake

said, slurring his words. "There is a buffet upstairs.

Le's goooooo." He grabbed the handles of the wheel-

chair and they maneuvered their way onto the esca-

lator, getting off on the second floor which was

mainly filled with restaurants and mock-carnival

games.

"How about The Roundtable Buffet?" Daniel

asked.

"Yeah, fine with me," Jake said, heading towards

the restaurant straight ahead. Jake was about to order

four plates when Brad barged in front of him.

"I got this one, ladies. FOUR!" He yelled to the

cashier, perhaps a decibel or two too loud.

"Okay sir, that will be eighty-eight dollars," the

girl told him.

"No! I said FOUR!"

"Yes. Four. I can hear, sir. Eighty-eight dollars."

"No. FOUR!" Brad said sloppily, while lamely at-

tempting to hold up four fingers.

"Jesus Christ," Jake said, stealing Brad's wallet

from his back pocket and removing a hundred dollar

bill.

**255**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Here you go. Pardon him. He's a bit...lost."

"Sadly, I have dealt with worse. Much much

worse," the cashier said, handing Jake a receipt.

"Keep this on your table, okay."

"You got it, darlin. Thanks."

The four of them made their way through the

maze of line barriers, Mark and his driver having

quite a bit of difficulty managing the maneuvers, be-

fore realizing there was a bypass line for wheelchairs.

"Oh well," Mark said.

They reached the buffet tables which proved to

be just about the largest gathering of food any of

them had ever laid their eyes on. Two massively long

rows, each double sided, which came to a T at the

end, jetting off in both directions with even more

food. They each grabbed a tray, save for Mark whose

small plate shared a tray with Daniel, and began

working their way down the chow line. By the time

they made it back to their table, each had a piled-high

plate with seemingly-random, eclectic selections of

food.

Mark picked at the fruit he had chosen, while the

others, brains still quite unbalanced from their ine-

briation, dug in like pigs. "Anyone else find it kinda

**256**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

funny that in a place called The Roundtable Buffet,

every single table is rectangle?" Jake asked.

"Eating. Shu'p," Brad said, shoveling a heaping

forkful of turkey and mashed potatoes down his gul-

let. "Hey what the fuck?"

"What?" Daniel asked.

Brad took a moment to respond. He had become

transfixed on a foursome sitting at a booth near them.

"This bitch," he said, his eyes still locked on the booth.

"This bitch is staring at me!" Everyone turned. Sure

enough, one of the ladies, who appeared to be in her

late fifties, was staring right at Brad for some reason.

Jake had just taken a rather generous bite of his tur-

key right when Brad slammed his fist down on the

table causing all the dishes to rattle, then pointed

straight at the woman and yelled "Yeah! This bitch

right here! Yeah, you!"

Laughter broke out at their table with their

friend's outburst. Jake tried hard to swallow his food

before allowing himself to give in to the hysterics, but

he failed miserably. The half-chewed turkey in his

mouth had begun its journey down to his stomach,

traveling south, when it was suddenly blocked by his

attempt to stifle a giggle, thus causing it to change its

direction, begin traveling upwards through his si-

nuses and come shooting free out of both nostrils.

The rocketed chunks of slobber-and-booger-glazed

**257**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

turkey landed dead center on Daniel's plate. Mark

was the only one who noticed, causing his already

painful laughter to grow more prominent. Jake

quickly turned his attention back to the stunned

woman sitting at the booth.

"Seriously," Daniel asked, "what the fuck is she

looking at?"

"Look away, lady!" Brad yelled. "Just look away.

Don't make me punch that guy you're with! I will do

it!"

Mark knew fully well that he should have put an

end to it. The fact that he pretty much refused to only

temporarily made him feel bad. It was actually taken

over quite quickly with a sudden, euphoric feeling. It

almost made him feel alive. Healthy. He continued to

watch and laugh as the entire scene unfolded before

him, including the moment when Daniel took a bite

of Jake's snot food, realizing much too late that some-

thing was wrong. When the foursome from the booth

eventually grabbed their plates and moved to an-

other table on the other side of the restaurant, he was

so exhausted from the laughter he could barely sit up

straight or hold his eyes open. He didn't want to ruin

everyone's night by asking to go back to the hotel, but

he feared if he stayed much longer his pain would

return. He just wanted a bed. He was about to speak

up when a manager came to their table and, rather

**258**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

rudely, escorted them off the premises, telling them

they were lucky he didn't call the cops.

"More like, _YOU'RE_ LUCKY!" Brad yelled, mak-

ing no sense whatsoever.

"Fucking children," the manager said, now being

escorted by three large security guards. "Grow up,

gentlemen."

"Don't touch my friend, fucknards!" Brad yelled

to a guard who, apparently, had stepped a little too

close to Mark's wheelchair. "He's dying of cancer,

you fat fuck! And this is how you treat him! By

throwing us out! Fuck you, you neckless roll of dog

cock!"

"Dude, calm down," Mark said quietly, still feel-

ing exhausted and now quite embarrassed. Or was it

ridiculous happiness? He wasn't quite sure.

After leaving the building, they walked to the

strip and hung a left, heading back to their hotel.

"What the hell do I do with my pocket full of...kryp-

tonite, owwwww!"

"What?" Daniel asked.

"Chips. I mean, my chizips, negro!"

**259**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"We'll go back tomorrow and cash them in. I

think I heard someone say you can cash them in at

other casinos, too. We'll see. Walking is hard. Shee-

it."

"Yeah man, I'm beat. I can't even feel my legs,"

Jake said. "I think I drank a wee-bit too much."

"Le's get more drink for th'walk," Brad mum-

bled.

"Yeah, alright,' Daniel said as he ducked into a

convenience store they happened to be passing.

"Wait here. I got this. Marcus, water?"

"Please," he answered softly, barely staying

awake. Daniel returned moments later with a plastic

bag. He reached in, grabbed Mark's water, twisted

the cap off and handed it to him. "Thanks."

"No sweat. For the rest of you assholes I got

some drink called Four Locos. No idea what it is but

it sounded funny. Here you go, ese." He passed the

cans off.

Jake was the first to take a swig. "Oh god, it

tastes like someone drank a bunch of Tang and then

pissed it in to this can!"

**260**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"Oh yeah?" Brad asked, popping the top on his

and taking a gulp. "Hey, it does!" Despite the objec-

tions to its taste, they all three polished off their cans

on the way back. Once back at The Myra, the earth

seemed to be shuffling beneath their feet. Whatever

was in a Four Loco, while foul tasting, had fucked

them up. Badly. They stumbled towards the elevator,

Brad actually running into the security guard block-

ing their way.

"Oh shizzz, sorry son. We gots to gets to our

roooooooom."

"I'm going to need to see your key, sir." The

guard instructed.

"I got my key riiiii here!" Brad said, digging deep

into this pocket, spilling out several hundred dollar

chips before successfully fishing out the object of his

search. He held the key card up for the guard to see

then licked the backside of it, for no real reason at all.

The guard undid the rope, a disgusted look on his

face, and let the group pass. Mark was fast asleep de-

spite the fact he had been steered into a wall on more

than one occasion since the Four Locos had hit home

on Daniel.

They traveled upwards, eventually arriving at

their room. They lifted Mark from his chair and laid

him in bed then they each gravitated to the closest

available source of comfort.

**261**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Mark woke himself up soon after being placed

in bed. His cough was agonizing. He felt weak, the

weakest he'd felt in a while. A few times throughout

the night he was almost sure death was imminent.

His throat hurt worse and worse with each passing

bark. It was bone dry. He could feel his inflated uvula

stuck to the roof of his mouth. He could produce no

moisture to release it. He began to taste blood. He

coughed more and more, the bitter sapor of blood

growing stronger. He looked at his pillowcase. It was

spotted with flecks of crimson so dark it looked black

in the low light of the room. He reached clumsily to-

wards the bottle of water sitting on the nightstand. It

was just out of reach. He rolled to his side, the pain

surging through his body like an electrocution, to

further his reach. With the tip of his fingers he limply

grabbed the bottle. He was too weak to keep his

grasp and the bottle fell to the floor, spilling the wa-

ter on the plush beige carpet below.

This is it, he thought. This is how I die. In a Las

Vegas hotel room so close to our destination.

His eyes slammed slut as the imposing light

flashed on. He heard voices but they were far off. He

felt hands on him. Whose, he did not know. His

coughing continued, each one more painful than the

last. Blood dripping down his throat. Blood escaping

**262**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

via his parted lips. He began to choke. A foreign liq-

uid had begun rolling down his esophagus. His face

was wet. Someone was pouring water in his mouth.

Brad was on the bed, both knees on either side

of Mark, holding him down while Jake poured the

water into Mark's mouth. Both of their faces were

flecked with blood spots. Daniel was in the bathroom

getting a washcloth. When he returned, he placed the

damp towel on Mark's forehead. He had been sweat-

ing profusely.

"Hold on, buddy." Brad yelled.

"Come on, man, it'll be okay. Just swallow the

water," Jake said, being careful not to pour too much

at one time.

"Dude, Danny, I need the morphine. He's cough-

ing and having trouble breathing. That'll open up his

lungs."

"Shit man. Shit. Okay. Is...Is this it?"

"I don't know, man! Just get the fucking mor-

phine."

"Please don't die, dude," Jake pleaded. "Come

on, man. We're going to the beach. We can go today

if you want. You just have to stay with us."

**263**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Yeah man, you don't want to die in a Las Vegas

hotel room. You're not a cheap hooker or a drug ad-

dict."

"Or mob affiliated," Jake added.

"Yeah. Or mob affiliated. You're not allowed to

die here!"

Daniel came rushing in from the other room

with a bottle of morphine. "What do I do?"

"Fill the whole plunger up; who cares? Squeeze

it under his tongue, or as close as possible. Should

work really fast." Mark kept coughing as he tried to

swallow the water. Brad's face was dripping with di-

luted blood. Daniel placed the plunger in Mark's

mouth and squeezed. "Don't give him any more wa-

ter. Let the medicine work."

Jake backed away. "Okay man. Hope it works."

His face was streamed with tears. He used the back

of his sleeve to wipe them away. He felt helpless,

standing there in the bedroom with his back to the

window, waiting for something to happen. Any-

thing. Mark seemed to calm a bit. Brad swung his leg

around removing the improvised barricade and

stepped off the bed. Daniel was still standing over

Mark, in total shock. He didn't know if he succeeded

or if he fucked everything up and killed his best

friend. They waited silently. Staring at their friend. A

**264**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

sliver of light peered into the room. It was morning.

They were supposed to check out today.

"Thank you," Mark said softly. Brad broke out in

tears. He made no effort to conceal them.

"Fuck man, why did you scare us like that?!"

"Am I dead?"

"No, thank goodness. You are not dead."

"Jesus dude, you about gave me a heart attack,"

Jake said.

"Me too," Daniel said, still hovering, glassy-eyed

over the bed.

"I think I saw my parents."

Brad laughed a nervous, happy chuckle. "Oh

yeah?"

"I think so." He clenched his eyes shut then

opened them, hoping to regain focus. Brad's face

came clear first. "What the hell happened to you?

You're bleeding."

Brad wiped his face with the back of his hand,

noticing the red smears across it. "No, I'm not. You

**265**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

were. You scared the living shit out of us. How are

you feeling?"

"Like death."

"Can you move?"

"I don't want to."

"Okay, you just rest then. As soon as you feel up

to it we're going to get you bathed and change your

clothes. You coughed up a whole lot of blood."

"Just give me a few minutes."

"Take your time. We're not leaving this room."

"Guys?"

"Yeah buddy?" Jake asked.

"I'm a mess."

"Yes," Brad said. "Yes you are."

Mark could feel a moist, warm sensation below

his waist. He hoped it wasn't we he thought it was. "I

think I may have shit..."

**266**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"I know, man." Brad said. "It's okay. Like I said,

we're going to get you cleaned up just as soon as

you're ready."

"I pulled a Jake."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Hey!" Jake said. "Jerkface."

Mark smiled and fell back into darkness.

Brad collapsed in the corner chair and relieved a

heavy sigh. Jake slid down the wall and sat on the

carpet. Daniel had yet to move. Still standing near the

bed holding the bottle of morphine. Petrified. "Well,

there's a cure for a hangover. Jesus."

"Right?" Brad said. "I thought I was going to

have a heart attack. I thought that was it for sure."

"Me too," Jake said.

"What did he mean he pulled a Jake?"

"Um. No idea." Jake circled his ear with his index

finger and said, "Cuckoo."

**267**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Brad patted his knees with his hands then stood

up. "Welp, I've got a few calls to make. I promised

Jen I'd check in with her today and I need to call the

lobby and rent this room out for another night. He is

not going anywhere today."

"Okay man, we'll keep a watch on him," Daniel

said.

"Take a load off, man, you're giving me anxiety."

Brad left the room and walked to the office area. He

picked up the hotel's phone and was connected with

the front desk.

"Good morning Mr. Augustine," a friendly

woman's voice answered.

"Hi. Yes. I'm in the penthouse. I forget the num-

ber..."

"Yes sir, I have your information right here.

What can I help you with?"

"Yeah, we've had a bit of a problem up here and

we won't be able to leave today. We need to rent the

room for another night."

"I'm sorry, sir, you're room is already booked for

tonight. I'd be happy to relocate you to a different

room."

**268**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Negative. We have someone very, very sick up

here. We can't move him. It was unexpected. He is

sleeping and there is no way we can move him. We

cannot leave this room. I'm really sorry. You have my

credit card on file, do whatever you need to do. We

absolutely will not be checking out tonight. Upgrade

the other guy to a better room on my dime, if you

need to. I don't care."

"Sir, all our upgrades are booked as well. We

have to relocate-"

"I don't care what you do. I'm sorry for being

rude but we will not be leaving. Also, we need new

linens." Brad hung up. He felt like a prick for getting

short with the woman on the line, but he didn't have

time to dwell. He found his iPhone plugged into the

wall, grabbed it and dialed his wife.

In the bedroom, Jake flipped on the television,

turning the volume down low, and swam the chan-

nels looking for absolutely anything even remotely

entertaining to watch. Something funny, he hoped.

Mark coughed and opened his eyes again. "It

feels like someone is standing on my chest," he

wheezed.

Jake and Daniel stood up and walked to the bed.

"What'd you say, dude?" Jake asked.

**269**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"I'm having trouble breathing," he said, barely

above a whisper.

"How about we get you in the steam shower?"

Daniel asked.

"I'm too weak to move."

"We'll get you there."

"I'll go fire it up," Jake said, striding towards the

bathroom. Daniel pulled the covers back on Mark to

discover the brown mess near his waste and far more

blood specks than he noticed before.

"Shit."

"Sorry," Mark whispered.

"No, no. That's not what I meant. Sorry." Daniel

grabbed Mark's sweatpants and underwear and

pulled them slowly, leaving streaks of dark brown

along the way. It didn't bother him though. Some-

how, someway, he knew he was doing what he had

to do. Something he never thought he would be able

to do. "We need to get these sheets off, too. When you

get out of the shower you can sleep in the other bed."

Mark didn't answer. He just continued to lie

there, motionless. Embarrassed at his situation. I

should have just died in a hospital, he thought. Save

**270**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

everyone the trouble of going through this. "I'm

sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

Jake returned from the bathroom, the sound of

the steam shower filling the air. "Brad, we need your

help," he called out.

In the office, Brad shot up from his seat, telling

his wife he had to go real fast and he would call her

soon. They said their I Love Yous and Brad ended the

call, running into the bedroom.

The bed was a disaster, stained with runny shit

and spots of blood. In the center there was Mark, na-

ked. It was a horrible sight. Brad was devastated to

see his friend like this.

"We're going to take him into the steam shower.

He's having trouble breathing."

"Okay. You okay with that, Marcus?"

He answered by slightly nodding his head for-

ward.

"Alright then. Let's get this done." He walked to

the other side of the bed and reached for Mark's right

arm. Jake took the left and they slowly lifted Mark to

an upright position. The pain was excruciating. He

**271**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

groaned loudly in agony. When Daniel hooked his

arms under Mark's armpits, the pain grew too in-

tense to bear and he blacked out, slouching forward.

"Oh shit! What happened?" Daniel asked, pan-

icked.

"Shit, he blacked out," Brad said. "Okay, let's just

get this done A.S.A.F.P.!"

Daniel leaned forward into the dark mess of the

bed and pulled Mark to his feet, holding him vertical

while Brad came around and grabbed his feet. To-

gether they lifted him into the bathroom. Jake ripped

the sheets from the bed and rolled them into a ball in

the center of the mattress. He stripped the pillow-

cases off and threw them in the pile then took the pil-

lows into the bathroom.

Jake, taking a shortcut to the shower by stepping

in the bathtub then hopping out on the opposite side,

opened the shower door, threw the pillows in, then

entered, clearing the path for the other three. They

carefully carried Mark in and set him on one of the

pillows Jake had thrown on the tile bench seat. Jake

had to step into the adjoining shower to make room

for the other guests.

The steam was shooting from the vents, fogging

up all the glass in the bathroom. Daniel, Brad and

Jake, now inside the steam shower and regular

**272**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

shower, situated Mark comfortably on the seat and

closed the door.

"What a sight this must be from an outsider,"

Brad said, giggling at the thought of three fully

clothed men taking a steam with one sleeping, naked

man.

"Totally straight," Jake said, causing more laugh-

ter.

"Damn bro, this is harder than I thought," Daniel

said, talking over the hissing sound of the steam. "I

mean- I did okay, right?"

"Dude, you did great," Brad said. "I'm proud of

you. If you can handle this, you can take on any-

thing."

"I was thinking...ya know, about what Mark said

the other night. About us all being lost, needing to be

found."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. When we, ya know, get back home...I

think. I mean, I am going to the courts or whatever. I

need to start paying child support for my daughter.

Even if Aub still refuses to see me, I want to do it.

It's...-"

**273**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Dude, that's amazing."

"Yeah, man, that's great. Now I don't want to

kick your ass so badly," Jake said.

"So says the man that fucked the fat girl to throw

up a diversion for the rest of us to steal a terminal

cancer patient and a bag full of drugs."

"Meh, whatevs. Just sayin, I'm proud of you. We

all are."

"Thanks. Maybe soon she'll let me back into their

lives. What the fuck was I thinking?"

"I don't know, man."

"I wasn't thinking. I was being fucking selfish

and childish. Like always. I fucked up. Bad, bro. "

"Yeah, you did. But you're making the right

move now."

"Shit like this, ya know, it puts stuff in perspec-

tive."

Mark coughed. It sounded much wetter than the

previous ones. Everyone stopped talking, hearts

beating fast, waiting for whatever would come next.

**274**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Mark opened his eyes. He was confused. For a mo-

ment, he thought he was in the clouds. Brad noticed

the look of confusion on his face. "We're here dude."

Mark looked around, noticing he was naked in a

room full of fully clothed men, sitting on a pillow in

his own feces. It was hot. What he mistook as a cloud

was steam. He had no idea where he was, why he

was there, or what the fuck was going on.

"You're in the steam shower, remember bro?"

Daniel said.

"Yeah," Jake said. "We just kinda, ya know, de-

cided to hang out with you."

"This is pretty gay, guys."

"Yeah, so?"

"So nothin. Thank you."

"Close call back there, dude," Brad said. "We

thought we were going to lose you. How's the breath-

ing?"

"Better."

"Good. We're going to give you a bath after this.

We thought the steam would help you breath."

**275**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Mark nodded.

"I'll go get the water running in the tub," Daniel

said, opening the door and exiting the steam shower.

When the door closed and the bath water running,

Brad leaned in to Mark and told him the good news

about Daniel. Marks shoulders went slack, his eyes

closed and a smile formed on his face.

When they finished bathing him and dressing

him in clean pajamas, Daniel carried Mark into the

other bedroom and tucked him in. Jake made a glass

of ice water and set it on the nightstand, while Brad

wadded up the soiled linen and threw them in the

bathtub, running hot water over them.

When everyone reconvened in the bedroom,

Mark asked, "Aren't we supposed to leave today?"

"Don't worry about that. We're going to stay un-

til you are ready to go."

"I want you guys to go have a nice dinner to-

night, or something. Without me."

"Well, that's not going to happen."

"Please. I'll be fine. I'll have my phone on me. I

just want you guys to go have fun without having to

worry about me."

**276**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"We'll talk about that later, man," Jake said.

"Right now, you just get your sleep."

Mark closed his eyes and the others left him in

peace. In the living room, the tone grew somber. "I

don't think he's going to last much longer," Brad said.

"I know. You think that's why he wants us to

leave tonight? Does he know?"

"This sucks," Daniel said. "Did we do the right

thing? He's in pain. He should be in a hospital."

"Well, it's too late to worry about that," Brad

said. "We need to respect his wishes though. What-

ever he wants."

"This is too hard."

"I know it is."

They sat silently on the sofa, staring mindlessly

at the television, hardly saying a word to each other.

Outside the sun was making its descent out of sight

as the bright lights of Las Vegas began burning up

the night sky once again. In the bedroom, Mark's

phone began vibrating boisterously on the glass-

topped nightstand. Daniel bolted upright and

dashed into the room, snagging the phone from the

table quickly as to not wake Mark. He carried it out

into the living room area, still ringing.

**277**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Shit. It's Samantha."

"What the fuck does that whore want?" Brad

asked.

"How should I know?"

"Answer it," Jake said.

Daniel slid his finger across the Answer bar on

the iPhone and held it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Danny?" Samantha's soft voice did nothing but

further Daniel's lividity.

"Yeah."

"Where's Mark?" She began crying like a blub-

bering idiot. Daniel wished she was standing in front

of him so he could slap her like the bitch she was.

"He's asleep."

"Oh my god, I just heard what happened. I'm so

sorry."

"Save your sorries for someone who gives a rat's

fat ass, Samantha."

**278**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

Her crying grew louder. "Don't be like that.

Please let me talk to him."

Daniel lowered his voice. He didn't want to take

the chance of Mark hearing him. In his enraged

whisper he said, "Fuck you, bitch. You don't deserve

to talk to him and even more so, he doesn't deserve

to _have_ to talk to you! You think you can just walk out

on him when he fucking needed you the most and

you can make an eleventh hour call to clear your con-

science?" She was sobbing wildly now. "Fuck you.

You're wrong, you selfish whore. I hope you fucking

die alone, just like how you left my best friend." He

hit the end call button and tossed the phone onto the

sofa. "What fucking nerve. You believe that shit?"

"What'd she want?"

"She _'just heard_ ' and wanted to talk to him.

Where does she get the balls?"

"Good job, though," Jake said. "You really stuck

it in and broke it off. Go Danny!"

"Thanks." They heard loud gurgling sounds

from the bedroom. "Was that his stomach?"

Jake and Brad shot straight up from their seats

and rushed into the bedroom with Daniel to survey

the situation. Mark was awake.

**279**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Hey bro, how you feelin?" Daniel asked.

"I'm okay," he whispered. "I'll be fine."

"What can we get you, dude?" Brad asked.

"I'll take some ice if it's handy."

"You got it. I'll go grab some," Jake said, leaving

the room.

"Hey," Mark said. "I think I'm just going to sleep

tonight. I'm really tired."

"That's fine, buddy," Brad said. "Not a problem

at all."

"But I want you guys to go downstairs for a

while. Go have a fun night in Vegas without having

to worry about your stupid sick friend. Go get some

dinner, throw a few cards."

"You're out of your mind if you think we're leav-

ing you here."

"Guys. I'm fine. I promise. I'll have my phone on

me at all times. If anything happens, all I have to do

is press a button and say your name and Siri will call

you. Just stay in the hotel."

**280**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

"Nope. Not happening, bro," Daniel said as Jake

returned with a cup of ice.

"What's not happening?"

"Mark wants to stay here and sleep while we go

downstairs and have fun."

"Oh."

"I promise I will be fine. I'm not sending you

away so I can die. If I wanted to die alone I wouldn't

have come on this trip. Remember? It really would

just mean a lot to me if you guys had a fun night out.

Just one of you stay semi-sober. That's all I ask. Oh,

and have your phones on you at all time. Please?"

Daniel, Brad and Jake exchanged curious

glances at each other.

"Fine," Brad said. "We won't be gone long

though and you better call us if ANYTHING hap-

pens. Fucking swear to me. I don't care if it's a cough

or a boner, you call us!"

"I promise. Just go have fun." His body was shut-

ting down. His vision was severely impaired. It was

his time to go. He could feel it in his bones and in the

hollowness of his insides. He was embarrassed about

what may happen. He didn't know if death would

take him peacefully or harshly. If he wept in pain, he

**281**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

didn't want that to be the final memory his friends

had of him. He would try to hold on for as long as

possible but the feeling in his aching gut told him it

was a futile encumbering.

"We're going to make it to the beach, you know,"

Daniel told him.

"I hope so," Mark replied. "I truly do."

"Don't worry," Brad said. "We will. I promise."

"I can't wait. I mean that. In fact, I want to get

there more than anything." After a brief period of si-

lence, Mark encouraged them to go, again. They

agreed.

Daniel, Brad and Jake got dressed and made

sure everything was set up for Mark and within his

reach, then took the elevator to the casino level and

exited, a pit in each of their stomachs.

"He's right," Jake said, finally breaking a much-

too-long silence. "If he wanted to die alone he would-

n't be here with us. He's just tired and wants peace

and quiet."

"I hope you're right," Daniel said.

"Me too. Me too." They stood there in silence for

a moment before Jake started back up. ' Hey, I heard

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THE LOST AND FOUND

someone talking downstairs about some guy here

last week or whatever who accidently killed himself

in the closet while he was jerkin' off!"

' Awesome!'' Brad said, as they all shared a

laugh the rest of the trip down.

They made their way through the grounds,

phones firmly grasped in their hands, and headed for

a cafe. Upstairs, Mark sat himself up, painfully and

scooted towards the edge of the bed. He swung his

legs off and used his weak arms to slide himself into

his wheelchair.

He went into the office area, pushed the chair

out of the way and wheeled himself up to the desk.

He uncapped a pen and tore off a sheet of paper from

the hotel stationary. He composed two letters,

stuffed them each into an envelope and addressed

them with the help of his phone's contact list. When

the envelopes were sealed he picked up the landline

and was connected with the front desk.

"Hi. I have kind of an odd request. Maybe you

can help." Each word caused his throat to burn. Writ-

ing the letters had exhausted him. He wanted noth-

ing more to crawl back into bed and sleep.

"Yes sir, I'd be more than happy to assist you."

**283**

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GRANT FIELDGROVE

"I have two letters that need to be sent out. I am

in a wheelchair though and cannot leave the room at

the moment. They are quite urgent. I also have no

stamps. Is there any way you can send someone up

and have him add them to your outgoing mail? There

is a credit card on file. Charge whatever you need."

"That can be arranged, sir. I will send someone

momentarily."

"Thank you so much."

"Is there anything else I can assist you with to-

day?"

"That'll do it. Again, thank you."

"You are welcome, sir, and thank you for staying

at The Myra."

He sat and waited patiently. He wheeled himself

near the door. Soon, a man came and took the letters.

Mark thanked him and returned to the bedroom. The

small task had drained him of every ounce of energy.

He rested in his chair at the side of the bed for a mo-

ment, trying to work up the strength to get in. He

held out his arm and braced it on the nightstand. He

used his other arm to push off of the wheelchair's

arm rest. He was almost fully to his feet when his vi-

sion blurred. His heart felt like it was stopping and

he began to sweat. His arms buckled and the wheels

**284**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

of his chair rotated away from him. He fell forward,

his forehead crashing into the edge of the nightstand,

chipping off a piece of the hard, glass top, before

sending his body to the floor. Blood trickled from his

head as he lay on the floor unconscious.

**285**

****

I made tonight a memory

I can walk for miles and miles

I left a shadow at her feet

I can see her all alone

The night itself, a reverie

I can dream this out for a while

I keep her lost in lock and key

'Cause she's just my kind of style

She takes my hand and leads me in

It is not over

She sets the mood so I begin

And I walk over

She speaks the word to make me grin

Can I please have her?

We grab a hold to brace the end

This is what I am speaking of

I made tonight a memory

Yeah you took me higher and higher

You make it hard for me to leave

But I'm coming back to you

She takes my hand and leads me in

It is not over

She sets the mood so I begin

And I walk over

She speaks a word to make me grin

Can I please have her

We grab a hold to brace the end

This is what I am speaking of

I crawl my way back in your head

To hear you speak and dream again

To touch your lips from deep within

A bit like love and heroin

I'll cross the grave, invite the bands

Carry you out when the world ends

I'll crash away and lose you when

You're in my arms just like the wind

It's not over, over, over

It's not over, over, over

THE LOST AND FOUND

**J** ake, Daniel and Brad finished up their burgers

from the American Cafe, paid the bill and walked

back out into the casino. Brad pressed the home but-

ton on his iPhone to check the time. They had been

gone a little over an hour. "Well, what now boys?"

"Hell if I know," Daniel said with a shoulder

shrug.

"I don't even want to be down here," Jake said.

"We should be with Mark."

"Yeah, I agree," Brad said. "We did what he

wanted. We got dinner. Let's head back up."

"Agreed, Sancho," Daniel said.

They made their way back through the crowded

casino floor, cutting in and out of sexy ladies and

drunk flat-billed, tight-t-shirted douchebags, finally

reaching the elevators, flashing their keycard and

stepping aboard the lift. They exited the elevator on

their floor and swiped their key through the lock.

They opened the door.

"Hey," Jake said, "how pissed would you be to

be a black guy with a small dick? Like, all those urban

myths and you're the one black dude with the pinky-

" He cut off mid-sentence when he realized the room

was silent.

**287**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"He's still sleeping, I guess."

"Well, we _have_ only been gone an hour, dude."

Brad smiled, "Oh yeah. I'll go check on him. Let's

order a movie or something. TV here stinks." He

walked into the bedroom and saw the empty bed. He

was confused at first. The wheelchair was still by the

bed but Mark was nowhere to be found. Panic imme-

diately began to rise in him. He walked softly to-

wards the bed. "Marcus?"

When he reached the mattress he could see

Mark's foot jetting from the other side of the bed. "Oh

fuck me! Guys!" Brad ran around the bed and discov-

ered Mark laying face first on the carpet. He reached

out to grab him. "Mark! Oh fuck. Mark!"

Daniel and Jake came rushing in. "Oh shit!" Jake

yelled as they ran around to give Brad a hand. "What

happened?"

"I have no idea."

Daniel picked up the wheelchair and tossed it

against the wall, making room. "Roll him over."

They straightened Mark out on the floor and

gently rolled him to his back. His forehead was split

open. Blood had stopped spilling out and dried in a

**288**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

horizontal line across his brow. "Oh shit, dude," Jake

said, panicked. "We shouldn't have left him. Fuck."

"Is he dead?" Daniel asked quietly.

"I don't think so. He's got a pulse. Barely."

Mark's eyes opened slightly. "Hey buddy, it's us.

What happened?"

His voice was soft. Instead of the normal dry,

raspy sound his speech usually made, his words felt

mumbled and congested. His throat unable to clear

the secretions from within it. "It's time for me to go."

Jake stood back up and retrieved his phone from

his pocket. "I'm calling 9-1-1! We've got to get him to

a hospital."

"Good," Brad said.

Daniel took a few steps back, surveying the situ-

ation. Panicking, he began mumbling, "We fucked

up. We shouldn't have done this. We fucked up."

Brad pulled Mark up to a seated position. "We're

going to get you to a hospital. I'm so sorry." Heavy

streams of tears were flowing from everyone. Brad

could hardly get the words out.

**289**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Jake walked into the other room, relaying the

emergency to the dispatcher. Daniel was still backed

away, berating himself. Brad looked down at his

friend. Mark shook his head slightly.

"What dude?" Brad whispered to him.

Mark tried to find the strength to talk but only

could move his lips silently.

"Try, man." Brad leaned in closer.

Mark began to speak. "No hospital."

"You are insane. We have to get you there!

Now!"

Mark's right hand rose up and loosely gripped

Brad's forearm, pulling him back down. "I don't want

to die in a hospital."

Brad's tears became steady again, dripping

down upon Mark. "You're not going to die, dude."

He shook his head yes, disagreeing with his

friend. "If I wanted to die in..." He coughed; a wet,

aqueous hack that sent droplets of spittle hurling at

Brad's tear-soaked face. ..."hospital, I wouldn't...have

come on...this trip."

**290**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

"So what, you want to die on a Las Vegas hotel

room floor? This is stupid. Jake is calling right now."

"You said...beach...four hours a...way. I can

make it."

Brad turned to face Daniel, still sobbing against

the wall. "What?"

"He said he can make it to the beach. He doesn't

want to die here or at the hospital. This is it."

Jake came in from the other room. "Ambulance

is on the way. Should we move him or wait?" Jake

saw the expressions on his friends' faces but could

not make out their connotation. "What?"

"Get the keys," Brad barked.

"What? The ambulance is on the way."

"Fuck the ambulance!" Daniel said, joining Brad

at Mark's side. He knelt down and they picked up

their friend, gently, and placed him in his wheel-

chair.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Jake screamed.

"We're going to Santa Monica! Get the keys!"

**291**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

Jake stood there for a second more, collecting his

thoughts. Daniel picked up Mark's glass of water

from the nightstand and hurled it in Jake's basic di-

rection, not trying to injure him, but to inspire him to

get the fucking lead out! Jake snapped to and ran

back into the other room just as the glass shattered

against the television.

Mark's pain was intense. He moaned loudly

while sitting in his chair. He couldn't stay upright.

Brad turned the chair around, grabbed the morphine

and they headed towards the living room. Jake

grabbed the keys from the table. "What about our

stuff?"

"Fuck our stuff!" Daniel snapped.

They pushed their way out into the hall and

down to the elevator. They exited on the bottom floor

and began a mad dash through the still-crowded ca-

sino and burst out into the cool Las Vegas night. They

continued their sprint towards the parking garage,

the jerky movements causing Mark to slip in and out

of consciousness. They went unnoticed when they ar-

rived but were now drawing quite the interesting

glances. Jake ran into a woman, sending them both

to the ground. The three continued on as Jake offered

his sincere apologies, got up and continued his

sprint.

**292**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

They reached the van, hit the buttoned key and

waited for the door to slide open. Brad hopped in the

backseat and grabbed Mark's arms, lifting him from

his chair as Jake and Daniel pushed him upwards.

The pain was unbearable for Mark but he did his best

to conceal it. This was his wish. He did not need his

friends feeling any worse about their situation. Brad

climbed into the driver's seat while Daniel and Jake

got Mark situated and started the engine. It roared to

life. He checked the fuel gage. They had half a tank.

They would never make it without stopping. Shit,

Brad thought, slamming his fists on the steering

wheel. "Let's go!"

Daniel stepped out of the backseat and opened

the passenger's side door and sat down. Jake slid his

door shut and continued getting Mark situated as

Brad threw the gear into reverse and tore ass out of

the garage. The traffic was light on the strip. They fol-

lowed the signs until they reached the I-15 South. The

freeway was barren in the late night hour. Brad had

the gas petal touching floorboard. He hoped they

would not get pulled over. The minivan inched to-

wards the 100 marker on the speedometer.

They blasted through Primm without giving it a

second thought and entered California a mere

twenty-five minutes after departing Las Vegas. Brad

watched as the gas gauge needle continued its south

bound descent. With less than a quarter of a tank,

they opted to make a quick stop at Baker, home of the

**293**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

world's largest thermometer. Brad gassed up while

Daniel hurried inside and got Mark a giant cup of ice

and a bottle of water, even though he had no realistic

intention of either one going to use. Five minutes

later, gas tank full, they continued their southern

journey at the van's top speed.

When they passed through Barstow, Mark had

slipped into unconsciousness. Daniel took out his

phone and pulled up the map to make sure they

made no false moves. They couldn't afford to waste

any time.

Jake grabbed Mark's hand. "Dude, his skin is ice

cold! We're losing him." Tears began forming in his

eyes again. "His leg keeps twitching, too. It's freaking

me out."

Brad turned his head, foot still pressed on the

gas petal, "Hang in there, buddy. I promise you we're

going to make it."

"How about some water?" Daniel asked, break-

ing the seal on the bottle her purchased in Baker. He

handed it back to Jake, "Here dude, put this in his cup

holder."

Mark continued to sit slumped backwards in his

chair, right leg involuntarily rocking back and forth.

Lips so dry you could see the blood pooling in the

tiny cracks. He began coughing; horrible sounding,

**294**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

phlegm rattling barks that echoed throughout the

van. Jake squeezed his hand harder, "Hang in the,

dude. We're going to make it."

Daniel, using his iPhone's GPS, called out direc-

tions to Brad. They merged on to the 210 West, then

to the 605, the 60 and finally onto the I-10 towards

Santa Monica. It was the early hours of the morning.

The streets were deserted.

"Exit here!" Daniel shouted as they nearly flew

by their Lincoln Boulevard off-ramp. Brad jerked the

van's steering wheel hard to the right, narrowly mak-

ing the turn. The sharp movement awoke Mark. He

was confused, disoriented. He couldn't speak. He

couldn't even move. The van continued to race down

Lincoln, past the 3rd Street Promenade, as the ocean

came into view. "Holy shit, dude."

Brad tried to slam on the break but was a mo-

ment too late. The van skidded into a city fire hy-

drant, destroying it. Water shot up at the undercar-

riage of the van at a ferocious pressure, filling the in-

side with a thunderous detonation. He threw the

gear into park and he and Daniel opened their doors

and stepped out into the puissant flood beneath

them.

Daniel slid open the side door. Jake was kneel-

ing, looking at Mark. "Dude, his skin is blue."

**295**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

"Grab him," Brad commanded.

Jake clenched his eyes shut, reached out and

rocked Mark forward into his arms. He backed out of

the van, stepping foot in the massive puddle. Water

was shooting from under the car in every direction.

He took a step backwards onto the curb, still support-

ing Mark's entire slacked weight. Daniel began pull-

ing on the folded wheelchair, trying desperately to

remove it from the van.

"It's stuck! God damn it!"

Brad came around and began tugging on it. Be-

hind them, the sun was beginning to peak out and

flood the night's sky with a glowing, bright orange.

In his arms, Jake could feel Mark's slow breathing.

"He's seriously barely breathing, guys!"

"Okay," Brad yelled, panicked. "Fuck the wheel

chair. We carry him!"

Daniel turned and grabbed Mark's legs and

lifted them. Jake held his arms and Brad lifted the

slack in his back. They began to run awkwardly to-

wards the sea, leaving the van's door wide open, half

a wheelchair dangling from the opening while water

soaked the inside.

**296**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

They ran across Ocean Avenue, through a small,

grassy park and down concrete stairs leading to the

sand. Mark's head was limp, his eyes slits, glaring up

and the brightening sky, oblivious to where he was.

The boys carried him as far as they could through the

rough terrain until their legs began to give out. They

stopped and set Mark down, removing his shoes so

his feet could dig into the sand and watched as he

slowly began to realize they had made it. They sat

down next to him and faced the glorious Pacific

Ocean. It was like nothing they had ever seen before.

The sunrise's alpenglow cast over the water making

it sparkle like a brilliant diamond on a showcase. The

salt in the air pierced through their nostrils making

them dizzy with provocation. In the distance, mam-

moth waves formed and crashed in upon themselves,

while up close, diminutive ones rolled onto the shore

to meet them and quickly retreated, leaving behind a

trail of sea foam that popped in the warmth of the

newly rising sun. They sat in awe as the radiant glim-

mer of the water seemed to come alive and dance like

an uncontrolled fire. Landing near them was a spe-

cies of bird they had never seen before. It hoped to-

wards them carefully, then flew away. As he made

fists with his toes, digging them deep in to the cool

sand, enjoying this brand new sensation, tears began

to flow steadily from Mark's eyes.

As joy overtook him as his life began to slip

away, he managed to whisper a few final words: "We

made it." A smile grew on his face as his eyes closed

**297**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

and his soul departed. The others recognized it right

away. It was if they could feel it. As tears began to

trickle down their cheeks they took comfort in know-

ing their best friend had died happily, with a smile

prominently displayed atop the hollow shell of his

body.

They had made it.

They continued to sit by their friend, enjoying

their final moment with him, admiring the vastness

of the ocean before them. The wind picked up, en-

cumbering all other sound and sending miniature

tornadoes of sand waltzing along the beach. The bird

returned, regarding them with less apprehension,

slowly hopping its way up to the group before nestl-

ing itself into the sand directly in front of them. Brad

smiled at the site of his beautiful new feathered

friend and gave Mark's hand one final squeeze.

"We made it."

**298**

****

Heaven can you hear me I am calling from a land line

I need a good connection I feel like I'm losing my mind

The day is just about to break I think it's safe to say, so

am I

Can you bring my legs to walk even though they're

shaking

Will you get my head to stop all the plans it's making

The clouds are just about to burst I think it's safe to

say, so am I

Open the floodgates now, let the water come down

The monster in the closet, when the lights turned on

Is just a jacket on a hanger and the fear is gone

And the world keeps turning, sun keeps burning

We are the lost and found, gonna make it through

another day

Can you train my mouth to shut when I feel like

talking

Get my ears to open up and let a little love in

Lately I'm a ticking bomb and so are you and we are

here together

Can you set my heart to beat no matter what I'm

feeling

Will you take the wheel and drive, for miles I've been

dealing

The day is just about to break I think it's safe to say, so

am I

Open the floodgates now, let the water come down

The monster in the closet, when the lights turned on

Is just a jacket on a hanger and the fear is gone

And the world keeps turning, sun keeps burning

We are the lost and found, gonna make it through

another day

I'm gonna hold it down with the lost and found

GRANT FIELDGROVE

**M** ark's body was eventually returned to his

hometown of Omaha, Nebraska. When the beach

had begun to get crowded, Brad picked up his best

friend and the four of them headed back to the

street. The hydrant and been shut off, the van

towed.

An ambulance came to retrieve Mark and Dan-

iel, Jacob and Bradley had to spend quite some time

in the Santa Monica Police Department. Everyone

was eventually released and sent back home after a

few days.

When they arrived, Jake went to the police sta-

tion to turn himself in. He told them it had been all

his idea, he acted alone and no one else was to blame.

He figured he had been selfish long enough. Lost in

a sea of self-centeredness that had consumed almost

his entire adult life.

His stay was not long, however. The Omaha

chief of police had received a letter from Mark. It

stated that everything that had occurred was Mark's

own idea. He had stolen the drugs in a moment of

lucidity and he had talked his friends into driving

him across country. No one should be to blame but

him. He also stated that this should be considered his

deathbed confession, which, as the police should

know, is admissible in a court of law...he thought. At

least, according to an old episode of Dragnet he had

watched recently.

**300**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

Vallesa, the nurse, had conveniently left out the

part of her story in which the sexual distraction had

taken place. She had merely told the officers the

drugs were stolen and everyone was missing. She

had known the gravity of the situation, and while she

certainly didn't agree with it, she couldn't help but

respect the courage it took them to carry it through.

Still, though, she felt she owed him, at least, a punch

in the nose.

When Jake learned of what she did, he called

Vallesa to thank her. She was upset with him, and

rightfully so. She had been used. Jake begged for the

chance to make it up to her. He laid on his charm in

epic proportions. She eventually gave in and agreed

to meet him the following night for a drink.

Daniel kept his word. He went to the courthouse

and set up a child support payment plan for Aubrey

and his daughter. He didn't even let them know. He

figured he should give them some time, see if they

come around. It was the right thing to do, he knew it,

and he was finally excited about the prospect of be-

ing a father. That same night, he and his parents sat

down for a nice, long talk.

When Brad returned home, Jeni ran out to greet

him, tears flooding her face, Carolyn in her arms.

They embraced. Brad kissed his daughter and then

his wife. "I want to have more kids," he said, much to

**301**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

her surprise. She laughed and tightened her grasp on

her husband.

"Come in," she said. "There is something you

need to see."

He followed them into the house. Jeni passed

Carolyn off to her father and went into the kitchen,

returning with a business sized envelope. Written

across the front was; Bradley, Jacob and Daniel, c/o

Jeni Augustine, with their address below. Brad

started to cry again. He recognized the handwriting

as Mark's.

"Let's save that for a little later."

The following afternoon, the men gathered at

Brad's house and opened the letter. Brad unfolded it,

noting that it was written on Myra Hotel & Casino

stationary. He began to choke up before he could get

out a single word.

To my brothers,

Words alone cannot express the sincere gratitude

towards you I am currently feeling in my heart. Not

just for breaking me out of my personal cell and taking

me on the trip of my lifetime, but for the lifetime of

friendship you all have provided for me. Man should be

**302**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

so lucky to have just one friend as good as you guys. I

was blessed with three.

I spoke not too long ago about being upset I was

going to die without ever knowing true love. I was mis-

taken. I had it the entire time; I just was looking in the

wrong spot. True love doesn't have to exist solely be-

tween a man and a woman. It is formed through con-

nections of the soul. I had it the whole time and it took

me my whole life to realize it. Sitting in that van with

you guys, scared and excited, clinging to each other, I

realized I was the luckiest man alive. The four of us,

that is real true love. To have three people in my life

who would stop the world to make me happy is a gift

impossible to earn. I may be gone now, my soul de-

parted from this world, but I will forever be with you.

Helping you in any way I can. I will do my best to watch

over you all and I will see you all again soon, my broth-

ers.

There is a rather large sum of money still in my

name, along with my house. Only a few people knew

about it. I did not want the cancer to take everything

from me, so I hid it. It has been left to you three, to be

divided equally. Please do not squander it. Put it to use.

Do the things you've always wanted to do but felt you

**303**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

couldn't because you were anchored to Nebraska. I saw

the most beautiful sights I had ever seen during my last

days and it makes me sad I didn't begin journeying out

earlier in life. You guys have that gift. You can go. You

can start your own adventures. On me. Go and find

yourselves. Be fearless. Do not be frightened of the fu-

ture, for it is only the past with the lights turned off.

My whole life I felt lost, especially since the cancer, but

today, right now as I write this, I feel whole. I found

myself. As the song goes, I once was lost but now I am

found. Truer words have never been spoken. (Sorry for

the cheese.)

Miss me, but do not pity me, for there is nothing

about me that warrants it. I don't know if we made it

to the beach or not, but either way, just know that I

died happy. You breathed life into me that I thought

the cancer had eaten away permanently. I hope I can

find my parents and tell them how much I love them.

I hope I can meet my grandparents for the first time. I

just hope.

I am tired and must return to my bed now.

Bradley, please give my God-daughter a hug and kiss

for me and tell her she will forever remain a part of

my soul. I will check in on you guys often. Remember,

**304**

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THE LOST AND FOUND

death may leave a heartache that no one can heal, but

love leaves a memory no one can steal.

I heard that somewhere.

Peace be with you all. I love you more than any

form of communication could ever express. Farewell my

brothers. My family. My true loves.

Mark Briggs

P.S. Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. As farewells

are necessary before you can meet again and meeting

again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those

who are friends.

**305**

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This life keeps moving on

Gone away before too long

So tell your friends just how you feel

You'd better say it loud for the world to hear

'Cause it's getting late, it's time to go

The paper moon is fading slow

But the night, it keeps moving on

'Til it takes you in; it brings you home

While you're watching over

The moments that make up your life

It's getting late, that's the way it is

You can't deny when it feels like this

And it's strange what it's bringing out

You're gonna open up, 'cause you can't stop now

Oh, you can't stop now

It's getting late, you don't know how

You're wide awake, but you're missing out

You get your kicks while you can

Then you go to work to pay the man

While you're watching over

The moments that make up your life

It's getting late, it's getting late

It's getting late, oh yeah, it's getting late

THE LOST AND FOUND

**M** ark's body was cremated on Christmas Eve at

the Westlawn-Hillcrest Funeral Home and Memorial

Park in Omaha. His earthly remains sat prominently

above the fireplace of Brad and Jeni's house until

June the following year when they were transported

to Santa Monica, California.

Standing there, on the edge of the pier, Brad held

the urn tightly in his arms. Jake and Vallesa stood to

his left, Aubrey and Daniel to his right, their daugh-

ter Marisol squirming and laughing in his arms. Jeni

stood behind him, one arm wrapped around her hus-

band's waste, the other cradling her belly where a

baby boy was growing, a namesake to Mark, while

Carolyn stood in front and stepped up on one of the

pier's wooden railings.

"Are you ready, baby?" Brad asked.

"Yeah," his daughter said with a smile.

"Okay." He removed the lid and placed the urn

in Carolyn's tiny little hands. "Be careful, baby."

"Now Daddy?"

"Now baby."

She tilted the urn slightly, slowing pouring the

ashes out. A gust of wind came up from behind them

and took Mark away. Drifting farther out into the

**307**

****

GRANT FIELDGROVE

ocean. The ashes seemed to tango in the warm Cali-

fornia sky. The eight of them watched as their best

friend sailed away and out of sight.

"Did I do good, Daddy?"

"Yes you did, baby. I'm very proud of you."

They stayed a while longer, watching as the sun

set before them, turning the sky a rainbow of magnif-

icent colors.

Daniel dug out his knife and began carving into

the railing.

"You crying, daddy?" Carolyn asked.

"I'm okay, honey,' Brad responded with a small

smile on his face.

"Farewell, friend," Jake said.

"Until we meet again," Daniel added, flipping

his blade shut.

They stood in silence as the sun disappeared out

of sight. Jeni squeezed her husband a little tighter, in-

dicating it was probably time to go. Brad nodded, a

tear rolling down his face. "See you again, brother,"

he said softly then bent down to his kiss daughter on

the head.

**308**

****

THE LOST AND FOUND

' You happy now, Daddy?'

' Yes, baby, I'm happy now,' Brad responded,

looking down at the freshly carved railing. Dug deep

into the moist wood, for all time, was their calling

card. It read: Mark, Daniel, Brad and Jake Made It.

**309**

****

Thank you to all my friends and family for the support

you always give me. Your love and kind words mean

more to me than you'll ever know.

Extra special thanks to:

Julie & McClane, Mom & Dad, Joe –Tina &Greg, Lisa,

Eric Duhart for the awesome cover,

Melissa, Leslie, Summer, Mike, Elson, Gail,

Xavier, Amanda, Eli & Jeni.

Thanks for all the help!

And to Lily and Loki:

Please stop barking.

K, thanks.

**This book is also dedicated to Adam Yauch, who, throughout most of my**

**life, provided me with inspiration, refuge and damn great tunes. You are a**

**legend, good sir, and will be missed.**

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**#RIPMCA**

Also by Grant Fieldgrove:

**Darkness Once More**

**A Touch of Danger**

**Stroke of Genius**

He is at home in Bakersfield, CA

currently juggling the writing of at least

three new novels, including the latest

entry to his Archie series.

You can follow him on Facebook at:

**www.facebook.com/darknessoncemore**

Twitter

**@Grant_Fieldgrove**

And Instagram at:

**Grant_Fieldgrove**
