A long time ago, when I was just 10 years old...
... I left my hometown to become the ultimate Pokémon master.
After destroying the Pokémon mafia, beating the gym leaders, defeating the Elite Four, and overcoming my archrival, ...
... which took me about 7 hours of gameplay, I was the Pokémon champion!
OMG it's him, I can't believe it!
Where? I can't see him!
- Right there, behind that douchebag!
A new challenger, I see!
I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!
- Shut up, you douchbag! There is a Mewtwo behind you! He has to focus!
- A Mewtwo? Mewtwo is an artificial Pokémon created of Mew's DNA.
It is a psychic type Pokémon usually encountered only in the Cerulean Cave after defeating the Elite Four.
It's lvl 70 and its moves are Recover, Barrier, Swift and Psychic.
I hope it has good DV stats! All DV stats at 10 make a shiny Pokémon.
I'll do a special sweeper ev training for it!
Since I have no Masterballs left, I'll have to catch it with a Pokéball!
My chance of succeeding is as slim as point 4 percent.
There is no time to hesitate! I have to act!
Get ready, Mewtwo!
I don't see a Mewtwo!
- Just get Pokémon Go!
- Yes, you nap!
You're awesome!
Pokémon Go?
Thank God, Professor Oak!
Professor Oak, I've been searching for you!
No, I'm not Professor Oak!
I'm Professor Oak's addicted coke brother ...
... Professor Coke!
Whatever, I finished the Pokédex. It has entries for all Pokémon.
Sorry, but nobody needs that piece of garbage. We all use wikipedia now!
If you excuse me now, I need to lure some children into fake Pokéstops!
What's going on?
Hipster Joey!
What? You need Pokémon Go to battle me!
- Are you f*cking kidding me, Hipster Joe?
- Call me: Gym Leader Hipster Joe!
- I don't see a gym here.
I beat it, I'm the leader!
Here is a phone, you asshole!
- I don't see any moves. How do we battle?
- There are no moves. You just swipe and tap to attack and dodge. It's awesome!
'There are no moves ... swipe ... tap ... awesome!'
What's going on? Who would invent such a shitty money milking Pokémon game?
OMG, why didn't I think of it sooner?
TEAM ROCKET!!!
And their evil leader: f*cking Miyamoto!
- Long time no see. You like Pokémon Go?
- You son of a dog! You made me capture over 700 Pokémon!
You're gonna pay for this!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HI!!!
