KATIE:  Hello everyone and 
welcome to the panel of Ace 
relationships.
My name is Katie and I'm going 
to be your host
for this afternoon but don't 
worry, you will
not hear much from me because 
I'm joined by our
three wonderful panellists who 
you should see on the screens.
Kayla, Daniel who some of
you may know as the creator of 
Slice of Ace and Christa
who those of you in many show 
began may know.
Before I let them speak I will 
go overground rules and notices.
You will see a chat box.  If you
want to chat.
Share thoughts or ideas fit each
other, please feel free to use 
it.  We're encouraging as much 
interaction as possible.
The same rules apply there as in
any event.  The chat blocks is 
moderated.
We might not be able to keep up
with every comment
.  If you want to ask a question
please
use
SliDo and not the chat box.
The questions are moderated so 
treat it as you would and
in person chat box.  That is it 
from me. 
I'm going to hand over the to 
the first of our lovely panel 
Lees
.  So Kayla, would you mind 
telling everyone a bit more 
about yourself.
Kayla: like you mentioned
.  I'm the cohost
of aromantic
demany sexual pod science so am 
myself
demany sexual and heteroromantic
and
I guess
and I have sad relationship with
SIS men.
≫:  
CHRISTA:    I am Christa.
I run a space for student
Aces to get together.  I'm 
asexual.
I'm grey romantic and
pan area so
I was in  a relationship with a 
woman for a while.  Currently 
single.
Not really ready to mingle, but 
you know, yeah, that's me.
KATIE:  Thank you last but by 
moness and least.
Daniel tell us a bit about 
yourself.
DANIEL:  I'm Daniel as it says 
to the side of my face.
I identifies home
romantic and I run the 
Size of Ace You Tube channel.
From my perspective as
a homoromantic Ace.
I'm currently in a long distance
long-term relationship
with a gay guy who is currently
asleep so I'm frustrated because
he is supposed to be watching.
KATIE:  My partner is also 
asleep
on the west coast.
We should have scheduled
this later.
Kayla: No, they would be awake 
if they really cared!
KATIE:  Awesome.  Thank you.
So that sounds like a real wide 
range of
experiences and this is the part
of the
session where we let you the 
audience
help us direct panel so you 
should all have been
submitting questions to
SliDo.
If you want to ask a question I 
will read them out.
The first question: Dating an 
Ace can be tricky.
What are some tips you have for 
Aces starting
out in the dating game for 
example how to meet people?
DANIEL:  Anyone in particular, I
guess I could answer.
KATIE:  Go first.
DANIEL:  I found it very useful 
to use dating sites
just because you can put
on tinder
and AKA Cupid that you are
asexual front and centre and I 
find that a
good way of approaching that 
subject rather than
awkwardly pick it up after 
a day or two when they may have 
developed feelings yes.
KATIE:  How about you Christa 
and
Kayla.
Kayla: As demi sexual I believe
it hasn't really been a problem 
for me
.  I used
dating
apps and I put that in my bioso 
I
could get that out of the way 
and in real life it was a bit or
awkward.
I had to figure out if
they knew when to tell them if 
they didn't know so it is hard 
to navigate.
Having that conversation.
CHRISTA:  It is hard regard less
to try and meet people.
At least personally and it 
depends
on how you prefer to get to know
people whether you want to do 
real life or online.
I know personally I like meeting
people in real
life because I like being 
friends with someone before I 
start dating them so I know if 
we are compatible.
I'm very open about being.
ASexual so if we're friends they
know what is going on with that.
I did recently join Hinge,  a 
dating app.
A low key hate it but that's 
fine.  I put
asexual in My Profile on there.
Don't waste my time if you are 
not down with asexuality
and it has been a good way to 
talk people.
I haven't really been on many 
dates on that.
Move
KATIE:  Is it possible to have
a romantic relationship with an 
allopartner.
How would you establish 
boundaries without hurting the 
other person.  Daniel.  Can you 
start this one?
DANIEL:  I would hope it is 
possible otherwise I have an 
imaginary friend.
I have been dating my boyfriend 
for about a year
.  I'm not sentimental enough to
keep a track of the date.
A lot of the time it has been 
long distance
to be fair but I think
, the thing you have to
realise in that even in a
relationship with two asexual
people
, I think it is important to 
work out before
you get into a relationship what
your boundaries
are and the point that you 
definitely don't
want to cross so you can 
establish that earlier on
and stick to that because you 
may have feelings for someone 
but you have to
keep, care and take care of 
yourself as well.
I think it is
difficult to have a relationship
.  But I'm sorry for the 
captioner because I'm
speaking quite fast right now.
KATIE:  Hopefully the captioner 
has caught all of that.
Us if you are using the captions
please closed caption at the 
bottom and you should be them 
come up.  Thanks very much  
Daniel.
How about you Christa or Kayla, 
have you any thoughts on the 
question?
Kayla: Yeah I want to real firm 
what Daniel
was saying from my allo  
friends,
both of them are in 
allorelationships
.  It is definitely something 
that happens or at least needs 
to happen in the 
allorelationships.
Setting boundaries of how much 
sex drive you have.
How much sex you want to have so
hopefully your  allopartner
will be open to that or have 
experience of that.
I personally have gotten quite 
lucky
.  My most recent relationship 
is only the one I started
being, no, the second one I 
started when I was openly
demi and so kind of having
that conversation beforehand, 
ok, I'm demi sexual, this is
what it means then luckily my 
partners have
been cautious about asking if 
I'm ok,
if I'm comfortable with what is 
happening so I think a lot
of checking in on both
parts is important.
KATIE:  That makes sense.  
Christa.
CHRISTA:  Echoing what people 
said.   Communicate, 
communicate.
It is important to communicate 
your boundaries because it could
change over the course of a 
relationship.
It could change over the course 
of a day and
it is important to have some way
of communicating that to your 
partner or it is not going to 
work.
It is very important to keep in 
mind that people can
have a thousand differences 
between each other rather than 
are you Ace or allo.
Any number of those factors can 
affect the
relationship ash well so it is 
very possible to have a
relationship with an alloperson.
KATIE:  Awesome.  Aid sounds 
like communication its key 
there.
So our next question is what 
would be your top
five things to say to a young 
Ace trying to find love while 
being Ace.
I'm going to give that as a free
for all rather than telling
Daniel he has to answer
first.
DANIEL:  We'll have to come out 
of five collectively I think.
Kayla.
One of my first once is don't 
feel guilty or try not to feel 
guilty.
I think that is something I felt
a lot in the beginning 
especially.
This person wants to have like 
sex right away or something and 
I don't want that.  Are they 
going to not want to go out with
me.  Is this not going to work?
So I guess just doing a lot of 
talking to yourself about
like no,, it is ok, I need to be
confident in what I want.  
That's ok.
CHRISTA:  Yeah, like a related 
point or separate point,
listening to your feelings a lot
is isn't I didn't do at the 
beginning.
If you feel  uncomfortable in a
situation, get out of the 
situation, don't do things 
because you
think you should or tolerate 
things just because
you think this will make me a 
good partner, something like 
that.
Listen to what you are feeling 
because those feelings are 
important.
KATIE:  Awesome.  Sounds really 
sensible.
We still have three top things 
to go.
DANIEL:  The number is stressing
me out!
Kayla: My last one is very 
related to what said for the 
first one.
The other person's expectations,
which is
what I already said, but just 
making sure
that you are not too worried 
about what other people think is
supposed to happen in a 
relationship.
There is kind of like a standard
script of oh
, by the third date you should 
be having sex
or else so you might think your 
partner expects that but
A, they probably don't expect 
what you think they are
expecting because people are 
complex and B,
it doesn't really matter what 
they expect if it is not 
something you want.  If that 
makes sense.
DANIEL:  Mm hmm.
KATIE:  I think that makes 
sense.
Hopefully everyone else does 
too.
CHRISTA:  Also don't feel less 
than because you are Ace or oh
I'm not going to be a good 
partner because I
don't want sex, no, you are a 
worthy person who is totally 
capable of being in  a 
relationship.  Don't let anyone 
tell you otherwise.
DANIEL:  If you think about a 
relationship, you can see two 
people in a relationship who are
not having sex.
That is not the only part of  a 
relationship
so even for allopeople it is not
like they only have sex with 
their partner.
They also like go on holiday and
watch films and do other 
relationship things that are 
leaving
my mind right now.
Kayla: I have allofriends who 
only have sex once a month.  
Like maybe.
DANIEL:  I'd be quite shocked if
I met with  a couple of my 
friends who were having sex.  It
would be terrifying!
KATIE:  I'm not sure I needed 
that mental image in my head!
Did we hit five do we think?
CHRISTA:  Sure, yeah.
DANIEL:  At least four and a 
half.
KATIE:  If we didn't hit five.  
Please let us know in the 
questions and we'll try again.
In the meantime we'll move on to
our next question which is a 
very interesting one.
How do you guys differentiate
between a crush and
a squish?
DANIEL:  Mm, I don't want to --
Kayla: Gosh you guys have hard 
ones
.  It is just the activities I 
want to do with that person
.  If I have a crush, I want to 
give them a
kiss or like, have romance.
But four friend it is a lot more
Platonic activities.
I also find myself with people I
want to be friends with
I'm a lot less nervous for 
whatever reason.
The
societal operation row mines 
much more important than 
friendship.
That is not true but it is 
ingrained
in your mind so get more nervous
around
a crush tine would squish.
DANIEL:  I'm pretty similar for 
the average person I interact 
with I don't want them to touch 
them.
I don't like hand shakes or hug 
or anything
.  But if I'm romantically
attracted to someone I am like a
coa la bear.  I cling on and 
don't let go.  So it is 
different to me, like Kayla 
says.
It depends what I want to do 
with that person.
CHRISTA:  I'm a little bit more 
complicated.  I'm the opposite 
of Daniel.
I'm physically A
affectionate
.  I think I identify as
grey romantic because I really 
like hanging out with a certain 
person.
I think for me the distinction 
is having the intention
of setting up a romantic 
relationship and thinking
I want to build a life around 
this person or with this person 
in my
life as well because I a lot of 
time
friends are very important to me
but we're not sitting
down thinking we should plan out
the next couple of years 
together
or something like that so 
specifically having that 
romantic intention
has been what has become a crush
for me.
me.
DANIEL:  Someone in the chat 
said they
didn't know what it was and had 
to Google it.
It is basically a crush but 
Platonic.
CHRISTA:  A crush is a romantic 
attraction.
Kayla: That is what I see as the
difference
the defense between a romantic 
relationship or  a friendship.
Is this someone you will sit 
down at talk about taxes with.
The difference between a QPR and
a relationship.
Is this someone who you will mov
across
the country for or get a joint 
bank account.
I do have a joint
ban account with my friend but 
with my boyfriend
we need to talk about
the future
.
CHRISTA:  Talking about taxes
.
KATIE:  I will give you £5 if 
you can get tax
attraction in the vocab of the 
conference today.  Going
back on interest and
track and moving away from 
taxes.
How soon should you tell someone
you are demi  ors or
should you declare it 
immediately on dating sites when
someone asks you four date.
This ties in to some of the 
earlier questions
able to but if we can focus a 
bit more on the initial start 
that would be helpful.
CHRISTA:  I tend to be very up 
front about this sort of stuff.
Like I said in the intro don't 
waste my time if
you are not
thinking you could date someone 
who is asexual we're not going 
to get along so declare it 
immediately.
If you are on a dating site put 
it on your bow.
If it is someone you meet 
probably don't be like I
want to go out with you, I'm 
asexual but bring it up in
conversation at some point early
on because you
might as well have that 
discussion pretty early,
get it over with an see where 
they are
at and if there are questions 
about asexuality for them.  But 
being up front about it, I'm a 
big fan of.
DANIEL:  Yeah I think -- sorry. 
Go ahead Kayla.
Well I would say it is a British
stand off but you are not 
British so it wouldn't work a 
since I'm already speaking.
It is up to you when you decide 
to come out or tell someone you 
are Ace.
Because you shouldn't feel 
forced or pressured to
come out but
I think if you are getting into 
a shrubs and you want
to be discussing boundaries and 
what you are comfortable with so
you feel safe that there is that
trust there it is
an important conference to have 
and it will ultimately lead
to finding a better relationship
with
the person if they do know that 
about you.
From my perspective I prefer to 
come out straight A
way so they have more time to 
think about it and
decide if they want to date 
someone
who is Ace before developing
feelings for me.
Kayla: I found it helpful to 
have it in a dating bio.
The last person I was in a
relation ship with before I was 
like definitely demi
it was not discussed and the 
shrubs gave me a a lot of 
anxiety around
expectations and
DTRing and a lot of that
.  I just found
selfish lists better for me.
It is better for the other 
person too but I personally 
found that I'm just
a lot more comfortable and I 
have less panic attacks
when I'm just know that everyone
knows and
that every expectation is on the
table it just
makes me feel more comfortable 
but that is me.
KATIE:  Being cuffable is 
obviously extremely so important
thank you all very much 
(comfortable).
The next question is sort of, 
going to the start of the 
department.
, the very start of the dating 
rather than the actual date 
itself.
What was your journey like to 
discovering your romantic 
orientation?
I'm going to pick on crass ta 
first because I feel I haven't 
made
Christa speak first in a while.
CHRISTA:  That's fair.
So I figured out the asexual 
thing
first because I just assumed I 
was straight
because I was I'm not really 
interested in having sex with
women and I feel the same way 
about men
but figuring out I was A
sent out the supply the traction
thing wash a thing and I figured
out, I
think I identified bi romantic 
for a while
and that went on for a while.
I was very happy identifying 
Ashby romantic but I
had this nagging feeling that I 
was a bit aromantic
because I was not interested in 
romantic relationships for a 
very long time.
Everyone was around me like 
dating and whatever
and I was just very happy not 
participating in
that and eventually I found out
about how there is an aromantic 
spectrum
.  Like there is an asexual 
spectrum
and I was not totally shore 
where I
fell on that so I was hesitant
pick up labels but I've started
using grey Roma tick because I'm
not sure what attraction I'm 
feeling, I just
know I like hanging out with 
people basically and there
is a lot of aspects of arrow  
mantycyism I relate to.
A lot that just confuses me, but
I
also know that eventually I want
a relationship whichever we can 
do
romantic things together so I'm 
somewhere in between
and it is complicated but that
is where I'm happy right now.
KATIE:  Awesome.  Thank you, how
about you  Kayla.
I feel like I always make Daniel
speak first.
Kayla: I probably will pass on 
this
because I'm heteroromantic which
is what we all grow up assuming
so I've had a pretty easy
time because of
society.
KATIE:  All right.
I'm sure we'll all be ready to 
hear but if you
want to pass, I'll pass on to 
Daniel.
DANIEL:  Yeah, so
I'll probably be quite brief 
anyway because I made a
couple of videos about this, I 
talked about this
on A ok podcast so go check 
those out.
There is a plug, Kayla.
Kayla: Thank you.
DANIEL:  For a while in 
secondary school in
thought I was aromantic because 
I didn't
want sense and it took finding 
out about the attraction model
to realise I was attracted to 
guys
but only romanticly and I didn't
work
that out until university so 
when I was around 19.
Once I new knew about the supply
the traction model I knew that's
what I was just because guys
are attractive.
KATIE:  Fair enough.  So thanks 
guys that was really 
interesting.
I think the next question
is: in your opinions, what are 
the best and
worst online dating sites or 
Aces
seeking Ace partners or 
relationships
.
Kayla: I personally only used
Tinder which is weird because it
is traditionally hook up app.  I
found it fine.
I got two long-term 
relationships out of Tinder.
One was a year and a half long 
so pretty good for dating apps.
But I don't know that Tinder is 
the beds I think  a lot of the 
other apps.
Ok Cupid just
allow for more customisation of 
your profile but I didn't use 
those.
DANIEL:  I had a pretty good 
experience with  Tinder too.
That's where I met my current 
boy friend but
I am gain and we have Grinder
for hook ups so I imagine
Tinder is there, not there for 
gay guys.
I'm not sure.
Kayla: There are a lot less
(inaudible) picks on  Tinder.
DANIEL:  It is worth noting 
there has penal  a new Ace 
dating
site which looks professional 
that came up a few months ago.
I lost track of time but I think
it is just
asexuals.net but I haven't 
heard.  It looks good.  I 
haven't heard any good or bad.
I haven't used it it
myself because I was already 
dating but it is worth checking 
out.
CHRISTA:  The only one I'm on in
itself is  Hinge.
The only reason I joined that 
one is
it seemed less sketchy than 
Tinder
.  It matters itself as being Mr
on long-term relationship.
It has been fine I guess I don't
know if
dating sites agree with me in 
general but
basically I record looking into 
some A specific ones
and they are not widely used 
because there are
Loot lot of asexuals in a 
geographical area.
So you will probably have to use
non-A specific one.  I'm not 
sure about asexuals.
net since that didn't exist at 
the time, you may have to try  a
couple of different specifics 
things.
I'm not sure of the best once.
DANIEL:  It might want if you 
want to specifically luck for.
It is to date or if you are 
willing to date allos as
well because maybe if you find 
dating allos then
using things like tinder would 
be
ok but in you are just want to 
find Ace people
it might narrow the search down 
if you go on asexuals.net.
CHRISTA:  You will likely be in 
a long distance
relationship throw which is what
I've heard so you would
likely have to be open to that 
as  well.
DANIEL:  Yeah.
KATIE:  Cool thank you very 
much.
The next question going into the
theme again of dating 
allopartners.
Are there any red flags to watch
out for as an
Ace when pursuing a romantic 
relationship with an
allopartner, in your
opinions?
Kayla: Probably not being good 
with boundaries
is what I would flag for any 
relationship
of any variety but if you like 
come out as A
spec and they are not down with 
that, I'd
probably leave and if
they are not willing to work 
with you on how often things 
happen
or if things happen or
whatever, yeah,
that's probably the biggest one.
DANIEL:  Yeah I just
hesitated because I find it 
difficult to
think of red flags but in my
previous relation ship my 
exwasn't really
up for talking about boundaries 
and sex and stuff but he still
wanted it, which is not a good 
situation
to be in and I advise not being 
in  a situation like that and 
finding
someone who is open to talking 
about
asexualty and about you've 
boundaries and retaining that 
conversation throughout the 
relationship.
CHRISTA:  Yeah, I think a lot of
general red flags still apply 
when you are Ace.
I can't think of anything 
specifically but boundaries very
important or if you come out as 
Ace and they don't see.
≫:  Like they are being a good 
ally or something.  Just get out
of that.
That is bad news bears.
Kayla: if they are guiling you 
into things.
In any relationship that is bad 
news but sexual things,
if they are like, but I want to
you can be like, well I don't 
want to sir,
or mam or person.
DANIEL:  Someone just asked what
is Ali.
Allojust means someone who is 
not on the Ace spectrum.
So --
Kayla: Someone who does 
experience the attraction.
KATIE:  I'm going to remember to
define things.
DANIEL:  We're all forgetting 
to.  Just used to using the 
jargon.
KATIE:  It is a sign you have 
been in this too long.  Thank 
you guys for the insightful 
answer.
The next question which is find 
very interesting is: Do
you think aromantics
or Rios can have romantic
relationships and if so what 
might that look like.
CHRISTA:  I can take this one.
As an Aromantic
it is possible to have romantic 
relationship but you have to 
communicate
a lot, you have to communicate 
what constitutes
as romantic for you and what 
about that you are ok with 
doing.
Some arrows like hand holding' 
cuddling
or kissing so you have to make 
it clear to your
partner because a lot of those 
things are
even more assumed when you are 
in a romantic relationship
, like you are going to be
doing sort of stereotypically 
romantic things
and if that is something you are
not interested in you have to 
communicate that pretty early on
and things like that.
It is a lot of just figuring out
what constitutes as romance for 
you.
What about that you do linked 
and what you don't and make sure
your
partner understand
s that but it is definitely 
possible.
KATIE:  Thank you.
DANIEL:  I'm not an aromantic 
but I
am an asexual in ow asexual 
relationship so
when my boyfriend and I are 
together we're sexually active
so if you can proved draw a 
parallel between those
2I would say it is absolutely 
possible in the same
way that a relationship
that is sexually active would be
.
Kayla: I don't have anything to 
add.  They are all good.
KATIE:  All good answers.  Thank
you very much.
The next question is
again one I find very 
interesting.
What are your thoughts or
experiences of the
polyamory as an Ace race?
DANIEL:  It is not something I 
would personally be up for just
because I'm too clingy
and sell wish to have my person.
Kayla: Yeah I'm definitely the 
same way, I don't think
I could ever do it but if that's
for you go for it.
CHRISTA:  Same.
Where I don't think it would 
work for me because it is
hard communicating with one 
person for me and then you bring
more people into it and I'm like
god, that's a lot.
But I know there are Aces that
really like polyamory because 
they get different
things from different partners 
so you do you, just remember to 
communicate.
KATIE:  Awesome.  Thank you.
I appreciate that is probably 
not diversity of experience that
question was asking.
If it helps we did, when we did 
this panel at the
conference last year I think two
of the three panellists
a were  polyamorous
and from what I remember they 
had  a great time and sued lot 
of
it was again, a key word here.
Communication being open with 
each of your partners about 
their feelings.
If you are still interested in 
finding out more I'll
see if we still have the details
of the people who gave
the panel last year and I can 
perhaps ask if they would
be willing to get in touch with 
you if you wanted us to go down 
that route.
The next question is how do
you distinguish between romantic
and Platonic
feelings?
DANIEL:  That is similar to the 
question
of the crushes and squishes for 
me.
If I want to add people
I'm romantically attracted to I 
don't
want them to hug me if they are
my friends.
Kayla: I don't know if this is 
helpful but for me it is a very 
internal feeling.
Like physically almost like I 
said earlier
I get  a lot more nervous and 
anxious around people
I have
romantic feelings towards 
because it feels
like there is higher stakes so 
for me I feel emotions strongly 
in my chest.
I have around sigh
anxiety so I feel it more.
I guess the butterflies that 
people talk about.
CHRISTA:  So for me the same 
answer as earlier.
I don't really know the 
difference for the most part
, but if I cam interested in a 
romantic relationship
with sniwill have those more 
serious life planning 
conversations where we're 
talking
about like what we want the 
relationship to look like at 
where we
want it to go so that I really 
what
distinguishes it for me.
KATIE:  Thank you very much for 
that.
Next question which sounds 
little similar to one you have
asked but I think they are 
looking more
for the outside perspective is 
how doubt you deal with people 
who
dismiss your relationships 
because you don't have sex and 
how can you
get them to understand that 
non-sexual
relationships can be just as 
valid and fulfilling
?
Kayla: This is hard for me 
because I do have
sex in my relationship so I 
don't know if I'm
the best to answer this but it 
is telling,
people in allorelationships 
don't necessarily have that much
sex either and four lot of 
people like it is, even
for me, like the sex part of my 
relationships are not most 
important part.
It is service in my partner was 
I don't know about
this I would be ok, fine, I 
don't care.
So  I I'm just reminding people 
that outside
of asexual relationships there 
is a lot of diversity
.
DANIEL:  I think if sex within 
it important part of a
relationship then people 
wouldn't have relationships they
would just have hookers.
It is just, I can't really
talk from my own personal 
experience because
with my current boy friend I've 
been sexually active
but it is not  a massive part of
the relationship
.  If we stopped having sex I 
wouldn't mind in in the 
slightest.
If we stopped cooking together I
would be devastated.  I like 
cooking.
Kayla: That's so perfect!
CHRISTA:  Yeah so in my previous
relationship we didn't
have sex but to be honest my 
main response
is why does this person know all
the details of my
sex life and why do you care 
Bert if this person knows you 
are
not having sex in your 
relationship then yeah, just
getting emto understand there is
a lot more to a relationship 
than just sex.
If you are taketing snihope it 
is not just because you want to 
have section with them.  It is 
because you like talking to 
them.  Hanging out with them.  
Going to the movies and going on
dates.
It is none of their business but
if they insist, there is a lot 
more to it than that.
Kayla: I would honestly ask that
person if they are ok,
if they are so, like
stuck on the idea of having sex 
in the relationship
I would ask how is your 
relationship doing.
DANIEL:  It is actually a cry 
for help  (laughter).
TRAINER:  I do appreciate the 
turning
KATIE:  I do appreciate turning 
the question on them.
Is being Ace really considered 
as  a negative in the dating 
world.  Especially with guys.
DANIEL:  Well I'm a guy, that is
saying something here.
KATIE:  I think guys who are not
you.
Non-ace guys might be what they 
are getting at.
DANIEL:  I date non-ace guys so 
I can also answer this actually
.
CHRISTA:  With a moment!
DANIEL:  I think what that is 
alluding to
is that society expects men to 
be inherently more sexual.
If someone thinks it is a 
negative
that you are asexual they are an
idiot because it is not a 
negative.
People will have, relationships 
will look
different for absolutely
everyone and so you being 
asexual does not detract from  a
relationship.
Please don't let anyone make you
feel that way because it is just
not true.
CHRISTA:  Dating as an asexual, 
you are going to
be ok with some people are not 
going to
want to date you but it doesn't 
make you any
less of  a person and if you 
meet someone who
considers it as a negative then 
don't bother to be
honest because they are just not
thinking about,
they are just not going to be a 
good match for you basically
.  I mostly date women so I 
can't
speak to men because I don't 
want to deal with men most of 
the time but that goes for 
anyone.
Kayla: I personally find most
often being demi sexual as being
a big plus
.  There are some days I
don't feel like that but you can
get to know someone without sex.
You can get to know that they 
like you without sakes you can 
get to know them.
My attraction is on them only so
I feel like I'm pretty great 
today.
There might be other reasons I'm
not great today
but I think my sexuality, I 
think it is a pro.
KATIE:  Awesome.
I feel if you have a dating 
profile you should put it on 
there.  It is  a pro.
Kayla: if I'm ever single again,
which
I hope I'm not but I if I am I 
will put it on there.  I'm a 10 
out of 10.
KATIE:  Ten out of 10.  Would 
date again.
Awesome so we've got about seven
minutes left
so hopefully we can get through 
the next few questions we might 
not be able to get to everyone's
questions unfortunately.
The next question is: 
Would you consider
that romantic attraction is 
divided into
two separate  branches, that is 
pure romantic no physical 
contact and things
such as sensual attacktion 
So things such as kisses.
Kayla: I think that could go if 
you
look \into the\not a split model
of atraction
there is sexual, romantic,
platonic toning
and sensual and
so  I get the you could split 
them up.  Does that make sense.
DANIEL:  I think you should 
split attraction
up into many different parts as 
is useful to you.
For me I only use romantic and
sexual approach to describe 
myself because my romantic 
attraction
and sensual attraction are 
interlinked,
inted woven to the point that it
is difficult to distinguish 
between D2.
If I'm romantic lie trackted I 
means I
will want to hug or kiss them 
because that is just how
my attraction works but if you 
want to
split them up, and if you
feel them explained distinctly, 
then by all means do ask.
≫:  I would divide them up in a 
way that is useful for you.
People are going to experience 
some types of atraction as
linked and others are not
.  Like for me personally I 
don't know.
I don't really know what is 
going on most of the time
so I feel sensual attraction to 
people
I'm close and I sometimes get 
romantic attraction
and the divide just isn't that 
clear-cut for me so if it is
useful for you to divide the
two then yeah, go for it, but do
what you think works for you 
personally.
Kayla: Yeah, it makes me feel 
better
to think about even people who 
don't know about or use the
split model of attraction, they
are still like, it is still like
applicable to them I guess.
Like everyone still does have 
distinct romantic or
sexual attractions even if they 
are very
linked so some people who are A 
phobic
, it is so complicated break
King everything up into parts 
but if it helps you understand
your experience better it is 
probably going to make you a 
more
happy person I guess if you want
to
understand yourself and
once I understood my sexuality 
it made my
relationships better so  I mean 
that also helps as well.
KATIE:  Awesome.
I'm going to wrap up that 
question there because I'm 
conscious we've
got less than four minutes with 
a few questions to go.
So I think the next question I'm
going to
ask is if you don't want to use 
online dating
sites how do you find or meet up
with  a potential Ace partner?
partner?
DANIEL:  I suppose if you are 
willing to date allos
was L then the same way as 
anyone else meets a partner.
I would avoid overtly sexual 
places
.  I wouldn't in my case go
to a gay bar to meet up with 
guys because if
that is where  a lot of the club
culture would be, you
could visit LGBT spaces or more 
specifically Ace ones.
Maybe not with the intention of
finding someone to date, but 
maybe just make
friends and then they might know
someone or you might
end up finding someone through 
that way.
CHRISTA:  I would say focus on 
trying to make friends really
.  Get to know people and 
develop relationships with a
lot of people it seems like this
person
is asking specifically about Ace
partners
so going to meet ups and trying 
to make
friends through those channels 
so try not to think of
it as I am going here to 
specifically date someone.
Think of it as I'm trying to 
make connections and meet
people that would be a lot 
easier.
Kayla: Queer spaces have a 
higher percentage of Ace people.
I was in (inaudible) and there 
was a there was
an abnormally high percentage of
Ace people
so going to places that are more
open and tolerant of
things in general is probably 
where other Ace
people are going to congregate.
KATIE:  Awesome.
So we have I think about 30 
seconds for the next question so
fingers on the butsers.
What is the most appropriate way
to respond to friends or 
potential dates who shut
down on your asexuality saying 
it doesn't
need  a label or you are just 
being picky.
CHRISTA:  Punch them.
Kayla: Don't but you can think 
about it, that might make you 
feel better.
CHRISTA:  Seriously, don't 
consider that person a friend.
That is a very rude 
inconsiderate thing to
say to someone about any label.
Not just asexuality and you 
deserve better than  that.
DANIEL:  Yes just turn and walk 
away because they are obviously 
not a very nice person.
Kayla: if you are dedicated
you are educate them if you are 
feeling it, go for it other but 
if not.
Just leave and they are probably
\into the\not a great person to 
be around.
KATIE:  Thank you, I'm going to 
have to wrap that up there 
because we have less than 302nd.
You unfortunately that's all we 
have time for today.
I hope everyone will join me in 
giving
a huge round of manual platforms
to
virtual applause to Christa, 
Kayla and Daniel.
He
if you would like to join the 
gather discussions on trauma and
abuse.  These are on gather at 
4PM.  Or mingle with earth 
attendees.
The next panel discussions will 
be starting at
