Hey guys, welcome back to my channel!
One of the scariest things for a closeted
person to do is to come out to someone they
care about only to be rejected and shunned.
Today, I’m going to talk about that time
I came out to my church friends and how they
reacted.
First off, why did I come out to them? Well,
I had just started dating guys, and to be
honest, I was kind of pressured into it by
someone I had a huge crush on. I feel dumb
about it, but at the end of the day, it was
my own decision and I own up to it.
Over the course of a week, I came out to 4
church friends separately. The first 2 were
through Facebook messenger, and they were
pretty chill and supportive. I wasn’t that
close to them, and I knew they’d be pretty
open minded, so I thought of this as getting
by feet wet.
The next 2 were much more difficult. They
were friends I grew up with and were much
closer to. If I were to lose them, my inner
social circle would be... dismantled.
The first was Toby. Toby was a silly guy who
was always joking around with me, but deep
down, he had a strong sense of respect for
me because of how dedicated I was in church.
We’d often go out to hike, have dinner,
and hangout with 2 or 3 other church friends.
One night, he had invited me to sushi one-on-one
to celebrate his new job. And it happened
to be that week I started coming out to people.
After we finished our meal, I told him I had
a secret to tell him and made him promise
never to tell anyone. He agreed, so I told
him... “I’m gay.”
He laughed and said, “Haha, what is it really?”
“I’m serious!” I said. He was in disbelief,
so I started talking about the guy I liked,
with whom I was going to go on a date. I showed
him some photos, and he finally realized I
was not kidding around. He said that it was
fine that I was gay and that he didn’t have
any issue with it. But after that night, he
completely stopped inviting me to hangout
and was suddenly very curt in his texts. It
hurt... A lot.
But at that point, I didn’t know he would
distance himself from me yet. It seemed like
he took it pretty well. So a few days later,
I had dinner with my best friend in church,
Nathan.
Nathan was the friend who was always there
for me. When I was depressed in college, he’d
message me everyday to ask how I was doing.
Anytime I had a problem, he’d always try
his best to help me and give me his best advice.
He’s helped me jumpstart my car, diagnose
my lung infection, and talk through major
career choices. He was a true friend.
Again, after our meal, I had him promise he’d
keep this secret. With his word, I confessed..
“I’m gay.”
Just like Toby, Nathan laughed! He jokingly
responded, “Okayyy good one!”
He honestly thought I was playing him for
a reaction. And I had to show him my dating
profile on Tinder for him to finally realize
I was serious. What is it with these guys?
Do I really trick people that often?
We talked it over, and he took it very seriously.
He took our friendship very seriously, just
as I did. He said that he could not support
or condone homosexual behaviors and that kind
of lifestyle, but he’d still support me
as a friend. It felt like an unsatisfying
affirmation of his friendship.
Yes, he truly wanted to stay friends and be
there for me, but he did not approve of me
dating guys and living that way.
I took what I could get from that conversation,
but what really hurt was when I entered a
poetry contest online. I shared it on Facebook
because I needed people to vote for my entry.
It was an abstract love poem that didn’t
reveal I was gay. But he said he couldn’t
vote for it because he knew it had homosexual
intent.
That bothered me. A lot. So many other people
were supporting me, but my own best friend
would not, even when the art didn’t have
any explicit gay content.
I couldn’t talk to him for a while. Months.
Being the good friend that he is, Nathan eventually
reached out to heal our friendship. He didn’t
change his mind on his views, but he still
wanted to be there for me as a friend.
To be honest, I’m so lucky to have him in
my life. Sure, I can’t expect someone who
grew up in a conservative church to change
his world views overnight. But I can still
appreciate someone who genuinely cares about
me.
I know it’s not the most satisfying ending,
but that’s how my life is: an unending,
unsatisfying conflict of religion and homosexuality,
a conflict that is both internal and in my
fragmented social life.
But what about you? Have you had a similar
experience? Did you ever come out to a conservative
friend? If so, how did they react? Comment
below on your experiences. I’d love to hear
them! And lastly, it would mean so much to
me if you would like this video and subscribe
to my channel. Thanks for listening, and have
a great day!
