improvement pill here i spent a little
over a year as a door-to-door salesman
walking around the streets of the bronx
interacting with all sorts of different
people
and every once in a while something
really interesting or
funny would happen to me so today we're
gonna have some fun and i'm gonna tell
you about three of the craziest stories
that i have from back in my sales days
so sit back
relax and enjoy the show just roll
with it door-to-door sales is a pretty
stressful occupation
and like most stressful jobs that take
up most of your waking hours
it's very easy to end up developing a
poor diet especially
in the bronx where there seems to be
some sort of fast food joint
on every other block and i'll admit that
i would often visit these places which
eventually
led to me gaining quite a lot of weight
it got to the point where i could no
longer
fit in my dress pants even when i sucked
my stomach in
so i decided to switch to a low-carb
diet called
keto which i used to experiment with
back in college
now the thing about keto is that you
have to consume less than 20 grams of
carbohydrates
every single day which means that just
about everything
in fast food places and even the
convenience stores were off limits
so instead i relied on snacks that i
would bring from home
to help keep me fueled throughout the
day things like cheese sticks
nuts and jerky but my hands down
favorite snack
were pork rinds now if you don't know
what pork rinds are
it's basically just fried pigskin it's
all protein
and fat with zero carbs so it's perfect
for keto
and the best part about them is the fact
that they have a crunch
sort of like potato chips which i really
really liked
so one day i decided to order a box of
pork rinds off of amazon
and i brought like six bags with me
before heading out onto the field
for my 12 hour day of work now on this
particular day i was sent to a rather
distant area in the bronx
it was a nice upper-class neighborhood
but it was pretty far from everything
else
i had to jump on like a 30-minute bus
ride to get there and when i got there
i noticed that there was nothing around
except houses no restaurants
no convenience stores not even a
laundromat just
houses anyways once i got there i
started doing my first round
basically i would knock on all the doors
on my list of leads and try to see if
anyone was home
and while i was going around knocking on
doors i was snacking on my pork rinds
the entire time
an hour went by and i had finished an
entire bag
another hour went by and i finished the
next bag
when i finally finished my first round i
had finished
three bags at that point in time i took
a break i found a nice spot in the shade
to sit down and play on my phone for a
bit and i started snacking on my fourth
bag of pork rinds
now what i didn't know at the time was
that if you eat too many pork rinds at
once
it will mess up your stomach real
bad i'm not sure exactly why this
happens all i know
is that it does so after taking a 45
minute break
i started doing my second round
basically going back to all the houses
that were empty in the morning and
checking to see if anyone had come home
and about an hour into this i started
feeling a bit weird
something was going on in my stomach and
at first i didn't think too much about
it maybe it was just some indigestion
all right i'll cool off on the pork
rinds but the pressure
kept building up and building up and
building up as i walked around
and that's when i realized holy shit
this is not just indigestion this is not
something that i can just hold in
there's a countdown going on and i need
to find my way to a toilet
before this clock hit zero i looked
around me and i realized that there was
nothing in sight
no public toilet of any kind and that's
when i knew
that my only option was to use a toilet
in someone's house
so i started knocking on doors like
crazy but no one was home
it was still too early in the day but i
could feel it building up
waves of intense pressure and discomfort
would come and i remember having to stop
walking just to hold it in i was getting
desperate
i had to figure something out soon or
else something very bad was going to
happen
and right when i was about to reach my
limit i managed to get to the next house
and i rang the doorbell
and i could hear someone walking to the
door
and that's when i knew i couldn't risk
it
i couldn't risk being shot down for
looking like a salesman
i could not risk failure i had to do
something drastic so i got on my knees
and i clasped my hands together
and the moment this dad and his son
popped their heads out the door
i started begging i'm not even gonna lie
i never begged this hard
in my entire life for anything i begged
and i beg
please please let me use your toilet i
can't hold it in anymore
and they took pity on me and they said
yes
i quickly rushed to their bathroom
jumped on the toilet and
and once i finished the deed i noticed
that they had run out of toilet paper
it was just a cardboard roller on the
thing and i didn't want to trouble them
more
than i already had so i took the
cardboard roll i ripped it into two
pieces
ran some water on it and i wiped myself
clean
when i finally survived this ordeal i
emerged from that bathroom
a new man i saw that the dad and son
were watching sports on their tv
and they were actually having some
problems with their connection so i went
through my usual pitch and i actually
convinced them to switch
providers i closed the deal and made
around 150 dollars that day
think it's safe to say that this was the
highest pressure sale
that i ever made chopped
you know it's strange i never really
felt scared working in the bronx i would
hang out in the projects till like 9 00
pm all by myself
and nobody ever bothered me when i asked
one of the residents why this was
they said it was because i wore a suit
so people probably thought i was like a
jehovah's witness
trying to preach about god or that i was
someone who worked with the government
like the child protective services or
the tax man
all of which people just didn't want to
mess with it got to the point where i
was so
comfortable on the job that i could fall
asleep in the staircase
in just about any project building i
ever worked in
i never ever felt unsafe
that is until i was assigned to work in
a certain building
in the south of the bronx i remember
clearly what happened that day it was
just another normal day of work the sun
was out
the weather was nice and when i arrived
to my territory that day
i was actually relieved when i saw that
i would be working in a large
apartment building see i liked working
in apartment buildings because when
you're assigned to work houses
you have to walk for like 30 seconds
just to get to the next house
on the other hand when you work in an
apartment complex all of the doors are
right next to each other
you can quickly clear out the entire
floor in just a matter of minutes and
take tons of breaks
so that day i went about my usual
routine i climbed to the top floor of
the building
and i started knocking on doors and not
a single person was home
which wasn't a surprise because it was a
weekday morning
so i sat down to take a quick break and
play on my phone and that's when i felt
like something was off a shiver went
down my back
my spider senses started tingling and i
realized
that i was scared i looked around but
there was nothing
nobody else was on the floor and it was
weird because the scene itself
wasn't scary at all there was plenty of
sunlight shining through the windows in
the hallway
honestly the best way for me to describe
it is that it felt like something
or someone was watching me it
creeped me out and i quickly got up and
went down to the next floor
and instantly the feeling went away i
thought this was a little bit strange
but i didn't think too much about it at
the time
so i just went back to my usual task of
doing my job and knocking on doors
and when i was almost done with the
entire building i think i was on the
second to last floor
a guy was actually home i guess it was
his day off from work or something
he opened his door and looked at me and
he said
wow i can't believe you have the guts to
work in this building
and i was like what do you mean well
don't you know
a couple of years ago a door-to-door
salesperson just like yourself
was working this building she got
invited into one of the homes and they
killed her
they chopped her up and put her in the
bathtub
what floor was this on oh it was on the
top floor
which is the same floor where i felt
like someone was watching me
the moment i realized this another
shiver went down my spine and i
immediately
left the building i don't know about you
but i don't mess
around with the supernatural my rule of
thumb in life
is that if something seems like it's the
beginning of a horror movie
then it's time for me to leave
now when you're a door-to-door salesman
you have the freedom to do whatever you
want on the job you don't have a boss
looking over your shoulder making sure
that you're acting picture perfect every
second
because for the most part as long as you
make sales your boss doesn't bother you
at all which means that what you do on
the job and how you get it done
is totally up to you so one morning
while working at another apartment
building
i got to the very last door in the
building the door right next to the
entrance of the building
and i knocked on it not really expecting
much
and to my surprise a tall young man in a
tank top opened the door
i gave him my usual pitch i started
talking about the internet and the tv
packages that i was offering
and he promptly said that he wasn't
interested
which was no surprise the majority of
people turned me down
so i'm used to the rejection but i
noticed in the background that he had a
giant projector turned on and running
it was projecting what seemed like a
movie onto the wall and i said
wow that's a really cool movie setup
that you got going on
and to my surprise he invited me in you
want to check it out
sure i agreed and in i went and that's
when i realized
that what he was about to watch was the
latest episode
of game of thrones now back then
i was a huge fan of game of thrones now
this is of course
before they butchered the last season i
sat down and i asked him if i could
watch it with him
because i actually haven't watched this
episode yet and he said yes
and that's when he pulled out a giant
bong and asked me if i wanted to smoke
now prior to this i had actually never
taken any substances on the job
other than like a glass of wine that
some old lady offered me
so i was hesitant at first but if
there's anything that i've learned in
life
it's that saying yes to things that
you've never done before can often lead
to some very
memorable experiences this does not
apply to hard drugs
and hitting a bond with a random
stranger on a weekday morning
to watch game of thrones on a giant
movie projector screen
was definitely something that i've never
done before
so i said why not i hit the bong
multiple times and i got blasted into
space
and we watched the episode i remember it
clearly it was one of the most
epic episodes in the entire series
the one with the battle of the wall
to this day i'd still say that it was
one of the best episodes in the
entire series it was action-packed to
the brink
with very little filler there were
giants and fireballs and battering rams
and ice everywhere
it was amazing we both were so excited
and we were screaming throughout the
entire episode
and all the crazy stuff that was
happening and when the episode finally
ended
i looked at my new friend and i asked
him if i could do this again with him
next week
and he said yes and so
i bid my new friend farewell and went
back to work knocking on doors around
the neighborhood
and what's funny is that i was still
pretty high at the time
i didn't really look in the mirror so i
didn't know how i looked or
how i was acting but for some reason
that day people seemed to like
interacting with me which was strange
because people usually hate door-to-door
salesmen
and true story this was actually the
first time in my entire career
where i made three sales in a day
bringing in over 300
for today which was a lot of money for
me and for the next two weeks i returned
to my friend
to watch the latest episode of game of
thrones and after the third week he told
me
you know what i don't really need better
internet but if it's gonna help you out
man
i'll do it for you and so he asked me to
sign him up
this experience actually really left a
huge impact on me because i started to
realize
that success is not always dictated by
how professional
or by the book you are sometimes you can
succeed in life and have fun
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stay tuned
