

New New Testament

Gospel of Jesus Christ

King Namor Version

Steve Howard

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PUBLISHED BY:

Steve Howard on Smashwords

New New Testament

Gospel of Jesus Christ

Copyright © 2010 by Steve Howard 773U5

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission by the copyright owner and the publisher of this book, except in the case of quotations embodied in critical articles, essays and reviews.

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This work is based on and holds true to one of the most talked about characters of all time. Jesus Christ. The story remains the same as the original. It is brought to a more modern language to make the ideas clearer. There is always room for interpretation in all writing. The Bible is not an exception. It is a fairy tale that borrows from older fairy tales. All rights are reserved.

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Table of Content

jesus christ chapter 01

jesus christ chapter 02

jesus christ chapter 03

jesus christ chapter 04

jesus christ chapter 05

jesus christ chapter 06

jesus christ chapter 07

jesus christ chapter 08

jesus christ chapter 09

jesus christ chapter 10

jesus christ chapter 11

jesus christ chapter 12

jesus christ chapter 13

jesus christ chapter 14

jesus christ chapter 15

jesus christ chapter 16

jesus christ chapter 17

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## Gospel of Jesus Christ

jesus christ chapter 01

Two of my uncles that worked with my dad were called Jesus so my family all called me Howie. Sometimes Howard. And when I did something that got Mom mad, which wasn't hard, Jesus H.

Many of my teachers called me Jesus H. Christ when I told them they were wrong.

I like my name so I told them often that they were wrong. They were wrong often enough. And of course, I went to a Jewish private school. My teachers were mostly old priests.

"Jesus H. Wash your hands properly. Look at this towel. Did you use any soap."

I didn't say anything. It was Dad that didn't wash his hands properly. He was so often in and out of his office and in the shop helping get a shipment of tables and chairs ready for transport to half the cities in Egypt. He was so preoccupied all the time that he seldom took notice of his wife and children. And seldom thought of the soap.

"How was your day at school, Howie."

"Good Dad. I told our Torah teacher that he didn't understand the character of Moses and he threw me out of class so that he could brainwash the other kids without me contradicting his teachings."

"Jesus H. We send you to a private Jewish school and you talk like a common Gentile."

"I got an 'A' on my math test, Mom."

"That's good James."

"Pass the goat cheese."

Mom liked to tell us we weren't just special because we were Jewish but we had a direct family tree to King David. Being the oldest son, I was in line for the throne. Back in a land I had yet to know because it was a land ruled by Romans. Dad thought I could take over his furniture business.

"King David was a tyrant and a murderer. Most of our ancestors were either sheepherders or sheepherder slaves. King Solomon went through his fame having sex with hundreds of women. Everyone trying to see who could make the most descendents to take over the world from some other bunch of mad monkeys that if you believe the bloody Torah, don't even exist."

"Jesus H. Go to you room before I wash your mouth out with soap."

Mom thought it was part of her job to show me her dedication to the laws of our ancestors. As if they came from a time when they knew everything about God.

People in Egypt didn't think much about Moses or King David. Most of my friends didn't even know who they were. They had different ideas about God.

I was being unruly in school one day and the teacher sent me out of the classroom to chill in the hallway for a little while. I hadn't even had time to realize what had happened when I saw a dark figure down the hall.

The high priest of the school happened to come out of his office and walked right up to me with his clothing of authority. Begging me to defy him. He must have been 80 years old. Everyone knew he didn't like children who stepped out of line.

"What are you doing out here."

"The teacher wanted me to relax and not interrupt his lesson."

"You go back in and apologize before the class."

I shook my head in the negative.

"Too my office, young man."

We walked in silence down the long hall to his office. Everyone knew that his office was not a good place for students to have to go.

When we got to his office and the door was closed, he took the whip off the wall and put it on his desk. He sat behind his desk with a serious expression. He made the best live portrait to represent authority that his limited talent would allow.

"You need to learn to respect authority."

He said many more things to convince me that I had committed a serious crime. I stood and looked down and heard him but didn't really listen. I was a little confused still to what was happening to me. When he figured that he could not convince me to bend to his will on his own, he decided to send for my mother. Double the troops. Scare me into submission. And my mother came, looking a little nervous. But she was pretty like an angel and she was proud that her son was a stubborn bastard. She tried to hide her smile but she couldn't help from shining.

"Whip him, if you must, you won't change his mind if he has made it up."

That wasn't quite that answer he was looking for. She was supposed to tell me what to do and she simply didn't even bother to try.

The High Priest was a little flustered at my mother's lack of intervention so he sent for my teacher and attempted to convince him to help in the mission to make me repent.

But the teacher was one of the young priests that actually liked children and he couldn't see the point in torturing me any longer when all he had intended was that I spend a few moments of reflection out of the classroom. He had no intension to make a big show of it.

"I think he has been through enough, maybe we should all go back to what we were doing."

The old priest didn't even look at my teacher. It turned out to be three against the one who had intended to have it three against me. The old priest threw up his hands and waved us out.

"Go. All of you. Jesus, I'm watching you."

Watch closely, dead camel flogger, I'm not done yet.

jesus christ chapter 02

"Herod is dead. We are moving back to Israel."

"Israel sucks, why can't we stay in Egypt."

"Herod is dead."

"Yes, Mom, so what. What is that to us."

This was a subject like sex. No discussion.

"We are from Israel. Your dad has many contacts there and is leaving Uncle Jesus and Uncle Jesus to run this place and he's going to open another place back in the home of King David."

Bloody King David. Part of the deal was that Dad would have more time for us. He planned on importing Lebanon cedar and African hardwoods. Then it would come to pass that he would specialize in expensive furniture for Roman officials with too much money.

It sounded like an excuse. Mom wanted us back in the land of her forefathers. And when she had her next baby, who would be called Judas or Judith depending on if it was a boy or a girl, we were packing the donkeys and camels and moving back to a place me and my brothers and sister didn't know.

Dad made the money and Mom managed the family. Children had no vote.

One day I went out and played with my wooden boat in the little stream.

While I played alone in the woods, I was visited by a man. I knew there wasn't really a man there because I hadn't heard him approach. I knew that when I looked around, he would not be there. The man had a message for me. I didn't know what it could be and I didn't understand why I knew he was there when I knew he wasn't there. And when I finally looked up he wasn't there and I could have supposed it was just my imagination but I didn't get around to wondering. Someone else was really there in front of me.

"Hi Howie, what's up."

It was my nameless friend. I wasn't certain why I put up with my nameless friend that seemed to come out of nowhere. Sometimes he came to steal my sister Sharlie's toys. He avoided James because James punched him in the head one day.

"Nothing."

"No, come on, tell me."

"I found a bird's nest with eggs."

"No way."

"There is always a way."

"I'd really like to see those eggs."

I bet you would. I thought. And he understood my not speaking for the only answer it could mean.

"Come on Jesus. Trust me. I won't touch them. I just want to see them. I bet they are pretty."

"Yes. They are blue."

"Ya. That's nice. Show me. I promise on my mother's tits I won't touch them."

I was in a fix. I knew I didn't trust him. I felt stupid for even telling him about the eggs. Like I had sinned against the birds. But he was persistent and he promised me on his mother's tits that he wouldn't do what I most feared.

Reluctantly, I took him behind the house, listening to him go on about his promise that ended as soon as he saw the eggs. He didn't hesitate long enough for me to make a sound.

He grabbed all three eggs and threw one after the other at the back wall of our house.

I stood and looked at my nameless friend who I was now certain I did not like.

"They are just stupid Plover eggs."

And that was the explanation for their destruction.

They are just sinning Gentiles.

I think he stopped existing after that. It was like he had been sent by a daemon to terrorize me. To destroy my faith. But that was how my ancestor's thought.

I knew something was wrong with him. I didn't think, oh, the poor stupid fellow likely has an alcoholic mother and his two brothers are in jail for raping a little Jewish girl and his dad had killed himself because my dad put him out of business with his modern tools and imported craftsmen.

I didn't think that because it still wouldn't make it make sense. There was no sense to be made of it. He was a senseless boy that liked to lie, steal, deceive and smash things.

Like my own ancestors and relatives. Killing birds to wash away sins or mold from a house. Telling people to get circumcised then murdering them all.

Most of my memories from Egypt were all right. Most of the kids didn't care if I was a Jew. They told me I could be whatever I wanted to be.

We often picked someone different for different games.

I never picked a Jew. I liked playing Hercules and held baby goats over my head. I sometime played the hero that started a world war to get to take Helene as his lover. Especially if there was a pretty girl playing with us.

I didn't know what I wanted to do with her. Sex was taboo. Even thinking about it. And I was just a confused kid. They told me. But I was a bright kid. Grampa Jacob took a special interest in my abilities. He was a Mathematics professor and enjoyed giving me hard problems to figure out. Things he taught to boys much older than me. He tried not to get over excited but he adored my little curious contradictory mind.

Grandparents are like that. Giving you cookies before dinner and everything else.

When Judas was born and old enough to travel, we packed up and moved to Bethlehem up until Dad wasn't certain if it was such a good idea and we went to Nazareth in the land of Galilee.

We were supposed to be Israelites again. Roman Jews. Obeying Moses and Herod the son of Herod at the same time.

And it was so obvious to me that they were both idiots and kids believed in balls that could be kicked around and olive trees that could be climbed, forts that could be built and any other kind of adventure or entertainment that had little to do with the dead and live tyrants that told our obedient parents what to do.

"Ha, you're dead on a cross."

That game was stupid but my friends loved to play it. The Romans were always hanging the insubordinates on crosses to be eaten by dogs and birds. To scare us. My friends like to make a game of it.

The Roman soldiers always laughed at us.

"One day you little brats will grow up to be thieves and we'll nail you all to real crosses."

When they weren't looking, we gave them the finger.

jesus christ chapter 03

I started in on my mother shortly after puberty, trying to explain to her that proclaiming belief in the murder God of our ancestors was madness.

"Our ancestors were stinking sheep and goat herders. Chicken farmers, cattle ranchers. What is so bloody holy about any of them."

"You are King of the Jews, Jesus H."

"Not without an army, I'm not."

"We've been worshipping the God of Abram, Isaac and Israel since God put us on the Earth."

"God. Did God put us on the Earth to worship him. Has he an ego problem."

"Oh, Jesus, why can't you just believe like everyone else."

"You mean every other faithful obedient Jew too terrified to put anything to question. The Earth is covered in people who never heard the name of Moses. The great bastard son of a Pharaoh."

"Jesus H. You drive me crazy with your constant contradiction."

"You've read the book Mom. A bastard can't be a Jew. They have set aside Hell for me and you too."

My cousin John eventually convinced me to give it up with my mother. She was chained by her guilt. It mattered not that the guilt was a lie. A lie passed on over generations.

"Why does everyone feel better feeling guilty and hopeless. John."

"Because, Howie, my clever brother, they are simple. They haven't the courage to question something as big as, have our ancestors been foolish slaves for 3 thousand years."

John and I spent many afternoons and evening conspiring. Conspiring to plot a meaning between the gods of the east, gods of Greece and Rome, gods we never heard of and the god that helped Moses kill people.

"What we need, John."

"Go on."

"A God whose main preoccupation isn't murder and law."

"Well, Jesus, my boy. What do you suggest."

"How about a god of love."

"I'll help you sell that."

"God of life. God for the living and not something to kill yourself for in war so the kings can get rich."

"I'm hearing you."

"So how do we do it."

"That will take a little effort. We'll have to have all the answers because we'll have to be very public and execute some major theater. You are talking a war against war itself."

"I want to do it."

"You are a king, brother. You can do what you wish."

John was my second cousin as well as a half brother. No one liked to talk about us being half brothers because no one liked to acknowledge that our mothers had been raped by King Herod. King Herod had raped so many Jewish virgins that we didn't know how many half brothers and half sisters we had. Rumor had it that he had out done King Solomon long before he died. No one really knew how he died but almost every king was murdered. It was tradition. Just like it was tradition for them to take the firstborn. Or better said, make the first born.

John had actually got to see Herod several times before he died. John was permitted in the little private library Herod had and never used except to impress visitors. John would sit in the library and read as long as no one noticed he was there. Sometimes Herod would find him there and tell him to read aloud. Not because he found anything interesting. He wasn't that bright. Herod liked to hear the sound of John's voice and look out the window at his little domain.

"Okay, Johnnie, piss off now, I've got visitors coming this evening."

"Yes, My Lord."

Herod usually smiled when his bastard children called him My Lord. It pleased his vulgar super ego.

"What are you thinking, John."

"I was just thinking of our father."

"I never got to meet him."

"He was a bit of a fucking moron but his son Herod is worse. He is an erection looking for a place to cum. He can barely see beyond his dick."

"My erection is also looking for a place to cum."

"But you don't go around raping Jewish virgins."

"I think about them when I jerk off."

"That doesn't hurt anyone."

"Hurts my dick sometimes."

John laughed then gave me a serious look like it was time for me to listen up.

"We are going to need to deal with the Romans if we want to bust open our religion. We are talking a major disruption. It's a camel train running in circles thousands of years."

"You've already been thinking about this, John."

"I've read many books, Jesus Christ. And few of them were written by Jews. Anyone who can see can see that the whole thing is fucked up. But I can tell you. I don't think knowing what we know that we can just ignore it. We should really do something."

"John, I hear you."

"Jesus, it's a dirty job. But we have to do it."

"John, I'm with you."

"No, Jesus Christ. I'm with you."

"John. Stop looking so damn serious."

"This is serious, Brother."

"Life is too beautiful to be talked about seriously. Come, Brother, let us lighten up a little."

We decided to swear on our mission before our new, yet to be known god. Neither of us really liked the idea of taking an oath. It was a retarded apish ritual. So instead, we swore every curse we knew all the way back in to Nazareth. No one heard us but the sheep and birds and they seemed to smile at the two young men that had decided to really fight a war against the system of slavery that the rulers had handed down through the resent ages.

"You murdering raping childrenfuckers can all go fuck yourselves."

"You lying snakes of hell can piss off and rot in a pile of shit."

"Stick you holy fucking lies and laws up you stinking assholes."

"Long enough with genocide and plunder, now we'll have no more of it."

"See you tomorrow, Brother."

"We'll put an end to this fucking tyranny."

"If it takes 2,000 years."

"John Levi, are you serious."

"Jesus Christ, think about the walls we must break down."

jesus christ chapter 04

We were sitting around with little interest in doing anything when Mikie suggested we go and see if we could pick up some loose gentile girls at the low rentals. Divorced mothers and tax collectors. Though we had been taught differently, what and who they were didn't matter to us. It just meant it was asking for trouble at home if anyone should find out.

When we got to their little pleasant ghetto, our mission was obvious to them. Our intention went out before us. Luckily, no one minded. Even the boys were glad to see us. The Jew boys from families that lived in houses in the Jewish quarter. Slumming it.

We stayed all afternoon and into the night.

After a few visits, James and Andrew didn't come back with us. I was surprised to find I was the boyfriend of Dinah and really enjoyed kissing Rachel and Clara. Clara was Timothy's girl and she liked to flirt with me and kiss me to see if Timothy would do anything.

He didn't. When Timothy wasn't there, I played with Clara's breasts. They were so fresh and firm. I could fondle them and forget the rest of the world. And she liked it.

It was all over after a few moons but it was a real good experience to have so much fun with all the gentiles.

I met Mary Helene a short while after that. She went to Synagogue with her family. Our families were distantly related. Which should have disturbed me. I was determined not to fall in love with a Jew. Stupid really. I was angry at the religion, not the people in it.

Mary Helene made that clear to me when she looked at me. She was still 12 and I thought maybe a bit too young. So we didn't talk in the Synagogue. I pretended I was not interested in her. I was too involved with the elders, trying to get them to admit they were full of shit.

About a year later, I finally talked to her at a goat roast. Sin offering.

"Hi Jesus."

"You show me love with your eyes."

"Everyone shows you love."

"Not like you do. Can you tell me your name."

"My parents always call me Mary Helene. My friends call me Helene."

"Have they arranged a marriage for you yet."

Helene's leg was touching mine. She smiled and kissed my cheeks and went to sit with her family. I went to mine.

"She's pretty, isn't she."

"Who's pretty."

"Mary Helene. Her father has a very good job."

"I don't want to know about her father, Mother. I said hello to the girl because she said hello to me."

Mom didn't buy it. She laughed and found someone else to talk to. Mom wanted her boys to marry Jewish girls. And her girls to marry Jewish boys. Our ancestors could never make up their minds. And with Romans and Arabs and all other kinds of gentiles all around us, it just wasn't working again with sticking to cousins.

After the old people had a few glasses of wine, the goat roast became a nice party. And even though I was amid so many self proclaimed Torah experts, I seldom left looking into Helene's beauty. Her movements were natural like a beast of prey with a full stomach. Relaxed and beautiful. And relaxed in a way that made me feel as relaxed even though a part of me was anything else.

We danced together near the end of the feast. And I smelled her. I breathed in her hair and her hands told me she was confident in her love for me and I fell into her and married her to my heart.

I kept getting a hard on when we danced and had to relieve myself that night before I could sleep.

The next day, we went out of Nazareth and found a place to ourselves.

We talked along the way about our lack of faith in the laws of Moses.

"What I think, Helene, is that as long as our people are defenders of the sacred scriptures of bloody laws and bloody wars, there will be war. It is a book made to make fools think that dying in war at the age of 14 or 18 is honourable. It gives the soldier a good place in heaven. If he wins and doesn't die in a war, he can rape and plunder."

"It's not a very nice picture."

"No. No it's worse than that, Helene. The priests and their warlords are making our lives hell. And instead of getting killed at 18, a man could do anything else. The Warlords, with all their various titles and their Priests and Sadducees are the only winners of war. Helene, when one opens their eyes and sees it, it doesn't go away. It is like being awake in someone's dream. It is very frustrating. It seems so wrong and impossible to change."

"I don't know, my sweet Jesus. But I believe if anyone can make a difference, you can. I see how people love you. I have seen you and John conspiring. It is a pretty thing to watch."

"No one will believe us though. They are still asleep and they think we are just crazy teenagers."

"I believe you. Your friends do. And I think, even though most people won't admit it, they know things could be better here. We are not so blind as to not know that we are slaves. Even if we are fortunate slaves."

"I love you, Helene."

"I know you do."

She didn't let me think about anything after that but her. I felt ageless, as if I had come from forever and had always longed for love. That I would always feel at home in Helene's touch.

It was forbidden what we did. By dead ancestors who had no understanding for the magic in the life that was ours. To embrace and to commune.

Then evening came and I had to take Helene home.

I didn't wash that night. I wanted to smell the scents of her that lingered and mixed with my own not at all modest sent.

I felt like an animal. I imagined I could understand my world. The canine souls and feline souls showed themselves to me. They expected something from me.

Everyone showed me love and even my dreams told me I must fight. Even impressions of moths attacking me when my faith in my own capability faltered reminded me that I was not to give in to the authority.

My Jewish family believed I was supposed to be a King of a tribe I was only related to through my raped mother. I knew that even if my father Joseph had been my real father it was still a big illusion. The king game was just a mean game. A myopic ego trip. It was like they never got out of the sand box. Before the God that John and I wanted to propagate, I could not play the ruling king of a kingdom of servants game.

"There will be synagogues long after you're dead."

One of the Sadducees told me that. And I knew he was right. John had told me the same thing. It was next to impossible to stop such a camel caravan.

But I had the strangest feeling that the rest of life would help me if I just walked through my fears and let the animal in me help me listen and hear. It wasn't a war that John and I had to fight. There were all the animals that did not believe in the holy kingdoms of mad kings.

Though some days it seemed like my punishment for being a bastard son, I was really happy to be awake. I could see that the life around me was real.

What I couldn't understand was why the man made world around me seemed to persist as if the dream was the real world.

jesus christ chapter 05

"Humans are like a big zit. The common poor people are the puss. The priests and Sadducees are the dirt that the puss is trying to push away from the skin. The skin is God. Kings are just part of the dirt."

"Not bad, Jesus. But zits are a little like ass holes. We don't talk about them. Not when speaking publicly."

"Why not."

"Moses probably said don't talk about zits or assholes."

"I like assholes."

"They certainly are practical for excreting the food our bodies didn't metabolize."

"I'd like to go to university, John. I don't think my father will pay for me to go to Baghdad. How the hell did you get accepted there."

"Since the opening of the university, I had the highest score on the entrance exam."

"Bloody hell, I am impressed. Why have you told no one."

"No one asked."

"You modesty is shocking. I'm a lucky guy to have you as a brother."

"You underestimate yourself, Jesus. You will bloom into a king of kings. It is already in you."

"I don't feel it."

"You don't know what it is not to be you. You can only know what it is for others to know you."

"Thanks, John."

"I've read many books, Jesus. If you are serious about taking on the system you need to know as many sides of it as you can. Books don't tell us everything but they tell us much and they are great training for the mind."

"I know, and I will catch up to you in a few years."

"I'm sure you will blow by me. Just keep reading."

I would have loved to go to Baghdad with John but I simply wasn't ready. And it was far away from Galilee. Dad had many connections in Cairo. After I had brought my reading up to speed, I passed the entrance exam and was accepted for a two-year course. My major was theology. Know your enemy. Legend and Myth and Eastern Religion made up the balance.

It was a shock to my system, being away from home, seeing very little of Helene. I had had it too easy in school and had to still learn how to learn and concentrate when reading and studying. It was a new dimension of my mind.

It didn't take too long. There were more brilliant thinkers than I had imagined in my sheltered Torah life. I was soon reading because I loved venturing into the minds of the great writers.

After my two years in Cairo, I received a scholarship and a part time teaching position at the University of Istanbul. Helene moved to Istanbul to study as well. She concentrated on the arts. Dancing was her favorite course. She studied theater. We acted out many of the plays in our apartment.

After two years of studies, I worked full time as a teacher for two years. And took a few courses in architecture and music history. It was hard work but I felt like I was on a permanent vacation. It was great not being in Israel with all my oppressed relatives. Rome oppressed them less than their old silly religion. Being away from that was very good for me. It gave me my wings.

"Helene, I think I am in heaven."

"You are. And we are going to take a few days off."

"Off what."

"No university the next few days."

"Is there life outside the university."

"Most of life never gets to see a university."

"That's a shame, at least for the human part of life."

"You don't need to go to university to plow a field and that is something that always has to be done."

We decided to go up to Sinnap's house on the lake. She had invited us several times and drawn us a map and told us where to get a boat and how long it took. And just do it and don't plan it. Whenever she wasn't at the university she was there.

We took a boat along the Küre Daglart coast and came to the large yet modest estate. Sinnap saw us walking along the water and came running out to meet us.

"Jesus, Helene, what a wonderful surprise. And what luck that you come today. My husband and parents are in Athina till next week."

Sinnap's family was very conservative but Sinnap wasn't and enjoyed being naked and especially enjoyed sharing her bed with us. It wasn't the first time. She had come to our apartment under the pretence of studying with me or working on a project. And not left till the next morning. We didn't always have sex but we always slept together. Enjoying the tough of one another like any other pack of monkeys would.

If my mother knew, she would lay an egg.

We decided to stay the week. It was too beautiful to only spend a few days. It was heaven to wake up slowly in the morning. Not care how much time before the next event. Go for a swim before breakfast on the terrace.

On the third day, we got up early and sailed with Sinnap's boat to Sinop. Helene and I pretended to be her personal servants and she was someone important. Which really she was.

Personal servants were preferred over slaves. It showed more dignity.

We had a wonderful meal with many local vegetables and local chickens. With imported spices and local spices. They were known around the lake for their chicken.

Helene had the fish. Local as well. From the brother, the other brother of the owner of the Inn.

We stayed the night in a small room overlooking the lake. We made love under the laughing moon.

"You know, sometimes I think almost anything could be possible. We just haven't seen it yet."

"From what I know of you, Jesus, we will see it soon."

jesus christ chapter 06

Then we took the boat that changed our lives. Rome wanted me in their university. Helene didn't get out of bed for 40 days. I thought her soul had left her. Or stayed behind.

My contract was for a minimum of three years. I thought about sending Helene back to Galilee. I thought about going with her to Galilee even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Other than go straight to hell.

I couldn't go to Galilee and Helene knew that if I wanted to make a difference in the world of the blind, I would not pass up a chance to be in the heart of the ruling Empire.

The magistrate told me to take Helene to his sister's place in the Toscana. I could use the time to study and prepare for my Latin course and Helene, he assured me, would come back to life in the quiet gentle hills. Far away from the noise of the city.

And she did. She opened up like a flower.

We were back in heaven and Helene was no longer having monthly periods. We weren't so ignorant as to not understand how it had happened but it still came as a surprise. We had stopped being careful since I had a teaching job in Istanbul and we weren't certain if I couldn't bare children or she couldn't. Both beliefs had turned out to be false. Like it so often is with beliefs.

Our hosts in the Toscana were John Camus and Mary. They had two children: Paulo, who was 6 and Malinda, who was seven and a half but would soon be 12. There were 2 really big dogs, Rolax and Borus. They both moved very slowly. John Camus had been a lawyer for the Roman senate until he couldn't take Rome anymore. He moved with his girlfriend and their two children to an old stone house with a stall where they kept a few goats and sheep. They had a fenced off area with chickens.

I felt at home.

"My ancestors where almost all sheep herders or soldiers."

"I come from a family of city and village folk."

"I was born in Bethlehem but we moved to Cairo shortly after my birth. After Cairo we were in Nazareth. After a few more brothers and sisters were born, dad set up his dream business in Nazareth."

"What's your dad do."

"Furniture. He has a company in Cairo that does a very large volume. In Nazareth he does personal designs and room concepts and makes almost as much money working half as much. It was the best thing to happen to our family. He slowed down a little every year."

"So he sent you to university to become a professor."

"He paid my first two years in Cairo. In Istanbul I worked part time and had a full scholarship."

"And now you are a professor in the most important university in the world."

"It certainly has that reputation."

It was good. Rome had stolen most of their culture and unlike my ancestors they didn't burn all of it. They mixed it into what they had.

Much of it was from the Greeks and there they plundered the beginning of a direction in thinking. The more I learned, the more I realized there was much too much we didn't know. The sum of what we didn't know overwhelmed the sum of all the great minds that ever were and as far as I could tell, it would be like that a long time.

It was almost terrifying. Without the confinements of God and Law there simply seemed to be no limits to uncertainty.

John Camus looked at me as if he had come to a conclusion.

"What do you think, Jesus."

"That the road ahead of us is longer than the road behind us."

"Well, I say we better eat to prepare for the big journey. And we gotta feed the little one. Do you have a name yet."

"No, we want to see if it comes to us."

"You sound like a farmer. Let me show you my shop before we prepare dinner."

John Camus took me to his glass shop. Doors and windows and lamps in stained glass and lead.

"I don't make much money but I'm also not dead from working too hard. The sooner you learn to slow down and enjoy life, the more rewards life gives you. The best thing I ever did, besides having kids with Mary, was drop my life in Rome and come out here."

"It certainly is beautiful."

"Stay for a while. We'll play a game of chess and talk about Rome and it's madness."

"I'd love to John Camus, but I have a Latin exam in four days and a seminar to give in six and someone is taking my classes as long as I'm here. And I've just started my job. Otherwise, I'd stay here with Helene and help you make windows till the baby comes."

"Jesus, Jesus. You must learn to relax."

"When I'm 36, I'll relax. For a few days at least."

"Let Helene stay for a few moons."

I thought about the idea for a second to see if I could find any reason that was not too selfish to decline the offer.

"It is a good idea. It may be good for me to miss her and get settled into the university."

I left the next morning, the sixth day, and left Helene in paradise and went back to a place with heaven and hell beating at one another. I went out the first few nights until I got used to my rooms, our rooms, without Helene.

Rome bored me. It was like a circus all the time. Always loud. Sometimes horrible smells attacked me in the streets. There was much going on but nothing happening. It was destined to go the way of the Empires before it.

After having seen a little of Rome on my own, the magistrate took me to an afternoon event at the coliseum. To take in a little culture. See something of the grandeur of Rome. We had good seats. We could see the high-ranking officials in their royal garb. They, of course, couldn't see me, the unsung King of the Jews. Though, really, if it were to be a Jewish King that was to be King of the Jews, it would have to be my brother James, the first son of my dad. I was just another bastard child of a not so high-ranking small time dictator. Technically, I was in line for nothing. Which was fine with me. I had no intention to be a Jew. Or their King. Kings were a curse as was religion.

I watched and saw apes with metal and leather instead of fur. Apes that looked like humans, all dressed up in different armor. All with weapons of steel. And they killed each other while 40,000 sun-drunk Romans cheered along. I sat dumbfounded wondering about the question of civilization. I saw a mad species of animal and I was sitting among them and could not see how it had come to such a state of madness. What had gone wrong for us to end up in such an obvious travesty. If their had been a God responsible for our mad theater, that God was insane.

"You don't like it too much."

"What. Sorry, no. In fact, I was just thinking that if it was a God that created us, I would like to have a word or two with him."

"The only gods responsible for this are sitting there in their finery grinning like they have something hidden in their asses. Jesus, don't ever be sorry. We will simply get up and leave. I am pleased that you don't like it. You are the first I have brought here that has told me so. They call us civilized. And this is our entertainment. They cleared an area of housing holding over a thousand people, and don't ask me how much stolen wealth they threw at the monster structure to hold 40,000 fools. It's bloody frightening."

"Well, shit, I'm glad to hear you think so."

We got up and left in the middle of one of the bloody games. No one took notice of us.

We found a cafe and talked a mix of politics, philosophy, theology, sex and astronomy.

"You are a God send, Jesus Christ. I have been waiting for someone like you since I started teaching in the university."

"For someone like me."

"I've been watching you. I can see how you look at the world."

"I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about but a friend of mine told me the same thing."

"Are you Jewish or Palestinian."

"If you promise to try to not tell anyone, I'm half Roman."

"Many people are Roman."

"He was as Roman as they get."

"Oh, you are a first son."

"Of a small minded tyrant."

It seemed like an eternity before I finally traveled back north to the Toscana to be with Helene.

"Helene. You are an angel."

She put her arms around me and kissed me and I knew I wanted her back in Rome. We would have to get out to the Middle Sea on my days off. And I would have to take them. I was about to be a dad. I would work like a sensible man. As little as possible.

jesus christ chapter 07

The first effect of forcing myself to slow down was realizing I wasn't a kid anymore. Life raced on and we all seemed oblivious to it. In Rome.

In Rome their religion was events. People killing each other always drew a full coliseum. Festivals inspired mass drunkenness. The university was an island of relative sanity. Most people couldn't read or write and we had a library full of writings, that if diligently read and understood would have warned us not to be like we were.

I knew that I was one of the fortunate, coming from a line of sheepherders, warriors and plunderers. In the theater of our father's stolen and lost land, I was the king. A king with no kingdom, no great wealth, and no belief in his or anyone else's forefathers.

"Jesus, I've been looking all over for you."

"I have been sitting here all day reading through Plutarch's lives."

"We have an application from Nazareth. You wouldn't happen to know the fellow."

Charus handed me the application.

"John Levi. He's my first mentor, half brother and second cousin."

Charus took a moment to work out the connections.

"Would you recommend him. Do you think the university should hire him on."

"Charus, his brilliance is beyond mortals. He had access to Herod's private library. He is the most well read man I know. When we were young we made a pact that we would change the future. Smash down the temples and open the way to the heavens."

"Good answer, Jesus. I'll send for your friend and mentor."

"We are the gods, Charus. I know this. I don't know how to prove it but I can see it. We are still infants. Not yet awake. Animal gods. It's crazy. I am certain that we have only just realized we are here. We've not yet awoken."

"Jesus Christ, I love your philosophy and if there is such thing as animal becoming god, you are among the first."

"They want to wake up, Charus. I can see their spirits straining to become present. We are just far too stubborn and comfortable in our known hell. We don't want to leave our cages."

"I have one other applicant I want you to read through. He's from the west."

Charus was more like a father to me than my magistrate. I was so much like the Jews of our stories that it frightened me.

Joseph went to Egypt, took over the land after befriending the Pharaoh. Stole the wealth of Egypt. Daniel, all the prophets. All the same thing. Clever Jews taking over one land after the other. When they could not take a land with being clever, they slaughtered it.

I didn't want to be a king of that theater. I wanted a world where people had access to the same heaven I had. Where the term Jew simply had no meaning. Where everyone belonged to the family of gentiles.

The Jews were not of a different blood. Just a different book of lies.

The university received hundreds of applications for very few job positions. Anyone who had studied wanted a job teaching or working on research. In the capital of the known world.

Fredard's letter was brilliant. He was a master of language. His qualifications were redundant. I was reading it just for the joy of it for the sixth time when Charus came back to the library.

"What do you think."

"I love him already. He is a master of words."

"Wonderful. I have one more."

"Why are you asking me. Am I now on the board of hiring new teachers."

"No. They aren't new teacher. It's your team you are putting together."

"My team."

"I've read everything you have written since you started publishing in Istanbul. I've been dreaming of this day. Of the next days."

"Charus. What are you talking about."

"You are born for this job, Jesus. And the Empire has granted you your own hand picked team, as many as you need, and you are going to be a prophet. The Lord of the new way."

"What. You don't believe in prophets anymore than I do."

"It doesn't matter what we believe. Or that we don't believe. What matters is that I've never met a man of such clarity and certainty as you and we are going to find a way to bring your message to the masses. We are going to affect a new mind set. Mold a new paradigm. We are going to build a bridge between the Romans and the Jews. And the Empire is sold on the idea because it will mean less soldiers."

"Gentiles and Jews."

"You are the antivirus my friend."

"I am the what."

"You are the end of the curse. Like your Noah was supposed to be. We have time to figure out the details. First we must put together your team. I've got another stack of applications to go through."

I watched Charus leave again. Everyone in the library watched him leave. When he blew out like a summer rainstorm, everyone was looking at me.

"Heaven is at hand."

I sat back down and read through Karl Karmuscus. His application was the first that had little to do with the study of religious or philosophical thought. He was what one would classify as a materialist. Only the physical was what mattered to his studies. He gave evidence of ship routes from South Inunik to Egypt. With this evidence, and many math equations I didn't care to understand, he showed that not only was the Earth not the center of the heavens. It went around the Sun as did Venus, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter and Saturn.

"I've one more."

"I certainly like this man's thinking."

"Shall I write to him."

"Yes."

Goddard Hernstein was a Jew. He didn't think like a student that had believed the teachings of the Torah. Or anything else. He seemed so absolutely beautiful, childish and impossible. With disturbing clarity.

The next application was from China. Fau Ming. On my third read I understood that she was a woman.

"We will go through the rest tomorrow, Jesus. Let us find our women and I'll take you to a fine restaurant to celebrate the world's first think society."

"The Borus Charus Foundation of Geniuses and Masterminds."

"You wish. You are the king, my boy."

"I am no such thing."

Charus laughed like a father that knew his son would see the joke one day.

"What is it we're doing. Charus."

"We are going to make a religion out of your dreams. I know as much as you do we don't need any more Religions. But you ask too much, Jesus. The people cannot read. They need generations of proper education to understand you. We have to make something that will last until the world is ready. There will be wars and disasters and the only way, now, to insure we don't loose what we now have, is to bury you in the Empire's new religion."

"That is madness."

"Oh yes it is."

"I just want people to stop killing each other and understand that heaven is here and now. That we are all one family. That we are not above or outside of the rest of life. That love will serve us better and longer than hate and war."

"Jesus Christ. That's all you want. To turn around the entire caravan that has run itself into a deep rut. Two thousand years, maybe."

"And you think it is still cause for celebration. To look at you one would think we had already won a great battle."

"Ah, my friend. We have. We have broken out of the rut."

"Two thousand years."

"Do you know how long we have been on this planet. Running blind toward the cliff of destruction."

"No."

"Nor do I. No one does. But I know it has been a very very long time to get to us."

"We are still growing."

"Yes. In more ways than we can imagine. We will break the rusty cages, my friend. You are the man that will open the last gate."

We walked without saying anything for a while so that I could put together the story that had been set down in front of me. It was a mad adventure. Something that no one had done before. And perhaps, not despite that but rather because of that, we just might pull it off.

"Charus. I could eat a horse."

"Christ, do I know the place."

jesus christ chapter 08

My classrooms became over crowded. I was infected and my students included most of the other professors of the university. Charus wouldn't allow me to give extra classes but did get the university to give me great halls to teach in.

We chose a week of festivals to leave Rome and travel to the home of John and Mary, the sister of Charus in the Toscana. Helene with her big belly, Morane, the wife of Charus and their son Warim.

And my think team of six men and one woman. Arbard Ekstein was also a Jew. From the west. I had the feeling we were everywhere.

"What is a Jew."

Hernstein laughed and asked us what a fish was.

"Jesus Christ is a fish."

"I don't believe it."

"I know that he is."

The first night we stayed in the Toscana we talked witty nonsense in several languages and played games. It was a blast not having any intention other than to enjoy the communion of one another. Rome didn't matter. Nor did the Jews. The mighty warlords were fighting somewhere else and we knew our best chance at getting to heaven was to take it when it was with us.

My Latin was getting very good and I could follow any conversation in Latin. I could read and teach in Greek but I had to concentrate to understand when Karmuscus was raving. Helene spoke Hebrew with John most of the night. She was happy to get the news from back home. Ekstein and Nimron shared a language I'd never heard of. Ming spoke every language and received admiration from all. The men, noticeably more.

"This place is heaven."

"I told you Jesus, quit your job and move up here."

"I will. In about 10 years."

"I've got witnesses."

"I never make a vow. It is my intention and when I have finished my work, I truly hope we will be sharing vegetables."

Hernstein told a story that was so absurd and he stone sober in every expression. His diction so elegant. We all had tears from laughing. And Hernstein refused to smile till he was through and had he not laughed with us at the end I would have lost hope in him. There was something terribly tragic in him.

"We are the angels. Because we can see heaven. It is there for anyone and because we are what we are and we believe it is better to be like we are, we are by default obliged to our descendants to release all from slavery and find a better way to manage the wealth of paradise. Or we may lose it. Until we have dropped our death cult worshipping and our plunder luxury. There will be war. War and ignorance. And such a state can never sustain itself. It does not balance out. And."

"And, Jesus Christ, we will find a grand solution."

"But not tonight, please. I'm going to bed."

It was late and after Camus went to bed most everyone followed his lead.

John and I had too much to talk about. We stayed up long after everyone had gone to bed. We kept a small fire burning and sat out on the hill to watch the sun come up.

"Did you ever think we would both end up in the university of Rome."

"Jesus, I have known you since forever. I've never met anyone like you. You are sitting on the source. In the lap of the gods. You have become a real inspiring teacher and quite possibly the first king of the Jews that is not destined to be a tyrant. This is a turning point, Jesus. You, Jesus, you are the bridge. The bridge from the hell of slavery and ignorance to the heaven of freedom and enlightenment."

"I don't know if I can handle such a responsibility."

"You are the man."

"They plan too make our campaign into a religion. You know that. It is a very major long-term conspiracy. And there has to be someone at the other end to figure out what we've done. What must be done."

"I know. It will be you and me and the rest of us. There will be many lives to blunder through but we will all come together again. There is nowhere else we go. This is it and we are in it."

"I like seeing it that way. It's a beautiful thing to perceive, even if it is madness."

"I know it is so, Jesus. We are all gods. And heaven is ours to take back and we will."

John had studied ancient religions and philosophies. There were lands in the east where they didn't question reincarnation. They knew it and they knew every creature was part of the eternal.

"I can sometimes see it. That we are eternal. That our mission, even if it has no real positive effect for the next 2,000 years, is still worth our effort."

"What we know now and the opportunity we have now as the Empire stands. We simply have to make an attempt. Putting one life on the line to win an eternity of lives in heaven instead of hell. I don't see a choice."

"John, you truly are mad."

"Jesus, we will see in 2,000 years that we were right to do this."

"I believe you."

"You don't need to believe anything. We are looking straight into it."

The sun was exploding up over the hills. And I noticed all the sounds around me. And though I knew we knew so little and that our mission was next to impossible, I knew we were real. I knew it was up to us to decide the future. By embracing the chance given in the present.

"Yes, John, we are obviously here."

jesus christ chapter 09

"A few years ago, John and I took a trip to the north west of India to do some hiking in the mountains. It was little planned and turned out to be quite an adventure. We met some interesting people on the way and witnessed some very different cultures.

"But culture and people wasn't really our goal. We wanted to be on our way over mountain passes. On our first mountain climb we started a little too late in the day. The mountain was steep. The path was well kept and it was not a hard climb but it was ever cooler as we left the valley below us. The night air turned cool into cold. Every time we stopped to catch our breath we took only a few moments before starting again to stay warm. It looked like we might be forced to walk the night through for there simply was no place to set up our little tent.

"And just when we had resigned ourselves to this long walk, we rounded another turn and at the turn was a smooth piece of flat land that was big enough and soft enough to set up our tent. We didn't sleep warm but we slept well.

"Next morning we needed only a short hike to come to the top of the pass. And it was a most beautiful sight. We crossed a little bit of snow before coming to a grassy area. We dropped our packs and simply enjoyed our time being there. John went one direction for a little exploring and I went straight to a little rock hill where mountain goats stood. They left it to me and I climbed and stood on the little plateau to look over the great view.

"And everything was clear. I was alive and was void of doubt. And when I came back down and found John I told him I would be a writer and teacher. I would explain the world."

"That's a classic religious experience."

"It was a beautiful experience for sure. And the whole day was a beautiful view of being in heaven.

"But that isn't the fish story. The fish story is what sealed it for me. It was many days later on another mountain pass far away from any village. We were camped at a little lake. We had enough food with us and collected some roots. And the lake was full of little fish. And I wanted so desperately to eat some of them.

"John read the Torah while I walked around and over the little stream that went into the mountain lake. He laughed at me a couple times because I had attempted to catch fish at another lake with no success.

"This situation was different. The fish swam against the little current just enough to stay still under a little ledge of earth. They were so near and yet in a different world.

"Well, I knew I wasn't going to grab them with my hands so I took a walk around the lake to think. At the other side of the lake I found a piece of stiff wire discarded by other travelers. With that piece of wire came an idea. And the idea was to build a net. It took me a little time to construct the makeshift fish trap but once it was finished the job was simple. With a long stick, I scared the fish from their sanctuary and some swam into the lake and some swam up the little stream.

"The stream was so shallow that they had to turn around to come back and when they did, the net was there for them and I pulled out a few fish. I did that a few times before I had caught enough. John was laughing a different tune and gathering wood for a fire."

"And you had a feast of fish on the top of a mountain pass and thought you were in heaven."

"We already knew we were in heaven. But the story isn't over. There was one more fish to catch. I wanted just a couple more and went back to the stream to scare a few more fish into my trap and I got hooked on a fish a little bigger than the rest and stubborn like no fish I had ever met.

"It would not be moved. I poked around with my stick trying to make it swim up steam and it wouldn't. It wouldn't even retreat to the lake for safety. It dodged my stick but did not leave its place. It was plainly telling me that it would not be intimidated by the man with the stick. Well, I most lost my nut. I started talking to the fish and telling it who was in charge. No, the fish refused to listen to my madness and I was just about to give up on the fish for there were enough other fish, when I felt that my stick was under its belly. And without thinking, I flung the fish out of the water and when it finally came back down, it landed on the land.

"I killed it and we ate it and talked about it and I regretted killing it just a little, for it had tasted great, for the rest of the meal. The fish that showed me rebellion. And it changed my life. More than anything, the fish that challenged the fisher. That little rebellious bastard embedded a message into my head and any time I think that the enemy is too big to tackle, that little bastard is still in my head laughing."

"Is that true. Is that a true fish story."

Everyone looked at John.

"I can remember watching Jesus dueling with that fish like it was this morning. It was a thing to see."

"Good. For now you are the fish. And you may end up dead if anything goes wrong."

Though it seemed quite mad no matter how many times we talked about it, the plan was obvious. Weather I liked it or not. So I decided to like it. Even if it meant leaving my island of books and hanging on a cross for half a day.

The date was already set. Karl convinced us all of that detail.

"No one alive in Jerusalem has seen or knows what an eclipse is. And there is your holy day the day after, it is too good a chance to pass up."

I had ten years to get myself used to the idea of letting Roman soldiers drive nails through my hands. I understood the logic behind the drama. Still it was a mad thing to do. If I hadn't been convinced we would create the grand antivirus, I would have simply refused. For it was a mad idea to have nails driven through my hands and feet.

The part of the plan I least liked was John leaving the university after only one year, to prepare the people for the coming of me.

"I will come back often to visit, if you think I'm going to run around the desert every day for nine years without coming back to see you and your team of geniuses. Well my boy, nail me to the cross and send someone else."

"Someone else isn't from there, John. No one else commands the regard that you do."

After a few years, Fau Ming and I were the only two of our team that weren't living in Jerusalem. Hernstein and Ekstein took their priestly robes and went to work in the synagogue. Preparing the priests for the coming of me. Counter intelligence.

Karl set up modest public schools from Antioch to Judaea. Attempting to release just a little of the paranoid superstitions of the poor and working class. And teaching children how to read.

Goddard taught at a few private schools in Jerusalem.

Charus and Nimron planted and harvested cannabis and campaigned against alcohol. They ran a smoke house and distributed, among other things, my writings. I mostly sent stories for children. It was pointless to write anything more than children stories for few could comprehend even the simplest teachings.

Then the time came for Ming, Helene, our three children and I to return to what was not so much my home but my pathetic destiny.

I felt like a stranger. I had seen very little of my family since I started studying. Dad had sold his share of his other shops in Egypt. He was not wealthy like a real King of the Jews, but more wealthy than grandfather Jacob who had little of a king's life.

"Jesus, my love, I miss the Toscana already."

"Me too. But I don't miss my books. And that makes me quite pleased with myself."

"Don't promise yourself."

"I will write our story and stories about the kids' adventures in the hills and villages of Toscana. Or wherever else we may chose to live."

"Anywhere but here or Rome."

I hadn't talked to anyone other than the think team about hanging on a cross with nails through me. I didn't even explain it to Helene. And telling my mother seemed out of the question. But I told my brothers and sisters. I wanted their help. Moral support more than anything. Judas was so saddened. He didn't want me playing such a dangerous game. When I finally convinced him that someone had to do it and I was that someone, he told me he wouldn't leave my side until I was on a ship headed west.

After a 40 days visit to the dessert home of a friend with all the think team and some of my chosen local team, the first person to throw a wrench into our plan was the bugger Herod. John had offended him by giving him some advice about his sexual escapades. And Herod put John in jail. Charus wrote to Rome to ask for a release but such processes took months.

"Herod. What's wrong with the punk ass. John is no threat to him. It is purely a personal problem."

"He's a spoiled kid, Jesus. He's young and never been anywhere without a hundred guards. He has never set eyes on a poor man. And rumor has it that one of the few woman that excites him is his brother's wife."

"Brother's wife. Sister-in-law."

"Other rumor has it that he married his brother's wife because he desires her daughter who has just reached puberty and is said to be one of the most beautiful creatures of God's creation."

"I hate rumors. I want John out of prison. I'll go see that bugger Herod."

"I don't believe he will give you audience, Jesus. He will not recognize you as a brother. Rather a threat. Rome has promised to protect you as far as they can but Herod knows little of our theater. Herod knows his father liked John and he resents every compliment John received from him. If John hadn't been a bastard son, he might have had Herod's job. Herod is tired of hearing about the coming of the King of the Jews. He is in no position to like you even a little. It's the way it is, my friend. I'm sorry. We knew this wouldn't be easy. We aren't in the university anymore. We can't have you going anywhere near Herod. You are still too valuable alive."

"I know, Charus. I will restrain from taking an army to Herod and executing him."

"Good. That would not help our chances."

"I know I am supposed to be the King of Love, but I tell you there is a high probability that I kill that bastard if he doesn't release John."

"We have sent word to Rome. If he doesn't release John, Rome will relieve him of his position."

I didn't want John in jail for a day. Now that we were finally living in the same country, when we could finally see each other, he was in prison. Because Herod was a full grown idiot.

John had done his Job well. He had called himself John the Baptist and played the role of Eliah to help check off the list of the stuff we had to get done to get Jerusalem seriously infected.

Infected so that one day no one would believe in the horror story God of our forefathers or any of the forefathers of the Gentiles.

"Charus, I can't stop thinking that this is completely absurd. No one has ever pulled off such a double con like this before."

"That's why it is going to work, my dear Jesus."

jesus christ chapter 10

I was caught up in my own traveling show. I didn't need a script or to even think on the script. I had seven angels who all knew the script, and every event was played out by us as if we were born for the show. We were all a little surprised to see how fast everyone within a few hundred kilometers of Jerusalem were talking about the King of the Jews coming to deliver his people. The messiah, which if one bends the holy scriptures enough, was certain to come.

Like they always do when one Empire takes over the next. Public opinion manipulation. Keep the peasants hoping their life of poverty will soon be over. Almost always a scam.

Sometimes all I wanted to do was vomit.

"You make me sick, all of you. The Priests and Lawyers and Royalty. The most. For you have access to real wisdom and disregard it for the propagation of the worship of death so that you can enslave the many to create a volatile and ugly bloody luxury. You make religion for the peasants you have beaten to be your slaves. You promise heaven upon death. You are evil lying buggers. And you dim witted believers. Wake up. Heaven is at hand. Reach out and take it. Rebel against the tyrannical dictators. They have the swords but we have the numbers."

"Amen."

"Jesus Christ, someone is coming through the roof."

"Oh, bloody hell, we just repaired that last sabbath."

"That's not in the script, Jesus."

"Just some improvising. Keep the snakes on their toes."

Charus poked me in the ribs to get me to focus.

"Man, you have been forgiven all your sins. Throw the yoke of your ancestors off and stand up and walk like a creature that knows it is alive and living on a planet full of other creatures. Don't give your money to the synagogue. Buy a child a book and learn to read with that child.

"Why do you wait for someone to tell you how to think and what to do. Do you actually believe that the snakes of the synagogues that dress in priest's clothing know the secrets of God.

"There is no secret to God. Life is God. It is neither he nor she. It has made us and with out it we would not be. We must love life and embrace it."

"Blasphemy."

"Where. Your title is blasphemy; you well dressed frauds. Priests of the holy book of lies. Your words are not holy and the God of Abram, Isaac and Moses is a God of war propaganda. We are not the center of the universe and we are likely not the only life. Of the universe.

"What we are is a life that knows that we are alive. Conscious beings. Animals awake. If we only open our eyes and see. Embrace our living language. Expand our mind. Get out of the gutter of belief. We are not sinners. We are animals that can be beautiful and brutal. It is for us to choose. To know and understand how our actions affect our survival chances. We have been blinded by the empty promises and threats of the blind leaders. The greedy blood sucker slugs of hell.

"Do not believe a story written to honour the tyrants of our forefathers. It has made us into various classes of slaves. We will tear down the temples if it takes us 2 thousand years.

"Life is here and now. There is no death cult god worthy of our belief.

"Read the wisdom of David in Ecclesiastes. After years of murdering and plundering in grand fashion. Collecting the wealth and wisdom from as far as his armies could march.

"Nothing much compared to the devastation of Rome.

"He came to the same sane conclusion that every man and woman will come to when they have eaten from the tree of knowledge and found life here on Earth.

"Eat together with your friends and enjoy today. And tomorrow make it your objective to notice it is you. And the world is reacting to your actions.

"And like no other creature. On the way to Freedom of Choice. We are the creatures that can make grand decisions and by working together execute our plans. And we can and will create new worlds and explore the heavens. It is ours and we are its. We will be what we will be when we take the chance to let go of the hell we know and embrace the heaven that we don't yet know."

"Hey, Jesus, I saw you and your 12 body guards picking corn to eat on the Sabbath."

"So the fuck what."

"So it's against the laws of Moses, that's what."

"Who the hell is Moses. Do you believe that because it was written in a book that he was the only man that could talk to God that it is so. Do you believe for a moment that he, or the writers of the genocide horror story, had our best interests in mind when they wrote down absurd random rules to make everyone sinners. Before the book of rules there were no sinners. It is a mad theater that has been bashed into our minds through the most violent means. Your book is a hoax and your God is a lie. A gross misconduct. A game not worthy of sheep and you parade around like you know the answers to the universe. You, we, know next to nothing compared to what there is to know. A thousand generations cannot know all there is to know. And if we want to survive into the distant future and if we want to protect the rest of the life that hasn't been given the gift of understanding, we need to keep learning and teaching and recording our knowledge and teaching and learning till the end of the universe. Do not think for a minute that you can define God or nail it down to a meaning. You are mad if you think your knowledge is any more than infantile. Shame on you for leading the less fortunate into the ditch. You punishment will be all the worse."

"We'll get you on Blasphemy."

"I don't fucking doubt it, you lying thieving slugs of hell. I'm the angry messiah that has come to rip the luxury lie from out under your snake feet. I guess you would have to call me on something wouldn't you. To protect your luxury built on murder, plunder and lies."

"You didn't have to come back here with your Gentile philosophy claiming to be our messiah. We can get along without your unholy raging."

"Well, you can bet your hairy asses the last thing I wanted to be was messiah for the thick skulled, Moses I understand your frustration, Jews. It is like someone has put a glass cage around your heads. You hear only the sounds of your own speaking in strange tongues. Continually regurgitating the laws of Moses like an autistic child beating on his bloody penis and refusing to let in the rest of the world."

They wanted to hang me up in my own home but they knew Rome was supporting me. They knew half the court of Herod was assisting our campaign. But most of all, they knew less money was coming into the synagogues. And that Rome had no intention to pay respect to their bloody religion.

And worst of all. They knew their religion was a lie and understood the absurdity of my fulfilling of their religion's prophecies with cheap tricks. Abusing openly the retarded religion of my thick skulled ancestors. That made me a real bastard. I was the anti-jew. The messiah they did not want to come. The man they were certain would never exist.

The priests were fuming and marched back to the synagogue. We marched right back with them.

"Thirty years tormenting my brain wondering about your children's horror story made holy. I'll give you three back. Watch how your slaves wake up around you to tear down your bloody theater to build a new theater. Your lie is against the very nature of nature and you will be run over by it. Your days are numbered you slugs of hell."

The priests and lawyers chanted prayers to drown out my words. But the slaves listened. The sheep were getting tired of being sheep.

I told them in a rhetoric they could understand while I held up the crippled hand of Karl. We were both quite ecstatic. Blasphemy made me shine like the sun. The animals smiled at me and through me. The birds sang thanks to my efforts and I laughed back at them. The crowd was charmed by my outrage and I was charmed by their new hope. We were the sleepy animals starting to play with ideas. Something crowds rarely got to do under the rule of dictators.

It drove the priests crazy having to play the role of the jackasses. The evil slugs of hell. The bile that clung to our feet after rising up from the slim of life to embrace eternity.

But they had asked for it. Making the laws of Moses into a religion. Proclaiming God to be ruler of the after life. Death. Death Cult. Owning the wealth of the planet that was not theirs to own. Excluding the rest of life with an inconsistent lie propagated with violence. Police state terror.

"Who in heaven do you think you are to forbid the doing of good on the Sabbath. Sabbath bloody Sabbath. Your place next to the kings will go the way of the kings. Into extinction.

"Stretch out your hand, stranger."

All were amazed. Even those who knew Karl. The healing was not the show, it was but a comic relief to the grand blasphemy that no one had dared speak so openly. It was all a little too real.

"Our descendants will one day live in a world without worship. When slavery and hunger is wiped from paradise and our descendants can live in freedom from fear of one another.

"By tearing down the temples of lies, we can make the way clear for our descendents, then they will be the gods and we will be remembered as the first animals that dared to be true gods."

The protocol was clear. Everyone understood it somewhat differently. But the priests knew they were being played and knew they would have to follow protocol. It had already been written and sealed. Their world's end was near. The new world was being born. And they could not stop it. They would have me nailed to the cross and it would be their inevitable end.

jesus christ chapter 11

"Jesus. Let us go one more time to Abyssinia before you drive yourself mad."

"I can't, Helene. My work is here."

"No, Jesus. You must. You need to come down from the stage and spend some time with me and the children. There is enough time. Let the people here miss you for a while. Write a little of your story. Let the children in Abyssinia fill you up again. Put the shine back in your eyes."

I didn't fight the idea for long. The priests were itching to kill me and there wasn't so much more I had to achieve. The last thing anyone needed was for the next religious symbol to die before they crucified me. And there was no point in me parading around being bitter. My job was not only to expose the tyrants and the cruelty of the old system and the new system that was stamping it into the dust, it was to also show the way to a better system.

So we packed up and took the long journey south with Joanna and Fau and the children. The rest of the crew stayed and taught the good news that the end of tyranny was near, they didn't all know near meant 2,000 years.

We traveled south to Be'er Sheva than east along the long dusty road to Idan where we hired a riverboat to take us down to Eilat where we boarded a bigger boat that took us down to Sharm-el-Sheikh. There we boarded a small ship that took us down the Red Sea to the small port of Mirtsiwa. They remembered us there. And gave us a guide that took us to the Kebessa Plateau to the city of Addis Ababa where we stayed at the home of David. Many of the people spoke a language none of us understood but David spoke Arabic and could translate for us.

We spent our days wandering with the sheep and hiding in the shade of the trees. We camped for many days at the river and ate many fish and baked bread in a pan over the fire.

I felt like the luckiest man in the world being the only man among three women and seven children. It was how I wanted to live the rest of my life when I got down from the cross. Not that I could not enjoy a few moments with men. Talking of some important issue that had important ramifications for irrelevant men with make believe titles. Women managed to focus on local events in the present and remind me that being among them was heaven enough and children always managed to make me forget that the enemy was real. And remind me that the world was a grand event. Children I had never met before would look to get my attention. Just to smile and show that they could see me. For me to know that I was there among them. Remind me that after I died I would be reborn as a child with no care other than the immediate necessities of life.

"You are already shining."

"It's the children. They seem to know what I'm doing more than I do."

"Maybe they do."

"I want so much that the children of our children's children remember that their father wanted to be a little better than his ancestors at living life so that his descendents may one day understand how to do it. I would so love to believe that one day we will overcome the rule of tyrants and religion will no longer be taught to children. That the children can show their parents what they are and where they are. There is magic, Helene. We have been robed of something much more beautiful than we can yet perceive. I can't put a definition to it. Holy Spirit, perhaps. The tethered angel that is in us. We have yet to begin to see the potential in us and the rest of life."

"I believe you, Jesus. And one day our children's children will rise up against the religious leaders who use your name, and he or she will know you."

I did absolutely no writing and no studying and very little talking the whole trip. On the journey I always had the children wanting my attention all day and I was always glad of it. Honoured to be one of them. And in the evening, the women wanted my attention. And I was glad of that too. In Abyssinia we often had local children telling us stories in their local tongue.

All too soon our time was spent and we had returned to Israel.

On the road north from Be'er Sheva we camped and watched the sky. Helene and I sat by the fire a long time and said nothing. I laid my head on her lap and watch the moonless sky. The voices of the children talking themselves to sleep rattled softly behind us. Everyone else was silent, either sleeping or watching the sky. The sky that defied anyone to imagine the end of it.

"I'm not going to die on the cross, Helene."

"It is a crazy game you play, Jesus."

"I have thought so a long time. But it is the right time to try to influence the Empire. They are a reckless lot. We have spent many years working on the most probable way to secure an antivirus in the grand state of tyranny and we are all certain that now is the time for a new religion. Something that may very well outlast the glory of the clowns who run the theater."

"And the religious icon shall be that of a man that despises religion and tyranny."

"That's the beautiful paradox of it. The paradox that will eventually fold in on itself and free the animal in us once again."

"To free the women and children."

"Yes, my love, to put an end to the war against the women and children. And the fish of the sea."

It was hard for me to image being me. I was playing a role and the role was bigger than the man that really wanted nothing more than to lay under the stars with friends and family. Imagining a world where tyrant rule was found only in storybooks.

Helene and I didn't make it to our tent. We woke up beside the dead fire with the sound of birds and insects and children.

And though I still had trouble believing it was me that had to find his way to the cross to start the long decent down from the cross, I accepted that I had been given the job and the opportunity to do something in the long war against war.

jesus christ chapter 12

I finally settled down a little and made 12 of my brothers and cousins my official disciples. They all loved me and they tried to believe in me. They did believe I believed I knew what I was doing and they believed that my think team believed it had to be done.

They weren't really prepared for the reality of the theater. Even I, after so long running from it, was very Jewish. I admired my Jewish part of me as much as I did in my family. Even if we were bloody wrong. They didn't make it easy for us. Our leaders or those they chose to be our enemies. It is a tragedy to have to come from such horrific history. But all is not war and only war has found its way to paper.

The language we have is a beautiful thing. It grows in us and we grow with it. We have been great crusaders for the word. The spoken, the sung and written word.

We have chosen, however, the wrong book to worship. We should rather hold our language in reverence and feed it with truths. No more harnessing our holy spirit on our road to the kingdom of the Gods by nailing down our words. Any words. Words from different lands and generations. It will always be a fatal mistake to even pretend to be the priests of the answer.

It is too soon to form a question. We haven't learned enough how to perceive to begin to approach any conclusions.

Become as us. Children before the library of life.

"You almost ready, Jesus. There are 4,000 women out here waiting for you."

"With their kids."

"Every man woman and child from 20 kilometers around."

"This is out of control, Peter."

"That's how you want it, brother. Just get out here and let them have it."

I told them stories for most of my talk. They were beautiful people but it was foolish to think I could talk to them like I would to people who had spent years learning and reading great works from many lands.

And as much as I was a Jew, it was not my roll to make them believe in language, they still didn't believe in life. Even though they were standing in it.

The casting out evil spirit trick was a big hit and we used if often. It was such a fine line that it wasn't all our stage management. Some crazed strangers allowed that we bring them down to the present. Heaven was only partly hidden behind the vale of belief in a horror God and obedience to tyrannical law.

I could see people changing their minds when they saw me. They could see me. They knew I could see them. Though it seemed so obvious. It also seemed like it was something very new.

Something was coming through. Through us. It was nothing more than us. But in another way, it was all of us. And we were making a thing work that had never before worked in the kingdom of man.

"We've landed in heaven and don't know how we got here and why we have to die again.

"I say we die so that our children can see heaven clearer. And their children will see it clearer. And our children's children will be us and we will see it clearer."

"What's with being born again. Do we have to do this all again. What madness do you proclaim."

"He talks only, professor Jesus Christ the servant of Beelzebub. He serves the evil one."

"Jesus, what do you have to say to that. Do you cast out demons under the authority of Beelzebub."

"You people are so retarded. There is no Beelzebub. Beelzebub is a story. A character that was a god for a nation destroyed by a succeeding nation. And every nation that destroys a nation turns their gods into demons. Turns their stories of greatness into fables of wretchedness. And when we ride into Jerusalem to tear down the temple of lies and scream to the people: 'You are the gods. The illusion of the one true God is a fading madness. Let us have heaven now.' They will make another one true God. And good luck to you. You stiff necked lot of ancestor worshippers. Getting out of your rut of slavery of mind and body to the few mad men who have always found a way to turn every truth into a lie and every hope into a doubt. They are but wicked monkeys playing a wicked game for no other reason than the rest of the monkeys are too bloody stupid to say no. We will not believe you."

"What."

"Oh, for Christ sake, the priests and lawyers are the slugs of hell. Of course there is no real hell. It is a state of mind. They are the opportunist whores of the warlords. It is the warlords that play the grand game of kill and plunder for wealth. It is a brutal game for tyrants and idiot slaves who enjoy the game of raping the enemy and killing their children. They scare us into a hell on earth when we could just as easily have a heaven on earth. They promise you a heaven when you die but it is a bald face lie. They have stolen the heaven from the now. Locked it away in their castles. Blinded you from eternity. Put a big fence around the tree of knowledge and the tree of life. The enemy is no longer the tribe on the other side of the river. The enemy is behind the castle walls and in the houses of the holy."

"Isn't that Blasphemy."

"Blasphemy, who defines blasphemy."

"The priests."

"The whores of the warlords. And they define blasphemy as anything spoken against them. For they have told us that the one true God has given them dominion over all. That the few who are chosen shall enslave all the rest of life to feed their insatiable hunger for the luxury of gold and the taste of rivers of blood.

"I tell you, you have been fools. Bumbling suckers. Frightened by a theater of lies. God, the one true God is the big fat lie. The big ugly terror against all who believe. Throw off your yoke of belief and demand that the wealth be distributed among all the lands so that all can live without fear of his brother. Or her sister.

"Tear down the pyramids and temples and castles and build a new world of paradise with gardens and forests and jungles. The city of Zion is the promise of hell for all but a very few. And if you are not already in that very few, you will not get in."

Peter and Judas dragged me off the stage and splashed some water over my head.

"Jesus, you are on fire."

"You ain't seen nothing yet."

"But enough for today. You have to have some for tomorrow."

"Feed them some bread and fish. They must eat."

They put me under a tree and allowed only my children and their friends to visit with me. The children told me stories and I shut my eyes and listened to the crowd singing and thanking the Lord for their food somewhere in the background. I had to laugh. The Lord they were giving thanks to was the Lord Herod, son of my father. He was not happy about being my half brother and even less happy about supporting the campaign to create a new Roman religion. And though we never met, it was one thing we were certain to agree on.

"Jesus, can we have a moment of your time."

I looked up and saw some elders of the synagogue. I recognized them as friends of the family from my childhood.

"You may sit with us and drink. Do you know my daughter, Judith."

"Hi Judith."

Judith didn't say anything. She sat on my lap and watched the elders of the synagogue. James and John came and wanted to send them away but I told them to leave us.

"You know, Jesus, that we have no choice but to charge you with blasphemy."

"So as it has been written."

We talked for some time. They explained what was expected of them as religious leaders and I explained what was expected of me as a voice of the beasts, the women and children and we talked of other things and eventually Judith told them the story of a man that came into the world that had fallen asleep in a waking dream and warned them that the world was about to start and if they didn't wake up they would miss it.

When Judith got up to play with the other children we agreed upon my execution. How and when would be best.

"So shall it be done."

jesus christ chapter 13

Peter played a few beautiful songs on his trumpet as the crowd made itself comfortable on the hill. When they were attentive and waiting for my words, I stood up and told them an analogy about a woman that sowed seeds everywhere she went. Some fell on rock and didn't take root, some amongst thorn bushes and were chocked out at the roots, some fell on arid land so that the young plants were dried up by the sun.

"My words are not my words. They are everyone's words and my friends and I have had the luck of being born curious, like free animals, and we have been lucky enough to live in relative freedom. Our families could afford to send us to schools and later universities. I spent most of my years studying the religion of our forefathers. The religions Rome has collected and the beliefs from the west and the east. My friends have studied the history of the earth and the heavens. They have studied great thinkers and writers of far away lands.

"The University of Rome has gathered together great minds from around the known world and we have all come to the same conclusion. People from all over will believe any religious creed sold them as long as those who don't believe are tortured and brutally and publicly executed.

"But these are laws and creeds of men, written by men for the men of the ruling class. Laws and creeds propagated by men in holy dress and metal swords. Their laws and creeds are most always fantastic lies.

"Any of their noble commandments are all bloody obvious. Anyone can figure out do not murder. Anyone could if he weren't always a soldier fighting his neighbors in the name of some holy creed.

"I have come to you sowing the word of hope. Put it in your language so we will never forget. So that in 2,000 years they can read about a time and a place where the seed took root and we started to believe in us.

"Let me tell you a story of when I was a young man. I was going to Cairo to study and before I went, my father Joseph."

I waited for a few people to laugh.

"Took me to see my Grandparents. Grampa Jacob was one of my favorite grand parents as a child. He understood me and I understood him. We sometimes did math problems together. Things young adults in university were taught.

"Dad suspected I was a clever boy so wasn't too surprised that Grampa Jacob and I liked working on theoretical problems together like it was a game.

"The Torah was the ultimate question for me. But I've told that story often enough. So let me tell a story of one of my last father and son walks.

"Dad and I were walking on the beach having a conversation about our part in life when I mentioned I had a sore on my lip and if I had the herbal salve my friend often had, for he never took care of himself and often had sores on his lip, the sore would go away before it broke open and became painfully annoying.

"About 40 steps after my not so accurate description, I saw a small jar of the salve on a rock.

'There it is.'

"Well, I didn't stop to think and my dad watched as I skimmed the top layer of the salve off and wipe it on a rock, then I took a fresh bit and put a little on the corner of my lip.

'What's the chances of that.'

'I don't know. But I'm glad it was sitting there.'

"When we got back to the house my father told Grandpa Jacob about what had happened.

"Grandpa Jacob smiled. 'And you still don't believe in the God of our Fathers.'

"I knew the connection but was not convinced. 'No. I can't believe.'

"Well, my Grandfather smiled like he is now as I tell the story. He smiled like he knew then that though my road was not short, I would travel the one set down for me.

"And I always remember this smile. Then I thought he might have thought to himself, he will find God.

"I didn't find the God of Moses. I found the god, or the angel, in me. It was the events of life that forced me to see it. Every time I attempted to run in a different direction, life beat at me until I returned to being true to my own heart. Following the voice that so much tries to guide us all.

"And that's where I found God. God wasn't a scary monster that killed the enemy and our own bad people. God was right inside of me. Like it is for all of us. Everyone with a god, or call it an angel, in the very nature of what he or she is.

"This my dear friends is the secret to the kingdom of God. Each and every one of us has God in us. It is our will. And with our obedience to our own true will we will be real gods.

"It won't be today that we are truly conscious gods.

"Today we are angels. And we are young angels. But we are also as old as the universe and I'm going to get a friend of mine up here to explain how long the road behind us already is. Some of you may remember he had a crippled hand in the synagogue."

Some people laughed while they applauded Karl.

No one asked where he came from. They watched his every move and hung on his every word. They were stunned to hear the Earth was neither flat nor the center of the universe. They found it hard to imagine that the Earth was but a small part of the universe and that every star was like our own sun. Some much bigger. Some much older. Some just being born. Some with planets around them. Some without. And the number of stars was such a number that it would take many years to even estimate what that number might be.

They were just as stunned when Ekstein came out of the crowd and started talking mathematics to explain that the stars were evidence that the universe was much older than the start of man's writing. That there was a time before man and that that time was much longer than the time of man and the time of man was much longer than the remembered stories of man.

"Just a little dose of the truth will tear you from your shackles and set your mind free. When your mind is free, the universe is yours."

I went up to close out the meeting and I heard my stomach rumble.

"We have had much food for thought. But we can't live with thought alone. Let us eat together. Talk amongst yourselves. Feast on life."

"Jesus, how do we eat."

"Our Lord with provide for us."

The Roman soldiers could be seen approaching the gathering. Many were frightened until they saw that the soldiers were bringing wagonloads of bread and salted fish.

"We give thanks to the Lord."

"He told us to tell you he is looking forward to nailing you to a cross."

"I can believe it."

"Yes. He said, tell that Jesus bastard brother of mine I am counting the days till I sentence him to crucifixion."

"Send him my love."

"Will do."

jesus christ chapter 14

Life was full of strange events. My disciples and I were coming back from a long road trip where things had happened that we had trouble believing.

We were coming back over a lonely pass and came upon a madman in the mountains screaming all the time at pig herders. We had been warned of him in the last town we had stayed.

"Take your pigs off the mountain. The mountains are for goats. Pigs are our brothers and should roam free on the flat lands."

"This is not a Jewish mountain and if we want to raise mountain pigs it is our business."

The madman had heard of the King of the Jews and knew who I was when we walked down the mountain and wanted to pass him and the two pig herders with about 20 skinny sick looking mountain pigs.

"Jesus Christ."

"I'm right here, Man. No need to scream. We can understand you better when you talk quietly."

"Oh. No one ever told me that before. Are you proposing that if I talk like a reasonable man that I can also better reason with these pig herders."

"I can't promise. At least not about pig herders in the mountain. It smells to me like some kind of weird cult. But in most cases it is better to retain one's urge to lash out at others in one's surroundings if one wishes others in his surroundings to commune with him. So that instead of fighting against those who cross your path in life, you may embrace them in conversation."

"I like you, Jesus. You sound like a sensible man."

"You have a good spirit, my friend. I can see it. You must learn to know the real enemy. And fight with love and words of insight and wisdom. It sounds crazy, I know. But it has been tested and works always better than hateful screaming and random curses."

Well, as if to prove me wrong, the pigs went crazy. For a moment we thought they were all possessed. Absurd as it was, they scared the Jesus out of us with their panic screeching. Then the craziness was made clear. A black cat the size of a baby camel ran past us so close that I felt its fur on my face.

Unfortunately, the pig herders didn't even see the black cat. They only saw the scattering pigs. The herders, being the superstitious inbred creatures mountain family tribes often were, ran away thinking the pigs were mad from the demons we had cast out of the mountain man.

We watched the black cat run away slowly with a mountain pig in its jaws. And we witnessed the rest of the pigs breaking their legs trying to run down the mountain. Screeching like the voice of hell as their flesh ripped on rocks.

"Well, that is the strangest thing I saw today."

We all looked at Peter than broke out laughing. It was a laugh of relief. The cat could have killed anyone of us and during the whole event we just stood and watched.

We laughed until the mountain pig herders came back with all their brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts, who looked to be often the same person. One big dumb face chewing out the same grunting sounds.

"Do you understand them, Mountain Bob."

"No, Man. I've lived here 40 years and when they go off in their tribal chants they make only one thing clear."

"What's that."

"Anywhere else is a better place to be."

"Do you know another way down this mountain."

"Where do you want to go."

"Back to Galilee."

"Galilee. I have an uncle there. I will show you the most beautiful way to Galilee."

And he did. Mountain Bob took us to a beautiful lake where we camped and we caught many fish. We made bread from the flour we had bought in a village we had come to pass through.

We all knew and didn't need to say:

'The kingdom of heaven is here with us tonight under this big black sky.'

Because we knew it. And we were it. And anyone who could see saw that we were it.

And it came to pass that the next day Mountain Bob escorted us back to Galilee. There awaited a crowd.

"Jesus, where have you been. We thought you had been eaten by possessed mountain pigs. My child has died from mourning."

"I'm certain she is just sleeping. She often does when she is pregnant."

"Come and breathe some life into her, dear Jesus."

"I will. I'm on my way now."

Through the crowds. We no longer staged healings. The theater was catching on. Anyone looking for a little attention came up to me and touched me.

Many children, many women. Some old men.

"Heal me, Jesus."

"Okay. Little boy, what's your name and what's the trouble."

"Barnie and I got a monster that sleeps in my head all day and climbs out and sleeps under my bed when it gets dark."

"Oh, I know that monster. I have one just like him. I thought if my foot went over the edge of the bed he would eat it. Is your monster like that."

"Yah."

"You know what I did to find out if he really would eat my foot or if he was just teasing me."

"No, Jesus. What did you do."

"I waited till my little sister was asleep and I pushed her foot out over the bed and watched until I fell asleep with my head on my sister's bare bum."

"And did the monster eat her foot."

"No. But he tickled her toes and made her laugh and she farted right in my ear and I fell out of bed and the monster laughed at me. So I laughed at him and he jumped right back in my head and he is one of my best friends."

"I'm going to do that with my sister."

"Do that Barnie. And don't forget to laugh at your monster. That's what monsters like most."

"And tickling my sister's feet."

I put him down and picked up the next kid.

"Jesus, stop with the kids, the man's child is dead."

"She's not a child. And she is sleeping. And after a trip to the lake she will feel better."

We eventually satisfied the crowd, healing all those who suffered from diseases of the mind. A great number of diseases were of the mind and were quick to remedy with just a little love and attention. And that was what my father-in-laws child needed.

jesus christ chapter 15

Charus had been shocked at the lack of medical knowledge and application in our campaign territory. With money and support from Rome he taught basic herbal medicine and set up little clinics in many of the villages.

He made us carry olive oil to rub on people with dry skin. Tell them to stay out of the hot noon sun and drink lots of water.

Quite simple but many didn't know and any kindness we gave them really was enough to make them feel whole again. It made us really believe in our campaign and had Karl not talked about the heavens so much I might have forgotten that my time was coming and I had ignored the priests and the synagogue for so long I had forgotten my job of insulting them.

"It is insult enough to show how little effort it takes to change the lives of the poor."

"To make them strong enough to use as an army against them."

"And it will be the most arrogant of all armies for it will march with no weapons of murder but the weapon of understanding. We will simply no longer believe them. Like in tribes before our forefathers. Ignore the mad men until they fade away. The slowest and most patient torture that allows the new soldier to love his enemy and be patient with their ignorance."

"Can't we just blow up the temple."

"I love you, Fau."

"But no explosives."

"Not yet."

But it was time to talk about it. The campaign had been started many years ago. I had been wandering with my disciples fulfilling more of my forefather's prophecy then we had planned.

Now I had to prepare for my death.

After our grand parade and modest attack on the synagogue, I took James and Peter up on a hill to meet with Charus and Arbard. They were all hung over from the all night party.

"You two sit here and chill and keep a watch for any hoard of Jews with pitchforks and torches walking through the night like lost sheep. Keep the fire going so they can find us."

"Really."

"Yes, really, this is it boys. Tonight's the night."

"Oh, Jesus. Did you really send Judas to bring the priests."

"Peter, you must drink less, listen to what I tell you. But most important. You are a brilliant trumpet player and the world needs a little beauty."

"I hear ya, Jesus."

"I don't know if you do. But you will."

"I love you, Brother."

"You too, Brother."

Ekstein had a new robe for me, white, like they were in the east.

"You have to make a good impression, Jesus Christ, King of the Jews."

"Have we solved the Herod problem."

"You will be taken to Pilate. He is actually looking forward to seeing you."

"That's cool. Maybe we'll have time for a dinner tonight if Judas would get his lazy ass here."

"I see their torches."

"Okay, you better go. I'll see you tonight. Tell Pilate I'd rather not eat pork. It's a family superstition thing but I don't care."

"Be a Jew, Man. It's us that need healing most."

"Okay, Ekstein. You've been great."

"Good luck, Jesus. Be Gentile too."

"It's not luck that I am counting on, my friend."

They left and I returned to my two brothers. And for a moment I lost my cool. Peter and James had let the fire go out.

"Jesus, we saw you with Moses and Eliah."

"What. Are you drunk. Can't you keep the bloody fire burning. How the hell is Judas going to find us."

"Sorry, Man."

I helped them get the fire going and we talked about the big parade we had made the day before. People throwing their robs down, jumping up and pretending to be healed and finding it funny and finding funny they were healed from so many of their ailments that we were so unbelievably high when we went into Jerusalem and laid in on the synagogue. Kicking over tables, calling the priests a hoard of thieving, lying snakes.

We were still laughing when Judas finally showed up.

"I'm glad to see you are having a good time while we wander through the wilderness looking for you to have you crucified."

"Well, my dear brother, all the more reason that I should enjoy my last day with a couple of my brothers."

"Last day, my ass. If you bullshitted me I'll track you down in your next life and beat you silly."

"Kiss me, Judas."

"Okay, Teacher. Brother."

And it came to pass that I was escorted to my incarceration. They paraded me inside the great Jewish city carrying torches and pitchforks. And the gloating priests handed me over to the Roman guards who took me to a cell and locked me up.

They assured the priests that I would be safe there till morning. And when the Priests had left, Pilate came to take me to a small dinner party he had arranged for the King of the Jews.

They roasted me before the food was served, giving me a crown of flowers and a purple robe. Mocking my appearance in the synagogue. They couldn't get enough of it. Then they insisted I lead them in a few rebel songs.

And we all sang:

I was raised by the church like King David was.

When I asked why we believe, well just because.

I tried to see the picture but it was only fuss.

Thank Christ I'm an atheist.

He stood before the priests and said you are the snakes.

You base your laws on plunder and rape.

Your God's a lie and your book's a fake.

Thank Christ I'm an atheist.

Ab was a pimp, Jacob sniffed glue.

Moses' dad was his granddad too.

The bastard still swings his rod at you.

Thank Christ I'm an atheist.

The lawyers and priests knew they were at a loss.

So they nailed sweet Jesus unto the cross.

I'll be back again and you'll pay the cost.

Thank Christ I'm an atheist.

We bought the lie what they sold us then.

But enough's enough and this is when.

We drop the holy bloody lie and.

Thank Christ I'm an atheist.

Ab was a pimp, Jacob sniffed glue.

Moses' dad was his granddad too.

The bastard still swings his rod at you.

Thank Christ I'm an atheist.

The Roman guards were crying trying to hold back their laughter and Pilate danced on the table. It was the funniest party I had ever attended.

"Jesus, you've got balls. I'm happy to be the man to let the Jews tell me to crucify you. The silly buggers."

"You have no idea how much you will piss off Lord Herod."

"Oh, Jesus, you are so wrong. And I revel in the thought."

He laughed and laughed and we mocked our own show. And we laughed over the religions that sprung up from the craziest stories.

"Promise me, Jesus, you will not speak a word of what happened here tonight. Or I'll have you whipped."

Pilate laughed again.

"No. I can't promise. But I can give you my word that I won't speak of it before I am out of this city of madness."

"With holes in your hands and feet."

Pilate could take no more. He gave me a hug and left to go to bed. We heard him laughing all the way down the hallway. And I stood there wondering what the hell was happening to me.

jesus christ chapter 16

"Jesus Christ, king of the Jews and Gentiles, wake up. It's time to get crucified."

Two Roman officers pushed open the door to my cell. Charus and Ekstein.

"Bloody ass dung. Is it already morning."

"Jesus, come on, get up, the crowd is waiting and I have made a brilliant discovery."

"We don't need to use nails."

"Yes, we have to use nails, they are sitting now in alcohol and they are beautifully made."

"You can have them when I'm done with them."

"I will take them and the cross to Rome."

"What's your discovery."

I bent down to pat the prison cat that had slept the night at my feet.

"Thanks for you support, Buddie."

She purred.

"I was sitting outside the temple early this morning, getting used to this silly costume, watching little boys play a game. They had brought bread for the pigeons and stood back under a tree and threw stones at the pigeons.

"And it struck me.

"Just wing it.

"They were playing a game. Throwing stones at pigeons."

"Charus, I'm about to be sentenced."

"The crowd is having fun chanting your name, just listen, it is the most amazing thing. I see how life works."

"Explain."

"The boys were practicing hunting skills. No longer needed. Instinctive hunting skills. They didn't stop to calculate their chances of hitting a pigeon, they just winged it. They picked up stones and threw them with such accuracy that I could see our forefathers before the time of weapons. We picked up stones. Many of us. The stronger of us, bigger stones, maybe even sharpened.

"And we threw them at any animal that came close to us or we came close to. I've seen children in small villages in Africa. Jesus, they were the same boys in different skin."

"That sounds all very clever. But does it mean anything."

"We are evolving, my friend. Like you so often said. We have just begun. I can see it. I know it. One day people will find us tedious."

"That's a good thing, is it."

"That's the most beautiful thing to know."

"So if you're right, some kid is going to be more clever than you. Another more brilliant than Arbard."

"And half a dozen will think like you. And better. More. Children will have your knowledge and wisdom. They will think and do things we can't imagine."

"I love you, Charus."

"You ready."

"As I'll every be."

Ekstein told the trumpet players to play Pilate's intro march. Pilate came in looking mildly amused. And a little hung over.

"So, what do we have today."

"This man claims to be Jesus Christ, the King of the Jews and he is here to bomb the temple. He claims to be the Son of God."

"Son of a Lord, but never mind."

Pilate turned to me and tried not to show his smile.

"So you are Jesus Christ, the king of the Jews."

"It's me."

The priests listed off 603 incidences of public blasphemy and 467 in the synagogue blasphemes.

"What's blasphemy again. Do we have a law for that."

"It's rather vague, My Lord. He hasn't really broken any Roman laws. We could whip the priests for taking up our time with this but there is the crowd to consider. It would be easier to appease them than to have the half of them crucified."

"Is that the same crowd that cheered the King of the Jews just yesterday."

"Most of them are employees of the synagogue."

"We'll have to tear that place down one day soon. This Judaism is a rather tedious basket of gibberish."

"Crucify him. Crucify him. Crucify him."

I looked at Pilate and nodded. I had told him over and over it was necessary to stick to the script. That it was the surest way to a new Roman religion.

"Well, it's your show today. You want to have him whipped and hung on a cross. I can do that. My soldiers will be happy to nailed him to a cross if it will make you priests happy."

So the bugger had me whipped like any other criminal. Whipped on stage so everyone could see and know the penalty for blasphemy against a religion of an invaded land. A paradoxical hoax.

"Flogging sheep dung."

"Take up your cross and go. King of the Jews."

So I did.

jesus christ chapter 17

From the time they drove the nails into me till the eclipse felt like an eternity. The pain of the first nail going through my hand chilled my whole body. It felt like I had been ripped into life from the other side and my hand didn't want to pull through. Then it burnt like hell when it finally did until the next nail tour through my other hand. Then the pain found a strange blissful balance just about the time they drove a nail through my feet.

I let out a scream that made everyone jump.

Then I opened my eyes and seemed to see for the first time. I saw only angels. Even the priests who wanted to see me die, who thought their wish had finally come true.

"I forgive you."

I said it to everyone. It was my show. I had agreed to it when I was a child. Some people are made to catch fish some to grow wheat. I was made to expose a paradox by becoming a paradox that eventually would implode and crumble.

I held that thought an eternity. Until finally the moon was approaching the Sun. Karl smiled up at me and held Ming's medicine to my nose.

I took a deep breath and someone yelled wait.

They told me to come down from the cross. The priests were taunting me. I smiled. Thirty years, three years, three hours. We had almost reached the bridge. One day the Jews and Gentiles would be one.

The moon covered the Sun and small explosions went off all around Jerusalem. It felt like an earthquake.

I screamed in Chinese, Greek, Hebrew and Latin.

"Get me down off this bloody cross."

About seven people of the 60 people who had stayed till the end might have understood what I said. It was the last of what I said. Whatever the stuff was that Ming had made up, it worked. I felt Charus poke me in the ribs with the end of his sword.

"He's dead."

It seemed like another eternity until they ran to Pilate to get permission to take my body. Much to the priest's dismay, permission was granted. It had been granted by Rome years ago. Every other cross held their captives to be eaten by hungry dogs and birds. But not the king of the Jews before a Jewish holiday in a Roman occupied land. No one noticed details.

The nails didn't hurt half as much coming out. Thank Flog. I was very far away at the time.

By the time I came to, we were in Fau's apartment. I was still very groggy but could recognize the faces around me in the light of the oil lamp. My think team from Rome.

"We did it, Man."

"Am I still in heaven."

Ming kissed me.

"Heaven is yours. Jesus, you were great. I'm certain that one day they will talk of you in my land."

"It could have been a better crowd."

Charus put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed a little.

"It is enough that the priests were there to mock you. They are the ones who need to know your power over them. They will beg for the right to help write the new Roman religion. They will not see that they are the fools for a thousand years."

"And you left the wrappings with my blood on them in the tomb for the priests to inspect."

"They will deny it. But yes, everything is in place and the tomb is sealed. You won't be missed until the stone is pushed away."

I listened as best I could to my excited team that waited with me the next two days in Fau's small apartment. But I didn't care. The story was out of my hands.

My mother went to the tomb two days later with Helene and Joanna as they were asked to do. She didn't believe we would pull off the show and that the Roman authorities would let it happen.

"Helene, they have taken the body."

"He promised me he would not die on the cross."

"He is one of those reincarnationists, Helene. He thinks death is a bridge."

Helene finally turned around to see me standing in the door of the tomb. With the light behind me she didn't recognize me.

"It's me. There is a party in Galilee and they are waiting for us. So can we leave this place and go catch some fish. I haven't had fresh fish since this bloody escapade started."

Mom had to have a little cry and a few of our friends saw us on the road to Galilee and were amazed to see me walking. Even if I had to have Joanna and Helene to hold onto.

And after a few days on Lake Galilee, swimming and resting and letting time and love heal me, we moved to the Toscana to raise goats and chicken and our children. And I helped John in his stain glass window business and opened up a little antique furniture shop.

And when my hands were again strong enough, Judas came to work with me making furniture.

