 
Falling Stars  
Sadie Grubor
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Copyright 2012-15 Sadie Grubor

Cover Art by VST

This book may not be reproduced or used in whole or in part by any existing means without written permission from the publisher. Contact Author at sadiegrubor@live.com.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.
Blurb  
**"The haunting pools of dark chocolate drew me in and made my skin crackle. She was beautiful, breathtakingly so. Before this moment, I don't think I truly realized just how beautiful she is. A new ache formed in my chest."**

Christopher Mason, front man of the band The Forgotten, is hot, famous, and everything you would expect from a famous rock star. He's cocky, demanding, beautiful, and pained. Despite his fame and beautiful bad boy appearance, he's battling age-old demons on the inside. Demons so powerful, they have the potential to destroy him and his band. He's the ultimate falling star. Something so beautiful within the atmosphere, but so hazardous when trying to catch. You always wish on a falling star, but is all hope lost?

Mia Ryder, lead vocalist of the band Hushed Mentality, is energetic, fun, and laidback. The good girl rocker willing to tame this falling star. Her band just made it big and fighting the temptation is hard. She's handling lesser demons of her own. Give in to this bad boy or live for her band? Being everything that Christopher isn't may just burn her in the end.

Determined to get rid of the girl group plaguing his tour, Christopher will do almost anything. Mia fights him head on, causing a cataclysm of stars to shoot into the most beautiful performance of falling stars. Every dog has their day, will Christopher's behavior become enough to bring this dog down? Within the downfall, Christopher Mason becomes sure of one thing, and it's the one thing he's tried so hard to push away. Will Mia be strong enough to catch a falling star?
**THE FALLING STARS PLAYLIST  
**

I know, this has been done with other books. HOWEVER, this is a rock star romance _and_ I like to draw emotion from different songs/music. So, I've created a playlist on  YouTube and my website where you can listen to the exact playlist I did. On top of that, I'm going to provide you with a few specific songs/bands who were a HUGE inspiration to my characters:

Hushed Mentality – Band Inspiration: The Black Sheep

The Forgotten – Band Inspiration: Stone Sour/SlipKnot (the sound not the appearance)

Christopher specific songs:

I'm A Monster by Ours

Creep by Radiohead

Hate Me by Blue October

Mia specific songs:

Fireless by The Black Sheep (version with the big cello band orchestra)

Nobody Knows by The Black Sheep

Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar

Want more??? Jump over to my playlist on  YouTube or my website and have a listen.

**Dedication & Special Thanks:  
**

This is for those who love an egotistical, arrogant, often arse-hole, anti-hero. Not every hero has to be good. What matters is the effort to be real, open, and honest.

Special thanks to my husband – You are my rock star! <3

Tina – I am forever grateful for your help.

To _iTunes_ for your endless rock inspiration, to Mary Harris for all her long hard effort working with me, and to all of you who have supported my writing.

Monica, oh where do I begin? You are the miracle worker who corrects me and makes me sound so much better than I ever imagined I could. For all your long hours, me excessively bothering you, and for extensive late night Facebook chats, you deserve sainthood! I am forever indebted to you.

Chapter One

Christopher Mason

Surrounded by darkness and the familiar stagnant smell, I curled into the proverbial fetal position. Covering my ears with my hands, I tried to block out the screams and cries reverberating throughout my head. He screamed so loud, she cried so hard, trying was almost pointless. I began to sob, prolonging the inevitable was even more torture than what was happening before me. I screamed out, unable to hold the gut-wrenching heartbreak and terror flowing though my veins.

"Shh...it's okay, baby," she tried convincing me, but her swollen eyes and blood-streaked mouth told a different tale. Not everything was ok.

The ringing and vibrating of my cell phone pulled me out of the darkness of my nightmare. When my cell landed on the floor with a thud, I opened my eyes to blinding daylight, immediately shutting them again. I was partly annoyed and partly thankful for the interruption in my nightly rerun. I leaned over my bed and grabbed the phone from the floor.

"Hello," I answered my voice raspy. I must have been screaming again.

"Christopher, I need you to be at the record label in an hour. Can you make it on time?" Nicholas hollered into my ear.

I pulled the phone away instantly, his voice still ringing in my ear, and quickly turned the volume down.

"Why?"

Pulling myself up, I sat on the edge of my bed and rubbed the stiffness from my neck. A hand slid up my back, catching me off guard. I turned around, seeing the blonde from last night lying next to me, her upper half completely exposed. I covered the phone with my hand.

"You can go now."

In fact, she should have already been fucking gone. I hated when they became clingy. They knew the fucking drill.

"I don't know why I even waste time with someone who only cares about himself and keeps me up all damn night with the moaning and shouting," she huffed and rustled around behind me.

The dream was common; I relived that hellish experience almost every night of my life. However, becoming vocal was new. This wasn't a good sign. I needed to make a call to my personal pharmacist.

"Christopher, did you hear me?"

_Shit_!

"Sorry, still trying to wake up. What were you saying?"

"Another morning distraction, I'm guessing?" The annoyance in his tone was familiar.

"Gee, _Dad_ , you gonna ground me?"

Ignoring my remark, Nicolas Shaw—bio dad and manager—stayed on topic. "The label has some news they want to share with the band. The meeting's at nine."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell Jackson. You can track down Elliott and Jimmy," I said, yawning. My bedroom door slammed and I flinched, my head protesting the noise.

"They aren't home?"

"If they were, do you think I would be asking about it?"

My sarcasm matched the annoyance in my voice.

"I will call them to let them know. See you in an hour and, Christopher..."

"Yeah?" I prompted him to continue, walking to the bathroom.

"Lose the attitude."

Nicholas hung up. With a snort, I tossed my phone onto the bathroom counter.

While pissing, I heard my phone vibrate against the tile counter before it alerted me to the text message.

Don't be late.

It was Nicholas. Rolling my eyes, I tossed the phone back onto the counter and walked into the shower.

The water sprayed hot against my skin, washing away the sweat from my nightly curse. My brain, however, was in overdrive. Everything came back to me in flashes. I remembered the alcohol and pills; how much I had to ingest before getting a few hours of peaceful sleep. When my mind started to drift toward things I did not want to remember, I turned the silver shower knob to cold and let the frigid water blast me. After dressing, I woke Jackson up and told him to get ready.

With Jackson getting ready, I walked down the hall of our shared house, attempting to rid my mind of my fucked up past. I thought about Jackson, my stepbrother, whom I met when I was about twelve. Nicholas, my father and manager, had married Jackson's mother, Gwen, before I came to live with them.

I stopped in front of one of the many framed discs lining the hallway. There was a picture of Jackson, Elliott, Jimmy, and me above one of the discs. That was the day The Forgotten had first gone platinum.

We all lived together on the outskirts of Seattle in a house kept under heavy surveillance. With our personal guards and cameras, we didn't have to worry about the paparazzi or crazy fans getting any closer than the locked, iron gate at the end of our long driveway. Some extremely well planned attempts have been made, but ultimately fell through. Our security fucking rocks.

With a quick glance at the other two doors in the hallway, I mused over the events of last night. Jimmy had disappeared into a crowd of short-skirted girls early on. Elliott, on the other hand, sat in a booth with twins. He'd departed about an hour before Jackson helped the blonde and me out to the car. Our assigned bodyguards, Darius and Gerald, had been waiting for us, while Stan and Vince had split up to chaperone Elliott and Jimmy.

I could hear Darius and Gerald downstairs talking and watching television. Darius had gotten the unfortunate task of monitoring me. I had made it my goal to disappear on him as often as possible; an act he rarely found amusing.

I chuckled at the thought.

Once Jackson was finished and downstairs, Darius and Gerald escorted us to the waiting black car. We headed to Nobil Records in downtown Seattle. Tonya greeted us very warmly at the door and looped elbows with us as she guided us both to the conference room on the second floor. Jackson slowly pulled his arm out of hers, as if he had to stretch. _Smooth move._ I snorted at the action. Neither one of us would go near Tonya again once we'd learned she had been fucking us both.

"They have been waiting on you," she smiled slyly. "Are you being a bad boy again, Chrissie?"

Her body molded against mine. I chuckled and shook my head. Her desperation for attention rolled off her in waves.

Before she headed back to her desk, she leaned over, placed her hand on my chest, and whispered, "When are we going to see each other again, Chrissie?"

I grimaced at the nickname, glaring at Jackson when he snorted at the conversation. Ignoring her question, I walked into the conference room.

I slunk down into the available seat in front of me, Jackson slouching into the leather on my left. I noticed that the rest of the band got the memo. Elliott was sitting across from me, his head down on his folded arms. Jimmy was next to him with his head tossed back on the chair, the dark sucker bite on his neck on display for everyone.

"You're late."

I looked up at the sound of Nicholas' disappointment. I shrugged and he scowled at me, but before he could begin his lecture, the door opened. Richard entered the room, flanked by Una. He looked around the table, took count of everyone present, and began.

"Okay, everyone here? Good. Let's get this meeting started."

Una stood at his side. Just like her father, her face held the same half-tilted smile Richard wore when he was excited. This worried me.

"We have great news for you, gentlemen."

As Richard spoke, I looked over to Nicholas. He wore a nervous and uneasy look. My suspicions immediately ramped up. I pulled my attention away from Nicholas when Richard continued with his speech.

"So, it's time to take the new CD on tour, wouldn't you agree?" he asked, smiling largely.

"Hell yeah!" Elliott eagerly agreed and pounded his fist to the table.

We all knew what tours were about and enjoyed them. I got away from the day-to-day bullshit and got to go on the road. It did wonders for my songwriting. We all sat forward up, stoked over the news. I wasn't the only one that enjoyed touring.

"Great to know that you are all on board," Richard said, turning to Una and motioning for her to begin.

"Okay, fellas, The Forgotten will be starting the Soul Abandonment tour in one month and, as of right now, will be traveling for ten months," she said, handing out folders.

"You're going to have to fly to several locations but, since we have everything planned out precisely, a lot of the tour will be on the bus."

Una returned to her place next to Richard. Nicholas stepped forward and began to go over some of the details. We listened while going through the tentative schedules and tour dates. After finishing with the specifics, Richard came around and shook our hands. We all thought the meeting was over, but Una stood center stage with Richard at her side.

This was different.

"Now, for the last bit of news for the tour, we have secured your opening act. They will be joining us here in Seattle to get ready for the kick-off concert," she paused. I glanced over at Nicholas. _Busted!_

"Since when do we not get to decide on our opening act?" I spat out.

Nicholas' face took on a hard expression.

"Well, Christopher, we usually let you have a say in the matter; however, the band is an up-and-coming group that already has a decent following. We recently signed them and just released their single. They have been climbing the charts non-stop. To be honest, we haven't seen a group grow so quickly since The Forgotten. So, that should tell you what a good match it will be for the tour," she said, smiling widely.

Before I could say anything, Nicholas stepped in.

"Not to mention that Una, here, was the one to discover our new prospect."

Nicholas gave me a warning look.

_Ah, Daddy's little girl was the founder of the band. Her plan is to place them on our tour to help them grow in the midst of our fan base._ _There is no way I'm going to stand by as some fucking group's springboard to fame._

"Have we heard of the band?" Jackson asked.

I quickly looked at him in disbelief. He was just accepting the situation without a fight. I thought they would all be just as upset as I was. Looking over at Elliott and Jimmy, I saw curiosity on their faces. _What the hell?_

"I'm not sure. As I said, they're fairly new. It's an all-girl band named Hushed Mentality," Una said, beaming like the proud mother she was.

"They're a very talented band and their lead singer is amazing. I think you guys will enjoy the company on the tour and get along well."

A girl band. She has to be kidding. They have a pop tart, giggling girl fest on our tour. How is this a good fucking match?

I was going to protest, but Una gave me a look, telling me my argument would be pointless. Slouching back into my chair, I decided to bide my time. Once I got Nicholas alone to talk, there would be changes.

Mia Ryder

Holy Shit, Mia, can you believe we are going on tour? Like a real tour!" Kat screamed and excitedly punched my arm. "We're on our way baby!"

She grinned at me and lifted her beer bottle in the air. I rubbed the spot she'd hit before picking up my own bottle. We all tapped our beer bottles together. Sitting at our favorite local bar in Whidbey Island and celebrating our band's new success, I looked around the table.

Kat, our bassist, had her head tossed back. Laney, lead guitar, danced in her seat. My sister and drummer, Serena, pulled her bottle from her smiling lips.

"It's so crazy!" Laney bounced in her seat.

"It's amazing." Serena sat back in the wooden bar chair and sighed.

Since our meeting with Una yesterday, I have not been able to stop smiling. My freaking cheeks hurt from the overuse of muscles. A few months ago, she found us playing this very bar. We had just wrapped up a rehearsal when she approached us. We knew she didn't belong in a bar like this. Her perfect, shiny, light brown hair, clear, fair skin, and executive power suit screamed _high class_. Her presence drew attention.

Since I am the lead singer, universally known as the head of the band, Una introduced herself to me first. She wasn't shy in her greeting or getting to the point of the conversation. She asked that I rally up Serena, Kat, and Laney to sit and talk with her. I thought Kat was going to pass out when Una said the words Nobil Recording. Una continued to discuss a few things relevant to what she pictured for us and asked us to think about it. Leaving us with a business card and a lot think about, it took us approximately five minutes to decide. This is what we had always wanted. Playing music, something we were passionate about, for a living? Hell to the yes. We called the next morning to set up a meeting.

After getting a tour of the place, we were introduced to Richard Nobil and signed the intent to commit. From that moment, everything started to fall into place for us. We trusted Una, who had, from the beginning, ensured and showed she had our best interests as a priority. We recorded our first single and Nobil rushed to get it on the radio.

Laney was the first to hear our song. It started playing on a local radio station while she was at work in the coffee shop. She called all of us, screaming. From that moment forward, we became a popular request and heard ourselves more and more during regular play time.

"To top it all off, we are touring with The Forgotten! You all know how huge they are. We are going to be playing gigantic crowds. Ahhh!" Serena stood and did a dance. I laughed, taking in her excitement.

Serena, my sister and best friend, took on the role of mother after our mother had died when we were young. I was twelve and she was thirteen when our father remarried Linda. Even then, with only a year in age difference, she felt the need to nurture and protect me. She took on the mother role and it suited her personality.

If someone were to look at us from the outside, you would never believe we were sisters. She had my mother's curly, red hair and freckles, along with her hazel eyes. However, Serena dyed her hair to a much more vibrant red. I, on the other hand, had my father's black, wavy hair, extremely fair complexion, and eyes so dark brown they were almost black.

Where she was tall and curvy, I hold down the fort at five foot six and slender. Serena was a full C cup, while I had a medium B cup. Bra size is always relevant. However, I inherited our mother's singing voice. Once my school choir coach got ahold of me, she made sure to meet with me for private lessons in voice coaching. I was thankful for the extra attention, even if her driving goal was for the school choir to win a state championship.

When Serena started taking drum lessons, I wiggled in some piano lessons, loving the way the keys felt under my fingers. The piano led to me picking up a guitar and learning the basics from a guy I had dated in high school. I relentlessly practiced so I could improve. After the piano, it wasn't too difficult to catch on.

"What about all the rumors about the band, especially the rumors about the lead singer? They say he's a real douchebag," Kat said loud enough to break me from my thoughts.

"Hey, I vow that we wait to make any judgments about them until after we meet them in person," I responded raising my beer. Everyone else joined me.

"I still can't believe this. It's unbelievable!" Serena laughed.

I was nervous about the chemistry between us and the other band. It was no secret that The Forgotten was one of the hottest bands around. Musically, professionally, and physically. It was also no secret the band had a reputation, especially the dark lead singer often labeled the hot, arrogant asshole. I only hoped we could all get along amicably. If not, we would fake it when necessary and ignore each other the rest of the time.

"What about your dream to be a famous ballet dancer?" Serena laughed, winking at me. Everyone else joined in.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. Being a dancer was a bad inside joke. Our stepmother, Linda, had been determined to keep me dancing out of respect for my dead mother, who had started my lessons when I was four. Deep down, Linda really was hoping she would have one girlie stepdaughter. Imagine her disappointment when, after eleven years of dance classes, at the rebellious age of fifteen, I quit. Pursuing our dream of music became my full focus. Now, twelve years after quitting dance, I felt justified. We'd signed a record deal.

"What about your dream to be married with kids?" I shot back at Serena.

Laney shot beer out her nose. Serena scowled at me. I knew it was unfair, but I had to return the ill joke. Serena had gotten very rebellious after dad remarried and ended up unmarried and pregnant at twenty-four, much to Linda's horror. Linda tried to convince Serena to get married, but luckily, it never went that far. The father disappeared from town after Ryan's birth and hasn't been seen or heard from again. Our father assumed he was off in prison somewhere, wishful thinking on his part. I knew, somewhere deep inside, that Dad hoped he was some big guy's prison girlfriend.

Linda took to Ryan immediately, as if he were her own child. So much, in fact, that when Serena told Linda she would be hiring a nanny and taking Ry on tours with us, Linda wouldn't hear it. Therefore, they worked out an arrangement where he would travel with us for part of the tour and stay with Linda the rest of the time.

"Here's to you, Mia, and your awesome voice and songs. To all of us and our futures!" Laney toasted, raising her beer.

My face warmed at the compliment. We all clanked our bottles before taking long draws. Our discussion then fell into planning for the tour. The possibilities were endless. Our stars were on the rise.
Chapter Two

Mia

Serena, Kat, and I sat in the car waiting for Laney to finish her final shift at the coffee house. Today was her last day as a barista and we had a meeting with Una at the record label's main office in Seattle.

"I hate March snow," Serena complained as a few flakes fell from the late March sky. "Snow shouldn't be allowed after January."

She continued with her rant for about fifteen more minutes. The remainder of the ride was quiet. We entered the recognizable lobby with the familiarly annoying and fake receptionist, Tonya. Serena leaned in over the desk.

"Good morning, Tonya. How are you today?" Serena asked with an exaggerated smile, fluttering her eyelashes.

I snickered. Tonya rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed.

"Una is waiting for you in the second level conference center."

She turned back to the computer and started typing.

"What? No escort service today?" Serena asked, hand to her chest in mock horror. "I thought you were the _escort_ for the company."

Serena winked as Tonya turned with an angry glare. The rest of us held our laughter until we got to the elevator.

"You know, you really are a bitch." The doors slid closed as if emphasizing my point.

"No, Mia, she's the bitch," Serena said, shrugging. "From day one she's been an asshole, so I choose to treat her the way she treats everyone else."

"You mean everyone she doesn't want to sleep with," Kat added with a giggle.

"Yes." Serena turned to Kat. "I amend my statement. What Kat said."

I smiled and shook my head while Serena and Kat gave each other a high-five. The elevator doors opened to the second level, and we all walked off in search of the conference center.

"Anyone remember where this room is?" I asked, turning to them.

"I think it was this way," Laney said, pointing to the left. We started in that direction.

"Mia?"

I turned to see Una walking from a room we had just passed.

"Hey, sorry, is that the conference room?"

"Yeah, didn't Tonya bring you up or tell you where to go?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That bitch only told us second level conference center," Kat answered. "God forbid she lose a press-on nail by pushing an elevator button."

Una shook her head.

"Well, if you would, please join me in here and have a seat."

Everyone found an empty seat while Una handed out folders. Each folder contained lists of names, tour dates, and papers that needed to be signed. This thing held at least a hundred pages. I didn't know where to begin.

"Okay, ladies, we are going to go over the tentative tour schedule. I say tentative because new dates could always get added."

She looked around at us, probably to see if we had any questions.

"So far, we have one addition to your schedule following the kick off concert here in Seattle."

She pulled open a binder and pulled out the tour date listing.

"As you see, we added the date you requested to play at your high school. It works out perfectly. After the Seattle show, we will spend the night and play the dance the following night, allowing for one more day at home before leaving for the next show."

We had all graduated from the same high school. Therefore, when I'd received the request from the high school student council to appear for one of their dances, I forwarded it to Una hoping she could make it happen.

"Thank you so much for working the school concert in, Una." I said, smiling to her.

"Not a problem. I think it's a great thing to do for your school. And, from a manager's stand point, it is awesome free press."

She winked and smiled.

We continued to go over the schedule and the fine print of other documents. We had to agree to press conferences, interviews, and promotional photo shoots. I understood the need for the photo shoots, but I wasn't overly excited about it. Laney and Kat were bouncing in their seats, happy to get professional makeup and hair artists.

Just as Una was finishing up, someone knocked briefly and entered the room. It was Richard and another man. Una stood up quickly.

"Father, Nicholas," she nodded at both men.

_Ah, this is Nicholas Shaw._ I'd never seen him in person. He's an extremely handsome older man.

"Una, dear, how are things going?" Richard asked, hugging her.

Una looked irritated at his open affection.

"Things are going well," she said, smiling proudly. "We were just finishing up."

"Absolutely wonderful," he exclaimed, gesturing to Nicholas as he spoke. "I thought that since Nicholas was here we could make some introductions."

"Ladies, this is Nicholas Shaw, manager of The Forgotten."

Una motioned toward him. We greeted him in unison.

"Good afternoon, Ladies. It's a pleasure to meet you," Nicholas responded professionally and dignified.

Well spoken, handsome, and manager of the current hottest rock band? I was ready to swoon.

"Let me see if the guys are still in the building. Perhaps, you all could meet before you begin your tour?"

He turned and walked from the room.

"Excellent idea, Nicholas," Richard proclaimed as he exited behind him.

"God, that man has the ass of a twenty year old," Kat whispered in my ear.

I nudged her with my elbow to shush her, but I had to agree. My face flushed slightly with where my thoughts were going. Yep, definitely swoon-worthy.

Una turned her attention back to the remaining items on our agenda just as the door opened again. I couldn't help but chuckle at the frustrated look on her face. Nicholas entered with The Forgotten in tow. I was obviously aware of who the band was, every red-blooded female in America knew who this band was.

Jimmy, with the skinny build and long, shaggy, black-streaked blond hair, had a multitude of tattoos covering both arms and two large diamond studs in each ear. Elliott was the large, muscle man type with the shaved head. He was sporting a large tattoo on his left bicep. A bicep that looked like it would rip his t-shirt sleeve at any moment. The fronts of his forearms were inked with words I couldn't see from this vantage point and he had large gauges fitted into each lobe. This man was a beast. Jackson, extremely tall with super short, bleached hair and goatee, had a double bar piercing above his left eye and a lip ring. His tattoos were prominently on his arms, but I could see part of one along the left side of his neck.

Then, there was Christopher. Christopher was tall and lean, but still had muscular definition and broad shoulders. His hair midnight black with a blue cast to his unruly spikes. His tattoos were similar to Jackson's and he came equipped with sexy viper-bite piercings in his lower lip. When he licked his bottom lip, I caught a glimpse of a small silver ball in his tongue. My mind apparently set up residence in the gutter today.

Their posters and pictures really didn't do their appearance justice. They were ridiculously attractive. Waves of bad boy hotness pulsed through their pores; a girl just didn't stand a chance. They filed in and sat across from us, with exception to Christopher who chose to stand next to Nicholas with a scowl on his face.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and the glare on Christopher's face was insulting. Una cleared her throat and started making introductions, pointing out each person as she spoke.

"Jimmy, Jackson, Elliott, Christopher, this is Kat, Laney, Serena, and Mia, also known as Hushed Mentality. Ladies, this is The Forgotten."

"Welcome to the tour," Elliott spoke first with a mischievous grin. The more I saw of him, the more I realized just how huge he was. He looked like he could win Mr. Universe.

"Thanks," we all replied.

"It's nice to meet you guys," I spoke up, looking at each of them quickly.

Christopher snorted and I shot a look to him immediately. What an asshole. I guess waiting to make judgment wasn't going to take as long as I thought.

"Oh-kay," Nicholas spoke up before the tension got any worse. "We are going to head out to handle some promotional photos."

Christopher quickly turned and walked out of the room.

"It was a pleasure to meet y'all," Jackson said as he was leaving.

Jackson was even taller in person, though I shouldn't have been surprised. In all of his interviews, reporters always brought up the fact he was almost seven feet tall. I smiled at him. He nodded and exited.

"Bye," Jimmy spoke with a nod.

Huh, he was shorter in person.

"Later," Elliott offered, smiling brightly and waving. They both followed Jackson out.

"Ladies," Nicholas said, bowing his head. He left the room with Richard hot on his heels. Richard didn't look happy, but I couldn't be sure.

"Well, that was interesting," Una said. "I apologize for the discomfort of the situation. They are all really nice gentlemen..."

"Yeah," I snorted. "When you say gentlemen, you really mean Christopher is an asshat, right?" I blurted. A smirk spread over my lips.

Serena couldn't hold in her laugh. Kat and Laney joined in. Una blushed.

"Well..." she said as she closed the conference room door. "I'll be honest and up front with you. Christopher is difficult; brilliant but difficult. I am hoping that he will warm up to this, but those chances are minimal. Can you handle that?" Una looked each one of us in the face.

"Fuck him!" Kat said, slamming her hand to the table with a chuckle.

"Kat," I said, trying to sound serious and not laugh. I failed.

"Look, Una, he can do what he wants. We'll play our shows, do our thing, and let him be. In the event that we do interact with him, it will be on a professional basis. We can handle it."

She smiled at us all. "Good to hear." We all stood, ready to leave.

"Oh, ladies, just so you know, I have no doubt that you can handle those boys," Una said, her words full of satisfaction.

We headed out to the van discussing everything we needed to wrap up over the next week and half before we left on the tour. The first thing we were obligated to was a photo shoot in two days.

Christopher

When Nicholas called us up to the conference room to meet with the pop tart princesses, I was reluctant to show up. However, Nicholas played the father card on me.

I walked in and took in the appearance of four girls at the table. Una introduced them. Kat is a platinum blonde with purple-streaked haired, who looks like she should be modeling bathing suits. However, the large sleeve tattoo and lip ring probably made that career path impossible.

Laney, a small girl with spiked pink hair, a toothy smile, and an apparent case of over activeness, bounced in her seat. I was sure if I looked under the table, her leg would be going a mile a minute.

Full-breasted Serena had curly, neon red hair. The Monroe piercing in her lip was hot.

Then, Mia, dressed in an oversized, long sleeved T-Shirt. From what I could see, she was a thin girl with long, black hair, a small diamond in her nose, and haunting, dark eyes. The way her eyes drew you in was all consuming. The attraction sparked my irritation to a higher level of anger.

They sat there staring at us until Elliott spoke. _The damned idiot couldn't just keep his mouth shut so we could get out of here._

Mia spoke and I couldn't help but snort. _She isn't going to last. I'm going to make her life so fucking miserable, this wanna-be rocker will be begging to leave the tour in no time._ She shot me a look filled with irritation and hate. _Bring it on, little girl. You have no idea who you are messing with._

Nicholas excused us from the room and directed us toward our scheduled photo shoot for our cover. We had to take care of it today even though we'd to be back in two days for another round of promotional tour photos.

"Christopher?" Nicholas asked, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

Shit, here we go. 'Chris you need to be a professional...'

"Nicholas?"

Richard stopped Nic before he could scold me. _Ha, looks like you're going to get it first._

Standing there, I watched my father's face fill with shame and irritation. Richard's looked stern. Their voices were too low for me to hear anything. With a nod, Nicholas shook Richard's hand and headed toward me.

"Son, could you please attempt to be civil?"

I began to walk away but he kept pace with me.

"Please, Christopher? You're going to be on tour for almost ten months. You can either make this easier on everyone, or harder," he exhaled harshly.

"Hey, I already told you I'm not happy about this. I think there are better options than this chick group. I'm not going to pretend to be happy or even okay with it."

I wanted him to shut the hell up.

"You don't have to like them, Christopher, but you do have to work with them. So, I suggest you get off your fucking high horse, man up, and do your job."

Shock slowed my pace. _Nicholas doesn't swear. At all_. _He believes it to be undignified and unintelligent._

He quickly out stepped me and took the lead to the studio downstairs. I caught up with him. Before I could argue, he began again.

"You don't have to be friends with them, but you do have to be professional. That's all I'm asking. No, that's all I'm requiring from you."

"Fine," I growled.

We didn't say anything else. We didn't have to. It didn't matter anyhow after seeing how easily I could irritate Mia. My plan would work and would work quickly.

Reaching the studio a couple of floors down, I entered the dressing room. My bandmates assaulted me with their opinions about those damn girls.

"Did you see how fucking hot they are?" Jimmy boasted and slouched into a chair. "Damn," he purred.

"Dude, the redhead almost did me in with the Monroe piercing. Then, the long black-haired chick? Fuck me. She bit her bottom lip and I almost burst in my pants!"

Elliott fist bumped Jimmy from the seat next to him. I rolled my eyes.

"What about you, man?"

I looked up at Jimmy's question, but he was talking to Jackson.

He shrugged. "They're attractive."

"Bullshit, douchebag, which one?" Elliott asked, pursing his lips and eyeing Jackson from the corner of his eye.

Jackson smirked. "The tiny, little, pink-haired girl was too damn cute, man." He shook his head and lightly laughed. "You know I'm a sucker for tiny girls."

Elliott burst into a chortle and Jimmy laughed with him.

"Jesus, leave it to the giant to want to get with the dwarf," Jimmy snorted.

"Hey, I can't help it if I prefer my women eye level with my zipper," Jackson retorted with a cocky smile.

"Hell yeah, you sick bastard!" Elliott excitedly agreed.

"How 'bout you, Chris? I bet it's the blonde one, huh? She looks your type." Jackson shot the question with a nod.

I glowered at him, but refused to respond.

"Oh, Christ, super emo boy is in full effect today," Elliott groaned. "Where's your cape?" he mocked.

Without lifting my head from the couch I'd sprawled across, I gave him my middle finger.

"Don't get too comfortable with them."

Eyes now closed, I let a happy grin form.

"What the fuck are you up to now?" Jackson asked suspiciously.

I remained quiet and returned my attention to my plan.

*****

Two days later, we were back for more photos. Entering Nobil Records in the late morning, I saw Tonya at her usual post in the receptionist seat.

She fluttered her eyes and tried waving seductively. I turned my head without acknowledging her. _The bitch needed to get a fucking hint. She slept with my fucking brother. I refuse to get my dick wet knowing Jackson's been there too._ I shuddered and we groggily climbed onto the elevator, heading down to the photo studio for the promo shots.

"Don't ever let me drink that much again," Elliott groaned, his temple pressed to the wall of the elevator.

The elevator dinged and Elliott shushed it. We busted up laughing and walked off.

"That's what you get for doing body shots all night," Jackson lectured.

"Dude, you saw how hot the dancer was," Elliott defended. "You're just jealous." He smiled crookedly at Jackson.

"Jealous of what?" Jackson chuckled. "You, passed out drunk? By the way, Chris fucked her in the men's room."

Elliott's face dropped.

"What?" he whined.

Jimmy patted my back, laughing. "Well played, Chris."

"God damn it," Elliott growled.

We entered the studio and immediately rushed into make-up. Each of us took a chair waiting for the stylist and make-up artist to arrive. After about fifteen minutes, they finally showed.

"Sorry, guys, we had to do some touch-ups on the first group," Layla apologized as she picked up her sponges and tubes.

"First group?" Jimmy questioned while Meghan was working on his bleached platinum head. _Honestly, dude had no hair. Why in the hell was she wasting time on him?_

"Yeah, they were brought in earlier. You know how it is, girls take longer than guys." She smiled and kept working. I sat back and relaxed while she finished up.

We were all in there for about an hour before Nicholas arrived.

"I want you all on your best behavior. We're shooting the tour promos today."

That's when it clicked. _Tour_ _promos. Girls. First group. It was the damn vagina gang._

Quickly, I moved out of the dressing room to see if they were still here, but wardrobe grabbed us and pulled us in to change.

Finally able to get the dressers off me, I stepped out into the large room with the photo stage. There they were, standing grouped together with the photographer fawning over them. I felt the guys approach and stand around me.

"They are so fucking hot!" Elliott said loudly next to my ear.

My brow creased. _Jesus Christ, they aren't that fucking hot. I know hot, these girls are mediocre._

"I agree," Jimmy said, licking his lips. Jackson just stared with his mouth slightly open.

"Will you guys suppress your raging, sixteen-year-old hard-ons for, like, two minutes?" I scoffed.

"This coming from Mister 'come on, I'll fuck you in the men's room'," Elliott laughed loudly. "You know that Blondie is on your to-do list. And, before you ask, no, I will not do body shots with her so you can get her."

They all laughed. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched. The girls waited to begin the pictures. They were standing beside the stage area while some roadies set up more props.

They stepped to their instruments, a drum set with lips all over it and three guitars. Tiny grabbed the purple glitter-covered guitar. The second was a bright yellow bass that Blondie slipped over her shoulder. The last was a green guitar with a picture of Kermit the Frog. Mia grabbed it.

They each took their place and the set director turned on some music. Mia stood front and center with a guitar swung around to her back.

"I want you to sing with the song for the shots," the photographer instructed. "Sing like you guys are rehearsing."

Mia swung the green guitar in front of her and moved her fingers across the strings. Holding it low, she grabbed the microphone stand and started to sing. Surprise filled me as her voice saturated the air from the radio. However, the studio could do whatever they wanted with a sound table and editing equipment.

"Okay, now give me an actual stage performance," the photographer shouted.

Mia moved around the stage, leaning toward the photographer as if he were the crowd while interacting with the others in the group.

"Kill me now," Elliott groaned and leaned against me, biting his fist.

I gave him a confused look.

"The red-head," he growled out. "Her tongue is all over her lips while she...look," he groaned and pointed.

Sure enough, as she played her drums her tongue would peek out from behind her lips. I nudged Elliott off me.

"Damn, Una wasn't lying, they're good," Jimmy said.

I grunted.

"You guys didn't Google them?" Jackson asked, looking at us astounded.

"I did," Elliott spoke up with a proud smile and a fist pump into the air.

"I can't believe neither of you bothered to listen to the group scheduled to open for us," Jackson said, shaking his head.

"Shut up!" Jimmy said, and I nodded in agreement.

I was too busy planning their replacement.

The thought brought a small smile to my lips. Suddenly, the set director approached us to come toward the stage. The girl's props were removed and the crew was setting up for our first shots.

"Wait," the set director said loudly. "Nicholas, Una, do we want a group shot?"

Nicholas looked hesitant to answer. He looked to Una. Una said something, shrugged, and then nodded.

"Yes, just a few," Nicholas answered for them.

The set director shouted to some assistant to get the girls to come back to the stage.

"This will be fantastic," the photographer said proceeding to move the lighting around and change camera lenses.

The girls looked extremely hesitant and Mia rolled her eyes when she caught my glare. Once they were on stage with us, it looked like a cooties war, both bands keeping to their groups.

"Mingle! Mingle!" The director ordered.

"What do you want us to do?" Red asked with her hands on her hips.

I watched Elliott walk over and wrap his arm around her shoulders. He smiled large just before picking her up, bridal style. I stayed off to the side watching him in disdain. Everyone else laughed. I heard the photographer taking advantage of the moment with the sound of his shutter clicking rapidly.

"That's perfect, keep it up...everyone join in," the director shouted, walking up to push us further together.

I bumped into Mia and felt a jolt. She looked at me quickly, blushed, and walked away. The next thing I knew, Tiny was wrapping one arm in mine while looping her other arm with Jackson's. I looked over in time to see Mia hop onto Jimmy's back. I scowled.

The crew brought out a large red velvet couch. Elliott sat dead center with Jimmy to his left and Jackson to his right. Tiny sat on the arm of the couch leaning toward Jackson with her hand behind his head. Blondie had the other arm. Red lay across the guys' laps. I walked over and stood behind the couch and Elliott's head. Leaning forward, I placed my hands on the back and eyed Mia. She sat on the floor between Elliott's legs, Indian style, with her head leaning on his knee. Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I put on my photo face.

After the small jolt from our brief moment of touching, I couldn't fight this weird pull toward her. I kept trying to shake off the unfamiliar feeling as we positioned and repositioned. The photographer clicked away the entire time.

"Let's get the leads together," the director announced. "I haven't seen one with you two anywhere near each other."

Mia sighed loudly.

She stood from the floor, turned around, and gave me a glare that could freeze hell over. I smirked.

"What's wrong, dear Mia? Don't want to be alone with me? Am I a distraction for you?"

I figured arrogance would be the way to go with a chick like her.

"Look, Mason, let's just get this over with and get out of each other's way."

She climbed onto the couch and sat on the back with her hands at her sides.

I took the opportunity and pushed her legs apart, making her eyes widen. Then, I plopped down between her legs in the center of the couch and pulled her arms around to rest on my shoulders. Wrapping one arm around her leg, my hand rested on her thigh.

The photographer was eating this shit up.

Inching my fingers slowly up her thigh, she growled before climbing off the couch.

"Let's get a few more poses," the photographer shouted.

I smirked when she growled again. _She was making this too easy._

Grabbing her arm, I pulled her down onto the couch to lie on top of my chest. She pushed up, one hand on the couch beside my head and the other on my chest.

"Look here." We both turned to the photographer who snapped away.

I put my right arm behind my head and grinned, sliding my left hand from her waist toward her ass. She sat up quickly, making sure to push extra hard into my chest and smacking my head with her hand. She stood smiling.

That bitch!

Jolting upright onto the couch with my back against the armrest and one leg stretched out, I pulled her back down and positioned her against my chest. She brought both of her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Leaning back, I rested my arms on the back of the couch and the armrest. After the final shot, she started to move. I bucked my hips to thrust directly into her ass. She jumped off the couch.

"You're such an asshole!" she yelled.

"You loved it," I leered and she glared. "Call me anytime you want to do that in private."

After blowing a kiss, I stood from the couch. Before I saw it coming, she grabbed a cushion from the couch and hit me. The whole room gasped. Then snorts turned into bursts of laughter, the closest laugh coming from Mia.

"Don't touch me again!"

She pointed at me, trying to keep a straight face. Then she stalked off. The angry twitch of her hips drew my attention to her dark, denim-clad ass.

Well, well, what do we have here? Underneath it all, Mia had a spectacular ass. Perhaps I'd been too hasty in my 'thin' assessment. In fact, feeling her against me wasn't too bad either. Maybe she would be good for something during the tour after all. If I can't get rid of her, at least I can fuck her regularly.

Looking up, Nicholas gave me the familiar look of disappointment mixed with anger. His long strides made it clear I was about to get a lecture from my father-slash-manager.

It wouldn't be the first time or the last.

**  
**

Chapter Three

Mia

Apologizing repeatedly for my outburst, I told Una it wouldn't happen again. She assured me it was not a big deal. We left the studio and I didn't have to look or talk to Christopher again until the start of the tour. Thank God, because he needs to realize that if he messes with me, with the band, or this tour, he'll have a run for his money.

Back at our house, we started to tie up some loose ends and get things situated for the time we would be away. Serena and Linda worked out the first three months of the tour schedule where Ryan was concerned, along with the plans for his upcoming birthday.

Leaving day quickly arrived and we were running late. It was a mild April Wednesday, but there was a lot to do before the concerts on Friday and Saturday nights. After saying our goodbyes, we climbed into the studio's car and settled in for the long trip to Seattle.

I put my ear buds in, turned my iPod on, closed my eyes, and leaned into the door trying to nap during the trip. I'm a travel sleeper. About two hours later, Serena nudged me.

"Pit stop," she announced before slipping out of the car.

Stepping out of the car, I stretched and located the nearest bathroom.

After using the filthy facilities, I browsed the little stop-n-shop store to see if they had hand sanitizer and Swedish Red Fish. After grabbing a travel-sized bottle of hand sanitizer and two large bags of the candy fish I loved so much, it was time to check out. While waiting for my change, I saw The Forgotten on the front of a magazine cover.

Ugh, Christopher 'asshole' Mason, front and center. To make it worse, he's wearing that stupid crooked grin. I wanted to smack it off his face or at least draw a black mustache on it.

Giggling, I slid a TV guide over the cover.

Climbing back into the car, I got comfortable again, but couldn't get past the thought of having to deal with Christopher on a daily basis for the next ten months. I could only hope he would take up ignoring us rather than acting like the asshole he's proving to be. The chances were extremely thin.

During the photo shoot, the mischievous look in his eyes had gotten me on edge. I knew he was up to something. However, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit to the peculiar lure of him. It was bizarre and stupid, like falling for that guy in high school who got high all the time.

Pulling out my notebook and placing it in my lap, I figured I'd preoccupy myself with song writing. Opening the bag of red fish, I inhaled deeply. _Heaven._

"You're disgusting," Kat said, crinkling her nose.

"What?"

I looked down at myself. Nothing looked out of place.

"You and those damn fish, that's what." She fake gagged.

"Shut up, you always steal them, so don't act like you hate them."

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"It's not that," she said, shaking her head. "If I ate crap the way you do, I would be four hundred pounds. Look at you. It's disgusting."

"She can't help it," Serena added. "She has our dad's metabolism," she sighed. "She can eat whatever she wants and she will barely gain a pound. It's all in the genes."

She laughed and playfully pinched my thigh.

"Ouch, hooker!" I yelped, smacking her leg in retaliation. "Hey, what about Laney? She is smaller than me."

"Yeah, but I don't eat like you, Mia," she said with a shrug.

"See what I mean?" Kat asked as she pushed her foot against my knee.

"Screw you all," I mumbled, shoving a handful of fish into my mouth and chomping on them. I smiled at them with red jelly pieces stuck to my teeth.

"Eww...really, Mia? Do you have to do that?" Laney cringed.

Behind her pink haired, rocker girl persona, Laney is a girly, eco-child. Kat has always been the aggressive badass no one wanted to mess with, and Serena the over bearing mother hen and know-it-all. This left me as the scrawny girl with tomboy tendencies.

Swallowing, I shook my head. "You act like I don't gain weight."

They all nodded.

"Mia, you're like a bottomless pit and, to top it off, it's all junk," Kat added, putting her head back and closing her eyes.

"It's really not healthy. I have some granola and carrot sticks in my bag. Want something healthy for a change?" Laney teased, knowing damn well her vegetarian lifestyle would never, and I mean never, be a choice I would make.

"Well, if you're all done critiquing my eating habits and my lack of body, I'm going to get back to writing our next big hit. You know, the ones that made you all famous, thank you very much."

With a sarcastic and exaggerated sigh, I was barely able to hold off my snort. Wrapping my legs up under me, I turned on the unwritten playlist; music we had recorded but hadn't put word to. I sometimes use this to write, even though we often make changes to the written lyrics.

Two notebook pages, a great deal of crossed out lyrics, and a couple of hours later, we finally pulled up to the Seattle hotel where we were staying. The hotel staff took our luggage and Una met us in the lobby.

"Hello, ladies, welcome. I hope your trip was comfortable," she said, smiling as if she was as excited as we were.

"It was good," Laney answered. The rest of us were looking around the fancy marble lobby, taking it all in. Suddenly, my worn blue jeans, Rolling Stones t-shirt, and boots didn't quite cut it.

"Okay, well let's get checked in. Then, you can freshen up. After that, we'll head out for dinner," Una said, escorting us to the front desk and giving the name of the reservations.

While the receptionist worked on finding the reservations and retrieving the key cards, Una turned back to us.

"So, what are you guys in the mood for? Italian, Steak, Mexican? Your choice."

"Is there a Sushi bar nearby?" Laney questioned before I could hop on the steak idea.

"There's a Japanese restaurant that serves Sushi. I'll get some reservations made," Una offered, handing us each a key. We followed the bellhops to the top floor. Una was across the hall from us and, with a smile, she entered her room.

"Meet me in about an hour, okay?"

We nodded and stepped into the room. Stopping short, we gasped.

"Holy Shit," Serena gasped. "Is this really our room?"

"Why are you whispering?" Geesh, now I was whispering, too.

She shrugged.

A moment of silence passed by and the door clicked shut behind us. Laney screamed excitedly, causing me to jump, and ran straight to a room and jumped on a bed. I looked to Serena and Kat before the three of us followed her onto the same bed, jumping up and down until each one of us collapsed, breathless.

"I can't believe this is happening," Kat said, breaking the silence. We lay in a heap of tangled arms and legs.

"I know. I keep waiting to wake up and be back in our house having to go to work serving another 'low-fat, soy milk, I-am-a-snob, cost-a-fortune cup of coffee'." Laney griped.

"Tell us how you really feel," Kat snorted.

"Well, I'm gonna jump in the shower. I feel like ass," Serena said, rolling off the bed and walking toward the bathroom.

"Thank God, I was just going to tell you that you smelled like ass," I teased.

She flipped me her middle finger and closed the bathroom door with a bang.

"I'm going to go claim another bathroom," I asserted, sniffing myself. "Ahh...nothing but red fish, yum!"

"That's so disgusting," Laney said, crinkling her nose at me and shoving me out of the room.

Once we cleaned up and changed, we headed down to meet with Una. She sat in one of the large chairs in a pair of jeans and a sheer white blouse. It was the first time I'd seen Una in casual clothes. I was impressed.

"Everyone ready?" She asked, standing when we approached.

"Well, look who's more than just a corporate hottie," Laney giggled, circling Una and checking her out.

Una blushed.

"Um...thank you, Laney. I think," she said, her face twisted in amusement and confusion.

"Oh, trust. It's a compliment," Laney said with a smile, taking her by the arm and walking with Una to the awaiting car. We shook our heads and followed.

Laney schooled all of us on proper Sushi eating technique and Saki drinking. She definitely earned smiles and laughs from the restaurant manager and staff. Leave it to Laney to be the center of attention. I still wasn't sure how she hadn't ended up as the lead singer. She had that natural ability to draw attention.

Arriving back at the hotel, Una requested we join her in the lounge so we could talk about tomorrow's schedule. We followed and sat around a large table. Ordering some overpriced drinks, Una made a phone call to someone named Xander before getting down to business.

"So, tomorrow we need to arrive at the Dome early for sound checks, lighting, and stage rehearsal. We'll need to leave here around nine in the morning."

A young, light-haired man appeared with bags and boxes, setting them next to Una.

"Thank you, Xander," Una said, gesturing for him to sit. "Ladies, this is my assistant, Xander. Xander, meet Hushed Mentality." He smiled and gave a nod.

"Xander and I will order a breakfast cart to be sent to your room around seven, so you will have time to eat and get ready."

Una looked up and we all nodded our acknowledgement.

"Alright, we'll be entering the Dome the same way you will be coming in Friday and Saturday night. That way you will be familiar with arrival and departure. On the night of the concerts, don't be surprised by the cameras, screaming fans, and bodyguards. It's going to happen, especially since you are traveling with The Forgotten." Una paused. I could almost see the light bulb appear above her head.

"Speaking of bodyguards, you'll be introduced to your security tomorrow as well. Phillip and Bishop come highly recommended. We have a very trusted company we hire through, but if you have any problems, at all, you just let me know and we can find a better fit for you. Okay?"

"It's going to get very real isn't it?" Serena asked the question all of us were thinking.

"Yes." Una smiled both reassuringly and nervously. "I'm afraid the bad comes with the good. We just have to do the best we can." She looked back down to her planner.

"We'll also have one of our public relations representatives coming tomorrow when we return from the Dome to start coaching you on how to behave and speak with the press."

We all scowled.

"It's standard procedure. Trust me, it helps more than you could imagine. Besides, your first press meeting is before the concert on Saturday."

"We're going to be talking to a room full of reporters?" Laney asked with a glint of excitement in her eyes.

Una nodded with a small, knowing smile.

"Now, Sunday we'll leave early in the morning traveling by tour bus, so make sure you have your luggage tagged and in the suite's living room for the crew to load. Xander will help with the tagging system, showing you what goes on the bus and what gets stored in the carriage," she paused, taking a deep breath. "Any questions?"

We shook our heads and continued to discuss the tour until it got late enough for Una to usher us up to our room.

*****

The phone was began to ring off the hook. Four, five rings later it stopped. _Thank God._ Two seconds later, the ringing sound permeated throughout the room again. _Ugh!_

"What?!" Serena had never been much of a morning person. "Uhhgghhhhh....Okay," she groaned.

The sound of my door opening and heavy, fast footsteps told me to brace myself. The massive shift of my mattress tossed me around.

"Time to get up."

Peeking out from my blanket, I saw the large grin of my older sister.

"Go to hell," I groaned, rolling over.

Serena started bouncing and singing. "If I've gotta get up, everybody's gotta get up!"

I groaned and pulled her leg out from under her.

She screamed, landing with a heavy bounce on my mattress.

"Hey!" she laughed, slapping me on the butt before rolling off my bed. "You still have to get up." Her singsong voice made me want to throw things at her.

Serena may still not be a morning person, but, after having Ryan, she's learned to take mornings in stride.

Getting up, I stumbled to the bathroom and the shower. Once I dressed, I went in search of caffeine. Laney, fully clothed and eating fruit, sat perched on a barstool at the breakfast bar. She looked up from her plate and took in my appearance.

"Well good morning, sunshine."

Laney was definitely a morning person.

"Kat and Serena are still getting ready."

I could only spare a nod. _Coffee. Must have coffee._

Una arrived with Xander at her side. We left for the Dome. Rehearsals and stage checks were the game plan.

Christopher

Still being on thin ice due to my behavior at the photo shoot, it was a good thing we hadn't come across Hushed Mentality. The way things were looking, we wouldn't see them until the night of the show. This put a cramp in my plan.

Nicholas arrived at our house after Elliott finally made it out of bed. Jackson and I were the only ones up and dressed because of my nightly episodes. Jimmy was getting ready and Elliott was dragging himself to the couch.

"Okay, we need to get to the Dome in an hour. You have stage check around twelve, as long as the girls are finished up," Nicholas said without looking up from his blackberry.

"So, Elliott, if you want to eat, you had better get your ass in gear. NOW," Nicholas urged.

Elliott's head shot up and he quickly got moving. His two hundred and forty pound, muscled body does not mess around when it comes to eating.

After eating what Nicholas had delivered, we left for the Dome. As soon as we entered, we could hear muffled stage checks. The closer we got, the louder and clearer it got.

"Stage check left." Pause "Stage check right." I knew the voice. Rob our sound system engineer. "Okay, Mia, can you take center stage? We are going to start with your first track. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, let's get the show on the road," she almost sang the response.

I continued to walk backstage, until I noticed the guys had all detoured toward the girls. I wasn't going to follow until I heard the music begin. _Were they really covering that song?_ Joining the rest of the band at the side of the stage, I took in the layout.

It was a familiar stage. We started our first tour here and have played here many times since. Hell, I screwed a multitude of groupies in the backstage area. The only thing unfamiliar was this girl band. My plan needed to come together soon.

Each of them was in place with their instruments. Red was on drums, Tiny with her bass, Blondie with her guitar, and Mia center stage. With her guitar slung low in front of her, Mia leaned into the microphone.

They were performing a cover of 'Love is a Battlefield' by Benatar and, well, it was shockingly good. They'd done a little change to the arrangement, but it would be barely noticeable to the average fan. This wasn't a radio edit. It was live and the girl could sing.

Shit! I hadn't expected that.

Watching her play her guitar and lean into the mic with her eyes closed, my eyes followed the small sway of her body. Suddenly, she stopped strumming and grabbed the mic with her right hand. Swinging her guitar around to her back, she belted out the chorus and pumped her fist in the air. This was not the cupcake band I expected. Still, it changed nothing.

The second song started and it was a little different from the cover, but was also better than expected. This was original material and it was, unfortunately, good as well. I'd hoped to work the not talented enough angle, but now I would have to make some adjustments.

"Alright, I think we're ready. You had discussed a change to the fifth track?" Rob announced.

Mia held her hand over her squinted eyes in an attempt to block out the blinding spotlight.

"Yeah, hold on one second, they're setting up for it now."

Behind her, the stage crew pushed the drums off stage and brought in a large piano. My interest immediately peaked and I subconsciously took a half step toward the stage. When I realized what I was doing, I pulled back, hoping no one noticed.

"Thanks, guys," she said with a smile to the stage crew.

"No problem, Mia. It's our pleasure," they responded with eagerness.

_She just bats her little eyes and they're putty in her hands._ I wanted to puke.

Mia sat at the piano bench and ran her fingers across the keys to warm up.

"Okay, I'm ready."

"Alright, go for it," Rob's voice carried down from the control booth.

With a flex of her fingers and a deep breath, Mia touched the keys. Blondie and Red came out and leaned against the piano. Red mouthed 'you can do this', encouraging her. She started to play a simple, sweet melody.

The moment her eyes closed, her discomfort and nervousness visibly melted from her face. Her voice was so powerful, and the accompaniment of just the piano was superb. I would've never guessed her voice could hit those notes or that she could be so intimate on stage. My feet twitched to step forward, but I planted them firmly. Shaking it all off, I stalked backstage.

Just as I was leaving the stage, clapping rose from onlookers and the sound booth at the finish of her song.

"Mia, that was fantastic," Rob said, his voice muffled from the thick concrete walls.

Reaching the dressing room, I threw myself into the couch. _Damn girl was screwing with my plans._

While I was lounging in the dressing room with my head back on the overstuffed arm and my eyes closed, the guys loudly burst into the room.

"She is so hot," Jackson said, plopping onto the end of the couch, almost sitting on my feet. Opening my eyes, I glared at him, and he winked. _Bastard_.

"Damn straight, brother!" Elliott fist pounded him.

I shook my head in irritation.

"What are you talking about? They're all hot." Jimmy's voice carried from the far side of the room near the dressing tables.

"True, true," Elliott responded.

Nicholas arrived shortly after the hormonal outbursts and began going over the details. He motioned for us to exit the room, holding the door open.

"Let's head out and start stage checks."

We pulled ourselves up and walked back toward the stage.

Stage checks went as smoothly as usual and I made some changes to the lighting. After we finished and were back at the hotel, which was closer to the Dome than our house, the guys started making plans to go out for the night. They tried to get me to join, as they always do, but I don't like pulling all-nighters so early in the tour. Instead, I attempted to use the television to distract me into staying awake for a while. Unfortunately, my sleepless nights caught up with me.

Waking up screaming and dripping with sweat wasn't something new. However, when the tremors began in my hands, I knew sleeping wasn't an option for the rest of the night. I looked at the clock - two in the morning. Quietly, I headed to the shower, hoping it would shock my body awake.

The hot water was comforting, soothing my body into wanting more sleep. Unfortunately, I knew what usually came when I slept more than a couple of hours. If there was one solid constant in my life, it was that the darkness would always be waiting to taunt me.

After my shower, I walked around the suite, noticing the guys weren't back yet. That worked for me. Grabbing my guitar and my notepad, I stepped out onto the balcony. The cold night would help keep me awake.

About twenty minutes later, the distinct sound of stumbling and laughing, drunken idiots made it clear they were back and trashed. I ignored them and continued working on a song that had been stuck in my head for a week now. I heard the door to the balcony slide open, but didn't look up from my guitar.

"You missed a kick ass time, brother," Jimmy said, his cigarette bouncing on his lips.

He swayed toward the railing. I prayed he didn't try to lean over it in his state of inebriation. He turned and put his back against it, instead. _Thank fuck._ I breathed in relief.

"I'm sure I did. I'm surprised you guys didn't bring back some entertainment," I chuckled, knowing the routine.

"Nah, not tonight," he said and shrugged. "We actually hung with the girls."

My head popped up from my notebook.

"The girls?"

Had they really skipped a night of recruitment to hang out with those girls? Had they completely lost their fucking minds?

"Yeah, man. You know, Serena, Kat, Lane, and Mia."

Jimmy took a long drag and blew it out. The smoke mixed into the cold air. "Oh, and their backup singers. At least I think they were backup singers."

A huge smile spread across his face and he looked at me weirdly.

"Christ, how long have you been out here? It's fucking freezing."

He shivered. I shrugged.

"It was hilarious, dude!" Elliott said.

I hadn't heard him step out onto the balcony.

"Mia was cracking me the fuck up. She's hilarious."

Jimmy chuckled with a nod before stubbing out his cigarette and heading inside.

"Screw this man," Elliott said, rubbing his hands together. "It's too cold out here." He followed Jimmy inside.

Scrapping my writing for the night, I headed back to my room and switched on the T.V. There was nothing on, so I reached for the bottle of pills next to my bed. With a sigh, I popped the white lid from the brown bottle. They tasted just as bitter as always. Lying back on my pillow and waiting for unconsciousness to take me, I prayed it would be a dreamless state.

It was a stupid prayer. God never answered it.

**  
**

Chapter Four

Christopher

Drowning in freezing cold water, I couldn't see anything but darkness. My name called as I fought to escape, but the darkness wouldn't release its unyielding grip.

Suddenly I woke up, jolted by another feeling of icy water. Shooting out of bed and onto my feet, I tried to gain my bearings.

"What the hell?" I shouted, scanning my drenched body.

"Christ, Christopher, we've been trying to wake you for twenty minutes. I thought we were gonna to have to call an ambulance," Jackson said, standing over me holding the room's ice bucket in his hand.

"And you thought this was the best way to wake me up? Fuck, Jackson!" I fumed, walking toward the bathroom for a towel. The rattle of the pill bottle sounded behind me.

"Chris, where in the hell did you get these? If Nicholas finds these again he's going to freak out and probably cancel the damn tour."

He appeared in the bathroom doorway. "Is that what you want, to ruin this for all of us? Or are you just hoping you succeed and kill yourself this time?"

"Fuck you. It's none of your business." The door creaked when I slammed it in his face.

"It is my business. You are my brother. Not just a band brother, but my _brother_. I hate what you do to yourself. You barely eat, socialize, and you don't sleep unless you drug yourself with these damn pills you get from God knows who and –"

I threw the door open hard enough to put a hole in the wall, the hinges protested in retaliation. Barreling toward him, I stripped the bottle from his hand.

"It's none of your fucking business!"

Our stare down seemed to go on for hours. It wasn't easy to go eye to eye with Jackson. At nearly seven feet tall, he had four inches on me.

Eventually, he dropped his eyes and shook his head. Defeated, he started toward the door, hesitating before he walked out. "What do you think it would do to Gwen, Christopher?" he asked before walking out.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I buried my head in my hands. Shame and anger overwhelmed me and quickly turned into rage. I threw the pill bottle across the room, watching as it slammed against the wall, scattering the white pills all over the floor. _Fuck it all._ I stood and went to get ready for the day still reeling with emotions. I wish I could shatter these emotions against the wall like the pills. Just remove them all and leave them scattered across the floor of a room I never have to return to.

As we arrived at the back entrance of the Dome, cameras were flashing and fans were screaming. We jumped out of the car, stood for a few photos, and signed a few autographs. It's all about the fans, after all. Just as we were getting ready to make our leave into the Dome, another car pulled up. Looks like the pussy brigade had arrived. They climbed out of the car and started walking in our direction.

I honed into Mia the moment she exited the car. The turmoil that had been swimming around inside of me began to resurface. The magnetism, anger, and irritation were all swirling inside of me like a tornado of sentiment. I could help the glare in my eyes or the scowl that transformed my face.

I heard a few fans shout for them and watched as they stopped to sign autographs and take pictures. My irritation grew. As irrational as it may be, their presence annoyed me. Red and Mia pulled a young girl under the ropes and around security. They both hugged her and then positioned her for a picture with the entire band. Blondie and Tiny kissed the cheeks of a guy waving to them. As I was about to turn my head, I caught a glimpse of a guy in a The Forgotten shirt.

He grabbed onto her arm and didn't look like he was going to let go any time soon. Mia shot the guy a smile, her eyes flashing with annoyance. An unusual urge to protect her from this grabby jerk surfaced above all other emotions. I froze in place, unable to look away but also not allowing myself to intervene. _Christ, I'm a fucking mess._

Just when I thought she was going to freak out on the guy, she turned and kissed his cheek. He let go of her, apparently getting what he wanted, and she walked away.

Is she fucking stupid? He could've been a fucking stalker or serial killer! He could have a shrine made out of her hair or some shit.

The girls were about to pass us by when I heard Elliott and Jackson yell out to them. I turned and locked eyes with Mia, giving her the full glare brought on by my fucked up emotions.

Mia

I wanted to rip his fucking head off. I have to deal with a touchy-feely freak fan only to walk straight into Christopher's death glare? What the fuck is his problem? Before that day at the record label, I had never even spoken to the guy and, even then, he acted as if I was a tick stuck to his ass. Now, we've spoken or been in the same vicinity a handful of times and he looks like he's ready to kill me. Something has to give with this douchebag. I can't stand him or the grudge he holds on his shoulder. _Grow the fuck up, loser._

"What the hell is Christopher's problem?" Serena asked me once seated in the dressing room.

"Hell if I know," I said, slightly more irritated than I intended. I sighed. "It's like he hates me, but I have no idea why. I have done nothing to him. Nothing."

"Well, what are we going to do about it?" Kat smirked.

"I've got Nair. We can always sneak into his room," Laney offered, smiling mischievously and wiggling her eyebrows.

"We could slip laxatives into his food," Serena co-conspired.

"No, no, no. I say we get him where it matters most," Kat said with an evil chuckle. "Let's put itching powder in his underwear."

"We are not going to do anything. I'll just continue to ignore him, he'll continue to give me dirty looks, and all will be right in this little, fucked-up world we're living in," I said, throwing my head back on the couch.

"You're no fun," Kat pouted.

"I know, but I refuse to let him know he affects me. Besides, I couldn't care less about him."

It wasn't the total truth. He got under my skin, easily. It's as if he was a professional asshole and his sole purpose in life is to make my life hell.

We were born to be onstage, meant to be on hundreds of stages just like it. When I walked up to my mic, I felt free, wild, out of control, yet still in control. It was the best adrenaline rush in the world. As the fans cheered us on, all of my anxiety faded and I flew to new heights. We've played shows before, but none nearly this big or with fans who loyally came to see The Forgotten. The energy in the room was contagious and I'm pretty sure all the girls felt the same way.

When The Forgotten took the stage, we grabbed a spot on the side of the stage to watch the show. All of the lights in the stadium dimmed dramatically low and the noise simmered. Within a few seconds, the lights flashed on brightly, revealing Christopher in full view. The crowd went ballistic; girls screamed his name and guys hollered out. It was so loud; the chants reverberated off the walls and directly into my eardrums. As soon as the first chord stroke, the noise drowned out. Chris began to sing and the entire crowd sang along with him, completely entranced in his words, his voice.

They opened their show with one of their more popular songs, "So Alone", and continued through their set without breaking. When they reached the song "Overrated", Christopher felt the need to look directly at me when he sang the line _"_ it's overrated _"._ I knew what he was saying, got the message loud and clear. _He was such an asshole._ I flipped him off and watched him smirk in satisfaction. Once his attention turned back to the crowd, I left and went backstage to our dressing room.

I fought so hard not to cry, but lost the battle. The frustration was too much. I needed a release from all this tension. Thankfully, I had calmed myself before Kat, Serena, and Laney joined me in the dressing room.

*****

The following morning, we received a wakeup call at the ass crack of dawn. Almost immediately sent into hair and makeup and beautified to their expectations, we were ushered to a large conference room in the hotel. There were small, elevated stages with tables and chairs set up with a crowd of reporters congregating as close as possible. We all took a deep breath before walking out to take our seats for the press meeting. The press began throwing out questions immediately.

"Mia, is it true you write all of Hushed Mentality's songs?" "Kat, how many body piercings do you have?" "Is it true about the animosity between The Forgotten and Hush?" "Serena, what is it like to leave your son at home while you'll be traveling?"

The questions were unending and it was all a little overwhelming. Una jumped in a few times when the press got a little too personal or she felt the need to intervene. We all continued to force smiles through the chaos and answer as many questions as possible. That is, until a familiar gossip blogger threw out the next question.

"How do you feel about Christopher Mason's recent response to the question, 'how is it traveling with an all-woman band that shows as much promise as The Forgotten?'"

He raised his eyebrows, a sly smile playing on his lips.

"I'm sorry, we aren't aware of any comments made," Una jumped in, trying to redirect the press. Mr. Gossip Rag wasn't having it.

"Oh, well, allow me. His comment was, and I quote, "You know girls. Their cycles all synchronize. We'll have to deal with the largest menstrual cycle imaginable", he paused before continuing, "As for this promise they seem to be getting credit for, well, we'll have to wait and see if they can take us out of the number one song position and keep it for as long as we have, won't we?", end quote."

The entire room fell silent, every reporter sitting on the edge of their seat salivating for our reaction. Inside I was boiling mad, irate, freaking pissed. _Whom the fuck does this guy think he is? Two can play this game._ Kat let out a low growl next to me.

"I'm sorry, but –"

"Well, what can we say? We are honored," I said, smiling and winking at the gossip reporter.

"Honored?" Mister Gossip Blogger choked out in confusion. _Looking for a juicier story, aye?_

"Of course we are," I said, shrugging. I could feel the eyes of the band on me. "What other woman out there can say that _the_ Christopher Mason is monitoring her menstrual cycle for her?"

The reporters burst into laughter and Mister Gossip Rag gave me a nod of approval.

"Hopefully, he will keep us stocked in tampons when the time comes. Give us a heads up that Aunt Flow is coming to visit," Kat quickly added, earning another round of laughter.

"As for getting to the number one spot and keeping it," I continued with a large smile. "We are always up for a challenge and, again, honored that he feels we are worthy competition."

Una put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed before she began taking back control. This time, she was able to get everyone back on track and eating from the palm of her hand.

"That was so great," Serena said, hugging me once we were free of the pressroom.

"I have no idea what you are referring to," I laughed.

"Shit, Mia, I couldn't be prouder," Kat said, catching up to both of us and wrapping her left arm over my shoulders.

"Hey, the tampon comment deserves some serious cred," Laney added.

We all laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. _Menstrual synchronizing? That the best you have, hot shot?_

"You think you're funny?"

We fell into silence and turned. Chris was standing to the left of us, his eyes burning with anger. It took me a moment, but I finally found the ability to pull my eyes away from his.

"Don't you have tampons to buy? I'm feeling a little bloated. Wait, you should know that already," Kat snapped at him.

Our group walked away in hysterics. When Una regrouped with us, I gave Chris one last look. He scowled. I gave him a fake smile and a small, condescending wave.

His face darkened.

I effectively avoided Christopher as much as possible for the remaining time in Seattle, and he did the same. Sunday morning arrived and we headed to the bus taking us to Whidbey Island. We were staying until Wednesday. Then, we would leave for Los Angeles. Coffee and messenger bag in hand, I headed toward our bus.

"Mia, do you wanna hang out on the guys' tour bus for the trip to Whidbey?" Laney asked me, smiling.

"Umm...thanks, but no thanks. I think I will stay as far away from Christopher as possible. Good luck with the asshole though," I chuckled and stepped on the bus.

"Alright, but I think you would –"

All sound ceased to exist when I saw Christopher in the background. He had been within hearing distance of my comment.

_Shit_.

His face clearly revealed the answer to the one question that instantly went through my head. _Yes, he heard you, Mia._ His angry eyes locked onto mine.

"Mia?" Laney asked, bringing me out of my trance.

"Huh?" I said, shaking my head.

"Are you sure you will be okay by yourself? We are going to go on their bus." Laney stood with her head tilted.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I assured, forcing a smile. "You know me. I'll just sleep the whole way."

"Are you okay?" she asked, eyeing me closely.

"Yep, I'm fine. Go have fun. Later, chick!" I urged, waving her off and climbing onto the bus. I made myself comfortable on a large couch that had a table in front of it.

I must have dozed off during the trip because Serena was currently shaking me awake.

"What?" I asked, half asleep and half pissed for being woke up.

"Pit stop," was all she said before walking off the bus.

I stretched and groaned before walking off the bus. Coming off the last step, I stumbled and readied myself for the inevitable face-plant. Two arms wrapped around me, saving me from my weary demise. I looked up.

"Thanks, Rob," I said, smiling at our sound system engineer.

"No problem," he replied, smiling warmly and walking into the small gas station store.

Once in the store, I went for my standard purchases. I grabbed my large bag of red fish and went for my large bottle of water.

"You do realize they stock the bus don't you?"

I cringed and turned. It was Christopher. Ugh.

"Yeah, but this is sort of like a tradition for me. Besides, I doubt they have these stored on the bus," I said, lifting the bag of red fish.

"Uh-huh..."

He scowled at me. I grabbed my Smart Water and attempted to walk around him, hoping that he was finished talking to me. No such luck.

"So, that was some press conference you had," he stated in a cocky and annoying tone.

"Yeah, I think we handled it pretty well. Thanks for caring," I drawled, making my sarcasm very clear.

I made a final attempt to get the hell out of this little situation with him.

"I would love to hear exactly what makes me an asshole. In your opinion, of course."

I crinkled up my face, harshly huffed, and turned around.

"Ya know, this conversation has been amazing," I stated, my sarcasm thick, "I'm quite sure you know what makes you an asshole and you enjoy every minute of it. If you don't mind, I have red fish to eat and a nap that is more appealing," I spit out before I could filter my thoughts. I turned back around and walked away, not missing how his sharp, blue eyes felt like daggers in my back.

Back on the bus, I sat and waited for departure. I put my ear buds in and started listening to some songs I'd been working on. Closing my eyes, I sang aloud, trying to work through some lyrics.

The bus shifted and I opened my eyes. Kat walked on with Serena close behind. They found seats around me and I pulled my ear buds out.

"What's up?"

"Let's just say, Christopher isn't exactly in the best of moods. We decided to finish the trip over here," Kat replied, rolling her eyes.

"That guy is a real piece of work," Serena said, pulling my notebook toward her to read what I'd been writing down. "These are good, Mia. What song are you putting them with?"

I handed her my ear buds.

"That is going to be killer," she said with a smile.

"I want to hear," Laney whined and took the ear buds and notebook from Serena.

The bus shifted again as Jimmy and Elliott climbed on.

"Do you mind?" they asked.

"Of course not," Kat said, motioning for them to take a seat.

The rest of the trip was relaxing and the conversation was good. Everyone avoided the topic of Christopher, hence the relaxing and good. I did, however, notice Kat getting close to Jimmy and putting on the full flirt factor.
Chapter Five

Christopher

I saw her in his arms as he caught her from falling off the bus. My stomach turned at her damsel in distress act. _Learn to walk._ Walking the aisles of the store, I noticed Mia once more. She was strolling from the candy section and opening a cooler filled with water bottles.

"You do realize they stock the bus, don't you?" I asked, unable to control the urge to go to her. It pissed me off that I couldn't ignore her presence.

"Yeah, but this is sort of like a tradition for me. Besides, I doubt they have these stored on the bus," she said, lifting a bag of red fish.

I didn't realize adults ate that crap.

"Uh-huh..."

I scowled in confusion. She attempted to walk away from me. _Not so fast, little girl._

"So, that was some press meeting you had," I baited her. I'd heard her response to my comment. I was not impressed.

"Yeah, I think we handled it pretty well. Thanks for caring," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She tried to escape me quickly, but I couldn't resist egging her on more.

"I would love to hear exactly what makes me an asshole. In your opinion, of course."

I was waiting for her to stutter or quickly run from me, but she didn't. She turned around and just spat out her response.

"Ya know, this conversation has been amazing," she stated, her tone dripping in sarcasm. "I'm quite sure you know what makes you an asshole and you enjoy every minute of it. If you don't mind, I have red fish to eat and a nap that is more appealing."

I stood in anger and shock as I watched her walk out of the store, her hips swaying seductively back and forth. _What the fuck? Seductively? Where did that come from?_ Shaking my thoughts away, I finally headed back to the bus seething with anger. At myself and at her.

Taking a last moment detour, I headed toward the girls' bus. I could hear her singing as I approached the open door. There was no music, just her voice. I walked away and got onto my bus instead. _Why the hell does she affect me? Better yet, why do I allow it?_

"Hey, did you grab me that –" Jimmy began.

"Go get your own shit! I'm not your errand boy," I spat.

The confirmation of Mia's talent was making me angrier than before. I stormed to the back of the bus and threw myself on my large bed. I laid there trying to figure out how to change my plan around and make it work. I need her gone.

By the time we'd gotten to a ridiculously small town, I had my new plan figured out. I just had to set it in motion. It was going to take a little more effort than my original plan, but it would definitely be effective as long as everything went the way it was supposed to.

By the time I came out of my room, the busses were completely empty. Everyone was already walking toward the large, white house we parked in front of. As I walked down the stairs of the bus to exit, I heard yelling. A child was running from the front door, screaming, "Mommy! I miss you!"

The little brown-haired boy with hazel eyes, leaped into Red's arms, and wrapped her in a tight bear hug.

"Oh, baby, I missed you. I love you so much!" she exclaimed while squeezing his little body.

I walked up next to Elliott.

"She has a kid?"

"Yeah, he is going to be four, I think," Elliott replied.

"An Mia," the boy cried and reached out for her. She wrapped him around to her back, and he latched on.

"Hold on tight, monkey boy," she said to him and offered a red fish over her shoulder.

Everyone started into the large house where a black woman with long braids stood on the porch. For a moment, I wondered who she was.

"Ganma, mommy home!" the little boy yelled excitedly to the woman.

"I see, Ry," she said, smiling at him.

"Hey, Linda," Mia said as she and Red kissed the woman's cheek. Blondie and Tiny hugged Linda and introduced us. We said hello and followed them into the house.

I looked around at the simply decorated rooms with colorful toys littering the area. I followed the group into the large living room and took a seat on the couch in between Elliott and Jackson.

"Eww tant catch me!" the boy yelled as he came running in.

Mia came stomping in after him. Her face was lit up with the biggest smile I'd ever seen.

"Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum! I smell a Ryan and Ryan is yum!" she laughed, tackling and tickling him. He started tickling her back, laughing so hard he got hiccups.

It reminded me of when my mother would chase me around our backyard. I shook the unwelcome memory out of my head and went outside for some air. Sitting on the front porch steps, I heard someone approaching.

"You okay?"

I turned to see the woman they had called Linda.

"Yeah, long trip," I said, forcing a small smile before turning back around. "Just needed some air."

"You're going to freeze out here," she warned.

"I'll be fine," I said, trying not to sound irritated. I doubt I succeeded.

"Okay. Well you just let me or the girls know if you need anything," she said before leaving.

Oh, my needs were aplenty. I need your girls to be off my tour. Can you make that happen, Linda? I need to sleep without episodes. Think you can manage that while you're at it?

I was about to go back to the bus when I heard loud music inside. I walked back in to see Mia, Elliott, and Ryan playing Rock Band. The three of them were playing their appointed instruments while singing "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet. I had to smile. The little boy knew every word.

"Amelia Marie Ryder!" Red yelled from the stairs.

I watched Mia cringe and try to hide behind a giggling Ryan.

"That was supposed to be for his birthday tomorrow! I told you to wait!" Red said, standing in true mother form with her hands on her hips. "Ryan, tell Aunt Mia she is bad and to stop hiding from Mommy."

I watched Mia's lips move silently before the boy spoke. "I don see An Mia, Mommy. Where she?" he asked, his smile turning into a giggle.

"Mia, do not have him lie for you!" Red said, trying to hide a smile that was working its way over her lips.

The girls stayed at their house while we stayed at a local hotel. We'd be in this rinky-dink town long enough for them to visit their family and for Ryan's birthday. Elliott, Una, and Nicholas went crazy buying gifts for a kid they'd just met.

Elliott's behavior was the strangest of all. He wasn't this guy. He was a strip-club-going, body-shot-drinking womanizer. However, it seemed that aliens had replaced him with this father-like figure. He interacted with Serena and her son like it was his goal to be a part of their family. This new Elliott completely confused me.

Today the girls were playing at their old high school. We were required to tag along for "good press". _Yeah, whatever._ We arrived at a very small school that looked nothing like the high school I went to. It was a simple, large building rather than a campus style layout.

As the girls set up and rehearsed, I decided to set my plan into motion. We took the Principle up on his offer for a tour, and when we reached the music room, I instantly knew how I was going to set it in motion. Sitting down to the piano, I started playing. Nicholas and Jackson walked over slowly. I knew sitting at a piano again would strike their curiosity.

"Christopher...um...what's that you're playing? I don't think I've heard it before," Nicholas said hesitantly, probably waiting for me to yell at him.

"You wouldn't have heard it. It's something I'm working on," I replied, shrugging. "But it's missing something, and I haven't been able to figure it out until just now."

"What?" Jackson inquired.

From the corner of my eye, I saw his eyes shift to Nicholas who was still staring at me as if I was a bomb about to go off.

"Collaboration."

"Collaboration?" Nicholas asked, feeding right from my hand.

"Yes, I think it should be a duet. I'm having a hard time figuring out the lyrics from solely my perspective." I shrugged and stood up. "I'll figure it out eventually."

I left the room smiling to myself. Let the games begin.

*****

Once the high school concert was out of the way, it was time to return to the hotel and get ready to leave the next morning. Our next stop was Los Angeles.

We left early Wednesday morning for L.A. and retired to our respective rooms upon arrival.

On Thursday, the guys decided to go to a club. Normally I wouldn't go with, it just wasn't my thing, but Elliott finally convinced me to try going out with them. He brought up a very valid point that if I hated it, I could always leave.

The random multicolored lights circled around me as I entered the club. It was enough to make one develop epilepsy. The club owner immediately ushered us to the private lounge, which didn't feel very private. The room was full of people. I glanced around and honed in on Red and Tiny dancing together. _Of course, they would be here._ I was in the deepest realms of hell. Not only do I have to deal with this being a fucking club, I get the titty committee to go with it. _Do moms dance like that? Christ!_

I walked over to the bar and got water. Jackson was quickly at my side.

"It's only water, Jackson. Do you want to smell it before I drink it?" I asked, glaring as I held the glass over to him.

"Kill me for caring," he said as he walked away.

I sighed and took a big drink. _Well, where are the other two? If Red and Tiny are here, Mia and Blondie are in tow._ I looked to my left and found them; Blondie and Mia were creating a Jim sandwich as they grinded on him. _Jesus. Classy much?_ This is just disgusting.

The song changed, replaced by some heavy hip-hop song about hips swinging. Mia and a couple of girls I had seen backstage paired off, dancing in synchronization. _I had to give them credit. If strippers were what they were going for, they nailed it._ I half smiled into my glass of water.

"She's a trained dancer, you know?"

I looked down at my side. Tiny had appeared next to me, staring at Mia and her gal-pal grind buddy.

"Oh-Kay," I drawled, rolling my eyes and taking another drink of water.

"I mean it. She is a trained classical dancer, like ballet. You should really see her. She's amazing. It's crazy, though, how much she likes this and is good at –"

"Is there a particular reason you're telling me this?" I asked, glaring down on her.

"Just making conversation," she said, shrugging before walking away, a smirk on her face.

Crazy little freak.

I eventually made it to one of the tables in the room. Jimmy arrived from the dance floor and sat with me. Just as I was about to say something to him, two familiar groupies walked up in front of me.

"Come dance with us, Chris," groupie one whined and pulled on my hand.

"Sorry, not my thing," I said, motioning around the club with a look of disgust on my face.

"Then we'll just have to dance for you," groupie number two smiled seductively and pulled the other girl against her body.

They slithered and ground against each other for the sole purpose of my entertainment. I felt Jimmy nudge my arm when the two kissed each other. I glanced at him. He mouthed the word "nice".

I raised my bottle of water to him and smiled large. _That's right, bitches. Thy name is Christopher Mason._

Mia

After everything going on with Christopher, being home was revitalizing. Seeing Ryan was the definite highlight. He is my angel, my solace and grounding. Spending even an hour with him can turn my mood around. What started out as a shit day, ended as the best thus far into the tour.

Playing at our high school was nostalgic and rewarding. My old chorus teacher had puffed her chest and held her head high, boasting to Una over how she had molded my voice.

Stepping onto the large, black canvas tarp, the smell of the gymnasium was so familiar. I took in a deep breath and exhaled, cleansing my muddled thoughts and relaxing my limbs. I glanced around to Kat, Serena, and Lane, who all looked as if they were feeling the same way. Ec-freaking-static.

The moment introductions were over, Serena tapped her sticks three times and we dove into the music. Adrenalin coursed through my veins. A rush of elation tingled inside my chest. When I opened my mouth and began to sing, the crowd sung with us. They knew us. They knew the song. My elation was through the roof. Taking my hands away from my guitar, I waved for the crowd to sing louder.

Once we finished our set, we decided to stick around for a little interaction. We took pictures and spoke with the students. I was astounded at how excited they were for us to be playing for them, of how many of them knew our songs. _I really hope this never gets old._ It made all of my anxiety over Christopher disappear as I remembered why we were here. We are a great band, our music is amazing and we have the best freaking fans in the world. We deserve this. _Fuck Christopher and his bullshit._

The next morning, we were off to L.A. and the official start of our tour. To celebrate this monumental moment, we all decided to go out and dance the night away. Once we arrived at the club, we were shown to a private room. Everyone put in their drink orders, deciding alcohol was the best way to celebrate this occasion. I decided on water. I was here to dance.

Even though making music was my life, I loved hip-hop and dance music: _Lady Gaga_ , _Pussycat Dolls_ , _Savage_ , _Brokencycle_ , the list goes on. I always felt so much better after a night of dancing. Dancing has always been a huge stress reliever for me. Better than sex. I'm not sure if it was because of the way my muscles burned in excitement or due to my dance training, but I loved the way I could freely move, get lost in the rhythm of the music, and leave my worries behind.

The club was full of energy and the pulse of the music had me grabbing Kat's arm and heading to the dance floor. I absorbed the low thrum of the bass line, and began to move, allowing the rhythm to take me away. A familiar song started and Jimmy joined us. Once the song ended, two of the backup singers on the tour grabbed my arm and pulled me over to dance with them. We started swinging our hips with the fast tempo of the song, dropped to the floor and brought it back up. We were all laughing and having a great time, enjoying the atmosphere.

After the night was over, we hurried past the photographers and climbed into an awaiting car. Christopher was lounging in the far corner. I hadn't realized he had joined them tonight. I did my best to ignore him, as usual, and I thought he would do the same. Upon our return to the hotel, I found out I was wrong. I could feel him closer than normal, his eyes burning a hole into the back of my head. It was a little more than unnerving.

"I'll be up in a minute. I want to go over to the little store they have real quickly," I whispered, leaning over to Kat's ear. She nodded.

I didn't give a shit about the little, all-night, lobby store. I just wanted to get away from Christopher and his weird behavior.

I let everyone pass me, watching to make sure he went by. Once he passed me, I felt relieved and walked toward the little store, hanging around long enough for everyone to get to their rooms. After about ten minutes, I figured I'd killed enough time and finally headed to my room.

The elevator was quiet and only stopped at one other floor, though no one was waiting. I stepped off the elevator and turned in the direction of my room, halting in my tracks. _Damn it!_

I sighed and continued walking, but Christopher pushed away from the wall and walked in front of me.

"Excuse me," I growled and tried to walk around him. He moved to the side, cutting off my escape.

"Jesus Christ, Christopher. What?" I spat out and stood with my arms across my chest.

He started walking closer toward me. With each step he made forward, I took one back. I felt my back hit a wall and he pressed closer. For a moment, he scared me, but then a weird ease came over me when he was close enough for me to feel the heat of his body. I wanted to slap him and then I wanted to slap myself for reacting this way.

"I think that I want –"

Before he could finish, I tried to slip out from the side. He placed his hands on either side of me, preventing my retreat. I scowled at him and he smirked. _The motherfucker smirked._ I wanted to slap the stupid smirk off his face. I also wanted to swipe my tongue over that cocky smirk. The heat from his slim, yet firm, body pressing against mine was causing sparks to light across my nerve endings. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ I gave him a hateful look while my eyes scanned over his features, taking him in fully for what felt like the first time. _God, he's so fucking pretty._ His intense blue eyes were boring into mine, his high cheekbones and sharp jaw so pristine it was as if he were a painting; the perfect depiction of bad boy wrapped up within a man. The slight stubble across his jaw gave him a harder look that was so appealing... I shook away my thoughts. This is ridiculous. My annoyance grew toward him and myself for becoming putty in his hands.

"Move, Christopher!" I yelled.

He shook his head with his smirk still firmly in place.

"As I was saying, I think I want you..."

My mouth dropped open in utter shock while my body responded to the words.

"...your voice," he finished, laughing at my reaction.

"Excuse me?"

His laugh was like a bucket of ice tossed on my mounting libido. I shoved at his chest, his extremely hard chest, forcing him backward. Damn, I bet defined muscles of perfection lay under his thin, cotton shirt.

"You heard me," he said before turning to walk toward his room.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had had enough of his arrogance and pissy attitude.

"I can't stand you!" I shouted to his retreating figure. "I don't know what your damn problem is but –"

He snapped his head around, drilling his dark eyes into me. I could see the anger writhing off him. Before I knew it, he stood before me again, invading my personal space. Breathing heavily, his eyes dark as midnight, he moved his hand down my side, caressing the side of my breast down to my hip where he gripped lightly. He moved his face closer to mine before dipping down to my jawline, placing a chaste kiss. I shivered. Apparently, my body and brain were not functioning in unison.

"You don't know one fucking thing about me, baby," he growled against my neck, his hot breath causing goose bumps to break out across my skin. Abruptly, he pushed away and hightailed it back to his room.

My body went cold and I fucking seethed. Walking past his door, I kicked it hard along the way to my room. I slammed my door behind me.
Chapter Six

Mia

The Los Angeles shows were over before we knew it, but it had been a fantastic three nights. The crowd was massive, the audience energetic and welcoming, even those who came for The Forgotten. I drew some satisfaction from the fact that Chris had to be in hell.

Our tour dates would keep us going for months straight. Upon leaving Los Angeles, we would drive straight to Phoenix. Then head to Vegas, Salt Lake City, Denver, and El Paso without breaks. The drive was at least four hours between each and we would be going from bus to concert, concert to bus. On the rare occasion where we had multiple shows in the same arena, we would stay at a hotel and depart after the last show.

We were just about finished tagging our luggage when there was a knock at the door. Kat answered, showing Una and Nicholas into the room. We stood in a slightly awkward silence, waiting for someone to speak.

Both Una and Nicholas turned toward me, Una's forehead creased with nerves and Nicholas holding a look of concern on his face. I began fidgeting, feeling slightly insecure under their unsure looks.

"Um...Mia, can we please talk with you for a moment?" Una asked, her voice wavering for a moment.

"Is there something I should be worried about? You both look like you have bad news," I said, forcing a laugh to ease my own growing nervousness.

"Could you please join us for a moment?" Una requested once more, motioning for me to follow them into a bedroom.

"Uh...sure," I said, turning to shrug at the others.

"So, what's up?" I asked as I entered the room, furrowing my brow.

"Well, we're bringing in a third tour bus for the next week or two, if necessary."

I was unsure what the third bus had to do with me, but Una continued for Nicholas.

"Mia, we are bringing in the other bus for The Forgotten. Well, with exception to Christopher."

Oh, of course he would have to have his own bus. That asshole was more of a brat than I had originally thought. Apparently, his ego was too much for the saner members of the band to deal with.

"Okay, what does this have to do with me? I mean –"

"Christopher has a song he's started working on and wants to collaborate with you on it."

My eyes grew about three times their size. _What was he up to?_ I started shaking my head, negating the question I knew was coming. I didn't like where this was heading, not one bit.

"No, no, no....wait –"

"Mia, I...we cannot make you do anything," Una said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "However, as a manager, the song would be great exposure for Hushed Mentality. It could also be a great way to launch your appeal with The Forgotten fans."

This woman was out of her damned mind. She knew he was a jerk and she wanted me to agree to stay with him, alone, on a bus, just he and I. Uh-uh, no way in hell. I was still trying to figure out my reaction toward him and keep my distance while doing so. The look I gave was exactly what she deserved for suggesting such an insane thing.

"I, of all people, know what my son is capable of. I'm pretty sure he's already shown you how he can be. And, for that, I apologize. However, I'm also sure you know, as well as I do, what he'll be like if this does not play out as he requests."

"So, I have to suck this up because he'll throw a damn tantrum and no one wants to deal with him? No, no way," I refused, throwing my hands in the air. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, Mia, that's not what I'm saying. If you decline, then we'll deal with him. I'm just being completely honest," Nicholas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Honestly, if I were you...I wouldn't do it."

Una's head shot to look at Nicholas in shock.

"Nicholas," she hissed.

"What? I'm being honest with the girl. She deserves it," he said looking back at me.

"It's true, Hushed Mentality would get amazing coverage from the song, as well as being able to possibly debut the song on stage. It would be a career boost." He took another long breath. "Consider it and let us know before we finish loading the buses, please?"

He looked directly into my eyes, pleading.

My immediate reaction was to scream 'ah-nah, hell-nah', but an odd calmness came over me. I could only agree to think about it. Una and Nicholas walked out of the room and the girls rushed in. They immediately bombarded me with curious looks and questions.

"What are you going to do?" Laney questioned. "You aren't really going to do this, are you?" she asked, her eyes seeking mine for confirmation.

I looked up and they were looking at me inquisitively. Obviously, they'd been eavesdropping on the whole conversation. Who could blame them? I would've done the same.

"Do you guys want me to do it?"

Looking toward the floor, my stomach twisted nervously awaiting their responses. Could I do this? Could I be on a bus alone with Christopher for the purpose of a song? Yes, he's an asshole. Yes, he's treated me like shit. However, I can't help the way my body reacts to him, the way my pulse revs at the site of him. _Jesus, Mia, he wants you to make a song with him, not babies. Although, making babies..._ I shook away my thoughts once more, looking at each of my bandmates.

"Oh, girl, we could never ask you to do this, or make this decision for you," Serena said, putting her arm around me.

"I need you guys, though," I said, exhaling after drawing a deep breath. "Time for a vote."

"We can't just vote on –" Kat started.

"This could affect the entire band, which makes it a vote-worthy subject."

I looked around, and they nodded. We stuck our fists out in front of us and began our vote. I closed my eyes.

"One, Two, Three...Vote!"

Opening my eyes, I look at the thumbs around me. Laney and my thumbs were down, Kat and Serena's were up.

"Shit. Tie breaker," Laney groaned.

Everyone was wearing their nerves on their face.

"Pick your champions," Kat said, rubbing her hands together.

"Serena, let's do this."

"Where?" Laney asked, scrunching her nose. This wasn't one of her favorite moments.

"Hallway?" I suggested.

"No way," Kat said, shaking her head, an evil grin spread across her red lips. "The lobby."

"So be it." We made our way into the lobby. Laney pinched her nose while Kat sat smiling in a lobby chair, looking completely at ease yet excited for the shenanigans about to ensue. Serena and I stood in front each other, determination on both our faces.

"Penis," I announced one octave higher than my normal voice.

"Vagina!" Serena announced a bit higher.

Both of us glanced around the fancy lobby as distinguished men in suits and well-dressed women strolled around us. No one was looking at us yet, but it wouldn't take long. The purpose of the game, or tiebreaker, was to get louder and louder until one of the two people involved was too embarrassed to continue.

Serena and I continued on, rattling off the respective reproductive organs in increasingly higher decibels. A woman entered the lobby with about five children just as Serena practically yelled, "Vagina!" The mother pulled her children closer and covered the ears of the youngest. The moment she looked back to the clerk behind the desk, I knew we were about to be asked to leave. With one last look to the wide-eyed children, the "puh" sitting on my lips, I grabbed Serena's hand and pulled her to the elevators.

"Really?" Kat griped as she followed.

Laney caught up quickly, looking relieved it was over.

Instead of complaining about my loss, I dialed Una on the way back to the room.

"Okay, Una, let's do this," I said, looking up as I spoke. I could visibly see the guilt forming in their expressions. I forced a smile, knowing they were worried on my behalf. They had no idea that they were worrying for the wrong reasons.

Christopher

I knew Nicholas would give me a hard time about my suggestion of moving Mia onto a bus with me. However, after a few hours of convincing him that my reasons were purely professional, he finally agreed to talk with Una. Counting on Una to fall into manger mode and realize the exposure her band would get, I was sure she would at least propose it to them. All I cared about was having Mia on a tour bus alone, with the ability to make her so miserable she would walk away from the tour, unable to handle it any longer.

When the road crew started to load up the bus with her luggage, I sat back on the couch, lounging in victory. This was going to be too easy.

Mia was hesitant to step onto the bus. Seemingly losing, or winning, the battle within herself, she stepped onto the bus, rolling her eyes at the sight of me. I shot her a cocky, victorious grin. _That's right, baby. I do get what I want._ She walked past me and threw her things on one of the bunks. She looked around for a moment, put in her ear buds and laid on the bunk, positioning herself to face away from me.

This wasn't going to work for me. I got up, went back to her bunk, and stood over her, waiting until she acknowledged my presence. When she finally rolled over, she shot me a look of irritation.

"What do you want, Mason?" she asked, obviously really pissed.

I sneered. _Who the fuck did the broad think she was? I'm offering to help her career, well, not really, but she doesn't know that, and she's talking shit? I don't think so._

"I'm here, you've got me. When you want to work on this song, let me know," she said and rolled back over.

I pulled the ear buds out of her ears. _No, sweet tits, you are not in charge here._ She sat up quickly and climbed to her feet, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. The little kitty wanted to play.

"I was simply going to say that you can have the large bed in the back of the bus," I said, smiling down at her. She saw right through me.

Something over my shoulder caught her eye before she looked back at me with her dark eyes and answered me.

"No, thank you. I'll stay right here," she refused, her jaw tense and smile forced.

"Is everything okay?"

Turning at Nicholas' question, I nodded with a shrug.

"Why wouldn't it be? I was simply offering Mia the large bed in the back of the bus."

I walked back to the couch and sat down. Nicholas raised an eyebrow in partial suspicion and surprise. He looked to Mia for confirmation.

"Its fine," she sighed. "Thank you, Nicholas."

I rolled my eyes. This damsel in distress act was so fucking lame. _What the fuck did everyone think I was going to do to this chick? Rape her?_ He finally left and the bus started up. I turned back as Mia was stalking toward me.

"Look here, Mason, I don't care if everyone else walks on egg shells for you. Plain and simple, you stay out of my way; I'll stay out of yours. When this 'song' is finished, I'm out of here."

She turned on her heels and went back to the bunk. I let her have this moment. I turned on the TV, increasing the volume. She shifted around and I knew it was getting to her. I looked at the clock. Ten o'clock. Perfect.

"Can you please turn that down?" she groaned. I ignored her. "Mason! Turn it down for God's sake."

She pressed her pillow over her head and I stifled my laughter. Turning off the TV, I watched her body relax. I plugged in my iPod and turned it on, again at top volume. I sat back and waited for the yelling.

"What the hell, Christopher? Don't you sleep?" she demanded, laying face up with her hands over her eyes.

"Not as much as you seem to," I chided.

She sat up in a huff.

"Is this some sick way of saying you wanted to work on the damn song?"

I half grinned. She got up and walked toward the couch. Grabbing my ankles, she threw my legs off the couch and sat down.

"Okay. Let's start then," she huffed, sitting back against the couch.

I threw my notebook at her. She picked it up from her lap and looked over it.

"Do you have music to this? I mean, what do you want me to do?"

I shook my head. I thought she would be better than this.

"Don't shake your head at me," she threatened, her eyes were challenging me to deny it. "I know you're up to something. I just haven't figured out what it is yet."

I grabbed my guitar and played the song a couple of times.

"Sing."

I began playing again. She sang the whole song and then took the pen from the table in front of us and started making notes. Since I knew Nicholas and Una would want to see progress, the song was going to have to be finished. We worked on the song for about an hour and argued for another hour before the bus stopped at a hotel in Phoenix.

"Thank God!" Mia said, throwing the notebook at me and going to grab her things. She walked past me and off the bus without saying another word.

Her ability to disregard me really ate away at me. I shook it off and grabbed my own things before stepping off the bus. I was getting to her and that was what I hoped to accomplish.

The usual smattering of fans and paparazzi were waiting in the lobby when I arrived. I was checking in when I noticed Stacia, a backup singer, heading in my direction.

"Hey, Christopher," she said, using her most seductive voice. She slipped her hand up my chest and leaned her body against mine, kissing my cheek.

"Stacia," I replied, nodding and heading to the elevator.

The door opened and I stepped in, feeling her follow me. I smiled to myself. We've played this game many times.

"So, what floor?" she asked with her fingers hovering over the buttons.

"Eight," I answered.

"Eight it is," she said, smiling and winking at me.

After closing my bedroom door, she got straight to business, stripping off all her clothes until she stood only in heels. She sashayed to the bed and laid across it. Curling one finger, she motioned for me to join her.

Walking to the edge of the bed, I stood looking down on her. She moved onto her knees and removed my shirt before moving lower to unbuckle my pants. I looked down onto her bleach blonde head. She slid my pants and boxers down until they fell to the floor, a cotton and denim puddle at my feet. She kissed my neck and slid her tongue down my chest and over my stomach, reaching her final destination.

She circled my tip with her tongue before taking all of me into her mouth, letting her tongue sweep the underside of my cock before pulling back. She repeated the motion one more time before slowly bobbing her head back and forth. While the physical contact aroused me, I was having difficulty staying hard. This is a first, and more than fucking frustrating.

I gripped the back of her head and took control, thrusting in and out of her mouth at a quicker pace. Her gag reflex protested for a second, but I just went with it, savoring the feeling of the back of her throat. My muscles began to tighten and I knew I was close. She tried to pull away, but I kept her in place until I was finished. Releasing her, I went to take a shower, leaving her alone on the bed.

As I leaned into the hot water, I heard the bathroom door open and Stacia's silhouette formed on the other side of the shower curtain. I rolled my eyes when she reached for the shower curtain. Why do they always think sex, or head, is more than it is? She should know how this game works by now.

"Did you need something?" I asked, irritation dripping from my words. Her hand stopped its forward movement and lingered in the air, but she didn't answer me.

"You can go now," I said flatly.

"Asshole," she huffed and then slammed the bathroom door as she left.

When I heard the room door shut, I got out of the shower and went to lie down. The last thing I remember was the radio clock stating it was two in the morning.

I was sitting on my bed; my back leaned up against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. He was yelling again, berating her for reasons I didn't know. His anger was palpable; the air filled with animosity and fear. Suddenly, the house turned quiet. My skin prickled, waiting for what was to come. A thud, followed by a scream, had me running from my room, rushing to her side. I slid down next to her, looking her over. The sharp sting registered to my cheek as he slapped me. I showed no emotion, only worried about her, for her. He grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me across the floor, throwing me into the familiar dark closet. He slammed the door shut and locked me in. I heard the screech of heavy furniture moving, blocking me inside. I was trapped, unable to be the warrior she needed. Curling into a ball on the floor, I covered my ears to escape the sobbing...the screaming.

The door slowly opened and there she was, reaching for me – battered and bruised. I grasped her outstretched hand and clung to her with all I had. She hurried us to my room, locking and blocking the door. Once we were on my bed, I curled into her side, reveling in her warmth, listening to her rapidly increasing heartbeat. He started pounding on the door, screaming bad names at her, at me. Calling her foul things that just weren't true. With every pound came another hateful name, a hateful remark. Why wouldn't he just go away?

I jolted up, screaming into the dark room. I ran my hands up and down my face, scrubbing the images from my head. Looking to the clock, I realized I had only been asleep for three hours. My eyes landed on the date, the eerie green lighting taunting me. Angrily, I climbed out of bed and headed to the shower to rinse off the sweat. It was getting worse; I was getting worse. _Fuck!_

Mia

Once we arrived in Phoenix, I ran off that bus as if my ass was on fire. I could not get away fast enough. He was driving me insane, and it was only the first four hours. I just wanted to get this over and done.

"Mia, everything okay?" Serena asked, falling in step with me.

She wasn't shy about examining me, her eyes tracing my frazzled appearance.

"Is he being an asshole? Do you want me to get my Nair?" Laney asked, catching up to us.

"No and no. Step away from the Nair, Lane," I sighed. "He is an impossible jerk. I swear, sleep is something he doesn't do and he has made it his quest in life to piss me off." I stopped walking to check in with the hotel clerk. "I want to rip his fucking head off!"

"Just call it off, Mia. It's not worth it," Kat said, leaning against the lobby desk, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"You know I can't do that. Once I make my mind up, there's no going back. Besides, I'm a tough girl and it's only a week, right? What's one week of hell? Some people live an eternity of it," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

They all gave me an unsure look.

"What? Do you know something that I don't?"

"Think about it, Mia. Do you think he's going to let it be that easy?" Serena sighed. "He's obviously up to something, not that I'm sure what it is, yet."

"Easy? I would never call this easy. I know the feeling. Believe me, he's definitely up to something. But, I'm giving it a week and that's it. That's what I agreed to."

We grabbed our hotel keys and headed toward our rooms. I would be damned if I would let him win. Whatever game he's playing, bring it on. Two can definitely play.

After my shower, I lay in bed for a while cursing the demon spawn that was Chris. I finally dozed off, completely turned on by the thought of him.

The next morning my cell phone chirped me awake. Grabbing the phone, I peeked at the screen. Really, this early? Crap, it was only eight in the morning.

"What, Laney?" I croaked out.

"Breakfast in twenty, wake up and get your ass down to the restaurant," she said and hung up.

I screamed into my pillow before I got into a cold shower, hoping it would wake me up. Throwing on some baggy jeans, a tiny t-shirt, and sliding on my flip-flops, I brushed my hair, twisting it into a knot at the back of my head. I smiled as I headed down to the restaurant, knowing Laney was going to scoff at my ensemble.

Entering the hotel restaurant, I saw just about everyone was at a large table. One quicker scan of the table informed me that Una and Christopher were the only two who hadn't arrived. I relaxed knowing Christopher wasn't around.

After getting my food, we sat around eating and talking. Once finished, I stood up to go collect my things to take back to the bastard's bus. Just the thought of it made me shudder. I looked over my shoulder, seeing a look of disgust take over Laney's face as she took in my outfit. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"I thought I got rid of those jeans last year?" she speculated, narrowing her eyes at me.

I smiled large and turned to leave, running right into the bastard himself. Stumbling back, I caught myself on a nearby chair.

"Sorry," I mumbled and walked around him.

As I was passing, he leaned toward me and I flinched away.

"If you want to put your hands on me, you could at least wait till we get on the bus," he smirked.

I scowled at him, wanting to slap the attractive little smirk off his face. Instead, inspiration struck. Stopping, I grabbed his arm and pulled his face extremely close to mine. I heard gasps from behind us. Our noses were less than an inch away, and his eyes widened when I licked my lips.

Using the sickliest sweet voice I could muster, I opened my mouth.

"In your fucking dreams, Mason."

I shoved him back and walked out of the restaurant extremely proud of myself, listening to the roar of laughter behind me. Then, I noticed Una had been watching. I mouthed "sorry" with an apologetic look on my face. She simply winked at me.

We met up with Una later in a small conference room for a few hours before leaving for the concert arena. Having spent most of the day trapped inside the hotel, I was ready to get out.

Along the way to the bus, I decided to climb on the Hushed Mentality bus to ride with my girls. It was only a short drive to the arena; my reasons were justified. When they boarded the bus, they smiled at me and I smiled back.

"What are you up to?" Serena asked, raising her eyebrow at me.

"Who, me?" I asked innocently.

"Yes, you," Laney grinned.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I closed my eyes and laid my head back on the couch.

"Oh, come on. Why aren't you on the jerk's bus?" Kat laughed.

"We're just heading over to the arena. Why can't I prepare with the band before we arrive?" I asked, shrugging and laughing.

Christopher

When I got to the bus, I was a little surprised to find she wasn't around. Figuring she was stalling, I shrugged it off. When the bus started moving, I was pissed off. _Where was she?_

We got to the arena and I stalked off the bus in time to see her exit the other bus with her band. Her head turned in my direction. I glared. She smiled and waved. She fucking smiled and waved at me as if I was an idiot.

That bitch! Game on, Ryder, game on.

The concert was flawless and when it was over, we were ushered straight to the bus. Mia wasn't there when I arrived and if she didn't show up I was going to count it as an early victory. Yet, I wasn't sure she had been pushed far enough to leave the tour. Maybe she just left the bus.

Before I could contemplate this any further, she walked on and stopped when she saw me sitting there on the couch. She eyed me closely and then went toward her bunk. I put my leg up to stop her.

"What?" she barked.

"Sit," I ordered, motioning to the couch and throwing the notebook down on the table.

"I'm not a dog," she snapped.

"Just sit down."

Grabbing the notebook from the table, I threw it onto the couch cushion next to me.

"I'm tired and just want to go to bed," she growled.

I raised a brow at her. She had to realize I would just keep her awake.

She sighed, defeated, and plopped down onto the couch – as far away from me as possible. There it was again, that magnetism, raw and angry. I didn't understand this strange pull and I didn't like it. I studied her as she looked over the notebook. She was beautiful, sexy in an unassuming way. I mentally scolded myself for wanting to pull her next to me, run my fingers through her long, soft, glorious locks, and imprison her mouth with mine. She looked up to meet my gaze.

"So, does this mean it's finished? Because it looks like you've got it all figured out."

"Not exactly. We still need to work some things out," I said, watching her face fall in disappointment. She really thought this arrangement was over already? _Idiot_. "I had your guitar brought in here." I pointed toward her guitar case. She leaned forward and grabbed it.

"Where do you want to start?" she asked, strumming the strings.

I had to admit, it was hot seeing her with her guitar. It would be even hotter if she were naked, strumming the chords of...I shook the thought away quickly. I needed to find Stacia, and soon. The last thing I needed were hormones getting involved. My unsatisfied cock is to blame. I am not attracted to her.

"Let's start at the beginning together and then we can work it out from there," I said.

She nodded, and I tapped it out on my guitar. We both started playing and singing. After an hour, she stood up and went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water.

"Do you want one?" she asked, turning to me.

I shook my head and furrowed my brow at her. I didn't understand why she would offer me anything. My plan wasn't working as well as I thought if she was being polite. I needed to step up my game.

"I think I should start first. You should take the second stanza and we can join together for the chorus," I said, changing the subject back to the song.

She took a drink as she sat back down, nodding as she swallowed. We played the song out as I had suggested, making notes after we finished.

Three hours later, she laid her guitar in its case and headed back to the bunk. I followed, which seemed to make her nervous. I chuckled to myself. She relaxed when I passed by her and went to my bed in the back of the bus. I laid down on the bed and reluctantly fell asleep.

The thumps grew louder and his screams were deafening. Her grasp on me tightened, shielding me. A loud noise reverberated through the room; all I could hear was ringing. Her hands clasped around my head and over my ears. Looking up into her sad, swollen eyes, the smell was familiar, like fireworks.

I heard the door collapse and the dresser screech across the floor when he crashed into the bedroom. Shoving me off the bed onto the floor, she jumped up. A blaring roar exploded around my head. She screamed, "Run now!" and that's what I did...until she screamed again.

"No! Please Don't!"

Unable to resist, I ran back to her and her screams. When I got back to the room, my eyes landed on him as the explosion roared through my ringing ears. Red. Everywhere, red.

"Noooo!"

I jolted upright, my shirt and hair stuck to the cold sweat covering my body.

"Christopher?" Mia called, cracking opened the door. "Um...are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I spat out nastily.

"Are you sure? I can get –"

"I said I'm fine. Just leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled, standing from the bed and slamming the door in her face. I threw myself back on the bed and buried my face.

_Why? Why am I imprisoned to relive that night every time I close my eyes? It's like a sick, twisted version of Groundhog's Day. Fuck it all._ Tears slid down my cheek against my will.
Chapter Seven

Mia

_Stupid, ungrateful, egotistical, annoying, door-slamming jerk._ His soft whimpering had woken me. When I heard him screaming, I decided I should check on him. I was trying to be nice, see if he was okay... be a decent roomie. Then, in typical Christopher Mason style, he decides to act like a fucking asshole. I shouldn't be surprised. He has yet to prove himself as anything more than jerk-off. Nevertheless, for whatever reason, I care. I fucking care. _Well, welcome to the new and improved Mia who doesn't give a shit. Scream away, Mason. I'll be here, reveling in the fact that I. Don't. Care._

I climbed back onto my bunk and silently fumed until I finally fell back asleep. When I woke, the bus was empty. Pushing up on my elbows, I looked out the window. We were in the back lot of the Vegas arena. Grabbing my shower bag and a change of clothes, I headed to the shower.

While I was rinsing off, I heard a voice. I hurried to dry and dress. Once I started combing my hair, the door suddenly opened up. There stood Christopher with his usual scowl.

"Ever heard of knocking, asshole?" I spat, not bothering to look at him.

"Ever heard of locking the door, whore?"

Turning, I glared at him and slammed the door in his face, locking it.

He yanked the door back open, smirking. "Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that the lock is broken."

He walked away. My blood boiled so hot my face grew warm. Stepping out of the bathroom, I threw my brush at him, hitting him in the back of his right shoulder. He spun and stalked toward me yelling.

"What the fuck!"

I'm not gonna lie, at my five-foot-six stature, having a man a full foot taller stalking toward you is a little scary. Fighting the urge to take off running, I squared my shoulders and straightened my spine. He shoved his finger in my face

"Don't ever –"

Before he could finish, I smacked his finger out of my face.

"No! Don't _you_ ever!"

Shoving past him, I walked off the bus and into the dry heat. I immediately heard the slamming and crashing of objects behind me, but kept walking. I didn't look back until I got to the entrance. Jackson and Nicholas scrambled to get onto the bus. _Yeah, guys, go baby the asshole._

I found the girls, who could tell by the look on my face I was pissed off. They knew what, or rather who, was the cause. Instead of questioning me, they kept the conversation light.

"This heat is going to kill my hair," Laney pouted to her reflection in the large vanity mirror.

"Christ, Lane, you barely have enough hair to call yourself a girl. Quit bitching," Kat playfully teased.

"You're so mean," Lane said, sticking out her bottom lip.

I smiled, welcoming the familiarity of their banter.

We headed to the stage for sound checks before being sent off to hair, make-up, and wardrobe. After we'd spent three hours being primped for our thirty-minute set, Una came into our backstage room.

"Mia, is everything okay?" she asked, scanning me intently.

Here we go.

"Una, he's an asshole. A complete dick," I defended in a huff.

"He didn't do anything to you, did he?" she asked, kneeling in front of me.

I sat up straight and shook my head.

"Why would you think he did something to me?" I asked, seeing her hesitate. "I mean, yeah, he's been an asshole, but if you mean physically hurt me... wait, why would I have to worry about that?"

"I told you Christopher has a past. I don't know the whole story, but what I do know is that he has a temper, and Nicholas had to settle him down earlier today. Someone mentioned hearing you two fighting with each other. Then you ran from the bus, so Nicholas and I wanted to make sure –"

"It was just an argument." Realization hit me. "Should I be worried that he would hurt me like that?" My eyes widened.

"I –"

"We just wanted to be sure."

Nicholas' voice made my head snap as he entered the door.

"Has it happened before?" I demanded, scowling at him. Had they really put me on a bus with a guy that beats up women or something?

"Not with a person we're touring with, no. But, with strangers, yes," Nicholas admitted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I know you have this tension between you, so I just needed to be sure," he continued, walking over to put his hand on my shoulder. "He swore he hadn't done anything to harm you, but I needed to hear it from you. I'm sorry, Mia. We will have your things moved back to your bus before the show is over tonight."

I didn't say anything and I didn't move. Did I really feel like he was dangerous? That he could hurt me? No, I didn't believe that. For some reason, I didn't feel like he would, or could, be capable of hurting me. He obviously liked pissing me off, but he never once gave me the impression that he would hit me.

"Did he ask for you to move my things?" I questioned, still not looking at anyone or anything in particular.

"What?" Nicholas shifted back and forth. "Um...no, he didn't. I assumed –"

"He didn't harm me, has never harmed me. It was an argument. That's it. I think you guys are making something out of nothing." There was a knock on the door followed by the announcement that we were on in ten minutes. I got up and walked toward the door.

"Leave my things."

There was no way I was running after I stood up to him today. He would not win this way.

* * * * *

I watched from backstage with Laney as The Forgotten performed. The way she eyed Jackson I could tell she was completely infatuated. Nudging her arm, I smiled at her.

"What?" she asked, trying to hide her smile.

Nodding toward Jackson, I winked at her. She laughed and looked back at him.

"You want to kiss him and have his babies," I sang into her ear.

She smacked my arm and looked around us.

"Shut up," she laughed. "He's just so pretty."

Jackson captured her attention again. I raised a brow at her description.

"Pretty?"

She nodded and bit her lip, never taking her eyes from him.

"Well, I wouldn't tell him that."

She looked at me, confused.

"I'm thinking the seven foot, tattooed, and pierced giant probably doesn't like to be called pretty."

She started to scowl and I put my hands up in surrender.

"I'm just saying."

Laughing, she shook her head.

They started their next song, a track they didn't play very often. Jackson's nervous expression confused me. I looked at Elliott and Jimmy, who focused on Christopher, seeming very concerned. Curious, I began to study Christopher and really listened to the words he was singing. So many emotions passed over his face; anger, pain, sadness, happiness. He didn't even seem to realize he was on stage anymore. He was lost. Before I knew it, I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Wiping it away quickly, I realized the song was over and left the arena, heading to the bus.

Quickly showering and hurrying to change into some pajama bottoms and a tank top, I climbed into the bunk. My mind was dissecting Christopher's performance. What could've possibly inspired such an emotional performance? There was so much passion behind his lyrics. He seemed so alone in the middle of a crowded arena. Eventually, the contemplation exhausted me and I fell asleep.

I felt weighed down. I was sinking. My chest constricted, feeling as if I was going to be crushed. Waking with a gasp, I screamed at the dark figure above me. Shoving with my hands, I maneuvered my legs so I could use their strength to push. Using my feet, the figure fell back and groaned. _Christopher?_

Pushing myself back to the corner of my bunk, I tried to catch my breath. I stared at him, horrified. _Had I been that wrong? Would he prove me wrong tonight?_ _Shit, shit, shit._

"Fuhhckk..." he slurred and stumbled into an upright position.

"Stay back, Christopher!" I screamed. Scanning the room for anything I could use to fight him with or for a way to escape. I found nothing.

Looking at his face, it shifts from anger to pain and then guilt. He mumbled something I couldn't make out and quickly stumbled to his room. A loud crash and a groan came from his room.

I pulled myself up from the bunk and went to check on him. The new and improved Mia was long forgotten, crushed by this inexplicable draw toward him. I placed my ear against the door and called out to him.

"Christopher?" My mouth moved, but it was soundless. I took a deep breath and tried again. "Christopher?" I stated loud enough for him to hear, but I got no response. I quietly opened the door. Christopher was sprawled across the floor. It looked like he'd knocked everything off the small table next to his bed.

"Christopher –"

"Go. Away!"

Curling my body away from his anger, I sucked in a breath and walked toward him. Reaching for his arm, the tips of my fingers touched him and he pulled away. Standing quickly, he looked me straight in my face.

"Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone!"

Shouting in my face, his breath smelled putrid. Like alcohol and asshole. He threw himself onto his bed and put his arm over his face.

I was about to turn and leave when the bottles caught my attention. Scattered on the floor were a variety of pills and prescription bottles. Leaning down, I picked up the bottles and looked at the labels. I quickly stood and turned back to him.

"Christopher, did you take these –."

Before I could finish, his intent stare stopped me. Sitting up on the edge of the bed, his expression concerned me. I didn't know if I should be scared or not, but I straightened my spine and continued.

"Christopher, did you take any of these?"

He didn't move, just stared. I took one slow step forward, his eyes never hesitating. Taking his chin in my hand, I leaned down toward his face.

"Did you take any of these pills? How many did you take?"

When he still didn't respond, I dropped my head.

"Please, answer me?"

Still nothing.

"Fine, I'll get Nicholas," I sputtered and looked to the door. The sound of him sobbing made me stop. I looked down at him. He had dropped his face into his palms.

"I'll be right back," I said quietly.

He grabbed my arm, pulled me in front of him, and pressed his forehead against my stomach. I gasped loudly as his hands took firm hold on my hips. I don't know how long we stayed like that before my mind caught up with everything.

"Did you take any pills?"

For a moment, I thought maybe he wouldn't hear me. Then he shook his head against my stomach. Relief flooded through me. His hands slid around my lower back, circling my waist, locking me against him.

After standing there a little longer, I tried to pull away. He hugged me tighter and laid us both onto his bed. Fear settled into the depths of my stomach and moved up through my chest and into my neck. I bucked against him, trying to push away, the old 'fight or flight' instinct taking charge. He ignored my movements and rolled so I was on my back, curling up next to me, his left arm draped over my waist as he wrapped his leg around my shins and buried his face into my neck. Secured to his bed, I lay there listening to his breathing become deep and even. All of the previous fear left me, leaving me languid and comfortable. Although, I knew this was a feeling I shouldn't be entertaining, I couldn't help it. I felt like his security blanket, as if being this person for him was completely natural.

Deciding that I was way too comfortable with the situation, I shifted just a little. When he didn't make a sound or a move, I tried to get up. His body locked up and his breath warmed the side of my neck as he spoke.

"Please don't leave."

I froze not knowing what to do. Part of me screamed to get the hell out, while the other part felt sympathetic. Yes, I was comfortable and couldn't help the butterflies swarming in my stomach, but was I doing the right thing? Just because he gave me feelings I had no intention of deliberating on, does it make it okay for me to stay with him? Sometime during my mental battle, exhaustion won and I slipped into sleep under his iron clasp.

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in Christopher's bed. Rubbing my eyes, I took a deep breath and got up. All of the pills had been picked up, and the bus was empty. Well, at least there won't be an uncomfortable silence this morning.

Grabbing some clothes, I headed to the bathroom. After brushing my hair and my teeth, I slipped into jeans and a t-shirt. Stepping into my shoes, I exited the bus.

As I stepped off the last step of the bus, Christopher was right there, about to get on. His brow was furrowed. In a split second decision, I decided to treat him the same as I normally would. Ignoring him, I kept walking toward the arena. I wouldn't even know where to begin that conversation.

Christopher

We didn't typically play the song, and Jackson tried to protest, but I needed to do it. I wrote this song while trying to suppress my demons; feeling that maybe if I acknowledged them, they would leave. Obviously, acknowledgment hadn't worked, but it made me feel better. I started the song off, releasing every feeling that matched the words. As I continued to sing, I felt the burden slightly lift from my shoulders. I ran through a series of emotions, each emotion hitting home with each lyric I sang. A major weight lifted off my shoulders. I continued to sing the song, living it over, and over, again. Reveling in the despair, the loneliness, happiness; the nightmares that still dwelled. I let everything out through my words, repelling it from my body, exorcising my demons the best I knew how.

After we completed _Losses_ , I caught a glimpse of Mia walking away. Turning, I saw the look on Jackson's, Jimmy's, and Elliott's faces. I scowled at them before we went on with our show.

Once the show was over, I disappeared. I didn't want to hear the questions or have everyone checking on me. If I had to hear anyone ask me, "how are you feeling", or "how are you doing", I would definitely punch them in the face. It was the one drawback to playing the song. No matter how much I needed the release, the demons were only so far behind me.

It wasn't easy, but I thwarted Darius and found myself a dark corner in a local bar. I started a tab. Drinking always made me feel better, drinking a lot usually made the dreams disappear. This wasn't something I did, especially on tour. Yet, tonight, I couldn't stop. I needed it. Leaning my head back against a wall, I closed my eyes only to be flooded with memories of her, of that night. The anniversary of that night was less than six days away. I only hoped I could consume enough alcohol to make it all go away.

The minute the bartender cut me off, I stumbled back to the arena toward the buses. A few paparazzi caught sight of me. Their flashes were killing my freaking eyes. Once I was close enough to the arena, a couple of security guards ran up to help me. I could hear them talking on two way radios, but I wasn't sure what they were saying. Darius appeared with a large scowl on his face and took in my appearance.

"I don't know why you do this to yourself," he grumbled and carried me to my bus. He tried to climb onto the bus with me, but I shoved him off.

I stumbled onto the bus and stopped dead. The bus was completely clean of my destruction of earlier, which I figured it would be. I just wasn't prepared for Mia. Nevertheless, there she was, in her bunk, as if nothing had happened this morning. With the way Nicholas berated me earlier and how I had to keep reassuring him I didn't harm her, I was sure he would have had her moved off the bus.

She didn't leave. I could only hope it was because she knew I would never harm her, could never harm her.

All of a feelings and memories from the bar came back to the forefront of my mind. I kneeled forward onto her bunk and slowly looked over her sleeping face. For whatever reason, her presence made the memories hurt less. As if my mind became numb to the affect they had on me. I leaned forward against her, pressing my cheek to hers. What was it about her? In this moment, she feels like the Lennon to my McCartney; the Grohl to my Cobain; the Anderson to my Tommy Lee....bow chicka wow wow. _Jesus Christ, Chris, mind out of the gutter. I really need to lay off the booze._ Suddenly, she jerks up screaming and shoves me off the bed.

"Fuhhckk...."

As I stumbled back into a standing position, all of the alcohol seemed to rush to my head. _The bigger head. Well, maybe the smaller head, too. Gutter!_

Her screaming for me to leave her alone made me focus on her. She had her back pressed to the corner of the bus wall; fear the prominent emotion on her face. Memories consumed me. _Her_ face flashed before my eyes, full of pain, fear, and heartache.

"I'm turning into him."

Angrily, I stumbled to the back of the bus. Reaching the side table for the pill bottle, I lost my balance. The contents of the table landed on the floor around me.

"Christopher?"

I tried to ignore her, sure that she was making sure the coast was clear before bolting off this bus.

"Christopher?"

_Fuck, why is she still her_ e?

"Go. Away!"

Her fingers grazed my arm. Yanking away from her, I stood, and got in her face. "Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone!"

Dizziness swept over me and I threw myself down on the bed, hoping she would just go. I didn't need anyone else to see me in this state. She spoke again and I sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. The allure I had to her was palpable, seemingly entrancing. My eyes locked onto every movement she made, as if she were a siren calling me to my death.

"Christopher, did you take these...." she stopped short and looked at me.

Why wasn't she running? Why wasn't she afraid to be here?

"Christopher. Did you take any of these?"

I couldn't figure her out. Suddenly my chin was in her hand pulling my face to look her straight in the eye.

"Did you take any of these pills and how many did you take?"

After my silence, her face dropped with a sigh.

"Please, answer me?"

Still trying to understand, I remained silent. _She never did what I thought she would do. Why was she still here?_ _She didn't leave when she had the chance or when I told her to go. She would leave if she knew what you did, what was deep down inside of you._

"Fine, I'll get Nicholas," Mia started toward the door.

I thought of her and of Gwen. There was no holding it back any longer. Dropping my face into my hands, the sobs bubbled out of my chest.

"I'll be right back."

She was trying to reassure me. Reassure _me_ , the person who just scared the shit out of her. Without thinking, I grabbed her arm, pulled her in front of me, and pressed my head against her. I'm not sure what exactly compelled the action, but I closed my eyes. There was nothing. There was no image, no memories...nothing. Just a blank slate, clearing my head of everything foul. I held her in place for a long time. She stayed with me, silently and longer than I expected.

"Did you take any pills?"

Shaking my head, I slid my hands around her waist, holding her to me. Afraid she would leave, now that she had her answer, I held tighter. She finally attempted to move, but I couldn't let her go. It felt like she was the only thing holding off the nightmares waiting behind my eyelids. I lay back on to the bed, taking her with me. Tension filled every one of her muscles and she tried to fight the move. I knew she was afraid and uncertain, but I couldn't let go. Not yet.

I rolled so she was on her back and I curled into her. Making sure she was unable to leave me, I buried my face into her side and closed my eyes. There was nothing; no pain, suffering, images of the nightmares, memories. There was darkness. Sweet, sweet darkness. My body relaxed into hers.

She shifted a little after we had relaxed and tried to get up. I locked up on her. There was no way I could give this up. Without her here, I had no idea of what was waiting for me beyond the darkness. Without moving my head, I spoke.

"Please don't leave."

Her hair muffled my voice, but she heard me. She seemed to relax a little, the tension bleeding out slightly. Most of all, she didn't leave.

When I woke the next morning, I couldn't believe I'd slept the entire night. I slept a whole night without waking up screaming. I haven't slept like this in...hell, I couldn't remember the last time I slept like this. Let alone a night where I slept without pills.

The night came back to me and I dropped my head down to the body pressed against mine. Mia was still in bed with me. She hadn't left. Gently pulling my arm off her, I sat up in bed. Running my hand through my hair, I looked over once more to Mia curled up on her side still fast asleep. _She didn't leave._

Panic set in. This was too personal. It was too intimate. How did I let this happen? I had to get out of here. Grabbing some clothes on the way out of the room, I showered and dressed. Leaving the bus, I went for a walk to clear my head.

This wasn't in my plan. I didn't need to be an emotional wreck right now.

Maybe having her on the bus was a bad idea. Yeah, it was bad timing to have her on the bus with me. It was so close to...to that night and...it doesn't matter, I'm sticking to the plan. This changes nothing. I can deal. Just block it out, right? That's what I've been told for years, 'the past is the past, the present is now'. What a bunch of bullshit.

I was just about to step back on the bus as she descended off the last step. I furrowed my brow at her, just waiting for her to say something about what happened. She didn't. Her face was completely blank. She ignored me and kept walking toward the arena.

Holy shit, was she really going to pretend it didn't happen? Part of me felt relieved, but a small part was angry with her. _Tad irrational? Story of my life._

Mia

The Salt Lake City concert was amazing. The arena was the largest we'd been in yet and the crowd was insane. We were so into our performance, pushing ourselves so hard, that at the close of the concert, we decided to hang out on the bus and relax instead of going out.

"So, how are things with the lunatic?" Laney giggled and took a drink of her beer.

I rolled my eyes and took a drink. There was no way I was telling them about last night. _No way in hell._ _It had felt too personal, and that was saying much more than anyone needed to know._ He needed me and, for the life of me, I couldn't tell him no. No matter what his deal is, I felt too close to him, too drawn in, to leave. But, was I admitting that? Hell to the motherfucking no. I'm in my own personal hell, that's all that needs to be known.

"Same ass, same hole," I laughed.

Kat broke into hysterics.

"I don't know how you do it," Serena said, shaking her head and looking apologetic. "We really shouldn't have let you get on that bus."

"No, I could've just refused," I sighed and took another drink.

"Is the song at least coming along?" Laney asked.

"Sort of," I said, shrugging. "We haven't worked on it much since the last time I told you about it. We're working on asshole time."

I winked at Laney and she giggled.

"Fuck," Kat breathed out. "He's a real dickhead isn't he?"

"Who is?"

All of our heads turned to see Una standing in the doorway, smirking at us.

"Christopher," I answered nonchalantly. "Who else?"

"Is he still giving you a hard time?" she asked, coming in and sitting down with us.

"You could say that, but what else is new?" I asked, stretching my arms over my head. "Once we get this damn song finished, I won't have to deal with him like this anymore."

I gave her a large smile.

Una stood up.

"Mia, can we take a walk?"

My face dropped and I instantly got nervous.

"Calm down. I just want to talk, one on one."

She motioned for me to follow her. Placing my beer on the small table, I followed. Once we were a good ten feet from the bus she started speaking.

"I want to talk to you a little bit about Christopher."

I nodded.

"Now, keep in mind, I don't know everything. And, what I do know, isn't much, but I want to give you as much information as possible," she sighed. "I should have spoken with you sooner."

She looked at me apologetically.

"Maybe it will help, maybe it won't, but I have to at least tell you."

Now I was even more nervous.

"Christopher didn't come to live with Nicholas until he was around twelve years old. By that time, Christopher had many emotional issues. He'd lived with his mother. Neither Christopher nor Nicholas knew of each other. In fact, when Nicholas married Gwen, Christopher would have been around two years old. Gwen brought with her a son, Jackson, who was almost three." She paused. "Christopher was brought to Nicholas after his mother's death."

"After her death?" I repeated her last words.

"Yes," she answered. "That's really all I know, Mia, but perhaps it helps your situation. I'm not sure."

She stopped walking and I stopped, too.

We both turned and headed back to the bus. I was trying to absorb everything she had said. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make me curious and a little apprehensive.

Laney, Kat, and Serena bombarded me with questions when I got back. I gave them a very brief summary, leaving out some information. A few minutes later, I told everyone I was tired and headed back to my bus to get ready for bed.

I was exhausted. After dealing with Chris last night, the intense concert, and Una's disclosures, I just wanted to curl up in my favorite blanket. I showered quickly, hoping the hot water would ease my tension. I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before brushing my teeth and hair. As I exited the bathroom, I looked around to see if Christopher was here yet. With no sign of him, I buried myself into the bunk and slipped into unconsciousness.

I don't know what time it was when I heard Christopher yell out, but my eyes shot open. Fear settled in for a moment. I laid back down and took a deep breath, centering myself. Although I was very much awake, I layed still with my eyes closed. A few moments later, I heard his door slide open. I continued to play possum. I know it was kind of shitty of me, but I didn't know if I could offer my help again and get shit on by his bad attitude. Suddenly, an arm slipped under my body and lifted. I went stiff for a moment before relaxing. _Can't play dead if I'm having heart palpitations._

He laid me down on the bed and climbed in next to me. I peeked through half closed eyes. All I saw was the wall across the room and the clock on his nightstand. He was lying behind me, spooning me. I felt the heat radiating off his body, pulsing in the sliver of space he had left between us. He wasn't touching me at all; no arm draped over my stomach, no small caress to my hand or back. He was just lying next to me. My mind was racing, not knowing if I should get up or just stay.

I shifted around slightly. Christopher moved, but barely. I settled into a comfortable position and decided to stay. If he went through the trouble of carrying me in here, then he must need me on some level. No matter how much of a front I put on, I can't deny the invisible chain link dangling between us. I couldn't explain it. _It_ didn't make sense to me. I looked back to the clock, which showed four-thirty in the morning. After a few moments, I heard heavy, even breaths behind me. He was asleep. I closed my eyes and fully relaxed, welcoming sleep once again in the familiar, yet foreign, bed.

Just as the morning before, I woke alone.
**  
**Chapter Eight

Mia

Once dressed, I stepped out into rainy Denver. The drizzle was constant and the air cold. Shivering, I pulled my hooded jacket tighter around my body, wishing I would've worn a sweatshirt, too.

"Mia!" Serena called, running up to me.

"Hey, what's up?" I said with a smile, happy to see my sister. We walked toward the arena to grab something from the breakfast table.

"I was listening to the song you left with me, we should rehearse it," she said, a large smile spread across her face. "I think it's a really fun, energetic song, and maybe we can play it tonight – if we nail it in rehearsal."

"Sounds like a plan."

She wrapped her arm around mine. Once we finished eating, we set out to find Rob, the man we needed to talk to about rehearsing on stage. Once found, we told him what we needed and he complied.

"Shouldn't be a problem," he said. "Give me an hour or so, okay?"

Nodding to Rob, we walked to the Hush bus.

Kat and I decided to get some exercise, which I hoped would relieve some of the tension and stress in my neck and shoulders. Borrowing some workout clothes from Serena, I avoided running into Christopher at all costs. We went where the choreographer, dancers, and backup singers were working out.

"Hey, mind if we join?" Kat asked, winking at him.

The choreographer laughed at her, then he looked over to me.

"Mia, are you going to behave?" he asked, playfully scowling.

"Who me? Why wouldn't I?" I asked, bumping his hip with mine as I walked by.

Saying hello to our backup singers, I noticed a couple of unfamiliar faces. Trying to be polite, I gave them a smile. However, there were two bleached-blonde girls giving me dirty looks.

"Uh oh, there goes our normal workout," one backup singer giggled.

Her giggle pulled my attention from the bimbo twins.

"Why does everyone assume I'm such a terror?" I scoffed playfully.

"I wouldn't say you're a terror," she replied, stretching her arms over her head.

"You just like to change my established workout routine," the choreographer interrupted.

"Aww, you love it. It keeps it interesting," I teased, smiling like the Cheshire cat.

He laughed and handed me the remote to the radio.

"You might as well take it now."

Grabbing the remote, I hit the play button. The choreographer smiled and then started to instruct us with tension bands and lunges. After a few more songs and way too many squats and leg thrusts, I was dripping with sweat and ready to terrorize.

Starting to dance around, I got Kat, the choreographer, and the other girls to abandon their workout routine. We danced around each other, hopped, and grinded against each other. Closing my eyes, I let my mind go blank, getting lost in the music. The tension started to slip away and invigoration took its place.

When I decided to return to planet Earth, I saw that Laney and Serena had arrived and were dancing with us. When a personal favorite song came on, I turned it up louder. Elliott burst through the doorway singing the words in a high pitch squeal. Laughing loudly, we started dancing and singing with him.

After the workout session, I ran back to the girls' bus to shower and change. Then, we sought out Rob for rehearsal.

"Okay, let's play it as it was written first, then we can mess around with the arrangement," I suggested, my eyes scanning them one by one.

"Let's do this," Serena agreed, twirling her sticks in her fingertips with a nod.

Slipping my guitar strap over my head, I strummed. Serena tapped out the timing, and we started playing. We decided against using a microphone and played like we always did during our practices; facing each other. It is what has always worked best for us: playing off each other, keeping time with our instruments, uniting as the kick ass band we were. No one was better or in charge, we were whole, we were one, and the best music came out of that experience. Once we finished with our first run through, I took a sip of water.

"What is that one called?" Laney asked. "I love it, by the way."

"Fallen Love," I answered. "So, now that we went through it once, what do we want to do?"

"I think it would be pretty if we stripped it down and slowed the tempo," Kat said, strumming slowly on her bass.

"I like the energy of the song," Laney pouted a little. "I'm not sure we should slow it down."

"Serena?" I asked, looking to her.

"Let's try it stripped and slow," she said, shrugging and giving us a wink.

Serena tapped out a slower timing and we began again. By the end of the song, we were still undecided. Honestly, both versions were good and it would all depend on the mood of the performance.

It turned out to be another amazing night on stage. After the performance, we hung out backstage for a while. Sitting around with a few beers, we sang songs from when we were in school and laughed about old boyfriends. They teased me for the many trips I took to the hospital during my skateboarding phase, and then started in on my dancing background. Una sat with us, laughing at our stories and our behavior. She and Xander seemed genuinely entertained. After noticing how late it had gotten, we all said goodnight and headed back to the buses. My heart sank a little when we parted ways.

The bus was empty, which was my personal preference when I was going to change. Showering away the stage grime, I felt better. I changed into my last pair of clean pajamas – terry boy shorts and an old band t-shirt. Both were a little small and tight. Groaning, I threw on a baggy sweatshirt. These have to be Laney's shorts.

"I really have to get some laundry done," I said aloud to an empty bus.

Ten minutes later, I felt the bus shift and heard the door swish shut. Pretending to sleep, I silently wondered if I would stay in my bunk tonight. A frustrated sigh hovered on my lips while I attempted to ignore his movements. When the sound of the shower filled the bus, I figured it was my opportunity to fall asleep.

Falling fast into the depths of welcomed oblivion, footsteps stirred me back to the present. I held my breath, waiting for him to stop next to my bunk. Instead, he continued forward. I released the breath and relaxed one more. _Maybe he would let me be tonight._ Just as the thought crossed my mind, the footsteps returned and ceased at the entrance of my bunk. _So much for that idea._ I felt his presence next to me. It was the weirdest thing to feel a person who wasn't actually touching you. He didn't move, didn't speak; just hovered above me like a creeper wanting to get his thrill. I felt self-conscious and shifted uncomfortably. Finally, there was a change in his presence.

Sliding his long arms underneath me, he lifted me up and held me to his chest. We were just about to his doorway when I found the nerve to speak.

"I have feet, I can walk."

He froze, holding me bridal style. After a couple of long minutes, he set my feet to the floor. I squeezed by him to grab my blanket from my bunk and headed back toward him. He was still standing where I had left him, frozen in place, running his hand through his dark, wet hair. Slipping by him once more, I laid down on his bed. Turning to my side, facing away from him, I pulled my blanket up over my head.

It took him a few minutes, but eventually the bed gave way under his weight. Taking a deep, calming breath, I focused on the beat of my heart instead of the warmth radiating from his body.

Christopher

After the show, I decided to hang backstage with the guys. It was nice to just sit and bullshit with each other like we used to. One by one, the guys headed to bed. I followed suit and went to the bus.

As usual, Mia was already in her bunk. I grabbed a pair of shorts and headed to the shower. Once I was done, I walked into my room and looked at my bed. Anxiety instantly set in, twisting in my gut and engulfing my chest. I told myself I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't go to her. I sat down on the bed and scrubbed my hands up and down my face. I could deal. I just had to get over the crushing feeling in my chest and not think about it. _Yeah, right._ On the verge of hyperventilating, I sought out my new drug of choice.

I stood over her for a few minutes, admiring how the lights filtering in caressed the outline of her body. I have no idea how she does it, how she can make me feel better, but I can't ignore it, either. I should feel embarrassed by my behavior; should feel guilty for using her in this way, should even feel self-conscious over what she has already experienced. The whole situation is so damn personal. Nevertheless, she makes it all go away and I'm a selfish prick.

Her body shifted, snapping me out of my thoughts. I leaned down and picked her small body up. I didn't give a shit if it was a selfish act; I just wanted to sleep without reliving my worst nightmare.

"I have feet, I can walk."

I froze at her words. She's never been awake before. Well, never that I knew of. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just placed her on her feet. She squeezed past me back to her bunk. Anxiousness rose into my throat, making it hard to breathe.

As I contemplated taking the pills in the table drawer, she slipped by again. Confused, I watched her climb onto my bed. She came back. I really didn't think she would. Lying down next to her, all I could do was stare at her blanket-cocooned body.

_She never did what I expected_.

"Christopher?"

The muffled grunt of my name woke me from a deep sleep. I rolled over, ignoring the voice. My arm flopped across the bed and onto a body. _I don't remember fucking anyone._

"Christopher!"

Opening my eyes, I lifted my head. Nicholas stood in my doorway and he looked pissed.

"What?" I groaned.

Placing my head back down on my pillow, a pleasantly soft scent surrounded me. _Mmm, is it flow_... _Oh Shit! Mia! Not a floozy I picked up after the show._ I shot up to a sitting position and looked at Nicholas' wide, angry eyes.

"Christopher Tobias," he spat, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"It's not what you think," I said, putting my hand up to halt his lecture. I needed to explain. He would understand.

"Crap," Mia groaned.

At the sound of her voice, I looked down. Her face filled with shame and fear. Mia looked at my barely dressed body before she groaned and sat up. She, too, knew how this looked.

"Nicholas, it's not –"

"Mia, please excuse me and my son," he said, nodding to her and then looking at me with disgust. "Christopher?"

He walked out of my room.

"Fuck," I mumbled and stood up. I reached for my jeans from the night before and slid them on as I walked to the couch where Nicholas was standing.

"Nicholas, nothing happened. It's not what you think."

"I didn't agree to this arrangement just so you could get her into bed," he shouted before bringing his voice back down, remembering Mia could probably hear.

He was about to start into me again when the bedroom door slid open. Mia stepped out, biting her lip. Grabbing a pair of jeans from her pile of clothes, she walked by us, said, "Excuse me", and scrambled out the door. _Wish I could get out of here that easily._

Nicholas turned his angry glare back on me.

"Nicholas, I didn't 'get her into bed'. I didn't fuck her, didn't touch her. We were just sleeping –"

"Do you think I'm stupid? You do realize I know you better than that?" he sighed. "I love you, but you can't do this –"

Knowing the full truth would be the only thing that would save this situation; I gave it to him, laying myself bare.

"I can sleep with her next to me. Really sleep," I admitted, resting my forehead in my palms. I waited for him to internalize what I had just said.

"I hope you...wait..."

Ahh, he's got it.

"You slept?"

Raising my head, I nodded.

"Without alcohol...without pills?"

"Without nightmares," I answered him.

His mouth was slightly open, conflicting emotions spreading over his face. He didn't know what to say.

"Somehow, she keeps them away."

Not being comfortable with "heart to heart" conversations, I kept my voice low.

"Damn it, Christopher," he sighed, sitting next to me on the couch. "I don't even know what to say right now."

He took a deep breath through his nose and looked me in the eye.

"You can't use her to keep the memories away. Instead of alcohol and pills, you're allowing her to be your drug of choice. It's not fair to her."

There was no way I was giving her up. Not now.

"You don't understand," I said, shaking my head. "With the pills and the alcohol, I still had the nightmares. No matter what I did to delude myself, they would still come. With her just being near me, in the bed, no touching, they don't. I sleep free and clear, no nightmares, no terrors, and no fucking memories. They're gone, my mind is blank. I don't even dream. I know it's wrong. Believe me, I fucking know it's wrong. But, I can't enter my room without knowing what the night will bring me. I can't sit on my bed, let alone lie down, because I know what's going to happen. The images play out through my mind. I feel like I'm going to have a fucking panic attack just by looking at my bed! I just....I want to be able to sleep. And she...she allows me to sleep."

Unwanted tears formed in my eyes.

"Why won't you let me get you some real help? Maybe talking to someone will help...help you get over the past?"

I stood up and stalked back to my room, leaving him on the couch. I know his intentions are good, I know he wants to help me, but I've talked to people. Well, I've kind of talked to people, and it did nothing. They were all suited douchebags that said they knew what I was going through, that they could help me. _Really? You can fucking help me? Then why do I relive that night every time I close my eyes? Why do I see her terrified face and his black eyes every time I fall asleep?_ You can't change a monster; you can't fix the past or what I've done. You can't fucking fix death. From what I hear, that shit is fucking permanent.

Mia

My mind was racing. I slipped onto my band's bus and curled up on the couch. I could just imagine what we looked like in bed together. Last night, I hadn't paid attention to Christopher's lack of clothing. This morning, Nicholas and I both noticed his bare, tattooed chest on display. Groaning quietly, I covered my face with my arm.

Now that the thought was there, I couldn't help but think about each tattoo covering him. There was a large three-swirl design just over his heart that stood out to me amongst the other tattoos covering his mouthwatering chest. I couldn't help but notice the intricate design and wonder why he had gotten it. I also noticed his flat stomach along with the slight muscle definition lining his thighs. I wanted to run my tongue along his sculpted chest, biting each dark nipple on my way to his delicious, indented, belly button. Following the path to the dark strip of hair leading to his...I quickly shook my head to clear my train of thought and forced myself back to sleep.

* * * * *

"Mia."

"Go away," I groaned. Didn't I just get back to sleep?

"Mia, dear."

Opening one eye, I brought Una's fuzzy face slowly into focus.

"Hey," I yawned. "What's up?"

Stretching my arms over my head, a grunt slipped out of my mouth.

"Everything okay?" she asked, looking at me nervously.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you aren't on the other bus and I thought maybe –"

"No, Nicholas came in to talk to Christopher. I gave them some privacy, that's all."

Silently, I prayed Nicholas didn't tell Una about his "discovery" this morning.

"Oh," she said, looking unconvinced, but forcing a smile. "Okay."

I curled back up on the couch to try to sleep a few more hours. No such luck.

"Mia, come on, get up!" Laney groaned.

"Why?" I growled, rolling over and glaring.

"It's past noon, that's why. Get up," she demanded, jabbing me in my stomach with her finger.

"Humph," I breathed out and stood to stretch. I changed into the jeans I brought with me, ran a brush through my hair, and climbed off the bus.

We made it to arena just in time for sound check. Once we got the thumbs up, we practiced the new song again. We decided that we were going to play it tonight in the original faster tempo. About an hour later, we were ushered off stage so The Forgotten could rehearse. I could feel Christopher's presence; could feel his eyes on me, raising gooseflesh over my arms. However, I refused to look at him. Nothing good came from acknowledging his presence. Only unwanted feelings and scowled brows.

After the concert, we went back to the bus to celebrate our last night of living in a cramped metal box on wheels. Tomorrow, we arrive at the airport and fly back to Seattle, where we have three days of scheduled studio time.

Christopher and I had seemingly established a routine. For the third night in a row, I arrived to an empty bus, did my usual nightly ritual of showering, and headed to my bunk. Sometime after I fell asleep, Christopher whisked me away to his room for another slumber party and I awoke the next morning, alone.

With my stuff packed and loaded onto the label's private plane, I took a deep, cleansing breath. _This should be interesting._ I stepped onto the plane and grabbed a secluded seat.

Once we were off the ground, I put on my iPod and lounged back in the seat. Pulling the hood of my oversized sweatshirt over my head and sleeves down over my hands, I was cozy and content. Too bad the asshole had to ruin it.

There was a jab at my back. I ignored it. Then I felt it again, only harder and slightly painful. Flipping around in my seat, I wanted to slap him.

"What the hell?"

There was that fucking smirk. Christ, I hated that fucking smirk. I just want to slap the damn viper piercings out of his cocky face. He tossed his notepad onto my lap.

"Are you serious?" I demanded.

He put his head back and closed his eyes.

"You woke me up just for this?! We haven't touched this damn song in a week and now you want to work on it?"

He turned his head back toward me and cocked an eyebrow.

"Just look at the damn song, Ryder," he stated flatly, apparently bored with my reaction.

Huffing, I grabbed the notebook and looked it over closely. He had finished writing the lyrics. I had to read it twice to make sure I saw it right the first time. I looked to him slowly.

"You're splitting the lyrics?"

He nodded.

"I'm supposed to sing this?"

He nodded again, furrowing his brows. It looked good and he actually took some of my notes into consideration. I was impressed. Not that I would tell him that. Throwing the notebook back into his lap, I rolled back over.

"So?"

"So, what?" I groaned, still facing away from him.

"I'm going to arrange for you to record your part while we're in Seattle."

Before I could even respond to his demand, he was out of the seat and almost to the back of the plane. Huffing again, I slammed myself back into the seat. He is so infuriating.

Waking up to an overcast Seattle day in May was a welcomed familiarity. Stepping off the plane, I inhaled deeply and raised my face to let the cool, misty air wash over me.

"Come on," Laney urged, grabbing my arm.

"Where are we going?"

"We're getting our asses to the hotel so we can get ready to go out tonight," she said, looking back at me and beaming brightly. I rolled my eyes.

Once in our room, Laney attacked each one of us with hair product and make-up before shoving clothes in our arms. Una met up with us for dinner. We discussed the plan for tomorrow at the studio.

After our dinner, we headed to a nightclub. The music was thumping loudly. The assistant club manager escorted us to the VIP area. It was a fun night. We were able to let loose for a few hours.

It took all the strength we had left to drag our asses back to the hotel. We all headed to our separate rooms to shower away the make-up, hair products, and sweat. When I stepped out of the shower, I slid on a pair of cotton pajama bottoms and a tank top. Walking out of the bathroom, I heard loud voices outside of my room. When I went to investigate the disturbance, I ran into Laney standing with our suite door open. She was staring down the hall. Serena appeared next to me.

"What the hell is going on?"

With a shrug, we started to walk over to Laney. Laney's face scared me.

"Laney, what's –?" A yell from down the hall cut off my question. Leaning into the hallway, I saw she was staring at a crowd that had formed.

"Christopher, please, let us in!" Jackson yelled, pounding on the room door.

Stepping around Laney into the hall, two men in hotel uniforms ran by me. I started toward the door with Laney and Serena at my heels.

"What in the world is going on?" Serena asked, using a hushed tone.

They were both looking at me for an answer.

"How would I know?" I asked, shrugging.

Jackson started banging on the door again just as a hotel worker slipped in next to him and slid a card-key in the slot. Nicholas was next to Jackson with fear and worry plaguing his handsome face. My eyes fixed on Kat standing next to Jimmy, her face filled with concern. Jimmy looked over to her. Seeing the expression on her face, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Walking over to Kat, Una pushed by and stood next to Nicholas. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. He shook his head without looking away from the door.

"Kat, what –"

Suddenly, the door opened. Nicholas and Jackson rushed in with Una holding the door open. Kat grabbed my hand.

"Mia, I'm so glad you're not on that bus anymore."

"What happened?" Still in shock from the scene unfolding around me, I couldn't take my eyes from the door. It was like a car wreck you couldn't help but watch the aftermath of.

"All I know is that Stacia went to Una upset after leaving Christopher tonight. Then, he started destroying his room, screaming, and wouldn't let anyone in."

My attention pulled away from Kat when I heard Jackson and Nicholas pleading loudly with Christopher. As I moved closer toward the room, Kat tightened her grasp on my hand. I turned and smiled at her, reassuring her. Squeezing her hand, I pulled away from her grasp. The draw was strong, like an invisible rope linking us together. Taking a deep breath to clear my head, I found the courage to enter the room.

"Mia, no," Laney yelled from behind the crowd.

Una turned around and looked at me. Panic flooded her typically calm and collected face.

"Mia, you need to go back to your room, please."

I shook my head.

"Mia, it's not safe."

There was a loud crash. We both jumped and looked in the direction of the noise. While Una was distracted, I took my opportunity. She tried to grab my arm as I moved quickly by her.

"Mia," she hissed.

Stopping just inside the room, I took in the sight before me. The room was demolished; the TV smashed, the couch flipped over, the mirrors shattered, and holes in some of the walls. Slowly, I stepped into the bedroom. A paramedic stood next to Nicholas, both of them trying to coax a distraught and injured Christopher.

The sight of Christopher was devastating. He was sitting against an open closet door with his knees pulled to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, and his head buried.

"Christopher," Jackson whispered and moved to touch him.

"Get the fuck away. Get out!" Christopher yelled.

I flinched from Christopher's outburst, and fear set in. _What in the hell was I doing?_ The desire to flee coursed through my body, but the lure of Christopher dissipated my run instinct. Christopher slammed his head back against the door with a torn look on his face.

My heart ached for him.

"Get out! All of you!" he screamed, burying his head once more, his hands tightening on his legs.

Blood oozed from his hands. His knuckles swollen, turning a purplish-black, and cut open. Deep slashes covered the back of his hands, making them appear flayed and raw. My stomach churned at the appearance.

Jackson stumbled back and bumped into me. He quickly turned and grabbed my shoulders as I took my first step toward Chris.

"Mia, you need to get out of here," he urged.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nicholas snap his head around. Next thing I knew, Nicholas was next to Jackson, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Let her go."

"But, you don't know what he –"

Nicholas gave him a look and simply said, "Let her go, Jackson."

He let me go and moved to the side.

Looking back over to Christopher, my heart began to echo in my ears as adrenaline coursed through my body. Swallowing my fear and apprehension, I grabbed onto the invisible string tying us together and stepped forward.

"I said go away!"

I jumped when he screamed.

"Christopher," I whispered, shakily.

He raised his head and looked at me, rage burning in his eyes. Terror began to cut at me. I was wrong. I couldn't do this. He was going to launch himself at me. I shrunk back. Noticing my reaction, his rage melted into something else. Guilt.

"Christopher?" I asked, kneeling down three feet before him, trying to keep my voice calm. His expression went blank and he simply stared at me. He was lost, and something deep inside of me longed to find him.

There was movement behind me. Without breaking eye contact, I put my hand out behind me.

"Don't!" I said.

The movement stopped.

Christopher's brow furrowed and he dropped his head back onto his folded arms.

I inched my way closer, wanting to be able to reach him, but didn't say anything else. The fact that he could now reach _me_ registered with the part of me fighting for self-preservation. My instinct screamed again for me to run, but I just couldn't. Whatever this was, this feeling inside my gut calling out to me, I couldn't ignore it. Bracing myself for the possibility of an attack, I stretched out my arm. Unclenching my fist, I placed my trembling hand on the top of his head. I watched as the tension melted from his shoulders. I released a breath, relieved he didn't pummel me.

Slowly, I stood up to move closer, but he misunderstood my movement. Fumbling to his knees in front of me, he wrapped his arms around my legs and placed his head against my stomach. Instinctively, I pulled my arms up, bending them at the elbows, my hands turned palms out.

Christopher's arm stretched out. Wrapping his fingers around my wrist, he placed my hand back on his head. I brought the other hand down to join. A loud gasp slipped from my lips when he locked his arms around me, lifting me up.

"Nicholas," Jackson hissed in the background.

"Stay still," Nicholas hissed back.

Christopher moved us across the room. Afraid Jackson was going to step in and play the hero, I shot him a look telling him to stay back. Nicholas was holding Jackson in place. Relief washed through me. I had no idea what would happen if they tried to pull me away from Christopher.

Christopher laid us down on the bed and buried his face in my side. I could feel him relaxing; visibly see his muscles contracting from the prolonged stress, trying to unwind themselves.

"What the hell?" Jackson whispered.

"I don't know," Nicholas responded, sighing heavily. "But it worked, regardless."

"Nicholas," Una whispered. "What are we going to do?"

"I'm not sure yet."

The pain and stress in Nicholas' words were heart wrenching.

Lying there, with Christopher holding me like a stuffed animal, I tried to ignore the fact that everyone in the room was watching us. I knew they were analyzing everything, trying to make sense of it all. Hell, I'd been trying to figure it out since the first night.

The paramedic approached about twenty minutes later.

**  
**

Chapter Nine

Christopher

When the plane landed in Seattle, everyone started to exit. Walking down the stairs, I caught sight of Mia removing the hood of her sweatshirt and raising her face to the Seattle mist. A look of relief and relaxation painted her natural face. The little one, Laney, interrupted my musings. She ran up and dragged her off, smiling like a crazy woman.

We arrived quickly to the hotel, and I went straight up to my room, agreeing to meet the guys for dinner later. A few hours and a shower later, I was sitting in the restaurant at the hotel with the guys and some other crew members.

Someone rubbed his or her foot up my leg and toward my thigh. Looking across the table, I saw Stacia, groupie extraordinaire, smiling seductively. I gave her a cocky smirk, remembering my evident needs. As soon as the conversation dwindled down, I excused myself to my room.

After a quick stop to the restroom, I went to the elevator. Stacia was perched against the wall practically eye-fucking me. She pushed the elevator button. When the doors slid open, she fisted my shirt and pulled me in with her. She smacked the "close door" button hard and then my floor number. This time she didn't have to ask, she had apparently done her homework.

She pulled my face down to hers and ran her tongue across my lower lip before moving down to my neck. She pressed her body firmly against mine, rubbing her tits against me while subtly gyrating her hips. I leaned back against the elevator wall and grabbed her ass roughly. She moaned into the side of my neck. Swatting her ass softly, I pressed my groin into her stomach, earning me another moan of approval. The ding of the elevator broke us apart and we awkwardly made our way to my room.

As soon as I kicked the door shut behind me, Stacia was on me again, tearing at my belt buckle and pulling my shirt roughly over my head. I directed us toward my bed, my anticipation growing. I slipped my boots off, pushed my pants down, and stepped out of them. Stacia dropped to her knees immediately, taking me fully into her warm mouth. She tightened her lips around the base of my cock, hollowed her cheeks, and drew back slowly. Releasing me from her mouth, she ran her tongue along the underside of my cock, swirled it around the tip, and drove back onto me. The tip of my cock rubbing against the back of her throat had me at full attention within a couple of minutes.

She pulled back and released me with a popping sound. Standing quickly, she pushed her dress off her shoulders, letting it slide to the floor. Once she removed the remaining satin and lace, she shoved me onto the bed and crawled up my body. I reveled in the feel of her bare tits rubbing against my chest while my cock sat at her entrance.

Stacia raised herself up and settled on my hips, taking all of me into her in one, swift motion. Swiveling her hips, she grinded against me. She brought her body up and placed her hands on my shoulders. She began rocking her hips in a steady motion before lifting back up only to slam down on me again. I could feel my orgasm growing. Grabbing her hips to set the rhythm I wanted, I closed my eyes and let her do her thing. A tingling sensation started to form at the base of my spine, letting me know I was close. Out of nowhere, a white haze started to fog my brain and sucked me back into my living nightmare.

He was yelling again, berating her for reasons I didn't know. His anger was palpable; the air filled with animosity and fear.

I can feel my chest start to constrict in panic. I am lost in this world now, surrounded only by the screams, the crying.

The sharp sting registered to my cheek as he slapped me. He grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me across the floor, throwing me into the familiar dark closet. He slammed the door shut and locked me in, barricading the door. Leaving me to sit helplessly while listening to her abuse.

My body felt like it was on fire, the muscles beneath my skin drawn so tight they could snap at any moment. Small murmurs and incoherent ramblings bled from my mouth against my will.

Curling into a ball on the floor, I covered my ears to escape the sobbing, the screaming. Mommy! I need you, mommy. Please be okay. Please don't leave me, mommy. The door slowly opened and there she was, reaching for me – battered and bruised. I grasped her outstretched hand and clung to her with all I had. I couldn't lose her. She was my mommy, my everything.

Warm wetness poured from my eyes, overwhelming any ounce of control I still had left. I reached out, needing to hold on to something solid, stable. My hands found purchase on something warm and soft. I didn't know what it was and I didn't care. I just needed to become grounded.

An explosion roared through the air and all I saw was red.

Wiping my face, I looked down and saw my mother at my feet in a pool of blood. I began to sob, falling to my knees, pulling her lifeless body into my lap. "No, no, no! Mommy, you can't leave me. I love you. I love you, mommy! Don't leave me!

"Look what you did!" he screamed, pointing the gun at my head. "That was meant for you! This is your fault! You should have never happened!"

My fists clenched into the softness within my hands, gripping tightly. I couldn't let go. _I needed her. I needed her and now she's gone.  
_

"Christopher! Christopher stop!" Stacia screamed, slamming her fists against my chest, pulling me out of the nightmare.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks while she feebly attempted to pry my clenched hands off her hips. I immediately let go of her, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. My hands were starting to tremble. I clenched them into fists while trying to shake the nightmarish images from my head. She scrambled away from me.

"What's wrong with you?" she sobbed.

Her face distorted in terror and I could see the bruises starting to form on her hips. I stood to go to her, to make sure she was okay, but she flinched back.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean –" I stammered, reaching toward her.

She backed away until her back pressed against the closed door. I took one more step toward her, and her mouth opened wide.

"Don't you fucking come near me!" she screeched, putting a hand up. "Stay the fuck away!"

She yanked the door open and ran from the room. I grabbed my jeans and fumbled to slip them on as I ran after her to explain and apologize.

"Stacia, wait! I didn't mean to –"

She sobbed harder and screamed louder for help when she saw me. At the sound of her pleas for help, I stopped in my tracks. Slowly, I dropped to my knees, remembering my mother's pleas and sobs. I gripped my hair with both fists, rocking back and forth on the floor, trying to exorcize my demons. _Christ, just make it all go the fuck away!_

As I lifted myself from the floor, my eyes landed on a newspaper lying in one of the doorways. The date caught my eye. Feeling the darkness claiming me, I ran back to my room and slammed the door shut. Going through all of my things, I tried to find the pills.

Where were the damned pills?!

"Fuck!" I screamed, dropping to my knees, panic settling back into my chest.

I fucking bruised her. Those bruises were on her because of my hands. Pulling my hands to my face, I slowly rocked back and forth, images flashing through my mind like some sick and twisted home video. Emotions ripped through my body. Guilt, anger, and then rage. I stood up, pure fucking rage and adrenaline coursing through my body. I needed to release this...the fucking demon inside of me. I glanced over at the black TV screen and saw my reflection, the monster himself, glaring back at me. I cocked back and punched the screen as hard as I could. My fist shattered the outer glass. I punch it again, and again. Blood was pouring from my hand, shards of glass stuck in the skin. I didn't care, I deserved it.

I stalked into the bathroom, glaring at myself in the mirror. The red marks on my chest from Stacia's attempt to escape were raised and ugly. I continued to stare at the bloody marks, taking note of how I made her do this to me. _I deserve it. I deserve to be marred, to be ugly. To be scarred and distorted, just like the monster I am._

An animalistic scream roared from my chest. I slammed my fist into the mirror, watching as the shattered pieces cascaded around me. I studied the blood pouring from my fist, my life source flowing out of me. I felt the rage return, the battering emotions inside of me start to take over. _Deep breath in, deep breath out._

"I am not him. I will never fucking be him." I shouted into the room. _You are him. You're a monster. You hurt her and you'll hurt others. The blood is on your hands._

Blind rage set in. I stormed through the room, smashing and flipping anything in my path. Falling to the floor, I buried my head in my hands and let out a blood-curdling scream before breaking down into gut-wrenching sobs. The images started to flash through my mind again. Yanking my fists into my hair, I tried to make them go away. I heard pounding and screaming from the other side of my door, but I was lost.

The thumps grew louder and his screams were deafening. Her grasp on me tightened, shielding me, protecting me.

I rocked back and forth, waiting for the noise, waiting for the smell, waiting for my turn. To pay for what I had done.

The pounding on the door finally stopped and I saw Jackson rush toward me. He needed to go, they all needed to just go, leave me to my oblivion, leave me to my nightmares. It was my turn, my fucking turn to pay for what I've done. I shoved Jackson away roughly when he approached me. Nicholas halted his approach and tried to talk to me. I didn't want them here. _What if they become my fault too?_ I shouted for them to leave. They were stubborn, stupid, and relentless.

Fuck, just go away! Run! Please!

"Christopher, it will be alright," Nicholas tried, stepping closer.

"No it won't! It never goes away!"

He stopped.

"It's _my_ fault she's gone!" I screamed, the sobs pouring from my chest. "It's _my_ fault!"

"No, Christopher, nothing was your fault," Nicholas said, trying to get close again.

I buried my head into my knees. I didn't want to hear their reasoning, didn't want to hear them console me. I just wanted them gone, wanting to bathe in my misery, drown in my horrific actions. _They didn't know what I had done. If they did..._

"Christopher?"

Jackson? Not again. Fucking leave before it's too late.

"Get the fuck away. Get out!"

Not allowing him to touch me, I slammed my head back repeatedly, trying to get rid of the horror. Jackson's presence appeared again. A red haze blurred the outline of his body.

"Get out! All of you! I said to go away!"

Just let it be my turn. Please, let it finally end. I deserve it after what I've done.

"Christopher."

The voice was soft, feminine. It was her. I opened my eyes and stared at her, Mia, my saving grace, my guardian angel. The look on her face conveyed her terror. She was fucking scared of me. I watched as she cringed away from me, guilt forming on my face. I would never hurt her. She made it all go away, and she was here. She moved closer to me and spoke again.

"Christopher?"

Waiting for the images to come, or for her to disappear, I could only stare. It had to be a hallucination. She couldn't be here. What sane person would willingly walk into this?

"Don't!" she shouted, but her gaze didn't falter from mine.

Dropping my head in shame, I waited for the guilt and rage to surface again. She would leave if she knew what I had done, what I was. I was no better than he was.

The images started to blur as she walked closer toward me. She reached out and placed her hand on the top of my head. Relief filled me, coursed through me. My chest felt slightly lighter, no longer constricting in unbearable pain. She sighed and shifted away from me.

No, not yet! Don't go yet! Please be real.

Scrambling to my knees, I wrapped my arms around her. Reaching for her hands, I made contact with one and placed it back on my head. Her other hand joined. Calmness coursed through my body. Her body twitched, but I couldn't let her go. Knowing the bed would be easier on her than standing, I locked my arms around her waist and lifted her. She gasped as I carried her across the room.

I placed her on the bed and climbed in behind her. I need silence. I need these images to go away. I need...her. I buried my face into her side and breathed deep. The scent of her filled my nostrils and I felt lighter, the horror was gone. She made it better. Somehow, she made me better.

Just as I was about to drift off, I felt someone tug at my hand. The rage that I was trying to calm down from reared its ugly head. I started to pull away, but her hand, soft and warm, touched my face, stopping me. Drawing my head back, my eyes met her kind, dark eyes.

"It's okay, Christopher. Let him look at your hand."

Drowning in her haunting eyes, all I could do was nod.

"Okay?"

Her thumb rubbed slowly against my cheek. There was still tension in her voice. She was still afraid I would hurt her or someone else. Burying my face, I let the pulling, poking, stinging, and burning in my hands continue.

With one last sharp sting in my arm, everything silenced.

Mia

Once the paramedic gave him the shots, I waited until his breathing slowed. Running my hand through his hair one last time, I began to remove myself from him.

"Mia," Nicholas spoke in a hushed tone.

Wiggling out from Christopher's hold, I stood from the bed. I stumbled slightly when my equilibrium protested my vertical ascent, and Nicholas grabbed my arm to steady me.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Jesus, Mia," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "If anyone should be thanked, it's you."

He pulled me into a tight hug, a soft whimper escaping him. Rubbing his back lightly, I tried to comfort him.

Once Nicholas released me, I looked around and saw everyone looking at me, confusion in their eyes. Serena pulled me into a protective hug, not letting go of me.

"Nicholas –" Una broke through the silence.

"Una, I know, I'll deal with it all," Nicholas snapped.

He sat next to Christopher on the bed, placing a shaky hand on his son's arm.

"No, Nicholas," Una said, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I will get things taken care of in the hotel and see if we can move the next concert to a later date, giving you time to make a decision."

"Thank you, Una," Nicholas replied, turning to her with a look of relief and appreciation.

Tears glistened on her cheeks as she walked away, motioning for Xander to follow her. He moved quickly to her side, and they left the room in a huddle of hushed words.

"Mia?"

Using the last of my strength, I look up from Serena's shoulder. I wasn't sure what Jackson was going to say or how he was going to react. He furrowed his brow.

"Thank you," he said, leaning toward me and kissing my forehead. I just nodded slowly and buried my head back into Serena's shoulder.

"Let's get you out of here," she whispered and pulled me along with her.

After climbing into bed and spooning with me, something we hadn't done since I was very little, she spoke.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" she asked, rubbing my arm.

Shaking my head, I let exhaustion swallow my consciousness.

The next day, I woke unsure of how long I'd been asleep. Serena was still behind me, and Laney and Kat had joined us at some point. Laney was lying at the end of the bed watching TV, and Kat was in front of me. Laney turned from the show she was watching when I sat up and stretched.

"Hey there, sleepy head," she said, smiling and rubbing my foot. "You hungry?"

My stomach grumbled in agreement. Laney jumped up and left the room. Kat wrapped her arm over my shoulder. I was waiting for the questions to start, but they didn't. For that, I was thankful. I still wasn't sure what the hell happened or why I was so drawn to help him.

It should have terrified me. _He_ should terrify me, but I wasn't afraid of him. There really was no rationale behind this. Truthfully, I didn't even know where to begin explaining any of it. Moments later, Laney wheeled in a cart full of silver dome-covered dishes.

"I wasn't sure what everyone would want, so I got a bunch of different things," she said, smiling as she sat on the bed.

"We can all just pick at the food and watch horrible reality shows all day," she giggled.

A day of vegetation sounded like an amazing plan. Grabbing a plate of pancakes, I rolled one up, dipped it in syrup, and placed it in my mouth. _Mmm...heaven._ After eating all four pancakes, drinking two cups of coffee, and a large glass of orange juice, my stomach was full.

Stretching out, I took note of the time. It was after noon. The weight of their eyes followed me as I headed to the bathroom. Entering the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and decided I needed a shower.

Setting the temperature as hot as my skin could handle, I stepped into the spray. The water relieved my tense muscles. My vision started to blur from the tears welling up in my eyes. Leaning against the tile wall, I cried until there was nothing left in me.

The hotel towel was fluffy and soft as I wrapped it around my damp body. After towel drying my hair and combing through it, I went to retrieve clean clothes. Laney was waiting for me with clothes in her hand when I opened the door. Smiling, I hugged her. She left while got dressed.

I still wasn't able to process what had happened last night or any of the previous nights. Giving up on thinking through it all, I padded out to the living room. All eyes were on me when I entered the room - Una, Xander, Kat, Serena, Laney, Jackson, Jimmy, Elliott, and Nicholas.

Remaining silent, I walked to the hotel fridge. I grabbed a bottle of water and claimed a spot on the couch next to Una.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, putting her arm around me.

"Okay," I said quietly.

Even I didn't recognize my own voice. She hugged me tighter. Serena slid her arm through mine and moved closer to my side.

"You really okay?" she whispered in my ear.

Smiling small, I patted her arm to reassure her.

"Mia, I want to thank you again for your help with Christopher," Nicholas said, standing and walking to the middle of the room.

I nodded.

"I would also like to talk to you, when you're up for it, please?"

Taking a deep breath, I stood up. _When would there be a better time for this conversation?_

"Where do you want to talk?"

Nicholas looked surprised by my question.

"Mia, you don't have to do this now," Una said, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly.

"It's okay. I'm fine, really. Just tired," I reassured with a smile and gave her hand a squeeze. "Besides, I'd rather talk than be stared at like I'm some freak."

Elliott chuckled as I walked by Nicholas.

"Well?"

He gestured for me to lead and held open the hotel room door for me. Sliding on someone's flip-flops near the door, I walked out.

"How is he?" I asked, unable to look at him. Instead, I kept my head down as we walked the hallway.

"He's okay. Still drugged," he said, pausing before continuing. "My wife, Gwen, is with him."

Nodding, I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt an ache in my chest and the pull to go to him.

We walked in silence the rest of the way. When we came to the rooftop pool, I took a seat at an empty table. It was a pleasant day for Seattle. Not too cold, no rain, and even the sun peeked out from behind the clouds on occasion.

Nicholas took a deep breath and exhaled dramatically. Unease rolled off him in waves. I couldn't help but fidget while waiting for him to begin.

"I will tell you everything I know, but I assure you that the only one who can really tell you anything is Christopher. He is the only one that knows what happened that night."

Nodding in understanding, I continued to abuse my bottom lip with my teeth. Nicholas began.

"I was working in Chicago as a scout for Richard, trying to find the next big artist. While I was there, I met Margaret Mason. She was in the process of leaving her husband. We became friends, at first. After a couple of months, the relationship became physical," he confessed, his face flushed with the awkwardness of the topic.

"I, uh, left on a trip for work and when I returned, she was gone. I went to her apartment, but it was empty. I asked around to people...her neighbors, co-workers, but no one knew what happened to her. She was just gone. I tried a couple of times to find her just to make sure she was okay, but I never found anything."

"Maybe I should have tried harder. There isn't a day since Christopher arrived in my life when I haven't felt guilty for not looking harder for Margaret. Secretly, I hoped she would reappear one day, but she never did. Months later, I moved to Seattle. I never heard from her again."

I watched his face closely. He was sad, but there was a small touch of guilt lining his features.

"It was later I found out she had given me her maiden name. It was almost twelve years later when Christopher came to me. The police arrived at my door asking me questions about Chicago and Maggie. I told them everything I knew."

Nicholas shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Then, they told me about Christopher and asked if I would object to a paternity test. I, of course, agreed. After the results were in, I flew to Chicago to meet with the police, child services, and to finally meet my son."

"When I arrived they told me what they could conclude from the scene. Margaret had been killed by her husband and Colin had been found dead a few feet away from her, where it appeared Christopher had killed him."

My face dropped and my mouth was hanging open. I took a deep breath.

"Christopher killed his father? Or well, stepfather?"

Nicholas nodded.

"His father, um, stepfather tried to kill them both?"

"The police said it was determined to be self-defense."

I furrowed my brow and bit my lip. He didn't look like he believed what he was saying.

"But –"

"Mia, Christopher is the only one that really knows what happened that night, but he never spoke of it. In fact, he didn't speak at all. The doctors said it was shock from the trauma of seeing his mother's murder," Nicholas said, looking up and into my eyes.

"When the police finally arrived at the scene and were able to get into the house, Christopher was sitting on the floor holding his mother's body and rocking her."

Large, warm tears spilled over my cheeks. How could anyone make it through that, especially a small boy? I had to swallow the sobs that were building in my throat.

"I don't excuse Christopher's behavior, Mia. He knows he needs help, but he refuses. However, for some reason, you seem to help. I've never seen him like this with anyone. It usually takes drugs or other methods of sedation to calm him during a fit of rage," he said, sighing heavily. "I hadn't realized he was this bad, again. The date should have registered with me. It doesn't help matters."

He shook his head and rubbed his forehead.

"The date?" I questioned.

"Tomorrow is the anniversary of Margaret's death," he said, putting his head down. "I think it's why he snapped this time."

"This time?" I pressed.

He nodded reluctantly.

"He has had episodes in the past. There was a time when he constantly argued and fought with everyone. We were always left to clean up the messes he created with fighting and destroying hotel rooms."

"Why hasn't he gotten professional help?"

Nicholas cleared his throat.

"Gwen and I sent him to a child therapist and a grief counselor when he was younger, but he wouldn't participate. The sessions consisted of him sitting in silence for hours," he said, sucking in a ragged breath before continuing. "It was at that point when I thought he was lost forever."

His small chuckle caught me off guard and I wrinkled my brow at his reaction.

"I'm sorry. It's just that music is what brought him back."

"How so?"

"Gwen is a very accomplished pianist. She's played since she was four," he explained, smiling proudly. "It was her playing that drew Christopher back. He migrated to the music room in our house when she would play, or when she was trying to teach Jackson. Chris was a natural, a true protégé."

His smile was one of pride, but drowned in sadness.

"Both Gwen and I have tried multiple ways to get him more help; family meetings, forcing him to appointments. Hell, we even staged an intervention, but nothing worked," he said, rubbing his face roughly. "The last time he got help was over two years ago when he took too many of those damn sleeping pills he obtains behind my back. If Jackson hadn't needed to wake him up for a gig, we most likely would've lost him."

We both sat in silence awhile longer until I stood up. Nicholas stood up quickly after me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concern plaguing his handsome face.

Nodding to him, I felt the sudden urge to go back to bed.

Nicholas walked me back to my room. When I entered, it was empty. Thankful, I climbed into the hotel bed, falling asleep quickly. My dreams were far from pleasant, filled with images of a small boy covered in blood and tears as he rocked his mother like a baby.

Christopher

My eyes felt swollen and my body felt as if I had gone a few too many rounds with Mayweather. I tried to speak, but my lips wouldn't move.

"Christopher? Christopher, sweetheart?"

Gwen? Is that Gwen? Why the hell can't I see?

"Oh, Christopher, honey, open your eyes if you can hear me, please?"

I tried, but nothing worked. It was all black. _Why couldn't I open my eyes? Why didn't my body work? What the hell happened to me?_

I tried to scream, slightly panicking, but only a gurgling sound emerged from my mouth. As I fought the darkness, light began to creep in and it was blinding. Flinching back, I groaned at the sudden intrusion.

"Christopher?"

"Gwen?" I finally croaked.

"Oh, sweetheart," she sobbed.

Lifting my hand, I clenched and unclenched it. My body was once again under my command.

"Don't cry," I rasped. She grabbed my hand tightly. I groaned as a sharp pain shot up to my elbow.

"Oh, crap, I'm so sorry, honey," she apologized, releasing my hand immediately.

I tried my eyes once again. The glaring light was there, but it wasn't as intrusive as before. Squinting, I rolled my head to the right.

There she was. Her beautiful caramel-colored hair, fair skin, and signature full, red lips were peering back at me while tears slid down her cheeks.

"Please?" I asked again.

She stood closer to me and wiped her eyes. Her face shifted from sadness to anger.

"Don't you ever do that to me again," she yelled.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, not quite sure what I was apologizing for. I felt like there was a heavy, woolen blanket wrapped around my brain.

My senses were only just beginning to return. The soft beeps from machines, the coolness of the air on my skin, and the familiar scents of rubbing alcohol and freshly opened Band-Aids with a hint of flowers were in the air. As my eyes adjusted, I tried to sit up, catching a glimpse of a bouquet across the room.

"Wait, let me get the doctor," Gwen said, rushing out of the room.

Lying back on the pillows, I took in the blue and beige hospital room. Gwen returned, dragging a man in a white coat and blue scrubs into the room behind her.

"Ma'am, I think we need to call his assigned doctor," the man pleaded.

"Nonsense! You will help my son!" she scolded as a nurse rushed into the room.

"Mrs. Shaw, Dr. Cain is on his way now," the nurse said, attempting to reassure Gwen as the other doctor hurried out of the room.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little, wincing from an unknown pain in my arm. Looking down toward my hands, I noticed the bandages wrapped around them. I stared, still a little confused. Suddenly, the cotton lifted from my brain and last night came back in a rush.

"Oh shit," I exclaimed and sat up. "Stacia."

Groaning, I covered my face with my hands. The smell of new gauze invaded my nostrils. Gwen rushed to my side.

"It's okay," she consoled, hugging me and rubbing slow circles on my shoulders. "Everything is going to be okay."

I started shaking my head.

"No, no it's not." Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Gwen wiped them away, holding my face to hers.

"It will all be okay. We will get through this together, as a family."

"It's my fault," I whispered as she squeezed me tighter. "I hurt her."

She hugged me closer and pulled my head to her chest, her heartbeat thumping wildly in my ear.

"How long have I been here?"

"Just the night," she sniffed. "You'll come home with me and I will take care of you."

_Fuck, why couldn't the doctors kept me under for another day or two? I needed this anniversary to be over._ A thought halted my musings.

"Is Stacia...?" I couldn't get the rest of my question out of my mouth.

"She's okay," she said, running her hand through my hair.

My doctor eventually arrived and reluctantly released me from the hospital. Since my physical injuries were nothing more than superficial and I hadn't tried to commit suicide, he had no choice. They made sure to give me their "professional advice" and spoke to Nicholas and Gwen before I signed my release papers.

The tension-filled car ride was eased when Gwen broke the long silence.

"I think he should come home with me for a while. You can cancel the tour," she said, waving it off as if it were no big deal to cancel a major tour. Nicholas had a look of amusement on his face.

"Gwen, I don't know what we're going to do right now, but we'll talk about it," he said, looking at her briefly as she pouted.

"It is a wonderful idea though," he reassured her.

"Can you not talk about me as if I'm not here?" I exclaimed. "Look, I know I fucked up –"

"Christopher, watch your mouth," Gwen scolded.

"Sorry. I know I messed up, major, but I don't want to cancel the tour. It's not fair to everyone else," I argued.

"I don't think it's –" Gwen began, but Nicholas interrupted her.

"Christopher, I can't agree to that. How do I know you won't do this again?" he asked, looking at me with pain in his eyes.

"I won't hurt anyone," I tried to reassure them.

"What about yourself, Christopher? I'm concerned about you," Nicholas spoke sternly.

I put my head back on the seat, not knowing what to say to convince him. My mind was scrambling for something I could bargain. Finally, my mental search came through. I realized what would convince him and internally groaned. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tightened my jaw and spit it out before I came back to my senses.

"I'll do whatever you want. I'll agree to get help."

Pulling my head up, I looked at both of them. Gwen looked like she was going to cry again, and Nicholas looked as if something was stuck in his throat.

"Christopher –"

"I have some stipulations."

He eyed me with suspicion.

"And what are those?" he demanded.

"I will not be doped up all day. If they want me to take the pills to sleep, I'll do that. But, I won't take pills all day."

"And?" he asked.

I hesitated.

"A couple of things, though one is probably unlikely," I mumbled, shifting nervously in my seat and swallowing hard.

"Continue," he urged.

"I refuse to lay on a couch while some Ph.D. demands that we talk about my feelings. I will talk to someone, but I don't want some stupid ass head doctor making me lie down and discuss my 'mommy issues,'" I asserted, looking at Gwen who was scowling at me.

"Sorry for swearing," I apologized, and she let a small smile sneak up on her lips.

"And the other request?" Nicholas raised his eyebrow.

Taking a deep breath, I bit the bullet.

"Mia," I looked him straight in the eye.

**  
**

Chapter Ten

Christopher

"What about Mia?"

Nicholas sat up straighter and looked at me as if he were ready to pounce. Glancing quickly at Gwen, I noticed a small smile on her lips.

"It's not like that," I quickly corrected Gwen's unspoken assumptions.

She just nodded, her smiling turning to a smirk. Clearing my throat, I turned my attention back to Nicholas. He was still eyeing me, winding up for the attack.

"Don't let her leave the tour," I said with my eyes cast down. "I've been an asshole. And, after everything, especially after last night, I'm sure she...that Hushed Mentality is about to pull out."

"Christopher," Nicholas said. His shoulders relaxed and the tension in his jaw slackened.

I braced myself for him to tell me that it was too late.

"I don't believe they're going anywhere."

I looked up at him, watching his lips turn up in amusement.

"Mia is stronger than you give her credit for. To be quite honest, I don't think even your asshole behavior could have run that one off."

I rubbed the back of my neck and Nicholas chuckled.

"I think you have finally met your match," Gwen said, covering her mouth, trying to stifle a giggle.

"I think you're right," I breathed out.

Putting my head back onto the seat, I closed my eyes again. I thought back over the time we'd been on tour and all of the interactions with Mia on the tour bus and at the hotel.

When the car stopped in front of the studio, I was a bit surprised. I was sure he was going to take me straight to the hotel or even home.

"I'll be right back," Nicholas spoke and quickly stepped from the car.

I followed him.

"Christopher, you don't have to come in. We can head back to the hotel. I just need to check on a couple of things with Una."

"Una's here?" I asked, a little confused. Looking at my watch, I saw it was almost five.

Why the fuck did I just look at the time? Have I learned nothing by now?

I composed myself quickly before Nicholas could see any falter in my demeanor.

"Yes. The girls are recording," he explained, looking at me cautiously. Obviously, I hadn't pulled myself together as quickly as I thought.

"I want to go in."

"Christopher," said Gwen, who had gotten out of the car without me noticing, "I think it's best to wait here."

"I'm going," I asserted, walking through the entrance.

Once inside, I let Nicholas lead the way to the studio they were using. We walked in during the middle of recording.

"Hey, Christopher," Albert greeted, slapping the hand I extended to him. "These girls are good."

He nodded toward the booth where the girls were playing. Mia was singing into the microphone. It was a song I hadn't heard yet. The melody and tempo were different from anything I had heard them play so far. When I didn't answer him, he questioned me.

"Don't you think so?"

"Huh? Yeah, they're good," I agreed, taking a seat next to him as he recorded the track.

There she was, behind the glass. Her eyes were on Kat as they harmonized. Al's voice pulled my attention back to him.

"Well, since you're here, do you want Mia to record the lyrics to the song you sent to me a few days ago?"

I hesitated before I answered. _Would she want to?_

"Yeah, let's do it."

Nicholas' hand went on my shoulder.

"Christopher, don't you think we should get going to the hotel?" he asked, his grip tightening.

"If Mia is willing to record this, then I would like to be here for it," I replied, not saying what I really wanted to. _I just want to completely immerse myself into work, concentrate on the music, and distract myself from this day and its meaning._

Una leaned forward, pressed a button, and put her mouth to the microphone.

"You guys did great! Are you happy with it?"

"Yes, Definitely, Absolutely," they answered at the same time.

Una gave me a quick glance before she spoke into the mic again.

"Mia?"

Mia turned around at the sound of her name.

"Yeah?"

Her eyes were my immediate focal point. The haunting pools of dark chocolate drew me in and made my skin crackle. She was beautiful, breathtakingly so. Sure, I've noticed how attractive she is, but, before this moment, I don't think I truly realized just how beautiful she is. A new ache formed in my chest. Una's voice broke me out of my trance.

"We need to record your part for the duet with Christopher. Are you ready to do that? Are you prepared?"

Mia nodded and put a bottle of water to her lips. Her mouth puckered as she pulled the water bottle from her lips. Licking my lips and swallowing hard, my lower body awakened.

"Okay, we're going to get set up for it. Take ten," Una said, pulling away and looking directly at me. All thoughts of inappropriate ways in which to utilize a studio flew from my mind. "How are you?"

Christ, here we go again with this bullshit. _I know I did it to myself, but, fuck, people, leave it alone. I'm not going to turn psycho on you, 'nuff said._ The booth door opened and I spun in my chair.

Kat, Laney, and Serena all walked into the room with Mia not too far behind. Each one looked at me with wide eyes as they came through the door. I had prepared myself for this; the looks of pity, fear, and even anger. When Mia's eyes found mine, she smiled slightly and kept it emotionless. She said something to Una I couldn't hear and walked out the studio door. There was an urge to follow her, but I shook it off quickly.

"How are you feeling?"

I turned toward the question, seeing Laney with her legs crossed, looking at me expectantly. Both Kat and Serena stared at her as if their eyes were going to make a leap for the floor.

"Laney," Kat hissed.

"I'm okay," I responded, hesitantly.

"That's good to hear," Laney said, turning her attention to Kat who had a hand on her arm.

Kat mouthed "sorry" to me before she began hissing into Laney's ear.

"I was being polite," Laney growled quietly, but not quietly enough. I ignored them.

Mia came back and walked straight into the booth. She didn't glance in my direction once. She was probably pissed or most likely scared to death of me. She should be. If she knew what I had done, she would run for the closest door and wish me good riddance.

Isn't that what I wanted, though? Dropping my head in frustration and pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath.

"Okay, Mia, you ready?" Albert asked. His questions bringing my head back up.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she said, winking at him. A twinge of anger flashed through me.

The song started to play and she began singing. It was good, she was good, but something was off. It wasn't working out the way I wanted it.

"Stop," I spoke so suddenly, Albert snapped his head to me.

"What?" he choked out.

"Stop," I ordered, standing up. "It's not right."

"It sounds good, Christopher. She sounds great," he argued.

"It's not her. It's the arrangement; the song," I explained, hitting the mic button and killing the music. "Mia, stop for a minute."

Walking into the booth, I felt a twinge in my chest when she put a large amount of space between us. She was afraid of me. Well, that's probably for the best. I wasn't safe or good. Grabbing the paper she had, I started changing things on it. I placed it back down in front of her.

"Let's try this again," I said and smiled.

She looked at me, puzzled, before walking over to look at the paper.

"You ready?" I asked.

She nodded without looking at me. God, I wanted her to look at me.

"Al, whenever you're ready..." I said. He nodded and cued the music.

Placing the headphones over my head, I started my verse. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Mia looking at me. When she joined in, it caught me off guard. She'd started into the song sooner than I'd written.

When I glanced at her, she smiled. My verse finished and she started in on her solo. Taking her lead, I started breaking into small parts while she was singing. It came so naturally, so easily, that for the rest of the song I closed my eyes and got lost in it.

The urge to look over at her again was strong. I opened my eyes and took in her beauty. When she was like this, in her element, with her voice on display, she was more than beautiful. She glowed. With her eyes closed, she swayed to the beat, feeling the song on a deeper level. What we'd written on paper no longer mattered. We sang freely with each other and it felt amazing. When the music stopped, there was complete silence in the booth and on the other side of the glass.

I looked up through the glass to say something to Albert, but froze. Everyone was standing around Al with their mouths parted, staring at us.

Mia broke the uncomfortable silence.

"What the hell are you staring at?"

I laughed at her exclamation. She looked at me and smiled, and then looked back to them.

"Stop! You guys are creeping me out! I feel like a display at the Zoo. 'Ladies and Gentlemen, over here is our main exhibit, the monkey preforming fellatio on itself.'"

I laughed out loud, I couldn't help it. I could see everyone else laughing as well. Al's chuckle cut through the intercom. He quickly gained composure.

"That was fantastic, great, amazing! Shit, I don't know what else to say. Actually, just listen to the playback."

He started the playback. When I felt her walk by, I turned, watching her leave through the door. For the first time, I noticed something I had never seen before. She had a tattoo in the middle of her lower back. My imagination ran wild with the knowledge, but I shook off the thought quickly, focusing my attention back where it should be. On the song. He was right. It was fucking great.

When the song finished, I walked out of the booth. The girls were standing and talking with Una.

"Um...Mia," I said.

She turned and, for a moment, I was once again lost in those dark, haunting eyes. My skin crackled and my body twitched in multiple places. Clenching my bandaged fists, I used the pain to snap out of my ridiculous behavior.

"You were great. I mean, the song sounds great."

Christ, I was a bumbling idiot now. She nodded politely and turned away from me.

When I arrived back at the hotel room, Nicholas informed me Jackson would be staying with me tonight. In fact, there would always be someone staying with me from this point forward. I thought about arguing. Realizing that I would never win the battle, I acquiesced.

"Hey, bro, looks like we are shacking up tonight," Jackson teased, punching my arm lightly.

"Yep, looks like you drew the short straw," I said, forcing a smile for my babysitter.

"Christopher," Jackson said, shaking his head. "I want to be here, if you'll let me."

After the other night, I just patted his back and headed to shower. Lord knows what he'll have to deal with tonight.

Jackson was already in his adjoining room watching TV when I got out of the shower. I sat down on the edge of my bed and turned on my TV. I instantly regretted it. There was the news with the date scrolling behind the weather forecast. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Yet, another mistake. There she was, my mother, lying on the floor.

Cramming my head into my hands, I started rocking, trying to get a hold of myself. Agony, guilt, and rage cracked open inside of me and began to seep in. I swiftly got to my feet, pushed myself toward my bags, and pulled everything out; trying to find the pills the doctor gave me. My hands clasped around the brown, plastic bottle. I popped it open, swallowed a pill quickly, and buried myself in the pillows on my bed.

Jolting up screaming is not the best way for anyone to wake up. However, for the psychopath's babysitter in the next room, it is even worse. Jackson burst through the door with fear and panic all over his face.

"Christopher? Are you okay?" he asked, sitting on his knees at my bedside. He grabbed the pill bottle and looked at it.

"How many did you take?"

Slowly rocking, I tried to erase the memories from my head.

"Christopher!"

"One, Jackson! I took one like they fucking told me to!" I said, standing. I grabbed the bottle from his hands and threw it against the wall. Jackson quickly stood and backed away from me.

"They never work!" I screamed, pulling at my hair. "Christ!"

Grabbing a sweatshirt from the pile I'd created earlier, I headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Jackson demanded, hot on my heels.

"I need to clear my head. I'm not going back to sleep!" I yelled over my shoulder, sliding on my shoes.

"Christopher, the doctor said lack of sleep just makes it worse. Why don't we call –?"

"Thanks, _Doc_ , but I'm not going back to sleep. Screw that! They can find another damn pill that won't work for me tomorrow!"

Pounding my fists on the door, I leaned my head against it.

"Look, Jackson, I'm sorry. You're worried and I get it. You're doing your brotherly duty and I'm fucking it all up. I just...I need some air," I said, pulling open the door and stepping into the hall.

After passing the girl's room, about three doors down, I stopped. My body seemed to move before my head could really get into the game. I turned around and walked back. Standing in front of the door, running my hand through my hair, I lifted my hand to knock. My brain finally caught up to this brilliant plan and I chickened out, backing away until I pressed against the opposite wall.

Why? Why, why, why? What the fuck am I doing? She's asleep, she's afraid of you, and she completely ignored you when she saw you. Fuck! But, isn't that what we always did? We ignored each other all day, or, more so, hated each other all day, but she would still be there. She would be there, sleeping or not. She would stay. She had proved that more times than she should've.

Smacking the back of my head against the wall, I closed my eyes. Cringing at the thoughts and memories waiting in my head, I looked to the ceiling. _Why can't I help myself? Why can't I make it stop?_ Essentially, I knew why I couldn't. I had to live with what I'd done. These were the repercussions.

The sound of knocking pulled me from my self-deprecation.

Pushing off the wall, I lowered my eyes. It was Jackson knocking on their door. He turned to me and smiled lightly. Before I could make a move, before I could say anything, the door opened. Red stood in the doorway looking groggy and confused. She was trying to focus on Jackson when he motioned to me. Putting my head down like a five year old in trouble, she scowled at me and shut the door.

Jackson looked at me with pity. _Fuck that, I don't need his pity._

"Are you fucking crazy?" I hissed. "I'm gonna go –"

The door opened again and my words caught in my throat. There she was, squinting with massive bed-head. Not her best look, but kind of cute. Mia pulled the door all the way open, motioning for me to enter. Jackson grabbed my shoulder and shoved me toward the door.

"You're either in or you're out," Mia croaked, still half asleep. "I'm too tired."

Jackson chuckled, earning a glare from me.

Putting my head back down, I walked into the room. Jackson told her goodnight before shutting the door behind me. She brushed by me and walked into one of the bedrooms. Following, I watched as she climbed onto her bed and threw herself face down. Slowly, I walked over to the bed and stood there.

_Should I say something, thank her?_

"Either lie down or get out. You are freaking me out with the hovering," she mumbled into her pillow.

I kicked off my shoes and threw my sweatshirt on the floor next to them. Climbing into bed, I heard her breathing start to acquire a regular rhythm.

"Thank you," I said, the words barely a whisper. I rolled over facing her back.

"You're welcome," she yawned.

*****

"Christopher."

Pause.

"Christopher."

Another pause.

"Christopher!"

Hands gripped onto my shoulder and shook me roughly.

"What?" I groaned loudly.

"Can you move?"

Opening my eyes to the blaring daylight, I focused on the current scene. My chin was on her shoulder with my face buried into her neck. My arm was lying across her stomach, and my right leg was tangled with her left. She was pinned to the mattress.

"Shit, I'm sorry," I muttered, moving off her.

"No problem. You were just too heavy for me to move," she said, getting up and walking toward her bathroom.

I took notice of the small amount of clothing she was wearing. The shorts and the tank top barely covered her. Shaking off the thoughts, I rolled over, willing myself not to get a hard-on.

Mia

I knew I didn't have to let Christopher in, but what Nicholas had told me earlier was nagging at the back of my head. I couldn't, in good conscience, turn him away seeing as it was the anniversary of his mother's death. He obviously needed me and, when it came down to it, he wasn't asking for much. Moreover, left up to his own devices, what happened last night could play out once again. I couldn't take the risk, for his sanity and mine. Decided, I took a deep breath, preparing myself to play security blanket once again.

I opened the door, instantly greeted by Jackson standing on the other side. Since I was currently dressed in booty shorts and a tank top, sans bra, I was slightly embarrassed. Sucking it up, I simply extended Christopher the invitation. He finally came in, and I was just relieved to be able to go back to sleep.

Waking up this morning, I was a little foggy. Apparently, I needed more sleep than I had thought. Once my mind caught up to the situation, I felt a little uneasy. Christopher was on top of me and I was wearing next to nothing. I tried to wiggle my way out from under him. With each sway of my hips, my braless chest rubbed against his arm, jolting my nipples to full attention. In an attempt to ignore the amazing feelings it sent to my nether regions, I decided to wake him. Once he released me from his body trap, his amazingly warm and tantalizing body trap, I hauled ass to the bathroom.

After obtaining bladder relief, I wrapped up in the plush robe provided by the hotel. The evidence of my arousal was on display and I did not need to complicate things further. No matter how exciting the imagery may be. I took one last look in the mirror, reassuring myself that my lady bits were properly covered, and exited the bathroom. I stopped short. Christopher was still in bed, lying there with his eyes closed. I wasn't used to this. He was usually gone before I woke up. We didn't do the awkward morning after thing.

What the hell do I say? Do I say anything? Why is he still here? He usually takes off. Damn him! Okay, deep breaths. I'll just stick with the normal routine we've established. Ignore and evade.

Leaving the bedroom, I shut the door behind me. Laney already had breakfast sent up, so the cart was waiting. My current destination was toward the food. From the corner of my eye, I saw Serena examining my every move. I fully loaded my plate. A full mouth would be an excuse not to speak. I walked toward the couch with my full plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. Her stare was relentless and annoying.

"Jesus, what already?" I snapped.

I took a large bite. _These are really good eggs_.

"Is he still here?"

Her mom voice was in full swing as she nodded her head toward my room, accentuating the point that she was referring to Christopher and not the other men I stash in closets. My mouth was full, so I shrugged with a nod back to her. _Ha, ha, the full mouth plan was working._

"Are you ever going to explain all of this to me?" she asked, and my eyes followed her hands as she waved them around in frustration. She looked like a fish out of water. It was hilarious, but I hid my chuckle. Apparently, it was serious time.

I sighed.

"Look, there's nothing to explain."

Pausing, I took a drink of OJ.

"You were there the other night," I reminded, shoveling another forkful into my mouth.

"I guess, but I don't understand," she said with a shrug.

I swallowed the bite in my mouth.

"Well, when you figure it out, you let me know. I have no idea how to begin to understand it," I admitted, shaking my head.

"Oh, Jesus, you both are clueless," Laney said, plopping herself down between Serena and me. I grabbed my plate and steadied it from the bouncing motion.

"Then fill us in, oh wise Laney," Serena's voice exaggerated as I mock bowed.

"Just for that, nope!" she said, trying to pretend she was mad. Her creeping smile gave her away.

"Just say it already," Serena urged, sipping her coffee.

"Seriously, you don't get it?" Laney asked. A look of disbelief present and accounted for as she bobbed her head between the two of us. Satisfied that we had no clue, she shook her head and snorted. "Unreal."

"Christ, Laney, just spit it out," Serena yelled and smacked her in the arm.

"Well –" as she started to share her wisdom, my bedroom door opened.

All of our heads jerked to the opening door. I quickly looked back to my plate and shoveled in another bite. Laney and Serena kept their eyes on the door. Christopher appeared. In my peripheral vision, I saw him freeze in the doorway. I kept eating.

Ignore and evade. Ignore and evade.

"Um...good morning," Laney said with a small wave and a smile. Serena turned to her with a crinkled expression on her face, clearly informing Laney that she had lost her mind. I almost spat my food out on them.

Another bedroom door opened and Kat groggily walked out. As soon as she saw Christopher, she stopped and then shot a look to us. She shook her head and headed for the breakfast cart.

"Help yourself," Laney extended a breakfast invitation to Christopher.

I shifted a sideways glance at him. He still stood by the bedroom door, rubbing the back of his head in an attempt to tame his sweet bedhead. He just shook his head and walked to the door, exiting the hotel room like it was on fire. Dropping my eyes back to my plate, I felt that all eyes were on me.

"What?" I groaned loudly. I knew I was in for the badgering of a lifetime.

"You need to put a stop to this," Serena said, placing her coffee on the table in front of us.

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me! Is this what was going on the whole time you were on the bus with him?"

"Have you slept together?" Laney demanded, smiling.

"As in sex, not sleep," she explained before I had the chance to make a smart-ass remark.

"No," I groaned.

"Will you two back the hell up off of her?" Kat asked, joining in as she sat at the far end of the couch.

Serena ignored her.

"Look, Mia, I love you, but this is ridiculous. You can't fix him."

"Who said I was trying to?" I shouted, getting up from the couch. "You know, I didn't ask your opinion about any of this, and you sure as hell weren't complaining about him when you voted me onto that bus."

The low blow wasn't completely fair, but it was true. I didn't ask for any of this. This...situation wasn't my doing. I could see the craziness of the whole thing, understood where they were coming from, but I couldn't just walk away. _Could I? Fact was, if I was being honest, I couldn't just walk away and it scared me._

Christopher

Running away was a chicken shit move, but I had to get out of there. We didn't do the morning after deal. Plus, with everyone's eyes on me, I knew questions were going to start erupting. Stay and have an adult discussion? Apparently, that wasn't my style.

Nicholas and Jackson sat in the living room drinking coffee when I entered my room. By the look on both of their faces, I'd interrupted another conversation this morning. A conversation I'm sure was also about me. _Who's the fuck up of the town? This guy._

"Good morning, Christopher," Nicholas spoke over his coffee cup.

I nodded and went to my room. Quiet footsteps followed behind me. I turned around.

"Son, Jackson was telling me about last night," he said, pausing to search my face. "Do you want to talk? Is there something we can do to –?"

"I'm fine," I growled and turned back around to my bed.

"You call this fine?"

I looked to see him pointing toward the bottle and pills scattered across the floor.

"It was a bad night and I tried those," I said, waving my hand toward the pills. I roughly sat down on the bed, huffing in irritation. "They didn't help. As usual, I might add."

"You need to talk to someone, Christopher. You need to tell them everything, release all of the pent up memories. You need to get help," Nicholas insisted, sitting next to me. "You made this deal in order to stay on the tour, remember?"

"I know, I know," I sighed heavily. "What do you have in mind?"

"I have a few grief and post traumatic counselors I think you should talk to. See if you are comfortable with them, then we'll go from there. Okay?" he asked, placing a comforting pat on my back.

"Fine," I growled and went to shower.

**  
**

Chapter Eleven

Mia

Barely surviving the questions following Christopher's departure, I finally got my reprieve when we left for the studio. Una scheduled a couple more hours for us and I couldn't wait. The day was warm and sun-filled, instantly improving my mood. Al, who was sitting at his mixing table, greeted us instantly as we walked through the door.

"Good morning, ladies!"

"Good morning," we responded in unison.

"You ready for us?" I asked, sitting next to him and bumping his shoulder.

"Sure am. Get your pretty asses in there and let's make some beautiful music," he said with a large smile.

Una arrived with Xander in tow an hour after we'd started. She was on her phone from the moment she walked in until we walked out of the booth.

Her eyes landed on us and she motioned for us to sit around her while she finished her call. We sat down as she hung up. Turning to us with excitement glinting in her eyes, she smiled widely.

"Okay, we'll be leaving Seattle in two days for Dallas. We rescheduled the Chicago concert for a later date, but it will be made up."

The excitement of getting back on tour was short-lived when a thought occurred to me.

"Um, Una?"

"Yes?" she asked, looking up from her blackberry.

"The song is finished, correct?"

She nodded.

"So...I can go back on our bus, right?"

She nodded again.

"Okay, thanks."

Her answer should have made me relieved, which I was, but I was also disappointed. I was used to Christopher, was used to sleeping next to him. Although it wasn't a need, he became my regular even in the short amount of time we were actually together. I know it's odd, especially with the circumstances and lack of communication between us, but it felt right, normal even. I also worried, worried about his condition and how he would fare without me. Xander interrupted my moment of admittance by rushing us from the studio to the car waiting to take us back to the hotel. Once in our room, everyone showered and changed for dinner.

"I say, that since this is the last night without a concert the next day, we should go out and get our party on!" Laney suggested, gyrating her hips and giggling.

Laughing, I shook my head.

"I second that motion," Kat agreed, entering the room in all her badass glory while mimicking Laney's gyrations.

Serena smiled with a nod and I just shrugged. "Okay."

We left to meet Una downstairs and ran into Nicholas and The Forgotten in the lobby. My skin tingled with nervousness. The idea of going to dinner with them was making my stomach flip.

"Good evening, ladies."

We all greeted Nicholas with a smile. I immediately noticed Christopher standing in the back of the group. I tried to avoid it, but I could feel him in the room; like a mass of electric energy pulling me toward it, beckoning me to its power. I mentally scolded myself for being weak, straightened my shoulders, and went into full avoidance mode.

Una arrived, looking casual gorgeous.

"Are we ready to go?"

"You know what, Una?" Laney said, grabbing her by the arm.

"What, Laney?" she answered with a nervous smile.

"I think you should come out with us tonight and unwind," Laney said, smiling brightly and batting her eyes at Una, who was already shaking her head. I ran up, grabbing her by the other arm.

"You know, I think Lane is right," I said, smiling and tilting my head in her direction.

"Sorry girls, but I need my sleep," Una continued, shaking her head. "We have a lot to –"

"Well, it looks like we're just going to have to kidnap you then. Come on, girl, you need to let loose. You're like a ball of stress asking to be unwound," Kat interrupted.

Turning my head to Kat, I saw her wink. Looking back to Una, I had to laugh at the scared look on her face.

The Forgotten did end up at dinner with us. I sat between Jackson and Una. Christopher seemed to sit as far from me as possible. His behavior was annoying me. _Hypocrite much? I really need to get my shit together._

I spent most of dinner talking to Jackson. Turns out, we have a ton in common. We shared the same taste in music, enjoyed many of the same movies, and his personality was killer. I started to feel connected and bonded to Jackson, as if I'd known him for years. Not romantically, he just felt like a long lost brother.

After dinner, Nicholas excused himself back to the hotel, and Una tried to do the same. Laney and Kat got to her before she could slip away. Each of them grabbing an arm, they pulled her to the car.

"I am not going out," Una protested and tried to pull away.

I shoved her into the car and then climbed in behind her.

"It looks to me, like you are."

Serena laughed and climbed into the car behind me.

Turning back to the door, I watched Elliott climb inside the car. He pulled Serena onto his lap, much to her faked annoyance. My laugh was cut short when Jackson climbed in and pulled me onto his lap. Laney sat on Una's lap and wrapped an arm around her, giggling. Jimmy leaned in the door.

"Kat?" he asked, his brow rising.

She lifted up, and Jimmy slid under her. I was just about to comment on the filled car when Elliott yelled, "Come on, fucker, get in!"

My eyes snapped to the door. There was only one person left and he hesitated before leaning in.

"There is nowhere to sit, idiot. I'm just going to head back to the hotel," he said and stood back up.

"Christ, Christopher, just get in the fucking car, we'll make room," Jackson said, reaching out and pulling his arm.

"Alright, asshole. Elliott shove over," Christopher yelled back before climbing in, butting arms with Elliott.

Heat burned my face with the weight of Christopher's eyes on me. I looked up to confirm. Sure enough, there was the scowl of hatred across his face. I turned my eyes away and shifted in Jackson's lap.

"Jesus, Mia, your ass is boney," he said, readjusting my sitting position. Everyone started to laugh except for Christopher. I let out a slight chuckle still feeling slightly unnerved from the weight of his eyes on me.

Finally pulling up to club, we each stepped out one by one, looking like the clown car to put all others to shame. Kat and I latched onto Una before she could hightail it back to the hotel. Running in heels could be fatal. We were really just looking out for her health. Pulling her into the club, we were greeted by a ton of sweating bodies packed together and moving against each other. The music was loud, and lights flashed around the room.

Finally situated at a private table, we pulled Una out to the dance floor. Making sure to circle her so she wouldn't make a break for the door. Eventually, she loosened up and started having fun.

Elliott and Jimmy appeared and started dancing with us. Elliott was all over Serena, Jimmy was on Kat, and I was goofing around with Laney and Una. Jackson appeared and started dancing with Una, which made her blush. When Una excused herself to get a drink, Laney and I surrounded Jackson.

Sweaty, slightly intoxicated, and earning enough ass grabs to fulfill a five year quota, we decided it was time to head back to the hotel. Once we hit the doors, Elliott had the brilliant idea to race Jackson. He had Serena riding piggyback and Jackson pulled me up into the same position. Elliott won and wasn't shy about rubbing it in. There were a couple of _Rocky_ poses and _Loser_ calls.

When the elevator doors slid open, we separated to our own rooms. My first stop was the shower, in desperate need to wash the sweat and the club smell from my skin. Walking back into my room, I heard a knock at my door. Already knowing who it was, I opened the door and hesitantly motioned him to enter. He walked over and sat on the bed before I climbed under my blanket and settled in.

All night he'd scowled at me and treated me as if I had the plague. Now, he shows up and just expects me to be welcoming. _Well, why would he expect differently? It's what I just did. Welcomed him in a-freaking-gain._

Guilt began to eat at my anger. It would be different if we were friends. You know, if it was Laney or Kat I would never care. But, quite honestly, we didn't get along, didn't speak, and never acknowledge each other. He just expects me to let him climb in bed with me each night. I fell asleep wondering what he was going to do when we got back on tour.

There was nothing new about the following morning. Christopher was gone and I had my bed to myself. With one large exhale, I rolled out of bed.

We spent the early afternoon at the studio and the rest of the day getting ready to leave. Tomorrow we would fly to Dallas where the tour buses would be waiting after the concert. I wasn't looking forward to the flight, but getting back on stage was worth it.

Landing in Dallas, we went straight to the hotel. Our arrival was expected and a crowd had formed out front. Once we made it through the crowd of reporters and fans, we went up to our rooms. We decided to eat in the hotel restaurant in order to avoid the craziness waiting for us back in the lobby.

When dinner was over, Laney, Kat, Xander, Serena, and I congregated at the bar. We had a portion of the bar to ourselves and confiscated a pool table. The guys showed up after we'd been playing for a few hours. Everyone hung out drinking beers and shooting pool.

I wasn't exactly an expert pool player and neither was Laney. Jackson showed Laney and me some pool tricks to improve our game. Elliott was sulking because Serena was ridiculously good and kicking his ass. Jimmy and Kat spent most of their time sitting at a table with Christopher, watching.

Slowly, everyone drifted off for the night. I ended up sitting at the bar discussing music and books with Jackson. It was one in the morning when I decided to call it a night. Jackson walked with me.

We continued debating the best songs of all time on the elevator and the walk down the hallway to our rooms.

"How can you even validate _I Want You to Want Me_ as a classic?" Jackson asked, exacerbated at my admission.

"Oh, my, God! How can you not give credit to a song that could even get you laid if you sang it to a girl?" I demanded, giggling loudly.

"I'm hurt, Ryder, seriously hurt."

He feigned insult and winked. We arrived at my door first. Jackson and Christopher were sharing a room further down.

"Um...well, thanks for an enlightening night," he said and smiled. "But, I still cannot support your music choice."

"Yeah, you too," I said and poked him in the arm. We stood there for a moment. It was awkward and uncomfortable, reminding me of the ending of a first date rather than friends gabbing it up. I really hoped he didn't think I wanted more than friendship.

"Well, goodnight," he finally said and he leaned over me.

I froze. _How was I going to handle this? Dammit! I was going to ruin a friendship that just started._

He reached his arms around my shoulders and hugged me. I visibly relaxed, saying a small goodbye before going into the room. As I entered the living room of the suite, Laney caught my attention. She was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Hey, you," I said, smiling.

She turned her head and I immediately noticed that something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting down next to her.

"It's, uh, nothing really," she mumbled, shrugging lightly.

It was something. Laney didn't stammer unless it was something. I gave her a look, letting her know I wasn't buying into her lies.

She faltered, realizing I wasn't going to let this go. "Okay. Well, it's just...don't get mad, okay?"

I nodded.

"Are you and Jackson, um...you know?"

She looked up at me through her lashes and bit her bottom lip.

"What? No," I denied, shaking my head. "Laney, what would make you think that?"

"Well, you guys seem to have gotten close and...I guess I just didn't realize you were such good friends," she said with a shrug.

"Lane, it's not like that. We're just friends," I assured, wrapping her in a hug. "Okay?"

She nodded and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"What?" I questioned. "Don't you believe me?"

"Oh no, I believe you, but I think he has a thing for you."

She looked really tore up. I didn't know what to say. I didn't feel like that was the case but I couldn't necessarily speak for him either. Reassuring her became a bit difficult.

"I highly doubt that. Trust me," I said, hugging her again. "Come on. Let's get some sleep."

She nodded before heading to her room. Smiling, she said, "Goodnight." I could still tell that she was unsettled. Her smile didn't reach her eyes and seemed forced.

Feeling like shit, I climbed into my bed. My conversation with Laney was still plaguing my conscience. I buried my head in my pillows just as he knocked. I got up from my bed and trudged to the door.

When I opened the door, something seemed off. Christopher's face looked irritated, maybe even pissed off. I motioned him in and he hesitated. It seemed like he was going to say something, but instead he stalked into my bedroom.

When I entered the room, he was sitting at the foot of the bed. His shoes and zip up hoodie were still on, which was odd. I walked by him to get back into bed when the sound of his voice made me jump.

"Where were _you_ at?"

"What?" I asked, completely turning myself to look at him.

"You heard me," he said with a shrug.

"Where was I?"

_What the fuck? Who was he to come in here demanding me to answer for my whereabouts?_ I was still in a shitty mood because of how Laney felt, and now he was asking me about something that wasn't any of his business fucking business? I felt my face turn a slight shade of red as anger rose from within me.

"Nevermind," he spat. "Clearly you're going to avoid the question, just like everything else."

_That was fucking it!_ The anger rolled through my body, consuming me. My skin flushed hot and my ears start to burn.

"Excuse me?" I snapped, my hands immediately going to my hips. "Are you seriously sitting here questioning me about my whereabouts, like I have to fucking answer to you? Getting shitty with me about avoiding things? What about you, you fucking asshole!"

Throwing my hands in the air, I stormed into the bathroom. I needed a second to breathe or I was going to blow a gasket.

"Jesus Christ, just answer me. It wasn't a hard fucking question," he growled, following me.

I stomped back toward him, stopping about three feet in front of him. His eyes were piercing mine, and the urge to hit someone had never been so strong before. My hands balled into fists at my sides. I was pissed. PISSED. _How fucking dare he!_ Problem was, I didn't know if I was more mad at him or myself for allowing him to have this much of an affect over me. Any type of calming technique I had going on flew out the window.

"You know where I was!" I shouted. "I was downstairs with everyone else. You were there, hypocrite!"

"I'm a hypocrite?" he yelled back.

"Yes, you're a fucking hypocrite!" I spat and shoved his chest.

"Fuck you!" he shouted.

"No, Christopher! Fuck you!" I screamed, marching to my bedroom door and swinging it open. "Get out!"

"What?" he choked on his words. His anger morphed into anxiety. Too bad he had pushed me to the point where I no longer cared.

"You heard me. Get the fuck out! I'm so tired of this bullshit!" I said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "You treat me like shit from the moment you meet me. For the past couple of months you are the biggest asshole on the earth. And, then, I end up being used like a security blanket for _your_ issues!"

Anger hardened his face. His piercing blue eyes darkened and narrowed on me. My own anger rose up, swallowing my small twinge of fear.

"You avoid me like the plague unless you want to criticize me or be a jerk, but you expect my door and my bed to be open to you whenever the fuck you decide to knock. Well, guess what, Christopher? This fucking arrangement is over! You don't fucking own me, we are not a couple, and I'm fucking tired of being your cuddle buddy while you treat me like scum. Get. Out."

"Fine," he ground out through his clenched teeth.

"Fine!"

My words met his back as he stormed out. When the room door shut, I collapsed to my knees and buried my head in my hands. The hot, angry tears dampened my skin. _What just happened? What was he going to do? No! No, no, no! I don't care. Not my issue, not my fucking problem._ Pulling my palms from my face, I used the back of my hand to wipe the tears away.

"Mia," Laney said, forcing me to look up. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Lane," defeat and exhaustion prevalent in my voice, "It's fine. I've just...I've had enough."

She nodded and wrapped me in a hug. Burying my face in her shoulder, I released one last frustrated sob.

"Falling stars aren't always meant to be caught, you know?"

Sniffing, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and looked up from her shoulder.

"What are you talking about?"

She shrugged and tilted her head a little.

"You know, falling stars?"

"I know what a falling star is, yes. But, I don't understand why you are talking about them."

She had completely confused me now. Had she lost her mind since I last spoke to her?

"Well, a falling star can also be called a shooting star. Regardless, I've always thought they were beautiful to watch at night. And, maybe one day, I would catch one," she said, smiling at me with a gleam in her eye.

I wrinkled my brow in confusion. "I don't –"

"A falling star is actually on fire as it enters the atmosphere. So, if I were to try to catch one, I'm pretty sure there would be some pain involved. Though, I suppose some pain would be worth it to find something so rare."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

She was adding to my frustration. I didn't have time for her riddles.

"Mia, you're trying to catch a falling star."

My mouth opened, but I couldn't even think of what to say. I stared at Laney's face for I don't know how long. We eventually moved from the floor to my bed, though I'm not sure how or when.

That night I slept with Laney in my bed, instead of Christopher. It was odd and it irritated the hell out of me to admit it, but I missed his presence.

Christopher

Watching her and my brother all night was disgusting. She was throwing herself at him every chance she got. Sitting next to him in the restaurant, grabbing a convenient seat on his lap in the car, and grinding against him at the club. Now, watching them down at the bar was nauseating. My stomach was in knots, and I felt the urge to tear them away from one another. They were putting on a desperate display.

So, I called her out after watching them say goodnight to each other. What does she do? She kicked me out. She fucking kicked me out! God, I hate that bitch! She called me a fucking hypocrite! Screw her! I slammed the hotel room door, causing Jackson's head to jerk up.

"Hey man, you okay?" he inquired, confusion in his voice.

"Yep. Why wouldn't I be?" I spat out with sarcasm. _Idiot!_

"You don't seem okay and –"

"And what, Jackson?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest.

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well...um...you usually don't sleep here," he said, shrugging. His words sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Don't worry. Her bed is open if you want to join her."

I stalked off to my room. Could he be more obvious? Christ, it's disgusting.

"What the--" I heard him say as he caught up to me, stopping my door before it shut in his face. "What the hell are you talking about?"

My door swung back to the open position.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

Stripping down to my boxers, I went to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and pulled out the pill bottle. I shook two pills into my hand and threw them into my mouth, hoping they may eventually work. Jackson was waiting for me when I returned from the bathroom.

"What do you want?" I grumbled.

"I want to know what the fuck your problem is," he said, shaking his head. "Seriously, Christopher, what the hell is all this really about?"

"Nothing," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "Now, if you don't mind, I have some meds that will be putting me into a comatose state in about twenty minutes and lasting for about two hours."

I waved him off, just wanting him to leave.

"Whatever, Christopher. You seriously need to get your shit straight," Jackson said, walking out and slamming my door behind him.

Lying down, I covered my face with a pillow and screamed. Then I waited for the pills to take me under, hoping I would make it through the night.

"Nnnooooo!!"

I shot up, screaming. Jackson beat his record and was in my room in less than three seconds. I panted with my head in my hands, my tears mixing with the sweat on my palms.

"Christopher?" Jackson's voice came from across the room.

"I'm fine," I clipped out, unable to ease the tension in my jaw.

"Another nightmare?"

I nodded.

"Do you need anything? Do you want me to get –?"

"No!" I shouted, but then had to swallow the sobs lodged in my throat.

"Christopher, just let me go get –"

"Damn it, Jackson. No!" I yelled, throwing my fists down onto the bed.

"Christopher, what happened?"

He moved closer to me.

"Nothing," I groaned, annoyed. "She's just had enough of my psychotic behavior."

I threw myself back onto my pillows. The bed dipped where Jackson sat down.

"Are you ready to talk yet?"

"About what?" I growled.

"Any of it. All of it. Hell, you know," he said, his voice getting lower.

"She kicked me out tonight," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Why? What did you do?"

"Me? It was her. She's a bitch."

"Are you serious?" Jackson asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

"Yes!" I spat out.

"Holy shit," he exclaimed.

Leaning up on my elbows, I looked at him.

"You are unbelievable! She puts up with your shit. I mean, your asshole attitude, by the way. Then sticks around to comfort you when you need it, but she's a bitch? You're unreal, man."

"Look, I'm not trying to put your girlfriend down or anything –" I started, but was cut off by his hysterical laughter. "What?"

If this asshole was laughing at me, I was going to tackle his seven-foot ass to the ground. Giants go down hard.

"What are you laughing at?" I demanded, sitting up further, leaning on my palms.

"Oh, my God!" he laughed. "You think Mia and me..."

He continued to laugh at me. Once he caught his breath, he continued, "Fuck me, you're jealous! Aren't you?"

"Of what?" I spat.

"You are so pissed at the possibility of her and me that you fucking caused all of this, didn't you?" he asked, starting to laugh again.

"What? No," I denied, laying back down in bed. "You're crazy. Get the hell out!" _Why the hell would I be jealous?_

"Oh God, this is too funny!" Jackson said, standing and starting toward the door, laughing.

He got to the door and then leaned back in.

"By the way, Christopher, you are so off base. Mia and I are just friends."

Then he smirked and walked out. I heard him laughing all the way to his room.

"Fuck you, Jackson," I shouted and reached for the TV remote.

Flipping on the TV, knowing I would never be able to get back to sleep, I found Nick at Night. It was a familiar channel from my late nights, but I couldn't concentrate. Jackson's words wouldn't leave my mind: "you're jealous", "you are so off base", "just friends".

I was not jealous. I couldn't care less if she was with someone. It was about her throwing herself at him. It was disgusting. I'd almost convinced myself when my mind started to wander.

Was she with someone? I never noticed anyone before, but I had found time for Stacia and Jess...wait, was she like me with the no strings hookups?

Quickly killing those thoughts, I tried to focus on the TV. Unfortunately, my concentration on anything aside from her was shit. I couldn't turn it off. Deciding that a shower would clear my head, I got up and headed to the bathroom. I turned the water on to as hot as I could stand and tried to clear my head, focusing on the steady stream pounding against my back.

Once I was dressed, I decided to get out of the room and walk around. I glanced at the clock on the way out. It was almost seven thirty.

On my way toward the indoor pool area, I decided coffee would probably be better. I then turned toward the restaurant. Of course, my server had to be a fan, droning on and on about being how great The Forgotten is. Quickly excusing myself, I found my way to the fitness center figuring it was the best way to blow off steam.

Music was blaring loudly, along with some laughter. Peeking in, I saw they had a rather large fitness center. The first room was full of workout machines. The second room was a large glass room currently full of people, mostly women.

I recognized Kat and Laney first. After another few moments, I saw Jessica, Sara, and Mia. She looked like she wanted to go back to bed. The wall seemed to be the only thing holding her up. I sat down on one of the machines giving me a clear view into the room.

The instructor entered and Laney grabbed her arm, yanking her out to line up. Mia yawned largely and stretched her arms above her head. Kat pulled on the fabric of Mia's oversized sweatshirt.

Wait, is that my sweatshirt?

Mia shook her head, but then Kat stood with her hands on her hips in a stare down until Mia gave in to her demand. She pulled the sweatshirt off, tossing it over to the side of the room. Mia gave her a look that read 'happy now?' My eyes drifted over her body.

_Is that even considered clothing? She's practically naked._ An unwelcome internal debate began. The urge to rush into the glass room and wrap the sweatshirt back around her vied with the desire to see more of her. My battle died when the instructor began and the girls followed along. Laney and Kat were trying their hardest while Mia, on the other hand, was goofing off.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

I snapped my head around to see Elliott smiling at me widely.

"Couldn't sleep," I mumbled, quickly laying back on the machine and starting to bench press.

I don't need to catch shit for peeping. Lord knows what other crazy ideas Jackson would come up with if he found out.

"Do you work out every morning?" I asked.

Dumb question. I lived with him, for God's sake. I knew he didn't work out every morning, even though he did work hard to keep his large build.

"Hell no," he laughed and eyed me curiously before he continued, sitting on the machine next to me. "I come when I can roll my ass out of bed. Ahhh...damn!"

"What?" I asked, sitting up to look at him. Elliott wore a huge smile. I followed his gaze. He'd caught sight of the glass room full of women just as I had.

"How can you even work out when you have all of that right there for your viewing pleasure?" he queried, reaching over and lightly punching my arm. "I mean, look at all the half-dressed ass in there."

"I dunno," I said, shrugging and lying back down. _What are my chances he won't notice the girls?_

"Oh, fuck me. The girls are in there," he sighed heavily. "I shouldn't be allowed to watch them do this. It puts very bad images in my head."

I sat up again.

"Then don't watch."

"Are you insane?" he asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "How can you not watch?"

He pointed to the room and, sure enough, they were bent over, asses up. I was going to respond, but then Mia wiggled her ass at Sara, causing her to burst into laughter. My lower body woke up and began to stir. Apparently, I need to get laid.

"See what I mean? You're sucked in, too," he chuckled, leaning forward, elbows to knees. "I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get Serena into bed. It will happen. But, I have to admit, Mia's ass is superb."

He hummed a little. I glared. The urge to slap him in the head for his comment was almost uncontrollable. After our unproductive workout, we went back upstairs. I showered once again and got dressed for the day.

When I walked into the living room, Jackson sat lounging on the couch. He looked at me and smirked. Then he sat up and leaned forward so his elbows were on his knees. I sat down in a nearby chair.

"You ready for tonight?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. It'll be good to get back on stage," I said as I scrolled through emails and text messages on my cell.

"So..." Jackson spoke.

"So, what?" I asked, refusing to look up at him.

He started to chuckle. "Nothing, I guess."

I was about to tell him to fucking drop it, but our door opened and Nicholas entered.

"Ready?" he asked, motioning for us to go out the door.

"Christopher?"

Looking to Nicholas, I stopped walking. "I think we need to discuss your meetings."

"What meetings?"

"Your meetings," Nicholas said sternly.

"Ah...okay," I said with a shrug.

"I have two people I want you to meet this afternoon before you come to the concert," he said, continuing before I could interrupt. "One is already downstairs waiting, and the other is coming in about an hour. Once you're finished, you can head over." He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Fine," I sighed, not looking forward to this.

"Try to be nice," Nicholas quipped as the elevator doors sealed shut. "Gwen put a lot of effort and research into these two doctors."

I didn't reply. There was no point. I just had to put my game face on and get through it.

Once the elevator arrived at the lobby, Nicholas led me into the meeting room and left me with a small, balding man who stood as I entered.

"Hello, Christopher. I am Dr. Schultz."

He put his hand out and I shook it. He gestured for me to take a seat. "I would like the have a basic conversation with you, discuss what you want to accomplish from these sessions. Okay?"

"Sure, whatever." Shrugging, I slouched down into my seat. Pulling out my phone, I restarted where I had left off with my emails.

"So, what is it you would like to do and see from the sessions?" he asked while crossing his legs.

"I would like to not have nightmares and be able to sleep. Can you make that happen?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.

"I would like to try," he answered.

I rolled my eyes. They always say that. For the next hour, I sat there pretending to listen to him go on and on about how much he wanted to help me, what methods he thought may work, blah, blah, blah. By the time I had to meet with the second head-doctor, I was ready to slit my wrists.

Keeping my slouched position, I sent a text to Nicholas telling him that Dr. Schmuck was a big N-O. The door to the room suddenly opened and in walked a man around Nicholas' age who had dark brown hair and was slightly overweight.

"Christopher?" he asked, nodding to me.

"Yep," I confirmed, not moving from my position. I returned to the tasks on my phone.

"It's good to meet you. I'm Dr. Jenkins, but you can call me Dr. J," he said. He smiled and held out his hand. I shook it without moving from my seat. He sat down across from me.

"So, are you tired of meeting with different doctors yet?" he chuckled.

"Understatement. I've met with one and feel like slamming my head into that wall over there," I sighed.

"Maybe that was his treatment plan all along," Dr. J chuckled. "Alright, well, what am I here for?"

I looked up at his question.

"What?"

"Why am I here? You don't look as if anything is wrong. So, you tell me," he said, sitting back and crossing his legs.

"Umm....I think you're supposed to start with the 'I really want to help you' bullshit? Perhaps, you need to go back to shrink school. You're starting this interview all wrong."

"While I'm sure most people want to help, I'm not sure I can. Not if you can't tell me why I'm here," he said, keeping a straight face and shrugging.

I spent the next hour talking to him and realized I was impressed. He wasn't too bad. His approach was a relief. Instead of sputtering off some lame bullshit about what was wrong with me or how he could fix me, he let me take the lead. I liked that. After leaving, I sent another text to Nicholas telling him that Dr. J would work.
Chapter Twelve

Christopher

"How'd the concert go last night?" Dr. J asked, sitting down in my room.

"Good," I groaned.

We'd gotten back from the arena even later than usual and, without Mia, sleep doesn't come easily. I was still tired and hated having to get up this early to meet with Dr. J.

"Just good?" he chuckled. "From what I heard in the lobby this morning, it was better than good. You had fans camped out down there."

He smiled and sat back in the couch. "They seemed to have given the hotel staff some problems."

I shrugged.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked, leaning forward.

I shrugged again.

"Okay, how about I get some history directly from you. Is that okay?"

"Sure," I agreed, standing to get coffee – sure, I would need it.

"Let's start with the basics, shall we? You grew up with your mother and father correct?"

I took a deep breath, exhaling harshly through my nose.

"Stepfather," I gritted out. His crazed eyes and red, flushed face from that night flashed to mind, causing my fists to clench at my sides.

"Okay, stepfather," Dr. J commented, closely observing my reactions. "Let's move up to recent events."

He waited until I sat back in the large chair again.

"Tell me about a few nights ago when you trashed your hotel room."

After sipping my coffee, I put my head back on the chair with my eyes closed. Revisiting these things was never good.

"I had...I mean...I was..."

"Christopher, I know this is hard, but in order to do any good you have to want to tell me about it. I assure you, it's not going any further than this room right here. This is just you and me," Dr. J promised, lacing his fingers together.

It was difficult and complicated. How could he understand? Where the fuck did I start?

"Okay, let me try this. I'm going to ask some questions and you just answer me the best you can," Dr. J requested as he stood up and started pacing the room.

I waited.

"The night that you acted out was because of a nightmare?" he ventured, stopping to watch my reaction.

"No, not really."

"Was it a memory?"

"Sort of."

"Hmmm...sort of?" he asked, pausing. "Was there something that set off the memory?"

I sat my coffee down on the table in front of me and ran both hands through my hair – frustrated.

"It was the date. It was getting closer to...you know."

"No, Christopher, I don't. Tell me what it was close to," he replied, sitting back down and looking at me.

"Her death."

My hands tightened at the roots of my hair as I focused my eyes on the floor, attempting to stay rational.

"Your mother?" he spoke quietly.

Silently, I nodded.

"It's okay, Christopher. You didn't do anything wrong."

I looked at him confused.

"I hurt the girl I was with. I trashed a hotel room, and I almost attacked Jackson and my da...Nicholas! How's that not doing anything wrong?"

The ridiculous dismissal of what I'd done angered me. He had no idea what I was capable of, or what was deep inside me.

"You went through a traumatic experience and you have never had anyone help you deal with it. What you did wasn't something wrong, but something that happened as a result of your anguish," he said, looking me straight in the eye. "Tell me more about your mother, Christopher."

I hesitated, trying to figure this guy out before telling him memories of my mother and me. Taking a deep breath, I started with my first memory of my mother.

"I was five, I think. The day was warm and the sun bright. She knelt by a small garden, pulling weeds from around her vegetables. I had one of those small pools made of hard plastic. You know what I mean?" Looking to Dr. J, he nodded in response. "I can still see her glancing toward me every few minutes while I splashed around. Then I inhale too much water and begin coughing." Using my thumb and first two fingers, I rub at my eyes. "She's immediately pulling me out of the water, rubbing my back, and calming that fear that sends you into a panic. She didn't care that I soaked the front of her shirt or that I'm wiping my running nose against her shoulder."

Pausing, remembering the feel of her sun-warmed arms against my water-cooled skin. Then, the memory quickly turned into another and, before I knew it, I had told him everything. Everything leading up to that night.

"Why did you stop?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

I didn't want to admit aloud what had really happened. I never wanted to admit that to anyone. I knew if I told him, then he would see the monster.

"I'm not saying that you have to talk about it today, but you need to get it off your chest before it destroys you. You know that, right?" he asked, getting up and walking to get coffee. "You've never talked about it, have you?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't want to think about it."

The pain accompanying it was too much.

"Yet, you relive it every night, do you not?"

Nodding, I put my head back into my hands.

"I see. Have you ever _not_ had a nightmare?"

Pausing, my mind went directly to Mia. How do I explain what I don't even understand? Pulling at my hair, I couldn't focus my mind on anything except her. My dream catcher.

"I'm going to take that as a no?" he interrupted my thoughts.

"Um...no."

"No you haven't, or no you have?"

He was confusing the shit out of me.

"There've been nights where I haven't had the nightmares and shit," I admitted, taking a long sip of my coffee. I set the chilled liquid back onto the table.

"Uh huh, and what was different about those nights?" he asked, sipping from his mug.

He already knew. His expression gave him away. He just wanted me to say it, to talk. This is why I hate this shit. It was all a fucking game.

"You're giving yourself away. I know you've already fucking heard about it," I said. Frustrated, I threw my head back on the chair again.

"Of course, I've been informed by outsiders, but I want to know from you. You're the one that matters. You're the only one that can tell me exactly what happens," he said, sitting forward again. I raised my head, looking at him.

"Mia," was all I answered.

"And this is the same girl that got you to calm down during your episode?"

I nodded, refusing to answer aloud or even look at him. The next question was obvious, but the answer wasn't.

"Any idea what it is about her that causes this?"

I'd been trying to figure that shit out since the first night. It annoyed me. I didn't understand the what's, why's, or how's. Maybe she is made of fairy dust and my unconscious mind is attracted to it. Who the fuck knows. All I know is that it works, she works. Too bad I don't have her magical abilities any longer.

"If I fucking knew, then I wouldn't be talking to you, now would I?" I snapped, rolling my eyes. "Are we almost done yet? I need to get ready for the bus."

I roughly climbed out of the chair and took my coffee to the sink. I poured the cold, black liquid down the drain.

"If you want to be finished, then we can be. But, I think you're doing great. It's your call," he replied, following me to my bedroom. He stopped, leaning on the doorframe before continuing. "Can I ask a personal question?"

"You haven't been?"

I started throwing piles of clothing into random bags. Dirty or clean, it didn't matter to me.

"Does Mia look like your mother?"

My head snapped to him.

"What the fuck? You think that I think she is my....that she is her?" I exclaimed, anger boiling in the pit of my stomach.

"No, but it's common to be drawn to someone similar to a person you lost so tragically," he said, shrugging like it was no big fucking deal.

"NO! She doesn't," I growled, going back to packing my bags.

"Okay," Dr. J said, raising his hands in surrender. "How do you feel when you're around her?"

Rolling my head around, I tried to relieve the building tension in my neck and shoulders.

"I don't know. Calm, I guess. Like my mind becomes settled and the fucking horror reel cuts off."

"I think I was told that you two don't get along. Is that the case?"

"Yes...no...sort of," I stammered and sat on the bed. "Look, I was trying to get rid of their group because I didn't want them on the tour. My plan kind of backfired on me in the best way possible. I found that if she was with me when I slept, I didn't have nightmares. I actually slept. Before those nights with her, I couldn't remember the last time I had slept for more than a couple of hours."

"Are you willing to tell me exactly what happened? When you discovered this?" Dr. J asked, entering the room further and sitting on the bed next to me.

Starting with the morning argument, I told him what happened that night on the tour bus. The night I discovered that Mia was more powerful than any pill or drink. She was calming, comforting, and...fuck, she just worked. He didn't say a word when I finished.

"Well?" I barked.

"Well, what?"

"You fucking know what!"

Now he was just trying to piss me off.

"I'm not sure why she has this influence on you, but you should probably avoid using her to keep the nightmares away. You shouldn't continue to sleep next to her."

"Wha...Why?" I said, panic filling my chest. Bile pooled at the base of my throat.

"It would just be another addiction. You need to deal with everything and learn to sleep on your own."

"But, nothing works! Nothing!" I'd started shouting, but he was unfazed. "I've tried pills, I've tried drinking myself into oblivion, and I still wake up from the images. I'm two seconds away from finding the nearest coke dealer just so I don't have to sleep. It's just her. I don't even have to touch her, just her presence makes it all go away. Only her."

My voice had changed to pleading. He looked at me apologetically. "I understand you feel that way –"

"Feel that way? Are you kidding? It's not a fucking feeling, its fucking fact, Doc!" Throwing my clothes into bags again, I looked away from him.

"What I'm trying to say is that there is something else that will help."

He paused and so did I. I didn't look at him. He was going to places I wasn't comfortable with. Fuck, I do not want to go there. I don't think I would survive actually rehashing everything out loud.

"You need to talk about it," he continued, putting up a finger when I was about to interrupt him. "Let me finish." He sighed and walked up next to me.

"Even if it's not me you tell or talk to, you need to talk about it. Let it out, Christopher. Let it go. You won't lose anything but the nightmare."

"It's not that easy," I growled, looking ahead at nothing.

"I know it's not, but it's what will help you," he said, starting to walk away. "I actually think you may have made some progress today, but only time will tell if you continue."

I moved my eyes to him. He smiled.

"I think that's enough for now. We'll talk again another day, okay?"

I gave him a silent nod, thankful that he was leaving.

"Have a safe trip."

After the click of the door shutting, I sat back down on my bed. Doctor J must be crazy because I don't feel as if there was any progress made, not at all. In fact, I feel like shit. Eventually, I fell asleep and woke up in a cold sweat. _And everyone wondered why I was always in a shit mood. They should try living off two hours of horror filled sleep every night and see how fucking perky they are the next day._

What if Mia were the only thing that could keep the demons away? I'm fucked. She kicked me out and told me she was done. Guess I don't have to worry about her becoming my drug of choice. But, what a pretty fucking drug she was while I had her. Perhaps she isn't the only one that can keep them away. Maybe I just need someone in bed with me. I could completely pull that off. Besides, there was also the pressing fact that I really needed to get laid. My dick was starting to feel seriously neglected.

Mia

Being on stage made everything right in my world again. This is what I needed, where I thrived. The argument with Christopher was long gone, leaving me in the here and now with adrenaline coursing through my veins and fans hyping me further. I hadn't seen him since the fight and there weren't any late night knocks on the door. Though I had started to feel lighter from not having to deal with his shit, I found myself missing him. Falling asleep became difficult without his presence next to me. It was fucking ridiculous. We had only slept together a handful of times and I was already used to his warm body next to mine. I contemplated making Serena sleep with me at night.

After the show, we headed toward the tour buses to load everything up. We would call our cozy spaces home again for next few weeks. Knowing there was a very large possibility I would run into Christopher, I took a deep breath before stepping out of the elevator.

Lucky for me, I made it to our bus with nothing more than cameras and fans crowding around. After climbing onto the bus's couch, I pulled out my guitar and notebook. I prepared to do some song writing during part of the trip. Laney plopped herself near me, and Kat and Serena sat with us as well.

"So what are you going to play for us?" Laney asked, leaning her head back on the couch.

"Oh, I know...do a remix," Kat piped in, situating herself in the large chair by the door.

"A remix of what?"

We often did stupid little remixes of old songs to pass time.

"Wait!" Serena said, jumping up, rummaging through some of her bags. "Ah hah! Let's use the shuffle!" I shook my head.

She was beginning the shuffle when Jimmy and Jackson climbed onto the bus.

"What are ya'll up to?" Jackson looked around the bus.

Laney's face lit up. I couldn't hide my smile.

"Oh, we're just preparing for some travel games," Laney chirped with bright eyes.

"Travel games?" Jimmy asked, raising an eyebrow in distaste, but lifted Kat up and sat her on his lap. "Oh, by the way, we are crashing on you guys." He smirked.

"I kind of gathered that," I drawled, rolling my eyes at him.

"Okay, well don't let us interrupt. Continue."

Jackson squeezed in between Laney and Serena, putting arms around both of them. I raised an eyebrow at him and he gave me the biggest shit-eating grin I'd ever seen.

"Hands off my woman, fucker!" Elliott boomed, his heavy footsteps accentuating his boisterous voice. Lunging forward, he grabbed Serena by her arm and put her over his shoulder.

"Elliott! Put. Me. Down. Now. You Neanderthal!" Serena yelped, slapping him on the back.

"Oh, I planned on it," he said, plopping them down onto a bunk and wrapping his arm around her waist.

She pushed up and sat Indian style. Shaking her head at him, she smacked his arm. He smiled up at her with complete adoration. A small twinge of jealousy passed through me. He truly adored her. It was amazing how attached he was. Christopher wasn't the only one of The Forgotten with a reputation.

"No nasty stuff! That's my bunk," Laney shouted at them.

"Oh, really?" Elliott commented with an evil glint in his eye. He pulled Serena onto her back and started planting loud wet kisses on her. Serena started laughing and yelling for him to stop. She was enjoying it. If she weren't, then he would be sporting a fat lip and sore balls right about now.

"Don't you dare, Elliott!" Laney yelled, standing to go after him.

"Get your girl!" Elliott yelled.

Jackson grabbed Laney's waist and set her back down on the couch. She fought against him, but I knew Laney. If she wanted up, she could get up. Tiny meant nothing to that evil little woman. Laney was enjoying Jackson's grabby hands.

Kat, Jimmy, and I laughed at Laney while she yelled at Jackson. She even put on the pout face, making me laugh harder.

"Okay, are we doing this remix thing or not?" Jimmy shouted, kicking his feet out in front of him and reclining the chair back, pulling Kat back with him. She squeaked at the sudden movement.

"Serena?" I shouted to the back of the bus.

The bus shifted again. The top of his blue-black hair appeared before I saw his face. My insides twisted, and I put my head down, hiding my face in my hair.

"Hey, man, you actually joining us?" Jackson asked, sounding astounded.

"Um...no. Nicholas told me to come get you. He wants to talk to you before we take off."

The weight of his eyes almost made me look up, but I didn't. If I did, I wasn't sure what would happen, and I didn't want to find out.

"Okay, but seriously you should hang. We're all going to be over here," Jackson said, patting Chris on the back on the way out the door.

"Come on," Laney urged, patting the seat next to her. Essentially, next to me since I was sitting on the opposite end. I looked up at her with wide eyes. She caught my look and offered me an apologetic expression.

"No, I'll just –"

"Dude, get your Emo ass in here and sit down," Elliott yelled from the back. "Don't be a pussy."

"Fuck you, Elliott!" he snapped. I dropped my eyes quickly before he realized I was watching him—again. "Unlike you, I'm not what I eat," he yelled back.

Just as the bus shifted into gear, Christopher sat between Laney and I. Jackson came back onto the bus and shoved Christopher closer to me, claiming his spot next to Laney once more.

"So, where were we?" Jackson asked, wrapping an arm around Laney, leaning back on the couch. The bus pulled away from the hotel.

"We're still waiting..." I sang.

"I've got it!" Serena shouted. "Beat It, Michael Jackson."

Kat and Laney giggled. Laney grabbed her guitar, too. Kat stood up and grabbed beers, passing them out.

"Okay, here we go."

I started in on the beat and began to sing our twisted version. Laney followed in and took the solo, singing along with me. After a few riffs, Elliott joined in, catching on to our remixed version. Halfway through the song, everyone was singing along. Although Christopher wasn't participating, I did see him smile at least once. It hurt my heart that he didn't smile more often. It was such a beautiful smile, lighting up his whole face.

We did a few more songs before Laney decided on another time waster – iPod name that song. The objective of this game was to be the first to name the song playing. After putting the guitars away, Laney grabbed a couple of iPods and linked them up to the stereo on the bus. Everyone got comfortable and waited for Laney to start playing songs.

"You're going down, Mia!" Serena shouted.

"Hah! You wish you could beat me," I laughed back. "You won't even come close to the awesomeness that is me."

"Yeah right, bitch!" she laughed. "I have Elliott back here for help, too," she laughed.

"Damn straight, babe!" Elliott shouted, the distinctive sound of hands slapping a high five carried to the front of the bus.

"Whatever. My greatness will prevail!"

"Besides, Mia has my help," Jackson shouted. We high-fived.

"Okay, shut up!" Laney yelled. "Get ready. Set. Go."

She started the song. We started shouting out answers one right after the next, with Laney keeping score. Christopher even mumbled a couple of answers. The sound of his voice caused my nipples to harden as I squeezed my legs together. _Fucking Christopher and his ability to turn me into mush_.

After about an hour, we stopped to eat. Laney went straight into the restaurant, Jackson close to her side. Smiling, I watched them enter together, talking. It was also amusing to see this nearly seven-foot tall guy next to a five-foot-three girl who didn't weigh more than a hundred and ten pounds. Kat and Jimmy walked side by side, but seemed more on friendly terms than anything else. They were debating German car engineering. Elliott and Serena, on the other hand, were like newlyweds. He couldn't keep his hands or eyes off her. His arm was tightly around her waist, holding her close to his side.

As I took the last step off the bus, a hand grabbed my arm and spun me around quickly. Gasping in surprise, I realized who it was.

"Jesus, Christopher! You scared the shit out of me," I said, pulling my arm from his hand and trying to slow my heart down.

"I'm sorry," he said, not looking at me. Somehow, I knew he was apologizing for more than just my minor freak out. He cared enough to make this right between us. Apparently, I meant more to him than I thought if he was willing to admit he was wrong.

"Accepted," I replied, and I meant it. I couldn't stay mad at him. However, I also hoped that he didn't take my acceptance as his way back into my bed. Even though I missed his presence, I had to stick with my declaration. I couldn't handle being his bedmate and security blanket. Not when it wasn't healthy for either of us. I turned back toward the restaurant and headed in. The urge to look back at him was strong, but I fought it.

Christopher never returned to the bus. I suppose he went his own way. We continued goofing off during the trip until it got late in the evening. Elliott and Serena disappeared into the back bedroom. After hearing Serena and Elliott get down to business, I decided that buses are not sexy time friendly. After their satisfying activities, we heard Elliott start to snore. I laughed at the absurdity and Laney joined in. A few minutes later, she announced she was going to bed and headed off. I looked at Jackson with raised eyebrows.

"What?" he asked me, fighting a smile.

I smirked and shook my head.

"Go get her, lover boy," I giggled quietly.

He smiled slyly before claiming a spot next to Laney.

Stretching out on the couch after grabbing my iPod, I looked over and saw Kat and Jimmy sharing an iPod and going through a Rolling Stones magazine. Closing my eyes, I let sleep take over.

Christopher

Hanging on the bus with the girls was more fun than I expected. The guys were right when they mentioned the good times they had over there. I hadn't planned to stay on the bus with them, but, between Laney and Jackson, it was a losing battle. It was also true that Mia was hilarious. I felt like I knew her, but I was wrong. Using her for my own selfish gain wasn't knowing her. Sleeping next to her, knowing her routines and habits, wasn't knowing who she is. She's gorgeous, vibrant, and stimulating. She is so comfortable in her own skin and can light up a room with her personality. It became painfully obvious, by the cramped space in my jeans, that I was I attracted to her more than I thought.

When I set out to apologize for my shitty behavior, she flinched. She fucking flinched away from me. Did I scare her? Did she honestly think that I would hurt her? I've done a fantastic fucking job of staying away from her like she asked. I've put my selfishness behind me and am working on getting better, but the fact that I caused her to flinch sent my blood to boil.

After she accepted my apology, she just walked away. Just like that. The realization of knowing I would not being sleeping much for the rest of the tour crashed down on me. _Fuck._ So what, if I was being a selfish asshole by hoping my apology would get me back into her bed, or her in mine. The feelings fluttering through my chest didn't make much sense to me. I was fucking pissed but I wasn't. _Fuck her and her fucking morals._ I needed to work this out and be alone.

Walking toward my bus, Nicholas stopped me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking me over critically.

"Nothing," I quipped.

"Not hungry?"

"Nope," I snapped, climbing onto the bus. I attempted to calm myself down. _Deep breath in and out. In and out. In and out._ What reason did I really have for being pissed off anyway? I was being a semi-selfish prick and it backfired on me. The apology was genuine, but my motives behind it weren't. _What the fuck ever. Didn't sleep before her, won't sleep now. Nothing new here, folks._

Once I felt a little bit calmer, I decided to grab some food and take it back to the bus. Waiting on my order, a hand slid down my side, resting on my hip. I looked down on my left side and found myself staring into familiar hazel eyes. She pouted her lips and batted her eyes.

"Can I help you?"

"You look so unhappy," Jess, one of the backup singers, said as she leaned into my chest seductively. "I thought maybe I could help cheer you up."

She smiled slyly and ran her hands over my chest.

"Here you go, honey," a woman with the bright orange hair said, holding my bag of take out.

Before heading out the door, I reached back and grabbed Jess' hand, pulling her along with me to the bus. I knew it would be empty, but her lips on my cock sounded like a much-needed distraction.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked Jess without looking back at her.

"Sure."

She made herself comfortable on the couch. Knowing how easy this was going to be, my thoughts of Mia dissolved into nothing. _Who needs her anyway? I'll just fuck my frustration away and hope like hell that my brain doesn't rape me with its sick and twisted home movie reels all night. Fat fucking chance._

Jess took the drink I sat on the table in front of her. She drank while I ate. She also talked. Excessively. _Does this chick come with a mute button?_ I prayed the beers I kept giving her would just make her pass out. Finally, pushing my take out containers away, I pulled her to the back bedroom with me.

She giggled, climbed onto the bed, and started to remove her clothing. I pulled her up onto her knees and faced her away from me. Pushing her hair away, I kissed where her neck met her shoulder. She moaned. Her lips attacked mine when I turned her back to face me. She was a little sloppy, but I didn't give a fuck right now. She removed my shirt slowly and worked her way down to my pants. She nipped at me through the denim while working on the button fly. My dick started to twitch which sent her into a fit of giggles and ridiculous moans. She pushed my jeans down to the floor and took me into her mouth. She was messy. There was more spit on my cock than actual suction. I started to stroke myself at the base, trying to stay aroused. Gripping the back of her head with my other hand, I wrapped her hair around my wrist and fucked her face. After I'd had enough of her mouth, I pushed her back on the bed. She giggled when I reached for a condom from the side table.

"Do you like it rough, Chrissie?" she asked.

Ignoring the fact that she called me Chrissie, I shoved her legs apart.

She called out as I pushed forward, her hands gripping my shoulders. I moved in and out of her, slowly at first, looking down at where our bodies met, watching my cock glide in and out of her. I started pounding into her harder, setting a brutal pace, trying to get off as quickly as possible. The sight of my dick thrashing in and out of her caused a familiar knot to form at the base of my spine. I brought my thumb down onto her clit and made a circling motion with just the right amount of pressure. Within a minute, she screamed out and clenched around my cock, raking her nails down my back. I drilled into her twice more, clenched my eyes shut, and released. _Quick and easy. Just the way I like it._

A knot formed in the base of my stomach. Feeling dirty, different...wrong, but not wanting to evaluate this new fucked up feeling, I rolled off her and onto my side. Looking away from her bleached blonde hair and overly made up face, I reached for the pill bottle next to the bed. I took two pills without water.

She curled up to my back and her breathing started to slow. She was about to fall asleep. This was fucked up on so many levels. I could feel it in my gut. Typically, I didn't let them stay, but maybe...just maybe... The pills slowly took me under.

"Stop!"

Drops of sweat streaked down my forehead.

Jess was screaming at my outburst. With her back against the wall of the bus, she was panting with wide terrified eyes.

"C-Chri-Christopher, are you okay?" she stuttered, trying to even out her breathing.

"Bad dream," was all I could manage to get out. Standing, I left the back room.

"W-where are you going?" she reached toward me. "Come back to bed with –"

"Fuck off," I spat out and headed to the bathroom.

Climbing in the shower, I used the hot water to try to relax. Too bad my mind wouldn't stop racing.

Why did I even think that girl would help? What the fuck was it about Mia and why did I only need her? Why?! Why her? What is it that makes her so different, so calming, so...So, Goddamn MINE!

The door opened and I groaned when Jess entered the shower. She wrapped her arms around my waist and leaned her head against my back. _Apparently, 'fuck off' means climb into the shower with me._ I released her grip and got out quickly, leaving her by herself.

Stepping off the bus in Memphis, I looked around. It was extremely early, but it was already warm. The ground was damp from recent rain. Trying to clear my head, I started walking with no direction in mind. Of course, I would see her. My temptress and walking nightmare rolled into one.

Mia had on workout clothes and looked like she was stretching out. I kept distance between us so she wouldn't notice me. A guy joined her, and their laughter carried across the damp lot.

_Who is that?_ Instinctively, I took a step in her direction. The sudden desire to know who he was and what he wanted with her swept through me. They took off running together before my approach got their attention.

_What the hell was wrong with me?_ I pulled my cell phone out and called Dr. J.

"Christopher?" he answered groggily. _Shit, the time difference._

"I forgot the time. I can call back –"

"No, no, what's up?" he asked, trying to hide his yawn.

"Can we try to do some of this over the phone?"

I felt like a pathetic asshole, but my mind was racing with anger. I don't want to need her and it pisses me off that I do. It also pisses me off that I can't control the way my body responds to her. _Counseling 101, talk that shit out even if it makes you a pussy. I fucking hate this bullshit._

"Of course. Want to tell me what happened?"

Obvious to the fact I wouldn't be calling him to talk sports or some other dumb shit, I told him about last night and this morning, spilling every detail. _Christ, I feel like a girl_.

"So, you tried another girl to replace the one I told you not to sleep next to, and you also figured that casual sex would help?" he asked, his voice faintly amused.

"Sort of," I mumbled.

"I see. Oh, Christopher..."

"I can't take not sleeping, especially when I know it's possible. I just have to have..."

"Christopher, you just have to help yourself. What are you going to do when she isn't around? You won't be with her forever, now will you?"

"Huh?"

"The tour is only for a period of time and then she'll most likely be out of your everyday life. Then what will you do? You need to help yourself and not depend on someone else."

Doc kept going on about self-help, but I became lost in the one comment, "she will be out of your everyday life." _How had I not thought about this? I need to get my head out of my ass, or just convince her that I'm Prince fucking Charming and make her stay in my life._

"Christopher, hello?"

"I'm here."

He sighed. "Look, how about I meet you in Minneapolis? We can talk together then, in person. It's only a few days away. In the meantime, if you need to talk, call me. Any time, you understand?"

"Yeah, sure."

Hanging up with the doctor, I went toward the arena we were playing in tonight. As I rounded a corner, something slammed into my chest, and I had to catch myself against the wall.

"I am so sor-ry."

**  
**

Chapter Thirteen

Mia

I woke up extremely early, especially for me. Everyone was still asleep, so I got up and grabbed some workout clothes, figuring I could go for a walk. Quietly changing in the bathroom, I tried not to wake anyone. I grabbed my iPod and was out the door. I got over near the parking lot fence and started to stretch out a little. That's when Rob surprised me.

"Holy crap, you scared me!" I laughed and smacked his arm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. No one else is typically up this early." He smiled and rubbed where I smacked him.

I shrugged. "I couldn't sleep any longer, I guess. What are you doing up?"

"I try to get out for some exercise when I can. Sitting at a sound and light table all the time isn't exactly a physical challenge," he chuckled, patting his stomach. "Want to run together?"

"I don't know about running," I said, twisting up my face.

"What if we race?" he asked, eyeing me. "Ready. Set. Go!"

He took off.

"Hey! That's cheating!" I yelled and ran after him.

We raced one way and then raced back to the arena. Yeah, I got my ass handed to me.

"Holy crap, you're fast," I gasped for oxygen.

He chuckled. Noticing we were on the opposite side of the arena, I would have to walk through the building and cut across to the other side. After saying goodbye to Rob and thanking him for the company, I headed to the bus. I hoped everyone was awake and the guys were gone so I could shower. I rounded the corner with my head down until I came face to chest with someone.

"I am so sor-ry," I stumbled on the last word.

Looking up, I locked eyes with Christopher. One of his hands was on the wall and the other was on my shoulder to catch his balance. I'd fisted his shirt to help hold him up. Heat pulsed on my shoulder from his hand and my nipples instantly hardened. Quickly, I let go of his shirt and took a step back. His hand fell from me and he looked upset, his brow furrowed as usual. He looked tired. Chewing on my lip, I waited for his anger, but it never came. I broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah, um...sorry," I apologized with a smile I knew wasn't convincing. I walked around him.

"Accepted," he said quietly after I passed him. I looked back to see him walking in the opposite direction.

When I got to the bus, Jackson and Jimmy were gone and Laney and Kat were already dressed. I grabbed some clothes and headed toward the shower.

"Where did you disappear to?" Laney asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I went to walk, but ran into Rob. We ended up running together."

Kat looked at me with a sly smirk on her face.

I shrugged and got into the shower. As I came out of the shower, I saw Una sitting on the couch with Kat, Laney, and Serena. They all looked up when they heard my footsteps.

"Mia, come here! Look at this!" Laney urged, motioning for me to hurry.

She shoved a paper into my hand. I looked down at it, confused. Realizing it was the Top 100 music listing, I read over it more carefully. There, in bold, black print, was "#1 _Hushed Mentality_ ".

"Oh, my God!" I screamed and started to bounce with excitement. "Is this for real?"

"I know, right!" Kat shouted and gave me a high-five.

"This is fantastic," Una said, wrapping her arms around Kat and Laney who were right next to her.

"It's so amazing!" Serena shouted.

We all screamed together, and then I smirked as I remembered Chris' comments at the start of the tour. _Take that, asshole!_

We had a quick meeting to go over rehearsals and tour schedule changes, as well as our schedule for today.

"Mia, you and Christopher are going to start rehearsing "Broken Inside" with the stage director. We want –"

"Whoa, wait, what?" I interrupted the bomb Una decided to detonate without pretense.

"We want to get "Broken Inside" out there to the public. It's a great collaboration, and we want to use the tour to publicize it. So –"

"Christopher and I have to perform on stage together, tonight?"

"No, no. Not tonight," she said, shaking her head. "You'll start rehearsing today, but we will probably hold off until the next show to introduce it. That's if the rehearsals go well." She smiled lightly.

"Oh. Okay," I sighed in relief.

"Is everything alright?"

I nodded and smiled halfheartedly.

"This will be a great way to get the song out there and keep the band's name sitting at number one."

"I know. So who is the 'we'?" I asked, continuing when she gave me a perplexed look, "You said 'we' want."

"Oh, the label of course, as well as Nicholas, and it's a fabulous opportunity to be able to do this. It will promote the records both bands will be releasing soon after the tour wraps up."

Una was extremely happy about this news. I, on the other hand, had knots in my stomach.

On our way to breakfast, Una grabbed my arm and pulled me over toward her.

"I almost forgot to tell you. Marcus arrived this morning, so he'll be here to work on the performance during rehearsals."

I smiled. "Good, that'll work."

She wrapped an arm around me.

Later, after breakfast, we were ushered to the stage for our full rehearsal. We had to reschedule our rehearsal for earlier in the day since Christopher and I would rehearse "Broken Inside" before The Forgotten rehearsed.

Performing onstage made me feel like a different person. I was more confidant on stage, sexier. I was totally in my element, releasing the inner rock goddess. Sweat dripped down my back as we performed and the spotlights weren't helping. I had Kat tie my t-shirt into a knot at the hem on my back, right under my bra line. My stomach was completely exposed, but it was much cooler.

After we got through our songs, a studio backup singer met me onstage. Una introduced us. He was a male back up vocalist I needed for an acoustic version of a song tonight.

We discussed the song a little and then went over it together. Laney led me in on her guitar. I started to sing, the backup singer joining in to accompany me on the parts we had discussed. It turned out better than I thought it would on such a short rehearsal. Excitement had me bouncing and hugging him. He laughed at my enthusiasm. After thanking him, I said goodbye until tonight.

Heading off stage, Una grabbed me.

"Mia, you need to stay here to rehearse with Christopher."

"I'm just going to get one of the crew guys to hose the sweat off real quick," I said sarcastically, winking at her.

"Hurry up, okay? The stage will be reset for The Forgotten very quickly," she shouted after me, taking my comment in stride.

I nodded and gave her thumbs up in response. Returning to the stage, I spoke with Una for a second before getting the signal that the stage was ready. Elliott smiled and then pumped his fist. I pumped my fist into the air back to him. Jackson and Jimmy both smiled as I stepped out to center stage where Christopher stood.

"Ready to rock this out?" he asked, trying to sound cocky and upbeat, but it fell flat.

I nodded, shifting my eyes to the choreographer.

"Okay, you two. I want to start with just the music so we can go through the choreography, then you can put it into full performance."

"Wait...what choreography?" Christopher questioned with a confused expression. Elliott's muffled snicker came from behind us.

"Calm down, Christopher. It's just some steps and standing positions. I'm not going to have you doing spins and dips," she reassured, rolling her eyes and waving him off.

The guys started playing, and the choreographer took us through the steps and positions she thought would work best. After finishing, she walked down to the front row and sat, getting an up-close look at her personal handiwork. Kat, Laney, Una, and Serena were already sitting there watching. Laney waved, of course. I smiled small.

"Okay, remember the steps are not concrete, so improvise. Also, don't be afraid to touch each other, for God's sake," she said, causing my face to heat as she settled into her front row seat. "Alright, boys, whenever you're ready."

Taking a deep breath, I stood in my rehearsed spot, off stage and hidden from the 'audience'. The band started to play and Christopher tapped out the beat with his foot before starting in with the microphone in the stand. Entering from stage left, I walked toward him. A spotlight hit me as I joined him in song.

Christopher removed his mic from the stand and trailed behind me as I rehearsed the steps. Just as we fell into the chorus, we turned to face each other before slowly backing away and turning back to the crowd. Well, I turned back to the crowd. Christopher was still facing me. I continued the rehearsed steps and turned back toward him as we began singing again. We walked back toward each other and locked gazes. I couldn't tear my eyes from his. His voice was hypnotic, pain and pleasure rolled into the harmony of the lyrics. There was a fierce look in his eyes that drew me closer to this broken and battered man as he allowed his heart to bleed freely; the man I couldn't walk away from.

I was completely and utterly entranced, my belly swarming with butterflies as the final part of the song played. His arm snaked around my waist just as we rehearsed, causing gooseflesh to rise on my skin as we turned toward each other one last time. I stared into the deep pools of his eyes before the lights that were following us died out on the last note. In the darkness, my body felt on fire. I was hyperaware of every spot he touched, every caress, movement, linger. Shaking it off, I started to walk away. His hand tightened on my hip, but I kept moving. He didn't stop me.

Once I was alone, I took deep breaths to calm myself. _What the hell was that?_

Christopher

_What the fuck was it about her? My dick was hard as a rock. That was the most intense performance I've ever experienced. The lyrics mixed with her were right. She was just fucking right._

"I have to say, that was great!" the choreographer enthused, standing with a large smile. "One more rehearsal should be all we need."

I walked back toward the mic stand and forced what just happened out of my head. The Forgotten still had a rehearsal to do and I didn't need to get bent out of shape thinking about Mia. From the corner of my eye, I caught a smirk on Jackson's face and glared at him. It was the performance, that's all — caught up in a moment. That's what I continued to tell myself at least.

"Elliott, when you're ready."

He tapped out the beat. We started our practice and worked out some more ideas for tonight's show.

By the time we'd finished up, it was getting close to show time. We grabbed something to eat and headed off to prepare for the show.

"That song was fucking intense," Jackson said, breaking the quiet between us.

"What song?" Elliott asked.

"Christopher and Mia's song," Jimmy snorted.

"It's called "Broken Inside"," I corrected. I closed my eyes and laid my head on the back of the couch. I was so tired.

"Oh yeah, that was kick ass. You two sounded fucking awesome!" Elliott boasted.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

The cushion next to me dipped down.

"So, she's really good, isn't she?" It was Jackson, of fucking course.

"Who?" I asked, pretending I didn't know to whom he was referring.

"Yeah, right, like you don't know," Jackson responded quietly.

"Whatever."

"Try all you want, Christopher, you're only fooling yourself."

Before I could ask him what the fuck he was going on about, he was up and heading over to the empty chair next to Elliott. Putting my head back down, I was too exhausted to fight with him.

The show went flawlessly. We rocked the fuck out of the audience and they begged for more. This is what I fucking lived for. As soon as we walked offstage, we were ushered into another press conference. Mia and the girls were already in there. They were addressing all of the rumors and stories currently running in the tabloids and newspapers. Laney did most of the speaking, which didn't surprise me. We took our seats down from the girls and began to address our own tidal wave of nosey bitches.

Nicholas headed off questions about my incident at the hotel, as well as questions regarding a psychiatrist traveling with us. It was hard to sit there and allow Nicholas to clean up my messes. It was even harder to listen to them implicate I was a psychopath and woman abuser. _Fucking, seriously?_ Apparently, there were also rumors running rampant about The Forgotten and Hushed Mentality being at war with animosity. _These people needed to get a fucking life. Drama, drama, drama._ Next came the question I'd been dreading.

"So, Christopher, it seems Hushed Mentality has taken the number one spot on the charts. Are you as confident as you were in the beginning of the tour that you'll be able to regain that spot and keep it?"

A quick glance toward the girls and I could see the sly smirk playing on Mia's lips.

"Every dog has their day," I answered, keeping my eyes on her.

Her eyes narrowed. I smiled large in her direction. _Fuck yeah, let her be smug. I could dish it right back._

As soon as I hit the steps of the bus, exhaustion started to overtake me. I jumped in the shower to wash away the grime of the show and headed to my room. The pills were still lying next to the bed and I popped a few, hoping they would fucking work.

I lay down and thought over everything Dr. J had said. "You need to talk to someone about that night". "Let it go". "She won't be a part of your everyday life". I started to drift off, lulled by these thoughts while entering my nightly hell.

He was holding her in his arms, rocking her back and forth, back and forth. Tears streamed down his cheeks and I felt my body fill with something I had never experience before. I've heard the fights and each time experienced pain, guilt, confusion, anger. But, never before had I felt so much hate. He had the nerve to cry! After everything he did to her, he had the nerve to act like he cared. I was furious...yes, that's what I felt, and full of rage. I screamed at him before I launched myself onto him. My fists clenched tight as I slammed them into his face, over and over again. He grabbed my wrists and threw me against the wall.

"This is your fault, you bastard! You should've never happened! You shouldn't be here. You ruined all of it and now...and now..."

The gun was back in his hand, and I was staring straight into the cold steel. I heard the click, but moved before I heard the roar past my head. I launched at his legs, and he slipped on the blood....her blood.

I jerked awake, dripping in sweat and trembling from head to toe. Trying to push everything from my mind, I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. Elliott was next to me in a flash with a wide-eyed look. Apparently, I was more vocal than I thought.

"I'm fine," I groaned, throwing myself back onto my bed.

"Do you need anything?" Jackson sat on my bed and yawned.

"Nothing works," I muttered, rolling over to bury my head under a pillow, hiding the tears escaping.

"There is one thing," he said.

He stood and I heard the door close.

Sitting up, I grabbed the TV remote and tried to preoccupy myself. I dragged my ass to the shower as soon as I heard the rest of them moving around, hoping the cold water would wake me. After getting dressed, I got off the bus and went straight to the first coffee pot I could find.

We were in Topeka now with a show tonight. Then we would be on our way to Minneapolis where we would stay for a few days.

Heading into the arena to rehearse, I passed Mia, who was scrutinizing me. I had no idea why. I had been a good boy, doing what she wished instead of taking what I needed. After all the rehearsals, we waited backstage once again.

"I think we should go out while we are in Minneapolis. Let's hit a local bar. We haven't done that in a while," Elliott was speaking aloud to whoever would answer.

"Sounds like a plan," Jimmy voiced.

"I don't know. I think I'm gonna wait till we get there to see what's going on," Jackson added. "What about you, Christopher?"

"What?" I grumbled.

"Jesus, dude, grumpy much? Shit!" Elliott shot out.

"Fuck you," I retorted, holding no emotion to the statement.

I tried sleeping again on the bus on the way to Minneapolis. Turns out, sleeping was not an option, and the pills were barely enough to make me fall asleep anymore. I called Doctor J, and he offered to get a different prescription sent. I asked for a script that could keep me awake; however, he refused to provide them.

In a desperate attempt, I took three pills. Finally, I fell asleep only to wake a couple of hours later sweating and panting. Grabbing the pill bottle, I tossed it into the garbage can on the other side of the bus. My guitar and my notebook became my only form of distraction for the remainder of the trip.

Mia

It had been more than two weeks now, almost June, since our argument. Christopher's movements were sluggish. It was easy to see he hadn't slept and probably wasn't even trying to anymore. The constant caffeinated beverage he carried around with him made me assume this was the case anyway. I felt terrible. I knew that I could change this with just one word, but how would that ultimately help? It would put us straight back to stage one and I needed more than that.

When we met Una at the front desk in the lobby, I leaned in to her ear.

"Una?"

"Hmm?" she responded as she signed the papers for check-in.

"Is he alright?"

She looked up. I nodded toward Christopher who was leaning against a wall with his hand in his hair waiting for the elevator.

"He doesn't look well. Perhaps he's sick?" Una speculated, trying to ease my curiosity.

I pursed my lips at her, and she saw I wasn't buying it.

"Okay, he's probably having some issues again," she said, not looking at me, which was fine since I couldn't stop watching him.

Why do I feel so responsible? It's not my fault he can't sleep. It's not my responsibility to take care of him. So, why do I feel like the asshole? Yeah, he sleeps when he is with me, but he needs professional help. Until he gets what he needs, I'm just a temporary arrangement. I just can't be that person when I'm so emotionally involved, especially since, for him, I would simply be his drug of choice. No matter how much it pains me to admit, I want to be more than that to him.

Laney snapped me back to reality when she grabbed my arm and pulled me to the elevator. The doors opened, and we climbed on as one large group. Standing opposite of him, I could see the dark purple under his eyes and the furrowed brow. He was exhausted.

Laney rambled on with Jackson, but I wasn't really listening to what they were saying until we came to our floor and headed toward to our rooms.

"So, breakfast in our room?"

I returned to the conversation going on around me just as Laney shouted to Jackson. He nodded and smiled at her.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"Weren't you listening?"

I shook my head. She eyed me skeptically.

"They're coming over to our suite for breakfast in a few hours," she said, smiling and pulling us quickly to the room. "That means I need to get everyone dressed."

"Whoa there, Laney. I'm climbing into my large king-sized bed and getting some shut-eye. Count me out for dress up time."

She pouted, but I wouldn't sway.

"We don't have to do a damn thing until the show tonight, so I'm going to get some sleep and then get out for a while."

Kat led the way into the suite, and we disappeared into our separate bedrooms. Stripping off as much clothing as possible along the way, I climbed into bed. With my mind so wrapped up in guilt, I couldn't fall asleep.

_Why should I feel guilty? It's not my fault. I just...I mean...Shit!_ I can't even think straight enough to argue with myself! _Frick'em, frack'em, fruck'em...ack!_ After exhausting my brain with my nonsense, it shut down and I fell asleep.

About two hours later, Laney was being so loud playing breakfast host. I had no choice but to drag my ass into the shower. Once showered, I threw on some baggy jeans and a white tank top. Laney gave me the "outfit disapproval look" when I entered the living room.

Everyone had already arrived and most were eating, except Christopher. He was sitting in a chair with coffee in his lap and his head back on the chair, his eyes closed. Even from across the room, I could still see the darkness had reached his lids as well as some puffy redness.

Cue my feeling of being responsible. _It's not my fault. It's not my fault. Not my responsibility. He is not my responsibility_.

Walking to where the food was laid out, I loaded up a plate before sitting at the breakfast bar. I was two plates of food in when Jimmy decided to call me out on my eating habits.

"Christ, I think Mia could eat more than Elliott!" he laughed and looked from me to Elliott.

"Oh, trust me, she would give him a run for his money," Serena laughed. I glared at her.

"Shut up," I yelled back.

"Where the fuck does it all go?" Jimmy walked over and looked me over.

I smacked his arm.

"Leave me alone. I can't help it if I like to eat," I fired back, sticking my tongue out at Serena.

"Anytime you want to have an eat off, you let me know," Elliott said, smiling at me widely.

"I'll be sure to do that," I smiled back sarcastically and threw out my garbage.

"Okay, so what does everyone have planned?" Laney queried, looking around.

"Kat and I are headed to the pool," Serena said. "Mia, you in for the pool?"

I nodded.

Laney pouted. "I wanted to go shopping."

"Better luck next time, shopaholic."

Kat and Serena giggled.

"Girls in bikinis? I am so in!" Elliott said loudly. "What do you say, Christopher? Girls in bikinis?"

"Whatever," he grumbled.

_Damn it. It's not my responsibility._ He needs to talk to a professional or something. Besides, he isn't showing up at my door, so maybe he is getting better.

I damn well knew he wasn't getting better. It was a load of crap I was trying to feed myself to feel less responsible. All I had to do was look at him and I could see he was suffering.

"I have a meeting late this afternoon, but whatever. I don't care."

"You are such a miserable prick lately," Elliott voiced.

Christopher gave him the finger.

"Okay, sounds like we are pool bound."

Laney jumped up and hurried off to her room. I'm sure she had some special waterproof, pool-proof make-up and hair products to apply. The guys left to get ready while we changed into swimsuits.

Again, I fought an internal battle over my unwarranted guilt. I did throw him out, but he deserved it.

"Let's go," Kat yelled, pounding on my door and stopping my self-deprecation.

We were the first people at the pool. The water was cold, and it wasn't exactly hot outside at ten in the morning. However, if the weather reports were correct, it would be an exceptionally warm day for late May. Elliott pushed Jackson in, which resulted in Jackson splashing everyone.

After swimming for an hour, my skin resembled a prune. I packed up my stuff and told Serena I was going back up to the suite. On the way, I passed by Christopher, who was sitting in a lounge chair with his head lolled back. He had sunglasses on so I couldn't tell if his eyes were open or not.

Damn it, Mia, just keep walking.

With a large breath, I nudged Christopher's arm and motioned for him to follow me. At first, he wasn't following, so I figured he wasn't coming. _I tried._

He appeared when I was getting on the elevator. It was a silent trip up to our floor. He hesitated when I walked past his room door, but continued to follow me.

After changing into the jeans and tank top I had on earlier, I found him standing against my doorframe. Motioning toward the bed, I sat down and grabbed for my favorite blanket.

"You don't have to –"

"Just lie down."

I curled up inside the familiar blanket as he crawled onto the bed. Moments later, I heard his breathing even out. When I looked over my shoulder, he was fast asleep. Sighing, I laid my head down, looking at him.

He really is physically perfect. A strong chin currently covered in rough looking stubble, but it still couldn't hide his gorgeous face. Dark lashes lined the lids that covered eyes so blue and so expressive. His lips were full and his skin, damn. His skin would make any woman jealous. His unruly, blue-black hair set all of this off.

Earlier in the tour, his hair stuck out is sharp spikes, but now it had grown out some. My mind drifted to how his hair felt when I had put my hand on his head. It was thick and soft. I even remembered his scent, like a forest after a storm. Taking advantage of the moment, I inhaled deeply and slowly fell asleep to the familiar smell of clean masculinity.

Voices woke me up. Looking up at the bedside clock, I saw we had been asleep for a little over two hours.

"Mia?" Serena shouted and leaned into my room.

"Oh shit!" she yelled in a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I whispered and got off the bed.

Walking toward the door, I looked back. Christopher was still sleeping and was in the same position he had fallen asleep in. I closed the door behind me.

"What the hell is going on?" Serena interrogated.

Laney and Kat came out of their rooms and looked at us curiously.

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"He is nothing?" she argued, pointing toward my door.

"Ooohh...what did we miss?" Kat asked.

"Shhh!" Laney hissed, motioning for Kat to shut up as they huddled together like spectators. All they needed was a bag of popcorn.

"Mia, here, has decided to let _him_ back in."

The emphasis she put on him didn't go unnoticed.

"Oh," Laney and Kat said in unison. They raised their eyebrows, both with sly smiles on their faces.

"Jesus Christ! It's none of your business!" I spat at her, sitting down on the couch. "I felt bad, okay? You've seen him. He looks like shit and it's pretty fucking obvious that he isn't sleeping. I was just helping him out so he wouldn't be such a wreck."

Serena sat down next to me and sighed.

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"He's not going –"

"I'm not talking about just physically, Mia"

"Serena, it's not like that between us. It's just...I don't know what it is, but it's not like that."

"Are you sure?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Of course," I replied, rolling my eyes. "You've seen how he treats me. He's an asshole, remember?"

"Yeah, sure," she said dryly, looking like she was going to give up, but turned back to me instead. "Mia, did you notice anything when you were on stage with him?"

I shook my head and gave her the "'you're crazy aren't you' look."

"I didn't think so," she said.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's just –"

Christopher stepped out of my bedroom.

"Um...thanks," he said, quickly running his hand through his hair. He waved and left.

"See....nothing."

I headed back to my room to get away from the conversation.

"I hope they're fucking," Kat blurted.

"What?" Laney giggled loudly.

"I hope she's getting something worthwhile out of this little deal," Kat laughed.

I shut my door, not wanting to hear anything else.

**  
**

Chapter Fourteen

Christopher

Both my mind and body were exhausted. I barely made it to the first poolside lounge chair. Hell, I was even too tired to bitch at Jackson for splashing water on me.

With my head resting against the chair, my sunglasses protected eyes from the sun. They also hid my focused attention on Mia when Elliott pulled her into the pool. She emerged. Her dark, saturated hair slicked back, her eyes even more prominent with the dark tendrils out of the way. It was easier to see the tattoo that ran down the length of her spine.

My muscles tightened in anticipation of her close proximity. The way she enticed me had my nerve endings tingling and my dick stirring to attention. I sat motionless as she began to walk past, disappointment flooding me without my consent. I seriously thought I might lose it over the unwanted feeling, but then she nudged me.

I froze, thinking my sleep-deprived brain imagined it all. Taking a leap of faith, I jolted into motion and followed her up to the room. Neither of us said a word until we got into the room and I weakly, oh so weakly, gave her another chance to back out. "Just lie down." She didn't have to tell me twice. I barely remember putting my head down. Exhaustion crept over my eyelids and stilled my body. It was only a few hours of sleep, but when I woke, I felt better. Better, but alone. Her scent lingered in the emptiness next to me.

I looked up at the clock. I still had a couple of hours before my meeting with Dr. J. Deciding it was time for me to leave. I got my shit together and exited the room. Mia and Serena were sitting on the couch. With a quick thank you and a nod, I left. The tension between them was thick, and I knew it had to be about me. Serena was not shy about making her feelings well known. Who could blame her, though? I was an asshole using her sister to sleep. I'd hate me too.

Just as I threw my towel onto the floor, there was a knock at the door. Sliding into a pair of clean jeans, I grabbed the towel, tossed it over my shoulders, and answered the door.

"Good afternoon, Christopher," Dr. J said, wearing a pleasant smile.

"Hey," I replied, motioning for him to enter and stepping back from the door as I rubbed the towel over my head.

"Did I catch you at a bad time? I know I'm a bit early."

"Nah, it's good," I said, sitting on the couch and pulling the towel back around my shoulders.

"You don't look too bad. A little tired, but not as bad as I expected."

He took a seat in the overstuffed chair on my right.

"Yeah, about that..."

"Ahh...you had her help?" he asked, grinning.

Rubbing the back my head, I pulled the towel from my shoulders.

"This afternoon. She offered. Why would I say no?"

Keeping my eyes focused on the towel, I folded it onto the cushion next to me.

"It's okay."

My head snapped up to see if he was joking.

"You clearly trust her more than anyone else," he said with a small shrug.

He chuckled at the confusion stamped on my brow.

"Have you thought any more about why she seems to help when nothing else will?"

I kept my mouth shut. There was nothing to say. I'd thought about it a little, but I didn't analyze that shit. He was the one being paid to figure this shit out.

He smiled again.

"I'll take that as a no," he sighed. "Look, Christopher, she, for whatever reason, represents some sort of trust and comfort you don't seem to have with anyone else; unless there's another emotion or reason you can help me figure out?"

"Another emotion?" I asked, leaning back. I shook my head.

"Okay, then I'll have to go with trust since there're no other feelings you can offer," he said, eyeing me from his peripheral vision.

"What?" I spat. "Don't start acting like those other head shrink assholes."

"How about you answer some questions for me, unless you want to talk?" he asked, looking hopeful. I wasn't going to spew my guts out. So, I shook my head.

"Okay. Tell me exactly what happened the other morning when you called me."

He sat back and got comfortable while I went through it all. When I finished, he didn't say anything.

"Alright, now tell me about the following days, leading up to her helping you again." I did as he asked, telling him everything that happened up until this afternoon.

"So, she wasn't there when you woke up in the bed?" He leaned forward, elbows to knees.

"No, why?"

"Well, it seems you need her to fall asleep, but I wonder how long it takes you to wake up after she gets out of bed, or if you even realize it at all." He rubbed his head. "This is interesting."

"Now you're going to tell me I shouldn't let it happen again, right?"

Putting my head back on the chair, I made a silent vow to disobey his order before he made it.

"No."

For the second time, I looked at him completely confused.

"What? I thought that –"

"Christopher, if it's trust and comfort she gives to you, then we can work with this, for now. If she's willing to allow you to sleep there, then go ahead. However, you still need to realize once she is gone from your life, you won't have that. You need to deal with this problem straight on."

He paused to look me in the eye. I nodded in agreement. Everyone kept coming back to her leaving me, being gone forever. Maybe she would. Who the fuck knows. Or maybe, just maybe, I'd make a deal with the Devil asking for her to sleep with me for the rest of my life. I could fucking dream.

"No, it's not just a nod I need from you, Christopher. You need to understand. It's time for you to work up to talking about it. If she is the one you trust and she already knows the story from others telling it, maybe –"

She would definitely leave if she knew the truth. That wasn't fucking happening. I barely had her now, if I spilled my guts she would be out that door faster than a bat out of hell.

"NO," I snapped. Leaning forward, I leered at him. "I don't want to talk about it, with anyone. I don't want –"

"To relive the same memory you already relive every time you go to sleep?" Dr. J finished my sentence with a small amount of sarcasm.

Tightly clenching my eyes, I put my head into my hands. His hand came down gently on my shoulder.

"I know it's hard, but you need to let it go. It's not the only thing you have left."

Her image flashed into my head. She was holding me close, brushing her fingers through my hair.

"Let the guilt go, and fight through the pain and hurt."

Unable to move, I squeezed back the tears threatening to spill out. I was so sick of fucking crying. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want it to go away, but I can't. How can I let her go, when it's my fault?

"How many people have you loved, Christopher?"

His question caught me off guard. I turned and examined his face for a moment.

"Have you ever been in love with someone?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? How do you not know?" he asked, looking puzzled. "Obviously you loved your mother. Did you love your fath...um...stepfather?"

Rage erupted throughout my chest, wrapping around my arms until my fists balled. How could he ask about that asshole? I fought the urge to beat the shit out of Dr. J.

"It's okay to have loved him. He was your father, and he wasn't always the monster you remember, right?"

I tried to fight them, to hold them in, but still hot tears streamed down my cheek. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I refused to remember him as someone I didn't hate.

"It's okay to have loved him. Your love for him has nothing, nor had anything, to do with what happened. They are two different things in themselves. Do you understand?"

I nodded to placate.

"Look at me."

My eyes stayed hidden in the darkness of my lids.

"Look. At. Me."

Yielding to his request, I slowly parted my lashes and looked through my tears.

"Nothing to do with it," he asserted.

Another tear streamed down. I licked at my dry lips, the taste of saltiness registering on my tongue.

"Have you ever been in love with someone?" he asked again.

I shrugged.

"I-I don't think so," I answered, coughing to clear the wavering emotion in my voice.

"Why do you think that is?"

I shrugged. _How the fuck should I know?_

"Are you afraid to lose them? That you'll hurt them?"

My heart accelerated, blood pounding in my ears. _Good little shrink. I'm a fucking mess, an emotional basket case._

"Okay, why don't we stop? You seem to have had enough. Besides, I'm sure you want to enjoy some of your free time."

He stood.

"No."

"What?" he asked, his attempt to cover his surprise at my response was slightly humorous.

"No, I've never been in love with anyone," I replied. Hoping to clear my head, I inhaled deeply. "I can't see them get hurt. I can't watch them leave. I don't think I could emotionally handle it. Aside from that, I don't deserve love. I have nothing to offer and would be a constant disappointment, much like I am to my family. What I have inside of me isn't worthy of love."

Slowly, he sat back into his seat. Silence hung in the air. He hadn't been prepared for that response. Like the cocky bastard that I am, I relished in his surprise. _Take that and shove it up your analyzing ass._

"Life and love is all a risk. You have to accept it all. What happened when you were younger wasn't because of you, or because of love. It was because of a bad situation that one person couldn't deal with. You defended yourself."

His hand lightly grasped my forearm as he stood again. I grimaced at his words. He wasn't saying anything new or informative. Just the same bullshit everyone else has tried to comfort me with. If he knew the truth, he wouldn't be saying this shit.

"Christopher, you speak as if you're already sure you'll cause the downfall of a relationship. You are a good man. You just need to realize it."

A loud snort escaped in response. I was not a good man. I was something entirely different.

Another long silence filled the room. Doc lightly cleared his throat.

"I'll see you the day after the concert, right?"

I nodded my head in response. I was done fucking talking, done listening to bullshit no one knew anything about.

"Have a good evening," Dr. J said as he departed the room.

Reeling from the conversation, I lay back against the couch. _Why do I feel comforted by her? Why would I trust her? I barely know her. What draws me to her? Did the monster in me just want to destroy her?_ It's always the same shit constantly running through my head. I still didn't have any fucking answers.

"I can't spend all day obsessing over this shit," I growled into the empty suite. I stood up from the couch. I was sick of analyzing bullshit that had no clear answers.

A glance at my watch told me dinner was in a few hours. With all the pent up tension, I had Darius set me up in the hotel fitness center and escort me down. Some weights and hopefully a punching bag would provide some relief.

Sore from pushing myself hard, the hot shower washed away some of the tension in my muscles. My phone beeped while I was in the shower, and when I finally checked it, there was a text from Jackson.

'Going out for dinner. Lobby, forty-five minutes.'

The message was from fifteen minutes ago, so I had a half hour to shave and get dressed.

Taking out the spikes pierced into my lower lip, I began to lather up my face. My eyes settled on my reflection. All I could see was the monster with blood on his hands. I closed my eyes and gripped the sink, willing away all thoughts. I forced myself through the rest of the shave and got ready to meet the guys in the lobby.

Sitting in one of the private areas of the restaurant, we heard laughter from the other side of the room. Elliott stood up and looked. He was such a nosey bastard.

"Elli!" a familiar voice called out.

Elliott's face lit up and he waved. Jackson stood next and laughed before sitting down with a shake of his head.

"It's the girls," he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. Of course, it was the fucking girls.

After finishing dinner, we started to share ideas we had been working on for new songs. I was finding it hard to concentrate with all of the rampant bullshit running through my mind from my earlier session. _Time to man up, the new album isn't going to write its-fucking-self._

"Uh oh."

Jackson's random statement caught my attention. He was watching Elliott stand up with a look of death on his face.

"Wha –?"

"Shit, grab him!" Jackson yelled, rising out of his chair and trying to grasp Elliott's arm.

Now that the restaurant had started to empty out, Elliott had a clear line of sight to the girls' table. _Looks like I wasn't the only one distracted._ There were three guys hovering around their table. By the looks on Kat and Mia's faces, they weren't welcome.

One guy slid down next to Serena, putting his arm over her shoulders. She scooted away, removing his arm when his other hand went to her thigh. She scowled, the distinct words "don't touch me" on her lips.

Elliott was like a juggernaut, reaching their table before either of the bodyguards could get to the harasser. He lifted the guy next to Serena and shoved him away. Serena grabbed Elliott's arm and tried to calm him down.

This guy was about to get the ass beating of a lifetime.

The douchebags started to get vocal, so Jackson, Jimmy, and I walked over. Mainly to keep Elliott from busting a cap in their ass.

The guy and his group were finally escorted away by restaurant security and our bodyguards. We paid the bill and left. Elliott stayed with Serena, riding back to the hotel with her instead of in our car.

As I slowly walked through the lobby, exhaustion began creeping up on me once again. Out of the corner of my eye, Mia and Kat passed by, arm in arm and walking funny. It looked like they were trying to trip the other one. I didn't know what the fuck they were doing, but I felt the corner of my mouth turn up as I listened to them laugh with each other.

Mia jumped on Kat's back and demanded a piggyback ride into the elevator. We reached the elevator only to find them both lying on the floor, laughing their asses off.

Mia stood up quickly and helped Kat to her feet as we all entered the elevator, laughing at how silly they both were. I stayed at the back of the elevator while the rest exited. Jackson wrapped his arm around Laney's shoulders and led the way to her room. _The giant and the elf._ Seeing Jackson attempt to shrink himself down was fucking hilarious. Why he always went for chicks half his size, I would never know.

Elliott had his hand in Serena's back pocket and held her close to his side. After tonight, he was showing everyone she was with him. Dude was practically pissing on her leg. The claim he was staking on her was alarming. This was Elliott and he didn't stick with one girl, not even in the bedroom. He rolled in multiples of two, and sometimes more on special occasions.

Kat and Mia were walking behind Serena and Elliott mimicking them. Kat had her hand in Mia's back pocket, and Mia curled up to Kat's side making kissing noises. Serena looked back and glared at them.

"Will you two grow up?" she snapped, trying to be mad. Mia ran up and tackled her in a bear hug almost sending them both to the ground. Serena laughed aloud before shoving Mia off her and latching onto Elliott once more. _How fucking sweet. I have a cavity._ I felt like a peeping tom watching them. I was so odd and out of place. Seemed to be the story of my life.

Everyone entered the girls' suite while I was still in the elevator standing with my dick in my hands. I didn't know whether to stay or go and felt like a fucking loser. They were all friends. They had bonded and shit. I wasn't a part of this. I didn't belong. _Did I even want to be here?_ The Clash's Should I Stay or Should I Go started playing in my head. _Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble..._ Kat shook me from my thoughts by wrapping her hand around my arm and pulling me out of the elevator with a wink and a smile. _Christ, I was so caught up in my 'feelings', I didn't even see her come back for me. My man-card just got revoked._

Laney was already passing out beers as everyone found a seat. Jackson, Laney, and Kat sat on the couch. Elliott secured Serena to his lap. Grabbing the empty chair closest to me, Mia appeared and sat on Kat's lap.

"Ah, thanks, babe!" she giggled.

"I swear to God, I'm going to kill you two," Serena growled.

Kat, Laney, and Mia laughed. Mia moved off Kat and took a spot on the floor. Jimmy sat down next to her.

"Okay, so I think we should learn more about each other," Laney said enthusiastically. The girls groaned. Laney scowled at them.

"What are we missing?" Jimmy questioned.

"That's Laney code for playing a stupid game," Kat said, rolling her eyes and taking a swig of beer.

"They're not stupid. I bet we could learn a lot about everyone," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest and sat back. Jackson pulled her over and planted a kiss on the top of her head. Her anger quickly melted.

Is that being in love? Or, is it this caveman style Elliott has going on? Needless to say, I've never been in fucking love.

"No," Kat stated. "Let's just watch a movie or something."

"I'm going to get pajamas on, so you guys can figure out what you're going to do," Mia said, standing and leaving the room.

My fingers twitched to touch her when she walked by me. Jackson saved me from obsessing over the reaction.

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Jackson agreed. He stood up and turned back to Laney.

"Care to join me?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows and pulling Laney from the couch.

"Um, my pajamas are in my room," she said, motioning to her door with a tilt of her head.

"Did I forget to mention your pajamas are optional?" he teased, winking and causing her to giggle.

I rolled my eyes. _Is that being in love? I almost gagged. I'm really not cut out for that shit._

"Alone time sounds fan-fucking-tastic!" Elliott said as he stood. Serena slipped off his lap. He bent forward and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her toward her room.

"Elliott! Put me down!" she yelled as a loud smack echoed through the room.

Mia entered the room just as Serena and Elliott were going through the bedroom door.

"Don't knock her up! She's not a nice pregnant woman," Kat yelled.

"Ahhhhh...she's going to kill you!" Mia laughed.

"Damn straight I am," Serena yelled just before her door slammed shut.

I grinned and everyone else laughed.

"I'm not tired," Kat groaned and looked at Mia. "Want to go play pool?"

"Do I look dressed for going down to the bar?" Mia motioned down to her loose polka-dot covered cotton pants and tank top.

"Sure," Kat smiled.

"Okay," Mia caved, shrugging and slipping on some flip-flops. Jimmy and I both stood.

Turning, I watched her pull on a sweatshirt. I preferred the tank top.

"Are you really going down there like that?" Jimmy raised his eyebrow.

"Why not?" she asked with a shrug and wide grin, walking out the door.

Kat, Jimmy, and I followed.

Kat was good at pool. Mia sucked ass. She seemed to embrace it, though. She kept doing these weird shots: putting the stick behind her back, blindfolding herself with a napkin, turning around backwards to shoot, and, at one point, she lifted her leg onto the table and shot from underneath.

Shaking my head, I observed their antics.

"What?" Jimmy bumped me in the arm and leaned onto our pool table.

"Nothing," I shrugged. "They're just fucking goofy."

"You could use a good dose of what they have going, trust me," he drawled, lightly hitting my shoulder. "Your shot."

Turning around, I lined up my stick. Hands ran up my back and I jerked around quickly, causing me to scratch. Jimmy snorted. I growled at the familiar blue eyes.

"Hey there, Chrissie," she said, smiling up to me and batting her eyelashes, leaning into my chest. From behind me, Jimmy stifled his laughter.

"Tonya, you know I hate that fucking nickname."

She leaned in closer and pouted up at me. I was about to say something else, but Kat was behind her imitating Tonya's pout face. I fought from laughing. Jimmy didn't.

"What are you doing here?"

"You don't sound happy to see me," she said, trying to be seductive.

"That didn't answer my question." I hitched my eyebrow, utterly unimpressed.

"Richard wanted to visit to see how things were going, so he asked me to accompany him, as his assistant, for the trip," she said, shrugging. "You know."

"Yeah," I replied, pulling away from her and turning back to the table.

There were hushed voices behind me as I took my next shot. When I stood and walked around the table, Mia was gone. I was going to ask, but just let it go. She had already made it perfectly clear that she wasn't my business.

After another hour of shooting pool and losing fifty dollars to Kat, while also being rude as shit to Tonya in hopes that she would just go the fuck away, I retreated to my room. I slid they key card in and opened the door. Giggling coming from Jackson's room assaulted my ears as soon as I stepped in. I made a b-line for the shower, hoping they would be done by the time I got out. Much to my disappointment, they weren't. They were either on to round two or Jackson's libido was fucking impressive. _Whatever._ Jackson's impressive fucking was not where I wanted my mind to go.

Throwing on a pair of pajama bottoms and t-shirt, I sat on my bed for a moment contemplating my next move. _She let me in this afternoon_. _Would she let me in tonight?_

One loud moan from Jackson's room was all the motivation I needed. I shot to the door and got the fuck out. Time to see if I can fulfill my fantasy. Sleep.

Just as I was about to reach the door, Kat came walking up. She smiled easily and opened the door, gesturing for me to enter. Stopping just a few steps into the room, Kat brushed by me and knocked on Mia's door quickly before walking away.

"Come in," she called, her voice muffled by the closed door.

Grabbing the knob, I ran my other hand through my damp hair and opened the door. She looked up from her laptop. Waiting, I gauged her reaction. She looked conflicted for about half a minute before she gave me half a smile and patted the empty side of the bed.

After lying down, I looked over and watched her.

"What are you doing?"

She jumped a little and looked down at me in disbelief.

"What?" I asked.

"Um...nothing," she answered, turning back to her laptop screen.

"No...what?" I insisted. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I know," she shrugged. "You just...I mean, usually you're asleep right after you lie down. I wasn't expecting you to speak."

She kept her eyes on her computer. The discomfort between us grew tenfold.

Something in me started to churn, wanting her to look at me. Her quiet behavior with me was so different from who she was with Kat, Jackson, or any of the others, for that matter. It took me a moment to realize I felt bad, maybe even hurt, by it. There was no way that was right, though. _Why would it hurt me? Christ, I needed some sleep._

"Oh," was my most brilliant response. "You still didn't answer my question," I reminded.

"Um...yeah," she said, pausing. The slightest blush tinted her cheeks. "Don't make fun of me, okay?"

Was she watching porn?

She turned her eyes on me and, in that moment, I couldn't think straight enough to actually speak the dialogue running through my head. I just nodded.

"I have a small addiction to two things on the internet," she said, pausing to rub her face, which broke my stare.

Porn, totally porn. Please God, let it be porn.

"Gossip websites and YouTube."

Huh, I didn't see that coming.

She half-smiled with a crinkled nose and a light blush. That blush was so appealing on her round cheeks. I'd never really looked at her close enough until this moment. Her eyes weren't so haunting, but beautifully deep. The shape of her face and the way her bottom lip pouted more than the top was so...so perfect. My hand twitched again, longing to touch her face.

She started chewing on her pouted lip. This pulled me from my thoughts. She was obviously uncomfortable with the way I had been looking at her a so intensely. I felt like an idiot. _Smooth move, asshole. Way to be the creepy guy down the hall that masturbates to dolls and chokes himself._

Deciding natural was the way to go, I asked, "So, are they saying anything good?" Rolling onto my left side, I looked at her computer screen, trying to relieve the discomfort.

"Not really, just the same old stuff," she said nervously before starting to watch a video onscreen. Following a white wire connected to the laptop, I realized she had earphones in one ear.

"What's the 'same stuff'?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me, especially when her posture stiffened a little.

"Oh, you know. Same big star couples splitting and hooking up," she laughed nervously and waved it off.

"What couples?"

"The usual ones," she said, pausing and continuing. "That's why I've switched over to YouTube."

I let her change the topic, but was still curious. Typically, I didn't scour the internet for celebrity gossip, but now I really wanted to know.

"Can you turn the sound on?"

She nodded and unplugged the headphones.

We stayed in those positions, watching people who posted their homemade videos; music, pranks, skits, and bloopers. Mia laughed hysterically at some of them and I couldn't hold back on a few. Laughing felt good, like a part of me was missing up until this point.

Then she pulled up videos people had made singing or dancing to my music. She was almost in tears over a forty-something-year-old guy in an excessively small Forgotten t-shirt. This guy sang horribly. I busted into uncontrollable laughter when he smacked his own ass. _This shit is rich._

Her smile and laugh were like nothing I'd seen or heard in so long. It was such a different night between us. I don't remember falling asleep, but, apparently, I passed out at some point.

"Christopher? Christopher, honey?"

I opened my eyes, and there she was, my mother. Her dark hair framing her lovely round face and blue eyes mirroring my own; her face so filled with kindness and love. Love for me.

"Mom?"

She smiled and pulled me to her. Resting my head against her chest, her hands were running soothingly through my hair. She smelled like fresh bread and ginger.

"It's okay, baby. I love you," she said, her warm lips pressed to the top of my head.

"Please, don't leave."

"Mom?"

"Mom!"

She was gone.

I woke up with a shudder. This was not a nightmare. This was different.

"Uh...Christopher?" Mia asked, her quiet voice coaxing my damp eyes to look at her.

Our faces were closer than I expected. Blinking a couple of times, I focused on her biting her lip. She was so close, right there. _Shit. I have her pinned against me._

"I'm sorry," I gasped the words out quickly, letting go of her.

She half-smiled.

"It's okay," she said, still chewing her lip and looking at me, confused.

"What? I said I was sorry," I snapped, the words holding more venom than I intended. I guess old habits die-hard.

"Yeah, I know. Uh...did you have a nightmare?" she asked, her nerves creasing her brow.

"No."

I waited for the questions to begin, but they never did. Surrendering, I looked over. She had rolled to her other side and pulled the covers over her head. She never does what I expect.

Looking over to the clock beside the bed, I saw it was only five in the morning, and I was wide-awake. It was probably pointless to try to get back to sleep. It will never happen now. The bad will just follow.

Thinking over the new dream I couldn't understand, I tried to make sense of how I was feeling. This wasn't followed by the usual feelings of terror and guilt. Neither of those emotions surfaced, nor did the rage that usually accompanied. I slunk back into sleep wondering, yet again, what it was about her.

Waking up this time, a familiar soft warm scent surrounded me. It was intoxicating. Stretching my arms up, I put my hands behind my head. Looking at the ceiling for a few minutes, I took in how great I felt. Glancing at the clock once again, I saw it was after eleven in the morning. Hell, I can't tell you the last time I slept this long.

A stirring motion brought me out of my reverie. Looking down, I saw Mia curled up next to me, almost buried into my side. The position left her face available for me to gaze at. Pale skin on her round face, full flesh tone lips, and even with her eyes closed, you could tell they were large and framed by thick dark lashes. Again, she entranced me.

Lying there, I watched her sleep until she whimpered and groaned. I bit back laughter at her lack of desire to wake up. She stretched out like a cat. My humor halted when her hand landed right in my face.

"Oww!" I said, pulling my face back to check my nose.

"Oh shit!" she cursed, rolling over quickly and sitting up to look at me in horror. The laughter resurfaced from the look on her face. She looked petrified and it was hilarious. I couldn't contain it.

"Are you okay?" she huffed. "It's not funny."

I laughed harder and she started laughing, too.

"I'm so sorry, I swear!" she said through spouts of laughter.

The whole situation was just fucking funny, either that or I had finally gone bat shit crazy.

"It's fine," I said. Gasping, I tried to catch my breath.

"No, I shouldn't be laughing. I'm sorry. I didn't expect to be so close to you."

She bit her bottom lip. It was time to admit it. The lip biting was starting to become one of my favorite things to watch her do. She definitely had a habit with that lip.

"I'm fine," I said again, shaking off my current train of thought and sitting up. "What a way to wake up, huh?"

Looking at her, I ran my hand through my disheveled hair and rubbed the back of my neck.

"I really am sorry, I didn't mean to do that, or to wake you up like that," she said, looking at me apologetically.

"You didn't wake me."

After the words came out, I wanted to take them back. I watched her expression change to confusion.

"I mean, I'd just woken up before you, but hadn't gotten up yet," I amended.

She nodded.

We both got out of the bed. My eyes followed her toward her bathroom.

Mia

I'm a complete ass! I can't believe I hit him in the face. While I had desired to hit him a multitude of times over the past weeks, I was still horrified. In my bathroom, I waited to hear my room door shut before jumping into the shower. I prayed the hot water would wash away my humiliation. No such luck.

Drying off and getting dressed. I stepped out to where Kat and Serena were sitting. Kat had her guitar, and Serena had her sticks in her hands.

"The dead have risen!" Serena exclaimed, using her best southern preacher voice.

"Hardy – Har – Har!" I mocked, grabbing a bagel and some orange juice. I looked around the room. "Where is Laney?"

"Getting dressed," Kat replied, strumming her guitar.

"What time do we have to take off?" I mumbled around the food in my mouth. I would be surprised if anyone understood me.

"That's disgusting," Laney said, emerging from her room and looking at me with her face crinkled up. I opened my mouth to show her all of my food. "Jesus, Mia, can you try to be a lady for a second."

I snorted, "Um...no."

Before Laney could say anything else, Una walked into our room with Xander and Tonya flanking her. Kat huffed when her eyes landed on Tonya. I fought back my laugh. Tonya glared at her, and Kat quickly gave her the finger. A snort escaped this time.

"Good morning," Una sang stepping into the middle of the room. "Everyone sleep well?"

We nodded.

"Good," she paused, "Well, let's get going. You have to rehearse. And, Mia, you need to do one more rehearsal with Christopher before we go live with the performance in Chicago. My father's here to observe the rehearsal and give his approval."

Nerves began to flame up all over my body knowing Richard would be sitting in on rehearsals. There was an instant lump gurgling in the pit of my stomach. I so did not want to screw this up. We followed Una to our car.

Richard greeted us as soon as we got to our dressing room. It wasn't the first time he'd heard us play and it wasn't the first time I'd met him. I didn't know why I was getting so nervous. My stomach knotted and butterflies swarmed in. _This is stupid, Mia. Calm down!_

"Good afternoon, ladies. You all look well," he greeted, smiling brightly, his eyes lingering on Kat.

Once in position onstage, I looked back to the girls, who winked and smiled their encouragement. Serena tapped it out and then we started our rehearsal. Letting the music take over, I became the other Mia; stage Mia. I felt the rhythm consume me as I sang out the lyrics, becoming one with every song we played. One the last note, I heard clapping from the tiny audience. Richard was giving us a standing ovation. I beamed.

The choreographer grabbed me as I walked offstage.

"Mia, did you forget you have to rehearse with Christopher?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I was going to grab some water and wash the sweat off my face. Can I get ten minutes?"

"Okay, but hurry. Stage changeover will be done soon," she shouted at my retreating figure.

Back onstage, Christopher was taking his position. I took my place off to the side. The music started, the lights dropped, and Christopher began to sing. He must have been really stepping up his game with Richard watching because he seemed completely absorbed in the performance.

When I reached his side this time, he turned to me. That was new. I began my part and headed toward the front of the stage with Christopher following closely behind. Two different people began to perform with each other. Drawn toward each other, we sang and got much closer than we had before. When the chorus picked up again, his arm slid possessively around my waist as he locked his eyes onto mine. He sang and I shivered, overwhelmed by intensity burning between us. My skin felt hot, too hot, and oversensitive to his every touch, brush, movement.

The blue flames in his eyes became too much. I had to break away before I exploded from the electricity shooting from his eyes and coursing through my body. I've never felt this exposed, this...close to the edge. With the last chorus, I turned back to the empty seats. His arm didn't release me as easily this time.

"Amazing! Absolutely amazing!" Richard said, approaching the stage. "Christopher, you wrote this?"

"Um...yeah, but Mia worked on it with me for a couple of weeks."

"Fabulous," Richard breathed out. "You have such great chemistry together. It's perfect."

"So, Da-Richard, what do you think about Chicago?" Una asked, appearing at Richard's side.

"I think you should get it all worked out and start it," he commented, turning away from Una, back to Christopher, motioning for him to come. "Christopher, come, talk with me."

Hesitantly, he released my waist. I was more than a little confused by everything. It just didn't make sense. I walked backstage to get ready for the night wondering what it was about Christopher Mason that set my skin on fire.

We were almost ready to go out onstage when Richard appeared in our dressing room. Standing upon his entrance, we greeted him. He walked to each of us and took our hands one by one, lingering a little longer on Kat's. _Well that is interesting._

"I just wanted to wish you a great performance tonight," he said, looking at all of us, stopping again on Kat. "I'll be watching tonight from the box and am extremely excited."

As he backed out of our dressing room, we all shot Kat a questioning look. _Looks like I wasn't the only one that noticed._ She simply shrugged. Shortly after his departure, the stage assistant came back to bring us out to the stage. The concert began.

We were dragging our asses back to the hotel. The night had been intense, and I decided soaking in the tub would calm me down. The audience had been so receptive and was now singing along with a couple of our songs. It was such an amazing feeling when you could see the words you wrote on a crowd's lips.

A knock on the door interrupted my hot water relaxation.

"I'm in the tub," I groaned.

Serena appeared in the doorway looking down on me with skepticism.

"What?" I spat out.

"You have a visitor," she replied, raising her eyebrow.

"Oh," I said, biting my lip. "I didn't realize it was that late. Just send him in, but shut the bathroom door. I'll be out in a few."

She just stood there looking at me.

"Please?"

She scoffed and then took a deep breath through her nose.

"Fine," she growled.

"Thank you," I said, overly sweet. "You're the best sister ever."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she grumbled, closing the door.

I climbed out of the tub and dried off. Looking around, I realized I had only brought my underwear in here with me.

"Shit!" I said aloud at my own stupidity.

"Uh..."

_Damn it, he heard me_. My face warmed with my embarrassment.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I, um....yeah, I'm fine."

Slipping into my underwear, I grabbed the robe off the back of the door, thanking my lucky stars I had something to put on. Sitting in the bathroom for the rest of the night would be a bit awkward. I opened the door and went to my large duffle bag, locating my last set of clean pajamas – short shorts and a cami. I groaned. _Nice_.

Looking around, I found a t-shirt and sniffed it. Even though it's wrinkled, it didn't smell. I shrugged, figuring I could throw it on instead of the cami. Christopher's eyes were on me as I went back to the bathroom to get dressed.

Once dressed, I brushed my teeth and hair. Turning off the lights along the way, I made my way to bed. Climbing under my covers, his breathing gave away that he was still awake. I pulled the covers over my head.

Falling asleep was difficult. Restlessness twitched in my limbs no matter how exhausted I was. Christopher's breathing had finally evened out. He had fallen asleep. _Lucky bastard._

I shifted to lie on my stomach, hoping the new position would help. It was working. The tension in my muscles slackened, my mind began to drift off, and as soon as dreamland approached, a hand smacked me on the ass.

**  
**

Chapter Fifteen

Mia

Surprise stilled me for a moment. Listening closer to his breathing, I found that he was still asleep. Slowly reaching down, I picked his hand up and dropped it back to his side. As I was reaching behind me, he shifted and pressed against my side firmly. The hand I was trying to move slipped from my grip as he slid his arm around my waist. I was stuck, wrapped in a Christopher Mason cocoon. Wiggling around, I tried to relieve some of his weight. Holy crap he was heavy.

His hand met bare skin, and I froze. My body pulsated from his touch. Biting my lip to silent the groan on my lips, I shifted again. Finally, I could breathe again. Christopher's weight no longer felt crushing and, thankfully, he hadn't woken up.

Still, I couldn't sleep because my mind and body were too aware of his touch; of his closeness. Irritation pricked at me. There was no way I was going to let him cause this reaction in me. Stealthily slipping out from under his arm, I decided I was thirsty and went to the refrigerator under the bar. I was mid-swallow when the suite door opened, startling me. Kat came into the room.

"Where were you, young lady?" I choked on the water as I spoke, causing Kat to jump.

"Fuck, Mia, what are you doing up?"

"I asked you a question first," I reminded in my best parental tone.

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted, shrugging. "What about you?"

"Yeah right," I said, rolling my eyes. "I was thirsty."

Lie. There was no way I was going to fess up to the fact that Christopher made my libido open her eyes and purr, ready to play. No f-ing way. We studied each other's faces, knowing we weren't being completely honest in our answers. After saying goodnight, I went back to bed.

Christopher had rolled over to the other side. He was twitching and mumbling in his sleep. I didn't know if I should wake him or stay back. _What if he was having a nightmare?_

Climbing onto the bed next to him, I was startled when his eyes snapped open and the loud gasp left his mouth. I stopped moving. His breathing was ragged as he wiped his face. Feeling my eyes on him, he snapped his head around to where I stood by the bed.

"You weren't here?" he questioned in a whisper.

"I-uh- couldn't sleep," I said, lifting the bottle in my hands. "I got up to get a drink."

I felt horrible, like it was my fault. Putting the water bottle on the nightstand next to the bed, I slid under the covers. His breathing was still erratic and his body was tense.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Sorry," I whispered back.

"For what?"

"Leaving," I said, barely getting the words out.

"You're not a prisoner," he chuckled in a hushed tone.

I rolled to my side and fell asleep.

Christopher

Jesus, did she really think she had to apologize for my nightmares? It's not her fucking fault they exist. I'm such a douchebag. Rolling over, I could smell her scent. She inhaled deeply, but quietly, her breathing becoming slow and steady, indicating she was asleep.

I don't know what compelled me, but I reached out and touched the hair splayed out over the pillow. It was so soft and warm. As I leaned in closer to her, the scent intensified. The last thing I remember is closing my eyes and deeply breathing her in.

A knock on the door woke me. With a heavy sigh, I opened my eyes to darkness. A flash of panic set in, until I realized it was Mia's hair. Immediately aware of our tangled bodies, I pulled back when the door started to open. Mia stirred. When she started to stretch, I moved my face away so she didn't sock me again.

"Wake up! We have to get going," Kat called, entering the room. "Oh, by the way...I'm borrowing this shirt." She grabbed a shirt from the closet.

"Go away," Mia groaned.

I chuckled.

"Get up. Breakfast is out here, and we're leaving in a few hours. You have to get your bags tagged."

"Tag this."

Laughter erupted from my chest when Mia flipped Kat her middle finger.

"Sorry, sleeping beauty, you're not my type. However, your rock star right there is pretty hot." Kat winked with a devious smile.

"There you go, Christopher," Mia yawned. "An open invitation. Don't you have a thing for blondes?"

I snorted, trying to ignore the stab in my chest at her words. My reputation and preference for blonde-haired women was common knowledge, but for her to push me into another woman's arms hurt. Yeah, I'll fucking admit it.

"I doubt my invitation means anything when he already has an open invitation to your bed."

Mia grabbed her water bottle from the side table and tossed it at Kat. She ducked and ran out laughing. That was my cue to leave. Sliding on my shoes, I looked over to Mia, still buried underneath her blanket. Her comment was still nagging at me when I left her room.

When I got to my room, Doctor J was sitting in the living room.

"Oh shit," I cursed, looking toward the clock. "Is it that late?"

"You're not that late, just a couple of minutes," he reassured with a smile, patting the couch. "Have a seat. I take it you were sleeping?" He gave a small grin.

Nodding, I grabbed some coffee before I made my way to the chair.

"So, how are things going?"

I shrugged.

"Come on, Christopher, you need to give me something or I might as well go."

Putting my head back on the chair, I closed my eyes and wished I were still in bed – with Mia.

"Any new developments or everything pretty much the same?"

Taking a deep breath, I told him about the dream I had of my mother; the non-nightmare of just her and me. He nodded as I spoke. Then I went on to tell him about last night when Mia had gotten out of bed. He kept nodding. No words, nothing insightful, just nods. We sat in silence for a moment before he finally spoke.

"What do you think the dream of your mother was about?" he inquired, sitting back to put an arm on the back of the couch.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging. "I've never had that one before."

"How did the dream make you feel?"

I groaned. _Always about the fucking feelings with this guy._

"I know you hate the feelings question, but humor me."

"I don't know," I said, sipping my coffee. "It felt comforting, I guess. At first anyways."

"At first?" he probed further.

"Yeah, in the end she was gone," I sighed. "And I felt alone."

"Has anything changed lately, I mean on a day-to-day basis?"

I shook my head.

"Hmm...tell me about the past two days, give me as much detail as you can about each day from start to finish."

I was annoyed, but started telling him about my days in detail. He sat quietly, listening and sipping his coffee.

"So, you've actually started to form an amicable relationship with the girls?"

Shrugging, I gave a small nod.

"Well, I can't tell you what your dreams mean; however, I believe you're making some progress in your own head. If you could just let go and talk –"

"Not an option, Doc!" I spat out.

"Okay, well...I'm going to come to Chicago with you so we can talk more the day after your concert."

I looked to him and then at the clock. We had barely made it forty-five minutes.

"I know we're cutting it short, but you have to get on your bus, and we most likely won't get any further today," he said, standing up. "So, I'll let you get going. And, Christopher?"

I looked up to him.

"Think about what I've been asking you to do," he requested, continuing before I could protest. "Just consider it."

Nodding, I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, and one more thing."

I looked to him again, annoyance all over my face.

"Are you sure you've never been in love?"

He left me with a furrowed brow before I could question him, or could give him an answer.

Everyone was on the bus when I climbed on.

"Hey, man," Elliott said without looking away from his handheld video game.

"Hey," I replied.

"Ready for a long trip?" Jackson asked, lounging on the couch with a movie starting on the TV.

"Yeah, sure."

I went back to my bedroom on the bus and got my notebook and guitar. I needed to focus on something aside from dreams, Mia, and head doctors. Obsessing over this shit never made it better. I heard Jimmy snoring from a bunk outside my room, and felt myself get even more agitated. I considered decking him with a pillow but decided against it.

We made one quick stop on the way to Chicago, but other than that, it was straight to the arena for rehearsals. Mia and I rehearsed on the stage one more time before we perform the song live for the first time tonight. Richard had unexpectedly joined us in Chicago, so we both knew how much we had to rock this performance.

Hushed Mentality was on stage, finishing their last song of the night. The Forgotten was standing off to the side of the stage, watching their performance as well as pumping up for our own. Jackson was doing warm-ups on his guitar, ensuring his fingers were agile and loose. Elliott was jumping around, twisting his sticks in his hand and drumming them against anything and anyone in sight. He attempted to come at me but I gave him the fucking death glare.

As soon as the girls took a bow and thanked the crowd, they left the stage. Mia rushed to wardrobe with annoyance on her face as the make-up and hair people were all over her. Roadies swarmed in, setting the stage with our instruments to get us ready. I took a deep breath, jumped up and down a couple of times, cracked my neck, and headed out onto the stage. After hyping up the crowd and introducing The Forgotten, I took my center position on stage. The audience started to cheer and chant. Looking to my left, I saw movement in the shadows. Mia was getting into position.

Elliott did a double tap on his bass drum leading in Jackson and Jimmy on their guitars. The intro transformed into the first riff as my cue to start singing.

A single spotlight illuminated me just as the first note left my lips. The crowd erupted. Mia joined in with her own spotlight. The intensity of her approach rippled over my skin. She started walking toward the front of the stage, beginning her solo verse.

I followed her. We got to the front of the stage, and backed away as rehearsed. Turning back toward each other, I saw her for the first time tonight. Her dark eyes were shining with an intensity so bright, I almost forgot my words. Her hair pulled up loosely at the back of her head with pieces hanging out, framing her face. Her make-up was a little darker, and the dress she was wearing made my stomach flip and my dick twitch.

The black dress reached to the floor and flowed around her body with every movement. A studded belt ran just below her breasts, accentuating her curves, and one strap ran over her left shoulder.

Thankfully we had hit the crescendo of the song, Jackson's solo. I regrouped, got my shit together, and started into the final verse. With my arm tightly wrapped around her waist, I sang the last word and put my forehead against the side of her head. The audience erupted into cheers, chanting our names. I inhaled deeply and tightened my hold on her.

My entire being protested when she pulled away and waved to the crowd, leaving the stage. It took everything in me to let her leave. The cheers and applause faded in my ears as I watched her walk away.

"She won't be on tour with you forever. Oh, and one more thing" I heard as I looked back to Doctor J. "Are you sure that you've never been in love?"

The show must go on. Pulling my shit together once again, I turned back to the crowd, "Hushed Mentality's lead singer, Mia, everyone! Make some fucking noise! She just rocked the shit out of you!" I listened to the crowd break out into another cheer.

"Are you ready to get fucking rocked all over again, Chicago?" I screamed out, just as Elliott started tapping out our next song. We went through our set flawlessly. The crowd was amazing, and we were drenched in sweat. Music always made me ride a euphoric high incomparable to any other. When I was on stage, I was a god. None of the other shit mattered. It was just the music and me.

Walking through the lobby, tons of fans with pictures, posters, t-shirts, and pens in hand, greeted us. They pressed forward through security for autographs. I was signing the t-shirt on the back left shoulder of a fan, when one of the girls' security guards shouted.

"Step back, young man," his voice boomed and his thick muscled arm pushed back a dark-haired man.

"I know them," he protested, pushing at the guard's arm. "Mia, Serena! We went to school together!"

I was mid-eye roll over the commonly used statement when Mia turned to him. She called off the guard and pulled the guy into a one-armed hug. Serena quickly joined them.

My back stiffened. The fans calling out to me faded into nothingness. I watched her pose for pictures and sign a book the guy produced. _Is that a yearbook?_ My hands balled into fists, and the pen in my hand snapped, the ink collecting in the crease of my fingers.

There was laughter and more embracing. No matter how hard I listened, there was nothing that helped me figure out who this guy was.

Half an hour later, our fingers cramped from signing more tits and ass than memorabilia, we headed to the elevator. Serena and Mia were boasting over the stalker fan. Kat and Laney seemed disappointed to have missed him, but all were excited to have a fan they knew. I stood in the corner brooding over their stalker fan. I was fucking pissed and instantly hated the guy. Why, I didn't fucking know, but something about the situation had my stomach in knots.

Once on our floor, the girls disappeared into their room, still conversing over the idiot from the lobby.

"Who the fuck was that?" Elliott growled when we entered our room. _Thank fuck I'm not the only one pissed over this shit._

Jimmy chuckled.

"I don't know," Jackson answered, trying to play it cool about the stranger.

I walked directly to the shower.

Thoughts of her having a boyfriend, a lover, or a goddamn fuck-buddy started to fester in my head and eat at me. _Was this why I never saw anyone around? Was there some guy back home?_ The hot water wasn't easing my tension at all. Climbing out, I dried off, and found a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. The image of her fucking that guy wouldn't go away. I released a groan into the empty room. _Why the fuck did I care? I'm not fucking her, just sleeping with her._

After the television proved an unsuccessful distraction, I tried sleeping. Before I closed my eyes, I knew it was a mistake, but I just couldn't go there and see her with him. My mind raced back to my session this morning.

"Are you sure that you've never been in love?"

Was that really it...did I have stronger feelings for her than I wanted to admit? No. Is it supposed to feel this way? Who the fuck knows. What is love anyway? As far as I'm concerned, this isn't love. This is irritation because I wanted to fucking sleep, but couldn't stop thinking about Mia fucking this guy. Fuck, now I'm making up boyfriends for her in my head. Get your fucking shit together, Mason. You don't want to fuck her, why shouldn't she be fucking someone else. Not like I haven't had pussy while we've been sleeping together.

Attempting to convince myself that I didn't care who Mia fucked was exhausting. I now had a pounding headache and a stomach in knots. I just wanted to pass the fuck out and not care anymore, about anything. I turned the TV off and closed my eyes, willing myself to shut everything off.

The smell of sulfur filled my nostrils, the taste of sweat and tears on my tongue. Then, there was the fear. The fear was like a dense fog. My mother was lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. Taking my hands away, it wasn't my mother laying in front of me anymore, but Mia instead. Dropping to my knees, I pulled her lifeless figure into my arms, cradling her and sobbing.

"What have you done?"

I looked up at the voice so familiar yet foreign. It was Mia again, standing over me. She wasn't covered in blood at all. I looked back into my arms, trying to figure out whom I was holding on to, but they were empty. "You're a monster," she screamed before blowing past me and out the door.

"Mia! Wait, please!" It was too late. She was gone.

My body propelled to the end of my bed and the scream of her name echoed against the eggshell-colored walls. My breathing stayed ragged and the vision of Mia were plaguing the back of my eyelids. Her lifeless body, the accusing eyes, the disgust in her voice, all of it was on a constant loop.

Jackson, Jimmy, and Elliott crashed through my door, falling over each other, with panic across their faces. They halted at what had to be a crazed look plastered on my face.

With jerky movements, I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on quickly.

"Christopher?" Jimmy said.

I shook off his hand and stepped toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Jackson demanded, blocking the doorway. I shoved him.

Elliott bound toward me from behind, I'm sure in an attempt to subdue me, but I made it to the door before he caught up.

"Christopher!" Elliott yelled.

I ran. I had to get to her. I needed to make sure. Reaching the hotel room door, I pounded with both fists. Elliott grabbed my arms, pulling me away from the door.

"Calm down, man!" he yelled at me.

"Let. Go!" I growled, trying to shake him off me.

"No fucking way, man!"

"Christopher! Calm the fuck down!" Jackson pleaded, standing in front of me, pressing on my chest with both hands.

"Let. Go!" I growled again.

The door opened, and Laney stood there, a horrified expression spread across her tiny face.

"J-Jackson?"

"Shut the door, Laney" Jackson ordered. "Call my dad."

Then there she was, looking over Laney's shoulder. A tear slipped over her cheek as she looked at the scene before her. Curiosity had morphed into worry and then fear.

Shifting my weight back, I caused Elliott to lose his footing and fall against the wall. Jackson reached for my shoulders.

"Christopher, stop!"

Shoving him out of my way, I forged ahead.

Laney jumped out of my way. Stopping directly in front of Mia, I looked down on her wide fear-filled eyes. Grabbing her arms, I pulled her to my chest, taking us to her room.

"Christopher? Christopher!"

Kicking her door shut once we were inside, I held her tighter to my chest. _She was okay._

The doorknob rattled as someone tried to open it. Slamming my hand on the door, I then locked it. With one tight arm still wrapped around her, I leaned against the locked door.

"C-Chris, you...you need to calm d-down," she stuttered.

She was attempting to put on a brave front. I was scaring her and I hated it. It wasn't my intent, but I needed to know she was okay. I had to know, to be near her, to protect her.

My breathing was still as ragged as when I first woke. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself. The image was still there. Pulling her along to the bed, I finally released her. Gripping at my hair, I tried to purge the image of her dead body. Mia pulled herself as far from me as she could. With my fists in my hair, I paced the floor at the end of her bed.

"She was there...she was gone...you were in her place," I rambled, trying to explain. "It's my fault...I could've stopped it...why the fuck didn't I stop him?"

Stopping mid-pace, I turned to her and said, "I won't let it happen to you, too." My pacing continued.

"Christopher?"

She had barely spoken loud enough for me to hear her over the yells behind her bedroom door.

I jerked my head to look at her, and she forced a relaxed expression over her face.

"Hey...calm down, okay?"

Sitting down forcefully on the bed, I looked away from the fear on her face. I covered my eyes with my hands and let go of the sobs gripping at my chest and burning my eyes. Tears ran rampantly down my face. I had no control left.

The warmth of her hand on my shoulder sent a wave of relief over me. Climbing onto my knees in front of her, she cupped my face and looked into my eyes.

"It's okay. Just a bad dream," she whispered.

"No, you were there. You were..." I choked on a sob and buried my head in my hands. "She was...she is...He..."

"I'm right here," her voice was gaining volume.

"Christopher! Open the door!" Nicholas was yelling and pounding on the door.

"Just let me break the fucking thing down," Elliott shouted.

"No!" Mia yelled to the crowd behind the door. "It's fine."

"Mia, you need to let us in. You don't know what –"

"It's fine. I'm fine...just shut up! Please?"

"Unlock the door," Doctor J. said.

She moved to stand off the bed, but I grabbed her waist pulling her back down and burying my face into her shoulder.

"Let me unlock the door."

I shook my head. "Don't let him in."

"Nicholas?" she asked, her voice trembling.

I shook my head.

"Jackson?"

I shook my head again.

"The voice I don't recognize?"

She meant the doctor. I shook my head and held her tighter.

"Who is 'him', Christopher?" she asked, but I just shook my head.

Images of him raced through my mind, and I squeezed her tighter.

"Okay, okay," she conceded, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me back.

"I can't open the door right now, but everything is fine," she yelled back to the door.

"Christopher, please, let us in," Dr. J. requested, his voice muffled by the door.

I shook my head.

"Not right now," she yelled. "Just give me a minute."

"Fuck this. Get me a knife or a fingernail file," Kat demanded.

"Christopher?"

I looked up into her face. There was no fear. There was only sadness and kindness. _She cares._

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head slightly.

"Do you want to tell me?"

I didn't move, just stared at her. She chewed on the inside of her mouth.

"She is...and you were..."

The tears started streaming down my face again. I could taste them as they passed my lips.

"I'm right here," she said sternly and took my face into her hands. She looked me directly in the eyes. "I'm fine, you're fine. It was just a bad dream."

Pressing the side of my head to her chest, I could hear her heart beating rapidly. Her right hand stroked my head and the left pressed between my shoulder blades.

Pushing us over so we were lying on the bed, my head still pressed to her chest, I closed my eyes and held her. Her soft, warm, familiar scent filled my senses and calmed me. Her hand ran soothingly through my hair.

"You're fine," I mumbled into her t-shirt.

Mia

I'd expected him earlier and made sure to get Jace out of here before Christopher arrived. Explaining things to Jace would be worse than dealing with Serena. We'd known Jace for years, having met him when I was ten and Serena was twelve. He was like a brother to us.

When Chris finally arrived, he terrified me. Shock and horror rose inside when he started dragging me around. Pacing around the room while mumbling incoherently had my nerves shot. I thought he was going to snap completely. Once I made out what he was saying, I realized he was just as scared, terrified. It had been a dream that brought him here. When the tension left his body and his breathing returned to normal, I knew it wouldn't be long before he was out cold.

The metal clicks came from my door just before the knob turned and Kat entered with a proud smile.

"I told you I could do it," she boasted.

Nicholas and an unfamiliar man rushed in, looking down at the sight of Christopher and me.

"Are you okay?" Serena asked, kneeling by the bed and brushing hair from my face.

"I'm fine," I assured her with a nod.

"Mia, I presume?" the unfamiliar man asked, nodding and smiling at me.

"Yeah," I said, my face warming with my admission.

"I'm Christopher's doctor. Any idea what happened?"

"Not really. I think it was another dream, but...this time he seemed worried or panicked about me."

With a shrug, I moved my hand from Christopher's head to remove some hair that fell into my eye. He startled me when his arm flexed and his hand reached up from my waist to put my hand back on his head.

"I thought you were sleeping," I said, pinching a couple strands of hair and gently tugging.

He shook his head against me.

"I'll check back in on him later today," the doctor sighed and half-smiled at me.

I looked at the clock, my movement causing Christopher to tighten his embrace.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured. His hold loosened and I was now free to read the time on the clock – 4 a.m.

The doctor looked to Nicholas.

"I'll be in my room. If anything changes, please, let me know," the doctor said. Nicholas nodded and the doctor left the room.

"Come on," Jackson said, grabbing Laney and ushering everyone from the room except for Serena and Nicholas.

"Will you be alright?" Serena asked kissing my forehead.

"I'll be fine," I reassured.

"She's fine," Christopher mumbled.

Serena scowled at him and walked toward the door.

"Mia..." Nicholas said hesitantly, obviously looking for the right thing to say.

"It's okay, Nicholas. I've gotten used to it at this point," I said, trying to laugh freely.

"I just hope he realizes how much you've done for him."

I smiled at Nicholas as he left the room.

_Why do I do these things for him?_ _Allow him to use me, to scare me, and then just...ugh._ Chris curled up closer into my side. My face flushed hot when I realized the position put his face to my boob. First, it was my ass, now my boobs. I settled down into bed, embracing the situation and the odd comfort I felt with Christopher lying next to me, and closed my eyes.

When I woke, Christopher was gone. Sitting up, I looked around, but he wasn't anywhere. Furrowing my brow, I took my irritation to the shower. _That's right, idiot. Used again. Congratulations, you win the dunce cap award._

Once I dried off, I slipped into a pair of boxer shorts and a white tank top. After last night, I planned to stay in bed with the television and my laptop, vegetating. We wouldn't be back on the buses until tomorrow morning and the only real plans I had were to meet Jace later for dinner.

I was completely engrossed in my mind-numbing television and internet addiction when my doorknob turned, breaking me out of my trance. I expected it to be Serena or Laney, but it was Christopher. My eyes widened and I sat up straighter.

"Um...hi," he mumbled from the door.

"Hi."

Suddenly, my lip seemed like the best piece of bubble gum ever.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"Uh...sure," I said, closing my laptop and sitting Indian style.

As he shut the bedroom door, I saw two brown bags in his hands. He sat on the bed and opened the first one.

"I, uh, got some coffee," he said, handing me a cup without looking at me.

"Thanks," I spoke softly, taking the coffee and pulling off the lid. While blowing on the coffee I saw him from the corner of my eye. He was watching me. "What?"

He dumped the first bag onto the bed. A cascade of regular creamers, flavored creamers, sugar, alternative sugar, and cinnamon packets flooded the space. I smirked and looked up to him with a raised eyebrow.

"I didn't know what you put in it," he explained, taking a white box out of the larger brown bag and sitting it on the bed between us. "I got some donuts."

"Thanks," I repeated.

Pouring some vanilla cream into my coffee and then four packs of sugar, I felt Christopher's eyes on me. Ignoring it this time, I sat back against the headboard and sipped the coffee. This was...different.

It was quiet for a while.

"Christopher –"

"I need to tell you," he said in a rush of breath.

I clamped my mouth shut and chewed on my ever-so-delicious lip again. Curiosity swallowed me up, and I wanted to know what he was going to say.

"Mia, I...I don't know where to start," he muttered, running his hand through his hair and setting his coffee on the table next to the bed. His nervousness drowned out my curiosity.

I put my right hand on his left bicep, and he froze.

"Start where you want."

The words came out quieter than I'd intended, but he heard me. I started to slide my hand away, but he grabbed it and held it. I didn't pull away.

**  
**

Chapter Sixteen

Christopher

When her hand touched my arm, there was the instant reprieve. She began to pull the hand away, but in that moment, I needed her touch more than anything. Holding her hand in place, I didn't release my worried breath until I was sure she wasn't going to move.

"I-I'm sorry about last night," I mumbled, looking down at her hand. The black nail polish was starting to chip from the tips of her fingers.

"It's –"

"No, it's not okay," I insisted, still unable to look into her eyes as I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I scared you."

Finally getting my balls back, I shifted my eyes to hers and grasped her hand with both of mine.

"I need you to know I wasn't going to hurt you. I would never...I..." I stammered, pausing and lifting one hand to run it through my hair.

"You know I have dreams," I said, my eyes finding hers once more.

"Nightmares," she spoke softly, nodding without breaking eye contact.

"Yeah, nightmares," I sighed. "I know Nicholas told you about--"

Before I could finish what I was saying, she grabbed my hand with both of hers, looking at me with reassurance.

"About before I came to live with him," I finished after a moment.

She nodded and started chewing on her lip again.

"Last night I had a nightmare, but this time," I said, my chest tightening at the memory. "This time you were there and you were...hurt."

My eyes found the bed again. I couldn't look at her, afraid of the emotion I would see in her eyes at my admission. When her hand squeezed mine, I reflexively raised my eyes to her. She half-smiled with understanding. Using her willingness to listen, I continued on.

"I had no right to...to just barge in and...do what I did last night. I can't even tell you how sorry I am for all the hell I've put you through; the comments, the looks, the fucked up arrangement at night," I said, swallowing hard.

"My nightmares.....they....well..." I floundered, rubbing the back of my neck, trying to relieve some of the tension building in my shoulders. "They involve that night when I lost..."

My throat tightened and I couldn't finish. _Get your shit together, Mason._

"You don't have to talk about it," she said, squeezing my hand and scooting closer. Her eyes weren't just full of compassion, but pity as well. _God, I hate that she fucking pitied me._

"That's where you're wrong," I snorted. "Everyone thinks I need to...and to be honest...I'm starting to agree, but –"

"Don't do it until you're ready," she said, making my eyes detour to her mouth as she smiled easily. "And you definitely don't have to explain to me."

"The thing is, I don't think I could...tell anyone else."

My eyes dropped back to the mattress as her body tensed. Here it comes. She's going to tell me to fuck off and walk out the door. Going to leave me when I'm about bare my fucking soul.

"Well then...I'll listen."

I jerked my head up to look back into her eyes. _Did she really just fucking say that?_ Determination set in her hazel eyes. She tightened her hold on me once more. I couldn't fucking believe it. She was going to stay, was going to listen. Should I have really expected any less from the person who never does what I expect her to do? I swallowed my nerves and apprehension.

"I was eleven when my...when she was...when she died."

"Your mother," she stated as fact, not question. I nodded anyhow.

"My fath-stepfather..."

Rage began bubbling in my chest, images flashing in my head.

"Was the cause," she finished. Again a fact, not question. I nodded to confirm.

"He was angry because I wasn't his son, among other things," I said, inhaling deeply and blowing out the large nervous breath. "He'd known for years, but it all came to a head over time."

As I blinked back the moisture in my eyes, my next words poured from my lips. "It was meant for me."

Her small gasp almost snapped the control I had over my tears. I took a deep breath, attempting to rein the emotion in once more.

"He meant to hurt you?" This time it was a question. All I could do was nod.

"She...she protected me," I whispered, tears falling over my cheeks. I couldn't step them, no matter how hard I tried. No matter how hard I told those fuckers to rein in, there was no stopping them. "She saved me."

The sob tore through my unwilling chest and throat like scissors through paper. Using both hands, I buried my face in my palms. The images flashed behind my eyelids, and his shouting echoed in my ears. All the blood, it was everywhere. The sobs intensified as I rocked back and forth. My chest tightened as that night played out in full perspective.

It took me a moment to realize she'd wrapped her arms around me. Holding my back to her chest, she rocked with me, allowing me to carry on. Overcome by the relief her presence provided, I turned in her arms. Wrapping mine around her waist, I pulled her closer. She shifted and laid us back onto the bed. My head was against her chest, my arms around her waist, and her arms around my shoulders. When she began stroking my head, I started to calm enough to continue.

"He told me it was my fault; that I should've never happened and it was supposed to be me," I choked, squeezing her tightly. She squeezed back, and her reassurance relaxed me.

"Then, he started holding her after he..."

The rage start to boil again in the pit of my stomach, and my jaw tightened.

"Shhh...you don't have to say anything else," she hushed me, her right hand stroking my hair. Her left hand lay on the side of my face. My tears dampened her palm.

"I killed him."

"I know. It's okay," she said quietly.

"I don't fucking regret..."

I broke off. I'd taken a man's life. The man I'd seen as my father for years. Yet, I felt nothing but satisfaction for doing it. I was a monster.

"I'm fucking glad the bastard–"

"It's okay."

Anger rose within me. Leaning on my elbow, partially hovering over her body, I looked at her face. Her eyes were full of confusion.

"How is it okay to fucking kill someone and not care? What kind of monster does that make me?!" I shouted, making her flinch, but the fear quickly dissolved.

With both hands on the sides of my head, she pulled me closer to her.

"You were only a boy, Chris. He took the person you loved most away from you. He betrayed you. You didn't betray him."

Dropping my forehead to her chest, I inhaled deeply. The scent of her tamed my anger.

"It was my fault. It should have been me, not...her," I gasped, tears streaming over my nose, absorbing into her t-shirt.

"Do you think she would say that?" she asked, her hands running rhythmically through my hair. "It shouldn't have been anyone, but that wasn't your fault."

"It's my fault he's dead," I spoke harsher than intended.

"He would've killed you. You protected yourself, which is exactly what she would have wanted."

She talked as if she knew exactly what my mother would say and feel. I didn't deserve her, didn't deserve all she had done for me. Waves of emotions washed through me.

We fell silent.

I'm not sure how long we laid there in silence or when exactly I'd fallen asleep, but I woke later from a peaceful, dreamless sleep. I opened my eyes to see Mia sleeping next to me – my arms around her like she was a child's stuffed bear.

As I leaned up to take in her peaceful face, her hand slid from my head. Brushing a few strands of hair from her face, I got lost in her features again. Her lips, her skin, her neck. I ran my fingers lightly across her cheek. She was so soft. Without thinking, I skimmed my fingers over her lips.

Knocking on the door causing me to pull back, I quickly laid back down, closing my eyes.

"Mia, we need –" Laney began as she entered the room, but quickly fell silent.

With the sound of soft steps, I was sure she had turned and left. Curiosity finally won. I turned my head and opened my eyes. She hadn't left. In fact, she was sauntering over with a huge smile. The moment her eyes met mine, her smile morphed into a smirk.

"What?" I whispered.

"Nothing," she replied, shrugging. Grinning mischievously, she disappeared into the closet. Reappearing a few minutes later with some clothes, she set them out.

Laney walked over to Mia's side of the bed.

"Mia!"

"What?" she grumbled.

"We have to get ready for dinner, remember? You need to get up," Laney reminded, nudging her arm.

Mia groaned and started to stretch. The length of her body pressed against mine, warm and inviting. Her eyes flew open, snapped to me, and then took in our position.

"Shit, sorry," she muttered and rolled away quickly.

Fighting my groan of disappointment, I sucked on my lips to stop any verbal protests. Instead, I shrugged.

"Come on, Mia. We're gonna be late," Laney said, throwing the clothes at her before walking toward the door.

Were they having dinner with someone?

"You've got about thirty minutes to get ready," Laney yelled over her shoulder and exited the room.

"Damn it! I can't believe I slept that long," Mia groaned, dragging herself toward the bathroom.

As soon as I heard the muffled sound of water spraying, I left.

Once out of the hotel room, I took a deep breath. My stomach churned, and the tension I was experiencing wasn't normal after having slept so well. I needed Doctor J. Something felt off, fucking wrong.

As soon as my feet hit the hallway, I called him, letting him know I was on my way. He was only a few floors down so I didn't have much time for notice. When he answered the door, he was in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and bare feet. Casual Doc was new.

"Come in," he invited and motioned for me to enter. Taking a seat in a chair, I slouched back as my leg began to bounce nervously.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, eyeing me closely.

"About this morning –" I ran my hand through my hair.

"Don't worry about this morning; just tell me what's going on," he encouraged, his eyes never leaving me while he sat across from me.

Sighing, I leaned forward.

"I had a typical dream, but this time Mia was a part of it."

"Christopher, what is a typical dream?" he asked, leaning toward me.

"I – I...Shit!" I erupted, putting my head in my hands.

"It's okay," I heard the frustration in Doctor J's voice.

"I talked to her," I mumbled without looking up.

"You told her? You opened up and told her about that night?" he probed, not bothering to hide his disbelief or excitement.

"Sort of," I exhaled.

"Can you explain 'sort of' to me?" he asked, the chair creaking as he settled back.

"Nicholas had already told her what I'm sure he told you, so she already had an idea. I just included some unknowns."

His mouth opened, but stopped him before he could speak.

"I didn't talk about the whole night," I admitted, still unable to look into his face.

"I see," he sighed. "Well, it's a start. A good start."

I sighed.

"I know you hate this, but can you tell me about your emotions right now?"

"They're the same," I groaned loudly and my stomached churned, contradicting my statement.

"Christopher," he said, not buying it.

"Christ! Look, I'm not sure how I'm feeling, okay?" I said, slouching back in my seat and finally looking at him.

"About...about her knowing?" he asked. I couldn't speak. Instead, I shook my head. "What about then?"

"I'm not sure. I just have this nervous feeling."

Laying my head on the back of the chair, I shifted my eyes from him.

"And, then, this tension was looming over me. I've never felt this after sleeping."

"When did you get nervous? After your dream, after you spoke to her, after you woke up?"

"I thought she would take off running or be terrified after we talked, but she wasn't. She never does what I think she will," I said, the confession feeling surprisingly good to verbalize.

"Okay, so what did you say when you left to come here?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"She was getting ready to go to dinner with someone when I left," I said with a shrug.

The intensity of his examination started to make me fidget.

"Someone?"

"Yeah, she and the rest of the girls are going out with some guy tonight," I said as my stomach tightened again. I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat.

"Are you feeling well?"

"I'm fine."

"Uh huh," he said quietly. We sat in silence for what felt like an hour. "I want to propose something."

Lifting my head, I looked warily at him. There was something in his eyes making me cautious.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I want to try to talk about that night," he suggested, raising a finger to stop my argument. "I want you to bring Mia here with you."

"Are you fucking crazy?!"

"Christopher, you trust her, she comforts you. It seems to be the only thing that helps you deal. If she's here then maybe you can relax enough to talk about it."

"Fuck no!" I snapped, standing from the chair and preparing to leave.

"Sit down!" he said, the tone of his voice stopping me. I'd never heard him angry.

"Christopher, at first, we'll try with her in the same hotel room. If that doesn't work, we can bring her into the same room. This way, if you feel too vulnerable or feel out of control, she can help."

"There's no way I'm using her like that. It's bad enough she already puts up with –"

"She cares about you," he said, his words not only cutting off my argument, but stirring something else inside of me. My body collapsed back into the chair.

"What?" I asked, my voice breathier than I intended.

"If she didn't care, Christopher, she wouldn't do what she's doing. You don't see that?" he asked, his questioning look making me uncomfortable.

I opened my mouth but closed it again, unsure of what to say.

"I'm going to cross a very fine line right now, but I just don't know what else to do with you," he admitted, taking a deep breath. I braced myself for what he was going to say.

"Christopher, you have feelings for Mia. You care for her, deeply. I won't say love, but you definitely feel something more than just security and comfort. Everything you've been doing is showing all the signs –"

"You've lost your fucking –"

"You aren't going to admit it to yourself because that means someone else you care about can be taken away from you," he continued, pausing before he spoke again. "Christopher, let's just try my idea, and if it doesn't work then fuck it. We stay with our current method and hope you make more progress."

He sat back in his chair. I couldn't hold back my chuckle from his use of the word fuck. After staring at each other for a couple of minutes, I broke.

"Fine," I conceded, shaking my head and standing up to leave the room. "Only if she agrees to it."

Jackson, Jimmy, and Elliott were sitting around the living area of the room. All their heads turned to me when I walked in.

"Well, hello there," Elliott spoke first.

"Hey," I mumbled, walking into my room.

Stripping along the way, all I wanted was the shower. It only took five minutes before someone broke into my solitude.

"Hey, man, we're going to head down to the bar for some food and beers. You coming?"

"Yeah, sure. Can you give me fifteen?"

"Cool."

"Hey, Jackson!"

"Yeah man?"

"I'm sorry about –"

"No worries, brother," he replied and shut the bathroom door.

Stepping out of the shower, I took a long look at myself in the fogged mirror. _Did she care about me? Did I care about her?_ Shaking away the plaguing thoughts, I got dressed. Ten minutes later, I was slipping on my shoes and stepping out of my room.

"Let's roll! I'm fucking starving!" Elliott shouted, practically running out our door.

Guilt reared its ugly head. I ran and caught up to Elliott at the elevator doors.

"Elliott, man, I'm sorry about –"

"Dude, shut the fuck up! I do not do Doctor Phil moments," he said, sticking his fist out with an expectant look. I bumped my fist to his. "See, now we're solid."

He smiled widely and took heavy steps onto the elevator. I didn't deserve their forgiveness so easily. It wasn't the first time they had to deal with my shit, and yet here they still were. Having my back, no matter what kind of shit I threw their way.

We were sitting around a table watching Elliott and Jimmy play pool when the sound of singing filtered into the bar from the lobby. We all looked at each other.

"What the hell –" Elliott laughed, breaking off his exclamation.

I followed his gaze, seeing the girls enter the bar. Arm in arm and singing loudly, they strolled toward the bar. Guess they decided to tip the bottle back early. At least they were in key.

" _Now let me get this straight,_

_Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up_ "

They burst out into laughter when they reached the bar. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Elliott move. He reached them and quickly wrapped his arm around Serena. Mia walked over to the antique jukebox and turned on some music. She turned around very dramatically and faced Laney, giving her a come-hither wave of her finger. Laney sauntered over just as Mia started to sing along to the song theatrically. Once Laney reached her, Mia broke out into the goofiest fucking dance move I had ever seen. Laney and Mia both laughed out. I couldn't help the small chuckle that snuck past my lips. My thoughts reverted to Doctor J's comments about me having feelings for Mia.

Did I like her? Sure, I guess. I didn't not like her, I suppose. There wasn't much not to like about her. Are my feelings stronger than like? I don't...

"He's such an ass," Jackson said breaking me out of my thoughts. He motioned his head to Elliott flamboyantly singing. I nodded in agreement and pulled my water glass to my mouth. Elliott walked back over to the table, grabbing his beer and smiling from ear to ear.

"Are you seriously ditching our game?" Jimmy asked disbelief.

"Dude, see that amazing hot ass chick waiting for me over there?" he responded, pausing for effect. "Now take a look at you."

He paused again.

"I think you should now have formed the correct response to your absurd questioning."

"True," Jimmy agreed with a nod. "It would take her being drunk to get with your ugly ass."

Jimmy laughed and plopped into the seat next to me. Jackson and I laughed out.

"Not one of them is drunk, you stupid fucks," Elliott said with a wink.

"Are you serious?"

The three of them turned and looked at me as if it were the first time I'd ever spoken. Elliott shook his head.

"Yeah, I'm serious. They just like to have a good time without worrying about what people think. Something that you," he pointed directly at me, "Mister Emo-Boy, should give a try."

He smiled and headed back, taking Serena and Kat under his arms.

"He's right," Jackson said, looking at me. I glared.

"What?" he asked.

"He's right?" Jackson repeated.

"It's true, dude. You need to lighten the fuck up," Jimmy chimed in. He smacked the back of my head and left the table.

"Well, fuck me if I'm going to sit here with you when I could be over there," Jackson said, punching my shoulder and chuckling.

Finishing my water, I headed up to the bar for another when I felt a presence next to me. Looking down to my right, my eyes landed on Serena, who was giving me an intense, despising look. _The fuck I do to her?_

"Can I help you?"

"Don't you dare hurt her."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," she asserted, poking me hard in my chest before turning away. _I was starting to get really fed up with people shoving me around._

Looking up, I locked eyes with Mia. She smiled warmly and then looked away. My chest tightened up. I wanted her to look back at me again. Growling at myself silently, I shook it off.

We headed back to our rooms. When we reached the girls' hotel room, Laney wrapped her arm around mine and pulled me into the suite with her. She sat on the couch and pulled me down next to her.

Everyone sat around while Laney set up iPods for the 'Name that Song' game. Laney had decided she would set everyone up with a partner. Serena and Elliott, Jimmy and Kat, and then she put Mia and I together. I looked to Mia. She didn't seem bothered by it.

I needed to stop overanalyzing this shit. Everything was fine until Doctor fucking J, head shrink extraordinaire, decided to put in his two cents about caring and shit. No one asked for his fucking opinion. Now I feel like a tool. Any time Mia is around, I start thinking about my feelings and shit; if she cared, if she felt something I was missing. Over fucking analyzing. Making sand castles out of air.

I decided to shake it off. Mia didn't look uncomfortable, so I wouldn't be either. Laney began the game while sitting on Jackson's lap – deeming him the tiebreaker judge. Mia and I were a force to be reckoned with. She was good, and we complemented each other well. I wasn't big on hip-hop or rap, and she didn't have the classical background knowledge I did. In the end, we dominated.

Soon, the beers and the late hour had gotten to everyone. Two by two, they started to dwindle off to bed. Jackson took Laney with him by piggyback. Elliott quickly followed Serena to her room, without invitation. Jimmy disappeared, as did Kat. I didn't see them go together, but I assumed.

Mia stood and walked into her room. I got up from the couch not knowing what to do. I fidgeted for a minute wondering if I should go back to my room or just jump in her bed. I didn't want to be presumptuous and just take her shit over, charge in as if I own the place.

"You coming?" she asked, breaking through my inner debate. I didn't say anything. "I'd prefer not to be woken up at two, three, or four in the morning if you don't mind."

I tensed and scowled until I heard her laugh lightly. She was teasing me.

I walked into her room and quickly realized I didn't have anything to change into. I stood there slightly awkwardly and watched her walk into the bathroom. _Fuck it._ I stripped down to my boxers and climbed under the covers. Ten minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom and slid in next to me. My body twitched all over to get closer to her. I brought my hands up behind my head to prevent them from reaching out.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice hushed but loud enough to make me jerk in her direction.

"Uh...yeah."

Nothing else was said. Instead of falling quickly asleep, I found my mind wandering, once again, back to the doctor and his oh-so-amazing words of wisdom. I wondered how she was going to react to sitting in one of my sessions with me. If she was finally going to tell us all to go fuck ourselves.

Mia's warm body pressed firmly against me, tearing me from my thoughts. She draped her arm over my chest and wrapped her leg around my waist. Her face pressed into the crook of my neck. Her warm breaths tickling my skin told me she was asleep. My cock stirred at her warmth. Everywhere she touched burned as if tiny fireworks were erupting from my nerve endings.

Angling my head, I looked down at her. Instead of sleeping, I got lost in her again. By the time I was finished watching her sleep, I think I'd memorized every line, curve, freckle, the exact spot of her nose piercing, the small v- shaped scar near her hairline, and any other mark on her face. Wrapping my arms around her, the calm and ease rushed over me. Like the addict I am, I overdosed on her.

**  
**

Chapter Seventeen

Mia

Waking up next to Christopher wasn't something new. However, this morning I woke up wrapped around a half-naked Christopher. Our bodies pressed into each other, my palm resting flat on his tattooed chest, inner thigh pressed firmly against his _extra band member_. Oh, Holy Baby Jesus, he was sporting morning wood. It was overwhelming; his scent, the physical contact...the size of him. It has been too long. My body peaked to attention as my libido did a happy dance, thinking the drought was over.

His left arm snugly wrapped around me, his hand flat against my lower back, his fingertips grazing the band of my pajama shorts. As I tried to slide away slowly, praying he wouldn't wake up and see me draped across him, he tightened his hold and rolled so we were chest to chest. My hard nipples rubbing against his hard chest caused me to gasp.

Suddenly, he rolled bringing my leg up over his hip. My lady-boner firmly pressed against his erection and I almost wept. In joy, in pleasure, in pain and torture...I didn't know. But, my libido was ready to dance around his pole, complete with crotchless panties and stilettos. I could have him right now if I wanted. Strip him down, run my lips along his long, hard...I shook my head, these thoughts weren't doing any good. _Focus, Mia!_

When his right hand slid further down, now partially on my butt, I took deep calming breaths. Inhaling his scent did nothing but fuel the fire already burning an inferno inside of me. The heat built between our bodies. I had to fight from pushing forward and grinding against the large erection winking at me less than an inch away, taunting me with its presence and promises of orgasms. I mentally slapped a chastity belt on and ignored my urges.

Biting my lip, I started to pull away. When I lifted my leg, his lower body shifted forward. I gasped. _Oh, holy motherfucker, that feels way too good. All of my inner turmoil flew out the window._ His eyes fluttered open and widened. He looked down at me, but didn't move. I couldn't speak, afraid of what may actually come out of my mouth. Apparently, he couldn't either.

"Mia!" Serena shouted from the other side of the door.

We both jumped and our bodies smacked against each other in all the right places. _Fuck! I'm going to have a bitch of a case of blue lady-lips._ Both of us gasped and rolled away from each other.

"Yeah?" I called in a shaky voice, sitting up on the edge of my bed, my thighs seeking out friction against each other.

"We need to get ready to go."

"Okay," I yelled, walking straight to the bathroom. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to run back to Christopher and hump his leg, among other things.

Thoroughly showering, applying two layers of lotion, brushing my teeth twice, and actually doing my hair, I killed as much time as possible in the bathroom, hoping that he bolted from my room first chance he got. I walked out of the bathroom and sighed in relief that he had indeed followed our routine. Once dressed, I started bagging and tagging my things.

There was a knock at my door. I turned to see Una standing with Christopher's doctor.

"Hey," I half-smiled.

"You all ready for Cleveland?" Una asked, entering with the doctor close to her side. I nodded.

"What's up?"

"Good morning, Mia. I'm Doctor J. We briefly met the other night," he said, shaking hands with me. "I'd like to speak with you for a minute, if that's okay."

"Um...sure, I'm about done here so just –"

"Xander will finish it up for you, Mia," Una offered, smiling as Xander quickly came in. I smiled at him.

"Okay...well, where would you like to talk?"

"Here's fine," he replied, motioning around the hotel room. Nodding slowly, I sat down on the bed.

Xander and some of the crew grabbed my bags, closing the door behind them.

"So, Mia," he began.

"Yeah?" I responded, chewing on my lip.

"I've been trying to work on getting Christopher to talk about the night that haunts him, among other things."

I nodded in understanding.

"What I would like to do is have you there during one of his sessions. Do you –"

"Whoa...wait a minute. Aren't those supposed to be private or something?"

"I think that private between you and Christopher passed some time ago," he said, offering a smile and a light chuckle.

"Good point," I mumbled as warmth crept over my neck, chin, and cheeks.

"Christopher has already agreed to having you there, but only if you're willing, of course. Are you willing?"

"Do I have to do anything?" I asked nervously.

"Just whatever it is you do now," he said with a smile. "Listen, at first we're just going to have you close by. If necessary, we'll have you join the session. Obviously, you seem to calm him, so I'm hoping it's enough to get him to open up a little. I believe this will be the first big step for him, if it works."

Silently, I sat thinking about it.

How did I get into this? Oh, I know...the asshole carried me, sleeping, into this. I'm going to kill him. I took a deep breath, hoping it would clear some of the nervousness and tension from my body. I'll just feel like shit if I don't agree, and even if they attempt this without me, I'm sure I'll just have another frantic visit to diffuse.

"Okay," I agreed, my voice was just above a whisper.

"Wonderful," he said, standing. "Thank you, Mia. I think this will be good for him."

Hesitantly nodding again, I half-smiled.

"Mia, can I ask something without you being terribly angry?"

Looking up at him, I furrowed my brow.

"Sure," I answered reluctantly.

"Do you care about Christopher?"

My mouth fell open. How...why...would he think...? Maybe because you sleep with Christopher every night even after all his crap. Maybe because you step into crazy situations to help him.

"That's what I thought," he said, smiling without waiting for my answer.

"I didn't say –"

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. You do realize it's okay to care about him?"

I stayed silent. He chuckled.

"You two are definitely an unusual pair. Well, just so you know, there seems to be some sort of connection with you two regardless of the other stuff," he commented with a smile. "I'll probably have his next session in Cleveland, so I'll try to work something out with both your schedules while we're there, okay?"

I nodded and he left. Throwing myself back on the bed, I released a large puff of air. _The shit I get myself into._

Christopher

Waking up in the compromising position was slightly shocking, but mostly pleasing. My head screamed to let go of her since she was clearly trying to pull away. My body, on the other hand, locked up and screamed to roll her over and drill into her until she screamed my name.

My body was close to winning the internal battle until Serena caused a completely different effect. We both jumped and the friction was almost too much. If she hadn't scrambled to the edge of the bed so quickly, I would have definitely followed my body's demand for her.

Being around her after that little episode would have been more than fucking awkward. So, I did what I do best. Evade and run like hell, ignoring my body telling me to run in the bathroom, press her against the tiled wall, and have my dirty way with her. I received some confused looks from Kat and Laney when I exited shirtless.

We were halfway to Cleveland when the doctor called me.

"Hello?"

"Hey," he responded. "I wanted to let you know that we'll be scheduling a session together in Cleveland, and Mia will be joining us, okay?"

I was silent for a moment.

"She agreed?"

"Of course she did. I told you she would."

"Okay, thanks."

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

She really agreed to this.

We ended up meeting the day after we'd gotten to the hotel in Cleveland. I arrived to the room first, and Doctor J ushered me in. I took a seat.

"How are you feeling today?"

"No, how are you today, Christopher? No, how was your trip? Always straight in with emotional bullshit." I remarked, slouching back into the soft couch cushions. I was starting to get nervous, really fucking nervous. Like I'm about to whip my cock out on stage. That kind of nervous bordering on petrified.

He laughed.

I tried to get comfortable, but knew this was going to be hard, really hard. In fact, I don't think I can do this. The door opened, and the doc greeted Mia. He motioned her in. She was chewing on her lip again. Sighing, I forced a smile when she glanced in my direction. Her nervous smile brought guilt into the fucked up mess of my emotions. The doctor showed her into the other room and then settled down in a chair across from me.

"Okay, this is going to be hard, and I realize that, but I think it'll be good," he said with a slight nod, smiling at me. "Let's start off slowly, though. Tell me about your mother."

"Her name was Margaret, and I look a lot like her," I offered with a shrug.

"Go on," he pushed. I shrugged again.

"Christopher, you have to try here. Tell me about the relationship with your mother. What do you remember from your childhood?"

"I remember her laugh," I spoke quietly. "She was funny and always happy."

"Continue," he pushed again.

"She used to chase me around and tickle me, used to have me help her bake, and she always ran her fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head for no reason."

Pausing, I tried to avoid the tears threatening to push past my lids. Taking a deep breath, I continued to talk about what a great mother she was, how much I loved her, and how much love radiated from her.

"Good. She sounds like she was a wonderful mother and woman, Christopher. You are very lucky."

His words angered me. Fire burned in my chest.

"Lucky? How am I fucking lucky? She's fucking dead!"

"Yes, but you had her in your life. You got to experience her greatness and keep it alive in you."

Still disgusted with his comment, I diverted my eyes to the wall behind him.

"Tell me about Colin, before it got bad. Was he always a difficult man?"

"No," was all my anger would allow me to say.

"I know you hate him now, Christopher, but please think back to when you didn't. Trust me, it will be okay," he said, trying to reassure me. _Fat fucking chance._ Talking about Colin was never a good thing.

"Fine," I spat. "He was, at one point, the ideal father; baseball, football, the whole nine yards. Always into the father-son shit."

"Okay, when did it change?"

"I was around seven, I guess."

"What changed?"

"Look, he knew I wasn't his biological son. I didn't know until I was around six. That's when they had an argument and I overheard what he was saying," I said, drawing a deep breath. "My mother was pregnant."

"Your mother had another child?"

"Yes, but it died at birth or something. I didn't exactly get told the details," I said, shrugging again.

"So, what happened?"

"They grieved."

"How did they grieve?"

"Colin became angry. My mother and I became closer."

"Explain the anger, please."

"He started drinking a lot and they argued more, but it wasn't too bad. Then he lost his job at the bank because of his drinking, and things got worse. He started verbally abusing my mother; calling her a whore, calling me a bastard, telling her she caused the death of the baby. Shit like that," I continued, clenching my fists.

"When did it turn physical?"

"My mother got a job to pick up where Colin was lacking. After he found a job, it wasn't enough, so she kept working, but only part time. He didn't like it and kept trying to force her to quit. She wouldn't."

My nose flared as I deeply inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm the anger.

"I was about nine years old when I saw her bruised for the first time. She tried to say she hurt herself by accident, but eventually I realized he was doing it to her."

My body started shaking with anger, and Doctor J could see it, too, because he stopped questioning me. Sitting quietly, he waited for me to get myself under control. I was shaking my leg, and my knuckles were bone white.

He finally broke the silence and pulled me from the images starting to seep into my head.

"Christopher, do you want to stop?"

I couldn't answer.

"Christopher?"

Shaking my head 'no', my body started to go into the frenzy of feelings. I could see her. My mother was lying on the floor in her own blood. The rage was coming. I slammed the palms of my hands onto the table and clutched the edge, trying to stop it, but I couldn't. Rocking, the tears that I had tried so hard to contain rolled over my cheek to the edge of my lips. I brought my hands to my face and roughly wiped them away.

"Fuck! This is why I don't want to talk about it!"

Screaming through my hands, I dug my fingernails into my scalp at my hairline. A cocoon of comfort wrapped around me and a hand was on my head.

"Shhh," she whispered.

As if she was some sort of magnet, I leaned my head onto her, wrapping my arms around her.

"It's okay," she whispered.

The doctor watched the exchange between us, but I didn't care. She was here and she helped.

"Can you continue?" he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I nodded.

"Are you sure?" she whispered to me.

"Just don't leave. Don't leave me," I said quietly, and her embrace tightened. Sitting upright, she scooted next to me holding my hand.

"Okay, whenever you're ready to continue," Doctor J spoke softer than before.

"It started happening almost every night. Her begging him to go to bed, or her screaming because he'd hit her, scared her, or broke something."

I paused and Mia leaned against me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Her cheek pressed to my shoulder as she laced our fingers together. Looking down at our entwined hands, I finally centered myself. I continued.

"Then, he became more physical with me, shoving me and smacking me in the head. My mother wouldn't stand for it, but he would just attack her, too. If I intervened, he would toss me into a closet and lock me in until she would come for me."

A sob broke through my lips. Mia ran her hand in circles on my back. I looked over at her, and saw tears running over her cheek.

"Can you tell me about that night?" Dr. J pushed, and the image flashed.

My hands tightened to fists. When Mia flinched away from me, I realized I'd been squeezing her hand too tightly. Releasing her hand, I pulled her to me, hoping she wouldn't leave after I hurt her.

She pulled away. Panic and defeat begin to fill my chest, until she slid behind me on the couch. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my chest. With her face pressed to my back, I took a deep breath and laid my hand on top of the one she placed over my heart.

"My mother and I were watching television together when he got home. It was something we did every night before I went to bed. When she heard him come in, she pulled me closer and wrapped her arms around me, kissing my head. I felt so safe in her arms, so comforted, loved. I could deal with anything we went through as long as I had her next to me, always. She was my rock, my best friend...my only friend it seemed like. She was my world.

"We sat quietly and I had started to nod off, listening to the sound of her steady heartbeat as my head lay on her chest. There was a crash in the kitchen that jerked me awake. I spun around and looked into my mother eyes. I don't know what I was hoping to find, but I saw fear flash through them. I didn't know what set him off, all I knew was that she was scared. In turn, I was scared. He started screaming and stormed into the living. There was fire in his eyes, like the depths of hell resided in his soul."

I could feel myself trembling. I felt like I was stuck in my living nightmare. The visuals were slipping through my mind so clearly, it was like it was happening all over again.

Mia's embrace tightened.

"Without warning, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from my mother. She screamed for him to stop, but he shoved her back down onto the couch, screaming, "Don't you fucking move, bitch. I'm not fucking done with you." I was terrified, trying to figure out a way to stop him. He stalked back toward me. I wanted to run, to yell, to punch him, something. But, I couldn't, I was frozen in that moment. All I kept thinking was he was mad at me, if I went away maybe he wouldn't hurt her.

He grabbed me by the back of my neck and shoved me out of the room. I fell, but he wasn't deterred. He picked me up by the arm, and dragged me to my room, the whole time yelling, "You're a fucking mistake. How could either of you think I could ever love a bastard son? You don't deserve the air you breathe, the money it takes to feed you. You are nothing!"

Mia's whimper momentarily wrenched me from my memories. Tears were pouring down my face, and hers. Reaching around, I grabbed her arm and pulled her to my right. With her legs still on either side of me, I pressed my side into her chest. Her fingers moved through my hair. Sighing, I closed my eyes at the feeling.

"My mother stood up and shoved him away from me. She told me to go to my room and lock the door. I didn't want to leave her alone, leave her with him, but I did as she asked. I sat on my bed listening to him berate her repeatedly. He called her a whore, accused her of killing their child. Said she was a worthless piece of shit that protected the wrong child. I could hear her crying, trying to soothe his anger. She said that she loved both of her children, would never dream of hurting either of us. He roared back at her and suddenly everything was quiet except for her light whimpers. A thud and a scream broke the silence. I couldn't just sit there while she was protecting me, doing what she always did. I needed to help her, should have been the one protecting her," I cried out. Taking a deep breath, trying to control the tears choking me, I continued on, "I ran out of the room and tried to attack him, but I was too weak. He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back into my room, throwing me into the closet, locking me inside. I curled into a ball in the corner with my hands over my ears. I couldn't listen...I couldn't listen to how helpless she was knowing I couldn't do anything. I tried to block it all out, but her screams and moans of pain filtered through."

I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand, and Mia ran both hands over me. Her heartbeat increasing in my ear.

"Suddenly the door opened and she was there, like an angel coming to rescue me. She reached her arms out to me and I clung to her with everything I had, every muscle in my body. I hugged her so tightly. I pulled my head away from her shoulder and saw how bloody her face was, bruising and swelling already starting to mar her features. There was no way his fist had done that to her face. It had to be something else. She kissed my head and told me not to worry, that everything would be okay. She told me that she was fine, that it didn't hurt that bad. She attempted to carry me over to my bed but she was limping so badly we almost fell. I told her to put me down, that I could help her.

"'No, baby, I don't need help. I need you to be safe. Go, go get on your bed,' she said as she shoved my dresser in front of the door. She limped over to the bed and curled up around me, cocooning me with her warmth, her love. She held me so close to her I could feel how fast her heart was beating. She kissed my face, over and over. Told me how much she loved me, how she would never let anything happen to me. That I needed to be strong for her and she would be strong for me. She kissed both of my eyelids and said, "I love you, Christopher, to the moon and back, always and forever." She continued to say the words over and over again while gently rocking us on the bed. His screaming and pounding started up again and she held me closer.

"A deafening roar shot the room and my ears started ringing. She clasped the sides of my head, covering my ears. When I looked up at her, I saw the mixture of fear and love in her eyes. "'I'm so sorry,' she said," I snorted. "She fucking apologized before that bastard pushed the door in and shoved the dresser away."

I buried my face in Mia's chest.

"It's okay," she whispered against my ear. It took a moment, but I found my voice again.

"She shoved me off the bed to the floor and got up, standing over me. She was protecting me again. Her face was so bloody, bruised, and swollen she was almost unrecognizable, but she stood in front me, ready to take on an army to protect me. He got through the door and stalked toward us. His eyes looked black, no remorse left. His movements were jerky. She must have seen something I didn't because after a couple of minutes, she told me to run. Thinking she was coming behind me, I ran. I was almost to the front door when I heard her scream. That's when I realized that she wasn't behind me at all, but still fighting. She was going to do whatever it took to make sure I was safe."

Clenching my eyes shut, I fisted the cushion beneath us. A ripping sound filled the silence.

"Christopher, we can stop," I barely heard the doc say. There was no turning back at this point, I was stuck in the past, reliving the day that broke me for so many years.

"'No, please don't!' she screamed. I knew I had to go back to her, for her. I couldn't just run away. She needed me and I had to do anything I could to help her get out with me."

"It's okay, Christopher," Mia said in a hushed tone, sending a rush of emotion through my chest. "Of course you couldn't. No one expected you to. It's okay."

Sucking in a ragged breath, I tried to calm myself. My words almost sounded garbled and I felt like I was drowning in my own fucking tears. Taking in a deep breath, I let it out, hiccupping. I took in another and started again.

"I finally reached the bedroom door and stopped short. He was pointing a gun in my face. I heard a click and saw movement in front of me. It was her," I choked on the last words.

"I felt her blood splatter across my face, but I couldn't hear anything. The ringing in my ears was so loud I could barely comprehend what had just happened. I looked up and saw him yelling but I couldn't hear. I wiped my face and looked down at my mother, lifeless on the floor in front of me. In that moment, I saw red. Everything around me became hued in shades of red and my vision became tunneled, the ringing replaced by blood pounding through my ears."

My body rocked back and forth slightly as Mia held on tightly. When I almost brought us off the couch onto the floor, Doctor J twitched to catch us. But, before it could happen, Mia put both hands on my head and spoke softly into my ear trying to relax me. I took in her soothing words and calming energy, allowed it to fill my present self with the strength to continue.

"He blamed me, told me it was supposed to be me and that I'd caused her death. He grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall, away from my mother. Then he leaned down," I said, my rage fighting against the pulsing touch of Mia. "He pulled her into his arms and cradled her," I sneered, feeling the same rage I felt that day.

"What did you do, Christopher?" Doctor J's voice was like a shock to my system.

"I screamed at him for touching her. How dare he fucking touch her after everything he did to her. After he fucking killed her!" I screamed out, "I attacked him, went after him with rage consuming my by body and adrenaline pumping through every vein. I tried to fight him, tried to gouge at him with my nails, but he was too strong. He overpowered me, throwing me back against the wall. He started screaming at me again, grabbing the gun from the puddle of blood it had fallen into. He pointed it back at me, screaming at the top of his lungs. But, I didn't hear anything, not a word. He cocked the gun and I moved, flying toward him and catching his legs as he pulled the trigger."

I was shaking, feeling every ounce of anger I felt that night. My stomach gurgled and bile rose up fighting against my anger.

"Christopher, what happened then? It's okay. You only did what was necessary at the time."

"The gun slid across the floor. I got to it first," I continued, numbness finally seeping in. "He tried to stand but there was so much blood on the floor, he slid. He fucking slid on her blood!" I roared, the numbness evaporating into pure fucking hatred again.

"It's okay. Let's stop," Doctor J suggested, sounding concerned and tense. Mia only held onto me and continued to whisper in my ear.

"I walked over to him with the gun," I said, a sneer tugging at my lips. "He pleaded with me."

I snorted.

"He had the fucking nerve to beg for his life, while my mother's blood was soaking into his clothes."

Mia's chest jerked, a soft cry escaping her lips.

"I held the gun to his head and pulled the trigger," I confessed, all emotion gone. My hardened eyes focused in on Doctor J. "I killed him and I'd do it again. And again."

It was quiet for a long time. The doctor didn't say a word. Mia's light cries were all I heard. She held me tighter than I could ever remember being held.

"You defended yourself, Christopher. You were just a boy, who watched a man that you trusted and loved, take away your mother," he sighed heavily. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I killed him," I growled. "And I'm glad that he's dead! I'm happy I did it!"

"It's time to let go, Christopher," he said, pausing. "I think that's enough now."

Sagging against her body, I closed my eyes and cried. It was silent for a moment, before the sound of a door echoed in the room. Opening my eyes, I saw the chair where Doctor J had sat was now empty. I buried my face once more into Mia, who was wiping tears from her face.

"Are you alright?" she whispered.

"I don't know," I whispered. The numbness had overcome me once again during my confession. "Thank you."

"Just remember me in your next Grammy speech," she shot back.

I couldn't help but chuckle. It wasn't wholehearted laughter, but I was more than thankful to her for making the situation lighter.

After readjusting so that my back was against the couch and she was in front of my body, I kept my head pressed to her chest. My arms wrapped around her upper and her lower back, and she kept her arms around my shoulders. We lay there for I don't know how long. She just held me and allowed me to hold her.

It was in this moment I become conscious of three things. One, my nights were going to change; for better or for worse, I wasn't sure. Two, I was scared Mia would run away from me now that she knew I was a heartless murderer. And, three, I didn't want to ever be without Mia.

**  
**

Chapter Eighteen

Mia

The doctor hadn't come for me, but when Christopher's voice raised, the urge to go to him took over. He seemed to be at the panic point and he needed me. I couldn't just lurk in the shadows listening to him relive something that haunts him to this day. Plus, I needed him too. In order for me to be strong for him, I needed him to ground me, give me something solid to hold onto. Doctor J smiled when I glanced over and wrapped my arms around Christopher.

Listening to everything Christopher said made my stomach turn. It sickened me that someone could put a little boy through that. It was heartbreaking and devastating. I tried to stay strong and not cry, but there was no avoiding it. Not when I could feel his pain. It made my heart bleed while his lay open like a wound.

By the end of the session, I was emotionally exhausted. Christopher readjusted our position, and I fell asleep. Doctor J returned to his suite some time later and I jerked awake, causing Christopher to wake as well.

I went back to my room, leaving Christopher and Doctor J behind to talk more.

Back in the suite, we were doing our own thing. Kat and Serena were curled up on the couch watching a movie. Laney was browsing clothes on her laptop, and I was in my room with my guitar and notebook. They were watching me, but no one asked, and I didn't want to talk about it. Besides, it wasn't my story to tell.

I took all of the emotions inside of me and let them bleed onto the paper, expelling them from myself. A few hours had passed when Una arrived. The song wasn't done but it was a start. She ushered us to the arena for stage rehearsal.

We crossed paths with The Forgotten, but didn't say anything. Deep down, I wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. I wasn't sure if I should expect my sleeping buddy or not, but I didn't have to wonder for too long. We'd just stepped into our rooms when there was a knock at the door.

Serena gave me an unsure smile as I answered the door. He looked a mess when I opened the door. He wasn't panicked or freaking, but he looked distraught. Stepping back, I allowed him space to enter. Instead of walking by me, he wrapped his arms around me. Holding me tightly to his chest, he exhaled and relaxed the tension in his body. I pushed the door shut and stood there for a few moments.

Reaching behind my back, I tried to pull his hands from my waist, but he wouldn't let go. Slowly, I began coaxing him toward my bedroom. Tripping over his feet a couple of times, he finally loosened his hold.

I took his hand and pulled him into my room. I released his hand, and he sat on the bed as I started toward the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

My heart ached at the desperation in his voice.

"Shower," I offered my quick and quiet response, grabbing some pajamas. "I'll be quick."

I hoped it was reassuring, but I don't think I succeeded. Braiding my damp hair, I clasped the end when I exited the bathroom. He hadn't moved. Seated in the same spot, he stared at nothing. Slowly, I walked toward his stoic presence.

"Chris?"

He didn't respond.

"Christopher?"

Still nothing.

I reached out, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," I said, keeping my voice low and tilting my head to get him to look at me.

In one briefly startling moment, his hand came up and grasped my forearm.

"You okay?"

Christopher didn't respond. Instead, he pulled me toward him and then onto the bed. Laying us down, he buried his face into my neck and wrapped his arms around me. His racing heart thudded against my chest, and his tears dampened my neck. Rubbing slow circles on his back and running my other hand through his damp hair, I hoped I was helping.

The clock wasn't in my line of sight when he started twitching and groaning in his sleep. Cupping his face, I tried to whisper words of reassurance. He was still working through the aftermath of his session, and I began to think about his disclosures.

He purposely killed a man. But, the man deserved it. My own thoughts shocked me. A heavy jerk of his body pulled me from my deliberation. He was really struggling tonight and I felt helpless.

"No, don't," he mumbled against my chest. "Don't leave me," "I'm sorry," "My fault," and "Please," were just some of the pleas he made throughout the night. All I could do was run my hand through his hair and hold him as tightly as possible.

Waking the next morning, I was exhausted, but my bladder screamed for relief. I stretched out, Christopher's solid body wrapped around me. He shifted around and tightened up.

"Don't leave," he mumbled into my back.

"Just give me a minute. I'll be back, okay?" I replied, patting his hand and feeling him hesitantly loosen up.

Once in the bathroom, I got down to business. Bladder came first, teeth second, and twisting my braid to the back of my head, third.

When I climbed back into bed, Christopher instantly reached over, grabbing my left hand and pulling me onto my side, against his back. Lacing his fingers into mine, he held our entwined hand to his chest. I rested my cheek against his back.

His heart thumped against our hands. The beat accelerated. He was still struggling, and I felt so bad for him. Deciding I could definitely sleep more, I let myself relax into the new position. Closing my eyes, I took one deep breath.

"Are you afraid of me?"

He said it so low, I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or if I was hearing things in my half-sleep state.

"N-no."

He exhaled a breath he had been holding.

"Do you hate me?"

"Why would I?"

"Do you?" he demanded, a frustrated edge to his voice.

"No," I answered, quick and honest.

"You did hate me," he stated, more of a fact than a question.

"I hated how you were being toward me, toward all of us. You didn't even know us and....and, well, you were being an asshole."

His body shook slightly, and I realized he was laughing.

"Thank you, Mia."

"For calling you an asshole?"

He laughed silently again.

"Yeah, and not running and screaming after everything."

After that he didn't say anything else, we just lay there in silence.

He smelled so good and familiar. I lay against his back letting his scent absorb into every pore. The spark in my stomach lit just from his smell. Feeling him against my body made the spark ignite into a flame. My libido peeked up once again, stretched and began slipping on fishnets. I forced it into a cold shower.

Christopher

The images and memories had flooded me throughout the rest of the day and evening. Doctor J talked to me one-on-one after Mia left. He had given me some anxiety medication. He warned me of the aftermath of my session, but he would be following us on tour a little longer for my sake.

I got back to my room where Jackson was on _psycho watch_. Lying in bed, I was alone and sobbing like a little girl. Doctor J came in to talk with me and give me some other medication to calm me. We couldn't even do our rehearsal because of the state of my pathetic ass.

I slept for around three hours. The rest of the time, I spent tossing and turning, pacing my room, and taking shower after shower. When I emerged from my room, Jackson appraised my state. He half-heartedly smiled when he realized I was still a wreck. I headed for her room hoping she was there. If I could just feel her next to me, I knew I would be better.

The door opened slowly. Once I saw her, my raw emotions drew me to her. I wrapped myself around her. After her stumbled attempts toward the bedroom, I finally allowed her to move us. I knew there was the possibility of freaking her out with the way I was acting, but, like I said, I'm an addict and she is the drug.

While she showered, there was nothing to do, except think. My mind was lost in that night and the session, until her hand was on me. The moment she was on the bed, I buried myself into her scent and the feel of her skin.

In the morning, all I could think was she had to be terrified and even hate me by this point. There's no way she cared the way Doctor J seemed to believe. So, when she got back into bed, I wrapped her around me. No matter how much I feared the answers, I needed to know.

She seemed to be completely honest, calling me an asshole as well as answering my questions. Thanking her was the very least I could fucking do. There was so much more I wanted from her at this point. She just didn't know it, and I was too much of a pussy to say it aloud. The risk of rejection was far too great.

Una and Xander's arrival interrupted my little cuddle session. It was almost time to leave for the arena for tonight's concert.

It was odd how no one looked twice at Mia and me lying in bed anymore. They moved around us as if it was nothing at all. However, in all honesty, it had become so much more than fucking nothing. At least for me it had. _Maybe it had always been more and I just didn't want to see it._ I was too fucking wrecked to entertain that thought.

Finally, I relinquished my hold on her and left to get ready for the night. I did so reluctantly. She was walking out of her room behind me when I stopped and turned to her. I only looked into her eyes for a moment and ran my fingers along her cheek. She looked confused as I turned and went on my way. The tingling in my fingertips remained throughout the morning.

Sitting backstage, waiting for Hushed Mentality to finish their set, I noticed the room was uncommonly silent. It was obviously because of me, but I couldn't handle the sneak peeks they were giving when they thought I couldn't see them.

"Okay, just fucking say it already," I opened, sounding just as defeated as I felt.

"Say what?" Jackson asked with a shrug.

"Whatever the fuck it is that you guys are so quiet about, it's driving me fucking insane." Eyeing each of them one at a time, I waited for someone to answer me.

"Dude..." Elliott started.

"Elliott," Jimmy hissed.

"Someone better fucking tell me!"

Jackson leaned forward.

"Look, Dayton was cancelled."

I shrugged.

"That means we have a week off, actually ten days," he continued. "We're flying back to Seattle tomorrow morning."

"Okay, so what's the big fucking deal?"

"The girls are going back home to Whidbey Island," Elliott said quietly.

That's when it sunk in. Mia would be hours away.

"Christopher, stay focused brother, we have to go on stage soon."

"I fucking know that," I snapped, scowling at him. "I survived before Mia, if you remember. I can fucking survive without her," I growled, turning my attention to the filthy fucking wall across from me.

"Barely." I heard someone say under their breath.

Before I could say anything else, the stage assistant came back to take us to the stage.

The next morning brought us to the airport. I talked to Doctor J on the phone before we left, and he thought it would be a good opportunity for me to try some nights alone.

Slowly, I climbed on the private jet. Mia was in her normal sleeping position with her oversized sweatshirt and iPod. After liftoff, I got up and sat next to her, undetected. As soon as we started to descend, I went back to the back of the plane pretending to gather my things as an excuse.

We stepped off the plane and two separate cars awaited us. The larger van would take the girls to Whidbey Island, and our car would take us to our Seattle home. A twinge in my stomach turned into a knot when Mia gave me a small wave as she climbed into the van. Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair and forced myself into the car.

Our first night home, the guys tried to keep me distracted. We went out to dinner, played pool at our favorite bar, and they even considered a strip club. I couldn't believe the extent to which they were going. The fact was, I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, and truthfully, I just wanted her.

I took the pills and showered. Hoping the combination would help me sleep, but it didn't help my nerves when I got into bed alone. It took me awhile to settle my thoughts. Eventually the pills took over and I fell into unconsciousness.

Waking six hours later, the dreams weren't gone completely; however, the rage and pain wasn't as severe. I was better at handling it, and felt better about that. Now a new feeling surrounded me with more intensity than it had ever before.

Loneliness. The bed was empty and cold.

We spent some days at the studio working on some tracks, other days doing some appearances on local news and radio shows, along with a satellite broadcasts. Paparazzi followed us everywhere we went, and this particular evening, they were staking out the bar we were in.

Jimmy and Jackson were playing pool. Elliott had disappeared twenty minutes ago. I had to wonder if he'd resorted back to his previous tendencies and taken off with the pink-haired girl I saw approach him earlier.

"Oh. My. God! You're him, aren't you?"

The squealed question caused me to choke on my beer. Looking over my shoulder, a tall strawberry blonde stood wearing a star struck look and barely anything else.

"I can't believe it's you!"

Her dress could have possibly been a shirt with a belt wrapped around the waist.

"You are _the_ Christopher Mason, right?" she asked, inviting herself to sit next to me.

Her dress rode up and her boobs were one small squeeze from popping out of the low neckline. I nodded to her cleavage.

"Oh! My! God!" she squealed, tossing her head back. "This is amazing! I so love you!"

Her hand came down on my thigh. If I wanted her, I could have her.

"You're so amazing," she said, her voice dropping seductively and her hand creeping toward my crotch.

Jimmy caught my attention for a moment. He was behind her with a large smile and giving me his thumbs up approval. My first thought was to agree, but then she moved closer. Her floral perfume hit me, and her hand slid inside the crease of my groin. I must've lost my ever loving mind. Next thing I knew, I grabbed her hand and pulled it from my leg. She looked as surprised as I was, but then something else took hold of me. It felt fucking wrong. She wasn't right. The fake hair, make-up, lack of clothing, and her smell. It was all wrong. Standing, I marched off to the men's room.

Once I was safely inside, I leaned back against the door and took a deep breath. I'd lost my fucking mind. That girl was completely my type. She was throwing herself at me. I was sure I could've brought her into the stall and fucked her every which way. _What the hell was going on with me? She wasn't Mia._ I shook the thought from my head. If that was the case then I was fucking screwed and my cock wasn't going to be screwed at all.

"So, nothing else is going on?"

Elliott's voice caught my attention. Slowly, I climbed onto the toilet looking down into the stall where I heard his voice.

"Elliott?"

"Uh, hey, let me call you back, okay?" he said, followed by a moment of silence. "Okay, yeah. Later."

He stood and walked out of the stall.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, stepping down from the toilet seat and leaving my stall.

"I needed some place quiet to make a call."

"To who?" I demanded, still curious about his behavior.

"Serena."

"You couldn't talk to her at the table?"

"Not with that pink-haired girl trying to get me to leave with her," he snorted. "I don't want Serena to think I'm fucking around."

He walked by me and out the door. Stunned by his admission, I fell silent. _Elliott was really with Serena? Wait, Elliott was being fucking faithful?_ Mind blown.

Night seemed to come quicker than I ever noticed before. After repeating the previous night's routine of pills and showering, I tossed and turned. It was all I could do. My body was restless, and she flooded my mind and senses. It wasn't that I couldn't get through the night because of the dreams, or that I couldn't get through the night without her. It was just that...I didn't _want_ to. I longed for her to be next to me. I finally fell asleep only to wake up around four thirty in the morning, immediately knowing what I was going to do. This week apart had been too much. I needed her.

Slamming doors and drawers, I threw some shit into a bag.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" Elliott growled, stumbling into my room and falling onto my bed.

"I'm taking a trip," I answered quickly.

"At four thirty in the morning?" he laughed. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Whidbey Island," was all I said. Elliott's attention was peaked.

"I'm so fucking going with you!" Elliott yelled, bounding out of my room and across the hall, digging through his things.

Then Elliott's voice bellowed from further down the hall.

"Who's up for a road trip, bitches?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Jimmy yelled.

"Elliott! Jesus!" Jackson groaned. "Shut up!"

"Okay, well we'll see you pussies when we get back from Whidbey Island," Elliott laughed loudly.

"What?" Jackson called out. I chuckled.

"You heard me, fucker! Get your shit together!" Elliott now yelled from his room.

We packed and had a car waiting before five thirty in the morning. Jackson called Nicholas, Elliott called Serena, and I arranged for the car.

It would take a few hours to get there, but I didn't care. I sat back and relaxed for the duration of the trip with my notebook in hand. When we arrived to their house, it was about ten in the morning.

Elliott was the first one out the car and to the front door. As I climbed out, Serena answered the door with a full smile. Elliott grabbed her into his arms. Her little boy smacked him in the leg for making his mom scream.

After Serena and Laney greeted and helped us find a place for our bags, we entered further into the house. The smell of bacon and syrup wafted around the living room. Thoughts of my mom making breakfast surfaced.

"Have a seat. Breakfast isn't ready just yet," Laney said, smiling slyly, knowingly.

Jimmy slouched into a chair and Jackson took the love seat. Elliott sat on the floor next to Ryan with his back leaned against the couch. They watched cartoons together. Instead of sitting, I looked around at photos hanging on their walls.

They had plenty of Ryan's pictures as he grew and celebrated different holidays and events. Then there was a picture of four small girls standing with their arms around each other. There was a tall one with curly red hair in the middle – obviously Serena. A tiny little girl with a large sequined bow on her head, though the hair was very long, it was unmistakably Laney. Next, was a tall all-American blonde – undoubtedly Kat. Finally, on the far left side was the dark brown-haired, brown-eyed girl next door, Mia. A smile tugged at my lips and my finger outlined her body.

"That was in second grade."

Surprised, I jerked around. Kat was standing there leaning against the wall.

"Well it was second grade for us, but third grade for Serena," she corrected, smiling with her eyes staying on the photo. "It's not too hard to figure us out."

She smirked and headed to the living room. When Serena called for Ryan to come eat, I finally stepped into the living room. Elliott wasn't far behind Ryan.

Laney walked out. "Come get something to eat."

She smiled brightly and turned back into the kitchen. Just as I began to stand, I heard heavy footsteps. A tall guy walked down the steps. He was still half-asleep. My stomach bottomed out. I sat back down on the couch. _Was he here with Mia?_

"Aren't you going to eat?" Laney appeared out of nowhere.

I shook my head.

"I'm not feeling great, probably from the long car ride."

She nodded curiously. Her mouth opened for a second, but her attention turned to the lighter footsteps coming down the stairs. It was Mia. She stopped short when she saw me on the couch. She looked confused and then shifted her eyes slowly to Laney.

"Your ass wouldn't wake up when I came in to tell you they were coming. If I remember correctly, you told me to go fuck myself until noon and then try again."

Mia smiled and bit her lip.

"Oh, it's real funny, Mia. Ha, ha. You're so mean in the morning," Laney huffed, rolling her eyes and going back into the kitchen.

"You guys drove down this morning?" Mia asked.

I nodded, still feeling sick to my stomach.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

"He said the car ride might have bothered him," Laney yelled from the kitchen.

"Do you want something?" She was biting that lip again.

All thought left me. I wanted coax that lip from between her teeth with my tongue and bite it for her. Then the asshole walked back in from the kitchen, erasing all thoughts of sexy lips and biting. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head with a big smile. Then he sat in the chair next to me with a full breakfast plate.

"Sucks about your stomach. Serena's pancakes are phenomenal!" he said, taking a large bite. I wanted to stick the fork in his fucking eye.

"Oh, shit, I should introduce myself. Hey, man, I'm Sean," he said, sticking his hand out.

_Who is this fucking guy?_ He must have seen the confusion on my face.

"What, man?"

I shook my head and then shook his hand.

"Christopher," I mumbled, my stomach starting to relax.

"I know who you are. You guys kick ass," he said with a smile as he stuffed more food into his mouth.

"Sean! Why the hell are you eating in the living room?" Serena yelled from the kitchen.

Mia turned back to Sean and smirked, then whispered, "You. Are. So. Bust. Ed!"

She laughed and took off for the kitchen.

"There wasn't any room in there with –"

"Damn it! You don't need a whole table to yourself. Get in here!"

Sean got up and dragged himself back into the kitchen like a little kid. Stopping in the doorway, he looked back.

"Do you have sisters?"

I shook my head.

"You're a fucking lucky man. I got stuck with three, plus the two adopted females."

He gestured to Kat and Laney.

_Sisters?_ I was thoroughly confused walking into the kitchen. _He's clearly African-American. How the hell were they related?_

"Oh, Sean, you wuv us so very much!" Kat was pinching his cheek and they were laughing at him.

"So, Sean is your brother?" Jackson had a perplexed look on his face. _Thank you, Jackson!_

"Well, since it's obvious that none of us are black, he's technically our stepbrother," Serena clarified, standing with her back to us while wiping down the counter top.

"But, we would never treat Sean like anything but our big brudder!" Mia added, playfully shoving his head and stealing bacon from his plate.

"Hey!" Sean said, smacking her hand.

"So, why Whidbey Island?" Laney leaned her elbows onto the countertop.

We fell silent. Elliott saved me from confessing.

"Like I could be away from my sexy woman for ten days. She is too damn important to me," Elliott said, winking at me. I gave him a thankful smile. _Thank fuck for Elliott._

"Language!" Serena scowled at Elliott and then shifted her eyes to Ryan, who was watching how close Elliott was getting.

"Alright, well what do you guys have planned?" Laney asked, looking around the room.

"You got nothing, huh?" she laughed. "Okay, well I am going to the mall if anyone cares to join."

"I'm in," Kat said, her plate clinking in the sink as she set it in the basin.

"You guys realize you can't just go to the mall right?" Jackson inquired, cocking an eyebrow at them.

"And, why not?" Laney asked.

"Uh...maybe because of the mobs of fucking people that will tackle your ass," Elliott said, laughing.

"Oh, shit," Laney groaned. "What are your plans, Mia?"

"Absolutely nothing," she said with a large smile.

Laney rolled her eyes.

"You aren't going to do anything?"

"Nope," she confirmed, still smiling proudly.

I loved her smile.

"I've got a date with some laundry."

"I want to go to the movies," Serena said as she joined the group at the breakfast bar.

"Then the movies you shall go," Elliott promised, bowing to her. She rolled her eyes, but the small smile on her lips gave away her lack of real annoyance.

"That's not a bad idea. We can call and try to get the balcony," Laney said, her mood brightening. "Who's in?"

"Wait. I have to see if Linda can watch Ry," Serena said, turning for the phone.

"Leave Ry with me," Mia offered.

"You aren't –"

"Didn't I just say I wasn't doing anything?" she asked, giving Serena a look.

"Are you sure? I can call Linda."

"Leave my man with me," Mia insisted, ruffling Ry's hair as she walked by.

"Hey! Watch dah hair, An Mia!" he yelled.

The kitchen slowly cleared out as everyone disappeared to get ready. Jackson took his things to Laney's room, Elliott took his to Serena's room, and Jimmy took the spare room. I dropped my things in with Jimmy.

After everyone was dressed and Serena kissed Ryan about fifty times, they headed out the door.

"Do not keep him up all night, Mia," she warned. "And keep the junk to a minimum, please?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. We're going to eat vegetables and be in bed by seven," Mia said, her smile full of sarcasm.

"Yeah, right," Serena said, turning her eyes to Ryan "You be a good boy for Aunt Mia, okay?"

He nodded, and they were out the door. I stopped on the porch next to Mia and Ry.

"You aren't going?" she asked without looking at me.

"Nah, not in the mood for a movie theater."

She nodded in understanding. The car disappeared in the distance. She spun around to Ryan.

"Okay, she's gone!" she squealed, giving him a high five. "What do we do first?"

Ryan put his finger to his chin to think about it.

"I know!" he yelled, running into the house.

"Ry, man, what are you –"

Before she could finish, music came on. We entered the living room, but Ryan wasn't there.

"Ry, where are you?" she called in a playful voice. "Ahhh!"

Turning at her scream, Ryan stood with two large water guns, squirting Mia. I laughed.

"Oh, you think that's funny?" she asked, grabbing one of the guns and spraying me right in my face. "Ha, take that!"

She laughed and then turned on Ryan.

"Ahhh...An Mia stooppp!" he giggled and ran out the door with Mia chasing him.

Catching up to them in the front yard, I watched them spray each other and laugh loudly. Then, they stopped and started whispering to each other. My curiosity was piqued. When they came running toward me with guns aimed, I figured it out. I put my arms up as a shield, but they both drenched the front of my t-shirt and started laughing.

"Dat's so funny, An Mia," Ryan chuckled.

"I know, huh? Want to do it again?" she asked, both of them aiming at me.

"I'm unarmed! You can't shoot an unarmed man!" I shouted.

"Gedsa gun den."

That little boy looked at me as if I was stupid. Shaking his head with a huff, he ran by me and up the stairs, quickly returning with another gun and holding it out for me.

"You huv da ged yer own wader!"

This kid was hilarious. He showed me where to fill the gun up before going back outside. Mia was sitting on the steps. As soon as we were outside, he turned on me and sprayed.

"You little..." I started, laughter covering the rest. I chased after him.

Euphoria spread through me. It was like being a kid again, running around during a June summer day chased by my mother. I got an instant high.

"Ahhh....An Mia help me!" Ry screamed, running from me and hiding behind Mia.

"Time for some payback!" I said, holding up the gun with a gleam of revenge in my eye.

"Ry, run!" she shouted and squirted me with her gun, laughing. I sprayed her back, and she started laughing harder and telling me to stop. From behind me, I felt water on my back. I turned to see Ryan was squirting me.

"Good job, Ry. Get him!"

She grabbed my gun from me while I was distracted and squirted me with both guns. Mia tried to run, but I grabbed her waist and lifted her over my shoulder.

_Definitely a good job, Ryan, I get to touch your Aunt Mia. God, she felt fucking amazing._ Flames ignited against my water-cooled skin.

"Pud An Mia Down!" Ryan yelled.

"I'm afraid that Aunt Mia needs to learn a lesson," I said with a chuckle.

"Don't listen to him, Ry. Get him!" she chortled.

I had seen the hose earlier in the battle. Once we reached it, I grabbed it and turned it on her. She screamed at the cold water and tried to wiggle away. The wiggling wasn't doing anything to deter my inner dirty teenage boy.

Once thoroughly soaked, I set her on her feet so she didn't slip out of my grasp. To my surprise, she tried to wrestle me for the hose. Finally knocking it out of my hand, she tried to lunge for the nozzle. My eyes glued to her very wet t-shirt shaping the curve of each amazing tit. This was the only reason she succeeded in knocking it out of my hand. Thank God, the water was cold. Her nipples were peaked at full attention and entrancing me in the most devious ways. I snapped my eyes away from her glorious tits before she could notice.

We both scrambled for the hose when Ry picked it up with an evil smile. He turned the water on both of us.

"You traitor!" Mia yelled and Ryan giggled. We were almost laughing too hard to get him. We tripped over each other, and the wet grass didn't help our cause. She reached the valve for the hose and shut it off.

"What are you going to do now, little man?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You all wet, An Mia," he said, looking at me and giggling. "You, too, Cwis."

Mia scooped him up and carried him into the house.

"Ewww...you all wet!" he screamed.

With the water battle over, the three of us went inside to change into dry clothing.

Mia walked Ryan to his room and helped him get some clothes from his dresser.

"Do you want me to help?" she asked, kneeling down in front of him.

He shook his head. "Imma big boy."

She smiled at him.

"Okay, I'll be back in a minute," she said, ruffling his hair and meeting me in the hallway.

"Your stuff is in the spare room, right?"

I nodded. She nodded back and walked into her room. She nudged the door, but I kept going before it closed all the way. I changed into a dry pair of jeans and another t-shirt. I heard noises in Ryan's room, so I walked toward it. Mia's door was on the way and, as I passed by, I glanced over. Just as I did, she passed her partially open door. She was in her underwear and a tank top. Groaning internally, I froze, looking at her, wondering what it would feel like nestled between her warm legs. My dick twitched at the thought. I needed a cold shower, or ice bricks to put on my balls. They were starting to fucking hurt.

"Is An Mia in dare? I need help," Ryan said, emerging from his room. As I snapped my head to look down at him, Mia cursed and scuffled noises came from her room.

I'm _so_ fucking busted.

**  
**

Chapter Nineteen

Mia

I thought I'd closed my door completely, but having been away from home for so long, I forgot that the door gets caught on the carpet. So, when I heard Ryan and saw Christopher outside of my door while I stood there in a pair of underwear and a tank top, I felt like a damned fool. I hurried to the other side of my room, the heat flooding my face from embarrassment. _Please let him have just been walking by and not have seen me running around half-naked._

I hesitated at the top of the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I grew my girly balls and headed downstairs, attempting to keep the embarrassment off my face.

Ryan's laughter carried up the steps. When I could see into the living room, I couldn't help but smile. Ryan held his play swords out, and apparently, he had stabbed Christopher, who was lying flat on his back with his eyes closed. I covered my mouth quickly to stifle my laugh. Ryan kept poking Christopher lightly with his sword and saying his name, but he didn't move. Ryan huffed and walked closer. Christopher jumped up suddenly and grabbed Ryan's sides. Ryan squealed loudly and burst into laughter. This time I couldn't help but laugh aloud. Christopher turned his head quickly toward me. For a short moment, he looked surprised and slightly embarrassed, but mostly smug. I kept up my "pretend it didn't happen" façade. But, by the smug look he was trying to hide, I knew he saw me.

After a round of light sabers and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we settled into the living room to watch a movie. Eventually we all fell asleep, Christopher having slid next to me on the couch, and Ry on a bean bag on the floor.

It was almost dinnertime when Ryan finally woke up.

"An Mia?" he said groggily.

Sitting up straighter, Christopher started to stir next to me.

"Hey, bud, did you have a good nap?" I inquired, smiling. He nodded and tried to climb up onto my lap. He frowned when Christopher's arm was in the way.

I tried to push Christopher's arm over but he locked down on me. Grabbing Ry, I sat him on Christopher's arm. When Chris tried to move Ryan away, I nudged him with my elbow. He pulled his arm back and opened his eyes. He saw Ryan cuddled up with his back against my chest and his legs stretched out over my lap. Christopher buried his face into my hip and went back to sleep. I sighed, feeling over crowded in my personal space.

After Ryan had about twenty minutes to wake up completely, he spoke up loudly.

"I'm hungry," he said, jumping off my lap and grabbing my hand to pull me up.

Christopher jerked awake when I let Ryan pull me off the couch and into the kitchen.

After ordering a pizza, playing video games, coloring pictures, and a playing a rousing game of Go Fish, it was time for Ryan's bath.

It was after eleven when everyone got back from their movie and dinner. Evidently, they had a few drinks as well. Shortly after returning home, everyone wandered off to bed. It wasn't too long before Christopher showed up in my room and lay down next to me. My last thought before going to sleep was if he was doing any better.

* * * * *

"An Mia!" Ryan charged into my room and jumped onto my bed.

Rolling over, I looked at the clock. Yuck...seven in the morning.

"Ry, it's early. Can't it wait?" I groaned.

"Mommy said we can go to the beach today!" he yelled, jumping. Christopher started stirring next to me in the bed. Ryan stopped moving.

"Is that Cwis?" Ryan asked, looking at me, confused.

I nodded. Ryan smiled.

"Is Cwis yowr boyfend, An Mia?!"

My face heated while he giggled.

"No, Ry." I shook my head.

Ryan leaned over me and poked Christopher. He raised his head and smiled groggily at Ryan.

"Morning, Ry," Christopher greeted, putting his head back down and covering his face with his hands.

"Did eww huva nightmeer, Cwis?"

Christopher's head came back up quickly to look at Ry. I watched Christopher.

"Um...Ry –"

"Yeah, Ry. I had a bad dream," Christopher said, smiling at him.

"Oh," Ryan said, looking perplexed. "Mommy heps me wiff my bad dweams. She even sings me a song to help me get back to sweep."

Ry smiled at him. Christopher smiled back.

"Oh my God, Ryan!" Serena came running in, offering him a stern look. "Leave Aunt Mia alone. She was sleeping."

"I'm so sorry he woke you up," she said, the apologetic look on her face for me. Her face hardening when her eyes landed on Chris' face.

I shrugged and got out of bed.

After breakfast, everyone got ready for the beach. Ryan was beyond excited. He had his sand buckets, shovels, and all the beach toys he owned in a large bag. He dragged the bag to the car.

When we got to the beach, everyone carried coolers, blankets, towels, and other bags. Laney laid out three large blankets. Kat set up the coolers in rows. Serena put the large beach umbrella up, while I helped Ry get all his toys placed out into the area he claimed for castle building.

"Okay, let's hit the water!" Kat yelled as she stripped off her beach cover-up dress and headed to the edge of the water. Her red string bikini definitely left little to the imagination. Jimmy and Elliott followed closely after her.

Christopher seemed to have found a comfortable spot under the umbrella and lounged with his arm over his face. Apparently, the beach was not his thing.

Serena stepped out of her shorts, pulled off her tank top, and headed toward the water in her green halter bikini. Elliott hooted and hollered as she approached the water's edge.

"Wait for me," Laney shouted to Serena.

She pulled her sundress off and caught up to her. Laney had on a black micro bikini barely covering her tiny ass. Jackson stepped quickly behind Laney, his eyes focused on said lack of ass coverage.

Ryan and I sat building sandcastles and moats until familiar voices interrupted us.

"Mia!"

I looked up to see Sam, Amy, Jace, Sean, and Jon walking down the beach, their beach bags over their shoulders.

"Hey," I said standing to hug Amy.

"We heard you were back, girl," Jace drawled, walking over and lifting me into a large hug.

John married Linda, who had lived in the apartments near the beach and introduced us to many of the kids who'd grown up around here.

"Yep, the rest of the gang is swimming," I said, motioning out to the water.

"Well, let's get out there with them!" Sean yelled, grabbing me up into his arms.

"I'm watching Ry!" I yelled, wiggling to get out of his hold.

He placed me on my feet.

"I got him," Amy shouted with a laugh.

I screamed again, when Sean grabbed my arms. I tried to dig my feet into the sand for leverage, but Jace's arms wrapped around my legs. He and Sean lifted me up and carried me to the water. I yelled at them the entire way.

They tossed me into an oncoming wave and then dove into the water behind me. Once my head emerged from the water, I heard everyone laughing. Sean's laugh was the loudest because he was the closest, so I jumped on him trying to shove him under the water. My plan failed when Jace grabbed me and lifted me up. He threw me back into the water. This went on for a while before everyone decided to switch gears and play chicken.

At the end of the afternoon, everyone was water logged and tired. Ryan fell asleep in the car on the way back to the house, so we agreed to grab some take out from the diner in town.

Once everyone had eaten and lounged, we took turns showering. Deciding on a movie to watch for the evening was difficult with so many people; however, we finally settled on _Gladiator._ Before a third of the movie was over, I headed to bed.

I'm not sure how long I'd been asleep, but I woke up to my door shutting roughly. I wasn't completely awake when Christopher's figure appeared at the side of my bed.

"Shit! Christopher," I said, startled. "You scared the fuck out of me."

I tried to laugh it off, but looking at Christopher's face, I knew something was off. "Are you okay?" I asked, slightly nervous.

My nerves were firing warnings across my body when he didn't respond and simply stared at me intently. His eyes roamed over my face and then down my body, making me extremely uncomfortable.

"Christopher, what is wro –"

Before I could finish, he moved quickly over my body, using his hand to push my legs apart. I tried to pull myself up, but he was above me too fast.

"C-Chris?" I stuttered.

He didn't speak. His hand cupped the side of my face and his lips came crashing down onto mine. His viper bites pressed against my chin. The pulse that took over my body was foreign to me. His lips were deceptively soft and gentle, yet rough at the same time. His tongue lightly played along my lower lip, tasting it, savoring it, before lightly sucking and nipping at its plumpness. I released a breathy whimper before opening my mouth and allowing the entrance he was seeking. His tongue coaxed mine into the most erotic dance of sliding, sucking, biting, and twirling. It was the most amazing kiss I'd ever had, the feel of his tongue piercing only intensifying the moment. Then the reality of the situation started to sink in. I started to push him away, but he moved his lips over my jaw and down my neck. The fiery sensation he left on my skin was more intense than anything I'd ever felt, like all of the endorphins in my brain released at the same time. I felt euphoric, light as a feather. Forcing myself to come back to reality and keep focused on what was really happening, I shoved him again.

Christopher's hand moved from my face and slid down to cup my neck. His other hand pulled on the collar of my t-shirt, seeking access to my collarbone. He situated his body and weight between my legs, his thick erection pressing against my cotton covered entrance. I almost moaned aloud at the sensation. I was so wet, so swollen, I wanted to grab his ass and force him inside of me. _Thank god, we were still fully clothed._

"Christopher?" I breathed out heavily.

His lips never moved away from my skin. His tongue and teeth grazed me. I stopped myself from inching forward and rubbing against him. I needed friction, I needed...I needed to stop!

"Christopher!" I groaned aloud, or maybe moaned. At this point, I was barely holding on by a thread. He ran his hand from my neck down the side of my body, taking in my every curve.

"Christopher, stop!"

He abruptly stopped everything and rolled off me. Both relief and disappointment washed over me. I lay there for a moment trying to catch my breath and figuring out what exactly to say. Right now, I wanted to curse myself. My clit throbbed and my nipples ached. _Fuck me for being so noble._ Taking in a deep breath and trying to gain one iota of control, I decided to be angry.

"What the hell was that?" I demanded, sitting up to look down on him. "What's going on with you?"

My anger was all bravado. I wanted to be angry with him, but my body refused to be mad over how it felt right now. I was more annoyed with myself for not being angry. Maybe I was annoyed for not taking advantage of the situation. I couldn't tell at the moment, I just knew I was feeling annoyed...and turned on. _Stupid hormones._

"I, uh....I...I'm sorry," he whispered and rolled over.

"What's going on, Christopher? Did you have–"

He flipped back around toward me.

"No, I didn't have a fucking nightmare, Mia! I haven't even gone to sleep yet!"

I flinched at his tone and volume.

"Then what's going on with you?" I asked with a little more compassion than anger this time.

"I don't know. Just forget it happened," he said, sitting up. "I can leave, if you want me to."

Knowing I should ask him to go, I sat there trying to think. _How does one react to these types of situations? Do these situations even exist with other people?_

"Just go to sleep," I finally spat. "Maybe you'll be honest about what's going on with you eventually."

I lay back down and rolled onto my side away from him. Falling asleep did not come easy when you had the female version of blue balls and your skin tingled all over. Every place his mouth had touched still burned with desire. Just feelings him next to me was enough to rev my engine right now. I know there is something binding us together. Never before, have I felt so wanton from a kiss. Never before has my skin burned from a simple touch. Never before have I longed for a presence and missed it when it wasn't here.

"Mia?" Christopher whispered very close to my ear. I shivered, gooseflesh rising on my skin.

"Yeah?" I barely croaked out.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"No. I mean I'm sorry for everything. Not just tonight, all of it."

He shifted away from me.

I drifted off to sleep shortly after that and woke to Christopher's arm around my waist, under my shirt against my bare stomach. I nudged him a little trying to get him to roll over. Instead, it caused him to lean closer into my back and to slide his hand further up until it rested just below my breasts. Flames lit across my flesh like tiny erupting volcanoes. Taking a deep breath, I tried to move. He locked his arm around me and nuzzled his face into the back of my head with a sigh.

"Please don't move."

I thought he was still asleep. I felt the tips of his fingers brush against my neck, moving my hair away while placing tiny, open-mouthed kisses in its path. I couldn't help the shiver that passed through my body. I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. Four in the morning. It was four in the morning, and I had Christopher teasing my neck with his delicious lips. I really needed to decide now how I felt about this. I wanted it, oh how badly I want it, but, in the end, it would ruin and complicate everything. Resigned to my decision, I needed to stand firm.

"Christopher," I used a warning tone, hoping it would be enough to stop him. It wasn't. "Christopher, what are you doing?"

Finally, he spoke very huskily in my ear.

"Don't make me stop."

My body screamed to let him continue. _Stay strong, stay strong. You can do this!_

"Christopher," I gasped when he took my earlobe between his teeth. "Christopher you, we, can't do this...please...maybe you should go back to Seattle...."

He broke his silence again.

"I don't want to go back. I don't want to sleep alone," he groaned, his hands stilling.

I snapped my head around, his words like a bucket of ice to my libido.

"I'm not someone to fill your bed for you! I know I agreed to let you sleep with me, but I didn't agree to be one of your whores," I snapped defensively.

Pictures of all his groupies, the ones I pretended weren't around on the tour, flashed through my mind. I didn't need more light to know his features had hardened, his body tensing.

"I never said you were a fucking whore," he spat.

"Then, what is it that you're doing? Hmm?" I argued. "You don't want to be alone so you climb into the most convenient bed, knowing I won't turn you away, and decide that you can stick your dick in me because you're horny? You have to be fucking kidding me. 'I'm lonely. Let's go see if Mia is willing to be an incubator for my cock.'"

"Fuck, Mia! It's not like that. I'm not trying to 'stick my dick in you' because I'm lonely," he said, defensiveness pouring off him in waves.

"Oh really...then what is this? Is it just –"

"Fucking shit, Mia!" he continued before I could speak up again. "What is this? I don't know what the fuck this is!"

He rolled onto his back and ran his hand through his hair.

"I sleep better than before, not like when you are there, but better," he sighed heavily. "However, I don't _want_ to sleep without you. I don't want you to be anywhere but fucking next to me. Why? I don't fucking know, I can't...I don't..."

I was too shocked to speak. _He doesn't want to sleep without me. He doesn't want me anywhere but next to him?_

"Then, there's this weird connection with you. You have to feel it. Fuck, please tell me you feel this, too, and that I haven't totally lost my fucking mind!"

His head moved in my direction but I was still trying to process what he'd said. He rolled back over to my side and cupped my face again. Sparks erupted at his touch. Yeah, I knew what he was feeling.

"Please, tell me I'm not the only one that feels this?" he begged, his eyes close enough for me to see the desperation in his plea.

Before I could even think of a response, his lips crashed down to mine and he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I didn't stop him. I couldn't stop him. Our tongues danced with each other, battling for full exploration of the other's mouth. Christopher slid his hand down my body and wrapped his hand around the back of my knee, pulling my leg up over his hip.

Our bodies pressed firmly together, chest to chest. His erection against my leg only fed the pulse increasing between my legs. Dampness pooled in my underwear, and my lower body lit on fire. Only he could extinguish this fire, this need, burning inside of me. Only he held the key to what I oh so desperately needed. I shifted my hip and grinded again his hard length. Heat gathered and flooded my system. He grasped my hips, pulling me closer to him, as his lips trailed wild, wet, tongue lashing kisses from my neck to the top of my chest. His hand moved from my hips to the hem of my shirt resting on my lower belly. He started to push my shirt up, his hands caressing my stomach in his ascent. Reality crashed back in with a heavy thud. I halted all movement and my libido screamed 'cock blocker' in frustration while yanking on her hair.

"Christopher, I don't think this is a good idea," I breathed out heavily.

His grip tightened on me, but then softened. He sighed heavily against my neck.

"What's going on?" I asked him, slightly annoyed but mostly sexually frustrated.

"I just...I know you feel whatever this thing is between us. You have to," he said, his voice as pleading as his eyes.

"I don't know what it is between us, Christopher, but I don't think this is what we should do," I said, barely getting the words out as my body flamed in argument. "So, you want to tell me what's really going on here?"

I placed a hand on his head, fighting against everything that is holy not to fist his hair, yank back his head, and attack his mouth.

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"Fine," I said, pulling my body away to roll over and get up. He gripped me, not allowing me move an inch.

"I don't like other guys touching you," he mumbled.

"Other guys? What are you –?"

"At the beach," he muttered his response. I thought about it and remembered the guys at the beach, friends with which I'd grown up.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" I yelled. "You're jealous! You're all over me because you're jealous of someone else touching me!" I accused.

I had to admit that I was flattered, but mostly irritated.

"No," he groaned. "Okay, yes, a little."

He huffed and removed his hand from me to rub over his face.

"I'm kind of...territorial...with you," he whispered. "You don't belong to them. You don't belong with them. They would never treat you..." he stopped, cutting his words off with the snap of his jaw.

"Okay, first of all, I'm not with them, and, second, who is it you think I belong to? You?"

He stayed silent.

"I belong to no one! You feel like I'm some possession for you to have? For you to keep and toss away when you're finished?"

"No! Christ, Mia, that's not what I am saying," he said, frustration filling his words.

I knew he was struggling with something, but just the mention of me "belonging" to someone was maddening as hell.

"So, you're trying to claim me by fucking me? Some, 'I stuck my dick in her first, so she's mine' bullshit?" I asked, my irritation unmistakably evident now.

"God dammit, I didn't plan anything," he spat, but moved in even closer to my body. "Whatever this is, this thing we've got between us, this feeling. It took over. Yes, I was jealous, but it didn't drive me into your room. I was driven by this feeling, the one that you feel now, I can see it in your eyes. I couldn't stop, didn't want to stop. I just kept thinking, 'if it feels this fucking good just being next to her, this fucking good being in her presence, then it's got to feel so much better actually being with her'. I know that makes me sound like an asshole, I know _I'm_ a selfish prick, just taking, always taking. But, Mia, I can't resist the need I have for you."

His mouth was so close to my skin, his words whispering across my already over-sensitized flesh. I didn't know how to respond to what he was saying. I couldn't think straight with his body pressed so close to mine, his lips just millimeters from my skin. His words were full of promise. The low tone of his voice so enticing, I was putty in his arms. I know he had to notice my reaction, but I had to stay strong. I had to ignore every fiber of my being telling me jump his bones. Pulling up my big girl panties, I shifted away from him. He rolled onto his back, defeated, leaving an inch of space between us.

Waking up the next morning, I wasn't surprised to find myself alone. I was, however, a little surprised at the way Christopher avoided me for the rest of the week at our house. I couldn't help missing him, missing his body next to mine at night. I also couldn't blame him, per say. He had opened up to me and I had basically kicked him in the balls with my rejection. But, that didn't change the fact that I was pissed he would avoid me. _Grow some balls and stop evading me based on what happened._ It was ridiculous. He was ridiculous.

Christopher

Leaving before she woke up, I attempted to keep my distance from her the rest of the time we were there. Not going to her room at night and not staying in the same room alone with her or too close to her became my new routine. I was avoiding her, but if I didn't, I would just grab her and pull her to me again. She didn't want that. She didn't want me that way. She had refused me even after I bled my fucking soul for her. She wanted honesty, I gave it to her, and she pushed me away. So, I was desperate to put distance between us.

Distant is what we now were.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty

Mia

Everyone was tired on the plane to Pittsburgh. Since it was June, Ryan accompanied us. Una and Serena had hired Andrea, our new personal assistant and traveling nanny. Andrea was a sweet girl. She'd been a personal shopper and assistant for a semi-famous model, a B list actress, and she had experience with children. Andy had grown up the oldest of ten kids and worked for almost three years in a daycare during college. It was a bonus that she was a fan. The fit seemed perfect.

Christopher still kept his distance, ignoring me for the most part. So, my pride put us back into our original, silent, avoid and evade agreement. Regardless of the fact, it hurt more than I wanted to admit.

In Pittsburgh, we performed at an open-air amphitheater for two nights, then the weekend before the Fourth of July at their River Regatta.

Having free time between the events, we took Ryan out on some excursions.

The Pittsburgh Zoo became our outing for Pittsburgh. It was extremely humid, but at least we had a personal escort to minimize the crowds of people swarming us. All of us, except for Chris, who chose not to come along. It was hard, but I hid my undesired disappointment well.

Elliott and I stopped at just about every place food was available. Everyone sat in a private animal showing where Ry could get close enough to touch and feed animals with the handler. It was great until they brought out the tarantula. Once the fury eight-legged menace was before us, I shuddered.

"Oh, hell no!" I yelled, swinging my leg over the wooden bench and running to the back of the wooded enclosure.

"What's the matter? You afraid of spiders, Mia?" Jimmy taunted and made creepy spider leg movements with his hands.

"Ones the size of my face? Yes!"

"You are such a girl," Elliott teased.

Pulling at the collar of my t-shirt, I looked down. "Well, what do you know, I have boobs."

I looked back at Serena and Elliott's amused faces.

"I guess that makes me a girl, huh?"

"Not necessarily. That dude back there had tits, perhaps I should thoroughly check other areas to be sure."

There was a loud crack when Serena's hand met his shoulder.

"Oww, shit, baby! I was only joking," he whined, rubbing his arm as Serena glared at him.

"Well joke like that when you aren't around my very impressionable child," she said, turning back to Ryan, who was using his index finger to touch the spider. I cringed.

"Isnot dat bad, An Mia," Ry said, looking up over the fuzzy creeping spider.

"You just keep the creepy crawler over on that bench with you."

The animal handler chuckled at my behavior.

After the long stay in Pittsburgh, we were off to New York. We pretty much had a week to ourselves with the Fourth of July weekend. I spent most of my time with Serena and Ryan. We took him to FAO Schwartz so he could see the large toy store. Elliott bought him a couple of things much to Serena's displeasure. It was nice to see Elliott bond with Ryan. We made sure visit Coney Island and the Bronx Zoo as well.

The days we weren't sightseeing with Ry, we were in a recording studio working on upcoming projects. Nobil Records had acquired a New York location during a merger with a small New York production company a few years ago. They kept the studio after they closed the company's main office.

When the Fourth finally arrived, we gathered to watch Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks. It was amazing. Ryan's face was brightly lit, and his eyes were so wide. He sat on Elliott's shoulders, looking straight up into the sky with amazement all over his face.

Christopher remained distant and did everything he could to avoid me at all costs. I hated that we'd returned to being so ignorant of each other. After everything that happened, I never would have predicted we would slip back into this routine.

Soon concert day arrived. We played in New York City, then Buffalo, and then hopped on the buses, destination Springfield, MA. We took Ry to some beaches. It wasn't as warm, since a storm front had moved in, but he still enjoyed the kite flying and collecting seashells.

The weeks and months began to roll by quickly. Traveling frequently from Philadelphia, PA, to Charleston, WV, and then to Columbus and Youngstown, OH, to Atlantic City, and Charlotte, NC. In between the concerts, there were phone calls at the butt crack of dawn for radio interviews, flights to New York for morning television shows and sometime late night shows in the same day. Being famous is exhausting, but I was riding the euphoric cloud and stoked that we were catching this much attention. I was stunned at our growing fan base who considered us worthy enough to be on television. Never in a million years had I thought we would be this big.

When we reached Richmond, VA, the effects of the business started to get to me. I was worn out, exhausted, and my body was screaming for me to slow down. I started to feel off, my throat was scratchy and sore. Preforming was going to be an issue without rest. I went a full day without talking to anyone and trying to get as much sleep as possible. The morning of our rehearsal, the symptoms worsened, moving into my ear.

Una saw my state and convinced me to see a doctor, scaring me by speaking of hearing and voice damage. She arranged for a doctor, an old college friend of Richard's, to visit the hotel. I hated to be a pest, but I felt like shit and did not want to deal with our growing fan base asking for autographs and pictures.

The doctor came in and did the basics. Pulse, blood pressure, checked my ear, nose, and throat. He took a culture of my throat, but could already see swelling in my ear and tonsils. He called in a prescription, and Andrea went to pick up the antibiotics along with other antibiotics he wanted to put me on.

The next morning, I woke up feeling worse than the day before. I buried myself in my room and refused to leave the cozy cocoon of my bed. The test results came back that day and the doctor called to change my prescription. He called in Rifampin, which he said was a stronger antibiotic. It was for a bacterial infection. Apparently, my tests revealed an infection in my nose, throat, and inner ear. I switched medicines as soon as it arrived, soaked in a hot bath, and went back to lying in bed.

Swallowing my own saliva hurt. Let alone trying to consume anything. The loosening of my clothes made it clear I had already begun to lose too much weight.

Una had the rest of the girls, and Ryan, looked over as a precaution. To prevent spreading germs, my interaction with everyone was limited, which was fine by me. I curled into a ball in the middle of my bed and waited for death to put me out of my misery.

Christopher

Laney had become a regular in our room and bus thanks to Jackson. They were practically inseparable, and it was really fucking disturbing to watch. If I had to witness one more tongue-fucking make out session or hear how vocal Laney was in the sack, I was going to castrate him.

"Morning, Christopher," she chirped as soon as I walked out of my bedroom. I was still groggy and hadn't slept soundly for weeks now. The nightmares were not so much the problem. It was fucking Mia. I longed for her, felt empty without her next to me.

"Morning," I groaned. I really wanted to tell her that good morning could go fuck itself, but I refrained. It wasn't her fault that Mia and I were on separate continents as far as I was concerned.

"Jacks, I want to go and check on Mia before we take off, okay?" she spoke too quickly but I still made out what she said.

Jacks? What the fuck kind of...wait...check on Mia? Did something happen?

"Check on Mia?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

"Um, yeah, she's sick," Laney said, turning away quickly and moving toward the door.

"Sick?" I pressed _._

The smirk on her face made me uncomfortable.

"Yeah, she's been really sick with a bacterial infection in her throat. The doctor had to send in stronger medications for her this morning," she said, looking worried. "You know we're all worried about her throat and her voice, and Mia seems to be really stressed by it. Anyhow, she's been stuck in her room for the past couple days trying not to die."

She smiled and grabbed Jackson's hand before walking closer to the door.

"Oh, Christopher?" I turned around when she yelled for me.

"Yeah?" I raised my eyebrow.

"You can't see her," she stated firmly. I furrowed my brow.

"Why would I –?"

She cut me off.

"She's quarantined in a sense. At least until her new meds have a full twenty-four hours to work their way into her system. She can't really be around anyone," she said, smiling slyly and heading out the door with Jackson.

Plopping down into a chair with my coffee, I flipped through the channels, but I couldn't get past the fact that Mia was two rooms down and really sick. I tried a shower to clear my head, but it didn't work.

Finally, slipping into some shoes, I marched down to her room. Serena answered with a questioning look on her face. I pushed by and headed toward the closed door I assumed was Mia's.

"Christopher, you shouldn't go in there," Una warned, standing in front of me, blocking me. I grabbed her shoulders and moved her as gently as I could.

My hand grasped the knob.

"Christopher, she's really sick and possibly contagious," Serena chimed in. Her hand on my shoulder, she sighed. "Give her till tomorrow, and then come back."

It was the first time I think Serena actually asked me to come back or to be around Mia at all. I knew she hated Mia's involvement with me and I didn't blame her one bit.

"Someone better call the doctor now to get me the same shit. I'm going in there and not one of you is going to stop me."

Without looking at either one of them, I turned the knob and entered her room.

I looked straight toward her bed where I knew she would be. Curled up in the fetal position, she looked like hell. Her frame was smaller, her skin paler, and she looked a fucking mess. Still, the moment my eyes rested on her, I wondered how the fuck I hadn't fought harder for her. How I've stayed away from her for this long because my fucking ego was bruised. I swallowed down my feelings and kicked off my shoes, tossing my hoodie to the floor. She needed someone to comfort her, to be with her, and that someone was going to fucking be me. I climbed into the bed next to her. She lifted her head to look toward the movement.

"Shhh...just go back to sleep," I urged, lying flat on my back next to her.

"Hhhrrissss..."

She was trying to say my name, probably tell me the same thing Una and Serena already had.

"Please don't talk, you sound like shit," I said, giving her a teasingly disgusted look.

Her elbow met my side quickly, knocking the air from my lungs.

"You must not be too sick if you can still hit like that," I teased again.

This time her hand slapped me in the leg.

"I know I shouldn't be in here, but after all you've done for me...this is the least, the very least, I can fucking do. You shouldn't be by yourself."

She shifted and got comfortable. Then I heard the sound of her sleeping sighs.

I don't know how long I laid there before falling asleep next to her, but when I woke up with her head on my chest and my arm around her, it was the best fucking wake-up of my life. From this moment, there would be no more ignoring Mia. She was mine and I was damn sure going to make sure she knew it.

I stayed with her until she woke the next morning. Unfortunately, I had a session with Doctor J that couldn't be ignored. Leaving was hard to do, especially when she was still sick. I felt like I had just gotten her back.

"Tahng ew."

I laughed at her attempt to speak.

"No problem," I said with a shrug. "Don't speak, you really do sound like shit."

She gave me her middle finger as I walked out the door chuckling.

Mia

The show in Richmond was cancelled. I was pissed off and felt like I let down the band, but there was no way in hell I was going to be able to sing. I could barely talk. Christopher became my light during dark days. To say that I was happy when he first came to me would be a lie. I was thankful, yes, but to think it took me getting sick to get his head out of his ass irritated me. My hostile feelings were short lived. I had missed him so much and the fact that he decided to be there for me, that he risked the same thing happening to him, made my heart flutter.

I had been sick for what felt like months, but had only been a few of days. Waking the third day after starting my new medicines, I felt a hundred times better. To the relief of everyone, I was well enough to finally get on a tour bus and head to South Carolina. To my relief, I could finally shower and eat. It took a week until I was performance ready, though I was on a cocktail of medication for fourteen days.

It seemed like just yesterday we were walking into the record company for the first time. Now, between the months of tour dates and my health set back, it was September and close to my birthday. Knowing Laney, she would torture me somehow. She has every year since we were kids. I always tried to go low key, but Laney always had other, more elaborate, plans for us.

When we arrived in Myrtle Beach, I knew I was going to be in for one of her grand schemes.

"Happy Birthday, to you! Happy Birthday, to you! Happy Birthday, dearest Mia!"

Covering my head, I groaned as Serena, Kat, and Laney barged into my room singing at the top of their lungs. Kat was rocking out on her guitar. Christopher shook with laughter next to me, finding humor in my torture. I smacked him.

"What was that for?" he yelled out, playfully.

"Don't encourage them," I groaned.

Then the blankets ripped from my bed to the floor. Ryan managed to get up on the bed and bounced as he sang Happy Birthday to me. Sitting up quickly, I pulled him on the bed, tickling him.

"Top it, An Mia!" he laughed and I let him go.

Laney disappeared from the room and reappeared with balloons.

"Oh, God," I mumbled, falling back onto the bed.

"Mia, hurry and get dressed! We need to eat breakfast and get on with our day!" Laney said, bouncing with excitement. "Oh, and we will be outside for a bit, so dress casually."

My surprise was evident. _Holy shit! I don't have to dress up._ She smiled.

"I'll have your outfit for later picked out and ready before we leave," she giggled.

_Well, that was short lived._ Sighing, I headed to the bathroom. I shut the door and she yelled again. At least this time it wasn't at me.

"Christopher, go get dressed! We are all going!"

Leaning back out of the bathroom door, I caught Christopher's lounged attention.

"You better hurry before Sergeant Slaughter comes back in here and yanks you out of the bed."

He chuckled and ran his hand through his overgrown hair.

"I heard that," Laney shouted from the living room.

I ducked back into the bathroom and closed the door.

After breakfast, we went to the _NASCAR Speedway_. We started on the bumper boats before moving on to go-cart racing. After six rounds, Elliott crushed us. He was ridiculous and cheating. He had to be cheating. Apparently bored with kicking our asses, Elliott took Ryan over to the children's go-carts and went around with him a few times. Serena and I stood watching.

"He's really good with Ry, huh?" I said, nudging her.

A smile spread across her face.

"Ry really likes him too," she said. Her face then fell.

"Hey...what's with the sad face?" I asked, putting my hand on her shoulder.

"I just...I don't know. What happens when we aren't touring with them anymore?" she queried, looking at me with a worried expression.

I hugged her.

"It will all work out."

She sighed and nodded her head, but she wasn't convinced.

"Has he said anything about it?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "And, believe it or not, I haven't been able to bring myself to ask him." She laughed a little.

I feigned shock.

"What? The great and powerful Oz is afraid of a boy?" I chuckled.

She smacked me.

"Ouch! It will all work out." I kissed her cheek and put my arm over her shoulder.

"Are you sure I'm the big sister?" she asked, putting her head on my shoulder.

"Hell yes! I'm not that old yet!" I laughed.

"You little bitch!"

I took off running with Serena close on my heels.

Elliott let Ry win a few times, and when they finished, we went to play Jurassic Golf. Ryan loved the dinosaurs, and I loved the fact that I was actually kicking ass at something. I did a couple of victory dances in Kat's face since we were opponents.

"You are a sore winner!" she complained and stuck out her tongue.

"Oh, are you offering some tongue service for my birthday?" Everyone in our group turned around to look at us.

"You know it, baby...I would love to get my tongue between –"

"Ewww...too much information, Kat! That's like incest!"

We both laughed.

"So it's only because I'm like your sister?" she raised an eyebrow.

"You know it, baby!" I said, smacking her ass. "You are one hot bitch!" We both burst into a fit of laughter.

When the afternoon was over, we headed back to the hotel. Ryan was going to the pool with Andrea and then having a movie night while the rest of us went out to honor the birthday plans Laney arranged.

"Mia!" Laney yelled from within my room.

I walked into the bedroom and into her grasp. She pulled me over to the bed.

"Get dressed," she urged with a smile, motioning to my outfit.

"Oh, hell no! It's my birthday I shouldn't have to wear –"

"Put it on, Mia!" she ordered, scowling.

I could try to fight her, I could even try to negotiate, but eventually I would lose this battle. I always did when it came to the birthday outfit.

"I'll be back to do your hair," she said sternly and walked out of my room. With a salute from me, she gave me one more unyielding look.

Turning back to the bed, I sighed at the clothing lying before me. There was a pair of black skinny jeans, which weren't the problem. The problem was the super tiny black vest looking top I was supposed to put on and then the shoes. She was definitely trying to make this the last birthday I would ever be able to walk.

I put everything on before she came back into the room. She had my size perfected. Everything fit like a glove. I stood in the mirror trying to cover up my stomach. It was really exposed and the corset-like effect of the vest gave me more cleavage than I'd ever had in my life.

"Fuck!"

I turned at Kat's exclamation.

"Mia, you look hot. I put my tongue offer back on the table. Screw the incest shit. I would totally be your girlfriend." She smiled and winked before she pulled me into the bathroom.

"What are –?"

"I'm doing your make-up," she said, patting the counter top for me to sit on.

When Kat finished, Laney arrived armed with the curling iron. She didn't say one word, instead went straight to work. Once she was finished, they spun me around to the large bathroom mirror.

I whistled.

"Why do we have make-up and wardrobe people, when you guys are capable of this?" I laughed. Kat and Laney gave each other a fist bump.

"We are amazeballs," Kat boasted.

"Holy Hotness!" Serena said as she leaned into the bathroom, looking me over.

"Why thank you, my dear." I curtsied.

"Don't look at my girlfriend like that," Kat quipped playfully.

Laughing, we left for the next location on Laney's birthday to do list. The guys were waiting down in the lobby for us.

Christopher

Jesus Christ, how fucking long does it take to change your damn clothes? 'We'll be down in five minutes,' they said, 'we just have to change real quick,' they said. They fucking lied. Lies, all lies. Fucking women!

"How much longer?" An equally frustrated Jackson was growling into his phone. "Okay, but hurry your ass up!" He sighed after he hung up. "Fucking women!"

Feel ya, bro.

We'd been waiting for thirty minutes. Thirty fucking minutes. Apparently, five minutes in women time. A few minutes after Jackson ended the call and they still hadn't pranced their asses down here. I was about to suggest waiting in the bar, but the elevator dinged, alerting its arrival. Kat and Serena step off. Quietly, I huffed in annoyance.

"Finally!" Elliott shouted and strolled over, wrapping himself around Serena. "I'm starving." He pulled her toward the lobby doors.

Seeing as only two of four had walked off the elevator, I stayed where I was and looked back to the elevator. Laney exited, her head bobbling with her chipper walk. Then, there was Mia. My lips parted, completely forgetting how to breathe. _Holy fucking mother of Christ! All of my wet dreams just became a reality. How am I supposed to contain my raging hard on for her when she looks this fucking killer? She's killing me. My balls are fucking weeping._ Clearing my head, I forced myself to regain composure on the way to the car.

I had to focus on anything but Mia in that outfit. It was much harder than I thought it would be. My brain couldn't get past the thought of her very long, long legs in those tight black pants, the exposed creamy skin of her stomach, and the way her dark hair flowed around her practically bare shoulders. I could only imagine those legs wrapped around my waist, the feel of her stomach under my fingertips, the way her hair would feel wrapped around my fist as I devoured her inch by fucking inch. Then, there was the tattoo. That damn black tattoo taunted me with the way it dipped into the waist of her pants. I was so fucking hard right now; I don't think an ice bath could quench my desire.

We arrived at _Broadway Louis_ and migrated to the arcade. No matter how hard I tried to avoid her in hopes of dissuading my dick, I continued to find myself following her with my eyes. The guys in this place were gawking at her and I wanted to gouge their eyes out. _She is mine, assholes. Even if she doesn't realize it yet._ At least Laney had been smart enough to have both sets of security with us tonight.

At one point Mia took off her shoes and stood next to Kat on a _Dance Dance Revolution_ machine. Their laughter was infectious and I found myself smiling with them. I could undoubtedly pick out Mia's laugh from anywhere. Becoming so attuned to her scared me.

"So, are you going to go over there or are you just going to eye fuck her all night?" Laney asked, smiling and offering me a beer. I accepted it.

"What are you talking –?"

"Please," she said and put her hand up. "Don't even try it." She rolled her eyes and walked over to Mia.

Once she was there, she turned and motioned me over. Taking a large drink of my beer, I walked over. My eyes started at her active feet and slipped up her legs, over her ass, the smooth concave slope of her lower back. I had to stop there, before I found the closet bathroom and jerked off. _Nuns, puppies, babies._ I was trying to tame my thoughts, but it was no use. My cock was throbbing. It really needed to be touched.

After the _Dance Dance Revolution_ battle between Kat and Mia was over, they tried to get me to do it, but there was no fucking way I was getting on that machine. Honestly, Mia could've gotten me to dance with a monkey on my fucking head if she really tried, but she didn't press on the subject much. I was becoming a total pussy where she was concerned. Lucky for me, Xander arrived and they forced him to play instead.

Copious amounts of alcohol later, we were all starting to get pretty fucking trashed. I had lost count. I'm not a pussy when it comes to alcohol, but I was starting to feel fucked up. By the looks of everyone else, they were also riding the alcohol high train. We started playing the Daytona Car Race game, taking turns in groups of four. Laney grouped everyone, preparing our buddy groups for her next scheduled destination. After Elliott kicked our fucking asses in fake racing, we decided to head out.

_Club Boca_ was a beach-themed dance club in Myrtle Beach. It was definitely not my scene, but Kat, Serena, and Mia were out on the dance floor so fast you wouldn't have thought they just arrived.

Sitting back, I watched from the VIP area. Jackson and Elliott were sitting with me. Jimmy was out on the floor with the girls completely willing to take all their crazy moves without thinking twice. The drinks kept coming, eventually turning into shots. I drew my line at shots. I was already feeling good, no reason to waste a good buzz by getting fucked to smithereens.

Looking out on the floor, I couldn't help but be drawn to Mia. She was dancing with Xander now. I fell into a trance with her hips. They moved and her body slid against his. It was so fucking hot. I couldn't help but picture her sliding her hips over me. Licking my lips, I adjusted myself for what felt like the hundredth fucking time tonight. She was practically fucking Xander with their clothes on.

Through my alcohol-induced haze, it finally clicked in. _She was practically fucking Xander with their clothes on._ I felt my face heat and chest started to constrict with a familiar pang. It was the same way I felt seeing those douchebags touch her in the water. What had she called it? Jealousy. _Fuck that. I'm not fucking jealous of anything or anyone. I'm Christopher fucking Mason. My name alone has made chicks orgasm all over the world._

"He's gay, you know."

My head snapped in Jackson's direction.

"Your face is giving away what you're thinking," he said with a smirk.

I was about to protest his correct assumption, but a deep scowl spread across his face. His attention wasn't on me anymore. It was on the dance floor. Glancing where he was looking, two guys were trying to push their bodies onto Laney. She looked like she was stuck between them and desperately trying to escape.

Jackson stood before I could look back at him. I got up and attempted calming him to the point that death wasn't on his radar. Laney could handle these douchebags and he didn't need to stride in like a fucking caveman. Once I grabbed his arm, trying to keep him from going apeshit, I looked back to the floor to assess the situation. One of the douches moved toward Mia and shoved Xander to the side.

Oh, fuck that!

Both of us moved with the speed and grace of a jungle cat to the floor. I pulled the aggressor off Mia and stood between them.

"What the fuck, dude?" the guy shouted.

Seething with anger, my fists clenched and my nose flared with hot breaths.

"Christopher," Mia called from behind me. "Christopher!"

I looked down at Mia, and her hand came to my face.

"It's okay."

She moved her hands to my fists and tried to unclench them with her fingers. I started to relax a little, but not enough to keep me from pummeling his face into the fucking ground.

"Holy shit! You...You're Christopher fucking Mason!" the asshole exclaimed, all excited. "From The Forgotten."

Annoyed, I turned back to glare at him. The anger rose again. When it reached my eyes, they fucking burned with intent. _Nobody fucking touches her except for me._ He backed up a little.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know she was your girl. Man...shit...Christ, I'm a huge fan."

I was about to lose it again, but there was a tug on my arm. Before I could turn, Mia was standing in front of me.

"It's okay. Honest mistake," she said with an uncomfortable laugh.

"Oh wow, you're..."

My jaw clenched tighter.

"Fuck me, you're Mia Ryder!"

He turned his head toward the douchebag Jackson had removed from Laney.

"Dude, I was fucking dancing with Mia Ryder!"

A proud smile spread across his face. My body tensed up. She spun around when she felt my flexed body.

"It's okay, Christopher. Calm down. It's over. Relax."

She turned back to the asshole in front of us.

"It was a simple mistake. Have a goodnight."

I wrapped my arms around her, and she leaned back against my chest. She started guiding us backwards, but this asshole wasn't getting the hint.

"Can I get a picture with you guys?" he asked, holding up his cell.

That was it, I fucking lost it.

"Hey, ass clown, how about you take a fucking picture of my fist shoved up your ass? Will that be enough of a fucking memory for you?" I coaxed, hoping like hell he would come at me.

"Maybe another time," Mia quickly replied, trying to ease the situation.

Turning in my arms to face me, she began pushing me backwards.

"I'm gonna kill that –"

She shoved me harder.

"It's over, Chris," she said, her hand cupping my face. I looked down into her eyes. "It's okay. He wasn't going to hurt anyone."

I scowled. _Is that was this was about? Did she really think that was why I had come out here?_

Her body pressed against mine, and the pulse between us took over. Grabbing her hand, I pulled her behind me and out the door. The flashes of cameras and reporters' questions flew out around us. We got in the first available yellow car. Letting go of her hand, I buried my face in my palms.

"Christopher, are you okay?" she asked in a low tone.

Okay? Hell no, I'm not okay. I'm not okay without you. Why can't you see that? I don't want anyone else to touch you. I wanted to scream it at her; make her understand.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed to get out of there. Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's alright. I've reached my alcohol limit anyhow," she giggled and motioned over her shoulder. "My knight in shining armor, coming to save me from a drunk wanting to dance," she mused, poking fun at my behavior.

I didn't respond. I was on edge and the alcohol wasn't helping. The rest of the drive was quiet, and soon we arrived to her room. Before opening the suite, she turned around, looking up to me. There was a sway in her body from the spin and the alcohol.

"Goodnight," she lightly slurred. "Unless you're staying here."

She laughed and opened her door. I helped her into the room. She pulled off her shoes and tossed them to a corner of the living room.

"God, that feels so much better!" she moaned like she was in ecstasy. My dick twitched from the sound. I wanted to make her moan, make her fucking writhe in ecstasy, and scream my name, over and over.

My silence must have bothered her. She turned around and looked at me, confused.

"You're quiet, you know that?" she said, smiling. Her eyes met mine dead. In two long strides, I stood before her, silently pleading with her to see how I felt.

Cupping her neck, I slid my other hand to the small of her back and crushed my lips to hers, intently and passionately. A voice in the back of my head kept yelling that she was going to protest and we'd both had too much to drink, but the pulsing heat between us drowned the voice. When her hands wrapped around my neck and her fingers laced into my hair, the little voice was officially strung-up and shot.

We hungrily attacked each other, battling for domination of the other's mouth. Moving us toward her bedroom, I kicked the door shut behind us. She jumped from the noise, but didn't remove her lips.

I fisted her hair, pulling her closer. Her taste was heavenly. It was like getting a taste of mythological ambrosia of the Gods. I wasn't worthy, but I couldn't stop. She moaned and I stiffened. She tilted her head back and gasped for air.

The tilt allowed my lips to move over her chin and down her throat. Her fingers gripped my shoulders. I kissed at the base of her neck. She wasn't pulling away or rejecting me, she was pulling me closer.

I ran my hands down to her collarbone and traced the path with my lips. Her fingers reached the hem of my shirt, coasting along my stomach, up to my chest, before taking my shirt over my head. I reached back down, frenzied from her actions. I took the scrap of a shirt she was wearing and ripped the buttons from their thread, exposing her glorious fucking tits to my wrath. I dipped my head and traced her lace nipples with my tongue. They peaked to attention and my cock became rock fucking solid.

She tore at the button of my jeans and wrenched them down my legs, brushing her hands against my erection. I sucked harder on a nipple while attacking her pants and throwing them to the ground. She moaned the most glorious of moans and my control was gone. I grasped onto her thighs and lifted, wrapping her legs around my waist. Pushing her down on the bed with our bodies still in full contact, I grinded up against her wet heat and poured my attention into her other nipple.

Pushing the remains of her top from her body, I took her nipple fully into my mouth. I suckled, licked, and lightly nibbled. Fuck, she tastes good, sounds good, and the feel of her bare skin combined with the smell of her arousal consumed every one of my senses.

She whimpered, using her hands to pull my head closer to her.

My fingers slid over her soft stomach until I reached the lace edge of her panties and dipped my hand under. Slipping one finger over her, she called out my name.

The heat and wetness awakened my primal need. Dipping my index finger inside of her, she writhed, tilting her hips to my hand. Inserting my middle finger alongside my index, I began pumping them in and out of her. Rhythmically, she moved her hips against my hand. She moans again, bit her lip, and starts playing with the nipple I wasn't lavishing. God, she's so fucking hot. Releasing her nipple, I watched her work herself into a frenzy on my hand.

"Christopher...please," she growled the sexiest plea I'd ever heard in my life. It was musical. _I wonder if she would let me record it for the next album._

So fucking turned on I could barely think, I remove my fingers from her and strip her panties away from her body. Shifting myself around awkwardly, I got my boxers off and positioned myself at her entrance. Heat radiates from her pussy against my hard flesh, causing a tremble through my body. Rubbing my tip against her clit, we moan in unison. One lift of her hips toward me and I dove into heaven.

"Oh fuck! Christ, Mia!"

A shiver ran up my spine. So fucking tight, and warm, and wet, and fucking perfect, she pushed her hips forward against me again but I had to pause for a second. She felt too fucking good, I was about to lose my shit already.

"Please, Christopher...please..."

The mewling was not helping my situation. _Calm, Christopher. Do not need to lose your shit yet. You are not a one and half pump chump. Keep it together, man._

Feeling a bit more in control of myself, I began slowly thrusting in and out of her. I needed to be deeper, needed...I wrapped her legs around my waist, opening her wide to me. I thrust in again, a little harder this time. We are so deeply connected now. I wanted to get lost in her forever. She feels so amazing, too amazing. Palming the back of her right thigh, I lifted, and squeezed. Thrusting harder, deeper, hitting the exact spot I was aiming for. My movements were rhythmic, like the most beautiful guitar riff playing throughout my body.

"Oh, God...Chris....Ungh...fuck," she moaned, meeting my movements.

Every muscle in her body tensed up. Then her heavenly body clenched down on me so tight there was no stopping my forceful orgasm.

"Mia...shit...oh ggg..."

Spilling deep inside her, I buried my head in the pillow above her shoulder. Our hips slowed, riding out the orgasmic high. Both panting and sticking from sweat, I rolled us to our sides, her bare chest rising and falling against mine. Lightly running my fingertips over her curves, a desperate need to commit every one of them to memory took over. Just before I'm about to fall into a satisfied sleep, I bring my lips to her ear, whispering, "Happy Birthday, Mia."

Mia

_Oh, fuck me, how much did I drink last night?_ There was so much sunlight in my room. Opening my eyes, a blast of the worst headache ever pierced my skull. My head was spinning and I felt like death. Rolling over, I landed on a bare chested Chris. Grabbing the comforter, I pull it over my head and wish the sun away. Trying to remember what happened last night, I could only hope I didn't make an ass out of myself. Once my mind finally caught up, my eyes flew open and I flipped the covers off my face, sitting up quickly.

"Oh shit!" I screeched, covering my mouth and scanning his body. A very naked Christopher started to stir. I lay back on my pillow and covered my face with my hands, instantly sober.

_What did I do? Oh, God, what did I do? Oh, my God, Serena is going to kill me. Fuck, Una is gonna flip out. Son of a bitch, this can't happen._ I glanced over at Christopher one more time. He is so goddamn beautiful, and good Lord, could he work a woman over. A brief moment of satisfyingly good memories from last night passed through my mind. My libido stirred to life, ready for another round of Christopher Mason.

His hands on my skin, the way the cool metal ball of his tongue piercing felt against my nipple. His viper bites rubbing against my inner thigh.

Groaning, I bit my lip hard. _Stop it, Mia! This will never work._

"I'm taking you remember last night?" he chuckled.

"This is so not funny, Christopher," I mumbled through the arms covering my face. "Oh, God , what did I do?"

"Well...you couldn't keep your hands off my –" I covered his mouth with my hand.

"Shut up," I growled. "Okay, let's just pretend this didn't happen. Deal?"

"Pretend, what? Mia, why are –"

"Just shhhh."

I put one finger to his lips. "We both had too much to drink. Just get dressed and pretend nothing happened last night." Grabbing the sheet from the bed, I wrap it around myself heading for the shower. "Oh, God, I'm such an idiot."

I groaned all the way to the bathroom. After collapsing into a ball on the shower floor, I tried to forget last night happened. _As if I could forget the way his tongue, his hands, and those long fingers played my body._ Once I felt a little more human, I got out and dried off. Walking back out into my room, I stopped short.

"You're serious?" he asked in a frustrated tone. "You want to pretend it never happened?"

I didn't move for a moment. With a simple nod from me, his face went from hurt, to sadness, to anger.

"Christopher, this just complicates everything. We have to work together, I know you, well you have your 'groupies', we travel together, and you're trying to work on...all your stuff. At the end of all this, you will go your way and I'll go mine. I was just starting to feel like friends and then I had to go and get super friendly."

Apparently so friendly that I introduced my vagina to his cock.

I groaned again.

"It's my fault. It's best just to stop it all now."

Before I could make my way any closer to him, he stood up and grabbed his shirt. He slipped it over his deliciously broad and tattoo covered shoulders.

"Christopher –"

"Don't fucking worry about it," he snapped. "It's was nothing, right? Didn't mean shit? I'll just go grab one of my 'groupies' and fuck her until I forget. In fact, maybe I'll grab two, or three."

Hurt coursed through my chest. _But, fuck me, if I didn't deserve this._

"Oh, by the way," he said, drawing my eyes from the bed to him standing at the door. "We _are not_ fucking friends."

He closed the door behind him.

Standing there in my robe for a few minutes, long fingers of hurt wrapped around my heart and squeezed. I collapsed to the carpet and cried. _What did I let happen? I ruined everything._

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-One

Mia

A week in Myrtle Beach passed and Christopher stayed away. Once again, he avoided me and this time it really was my entire fault. I should have never let anything happen. I couldn't even blame the alcohol. I was well aware of what was going on. I just couldn't stop, everything felt so right. He had felt so...shit, I couldn't even describe it. I shook off those thoughts, and we went on stage.

A month of performances went by. Myrtle Beach, SC; Atlanta, GA; Birmingham, AL; Pensacola, FL; and we were in Orlando, FL this weekend. The only time you found Chris and I together was on stage for our duet. The first night was _really_ uncomfortable and off. Laney noticed it and tried to quiz me, but I rebuffed her. It was hard enough to shake the thought of him. I didn't need her bringing it up, too.

In October, there weren't many tourists, so we talked to Una about Disney. She made some calls and got us passes to all the parks. Ryan was so excited, we found ourselves riding the same rides multiple times. Elliott was acting as much a kid as Ry. We spent four afternoons visiting the parks.

Laney got her picture with every princess she could get and even talked me into the Princess Boutique. She exited the boutique in full Snow White attire, while I was Jasmine.

Elliott definitely favored Epcot and the different countries, since he could eat something different in each place. Jackson loved the different drinks available. Kat and I loved the Mickey Mouse hats we sported throughout the park, as well as the many photo ops we had with people who recognized us. To top off the Disney trip for me, I got to meet Maleficent and Ursula. They are my favorites.

The hotel we were staying in had an amazing indoor pool that I took full advantage of. On the last day before the concert, I went and did a promotional radio meeting.

No one said anything, but the looks were signs they knew something happened between Christopher and me. Serena's looks were the worst. She knew me too well and I feared she'd already put two and two together. Luckily, no one brought it up.

After Florida, we traveled to Little Rock, AK and then spent Halloween in New Orleans, LA. The New Orleans show was amazing, and going through all the areas of New Orleans was heartbreaking and interesting at the same time.

Halloween in New Orleans was something I would never forget. We all dressed up as ghouls and took Ry to the Boo at the Zoo event. On the way back to the hotel, we stopped to check out the _Voodoo Music Experience_ in City Park. _Amazing_!

Once Andrea had Ryan in bed for the night, we joined the _Vampire Lestat Fanclub_ for their annual Queen of the Damned Ball. Laney was adamant we change into vampire costumes before we attended, so we each picked a vampire costume from a different era.

The music was great, the people amazing, and the Vampire-themed alcohol was aplenty. Laney passed Vampire Juice out to everyone. One attempt to sip at it and my stomach turned at the smell of tomato and horseradish. From that point forward, water was my choice of drink.

Before we left New Orleans, Una called a meeting where she informed us that the duet "Broken" was number one on the charts, and the single was already selling record amounts in online downloads. We were excited about the news, but a small part of me ached.

"Mia," Una said, turning her attention to me. "Richard and the label want more collaboration."

"You mean another duet with Christopher?"

"Well, they would like for you two to work together on another song yes; however, they want this to be something that Hush would typically perform. Richard has suggested Christopher be featured on your song this time, instead of you featured on his," she said and smiled. "Do you think this is something we can accomplish?"

"Um...sure, but is it expected before the end of this tour? I mean –"

"No, no, no," she shook her head for emphasis, "there really is no timeline for it, though they would prefer you to have it sooner than later. For this tour, we don't anticipate a performance. We simply want to record and distribute, for now."

I nodded, and we finished a few other things Una needed to discuss. Before leaving, she said one last thing.

"Mia, I'll get with Nicholas and let him know about the collaboration. They'll probably want to schedule a meeting for you both to meet with Richard and so forth, okay?"

I gave her thumbs up and she left.

Our last night in New Orleans was a late one. Laney and Kat decided my current mood was getting on their nerves, so I needed to get out. We hit a couple of clubs. One was a dance club I wasn't in the mood for, but the jazz club was fantastic. They had open mic night and it was great.

The travel to Jackson, Mississippi was miserable. I spent most of the trip and first evening nauseated and puking. Thankfully, I was feeling better by the time we left for Vegas and hoped no one else would catch it. I was tired of being the sick one on the tour. However, I held out ridiculous hope Chris would show up during my sick night. Unlike before, he didn't show up.

Christopher

Saying I could easily forget that night was the biggest lie I would ever tell. After I fucking bled my heart out to her, shared my past with her, kept her company while she was sick, she wanted to throw my 'groupies' in my face and tell me she felt like I was using her like one? Fuck that. I was angry but I was also fucking hurt. She ripped a huge, gaping wound in my chest. She wanted to pretend it didn't fucking happen. While I felt like she kicked me in the balls and face at the same time, I could definitely pretend.

The memory of the night plays in my head on what felt like fucking repeat. _Yet another experience to haunt me._ While the Alcohol played a huge part in us being so unguarded, it wasn't the cause of our actions. The moment I tasted her on my lips, felt her beneath my body, entered her so deeply, it was as if I was complete, whole again. Being complete was something I hadn't felt in a long time. There was no way I could just let go of it, and I sure as fuck couldn't be friends with her. I wanted more, but she didn't. _What the fuck ever._

Throughout a huge part of the tour, I kept myself busy with music and writing. You wouldn't believe the songs that write themselves when you've been slapped in the face and your hearts been fucking stomped on.

It was hard to be close to her and not be with her, so hard my body became desperate in her presence. When I saw her swimming with Ryan in the Orlando hotel, it took every ounce of strength not to grab her like a fucking caveman, drag her back to my room, and scream at her until she submitted as mine.

During my latest session with Doctor J, in Jackson, I started to place the connection with Mia. The doctor had started asking me questions about relationships. We started with the relationship between my mother and me. Then we moved on to Gwen and Nicholas.

He helped me understand that I was very "soft" when it came to Gwen. After talking in some detail and length, I realized I cared for Gwen as a motherly figure, but not as a replacement. Nicholas was a different matter. I resented him and his life. While I had to suffer through hell, he was living the life with a family of his own. Similar feelings also seemed to apply to Jackson. I had a jealous streak when it came to Jackson and his relationships with Gwen, Nicholas, and, honestly, anyone else we come in contact with. It was easier for Jack to relate to others than it was for me.

Having never looked at the way I felt about people in comparison to how I treated them, it felt like weights coming off my shoulders, five pounds at a time. The largest weight was when Doctor J brought up women in my life – girlfriends, lovers, friends.

We discussed Stacia and Jessica, as well as the nameless others. The mention of Stacia caused a flood of guilt. I'd heard nothing in regards to her since that night and could only assume Nicholas had "taken care of" the situation. Doc saw my face and was quick to call me on it.

"What's going on up there?" he asked, motioning toward my head.

I shook my head.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me about it."

"It's just, well, Stacia..."

"What about her?" he pressed when I paused.

"I'm assuming Nicholas took care of it, but..." I trailed off, and he nodded for me to continue. "I never apologized for hurting her."

"And this is something that's bothering you?"

I shrugged.

"I guess. It's just that...Christ...it makes me just fucking like that prick!" I growled.

"Just like who?"

"Him," I growled.

"Your stepfather?" I nodded. "Christopher, you had no intention of hurting Stacia. You have issues that needed and still need worked out. You're not Colin."

"Then why do I feel like I am?" I snapped.

"It's called guilt, Chris. You feel guilty for hurting her."

I sighed and rubbed my rough hands over my face.

"Perhaps you should talk with Nicholas about Stacia to make sure she's okay?"

"I-I don't know," I said, shaking my head.

"You know, by now you should realize that holding things in will only eat away at you."

"I know, I know."

"Okay, well, think about it. Let's keep going with your relationships. What about Mia?"

Once he brought her up, a knot, twinge, and a wave of happiness laced in tension swelled. He asked me to talk about the feelings and actions toward her. It was much harder than discussing the others. Then he asked me that damn all too familiar question.

"Have you ever been in love with a woman?"

I sat there in silence for a few moments, mulling over this question a-fucking-gain. He waited patiently for my answer, but I had nothing to offer. _How could I answer the fucking question when I don't know what feelings I'm looking for?_ I looked up to his face.

"What does it feel like?"

He shook his head.

"You would know it if you felt it. However, with your situation, I'll try to explain. Just know, by no means is love something that can truly be defined in words."

He smiled and leaned forward toward me.

"Being in love with a woman can drive you crazy. She makes you feel like a great man, but can also bring you to a childlike state in a matter of one or two words. She can make you laugh when you want to cry, let you think you have all the power, but you know all that strength and power lie with her. You can see a forever with her just from her smile or a look, and sometimes you'll feel like you hate her for it."

He lightly chuckled.

"You'll never find anyone who can make you feel this way again, make you whole..."

My expression stopped him from finishing his explanation. I swallowed hard and my eyes widened in realization.

"Christopher?" he said with a small smirk.

"How long have you had it figured out?" I asked, not taking my hardened eyes off the coffee table in front of me.

"Oh...I've assumed for a while now, however it's not something someone can tell you. You have to discover it on your own for it to be genuine and real."

He sat back smiling widely.

"So, this is what it feels like?"

He nodded.

"It fucking sucks, doesn't it?"

Doctor J burst into a boisterous laugh.

"Oh, the student is learning so quickly," he said, calming his laughter. "My boy...it will be the worst and the best thing you've ever realized."

With that, he patted me on the back and excused himself from my room. I felt like a fucking moron. I am in fucking love with Mia.

Mia

In Vegas, the stomach bug came back, but dissipated as quickly as it arrived. Convincing everyone to let me out of the room for a while, we decided to take a walk through the Vegas strip together. Our bodyguards, Bishop and Phillip, objected to our very public stroll, but eventually they settled for tagging along.

Cameramen followed us and randomly asked questions. Sometimes they got an answer, other times just smiles. When we passed an IHOP, I made the girls go into the restaurant. Fans stopped us to sign autographs and we posed for some pictures as well. The paparazzi bothered us some, but as long as we gave them a few shots and were cordial, they didn't stalk our every move. Our security team's presence also deterred them from coming inside the restaurant. After we ate, we headed back out to the strip and visited a few different places.

We didn't get to just shop and do normal things like we used to. You never realize how much you miss it until it's taken away from you. On the way back to the hotel, we stopped in a store to grab some snack stuff. Bishop and Phillip stood at the entrance of the store to keep a close eye on those who entered. Kat headed straight for the Slurpee machine, Laney b-lined for the chip aisle hoping to find some vegetarian chips, and I went straight for the junk food aisle.

"Oh, Mia," Kat sang coming around the aisle.

"Yes, Kat," I sang back.

"Look what I found," she said, tearing open a large yellow bag. I smiled when I caught sight of the big red fish on front of the bright yellow bag. She shoved the opening toward me. The smell filled my nostrils and I clasped one hand over my mouth. My stomach twisted and my body convulsed. My eyes searched around the store. When I located the restroom sign, I didn't hesitate. I barely made it to the toilet before IHOP made its encore presentation in a convenient store toilet. _It had tasted so good going down._

Washing out my mouth in the restroom sink, I looked up into the mirror above the sink. Serena's reflection was in the mirror.

"Shit!" I said as I turned around to her. "Don't do that! It's like being in a bad horror flick."

She had a scowl on her face.

"What?"

"Those were Red Fish."

"Really?" I drawled, exaggerated.

"You love those things," she continued.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," I laughed.

"But they just made you sick" she said, furrowing her brow in confusion. "You've seemed really off lately, too."

"So what? You know this stomach bug has been –"

"Yeah, but you've been sick a couple of times and then the fish made you sick enough to throw up?"

"Yes, Mom, I puked. My stomach has been –"

"Did you sleep with Christopher?" she blurted.

"W-what?" I stammered, standing frozen, trying to fight the blush encompassing my entire head.

"You did!" she exclaimed, putting her hand on her forehead. "Jesus Christ, Mia!"

"What?" I said defensively. "You know we've slept together. I didn't say we had sex."

"It's written all over your face," she said, covering her face, a muffled groan escaping around her fingers. "It was your birthday night when you two disappeared, wasn't it? When he stormed out of our room, and stopped talking to you again?"

"I'm old enough to have sex with whomever I want," I spat and narrowed my eyes on her. "No matter how much you like to play mom –"

"Did you use a condom?"

"What?"

"Oh, Christ, what if you're pregnant? Or worse, what if you caught something from him?"

Our discussion was elevating to argument very quickly.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not pregnant!"

"You had sex. Did you use a condom?"

I hesitated at her question.

"I'll take that as a no," she snapped, venom dripping from her words. "Jesus, Mia, you have all the symptoms."

"You damn well know I'm on the pill! I've been on it since you got pregnant."

We wore matching glares.

"When was your last period?" she questioned like she had a medical degree.

"A few weeks ago when I started the white pills, jerk!" I shot back.

"You had a period?" she demanded. I could tell she didn't believe me.

"Yes," I shouted.

"Shh! Calm down. Was it heavy?"

"Oh. My. God! I'm not doing this. I had a period and I'm on the pill. I have the flu or something, let it go."

I pushed by her, but she grabbed my arm.

"Since you're so sure, you won't mind taking a test for me," she challenged with a raised eyebrow and a fake smile. I was about to argue with her, but she produced a white and blue box in an extended hand.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You've been on antibiotics, Mia. They can completely mess up your pills." Serena pulled me back toward a stall. I stopped in place.

"What?" I yelled, yanking my arm away from her. "No, I'm not—"

She'd gone crazy. Did she really just carry those around in her back pocket or something?

"I grabbed it on the way in here."

I hated how she could read me.

"Uh-huh," I muttered, eyeing her skeptically.

"Just do it, Mia," she shouted back, "since you are so sure!"

"Fine, Asshole!" I yelled and grabbed the box, stomping into the stall.

Sitting there for what felt like forever, I obviously couldn't perform under pressure.

"Are you done?"

"Shut up, I can't pee!"

I tried not to laugh too hard when I responded. Serena stifled her laugh as well. Part of me was glad the harsh words were over and we were getting back to acting like sisters again.

Finally, I was able to perform.

"Hand it to me," Serena ordered.

"Ew! I just pissed on this thing, no!" I shouted and fastened my pants.

Reaching over, I grabbed the white stick off the top of the toilet paper holder. One pink line stared back at me.

"What does one pink line mean?" I asked, walking out.

"That would be a negative," Serena exhaled in relief.

"Ha, told you!"

I handed over the stick to her and started a happy dance.

"Whoot whoot. Mia 1, Serena 0," I laughed.

"Damn it, Mia, you didn't wait for the results line."

I looked at her confused. "Huh?"

"You were looking at the control line before the test was finished."

She fell back against the wall and looked at me with shock in her eyes.

"What?" I asked, reaching down to grab the test. "What the hell is a control line?"

Two dark pink lines taunted me from the little gray window. _Fuck me running!_

"Shit!"

My eyes snapped up to Serena's face. Her eyes closed, head leaned against the wall.

"What...how...I'm on the fucking pill! I've been taking it every day. There has to be something wrong with this....go and get another one, a different one."

"Mia –"

"Go! Now!"

She pushed off the wall and went back out to the store. When she returned, I tore open the new box and went back to the stall.

"That's the only other kind they have here," Serena informed in a sad tone.

I tried to force myself to pee again, but I was getting nothing. A bottle of water appeared over the stall door. Pants around my knees, I stood up and grabbed it. Chugging the water, I waited. It felt like I sat on the damn toilet for hours before I could finally produce enough urine.

I sat looking at the front of the test waiting for the result. **Pregnant** popped up in the little gray oval. _Fuck, Fuck, Fuck Me!_ I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with Christopher Mason's baby. _What the fuck!_

"Damn it!" I screamed, dropping my head to Serena's shoulder as tears unwilling spilled forth.

"What the hell is taking so long?" Kat exclaimed, bursting through the restroom door.

"Yeah, what –?" Laney started.

They gasped in unison when their eyes shifted from Serena embracing me to the white sticks on the sink.

Everyone walked back to the hotel in stunned silence. Kat collected the tests, mumbling something about sick fucks and media. Serena had my right arm and Laney my left, helping me walk back. Bishop and Phillip stole curious glances. Despair wasn't strong enough of a word for the way I was feeling.

Of course, we just have to pass Christopher and Elliott walking through the lobby. I couldn't look at either of them. Keeping my eyes forward, I began walking faster.

Shit! Can he tell? Of course, he can't tell. I've lost my mind. Maybe the tests are wrong. They aren't one hundred percent accurate. There's still like a point one percent they are wrong. Maybe I'm dehydrated? Could that cause a false positive?

"What happened?" Elliott's eyes on me were like stun guns, but I refused to meet them.

"Nothing, she just isn't feeling well again," Kat said, shrugging.

Christopher's curious look was the worst, but I ignored him, too. There was no way I could look in his eyes without breaking into a hysteric fit. It was straight to bed when we got to the hotel. Exhaustion crept up on me and I fell soundly asleep. I woke up with Serena lying next to me. I rolled over.

"Hey," she said, her eyes open and looking at me.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I guess," I said, sitting up. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Sis."

A tear escaped my eye and slid down my face. I hadn't called her Sis since I was very, very young, but, in this moment, I felt like a small child.

"Maybe it's wrong."

The hopeful whisper of denial didn't sound convincing to my own ears. Serena sat up next to me.

"We'll get through this. I'll be there, and you know Linda will be there for this baby just as she is for Ry. It will be –"

"Whoa, Serena, I don't know if I can."

"It's not easy, but you know what it's like."

"No, you don't get what I'm saying. I don't think I can go through with the pregnancy. I think maybe the best option here would be –"

"Do not finish that sentence! Don't even fucking think about it, Mia," she shouted loudly, bringing Laney, Kat, and Una into the room. "You can't do that. That's the most horrible thing you've ever –"

"What the hell is going on?" Kat asked, approaching the bed and sitting at the end. Laney and Una stood next to her. Neither of us responded. Instead, we acted as if she never said a word.

"I have to consider all of my options and that is one of them," I argued back.

"Someone please tell me what's going on?" Laney sighed, loud and dramatic.

"She wants to kill the baby," Serena growled.

My eyes grew large and I quickly turned toward Una, who now turned her wide eyes on me. She moved her eyes over my stomach and back to my face.

"Mia...you...you're pregnant?" she barely whispered.

I nodded as tears slipped past my lashes. Laney stood up and put her arm around me.

"Serena, take it easy on her. She's fucking scared."

"Mia, you know I was scared at twenty-four, but I did it, and look at Ryan. Would you want me to have gotten rid of him?"

"How can you even ask me that?" I sobbed.

"Okay, everyone, calm the hell down," Kat broke in. "This is Mia's decision, not ours. We need to support her, not scream at her."

Kat shifted her eyes to Serena who was still steaming mad.

"No, I think it's his decision, too," Serena snapped, shifting her eyes to me and raising a brow. I wanted to rip out her damn eyebrow piercing.

"You wouldn't."

"Mia, you can't honestly think the best option is to kill an innocent child," Serena pleaded.

"Alright, enough!"

We turned our stunned faces to Una. She took a deep breath.

"I just made a call to the doctor and he'll be here in about thirty minutes," she said, turning to look at me. "How do you know for sure?"

I pointed at Serena.

"The pregnancy test Nazi made me take a test this afternoon because I threw up!"

Una rubbed her forehead with her hand.

"You did this in public? What if someone could've seen all of this happen?" Una asked and sunk down to the bed. "You guys have to think more about being in public. The paparazzi could get a hold of this story and run wild with it."

She sighed. Kat assured her she collected the tests and only gave the clerk a hundred dollars without explaining why. Una looked slightly relieved, but started to make more phone calls. A half hour later, the doctor arrived and did some basic tests on me while everyone waited outside of my room.

"Well, the urine test is a positive, and it will take a couple of days to get the blood test results. We also have to get you into a doctor's office for more blood work, a checkup, and some other things if the blood test confirms the urine sample. I'll get it all scheduled for you and keep it a private matter," he said, smiling before heading out of the room.

Serena was the first one to enter the room. "Mia –"

"You know what, Serena? I need my big sister right now, not a pro-life advocate!" I spat and lay back down on the bed. My door shut.

"I'm sorry, Mia. I really am. I just hate the thought of –"

"I know," I sighed. "I'm sorry if it bothers you, but I have to make the best decision for me."

I heard her open her mouth to speak again.

"I haven't made up my mind, Serena. I'm just considering all options." We sat in silence for a long time before Una came back into the room.

"Mia, the doctor has scheduled your appointment with me and I'm going to move the meeting with Christopher and Nicholas to another day, okay?"

I could only nod. The mention of Christopher made me feel nauseated. I decided not to leave the hotel room until it was absolutely necessary.

Christopher

Sitting in the hotel living room, Nicholas mentioned my meeting with Mia today was rescheduled due to an appointment. I tried not to look disappointed about not getting to be with her.

Seeing Mia at each concert, I could see a drastic change in her attitude and physically. She just wasn't the same. Her body looked thinner, her skin a sickly pale white, and her eyes were plagued with deep purple bags. I'd heard rumors of her being sick again, but my pride didn't allow me to inquire any further.

Once Nicholas left, Jackson followed me into my bedroom slamming the door shut.

"What the fuck, Jackson?"

"You fucking liar," he yelled.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Fighting between confusion and anger, I tried to stay calm.

"Bullshit," he yelled, raising one eyebrow cockily. "You said you weren't sleeping with her."

I sighed and sat down on the bed.

"I guess you heard from Laney."

"No, not exactly."

I looked up at him, confused.

"I overheard a conversation when I was in their room."

"Oh," I sighed again and ran my hand through my hair.

"That's all you can say?" He stood in front of me, arms over his chest.

"What do you want me to say? It was just the one time, _Dad_."

"Just one time?"

"Yes, asshole," I snapped, my words soaked in sarcasm.

"Whatever. I can't believe you want her to have an abortion. That's just so pathetic, Christopher, even for you. You're a fucking douchebag."

Jackson's words tore through me.

"Abortion?" I coughed.

"You didn't know?" he whispered in realization.

"How do you know? Are you sure?"

Her looking sick, the rumors of being sick, her appointment; it all fell into place. _One time? Seriously, one fucking time and the boys decided to run rampant and take anything they could fucking get, including her fucking ovaries? Mother of fucks._

"Shit, Jackson! What the fuck do you know?"

"Christopher, I thought you knew and you wanted....Fuck!" He rubbed his hands over his face.

"This is your last chance, Jackson!" I threatened, grabbing onto his shirt.

"I told you. I overheard part of a conversation when we were in Vegas." He took a deep breath. "Maybe it's not yours." Jack's voice trailed into a whisper with the last two words.

Pain and then anger took turns biting at me.

"What did you hear? Are you sure she is...and she's going to...Wait! You waited till now, and you found out in Vegas?" I demanded, searching his face and seeing pain.

He explained what he heard almost a week ago, and then told of his suspicions about her appointment today.

"Today?" I asked, grabbing a sweatshirt and slipping on my shoes.

"What are you doing?" he yelled as I ran from the room.

"I have to stop her!"

Out of the suite, I ran for girl's suite.

There was no fucking way I was going to let her abort my child. Fuck no! I had a fucking say. It was my child, too. I had to get to her. I had to tell her...

Reaching her door, I beat on it furiously. About to knock again, the door swung open and Laney's confused and nervous face greeted me.

"Where is Mia?" I asked breathlessly and pushed by her. I went to her room to find her. It was empty.

"She's not here," she said. "She had an appointment."

"Where is she, Laney? I need to find her."

I was practically begging for information.

"Christopher...." she sighed and took a breath, "she went to an appointment. She'll be back later this after –"

"No, Laney. Where is she now? What's the appointment?"

Grabbing onto her shoulders, my fingers dug a little too deep.

"It's a doctor appointment," she choked.

"Let go of her, Christopher," Jackson yelled and approached from the door. Releasing Laney, I started pacing and running both hands though my hair.

"What doctor, Laney?"

She bit her lip and furrowed her brow, clearly hesitant to answer me.

"Fucking shit, Laney! Tell me! I need to stop her!"

Laney's eyes widened.

"You know?" she whispered.

When she wouldn't respond, I pulled out my phone and called Una.

"Christopher? What –"

"Where's Mia?"

"She's at an appointment. We'll be back –"

"Una, I need to fucking talk to her! Please?" I begged, heading downstairs to get a car.

"I'm sorry, Christopher. We'll talk when we get back."

She hung up. _The bitch hung up on me!_

"Fuck!" I screamed aloud in the elevator, scaring a small elderly couple.

"Sorry," I mumbled before running off the elevator toward the front doors.

There was a yellow car sitting right out front. Climbing in, my phone pinged. It was a text message from an unknown number.

I'm the only ally you have right now. 1505 Westlake Avenue – Dr. Lin. Hurry!

Throwing two hundred dollars at the driver, I gave him the address and told him to get me there in five minutes. He saw the money and floored the gas pedal.

Rushing into the medical building, the main lobby filled with large bellies or tiny babies. I stood shocked for a moment before I remembered why I was here. One deep breath and I rushed to the large window. Behind the plexiglass sat a plump brunette in blue scrubs.

"Hello, I'm looking for someone."

I tapped the window impatiently. She turned to me with an annoyed expression.

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll need to wait out here," she spoke nervously and took in my disheveled and distraught appearance.

"You don't understand. I need to get back there –"

"Is your wife back here?"

"No, not exactly...but I'm the....the..." I swallowed hard.

"The father?" she raised her eyebrows.

I nodded. _Fuck me, I was going to be someone's father._ That would take some getting used to.

"Are you expected?" she demanded. I hesitated too long in my response, and she realized I wasn't. "Give me the name and I will check with them."

"M....actually, I would rather write it, just to keep it private."

She looked at me as if I was insane. I wrote it on a piece of paper, ripped off the sign in sheet, and slid it over to her.

"I don't have anyone by this name here, sir. You must be mistaken," she said, pushing the paper back to me.

I dropped my forehead against the glass window roughly causing her to jump. I was so frustrated I could smash the window and climb across the desk to look for Mia myself. Then a door to my right opened and a nurse appeared asking for a Mrs. Haney. While she was looking around the room, I took the chance and ran by her, down the hallways.

"Sir, you can't be back here! Sir!" nurses were yelling.

I didn't give one fuck, I kept moving and looked at the charts on the wall. Passing all the doors, I hadn't found her name. Sliding down a wall, I sat on the floor with my head in my hands. They lied to me. I groaned loudly.

"Sir, you need to leave now." A large, red haired nurse stood above me with a stern look on her face.

"I just need to find her. I need to tell her...that I....that....she can't do this," I said, a tear escaping from the corner of my eye. "Please...I need to find Mia Ryd –"

"Shh, sir we don't have anyone here by that name," she sighed, putting a hand out to me and helping me up. Then she leaned in close to me.

"There is no one here by that name," she said loudly. "But, Amy White is there." She pointed to a room and walked away.

It took me four long strides to reach the door she showed me. I knocked, but got nothing. Opening the door, there was no one there, but clothes and bags on a chair. Turning around, I looked back out the hallway. Then muffled arguing filled the space around me.

"Serena, stop it! Please!"

Mia!

Rushing toward her voice, I busted through a gray door with a small window.

"I don't want to hear it, Serena!"

Storming into the room, a foreign sound filled the room.

"Whoosh, whoosh whoosh, whoosh."

"Sir, you can't be in here."

Is that all anyone in this place has to fucking say?

"Is that –?"

"Christopher?"

Panic and fear tainted her voice. It was too dark to see the expression on her face, but I was sure it wasn't a pleasant one. She scrambled up from the table and the sound disappeared. I rushed to her side.

"You shouldn't be here."

Mia

"I'm sorry, Christopher. We'll talk when we get back," Una said before she hung up. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding.

"You should tell him and see how he feels about this," Serena chimed in.

"Jesus, will you just shut up for a little bit. I'm not making any final decision in this car, and I'm not telling Christopher."

Serena finally fell silent for a few moments, distracted by her cell phone. I pondered what would happen if he somehow found out.

We entered through a rear entrance at the medical building. The nurse showed us into a room quickly and sat down a chart with my cover name, Amy White. The nurse went through a multitude of questions and basic stats—blood pressure, weight, urine samples. It was lovely.

Doctor Lin arrived and conducted the pap smear, a belly check, and then informed me he wanted to get an ultrasound before I left so we could determine how far along I was and check on the heartbeat.

"I don't want to see or hear anything."

"Mia, how can you –?"

My glare shut her up. The doctor cleared his throat.

"That can be arranged," he left the room and, soon after, a nurse arrived.

Escorted to another room, a nurse helped me onto a padded table. The nurse moved the pillow to the opposite end so I wasn't able to see the monitor screen and told me the technician would mute the sound.

When the technician came in, she darkened the room, and started to perform the procedure. First, a cold gel squeezed onto my abdomen and then a wand-like device placed against my skin. I reminded her I didn't want to hear any sounds and she nodded in understanding.

As I watched the wand move around, the technician's other hand clicked and tapped buttons. There was a muffled commotion out in the hallway.

"Oh Mia, the baby...she, he, is –"

"I don't want to know."

My annoyance with Serena was growing. _Why had I even brought her along?_

"Mia, how can you not want to at least see the baby inside of you before you decide you want to get rid of it," she lectured.

"Serena, just drop it and let it go. You're supposed to be here for me, not for your speeches." I was getting frustrated and angry. "I should've had Laney come."

"That's it."

Serena walked around to where the technician was standing and leaned forward.

"Serena, stop it. Please!" I shouted. "I don't want to hear. Serena!"

Then the sound filled the room.

Whoosh, whoosh whoosh, whoosh.

Tears immediately fell over my cheeks.

Oh God! It was true. It was real. I was pregnant. There was a little person, alive and thriving inside of me.

"Sir! You can't be in here," the technician yelled and I twisted my body around.

"Is that –?"

"Christopher?" I gasped. _He knew...fuck it all, he knew._ _Oh, shit!_

Scrambling, I tried to get off the table. He was next to me before I succeeded.

"You shouldn't be here," I growled.

"I shouldn't be here?" he asked incredulously. "What the hell is going on? Why does Jackson think you're getting an abortion today?"

He placed his hands on my shoulders, but I pulled away from him.

"Mia?"

"Jackson's wrong and you shouldn't be here."

Slipping off the table, I tried to walk around him.

"Um...miss? We aren't finished yet. I still need to finish with the –"

"Okay!" I snapped, glaring back at her in the darkness. "Christopher, you need to leave. I have to finish –"

"Fine. Finish then," he said and plopped down in a chair.

"You can't stay," I spat.

"Oh, why can't I? I'm well acquainted with your body, Mia. Nothing I haven't seen," he smirked.

He has got to be fucking kidding me? This asshole and his smirk was about to need a fucking dentist!

"Someone get him out of here please," I begged and leaned back against the table.

"Christopher, you should go so they can finish –"

"No chance in hell, Una, dear," he spat each word with inflection, his eyes never leaving me.

I sighed.

"Can we give them a few minutes?" Serena asked, looking to the nurse and the technician. They nodded and left the room.

Una and Serena followed their lead. Climbing back up on the table, I let my legs dangle off the side.

"So, are you ready to talk to me yet? 'Cause I'm not leaving you alone until you do."

Where did this side of him come from? He usually ran the moment I pissed him off or rejected him. Why couldn't he do it now?

"Christopher," I whimpered and rubbed my face with my hands. His hands circled my wrists, pulling them away from my face.

"Are you pregnant?"

The look on his face was something I couldn't read. Anger, fear, panic, excitement...I didn't know. I sat silently and swallowed hard.

"Damn it, I deserve to fucking know!"

He was definitely angry. Flinching a little at his tone, I still couldn't say that one word. It wouldn't come out. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. He caressed my face with his hands. _Dear lord, those hands could make my whole body light on fire._

"Mia, are you pregnant?"

I nodded the confirmation.

"And it's mine?" he whispered, almost inaudible.

I could only nod once more.

He sighed loudly. At the sound of his ragged sigh, my eyes flew open.

"See, this is why you didn't need to know."

Shoving his hands away, I wrapped my arms around me.

"W-what are you talking about?" he stuttered.

"Your sigh...I know you're angry, but it's not like I did this alone or on purpose. I'm on the pill for fuck's sake! Yet still...somehow, you seem to have super fucking sperm! I can't believe you fucking knocked me up, just oprene fucking time, really, Chris? God, I hate you!"

I put my head back in my hands. Sobs bubbled out of my chest. Again, he grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from my face.

"Why won't you just leave?" I cried quietly.

"I can't," he said in a hushed tone.

He wrapped my arms around his waist, pushed himself between my legs, and lifted my chin. He kissed me firmly, but lovingly. _This is ne_ w.

Pulling back, he looked at my face. I tried to look away but he wouldn't let me.

"I need to tell you something."

There was fear and anxiety all over his face and in his voice.

"Wh –?" He placed his finger over my mouth before I could get the word out.

"Mia... fuck!" he said, running his hand through his hair. "Why is this so hard to say?"

He half smiled and then pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I..." he paused. "I love you," his words whispered against my forehead.

"You love –?" I choked out the words.

"Yes," he said, not letting me finish.

"You don't love me, Christopher."

"Don't tell me how I fucking feel, Mia," he snapped, anger lacing his words once again.

"You barely know me...you can't –" I tried to protest.

"I'm in love with you," he insisted, kissing me again, and this time my hands found purchase in his hair. He moaned into my mouth and then pulled away.

"Sorry." He shrugged.

I looked at him, confused.

"You're stuck with me. I'm in love with you, and now you're having my baby." Then there was his grin...his cocky grin.

"Christopher, I don't know what I'm –"

"Mia, for some reason you think you need to get rid of everything that happened, but I can't let you get rid of my kid," he said, pulling me closer. "I can't let that happen."

He was begging me not to do it, pleading with me.

"Please don't."

"E-excuse me, miss, are you ready to continue? We have another appointment in a few minutes," the technician asked, stepping back into the room.

"Yeah," I mumbled, reaching to wipe a tear from my face. Christopher beat me to it, using his thumb to wipe it away.

"Don't cry. It kills me to see you cry," he whispered into my ear, helping me to lie back down on the table.

The technician continued, and the sound filled the room again. My chest tightened and a feeling of nausea filled my stomach.

"Is that the um –?"

"Yes," the technician confirmed, smiling at Christopher, "That's the heartbeat."

A smile spread on Christopher's face. I couldn't share the smile with him. No matter what he said, I still wasn't sure.

The technician turned the monitor in our direction. I turned away and watched Christopher's face instead. It slipped into a look of confusion.

"Here's your baby."

I still didn't look. Christopher's eyes widened.

"Looks like you are about eight weeks," she said and finished the scan, pulling the wand away from my stomach. Relief flooded through me. It was over.

"What does that mean?" Christopher asked.

"It means you have a long time to go yet," she chuckled. "But, trust me, it will go by quicker than you would expect. Here you go."

Christopher reached out and took a small square picture of the baby.

"Look," he urged, turning it toward me. And, there it was, right in front of my face. More tears started to form and fall down my face. "Don't cry, please. I'm so sorry, Mia. I'm sorry I did this, caused this. I'll make everything better. I know you hate me –"

"I don't hate you, you loser. I'm just mad."

I sat up and he helped me down from the examination table. He placed the tiny picture in my hands. I stared at it for a moment. The door opened and the nurse returned to take me back to the other room. Christopher stayed in the hallway while I changed back into my clothes.

"I told you, you should've talked to him about all of this," Serena lectured.

"It doesn't change anything," I grumbled.

"Wh-what do you mean?" she stuttered in confusion.

"It means, Serena, that it's my body and my choice," I said. She opened her mouth, but I didn't let her finish, "A choice I still need to make."

Opening the exam room door, Christopher was leaning against the wall with his head back and his eyes closed. He actually had a small smile playing on his lips.

Could I really do this? Can he handle this? He said he was in love with me. I care about him, but love, raising a child, being a family? I just wasn't sure.

How will he react if I don't say it back to him? Will it set him off, again? I knew about the horrors of his past, but I didn't know anything else about him, and he didn't know anything about me.

I still had a decision to make.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Two

Christopher

I didn't realize it would be so hard to say it aloud, but as soon as I did, all of the weight I'd been carrying lifted.

When she said she hated me, it was like a knife to the fucking heart. Even if she was emotional and confused, there was some small truth to it. I'd gotten her pregnant. She didn't want to be pregnant, especially not with my child.

Fuck! I'm going to be a father. Could I even be a fucking father? I don't know a fucking thing about parenting. Will I turn out like him? Will I hurt them?

No. I could never hurt her. It would kill me to hurt her.

Hell, seeing her cry was almost too much for me to handle. Mia is having my baby. An easy smile tugged at the corners of my lips. We are having a baby.

"You ready?"

My head snapped forward when Una asked Mia. She nodded.

"Okay, everything's taken care of, so we can get out of here." Then she turned to me. "Did you seriously come in through the front door?"

I nodded and grinned.

"Christopher, are you trying to draw attention?" she scolded.

"If I'd been fucking told before, then none of this would've happened, now would it?" I retort, raising my eyebrow.

She huffed.

"Come on. You need to sneak out of here with us."

She motioned for me to follow. I quickly caught up with Mia. She pulled away a little and her reaction confused me. When we got back to the hotel, I followed Mia back to her suite. She looked irritated, but I didn't care.

"I'm just going to lie down. I'm tired," she said, rolling her eyes and walking into her bedroom.

Following her, I shut the door behind me. She was kicking off her shoes when she heard the door close. Leaning against the door, I watched her.

"What?" she asked, catching me. Her voice saturated in irritation. I shrugged.

"No, what?"

She was annoyed, and I had to stifle my laugh.

"Nothing." I slipped my shoes and sweatshirt off before climbing onto her bed.

She disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes and then reappeared in sweatpants and a t-shirt. The moment she sat on the bed, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulling her to me.

"Christopher, you don't have to hover, or do this," she said, motioning to me holding her. "I'm pregnant, but I don't expect you to act differently." She turned around to face me. "You don't have to pretend to be –"

"Mia, I told you how I feel. I'm an asshole and I don't say or show how I feel very often, so how about you just fucking enjoy it?" She rolled back over without saying a word. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Do whatever you want," she mumbled.

Smiling at my small victory, I buried my face in her hair. She gave me permission and who the fuck am I to let that go?

She fell asleep not too long after and I lay there listening to her breaths. A while later, she shifted to her back. My hand now lay on her stomach and I couldn't help but slowly rub over her stomach.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up. Stretching, I could feel her entire body. Looking down, her head rested on my chest, her leg and arm draped over me. I wrapped my arms around her, and she started to stir. She woke up shortly after and rolled away from me. That wasn't going to work, so I rolled to my side and put my arm around her. She stretched and peeked through her lashes.

"Hey," she groaned.

"Feel better?"

She shrugged.

"I'm not really tired, if that counts as better." She sat up and I pulled her back down.

"Christopher," she laughingly protested. "I need to get up."

"You don't need to do fucking anything," I countered.

"Oh, really?"

"Really," I imitated her tone. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm starving, so I'm going to go –"she stopped talking when she realized I wasn't letting her go. She narrowed her eyes.

"What do you want to eat?"

"I can get my own food," she asserted, trying to sit up again.

"I don't want to leave the bed. So, what do you want to eat?" I asked with a grin.

"Since when did I fall under your dictatorship, mister?"

She poked my chest.

"Um...since you are carrying my child," I teased and she tensed. _Shit Christopher...too far._

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't worry about it," she whispered and tried to get up. She turned to me. "Is the bathroom off limits too?"

There it was again. She was annoyed. Shaking my head, I released her. While she was in the bathroom, I made the call for room service.

I still wasn't sure of all the emotions coursing through me, but when she was with me, it didn't matter.

Mia

Oh God, I'm pregnant... It isn't some jacked up nightmare. I'm fucking pregnant. Christopher Mason got me pregnant. Fuck...shit...fuck!

Pacing the bathroom, I was finally alone long enough for a proper freak out. I wasn't sure about being pregnant, let alone being someone's mother. I wasn't confident I could do it. _Could I even think about having a baby with someone I really just met? Plus, I was young and my career was just starting. How will it work for a child if both parents are constantly in the spotlight, working, and traveling? Is it unfair to bring a child into this life?_

_Oh, God. I'm pregnant._ I wanted to go back to my birthday and take it all back. Take back the way his hands worked my body. The way his tongue teased my nipples, and... _Oh Christ, get it together_.

After my mini meltdown, I hopped into the shower, hopeful I could rinse away the stress, if only momentarily. Things were going well until I ran my hand over my stomach. That's when the ultrasound picture flashed in my head. The shower camouflaged warm tears that began to run down my cheeks.

What am I going to do? What if I couldn't do it and decided I wanted the abortion? Would he freak out? Would it send him over the edge? Could I go through with a pregnancy just because he may have a meltdown if I didn't? No. It was my decision. He would just have to deal.

Once I dried off, I slipped my sweatpants and t-shirt back on. Entering the bedroom, I saw Christopher sitting with his head back against the headboard and eyes closed.

Was he rethinking everything? Was he serious about wanting this baby? Would he respect my decision if I didn't want it? Of course he wouldn't. He would probably show up as he did today, only this time he would throw a tantrum. My hands found themselves on my stomach again. Looking down, I released a large sigh and a single tear.

"What did I tell you about crying?"

Christopher was staring at me with that stupid fucking grin on his face. I quickly dropped my hands and walked toward the bed. I wanted to slap the cocky grin off his face. Leaning back onto the bed, I lay flat on my back with my hands behind my head. My shirt moved before Christopher's fingers brushed my stomach. I looked down. His eyes were fully concentrated on my now exposed abdomen, his hand spread out like a fan.

When he realized I was watching him curiously, he pulled back his hand and mumbled, "Sorry."

"What were you doing?" I asked, emotion overload putting my words just above a whisper.

"I don't know, I'm still kind of...I dunno in –"

"Shock?"

"I guess that, too. But, I'm more in awe than anything," he admitted with a shrug.

"Awe?"

"Yeah, I mean, you have a tiny fucking person inside you, Mia. Fuck, it's a tiny person that...well...I helped to make. It's weird, creepy, unbelievable, and just amazing all at the same time."

He got really quiet after that.

"You're that interested in all this?"

"I'm more than 'interested' in this," he said, placing his hand on my bare stomach. "I think I'm excited about it."

His head bent to my stomach, and he pressed his lips to my skin. A gasp escaped me, and he grinned up at me. I tried to push my shirt back down, but he wouldn't allow it.

"I would've never thought I could be like this, or feel like this."

He kissed my stomach again, and this time I had to swallow a moan, but he saw right through me. His kisses traveled further up my body and between my breasts when there was a knock on the door.

Thank God for the interruption.

Christopher pulled my shirt down and rolled over as the door opened.

"Did you order all this food?" Laney asked, looking at me flabbergasted. She stuck her thumb out over her shoulder, motioning behind her.

"What food?" I sat up.

"I didn't know what you wanted," Christopher said. "You wouldn't answer me."

"How much food is out there?" I asked, turning back to Laney. She was smiling largely.

"Oh, enough to feed the whole floor of the hotel," she giggled.

I twisted back to Christopher.

"What?" he shrugged. "I didn't know what you wanted, so I just told them to send up everything on the breakfast and dinner menu."

"You did what?" I yelped, slapping my hand to my forehead. I climbed out of bed, heading toward my door. Once I saw all the trays and carts, I groaned. "I can't believe you did this."

"Eat up," Kat laughed from the couch. "Chris Junior needs nourishment."

I glared.

After eating, I stayed in my room on my laptop while watching TV. Mentally exhausted from the constant spinning with pregnancy-related thoughts, my head was starting to hurt. The not knowing what was to come was the worst.

Christopher only left once to get a change of clothes. As much as I appreciated his support, it was nice having time to myself. I was suffocating under everyone's constant presence. I took Christopher's absence as the opportunity to do some pregnancy related research. Regardless of everyone's opinions, I needed to figure out what was best for me.

First search, pregnancy in the general sense –symptoms and changes, up to future things I could expect over the next few months. It didn't sound very appealing. Second, I looked at complications and concerns – another not-so-pleasant topic. Moving on to the third, much more taboo subject, abortion, I read over the facts, not the opinions. From what I read, it wasn't pretty, and there were still complications that could arise from the procedure. My brain felt full and I started to feel sick.

Sighing heavily, I threw myself back on the bed. Reaching for the remote on the side table, my hand met a piece of smooth paper. I knew what it was, but I reflexively brought it into my sight. There was the picture of the....I couldn't bring myself to say it. Not yet.

Too wrapped up in my own thoughts, I didn't notice Christopher return. Lying back with my arm over my face and the picture against my chest, I was trying to sift through all of the information. It wasn't until he spoke that I jerked upright.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What do you–?"

His long finger extended toward my bright laptop screen. I cringed when I saw what I'd left out in the open. I was so sick of everyone lecturing me and telling me what to do. Slamming the computer shut, I stood from the bed. Anger bubbled from the pit of my stomach.

"Well?" he growled.

"You know what? I don't have to fucking answer to you!"

His face dropped.

"The last time I checked, this is my body," I shouted, using one hand to motion across my body. "My decision to make."

Laney and Kat appeared in my doorway. The glare I gave made them retreat quickly. My glare turned back to Christopher, who stood looking half-crazed.

"I won't let you do it, Mia! You better get it through that fucking skull of yours, I will fight you on this. That is my fucking baby, too. I have a fucking say in whether you kill it!" he said, his eyes wild and his chest heaving.

"Fuck you, Christopher!" I cursed, crossing my arms over my chest. "And you know what...you can get the fuck out of my room, too!"

I started toward the door, but Christopher stopped me.

"Let go of me!" I cried, trying to push his arm from its hold around my waist.

Before I could blink twice, he lifted me with one arm and carried me back to the bed. Opening my mouth, I was going to give him the bitch out of a lifetime.

"Fuck, Mia! Just shut up and listen to me!" he snapped, leaning over me, causing me to scoot back and drop my weight to my elbows.

Angling his body over mine, his face was intense. Fear took hold, but it didn't last long. He pressed his lips to mine, firmly, while cupping the back of my neck to keep me from pulling away.

"Don't ever fear me," he whispered against my lips. "I would never hurt you...could never hurt you, baby. Never."

His lips pressed harder. Pulling back slightly from my lips, he pressed his forehead to mine.

"I can't," he said, kissing me, "I won't let it happen."

He kissed me again, pressing his body against mine until my back rested against the mattress.

"I want you," he said, kissing me more fervently. "I want our baby."

His tongue moved into my mouth and twisted around mine. Instinctively, my tongue searched out the steel ball. I found it and almost moaned.

"There is nothing in this world I want more than you, than this," he said, his tongue and lips moving over my jaw.

I came undone and slid my hands over his shoulders. Christopher slipped his arm under my lower back and pulled us higher on the bed. He rested comfortably on one elbow above my body while pressing his weight and arousal between my legs. Heat flooded my body.

"Say you won't," he whispered against my neck.

"Please, Mia," he pleaded, sucking, the viper bites digging deliciously into my skin.

"Christopher," I croaked. He wasn't playing fair.

"Mia, please, please, say you won't kill my, our, baby. Please?"

His forehead pressed against my shoulder as the words left his lips. Panting from his actions, I tried to clear the lusty fog from my head.

"Say it," he urged with a little more intensity, squeezing my hip.

"Say it, Mia, please? Promise me."

His hand slipped over my stomach, under my shirt. His thumb rubbing circles on my skin. The words slipped out of my lips without any control on my part.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Mia

"I can't promise you anything."

He stilled.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered. "I just, I need to think about all of this, absorb it, and –"

"And I'm supposed to just sit by while you decide the fate of my child?" he demanded, suddenly kneeling above me, his face swathed in fury.

"It's my body," I argued.

"It's my child," he snapped.

"Get off me," I growled, shoving him. He moved from over top of me. I stood from the bed.

"We aren't done talking about this," he snarled.

"Oh, yes, we are!"

"Mia," he warned.

"I've heard what you have to say about this. Now, it's time for me to decide what I want, not what everyone else wants me to do."

We were in a stare off. His piercing blues were trying to penetrate my dark brown. I have no idea how long we would've stayed that way, but a knock at the door concluded it.

"What?" he snapped at my door.

"The last time I checked, this was still my room, not yours," I pointed out with a scowl. I opened the door.

"Mia?" Laney asked, looking at me with a worried expression.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We were planning on going to –"

"Perfect, let me get changed."

With fake enthusiasm, I plastered a large smile on my face. Not really in the mood to leave, but I had to get away from Christopher.

"We need to talk," he disputed while I grabbed some clothes.

"We are done talking," I said, slamming the bathroom door to change my clothes.

"For now," he growled through the closed door.

When I opened the door, he was gone. Sighing in relief, I met the girls in the living room. They were all sitting and waiting for me.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Are you sure you want to go?" Kat ventured, looking me over.

"Yeah, why?"

"You look...well..."

Serena cut her off.

"You look like shit."

"Gee, thanks. I love you, too." I rolled my eyes. "I need to get out and not think about this right now."

"Okay then," Laney said, hopping up from the couch and linking arms with me. "Let's head to dinner then."

Laney arranged a private balcony box to watch a movie, and then we went to dinner. It was a nice evening, and I only had to think once about being pregnant. When the waiter arrived and asked for our drink order, my first reaction was to order something with a lot of liquor. Serena quickly reminded me I couldn't. After dinner, we returned to the hotel. Without a word to anyone, I walked into my bedroom and locked the door.

It took almost three full days before I spoke to Christopher again. He'd tried numerous times to call and see me, but I always kept him at bay. I needed the time to really think everything through without persuasion.

Thankfully, we had a tight schedule that kept us busy. We got some rehearsal time in a local studio, interviews – both morning and afternoon radio shows, and we also got to do a _Meet the Artists_ type of promotion. Sitting at a table, we were able to autograph CDs, shirts, pictures, and stand for photos with fans. Even with The Forgotten being at a table near ours, I was still able to keep myself distanced from Christopher during the day. At night, alone, I had time to think.

My career was just beginning and there was no time for a baby. I had no clue how to be someone's mother. Hell, I was still immature and irresponsible. But, no matter how rational my arguments were against having the baby, it came down to one simple question. _Could I abort this baby and live the rest of my life without feeling guilty...could I live with myself?_ The answer had been as clear as the day I found out I was pregnant.

With the morning came the typical morning sickness. It had really started to take effect, and I wanted to call this whole pregnancy off. It was completely barbaric that there was a pill to give a guy a hard on, but not one to stop me from heaving my guts out in the morning, or afternoon, or whenever the fuck my body wanted. One positive was that sleep comes easier for me, and no matter how much I slept, it was never enough. It was about eight in the evening when he showed up in my room. I was half-asleep when I heard the door shut loudly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to shut the door so hard." His brow was furrowed and the bags under his eyes were dark purple. "Mia –"

"Chris, please don't start yelling at me or ordering me around tonight. I'm –"

"I promise, I won't yell. I won't even speak if you don't want me to. Just let me hold you, please?"

My fuzzy vision cleared to the sadness in his face.

"Christopher –"

"Just let me."

It was no longer a request.

The bed shifted as he crawled toward me and curled his body around mine. He pulled my face to his chest, hugging me tightly. His hand found my stomach and rested there. My body relaxed into his, and I knew I needed to tell him.

"I've decided –"

"Not tonight."

"Will you let me finish?" I pushed away from his chest. "I promise, I will not get rid of our baby."

A large breath of relief left him. Then his lips collided with mine. He began moving over my jaw and down my neck. The smile on his lips and the viper bites pressed into my skin. The hand on my stomach was now gripping my hip. His lips returned to mine and our tongues sparred.

My hands found his hair, gripping tightly as he moved his hand to my breast and lightly squeezed. He tweaked my nipple. The shot of desire that fled to my clit caused me to writhe. I moaned into his mouth. His actions became more urgent. He pushed my shirt up and slid the cups of my bra down, exposing my nipples. He placed slow kisses along my collarbone and dipped his tongue in the valley of my breasts.

Moving his lips over the mound of my breast, I couldn't control the feral moan escaping me when the metal tongue ball rolled over my nipple. He flicked the ball against my nipple causing me to moan even louder before taking the hard peak into his mouth. Releasing my over sensitized nipple, he spoke into the room.

"You like that, don't you?" he asked, sliding the ball over me again.

His hard cock pressed between my thighs, grinding against my clit. I gasped loudly, wanting to feel him deep inside of me. Abruptly, he stopped all ministrations. I groaned in annoyance.

"Did I hurt you?" he demanded, worry all over his face.

I smiled and tugged his hair teasingly.

"No," I replied, smirking and pulling away, figuring the moment was lost. Christopher pinned me.

"Where do you think you are going?" he growled, sucking my breast between his lips once again. I shivered in pleasure.

Now that he knew the power his tongue ring held over me, he started working it to his advantage. My hands fisted his damp, black locks while pressing my hips forward for friction. Before I knew it, my shirt was off and my sweatpants were at the bottom of the bed. He pulled his shirt off and lay back down over my body. Hooking my feet into the top of the pajama bottoms, I pushed them down. Feeling my thigh slide against his bare cock, my wetness grew. He was so big, so beautiful, so fucking glorious, my stomach muscles tensed with the anticipation of feeling him inside of me.

Nothing was between us. My bare skin felt like it was smoldering against his. Every touch, every movement made my skin flame with desire. Wiggling my hips beneath us, a surge of craving ran through my body. His hardness grazed my wet heat and rocked against my folds. Attacking my mouth ferociously, he positioned himself and slammed into me, all control lost. I ground my hips into his, taking his deeper.

"Oh yes, yes, yes," I moaned.

"Fuck," he grunted. "Ungh".

Our breathing labored, we pulled away from each other's lips. My mouth found his pebbled nipples, and my hands held onto his shoulder as his thrusting increased. The smoldering collected in my stomach and started to build a larger flame. Christopher shifted his position.

"Mia," he moaned into my shoulder.

Pulling his head back, he took my face in his hands and stared into my eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered, "for having my baby."

Sitting upright, he wrapped hands around the backs of my knees and pushed my legs up toward my chest. He thrust in deeper than before, hitting the perfect spot. I bit down on his arm to muffle my scream. The salty taste of his skin caressed my taste buds. He didn't even flinch. He released my legs and leaned forward, resting his forehead on my shoulder. Raising my hips to meet his thrusts, he came undone inside me. Slowly riding out his orgasm, his breathing remained heavy against my chest.

When his arms could no longer support him, he rolled off me and pulled my back against his chest. He moved away for a minute, but came right back, covering our bodies with a blanket.

"Mia?"

"Hmm?"

I didn't know if I wanted him to say anything at this moment. We didn't really do the talking thing. We just slept, and now apparently had sex and a baby. Mentally, I groaned. What a great start for this relationship.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair.

"For?"

"I mean you obviously don't want to be pregnant, and I'm sorry that I, well, that I –"

"Knocked me up," I laughed.

He didn't.

"It's okay, Christopher. I'm sorry this happened to you, too."

He rolled me over quickly and looked directly into my face. It stunned me for a moment.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Don't apologize to me for this. You have nothing to apologize for, ever," he assured, cupping my cheek and kissing my forehead before letting me roll back to my side.

"Um, Christopher?"

"Yeah," he settled back into position behind me.

"What is your favorite color?"

He chuckled.

"What's my favorite color?" he continued to laugh.

"Shut up. I don't know anything about you –"

"You know more about me than anyone else," he laughed again.

"You know what I mean, jerk," I said, nudging him. "So, besides being an arrogant, groupie-fucking, asshole with super sperm, who crashes in my bed, what else can you tell me?"

He was silent for a moment.

"Is that what you really think?"

I sighed.

"Yes. No. A little, but you have to admit we don't know much about each other."

"Like?" he pressed.

"Okay...here's an example: What's my middle name?"

He was silent.

"What is my favorite color?"

Silence.

"Exactly," I whispered. "Don't you think –?"

"Red," he answered.

"Green," I said with a smile.

"What's your middle name?" he asked.

"Marie," I groaned.

"Mia Marie?" he asked, trying to hide his laughter, but his shaking chest gave him away.

"It's Amelia Marie."

"You don't like it?" he asked.

"It's alright, I guess. Serena got the better name."

"I disagree," he said. "Hey, I have a question."

"Which is?"

His finger ran from the top of my spine to the crack of my ass. "What's this?"

"Music notes," I drawled, sarcasm lacing my words.

He tickled my side.

"Stop," I screamed.

"I mean what song is it, smart ass. I know they're notes, but I'm not familiar with this song." His finger ran down my tattoo again.

"My mother used to sing us the song "Baby Mine" when we were younger." For a brief moment, I closed my eyes and remembered the last time I heard her sing it. "God, her voice was amazing."

"Like yours," he said, squeezing me.

"Better. She was fantastic." I sighed. "Anyhow, I decided I wanted a tribute to my mother, so I got ahold of the sheet music and had my favorite part tattooed on me."

"These are the musical notes to the song?"

I nodded.

"I don't think I know this song."

Turning onto my back, I looked at his face. He was trying to think hard.

"You've never seen _Dumbo_?"

He shook his head.

"If I did, I don't remember it or this song. Wanna sing it for me?" he asked with a grin.

"No," I chuckled and turned back onto my side.

"Come on," he cajoled, kissing my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and sang the verse on my back. As I sang, his hand ran up and down my tattoo.

"It's pretty."

Content, I nodded.

"Are you going to sing it to our baby?" he asked, his hand flattened on my stomach.

"Maybe," I said quietly.

We spent the next hour lying there, asking questions about each other and our family. Christopher was a little concerned about John being a police chief, trained and licensed to shoot a gun.

"Of course, I would get the fucking cop's daughter pregnant," he groaned.

Laughing at his whining, we actually continued to talk to each other. Sometime after the question and answer session, we fell asleep.

Christopher

Relief and excitement fought for domination when she told me she was going to have the baby. However, nervousness won when I found out that a police chief's daughter was pregnant with my child. I cannot wait until that fucking meeting.

" _Hello, sir, I'm the guy that fucked your daughter without a rubber when we were both slightly intoxicated. Oh, and by the way, I knocked her up on the first try. Boom. Dead. RIP Christopher Mason._ "

The morning came quickly, a little too quickly for Mia. I jerked from a very sound sleep when she staggered from the bed to the bathroom. Getting up, I pulled on my sweatpants. Halfway to the bathroom, I could hear her heaving and rushed to her side.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, kneeling next to her.

She nodded and then heaved into the toilet again. Grabbing the robe from the door, I threw it around her.

"Get out," she groaned, leaning her head against the wall.

I furrowed my brow. "What can I get you?"

She weakly shoved me away.

"Get out," she groaned.

When I didn't move, she huffed.

"You don't need to see –" she heaved again. Her hair fell around her like a curtain. I pulled it away and held it back.

As she started to stand up, I caught her around the waist and helped her walk back to the bed. She curled into a ball. Breathing in and out through her nose in a heavy rhythm.

I stepped out of the room to find Serena sitting with Ryan on the couch watching cartoons. Their heads turned to me.

"Cwis," Ryan smiled.

"Hey, little man," I answered quickly, moving toward the refrigerator for bottled water. On the way back to the bedroom, I turned.

"Serena? What can I get for her?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up, her brow wrinkled.

"She's sick," I explained, rubbing the back of my neck.

She smiled.

"Ahhh...morning sickness."

I looked at her impatiently.

"It comes with being pregnant. She was feeling this way at night last month. I'll order some food for her."

"Okay, thanks."

I went back into Mia's room and she wasn't in bed. Rushing to the bathroom, I barged in.

She screeched.

"Shit! Christopher!"

I turned around quickly.

"Sorry. I thought you were getting sick again."

She started laughing.

"What?"

"Did you seriously just turn around because I'm in the shower?" she asked, laughing louder.

"Yeah, I guess I did," I said, laughing, too.

"Uh-huh, so what happened to Mister ' _It's nothing I haven't seen before_ '?"

Turning back around, I was about to tease back, but the outline of her body against the steamed up glass was too much for my inner pervert. I couldn't speak, and before my brain could catch up with my body, I was standing with my hand on the shower door, sliding it open.

Without removing my clothes, I stepped inside. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her to me. As I pressed my lips to hers, I could smell her scent intensified by the steam. Her skin, wet, was so amazing. My hands slid over her curves.

"Uh, your clothes are getting soaked," Mia said, a look of amusement on her face.

My sweatpants started to stick uncomfortably to my skin. That's when my brain finally caught up. Leaning back, I looked at her. We both started laughing at my drenched clothing.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"You say that a lot," she quipped and then turned back around to finish.

I stood captivated by her smell and the sight. My pants tightened from arousal as visions of pressing her against the cool tile and fucking her senseless entered my head. However, just as I had the thought, she squeezed past me and got out of the shower.

She left the water on. I stripped out of my soaked clothes and showered. When I realized my problem wasn't going anywhere, I switched the water to cold before I climbed out to dry off.

Many hours later, I sat backstage at our final concert. Waiting for the girls to finish their set, I realized how much I hated being away from her. I got up to head to the side stage.

"Where you going?" Jack questioned.

"Going to watch them finish," I said with a shrug.

Halfway down the hall, Jackson appeared.

"So, what are you going to do, man?"

"About what?"

"Well let's see...about Mia, the baby...don't fucking play stupid," he retorted, rolling his eyes.

"She's going to have the baby," I answered.

"I know that, asshole. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Jackson. It's not like I've had a lot of fucking time to think everything over." Sighing, I stopped walking. "I still have to find out what her plans are, if she's going to stay in Seattle or go back to Whidbey Island, all that shit. I just don't know yet."

He patted my back.

"I'm sure you'll work it out, though you guys are going to be swarmed by the paps now."

He raised his eyebrow. I let that sink in. I hadn't even thought about the way they are going to attack her. We started walking again. We got to the side stage, and there they were. The same carefree, upbeat performance, but Mia wasn't her normal self. Something was off. I couldn't figure out if she wasn't feeling good again or if she was just worried. They started their last song and we rushed off to get ready.

After the show wrapped up and we got back to the hotel, I packed up some clothes and went to the girls' room. Laney smiled when she let me in. I headed to Mia's room.

"I think she's already asleep," Laney said, walking by me toward her room.

Opening the door, she lay curled up against a bunch of pillows. I climbed onto the bed and hovered over her sleeping body for a few moments just staring. Pulling myself out of the trance, I slid the pillows away from her and replaced them with my body.

"Christopher."

I froze, thinking I woke her, but her breathing stayed even and she curled up to my chest. I settled in. "Christopher," she said again. I brushed stray hairs away from her face.

She sighed, "I love you."

I stopped breathing, my heart feeling like it was constricting in the best fucking way.

Did she just say...she was sleeping, Christopher. Don't take it as much more than a dream.

Smiling wider than I had in forever, not caring if she meant it, I fell asleep. She said it, and that was all I needed right now.

Mia

During our whole performance, I couldn't get my mind to settle. It was distracting. I knew I cared about Christopher, that was obvious, but he's in love with me. _Did I love him?_

A part of me screamed yes, while the more logical side was beating the hell out of the yes side. It was the worst time to have an internal struggle, but I couldn't shake the thoughts running through my head.

We couldn't have gotten back to the hotel fast enough. Taking a hot shower, I threw my exhausted ass into bed. Even though I'm exhausted it was so hard to sleep with...well, without him. Bunching up my pillows, I draped myself over them to get comfortable. I don't remember anything after that.

I woke up to another intense knot in my stomach and bolted for the bathroom. This was getting really freaking old. When does the amazing glow and radiating beauty that is so often spoke of start? Right now, I'm glowing green and look a hot mess. I swung the door shut behind me on the way to kneel before the porcelain god. Christopher stopped it and was right next to me in matter of seconds.

I groaned. _Morning sickness sucked._

"What can I do?" he asked with concern.

"Get out," I heaved.

"Not likely," he responded.

I waited until I knew I wasn't going to throw up again.

"It's gross. Get out of here," I gasped, shoving him. He didn't budge. After my stomach settled, I stood up, and Christopher held my sides. Pushing him out of the bathroom, I closed the door behind him, and hopped in the shower.

Once I dried off and wrapped up in a robe, I walked out to my room.

Christopher sat on the bed with the TV remote in his hand and a food cart next to him. I raised an eyebrow to him.

"I ordered some breakfast," he said, smiling unsurely. "I'm hoping none of it makes you sick." He went to lift the lids.

"Wait!" I protested.

He stopped and looked at me.

"Tell me what it is before you unleash the smell."

"Ummm...scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, and orange juice?"

I bit my lip thinking it over.

"Okay."

He lifted the lid, and the smell of the food filled the room. I thanked my lucky stars when the only feeling in my stomach was famine. My mouth started to water and my stomach growled.

Christopher patted the bed and I smiled. Sitting down, he handed me a plate. We ate side by side on the bed and watched TV. It was a comfortable silence.

"So," he broke the silence. I turned my head to him, taking a bite of toast. "What's the plan?"

He kept his eyes on his plate in front of him. His nerves were noticeable.

"The plan?" I spoke around a mouthful of toast.

"Yeah, you know. I mean...the tour is over and well," he said, motioning to my stomach. "Are you going back to Whidbey Island?"

"Well, that's where I live," I answered quietly. Now I was catching on to what he wanted to discuss.

"Yeah," he breathed.

"Listen, I'll keep you in the loop on things. I mean, I won't keep you out of anything. Of course, depending on what you want to be included in."

I let my voice drift off, feeling as if I was rambling.

He didn't speak for a few minutes.

"I don't like being away from you," he confessed, his eyes still on his plate. This time it looked like he was pained.

"Oh," was my brilliant response. "I...uh...hmph...I don't know what to say." I took a deep breath. "Christopher, my family is in Whidbey Island, and we're leaving tomorrow. I don't expect you to –"

"What if I want to?" he asked, his eyes finding mine and staring intently into them. "I mean, would you care?"

"You can't seriously want –"

"I do."

He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. "Although," I waited for him to finish. He looked nervous again. "There could be complications."

"Complications?"

"Mia, are you prepared for the photographers, the reporters, paparazzi?" he asked and gave me a concerned look. "Your band, alone, is going to draw a lot more attention. Now, with me or the rest of our band near yours, it's going to get insane."

He paused.

"And, of course, once they discover you're pregnant...with my child...they are going to have a fucking field day."

I furrowed my brow.

"Why would they find that out?"

"You don't think they will?" he asked, raising a disbelieving eyebrow at me.

"I hadn't thought about it," I sighed. "I guess I'll have to talk to everyone."

He nodded.

I lay back onto the bed and started thinking everything over. The sound of plates clinking drew my attention. Christopher cleaned things up before he curled up next to me, his head on my chest. I placed my hand on his head, and he lightly hummed.

"I really like when you do that," he said, nestling closer to me.

"This?" I asked, rubbing his head. He nodded and hummed again. I laughed silently.

After laying together for about twenty minutes or so, his cell phone rang. He groaned and rolled over to answer.

"Yeah?" "Alright" "Yeah," "I'm coming!"

He hung up and sighed.

"Nicholas wants us all in our room."

I nodded.

"I'll be back though, okay?" He turned looking for approval.

"Okay," I said and sat up. He leaned over and kissed me before grabbing his shirt and heading out the door.

A very strange butterfly sensation plagued my stomach and I thought maybe I was going to get sick again, but I wasn't nauseous. Trying to sort out the feeling, I realized what it was. I was definitely falling for Christopher...maybe I had already fallen?

Una worked out some security details for our house and families. She'd gotten a gate and security system installed at our house in Whidbey, as well as set John and Linda up with a security system, just in case. The next measure was hiring security guards for us. Along with Bishop and Phillip, we would also have Joe, Marc, and Ben protecting our home. They were three large muscled New Yorkers who were a little rough and scary to look at, but friendly after you talked with them.

Everything was in place when we got home. We invited Andrea to stay with us, since she didn't have her own place nearby. We moved her into the guest room.

Jackson, Elliott, Jimmy, and Christopher all went to their home in Seattle. Two days later, Elliott and Christopher arrived. Elliott took his stuff directly to Serena's room, making himself comfortable. Christopher was hesitant about where to go, which I found amusing.

"You remember where my room is, right?" I asked, making his eyes sparkle even more beautifully than they already did. He nodded. "Well get lugging."

I motioned him up the stairs. I headed to the kitchen, my second favorite room in the house. Having picked up an even bigger appetite than I already had, I was sure I could definitely out eat Elliott. It was borderline disgusting, and Laney wasn't afraid to tell me so. She often referred to me as the garbage disposal. Hence, my baby's nickname Oscar – since, according to Laney, it lived in a garbage can.

Serena, Elliott, and Ryan were becoming a cute little family. Elliott and Ryan were so close now I think it would kill either one of them if they couldn't be together. Ryan was always following Elliott around, asking him questions or generally seeking out his attention. I gave Elliott major credit. He handled Ry like a pro.

Laney was going to Seattle to be with Jackson for a few weeks, before they came back here for the holidays. Kat was an enigma, more so than usual. She didn't immediately come back home with us, saying she was going to hang in Seattle for a while, but would be home in about a week. It was odd, but that was Kat. She was a free spirit who simply lived her life and typically kept to herself.

My second doctor's appointment arrived, and we were given the due date mid-June. I would also be having another ultrasound at my next appointment. I hadn't gained any weight yet, which was not a shocker since I was still getting sick in the mornings, but they still wanted to keep an eye on it. Christopher was practically taking mental notes of everything the doctors and nurses said.

Christopher was adamant on being involved in my appointments and everything he could. Between his schedule and mine, we often ended up separated. I also realized just how much I hated when he wasn't with me. When he was around, he was annoying me about eating, sleeping, and vitamins.

In fact, during Thanksgiving he insisted on supervising my plate.

"Are you insane?"

"What? You need to eat a lot," he defended his double loading of my plate.

"Christopher, I don't need to eat a mountain of food. I've started to put on weight. Quit worrying about it."

I took the plate and started to pick at the turkey.

"Two pounds doesn't—"

"Nine," I corrected with a smirk.

"What?"

"I've gained nine pounds now."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, pouting for a moment before standing me up to look me over. His hand rubbed over my abdomen.

"I haven't gained enough for that," I said, swatting at his hands. I sat back down to my plate. "Besides, girls don't typically brag about gaining weight."

After Thanksgiving, we had to say goodbye again. He had set appearances on radio shows and late-night television shows, as well as studio time to finish recording their new album. Hushed Mentality had to fly out to New York to appear on a couple of morning and radio shows. We performed and discussed our recent success and popularity.

As per usual, questions surrounding the tour with The Forgotten always came up at some point. They continued to question the rumor floating around about animosity between the bands and the ever-loving animosity between Chris and I. If they could only get their pariah teeth into the real story, they would cream their pants.

We gave honest answers, but when it came too close to being personal, we would offer the standard generic responses. These responses were not going to work once my pregnancy was exposed. Regardless of any denial I could attempt.

Once we completed the shows, we flew back to Washington. There were a couple more interviews, but, thankfully, we were able to do most of those over the phone.

Now that Christmas was just around the corner, shopping with Kat and Laney was something that I stupidly agreed to. However, when we got to shop for toys, I had a field day. Laney disappeared for a while, but found me again with a cartful of stuff. Satisfied with our purchases, I declared we were done for the day and demanded food.

Once we arrived home, I was too excited not to share everything I had bought with Serena. She wanted to strangle me for all the stuff I bought for Ryan. Elliott looked as if he couldn't wait to get them out and play with them. He pouted as we hid everything in the basement storage room, declaring that he needed to test everything out for safety purposes.

We were all lounging in the living room, watching _A Muppet Christmas Carol_ with Ryan, when the doorbell rang. Serena got up to answer the door and the loud _ho, ho, ho_ got all of our attention. Turning around, Laney shrieked and ran, jumping into Jackson's arms.

He was wearing a red Santa hat. Christopher followed behind Jackson. He sat down and wrapped his arms around me, planting a kiss on my head.

Once he settled in, we filled each other in on our appearances and interviews. He'd gotten some of the same questions I got. I teased him about the host on one of the shows flirting with him.

Ryan fell asleep before the end of the movie. Elliott and Serena took him to bed and then went to her room. Jackson pulled Laney to the stairs a few minutes later. Kat had gone up hours before claiming to have a headache.

After cleaning up the popcorn and folding all the blankets in the living room, Christopher and I headed up to bed. Passing Kat's room, I couldn't help but overhear her conversation.

"No" "We talked about this when I was," "It's not possible" "I'm sorry" "No" "Don't" "It would create so many issues" "You know I'm right" "No" "Please don't, it's already hard as it is."

I felt horrible for eavesdropping, so I pulled myself away and went to my room. Christopher was already in bed leaned back on the headboard. He raised an eyebrow when I walked closer with concern on my face.

"Is everything okay?"

I nodded.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded again.

He groaned and pulled me closer to him.

"Please talk to me," he begged, pressing his lips to my temple.

"It's nothing."

He nudged me lightly.

"I just overheard Kat on her phone, and well, I just hope she's okay. She sounded sad and distressed."

"Why don't you talk to her about it?"

"That's not how Kat works," I said, shaking my head and slouching down into my pillows. Christopher curled up next to me and we drifted off to sleep.

"Please, Kat don't do this. Please!"

I stretched and sat up. _What the...?_

"What the hell is that?" Christopher groaned and sat up.

"The voice sounds familiar, but –"

"Will you be quiet? You're going to wake everyone up! Now stop and get out of here...hurry!"

Kat was trying not to shout, but was still loud.

"I can't, not till you agree." There was a pause. Christopher and I went to the hallway only to meet everyone else in the house. "I'm not leaving until you do! I know you love me! I know it!"

We looked around, shrugged, and headed downstairs. When we reached the bottom, I think we gasped in unison.

Kat was standing just inside the front with a man on his knees. His hands firmly holding onto her hips as he looked up to her with pleading eyes.

It was Richard.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Four

Mia

"Oh, Christ," Kat groaned loudly.

"Get the hell up," she yelled down at Richard, who was still kneeling before her.

We stood with mouths gaped open as Richard cleared his throat and stood up.

"What the fuck is this?" Leave it to Elliott.

"It's nothing," Kat grumbled and grabbed Richard's hand pulling him out the door. "He was just leaving."

"No, I'm not," he argued.

"Yes, you are," she seethed through clenched teeth.

"You know what you mean to me. Why can't –?"

"It was just a thing. Why is that so hard for you to understand?" Kat asked, looking thoroughly annoyed. Then she turned on us.

"Do you think we could get a fucking moment?" she shouted. We quickly dispersed.

While my bed sounded like the best idea, my bladder had another, so I went to my bathroom. I couldn't believe Kat had something going on with Richard. "That hussy," I said under my breath, chuckling. It was so nice to think about somebody else's drama instead of my own. Once I stepped out, I found Christopher sitting on my bed staring into nothing.

"Hey...what's wrong?"

I was on the other side of my room pulling clothes out of my dresser.

"Nothing," he lied.

I tossed some clothes onto the bed and walked around standing in front of him with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"I was just thinking."

"About?" I coaxed.

"Should we...get married?" he whispered the last two words without looking at me.

My eyes widened. I blurted out my first thought.

"Fuck no!"

His eyes, filled with hurt, snapped to my face quickly. All too quickly the hurt morphed into anger. I leaned toward him to wrap my arms around him, but he caught my arms and pushed me away.

"Chris, wait, I didn't–"

Before I could complete my sentence, he stood and walked out of my room.

I froze in place with my mouth slightly open as the shock of what just happened crawled over my body. Lying down, I felt tears start to slide over my cheeks.

"Damn hormones," I mumbled into my damp pillow.

Eventually, my grumbling stomach demanded I get up, so I got dressed. Deciding on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, my plan was to get out of this house. I didn't want to be inside, and I didn't want to see Christopher right now either. I couldn't handle his dramatic ass right now, I had enough going on.

_Stupid temper tantrums! God, what is he? Twelve?_ Hot tears burned the corners of my eyes again.

Slipping on my shoes, I grabbed my coat and headed downstairs. On my way out the door, my eyes locked on our car. I said a silent prayer that the keys were inside. The sound of the house door opened behind me. I picked up my pace to the car. Closing the car door, I heard him yell for me. I pretended not to hear him and drove off, catching a glimpse of his approach in the rearview mirror as I pulled away.

When the small diner in town came into view, I went in to get breakfast. My stomach was churning, and if I didn't eat soon, I would definitely be kneeling in front of the toilet. I ordered the largest breakfast they had to offer. Lucky for me, they weren't too busy, and my food came quickly - eggs, toast, bacon, pancakes, and orange juice. Greedily, I ate everything and fought the urge to lick my plate clean.

Climbing back into the car, I couldn't bring myself to go home. I started driving around town reminiscing. Passing the police station, I noticed John's cruiser. I pulled an illegal U-turn and went back.

The station looked the same. Nothing seemed to change. The mahogany desk near the entrance sat as empty as it usually had. Gina, the receptionist, only worked part time and wouldn't be in until later.

"Hey, Dad," I called out.

His head popped up from the familiar office in the back.

"Hey, baby," he said, approaching and wrapping me up in a large bear hug.

"Careful. I just ate the super-sized breakfast at the diner," I said with a laugh, rubbing my belly. Then I caught myself and froze. He didn't know. Panic coursed through my veins.

"Mia? Mia, are you alright?" he demanded, leading us to a nearby chair and sitting me down. I snapped out of it.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry about that," I apologized, trying to smile.

He furrowed his brow at me.

"What's going on?" he asked with his arms crossed.

Shit! How could I forget that he was a fucking cop? Trained to interrogate, he knew when someone was lying. I'd grown up with it all my life, and no matter what Serena or I tried, he usually called us on it. _Smooth move deciding to come here._

"Nothing, honest."

Crap! First mistake...I said honest...that's the dead giveaway.

"Honest, huh?" he asked, sitting next to me with a sigh. "What's going on?"

He'd taken on the fatherly tone.

"Um...I think we should talk about it later. You know, after you're home and don't have your gun," I said sheepishly and batted my eyes.

"Something's got you out running around, eating by yourself, and visiting me. So I think we should talk now," he said, sitting up straighter.

"I'm telling you, later is better," I mumbled.

"Mia?"

"Fine," I grunted and slouched back. "I'm pregnant."

"You – You're what?"

He looked like he was the one with morning sickness. I snorted at the thought.

"Mia? Who? When? How?"

Uh oh, maybe he was having a stroke.

"Well, I'm pretty sure we're both up to date with the how," I said, giving him a cocky smile.

"Don't get smart, little lady," he admonished, the sternness in his voice quickly melting my smile and humor.

"You'll meet him tonight, and it was just recent." Shame started to swallow me up.

"Why weren't you at least...you know, safe?" His disappointment was loud and clear.

"I thought I was."

"How do you think...?" he started to snap back.

"I think because I've been on birth control pills since Serena came home knocked up," I shouted back and then started crying. He sighed and pulled me into a hug.

"Is he going to help you?"

I nodded, rubbing my tears into his work shirt.

"I think so, he says he is...he's the one that begged me not to..."

"Not to what?" My dad pulled me back and looked into my face.

"To get rid of the baby," my words were barely a whisper.

"Oh," was his response. I could see the discomfort all over his face. He'd opened the can of worms and he was now regretting it.

"Is that what you wanted?" he asked, looking at me skeptically. "You have to do what is right for you."

The tears welled up again.

"I don't know what I want for sure," I sobbed. "I'm so confused."

I began to sniffle. My dad reached for a box of tissues on a nearby desk.

"I keep trying to think about it all, but it just gets worse in my head," I choked out and took a tissue from him.

"I know, baby, I know," he said, rubbing my back and trying to calm me. He took a deep breath. "Maybe you should stop thinking about it and just let the answer come to you, you know?"

Swallowing my next sob, I looked at my dad in surprise. It was probably the most profound statement he'd ever verbalized to me.

"I love you, Dad." He returned the hug I unleashed on him.

"So, when is the little guy, or girl, coming?" he asked with forced enthusiasm.

"Mid-June," I sighed.

He patted my back and stood up. We said good-bye and I left knowing my dad had had his fill of emotional outbursts and talks. It wasn't within his comfort zone.

Driving a little longer, I came across the sign for Sunlight Beach. Still not wanting to return to the reality waiting for me at the house, I drove down to the empty parking lot, got out of the car, and walked down the wet, cold beach. Typically, I hated the beach when it was cold, but I needed the walk. The sound of the waves was soothing.

Spotting a large washed up tree trunk, I pulled my coat further over my butt and sat down beside it. Leaning back, I looked out over the water. The sound of the waves crashing and the rocks rubbing together lulled me into an almost meditative state. All I could hear was the water and the splashes. It was a welcome change from all the craziness that had been going on for the last week. I got lost in my own thoughts.

A mother. I was going to be someone's mother. Never in a million years had I expected something like this to happen. I had never considered having kids, never felt like it was something I wanted. I love kids, especially Ry, but being responsible for one at all times? I'm totally going to fuck this kid up. And, what about Christopher? He is dealing with his own demons, would he be able to handle a kid? Would I be able to handle him? With his mood swings and tantrums, I feel like I'll be taking on two kids. Was he serious about getting married and doing the whole family thing?

"Mia?

I hoped I was imagining it.

"MIA?"

My eyes snapped open when hands picked me up.

"What the hell?" I shouted. When my eyes focused on Christopher, I relaxed. "Shit! What are you doing?"

"I-I found your car but couldn't find you. Then when I saw you...you didn't answer me," he said, his hands on each side of my face. He was staring intently at me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. He pulled me into his chest. "I'm sorry about this morning, I just...it...it hurt ..."

I pushed away.

"I came here to be alone for a while. I needed some personal space," I mumbled, heading toward my truck.

"Mia, wait," he pleaded. I stopped and exhaled noisily.

"What?"

Keeping my back to him, I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry."

His arms wrapped around me. One around my waist, the other around my shoulders, he pressed my back against him.

"I realize things are hard for you, Chris, but you don't just get to be an asshole and me be okay about it. Your temper is too much sometimes." I took a deep breath.

"I know," he said calmly, too calmly. I turned around to look at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," I mumbled and headed toward my truck again.

I was trying to avoid arguing or being bitchy, but it was getting more and more difficult to control my emotions. Personal space seemed to work best. It didn't work for Christopher, who was at my side quickly with his hands in his pockets and his head down.

"You're still mad at me?" he asked quietly.

"Yep," I said shortly.

"What can I –?"

"There is nothing you can do, Chris. You've done enough. Just because you completely caught me off guard by your ridiculous proposal of marriage, you decide to storm off like a five year old, and I'm still pissed about it. Leave it alone and I'll just get over it by myself." Pausing, I saw the same hurt and angry expression on his face.

"Go ahead, run away," I spat, reaching for the handle of my truck door.

As I pulled it open, he pushed it shut and leaned against it so I couldn't open the door again.

"Damn it, Christopher..." his lips cut me off. He kissed me firmly and then pulled back.

"I love you and I'm sorry," he declared, looking deeply into my eyes. "I'm not the only one who runs away."

He walked to his rental car. Growling under my breath, I threw myself into the car. I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted.

"Stupid guy...stupid, hot guy...jerk...asshole with super sperm...pathetic cry baby...jerk..."

After my pouting, I started the car and drove home with Christopher closely following me. Marc waved at me when I passed the security gate.

Richard's car was gone. Before I could open my door, Christopher had it open. I pointed at him and narrowed my eyes.

"Stop being nice to me!"

He smirked.

"Stop it. I want to be mad at you right now!" I yelled, stomping away, but could hear him chuckling from behind me. "And quit smirking. I hate that damn smirk!"

Entering the house, I saw Jackson, Elliott, and Ryan in front of the television together playing Mario Kart. All three of them tilting with the turns and leaning forward when they would speed up.

"Where is everyone?" I asked and stepped toward the three 'kids' on the floor.

"Upstairs with Kat," Elliott chuckled.

I turned around, and Christopher was right behind me. I narrowed my eyes at his smirk and pushed past him.

Kat's voice was the first thing I heard when I got to the top of the steps. Slowly, I made my way toward her room.

"Jesus Christ! It's nothing...just drop it," Kat was yelling.

"Nothing? Are you kidding me?" Laney almost laughed. "You've been fucking Richard? Seriously?" She was stifling laughter now.

"Shut up, Laney!" Kat glared.

"But isn't he like sixty or something?" Laney laughed louder. "Can he still get it up on his own or does he need –?"

"Laney," Kat shouted and glared at her.

Serena stood quietly, leaning against the wall. I nudged her when I entered and mouthed "what the hell?". She smirked.

"It seems that our Katherine here, has been seeing the owner of our record label and sleeping with him," Serena sneered, clearly unhappy about it.

"What?" I gasped and looked at Kat.

"Don't give me that look," Kat warned.

"So, how and when did this happen?" I asked lying down on her bed.

"It's no one's business, and I'm not talking about it," she huffed and threw herself back on her bed.

"Alright, alright..." I put my hands up. "I think we should just leave it alone."

Laney and Serena shrugged heading out the door.

"Don't fuck things up for us, Kat," Serena snapped before walking out.

Kat flipped her off. I chuckled.

"You okay?" I asked. She nodded. "If you need to talk, just let me know."

I patted her back and started to stand.

"He said he's in love with me," she whispered.

I sat back down.

"Oh...and you don't want that?" I asked, biting my lip.

She shrugged.

"It's complicated."

I knew that would be all I would get out of Kat. All I could do was hug her and leave her alone.

Suddenly a wave of exhaustion hit me. I dragged myself to my room. Kicking off my shoes, I slid off my jeans, and pulled my sweatshirt off before I climbed into bed. It didn't take long for me to fall into a deep sleep.

'Mia. Mia dear.'

'Mom!' _I sat up quickly and saw my mother looking down at me from the side of my bed._

I looked around. It was my room.

'Mom...you're....'

'Shhh baby,' she soothed, rubbing my head. Her hands went to my stomach 'You will do wonderfully.' She smiled and I closed my eyes as she leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

'Baby mine...' she began to sing.

When I opened my eyes back up she was gone.

I jumped from my bed and started to look around. I dropped to my knees in tears.

"Mia? Mia, please wake up?"

I could hear his voice, but didn't understand.

My eyes fluttered open, my body tensed, and a shudder ripped through me.

"Are you okay?" Christopher asked, voice full of worry.

Nodding, I rolled into my pillow.

"I'm so sorry...please. I don't think I can..."

Rolling over, I looked at him. I took one look into his eyes, reached my hand to the back of his head, and pulled his face to mine.

I pressed my lips to his. My tongue grazed his lip piercing as I sought entrance. His mouth opened and he started to consume me. A deep moan escaped my mouth when he pressed his body against me. His appreciation was prominent against my thigh.

His hands slid down my body. I could feel the smile spread across his lips when he realized I wasn't wearing pants. Rubbing my thigh, softly massaging, he locked onto my hip and squeezed.

One hand slid over my stomach until he reached my breast. I moaned into his mouth and my body squirmed with need. Quickly, my shirt was over my head and my bra was on the floor. I worked to get his pants off him.

Settling between my legs – with only our underwear between us – I pressed my hips forward, rubbing against him. He moaned my name, causing vibrations on my tender skin.

"Oh God, Chris," I moved faster against him.

He kissed up over my breast and back to my neck. He lightly bit my collarbone, and I pressed my hips up harder, needing more. He moaned.

"If you keep doing that," he rasped "I'm going to fucking lose it, baby."

I did it again, and he grabbed my hips firmly.

"Mia," he warned looking up at the grin on my face.

Christopher

The grin on her face so beautiful, even while we weren't being serious, and I had a raging hard on. My heart skipped a beat at her grin. I realized the timing was off, but the compelling need to express myself to her took over. I slid my hand under her chin, ensuring she kept her eyes on mine.

"I'm completely in love with you, Mia. I want this."

I held her tighter, willing her to understand, to make her believe.

"I want this," I said again, moving my hand from her face to her stomach, "But you have to want it, too. If this isn't what you truly want, then I will...I'll try to understand."

I shut my eyes. Sighing again, I pressed my lips to her shoulder. Her skin was warm and soft. She rolled back and slid her hand over the side of my face. Turning my face toward her palm, I kissed it. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

"I'm just...so confused, scared, worried, unsure..." she sighed. "It's just a lot to take in.

She started to turn away from me again, but I stopped her. Instead, I rolled to my back, taking her with me. I held her against me, and she laid her head in the crook of my shoulder. Grabbing her hand, I placed it on my chest, covering it with mine. I needed to make her understand, make her believe, and for her to feel all I was feeling.

"Do you feel it?" I wasn't sure if she would hear me.

"Feel what?"

"It," I said and squeezed her hand. "The pulse, the feeling flowing between us. Do you feel it too, or is it just me?"

She tensed up and then nodded. I released a breath in relief.

"I've never felt this way, this connected before," I admitted, rolling to my side. I slid down so we were face to face. "I don't know what it's like for you, but for me it's healing. I realize it was all...unexpected, but I don't want it any other way. You mean more to me than you realize."

She tried to roll away again, but I held tight. I wasn't ready for her to pull away. She needed to understand what she meant to me.

"Don't pull away from me, please," I begged. "I need you to understand you aren't just some person in my life. You aren't a groupie, a quick fuck that I'm going to throw away. You are _the_ person in my life. You are my rock, my fucking savior; the only person I could imagine ever spending my forever with is you. It's you."

Watching a range of emotions pass in her eyes, I waited with baited breath for her to say something, anything. When her lips pressed against mine once again, my brain said to stop and finish talking to her, but my heart told me to show her.

I rolled onto her and slowly moved my lips to her cheek and jaw. Lightly, I kissed the flesh of her neck and planted loving kisses on her collarbone. Sliding my right hand down the side of her body, I lifted her left leg and positioned myself between her legs.

To keep from devouring her body, I moved with slow, loving movements, reveling in each inch of her. Her head tilted back as I moved my kisses between the valley of her breasts, and a small gasp escaped her lips as my hand lightly rubbed over her taut nipple.

I continued my path, trailing kisses over her body, going over her stomach and on each hipbone before I slid my nose over the skin of her inner thigh. Her scent was almost too much. The voice in my head kept yelling for me to take her, claim her, make her mine and ravage her beautiful body. I fought an inner battle to keep the slow pace.

Stopping at the inside of her knee, I kissed lightly and moved back up until I reached her center. Mia's breathing was heavy and she was squirming under my mouth, making it more difficult for me to control myself. I placed a featherweight kiss on her lower lips before slipping my tongue inside.

"Oh, God," she growled and pressed her hips forward. "Hughh...ohhh..."

"Oh, God...please," she begged and thrust her hips forward. Grabbing a pillow, she covered her face to muffle the volume of her cries.

My touch stayed constant between her thighs as I crawled back up her body, leaving kisses and nibbles on her skin. With one stop at her breast, eliciting a deep moan, the work of my tongue ring, I continued up her body.

Once face to face, she knotted her hands in my hair and attacked me with a deep kiss. Her body trembled and she whimpered into my mouth. When she'd come down from her release, I pulled away her underwear and removed my boxers, positioning myself at her core to make us one. I've never done this before, made love. But, if this is what she needed to understand that I am fucking serious, I would make sweet, sweet lovin' every night for the rest of my life.

As soon as my tip pressed against her swollen lips, she raised her hips and started to slide herself onto me. I met her action and sheathed myself in her tightness in one long, deep stroke. I rested for moment to gain control. Skimming across her skin lightly, I ran my hand over her breast and down to her thigh. I grasped her thigh easily and pulled it upward as we slowly moved in unison. Moaning incoherently, I had to still myself once again until I could find the strength to continue.

"Ah...Christopher," she pleaded and pushed her hips forward to get me moving.

Slowly, I began to move in and out of her, over and over, building an amazing tension. Mia writhed beneath me and as hot as she looked while doing it, I kept my motions easy and loving. I needed her to feel everything I couldn't find the words to say.

Releasing her thigh from my grasp, I ghosted my hand over her body, cupping her face. Her eyes opened to meet mine, and I met her gaze, hoping to convey all of my feelings.

Her head snapped back. With a loud gasp, her body tensed around me. I claimed her neck as the wave of my explosion took me under. Lying side-by-side, just touching and lightly kissing for almost an hour, she cupped my face with a worried look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I probed, running my hand smoothly over the roundness of her hip.

"Um," she muttered, furrowing her brow furrowed and biting her lip.

That damn lip biting was so erotic without her knowing. I had to lean forward and suck on that lip for a second. When I release her lip, she still looked worried.

"Tell me," I grinned.

"My father wants to meet you tonight," she said quickly and covered her face with her hands. "He knows about the baby."

That was the last thing I heard before I visualized a shotgun-wielding cop chasing me down the driveway and out of the fucking state.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Five

Christopher

In the shower, I had hoped the hot water would ease my stress. Her father wanted to meet me and he knew about the baby. I hadn't even told Nicholas and Gwen. I wasn't sure what Mia wanted. After showering and shaving, I pulled on some jeans and a long-sleeved black t-shirt. Hiding the tattoos covering my arms was the least I could do. My appearance was the last thing I needed working against me. And, let's face it, I wasn't exactly the nine-to-five boy next door that fathers preferred.

When I got downstairs, Mia's voice mingled with Serena's and Laney's in the kitchen. Ryan was watching cartoons. I sat down next to him, nervously bouncing my leg, making Ry glare at me. There was a quick knock on the door. I froze. Mia appeared from the kitchen and walked up to the woman who'd let herself in.

"Hey," Mia greeted with a hug and kiss to Linda's cheek.

"So, a baby, huh?" Linda asked, smiling brightly. Mia reluctantly nodded. "Yeah!" She reached for Mia and squeezed her tightly, saying, "I'm excited! Are you?"

"Uhm..."

A tall, dark-haired man with a thick beard stepped into the house. My mind conjured up Grizzly Adams with a hint of Brawny Man.

"Hey, baby," he greeted, leaning down and kissing the top of Mia's head.

Quickly, I stood from the couch. My t-shirt suddenly felt stifling.

"Ganpah!" Ryan yelled, jumping from the couch.

"There's my little deputy," he chuckled and lifted Ryan to his chest. "So, have you been keeping the house safe?" Ryan nodded. "Good job. It's important to keep our girls safe."

"I do," Ry exclaimed proudly.

"Hey, dad," Serena said, kissing his cheek and hugging him tightly.

Once he was in full view, I scanned for his gun. My ass was not trying to get fucking shot tonight. My shoulders relaxed a little and I breathed easier when I didn't see a weapon.

"Hey, princess," he said, squeezing Serena around her shoulders.

"Dinner is almost ready," Laney announced as she entered the room.

"Fast Lane," Mia's father exclaimed with a large smile. He walked forward to meet her in the middle. They hugged.

"Hey, Jonathan," Laney giggled.

"Laney...what did I tell you about that name?" he used a joking tone.

"I know, I know....Dad," she laughed. Then Laney stepped over to Linda.

A large lump formed in my throat when Mia appeared next to me. Her father's narrowed eyes locked on me.

"It's good to see you again."

My attention was drawn to Linda who'd come to stand in front of me. She rubbed my shoulder and smiled.

"Good to see you, too," I replied, sounding like a fucking idiot. Linda smiled.

Mia walked over to her father, put her hand on his shoulder and leaned in to the side of his head. I couldn't hear what she said to him, but his grunt didn't sound promising. Linda disappeared into the kitchen with Serena, Ryan, and Laney.

Mia cleared her throat.

"Dad, this is Christopher. Christopher, this is my dad, John."

"It's good to meet you, Mr. Ryder."

I put my hand out to him, and he eyed it before applying his firm grip.

"Nice to meet you, Christopher," he said, his tone was flat. "Mia, why don't you let Christopher and I have a moment to talk...man to man."

Fuck! Commence double check for guns.

"Uhm..." she started, looking at me from the corner of my eye. I forced a reassuring smile. "Okay."

She rubbed my arm and stepped to the kitchen. My eyes followed her until she disappeared through the doorway.

"Ahem," he deliberately cleared his throat. "Let's have a seat."

He motioned to the couch as he sat in a chair. He didn't sit back, but leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"So, Christopher, you were on tour with Mia?"

I nodded. "Yes, sir."

"I guess at some point during that time you realized you loved my daughter?" he asked, looking skeptical.

"Umm...yes."

As the answer left my lips, my mind flashed back to all of the "Mia moments" during our time together. I tried to pinpoint that exact moment I fell; the moment I missed the first time. The moment I didn't realize until my fucking therapist had to drag it out of the depths of my messed up head.

"You don't sound so sure, Christopher. Are you sure you even love my daughter?"

One thick, bushy brow rose. This man was really fucking hairy.

"Dad!" Mia scolded from the doorway.

"Eavesdropping isn't something I taught you," he smirked.

"Look –"

"Mia, please, it's fine," I said. She was about to argue with me, but my deep sigh stopped her. "He just cares about you."

I looked back to John. He looked back at me. I made sure to hold his eyes.

"Mr. Ryder, I've never been more sure about anything in my life."

His eyes stayed on mine, reading my face.

"Very well then," he replied, sitting back into the chair. "So, tell me why my baby is having a baby? Are condoms an inconvenience to you, son?"

There went the caterpillar brow again.

"No, sir," I cleared my throat quietly. "It wasn't something that was planned. To be honest, I wasn't thinking clearly. Though the baby wasn't something either of us expected, I wouldn't want to ever take it back."

"So, if you could go back and change it, you wouldn't? You would still be unsafe and allow her to get pregnant?"

I took a deep breath, sure he was going to hate my answer, but I figured it was better than lying.

"No, I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't want it any other way, not now that I know and feel what I do."

"Hmmm...." He was analyzing my every move, my every twitch. "Have you thought about marriage?"

I was quicker with this response.

"She won't marry me," I grinned.

"That's my girl," he smiled, proud. With that, he stood up and I stood with him.

"Pleasure to meet you, Christopher," he said, holding his hand out to me this time. I shook it firmly. Then he leaned in close to me.

"Just remember to treat her good because as the Chief of Police, I have connections and a legal right to carry and use firearms."

I blinked a couple of times. He chuckled on his way to the kitchen.

"You okay?" Mia asked, pulling me out of my hunter versus prey visions.

"Yeah," I said. I smiled and cupped her concerned face. "He was fine."

"Yeah, well just ignore his threats. Every boyfriend I've ever had is still alive," she giggled, walking away.

Her comment about boyfriends ripped a hole in my chest, the green eyed monster reeling it's head. I grabbed her arm and she turned her head back to me with a questioning expression.

"How many boyfriends are we talking about?"

Mia laughed and shook her head, pulling away from me. She hadn't answered me, assuming I was kidding. I wasn't.

Many horrid visions were going through my head. The little girl with mahogany hair in the photo on the wall with her first crush, junior high Mia when boys started to notice her maturity, high school Mia when guys would be drooling and all over each other to get at her. I had to shake my head and swallow the large lump now in my throat. Just thinking that someone else had been with her, loved her and held her, was making me nauseous. I fucking hated them. I didn't know how many there were, but I fucking hated them. She was mine, only mine.

We sat around the dining room table, laughing while John and Linda told stories about Mia and the girls. He had a nickname for just about everyone at the table. Mia was Baby, Serena was Princess, Ryan was Deputy Ryder, Laney was Fast Lane, Kat was Kit Kat, and Linda was Woman. He used them frequently throughout the evening. I wanted to ask the meaning behind some of them, but was pretty sure John and I weren't on that level yet.

John met Elliott the same night and also pulled him aside for _the talk_. When Elliott came back in the room, he sat next to me with a stunned expression on his face. He blew out a large breath. I leaned toward him.

"Try being the one that got his daughter pregnant," I said with a grin and straightened back up.

Elliott smirked, "No thanks, dude."

Once the table was clear, we went to the living room where Ryan was showing John his new video game. John kept rubbing his head and looking to Mia or Serena for help. Elliott came to his rescue with a pat on the back. He sat down and started to play with Ryan. John gave him a look of gratitude.

Mia was sitting away from me and I hated it. I wanted her close. However, I controlled my urges and stayed in my seat. The conversations changed over to the holidays. The fact they were only a couple of weeks away reminded me to talk to Mia about taking a trip to see Nicholas and Gwen.

After John and Linda left, I pulled Mia away to her room. As soon as we were through the door, I picked her up bridal style, which she yelled at me for. I lay her down and climbed over her body.

"Would you object to going to see Gwen and Nicholas?" I asked. She couldn't hide the nervousness and fear creasing her face. "Mia, you have nothing to worry about. Nicholas doesn't own any fucking guns." She laughed and hit me in the arm. Leaning forward, I kissed her forehead.

"I just...I don't know. I mean you dealt with John, so I should probably do the same for you," she conceded, smiling a little and biting her lip with a shrug. She was just too damn cute. I pressed my lips to hers. "Are you trying to bribe me?"

"I may have to since I want to leave this weekend to see them. This way you can be back with your family for Christmas."

"Oh," was her response. "Did you already make the arrangements?"

"No." I pushed stray hairs from her face. "I wanted to talk to you first."

She smiled and kissed me back.

After leaving her room, I called Nicholas to let him know we would arrive on Saturday. Gwen called me a half hour later, over-the-moon about our visit, wanting to know what she should make for dinner, breakfast, lunches, snacks. This woman was ridiculous. She also wanted to have an early Christmas with us. I knew Gwen would adore Mia. Hell, she was already infatuated with Mia. To Gwen, she is the girl that had drawn my attention and changed me. Mia is an angel.

The drive was mostly quiet, with a few questions from Mia about Nicholas and Gwen. When we pulled down the long driveway, I looked over at her. Her eyes enlarged at the size of the house. This was Gwen's pride and joy. She had restored the old three-story Victorian home and decorated it.

Before I could get around to the passenger side of the car, Mia had gotten out and stood holding onto the metal frame of the open door.

"You ready?" I asked and grabbed her hand. She took a deep breath before nodding. The door opened before we took one-step onto the large wraparound porch.

"Christopher," Gwen cried.

She hurried to me with open arms. I held tightly to Mia's hand and used my other arm to squeeze Gwen. She kissed my cheek and hugged me tighter.

"I missed you too, Gwen," I said with a smile and kissed her forehead. "Gwen this is Mia, Mia this is Gwen."

"It's nice to meet you," Mia said, putting her hand out toward her. I chuckled under my breath knowing Gwen wouldn't stand for that. Gwen grabbed Mia into her trademark mamma bear hug.

"Oh, it is such a pleasure to meet you, Mia," she gushed, leaning back and looking into Mia's face. "Thank you so much."

Gwen pulled her close again for another hug. I refused to let go of Mia's hand, so they had to work around that.

"Gwendolyn, let them in before they freeze," Nicholas chuckled from the doorway. Gwen pulled us into the house.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna grab our bags."

I kissed Mia on the temple and went back to the car. When I returned, I placed the bags at the bottom of the stairs and followed Gwen's voice. They were in the sitting room. Nicholas and Gwen were across from Mia on the other couch. I took my place next to Mia.

"So, Christopher, I was surprised to get your call. We usually don't hear from you much." I shrugged and Mia looked a little confused.

"Well, I guess the impromptu visit would be because of something that I...we wanted to tell you."

Nicholas sat up straighter and Gwen's face lit up.

"Are you getting married?" Gwen beamed. I could see the place cards, guest list, and seating charts in her eyes.

I shook my head and chuckled, "No."

Out of the corner of my eye, Mia seemed as pale as a ghost.

"Are you okay?" I asked, cupping her face and pulling her to look at me. She just nodded and half smiled.

"Then...please continue, Christopher," Nicholas encouraged, trying to mask his nerves.

"Umm..." I rubbed the back of my head. "Well, we're having a baby."

I looked at Mia, who put her face in her hands. Nicholas looked angry, and Gwen looked like she would faint from excitement.

"Oh, Christopher!" Gwen said and hurried over to pull me into a hug. "Mia."

Gwen had tears in her eyes as she sat next to Mia and tried to calm her. "Mia, don't be upset. I'm so happy for –"

"Christopher," Nicholas said, his voice stern.

There was no fighting the scowl forming on my face. This tone was too familiar, his disappointment evident.

"Are you sure this is...I mean, can you...are you going to be able to handle this?" he queried, fear lacing his words.

"Nicholas," Gwen hissed, joining me in the scowling. "We can talk about that later."

"There's no need to talk about it at all," I said sharply. "I can and will handle everything."

"I'm sorry," Nicholas said quickly. "I didn't mean to sound so...I didn't mean to offend. Congratulations."

Regret had moved in.

Gwen continued to talk with Mia about her due date, if she knew what she was having, names, nursery, breast or bottle... Mia looked a little uncomfortable at first, but soon loosened up with Gwen. However, she didn't have many answers to the questions Gwen asked. I was just happy to have her here with me. To be honest, the more I thought about having her in my old bedroom, the happier I was to have brought her here.

We talked to Nicholas and Gwen for most of the evening in the sitting room. Over dinner, Nicholas couldn't control his killjoy attitude any longer.

"So, how have your sessions been?"

"Fine," I lied, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Really? Because I spoke with your doctor and –"

"What are you trying to get at?" I snapped, the sharpness in my voice caused Gwen to flinch.

"Christopher, you can't just stop your sessions. You need to keep at it."

"Wait," Mia's broke into the discussion. "You stopped your sessions?"

"I've just taken some time away so I could focus on more important things," I said, glaring at Nicholas.

"Whoa there, are you talking about me?"

She pushed back from the table roughly, looking intent. I grabbed her hand.

"I'll go back, but I just wanted some time for us, uninterrupted by our schedules." My explanation wasn't hacking it, anger formed in her eyes.

"No, Chris, you need to keep seeing Doctor J. It's important," she said, looking like she was going to burst into tears.

Growling low, I shot Nicholas one last glare.

"I'll go back after the holidays."

Mia put her hands on my face.

"You'll call him tomorrow," she insisted, the look on her face daring me to argue.

"Okay," I conceded. I couldn't argue with her, or be the one to make her cry.

"Damn, I love this girl." Gwen laughed and tossed her napkin on her plate.

"I think it's time to retire for the evening," Nicholas said, standing and taking his plate to the kitchen.

After saying goodnight, we headed up to bed. Showing Mia to my old room, she walked around and examined everything. I never had much stuff, just CDs, DVDs, books, and some pictures. Mia stopped when she came to the one picture hanging over my desk. She turned to me, her finger extended toward the picture.

"Is this...?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"She's beautiful, Christopher." Moving to her side in three quick strides, I wrapped my arms around her waist. We looked at the picture of my mother.

"And that's you?" I nodded. "You were cute."

"Were?" I asked, turning her around to look at me.

She laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened," she giggled and tried to walk away. I wasn't having that.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"To get my pajamas," she said, as if it should be obvious.

"You won't need them," I said with a smirk and pressed my lips to hers.

"Christopher," she said against my lips. "You're," she paused "Gwen and Nicholas."

"Are on the second floor, at the other end of the house," I reassured and claimed her lips passionately.

She opened her mouth to me, and our tongues began their lustful dance. Mia's pants and shirt were off within the four steps it took to get her on my bed. Her bra and underwear, quickly removed. Having her in my bed, bare and open to me, was incredible.

Mia

Christopher showed me where his room was. My curiosity took over, examining everything. There wasn't much. He was definitely a minimalist.

I paused when I saw the picture of him and his mother on the wall. I almost cried. My heart ached, taking in his happy childhood face as he held hands with his mother. She looked down to him lovingly, proud. Christopher's arms brought me out of my thoughts. His lips and body brought me to his bed where he took his agonizingly slow time sending me over the edge multiple times until we fell asleep wrapped in each other's sweaty limbs.

I woke up early with my stomach churning in an all too familiar way, and hurried toward a door in his room, praying it was the bathroom. I lucked out. After getting sick twice, I climbed into the shower and got dressed. Walking out of the bathroom, I noticed Christopher wasn't in the room. I headed down the first flight of steps to the second floor and heard raised voices. I tried not to listen, but I just couldn't help it.

"Damn it, Christopher, you aren't thinking clearly at all," Nicholas shouted. "You have JUST started to make progress, and now you've thrown another thing into the mix you aren't ready for! Have you even thought of that?"

"Of course I thought of it! Jesus, Nicholas, why can't you just be happy for me? Why is it that when it comes to me, it has to be about the bad or how much fucking worse shit can get?" Christopher was shouting back.

"I don't want to think that way, but I've seen so many things push you off track so many times. What if this ends up being one of those times?" Nicholas asked, quieter.

"It's not," Christopher growled. "I love her, and there is nothing that can mess this up for me, not even ME. This baby wasn't planned, but it's a part of her and a part of me. There isn't anything I could want more. Can't you understand?"

I didn't want to hear anymore. I felt guilty for listening. Entering the kitchen, I ran into Gwen standing at the stove. She heard me enter and turned.

"Good morning, dear," she greeted, her face looking stressed.

"Good morning," I replied, forcing a smile.

"Don't let it worry you," she said, turning back to the skillet on the stove. "I've never seen Christopher this way, and I'm sure you are the world to him. So is your baby."

I swallowed hard and fought back tears. _Damn hormones._

Gwen placed a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of me.

"Thank you," I sniffed, still fighting the tears.

"Oh, dear, what's the matter?" Gwen asked, dropping the spatula and coming to my side.

I shook my head. "Hormones," I sniffed again.

She laughed.

"When I was pregnant with Jackson, I cried over all the milk being gone," she giggled at her memory.

I smiled and inhaled a deep breath. That's when Christopher entered the kitchen. He locked his eyes on me and rushed over.

"What's wrong?" he asked, eyes scanning my face and body.

"Nothing, just hormonal," I assured, shrugging.

"Are you sure?" he demanded, holding my chin in his fingertips. I nodded. He kissed my nose and then looked worried when he saw my untouched food. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Yeah, I am. Gwen just put them there before you came in."

"Oh, sorry. Eat, please."

He moved, taking a seat next to me. Gwen put a plate in front of him. I picked up my fork just as he traded me plates.

"What are you doing?"

"Mine will be warmer," he explained, turning to what used to be my plate and started eating.

I looked away from him, but caught Gwen's small smile.

We spent a week at Gwen and Nicholas' house. He showed me the music room where Gwen had gotten him to start talking and playing piano.

"It was here I spoke for the first time after my mother's death," he whispered, sitting side by side on the piano bench.

"Because of Gwen?" I asked, tapping a few keys. The sound carried around the silence.

"Yeah. She seemed to be in here playing a lot when I first arrived. Drawn out of my room by the music, I would sit over there," he said, pointing to a window seat in the far corner of the room, "and listen."

"Then, one day when she finished a particular song," he continued, beginning to play the song I assumed Gwen had played for him, "I said, 'again'."

He chuckled lightly. "I still remember the look on her face when I spoke." He chuckled again and stopped playing. "After that, she coaxed me closer and closer to the piano, until she got me to play."

I leaned my head on his shoulder as he started playing again. One deep breath filled my senses with him. Listening to him play confirmed the truth. He could relate or connect to me in some way he never had with anyone else. The only thing that had the same effect was music. I grasped that fact as reassurance we could make this work.

We tried to do things around Seattle, but the paparazzi had gotten wind that we were around and together. They first appeared when we exited a restaurant one afternoon. It was expected, but when the questions and flashes started to go off it was as if I forgot how to deal with all of it.

"Is it true that you're living together?" "Are you getting married?" "Mia, are you aware of the other girls Chris is associated with?" "Mia, are you pregnant?"

It took everything in me to keep myself composed after the pregnancy question. Chris wrapped me up in his arms and hurried us through the crowd. One cameraman was a little too forward. He jumped in front of us and I stumbled. Chris caught me before I fell, but I couldn't stop him from reacting.

"You idiot," he growled. "You almost knocked her down."

"Give us a picture, man," the guy requested, ignoring Chris' anger.

"It's okay, Chris," I urged, grabbing his shoulder. "Just calm down."

He shrugged off my hand, grabbed the camera from in front of the guy's face, and smashed it to the ground.

"Chris!" I yelled, and grabbed his arm. The cameraman backed away quickly.

"You are going to pay for that, man," the guy threatened. "You all saw what he just did."

A couple of reporters mumbled in agreement, but there were a few telling the guy he'd caused the whole thing. Chris quickly shoved me into his car and drove off. We were silent on the ride back. When we entered the house, Nicholas called out for Chris.

"What?" he snapped, his tone still clipped.

"Would you care to explain to me why I am getting calls about you damaging someone's personal property?"

"He almost knocked Mia over. What did you expect me to do?" Chris argued.

"Calm down," I spoke in a hushed tone.

"No, I won't fucking calm down," he snapped at me before turning back to Nicholas. "I was trying to fucking protect her."

"You didn't have to destroy his camera, Christopher. Now we have a lawsuit to deal with. Not to mention what the press will do with this."

Nicholas was undoubtedly frustrated, but he was controlling his anger. Christopher, on the other hand, was explosive.

"Just pay for the fucking camera and he'll get over it."

"It's not that simple, and you know it," Nicholas shot back, standing from his desk. "The bigger issue is your temper. You need to get it under control."

Nicholas rubbed his neck.

"Have you called Dr. J yet?"

"Yes," he growled. "I talked with him over the phone this morning."

"Did you schedule a session?"

Chris scowled.

"Why the fuck are you starting this again?"

"Because you need to see your therapist and deal with your anger issues."

"I'm fucking dealing with it. I called, we talked. My anger issues aren't the fucking problem in this case," Chris snapped and pulled me from the room.

We stayed two more days, returning to Whidbey Island at the end of the week. The drive back was as quiet as the drive there. I slept most of the way. When I wasn't sleeping, I was thinking about Christopher's actions with the photographer. It had started to throw up new red flags. When we got back to my house, I decided to speak to him about it.

"Chris?"

"Yeah," he mumbled into my side. We were lying in bed.

"I think that you should go back to Seattle."

His head popped up from my side. He looked at me with confusion and fear. He opened his mouth to argue.

"Let me finish," I stopped him. "I think you should go back and set up some time to see Dr. J."

His face hardened.

"You want me to leave?"

"Come on. You know you were out of line with the photographer," I reasoned, placing my hand on the side of his face. "And it's pretty damn obvious you have trouble controlling your temper."

"I'm fine," he growled.

"No, you're not –"

"I'm. Fine. I wasn't out of line. He could've knocked you over, hurt you, hurt the baby. I was not out of fucking line." He settled back in to my side. That was the end of the discussion, there was nothing more to say.

Christmas came quickly. There was four feet of snow outside, and it was downright frigid. Two days before Christmas Eve, we went to watch Ryan in his preschool production of the manger scene. Then, we spent Christmas Eve at John and Linda's house where Serena and I grew up. Christopher examined so many photos and went through my bedroom thoroughly, making sure to tease me about my boy band posters I had from that phase in my youth. Christmas morning, Ryan's screaming woke us all up before seven in the morning.

"Santa was here!! Santa Claus came!!!" he screeched, running up and down the halls and the steps until we all dragged ourselves into the living room so he could open gifts. Elliott seemed to be having as much fun as Ryan.

"Oh, check this out," Elliott would _ohh_ and _ahh_ with Ryan.

"Do we have batteries for this?" Elliott asked, looking to Serena with real worry.

"Yes, we have batteries," Serena confirmed, pulling out a shoebox full of them. Both Elliott and Ryan's faces lit up like it was another present.

Ry had gotten so much stuff I thought we were going to have to put an addition on the house just for toys.

Laney got Jackson a leather jacket and another gift he wouldn't take out of the box. His smile indicated that it was for a more private time. Jackson got Laney a million gift cards to go shopping, and he also got her a membership for a spa in Seattle.

Elliott got Serena a diamond necklace that she thought was too much. Serena got Elliott the complete _Rock Band_ video game and accessories, along with a whisper of another gift later. Elliott smiled so wide, I thought his cheeks would split to his ears. He scooped her up and put her in his lap as he helped Ryan get the remote control robot out of its box and filled with batteries.

Christopher slipped a small box onto my lap as I sat between his legs, my back against his chest.

"Christopher, we agreed not to buy each other anything," I grumbled.

"I didn't," he said, shrugging. "I already had it."

I bit my lip and opened the small package. After the paper was off, I saw the small leather square ring box. I was about to scowl at him again, but he spoke first.

"It's not what you're thinking so don't panic."

He kissed behind my ear and ran his nose down the back of my neck. Opening the box, I saw a small silver ring with a green stone. It was simple and beautiful.

"It's beautiful, Christopher, but –"

"It was my mother's," he said and held onto me tighter. "I want you to have it."

I chewed on my lip for a moment before turning my head and kissing his cheek.

"Thank you," I said, closing the box. He grabbed the box quickly before I could set it down and took the ring out, placing it on my right ring finger.

"I want you to wear it." He almost sounded childlike. I turned my body from my waist up and kissed him. I turned back around, and he handed me another square package.

"Christopher..."

"It's for the...baby," he said quickly.

Feeling my heart rate increase, I opened the package and found a CD. The cover read "A Lullaby". I turned sideways and looked at him.

"I...um...wrote the song for the baby," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. "It's just on the piano and it's just an instrumental."

He shrugged it off, but I didn't think my heart could handle what he had done.

"Don't shrug it off," I ordered. He looked worried for a moment. "It's the most beautiful thing I have ever been given." I took a breath to calm myself from attacking him on the couch. I put my hand on the side of his face. "Honestly, the most beautiful."

"No. That would be you and..." he placed his hand on my stomach. Tears slipped from my lids. He wiped them away and kissed me gently.

By New Year's, photographers had finally found our house and stalked the outside on a regular basis. We knew it was coming, but, still, you can't help but hope it won't.

Leaving in our own cars was no longer an option, unless we wanted to be followed. Now we had two black cars with dark tinted windows that we shared. They were similar looking so we could use one as a decoy when necessary.

The group separated for New Year's. Laney and Jackson flew to New York to appear on the MTV countdown in Times Square. Kat disappeared without too much detail about her plans. Jimmy, apparently, met a girl and was spending a lot of time with her.

Serena, Elliott, Ryan, Chris, and I stayed home for a quiet and relaxing New Year. Ry fell asleep before eleven. After they put him to bed, Chris and I decided to let them have some alone time. Serena and Elliott rang in the New Year with pizza and beer, while my New Year rang in with an orgasmic explosion.

The Sunday after New Year's, we received an unexpected knock on our door. Serena answered and screamed at the top of her lungs. I stood up and watched our old neighborhood friends enter the house.

"Oh, my God!"

Christopher stiffened next to me. He quickly stood and wrapped his arms around me. I turned to him.

"We all grew up together," I said with a smile. I patted Christopher's chest excitedly, pushing away to greet our guests. "He's been in Afghanistan for almost a year."

"Mia," Jace, Sean's best friend, said and opened his arms. It had been so long since I'd seen him.

"Jace," I hugged him tightly. "I can't believe it!"

Laney ran into the room and jumped on him. Kat soon followed.

"Holy shit! Look what the dog dragged in!" Kat laughed loudly as she ran to hug him as well.

Jace was surrounded by us and laughing. I reached up to hug him one more time. This time when I did, Jace leaned down and kissed me on the side of my mouth. It wasn't romantic.

Chris didn't know that. The next thing I knew, Christopher roared.

"Don't touch her!"

Everything seemed to go in slow motion when Christopher's fist hit Jace's face. Jace fell back and then regrouped enough to attack Christopher.

"Christopher! Jace! Stop!" My shouts were ignored.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Six

Christopher

"Christopher! Jace! Stop!"

She screamed, but I couldn't stop. The fury raging within me pushed me into the red zone. All I wanted was to kill him for touching her.

My jaw clicked when his fist connected. The minute I got my balance back, I threw my body weight onto him, sending him onto his back. Straddling him, his arms crossed over his face, I let my fists fly repeatedly into his face making a connection to his nose.

"Get the fuck off me!" he yelled, trying to push me off, but there was no way the red haze would allow that.

"Get off of him!" a familiar voice screamed, and then hands tugged on my upper arms. Shrugging the hands off, I continued my assault.

"Stop! Christopher, Stop!" The hands returned with the scream and pulled harder. Then bigger, stronger hands grabbed me and yanked me off him. I tried to lunge again.

"Don't ever touch her!"

My hands couldn't reach him, but my warning could. Sean and another guy grabbed him before he could lunge in my direction. Elliott and Jackson held tightly to my arms and shoulders. Then, there was Mia.

"Stop! Both of you! Stop!" she screamed, tears streaming down her flushed face. Immediately, I stopped struggling against Elliott and moved to her.

"Mia..." I couldn't finish when I saw the look on her face. I froze at the pain and anger on her face and in her beautiful eyes.

"Mia..." Jace's voice pulled me out of my frozen state.

I pulled Mia behind me, taking a protective stance. As I eyed Jace with a silent threat and challenge, Mia tried to move around me but I kept her blocked.

"Christopher, move!" She hit my back, but I wasn't moving. "Damn it, move!"

"Who the fuck is this?" he sneered at me and took a step closer.

"Jace, I am so sorry. I don't know how to apolo –"

" _You_ have nothing to apologize for," he said, his eyes never leaving mine. "This asshole on the other hand –"

"Here, use this," Laney said, appearing with a rag for his nose. Laney turned her eyes to me with a furious glare. Mia shoved me harder and moved around me, toward him.

"I'm sorry, Jace. It's just that...well...Christopher is kind of...protective," she said, sounding disgusted when she said my name. I flinched. Then she fucking hugged him. I moved, trying to grab her arm to pull her away. She yanked her arm out of mine and turned on me.

"Let go of me!"

I dropped my hand and she turned back to him. _What the fuck?_

"I'm gonna go. I'll visit some other time, okay?" he suggested and turned toward the door.

"Jace, Sean, don't go. Please."

He shrugged at Mia and waved on his way out the door.

"Come on–" her shoulders hunched forward and her head dropped. Then she turned toward the stairs. I followed.

"Mia, I—"

"Leave me alone," she said, her tone sad and defeated. I tried to speak again, but again she cut me off. "Go away!"

I put my arms around her. She shoved me away and turned on me. Her eyes filled with heated, angry fire.

"How could you do that? What the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded, hitting me in the chest. "I cannot believe you attacked him! What the fuck did –"

My possessive, angry, red haze started to return _. She was angry for me hurting him? Who the fuck was he?_

"Me! He kissed you and had his hands all over you! You fucking let him."

I was seething and holding her by her upper arms. She tried to yank away from my touch again.

"He's an old friend, Sean's best friend, and you completely overreacted. I can't believe –"

"What kind of friend? 'Cause his lips and hands were –"

"Don't you dare!" she snapped, poking me in my chest. "I want you to leave!"

"Fine," I spat. "At least now I get why you don't want to marry me."

Her eyes widened. "You're an asshole!"

"Don't worry, I get it. I'm just the guy who fucked up and knocked you up. I fucking get it now!"

The venomous words spilled forward before I could stop them. Regret filled me as soon as they'd fallen from my lips. I released her arms. Her eyes filled to the brim until she blinked and the large tears rolled over her round cheeks. She fled up the stairs.

"I suggest you go, asshole."

My head flew forward from the hard smack to the back of my head.

"What the fuck?"

I spun around. Serena stood there glaring at me.

"You need to get your woman, Elliott!"

In my peripheral vision, Elliott stood. "Baby..."

"Sit down and shut up!" she commanded, her glare now on him, but she turned back to me as soon as Elliott froze.

"You son of a bitch! How dare you treat her like that?" she snapped. She brought her hand up again, but I grabbed her wrist.

"You better watch what the fuck you say to me," I warned.

"Or what?" she snorted. "You'll treat me like you just treated Mia? You're such a bastard!"

Serena shoved me. I stumbled. She made her way up the stairs after Mia. I turned toward Elliott who was standing there with wide eyes.

"Don't look at me. You've really fucked up this time." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Anger coursed through my veins. Grabbing my coat and keys, I stalked out to my car. Jackson and Elliott yelled for me. I slammed the rental car door shut, revving the engine and spun the tires.

How could she....she is just so....his hands were all over her! He fucking kissed her!

"Fuck!" I exploded, slamming my fist onto the steering wheel and speeding out of fucking Whidbey Island.

Ten days later, I rolled over in my bed, alone, to pounding on my door. I reached onto my nightstand and heard bottles crash to the floor. I tried to locate my cell phone. Finally finding it, I forced my eyes open. Eleven in the morning. Fuck my head. The room was too bright. I needed a few more pills and vodka – definitely more fucking vodka.

"Christopher," the muffled yell was followed by more pounding on the door.

"Go away!" I answered, burying my head under a pillow.

Some clicks and slams alerted me to their entrance. Then the voices got closer. I sighed heavily into my bed.

"Christopher?" Nicholas was in stern mode. I'm sure he was looking over all the bottles I'd gone through in the past ten days.

"Christopher?" he said louder, angrier.

"Get out," I grumbled.

"No," he responded firmly. "We aren't going anywhere."

We? Did Mia...? I turned over. My eyes focused on Nicholas and then Dr. J. I sighed.

"Christopher, I think we should talk," Dr. J said, lifting up two of the empty vodka bottles off my floor with one hand and an empty pill bottle in the other.

"Nothing to fucking talk about," I growled and threw myself back onto my bed.

"Oh, I think there is –" Nicholas started, but Dr. J interjected.

"We know what happened in Whidbey Island," he said grimly.

"Fuck you," I growled, putting my arm over my face.

Their retreating footsteps made me relax. I breathed out, relieved they were gone. When I heard my bedroom door shut, I looked up, greeted by the sight of Dr. J standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Get up," he said like a drill sergeant.

"Fuck you! Get out!"

"Fuck you! Get up!" he responded. My head snapped in his direction. I wasn't used to him speaking that way. He smirked. "I'm not above forcing you out of bed."

I sat up and put my feet to the floor, leaning my elbows to knees.

"Get your ass in the shower and then meet me in the living room. We have some talking to do."

Something smacked me in the arm. I looked over to see a bottle of Tylenol on the bed. Then my door closed. I sighed and headed for the shower.

In the bathroom, I tossed the Tylenol into the trash, showered, and dug through my medicine cabinet. Oxycontin would numb the pain better. Walking back out to my bedroom, I scanned different clear bottles on my floor. Finally, my eyes located one tilted bottle with a quarter inch of clear liquid. I popped two pills in my mouth and chased them with the last of my Vodka binge.

Once dressed, I entered the living room and found Dr. J sitting on a chair with two full coffee cups sitting on the table in front of him. I slouched down into the couch and put my head back. The numb feeling was setting in. I welcomed it with open arms.

"So, we're all the way back to the beginning, huh?" Dr. J broke the silence. I shrugged.

"Christopher," he sighed. "I think it's time to get you some rehabilitation."

I snapped my head up.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I think we need some more intense work, Christopher. Just you...no outside interference," he said, looking me straight in the face.

"I'm getting better...I can't...I'm not the way that I was," I snapped.

"You bruised her arms," he snapped back.

A heavy breath left my body. No pill or drink could numb this feeling.

"I...what...?" I coughed out.

"She's fine. But, not only did you attack a friend of their family, but you grabbed her arms hard enough in your rage to leave marks on her. We need to work on your anger more," he sighed, motioning toward me. "Not to mention this relapse."

"I-I need to apologize to her," I rasped, panicked.

I never meant to mark her, to hurt her, I would never...but I did. I was no better than he was.

"I think you need to get help..."

I couldn't hear him any longer. My mind filled with Mia. I left the room for my cell. I dialed her number, but got no answer. I called Elliott, no answer. Jackson, no answer. Serena, no answer. Collapsing to my floor on my knees, I screamed. My phone was blinking and my heart fluttered with hope, but when I looked at my phone, the flutter turned into claws ripping through my chest.

It was a message from Serena. It was a picture message of an arm with perfect blue fingerprints.

**Stay away, asshole!** was her accompanying text.

When his hand rested on my shoulder, I launched at him with all my force. All the sadness, fear, and self-hate poured out. Dr. J caught my arm and pushed me over until he could pin me to the floor. I sobbed.

This would be it. I fucking lost her. Lost my baby. There was no forgiveness for this. I'd become the man I hated most.

I was him.

Mia

After he was gone, Serena lay with me for hours until I calmed down and stopped sobbing. When she gasped, I turned my head. Following her gaze, my eyes took in the bruises on my arm where Christopher had held onto me.

"He didn't mean it and he didn't realize –"

"Are you fucking crazy? Don't make excuses for that asshole!" she yelled, spitting fire.

Sighing, I lay my head back down on the pillow. I heard a clicking noise, but ignored it. Serena left my room soon after, stating she was going to get me something to eat.

Serena called Una and told her about what happened. When I found out what she had done and said, we argued.

It'd been ten days when Christopher called. I didn't answer. I couldn't. Nicholas had already called and told me Christopher had relapsed. Dr. J and he were going to be taking care of him and it was best if I, and everyone else for that matter, didn't respond to him. When the phone rang, my hand twitched to answer the call. Serena grabbed my phone and shut it off.

Three days later, Nicholas called.

Apparently Nicholas, with the help of Dr. J, set Christopher up in an exclusive rehab that most people thought was a spa. Admitted under medical orders, he couldn't just leave, and it cut him off from the outside world during the detox phase. I understood what he was saying, but my heart didn't. All my heart knew was that everything hurt with him gone.

February arrived and I hadn't heard from Christopher or heard anything else about him. I was sitting at the piano in the basement of our house when a small flutter tickled my stomach. I froze. My hands went down and felt the fluttering again. It was like bubbles rolling through my abdomen. I couldn't contain the giggle that spilled up from my lips.

I finally felt happiness. I was happy to be here and I was happy to be pregnant. The warm tears spilled over my cheeks and I began to play. The chords seemed to flow freely from my fingers. With such a small movement, I felt alive again.

The paparazzi hadn't found out about the pregnancy, yet. However, I was still nervous to leave the house today. My stomach was more prominent, almost unmistakable. I stepped out of the house, ushered by security into a black car with heavily tinted windows. Slouching into the seat, I closed my eyes. I kept thinking about Christopher, about the baby, about everything. He was missing things, and I was missing him, but what if he came out of everything unable to handle this? _Would he be around to see the baby?_ I cradled my belly and swallowed my tears.

The car stopped in the back of the recognizable, large, brick building. My security guard helped me into the rear entrance where I'm escorted into the familiar room. He stayed in the hallway. I changed into the thin cotton gown and waited. When I heard the knock on the door, I assumed it was the doctor.

"Come in," I called out.

"Hey."

I looked up and almost leapt from the table.

"Oh, my God!" I yelped, wrapping my arms around Kat. "When did you get here?"

"I tried to be here before you, but as you can see...I wasn't," she laughed and shrugged.

Kat stayed with me during my doctor's appointment. She got teary-eyed with me when the heartbeat filled the room. Kat held my hand as the ultrasound technician did my final scan, and stood by me when the tech told us the sex of the baby. I was so happy not to do this day alone. Going forward, Kat had deemed herself my pregnancy companion. I owed her big time.

Security successfully got us in and out without so much as a flash or second glance from anyone. Back at the house, we ate dinner, played some songs together, and then settled for a movie.

March arrived before we knew it and my stomach was obvious, so leaving the house had become even less frequent. The only times I left were for the doctor's appointments. Other than that, one of the girls did most of the necessary errands. It was during one of my doctor's appointments I was finally discovered.

I was climbing out of the car to enter the medical building when I heard the shutter of a camera and a male voice calling out. I groaned and hunched over, hoping my coat would camouflage my expanding waistline.

"Mia, are you pregnant?" "Is it Christopher Mason's baby?"

I didn't respond. I hurried inside with Kat close at my side and a bodyguard as protective as ever. At the end of the appointment, we tried to use a different tactic, sure that more cameramen would be waiting in the alley. My guard called for another car and escorted us through the parking garage exit.

As soon as we stepped from the elevator, flashes and questions swarmed around me. I'd never had so many cameras shoved in my face, or so many people talking to me at one time. It was terrifying. Instinctively, I cradled my stomach. Kat wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Damn leeches," she growled.

"Get back!" she yelled at a couple of forward photographers. My guard extended an arm and knocked the two guys back into the crowd.

"Keep your distance," he commanded, his deep voice booming against the cement walls of the parking garage.

"When is the baby due?" "How do you feel about being a single mother?" "What was your reaction to Chris leaving you for another woman while carrying his child?"

I couldn't fight the tears I started to shed. Kat held me tighter.

"Don't listen to them," she whispered into my ear. How could I not listen? They were yelling it.

We made it halfway to the car when the crowd had acquired more photographers and passerbys. My guard was doing his best to get them to back off, but it was just too much. Fear coursed through me as the crowd pressed closer.

I squealed when my security guard lifted me up bridal style and carried me toward the car. The group was still relentless with the questions, but they weren't going to stand in the way of his large body forging forward. We finally got to the car and pulled away. I cried the entire way back home.

The next day the photographer's words crept back into my head. _"What was your reaction to Chris leaving you for another woman while you are carrying his child?"_ I knew it was stupid, but I was desperate and scared. I got online and started my search.

At first, the only image I saw was a picture taken when security carried me through the garage, but next to the photo of me were the photos I hoped wouldn't be there. Chris was sitting closely with a red-haired woman. I choked on a sob and clicked on the picture. It brought up an entire gallery of shots: Chris and this woman sitting on a porch at sunset, them leaning in toward each other like they were about to kiss, both of them laughing with their heads tossed back, and finally came a picture of them embracing. My body began to shake with silent sobs. I shoved my laptop from the table. The noise of it crashing to the floor got Kat's attention. She rushed in and found me in hysterics.

It took three hours for Serena and Kat to calm me down enough to cry myself to sleep. They tried to reassure me he wouldn't do that. They were sure it was something blown out of proportion, but there was a small tone to Serena's voice that told me she was trying to convince herself, too. Kat slept with me for the next two nights while I suffered nightmares.

A couple of days after my breakdown, Kat, Laney, and I were sitting together on the couch while I picked at Chinese food and watched yet another horror movie. Laney had her hand on my stomach waiting to feel the baby kick again when there was a loud scuffle outside.

"You need to wait out here," security ordered loudly.

I glanced at Kat and then to Laney. We both looked toward the door when Laney got up to check it out.

"I don't have to wait!" another muffled voice argued back.

"Yes, you do!"

The door slammed and then security stormed into the living room.

"Mia, there's someone here to see you..." he said, hesitating. "I'm not sure if you want to see him."

I stood from the couch with a furrowed brow and headed toward the door.

"Mia," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder "I can get rid of him."

I smiled and placed my hand on his.

"It's okay."

I took a deep breath and headed toward the door. My heart ached for Christopher to be standing on the other side of the door. I hadn't seen or heard from him in over a month. I knew he was getting help, but I also thought he would be his typical rebellious self and find a way. Then the reporter's words came back to haunt me. _"What was your reaction to Chris leaving you for another woman while you are carrying his child?"_ I wanted him to be there just so I could spit on him and slam the door in his pretty, cheating face.

Placing my hand on the doorknob, I twisted and pulled. The urge to sob caught in my throat.

"Xander," I breathed out. He grabbed me into a hug.

"It's good to see you," he chuckled. I wiped away the tear I didn't want him to see.

With each passing day, anger was starting to replace the heartache I held for Christopher. I sighed quietly and put on my smile.

"How are you?" I inquired with a smile.

"I'm great, actually," he replied. "I've brought some things from Nobil."

He moved out of the doorway and a couple large men carried a boxed up cradle and some other baby gifts.

"Thank you," I said, smiling widely and wiping another tear away. "And thank Una for me, too."

Xander stayed for a couple of hours chatting. It was through him that I discovered Christopher would be out of rehab soon.

After he left, Kat, Lane, and I went to bed. That night I fell asleep dreaming once again of Christopher and wondering if he would show up here. _Did I want to see him?_

The next morning, I placed a call to Una. I needed another place to stay – somewhere secluded and secure.

Chris

I fought for two weeks against the fucking rehab Nicholas and Dr. J forced me into, but I eventually caved a little. In rehab, I'd been introduced to Doctor Sebastian. She was a specialist in anger management and had experience with troubled children. She and Dr. J. became my routine. One day was therapy with Dr. J, and the next was group therapy where I refused to participate. Then, there was a day of "group activity," and I would be damned if I was going to go hiking or whatever the fuck they did together. The end of my week was a rotation of Dr. S and Dr. J. They also assigned me a mentor for my stay.

Shay, my mentor, had turned out to be decent. She reminded me a little of Kat at times. Shay had come to rehab eight years ago, an aspiring model who had developed a drug and alcohol problem. It took three rounds and her finally stepping away from the pressures of fame in her prior life to get completely clean. Then, she decided to go back to school and work to help others get clean and healthy.

Four more weeks passed by, and I was finally able to sign myself out without Nicholas giving me hell. The therapy had been intense. Both Dr. J and Dr. S dug deeper into my past and forced me to face my anger problems. Even though I was now free, I still felt like shit and hated myself. I knew what I needed.

"I'm going to Whidbey Island," I said, sitting across from Nicholas in the car.

"She's not there," he answered quietly.

"What do you mean?" I fired back, panicked.

"I mean that she's not in Whidbey Island anymore," he answered, shrugging and starting to mess with his blackberry.

I smacked the blackberry out of his hand.

"Where the hell is she, Nicholas?" I growled.

"I don't know," he gave me a stern look, "And you are making me reconsider agreeing to your release from rehab."

"I'm not allowed to get angry at all now?"

"I don't know where she is. I just know she isn't at her house anymore."

He scowled and bent forward to pick his phone up from the car floor.

"Why don't I believe you?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I honestly don't know," he sighed heavily. "I know that she left not too long ago, perhaps a week."

I sighed and put my hand through my hair.

"Fuck!"

When we got to my house, I threw my things on my bed and sat down. I looked around my room. It was cold, empty, and didn't feel like home anymore. Grabbing my duffle bag, I pulled out my cell on the way to my car.

"Christopher, where—?" Nicholas' question cut off when I shut the door behind me.

First, I tried Mia, no answer. Serena, no answer. Laney, nothing. Then I called Jackson.

"Hey, man," he answered. "How are you, stranger?"

"Hey, Jackson, I'm okay. I'll be a lot better if you can tell me where—"

"I can't," he said quietly.

"What the fuck do you mean you can't?" I screamed into the phone.

"Honestly, I don't know where she is, Christopher. No one talks about where she went. They talk to her on the phone and when anyone visits her, none of us are invited," he answered.

"So, she's all alone?" _How the fuck could they let her be alone?_

"No, Kat's with her."

"Fuck," I groaned. "Who knows where to find her?"

"No one that would tell you, I'm sorry."

We quickly said goodbye and hung up. I was desperate, so I called Una. Surprisingly, she answered.

"Christopher?"

"Where is she?"

"You know I can't—"

"Please, Una. Please."

"I'll tell her you want to see her, Chris, but I can't guarantee she'll want that," she answered, very businesslike.

"Fine," I sighed. Knowing I wouldn't get anytbing else from her, I took what she was willing to give. For now.

I drove around for hours trying to figure out what to do. When I was close to the studio, I got an idea. I parked quickly and headed into the lobby. There she was. Her face lit up as I walked toward her.

"Hey, Chrissie," Tonya beamed.

"Hey, Ton," I replied and leaned onto the front desk.

"I haven't seen you for a while," she purred. I forced a smile. "Can I help you with something?"

She leaned forward and squeezed her arms under her breasts, pushing them up and giving me an easy access view down her shirt. I fought not to roll my eyes.

"I think you can," I said, smirking down at her.

After thirty minutes of coaxing her, I finally got into Una's office. Once Tonya was out of my way, I hurried through Una's things. There were a couple of files with papers about leased properties. I jotted down the information and left her office.

Before leaving the studio, I used Tonya's computer to do some research. First, I searched for Mia. Once the bright pink website was in my face, I saw her going into a restaurant located about an hour or so from Seattle. It looked like she was with Kat. _At least she wasn't in another state._

After a few more searches, I found the restaurant and decided I was heading in that direction. As I closed the multiple search windows, I stopped on one of the sites. My heart lurched when read the words underneath the photo.

' **Mia Ryder collapses at the news of her cheating baby daddy'**

My stomach knotted. I didn't want to read on, but I couldn't stop myself. Underneath the photo of Mia cradled in a security guy's arms was more information about her departure from a medical building.

' **When** **asked what her comments were about Christopher Mason leaving her alone and pregnant to run around with a hot, little red-head, she collapsed. Her muscle man was there to catch her and whisk her away from the crowd**.'

Then, there was a second photo. It was fuzzy and blurred from blowing up the size, but I knew who was in the picture. It was me, sitting on the deck with Shay. Those fucking douchebags had completely blown the whole scene out of proportion. I could only hope Mia hadn't seen this crap. And, if she had, that she didn't believe any of it.

Halfway through my drive, I received a text message from Una.

"I'm sorry, Christopher. She said she'll let you know about the baby when she's ready."

"Fuck that," I shouted to the empty car and tossed my phone into the passenger seat.

Finding a hotel near the restaurant, I forced myself to sleep for the night. It was a rough night filled with bad dreams.

The next morning, I went to the restaurant and then started doing some research around the town. It was difficult, since I didn't want to draw attention to myself. Once I got my hands on a laptop, I did a lot from my hotel room.

Spending about a week in the hotel, I found my lead when one of the leased properties in Una's file was only an hour away. The home was a very private, gated house leased out to celebrities and those looking for privacy.

"Ah hah," I shouted into my room. "I've got you now, baby!"

I packed up my things and quickly raced out of the hotel to my car. She didn't know it yet, but I was coming. I was going to do whatever I fucking could to get her back. First, I would apologize, once again, for the fucked up asshole I was. After that, I would bare my fucking soul to her. She is mine, my one and only, she and the baby completed me. I would walk on miles of broken glass if that were what it took. No matter what, I wasn't going down without a fight. I would fucking prove to her that I was better. I would go through hell or high water to show her how much better I would make everything for us.

After driving for hours, I was still trying to figure out how I was going to get to her. I was just moving on pure emotion. I didn't have a fucking plan, hopefully some shit would pop into my head when I got there. When I pulled up to the driveway, there were a couple of cars parked along the street. It was those fucking leeches. Their cameras were ready and aimed.

"Hey," one of them yelled and a car door slammed. "That's Mason!"

I pulled up to the gate and all I could do was press the button. _Think fast, Chris._

"Yes?" a crackled voice answered.

"I'm here to see Mia Ryder," I informed.

"There is no one here by that name," crackled back.

I rolled my eyes. Way to fuck it up already.

"Okay, then let me talk to Amy White," I persisted.

"One moment," was the response. A minute passed. "Your name, sir?"

I opened my mouth and froze after almost saying my own name. _That would have been fucking smooth. Note to self, figure out a fucking plan before you go balls to the wall._

"Nicholas Shaw" I blurted, quickly recovering. "Could you hurry? There are cameramen on my ass!"

I sat there, silently praying it worked. The gate started to retract.

"Yes!" I gave the ceiling of the car a victory punch.

As I drove down the long driveway, the sun disappeared behind the thick trees lining it. After a minute or two, there was a break in the darkness and the trees ended. Sunlight infiltrated the shadows, and in the middle was a large house. I hadn't expected the house to be so big, so nice.

Once parked, I jumped out of the car and ran toward the door. I knocked eagerly, met by the large and burly, also familiar, security guard. _Shit!_

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Christopher?" he said in a warning tone.

"Phillip."

"You aren't Nicholas," he stated the obvious, scowling at me.

"No shit," I replied sarcastically.

"Gerald warned me about you. You need to go," he said, starting to push the door shut.

"I'll leave only if Mia tells me to," I spat out and put my hand on the door, holding it open.

"I speak for Mia, so go!"

"No!" I shouted back.

"What the hell is goin –?"

My eyes snapped to Kat, who didn't finish once her eyes met mine.

"Kat, please," I begged.

She shook her head and stomped to the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she growled low.

"You know why I'm here!" I growled back. "Now let me in!"

I pushed forward, but Phillip put a hand on my chest, keeping me out of the door.

"Fine," I said, putting my hands up in surrender.

Then I smirked and yelled, "Mia! Please, let me talk to you!"

"Shhh! You asshole, she's asleep," Kat hissed at me.

"Then let me in and I won't shout again," I hissed back.

"Kat?" Her sweet voice carried into my ears. My stomach did a flip and my heart raced. "What's going –?"

And there she was, looking confused and afraid.

"What are you doing here?"

"Please, Mia. I just want to talk...please, baby?"

I shifted forward. She furrowed her brow.

"Christopher," the guard warned.

Kat rushed to Mia, putting an arm on her shoulder. Mia turned into her embrace and I could see the perfect round bump. _My baby. My Mia._

I hadn't realized I was crying until Mia appeared in front of me and placed a hand on my cheek. Once I finally realized she was so close, I pulled her to my chest and kissed her head.

"Oh God, Mia, I've missed you so much." I pulled back and kissed her.

"I love you so much," I spoke the words between kisses.

When she pulled away silently, I became worried.

"You shouldn't be here," she breathed out and walked away. I followed her into the house and grabbed her arm lightly, turning her to me.

"Mia –" she placed her finger on my lips. I kissed her finger before she could pull the finger away.

"Please, you should go. I'll let you know about the baby and keep you in the loop. I'll call you, okay?" she said. Her eyes were so sad.

"No. It's not okay," I replied, furrowing my brow. Anger filled her eyes.

"You'll go, now." She pulled herself away from my touch.

"I'm not going anywhere."

If she thought I was leaving her after just finding her, she was crazy.

"I just need –"

"I need you." Dropping to my knees, I placed my head against her stomach and wrapped my arms around her.

"I want to be with you, baby. I need to be with you, and should be here for you and the baby," I whispered, nuzzling into her.

I grabbed her limp hands and placed them on my head. When she let her hands fall away, I knew things were bad, really bad. I'd really fucked up.

"I love you, Mia, and I'm more than sorry for what I did. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and showing you that I'll never do it again."

I looked up to her face. Her eyes closed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Standing, I cupped her face in my hands, pressing my lips to hers gently. She pulled away.

"Chris, I can't deal with this right now."

"Mia, I'll never hurt you again. I swear."

"Please, just go. I just found out about her and need to process everything."

"Her?" I questioned. _Shit, the pictures_. She had seen them. "Mia, no. No, no, I'm not with her."

"But, you were," she said, shaking her head lightly and looking away from me.

"No, I wasn't. She was my mentor in rehab." Her eyes found my face again. I smiled. "There is and never will be anyone else."

"I don't –"

"They completely blew it out of proportion. Her name is Shay, and she was my therapy mentor. In fact, I still have her number in my cell if I need someone to talk to during rough moments. I'll call her now if you want. Hell, I'll invite her here to meet you. Lord knows she would love to finally meet the infamous Mia."

She turned her head away from me, eyes closed. "I can't do this, Chris. Just go."

"No, I won't."

Grabbing my phone, I immediately dialed Shay.

"Chris, don't. Please, just —"

"Hey, Chris, everything alright?" Shay had answered quickly.

"No, Shay, it's not."

Tears streamed down Mia's face.

"Do you need a session set up with Dr. J? Or do you just need to talk?"

"I need you to explain to Mia what you are to me."

"You need me to wha...Oh. Oh my, put her on the phone and I'll —"

"You're on speaker."

"Oh...okay. Mia, I'm a mentor from the rehab. I know it's probably hard to believe but —"

"I'm sorry he's put you through this embarrassment." Mia reached out and ended the call. "I can't believe you did that to her and to me. Do you know how embarrassing that was?"

"I need you to believe me."

Mia took my phone and pushed a couple of buttons.

"No, it's Mia." "Yes, he found me." "It's okay. Listen, I need to know who the redhead in the photos is."

After a few long minutes on the phone, it wasn't until she thanked Nicholas that I knew who she'd called. She studied my face for a long time, but said nothing.

"Mia—"

"I love you," she whispered and pressed her lips to my mouth. The smile that spread across my face couldn't have gotten any bigger.

"Thank you," I said, grabbing her face with both of my hands and kissing her – less gently than she'd kissed me.

She pulled away with a confused look on her face.

"For still loving me," I answered her silent question. "For not hating me."

Placing my hands on her stomach, I looked down at her expanded belly. With a smile, I looked back up to her face. Then I felt the nudge.

Filled with shock and amazement, I pulled my hand away. Mia giggled. I placed it back on her stomach and felt it again.

"Was that the –?" Before I finished, she was nodding her head with a nervous look on her face. I kissed her fervently.

"You should sit down."

I walked her over to the couch.

"I'm fine," she sighed, but let me move her anyway.

As soon as she sat, I dropped onto my knees between her legs. Placing my hands on her stomach, I just waited quietly. There was movement. It wasn't a quick bump. It was a slow rolling under her skin. Lost in amazement, I placed my head in her lap. Her fingers ran through my hair.

"Christopher?" she spoke softly.

"Hmm...?" I responded from my peaceful trance.

"Do you want to know the sex of our baby?"

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Mia

"Do you want to know the sex of our baby?"

"Y-you know?" he gasped and looked up at me in amazement and sadness.

I nodded.

"I found out at my last doctor's appointment," I said, biting my lip.

"Oh," he sat back on his heels, his hands resting on my knees.

"If you don't want –"

"I just wish I would've been there," his said, his brow furrowed. "I'm an idiot."

He put his head down on one of my knees and my hand instinctively went to his head.

"I'm so sorry about the way I acted, and that I haven't been here for you."

"Shh...it's okay. Kat's been a great help and –" his head snapped up.

"It should've been me, not Kat. I keep fucking up. I hurt you and then disappeared on you."

His eyes were a mixture of anger and sadness. I cupped his face with my hands.

"You'll be there for your daughter, though, and you know it."

"I'll try...did you say my daughter?"

A smile started to spread across his face. I nodded. Before the squeal left my lips, he'd lifted me up bridal style and started toward the stairs.

"Which door?" he asked with determination.

"Christopher, put me down," I growled.

"Which door? I'll kick them all open," he warned.

"End of hall, on the right," I growled back.

Once inside, he laid me on the bed and climbed next to me. Leaning on his hand, his face lined up with my stomach.

"My daughter," he whispered and sucked in his bottom lip. It was strange, but the click of his teeth against his lip piercings warmed me. It was a sound I knew too well and had missed so much.

He reached for the hem of my shirt and pushed it up. I grabbed it and pushed it down. He smacked my hand and pushed it back up.

"Stop," I groaned, pushing it down again.

"No, you stop," he chuckled pushing the shirt back up. "I can do this all night," he warned. I gave up, crossing my arms over my chest.

His nose slid across my skin while his hand glided around my stomach. The fingertip calluses of a guitarist gave me goose bumps.

"When will she move again?" he asked, his face buried in the flesh of my abdomen.

"When she feels like it," I lightly laughed.

"Well, when does it usually happen?" he queried, looking up from my stomach.

"When I want to sleep," I said flatly.

"Go to sleep," he laughed. I smacked his head.

"Hey!" he whined, feigning hurt.

"Kat has tried everything to get her to move on command, but that just isn't her style. It's on her terms."

"Just like her mother," he said, winking at me.

I stuck my tongue out.

"Now, see, you shouldn't have done that."

He climbed up my body and attacked my mouth. I pulled away to catch my breath as he placed kisses over my collarbone and into the crook of my neck. My fingers laced in his hair. He cupped my left breast with his hand and began to massage.

"Well, these have grown," he observed, smiling against my lips.

"You are such a –"

He ran his thumb over my sensitive nipple, and I moaned. He attacked my mouth again.

"Mia?" Kat called through the door.

Christopher groaned and rolled back to his position next to my stomach.

"Yeah," I called out breathlessly.

She walked into the room and grinned at Christopher.

"What's up?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really, why?"

"Well I was thinking –" Then she gave me a look.

"Mama Casa's?"

Kat giggled and nodded.

"Oh God, I love you!"

I rolled off the bed. Turning back to Christopher, who looked amused by my reaction, I asked, "You hungry?"

He chuckled. "Sure."

"Want me to place the usual order?"

I nodded. Christopher pulled me back down next to him.

"Don't leave me yet. Kat can order it," he said, snuggling back up to my side.

"Can we talk for a second?" I asked when Kat left the room.

"Of course," he said hesitantly.

"Are you still seeing Doctor J?" I asked, chewing on my lip.

"Um...I haven't since I left rehab, why?"

"I think you should continue to see him," I suggested.

"I'm good, Mia, I swear...now that I'm with you, I'll be even better," he tried to reassure.

"Christopher, you attacked him. I mean like animalistic attack," I reminded him, placing my hand on the side of his furrowed face.

"I'm glad you got more help, but you need to make sure you still see or at least talk to him over the phone."

"Okay, fine," he mumbled.

"No, Christopher, promise me you'll still see him. Please?" I begged, bringing my other hand up to the other side of his face. "Please?"

He covered my hands with his.

"Of course I will. How can I say no to you?"

He smiled and pressed his lips to mine.

Over the next few weeks, Christopher was with me every day. I worked on the song, and he started to work on it with me. Kat even sat in to play guitar a couple of times so we could work out the lyrics together. It was really coming together, even if we had to stop and argue every fifteen minutes.

Living together in a domestic situation was a revelation for us both. I learned a lot about Christopher. First, he was a slob, which was driving me crazy. I was a bit obsessive about having order and being clean, but he would leave his socks in the living room, clothes on the floor, wet towel on the bed, food wrappers and cups everywhere.

"You're an adult. Clean up after yourself!"

"It's just a cup. Why don't you have a maid around here to take care of the house?" he argued.

"Seriously? You're going to justify being a slob with the fact that you don't have a maid? Unbelievable! You are fucking unbelievable!" I snapped, stomping up the stairs.

Second, Christopher hated the smell of fingernail polish and remover. Hell, he hated the smell of everything. He would growl when I would paint my toenails.

"That shit smells horrible. I don't think you should inhale it while you're pregnant," he growled.

"Oh, shut up. It's just fingernail polish. I'm just thankful I can still reach my damn feet at this point."

He climbed out of bed with his pillow.

"I'll be on the couch," he snarled and headed toward the door. "Let me know when you're done poisoning my baby."

"Yeah, sure, that's what I'll do."

I rolled my eyes. When I was done, I left him on the couch.

Third, he couldn't stand the toothpaste tube squeezed from the middle. I made sure we got the kind in the plastic bottle going forward, because I wasn't going to listen to it.

Fourth, he was a sneaky bastard. It took an entire day for me to realize he'd hired a cleaning person. On top of that, he scheduled her hours so I would be less likely to run into her.

"Are you really that lazy?" I criticized.

"No, I'm that practical. I've had one for years. It's what I'm used to."

"How about you tell me about shit like this next time, so I don't just happen upon some random woman in the house?" I lectured before leaving him in the living room by himself. _This had to be the hormones._

There were so many things to learn about each other and get used to. At one point, he couldn't handle having sex with me because he thought it would hurt the baby. _Get the fuck over yourself._ I was about to snap. I was beyond sexually frustrated and he wouldn't do anything to help me.

Deep down, I knew I was over reacting, but part of me couldn't help but assume he wasn't attracted to me now that I was the size of a blimp. Every time he rejected my physical attempts, because of his fear, I would roll over and silently cry until it just got to be too much.

After one night where I practically begged him to touch me and he still couldn't do it, I got up and left. I ended up spending most of the night in the studio of the house playing the guitar and working on lyrics. I hadn't heard him enter, so when his hand touched my shoulder, I jumped.

"Don't do that!" I growled. "Do you want to send me into early labor?"

I was frustrated and snapping.

"What's going on?" he asked, kneeling beside me.

"Nothing," I answered curtly.

"Mia?"

"I couldn't sleep," I mumbled, shrugging. I continued to strum my guitar.

He grabbed the guitar and pulled it off my lap.

"What do you want from me, Christopher?" I huffed.

"I want you to tell me what the fuck your problem is," he insisted. "I get that you're emotional right now, but what is going on?"

"Nothing is going on. Nothing at all."

"What the hell does that mean? I don't do cryptic fucking messages, Mia, spell that shit out," he snapped, his tone laced with acid.

"You don't do forward advances either!" I snapped. "Look, just leave me to my guitar so I can work out my frustrations without taking them out on you."

I reached for my guitar and he grabbed my arm.

"What are you frustrated about?" he asked, his tone changed to worried and confused.

"A lot of things," I mumbled, still trying to get the guitar from him.

"Me?" he asked, his nervousness choking the question out of him.

"Christopher...please, just let me be. I really don't feel like arguing."

I slipped my arm out of his grip, picked up the guitar, and moved over to another seat to play. He sat there for a while staring at me, but I ignored him while strumming and writing.

"Mia?"

"Hmmm?"

"I can't make it fucking better if you don't talk to me," he snapped.

"There's nothing you can do to make it better, so don't worry about it," I said nonchalantly.

"Damn it! Talk to me!" he erupted, his hands hitting the floor. I turned around and looked at him.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I'm just completely...you're so damn frustrating."

He ran his hand through his bed head.

"Go back to bed, I'll be up in a little while," I said flatly and turned back to my lyrics.

After a few moments, he stood and left. Once he was gone, I cried. I knew I was being bitchy, but I just couldn't help it. Hours later, I couldn't think of anything but sleep, so I trudged to bed and quickly fell asleep.

The next morning, Christopher rolled over, wrapped his arms around me, and pressed the front of his body to mine. Not only was his hard body against my side, but so was the steel rod between his legs. I groaned internally and shifted away from him. He tensed.

"Okay, that's it. What the fuck is wrong?" he growled at the back of my head.

"It's too early," I groaned.

"Answer me. I can't take you cringing away from me."

The hurt in his voice was hard to hear. I sighed.

"I didn't cringe away."

"Okay. What the fuck would you call it then?" he demanded, rolling to his back, making the bed shake.

Rolling over, I propped myself up on some pillows while yawning.

"Shifting."

"Give me a fucking break!"

"Look, I could feel your dick against my side and you sure as hell aren't going to use it, so I needed to not feel that! Okay? Feel better now?" I yelled and got out of the bed. I'd stunned him into silence because he didn't say one word as I headed to the bathroom.

Standing in the shower, I let the hot water and my own fingers assist in easing my frustration. It'd started to become routine in order to get any release from the frustration. It still wasn't what I wanted. After showering, I went back out to the bedroom for clothes. Christopher was still lying on the bed. He looked over when I entered.

"What?"

"Nothing," he mumbled.

I grabbed some clothes and went back to the bathroom to get dressed. I slid on my clothes, but not before looking in the mirror at the completely unfamiliar and misshapen body. I wiped a tear away, pulled my hair up in a ponytail and decided to bury my feelings in food.

"Mia?"

"Yeah?" I turned at the door.

"I love you," he said in a hurt tone.

"Love you, too," I said flatly and went down to the kitchen.

I was sitting at the breakfast bar eating my second full plate when Christopher appeared next to me.

"There are still some pancakes over there," I offered, nodding toward the counter. I chewed on a bite, keeping my eyes on the open book next to my plate.

Before I could take another bite, Christopher swiveled me around in my chair, lifted my chin, and crashed his lips to mine. His tongue danced against my lips and I allowed him to continue his dance behind my lips. I almost moaned into his mouth, but he pulled away panting and smiling at me.

"W-what was that for?" I panted. He shrugged.

"Just because I love you," he replied, walking over and grabbing some food.

I finished eating and went to the living room couch, getting comfortable with my book. Kat appeared fully dressed with her bag.

"What's up?" I looked over her and the bag.

"I need to make a small trip," she smiled. "I'll be back in a couple of days, okay?"

I nodded. She kissed the top of my head and headed toward the front door. I went back to my book.

"Did Kat just leave?"

My eyes snapped up quickly to Christopher, who was freshly damp from the shower and leaning against a doorframe with a crooked smile. I could feel myself get hot just by looking at him.

"Yeah, she'll be back in a couple of days," I answered, smiling and turning back to my book.

I was about to finish a chapter about breast feeding when the book was pulled out of my hands, and Christopher placed himself between my knees.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"Nothing," he said and grinned, tossing the book. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my jaw.

"Christopher?"

He ran his hand to the back of my neck and firmly fisted my hair.

"Hmm?" The vibration against my jaw was almost too much.

"You need to stop," I groaned at my words and at his actions.

"Seriously, I can't take it," I panted.

"I want you," he growled. I pushed him back and looked into his face.

"What?"

"You heard me."

He smiled. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not going to guilt you into something you are uncomfortable with. It's okay, I took care of it."

Patting his arm, I tried to stand up, but he gently pulled me back to the couch.

"You took care of it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I raised my right hand and wiggled my fingers at him. His eyes widened a little.

"When?" he probed, voice full of curiosity and, I swear, excitement. Typical guy. I rolled my eyes.

"This morning."

He was about to open his mouth again, but I answered what I knew was his next question.

"Shower."

"When I was just out there lying in bed?"

I nodded and shrugged.

"I want you," he groaned, kissing me roughly before pulling back to look into my eyes. "I always want you."

He kissed me deeply and then pulled back again. "I was letting my stupid nerves prevent me from doing what I've been dying to do for weeks."

And, with that, he stripped us of our clothes and took me on the couch in the living room. My fingers had not done nearly close to what he could do to me. Our sweaty bodies were sticking together and to the couch when he pulled his head up from my bare chest.

"Can I watch next time?" he asked, raising a brow and grinning.

"You are such a perv," I laughed, shaking my head.

A week went by, and Kat returned to the house. She never said where she disappeared to, but I suspected she was giving Christopher and me some alone time. The weekend after her return, I began having those fake contractions I read about. They were worse at night, not painful, but annoying and uncomfortable. This was the reason the three of us were awake at one in the morning watching the Sci-Fi channel. When Chris' phone rang, we all looked at it in surprise. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes.

"What the hell are you calling so late for?" he growled. There was a long pause.

"You did what?" he exclaimed. "Are you fucking insane?"

Now both Kat and I were intrigued.

"Jim, you realize you hardly –" Chris shook his head. "Okay, okay, if this is what you want. I just hope it's not a mistake." Another pause, "Sure, we'll see you then."

Kat and I were looking intently at Chris.

"What?" he asked, tossing his phone back onto the table.

"What?" I looked at him in disbelief. "What was that about?"

"It was Jimmy." He shrugged.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "I got that, why is he calling at one in the morning. What did he do?"

"Apparently, he's a married man."

"What?" I asked, my eyes snapped to Kat.

"It's not me," she quickly cleared that up.

"It's that girl he met around New Year's, Natalia. They went to Vegas and got hitched."

"Is he crazy?" Kat jibed.

"Obviously," I responded.

A few days after the late night phone call, the newlyweds visited. Natalia had long, platinum blonde hair, blue eyes, fake breasts, fake tan, and was an aspiring bikini model. Based on her appearance, I wasn't surprised by her career choice. What stunned me was how damn smart she was. While we were talking one evening, I found out she'd graduated from UW with a double major - engineering and mathematics. She was crazy smart, and I felt like a judgmental asshole. Jimmy and Natalia visited for four days and spent three nights testing the endurance of the guest room bed. We could all rest assured that it, in fact, could handle heavy use.

May arrived. Christopher and I had finally gotten used to each other, and my sexual frustration was a thing of the past. We'd started to discuss names for our daughter, and Christopher's sessions were regular and going well– in person and over the phone. We discussed how we would manage our careers with a new baby, and introducing our families. The end of May brought with it an ease and relaxation, but it felt like something was lingering and waiting to happen.

Turns out, my natural instincts were the shit. Kat and I were going shopping for baby stuff, and I was on my way to meet her downstairs. A sharp pain sliced at my side. I took a deep breath and continued down the steps when it subsided. Another pain shot around my stomach, and once the wetness spread in my crotch, I knew I was in labor.

"Kat! Christopher!"

I tried to walk back up the steps. All the books said it was painful, but I could barely walk. They needed to be a little more realistic about this shit. I wanted to kill someone.

"Yeah?" Kat yelled, coming around to the bottom of the stairs.

Christopher appeared at the top of the steps. When he saw me sitting halfway down them, holding my stomach, he rushed to me.

"What's wrong?"

"Time...for...hospital," I panted, gripping the banister when another, stronger pain hit.

"Can you walk?" Kat asked. I shook my head, trying to breathe through the pain. Kat disappeared upstairs.

"What do I do?" Christopher asked me, but Kat answered.

"Sit there and stay with her. I'll get everything else."

Kat reappeared a few minutes later with my bag and a change of clothes.

"Christopher, help her down the stairs to the living room," she ordered.

Christopher carried me down the steps. I cried out in pain and a tear escaped my eye.

"I'm so sorry," he said in panic. I panted and tried to breathe. The pain was a part of this, but something felt off, wrong.

Kat slid my pants off and slid one of my dresses over my head. They helped me out to the car and Phillip rushed us to the hospital.

"Oh shit!" I balled up my fists.

"What can I do?" Christopher pleaded.

"Shut the hell up!"

I heard Kat giggle.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Mia...I'm so –" he was so not helping me.

"Shut up!" I screamed and grabbed his arm, squeezing. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

The pain subsided for a second. I tried to reclaim as much oxygen as I could before pain returned.

"Why did I let myself get in this situation?" I groaned. I inhaled and exhaled.

"'Cause you're a slut," Kat laughed.

"Fuck you," I laughed back.

"Hmmm...that would be how you got into this situation. Maybe you shouldn't go around –" I cut her off when I screamed. "Mia, is something wrong?"

Kat's face was full of worry.

Christopher

Finding her on the stairs sent a wave of alarm through me. Seeing her in that much pain, because of me, I wanted to fucking die. I couldn't imagine what she was going through, and, by the sounds of it, I never wanted to.

In the car, she seemed to be okay, joking with Kat through the inconsistent pain. All of a sudden, she screamed. It was blood curdling and Kat's face immediately turned to concern. I was now in fucking ultra-panic mode.

"Mia, is something wrong?" Kat asked.

Mia couldn't even respond.

"Drive faster!" I yelled, smacking the back of the front seat like that would make the car grow wings and fucking fly us there.

Phillip accelerated way past the limit at my command.

Arriving at the hospital, Kat ran in and came back with a nurse and a wheelchair. I helped Mia into the chair and we headed inside. There were photographers waiting for our arrival and I wanted to punch every single one of them in the goddamn face when I heard the camera shutters.

They situated her into a bed and attached her to some machines, assuring us, mainly me, that everything was okay. I needed to be strong for her, wanted to be strong for her, but I was a fucking wreck.

"I'm going to go make some calls," Kat said with a half-smile and walked out of the room.

Mia gripped my hand and squeezed when the pain hit. From the looks of the small monitor, she was feeling it full tilt. I cringed. I think my balls even shriveled a little.

"I'll never get you pregnant again," I said in a hushed tone to the side of her head before I kissed her temple.

"You're damn right you woohhnn'tttt....." she squeezed my hand tightly until the pain passed. "I may have to cut your balls off...I'm just saying."

I kissed her temple again.

Nurses came in and out of the room, friends and family started to arrive. I only left Mia's side when she forced me to get out for a few minutes. Nicholas and Jackson were keeping a close eye on me as I paced around nervously. John chuckled at my behavior and then reminisced about when Serena and Mia were born. Gwen and Serena kept trying to reassure me everything was fine, but something felt wrong. It was looming in the air around her. Fear was swimming inside of me. The doctor pulled me aside out of the room when I was about to walk back in.

"She is barely making progress and her contractions are very strong, so we may have to help this along soon." She smiled reassuringly. "Everything is fine, this happens."

I took a deep breath, trying to get my shit together, and nodded.

"What about the pain?"

"We're going to get the anesthesiologist down here to get her taken care of," she said. She smiled and walked away.

I took a deep breath, once again, trying to ease the worry from my face before I headed into the room. Mia was trying to rest. The lights were out, and she was on her side gripping the bed railing.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey," she whispered raggedly.

"I love you, Mia." She smiled at me and gripped the railing hard, but no noise left her mouth.

"Mia?"

She didn't respond and her arm fell slack onto the bed.

"Mia!" I screamed, grabbing her face. Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them away.

"Mia! Baby!"

A group of nurses rushed into the room and surrounded the bed.

"Sir," a nurse yelled, trying to move me out of the way. "Sir, you need to move, please."

"Mia, please, baby..." I cried and shook her.

"Sir!"

The doctor entered in swift motions. The nurse muttered words I didn't want to hear.

"Both her and the baby's stats have dropped."

"Get the OR ready," she ordered.

Two or three sets of hands pulled me away, prying my fingers from her, before I could snap out of it.

"Mia!" I pushed forward.

"Christopher," Jackson yelled. "Come on, let them work."

"Come on, man," Elliott coaxed. Then Jimmy was in front of me helping to get me out of the room. I fought against them.

"No! Let go! Mia!"

They pinned me against the wall. I struggled to get free, but then tried using the breathing techniques I'd learned in rehab to calm myself.

When they rushed Mia out of her room on a gurney, the breathing didn't work. I lost all control. The red haze filled everything. I started shoving at the arms restraining me. I had to get to her.

"Christopher, let them fucking help her, man!" Jackson grabbed at me. "They can't do shit with you on top of her. They'll come get you, just –"

I couldn't hear anything else because the haze now accompanied with a humming in my ears. Fury had won.

"Mia! Let me go!"

I broke free and started down the hallway, but felt a large mass against my back. Then I felt the cold wall against my cheek. I snapped my head toward Laney whose tears stained her face with black mascara. The arms around me tightened, but not hurtfully. It was an embrace.

"Let them help her." Nicholas' voice sounded rough.

"Mia," I broke into sobs. Gwen appeared next to me.

"Let him go," she ordered.

She pulled me into her embrace and sank against the wall with me. Rocking me like a child as I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Mia," I cried. "Mia."

"It will all be okay, darling. Hush now," Gwen said, trying to soothe me. "They'll take care of her."

"Son."

Nicholas knelt down and placed his arm on my shoulder. I tossed it off me.

"Mia!"

I moved to get up. Nicholas wrapped his arms around my chest again and pulled me to him, my back to his chest.

"Son, it will be okay," he said, holding me as I fought him, but I grew tired and defeated. I was losing her. I was going to lose them both. My life was crashing down around me and everyone was watching.

The wretched sob that ripped through my chest halted everyone in that hallway. I fucking collapsed, knowing, deep down, that I did this somehow.

**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Mia

Christopher had just spoken before the sharp pain shot from my back to my groin, and down my legs. Then I didn't feel anything. Darkness surrounded me and I felt at ease. I thought I heard Christopher's voice and I tried to tell him it was okay, but I couldn't. Nothing worked anymore.

I was aware of people around me. My body twitched and I shifted, but I couldn't feel it or see anything. Dread set in, but then a wave of calm took over again. I slipped further into darkness and calm.

Coldness crept over my body, starting at my toes. Slowly the cold moved over my ankles, up my legs, though my abdomen and chest. The chill crawled through my arms from my fingertips. As the coldness took over, my body started to twitch back to life. My jaw chattered my teeth together. I couldn't control the movements of my body. It was unsettling and panic consumed me.

Beeps caught my attention, and I started to count them, which helped bring me out of the panic. The twitching intensified to an uncontrollable shake, my arms hitting the bed railings. Then a thought occurred in the midst of my frustration. _My baby. Where was the baby? Was she okay? Was she with Christopher?_

During my silent questioning, spots of white started to appear. Slowly, my eyes began to crack open, flinching from the harshness of the bright light. I turned my head to the side and saw a woman in blue scrubs standing next to me.

"Hey there," she said with a smile. "Finally awake, I see."

Lifting my hand a little to shield my eyes, I felt a tug on my arm. The IV line attached to my arm was hooked on the bed railing. I tried to speak, but only coughed.

"Give yourself a minute, honey." She lightly rubbed my arm. "Let me grab you a little water."

She left my bedside, but returned quickly with a small white paper cup. She raised my head and held out the cup. I tried to reach for it, but my hands were still shaking too much.

"Here, let me help." She held the cup to my lips. I sipped.

"W-what happened?"

She smiled down at me. "There was a small complication, but everything is okay. I'm going –"

"What about the baby? Where is she? Is she okay? Where's Christopher?"

The beeping of the monitor increased.

"Calm down. Everything is fine. I'm going to call for your doctor and let her know you're awake. I also want to get approval to give you something for your withdrawal." She rubbed my arm as she spoke.

"Withdrawal? Why –?"

"You're coming down from the anesthesia. It's common and completely normal for your body to react this way." She smiled. "I'll be right back."

The nurse left, and my mind wandered to Christopher and our daughter. _Why wouldn't she tell me what happened?_ She said everything was all right, but, hell, that's what they always say just to keep you calm.

The nurse returned and put a syringe into my IV line.

"This will help with the shaking." Then she threw a blue blanket over me and I instantly felt the warmth. "The warmed blanket will help with the chills." She smiled before she walked away.

I suddenly felt exhausted. Even though I had so many unanswered questions, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I fell back into darkness and dream of a small baby wrapped in pink.

Not knowing how long I'd been asleep, I woke to the sound of voices around me. I blinked my eyes open slowly, trying to adjust to the bright light again. A white coat and blue scrubs stood next to the bed. The nurse's familiar voice sounded around me. My gaze shifted and there was my doctor.

"Well, I was wondering if you would wake while I was still here." She smiled and walked to the right side of my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Groggy, confused," I groaned.

"All reasonable," she chuckled.

"What happened? Where is my daughter? Where's Christopher?" The doctor cut me off in the middle of my question marathon.

"Calm down. I'm going to try and start from the beginning." I nodded eagerly. "Your contractions were strong, very strong. However, you weren't making any progress. During your heavy contractions the cord wrapped around the baby twice, which caused distress on the baby and you. You passed out during a strong contraction, so we had to rush you into the operating room so we could perform a cesarean section. We wanted to get the baby out as quickly as possible for both of your well beings."

She took a deep breath and sighed loudly.

"During our attempts to get you moved to the operation room, your boyfriend panicked and had a small issue." She stopped when she saw my eyes widen.

"Did he breakdown? Did he hurt anyone?" I grasped the bed railing tightly waiting for his answer.

"Yes he had a...a breakdown in the hallway. Family had to pull him from the room and keep him subdued." She hesitated again.

"Where is he?" I swallowed, hard.

"His doctor was called in and he was placed on another floor. I really cannot discuss anything else." I nodded, understanding.

"Where is my daughter?" Tears formed at the corners of my lids about to spill over.

"You need to understand that there was a lot of stress due to the situation –" The tears spilled onto my skin before she finished.

Christopher

I groaned and blinked, blinked and groaned. The bright white light caused a sharp pain in my head.

"Shit."

"Christopher?" I blinked a few more times until I focused on Gwen's face. "Christopher?" she asked again.

"Where...what...?" Everything came crashing back on me all at once. "Mia?"

I sat up quickly, but a wave of dizziness consumed me.

"Shh...Calm down...it's okay. She's fine." Gwen stood next to me now, holding me against her.

"Wh-what –?"

"Sweetheart, you had a small –"

"I know what happened. Where's Mia?"

"She's in her room. She came out of recovery yesterday and is waiting on you." I sat up again and yanked the blanket back.

"Christopher! Get back in bed."

I stood next to the bed and started to look for my clothes.

"Yesterday, how long have I been here? I need to go to her," I said sharply.

"No, you can't." I turned around to see her face.

"You have to wait until the doctor's release you." She saw my confusion. "Christopher you were sedated for over 24 hours. We had a doctor admit you into the hospital."

"Admitted? But –"

"You lost control." I saw a tear spill over her cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean –"

"I know, honey. We all know what caused it, but you have to wait. Doctor J will be here soon, and then the doctor on duty will come around. If all goes well, you'll be discharged by this afternoon."

She moved around the bed to where I was standing and helped me sit back down onto the bed.

"What happened?" I put my head into my hands. "Are they okay?"

Gwen sighed.

"Mia's in her room now and she's fine. Sore and a little tired, but fine. She had to have a cesarean section." She saw my perplexed expression. "They had to cut the baby from her."

I flinched in horror of the image in my head. Gwen patted my knee.

"It's okay, it's a frequent procedure, dear." She took a deep breath and was about to speak when Doctor J entered the room.

"It's good to see you awake," he said with a bright smile.

"Hey," I took the hand he held out and shook it.

"How are you feeling?" He stood against the wall in front of me.

"Okay, slightly confused."

"Those are all typical responses." He smiled.

Gwen excused herself from the room, kissing my cheek before she left.

"So, you think you're still 'better'?" he smirked.

"Okay, so I'm not as 'better' as I thought, but you have to admit I've made progress. At least give me that...come on." I grinned.

"Of course you've made progress, but you still need some help with resolving these anger issues. Stress brings it on, and we still need to work on that, agreed?"

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Agreed," I answered and lay back onto the bed.

"Well, we're going to set up a new schedule for getting together as well as some other therapies. You agree to this, and I'll sign off on your release." He didn't move one millimeter.

"Okay. Mia was going to make me –" _Shit, Mia._

"Can I go now? I need to see her."

"I'll go see where the doctor is in his rotation. Stay," he ordered, knowing I was not above sneaking out of this room. I put my hands up in surrender. Moments later, Doctor J arrived with the attending.

"Let me run a few quick tests." He smiled and checked my temperature, blood pressure, reflexes, and my eye dilation. He held small talk with me while he performed his check up and looked over my chart.

"Well, Christopher, you seem to be in working order." He smiled at me. "I hear you have someone waiting for you on another floor. Let's get you out of here."

He placed the chart back at the foot of my bed. "The nurse will be in shortly with your discharge orders."

"Thank you," I breathed in relief. I shook his hand and sat eagerly, waiting for the nurse to come back.

"Have you seen her?"

"Yes," Doctor J answered. "She's fine and waiting for you to come down."

"No one will talk about the baby," I said, anxiety pooling in my stomach, "Is she okay?"

"Mia has asked for me bring you to her." I could tell that that was all the response I would get. That had to mean something bad happened. "She also said to tell you, that you can only come see her if you promise to make your appointments with me."

I hadn't lost Mia, but had we lost our daughter? I was suddenly full of panic and distress at the thought. Tears started to flow.

"Christopher?" Doctor J sounded concerned. "Christopher talk to me, talk through it."

I heard what he was saying, but it was just too fucking hard. The thought of our daughter being gone, never being able to see her face or hold her, never being able to hear Mia sing to her, made my heart wretch. The haze formed over my eyes and the humming started in my ears.

"Christopher, come on, you can do this." My bed shifted. I took fistfuls of blanket. "Tell me about it, let it out. Let it out...do it for her."

And that was all it took. I sobbed.

"What if I lost her? What if we lost our daughter? What...?" I sobbed and grabbed a fist full of his shirt. "I-I don't know what to do...what if –"

"Christopher, calm down." he grabbed my wrists. "You haven't even talked to Mia yet. It's normal to feel all of these things. Let them out." He scooted a little closer. "Remember the calming exercises you learned at the center? Let's try one. Count with me."

We sat on my bed breathing and counting; eyes closed, eyes open. The haze dissipated slowly and my chest didn't feel like I was about to fucking implode anymore. As I was calming down, the nurse arrived. My emotions shifted to anxiousness.

"Well, Mr. Mason, it looks like we're kicking you out of here today." She smiled and winked at me. "You have someone waiting on you, I believe."

I smiled at the mention of Mia.

"Yes, yes I do." My smile broadened.

"I need you to sign these papers for me." She handed me a clipboard and showed me the different places to sign. "Alright, you can change back into your things and then you are free to go."

"Thank fuck!" I practically jumped up in the air and clicked my damn heels.

Grabbing my clothes, I tossed them onto the bed. I turned around and saw Doctor J still sitting there with an amused expression on his face.

"You going to watch me take my clothes off?" I raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. "I mean, I know I'm quite the specimen..."

"No more please," Doctor J chuckled. "I swear to God, you are so full of yourself." He laughed and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Once I was dressed, I practically ran out the door. Stopping me in my tracks was Nicholas, Jackson, and Doctor J.

"Son," Nicholas nodded and put his hand out to me. I took his hand and shook it.

"I'm sorry that –" I rubbed the back of my head. He stopped me before I finished my sentence.

"I think your attendance has been requested." Nicholas smiled.

"Mia?" I questioned with eagerness.

"Yeah, Bro, she's waiting for you." Jackson put his arm around me. We walked toward the elevators. "We told her we would come and spring you from the psych ward." He laughed.

"Jackson," Nicholas hissed.

"Thanks for performing the psycho heist," I chuckled. "Next time I need a jail break, I know who to call."

"No problem." Jackson smiled large. We walked onto the elevator, even though we were joking, I felt that I needed to say something to Jackson

"Jackson, thanks for –"

"No, no. I don't need a thank you." He patted my back.

The elevator doors opened and I pushed past Jackson and Nicholas to get out.

"Slow down," Nicholas laughed softly as I rushed down the hall.

I saw Laney standing with a large smile outside of a door and that's where I went.

"She's been waiting for you." Laney hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. I kissed her on her forehead before letting her go. Placing my hands on the doorframe of the closed door in front of me, I took a deep breath. This was it. The moment of truth about our daughter, that no one would talk about.

"Go on, boy, she's waiting." Nicholas chuckled. I pushed the door open and entered the room.

The room was dim. I slowly walked toward the bed. The foot of the bed was the first thing I saw. As I got closer, I saw the small bump of Mia's feet and then the long length of her legs covered in a blanket. When I reached her head, I could see she was lying with her eyes closed and possibly sleeping.

It took everything in me not to rush to her and pull her into my arms. Instead, I stood there just watching her sleep. I leaned to the side thinking the wall was there. I missed by about two inches and ended up bumping into a table with wheels like an asshole. There was a loud clang and a gasp. I looked up and saw Mia giggling quietly.

"What are you laughing at?" I grinned.

"You," she smiled. It was the best sight I could ask for.

"Are you okay?" I asked, walking toward her.

She nodded.

"What about the baby? No one will tell me anything and –"

"I wanted to be the one to tell you." She bit her lip. Moisture built in my eyes and I dropped my head. "Christopher, would you like to meet your daughter?"

I snapped my head up. Mia slipped her hands under a large bundle of white blanket and then cradled it in her arms. When the bundle moved and Mia shifted the blankets, I could see the soft pink skin.

Walking closer, I could see the top of her head and then the curve of her cheek. Tears of joy replaced my tears of fear. More joy than I could ever imagine.

"Get over here!" Mia laughed.

I moved quicker and sat on the bed next to her. She held the bundle out to me.

"I don't think I –"

"Oh, bullshit, put your arms out," Mia ordered, and I did as she said. She placed the tiny warm bundle in my arms, and my daughter made small grunting noises.

"Did I hurt her?" I panicked.

"No, she makes noises." She laughed. Looking over my arm, Mia stared down at her rosy cheeks and dark hair sticking out in all directions. "Tell daddy hi, Maggie."

I looked over at Mia, who looked at me nervously.

"W-what did you call her?"

She swallowed hard.

"Umm...meet Margaret Ann Mason, your daughter."

I couldn't believe she'd given her my mother's name. I was so thrilled I didn't know what to say or do.

"Y-you aren't upset, are you?" She bit her lip nervously. Leaning over, I kissed her hard. Pulling away from the kiss and pressing my forehead to hers, I whispered.

"I couldn't be fucking happier if I tried. Thank you." She exhaled in relief and smiled.

The nurse came in at one point to take Margaret, my daughter—I couldn't stop saying it, even in my own head—back to the nursery for her check up with the doctor. I rolled over and wrapped my arm around Mia.

"Owww!"

I jerked back when she gasped in pain. Her hands were clutching her stomach.

"What? What did I do?" I shot up and panicked.

"Watch my stomach." Then she unclenched her eyes and looked at my face. She patted the bed next to her. "You have to avoid my stomach area for a while."

"Oh shit! I completely forgot. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, just be careful."

Lying back down, I took her hand in mine. Bringing it to my chest and holding it there. We lay there together for a while in comfortable silence when another nurse appeared.

"Time for your check up."

"Do we have to?" Mia groaned. The nurse laughed.

"You need to move, mister." She smiled at me. I got up.

"You may want to leave," Mia said in a warning tone.

"I've been away long enough. I'm not going anywhere."

"I warned you," she said as she lay back.

The nurse pulled down the blanket and lifted up the hospital gown. There was a large white bandage over her stomach, until the nurse moved it away. My eyes widened when I saw the swollen red line of skin. It was puffy and there were tiny, clear strips about every half inch. Mia clearly caught my expression.

"I told you," she laughed.

"Shut up, I'm fine. I just didn't...expect that." I motioned toward her exposed stomach. She laughed again, flinching from discomfort.

After all the nurses and doctors had done their thing, we were back in bed together. With our daughter in Mia's arms, she nursed her. I lay on my side with my head in the palm of my left hand. The fingers of my right hand rubbed the side of Maggie's head while she fed.

I couldn't believe how amazing it was to watch Mia breastfeed our daughter. It was beautiful, unreal, and sexy as hell. I didn't know when I could or when Mia would even let me touch her again, but my body was aching.

The next afternoon, I arrived back in Mia's room after showering and changing my clothes. I also had asked Jackson to stop and pick up some food on the way over. The hospital food was fucking killing me. _Aren't they supposed to be all about health and shit?_

"Oh, my God, are those French fries?" Mia squealed in delight when I came in carrying the familiar food bags.

"Yes, they are, but you aren't supposed to eat them," I scolded.

"You can't bring those in here and not let me eat them," she pouted.

"What about Maggie, huh? Do you want her to eat French fries?" I laughed.

"AhhGhh! Why did I let you sit in while the nutritionist went over the restrictions for breastfeeding?" She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at me. "It's not fair that I have to carry the child, give birth, have the scars and the stretch marks, and now I can't even eat a French fry, while you do nothing."

I laughed and shook my head.

"Okay, I'll share my fries." I climbed on the bed next to her and handed over some fries.

"Damn, those are good!" she exclaimed with a mouthful of fries.

"Hey, watch your mouth. Our daughter can hear you." I nodded to the little bassinet Maggie was laying in next to Mia's bed. She smacked my arm. Then, she cleared her throat.

"We need to figure out what we are going to do."

"About what?"

"Well, I'll be in Whidbey Island and you are obviously more than welcome there. But, that would be hard with the lack of space. Maggie needs her own room, too, eventually."

"What about my place?"

"Uh, your place is a bachelor pad."

"Yeah, true." I shrugged and realized what she was saying.

"I would like to stay close to my family, so I'm thinking about just trying to find another house in Whidbey Island." She shrugged and stole another fry.

"Uh...we work mostly in Seattle, why wouldn't we go there?"

"Christopher, I don't expect you to live there or to live with me on a permanent–"

"Are you fucking serious?" I looked at her in shock. "Do you think I would spend one day away from you and Maggie if I can help it?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything...It's just we never talked about the after part." She put her head back.

"I know," I said quietly. "I didn't mean to snap at you." I kissed the back of her hand. "I just need you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

I watched a single tear fall over her cheek. I wiped it away and kissed her. "Thank you," I whispered against her lips.

"No, thank you," she whispered back and then pressed her lips to mine.

Mia fell asleep not too long after we talked. We hadn't resolved anything, and she was leaving the hospital in two days. Climbing off the bed, I walked over to the bassinet. Cradling Maggie in my arms, I sat down in a chair with her.

As I sat taking in every curve of her face, the way her mouth puckered when she slept, and how her breathing felt against my arms, I found solace and inspiration. When the idea popped into my head, I kissed my little muse before placing her back in her mobile bed.

It took everything I had in me to leave, but I did it. I kissed Mia's forehead before I headed out the door. There were people to call, arrangements to make, and things to get done.

I made sure I was back before she woke up the next morning, but I told her I had some errands to run in the afternoon. Arriving back before dinner, I spent the rest of the evening with her and Maggie. Gwen wasn't happy, but I completely monopolized my daughter.

The following morning we woke up and prepared for Mia and Maggie's discharge from the hospital. Mia was antsy to get out of the hospital. She was trying to dress quickly, but couldn't do it without a little help. Watching the pain on Mia's face with each step she took crushed me. I hated to see her hurting, and I especially hated that I was the cause.

The nurse helped her into a wheelchair after she dressed Maggie in a bright pink Onesie with the picture of a guitar and "Let's Rock" printed underneath. Then, there were the little black and white striped pants and bright pink shoes, all courtesy of Aunt Laney.

When Maggie started to grunt in protest of the shoes, Mia informed her that Aunt Laney had gone through a great deal of trouble to find her the perfect outfit for a rock princess. Maggie grunted again. I bit back a laugh.

Once my little girl was in her full rock princess gear, Mia strapped her into a car seat. I picked up Maggie's seat while Jackson, Kat, Serena, and Elliott grabbed the bags, the flowers, and the gifts. We headed to the awaiting car.

To avoid the reporters and photographers camped out at the hospital exits, we arranged to use a private parking floor of the hospital garage typically reserved for doctors only. Mia was relieved Maggie wouldn't be subjected to all of the photographers just yet.

I helped Mia into the car and then helped her strap Maggie in beside her. I climbed in on the opposite side of Maggie. Mia and I stared at Maggie while holding hands during the car ride.

I figured it would take at least an hour before Mia got curious, but she'd been distracted by Maggie and she dosed off for a bit. So, it ended up being an hour and a half before she started looking around out the windows and turned to me with a confused expression.

"Christopher?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Yes, dear?" I fought a grin.

"Where are we going?" She looked a little worried.

"It's a surprise." I winked and put my head back on the seat.
Chapter Twenty-Nine

Mia

We pulled up to the familiar scenery and my curiosity reached its peak.

"Why are we going here?" He didn't respond. "Christopher?"

"What is it about surprise don't you understand?" He grabbed my hand lying on the side of Maggie's car seat.

"I already know where we are going. I asked why?" I pursed my lips and raised my eyebrow at him.

Sounds of voices yelling for us took my attention away from the conversation.

"Is it a girl or boy?" "What did you name the baby?" Even with the tinted windows, I got nervous and draped a blanket over Maggie's seat.

The driver passed by the photographers quickly through the opening gate. Phillip smiled widely when we pulled up to the house.

"We're here." Christopher smiled and got out of the car before I could say another word.

Christopher opened my door and helped me get out. My abdomen was still sore as all hell, and it was clear I needed another painkiller. I swear I was going to track down those baby book authors and pull their teeth out. This shit wasn't in any of the chapters I read. Neither was the grossness of the incision area.

"You okay?"

I nodded, holding onto the open door while Christopher got Maggie from the car.

"Christopher...?" I whined. He kissed the side of my head and walked us toward the house. "Are we staying here longer?"

I wasn't objecting, but we would need to get the baby stuff sent to this house. Christopher walked us to the front door and held up a large silver key chain that read HOME. I furrowed my brow.

"Here's your key." He smiled widely.

"My key?" Maybe it was the drugs or the recent childbirth, but I wasn't catching on. "Christopher, I –" His lips pressed to mine.

"Welcome home, Mia," he whispered and pulled back.

"You bought the house?"

He nodded with excitement, though there was a touch of nervousness.

"You bought the house." This time I whispered a statement, not a question.

"I bought us the house. Maggie, you, and I, our family, this is our home."

His eyes moved to Maggie. The love that filled them made tingling warmth spread through my chest. He was so in love with his daughter.

"Christopher...I don't know what to say." My heart swelled. Wrapping my arms around him, I pressed my lips to his cheek. I immediately cringed from pain in my abdomen. He wrapped his arm around me to keep me up.

"Easy now," he said with a smile. "Let's get my girls inside."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and he guided us into the house. Our house.

"Oh..." I stopped short just after we entered.

"What, what's wrong?" Holding tighter onto my waist, he looked me over.

"We need to call Serena so she can have the baby stuff brought here, and I'll definitely need the bassinet, at least, for tonight."

He started to chuckle and nudged me to keep walking.

"What's so funny?" We stepped around the corner of the entry.

"Welcome Home!"

Maggie started to fuss. I looked around the room and saw Laney, Nicholas, Gwen, John, Linda, Amy, and Ryan standing in the living room, smiling at us. I smiled back, brightly.

Maggie's fussing became worse, so Christopher sat her on the table. I took her from the carrier and cradled her. Placing her against my chest, I rubbed her back. Christopher kissed the top of her head.

"Welcome home, princess," he whispered against her head.

Gwen and Linda descended upon us quickly.

"Oh my, she's so tiny, isn't she?" Gwen whispered, running her fingers over one of Maggie's cheeks.

"She's beautiful," Linda said, rubbing Maggie's fuzzy head.

"Just like her mother." Christopher kissed the top of my head.

"I dunno. That's not my hair."

He laughed. Grinning, I brushed over the spiked pieces of dark hair on her head.

"Mia," Laney danced up to me. "There's so much to show you, but, first, you have to see one special room." She was bouncing uncontrollably.

"Calm down, Laney," Christopher chuckled. "We'll get to that."

"I'm just so excited," Laney cheered.

"Should I be worried?" I raised my brow at Christopher.

He rubbed the back of his head.

"Umm...I kind of recruited Laney to help out with Maggie's room."

He looked at me through his lashes. My eyes widened, because all I could think of was that Laney had probably created an entire room that looked like someone had puked Barbie pink all over.

"Oh," was all I said.

"Come on, you'll love it." Laney beamed. Grabbing my arm, she started pulling me. "I know you better than you think."

"Easy. Laney, she's sore." Chris took Laney's hand from my arm, a scowl on his face.

"Oh crap! I'm sorry," Laney apologized, cringing.

"It's okay, let's just take it slow." I smiled small and walked toward the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, Laney stopped in front of the bedroom door next to the master bedroom. I took a deep breath before she opened the door. I gasped, entering the room.

"Oh, Laney," I breathed.

"You like it?" I couldn't speak. "If you don't, we can change –"

"Laney, it's gorgeous." I reached my free arm around her and hugged her to my side.

"Really?" A tear started to roll over Laney's cheek.

"Of course," I assured with a smile.

"Great," she exclaimed. "I'm so glad you like it. It's called Guinevere."

What I had assumed about Laney's nursery vision was completely wrong. The walls were painted a light cream color with a light sage trim. The floor was carpeted in light beige. The crib looked as if it was straight out of the renaissance. A solid headboard and foot board with beautiful moldings at the top and bottom, with a painting of pink roses in the middle. It was an antique cream color with the same sage green trim. The bedding was cream, coral, and light copper. A dresser and changing table that matched the crib sat on the opposite end of the room. The canopy over the crib was cream colored and draped beautifully down the four, sage green posts. It was perfect. Feminine, but not pink. It was perfect for my princess.

"It really is perfect. Thank you." I kissed her cheek.

By the time we'd gotten downstairs, Kat, Elliott, Jackson, and Serena had arrived. I went into an empty room to feed Maggie before handing her over to Gwen, who'd been twitching to hold her since we got home. Then I excused myself to shower.

Taking off my clothes, I looked into the large mirror. My body had definitely changed. Sighing, I climbed into the shower and let the warm water cascade over me. Reaching for my body wash, the familiar surroundings felt good. I let myself process everything that had happened over the past few days. I hadn't even realized I was crying, all the emotions pouring into the steamy water.

"Mia?" Christopher knocked repeatedly. I quickly rinsed off my face, rubbing easily.

"Yeah."

"You okay?" The door closed behind him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I turned off the water and stuck my hand out, keeping the rest of my body hidden. "Can you hand me a towel?"

I heard his movements, but jumped when he pulled the shower door back.

"Why are you hiding?" He grinned.

"Give me the damn towel!" I grabbed for it, but stretched a little too far. A sharp pain tore through my incision area.

"Fuck," I growled through clenched teeth.

"Be careful." He wrapped the towel around me. "Seriously, why are you hiding from me?"

He helped me out of the shower. I groaned.

"Like it isn't obvious that my body is destroyed," I said, rolling my eyes.

He huffed and moved in front of me, lifting my chin so I looked into his face.

"Amelia Ryder, you're fucking beautiful."

I snorted.

"You don't believe me?"

"Oh, yeah I believe that my flabby, puffy stomach is so freaking hot, especially with the large incision mark and stitches. Playboy, here I come!" I said, trying to mask my angry insecurities with humor.

"First of all, you just had a baby, my baby. I'm the reason for all of the changes in your body and the fucking incision," he argued.

I was about to speak when he placed his hand on my mouth.

"I don't want to hear you talk about this again. I think you're even more beautiful than ever. In fact, the moment you placed our daughter to your breast, I was enamored by how beautiful you were and got a raging hard on. It was a really confusing moment for me," he smiled before turning serious again. "I know I can't touch you yet, that I can't show you how fucking gorgeous you are and how you make my body feel, just know that I want you, baby. And, as for Playboy...that will never fucking happen, if I have any say about it."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"So, Playboy is out for me?" I grinned.

"Mia..." he used a warning tone. "No one is going to see your body, but me."

"Trust me, no one would want to," I snorted.

Walking into the bedroom, I could feel Christopher close behind me. I went into the walk-in closet and changed into something comfortable. Chris walked me downstairs to our family.

At the bottom of the steps, I could smell food and my stomach growled. Christopher chuckled from beside me. Walking into the kitchen, I saw containers of Chinese food sitting on the counter. Grabbing a plate, I piled on some steamed vegetables, rice, and a little soy sauce. I knew it wasn't on the Nutritionist's list of approved foods, but, damn it, one plate wasn't going to hurt anyone.

Christopher appeared with his own plate and sat on the floor between my legs. I looked across the room and saw Elliott holding Maggie. He sat stiffly like he was afraid he would to hurt her.

"Give her to me. She misses her aunt."

Serena reached over and took her from him. Elliott looked happier to sit Serena on his lap while she held Maggie. Ryan climbed up and sat staring at the baby in Serena's arms.

"Mommy, can we have a baby?" Ryan's face was full of curiosity.

"W-what?" Serena stuttered.

"I want a baby." He looked at her excitedly. Elliott coughed loudly, and the rest of us started to laugh.

"Uh...Ry, I think we could just play with Maggie for a while, okay?" Serena suggested, smiling at the pouting boy.

"No. I want one at our house!" He plopped down into the couch. Serena rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Good luck with that, Elliott!" Jimmy snorted before busting into laughter.

"Is Elliott going to have a baby?" Ryan looked confused, but excited. We laughed harder. Elliott's face reddened. Serena tried to change the subject with the idea of swimming.

After a few hours, everyone left except for Nicholas and Gwen. They were staying with us for a couple of days. John, Linda, Serena, Elliott, and Ryan left for Whidbey Island together. Laney, Jackson, Jimmy, and Natalia headed to Seattle. It was hard to watch my family leave; hard to see us all going separate ways, but one glance at Christopher cradling our baby made it easier.

I took Maggie into our room, with Christopher close behind me. I wasn't ready for her to sleep in her own room yet, and planned to use the bassinet. Christopher took a shower while I fed Maggie. While Maggie suckled, I placed my head back against the headboard and closed my eyes. Not hearing Christopher come out of the bathroom, I was startled when his body weight caused the bed to shift.

"Sorry," he apologized.

I shrugged, careful not to disturb Maggie.

Christopher ran his fingers over Maggie's head and cheek as her suck slowed. Then, his fingers trailed over my breast and up around my neck. Cupping my neck, he leaned up and kissed me passionately. His tongue entered my mouth, but then he pulled himself away. I smiled at him and cupped his face.

"Christopher, we need to talk." I watched his face turn from joy to worry. A twinge of guilt passed through me. "It's not bad. At least I don't think it is. I just want to talk about what happened in the hospital."

"Mia, I thought I'd lost you and our daughter, or even just one of you. I lost control," he sighed.

"I understand, but what are you going to do about it?" I swallowed hard, not wanting to start a fight by choosing the wrong word.

"Doctor J made a convincing argument. I start my sessions more frequently for a while, and perhaps try out some other forms of therapy as well." He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

"This is important. I know you're trying, but you act so casual about it sometimes. It's hard for me to think you're really working on this." I furrowed my brow at him. "I need to know, for sure, that you're serious about your therapy, or this," I motioned between the three of us, "will never work."

Moisture pooled in my eyes. He cupped my face quickly.

"Nothing is more important to me than you and Maggie. I promise, I'm serious about continuing with Dr. J. I'm just so sick of always being so serious about it; it just helps to not think of it as the giant fucking elephant in the room. I know I still have work to do, baby, I've already gotten my therapy sessions scheduled with Dr. J's assistant. If you want to see my session schedule, I'll gladly show it to you. If that's what it takes to make you feel better, I'll do it." I shook my head.

"No, I believe you. Just please, don't stop going," I pleaded. He kissed me tenderly.

Laying Maggie into her bassinet, I turned and climbed into Christopher's welcoming arms.

Christopher

Sleeping next to Mia had always put my mind and body at ease. Feeling like I has lost them both, nearly fucking killed me. They were my whole universe. Nothing would ever take them away from me and I would never do anything to lose them.

Maggie started to stir after only a few hours. Sliding out of bed, I picked her up, hoping I wouldn't have to wake Mia to feed her. In the morning, we were going to have to find a way for me to help with night feedings.

I cradled my miraculous little bundle in my arms and rocked her back and forth. She was still slightly fussy, so I started to sing one of my songs. Thankfully, she was way too young to understand the lyrics, but the slow beat was like a lullaby. It seemed to work, because she fell back to sleep. Not wanting to put her down yet, I savored each small breath she made.

Finally, kissing her head, I put her back down before sliding back into bed next to Mia.

"That was beautiful," Mia murmured, shifting closer to me.

"I thought you were asleep." Her side pressed against mine.

"Mmm...I heard Maggie," she mumbled.

"Get some rest," I whispered, rolling onto my side and taking her hand.

About an hour later, Maggie was awake, and when I say awake, I mean she was fucking awake and screaming it to the world. I picked her up while Mia gingerly moved to sit up. I hated seeing her in pain. I rocked and cradled, but Maggie wanted nothing to do with me.

"I'll take her," Mia said, sitting up with her arms out. I handed Maggie over and she immediately calmed.

"Can you hand me that bag over there?" Mia pointed to the large green diaper bag.

"What do you need?" I asked pulling the bag open.

"A diaper, wipes, and that white tube, please? Oh, and the white mat under the bag."

I brought everything over and Mia set it up. White mat on the bed in front of her, Maggie on the mat, old diaper off, wipes used, clean diaper on, Mia pulled the little nightgown down. It amazed me she knew instinctively what to do. It was like she'd been born with this information. I was in awe.

"Can you hold her while I go to the bathroom?"

I hesitantly nodded, afraid Maggie would get mad again. I was right. Mia was only gone for two minutes and Maggie started to cry. I cradled, patted, and walked. Nothing worked. Mia appeared and took Maggie, she was almost instantly better.

"How do you do that?" I exclaimed. "She hates me."

I pouted and sat next to Mia and Maggie on the bed.

"She doesn't hate you." Mia chuckled and shrugged. "She just knows I'm her mother."

"It's your touch," I said with a grin.

"Huh?" Mia furrowed her brow as she moved her shirt over for Maggie.

I fell into a trance. I found it unbelievably hot when Mia breastfed. It was the most naturally beautiful thing I'd ever witnessed, though I'm pretty sure it had more to do with it being my Mia. I shook myself out of my trance so I could answer.

"You know...your touch. It's calming. Like father, like daughter." I chuckled quietly.

Mia shook a little in silent laughter. I spent the next half hour lying next to her, simply watching her with our daughter.
Epilogue

Christopher

"So, how are things?" Dr. J sat across from me in the studio.

"Good," I say, giving a small shrug and playing with one of the knobs on the sound table.

"Just good?" he pressed, like always.

"Yeah, just good," I growled. Being up at five in the morning to make this face-to-face session happen after being up until three with Maggie, I'm pretty much on the verge of murdering someone.

"Christopher, it's too early and I have some serious jetlag. How about we cut to the chase and you tell me how things have really been? Maggie has been home for a couple of weeks, right? That has got to be taking some toll on your sleep and emotional being."

Dropping my head back onto the chair, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"It's been...different."

Lifting my head from the chair, I meet Dr. J's scrutinizing expression.

"I don't get more than four hours of sleep at night. Which, by the way, I was a pro at before, but I also didn't have a screaming baby, dirty diapers, and a woman who could possibly burst into tears just because I breathe the wrong way." Groaning, I sit forward, elbows to knees. I rubbed my face with my hands. Dropping them down to dangle between my knees, I look back at Dr. J. "This shit is fucking insanity."

Dr. J nods. "It can all be overwhelming. How is Mia handling things?"

"Christ, she's like a different person sometimes." Shaking my head, I still keep contact with his eyes. "Don't get me wrong. There is nothing that could make me love her any less, not even when she's hiding the fact that she's crying or when she is giving me a look that could fucking kill a lesser man."

"I have no doubt of your love for her or each other." Dr. J straightens a bit in the chair. "But, how are you two doing together? Are you discussing any issues or concerns, your stresses and worries?"

"Do you want me to keep my balls, man?" Pressing my palms to my thighs, I straighten, giving him a questioning look.

He chuckles.

"I'm not promoting an argument, just that you discuss things. Ask her how she feels or how you can help her. Go from there. It's good to stay open and keep clear communication."

I nod in agreement. He's right, of course. Fuck, I need to keep us on track. It's my turn to be the strong one for her.

"Mia will have a tour coming soon, right? Hushed Mentality is headlining?"

"Yeah, they will be gone for a six month tour. It's still a while off. The label is being very cooperative with Mia over the baby. The fans are a bit anxious, but also really understanding."

"How are you feeling about the extended separation?"

"It won't be that fucking extended of a separation. I already have the label and the personal assistant prepared to work around the tour schedule. We may have, at most, a week apart. There may be one or two scheduled dates that leave us with a little more separation, but I won't miss out on Maggie or being there to support my girl."

"Okay, but what about the time you will spend apart?"

"I'll fucking hate every second of it. I'm not gonna off myself, if that's what you are getting at."

"No, Chris," he snorts, "that is not what I am getting at. I'm just curious about how you'll handle your interrupted nights."

"My nights are fine."

"So, other than late nights with the baby, how are you sleeping?"

"When I get to sleep, it's okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah." I shrug. "I had a rough dream a week ago, but it wasn't anything like before."

"Tell me about it." He relaxes back into the chair, waiting.

"I walked around the house and couldn't find anyone. Not Maggie, Mia, Giana, no one. I panicked and started going through every room. When I got to Maggie's room, it was empty. There was nothing."

"An empty room?"

"No, it was just nothing. Like a black hole of space." Swallowing down the emotions brought back from this retelling, I continue. "I started yelling for them, for anyone, but nothing. That's when I realized that I _knew_ I was yelling, but I couldn't even hear myself."

"Hmmm." Dr. J took a deep breath.

"Hmmm? That's it, really?"

"How did you feel when you woke up?"

"Panicked. When I realized that Mia wasn't in bed, I ran for Maggie's room. They were there, both asleep in the rocker."

"Did you sleep after that?"

Dropping my gaze, I focused on a spot on the carpet. "Not right away. I stood in the doorway for a while watching them. I felt like if I walked away, the room would turn to nothingness."

"Everyone gets the 'It's too good to be true' feeling and the fears that come with that." He paused and I looked to him again. "It's a natural response, Christopher. Actually, I'm glad you're feeling these things."

"Thanks, Doc. I feel like a bundle of fucking rainbows and sunshine knowing that my nightmares make you happy." Rolling my eyes, he laughs.

"Let me explain."

"Can't wait to hear this one." Placing my right elbow onto the sound table, I lean onto it.

"The fact that you are experiencing panic and fear, without a meltdown or in the extreme measures you have in the past, is a big breakthrough. It's a positive sign, Chris."

I nodded. It made sense.

"So, how is recording going? I see the studio is being broken in nicely." He gestured to a poster on the wall with the latest of Elliott's targets to throw darts. This one a currently popular sixteen-year-old boy whose hooks were the same word sang repeatedly. For lack of vocabulary alone, Elliott deemed him target material.

I smiled.

"Yeah, we're doing well. The Forgotten picked up a new artist to produce. Mia gets her time in down here to work as well. I'm hoping we can start to get her down here more over the next few weeks. I think it would help her."

"Wow, Christopher Mason is thinking of someone else's wellbeing. Who would've thought?" Dr. J winked.

"I know," I snorted. "Fucking scary, ain't it?"

"We have a little more time, is there anything else—"

"Actually, I've been thinking of talking to Mia about each of the sessions. I know she is worried I'll decide I'm better or some shit like that, like anything could ever fix my kind of crazy. What are your thoughts?"

By the look on his face, Dr. J had not been ready for my question.

"You think it's a bad idea?" I sat up straighter.

"No, no, I just can't believe you're asking permission." He grinned.

"Oh, I'm not." I smiled wide. "I'll still do it, regardless."

"There, that's more like it." Dr. J chuckled. "If you are comfortable with discussing our sessions with Mia, by all means, do it. However, I can't discuss the sessions unless you give permission for me to do so. Just keep that in mind."

"Are you fucking serious?" I paused. "I have a family and I owe it all to that beautiful woman who silenced the nightmare. The same beautiful woman who is selfless enough to help me fight my inner demons. It's not doctors and therapists like you, no offense, that helped me. It's Mia. Without her, I would still be a hollow shell, never thriving. She gives me meaning, brought me back to life, and pieced together a soul I swore I'd lost long ago. Mia made me want to live again, for her, Maggie, and for myself. If she asks you a question about our sessions, then you better fucking release anything and everything she goddamn wants to know."

Dr. J grinned and nodded. He then stood.

"Until we meet again, Christopher." He extended his hand to me. "As always, it's been a pleasure."

"You're still staying for breakfast and shit, right?" I stood and took his hand with a firm grip.

"Of course."

"How was the session? Or shouldn't I ask?" Mia asked Dr. J, glancing over the table full of delivered breakfast food.

"You have full permission to ask anything you desire. Or, should I say 'anything and everything she goddamn wants'." He smiles, Mia blushes. "The session was good, he's come a long way."

She nods, putting a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

"I said to tell her anything, not to fucking talk like I'm not in the goddamn room." With a huff, I grab my orange juice and gulp.

"Sorry," Dr. J lifts his hands in a surrender motion.

"Jesus, Chris, could you calm the hell down? He was giving you a compliment."

"No, he's right. He's in the room. I'm not sure how I could forget that with his big head filling it."

Mia burst into laughter.

"Hey, Doc, keep your eyes above the table. My cock is Mia's property." Proud of myself, I relax back into my seat.

A napkin hits my face just as Mia groans.

"Mia," she turns to Dr. J at the sound of her name. "In my professional opinion, you are the strongest woman I know. Just being willing to put up with his cocksure nature is enough for that to be true."

"There you go, talking about my junk again." I shrug.

"But," Dr J's voice rises over mine, "he loves you more than his own life. I'm pretty sure you are the reason he breathes and Maggie makes his heart skip a beat or two."

Mia looks at me, tears in her eyes. _Way to fucking go, Doc. Didn't I just tell him what an emotional crazy she's been?_

"I love you, Christopher Tobias Mason. You know that right?" Her eyes shift back and forth between mine. I grab her hand, pulling it to my mouth and kissing her knuckles.

"Of course, baby. How could you not?" I wink from over her hand. She smiles.

"I'm serious, Chris."

"I know, baby. I know." Placing one more kiss to her hand, I sit back in my chair, keeping my eyes on hers and holding her hand. "And you have me forever. That's both a promise and a threat, just so you know."

Mia leans forward, imitating my gesture by kissing my hand.

"I know, baby. I know."
Note from the Author:

Thank you to all of you who gave Falling Stars 2.0 a chance. I'm excited to have this new and more amazingly worthy book for all of you to read.

Until Hidden in the Stars...

About the Author:

To keep up to date on upcoming releases, sneak peeks, cover reveals, and inspirational music & images for the Falling Stars book(s) you can find Sadie Grubor on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and her website.

Website: www.sadiegrubor.com

About the Editor:

Monica Black – Freelance Editor.  
<https://www.facebook.com/wordnerdediting>

http://www.wordnerdediting.com

<http://wordnerdediting.blogspot.com/> ß Explicit content warning. This is a grammatically correct personal blog with book reviews.
