LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I BRING TO YOU NOW BLACK BUSH.
female narrator:
PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES
TO MAKE HIS CASE
FOR AN INVASION OF IRAQ.
- AFTER CAREFULLY
EXAMINING THE REGION,
ME AND MY CABINET AGREE
THAT THAT AREA
IS DEFINITELY RIPE
FOR REGIME CHANGE.
- A'IGHT?
- BUT IF I CAN BE
REAL ABOUT IT--
- BE REAL, SON.
- REAL?
- BE REAL REAL, SON.
- TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER, MAN.
all:
WORD.
- I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT.
- SAY WORD, HE TRIED
TO KILL YOUR FATHER, SON.
- THAT NIGGA TRIED
TO KILL MY FATHER!
- WORD TO
EVERYTHING WE LOVE,
WE COMING TO SEE Y'ALL, SON.
announcer:
MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BUSH
AND BRITISH PRIME MINISTER
TONY BLAIR
OFFERED A SPIRITED EXPLANATION
FOR A POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAQ.
- THIS NIGGA VERY POSSIBLY
HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
I CAN'T SLEEP ON THAT.
NOT ON MY WATCH!
THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.
THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS!
NOW, IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT,
WHY DON'T YOU ASK
TONY BLAIR?
HE GOT A WHOLE NOTHER
SET OF INTELLIGENCE.
WHAT'S UP, TONY?
- WE DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT SADDAM,
BUT WE CAN'T TRUST
RANDOM NIGGAS
WITH THINGS LIKE THAT,
AS GEORGE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT.
I'M WITH HIM
100% OF THE WAY.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAS.
male narrator: IF THE UNITED
STATES GOES TO WAR WITH IRAQ,
WILL IT FIRST HAVE
TO PROVIDE EVIDENCE
THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN
HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?
SO FAR, THE U.N.
HAS FOUND NOTHING,
BUT PRESIDENT BUSH
COUNTERS WITH THIS:
- THE NIGGER BOUGHT
ALUMINUM TUBES!
DO I NEED TO TELL YOU
WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DO
WITH AN ALUMINUM TUBE?
ALUMINUM!
THAT DON'T SCARE YOU?
FINE.
I DIDN'T WANT SAY THIS.
THE (BLEEP) BOUGHT SOME
YELLOW CAKE, OKAY, IN AFRICA.
HE WENT TO AFRICA,
AND HE BOUGHT YELLOW CAKE.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, I'M SURE, BITCH!
I GOT THE HEAD OF C.I.A.
RIGHT HERE--HE'LL TELL YOU!
- WHAT UP?
ARE YOU SURE?
ARE YOU SURE?
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
RIDICULOUS!
ME AND JEB JUST
COMING BACK FROM AFRICA.
- CRADLE OF (BLEEP)
CIVILIZATION.
- AND THIS NIGGA OUT HERE
BUYING YELLOW CAKE.
- FROM THE MOTHERLAND.
- ARE YOU SURE
IT WAS YELLOW CAKE?
- Y'ALL NIGGAS
DON'T BELIEVE ME,
I GOT SOME YELLOW CAKE
RIGHT HERE!
LOOK, YOU SEE?
YOU BELIEVE THIS (BLEEP) NOW?
- DON'T DROP THAT (BLEEP)!
- I KNOW.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!
THAT'S WHY I GOT IT WRAPPED UP
IN THIS SPECIAL C.I.A. NAPKIN.
- JUST DON'T
DROP THAT (BLEEP) HERE.
- YOU BETTER HOPE
I DON'T DROP THIS (BLEEP)!
- PRAY TO GOD
YOU DON'T DROP THAT (BLEEP).
- YELLOW CAKE.
- (BLEEP) RIGHT.
male announcer:
A SENSITIVE ACCUSATION
FOR THIS ADMINISTRATION
IS THE THEORY HELD BY MANY
THAT THE REAL REASON
THE U.S. IS SO INTERESTED
IN TOPPLING SADDAM
IS CONTROL OF THE OIL
THAT IRAQ IS SITTING ON.
- WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SAY
YOU'RE ONLY INTERESTED
IN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR OIL?
- WHAT?
HUH?
OIL?
WHO SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT OIL, BITCH?
ARE YOU COOKING?
OIL?
MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT--
COME ON Y'ALL.
GET OUT OF HERE!
announcer:
PRESIDENT BUSH MET
WITH U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL
KOFI ANNAN
AND MADE IT CLEAR
THE U.S. WILL ACT
EVEN IF THE U.N.
IS RELUCTANT.
- U.N., YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH THAT,
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
YOU SHOULD SANCTION ME.
SANCTION ME WITH YOUR ARMY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARMY!
I GUESS THAT MEANS
YOU NEED TO SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP!
THAT'S WHAT I'D DO
IF I DIDN'T HAVE NO ARMY.
I WOULD SHH!
THE (BLEEP) UP.
SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP!
THAT'S RIGHT,
KOFI ANNAN.
THINK I'M GONNA
TAKE ORDERS FROM AN AFRICAN?
YOU MIGHT SPEAK 16 LANGUAGES,
BUT YOU GONNA NEED THEM
WHEN YOU IN TIMES SQUARE
SELLING FAKE HATS.
I KNOW GUCCI
WHEN I SEE IT, NIGGA.
I'M RICH.
I GOT A COALITION
OF THE WILLING.
I GOT 40 NATIONS
READY TO ROLL, SON!
- LIKE WHO?
- WHO THE (BLEEP) SAID THAT?
HUH?
HUH?
LIKE WHO?
ENGLAND.
JAPAN'S SENDING PLAYSTATIONS.
STANKONIA SAID THEY'RE WILLING
TO DROP BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD.
RICKETY ROW IS COMING!
AFRIKA BAMBAATAA
AND THE ZULU NATION.
THAT MEANS I AM NOT
DOING THIS BY MYSELF,
AND I AM NOT
DISRESPECTING THE U.N.,
EVEN THOUGH
THEY DON'T GOT NO ARMY.
GO SELL SOME MEDICINE, BITCHES!
I'M TRYING TO GET THAT OIL--
OH!
[coughs]
female announcer: THE U.S.
FIRED THE OPENING SALVO
IN THE WAR ON IRAQ
WITH AT LEAST 40 TOMAHAWK
CRUISE MISSILES
AND PRECISION GUIDED BOMBS,
CENTERING ON BAGHDAD.
[Hail to the Chief playing]
male announcer:
GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH
IS ON BOARD
THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER
U.S.S. ABRAHAM LINCOLN
OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST.
IT WILL BE THE SITE
OF WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY
HIS VICTORY SPEECH
IN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ.
- [clears throat]
WHAT DID I SAY?
I'M NOT GLOATING,
BUT WHAT DID I SAY?
DID I NOT SAY
THAT WE WOULD WIN THAT SHIT?
WE ROCKED THEM 'BAMAS!
WE ROCKED THEM!
[whispering] NIGGA, YOU SEE ME
COME IN ON THAT PLANE?
SHHHHOOO.
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAH!
announcer:
FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT DAY,
THESE HARD-LINE IRAQIS
PROTESTED THE AMERICAN
PRESENCE HERE.
- MR. PRESIDENT,
WHEN DO YOU THINK
THEY'LL HOLD
GENERAL ELECTIONS IN IRAQ?
- DAMN, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T
HAVE CALLED ON THIS NIGGA!
I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED ON YOU
'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS
TRYING TO DISTRACT
MOTHER(BLEEP)S
WITH THINGS LIKE THE WAR
AND SKIRT ALL THE REAL ISSUES.
GAY PEOPLE ARE
GETTING MARRIED, FOLKS.
YES.
NASTY!
IMAGINE THAT.
TWO WOMEN TOUCHING
ON EACH OTHER'S TITTIE BALLS,
WRESTLING THEM,
GENTLY STROKING
THOSE NIPPLES
TILL THEY GET
JUST SO STIFF AND ERECT!
BLOWING ON THEM.
[blowing]
MEN.
BARBECUE.
"I LIKE YOU."
"I LIKE YOU TOO, DOG."
"LET'S GET MARRIED, MAN."
IT'S CRAZY!
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR--
- THAT (BLEEP) IS GROSS!
- MR. PRESIDENT.
MR. PRESIDENT, SIR.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
THE CONTINUAL UPHEAVAL IN IRAQ
EVEN AFTER THE CAPTURE
OF SADDAM HUSSEIN?
- WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS, MAN?
I THOUGHT YOU WAS
MY BLACK BROTHER.
WHY YOU ASKING ME
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
FINE, I'LL ANSWER
YOUR STUPID-ASS QUESTION.
HERE'S WHAT I FEEL
ABOUT IRAQ.
I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS KEEP TRYING
TO DISTRACT PEOPLE WITH IRAQ
WHEN I'M FOCUSING
ON OTHER THINGS,
NAMELY THE MOON.
YES, I SAID IT,
THE MOON.
CAN'T BE DISTRACTED.
"WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THE WAR?
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE ECONOMY?"
STOP WORRYING ABOUT THAT!
I GOT THAT (BLEEP) UNDER CONTROL!
LET'S FOCUS
ON SPACE, NIGGA.
THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE.
'CAUSE I AIN'T
STOPPING AT THE MOON.
WRITE THIS DOWN:
M-A-R-S.
MARS, BITCHES.
THAT'S WHERE WE ARE GOING.
MARS.
RED ROCKS!
- YEAH, YEAH!
