
# ZEN ARCADE

CLASSIC VIDEO GAME REVIEWS

Daniel Thomas MacInnes

DT Media, Minneapolis, Chicago

If you enjoy this book, please take a moment to write a review on Amazon and other digital platforms. Your insights and opinions are greatly appreciated.

ZEN ARCADE: CLASSIC VIDEO GAME REVIEWS © 2017 Daniel Thomas MacInnes. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, recorded or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without written permission by the publisher.

Published by DT Media, Minneapolis, Chicago

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Previous versions of some essays have appeared in _Daniel Thomas Vol 4_.

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### Dedications

This book is dedicated to Arnie Katz, Joyce Worley and Bill Kunkel, the founders of videogame journalism. Collectively known by the title "KKW,"' the trio began as columnists writing for _Video Magazine_ , later founding _Electronic Games Magazine_ , the first publication devoted exclusively to the new medium. Many conventions of gaming magazines and websites (news, features, interviews, tips, reviews) began. In addition, many videogame industry terms, such as "Easter Egg" and "game mechanics" were pioneered by KKW.

In 1990, working for the celebrated _Video Games and Computer Entertainment Magazine_ , Arnie Katz began a fanzine column, inspiring his readers to create gaming zines. A thriving underground scene quickly developed and flourished. Many people who today work in the videogame industry began their careers as zine editors and writers, including Joe Santulli, Chris Kohler, Chris Johnston, Ara Shirinian, Tyrone Rodriguez, and myself.

Bill Kunkel passed away in 2011, and Joyce Worley Katz passed away in 2016. I owe my entire career as a writer and indie publisher to KKW. This book is dedicated to their memory.

### Table of Contents

Introduction

Part I: Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

Adventure Island

Adventures of Lolo

Balloon Fight

Baseball

Bubble Bobble

Burgertime

Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest

Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong, Jr.

Donkey Kong Jr. Math

Duck Hunt

Elevator Action

Galaga

Gradius

Ice Hockey

The Legend of Kage

The Legend of Zelda

Lunar Pool

MACH Rider

Mario Bros.

Mega Man

Metroid

NES Play Action Football

Ninja Gaiden

Ninja Jajamaru-kun

Operation Wolf

Pinball

Soccer

Super C

Super Mario Brothers

Super Mario Brothers 2: Mario Madness

Tennis

Urban Champion

Volleyball

Wario's Woods

Xevious

Yoshi

Part II: Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES)

ActRaiser

Aero the Acrobat

Axelay

Castlevania 4

Contra 3: The Alien Wars

Donkey Kong Country

F-Zero

Final Fight

Ghoul Patrol

Gradius 3

Harvest Moon

Kirby's Avalanche

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Pac-Attack

Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures

Pilotwings

Rival Turf

SimCity

Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior

Street Fighter 2 Turbo

Super Mario World

Super Metroid

Super R-Type

Vegas Stakes

Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Part III: Nintendo 64

Cruis'n USA

F-Zero X

Mario Kart 64

Star Fox 64

Super Mario 64

Wave Race 64

Yoshi's Story

Part IV: Sega Genesis

Alien Soldier

Altered Beast

Bonanza Bros.

Columns

Comix Zone

Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine

Ecco the Dolphin

Ecco: The Tides of Time

Gain Ground

Ghouls 'N Ghosts

Golden Axe

Golden Axe 3

Gunstar Heroes

Landstalker: The Treasures of King Nole

Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi

Shining in the Darkness

Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master

Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Sonic 3 & Knuckles

Space Harrier 2

Streets of Rage 3

Strider

Super Thunder Blade

Toejam & Earl

Part V: NEC Turbografx-16 (TG-16)

Air Zonk

Alien Crush

Bomberman '93

Bonk's Adventure

Bonk 3: Bonk's Big Adventure

China Warrior

Cratermaze

Devil's Crush

Digital Champ: Battle Boxing

Double Dungeons

Dragon Spirit

Drop Off

Dungeon Explorer

Final Soldier

Galaga '90

Legend of Hero Tonma

Military Madness

Moto Roader

Neutopia

Neutopia 2

Power Golf

R-Type

Samurai Ghost

Shockman

Super Star Soldier

Victory Run

Vigilante

World Class Baseball

Part VI: SNK Neo-Geo

Art of Fighting

Art of Fighting 2

Baseball Stars 2

Blue's Journey

Burning Fight

Fatal Fury

Fatal Fury 2

Fatal Fury Special

The King of Fighters '94

King of the Monsters

Magician Lord

Neo Turf Masters

Ninja Combat

Ninja Commando

Samurai Shodown

Samurai Shodown 2

Top Hunter

World Heroes

Appendix I: Glossary

Appendix II: Ratings

About the Author

### Introduction

Hello, my name is Daniel Thomas MacInnes. I am a videogame critic with over 25 years experience, beginning with self-published fanzines as a teenager, later writing for professional print magazines and websites. This is my first published book.

_Zen Arcade: Classic Video Game Reviews_ is a collection of 140 reviews of videogames across six platforms: Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), Nintendo Super NES, Nintendo 64, NEC Turbografx-16, Sega Genesis and SNK Neo-Geo. Every one of these titles have been released on Nintendo's Virtual Console digital service. Many of these games are also available on Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Network, Apple iOS, and Steam. Many others have been released on "greatest hits" discs released on all the major console systems over the years.

This book is the first of three planned volumes in a series; my goal is to write reviews for all console videogame titles released on Virtual Console. If this series becomes popular, I would be happy to write further volumes in the series, covering arcade games, portable games, and games released only in Japan.

Whether you are a devout collector, a writer or software developer searching for inspiration, or a young player discovering these classics for the first time, this book is for you. It is a record of the living history and enduring power of this most fascinating medium, this unique interactive form of popular arts.

_Zen Arcade_ is not a "nostalgia." It is about honoring the vast, rich history of this medium and preserving it for the future. The videogame is a living artform, one that deserves an equal place at the table alongside television, movies, music and books.

When writing my reviews, I played each game extensively so that my impressions would be fresh. I did not rely upon memory, but used it as a guide. Sometimes, I would appreciate a classic videogame in a new light, such as _Golden Axe 3_ , _Mario Kart 64_ , and many Turbografx-16 games. At other times, my opinion of a software title had diminished, or I had discovered I had less patience for its flaws. _Ecco the Dolphin_ and the early Neo-Geo fighting games are good examples.

The videogame industry has a terrible habit of ignoring its past. Their business models largely involve selling you the exact same product every year, with little to no meaningful changes made over time. The "franchise" model is dominant. Inherent in this model is the notion of "obsolescence," that yesterday's videogame is old, outdated, and therefore has no value. Games and systems are routinely discarded in favor of the "newer" model.

This idea is absurd. It has no basis in reality, and it is a business model with diminishing returns.

Meanwhile, the values of classic videogames have been embraced with open arms by upstarts Apple and Google, reinvigorating an exciting and vibrant indie gaming scene in the process. Many retro game systems continue to see new software titles years after their "official" demise. And collectors of classic games continue to grow every year, drawing more business into specialty retailers and Ebay.

Videogames are not remembered in the past, but experienced in the present. No one would seriously argue that The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin are now outdated and worthless. Nobody would claim that _Citizen Kane_ or _Casablanca_ are now "obsolete" because of their age. Why should it be any different for this medium?

_Zen Arcade_ is a celebration of the vitality and power of classic videogames to inspire and entertain. May these reviews inspire you as well. Thank you for reading.

## Part I:

Nintendo  
Entertainment  
System  
(NES)

### Adventure Island

Hudson Soft for NES

Action

1988

Rating: 7/10

Hudson's _Adventure Island_ was a hallmark series on the NES, albeit a minor one when compared to the big players like _Mega Man_ , _Contra_ , _Castlevania_ , _Ninja Gaiden_ , and of course _Super Mario Brothers_ and _The Legend of Zelda_. Still, it was always a steady and dependable series of games that was always there for you, always challenging, always entertaining, always ready for the next speed run.

Classic gamers will instantly recognize this game as a deliberate rip-off of Sega's 1986 arcade hit _Wonder Boy_ , and there's really no getting around that. It was probably something that hurt _Adventure Island_ back in its day, but since the subsequent sequels for both series expanded and evolved in notably different directions, this became an overlooked offense. Sega's game appeared on the rival Master System, and Hudson's game appeared on the NES. These sort of things were common back in the day. Does anyone really mind today? Will there be any playground arguments among children in the 21st Century over which version was better? I can't imagine it. But you never know.

_Adventure Island_ is a side-scrolling arcade platformer from the mid-1980s, and it incorporates all the standard elements of the genre. You run from left to right across green forests, tall hills, high sky islands, and underground caverns, attacking foes with your hatchet or boomerang, all while grabbing as many fruits as you can find. This style of videogame was still somewhat new at the time, so designers were steadily spreading their wings and expanding the limits of what was possible. So I'd say this is the simplest episode in the series, the most to the point. Level designs are solid yet fairly basic, which can become repetitious over time, yet favors reckless speed runs that are quite entertaining to watch (and more than a little stressful to attempt yourself, yowsa).

Hudson quickly turned _Adventure Island_ into a successful series, honing the original gameplay formula to perfection. Personally, I consider _Adventure Island 2_ to be one of my all-time NES favorites, whose worlds are are more complex and interesting, closer to _Super Mario_. The series would grow to four titles on NES, two on Game Boy, two on the Super NES, one on the PC Engine/Turbografx, and one on the Nintendo Wii. Two titles even appeared on mobile phones in Japan.

All in all, a fun little romp. It's a good reflex test, an entertaining show-off for your friends, best appreciated in short bursts instead of extended play sessions. Fans of today's "endless runner" videogames on smartphones will probably have the most fun. More seasoned veterans will wisely skip ahead to one of the later sequels, which are more inspired and inventive.

### Adventures of Lolo

HAL Laboratory for NES

Puzzle

1989

Rating: 7/10

Hey, look at that. A puzzler that wasn't a shameless knockoff of _Tetris_. Will wonders never cease?

For some of you, that should be enough information to make the jump. _Adventures of Lolo_ is an action-puzzle game for the NES, and it's not _Tetris_. No falling blocks, no matching anything into threes, no clearing rows, no nothing. Which isn't to say that I'm not fond of those sort of videogames. I'm just tired of the uninspired sameness, burned out on the whole creative bankruptcy of it all. There was once a time when puzzle or brain games — yes, they were once informally called "brain" games — were a source of invention and inspiration. And they were often fiendishly difficult. These were the real mental exercises (cough, _Chip's Challenge_ , ahem).

_Adventures of Lolo_ was the first in a series of such puzzlers from HAL Laboratory, the studio best known today for its pink marshmallow-balloon-guy* Kirby, and his many games across various Nintendo platforms. Before _Kirby's Adventure_ , HAL made a number of modest NES titles, and the _Lolo_ series was clearly their best.

The game is a cute sort of puzzler, taken clearly after the _Sokoban_ archetype. _Sokoban_ , in case you don't recognize the title, is the puzzler where you move boxes in a warehouse. It's known by many names, and over the years has become one of the great archetypes of modern videogames. Just about every major game for a time involved a moment where you have to move boxes or crates around. _Tomb Raider_ made you move boxes. _The Legend of Zelda_ made you move boxes. Heck, in _Shenmue_ , Yu Suzuki turned it into a full-time job. Your only reward was to race the truck lifts in the morning.

_Lolo_ is based around that premise, although here your job is to collect heart pieces in order to clear a screen. You push objects out of your way in a very specific order, clearing a pathway to your goal. The game starts out fairly simple, at least for the first couple of levels. After that, watch out. It becomes hard. Fiendishly, brutally hard. You'd never expect that a blue blob with doe eyes could make you want to pull your hair out by the roots. But _Lolo_ sure does.

Sometimes you have some extra moves, like the ability to shoot an enemy and turn them into an egg. These are extremely limited, however. Above all, _Lolo_ is a brain game of patterns. You are expected to solve each room in a certain manner; this way first, then the other. If you're able to fire two or three eggs, you'd better believe they have a very specific purpose.

So, in a sense, this battle of wits is really between you and the game designers. You have to try and figure out how they tick. It's like a chess match with an unseen opponent. If nothing else, Garry Kasparov can relate with you. At least your computer opponent isn't cheating to get the upper hand.

There were three _Lolo_ games on the NES and one on Game Boy, each one pretty much the same cutesy puzzles and challenges, although HAL tried to shoehorn some kind of story mode into the third one. Perhaps they were trying to make things easier? I dunno. Doesn't matter. You probably only really need to be a puzzle sadist to get all four games, if and when the other two are released to Virtual Console. For everyone else who wants a good mental challenge, the original _Adventures of Lolo_ comes recommended.

Augh! I ended with a review cliche! What was I thinking? I may as well pull out the Videogame Review Mad Libs...insert bad puns...witty word play...heavy alliteration...yadda yadda. Ah, God Bless the _GamePro_ writers guidelines.

(*Footnote: Balloon Guy was a Minneapolis rock band from the 1990s. They recorded songs and albums for local indie Generator label, as well as the outstanding time capsule compilation, _93.7 The Edge: Minnesota Modern Rock Volume_ 1. They were signed to a major label where they released the album _The West Coast Shakes_ in 1996. Frontman Matt Olson folded the group shortly after, citing stardom pressures and exhaustion. If you find either of those albums, grab them immediately. You won't be disappointed. What does this have to do with videogames? Nothing. But it's my book and publishing label, so there.)

### Balloon Fight

Nintendo for NES

Action

1985

Rating: 5/10

For most of my reviews, I try to remain fair-minded about the scores and my overall opinions. As a general rule, I won't give a score lower than a "five out of ten" as long as a videogame demonstrates some basic competence. It may not work for me, or it may just fail to grab my interest, but if the controls work and nothing is clearly broken, then a five should be fair. Anything lower than that becomes a bit of a mess. "People just get uglier, and I have no sense of time." Something along those lines.

From my point of view, I don't consider any videogame lower than a "five" to be worth playing. A five is just barely passing, just squeaking on by, like those stoner kids from high school who managed to graduate with nothing higher than a D on the report card. Once you're down into that territory, the Ds and Fs, it's very touchy-feely, and highly dependent upon circumstances.

Now here's the reason I bring all this up. I pulled out Nintendo's early NES game _Balloon Fight_ with the intention of tearing it to pieces. For me, it's an awful bore, a supreme waste of precious hours and dollars. I wouldn't be caught dead with it. But then I observed parents and their children crowd around the videogame stores in my area this past week. Usually this was when I was sneaking in some more _Super Mario Galaxy_ time while waiting for the bus home.

I observed that _Mario Galaxy_ was proving to be a big draw for the kids, and the poor hapless parents — How can there still be parents in this country who know nothing about videogames? — were trying to find something suitable and fun for their families. They were trying, in other words, to avoid the brutality of torture porn like _Manhunt_ and _Grand Theft Auto_. This is proving a bit of a challenge, since so much of today's games industry is catering to adult nerds.

This leaves me feeling the need to be more generous as a critic. The Nintendo Wii became a great success with families of all ages, and I'm sure Mom and Dad were looking for a few games to keep the children happy and content, without scarring them emotionally. The less brutality, sexual repression and thinly-veiled fascism, the better.

All of which brings me to this early Nintendo game called _Balloon Fight_ , which is now available on Virtual Console. Here's how it works, for all the uninformed parents out there. You control a man who floats around with several balloons. His job is to pop the balloons of his rivals, who all look vaguely like ducks. I can't tell if they're really ducks, or people dressed in really bad duck costumes. But you still have to pop them out of the game, regardless.

The way you do this is by floating higher and higher, by pressing the button — there's only one button in this game — and dropping on the other players. They get knocked out, and you capture the eggs left behind, before they hatch new enemy players who return to the game. Once you've knocked out all the ducks, you win the round, and move on to the next board.

It's all sort of colorful and cute, and it's easy to see what's happening. There's a bit of skill required, but nothing that's too difficult. In fact, Mom and Dad, I'll bet even you could fare pretty well. Two people can play at the same time, so perhaps it's time to show Lisa Junior who's boss. You won't get this chance again when they're teenagers, so take advantage of it now.

In closing, if this describes you and your family, then I'd recommend _Balloon Fight_. There's no reason you have to throw away $60 on a new videogame, especially when all these perfectly good games are just lying around for pennies on the dollar. They were good enough in my day, dagnabbit, and that's what made me the rugged success I am today. We also had to walk uphill to school everyday, in three feet of snow. Builds character. Be sure to use these corny cliches when needed.

(Dramatic pause as Mom and Dad leave the room.)

Okay, now here's the _Balloon Fight_ review for the rest of us. The gamers, the grownups, the Generation X crowd. The Adults Who Should Know Better.

_Balloon Fight_ stinks.

And what videogames stink the most? The ones that shamelessly rip off other classic videogames without even trying to be original. Hey, Nintendo! We kids from the 1980s already played this game to death! It's called _Joust_! We played it in the arcades, on the Atari systems, on the home computers, on the Lynx....where else have I seen that game? Oh, yes. _Joust_ was released on the NES, you jerks!

I'll take any version of _Joust_ over _Balloon Fight_. Even the Atari 2600 version, which was surprisingly solid. Why should I settle for the weird baby version? Did it really need to be dumbed down? Is that why the player-character wears a crash helmet? Because he might hurt his head on the balloons? Gee, why not include those arm-floaters in case he falls into the water? Why not package the cartridge inside bubble wrap?

Ugh. As I've often complained, most of the early NES titles were bloody awful. At least, to its credit, _Balloon Fight_ is playable. It's competent. The little man with the baby crash helmet moves and floats when I tell him to move. Challenging? Hardly. Thank heavens Nintendo was too late to cash in on the _Pac-Man_ craze. They'd have handed us a maze game where everybody gives out hugs.

### Baseball

Nintendo for NES

Sports

1985

Rating: 5/10

By my last count, at least 20 baseball titles were released on the NES, more than any other sport. Some have aged very well, others less so, but this understandable given how far videogame sports have evolved. Nintendo's simply-titled _Baseball_ was the very first, one of the original Famicom games, and one of the NES launch titles in 1985. That it is arguably the weakest baseball game for the system is understandable, and in our more charitable moods we are willing to look the other way.

I don't think this was a bad game when it was new. Compared to the sports games on Atari 2600 and Intellivision and Colecovision, this was pretty good. The baseball players are cleanly detailed, and animate nicely with some impressive poses (having the legendary animator Yoichi Kotabe on call no doubt helped Nintendo in this area). Pitchers nod as they plan their next pitch. Fielders reach up to catch a high fly ball. Umpires appear onscreen to make calls. And to the game's credit, the pitcher/batter battles are somewhat competent.

Now here's where _Baseball_ has aged poorly: I don't think you can control your fielders. If you can, I could never figure it out. They're moving on their own. And they waddle. Very. Slowly. Knock the ball into the outfield, and you can sleepwalk to second or third base before the right fielder even reach the ball. Huh? Did you get hit by a car? What am paying you for? Hurry up!

There are no leagues or championships, only a single game with a choice of six teams who appear to be based on MLB teams, designated by a single letter such as "A," "P," and "Y," which represent different cities. But the only difference between them is a change of colors. The performance among all players is identical.

_Baseball_ feels like it has one foot planted in the Atari era, with its simple arcade gameplay and limited options. It would have fit in nicely at the Aladdin's Castle at the Mariner Mall in Superior, WI, where my family and I would frequent back in the 1980s. I can almost smell the caramel popcorn from the shop across the hall. I miss video arcades. They were fun.

Would I have put a couple quarters into Nintendo's _Baseball_ machine and play a quick game? Yes, perhaps once in awhile. But I would not have bought the cartridge once the NES was established and dominating the scene. There were so many baseball games on the system that were faster, more responsive, more involving, more accurate to the sport, some even including official league and players licenses. Now imagine the great sports titles on the Sega Genesis, Super NES and Sega Saturn, and try to convince yourself that you'll be reaching for this cart. There's not a chance, especially when money is involved.

Titles such as _Baseball_ make a strong case for a digital download service that charges a flat monthly fee, like Netflix, instead of charging five dollars per game. This title is not worth five dollars, not even close. But if were included in a vast library to be played anytime for nine bucks a month? Sure, I'll play a game. I'm not expecting _World Series Baseball 98_ on Sega Saturn (the greatest baseball videogame of all time). I'm just having a little nostalgic fun at the old video arcade and smelling the popcorn.

### Bubble Bobble

Taito for NES

Action

1987

Rating: 8/10

_Bubble Bobble_ is one of the great videogames that "everyone" can play, regardless of skill level or experience. At a time when everything was aimed at sugar- and caffeine-addicted boys, this humble little game was a welcome relief. It feels a little like a classic arcade game, a little like a puzzle game, a little like a cartoon, and all fun. This is the videogame equivalent of comfort food, a warm mug of cocoa on a rainy day.

I think this game works because it's relatively simple to play, because its character designs are charming and cute, because it allows two players to work together as a team, because it's relatively non-violent. Most videogames are obsessed with dumb violence, endless explosions, or playing out action movie fantasies. Here is something the whole family can enjoy together.

Gameplay is very simple. You move Bub and Bob, a pair of cutesy twin dinosaurs, around single-screen mazes trying to remove an army of nasty monsters. You fight them by blowing bubbles; when a baddie is caught inside one, he becomes temporarily suspended in midair. By simply popping the bubble, you hurl the monster off the playfield, and are rewarded with a variety of tropical fruits. If the monsters touch you, you'll lose a life.

There are an enormous number of endlessly varied stages, always using a single screen, and the game never becomes repetitive or monotonous. This is one of those seminal "easy to learn, hard to master" videogames. You'll clear the first few stages with ease, bouncing around the platforms, hitting monsters with bubbles, popping them and grabbing those bananas for extra points. Anybody can do this. If the only videogame you ever played was _Pac-Man_ , _Tetris_ and _Angry Birds_ , you'll fit in nicely with _Bubble Bobble_.

This is one of those "one more try" games. You know, the ones that grab you, hook, line and sinker, beginning very easy but gradually becoming more difficult. You're always left hanging with just one or two more monsters to defeat, and you reach for that next quarter. "Just one more try and I'll make it," you say. You give it another spin. And another. And another. Eventually, you realize that you've spent the entire afternoon blowing bubbles with cartoon animals, and your laundry money is missing. But was it worth it? What kind of a question is that? Of course, it's worth it.

_Bubble Bobble_ was ported to virtually every console and home computer format. Taito handled the NES and Game Boy translations themselves, and they did an excellent job. The graphics take a slight hit from the arcade, colors are slightly muted in that NES fashion, but gameplay is fully intact, which is what really matters. The two-player cooperative play is extremely welcome. It's nice to play with friends and family instead of playing against them, or taking turns alone. Videogames work best in social settings, with everybody joining in together. I've never understood this industry's obsession with isolated, solo play (aside from corporate greed; those extra players aren't paying). It certainly doesn't help the medium's negative image as a domain for nerds and social outcasts.

This series continued with numerous sequels and spin-offs; the NES, Game Boy, GBA and Mega Drive all saw home-exclusive sequels (although the Mega Drive version is actually an unlicensed title from a Taiwan developer). _Bubble Symphony_ , an arcade sequel, featured updated graphics but the same classic gameplay, and was ported to the Sega Saturn. I'm not as enamored with _Rainbow Islands_ and _Parasol Stars_ , whose gameplay is radically different, but I do appreciate Taito's willingness to experiment and try new ideas, keeping the cutesy cartoon style intact. And let us not forget the brilliant and endlessly addictive _Bust-a-Move_ / _Puzzle Bobble_ series. A number of knockoff versions have flooded iOS, including one from Disney/Pixar based on _Inside Out_ that proved popular with the family iPhone.

I don't think you can go wrong with any version of _Bubble Bobble_. There are slight variations between each, owing to each system's unique hardware quirks, and they're all fun to play. I do wish these titles would appear on Virtual Console or a similar digital service. I'd really love to see the Commodore 64 version, but that appears extremely unlikely. The owner of Commodore USA, the holding company that held the system's software rights, died suddenly in 2013, leaving the entire library in legal limbo. Nintendo pulled all C64 games from Virtual Console shortly thereafter. Such legal issues surrounding classic videogames will, sadly, continue for some time, preventing hundreds of classic videogames from finding a new audience today.

And now you know why people turn to unlicensed emulators and internet ROMs. This isn't rocket science, people. Fix this.

### Burgertime

Data East and Namco for NES

Action

1987

Rating: 7/10

_Burgertime_ is one of those "Golden Age" videogames that must have been inspired by LSD trips. How else does one explain the premise? You play a chef who creates gigantic hamburgers that are cooked on fifty-foot steel girders. You run over the main ingredients — buns, meat, lettuce, tomatoes — and drop them into finished stacks. But, wait! You're being chased around by Mister Hot Dog, Mister Pickle, and Mister Egg, living food that doesn't fancy being turned into your next lunch.

See what I mean? Whoever programmed this game was high as a kite. That's probably why the Wikipedia page doesn't list any names as the developer. Nobody at Data East ever remembers making it.

Seriously, though, _Burgertime_ is a true arcade classic. It's a fun and clever twist on the maze chase formula, features a memorable cast of characters, and is endlessly challenging. I don't think I've ever passed the third stage, but I don't care. I've never been that good at this game, but I have a great time along the way. I always enjoyed the Intellivision and Colecovision versions, which were impressive for their time, although a step below the source.

Data East handled the NES version of _Burgertime_ by themselves, releasing it in 1987. This is the best of the home versions; the level layouts are the proper proportion, copying the arcade's vertical orientation. The speed and rhythm are correct as well, which is important when I'm being chased by a giant hot dog while running over a hamburger bun.

The difficulty isn't too high, although many players will feel a little overwhelmed by a growing pack of pickles and eggs who always seem to guess your next move. The trick is knowing at they always turn at every junction, every time. You can easily lead them over the next ladder. The controls are the biggest issue. They are responsive but extremely picky. You have to change directions when your feet are perfectly aligned with the the floor or ladders. If you're only one step off, you can't climb the ladders, which leaves you stuck on the receiving end of a vegetable smackdown. Again, you might feel overwhelmed at first, but stick with it.

Visually, this version is a little flat, too many browns and greens. The luminescent colors of the arcade are sorely missing. This was true for a lot of NES games; its color palette was a bit dark. The ladders are also strangely different, alternating rows of blue and green. These are little issues. I don't think I even noticed back in the late 1980s. I was too busy trying to clear that second stage and make my way to that last bit of lettuce. Hah, crazy.

### Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest

Konami for NES

Adventure

1988

Rating: 10/10

Hooray! Everybody has a number of classic videogames that they wait eagerly for. They'll buy themselves a couple Wii Classic Controllers and a couple large pizzas just for the occasion. Well, folks, here's mine. Grab your plates.

A little backstory for everyone first. As a teenager, _Castlevania_ was my favorite videogame series. This was sometimes contested by _Super Mario_ and _Contra_ and _Ninja Gaiden_ , but it always came back to this. It was also a favorite with many of my oldest friends from Duluth, Minnesota. If you were sick of the winter weather that day — and this was back in the day when we actually had winters in Minnesota — just turn on the Nintendo, then turn it off, then turn it again, then off again, then pull out the cartridge and blow on the ends, then pop it back in, turn it on, and start playing.

_Castlevania!_ It's part gothic, part monster movie, part serious, part jokey, and all hardcore gamer fun. These were the tough games, the ones you blistered your fingers trying to beat. Just how are you supposed to get through all those armored knights? Slash, slash, jump, that's how. You have to be fast, too. This becomes something of a bonding experience for everyone involved. Many grownups assumed that one person is playing, and all the friends are merely watching, but that's not the case. We're all in this together. _Castlevania's_ the prime example in my case.

_Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest_ was my favorite NES game. It still is. Played it to death through high school, at least until we all got to that point where were were all hopelessly stuck. This is a fiendishly tough game. Like many Nintendo games of its day, it's more of an adventure quest than an arcade game. _Blaster Master_ , _Rygar_ , _The Legend of Zelda_ , _Guardian Legend_ — just a few titles off the top of my head. The NES couldn't compete on the graphics front against more advanced 16-bit arcade machines, so developers resorted to deep, lengthy adventures instead. It was the smarter choice, I think. Some of its best games have never been bettered, because technology enabled software makers to take a simpler route.

I've discovered over the years that _Simon's Quest_ has a mixed reputation because of this. Many gamers prefer the straightforward action of the original _Castlevania_ , and they felt Konami strayed from their roots. As it turns out, everyone has it completely backward. The long-running series began not with _Castlevania_ (or _Demon Castle Dracula_ , as it's known in Japan), but as _Vampire Killer_ on the MSX computer. The game was an adventure game, using single screens instead of a scrolling environment. The settings were identical to the first _Castlevania_ , only with different arrangements and a more adventure-minded style.

There's actually a bit of dispute about this, since _Vampire Killer_ and the _Castlevania_ we all know both appeared within weeks of each other. You could say that the MSX version was stripped-down, created due to the home computer's scrolling limitations. However, _Symphony of the Night_ challenges that assumption. Today, the _Castlevania_ ("Metroidvania") series follows in the mold of MSX _Vampire Killer_ and NES _Simon's Quest_.

In any case, it's far easier to appreciate _Simon's Quest_ today, after all the post- _Symphony_ titles in the series. I can't imagine what any fan would find wanting. There's just as much to fight and just as many enemies to kill. Only now you're fighting through the forests and villages of Transylvania, and struggling to figure out where all those other castles are hiding.

For me, this was the greatest thing about _Simon's Quest_ : its atmosphere. There's such a wonderful Bavarian style to these lands, to the designs of the towns, the way everything is build with those damn stone blocks. It was the most compelling and believable game world I had seen up to that point. People walking by are always eager to offer advice or hints; I was floored when I discovered, after weeks and months of grueling trial-and-error, that most of what these people have to say is complete bunk. It's a feature that is often derided, but I always loved it. Why should complete strangers offer you any advice for your problems? They're probably blaming you for the nightly monster attacks.

This is also a great sendup of all those adventure and role-playing games in which every civilian has some key piece of information that's useful only to you, and only at that moment. It's all so contrived. Konami clearly felt so, and they decided to mess with our heads. _Simon's Quest_ is a great game for messing with heads. You can explore most of the countryside, find such things as flames for your morning star, or secret books, or crystal balls. But you'll be damned if you can ever get beyond that first castle. Dracula's first castle is a gimme, it's right out on the main road. The others are deftly hidden away. It took me and my peer group years to finally figure it out (ProTip: We cheated).

Sure, you boast that you won't get stumped. Then again, you can just go online and look at the solutions anytime you wish. Heck, most major videogames have cheat books that walk you by the hand all the way through. You have an easy out. Kind of defeats the whole point of playing an adventure game, I would argue. We didn't have those options in the late 1980s. The solution to discovering Dracula's second castle relied upon a gameplay maneuver that wasn't even revealed in the instruction book. You were just expected to solve it yourself. You kids today are coddled.

If you can somehow withhold the temptation to reach for those easy cheats, you'll really see how challenging and mysterious _Simon's Quest_ truly is. Like most adventure games, and most riddles, it loses a degree of mystique once the secret is revealed, so it's far more rewarding to struggle and sweat it out by yourselves. I don't even want you reading the _Simon's Quest_ strategy guide I wrote for the first issue of _V: The Videogame Experience_ , my old zine from 1993. No! Bad toad! Bad toad!

Like all the classic _Castlevanias_ (i.e. all the ones before _Symphony_ ), this game is deeply challenging without ever feeling unfair. You're never placed into an impossible situation, nor left underpowered against foes. It's a brilliant example of game design from the NES era, a perfect example of Konami's skill. This series may have long since lost its lustre, but back then, the NES days? Konami were the kings back then, baby. They were the kings.

### Donkey Kong

Nintendo for NES

Action

1985

Rating: 4/10

One thing I could never understand is why Nintendo treats their original arcade classic, _Donkey Kong_ , so shabbily. They have never once delivered an accurate, arcade-perfect translation, despite countless opportunities to do so. Heck, at this point, emulation would be a cinch. So what's the problem? It's always one step forward, two steps back with these guys, isn't it?

_Donkey Kong_ was one of the early Famicom cartridge titles, as well as an early 1985 NES title. It was released separately and also combined with the equally lazy _Donkey Kong Junior_ port under the title _Donkey Kong Classics_. That cartridge was somewhat popular in the NES days and you could find a copy for pennies on the dollar. And now they're both available on Virtual Console to entertain, baffle and bore in equal measure.

Given Nintendo's very short history in 1985, why would they slap together such a lazy version of _Donkey Kong_? Why not spend the extra effort to produce the definitive home version? How much work would this have required for programmers? An extra hour, maybe? You have the original source materials! Most arcade-to-home videogame translations are reverse-engineered reimaginings, interpretations at best and broad guesswork at work. They can be excused for not getting it right. Nintendo has no such excuse.

For the record, the best home translation of _Donkey Kong_ is on the Atari 800 home computer. The introduction sequence is present, as is the "how high can you get" screen. All four stages from the arcade are included, including the pie tin level that always seems to get axed. True, the graphics are a bit rougher, losing some detail and color and that top platform on the first stage. But the gameplay is rock solid. The groove, the feeling, is absolutely perfect. There's even an Easter Egg (the programmer's initials) that remained hidden for over 20 years.

So why can't Nintendo do this? What's their problem? NES _Donkey Kong_ — and, by extension, all their later home versions — is missing the fourth level, the introduction, the "how high can you go" screens, and some of Kong's animations. Worse, the level progression is all wrong; instead of building through each run, two screens, then three, then four, the game merely cycles through its remaining three stages. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

It's the 21st Century, kids. You can fire up MAME and play the arcade _Donkey Kong_ anytime you wish. Or you could play the Atari 800 version on an emulator. I say go with both and leave this crummy NES cart in the landfill where it belongs.

And speaking of which, why has Nintendo failed to provide their classic arcade games on Virtual Console? It requires no effort and no translation work. What is the reason for the holdup? There is no excuse for this.

### Donkey Kong, Jr.

Nintendo for NES

Action

1985

Rating: 3/10

_Donkey Kong Jr._ sucks. It was always a lousy, overrated videogame that was never any fun. I never liked it. I never liked anything about it. The arcade coin-op was horribly overrated, and the home versions, thankfully rare, were all clunkers. There's nothing you can do to make this game interesting.

The only reason anybody even remembers _Junior_ is entirely due to the endless good will towards the original _Donkey Kong_ , one of the all-time classics from the Golden Age of Videogames (roughly 1978-1984). That game remains a masterpiece of design and creativity, building upon the foundations of the nascent platforming genre and running away with it. None of _DK's_ rivals and peers can hold a candle to it (although _Mr. Robot and His Robot Factory_ comes pretty close). Heck, in 1994, Nintendo turned it into a Game Boy puzzle game and demolished that entire genre as well. _DK_ is pure gold.

_DK Junior_ , by comparison, is a stinking diaper. The pacing is much slower, the screens more cramped and overcrowded. Junior just moves too slow, barely jumps at all, slides rather than walks (the arcade joystick always felt too loose), and yet takes up too much space. There are four different boards, the same number as _DK Senio_ r, but for the life of me, I can never remember what the middle two even look like. I had to watch a couple YouTube videos just to confirm their existence; I only ever remembered the first board with the platforms and moving vines, and the fourth board with the locks. Why didn't I just sit down and play for myself? Meh. I can't be bothered. Also, my computer hard drive keeps crashing before I could see the third and fourth stages. Ahem.

That tells you something about the level design, which is stale and lifeless and nowhere near as interesting as the boards in _Donkey Kong_. They feel more like puzzles than anything else, simple puzzles with only one possible solution. The variety is missing, instead merely offering very basic run-and-jump skills. Even climbing on vines, the central gameplay motif, isn't used nearly as well as it could have been. Junior's movements are too slow, his jumps too low and awkward. The villains are uninspiring and lack character. The sense of danger is missing. There ain't no life nowhere.

I think many of these gameplay mechanics could work if they were fleshed out in a scrolling platformer like _Super Mario Brothers_ , and I'm honestly surprised that Nintendo never pursued this. When they finally brought _Donkey Kong_ back, it was UK developer Rare who worked their magic with _Donkey Kong Country_. Junior? Nowhere to be found. Newcomer Diddy Kong took his place. That tells you something when a starring Nintendo character gets bumped.

The NES version of _Donkey Kong Junior_ is just as lazy and half-hearted as their _DK_ translation. I suppose we should thank the programmers for including all four boards, but...eh, who cares? This title was released as a standalone cartridge, as well as the compilation cart _Donkey Kong Classics_. The Atari 7800 version is pretty close, but is cursed with that atrocious Atari 2600 TIA sound chip (the legendary POKEY sound chip was only used sparingly, on select cartridge titles). Ugh, that music makes me wanna claw my ears out.

Why are we even talking about this? Are you really thinking of playing _Donkey Kong Jr._ when there are so many great Nintendo videogames at your doorstep? Really? I mean, c'mon...really? Did you lose a bet or something? Most kids today don't know this game even exists. Lucky bastards.

### Donkey Kong Jr. Math

Nintendo for NES

Educational

1986

Rating: 1/10

Are you seriously kidding me? You're kidding me, right? Does Nintendo have to dump every early Famicom/NES title onto our laps, even the worst ones?

Growing up in the 1980s, there was always that one child in school towards whom you would feel pity, because his or her clueless parents bought them an Odyssey 2 instead of an Atari (or at least an Intellivision), or one of those lame-ass "educational" videogames. Yuck. What sick, twisted, demented mind ever thought "educational" videogames were worth anything? Please. Spare me. They were nothing more than garnish on your plate, a cheap way of justifying to parents in the '80s that these toys weren't a complete waste of time. Whatever. Of course videogames were a complete waste of time. That's why they were so much fun.

Do you really think playing _Pac-Man_ or _Tetris_ or _Street Fighter 2_ or _M.U.L.E_. did me any good in the real world? Did it make me popular as a kid, or score me dates as a teenager and adult, or get me into the best schools? Hell, no. Any chump stupid enough to pretend otherwise got everything he deserved.

Perhaps Nintendo thought they could cash in on the popularity of their _Brain Age_ titles with this cheap excuse of digitized plastic. I'll save you the trouble. You move Donkey Kong Jr. up and down the vines to — wait for it — solve basic math problems. And you compete against a friend, best of five. Wow. Let's see who can add up to 74 the fastest! Well, golly gee whiz. That sure sounds like fun. Like a kick in the head, it does.

Isn't this really just the videogame equivalent of eating rice cakes? If there's a worse insult, I can't think of it. I think we have a new crown for The Worst Videogame Ever. Why is Pink Floyd's "Pigs" from _Animals_ playing in my head just now? Ah, must be a coincidence. This is the sort of videogame that is probably used as a brainwashing tool for religious cults like The Movementarians or Super Adventure Club.

Allow me to publicly state for the record: no child in the 1980s ever asked for this. No child wanted to play math "games," even when they were forced on us in school and it was the only time we got to use a computer in the classroom. The original _Donkey Kong Jr. Math_ cartridge was maybe useful as a doorstop, or to hold up the weak leg of a kitchen table. Maybe you'll just want to smash the cartridge against a brick wall for kicks. It's literally the only way you will ever find satisfaction from this so-called game. Unfortunately, the digital Virtual Console release robs you of that one joy, so I don't know what you'd do. You should probably find something that belongs to Mom and Dad and break that instead.

### Duck Hunt

Nintendo for NES

Shooter

1985

Rating: 7/10

Most 1980s kids remember _Duck Hunt_ fondly as that charming light gun shooter that accompanied _Super Mario Brothers_ as the NES pack-in game. It was played only rarely, once in a great while, and despite the fact there's very little content, was always enjoyable, relaxing fun.

Looking back on the light gun games of that era, it's easy to see why _Duck Hunt_ endures. It's charming and full of character. For a shooting game, it feels relatively non-violent, with cartoon ducks who only appear to be knocked out, and your cheerful dog who's always got a big grin on his face. We all love that dog. He deserved to have his own videogame, certainly at least a cameo in _Nintendogs_ or _Super Smash Brothers_. Here is a shoot-em-up with a wide appeal, not just boys (your sisters would never lay a finger on, say, _Operation Wolf_ ).

Gameplay is extremely simple, three variations of target practice, including one with clay discs. You have ten waves of targets, with three shots each, and a quota of hits you must reach in order to proceed to the next round. Each round becomes more challenging, as the ducks become faster and more unpredictable and your quota rises. There is no story or progression towards a final goal; you simply play for high scores.

_Duck Hunt_ is lighthearted fun, a throwback to the Atari era (in its own way, it reminds me of Atari's _Air-Sea Battle_ ). It's one of those social events where friends and family can sit on the couch together, smiling and having fun and waiting for their turn to play. Two players can compete together, each with their own NES Zapper light gun, or player two can control the duck, which is a very nice twist. On the Wii U Virtual Console, Wii Remote control is available, with the added option of an on-screen cursor for beginners. I'm astonished that Nintendo waited until 2014 to release this game on VC, eight years after the Wii launched. Better late than never, I suppose.

Wii fans will immediately see the _Duck Hunt_ influence in the shooting range stage of _Wii Play_ (an excellent videogame that was mercilessly flogged by the haters and the creeps). That's probably my favorite mini-game of the collection, and I always wished Nintendo had allowed players to keep playing indefinitely, instead of a set number of rounds. And bring back the dog, too, while you're at it. Something there is that doesn't love that dog.

### Elevator Action

Taito for NES

Action

1987

Rating: 5/10

I'll say one thing in favor of _Elevator Action_ on the NES: the cover illustration looks really cool. It's a stylish piece of pop art design, reminding us of James Bond and endless spy thrillers without calling out anyone by name. It has a classic comic book feel. Pity the actual videogame doesn't look like this.

_Elevator Action_ was a favorite of mine on Saturday visits to the Aladdin's Castle at the Mariner Mall. On weekends when my father would visit for the weekend, the entire MacInnes clan would pack together in Grandpa's car and drive across the bay from Duluth to Superior. My father, grandfather and brother all enjoyed this videogame, although none of us were very good at it. I managed to make it to the second or third stage, but that was it.

I always enjoyed the cloak-and-dagger atmosphere of the game, where you play a secret agent who breaks into high-rise buildings to steal valuable documents that are hidden behind red doors. The hallways and rooms are crawling with enemy agents, all clad in black like _Spy vs Spy_. You escape by riding down endless arrays of escalators and elevators (hence the title). Your hero always appears laid back, unflappable, calmly shooting bad guys while walking a casual stroll. You're never really in a hurry to get anywhere. Yes, it's a bit silly, but it's all part of the 007 mystique.

_Elevator Action_ spawned a number of home versions of varying quality. the Commodore 64 version looks a bit clunky, but runs smoothly and has that spectacular SID chiptune music. The Nintendo Game Boy had an excellent version that expanded upon the original gameplay, adding weapon upgrades and a better jump-kick attack. _Elevator Action Old & New_ on Gameboy Advance offered two versions, one based on the original arcade, the other a cartoony upgrade. It's probably a little too cartoony, and not as compelling as the GB cartridge. Taito's arcade sequel, the excellent _Elevator Action Returns_ , appeared on Sega Saturn, where it is now one of the most valuable (read: expensive) titles for the system.

Where does Taito's NES conversion fit into this pack? Not very well. The graphics are fairly close to the arcade, but with a dramatically reduced color palette. I swear everything is drawn in five colors or less. The angled 3D graphics are also missing, rendering a much flatter look. Animation frames are also absent, and the timing of your character's movements are off. He shuffles too fast and jumps too slow. Everything moves a step slow, which only emphasizes the creeping sense of repetition.

Most annoying of all is the music, one of the catchiest of all videogame theme songs, recreated with a thin, tinny sound and no bass. It sounds like a toy piano, fer cryin' out loud. My ears are hurting! The NES could make wonderful music when in skilled musicians' hands; but in the wrong hands, it could sound like cats being strangled.

I can't imagine anyone in my family being very impressed with NES _Elevator Action_. They might still be happy to see the arcade version, which is now available in a number of formats. Kids in 1987 were not very impressed with this cartridge, especially with Konami's _Contra_ tearing up the charts. Taito's humble arcade classic found itself outclassed and outdated very quickly, which is unfortunate. But them's the brakes.

### Galaga

Namco for NES

Shooter

1988

Rating: 9/10

_Galaga_ is one of my all-time favorite videogames. It was a staple of arcade videogames in the early 1980s (what we now call the "second generation"). No matter where you found yourself, if there were video arcades present, _Galaga_ was probably among them. Even at the turn of the century, as coin-operated games were all but extinct, you could still find _Galaga_ and _Ms. Pac-Man_ at the local laundromat. In fact, I believe there is a laundromat in Uptown Minneapolis where that remains true today, in 2016. Isn't that crazy?

Taito's groundbreaking _Space Invaders_ revolutionized the video arcade scene in 1978, and essentially defined the look and feel of outer space shoot-em-ups for years. In 1979, Namco responded in kind with _Galaxian_ , which exchanged the planetary invasion scenario for interstellar bug-like ships that dance, swirl and dive at you. It was great fun, just original enough to stand apart from the many lazy copycat clones, challenging and addicting in its own right. _Galaxian_ out Namco on the map and the videogame world took notice.

By 1981, of course, Namco had completely conquered the world, thanks to their mega-superstar _Pac-Man_ , the greatest of all videogames; the company would continue to roll out a string of classic hits that included _Pole Position_ , _Rally-X_ , _Bosconian_ , _Dig Dug_ , _Mappy_ , _Xevious_ , and _The Tower of Druaga_. In addition to these, US arcade distributor Midway decided to publish a series of spectacular, if wholly unauthorized, _Pac-Man_ sequels: _Ms. Pac-Man_ , _Baby Pac-Man_ , _Pac-Man Jr.,_ _Pac-Man Plus_ , and _Professor Pac-Man_. And in midst of this glorious chaos, Namco dropped _Galaga_ into arcades.

_Galaga_ is easily one of the greatest videogames from the 1980s "Golden Age." It builds upon _Galaxian_ with sharper graphics, more vivid colors, more fluid animation, and faster sense of speed. Each stage, bug aliens descend in dancing, rolling waves, flying into formation. Some break from the pack in a perilous suicide crash. Others split into smaller aliens when shot. Red and yellow bees swirl and dive on your spaceship, dodging your lasers. Best of all are the flagships, which employ tractor beams that capture your ship.

Here lies the best gameplay element in _Galaga_. Once your ship has been captured, it is used by the flagship as a slave ship, aiding in its next attack run. But you have a trick up your sleeve. If you can destroy the alien ship in flight, the ship is liberated and joins to your ship, giving you double firepower. This becomes essential in later stages, as the speed and intensity ratchet up to three-espresso levels of stress.

The trick, of course, is to let the aliens capture your ship as quickly as possible, so you can get the twin-shot power-up. Be careful not to destroy too many flagships in the flyover portion of the stage, or they won't bring out the tractor beam. Another ProTip: don't fire your lasers when caught in the tractor beam; you might hit the enemy ship and break free, but you'll still be stuck with the single shot.

This game was terrific in its day, and time has taken none of its charms. Even when arcade shoot-em-ups evolved into scrolling roller coaster rides and psychedelic trips, _Galaga_ remained compelling, striking the right balance between ease of play and ever-building difficulty. The alien designs give it a slightly cutesy cartoon quality, which appeals to women more than most _muy macho_ arcade games. Everybody seems to enjoy playing another round or two. There's a reason why _Galaga_ and _Ms. Pac-Man_ have been joined at the hip for three decades.

Now to the home translations. Where _Galaxian_ was brought home to nearly every home format of the early 1980s, _Galaga_ received far less attention. Unofficial clones appeared on the BBC Micro, TRS-80, MS-DOS and Commodore 64. In Japan, it was more widespread, seeing official versions on the MSX, Fujitsu FM-7, Sharp computers, NEC PC 9801, Casio PV-2000, and Sega SG-1000.

On the console side, _Galaga_ was officially developed for the Atari 7800 in 1984 by General Computer Corporation (the creators of _Ms. Pac-Man_ and _Jr. Pac-Man_ ) and released with the system in 1986. For its time, this is a very good translation of the arcade. The graphics are notably chunkier, but charming in that Atari 7800 way. It either works for you or it doesn't. One thing won't work for you, however, are the hideously klonky sound effects and music, due to the hardware's use of the 2600 TIA sound chip.

There are also _Galaga_ ports on Nintendo's Game Boy and Game Boy Color, which are serviceable and much closer to the arcade. Compromises were necessary due to the small screen size and less powerful hardware, but fans would be happy to have a portable version of their beloved classic. Of the two, the GBC version is the one to get, but even the ancient GB cartridge is very playable.

That leaves us — finally! — with the NES version, easily the best home translation of _Galaga_. It's a nearly perfect copy, down to the last pixel and chiptune note. The difficulty is slightly lessened, but only a little, and only expert players will notice. The screen recreates the arcade monitor's vertical orientation by placing the scores and game data off to the side, something like a vertical letterbox. To my eyes, it looks better than the squashed perspective of the 7800 version. And when played on a CRT television, _Galaga_ looks glorious with its light streaking against a blackened background. If you've only played classic videogames on a digital HD display, you've missed out. Find yourself a working Sony Trinitron and see for yourself.

One final note: _Galaga_ is included in the first volume of the excellent _Namco Museum_ series which first arrived on the Sony Playstation in 1995 (Japan) and 1996 (US). This version, and all others to follow, are arcade emulations, meaning that you have a perfect copy of the original program code. Some of you may be wondering why we even bother with "inferior" home translations when the arcade titles are now available. It's important to understand that the relationship between arcade and home videogames runs long and deep. Each home version of a coin-op classic may be different, may cut corners or omit details or make changes, but they are unique in their own right. They have a certain charm unique to that platform. And we must understand that such home games were the product of skilled programmers, tasked with rewriting program code for weaker, less powerful platforms. The greatness of these works lies in how effectively programmers and designers capture the spirit of the original work. And sometimes, but not always, the translation is truer to that elusive spirit. The humble videogame is more than the sum of its parts, more than "graphics, sound, gameplay."

Human beings dedicated their lives to this craft, this unique form of media. They deserve to be honored, respected, understood. This is history. This matters.

### Gradius

Konami for NES

Shooter

1987

Rating: 9/10

_Gradius_ was not the first side-scrolling shoot-em-up, nor was it the first to follow a linear path to reach a final goal, unlike the high score contests like _Asteroids_ and _Defender_. _Vanguard_ did everything first; Konami's own _Scramble_ and _Super Cobra_ did everything first. Even home computer games such as _Choplifter_ and _Fort Apocalypse_ staked their territory first. But _Gradius_ was crucial in recognizing the titanic sea change brought about by the Videogame Crash of 1983, and its resurrection at the hands of _Super Mario Brothers_. Konami saw where the new wave was heading and jumped onboard.

Among the post-Crash arcade shooters, two titles stand as the most influential: Konami's _Gradius_ and Irem's _R-Type_. And their brilliance lies in how they applied _Super Mario's_ mechanics to shoot-em-ups. You have thematic worlds, level designs that vary in tempo and rhythm, multiple power-ups, hidden secrets, challenging boss battles, a final goal instead of aiming for high scores. Narrative has entered the picture.

Each level in _Gradius_ is a world unto itself. You begin with a wave of easily-disposed spaceships, ones that always follow in a straight conga line. The overture music plays for a short time, and then the spaceships withdraw as the land mass emerges.The first level sends you through a world with mountains above and below, enemy cannons firing from all angles, ships that fly in and out, robot walkers that stalk you, bunkers that ambush you. You face a "boss," which sometimes includes natural events like volcanic eruptions. Finally, the coda: a large spaceship whose core must be destroyed to proceed. It's all very operatic, very theatrical.

Later worlds feature floating islands, giant space bubbles that must be burst ( _Thunder Force 3_ and _Gaiares_ both stole this idea), organic alien lairs (a motif Konami would revisit with _Contra_ ), and everybody's favorites, the giant Easter Island Moai statues, giant heads that shoot o-rings at you. Each locale is different from the last, and you can see the _Super Mario_ influence. Don't let anybody fool you: in the 1980s, every videogame was trying to be Mario. _Gradius_ even features hidden bonus points that are awarded when you fly in certain locations. It's enough to make kids wonder if a Minus World is tucked away somewhere.

Ah, yes, speaking of easter eggs! _Gradius_ marks the first appearance of the most popular videogame easter egg of all time: The Konami Code. Repeat after me: up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start. You can use this once per level to fully equip your spaceship. These kind of codes were de rigeur on the NES, included in most games, but Konami had the sense to use the same exact code, game after game, until it became a mythology unto itself. Every time you pop in a Konami cartridge, the first thing you'll do is test out the Code and see what prize you'll get.

I really enjoy the game's power-up system, which doles out red icons as a currency which you use to "spend" on ship upgrades such as faster speed, laser cannons, missiles, shields, or small pulsating spheres called "options" that follow you around, mimicking your shots. The best power-ups, of course, are also the most expensive, so you have to wisely spend your money. If you get killed, you'll lose everything and have to resume play with only your basic pea-shooter, so this becomes a real source of tension in the latter levels.

NES _Gradius_ is very close to the arcade; I actually prefer the music in this version, which plays in a lower and more satisfying key. NES music was the greatest, full of melodies and harmonies that stayed in your head forever. It always puts a smile on my face. This is really the moment where Konami, and the NES, come into their own. This is when they both become really great. Definitely one of the best titles for the system. Highly recommended.

### Ice Hockey

Nintendo for NES

Sports

1988

Rating: 8/10

I'm not a fan of Nintendo's early NES sports titles. They were decent, competent videogames meant to reassure a rattled public after the industry-wide collapse in 1983 and 1984. But they're all uniformly bland, generic, toothless, banal. Boring. None of those words will ever describe _Ice Hockey_. Somehow, miraculously, Nintendo managed to perfect their formula for simple arcade sports games, and deliver one of their all-time classics.

I remember playing _Ice Hockey_ now and then during the NES era, and despite the fact that Konami's _Blades of Steel_ was flashier, cooler, and more involving in every way, Nintendo's little game remained charming and fun. Years later, long after my Sega Genesis collection included a long stack of _NHL Hockey_ titles, I was surprised to rediscover its simple joys. It's fun to skate these fat little kids around the ice, knocking each other around.

_Ice Hockey_ has never claimed to be anything more than a simple, arcade-style hockey game, and despite the likes of _Blades of Steel_ and EA Sports, this little title has always held its own. Perhaps this is a reason why Nintendo dropped so many early NES titles in the early days of Virtual Console; they're trying to recapture that magic of gameplay that transcends graphics. It makes perfect sense, given that was their argument in favor of the DS and Wii systems.

Gameplay options are simple and direct: one or two players, a choice of international teams, no tournaments or playoffs, no official league or player licenses, only one rink, and a choice of three player body types. Naturally, everyone will want to play as the fat kids, because they can muscle around all the faster, scrawnier players. To heck with the speed, it won't make a difference. You want all Cartmans on your team.

_Ice Hockey_ succeeds where Nintendo's other sports titles have failed by providing fast action, responsive controls, a strong sense of pacing. This feels like hockey, even if the players all resemble Weebles. They move quickly and slide appropriately, and it's much better than the herky-jerky motion seen on _Soccer_ and _Baseball_ and _Volleyball_. Personally, I think the gameplay is smoother than _Blades of Steel_ , the size of the rink more spacious. Yes, the graphics are cartoony and basic, as colorful as a box of breakfast cereal. Yes, the sound effects and music are also basic, chirpy and twangy in that early NES way, but Nintendo succeeded where it counts. They focused on the fundamentals and discarded everything else. It's what Nintendo does. See: _Wii Sports_ , _Wii Play_ , _Wii Fit_ , _Wii Sports Resort_.

The only downside I can think of is how goalies are controlled: directly by the player, while also controlling another skater. It makes for awkward performance on defense, since moving your skater up or down also moves the goalie. You'll have to abandon one position for another as you try to stop the other team's offense. It can lead to a lot of frustration. But, to be fair, _Blades of Steel_ was exactly the same. Computer-controlled goalies wouldn't arrive until Electronic Arts dropped _NHL Hockey_ on the Genesis in 1991. This is a problem you'll just have to learn to live with.

A four-player option would really open up the defense, letting someone focus exclusively on the goalie and freeing up the rest of the team. Why Nintendo never revived this title remains a mystery to me. Why didn't they expand _Wii Sports_ into individual sports titles, and expand into other sports like hockey? It would be a license to print money. Unfortunately, it appears Nintendo grew tired of making so much money. They threw the Wii out like it was yesterday's trash and embraced a disastrous tablet/Xbox hybrid controller that nobody liked. How strange. Don't look at me, I tried to warn Nintendo, but it's like arguing with the clouds. Right or wrong, nobody can tell them what to do. They are such an inscrutable, unpredictable bunch.

### The Legend of Kage

Irem for NES

Action

1986

Rating: 2/10

I've seen recently that Irem (or whoever still owns their catalog) is planning to hit us with a Nintendo DS update to _The Legend of Kage_. Are they kidding? Is there something wrong with them?

If reputation counts for anything, than I can calmly declare right now that the DS _Legend of Kage_ will royally suck. It will suck eggs, and only sad sacks and escaped mental patients will be dumb enough to be suckered into buying it. The original game is that bad, folks. The stench of the dead permeates everything attached to that name.

There's a reason why _Ninja Gaiden_ was instantly hailed as a masterpiece when it was made in 1989: it was the first NES ninja game that wasn't a hideous train wreck. Before that, your best option was, what? _Kid Niki, Radical Ninja_? Ouch. That's painful.

_The Legend of Kage_ was a lousy arcade game, where it was then ported onto the NES and became a lousy Nintendo game. And it wasn't even a good translation. We're talking levels of cow dung, the way Dante talked about the circles of hell. This game is in a whole new realm of stinky, smelly...ahem. Pardon. My bad.

Supposedly, you are expected to run along the ground, slashing at ninjas and enemies that run and fall from the sky, without ever having any hope of hitting anything. Then you're also expected to jump three stories high and hit things in the trees. How you can do this remains a mystery, since the hero's movements are so sloppy, and the jumping so bizarre, you'll never pull it off. Most videogames worked out a system for basic physics; things like gravity and motion, how high and how far a character can run and jump and fly. It's fairly consistent, for the most part. _Legend of Kage_ doesn't follow any of that math. In fact, I don't think this title could count past two.

This game is fundamentally broken. What's the point of shovelling this dreck onto the Virtual Console? What's the use? Oh, I know: sucker the dumb and the blind into shelling out cash for an old game in order to sell a new game. I think that's a good marketing strategy, when we're talking about one of the classics like _Metroid_ or _Super Mario Brothers_. But for this bucket of gravy slop? Five bucks? Potential buyers are clearly too stupid to have money. Get yourself another hobby, something safer. Like licking stamps or drinking cough syrup.

### The Legend of Zelda

Nintendo for NES

Adventure

1986

Rating: 10/10

#### I.

Back in 2009, when I was finally successful in scoring a Nintendo Wii, one of the first videogames I purchased was _The Legend of Zelda_ on Virtual Console. I hadn't played it extensively since my early college days, thanks to my then-girlfriend who was a massively devoted fan. Since then, I skipped out on Nintendo's reissue cartridge on Gameboy Advance, and only dabbled on rare occasions on FCE Ultra, the homebrew computer emulator.

I began playing, expecting only an hour or so of light, nostalgic fun. A couple days later, I had to pry myself away from my Wii Remote. I don't remember if I ate or slept that weekend, one of those sort of weekends. I came away with two surprising insights: the original _Legend of Zelda_ still rocked, and Nintendo really let their series fall into mediocrity over the years. This I did not expect.

For the longest time, I was convinced there was something wrong with me because I stopped enjoying the _Zelda_ series. _The Wind Waker_ struck me as needlessly cartoonish and dumb. _Twilight Princess_ struck me as too bloated and drawn out (although it was clearly reaching back to _Ocarina of Time_ after the Gamecube fan backlash had kicked in the doors). _Phantom Hourglass_ felt infantile and endlessly boring. Heck, even _Majora's Mask_ , a quirky title I ought to champion, bored me to tears. _Spirit Tracks_ and _Skyward Sword_ were, frankly, enormously stupid.

Surely, something had to be wrong. I must have missed something, or woken with a bad headache to be so grouchy. I loved the early _Zelda's_ up to 1998's _Ocarina_ , which is just about the greatest videogame ever made. The games weren't bad, and Nintendo at least continued to try new ideas within its increasingly stale formula. Something was off, and I couldn't put my finger on it. But once I reconnected with the original 1986 _Zelda_ , everything snapped into focus. I understood exactly where Nintendo went wrong.

_The Legend of Zelda_ is one of Nintendo's most iconic videogames. It is nearly as influential as _Super Mario Brothers_ , and can be thought of as its cousin. Both games inhabit a similar obsession with parallel worlds, one on the surface, the other hidden away in the corners of the screen and packed with surprises. Both built upon the genre innovations of recent years to create something new. And their feet were equally grounded in classic arcade games.

So what happened to the _Zelda_ franchise? Nintendo took the "Action" out of "Action-RPG." Like most videogame developers, they became obsessed with being perceived as "artists," "rock stars" or "movie directors." They became obsessed with mainstream cultural acceptance, apart from the negative stereotype of computer programming nerds. They became obsessed with predictable, simple "puzzles" at the expense of action. They became obsessed with "stories" and "characters," even though hardly anyone possessed any talent or skill for it (mostly aping bad Hollywood blockbuster movie cliches). "Arcade videogames" became associated with everything these creators sought to avoid.

#### II.

Nintendo should remember their roots. _The Legend of Zelda_ fiendishly fused fast-paced arcade games to adventurous Role-Playing Games, creating a template that would be copied for decades. The old man you meet at the beginning isn't kidding; it is dangerous outside. You begin armed only with that basic sword and shield, no technique other than forward stabbing, and low in health. The countryside is covered with all varieties of fearsome monsters that quickly overwhelm you. You are outmanned and outgunned. And it's all a terrific rush; this world is exciting because it is dangerous.

The early enemies are unpredictable, dodging or changing direction suddenly, or firing arrows in your direction when you least expect it. The overworld often has a maze-like quality, with rows of rocks or trees keeping you hedged in a single line. You can become pinned down under fire, often scrambling to escape rather than defeat your foes. Sea creatures appear from the lakes to fire at you. Crawling insects snap out of the earth. Other monsters hop like frogs. Still others shoot projectiles. Things never become easy. Your goal isn't to make it to the next character cut-scene, but survive a hostile world.

The world of _Zelda_ is vast and varied, and enormously impressive by 1986 standards. There are valleys, forests, deserts, mountains and oceans. Best of all, you are free to travel nearly everywhere, and it's this non-linearity that is the game's best quality. You are encouraged to take the large dungeons (each hiding a boss monster who guides a pieces of the Triforce you are seeking to recover), but these can be taken in any order. Indeed, you could spend hours fighting monsters and saving money to purchase the most powerful sword and shield, or collect any number of power-up items, giving you an early advantage. Or you could choose to skip everything and tackle your quest with the basic weapons. It's all up to you.

Like _Super Mario Brothers_ , _The Legend of Zelda_ has its own shadow world of secrets, usually hidden behind walls or underneath trees. Later adventure videogames would make things easier by pointing out which rocks to detonate with bombs, introducing helpful characters, or forcing a more linear structure. I love how the original adventure doesn't hold your hand or give out any hints at all. Want to find that secret store that sells bombs? Looking for those extra potions? Where was that villager who lets me gamble Rupees? How do I find more hearts so I don't die so many times? Why can't I find those other dungeons? ProTip: You're on your own, kid. Tough luck.

You can appreciate why kids in the 1980s played _Legend of Zelda_ obsessively for months and years. We literally had to bomb every rock, every tree, every inch of wall in the world. The more skillful players would create their own maps or craft their own mini-strategy guide. For kids today, this must sound like torture, but for my generation, this was glorious. Hyrule grew into an epic realm because of this. Having to battle for every square inch of space made the world more involving, more exciting. Its discoveries were more exciting, its surprises more enchanting.

I enjoy this parallel structure, of seen and unseen, of overworld and dungeon, of action and role-play, of video and computer games. _The Legend of Zelda_ is a work of alchemical fusion that creates something truly unique. I don't think anybody else has ever equalled this formula. For classic videogames, _Golvellius_ and _Neutopia 2_ are the brightest students; the _Skyrim_ series is arguably the best modern take on _Zelda_. Nintendo's own sequels like _Link to the Past_ and _Ocarina of Time_ would expand Hyrule's world, flesh out its characters, and offer greater varieties in gameplay. But I think the original NES _Legend of Zelda_ (and its very underrated sequel, _The Adventure of Link_ ) is the most action-packed, the most intense, the toughest, and in many ways, the most satisfying.

### Lunar Pool

Compile for NES

Sports

1987

Rating: 3/10

Compile, one of the true classic development houses, churned out numerous shoot-em-ups over the years, and are probably best remembered for creating the _Puyo Puyo_ series of competitive puzzlers. They also were responsible for this little-seen NES game, published by Pony Canyon in Japan and FCI in North America. It's a videogame version of billiards. It sucks.

Alright, I should probably go into more detail. There really isn't much point. There has always been a pecking order as far as game publishers are concerned. Still is. Back in the NES days, the top dogs were Konami, Capcom, Tecmo, and Nintendo themselves. FCI and Pony Canyon were pushing the table scraps. These were the sorry videogames that clueless parents and relatives would buy for you as Christmas presents. You'd open the package, knowing that it was a Nintendo game just because of the box, and it would turn out to be something like _Super Pitfall_ or _Lunar Pool_. It's like being handed a can of lima beans. And then being told that your Christmas present is also your birthday present, since they're so close together. Hmph. Thanks, Santa. Thanks for nothing. Jerk.

I've always wondered why certain videogames ever get made. These are the pointless games, the ones that simulate, for a premium price, something that you could do, just as easily, for free or a handful of coins. Did some dimwit actually once try to make a game out of Hide-and-Seek? Or Tarot cards? Or board games? What dumb schmuck would play a video board game? There's a whole closet full of the real deal, and nobody you knew ever wanted to touch them, apart from _Monopoly_ or _Checkers_ , or maybe _Risk_ , if you're the kind to go through that teenage boy _Risk_ phase. Teaches you the valuable lesson of never-ending wars and pointless stalemates (the goal of _Risk_ is to learn never to waste your time playing _Risk_ ).

So what's the point in making a video pool game? Really, what's the use? I never paid more than a buck to play on a real pool table, with real balls and a real cue stick. Most times I'd play for free. I once lived in an apartment that had two free tables. Why would I pay money to try some simple-minded, scaled down computer hack job? Why would I spend five bucks for the experience of feeling ripped off and bored? I already had that experience. I went to college.

To be fair, _Lunar Pool_ at least is competent, which means that you can hit the balls and expect them to skittle off in the right direction, more or less. There are a number of strange, oddball tables, which appear to be challenging but somehow end up being embarrassingly easy. I think I cleared two or three boards on my first try. No missed shots. No fun.

What the heck is this doing on the Virtual Console? There are hundreds of titles to choose from in the NES library. It remains, arguably, the greatest videogame console ever made. Why are all the lousy titles getting released? Where's _Contra_ and _Strider_? Where's _Batman_ and _Journey to Silius_? Who's in charge of quality control around here?

### MACH Rider

Nintendo for NES

Racing

1985

Rating: 5/10

_MACH Rider_ is a NES launch title from 1985, one of the first wave of launch titles. It is an arcade racing title with combat elements added in for good measure. It is one of those dystopian sci-fi landscapes that were popular in the cyberpunk 1980s, the age of William Gibson novels, _Blade Runner_ , _Mad Max_ , the underground rumblings of punk rock. Here is one of those rare moments when Nintendo sheds its kiddie cartoon image and gets gritty. Well, gritty for a 1985 videogame.

What we have here is a fairly basic racing game loaded with obstacles and guns. You have to race along a series of courses, avoiding rival vehicles, large boulders, oil drums, oil slicks, and the occasional change in weather, all while racing along rapid-fire curves that twist and turn. Four gameplay modes are available, including a track editor, which was a common feature on the home computers at that time.

_MACH Rider_ may have seemed a novel enough idea in 1985; its main inspiration was the arcade classic _Spy Hunter_ , which gave us the James Bond fantasy of fast guns armed with machine guns, rockets, and smoke screens. Also in 1985, Sega dropped one of their all-time classics: _Hang-On_ , which reinvented arcade racing games with its amazingly smooth graphics and blistering speed. Two years later, Atari Games took Nintendo's racing/combat idea and ran away with it, creating one of their greatest hits, _Roadblasters_.

You can see where this is going, yes? _MACH Rider_ quickly found itself outclassed and outdated. It's a bit unfair, but such is the way of things. _Super Mario Brothers_ managed to age gracefully, despite the 500,000 videogames birthed in its wake. This title, however, has not been so lucky. The racing has been surpassed by _Hang-On_ and its descendents; the combat elements have been surpassed by _Roadblasters_. The gameplay is competent, the controls work as they should, your motorbike is sufficiently fast. But nothing really excels or rises above the fray. There are no "Wow!" moments that leap out at you, or any great surprises.

Don't let the temptation of a track editor hook you in. What this game boils down to is a series of twists and turns. You turn left. You turn right. Sometimes you drive straight. That's pretty much it. Not a lot of nuance or variety. I think the shoot-em-up angle was Nintendo's main focus, as the track is overly cluttered with obstacles and other drivers, most of whom have no problems with smacking you from behind without warning if you're driving too slow.

I really never liked getting rammed from behind; that's a cheap shot meant to make me drive at top speed all the time. But why then include a four-gear manual transmission? As soon as your bike begins to move, you simply jack into fourth gear and you're blazing away. Now and then, winter weather will force you into third, lest you slide off the road and crash into an oil drum. Hitting oil slicks or water puddles do the same thing; they just push you off the track, when a slight nudge or spin would have worked better.

One massive gameplay flaw: when turning, your guns still only shoot straight ahead. How the heck am I supposed to hit incoming obstacles without crashing? Answer: you can't. But we're going to make sure the road is always littered with junk. It's like the designers had no better ideas than "make everything harder," without properly testing those ideas out. "Whoops, sorry about that. Can we still have your money?"

No dice. I'm spending my money on _Roadblasters_.

### Mario Bros.

Nintendo for NES

Action

1983

Rating: 7/10

Nintendo's _Mario Bros._ was a massive success when it hit arcades in 1983, hot on the heels of _Donkey Kong_ , _Donkey Kong Jr_ , and _Popeye_. Its two-player action was both unique and extremely addictive. The game is a single-screen platformer, where brothers Mario and Luigi must dispatch waves of troublesome turtles, crabs and bugs that are clogging up the city pipes and sewers. Players can work together as a team, or play competitively for high scores and bragging rights. Watch out that Mario doesn't "accidentally" bump you into that angry crab.

It's a bit surreal to see the original _Mario Bros._ become so completely overwhelmed by its groundbreaking sequel. This is to be expected, of course. _Super Mario Bro_ thers changed the very nature of videogames, established a new paradigm of gameplay and world design, and single-handedly resurrected the dedicated console from the dead. The original title didn't change the world; it wasn't a _Sgt. Peppe_ r or a _Citizen Kane_. It was merely a highly entertaining multiplayer videogame. _Mario Bros._ has become the Luigi of videogames, lost under Mario's eternal shadow. It's unfair but that's life.

All throughout the 1980s, _Mario Bros._ was among the most popular titles for the arcades and its many home versions: Atari, Colecovision, Commodore 64, Apple II. On my Atari 800XL, it was easily among the five most-played games among friends and family. I think these home versions still hold up today, to varying degrees. The simple joystick controls are fast and responsive, and anybody can play a few rounds. Of course, we can now play a perfect emulation of the arcade original, thanks to MAME, so this largely become academic except for those who collect for the classic systems.

In 1988, Atari Corp released _Mario Bros._ for the XE system, which was actually an 8-bit computer sans keyboard and packaged in a garish plastic case. This version is the most complete of all home translations, including the introductory cutscenes, where Mario demonstrates how to dispatch the next wave of enemies clogging the pipes. I always imagine the graphics being stronger than they actually appear. On modern emulators, it looks a bit garish, but the details are present and the smooth gameplay is perfectly captured. That said, I do feel a bit sorry for Atari, thinking that this could somehow compete with the NES.

And what to make of The NES/Famicom version? Another problem of perception. In my mind's eye, Nintendo dropped the ball. Their _Mario Bros_. is missing the cutscenes and pre-stage text, the graphics are close but not exact (Mario and Luigi are missing their eyes, turtles are simplified), and the rich, digitally sampled audio is missing. Like most of the early NES titles, this felt like a cop-out, a cheap day job handed to some unlucky programmer on a Saturday afternoon. We're not asking for the Egyptian pyramids here. We're asking for an arcade game conversion that, frankly, ought to be a cinch.

In reality, NES _Mario Bros._ is extremely solid, and compares favorably to its rivals. Controls are very fluid and responsive, and it's always fun to knock Luigi into an angry crab. And the graphics are very solid, better than any of Atarisoft's attempts (although the XE and C64 versions have their charms). There's a solidity to the colors that is welcome. The character designs are charming. And multiplayer is always a rush, making and breaking friendships in mere seconds.

In 1988, Nintendo revisited _Mario Bros._ on their Famicom Disc Service, which improved the graphics, restored the stage introductions, and changed the jumping mechanics to allow freer movement. This version was later released in Europe in 1993 under the NES Classics banner, and became the foundation for the later semi-sequel on the Gameboy Advance. I'm not sure why Nintendo didn't release that version to Virtual Console, instead of the original 1983 cartridge. It probably wouldn't make sense to have two versions of the same videogame under a pay-per-title model. A Netflix subscription model, along with universal platform access, would be much better.

The $64,000 Question beckons: Which home version of _Mario Bros._ is the best? That's a tough call. It probably comes down to which platform you owned back in the day. They're all fun to play. Heck, there's a 2012 homebrew release on Colecovision that is absolutely smashing; Mario has a rolling animation that is sublime. I'd love to see all of these _Marios_ available on VC. You can't go wrong wherever you look.

### Mega Man

Capcom for NES

Action

1988

Rating: 6/10

_Mega Man_ is one of Capcom's signature series, having endured for the better part of three decades with no sign of slowing down. Checking the math, I discover that this series includes: 10 proper _Mega Man_ titles, 11 _Mega Man X_ titles, 21 _Mega Man Battle Network_ titles, seven _Mega Man Star Force_ titles, four _Mega Man Legends_ games, four _Mega Man Zero_ games, two _Mega Man ZX_ games. There are 35 mobile-exclusive titles, nine portable games (Game Boy, etc.), 14 "greatest hits" compilations, ten spinoffs, and four PC releases. Oy, froynlaven, my head is spinning in cyclones.

Long before the videogame industry as a whole caught on, Capcom learned the fine art of running a videogame franchise into the ground. And we're not even mentioning the many Capcom fighting games where Mega Man or his friends make an appearance. Years before the practice ever became standard, before even Electronic Arts became addicted to their yearly sports installments, Capcom and their famous Blue Bomber was there.

_Mega Man_ may have launched an endless series of sequels and spin-offs, but its beginnings are far more humble, as a standard scrolling action-platformer on the NES in 1987, the same year as Konami's era-defining _Contra_. One of these two games would become a monster success; the other a minor disappointment. One would struggle over the course of its sequels to regain that initial peak; the other would grow into greatness over time.

As an arcade-style action videogame, _Mega Man_ has many qualities. Its lightning-fast pacing and superb rhythm always keeps you on your toes. Enemies robots, obstacles and traps lie behind every corner, and your reflexes must be razor sharp. You always have to stay on your toes. There is never a dull moment or lag in the action, never a time when you aren't dodging bullets, shooting enemies, or jumping across those eternally frustrating disappearing blocks you'll never memorize.

The character designs are charming, slightly cartoony; the bad guys all wear Garfield eyes, and it's endearing. The hero has an iconic quality in his simplicity. I always thought _Mega Man_ lost something with advancing technology; the little guy never looked as good when drawn with hundreds or thousands of colors. And don't get me started on polygon graphics. He's an 8-bit hero to the bone.

Capcom allows you to tackle _Mega Man's_ six main stages in any order, adding a degree of flexibility that is nice. It also introduces a strategic element to the game. Your quest is to defeat robot overlords who have run amok; when you defeat them, you'll gain their powers. And these robots are often vulnerable to specific weapons. If you can find the "correct" order, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache and frustration. It's an inventive twist of design that will blossom in the sequels.

This first _Mega Man_ is hard, brutishly difficult. This is the age of NES videogames that just beat you like a gong. Even with the puzzle-like element of your power-up weapons, the levels are extremely challenging, and the robot showdowns are knock-down, bloody-knuckle fights. You're going to have your hands full. Of all the _Mega Man_ games on the NES, this is by far the most difficult and, honestly, the least satisfying. Have I mentioned those stupid disappearing blocks? Okay, then.

This brings up another important issue: like the _James Bond_ movies, _Mega Man_ will always rise and fall on the cleverness of his gadgets and strength of his villains. Both elements are sadly lacking in this first episode. I fail to remember any memorable weapons, besides Cut Man's blades and Guts Man's heavy lifting ability. I have a hard time remembering anything, even if my last game was only a few days ago. I think there was an ice stage with some underwater segments, or somethin'. Maybe I was thinking of Yogi Bear cartoons instead.

Everything in this futuristic world has an urban construction-like vibe, like a city of half-completed skyscrapers. Everything feels generic, half-finished or rusted out. It's nowhere near as exciting as the elemental and sci-fi stages of _Mega Man 2_ , which is where this series really takes off. Now that is a perfect videogame. Everything is perfectly balanced, looks sharp and varied, sounds wonderful, with some of the greatest chiptune music ever conceived. _Mega Man 1_ doesn't quite possess those qualities. It's close to the mark but still narrowly misses. The cake just needs more time in the oven to bake. The team needs another preseason game to smooth out the kinks. Whatever. You can use your own favorite metaphor.

The original NES _Mega Man_ is probably best remembered for its famously bad cover design, which has been mercilessly mocked and parodied for years. I'm reminded of many indie games released on home computers in the early 1980s, often on cassette tape and sold for a couple bucks. The cover illustrations were always amateurish, simple, pure basement DIY. The actual videogame never looked as good, or as garish, as what the cover imagined. But the punk vibe was unforgettable.

Remember the cover for _Jet Set Willy_? Now that's an inspired illustration. Capcom probably should have used that one for the cover of this game. At least it would be more honest than their crayon sketch.

### Metroid

Nintendo for NES

Adventure

1986

Rating: 6/10

Interesting that _Metroid_ and _Super Metroid_ were released on Virtual Console one week apart from the other. Unlike the _Mario_ and _Zelda_ games, which have been more spaced apart, Nintendo was keen to hype the _Metroid_ name for _Metroid Prime 3_ , their latest and biggest Wii title of that season. In any event, this is a smart move for gamers. If you're going to reissue the classic franchises, don't dawdle. Roll everything out quickly.

Now here is where I put my foot down and declare my own independence. Every videogame magazine — assuming some still exist — and website will offer the usual chirpy praises of the original 1986 _Metroid_ , dump syrup and sugar on top of it all, and basically do Nintendo's marketing job for them. Forget that. What's the point of even writing about these games? Somebody show me a different angle, a new view. Hell, just talk about how things were when you were playing these games on your NES ages ago. Enough lazy prozine hype. Just gimme some truth.

So here's the sober rundown, folks: _Metroid the First_ isn't anywhere near as good as its reputation. The series' mythic status comes from the later games; alright, be honest, _Super Metroid_. It's all about _Super Metroid_. _Metroid 2_ on the Gameboy was good but not great, mostly a long bug hunt. The Gameboy Advance sequels ( _Fusion_ , _Zero Mission_ ) were mildly disappointing. _Metroid Prime_ was a thinking man's _Doom_ , very smartly designed and executed, but still trapped within the FPS genre. _Metroid Prime Pinball_ was great, but it was a spinoff that aped Naxat's classic _Devil's Crush_ far more than any other title. And the original game that started it all, all those years ago, is a glorified corridor shooter.

The _Metroid_ mystique? That's all on the third Metroid. That's the game with the atmosphere, the heaviness, the brood. It's the "Empire Strikes Back" of the series, the "Led Zeppelin IV." You get the idea.

I think for its time, _Metroid_ helped to carve out the new age of adventure platformers, following in the footsteps of _Super Mario Brothers_ and _The Legend of Zelda_. These were the classics that reinvented videogames, pushed them beyond the single-screen arcade caves of the Atari era, and into a brave new world. But while I believe _Mario_ and _Zelda_ remained compelling videogames, as their sequels continued to define their genres, poor _Metroid_ was left behind, passed over by more capable adventurers. To think of one example: _Master Blaster_. Or _Simon's Quest_.

I think the original _Metroid_ , at heart, remains essentially an arcade game. It's a corridor shooter with the screens stretched out. The adventure elements would remain standard for every _Metroid_ to come, and so many other action-adventure titles, mainly finding stronger power-ups and weapons and suits. It's only benefit is to enable you to fight stronger versions of the same bug aliens. I'm kind of reminded of something George Orwell wrote in _1984_ , that the goal of any war is to be in a stronger position to fight the next war. _Metroid_ plays out something like that.

I never really was a fan of the first game. By the time I jumped onto the NES bandwagon, there were better versions of the same formula. The graphics style, impressive for 1986, aged very quickly, and became simplistic and surprisingly sterile by the decade's end. A lot of early NES games are like that, actually. Just pull out _Golgo 13_ sometime and see what that does for ya. Try not to stare at those Duke Togo shoes. Ugh.

But here's the thing that always turned me off with this game: the corridors are too damned long. Those vertical pits just go on forever and ever. And the horizontal rooms go on twice as long. There really are only two different areas in _Metroid_ , the vertical and the horizontal. And I have to keep hopping up on the same patterns of platforms again and again and again and again. And then I enter through a bubble door, only to do it all over again. Only this time with different background graphics and a palette swap. Ugh.

No dice. At least, not for me. The benefit of franchise videogames that repeat the same formula is that I can play the later, more refined versions. The first game is always a rough practice run. Heck, this has been Electronic Arts' mantra for the past two decades. You know it always takes a couple years for designers and programmers to work the kinks out in their games. _Metroid_ is just like that. It suggests a level of depth and style and sophistication that really isn't there. What we have is a pot of dirt and a bag of seeds. All that's needed, really, are sunshine, water, and plenty of time.

### NES Play Action Football

Nintendo for NES

Sports

1990

Rating: 4/10

Across the spectrum of video gaming, there's something you learn fairly quickly: Nintendo can't do sports games. They really can't. Only on rare occasions could they create a really great one; definitely _Ice Hockey_ on the NES, maybe _Mike Tyson's Punch-Out_. _Wii Sports_ and _Wii Sports Resort_ definitely qualify. These are rare exceptions to the rule.

For the sake of this review, the important thing to know is that this videogame is not _Tecmo Super Bowl_. This is _NES Play Action Football_ , NOT _Tecmo Super Bowl_.

Thank you and goodnight!

What, you want more? Why? What would be the point? _Play Action Football_ sucks. No, really, it sucks like a bilge pump. It's a shame, actually; you can tell that it's a game Nintendo put great effort and time into. I will give them that much credit. The graphics, the whole visual presentation, are top notch. Not only do you have players that are large and drawn nicely, but numerous animated scoreboard sequences appear after crucial plays. You have something that, in the modern mindset, would be a strong foundation for future versions.

But here's the problem. Well, the problem after the fact that it's not _Tecmo Super Bowl_. It's just this game doesn't play very well. It's incredibly slow and choppy. Do you remember those old _Game and Watch_ handhelds that Nintendo made in the early '80s? _Play Action Football_ moves exactly like that. I can't even call it animation, really. The players don't move. They just shuffle from one still pose to the next down the field.

Perhaps the NES just couldn't handle speed with a field full of players, I thought. But then I clicked on...you know, that other title, wink, wink. And that game plays fast and smooth, with no problems.

Then consider that _Play Action Football_ switches to a faraway aerial view for pass plays. See those screenshot on the back of the box? Forget it. The closeup view is replaced with tiny ants. And they still move in patches. So I really don't know what Nintendo was thinking. Either the programmers were too inexperienced, or the game was designed way over in Japan, where no one in their right minds has any clue what the heck "American Football" is all about.

But then, once again, we have Tecmo. So those excuses are thrown out the window.

And have I mentioned that I couldn't find the running plays for my offense? There's only a handful of plays in the entire game, and I can't find any running plays. Which only adds to the confusion when the computer runs the ball. And then it just hikes the ball to the running back, which confuses me more. Did the programmers even know what this sport was, or did they just watch a videotape of a British rugby match one Saturday afternoon? Maybe they watched a commercial on TV once. Harumph.

At least the scoreboard clips are nice. Whatever. _Tecmo Bowl_ smokes this effort by a country mile, and _Tecmo Super Bowl_ leapfrogs the lot of 'em. Hang onto your cash for those gems, folks. And somebody tell Nintendo to stop making bad sports videogames, not until they can learn the rules.

### Ninja Gaiden

Tecmo for NES

Action

1989

Rating: 10/10

In an age when Sony sells over 100 million Playstations worldwide, and the videogames industry boasts of bigger profits than Hollywood, this has become a bona-fide part of the popular culture. But does it have lasting value? Is it a form of entertainment succeeding generations will return to, or is this just an endlessly disposable product, tossed aside when the newest wave of computer hardware hits?

Noticing the decline, rise, and subsequent decline of Nintendo from the console scene — first with the ailing Nintendo 64, Virtual Boy and GameCube, then the renaissance of Nintendo DS and Wii, then the astonishing reversal (in fortunes and intent) with 3DS and Wii U — reminds me of their glory days. A little over two decades ago, Nintendo held a virtual monopoly on videogames with its Nintendo Entertainment System. I remember the almost endless stream of great titles to make its way on that console, among them the best action-platform games ever made.

Tecmo's _Ninja Gaiden_ is among my most absolute favorites. In recent years, the franchise saw a revival on Microsoft's XBox platform, but how many kids with an XBox have ever seen the original home classic? Considering 2D platform games have been all but abandoned in the polygon age, it's no surprise that _Ninja Gaiden_ has hardly aged at all. It was a master of its own domain, almost doggedly so.

_Ninja Gaiden_ was originally an arcade game, a mildly entertaining _Double Dragon_ rip-off from 1988 (it later saw an excellent conversion to Atari Lynx). Like so many other titles, this one was altered somewhat when it came home. The NES made action-adventure games like _Super Mario_ , _Mega Man_ , _Contra_ , and _Castlevania_ more popular than a straight-up arcade conversion. Tecmo also did this with _Rygar_ , changing the linear action of the coin-op for a more expansive adventure game on the Nintendo.

So 1989 rolls around, and _Ninja Gaiden_ reappears in our living rooms as a new beast, something far better. Instead of a quasi-3D beat-em-up, it is reborn as a side-scrolling action title. It is heavily influenced by Konami's _Castlevania_ , with its action hero running and jumping across streets, forests, hidden castles, and endless ledges with a sword and collection of bonus weapons. The great virtue of the platformer was its speed, its strategic placement of various enemies, its mix of quick reflexes and fast thinking. All these qualities were cribbed from Konami's classic series, and raised to the next level.

The great videogame journalist Bill Kunkel once remarked that the Nintendo era of videogames wasn't as good as the "classic" Atari era, because these newer games relied on memorizing patterns, instead of the more improvisational nature of _Asteroids_ , _Donkey Kong_ , and _Ms. Pac-Man_. I understand what he meant, but disagree. A game like _Ninja Gaiden_ is great because of its structure. There's a definite rhythm in the side-scrolling platformer genre, almost like playing a series of guitar riffs. Slash at a foe, jump the chasm, climb the ladder; run, jump, run, slash, jump, slash, run.

Watch someone's hands as they work the controls; it's all so very musical. The levels are built like complex ant farms, and the great fun comes not from barely limping along, but confidently beating every foe and doing it with grace. The hero of _Ninja Gaiden_ floats like a butterfly and sings like a bee; it really reminds me of skillfully playing the guitar.

All platform games have their own unique rhythm. In the music-rhythm games such as _Guitar Hero_ and _Rock Band_ , players are judged by how closely they follow a set beat and rhythm. The rhythm of a game like _Ninja Gaiden_ is no different. All action-platform videogames are music-rhythm games.

This is a perfect opportunity to highlight something I often miss in these reviews: the music. The NES was home to some of the most memorable videogame tunes, and _Ninja Gaiden's_ mix of fast beats and pseudo-guitar riffing fits the game like a glove. This is one of the two or three best soundtracks of the 8-bit era; even if some of the melodies were stolen (one piece is eerily similar to Holocaust's "The Small Hours").

Of course, Tecmo did more than make an excellent platformer; they also innovated with plot and storyline. Most arcade videogames in the late '80s had no time for a story beyond "save the girl" or "shoot the aliens." Along comes a title that focuses instead on a story with a solid arc. The prologue begins with a cut-scene, drawn in widescreen, of two ninja facing off in a duel. Both stand, then charge. One dies. Cut then to the ninja's son, who discovers his father's final wishes left in a mysterious note. Why did his father die? Who is this man the son must seek? Why is a small stone statue so important?

This is only the beginning; over the course of the story, viewers are presented with many animated sequences; some short, some long; with twists and turns, long expositions, a few dramatic moments, and at least one genuine surprise near the end that should never be spoiled. Here, in 1989, was the next evolutionary step from simple game to, well, something else. Still very much a videogame, but with story and characters that you care about. You will struggle with the game as you progress — _Ninja Gaiden_ is almost legendary for being challenging (and by that, I mean "hard"), but you will persevere. You just have to see what happens next; and, yes, the payoffs are most definitely there.

Today, it seems every videogame has its own story to tell; perhaps developers are trying too hard to mimic Hollywood at the expense of solid gameplay, and, heck, a decent plot. The key word here is balance. Everybody's still fixated on saving the girl and saving the day; the production values only got louder.

Whatever you do, don't blame Tecmo. They only laid the groundwork, and for their efforts they found great success. I'll finish this essay with another hefty endorsement: you cannot send earn your "hardcore gamer" badge until you've played and beaten this videogame. One of the NES' all-time best.

### Ninja Jajamaru-kun

Jaleco for Famicom (NES)

Action

1985

Rating: 2/10

Alright, folks, here's what you need to do. Just copy everything I wrote about _Lunar Pool_ , paste it here, and translate it into Japanese. Add swear words where necessary. There's your damned review. What a sorry bag of rocks. LSD and magic mushrooms remain illegal in this country, but this game is perfectly acceptable. Which one do you think will cause more brain damage? That's justice for you. Better yet, skip the drugs. Just bang your head against a wall a few times, until the room starts spinning. Yeah, that's still much better. Better than the drugs and better than this videogame.

_Ninja Jajamaru-kun_ is a Japanese title, originally appearing on the Famicom in 1985. It never saw a release Stateside. Back then, Nintendo had this thing called a "seal of quality." They actually vetted games pretty strictly before giving them the green light in America. They understood the collapse of the game market in 1983 and 1984, understood it all too well. Games like _Super Mario Brothers_ and _The Legend of Zelda_ would become the new standard for home videogames. _Maru-kun_ would become fodder for firecrackers and termites.

This game is a stinking manure pile and if you ever paid money for it, you should demand your dignity back. No, seriously. The title of the game, when properly translated into English, reads as follows: "Manure Pile: Extra Stinky Turbo Champion Edition."

Hmm...okay, here is the point to the game. You play a ninja who runs across a multi-tiered playfield and shoots enemies who bob up and down and wander aimlessly for no reason. It's a lot like swatting flies. It's roots probably lie in early arcade games like _Space Panic_ , and maybe _Defender_ ; I am reminded a little of a Broderbund title on the Atari 800 called _Drol_ , which was kind of like _Defender_ on very trippy drugs (a lot of computer programmers from the 1970s and 1980s were dyed-in-the-wool hippies). It was a million times better than this hunk of scrap: better graphics, smoother animation, faster and more challenging gameplay.

_Drol_ was actually somewhat interesting, especially for its time. It carried a certain darkly surreal style, with bizarre bug like creatures and droning, atonal sound effects. You played a strange-looking animal equipped with a ray gun and a backpack, and worked your way around until you rescued runaway characters. Eventually, you battled the main villain, some sort of creepy masked medicine man. There was something of William S. Burroughs in that videogame.

_Jajamaru-kun_ is nothing like that. It's more like a stale sandwich, or staring at wallpaper. It's a sorry excuse for a game, like most of those early Famicom and NES titles. I don't think a game like this was ever appealing. You could make the nostalgia excuse for a game this old; but I can't imagine anyone believing you with a straight face. What would be the point? What could you brag about, in proving that you could muster the basic primate reflexes to waltz through this slow sludge of sorry syrup? And then Nintendo goes the extra mile, and charges you six bucks for your efforts. That's one dollar more than domestic NES games. You know, real classics like _Urban Champion_ and _Lunar Pool_ and _Tennis_.

In a more enlightened society, this would qualify as a mugging.

### Operation Wolf

Taito for NES

Shooter

1989

Rating: 3/10

_Operation Wolf_ was a blockbuster hit in the arcades, coming in the midst of an industry-wide obsession with Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and a host of muscle-builder action movies. For a time, every videogame wanted to be _Rambo_ , _Commando_ or _Predator_. This proved very popular for arcades, where the emphasis has always been on roller coaster thrills, fast reflexes and endless explosions. It was also profitable for arcade operators and manufacturers, since these games were brutal in their difficulty, shaking down kids for their quarters and moving quickly to the next player.

Taito had an extremely successful run of arcade hits in the 1980s and 1990s, and if they never quite reached the stratospheric heights of _Space Invaders_ , it wasn't for lack of trying. They were always dependable, reliable, trustworthy. And this can be seen in _Operation Wolf_ , a light-gun shoot-em-up that lets you invade foreign countries, liberate prisoner camps, and live out your favorite _Rambo_ fantasies. It's visually dazzling, with sharp and highly detailed 16-bit graphics, crystal-clear digitized speech, and large character sprites. There are large tanks, armored helicopters, and soldiers of all shapes and sizes, coming at you from every direction at once. It's all such beautiful, doomed chaos. It's candy for the eyes and sugar for the brain.

The home conversion to the NES, however, was something else entirely. There never was a time when the 8-bit Nintendo wasn't a step behind the more powerful coin-op games, but by 1989 the technology gap was enormous and only getting worse. Arcades had fully embraced 16-bit technology, with graphics and sound that even the Sega Genesis, Turbografx-16 and Super NES would struggle to match. This is one reason why many arcade-to-NES conversions changed the gameplay; _Rygar_ , _Ninja Gaiden_ and _Strider_ are three key examples. The hardware power simply wasn't there.

At the time, we gamers all knew that NES _Operation Wolf_ would be a shell of its arcade self. The graphics would be dramatically scaled down, the enemy sprites significantly smaller, the number of on-screen characters notably fewer in number, the explosions fizzled to a firecracker, the digitized voice samples omitted. We expected mediocrity, and that's exactly what we got. Even then, one couldn't help but feel disappointment. Even by NES standards, which were very good when in the right hands, Taito's translation was lacking in all respects.

Damien McFerran, videogame critic for _Nintendo Life_ , argues in his _Operation Wolf_ review that the NES Zapper was part of the problem. Its design flaws — excessive leeway on the trigger, a loud PANG when pulled, the very nature of how its camera reads the TV screen — prevent the rapid-fire action so necessary for _Wolf_. This is a videogame where you charge around with an automatic Uzi, not a single-shot pistol. It just doesn't work, never has and never will.

The home version allows the option of using the joypad to move a cursor on screen, and this is where our 21st Century problems lie. Because of the differences in refresh rates and rendering, modern HD digital displays are incompatible with all CRT light guns. This means you can't use your Zapper to play, and will be forced to use the cursor. It's nowhere near as fun an experience. Most players will tell you that half the excitement of _Operation Wolf_ was getting to hold that giant Uzi attached to the arcade cabinet. Being forced to settle with Nintendo's cheap light gun was bad enough; being forced to use a joypad is near unbearable.

So guess which option Taito and Nintendo chose for the Wii Virtual Console? That's right: NES _Operation Wolf_ on VC does not use the Wii Remote, which would recreate Zapper control. It uses joypad control only.

Why did Taito even bother with this game? What's the use? They obviously should have added Wiimote control, as Nintendo would eventually do with _Duck Hunt_. A better idea would have been to skip the shoddy NES version altogether and give us the arcade _Operation Wolf_. Now that would rock. Another option would be the PC Engine translation, released only in Japan, which is surprisingly close to the arcade. It stomps the NES cartridge flat. Unfortunately, it only features joypad control, as no light gun was released for that system.

Sigh. This concludes today's episode of "Why We Can't Have Things."

### Pinball

Nintendo for NES

Pinball

1985

3/10

_Pinball_ sucks. Did I say that already? My apologies, but it really needs to be said. This videogame is absolutely terrible, and you have to seriously wonder why Nintendo chose to dump so many poor NES titles onto Virtual Console. They have so many excellent titles, and yet when it comes to their digital distribution platforms, they always reach for the 1985 NES launch titles first, regardless of quality. What's the freakin' deal, anyway?

Nintendo's _Pinball_ was created in 1983 for the launch of the Famicom in Japan, and two years later for the NES in the States. Its graphics are large and chunky, yet detailed. It would fit in nicely on the Colecovision, which was the "advanced" console of its time. One would never guess the full power of the NES, and the amazing audiovisuals of its peak games, by looking at their earliest titles, which are almost uniformly humble, simplistic, slightly cartoonish, mediocre at best, sleepy and boring at worst.

To its credit, there are some design elements to this game that established a template for all future video pinball games: multi-screen boards, secret bonus rooms, a fusion of videogame and pinball designs. We'll see this style employed in future titles as _Pinball Quest_ , _Revenge of the Gator_ , _Dino Land_ , _Alien Crush_ , _The Pinball of the Dead_ , _Metroid Prime Pinball_ , and the masterpiece of the genre, _Devil's Crush_. Nintendo deserves credit for inspiring so many others.

That said, this is a very basic, and very boring, game of pinball. A single board with two screens, one where the graphics are too large and too blocky for its own good, fails to capture the player's attention or hold their interest. The ball physics are too light, too floaty; the proper sense of momentum is missing. By comparison, even Atari's ancient _Video Pinball_ is a lot more fun to play; it may be extremely squarish, but at least it's interesting and can surprise you now and then.

The greatest video pinball game of this period is Bill Budge's masterful _Pinball Construction Set_ , which debuted on the Atari 8-bit home computers. Its extensive toolkit allows players to craft nearly any kind of single-screen pinball board they can imagine, from the ramps and bumpers to the background graphics. I believe there are still a number of user-created boards on the internet for use on emulators. I'm glad that these old floppy discs were able to be saved for future generations.

If Nintendo could have included a construction mode, their _Pinball_ would have aged far more gracefully. Instead, we have a very early Famicom/NES videogame that is easily outclassed by its peers and successors. There are dozens of better pinball titles out there that are better than this one. Spend your time and money elsewhere.

### Soccer

Nintendo for NES

Sports

1985

Rating: 3/10

When reviewing older videogames, there are two questions any critic must address: how good was the game in the context of its era, and how good is it today? Sports titles, more often than not, become seriously dated over time, and it can be difficult to enjoy those games that are significantly old.

_Soccer_ was one of Nintendo's launch titles for the NES in 1985, and three decades ago, it played a decent, passable game. It certainly held its own against any other soccer game from the early '80s, as seen on the Atari 2600, Intellivision, and home computers. A child at the time would probably be impressed enough to have fun with friends.

But we're not living in the year 1985, are we?

If gamers today wonder just how it was possible that Electronic Arts completely conquered videogame sports, the answer is very simple: most sports games before EA were terrible, slow, clunky, incomplete, and not very much fun. The home computers and dedicated consoles were too weak, too underpowered, and the software titles were far too small, to render any version of a sport playable. This is especially true with team sports with large numbers of players on the field, such as hockey, football and soccer. Baseball fans had the excellent _Hardball_ from Gary Kitchen (one of the original Activision founders), and basketball fans had _Dr. J and Larry Bird Go One-On-One_ from the young Electronic Arts (long before they became evil). These were the rare gems, the exceptions to the rule.

Nintendo's NES _Soccer_ has not aged well. Its rendition of the sport is extremely basic, with staccato dribbling, rudimentary passing, and shooting. There are no tackles or slides or ways to steal the ball (you just walk over it). There are no fouls, cards or penalty shots. The players move very slowly, in an uneven shuffle as they kick the ball forward. Passing is mostly a matter of luck. Very little fun is to be had.

So much of the actual sport is missing, and while this may have been acceptable for an arcade-style videogame in 1985, the genre has evolved by leaps and bounds since. On the NES, Jaleco's _Goal_ series is probably the best; there are many soccer titles available on the system, but the 8-bit hardware is simply inadequate for the job. You'll have to wait for the 16-bit consoles for the sport to receive its due.

### Super C

Konami for NES

Action

1990

Rating: 6/10

For the NES faithful, and for action game fans in general, _Contra_ is the greatest thing ever. It's probably still the champion of run-and-gun action videogames. More specifically, it was the NES version of _Contra_ that was the true masterpiece, not the arcade. For some reason, everything came together perfectly in the home version.

Konami pulled out an arcade sequel a couple years later, _Super Contra_ , and, as often happens when following up the monster hit, it doesn't meet the original expectations. The typical sophomore slump. And that's basically what _Super C_ is; at least, that's the way it was for me.

Now, most of you will have a fine time. What more are you expecting from this game, beyond the ability to shoot and blast everything in sight, from soldiers to aliens and such? But, then again, I really don't know how a 21st Century crowd reacts to 8-bit games from 20 years ago. Either you'll be far more forgiving, or far more impatient. Which means that either you'll play along with _Super C_ and have a good time, or you'll just start fuming within thirty seconds, muttering, "Hey, what happened to the first one? Why can't we play that game?"

Although this title is solid and well built, I was never a fan,and always regarded it as a mild disappointment. I can't really explain it too much, which really won't help matters for you. Some critic I am. This is what happens when you don't write videogame reviews in the standard Mad Libs format.

Alright, here's what I don't like about _Super C_. I don't like the level design. The levels are more straightforward, more running along a single platform. I prefered the tiered designs from the original _Contra_. The first level, that snow level, that seventh level with the mine carts and metal spiked doors that only sat there so you could blast them - all of these featured multiple pathways, which added to the variety, allowed two players some much-needed space, and enhanced the level designs.

Oh, and don't forget that giant robot guy who throws discs at you and hops all around. And those tanks with the battering rams that you finally destroy at the last possible second. And that long climb up a mountain that's next to a waterfall. And that giant beating heart you have to shoot at while avoiding swarms of giant spiders...

Do you see where this is going? All the cool, memorable, exciting moments happened in the first _Contra_. Now what do I remember from _Super C_? Not much. Dropping from a copter. Running along a simple, single plane. Tinny, forgettable music. A surprising lack of variety in locales and enemies. A lack of exciting, new power-ups. And bunch of overhead-view levels that I just hated, HATED. I always admired _Contra_ for its changing viewpoints on every other level, but those overhead levels in the sequel? Forget it.

But I don't want to pile on too deeply. _Super C_ is a decent game, by any standards, and probably more so if you missed the NES days altogether. The only other notable alternative on Virtual Console is _Gunstar Heroes_ and _Contra 3: The Alien Wars_ , both of which were programmed and designed by many of the same people. Hmmm. Those are excellent titles worthy of comparison to the mighty _Contra_. But not _Super C_. No thanks.

Now perhaps we can have a discussion on why NES _Contra_ has never been released on Virtual Console? Who in the bloody world is responsible for that oversight? Have the guilty parties fed to the sharks immediately.

### Super Mario Brothers

Nintendo for NES

Action

1985

Rating: 10/10

There once was a time, from 1985-1990, where you could easily argue that _Super Mario Brothers_ was the greatest videogame ever made. Even today, one could make the case for this game, or certainly one of its later sequels like _Super Mario Bros 3_ , _Super Mario World_ or _Super Mario 64_. Whichever one you choose, the end result is the same: we've been living in Mario's world for over 30 years.

There were 2D action games before _Super Mario_ : the 1979 arcade title, _Apple Panic_ , which spawned a whole host of imitators, from _Minor 2049er_ to _Lode Runner_ ; David Crane's _Pitfall_ and its even more ambitious sequel, _Pitfall 2_ , often called the father of the genre; _Montezuma's Revenge_ , which hit on the Atari 800 and spread everywhere; Namco's _Pac-Land_ , which ditched the classic _Pac-Man_ mazes for a cartoon side-scrolling world; Coleco's _Smurf Rescue in Gargamel's Castle_ , the standout title on Colecovision. Heck, I even remember a little game on the Atari 800 called _Snokie_ , a side-scrolling title where you run-and-jump over rocks, ledges, moving iceberg platforms, and dodging falling ice.

The genre of videogames that came to called _platformers_ was still in its infancy. _Super Mario_ didn't invent it. But they did raise it to the next level. They took the basic elements, added several crucial innovations, and transformed it into something revolutionary. It's very much the videogame equivalent to Miles Davis' 1970 masterpiece _Bitches Brew_ , which ushered in the age of jazz fusion, or The Beatles' _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_ , which ushered in the modern rock era.

_Super Mario Brothers_ closed the door on the "golden age" of arcade videogames, the age of single-screen high score contests and simple Atari cartridges, and opened the door to a new age of epic journeys. Arcade videogames were now literally, with a definitive goal, a definitive beginning and end. Yes, Mario, your Princess is in another castle, but unlike the girl in _Donkey Kong_ , this time you'll actually get her back. And, yeah, she's kinda jerking you around with Bowser, but that's an issue for another time.

There's really two worlds at play in _Super Mario Bros_. The first is the normal world, the levels and worlds laid out before you. These are the platforms and precarious jumps, the giant mushrooms and underground caverns, the Koopas and Goombas and piranha plants, the castles and the showdowns with Bowser. Here, Nintendo delivers eight worlds of tightly structured platforming action. These are the arcade obstacle courses designed to frustrate you, stomp you flat. The Hammer Brothers can be especially tough if they come at you from the right angle, and that guy who rides a cloud and drops spikey-headed animals at you? That guy's a jerk.

Then there is the unseen world, the world of secrets. Here are the invisible bonus blocks, hidden coin boxes, the green vines that carry you to the clouds. The warp rooms are the best, sometimes requiring Mario and Luigi to literally escape the confines of the videogame playfield, hop on top of the score display, and run to the secret screen off the page.

This is where Nintendo's genius lies. It's no stretch to say that children played for months and years just trying to find all the secrets. Often that meant slowing down and punching every single block in sight, hoping to find another coin box or 1-up, or hidden coin room. It's entirely possible that there are one or two surprises that have never been uncovered. Don't be so sure that all those maps online are accurate. There's always something new to find in Mario's world.

It's all about exploring and discovering new surprises around every corner. It's genius because it inspires your imagination, but also because it's completely at odds with the arcade gameplay. Your timer is running out. Do you rush to the exit, or do you stick around a little longer and hunt for coins? This duality became a Nintendo trademark, and quickly found its way into nearly every videogame. "Easter eggs" once referred to hidden signatures in Atari 2600 games; now that definition has greatly expanded. And players began to demand these surprises as standard. "Konami Code," anyone?

At the end of the day, what matters most is that _Super Mario Bros._ plays brilliantly. Its level design is tight and honed to perfection. It is built perfectly for speed runs, while offering all those secrets to keep you lingering around. The challenge is fairly high, owing to its arcade roots. The later worlds can be pretty demanding. Today's younger players, accustomed to the newer, and considerably easier, _Mario_ games, might be in for a surprise. Later sequels would perfect the formula, adding greater variety to the different worlds, more and different kinds of secrets, gameplay innovations great and small. But it's all built upon that original 1985 foundation, one that, in terms of pure arcade gameplay, has never been surpassed.

I probably shouldn't have to point out that _Super Mario Brothers_ almost single-handedly made the NES a runaway hit and salvaged the US videogame industry, which almost completely melted down in 1983 and 1984. Everybody knows that story by now. Suffice it to say, if there was no _Super Mario_ , we'd still be playing on Commodore computers.

### Super Mario Brothers 2: Mario Madness

Nintendo for NES

Action

1988

Rating: 6/10

_Super Mario Brothers 2: Mario Madness_ is good, but not great. It has moments of strength, but is weak. It is certainly better than the _Super Mario Bros. 2_ that was released in Japan (a frustratingly difficult expansion pack), but it is a lesser videogame than the other 2D Marios. My diagnosis after 25 years: Meh. Really? Yes, that's right. Meh.

This was a fun videogame in 1988, and obviously was an enormous commercial success, coming as the "official" sequel to the blockbuster sensation that is _Super Mario Bros_. Its popularity resulted in a notorious cartridge shortage that year, to the great frustration of third-party publishers (all NES cartridges were manufactured by Nintendo in those days). I remember Andy Eddy giving it glowing marks in an early issue of _Videogames & Computer Entertainment_ magazine, and it's always stayed with me. We all respected Nintendo for giving us a sequel that was very different from the original, and not a cheap recycled rerun. Yes, sequel clones were as much a problem then as now, but occasionally you'd see titles that veered off into new directions. Not often enough, but when it occurred, we were all very thankful. Kudos to Nintendo for taking risks and not resting on their laurels with a successful formula.

And I should say in all fairness, _Super Mario Bros. 2_ plays flawlessly. The choice of four different characters, each with their own style, was a novel innovation at the time, and added tremendous replay value. Playing as Mario is quite different from playing as Princess Toadstool. The environments were brighter, more Arabian, with a good deal of clever enemies that dotted the landscape. Pulling vegetables out of the ground, instead of pounding blocks, was great fun. Instead of striking enemies from below, you bopped on them from above. You could pick up and throw everything. And the "POW" block made a welcome return from the original _Mario Bros_.

_Super Mario Bros. 2_ has a number of qualities that really does make it a classic, including the terrific music and slightly surreal design, but its greatest strength, in my humble opinion: the very best ending in all the _Mario_ games, ever. After defeating the final boss (a giant frog who rules over the "Sub Con" realm) he ending reveals that everything has been a dream — one long, lucid dream in Mario's head. "Sub Con," indeed.

So despite all of these memorable qualities, why do I feel such ambivalence for this game? I always struggled to really enjoy it. I've always respected _Super Mario 2_ , but something about it always left me cold. It couldn't be its uniqueness, could it? Every other _Mario_ game follows the same formula, pretty much. It couldn't be that it wasn't a "True Mario" videogame, although the history behind what became _Doki Doki Panic_ and then _Mario Madness_ is complicated and debatable. So what's the deal? Why does playing this game often feel like a chore, like homework? I think I have an idea:

_No secrets._

There really aren't any secrets in this videogame, certainly not to the insane degree of the original _Super Mario Bros._ , or its legendary sequels. And that's really what _Mario_ is all about, isn't he? He's the guy who wanders off and always finds a new surprise around the corner. There's always that sense of wonder, of mystery. You really don't know just what will happen next. Anything can happen, and usually often does.

_Super Mario 2_ doesn't really have any of that. It's a solid, challenging platformer. The chemist beaker can open up secret doors to a shadow side of the screen, but there's never anything to be found, beyond a couple coins and maybe a mushroom, and it's a great disappointment. There are a couple warp points, which can get you to the final boss pretty quickly. But what else is there? I don't expect massive coin rooms, but I do expect something. That sense of mystery and surprise, so perfectly realized in _Super Mario Bros 3_ and _Super Mario World_ and _Super Mario 64_ and _New Super Mario Bros. Wii_ , is sorely absent here. In this dream world, everything is on the surface. Duality is banished.

Perhaps I'm just being greedy. A solid, challenging and endlessly playable platformer should be enough for most anyone to be satisfied. But, dammit, this is a _Super Mario_ videogame, one that is sandwiched between two platforming masterpieces on the NES. I think I expect something better when that guy is on the box. It's like seeing Akira Kurosawa or Orson Welles' name on a movie poster. You're expecting a certain level of quality for a reason. You expect the best because that's what they've given you.

So I wanted another _Physical Graffiti_ and instead was handed _Presence_. I shouldn't complain. I should be happy with what's in front of me. Whatever. Meh.

### Tennis

Nintendo for NES

Sports

1985

Rating: 4/10

It's interesting to examine Nintendo's strategy when launching the NES in the United States in 1985. It's very conservative, very cautious. Apart from _Super Mario Brothers_ , the 1985 NES games are as bland as oatmeal. They exist to reassure the public that all is well, that cartridge videogames could still be entertaining and fun.

Isn't it strange how history becomes forgotten? It's doubly so in the world of videogames, which is often ambivalent (at best) towards its own past. In 1982, videogames were a pop culture craze. They were on magazines, television, movies. There were Saturday morning cartoons, breakfast cereals, board games, bedroom curtains. Pac-Man was a bona-fide rock star. The party was as big as anything that had come before. Then 1983 arrived and the bottom suddenly fell out, and within a year, the entire industry disintegrated into dust.

I still remember the endless array of tables at Target and Kay-Bee Toys carrying boxes and boxes of unsold cartridge games. You could grab anything for five bucks or less. Most titles were terrible, of course, and were half the reason the bubble had burst. The scene had grown too large, too fast. There was no quality control, no middleman to set standards. Everything was junk. By the dawn of 1985, the "fad" was over; videogames were as dead as leisure suits and pet rocks.

These were the conditions that Nintendo found themselves as they prepared to introduce their Family Computer to the American market. They briefly flirted with the idea of a home computer system, like the Atari 800 and Commodore 64. That would have been the safe bet, as the computer industry was all-too eager to get rid of those silly, childish toys. The industry is still trying to escape that shadow today, trying to reinvent videogame consoles as cinematic multimedia boxes. But Nintendo, to their eternal credit, rejected such stale Puritanical pastry, and chose to revive the simple toy box that connects to a television.

Apart from _Super Mario Brothers_ — the groundbreaking, revolutionary game that transformed the medium like nothing before or since — Nintendo took a very conservative, cautious approach to software. The NES launch titles broke no ground, changed no rules, did not aim to shock or surprise with the strange and novel. Instead, they were safe, predictable, reassuring: _Tennis_ , _Baseball_ , _Soccer_ , _Volleyball_ , _Pinball_ , _Urban Champion_ , _MACH Rider_ , _Clu Clu Land_ , _Balloon Fight_. Even the titles are generic, utilitarian descriptions, like a talking Al Gore doll that says, "You are now hearing me talk."

From a purely commercial standpoint, these early releases achieved their goals. They steadily won back an audience that became burned out on videogames, won their trust and respect. Nintendo succeeded by not screwing up. In 1985 and 1986, that was enough. The magical toy box was back in fashion.

As for today, well, that is another matter entirely. I think we can look back at Nintendo's early NES titles with respect, and appreciate what they achieved in their time. But that safe, cautious approach, which worked in 1985, only shows its flaws today: boring, stale, uninspired, slow, dull, mundane, banal, mediocre at best. You can go down the entire launch list — indeed, we already have in this first volume — and throw a tired shrug at every game on the list.

All of which finally brings us to _Tennis_ , the subject of this essay review. You should already know what to expect at this point: this title plays a competent, yet thoroughly uninspired, rendition of another popular sport. It is far too slow. Gameplay mechanics are fat too limited. Game modes are limited to a basic singles or doubles match, no careers or tournaments. There is only a single court. Shots amount to simple volleys. This arcade game is a glorified _Pong_ ; it's _Pong_ after a couple stiff drinks at the bar. The blockhead is stumbling drunk and it's all you can do to hail a cab and send him to bed.

A selection of five difficulty levels are available, mostly affecting speed. The faster levels are better, but your player skates across the playfield as though he were on ice. The balance between the speed of the ball and player is slightly off. Activision's _Tennis_ and Atari's _RealSports Tennis_ , both on the 2600 VCS, struck a better balance, offered more responsive controls, and overall did a better job recreating the spirit of the sport. For reasons never understood, videogame tennis is a hard nut to crack. It's a seemingly endless abyss from _Realsports Tennis_ to _Virtua Tennis_ to _Wii Sports_.

It's weird how Mario makes another of his many cameo appearances in this game, as the referee. He's also present in several other NES launch titles, which only highlights the gap between _Super Mario_ and everything else. Here is a moment when videogames as a medium shifted on its axis; the older, "classic" era of games gives way to the "new" world of scrolling adventures packed with secret realms.

All of this is a very long rambling on why Nintendo's _Tennis_ is a once-passable title that has aged terribly into banality and mediocrity. Time has not been kind. This is why I've never been a fan of high school reunions. I don't want to see the former football captain turned into a fat, balding, broken down slob. I don't wish to be reminded that we're all headed for the ash heap.

### Urban Champion

Nintendo for NES

Fighting

1986

Rating: 2/10

Here's a perfect example to see if videogame critics have actually played any of these classic games. Check their write-ups on _Urban Champion_ for Virtual Console and observe if the game itself is ever addressed, or if it's merely a nostalgic spin on the later fighting genre. "Well, _Karate Champ_ and _Street Fighter 2_ were both popular games. Here's a fighting game from many years earlier. It must be ahead of its time. Right?"

Please. Spare me. The first time I played _Urban Champion_ was at the College of St. Scholastica dorms in the fall of 1991. I was convinced that it was the worst NES game ever made and vowed to never touch it again. I kept that promise until now, when it was time to write the review for _Zen Arcade_.

I no longer believe this is the worst NES game ever made; which is to really say that I've since then discovered many titles that are inexplicably worse. _Urban Champion_ still sucks. It is an extremely basic and stripped-down martial arts title with no variation and no quality game mechanics. What really hurts is when you discover that all you have to do to progress is bash out stomach punches and push forward on the joypad. You will quickly discover that there really is no level progression, no journey and no destination; only one faceless opponent after another, only one fight per screen. The later ones actually learn how to block now and then. Big whoop.

_Urban Champion_ was pointless, boring game in 1985, pointless and boring in 1991, and even more pointless and boring today. It does have atmosphere, I'll give it that, but what good does that do when the game itself runs only thirty seconds? A toddler would become bored numb, as would most household pets and indoor plants. I'd sooner ask for lima beans for Christmas. The emergence of _Street Fighter 2_ has nothing to do with this turkey, and anyone who tries to make a claim for some "lost classic" is a fool.

### Volleyball

Nintendo and Pax Softnica for NES

Sports

1986

Rating: 1/10

The only relevant question regarding _Volleyball_ : Is this merely the worst NES videogame of all time, or the worst Nintendo game of all time? According to Wikipedia, _Volleyball_ was either developed by Nintendo's R&D1 division or by a second-party developer called Pax Softnica. Personally, I think they're just trying to shift blame over who's responsible for this turkey. Whoever is ultimately responsible deserves to be beaten senseless with a fly swatter. Bad Toad! Bad Toad!

Why is this videogame so terrible? Where did Nintendo go wrong? In search of answers, I've taken the liberty of organizing a question-and-answer session with one of the original NES _Volleyball_ programmers. The following is a brief transcript of our conversation:

**Question:** I have some questions regarding the controls in NES _Volleyball_. I never know what's happening. Which player am I controlling? Who's my guy?

**Answer:** _Uh, sorry, no idea. Nobody knows. I was actually hoping you knew the answer to that._

**Q:** Why didn't Nintendo include a cursor to indicate which player I control?

**A:** _I've never heard of that. Is that really a thing? Shrug._

**Q:** Is it possible to move an individual player, as opposed to the entire row in one massive group?

**A:** _What? That's crazy talk. Get off the road. It worked for Pele's Soccer on the Atari 2600._

**Q:** What are you supposed to do when the ball lands between my front and back row of players, and the program doesn't know which player to control?

**A:** _Isn't this what normally happens in gym class? It happened to me all the time. That's what volleyball is all about, right?_

**Q:** Can you control or direct shots? How about your serving shots?

**A:** _Nope, and nope._

**Q:** Be honest: Am I actually playing at all, or does the game just play itself? I honestly can't tell any difference.

**A:** _Um, yeah. Got me there, dude. We were kind of slacking off that week. I think we were spending most of our time eating snacks and drinking a lot. I think I blacked out through most of it._

**Q:** Is there any way I can turn off that annoying music?

**A:** _Seriously, dude? Whaddya mean you don't like twangy banjo music at a volleyball match? What's wrong with you? Everybody likes banjo music and sports together._

**Q:** Did Nintendo recycle the same title screen music from their other early NES sports titles?

**A:** _It's a catchy tune. We liked it, and not having to write new music meant we could sneak in a nap during the day._

(Chewing sounds)

**Q:** Wait, what are you doing?

**A:** _Hm? Uh-huh._

**Q:** Are you eating? What the...are you eating paste?

**A:** _(smacking sounds) What? I don't know, maybe._

**Q:** You're eating paste! I can't believe you! What is wrong with you?!

**A:** _What? I was hungry and I didn't have a sandwich._

**Q:** Oh, good grief.

**A:** _You want some?_

**Q:** No!

**A:** _It's kosher._

**Q:** I don't care!

**A:** _Whatever, dude, your loss. Hey, did I mention that I was also the designer of the Wii U GamePad controller?_

**Q:** Sigh. Why am I not surprised? This would explain a lot.

**A:** _Burp. This is good paste. You're missing out, dude._

**Q:** Don't talk to me.

**A:** _Burp._

### Wario's Woods

Nintendo for NES

Puzzle

1994

Rating: 6/10

_Wario's Woods_ opens with a brief demonstration of its gameplay hook: Playing as little Toad, you use descending bombs to destroy monsters. It's an puzzle game that takes some inspiration from _Tetris_ and _Dr. Mario_ , adds in some minor characters from the _Super Mario_ universe, and mixes them together into a fully original and inspired work. If you have ever felt comfortably numb from too many genre copycats, here is a welcome alternative.

I don't know how many readers are aware that two versions of _Wario's Woods_ exist: one for the 8-bit NES, the other for the 16-bit Super Nintendo. Of the two, the Super NES version is much better, thanks to an excellent versus mode and greater difficulty curve. Its graphics and audio have also been given an upgrade, the action is more fluid, and there are even some scaling effects added in for style. All in all, a very good job on the revised 16-bit edition, and if Nintendo ever bothers to release it to Virtual Console, I'll grab it in a heartbeat.

The NES version, while a step backward, is still very decent, and retains the core gameplay. You move Toad inside a standard-issue puzzle pit (that ought to be the name of a good urban restaurant, don'tcha think?) which was strewn with monsters and bombs. Your goal is to stack monsters together and match them with the correct color bombs. Stages are cleared when all monsters are eliminated. In later stages, the playfield becomes ever more crowded and you have less and less time to clean up the mess. In addition, if you dawdle too slowly, Wario appears and hurls more monsters your way. Occasionally, there will be a boss fight, where you must bomb a larger opponent in the pit, finally concluding with bland old Wario himself.

As already stated, this NES version is the earlier of the two cartridges, and plays like a second draft, while the SNES gets the finished product. Here, the speed is a touch slow, the pacing somewhat relaxed, the challenge a bit lenient. The lack of a proper versus mode, to compete against the computer or a friend, really hurts. Can you tell this was Nintendo's final commercial release for the NES? It shows a little.

_Wario's Woods_ has always remained somewhat obscure, despite its use of Wario and Toad and that dinosaur wearing a bow on her head whose name I can never remember. Perhaps the game is overlooked because of them? They're not very inspiring, that's for sure. Nintendo has this nasty habit of cramming their _Mario_ characters into every videogame, regardless of whether it's needed or even wanted, and it tends to cheapen everything. Even Disney learned not to squeeze Mickey and Donald into everything they do. This puzzle game would have been perfectly fine with an original cast. You can say that about a lot of Nintendo videogames, frankly.

### Xevious

Bandai for NES

Shooter

1988

Rating: 5/10

_Xevious_ is not only a classic videogame or an arcade hit from the 1980s, it's one of those genre-defining titles that established a foundation for everything that followed. Virtually every vertically-scrolling shooter owes at least something to Namco's pioneering programmers.

I always enjoyed playing _Xevious_ at the Aladdin's Castle at the Miller Hill and Mariner Malls (in Duluth and Superior, respectively), throwing in a couple quarters here, a few tokens there. The action is properly balanced between attacking air targets, dodging bullets from ground targets, trying to bomb those annoying domes, weaving through those giant metal mirrors, and, of course, those enormous flying battleships with all those psychotic black orbs firing at you. Good times.

_Xevious_ saw a number of home translations: Atari 5200, Atari 7800, Nintendo Entertainment System, the PC Engine in Japan, and finally the _Namco Museum_ series on Playstation. Of these, I would rank the NES version second-last, just ahead of the tepid, barely playable 5200 version. This is disappointing, as the NES was home to many "Golden Age" arcade classics, including _Pac-Man_ and _Ms. Pac-Man_ , _Defender 2/Stargate_ , _Millipede_ , _Joust_ , _Gyruss_ and _Q-Bert_. This Xevious translation does not stand among their ranks, which is both a surprise and a disappointment. This system deserved better, and so did we.

It's important to remember that Bandai was not a major player in the NES era; their programmers and designers had nowhere near the talent of Konami, Capcom and Tecmo, and especially Nintendo. Their software titles were occasionally clever, often very sound. But the execution was always lacking. The gameplay always slightly off. The graphics always slightly out of tune.

Bandai's _Xevious_ certainly looks close to the arcade, with its clean lines and solid colors. A little too clean for my tastes, almost clinical, sterile. The color palette feels a touch cold, lacking warmth in the greens and browns. Animation also seems slightly lacking, but perhaps that's my imagination. The audio, likewise, is lacking that extra oomph at the bottom, or the rich midtones. Namco's coin-op original sounds very good, even today. This NES version is too thin and tinny, and it adds to that sterile feel.

The gameplay is still very good, in that your ship moves where you want it to go. You're able to fire your lasers and drop your bombs with ease. But the enemies are more sparse, they attack in fewer numbers. And don't they feel a bit slow? This is one of those videogames where everything is just _off_. If you could tweak here or there, just a couple adjustments, everything could gel together and we'd be fine. Pity it never happened.

In my experience, the best home translation of _Xevious_ is the Atari 7800 version. Yes, the graphics are far chunkier, the colors far blockier, the sound effects far harsher (you can thank the old Warner-run Atari Inc. for not making the POKEY audio chip standard on the system). Yes to all those things. But the _feel_ is just right; the endless waves of spaceships in the air, the constant barrage of tanks and bunkers from the ground, the relentless pacing, the fiendishly difficult mother ships. Everything is perfect. The colors are richer, more solid. The chunky graphics have a certain painterly charm, as though drawn with a wider paintbrush.

Sure, those lousy Atari 7800 ProLine controllers cramp your hands (find the European/Australian joypads, or use an emulator), but the action is there and it's as addicting as a Jolt Cola. Best of all: the numerous bonus items that can be bombed out of the ground. This was a feature found on the arcade, and 7800 _Xevious_ runs away with it; secret flags and hidden bunkers are literally all over the place, adding another layer of tension to the action.

I don't know if the secret flags appear at all in Bandai's NES version. Notice how I completely stopped writing about that version? 7800 _Xevious_ dominates the conversation. Bandai can't hold your interest for more than a minute before they're completely overwhelmed. Even the title screen is weak and flat when compared the Atari's version. What's the use?

### Yoshi

Nintendo for NES

Puzzle

1992

Rating: 5/10

Once upon a time, Nintendo secured the rights to a little-known puzzle game from Russia called _Tetris_. It was released as the pack-in title for their new portable videogame system, the Game Boy, and both achieved spectacular success. For the next several years, players were caught in the grip of "Tetris Fever," and software developers rushed to create their own take on the falling-pit puzzle game.

_Yoshi_ is one of those attempts to cash in on the craze. It is, unfortunately, mediocre, forgettable, and just not very good. It is nowhere in the same league as Alexi Pashitnov's masterpiece, arguably the single greatest videogame ever made.

The approach to _Yoshi's_ gameplay is slightly different and original, and for that I will give Nintendo credit. Objects fall down into a pit, in singles or in pairs, and the player (as Mario, of course) controls four platforms at the bottom. When the pieces land, they form columns in one of those four spaces; the player can switch those columns around.

Objects are removed from the playfield by connecting pairs, again from the _Super Mario_ universe: two piranha plants, for example. The twist comes in the form of Yoshi eggs, which appear in broken halves. Your goal is to match the egg's top half to its bottom half, which hatches a Yoshi and scores big points. More importantly, if objects are in between the two egg halves, they will also be removed and score bonus points. This is where strategy and risk-reward come into play. Do you grab that upper shell quickly, or risk everything stall for time to collect some objects first?

This game was released on the NES and Game Boy, but it's very clear that Nintendo's focus was on the portable version, with its small playfield, its limited color palette (puzzle videogames were always known for their functional, austere graphics). You can tell that small children are _Yoshi's_ intended audience; gameplay is somewhat basic and simple, more so than Tetris and many other puzzle titles. Elements common to later puzzle videogames such as combos or multiplayer modes are absent. You cannot even match pairs horizontally or diagonally; a fatal mistake, in my view, one that severely limits the game's potential depth.

I also must admit that I'm not very fond of the _Mario_ characters in this game; Nintendo goes overboard with their branding, and it doesn't endear me to this title. It only highlights the "kiddie" nature of this title. _Little Timmy's First Puzzle Game_ , I suppose. But at the time, he was most likely already playing _Tetris_ , and would likely become bored by _Yoshi's_ stripped-down style. And don't get started on today's kids, who have 50,000 iOS puzzle games at their fingertips.

Nintendo never quite cracked the _Tetris_ formula. Goodness knows they tried their best. But this genre always seemed to evade them.

## Part II:

Super  
Nintendo  
Entertainment  
System  
(Super NES)

### ActRaiser

Quintet and Enix for Super NES

Adventure

1991

Rating: 8/10

_ActRaiser_ is a solid showcase for the Super NES, inventive and whip-smart, occasionally brilliant, sometimes too clever for its own good. Released in the fall of 1991, it provided Nintendo's 16-bit system with a much-needed quality software title at a time when most third-party software developers were struggling to understand the hardware.

This videogame is a genre mashup never seen before or since: one half is a 2D scrolling action-platformer, the other half is a world-building simulation. It's one of those ideas that sounds like a cheap gimmick, a quick cash-in on popular trends, yet it works succeeds in blending its two halves together into a solid, cohesive world. You play the role of a deity, based strongly on Greek mythology, who must cleanse an ancient world of evil, first by battling monsters on the ground, then by aiding in the growth of human cities from the skies above.

The action stages are very solid. For many players, this is the meat of the game, and _ActRaiser_ delivers a terrific variety of landscapes and worlds and mythical monsters to conquer. Controlling a warrior statue, you must navigate caves, climb over dangerous cliffs, leap over platforms large and small, jump over collapsing bridges, run through haunted forests, all the while battling with sword in hand. Monsters come large and small, from annoying bats to gremlins throwing rocks to skeleton warriors.

Its execution reminds me a lot of _Rastan_ , _The Legendary Axe_ and _Mystic Defender_ , three peers from the period. The action levels in _ActRaiser_ play out very much like a simplified, slimmed-down _Castlevania_ , with the difficulty considerably relaxed. You'll find a fair amount of challenge, but nothing that will frustrate you for very long. Even the impressive boss fights (again based on Greek myths) will confound you the first couple times, but you'll quickly learn the proper patterns and defeat them easily.

Victorious, you return to your sky temple, and proceed to one of six city-states to rebuild human civilization. These stages are very strongly inspired by _Populous_ and _SimCity_ , the leaders of the "God Games" which were arriving on the scene. Your control becomes far more limited; your role is mostly reserved for advice and consent, as you guide the people to build and grow their cities. They do listen and follow your instructions...most of the time, that is.

In the world-building stages, your primary goal will be to defeat roaming monsters, and lead the people to seal the monster lairs which are scattered around various points. Controlling a cherub armed with a bow, you must destroy these flying beasts before they kidnap humans or destroy houses. Defeating them will also increase your spirit power, which enables you to perform "miracles" (the _Populous_ influence), which is necessary to clear land for housing developments. As the cities grow, relics are discovered that increase your own abilities, as well as introduce new technologies to other cities, such as wheat or bridges.

There's a very fascinating interplay between the two sides of _ActRaiser_. Your score in action mode will determine the total number of humans available in the cities. Your level ranking in simulation mode is determined by the human population, and reaching the next levels will increase your avatar's power and health, including additional special attacks that prove vital against the bosses. The ultimate goal is twofold: rack up the high scores in the action scenes, maximize the population in the simulation scenes. Very smart. This also adds to the replay value, as you'll want to fully populate this world.

Where _ActRaiser_ stumbles is in its relatively relaxed difficulty. Most players, regardless of skill, should be able to restore the world and win the game in short order. The action stages are moderately challenging, but I don't mind. It's the simulation stages that are too easy; it's actually impossible to lose! Your cherub takes damage, but if his health meter is run out, he only loses the ability to fire his arrows, a temporary setback and little more. The flying monsters that kill the humans? Their souls are simply returned to the monster lairs, and are liberated once those pits are sealed. So nobody really ever gets hurt and nobody ever really dies. Gee, that would be a nice world to live in. But it's a lousy idea for a videogame.

Some players will have little problem for this, particularly those who struggle with most classic videogames, which were often more difficult than they needed to be. Expert players will bulldoze their way through _ActRaiser_ in a good weekend, and then return to their favorite _Castlevania_ fix. Every now and then, however, they'll be tempted to return for another quick run, and play with a big smile on their faces.

_ActRaiser_ was the first title developed by Japanese software studio Quintet. The company was founded by Tomoyoshi Miyazaki and Masaya Hashimoto, a writer-designer team responsible for creating Nihon Falcom's seminal role-playing series _Y's_. Fellow _Y's_ veteran Yuzo Koshiro also lent his talents as the music composer; Ayano Koshiro, his sister, created the character designs. Quintet would create a successful library of adventure games for the Super NES, including the celebrated "trilogy" of _Soul Blazer_ , _Illusion of Gaia_ and _Terranigma_.

In 1992, an _ActRaiser_ sequel appeared that featured spectacular Super NES graphics, but excised the simulation mode entirely, leaving only a very challenging and stylish, but somewhat disappointing, sequel. Personally, I much prefer Quintet's _Solo Crisis_ for Sega Saturn (released only in Japan), which is another excellent genre mashup, this time a fusion of _Shining Force_ and _Populous_.

As for Yuzo Koshiro, he is most famous for his spectacular videogame soundtracks, especially _The Revenge of Shinobi_ and the _Streets of Rage_ trilogy on Sega Genesis. He and his sister would later form the Ancient studio, and create a number of classic videogames themselves, including the _Thor_ series on Genesis and Saturn. The fate of Quintet remains unknown; they mysteriously closed down their company message board in 2002, and their website in 2008.

### Aero the Acrobat

Sunsoft for Super NES

Action

1993

Rating: 3/10

Today's Lesson: Just because something receives enormous hype, that doesn't mean it's any good. Our example is _Aero the Acrobat_ , a 16-bit videogame released in 1993 to the Super NES and Sega Genesis. This title was Sunsoft's entry into the popular "Mascot" craze that followed the success of _Sonic the Hedgehog_. The Mario Brothers, icons of the 1980s NES era, were suddenly dismissed as out-of-date, out-of-fashion and childish; the future belonged to hip, rebellious cartoon mascots with a renegade attitude and a sneer.

Retail shelves were flooded with such mascot games, which were usually the creation of cynical marketing departments and corporate branding. Software companies were convinced that they needed their own mascot, their own _Sonic_ , to represent their brand to the young alternative and hip-hop generation.

Can you see the problem with this strategy? Can you see what's missing from the formula? The videogame itself is nowhere to he seen. The advertising execs only appeared dimly aware, if at all, of the culture of gaming and what made the medium tick. There was no understanding of what made _Sonic_ a smash hit with the kids in the '90s, or what made _Mario_ popular with kids in the '80s.

Software publishers never learned anything about what made _Sonic_ tick. "A sarcastic sneer? A wisecracking smile? Toe-tapping impatience? Good enough. Gameplay mechanics? How do they work? Let's go!" There's only one problem: _Aero the Acrobat_ is a terrible videogame. It's not even moderately entertaining or a romantic failure. It just stinks.

Where to begin? How about Aero himself, the anti-hero circus star with an attitude, a pair of shades, and loaded with bad puns? See, he's an acroBAT. Get it? What's really funny is that Aero possesses no real acrobatic skills, no gliding and flying abilities, no stunts, no riding animals, no breathing fire. His only known talents are a slowly sliding walk, an awkward throwing motion, an ability to climb ladders, and a spinning attack that a) only works diagonally, and b) only works in short bursts. His running animations are awkward, and momentum-based in that sense that he gradually builds up speed, and also requires an extra second to stop. It's more than a little annoying, as if everything were covered in ice.

Question: Why is this character a circus star? What, exactly, does he do? Is he the guy who makes balloon animals or sells popcorn?

Throughout the levels, your main foes are renegade clowns, although they may be perfectly normal for all we know, and Aero is just extremely paranoid (they're coming to take his job). It is only your near-useless attack that makes the clowns challenging at all; Sonic or Mario wouldn't even get their shoes dirty. The level designs follow a non-linear style that was common to the Commodore Amiga, where each stage is a large, sprawling space without beginning or end. Your goals involve searching for items or jumping on specific platforms. This design works better for 3D videogames such as _Super Mario 64_ or _Banjo-Kazooie_ ; in the traditional 2D platformer, however, it's a sluggish, ponderous mess.

Later levels take you outside of the circus tent, first to an amusement park, and then the outer world beyond, and it never quite works. There are far too few ideas to justify the carnival setting, and when Aero lands in the middle of the woods, I suspect that the programmers just gave up, running through the usual platforming level design cliches, but with the same boxy clunkiness as before.

As far as I can tell, the goal of _Aero the Acrobat_ is to pick up a lot of trash and jump on a lot of blue platforms. _Super Mario_ lets you explore vast worlds and rescue a Princess. _Sonic the Hedgehog_ lets you rescue animals, restore a polluted world, even travel through time. Somebody at Sunsoft thought picking up soda cups and popcorn bags would be more fun. I'm joking, of course. The people responsible for this videogame never thought that hard. They had their precious mascot Poochie and his "proactive paradigm." And aren't those just buzzwords used by dumb people to sound important? Of course they are.

### Axelay

Konami for Super NES

Shooter

1992

Rating: 9/10

Scrolling arcade shoot-em-ups are at least 70% spectacle. They are the videogame equivalent to roller coasters, and much of their excitement hails from the adrenaline rush of flying, climbing and crashing at terrific speeds. It's all about the discovery of new worlds, the marvel of stunning visual effects, and battling enemy fleets with dazzling weaponry. Technosoft's _Thunder Force 3_ is a classic example, with its lava world composed of giant rolling flames. Telenet's _Gaiares_ is another brilliant example, with a jump through hyperspace that ends in a sea of electrified black holes. These are the moments that make scrolling arcade shooters so much fun.

_Axelay_ surely belongs in this hallowed league of the greats. It is easily the best shoot-em-up for the Super NES, a system that famously struggled with fast arcade experiences. Once again, you fly a lone spaceship against an overwhelming alien fleet, desperate to roll back an invasion of your home worlds. Your ship is armed with a multiple of weapons that can be switched on the fly; there are no power-up icons or weapon upgrades, which is a welcome change of pace for the genre. It also anticipates Treasure's classic _Radiant Silvergun_ in this respect. I am reminded that Treasure was founded by former Konami programmers, and suspect that some of them may have worked on this title.

The hook to this videogame is a dazzling visual effect that is quite unique and very inventive. You fly over the homeworlds in a behind-the-ship view, as the earth bends and curves below you in a 3D spherical effect never before seen, easily one of the greatest demonstrations of SNES "Mode 7" graphics. The level designs, while fitting squarely within genre norms, feature spectacular layouts. You will have to dodge jagged mountain cliffs, navigate narrow passageways, and blast away metal pipes that block your path.

The real stars of _Axelay_ are the stage bosses, enormous creatures and machines that fill the screen and intimidate the player. The greatest of these, one of the all-time great videogame villains, is the enormous fire monster who emerges from an ocean of lava, dripping and heaving and melting under your fire, revealing a mechanized skeletal core.

These rolling overhead stages are paired with more conventional side-scrolling levels, which are less inspired but still thoroughly entertaining. These follow the standards of _R-Type_ and _Gradius_ and the _Thunder Force_ series, and feature skillful level designs and variety of enemies to destroy. For most players, these levels are treated as a respite from the overhead roller coasters which are the main course.

_Axelay_ is a very challenging game, but not overwhelming. You're not in _R-Type_ territory; thank heavens for that. The Super Nintendo never enjoyed the multitudes of arcade shoot-em-ups as seen on the Turbografx-16, Genesis or Saturn. Try to name another great title beyond this one, _Space Megaforce_ and _R-Type 3_. Nintendo's own _Star Fox_ was pretty good at the time, but hasn't really aged well (its Nintendo 64 sequel is the definitive take). _Gradius 3_ , _Super R-Type_ , _Darius Twin_ , _Super Nova_ , _Super E.D.F._ , _U.N. Squadron_ , _Firepower 2000_? Please, spare me. _Phalanx_ at least has its famously bad cover design to keep you amused. I still have no idea how that one ever happened.

### Castlevania 4

Konami for Super NES

Action

1991

Rating: 9/10

I don't know how many of you felt in the final weeks of 1991, but I was firmly convinced that Konami's _Castlevania 4_ was the best thing that happened to the Super Nintendo.

Roll back to that fateful year. Nintendo was the king of the videogame world, thanks to its dominating NES. Its successor, the Super NES, was expected to continue that dominance, and Nintendo spared no expense in designing the most powerful home videogame system ever seen. Compared to their closest rival, the Sega Genesis, there was no contest: Nintendo's 16-bit console featured a palette of over 32,000 colors (compared to Sega's 512), spectacular sprite scaling and rotation effects, and an advanced sound processor designed by Sony that utilized digital sampling of real musical instruments. "Welcome to the Next Level," indeed.

And the something remarkable happened: Nintendo stumbled, badly. _Super Mario World_ , the flagship title, was received by the public with a lukewarm reception, considered to be a mild disappointment compared to _Sonic the Hedgehog_ , Sega's blockbuster hit for the Genesis. Software titles were sparse in number. Of the few games that were released, many were plagued with crippling slowdown ( _Super R-Type_ , _Gradius 3_ ), missing features ( _Final Fight_ ), or mediocre gameplay ( _Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball_ , _Super Bases Loaded_ , _John Madden Football_ , _Hyperzone_ ). The much-hyped "next generation of videogames" failed to materialize.

The Sega Genesis, meanwhile, not only refused to be steamrolled, but roared with a spectacular library of breakout hits: _Sonic_ , _Streets of Rage_ , _Toejam & Earl_, _John Madden Football 92_ , _NHL Hockey_ , _Starflight_ , _Road Rash_ , _Rolling Thunder 2_. In a revolutionary year, Sega was set to topple another old paradigm. In the end, they would steal half the videogame market from Nintendo, dealing a knockout blow from which they would not recover for nearly 15 years.

All of this is a long, roundabout way of saying that I was happy and relieved when _Castlevania 4_ arrived. The Super NES finally had a third-party showcase title that delivered what Nintendo promised. It's absolutely smashing. On the NES, the _Castlevania_ series were menacing, powerful, gothic brilliance. You were welcomed into a world of Baroque music, medieval architecture, crumbling castles, brittle staircases, and fiendish monsters that struck without warning, from every direction. You were never safe, never guaranteed safe passage anywhere. Here was a foreboding world that broke your bones and beat you senseless. These were some of the tightest, most challenging videogames of the NES era. Konami's 16-bit sequel proudly continues that tradition.

_Castlevania 4_ is absolutely flooded with atmosphere. Consider the opening sequence, where an abandoned cemetery headstone is shattered in bolts of lightning; Dracula, the series villain, escapes his tomb once again, and flies away amidst rolling waves of dense fog. All of the fog is transparent and multi-layered; it overwhelms the screen as the music hauntingly drones in arpeggios and moans. Simon Belmont, the series' original hero, sets forth on his quest through the ruins, forests, and caves of Transylvania, facing monsters large and small,

One of my favorite levels takes place against a waterfall. You must climb the cliffs to reach a pathway at the very top. The rocks are covered with Man-eating plants, bats and monsters descend from above, platforms precariously crumble beneath your feet. Everything is painted in tones of grey, brown, blue and purple. The music features piano samples for a lonely, haunting score. True story: One night in late 1991, I played _Castlevania 4_ on my 13-inch television while my college roommate was napping. When he awoke, he told me the music from the waterfall stage gave him nightmares. It unnerved him a little. He didn't quite expect a humble videogame to have that effect.

Other stages feature a broken bridge that must be crossed by throwing your whip against metal hooks attached to the walls, swinging like Robin Hood (this is the game's key gameplay innovation); a vast underground cavern littered with decaying rocks, stalactites and fire monsters that multiply when hit; a series of Atlantean ruins, have submerged in water, as mermen and skeleton lizards shoot fire from the walls; a spectacular rotating chamber beset with deadly spikes in all directions; a crystalline cavern with a flowing river that suddenly changes direction, as skull totems and winged creatures strike. All of this only describes _Castlevania's_ first half, the journey to Dracula's castle; the second half is no less wondrous and surprising, but doubly more difficult. Your skills will really be put to the test.

I must confess that the first half is so good, so perfect, that the castle stages feel less inspired, more rote. It's here that _Castlevania_ settles into its groove as a masterful scrolling action-platformer, fiercely difficult and relentless. Many of the castle rooms — a ballroom, a library, a gold vault, a torture chamber — will become staples in future titles in the series. The armored knights and flying ghosts will do their best to make your journey as difficult as possible. I hope you saved that triple-shot boomerang. No? Ah, too bad.

_Castlevania 4_ is a spectacular showcase for the Super Nintendo. I think it has some of the best graphics, and easily the best music, of the 16-bit era. The boss battles are epic, the levels endlessly varied, the controls precise. You can tell the level designers had studied the previous _Castlevania_ games for inspiration, without merely rehashing old tricks. And the visual effects are stunning. There's one stage where you walk through a vast rotating column; the SNES "Mode 7" bends and warps the backgrounds to impressive effect, even including surprises falling out the windows. And most bosses involve scaling and rotation effects. Combined with _F-Zero_ , this title demonstrates the power of Nintendo's 16-bit system masterfully. Even the mighty Sega Genesis couldn't match it. _Castlevania: Bloodlines_ , while praised by series fans, was nowhere near as good as this game. It felt like a glorified NES title by comparison, dull and washed out and simplified. What a disappointment, I thought at the time. It's enough to give diehard Sega fans nightmares in their dorm rooms.

### Contra 3: The Alien Wars

Konami for Super NES

Action

1992

Rating: 9/10

On the NES, Konami were arguably the dominant software developers, responsible for many classic videogames such as _Contra_ , _Castlevania_ , _Metal Gear_ , _Gradius_ , and _Blades of Steel_. For a short while, they continued their run of dominance into the 16-bit era with stellar versions of its classics and originals like _Axelay_. _Contra 3: The Alien Wars_ is one of the most celebrated of those games. It may even be their greatest title on the Super NES, a classic roller coaster ride of steroid-fueled action and mayhem.

It's common knowledge that the top-tier developers at Konami responsible for _Contra 3_ were the ones who later quit the company to form Treasure. You can see _Gunstar Heroes_ as their twisted revenge against Konami's rigid formulas and longstanding franchises. The first level in _Gunstar_ (the green earth one) is nearly a direct homage to the first level in _Contra 3_ , spiked with a very generous dose of LSD.

So, okay, _Contra 3_ is all square jaws and Governor Arnold, while _Gunstar Heroes_ is _Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds_. As far as straight-laced _Rambo_ revenge fantasies go (a 1980s arcade videogame obsession), this videogame series is about as good as it gets. This title offers a steady supply of thrills and spills, and a number of amazingly impressive Super NES visual effects, like that bomber plane swooping in with a napalm strike, a giant armored turtle, and a robot-skeleton that smashes in from the back wall of a fortress.

As a Super Nintendo owner back in 1992, I was very thrilled to have such a magnificent action game in my library. The graphics are sensational, loaded with color and details, and action that hurls you in every conceivable direction. You really never know quite what to expect next, and it's a great roller coaster rush. After the mildly disappointing _Super C_ on NES, this was a welcome return to form for the _Contra_ series, a realization of everything the original classic promised: fast action, blazing weapons, thrilling locations, endless explosions.

Having two weapons, one massive gun in each hand, was a welcome addition, as well as the smart bombs which were always needed in desperate situations. The intensity of the action is always overwhelming, with soldiers, fighter planes and mutant aliens assaulting you from every angle. I've always felt that a two-player videogame should be nearly impossible with a single player; you need teamwork to survive the endless onslaught. It's very true here.

As a Sega Genesis owner, I also felt a twinge of jealousy that the Super NES had such a great action game in its library, one that really pushed the boundaries of the hardware, one that offered arcade-calibur thrills and spills. The Genesis was strangely lacking in this genre; _Midnight Resistance_ was the closest of the early _Contra_ wannabes, yet its gameplay was very slow and stilted, like something cobbled together on a Commodore 64. Most of the system's action titles followed after _Revenge of Shinobi_ : slower paced, more methodical, less manic. We would have to wait until 1994 for the mighty _Gunstar Heroes_ to finally have a run-and-gun shooter to embrace. As for the hyper-caffeinated insanity that is _Contra: Hard Corps_ , well, that's another discussion by itself.

_Contra 3: The Alien Wars_ embraces the model of action set-pieces that was becoming popular during this period. Capcom were masters of the form, as seen in _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ and _Strider_. One standout sequence involves aircraft loaded with rockets. You begin on the ground, riding a futuristic motorbike and chasing a large aircraft. After dispatching a strange, spindly robot, you leap onto an aircraft, clinging onto an armed rocket. After another fight against an alien soldier, the rocket is launched, and you must leap from one missile to the next, all while shooting at a large aircraft that is not only protected by shields, but hurling fireballs at you. It's all such an enormous rush, and if you survive, you'll need a moment to catch your breath. The entire videogame plays out like that.

This game is extremely challenging, brutally hard, which is a real change of pace for _Contra_ (the NES original was a cakewalk, and don't let any no-talent gamers tell you otherwise). There is no Konami Code to bail you out this time, but since when was that a problem? Most kids back in the day hardly ever beat most videogames. They enjoyed the ride and spending time with friends and family, and that was sufficient.

### Donkey Kong Country

Rare for Super NES

1994

Rating: 9/10

I'll share with you a story from behind the scenes. It was the 1994 Summer Consumer Electronics Show, which in those days was the largest pageant for the videogame industry, who showed off their latest products in anticipation of the all-important Christmas shopping season. I attended as a member of the press, thanks to my freelancing work for _Gamepro_ Magazine and my own gaming fanzine, _V_. Many zine editors, or "faneds," made the trip to Chicago for CES, and the entire event became a Woodstock for our small but dedicated community.

That year, the loudest buzz circled around the upcoming fifth-generation videogame systems from Sega (Saturn) and Sony (Playstation) who were preparing to launch in Japan that upcoming November, with a US release the following year. Panasonic's 3DO and Atari's Jaguar were also present, struggling to stay relevant, the Phillips CD-I somehow continued to exist for reasons nobody could comprehend, and Commodore offered a dedicated console (Amiga CD32) that never made it out of the gate. The 16-bit generation was winding down, with the next generation ready at the wings.

The most important player in this mix, of course, was Nintendo. Even though they had lost half the videogame market to Sega (after near-universal dominance with the NES), they were the brand most people associated with "videogames," and their rumored super-system, dubbed "Project Reality," was the talk of the town. Would Nintendo unveil something at CES, a tease, at least?

Industry attendees, retailers, and journalists descended upon McCormick Place in Chicago, eagerly anticipating a glimpse of the future. Atari had a prominent Jaguar display with a number of key titles, including Ubisoft's _Rayman_ and a cool space shooter dubbed _Space War 2000_. Sega offered _Gunstar Heroes_ and _Sonic & Knuckles_ for the Genesis and a rash of FMV games for Sega CD (we will say nothing about the abomination that is 32X). Sony was quietly showing off its Playstation behind closed doors. And we faneds were happily crashing the party, scoring interviews, meeting clients, working on writing assignments, and smuggling as many alcoholic drinks at parties as we could carry.

Nintendo's exhibition space fascinated everyone who arrived early. It was decked out in a jungle motif, with fake palm trees and vines encasing the walls and ceilings. It was a bit like visiting a tropical-themed restaurant; one almost expected waiters to hand out drinks. The gossip was that all this was for Project Reality; anticipation was through the roof.

When CES opened, Nintendo unveiled their jungle set with television monitors inside. On the screens played a new videogame, a side-scrolling action-platformer featuring state-of-the-art pre-rendered CGI graphics. It looked better than anything on the Genesis or Super NES, better than anything on 3DO, CD-i, CD32 or Jaguar. Our prayers had been answered! It must be Project Reality!

And then Nintendo dropped the bombshell. The hardware underneath the monitors was revealed, and it was not Project Reality. It was a Super NES. The cartridge included no special hardware, no new chips. Everything was running on stock hardware, and the attendees were astonished, dumbfounded. The videogame was _Donkey Kong Country_.

_Donkey Kong Country_ became an immediate sensation at the 1994 Summer CES. It was released to universal critical acclaim and blockbuster success, selling over nine million copies worldwide. It provided the Super NES with its second wind, and buying Nintendo much-needed time to prepare their fifth-generation system. It's a safe bet that Nintendo would not have had the luxury to patiently craft _Super Mario 64_ to perfection if not for Donkey and Diddy Kong. The success of the series also enabled Nintendo to boast — not entirely truthful, but not entirely false — that they defeated the Sega Genesis and "won" the 16-bit war.

I should probably say something about _DKC_ itself. It's a brilliantly conceived and executed platformer, always challenging and exciting, packed with surprises and secrets. It still looks terrific, sounds wonderful (thank you, David Wise), and always puts a smile on my face. Its gameplay is simplified when compared to Nintendo's own _Super Mario World_ and _Yoshi's Island_ , but I believe this works in its favor. This title was enormously popular because it was easy to play. Many people who lacked the skill set for most videogames jumped into _Donkey Kong's_ world with ease. It is a lesson that Nintendo would learn again, to smashing success, with _Wii Sports_ and _Wii Play_ many years later.

There are so many great moments in _Donkey Kong Country_ : running through the lush jungles; rolling over Kremlings; crashing through enemies and walls with Rambi the Rhino; throwing barrels (a nice homage to the original 1981 _Donkey Kong_ ); swinging on vines; bouncing on tires, trying to avoid those bees; swimming around underwater mazes, avoiding sharks; riding through the best mine cart stages ever devised. There's an early stage where the weather suddenly turns from sun to rain, turning dark and stormy, and it never fails to marvel. And, of course, who can forget Cranky Kong and his endless complaining — we can only imagine what he'd say about today's Xbox and Playstation consoles. He would probably demand that you play classic videogames on a picture tube television set. He would be right.

Of the three entries in the series, _Donkey Kong Country 2_ gets the most love, and _DKC 3_ is unfairly dismissed. The original is taken for granted. It's always there, always dependable. And it's the only game in the trilogy to feature Donkey Kong (say what you will, that's gutsy). _Donkey Kong 64_ felt too much like _Banjo-Kazooie_ and not enough like the 2D originals, but 2D videogames were absolutely toxic by 1999, leaving Rare little choice. At least they had that catchy rap song.

Rare was already a legendary software studio before _DKC_ , but this game marks the beginning of their glory years, becoming the driving force behind the Nintendo 64. Can you imagine N64 without _Blast Corps_ , _Goldeneye_ , _Jet Force Gemini_ , _Perfect Dark_ , and _Conker's Bad Fur Day_? Of course you can't. I really wish Nintendo would just pay Microsoft the damn ransom and bust the Stamper Brothers out of their dungeon cell, and then we could get some great videogames again.

### F-Zero

Nintendo for SNES

Racing

1991

Rating: 10/10

When the Super Nintendo Entertainment System arrived in September of 1991, riding a year-long wave of hype and anticipation, all eyes were on the flagship title, _Super Mario World_. But the game that really turned our heads and take notice wasn't _Mario_ , but a futuristic space racer called _F-Zero_. That game was the real killer app in the Super NES launch lineup, and has remained very popular ever since.

_F-Zero_ is a spectacular demonstration of the Super Nintendo's amazing scaling and rotation abilities, commonly referred to as "Mode 7," after the graphics mode used by programmers. It is used here to render the 3D racetracks, which scroll with amazing fluidity, always fast and responsive, always smooth. Previously, all sprite-based graphics in the home had to be drawn separately, which resulted in choppy scrolling. _Super Hang-On_ on Sega Genesis is one good example. Hardware graphics scaling was an expensive technology exclusive to video arcades. When Nintendo brought it home, they immediately raised the bar for 16-bit graphics. And they especially raised the bar for racing games.

The graphics in _F-Zer_ o are impressively detailed, thanks to the system's large color palette. The racetracks are numerous and varied in their style, including turbo pads that boost your vehicle's speed, ramps that send you flying, mines that detonate on impact, magnet bars that pull you off the track, and countless curves and sharp turns. The sides of the tracks are weaponized, meaning that if you crash into them, your ship will take damage. In heated matches, vehicles knock each other around, sometimes into those side railings, and sometimes destroying them entirely. Forget about winning the race; you'll be lucky just to survive.

Beyond the racetracks lie futuristic cities with glittering lights and flashes of tiny cars on space highways. I'm never sure if they're meant to be cities or enormous cybernetic circuit boards. Either way, the effects are impressive. And Nintendo absolutely outdid themselves with the track designs. Based on three different circuits, with four difficulty setting each, the courses begin easily but quickly overwhelm the player with rapid-fire turns and unexpected curves. There are a number of 180-degree turns that will leave you bouncing against the side railings like a pinball if you're not careful. A few courses add in heavy cross winds that blow your hovercraft all over the place. Oh, you'll love those ones.

_F-Zero_ is blazingly fast, super responsive, and the handling on your hovercraft always perfect. The Super NES controller takes advantage of its unique shoulder buttons for leaning on turns; can you imagine a videogame controller today without shoulder buttons? Nintendo has always been geniuses at exploiting new controller designs. It's a very strong case for why they should remain in the hardware business. Their systems influence the software, and vice versa. Take that synergy away, and watch the quality of their future games plummet. It happened to Sega, and it can happen here. Consider this a warning to the armchair critics hoping that Nintendo closes up shop to become an Apple or Sony developer. Such a move would prove disastrous.

As always, no discussion of _F-Zero_ is complete without mentioning the fantastic jazz soundtrack, another showcase for the Super NES hardware. The main theme song is lifted wholesale from Frank Zappa's _Waka/Jawaka_ , and the other tracks follow a similar style of silky smooth electric jazz. They seem to evoke Herbie Hancock and 1970s Miles Davis (the famous underground music from _Super Mario Bros_ was apparently stolen from the middle section of _Calypso Frelimo_ from Miles' 1974 album _Get Up With It_ ). This may be my favorite music on this system. It's probably yours as well. More videogames need jazz music.

The most common complaint against the original _F-Zero_ is that it's single-player only; no split screen multiplayer is available. I'll agree that it was a minor grumble at the time, but multiplayer racing videogames in those days looked terrible, and were rarely entertaining. This greatly explains the vast appeal of _Super Mario Kart_ , which arrived on the SNES two years later to split-screen perfection. We do have _F-Zero: Maximum Velocity_ on Gameboy Advance for multiplayer racing, but that title can be hit or miss at times. It doesn't quite have the same mojo as the original. Oh, well. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

### Final Fight

Capcom for Super NES

Fighting

1991

Rating: 5/10

When it comes to scrolling martial arts videogames, there's _Double Dragon_ , there's _Streets of Rage_ , and there's _Final Fight_. For many gamers, Capcom's arcade blockbuster is the genre's definitive title, thanks to its bright and colorful comic book graphics, its large and chunky characters, its gritty urban landscapes, and its swift, frenetic action. It's always a rush to play a couple stages, knocking down row after row of bad guys large and small, beating down gang thugs with rock-star names like Axl and Slash, Roxie and Andre. Some people want videogames to probe deep questions or tell great stories or offer immersive dream worlds; others seek nothing more than dumb violence and adrenaline thrills. Mash buttons, beat up bad guys, rinse and repeat. _Final Fight_ is that sort of game.

I always get a kick out of playing Mike Haggar, the wrestler-turned-mayor who's on a quest to rescue his kidnapped daughter (the Mad Gear gang, as far as I can tell, are forcing her to star in a Poison video). He grabs his opponents and slams them to the floor, and everything on screen shakes. His flying piledriver was my favorite move, particularly when landing into a crowd, scattering bodies like bowling pins. Sometimes, when I'm feeling more impatient, I'll play Guy, the street ninja who attacks with a flurry of rapid punches and jump kicks.

Like most videogames or the period, _Final Fight_ balances its characters on a strength-versus-speed line. This makes for some nice variety when two players join together, and helps prevent repetition from setting into the action, which is always a problem with beat-em-up videogames. Controls are very simple, one punch and jump button, with a nice variety of attack moves at your disposal. You can also pick up objects such as knives, baseball bats and samurai swords. The THWACK sound of a bat against an opponent can be very satisfying, as much as the crashing of wooden crates that are oddly left on the streets. Capcom gets the visceral thrill of martial arts movies and comic books just right.

_Final Fight_ is one of the all-time great videogames. Everything looks terrific, the music is endlessly memorable, the controls tight and responsive ( _Double Dragon_ , by comparison, is much more loose and slightly laggy). Two players are always best, and the difficulty curve is quite high. If you find the arcade game, be sure to bring lots of quarters for you and your friends. Five bucks' worth, at least. Afterwards, you can grab pizza at the food court and feel satisfied with a Saturday at the mall well spent.

Now enter the Super Nintendo, hotly anticipated as the greatest videogame console of all time, but spectacularly stumbled out the gate, allowing Sega Genesis to beat Nintendo senseless. Don't get me wrong, the Super NES had _Super Mario World_ , _F-Zero_ and _Sim City_ , with _Castlevania 4_ and _Final Fantasy 2_ waiting in the wings. But those are the exceptions. And Capcom's home translation of _Final Fight_ is a poster child for everything that went wrong with Nintendo in the latter half of 1991.

First, as all gamers know, _Final Fight_ is single-player only. There is no two-player option, and there is no Guy. Instead, it's just Mayor "Don't Call Him Jesse Ventura" Haggar and "Better in _Alpha 3_ " Cody versus the Mads. This alone turned off most players, who trudged ahead with grouchy disposition and frayed nerves. This is like ordering a pizza without the cheese. Yes, you can still eat it, and the remaining ingredients are pretty good, why bother? What's the point?

Second, this videogame is crippled with slowdown. Lots...of...slowdown. Eventually, you begin to notice that the number of on-screen characters is reduced dramatically. The arcade could fill as many as eight large brawlers on the screen at once. The Super Nintendo couldn't even manage a third of that. This is probably the reason why the second player was removed.

Slowdown has always been an issue for home videogames. It's one of those things you manage when they occur, as long as it's not too common or intrusive. A touch of slowdown in _Sonic the Hedgehog_ is rare, so we look the other way. But the slowdown in the early Super NES was constant, relentless. The damn thing just couldn't get out of first gear, and it was a problem that plagued the system throughout its life. Here was a games console designed perfectly to play Nintendo titles and little else. Sound familiar? I don't think they ever got out of that rut.

Third, major chunks of the arcade _Final Fight_ are missing. The fourth stage, set in an industrial factory, is gone. The boss character Rolento (who later reappeared in the _Street Fighter Alpha_ series) is gone. Many in-between animation frames are gone. The female characters are gone, replaced with a generic orange-haired punk rocker. Several names have been replaced to something less "offensive," as if this were something anybody cared to notice.

Nintendo's approach to censorship made sense in the NES era. Without any editorial control of third-party software, the Atari 2600 was overrun with porn games like _Custer's Revenge_ , which were, frankly, stupid. It was necessary to assure concerned parents in the Puritanical Reagan Era that videogames were not about to corrupt their children to turn them into devil worshippers. And, yes, this was an ongoing concern in those days. Ask Judas Priest.

However, with the 16-bit era, videogames had entered its fourth generation, and the kids who played these games were growing up. The children playing _Super Mario_ became the college freshmen who played _Streets of Rage_ and _Mortal Kombat_ and _Doom_. Nintendo found themselves looking antiquated, parochial, Disneyfied. Here lies another issue that has haunted the company's image ever since.

There are pros and cons to these policies, and the videogame industry continues to struggle with its identify as a pop culture icon for the Peter Pan Generation. But for Capcom and SNES _Final Fight_ , it means that they're stuck with a pretty disappointing title, one that was cut off at the knees, one that has aged terribly.

Fortunately, as a Sega fan, I proudly hold up _Final Fight CD_ on the Sega CD as the definitive home version of the arcade classic, one that restores all the lost elements from the SNES cartridge, and adds a number of key features, including an extended opening sequence, a time attack mode, and a re-scored soundtrack that absolutely kicks. In my better moods, I'll even prefer this version over the arcade (yes, the music is really that good). Why Capcom and Sega never released it on Virtual Console or similar digital service, I'll never know. In my dreams of a classic videogame "Netflix" system, _Final Fight CD_ would be one of my first launch titles. The SNES version? Forget it, kid.

### Ghoul Patrol

Lucasarts for Super NES

Action

1994

Ratings: 4/10

I'll keep this short and simple, kids: _Ghoul Patrol_ is a terrible, awful, annoying videogame. Don't waste your precious time or money. Go find some better Virtual Console games, or better yet, go find some good records or good books.

I think the dirty little secret is that most software developers have no idea why something sells or what makes a videogame good. They work from market-tested checklists, and if they make it all the way down the list, the project is considered a success. Nobody seems to actually test the games they work through, or if it's a sequel, try to understand what made the original a success.

_Ghoul Patrol_ is guilty on all counts. It's a sequel to a goofy little game called _Zombies Ate My Neighbors_ , a monster movie tribute you rescue suburbanites from ghoulie ghoulies, that became a hit on the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis. This sequel simply takes that game and piles more! more! more! on top of everything. More colors! More enemies! Bigger obstacles! Louder Cutscenes! Main characters with hip "attitude" and surfer slang! Kowabunga, dude!

Yuck.

As a practical matter, almost nothing works. Your character moves painfully slow, sluggishly skating along the maze-like levels. Your weapons are surprisingly weak against monsters, which can become a major problem in cramped quarters. Some programming genius decided to put zombies right in front of doors to buildings, and then decided they should immediately re-spawn the second you shoot the old one down. That became a real problem for me.

Let's see, what else? The cartoon music was irritating as hell. It was like clown music, or _Scooby Doo_ on a bad day. This is very much a "cartoon game," which was in vogue at the time (thank you very much, David Perry). The lengthy opening cut-scenes bored me to tears. I forgot how much I hated all that _Ninja Turtle_ surfer slang. Whoa, dude, bogus! That was never cool, and teenagers were never impressed. What part of "Poochie's Dead" didn't get through?

The spacious, open levels of _Zombies Ate My Neighbors_ give way to smaller, more cramped mazes in _Ghoul Patrol_. I felt pinned down in corners, or stuck between boxes and passing cars. The layouts are terrible, too many dead ends and little sense of where to go. Outmanned, outgunned, and frequently out of luck. Ugh. It really was a struggle to play this game for 20 minutes. After that, I was done.

Yes, the graphics are excellent, if overly dark, but so what? Playing _Ghoul Patrol_ is a chore, an obligation. It takes itself far too seriously. You could just as easily play _Zombies_ instead and save yourself the stress. Or you could spin records or read books or go outside. Those ideas work, too.

### Gradius 3

Konami for Super NES

Shooter

1991

Rating: 5/10

I will say this for _Gradius 3_ : It does look terrific. The Super NES launch title closely matches the 16-bit visuals of Konami's 1989 arcade hit, translated in 1991 into a four-megabit cartridge, and there's no doubt it's a show-off title for Nintendo's new system. There are such dazzling sights as giant sand dragons, enormous space bubbles, and floating platforms of giant Moai heads (the famous statues of Easter Island). Graphics are crisp and sharply detailed, bursting with color and light, gleaming spaceships and fiery explosions. It all looks magnificent; that is, until everything slows down to an annoying and frustrating pace, like molasses in January.

To be fair, the arcade version suffers from a lot of slowdown, which is just baffling. Such things are unheard of for coin-op videogames, which employed vastly superior hardware to the home systems (which were considerably stripped down in order to sell to the mass market). It's definitely a problem that Konami could have easily solved by reducing the number of on-screen objects or building more a more powerful motherboard. On the Super Nintendo, however, the programmers were stuck with a notoriously slow and sluggish machine, and few options to work around the bottlenecks.

_Gradius 3_ slows to a crawl often and only relents to full speed in fits and starts. It feels like driving with a teenager who still hasn't mastered manual transmission, jerking back and forth violently. Sometimes this is due to the number of onscreen objects, such as spaceships and bullets. At other times, a fully armed Vic Viper is enough to slow things down, firing lasers with three Option pods in tow. Most of the boss fights run sluggishly. Sometimes this is welcome, as it helps you dodge attacks, much like the "slow" button on the NES Advantage joystick. All the same, I'd rather play at normal speed, thank you very much.

Slowdown was a major issue with the early waves of software titles for the Super NES. Nintendo originally planned for their 16-bit console to also play NES cartridges, so they employed the Ricoh 5A22 CPU, based on the 65C816 processor which was a successor to the 8-bit 6502. However, for reasons that remain unknown to this day, the backward compatibility option was dropped, leaving Nintendo with an unconventional CPU that ran at half the clock speed of the Sega Genesis (powered by the swift Motorola 68000). It would take years for skilled programmers to overcome this weakness.

When it comes to arcade-style shooters, there's no question that the Turbografx-16 and Sega Genesis trounce the SNES. It's not even close. _Thunder Force 3_ , _Gaiares_ , and _Super Star Soldier_ are excellent examples of the genre at its best. They deliver challenging, exciting thrill rides that are bursting with new gameplay ideas, visual effects and level designs. By comparison, _Gradius 3_ begins to feel a bit long in the tooth. Despite an impressive graphical sheen, its gameplay is virtually identical to the two previous Gradius games. _Life Force/Salamander_ , Konami's spinoff-slash-sequel, is more inventive with its mixture of vertical and horizontal scrolling stages, and ultimately a more fun experience.

By 1991, Konami's _Gradius_ formula is becoming stale and tired. You fly the exact same spaceship, utilize the exact same weapons, fly through the exact same landscapes, battle the exact same enemies. And the weird thing is that this formula never really changes over the years. How many titles does this series include? Aren't they all essentially the same?

To add insult to injury, Konami cut many gameplay elements from the arcade _Gradius 3_ , including animation frames, enemy aliens and monsters, and a 3D bonus stage. Several levels are either truncated, remixed extensively, or removed entirely. The arcade's thrilling climax, where you battle a giant deformed face who spits out verbal platitudes, finishes with a harrowing escape through a series of narrow tunnels. On Super NES, this escape is moved to another stage entirely, robbing the finale of its exciting dramatic tension. There are many such slights, and it adds up to a frustrating mediocrity.

I would have preferred to see Konami tackle this videogame later in the SNES lifespan, after programmers had come to grips with the hardware. I'd also like to have seen a two-player mode, like _Life Force_ , which would certainly alleviate the high difficulty. It probably wouldn't have mattered. Software coding can only take you so far; the problem is ultimately one of hardware. If you're looking for your _Gradius_ fix, I'll recommend the _Gradius 3 & 4_ double pack for Playstation 2. The Super Nintendo version? Not so much.

### Harvest Moon

Natsume for Super NES

1996

Rating: 5/10

I will this much in favor of Natsume's _Harvest Moon_ : it has originality on its side. It's a role-playing game where you do not conquer foreign lands, explore underground dungeons or battle magical kings, but live the life of a humble farmer. You own a plot of land, you clear space, you grow crops, you raise chickens and cows, you build fences to protect your investments. Occasionally, you get to hug your pet dog. And you get eventually marry one of the locals. It's a fascinating change of pace and deserves respect.

I have no idea why so many _Harvest Moon_ games have been made. They have appeared on every Nintendo platform since the Super Nintendo in 1996, where it made a splash during the system's final days. Eventually, the series was spun off in several directions with _Rune Factory_ and _Story of Seasons_ , all keeping the original line. By my last count, at least 25 titles in the series have been created. I honestly couldn't tell any difference between any of them if I tried. They are as interchangeable as a pair of socks.

This is one of those videogames I tell myself I should enjoy. Here is a true original in a realm of cookie-cutter fantasy adventures (which, honestly, haven't evolved in decades). Its gameplay is richly detailed and packed with things to do. You'll never become bored with clearing rocks and tree stumps and farming vegetables. Wait, what am I saying? Of course, I bored. I'm bored out of my skull.

There is a certain appeal to this game, its pastoral setting and leisurely pacing. Two decades ago, it was unlike anything on the home console scene. Farming videogames have been extremely rare. I remember one farming simulation on the Atari 8-bit, written in BASIC, where you maintained a farm, owned cows, and sold their milk to market. It was kind of fun. I wish I could find a digital copy somewhere online today. But I'm not sure that it would hold my interest as an adult. There were many videogames that you played as a kid just because it was something to do. You could either play some boring game, watch some boring TV show, or go outside and ride your boring bike around your boring neighborhood.

Yawn. I think I need a nap.

To its credit, _Harvest Moon_ looks glorious, taking full advantage of the Super Nintendo's powers. Colors are richly painted and finely detailed. Overhead clouds cast shadows on the ground, and the passing seasons affect the landscape. I'm reminded how perfectly this console is made for RPGs.

Maybe this isn't so bad. I get to chop down tree stumps, pull weeds, till the land, plant seeds, water them every day...Yawn...Harvest my crops and carry them into storage, one at a time...Milk the cows, feed the chickens...Yawn...Head into town and buy new shovels, give flowers to the girlfriend, pay for that upgrade to the house...Go pick more tomatoes and corn...

KLONK!

Zzzzz....zzzzz....zzzzz.....

### Kirby's Avalanche

Compile/HAL for Super Nintendo

Puzzle

1995

Rating:7/10

In Japan, there was a great development house named Compile. They made a number of classic shoot-em-ups, most notably the famed _Aleste_ series, and they also made an addictive little puzzle game named _Puyo Puyo_. It spawned a number of sequels in its home country, and finally made the jump to the United States during the 16-bit generation. Unfortunately, the game became a victim of Nintendo and Sega's console war. Sega polluted _Puyo Puyo_ with all those crummy characters from the instantly forgettable _Sonic the Hedgehog_ cartoon show, and rechristened it _Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine_. Nintendo and HAL likewise changed the characters into the players from their _Kirby_ universe, retitling it _Kirby's Avalanche_.

Don't let the name changes worry you. It's really not that bad. Chances are, if you like competitive puzzle games, _Puyo Puyo_ is a longtime favorite. I don't know what to say if you bought _Mean Bean Machine_ earlier. Would you need to get _Kirby's Avalanche_ , two versions of the exact same videogame? No, of course not. Unless you just really couldn't stand those _Sonic_ cartoon characters (Urkel as the voice of Sonic?), at which point you will run into Kirby's marshmallow arms.

If I had to choose between the two, I'd go with _Kirby's Avalanche_. The characters are more anime-defined, and the Kirby characters never really caught on as a major series, despite some really good games over the years. So they seem to fit better here without seeming obviously shoehorned. And the Super Nintendo's graphics have an advantage over Genesis: a wider and richer color palette. Sometimes, the grittier colors of Genesis are preferred; here, the colorful cartoon hues of the Super NES work better.

Anyway, at some point I should explain the game for those who aren't well aware. This is a puzzle game where google-eyed balls (the Puyo Puyos, I've always assumed) descend into a pit in joined pairs. In order to remove them, you must link together four of the same colors. The key in mastery, however, lies in linking together combo chains. Successful pairings will send empty "junk" balls into your opponent's pit. Larger chains will send greater numbers of balls into your opponent's pit, and in some cases, completely overwhelming your friend.

Thankfully, the one-player story mode is challenging enough, as the computer shows you some pretty advanced techniques. It's all just practice for two-player games, of course, which is the whole point to the game. _Puyo Puyo_ was the first puzzler to follow _Tetris_ that really took a competitive angle, and it remains the gold standard for the genre. This may be the most iconic puzzle videogame to come from Japan (only _Sokoban_ matches its sphere of influence).

If I don't rank this title any higher in this review, it is only because its sequel, _Puyo Puyo 2_ , introduces a counterattack element, whereby you can knock out your opponent's incoming garbage balls with an attack combo of your own. This single move transforms the series, adding a layer of strategic defense to the gameplay. Players are able to cancel an attack, lessen its damage somewhat, or, if you have a greater combo, counterattack. This gives an added degree of tension into the mix, aside from just setting up long chain combos or struggling to keep your playfield empty. Skilled gamers can really bring the hurt on, nailing you with so many "garbage" Puyos that you don't even stand a chance.

If you are able to grab a copy, _Puyo Puyo 2_ is the real masterpiece, one of the all-time great competitive puzzle videogames. But you can't go wrong with the simpler original.

### The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Nintendo for Super NES

Adventure

1992

Rating: 10/10

Shigeru Miyamoto is the undisputed master of the videogame. His creative genius is the standard by which all others are measured. If you asked me in 1985 who the greatest games designer in the world was, I would have said Miyamoto. Almost 20 years later, computer technology has grown by leaps and bounds, but the master remains the same.

His most famous character, of course, is Mario, who first appeared in _Donkey Kong_ in 1981. After two follow-ups ( _Donkey Kong Junior_ in 1982 and _Mario Brothers_ in 1983), Miyamoto unveiled the landmark _Super Mario Bros._ in 1985. It was more than an extension of previous games; it was as though the videogame, as a form, had reinvented itself. The level of scope and imagination was far beyond anything seen before, and became the blueprint for practically every scrolling platform game ever since.

In 1986, Miyamoto followed up with a new character named Link. _The Legend of Zelda_ was released on Nintendo's 8-bit NES console, introducing players to the modern adventure-role playing game. Instead of _Super Mario_ 's side-view, _Zelda_ is presented in an overhead perspective. The game draws an obvious influence from Warren Robinett's seminal _Adventure_ , but creates a viable fantasy world full of puzzles, fierce battles, and endless surprises.

_Zelda_ is, in a sense, _Mario's_ twin. While the _Zelda_ series takes a Tolkien-esque and slightly more serious tone than the psychedelic primary colors of _Super Mario_ , the sense of wonder and surprise is very much the same. If these games seem to take years to be made, there's a reason. To date, there have been twelve proper _Zelda_ games since 1986 (not counting various spinoffs and the three Capcom-developed titles: Oracle of Seasons, _Oracle of Ages_ and _The Minish Cap_ ), and each one has been hotly anticipated by fans.

This week, I've been playing the third game in the series, _A Link to the Past_. I personally consider _The Ocarina of Time_ on the Nintendo 64 to be the pinnacle of the series, but _Link to the Past_ is often the favorite of diehard fans, and it remains among the finest 2D videogames ever made.

As I've mentioned, _Zelda_ is very much the mirror image of _Mario_ , but in a fantasy role-playing setting. There is a sense of wonder and surprise to both games; you feel that you are exploring a vast world, where the next surprise is right around the corner. The world of _Link to the Past_ is littered with these little teases. In one area, there may be bushes, trees, rocks, boulders, ponds, and tombstones. There may be a surprise behind every one.

Like _Mario_ , there are really two game worlds: the one which is on the screen, and the one that is hidden away, just beyond view. Sure, you could play through this game with only Link's basic sword and shield, but what fun is that? Aren't you at all curious to find what lies behind that wall?

There are so many examples that I could spend hours describing them all. Some secrets reveal extra weapons or items. Some reveal needed information. And some are just to be enjoyed on their own whimsy terms. In one house, you will find a picture of Mario. Tug on the picture and a number of coins pop out. This, in itself, reveals one of Miyamoto's traits: curiosity will be rewarded.

Another convention of his style is the difficulty curve. This game does get progressively challenging, but you are never truly over your head. When a new skill is introduced, there is always an opportunity to practice those skills before they are later needed. The game's trademark dungeons are loaded with clever puzzles that are never too hard, but are rarely giveaways. And there is plenty of arcade action to keep you alert, a quality of early _Zelda_ titles that has become lost in later years.

Navigating dungeons requires you to find a map and compass, but these are never found right away; you must explore the surrounding area first. Miyamoto once remarked that when he travels abroad, he prefers to explore a new city for a while before buying a map. When I read this in an interview many years ago, a light clicked in my head. Suddenly, it all makes perfect sense! Most videogames would be more concerned with the difficulty, or padding out the play time (an overrated measure of its value), but Miyamoto doesn't do that. He's not trying to obsess on the mechanics. He just wants to share the experience of visiting a new place for the first time.

The master imbues his games with, more than anything, a sense of fun. There are many moments in this _Zelda_ that stick out: knocking guards over a ledge; a thief in the woods who steals your items; fairies which can be caught by a net and bottled; a monkey who follows you around; a race around an obstacle course; a pond which is drained (an effect which is masterfully recreated in _Super Mario 64_ ). And then there are those lovable chickens. Some villagers own chickens, which usually mind their own business, but can be picked up and thrown by Link. There's no real point to tossing the birds about; laughing at their flailing feathers is its own reward (In _Ocarina_ , the chickens learn to fight back).

Why does no one else offer an adventure game with a sense of purpose? This is not another by-the-numbers game that only wants to be beaten; _Zelda_ wants to be loved. Every moment is a party and everyone is invited. _Link to the Past_ was reissued several times — Gameboy Advance, Virtual Console — and time has taken none of its charm. If anything, the experience is more enriching than most anything on the contemporary scene. Such is the brilliance of Shigeru Miyamoto and his team.

_The Legend of Zelda_ seems oddly named, since the title character is never the hero but a princess whose only notable talent seems to involve being kidnapped. Instead, you play as the boy hero Link, who ventures into the realm of Hyrule to vanquish enemies, restore peace, and rescue the princess. It's unfortunate that Nintendo has yet to address this problem; even Princess Peach got some action once in a great while. I'd like to see Zelda grab a sword and shield and defend her kingdom for once, or, better yet, rescue the boy. It's her legend. Right?

### Pac-Attack

Namco for Super NES

Puzzle

1993

Rating: 4/10

_Pac-Attack_ is the veritable definition of a cheap cash-in. It takes no risks, has no ideas, shows no imagination. It exists purely to take money from gullible consumers, like a skilled pickpocket or political scam artist running for office. It is only interested in taking your money, and giving little, if anything, in return.

This game is a simplified _Tetris_ with _Pac-Man_ and the ghost monsters tossed into the mix. Nothing more, nothing less. You have the same blocks that fall into the same playfield. You complete the same horizontal rows in order to clear space before more blocks descend. The levels progress in the same manner, as blocks descend more rapidly.

Namco's hook is that these descending _Tetris_ blocks also include _Pac-Man_ and/or ghosts. The idea is to lay out long connected rows of ghosts, then wait for Pac to appear. If he lands next to a ghost, they become blue and Pac eats them on his way to the bottom of the screen. The more ghosts eaten, the more points you earn. And that, really, is all there is to do. There are no variations or progressions, just endless repeating the very basic premise over and over and over and whoops I just fell asleep.

Long ago, in the Home Computer era of the early 1980s, there were a wave of "construction kit" videogames where players could create their own pinball machines, racetracks and outer space shoot-em-ups. _Pac-Attack_ feels like the product of one of those games. It may have been conceived from a puzzle construction kit, working with a basic _Tetris_ template, some simple tile graphics and background art, and the _Pac-Man_ characters plastered everywhere just for kicks. A six-year-old could have developed this title. In fact, I'm pretty sure most children could do better.

Fun Fact: In Japan, the Sega Saturn saw a renaissance of construction kit games across multiple genres, including arcade shooters, Role-Playing Games, and jewel-dropping puzzlers. You could have a good time with any of them, much more than _Pac-Attack_. Videogame publishers really ought to bring that genre back, and find ways to monetize the homebrew creations. It seems so obvious, which, of course, means that it will never happen. This industry is far too infatuated with soulless copycats and clones. Let's not get started on their Hollywood obsessions.

This title arrived on the heels of the wildly inventive and unorthodox _Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures_ , which I find vastly more entertaining and never fails to put a smile on my face. _Pac-Attack_ is the textbook definition of "uninspired." It only inspires me to take a nap. I can hear the hypnotic siren call as I drift off to sleep..." _I liked it a lot. It was much better than 'Cats'..._ "

### Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures

Namco for Super NES

Action

1994

Rating: 8/10

_Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures_ arrived on the Super NES and Sega Genesis in during the closing days of the 16-bit era. It was not a commercial success, perhaps owing to its confusing title (this was the 12th _Pac_ title by my counting), perhaps due to the oversaturation of cartoon mascot videogames. It's unfortunate that Namco couldn't find an audience; this is a great game that hails from a period of great experimentation and creativity. Developers were openly challenging the very definition of videogames, pushing its boundaries in all directions, and _Pac-Man 2_ was one of those happy experiments. It's highly original, immensely playable and very, very funny.

I understand that in Japan, this game was titled _Hello! Pac-Man_ , which is a much better title. I might have known some clueless US marketing weasel was responsible for "Pac-Man 2," which never made sense. Oh, well, small potatoes. This is one of the most clever and original videogames of its era, no matter what it's called.

In late 1994, I reviewed _Pac-Man 2_ for _Newtype Gaming_ Magazine. I was was 21 years old, had just completed six-months of freelance writing for _GamePro_ , and was continuing to publish my fanzine, _V_ , which helped to launch my writing career.

My old review appears in its entirety below, as it originally appeared. Yes, it's true that this essay would benefit from a slight revision, but I feel honor-bound to preserve history as it happened. It reads very well and serves as a time capsule, both for myself and the long-extinct world of professional videogame magazines. I do miss the prozines. They were an essential part of gaming culture, and the internet just doesn't offer quite the same experience.

Anyway, enjoy my now-classic review from 1994:

" _Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures_ is a huge surprise. Ingeniously original and wildly hilarious, Namco's latest SNES effort delves into a genre all its own: an interactive cartoon in the style of Warner Bros. Don't confuse this with action-platform titles; _Pac-Man 2_ is composed of animated characters who freely interact independently. Pac-Man moves around all on his own; your role is relegated to that of attention-getter. Armed with a slingshot and a voice, you can point Pac-Man in the direction you want him to go and knock things around.

"Throughout the game's four 'episodes,' Pac is sent on a variety of errands, but these goals are largely secondary. Your control is secondary. The humor is primary. The designers seem to have approached each screen with the thought, 'How many jokes can we get out of this?' Pac-Man gets flattened, knocked and smashed around simply for the sake of a good laugh. In the park, for example, he discovers a skateboard and rides it until he hits a rock and smacks into a tree.

"And _Pac's_ reactions are never the same. Depending on what mood he's in and the direction from which he's walking, you'll see different hilarious reactions. The balloon stand, the music store and the grumpy neighbor's house are the funniest scenes. You'll laugh 'till you cry!

"This is a game that's perfect to play with a group of friends who have an evening to burn. The casual pace will only pose a problem if you're one of those button-thumpers who pound buttons as fast as possible. You know who you are.

"The true draw of _Pac-Man 2_ comes from discovering all the game's secrets and freely experimenting with the environment. The game's length is just right. If the game was any longer, he humorous action would begin to get redundant and if it was any shorter, the player would feel cheated.

"The only real flaw is that the designers saw fit to saddle this slapstick comedy with a melodramatic villain. Ever the typical video villain, the character of the Ghost Witch is simply out of place. An appearance only in the game's final episode throws a curveball of unnecessary seriousness into a field that doesn't take itself seriously. Even the ghosts aren't true villains. You chuckle at their disguises when they try to trap a Pac-Man who may be too angry or too depressed to even notice.

"Anyone who reads my zine knows that I don't heap praise on many videogames, but _Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures_ is a worthy exception. The concept is new, the humor is intelligent and the appeal is universal. You even get to play _Pac-Man_ and _Ms. Pac-Man_ in an arcade. This is hands-down one of the best electronic games of 1994 and I'll take this over those stupid mascot copycats any day."

### Pilotwings

Nintendo for Super NES

Strategy/Simulation

1991

Rating: 5/10

It was once an established rule that the first wave of software titles for a new videogame system existed mostly for demonstration purposes. These games were closer to playable tech demos, or proof-of-concept, as an example of the new machine's powers, and where the hardware company wishes to take it. These were the "show off" titles, intended for a short shelf life if the system became successful at retail. They were usually surpassed by the second wave of software, after programmers had more time to master the system.

Some examples of this unofficial rule: _China Warrior_ and _Keith Courage in Alpha Zones_ on Turbografx-16; _Altered Beast_ and _Last Battle_ on Sega Genesis; _Baseball_ and _Soccer_ on NES; _Blue Lightning_ and _Electrocop_ on Atari Lynx; _Virtua Fighter_ , _Daytona USA_ and _Bug!_ on Sega Saturn. Some of these games were better than others, and once in a great while, you find a genuine blockbuster hit at the start, like _Super Mario Brothers_ or _Super Mario 64_. This tends to be the exception to the rule, however.

_Pilotwings_ for the Super Nintendo is one of those videogames. It is a glorified tech demo, created to show off the system's amazing scaling and rotation effects, commonly known as "Mode 7." In this game, you fly a variety of aircraft, performing simple tasks or reaching simple goals. For example, skydivers must land on a series of bullseye targets. Airplanes must fly through a series of rings and then successfully land (yes, the annoying fly-through-the-rings schtick that nobody likes). A rocket belt and hang glider is also available to perform the same tasks.

Let me just cut straight to the point: _Pilotwings_ is not a very enjoyable game. Its appeal was clearly limited to those early days when Mode 7 visual effects would dazzle and amaze. Such novelties are stamped with a firm expiration date, which passed by at least two decades ago. I doubt anyone in the 21st Century would even notice this title on their own, without being nudged by a diehard fan. And even the dedicated fans would prefer to play something else, something with a little more substance.

Nearly the entire game consists of these training exercises, with very little variety between them. Back in 1991, it was fun to fly the hang glider, catch thermal vents and sail high into the air, and then successfully land on the ground. It was also fun to crash the skydiver without opening his parachute. Well, fun for an afternoon. Eventually, the monotony and repetition would take their toll. The graphics are somewhat austere; the ground is composed of a single island in a vast ocean, entirely flat and 2D, like blocky wallpaper. It exists solely for Nintendo to say, "Hey, we can scale and rotate bitmap graphics!" Well, whoop-de-doo for you.

_Pilotwings_ is one of those videogames that everybody buys but never actually plays. It screams "quality" but you rarely enjoy it for long. It certainly won't help if you spent any time playing flight simulators on PCs or home computers. I once had a stack of Microprose flight sims on my Atari 800XL. Nintendo's effort always felt somewhat childish and dumbed down by comparison. I never fully understood the point of it all. I still don't.

Does Microsoft still make _Flight Simulator_? That was a really good series in its day. It was also boring as hell. Boring yet good for you, kinda like oat bran or rice cakes. _Pilotwings_ doesn't have the substance or depth to be oat bran. It's more like chewing on an empty cereal bowl, and I'm wondering when somebody will bring the Cap'n Crunch and get the party started.

### Rival Turf

Jaleco for Super NES

Fighting

1992

Rating: 4/10

_Rival Turf_ , the first of three titles in Jaleco's _Rushing Beat_ series, is a scrolling martial arts beat-em-up that shamelessly knocks off Capcom's _Final Fight_ and falls flat on its face. Meh. Shrug. Snooze. Choose your poison, walk the plank, it doesn't matter. This is a lousy videogame. Back in the day, this would be one of those videogames you rented, never bought, and you'd still feel ripped off. I want my three bucks back!

In this game, you play one of two generic street fighters (including one which may or may not be one of the Village People — now there's an idea for a videogame) who march through city streets, buildings, buses, parks and jungle roads to battle an assortment of sickly-looking street punks. You know the drill. Walk up to the heroin junkie, bash the attack button repeatedly, knock them out, rinse, repeat. Walk up the tall guy with the dynamite, rinse, repeat. Walk up to the fat guy, rinse, repeat. Grab the baseball bat on the ground, bust a few heads, smash the trash can, help yourself to some trash chicken. Hmm...trash chicken...

Your assortment of moves is extremely basic, just the standard punches and jump kicks that never seem to connect properly, and throws that never quite grab hold of anyone. The poses are off. The collision detection is off. The animation is extremely basic, two or three frames at most, and poorly posed, as if the in-between animators were fired and never replaced. The speed and pacing is completely wrong; fighters walk too slow or too quickly, knockdowns are too sudden. Everything just looks cheap and low-budget. Jaleco was never the best of software studios (they're best remembered for their sports games), but this is an embarrassment even for them.

_Rival Turf's_ visual design shamelessly steals from _Final Fight_ , even stealing some grunts and yells for good fun. You'll march through the same parts of town, get to know the same bad guys on a first-name basis, employ the same panic moves in a jam, fight the same bosses, rescue the same kidnapped girlfriend. Graphics are grainy and flat, lacking detail and color. The character designs, as mentioned previously, are terrible. And that dreaded Super NES slowdown appears whenever four or more fighters crowd together (and that includes your two characters). Snore. I'm feeling bored having to write about this stupid videogame. Most kids playing this in 1992 would probably go back to their homework assignments. Long division is sooo much more fun.

The 16-bit era was overloaded with mascot platformers, fighting games and sports titles. The sorry truth is that, aside from the A-List names, most everything else was mediocre or worse. I never understood why this was so. It couldn't have been so difficult to create a rival to _Sonic the Hedgehog_ or _Streets of Rage_ or _NHL Hockey_ without failing miserably. Couldn't software developers at least conjure one or two original ideas, instead of ripping off everything note-for-note? And Jaleco couldn't even pull off that trick successfully. What a mess. No thanks.

### SimCity

Nintendo for SNES

Strategy/Simulation

1991

Rating: 10/10

_SimCity_ is my all-time favorite videogame for Super NES. I've probably invested thousands of hours into building virtual cities, and I've never come close to exhausting all its possibilities. Hayao Miyazaki once described his blockbuster movie _The Spiriting Away of Sen and Chihiro_ as "a movie for nine-year-olds, and everyone who ever was a nine-year-old." That perfectly describes _SimCity_ for me. If you are a child of any age who loves to play with building blocks, this is the perfect game for you.

_SimCity_ was created by the great Will Wright and his software studio Maxis, first appearing on the Macintosh and Commodore Amiga in 1989, then later on all home computer formats. It is a game where you build a city, paving roads, building power plants, developing residential, commercial and industrial districts, managing revenue, tackling crime, and keeping the citizens happy. It's a wholly unique idea, a combination of simulation, puzzles and world-building. There are no goals, aside from the ones you set yourself. If you wish to build a massive metropolis, or a simple small town, you are free to do that. You can build massive parks or rows of sports stadiums, long winding highways or train lines. It is all about the simple joy of creation.

In 1991, Nintendo launched their eagerly-anticipated Super Nintendo Entertainment System with _SimCity_ as a key launch title. They handled the adaptation themselves, and in doing so, made many changes and additions that make this the definitive version of the game: changing seasons, numerous presents and gifts, the helpful Dr. Wright, the occasional Bowser rampage. Indeed, after all of these years, I still consider this the greatest _SimCity_ of all. Later sequels would become needlessly complicated and overwhelming for all but the most obsessive die-hards. Too much _sim_ , not enough _city_. Nintendo found the perfect balance.

In Nintendo's hands, _SimCity_ is extremely easy to play. You build some residential blocks for people to live, commercial and industrial blocks to provide jobs, roads and rail lines to provide transportation, and a power plant and power lines to supply electricity and make everything run. In time, your town will grow in size, giving you new opportunities such as bank loans (to finance your building projects), an airport, a seaport, and one or two sports stadiums. You will also have to deal with urban problems of crime, pollution, and traffic jams. The economy rises and falls, requiring you to adapt your development accordingly. Last but not least, you will face the occasional natural disaster like earthquakes, fires, airplane crashes, or a nuclear plant meltdown.

I have a confession to make: For many years, I never actually played this game by the official rules. Instead, I would always activate the game's secret "million dollar" code that puts unlimited funds into my city's account. This enables you to build your dream city on a massive scale, solve nearly all your transportation and crime problems, and reach Metropolis status (100,000 citizens) in just a few years of game time. You are also strongly tempted to go crazy and build massive parks, a long row of nuclear power plants, two or three airports, and half a dozen stadiums.

In recent years, I have learned to play _SimCity_ by its "official" rules and abide by a yearly budget. Games are much more challenging this way, as my responsibilities become pulled in multiple directions, and I must choose between building more residential or commercial zones, and building another police or fire department building. This has the added benefit of learning to build a city organically, paying close attention to the needs of the citizens, and the overall state of the economy. You must be careful to keep the voters happy, or else you'll lose your cushy job. This has actually happened to me once or twice.

Nintendo's great addition to _SimCity_ are the presents, which I've mentioned earlier. At various times, you are awarded special properties by Dr. Wright. These items include zoos, parks, casinos, expos, a bank, a central train station, and a Mayor's house. These presents will greatly improve the property values of the surrounding plots, and each gift works best near specific zones. For example, the zoos, and your house fit best with residential zones, the bank works best in commercial zones, and the expo works best near industrial zones. If your city reaches the final population level of 500,000 — the fabled Megalopolis — you are awarded a giant Super Mario statue as a reward. Marvelous! More videogames should do this. _Minecraft_ should do this.

Owners of the original Super NES _SimCity_ cartridge received an 82-page manual with detailed explanations of gameplay ideas, urban planning theories, and strategy tips. Players were taught the value of building trains instead of roads, or knowing which presents to next in the correct zones, or the value of building 3x3 "doughnut" superblocks. Nintendo did a magnificent job on their strategy guide, and I do wish they would include it on their Virtual Console release. A videogame is more than just a cartridge or a disk. The packaging, the cover design, the manual, the poster, the games catalog or comic book, each of these are essential elements to bringing the experience alive for the player. This is one area where modern digital services are sorely lacking. This needs to change.

I never had much interest for later installments of the _SimCity_ series. The games become far too complicated and detailed; these are PC simulations, after all, where obsessive attention to the smallest detail has always been the norm. I much prefer Nintendo's take, which is deep and challenging but never overwhelming. You are encouraged to play for play's sake. It's always a wonderful, relaxing way to spend an afternoon — "the best train set a child could ask for."

### Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior

Capcom for Super NES

Fighting

1992

Rating: 9/10

When it hit the arcades in 1991, Capcom's _Street Fighter 2_ not only became a blockbuster smash, it became THE blockbuster smash, the biggest arcade videogames had seen since _Pac-Man_. The moderately populated Aladdin's Castle at your nearby mall became packed with players, eager to take on the computer fighters and one another. Tournaments quickly became a regular feature, and a worldwide competitive scene would slowly emerge over the course of the decade. _World Warrior_ , indeed.

_Street Fighter 2_ was the hottest thing going, and when Nintendo secured exclusive rights to the home version, the Super NES became the next hottest thing. It's no exaggeration to say that this title was the thing that saved Nintendo's bacon. In 1991, Sega kicked their can from one end to the other, armed with a spectacular library of Genesis cartridge titles, while the Super Nintendo library suffered from glitchy gameplay and annoying slowdown. Capcom turned that completely around in a single massive blow. If not for _SF2_...shudder the thought.

For fourteen long months, Nintendo had _SF2_ all to themselves, and eager fans bought millions of copies and millions of Super Nintendo systems. Capcom delivered a stunning translation, widely perceived at the time as "arcade perfect." Of course, it really wasn't perfect, and gamers from the future will scratch their heads and appear bemused. Whatever. It was close enough for those of us at the time. And it was clearly a high-water standard for the Super NES.

One of my favorite things about _Street Fighter 2_ : the iconic roster of 12 characters are varied enough to keep any players engaged. Capcom eventually fell into a Ken/Ryu rut with too many Shotokan brawlers, but at the beginning the variety is off the charts. I'm surprised there weren't more Guile clones; he was more popular than Ryu for the longest time, at least in my neighborhood arcade. As for me, Chun-Li and E-Honda were my go-to characters. I didn't quite embrace Ken until _SF2 Champion Edition_.

What _SF2_ mastered was an innate sense of balance, a cause-and-effect that ensures no method of attack would dominate. For every attack, there is a successful defense. And isn't it amazing how attack combos, the game's greatest legacy, exist purely as the result of a coding error? It's really just a bug, but proved so popular that all fighting games copied it, pushed it further. This usually upsets the balance between offense and defense, but most players never seem to mind. If it upsets you, don't blame Capcom.

_Street Fighter 2_ wasn't the first tournament fighting videogame — _Karate Champ_ and _Yie-Ar Kung Fu_ were coin-op hits in the 1980s — but it did spark a revolution, as every major software studio scrambled to create their own one-on-one brawler. Most were derivative and quickly forgotten, some were very good. A few became classics in their own right. And they all owe everything to Capcom.

So here's the big question: Does _Street Fighter 2_ for the Super NES still hold up? Is it still worth playing today? I believe it still is, even though time (and countless sequels) has moved on. The gameplay is still superb, controls are swift and responsive, graphics and audio excellent and impressively close to the coin-op. And it's an important piece of videogame history. For Super Nintendo fans, it's a must-have.

Personally, I have a large stack of fighting games for Sega Saturn and Dreamcast, including a number of _Street Fighter_ discs. I probably wouldn't play the 1992 SNES _Street Fighter_ very often, once in awhile, mostly for nostalgia. But I would sit down and play _Street Fighter 2 Turbo_ and _SF2: Special Champion Edition_ , released on SNES and Genesis. If I had to choose among Virtual Console games, that's where I'd go, and have a great time.

### Street Fighter 2 Turbo

Capcom for Super NES

Fighting

1993

Rating: 10/10

I recently read that _Street Fighter 2_ on the Super NES was Capcom's best-selling videogame of all time, over six million copies. That would include, at the time, just about every Super NES owner in 1992, plus a metric ton of new fans, eager just to play the arcade sensation at home. _Street Fighter 2 Turbo_ was released a year later and brought home the latest coin-op versions, _Champion Edition_ and _Turbo Champion Edition_. Likewise, this was a great success, continuing the momentum of the original craze.

The first three variations on _SF2_ are now all considered one videogame, since the later sequels and spin-offs made so many changes as to be unrecognizable. As for me, I hold _Champion Edition_ as my personal favorite of the series. It's as balanced and nuanced as the game gets, and after that, things just get out of control. Capcom falls victim to its chronic sequel-itis, and the need to always tinker with formulas to keep the kids coming back.

Whatever. Here is the best home version you're likely to ever see on the Virtual Console service. _Street Fighter Alpha 2_ , _Alpha 3_ and _Street Fighter 3: Third Strike_ (the definitive versions on Sega Saturn and Dreamcast, respectively) won't be arriving anytime in the near future. Totally unfair, but, again, whatever. This version is so perfectly playable that I can't imagine anyone really minding. If you could never buy another home version of any _Street Fighter_ game, you'll be happy with this one.

If you bought the first _SF2_ when it was released, you're likely wondering if you should pay again for the new cart. The answer is yes. There are quite a lot of graphics changes, especially in the character designs, which are older, sleeker, and slightly more brutish-looking. Background stages are the same, apart from some minor variations such as day-to-night. Ryu wisely put away those signs on his roof that were always getting smashed during fights.

Most importantly, there are a number of changes to your moves and attacks. Chun-Li gets a few crucial kicks, Honda and Zangief can move during their blitz attacks, and Ken has been turned from a Ryu clone to a crazed berserker. Can you say, "Triple Dragon Punch?" Oh, and for those who don't know by now, you can now play as the four boss characters, which was a really big deal at the time. They play like bosses, too, instead of the regular fighter roster, which means lots of cheap antics from Sagat and Vega, and some nasty rush combos from Balrog that can frustrate opponents. M. Bison is a lot less intimidating in human hands, if only because he has to play by the same rules as everyone else. The computer player cheats like crazy. Watch yer backs.

I come back to a lot of older videogames with an eye towards nostalgia or a quick fix. Some aging is expected, and I don't always expect greatness and I don't often get it. Many things in life don't age well beyond their time. _Street Fighter 2_ is one of the true greats, one that you can jump right back into no matter how much time as passed. And _Champion Edition/Turbo_ perfected the formula that spawned a thousand imitators, none of which could really match that original adrenaline rush. The best fighting games of later years evolved in new, different directions. Heck, _Virtua Fighter_ is practically a martial arts sport now, instead of a humble videogame. And yet the simple appeal of classic _Street Fighter_ is always there.

I loaded Street _Fighter 2 Turbo_ for a couple quick rounds, just so I could grab some screenshots for this review. I ended up playing for several hours, running through every fighter, using all their special moves, kicking butt, chewing bubblegum, having a blast. The controls are perfect, the gameplay balance is perfect, the speed and strategic precision is perfect. The characters are always engaging, always iconic, always challenging. In the end, I had to pry my hands away with a crowbar. Just one more play, one more rematch, that's all I ask...famous last words.

### Super Mario World

Nintendo for Super NES

Action

1991

Rating: 10/10

Nintendo fans will argue among themselves as to which _Super Mario_ game was the absolute best, but everyone agrees that the golden period ranged from 1990 to 1996, from _Super Mario Bros. 3_ on NES to _Super Mario World_ and _Yoshi's Island_ on the Super NES, to _Super Mario 64_ on the Nintendo 64. That's the absolute peak of Shigeru Miyamoto's playful genius.

For my money, _Super Mario World_ is the best one. This was where Mario was his most expressive, his most colorful, his most inventive. It can be easy to forget, as this industry lumbers endlessly from one exhausted franchise sequel to the next, that there could be a videogame where practically everything in it is new, or at least novel. Eventually, the games cater more and more to the demands of the diehard fans, like middle-aged rock stars who surrender their creativity and just play their old hits.

I think that's the feeling I'm finally stuck with by the time I finished _New Super Mario Brothers_ on Nintendo DS. That game was great fun, but little more than a sugar-coated nostalgia circuit, a videogame greatest hits album. The early thrills gave way to a weary sense of disappointment, a feeling of going through the motions for the sake of going through the motions. This is why I'm not a fan of high school reunions.

I don't think _New Super Mario Bros. DS_ has one tenth the inventiveness and brilliance of _Super Mario World_. Just run through all the cool moments that have become standard Nintendo lore: Yoshi the dinosaur. The Yoshi eggs. The Ghost Manor. The Big Boo. Switch palaces. The hidden keyholes. The star world. The extra-secret star world. The shortcut to Bowser's castle that almost skips through the entire game. The Superman cape. Flamethrowing dinosaurs. Flying dolphins. Rotating cages. Sunken ships.

There's the world map that can be skipped about from one place to the next, provided you can find the secret exists to star world. For that manner, there are all those secondary exits from the stages. You don't need to find them; it's just all part of the fun of wandering around and having fun for fun's sake. That's the real joy of Miyamoto; his childhood thrill of exploring and discovering. It's a great tribute that all the best exits require your most agile skills to discover.

There's another moment in _Super Mario World_ that became one of the most-copied standards of modern videogame. It's in the very first level with the Superman cape. You hop down a pipe and go to a secret place, a wide area with nothing but coins in the air. The purpose is to teach you the new skill of flying with the cape. There must be several hundred coins up there, and it takes you some time if you want to grab them all. Eventually, you learn the subtlety of flying, which is an essential skill for finding all those secondary exits and keyholes.

Every videogame after this one gives you the chance to learn a new skill and practice it out before it's fully called into service. Every game. It's probably the greatest contribution to game design since, well, the original _Super Mario Bros_.

Also, I should also point out my all-time favorite _Mario_ secret. It's the prize you win once you've completed the second star road, eight stages of hardcore gaming hell. Damn, those are hard levels to get through, but get through them you can, and when you step back into the real world...well, if you've never played through this game, it'd be horrible of me to spoil it for you. I really think this is the point where the psychedelics really kick in — Shigeru Miyamoto's _Magical Mystery Tour_.

I love the ending to the game. The final battle against Bowser is far better than the anti-climactic finish to _Super Mario 3_ , and we are treated to one of the all-time best endings. And what's with all the ragtime music? Who thought of that? Genius.

I think Shigeru Miyamoto and his team understood that they reached a creative peak with this game that could never be surpassed. That's why he started his period of grand experimentation, of veering into stranger and stranger directions. _Yoshi's Island_ is an entirely different beast, the electric kool-aid acid test of the Mario universe — Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy. And _Super Mario 64_ inhabits its own universe. It's in a whole different realm of reality. There wouldn't be a proper, 2D Mario game for another fifteen years. I never could have imagined, as I was discovering the final, masterfully psychedelic secrets, that _Super Mario World_ would be the last great trip for so very long.

As far as I'm concerned, _Super Mario World_ is one of the ten best videogames ever made.

### Super Metroid

Nintendo for Super NES

Adventure

1994

Rating: 10/10

Name the best videogame ever made for the Super NES. For some, it's _Super Mario World_ or _The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past_. Others, _Super Mario Kart_ or _Sim City_. A number will point to _Street Fighter 2 Turbo_ , _Final Fantasy 3_ or _Chrono Trigger_. And a lot of you will insist that it's really _Super Metroid_.

The _Metroid_ fans are probably correct. This might very well be the Super Nintendo's finest hour.

I think some part of the mystique about _Super Metroid_ is the fact that the game remained alone, without any sequels or follow-ups, for so many years. While _Mario_ and Zelda and the rest continued with newer games on the Super NES and Nintendo 64, _Metroid_ held back, alone in its own little world. It really wasn't until 2002, eight years later, that a new installment finally arrived, and even then, gamers were surprised to discover a 3D shooter that was closer to _Quake_ or _Powerslave_ then their beloved _Metroid_.

In the meantime, Konami completely reinvents its old _Castlevania_ franchise by aping the gameplay structure of _Super Metroid_. Nintendo's forgotten classic was becoming a legend, influencing others. Goodness knows Konami sure loved that game, enough to shamelessly steal from it for every 2D _Castlevania_ game ever since.

Oh, yeah, sure, Nintendo eventually figured things out, and returned to their roots with a pair of _Metroid_ titles on the Game Boy Advance. But let's be honest here: those games weren't as good. The first one, _Metroid Fusion_ , made a mess of everything with a virus infestation that turns Samus Aran into a mutant. The second, _Metroid: Zero Mission_ was better, but, again, it just felt like a dumbed-down kiddie version of the 1994 masterpiece. Remember those Atari 2600 games that had the child-friendly mode with the teddy bear icon? Yeah, that's exactly what _Zero Mission_ was all about, a _Metroid_ that coddles you and holds you by the hand, when not stumbling into Hayao Miyazaki's Ohmus.

Words that come to mind when I think of _Super Metroid_ : dark, moody, mysterious. This is just about the heaviest game Nintendo ever made — "heavy" in that late 1960s, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple sense. The whole enterprise just breathes in a thick, misty atmosphere, this strange alien landscape, this mishmash of different cultures. This world that Samus Aran finds herself in, this is a world with a history. You can almost trace that history as you progress through the game, spotting the places where some poor fool vainly tried to civilize the place. You can see the corpses for yourself to see how that turned out.

Modern videogames, if they really can be called "games" anymore, shove narrative down your throat at the expense of everything else. They believe that story can only be conveyed by scripted movie scenes. But a good videogame, all of the best ones, can employ narrative without these passive cliches. Story, setting, mood, character — all can be shown by the actions and environment of the game itself. That's one of the things that makes _Super Metroid_ a masterpiece. It's a narrative-driven videogame at heart, but one that lets your imagination roam.

The only other exploration game that captures that same sense of mood and mystery, to my mind, is _Todd's Adventures in Slime World_ on the Atari Lynx. And that game was created back in 1990, four years prior. How's that? In many ways, _Slime World_ serves as a foundation for the expansive game world _Super Metroid_ builds upon. It seems impossible to keep the two separate in my mind; the original _Metroid_ serves as the original starting point, but this sequel stretches and expands and builds so far beyond those first boundaries that they become almost unrecognizable.

So that's what I take out of the experience. The dark, underground world, full of life and teeming with secrets. This world is lonely and shadowy and mysterious. And the whole enterprise is tough, very challenging. I found myself stuck more than once. In this game, Nintendo drops you into a cave in the middle of nowhere, and just leaves you to rot. No goofy sidekicks pointing the way out of the maze. No cheap icons to hold you by the hand and make things easy. In this life, things are much harder than in the afterlife. In this world, you're on your own.

Forget about that first _Metroid_. It's a good game, great for its time, but somewhat dated and repetitious and tougher to hold your affections. This is the real version, the one that carries all the mystique. This is the moment which all future _Metroids_ struggle to recapture. They are doomed to struggle in vain. You'll probably never see a better action/adventure no matter how many years you'll live.

### Super R-Type

Irem for Super NES

Shooter

1991

Rating: 3/10

Do you know that feeling of frustration that sweeps over you when your web browser crashes into a crawl, or your internet connection stumbles like a drunken fool, causing that all-important cat video you're watching to stutter in fits and starts? What the heck is this? It's like the whole world has been dragged out of a deep slumber and is struggling to reassemble itself in the world of the living. That's the sort of experience _Super R-Type_ on the Super Nintendo offers.

_Super R-Type_ is something of a shambling, half-awake reimaging of _R-Type 2_ , Irem's arcade sequel to their seminal shoot-em-up masterpiece. Only four of the game's seven stages are taken from the coin-op, jumbled out of order and often missing elements, such as the water in the underground cave (stage two in the arcade, stage three here). Several of the best arcade moments are completely missing from this version, such as a factory whose walls morph and shift. The remaining three levels are originals, but supremely generic and uninspired, and seem to throw the rhythm and pacing off its axis. I'm reminded of Joe Santulli's immortal review of Atari 2600 _Pac-Man_ : "This videogame is squarer than the squarest thing you ever saw."

The worst offense in this title...what else? Slowdown. Crippling. Annoying. Slowdown. Is my Super NES drunk? Did somebody pour chocolate syrup into the cartridge slot? Everything drags to a half-crawl, and it becomes a rare event when the game actually runs at normal speed. Of course, those are the moments when nothing happens. This problem was a curse that haunted Nintendo throughout the 16-bit era, one that Sega gleefully exploited with its library of lightning fast arcade and sports videogames. Want to know why _Sonic the Hedgehog_ stole the show in 1991? Play _Super R-Type_ for five minutes and you'll understand perfectly.

Let's see, what else could Irem do to muck things up? Aha, I know! Let's jack up the difficulty through the roof by removing _R-Type's_ mid-stage save points. That means that if your ship is destroyed during a boss battle, you will be hurled back to the beginning of the stage. It's bad enough to lose your power-up weapons and return to your basic pea-shooter (which is very nearly useless). Now I have to suffer through the entire level all over again. It takes me three days to get through this stupid stage! You want me to go back?

This videogame exists solely as an excuse for me to throw money into Prince's legendary Swear Jar. Be honest. _Super R-Type_ is like those running gags in the _Road Runner_ cartoons: a collision with a Mack truck, followed by a TNT explosion in your lap, finished with a long fall over a cliff. And then once you've pulled yourself out of the rubble, you're crushed by a giant boulder.

_Meep, meep_ , ya jerks. I tried to give _Super R-Type_ a fair shake in 1991, and I tried again in 2016. No dice. I'm out. There are a thousand outer space shoot-em-ups where you fly a lone ship against an overwhelming alien armada. Most of them are better than this one. Move along.

### Vegas Stakes

HAL Laboratory for Super NES

Strategy/Simulation

1993

Rating: 7/10

Gambling games have always played a part in videogame history, ever since the earliest programmable cartridges emerged in the 1970s. The Atari 2600 VCS had _Blackjack_ , _Casino_ and _Slot Machine_. Mattel Intellivision had _Las Vegas Poker & Blackjack_ and _Las Vegas Roulette_. Fairchild Channel F had _Video Blackjack_ and _Slot Machine_. Colecovision had _Ken Uston Blackjack/Poker_. After the Videogame Crash of 1983/1984, gambling titles migrated to home computers and the IBM PC, where they remained popular with adults, and away from dedicated cartridge systems, which were targeted more towards kids.

When HAL Labs created _Vegas Stakes_ for the Super NES in 1993, its unique blend of casino gaming and adventure offered much-needed variety to a console scene dominated by "Poochie" platformers and martial-arts slugfests. This title was also released in condensed form on Nintendo's Game Boy, and is a sequel to the popular _Vegas Dreams_ , which was released in 1990 on the NES.

What does _Vegas Stakes_ offer above and beyond its many peers? Story and atmosphere. You travel with four friends for a Las Vegas vacation, with only $1,000 in hand, dreaming of adventure and fabulous riches. You visit five marquee casinos, check into your hotel rooms, and proceed to work the floors and play any number of games, including Blackjack, Poker, Craps, Roulette and Slots. If you lose everything, it's game over. If you win ten million dollars, your party will return home victorious.

The gaming portions are very detailed and elaborate. They appear quite authentic to the source, and each casino will offer their own unique stylish flair. It's worth the effort to visit all of them. You can take one of your friends with you (I presume the others are roaming around as well; I'd hate to think they're all stuck in their rooms alone), who might offer useful advice on the various tables. Or maybe not. You must choose wisely and plan your gambling strategies accordingly, as there is much to study and learn from each table

One inspiring feature that I really enjoyed: on occasion, you will be visited by strangers who will ask for help or assistance, or offer to sell you something. Some of these people are sincere, but others are looking to pick your pocket or take you for a ride. Actions you take might have consequences down the road. This is what I like about HAL. They find novel ways to approach old videogame genres, adding sparkle and spice and everything nice. I'm surprised that no one has ever thought to marry _Vegas Stakes_ to _Grand Theft Auto_. _Martin Scorsese's Casino: The Videogame!_ Somebody out there: make this happen! Bring back Joe Pesci!

There are many small details that capture the spirit of Las Vegas: the hair, the loud carpets, the tacky architecture, the glittering lights. I really like the opening cut-scene, just you and your friends in a car, traveling down the lonely road; it's all packed with anticipation. The graphics are suitably colorful and detailed, showing off the Super Nintendo's vast color palette and "Mode 7" visual effects. It looks especially nice on a picture-tube television, with rich, smooth colors that just pop out of the screen. Really, if you enjoy classic videogames, a CRT is a must; modern digital displays sharpen and over-pixelate the image beyond what the original creators intended.

I am not a big fan of gambling videogames, and find most entries in the genre lacking. But HAL wisely understood that creating a compelling world around casino gambling is more interesting than the gambling itself. I'm feeling rather generous, so I'm going to give _Vegas Stakes_ my thumbs-up endorsement. Yes, it's true that there are a thousand Vegas-themed gambling videogames available on today's computers and iThings. But this was also true a generation ago, and it didn't seem to matter very much. Kids in 1993 had a lot of fun crouched together around the television set with a steady supply of pizza and soda at hand, joining together to conquer Las Vegas. Today's kids should expect no less.

### Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Lucasarts and Konami for Super NES

Action

1993

Rating: 7/10

_Zombies Ate My Neighbors_ is something of a zany, free-wheeling respite from a 16-bit console landscape littered with cartoon mascots and fighting games. It's not trying to reinvent the wheel, not trying to pass itself off as a movie, not trying to shock parents with blood and gore. It is, simply, a fun and challenging videogame with a good sense of humor, one that will keep players happy on the couch.

The premise of the game is simple: you play as one of two teenagers who run through suburban neighborhoods, rescuing the local citizens from marauding waves of monsters, all of whom are ripped out of classic Hollywood movies. Zombies are the most common (duh), and you'll also encounter chainsaw-and-hockey-mask goons, axe-wielding dolls, vampires, werewolves, space aliens, large ants, blobs and UFOs. Your arch-enemy is a mad scientist who has unleashed his creations from his haunted castle — who else could it be? All that's needed is a Frankenstein lab with giant Tesla coils.

Your goal is to navigate across 55 stages and rescue the neighbors who are scattered about, cheerfully minding their own business and completely unaware that monsters are breaking down their doors and sawing through their hedges. This is a goofy lot; the character designs have that cartoonish quality which was in fashion during the 16-bit era. And am I the only one who's reminded of _Toejam & Earl?_ Notice how an exit door appears once you've rescued your last cheerleader or barbeque cook. Lucasarts was taking notes from Sega's quirky classic.

Your heroes have an equally quirky assortment of weapons to defeat the monsters. In addition to your basic water pistol, you can find silverware, dishes, popsicle sticks, tomatoes, soda cans, weed whackers, fire extinguishers, bazookas, crucifixes and alien bubble guns. The Super NES version of _Zombies_ also includes a flamethrower, which does not appear in the Sega Genesis cartridge.

The level designs are purely Western in nature: large, sprawling mazes and non-linear environments. Think of videogames such as _Gauntlet_ , _Soldier of Fortune_ or _Technoclash_. Japanese videogames of this period, meanwhile, are more straightforward Point A-to-Point B affairs, owing to their dominance of the video arcade scene. _Zombies Ate My Neighbors_ doesn't have a start or end point in its levels; you must work your way through the varied suburban jungles, across yards, through houses and shopping malls, in search of lost citizens and lurching zombies.

This is a very long videogame. Its 55 levels are impressively large and detailed, and passwords become available at regular intervals. I strongly recommend using those passwords, and keep your playing sessions to short bursts. The action becomes repetitive in long sessions, and I have found myself frustrated as my neighbors keep getting killed, leaving me only one or two people left to rescue every level. _Zombies_ benefits greatly in smaller portions.

I think _Zombies_ also benefits greatly by its two-player action. Some videogames are meant for multiplayer, and truly come alive with friends in a way they never do when playing alone. The characters, Zeke and Julie, are 1990s hip without become annoying and Poochie-like. You know the type: lame caricatures of _Bill & Ted_ or _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ or Los Angeles teenagers channeling Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer. Ouch. The '90s were endlessly burdened with such embarrassing cheesiness.

Lucasarts wisely walks the balance between spoof and parody, of not taking themselves too seriously. _Zombies Ate My Neighbors_ was modestly successful enough to spawn a sequel, _Ghoul School_ , where all those important lessons are foolishly discarded. That title takes itself far too seriously, and it's a depressing sludge. The original is much to be preferred.

## Part III:

Nintendo 64  
(N64)

### Cruis'n USA

Midway for Nintendo 64

Racing

1996

Rating: 2/10

_Cruis'n USA_ is a terrible, awful, wretched, painful, dismaying wreck. I am tempted to pull out a thesaurus to find more words to describe this game. It would be wiser for you to set a small pile of money on fire than to spend it on this cartridge, and you would almost certainly have more fun. You could roast marshmallows over the fire, or tell scary ghost stories, or look up to marvel at the nighttime stars. Any of these activities would be infinitely better than playing this videogame.

As an arcade racing game, _Cruis'n USA_ was hyped to be running the same hardware as Nintendo's top-secret "Ultra 64" system, a machine that would leapfrog over the 32-bit Sony Playstation and Sega Saturn to usher in the "next generation" of 64-bit technology. So goes the hype. The reality was nowhere even close. Midway ran its arcade title (and their sister title, the Rare-developed _Killer Instinct_ ) on their own proprietary hardware, with no influence or inspiration from Nintendo. The Midway V-Unit arcade hardware board was not 64-bit, but it was more sophisticated than any of the fifth-generation videogame consoles. This includes the Nintendo 64, which finally launched in 1996, yet was only slightly more powerful than its competitors in some ways and considerably weaker in others. It bore almost no resemblance to Midway's arcade hardware.

This became an enormous embarrassment for Nintendo, who wanted to return to the arcades since their withdrawal in the mid-1980s, and sought to use _Cruis'n USA_ and _Killer Instinct_ to sell Nintendo 64 systems, the way _Ridge Racer_ and _Virtua Fighter_ sold Sony and Sega systems. When they were forced to admit that no "Ultra 64" existed beneath the _Cruis'n_ hood, the hype turned sour. Many Nintendo promises over their console turned out to be false, and it poisoned not only the public mood, but the normally compliant videogame press as well. Long in Nintendo's pocket, the prozines became more openly critical, pushing their readers into Sony's camp.

_Cruis'n USA_ was a pretty good arcade racing game. You choose from a selection of sports cars and race cross-country against other sports cars, over hills and through tunnels, over long straight roads and winding curves. In other words, standard operating procedure, and if you're a fan of Sega's seminal classic _Outrun_ , you'll feel a strong sense of deja vu. This game is really the trailer park answer to _Outrun_ , complete with trashy bikini girls, dudebros who pump their fists in the street, and loud, obnoxious, cheesy guitar rock. The steering is extremely loose, but it's not something the steering wheel can't handle, and there are some genuinely good moments on some of the later courses. I had a lot of fun racing the Chicago track, with its wild sharp turns through heavy traffic.

Such thrills, unfortunately, are rare. Most racetracks are pedestrian, recycling the same segments over and over. The ingenious designs of _Wipeout_ , _Daytona USA_ and _Sega Rally Championship_ are infinitely more enjoyable. Midway aims for a 1990s "extreme" vibe by having lots of crashes, but it's executed clumsily; overturned cars and trucks litter the road like plastic toys. They only succeed in blocking your way. Likewise, your own vehicle's flips and turns are annoying, frustrating, and poorly animated.

That's the arcade version. For the Nintendo 64 cartridge, take all my criticisms, add a whole host of new problems, and compound them tenfold. The graphics are simply hideous. Colors are washed out, textures are grainy, slightly pixelated, and the frame rate lags, coughs, chugs. This is especially obvious on courses when you race through city streets. THIS is the mighty "Project 64?" Are you kidding me? Playstation and Saturn's best racers easily beat this videogame. I believe there are racers on the 16-bit systems that look and play better than this wreck.

Controls that were overly sensitive in the arcades are unbearable at home. On a system specifically designed with analog control, you can't steer your car. You only spin wildly to one side or the other. The programmers can't make the damn thing work. It's absolutely unforgivable. Once again, I find myself reaching for that thesaurus.

Eugene Jarvis was the director of _Cruis'n USA_ ; he's one of the all-time great videogame creators, and the mastermind behind _Defender_ and _Robotron: 2084_ and _Narc_ and _Smash TV_. He's also the author of the legendary quote, "The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games." To me, he's a living saint, so he gets a Mulligan for _Cruis'n USA_. But Midway and Nintendo were made to bear that cross.

Of the first wave of N64 software titles, _Cruis'n USA_ is the worst. I don't care how much we loved _Super Mario 64_ ; this title made every Nintendo fan's heart sink in their chest. We all knew the jig was up, the new system was doomed, and Nintendo would continue the decline begun with the Super NES. The Anthrax cassette in my Walkman couldn't be more prophetic: _This is not an exit. There's no way out._

### F-Zero X

Nintendo for Nintendo 64

Racing

1998

Rating: 10/10

If I purchased a Nintendo 64 today, the first cartridge I would reach for would be _Super Mario 64_. The second would be _Goldeneye_. The third would be _F-Zero X_. This has always been one of my favorite titles for this much-beleaguered system. It was an exciting thrill ride in 1998 and remains so today. Every player looking to build their Virtual Console or classic videogame library deserves to add this game to their libraries.

_F-Zero_ first appeared as a launch title for the Super NES in 1991, and quickly became a blockbuster hit, thanks to its stunning "Mode 7" scaling and rotation effects, blistering speed, challenging track designs, and funky jazz beats. At the time, it towered above virtually all home racing games; maybe Sega's _Super Monaco GP_ on the Genesis comes close, maybe _RC Pro-Am_ , but that's it. In the early 1990s, _F-Zero_ was untouchable.

The only weakness to _F-Zero_ was the lack of multiplayer. Split-screen action was sorely needed and badly missed; Super Nintendo fans would have to wait for _Super Mario Kart_ to provide the party thrills. For the Nintendo 64 sequel, Nintendo made multiplayer the main focus, and practically built _F-Zero X_ exclusively around the excitement of four-player racing. The game design, level structure, and graphic design all served the demands of split-screen multiplayer. The result is a spectacular arcade racer that is blindingly fast, packed with roller coaster thrills, and never once missed a beat or slows down. For the 32/64-bit generation, this was a miraculous achievement.

_F-Zero X_ is a futuristic sci-fi racing game where you race in a hovercraft against 30 vehicles against a series of racing circuits. The original cast of comic book characters is now swarmed by a whole community of heroes and villains, each more interesting than the last, each vehicle a unique mix of strengths and weaknesses. You race for points across four circuits, 24 racetracks in all, opening up more hovercraft with each gold medal finish.

Like the original _F-Zero_ , courses are covered with obstacles, twist and turns, with regenerative energy fields that repair your craft (a futuristic pit stop) and speed pads that give you a short boost. In addition to your arsenal of nitro jets, you can also attack your rivals, either by bumping from the side, or employing a vicious spin move. Some races even double as demolition derbies, where the last standing racer wins. It's a nice touch that adds an extra bit of competitive action to the fray. I also happen to enjoy racing games that let you knock the other cars around. I still have fond memories of _Daytona USA_ on Sega Saturn and its wonderfully chaotic twenty-car pileups. _F-Zero X_ delivers the same kind of cheap thrills.

My favorite feature in this game is the special "X Cup," which opens after you win the four main circuits, and contains an infinite randomly generated racetracks. In the days when every racing videogame screwed us over with a tiny handful of courses — four in _Sega Rally Championship_ , three in _Daytona_ , two in _Manx TT_ , one (!!) in _Ridge Racer_ — here was another Nintendo miracle. Why hasn't this become a standard-issue feature for the genre by now?

What I really love about _F-Zero X_ are the track designs. Where the original title was confined to a flat 2D plane, the sequel twists, turns, curves, distorts and warps in full 3D. Atari Games' arcade classic _S.T.U.N Runner_ is the obvious source of inspiration, especially with the winding tunnels and treacherous ramps and boost pads. Nintendo adds to the excitement by adding loop-de-loops and large cylinder tubes that spin you upside down — and in danger of falling off the track to your doom. There were many times when I honestly didn't know which way was up, or where I was going. Add in a hungry pack of 30 spaceships all trying to smash one another bits, and you have one of the definitive videogame roller coaster rides.

This brings us back to the four-player split-screen mode, and Nintendo's design decision to make that work above everything else. The graphics are blazingly fast at 60 frames-per-second, without a hint of slowdown, stuttering, or the dreaded "pop-up." How is this feat achieved on Nintendo 64? By employing a stripped-down, minimalist visual style. The graphics in _F-Zero X_ are bright, bold and extremely colorful — it looks like a Sega arcade game — but austere, almost retro. Background graphics are virtually nonexistent, as though the races take place in the upper stratosphere. The crowded micro-cityscapes of the original Super Nintendo _F-Zero_ have disappeared. But so what? Videogame critics who complained at the time missed the point. Arcade videogames have always been about the essence, the core of the experience. The home computers — of which Sony and Microsoft are the inheritors — aspired to simulation, the complete experience. Arcade games ain't got time for such fluff.

The only problem with a game like _F-Zero X_ is that it shames modern console libraries with their mediocrity. Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo, doesn't matter. Where happened to the exciting and daring racing games, folks? All of today's amazing technology in the hands of programmers and developers, and what do they have to show for it? A tiny handful of franchise racing titles that haven't changed one iota in a decade, if not longer. I can't think of anything in the pike that could take the racing crown from _F-Zero X_. Can't think of any games on any console, frankly.

### Mario Kart 64

Nintendo for Nintendo 64

1996

Rating: 9/10

_Super Mario Kart_ was one of the very best videogames for the Super NES. Its intensely competitive races, tightly packed racetracks, and blazing speed combined to create something memorable and unique. We've never seen a racing game quite like it, before or since. I never imagined that it would inspire so many copycat imitators, or that Nintendo would create eight sequels over a span of twenty years. Yowza.

_Mario Kart 64_ is certainly an ambitious title. It bears almost no similarity to the original 16-bit racer, aside from the basic premise of all-star characters racing on go-karts. This was an unusually gutsy move for the notoriously conservative Nintendo, and it did result in a mild backlash among the videogame press. _Next Generation_ magazine famously published a three-star (out of five) review, expressing dismay at how the original formula was changed, and bemoaning their disappointment, and many fans at the time agreed.

To be fair, _Next Gen_ often had a tin ear when it came to some games, and by the end of 1996, the knives were out for the Nintendo 64, already being dismissed as a failure against Sony's Playstation, which had completely dominated the American videogame scene (Sega Saturn was unfairly kicked to the curb before it even launched). And _Mario Kart 64_ is dramatically different from _Super Mario Kart_ in terms of graphics, controls and play mechanics. One cannot jump in expecting more of the same; this sequel requires patience and skill to overcome its learning curve.

_Super Mario Kart_ offers bite-sized racing action, with tiny, overcrowded courses that blaze by in mere seconds. _Mario Kart 64_ expands the track designs, making them far more spacious and diverse. Instead of simple loops, players now face valleys and mountains, beaches and jungles, cities and tunnels, bridges and dangerous drops and falling boulders. Track designs are absolutely smashing, wildly diverse in their layouts and visuals. Different tactics will be necessary to prevail in each course and circuit. I'm sure you have your favorites, as I have mine.

The key to winning are the powerslides, which are activated while making sharp turns, then quickly shifting the joystick left-right three times. If performed correctly, your kart is given a short but notable speed boost. Observe how the early racetracks feature large ovals and easy turns. Normal driving, by holding down the accelerator, results in slow races. It's not very much fun, and I suspect this is where critics felt their early disappointment. But if you master the powerslides, races become much faster and more intense. Track designs are now studied for optimal points for powerslide boosts, and skilled players will dominate over rookies.

As everyone knows, four-player splitscreen is the main feature of this title. Nintendo 64 became a beloved favorite for multiplayer party games, thanks to its four controller ports (Sega wisely followed with the Dreamcast). _Mario Kart 64_ results in some extremely intense and competitive matches. The pacing is slower than the original _Mario Kart_ , but the action is meatier, richer, more consequential. It's like comparing The Who to Led Zeppelin; fans endlessly argue which is better, but all agree that both are essential. Have you ever met anyone who feverishly defended, say, _Atari Karts_ or _South Park Rally_ in like manner? I didn't think so.

Nintendo wisely made each _Mario Kart_ title different and unique in its early installments, giving players new motivation to line up and shell out money again. After _Mario Kart DS_ , the fifth and, arguably, best _Mario Kart_ of them all — the formula was essentially perfected, and subsequent sequels have only made minor changes. I greatly respect the courage to roll the dice with the early episodes, taking chances and refusing to become locked in stasis. Today, the company is in trouble largely because such lessons have become forgotten. The "Nintendo Checklist" is in full effect, obvious to all who see, and we find ourselves bored and slightly depressed as a result.

### Star Fox 64

Nintendo for Nintendo 64

Shooter

1997

Rating: 9/10

In _Star Fox 64_ , you pilot a sleek spaceship across asteroid belts, forest and desert worlds, through enormous space stations, and beneath vast oceans. You battle an alien fleet on land, sea, air and space, and when you finally confront the enemy leader, you discover he is a giant disembodied head who bears more than a slight resemblance to Dr. Zaius. You are joined by three pilots who are suitably skilled but often need to be rescued. And everybody resembles the cast of _The Muppet Show_. What's not to love?

The Nintendo 64 didn't have many truly inspired moments, and faithful fans had to sit patiently through long dry spells, waiting for the classics to arrive: _Super Mario 64_ , _Wave Race 64_ , _Banjo-Kazooie_ , _Goldeneye_ , _F-Zero X_ , _Beetle Adventure Racing_ , _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_. _Star Fox 64_ easily belongs in that elite group. This is an exciting arcade-style shoot-em-up with immersive 3D polygon graphics, a variety of gameplay options, and a terrific four-player mode that never fails to excite.

One impressive addition to the formula are the tanks, which are used on two worlds instead of the standard Airwings. The vehicle rumbles with suitable weight, carries impressive firepower, and quickly dodges to the side in a barrel roll. It's quite fun to play as these, and I am reminded of 3DO's _Battletanx_ series on Nintendo 64. A submarine is also available on the underwater world, but it's less inspired, lacking a unique identity and controlling too much like the Airwings. In all fairness, it's hard to compete against a tank that does barrel rolls (no wonder that Rabbit is always harassing you).

While the gameplay usually follows along a set path (what is called a "rail shooter"), boss battles take place in large arenas, where you can freely roam in any direction. These fights can be especially intense, facing off against walking mechs, flying battleships, and enormous alien creatures that look particularly creepy (thanks to the Nintendo 64's low polygon count). These are some of my favorite _Star Fox_ moments.

The voice acting is suitably cheesy and always leaves a smile on my face. There are many silly and meme-worthy lines that will no doubt be repeated in every _Star Fox_ sequel until the end of time. "Do a barrel roll" is the silliest (and most annoying) videogame catchphrase since _Bubsy's_ "What could possibly go wrong?" And is it just me, or does Slippy Toad sound like Ralph Wiggum? "Hi, Lisa. Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers." See what I mean? Nintendo should shoehorn that line into a future sequel, just for laughs.

The original _Star Fox_ on the Super NES was very good by 1993 standards, but it always felt like a tech demo designed to show off the novelty of flat-shaded polygons (it was during this time that Sega debuted _Virtua Racing_ in the arcades). The frame rate was too low, the speed too sluggish, the gameplay too limited. A fun game, of course, but more a "proof-of-concept" than anything else. The power of the Nintendo 64 (we easily forget just how sophisticated its 3D hardware was at that time) enables complex and fully realized worlds, and _Star Fox 64_ delivers on all those promises and then some. As far as I'm concerned, this is the definitive title in the series. I can't see how Nintendo could surpass it, and subsequent sequels prove me right.

### Super Mario 64

Nintendo for N64

Action

1996

Rating: 10/10

_Super Mario 64_ is a videogame of moments. It's a journey of endless surprises and discoveries, thrills big and small, where something interesting always lies behind the next turn. It is a pioneering title that revels in its novelty, gleefully reinventing the medium in its own image. _Next Generation_ magazine famously proclaimed it "the greatest videogame ever made," and everybody who played believed it in their bones. Twenty years later, the case can still be made.

Here are sixty-four great reasons to love _Super Mario 64_ :

_Super Mario 64_ is the first true 3D polygon "open world" videogame. Nothing like this had ever been seen before, only imagined in such movies as Disney's _Tron_. For a generation raised on Atari and NES, this feels like Dorothy walking into a Technicolor Oz. The fusion of free-roaming camera and analog control for fully three-dimensional movement, along any direction or plane, is truly revolutionary and opens the door for the modern era of polygon videogame worlds.

The goal is never about "winning" but exploring. You only need to acquire 70 out of 120 stars to defeat Bowser and reach the ending. This idea reaches back to the original _Super Mario Brothers_ and _Super Mario World_ , which enable you to warp ahead to Bowser's final castle. For Shigeru Miyamoto, it's always about the journey, never the destination.

Non-linear gameplay: the freedom to find stars, roam around the Princess' mysterious castle, and visiting worlds in virtually any order. You can play this game six different ways before breakfast and never repeat yourself. Take that, _Crash Bandicoo_ t.

Mario's vast acrobatic moves, designed perfectly for playing and goofing around. His whoops and cheers always put a smile on my face. He's so happy when he performs a somersault or a triple jump. Many wonderful animations: Mario mumbling in his sleep, wobbling when in low health, shivering when in the cold.

The Title Screen: tugging on Mario's face. You spent hours playing around with this. Admit it.

Wasting half an hour every day doing cannonballs into the castle pond. I'll rescue the Princess when I damn well feel like it. I'm not buying her "kidnapped" stories any more. And if I go through with this, I expect a more of a reward than a "cake" and a peck on the nose. Until then...outta the way, pool time!

Finding that 1-UP mushroom inside one of the trees in the castle courtyard. Is there a reason for doing this? No, not really. You're just playing around and having fun.

Sliding down the bannisters inside the castle. Why do I do this? Because I can.

The way Mario gets kicked out of the paintings when he loses a life always deserves a chuckle. Oof! Mama mia!

Riding down The Princess' Secret Slide on your belly. Why Nintendo never created a full racing game from these mini-stages, I'll never know. And that goes double for the manta ray course in _Super Mario Galaxy_.

Moments where you need to crawl slowly across narrow platforms or past sleeping piranha plants, instead of racing by at top speed.

Racing a giant (and friendly) Koopa the Quick to the top of Bob-omb Battlefield. You run across hills, over ledges, past a large Chain Chomp who tries to eat you, past waves of enormous bowling balls, and over ramps and ledges.

Mario falling and getting stuck in the snow. If you dive head-first, you be buried head-first. Nice.

If you butt-stomp the pole that's attached to Gate-Chomp's chain, you set him loose, knocking down iron bars that contain a star.

The giant underwater drop-off in Jolly Roger Bay that hides a sunken pirate ship and large red eel.

Sneaking onboard the sunken pirate ship and raising it to the surface.

Racing a giant penguin down a treacherous ice slide hidden inside a mountain. You discover this area by jumping into a cabin chimney.

Finding the giant penguin's lost baby penguin, returning him safely...and then chucking the little bastard off the cliff, purely for kicks.

The owl who carries you to the top of Whomp's Fortress, viewing the entire playfield from below.

Being blasted out of a cannon is fun. Being shot out while wearing the flying cap is especially fun, and enables you to fly.

The three Bowser stages, brilliantly designed obstacle courses that incorporate classic 2D platforming design in a 3D environment.

Grabbing Bowser by the tail, spinning him around, and launching him into a waiting bomb. It was not only a skillful demonstration of the Nintendo 64 analog controller, it was just a lot of fun.

The first time you enter the castle basement, you'll encounter a room that is flooded. Two large pillars appear over the water. True story: just for fun, I decided to butt-stomp one of these pillars, and it dropped, to my surprise. I decided to stomp the second; a musical chime sounded. Suddenly, the water drained completely from the basement. Opening the door at the bottom, I found myself outside the castle where the moat once stood. All the water was gone, drained through a small hole by the waterfall.

The reflective chrome pool in the basement. This amazing visual effect is also used for Metal Mario, which always reminded us of the T-1000 in _Terminator 2_.

Walking into the castle's main hall to discover a sunbeam. You stand inside, look up, and become transported to a bonus world in the sky.

Fighting the Giant Whomp on top of his fortress. The band-aid on his back is a nice touch.

Finding the 1-UP mushroom and star at the top of the giant snowman mountain in Snowman's Land.

Navigating through the transparent ice sculpture in Snowman's Land.

The Manta Ray's Reward: winning a star by swimming through a series of water rings as you closely follow a manta ray.

Shifting Sand Land: fighting the rock monster inside the giant pyramid.

The long steep slide down a wall in the Vanish Cap Switch Course.

Grabbing a star from the tail of the giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay.

Mario getting gobbled up by a giant fish who sports 1980s sunglasses and a mohawk. A nice homage to _Super Mario Brothers 3_.

Catching that rabbit who's running around the basement

More than any other videogame, _Super Mario 64_ rewards you for goofing off. One great example: finding a 1-UP mushroom hidden on top of a tool shed that lies far out of your way. There's no reason for me to hop on that roof; I was just nosy.

Exploring the inside of a giant pyramid in Shifting Sand Land.

The mirror room, which only exists to show off your cameraman, Lakitu. Thank goodness that little dog isn't throwing spikey turtles at me this time. I hate it when he does that.

Earning a star by shooting Mario head-first into the corner of a wall. Like many of you, I discovered this one by bad aiming and dumb luck.

The ghost piano that snaps at you suddenly. It's not quite the heart attack-inducing terrors of the Creepers in _Minecraft_ , but always good for a mild jolt.

Surfing on a lava ocean riding a Koopa shell like a skateboard. Take that, _Tony Hawk Pro Skater_.

The Loch Ness Monster who is hidden in an underground lake, beneath a maze-like construction zone. He is so peaceful and happy swimming about.

The castle's tiny-huge hallways that make a play on spatial distortion. Think of Citizen Kane and the giant window and fireplace.

In Cool, Cool Mountain, being chased by a large snowball, Indiana Jones style, as you try to crash it into another snowball to create a large snowman.

In Lethal Lava Land, I once threw Mario into the active volcano just for kicks. To my surprise, I discovered another underground realm hidden inside. Um, I meant to do that.

Raising and lowering the water levels in Wet-Dry World.

Finding the secret city hidden at the bottom of the Wet-Dry World.

Swimming through a small ocean in Dire, Dire Docks and finding Bowser's underground submarine.

In Tiny-Huge Island, butt-bombing the pool of water at the top of the mountain. You discover that you've actually flooded the house of Wiggler the Caterpillar who lives underneath. And what do you do when this happens? Stomp Wiggler repeatedly on the head to get your star, that's what. Mario can be a real jerk sometimes.

The cheeky monkey who steals Mario's hat. Wish I could toss him over a cliff.

Scaling to the top of Tall Tall Mountain, dodging giant bowling balls, Gumbas, treacherous ledges and dangerous drops.

Hopping into the green pipes in Tiny-Huge Island, switching from tiny to giant size and back again.

At the end of the second major obstacle course, you find a large green cylinder that will transport you to the main boss fight. I must confess to another goof-off moment: I have more fun rolling Mario inside the bowl indefinitely, avoiding the drain. Where's my star for that?

On the second showdown against Bowser, you battle on a platform that tilts dramatically whenever your adversary stomps down hard, threatening to knock you into a sea of lava. He does this whenever you spin him off the platform, instead of aiming for the bombs.

The long vertical drops in Tall, Tall Mountain and overall sense of vertigo. It was absolutely dizzying in 1996 (although, to be fair, _Tomb Raider_ is equally impressive).

Riding the magic carpet in Rainbow Ride.

Everything about the Tick Tock Clock world, which takes place entirely inside a grandfather clock. Deep vertical space and platforming bliss ensues.

Everything about Big Boo's Haunt, a world centered around a giant haunted house that mimics Resident Evil's fixed camera perspectives and surprise jolts.

Collecting the eight red coins in Wing Mario Over the Rainbow by flying through the clouds and being shot out of cannons.

The Cavern of the Metal Cap, a glittering cave with a rushing stream that threatens to carry Mario over the waterfall nearby the castle. By activating the Metal Mario cap, you can walk through the water and grab the eight red coins for a star.

The never-ending staircase to Bowser's final lair, set to the musical tones of a Shepard scale. As everyone would expect, a ten-hour video of this exists on Youtube.

A plaque that may or may not contain the message, "L is Real 2041." It proves Luigi is playable in this game! This is how obsessed we were with this videogame (although "U R MR GAY" is funnier). The original _Super Mario Brothers_ inspired similar levels of mad devotion.

The 100-coin challenge in each of the 15 worlds. You really appreciate the depths and richness of Nintendo's world-building skills. They know how to extract maximum gameplay potential out of relatively small spaces.

Finding Yoshi on the rooftop as a reward for collecting all 120 stars. Pity he doesn't hang around and play.

"The A Button Challenge." Is it possible to clear all 15 worlds without ever pressing the jump button? In 2015, a computer science student named Scott Buchanan did just that. Now I want to try. Where's my Wii Classic Controller?

### Wave Race 64

Nintendo for Nintendo 64

Racing

1996

Rating: 9/10

And so we come to one of the signature games from the Nintendo 64 library. _Wave Race 64_ was one of the first launch games for the console, sharing the space alongside _Super Mario 64_ and _Pilotwings 64_. Yep, Nintendo thought they were really being clever with the names. Well, lemme tell ya, adding "64" to the end of every N64 game wasn't clever, it was annoying and cliche, more so than the "super" prefix for every other Super NES title.

Ahem. It's easy to get sidetracked here. Almost too easy, in fact. This isn't an indictment against the game proper. No, something deeper. I think _Wave Race 64_ came to symbolize, and embody, all the highs and lows of Nintendo 64. _Super Mario 64_ was perfect. The greatest videogame ever made. You couldn't find a pair of eyes in 1996 to disagree, not even the _NiGHTS_ junkies clinging tightly to their Sega Saturns.

So _Mario_ was perfect, and _Wave Race_ was, and is, a great videogame. It's the true mascot for the console. Here lies the true archetype. Hmmm...am I stumbling into a running theme? Blame the collective digital unconscious.

_Wave Race 64_ was as much a standout for the new Nintendo console as _Mario_. Those water effects made a tremendous impression. This was a fantastic achievement. Revolutionary, even. This was something that was clearly far ahead of anything seen on Saturn or Sony Playstation. Nintendo was staking the high ground on the graphics war.

And the way the water felt was really just as important to that feeling of immersion. The flow of the waves, from serene calm to stormy torrent, moved with an expressionist zeal. The movement of your jet-skis across the surface was precise, intuitive, perfect. It's still perfect. The jet skis that you control maneuver intuitively, allowing you to steer, cut, swerve, and spin with ease. _Wave Race_ became a crucial test for Nintendo's new analog controller, and you can clearly see the results. Analog control became standard almost overnight, thanks to the magnificent steering controls that would be impossible to realise with a digital joypad.

You can perform some stunts on your jet ski, but I can't remember any of them beyond the barrel roll. I don't mind, it's purely for show, but this has always been a stalwart of the Nintendo design. Make the games fun and immersive above all else. Create a daydream that you want to frolic in. You shouldn't be surprised to learn that Shigeru Miyamoto's EAD team was in command of the design team. His fingerprints are once again on display, demonstrating just why he is videogames' greatest wizard.

Remember what I said earlier about this game being the true mascot for the Nintendo 64? We've gone over the good parts. Now for the downside.

Nintendo's stubborn refusal to give up the cartridge medium would almost prove their undoing, and it damn near sank the N64. Early launch games were scrutinized intensely to see how programmers could squeeze everything into that tiny memory space. The truth? Nintendo really couldn't. They couldn't fit the size and scope of the ever-widening Playstation and Saturn worlds into those carts, not without compromises that would only become more and more glaring as the years dragged on.

Because of this, poor Nintendo 64 wasn't allowed to really stretch as far as it could have. The polygon worlds were always blockier, simpler than the rivals. True, the console relied more heavily on visual effects over pure polygons. It was one of Nintendo's signature gambles. Didn't really pay off.

I remember noticing some limitations in _Wave Race 64_ , and it wasn't pretty. Things like the character models. Your racers are really, really blocky, chunky, even. It's like they were assembled in the Cubist style. Backgrounds, likewise, were simpler, utilizing easier geometry. And those backdrops? The fuzzy textures? Yeah, that was pretty obvious even in 1996. Clearly, that water took up most of the cart space.

I feel a bit guilty for pointing that out. Videogame reviewers are notorious for behaving like spoiled children on Santa's lap. But I feel no guilt in protesting about the game's biggest weakness: the level design. There are a large number of tracks, especially when most racers only had two or three courses. But the course designs are simple, far too simple. As in "giant circles." Just when racing games on the rival consoles were becoming sophisticated, challenging, and loaded with surprises, _Wave Race_ can feel like a ride at the kiddie park at times.

This has always been a thorn in my side where _Wave Race 64_ is concerned; I wanted some really inventive level designs, like _Sega Rally_ on the Saturn, or _Wipeout_ on Playstation. Instead, we get big ovals and simplistic circles. No doubt this was the inspiration for the game's use of buoys, in which you slalom through in order to build up your jetski's speed. I really like that idea; it's refreshingly original, adds a layer of depth to the races, and maintains a crucial balance in the gameplay; miss too many buoys and you're out of the race. Another check in Miyamoto's column. And another highlight of the challenges of working with those damned cartridges.

The options menu allows you to change the water conditions, from calm waves to heavy torrents. I've found it necessary to play in a storm in order to keep things interesting long-term, especially for the two-player games (what a shame four-player wasn't included). I do wish there were more options for customizing the races, ideas like random placements of the buoys and other objects to avoid. The final racetrack is novel for its receding tides, which drains the water away with each lap. It's a terrific thrill that invokes _Super Mario 64_. I would love to see such dynamics on all the racetracks. Now that would have added some challenge.

In the end, I have to admit that I remain torn about _Wave Race's_ strengths and weaknesses. Heck, I like the drama, and it's still eminently playable and fun. I've yet to sit down and play the Gamecube sequel, _Wave Race: Blue Storm_ ; to date that remains the only addition to the series (which began as a humble Game Boy racer). A bit of a puzzlement, actually. Perhaps that only adds to the game's mystique. Sequel overkill has turned many a videogame into rust. I'd prefer this one fresh, thank you very much.

### Yoshi's Story

Nintendo for Nintendo 64

Action

1998

Rating: 4/10

_Yoshi's Island_ was a major surprise on the Super Nintendo, and in fact was among the greatest action-platformers ever made. It was a surreal masterpiece of game design and psychedelic style, and it absolutely came from out of nowhere. Nothing in Nintendo's history up to that point could have predicted such a crazed left turn into the cornfield. The game was an enormous gamble; but it was a gamble that paid off.

Perhaps Nintendo thought they could gamble and win a second time, but by the time the Nintendo 64 era had arrived, their magic touch was fading. Their brand was in decline. True, on one hand, they had created _Super Mario 64_ , which was being hailed as The Greatest Videogame Of All Time, but the consistency and brilliance you came to expect from the NES and Super NES was strangely missing on their clunky fifth-generation console. Who knew? Scratch that.

Nintendo was entering an experimental phase, where their classic hits were reinvented for the 3D polygon age. They gambled with _Mario_ and hit the jackpot. They gambled with _Mario Kart 64_ and won big. They were in the slow process of gambling with _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ , which would really hit the big score. So it's unfair to pile on _Yoshi's Story_ for failing to make the grade. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

We really should have seen it coming. _Yoshi's Island_ was a major surprise hit, and its relative independence from the _Super Mario_ franchise empowered the designers with some degree of freedom. I don't think anyone ever really figured out what to do with it. There was no Miyamoto directing things or pulling strings, so _Yoshi's Story_ waddles around, aimless, a character in search of an author. We see this happen every time the series is revived.

There's really no magic in _Yoshi's Story_. For all its colorful playfulness — and it does this beautifully with pre-rendered graphics, ala _Donkey Kong Country_ — the game lacks any sense of purpose. It lacks any sense of challenge. The original title only looked like a children's game, which masked a fiercely challenging platformer. This sequel is content to settle for the mask. I've read online that skilled players could complete the entire videogame within an hour, which is an idea so sacrilegious that it should set off alarm bells. You don't bulldoze your way through a Nintendo platformer in an hour. Heck, _New Super Mario Brothers_ on the Nintendo DS was a cakewalk, and even that took more time to reach the ending.

Was _Yoshi's Story_ meant to be a children's game? Probably. It surely looks the part. But the whole approach is so basic, so simple — run around and collect fruit, yadda yadda — that I can't imagine any children having fun with it. Certainly not after 2007, which is when _Yoshi's Story_ was released on Virtual Console. By that time, most children were expected to achieve Elroy Jetson-levels of computer sophistication. The average six-year-old probably has his or her own website up and running by now, and at least a couple iPhone apps, and they're already quickly learning how to the fix the computer for us hapless parents. Help! Fix the magic box!

I think today's kids are a little better than this. They don't need a cheap, cut-rate videogame, one that babies and coddles them, to idly pass the time. Idly passing the time is something grown-ups do. That's what the television remote is for. And alcohol. And traffic jams. And lines at the doughnut shop. You get the point.

## Part IV:

Sega Genesis

### Alien Soldier

Treasure for Genesis

Action

1995

Rating: 9/10

_Alien Soldier_ was one of the great "lost" Sega Genesis titles, possibly the most famous, and certainly the most sought after by hardcore gamers. The game was released in Japan, but failed to make the jump westward for whatever reason. It is one of only two games Treasure created for the Genesis that never left its shores. For the devoted fans of the great _Gunstar Heroes_ , this was almost scandalous.

Treasure hit the ground running with some of the most inventive and exciting videogames for Sega's consoles, first with Genesis and then later with Saturn. _Gunstar Heroes_ kicked things off, and continued with the likes of _Dynamite Headdy_ , _Alien Soldier_ , _Guardian Heroes_ , _Silhouette Mirage_ , and _Radiant Silvergun_. This were their golden age when they constantly reinvented established genres, turning convention on its head again and again. They had a certain magic for inventive madness.

The post-Saturn eras, however, have not been kind to Treasure; _Ikaruga_ on the Sega Dreamcast (later ported to Nintendo's Gamecube) was their last streak of brilliance. As the game industry moved away from arcades and towards cinematics, the studio's fortunes waned and they were eventually forced to churn out commercial tie-ins and uninspired reruns of their classic hits. The magic in a bottle had finally run dry.

If you consider yourself a hardcore gamer in the traditional sense, _Alien Soldier_ is the perfect game for you. It has been thought of, casually, as a cousin to _Gunstar Heroes_ , with a typically strange lead character who runs and shoots enemies through science-fiction environments. But that's really not where the game is coming from. It's really much closer to the tournament fighters like _Street Fighter 2_ and _Virtua Fighter_.

This game is composed almost entirely of boss fights. Long, brutal, vicious boss fights. These are battles to the end, one endurance test after another. If you've complained about the simple pattern memorizing that entails most boss battles, well, you got your wish. Congratulations. You may learn to regret that request after you've had a couple teeth knocked out.

_Alien Soldier_ sends you out the door fully armed, with a large collection of weapons that you can choose from. This idea of eschewing power-ups is used again, to great success, in _Radiant Silvergun_ and _Ikaruga_. It was a novel idea at the time; the established cliche of most action games was to begin almost unarmed, then steadily improve your offense with power-ups scattered around the environment. It's a tired old cliche, a relic from the video arcades which demanded another quarter from poor, luckless kids every sixty seconds.

Treasure trimmed away all that fat, leaving us with pure steak. This is the whole reason we're here: get down to business, get to the fighting and see who comes out on top. I can't think of another action-shooter-fighting hybrid; it's a testament to the endlessly crazy ideas that flowed from the studio. They understood the essentials of videogame design, especially arcade-style games, better than almost anyone. Treasure understood things from the fan's point-of-view, because they were fans at heart, too. They were the hardcore kids who blistered their fingers on everything else and still screamed for more. Nobody else could be bothered to challenge the skills of the coin-op veterans, so they went and did it themselves.

_Alien Soldier_ is a tough game. These alien boss battles are brutally hard, the ultimate challenge for the true gamers. Because of this, it's doomed forever to the status of cult hit. More casual gamers, even those who enjoy _Gunstar Heroes_ and _Dynamite Headdy_ , are more likely to be left out in the cold. It's just too much for them. That's not a critique; it's just the way of things.

The graphics are outstanding, as we always expect from Treasure, with excellent use of colors and details. The character designs are less "anime" and more surreal, perhaps a touch psychedelic, which is a welcome change of pace. The bosses utilize a segmented, jointed animation style common to the 16-bit era, especially the Genesis, and they only seem to become larger and creepier as the game progresses. The dazzling, bam-pow special effects that are so often a Treasure staple are mostly absent here, but this fits the tightly focused, almost austere world of _Alien Soldier._ No fat, pure steak. Fight, fight, fight!

### Altered Beast

Sega for Genesis

Action

1989

Rating: 3/10

_Altered Beast_ was actually a good arcade game, one of a whole pack of great Sega arcade hits during the mid- to late-1980s. Its angle was slightly unique: you play as a pair of dead soldiers resurrected by Zeus, who commands you to rescue his kidnapped daughter (because every videogame in the '80s involved rescuing kidnapped girls). In your quest, you are empowered with glowing spheres that mutate you from Scrawny Zombie Loser to Steroid Freak to Mutant Animal Superhero. This is very screwy theology, but it results in a very enjoyable experience at the local video arcade after school.

This was one of Sega's very first Mega Drive titles, released in 1988 in Japan, and released in 1989 as the pack-in titles for Sega Genesis. It was practically the textbook definition of a lazy pack-in videogame: barely serviceable, lazily executed, short and basic and all too simple. It's a decent showcase for the new system's powers, with large character sprites and digitized speech samples. But all this pomp and circumstance is a sham; its only real function is to force you out to the mall in search of more videogames.

What's wrong with Genesis _Altered Beast_? It's a lousy, half-hearted conversion of the arcade. The graphics kinda look right, except the colors are flat and overly dithered, the animation is lacking, the difficulty severely clipped. Beyond that, the gameplay is extremely basic, with auto-scrolling, two-tiered landscapes that somehow manage to move too slowly, yet end far too soon. I swear these levels are less than two minutes long. When your character transforms into his animal form, you sit up and notice because, hey, now this game is gonna be really cool. Then the stage ends five or ten seconds later and the boss arrives, a complete pushover you will dispatch in mere seconds. The main villain suddenly appears, steals your steroid spheres, and you're back to playing as the scrawny stringbean again. What a rip. I want my superpowers back!

This videogame is a cakewalk. Really, you can waltz through to the end in 15 minutes flat, and still leave time for a coffee break. It was an early work and a cheap conversion, and it shows. The game's only novelty, again, are the digitized voice samples and large character sprites, impressive in the age of NES, but exposed as low-fi and scratchy once the Super Nintendo arrived. It's the videogame equivalent to White Castle burgers: cheap, greasy and destined to leave a knot in the pit of your stomach. No way in hell is this trip worth eight bucks; it's barely worth two. This game makes a mockery of Nintendo's pricing system for Virtual Console.

Seriously, the only good thing about _Altered Beast_ on Genesis was the box art. They couldn't even get the ending right; the coin-op concluded with all the game's characters removing their costumes, revealing that the whole production was, in fact, a stage play. This videogame-as-theater meme would also appear in Treasure's _Dynamite Headdy_ , Nintendo's _Super Mario Brothers 3_ , and Sega's _World of Illusion_ and _Bug_.

Don't believe the hype. _Altered Beast_ on Sega Genesis stinks. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a sucker, or a con artist trying to grab your wallet. Beware on both counts.

### Bonanza Bros.

Sega for Genesis

Action

1991

Rating: 4/10

Why do I always the feeling that _Bonanza Bros._ was conceived by Sega programmers who spent an entire Saturday night getting schlocked on cheap booze while playing with Weebles and watching _The Blues Brothers_? Playing this videogame — a tepid conversion of a coin-op arcade obscurity — only leaves me with the hangover. My head hurts and everything tastes like pickles.

In this game, two Weebles break into a series of buildings, steal a collection of valuables, and then make their way to a designated escape point. It might remind you of classic videogames like _Elevator Action_ , _Keystone Capers_ or _Spy vs Spy_ , except for the inconvenient fact that those games were fast, challenging and a lot of fun; _Bonanza Bros._ is about as much fun as washing your socks. By hand.

Stealth-based videogames became fashionable in the years since _Bonanza Bros._ dropped, thanks to big hits like _Goldeneye_ and _Metal Gear Solid_ and the Patriot Act (ahem). So perhaps this Sega arcade title, which emphases stealth and strategy, will improve in the minds of today's gamers. What was a slow little game becomes one with depth, character. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

I still say it's a glorified Atari 2600 game, with simplistic quasi-polygon graphics and basic geometric shapes. The gameplay is extremely repetitive, merely recycling the same rooms over and over. There's really not much "stealth" to speak of, especially when you can very easily shoot these clueless guards and shuffle away. Why bother hiding in the background? This element of the game should have been fleshed out more. I also think it was a mistake to have the treasure sitting in the open, waiting to be taken. Sega should have hidden them inside the furniture, just like _Spy vs Spy_. That classic videogame did everything this one does a hundred times better.

_Bonanza Bros._ does possess a lot of character, like flies landing on your head whenever you hide in one place for too long. The two-player split-screen adds a bit of fun, and it's nice to have two players work as a team. This Genesis version is toned down from the System 24 arcade, the usual Sega treatment circa 1990 (they could be remarkably indifferent to their b-list titles). The music is a little weird, in that Sega-rock sense, and there's some scratchy voices that weren't in the coin-op. Can't imagine why they tried to put that into the cart, since nobody ever liked the low-fi voice sampling on the Genesis.

Fun for five minutes, or boredom in five seconds. Either way, you'll be done with this cartridge in less time than it takes to make a peanut butter sandwich; afterwards, that cartridge will be fated to become a paperweight. If you bought a digital copy via Virtual Console, you won't even have that satisfaction. You might as well have wasted your afternoon looking at cat pictures on Facebook. Or, better yet, just make that sandwich. Eight bucks saved!

### Columns

Sega for Genesis

Puzzle

1990

Rating:6/10

_Columns_ was Sega's first attempt to jump into the puzzle game craze ignited by _Tetris_ , which had exploded on the scene as the pack-in title for Nintendo's enormously successful Game Boy portable system in 1989, after prior tours on the PC and arcades. It didn't take long for the clones to start popping up everywhere, with every developer and their uncle trying to create the next monster puzzle hit.

According to Wikipedia and the internets, _Columns_ was created by a Hewlett-Packard programmer named Jay Gertsen. The game was released on IBM PC and Atari ST computer platforms, and then purchased by Sega in 1990. They quickly renamed the title to "Columns" and released it to arcades and Sega Genesis; it was later included as the pack-in title for the Game Gear portable system.

The gameplay is somewhat simple compared to _Tetris_ , where you match three same-colored jewels to remove them from the playfield. But this simplicity hides its true depth; jewels can be matched vertically, horizontally, or diagonally, and this enables combinations of jewels to be taken down in succession. Skilled players learn how to stack several columns of jewels, then knock everything down in one massive combo. It's quite impressive.

You can see how Compile built upon this formula with _Puyo Puyo_ , adding a competitive element that would transform the genre. _Puyo Puyo 2_ was the breakthrough, a new kind of fighting puzzle game that broke free from Tetris' gravitational pull. Many similar titles followed, including Capcom's excellent _Super Puzzle Fighter 2_.

Sega's _Columns_ doesn't quite reach that peak. It lays the foundation for future greatness that it cannot attain. Despite the innovative combo system, gameplay is often slow and lacking that extra layer of tension. Two-player games are never competitive; one never interacts with the other, instead playing two solo games simultaneously. This is one of those things that can date a videogame rather badly, and the _Columns_ series never really caught up with the rest of the pack.

As a Sega Genesis videogame from 1990, _Columns_ is pretty decent fun. It was the system's sole puzzler of note at the time, the only outlet for Tetris players looking for that next fix. But I think it was surpassed fairly quickly by much better titles, ones that expanded the basic formula to its logical conclusion. Because of this, the game feels basic, simplified, incomplete. It's a verse without a chorus. I'll give it six out of ten, passable and above-average, not great, but decent. If you're a fan of this series, add one point to the score for nostalgia.

### Comix Zone

Sega Technical Institute for Genesis

Fighting

1995

Rating: 8/10

For some reason, whenever I think of Sega's _Comix Zone_ , I'm reminded of an ongoing comic that ran in _Diehard Gamefan_ magazine, where the pudgy and nerdish staff were reimagined as athletic, muscle-bound superheroes. In reality, they more closely resembled Comic Book Guy than Superman. Now here's Sega of America with the videogame equivalent, where a hardworking comic book artist is hurled into a world of his own creation, and his skills at emptying bags of Doritos is replaced with Jeet-kune-do. Ach, I'm terrible!

_Comix Zone_ is a memorable title from the latter Genesis period, courtesy of their US-based Sega Technical Institute. The Sega software studio built a reputation for technical mastery of the Genesis and a willingness to experiment and push boundaries. They are probably most famous for collaborating with Yuji Naka on _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ , and other titles include _Dick Tracy_ , _Kid Chameleon_ , _Sonic Spinball_ and _The Ooze_. They collaborated with Sega AM1 for the arcade and Saturn hit _Die Hard Arcade_ , and famously disintegrated during the long and doomed production of _Sonic Xtreme_.

The graphics are rendered in four-color comic book format, including panels, dialog boxes, and running commentary between characters. You'll even see an artist's hand appear on screen to draw new villains or obstacles for our hero. It's all very impressive, visually, and I'm reminded just how dazzling the Genesis became in its final two years. Software developers were creating amazing new visual effects and graphics benchmarks almost every month. Sega's aging 16-bit system was beginning to feel long in the tooth (especially after Nintendo dropped _Donkey Kong Country_ in 1994 and blew everybody's minds), so effects-driven stunners like _Gunstar Heroes_ , _Contra: Hard Corps_ , _X-Ranger_ , _Vectorman_ and _Comix Zone_ were very welcome indeed.

Yes, _Comix Zone_ is one of a thousand beat-em-ups, one that's even more limiting because its presentation is strictly 2D, instead of the slanted 3D floors that were standard-issue going back to _Double Dragon_. This is a game where design leads function, and as long as you enjoy the comic book premise, you'll be fine. It's an extremely challenging game that never lets the pacing or intensity lag for a moment. You're always going to be facing some new threat, and it's always going to be tough. Classic, old-school videogame _tough_.

It should also be noted that you have a lot of moves at your disposal. The trick is that you actually need these skills; you'll fare far better by utilizing your whole arsenal instead of merely bashing the punch button, which has always been a severe weakness of this genre. That _Comix Zone_ can bring a level of skill and panache to these proceedings, and succeed on nearly every level, is a genuine achievement.

That said, I do wish multiplayer was available. It seems strange that a martial arts action game in 1995 would only allow for a single player. These are among the most socially oriented of videogames. We have a lot of fun sitting on the couch together, mashing buttons, teaming up to solve occasional puzzles and beating down bosses. If only STI had survived, we could have had a sequel or update for the Saturn or Dreamcast. I would have loved to see what future hardware could have done with a premise such as this. If only hand-drawn graphics weren't thrown away wholesale when the polygons arrived. If only, if only.

### Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine

Compile and Sega for Genesis

Puzzle

1993

Rating: 7/10

_Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine_ is Sega of America's localization of Compile's classic puzzle game, _Puyo Puyo_. The characters are based on the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ TV cartoon series, which was very popular at the time. 1993 was a year without a proper Sonic title on the Genesis ( _Sonic CD_ arrived on the Sega CD system, but failed to become a system-seller), and so this title was introduced, alongside the US-developed pinball title, _Sonic Spinball_.

This same title was also ported to the Super NES, in similar fashion, as _Kirby's Avalanche_. Both versions are identical, aside from the respective company's mascot characters. The gameplay is fully intact and perfect, meaning that Nintendo and Sega fans alike could enjoy this great puzzler. Single player story mode and two-player battles are available, providing plenty of challenge.

This puzzler involves moving pairs of gel-like balls, called Puyos, into a pit, similar to _Tetris_ and _Columns_. The key difference is these Puyos stick to one another, horizontally or vertically. When groups of four or more are joined, they are eliminated from the playfield. Skillful players learn how to set up chain combos, where one pairing causes the entire playfield of Puyos to drop, causing another pairing, and another, and another.

This is where the competitive element of the game shines. The more Puyos you eliminate in a combo, the more "garbage" Puyos will be dropped into your opponent's side. This was Compile's great innovation, inspired by _Street Fighter 2_ and its emphasis on competitive combat. Multiplayer matches quickly become very heated and intense, blazing at a rapid-fire clip. Compile's sequel, _Puyo Puyo 2_ (released to arcades, Super Famicom, Playstation and Saturn in Japan) introduced a defensive ability by allowing your Puyo combos to block your opponent's. The original is great fun; the sequel is madcap genius.

I've already discussed _Puyo Puyo_ in depth in my _Kirby's Avalanche_ review, so I'll try not to repeat myself. Suffice it to say that Genesis owners will be happy with _Mean Bean Machine_ in their collection. Graphics are solidly detailed, colors are bold and varied, sound effects and music are entertaining. I personally prefer the SNES version, thanks to its superior visuals and lack of annoying cartoon characters. Ahem. I was never a fan of the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ cartoon show. C'mon, Urkel was the voice of Sonic. They might as well have hired Vanilla Ice.

### Ecco the Dolphin

Novotrade for Genesis

Action

1992

Rating: 8/10

Remember that _Simpsons_ episode where Homer Simpson and Mr. Burns were caught together in an avalanche? They endure all manner of ordeals and hardships, miraculously surviving to tell the tale. At the end, Burns points at Homer and says, "You know what they say? After you've been through something like that with another person...you never want to see that person again."

That pretty much describes my relationship with _Ecco the Dolphin_. In 1992, I loved it to pieces, even more than _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ and _Street Fighter 2_ , the two biggest home blockbusters that year. Its striking originality and creativity stood out in a market crowded with me-too clones of ancient videogame standards. I highly recommend it to anyone who has never played. But there's no bloody way in hell that I'll go through that trip again. No way. I won and I'm done.

My reason? Difficulty. The punishing difficulty made _Ecco_ a gruelling experience, an endurance test. And when I finally reached the ending, I felt a sense of satisfaction, of having reached a very difficult mountaintop. And I felt relieved, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Honestly, I've never really gone back. I played _Ecco_ lightly here and there over the years, even played the first couple stages of its sequel, _Ecco: The Tides of Time_ , which continues and refines the formula. But I never laid a finger on the kiddie-friendly _Ecco Jr_ nor the Sega Dreamcast revival, _Ecco: Defender of the Future_ (even though the disc is sitting in my library). I really need to fix that one of these days.

Don't get me wrong, _Ecco the Dolphin_ is an excellent videogame, one of the true innovators of the Genesis library and a shining star in Sega's stable. It is a brilliant mixture of 2D action-platforming, adventure, puzzle solving and racing, each style weaving into one another seamlessly. The game plays out like an epic concept album. Early levels are densely packed, sending you on multiple quests and towards numerous goals. Then the pace eases for a couple levels as you race against sharks en route to new ocean waters. Then the complexity kicks in again, the environments change to new locations once or twice, followed by some quicker, leaner stages. The climax takes place on a massive alien vessel that was clearly inspired by H.R. Giger and the _Alien_ movies.

You meet with other sea creatures, such as sharks, whales, and jellyfish. Some will aid you, some will try to harm you. At one point, you will encounter an enormous multicolored DNA double helix. At another, you face against a towering alien head that lurks in dark waters. Many Times, you are required to seek out crystals or send messages or find someone. Much of the time, you're pushing around giant, heavy rocks. Lots of rocks.

Your dolphin is quite agile and moves with a graceful, silky motion. The animation is impressively smooth, and you can see how much effort Novotrade, the software studio, put into the realism of the characters. They aimed to recreate a realistic ocean world, diverse and colorful, varied and mysterious. Many times, I was amazed at the sight of a new location or surprise in the depths. Many times, I just had fun splashing around the water, doing somersaults in the air. Is there any specific reason to do these tricks? No. It's just part of the fun. It's an important lesson Nintendo learned for _Super Mario 64_ , where you can kill hours doing cannonballs into the pond or sliding down banisters.

Graphics are also excellent. I was always impressed by the detailed textures of the rocks and mountains, the varied color palette above and below water. There's a terrific amount of details in coral reefs and plants, fish and mammals. The Genesis has rarely seen better graphics. _The Tides of Time_ may be a touch more colorful, but it's extremely close. Audio is somewhat muted, quiet and ambient, which was probably a minor miracle considering Sega's endless obsession with 1980s Van Halen rock. Sega later ported _Ecco_ to the Sega CD with a completely re-scored soundtrack by Spencer Nilsen, a significant improvement. A few additional levels were added for that release as well.

But it always comes back to that difficulty, that overwhelming enormity of getting through it all. My shoulders feel tired just thinking about having to move those stupid rocks against the currents, dodging sharks and whatever else the puzzle designers had devised to thwart me. I still have no idea how I managed to navigate through that alien ship and kill the hive mother. How did I get through Atlantis? How did I get past those dinosaurs? I have no idea, and there's no way I'm going to fight that war again. Storm your own damn beaches.

Finally, a personal note: I wrote a review for _Ecco the Dolphin_ for _Electronic Games_ magazine, the revived videogame magazine published by the legendary KKW (Arnie Katz, Bill Kunkel, Joyce Worley) trio. Their magazine included a monthly "jury review" essay, where one reader's review would be published. This also coincided with the rise of the videogame fanzine scene, and we were hungry with ambition. We all wanted to become professional writers or break into the game industry. Arnie Katz inspired and nurtured many careers, including Chris Kohler ( _Wired Magazine_ ), Chris Johnson ( _Electronic Gaming Monthly_ , Adult Swim Games), Ara Shirinian and Tyrone Rodriguez ( _Tips 'n Tricks Magazine_ ), and, finally, myself.

My _Ecco_ review was published in the August, 1993 issue of _Electronic Games_. I was ecstatic. It was my first professionally published piece. Eventually, my career led to freelance writing, publishing an art website, _Ghibli Blog_ , some more freelance writing, and, finally, to DT Media and this book. So I'm really still playing the role of the high school student with a stack of zines underneath his arm.

This probably explains why I currently have a Sony Walkman loaded with Teenage Fanclub on cassette. It is still the year 1994, and I am still the caretaker. I have always been the caretaker.

### Ecco: The Tides of Time

Novotrade for Genesis

Action

1994

Rating: 7/10

An odd mystery for me. I was a great fan of _Ecco the Dolphin_ back in 1992. Even managed to write a published review for _Electronic Games_ magazine, which was a tremendous thrill for me. Here was a treasured favorite for the Genesis. And yet the sequel completely evades me. I don't think I hardly ever spent time on this.

I've never really explained it. Most likely it's because _Ecco_ was one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. It was thrilling, compelling, and very, very challenging. And once I'd finally reached the end, I put the controller down once and for all. It's one of those experiences you cherish, but don't hope to reenact.

Truth is, _Ecco_ was damned hard. Finishing the game was an act of supreme stubbornness, a willful match of man and machine, to see who blinks. I wouldn't let that damned game machine get the better of me. Also, my college girlfriend at the time was somewhat impressed. She liked the dolphin, even if she couldn't get very far. Nobody could.

Sega tried to turn _Ecco_ into a marquee star, with one official sequel, _The Tides of Time_ , and one terrible cash-in for the kiddies called _Ecco Jr._ that we'll never mention again. There was also a tech demo for a promised 32X version which never materialized, and then finally a Dreamcast remake many years later. None of those later efforts captured the imagination of the original.

So perhaps I'm just laying out my excuses for not actually sitting down and playing _Ecco 2_. I probably should at some point. To its credit, it appears that Novotrade pushed out even more colorful, detailed graphics from the Genesis. It truly does rank among the console's finest. And it clearly is meant to be a continuation of the original, a game for the fans. That means, predictably, that it's brutishly difficult, yet oddly compelling.

If there is one thing I genuinely cannot stand about _Ecco 2_ , it's this: the 3D levels. At the very beginning, you're required to travel through a 3D stage en route to the next level, in a behind-the-dolphin view. You must swim through a long series of blue hoops, both underwater and in the air. It is terrible.

Remember the bonus stage from _Tempest 2000_? At least Jeff Minter didn't shut the game down if you couldn't get to the end of those stages. Novotrade actually expects you to finish theirs, and the Genesis wasn't exactly built for 3D scrolling. Now that I think of it, maybe this is the reason I stopped playing.

Just do yourself a favor: get the passwords from GameFAQs.com and skip those damn hoop stages. I'm docking the score accordingly — and let that be a lesson to every one of you.

Interesting that this game was released on Virtual Console the same week as _Super Mario Bros 2_. Both games represent opposite paths for game sequels - more of the same, versus something wildly different. Software developers could make such choices in those days, when making a videogame didn't cost you and a roomful of shareholders $50 million.

So, anyway, let me tell you what you likely already know. If you enjoyed the first _Ecco_ , you'll probably enjoy this one. If you're looking for only one, and must choose....I'd stay with the original. And if the whole action-puzzle dolphin thing never appealed to you, well, you just wasted all this time reading. Sucks to be you.

### Gain Ground

Renovation for Sega Genesis

Action

1991

Rating: 7/10

_Gain Ground_ is one of those more obscure Sega Genesis games that's enamoured by a good number of fans and classic gamers and what-have-you. It originated as a Sega arcade title in 1988, and was later published in 1991 by Telenet's Renovation label. Translations were also released on the Sega Master System, PC Engine CD-ROM, and Playstation 2 (as part of the "Sega 5200" series). The Genesis titles is arguably the best home version, the closest to the original source and the most playable.

Basically, _Gain Ground_ is a single-screen variant on _Gauntlet_ , with a good amount of action and tension as you lead a small squad against a horribly outnumbered set of enemies. The time-travel setup sends you through different ages, from spears to bows and arrows to armor and castle walls. It's a nice style that adds character. You begin with a choice of three characters, with an additional 17 that can be added to your party over the course of the game's 50 stages (the home versions add ten levels over the coin-op).

This videogame appears to be an action/shoot-em-up, but it's really a strategy/puzzle hybrid. Your goal is to move your team to the exit, past opposing armies, soldiers, archers, and the like. For me, however, this brings me to my main peeve, and you'll have to judge for yourself whether this will influence your own thoughts. The pace is extremely slow. S-L-O-W. Fans would explain, I guess, that this is more of a strategically-minded game, not a mindless _Rambo_ shooter. Each stage requires a certain technique to solve. You have to bob and weave and use a little guerilla warfare to pick down your foes. And there's no denying the tension is there once you get past the first half-dozen or so levels.

I think if you're expecting a fast-paced game, something akin to _Gauntlet_ or _Ikari Warriors_ , you'll walk away disappointed. You need to approach _Gain Ground_ on its own terms. You need to understand its methodical pacing, its blending of strategy and tension. As the game progresses, it can become quite intense, as you try to overcome overwhelming odds again and again. It also helps to have an ever-growing squad of characters to call upon, each with their own traits and quirks. Lose a couple team members at the wrong time, and you're royally screwed.

It should also be noted that _Gain Ground_ on Genesis is a two-player game (the arcade enables three players at once). This title is much better with a friend; its tactical gameplay comes alive in a way that it never does playing solo. The high difficulty certainly pushes you into multiplayer, where otherwise you can become overwhelmed. I'm reminded a lot of the Sensible Software action-strategy classic, _Cannon Fodder_ , only with more methodical, logical pacing and steeper challenge.

I'm not always enamored by this title. Its extremely slow pacing and puzzle-like structure, its tiny, rustic graphics that hardly scream "16-bit," can be a real turn-off at times. But I also respect Sega's endless innovation. They always veer left when the rest of the videogame industry zags right. They've always been brilliant at that sort of thing. Just look at the Saturn and Dreamcast as proof. And if such originality fails to click with the broader public, well, whose fault is that? Nobody pointed a gun at your head and forced you to buy _Call of Duty 13_ , _Halo 12, Tomb Raider 11_ , _Grand Theft Auto 15_ and _Madden NFL 25_. That's on you.

### Ghouls 'N Ghosts

Sega for Genesis

Action

1989

Rating: 10/10

#### I.

The winner and still champion: _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ on the Sega Genesis. I remember when the young _Electronic Gaming Monthly_ heavily promoted this game with its fourth issue. Steve Harris, the founder, boasted in no small way that this was the greatest home videogame of all time. Of all time! Okay, he was prone to hyperbole in those days. But he and his _EGM_ writing staff had their fingers on the pulse of gaming. They knew their stuff.

If I remember correctly, this was the videogame that convinced me to buy a Genesis. I scoured the classified ads in the local newspaper, found an older kid with a Genesis that he wanted to sell. I picked up the system, a controller, the instruction manual, and a copy of _Altered Beast_ , the pack-in game. It wasn't a very good game, Purely average, but it featured large characters, digitized speech samples, and two-player action. Besides, it was free and came in the box, so you spent an hour playing with your brother and dreaming of the real videogame hits that made this new Sega system shine.

_Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ was just such a title. Sega had established a unique partnership with Capcom early on, and it resulted in some of the best of the early Genesis games. Capcom would license their arcade hits, ones that were not available on the NES, and Sega would develop and produce. From this partnership, gamers were blessed with _Forgotten Worlds_ , _Strider_ , _Mercs_ , _Street Fighter 2: Special Champion Edition_ , _Final Fight CD_ (on Sega CD), and, of course, this one.

Younger readers need to understand something very important. When Nintendo ruled the roost during the NES era, they ran the place like tyrants. They dictated all the terms for software development, and bullied everyone into submission. For third-party publishers, the demands were strict and uncompromising: no software titles on the NES could appear on any rival system; developers could only release five titles per year; everything was subject to Nintendo's approval (for censorship of any controversial content). This was a draconian system designed to leverage Nintendo's position, prevent another software glut that crashed the videogame industry in 1983, and freeze out any potential rivals.

This aggressive strategy proved successful against the Sega Master System and Atari 7800 (the Atari 2600 Jr. enjoyed semi-retirement in its happy place), and would prove crippling to NEC/Hudson Soft's Turbografx-16. Sega, however, learned their lesson from the Master System era, and entered the 16-bit generation wiser and more prepared. Nintendo's licensing contracts forbid the same game from appearing on another platform; but it did not exclude alternate versions, sequels or spinoffs. This was Sega's loophole to exploit.

Capcom, likewise, was no doubt looking to expand their horizons. Perhaps they even knew that Nintendo's reign was bound to end, that the videogame market was expanding too rapidly to be contained by one player. Perhaps the more advanced 16-bit technology in the arcades was too far beyond the abilities of the aging NES. Whatever the reason, Capcom's arcade titles started to appear on the Sega Genesis in 1989.

When _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ appeared in the fall of 1989, it gave Genesis a crucial advantage in the 16-bit console race, as well as one hell of a game. Poor Turbografx was crippled by Nintendo's policies, and its chief patron was Hudson; they were a quality player, but they were not on gaming's A-list, and had little to no presence at the arcades. The Genesis quickly became the place to turn for your arcade thrills.

Good Lord, how I miss the arcades. This business is so much poorer without them, it's uncanny.

#### II.

Anyway, that's the history lesson. What does this mean for you in the new century? It means you get a classic home version of a classic video arcade game. You get one heck of a challenging action-platformer, one that will shake your confidence and test your reflexes like nothing you've seen before. This game will knock your teeth out; and when you've thought you had reached the end, you'll be asked to complete the whole journey a second time. Those brave souls able to carry the full distance will be rewarded with one of the greatest final boss battles of all time.

This remains my favorite entry in Capcom's _Ghosts 'N Goblins_ series, mainly because it's the only time you can throw your weapons up and down (instead of merely sideways), but also because of its brilliant level design that remains varied and challenging without ever becoming kitschy or dull. That's a tough needle to thread. But this was Capcom at the peak of their arcade skills, and the days when they had the entire platform genre mastered. Good heavens, they were only at _Mega Man 2_ at this point in time. The horrible sequel curse hadn't afflicted them yet.

_Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ on Genesis is a stellar translation of the hit arcade, close enough for critics of the day to proclaim it "arcade perfect." This is a touch of hyperbole, of course; keen eyes can spot numerous, if relatively minor, differences between the home and arcade versions, details in the trees and backgrounds and such. But the graphics are more or less spot on, the level designs identical, the boss fights the same, the audio a close copy. In a decade where "arcade translation" meant a very different videogame, in graphics and gameplay (there are countless examples on the NES and Atari platforms), Sega's new 16-bit system was coming frightfully close to that ancient promise: "bring the arcades home."

I think one of this game's greatest strengths is its level design. More than merely walking down a straight path with a repetitive set of obstacles, Arthur must travel across rolling hills, city ruins, large mountains, collapsing bridges, glimmering caverns, haunted castles. Capcom was learning the art of crafting set-pieces, action scenes that stand on their own. Videogames were beginning to incorporate narrative into its structure. You can see this design throughout _Ghouls 'N Ghosts,_ _Final Fight_ , and especially _Strider_ , which is entirely composed of self-contained set-pieces.

It's interesting how Capcom pays homage to videogame history. The first level features a climb up a series of ramps and ladders, much like _Donkey Kong_. In the third level (my personal favorite), green bats swoop and dive from above, just like the aliens of _Galaxian_. And the many hidden treasure chests (revealed only by walking or leaping from a specific location) point back to the mother of hidden videogame secrets, _Super Mario Bros_. The treasure chests may contain new weapons, a suit of golden armor that unleashes special attacks, or an angry wizard who temporarily turns you into an old man or a duck (the bow tie is a nice touch). All of these elements, the variety and homages, the mashups of Medieval mythologies, enrich Arthur's world. Your quest feels less like a challenging obstacle course — which is what most arcade videogames really are — and more like a Hero's Journey.

Finally, one cannot discuss _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ without mentioning the unforgettable music. Often lyrical and playful, sometimes ominous, sometimes wondrous, its Medieval and theatrical motifs elevate this game world into true art. Yes, I know, that's a hack cliche thing to say, but it's also true. The Genesis' Yamaha sound chip is remarkably similar to Capcom's arcade board, and their respective musical composers seem to share a similar mindset, a love of exploring the (then) new stereo soundscapes, and rich musical tapestries of FM synth tech. Here is a soundtrack that truly shows off the Sega Genesis. Why so many Western developers struggled with poor audio (giving the system a very undeserved reputation) will forever remain a mystery to me.

I bought _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ sometime in October, 1989, and was so happy that I had something besides _Altered Beast_ to play (not counting rentals, of course). It was autumn, the air was colder, the leaves were falling from the trees, the nights were growing longer and darker. I think, because of this, I always associate my memories of this videogame with that season; it has always felt "autumnal" to me. You can practically smell the pumpkin spice among the tombstones. It's enough to make you want to sit in a pumpkin patch and drink lattes with the skeletons.

### Golden Axe

Sega for Genesis

Fighting

1989

Rating: 7/10

_Golden Axe_ was Sega's answer to Technos' _Double Dragon_ , the arcade blockbuster that built upon the foundation of Irem's _Kung-Fu Master_ , establishing the genre of martial arts beat-em-ups that dominated arcades for years. It was a large success and remains one of Sega's most beloved series. It spawned a number of sequels in the arcades and on the Genesis, all of which are very good, as well as a number of attempted revivals on later systems which were, sadly, less fortunate. Today, the series remains beloved but stuck in limbo.

In 1989, Sega released the title for the launch of the Genesis, where it proved a crucial asset in the 16-bit battle against the Turbografx-16. For the early adopters, _Golden Axe_ proved one of the system's strongest titles: an excellent conversion of the arcade hit, a 16-bit graphics showcase to wow your NES friends, and two-player action in an age when multiplayer videogames were all too rare. In my better moods, I have warm and nostalgic feelings for this title. It has aged very nicely.

I think Sega was very smart to give their beat-em-up a unique style, avoiding the urban landscapes of _Double Dragon_ , _Renegade_ and _Final Fight_ , where the genre has been hopelessly stuck since the genre began. _Golden Axe_ occupies its own little space, filling it out with colorful characters, vivid landscapes, dashing heroes and ominous villains. Even the panicking villagers are a nice touch.

I always get a kick out of the little blue elves, who wander into the fighting now and then, quickly becoming a punching bag for power-ups. In between stages, they try to steal your magic bottles as payback for all your beatdowns, get caught in the act, and then get beat down some more. Why am I bullying this little guy? Who cares! Gimmie yer lunch money, nerd! O'Doyle Rules!

As for the gameplay, what is there to say? This game is a side-scrolling beat-em-up. You walk up to some mean-looking villain, mash the buttons for a while, and watch your fabulously fit bodybuilder or swimsuit model beat the stuffing outta him. Then you move on to the next baddie. Rinse, repeat. Occasionally, you find a mutant animal or dragon to ride, adding extra firepower to your offense (but making you an easier target). And you can accumulate magic bottles for a devastating full-screen meteorite strike, lightning blitz or dragonfire. The bad guys are predictable and cheap, bosses are tough and resilient, and they'll gang up on you fairly easily. But, at the end of the day, it's the same basic slash, kick, rinse, repeat.

The Sega Genesis does an excellent job of translating _Golden Axe_ from the arcade, especially considering it's a first-wave software title on a meager four-megabit (512k) budget. Many corners were cut, such as in-between animation frames and background details, but this is standard issue. The poor, humble NES couldn't even come this close to the arcades, and it demonstrated how the 16-bit generation was poised to finally fulfill that age-old promise: Bring the Arcades Home. In 1989, this was pretty damn impressive and a harbinger of better things to come.

If I have any complaints about the original _Golden Axe_ , it's that the pacing is a bit slow, the animations slightly sluggish. It doesn't have that immediacy of _Double Dragon_ or _Final Fight_ or _Streets of Rage_. Sega's two Genesis sequels will improve upon that, while keeping the original formula mostly intact. I'm a great champion of the third title, which feels more tactical, more like a tournament fighting game. But I'm in the minority there; your mileage may vary.

For every era, there are a certain number of titles that everybody owns. Back in the '90s, you could always find the same CDs in everybody's library: REM's _Monster_ , Pearl Jam's _Vs_ , Nirvana's _In Utero_ , Stone Temple Pilots' _Purple_ , Soundgarden's _Superunknown_. These were the standards of the day. _Golden Axe_ on the Sega Genesis is one of those reliable standards. It's just everywhere, everybody has one, and if you don't see it among your friend's collection, you begin to wonder what's wrong with them. Next thing you know, they'll become afflicted with chicken pox or boy bands.

### Golden Axe 3

Sega for Genesis (Mega Drive)

Fighting

1993

Rating: 8/10

Hmm....I still don't have any idea what to say about this game, even with an extra day or two of playing to assemble some thoughts together. Let's just jump into the mosh pit and see what breaks, shall we?

_Golden Axe 3_ : the third and final installment on the Sega Mega Drive, which failed to make its way out of Japan. It became one of the great "lost" Sega games to the rest of us in the West. We were assured by the powers that be — namely, the nerds in charge of the prozines and the suits at Sega themselves — that we weren't missing a thing, that the game was really a bust. They were wrong, dead wrong. They were probably jealous, too, jealous of missing out.

Perhaps everyone was completely burned out at that time, burned out on the endless assault of scrolling beat-em-ups like _Double Dragon_ and _Final Fight_ and _Streets of Rage_ and a thousand other faceless photocopies. Certainly by 1993 you had your button-mashing kung-fu fix.

Here's how this videogame genre works. You play a character, usually some sort of steroid freak, or an even bigger steroid freak, or some hot chick who can fight while barely dressed. You walk down a city street, find some goon, let's call him Lenny. You're always on a first-name basis with these guys, which is helpful because you're going to be fighting them at least five hundred times over the course of the game. The street gangs they belong to are very small, only a handful of members. They all have to shuffle in and out to present the illusion that they're much bigger than they are. Sometimes they'll even change colors to trip you up. Look out, Bigger Steroid Dude! Lenny is back, and this time he's painted blue! And now he's green, or charcoal, or is that mauve? What the heck is "mauve," anyway?

So you see Lenny, then proceed to punch and kick him into traction, by complex use of the attack button. It goes like this. You mash the attack buttons, then mash them again. Then maybe twice more for good measure. Whew, that was hard! Right up there with quantum mechanics. Max Planck would have his hands full with any one of these games.

Which brings us back to Sega's old _Golden Axe_ series. The first installment was an arcade hit, one of those games designed to steal your quarters every couple of minutes. It was a pretty good way to spend your time and money before you discovered girls. It was also helpful when those girls wouldn't discover you back. Great stress reliever. Hmm, now that I think about it, this probably is the whole reason for the martial-arts fighting game to exist. Better to take that frustration out on the bad guys in _Golden Axe_. Also, you get to look at a hot girl's butt, which is more than you're gonna see in real life as long as you're in high school, kid. Just deal with it.

The arcade game was an early release for the Sega Genesis, and a standout success, thanks to its large characters and detailed graphics. A sequel arrived in the arcades, but nobody bothered to pay any attention to it. You're better off ignoring that one, too. It wasn't worth much. You got to play as a scrawny little kid with bad hair. I didn't need to role-play that part. I already was a scrawny little kid with bad hair. Just look at my yearbook.

A home sequel, _Golden Axe 2_ , arrived on the Genesis as an exclusive. Either everybody noticed that it was essentially the exact same game as before, or nobody noticed. Either way it didn't matter. It was a good game and another quality time-waster; it didn't have an original thought in its pretty little head, but it was faster and more responsive than the slightly-sluggish original.

A year or two passed and _Golden Axe 3_ finally arrived for the Mega Drive in Japan. By then, the series had been lapped several times by the _Streets of Rage_ series, as well as the tournament fighters that followed _Street Fighter 2_. The whole notion of Governor Arnold hack-and-slash seemed passe, out of date, worn out. But, to be fair, we were all tired of the whole ball of wax by '93. For one thing, we were finally out of high school and into college. And secondly, and more importantly, we were all getting steady dates. So no more needless frustration to vent.

It probably required some space of years to put between ourselves and the Genesis, to forget about most of those cheap, pointless brawlers, and also to finally appreciate the good ones. _Golden Axe 3_ got a bad rap. It really is one of the good ones.

In fact, it might even be the best of the three titles. That's despite its best efforts to ruin itself: the cartridge was strapped with a tiny memory space, four megabits, or 512K, while most top-priority Sega titles were allocated many times more. That's closer to the size of the earlier Genesis games like _Revenge of Shinobi_ or _Last Battle_ or _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ or _Thunder Force 2_. Standard Genesis games in this period hovered between 16 and 32 megabits. Those sizes were necessary to keep up with the competition, and push the technical envelope.

_Golden Axe 3_ appears scraggy and grungy. It is also rather impressive with its graphics. The visual style is closer to the late-NES period with heavy use of tiles and rough patterns. It makes for some impressive environments, through underground caves, across towering mountains, and through villages and castles. You'll even encounter a pirate ship sailing on the open seas, and a giant soaring eagle in the sky. This game possesses a quality that is revealed slowly, over time. You have to battle your way across much of the countryside to seriously appreciate it all. If this were released in, say, 1990, it would have been hailed as a triumph.

One thing that always bothered me about _Golden Axe_ , more than most other brawlers, was its slow, lethargic pace. This slower action carried well in the arcades, because the game's rhythm relied greatly upon smooth animation. The Genesis port was forced to cut some of the in-between movements out, and the result was something a little choppier and sluggish. _Golden Axe 2_ worked to fix this, but it was still bound by that feel. Sega probably thought that slow half-step-behind pacing was part of the charm. I have no idea what they were thinking.

For _Golden Axe 3_ , the influence of the tournament fighters was far more evident. Like _Bare Knuckle 3_ (the less said of Sega of America's sorry hack-up of _Streets of Rage 3_ said, the better), the cast of characters was empowered with a far larger array of moves. It was always a pretty basic fighter, but now the offense really opens up. There are different canned combos depending on your distance to your opponent, and the special magic attacks — _Golden Axe's_ great iconic landmark — are bigger and meaner than ever. Somehow, Sega snuck in some desperately-needed special effects for this part, especially Axe Battler's whirlwind and Tyrus' flames. Two players can team up and combine their magic, which is really clever. It's a fun way to get you to mix and match all four of the fighters around, just to see all the cool moves.

I think this title owes a debt to _Virtua Fighter_. Wouldn't even be surprised if members of Sega's _VF_ team were involved in the production. The movements are precise, very demanding, almost obsessive; which is exactly how the first _Virtua Fighter_ played. The idea is to keep your joystick or joypad neutral, and then move for specific attacks, instead of merely marching forward and mashing the "B" button.

You shouldn't be surprised to see that your fighters can block attacks, and that this is an essential skill. You really won't get very far with the old attack-attack-attack approach. Each confrontation is a challenge, a real fight for once. Some bouts against two or three enemies — the skeletons are the worst, but don't count out those knights — can slog on and on. It's more like one of the old Ali-Frazier matchups than a typical video fighting game. I think this is also a key reason why I like this _Golden Axe_ the best. It's the most challenging. It's an expert's game, a thinking game.

There are a number of multiple pathways you can follow, which allows multiple playthroughs without repeating the same terrain. There are sometimes even multiple paths in the same town, or different sets of stairs on the boat. Occasionally you'll even find hostages who can be rescued, which is a nice touch. It all adds to the atmosphere, of which this game has in spades. You'll never play the same adventure twice.

Many critics tend to think of Virtual Console as a throwaway, a retirement home for old videogames that aren't worth more than a few minutes' time, and then only for nostalgia. We've already seen many examples that prove this idea wrong. Gamers want their hobby to be taken seriously, to be declared "art." Well, kids, there's no art without history, and as long as videogames are treated as instantly-disposable commodities, you'll get no respect. Know thy history and know thyself.

There, I'm done! If anybody needs me, I'll be in the den listening to Jimi Hendrix on the turntable.

### Gunstar Heroes

Treasure for Sega Genesis

Action

1993

Rating: 10/10

_Gunstar Heroes_ is just about the best videogame ever made for the Sega Genesis. It certainly symbolized everything that made Genesis so cool: terrific music, speed, innovation, and style, style, style. There is more panache and clever ideas crammed into this title than in many consoles' entire libraries, and I'm sure that sounds like some cheesy cliché, but this time it's very true. _Gunstar_ is the rightful heir to _Contra_ , the greatest of all the run-and-gun shooters, filtered through 1990s pop culture, Japanese anime, channel surfing, and way too many explosions.

Here is a videogame where you face off against a giant bouncing cell with an enormous happy face. Here is a game where you venture through a giant dice maze. Here is a game where a villain, trapped on a burning train, hurls his own soldiers at you. In one of the early levels, you battle against suicide bombers, soldiers who set fire to houses, killer bees, flying drones, thugs who grab you from behind, and a creature, made entirely out of boxes, who attacks with the dragon punches and foot sweeps from _Street Fighter 2_.

That crazy sense of humor has since become a trademark quality of the game's developer, a small Japanese studio named Treasure. The developers originally hailed from Konami during the 8- and 16-bit eras, and a number of them worked on many classics, although exactly which ones remain clouded in mystery. It's commonly believed that they were responsible for _Castlevania 4_ and _Contra 3_ on the Super Nintendo ( _Gunstar's_ first level is something of a homage to _Contra 3_ ), and possibly _Bucky O'Hare_ in the arcades. I've heard assertions that some of these developers even worked on the original _Castlevania_ and _Contra_ , but I'm a little more skeptical. It's all a part of the legend, I suppose.

In any case, these folks grew unhappy with having to churn out sequels and brand-name tie-ins. They wanted to break out and pursue their own original ideas. They wanted something new. So this small collection of programmers and artists left Konami and founded Treasure. They immediately set to work, churning out a number of games on Genesis; _Gunstar Heroes_ was their first title.

Treasure immediately made an impact on the industry; with their first game, they demonstrated a technical brilliance and mastery of the Genesis. Truly Konami let some of their best talent slip out the door. Treasure also built up a fiercely loyal fan following, from fanzines (like mine) to magazines like _Diehard Gamefan_. To this day, you aren't really considered a hardcore gamer if you don't passionately love Treasure's games.

_Gunstar Heroes_ is just one of those great "kitchen sink" moments when a group of creative people are finally given the freedom to do everything they've ever wanted. How else can one explain the sheer diversity present from start to finish? Notice, first, your choice of two main characters. In addition to firing guns, you can also throw enemies, jump kick, body dive, slide, hang from ceilings, or even block. Your choice of weapons is determined by collecting various power-up icons, and then combining them into new weapons. Want a flamethrower? How about a laser gun or a lightsaber? Would a homing beam be more to your style, or would you prefer streams of red bullets?

The best videogames allow for at least some improvisation, and _Gunstar's_ many options brought a wonderful freshness to the genre. It's great to catch soldiers sleeping on the job, or running away in a panic; it gives them a goofy sense of character, instead of merely being an endless line of moving targets. The main bosses are the best example of this. One of the bosses is a dead ringer for M. Bison (again with the _Street Fighter_ riffs); weirder, one looks exactly like Jesse Ventura, Minnesota's infamous wrestler-turned-governor. Or maybe he's supposed to be the General from the movie _Akira_ (who, for all we know, was himself a parody of Ventura's character from the movie _Predator_ ).

Did I mention the boss named Melon Bread, which is basically a smiley face that just sits there? How about Rice and Curry, the name of a monster made entirely out of brown rice balls? The "smash-the-vehicle" bonus stage with a hapless soldier trapped inside? This is a videogame that almost parodies itself.

Treasure pulled out some truly fantastic effects, arguably the finest of the 16-bit era. Even today, in our age of hyper-powered videogame consoles, it's hard to think of a game with as much visual jazz and pop. Large characters twist, bend, and warp with ease. Backgrounds wiggle and fade into the distance. One main character, a defector from your team, rides a vehicle that morphs into a spaceship, a robot, a buzzsaw, and a gun; all superbly animated. And everywhere there are explosions, explosions, explosions. Hardly a second ever goes by without something blowing up.

The one great tragedy of _Gunstar_ is that, outside the fan base, it came and went without a peep. Why did most Genesis owners never see this title? What marketing genius decided to pack the cartridge with Fruit Roll-Ups? Who passed up the original Japanese box art for the lousy American version? What the heck was Sega thinking? I remember that all of this was happening while they were busy pushing the Sega CD and 32X, and just before the Saturn arrived. It's funny now to realize just how lost and adrift the company was at that time. You'd think the executives were deliberately trying to tank the company (and, at least where Japan was concerned, they were).

Sometimes it can't be helped. _Herzog Zwei_ was forgotten by Sega in its time, too. Videogame fans, real gamers, always knew the score, and _Gunstar Heroes_ is as good as they come. What a wonderful, thrilling, crazy game.

### Landstalker: The Treasures of King Nole

Climax Entertainment for Genesis

Adventure

1993

Rating: 9/10

For many gamers, this is the clear winner for the week. _Landstalker_ was a real standout on the Genesis fifteen-plus years ago. It gave the console a much-needed adventure title similar to _The Legend of Zelda_ , yet different and irreverent enough to really fit in with Sega's cool, rebellious image. It was a win-win for everyone.

_Landstalker_ features the exploits of a treasure hunter named Nigel, who is shown in a series of daring escapades at the beginning, dashing through complex underground caverns, jumping across impossible chasms, riding on a raft over a deadly waterfall, riding on the back of a giant eagle. He has just returned from a quest to retrieve a rare object when he rescues a spirited fairy on the run. She claims to hold the secret to legendary King Nole's lost treasure, and there are many parties eager to get their hands on that knowledge. And so begins our adventure.

The game is an action-RPG that is presented in an angled, isometric angle. Your character moves in diagonals over three-dimensional landscapes, visiting numerous villages, interacting with various locals, exploring valleys, forest and mountains, and spelunking through complex underground dungeons. Comparisons to Nintendo's 1986 groundbreaking _Legend of Zelda_ are inevitable — _Zelda_ , after all, more or less invented the action-RPG genre — but _Landstalker_ only bears a slight resemblance. In its structure and tone, Sega's adventure is very different. There is a much greater emphasis on action, particularly the underground caverns and temples, which are laid out in 3D puzzles that become increasingly complex as the game progresses. I can name several videogames that share a closer kinship: _Marble Madness_ in the arcades, _Spindizzy_ on the home computers, _Solstice_ on the NES.

I really love the look of this game. Graphics are finely detailed, yet drawn with a slightly grungy, muted color palette. There is an earthy look to everything; you can feel the dirt under your fingertips. This is a world sorely in need of sustained rain. It fits the Genesis, and feels more grounded than the overly glossy and cartoonish Super NES adventures. I enjoy the subtlety of the color scheme. I especially enjoy the character designs, which remind us so vividly of the _Shining_ series. Instead of yet another wave of doe-eyed anime dolls, we have well-proportioned woodland creatures, surreal walking mushrooms, mean-spirited orcs. Your main character Nigel has meat on his bones, clomps around in large boots, animates very smoothly.

Climax Entertainment arrived in the 16-bit generation as collaborators with Sega's CD4 division (later renamed Sonic Software Planning), where they created the Genesis RPG classics _Shining in the Darkness_ and _Shining Force_. Although never considered a direct sequel, _Landstalker_ is considered a cousin to those beloved series (years later, Climax would pay homage on their Dreamcast RPG _Time Stalkers_ ). Sonic Planning would continue to manage the _Shining_ series on Genesis, Game Gear and Saturn, finishing with the _Shining Force III_ trilogy. The studio also developed several titles for the Playstation, including the popular _Hot Shots Golf_ , before finally declaring their independence from Sega, changing their name to Camelot, and teaming up with Nintendo to create _Mario Golf_ (a rebranded _Hot Shots Golf_ ), _Mario Tennis_ and _Golden Sun_.

_Landstalker_ is widely regarded as a Sega Genesis classic. _Retro Sanctuary_ ranked it fifth in their list of the 100 great Genesis games. _Mega Magazine_ also named it the fifth best Mega Drive game of all time. _Diehard Gamefan_ awarded it Best Action-RPG and Most Innovative New Game for 1993. Most of the videogame magazines of the day gave out similar awards and accolades.

My own opinion of _Landstalker_ has varied wildly over the years. In 1993, I enjoyed it greatly, respected it for its unique take on the genre, was enchanted by the characters and story, but was often frustrated by the game's isometric view, and its dungeons which heavily emphasized puzzles and complex platform jumping. Years later, I revisited the game for its release on Nintendo's Virtual Console. The frustration over the diagonals and puzzles gradually wore me down this second time, ground down my good will and patience. For whatever reasons, I couldn't get far enough to appreciate its good moments. The lack of shadows is, without question, the game's most glaring weakness, as it makes 3D movement needlessly difficult at times.

Today, I returned for a third playthrough for this _Zen Arcade_ volume. I felt a little apprehensive, but hopeful. This time, I now appreciate the inventiveness and invention to what is often a stale RPG genre. I enjoy the earthen color tones, the fuzzy animal characters, the clever writing. And the controls worked this time; I haven't struggled or fumbled around. The isometric design reveals many clever ideas in its layouts, in how it hides its secrets, in how it fuses puzzle and action and adventure. Yes, the difficulty curve is there. Your first excursion through a cave system is fairly easy, but you will eventually become overwhelmed. The final dungeon is an especially nasty challenge that will tax all but the most diehard of expert players.

This is a videogame you want to champion. You want to sing its praises, hold it up as a standard against the tired, burned-out ideas of today's videogame industry. Nintendo's _Legend of Zelda_ series has been completely run into the ground, buried under the weight of too many gimmicks and too many simplistic puzzles. And nobody even tries anything novel or new, preferring to slavishly rehash now-ancient formulas and exhausted cliches. I miss the days of good adventure games. I miss Climax. I miss Sega. Don't you? Of course you do.

### Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi

Sega for Genesis

Action

1990

Rating: 7/10

_Shadow Dancer_ is a very solid and very well made action game for the Sega Genesis. Its only mistake was arriving after a genuine masterpiece called _The Revenge of Shinobi_ , and before another masterpiece called _Shinobi 3: Revenge of the Ninja Master_. That's like your band taking to the stage after Jimi Hendrix and before Led Zeppelin. It just ain't gonna happen, and everybody knows it.

Anyway, I'm getting distracted. And that's really the larger issue here. _Shadow Dancer_ is the short kid in the family, the one who's always picked last, the one who's always overlooked. This isn't entirely unearned. After all, the game is a fairly conventional and fairly short (only five levels) action game. It's the one sequel in the series that plays like the original arcade _Shinobi_ , but it feels safe, unambitious. The designers took no risks or pushed no boundaries; they created a very playable, very solid Genesis game, and nothing more. But its predecessor was a genre-defining classic, one that raised the bar for action videogames. "Solid" no longer cuts the mustard.

I think that's a very fair assessment. _Shadow Dancer_ is a very good game. It has some really impressive moments, like that climb up the Statue of Liberty in stage three, and those rolling flames in the background in stage one. The dog is a fine companion, and he helps dispatch the bad guys nicely. I especially enjoyed the option to turn off the throwing stars, which makes the game more tactical, more stealthy. Having unlimited throwing stars is like handing Shinobi a gun. Take them away, and, well, he gets all ninja on your hide. It's more fun to play that way.

I really wish this game was longer. I really wish the ninja magic was more impressive. I really wish the cartridge was more than four megabits. _Shadow Dancer_ was released less than one year after _Revenge of Shinobi_ , and shortly after _Strider_ had broken the eight-megabit barrier. The graphics should have been better. The music should have been more memorable. There should have been more and better action set-pieces. Moreover, I just wish there was more game. Is that a praise or a critique? Both, actually. This is a solid example of the kind of action games Sega could churn out easily on the Genesis. These were the system's bread and butter, like shoot-em-ups on the Turbografx and role-playing games on the Super NES.

Despite any grouchy complaints, _Shadow Dancer_ is a very good videogame, so it wins my endorsement. The cover illustration is terrific and poster-worthy, I'll give it that. But be sure to pick up the other Genesis _Shinobi_ titles first, okay? Good.

### Shining in the Darkness

Climax and Sonic Software Planning for Genesis

Adventure

1991

Rating: 8/10

Dungeon-crawling videogames were nothing new back in the day. They were pretty much the standard form of Adventure-RPGs on 1980s home computers, while the Japanese adopted a more iconic, narrative-driven anime and manga style. We Americans got endless trips through darkened corridors against skeletons and wizards armed with ten-sided dice. Japanese kids got _The Legend of Zelda_ and _Final Fantasy_ and _Dragon Quest_.

Funny, then, that the traditional Western role-playing game has all but disappeared. As for Japanese adventure games, _Panzer Dragoon Saga_ still feels like the last great innovator for me, the genre's final brush with genius. I follow contemporary RPGs when I can, although their numbers have greatly diminished in recent years. What remains, however, often feels stale and tired, completely run out of ideas: a small group of anime teenagers, out to save the world from some mysterious blah-blah, Tolkien blah-blah, Magic blah-blah, heroes lined up in a straight line for random battles, blah. Taking turns lurching at green puddles of slime, blah. It's all so depressingly blah.

So perhaps I'm more lenient when I see _Shining in the Darkness_ on Sega Genesis. This is a real novelty. Heck, it was already a novelty when it arrived on the Genesis over twenty years ago, already stood out from the creatively stifled pack. And it's really good, a genuine classic if you're a fan of fantasy role-playing games.

Here's a point of reference: there was a dungeon crawler on the Turbografx-16 called _Double Dungeons_. It is also available now on the Virtual Console. It is terrible. It's boring and it hurts my brain to think about it. It may as well have been released on the Texas Instruments TI-99. _Shining in the Darkness_ beats it almost blindfolded. You could probably turn your back to the television and still know which is the better game. The contest isn't even close.

What _Shining in the Darkness_ does is meld the classic dungeon crawler to the "modern" Japanese RPG, with an involved storyline, cities and taverns to visit, and icon-based graphics. The icon system is a stroke of brilliance, distilling the controls into a series of simple graphic icons. There was probably one eye towards computers like the Apple Macintosh and the Commodore Amiga, another eye on Sega's own _Phantasy Star 3_ , which was released to a very mixed reception.

The graphics are excellent, vibrant with a rich, autumnal color palette. The dungeons look terrific, are well lit, scale smoothly. There's a vast assortment of monsters large and small, pushovers and terrifying alike; the boss battles are among the best ever seen in videogame RPGs. And the character designs are outstanding, a key Climax trademark.

Climax Entertainment was a small development studio from Japan, and this was their first release. They deferred the temptation to run the formula into the ground, and this remains something I greatly respect them for. Along with partners Sonic Software Planning, they continued to push the _Shining_ series into completely different directions, always innovating, always reaching and stretching themselves. In 1992, they released the strategy classic _Shining Force_ , the isometric-angled adventure _Landstalker_ , and its quasi-sequels _Lady Stalker_ for Super NES and _Dark Savior_ for Saturn.

As for Sonic Planning, they would continue to support Sega with the Shining Force series, and eventually break away under a new name, Camelot, where they crafted a number of beloved classic videogames for Nintendo. _Golden Sun_ , their RPG series for Gameboy Advance, used the same icon system pioneered by _Shining in the Darkness_.

Like many peers of the 16-bit era, Climax struggled with the move into polygons, and never really survived past the Dreamcast era, despite their cult success with monster-themed games _Blue Stinger_ and _Illbleed_. Their most inspired moments came from those early _Shining_ titles on the Genesis. Sega carried the _Shining_ name for many years, and all of the various installments remained flagship titles for role-playing videogames.

So much for the history lesson. I'm a fan of these small, creative design teams. Many of the best videogames came from groups like Climax and Sonic Planning. Their style belongs to the past, as "videogames" have become too big, too bloated, too expensive. Too _Hollywood_. You could never create a _Shining in the Darkness_ or a _Shining Force_ with a staff of 200 people under constant pressure to justify an astronomical $50-$100 million budget. It just can't be done. There ain't no way.

### Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master

Sega, for Genesis

Action

1993

Rating: 9/10

_Shinobi_ is one of Sega's most celebrated heroes. The arcade original was a smashing success, building upon the foundation of Namco's _Rolling Thunder_ (an early example of the long-running Sega/Namco rivalry), and adding in a ninja theme. Most of the home versions were pretty weak by comparison, but you didn't mind too terribly as long as there was a _Shinobi_ coin-op down at the local Kwik-E-Mart or video arcade.

For the Genesis, Sega turned to its ninja master with one of the greatest videogame sequels ever made, _The Revenge of Shinobi_. That game was arguably the first killer app on the Genesis (although some would name _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ ), and stands today as a masterpiece of the action-platform style. Another arcade sequel appeared, dubbed _Shadow Dancer_ , but neither it nor the Genesis port (which was an almost entirely different game) managed to reach that earlier peak. So Sega turned back to their roots once more as the Genesis was winding down.

The result is _Super Shinobi 2_ , or known in the West as _Shinobi 3: Return of the Ninja Master_. In both cases, the title makes it clear that this is the follow-up to _Revenge of Shinobi_ , and that's plainly obvious at the very start. Thankfully, Sega creates a masterful sequel that builds upon the gameplay conceits of the original Genesis classic, offering a brilliant example of gameplay and design, and pushing the console's graphics powers to their limit.

I think these two titles were the only time anyone came close to matching the brilliance Tecmo achieved with _Ninja Gaiden_ on the NES. Amazing, then, that with so many ninja games in the early 1990s, nobody could reach that high peak. No one except Sega.

One thing _Shinobi 3_ has in spades is a sense of speed. It's a much faster game. Joe Musashi, the series hero, has a variety of new moves, including a sprint dash, the ability to climb on ceilings, and an assortment of attacks, both with his sword and his shurikens. The exciting thing is that it's equally fun to play both ways; in fact, I really wish there were an option to remove shurikens from the game entirely, and just go it with sword slashes and kicks.

Level design, likewise, throws out all the stops. Playing through this game is like taking a sightseeing tour of the Genesis' finest moments. You have assaults through the forest, stealth missions through underground caves, an attack on a military base, a vertical climb over falling rocks in a valley, one chase on horseback, another chase on surfboard....yadda yadda. Add in a series of challenging, thrilling boss battles that show off every visual effect mastered by Genesis, and you have a platformer almost without peer.

If you asked me which _Shinobi_ title was the better one, I don't know what I'd choose. Most probably I'd still go with _Revenge of Shinobi_ , if just because of its immense impact on the early Genesis scene, and its towering stature at the time. _Shinobi 3_ is more of a 1993 refinement of that standard, albeit with all the bells and whistles you can ask for. Oh, and there is the music. Yuzo Koshiro's music for _Revenge_ is among the finest you'll ever hear. _Shinobi 3's_ music is great, but standard action fare, and lacking the killer hip-hop stylings of Koshiro's score.

Sadly, _Shinobi_ became another casualty of Sega's tragic fall at the close of the 16-bit era. The name was revived some years later as a 3D polygon series. But the Playstation 2 incarnation was a different beast entirely, and nowhere near as compelling. Like most 3D platformers, the tight structure and skillful design of the 2D sprite-graphics era is mostly lost. For these kind of fast-paced action games, you just can't beat the old school. Just give me a cool remake of _Shinobi III_ , please. That's all I ask.

### Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic Team for Genesis

1991

Rating: 10/10

_Sonic the Hedgehog_ belongs to that select group of videogames that is more famous for what it achieved than the the game itself. _Space Invaders_ , _Pac-Man_ , _Super Mario Brothers_ , _Tetris_ , _Street Fighter 2_ : these are the landmark titles that redefined the medium and influenced everything that followed.

I'm not too sure how to convey to younger readers just what it was like to discover _Sonic_ in that summer of 1991. It was the year when Seattle, college rock and hip-hop finally toppled manufactured pop and hair metal. It was the closing days of the Cold War, the closing days of South Africa apartheid, the closing days for the Reagan-Bush era. Not to get too political here, but '91 was a year of revolutionary change.

When _Sonic the Hedgehog_ arrived, it was a rush of fresh air. We were accustomed to _Super Mario_ and countless wannabes, but this was different. This was modern, flashy, new. Here was a videogame practically bursting at the seams, eager to prove itself. For anyone with a Genesis system, it was a dream come true, a validation for our early support of the system. We always knew Sega was capable of greatness. Now we had the payoffs.

Most gamers are familiar with the story of _Sonic_ , of how hardscrabble Sega, desperate to compete against Nintendo's impending steamroller into the 16-bit console market, pooled their best talent to create a mascot game that would embody their rebel spirit and enable Genesis to withstand the assault and hype of Super NES. They succeeded beyond their wildest expectations, with reverberations that would last years.

You've seen it in boxing once or twice, like when Muhammad Ali beat Sonny Liston. Those champs weren't defeated, they were ended. Their careers were over the moment their faces hit the canvas, immediately reduced to rubble, to irrelevance. Sega delivered that staggering blow to its rival. Sonic the Hedgehog destroyed Nintendo, finished them. At one moment, they were king of the hill, untouchable. Nintendo WAS videogames. The next moment, Sega walked away with half the videogame market. And as the fifth and sixth generations progressed (Nintendo 64 and GameCube), Sony slashed Nintendo's market share in half once again, to barely one-quarter the dedicated console market.

By 2004, Nintendo was all but finished, and the industry expectation was that they would soon join Sega by exiting the hardware console market. Fortunately, to everyone's great surprise, they mounted a miraculous comeback by returning to their 1980s arcade roots and technical innovations, creating the Nintendo DS and Wii systems, and meeting wild success. But old habits die hard, and for various reasons, Nintendo failed to hold their momentum and resumed their downward trajectory.

Nintendo today bides its time riding on the gas fumes of nostalgia, hoping the old fans will return for another Super Mario, another Zelda, another Metroid, another Smash Brothers, another Star Fox, another Kirby, another Fire Emblem, another Pikmin. But such franchise titles are few and far between, and the Nintendo 64, Gamecube, 3DS and Wii U systems have the accumulated dust to prove it.

Rumors of Nintendo's death are overrated (I hold great hope for the new Switch system), but there's no denying that all their troubles began with that blue hedgehog in the summer of '91. That's when the game got rough.

Anyway, it goes without saying that _Sonic_ is a great videogame. If you only gave me Green Hill Zone and discarded everything else, you would still have one of the great videogames. Its bold, abstract checkerboard patterns, its geometric trees and robot animals that resemble the computer animation of the day, its collapsing cliffs, roller coaster loops and shining rings, its endlessly catchy music that reminds you of _Saturday Night Fever_ and Prince. Everything just leaps out at you with excitement and wonder. These stages have that perfect mix of speed and mystery, of turns, tunnels, and buried surprises just off the visible page.

It's really in Green Hill that _Sonic the Hedgehog_ earns its mythology. This is where we're promised all the roller coaster thrills and bad attitude, and it delivers. The early levels in _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ , _Sonic CD_ and _Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ may have refined and perfected the formula, but this is where they stole all the ideas.

Now that said, I'm going to write something that really needs to be said: the rest of the game isn't quite as good. Sonic's other five worlds are varied and carry their own theme (volcanic temple, underwater ruins, futuristic city, construction site, industrial wasteland) and they're terrific fun. But that reckless speed that was promised at the beginning is almost entirely abandoned. Poor old Sonic is stuck in mid-tempo, or worse, left waiting around for something interesting to happen to him.

Why was this done? There was something of a creative tension between Sonic Team's two top talents. Naoto Oshima, who designed the characters, preferred intricate level structure, while Yuji Naka, the lead programmer, wanted the speed. You can see their inclinations play out as they were both given their own Sonic sequels: Oshima with _Sonic CD_ , Naka with _Sonic 2_ and _S3K_.

I've felt for many years that _Sonic CD_ and _Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ are both superior to the original, both uniquely embodying their creator's visions, but there's no denying the unifying appeal of that first discovery. The original _Sonic_ is like that great band album made before everyone splits up and pursues different solo careers.

With its triumphant release, _Sonic the Hedgehog_ quickly became the Sega Genesis system-seller, and spawned an endless stream of mascot-tinged platform games. For the rest of the 16-bit era, it seemed every software publisher had to have its own smart-alecky mascot. How many can you name? Here's a quick run: _Aero the Acrobat_. _Awesome 'Possum_. _Bubba and Stix_. _Bubsy the Bobcat_. _Chester Cheetah_. _Cool Spot_. _Dynamite Headdy_. _Earthworm Jim_. _James Pond_. _Mr. Nutz_. _Pulseman_. _Socket_. _Radical Rex_. _Ristar_. _Taz Mania_. _Tinhead_. _Treasureland Adventure_. _Vectorman_. _Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel_. Did I miss anyone?

That's only a partial list of mascot games that appeared on the Genesis. I haven't even begun on the Super NES, to say nothing of the consoles of future generations. Even today, we occasionally find videogame cartoon heroes who try to be "cool." Barry Steakfries and _Angry Birds_ are winking at me from my iPad as I write and revise this review.

The key word here is "try." None of them can still touch the original 1991 _Sonic_. True, like so many rock stars, the blue marvel collapsed under the weight of his own infamy, and has never recovered the glorious mojo of the Sega Genesis. He certainly hasn't been the same since the Dreamcast days. The same could be said of Sega. But I fondly remember the year of revolution, and pop my _Sonic the Hedgehog_ cartridge into my High Definition Graphics Genesis, and smile. "Genesis Does," indeed.

### Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Sonic Team and STI

Action

1992

Rating: 10/10

#### I.

_Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ is the most successful videogame ever released for the Sega Genesis, and one of the most successful games ever made. I don't think there is another title that is as well-loved or admired in the entire system's library, and chances are if someone you know has only played one Genesis cartridge, it's _Sonic 2_.

_The First Four Sonics_ — they deserved to be titled as a group, like the Four Marx Brothers — revolutionized 16-bit console games, and represented an artistic and commercial triumph for Sega. While it's true that all platform and adventure games owe their existence to _Super Mario Brothers_ , it's _Sonic_ that everyone steals from.

The irreverent lead characters, the loose and jazzy level designs, the bursting speed and energy; they all point back to the hedgehog. I find that a bit odd, since it's well over two decades later and game designers should have the horse sense to come up with some new ideas. But, still, you can't argue with greatness.

I can never make up my mind whether I enjoy this one or _Sonic CD_ more. Most of the time I give the slight edge to _Sonic CD_ , just because it has that mammoth, trippy anime-inspired quality to it. But if I just want a quick rush, I'll go for this one.

Isn't this really the most heated of all the Sonic debates? One game becomes one of the biggest blockbusters of all time, while the other one fades into legend. _Rubber Sou_ l or _Revolver_? _Are You Experienced_ or _Axis: Bold As Love_?

Why am I always making rock analogies with this series? Sonic the Hedgehog: the world's first videogame rock star.

#### II.

Here's what I take out of my experience from _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ : speed. It's an absolute rush. Even when I'm playing a quick game, darting around for ten minutes or so, the sheer kinetic energy is gripping. It's all so expressionist, like Jackson Pollock's paintings or Jimi's guitar.

Even if you just play for a moment, you're left with a spark — what a moment! _The First Four Sonics_ just zap out of your fingers.

This game is just bursting at the seams to prove itself. Sonic appear slightly taller, a little leaner, a lot faster. The worlds are far better suited to his movements, and still invite curiosity; like a child at the playground, you're eager to run back to the beginning of the course for another run, this time to take one of those other paths. Should we barrel through the lower waterfalls, or try to reach those upper islands?

No more standing around, patiently waiting for something to happen. No more getting stuck in traffic like the first time. This entire game is a never-ending collection of roller coasters.

It is in the second zone that _Sonic_ vertigo really kicks in. You know these moments. When he starts spinning down a slope, and just flies up, down, back around, through a half loop, and then dropped off three screens away. It's an extended run where you're just carried along, and it's all you can do to hang on.

And when it's all done, you fall into some tube and start off again. What a crazy kick to see the television barely catch up to the action! This is where the modern, three-dimensional _Sonics_ really fail. The basic camera is overhead, behind the shoulder. Anytime you run through a loop, the camera pans back. It takes you out of the action, and treats you like a distant spectator. I never could explain this change. Did Sonic Team lose its nerve? They already created the perfect three-dimensional Sonic game. It's called _NiGHTS Into Dreams_ , and the screen, just like Sonic, was always centered on the player-character.

Ah, well. Forget it. You can either worry about the present, or kick back for another turn through the Mystic Cave Zone.

#### III.

Having grown up with Batman & Robin, I've always found it strange how very few videogames feature a sidekick. The best thing Sonic Team ever did was give Sonic that plucky little fox, Tails. He's a great character, full of spark, unique in his own little way. It's great to see him shadow Sonic everywhere he goes, mimicking every move.

I'm sure some people get annoyed when he causes them to crash and lose precious rings during the spectacular bonus rounds. I'd tell 'em to get over it. It's not every day you get to race through bobsled tubes inspired by Atari's _STUN Runner_ with a blue hedgehog and a twin-tailed fox. If he crashes into a mine, who's fault is it? You're the one holding the controller.

I remember the first time my friends and I played the original _Sonic_ , and discovered the rotating bonus round behind the giant ring. It was a terrific thrill because we had no idea such a thing would ever happen. It just popped up out of nowhere. The _Sonic 2_ bonus rounds gave me that same feeling. The halfpipe race is more fun than most full games to slither down the pike.

Have you ever noticed that none of the newer _Sonic_ games on today's consoles or Game Boy Advance have decent bonus games like these? What's the story with that? You just want to grab the creative people responsible, and shake them down with a whiffle bat and a fly swatter. What's your deal? Bad toad! Bad toad!

#### IV.

There's something about the bright color tones, and all those quasi-abstract designs, in _Sonic 2_. It's all drawn with an eye towards early CGI. Cone-shaped pine trees, bushes composed of square blocks, enemy robots made out of spheres and oddly shaped animal heads. Those checkerboard patterns in Emerald Hill and Hilltop contrast perfectly with the smooth curves in Chemical Plant; the forest and swamp approach of Aquatic Ruin, set against the dry industrial angles of Metropolis. I still somehow get lost in the middle of Oil Ocean; I'm still convinced there's another hidden cache of rings that I haven't found.

And then there's that whole final act, when Sonic and Tails fly past the turtle air force en route to the Death Egg. The pacing just changes, almost a reprieve before the final two thrilling battles against Mecha Sonic and Robotnik in his enormous Eggman machine. The development team must have been passing around some great drugs.

Coming this summer: Electric Kool-Aid Acid Tests at the Sega Technical Institute. Be there or be square, baby. Dreams Come True will bring the tunes, and they do it better than anyone else on the scene.

Am I thinking too hard about a console videogame from 1992? Maybe. But it sure beats reading the paint-by-numbers cliches from any issue of _Gamepro_ or _Diehard_ _Gamefan_. You weren't expecting me to simply hand out gameplay tips?

It's interesting to note that Yuji Naka, the brilliant programmer for _Sonic the Hedgehog_ and one of the game's primary talents, quit Sega after a pay dispute and left for America before his creation became a success. He found a friend in Mark Cerny, the legendary programmer who created the brilliant _Marble Madness_ at age seventeen, to work with him in California at Sega Technical Institute. The STI was a training ground for American game designers who were learning from the Japanese.

As it just so happens, the visiting developers from Japan included Hirokazu Yasuhara, _Sonic's_ game planner. With two of the three top minds from Sonic Team in the States, STI was given the honor of creating _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ , with Naka in charge.

He took the opportunity and ran with it. You can see the skid marks all throughout the game. What a long, strange trip.

### Sonic 3 & Knuckles

Sonic Team for Genesis

Action

1994

Rating: 10/10

First comes invention, then refinement, and then finally perfection.

_Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ represents Sega at its absolute peak, at a time when they defined cool. The blue hedgehog was largely responsible for that, wrestling half the videogame market away from Nintendo and spawning an unending stream of mascot games. And like any rock star, the time came for the big, epic statement; that definitive work that captures all the themes and summarizes its era, its _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_ , its _Dark Side of the Moon_.

Perhaps it is unusual that I define _Sonic_ in rock 'n roll terms, but there's no denying the pop appeal the character generated. Also, the first four _Sonic_ titles — 1991's _Sonic the Hedgehog_ , 1992's _Sonic the Hedgehog 2_ , 1993's _Sonic CD_ , and 1994's _Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ — remind me of The Ramones' first four albums, which for all intents and purposes defined punk rock. These four titles redefined videogames with speed, invention, and a sense of attitude.

The first _Sonic the Hedgehog_ started at full bore but spend most of its time stuck in mid-tempo. _Sonic 2_ focused on the speed, but the worlds were still not large enough; it was all over too fast. Yuji Naka and his team were still working to find that ideal balance between barreling speed and intricate level design. In _S3K_ , they finally found that perfect balance, without sacrificing either element. If anything, this _Sonic_ seems even faster, if that were possible.

The enormous size of the game worlds allow for some truly amazing speed runs, torpedoing through loops, twists, turns. There are eruptions of water, deep, pummeling vertical drops, snowboarding down mountains, elevator cars run amok, runaway spinning tops. One of my favorite moments are the "racetrack timers" in the Death Egg Zone, which grab Sonic and hurl him in chaotic loops through open space. It's completely gratuitous, of course, but a terrific rush (and clearly predicts _NiGHTS: Into Dreams_ ).

This is the one videogame that I think captures the essence of a speed junkie's highs and lows. When you're high, you're flying so fast so can't catch breath. But when it's time to slow down, the panic sets in. _S3K_ features numerous moments of moving walls and collapsing ceilings, crumbling backdrops and closing walls. The timer, almost completely useless in the first two _Sonic_ titles, looms over your head from start to finish; those large worlds guarantee you'll often run out of time before reaching the exit or defeating the bosses. This tension is one of the game's calling cards.

_Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ is blessed with some of the finest and intricate level designs, and this is the balance that truly makes the game great. There's the obvious _Super Mario_ influence in the way surprises and rooms are hidden away, but now they are plentiful enough to actually justify all that wandering. You are amply rewarded for your curiosity, with its secrets and multiple pathways, and that's what keeps you coming back again and again. I suppose you could run through the various zones several times and still not take the same exact path twice.

The smartest move was to take the giant rings from the original _Sonic_ and tuck them away for you to discover. These rings whisk you away to the magnificent bonus rounds, which involve navigating through a spherical maze of red and blue spheres. It ranks among the best visual effects seen on the Genesis (or the Super Nintendo, for that), and it's the best of the whole series; they're fun and challenging enough to stand as a game of their own.

Yuji Naka was the creative mind behind this game, and just like _Sonic 1_ and its direct sequel, it's his baby to the core. The enormous success of _Sonic 2_ gave him the leeway to start making demands, and he brought over a number of people from Japan to America for the third _Sonic_ , including Takashi Yuda, the character designer responsible for Knuckles the Echidna. Oddly enough, Sega didn't have the rights to the original signature theme song, since those songs were written by a member of the Japanese pop group Dreams Come True; instead of paying hefty royalty fees, they chose to compose new music for this venture; thankfully, it's as vibrant and catchy as one could ask. Unconfirmed rumors persist for years that Michael Jackson wrote some of the funk-oriented tracks.

_S3K_ is videogames' great double album. I say that because it is, in fact, two Genesis cartridges: _Sonic the Hedgehog 3_ and _Sonic & Knuckles_, each half released eight months apart. When _Sonic 3_ was released in February of 1994, we were thrilled, but a bit puzzled as to why it seemed cut short. Then once _Sonic & Knuckles_ appeared, that sense of burnout began to set in. That cynicism, that sinking feeling that we were merely being worked over for a few more bucks, just as Capcom had pulled with _Street Fighter 2_ (they received a similar backlash over the home translations of _Super Street Fighter 2_ ).

I remember being especially critical in my own fanzine at the time; the 16-bit market had become saturated with beat-em-ups, fighters, and mascot titles and we were, frankly, tired of it. There were too many wisecracking mascots, and far too many videogames with Sonic's face on the box. Perhaps that resulted in a "throw the baby out with the bathwater" approach, which meant that we never gave late-era Genesis classics (e.g. _Gunstar Heroes_ ) the attention they deserved.

It was only much later that I truly recognized _S3K_ 's brilliance, understood how Sega's politics influenced the release of the game in two halves. This was not only Sega's peak, you see, but also the beginning of their downfall. By 1994, their corporate senses just, bafflingly, drifted away, leaving the company to make poor decision after poor decision, until they had to exit the console hardware business entirely. The hubris had taken over, their rock star had crashed and burned. The party was over.

So we're back to the rock star analogies again. It doesn't matter. In the end, we remember not the wild antics but the artists' achievements: zones that vary in tempo and style; lush, beautiful environments and visual effects; challenging bosses, large and small; and that magnificent sense of speed, speed, speed. Sega, in my mind, has never surpassed this action-platforming masterpiece. Even _NiGHTS_ on the Sega Saturn, genius that it is, must take second place. _Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ belongs on any short list of the greatest videogames.

### Space Harrier 2

Sega for Genesis

Shooter

1989

Rating: 6/10

Today, just to show everyone that I hold no bias towards or grudges against any single videogame console, I'll say the same things about _Space Harrier 2_ on Sega Genesis that I've said about the early NES releases: another launch title that was fun and enjoyable for a while, then aged considerably in the years since. This will probably remain one of those "you had to be there" nostalgia trips, entertaining for aging Generation X'ers, and boring for everybody else.

As one of the very first Sega Genesis titles — one of Japan's first Mega Drive games in 1988 — _Space Harrier 2_ fulfills the promise of the new system's power over its 8-bit predecessor, the Sega Master System. Videogame launch titles were intended to be showoffs, demonstrations of a new system's potential. Because of this, many such games feel like tech demos, sacrificing depth of gameplay for audiovisual glam slam and gloss. You play _Space Harrier 2_ and _Last Battle_ and _Altered Beast_ and _Super Hang-On_ with a smile on your face, knowing their real power lies in their promise of future potential. This is the new direction Genesis wishes to pursue.

I always had the impression that software developers worked off a checklist for their first-wave titles. Larger character sprites than the previous generation? Check. Stereo sound? Check. 3D scrolling effects? Check. Classic arcade hits to win over the older fans? Check. Shallow, simplistic gameplay in the service of flashy graphics? Check. You can see this pattern clearly with NES, Turbografx, Genesis, Super NES, Game Boy, Lynx, Saturn, Playstation, yadda yadda.

_Space Harrier 2_ fits squarely in this mold. As a home-exclusive sequel to Sega's arcade classic, it is bigger and beefier than the 8-bit Master System translation. Everything is larger and more detailed, enemies and obstacles are suitably challenging, your spaceman is decked out in a stylish red outfit, the 3D scrolling effects are fairly impressive (well, sorta), and the screen pops with vivid color and rich stereo sound. It's much better than what was seen on 8-bit systems, and as such would be a good early show-off title for the Genesis.

This was a quality version of _Space Harrier_ for its time, but it makes the same mistake as many of Sega's arcade sequels of the period, including _Super Hang-On_ , _Turbo Outrun_ , _Afterburner 2_ , _Super Thunder Blade_ : it's essentially a retread of the original. Other than a few minor cosmetic changes, the game mechanics are identical. This sort of copy-and-paste videogame sequel is more common (and perhaps more acceptable) in today's Sony/Microsoft world, which regurgitates the same handful of tired franchise titles endlessly. In 1989, such behavior was unacceptable, and offending developers were rarely rewarded. Lazy videogame sequels found their way into discount bins very quickly.

I don't think _Space Harrier 2_ does anything wrong from a gameplay standpoint. The controls are solid and and enemies provide a decent challenge. The character designs are stylish, futuristic and surreal. The music is catchy and you find yourself humming along to the FM synth melodies. It's just a lazy sequel, one that offers nothing new or unique to the original formula. Aside from a change of wardrobe, I guess. But that wasn't enough to keep this title in the public eye for very long in the Genesis era, and I see no reason for that to change today.

Also, it really needs to be said: the 3D pseudo-scaling is very choppy. It's like Sega's designers only drew the key animation frames, but left out the in-betweens. This was a common fault with _Super Thunder Blade_ and _Super Hang-On_ on Genesis as well. Since the Genesis did not enable hardware sprite scaling (a widely-used visual effect in video arcade games of the time), individual sprite frames had to be drawn and rendered individually. Programmers would later master the art of software-coded scaling, and it's nice to imagine what _Space Harrier 2_ would look like if it were made in 1994. But that didn't happen, and so this videogame is time-stamped to the late '80s.

Anyway, I forgot what I was going to say, but the important thing is that back in 1989, I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.

###  Streets of Rage 3

Sega for Genesis

Fighting

1994

Rating: 5/10

So now we come to _Streets of Rage, Episode 3: The One Where Sega Royally Screws Up._

In 1991, Sega developed its own fighting game in response to Capcom's _Final Fight_ , which was headed to the Super Nintendo. It was called _Streets of Rage_ , and it was a tremendous hit, comparable to _Sonic_ and _Toejam_ and _John Madden_. They followed up the next year with _Streets of Rage 2_. It was bigger, faster, meaner, and better in every way. Sega could do no wrong. Then they completely screw everything up with Part Three. At least, that was the impression at the time, and it managed to stick.

I long wondered about this mysterious _Streets of Rage_ backlash. Was it just that Part 2 was so good, so beloved, that nothing else could take its place? See: _Goldeneye_ , _Perfect Dark_. Was it just that we all became burned out from the overload of beat-em-up games? Heaven only knows just how many fighting games were deluged upon the 16-bit systems in the early 1990s. Everybody got in on the racket. Or was it something more basic? Was _Streets of Rage 3_ just not as good? Maybe it's really as simple as that?

So went the debate. Then we got wind of the original Japanese version, _Bare Knuckle 3_. And if you were a hardcore gamer, you likely blew your top. _Bare Knuckle 3_ was terrific, fantastic. It was everything you wanted as a _Rage_ fan, and if you saw it in action, you knew the score right away: Sega of America wrecked their own videogame.

No surprise that this all happened in 1994, when Sega began self-destructing in earnest. The bloom had fallen off the rose, and the colossal, almost mysterious foul-ups were in motion. Sega was headed for oblivion. Sigh. Light a candle for poor 'ole Sega, and poor 'ole Genesis, and poor 'ole _Streets of Rage 3_.

So here's the deal. Sega decided, first of all, to mess with the color scheme. Somebody got the brilliant idea that the main characters were sending the wrong signals with the colors of their clothes. Axel, with his blue jeans and white t-shirt. Blaze, with her red tube top and skirt. This sent the wrong signal....I suppose. Was somebody offended? Was there some contingency of color-blind gamers that would have felt left out? I have no bloody clue. But the suits decided to change everyone's outfits to more gender-neutral colors. Which would have been manageable if the same suits didn't insist upon such gaudy colors. Eww...Claire....Why?

Really? Gender neutral colors? Because in 1994, there were all these teenage girls and young women who just wanted to play one of those violent martial-arts fighting games; they were only turned off by the colors. Yeah, that's right. Great move, losers.

And that was only the first offense. Sega America also decided to foul up the tempo of the game. Beat-em-up games are very dependent upon tempo and rhythm. These aren't complicated videogames. All you really ever do is walk up to a small group of thugs, punch and kick them mercilessly (usually by mashing buttons), then walk ten paces and beat up the next pack. You really have to change things up in order to hold gamers' interest. And this is where Sega's fighting series truly excelled.

The key is to make sure areas aren't stretched out too far, that things don't become too repetitive. You need to offer new thrills and something besides just a change of scenery. The designers in Japan knew this, and _Bare Knuckle 3_ hones those ideas to near perfection. The pacing, the rhythm, the levels - all are perfectly balanced. Not so for the American version.

For our version, Sega America decided to make the game much harder. Levels are stretched out, and your walks are interrupted by more and more bad guys. One early villain, a suit with a gun, is now partnered with another suit with a gun, and they fire more frequently. Later bosses are much faster and harder to defeat, almost unfairly so. And did you know that there was an opening sequence to this game? It's pretty elaborate, actually, finishing with main man Axel punching out the screen. That's been removed entirely. Scripted cutscenes have also been cut down notably. Was there ever a reason for this? Did Sega need to save memory chips for all those _Barney the Dinosaur_ videogames? They had no problem throwing away hardware systems left and right. But here, of all times, they became stingy.

In Sega of America's hands, _Streets of Rage 3_ just drags. It's an embarrassment, because you know there's no damned reason for it. Levels that should run five to seven minutes drag out to fifteen or twenty. Battling the same foes — always a key weakness of the genre — becomes repetitious. Bosses are too difficult, and battles seemingly never end. You're getting "more," but in the wrong way. This game was remastered for Blockbuster Video rentals above anything else.

The weirdest change — and this is a product of its time, so let's not solely blame Sega — are the additional clothes on female characters, the aforementioned gender-neutral colors, and the removal of one infamous boss from the Japanese version, a ridiculously, embarrassingly over-the-top gay man in full "Pride Parade" regalia. On that last item, I don't mind changing to a different (but sadly generic) boss character, but this low-level censorship is just stupid. Sega built a reputation by standing up to Nintendo's Disneyfied family image, most famously with _Mortal Kombat_. But here they get squeamish and worried about what parents might think.

That's a real shame, because it only serves to expand the game's flaws in your mind, even when they're relatively minor. And all the game's advances and little touches, the things that make a videogame really inspired, are forgotten about, lost in the haze. You wouldn't know that this was the fastest game in the series, or the most easily varied, or the most graphically detailed. You wouldn't know there were multiple endings, or secret rooms, or hidden characters, or additional special moves. All you remember thinking is that Axel has turned into a steroid freak, and that Dr. Xan is creepy-looking and bland, and you miss that big lug Max from _Streets of Rage 2_. And Blaze should be dressed in red. And the levels are too damn long.

If you asked me to pick my favorite of the _Streets of Rage_ series, I'd have to go with the second one. That's the fan favorite among most gamers. But if you asked me to include the Japanese titles, then it's no contest. _Bare Knuckles 3_ wins, hands down. That's the real deal, not this tepid, Puritanical farce.

### Strider

Sega and Capcom for Genesis

Action

1990

Rating: 10/10

Allow me, if you will, a little bit of nostalgia. The year is 1990 and I'm killing far too much time with my Sega Genesis. There were a handful of games that I and my friends were devoted to the most, titles like _Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse_ , _Super Monaco GP_ , _Fire Shark_ , _Thunder Force 3, M.U.S.H.A._ , _Gaiares_ , _Rolling Thunder 2_ , _Populous_. They were all great games from the heady days when the Genesis had the 16-bit market all to itself. After years with the 8-bit Nintendo, this was the new state of the art.

Finishing up the pack was the latest, and greatest, of the Capcom arcade titles. _Strider_ first appeared as a coin-op machine where it drew a loyal following. It later appeared on the NES, more or less, as a spin-off with more adventure elements, and then it finally found a home on Genesis. Sega had already handled a pair of excellent Capcom conversions, _Forgotten Worlds_ and _Ghouls n' Ghosts_. _Strider_ bests them both by a mile.

When _Strider_ was released, the cartridge cost $80. Read that again. Isn't that completely insane? When I look back, it's almost miraculous that anyone ever ponied up the cash at all. The reason for the high price was that the game used one megabyte, or "eight megabits," twice the size of standard Genesis games. This was the new standard for console games; thankfully, it showed then and still shows now.

I can't imagine what would possess someone to pay that kind of money, but the game itself is magnificent. The home consoles had always played catch-up with their more potent arcade cousins, and the 16-bit era meant that gap would be closing. _Strider_ was among the first to close that gap, worthy of that coveted honor, "arcade perfect."

Anyway, less about the history lesson and back to the present. _Strider_ is a multi-scrolling action thriller featuring a sword-wielding hero who runs, slides, and somersaults across a fantastic variety of environments. You start off in a Moscow-styled city of the future (modeled in part on Kazakhstan), battling your way through soldiers, mounted guns and robots wearing raccoon-skin hats. You fight your way to a duel against a muscleman; scale a tower while taking down large insect-like robots; force your way inside the complex, and square off in a battle against a metallic snake, carrying a hammer and sickle and constructed out of a collective of soldiers.

The structure of the game, while linear, is much more episodic; each segment is a fully contained set-piece. This is what I believe gives _Strider_ is unique style. I really can't think of another videogame that has ever tried this, and that's a shame, because it works so wonderfully. One would almost expect someone to try and top it.

The game is fairly short, with only five levels before the final showdown, but each level is perfectly paced, each set-piece memorable in its own right. There is a terrific amount of variety in where to go and what to do. One scene involves climbing a scaffolding against a beautiful backdrop of clouds. Another involves the hallways of a ship whose gravity reverses every few seconds. Still another takes place in a jungle, among swinging vines.

There are battles against flying mercenaries, attack dogs, Chinese dancers. You will encounter a massive power core whose gravity hurls you in every direction. You will face a large robotic gorilla and an even larger golden insectoid. Or maybe that's a dinosaur; I never could say for certain. 16-bit games showed their muscle with larger sprites and character models, and the rush was always on for the "biggest boss." For the time being, _Strider_ had them all beat.

My favorite sequence in the whole game? A galloping run down the side of a mountain. It's a short sequence, maybe six seconds long, but the vertical drop is tremendous, and in 1990 was simply stunning. I could feel that drop in my stomach every time. I'm sure you could think of a couple other scenes that have a similar impact on you.

Why Capcom chose to hand these conversions over to Sega, instead of translating themselves, has always been a mystery to me. Perhaps they were still constrained by their licensing agreement with Nintendo, which forbid any work with the competition. Of course, in the 8-bit NES era, there was no competition; the arrival of the Genesis meant the end of that monopoly, and software developers gradually freed themselves from the old order.

When I remember _Strider_ , I always think of the Sega Genesis version. When I have the option of firing up MAME and playing the arcade, I still reach for the home cartridge. Why is that, you ask? For me, it simply comes down to the music. The home version offers some of the best music of its era, searing chords, haunting melodies. There's a certain sound to the Genesis that is fully unique, and you hear that in this game, especially in the extra songs unique to the cartridge. And, it must be said, I find Strider Hiryu's constant yelling to be annoying. I'm glad Sega cut it out. There, I said it.

At its core, _Strider_ is a genre videogame. It follows the conventions of the action-platformer; there isn't too much that you could say was revolutionary. Still, what's here is performed flawlessly, fast and challenging, and a prime example of what made arcades in the late 1980s and early 1990s so much fun. Those arcades have become a relic from the past; the explosion of console gaming and the rise of the internet have seen to that. Don't worry about that. Just grab your copy of _Strider_ by any means necessary and keep the spirit of the arcades alive.

### Super Thunder Blade

Sega for Genesis

Shooter

1989

Rating: 3/10

_Super Thunder Blade_ was among the very first Sega Genesis games; in fact, it was one of the first three games to debut with the Mega Drive in Japan at the end of 1988. And wouldn't you know it? It shows. Yuck, it really shows.

Sega had one key advantage in the home console race, and that was its successful arcade division. They were the geniuses responsible for _Outrun_ and _Space Harrier_ and _Hang-On_ and _Shinobi_ , and a pile of great titles that made you want to reach for one more quarter. It was a crucial source for home videogames, since Nintendo had a complete stranglehold on the market, and competition was squeezed out. So, at least on paper, offering a number of arcade conversions on their new 16-bit console was a smart move for Sega.

The problem, and this is always a problem for any new home videogame system, is that many of those arcade games are shallow, simple, and short. _Altered Beast_ is probably the best example of this. It may be fun at Aladdin's Castle, but when you bring it home and finish the whole thing in 20 minutes, you come away feeling slightly used.

I suppose you can make the case for looking the other way, as long as the arcade game is exciting and fun and thoroughly challenging, but none of those things apply to _Super Thunder Blade_. In fact, I really don't know what the point to this game ever was. I certainly can't explain why a tepid shoot-em-up like the original _Thunder Blade_ ever warranted a sequel. Perhaps it was a big hit, and I've always been in the minority. _Super Thunder Blade_ was also an early title for Sega's 16-bit arcade board which was the basis for the Genesis. So, in a sense, it really never was much more than a show-off game. The problem is that it never did a very good job of showing off.

_Super Thunder Blade_ is a helicopter shoot-em-up with stages that switch between a 3D, third-person view, and a 2D, overhead view. The 3D was slightly novel at the time, using scaling sprites for enemy copters, tanks, and city buildings; but graphics gimmicks from that era are always doomed to age poorly. This videogame was looking tired and haggard long before the polygon age arrived, an event which relegated nearly all games of this type to the dustbin.

On Genesis, the 3D scaling is absolutely terrible. Sprite scaling was never part of the Genesis' hardware, as it would be on the Atari Lynx and the Super Nintendo, so I can't imagine why Sega would stack its launch library with not one, but two, but three 3D-oriented arcade titles: _Space Harrier 2_ , _Super Hang-On_ , and _Super Thunder Blade_. None of them are particularly good or have aged smoothly. The scrolling of objects on screen is choppy and amateurish on all of them, nowhere near as smooth as in the coin-op versions. And I think _Super Thunder Blade_ is the worst of the bunch.

The overhead levels, you'd hope, would be a little bit better, but you'll discover how lifeless and dull they are once you start playing. The point-of-view is far too close, with no real sense of where you are or what's coming around the bend. You really don't have time to react properly. Not that it matters, because it's just a flat version of the same tired marching patterns from the 3D levels. It doesn't help matters that two excellent overhead shooters, _Thunder Force 2_ and _Truxton_ , would quickly appear on the shelves. That pretty much makes this title unnecessary, doesn't it?

Oh, and the pace of the game is unbearably stiff and choppy, something which is practically unforgivable for this genre. Get used to seeing your helicopter crash and burn. Don't ask me how it happened. I don't know either. Maybe this is a game where your aircraft just breaks apart on its own. Yeah, that's the answer. We're flying ACME helicopters.

I applaud Sega for remembering its early Genesis library, and reminding the public that there was more to their system than _Sonic the Hedgehog_ and _EA Sports_. But enough with the throwaway games, already. We've already been offered _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_ and Revenge of Shinobi, that's a fine start. Now keep coughing up the good stuff, please. Cough, _Herzog Zwei_ , cough.

### Toejam & Earl

Johnson Voorsanger Productions and Sega for Genesis

Action

1991

Rating: 9/10

While it's true that _Toejam & Earl_ never achieved more than cult status among fans, it's equally true that it was a key software title during Sega's critical 1991 holiday season, alongside _Sonic the Hedgehog_ , _Streets of Rage_ , and the rise of EA Sports. It's a terrific videogame, joyous and goofy, fiercely independent and irreverent, happy to inhabit its own little world. It's just as much fun today as when it was new, and eagerly awaits a new generation of fans.

I don't think Sega consciously decided to play the role of the rebellious teenager; their anti-hero persona came to them, thanks to Sonic and Toejam, Axel and Blaze, violent hockey brawlers and the Killer Ambulance of Death. Nintendo, once the very face of videogames (their NES controlled over 90 percent of the home market), had suddenly become passe, tame, boring. They were simultaneously too old, too outdated and too babyish. And this all happened in an age of revolution: the end of Reagan/Bush, the Cold War, Soviet Union and Apartheid South Africa; Tiananmen Square; the collapse of LA glam pop and boy bands, the rise of hip-hop and Seattle Rock. Sega found themselves the beneficiaries of this rising wave and surfed it as far as they could go.

Yes, we all know how _Sonic_ toppled _Mario_ , but _Toejam & Earl_ were just as important. They brought hip-hop and funk to videogames (the main theme song is a direct ripoff of Herbie Hancock's legendary _Headhunters_ LP). They brought originality in an age of too many shoot-em-ups and too many fighting games. They brought multiplayer fun when most everyone was passively sitting on the couch, waiting for their turn. Here was something truly new, when most videogames were obsessed with dumb violence and explosions. Funny how things in this industry never change.

_Toejam & Earl_ is a 2D action game, presented in an angled overhead view, where play one of two aliens on a quest to retrieve the pieces of your shattered spaceship. You've crash-landed on Earth, or really a cartoon parody of Earth, inspired by sugary breakfast cereals and one too many _Road Runner_ cartoons. Imagine a world of green meadows and blue lakes stacked on top of one another like pancakes, and littered with holes. It kinda looks like that.

Now take that flat, stacked world and populate it with obnoxious, camera-wielding tourists; psychotic, drill-happy dentists, packs of nerds; killer ice cream trucks; hungry mailboxes who try to bite you; cheery children sitting at lemonade stands; dancing hula hoop girls. I think I once saw someone in a tutu who would sing off-key, "Tra-la-la!" There may also have been some militarized chickens who fire tomatoes at you. I definitely remember being stung by bees a lot. This Earth is a very weird place.

What makes this game work is its randomization; everything from the level designs to the presents which appear everyplace is randomly generated with each game. No two plays are the same. The red present that gives you rocket shoes one day might give you spring-loaded shoes, or might just give you gas. Greg Johnson, the creator of _Toejam & Earl_, was heavily inspired by his love of the legendary computer game _Rogue_ , which he discovered as a university student. The term "Roguelike" has been used to describe videogames built around improvised level and gameplay design.

Two players can play together as a team, which is how _Toejam & Earl_ is really meant to be experienced. It's far less interesting when played solo; the levels are too large and repetitious, the quest to recover ship pieces become tedious, the jokes eventually wear thin. It's much better with a friend to share the trip. Most things in life are better with friends, especially when you're stuck on a planet as crazy and surreal as this one.

## Part V:

NEC  
Turbografx-16  
(TG-16)

### Air Zonk

Red Entertainment for Turbografx-16

Shooter

1992

Rating: 7/10

I've long suspected that Red Entertainment, the brains behind _Bonk's Adventure_ , suffered from _Mega Man_ envy. Now I'm convinced of it. _Air Zonk_ , the fourth game in the popular _Bonk_ series, trades in its prehistoric roots for a futuristic cybernetic world of killer robots wearing shades who cooly blast away everything in sight. Frankly, I'm surprised that Capcom never followed this path: _Mega Man_ as an arcade shoot-em-up. It seems so obvious, doesn't it?

The best quality Red brings to their videogames is a zany sense of humor, a crazy irreverence that borders on the surreal. You see that humor all throughout the _Bonk_ series, and it reaches new heights in _Air Zonk_. Everything about this game — the level designs, the character designs, the weapons and power-ups — is masterful in its weirdness. I wouldn't interpret it all as a spoof, as one would with Konami's _Parodius_ series. _Zonk_ is weird for weirdness sake. I am reminded of the great Sega CD comedy videogame, _Panic!_ (titled _Switch_ in Japan), which was an endless assault of corny gags, poop jokes and puns masquerading as a videogame. It was such stupid, useless fun, and it was a blast.

_Air Zonk_ , at its core, is a side-scrolling arcade shoot-em-up, where you blast away at endless waves of goofy targets, large and small, who fly and dance in formation like an endless tribute to _Galaga_ (practically every shooter does this). Yes, it's true that the Turbografx already has a massive collection of arcade shooters, so the temptation is strong to dismiss Red's effort as too similar, too cartoony, too little and too late. I know this because I've that way myself sometimes. My original 2007 Virtual Console review dismissed the game for just these reasons.

But I think that's cutting things short, and not giving Red their proper due. It also means that you'll miss out on one of the Turbo's strongest videogames, and a brilliant example of 2D, hand-drawn graphics. I don't think the Polygon Age has ever crafted anything quite like this.

I also suspect that _Air Zonk_ suffered from mascot burnout, at a time when everybody and their pet rock wanted to create their own version of _Sonic the Hedgehog_ , their own computerized mutant Poochie to lure kids and teenagers and steal their lunch money. These were the days when "outrageous" and "paradigm" were being bandied about by company bosses throughout the videogame industry, desperately trying to connect with kids and teenagers, and usually failing.

Anyway, back to _Zonk_.

These are probably the best graphics the Turbografx has to offer. Every scene is painted with richly shaded colors, finely detailed cartoon characters of all shapes and sizes. The backgrounds are rendered with multiple layers of parallax scrolling, a rarity on this system and a sore point when comparing to the more powerful Sega Genesis (the Turbo never saw anything as visually spectacular as _Thunder Force 3_ and _Gaiares_ ). The worlds of _Air Zonk_ are extremely varied, with such wonderful sights as a futuristic city landscape, a sports stadium, blue ocean depths, a psychedelic purple-and-green forest, and a trip through a mass of machine circuitry. The latter stage includes floating cubes of worlds seen in the _Bonk's Adventure_ series; the original game is parodied in one stage, which is pretty clever. This game is loaded with such cleverness.

Bosses are large, cartoonishly detailed and irreverent. Animation is very solid and impressive at times, lacking in others. It's clear that the Turbografx hardware is being pushed to its limits. I really wish Red and Hudson had remade _Air Zonk_ for a later system, say, the Sega Saturn, which was a legendary beast for 2D videogames. One only needs to look at _Super Tempo_ 's wonderfully fluid animation to see how such a scenario would play out.

I'm going to give _Air Zonk_ a good review score out of respect to Red Entertainment, and their brand of humor. As far as parody games go, this is better than most. They were valued friends to Hudson and NEC, and their creative spark is truly missed.

### Alien Crush

Naxat Soft for Turbografx-16

Pinball

1989

Rating: 7/10

I'll say one thing for _Alien Crush_ : this was definitely a videogame that demanded attention. It was a clear standout title among the Turbografx-16 launch titles, which were pretty impressive in their own right. I could imagine a teenager in Autumn 1989 buying the Turbo system and a copies of _The Legendary Axe_ , _Military Madness_ and _Alien Crush_ , and feel very proud. It's unfortunate the console couldn't sustain its early momentum, but it couldn't be helped, nor could it be blamed on titles such as this.

_Alien Crush_ is an interesting videogame/pinball hybrid, a semi-genre that saw a number of similar games on the NES and Game Boy. Instead of a sober, straightforward pinball simulation, these titles offer gameplay elements from videogames, including bonus levels, more complex goals, and fantasy elements such as cartoon characters or monsters. One game — Jaleco's _Pinball Quest_ — fused pinball with role-playing games. Even the real-life pinball manufacturers tried to adapt to video arcade games in the early 1990s, with quests and goals and animated digital screens.

Naxat aimed for a science-fiction feel for _Alien Crush_. The _Alien_ movies, and art designs of H.R. Giger is the obvious inspiration (interesting how the Turbo was also home to the Giger-influenced _R-Type_ in 1989). The pinball board is composed of two screens of robotic flippers, mechanical bumpers, and creepy, organic targets. A large xenomorph head arches from side, awakening when certain targets are hit. The plunger is a strange alien blob that morphs and contorts like an enormous germ cell. The entire game is one pulsating mass of flesh and machine.

At several places, you can access the game's bonus screens, where you must destroy a number of stationary or moving targets to score bonus points. I cannot remember if beating these stages accomplished something; in _Devil's Crush_ , you can destroy the entire board and win the game if you overcome all the bonus stages. I don't think anything ultimately happens here, but I could be wrong. I don't think you're playing to reach a final goal; you're playing for the high score.

The design of _Alien Crush_ is very clean, but not too clinical or crisp. Colors are rich and detailed, very much a showoff of early 16-bit power. The playfield isn't overly crowded, but it does feel a bit empty at times. The bonus stages can become repetitious after a while. I think adding a third screen to the main board would have helped a lot; judging by its sequels, I'm guessing Naxat felt the same way. Overall, very nice and entertaining.

Naxat, the developer, is most famous for their 1990 sequel, _Devil's Crush_ , arguably the greatest video pinball game ever made. They also followed up with _Jaci Crush_ on the Super Famicom, which, unfortunately, was never released in the West. Their star faded after the videogame industry shifted to polygons, but most of their titles were mediocre at best. As software developers, I always found them so frustrating. So many of their games were terrible. But their pinball games were so good. In this one arena, they were untouchable.

### Bomberman '93

Hudson for Turbografx-16

Action

1993

Rating: 7/10

Hey, how could I forget about a _Bomberman_ videogame? What was I thinking?

Because I am a writer, I have a massive collection of classic videogames on my computer. I can fire up Magic Engine (the definitive TG-16/PC Engine emulator) and play a few games to see where _Bomberman '93_ stands among the long-running Hudson Soft series. As a general rule, Bomberman is always enjoyable as a multiplayer party game, and you are well served by any of them. This is the first appearance of the series on Nintendo's Virtual Console platform, and fans will be eager to snap it up with silly grins on their faces.

I always find myself comparing _Bomberman '93_ to later versions, especially Super Bomberman 2 on Super NES and Saturn Bomberman on Sega Saturn, which really refine and perfect the classic Hudson formula. This title plays out more like a very good second draft, which still needs one more revision to reach perfection. If you're new to _Bomberman_ , this is a good place to start. It's meant to be a party game and the Nintendo Wii was always destined to become a beloved party system. You and your friends will have a fun time trying to hurl bombs at one another in zany maze arenas.

Now that we've sung the game's praises, here's my short list of complaints:

1. The graphics are a little too candy-like, without any environmental hazards like ice. And most of the levels lack that real punch. There is one great stage with regenerating blocks, but that was the only real standout for me.

2. The pacing is a little casual, a little slow. You can see the elements that gave _Super Bomberman 2_ its intensity. The ability to kick bombs down warp holes. The ability to knock around the curse items instead of destroying them. The time limit. The speedup icon. The glove. For the love of Elvis, the freakin' glove! None of those essential features are present in this installment.

3. I miss the extra _Bomberman_ colors. Sue me. Oh, and those sticky slime bombs. And the G-Bomber idea was great.

So, basically, I'm really just shilling for _Super Bomberman 2_ instead of _Bomberman '93_. I'll try my best not to bring up _Saturn Bomberman_ , which really kicks things up a notch, with a massive roster of characters and arenas, and is the oh-so rare title in the series to have a compelling one-player mode. Most of the time, you're only interested in the multiplayer battle mode, so we shall ignore this point.

If you're a Turbografx owner, then it's a no-brainer. You should have a copy of _Bomberman '93_ in your library. Virtual Console users don't have much of a choice; there's no reason why every title in this series couldn't be released. No doubt Hudson worried about diluted sales among far too many titles, but it's more than a little late to worry about having too many _Bomberman_ videogames. Once again, the best solution would be to incorporate a flat monthly fee for VC, along the Netflix model, and provide the entire software library instead of a few select hits.

### Bonk's Adventure

Red Entertainment, AI and Atlus for Turbografx-16

Action

1990

Rating: 7/10

Let's just get this out of the way: _Bonk's Adventure_ isn't in the same league as _Super Mario_ or _Sonic the Hedgehog_. Those are the giants, the premier "A" list. Bonk is a very solid and entertaining side-scrolling videogame. It inhabits a lot of charm and humor. It's certainly a must-have for Turbografx fans. But it belongs squarely on the "B" list.

I think you'll get into trouble if you expect _Bonk_ to perform as a "killer app" mascot title. You can become overwhelmed by the hype, just as so many cartoon mascots were overwhelmed. You expect perfection from _Bonk_ , _Acro_ , _Zero_ , _Ristar_ , _Socket_ , _Sparkster_ , _Mr. Nutz_ , J _azz Jackrabbit_ , _Boogerman_ , or any number of characters who crowded the 16-bit scene. And when they reveal themselves to be less than perfect, flawed, or the dreaded "good, not great," all hell breaks loose. The gamers throw fits, the prozines stick up their noses, and, well, this is how we end up in a world where the only viable videogame hero is an armored, steroid-fueled space marine.

So there's a strong case to be made for the virtue of "good but not great."

_Bonk's Adventure_ has a number of qualities I enjoy. First and foremost are the character designs, which are inventive, crazy, zany, irreverent, and just plain goofy. When you beat the final boss, King Drool (a lumbering green dinosaur with a big shiny crown on his head), you are rewarded with a complete character roll call, and it's a trip. A dinosaur with glasses? A swaying green cactus with google eyes? A hatchet-wielding dino with a round bone head..or is that a mask? I'm never sure. He looks like one of the _Pac-Man_ ghosts. Whatever. He's fun, whoever he is.

Bonk himself is quite the character, a cave boy with an enormous Charlie Brown head that he uses as a weapon. He climbs walls and trees by chomping with his teeth. He has a junkie's addiction to meat, which drives him into a rage, smashing through everything in sight. His many facial expressions are a hoot. He's definitely having a lot of fun.

The gameplay is extremely solid, and I'm impressed by the quick pacing and rhythm of the levels. It's a fairly short videogame, but thankfully never lags or becomes bogged down. You zip along the varied landscapes with a graceful ease, slightly loose in the controls but always responsive. Bonking enemies never gets old, stomping flowers reveal hidden surprises, and secret bonus rooms are hidden in nooks and crannies*. The boss battles are also very good, featuring large character sprites that showcase the Turbografx graphics chip. It's a nice touch that Bonk is really trying to rescue them; your goal is to break the remote-control helmets that turned them bad.

Red Entertainment and A.I, the software developers, have a long history of zany cartoon videogames, including three _Bonk_ titles on the Turbo, the shoot-em-up spin-off _Air Zonk_ , and musical-themed platformer _Tempo_ on Sega's spectacularly doomed 32X. Its sequel, _Super Tempo_ on the Saturn is an especially inspired piece of zany madness. Fluidly animated, richly colored, and densely packed with crazed brilliance, it remains a criminally overlooked 2D side-scrolling classic in a time when 3D polygons devoured all the attention.

So what grinds my gears about _Bonk's Adventure_? Why does it belong on the "B" list? Because, at the end of the day, it remains a very basic, simple game. Strictly linear, and cursed with a simplistic layout design, _Bonk_ lacks the rich complexity and depth of the _Super Mario_ series, and lacks the brilliant layouts and sheer speed of the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ games. It's mostly a straightforward left-to-right stroll. There's also a bit of repetition from one world to the next. Two different boss fights take place in the same cave! Was it so hard to come up with more locations? Perhaps the programmers simply ran out of space; the Turbo's tiny HuCards proved to be a fatal weakness against the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo.

The graphics are colorful, so that's good. But details and backgrounds are extremely basic, which is bad. The music is catchy, that's good. The animation is virtually nonexistent; King Krool doesn't even animate when he flies around the screen, like he's a giant paper cutout. That stinks.

Finally, someone should just be honest and admit that all three _Bonk's Adventure_ titles are more or less interchangeable. I personally enjoyed the third game the most, while many others prefer the second. These are much closer to the _Adventure Island_ series, which is probably why Hudson picked Red and A.I in the first place.

### Bonk 3: Bonk's Big Adventure

Red Entertainment, A.I and Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Action

1993

Rating: 8/10

I've thought about it long and hard, and, well, since I need a winner for the week, it's going to be _Bonk 3: Bonk's Big Adventure_. Wow, another quality platformer from Hudson, Red Entertainment and A.I? Ever notice how many of these sort of games they churned out in the 1980s and early 1990s? Kind of makes you wonder what really happened to these developers after the turn of the century. They could have made another 10,000 or so if the videogame business didn't dive head-first into the polygon realm.

Fortunately, that means that Bonk the Caveman didn't have to turn into a pathetic burnout loser like Sonic the Hedgehog. Man, I feel sorry for that guy. He really used to be something, a genuine rock star. Then he disappeared after being whored out by Sega during the 16-bit era. He returned with the impressive _Sonic Adventure_ comeback on our beloved Dreamcast, only to crash and burn in following years and become a soulless, hollowed-out shell of his smart-ass self. How many bad _Sonic_ videogames have there been since the Dreamcast "died?" Too many to count, that's how many. Thank God Hudson didn't pimp out Bonk endlessly like that. Everyone was wise enough to know when it was time to step away from the spotlight.

_Bonk 3_ is the fourth and final _Bonk_ game for the Turbografx to appear on Virtual Console, following _Bonk's Adventure_ , _Bonk's Revenge_ and _Air Zonk_. By now, you've pretty much made your mind about this series. You'll either be a dedicated fan, or you'll wonder just why you need to shell out another six bucks for another round of surrealist caveman head-banging.

Well, you're in luck, pal. I think this is another one of those videogame series that got better with each installment — take that, _Mega Man_ ; your beloved buzzsaw became your albatross, and everybody knows it. But _Bonk_ , heck, he just kept coming up with new tricks every time. Here, in the third installment, he has the ability to grow to massive size, enough to smack down everything in sight, or shrink down to a tiny spud who can worm his way through cracks and narrow pipes.

Hey, wait a minute! Nintendo totally ripped this game off. I can't believe they completely stole from _Bonk 3_ when they made _New Super Mario Bros._ What a bunch of jerks. Now I find myself liking that game even less. It was bad enough waiting a lifetime for another 2D Mario game, only to be served with a cakewalk nostalgia trip. Did you have to steal from your rivals, too? I can't wait to see Mario's new spin dash in the next game.

Whatever. Times three. Back to Bonk the Caveman, and his obsessions with headbanging dinosaurs and eating raw meat. I understand that I'm in the minority here, but I really do think _Bonk's Big Adventure_ is the best of the Turbografx trilogy. The level design is the most dedicated and intricate (in the spirit of classic NES action-platformers), the amount of surprises and extra abilities is at a peak, and everything just looks terrific. Terrific by Turbo standards, of course, but terrific by any standards of the 16-bit era. And I really dig playing as the giant and tiny Bonks.

By the time this videogame appeared, this humble console was already finished. So perhaps there wasn't any real pressure to deliver the goods, to really try and beat _Super Mario_ and _Sonic_. That was never gonna happen, anyway. We all knew that. All Red and A.I had to do was refine and churn out one of its better quality platformers and go out on a high note. They succeed admirably. They even include a two-player mode to spike the punch and kick the party up a notch.

Oh, I should probably mention that Bonk appears as a character in _Saturn Bomberman_ battle mode, which also happens to be the greatest _Bomberman_ videogame ever. Is that just a coincidence, or not? You be the judge. At least _Bonk_ isn't handing out lame math assignments, like _Donkey Kong, Jr. Math_. Hey, kid, what's two plus two? How the heck should I know? Who cares, Poindexter? I'm only here to overload on steak and candy. Head-butt!

### China Warrior

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Fighting

1989

Rating: 2/10

It's no surprise that Hudson Soft is in charge of releasing the PC Engine/Turbografx library to the Virtual Console. They were responsible for the lion's share of the system's software titles, many of them were very good. _China Warrior_ was the very first title released for the PC Engine in Japan in 1987, and it is not one of the good ones. It is among the worst. This might possibly be the worst videogame ever released on the Turbo.

Normally, this is a good thing; you want your system's weakest games to be the earliest ones. You want to show improvement in the software library, as programmers and designers unlock the hardware's full potential. But there is also the flipside: first impressions matter. If the Turbografx launch games are terrible, there won't be a second, third or fourth wave. There won't be any improvements, because all the kids are playing Sega and Nintendo.

Here's what the game is. Remember the Irem arcade hit _Kung-Fu Master_? Well, this is Hudson's attempt to follow that. So instead of featuring Jackie Chan, they'll use Bruce Lee. And instead of small character sprites, enormous characters will fill over half the screen (to show off "the hardware power"). Then hurl lots of small targets at poor Bruce, like knives and rocks and small birds. And then, just so nobody is confused, they send wave after wave of the same monk. Only one bad guy!

Finally, as the final straw, make the frame rate really jumpy and patchy, so it looks like you're skipping along instead of actually, well, walking. Convince the players that the Turbografx is gasping for air, barely surviving the heavy workload. That always inspires confidence in your new videogame system.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to move away from tiny little objects when you fill up half the entire screen?! How is that supposed to be fun? How about, oh, I dunno...let me fight some real people instead of cooking ware and bats!

Did I mention those monk guys? They don't actually do anything. They just shuffle forward without dodging, spinning, or moving out of the way of your fists. They exist solely to be punched by you. I dunno. Maybe they want autographs. Or maybe your "hero" is really the villain, and he's just mugging random strangers for no reason. Who knows?

The only interesting moments are the boss fights, when you actually square off against another enormously large fighter. If you're too young to remember fighting games before _Street Fighter 2_? Well, let's just say you're going to learn just why there were never any good ones. Except for _International Karate_ , of course. Did you know you can actually get that game on the Gameboy Advance? Really. _Dropzone_ , too. GBA is a real Archer Maclean fiesta.

Ahem.

It's very interesting that Sega Genesis also had their own martial arts game in 1989, _Last Battle_ (in Japan, it was _Hotoku no Ken_ , based on the manga/anime, and had glorious explosions of blood when you punched enemies). Like _China Warrior_ , it also took inspiration from _Kung-Fu Master_ , with endless waves of easily-disposed villains and challenging boss battles. But Sega's game is far more polished, far more involving, and ultimately more rewarding. The poor Turbo is left behind, choking dust.

In conclusion, there's this game called _China Warrior_. It was one of the very first PC Engine games and was later one of the first Turbografx-16 release titles. It's hideous. You'll probably prefer to stick your head in a toilet after an evening of booze and chips. Actually, that sounds much better than playing this game. Yuck.

### Cratermaze

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Action

1990

Rating: 5/10

And now, folks, another Turbografx game. Pity it isn't very much fun.

Here is a common problem with a lot of videogames. It was a problem in the past, and it's an even worse one today. It's an issue of piggybacking. Someone comes up with a really fun game, and others shamelessly steal from it. Most thefts go nowhere and are quickly forgotten. Some piracies result in new game ideas, and push the medium forward. _Cratermaze_? It fits into a third type, the games that are serial pirates.

Here is a game that reminds you of _Pac-Man_ , _Space Panic_ , _Lode Runner_ , _Bomberman_ , _Sokoban_ , _Adventures of Lolo_ , _Chip's Challenge_ , _Crystal Mines_....have I left anyone out? It's like those cramped high school lockers you were forced to use. By the end of the year, it's just packed with trash from everywhere. You're better off just keeping the door locked and standing clear before all the contents explode.

If you're still curious, _Cratermaze_ is a maze puzzler where you play as a spaceman who collects gold icons in order to clear levels. You are pursued by a pair — that's right, only two — of weird aliens who don't put much effort into chasing you around. If you're too bothered, you can collect enough power-up icons to blast them away effortlessly, or shoot entire rows of holes in the ground, only to bury them mercilessly seconds later.

I remember Atari 2600 games that included a teddy bear icon on the box. That meant that some game variations were set specifically for young children. That was the extra-easy mode, _Ms. Pac-Man_ with only one ghost, for example. _Cratermaze_ is a Teddy Bear Game. If you can't skate your way through the levels, you're really not trying. Maybe this hobby just ain't for you. You're probably better off owning those shoes with velcro instead of shoelaces.

Maybe I'm being a bit hard. Chalk that up to disappointment. I really wanted to like this one. The graphics are bold and colorful, and the music harks back to the classic arcade games of the early '80s. Perhaps it really was intended to be a game for kids. Whatever. All videogames were made for kids back then — don't let anyone fool you otherwise. And a lot of those games were brutally hard. The ones you could sleepwalk through were quickly forgotten. They weren't even "rental" games. They were the games you'd play at a friend's house for ten minutes, so you could thank yourself for saving the money for a longer investment. Like bubblegum.

The poor Turbo was so overwhelmed with space shoot-em-ups that anything remotely different was given more attention than it deserved. _Cratermaze_ doesn't deserve your attention. Hell, it doesn't even deserve to be written about or read about now. But I'm in a low and depressed mood after watching a week's worth of World War II documentaries, and I need to find something, anything, to begin to restore my faith in humanity.

Writing about this game doesn't help much, to be honest. But at least it keeps me occupied. And it doesn't result in a mountain of skulls to the moon. I really need some of that bubblegum right about now.

###  Devil's Crush

Naxat Soft for Turbografx-16

Pinball

1990

Rating: 10/10

_Devil's Crush_ is my favorite Turbografx videogame. It's also somewhere on my short list of all-time favorite videogames. I remember trying it for the first time back around 1991. I owned a Sega Genesis, and this kid at school had a Turbo. We made a temporary arrangement and swapped consoles. My friends and I enjoyed a mix of titles, including _Bonk's Adventure_ , _Military Madness_ , Veigues Tactical Gladiator, _Dragon's Curse_ , and _Alien Crush_. The best of them all was Naxat's _Devil's Crush_.

This was Naxat's second pinball game for the Turbografx, the first being _Alien Crush_. That game was one of the original launch titles from 1989, and was a decent show-off game, pretty good fun, even if extended periods of time revealed the gameplay to be shallow and repetitive. Clearly, Naxat was taking down extensive notes for their sequel.

_Devil's Crush_ is the definitive video pinball game. It was light years beyond everything that ever came before, and it proved so overpowering that no one has ever really tried to top it. Really, the only pinball games to appear in the succeeding years were straightforward, more, ahem, "realistic" pinball sims (Kaze's _Digital Pinball_ series on Sega Saturn is an excellent example). Sega wisely paid tribute with their excellent _Pinball of the Dead_ on Gameboy Advance, hewing tightly to Naxat's standard from a decade earlier.

Many pinball games tried to incorporate videogame elements, but most of them felt tacked on. Most of them were average to good, but not really inspired. Something was missing; that spark was lacking. _Revenge of the Gator_ on Gameboy; _Dino Land_ on Genesis; _Pinball Quest_ on NES. These are some good examples, but they were yesterday's games. _Devil's Crush_ was the evolutionary leap, the best fusion of the two entertainment realms, videogames and pinball.

The idea of taking a large pinball board and littering it with game characters is practically standard today, but here was the first title to ever really do it. I'm amazed that they managed to get it right. Naxat must have playtested until their fingers bled. It's not unlike playing on some old, neglected pinball machine, one that's become overrun by spiders and ants and hordes of creepy, crawly things. What a brilliant notion.

Is there a more stereotypical "heavy metal" videogame than _Devil's Crush_? I can't think of it. Skulls, monsters, bats, hooded monks, weird mutant frog creatures. Ronnie James Dio would love this game. I'm pretty sure this is what the world inside his head looked like; you may want to find an old vinyl copy of _Holy Diver_ to spin while you're playing. You should seriously consider that idea.

But then, I suppose, you'd be forced to turn the Dio record down, and turn the videogame music up. Here is one of the most celebrated game soundtracks of all time. The main board features only one song, a long and mean slice of heavy metal guitar rock heaven. It was the Turbografx-16's finest hour. Some classic gamers may insist that, nay, this is the greatest game soundtrack ever made. If that were put to me, I don't know where I'd fall down. If the _Devil's Crush_ theme isn't number one, it sure as hell deserves to be lurking close.

All of this underscores the basic fact — and this is one of those stupid videogame review cliches that I hate to repeat — that gameplay trumps everything. _Devil's Crush_ is a masterful game of pinball. The action is fast, the tension is deep, your reflexes are always tested. The board design takes after the more modern pinball games, with multiple goals and objectives. Ironically, these innovations were made in an effort to defend pinball against the onslaught of videogames, which cut deeply into their territory (pinball manufacturers bemoaned the "video threat" all throughout the 1980s and 1990s).

In addition to the three-screen table, with its multiple secrets and tasks, there are numerous bonus boards, where you must destroy various foes. This is a continuation from what Naxat did in _Alien Crush_ , only more intense and challenging. Apparently, you can actually "defeat" the board and win the game by winning all the bonus rounds, but I've never come anywhere close to reaching this goal. The only time I saw this was via cheat code for Technosoft's Sega Genesis version — an excellent translation, by the way, even if I still prefer the original. I'm enough of a fan that I'd gladly pay for the Genesis version as well, but Technosoft became one of Virtual Console's greatest holdouts, and their classic titles have yet to be revived for modern audiences.

Another dumb review cliche, another truth: Every gamer deserves to have _Devil's Crush_ in his or her library. You wanted a novel experience? Desperate for more instant arcade thrills? Eat this.

### Digital Champ: Battle Boxing

Naxat for PC Engine/Turbografx-16

Fighting

1989

Rating: 2/10

This is the song that doesn't end...Yes it goes on and on, my friend...Some start singing it not knowing was it was...And then they'll start singing forever just because...This is the song that doesn't end...

I'm honestly beginning to think _Devil's Crush_ was the only great videogame Naxat ever made. How else can I explain a painful toothache like _Digital Champ_? This boxing game is terrible. In fact, it's worse than terrible: it's mindlessly boring. I won't give out extremely low scores in my reviews unless the video game is somehow broken or unplayable, and such things are often subjective. But I say this title qualifies.

_Digital Champ: Boxing Battle_ is a boxing game that appeared on the PC Engine in 1989. It should have stayed in Japan. This is a game so mindless, so dull, so lacking in tension or passion that it barely qualifies as anything more than a glorious 16-bit graphics demo. Yes, the large fighters were impressive at the time, especially when compared to NES/Famicom games. But shallow beauty fades; there's no depth beneath the surface.

Obviously, when any videogamer thinks of boxing, _Mike Tyson's Punch-Out_ is the first name comes to mind. It's a classic videogame: fast, intense, challenging, fun. _Digital Champ_ is like a polarized mirror image: it gets nearly everything disastrously wrong. Punching is all button mashing and zero strategy. The opposing boxer shifts into the center of the screen, where they can be hit, sliding like a cardboard cutout. You can only throw high or low punches, and only angled to the center.

Moving or dodging your fighter is strangely sluggish. You have to press the joypad and then release it before moving. This renders strategy useless, since you cannot dodge incoming punches. You can try to bob and weave, but you're just shaking the camera around. And you can't devise combos or throw punches when moving. It's just tap-tap-tap. The computer opponent slides around, even moves into the background. So I'm reduced to tapping button and hoping he walks into the punch, like a cheap carnival attraction.

The worst offense? This game is agonizingly, dreadfully slow. One useless round grinds into another. My first opponent, a Rocky Balboa ripoff, took my endless barrage of punches, but he would never go down. After two or three rounds, I finally knocked him to the canvas. Count to eight, he rises again, and his strength is nearly full again. Augh! I must have punched this guy a hundred times, and he just gets back up and take a hundred more. Finally, after an eternity of button mashing, Rocky finally goes down in the 7th for good. Seven freaking rounds of monotony. Ugh, just turn it off, off, OFF.

Hudson Soft did an excellent job bringing the US Turbografx titles to Virtual Console. Now they need to be careful about bringing the strongest Japanese PC Engine games, not its worst failures. There are still many great titles: _Gradius_ , _Salamander_ , _Twin Cobra_ , _Tatsujin_ , _Daisenpu_ , _Raiden_ , _Xevious_ , _Image Fight_...arcade shoot-em-ups yes, but shooters were the PC Engine's bread and butter. I don't see what the hangup is. We're talking about guaranteed hits; we're talking about free money. Please, Hudson, don't drop the ball now.

### Double Dungeons

NCS for Turbografx-16

Adventure

1990

Rating: 3/10

_Double Dungeons_ was one of many dungeon-crawlers that were somehow popular on home computers back in the 1980s. I never understood the appeal and always believed these were the ultimate "nerd" videogames, the most direct descendent from pen-and-paper role playing games. It's the kind of game that separates the ordinary computer nerd from the super-nerd. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if you ever play one of these dungeon crawlers, start to finish, you're certain to die a virgin.

I'm not going to give _Double Dungeons_ a lower score than a 3, since there really isn't anything broken with the game. The controls are responsive and the screen is easy enough to read. There is even a two-player option, hence the name, even though you and your friend never directly interact with one another. This just isn't any fun. It was a boring and redundant sub-genre in the '80s, and it's even more boring and redundant today.

Here's how it works: you walk through an endless series of rat mazes. Occasionally, your path will be blocked by a stationary monster, generic RPG fluff like green or blue slime balls, spiders, scorpions, maybe even monsters, and you proceed to battle it out by rolling ten-sided dice; more accurately, you press a button on the controller. There is little strategy involved, aside from retreating when your health becomes drained from injuries.

As the title suggests, you have the option of playing with a friend in split-screen, each player controlling their own anonymous knight stuck in the rat mazes. Why are we doing this again? There isn't even any cheese at the end as a reward. I guess just rolling dice and killing the static picture of a spider is enough. Boo-ring!

Forget about any attempt at storytelling or character development. There is no saga and no outer world. You're not on a quest to save the kingdom or rescue the princess or get Ms. Pac-Man pregnant. You're just...sigh, walking through these dull, colorless, featureless rat mazes, each identical and interchangeable to the last.

Whose idea of fun was this? I swear this lousy videogame was programmed by tax accountants. Next up: long division tables and story problems! And then we'll go to the box factory! Joy. Just shoot me now.

### Dragon Spirit

Namco for Turbografx-16

Shooter

1989

Rating: 6/10

The Turbografx-16 continues to solidify its comeback with another quality VC release. Kudos to Hudson Soft for quickly and efficiently plundering the library from this great, lamented videogames console. Here is another (yes, another) arcade shoot-em-up, Namco's _Dragon Spirit_.

_Dragon Spiri_ t first appeared in arcades in 1987, where it was moderately successful. The game's unique hook — at its core, it remains a vertically-scrolling shoot-em-up — is that your avatar is a fire-breathing dragon, who can be equipped with up to two additional heads, increasing your firepower. You fly over a variety of landscapes that are a mashup of Jurassic Age and Tolkien fantasy. This is one game you'll play while jamming to your old Ronnie James Dio albums.

In addition to your main weapon, you can also drop bombs onto the surface below, a very nice throwback Namco's classic _Xevious_ , one of the all-time great arcade shooters. A lot of videogames copied that dual-plane formula, and it never gets old. It does help to break up the monotony of shooting the same assortment of tiny monsters marching in long conga lines. In the game's second half, the mashup of ground and air assaults — giant frogs, sea monsters, creepy-crawly things — becomes quite intense. You are in for quite a challenge by the end.

The Turbografx presents a decent and somewhat passable conversion of the coin-op; it's much better than the tepid, watered-down pile of mediocrity that was the NES version, which was just bloody terrible. Nintendo's aging 8-bit hardware was lagging further and further behind the 16-bit arcade hits, and by 1989 and 1990, it was becoming, frankly, embarrassing. The Turbo version just glows with confidence by comparison.

That said, this is still a pretty weak version of _Dragon Spirit_. Much of the graphical detail has been smoothed over or removed; animation frames are missing, giving everything in motion a flat, paper-thin look. I was shocked when I looked at the arcade original after playing the TG-16 version. All of those terrific details, the rocks and cliffs, caves and valleys, are just wallpapered over in a single shade of green, brown or red. There's one stage where you fly through a series of caves, and the outer walls squeeze in and out. It looked more like _River Raid_ on the Atari 2600 than _Dragon Spirit_ the coin-op.

Similarly, while the music is chirpy and catchy, always with those bouncy, jangly chords the Turbo is known for, the sound effects are crumply, paper thin, blippy. For some reason, this was a common element for this system. Why is that? How can the music be so good while the rest of the audio is so lame? There's no low end to speak of whatsoever. Meanwhile, the Sega Genesis is booming out the bass — in full stereo, no less — through my stereo speakers. This only accentuates the differences between the two 16-bit consoles. The Genesis had vast untapped resources that allowed for late-era technical marvels such as _Gunstar Heroes_ , _Thunder Force IV_ , _Ranger-X_ , and so on. The Turbografx had far less hidden potential. _Dragon Spirit_ looks more or less typical of the system's powers, and it doesn't get much better than that. NEC/Hudson found themselves at the back of the pack fairly quickly. Which is why their system ended the race dead last.

Apart from _Dragon Spirit's_ atmosphere, what else can I say? It's standard shooter fare from the late '80s, trolling patterns of enemies, monsters on the ground that echo back to _Xevious_ (I'm still waiting for the PC Engine version to arrive on Virtual Console), very basic power-up icons. The turbo switches on the joypad make this game far easier than it ever deserved to be, but, hey, it's your choice. If you want to build up those forearm muscles, you'll have to play the old-fashioned way.

_Dragon Spirit_ was slightly dismissed by most critics at the time, and not without good reason. It's definitely a step below the arcade experience. But it could be (and has been) much worse, and the gameplay is intact, which is the only thing that matters in the end.

### Drop Off

Data East for PC Engine/Turbografx-16

Action

1990

Rating: 1/10

What the heck is this?! It feels like a car crash involving _Breakout_ or _Arkanoid_ with _Bubble Bobble_ and a very large overdose of cough medicine. It doesn't even remotely function. This is a concept of a game that should never have left the test stage. Perhaps the problem is that you control a creepy eyeball instead of a paddle. That was a terrible idea. Most likely, the basic premise simply doesn't work, and it never will.

_Drop Off_ is a terrible, awful, no-good videogame. You have so many better titles available on Virtual ConsolE and its digital peers. The PC Engine/Turbografx has many great videogames. This is not one of them. Please don't waste your precious money on this junk. Such a move is the textbook definition of waste, and the greatest sin in life is to waste your precious time.

Remember what I wrote about _Donkey Kong Jr. Math_? Here is another useless videogame that is begging to be detonated with small explosives. I'd rather hand my child a dead animal for their Christmas present than give them this hunk of junk. Unless we had a lot of fireworks and model rockets handy, in which case we'd probably have some fun destroying _Drop Off_. I'll bet this game card would blow up real good.

### Dungeon Explorer

Atlus for Turbografx-16

Adventure

1989

Rating:8/10

For Turbografx fans, here's the videogame that everyone's waiting to score. Here is one of the system's signature titles, an action-adventure with pop and vigor, endlessly challenging, tremendously entertaining with family or friends. Here is one of the system's best titles.

_Dungeon Explorer_ is an action-adventure game that is strongly influenced from Atari's seminal _Gauntlet_ , and this is fairly obvious with its overhead view, its cavernous dungeons, and its monster pits that endlessly generate ghoulish fiends hungry for blood. But there are also many conventional RPG elements, such as townspeople to meet and villages to explore. The action is tempered by exploration of the vast world before you, and the quest to restore an embattled kingdom.

Have I mentioned that a five-player multiplayer is available? Of course! NEC included only one controller port on their PC Engine/Turbo, which allowed them to cynically sell a separate multiplayer adaptor, the "Turbo Tap." This enabled up to five players to play together, one more than the industry-standard four. Unfortunately, as console accessories have always been a niche market, this prevented most software developers from anything more than single-player games. So the Turbo saw very few multiplayer games at all: the _Bomberman_ series and a small handful of largely forgettable sports titles. Slim pickings, mostly.

The moral lesson: short-sighted greed doesn't pay. Thank goodness the videogame industry never pulled this stunt again. Nintendo and Sega even tried to standardize four controller ports on their systems, which ushered in a golden era of local multiplayer action that has yet to be matched.

All of this makes _Dungeon Explorer_ a cherished title in the Turbografx library. You have five friends joining together in a quest, battling underground monsters, fighting fierce bosses that are all but impossible for any solo player, and generally having a great time. And the game's level design is built perfectly around this feature. Underground dungeons are complex and varied, but not overly crowded; it's nowhere as maze-like as the _Gauntlet_ series. Designs vary between earthen hovels and techno-futurist, between dungeons and overhead cities, with numerous characters to interact with. And the final showdown against the villain, a giant skull with large bony hands, requires teamwork to defeat.

If you asked me what I like most about _Dungeon Explorer_ , I'd say the music. Without any hesitation, it's the music. I think this is the best soundtrack in the console's library, a vibrant, full stereo mix that rings, echoes and churms in your head for days. I forget sometimes how talented the Japanese videogame musicians were back then. Many of them could have had very successful careers as pop music songwriters. They could have become famous stars with their catchy melodies and pop hooks. Yet they chose this young and often misunderstood medium instead; even among the most devoted fans, videogames are considered throwaway fluff, a mindless time-killing distraction and nothing more. These gifted musicians would argue otherwise, and the world is better for their work,

_Dungeon Explorer_ series would continue with a sequel on the PC Engine CD-ROM, which was also brought to the US by venerable import publishers Working Designs. This title was heavily reworked and released on the Super Famicom in Japan. Another sequel also appeared on the Sega CD and was released in the States. I'm not sure if any these games match the quality of the original, which somehow manages to take its very obvious influences and fuse them into something unique, something just slightly off the beaten path. The later titles are more conventional; they attempt to refine the basic formula, but play too safe.

This is just the sort of thing to make you wonder why _The Legend of Zelda_ doesn't offer multiplayer quests. Wouldn't you rather see Princess Zelda fight alongside Link instead of playing the helpless kidnap victim for the umpeenth time? Why does Nintendo stick with that hokey cliche, anyway? Talk about being stuck with stale old formulas.

### Final Soldier

Hudson Soft for Turbografx

Shooter

1991

Rating: 8/10

I have no idea why the Turbografx-16/PC Engine received so many scrolling arcade shoot-em-ups. It was a very popular genre of videogames at the time, and the system did an admirable job with titles like _R-Type_ and _Gradius_ , _Truxton_ and _Raiden_ and _Xevious_ , _Blazing Lasers and Super Star Soldier_. When you show a talent for something, all the world wants from you is more of that one thing.

_Final Soldier_ is the second of three entries in Hudson Soft's Star Soldier series, following 1990's _Super Star Soldier_ and 1992's _Soldier Blade_. Unlike its brethren, it was not released in the US, and remained a Japanese exclusive until its re-release on Nintendo's Virtual Console. Very odd that this one was singled out for exclusion; most likely NEC and Hudson wanted to diversify the console's library and wished to focus on other hit games like _Bonk's Adventure_. Perhaps they worried that the market was overcrowded with shoot-em-up titles. And perhaps the sales numbers simply weren't there. In Japan, your system could sustain itself on one or two kinds of games, like shooters or role-playing games. In the States, however, such a strategy is limiting, unless you're talking about sports.

Whatever the reasons, we can't blame _Final Soldier_ for its American exclusion. This is a terrific arcade shooter, supremely confident and polished; it's immediately clear from the beginning that Hudson has their formula down cold. They have a standard for consistency and quality that is, quietly, unmatched among its peers. Heck, even Technosoft couldn't maintain the same high across their three _Thunder Force_ games on the Sega Genesis. They couldn't keep their mojo going without the occasional stumble. But Hudson never had any such stumbles with their _Star Soldier_ series on the Turbo.

For the newcomers, _Final Soldier_ plays nearly the same as _Super Star Soldier_ and _Soldier Blade_. You pilot a spacecraft and fly missions over space stations and variously themed worlds, destroying smaller enemy ships, destroying larger "boss" ships, and finally invading the alien homeworld to win the galactic war. The pacing is extremely fast and smooth, controls are responsive, your ship has an impressive sense of speed (I always hated videogames where the spaceship moves too slow in order to jack up the difficulty). Players can pick up and start blasting within seconds, no instructions required or practice needed. And the difficulty curve is generous enough to allow you to complete several missions without becoming overwhelmed.

The major addition to this sequel is a larger selection of power-up weapons, including spread shots and flamethrowers, as well as the addition of smaller ships that shadow your movements, much like the Options in _Gradius_. You can also hurl them against foes in a suicide dive, which might become necessary in those later boss fights, which become pretty tough by the end.

I do enjoy the new locations such as a futuristic city, and the final mission, which involves very trippy psychedelic effects. The Turbo never seemed to pile on the crazy special effects like the Genesis could, so this is a nice surprise (each mission also ends with a cool pseudo-scaling tunnel effect). You're never going to see the spectacular visuals of _Gaiares_ , _Thunder Force 4_ , or _Gunstar Heroes_ , so these little moments should be cherished by the fans.

What more is there to say? You fly in a red spaceship and blast aliens. There are many pretty colors and big explosions. Your reflexes get a good workout. The music is catchy and rocks the funky beats. Hudson probably should have fixed that name, though. It's confusing as hell to have a videogame named _Final Soldier_ as the middle child in the trilogy.

### Galaga '90

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Shooter

1990

Rating: 7/10

Namco's _Galaga '90_ is another excellent addition to the Turbografx-16 library, although you probably wouldn't expect it at first. Gamers back in the year 1990 didn't think much of it, either. A modernized version of the ancient video arcade wasn't really the thing you wanted to see when your buddy with the Sega Genesis was throwing _Revenge of Shinobi_ and _Thunder Force 3_ in your face. Updated retro titles are the sort of videogame releases that condemn consoles to runner-up status.

Perhaps we'll be a little more forgiving by now. It's certainly been long enough for anyone, new or old, to give _Galaga '90_ a fair shot. The game deserves it. I was a great fan of the original _Galaga_ , even more than the original _Galaxian_. To my eyes, here was the archetypal shoot-em-up: scrolling backdrops, endless attack waves of space bugs, that terrific little secret of earning a second ship with the double-shot, and those groovy bonus rounds. The _Galaga '90_ edition only adds more sugar to the cookies.

Namco is very clever with this title. It appears, at first, to be happy as an updated retro game (only the date was changed for the Turbografx release). The same old classic with better graphics and flashy fireworks. And this spirit continues for several levels, until you are properly lulled along. Then your spaceship warps into uncharted space, and things really get interesting.

Not too many gamers were aware of all those shooters Namco made after _Galaga_. There were a couple more attempts to milk the old _Galaxian_ formula, before yielding to the more modern scrolling shooters. They pay homage to this tradition in _Galaga '90_ ; in a sense, showing you the evolution of the shooter genre.

In later zones, you'll find yourself in open space, moving to dodge giant asteroids (ah, clever tribute there), and runaway aliens swoop in here and there. Every once in awhile, a new attack wave appears. Sometimes it's in the _Galaga_ tradition, and sometimes it's just like old _Galaxian_ , attack patterns and all. Namco also takes a page from Taito's _Darius_ series, by allowing you to warp along a number of different paths. You'll have to play the whole game through many times to see all the worlds, and the action is compelling and speedy enough to hook you along for the ride.

By this point in the review, it's something of a cliche to point out the obvious, that the Turbografx has about a hundred million space shooters. Whatever. More lazy Mad Libs. _Galaga '90_ is a real standout; not something you're likely to spend hours or weeks glued to your television set playing, but perfect for that arcade fix. A couple quarters here, a couple quarters there, and before you know it, the afternoon is spent. Good times.

### Legend of Hero Tonma

Irem for Turbografx-16

Action

1993

Rating: 5/10

I've been searching around high and low trying to determine if _Legend of Hero Tonma_ was ever released in North America for the Turbografx-16. After much searching, I finally found a game box on Ebay, and that settled the matter. Apparently this was among the console's later releases, because I don't remember ever seeing or reading about this game before. Strange. But, then, the prozines all but abandoned the poor Turbo once the Super NES arrived, and it was clear who wasn't going to win the console race. Such is life.

_Legend of Hero Tonma_ was an arcade game by Irem. It's very much a part of that late 1980s action style, with a fast speed, endless onslaughts of enemies, and breezy power-ups. It's also a depressingly short and shallow game. Remember that these games were made to be played for a minute or two, at a quarter a pop; many arcade titles never translated smoothly to the home because of this. Home videogames are expected to be longer and deeper, offering more bang for the buck. Instant-caffeine-rush coin-ops are a different beast entirely.

As far as things go, this is a solid translation, one that captures the arcade very nicely. It's about as smooth and detailed as you can expect on the Turbo, capturing that bright, cartoony look. Characters are fairly large and detailed, and many of the game's bosses are large and impressive. Well, they look sort of nice. Most of 'em are complete pushovers, and don't offer any real challenge to anyone with a central nervous system. But they do look nice.

There are a lot of games that start out being really great fun, and one way or another leave you feeling burned out by the end. I think _Legend of Hero Tonma_ is one of those types. If you play for a little while, you might enjoy the fast action, all the running about and bopping on people's heads and shooting everything in sight....but like any sugar rush, it only lasts for a short while.

Sugar is all _Tonma_ really offers. it's far too short, just five or six short levels, a run-and-shoot against easily-disposed enemies, then a boss fight, then off to the next stage. It's embarrassing how short this game really is. It's not as if all arcade videogames were like this. _Shinobi_ , _Rygar_ , and _Ghosts 'N Goblins_ are all _Tonma's_ peers, and they were considerably longer and more difficult. To be fair, things do become slightly more challenging in the later stages, but that has more to do with your hero's floaty jumps than skilled design. This game should probably be completed by a skilled player within an hour. Two hours, tops.

Too bad, I really wanted to like this one. I began with high hopes. Perhaps if you're an arcade or action junkie, or if you are a beginner, you'll have a better run at it. This is a "novice" title that most players will beat easily. So I'll raise the final score by one, just for you. But don't complain to me when you never play this game again after a day or two. That's your six bucks, not mine.

### Military Madness

Hudson for Turbografx-16

Strategy/Simulation

1989

Rating: 6/10

Back in 1989, Hudson Soft released a military strategy game for the Turbografx-16 called _Military Madness_. It's a solid title that quickly built up a cult following, and is today widely regarded as one of the system's signature software titles, alongside the _Bonk_ series, the _Super Star Soldier_ series, _Dungeon Explorer_ and _Devil's Crush_.

In this game, you take command of various military units, tanks and jeeps and supply trucks, and then proceed to complete a number of missions on a futuristic lunar landscape. The action takes place on a hexagonal grid, common of the role-playing board games of the time (Steve Jackson Games' _Ogre_ is one such example), and players take turns moving and attacking units. There were a number of such games on the NES, and Hudson continues that tradition nicely.

I will grant a certain nostalgia for _Military Madness_ and give it the proper respect. Graphics are colorful and detailed, the music chirpy and harmonic in that Turbografx way, and missions against the computer armies are very challenging. It certainly has its devoted fans. But I don't think it has aged gracefully at all; time has not been kind. Here is one of those B-list games that only work on its respective console, and only because stronger titles are only available on rival systems.

Strategy videogames evolved and flourished during the 1990s: _Command and Conquer_ and _Warcraft_ on PC; _Herzog Zwei_ and _Shining Force_ on Sega Genesis; _Advance Wars_ and _Ogre Tactics_ on Gameboy Advance; _Dragon Force_ , _Terra Phantastica_ and _Wachenroder_ on Sega Saturn; _Final Fantasy Tactics_ on Playstation. Hudson's _Military Madness_ became overshadowed, surpassed by its peers, eclipsed. Its gameplay became too simple, too basic, too rudimentary.

And it became too unbalanced, especially on two-player matches, a feature which appears to have been added as an afterthought. The dual-player games are played on the single-player maps, with the same assortment of military units, which is nearly always tilted strongly towards one army or another. We're talking "unbalanced" as in the original 1991 Gulf War. One player has an overwhelming advantage in numbers and terrain. The other player just eats a bag of rocks. I cannot emphasize this point enough: the multiplayer is wrecked. It's a damn shame.

Back on the 16-bit front, Technosoft unveiled their Genesis masterpiece, _Herzog Zwei_ , during the 1989 launch window, and completely shattered Hudson's title to pieces. It was a revolutionary leap forward: a frantic fusion of arcade action and military strategy, all proceeding in real time, and all built exclusively around multiplayer. Turn-based combat became obsolete overnight. The future belonged to RTS, "Real Time Strategy." Westwood picked up that football and ran, and the rest is history.

_Herzog Zwei_ is a timeless classic. _Military Madness_ is a dinosaur bone.

###  Moto Roader

Hudson for Turbografx-16

Racing

1990

Rating: 3/10

Playing _Moto Roader_ on the Turbografx reminded me of a simple truism of the videogame industry: if a dedicated console fails in the marketplace, it's most likely not because it was an underdog or ahead of its time or unfairly snubbed by the mean kids. It fails because its software library failed to connect with an audience. For example, the NES had three classic racing games in its arsenal: _RC Pro Am_ , _Rad Racer_ and _Micro Machines_. They're just as fun to play today as a quarter century ago. This TG-16 racing title is an absolute train wreck by comparison.

Now it's true that all game systems have their share of bad software titles. But there are only so many disappointments one is willing to endure before giving up and joining the other side. And for some genres of games, you absolutely must have a hit. You must have a great sports game in your system library. You must have a great multiplayer party game. And you must have at least one great racing title.

_Victory Road_ , a 1989 launch title that closely copied Sega's _Outrun_ , was not lacking in ideas, but its execution was a mild disappointment. It was one of those games that Turbo owners would force themselves to play because, honestly, there's nothing else available. You have no choice, so you slog ahead and make the best of it, and maybe your blah-meh average-or-worse videogame will offer some enjoyment. But in the back of your head, you're wishing for that killer title the competition is offering.

_Moto Roader_ is the sort of racing title that leaves you asking, "Why am I not playing _RC Pro-Am_ instead of this hunk of junk?" Worse, it's the system's second major failure in the genre, in a system overloaded in arcade shoot-em-ups and starving for everything else. That lack of balance proved the TG-16's undoing. And after a few attempted playthroughs, you begin to face hard truths: this is as good as as it's ever gonna get.

So what kind of racing videogame is _Moto Racer_? A very, very slow racing game, that's what. A collection of very basic racetracks with little or no variety, and often with obstacles that block the road at hard right angles. A somewhat pedestrian graphics style, a lack of visual detail, and vehicles too large for the screen. Sluggish steering and sluggish acceleration from the cars. An emphasis on buying upgrades for your vehicle without quite knowing what's needed most, or what even works.

Worst of all, _Moto Roader_ has this annoying trait of cars being picked up and dropped back onto the track if they fall behind. Your car isn't turned around, but stays in the position where it was left behind. This becomes a nightmare if you fall off the screen on winding curves; it means you simply bounce back and forth, across the screen in a giant bubble, as the computer tries and fails to put you back in the race. It's all a complete mess.

And have I mentioned that this videogame is freakishly slow? There's a flyover before each race, to show you the layout; it's a nice moment and builds up your hopes. Why can't the actual race move that fast? I swear we're driving shopping carts. You can't drive, you can barely steer, the upgrades are useless, and you're being kicked around in that stupid bubble. To heck with this. I'm out.

The main selling point to _Moto Roader_ is the five-player action, courtesy of the Turbografx Turbotap (if nothing else, NEC knew their branding); score one point for the Nintendo Virtual Console, which spares you the cost of needless accessories. I still can't believe this system used only one controller port. What a shameless, cynical way to jack your fans for extra money.

By the time this title arrived on store shelves, the Sega Genesis was firing on all cylinders and getting ready for their mammoth war against the seemingly indestructible Nintendo. And they had some really killer racing games, including _Super Hang-On_ and _Super Monaco GP_. Heck, the Genesis even had its own version of _RC Pro-Am_. You can see how this story ends, right?

### Neutopia

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Adventure

1990

Rating: 7/10

Hudson Soft's _Neutopia_ was one of the standout titles for the poor, battered Turbografx-16, which felt the squeeze of Sega's arcade hits from one end, and Nintendo's licensing monopoly from the other. There's a reason many of the PC Engine's best moments were kept away from Western fans. Thankfully, this little gem managed to make the trip across the ocean, and for that, we are all eternally grateful.

On first glance, _Neutopia_ appears to be a shameless _Legend of Zelda_ ripoff. On second, third, fourth, fifth glance? Yep, definitely a _Legend of Zelda_ knockoff, shameless and proud. But is that really a bad thing? I hate to break it to you, kids, but this is the dirty little secret of this medium: most videogames are ripoffs of bigger hits. Everything is a clone of a clone. The good news is that _Neutopia_ happens to be one of the better clones.

Hudson Soft built its reputation on quality, less so on innovation or invention. They were the great traditionalists, playing the venerated classics, playing true renditions of the big-name hits. This was especially valued on a lesser system such as Turbografx, which never had a Sega or Nintendo in their stable. You're not looking for the next _Nevermind_ , the next _Ten_ , the next _Badmotorfinger_ , because those blockbusters aren't coming. What matters most is a reliable supply of good hits. And the ever-dependable Hudson always delivered the goods.

Creating a successful _Zelda_ clone is a lot harder than it looks. For many years, software developers tried their hand at Nintendo's classic action-RPG formula, usually struggling and often failing. For every successful effort like _Neutopia_ , you get hit with a stinkbomb like _Spiritual Warfare_. Even the better genre titles like _Willow_ (NES), _Crusader of Centy_ (Genesis) and _Legend of Oasis_ (Saturn) have uneven moments, occasionally struggling with pacing or identity. Hudson's _Neutopia_ never suffers any identity crisis; it's a pure genre exercise, it sticks to the formula, and it executes very well.

What _Neutopia_ offers in its favor is the 16-bit power of the Turbografx, displaying bright colors, varied landscapes and large character sprites that bounce and dance about. Numerous villagers are available to offer advice and the occasional item upgrade. Monsters range from bubble slimes to scorpions, snakes, werewolves, ghosts, armored soldiers and mutant pig-men. Dungeon bosses are large, impressively animated, and endlessly challenging. I especially like the segmented centipede, which tries to reassemble itself after your attacks dismember it, and the climactic showdown against the master villain Dirth, a warrior who shields himself inside an enormous golden head. Everything just looks great, an early demonstration of the 16-bit future that awaited the post-NES world, one determined to be far more colorful, far less dreary and drab.

I often sing the praises of the Turbografx sound chip, which produces wonderful rich tones, twangy harmonies and singalong melodies. It's an underrated system for chiptune music, and deserves to be embraced more openly by enthusiasts and indie musicians. And _Neutopia_ is one of the Turbo's best examples of this. Sound effects are arcade-quality (if you frequented video arcades in the late '80s to early '90s, you know what I mean), and music is instantly memorable, endlessly hummable. Yes, it's true that nothing in this game matches Nintendo's original _Legend of Zelda_ theme, but what else does? Be honest. You've had the _Zelda_ song playing in your head all during this review.

_Neutopia's_ quest takes you on a variety of lands, green valleys, endless oceans, arctic mountains, mysterious caves, foreboding dungeons. Secret rooms are found on nearly every screen. The boss fights can be challenging, especially the final showdown. You know what to expect. There are few, if any, surprises or variations on the _Zelda_ formula. Again, this game is a genre exercise, a bluesman who plays the standards.

When it comes to action-RPG videogames, the early _Zelda_ titles have always been the king. I think _Golvellius_ , developed by Compile and published by Sega for the Master System, is the only rival that really competes against Nintendo. Perhaps _Neutopia 2_ should be included in those ranks; Hudson pulled out all the stops and crafted a near-perfect sequel. The original is a solid foundation on which that sequel is built. You can't go wrong here.

I'm finishing this essay at the doctor's office, and my eyes have just been dilated for my regular exam. I'll finish here before my vision becomes complete mush.

### Neutopia 2

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Adventure

1992

Rating: 9/10

Hey, wasn't the first _Neutopia_ released to Virtual Console, like, last month? August 20, to be precise. Hudson likely figured that you had enough time to finish that game, and since you had such a fun time wasting your precious hours away, here's the crack sequel, better in every way. Pony up the cash, kids.

If you thought that first game was a ripoff of _The Legend of Zelda_...hoo, boy. Get a load of the title screen from the sequel. Hudson didn't even try to hide it this time. They gave up any pretense of originality, and instead focused on creating the best damn _Zelda_ clone they could. I think they really did a great job. I still insist that Compile's _Golvellius_ was the best Zelda-esque Action-RPG ever made, but chalk up _Neutopia 2_ for the runner-up.

This game features one unique premise, and it's one that I'm surprised Nintendo never tried. In this game, you play the son of the hero from the first game, who has turned up missing. You spend the game chasing him down. Travelling through towns and exploring dungeons is merely something that happens along the way.

I've spent some time with this videogame, since I, unfortunately, missed it entirely the first time around. I only had one or two chances to spend time with the Turbografx-16 back then. Fortunately, I knew a kid in my high school, and we swapped game systems for a month: his Turbo for my Genesis. It was a good plan. I think this was after _Sonic the Hedgehog_ appeared, after the Super Nintendo was in the game, and poor Turbo was a distant third and on its way out. The next time I saw any TG-16 systems was when local stores were dumping excess stock at fire-sale prices (a Toys-R-Us was selling systems for $40, if you can believe that).

It's too bad the TG-16 couldn't survive longer, because it meant that a great game like _Neutopia 2_ largely missed out. It deserved to find an audience, to become a commercial hit. You have to admire Hudson's drive to push the system's limits, and push themselves. The first _Neutopia_ looked very good for the time, and the sequel improves in every way. It's really amazing, actually. The landscapes look terrific, brilliantly conceived and varied, richly detailed and colorful. There are many small touches like grass and trees and rocks, desert and snow, and underground caves without any light. And players always find a wide assortment of monsters that lie scattered about. Here is a standout title of the 16-bit era.

Your main character (he is never properly named) can also move and attack in eight directions, instead of only up-down-left-right. This is a nice addition, one of those obvious things that too few developers noticed when copying the original 1986 _Zelda_. The feel is more loose, as well; the pace seems a touch faster and more limber. _Neutopia 2_ is like an athlete who's already warmed up and ready for action.

The enemy monsters are always challenging, the dungeons always filled with dangers at every turn, and the game is always challenging without becoming difficult or easy. _Neutopia 2_ , like its predecessor, is very much Hudson's answer to the original _Zelda_ , and this is a very good thing. I am reminded how much I miss this classic Action-RPG formula, as Nintendo has allowed the _Zelda_ series to drift and languish in mediocrity, always obsessed with dumb puzzles or "telling stories." I could personally care less. If I want a story, I won't play a videogame. I'll watch a movie or read a book.

I find myself constantly praising Hudson Soft's virtues with their Turbografx reissues on Virtual Console, and there's a reason for that. They deserve accolades for their efforts. If the broader gaming public doesn't stand up and take notice of classics like this, then there's really no hope for them, is there? Whatever, it's their loss.

### Power Golf

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Sports

1989

Rating: 5/10

Trying to find a proper balance as a videogame critic remains an ongoing process for me. Some weeks, I'll write a review that's somewhat generous. I'm not out here to hurt anyone's feelings, after all. Then my grouchy punk side kicks in, and I really wallop the next guilty party to cross my path. Then I feel a little sorry; heck, it's not like the people who made those early NES games were bad people. At least they're not advocating torture or drowning puppies. So I try to be more understanding the next time.

Which brings us to _Power Golf_ for the Turbografx-16. The next average game I see is really going to get hit. But, for now, we'll just head back to that old safeguard, the shrug-of-the-shoulders 5/10 rating. This isn't a videogame that any self-respecting kid would buy, especially not when _The Legendary Axe_ , _Blazing Lasers_ and _R-Type_ are available. No, this is one of those games that Grandpa and Grandma buy you for Christmas; you smile and say thanks and try your best to hide the disappointment, and the coming dread of trying to one-up that other kid who got a Sega Genesis with _Ghouls 'N Ghosts_.

The TG-16 was a videogame system that, for whatever reasons, never came together with good sports titles. The best they ever did was the _Power League_ series of baseball games; the first in the series appeared in the States as _World Class Baseball_ to a very lukewarm reception, but later installments improved dramatically. Even still, it was a fairly standard, by-the-book video baseball series, which was the best the Turbo could muster. All the other sports were either absent or atrocious.

So I suppose, in that context, that _Power Golf_ really isn't that bad. It could have been worse. It could have been part of the _TV Sports_ franchise, a rather sorry series of sports titles that arose around the same time that Electronic Arts took over the scene. Videogame golf is just not one of the better sports. For whatever reasons, game designers could never really master its nuances or style. There were two main schools of video golf. One was the arcade route, which probably started with _Golf_ on the Atari 2600 VCS, continuing through the likes of Nintendo's golf games. Today, that strain is seen through Camelot and Tecmo's series of cutesy golf, _Hot Shots Golf_. The second was the more serious, simulation route. US Gold's _Leaderboard Golf_ on the 8-bit home computers became the archetype for this approach. These games are more detailed, more complex, but notably slower and really not much fun for the non-golfer. Links and EA's _Tiger Woods PGA_ series are good examples of this.

Hudson's _Power Golf_ fits squarely into the first school of videogame golf. It's a relatively speedy and brisk game of arcade fun. There's catchy music, chirpy and twangy in that Turbografx style, bright and confident graphics, and matches that just breeze. There certainly isn't much in the way of character or style, which won't make impressions on later generations of gamers. If you get your kicks from _Hot Shots Golf_ — I always liked it when your player could make annoying noises when your friend is trying to swing — then this will feel a touch sterile.

At least the basics are covered. You only have a single 18-hole course to play, and a choice of three generic golf characters, but at least you have a playable game that isn't too straining on the eyes or brain. This means it's a better choice than a lot of NES golf games. Not that we're about to start reaching for any of those cartridges.

I don't think I've ever played more than a few holes with _Power Golf_ without becoming bored. I've popped the game on a few times, but it never succeeded in holding my attention or capturing my imagination for very long. There's no hook. It's just, you know, a game of golf. A game of golf reduced to hitting a button at the right time, and hovering over the course from a blimp's perspective. Hmm. Perhaps that's why these games fail to impress me. I never feel like I'm in the game. I feel like I'm reading maps or watching the satellite images from outer space.

Fortunately, golf videogames have improved greatly over the years. It's enough to render nearly all the older titles obsolete. There's an arcade golf game on the Neo-Geo called _Neo Turf Masters_ which is absolutely smashing, but beyond that, I could do away with every golf title ever made before the arrival of the Playstation and Saturn. Better yet, let's hold out for Nintendo's revolutionary Wii Remote and play a round of golf on _Wii Sports_ or _Tiger Woods PGA_. Swinging is far more entertaining than simply pressing a button from above the clouds.

### R-Type

Irem for Turbografx-16

Shooter

1989

Rating: 9/10

_R-Type_ is one of the great 1980s arcade videogames, fiendishly difficult, as tense and suspenseful as any horror movie, as thrilling and exciting as any roller coaster, as addictive as crack. In a pn age when kids demanded the toughest challenge, this game delivered in spades. It still intimidates to this day. Here lies the textbook definition of "hardcore videogame."

Konami's _Gradius_ (originally released in Japan as _Nemesis_ ) redefined arcade shoot-em-ups in the post-crash world, taking the early _Defender_ template and fusing it to the expansive scrolling worlds of _Super Mario Brothers_. Instead of an arena shooter where high scores are king, there lies an expansive journey across varied worlds and realms. There is a purpose, a goal, and a final adversary to overcome. The shoot-em-up genre has become infused with narrative.

Irem took Konami's innovation and ran with it, pushing the genre to its absolute limits in layout, design, and aesthetics. The familiar rows of easily-disposed spaceships quickly give way to challenging and ever-more surreal alien foes. You quickly become caught inside complex machinery, large mechanical arms and circular wheels with guns pointed in every direction. And if you survive those, you face enormous aliens, tentacled monsters, gruesome intestinal creatures with flying mechanical tumors. It's all so wonderfully grotesque and organic, and it's a pity that later sequels never quite equalled such twisted genius (although Irem's arcade shooter _X-Multiply_ is very close in style, and suitably creepy).

_R-Type_ was clearly inspired by the surrealist horror of H.R. Giger, whose style became famous in the wake of the popular _Alien_ movies (1980s arcade games were notorious for ripping off pop culture). This, in turn, inspired countless video and computer games. Many elements, especially the power-up weapons and boss fights, have been copied verbatim by many shooters over many years.

Ah, yes, the power-ups! The most important element of this videogame! Your spaceship is equipped only with a basic pulse laser, which can be charged into a more powerful blast, but you can also find the Force Pod, a large cannon that also doubles as a shield. You can attach it to either side of your ship, allowing you to fire in reverse and hit those annoying bastards sneaking up behind you. You can also upgrade your weapon to fire a three-way laser, or a very colorful curved shot that resembles a large DNA strand. Blinding me with with science...Science!

Of course, one can never discuss _R-Type_ without mentioning the difficulty. This is one hard videogame. Brutally hard. Punch you in the stomach and steal your lunch money hard. Your ship is endlessly assaulted on all sides by soldiers, spaceships, machines and monsters, and you only have your crummy pea-shooter and Force Pod to help. There are no shields or invulnerability power-ups. A single hit destroys your ship. If killed, you can restart in the middle of a level, if you progress far enough. But that's it. Post-crash videogames are defined by pattern memorization, not improvisation. That is your only saving grace. I told you this was a "hardcore game" (in the classic, name-on-all-the-high-score-tables sense).

For NEC and Hudson Soft, _R-Type_ was a critical title for their fledgling system in Japan, the PC Engine. Released in the midst of Nintendo's Famicom craze, it provided arcade thrills far beyond anything on the 8-bit scene, and a translation that was virtually identical to the coin-op. It was actually released in two parts in Japan, before a final "complete" game card that featured all eight levels was released. This is the version that was released for the American Turbografx-16 in 1989. It is an absolute must for Turbo fans; I would easily rank this title in the system library's five best games, alongside _Devil's Crush_ and _Legendary Axe_ and whichever _Bonk_ game you enjoy the most.

If I don't give _R-Type_ a perfect ten, it's not because of any faults or gameplay flaws; it's just fiendishly difficult, a touch slow, a tad short. Technosoft's fantastic _Thunder Force III_ mastered the formula, and even paid direct homage with its own "giant battleship" level and cyber-organic designs. Telenet's masterful _Gaiares_ turned the Force Pod into a device that leeches on enemy spaceships, stealing their weapons (a crazy brilliant idea that was, strangely, never seen again). But there's no denying where everybody drew their inspiration. _R-Type_ is the delta where all the best blues songs were stolen.

### Samurai Ghost

Hudson for Turbografx-16

Action

1992

Rating: 4/10

Yuck. Do you know that feeling you have when you wake up in the morning, that stale, swampy feeling in your mouth? Eww. That's the one. You can either get it by poor eating habits, drinking yourself stupid, or playing this dumb videogame. Choose your poison.

There's a reason why the Turbografx-16 failed to gain any traction in the West, despite a hardware console that was competitive with Sega's Genesis: too many games in its software library stunk. A few gems, yes. An undiscovered classic here and there, of course. But the majority of titles released for the American system were failures.

_Samurai Ghost_ is one example of those sort of games that tried to sit on the cutting edge of graphics, only to be upended before the ink was dry. It appeared first as an arcade title, where I'm sure a few kids and teenagers were successfully suckered out of their lunch money. At least in the arcades, you could play something that offered bigger, brighter, and more varied graphics than in the home. Was there much depth to most of these coin-op games? Not much. The only real purpose is to take away your quarters at a steady clip, all while offering just enough entertainment value to justify another play.

The video games in the home, naturally, were aimed at different goals. The focus there was on long-term gameplay, a more thorough experience. More depth. _The Legend of Zelda_ , for instance, would never work in a video arcade. That's an archetype for the home consoles.

_Samurai Ghost_ firmly fits into the first category. It's a very basic side-scrolling platformer, where you control some sort of samurai zombie, or something. I really don't know who or what he's supposed to be. Is he dead? Living? Did he time-travel from the past? Or did he just come from the poor neighborhoods? Hard to tell. In any case, this character sure don't look good.

Like many mediocre arcade and Turbografx games from this period, the game itself is embarrassingly basic. You really just walk along a straight path, left to right. There might be some jumping on floating platforms here and there, but for the most part you're taking a stroll. The complex, complicated level designs from the late-era NES hits, classics like _Super Mario Bros 3_ , _Ninja Gaiden_ , _Castlevania 3_ , the _Mega Man_ games, and so on, are far superior to something like this. Those games had to rely upon more challenging ideas to keep kids from drifting away, moving up the ladder to those exciting, new 16-bit machines. The old Nintendo was showing its age, but it had experience, and this was its key to success.

Too many early 16-bit videogames from 1989 and 1990 felt more like technology experiments than proper games. How large should character sprites be? How should levels be designed as a result? How are background graphics handled? Should new controller or gameplay ideas be introduced? There are no schools to learn any of this. It's all touchy-feely, learned on the spot, evolving in the brush. The end result is that you get stuck with an unpolished mess like _Samurai Ghost,_ while all the other kids are barreling through the spectacular _Ninja Gaiden 2: The Dark Sword of Chaos_ on NES. Don't you feel like a chump?

Now here's the real issue with this game, and it's probably going to be the one thing it's remembered for. The samurai...ghost...zombie...heck, what should we call this guy? Let's call him Doug. When Doug swings that giant sword he carries, his arms move in this strange, disjointed fashion. It's very creepy and strange, and not in that Halloween way. It's not very effective for graphics or gameplay.

There a normal way a videogame character throws a sword, a certain swiftness and grace of movement. Then you have the _Samurai Ghost_ method, where the limbs are completely detached from each other, that make you think Doug has broken all the bones in both his arms. How else to explain this? I can't imagine any kid showing this game off to his friends without feeling embarrassed. High school's tough enough as it is. He doesn't need to be piled on.

So Doug can't move a sword without looking weird. The problem, also, is that his movements are very slow, so he's not very good at hitting anything. What's the point to this? What are you supposed to do against some skeleton warrior with his own sword? Take your licks, that's what. Just mash buttons and hope Doug gets his act together. Can't he just head-butt his foes instead? He's wearing that stupid pointy hat, fer cryin' out loud. What a useless blockhead. No wonder he's a ghost.

### Shockman

Masaya and NCS for Turbografx-16

Action

1992

Rating: 2/10

I knew _Mega Man_. _Mega Man_ was a good friend of mine. _Shockman_ , you're no _Mega Man_.

For reasons I've never understood, the PC Engine/Turbografx was home to a thousand excellent space shoot-em-ups, but hardly any good action-platformers. When it comes to competing with _Super Mario_ or _Contra_ or _Mega Man_ , the system's software library just cannot compete. Why is this so? I really don't know. Sometimes in life, these things just happen.

If you're feeling generous, then _Shockman_ might pass as mediocre, but I say it's just terrible. I don't see any reason to waste your time on a shallow _Mega Man_ ripoff when you could just as easily play the real thing. And if you're paying to play on Virtual Console, there's really no excuse. The controls on this game are so floaty, so slow, that _Shockman_ feels unplayable. It's broken. Simple as that. You can't move, you can't fire your weapon. You can't get out of first gear. Any degree of play testing would have borne this out.

This doesn't feel like a console game. It feels like a C-list arcade game from the mid-1980s, the kind of sloppy mess that you would try once and then immediately forget as you moved to the next distraction. How did Masaya and NCS drop the ball on this one? These guys were very skilled at creating shoot-em-ups, including _Target Earth_ , _Assault Suit Leynos 2_ , and _Cybernator_. On the other hand, they were also responsible for that joyless dungeon-crawling RPG, _Double Dungeons_. Perhaps there lies the problem: skillful design for one genre does not necessarily translate to another.

Whatever. Life is sweet and all too short and if a videogame can't even play right, then what's the point? _Shockman_ doesn't play right, and it should never have been brought home from the arcades. Forget it and move on to the next distraction. Go visit the neighborhood comic book store, or look for nickels on the sidewalk outside, or go stare at some ants in your backyard. Any of these would be better.

### Super Star Soldier

Hudson for Turbografx

Shooter

1990

Rating: 8/10

_Super Star Soldier_ is the first of a trilogy of space shoot-em-ups created by Hudson Soft for the Turbografx-16, all part of their long-running _Star Soldier_ series. All three titles are excellent and highly playable, and you're a fan of the genre, you'll want to own the entire set, but if you only one, make it this one.

This is a terrific showcase for the Turbografx. It may even be my favorite shooter for the system, more than _Blazing Lasers_ and _R-Type_ , which were early standouts. Hudson gets everything right: that thrilling sense of speed, the challenge of dodging vast numbers of enemy ships and targets, the firepower of your power-up weapons, the challenging end-level bosses. Right at the beginning, you are sent hurtling across a cast space station, blasting turrets, avoiding girders, trying not to get hit in the chaos. The speed is very fast, your controls loose and responsive. Everything flows perfectly, and you're quickly caught in the rhythm.

Gamers once had a word to describe a great shooter: _intensity_. It means the game has the right formula of speed, rhythm and pacing, enemies that are numerous yet not overwhelming, power-up weapons that are sufficiently powerful, and difficulty that is not too easy, yet not too hard. _Super Star Soldier_ is a pretty intense game; not up to the stratospheric level of Technosoft or Toaplan or Telenet, but very impressive in its own right.

Fortunately, the difficulty curve is smooth, meaning you won't be overwhelmed in the first couple levels. Anyone can play for five or ten minutes and have a good time. It feels very accessible to players of all skill levels, which is a welcome sight in an age of "hardcore" dominance, Unlike the one-hit kills of most shooters, _Super Star Soldier_ reduces your weapon's power each time your ship is hit. I like this idea; it does help to make things easier, and since the game hands out power-up icons like candy, you'll always remain competitive. Compare this to _Gradius_ , where you lose everything when killed and have to begin again with a basic pea-shooter. You might as well quit and start all over again, aiming for a perfect no-kills run.

Graphics are more polished than the mildly austere _Blazing Lazers_ , more colorful and cartoonish than the surreal _R-Type_ , but less involving and immersive than, say, _Truxton_ or _Fire Shark_ , two classic Toaplan shoot-em-ups. Most levels take place in outer space, but I also enjoyed the lava planet, with its eruptions and overflows, and the desert world with its large crab monsters. The enemy sprites are mostly small, rarely larger than your own ship, and if there's a critique to be made, it's here. I would have liked to see some bigger opponents now and then, just to mix things up. Fortunately, _Soldier Blade_ delivers on this request.

The music is terrific, full of crunchy melodies and low-end pulsing beats. The Turbografx never could punch out bass as mightily as the Genesis, but this is a rare exception. I've always found videogame "chiptune" music so fascinating. It's a very unique mash-up of techno, guitar rock, and chirpy singalong pop. Many of these musical composers could have made successful careers in the mainstream music world, or perhaps composing movie scores. Why they chose to create their art for humble videogames remains a mystery. I've never understood why they pursued this path. But I am very glad that they did. It speaks to the hopes and dreams of a technological future, the dawn of The Computer Age. We were supposed to be living in _Star Trek_ and _The Jetsons_ by now. That never quite panned out. But at least we can still dream. One more quarter. One more play.

### Victory Run

Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Racing

1989

Rating: 6/10

_Victory Run_ is one of those videogames that I come back to play now and again, not because it's great, but because it's frustrating. There's a stubbornness in that frustration, a belief that things will get better the next time, that somehow everything will click the next try. This game has qualities and faults in equal measure, and whether I like it or hate it really depends on the time of day.

That said, I do respect what Hudson Soft has done with _Victory Road_. It is a signature title for the Turbografx, and easily the system's best racing title. As opposed to what, you may ask? Well...mumble, mumble. No point being picky about such matters.

_Victory Road_ is an arcade racing game that is loosely based on the Paris-Dakar Rally. You drive a sports car on a cross-country race, over twists and turns and rolling hills, dodging traffic, trying not to crash, and hoping to make it to that next checkpoint before time runs out. It clearly owes everything to Sega's _Hang-On_ and _Outrun_ , and the many racing titles that followed, but it makes a few key changes that may hold your interest.

This videogame is an endurance test, one that challenges not only your skills, but your resource management. At the beginning, you are given a number of tokens to spend on items for your vehicle: tires, gear shift, engine, suspension, and brakes. At each checkpoint, you are allowed to make repairs to components that have become worn or damaged. Which car parts to repair will largely depend on your driving skill. Do you fly over bumps and hills at top speed? That could wreck your suspension. Are you an amateur at manual transmission? Then you'll break your engine and gearbox. Too much squealing and your tires will be blown. Too many crashes and...well, actually, not much happens when you flip your car over a boulder. You just lose a lot of precious time. That's a bit inconsistent.

This maintenance adds a degree of strategy to the gameplay, and it's a novel idea in 1989. This is long before the likes of _Daytona USA_ , _Sega Rally Championship_ , or _Gran Turismo_. So give Hudson credit for finding new wrinkles to established genres. Their designers and programmers were always good at that.

So much for the design theory behind _Victory Road_ ; what's the actual practice? Well, my races go like this: I race at top speed as much as possible, constantly forget to let off the gas on turns, always forget about those big bumps, and change my gears in heavy traffic so many times I blow out my engine, and have to hobble to the checkpoint in third gear.

Let's also not forget the crashing, which is pretty easy to do. The roads are three lanes wide, but narrow, and often crowded with large vehicles. It's easy to bump or get bumped, and when that happens, your car is knocked off the road, which may or may not put you directly in line with a large rock or tree. Crash, then flip a couple times, then wait as the computer slowly puts you back on the track. Do that once or twice and you'll run out of time fast.

These stupid crashes always irritate me. There once was a time when all racing videogames completely shoved your vehicle off the road, to a complete stop, whenever you touch another car's back bumper. It made racing a real pain in the neck. I'm glad videogames have become more lenient and forgiving since then.

I'm already feeling frustrated about _Victory Road_ just thinking about the blown engine and sucker-punch crashes. But I keep telling myself it's only my fault, and the next game will go more smoothly. I've been saying this since 1990. One of these years, I'll finally get some payback. Right? Bueller? Little Joe? McCloud?

### Vigilante

Irem for Turbografx-16

Fihting

1989

Rating: 6/10

Somewhere around 1985 or so, Irem created one of the great arcade blockbusters of the 1980s, a Bruce Lee-inspired martial arts title called _Kung-Fu Master_. It was a great success, and spawned a good number of clones, followers and well-wishers. _Last Battle_ on the Genesis is a good example. Irem later made a sequel of sorts called _Vigilante_. It was basically the same game, a scrolling-left-to-right beat-em-up, but with far sharper, detailed graphics and a gritty, urban setting.

_Vigilante_ was among the first Turbografx-16 releases, and while it was a quality standout for the new system, it was met with poor reviews. In the latter half of 1989, the relatively simple gameplay felt antiquated in the shadows of _Double Dragon_ and _Bad Dudes_ , _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ and _Final Fight_ , arcade hits that raised the martial arts videogame to the next level. By the dawn of the 16-bit era, Irem's effort was looking very outdated, like an Atari 2600 throwback among lumbering dinosaurs.

The Virtual Console gives us a chance to revisit _Vigilante_ and give it a fair chance. This was my first time playing for any extended period of time in ages. I was never a fan, but I figured, what the heck, it's worth twenty minutes of my time. Little did I realize how right that assessment was.

Here's where the game succeeds. It's an intense, fast-paced game that never lets up for a second. I'm greatly impressed with the whole look of the game. Here are some standout graphics from the dawn of the 16-bit age, expertly ported from the coin-op arcade. There are some great color tones, some terrific environments, and impressive character poses that stand out. Add in a short cutscene between levels, and you have a videogame with genuine style.

The kidnapped-girlfriend plot is preposterous, but this was the standard plot to 95% of all videogames at that time. Who signed up these goons for the street gang, anyway? All they do is dutifully march forward, walking right into jump kicks and nunchucks. You've gotta admire their determination, if not their sheer stupidity, because they never stop running after you.

Now here's where _Vigilante_ fails: it is easy. The game is extremely, extraordinarily, astonishingly easy. _Kung-Fu Master_ was a pretty simple game at its core, but there was always a variety of attackers to keep you on your toes, and the difficulty never let up. The villains in _Vigilante_ pretty much just run forward, with little to no variation. Few, if any, surprises await you on the mean streets. If you can find a set of nunchucks, simply turn the on controller's turbo switch and knock down everyone with ease.

The boss battles seem to be challenging at first, and it's here that you may run through your supply of continues. But with a little practice, you can crack their patterns with ease, and the bosses become just another formality. Just a slight hiccup on the morning stroll through the junkyard. Most games relied upon patterns, but I'm amazed at how quickly I was able to learn them, and how easily these big goons can be dispatched.

Now we add in the other main ingredient that spoils the meal: the game is short. Extremely, extraordinarily, astonishingly short. Only five short stages in the entire game, and that's it. As it turns out, twenty minutes is all I need. The whole adventure is over by then. I'm shocked, really. Couldn't Irem have lengthened the levels, or added more of a challenge, or expanded the game somehow? The trip itself is kind of fun, in that instant gratification way, but the whole journey is over so quickly, you can't help but feel cheated. There simply isn't enough on my plate; I want more of everything. Instead, I leave hungry.

This is one of those arcade games you can beat on a single quarter. I don't know if that's something you're willing to pay six bucks to play again. A two-player mode would also have helped greatly, and perhaps could have inspired a more complex level design or greater difficulty. But then we could just go play _Bad Dudes_ or _Double Dragon_ , right?

### World Class Baseball

1989, Hudson Soft for Turbografx-16

Sports

1989

Rating: 5/10

_World Class Baseball_ was released as part of the Turbografx-16 launch lineup in August of 1989. NEC and Hudson Soft chose wisely to attract buyers at the dawn of the 16-bit era. Sports titles have always been consistent sellers for home videogames, and baseball is immensely popular in Japan. As it so happens, Sega offered their own baseball entry for their Genesis launch, also in August, dubbed _Tommy Lasorda Baseball_ ; both titles are strikingly similar, and fans of either system will enjoy defending team over its heated rival.

Unfortunately....yeah, you saw this coming, didn't you? There always has to be a downside when we're talking about sports games "B.E," which, of course, means "Before Electronic Arts." It's no real surprise to gamers that EA muscled in and dominated every sport practically from day one. The dirty little secret for this is quite simple: most sports videogames before 1990 were not very good.

You would expect baseball to be the one sport done right, since its popularity in Japan and America would mean no shortage of titles. The growing pains, as well as the technological limitations, that hampered other sports like football, soccer, basketball, and hockey, could be overcome here. Also, baseball has always just been easier to render on the classic games systems, going back to the early days of Atari and Intellivision. Software developers should have more experience with this sport by the end of the 1980s.

Which brings us to _World Class Baseball_ on the Turbografx. To its credit, this was a decent, presentable little game for 1989, and the bright colors and catchy synth music proved an attractive draw for the new system. But it ultimately suffers from the same problems that hurt all video baseball games of the period. Maybe that's why I'm just as fine with the ancient _Home Run_ on Atari 2600 as anything else. _Home Run_ captured only the abstract, bare essence of the sport, but it was fast, competitive and extremely playable. _World Class Baseball_ does not possess those qualities. It runs sluggishly, painfully slow. S-L-O-W.

I dunno. Perhaps Hudson's design team consciously made their baseball title play extra slow because it was so difficult to follow the action otherwise. Perhaps the hardware at the time couldn't allow for faster speed. Perhaps they were just thinking about all those drunk teenagers, too zonked out to follow anything unless it moved at a snail's pace. Who knows? It's a mystery for the ages.

In any case, what we have is a baseball videogame that moves at a very slow pace. And it's not just a matter of the ball dragging along, or the players sleepwalking around the field. It's the fact that everything moves at the exact same speed. Fielders can never catch up to a ball that's rolling away. You actually have to wait for the ball to stop moving before you pick it up. Can you believe that? And were you aware that all the fielders move as one? This was another common practice at the time, and it was a real pain. Somehow, I always end up with the ball rolling in between the second baseman and center fielder, and nobody can grab it.

As a matter of comparison, I played around with a few other sports games, including a handful of NES baseball titles. Pretty much the same thing. Graphics would steadily improve over time, but the pacing was always slow, the fielding nonexistent, the tension all but gone. These old games were little more than a glorified home run derby, but without the home runs. Should I be bothered when an infield ground ball still results in a base hit? Should I become frustrated when I can never find my off-screen fielders I need them? Who's my guy? Where did he go?

Yes, this is probably why the speed of the game has been slowed down. Perhaps I'm just not very good at baseball videogames. Whenever I play _World Series Baseball 98_ on Sega Saturn, I leave fielding control to the computer. So it could just be me. Temper your own expectations accordingly.

As a matter of comparison, _Tommy Lasorda Baseball_ on Sega Genesis moves at a faster clip, offers "real" (wink-wink) professional baseball teams, more detailed graphics, and a few digitized speech samples. But the fielders still can't outrun a baseball that's rolling away, and I still can never tell which fielder I'm controlling. The EA player icon really transformed sports videogames. I can't fathom why nobody else had thought of that.

Again, these major flaws were common with pretty much the whole genre at this point in time, so perhaps it's a bit unfair to dump on Turbografx, which only offered this one baseball title in its US library. If _World Class Baseball_ connects with you, that's great, rock on. I'm a little bit envious.

## Part VI:

SNK Neo-Geo  
(NG)

### Art of Fighting

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1992

Rating: 3/10

SNK was a videogame company famous for its coin-operated arcade games, and most of them were _Rambo_ shoot-em-ups, gun-toting steroid freaks running through dense jungles, reenacting various American war nightmares and wish fulfillments. I never knew why the Japanese were making those kind of games in the 1980s. Perhaps they were just being nice to us American kids, perhaps they just really loved all those gun-toting action movies.

Regardless, one thing's for sure. SNK may have been skilled at combat shooters, but these guys knew next to nothing about making a fighting game; certainly not in the early Neo-Geo days. _Fatal Fury_ was actually halfway decent, compared to some of the other beat-em-ups and brawlers that limped their way across the 1991-92 Neo-Geo landscape. And _Art of Fighting_ showed one definite step forward: at least now the software teams had actually sat down and watched a couple kung-fu movies.

I guess I'm being generous when I say _Art of Fighting_ is a work in progress, like all their early attempts at martial arts. It was a step in the right direction towards future success. But that all still sounds like generosity in the face of larceny. These folks aren't here just to entertain us, kiddies. They're here to take away our money. First they came for the quarters. Now they're coming for the plastic.

Here's the problem: the gameplay is absolutely terrible. Fighting consists purely of a small handful of basic moves, a couple special attacks, and maybe a basic throw. There are no attack combos made famous by _Street Fighter 2_. Every hit knocks an opponent back or onto the ground. There is no rhythm or flow to the fights; the pacing is very slow and jerky, slightly clunky.

In a fighting videogame, flow is everything. There is a rhythm that flows smoothly, a ballet of martial arts that is joyous to watch as well as play. _Street Fighter_ always had those qualities, as does _Virtua Fighter_ , _Tekken_ and _Soul Calibur_. _Art of Fighting_ does not possess that mojo. Not one bit.

So I thought about it long and hard, and even put in double effort to try and find something entertaining and fun about _Art of Fighting_. And I will give credit where credit is due: this is an amazing looking game. Neo-Geo always knew how to dazzle. Characters are immense and vividly colored. They're practically glowing. Even the big fat guy, the one who mercilessly flies through the air, beating my hero's face purple, looks great. But the gameplay still stinks, and I still can't fight worth a damn or get anywhere fast.

_Art of Fighting_ became another signature series for Neo-Geo, eventually fusing with _Fatal Fury_ into the perennial _King of Fighters_. Even that series took a couple tries to find that elusive flow. I remind myself that these videogames were originally created to scam quarters from kids every thirty seconds. I guess that makes it a success, then. Neo-Geo, the electronic schoolyard bully. Gimme your lunch money and no one gets hurt.

### Art of Fighting 2

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1994

Rating: 5/10

You know, I am trying to like _Art of Fighting 2_. I really am trying. On my better days, I can convince myself that a quality fighting game lurks here somewhere, just under the surface, waiting to be discovered. Most of the time, however, I find it to be a frustrating mess.

This game is impossibly hard. I mean impossible. Neo-Geo fighters are known for being difficult, but _Art of Fighting 2_ takes the crown. Either I just don't have the pacing down, or I can't figure out the special moves, or the computer just has a sixth sense and responds faster than I can. Whatever the case, consider yourselves lucky to even clear the first stage.

The graphics on _AoF2_ are spectacular. This is probably the best-looking game from the early Neo-Geo period. Colors are vibrant, detailed, luxurious. Fighters are immensely large, standing at 2/3 screen size in close-up. SNK knew how to pull off flashy graphics, and you can see it every moment. All of us kids playing Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo were duly impressed and extremely jealous.

The animation, however, continues to be choppy, clunky, almost half-finished. There needs to be more in-between frames of animation to these fighters. Compared to _Street Fighter 2's_ smooth movements, _Art of Fighting 2_ is just stiff. It's deeply frustrating because this affects the gameplay, and makes things more difficult than necessary. And have I mentioned that this game is impossibly difficult?

The pacing and rhythm remain as staccato and chunky, as its predecessor. The fights don't flow like they should. Yes, the singular moves have a power and crunch to them that is welcoming and satisfying, but it's still too slow. Punch. Kick. Knockdown. Get up. Special Move. Knockdown. The superbly detailed graphics are not enough to smooth over the gameplay. You're better off watching someone else play, frankly.

The fighting roster is hit-or-miss. Half the characters are excellent, and you'll see them reappear in _The_ _King of Fighter_ series again and again. The other half are forgettable. SNK doesn't seem to know what to do with the really large guys. I've still yet to find one large brawler who can equal Zangief or E. Honda on _SF2_ , or Wolf and Jeffrey on _Virtua Fighter_. Why can't SNK's big guys have more throws, or, heck, more than one? Why can't anybody have more than one throw? And would it kill anyone to come up with some original fighting moves? Another Fireball? Another Dragon Punch? This game just screams for some inspired martial arts moves, like something out of Shaw Brothers movies, and we're just left hanging.

I remember seeing the arcade machine at the Godfather's Pizza in Duluth I liked to frequent after class (they had the best sausage pizzas). I always loved the graphics and visual style, but I could never win many fights. I learned to save my quarters for _Street Fighter 2_ and _Mortal Kombat_ instead.

SNK never really clicked with their fighting games until _Samurai Shodown_ and _King of Fighters '96_ arrived. By the turn of the century, they were releasing one martial-arts classic after another, arcade hits like _King of Fighters '98_ and _The Last Blade 2_ and _Real Bout Fatal Fury Special_ and _Garou: Mark of the Wolves_. Oh, and don't forget _Art of Fighting 3_ , which absolutely kicks. Pity these guys had to break so many eggs to learn the proper way to make omelettes.

### Baseball Stars 2

SNK for Neo-Geo

Sports

1992

Rating: 8/10

_Baseball Stars 2_ is one of the signature Neo-Geo titles. It perfectly captures the rebel vibe SNK was going after when they launched their arcade/home system: flashy, brash, over-confident, and irreverent. It also happens to play a very good game of baseball.

There have been a million baseball videogames during the 1980s and 1990s, and to be perfectly honest, there isn't a dime's worth of difference between any of 'em. Most are serviceable, some are quite good, and they're nearly all identical. The batter-pitcher view is always the same, as is the control scheme and play mechanics. Aside from a small handful of exceptions — the masterpiece that is _World Series Baseball 98_ on Sega Saturn always comes to mind — video baseball is a predictable, safe, and slightly stale genre of electronic games.

What _Baseball Stars 2_ has in spades is attitude. All of the baseball players are mutated steroid freaks, carrying powered-up bats that may as well be tree trunks. Pumping fists, breaking the bat over the knee, aggressive machismo, dramatic diving for the ball — this is almost like a cartoon spoof of sports games. What's interesting is that SNK's previous games in the series (two previous _Baseball Stars_ titles appeared on the NES and Neo-Geo) were playing it straight. Isn't that weird? Perhaps they just needed an over-the-top sports game on Neo-Geo. The system mascot was a rabid pit bull, after all.

My favorite moment in the game is when you bean the batter with a fast pitch. He gets knocked down, then rushes the mound, and punches the pitcher clean on the jaw. I don't know why I always laugh when that happens. The closeup shot makes me laugh. I only wish the pitcher could fight back, instead of taking it on the jaw. The best part is that your pitcher becomes crippled after getting punched out; his pitches become slow and wobbly. Hah!

Other than all that, what is there to say? It's arcade baseball. The gameplay is the same as nearly every other baseball videogame, the controls are fast and fluid, the graphics are vivid, brash, supremely detailed in that early '90s arcade style. There are no leagues or seasons or playoffs, just a single match between two teams of rage-fueled steroid freaks. This game is best for short bursts of dumb fun, and especially good for showing off the 16-bit graphics of the Neo-Geo. I don't know if that sort of thing can impress teenagers in the 21st Century, but if they have any sense, it should. It was really awesome back in 1991. Everything was awesome in 1991.

### Blue's Journey

ADK for Neo-Geo

Action

1991

Rating: 7/10

Now this one is a real surprise. The Neo-Geo is famous for its _Rambo_ -styled shoot-em-ups and renegade sports games and about a million fighters, but not side-scrolling platformers. Perhaps ADK felt the need to fill a void when they conjured _Blue's Journey_ , and they very largely succeeded. This is a very fun and very entertaining game.

I think it's a bit unfair to compare _Blue's Journey_ to _Super Mario_ or _Sonic the Hedgehog_ ; this game is far closer in spirit to action-platformers like _Adventure Island_ and _Bonk's Adventure_. The level designs are relatively straightforward, moving left to right, with some impressive dips and turns and surprises. One impressive feature is that your hero can shrink down to a tiny size, where he can slip through cracks into secret areas. The ability to switch sizes on the fly is nice, real nice. It's an idea that Nintendo used to great effect in _New Super Mario Brothers_ on Nintendo DS and Wii, and Red Entertainment also did something similar with _Bonk 3: Bonk's Big Adventure_.

The gameplay doesn't have an original thought in its pretty head, stealing openly from all the videogames mentioned above. This, plus the overall decline of side-scrolling arcade platformers by 1991, no doubt contributed to _Blue's Journey's_ obscure status. Whatever. It's their loss. Perhaps I'm just a fan of these kind of games. The controls are solid, the obstacles are sufficiently challenging, the hero's swat-and-throw attacks keep me entertained. If the saccharine candy colors are too much for you, just pretend you're playing _Rastan_ while tripping on mushrooms. Not that we endorse such things, ahem.

_Blue's Journey_ is very cutesy and cartoon-like in its graphics, and I'm sure that didn't win any fans among the SNK crowd, which was becoming increasingly "hardcore" on Neo-Geo (we can never forget the system's mascot, an angry, slobbering dog). I think the graphics are very nice, bold and well balanced, with a confident sense of color. Nothing is overly garish or loud. The artists knew what they were doing, and this is much easier on the eyes than ADK's earlier Neo-Geo titles like _Ninja Combat_. I really like the look of this videogame.

That said, my biggest beef is with the character designs of the hero. A dopey anime guy in a bug costume? Are you freakin' serious? The guilty parties responsible for creating these characters needs to be beaten badly with an ugly stick and fed to squirrels. This is probably why this videogame wasn't a hit, ya think? Poor ADK. Even when they're not failing, they're finding ways to screw up. Probably why they didn't last in this business.

After being subjected to so many awful Neo-Geo games, _Blue's Journey_ feels like a breath of fresh air. It's definitely an anomaly in the system library, and I'm a bit curious why that is so. As a quarter-munching arcade game, I think there should be more — more levels, more variety, more surprises. But that's really a hallmark of quality, don't ya think? I'm listening to some Dave Brubeck albums on my turntable as I'm writing this, and secretly wishing for just a few more songs. I'm pleading with the sunset for just a little more time.

### Burning Fight

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1991

Rating: 2/10

I cannot believe SNK ever thought of charging nine dollars for this trash boat. Who's in charge of pricing for Virtual Console titles?

_Burning Fight_ was one of the original launch games for Neo-Geo, and arguably the worst. None of the early titles were especially inspired, but at least _Magician Lord_ and _Nam '75_ had flashy graphics that tempted us to drop a few quarters. What does _Burning Fight_ have to attract the kids? Absolutely nothing, except perhaps pity.

This is a scrolling beat-em-up that plays purely by the numbers. You march a crew of chiseled steroid freaks through gritty urban streets, kicking and punching hapless goons, smashing signs and phone booths for cash and power-ups, and fighting bosses at the end of the stage. You've seen the formula a million times; these sort of games were as common in arcades as snow on Christmas in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

I'm a fan of the genre when done right, but not when the designers are lazy or untalented. _Burning Fight_ is crude and simple, certainly nowhere near the level of _Double Dragon_ , _Final Fight_ or _Streets of Rage_. Martial arts moves are an extremely basic assortment of punch, kick, throw and "panic" move. Character movement is sluggish. Animation is extremely stiff and chunky, only two or three frames. The collision detection is strangely off. Throws don't even connect properly; an enemy brawler just magically floats in the air above your character's arms. This is just rank amateurism, absolutely inexcusable.

The graphics are very bold and colorful, I'll give _Burning Force_ credit for that. There are also moments where you can take a short detour into a shop and just completely wreck the place for powerups. Such moments are fleetingly rare. The urban landscapes, the player-characters, the powerup weapons, the boss fights — it's all so cliched, uninspired, depressing. You could easily name a dozen beat-em-ups that you'd rather play than this one. This is a poor man's _Final Fight_ in every way you can measure. No thanks.

I'm trying to think of an arcade fighting game that was worse than _Burning Fight_. I'm having to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find contenders: _Urban Champion_ , _Time Traveler_ , _Pit Fighter_ , _DJ Boy_. I'm getting a headache just thinking about this. I need a stiff drink.

### Fatal Fury

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1991

Rating: 3/10

_Fatal Fury_ bears the distinction of being Neo-Geo's very first tournament fighting game, coming hot on the heels of _Street Fighter 2_ in 1991. There's even some debate among the party faithful as to which game actually came first. _Fatal Fury_ has its roots in earlier brawlers like _Street Smart_ , while _SF2_ was the evolutionary leap from _Street Fighter_ and _Final Fight_.

As best as I can remember, _Street Fighter 2_ came first. _Fatal Fury_ arrived in arcades later that year. It was later ported to the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo; the translations ended up being fairly good and fairly terrible, respectably. And the game drew fans just because it was, well, another fighting game. _Street Fighter 2_ was the hottest video arcade game since _Pac-Man_. There was bound to be spillover.

I kinda liked _Fatal Fury_ way back when, at least a little. I had some fun with the Genesis version. I was, what, 18, 19 years old? Yeah, there's a lot of things you like when you're nineteen that you wouldn't be caught dead doing when you're, say, 40. Listening to Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer, wearing Zubaz pants, sporting a mullet. Those sort of things may have happened in your distant past, but you're sure as hell not about to admit it now.

Yeah. That's exactly how _Fatal Fury_ plays. So now those of you who had better things to do with your time can sleep easy. You didn't miss much.

I know it's borders on the sacrilegious to rip apart a videogame that became the cornerstone to the SNK Neo-Geo martial-arts fighting game empire. But it needs to be said: the original _Fatal Fury_ was something terrible. It's not so much a game as a form of torture, some futuristic device Edgar Allan Poe could have dreamed up during one his better blackouts.

The game is similar enough to _SF2_ , except it's far more basic and stripped down. Only a few basic punches and kicks are available. There are two or three special moves available, by rotating the stick and hitting buttons. Too bad I've never been able to pull them off. Imagine that. Standard quarter-circle moves, the bread and butter of fighting games, and I can't perform them here with any regularity. Not that this matters. The matches slog along with a stilted, slow movement, rough and jerky. Its rhythm is sleepier, more sluggish than _SF2's_ liquid smooth pacing.

There's also the use of two horizontal planes, foreground and background. It's not something you can perform on your own; only the computer can jump into the background. This forces you to hop back and forth in a wasted effort to catch up. Not that this matters, anyway. It's just a cheap gimmick that may have seemed like a good idea at the time, only to fall apart into a thousand pieces only ten seconds later. Didn't anyone playtest this game?

Oh, and by the way, since you're all here and I have your attention: there are only three playable characters in the game. That's right. Only three. The total cast stretches to eight or nine, but you can't play as them. Tough luck. The beating of the hideous heart. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

C'mon, be honest: today, you have the entire Neo-Geo library available at your fingertips. You can play any title in the _Fatal Fury_ series, not to mention _The King of Fighters_ , _The Last Blade_ , _Art of Fighting_ and _Samurai Shodown_. With such a buffet laid about before you, are you really going to choose the original _Fatal Fury_ from 1991? Of course not. Get real.

### Fatal Fury 2

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1992

Rating: 5/10

There were many copycats to chase the Capcom's coattails after _Street Fighter 2_ , and none were more dogged than SNK. They really were determined to become the kings of fighting games, and this began with the _Fatal Fury_ series, expanding to _Art of Fighting_ and finding their mojo in _The King of Fighters_. It was a process of learning and refinement that took many years to reach success, and so many of the earlier brawlers could, charitably, be defined as "work in progress." _Fatal Fury 2_ is one such work in progress.

_Fatal Fury 1_ was a sluggish mess of a videogame; its only appeal was being the only notable _Street Fighter_ competitor at the time. It was a flashy show-off title for SNK's newly-released Neo-Geo arcade system, but simply awful in every other respect. The tiny movelist, the small character roster, and the clunky pacing always turned me off, despite my best efforts. Fatal Fury 2 was a much better improvement across the board. Graphics, animation, and color are simply superb, a striking improvement over the original. Characters are large and detailed, and the roster is expanded. They figured out the appeal of The Hot Chick, whose bosom is always on the verge of falling out, and we can see the beginnings of SNK's unique character designs, and their myriad, interweaving soap opera backstories.

Sadly, I still don't think _Fatal Fury 2_ is very good. It's better than its predecessor, but still average at best. It's still clunky, slightly choppy, a bit slow. There still aren't enough moves, only basic punches and kicks, plus a couple special moves. The animation still comes up short; much like the overall pacing, it's missing a couple beats, missing a couple frames. And, really, that two-plane idea just doesn't work. It never worked. 3D fighting and 2D graphics don't mix.

SNK was at their best with run-and-gun shooters like _Ikari Warriors_ and _Iron Tank_ and _P.O.W._ and _Guerrilla War_. When Neo-Geo launched, the focus quickly turned to _Double Dragon_ and _Final Fight_ clones. With _Fatal Fury_ , they began to learn fighting games from ground zero. _Fatal Fury 2_ receives better grades, but it's still a student, still learning.

_Street Fighter 2_ is immaculately balanced, precisely timed, and built on a strong foundation of cause-and-effect. Each attack has a proper counterattack. It's this elegance that makes the game a classic, even today. Every now and then, I fire up _SF2: Champion Edition_ on PC Engine or Sega Saturn, play a few rounds, and have a blast. This videogame still rocks, and the endless sequels and spin-offs have diminished none of its power. Capcom mastered the fighting game formula by 1992 and never let go.

I'm really not having fun with this title, which disappoints me, but I can see the improvements, which leaves me hopeful for later installments.

### Fatal Fury Special

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1993

Rating: 6/10

_Fatal Fury Special_ is the third title in the series, more of a slight tweaking of _Fatal Fury 2_. I'd say it's the better game of the two, slightly more refined and polished. I understand the fighting system has been completely revamped, finally introducing combos into the series (yes, that's correct, the previous two titles were single-hit knockdowns). It's a subtle improvement and it helps. The number of characters has been increased as well, and you can already see the SNK roster exploding at the seams.

However, I'm still struggling to enjoy myself. Perhaps I'm just not very good at this series. But I'm perfectly fine with _Street Fighter 2_ , and I'm perfectly fine with the latter Neo-Geo titles. _Fatal Fury Special_ is still a learning experience for SNK, as if they were searching for Capcom's magic formula. In all fairness, I don't think this is a bad game, and it is better than most of the hideous _SF2_ clones from the early '90s. But nearly everything you can level against _Fatal Fury 2_ can be leveled at this title. The most generous thing we can say is that the series continues to slowly improve with each installment. Slow and steady, not quite there yet, but making progress.

Perhaps SNK would be wiser to jump ahead to later titles in the series, like _Garou: Mark of the Wolves_. Now there is a truly great fighting game. Most of the later Neo-Geo fighters are excellent, in fact. There's _Art of Fighting 3_ , _Last Blade 1 and 2_ , there's Sunsoft's quirky _Waku Waku 7_. Why not release those games, instead of the clunkier, chunkier early titles?

### The King of Fighters '94

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1994

Rating: 5/10

Ack! What was your problem, SNK?! This stupid videogame is too $%&@#! hard! What's the deal with all these impossible Neo-Geo fighters? Here is yet another one where I can't get past the second stage. In fact, I can't get anywhere on any of the system's early fighters. I'm still feeling cranky about _Fatal Fury Special_ and _Art of Fighting 2_ , and _World Heroes_ still makes my knuckles ache.

Well, that tears it. I know it's far too late to raise a ruckus about it now, since these games are two decades years old. So I'm docking _King of Fighters '94_ three points off the review score. I wanted to give it a solid seven or maybe an eight...but forget it, kid. The computer is just beating me senseless and it's a miracle if I can win more than one match. This game earns a 5/10 on the report card for teeing off the critic.

This is especially frustrating for me because, during my research for this review, I've become a great fan of the _King of Fighters_ series. That means I've been spending my time playing all ten titles on the Neo-Geo, from _King of Fighters '94_ to _King of Fighters 2003_ , and they're excellent games, just bloody brilliant fun once the series finds its footage.

Enough complaining. We should stay positive. _The King of Fighters '94_ is the first of what would become ten yearly installments on Neo-Geo, becoming the arcade system's flagship series. It all but invented the genre of "team-based" tournament fighting games, as well as the "dream match," featuring characters from SNK's vast roster of arcade hits. _Fatal Fury_ and _Art of Fighting_ are represented, naturally, but you'll also see nods to older arcade titles, such as _Ikari Warriors_ and _Athena_. Years later, Sega, Nintendo and Capcom would all offer their own "dream match" fighters, and it all began here, with the first _King of Fighters_.

Since this is the earliest title in the series, it's no surprise that _KoF '94_ has the smallest character roster, the fewest martial-arts moves, the chunkiest graphics, and the fewest animation frames. And it is without question the most difficult. The 3-on-3 teams cannot be edited or customized, a feature that becomes standard immediately in _KoF '95_. The ability to dodge attacks by stepping to the side is interesting, but I much prefer the ability to roll, which also appears in later installments.

In other words, _King of Fighters '94_ is the foundation for the classic series. That doesn't make it a classic by its own merits. In fact, I think this is the weakest episode of the series. You might have better luck than I have, so don't let my frustration get in the way. But I would strongly advise buying the later installments. Skip ahead to _King of Fighters '96_ , where the series achieved greatness and maintained its classic status throughout the Neo-Geo era.

An even better option would be the excellent compilation disc, _King of Fighters Collection: The Orochi Saga_ , released on Playstation 2, Playstation Portable and Nintendo Wii, and includes the first five episodes from _KoF '94_ to _KoF '98_. This greatest-hits package is a must for all fighting videogame fans and comes highly recommended. Just be sure to skip the first game in the series.

### King of the Monsters

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1991

Rating: 4/10

Stop if you've heard this before: another early Neo-Geo title that is bright, brash and irreverent, offers flashy graphics, yet is crippled by uninspired, pedestrian gameplay? Another arcade videogame that is exposed as shallow in the home? Another post- _Street Fighter_ brawler that has aged horribly? Yes, yes and yes to all three.

_King of the Monsters_ was a hit arcade game for SNK's Neo-Geo system, and was later ported to the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo. It features a collection of Japanese b-movie monsters and mutant superheroes who wrestle one another over crowded city landscapes. Players punch, kick and grapple, sometimes knocking their opponent into a building.

If that sort of thing appeals to you, go right ahead, have fun. The novelty of fighting as cheesy movie monsters does have a certain appeal, and there's an undeniable thrill in smashing building and throwing trains at one another. The graphics are extremely bright and detailed, oversaturated in that Neo-Geo fashion. It's gaudy and garish and in your face, like a hopped-up Poochie on steroids. I almost expect to see "Macho Man" Randy Savage smash through a wall with a fistfull of Slim Jims.

_King of the Monsters_ is really a wrestling game, with all the baggage that contains. Gameplay is little more than frantic button mashing, in the hopes that something interesting might happen. This has always been the major problem with wrestling videogames. They're meant for parties where everyone is slightly sloshed and can't remember any techniques or strategy. Just pound away on the red button and see if something interesting happens. Offensive moves are identical among all characters, with only basic attacks and throws. Combos, parries or reversals are nonexistent.

The depth and complexity of tournament fighters such as _Street Fighter 2_ and _Virtua Fighter_ is entirely absent here. This title feels more like the versus modes in older scrolling beat-em-ups like _Double Dragon_ and _Streets of Rage_ , and it's very badly dated. Again, this is a very common flaw with most wrestling titles, but at least they make up for the deficit with large rosters of grapplers and gameplay modes. _King of the Monsters_ has, what? Six guys? Really? That's all? Did I miss something here? This is purely a quarter-munching arcade game, intended for short bursts of eye candy and little more.

I think the big mistake made by the software developers was in making _King of the Monsters_ a wrestling videogame, when what we really wanted were giant monsters smashing skyscrapers. Vintage classics like _Rampage_ and _Crush, Crumble & Chomp_ (an early Epyx game on Atari 800) come to mind. Who in their right mind wants to wrestle Godzilla? I just want to stomp Tokyo! Why is that so hard?

If you want a good wrestling videogame, you can't go wrong with any of the _WCW_ titles on the Nintendo 64 (a seriously underrated "party" system), _All-Japan Pro Wrestling_ on Sega Saturn (featuring Jeffery and Wolf from Virtua Fighter), _Giant Gram_ on Dreamcast, and pretty much any version of _Fire Pro Wrestling_. _Destroy All Monsters_ on the Playstation 2 has a lot of fans. Even most WWF titles can be pretty fun with a pint of Guinness. But stay clear of _King of the Monsters_ ; at the very least, catch its sequel, which makes solid improvements all around.

### Magician Lord

ADK for Neo-Geo

Action

1990

Rating: 4/10

Ah, _Magician Lord_. Here's another example of the early show-me-off-to-your-friends kind of videogame. It was the early visual standout for the Neo-Geo, both as an arcade game and as a rediculously expensive home title (identical-to-the-arcade cartridges sold for $200 each). Fantastic use of colors, vibrant and bold, striking across the whole palette — this is a terrific plate of eye candy, and time hasn't taken any of that away. Yes, _Magician Lord_ looks amazing. Too bad you'll never get to see any of it.

Everything I ever wrote about Hudson's _Samurai Ghost_ on the Turbografx can be applied here. Actually, you'll want to add in a regular series of stomach punches, as some bully bigger than you demands that you cough up your lunch money. Yeah, you might as well just count that money as a loss right now. It's gone.

Remember, again, folks, the first rule of all coin-operated games: take your spare change every 60 seconds. That is their reason for being, and that's all. Video arcades never held any phony pretenses of artistic greatness, or communicating great thoughts, or touching the human spirit like movies or music of books. All such platitudes were complete and total bull. This isn't about art. It's about money. Your money, and how to get it.

Many of the best video arcades empowered you enough to learn, and eventually you could play _Pac-Man_ and _Asteroids_ and _Afterburner_ forever on a single quarter. This gave the arcade operators raving fits, of course. It's all fun on our end of the deal, but where the hell is the damn money? Every skilled gamer is stealing from the arcades that are trying to steal from the rookies, you see.

So you can appreciate why a game like _Magician Lord_ comes along. It's the perfect money maker. It looks terrific, and presents a colorful fantasy world of trees and aliens and wizards and ninjas. It suckers the kids in, even the experts who can beat anything for under a buck. Then it clonks them over the head with a mallet and runs off with the cash. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's one thing to say that _Magician Lord_ is very hard. It's quite another to say it's nearly impossible. It's yet another to say the gameplay is completely, utterly broken, and there's no way in Heaven or Earth you'll last longer than a minute before your game is over. And it's all deliberate. These software designers know better. They've made some good games over the years (ADK is best known for the _World Heroes_ series of fighters). So why is this game so completely impossible? Why can't you get more than ten steps without being overwhelmed at all sides? Why do the boss battles place you in suicide scenarios, where you cannot ever win without popping in more and more credits?

It's all a scam, people. A damned money-making scam. All that's needed are some political candidates and an infomercial at 3:00 a.m.

Now here's where things get really interesting for Nintendo Wii owners (as well as other digital platforms). While the arcade game is built around unlimited continues, as long as you lay your money down, Virtual Console only offers a limited number of continues for Neo-Geo games. This really wasn't an issue for the fighting titles, in my opinion. It is a deal-breaker here. What this means is that you'll be shelling out far more than you'll ever get back in return. Most of this game will forever remain a mystery to you. And there's nothing you can do about it.

I keep telling myself that Neo-Geo is a good platform. There have been many good games made for it. I'm wondering just when we'll be seeing some of 'em.

### Neo Turf Masters

Nazca for Neo-Geo

Sports

1996

Rating: 9/10

I don't know if the claim will mean much to today's Nintendo Wii audience, but I'm of the mind that _Neo Turf Masters_ on the Neo-Geo is the best arcade golf videogame ever made. It's so easy to become spoiled by motion controls on _Wii Sports_ and _Wii Sports Resort_ and _Tiger Woods PGA_ , isn't it? It's very tempting to toss aside all the older golf games and stick with the Wii Remote. However, I do strongly suggest that you hold on to this one.

I really love the presentation on _Neo Turf Masters_. This game is wonderfully polished and you can see the care and dedication Nazca, the software developers, brought to the table. Golf videogames were decidedly second-tier in the arcades, typically reserved for PC simulations, and I think that's part of the reason players are so impressed by this title. Just look at the bright and brilliantly detailed graphics. Note the excellent use of color, and note the spectacular animation of the golfers. Observe the stunning use of scrolling to simulate 3D depth with sprites.

I certainly wouldn't expect four different courses, at 18 holes each. I certainly wouldn't expect a variety of golfers with their unique skills, or a full set of clubs, or the ability to add curves or spin to the swings. In other words, I would expect a stripped-down arcade game, not the full experience. Nazca clearly proved their dedication and love of detail — a trait they would demonstrate again and again with their _Metal Slug_ series. The gameplay is just as solid as any console or PC golf sim of its era.

Perhaps because this is an arcade title, the courses aren't recreations of actual courses, but offer the sort of surreal fantasy video games are made for. I especially like the par-three holes which take place over towering cliffs and waterfalls. I also enjoy the brisk speed of the game; it's just a couple quick button presses and you're making your next shot. It's fairly easy to make shots, but you will have to use your golfing skills, as the game is quite challenging.

There once was a time when the videogame world was overflowing with popular sports titles. sadly, those days are gone, and I don't know when or if they will return. The "One Publisher, One Sport" rule imposed by Electronic Arts at the turn of the century remains as impervious as ever. How unfortunate. Just think of all the great sports game you're missing, something like Neo Turf Masters. Fortunately, Virtual Console is here for you.

I also strongly recommend the 2008 greatest-hits package, _SNK Arcade Classics, Vol. 1_ , a compilation of 16 Neo-Geo arcade titles, including this golf classic. This disc was released on Playstation 2, PSP and Nintendo Wii, and at the time of this writing, is already becoming a pricey collector's item. I strongly advise you to grab a copy if you find one in the wild. Highly recommended.

### Ninja Combat

Alpha Denshi for SNK

Fighting

1990

Rating: 3/10

Augh....Most of the earliest game for the Neo-Geo were terrible. I'm a bit embarrassed, and wondering to myself just why I am devoting a warm and (partially) sunny Sunday writing about this subject. Why am I recording this brief moment of early-'90s pop culture for posterity? Will future generations really be that concerned? Will my brief paragraphs about terrible arcade videogames appear in some post-graduate dissertation in the year 2050? One can never outguess the future, but I highly doubt it.

So here's the lowdown, kids: _Ninja Combat_ was an early game for SNK's Neo-Geo arcade system, developed by Alpha Denshi, who were responsible for other titles as _Ninja Commando_ , _Magician Lord_ , and the _World Heroes_ series. Eventually, they created the excellent puzzle-shooter hybrid _Twinkle Star Sprites_ , which considerably redeemed their reputation.

_Ninja Combat_ is a side-scrolling beat-em-up at heart. The angled playfield, the layouts and level designs, the power-ups and bosses, all point to _Double Dragon_ and _Final Fight_ as inspirations. The only break is that your character throws ninja stars instead of punching or kicking. When you pick up a weapon, however, that's when you revert to pure fighting.

So we see that ADK tried to mix up styles for this game. The idea is interesting, but in execution, it just doesn't work at all. You can see that this is a second-tier developer, from the stodgy graphics and clunky, very limited animation, the rather frustrating sense of collision detection (a long line of ninja can wipe out your health bar almost instantly). This is a game goes from mindless to frustrating and back again.

The graphics are just terrible. Why are all the characters so squashed and square-ish? Why are their upper bodies so much bigger than their legs? Why does everyone have the same facial features? Does it seem like the entire game works from a single character template? That was a cheap gimmick in arcade games of the late 1980, particularly from lesser developers, and it has always looked cheap and ugly. Life is too short for video arcade games that are ugly, especially in an overcrowded genre.

_Ninja Combat_ becomes very frustrating very quickly, and the boss battles are especially unfair. You will be killed with a couple hits, with no real chance to evade or escape. In fact, you will burn through your credits in no time at all. Bam-Bam-Bam and you're dead. Then Pow-Bam-OOF and it's game over. I don't know if the Virtual Console release offers unlimited continues. If there are only a set number of continues, then forget it. At least I can add endless credits on MAME; even then, it's a chore for me to continue.

Now that I think about it, _Magical Lord_ was impossibly difficult, too (at least it looked pretty). What's the deal with these guys? Count me out. I want to go play outside and enjoy the warm sunshine.

### Ninja Commando

ADK for Neo-Geo

Action

1992

Rating: 3/10

After playing through so many Neo-Geo games, it's pretty obvious to me that ADK was a second-tier developer. Their games were nearly always duller, weaker, and slower than any of SNK's own titles. They really were only really inspired on one videogame, and that was _Twinkle Star Sprites_. Everything else should be dumped into the generic leftover bins where they belong.

_Ninja Commando_ is yet another example of this sad fact. Here is an overhead run-and-gun game similar to _Commando_ , _Ikari Warriors_ , _Heavy Barrel_ , and numerous other arcade games of the 1980s. Heck, _Rambo_ shoot-em-ups were SNK's specialty back then. _Ikari Warriors_ , _Iron Tank_ , _Guerrilla War_ , those were classics in the arcades and on the NES.

_Ninja Commando_ wants to be _Ikari Warriors_ so badly its digital teeth hurts, but it fails miserably for one key reason: you can't turn your fighter. Yes, kids, that's right, your characters only move forward, and cannot turn or shoot in any other direction than up. This goes against literally every other title in the genre, on every console and home computer ever built. Every other game lets you shoot to the side, or shoot at an angle, because you're pretty much being hit by all sides. Not so here. _Ninja Commando_ only allows firing forward, while being hit from behind. Does that sound cheap? Too bad, kid. Game Over. Pop in another quarter.

What a sick joke. Why would I dump quarters into this when I have so many better alternatives There's a reason why this videogame became obscure so quickly. It sucks.

Being more charitable, I can appreciate the three different ninja characters, who have their own personality. I might also appreciate the idea of time traveling and blowing stuff up all throughout history. It would have helped if ADK offered level designs that were less cramped and a little more open. Also would have helped if the weapons were more wisely implemented. The strength of your shots is determined purely by how quickly you mash the buttons. How's that for a cheap gimmick? Good luck with that gamepad.

Whatever. I really don't care. This game is substandard, looks flat and dull, is far too sluggish, and have I mentioned that you can't turn and shoot? Yes, there is a move where you can throw ninja stars while doing flips, but it's extremely slow and weak; it doesn't effing work. Did anybody playtest this stupid thing?

Oh, and that part about the characters having a personality? I was only trying to be nice. The truth is, they're creepy losers. The art design is amateurish, dreadful. I mean, look at 'em. Didn't the flat-top haircut go out of style, like, 50 years ago? Did the employees at ADK all wear flat-tops? That would explain a lot. This is the sort of videogame programmed by substitute teachers. You can practically smell the Metamucil and desperation oozing out of your controller.

### Samurai Shodown

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1993

Rating: 7/10

Here we finally come to one of the gems of the Neo-Geo library. When SNK debuted _Samurai Shodown_ in 1993, its innovative weapons-based combat stood out among a sea of mediocre _Street Fighter 2_ clones. Who doesn't want to be a sword-wielding samurai or ninja? The game quickly became a great success for SNK, and would even appear on Sega Genesis and Super NES, one of many successful Neo-Geo ports during the era.

Does the original _Samurai Shodown_ still hold up today? I think it does. Gameplay is tight, stripped-down and focused squarely on the essentials. Special moves are few and thankfully avoid needless flash. Each attack counts. I do appreciate the focus on smart tactics, of knowing just when to unleash the most powerful strikes, knowing when to go for the throw. You must rely on your wits instead of endless strings of combos.

In that sense, _Samurai Shodown_ is much closer to the 1980s classic _Karate Champ_ than _Street Fighter_. This is a tactical fighting game, and not a button masher. Many would cite this as a weakness, but I prefer to see it as a strength. Fighting games got away from the casual players rather quickly, as they drowned in increasingly complex combat systems and painfully convoluted attack combos. This genre was taken over by hardcore competitive gamers almost from the beginning; all other players have been pushed aside, ignored.

Also, I am more than willing to feel generous with this title when the spectacular _Samurai Shodown 2_ is waiting in the wings. I can appreciate the basic structure of the original, since those foundations are so solid. This was without question SNK's finest fighting title when it was released in 1993. After trudging through _Fatal Fury_ and _Art of Fighting_ (and ADK's mildly tolerable _World Heroes_ ), _Samurai Shodown_ is like stylized lightning from the sky.

I really enjoy the character roster, which thankfully avoids cliches and aims for originality. There are no clones, no cheap color swaps, no Bruce Lee look-a-likes, no _Street Fighter_ wannabes. And for once, we actually get to have women fighters who aren't pinup dolls. Do you mean women get to wear clothes, too? And they get to have normal physiques, and not just exist as a glorified sex doll for horny teenage boys? Wow, what a world.

Impressive moments abound. When fighters strike their weapons in close range, there's a short shoving match, and the loser suddenly finds themselves unarmed. Sometimes finishing blows unleash an arterial spray, much like Akira Kurosawa's _Sanjuro_ , or may split the opponent in two. During the match a passerby may throw bombs which explode, or food which restores your health. And when your fighters get hit too many times, they turn red and become frustrated. Good Lord, even the characters in this game think Neo-Geo is too difficult sometimes.

I really dig this game. Sure, the computer is a pain in the neck. Yes, _Samurai Shodown 2_ is the superior sequel. Whatever. Life is precious and short, kids. Get your kicks however you can.

### Samurai Shodown 2

SNK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1994

Rating: 9/10

Now we come to one of the all-time great fighting games. _Samurai Shodown 2_ is a brilliantly executed and conceived sequel, a skillful and challenging game that should keep fans thrilled for ages. This is universally regarded as the peak of the series, and for good reason.

Half a dozen new fighters are introduced to the roster, all very impressive and unique, all while exploring different methods of weapon-based combat. I'm very impressed that SNK managed to create new characters without copying anyone else. Even _Soul Calibur_ could barely manage a dozen fighters before double-dipping. _Samurai Shodown 2_ brings the total to a very impressive fifteen.

The controls feel well-oiled, swift and lucid, and matches seem to flow more quickly than before. All fighters have more special attacks, including a number of defensive moves that were truly groundbreaking for its day. In addition to rolling, ducking, or jumping to dodge attacks, you can successfully parry an attack with precise timing. At least, that's what Wikipedia says. I'll be very thrilled if I can pull that trick off, so I better practice.

In addition, you can taunt your opponent, unleash super desperation moves when your "POW" (frustration) meter is filled, and even destroy your opponent's sword. That is an especially thrilling moment, especially when you're clawing back a dramatic comeback. I've saved my bacon more than a few times thanks to these desperation moves.

The graphics appear more detailed, more colorful, more smoothly animated than the original _Showdown_. The color palette hews darker for this sequel; it's an autumnal tone, heavy on the reds and browns. I'm a sucker for warm color tones, so obviously I'm a fan here. The arterial sprays look especially nice at the end of a match, and how often do you get to say that? Even the camera scaling, the signature Neo-Geo special effect, appears very smooth and refined.

I think _Samurai Shodown 2_ plays much, much better than the original, for all the reasons listed above. The game feels more liquid, more loose. Attack combos are now a factor, and this really speeds up the game. Thankfully, the tactical approach to fighting is still present and has not been sacrificed. I appreciate how this is a smarter fighting game. Button mashers are not welcome. Strategy, tactics, brains are what is required.

I love the Japanese vibe to _Samurai Shodown 2_. It's even more steeped in the mythic past than the original, evoking Kabuki and Noh theatre and Akira Kurosawa samurai westerns. The music and audio are especially grand at transporting me back to this lost world. This game just breathes style with every note, every beat. SNK really was onto something special. Is this their greatest fighter? Fans will no doubt flock to the _King of Fighters_ series, and rightfully so. Those are outstanding arcade games. But this game has the panache. It has style in spades.

### Top Hunter

SNK for Neo-Geo

Action

1996?

Rating: 3/10

_Top Hunter_ blows chunks. Please don't waste your time or money on this stinkburger of a videogame. Despite the gorgeous 16-bit graphics and luxurious use of color, this is an extremely simplistic side-scrolling arcade title with sluggish controls, annoying boss fights, and deeply repetitive gameplay.

The level designs are essentially a straight path from A to B. There's a dual-pathway set akin to Sega's _Shinobi_ series, but it's never really used to any effect. It's just a second pathway with the exact same enemies. Have I mentioned _Top Hunter_ is deeply repetitive? Yes, it is deeply repetitive. My mind just aches when I have to think at all the deeply repetitive moments I played through before reaching the end. It's the same stupid pathway, the same stupid enemies, and the same stupid boss fights. It's always the same path from A to B. The same stupid enemies. It's so repetitive.

The gameplay gimmick is that you're a fighter who grabs enemies and throws them around. Your arms also zoom out when you punch. Neither are especially interesting, as no novel ideas are employed. You would think the level designs would take this into account, or incorporate some novel, challenging boss fights (Capcom's classic _Bionic Commando_ comes to mind). Sorry. You would also think there wouldn't be a slight lag in the button pressings, or that the programmers had learned the proper physics for walking and jumping. This was a video game from the mid 1990s? Sorry again.

Oh, and have I mentioned the audio is nothing but clown music? Good Lord, I just wanted to punch the sound designer's jaw out. This is the kind of music you expect when you're ordering a Happy Meal. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach from playing _Top Hunter_ kinda feels like a Happy Meal, too.

Meanwhile, we are still waiting for Konami to get off their butts and release NES _Contra_ for Virtual Console, the greatest action/shoot-em-up of all time. Is it really so hard to upload a ROM file that you hacked from the internet? Is it really so much easier to pimp out a sloppy grease bucket like _Top Hunter_ instead of an all-time classic? If the concept of a "Virtual Console" has failed to achieve mainstream success, such clueless indecisions are to blame. You're sitting on free money. Get up!

### World Heroes

ADK for Neo-Geo

Fighting

1992

Rating: 7/10

I remember Alpha Denshi fondly for their 1981 arcade maze game _Make Trax_ ( _Crush Roller_ in Japan), in which the player uses a roller to paint city streets. It was an inventive spin on the _Pac-Man_ craze that was raging all around. In 1987, the company began a long and fruitful partnership with SNK which continued throughout the Neo-Geo era. Some titles are better than others, but there's no denying their legacy of arcade hits.

This brings us to _World Heroes_ , ADK's first tournament fighting game to follow on the heels of Capcom's mega-blockbuster, _Street Fighter 2_. Among the early martial-arts titles on Neo-Geo arcade system — _Fatal Fury_ , _Art of Fighting_ , _Burning Fight_ , _Mutation Nation_ , _Sengoku_ — this is the best of the period.

Among the Neo-Geo fans, _World Heroes_ is the one that gets ridiculed, the one that gets bagged on. I can't really say why this is so. Say what you will about this martial-arts brawler, about its slower pacing — a martial arts fantasy set to 1970s sludge-rock tempo — but at least this engine ain't broken. I can actually play this thing. I can actually figure out what the heck I'm doing, and get that character onscreen to do what I want. You'd be surprised how many fighting games failed that test.

It's funny to me that _World Heroes_ gets bullied for committing the same crimes as nearly everybody else. A shameless, quote-chapter-and-verse rip-off of _Street Fighter 2_? Check. Fireballs and dragon punches? Check. Big wrestler dude? Check. Menacing, Nazi-type villain? Check. Twin heroes who look identical apart from hairstyle and color of pajamas? Check. Bruce Lee clone? Check.

Funny thing about that last point. Nearly every major tournament fighting videogame features a Bruce Lee lookalike (Sega's _Virtua Fighter_ is the last holdout, but even two of its characters are Jeet Kune Do students). Even Capcom hopped on the bandwagon with their own Dragon for _Super Street Fighter 2_ , and he has the same poses and bird noises and punches as every other brawler to feature him. And _World Heroes_ , the lowly copycat, was actually the first. They were the beginning of that little trend. I don't know if that's something to be proud of, but you could do worse. Imagine if every fighting game had their version of that Scottish kilt guy from _Kasumi Ninja_ on the Atari Jaguar. Better yet, don't.

_World Heroes_ is very playable and entertaining one, which is what matters most in videogames, and delivers a goofy enough cast of characters to make it worth your while. There's even a novel deathmatch mode, where you can be hurled into spiked walls or electric fences for extra damage. Every now and then, that old ADK inventiveness strikes again.

Like every series on Neo-Geo, _World Heroes_ becomes better with each sequel. Four games were created in all, and are available on Virtual Console, as well as any number of compilation discs on Playstation 2. If you're reading this book in a used videogames store, look around for the Super NES and Genesis translations, which are very good. Better yet, track down a copy of _World Heroes Perfect_ for Sega Saturn before the Ebay scammers jack the price through the roof. All of these versions should be released on Virtual Console.

One day, the videogame industry will learn to embrace their history, and share their vast libraries with the public at a reasonable price. They need to embrace their past, not lock it in the basement like some caged tiger. Virtual Console is an important step in that direction. May it continue to move forward into the future!

### Appendix I: Glossary

In this book, a number of terms are used to describe different genres of videogames. This is not a comprehensive list, but presented or the sake of helping new or casual gamers. We present the glossary definitions of genres seen in _Zen Arcade_ :

**Action:** The most common style of videogames, "action" was once more commonly known as "arcade." These refer to simple, fast-paced, linear-structured games commonly found in video arcades. Examples seen in this book include _Super Mario Brothers_ , _Sonic the Hedgehog_ and _Gunstar Heroes_.

**Adventure:** Games that are non-linear, more heavily story-driven, and more slowly paced than action/arcade games. This genre is broadly defined to include Action-Adventures and fantasy Role-Playing Games. Examples include _Super Metroid_ , _Neutopia_ and _Landstalker_.

**Educational:** Videogames that are specially designed to teach young children, usually involving reading or math skills. _The Oregon Trail_ is probably the most famous example for children of the 1980s. _Donkey Kong, Jr. Math_ is the sole example in this volume.

**Fighting:** Games involving martial arts, grappling or physical combat. These can include scrolling beat-em-ups, tournament fighting contests, or wrestling games (although wrestling may also be considered a sport). Examples include _Golden Axe_ , _Vigilante_ and _Street Fighter 2_.

**Pinball:** Pinball machines predate arcade videogames, and the two have lived side-by-side for many years, influencing and inspiring one another. This is a small but important and entertaining genre. Examples include _Alien Crush_ and _Devil's Crush_.

**Puzzle:** Slow, methodical games that emphasize thinking over reflexes or action. Once known as "brain games," this genre is best defined by the landmark game Tetris, but there are many varieties. Examples in this volume include _Adventures of Lolo_ , _Columns_ and _Kirby's Avalanche_.

**Racing:** Driving vehicles of all shapes and sizes, usually around open or closed-circuit tracks. This is among the most enduring and popular videogame genres, especially for multiplayer fun. Examples include _Mario Kart 64_ , _Wave Race 64_ and _F-Zero_.

**Shooter:** Shoot-em-ups date back to the dawn of videogames, thanks to the _Space Invaders_ craze of the late 1970s. These games typically involve spaceships, aircraft or boats (shooting games involving humanoid characters are known as "Action-Shooters"). This genre also includes First-Person Shooters and Lightgun games. Examples include _Duck Hunt_ , _Gradius_ and _Super Star Soldier_.

**Sports:** Videogame recreations of real-life sports, although imaginary sports are also included. This is among the most popular genres of games, thanks to their multiplayer appeal. Examples include _Baseball Stars 2_ , _NES Play Action Football_ and _Neo Turf Masters_.

**Strategy/Simulation:** Slow-paced games that emphasize planning, building or military exercises. Most commonly found on PC and aimed at an older audience, these games are very detailed and complex, usually placing the player in the role of manager or observer. Examples in this volume include _Military Madness_ , _SimCity_ and _Vegas Stakes_.

### Appendix II: Ratings

The 140 reviews featured in _Zen Arcade_ include a 10-point rating system. This is done purely for convenience, to assist readers who need a quick reference for the written reviews. How does the rating system work? To aid the reader experience, I have provided a helpful guide below:

Zen Arcade 10-Point Ratings Scores:

**10) Perfection:** A perfect experience, transcendent, groundbreaking. The best of the best. A "perfect 10" is rarely given, but when awarded, it is well deserved.

**9) Outstanding:** Near perfection, almost flawless experience. Nearly always exciting and compelling in every way. Very highly recommended.

**8) Excellent:** Superb quality, with very few notable flaws. A great time is had by all. Definitely worth a gold star on the fridge.

**7) Very Good:** Solid entertainment, very well made. Good but not great. Recommended. Definitely worth a silver star on the fridge.

**6) Above Average:** Neither good nor great, but an adequate experience. Substantial flaws but matched by positive qualities. Officially a "passing grade."

**5) Average:** Neither good nor bad, just purely average. As a general rule, everything above a 5 is "good," everything below is "bad." Blah. Meh.

**4) Below Average:** Officially a "failing grade," but may still possess some positive qualities for diehard fans. Not recommended.

**3) Very Poor:** Terrible, no good, no fun, a mess. A significant failure by most measures, and confidently discouraged by the reviewer.

**2) Extremely Poor:** An act of almost criminal negligence, possessing virtually no positive qualities. An absolute shambling mess. Both thumbs way down.

**1) Avoid at all Costs:** Like the "Perfect 10," this lowest score should be used sparingly, and reserved only for the worst of the worst. These titles are either completely unplayable or otherwise broken.

### About the Author

Daniel Thomas MacInnes has worked as a visual artist, a zine editor, a videogame review critic, a freelance writer, and the creator of several arts-themed websites. As a pop culture critic and essayist, his writings have been appeared in _GamePro_ , _Newtype Gaming_ , _Time Out London_ , _DanielThomas.org_ , _Daniel Thomas Vol. 4_ and _Ghibli Blog (Conversations on Ghibli, Animation and the Movies)_.

He has contributed to the animation books _Mi Vecino Miyazaki_ and _Antes De Mi Vecino Miyazaki_ , collaborated on the Discotek Media DVDs _Lupin the 3rd: The Complete First TV Series_ , and was extensively involved on the DVD and Blu-Ray release _Horus, Prince of the Sun_.

DT Media is his latest venture; _Zen Arcade_ , _Pop Life_ and _Greatest Hits_ are his first published books. He has recently moved from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Chicago, Illinois.

**Books by Daniel Thomas MacInnes:**

Pop Life

Zen Arcade: Classic Video Game Reviews

Greatest Hits: An Anthology in Four Volumes

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