Middle Ages entice us. No smartphones, offices
and ads on every corner. Only exciting crusades,
clean air and rich social life. But what exactly
would happen if you traveled back in time?
Let’s go there together. Fasten your seat-belts.
Little historical background. Middle Ages
started from the fall of the Western Roman
Empire in the four hundred seventy-six AD.
They ended with the fall of Byzantine Empire
and at the start of Renaissance. Around 15th
century. A thousand years of fun. America
was discovered. Crusaders went for Jerusalem.
Vikings raped Europe while plague raped everybody.
Most people think that only noblemen lived
decently and that common people were cucked.
But we will use another approach. Let’s
assume you’re a typical English knight from
Crusaders times whose life must be full of
magnificent adventures. Your day starts at
five am. You’re having breakfast and start
training. If you’re a real knight you would,
of course, almost sleep in your armor. Keep
in mind it weighted from ten to thirty kilograms.
Forget those funny things they wear for cosplays.
Full equipment of a modern trooper rarely
makes up to thirty kilograms. Most of which
falls on the backpack. Knights were not so
lucky. Armor covered even limbs. Royal Society
conducted an experiment in which they dressed
people in knight armor and put them on race
tracks. Even walking took 2 times more energy,
while running took 4 times more energy. So,
when you look at pictures and dream of becoming
a knight be ready that every move will be
two times harder for you to make. Now don’t
forget that a real knight always carries his
sword with him. But it’s a myth that they
weighed eighteen kilograms. It wasn’t that
bad. A British historian Edward Oushcord says
that a usual bastard sword rarely weighed
more than 2 kilograms. Which is quite reasonable
because you have to start to learn sword fighting
from the earliest age. A child wouldn’t
be able to pick up a twenty kilograms sword.
Speaking of children. If you’re a knight
you probably have an armor bearer that helps
carrying stuff around. A poor boy dreams of
surviving to his adolescence and becoming
a knight himself. Of course, he has to be
of a gentle blood. Common people were armor
bearers for life. They had very little chance
to be knighted. Okay, basics are covered.
We have an armor bearer. Now we’re ready
to become a crusader. Not every knight was
a crusader. You had to earn it. The rules
were strict. You couldn’t go on your own.
Crusades were ordered by the pope. But even
if we have the order, we need to a permission.
If we are a typical knight, we’re someone’s
vassal. Let’s armor up, saddle a horse,
take our armor bearer and go to our overlord
for permission. Crusaders took years. Not
every lord was happy about it. Luckily, people
believed in crusades and in 99% of the cases
permissions were successfully granted. But
even now we are still not a crusader. Of course,
we have to go to a church a take a vow. There
we will be asked about our sins and finances.
It’s important because you will be on the
road for three years and you’ve got to have
something to eat. If you’re leaving a family
behind, they’ve got to live on something.
Don’t worry. We are a noble knight and our
sins will be forgiven. Even money wasn’t
a problem. Church took care of its soldiers.
There was so called Saladin Tithe. Every European
citizen paid the tenth for crusaders or else
they could be banned from going to church.
It was a death penalty then. There were some
exception when knights sold their estate to
go on a crusade. We’re luckier and we have
money. The final bonus is that court spiritual
promised to defend our family for the time
of our crusade. It means that no money lander
can go for them while we’re crusading. If
someone robs us, the church will move mountains,
but will find the bastard. They did everything
to help crusaders focus on Jerusalem. After
consultations and long prayers we take a vow
and become a crusader. Now we have the right
to put a white cross on our armor and even
the lowest will bow to us. Now things will
get boring again. We have to leave our cozy
estate in Manchester and go to Jerusalem which
is five thousand kilometers away. There are
few options. Either you would pass English
Channel to go to Italy to sail on a ship or
sail right away. It wasn’t easy. Even with
the financial help from the church you had
to pay for a good sit. Okay, no problem. The
real problem lies in Jerusalem and Middle
Ages. Allied Europe wasn’t such an ally
after all. France and England were fighting
for Normandy. Thanks to this in the third
crusade they went separately. The famous Frederick
Barbarossa died on the way. As a result instead
of ten thousand equipped Germans only the
tenth part of the army reached the lands of
Saladin. Such things happened in the first
crusades too. Quite often allies started to
fight with each other, slavs and Orthodox
Christians whom Catholics deemed as their
enemies. So, most probably our English crusader
could have ended his life on a sword of a
Greek rebel. Also don’t forget about wonderful
malaria. Even now horrible disease kills a
million of people a year. Imagine how many
crusaders died from it. The son of Frederick
Barbarossa, duke Friedrich, who, at least,
managed to reach Antioch died from malaria
as every tenth crusader around him. Short
commons also took its toll. Dried fruits and
dreary diet led to another horrible illness.
Scurvy. It almost killed Richard the Lionheart,
taking away his hair and nails. Usual knights
seen worse. There is a famous story. In one
thousand ninety-eight when crusaders took
Syrian fortress Ma'arra they resorted to Cannibalism.
And don’t get me started on such banal things
as dysentery. Just remember the story of French
king Louis the Tenth. He suffered so much
that they cut the rear part of his pants.
Even if our crusader survived everything the
battles in the Arabian Desert were ruthless.
Remember the weight of our armor? Now imagine
it’s one hundred four degrees Fahrenheit.
While you’re being attacked by the fiercest
enemy – those who embrace another religion.
There were no Дженива conventions and
human rights. Human life costed nothing. People
were burnt and tortured in the cruelest ways.
To these days’ historians cannot count the
number of died crusaders. Even from the most
successful crusades only two thirds went home.
The worse of them, like the second crusade,
European armies were almost completely destroyed.
The chances to come back home were thirty
percent at best. Then you had to recover both
psychologically and physiologically for a
very long time. And there were no trophies.
Sacred relics were given to church. Сэрасинс
and Turks had nothing else to offer anyway.
Most often the church ceased to provide help
and crusaders had to survive on their own.
There are some good news. A returned crusader
glorified his home. Even the next generation
was bearing the title proudly which helped
to find a job or marry a wealthy girl. So,
every time you dream of becoming a crusader
don’t think about the battles, think about
the smell in the tents where everybody showered
for the last time in Europe. While half of
the people suffers from malaria, dysentery
and other joys of life. Now think about the
little chance you had to return home and ask
yourself a question: “is it better to watch
videos on Youtube, sitting in my cozy room,
or going for the knight fights?”. Let me
know what you think in comments. See you soon.
