People are gonna decide if you're
confident or
not in the last about 100 milliseconds
[SOUND] and then it's over.
[MUSIC]
So I can trace my interest in this topic
back to something that happened to me in
the 1980s.
Before I was an academic, I worked for a
short time in public relations.
And found myself one day in a meeting at
nine o'clock in
the morning with a very powerful
entertainment industry executive.
And he had a little refrigerator at the
edge of his desk.
While we were meeting, he would open it
up, bottle of vodka.
Drank vodka straight out of the bottle,
and had a bag of raw onions.
He was munching on those while this was
going on.
And nobody said anything to him about it.
We didn't react while it was happening.
We didn't talk about it afterwards.
He didn't even offer to share anything
with us.
It seemed perfectly appropriate to him to
behave that way in a meeting with us.
Would never have occurred to us to do that
in a meeting with him.
I wanna talk with you about power, and I
want to try to provide a new way
of thinking about how to approach
situations where you want to have impact.
And one of the things I've observed in my
work in this area is
that most people when they are trying to
prepare for a situation.
Where they want to have influence going to
a meeting or change somebody's mind,
is they tend to think a lot about what
they're going to say in that situation.
So I'm gonna suggest that rather than
thinking about what you're gonna say in
situations like this, you need to think
about what your body is telling people.
When people are forming an impression of
you, what you say accounts for
only 7% of what they come away with.
[MUSIC]
What I'd like to do today is to start
first by telling you a little bit
about the actual mechanics of the body
language of power.
What are the cues that we send and what do
they mean?
And then I'd like to talk with you about
how you can think about using those
different cues to address specific
challenges and specific situations.
There is actually a body language of
power.
And we know it, but we know it so well
that we don't know that we know it.
It, it, it's something that we've been
learning through our socializations since
a very, very young age.
So we learn how to tune our bodies to
specific situations and
specific relationships.
When we need to show someone respect or be
deferential,
we know how to use our body in way that
allows us to be effective in that role.
And we learn how to take charge with our
bodies and
how to make sure other people aren't
taking advantage of us.
Most of us are socialized, you know, over
the course of our lives based on
other people's expectations of where they
think we should be within a, a hierarchy.
And so we learn how to do certain aspects
of this sort of performance very well.
And other parts we know less well.
And sometimes we find ourselves in
situations where the things we do with our
bodies that come most naturally.
Don't fit the situation at all.
I wanna raise awareness of the ways in
which we use our bodies and
the impact that it has on our ability to
have power and influence.
If you wanna be strategic about acting
with power,
there are two objectives that you have to
keep in mind.
The first one is that you wanna be able to
show up authoritative.
In charge, able to make the decisions, and
able to privilege your knowledge and
experience over the knowledge and
experience of other people.
The same time you need to be able to show
approachable.
Which is open, empathetic, willing to take
other's knowledge and
experiences into account, and be able to
relate to people on a human level.
So let me see if I can start by giving you
a framework for
thinking about two main objectives for
addressing this set of
questions about how your body language can
be used to change your impact.
There are really two things I think you
need to be able to do if you
wanna have influence.
The first is you need to be able to show
up authoritative.
Being authoritative means showing up and
letting people know that you're in charge.
And what involves psychologically and from
a body language perspective is that
you're gonna be closing yourself off a
little bit to other people.
You're privileging your knowledge and
experience.
Over and above the knowledge and
experience of other people.
You're becoming directive and more
concerned with controlling other people's
behavior than from taking direction from
others.
The second objective, and
it's equally important, is that you need
to be able to show up approachable.
Being approachable means that people feel
that they can.
Come to you with whatever's on their mind
and relate to you on a human level.
Being approachable is just as important as
knowing how to show authoritative.
It's really the basis of your likeability.
It's the basis of the extent to which
other people wanna be close to you.
And, it requires really a totally opposite
orientation from showing of authoritative.
It really involves being more open to
other people,
being prepared psychologically to relate
to them on a human level.
And if you think about the challenge of
showing up authoritative.
As increasing the psychological distance
between yourself and other people.
Either by raising yourself a little, or by
lowering others a little.
Being approachable is really about
shrinking the psychological distance
between you and other people.
It's about lowering yourself a little, or
raising other people up.
So in the framework that I'm introducing
to you today,
which I call Acting with Power,
the body language associated with showing
up authoritative is called playing high.
And the body language associated with
showing up approachable is
called playing low.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
The actions associated with playing high
come from what we observe whenever we
look at animals or human beings in the
context of a social hierarchy.
When you look at people with, or group
members with high rank.
What you'll see is a general body language
that reflects a state of relaxation.
And openness because at the top of the
hierarchy,
you have nothing to worry about.
Everybody beneath you is gonna make sure
that nothing bad ever happens.
So playing high in a very general sense
will look like a very open,
expansive, relaxed body.
When walking, you assume others will move
out of your path.
Taking up maximum space and allowing your
body and
your gestures to flow into the space of
other people.
Other actions associated with playing high
include keeping your
head perfectly still while talking, and
speaking in complete sentences.
So it's not important when you're playing
high to have long sentences.
In fact, they can be very short, but
they'll have a clear beginning and
a clear endpoint.
You'll also see people, when playing high,
holding eye contact.
A little longer than normal when
addressing someone else.
It's actually an interesting relationship.
I think the idea that staring someone down
is associated with
playing high is something most people
know.
But actually it's a little more subtle
than that.
So when you're playing high.
You stare someone down when you're
addressing them.
You don't let them out from under your
gaze, so they know you're serious.
But when they are addressing you, you're
free to look around.
You got other things on your mind.
Other people you need to talk to, right.
So when you're being addressed by other
people, you're free to look away.
You don't check other people's eyes for
any reaction to what you've said.
And you have no visible reaction to what
other people say either.
You can interrupt before you know what
you're going to say.
It's important to recognize that playing
high is a source of dominance.
Other people in many situations are simply
more likely to defer.
Just based on how you use your body.
It's also important to recognize that
playing high, can be really dangerous.
One of the easiest ways to get in trouble,
in a group.
Is to play higher than your actual rank.
So the most general advice I can give,
about when to play high.
Is that you play high to reinforce your
actual rank, or,
in a competitive situation, when status is
up for grabs.
[MUSIC]
Let's talk about what it looks like to
play low.
When you observe natural hierarchies in
groups,
what you'll see is that lower ranking
members have a body language
that's exactly the opposite of what
playing high looks like.
Low ranking members hold their bodies very
close and tight.
They try to make themselves as small as
they can, minimize their footprint, and
do, sort of prepare themselves to hide
from other people or
kind of fend off a blow.
So you'll see a much more, an attempt to
shrink a little bit and and hide.
So when someone's playing low, you'll see
them leaning forward and
sometimes point their toes inward.
It's all different ways of making your
footprint a little bit smaller.
You'll see people speak in incomplete
sentences, and
when someone's playing low, you get a lot
of fleeting and jerky movements.
Talking with your hands near your face,
and
instead of looking directly at someone, a
lot more glancing around and looking away.
They'll talk to you and just glance over
to make sure that it's going okay, but
there's no actual eye contact.
When a high status person is addressing a
lower status person,
that's when the low status person's eyes
are riveted.
So one of the other really interesting
differences between people who
are higher ranking and lower ranking in
groups,
is that you see a lot more smiling from
the low ranking members.
And it's not because things are better at
the bottom, right?
People in the lower ranks are smiling
because it's their
job to make sure that the people above
them are never uncomfortable.
So they're not genuine smiles.
You get this kind of a fake apologetic
smile.
It's a badge of appeasement,
a way making sure that people above them
are feeling okay.
Playing low is also really important.
It's the basis of building rapport.
For a low ranking person, it's really
important that the people above you
know that you understand your position and
you respect theirs.
Playing low for a high status person,
actually makes you more approachable.
You can gain status as a high status
person by playing low.
So you're most likely to be effective when
playing low if you do it
to reinforce your actual rank or when you
wanna lift someone else up.
So the next important question is, how
should you think about using this?
And I can tell you that I use it in two
different ways,
to make myself more comfortable in
situations where I'm
afraid I'm not gonna build the shop the
way I want to.
And I also use my body language to help
other people feel more comfortable and
situations where I'm worried about that.
You could think about using your body
language not to change the way you show up
every day in every situation, but as a way
of meeting specific types of challenges.
When you walk into a situation and
something unexpected happens,
people aren't as receptive as you expected
them to be.
You find that you're being attacked, or
you can't get someone who you
thought was gonna be open to open up and
tell you what you need to know.
You can think about how to adjust your
body language to
try to shift the dynamic and the
relationship.
[MUSIC]
So when you look at men and women in
leadership roles, what you find is
that men and women don't actually behave
differently in these roles,
they're perceived entirely differently
doing exactly the same things.
So let me talk to you for a minute about
women in power.
And what that means is that we're
socialized to use the body language
that's associated with having a lower
rank.
This is not necessarily a problem,
it just means that many of us are better
versed in that body language.
That we are in the body language of
playing high.
And the socialization has implications for
how women are viewed in different types of
roles.
Let me tell you about a study that was
conducted by one of
my colleagues at Stanford.
He was teaching a case in his MBA class
about an entrepreneur from
Silicon Valley named Heidi Roisen, and she
was very successful.
And he used the case to illustrate how
effectively people can use social
networks as a way of really building a
business and building a reputation.
When his students read this case, they
were very negative about her,
and he was kinda surprised by that.
So he thought that it might have something
to do with her gender.
So, my colleague took the case about Heidi
Roizen, and he changed the name of
the protagonist to Howard Roizen, and left
all the other details the same.
He gave half his students the case about
Heidi.
He gave the other half of his students the
case about Howard.
Before they came into class, they rated
Heidi or
Howard on a bunch of different dimensions.
First they were asked how humble and
genuine and likable was this person.
And Howard was the winner of that contest.
The second set of questions they were
asked had to do with.
How self interested and power hungry the
protagonist was.
And it might not surprise you to know that
Heidi won that contest.
The female actor was judged much more
harshly for
exactly the same behaviors, as her male
counterpart.
Heidi and Howard were judged as equally
competent, but when asked who they
prefer to work with and who they'd rather
hire, the students prefered Howard.
So the reason I talk about this case in my
executive education class is because I
think it illustrates a problem that a lot
of women face.
We're being held to these dual
expectations.
The expectation associated with our gender
roles require us to behave in
the ways that are associated with playing
low.
It's expected of us and it's a way that we
can navigate situations where
people want us to make them feel good, cuz
that's what's expected of women.
We're also expected in our organizational
roles to behave in
ways that are authoritative.
So we have to have those tools available
to us and we have to
be able to give ourselves permission to
use them when the situation requires.
But I think one of the interesting
possibilities for
women is to think about are there ways of
combining those two different ways
of behaving that allow us to meet both
sets of expectations.
Not necessarily in the same moment, but
over the course of our day, over the
course of our careers.
[MUSIC]
Couple of my colleagues at Harvard and
Columbia did a study.
They looked at whether putting people into
different body
positions would effect their psychology
and
the way they responded to different types
of situations.
So they took the participants and
physically posed them, either in expansive
postures with their arm across the back of
the chair, their feet up on the desk.
Or they posed them into more constrictive
postures where their knees were touching,
their elbows were held close to a side and
they had their hands, let's say,
were sitting on their hands or between
their knees.
But after two minutes in these postures my
colleagues measured a number of
different things.
One of the things they were interested in
was in hormone levels.
They looked at two hormones in particular.
Measurements were taken before the
participants were posed in the posture to
get a kind of a natural or
baseline level, and then measurements were
taken after two minutes in the posture.
They looked at testosterone levels,
testosterone is the hormone That's
associated with aggression and dominance.
And they looked at cortisol levels.
Cortisol is the hormone that's associated
with stress in responses to threat.
And it's responsible for a lot of the
stress related illnesses.
After two minutes in the posture,
participants who
oppose expansively had significant
increases in their testosterone levels.
And participants who oppose submissively
in a more constricted way had
significant increases in their cortisol
levels.
And you can think about using your body
language to intervene in
your own state of mind.
[MUSIC]
I've had about six months in my new role
and a key component of this job is to
give presentations to fairly sizable
groups of women.
When I walk into these rooms I know that I
have to be very centered,
take up a lot of space, use my voice and
project it, but stay very stable.
And every time I do this, it becomes more
natural.
>> So I'm trying to figure out how to find
that balance between friendliness,
which comes natural to me, and
this display of competence, which I feel
like I have and should show.
>> After taking professor Groomfeld class,
It really opened my eyes as to when I
walk into a room, I need to look around
and assess and think.
Do I want to play high?
Or do I want to play low?
When I'm listening, It's really important
for me to seem approachable and open.
And when I'm presenting, I wanna seem
authoritative.
>> The majority of my communication with
clients takes place over the telephone,
including the all important client pitch.
And so although they can't see me,
I completely understand how important it
is for me to convey the strong presence.
So I'll do three things.
First is I, I make sure that I'm standing
up.
I walk around the room so
I'm not constricted in my movements, I use
my body language, my gestures.
And the third thing is that I make sure
that I project my voice.
>> Often I'll talk to junior women about
managing perceptions,
things as simple as how you're sitting in
your chair.
Are you sitting with your head tilted to
the side and making yourself small,
or are you occupying your space and making
yourself square and big?
What about your voice?
Are you going up at the end of every
sentence?
Or, are you speaking in a calm, controlled
manner?
Are you making eye contact?
These things are all evolutionary cues
that helps humans determine one another's
status, and it's really important to be in
control of how you're perceived.
>> I've been a professional for 25 years,
it's taken the entire 25 years for
me to learn to that, to go from
authoritative to being approachable,
can still produce results and I think I'm
still learning.
>> Being successful in an organizational
role is not just about being to play high.
It's not just about being able to play
low.
It's about being able to recognize what
situations require.
And to be able to adapt to those
situations.
What I'm talking about is making really
subtle kinds of changes.
This is not about a major overhaul of your
behavior.
Sometimes it's just about backing off
things that you use in a kind of
an impulsive or knee-jerk way to make
really slight.
Adjustments that you'll find can have a
huge impact in terms of
how do people see you and in terms of how
you behave and how you feel.
It's important for women to recognize that
they are duel challenges that we face.
One is to meet the expectations associated
with high level organizational rules.
And the other is to meet the expectations
associated with their gender roles.
It's the balance between playing high and
playing low that I think
makes most managers effective, and this
may be especially important for women.
I just want to encourage you to give
yourselves permission to try
something new.
The next time you feel challenged,
you go into a situation where it's
important to you.
To be seen in a certain way where you want
to have a particular type of impact.
Think about how you are standing when you
walk into the room.
Think about how you sit down.
Think about what you're doing with your
head and your eyes when you're speaking,
and how you look when you're listening,
and see what happens.
Everything we need is already there.
Everything we need is already in it,
it's just a question of giving yourself
permission to find it and use it.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
