Welcome everybody to today's webinar
it's really great to see when we're
looking at the registration so many so
many of you really interested to attend
today so a we really appreciate your
time and and spending Mahara I'm
assuming is your lunch hour with us this
afternoon to talk a little bit more
about navigating difficult conversations
my name is Adrian I am a Principal
Consultant and Psychologist here at
Peter Berry Consultancy so it's my
absolute pleasure to talk a little bit
more about how we navigate difficult
conversations I know just by looking at
some of the the registrations that we've
got people from all across different
interesting industries that you know the
public sector the private sector and
not-for-profit so I think it seems like
this is something that is very much in
front of mine regardless of what
industry you're in regardless of what
level of leadership you're in as well so
I'm really excited to talk a bit more
about about this. So just a few
housekeeping pieces before we get into
the content this afternoon I also have
my colleague Saro who's also the
producer for this afternoon he will be
managing any of the the questions that
you might have just to ensure that
there's an ease of the webinar this
afternoon we are asking that if you have
any questions about the content or any
of the things that we talked about that
you add those questions to the Q & A
function Saro will be collating all of
those questions and we will come back to
you with an answer or reply to those
questions after the webinar so go ahead
have that chat function open you know
typing the questions along the way and
will absolutely do our best to answer
those post-webinar. The other thing that
I will ask is that if you are listening
in today if you could just again share
your  name and where you're from
that's completely private Saro
will be collecting that information as
well we're not going to publish it
anywhere publicly the reason we do ask
for that attendance in terms of name and
contact detail is just so we can
actually reply to you if you do have a
 question you know we know where to
contact you from we know where the
question is coming from so that'll just
make it a little bit easier in terms of
following up with you off the back of
the webinar today. All right well that's
pretty much it for the housekeeping so
let's get into it shall we
navigating difficult conversations, so in
terms of the agenda for the the webinar
we're going to be going through a few
different things the first thing that
we'll talk about is why so why is it
important to get this right why is it
important for the leaders to be able to
have effective conversations with people.
Why is it important for colleagues to be
able to navigate difficult conversations,
the next thing we'll be covering is the
who so really understanding the
personality and the preferences of the
individual that you are likely to be
having this conversation with but also
understanding your own personality, your
own preferences and how that can
potentially impact on how you approach
difficult conversations or giving
feedback, the next thing that we'll cover
is the when so in a frequency
informality of feedback and and what is
the difference between sort of more
immediate just-in-time feedback and
perhaps more formal performance
discussions.
Next we'll look at the what so what are
you actually going to talk about how do
you structure your conversation, what are
you doing in terms of your planning and
thinking ahead of the conversation so
that you can conduct that conversation
as effectively as you can and then
finally and most importantly how how are
you actually communicating the message
when we think about your tone the
language your positioning that is so
critical especially when it comes to any
sort of communication. So I've tried to
strip it down as as simply as I can
we've got why, who, when, what and how.
So starting with the why and the
importance of having effective
conversations
and this is where I want to talk a
little bit about some of the research
that we're doing so Peter Berry
Consultancy we're a multidisciplinary
consulting firm and a lot of work we do
is yes with personality assessments
but we also do a lot of work with our
clients leveraging multitrader feedback
through the form of 360s and I suppose
we're in a really fortunate situation
and that we've been able to gather
hundreds and thousands of data points
when it comes to leader ratings in fact
when we look at our norms and we look at
our benchmarks for leaders who have
undergone the 360.
We've bought about 17,000 leaders that
have been rated and and that's from
about 200,000 raters we've been able to
actually look at this across sectors as
well so public sector and private sector
not-for-profits and so that the results
from that are incredibly interesting and
and one of the key takeaways that we
found when we look at the research
around 360 feedback is challenging poor
performance is it's so prominent when it
comes to areas for improvement or top
areas for improvement in leaders across
industries and around the world. In fact
when we ask traders to rank their
leaders in terms of what their top
opportunities to improve are for the
private sector it's coming up at number
two so it is the second top priority
that they want to see their leaders
improve on when we look at the public
sector it's coming in at number three
and that goes for not-for-profits as
well so it is a big one it is something
that's so prominent and as you can
imagine a lot of what a difficult
conversation centers around is
absolutely around the challenging of the
poor performance what we've also found
clocking in in this sort of top top ten
areas for improvement in leaders around
the world across industries is the need
to motivate others and improve morale
this is less about challenging those
poor behaviors but more so having those
constructive conversations so that
people feel invigorate,  they feel
motivated to achieve, they feel motivated
to perform and finally the third thing
that we see in the top 10 areas for
improvement in leaders is the need to
give appropriate feedback and so you can
see here collectively these three being
a real core part of the top 10
opportunities for improvement and
leaders are very much some of the
pillars that underpin having difficult
conversations or providing feedback
so why is it important for leaders why
are these three things coming up as
those areas for improvement
what we know is that leaders are in the
best position to influence and develop
talent or shut it down
so with that authority comes that
influence and really is a
leaders responsibility to both motivate,
encourage and coach their team and
their employees but also to really
manage those development areas
appropriately or in some instances shut
down poor behavior. Secondly, feedback
can increase performance and 
confidence and engagement and just
broader skill development if the
feedback is done correctly or if it done
if it's done appropriately so when when
I talk to my clients that I'm coaching
around this concept of feedback and a
lot of them have this this sort of
element of trust they're able to build
the rapport they're they they're really
comfortable having those nice
conversations and sort of strengths
based conversations but often it's
also really critical to bring
appropriate tension through the way of
calling out some of those areas that
needs development so I think when done
correctly it is going to lift the
performance of the team it is also going
to give people you know that real
focus in terms of where they develop and
build confidence around those areas and
then lifting that overall skill. Thirdly,
you know a talent feedback conversation
isn't done to somebody it is done with
somebody right so it comes back to doing
it correctly and then not having this
just be a one-way conversation and you
know if honest ongoing feedback is given
well then these conversations don't
typically come as a surprise to the
people that you're having them with so
those are four things that that we feel
is is really imperative in terms of
understanding why this is such an
important thing to talk about
so when we get to the who we're really
going to be talking now about the role
of personality in conversations so a lot
of my role here at PBC as a Consultant
others and as a Psychologist is really
understanding that the personality that
makes up an individual and leaders and
better understanding how awareness over
your own preferences and your own
behavior your reputation will help you
navigate conversations or situations
with people who perhaps have a very
different style to yourself in addition
to that it is so important to also
understand or what is another person's
preferences style, what is their
personality say about how they're going
to approach a difficult conversation or
a feedback engagement.
So who do we have conversations with, you
know most commonly you'll find that
it is the people that report to us so
that might be a leader who is having to
have a difficult conversation with a
direct report or a team member who isn't
performing perhaps they've noticed some
behavior that isn't necessarily seen as
productive or that person just
isn't getting the results that that are
expected from them.
Difficult conversations also occur up
the chain so often it can be really
intimidating right to confront your
leader or your manager and and talk to
them really confidently and
transparently about some of the concerns
that you might have whether that's to do
with the way that they lead or their
particular leadership style and and how
it's matching your preferences giving,
your leader feedback on their own
performance, their behavior or even just
talking to them more explicitly about
how you want them to better support you
in certain situations
the third group of people that we tend
to have difficult conversations with in
the workplace are your colleagues, you
know peers and these are essentially
individuals who you work perhaps closely
with these might be people who you
collaborate with on on certain projects
or work tasks and so you may find that
the nature or the the area of concern
that the difficult conversation is about
is around maybe behavior that is
impacted on the overall team's
performance it could be about their
behavior in relation to it impacting on
your performance behavior in terms of
how they've impacted on you personally
in your feelings and in your experiences
or any other aspect that might have to
do with how they have collaborated with
you and how that is impacting on broader
project outcomes. Now often when it comes
to difficult conversations especially
when I'm talking about this with some of
my clients the immediate reaction is I
don't have formal authority to call
people out on their behavior they're not
my direct reports they're a dotted line
or we're at the same sort of level and
so I think it is just important to
recognise that it is still critical and
beneficial for you to be able to have
these transparent conversations with
your peers and with your colleagues in
order to lift overall performance of
'entertainment and the organization
and finally we tend to find that
customers are also another stakeholder
that we tend to have difficult
conversations with and this may not
necessarily be due with poor behavior or
performance but you may find that it
comes down more to managing expectations,
needing to push back needing to set
clear boundaries around what you can and
can't deliver what is reasonable
and what is unreasonable or maybe being
able to navigate a potential conflict or
really differing views on a particular
issue or a particular problem and so by
no means are these the only four sort of
stakeholders that you are going to have
difficult conversations with but if we
bring it back down to the workplace
these are probably the four most common
stakeholders that you will find. All
right, so the first big idea for this
afternoon is that understanding
personality of the other party is really
critical for you choosing what your
approach is going to be, so as a
psychologist I wouldn't be
doing myself much service if I didn't do
a little bit of research and then
digging into well what's out there what
does the literature say about our
different approaches to managing
conflict or perhaps having difficult
conversations and many of you who have
operated in this sort of space or
thought about this topic would have come
across this model the Thomas Killman
conflict management modes and I'm really
just adapting it for this purpose into
difficult conversations but at its core
it really comes down to this people tend
to approach conflict or a difficult
conversation on these two axes, there is
an assertiveness axis which would
suggest that the higher you are on this
does the more assertive you are you tend
to be somebody who naturally focuses on
your own needs, your own desired outcomes
and your agenda so it's really going
after what you want to get out of
it's going after your idea of what the
solution is it's going after what you
want the message to be in terms of
delivery. Then on the other axes we've
got cooperativeness and and this is
really more about how focused and
individual is on another person's needs
and really that focus on mutual
relationships, so when when Thomas and
Killman
looked at these two axes they had
five different approaches or five styles
that they found the first one is what
they loosely describe as dominating and
and I like to think about this as
somebody who has a really high concern
for their own self and their own
outcomes but probably less concern for
other people's desires or outcomes and
you tend to find that these people
approach any sort of difficult
conversation, conflict or issue with this
sort of zero-sum orientation it's very
much about a win-lose power struggle it
is a need to win, it is a need to be
seen as right it is a need to ensure
that your message comes across loud and
clear and so they tend to take more
forceful approaches to establish a
winning position in that engagement.
No doubt a few of you are probably
thinking about individuals in your own
world who maybe are leaning towards this
style of communication and engagement.
When you look at the bottom quadrant
here you've got perhaps lower concern
for self and own needs
and also not particularly concerned
about establishing a really mutual
relationship or a focus on other's needs
and this is determined or defined as
avoiding behavior so these individuals
tend to withdraw from situations, 
they might sidestep it, they might pass
the buck a little bit they may forego
accountability or responsibility for
having that that difficult conversation
so you tend to find a lot more of a
passive approach in these individuals
and for them it's just about maintaining
neutrality not swinging one way or the
other for them it's just it's incredibly
uncomfortable I don't like doing it I
don't think I'm the right person to do
it so I'm not going to do it.
When we look at the higher end of
cooperativeness and combine it with
lower levels of assertiveness we tend to
see a more accommodating style and so
these people tend to downplay
differences of opinion so they really
emphasis on the commonalities you know
what are we all agreeing on and it is
really maintaining that harmony but what
you may find is that they don't
necessarily stand by their own messaging
very strongly they maybe back down and
they may even concede and to the view or
the perspective of the person that they
are delivering feedback to or engaging
with.
The next quadrant here in terms of
collaborating is you know high concern
for your own agenda and your own
outcomes but also wanting to ensure that
you're meeting the needs of others and
maintaining that that mutual
relationship and harmony and so you tend
to find that these individuals they go
into these conversations looking to get
a win-win outcome so it's really
open its approachable that they're
really curious and examining a range of
different ideas and exploring different
approaches and exchanging as much
information as possible to expand the
number of potential solutions to an
issue
the fifth style is is almost this sort
of middle ground and I we call it
compromising its moderate concern for
self in others and it's a bit more of a
give-and-take orientation so if you're a
pessimist it's a bit more of a lose-lose
in that both sides are giving something
up maybe in both sides aren't getting a
hundred percent of what are they what
they wanted entering into the
conversation or the interaction but at
the end of the day they walk
away from it you know with a minimal
acceptable solution or outcome so these
are generally the five styles that we
find when it comes to conflict
management and I'm sure you can already
see how this overlays quite nicely when
it comes to having difficult
conversations and how people might
approach those. I think this will also be
useful in understanding how you as a
leader, as an individual, as the initiator
is likely to feel about a conflict or
difficult conversation but hopefully
this will also give you a bit of an idea
around well how is your own style
perhaps quite different from the
people that you might be having these
conversations with so I do work at PBC
and I wouldn't I wouldn't be a an
advocate for PBC or Hogan if I didn't over
lay a bit of Hogan language or
personality over this so I understand
there are a few of you on the on the
line in on this webinar who are Hogan
Certified at the very least there's a
lot of you who are familiar with
Hogan's as a Personality Assessment, so
 if you indulge me
I've done a little bit of thinking in
terms of well what sort of personality
characteristics,
what sort of reputational
characteristics might we see will be
attending to when we look at those
dominating, avoiding, collaborating and
compromising styles if you look at the
top left-hand corner what I've got here
are perhaps some derailleurs so darkside
tendencies natural tendencies that
people may demonstrate when there aren't
a lot of stress and pressure and that's
in the red you've got here some elements
of the bright side so you know normal
personality traits and then in the blue
some of their values so by no means has
this is this you know been a fully
validated and conducted study but if I
do a little bit of my thinking and
having spent a bit of time looking at
personality what we can probably infer
is that those who are more likely to
demonstrate bold tendencies that is
overconfidence unwillingness to give up
on a fight that that need to be right
they may come across as a lot more
assertive. People who derail by being
really colourful they can be quite
dramatic they they tend to attract a lot
of attention to themselves they may even
have a tendency to you know dramatize
and make a mountain out of a molehill
when it comes to things so it is very
much about their needs and what
they want and you tend to find skeptical
people a lot more concerned about
ensuring that they are not
being sidetracked by other people's
priority they might be a little bit more
argumentative when it comes to standing
their ground. When we look at normal
personality or the bright side
things like prudence so these are people
who want to deliver a result they want
to do things correctly there is a right
way and there is a wrong way to do
things and so you may find that they
stand very firmly behind a very
particular set of expectations and then
when you look at power this value around
you know being in that position of
authority and influence that it's really
important for these people to feel
respected and to feel heard you might
even see elements of recognition here as
well and so these are some of the things
if you are Hogan so
Certified at least you've you've been
exposed to the Hogan Personality Tools
some of the things you might need to
consider or want to consider when
thinking about who you're who you're
engaging with.
If we look on the bottom corner that
walk that avoiding tendency the
derailers associated with this at
things like leisurely behavior
now leisurely is really interesting
because on the outside it might appear
cooperative it might be a my opinion
agreeable but on the inside these
individuals who can be quite resistant
to coaching because they just say what
they think you want to hear.
They might openly agree or not
necessarily openly disagree but on the
inside will just keep doing whatever it
is that they want they might be quite
dismissive off the feedback or if they
don't see you as a credible source of
feedback or may not be paying a lot of
attention there so less likely to
genuinely take that feedback on. So they
might avoid some of these difficult
conversations as well because they don't
they did they just shut it down
quickly and get themselves out of that
uncomfortable situation and keep doing
what they want now cautious behavior
this is really about a fear of being
criticized they are people who don't
like to have their vulnerabilities
exposed and so you may find that a
highly cautious people tend to be really
apprehensive in having difficult
conversations or initiating them but
equally so people who are highly
cautious tend to to be really really
avoidant in terms of engaging in those
conversations you might not hear them
say very much respond a lot when
engaging with them and then reserved is
it's these are people who you know quite
task-oriented but maybe not particularly
communicative as far as an initiator you
may find that highly reserved
individuals don't put a lot of attention
in terms of communicating all of their
ideas and rationale they just look at
the the results minimize that the
personal contact our personal
communication and rather would just move
forward and get things done
as a recipient highly reserved people
you don't expect them to talk very much
they might shut down they you know
they're more introverted tendencies
might really come out to play and it
might be really difficult to to get any
sort of input or reflection from them.
Looking at interpersonal sensitivity,
altruism and dutiful these are really
cooperative
elements so the interpersonal
sensitivity are these people who are
high on this they warm they're
friendly they're they're approachable
they're tactful people who are also
really altruistic care a lot more about
other people's needs than their own and
when you combine this with highly
dutiful behavior this sort of excessive
eagerness to please other people and
conform you may find that they they fold
really really quickly to other people's
needs or priorities and so as an
initiator just be really mindful that
these are the things that can sometimes
get in the way, these are the the
personality characteristics that can
make these sort of conversations
particularly uncomfortable
and then if we look at the top right
ambition, sociability and inquisitive in
addition to that affiliation value is
really about collaborating it's about
asking questions, its about exploring the
situation and we've got ambition there
because it is about achieving a win-win
outcome it's not about you know just
conceding.
The sociability in the affiliation
really tapping into that that sort of
socialisation of ideas and communication
and then when you've got the middle
the compromise you can see that
adjustment plays a part in that and I'm
going to talk a little bit about what
this might mean but you may find that
people who are really high on adjustment
to who really optimistic self-assured
that they may not apply a lot of sense
of urgency here so you may find that
highest score is an adjustment or more
willing to concede it's not a big deal
if they don't get the outcome that they
want it's not the end of the world at
least we got an outcome and so you might
find that high level of resilience
or composure or optimism plays a big
part in terms of that compromising
approach. All right so just a little bit
of thinking there in terms of the
signs of personality, how that overlays
on this model of conflict management. On
the on the idea of adjustment you know I
think this is a really important thing
to consider for those of you who are
familiar with Hogan's you will know that
adjustment really is that measure of
composure, resilience, emotional stability
for those of you who may be less
familiar with this sort of language just
think about that broader 
construct of resilience, that broader
construct of how well a person manages
their stress and anxiety and worry and
you tend to find that people who are
really comfortable in that space they're
going to respond to feedback generally
well and calmly they're not going to get
overly emotional about it. That they're
not going to be overly volatile in that
engagement but the watch out is highly
resilient, composed and insured people
can sometimes come across as lacking
that sense of urgency you know a lot of
things kind of just it's bit of a water
off a duck's back you know it is it is
what it is they'll take it with take it
on the chin but you may find that for
them it is it is really about promoting
that sense of urgency around a critical
issue.
When it comes to lower adjustment
individuals or people more prone to
stress, anxiety, irritability expecting to
be already aware of their performance
deficits they probably already given
themselves some feedback how they they
tend to be their own worst self critics
and so they generally quite open and
accepting off feedback however just be
really mindful of how that is delivered
because they have a particular tendency
to take it on really personally they
might ruminate on that one thing that
you caught out as opposed to all of the
other really great stuff that youyou
were giving them feedback on and that
can promote a perhaps a really emotional
response from them so just be mindful of
how this person manages their 
anxiety, their stress and their emotions
as well. Alright so we've gone through
the why, why is it important for leaders
we've talked a little bit about the who
and the consideration of personality
both as the initiator as well as the
recipient of the the difficult
conversation or feedback we're going to
now talk about when. So understanding the
nature of different conversations is
really important and so this leads me to
my second idea of the afternoon which is
the nature of the feedback conversation
really does help you determine the
approach that you take. So to give you a
bit more of an understanding of what I
mean by the nature of a conversation I'd
like you to consider this sort of
framework it's a base around frequency
and formality, ok so look like any good
Consultant I love my two by twos and this is
no exception
if we split this into a two by two
matrix what you've essentially got here
on this left top quadrant here is any
sort of conversation that is happening
frequently but the formality is low
right so we call that just-in-time
feedback and you may find that this is
really beneficial you know you come out
of a meeting some things went really
well some things didn't go particularly
well and it's
walk in the corridor over to your next
meeting where you might catch somebody
and just have a bit more of an
informal discussion about how it went,
what went well what could been done differently so
it's that just-in-time frequent informal
feedback that becomes really important
and what you tend to find is that the
more of these that are occurring with
your colleagues, with your direct reports
with your manager, the the less intense
or intimidating difficult conversations
are going to be and so you often find
that difficult conversations occur when
there hasn't been enough just-in-time
frequent feedback and so things have
built up,
they've escalated now it's become a
particular pain point and so hopefully
these aren't frequent but the formality
of these tend to be a little bit higher
and the formality is really driven by a
sense of that urgency or the criticality
of whatever the feedback is around, so
these are the two that we're really
going to be exploring today in terms of
navigating if you've got something that
is high frequency and high form
formality that they're generally
performance management conversations so
you may find that it's just
constant, things are not
happening well you're not hitting the
mark and it is a very formal instructed
conversation there, you may find that
this happens on a semi-regular basis as
well if you're not doing any of it
so there's low formality, there's low
frequency these are you just having nice
conversations with people and not really
having them much
you're pretty absent as a leader and so
you know you're not getting you don't
delivering the feedback and you know
there's there's no sense of urgency
around that so just be mindful of you
know that frequency in formality there.
Like I said let's focus on the
just-in-time feedback firstly and this
is where I want to introduce this
model and again for those of you who
have been thinking about difficult
conversations this model of situation
behavior impact probably isn't new but I
thought really worth taking taking
everyone through and it is adapted from
the sender of creative leadership so the
team they've done a really nice job of
simplifying this and really the model
comes down to this describing a
situation being specific about when and
where it occurred, then describing their
specific behavior that you saw and
observed keep them to the facts and not
assuming but you know what that person
was thinking or the intent behind the
behavior and then finally what the
impact of that behavior was on you on
the situation you know what you thought
or felt in response to that behavior. So
I find that this is actually an
incredibly simple but incredibly
powerful approach when you're having
those frequent corridor conversations
just-in-time feedback conversations you
can literally have them in a
matter of minutes and you might find
that it goes something like this right
so this morning at 11:00 a.m.
during that team meeting right so we're
specific about the situation, when it
occurred you can see here this morning
so it's happening timely I'm imagining
this is happening maybe in the afternoon
at some point then our reference to the
specific behavior so this morning at
11:00 a.m. in that meeting I notice that
you interrupted me while I was telling
the rest of the team about the monthly
budget so notice that we're not
inferring anything about their character,
we're not attacking them personally what
we're doing here is stating an observed
behavior there was an interruption
during a presentation or a review
and then talking about the impact so if
for whatever reason you know maybe this
is a positive piece of feedback that
you're giving then you might want to use
words like you know I was really happy I
was really proud about the way that you
handled that situation I was impressed
when you address that issue without
being asked right so when you
interrupted me I was really impressed
that you picked that up
it really helped me identify some of
those gaps there in terms of my
preparation. If it's negative and it's a
behavior that you are calling out that
might need to be managed or stopped then
you might want to use words like
concerned or worried so you know during
that morning meeting at 11:00 a.m. you
interrupted me when I was telling the
team about the budget and I felt
frustrated when you interrupted me
because it broke my train of thought so
two impacts here impact on personal
frustration impact on approach to the
task and so it's really simple it's not
rocket science but I think having that
sort of structure can sometimes give you
the the confidence to approach these
conversations and they're not
as intimidating now it
doesn't necessarily stop there and so
what we're also proposing is that when
you start to to really develop the skill
around giving that just-in-time feedback
also think about the different set of
behaviors that you would want to see
changed and what the different impact
would have been if that behavior would
be demonstrated. So when we look at the
example here it is a SBI-BI model so
what is the new behavior well I would
appreciate it if next time you could
make note of your thought or suggestion
and present your idea or a question
after I've gone through the budget, so
it's an alternative suggestion to an
alternative behavior and actually
specifically addressing what the impact
of that would have been so by doing this
you are going to help me keep on track
and address your thoughts appropriately
okay so SBI Situation Behavior Impact
and then consider well what behavior
would you like to see and what is the
alternate positive impact that that new
behavior is likely to have.
All right so in terms of the SBI it
reduces anxiety when it comes to I don't
know how to give this feedback I don't
know how to address it I think giving
that structure will help it. It will
probably help reduce the defensiveness 
of the individual because you're
not talking about their character you're
talking about observable behavior not
intent you know it is gonna feel a
little bit of awkward a mechanical at
first but as you start to practice this
with any skill it'll become a little bit
more fluid and a little bit more
habitual and because you're
describing exactly what happened and
explaining your feelings and your
perspective and the impact it's having
on you and then the team or the
situation you're not passing judgment,
you're you're literally just describing
what happened and this may mean that
they're more likely to listen and really
then it's about focusing on the way
forward and talking about well then how
do we resolve the issue and you know it
doesn't stop it just telling them what
you want to see this is where you might
engage in some of that active listening
looking to to get their perspective on
on the situation as well. Alright so that
was just a really simple nice clean
model that I found personally really
helpful when having those less formal 
feedback conversations with
colleagues with my leaders and
managers and people that I work with.  Alright
so now comes to the difficult
conversations so what happens when you
know it's reached a point where you do
need to influence a bit more formality
there and you need to really navigate a
particularly tricky engagement.
So the what- planning your approach to
the conversation
so any difficult conversation and how we
define it is something that has priority
and importance you know there could be a
real high risk there in terms of women
lose there there's usually some sort of
gap involved here in terms of actual
versus expected outcomes around behavior
it could mean that the situation is just
really complicated there's a lot of
moving parts here and by that very
nature it's become quite difficult and
after the you know it involves a choice
of choice in terms of how to move
forward and how to respond or do things
differently.  But it's not always about
giving feedback a feedback is absolutely
an element of difficult conversations
but you know even if you extend this
towards you know having a difficult
conversation with with somebody about a
about a particular situation that
they've had no control over maybe it's a
touchy or sensitive issue maybe
something that's quite personal that can
be really difficult and it's not
necessarily just about giving them some
feedback but I think what we'll talk
about in the next few minutes is you
know the approach that we're
recommending what will help in any sort
of difficult conversation whether it's
feedback or otherwise.
So we know that personality can
sometimes get in the way of people
initiating these sorts of conversations
some other reasons that we tend to come
across you know my manager doesn't
support me I don't have their backing no
one's in my corner from my perspective
no news is good news
you know they know when it's right they
know when they're doing wrong so you
might see you know elements of high
adjustment there it's all fine until
something breaks let's assume that
everything's going okay I trust them
look I just don't like conflict an
argument it's really uncomfortable I'm
not good at it it makes it makes me feel
uneasy so I just I I avoid it
I don't like criticizing people I don't
like telling them what to do and what
not to do and I don't feel like I have
the authority to do that it's not part
of my job sometimes you know I've tried
it once I did that I did that thing that
Adrian recommend it didn't work
bombed-out not doing that again I would
rather just stay comfortable you know
maybe the person is just usually pretty
good there they are really good
performer let's you know this is one
instance I know that they're generally
pretty good so let's maybe wait
for that second instance if that occurs.
I don't have the time it takes too long
I've got a lot on my plate if it happens
again maybe a lot of tend to it but
otherwise you know I've got other stuff
to be getting on with and in all honesty
it's such a long-winded process that I
just I don't like the paperwork
involved if this goes a particular
way so I'm going to avoid it.
At the end of the day put bluntly are
excuses and I think you know we can
sometimes fall in the trap of leaning
into these and not to dismiss that these
are very real feelings but we think
about the outcome while the outcome is
the difficult conversations
aren't happening
performance isn't being managed, reputation
is not being called out and you're not
doing your job as a leader or as a
team player.
All right so the next big idea and it's
 a shorty but a goody, effective
navigation does require planning alright
sure you can navigate through
anything without planning you
can just sort of take things as they
come you can start walking down the
street and end up somewhere vaguely
where you want to be are you getting
there efficiently? maybe not you know
you're getting sidetracked along the way
potentially so I think any sort of
effective navigation does require a
degree of planning and thought ahead of
time and I really think this is one of
the things that can really get in the
way of not doing it it's just people
don't know how to approach it
I don't know where to begin I don't know
how to go about addressing this so
hopefully the next few points help you.
So I call it the way forward it is a
five step way of thinking when it comes
to not just having the conversation and
the content or the messaging of that
conversation but it also involves this
first step of planning and gathering
Intel and preparation. So if we look at
the first element of planning, here are
some of the questions to be asking
yourself and you're taking any notes or
you know throughout this webinar
you're thinking about a particularly
difficult conversation you might be
having this afternoon or later in the
week
take take some notes here so why is this
conversation having place alright 
what is the catalyst of what's
the trigger for it and just having that
really clear in your head and written
down will help put pen to paper what
what is your intention what do you want
to get out of this conversation how do
you want to come across in this
conversation
what is it that you know about this
individual that you're about to have a
conversation with now if you've got
Hogan personality data or if you've got
360 data then you Europe you're ahead of
the curve here because you've got that
data you've got that Intel you probably
have a good idea on how they're likely
to respond what their trigger points are
going to be what's going to make them
uncomfortable
and how you might adapt your approach in
the absence of that sort of psychometric
data what are your experiences of that
individual, what other feedback have you
gotten from others in terms of that
person's style and behavior and
preferences.
A lot of people don't really think about
this but thinking about the physical
location or timing of the conversation
is going to be important where are you
going to have this conversation when are
you going to have this conversation
because that can actually set the tone
for that situation right so
you know if you're thinking about your
physical environment please don't be
having these formal difficult
conversations in a really public forum
where everybody can hear but you know
I've had experiences where a manager who
was highly highly resilient very
optimistic you know in a hundred on
adjustment he would just call people
into his office Hi can you come to me
come come talk to me where I just need
to speak to you for a second about
something now the way that looks to an
open plan office is what did that person
do I wonder what that conversations about
why is that happening in a
closed-door environment I wonder what's
going on there. Now to be fair that
manager took he was just he thought
nothing of it
in fact it there wasn't a difficult
conversation happening at all but the
the tone that set for that
engagement and the the the the sort of
the feeling and the ambience that that
creates in the office is it was really
palpable so just think about timing,
place, physicality of that
conversation and what's your opening
line, right what's your opening sentence
how are you going to set the scene for
what the rest of this conversation is
going to look like.
Ok so a few things to think about
there in terms of planning,
when it comes to facts what are your
supporting facts so is a personality
data is it live feedback is a
performance data is it you know what is. What is it that you can actually fall
back on and rely on so that you can talk
specifically to behavior or talk
specifically to a performance or
business outcome as opposed to falling
in the trap of attacking a person
making sure that it's valid and fair,
that it's rounded that it's you know
it's accurate ensure that you're
defining what that key issue is in one
sentence, so just as important as it is
to to think about your opening sentence
think about maybe a really definitive
line so that it is crystal clear what
we're talking about in this conversation
and then thinking about what what
knowledge skills attitudes and
personality does this this person
exhibit so are there gaps in their
knowledge what are their skills what's
their aptitude what is their experience
in the role all of those sorts of
factors as well so you can see here the
conversation hasn't even started yet but
we're building a lot of resource here to
help us have the conversation because I
think without this foundation you're
going to flail.
So when you're having the conversation
you know think about you know what is
the impact so it comes back to that I
component of SBI and what we're looking
at here is you know thinking about what
is the impact that the behavior has on
you and think about how you formulate
that message, what is the impact that the
behavior is having on the individual so
you might be talking about things like
their reputation, how is this impacting
their credibility in the organization
how is this impacting on them as a
leader of others how is that behavior or
how is the issue impacting on a broader
team and how is the the behavior or the
issue impacting on the broader business
or perhaps customer outcomes now the
thing with impact is that it's really
important to to get a read on what a
person is actually going to care about
right so what are they value what's
important to them
so if you're talking to somebody about
their their behavior and you know you
know from personality data you know from
the interactions with them that this is
somebody who cares incredibly about
customer views they care incredibly
about wanting to be seen as supportive
and reliable and trusted, they want to be
seen as somebody who's really helpful
and attentive then when you talk about
the impact this is where you might want
to lean more heavily on things like
impact on customer, impact on team impact
on feelings or how its impacted on how
well supported other people felt and
that just creates a little bit of a
tension there because it appeals to the
things that are important to them if you
know for a fact that this is somebody
who is very pragmatic you know that
they're not that that sort of people
person
then how do you appeal to that
pragmatism they're about results if
they're about outcomes or you know if
they're about recognition and being you
know recognized for their efforts then
then how is their behaviour how is the
issue impacting on some of those things
that are really
important to them. So think a little
bit about that
the next thing to address and this is
very much in and amongst the
conversation as you're having it is make
sure that you're addressing that
person's feelings as well as your own so
there's I feel statements become
particularly important here but this is
where you might also throughout all of
this start to invite write one of their
perspectives how are they feeling about
the situation what are their thoughts
and opinions and what have they been
thinking about and you may find that you
know if this is somebody who's perhaps
lower on adjustment or somebody has a
tendency to ruminate well they've been
churning about it and worrying about it
for weeks or days you know they've been
really really beating themselves up over
and just getting a sense of how much
they've been thinking about and how
they're feeling about it will helped you
adapt you know how hard you go on
certain things and I'll talk about that
in a moment so ask for a response and
 they think this is so critical
because at the end of the day
remembering one of the points there
earlier in this presentation these
conversations are not happening to
people this is a how a conversation
that's happening with there's a really
important there to to solicit that
response and feedback and then finally
what's the future hold so think about
what would you like to happen in the
future have some ideas in terms of your
way forward and what you would like to
see happen both in terms of behavior in
terms of outcomes in terms of how you
better work together with this colleague
what this relationship looks like or how
you better operate in terms of your
relationship with your manager or your
direct reports.
What are your non-negotiables so if this
is a particularly tough conversations
What are the things that I make a break
you know what are the things that just
need to happen and can't afford to be
you know slipped what are their options
so what are the things that they
can be doing and getting them again to
provide some of their their thinking and
a reflection around this and asking some
probing questions around you know what's
important to them and how they likely to
go about meeting those needs and
really importantly ensuring that there
are some really clearly defined next
steps otherwise it's been a big
conversation we've talked about a lot of
things and then we're just hoping for
the best right so we want to make sure
that there's a degree of commitment and
accountability in terms of what that
person intends to do next.
Who are they going to talk to, what are
they going to do differently in the next
project if there's something that you
want them to come back to you with what
are the time frames in which they're
committing to do that but really clearly
defining like any sort of action plan
like any sort of development
conversation, really want that then
immediate next steps look like all right.
So I appreciate we've only got a few
more minutes left but hopefully
everything that we've been talking about
it really helps us kind of talk more
broadly about the landscape of difficult
conversations but the how component is
really important to to really unpack and
understand and the how is basically you
know not necessarily what you're
communicating but how you're
communicating that and here are some
three sort of areas that I found really
helpful to think about.
So how you communicate is the big big
idea number four, the first thing I want
to talk through is this sort of needs
based approach right and I think this is
a really useful way to really explicitly
think about what how critical is it that
the behavior change and how do you
convey the urgency so if the issue or
the behaviors critical for change you
might want to use terms like I really
need, I really need you to change this
it's really important to me that this
changes. I really need you to step up
right it just promotes that sense of 
urgency and criticality.
If you feel like a behavior is
negotiable then you may find that you
use terms like I would prefer that you
do X Y and Z you may even find that
within and just-in-time feedback that
frequent informal feedback then the
negotiables might be a bit more around
the tone yeah I prefer that you know
you maybe wait until I finished I'm
presenting before I'm asking questions
next time and then you might follow up
with the impact that would have
and a nice-to-have really reducing the
formality in the urgency here I'd like
you to now even though these sorts of
arm tones and languages can be used for
a specific intent and really like to
challenge you to think what are you
using some of this language habitually
and is actually conveying the wrong
sense of urgency so you use somebody who
naturally uses terms like I'd really
like you to, or I'd like you, I prefer that
you would and is that actually sending
across the wrong message in terms of how
urgent it is that that you want this
person to to step up and then change
behavior.
The next concept is around dialing up
and dialing down and it really has to do
with empathy and structure and
consequence so you may find that in some
situations whether it's where it's low
risk and the person has taken
accountability for their actions
you know you dial the empathy up you
really play into the feelings component
and then show that you're on their side
that you're in it together and 
that's going to be really helpful in
terms of maintaining that harmony
and that relationship. If however the
situation is critical,
high-risk or crucial and that person
doesn't seem to be taking accountability
for it. That's where you might actually
start the dial down the empathy and the
soft heart and the the soft touch and
really dial up that structure and
consequence right really promoting that
sense of urgency around what needs to
happen because if it doesn't XYZ will
occur.
Now if the individual has taken
accountability and it's high risk then
you might want to dial up both so really
playing into the empathy but also
enforcing that structure and consequence.
The last thought I want to leave you with
this afternoon in terms of the how is
the ABCs of how a great building compare
so some of the language that you might
consider and this is really adapted from
the book Crucial Conversations and I
found to be again a really simple model
around this is using terms like I agree
so establishing what you agree with
showing that you're listening showing
that you're on their side so really
putting up front the things that
you yeah absolutely agree on board that
was out of your control or that person
did not respond appropriately or
whatever the case was. But then looking
to build on that so in addition to all
of that what I also noticed was x y&z so
a specific behavior specific situation
and you might want to building the SBI
model here and then compare so if there
are differing views on an issue why if
you either come a coming into that
crossroads then you might want to look
at the compare piece as well so I agree
that this happened in addition I noticed
however I think I see things differently
and let me explain a little bit more
about my perspective and I think again
if you keep it objective and targeted
towards specific behavior not
necessarily the person's character it
really opened up that the avenue for
receptivity. Ok, so I appreciate that
we have gone a little bit over the hour
for those of you who have been able to
stick around for a couple of more
minutes thank you for doing so some of
the key takeaways from this this webinar
challenging- poor performance, profiling
feedback this is stuff that is not
unusual it's not uncommon so many leaders
struggle with it and and look it's
something that I think is important to
have front of mind in terms of having
effective strategies, just know that
individuals are going to differ in terms
of how they are approached and respond
to feedback in these difficult
conversations and that's going to play a
huge part in terms of how you adapt your
style and approach to meeting the
different preferences and a lot of what
influences that receptivity or approach
to feedback is a person's personality
right, so getting as much data around
personality is it's going to be helpful
for you as a leader or leader of leaders.
Frequent just-in-time feedback, the more
you do this sort of stuff the less the
less you need to rely on some of those
more formal intense conversations but
regardless of whether it's a
just-in-time feedback or the way forward
having that structured approach will really
help build your competence and
confidence here and so hopefully today
is giving you at least a bit of a
framework that you sort of contest and
try things out with don't give up if it
doesn't happen the way that you would
like the first time around this is a
skill and like anything don't expect
that you're going to nail that straight
out of the gate you know reflect, adapt
try again and I guess with anything
practice will get you a little bit
better over time and finally look just
watch the tones, deliver the message in a
way that is going to be
palatable you know avoid things like
absolutes you never, you always, look at
some of the things in relation to
turning up empathy or turning off that
that structure and consequence just so
you're positioning your message
appropriately. But that's it, look
hopefully that's been helpful if
you do want to talk a little bit more
about how we can support you in terms of
you know bringing some of these skills
in a more formalized workshop setting if
you want to have an opportunity to
really run through some case studies and
practice this stuff in real time we'd be
more than happy to talk to you a little
bit more about it so please contact us
after this. But otherwise that's pretty
much it like I said earlier if you've
hopefully even you know plugging any
questions that you've had throughout the
webinar into the the Q&A function and Saro
has been consolidating some of those
comments as well but but Saro was
there anything else that that you wanted
to close up before wrap for the
afternoon? Thanks Adrian nope, we have collated all the
questions and we'll get back to you or
via email Thanks. 
Fantastic so don't forget if you haven't
already just leave a name a contact
email address so we can actually follow
up any questions that you might have
with you and again they're not being
published publicly. So if you've enjoyed
this, if you found it helpful we do have
a few more webinars in the pipe a few of
them actually coming from Hogan I know
Bob Hogan the one and only the the
guy who developed that the Hogan
assessments he's going to be delivering
a webinar on the modern manager and
that's coming up so check our LinkedIn,
hit up our our website you'll find some
links to to register for those webinars
as well but otherwise hope everyone
keeps well and safe and have a fantastic
rest of your week.
 
