 
You're Still The One

By Cheyenne Barnett

Copyright 2015 Cheyenne Barnett

Smashwords Edition

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Book Cover Made By Cheyenne Barnett

Stock Photo By: **tmarsee530** / **Foter** / **CC BY**. Changes were made.

### Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Chapter One

_Love [_ luv _]_

_1. To feel tender affection for somebody: to feel tender affection for somebody such as a close relative or friend, or for something such as a place, an_ ideal _, or an animal._

2. To feel desire for somebody: to feel romantic and longing for somebody.

Love has many more definitions, but the true meaning of love, for me, is learning to find the beauty in everything. That is love. I always thought it was just an emotion. An emotion you feel about someone or something, but really, love is the way you look at things.

After I lost my fiancé, Nick, I thought I had lost the love of my life. I couldn't understand why I had to lose someone so dear to me. I kept thinking, 'Why couldn't it be someone else? Why couldn't it happen to anyone but me?' and now, I realize that was selfish.

Losing a loved one is just a part of life; I'm sure it happens to everyone at some point or another, but when it happens to you, you can't help but feel like you're alone, it's just human nature. You have to have time to grieve and sometimes, you have to feel sorry for yourself, in order to realize that you're not the only human being on earth. Everyone deals with this.

When I got the letter from the army that said Nick had passed away, I didn't know what to do. I had spent months planning this beautiful wedding and then all of a sudden, all my plans vanished. It had never even once crossed my mind that Nick might not make it home from Afghanistan.

I was so caught up in my fairytale, I wouldn't let myself think negatively. Nick and I were high school sweethearts, I urged him to follow his dreams and go into the army, and I never thought twice about it. I just knew he would come back and we would get married and eventually, have kids. But I quickly figured out that sometimes, life doesn't like your plan. It has its own and it doesn't care if you like it or not.

After I received the letter, I felt like I was trapped in a bad dream. Everything was happening so fast, I couldn't keep up. First, the General of the Army flew in to meet me, then Nick's body was transported to the U.S., then the visitation and funeral. You have to keep in mind, all of this was just in a matter of two days. I didn't have time to sit and think. I didn't have time to realize that this, this was my reality.

I didn't realize this until after the funeral. I finally had time to sit down and think. It was then that I fully grasped the situation; Nick wasn't coming home and I wasn't getting married. I was alone, again.

I did what every human being would do, I felt sorry for myself. What was I supposed to do? I had to make up another plan for my life and I wasn't too keen on letting go of the original.

My problem was, I didn't have anyone else to lean on. I didn't talk much to my parents and I didn't really have any friends, so Nick was all I had. I needed someone to give me a push and turns out, the person I had least expected, helped me the most.

Logan Cook was Nick's best friend in the army, and he was also his Captain. I first met him the day Nick's body was transported to the U.S. The General told me that if I wanted to know exactly what happened to Nick the night he was killed, Logan was the one to talk to.

I had a meeting with Logan later that day and he told me all the details. I was angry with him at first, he didn't save Nick from the burning building. He saved the children first, but afterward, I realized that that was what Nick wanted and Logan respected his wishes.

That wasn't the last time I saw Logan either, he was assigned to be my grief counselor right after the funeral. He stayed with me until the General thought I was ready to be alone again. Turns out, the General's time wasn't the right time and I ended up moving to the military base with Logan, just because I didn't feel like I was ready to be on my own and not only that, but I felt like Logan was my friend, my best friend. He listened when I needed him to, gave his opinion when I needed it, and once, he saved my life.

After we moved to Virginia and after I felt like I was ready to move on, we began dating. I felt like it was what Nick wanted and a few months later, he popped the question, of course, I said yes.

Two years later, we're still together and I can honestly say, I love him with all my heart... Sometimes, when I'm alone, I think about Nick. I miss him, he was my first love, but like I said earlier, to me, love is finding the beauty in things. If I hadn't have lost Nick, I wouldn't have met Logan, and for me, that would have been another tragedy...

But on to the exciting part, today is Logan and I's two year anniversary! It's hard to believe it's been that long, it seems like just yesterday we were getting married. I had planned the wedding for months and when the big day came, all my planning had finally paid off.

We held the ceremony on the beach behind the house where Logan and Julie had once lived. I had chosen white and turquoise as my colors and they reflected the scenery wonderfully. The aisle was lined with stepping stones and beautiful assortments of flowers on either side. The arch was simple, made of white wood, and covered in turquoise curtains.

Logan had always said he wanted a small ceremony and I agreed. Logan had two groomsmen, his brother, Alex, and the General. I had two bridesmaids, Andrea, my old realtor, and Katie, Logan's secretary. Both of them had become very good friends of mine and for the first time in a very long time, I actually had some girlfriends to go out and shop with.

As for our guests, some of Logan's family came, including his mother, aunt and uncle, and a few of his cousins. A lot of his friends from the army also showed up, even some of the guys that were in the unit when Nick was killed.

My parents didn't show, mostly because I hadn't talked to them but once since I had moved. They had sold my old house and wired the money to my bank account and that was the last time I had heard from them.

Since my father didn't come, the General gave me away. I walked down the aisle alone, well kind of. I say that because, I strongly believe Nick was there, in spirit. I started down the aisle on my own and I swear on my life, as soon as my feet touched the first stepping stone, a slow, calm breeze guided me to where the General stood. I had made it clear that I wanted the General to give me away, but I wanted him to wait beside the last row of chairs.

Even though Nick and I weren't getting married, I felt a need to honor his memory on my wedding day. I wrapped his dog tags in my bouquet right before I walked down the aisle. When the wind started to blow, I stopped momentarily. Logan knew by the look on my face that Nick was there and within a few seconds, he felt it too.

I muttered a thank you to Nick before I continued down the aisle. The General met me at the end and gave me away to Logan before he took his place as a groomsmen.

It didn't take long for the ceremony to wrap up and then we headed down the beach a little ways for the reception. The food was excellent and the décor was just as I had placed it earlier that day. All in all, the night was perfect; it was everything I had dreamed of.

The honeymoon lasted a week, and Logan and I had planned on just staying at the beach house until we opened the General's wedding gift that is. He had arranged for us to fly to Hawaii and stay at the Hilton's honeymoon suite. It was something neither of us were expecting, but I had to admit, that was definitely the best wedding gift ever!

Now, two years later, we're spending our anniversary at the beach house. I have a feeling that Logan will remember this day for a very long time. I've been waiting almost two weeks to tell Logan the big news and today's the day...

"Logan, what are you doing in there?" I ask, trying to peak around the living room door.

"Don't you dare!" He says, placing his hand over my eyes. "Now, I have a surprise for you..." He leads me about ten steps forward before stopping. "Open."

He removes his hand as I look up at the pale blue wall. It used to be lined with pictures of Julie and Logan, but now it's all different. To the left side is a collage of pictures. Above it, a banner painted _In Loving Memory of Julie Cook & Nickolas Vaughn_.

Below the writing is the collage of photos. The first row is at prom, Julie with Logan and me with Nick. The second is of graduation, the third row is the last. In two matching black frames, is one of Julie and Logan on their wedding day and the other of Nick and me when he had proposed.

To the right is a quote, "Loved you yesterday, love you still. Always have, always will." I smile as I look below at all the pictures of Logan and I. There's pictures of us back in Kentucky, when we first met, pictures of our first date, his proposal, and our wedding. "Absolutely beautiful, Logan. Thank you."

I hug him as I continue to look at all the pictures, "So, now that I have received my surprise, I suppose it's time for yours."

He looks at me questioningly, "Oh, really?"

"Yep, but I think you'd better sit down..." He does as I say then watches me as I sit in front of him, trying to figure out the best way to break the news.

"Well, what is it?" He asks, anxiously.

"Okay, so here's the thing... You don't really get your surprise right now, but you will." He cocks an eyebrow, "When will I get it?"

"This is an estimation, but probably in about nine months or so..." I trail off as he tries to figure out my hint.

"Nine months? What happens in..." His eyes go wide. "You're... You're pregnant?"

I nod, "Congratulations, Mr. Soon-To-Be-Dad. You remember that guest room you decorated when I first bought the house? I think it's going to need some major redecorating..."

He smiles, "I have to call my mom... I have to tell her she's going to be a grandma." He finds his phone and starts to dial her number. I've haven't seen Logan smile this much since we got married...

We're having a baby.

Granted, I was told I was pregnant almost two weeks ago, but saying it allowed for the first time makes it so real... Logan and I were going to be parents!

Chapter Two

Logan's excitement surprised me. Sure, I was expecting him to be happy, but he was beyond happy! He was ecstatic! I was thrilled to see him this way and within an hour, our whole family shared our enthusiasm.

After I told Logan that we were expecting, he called his mom and told her the news. Then, he called his brother, his aunt and uncle, all of his cousins, and finished up with calling the General. Once he was finished with his frenzy of phone calls, I began mine, which resulted in only two conversations with Katie and Andrea.

They were all so happy for us, but there was one person who caught my attention. The General. When he answered the phone, he thought something was wrong, but when Logan broke the news to him, his response was kind of a letdown... He only said, 'I see... Well, congratulations... Logan, as soon as you arrive back home, I would like to have a meeting with you and Caroline.'

I have no idea what that meant, but Logan seemed a bit tense afterward. I kept asking him if he knew what it was about and he continued to assure me it was nothing...

Nevertheless, Logan refused to let that ruin our evening. We took a long walk down the beach and enjoyed cliché movies until we both fell asleep...

The next morning, we headed back home. After our wedding, Logan moved in with me and now, this huge house doesn't feel quite as lonely as it once did. It feels more like home. While I unpacked, Logan called the General and informed him that we had returned. He told us to meet him at his office as quickly as we could, so we left again, and headed toward Fort Lee.

The ride was completely silent as anxiety began to build in my chest. I knew by the General's tone of voice it had to be bad... But the question still remained, what was it? What was so urgent?

When we arrived, Logan and I walked up to the office, hand in hand. Usually, you're greeted by the secretary and from there, she pages the General. But this time, the General was actually waiting for us outside of his office...

"Right on time, please follow me." Logan and I take our seats in front of the General's desk, as he shuts the door and sits down. "First off, congratulations on the baby, I'm sure you'll make wonderful parents..."

Logan sees through his disguise and speaks up, "Is there something wrong, sir?"

He takes a deep breath, "I should have told you this before you left, but I didn't want to ruin your anniversary. I thought it could wait until you got back but it seems as if I was wrong. I hate to spring this on you so soon and especially now that Caroline's pregnant..." He pauses as my heartbeat quickens. "Logan, the issue in Iran continues to worsen and I have been informed that your unit will fly out Friday to assist..."

I shake my head, "I'm confused, why are you telling us this?"

"Caroline," The General begins, "I can't send a unit out to battle without their leader." In the back of my mind, I know what he's trying to say, but I can't make myself believe it...

"Why can't you just send out someone else? I'm sure you have other Captain's."

Logan intervenes, "Yes, but they're assigned to their own units. This one's mine..." Then he says exactly what I was afraid of, "I have to go."

"But he'll just be gone for a little while, right?" I look to the General with pleading eyes as his face saddens. "We don't know, Caroline, it depends on how bad it is. He could be gone up to a year at most..."

I fight to keep a tear from escaping my saddened eyes, "But what about the baby?" I turn to Logan, praying for just an ounce of hope. "You can't miss all the Doctor's visits and my hormonal cravings! What about the nursery? What if you miss the birth?" I ask, frantically.

"Care, you're getting worked up over something no one can help. Who knows, I could only be gone a week? You never know about these things."

Finally, the tear escapes, followed by many more as I rise and exit the office building. Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I just have a normal life? The last time the love of my life went off to war, he didn't come back... What if that happens to Logan? I don't think I could handle that again...

I walk over to the park and sit on the same bench that Logan and I had once sat on all those years ago. I suddenly flashback to that moment when the little girl was playing on the monkey bars... She was so happy and then she fell. She wanted her Daddy... What if my baby never has that chance?

"Care, you're worrying about something that can't be helped." Logan sits beside me and pulls my hand into his. "I may not even be gone that long."

"That's exactly what Nick said before he left..."

He sighs, "So, that's really what you're worried about? Beneath all that baby talk you just told the General, you're really just afraid that I won't come back..." He tries to make me look at him, but I refuse, "Caroline, I can't promise you anything, it's war. It's exactly what it sounds like, but what I can promise you, is that I will fight my hardest and I will write you a letter, every single day. What happened to Nick was awful, but I do recall you telling me about a certain dream you had before we started dating. He told you something and I think it's time you take it to heart. Now, please, remind me of what he said?" I finally make eye contact with him as he smiles.

"He said that he had to die so that I could meet you..."

"And?"

"And you were my soul mate..."

"Exactly, I don't think Nick would let the heaven's rip me away from you just yet... Our life has just begun." Deep down, I know he's right, but there's always that big 'what if' factor in my head... "Come on," He stands and pulls me up to my feet, "I think we should get home."

"Why?"

He smirks, "Trust me, we need to go. I don't think army guys really like the whole public display of affection..."

Logan's Point of View

Thursday; the last day before I was to be shipped out to Iran. A part of me was ready to go, I was the Captain of this unit and now was the time to defend the country. But I couldn't help but feel like I was leaving Caroline alone again. She had already been through so much with Nick and I was terrified for her. What if something did happen to me? What would happen to her and the baby?

I kept assuring her yesterday that I would be alright, but when you go off to war, there's always a chance that you may not return, and that was exactly what I was afraid of...

"Hey, Mom, what are you up to today?" I ask, putting the phone on speaker and setting it between Caroline and me.

"Nothing really, Alex and I were actually thinking about going down to the beach for the day. How's my daughter-in-law and grandbaby?"

Caroline chuckles before answering, "Same as yesterday, Helen, just fine."

"Wonderful! So to what do I owe this lovely phone call?"

I sigh, "Well, I have something to tell you and you may want to sit down..."

"Oh God! You're having twins!"

I look at Caroline surprised, "Are we?" I whisper.

"No, of course not."

I clear my throat, "No, no, Mom. Just one baby as far as we know."

"Oh, well then what is it?"

"I was informed yesterday that my unit has been chosen to be sent to Iran."

It's silent a moment, "Logan! You can't leave Caroline now! She's pregnant, for God's sakes! Isn't there something you can do?"

"I'm afraid not... I leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Well, how long will you be gone?

"We don't know, but not longer than a year."

"A year? Oh my goodness, well, someone has to be there with Caroline in case she needs something... I think Alex and I should come down for a bit, we could help her while you're gone... What do you say, Caroline?" I wait for Caroline to answer. I'm sure she would like some company and mom has been getting along very well with her lately... She has gone through this whole pregnancy thing before... "I would love for you to come, Helen."

"Wonderful! Alex and I will schedule a spot on the next plane! I'll let you know when we arrive!" I end the call and look at Caroline curiously.

"Are you sure you really want my mother here? And my brother?"

"I like having company, besides, she can help me with baby stuff and it's not like she's busy anymore." That was true, right before we got married, she sold the company and the huge million dollar mansion along with it. Since then, she's downgraded to a more modern home. Not to say she isn't rich anymore, she just invests her money carefully.

As for Alex, he's been living with mom while trying to find a job but hasn't had any luck as of yet. "So, what are we doing today?" I ask as I put my arm around her and pull her closer.

"I'm good with this."

I chuckle, "Nah, come on, Care. Think."

"Hmmm..." She pauses a moment before continuing, "Oh, I got it! How about we pick names for the baby? We can pick one if it's a girl and one if it's a boy."

I nod. "Alright, any ideas?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I was thinking the first name should start with J, in memory of Julie, and the middle name with N, in memory of Nick."

I perk up a bit, "Agreed, start with the girl first."

"Okay... Juliet?"

"No way, that would remind me of a Romeo and I'm not too keen on that detail yet."

She laughs, "Okay, uh... Jewel?"

I shrug, "It's alright, just doesn't jump out at me."

"Agreed... Okay, how about Julianna?" As soon as she says it, it just sounds right and I knew she felt the same way.

"Perfect."

"Julianna Nicole Cook. Has a certain ring to it, don't you think?"

I smile, "Definitely, looks like that's settled... How about a boy? Even, though I'm pretty sure it's a girl."

"How do you know?"

"Well, the male always chooses the gender of the baby and I'm about ninety percent sure it's a girl."

"Yeah, we'll see, but we still need a boy name, just in case..."

"Fine, John?"

She shakes her head. "Too simple."

I roll my eyes, "Okay, James?" She frowns. "Jackson?"

Her eyes light up, "I like it... Jackson Nickolas Cook... It could work..."

"I don't think it really matters since it is a girl," I assure her.

"Yeah, we'll see about that."

It becomes silent again as we sit and enjoy each other's company while we still can. This is one thing I'll definitely miss, just little moments like this are so special when you're overseas, wondering what she's doing, hoping she's alright, and praying that you'll make it out to be able to see her again.

"Caroline, will you promise me something?" I ask as she turns to face me.

"Depends on what it is." She says carefully.

"Will you promise me, that you'll really, really try not to cry tomorrow. Or at least, not in front of me?" She frowns. "Just try, that's all I ask."

She gives me a thoughtful smile, "I'll try."

I have to say, if she does start the waterworks tomorrow, I may not go off to Iran after all, instead, I'll be sent to military prison for disobeying an order and right now, I'm not sure which one's worse.

### Chapter Three

That night, I didn't sleep a wink. Believe me, I tried, but no matter what I did, I just kept watching Logan... I knew that this would be our last night together for a long time. He had said over and over that he may only be gone a week, but we both knew that time span was only a dream.

Truth was, we didn't know how long he would be gone. The General had said a year at most and for me, that was truly a nightmare. I didn't want to go to Doctor's visits without him, he was supposed to be there when the gender's revealed, and he's supposed to be there when I had cravings in the middle of the night.

If Logan's gone the full year, he'll miss all of those things and the birth of our child. That was definitely something I was terrified of; birth. If I didn't have him there with me, who would I yell at? Who would be the one to calm me down and tell me silly jokes?

Just thinking of all this, mortified me. I felt like everything was caving in on me and there was nothing I could do... "Logan? We need to go." I yell walking into the bedroom from the bathroom. He sits up, sleepily. "Come on, we got to go. I'll wait for you in the car."

I walk through the house and grab the keys to the Camaro before heading out to the garage. Yes, Logan still has Crimson, and yes, he actually calls his car that too. As for me, I still have my Mustang, Phoenix, she's still my baby, although I'm sure once the little one arrives, she'll have to take a backseat.

I get in the passenger side and put the keys in the ignition. I wait for another ten minutes or so before Logan comes out in his army uniform along with his matching suitcase, which is really just a big, loose bag.

He smiles as he gets in and throws the bag in the back. "My car, eh?" He asks curiously.

"Of course, I figured you'd like to drive it since it'll probably be a long time before you even see it again." He rolls his eyes as the garage door opens.

"So thoughtful, Caroline." He adds, sarcastically. He pulls out onto the road and heads toward the airport. It was only a few miles from base, so it didn't take long to reach the parking garage. We were lucky and got a spot on the first floor.

We park as Logan hands me the keys and gets his stuff. It's quiet as we make our way into the airport. There're tons of army guys around, it looks like they're flying the whole base out. I continue following Logan through the crowd as I look around at all the families saying goodbye to their loved ones.

I knew that would be me in just a few minutes... Sadness settles over me as I keep thinking of what I promised Logan. I have to keep myself together... Just for a little while longer...

Suddenly, he stops near the terminal and turns to me, "Now, I expect lots of letters while I'm gone and I want pictures!" I laugh at his enthusiasm, "Oh, and promise me another thing." His face goes serious, "Do not let my brother anywhere near my car! If he tries, threaten the life out of him."

"Yes, sir!" I salute.

"This is for you," He hands me an envelope, "This will start our frenzy of letters to one another. Expect another within the next week or so and don't open this one until you're at home, alright?"

I nod as a woman comes over the intercom, "Flight 689 to Iran Military Base, now boarding." All the soldiers begin boarding the plane as Logan pulls me tightly into a hug.

"I love you, Caroline, and don't you forget it."

"Ditto," I mutter as he kisses me one last time before pulling away. I fight back the tears as he picks up his bag and watches me carefully. I knew he wouldn't walk away from me while I was still standing there, so I knew I had to be the one to turn away first.

I looked at him one last time as I slowly turned and walked away. I knew not to look back, if I did, he would see me cry and I didn't think he would handle that well.

The tears began to flow freely as I made it back to the car. I sat the letter in the passenger seat as I wait for the waterworks to subside just enough for me to be able to see to get home.

I sat there for a good thirty minutes and cried as hard as I could. I would be alright and I knew I was finally going to break down sometime. Every time I looked at him, the past few days, that's all I wanted to do. Cry.

Maybe it's just all my crazy hormones raging, who knows.

When I was finally able to see the road, I left the airport and headed home. I parked Crimson in his usual spot as I shut the garage door and went into the house. I sat down at the counter and opened the letter.

Letter #1

Dear Caroline,

If you listened to me earlier, you should be at home now. While you read this, I'm about thirty thousand feet in the air with my unit as well as many others. I know when you got back to the car, you had a bit of a meltdown, but that's okay. I knew, no matter what, you would keep your promise and not cry in front of me. I knew that because you've never let me down, Care.

I'm writing this while you're in the shower and let me tell you, for the first time in my life, I'm actually thankful that you take such long showers, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to write this without you knowing.

I'm truly sorry that you have to go through this, especially right now, but I'll be okay. I don't want you to worry too much about me, stress isn't good for the baby, ya know, and no matter when I get back, before or after the baby's born, I want to find a healthy Caroline and Julianna. :)

You continue to believe it's a boy, but I'm telling you, it is a girl! I've had that feeling ever since you told me the news. But don't worry, we may have a little Jackson Nickolas later, you never know.

I just heard you get out of the shower, a little quicker tonight, eh? Now, remember, I want to hear from you and I want tons of pictures! I want to hear about your weird cravings, that I'm sure you're going to have, and I want to see your little baby bump grow!

No matter what, you'll always be the one. You'll always be my Caroline.

Love Always,

Logan

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Alone [ ə lṓn ]

1. Having no one else present; on one's own.

This was the way I felt, yet I wasn't really alone in the physical sense. Helen and Alex arrived the day after Logan left. They were there to keep me company but it didn't feel right. I couldn't talk to them like I talked to Logan, it just wasn't the same...

All Alex did was stay in the basement, which Logan had turned into a workout space about a year ago. I only saw him when food was involved, so he wasn't much company. Actually, half the time, I forgot he was even there.

Helen always wanted to chat about the baby, which was okay for a little while, but soon, it became a little overwhelming for me. She had told me multiple times that she wanted to decorate the nursery and have it be a baby shower gift, but I just thought that was too much and honestly, I wanted to be the one to decorate the nursery... It _was_ my baby.

I love Helen, I do, but I'm afraid she's going to put too much stress on me and the baby. I understand that she's really excited to be a grandmother, but she needs to give me a little space. She's had her own experience as a mother, I just wish she would let me have mine...

"Caroline? Please do not tell me you're eating those again!" Helen walks up behind me as I turn around with a bag of Sour Patch Kids. "Oh dear, child. You're going to develop diabetes if you keep eating those like that!"

"The Doctor said it was perfectly normal to crave things like this, no big deal." I walk around her and grab the peanut butter off the counter. Weird, I know, but lately I can't get enough of Sour Patch Kids dipped in the gooey, sweet substance. I'm sure Logan will get a kick out of that, I told him in the last letter I sent and I was hoping I would get his reply today.

We've sent at least forty letters between the two of us in the last month. I can honestly say that I have never gotten so excited to see the mailman in my life. I can usually time him down to the minute and it's always my favorite part of the day.

I walk into the dining room and place my snacks on the table. I pull up a chair to the big bay window and begin munching on my goodies. I look up at the clock above the piano, 11:57AM.

He should be coming up the drive any minute now...

As usual, he was right on time. I didn't think twice about running outside without putting any shoes on, it was summer and very warm outside, but even if the driveway was flaming hot, it didn't matter. I had hoped and prayed that there would be a letter out there with my name on it.

The mail truck had just pulled away when I arrived at the gray stone mailbox. I opened the squeaky door and pulled out a handful of papers. It was mostly junk, but at the very bottom was a crisp, white envelope addressed to me.

I quickly ran back into the house, sighing in relief as my feet touched the cool floor. I ran into my bedroom and shut the door as I tore the envelope open and pulled out the handwritten letter that smelled exactly like Logan.

Letter #41

My Dearest Caroline,

I have to say, I was not expecting your first craving to be Sour Patch Kids and peanut butter, that's definitely something. I thought it would be ice cream or something kind of normal, but I should've known, you'd pick the weirdest thing. Just curious, how bad are the cravings? I mean is that all you eat now? Or do you at least eat a few things a little healthier? :)

_I hate to say it, but I told you so. My mother is a lot better than she used to be, but she can still get on_ people's _nerves, especially yours. Even though she may get under your skin, I feel better that someone is there with you. How's Alex? You haven't mentioned him in your past few letters?_

Now, don't get too excited, but I might, possibly, get to make a call home in the next few days. Everyone's been really depressed lately and the General has agreed to let us make a quick phone call once we get to the next base.

I don't know how long it'll take to get there, we're in a bind right now, but I promise, I will at least get my unit there and I will call, even if it's midnight in Virginia. You have no idea how badly I need to hear your voice...

There's not an hour that goes by that I don't think about you. I miss you so much, Caroline... I don't think I really realized how much of a toll it takes on a person to leave someone like you. I know I left Julie all those years ago, but I swear I never felt like this.

I never fully understood why Nick talked about you every second of every day until I was in that position. He did that because he was afraid of forgetting all the memories he had of you. If he talked about them every day, they would stay fresh in his mind and maybe all the gruesomeness of war wouldn't get to him so much.

Every time we lost a soldier, Nick would always say, "There's something Caroline always told me... When a life is taken, one is given." I have found myself reciting those same words to my unit. It seems like every day I'm gone, the more I think about things you've said to me.

_The other night, as I was trying to sleep, I found myself thinking about the night my parents showed up at the_ base _. After my argument with them, I went into your room and you never even bothered to ask why I was so angry. Even though they talked so badly to you, you said it was my business. That was the night that I truly fell in love with you._

_I don't just think about those_ things, _though, I think about some of the funny things too. Like that night when you wore Barney pajamas to bed. That definitely lightened the mood. And then when I bought Crimson and we had that silly bet with an employee of the car lot._

Those things get me through the day, Caroline, and they're all because of you. I can't wait to hear from you again.

Love Always,

Logan

I wipe a tear away from my eye as I sit down at my desk. I pull out a pen and paper and write back. I do this every time I get a letter, I waste no time in sending one back, usually, I take it to the post office right after I finish it.

Letter #42

Dear Logan,

You should've known that I would crave the sweetest of foods. :) I tend to go through at least a pound of Sour Patch Kids every other day and a jar of peanut butter every two or three. Helen has figured out that she needs to buy in bulk now, so she doesn't have to run to the market so much.

_Cravings are a little hard to explain but it's like you suddenly have an urge to eat something that you don't normally eat. When I first craved them, it was almost like I could smell and taste them even though they weren't even in the house. Weird, I know, but the Doctor says it's perfectly normal, which is exactly what I keep telling your mother. She swears I'm going to end up being_ diabetic _if I don't stop eating them._

I don't eat them all the time, I do eat normal things like chicken and such. (I really like chicken.) Yeah, probably another craving coming on. So don't worry, I'm getting plenty of nutritional foods as well.

As for Alex, well, I don't really see him much. He's been living in the basement since he got here. He was really excited when I told him that you had converted it into a gym. Truthfully, I only see him when food is involved.

You tell me to not get excited, but what do you expect? I'll probably jump at every sound at night now, thinking it may be the phone! :) I can't wait to hear your voice and I'm sure baby Julianna is excited to hear from daddy too!

I'm only about nine weeks pregnant and I swear the mommy instincts are already kicking in. I constantly talk to my stomach like it can talk back, which I think makes your mother a little uncomfortable, as she thinks I'm talking to her.

I miss you too, Logan and I wish that this war would end this very minute even though we both know that won't happen. I never felt this way with Nick either, it's like the hole in my heart is a hundred times bigger now that you're away.

I think about you all the time and I find myself talking aloud to Julianna. I have this weird feeling that I should always bring you up when I talk to her so that she knows you're still here in a way. I think she's very happy when I bring you up, even though she isn't ready to start kicking yet, I feel like she really loves her daddy.

The Doctor said the baby feels everything mommy does once they start developing, so I know she's missing you too.

I can't wait to hear from you.

Forever & Always,

Caroline

### Chapter Four

That smell... It's so familiar... Nick?

_My eyes look around at my surroundings, I'm back at the bridge in Kentucky... I'm not actually_ here, _though, it's just a dream, right? "Caroline." Someone says as I turn around and find Nick smiling at me. He's standing in the middle of the bridge in his uniform._

" _Nick? You haven't been in my dreams since the wedding?" That was true. I hadn't heard from him since the night before Logan and I were married. He told me that I shouldn't worry and he would be with me every step of the way._

" _No, you've been pretty occupied for the past two years, congrats on the baby, by the way! I heard_ about _the name, Julianna Nicole, beautiful." I smile as I walk closer to him and lean against the railing._

" _Did you hear what its name is supposed to be if it's a boy?"_

He nods. "Yeah, I did and thanks for that, but I'm afraid I'll have to side with Logan this time. It's definitely a girl."

" _And how do you know?" I ask curiously._

" _When you're up here, you can figure out a lot of things..."_

_I take a deep breath and ask him what I really wanted to know, "So, you've been gone for two years..._ Why _show up right now?"_

" _I haven't been gone, Care. In order for you to dream about me, you have to be thinking of me and I have to be thinking of you, which is why I'm here... I know you're terrified for Logan and I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't stress over it. Everything will be fine."_

" _Can you tell me something, Nick?"_

" _If I can."_

" _Will Logan make it back home for the birth?"_

And with that, I quickly shot up in bed. "Dang it!" I set up as a familiar noise makes me remember what Logan had written in his last letter, he was supposed to call me soon... And that noise was the phone ringing!

I quickly jumped out of bed and ran into the kitchen before the noise woke anyone else up. I grabbed the phone and answered, "Hello?"

"Now, that's the voice I wanted to hear."

"Logan! You called!" I squeal as I run back into my room.

"Of course, I did, what time is it there?"

I look at the clock on the nightstand, "Five, seems like you were my alarm today."

He chuckles, "Ah well, how's Miss Julianna?"

"Just lovely. Actually, I have a Doctor's appointment in a few weeks to determine the gender. Then we get to see if you're right."

"I'm telling you, it's a girl, Care. I know it, speaking of which, I expect a picture of you in the next letter you send me, I've got all the guys interested in Julianna now. They've been talking to their wives too and they keep telling me if you send me a picture, they can tell if it's a boy or a girl."

"And how can they do that?"

"The General said when his wife was pregnant with their first child, she carried low and it was a boy. The second time, she carried high and it was a girl."

"Well, I never thought that the Captain Logan Cook would ever believe in superstitions."

"I don't, just curious is all... How's my mother treating you?"

"She's really not that bad other than she wants to take over the nursery project..."

"What?"

"She wants to decorate the nursery as a baby shower gift. She's driving me crazy about it, Logan. It's all she talks about even though I keep telling her that it's very thoughtful and all, but it's my baby and I should decorate it the way I want."

"I agree, but you have to understand this is her first grandchild. You need to explain to her that isn't her baby, it's ours."

"I know and I want to, but I don't want to hurt her feelings... Have you heard any news about coming home?" I ask curiously.

He hesitates. "No... No one really knows..." It goes silent for a moment before he speaks up again, "I'm afraid I have to go now, Caroline, I love you." He says quickly before hanging up the phone.

"I love you too..." I whisper into the dark, empty silence.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't go back to sleep. I stayed up and watched the morning news, something I rarely ever did. I watched it for about half an hour until they started mentioning some deceased soldiers who were being sent home today for their funeral.

I felt sorry for their family, as I had been in that same position just a few, short years ago... I clicked the TV off and took a shower, trying to get my mind off of everything that happened earlier. I really needed to get out of the house today, I didn't care if it was just for an hour, I just needed to feel productive.

I thought about doing a little shopping for the baby, ya know, just the basics like bottles, pacifiers, bibs, etc. I knew if I told Helen where I was going, she would want to follow along, so I had to come up with another excuse.

It didn't take long for me to figure that out when Katie called. She wasn't working at the base today and was wondering if I wanted to meet up. I had told her about my plans and she said she would love to come along. At least I knew she wouldn't drive me crazy.

Katie was Logan's secretary and since he was gone, she had just been keeping up with things at the office and filing paperwork. She said she really needed a break, so she took the day off. Coincidence, I suppose.

We agreed to meet up at the Babies R Us at ten, so I got ready and waited around until time to go. I went over to my desk to grab my keys and knocked off a picture frame. I picked it up and sat it back on the table, it was one of our engagement pictures. Hard to believe that was taken two years ago... We both looked so happy, so innocent.

Neither of us knew what was ahead, we had agreed that we wanted a family within a couple of years, but we never expected Logan to be sent back to war...

I felt like I was being a bit selfish with Logan, I knew it was hard for him to leave but all I kept thinking about was myself. The day I told him I was pregnant, we were both so excited. I couldn't wait to go shopping with him, to decorate the nursery, but the next day, those plans came to a halt.

Was I upset with the General? No, he couldn't do anything about it, but I do wish he would have told us a little sooner instead of springing it on us all of a sudden...

I reached for my keys but instead of picking up mine, I paused and picked up Logan's. I knew I had to drive Crimson every once and awhile or the battery would die. I grasped them in my hand as I opened my bedroom door and started to make my way to the garage.

"Where are you off to, Caroline?" Helen asks, following me.

"Uh, just going to meet a friend for lunch... I'll be back later." I add and run off to the car. Thankfully, I make it out of the garage before she can say anything else. I shut the garage door as I send Katie a text, saying that I'm on my way.

As I head into town, I enjoy the peace and quiet. It's been awhile since I've had time to myself... Once I pull into the parking lot, Katie's Toyota Four Runner pulls up beside me. I smile as I get out and lock the Camaro.

"Does he know you're driving that?" She asks as we start to walk into the store.

"Not exactly, but hey, if I don't, the battery will die."

She smirks, "Good excuse."

As we enter the building, I begin to get a little excited as I look around at all the baby items. Katie grins, "Yep, that's the exact expression I had on my face when I came here the first time. It's like Baby Land, anything and everything you could ever need. Exciting, isn't it?" Katie should know, she has two kids under the age of five, Emma and Ally.

"Yeah, I don't even know where to begin. I mean, I don't know the gender for sure yet, so..." I trail off.

"Well, we can still get quite a few things without knowing that detail. You can always get unisex colors like yellow and mint green." I followed her through the maze of aisles as she stopped near the bottles. "Definitely going to need this." She adds a bottle warmer to my cart.

"Well, it's a good thing I know you because I don't know what half of this stuff is," I add looking around at all the merchandise.

"Don't worry, I've been through this twice, I've got your back." She smiles before asking, "When is your appointment to check the baby's gender?"

"Two weeks from today, why?"

"Well, I really wanted to be the one to throw you a baby shower..."

I grin widely, "Of course! I would love that!"

"Great! It'll be my little secret, all I need you to do is tell me the sex of the baby when you find out."

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to the appointment? I know Helen's coming, but I'd feel a lot better if you were there too."

Her eyes glisten a bit, "Oh my God, of course, I would! That is always the most exciting part of any pregnancy! Well, other than the birth, naturally."

"Then it's settled."

That definitely made me feel better, I really didn't want to go to the appointment alone with Helen. I honestly can't wait to tell Logan about the baby shower, I'm sure Katie will do a fantastic job! I've only been to one baby shower in my life and it was awesome! I can't even imagine what Katie's planning. I just wish Logan could be there.

I feel so odd doing all this on my own, but at least I have some really good friends to help me along the way. I tried my best to keep my mind on the task at hand and not think about the phone call I had gotten earlier that morning. I knew it wouldn't last long and believe me, I was thankful for the few minutes I had, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to hang up. Who knows when I'd be able to talk to him again, to hear his voice, to hear him say I love you...

It was a challenge to keep my sanity, but after my dream, I had to believe Nick... I had to remain positive, if I let myself think negatively, it wouldn't be good for me or the baby.

I just had to believe in Logan. He could take care of himself and I knew, with all my heart, that he would do whatever it takes to make it back home...

I have to admit, my mini shopping trip was a great success. I had only bought neutral items since the gender had yet to be revealed. Katie was a major help in deciding upon things that would make it a little bit more efficient when the baby came, such as bottle warmers, a diaper genie, and a humidifier. I had chosen a few pieces of clothing in various shades of yellow and a few in light blue and mint green.

Overall, I was happy with my progress and went home fairly excited to write a letter to Logan. I knew he had been wondering when the shopping would begin and I also couldn't wait to tell him that Katie was going to host the baby shower! That was certainly one event that I was looking forward to.

I parked Crimson in the garage and attempted to carry all the shopping bags in at once. Surprisingly, I succeeded in the challenge and carried them all the way upstairs and into the empty room that would soon be the nursery. I sat them down in the corner and looked around the room.

I couldn't wait to decorate and I had already planned my themes. For a girl, I was thinking Cinderella and for a boy, I was thinking Thomas the Train or Winnie the Pooh. "So, this will be the nursery?" Helen walks in and looks around the room.

"Uh, yeah..." I reply as she looks at the bags in the corner.

"So, that's why you wouldn't tell me where you were going? Nursery shopping?"

"No, I did go out for lunch with a friend. Katie and I decided to stop by Babies R Us and I picked up a few things. She has kids of her own, you know."

She nods, "I realize I've been getting on your nerves, Caroline, and for that I'm sorry. I was never the best mother to Logan and I've regretted that for many years now. I just don't want to make that same mistake with my grandchild."

That kind of took me by surprise. "How did you-"

"Logan called while you were gone. I know he called you earlier and I can't say I blame you for not waking me up. I've been so pushy towards you and I didn't realize I was causing you stress. Logan informed me that I needed to back off a bit and let you experience pregnancy the way every mother does. I don't want us to be the usual mother-in-law and daughter-in-law... I don't want you to despise me."

"Oh, Helen, I don't despise you! I love having you around but like Logan said, I need to have my own experience too. However, that doesn't mean that you can't be there for me and give me advice."

She smiles, "I'm glad you feel that way and another thing, I didn't know how much it meant to you to decorate the nursery, go right ahead, I promise I won't stand in your way."

"That's nice to know, Helen, but I think I'll need a little help painting and folding clothes..." I trail off.

"Count me in!"

"I thought you'd like that. And by the way, I have a Doctor's appointment in two weeks to determine the gender of the baby. I was kind of hoping you'd come with me."

Her eyes light up, "Of course, I will, I'd be honored!" She pulls me into a hug, then quickly releases me. "Even though I missed most of Logan's life and he basically raised himself, I'm very proud of what he's become. He really loves you, Caroline, and I'm so glad you both found each other."

"Well, I'm glad you chose to be in our life."

We walk back down the stairs as Helen heads toward the kitchen. "I sent Alex to the market to pick up some steaks, I figured I could make a nice dinner for us tonight. Steaks alright with you?"

I nod. "Steaks are always more than alright with me." I laugh as I head into my bedroom and sit down at my desk. I open my notepad and grab a pen.

Letter #47

Dear Logan,

First off, I don't know what you told your mother, but whatever it was, thank you! This morning, Katie and I went to Babies R Us for a little shopping trip and when I came back, it's like your mother had turned into an angel!

_She wasn't upset that I went shopping without her and even apologized for stressing me out! She even admitted to being pushy! And get this, she said she was glad that we found each other! I'm telling you, I would have videoed_ that _if I had the time. You just wouldn't believe how much she changed in just a few hours! You're definitely a miracle worker, Logan._

Now, as for the shopping trip, Katie was definitely a big help in deciding what to get. I bought a bottle warmer, which I'm sure we'll both love once the baby arrives, and I bought a few neutral clothing items as well.

Also, I bet you can't guess who's throwing my baby shower in a few weeks? Katie! Logan, you have no idea how excited I am for that! Honestly, I don't think I've gotten this excited since we got married.

_Katie and I were also discussing some nursery themes and I think Cinderella would fit Julianna very well, after all, she'll be our little princess! I'm not even going to bother with the boy_ themes _since you're so fixed on the thought that it'll be a girl. Katie also agrees with you, by the way._

I'm enclosing a picture of me, as promised. I had your mother take this yesterday, I feel like I gain five pounds every day and that's not something I'm very keen on, especially since most women don't get this big until they're at least five months pregnant. So, let me know what your unit says. I'm sure they'll agree with the Captain, as always. :)

I can't wait to hear back from you!

Forever & Always,

Caroline

### Chapter Five

Letter #48

Dear Caroline,

_Let's just say, mom and I had a little heart to heart over about a two minute time period. I just reminded her to be kind and I might have mentioned you were a bit stressed. But, she took well to what I told her and promised me that she would take care of you while I'm gone. I made sure and included that when I returned, I wanted to see a relaxed and_ stress-free _Caroline. I might have been a little stern with that little detail as well. :)_

I was kind of wondering when the shopping frenzy would begin and I'm glad you took Katie with you. I believe she's just as excited for this baby as we are. Actually, I was wondering if you had thought of a godmother yet. I was thinking that she would be the perfect fit, but of course, you have the final say.

I'm very relieved that you have something to look forward to, honestly, I'm looking forward to receiving a very long letter with all the gifts we've received. I would love to see pictures from the event and I'm sure Katie will take care of that detail, as well.

Oh, dear, Caroline, why on earth would you even think about a nursery theme for a boy? A waste of time, if you ask me, but I'm sure you already knew that. I think Cinderella would be the perfect theme for Julianna and I can't wait to see what that empty room turns into.

_Care, I honestly think you've_ gone _completely crazy since I left! You do not gain five pounds a day in any pregnancy, that's completely insane. I don't think any woman enjoys gaining weight, but it's just part of having another human being growing inside of you. I happen to think you look absolutely beautiful and I can tell you're not as upset as you think you are. The way you're looking at the camera says it all. You have that glow._

I guess it would be no shock to tell you that every soldier in my unit agreed that it is indeed a girl. You're carrying high and you know what that means... Julianna it is.

_Now, to the difficult part. This was one letter I was not thrilled to write but please, please don't worry... As I write this, the General has just left my tent. He informed me that we are about to leave the_ base _. This is where combat comes in and that's pretty much all I can tell you..._

Caroline, I won't be able to write for a while, I won't be able to have any contact with anyone but my soldiers until this mission is complete. I don't know how long it'll be before you hear from me again, it could only be a few days or a few weeks, but please don't stress over it, you'll just worry me.

I'll be fine, Care, you just focus on Julianna. I love you and I miss you.

Love Always,

Logan

A few days? A few weeks? What am I supposed to do, wait for a letter to tell me if he's alive or not? I understand that it's a mission and contacting people could give away their location, but for goodness sake's, I'm his wife!

"Caroline!" I hear Helen cry out from the living room. I leave the bedroom and find her and Alex gasping at the TV in horror. I turn and watch as Helen turns the volume up.

"We've just received some very devastating news out of Iran this evening. A United States military unit has been attacked just outside of the state capital. It has been confirmed that at least twenty-five have been found dead and at least fifty more injured. We've also received word that the unit was stationed in Virginia at Fort Lee. No names have been released. This is Kara Thomas reporting live, CNN News."

No words could completely describe what I was feeling... I was terrified, frustrated, and had a sudden feeling of helplessness. How was I to know if he was involved in this? How was I to know if he was alright?

Within an instant, adrenaline kicked in and I ran for the phone. I quickly dialed Katie's number and on the second ring, she answered. "Caroline, please calm down, he wouldn't want you to have a heart attack, now would he?"

"Are you at work?" I ask, ignoring everything she had just said.

"Yes, I'm in the office and we haven't heard the details yet."

"I'm coming, stay there." Without saying another word, I grab my keys off the counter as I frantically run to the garage. "Alex, go with her!" Helen cries.

By the time I get into Phoenix, Alex is already in the passenger side. I don't even bother to argue, I just raise the garage door, throw the car in reverse, and back out of the driveway. "Look, I don't have time to go over all the rules of Phoenix, just don't touch anything and keep your seatbelt on until I park the car." Alex didn't say a word as I slid out onto the main highway.

"Hey! Slow down!" He yells, clutching the handle above him. I knew what Phoenix was capable of and yet, I had never pushed her this hard since I had bought her. I kept praying that Logan was alright and for some reason, there would be no cops in the area.

Even if they would have pulled me over, I'm sure no officer in their right mind would try to arrest a pregnant lady who thinks her husband may possibly be dead. Definitely, not a good idea.

As I approached the gate, I came to a sudden stop and rummaged through my glove department to find my badge. I grabbed it just as the guard approached my window. I rolled it down, then flashed the badge. He nodded as the gates swung open.

As soon as it was wide enough for Phoenix, I flew through and followed the curvy road to the office building. I parked, grabbed the keys, and took off into the building without waiting for Alex. However, as I waited for the elevator, he caught up.

"Come on!" I cry, pushing the second-floor button frantically. "Oh, dear, God!" I yell, running towards the stairs with Alex right behind me.

"Caroline, you're going to cause yourself to have a heart attack if you don't calm down!" I ignore the comment as I run into Logan's office. Katie jumps up as I approach her, breathing heavily.

"Caroline, goodness, sit down!" She says, pulling out her office chair.

"No time for that, what do you know?"

"Caroline, I am not telling you anything until you sit your butt in this chair." She adds sternly.

Getting more and more aggravated by the second, I reluctantly sit down. "Tell me, Katie, or I'll let someone else be the godmother!"

Her eyes go wide, "Really? I'm the godmother!"

"You won't be if you don't tell me what you know!"

"I'm waiting on a phone call from the General, he's supposed to call once they account for everyone."

"How long ago did he tell you that?"

"Right before you called me."

"That's all he said?"

"Yes, that's all."

My brain starts thinking of all the reasons why he didn't mention Logan to her. If he knew Logan was alright, he would have told her, but then again, Logan might not have been with him, so how would he have known?

After sitting there for what seemed like forever, Katie's phone began to ring. "General?" She answers... "Yes, she's here..." She pulls the phone away from her ear and hands it to me. "He wants to speak to you."

"Hello?"

"Caroline, I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, but I just arrived at the base hospital and accounted for my men."

"And?"

"Logan's alright, his unit was attacked earlier this morning, but he made it out. He has a few cuts and burns, but he's alright. The Doctors are checking him out right now. I asked him if he needed anything from me and he said to call you. So, I did exactly what he said."

"Thank you, General. Thank you."

"I promise, as soon as he's rested, I'll have him call you. Take care." I hang up and breathe a sigh of relief.

Thank God, he was okay.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

That evening, I could honestly say that I saw my life flash in front of my eyes. I wasn't the one in danger, but I couldn't imagine what Logan was feeling. He lost a lot of men and had even more injured. Would he blame himself? Or was he really more focused on making it out alone?

No, that wasn't Logan and I knew that. He would have tried to save his unit before himself, no matter what. When Katie had told me that it was Logan's unit, I was completely mortified. What were the chances that tragedy would strike my life again? And in the same way?

I didn't realize until after the phone call with the General, what Nick had told me in my dream. He was right, Logan would be okay, and I felt a little ashamed for not believing him. Not only that, but I had actually forgotten about the dream.

That was so unlike me to just forget about Nick, but in the moment, I was so worried about Logan, I had almost forgotten that I was pregnant. I guess adrenaline just kicked in and nothing else mattered. Still, I was ashamed of my actions and I couldn't even bear the thought of forgetting Nick, much less the human being inside me.

It's amazing what that kind of thing can do to a person...

After we heard the news, Katie insisted that I go home, since Logan would most likely call there first. Alex and I rode all the way home in silence. He didn't even so much as make a sound until I parked the car in the garage. "You really love him, don't you?" He mutters.

I look at him curiously, "What? Of course, why would I move here with him? Why would I have married him, if I didn't?"

"It's just that most people in my life only marry for wealth and power."

This kind of shocked me, but then again, considering how his mother used to be... "Well then, I feel very sorry for those people. They've never felt true love before, what a waste of life." I lock the car and walk into the house.

Helen was so relieved when I told her the news. She wished I would have gotten to talk to him, but I told her he would call when he was rested. Afterward, we all just sat around and waited. Everyone seemed to be getting antsy around midnight, but instead of waiting up all night, I told them that we all should go to bed. I would take the phone with me and if he called, I would wake them up.

Since I was so exhausted, I thought as soon as my head hit the pillow, I would be fast asleep, but it seemed as if I was wrong. I was exhausted, but my mind wouldn't rest. I keep watching the phone, hoping it would ring just any minute. It never did and after three hours of tossing and turning, I finally dozed off.

I slept pretty peacefully the rest of the night and woke up around seven. I checked the caller ID, just in case I had missed his call, and thank God, I hadn't.

I had a sudden urge to eat sour patch kids and peanut butter, so that's exactly what I did. "Such weird combinations," Alex says, walking into the kitchen.

"Don't question me." I add as Helen joins us.

"Caroline, are you sure you don't want me to fix you some eggs or something?" She asks, curiously.

"No, no, I'm just fine, thank you."

Breakfast was pretty quiet until, finally, the phone rang. I grabbed it in one swift motion and answered it before it could ring a second time. "Logan?"

"Hey, Care, I'm sorry I didn't call earlier."

"No, it's fine. How are you?" I ask as I put him on speaker so Alex and Helen would stop trying to steal the phone.

"Better than yesterday... Uh, the General wants to talk to you for a second." I hear the phone be taken away and then it's silent for a minute.

I hear a door close and finally the General answers. "Caroline, is anyone else with you?"

"Yeah, Logan's mom and brother, why?"

"Good, I want them to hear this as well... I'm afraid Logan was a little more hurt than I expected. Physically he'll heal, but emotionally, he's... Well, a lot of his best men died and he keeps telling me it's his fault. He took quite a blow out there and I think, in his current state, it would be best if he came home."

My eyes went wide and I couldn't help but smile a little. "Really? He's coming home?"

"Caroline, I realize you're excited, but please listen for a minute... I haven't told Logan yet and I'm afraid he won't take it well. I just wanted to warn you that he may not be the Logan you remember when he returns. He's been through a lot and I don't think keeping him here is a good idea. I don't want him to put his life on the line when he's clearly not physically and emotionally ready to return to battle."

"You think he'll develop post-traumatic stress?" Helen asks.

"Yes... I'm going to tell him he's going home now and I was hoping I could keep you on the phone until I do."

"Of course." I add as another door closes and I hear Logan again, "What was that about? Is she still there?"

"Yes, she's on speaker, I wanted her to stay on the line until I told you the news..." My heart begins to race a bit as Logan responds. "What news?"

"Logan, I'm sending you home."

"Home? What? Why? My unit, a lot of my guys made it! We can fight just like everyone else!"

"Captain, I'm sending the rest of your unit home. You are no longer needed in this fight. I am very certain that this war will be won. You need to go home and rest. Besides, you need to be there for Caroline, isn't that what you wanted?"

"Sir, I will not just leave. I can't just walk away, my job isn't complete!" I can tell by the tone of his voice that he was getting more and more aggravated by the second.

"Logan, please calm down..." I mutter.

"Captain, this is not a choice, it's an order. Your job is complete and besides, do you remember what you told me all those years ago when you met Caroline? You said you couldn't leave her, you promised Nick you would take care of her and that's exactly what you intended to do. Remember that? You're leaving on the first flight out. End of discussion. Caroline, I'll call you later and tell you all of the details. Take care." And with that, the phone was disconnected.

I was happy Logan was coming home, but after this, I was beginning to wonder about what the General had said... What if he's not the same Logan? He was definitely more upset than I had expected and that was something that terrified me... I didn't like it when Logan was angry, but right now, I just wanted him home. I wanted us to act like a normal family...

That was all I ever wanted.

To be normal...

### Chapter Six

After that, it didn't take long for the General to call back. He informed me that Logan had since calmed down and was more upset about the fact that I didn't get to talk to him afterward. But for right now, he was asleep.

The General had said that Logan would be arriving around noon the next day and that he would accompany him. I asked him some things about post-traumatic stress and he told me to do a little research in order to be more aware of Logan's condition. Yes, condition, the Doctor's had reason to believe that he was developing it...

Following the General's suggestion, I did a little research and turns out, the more I read, the more afraid I became. I read all kinds of signs and symptoms and like the General said, he could be a very different person when he returns. I knew that I had to be strong, for him and for me, but I also found that trying to help a loved one with PTSD could affect your health as well.

I read some comments and most of them had to do with their loved one becoming angry and violent, which was exactly what I was afraid of. I knew Logan would never hurt me on purpose, but like the General said, they can act totally different when they return.

This wasn't just about my health either, I also had to think of my baby. I was responsible for her too... "Caroline, I think Alex and I will stay here until you pick up Logan... We wouldn't want to overwhelm him. And if he doesn't want us here, we'll leave. I've heard about PTSD before and I don't want to upset him or anything." Helen adds as I head to the garage.

"It's fine, Helen, don't worry." I wanted to act as normal as possible, so I drove Crimson. I knew Logan would want to drive him and if he really was Logan, he would.

As I got closer to the airport, the more nervous I became. I knew I had to keep calm. If I was nervous around him, I was afraid it would upset him...

I parked in the pickup lane and went inside. I waited at the terminal for about thirty minutes before his plane arrived. Thankfully, it gave me time to get myself together as I tried to put the nervousness aside and just be happy that Logan was home again.

A few minutes after the plane landed, I saw the General come into view. I started toward him, but he told me to wait. Then I saw Logan.

At first, I thought I was in a dream, I just wanted to run to him and engulf him in a hug, but from the General's expression, I knew I shouldn't. I stood there until finally Logan's eyes met mine and we both smiled widely.

I couldn't stand there anymore, I had to run to him, I had been waiting for months for this. I actually kind of forgot that the General was still there...

Logan seemed excited and actually did hug me the way he always had. "Wow, Care, watch the baby bump." He laughs. Yeah, I might have forgotten how big it was, but hey, I was in the moment.

"Sorry! Julianna's starting to take up a lot of room, huh?" I ask, pulling away from him and placing a hand on my baby bump.

"Yes, she is, but still beautiful." He kisses me on the cheek, which was a little odd, but I didn't think much about it at the time.

"Well, I believe you all have some catching up to do, I'll check on you later, for now, I think my wife's waiting for me." The General adds and quickly blends into the crowd.

I turn back to Logan, "I just so happened to have drove Crimson today..." I add, holding up the keys.

He smiles a bit, "Well, I guess I could drive..." He takes the keys and we walk toward the car hand in hand.

So far, so good... He doesn't seem all that different...

Honestly, I wanted to believe that, but I knew at any minute all that could change and I was hoping and praying that it wouldn't. "So, when's your Doctor's appointment again?" He asks as we head out of the parking lot.

"Next Friday at one thirty."

He nods but doesn't say anything. He remains quiet until we pull up to the house. "I'm not going to walk into a surprise party or anything, am I? I appreciate the gesture, really I do, but I'm just not feeling it right now. Jet lag is not pleasant."

"No, no, I didn't think you would want company, but Helen and Alex are still here," I add, carefully watching his expression.

"When are they leaving?"

"Um, I don't think they've picked a date yet..."

"I'm surprised they've stayed this long." Logan locked the car as we entered the house. Alex and Helen were sitting in the kitchen. Neither of them jumped up to welcome Logan, instead, he went up and hugged Helen first.

"Hey, mom. Thanks for taking care of Caroline while I was gone..." He turned to Alex, "And thanks to you for keeping up with my gym equipment." Alex laughs at his remark as Logan turns to me. "Now, I know you want to show me everything you've gotten for the baby, but I think I'll sleep a bit first, then I promise, you have me all to yourself."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Oh, I know you will." He adds as he walks off into the bedroom and shuts the door. Helen and Alex look to me, "Well?"

"Well, what?" I ask.

"Well, is he as you remembered?" Alex asked.

"He seems to be fine so far..."

"So far..." Helen mutters.

I scowled at her for being so negative, but I knew she was right... He could change in an instant and I hated to say it, but I felt like I was just waiting for it to happen. I had analyzed everything he had said to me since he got off the plane and I was afraid I would be doing that for a long time.

I just wanted him to be Logan again, for us to move on with our life, but I knew he had been through a lot and I had to be there for him. He was my husband and the love of my life. I would always be there for him 'til death do us part.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Logan slept until the late evening and right before he woke up, Helen and Alex informed me that they had decided to go stay at a hotel for a few days. Now that Logan was back, they felt like they would be in the way. She said they would stay a little bit longer, in case I needed them, but then they would fly back to California.

I didn't realize how much I had gotten used to their company until the house fell quiet again. It was a little eerie at first, but when Logan got up, it completely slipped my mind...

"Where is everyone?" Logan asks, stumbling into the kitchen.

"They decided to stay at a hotel until they left. They wanted to give us time alone, I guess." I add casually, picking out a sour patch kid from the bright green bag. Logan watches me and grins. "What?" I ask.

"A part of me was really hoping you weren't serious about that..."

I shrug, "You should know I'm very serious when it comes to candy."

"So, shall we go see the nursery?"

"Nothing's really different, I was waiting until after the baby shower before I started decorating," I add, finally putting the bag of candy down.

"Still, I want to see the things you got with Katie." I nod as he follows me up the stairs and into the nursery. I walk over to the corner and pick up one of the bags.

"Katie found this," I smile handing him a couple of small towels with words embroidered in the center.

"Men who change diapers, change the world." He grins, "Must be a hint, huh?"

"Totally." I start handing him clothing items as he goes through them all.

He flips through each bag until he comes to a purple onesie and stops. "I'm cute, Mom's cute, Dad's lucky." He reads as a smirk comes across his face. "Yes, I am."

Finally! Finally, he kisses me on the lips and man! It felt just like it did the first time, electric. Then again, I'm sure my hormones heightened this, but still, I had been waiting on this for so long, I didn't want to let go.

But when the phone rang, I reluctantly pulled away. "I'll get it," I add, leaving the room and heading into the kitchen. I pick up the phone and check the caller ID, it's the General. "Hello?"

"Caroline, I'm sorry for calling, but I wanted to tell Logan something... How's he doing, by the way?"

"Well, he seems like Logan to me. He just woke up a few minutes ago, actually, we were just going through the nursery."

"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, this will only take a minute."

"It's fine, just a second." I turn on my heel and find Logan standing right behind me. Wonder if he heard all of that? "How'd you do that? I didn't even hear you come down?"

He shrugs as I hand him the phone. "Sir," He answers. "If you want to know how I'm doing, I suggest you just ask me directly. Now, what did you want to tell me?" Crap, he did hear... "When?" He asks suddenly. "We'll be there."

He places the phone back on the base as I ask, "Where are we going?"

"They're holding a ceremony tomorrow morning for the families of the soldiers..." He trails off as I turn around and begin washing some dishes, hoping he'll just forget about the phone call. "Caroline, I don't understand why you're acting so nervous around me... What did I do?" He asks carefully.

"I'm not nervous, Logan. I'm acting the way I always have..."

"No, you're not." His voice deepens a bit. "You will hardly look at me when I'm talking to you, like now, and you won't even get close to me. Ever since I got off the plane you keep studying me and for the first time in a very long time, I don't know what you're thinking. Why are you talking about me behind my back?"

My mouth drops open as I turn to him in awe. "I did not talk about you behind your back! The General asked me a simple question and I answered. What was so bad about that?"

His face begins to turn red and by that reaction, I know I shouldn't have raised my voice. "You believe him, don't you? You both think I'm going to develop some kind of disorder just because some of my men got killed! What do you think war is, Caroline! Lots of people get killed, it's part of the job! I'm not going to develop some stupid disorder just because of that! I think you're forgetting that I've been involved in the war before, I'm used to it! Why does everybody think I'm going crazy?" He reaches for the closest thing to him, which just so happens to be a flower vase, and throws it across the room.

I watch as it flies across the living room and hits the mantle of the fireplace, causing Nick's honorary flag to be knocked off, as its frame shatters into a million tiny pieces.

Time stood still in that very second. I watched as Logan realized what he had done. He turned to me as guilt flashed across his face. "I'm so sorry, Caroline! I didn't mean-"

"It's fine. It's just a frame." I add, walking over to the glass and reaching for the flag. It's still folded perfectly as I pick it up and dust it off.

Logan kneels next to me, "I really didn't mean to hit that, Caroline, I swear."

I stand up and walk away from him. "I told you, it's fine." I start to walk out into the garage as he runs after me.

"Where are you going? I'll clean it up."

"I'm just going to step outside for a bit, I'll be back." I raise the garage door and continue walking toward the back of the house. I can hear him, he's still following me. I stop abruptly, "Logan, please. Leave me be." I pick up the pace as I no longer hear him following me.

The tears begin to fall freely as I clutch the flag and continue walking. Once I feel like I'm far enough away, I sit down in the middle of the large field. I only walked about a half of a mile and I can still see the house behind me. I know Logan's probably watching me, but I don't care. I just turn back around and cry as hard as I can. I figured it was better to get all of my frustration out now than take it out on him later.

Truth was, I didn't know what was wrong with me. Ever since I had become pregnant, I didn't understand my body anymore and my emotions were so unusual, I never knew what I was feeling. Was I upset with Logan? Yes, but I knew that it was my fault for triggering his anger and as for my crying right now, I think I just wanted it all to go away. Why did this have to happen to Logan? Why right now?

How am I supposed to help him when I don't even know how to help myself?

The longer I sat there, the more I thought about what else could go wrong. Should I stay the night or stay with someone else? That question kept coming to my mind and every time it did, the more I cried.

For the first time in my life, I was actually scared of Logan...

What was I going to do?

### Chapter Seven

I sat there for about fifteen minutes before I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. It was a text message from Katie, asking how Logan was doing. I didn't bother to text back, instead, I just called. "Hey, so how's everything going?"

"If I ask you something, will you promise to be absolutely honest with me, no matter what?" I ask, taking a deep breath.

"Of course, Caroline, what's wrong? Have you been crying?"

"When we got home from the airport, Logan was tired and slept for a while. Helen and Alex went and got a hotel room earlier and decided to stay there until they fly back to California. So, when Logan got up, I told him where they went and he seemed fine. Actually, he wanted to go up to the nursery and see what we'd bought for the baby. As we were looking through the stuff, the phone rang, and I went downstairs to answer it. It was the General, he asked how Logan was doing and all I said was, 'He seems like Logan to me...' I swear, Katie, that's all I said! When I turned around, Logan was there and he got so angry with me, he told me that I was talking behind his back."

"What? Did he talk to the General?"

"Yeah, he wanted to tell Logan that they're having a ceremony tomorrow morning for the families of the soldiers that were killed."

"Did he say anything to him?"

"Yeah, he told him if he wanted to know how he was doing to ask him directly... After he got off the phone, Logan asked me why I seemed so nervous around him and asked if I believed he was developing PTSD. That's when he told me I was talking behind his back..."

"So, he just yelled at you?"

"Well, yeah... He kind of threw a flower vase across the living room and knocked Nick's honorary flag off the mantle..."

"Oh my, did it damage it?"

"Broke the frame, but the flag's fine. Here's my issue, I've been sitting outside for about twenty minutes now and I keep arguing with myself about whether or not I should go back in there..."

"Seriously, Caroline? If Logan was that angry, I wouldn't go back, especially by yourself. Who knows what he could do."

"I know, but I kind of feel like I was to blame for the incident... I might have raised my voice a little in the argument..."

"Good God, Caroline, you're pregnant! Of course, you're going to raise your voice! If he's going to start throwing things every time you get a little defensive, he'll break everything in your house by the time you give birth. He might even hurt you. Why don't you come stay with me tonight and give Logan time to calm down?"

"That's the problem. I have a hard time believing that he would ever hurt me. He kind of killed someone to save me once before, ya know?"

"Yes, but that was the old Logan... How do we know he's still there? Remember, you have to protect yourself and the baby now. You're responsible for her too."

"I know, Katie, you aren't making this any easier."

"I'm just trying to look out for you, that's all. I'll be waiting for you..." I slide the phone back into my pocket as I sit there, trying to get my thoughts together... I had to think about my baby right now... I had to do what was best for her.

Maybe, just for tonight, I should stay with Katie. What would it hurt? I mean, Logan needs time to himself and I don't think I would get any sleep tonight anyway...

Now, for the hard part. I stood up and dusted myself off as I headed back toward the house. How was I going to do this? I felt like I was betraying him... Betraying our marriage.

As I stepped into the house, everything seemed quiet. As I approached the bedroom, I heard a sound coming from the basement. Sounded like Logan was on the treadmill. I tiptoed through the house and went into my closet. I picked up a suitcase and started throwing some necessities inside. I also picked out an outfit for the ceremony tomorrow and some comfy shoes. I zipped up the bag and left the bedroom, only to find Logan sitting in the living room with his head in his hands.

When he heard me, he looked up with solemn eyes. "Where are you going?"

"Katie and I decided to have a sleepover tonight. We might even work on some nursery ideas..." I fake a smile.

He stands and walks over to me. "I scared you, didn't I? I'm sorry, I just, I don't know what came over me... As for the flag, I can pick up a new frame tomorrow from the base. It'll look just like new."

"It's not a big deal, it was just glass. I'll be at the ceremony tomorrow, alright?"

"Caroline, I don't want you to leave because of me. It won't happen again."

God, I wanted so badly to believe him. "It's just for tonight... If you want, I can get Alex to come over and you guys can watch some football?"

He turns away from me, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Care. I would have never gotten that angry with you. Maybe the General is right. Maybe I do have PTSD..."

I sigh. "Okay, I'll make a deal with you. I'll stay here tonight if you promise to talk to the General tomorrow about seeing a therapist, okay?"

He smiles a bit, "Really? You'll stay?"

"Only if you agree."

"Fine, I'll do it."

"Good."

We didn't stay up much longer, instead, we went to bed early and despite my fear, I enjoyed feeling Logan sleep next to me again. It didn't feel any different than before, other than my stomach seemed to keep us separated when we were facing each other.

I decided to flip over as Logan placed his arm around me and pulled me closer. I definitely missed this, and for a little while, all my fear faded away, as we both slept peacefully through the night.

The next morning, I woke up to Logan talking in his sleep. He was in a cold sweat and kept that saying he was sorry and he couldn't save them. Once I noticed the clock, I jumped out of bed and starting hollering at Logan. "Come on! We're going to be late!"

He sits up quickly as if he just realized he was asleep.

I watch him carefully, "Are you alright?"

He shakes his head quickly, almost as if trying to forget something, "Yeah, we're way behind." He gets up as we start rushing to get ready.

By the time we got in the car, we had about seven minutes to get to base before the ceremony started. Within minutes, we arrived. Logan flashed his ID at the gate and then drove frantically through the curvy roads.

Once we arrived at the memorial, Logan slid Crimson into the nearest empty spot and threw him into park. We got out and straightened our clothes as we walked toward the park, hand in hand. "Okay, that was definitely a record," I mutter.

"Totally."

Logan and I find two empty spots in the back as the General stands on the stage. He nods at us as we take our seats. "It is with the greatest of sympathy that I stand before you today. The army has lost many of its best men in the past few days and we will forever remember them as heroes. What happened was truly a tragedy but they died in the greatest of honors, fighting for their country. We couldn't have won this war without them and for that, the United States will forever thank them for their duty. May we all stand in a moment of silence for the loved ones lost." We all stand as the General and the rest of the Military personnel salute the flag.

"We will now pay our respects. Thank you." The General steps down as everyone lines up to walk by each casket. As the line begins to move, a song begins to play... It was the same song that was played in memory of Nick.

Logan looks down at me, "I'm fine."

After we get through the line, the General greets us. "I'm glad you all could make it."

"General, I was wondering if I could speak to you in private. It'll only take a minute." Logan asks.

"Of course." Logan looks back to me as I nod, "I'll be right here."

They walk away from the crowd as I turn around and stand in the back as a slideshow begins to play. There're tons of pictures of the soldiers and their families. It reminded me of Nick's, except this time I wasn't running away in tears. I just sat alone as everyone else cried and talked about the good times.

I felt the wind pick up as I suddenly felt calm. Nick was here.

"I guess all these soldiers are with you now," I mutter to myself. One puff of wind is my answer. Yes.

I twirl my wedding ring around my finger as I see the General and Logan come back into view. "Nick... Will Logan and I make it through this? Will the baby be alright?"

Yes.

One tiny tear escapes my eye as I stand. Logan looks to me curiously as the General speaks, "Logan and I have discussed it and I'm glad that you two have made this decision together. I've arranged for Logan to speak with a therapist this afternoon. I think it would be beneficial if you were there as well."

"Of course." I nod as I watch Logan look around him curiously.

"Wonderful, I'll see you then." He walks off as I face Logan, "What's wrong?"

His eyes meet mine, "Silly question, but were you talking to Nick?"

"Yeah, why?"

He smiles, "I felt him too... What did he say?"

"I asked him if the soldiers were with him now and he said yes."

"Good to know, buddy..." He mutters to himself. "So, what are we doing until my appointment?" He asks.

"Hmmm... Well, I was really wanting a peanut butter milkshake from Dairy Queen..." He smirks, "Well, at least it sounds normal this time. Let me tell you, the guys were definitely getting a kick out of your craving combinations."

"Well, I'm glad I could amuse them."'

This was Logan. This was the person I had been waiting to see since he left all those months ago and thank God, he was here. I just hope the therapy would help him...

Help us.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Logan and I had a lovely morning together. We, of course, stopped by Dairy Queen and got ourselves a milkshake, then we went back home and changed clothes. Afterward, we left again and decided to see a movie. I have to say, that was the best part of the day.

I missed days like this, just me and Logan, doing whatever we wanted, without interruption. The past few times we tried to see a movie, the General always called needing Logan at the base ASAP.

I knew it was his job, but he was my husband, I wanted alone time with him and sometimes, we had to skip our little date nights. But today was worth the wait and I think he enjoyed the day just as well as I did.

"Now, before we go in... I've heard about this kind of therapy before. I've had a few of my soldiers go through it and Caroline, this is no easy task. They're meant to break you and that's exactly what they'll do. But don't lie to them, tell them the truth and this will go a lot faster. I don't care whose feelings it hurts, just do it, alright?"

"Logan, I wasn't planning on lying, if this helps you... Helps us, then it's worth it."

"Good, then we agree. Now, come on. Let's get this over with. The guys always said the first one was the worst."

I chuckle, "Way to make me feel better, Logan."

"Well, I'm just being honest." He adds as we start to walk up to a large white building near the back of the base.

"Are you sure this is it?" I ask curiously.

Logan points to a sign as we approach the front door, Fort Lee Therapy Building, est. 1923.

As we enter the waiting area, we see the General sitting near the front desk. He stands to welcome us. "Right on time. I've already spoken with the therapists and right now, I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Wilson and Dr. French." A tall man around the age of forty is standing with a short, black haired woman around the same age. "Logan, you'll be talking with Dr. Wilson while Caroline talks with Dr. French. Once they feel like they've gotten to know you, we'll come together in a conference room as they discuss their findings."

I follow the lady down a long hallway and into an office. There're all kinds of pictures and paintings on the wall. "Caroline, very nice to meet you. The General thinks a lot of you and your husband." She smiles as we sit down.

"We think a lot of him as well."

"So, do you have any questions for me before we begin? Or are you ready?"

I don't hesitate, "I'm ready."

"Wonderful, now we have one rule. Be honest. That's all we ask. Now, why don't you tell me how you and Logan met?"

I take a deep breath as I begin, "Well, a few years ago, I was engaged to a soldier, Nick, who died in the war. Logan was his commanding officer and I met him at the funeral. It was then that he became my grief counselor..."

"Interesting... I was told by the General that you aren't from Virginia? How did you end up here?"

"I'm originally from Kentucky. There was one night that I called Logan in a panic. Nick's mother showed up at my house and she was trying to kill me..."

That definitely shocked her. "His mother didn't like you?"

"No, not at all... Ever since I met him in ninth grade, she always had it out for me, but when he died, she blamed me and tried to kill me. She had a gun and Logan killed her before she could get to me..."

"Well, it seems like you've lived through some very traumatic events, Caroline."

I nod, "I have and to this day, I really don't think I would have made it without Logan."

She smiles, "I certainly see why you fell in love with him, after all, he did save your life... So, you moved here right after the incident?"

"Yes. I moved on base with Logan, then I bought a house shortly after."

"And you two started dating during that time?"

I nod, "That was when Logan seemed to be very interested in me. We waited a while, though, I needed some time to heal from losing Nick."

"Of course. So, then you got married and I was told you two had your second anniversary right before Logan got shipped out again?"

"That's correct, that was the day that I told him I was pregnant."

She looks up from her clipboard, "Congratulations, by the way. Children are one of the many joys of this world."

"Do you have any?" I ask curiously.

"Oh, yes. Three, actually. Two girls and a boy... Alright, now, tell me how you felt when Logan left? Did you contact him in any way?"

"Absolutely, we wrote letters to each other almost every day. He always wanted to keep up with my pregnancy and I sent him pictures of my growing belly every week."

"Were you angry with him for leaving?"

Oh, the hard questions... "No, I wasn't angry, I was terrified. I was afraid that I would lose him like I did Nick... When I heard about the attack, I felt like a part of me was dead and when I found out that it was his unit, I panicked."

"Anyone would, there's always that saying, 'History repeats itself', but thank God, he made it back. Speaking of which, how did you feel when you talked to him? Heard that he was okay?"

"I was relieved, of course. I was so terrified to lose him and I didn't want this baby to be fatherless. I felt like Logan was my chance to have a soul mate, to be normal for the first time in my life."

She cocks an eyebrow. "You didn't feel that way with Nick?"

"He was my first love, but he wasn't Logan. They're different in ways that I can't explain..." I trail off.

"You felt like yourself with Logan?"

"Yes... When Nick died, I was at my worst. I was depressed, I lost Nick, all my wedding plans, and then his mother attempted to kill me... I mean, what else could go wrong? But Logan stuck with me, he made me realize that I was still alive and I should live my life the way Nick would have wanted."

"And when Logan came home yesterday, the General had warned you of his condition?"

"Yes, again, I was terrified that the Logan I knew wouldn't return."

"Did that change when he threw the vase? Where you afraid?"

"That was my fault. He was accusing me of things that I would never do and I raised my voice. That's when he got upset and I knew I shouldn't have, but when you're pregnant, you never know what'll come out of your mouth. I was actually afraid of him for the first time... I was afraid that he would hurt me or the baby."

She sighs, "Trust me, I know exactly what you mean. But don't blame yourself, you did the right thing. If you hadn't, we wouldn't be here today and who knows, Logan could have done much worse... So, what did you do when this event took place?"

"Logan knocked Nick's honorary flag off the mantle and broke the frame. I went over and picked up the flag, then I left. I went outside and sat in a field for a while. I kept arguing with myself, I didn't know whether to go back or not. I actually had plans to leave and sleep at a friend's house until I went back inside. Logan felt guilty and I didn't want to leave the first night he came home... I had been waiting for that moment for months. That's when we made a deal, I would stay if he came to therapy."

"That was a very smart thing to do. I advise you to do the same if this, God forbid, ever happens again. If you feel like you're in danger, leave. Give him time to cool off. Now, let's go see what Dr. Wilson has found... It was very nice talking to you, Caroline. You are a very strong woman." She shakes my hand as we head back down the long hallway.

She opens the second door on the right as we enter a large conference room. The General, Dr. Wilson, and Logan sit around a large table. She points to a chair across from Logan. I sit down as she sits beside Dr. Wilson.

I glance at Logan, but he doesn't meet my gaze. He seems very uneasy... The two Doctor's whisper amongst themselves for a few minutes as the General speaks up. "I think we should start with Dr. French."

She looks up and begins, "My time with Caroline was interesting. She's a very strong woman. I'm a therapist and even knowing a lot about depression, if I went through what she did, I don't think I could have made it. She seems perfect on the outside but I think deep down, she's very hurt. I don't believe she ever came to terms with Nick's passing and I think Logan's issue bothers her more than she says... She said something to me that I think you should hear," She looks to Logan, "She's not only afraid for herself, she's afraid for her baby."

Logan doesn't do anything. He doesn't look at me, he doesn't even look at her, he just stares at the middle of the table.

The General interrupts, "Dr. Wilson."

He sighs, "Honestly, General, I'm at a loss for words..."

What does that mean? "Well, what was your first impression?" The General asks, trying to get the conversation going.

"Honestly, I didn't think anything was wrong. But the more I talked with him, I just, I can't believe it. Out of all the people I've talked with over the last twenty years, I've never seen such issues. There's so much underneath the surface that no one else sees... He never got over the fact that his best friend died, he felt guilty that he took his fiancé, and he feels like everything that's happened to all the soldiers in his unit was his fault, he feels bad that he never got to know his dad, and he feels like he didn't keep his promise to Nick. He feels like he didn't take care of Caroline the way he wanted."

That was definitely a shock. He's taken good care of me, probably better than Nick ever would have... Why would he feel guilty for falling in love with me?

The General speaks up, "Now, we're going to leave the room for a bit and let you discuss these issues alone. We'll be right outside." They all leave the room as I hear the door shut behind them.

It stays quiet for a minute before I finally start the conversation, "Why would you feel guilty for loving me?"

His eyes quickly meet mine, "I never said that. I felt guilty because you were supposed to be Nick's wife, not mine."

The more he kept talking the more upset I began to get. "Logan, you were the one that proposed to me, remember? You're also the one that got all excited when I finally agreed to date you!"

"Caroline, that's not what I meant. I just felt like I was betraying Nick."

"And you don't think I didn't? Logan, he's dead. Remember what I told you at the bridge? He was happy you were there! He was happy that I married you!"

"Care, I don't think the wind is going to tell me what my dead best friend would have wanted... How do I know what he thought? You said it, he's dead."

"Yes, he is and I married you. If Nick hadn't have died, we wouldn't have met. And what about this promise? You've taken very good care of me."

"I left you. By yourself, while you were pregnant. That's totally taking care of you." He adds sarcastically.

"Logan, it was your freakin' job! Besides, I had Helen and Alex, and look at me, I'm fine! And you're back now."

He stands up and hits the table, making a loud noise as all the others come running in. The General and Dr. Wilson run to Logan's side. Dr. French tries to get me to leave the room, but I don't, not when Logan starts talking again. "How do you think it makes me feel when you're afraid of me? I used to be your go-to person. And now you're terrified of me. I would never hurt you or that baby and you know it!"

Dr. French butts in, "Logan, the way you're acting right now, how could she not be just a little afraid of you?"

He doesn't answer as I push past the Doctor and leave the room. I hear the General in the background, "Logan, you're not helping matters." I hear him groan as I walk out of the building.

I don't think any of this helped, as a matter of fact, I think all it did was make it worse. What was I going to do? After all, they said, I just don't know if I can take this anymore, it can't be healthy for me or the baby...

### Chapter Eight

After I left the conference room, I didn't know where to go or what to do. I knew I couldn't go home, I didn't even have my car. So, I did the only thing I could think of, call Katie. She happened to be working at the time, so I just walked over to the familiar building and went up to Logan's office. She was waiting for me and welcomed me with a hug. "The first session is always the worst, I'm sure it'll get better."

She pulls away as I try to stop crying long enough to speak, "Katie, he told the therapist that he felt guilty for not knowing his dad, for not taking care of me the way Nick would have wanted, for taking me away from Nick, and the worst part, for loving me."

"What? Taking care of you? He takes wonderful care of you! And how on earth could he take you away from Nick? He was dead!"

"I don't know... I just want to get out of here."

"Now that I can take care of. You can spend the night with me. The girls are at my mom's and my husband's out of town visiting family. It's just you and me, girl. Let's go." I followed Katie out of the building. I was so thankful to have a friend like her.

As we were walking to her car, we passed the therapy center, the General was outside talking to Logan, who still seemed upset. He saw me, but I refused to look at him, I just kept up with Katie as we finally reached her SUV.

We drove in silence all the way to her house, honestly, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to go someplace to think. When we arrived at the house, we went into the kitchen as she started throwing some dishes in the dishwasher. I sat down at the bar and watched her.

"Katie, you wouldn't happen to have any sour patch kids, would you?"

She smiles, "Kids love 'em, second drawer to the left." She points next to the sink. I get up and walk over, but when I stop, I begin to feel a little dizzy. I clutch the counter to steady myself as Katie watches me.

"Caroline? You alright?" She asks, walking toward me.

"Yeah, yeah, just a little dizzy is all." I grabbed the food from the drawer and started walking back to my seat...

I never made it back there, I got half way around the bar and the dizziness came back. I started blacking out when I heard Katie repeating my name. I felt my legs collapse as I fell to the floor. That was the last thing I remembered until I heard a strong male voice.

My eyes fluttered open as I looked around at my surroundings. I was at the hospital, specifically, the ER. A Doctor was standing over me. "Mrs. Cook, how do you feel?"

"Fine... What time is it?"

"Six PM, you blacked out at your friend's house. She called an ambulance and they brought you here not long ago. You're fine, for now, your blood pressure was considerably high and we've given you something to settle you down. We'll be keeping you overnight for observation since you're pregnant."

"What about the baby?"

"She's fine, good and healthy."

"She?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Had you not had an ultrasound yet?"

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't going to find out until Friday."

"Well, surprise! It's one hundred percent a girl. I'll check on you throughout the night but please take it easy. High blood pressure is very dangerous for your baby, so keep an eye on it. While you're here, we have you hooked up to a monitor, every time it beeps, it means your blood pressure is too high, so calm down, alright?"

"Will do."

He leaves as they wheel me upstairs to a room. That's when I see Katie. "Caroline, dear God, don't you ever do that to me again! You scared me to death!"

"Sorry, I kind of scared myself. Um, did you call Logan?" The monitor starts beeping loudly.

Katie glares, "Gez, all you do is say the man's name and you stress out. Calm down..." I take a few deep breathes and the monitor stops. "Anyway, no, actually I called the General a little while ago and told him, I'm guessing he told Logan. I was in no mood to speak to him." I knew what that meant, he would be here any minute and when I heard his voice in the hall, I was not surprised.

"Would you explain to him what's going on before he comes in here, please?" I ask as nicely as possible. I knew she didn't want to but she stepped out in the hallway as I heard her whispering quite angrily. A few minutes later she walked in with the General and Logan.

"How are we doing?" The General asks as Logan stays beside the door.

"I'll be fine, I guess I got a little upset..."

"Well, we'll just have to be careful from now on, won't we?" He smiles and looks back to Katie, nodding toward the door, "We'll leave you two alone..." He adds, giving Logan a warning glare as they shut the door.

Logan continues to stand by the door, uneasy. "Logan, I'm not a disease, you can come closer." He walks over and sits down in the chair next to the bed.

"So, you're fine, huh?" He asks looking at all the monitors behind the bed.

"Yes, they're just monitoring the baby and my blood pressure, that's all."

He nods, "Maybe we should talk about what happened..."

I shake my head, "Actually, I'd rather not, at least not right now... I'm very tired and honestly, I'd just like to sleep. But what I would really like is for my husband to come here and sleep with me." I scoot over a bit and pat the bed.

He smiles and slides in next to me, careful not to touch any of the wires. "I'm sorry, by the way. Really, really sorry..." He whispers into my hair.

"Don't want to talk about it right now..." I add, laying my head on his shoulder. His breathing calms as we lay there together. I feel like the real Logan has returned and for some reason, I'm no longer afraid...

I was almost asleep when I suddenly sat up, scaring poor Logan to death. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head, "Nothing, I just forgot to tell you something."

"What?"

"The ER Doctor had to do an ultrasound when I came in and he went ahead and told me what we were supposed to find out Friday..."

His eyes light up, "So?"

"Julianna Nicole."

He smiles as I lay back down in his arms. "Yep, I was right. I told you, the guys know what they're talking about... You were carrying high, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, go to sleep, Logan." I chuckle as we both doze off.

This was a moment that I wanted to last forever...

Despite the hospital atmosphere, everything just felt so right...

We felt like us again...

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

I woke up very few times during the night, but each time I did, it was due to the nurses coming in to check on me. As for Logan, he didn't seem to be bothered by them. He slept all night long without making a sound. There were a few times that I didn't go back to sleep right away, instead, I stayed up and watched him sleep for a bit... I felt safe in his arms again and I wanted it to stay like that forever.

Sadly, my little fairytale ended when Logan woke me up the next morning, "Mom and Alex are on their way up." He sits down in the chair again as I frown. "What? As much as I would love to sleep some more, I'd rather not get my mom started on the whole romance thing. Not something I want to hear from her, you know."

Okay, I'll live for a little while, I guess... "Goodness, Caroline, are you alright? You look so pale!" Helen asks, walking around the bed.

"Uh, thanks?" I add as Alex chuckles and sits down beside Logan.

"Oh, you know what I meant, dear. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. It wasn't a big deal."

She gasps, "Of course it was! Speaking of which, I think Alex and I should move back in so I can keep an eye on you." As soon as she says that, the monitor above me starts beeping like crazy.

Logan quickly stands, "Mom, can I speak to you a moment." She gives him a glare. "Now." He adds sternly as she follows him out the door.

Alex chuckles, "Man, I'd love to hear what he says to her."

"So would I." It only takes a minute before they return. They're both smiling as Logan takes his place again.

"Sorry, dear. I didn't mean to stress you. Um, Logan said you had something you wanted to tell me?"

I glance at Logan as he nods toward her, "Well, we found out the gender last night..."

"Well, which is it? Don't keep a grandmother waiting!" She says excitedly.

I take a dramatic pause. "It's a girl."

She smiles, "Oh my! Well, we have to pick a name!"

Logan speaks up, "Mom, we already have."

"Oh..."

Alex looks to me, "So, what's my lovely Niece's name?"

"Julianna Nicole."

"Was there a purpose to that name?" Helen asks, looking at Logan.

He nods, "Julianna, in memory of Julie and Nicole, in memory of Nick... We chose it months ago before I left."

"That's very nice..." She trails off as Alex stands.

"Well, I think we'd better get going, I'm sure you're in no mood for company and you should be released here shortly anyway.... Come on, mom." He says, opening the door for her as she reluctantly follows.

"Gez, now I understand why she drove you crazy," Logan adds once the door closes.

"She's not that bad..."

He chuckles, "Caroline, she's my mom, I know she's bad."

"Maybe a little..." A few minutes after they left, the Doctor came in and checked all the monitors. He said that it was safe for me to go home, but I had to control my temper. I needed to be calm and stay that way until closer to my due date.

After I signed all my release paperwork, I was free to go home. It felt nice to be outside again, even though I had only been in the hospital overnight. I absolutely hated hospitals and I hated being cooped up even more.

Logan never let me get even a step ahead of him as we made it to Crimson. After we pulled out of the parking lot, I remembered something that we needed to talk about. "So, you know a car seat is going to be really hard to fit in our little sports cars..."

He smirks, "I know." I cock an eyebrow. "Here in a month or so, I'm going to trade Crimson in for an SUV."

"What? No. I'm going to trade Phoenix in."

He glances at me sharply, then focuses on the road. "Care, you're obsessed with that car, I'm not going to let you get rid of it."

"I'm the mother, I'm the one that's supposed to drive a minivan, you know, except I'm totally not the minivan type... Nope, I was thinking more along the lines of a GMC Yukon or a Toyota Sequoia."

"Thinkin' big, huh... We'll talk about it later." He changes the subject. "So, now that we know it's a girl, looks like I'll be spending some time in the nursery, eh?"

"Well, actually, I think we should go on a little shopping trip tomorrow... I need to look at some paint colors..."

"I knew that was coming." He smiles as we pull into the garage. He unlocks the door as I sit down on the couch. He throws his keys on the counter and sits down next to me.

"So, we're eventually going to have to talk about what happened yesterday. The General says it'll be good for us."

I sigh loudly, knowing we'll have to get it over with sooner or later. "Go on."

"Everything I said was the truth, but the way Dr. Wilson explained it, wasn't the way I had meant it. I felt bad after Nick died, I always felt like I could have saved him, but I realized that his injuries were too severe. No one could have saved him. After we moved here, I did feel a little guilty for having feelings for you, at first, but I couldn't help that, I had heard Nick talk so much about you, I felt like I was stealing you away from him. But after I got to know you more, I realized what Nick meant. He wanted me to take care of you and in order to do that, I guess he really did want me to marry you. You see, Dr. Wilson explained a lot of the things that I felt guilty for in the past, not the things I do now. I would never feel guilty for loving you, Care."

Now, I felt guilty for even thinking such a thing. "Maybe instead of having the therapists speak for us, we should just speak for ourselves."

"Agreed."

"So, what do you say we make today a movie marathon and cuddle fest?" I ask, smiling sheepishly.

He chuckles, "What is up with you lately? You don't usually like all that."

"One word." Dramatic pause. "Hormones."

Logan's Point of View

Guilty [ giltē ]

1. To blame or feel responsible for a specified wrongdoing.

I told Caroline the truth, I didn't feel guilty for loving her, not anymore. But what I didn't talk about was my soldiers. I felt horrible for their families. I shouldn't have given them an order to move forward when I had a bad feeling. I didn't see or hear anything, so my first instinct was to continue ahead. Why didn't I listen to my gut? I could have saved a lot of lives if I had.

I have yet to talk to Care about it and I don't want to. I just got her back, she's calm, and I don't want her to risk losing Julianna just to try to save my guilty conscience. I'm a Captain, I knew when I took the job that it wouldn't be any easier losing a member of my team than it was before. Losing a life is hard for everyone, but when you call the shots, you hold their life in your hands.

I try not to think about it, I try to keep focused on Caroline and the baby, but sometimes, it just doesn't seem to work. Everything I look at seems to remind me of someone I was responsible for... Someone that died right before my eyes. How could I ever go back to work? How could I face the ones that made it and never even flinch at the sound of their names? I'm supposed to be their leader, but how can I do that when I can't even control my temper around my wife...

"Logan, are you alright?" Caroline asks as she sits a plate of pancakes on the bar.

I snap out of my daydream, "Yep, just fine... Well, you added blueberries." I smile as she looks at me curiously, "Yeah, you asked me to fix blueberry pancakes this morning, remember?"

"Oh, yeah... Sorry, just forgot."

"Logan, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, Care, I'm fine. Just daydreaming was all."

She smirks, "Yeah, daydreaming about that nursery, I'll bet."

"Speaking of that, when are we going to look at paint colors?"

"As soon as you finish eating." She picks up her iPad and flips through some pictures. "I want it to match this." She turns it around and shows me a picture of a nursery. It's a Cinderella themed room, decorated in white and pale pink.

"So, which do you think?"

"Well, I think we should go with white, it should only take one coat since the room's just painted light blue." She explains. Sounds just like Care, overanalyzing things.

"Fine with me," I smile as I finish up my pancakes. Afterward, we get ready and head out to the store. On the way there, Care speaks up, "Now, remember, tomorrow I have a Doctor's appointment and Saturday, Katie's throwing us a baby shower."

"This Saturday?" She nods. "Well, I'll be sure and hang out with Alex or something. When does it start?" She looks at me, quite upset. "What?"

"Logan, you're going to the baby shower." She says sternly.

"But don't most Dad-to-be's go somewhere else?"

"Most, but not you. I want you to be there, it isn't going to be like overly girly, I promise, I just think we should open gifts together. It'll be fun."

"Alright then, I'll be there." It couldn't be too bad, right?

I dismiss the thought from my head as we pull into the parking lot. "So, when are we going to buy the furniture for the nursery?" I ask as we walk into the store hand in hand.

"Maybe next week? I wanted to see what we got out of the baby shower before I bought anything else." We continue through a long aisle until we stop at the back of the store.

"Are you sure you want plain white?" I ask again.

She assures me, "Positive."

"Alright." I put three gallons of white paint in the buggy along with some masking tape, paint brushes, a roller kit, and some plastic for the floor. When I turn back around, Care's gone. I head back down the aisles and find her near the baby décor. "Isn't that perfect?" She asks looking at a bumper set for the crib. It's pale pink with a border of Cinderella. It looks just like the one in the picture she showed me.

"That looks just like-"

She cuts me off, "I know! So weird! Anyway, did you get everything you needed?"

"Yep, why don't you go get in the car while I check out?" I hand her the keys as she walks off. I throw the set into the buggy, knowing that it would be a wonderful gift for Caroline later.

It doesn't take me long to check out and within forty-five minutes of leaving the house, we're already back. I make Care unlock the door as I quickly grab all the bags and shut the trunk, hiding her present. When we get inside, she runs off into the bedroom. "What are you doing?"

"Finding something to paint in."

"You're going to help me paint?"

"Yeah, I couldn't let you have all the fun." I roll my eyes as I go upstairs and sit everything down. I go ahead and spread out the plastic on the floor before I head back downstairs. I pass Caroline on the way, who's now wearing an old t-shirt and some ripped up jeans, not that I'm complaining, of course.

She smiles as she passes me. I quickly change before meeting her upstairs. When I opened the door, I was quite surprised. She had already taped off the baseboards and had just started painting. "Well, aren't you little Miss Independent?"

She chuckles, "I learned." I grab my paint brush and start on the opposite wall. "So, when do you think we'll be finished?"

I shrug, "Don't know. If we work a couple hours tonight, maybe tomorrow evening."

We work in silence for a bit until Care gives me a crooked smile, "I think you need to go look in the mirror."

I immediately look at my hands, "Did I get paint on myself?"

She walks over, "Yep, right there." She dips her pointer finger in paint and swipes it across my face. I chuckle, "Oh no, you didn't..."

She smiles, "Oh yes, I did."

"Well, Mrs. Cook, two can play that game..." I stick my brush into the paint as she starts running in a circle around the room.

"No, Logan! No paint on the pregnant lady!" She laughs.

"I don't think Julianna would mind!" I catch up and paint a straight line down her arm. "You're lucky it was just your arm."

She chuckles and splashes paint all over me. "Oh, it's on!"

I have to say, that was the most fun I've had in a long time. Just me and Caroline acting silly. We might have wasted an entire gallon of paint in the process, but it was totally worth it. That moment with her, it was something that I had missed for a long time and I never wanted it to end.

### Chapter Nine

Logan and I got half of the nursery painted yesterday and he says he can finish the rest this evening. My plan was to have it all painted before the baby shower takes place tomorrow and he promises that it'll be right on time. Once I figure out what I've got, after the shower, I can go buy everything else and that is one thing I'm really excited about.

I've always loved shopping, but it seems I love it even more when it's for Julianna. I'm almost five months pregnant and it seems like the next four months will take forever to get here. I can't wait for her to arrive and I know Logan feels the same way.

He seemed more like himself yesterday, he seemed genuinely happy. Every time I talked about Julianna, his eyes would light up. I know we have a lot to go through before the baby gets here and I know the disorder doesn't just disappear all at once, I wish it did, but it doesn't and it's just something we'll have to work through one day at a time.

But I have to say, yesterday was one of the best days I've had since he came home. He was joking around and we had so much fun painting the nursery, it was just unbelievable. I loved that side of Logan, I missed it...

"I talked to Mom, she said their flight was leaving shortly and she wouldn't be able to make it to the Doctor's appointment, she said she was sorry, but she would keep in touch," Logan says walking into the bedroom.

"Hmmm, that's odd... She seemed so excited when I asked her to go."

"I think you might have scared her at the hospital with the monitors, you know."

I roll my eyes, "She was the one that made them go off in the first place."

"I know, I know." I hear a honking noise from outside as Logan and I head to the front of the house and look out the window. Katie's Four Runner is sitting in the driveway.

"Time to go," I add as Logan grabs his keys off the counter. We walk out into the garage as I raise the door. I walk over to Katie's SUV as she rolls down the window, grinning.

"You ready to go, girly?" She asks, excitedly.

"You know it."

"Now, once we get out of there, don't be surprised if I leave in a hurry. I have a lot to do for this baby shower, you know."

I smirk, "I know and I'm very excited to see what you've done."

"You following us?" Logan asks, pulling Crimson out of the garage.

"Yep, lead the way." I get into the passenger's side beside of Logan as we head out of the subdivision with Katie following close behind. "Did you get anything out of her?"

I shake my head, "Nope, all she said was for us not to be surprised if she left in a hurry after the appointment. Apparently, she has a lot left to do."

"She always tends to do things at the last minute." He adds as we continue through town. Within ten minutes or so, we arrive at the office building. By the time we get on the right floor, we have five minutes to spare. Logan and Katie sit down in the corner of the waiting room as I sign in. The receptionist assures me that it should only be a few minutes as they had a few patients cancel at the last minute.

I sit down in between Logan and Katie as Katie starts flipping through magazines. "Oh, look at that! Isn't that the cutest thing you ever did see?" She points to a purple onesie with 'My Daddy defends our Freedom, what's your Daddy's superpower?' engraved in the center.

I nod, "That is adorable." Logan looks over, "We have to have that."

After a few more minutes of looking through magazines, the nurse calls my name. She checks all my vitals and they seem to be really good. The only thing I wasn't too keen on was that I had gained almost twenty-two pounds, but I kept telling myself that was just a part of the pregnancy.

I was told that I didn't have to change, this time, they were just going to do an ultrasound, so it wouldn't take long. I laid down on the bed as the Doctor came in. "Good afternoon, Caroline, so glad to see you again. And who do we have here?" Dr. Salins shakes everyone's hands.

"This is my husband, Logan and my best friend, Katie."

"Well, it's nice to meet you both." She looks down at my chart, "I see here that you were admitted to the hospital a few days ago for high blood pressure. Is that correct?" I nod. "Well, your blood pressure seems to be very good today. Just make sure you keep an eye on it and if you feel dizzy, be sure to sit down... Now, let's take a look at this baby." She pulls the monitor around the bed and picks up a white bottle. "Now, this is going to be cold." She spreads the gel across my stomach and picks up the wand. "So, have you had any aches or pains lately? Any movement?"

I shake my head, "No, not really. The dizziness is all I've encountered so far."

She moves the wand around, "I'm guessing the ER Doctor already told you the gender, right? They never let me give the news." She smiles.

"Yeah, he said it was a girl."

"He would be right. Have you picked out a name?"

I nod. "Julianna Nicole."

"Very pretty... The baby looks very healthy. You're five months now, so you should start experiencing some movement very soon. You'll also begin putting on weight a little more rapidly as Julianna does as well. You'll probably start feeling a little tired and back pain will become frequent. You may experience shortness of breath, but it's nothing to be concerned about. Let's take a listen at the baby's heartbeat before we go." She presses a few buttons on the computer and then turns the monitors up. "Here she is."

First, I hear a static noise, but then a very strong, steady heartbeat. It was a very surreal feeling, being able to hear her. It made me realize that she was really growing and before long, she would be here. I would be able to hold her, to bring her home. The more I thought about it, the more excited I became.

"Sounds perfect, doesn't it?" She says, wiping my stomach off with a white cloth. "So, any questions for me?" She asks.

I shake my head, "Not really, no."

"Wonderful, I'll see you in a few weeks." She smiles as we head toward the front desk. "Well, I've got to run, I'll see you both at my house tomorrow at one 'o clock, don't be late!" Katie adds sternly and quickly disappears.

"I'd love to know what she's up to," I mutter as the secretary plugs all my new information into the computer.

"Alright, we'll see you back in about six weeks." She hands me an appointment card then Logan and I head for the car.

"Julianna's heartbeat sounded strong, do you know what that means?" Logan asks as he opens the door for me.

"That she's healthy?"

"Well, yeah, but it also means she'll be a fighter, just like her mom."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

"Right on time! Thank God!" Katie squeals as Logan and I get out of the car and follow her up the sidewalk to her house. "Now, before you go in, I want you," She looks at me, "To close your eyes. I want this to be a surprise."

I smile as I do as I'm told. I've been waiting for this day for a long time! I'm sure Katie's done a wonderful job with the shower and I can't wait to see it! "Alright, step forward a little bit." She says as she guides me through the door. I walk a few more steps before she stops me. I hear some shuffling before she speaks again. "Alright, open."

I don't hesitate for a second after she says that. "Surprise!" I look around at my surroundings, trying to take everything in. There's at least thirty people here, some people I don't even recognize. I scan over their faces, trying to find someone I know... I see Andrea, my old realtor, and the General's wife. "Now, I know you don't know a lot of these people, but they know you. They wanted to be here for the party. Some of them worked at the base and knew Nick very well, some of them are soldiers and are part of Logan's unit."

"I don't even know what to say..."

"Well, go look around." Katie pushes Logan and I forward as I look around at the décor. Everything is pink, of course, but it has a certain modern feel to it. There's a long table up front with all kinds of goodies like cupcakes, cookies, cake pops, and even strawberry milk. Next to that, there's a centerpiece made of cupcakes designed to look like a dress with Julianna written in the center. After that, there's another long table with all kinds of presents. Logan's eyes light up as he sees a tower of diapers. "Now, that, I like." He says as everyone else laughs.

I come to the end of the array of tables as Katie waits at the end. "You did a fantastic job, girl! Thanks!" I hug her as she quickly pulls away, "You're welcome, but why don't you open this..." She hands me a small box with a little pink bow. I pull the cover off and find a CD inside. On the cover it says, Julianna's Jams, with a picture of my sonogram underneath. "What 's this?"

"After you guys left the Doctor's office yesterday, I stopped back by and got a copy of your sonogram. So now, you can do this..." She puts the disk into a CD player and presses play. A loud heartbeat plays. Logan smiles, "You just thought of everything, didn't you?"

"I'm good at what I do." She chuckles as she announces, "Let's get this show on the road!" Everyone forms a line for the food as Katie places a piece of fabric over my head. I look down and see a sash, it reads Mommy-To-Be. I roll my eyes as she looks to Logan, "Now, I know Caroline pretty much forced you to come and I didn't think you would want to hang out with a bunch of ladies all day, so..." The side door opens as a bunch of guys in army t-shirts come walking in. "I told the ladies to bring their husbands."

He shakes his head, "Katie, you're something else." He walks toward them as they salute him. "Hey, boss." They add as Katie pulls me away and ushers me to the front of the room. "This is your spot." I sit down in a huge, comfy, pink chair.

Everyone mingles with one another and soon, it's time for games. Honestly, I don't know how Katie came up with all this, she had to spend a lot of time on it. We played bottle chugging, where everyone gets a bottle filled with water and whoever drinks the liquid the fastest, without cheating, gets a door prize. Then we played Play-Doh babies, birthday card time capsules, and worked a personalized crossword puzzle.

"Now, for the last game..." Katie announces standing beside me. "We're going to play Daddy Knows Best! Now, I'm going to sit Logan and Caroline back to back. I'm going to give Caroline a dry erase board and when I ask a question, she'll write her answer on there. Then I'll ask Logan the same question. We'll see how well Daddy knows Mommy! Let's see how many questions Logan gets right. In front of you, is a blank card, right your name and the amount of questions, out of four, you think Logan will get correct. Whoever gets the closest will win a prize." After they finish, she collects them all in a bucket and sits it up front.

"Alright, Logan, get up here." She adds and places two chairs back to back. She hands me the board and a marker as she starts with the first question. "Caroline, describe Logan in one word." I quickly scribble on the board as she turns to Logan. "What do you think her answer will be?" She asks as he hesitates...

"She says it all the time, strong-willed."

"Caroline?" Katie asks as I turn my board around. "Yeah, you got it!" Everyone claps as she reads the next question. "Logan, describe Caroline in one word." I think a moment before writing down my answer.

"Perfect." He adds as I grin and turn my board around. "Unbelievable." Katie mutters as I turn and give Logan a quick kiss before returning to my place.

Katie turns to everyone, "I really am trying to stump them... Uh, Logan, if Caroline could go anywhere she wanted, right now, where would she go and who would she take?" I scribble my answer down.

"That's easy, she would take me and we would go to the beach house."

I smirk as I turn around, revealing what I wrote. "I swear, this is the last question, there's no way he can remember this." Katie laughs, "When, where, and what time did you first see Caroline. Include the date." I didn't hesitate with my answer as he replies.

"June 14th, 2011, it was a Thursday, I believe, and it was at the airport around noon."

"Caroline?" She reads what I wrote as she shakes her head. "Apparently Daddy knows Mommy really well." She adds as everyone laughs. We turn our chairs around as we prepare to open gifts.

"Nice job, Mrs. Cook." Logan mutters.

"Not too shabby, Mr. Cook."

I have to say, Katie did such a good job with the baby shower and Logan and I were so blessed to have so many people show up. We had so many wonderful friends and everything we received was a blessing in itself. We got bottles, bibs, pacifiers, a mini bath tub, diaper bag, all kinds of clothes, shoes, socks, diapers, and even a bassinet and swing.

The last thing I opened, did catch me by surprise, it was five large boxes, all from the same person... There was a note on top, it read:

Caroline and Logan,

I'm so sorry I couldn't be there, but I left my presents with Katie. I hope you like them, I can't wait to see the nursery when I come back! I'm sure it'll be lovely.

Caroline, take good care of Julianna. Logan, take care of Caroline.

With Love,

Helen

Inside those five boxes was a crib, changing table, dresser, car seat, and stroller. It was the same ones that I had picked out in a magazine not long ago. The furniture was painted white and the car seat and stroller were in pink floral.

I was so grateful for these gifts and I wished that Helen and Alex could have stayed with us a little longer. To say the least, the baby shower was a huge success, I still couldn't believe all the stuff we had gotten and I had to say, I don't think Logan realized it until he was lugging it all up the stairs.

### Chapter Ten

Horror. Complete horror.

That's exactly what the nursery looks like at this exact moment. Boxes are shoved in the corner, bags and bags of clothes piled on top of them, and random objects sitting in the middle of the room. I know Logan was tired after the baby shower, but could he have at least organized it a bit? Just a little?

Well, I guess it'll be my little adventure. I start going through the bags and getting out the clothes. I sit down on the floor and start organizing by color and size. Weird, I know, but I like everything to be neat and tidy.

After sitting alone in complete silence, I hear some movement downstairs. Logan must be awake. I can hear him talking, but I can't make out what he's saying. Soon, he walks up the stairs and steps in the doorway. "What on earth are you doing?"

I smile, "Organizing. Who were you talking to?"

"The General called, he wanted to know if I wanted to come into work tomorrow..." I glance up at him, curious to know what his answer was. "I told him that I would call him back later after I had spoken with you..."

"Spoken to me about what?"

"Do you think I should go back? I mean, would you be okay by yourself? I would work my normal hours like I always did, and we could eat lunch together?"

"I can't make a decision for you, Logan. If you think you're ready, go."

"But will you be alright by yourself?" He asks again.

"Logan, I'm pregnant, not helpless."

He smiles, "Point taken... So, want me to put the furniture together today? Then you can do whatever you want."

"I was kind of hoping you would say that."

Without another word, he walks over to the large white box that's currently housing the crib. He tears off the tape and rummages around inside, pulling out several bags filled with nuts, bolts, and screws. I try to hide my smile as he pulls out eight large pieces of wood. There're holes at the end of each piece as he looks at the bags again. "Now, why would they give you all this just to put a crib together?" He mutters.

"You mean the big bad army man can't even put together a simple crib? I'm shocked!" I laugh as he glares at me.

"Funny, real funny. I just need to go get my toolbox, don't move!" He walks out the door as I mutter to myself, "Don't worry, I don't think I could get up if I wanted to..."

He steps back in the door, "You really can't, can you?"

I shake my head, "Nope..." He smiles as he walks over and holds out his hand. I take it as he pulls me up. "Why thank you, dear. Now, go find your tools." He heads down the stairs as I walk across the hall and into the office. I roll a chair back across the hall and into the nursery. I position it in the corner and take a seat.

When Logan comes back up with his toolbox in hand, he chuckles, "Nice thinking... Maybe I should put the rocking chair together first. Seems like you'll be needing that if you're going to work in here by yourself, Mrs. I'm-Pregnant-Not-Helpless."

"Just put the crib together, huh?"

Logan worked on the crib for almost an hour until he finally decided to read the directions. After he did that, it only took him about fifteen minutes to complete it. It's amazing what you can do when you read a tiny little piece of paper, isn't it?

After that little project, it only took him about two and a half hours to put the dresser, changing table, and rocking chair together. And I must admit, I called Katie soon after, to thank her for that amazing rocking chair! It was so comfortable, I swear I could sleep in it for a week and never complain once.

Around three 'o clock, Logan finally called the General back and told him he would be at work tomorrow. I was happy for him, he needed to get back into his normal routine, but I was a little sad that he would be gone most of the day again. I enjoyed having him home with me all the time, but I knew it was best for him this way.

Once Logan got off the phone with the General, he came into the bedroom where I was and laid down with me. Working in the nursery all day had really worn me out and I realized what the Doctor had said was starting to come true. I was getting tired much quicker than I used to and I felt like all my energy had been drained away.

"So, was he happy to hear the news?" I ask and turn to Logan.

"Oh, yeah... He also wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come into work with me tomorrow? He said he wanted to ask you something in person?"

"Hmmm. Do you know what it is?"

He shakes his head, "Not a clue."

Now _that_ got me curious... Was it something about Logan? Did he want me to stick around for awhile to make sure he could handle everything?

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not a big deal... I see those gears turning, so don't worry about it." He urges.

"Whatever you say, Captain."

I was almost asleep when I felt an odd sensation in my stomach. It kind of felt like a twitch or maybe like butterflies? As it continued, I soon realized what it was... "Logan!" I squeal as his eyes quickly open. "What?"

"Look!" I reach for his hand and place it on my tummy. Within a moment, it starts again. "Feel that?" He looks up, baffled.

"She's moving?" He asks, smiling.

I nod, "I've never felt that before."

We laid there in awe as Julianna continued to move a little more for about five minutes or so. It was such a wonderful feeling to actually feel her move inside me. She was really there, alive and well, just moving around, waiting to arrive into the world.

This had me even more excited for her to make her appearance and I know Logan felt the same way... That night, he slept with his hand on my stomach. I asked him why and he said he was afraid he would miss it if she moved again.

He'll be a great dad, I just know it.

Julianna will be Daddy's little Princess.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

The next morning, it was a little odd getting up to our old alarm clock again. I got up about half an hour before Logan and fixed breakfast. After that, I woke him up, we ate and got ready to leave. I have to admit, I liked our little routine and was surprised that I had missed it so much over the past few months. I didn't realize what a privilege everyday life was until Logan left...

Logan and I drove separately to Fort Lee. I didn't know what the General wanted, but I just figured that it wouldn't take all day and I would need to leave before Logan got off work... When we arrived, I followed Logan up to his office and met Katie.

"The General told me you'd be following along today. So, how's that nursery coming?" She asks as I take a seat in front of her desk.

"Just fine. Logan finished putting all the furniture together yesterday, so I can start decorating. I was actually planning on doing that today until the General called... Do you know what he wanted?"

"No idea." She answers as I hear a door open behind me. The General walks in smiling. "Good morning, nice to see you all made it. If you have a few minutes, I would like to speak with you and Logan alone."

I follow Logan into his office with the General close behind. Logan takes a seat behind his desk as the General and I sit in front. "So, what's the big question?" Logan asks.

"It's more for Caroline, but I wanted you to hear it as well... As you know, many of the soldiers we lost had families that live here on base. Since the incident, I've talked with each of them and informed them that they can stay here until they get on their feet... Some of them are dealing with everything on their own, but a few of them are having a rough time and need some guidance..."

"Like a grief counselor?" Logan asks.

The General nods, "Somewhat, but they need more than that. They need someone who's been there before, someone who really knows what they're going through. They're three women, in particular, that really, really need help. Two of them lost their husband, one of them lost their fiancé... I've tried to get them to go to therapy, but they refuse. They say no therapist could ever know what they're feeling..."

"So, what's your question?" I ask, really wanting to get to the point.

"Caroline, I think you would be a great friend to these ladies. You've been there, you know what it's like... I think you should meet with them a few times a week and let them get to know you. Maybe you can help them."

Okay, this definitely caught me off guard... He wants me to basically act like a therapist and ask them how they feel? "General, I don't think that's a good idea. They won't listen to me. You're right, I know what it feels like, and I know they'll just push me away. That's exactly what I did to Logan."

"At first, you did. But as I do recall, you told me that Logan became your friend. He didn't judge you, he let you speak your mind. Isn't that right?" He looks to Logan.

"He's got a point, Care."

"You agree with him?" I ask, curiously.

"I think it's a good idea..."

"Look, I'll give you a few minutes to discuss it, alright? I'll be right outside." The General leaves the room as I look back to Logan, "They won't listen to me."

"How do you know until you try? You got on my last nerve when I first met you. I was ready to give up on you, but for some reason, I didn't. What if I had, Care? Where would we be now?"

"That's different."

"Is it? You just wanted someone to listen to you. To be your friend. What do you think they want? Right now, they think their life is over. No one's there for them, no one wants to sit and listen to what they have to say. Who knows? Maybe they're just like you. Maybe he was all they had. Maybe their family doesn't have anything to do with them, maybe they don't have any friends."

"I hate it when you play the guilt trick..." I mutter.

He smiles, "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Care, I'm trying to get you to think. I'm going to tell you what you told me. I'm not going to make a decision for you, you are your own person. Just think before you speak. What would make you happy? What would Nick want you to do, if he were here?"

I groan, "You just had to pull that one, didn't you, Logan. You know what he'd say!" He smiles as I get up and walk out the door, with him close behind. The General looks up, quite alarmed. "Fine. I'll do it. But can you tell them something before I meet them?"

He smiles, "Anything."

"Tell 'em, I'm five months pregnant and I'm tired and cranky... Oh, and be sure to mention that I can't be stressed! Lord only knows what we'd all do if I were to be put in the hospital again!" They all chuckle. "This is not funny!"

Logan steps forward, smiling. "Honey, I think you may be overreacting, just a tad..."

"Really, I didn't notice." I add sarcastically.

Logan looks back to the General, "The cafeteria wouldn't happen to have anything sugary this early in the morning, would they?"

"They might have some ice cream left over from yesterday, why?"

He turns back to me, "I think we should go get some, what do you say?"

I perk up, "Really? I like that idea." I add, sweetly.

"The joys of hormones... Good thing is, with her, you just got to find some sugar and all is well. I'll be back shortly, General."

"Don't rush, Katie can handle it for a while." The General laughs as Logan and I head out of the office building.

"I'm turning into a hormonal monster, aren't I?" I ask as Logan chuckles.

"No, you're not a monster. Hormonal? Yeah. Monster? No. Hey, at least all you need is sugar. Some of the guys were talking about their wives needing crazy television shows, anime movies, and even blueberry snow cones. At least you're not that picky."

"That's true... Logan, do you think I can help them?"

He doesn't answer right away... "Care, I think if anyone can, you can."

That made me feel a little better, but I still felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. What if I couldn't help them? I could have their lives in my hands. This was going to be a challenge, but the question still remained...

Would I succeed?

### Chapter Eleven

That afternoon, I was informed to stay with Logan until the General called Katie. I tried not to bug him, it was his first day back, so instead, I followed Katie around. And by follow, I mean walk from her desk to Logan's door and back. Yep, that's pretty much it... She has such an exciting job, let me tell you...

Around one, the phone finally rang, "It's him." Katie adds before she answers. "Good Afternoon, General... She's right here... Alrighty... Will do, bye." She places the phone back on the base before she speaks, "The General wants you to go over to the Therapy Building... He'll be waiting for you."

After she finished, Logan stepped out. "Leaving?" He asks.

"Going to have my meeting, I think..." I add, nervously.

"You'll be fine, Care." He gives me a quick kiss before I head out the door. "When it's over, come back here before you go home." He adds as I shut the door and exit the office. When I come up on the Therapy Building, I see the General waiting by the entry. I mutter a prayer under my breath before walking up to him. "Are they in there?" I ask.

He nods, "Yes, but don't worry, I've spoken to them and they've agreed to listen to your story. Then, if they feel comfortable, they'll tell you there's."

"Simple enough." I follow him down the long corridor and into the same conference room that Logan and I once sat in. Sitting near the front are three women. Two of them are brunette's, one of them is blonde. All seem to be of average built.

"Ladies, this is the woman I've been telling you about... Caroline, you may take a seat anywhere you'd like. I'll be right outside if you need anything." The General shuts the door as I sit at the opposite end of the table. They avoid eye contact with me as I start.

"Well, as you know, I'm Caroline... What's your names?" I ask, trying to hide my nervousness. The first woman, sitting on the left speaks up, "I'm Jessica." She smiles. The blonde in the middle remains quiet as the third lady speaks, "I'm Amanda and that's Sarah." She says, nodding toward the blonde...

"It's nice to meet you all... Before I tell you my story, I just want you to know, that this was not planned. The General came to me this morning and asked if I would speak with you. I literally know nothing about any of you, other than your name. So, we'll learn a little more about each other as we go on, I hope..."

"The General said you had been through this before?" Jessica asks.

I nod, "I suppose I'll just start with my story then... When I was in ninth grade, I met a very special someone." The blonde suddenly looks up. "His name was Nick. I actually ran into him in the hallway and it just so happened, he would later join me in English class. His seat was assigned next to mine and that's when we began talking. Nick was a very special person to me. He treated me like a lady, something I wasn't used to, at the time. He was respectful, caring, and a true man. I dated him all the way through high school and after we graduated, we moved in together. Ever since I could remember, he always wanted to be in the army, that was all he ever talked about. So, two weeks after graduation, he enlisted. He was gone a year before he got to come home again."

Amanda speaks up, "He didn't make it, did he?"

"Oh, he came home. He stayed for a month and during that time, we were engaged. I was absolutely beside myself when he proposed. I wasn't expecting anything at the time, I was just happy he was home. After that, he went to Afghanistan, and I started planning our wedding. I never thought he wouldn't make it home. A part of me knew that could always happen, but I wouldn't let myself think about it. He would come home, I just knew he would... A month before Nick was scheduled to come home, for good, two military personnel showed up at my door. They gave me a letter and said, "The Department of the Army sends its condolences in this difficult time." I can remember him say that to me like it was yesterday..."

The blonde finally speaks up, "Do you know how he died?"

I nod, "Yes when his body was flown in, I met his Lieutenant. He told me that they were sent in on a mission to capture some of the military's most wanted... The guys they were after had taken some kids as hostages and Nick's unit was trying to figure out a way to get them out safely when the building went up in flames. The guys died in the fire, but Nick and the soldiers got all the kids out unharmed. When the Lieutenant started accounting for his team, he realized Nick was missing. He went back in and found him pinned under a beam, clutching a little girl. Nick told them to get the girl out and they did. Surprisingly, they got Nick out as well, but he was badly hurt. He had inhaled a lot of smoke and had been shot twice. He also had multiple stab wounds, from an apparent struggle... He died on site."

They stayed silent as I let everything I had said sink in. Within a few minutes, Jessica adds, "How did you handle it? My husband passed away in Iran a few weeks ago. His unit was attacked in battle..."

"It was hard, Nick was the only thing I had left. My family didn't really have anything to do with me and I didn't have any friends. He was everything to me, but when he passed away, it took me a few days to realize that he really wasn't coming home. I had a lot of issues to work out with myself, my emotions... But I overcame the hurt and guilt with the help of my grief counselor."

"The General was talking about those... Do they really help? Some guy following you around all day?" Amanda asks.

I chuckle, "You'd be surprised... My grief counselor ended up being the Lieutenant of Nick's unit, Logan Cook. He was also Nick's best friend while he was in the army. When Nick died, he made Logan promise that no matter what, I would be taken care of. He kept that promise too, probably longer than Nick ever thought he would."

"Isn't your last name Cook?" Sarah mutters.

I nod, "Yep, I married him two years ago."

Their eyes go wide, "Didn't you feel like you were betraying Nick?"

"At first, I did. Logan and I never had a relationship until I moved here. You see I'm originally from Kentucky. About two months after Nick's passing, his mother showed up on my doorstep. To make a long story short, she hated me. She never wanted him to go into the army and she blamed me for letting him go... That night, she tried to kill me. She had a gun pointed to my head, but luckily I was able to contact Logan before it got out of hand. He got there before anything happened and tried to calm her down, but she wouldn't listen. He pulled the trigger right when she did, and she passed away. The bullet missed me by an inch and I had a major meltdown, which led me to move away."

"Oh my goodness... So you moved here with Logan?"

"Yes, it was actually the General's idea. I didn't know anyone and Logan had became my best friend. I felt comfortable with him... Safe."

"So, then you just married him and forgot the whole thing?" Sarah asks, rolling her eyes.

I shake my head, "Of course not. I had a trying time with Logan. After we moved here, he starting wanting a little more than friendship and I told him I wasn't ready for that. I needed time to grieve and he gave me that."

"I just felt so hopeless when I saw the attack on the news... I was praying it wasn't him..." Jessica says, wiping a tear from her eye.

"I know the feeling. Logan was with your husband's. He was their Captain and he got shipped out two days after our second anniversary... I had just told him I was pregnant when he left. When I saw the news that day, I keep telling myself it wasn't his unit. Then the base called and said it was. I was terrified that history would repeat itself but when the General called and told me that he was alright, I cried... I cried out of joy but also sadness, I knew a lot of families lost their son, grandson, husband, or even father..."

Sarah looks down as she adds, "I think we've all had enough for today..." She stands as I nod. "Agreed... The General will get back to you on when we'll be meeting again." Sarah's the first one out the door as Jessica and Amanda stay behind. "I'm sorry about her. She's had it rough the last few weeks. She had a miscarriage recently..." Jessica adds.

"Oh, that's terrible!" The General comes in.

"I believe we'll have another meeting Wednesday, around the same time, girls. Have a nice day." One meeting and I already knew who was going to be the challenge... Jessica and Amanda? They just needed time. Sarah? She needs a lot more and honestly, I don't know if I can help her...

She lost her husband and child, all within a few weeks... How could you not be depressed? How can I relate to her? She's just going to push me away.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Once I had finished with the meeting, I went back to Logan's office and told him what I had learned. When I mentioned Sarah, his face saddened. He asked me what her last name was and I told him I had no idea, they never mentioned it. I don't know what came over him, but he called the General and asked about her. When he got off the phone, he looked at me in a way I had never seen before. "You'll never believe who she is, Care..."

"Do I know her?" I ask curiously.

"You knew her fiancé. As a matter of fact, you saved his job." He trails off as my brain scrambles, trying to put the puzzle together. "Lieutenant Jon Grant." Logan finally adds when I don't answer.

"Oh my God." I mutter as all the memories come back to me. He was the one who put on the memorial for Nick when Logan was promoted. He was the one that had started the rumor about Logan, saying he was too emotionally attached to be a leader. It was true, I had saved his job, but now, I was wondering if that was a good thing.

"Now that you mention it, he did tell me that he and his fiancé were expecting. I believe he told me it was a boy. Do you know when she miscarried?"

"Right after Jon passed, I think..."

"Hmmm." He stares off into space, deep in thought.

Immediately, I know what he's thinking, "You don't think she..."

He nods, "She could have. Think, if that baby was born, who would it remind her of?"

I shake my head, "What mother would kill their own baby! That's disgusting."

"I could be wrong... I've only met her once anyway." He quickly changes the subject. "You know, I'm not that busy right now... What do you say, I walk you to the car?"

"Why not. I've got a lot of stuff to work on in the nursery today." I add as he follows me out of the office.

"You go do that, but please, I beg you, don't sit on the floor."

I chuckle, "I promise, that definitely won't happen." Within a few minutes, we arrive in the parking lot. "I'll see you later." We start to kiss goodbye when someone interrupts. "Caroline! Thank God, you're still here!" Jessica says, breathing rapidly.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's Sarah. She locked herself in her house. Amanda said she was really upset when she left the meeting and she followed her to make sure she was okay. She's in there and Amanda has reason to believe that she's trying to kill herself."

Immediately, adrenaline kicks in, "Logan, go get the General and hurry!" I add, running off with Jessica. I have to admit, I was pretty surprised that I could run, considering my current situation, but I guess adrenaline does make a huge difference in your physical capability.

Suddenly, Jessica comes to a stop when we make it to a large, brick duplex. Amanda's outside waiting for us. "She won't answer me!"

I walk up to the front door and knock, "Sarah? Are you in there?"

I hear a rummaging sound, "Caroline?"

"Yes, it's me! Now, will you please open the door?"

"I don't want them in here."

I sigh, "Okay, I'll come in by myself. They'll stay outside." Oh God, Logan's going to kill me for doing this. Slowly, the door opens, but just enough to let me inside. She slams the door shut once I enter the foyer. "What do you want?" She asks as I look at her. She's sweating and her eyes are red and puffy.

"Did I say something to upset you at the meeting?"

"No. I just remembered who you were. I guess your husband told you who I am."

"Sarah, I'm sorry you lost Jon... He was a good person."

She smiles, "Yeah... You know, you saved his job a few years ago and right now, I can't help but wonder if he would have been discharged back then, would he still be here with me now?"

"I know you're upset. But all that alcohol isn't going to help anything..." I add, looking at the bar in the kitchen. At least ten bottles line the end of the counter, anything from Vodka to Whiskey.

"Did they tell you I was an alcoholic? You know, I didn't use to be. It's just when he died, I didn't want to feel anything anymore." She shrugs.

"Sarah, is that the reason you miscarried?" Her eyes shoot up at me.

"How'd you know?" She asks angrily.

"Call it mother's intuition, I suppose... Remember, I was in your place a few years ago and I remember it very well. I felt hopeless, everything I had was gone, and I didn't know what to do or where to go. Right now, that's what you're feeling and you're the only one that can determine the path that you're going to take. Maybe you'll be like me and want to start anew, maybe you want to reach out to your family, who knows."

She shakes her head, "It took me so long to get here. I don't want to start all over again."

"When Nick died, that's exactly what I thought, but I soon realized that everything happens for a reason. If I hadn't have lost him, I wouldn't have met Logan, and little Julianna wouldn't have even been thought of. Think about that... Everything that has happened to you in the past weeks will make you so much stronger, it already has."

"Caroline! What's going on?" Logan yells, banging on the door.

"It's fine, calm down!" I yell back as Sarah cracks a smile.

"He really loves you, you know?" She says.

"Oh, I know, and someday, you'll have someone like him too. I know you don't want to think about it right now, but life will move on, with or without you." I look out a window and see an ambulance pull up. I figured the General would call 911 to make sure she was alright. "Will you do me a favor?"

She nods, "If I can."

"Will you at least let them check you out? It's just precautionary."

"Sure." I open the door as everyone breathes a sigh of relief. I walk Sarah to the ambulance and walk back to where the General and Logan are standing.

Logan puts his arm around me and looks to the General, "You know, I think I change my mind. The whole meeting thing, I don't like it. I think she should stay home. That way I know exactly where she is and there's no need to worry."

"Logan, you've officially lost your mind. I agreed to this and I'm going to finish it. She needs my help more than ever."

"You're pregnant, do you get that?" He asks as the General just kind of watched us in amusement.

"Nah, I had no idea! I just gained thirty pounds out of nowhere, my feet just decided to swell like a football, and I'm just randomly moody all the time!" I add sarcastically.

"Yeah, I'm going to give you the day off, Captain. Might need to stop by Dairy Queen or something on the way home..." The General chuckled, walking away.

"I mean what if she had a weapon?"

"Logan, snap out of your army mind. Everyone is not the bad guy around here! She's just hurt, that's all."

Katie walks up, "Are ya'll always yelling at one another?"

"No, this is the way Logan speaks to me when I save someone's life!"

"I was just a little stressed, Care, alright? I'm sorry." He adds, calmly.

"You're stressed and you're making me stressed! And guess who's supposed to be calm right now? Me!" Katie chuckles, "What's so funny?"

"Those mood swings are really coming frequently now, aren't they?" She asks.

I groan, "Don't you just love 'em? Logan, sorry I yelled at you. Who knew Julianna's presence would make me this crazy... Well, I'm going to go visit the cafeteria, maybe they have some ice cream left."

"Girl, you going to be on a sugar high!" Katie adds.

Logan interrupts, "No, no, Katie. It's fine. Let her go, I like the Caroline that follows, trust me."

She shakes her head, "I don't even want to know..." She walks off as Logan and I chuckle. "She's so fun to annoy." I add as we head down the sidewalk.

"Definitely..."

### Chapter Twelve

Logan's Point of View

I was wrong. I shouldn't have told Caroline to go through with these meetings. It was low of me to bring Nick into this, I should have let Caroline turn down the offer like she wanted to, but I just had to add my two cents.

The Doctor is wanting her to stay away from stress and all I did was talk her into it. What kind of a husband am I? Apparently, a pushy one, that's for sure. I want to talk her out of it, but knowing Caroline, that's not happening. Once she sets her mind to something, she'll do it.

As for last night, it was nice. We had time to ourselves again and I had really missed that side of Caroline. She fell asleep before I did and I stayed up and watched her for a while. I even felt the baby kick once or twice and let me tell you, that could never get old. It was such an amazing feeling...

When I finally went to bed, I slept peacefully until I heard my phone start ringing on the nightstand. I silenced it before Caroline woke up and checked who had called. The General? I looked at the time, 3:47AM. Why would he call this early? Something must be wrong.

I slip out of bed and walk into the kitchen as I call him back, "Logan?"

"Something wrong?" I ask, sleepily.

"Did I wake Caroline?"

"No, she's still asleep... What's going on?"

"Logan, there's no easy way to tell you this. I just got off the phone with Sarah's mother. When she got out of the hospital last night, she called her mom to come and pick her up. It was the first time they had spoken to one another for almost a year and her mother had no idea Jon died or that she was even pregnant. They got into a big argument and Sarah locked herself in the house again..."

"Do I need to get Caroline to call her?"

He sighs, "No, I'm afraid that won't be necessary..."

"Then I don't understand why you called, Sir?"

"Logan, Sarah killed herself this morning."

"What? How? Why? She seemed fine earlier!"

"The coroner came to get the body not long ago, all he said to me was that she had multiple stab wounds. According to her mother, Caroline had told her to reach out to her family, maybe that would ease her pain. Apparently, it didn't and she chose the opposite path that Caroline wanted her to take..."

Oh no... This was going to kill her. She was so proud of herself for helping Sarah and now... How am I going to help her through this one? I have a feeling this is going to be a repeat of Nick's death. She can't handle this right now. "How am I going tell her? She can't deal with this. I knew this was a bad idea."

"I'm sorry that I even brought this up to her, I just thought she could help. Don't worry about coming in today, just make sure she's alright."

"What was a bad idea? And who are you talking to?" Caroline asks, stumbling out of the bedroom. Uh oh.

"I've got to go," I add and place the phone on the counter. "Uh, the General called."

She squints at the clock, "At four AM? What did he want?"

"Why don't we sit down," I add and walk over to the couch. By this time, she knows something's wrong and reluctantly sits down beside me.

"What did he say, Logan?"

"He informed me that last night, Sarah was released from the hospital and she called her mom to come pick her up. She thought that maybe they could talk and make up."

"Really? Good for her!" She smiles.

"They had a really bad argument and Sarah locked herself in the house again."

Her expression saddens, "Well, it was a long shot... Do I need to go see her in the morning? Is she okay?"

God, I don't want to do this. "Care, Sarah killed herself this morning."

She doesn't get it right away. She just looks around the room like she didn't hear what I said. "Do I know another Sarah? I'm pretty sure the one that I know wouldn't do a thing like that."

I nod, "She did... The coroner has already come for the body. He told the General she had multiple stab wounds."

After I said that, it wasn't long until the waterworks came. She had finally realized the truth and it broke my heart to see her this way. She hadn't been like this since the incident with Louise and after that, I promised myself I would never let her get that way again. And yet, here we are. "I was the one that suggested she talk to her family again! It's all my fault!" She cries into my chest. I tried my best to soothe her, but I honestly didn't know what to do. I felt just as helpless as I did when Nick passed. I didn't know if she wanted me to talk or just to hold her. I really had no idea.

This was one of those moments where you just hoped everything was a dream and you would wake up any second and everything would be okay. I knew that wasn't going to happen and I knew that the next few days was going to be really tough...

Not only was I worried about Caroline, but I was also terrified for Julianna. I didn't want Caroline to stress, I just wanted her to be happy. She needed to be calm and keep her blood pressure down and I know that right now, it's probably higher than it was the first time, but what can I do? I can't stop anyone from grieving. I can't take the hurt away, trust me, if I could, I would in a heartbeat, but I can't.

She would likely always blame herself for this and every time I thought about it, the more angry I became at myself. Why did I tell her to go through with this? Why couldn't I have let her turn it down?

This was one time in my life that I honestly didn't know what to do. It wasn't as personal when I was a grief counselor, I didn't know her that well, I just tried to listen to her, read her body language. I wasn't that involved as I am now. She's my wife, it's my job to take care of her, it's not just a promise I made to my best friend anymore.

This is one of those times I really wished that Nick was here. I really needed guidance with this and Nick always knew what to say.

God, I miss you, buddy.

### Chapter Thirteen

I thought I had helped her.

I thought she understood what I had said. She was supposed to continue her life, not end it. Why had she chosen to do that? Why wouldn't she want to live?

Those two questions never left my mind that day. I felt like it was my fault. Why did I have to mention her family? There had to be a reason why they didn't speak to one another and I guess, this was my drastic answer. I shouldn't give advice, I mean, look what I've done now. How could I ever forgive myself for this? How would Jessica and Amanda think of me now? I couldn't help them...

If anything, I should stay far, far away.

Logan tried to comfort me, but I felt like he didn't really know what to do. I caught him mumbling to himself often that day, I couldn't quite make out what he was saying but I did catch one word...

Nick.

That's when I realized Logan really didn't know what to do. It kind of scared me, I mean, as long as I had known my husband, never once did he not know what to say to me...

Even as my grief counselor, he always knew what would calm me down, what would make me listen to him, but he never once tried to say anything. We sat there pretty much all day, ignoring the phone calls, the messages on the answering machine, basically the entire outside world. It's like our world just stopped turning that day.

We sat like that for hours on end, never saying a word to one another, until Logan let go of me and walked outside. I knew he was calling the General if he didn't, he was likely to show up any minute and I think both of us just really wanted to be left alone.

After Logan left, I pulled myself up and stood in the living room alone. I walked up to the patio doors and saw Logan pacing the yard on the phone. He was shaking his head and I became really curious as to what he was saying. I cracked the door, just a tad and stood behind the curtain so he couldn't see me. "I don't know. She hasn't said anything to me all day... No, I haven't said anything either, but I honestly don't know where to start. I used to be good at these things, but for the first time, in a long time, I'm speechless. This is one of those times when I really wish Nick was here. He would know what to say."

I slide the door shut again as I turn around and almost run into an end table. I notice a picture frame sitting on the edge and I pick it up to see which one it is. When I turn the frame over, I smile. It's of Nick and Logan about two months before Nick passed away. Nick's got that famous crooked smile on his face and Logan's just got a sly smirk.

I wish I could have seen Logan and Nick's friendship. I really wish I could have, just to see what they would have acted like, what they talked about. I never really met any of Nick's friends, and even now, Logan doesn't talk about any of them.

I stood there a few more minutes as I finally realized what I needed to do. When I heard the door open, I turned around and faced Logan. I took a deep breath and said what I needed to say, "I think I need to go home."

He cocked an eyebrow, "You are home?"

"I mean, I need to go to the place that was home before Fort Lee."

"You want to fly to Kentucky?" He asks, still a little shocked.

"Yeah. Well, I'd rather drive actually. I just think I should visit. I haven't been back there in three years. I haven't been to the cemetery since Nick died and I think I should just get away for awhile."

"Are you sure? You said you never wanted to go back."

I nod, "I want to go."

"Okay, when?" He asks.

Hmm, that was easier than I thought. "Now."

His eyes go wide, "Now? I was thinking maybe next week or maybe over the weekend?"

I shake my head, "No, I want to go now."

"Care, are you sure you're just not trying to forget the fact that Sarah died? You should at least go to the funeral."

I sigh, "Let me put it this way, I'm going with or without you. Please don't make it the second option." I hated to be like that, but for some reason, I just felt like I needed to go.

He purses his lips, "Determined, eh? Alright, we'll go. Right now."

"Thank you, dear." I give him a quick kiss as I run off to the bedroom. I pull out some luggage and start throwing some clothes and such inside. Once I pack my things, I pack some stuff for Logan, then walk back into the living room, "I'm ready."

He looks at the bags, "How long are we staying, exactly?"

"Just one night. We'll be back before the funeral, I promise."

He sighs, "Which vehicle are we taking?"

"Phoenix, cause I'm driving. This will be my last road trip with her since I'll be trading for an SUV when we get back."

He rolls his eyes, "Again, so not happening. I told you, I'm trading Crimson."

"And I said you're not. Now, let's go."

He didn't bother to argue after that, he just locked up and followed me out to the garage. I thought that this trip would help us both with our problems, I know Logan's still feeling a little guilty for the guys he lost, he can't hide that stuff from me. I'm his wife. But maybe this would help.

We could only hope.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

We finally arrived in Kentucky around ten that night and found a nice little hotel a few miles off the interstate and booked a room. It was nice to be back, I didn't realize how much I had missed this place. I moved so quickly, I never thought about coming back. Of course, I wanted to move, I really did, there had been so much tragedy, I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Still, I was a little angry with myself. Why didn't I at least come back for memorial day? Nick's grave deserved to be taken care of and I just left it unattended. How could I do something like that? It's like I just left everything behind, including him.

When we got to our room, Logan took a quick shower as I got ready for bed... Well, that's what I was supposed to do. Instead, I laid down and pulled the covers up to my chin. I put a few pillows behind me to help ease my aching back, or at least that's what I told Logan when he joined me. The real reason was to keep him on his side of the bed.

Once he fell asleep, he was out cold. I knew he would be, when he was really tired, an earthquake wouldn't wake him up. So, I waited about ten minutes after he fell asleep and slipped out of bed.

I grabbed the key card and left the room. By now, it was almost eleven and I knew I shouldn't be leaving this time of the night, but I had to. I wanted to go to the cemetery by myself and if I told Logan, he was sure to come with me.

I stopped by Walmart on the way and picked up some flowers for his grave. By the time I got to the cemetery, it was almost midnight. Thankfully, this side of town was well lit with tons of streetlamps, so I didn't really have the fear of darkness.

I parked on the side of the street and walked up the path to the graveyard. Even though it had been a few years, I knew exactly where his grave was. That was something I could never forget...

As I continued up the path, I remembered the last time I had been here. I was walking behind his casket as they carried him up the hill to his plot. The General was in front of me and Logan beside me. Who would have ever thought that the next time I would visit, I would be married to my grief counselor.

Once I reached the top of the hill, the path branched off into different directions. I took to the left and within a few more steps, Nick's grave was in front of me. To my surprise, it had been taken care of. There was a rose bush growing up the side of his headstone, an angel statue on the other side, and a white bench in front. That's when I had remembered Nick's father. I bet he's taking care of it.

I sat the flowers down in front of the stone and sat down on the bench. At first, I wasn't sure what to do... Why had I come here? Was I just supposed to sit here and think about the good times? No. In my heart, I knew what I had to do. I came here for peace of mind. I needed to talk to him...

"Well, I'll bet you never thought you'd see me here... Especially in the middle of the night..." I smile weakly as nothing happens... "I know you've been watching over me... You always have and I know that you're aware of what happened with Sarah." A tear escapes my eye. "Nick, I don't know what I did wrong, I wanted to help her, I did, but why would the General give me someone that I couldn't help?"

The wind picks up a little as I sigh in relief. He's here.

You don't need to worry, Caroline. You were never meant to save her.

"What? But that's what the General said... I was supposed to help them through their grief like Logan helped me..."

A strong puff of wind startled me.

No, Caroline... Sarah had her mind made up way before she met you. You were never supposed to help her, she was supposed to help you.

"I don't understand..." I shake my head.

It may not sink in right now, but she really did help you. She brought you here, didn't she? You came to me instead of me having to appear to you. Caroline, she was like your twin. Her family didn't speak to her, she didn't have any friends... Jon was all she had. Sound familiar?

"I know, but why was I meant to meet her?"

The wind pauses momentarily. _She showed you what would have happened to you if Logan wasn't there... If Logan didn't follow the right path, you wouldn't be sitting here. You'd be where I am now._

My eyes go wide, "I would have died?"

_Yes, you would have given up on life and grieved yourself to death. Logan would have done the same thing, he would have been upset with himself for not keeping his promise to me. He would_ pass _away just a couple weeks after you... So be thankful for him and help him. He needs you now more than ever and I think you know what I mean... Logan, you can come out now..._

I hear a rustling sound as I turn around and see Logan standing behind me. He comes over and sits down next to me. "I'm sorry I followed you. I didn't mean to, I actually planned to do the same thing when you fell asleep."

"Did you hear us?" I ask curiously.

He nods, "Yeah, good thing you gave me a chance, huh?" He smiles, weakly.

_I've got to_ go _but please never forget what I've said tonight. Logan may have saved your human life, Care, but you saved his spirit. I'll always be watching over you. And by the way, Logan, I miss you too, buddy._

And with that, he was gone. I turned to Logan, "How'd you get here?"

"Taxi. I was actually here before you were. I was getting a little worried but then I realized you wouldn't come until you had something to put on his grave... Now, let's get back to the hotel. No one should be at a cemetery after dark." He stands and pulls me up.

We walk hand in hand to the car as we both take in what just happened. I'll always be thankful for Nick, he was my first love, after all, but if Logan wasn't my last, neither of us would be here.

I thank God for them both, they'll never truly understand how much they mean to me.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

That night, we both slept peacefully. I wasn't expecting to get those answers from Nick, I just wanted to be near him, talk to him like I used to. But I have to say, he surprised me. It kind of shocked me a little, I mean, it's not every day that someone tells you if you made the wrong decision, you'd be dead. It was kind of an eye opener, what if I didn't give Logan a chance? Neither of us would be here and neither would little Julianna...

The next morning, we ate breakfast at the hotel and by eight AM, we were on the road again. But I didn't head straight to the interstate, no, I drove about thirty minutes south of town until I reached my old house. My parents sold it soon after I moved to Virginia, but it doesn't look inhabited. The driveway is bare, no flowers or anything on the porch, no nothing anywhere.

"Didn't you say that your parents sold the house?" Logan asks and I pull off on the side of the road.

"Yeah, they wired me the money about a month after we left..." I add, putting the car in park, pulling the keys out of the ignition, and sliding out of the car. "What are you doing?" Logan asks, following me as I cross the road.

"I'm going to see if anyone lives here." I walk up to the porch and ring the doorbell. I hear it echo through the house. No movement what so ever. I look through the window and to my surprise, see all the furniture I had left behind. It was like everything was exactly how I had left it.

"Maybe they didn't sell it after all," Logan suggests.

I shake my head, "Then how did they wire me all that money?" I suddenly remembered where I always left a spare key. I walked around to the back of the house and picked up a loose board from the porch. I reached under it and found the key. Logan smiled as I retrieved it and unlocked the door.

We entered the kitchen as I looked back toward the laundry room... The white tile is slightly stained with red. It was where Louise had laid the night she was shot. "Don't think about it, Care. What'd you want anyway?" Logan asks changing the subject.

Before I can answer, I see a small white piece of paper sitting on the counter. I walk over and pick it up as Logan notices it. "What's it say?"

"Dear Caroline, We thought you may want to come back someday so your Dad and I bought the house. Glad you remembered where the key was, keep it. Love, Mom and Dad..." I read aloud.

"And tell me again why you hate them so much?" Logan asks.

I sigh, "I don't hate them, we just agree to disagree is all..."

We walked around the house for a little while but soon, I felt a little uneasy, so we locked up and left. Logan thought we were leaving for good this time, but I had other plans... When we locked the back door, I walked around the driveway and started to head into the woods.

"I knew it." He mutters. "What is with you and just randomly deciding to run off into the woods? Why do you do that?"

"At least I included you this time. But if you wish, you can stay behind. I just want to see if the bridge is still there. I'll be right back." I start off down the path.

"Yeah, you know that's not happening." He adds, reluctantly following my lead. When we reached the end of the path, I had to remember which way to go. Right, my heart said. Thankfully, I remembered the way to the creek, except when we got there, I didn't quite remember which way the bridge was. "Great." Logan mutters.

"Oh, relax, Logan. He led me here the first time, he can do it again." I paused, waiting for an answer. Just like last time, a bird flew out from the trees above me, made a really loud chirping sound, and flew to the right.

"Okay, isn't it funny that that still freaks me out, just a little." He adds.

"Huh, I figured you'd be used to it by now." I chuckle as we continue on. Within a few minutes of walking, the bridge comes into view. I smile as we walk up to it. It's still here and I hoped and prayed it would remain here for many years to come.

I noticed something different when we got to the middle of the bridge. There was a cross engraved into the wood on the rail. I looked closer, below the cross were some words...

In Loving Memory of Nickolas Vaughn. May he rest in peace.

Logan came over and read it aloud, "Wonder who put it here?"

"His dad. He was the only one that knew about this place beside me." We sat there a while longer in silence. I missed this place, it was quiet, peaceful... Kentucky and Virginia weren't that far apart, yet they seemed so different.

I had a nice, quiet backyard in Virginia. No one was anywhere near me, yet here, it felt different. I didn't really know how to explain it, I just felt like I could stay here for hours and

hours and never notice the time. It was like my little haven in the middle of the woods. I wish I could just pick it up and move it back home, but I couldn't. I guess I'd just have to settle for visiting.

I was glad Logan and I had decided to come here, I think it helped us both and even our marriage. I knew Nick would always watch over us and I was sure that when Logan and I were gone, he'd watch over Julianna too. It's like he's our guardian angel, he'll always be there for us and it definitely gave me peace of mind.

### Chapter Fourteen

The past weeks have been hard, but everything worked out in the end, just like Nick had said. Sarah did help me and surprisingly, she helped Logan and I become even closer. When we got back from Kentucky, Sarah's funeral was the next day. It wasn't easy, no funeral ever is, but I didn't feel guilty anymore. I was at peace and I knew there was nothing I could have done to change her mind.

Even Jessica and Amanda said she had been on suicide watch before, right after Jon left. I just wish someone would have warned me beforehand. I was surprised when they both told me they wanted to continue our meetings, but in a way, I was glad. Now, they're both doing very well and the General praised me for their progress.

Currently, I'm almost eight months pregnant and as hormonal as ever! I find that I get agitated a lot easier than I used to and I tend to lay down and take naps more often. I have to admit, I never liked how much weight I had gained, which was now almost thirty pounds, by the way, but then again, I'm sure no woman ever likes that part. I feel like all my energy has been drained away and I can walk from the bedroom to the kitchen and be tired. That's probably the worst part so far, besides all the back pain, of course.

But, Logan continues to remind me, everything will be worth it when Julianna is here. I know he's right and let me tell you, I'm looking forward to my due date. Just about six more weeks! I can do it!

"Logan! You're going to have to help me up!" I yell from the couch.

He walks down the stairs and over to me, "I'm just curious, what do you do when I'm not here?" He chuckles.

"Not funny, I can get up on my own, but it's not pleasant." He pulls me to my feet. "So, is the nursery done? Can I see it now?"

He smirks, "I just finished a few minutes ago, I was going to make you wait, but I guess I could let you see it now..."

"Yes! I want to see it!" I add, excitedly. I have been waiting to see this nursery for over a month now. We had bought everything we needed and I had picked up the decor to match the Cinderella theme weeks ago. But I had promised Logan that I wouldn't look in the room until he finished it up. That was something I had planned on doing myself, but given the circumstances, it was best that he finish it. I didn't have the energy and even if I did work on it, it was never certain it would be done in time for Julianna.

I follow him back up the stairs, when we reach the nursery room door, he makes me close my eyes. "Take a few steps toward me." He says as he leads me into the room. "Alright, ready?"

"Yes!"

"Open." I look around the room in complete shock. Dang. This place looks just like the magazine picture. "Wow." The dresser sits in the corner of the room, the changing table opposite it. The crib sits in the center, Logan's fixed it just like the picture I showed him. He's added the canopy and pink drapery just liked I wanted. Light pink curtains flow at the top of the windows and the small silver chandler I had picked up hangs from the ceiling. It truly looks like a Princess' room. "So? Did Mr. Fix-It do a good job?" He asks as I smile.

"Yes, Mr. Fix-It did a very good job. It really looks like a Princess room. Wait until Helen finds out you did it and not me." I chuckle. I had missed Helen since she left, but she was flying back in about a month when I was closer to my due date. She called a couple times a week and checked on me and of course, I always sent her pictures of my ultrasounds. Alex had told Logan that she was sending them to everyone she knew, she's one proud grandma.

A car horn gets my attention as Logan looks out the window and smiles. "The General's here."

"I didn't know he was coming?" I ask as I follow him down the stairs.

He smirks, "I did." I watch him curiously as we walk out to the garage. Before I can see anything, Logan slips his hands over my eyes. "So, we have a surprise for you..."

"Another one? Not that I'm complaining, of course." He leads me down the driveway as I hear the General speak up.

"Logan's been telling me that you all have been disagreeing about cars as of late. You know, those little sports cars you've got are going to be really hard getting a car seat in and out of. So, my wife decided to give you all a gift from us..." Logan removes his hands from my face as I look on to a silver Toyota Four Runner.

"You're giving us an SUV?" I ask as my eyes go wide.

He smiles, "Well, technically, my wife is since this was hers. She's decided to get another vehicle and she told me she would love for you and Logan to have this one. No payments, just insurance, so really, you can both keep your old cars."

"I don't even know what to say," I mutter as he pulls out the keys.

"Take her for a test drive? We have to get the title changed, so you can drive us to the courthouse." I smile and take the keys.

"Thanks, General. I never thought somebody would give us a car, though."

I am so grateful to have such good friends. I mean, who would give you a practically brand new car? That's just unheard of... But, I did feel a weight lift off my shoulders. I didn't want to get rid of Phoenix and I knew Logan didn't want to give up Crimson either. It's like our cars were married too, I mean we got them right around the time we started dating. They're kind of part of the family and maybe one day, Julianna will learn to drive in one of them.

So within a day, my to-do list was completed. The nursery was finished and an SUV was now in the family. I keep telling Logan I have to name it and I think I thought of a good name on the way to the courthouse.

Pacifier.

Perfect, don't you think?

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

The trip to the courthouse didn't take long and within about an hour and a half, the title was changed and we had dropped the General back off at the base. The rest of the night was quiet. I put away some more baby clothes that I had gotten for Julianna, then I helped Logan wash the cars. Nothing all that exciting, but I liked these little quiet moments with him. Katie says I should enjoy them because once the baby's here, it'll no longer be just the two of us. But, I can't wait for Julianna to get here, I feel like I've been waiting on her forever.

I guess I spoke too soon, because early that next morning, I woke up with some pretty intense pain in my lower back. I had read plenty of pregnancy books in the past months and I thought I was just going into false labor, especially since I was only about thirty weeks pregnant. But after they started getting more frequent, I called the Doctor. She wanted me to explain what the pain felt like and how long it lasted. Once I told her, she was almost positive I was in premature labor and I needed to get to the hospital ASAP.

I didn't waste any time getting Logan up and once I told him what was going on, he took action immediately. Let me tell you, as long as I've known him, I have never seen him get up and ready that fast. He definitely set a record, that's for sure. Within eleven minutes, yes I timed us, we were at the hospital. Doctor Salins met us upfront and they immediately took me to an examination room. Logan had to wait outside, which I wasn't happy about, but right now, I just wanted to make sure Julianna was alright...

She checked my cervix first and as soon as she did, she called for a nurse to get an IV started. Within twenty minutes, I was hooked up to multiple monitors and Dr. Salins came back in for an ultrasound and brought Logan with her. Thank God.

"Is she really in labor?" Logan asks, sitting down beside the bed.

She nods, "Well, she was. Not now. I've given you some magnesium sulfate to stop your contractions. We need Julianna to stay in there as long as she can, she's too premature to deliver right now." She puts some of the gel across my stomach and starts moving the wand around. She pushes a button on the screen and listens to Julianna's heartbeat.

She smiles, "She's perfectly healthy, but she's already head down. Looks like Julianna's really wanting to meet you."

"Sounds like she's impatient, like her mother." Logan chuckles.

"Hey, she surprised me too, you know."

"I'm sure she did. Now, Caroline," She starts and wipes off my stomach with a white cloth, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you on complete bed rest. It's too risky to have her right now and we were lucky to have caught you when we did. You're already starting to dilate and I'm afraid if I send you home and you go into labor again, we might not be able to stop it."

That's definitely not what I wanted to hear, "I have to stay here, don't I?"

She nods, "I'm afraid so. But this way we'll be able to keep an eye on you both and should something arise, we can take care of it. Any questions?"

"Not that I know of."

"Good, I'll go get the nurse to take you to your room." She leaves and shuts the door behind her. I stare at the wall, wondering what I'm going to do for the next few weeks.

"Well, let's see. You could watch movies all day. Maybe learn how to crochet?" Logan adds, sarcastically.

I chuckle, "Very funny, Logan. Very funny. Shouldn't you be calling the General or Katie? Maybe your mother?"

"I'll get to that once we get to our room."

I turn to him, "Our room?"

"Of course, you didn't think I was just going to leave you here, did you?"

"Well, no, but I thought you would at least sleep at home."

"I sleep where you sleep. You sleep here, I sleep here."

I shrug, "Okay, that's cute."

After that, the nurse took me to my new room. Once they got me situated and hooked up to everything, Logan got to join me again. "Well, isn't that nice? They gave you a view of the park."

I look out the window, "Yeah, at least I can see it."

"Caroline, you're making this worse than it really is."

"Says the person that can freely leave."

He glares, "You know it's best for Julianna and yourself if you stay here. Besides, maybe I can talk one of the nurses into letting me take you outside every now and then."

"Highly doubt it."

He smirks, "I find that as a challenge. You wait and see, I'll have you outside by the end of the week. Promise." That's when I knew he wasn't kidding. Anytime he promises me something, it always comes true.

"Alright, do you remember something else?" I ask curiously.

"What?"

"You promised me, a few months ago, that before Julianna was born, we'd go back to the beach house one more time. Then the next time we go, we'll have another little visitor."

He sighs, "Getting you a couple yards away from this hospital is one thing, Caroline, but an hour away is another. I don't think it's a good idea and I'm pretty sure they won't let me."

Darn. "I figured... So, you going to call our people now? Katie's going to be really upset that you waited this long."

"Trust me, I know... Except, I left my phone at home this morning, so do you have yours?"

"Logan, I was in the middle of having contractions this morning, do you think I thought about my phone?"

He smiles, "Well, I'll run home and get them along with some sour patch kids, cause apparently you need some, anything else?"

"Well... Clothes... Phone charger... Makeup bag... iPad... I think that's it..."

He cocks an eyebrow, "You're in a hospital... I don't think they care if you're wearing makeup." He adds.

"They may not, but I do. I may be in a different environment, but I'm still Caroline and I refuse to look like death warmed over."

"Okay, I'll stop by Dairy Queen on the way back, maybe you need some ice cream too." He smirks and kisses me before walking out the door.

"Make it an OREO blizzard, please!" I yell after him.

He looks back, "You got it, babe."

What would I do without him? He's the perfect husband, that's for sure. I'm one lucky girl and I'm sure Julianna will be too. She'll have the best dad in the world.

Chapter Fifteen

Logan called everyone once he got back to the hospital. They were all taken by surprise and of course, I was right. Katie was angry with him for waiting so long to call her, but I told her it had been a very eventful morning and to give him a break. She calmed down and said she would come and see me after she got off work. The General told Logan if he needed to take some time off, he understood, but I refused to let him sit here with me all day. There was no reason he couldn't work during the day and that's exactly what I told them.

Helen was a different story. She wasn't really scared about my health or Julianna's, for that matter, she was afraid that she wouldn't make it in time for the delivery. Logan kept reminding her that there was no plan to deliver Julianna yet. They wanted her to stay exactly where she was for as long as possible but Helen kept insisting that I would deliver early, especially since I had already gone into labor once before. She told us she was canceling all her plans and that she and Alex would be flying out by the next evening.

That night, Logan spent the night with me, just as he had said he would. I felt better when he was with me. I didn't like hospitals, never had, but I knew for Julianna's sake, I had to stay here. Granted, I didn't like the idea at first, but now, it didn't seem so bad. As long as I had Logan, I didn't care if we were home or not. Home was wherever he was and right now, it just happened to be in a hospital room.

The next morning I woke up around six. A nurse was quietly examining Julianna's heartbeat. I waited until she slipped out the door before I moved around a bit. I turned over and watched Logan sleep a few more minutes before waking him. "Logan? You better get going if you're going to work." I nudged him as his eyes fluttered open.

"The General said I didn't have to go, remember?" He says, rubbing his eyes.

"And I said you needed to go. Just because I'm here, doesn't mean you can't work. There's nothing wrong, so you should go do whatever it is you do." I add.

He smiles and looks at me, "Whatever it is I do, huh?"

"Well, I don't really know what your day consists of..."

"Meetings. Phone calls. Lunch. Fitness tests. More meetings..."

I shrug, "That's lovely, now, go get ready."

He groans, "Why can't I just go tomorrow? I'd rather stay with you."

"I'm sure you would and I wouldn't complain, but your soldiers need their Captain. Now, go get ready. I'll be fine here. Probably read some books I haven't had the chance to get to." I give him a reassuring smile.

"Fine, but I'm coming straight back as soon as I get finished and I'll probably text you every hour to see what you're up to. Promise you'll reply?"

"I promise." He reluctantly gets out of bed, grabs his suitcase, and walks off to the bathroom. While he's getting ready, I flip on the television and watch the local news. Once I was bored of it, I flip through the guide until I found a movie I liked. I click on 13 Going On 30 and watch patiently. I've watched this a thousand times, but it just never seemed to get old.

Within a half an hour, Logan came back into the room, in uniform, and threw his suitcase back in the corner. He walked over to me and kissed me goodbye, "See you this afternoon. Don't have too much fun without me." He smirks before walking away.

"Logan?" I yell after him.

He looks back, "OREO blizzard or Butterfinger?"

I smile, he always knows what I'm going to say, "I think Julianna wants Butterfinger this time... Yep, that's what she wants."

"Julianna's going to have a major sweet tooth, I do believe." He chuckles and shuts the door behind him.

The rest of the day went by very slowly. By lunch time, I had regretted telling Logan to go to work. I was bored and I hated being by myself. There's only so much I can do without getting out of bed. I watched movies, read a few books, and even tried to play silly iPad games to pass the time. Every time my phone went off, I jumped. Logan's conversations with me were short but I enjoyed them, nonetheless.

When Logan called and told me he was off of work, I actually told him to forget about the ice cream, because I knew that would take him longer to get here and right now, I just wanted someone, who wasn't a nurse, to talk to me. That's when he figured out I was desperate.

And when he got here, he had to tell me 'I told you so'. I knew he would but I didn't care. I was glad to see him. "Julianna changed her mind, huh?" He asks as he comes out of the bathroom in his casual clothes.

"Yep. She's a fussy one, isn't she?"

"Oh yes... Alex just texted me and said they were getting off the plane. They should be here soon." Well, at least I'll have two other people to talk to me.

"Please tell me they aren't sleeping here too..." I mutter.

He chuckles, "No, they're staying at the house."

"Good, cause I'm not that desperate. I like company during the day, but not at night."

"What about me?" He laughs.

"You're the only exception, I assure you."

Within an hour or so, Alex and Helen arrived at the hospital. Alex was dragging suitcases behind him and Helen was carrying multiple decorative bags with tissue paper peeking out at the top. "Hello, darling! How are you feeling?" She asks, sitting opposite of Logan.

"Fine, Helen. Just fine."

"Wonderful. Now, I brought you a few things from California." She starts handing me the bags, one by one.

"Aw, you shouldn't have..." I add as I start opening a few. Tons and tons of clothes, from newborn to twelve months, are piled into the bags. Even some toys and stuffed animals.

"Mom, I'm pretty sure we've got clothes under control." Logan adds.

"I knew you'd say that, so I brought twenty-five diaper bundles with me. You can never have too many of those. There in that suitcase over there." She points to a duffle bag beside of Alex.

Logan smiles and looks back to her, "You're the best, mom."

"Well, I decided since I didn't spoil you as much as I wanted, I get to spoil my granddaughter. Julianna will have the best of everything, I assure you." Neither of us said a word. We both knew it wouldn't make any difference what we said, Helen would do as she pleased.

It didn't really bother me, my parents weren't in the picture, so Helen was all Julianna had when it came to grandmothers. Although she hates that word and insists Julianna call her, Nana, I'm sure she'll do a wonderful job. She can be difficult at times, but she's really a sweet person, once you get to know her.

I'm sure Julianna will love her and I can't wait to see Helen's face once she sees Julianna for the first time. I've never really seen Helen's loving side, at least not with children, and that's something I look forward to.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Stir Crazy [stur-krey-zee]

1.Restless or frantic because of confinement.

I hated that feeling. I couldn't even walk outside my door without someone running over to me and telling me to get back in bed. They either wanted me sitting or lying all the time, even when I took a shower, they made me sit on this handicap chair. They made me feel as if I couldn't take care of myself and well, that just made me downright angry.

I wasn't a child, I knew how to take care of myself and I didn't need them to babysit me. Dr. Salins came to check on me every morning and she's been noticing that my blood pressure spikes throughout the day. When she asked if I felt any different or if anything was bothering me, I just told her. Seems like her plan backfired. She put me in here to keep an eye on me and make sure my blood pressure was normal. Now, she's causing me to stress.

Once she monitored Julianna for a twenty-four hour period, she came in and had a meeting with Logan and I. "Julianna is doing perfectly fine. But I've noticed when you become angry or stressed, her heart rate bottoms out. That's the reason I wanted to monitor you a little more closely. I had the nurses document the times they came in to check on you and every time, your blood pressure went through the roof. Do they really bother you that much?" She asks.

I shrug, "I don't mind them if they come to talk to me or ask me something, it's when they tell me I can't do something that bothers me. I got up to get my phone charger off the table and I got yelled at. The table was only two feet away. That stuff makes me feel like I'm being babysat."

She smiles, "That's exactly the way I was when I had my first child. I was put on bed rest for two weeks and I thought I was going to go crazy. But, my baby's heart rate stayed elevated all the time. Julianna's doesn't do that. It seems she does whatever you do. If you get aggravated, she does. If you're content, she is. This doesn't happen often, I assure, usually, the mother can't control anything with her moods, but apparently you can. I see no reason why you can't get up and do things as you please. But I do want you to be monitored, alright?"

"Does that mean I can go outside?" I ask, smiling.

She nods, "As long as someone is with you and you let one of the nurses know."

At that moment, I just wanted to jump up and down and scream, 'Freedom'! I haven't been this excited in a long time and I couldn't believe it was all because I got to go outside.

"Can I speak with you real quick?" Logan asks.

"Of course." Dr. Salins adds as they walk outside the room.

Wonder what that was about? I push the thought aside as I walk into the bathroom and freshen up a bit. I add some makeup, brush my teeth, and pull my hair up into a ponytail. When I come back out, Logan's waiting for me. "We're going outside, aren't we?" He asks.

"Oh yes." I tell one of the nurses where I'm going and we head downstairs and out to the park. When we start walking around the path I ask Logan what he was talking to the Doctor about.

"Well, I just wanted her opinion was all." He mutters and looks away.

"Hmm. On what?" I counter, knowing he's hiding something.

"I just asked her something. Alright? You'll find out soon enough."

I stop and stand in front of him, "You asked her about the beach house, didn't you?"

He smiles, "I told you, you'll find out soon enough."

"So she approved it? Come on, Logan! Tell me!" I beg.

"She didn't say for sure yet. She wants to see how Julianna does today, with you moving around and she'll let me know tomorrow. Okay?"

I smile as we continue walking. The beach house was like home away from home and I really wanted to go one more time before Julianna arrived. It would be the last time we'd go as just a couple, the next time we'd have a baby and I couldn't wait to add Julianna's pictures to the wall. It was kind of like a timeline of our life and every time we added to it, it was just another milestone we had reached.

"I told your mom about the nursery. Why didn't you tell her you did it?" I ask.

"I wanted you to, she'd come more to believing you than me."

"Well, it wasn't easy. I told her for two solid days that I did not decorate anything. I helped paint and I picked out the themed stuff, but you did everything else. Once she figured out that I really was telling the truth, she was pretty shocked and so was Alex."

"I'm sure they were. I'm not exactly the Cinderella type." He chuckles. We walk in silence a few minutes before Logan speaks up. "Care, are you worried at all?"

I look to him, "Worried about what?"

"You know, becoming a mother. You seem very calm about everything."

"Why, are you worried?" I smile.

He shrugs, "I don't know... Kind of... I mean, I've never really been around children. And babies, they just make me nervous. I mean, what if you go do something and I'm left alone with her? What if she cries and I don't know what to do?"

I wasn't expecting this from Logan but a part of me just wanted to hug him. He acted like the big tough guy all the time, but he really was a big teddy bear. "Growing up, I had many little cousins and I learned that babies can only want certain things. Usually, when they cry, they're hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. Sometimes their tummy aches and they want you to hold them. Trust me, it'll come to you. Besides, we're in this together. I'm sure we'll do just fine."

He smiles, "I guess you're right... I'm just paranoid."

"Everybody gets paranoid, especially with their first child."

He cocks an eyebrow, "First? I believe that implies they'll be more than one?" He smiles.

"What? Just stating a fact."

"Maybe little Jackson Nickolas won't be quite as moody as Julianna. And hopefully, you'll crave something besides sugar." He laughs.

"One step at a time, Logan. Julianna's not even here yet." I smirk.

After this conversation with Logan, I was a hundred percent sure he'd be a fantastic dad. Julianna would be our little Princess and I couldn't wait for her to get here. We'd finally have a family and I'd finally be a mother like I had always wanted.

Now, all we can do is wait and hope Julianna arrives healthy and hopefully, soon.

### Chapter Sixteen

It was so nice to finally be able to go outside and do things on my own again. You take advantage of little things like this, but when you can't do them anymore, it's frustrating. Logan and I had a lovely day together, we stayed outside for quite some time, but I needed the fresh air and I'm sure Julianna enjoyed it too.

Afterward, Katie came to visit for a bit, then we went to bed. As always, Logan slept with me and refused to go home. Not that I minded, of course, but I'm sure he'd like to sleep in a comfortable bed. Hospital beds are made for one person, not two, but he insisted. We may have been a little crowded, but we managed.

"Care? Time to get up." Logan says, shaking me. My eyes fluttered open as I looked at the time, "Logan, it's five in the morning?"

"I know exactly what time it is and you need to get up and get ready to go." As soon as I heard 'go', I sat up, "Go where?"

He smirks, "I just talked to Dr. Salins and she said you and Julianna did very well yesterday. She's allowing us to go to the beach house-"

I shriek in excitement. "Seriously? We're leaving right now?"

"Yes, but there are conditions. She made it very clear that we were only to stay one night and we had to be back here by tomorrow evening."

"I have no problem with that! I'll get ready!" Within fifteen minutes, I was ready to go. Logan said that had to be a record and it probably was. I just wanted to get away from the hospital and relax. I just wanted it to be Logan and me, after all, this was probably the last time we'd be alone for a long time...

On the way out of town, Logan stopped by a local ice cream parlor and got us both a milkshake. We've gotten to know each other so well now, that we don't even have to talk to one another, we know exactly what the other is thinking. I kind of enjoyed that part of marriage. Not only was he my husband, but he was also my best friend. I could count on him no matter what.

It seemed like it took forever to get to the beach. It was only an hour away, but I guess the excitement had gotten to me and it seemed like time passed so slowly. But eventually, the white, two-story house came into view. It felt like I hadn't been here in ages, when really, it hadn't even been a year.

When Logan parked the SUV, which we both called the Pacifier now, I nearly jumped out of my seat. I was the first one to the door and when I unlocked it and walked in, I felt like we had never left. Everything was exactly the way we had left it, it even smelled the same. I went over to the couch and laid down. I threw my keys on the end table and just relaxed.

When Logan came in with our luggage, he groaned. "Ah, come on, Care. I didn't bring you here just to lay around all day." He pushed my legs aside and sat down at the end of the couch.

"I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet."

"And how long is this going to take?" He asks.

I looked up at him, "Why?"

He smirked. "I had other things in mind."

I rolled my eyes. I knew exactly what that meant, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. "Logan, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be calm and take it easy. Remember, I'm supposed to avoid going into labor, not be thrown into it."

Apparently, he hadn't thought of that. "Okay... Then we'll just enjoy each others company." I knew he didn't want to make me feel bad, but I kind of did. This was supposed to be our time and honestly, if I hadn't of went into labor already, I wouldn't have said a word, but I knew it was too early to have her right now and anything could start the labor again. "Hey, I have an idea... You stay in here until I come and get you, alright?"

I nodded as he went into the kitchen. Wonder what he's up to...

It was almost an hour later before he came back, he lead me outside to the beach, where he had sat up a picnic. It was cute and I enjoyed our little outing. After we finished eating, we laid back and watched the sun come up. I felt like I was at a spa, Logan definitely spoiled me that day, but I needed it.

That night we cuddled by the fireplace and watched some of our old favorite movies. After the first, I began feeling a little odd and had a sudden sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I didn't want to scare Logan, so I excused myself and went into the bathroom. I realized that I was bleeding, pretty heavily, and had to change clothes. I thought nothing of it, it was just one of those pregnancy things that came up here and there.

Once I cleaned myself up, I started to go back out to Logan, but I didn't make it... As soon as I stepped foot back into the hallway, my vision became blurry and dark spots took over. I was getting dizzy and I reached out for the wall to keep me upright, but I missed and fell to the ground. I tried to cry out for Logan, but my voice was gone.

I saw nothing but darkness.

Logan's Point of View

It seemed like we had only been here a few hours when really we'd been here all day. I was a little upset that we had to leave so soon, but I knew it was best for Caroline and Julianna this way...

I had just started the second movie when Caroline left to go to the bathroom. I watched it for a few minutes but paused it after I noticed she had been gone for quite some time. Suddenly, I got a really bad feeling and that's when I heard it.

It sounded like something had fallen... Or rather someone. I jumped up off the bed and started calling out to her, "Caroline? Did you drop something?" I asked but no one responded. When I turned the corner to the hallway, my worst nightmare lay in front of me. Caroline was on the floor, face down. "Care? Care!" I ran over to her and flipped her over. I watched as her chest rose up and down very slowly. She was alive, thank God!

I continued to talk to her, but she wouldn't come to. I grabbed my cell phone and called 911 as fast as I could. They kept assuring me that they were only minutes away, but those minutes seemed like forever. After I unlocked the front door, I went back to her and kept trying to wake her up, "You can't do this to me, Caroline! You've got to wake up!" Nothing seemed to work and after the EMT's finally arrived, they asked me a ton of questions like how far along she was, had she had any medical problems, was she complaining about anything when she passed out. I answered them all, the best I could.

They quickly put her on a stretcher and put an oxygen mask over her face. Once they picked her up, we all noticed a pool of blood where she had laid. The EMT's looked at one another and started moving faster than before. I knew that wasn't good and by the time we got into the ambulance, the guy quickly started driving as the female tried to get an IV started all while she talked to the hospital. "Pregnant female. Approximately twenty-five years old. Husband found her unresponsive in the hallway right after he heard her fall. The patient was lying in a pool of blood, suspecting possible hemorrhage."

Hemorrhage? Oh, God. I knew what that was and it was never good... I kept watching her, not knowing what to do, I grabbed her hand. I kept praying she'd be alright, I can't lose her, she's all I have. I love her.

We arrived at the hospital in about six minutes, they rolled her out of the ambulance and into the ER entrance. That's when I had to let her go. I watched them as they disappeared down a hall. I looked up and the sign said OR. They were going to take the baby.

Why didn't I talk her out of this? Why didn't we just stay at the hospital? I rested my back against the wall and slid down onto the floor. I knew I had to call my mom and Katie. I did, but I couldn't even tell them what was wrong. I was at a loss for words and that's when they realized it was bad. They promised they'd be here as quick as they could but I didn't care. I needed her to be okay. She was my Caroline... My sweet, sweet Caroline.

"Please, dear God, don't let me lose her. I need her." I prayed over and over. "Nick, buddy, if you're listening, please watch over her... Don't let me lose her yet, please!"

Caroline's Point of View

Where in the world was I? I looked around and saw the bridge... Wait, the bridge? Wasn't I at the beach house? Then it all hit me... The blood... The dizziness. I looked down at myself and saw that my baby bump was gone, I was dressed in white and almost glowing. When I looked back up, I saw someone with their back turned to me... "Nick?" I muttered out loud.

He turned quickly and looked at me. Then he began to panic, "Caroline? What are you doing here? No. No! Go back!" He cried.

I shook my head, "What are you talking about? Why are you in my dreams?"

A tear escaped his eyes, "Care, you're not dreaming... You're really here... You're dying..." He whispered, then all of a sudden, his voice became fierce, "Go back! You can't leave him like this! This was your happy ending, don't you see? He needs you, Caroline... Julianna needs you."

"Julianna?"

"They just took her from you, you were suffering from a severe hemorrhage. They had no choice. She's fine, don't worry... I can't say the same for you..."

"But, Nick, I don't want to leave him..." I cry.

"Then don't! Fight back! Open your eyes, Care! Wake up!"

Nick? What's happening? I felt like I was falling and then all of a sudden it stopped.

"Please, Care. Wake up..." Logan mutters. I felt him grasping my hand. Wasn't I dead? "Julianna's beautiful... She looks just like you... They said she would be fine after a few weeks in the NICU." I heard his breath catch. He was crying. Over me. "Please, Caroline. Don't leave me here, I can't go through this again. You're my life. I need you here with me. Now, wake up!" He begs and kisses my hand, "You'll always be the one, Care. No one else will ever matter to me."

I smile, "And you'll always be mine." Finally! My body was cooperating with me! My eyes fluttered open as I looked at him. It felt like the first time all over again. I actually got butterflies.

He smiled at me, "You're alive? Mom!" He cried.

"Why on earth would you even think I'd ever leave you, Captain?" He laughs as Helen, Alex, the General and Katie entered the room. They all had been crying, you could tell, and at that very moment, I had never felt more loved in all my life, but at the same time, I just wanted to see my baby.

"I want to see her." I looked at Logan as he nodded. He left the room momentarily and when he returned, he was pushing an incubator. "I think Julianna Nicole wants to meet Mommy..." She looked perfect. She was swaddled up in a pink blanket with a little pink hat. She was my life now.

I finally had a family.

### Epilogue

After two weeks of being in the hospital, Julianna got to come home. The Doctor's were pretty surprised that she had done so well, but even after being born nearly two months early, she weighed about seven pounds, a pretty healthy weight for a newborn. She didn't appear to have any health problems and neither did I. After she was born, I didn't have any seizures or any bleeding problems like they had expected. The worst part was probably healing up after a C-section, that was a little painful.

Logan's anxiousness subsided as soon as we got home. We took turns feeding and changing and ultimately, we did very well. The first couple of weeks were a bit rough, but only because we weren't used to running off of only a few hours of sleep. That took some getting used to, but other than that, we didn't really have any problems.

Now, Julianna's a healthy five-year-old. She's ahead of most of her kindergarten class and by the third month of school, she knew the entire alphabet and could count to fifty all by herself. She was a lot like Logan in many ways. She loved to make people laugh and you couldn't catch her angry very often. She did get a little moody when Daddy wouldn't let her have sour patch kids after dinner...

Wonder who she gets that from?

When Julianna was three years old, Logan and I tried for another baby. We were hesitant at first, considering all the problems that had occurred with Julianna, but after talking with Dr. Salins, she assured me that most women do have trouble with their first child. Logan and I decided that we really did want one more and that following Spring, Jackson Nickolas Cook was born. I didn't have any issues with him, pregnancy was a breeze that time around and I don't recall having any unusual cravings other than a little ice cream here and there.

Jackson just had his second birthday a few weeks ago, he definitely acts like me. Even at just two years old, he'll speak his mind, that's for sure. Logan tells me all the time he's a momma's boy, I guess he is, but I love both my children equally.

Being a mother was more exciting than I had expected. They could be a handful at times, but they were children, what do you expect? As I predicted, Logan was a wonderful father. Through the summer, every evening, after he got off work, he'd come home and take the kids to the park. That way, we'd both get bonding time.

As for Helen, she and Alex moved to town a few months after Julianna was born. They couldn't stand being half way across the country anymore, so they picked up and moved about ten minutes away from us. I enjoyed having them nearby and Helen loved sending Logan and me on our weekly date night, so she could spend time with the kids.

In other news, Logan is likely to be getting a promotion soon. The General has decided to retire within the next year and he keeps hinting to Logan that he's going to put in a good word for him. Logan was absolutely on cloud nine over this, I was just as happy as he was. His entire career had been based upon the military and I honestly couldn't see him working anywhere else...

After Julianna was born, Nick stopped appearing to me in my dreams. I was a little worried, but right before Jackson was born, he appeared again. He said he knew I was worried, but the only reason he kept seeing me was because I needed him. He said that now, Logan's promise was fulfilled. I was taken care of and Nick wasn't worried. He told me I didn't need him but he would forever watch over us.

He was right, I knew he was there and the funny thing was, right after Jackson's birthday, Logan and I took the kids to Kentucky for a visit. We had some new family photos taken at the bridge and when the photographer sent us the pictures, one in particular caught our attention... Julianna and Jackson were climbing up the railing on the bridge and when we looked in the corner, we saw a white mist. It was Nick, I just knew it. He really was watching over us.

It was still hard for me to believe, that such a tragedy brought Logan and me together. I lost Nick, he lost Julie, but in the end, everything worked out for the best. I met my soul mate and had two of the best children a mother could ask for.

I finally had my fairytale and I hoped it would never end.

###

Thank you so much for reading my book. This series was the first novels I ever wrote and I can't believe their officially published. If you enjoyed them, please do feel free to rate and review them at your favorite retailer!

Thanks!

Cheyenne Barnett

### Acknowledgements

To my loving family, thank you for supporting me on what seemed like a never-ending journey. To momma and daddy, for allowing me to be myself and encouraging me to do what I love best. To momma, especially, for reading my books and helping me with editing. To granny and papaw, for raising me to be a strong willed woman.

To Heather, for answering the phone and listening to me babble on and on about each chapter. For being there when I needed her and supporting me in my odd dream.

To all my wonderful fans on Wattpad, for giving me the chance to tell Logan and Caroline's story and always encouraging me to continue. There would be no sequel without you!

And lastly to you, the reader, you are the reason I'm here, today and tomorrow. Without you, there would be no Cheyenne Barnett, the author. I cannot thank you enough!

### About the Author

Cheyenne began writing at an early age. When she was just 11 years old, she began posting fanfictions online, but it wasn't until she was 17, that she finally ventured out and started her very first fiction novel called, _What Hurts The Most_. She published the army romance novel on Wattpad and it became an instant hit with army wives everywhere. Now, 18, Cheyenne has begun her six-year journey through college, in hopes of becoming a Nurse Practitioner.

### Discover Other Titles by Cheyenne Barnett

What Hurts The Most

Don't You Remember

Heartbreak Warfare

### Connect with Cheyenne

**Friend me on Facebook:** https://www.facebook.com/CheyenneBarnettAuthor

**Favorite me at Smashwords:** <https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CheyenneRayne>
