Do you want to talk about
that one thing that happened?
-Sure, yeah.
-What happened, real quick?
I was slipped molly.
Oh, yeah.
But on a podcast, right?
On a podcast, yeah,
and then I...
my kids were there, uh...
(laughs)
and so I was blowing up,
and I didn't want to hang out
with my kids,
and so I went to the store,
and I ran into David Spade,
and well, I'm, like, on molly
and I see David Spade,
I'm like, "Aah!
You want to hear a story?"
-He's like, "Stop rubbing
my arm. -Yeah, it was very...
And I was like,
"I can't, man."
I liked it. It was very, uh,
more touchy-feely than normal.
-Yeah.
-It was all right.
I liked it, though.
I like that whole story.
'Cause then you had to take
a flight later that night.
Ugh. I got on a plane,
blowing up, just like--
Oh, God is right.
You have no idea.
I'm literally talking the ear
off of the guy next to me.
Just like,
"I want to buy a boat.
Do you want to buy a boat?"
He's like...
All I hear is someone
complaining about free drugs.
-SPADE: Yeah. -Yeah. That's what
Bill Cosby said.
(laughter)
He's like, "She didn't have
to pay for them."
Over the weekend, Elon Musk
drove the new Tesla truck
to Nobu Malibu,
and he tagged a parking cone
on the way out making
an illegal turn.
Let's take a look.
All right, not exactly
Mario Andretti, but, uh...
I think that, uh--
I'm one of the few people
that I think those trucks
are kind of cool.
I wouldn't mind getting one.
I'd take the seat out
and stand up in it.
(laughter)
-Stand up in it.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
This is what's beautiful
about this truck.
This is a truck designed
by a man
who has never needed
or used a truck, obviously,
selling it to a man
who's never needed
-or used a truck.
-Yeah.
Overpaying it.
Yeah. I'll pay whatever it takes
to get that thing.
I like them.
I think-- You know what it--
It's like, the guy
is obviously very smart,
he's very well-read, but he's
an idiot in the same sense.
He, like, he does--
He's, like, the relatable
next-door genius that you have.
You're just like, "Oh, this guy
could build a spaceship
that goes to Mars, but also
will hit a cone just like I do."
I'm, like, halfway there.
Celebrities,
they're just like us.
-Yeah, I'm halfway there.
-Yeah, they're just like us.
Yeah, no. Who-- I know,
I know a lot of time
guys, like, drive specific cars
to get women.
I'm like, "Who is he picking up
in this vehicle?"
Like, who is he attract--
I would-- I--
The comedian in me would go out
with him just for the bit,
right, because that's hilarious,
but, like, where is he
gonna take me on a date?
To the Thunderdome?
Like, what-- I don't...
-It is a bit Mad Max-y.
-And he definitely wears
a Fitbit while he's having sex.
The new, improved one.
Oh, I have, like, so many of
those flame-throwers he sold.
So I'm like...
See if I can do some sort
of trade out.
All right, a British woman
was sick of her husband
spending late nights
in his local pub,
so she built him a bar for him
in their own backyard.
Oh, boy, next up, she's gonna
learn how to play golf.
"Honey, I have great news.
I get to do more things
with you."
I don't know if she's getting
what's going on here.
-She spent 25 grand on that bar,
right? -Yeah.
My wife wouldn't spend $25,000
to have me murdered.
(laughter)
The Doghouse-- She calls it
The Doghouse
'cause he's in the doghouse,
but I don't even know
if they can serve beer
and sell it.
I mean, Britain, I don't know if
there's any laws over there.
But I-I don't know, I think
she just has free beer
for him and his friends.
But it's a little smothering.
I thought she
was gonna be uglier.
-SPADE: She is cute.
-I mean, this great,
hey, spend 1,200 bucks
to get an elliptical,
but she's not.
Like, I don't...
Because she spent so much money
to get her husband to stay home,
-you thought she was-- yeah.
-Yeah. I was like,
she's got to be a pig,
and then she's not.
(laughter)
My wife's, like, a solid six,
and I'm--
And I can't imagine
what she would have to build
-in my backyard to get me to...
-To keep you?
-To get you to stay?
-To keep me home.
-To stay home.
-(laughter)
 -Field of Dreams. 
-(bleep)
-If you build it... -She would,
she would have to build...
-If you build it, Bert will
stay. -Field of Dreams.
She didn't tell him she made it
into a gay bar, though.
(laughter)
And I'm back!
No, I feel like if you have
to build your husband a bar,
then he's probably
not that into you.
Right? Like, just so he could
spend more time with you?
Like, let me spend more time
with my alcoholic husband.
-Like, who wants that?
-Yeah.
-Uh, LeeAnn Kreischer.
-I love when my husband yells
-at me when I burn the meatloaf.
-Yeah. He's gonna build
a second little secret bar
in the other end of the yard
and then sneak out
and go there and escape.
She should build him
a little, uh, stabbin' cabin
for his mistress on the lot,
too. Why not.
-KREISCHER: Stabbin' cabin.
-Yeah, you heard me.
-RANNAZZISI: Yep.
-Stabbin' cabin.
Start the T-shirts.
Uh, women in Russia...
What's happening over there?
I'll tell you.
They've been posting pictures
of a new plastic surgery craze
-that makes their lips
look nuts. -Oh, I love this.
-This is...
-I love this. I love this.
We have a word for this kind
of surgery in America.
It's called "botched."
(laughter)
KREISCHER:
No, that's beautiful.
That's beautiful. If you're
gonna get plastic surgery,
-lean into it.
-RANNAZZISI: No.
Like, don't try
to hide it from me.
-That's what I don't trust.
-SPADE: Yeah, I agree.
When I go,
"Oh, wait, wait, wait, your...
What's happening to your face?
It's falling apart?"
"No, no, no, no, no, no.
I got plastic surgery.
Look at it."
-And that's what I like.
-SPADE: I do like it.
That's really owning it.
I love it.
I'd do it to mine if I could.
No, no, no.
Those lips are so ugly,
Offset wouldn't (bleep) them.
(laughter and applause)
SPADE:
Even Offset.
-Poor Offset. -Yeah, no.
You can't give anybody hickeys
with that 'cause they'll
know immediately it was you.
Like, immediately.
-Making out... -They look like
Christmas cookie cutters.
-Like, you just put them
on your lip. -Yeah, they do.
-Yeah. -Right? -That makes me
want to get a crazy mistress.
Like, a crazy mistress
where she's like,
"I want to get those lips."
I'll be like, "Oh, let's do it!
Let's see what that's like."
And then you play with them
for a little bit.
That way,
your wife can't get upset,
'cause she's completely
different than your wife.
-(laughs) Yeah.
-You can get these
the old-fashioned way
by breaking out with herpes.
