
Ordinary People

A Love to Remember, Volume 2

Cassandra Barnes

Published by Cassandra Barnes, 2020.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

ORDINARY PEOPLE

**First edition. June 30, 2020.**

Copyright (C) 2020 Cassandra Barnes.

Written by Cassandra Barnes.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Also by Cassandra Barnes

A Love to Remember

Secret Love

Ordinary People

Silver Lake Lesbian Intrigue

An Island in the Sun

Chasing Waterfalls

Watch for more at Cassandra Barnes's site.

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**_This book is dedicated to the work of Kip Tiernan of Boston who built a beautiful rescue for women and continues to save lives even today. And for Maria and Gillian, who save women, animals & children in the police department & all lesbian Special Victims Unit in a major urban area. And, also, for Kim J, who gave her life in the service of the innocent as a radiation detection scientist. _**

**_For all heroic lesbian sisters..._**

_**Thank you Kip, Kim, Maria and Gillian!**_
Ordinary People:

Carmen & Rose:

A Love to Remember - Book Two

By

Cassandra Barnes

Copyright (C) 2020, Cassandra Barnes

***

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any matter whatsoever, including Internet usage, without written permission from the author, except in the form of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Any unauthorized usage of the text without express written permission of the author/publisher is a violation of the author's copyright and is illegal and punishable by law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

# Contents

1| People Fall in Love in Mysterious Ways

2| Maybe It's All Part of a Plan

3| Maybe Just the Touch of a Hand...

4| Kiss Me Under the Light of a Thousand Stars

5| You and a Million Spanish Guitars

6| Gratitude

7| Sarah

8| Maybe She's Just Shedding Her Skin Like a Snake

9| Epiphany

10| Love is like a Flower

11| Ring of Fire

12| Queen of Hearts

13| Forever Yours...

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

*[Thanks to Ed Sheeran and Amy Wadge for the lyrics to 'Thinking Out Loud' which form the titles of our first four chapters, just in case you thought it sounded familiar. The last line is 'Maybe we found love right where we are.' Very appropriate for Carm and Rose.]

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# 1| People Fall in Love in Mysterious Ways

***

Ten years ago, Carmen La Pierre met Rose Oliver in Jiffy's 7-11 Sunoco. It could have been nothing much. It could have been just another brash kid for Carmen to ignore. Or a pretty but unreachable local lady for Rose - but for both women it was everything and the ordinary became extraordinary.

Making a life together seemed to come naturally with the things they had in common - hard work, love and intelligence. When Carmen quit work at Jiff's, she and Rose started a small landscaping business that grew to something much bigger than they could ever have wished for. Their lives were complimented by their artistic and business talent. Shoot, honey, they got together as new acquaintances, became friends - stayed friends and became lovers.

They were sisters, friends, lovers, and recently related by legal contract - two different jellybeans in the same jellybean jar. Heretofore let it be known: Carmen had finally felt confident enough to sign a marriage contract with Rose - to Rosie's great delight. That had been when Rose was touching thirty and Carmen close to sixty. For both of them, it was the gift of a lifetime. For Carmen it was a tough testament of her trust in the solid relationship they had built together as artists, business partners, a comedy act and emotional compatibility. All of which were important to both of them.

Rose was thirty-three now and Carmen an amazing sixty. Rose was twenty-two and Carmen fifty when they had met. Rosie was the romantic garden designer and botanist to Carmen's financial and plain-ass planting skills within their business relationship. Carmen knew the weather and Rose could detect an invasive plant species in a millisecond. Together with their crew, they were the Green Goddess Landscaping Company and Living Decor Indoor Plants administrators in their own home business.

The only real aching pain in the ass was still Rose's closest and only known blood relative - Brittany Oliver - her mother. Many detailed truces were made with her between Carmen and Rose. And, many were broken. Continuously.

Problem: - Rose refused to come out to her mother. Her lesbian relationship with Carmen was still in one of their closets, waiting to pop out, but still locked up, securely sealed and mute. This was a truce - a truce between Rose and Carmen. Rose left Carmen and had taken off to the mountains at one point to try and figure out what she wanted to do about her mother's aggressive manipulation without coming out to her like Carmen wanted her to. She finally convinced Carmen to sign a marriage contract, but she insisted on keeping her mother at a distance in terms of their relationship. She had not moved on that issue. Like the locals say about the basic wet, cold and wind elements that give birth to hurricanes - It's gonna be there for a while - so be careful...

The townspeople of Piney Knoll knew Rose and Carmen weren't related - but who knew everyone's 3rd and 4th cousins once removed? So, what were they? Only a small group of their closest friends knew they were lesbians.

Even with a quiet marriage and a great reputation around Piney Knoll, Brittany Oliver could usually find some route of intimidation, especially now that Carmen's curly auburn and sun-bleached hair was turning silver. Age was Brittany's weapon. You could be too old or too young to be or do whatever in Britt's opinion. But she was the perfect age...always.

Rose was aware her mother used personal traits to throw at just about anyone she was annoyed at...meaning when she wanted something. If it was up to Rosie, Britt was never going to know shit about her being a lesbian. Carmen, though, was not in that camp. No tents were put up there, no sticks for the fire were gathered...nothing.

Carmen felt that they would be protected by letting Britt know there were more boundaries. Rose felt that Carmen's estimation of where Brittany would go with the information that they were not only lesbians, but lovers was just wishful thinking. Metaphorically, Rose knew her mom would probably blow up their household in as dramatic and picturesque way as possible.

Speaking of camp, let me introduce Carmen's roommates, Alfonso Hernandez and Billy Ferguson - the latter, a distant cousin of Carmen - and the former, Billy's significant other. Both boys were local gay livestock tenders at the Wickham Ranch - Alfie, carrying a ton of pretty cowboy swish, Billy, in love, finally settling down to a bestie.

Carmen gave up raising livestock when both her parents died of alcoholism and left her, and her brother Zachary, the big, three floor Victorian and some acreage. Zach knew Carmen and her household were gay, no problem for him or his wife and kids. Zachary willingly gave Carm his share of the estate. In terms of livestock, she was content with her rescue dog, Shepard. Not so Rosie and Bill. Rose had to have her Palomino, Holly, and a large brown cat called Tater. Billy had his smart-ass mare, Maizie (short for nothing but "Amazing").

Carmen and Rosie's friendship was just that, as well - amazing. Friendship was always the history that the two women kept dear. Romance grew in their words and minds like the wildflowers in their fields, rooted in that original attraction they had felt so long ago - and a forever foundation as solid as any lifelong friend. As Rose matured, she grew in admiration of Carmen's strength and emotional balance.

Even her mother somewhat relied on Carmen's knowledge of plants while screaming around town about Rose's doctorate in botany (a change from an original ambition to go for an M.D.). Brittany couldn't help it. Bragging was deep inside her DNA and so far, nobody had the T-cells to remove it. Of course, this embarrassed Rose, but her mother never cared. As far as she was concerned, Rose got all her achievements because of her - her money, her intelligence, her guidance.

Brittany never even noticed how much Carmen resented her big mouth and this was only one symptom of her egregious ego and intense sense of license to dominate her daughter's life - and her daughter's future. She had never changed since Rose's fourteenth birthday. To her, Rose was a perpetual child that had not yet gone through puberty. She owned Rose's arms and legs.

Now, what do you think of Carmen's reaction to this?

"Watcha' doin', gumdrop?" asked Rosie, putting her chin on Carmen's head and resting her arms around her as Carmen worked on some new planting arrangements for Indoor Decor planter boxes. Their indoor Green Goddess subsidiary had been so successful the last few winters, it had now grown to include year-round offerings with summer additions of elaborately designed outdoor planters as well.

"Some stuff..." answered Carmen, smiling and relaxing back into Rose's arms.

As Carmen decided on a break and pushed away from her laptop, Rose moved one of Carm's arms aside and shifted easily into her lap. Carmen encircled Rose this time with her own arms. Rose was still only about 95 pounds. It always felt sweet and fresh to hold her tiny sprite of a body. Her familiar bones. Carmen shifted her weight and moved her legs so that Rose fit closer against her. She moved deeper into that new space and forgot about her work.

She asked, "What stuff? A new girlfriend from the Net?"

Carmen almost spit in Rosie's ear as the laughter pushed up from her belly. "Shit, yeah!" she answered with a laugh. "I put her in my net as soon as she touched me at the check-out counter. That feeling's been there for a while." She kissed the side of Rose's throat, thinking about the day she had first noticed her at Jiff's. Rose had unconsciously touched her arm as she spoke to her that first day, Carmen ringing up her purchases and pretending not to notice.

Rose moved her shoulder at the familiar sensation of Carmen's breath on her hair, snickering, recognizing the kiss, snuggling back. Rose could feel Carm's soft heartbeat on her ribs, her chest warm and encompassing.

The sound of I Don't do Boys by Elektra rushed around them as the stereo gained amplitude from the other room. High male giggles hit their ears as the vibrations of musical movement swept around the two women. The tensions of the day fell away like dust motes scattering in a pond of bright afternoon light. Happiness overcame all of that.

Carmen and Rose were one person, moving subtly inside rhythms from the other room, quiet inside a shaft of late sun. At this moment a deep knowledge entwined their hearts. Ten years' worth.

Both women were silent as they caressed each other. The music in the other room got louder. They could see the two figures of their slightly built roommates slow dancing to the downbeat from another song.

Rose got up and pulled at the sleeve of Carmen's sweater with a grin. Carm followed Rose upstairs to their bedroom. A falsetto voice followed them with a silly boy-lisp, "Have fun, girlzzz..."

Rose said, in a muffled whisper, "Sweetheart..." The moon rose and cast its seductive shadows over the sensitive embraces of the two lovers, tangled in their blankets. They moved in familiar ways that always felt new and built on their memories like perennials planted long ago. Their tongues tasted like a cavern of scented lavender. Their mingled hair was downy and intimate.

Looking out the window - one could see the past and guess a close and warm future for their relationship. Things were not without rocks in the road but working together overcame almost all obstacles. And, they worked together well. There were no fights.

They had survived dangerous weather, aggressive male crushes, robbery and homophobes. Probably more. As besties, they posed a united front and easily learned to supplement each other's strengths, forging a forever bond between them.

There was one thing, though, that still formed a painful fortress of risk and deception - Rose's mother. She had never failed to spew some selfish demands at Rose throughout the decade she had lived with Carmen.

Any chance to invite herself over, she took it. She was a sneak and the definition of underhanded.

Britt had not minded her thirty days in the local jail, which she had spent after breaking a Restraining Order put on her at the beginning of Rose's relationship. She had that much grit. Rose spelled that with a "sh...." No one could step between Brittany and Rose without facing a barrage of imaginary figments about Mother's Rights.

Britt knew how to throw her weight around and she had some to hurl, being a highly sought-after charity promoter, a Public Relations Agent who had made Time magazine. Well...not really. She had a small mention in a big general article on charity promotion companies highlighted by the magazine.

Rose felt her mother's success was hypocritical considering her homophobia which teetered dangerously on top of her furious paranoid temper, which usually threatened everything including the dog and the cat. Poor Shepard - he hated her too and would growl and disappear whenever she was present. Tater, the cat, followed suit with a loud, whiny cat warning.

Everyone would cover their ears, cringing metaphorically, and think, "Here it comes..." when, somehow, Brittany was able to gain entrance to their home and (usually and very unfairly) would lay her acid eyes upon happy-campy little Alfonso and comment on his gentle person - his hair, his makeup. (Horrors! He was fine!) Britt would feel free to say anything she wanted to about his clothes, boots, hat, jewelry, slender hips - and voice. If her mind was any smaller, it would evaporate into thin air with a tiny pop ... hopefully leaving no trace.

Compared to Rose and Carmen's perfect balance, loving feelings and happiness - it made Britt's already dysfunctional brain's rift between her left and right hemispheres seem as impassable as the Cumberland Gap in an ice storm.

In the past, Britt had somehow found it easier to break into Carmen and Rose's barn than their house. The barn had no alarms, the house did. Brittany had a thing for Rose's horse. She was a local dressage competitor and Holly, Rose's mare, had a mild temperament and was very responsive in the ring. She and Britt had won quite a few small competitions that counted with the local upper-crust ladies. All on stolen time without Rose's permission.

Rose had told her mother to use the horses from her own stable. They were equally as competent as Holly, but Britt loved to give Rose gifts (like the horse) and then use them for herself.

This drove Carmen crazy. It was far worse on her mental health than her made-up conversations with her dog - which always made perfect sense to her - Shep always coming out of the "discussion" for the better. Talking to her dog was a learning experience that involved sensitivity and caring (along with a lot of slippery intuition in terms of the dog's answers or opinions).

Sensitivity and caring were two qualities missing in any unfortunate conversation with Brittany. It was far more likely that one would see vitriol and two-facedness. One face for Carmen and another for Rose.

So, this led to further episodes of "Being Straight for Brittany," where Britt would find some subversive way to put herself first, no matter what Rose had to say. It was okay (whatever she did) if it was all about her. The code was e-g-o.

Rose was the only open restaurant on Christmas day in terms of her mother, who demanded accessibility to her at all times. If you know what I mean. Britt felt she could pull a chair up to Rose's table whenever she wanted to. Anywhere, any time.

Carmen was not of like mind, to say the least. Rose's excuses of, "But it's my mother..." generally caused the only friction in an otherwise perfect relationship. That perfection was constantly threatened by Brittany. Her relationship with the two women was brittle. If Britt was happy, everyone was happy. Rose tried to time her contacts with her mother in a defensive way so that Carmen was not in the middle, but that did not always work out.

***

CARMEN HEARD BILLY and Alfonso climb the stairs. She continued making love with Rose. Then she heard laughter obviously aimed at her door.

"Silly Billy..." she grunted rather indelicately; her distracted attention was pulled to the driveway. There had been a phantom of a noise.

"You actually did tell your mother she couldn't use Holly in her dressage, right?"

"Uh, yeah, she knows..." Rose laughed to the side. "But it fucking has to be her trying to get in again..."

"You heard that, too?"

Rose frowned. The wind seemed to pick up when her expression changed from laughter to anger in the wink of an eye.

Oh, oh, thought Carmen, hoping her own attention on the calmly rising moon would cancel Rose's calling up any storms with that ferocious attitude anticipating another fight with her mother.

So...they had both heard some movement outside.

Carmen's heart sank with a leaden feeling. Rose covered her face with her hands and muffled the word, "Fuck!" Just then, Carmen's ulcer acted up. A huge belch ripped up her windpipe and tore into the air like a Rocket Propelled Grenade. Rose screamed slightly at the eruption and poked herself in the eye from the surprise.

"Fuck, really, Carmen?!"

"Sorry - ulcer."

A crunching, rolling noise interrupted their conversation, louder this time. Both Carmen and Rose's heads followed the faint noises, deliberately creeping along their drive. Both of them noted the bumps in the passage as "whatever-it-was" pulled over their slightly uneven drive. They both reached their front windows at the same time, right in time to see Holly's kidnapped, shiny, tan ass leaving...locked inside a horse carrier. The mare flicked her tail when they both noticed her at the same time, as if she knew they were watching from upstairs.

"She did it again..." commented Carmen, forcefully poking Rose in the shoulder with her finger until Rose responded, "Ow!" and moved away with a frown.

"She fucking stole your horse," continued Carmen, shaking her head.

"I could shoot her," answered Rose.

"Wish someone would."

"Get ready for the photos and the texts from her dressage. If she wins, it will be a dinner," said Rose, who got whiney and curled up into a fetal position, naked, underneath the window.

"I bet she thanks us, like she did the last time," Carmen commented in angry, ironic tones as she got up and put a blanket over Rose's shivering, little body, still on the floor.

"Gruesome..." said Rose as she wrapped herself up and moving back to their bed.

"Scary..." answered Carmen, flopping down next to her and sliding under the covers. Feeling angry but trying to control her stomach, Carmen curled up, her back to Rose. Rose, still naked, spooning tight up against Carmen, starting to warm up.

Carm rode Holly often and was pissed that Britt (evil-devil-worshipper that she was) took her away - even for a few days. After all, she let Rose ride Maizie, which was Billy's horse, but living in her barn. She was just pissed in general. Bad way to end the day. Damn her!

Rose's baby-soft breasts felt good against her back, soothing her concern, making her swallow her remorse at anything she had ever done wrong ever.

Then Rose said, suddenly, "Maybe I should just give her my horse to keep and surrender, wave a white flag of capitulation."

Carmen grabbed her stomach with both hands and expelled a sound of agony that sounded a lot like "He-e-e-L-L..."

Rose reached over Carmen's side placing her warm hands on top of her hands, pushing gently. Carmen belched again, protesting that Rose made her do that.

Rose lay her head on Carmen's shoulder and kissed her neck so that it tickled.

"Stop it!" belched Carmen, loudly, farting at the same time. Well, hell, the pain was gone. She smiled, starting to fall back to sleep. Before she lapsed into dreamland, she commented, "Your mother makes my ulcer raise its ugly head."

"I know, baby," responded Rose. "I won't give Holly to Britt even when I die."

"Oh, God...good. I love that horse."

"Everyone gets to ride my horse except me," responded Rose.

Carmen answered, "Huh...h..." ashamed that it was true about her too.

The two of them smoked half a gram and fell asleep, trying not to bring worry about Brittany Oliver's constant intrusion into their dreams. They had even installed an inner bolt lock on the bedroom door just in case someone left the front door unlocked and the alarm system off.

Brittany had escaped detection, amazingly, at least twice when opening their bedroom door. She actually made it upstairs to their bedroom twice. Carm and Rose were downstairs both times. Britt had already been banned from their home so many times that throwing her out was a broken thing. It was only temporary. Even her stay in jail did not put the brakes on. Lieutenant Margarita Jones (the local lesbian Chief of Police) suggested using torture.

Despite Holly's age, the horse was responsive and had memorized her dressage routines years ago. Brittany, despite her affrontery, was a good handler and could pace the mare perfectly, so she never stumbled or broke her cadence or concentration. Rose was as good a trainer as her mother but had far less time with her own horse.

Carmen belched in her sleep and awoke from a nightmare where Brittany, sitting tall in the saddle dressed as a Roman Centurion was astride Holly in full dressage gear walking through their living room, trying to enter and walk her down the front hall. Rose was shoveling horseshit, following her mother and the horse with a shovel and canvas bag.

Seriously, the dream was a poorly disguised metaphor and woke Carmen with violent stomach pain. She popped a tums and burped, turning on her side so as not to disturb Rose.

She felt a small, soft sense of warmth, a touch...back underneath her ribs on the muscle next to her spine. It gave her the chills. The spreading feeling made her close her eyes and lean back into it, breathing deeply, almost asleep again. The scent of Rose's lemongrass oil invaded her nose. She smiled to herself, knowing...knowing nothing sexual was happening right now because her stomach hurt, and the gas was too disgusting. She thought about getting up. But lost that thought. She lost herself again in Rose's fragrance.

Shep came up and nuzzled her face wetly. Carmen thought, Animals are very possibly the aliens from outer space (like ET or even Godzilla) we are always obsessing over culturally. They are so very far from being human - yet so near.

With this dual comfort zone activation, Carmen's stomach relaxed. The pain evaporated almost miraculously. She sighed, bathed in love vibes.

"We all need a little justice once-in-a-while," commented Rose quietly as she continued rubbing Carmen's back. "Brittany will get hers in time..."

Just as Rose mentioned Britt's name, Carmen farted like a firecracker and moaned. Rose wiped her nose with two fingers. "Ow!" exclaimed Carmen. "I don't ever want to get out of bed. Your mother is making me agoraphobic. I may never go outside again." She rolled over to face Rose and continued, "Pull the shades down and lock all the windows and doors. I don't feel safe anymore."

"You will," laughed Rose, embracing Carmen's softness, silencing her with a deep kiss. Carmen moved a leg across her lover.

"Stay like this forever," said Carmen under her breath.

"We'll starve," retorted Rose. "Think of the smell..."

"I like your smell," answered Carmen, her hand reaching, searching, feeling Rose's giving, opening. They embraced, touching each other all over. Rose trembled and laughed at the same time. She felt herself submerge her feelings into her tongue, deep in Carmen's mouth, shaking again, holding on even tighter. She pushed and stroked Carmen's face and hair as if it was something new, something she had never felt before. She remembered their excitement making love when they had first realized that they were both lesbian. She orgasmed.

Carmen's curls were turning from a silvery summer sun-bleached blonde to a silvery auburn. At sixty, her hair was beginning to gray. She had quit alcohol and caffeine, so her skin was robust and full. No great saint there, she was at the mercy of her shaky health. Her mind might say, "Grab and be happy" but her body parts would not oblige.

Heaven was in moments like this, the deep comfort she found in Rose's arms. Her aches and pains gone. Shep began to snore, curled up next to her side on the throw rug, adding to a huge happy zone. Carm's body parts felt just fine right now. She closed her eyes again with a small smile.

Rose traced kisses around Carmen's sleeping face. She ran her eyes softly over her mouth and air-kissed her, not touching.

The night air surrounded them, cooling the two lovers as the darkness fell and clouds were chased into the ocean or mountains - the late hour began to reveal a full moon.

Carmen awoke first the next morning. The two of them yawned, laughed and stretched. Rose got up and put on a fresh T and jeans, walking down the stairs to the kitchen barefoot, mumbling to herself, still bothered about her mother's theft of the horse.

The two of them had forgotten about the horse until they sat down for lunch later that day after work. The morning had been filled with Green Goddess chores. Carmen built five indoor window boxes. Rose filled them with freshly transplanted herbs, flowers and greenery.

They luxuriated in the silence of their house and the fresh smell of foliage. Billy and Alfonso were over at Wickham's tending cattle. Tired and feeling accomplished, Rose and Carmen ate fresh bean-squash soup and fresh date-nut baking soda bread with gusto. Shep got  scraps.

Their morning had been slow-moving and pleasant. Winter was upon Piney Knoll. The first frost had sent Carmen and Rose scurrying around collecting and mulching whatever valuable landscaping plants were still outside. They stored the large potted plants in the heated greenhouse.

The air now held a portent of snow. Green Goddess Landscaping had many back orders for their elaborate one-of-a-kind office and home planters, potted tree arrangements and Rose's Zen Bonsai, moss, rock and sand boxes.

After eating, Carmen went into the living room with a steaming cup of herbal tea and filled the fireplace with wood and tinder, lighting a roaring blaze. Rose cleaned up in the kitchen. She filled the sink with suds and began to wash the dishes as her cell rang. Wiping her hands on a dish towel, she answered the call looking at the ID, "Yes, mother?"

Rose jerked her head up and almost dropped the phone into the water as her mother clicked off the phone, sending a text instead, Brittany's universally irritating way of getting attention. [When one wonders about the meaning of life - this was Brittany Oliver's timeless philosophy - life was all about getting attention.]

The texts Rose's mother sent were all photos of Holly and herself (of course she wouldn't be left out of the picture) winning a first-place blue ribbon at the Carolinas State Fair.

Rose was proud of her horse but getting a rash from her mother's interference in her life. She scratched her arms absent-mindedly as she scrolled through the twenty-some photos of Holly and her mother which seared her brain with jealousy, anger and frustration. When she thought of how and when her mother would return Holly, she dialed her mother's number with an unnecessarily hard thump of her finger.

"Ow," said Rose into the phone. Her mother answered as Rose sucked her finger (how very appropriate as she greeted her mother). She slurred something at Brittany as her mother shouted at her, "I won! - I won!"

Barely audible, Rose answered, "Shit!"

There was a gasp on the other end. Brittany continued as if she hadn't heard her, "No! No! No! We won first place and ten thousand dollars!"

Rose grimaced and mumbled almost under her breath, "You really need the money over some poor college student."

"Rose? Rose? Is this you? Your voice is so weak, I can hardly hear you. Come to dinner and I'll give you half my winnings." There was a pause. Only half? thought Rose. Britt continued without an answer, "Rose? Rose? What do you..." Rose clicked off and went to find  Carmen. The dishes sat in lukewarm water, undone.

Hanging up on her mother was getting more frequent. It didn't seem to lessen Brittany's aggressive calls - she just developed a habit of talking faster and ignoring what Rose said. The whole thing was getting sad, especially since Rose and Carmen had signed their marriage contract.

It was time...Rose knew it. But, she thought, wrinkling the delicate skin on her forehead, When could she do this thing? When would she know how to do this? Her two friends from Piney Knoll High had not come out to anyone and their privacy was precious, but they were not married to Carmen. She sat down and buried her face in her hands.

Carmen still sat alone in front of the fire. She looked over her shoulder out the windows and noticed a few drifting snowflakes decorating gentle winds here and there. Snowing! She grinned internally and slouched down into her seat, pulling an old afghan up around her, hiding her bare arms under it. Her eyelids drifted downwards.

Wonderful! - a couple of weeks until the holidays! Something was missing, though. Carm opened her eyes and, turning towards the kitchen, she called out, "Rose! Rosie, honey!" Carmen fidgeted. Rose had been taking too long with the dishes.

Rose, her face still in her hands, swore, her thoughts scattered, interrupted. She had almost devised some way around her problems. Shit! she said to herself.

She got up, tired, even though it was way too early in the day to feel like that. Walking up behind Carmen's chair, she surrounded her with her arms and lay her cheek on her sweetly scented curls. She kissed the top of her head and asked, "What?"

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# 2| Maybe it's All Part of a Plan

***

Rose's changes in the last ten years had been a very creative journey to adulthood. She had become more practical, patient, quieter and more introverted - having time and freedom with her designer talents and painting - all things that should build the muscles of her inner spirit. Make her stronger. Carmen thought they had.

But every time Rose went head-to-head with her mother, Carmen felt her antennae bend. Rose was usually transformed into a simpering, whimpering child again - bewitched, bothered and bewildered. Carmen could feel her lover's usual exuberance dissolve into a pit of insecurity.

Rose, still with her hand resting lightly on Carmen's shoulder, moved around the chair until she was in front of her. She sat down cross-legged on the floor, her back to Shep and the fire crackling behind her, looking up at her lover, her chin in the air.

Noticing this unusual behavior of Rose's, Carmen had a premonition - and the evil frogs that usually attacked her stomach lining started dancing around on their little pointed toes. Rose smiled up at her innocently and expectantly. Carmen cleared her throat as her body tensed and told her to beware.

Rose turned her cell on. Every muscle in Carmen's body started trashing her comfort zone in front of the fire like it was an enemy. She shifted uncomfortably. The afghan slipped to the floor, leaving her a little chilled. Shep stood up and stretched, looking at her like he wanted something.

"Honey," said Rose softly as she pulled up her old texts on the cell and covered Carmen's knees with the knit blanket. Carmen watched her fingers move something around on the phone's screen. She preferred Rose's fingers in her hair. Her gay antennae bent painfully as if they would break. She felt like screaming. But, being cool, she did not.

She answered, "What is it?" knowing pretty much that her nightmare of last night was painting itself over her inner universe again. She swallowed, looking into Rose's eyes as she held up her phone, not wanting to move from those violet wells of beauty to whatever Rose was holding up to her.

The photos of Holly and her "blue ribbon" mother showed six inches from Carmen's suddenly red, irritated-looking face. The digital images actually hurt her eyes.

"I knew it! Damn it, Rosie! She just can't help rubbing her trespassing in our faces!" Carmen grabbed her stomach and moaned. Gas stabbed her in the gut, making her bend over.

"I have a plan," said Rose with a weak smile. "I can't stand to see you in any more pain."

Carmen grimaced, loving Rose at the same time which acted like pink Pepto Bismol, dissipating her stomach pain. Not romantic, but the thought broke her grim mood and made her smile. "What kind of plan? She asked, forcing an optimistic calm into her voice, praying for the best, whatever that might be.

"It's about time for us to make a move on Brittany."

Carmen couldn't help herself - she tensed - waiting for what came next.

Rose started to cry and said, "I'm coming out to mom when we get together..."

"During the holidays?" finished Carmen, trying to hide her shock.

"Won't ruin your Christmas, will it?"

"Really? You're really going to do that?"

"Si, Señora...es la verdad..."

"Hunh...?"

"Yes, I am going to do it. You coming with?"

"Shit, yeah. I wouldn't miss it." (Which was way short of the truth. Carmen was fine with just enjoying the results of this plan of Rosie's and simply basking in the smacking satisfaction that Brittany would have to back off. But, of course, there was Rose. She wanted to be there for her. The holiday would be better spent at home as far as she was concerned.)

Rose crawled closer to Carmen's legs, still sitting on the floor. The fire flared with the coarse wind gusting down the chimney and sent a plume of natural heat through the room as a few logs turned to coal. Shepard wagged his shaggy brown tail and came over too, squashing in on one side. Rose leaned her forehead up against Carmen's legs, saying in a muffled voice, "I've thought about it a lot - right before she serves the vegan dishes ... or after dessert."

"What if she drops something?"

"Then we can go out to eat at Leonardo's. They're always open on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's. I waitressed there, made a bundle on those nights. The tips were over the top. A thousand dollars in three days."

"You got it all thought out doncha', Babe?"

"Kind of...I just need you to tell me what you want to do."

Carmen bent over and put her hands under Rose's armpits and pulled her up into her lap. Rose leaned back on Carmen's arm. The fire was glowing red, needing a log.

"No two people are ever exactly alike," said Carmen.

"Hmm...?" asked Rose as she got up and put some logs on the fire, using the bellows to pick up the flames. "Don't worry, Carmen, we can do this. I sort of worked it all out. I told you, I have a plan."

Rose went back and sat down on Carmen's lap again.

"Like what other ideas do you have for this? You know better than me how volatile your mother is," said Carmen as she embraced Rose as if she could absorb the fortitude that Rose had through a hug. She kissed her on the cheek. Rose cuddled with Carmen, watching the afternoon light fade quickly and growing mysteriously thin in the windows behind the fire.

"Looks like a storm. It is only four o'clock and the sun is almost gone," said Carmen, concerned.

"Oh, no," answered Rose, her feelings swooping from uncontrolled nervousness to something close to fear. Carmen felt her lover's change in mood and pulled her even closer, whispering in her ear, "Don't worry, honey, we don't usually have storms in the winter that are anywhere near as severe as a hurricane."

As she said this, the snow kicked up and began to blow more ferociously in the wind  swirling like a dust devil. Shep whimpered and trotted over to the front windows already accumulating snow and ice.

Carmen furrowed her brow and continued, "I hope Billy and Alfonso get home soon. It doesn't look like the snow is getting any lighter."

"Shit..." answered Rose.

"We need to bed Maizie and lock the barn, so the door won't clatter loosely and spook her. Her water and hay need tending."

"'Kay..." commented Rose. "Want to go out now?"

"Not just yet. Tell me more about this plan of yours first."

Rose played with her fingers nervously and spoke with some shy hesitation, "We need to go to Christmas dinner at my mom's. After dessert (which is the best time) we move into the living room. I will put on Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano which is a holiday favorite of ours. Then...that is when we will tell her about us."

"We?" questioned Carmen.

"Well, me. I will tell her. You just be there. The cue is Feliz Navidad whenever...be prepared, just listen for it.

"Of course. Eating dinner with your mother is not something I look forward to, but I knew you would want us to go over for Christmas. So, I am prepared for that. I like her cooking. That is one good thing. You are correct not to interrupt the vegan dishes. I know I can look forward to that much. Brittany can cook. But, for personality...just make sure the CD doesn't continue on to Light My Fire..."

"Hah...yeah, I know."

"So that's the plan," said Carmen.

"So far..."

"Sounds good. Let's go bed Maizie and make sure she has feed for a few days and warm it up in there."

"'Kay, baby," answered Rose. She got up from Carmen's lap, frowned, worried as she looked out the window at the billowing snow. The ice rattled against their windows with an alarming racket.

They put on their winter gear and forced the kitchen door open against the wind and accumulated snow. The kitchen lights flickered and went out.

Both women said, "Shit!" at the same time.

"The generator!" exclaimed Carmen.

"I'll go turn it on," said Rose as a huge cope of ice slid off the roof blocking her way to the door with three feet of snow. "Damn, I'll go around to the front..."

"Be careful, don't slip," said Carm.

"I'll be fine. The electricity will be on by the time you get back."

"Love you, baby," Carmen called over her shoulder as the wind picked up and slapped her in the face with the stinging white powder. She tucked her chin inside her knit scarf and lowered her head, walking blindly up the rutted trail to the barn. A smattering of melted snow ran down her exposed neck making her shiver. She pulled her collar up and dug her hands deeper into her heavily lined canvas coat.

Under the slush and new snow was a thick layer of solid ice. Carmen had seldom been in winter weather as intense as this before, but she had an old pair of pedestrian crampons snapped over her muck boots which gripped the icy pathway.

That was one thing handed down from her parents that she was grateful for. The scarf was, too. Her mother used it to try and stop drinking. She had talent that way craft-wise. Knitting calmed her. She even made dinner every day for a month. So, Carmen let that precious memory warm her. It was an unusually pleasant memento of her negligent, alcoholic mother.

The thought of how things could turn from a normal happiness with her mother to a drunken mess made her feel she was stronger than the whistling storm surges howling in her ears. Despite her warnings to Rose, she tripped over a chunk of ice and fell. She rolled in the wet slush trying to get up, moaning in pain. She was soaked and shivering by the time she could try and get up without slipping again.

It took her quite a while, but she got up on her knees and crawled, getting even colder. Finally, she was able grab a tree and pull herself to her feet, uselessly brushing ice off her clothing. Her internal dialog was impossible to relate due to the string of profanity.

Carmen noticed that the glasses in her coat pocket had been crushed. Double that blue language. She was close to the barn now and could hear Maizie recognize her presence by whinnying.

She opened the barn door, grabbed a shovel and started cleaning. The barn was heated by a large, custom-welded wood stove surrounded by a circle of chairs. She hung her coat and gloves on the backs of a couple of chairs, stoked the stove and put a kettle on for tea.

Maizie, a very kindred and social horse, was delighted to see her and nuzzled up to her affectionately as she freshened her water and put some hay and feed in front of her. Carmen got a carrot from the barn fridge and treated the pretty mare, patting her as the tan equine munched, missing Holly from this picture. Carmen sure did love her horses.

The only things that prevented a rush of anger were the prospects of socking it to Britt and Maizie's warm presence on this cold, stormy day. The kettle on the stove whistled. Carm sat down drying her pants, standing with her legs close to the red glow of the stove, which was pumping out heat.

She sipped peppermint tea when she was finished tending to the horse, warming herself in front of the stove. It felt good, real good. This was Carmen's reality. The smell of the horse, the intimate feeling of the barn on a winter day and a good hot cup of herbal tea.

Rose struggled to the front door and managed to get into the house. She got the lights back on, revving up the generator and decided to warm up a quick meal. She was shoveling around the back door when Carmen limped up, looking very bedraggled and still wet.

"What happened to you? You look like you were attacked by a slush monster," Rose commented, laughing, looking at her feet to hide her snickering. "Not careful enough? Fall down, go boom? Or splash?"

"Fuck it!" answered Carmen, noticing a great smell coming from the kitchen - spicy, warm, succulent, tangling in her senses with allure. "Mmm...what's cooking?"

"Snowstorm Surprise..."

"It sure was."

"No, Sweetie, that's the name of the meal."

"Funny you," said Carmen, smiling into Rose's eyes, her own green eyes and Rose's violet eyes sparking a purple firecracker of love as they met. She slid a fistful of slush under the collar of Rose's parka who reacted with a scream and ran back into the kitchen, shaking the ice out of her shirt onto the ceramic floor tiles.

Carmen hung her crumpled, muddy coat on a hook near the door and peeled her boots off. Dirt fell from her pants when she stamped her feet and a few dry leaves fell out of her hair.

"You look like you were mugged," said Rose still laughing dryly.

"By a lump of ice."

Both women laughed together as the storm outside gathered in ferocity. A line of icicles fell outside with a loud crash. Carmen jumped.

Rose said, "The radio predicted that the storm would end tomorrow sometime. The cable is down. Want to watch the VCR tonight and have a good old-fashioned movie evening? I have some new tapes. Got Jurassic Park from the thrift store. I know you haven't seen it. That's the best place for vintage films. Cheap, too, only fifty cents per video."

Carmen served herself a large bowl of Rosie's piping hot, homemade split pea soup and freshly made strawberry cornbread, still warm from the oven. She stretched out, combed her fingers through her tangled hair, crossed her ankles under the table and continued eating with gusto...and love for the cook.

After that cold, wet soaking and the hard work in the stable, this was heavenly.

Outside, the storm raged on. The snow had rescinded a little. The weather was in the process of warming, but suddenly, there was a huge crack of thunder. Carmen dropped her soup spoon with a clatter. She groaned, grabbed her stomach at the disturbance and belched, as lightning struck perilously near to her precious old oak, just missing the house.

Rose looked up from her meal with concern. She said, "Shit! That was close! You okay?"

"Yeah, I am ... and yeah, the hell it was. I hope it doesn't rain."

"We don't need any more ice."

"Is the regular electricity on yet?"

"I'll go downstairs and check."

"We don't want to run off the generator for too long if we don't have to."

"Sure thing. I'll turn the generator off if we don't need it."

As the weather slammed and howled around their home, the two of them decided to sleep early after their preparations for the Christmas holiday tomorrow. The regular electrical was back on, but they turned off all electricity other than their oil heat and hot water and went to bed, using candlelight.

The silence this ice storm had produced, and the hectic activity of the day made Carmen relax totally in a very hot, steamy shower. She crawled into bed and snuggled into Rose's back, losing consciousness as soon as she sensed her lover's familiar scent and brushed her lips on the smooth skin of her back. She fell asleep in the middle of that kiss, her mouth still open.

Billy and Alfonso had not come home by the next morning. They stayed where they had partied Christmas Eve, while the two women worked to protect their home from the storm. Not a romantic thing for the holiday, but warm, loving and necessary.

***

THE SCENERY OUTSIDE glittered with silver as the morning sun washed its rays over each tree. Every bud, branch and blade of exposed grass that was not covered by the pressure of snowy slush was coated with frost or bent under the weight of the ice. Everything was encapsulated in ice. It looked like a fantasy, not North Carolina. Disney World, maybe.

The sun rose orange over the frozen magnolia and stilled apple trees just beginning to bud. Wild grasses stood stiffly next to clumped, expired wildflowers still visible and glistening with ice above the snow.

The storm had decreased dramatically during the night and warming was accelerating. The ice was beginning to melt little by little, dripping water off a few greenish buds on dormant branches onto the now exposed soil showing up in muddy patches around the property. It was a droopy, wet, dark Christmas morning. Mud, snow and ice were interspersed around their fields.

This was the day Carmen had dreamt about for over a decade, her ten years with Rose. It was finally here! She yawned and stretched thinking about their big plans for tonight. She looked over at Rose - her long lashes dark against her reddened cheeks, still breathing quietly in her sleep.

She felt a deep calm come over her, shivering with emotion. She knew once Rose decided on anything, it would happen. She knew Rose and she knew she would be guided by however she wanted to do this. This was Rose's show. She was fine with just being there and had ten years' worth of comments all saved up just in case she needed an arsenal.

She started to get up and looked at the dismal dripping sight of her front yard turning into soggy pools of water and a quagmire of ooze. She began to hum Feliz Navidad under her breath. She did a little two-step picking out her holiday attire. Shepard snored loudly, snorting until Rose woke up and smiled at the sight of Carmen dancing in a baggy pair of red velvet pants. Carmen chose a beaded and embroidered matching red velvet top.

Rose said, "Come here." Her eyes watched Carmen's lithe movements, the shape of her hips and butt revealed by the clinging drapes of velvet. Carmen's silver curls shone bright on the neckline of the blouse which was beaded with crystal, blue dolomite and tiger's eye laced all the way down the front.

"Don't crumple the velvet," cooed Carmen, as she lay back down.

"I can't think of anything better to do," answered Rose, fighting to be heard over the continuous blasting snores of the dog. Carmen nudged him gently with her foot - making him open his eyes and stop the noise as he awoke and stared at her. He stretched and climbed up onto the bed, curling into Rose, wedging himself between the two of them. On her other side was Tater, their forty-pound Coon cat, purring like an idling Maserati. He extended his paw over Rose trying to touch Shep on the other side.

"There...you see? I'm surrounded. I can't crumple you."

"Don't you have some cooking to do for tonight? Rita and Longoria are coming over. Bill and Alfie..."

As if on cue, the two men slammed in the front door, singing loudly, in perfect falsetto, two-part harmony, "Have yourself a merry, little Christmas ... make the Yuletide GAY!!" Loud laughter rang in the front hall.

Rose grumbled, getting out of bed, sliding their big dog onto the floor. Tater hissed showing his distaste of the move. She stood there, naked in the dim morning light, surrounded by the twinkling white Christmas lights strung around the window, framing her beauty in an otherworldly way. And she really was a virgin, too. She looked like a nude angel. A nude Virgin Mary.

Carmen snickered at the sight and said, "Well, honey - you are the very image of a nude Mrs. Santa."

Rose sniffed and pulled her clothes on. She retorted, "The boys are home from their Christmas Eve debauchery."

"Yeah, I heard their gay cheer. Do they have to come tonight?"

"Ah, shit, no. They would be good, but this will be hard enough with just the two of us. I have to live with this decision."

"Why are you wearing jeans and a T?"

"I have to cook, remember?"

"Um."

"We only invited Lt. Jones and Longoria plus us and the boys..."

"I still want to make a couple of dishes for mom's and finish the hoeur d'oeuvres for the pre-party."

"You're really making food for your mother, a professional cook? And an asshole. Are you making Asshole du jour?"

"Very funny. Just felt like taking homemade Baked Alaska and a raspberry-pear cobbler. She already promised the Haagen dazs vanilla."

"Mmm...you didn't say it was dessert! I would ask what the occasion was..."

"It's a biggie. We need that and a little Dom Perignon bubbly to celebrate."

Carmen walked over to her lover and embraced her, tasting her mouth. Rose slid her hands over the velvet covering Carmen's hips, she said, "Oh, baby, I have to get cookin'."

Carmen responded with another loud kiss, saying, "I thought you were cookin' just fine right now..."

"Very funny," answered Rose over her shoulder as she ran barefoot into the hall and downstairs to the kitchen. "You're the one who didn't want to get crumpled," she yelled up the staircase.

Carmen had gotten up late last night and decorated the living room with candles, live evergreen garlands with red bows and tons of white, fluffy glitter doilies on all the tables underneath the candles. There were strings of multi-colored led lights flashing in the windows against wide silver and gold aluminum garlands. No tree - just all kinds of artistic and tasteful arrangements using fresh evergreen. It was over-the-top and smelled divine.

Rose was stunned. Carmen's thoughtfulness made her breathless for a moment. The surreal lights around the windows mesmerized her. She took a deep breath. A tear ran down her cheek. The sharp green scent of fresh pine imprinted her brain and took her to a place and time she had once only dreamt about.

This was real. It was not a dream. She sat down and lit a large scented candle, musing on the angel hair glitter underneath the sconce, lost in thought.

|  |

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# 3| Maybe Just the Touch of a Hand ...

***

Platters of salmon sushi and vegan Spring rolls with umeboshi plum were delicately set out in Carmen and Rose's sparkling decorated living room. A bottle of Dom Perignon sat chilling in an ice bucket. The only lights were the leds, candles and the fireplace. It was very intimate and romantic with soft music drifting gently in the background...a little vintage Nat King Cole.

Rose had changed out of her stained apron and jeans into a beautiful lace blouse with a white satin Camisole. She wore small diamond studs that Carmen had just given her and a matching Herkimer crystal bracelet. Her skirt was midi-length, made of crushed green velvet with a lacy white apron. This complimented Carmen's outfit of red. She lit incense to intensify the pine perfume of the evergreen garlands hung on the walls.

To set off all the magnificent decor, Rose had strung her favorite pink crystal on a red velvet string and wore it like a cameo around her neck.

Billy and Alfonso had taken over the kitchen and were making their own Christmas dinner, promising to mix drinks for their guests. Carmen got out a bottle of 100% organic fruit juice Sangria for herself and for a wine mixer.

Margarita Jones and Longoria had arrived and sat on the couch sipping...what else? Margaritas.... Rose asked for music requests as she served the hoeurs d'oeuvres.

"Just anything festive except 'White Christmas'," said Lt. Jones.

"Not even Bing Crosby?"

"Not even. Sorry, I have a thing about that song."

"Cool. Got plenty of other things in our collection." Rose put on Feliz Navidad.

There was a crash and the sound of broken pottery in the kitchen. Carmen's loud angry voice carried to the next room, "Fucking shit, Rose! What the hell?!"

"Sorry, had to make sure the CD is not scratched. Sounds just fine to me," shouted Rose at the kitchen door."

"Ok. I thought your mother walked in."

Rita wrinkled her brow. "Hunh?" she asked, confused at the reference.

"Oh starry, starry night..." commented Carmen cryptically, walking back into the living room and sitting next to Jones with a huge smile on her face. It was pleasant sitting next to her best friend, hiding from the coming emotional storms. She explained her comment, "We're coming out to Brittany tonight. That song is our cue. Starry, starry, night is a morose comment about Van Gogh's..."

"...Suicide," finished Rita.

"Alleged suicide, actually," corrected Rose. "There is evidence that Van Gogh was murdered by a group of young thugs who had a local reputation for bullying him and others. The leader of the local bullies had just bought a gun. He allegedly shot Van Gogh in the stomach. Not too many people commit suicide by shooting themselves in the stomach."

"Really?" commented Longoria with surprise.

"Read about it," answered Rose, putting the Jose Feliciano recording in her apron pocket with a pat.

"You have no qualms about coming out?" asked Longoria as Carmen and Lt. Jones became engrossed in a deep legal argument.

"No," said Rose, looking at Carmen sitting so close to Rita and speaking intently six inches from her face.

Rose felt a pinching sensation in her cheek. She brushed her face with her hand. She thought with a flash of biting green envy, Why tonight?! Then brushed the negative thought aside. This is our night. Carm wouldn't do that ... N-a-w...

But she wrung her hands until Longoria reached over and held her arms, making her stop. Jones's lover whispered perceptively, "Don't worry. Carmen and Rita are very old friends. They grew up together. That's all, just friends."

"What?!" asked the Lieutenant, curious and surprised at the whispered conversation. (Her cop-lady ears were perked). She reached over and pulled Longoria's hand away from Rose. Rose's jealousy bubble broke. Looked like nobody was fooling with anyone. How embarrassing.

Longoria's face was shadowed with a short flash of anger as she grabbed Rita's hand and beckoned her to follow her into the kitchen. Rita looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at Rose. Rose looked down, ashamed that everyone knew about her feelings. She had gotten caught committing one of the seven deadly sins. She looked over at Rita and raised an audacious eyebrow right back at her. Nobody sassed the Lieutenant, but Jones just winked at her putting her arm around Longoria's waist.

Not a word was heard after they shut the kitchen door. There was total silence. They certainly weren't fighting.

***

BILLY AND ALFONSO'S voices rang out from the kitchen, "Pass the kitchie from the left-hand side..." along with Bob Marley. The scent of roast Peking duck made its way into the living room, along with another smell.

"Uh, oh...they're smokin' weed in there," said Rose, moving over next to Carmen, feeling a little distanced and guilty for her reaction to Jones and Carmen sitting so close together.

"Don't worry, you know they like their weed ... as long as our valiant Lieutenant is off-duty. And she is off-duty tonight."

"Yeah, I forgot," answered Rose. "She'll be off for a few days right through the New Year, barring emergencies."

"She just doesn't like weed when she is scheduled to work."

Rita and Longoria came back into the living room Definitely seemed like they were okay now. They smiled down at Carmen and Rose - definitely okay, too. Rita looked Rose in the eyes and said, "Hope you feelin' better now, honey. Carmen and I are friends for life. There is no reason to distrust that."

"Yes, ma'am," answered the Rose meekly, seriously embarrassed that her lapse in judgment was obvious to everyone in the room. Thank God that Bill and Alf had not been there to see her. They were still busy elsewhere.

Rita commented, still standing, "We need to go to the relatives. Love you all. Good luck tonight.... Call me, Carmen, fill me in." She held Longoria's hand. They both walked toward the front hall. Rita continued talking over her shoulder, "And you...Rose...don't worry. Carmen and I can put our calls on speaker if you're concerned. My baby has nothing to worry about. I'm all hers." She smiled and squeezed Longoria's shoulder.

Rose turned a hundred shades of red and hid her face in Carmen's side as the two guests walked out. She said, "Oh, fuck it."

"What was that all about?" asked Carmen, perplexed.

"I'll fill you in later. It was nothing. We have to go to moms. I'll pack the desserts and champagne."

"Don't forget the CD."

"It's in my pocket. Mom has a copy too."

"I'll pull the car around."

"Okay."

***

AS CARMEN AND ROSE walked up to Brittany's front door, they both noticed that the Christmas music was blasting from her state-of-the-art house-wide stereo system. It was way too loud and seemed to vibrate into the front porch.

"How is she going to hear us knock?" asked Carmen, shifting the raspberry cobbler's heavy Pyrex pan in her arms.

"Shit," answered Rose. She proceeded to yell for her mother at any pause in the shattering holiday noise. No response. "She must be drinking," continued Rose, trying the door. It was unlocked. "Well, at least she remembered that we were coming over."

"Hopefully..." added Carmen.

The two women entered the house as the music magically decreased to a more comfortable volume. As they rounded the doorway to the living room, they could hear Brittany talking and laughing on her cell phone.

"There dear, that is my holiday joy for you. I am so sorry you had to do this for me and miss my daughter. I am sorry I cannot be with you. We will make up for it."

There was a pause as both women stood still, curious at the intimate tone of the conversation.

Brittany continued, oblivious to their presence, "I love you too, honey. I will see you soon." Carmen and Rose heard Britt make a kissy noise. Rose cleared her throat loudly. Carmen called out, "Merry Christmas, Brittany!" with a smile. She raised her eyebrows at Rose who shrugged her shoulders and whispered, "My mom hasn't had a lover in quite a while."

Carmen whispered back, "Sounds close to it now. Some fool might fall for her - temporarily, anyway."

Brittany called out, "What was that? Come in girls...come on in!" She stood in her dining room with her hands on her hips, wearing a red, green and gold reindeer apron with bells on the bottom hem. The entire first floor was an imitation Santa's Village replete with elves and a large sleigh laden with wrapped gifts next to a huge decorated faux pine reaching to the ceiling. It was too much but amazing.

"Sit down! Relax!" Brittany frowned, taking a seat on the couch herself and picking up a full drink glass, obviously totaled.

Carmen and Rose carried their food awkwardly into the kitchen.

Brittany shouted after them, cheerily, "Isn't it a beautiful day!"

Rose turned to Carmen, snickering, "What is her problem? That's not just drunkenness!"

Carmen huffed with laughter. She said, "Maybe it's love. Even the devil can fall in love. How else would we redeem evil?" She paused a beat and continued, "Ready for the big moment?"

"Uh, ye--ah...this only makes things a little more complicated. I totally refuse to put off my life for her anymore. I don't care what the situation is."

Carmen gave Rose a quick smooch, "Good thinking," she said. "I'm sure we'll find out what she thinks. Your mom is not known for her subtlety."

Brittany burst into the kitchen and started carrying the dinner dishes she had prepared into the dining room. As she bustled around, she pushed Carmen aside. She didn't even look at Carmen as she brought the steaming dishes into the other room, placing them on a large maple dining table.

It looked scrumptious. She had made braggadocio local organic turkey stuffed with wild rice; a wild rice-marinated tofu dish for her vegan offering and a whipped squash-sweet potato dish, kale and strawberries.

Red cabbage salad and a vegan carrot soup with homemade gingerbread were served first. Conversation ebbed to minimal while Brittany's cuisine was being admired and consumed with a subdued, slightly anxious, joy. Even Carmen had to admit that Britt was a bang-up cook.

She was flexible about Carm and Rosie's requests for vegan dishes even though the two of them ate meat occasionally, or fresh fish or eggs. Carmen's stomach was better with veggies. While they ate, fears of Britt's past homophobic views were minimized.  There was very little conversation.

Except for one thing - Brittany knew that most vegan dishes were Keto friendly, which meant she could eat a portion and still not gain weight over the holidays. That was "Alternative" for her. Always self-serving. That's why she didn't mind the vegan dishes. Her homophobia was self-serving as well. She held all kinds of things for ransom...do something for me, I'll do something for you. Rosie never really felt independent enough to just naturally do something spontaneously nice for her mother or be spontaneous at all. She never had the chance. Everything seemed a little to a lot coerced.

Rose helped clear the table at the end of dinner and seemed to be a bit shaky. She dropped a saucer and shattered it all over the floor splattering her mother's homemade cranberry sauce on the parquet. Her mother cleaned it up without a comment, giving her a funny look.

Rose looked into Carmen's eyes. Carmen was sure she saw a single tear. Disappearing back into the kitchen, Rose got out the Baked Alaska. Carmen joined her and put an arm around her shoulders.

Rose tensed a little and said, "I need help here." She smiled and kissed Carm on the cheek.

Carmen said, "Don't worry, honey, it'll be fine. Britt is soused - flyin', Sweetie. She'll either love us or hate us." She looked down pensively - feeling Rose's hopefulness, she continued, "I hope it's love, too, darling."

Rose said nothing in response and put her CD into the house player in the kitchen. Carmen put on two oven mitts and picked up the warm raspberry-pear cobbler. She shoved the swinging kitchen door open with her foot. Rose followed.

***

THE HOUSE FILLED WITH the melodic voice of Jose Feliciano:

Feliz Navidad ... feliz Navidad ...

Feliz Navidad prospero año y felicidad ..."

Rose did a few dance steps (even though she was scared as hell) after putting her impressive deserts on a coffee table angel hair doily in the living room. Carmen brought out plates, forks and some gauche Christmas napkins decorated with obese Santas. Brittany seemed delighted at Rose's culinary skill. Baked Alaska is not an easy dish to make. And, putting raspberries in pear cobbler just showed off more of her daughter's ingenuity. The crust was divine and flaky. Brittany let out an enthusiastic "MMmm..." when she dug into the Alaska, after the impressive flaming rum went out atop the perfect meringue.

The entire room seemed to get brighter along with the flaming dish. Rose laughed and sat down close to Carmen and put her arm around her, looking directly at her mother at the same time, who barely looked up from her food. When she did, she smiled at the two of them and raised her ubiquitous glass of nog to them. "Lovely!" she said suddenly, totally out of character, not blinking at the sight of the two women sitting so closely and touching in an affectionate way.

"Ah, you two!" she continued. "Always so lovey-dovey! You really love each other, don't you? I think you always have. Best friends forever!!" She raised her ironic egg nog glass again, way drunker than at the time of her daughter's arrival, before which she had probably spent some quality time with Jack Daniels and his sister Coca-Cola with ice, not to mention sampling the Dom Perignon that Carmen and Rose had brought over.

"Mother!" said Rose loudly, finishing the cobbler on her plate by swishing it into the vanilla ice cream and placing the melted dish on an end table. She put her hand on Carmen's thigh while Carmen was still eating. "We are not just friends."

"I know. I know..." interrupted Brittany, leaning slightly to one side.

"You know what?!" sputtered Carmen, swallowing awkwardly and slamming her desert dish on the coffee table.

"What?!" she repeated a little louder, since Brittany's drunkenness could easily be mistaken for deafness. She continued more emphatically, "Exactly what do you know?"

Britt fluttered her huge fake eyelashes and looked aggressive. She stood up unsteadily, then threw her left hand absently into the air and said, "That you two are lesbians. That's pretty much a non-surprise for me."

Britt sat down again just as suddenly, putting her sloshing egg nog cup on an end table with a bang. "I mean," she continued. "Who the hell wouldn't know? Either the two of you were members of some touchy-feely sect or lesbians. Who lives together with an unrelated person for ten years? There are a limited number of reasons. I only gave two and I choose the second." She paused dramatically, trying to make the moment all about her. Then she continued, "I'm right, aren't I?"

Carmen was staring hard at Brittany, not sure of what to say. Rose nodded, just to make sure her mother saw her affirmation.

"Mmm..." Brittany said again, looking at Rose. "These deserts are exquisite. You are quite a good cook."

"For a lesbian," Rose answered, red-faced and defiant.

"Oh, please, Rose. I apologize for my remarks about homosexuality. I was in denial and used my charity business as an excuse. No one I know would dare say anything about you that I didn't like. Things change."

She went on, "I am truly sorry. I won't say those types of things again. If you have the nerve to come out to me, I guess I have the couth to let it go and accept things the way they are."

Same old Britt who couldn't put anything in a nice way ... but is this real?

"Okay, mother," answered Rose, standing and beckoning Carmen to follow her. She looked over her shoulder at her mother and said, "Things need to be different now, mother."

Brittany, true to form, seemed not to hear. She called out as they walked away, "Merry Christmas, girls..." She stretched out on the couch, listening to the rest of the songs on the Jose Feliciano CD. Her arm came over the top of the couch. Carmen and Rose saw her hand swishing around in the air in a lazy wave over her head.

"I hope her aggressiveness will change now," said Carmen, doubtfully.

"Well, now she knows we don't belong to some cult. She knows we are lesbians for sure. Maybe it will create some respect for our relationship, but I bet she'll keep on breaking in the house and the barn. I mean, she knew, Carmen - and she did all that shit anyway. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her about our marriage after that weird reaction. I'll tell her later when she's sober."

"Merry Christmas, my ass," replied Carmen sarcastically. "Same ol' Britt. Instead of a nasty homophobe waiting to break us up, she's just going to be a plain nosy-ass butt-in-ski."

"What are you girls talking about?" Brittany yelled into room.

"We are leaving, mother. It's getting late. Merry Christmas," yelled Rose back.

"Not what I expected," said Rose getting into the driver's seat of her re-tooled, polished red diamond of a sleek vintage Mustang. Carmen joined her. "We might as well give her keys," said Rose smirking over at the passenger side.

"No fucking way!" answered Carmen, adamantly, as they drove gratefully away from Brittany's Santa Village. "Could have been way worse, though, Rosie," continued Carmen touching Rose's cheek with her hand. "Way worse...hate to say it but your mom had some elan. She didn't commit to anything, but she was so unsurprised that she gets some credit on her karma card for her apparently long-term ambiguity."

"We are free now, Carmen. She did not object to us being together."

"All three of us..." answered Carmen with a touch of her old bitterness.

"Well, we installed a bolt on our bedroom door."

"And a security system that gets great video coverage of your mother's escapades on our property. Good enough to post on Facebook."

As the Mustang entered their driveway, they interrupted a stranger entering with a small pickup to which a single stall horse trailer was attached.

"What the fuck!" shouted Carmen as she raced out of the car, sprinting over to the strange woman with the trailer.

The woman standing next to the empty trailer was dressed in an elaborate, obviously brand new, cowgirl outfit - boots and fringed jacket. She was older but strikingly beautiful and looking wide-eyed at Carmen.

Carmen was not impressed and said, trying to hide her anger in the small heart-shaped face of this genuinely friendly lady. She so short, Carm had to look down at her. It didn't hurt that she was Rose's size. But the woman's sense of self-righteousness overwhelmed her. She said, the anger rising again, not so disguised this time, "What the hell are you doing here?! Who are you? This is my property. You're trespassing."

The woman took a step back and answered with a shaky voice, "Uh, hi, Carmen. My name is Sarah Atchison." The woman stopped speaking and looked up at Carmen, trying to smile and saying, hopefully, "Your roommate's mother might have mentioned me?" Carmen had no reaction and just shook her head, so Sarah continued, "I am a close friend and employee of Brittany Oliver. She sent me over to return your horse, Holly. I told her to tell you what we were doing. But..."

Carmen had to laugh and finish her sentence for her, "...Shit, yeah, we know."

"She talked to you?"

"No way. She thinks she has the right to visit any time she wants to."

"Kind of thought she might. So many people love her, and her talents help so many, but we all know she can be a little pushy."

"A little..."

Sarah moved closer to Carmen, sticking out her delicate, manicured hand. She said demurely, "It's so nice to meet you. I'm so sorry..."

"Oh, Sarah, forget it! I understand more than you will ever know." She touched the woman's soft hand in some semblance of a handshake. She dug in her pocket for a Green Goddess business card, handing it to Sarah with the admonition, "Please call or text me if you have to do this type of thing again. Just don't tell Brittany."

"Of course, Carmen. I don't ordinarily keep secrets from Britt, but in this case, I disagree with her."

Rose walked over and slid her hand around Carmen's waist, lodging it in her back pocket. Sarah took a step back and didn't hide her wide eyes.

"That's okay," said Rose laughing at Sarah's reaction to their affection. "That's right, we're both lesbians." You could tell Rose was still into a good fight after Christmas dinner. The evening was growing late, and the sun was sinking into the horizon, only the Christmas lights on the outside of their house illuminated their faces.

The darkness might have made Sarah a bit more forward. She asked, "You're in love with each other?"

Rose jerked her head close to Sarah's and said, "For life. We're legally married."

Sarah frowned and said, "I thought that's not legal yet..."

Carmen chimed in, "In North Carolina there are magistrates that will not let gay people marry, but there is a federal statute that recognized our rights in 2015 ... Obergefell v. Hodges"

Sarah grew thoughtful and commented, "There is a lot there - children, hospitals, cemetery rights, funeral rights, insurance..."

Rose began to warm to this stranger, who obviously worked for her mother in some capacity, but was very intelligent, sort of an oxymoron. She put her hand on Sarah's shoulder and said sympathetically, "You are so right! Carmen is the love of my life. We just came out to my mother today."

Sarah was taken aback and moved away from Rose slightly, causing Rose's hand to fall off her shoulder. Sarah looked embarrassed and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really cannot get involved in this. I work for Brittany..."

Rose thought with smacking satisfaction, I knew it! I mean, who the hell else would do my mother's dirty work? Rose answered out loud, "Of course. I understand...I thought as much. You don't need to let her know that you know." Rose frowned and looked at Carmen in askance.

Carmen chimed in, "That deep, dark closet creeps in on its own doesn't it?" She looked at Sarah, who was wringing her hands and looking anxious to leave...just to run away from the whole confrontation. Probably regretting she had volunteered to do this thing.

Carmen continued, "Rose has a thing about coming out. She thinks denial is easier all the way around. I usually disagree to an extent. She's on a roll since coming out this afternoon...and," Carmen laughed, "she won't let it go."

Sarah answered, "Just like her mother to be so insistent."

It was Rose's turn to chuckle.

Sarah got into the pickup and leaned out the window on her elbow, reaching out for Rose. She took hold of her shoulder and said, cryptically, "Things change, Rose, mark my words. Just right now, the timing is not good. I think you will understand later when you know more."

Rose swallowed and said honestly, "It's okay, Sarah. We can get to know you, rather than springing this thing on you right away, or jeopardizing your job."

Sarah patted Rose's shoulder.

"Oh, I should tell you," Rose continued. "Mother already assumed we were lesbians before I even came out. Like, she knew! I know she suspected me since high school, but we can't figure out how she got so certain. We just can't figure it."

Sarah reacted with a very attractive lilting laugh and said, "Oh! You never know with Brittany. She is one surprise after another. Bye now! I will keep in touch and I promise I will let you know if she decides to send me over to invade your home again."

Sarah put the truck in gear. Carmen and Rose moved away. She called out her window. "I usually know her plans of the day. I read her planner every evening. I will try to volunteer and have her send me instead of coming over here herself. I don't think it will work all the time, but I will not forget to suggest it. By the way," she added apologetically, "Holly is in your barn."

Carmen shouted a loud, sincere, "Thank you!"

"Wow," exclaimed Rose as they watched the rear end of the horse trailer disappear onto the dirt road to the highway. "Amazing lady! I can't believe my mother would hire someone like her. So warm and friendly and open."

"Wonder what she does for Brittany?" asked Carmen, more to herself than Rose.

"She told me she's her P.A., her personal assistant, and handles some of her appointments."

"We're an appointment?!" said Carmen, irritated at the thought of being on Britt's daily planner as an obligation.

"You know what I mean"

"Yeah. Making Sarah do her dirty work while she sweet-talks someone and gets drunk. We were written in her daily calendar and Sarah's job specifications of the day."

"Um...sort of..."

"Well, that's two people we don't have to hide from."

"I will miss that little bit of excitement we get from hiding from her, but it is worth losing that to not feel afraid as much."

"Sarah hasn't met Billy and Alf yet. She seems okay with gay folks though."

"Seems so. Yeah, I like her. we will just have to be careful and act straight when those two are together with us."

"Shitski...how together can you get? I bet mother won't mind letting her in on our big secret. Brittany was Wonder Woman today. I'm beginning to almost think of her as periodically normal."

"She was a bit drunk for Wonder Woman. I didn't know extraterrestrials could drink egg nog with whiskey or champagne."

"Some can, obviously."

"Well, fucking Merry Christmas."

"...and, say hello to a weird, but new, year," added Rose, taking Carmen's hand and walking hand-in-hand through the still-present snow to their home sparkling with Christmas lights and exuding warmth and happiness.

|  |

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# 4| Kiss Me Under the Light of a Thousand Stars

***

Billy threw open the front door, throwing his arms wide, saying, "Tell me! Tell me everything! How did the big day go?!" Alfie stood behind him smiling.

Carmen smirked and said, "Amazing, Cuz! She knew!" She watched Bill's smile fade into confusion.

"But...but..." he sputtered, letting the two women walk past him into the house. He shut the door, unable to speak.

Rose huffed and told him, "God, Billy. You know my mother. No one tells her what to do. We figure her sudden visits won't change but we don't have to hide our relationships anymore."

"Our relationships?!" cried Bill. "You mean she knows about me and Alfie, too?!"

"Jesus, Bill," stated Rose cynically. "Everyone in town knows about you. It's a hip-hop, skip and a jump to figure out what Alf is to you."

Carmen added, "If she knew about me and Rose...I mean...The other possibility she gave us was that we were all members of some communal religious cult."

Alfie giggled and grabbed Billy around the waist saying, "Ha! I can describe that religion to you, but you might have to cover your ears."

Carmen walked towards the kitchen, heading towards the back door. She called to her roomies, "I need to check on Holly. Britt's personal assistant just brought her back."

"Coward! Sending someone else to do her dirty work" said Billy, with disgust. "When did she do that?"

Rose answered, "You didn't hear or see anything?"

Alfie responded, "We, um, were busy. Didn't hear a thing." He looked lovingly at Billy and said, "There's a reason we didn't go to any parties."

Rose smiled and continued, "There is more. We'll fill you in on everything later."

"Can't wait," lisped Alfonso, mincing into the piney scent of the living room in his stocking feet, curling up on the couch against Billy. He continued, in a low voice, "We're watching a movie."

"I want to see my horse," answered Rose, throwing a kiss to the two lovebirds and following Carmen and the dog outside. Shep leaped ahead, bounding towards the bright red barn.

She heard Alfie shout, "We love you! No matter what!" Billy raised a glass of leftover nog at their disappearing figures.

***

ROSE AND CARMEN TRUDGED through two feet of snow up the muddy dirt tracks to the barn, slipping and sliding in the slush. Carmen looked behind her when Shep barked and saw Rose close behind her. She smiled and threw a snowball at her, opening the small door to their stables. She looked back at her land and noticed that night was falling with a slowly appearing breathless tangle of stars and a very bright, clear moon. She thought of Christmas and smiled. She felt good. It was a perfect Christmas day. The perfect sky for a perfect day. She wondered what would become of their relationship with Brittany and then quickly forgot about it, glad that the initial coming out was done. Now all they had to do was wait to see how things would change. If they did, she thought grimly with irony.

Sarah had obviously stoked the wood stove and given both Maizie and Holly fresh hay and water. Carmen looked at Holly and was pleasantly surprised that she was more than perfectly groomed (not that she thought otherwise, the horse having been in a competition), brushed until she shone, with her mane and tail trimmed and braided. Her hooves had seen a farrier. When Carm checked her teeth, she found they had been recently floated and were nice and flat.

She filled the horse's feed container with Holly's grain and vitamin-mineral mix. Rose walked through the door and announced her presence by crunching across the floor, dragging a muck shovel.

"Hey, cupcake!" called Carmen, giving Holly's smooth, tan flanks a pat and hugging her neck, to which the horse responded with a mutual nug with her head - hooking it around Carmen's shoulders. She neighed with a series of tremulous huffs when she spotted Rose in the background who broke out in a wide smile and ran over to her. Maizie caused laughter when she joined in with her own set of blustery noises - happy to try and join in that affectionate attention.

The wind kicked up and rattled the large, sliding doors to the stables. It howled, and the two women could see the stove burn brighter when the sweeping updraft hit the stovepipe on the roof. They could still feel the cold air around their legs. They knew the snow was being blown into large drifts outside. They would have to get someone to plow. Hopefully, they could wade through it to get back to the house. It would be pitch dark very soon. Rose walked to their outside lights and turned them on.

Holly snorted and stamped her hooves as Rose entered her stall. Carmen went over to Maizie and began to brush her, giving her some of the grain mixture. The horse thanked her by bumping her gently with her large wet nose. Sweet, old Amazing. She was getting on to thirteen but had always been well-kept and very much loved. She had lived with them since she was a foal. She was family.

"Wow," commented Rose as she examined Holly carefully. "She looks great. Mom did a better job than usual." Rose started unbraiding Holly's hair and brushed out the blonde curls gently until they shone. "But, of course, she left the unbraiding to me. Come to think of it, so did Sarah."

"So did Britt's stable hands. Sarah probably wanted to get out of our stable quickly. I'm sure she felt some panic and guilt at Britt's subterfuge."

Both women shoveled the floor and spread clean hay. The horses were loving the attention and their contented huffing was an antiphon of each other. Shepard completed this spontaneous animal nativity by curling up near the stove. Carmen looked at him and said, "I could do that. He loves to cuddle up to that hot stove."

Both of them sat down in the worn easy chairs around the stove. Carmen made some instant hot chocolate, the kind with the teeny tiny marshmallows. She lit a scented candle on an old thrift store table. They had a comfortable setting around the stove which included a couple of cots for long-term emergencies in the stable.  In the back of the barn was a small kitchen with a refrigerator, locked grain storage and cabinets with canned and other preserved foods. Storms were not unknown in their town, so being trapped in a building by the weather necessitated some preparation.

They rested their feet by the fire on either side of the dog. Tater, their now huge adult Coon cat had been spending a lot of time in the barn to keep the winter influx of mice down. He came over and rubbed against Rose's legs and purred loudly. Rose had not forgotten him and reached into her coat pocket for some homemade venison jerky. He took the treat, attracted the dog, meowed and jumped into her lap to get out of the way as she gave Shep a piece too. Rose grunted under the weight of the cat.

"Good God, Carmen! He must weigh over twenty pounds! Still love him to bits but he weighs a ton!"

"Still growing, too."

"Yup. These cats get huge. Good thing he's a sweetie...that size makes for super-sized claws and fangs. Coon cats can grow up to thirty pounds and forty-five inches in length, or more. He's only around two years old, give him a couple of years."

"Holy!"

Rose continued, looking deep into Tater's brown fur, playing with its soft texture. She continued, speaking more softly - which caught Carmen's attention, "Baby, did you see my mother's ring?"

Caught off-guard, Carmen answered, "No. What ring?"

"The one she was wearing at Christmas dinner. It looks like a real diamond engagement ring. It has to be real. I've never known my mother to use fake jewelry. Even her semi-precious stuff is expensive. Mother doesn't hesitate to spend her money on anything she deems important. It's obvious she used the best products when grooming Holly for the dressage competition. Her shoes are new and even her hooves are shiny and brilliantly trimmed."

"I'd agree," answered Carmen. "So, what's the big deal about the ring?"

"It's on the third finger, right hand. Britt doesn't play with that. Carmen, it has to be real. Remember that phone call we overheard?"

"So ... she's gonna marry some weird guy who'll find out later what he did."

"What do you mean So?! - Like it doesn't matter!" answered Rose, upset at Carmen's laconic reaction. "I don't need a step-father! She's hard enough to deal with by herself! Britt is prone to rivalry. If someone, especially me, has something good, she wants it." She looked over Carmen's shoulder at Holly with a rueful smile.

Carmen replied, filling her mug again with the hot chocolate on the stove, "That's why she uses your horse for dressage competition and not her own very good and much younger horses."

"I don't think her knowing about us will change that."

"I don't either."

"Jealousy, Carmen. She has always been envious of me. I don't need a man involved with our relationship. God, I hope she isn't serious about some guy!"

"Well, we got through the last ten years..."

"Sure...we'll survive it," Rose said with a hint of bitterness in her voice as she absent-mindedly ruffled Tater's fur, trying not to think of the complication. The big green-eyed cat continued to purr as Rose sank into doldrums of negative feelings as she watched the flames of the wood stove flicker. She kicked off her boots and pushed them nearer the stove to dry. Shep grunted in contentment as she rubbed his sleeping form with her foot.

Carmen reached over to Rose and stroked her shoulder with a spark in her eyes. She got up and moved Tater, gently putting him on the floor next to the dog. The two animals touched noses and curled up together.

Carmen grinned and said, "Let's live in here, Rose. That stove is so cozy, eh? We could move from the house. That way we can protect your horse from mommie dearest."

Rose smiled and stood up against Carmen. She reached under her coat and embraced her.

"Kind of rustic, isn't it? With hay all over the floor?" she answered with a giggle as Carmen pulled up Rose's sweater and touched her skin until she tingled, Carmen's cold hand making the move sexier. Carmen pulled a cot closer to the stove and tugged Rose towards it.

Rose laughed and unzipped Carmen's parka. Putting her own hands under her winter wear, she noticed that Carm's nipples were hard from the cold. Maybe it was not just from the weather.

"Aren't you freezing?" she asked.

"No. Are you?"

"Nice and warm," answered Rose, pushing Carmen onto the cot and climbing on top of her, warily listening to the creaking wooden legs of the cot not designed to hold two people. She chuckled when she thought of what would happen if they broke the thing. She wedged her hand between the two of them and opened Carmen's pants.

"Very warm in here," laughed Rose as Carmen gasped and pushed into Rose's hand, rotating her hips with each sensation. They pushed their T-shirts up, so they could make love chest to chest with their coats draped around their backs.

Shep, of course, nuzzled them which caused a lot of giggling. Tater jumped on Rose's ass. Rose burst out with a guffaw. They laughed into the wetness of each other's mouth. Carmen coughed as Rose pushed the big feline off her with a back-handed motion.

She continued to play inside of Carmen's mouth with her tongue and fell asleep on top of her within a few minutes, exhausted from a very involved day.

A new storm raged outside. Carmen ever so carefully rolled the sleeping Rose off her and onto the cot. She got up, covering her sweet love with a heavy, green Army blanket.

As she tried to straighten up from bending over, she felt a sharp pain travel from her foot to her hip and around to the small of her back. She stumbled towards the stove a bit but caught herself before she touched the red-hot surface. She couldn't straighten her back in order to stand upright and kept moving her legs unsteadily.

She opened the stove door and tried to pick up several small logs to feed the fire with but had to drop them, sitting down suddenly on the floor with another shooting pain. She groaned and put her face in her hands. Her whole body ached. She tried to get up, but her legs could not hold her weight. Shepard came over to her, licked her face and whimpered. She tried to stroke the dog but could not raise her arm. When she tried to pet him again pain shot through her shoulder like a red-hot bullet. She cried out.

Oh, my God! she said to herself, leaning over and putting her forehead on her knees. She didn't want to wake Rose, but she knew she needed an ambulance. I mean, shit, I am sixty years old. I could be dying! she thought with alarm, trying to reach her phone which was in the wrong pocket for this type of situation.

She got the cell out of her dangling coat pocket with a couple of fingers. It slipped out of her hand and onto the floor. She could barely reach it with an index finger but managed to speed dial 911. She still couldn't pick the phone up, but she could hear Emergency on the line. They could also hear her own voice give her name and address and ask for an ambulance. She told them she didn't know what was wrong with her, but to hurry.

Carmen groaned when she thought of waking Rose. She just couldn't do it. Another emergency? Carmen had a huge streak of independence and generally liked to deal with anything medical without telling Rose until she had to. She thought it was from being raised by two alcoholic parents who left her to take care of herself even when she was sick.

She thought, Abundance blocks. You have twenty-four abundance blocks. Everyone has them. It's how you deal with those that makes for genius or failure. Strength or weakness... Carmen raised herself onto her elbows. Holding her breath to stop the pain, she started to crawl towards the barn door. She still refused to alert Rose as her love breathed silently unaware, still asleep.

Every movement caused Carmen to catch her breath, but she made it! Just then she heard sirens wailing close by, getting closer until they stopped with a crunch on the ice outside the barn. The Emergency Medical Techs burst into the barn with a mobile stretcher. Rose awoke and jumped up in alarm from the cot, knocking it over on its side - her hair all over her face. She brushed her hand uselessly at the mess so she could see.

She ran quickly up to the EMTs, pulling her parka around her and buttoning her jeans, her hair still askew.

"What is wrong?!" she shouted anxiously. "Carmen is my legal partner!" (She still balked at coming out publicly - but that did not mean she wanted to be treated like a stranger.)

Carmen rolled her eyes towards Rose's face, then looked at the EMTs (one of whom was huge and looked like a body-builder at over six feet) and said, "She's my wife. We're co-wives." She felt like she was dying - but she would die on her own terms, with her own voice. Even in the face of death, Carmen would stand for gay rights if she could. Rose bit her lip and looked at the floor, embarrassed.

One of the stretcher-bearers huffed a laugh. Carmen cried out as she raised her arm and tried to shake her fist at the guy's back. The other EMT put his over-sized hand on her shoulder and said in a deep, warm voice, "Don't worry about that guy. He's new - hasn't learned to respect folks quite yet. He's not..."

Rose interrupted him and asked urgently, "What's wrong with Carmen? I need to know."

Carmen looked at her lover and said, "I think I have kidney failure. I can't walk and the pain is terrible right around there."

The big EMT said, "I've seen kidney failure, you don't look like that, especially since you've told us you have no prior history. We'll check it out on the way to the hospital, but I don't think that's what's wrong."

Carmen pleaded with him, "I need an anesthetic. I am in agony."

"Okay," answered the big technician, negotiating some of the snow drifts smoothly, his balance perfect. He was obviously using his powerful muscles in a highly skilled way. He was definitely a seasoned caretaker. Carmen appreciated his strength and compassion.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked.

Rose hurried next to the stretcher, leaning in and trying to hear.

"My back and sides - like around my kidneys. That's why I thought..."

"We'll get the doctor to look at you. Just lay back. I can give you a pain-killer after we check your vitals in the truck."

The big guy paused as the guy leading at Carmen's feet stopped as he reached the ambulance. The mammoth medic looked at Rose kindly and asked, "You okay? You going to ride with her?"

Rose said, "Yes," loudly.

The EMT at Carmen's feet opened the truck's doors. They loaded Carmen in, and the biggest guy Rose had ever seen lifted Carmen up like she was a fallen leaf and set her down gently inside the ambulance. Rose clambered into the van with her.

The rude EMT looked away from his patient and cleared his throat as soon as Carmen and Rose were safely inside the ambulance. He turned away from them abruptly and rushed to the front of the vehicle, getting in the driver's seat, his back to the two women. He never turned to look at Rose or Carmen throughout the entire ride to the hospital.

The jolly giant rode in the back with them, making sure Carmen was properly sedated and out of pain.

***

BILLY AND ALFONSO STOOD in shock in the open doorway of the house as the ambulance screeched past them.

Billy exclaimed, "Oh, my God!"

"Must be Carmen's stomach ulcer again," answered Alfie. "I'll go inside and call the hospital."

Billy grabbed Alfie's hand and said, "I'll go with you."

The two men waited a tense twenty minutes, then Alfie dialed the hospital closest to Piney Knoll and asked about Carmen La Pierre. The receptionist answered that she was not there.

Billy, alarmed and frustrated, said, "Oh shit, we'll call back later. She left about twenty minutes ago in the ambulance. We must have called early."

The hospital was sympathetic, and the boys hung up.

Billy said, "Come on Alfie, let's drive over. There is only one hospital that serves this area. She will have to arrive there eventually."

"What if they won't let us in? Or give us any information about Carmen's condition?" asked Alfonso apprehensively.

"They will. I'm her cousin and roommate. Some of the hospital staff know me. They'll let us in."

"Okay, honey. Let's go!"

The two men ran to their pickup and stormed out onto the highway. They were soon followed by a PKPD patrol car, lights flashing and siren blasting. Billy swore and swerved over to the shoulder, preparing to stop.

Surprisingly, the cops sped ahead of Billy and Alf. Billy gave a shout when he saw Lt. Jones wave at him from behind the wheel and beckon him to follow her.

He quickly pulled off the shoulder and onto the highway with a roar of his F-350. He followed Jones in a high-speed chase to Nash General. Alfie yelped at the acceleration and exclaimed, "Shit, Billy - we're going over 100!"

"The cops are in the lead. They have a radio, baby. They know where we're going. We're legal! It's the Chief!" Billy laughed and pressed harder on the accelerator. Alfie fumbled in the glove compartment and took out their pipe and a small amount of weed.

Billy looked at his partner in alarm, saying, "Aw, Alfie! Not cool! This does not make that legal!"

"You know Rita won't do shit to us, Billy. I'm nervous. Serious illness and hospitals give me the jitters. What if she dies? People die younger than sixty something!"

Billy responded calmly, "She won't die. Okay, smoke your weed. I can't do that right now. I have to be sober." He thought and added, "Open the window, honey."

Jones guided her patrol car into the Emergency dock at Nash. Bill and Alf slid in behind her. They parked and entered the hospital together.

***

CARMEN GROANED AGAIN behind the drapery of the hospital enclosure, hoping for a stronger anesthetic and accepting death peacefully with Rose's hand on hers.

Rose started talking but Carmen was barely conscious, so she only heard about every third word. She pressured Rose's hand to stop.

Rose asked, "What, honey? What is it? Are you still in pain?"

Carmen nodded.

***

BILLY, ALFONSO AND Rita Jones confronted the ER receptionist and asked anxiously about Carmen. The woman at the desk shrank when she saw the grim face of Lt. Jones.

"We do have a patient here by the name of Carmen La Pierre," she affirmed. "She just came in with her sister. She is in with the ER personnel right now. You can all wait in the hospital lobby and register with the desk there."

Both Billy and Alf said together, "We'll go to the examination room. Thank you. I'm her cousin..."

Looking at Lieutenant Jones in her full uniform, the receptionist said, "Go ahead," meekly.

***

ROSE LOOKED UP FROM Carmen's now unconscious form with a tear-stained face when their three friends walked in.

"What's up? Find out what's wrong with her?" asked Lt. Jones, directing her question at the ER nurse.

"Not yet," the nurse answered, clearly not pleased with the crowded ER enclosure. "I think all of you need to wait for the doctor's opinion in the lobby, okay?"

"Of course," answered the lieutenant.

The three of them walked out. Billy turned and gave Rose a little wave. She said, "I'll meet up with you later." She was determined to stay at Carmen's side as long as possible.

Another nurse walked in. Orderlies wheeled Carmen to an examination room. Carmen managed to whisper, "Anesthetic please." There she was, dying, but always giving respect, not demanding, but clear about her own care. Carmen's nerves were centered. She was deep inside herself. She whispered again, "Pain...I'm in a lot of pain..."

"Okay. Okay," answered the nurse, touching her arm. "Where does it hurt?" she asked.

Carmen grimaced. Rose answered for her, "She said it hurts around her kidneys. She thinks she has kidney failure. Oh, my God! Will she live?!"

The nurse looked at Rose in surprise and said, "I don't think she's dying. Her vitals are good. We need to send her for a scan. By the way, are you her sister? You need to wait in the lobby, too. Register with the receptionist."

Rose nodded yes as the nurse injected Carmen with a painkiller and they wheeled her out of the examination room to Imaging. Rose followed the signs to the lobby, thinking she would rather be Carmen's sister right now than her wife or lover. Not really, but there was an aggressive closet biting her in the ass.

She sat down on a comfortable couch and glanced idly at the TV. She took a deep breath relieved to think that only Carmen thought she was dying - the medical staff did not. She closed her eyes. It was close to midnight. Christmas carols still played on some late-night television program - worried tears leaked down her flushed face.

The woman at the lobby desk had told her that Billy, Alfonso and Lt. Jones had gone home and left a message for her to call them if she needed anything. They knew she would need a ride home.

Lt. Jones had Christmas detail and had to leave. The boys needed sleep. They would all be expecting her call. Rita Jones had volunteered to carry Carmen and Rose home in a police vehicle whenever Carmen was released. If Rose had to leave before Carmen came home, Billy would pick her up. It was past midnight on the longest Christmas day ever.

Happy New Year, Rose thought ironically as she shivered, thinking about the holiday ... the longest day of the year. This was not what Rose expected for Christmas. Her mother seemed almost the best part of the day right now. She was so tired. Her eyes would not stay open and she fell into an exhausted sleep in the lobby chair.

Around four am, Rose felt a hand on her shoulder shaking her. She dreamed that Carmen was whispering in her ear, "Rosie, Rosie! I'm okay. I'll live! Wake up! Wake up!"

Rose opened her eyes not seeing anyone. She stretched and yawned. She looked at the clock in shock. She felt a pressure on her arm and looked at Carmen smiling and pale, sitting next to her in a wheelchair.

"Oh, Je-sus! Carmen! What happened! My Holy Goddess in Heaven! Are you paralyzed?!"

Rose jumped out of her chair unsteadily, still a bit dizzy from sleep. She bent over and peered into Carmen's face, touching her lips, shoulders - everywhere, like she was examining her to see if something was broken. Carmen giggled quietly and kissed Rose on the nose.

"Stop!" said Carmen. "It wasn't my kidneys. It was my Sciatica nerve. I have bone spurs on my hips - Osteoarthritis. It can cripple me, but I won't die from it. I have some pain pills."

"Shit," said Rose, smiling in relief and thinking that they both thought that Carmen was dying from arthritis! Carmen looked happy to have arthritis instead of a casket.

Rose took out her cell and called Rita. She explained that Carmen was in a wheelchair.

"No problem, honey. I'll bring the van. It has a ramp," answered Lt. Jones. "I'm on my way. Give me fifteen minutes."

"Thank you," responded Rose, sitting down suddenly in an easy chair, resting her head on Carmen's shoulder. The combination of her face on Carmen and the relief that she was all right made her fall in and out of sleep. Carmen reached out and smoothed Rosie's hair, saying, "Poor you... tired, baby?"

"Mmm ..." answered Rose, still fighting slumber. "Rita will be here soon. Watch the door Carmen, okay?"

"Okay," said Carmen. "I'll wake you up when she gets here."

She would have to. Rose was down for the count. She fell asleep, her head still resting on Carmen. That was the best ten minutes of the day. Relief flooded Rose's heart.

Jones took the two women home, strapping Carmen into the van's wheelchair rig. Rose sank into the front seat only half awake. Jones turned the radio on and woke Rose up to get more information about Carmen's medical condition - whatever had sent her to the hospital.

When Billy and Alf helped Jones get Carmen out of the van, Carmen reached out and stopped them for a moment. She looked up at the early morning sky and turned her head to the millions of lights still visible above her in a dawning pastel blue sky, taking a deep breath. Rose came over and kissed her.

It was good to be alive!

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# 5| You & A Million Spanish Guitars

***

Love is quick. It almost passes by unnoticed. It includes all living things, even trees and plants. In the blink of an eye, you are overcome by gratitude for an existence other than your own. You can pledge a lifetime or an infinite amount of companionship. To say friendship isn't love is not the truth. Love at first sight is a seed - if your judgment proves true. There is more. There is the time it takes to make that love grow.

That first instant of loving stays there from the very first electrifying moment you meet, untarnished by time, motion, change, growth, thought. It's that initial time when you first notice your emotions that love takes root. That deep moment buries itself inside your karma.

Carmen was sixty. This little plant called love had grown from a chance meeting in a convenience store into the best part of their lives.

That's what Rose was to Carmen.

Billy and Alfonso were gaping at the wan and weak-looking Carmen that was wheeled past them into the living room.

"Carmen! What happened to you?" asked a shocked Billy looking in horror at the wheelchair.

"Unwanted Christmas gift," said Carmen too quietly to be heard.

Alfie chimed in with, "Oh, God! Will you ever walk again?"

Billy glared at him and said, "We'll rehabilitate her. I'll teach her how to walk myself! She's my blood! That's a forever!"

Tears ran down Carmen's cheeks as Rose put a thick blue afghan over her legs. Carmen's arms hurt too much to wipe the tears away. Rose noticed and swiped her hand over Carmen's face.

She looked up at Billy and said softly, "She has bone spurs. It is a kind of arthritis."

Alfie said, "Arthritis?! She had to go to the hospital for that?!"

Rose answered, kind of pissed-off and too tired to be patient with him, "Yeah. It hurts. It hurts like a broken leg! She didn't know what was wrong with her. She can't even sit or lay down without pain pills." She looked at her two roommates and said, "Go get some bedding. Carmen has to stay down here until we get a chair lift for the staircase. There is no telling how long she will have to use a wheelchair."

Billy said, "Sure. I can lift her too. That's no problem for me."

Rose replied, "It might hurt her too much to move her up the stairs."

Carmen answered, "Yeah, just leave me down here."

They lay Carmen down on the pull-out couch after making it up with fresh bedding. She fell asleep immediately. Rose put a quick kiss on Carmen's pale cheek and lay on the facing couch, pulling a blanket over herself. She watched Carmen sleep until she herself fell into slumber.

By six that morning, the Christmas "holiday" was officially over. It could have been a year ago. The entire house was completely silent, deep in slumber. The day after Christmas was only celebrated with the outside lights still blinking on and off and the leftover Christmas decorations in the living room. Tater and Shep found new comfort zones near Carmen and on top of Rose (in terms of Tater).

The quiet after yesterday's insanities deepened in their ears to something each of them drew towards themselves out of necessity. They needed the silence. Daylight would reveal a different kind of life for the four friends. It would be a world where each of them would have to rearrange their work and free time in order to help Carmen cope with her situation and lack of mobility.

Rose could work mostly at home, so it would not be terribly difficult to find the time and space to be there for her lover. She was an on-call consulting botanist for the local Forest Service and it was winter - so there was more to do with Green Goddess Interiors than her other job.

Billy and Alfonso were wranglers at the Wickham ranch but were able to juggle their hours so that one of them was home in the morning to help lift Carmen into her chair and in the afternoons and evenings to do more lifting.

***

CARMEN HATED THE WHEELCHAIR but the first day was all pain pills and her roomies lifting and wheeling her around. Her personal choices were not practical at this point.

Because of her previous problems with the stomach ulcer, she had a cabinet filled with alternative medicines and herbs. The pain pills she got at the hospital were not working well anymore. Despite that, Carmen tried successfully to maneuver the wheelchair herself with some painful jabs to her shoulders. She felt will was an important element to her recovery. She was sure this would prove true; so, when no one was looking she would try and stand or move on her own. Mostly, this did not work, and the ferocious pain would force her to quit trying.

At first, she could barely shift her position without stifling a scream. With this form of arthritis, it was bone-on-bone with no cartilage softening the movement. That is what bone spurs do.

Rose heard her making some noise and rushed into the living room watching Carmen try to stand with apprehension. Carm bent over immediately with a gasp and put the palms of her hands flat on the floor in a kind of straight-legged spider crawl - which she could accomplish without much pain. But she couldn't straighten up by herself or without a rocketing lightening strike up her side. Rose looked on in horror and rushed over to her.

"Shit! Carmen! What the hell?!"

"H...e...l...p..." whispered Carmen weakly, still bent over. "I can't straighten up."

Rose pulled the wheelchair over, locked it in place and got on the floor with Carmen. She grabbed her so Carmen could pull herself up a little on Rose's back and shoulders. The wheelchair had no arm rests, so Carmen was able to shuffle on her knees over to the chair, holding onto Rose. She managed to slide onto the seat with a few clumsy movements.

She had a few painful moments but when she finally sat down on her own, she smiled into the daylight, too blinded by the effort to even see where Rose was.

Rose stood up next to her, bent over and hugged Carmen to herself, saying, "Besides scaring the lights off the Christmas tree, pretty good for the first day, honey." She released her and looked closely at the color coming up in Carmen's cheeks again.

"I think you can use an anti-inflammatory I found. Ibuprofen will not interfere with it. It is a blood thinner, but you don't have any blood pressure problems when you eat vegan. And, I know you'll want to be eating that way right now."

Carmen nodded. "Let me try it, Rose. Is it some herb or plant, a vegetable? A tea?"

"Close. I have an organic powder made from the inner bark of the white willow. I prefer to make it in a crushed ice soy smoothie with some monk fruit crystals for a sweetener."

Carmen was anxious to try it, so she wheeled her over by Shepard so she could see the TV while she waited for Rose to make the drink. Carmen's eyes sparkled when she asked Rose to put their old Basket Case horror movie on. This was the original black and white version from the 50's and featured a bodyless head with arms and claws living in a large woven basket. The living head had sharp fangs and ... you get the rest.

But this head couldn't do much in terms of leaving its basket except to crawl or grab something with its abnormally strong arms. The head's frustration level was abnormal too. But understandable.

The whole thing made Carmen laugh. She needed to see this. She needed to laugh right now. Rose came back and handed her a cold white willow smoothie. She had made something different for herself. They sipped their drinks and giggled throughout the entire gruesome movie.

Carm yelled in triumph when the bodyless head finally killed a tormentor with its fangs and claws in a disgustingly bloody display of internal organ splatter. She finished her smoothie and fell asleep in her chair, exhausted from the day before. Rose got up and put a pillow behind Carmen's back. The boys would shift her to the couch later. Until then, she could get some work done in the dining room which had a clear view of Carmen's slumped form sleeping peacefully in the sun.

***

BILLY, ALFONSO AND Rose played nurse to Carmen for about a week. The chair lift was installed - but then a miracle happened - Carmen got up and walked! She easily walked over to the new lift contraption and sat down on it.

"I want to see how this thingamajig works. How do you turn it on?"

"Here," said Rose - showing her the on-off switch. "Wow! You okay there?" she commented in surprise at Carmen's sudden agility.

Carmen looked up at Rose as if she had seen an angel with its hand outstretched to comfort her. She smiled, feeling a bit angelic herself, and said, "No pain at all walking, sitting or laying down."

Rose answered, "When it works, it really does a nice job. White willow smoothies twice a day will take that bone spur pain away..."

"Tastes fine too ... Hey! Race you..." Carmen said as she sailed past Rose up the stairs in her new lift.

***

"YOU JUST disappeared! After we had that wonderful dinner and you dropped the gay bomb on me, you dropped off the edge of the planet! Rose! I thought we were getting so much closer!"

Rose responded to her mother in a tired voice, "You call my coming out to you a gay bomb?!"

Little seemed to have changed. Rose poked herself mentally until it hurt, and she started to cry. She just couldn't help herself.

Fuck me for calling her, she thought. She just added my gayness to her intrusiveness list: 1. Carmen; 2. Holly; 3. My home; 4. My business; 5. My roomies, and so on until you get to My Lesbianism.

Rose put the cell down while her mother continued to rant. She stared at the phone like it was Sylvia Plath's oven. She couldn't do that here - their oven was electric. It would burn her face and singe her hair - not kill her.

Her next thought was of Carmen. That pulled her right out of herself. No weird thinking in the fog of the moment there. Carmen needed her. And girl, did she need Carmen! Right now, as a matter of fact.

She had to look around the house to find her - upstairs, the basement.

Oh, God! She thought in panic when she could not find her anywhere. She's outside!

Rose called Shep. The dog was nowhere to be seen. She ran outside and looked around the front and back areas. When she didn't see her, she knew right away that Carmen was in the stables.

She hoped she wasn't saddling up.

Her heart beat faster. Her eyes blinked away tears. She picked up some speed, stumbling over a few melting shards of ice - ignoring the mud splatter. Her Nikes were soaking wet and making squishy noises. She had been too worried about Carm to remember to put her muck boots on.

She looked up in discomfort and noticed smoke coming from the barn roof. Ah, ha! The mud sucked at her feet like a hungry beast determined to devour her socks. She might as well let it. She didn't want what used to be her dirty muck-soaked socks anymore anyway.

She reached the door and pushed her way in, gratefully spying an upright Carmen carefully grooming Maizie.

"Go Fish!" shouted Rose as Carmen turned to see what was causing the door to bang. Rose grinned. She saw immediately that Carm was just fine. Shep barked and trotted over to Rose, nuzzling her hand and wagging his tail enthusiastically like an electric fan on a hot day, the fat curling around his ass in cute tan waves.

"Um..." replied Carmen, grinning back at her. "I got bored. You were busy with all the Green Goddess paperwork. This needed to be done - and I felt pretty good. You know, I needed an excuse to get out. I was getting cabin fever. If there is a cure, this is the one for me."

Rose's eyes grew big with relief and compassion. She walked over to Carmen and embraced her, laying her head on Carmen's chest - finding comfort in the pulsating thump of her heart, the faint scent of winter on her coat. Each subtle thud of that organ seemed to project love and peace into Rose's formerly alarmed state of mind.

Carmen squeezed her and read her mind. She spoke quietly into Rose's ear, "Don't worry too much. I'll always take Shep and my cell."

Rose shook her head - still pressed to Carmen's chest. She looked up at her, "That's not enough. Text me and tell me when you go out and where you are going. Don't just take off." She noted Carm's disagreement and continued, "I worry, baby..."

Carmen's hands wiggled under Rose's arms, tickling her. Rose laughed, collapsing backwards and just catching herself before she landed on the straw littered floor of the stables.

"Carmen!" she exclaimed. "I'm serious! What would happen if you fell and couldn't call me?!"

"Shep would come and get you, Billy or Alfonso."

"Come on, Carmen! Be real! At least tell me where you are!"

"Okay ... Okay ..." Carmen responded as she let go of Rose and put her grooming brush down. She gave Maizie her vitamin mix, and taking Rosie's hand, led her to the soft, tattered armchairs in front of the wood stove. Carmen put water on and sat down. Shep curled up in front of the mild fire and stuck his head under the cast iron bottom of the stove.

It was funny because Carmen worried when she first saw him do that, that her dog would burn his head - but he never did. He loved that position under the stove and its subtle warmth. Carmen thought the warmth reminded dogs of their mothers.

Carmen closed her eyes and spoke, "Cold snap's almost over. This snow and ice are toast."

Rose laughed with a snort, "I feel like getting a flame thrower and burning some of that ice into oblivion. I'm still worried that you could slip or fall if your arthritis decides to do the Monster Mash."

"Oh," answered Carmen. "It's the pain that makes me stumble. I haven't felt any since I started taking white willow. That herb is amazing for inflammation. I just couldn't stay inside anymore, had to get some fresh air."

Rose's eyebrows went up. "Really?!" she replied in astonishment. She recalled how her baby was crawling on the floor unable to get up. "No way!" she exclaimed. "You don't feel anything? Nothing at all?! I don't believe it!"

Carmen put a log in the fire, shut the door of the cast iron stove and sat down on the floor next to Shepard, putting her arm around him. Her eyes sparkled as they locked with Rose's. Rose laughed into her gaze.

"Believe it, Rose. Sometimes my shoulder hurts a little, but I stretch, and I regain flexibility."

"'K-a-y..." answered Rose tentatively.

"Really. I got up off the floor on the second day. You know that."

"That's true."

"So, honey, don't worry about me. You'd know if I had a bad day."

Rose joined Carmen on the bare, old rug that lay on a rubber pad set back a little from the stove. She also added a log to the stove. Leaning over, she kissed Carmen on the top of her head and caressed her shoulder through her heavy wool coat. "Okay baby," she said, sitting down next to her, pulling her closer with an arm around her waist.

Shep moved closer to Rose and fell asleep with his smooth head on her leg as the golden red flames of the wood stove pumped out an aura of soothing warmth.

They stayed like that, hugging each other, dozing, for a long while, maybe an hour. Shep was the first to get up. He put his feet out, his head down, his ass in the air and groaned as he stretched forward on his legs. With a large yawn and a whine, the shiny tan dog stood up and shook himself.

"He wants to eat," said Carmen, her eyes half-closed, leaning into Rose's knees. The old threadbare rug was clean and soft. The crackling pine in the stove exploded occasionally as pockets of sap hit the flames. Neither one of them wanted to move.

Shep had walked to the front of the barn and was sitting in front of the door, politely whining from time to time.

"Yeah. Time to get his dinner," Carmen repeated.

Rose put her hands in Carmen's hair. Carmen closed her eyes. Rose surrounded her with her arms and whispered, "Ok, pumpkin..." in her ear.

A cedar log cracked loudly, exuding a piney scent and sending off more heat. Rose stretched her arms, then kissed Carmen quickly. She stood up. Maizie and Holly looked at her, stamped their hooves and snorted.

"I'll get him," she said and slouched over to Shep, taking him outside into the melting slush. She looked ruefully at her dry sneakers which now showed streaks of wet starting to snake up the sides. The bottoms of her jeans got soaked quickly as she followed the dog up to the house. Her muddy pants slapped at her ankles as she jogged down the rutted path from the barn.

She let the dog in, stripped at the door, left her wet clothes in a pile on the tiles. She toweled Shepard and her cold, wet feet. Running upstairs, she grabbed a flannel shirt and a clean pair of jeans. After feeding Shep some leftover squash stew, she sighed - suddenly tired - found a blanket in the living room and curled up there with her phone...

***

BILLY WALKED IN. HE asked, looking at Rose, "Where's Carmen?"

"Oh shit, Bill. She's out in the barn. I just brought the dog in to feed him."

"What?! You're going to let her walk back by herself? Are you crazy? She'll hurt herself!"

Rose's eyes lit up like fire. She said, "She has her phone. She insisted that she was all right."

"No way! All the times we found her on the floor?! I don't think so! I'll be right back ..."

Bill left and slammed out the back door.

Rose groaned, got up and poured kibble into Shepard's dry food bowl. She peeked out the back of the kitchen and saw Billy carrying Carmen towards the house.

The cell vibrated in her pocket as he opened the door with Carm in his arms. Rose hurried over to them and held the door open, letting her call go to voicemail.

She trailed them into the living room as Bill set Carmen down on the couch and covered her with an afghan. He kissed her head and smoothed her hair, saying, "Okay, cuz?"

Carmen closed her eyes and smiled. She said, "Thanks for the ride." She opened her eyes and raised her head to see Rose who was curled up at her feet at the bottom of the couch.

"He forced me," Carmen said to her with a laugh.

Rose shook her head and pulled the afghan tighter. "You said ..." she tried.

Carmen repeated, "He forced me. I told him I was fine. I can walk it. I have my phone if I fall through a sink hole. Bill wouldn't listen. So, what-the-heck, Rose, I got a free ride." Carmen smiled. She continued, "Nice strong guy, too." She smiled more as she stroked Rose with her toes.

Billy got himself a sandwich and left the house. He said, "Going back to work. Just came home to check on Carmen." He turned and looked at Carm and said, "Don't do that again." When Carmen didn't answer, he said, more insistently, "Promise?"

Carmen pouted and responded, "No. I can walk."

"You see?" answered Rose.

"Ah, jeez ..." said Billy shrugging, defeated. "Better stay upright then," he said, walking outside, shaking his head.

Finally, they were alone.

***

CARMEN MOVED OVER AND Rose slid next to her covering both of them with the same blanket. She reached out, snaking her arm over Carmen's waist, playing with the fastener on her pants.

"Mmm ... Now that I can ..." she said, feeling the pressure of Rose's soft body.

"... move," completed Rose with a short laugh as Carmen worked her pants down, now that they were open.

"Yeah, there's more things we can do now. A little catching up."

"That barn floor is just not the best."

"No. This is much better," answered Rose, touching inside Carmen's thighs, both of them rolling together, opening their legs and moving slowly into each other. Their clothes were pushed to the side, falling over the plush cushions of the couch.

Rose's phone rang muffled underneath their discarded jeans.

It was getting naked and cold and both of them said, "Fuck..." uselessly, starting to feel the cold inside the heat of their passion.

Rose asked, "Why does she know where we live?"

Carmen answered, "You told her. Don't answer it..."

"Oh, God, it's my fault," said Rose as she rummaged through the clothing on the floor, flipping her panties across the room hunting for her cell.

Carmen sat up, wrapping herself in the afghan. She grinned at the scene. Rose naked, sitting on her feet, throwing clothes around, bent over, her bare ass in the air, digging for a call obviously from her mother.

***

IT WAS. BRITTANY'S number and Holly's face were clearly displayed on Rose's phone. It always angered Carmen that Brittany used her daughter's horse for her phone icon. Rose swore and grabbed the other afghan, snuggling into it as if hiding her nudity from her mother's call.

"Gotta deal with this," she said quietly.

"And the shit goes on..." answered Carmen putting her chin on her knees.

Rose answered, knowing that her mother would just keep calling back if she didn't. Rose felt Britt needed to apologize - not that she would. Like ever. For anything.

"Hi, mom," said Rose, with a deep sonorous, belabored sigh.

There was a small laugh on the other end of the phone. It was Sarah Atchison. She said, "Uh, it's me, Rose. Brittany wanted me to talk to you."

Rose reacted apprehensively. She thought, My mother never gives her phone to anyone! She thinks they're lucky to even get her number!

She said, "What's wrong?! Is mom all right? Is she hurt? Was she in an accident?" Rose not-hypocritically putting her hand in her mouth, elbows still resting on her raised knees. She didn't want to hear the answer.

She wanted Brittany and she didn't. After celebrating Christmas night in the hospital with Carmen, you know...she swore she wouldn't sit in the hospital for her mother. But she wanted a mother her way. She still held onto her and hoped for something better than she usually got, which was a bundle of distrust.

Carmen listened and felt Rose's conflicted emotions like an unexpected touch on a live wire. It was hot. She tried not to tense along with Rose's changing moodiness.

Sarah said, immediately, "No! No. Nothing like that! Britt is not hurt."

"What is it, then, Sarah?"

Carmen whispered "Sarah? She's on your mother's phone? That's your mother's number isn't it?" She knew it was, she had seen it. No wonder Rose was so upset, this never happened, thought Carmen with a slight sense of wonder...no...raw curiosity. Rose chuckled at her reaction.

She shook her head at Carmen and whispered back, "Not now.... Yeah, it's her phone. SSsshh..."

"Her phone?" said Carmen into the air.

Rose did not answer. She just shook her head, making hand signals at Carmen to stop.

Sarah continued, "Oh, I'm just calling for Brittany. She really feels bad about your conversation. She keeps saying she didn't mean it the way it sounded. The 'gay bomb' thing. She's been finishing every meal including breakfast with a half-dozen hot toddies, heavy on the Beam, light on the cream. Nothing left of the whiskey. She wants me to go out for more. I'm trying to get around that."

Sarah lowered her voice, "She's flat out now after lunch. I took her phone to call you. She doesn't know I have it. If it's okay, I'll program your number into my own phone. I lied when I said she wanted me to call you. I just want to let you know that I know what goes on around here and I'm on your side."

Rose answered, "That's fine. Keep my number. Call whenever you need to. I'm sure my mother will call back when she's sober. She doesn't need to apologize." She never needed to before, thought Rose, cynically, wondering at the care and empathy in Sarah's voice. She was only an employee, but maybe her mother had just hired herself a diamond of a P.A.

She knew her mother. She wasn't worried. After a comfortable, drunken spate of self-pity, Brittany would be out and about again. Rose, then, expected about another twelve hours of blessed hung-over silence.

"Okay," said Sarah. "Thank you. I'll be in touch." She clicked off.

"What's up?" asked Carmen, pushing herself upright.

"Just what you heard. Sorry, I'll have to fill you in."

"Yeah. Someone named Sarah was on your mother's phone," said Carmen.

"You met her carting Holly from Brittany's on Christmas."

"Oh, shit, yeah. Your mother's new Personal Assistant. Pretty little thing."

Rose grinned a little and replied, "Nice, too."

"Hope your mother doesn't put her in therapy."

"Don't hold your breath."

"So, what was so important?"

Rose told Carmen about the 'gay bomb' phone call.

"This shit never ends."

"That's why Sarah called. She sort of apologized for Britt."

"Is that part of her job?"

"Britt didn't know about Sarah using her phone. She didn't have my personal number."

"Isn't this a bit past her assigned duties?"

"Not necessarily."

"Hmm?"

"Depends on what..."

"...your mother wants."

"Her ego seems to be indomitable, regardless of the issue," said Rose. "Sarah is so much easier to talk to than her. Even her voice is softer. She can talk to me anytime, be my substitute mother. She reminds me of my best nanny. Bet my mother pushes her relationship with me off on her. You'll see. She does it all the time. She has a history. Sometimes I don't mind it, like now. Sarah is a perfect intermediary. It might be a relief to like someone that speaks for my mother better than my mother."

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# 6| Gratitude

***

Rose and Carmen's plans for New Year's Eve were safe and subtle. The evening started with Billy, Alfonso, Carmen, Rose, Longoria and Margarita with an enormous bottle of Dom Perignon, vegetable and fish sushi rolls, and ... most of all, no plans to see Brittany.

Carmen and Rose had reservations for a quiet dinner for two at a local Thai restaurant and cafe. There were even more intimate plans for midnight. Maybe some private, very private, fireworks in the bedroom.

The weather was sweet, and a hint of warmth was in the air. The sky a fresh, clear polished obsidian with a far-flung display of crystal lights. The moon was an omniscient presence brushing the tops of the hills. In all, the weather was pretty mild.

The celebration for Rose and Carmen was a thanksgiving for Carmen's quick recovery and miraculous mobility. She and Rose made her herbal smoothies with a seriousness usually reserved for doctor's orders. The reward felt like a flowering of their practical commitments to each other. A reminder not to take the health and functioning of their bodies for granted. Carmen was back to her old, robust self. A great way to start a new year.

***

NEW YEAR'S EVE STARTED slowly. The night was luscious and romantic. Rita was amazed at Carmen's flexibility after the confinement of the wheelchair. Longoria knew about white willow and commented that Carmen was lucky she didn't have high blood pressure. She said she was raised on herbal medicines and repeated the fact that white willow was a blood thinner - which is really good for some people - and deadly for others. She gave Carmen a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

"So how is Brittany?" Longoria had to ask. She smiled at Rose. Of all nights to bring that up. Even Rita looked up with a frown.

The peaceful purple haze surrounding Carmen's recovery burst like a soap bubble - splattering around her happiness like a stark cold slap in the face.

Longoria looked alarmed at her reaction and was visibly shaken. She said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you two had resolved all that."

Rose interjected, "Not everything ... She still has the biggest ego this side of the Blue Ridge."

Longoria responded by poking Rose's shoulder. She said, "Don't get strung out about it. There's always more to a person than even their children could know. Give it a chance. I'm sure she has changed. Give it time."

Rose couldn't answer. She took Carmen's hand. She thought Longoria was close. She hoped she was right.

Carmen snorted, saying, "We're not thinking of a bright future in terms of the 'more to come' thing. We'll see. One good omen though ... Sarah Atchison."

Rita leaned forward in her chair, more interested in this than chit-chat about Brittany. She asked, "Mmm...someone new?"

Carmen answered, "Brittany lucked into a jewel of a P.A. She's very talkable and rational."

"Hope it helps,"

"She already has," stated Rose, calling a taxi - ready to leave this conversation in mid-air and the distant past. She wanted a new life with the New Year.

Margarita and Longoria were having dinner and partying with Bill and Alfie at the house. Everyone understood Rose and Carmen's need for an intimate dinner alone after the shock of illness had passed.

Rose saw the yellow of the Piney Knoll cab outside.

Both Rose and Carmen were silent, neither of them wanting to fill Rita or Longoria in on their thoughts right now. Both of them felt like they were running from Brittany - who wasn't even there. Carmen and Rose didn't want to think about Britt, let alone talk about her. They all hugged each other and wished one another happiness in the new year.

They forgot everything except each other as the succulent evening embraced them on their short walk to the waiting vehicle. The chill of the North Carolina winter evening felt good in their bones. Not too cold - clear weather - a grateful sigh after too harsh a storm, raining ice and the ubiquitous muck. Not that the mud had dried completely.

Both women wore heavy sweaters, embroidered Western shirts and skinny jeans.

When did skinny yeans ever feel so divine? thought Carmen, enjoying her new flexibility during the trip to town. Something reminded her of Rose's shiny blue hair when they met. One of those things you cannot account for. No reason to think of it. It had been ten years. Ten incredibly happy, fulfilling years.

Rose was now all natural, vegan and a college-educated Botanist. She had wanted a medical degree but changed her mind after her first year at UNC. Things did change in unexpected ways during her years with Carmen. Who would have thought she would become a vegetarian?

Or Carmen? With two alcoholic parents, a rough beginning in life and habits she had to break.

Carmen noticed Rose glancing at her and her half-closed eyes and musing look. She knew she had to try and stay healthy. For Rose and for herself. Try and succeed. That was life. Rose was life. She was every reason Carmen needed to survive and survive well.

If she tripped, she knew Rose would try and catch her - as small as she was. But she wasn't about to trip and could fall as gently as possible on her own.

***

THEY HAD A GREAT DINNER. Fruit juices, no alcohol. Carmen couldn't risk it and Rose didn't want her to be tempted so she followed suit. The Dom Perignon at home was for everyone else. They had taken to ordering Donald Duck for the two of them - that's the brand that most bars use for orange and grapefruit juice. Or they would order two bottles of Perrier if they had it. This restaurant had a big stainless juice bar with freshly squeezed vegetable and fruit juices, so no need for the non-alcoholic dregs of the bar.

Candles, freshly cut flowers, pine wreaths and Christmas lights decorated the windows of the restaurant. Rose was exuberant. Their happiness seemed to radiate outward and spread around the dining area. It wasn't just the season. It wasn't just the play of the candle flames on Rose's dimples or wide violet eyes. It was the spark between her and Carmen's laughing gold-flecked green eyes and their meeting in a combustion of violet-green empathy.

They had the quietest midnight ever ... celebrated with a flaming dessert. Sober, in love and happy, they took a cab home, too shy to dance together to the small orchestra in a straight restaurant, as good as the food was.

Apparently, the New Year's party in their house had grown after they left. No one had cleaned up. Empty plastic liquor cups and paper dessert plates were everywhere. Bill and Alfie were passed out on the floor.

Rose didn't hesitate. It was around 1 a.m., but she exclaimed, "Oh shit, what a mess!" and started picking up the trash.

Carmen sighed in frustration and started walking upstairs. Turning, she clapped her hands and yelled, "Okay boys! Git yo lazy asses up! William Ferguson - Alfonso Hernandez awaken!"

No one moved except Rose, who continued sweeping the junk strewn around the dining room, living room and kitchen. She packed everything into 30-gallon black garbage bags. While cleaning, she found an untouched bag of weed and someone's purse. There were unmatched single shoes left behind with no explanation as to what the owner wore home. First time for that.

Alfonso woke up to the commotion and wrinkled his nose, saying, "It smells like furniture polish in here." He noticed that it was cleaner, got up and stretched, smoothing his wrinkled clothing.

Billy opened his eyes and said, "I was looking for a joint. Then, this thing happened..." He indicated where he had fallen asleep on the floor. He sucked his lips and frowned with distaste, saying quietly, "I'm going to brush my teeth," and walked out of the room.

"Who let me sleep on the floor?" asked Alfie, standing there stunned, looking innocently bewildered - still drunk and stoned on reefer.

Rose grinned and answered, "Time to go upstairs, little brother. Billy's waiting for you."

"Oh," answered Alfonso, scratching his disheveled blonde head. Looking around the room for Bill, not noticing that he had left. Alfie echoed himself and said, "Okay," shuffling towards the stairs, definitely still high from last night.

***

CARMEN AND ROSE'S BEDROOM was dark and cool from the soft night air. The dark was a tunnel into their past - familiar feelings, familiar comfort, familiar scent and nights of remembered love. The only light was from a blue plug in the wall. Neither woman put any other lights on. They liked it dark and semi-illuminated.

Carmen took Rose's hand for a minute, then reached under her sweater and shirt, wrapping herself around her. Rose buried her face in Carmen's warmth. Carmen kissed Rose's lavender scented hair.

They made love on top of the covers, trying to crawl under them after the first orgasm and not doing more than pulling the edges of the blanket over themselves like a tortilla - with one foot covered and the other not - the two of them sandwiched in the middle together like a double burrito. Dang! This was love, not a set for Good Housekeeping.

Rose fell asleep with her arm over Carmen, who watched her breathing with so much love that it felt like it might burst out of her and explode, leaving her dead, but blissful. She played with a curl near Rose's small reddened ear. Her eyes opened with a bit of confusion, then a slow smile. She reached inside of Carmen, pressing close, throwing what little cover was over her on the floor again. It was getting a little bit chilly, but Rose didn't care.

This night just did not want to end. Sleep drifted in as a pink and yellow sun silently opened on their arms flung carelessly over each other, still on top of the bedspread.

Shepard whined, then barked at the lack of response from either woman.

"Shit," said Carmen, stretching - looking with amusement at Rose's pretty, flushed, nude body, breathing quietly next to her. She yawned.

"Okay, Shep," said Carmen as the dog came over and shoved himself up under her hand. Funny habit he had of petting himself. Carm smiled and got out of bed, blinking in the unexpected sunlight sprinkling out of the curtains, over the window ledge and curling onto the floor, pooling at her feet.

She closed the drapes and shut it out, letting Rose sleep. She covered her gently, brushing her face with the blanket. Rose's eyelashes fluttered as she rolled over on her side.

Carmen smiled and turned to Shep, saying, "Come on, boy. Let's go out." The dog gave a little jump and ran down the stairs. Carm pulled on a clean T-shirt and pair of dungarees and followed him out to the kitchen. Rose's phone was on the granite counter. It buzzed, making its way to the edge, threatening to fall on the floor. Carmen caught it. Letting Shep out into the garden, she answered the call.

"Mmm...hello?" expecting Brittany from the icon on Rose's phone.

As luck would have it, the mild voice of Sarah Atchison responded.

"Hi...Rose?"

"No, Sarah. It's Carmen. Rose is sleeping."

"I have to talk to someone."

"That might have to be me."

"Okay. I'm just using Britt's phone."

"I noticed," answered Carmen, putting on water for tea and sitting down with a cup and tea ball filled with peppermint. She watched the water start to simmer. For some reason she was slightly uncomfortable with Sarah taking over Brittany's communications. She swallowed her thoughts.

"So, what is it? You can tell me," continued Carmen.

"Yeah. Okay. I know you will talk to Rose."

"I can do that..." answered Carmen.

"As you know, yesterday was a big holiday...".

Here it comes, thought Carmen, picking at her thumbnail nervously.

"Brittany was geared up to spend the New Year with you and Rose."

"We hadn't made plans that way," answered Carmen sharply.

"Brittany thought for sure you two would drop by anyway."

Figures, thought Carmen, disgusted. She sticks like superglue. She said out loud, "We went out together and had a quiet dinner."

Sarah stumbled a little, sounding embarrassed, "Just w-wanted to let you know...."

"Look, Sarah. We know that Britt sometimes expects things we don't do. Rose is a big girl now and she has her own life."

A small hawk dove past the kitchen windows and landed on a branch of the big, old apple tree. Fat clouds skittered across a porcelain blue sky. The wind picked up leaves and twirled them in a circle, scattering them on the grass in a kaleidoscope of colors. Shepard lay, legs extended, in a patch of grass, sleeping, moving his legs in an occasional dream of running. An aura of peace radiated from the scene.

Sarah cleared her throat. She spoke in a raspy voice. "It's my job, Carmen. It's not my wish to disturb you or Rose."

Carmen was stunned, so much so that she forgot what she was going to say. She remembered all the times she had accepted Brittany Oliver's aggressive forays into their lives as normal. She had suffered so many attacks from Rose's mother, there was a dented callus across her chest permanently protecting her heart. Thing is, nothing could do that. The poetry of her soul, Rose, would never know how many knocks Carmen had taken for her.

Stay the FUCK away from my girlfriend was tattooed in neon on the ephemeris of Carmen's mind. It was ever ready to change shape and explode.

Even though Sarah was as gentle as a yellow butterfly, the pain of the past was there. Sarah started to become aware of the prolonged silence on the phone. She coughed. Carmen could not force her brain to recognize this sudden voice of peace, thoughtfulness and honest intelligence. Representing Brittany Oliver - no fucking way.

She shook herself back into focus and said, "Okay, Sarah. Thanks for telling me." She continued, thinking, As if I didn't know. And if I did, I didn't care. But she went on mirroring Sarah's politeness, "I appreciate you letting us know." She took out an invisible butter knife and spread it on even thicker, "Tell Britt we are so sorry we couldn't make it." That and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, she added in her mind. Couldn't make that date either.

Sarah coughed again. This woman was sensitive, something Carmen was truly grateful for, worrying that it might not last. Sarah said, "No problem. I'll tell Brittany. I know you love Rose and have a very deep and loyal relationship with her. That means a lot to Brittany...." She paused, then continued, "And me too."

"So, okay, you two are not coming over today, either? Not that Britt will be over her hangover for quite a while. This evening, maybe?"

"No, Sarah, don't think so."

"Okay, I'll try and soothe Brittany's feelings. I understand."

Rose walked into the kitchen in her bathrobe and flip-flops, catching the tail end of Carmen's conversation.

She asked, "Sarah, again? Is she calling about Brittany? So, Sarah is Britt's cop now?"

"Your mom wants to see us today."

"Oh, shit."

"What do you want us to do?"

"Guess."

"Maybe a short visit?"

"Carmen!"

"It might keep her from coming over here."

"You have a point."

"Sarah seems to be right on Brittany's Modus Operandi. An hour won't hurt too much. Sarah said Britt needs this morning..." Carmen hesitated.

"...to get over her hangover," finished Rose as she put the water on for tea. She cut two thick slices of fresh homemade bread and started melting a pat of butter in the frying pan. Carmen put her arms around Rose and kissed her, mumbling, "Happy New Year, baby..." into her ear.

Rose kissed her back and broke away with a huff of cynicism. She finished frying the bread. They both fixed some Chai with steamed raw milk and sat down at the table.

Carmen took a few bites of fried bread and a couple sips of hot tea. She got up to examine the contents of the fridge. After sticking her head in, she commented, "There's still plenty of leftovers from Christmas - want something?" She stuffed a Falafel into her mouth, smiling at Rose.

"No, honey. I'm good." She thought a bit, then answered, "Mmm...okay, get me a couple of those." She pointed at Carmen's mouth.

"Want some hummus with it?"

"Is it my mother's?"

"Yep..."

"Okay."

"It's good," said Carmen, sticking her finger in the tahini sauce and sucking it with some noise.

"Yeah, I guess we could go over and get some more of her leftovers - raid her refrigerator. That's one thing my mother is good for. Food."

"For an hour?"

"Or less," answered Rose, eating a ball of Falafel with a grin.

"Maybe Sarah will be there, too. She seems to be everywhere, flying around Brittany like Tinkerbell."

"She seems to calm mother down. I am starting to like that woman. She almost makes my mother seem human."

"Sort of."

Someone blew into a noisemaker in the front hall, making a loud bleat. Rose and Carmen looked up from their breakfast. They heard some male giggles. Alfie whispered, "Happy New Year, yall..." Then, there was a deep prolonged silence.

Rose's face changed when she heard Bill and Alfie giggling in the hall. A light entered her being. She chortled to herself as if she was keeping a juicy secret. Leaning into the table, towards Carmen, she said, quietly, "I've got it!"

"Got what?" asked Carmen, sipping her Chai.

Rose coughed into her sleeve and wiped her mouth on a napkin. Then, she let it out, "We need to take Billy and Alfie with us to Britt's."

Carmen choked on her toast. She put her finger up in the air, signaling until she could stop choking. She swallowed a sip of tea and caught her breath. When her throat was clear, she smiled. "Oh yeah," she said. "She just loves them so much! That's not fair to the two of them."

"Food'll be good."

"No doubt."

"She needs to accept all of us. This is a community thing, too."

Carmen felt good about Rose's new feelings now that she came out to her mother a few days ago. She had changed from an apprehensive, nail-biting young woman to a self-assured, strong, well-educated professional able to stand up for being gay...most of the time anyway.

"Mmm...," commented Carmen nodding 'yes' and raising her eyebrows at Rose.

"I know you don't think they can all get along," said Rose.

Carmen coughed.

Rose continued, "But I do."

Rose's why-can't-we-be-friends? attitude was something that Carmen felt was a little premature. Considering it took Rose ten years to be comfortable with coming out to her mother - any attitude was possible.

That's a lot of repressed feeling. Anything could surface...all the love Rose wanted from her mother in all those years. That's the thing and Carmen knew it. She knew it well...and if she wished anything for her Rose, it was love. She hoped all this would work. She could take a roll of duct tape and a handful of zip ties just in case it didn't.

Rosie got up and went to Carmen, needing a hug. Carmen swallowed the last bite of her toast and let Rose hug her shoulders and kiss her hair. After struggling with Brittany for so long, a stray tear slipped down her cheek in sympathy. She said, "Yeah, honey. I'll ask the boys about going with us."

Billy and Alfie walked into the kitchen right on cue. Bill asked, "Where are we going?"

Rose looked up and grinned.

Bill and Alfie bumped hips - their arms twined around each other. "So?" stated Alfie, mildly, without interest.

Bill snapped his fingers and blurted, "Your mother's...We have to go to Cruella's. Oh, fuck!"

"I'll go if she doesn't call us any bad names," lisped Alfie, not looking enthused and more interested in what Billy was doing with his hands.

Bill continued, "And a good morning to you in this new year, ladies.... Don't worry, Rosie, I'll go, just let us know the time. I hope your accident insurance covers me and Al."

Rose sat down again and sipped her tea, obviously happy that her roomies had agreed. Wondering how to keep her mother's usual gay epithets locked up inside of her or at least tethered into something immediately changeable into a weird queer joke. She looked into her empty cup, a little worried. This was a lot to ask of a simple botanist.

She could ask her plants. She needed to speak to them. She began to need the solace of her greenhouse. She would meditate in there. There was even a statue of a sitting Buddha surrounded by poinsettias.

Carmen got up and brought her dishes to the sink. Bill and Alfonso started their own breakfasts using the abundant leftovers from Christmas. Stuffing, turkey and scrambled eggs with Kona coffee. Carmen spoke to Billy, quietly taking him aside and holding him by the arm, "You know Britt, Bill. I'll do the best I can to guide the conversation and cover your ass. Britt has a hangover from last night - so I guess we'll be bringing dinner over. A couple of Sicilian deep-dish pizzas will do it. Nothing too exciting but she won't have to cook."

"Nothing fucking gourmet..." Alfonso added, "...Except her elaborate golden trash-talk."

Rose said, hopefully, "Might be better this time. She knows we're all gay for sure, now. We can confiscate all the leftovers later when we're fixin' to leave."

"Whoopee," commented Carmen, sardonically, putting clean dishes into the dish drain.

Billy spoke with a shy smile, "We'll dress down and try to stay in the shadows."

Carmen gave him a rueful smile and slapped the frying pan she had been scrubbing into some clean water with too much of a splash. As the pan sank into the hot water, her heart tried not to do the same thing.

She thought to herself, Holidays have just got to be better than this.

***

BEFORE FIVE, EVERYONE changed into clean jeans and flannel shirts. The pizzas were due to arrive at Brittany's in about an hour.

New Year's Day was a "family thing" for Brittany. At least when she was sober. When she was drunk, she was a 4th of July monster from Stranger Things and could easily forget that Rose was her daughter. She was capable of throwing ceramics at her to make her lapse in memory turn into violence, like combative Alzheimer's with a wicked accurate aim. She would pick fights with Rose. At that point, she was a stranger to her mother and prey. So, waiting until Britt was sober and her hangover was gone saved whatever sanity circulated around the holiday. Rose was grateful for any wee, tiny little shred of sanity. Carmen was grateful for any shred of holiday.

Rose opened the silver button at the top of her jeans as they finished dressing upstairs in their bedroom. She pulled the zipper back down a little. Carmen smiled softly as she saw the top of Rose's white lace underpants. Rose smiled into Carmen like wax melts in a candle. Rose's eyes twinkled in an unmistakable signal.

Billy called upstairs, "We're ready! Come on girls...Armageddon awaits. Survivors get to ride with me roundtrip. Meet you out at my truck."

Rose's hand dropped off Carmen's waist. Carmen gave her a quick kiss and whispered, "Take a rain check, baby? Mommy calls."

Rose pouted but nodded, zipping up her pants. She felt like crying but knew it was late. She grabbed Carmen's hand and pulled her towards the hallway with a rueful look in her eyes.

As they tromped down the stairs Rose said, "We are not bringing Britt a bottle of wine. The pizzas are enough. She doesn't need any more alcohol."

"Did I say anything?" asked Carmen opening her arms in a display of innocence. "I know we don't need her drunk."

"Just saying..."

Carmen walked outside with a snort.

As difficult as the recent snow was, the added humidity had given the grass, plants and trees a fantastic sheen of renewal.

It was hard to believe in this succulent evening mist that they were off to defeat the battleground states and their homophobia all packed into just one relative. Billy was playing his Pink - blasting the bass through his newly installed booster speakers in the back of the double cab.

|  |

---|---|---

# 7| Sarah

***

"Go now, don't look back, we've drawn the line.

Move on, it's no good to go back in time.

I'll never find another girl like you,

For happy endings it takes two.

We're fire and ice, the dream might come true.

"Sara, Sara, storms are brewin' in your eyes

Sara, Sara, no time is a good time for goodbyes"

[Jefferson Starship, Sara, written by Gary Moore & Philip Parris Lynott

Sara lyrics (C) Universal Music Publishing Group.]

All four friends were steeled for their expected confrontation with a disappointed or indignant Brittany. They were surprised when Sarah opened the door of Britt's house for them with a kind, gentle smile. She gently took Rose's hand and led the group into the living room.

Brittany looked at them, smiling. She was propped up in a large armchair her hands wrapped around a fragrant hot vanilla latte. The four were slightly stunned by the unexpected atmosphere of quiet happiness. It left them all sort of bemused.

"Hi, mom..." said Rose, at a loss for words. Everyone sat down next to each other on the couch facing a set of green tweed armchairs with colorful handwoven throws. Sarah brought in a tray of more hot latte and cookies.

Brittany surveyed Billy and Alfonso, not losing her kind, happy look. "Happy New Year," she said as quiet Christmas music played subtly in the background. Carmen choked a little on her latte, not used to coffee and almost uncomfortable with the unusually peaceful setting. Brittany's happiness actually set her on edge. It made her wary. She felt like there must be something horrible awaiting them around the darker corners of Brittany's mind. Something might explode, shattering the glass ornaments on the Christmas tree and forcing the colorful garlands to fall to the floor as if the Grinch had entered and pulled them down with his spikey, green fingers.

True to form, Brittany put her coffee down as she said, "So you're all gay now, right? The boys and you too..." indicating Rose and Carmen with a limp sweep of her hand.

"We were gay before this, too," stuttered Rose, leaning into Carmen for emotional support, her arm squashed behind her back in a very uncomfortable but reassuringly painful way.

"Of course, we're gay, Brittany. We thought we could celebrate the holiday with you," commented Alfonso with a tiny brilliant smile. He could positively twinkle when he was trying to cajole someone with his very real natural charm. It seemed to have worked. Brittany became silent. Her silence was a pool of uneasy quietude on a normally turbulent sea. Carmen was looking for the vile green sea monster, waiting for it to arise.

Sarah, almost invisible at this point, hidden in a shadowed corner of the room, spoke up, "You're all family. You and all your friends. Yes, Britt has told me about the local police Chief and her girlfriend and the others." As she spoke, she seemed almost afraid to call attention to herself. Her voice was barely audible.

"Wife," corrected Carmen. "Lt. Jones and Longoria Walker are legally married with all the rights that go with it."

"Okay...y...y.... I get it," answered Sarah, sounding a bit abashed, perhaps embarrassed by her less than hip blunder.

Rose spoke up quickly, "Carmen and I have signed a marriage contract too." She hesitated, then continued, "My last name is now La Pierre. I can use Oliver as a middle name when I need to."

You would have thought Rose had broken an heirloom vase with a swift hurl over Brittany's head. Sarah's high musical giggle broke the rather tense silence in the aftermath of Rose's revelation. She said something so quietly that no one heard her. Her voice had the effect of a small sparrow landing unnoticed on someone's hand, fluttering there for a second, then flying away.

While Sarah looked flustered, Brittany's face started turning reddish purple as if she was holding her breath. Rose made some excuse and hurried to the bathroom, leaving everyone else speechless for the moment.

"Well..." said Brittany in a husky voice, her hand shaking as it rested on her knee. "I guess no one will know who Rose's mother is anymore. I should tear up your old business card."

Oh, so sad...thought Carmen.

"I guess you're happy about that, Carmen," continued Brittany harshly, looking defeated and facing the four friends as Rose came back in and sat down.

Rose felt a sudden rush of inexplicable sympathy which arose from her solid feelings of security in her relationship with Carmen. She got up, walked over to her mother, and hugged her.

Sarah smiled and said, "You see? Rose still loves you. She always will. Nothing changes that, Britt. Children grow up and make their own life decisions. That doesn't mean they love any less."

Carmen put her arm around Rose as she sat down again. The sun flared in the windows as it went down past the hills. Alfonso spoke up, "Oh, Brittany, everyone who marries - straight or gay - has that name change option. It doesn't have anything to do with you."

Keep thinking that way, Al - everything has to do with Brittany, thought Carmen, ready to leave and let Sarah and Britt celebrate or whatever by themselves. Fucking Happy New Year to you, too, asshole! she thought, fidgeting with Rose's hand. Everyone started speaking at the same time, talking over each other. Billy threw a glance at Carmen. That look might have been the asteroid that crashed into the earth and caused the Ice Age with repercussions from the radiation. His look was that hot.

Billy and Carmen were done and ready to run - but Alfonso and Rose looked primed to deal with this. Sarah's tranquil voice was heard, speaking barely above a whisper, "They love each other, Brittany." For some reason this small comment seemed to defuse Britt's anger. Her face changed miraculously to a calm - even understanding - demeanor. Alfie noticed and smiled at her.

Rose, Carmen and Billy seemed unsure at Brittany's change of mood.

Alfonso clapped his hands and exclaimed, "You see?"

Rose commented under her breath in Carmen's ear, "Yeah, she might even be human, after all." Carmen laughed.

For some reason, Brittany seemed to take Carmen's laugh as a sign of friendship towards her. Directing her attention towards little Alfonso, she opened her arms and stood up shakily (still a bit hungover). She walked towards her daughter and her guests on the couch.

Three of them shrunk from her approach, but Alfie stood up to catch her embrace. As they hugged each other, Al uttered into Brittany's ear, "You see - we all love you."

Carmen's face drained of color as she overheard this statement. Rose moved against Carmen uncomfortably as if she was trying to hide behind her. Carmen pushed herself forward straining to hear Alfie's next words. This was not a move anyone had expected. Alfie was a wild card. Carmen huffed a laugh to herself and sat back settling into the cushions and Rose's side.

Rose whispered to Carm, "Alfie's just gotta do it..."

"You know he's going to charm the hell out of her. It's not like him to pass up a chance to use his naivete to change someone's mind and turn them around," answered Carmen. "You would have to be a child to like Brittany and she found a goldmine with him."

They watched as Alfie continued to pacify Brittany and guide her back to her seat with his arm around her waist. All of this with Billy, Rose and Carmen frustratingly out of earshot. Brittany sat down and smiled at the three of them like a contented little old lady being tucked into her armchair and given her knitting.

***

A SMALL NOISE INTERRUPTED this rhapsodic episode between Alfonso and Brittany. It was the sound of the front door, precariously left unlocked, shutting quietly, followed by the sound of someone's footsteps approaching the living room. Lt. Jones walked into the living room in full uniform, the gold stars glinting off her dark blue PKPD jacket.

If a second shock wave could be more stunning than Brittany's reaction to Rose's new name and lesbian marriage to Carmen, the lieutenant's unannounced presence was just that.

"Wa...l...l... hello there, ladies!" proclaimed Jones in a loud voice, looking pointedly at Brittany. "Everything fine here?" she continued, surveying the group of friends. "No problems?" Rose hid her face in Carmen's shoulder in embarrassment as the lieutenant looked at her. Carmen felt her stifle a laugh in her sweater.

"My family is a circus," she mumbled. "The frigging police come to check on us."

Carmen leaned sideways towards her and said, under her breath, "It wouldn't be much of a holiday without our security." She turned to Rita and said, louder, "Happy New Year, baby."

"We're pretty good," said Billy answering Jones' enquiry with a little grin as Alfie squashed down next to him.

Brittany spoke up in a brittle voice, saying flatly, "I'm not a prisoner..." She was clearly not pleased at being the subject of Jones' surveillance. The atmosphere became so thick with silence that Jones broke it open like a pinata with a cascade of candied laughter, saying, "Why, I'm your best friend, Brittany! She-e-et, girl, I run this town. I damn well have known for years that you leave your door open - might as well walk right on in and make myself at home."

Brittany's mouth flew open and curled as if she was trying to grow fangs like some vampire creature. She squinted at Jones like she was trying to look right through her into her daughter's reddened face and shamed eyes, flashing violet fire.

Rose felt her mother's glare like a blazing bolt of lightning. She memed, "Shit, Rita. We're okay."

Brittany declared, "You see? I don't need a babysitter, Rita."

Rita shifted her feet, looked for a chair and sat down with a sigh, one eyebrow elevated in a fine black Arc de Triomphe. She had a wary grin on her face as she surveyed all her friends, one by one for any signs of discomfort. She was playing community liaison at this point, ready to make peace at a moment's notice. No one said anything. Rose still projected a scarlet aura of total embarrassment. Sarah looked anxious and was playing with her hands and looking down at her feet. She cleared her throat. Jones smiled at her gently and said, "Part of the family now, eh, Sarah?"

Sarah blushed and looked at Brittany who grinned at her and answered, "The best Personal Assistant ever...." She looked into Sarah's wide eyes and continued, "...and a good buddy, too."

Rose coughed. Carmen snorted quietly and said under her breath, "Until she finds out what Brittany really does with her free time...I'm still convinced that Sarah is taking a trip on the wild side." Rose began to laugh, covering her mouth with one hand.

Alfonso said, with a brilliant white smile and a splash of inner glitter, "You see! We're all friends now. No need to worry...."

Carmen gave Rose a look and a half. Rose snickered into her sleeve, trying to hide the laugh. This was not lost on Jones - or Brittany for that matter. Britt turned pale and tight with anger but miraculously said nothing. Alfie continued sparkling until Billy pointedly shoved an elbow into his delicate side.

"What?!" barked Alfie in protest. "We are friends."

"Some of us," responded Bill in a low voice. A lot of mumbling was going on. A fact not lost on Brittany who looked like Kilauea before the tourists were told to leave...steaming slightly but without any spitting or eruptions.

Lt. Jones looked at the ceiling and said, "On this New Year's Day, I need to say I am glad your family and friends are now on a more equal level. You chose a fine holiday to celebrate your relationships. That's why I love this job. I am not perfect, I know that. I hope I didn't offend you by inviting myself to your gathering.

"But my mistakes are someone else's life. We, in my department, don't make mistakes. You just don't breathe without compassion in this job. Just like when I busted that robbery at Jiffy's when you and Rose were reconciling. It was serendipity that I was intuitively watching over you."

Rose called out in antiphon, "You were Super Woman. There she was, standing up at the front of the store cuffing the guy with the shotgun."

Carmen added, "Muscles..."

Jones answered slyly, "I work out." She continued in a husky sotto voce, "Since Rose came out, I wanted to track y'all just to make sure all was well. I did not want any fireworks. You know your mom's been arrested for domestic disturbances before. That's why I put GPS on all your vehicles."

"Oh, my G-awd...." Said Billy and Alfie simultaneously. Sarah shook her head and frowned. She reached over to Brittany in the armchair next to her and laid her hand on her arm. Rose later swore she could hear her mother grind her teeth. To deflect any potential flareups from the mother volcano, Rose tried to interject something way off the subject but happier. After all, this was her holiday. Her coming out needed some tinsel. She said, apropos of nothing, "I have a contract with the Forest Service to plan the planting of an entire forest this summer." It was a valiant attempt to break the tension.

As a chorus, everyone in the room sang out, "You do?!" Even Carmen was surprised.

Brittany spoke up in a brittle but loud voice, "Well, darling, that is only what you deserve." She glinted her narrowed eyes towards Rita as if to tell her, 'See? We are all together here and doing better than most folks.' But she couldn't resist kicking out by saying, "Maybe Lt. Jones will meet you out there on her cycle for a surprise picnic after she maps your location."

Carmen belched immediately after this statement and cringed as a pain shot through her stomach. It felt as if Rita had shot her with her Magnum. Why me? she thought. Her ulcer was growing teeth.

Sarah replied to Brittany in a soft voice, "Oh Brittany, don't...." With this, Brittany got up and left the room, walking into the kitchen and slamming the door behind her. Sarah looked a little shocked, got up and followed her.

"Same old...same old," commented Carmen with sarcastic blandness. "Anyone into a little Randy Rainbow, the musical political satirist on YouTube? He is such a gay boy. We need a little Christmas. I think he's the right guy to bring back the spirit of this holiday."

No one said anything.

Carmen continued, "Ok. Anyone for the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy? I know where the Tchaikovsky CD is."

Rose looked desperate to leave.

Rose took a breath but told Carmen she was ready to go and call it a night. She was sure it would be nicer at home...like no f***ing doubt. She thanked Rita for her rather rough efforts at peacemaking, looked ruefully at the kitchen, quizzically smelling cigarette smoke coming from that direction. She stood up and pulled at Carmen's hand, saying, "Come on, baby...."

The two of them walked pensively towards the front door. Billy looked at Alfie. Alfonso said something in Spanish and Bill laughed, answering agreeably, "Okay...."

Billy threw his truck keys at Carmen. He said, "We're going to stay a while longer. I'll call a cab. Al thinks Britt's his newbie. My opinion doesn't matter...." Alfonso stroked Bill's cheek with the back of his hand and made an 'awww...' sound followed by a smooch. "Yeth, it does," he lisped quietly.

Jones got up and straightened her uniform. "Ok, folks. I'll give you a ride," she said directing the comment at Carmen and Rose who were still standing around awkwardly. She continued, "Things should have gotten better since you came out to her. I think she's just jealous, as usual. You know, your new contract with the Forest Service."

Rose huffed in disgust and turned to leave with Carmen after she threw Billy's keys back at him, saying, "Here...." She took Carmen's hand. They walked out to Rita's cruiser - waiting for her to unlock her vehicle.

It was a quiet ride back to their house, even Jones didn't say much. There was an air of disappointment. Then Rose said, "I think Brittany and Sarah were smoking cigarettes. My mother is so weak."

***

SARAH AND BRITT SAT together in the kitchen sharing a cigarette. Sarah took a drag, coughing and coking. Brittany did the same thing. They laughed as they coughed.

Brittany said, "I just can't stand it when my child throws things at me...like that name change."

Sarah replied, tamping out the last of the Marlboro. She said, "You know there aren't any more cigarettes in the kitchen drawer..."

Brittany smiled and answered, running a hand down Sarah's silky cheek, "Well." She laughed and continued, "We don't smoke, do we? I'm not good with change, Sarah. You must have seen that by now." Sarah looked down and tried to avoid Brittany's piercing blue eyes. She nodded slightly. Sarah was as deep as she was silent. She was not just silent - she was musing. She grabbed Brittany's hand and pulled her closer, still not saying anything. She took her other hand and looked fearlessly into her eyes. Brittany smiled back - a little surprised at Sarah's show of affection.

Brittany looked over her shoulder into the darkened yard outside. She said quietly, "I wish we were in Paris. We have to go there together. You have no idea how exquisite it is to go someplace exotic for the holidays." She put her warm gaze back upon Sarah's glowing face and went on, "Say you'll go with me, Sarah. You will love it as much as I do. Rose was raised in Paris. It was our home for many years."

Sarah smiled and gave a short, self-effacing laugh. She said, spreading her hands, "International travel on the holidays? Sounds like fun. I walked from San Ysidro, California into Tijuana one Christmas, just to stroll around the hood. I bought a slice of rocking good fresh pineapple from a street vendor to relieve the heat of the day."

Sarah hesitated and continued, "Does that count as exotic? You need a passport even though you can take the subway back to San Diego right from the border." She looked down and paused again, looking back into Brittany's sparkling, interested eyes. She said, "...And yes, I'd go with you to Paris. I'm your PA. That's part of my job." She paused and smiled at the floor shyly, saying, "I'm your friend, too. I would love to go."

Brittany squeezed Sarah's hands in response. Somehow, she trusted her - that kind of trust had also not happened in quite a while. There was just something about Sarah's gentle way of doing things.

Sarah spoke again, slowly - her eyes never leaving Brittany's, "I do care about you. I know it is hard for you to believe this is not just a role. One gives all one's love for just the one moment that one feels it. It is fleeting. The scene changes and it flies away. Gone. Forever? Never. It will return like a bird returning to one's hand. This is what I believe. This is my personal philosophy.

"I love you as my friend, not just my boss. I think you know that." As usual, Sarah used her highly sensitive interpersonal skills to find a hopeful truth for someone. In this case, it was Brittany.

Brittany was startled by her words and the warmth in them. She smiled and pulled her into the living room again. "Like this moment, eh?" she commented wryly as they both sat down in armchairs facing Alfie and Bill.

"They left?" asked Sarah, her attention pulled away from Brittany.

"Carmen didn't feel well," answered Billy. The music from the sound system changed to Jose Feliciano playing Feliz Navidad. Alfie broke out in smiles and clapped his hands. He sang along for a few bars and proclaimed, "Ahhh...the coming out song!"

Brittany almost dropped her toddy mug. Her smile froze.

Sarah understood but looked tentatively at Brittany as she spoke out, "Alfie, we accept you and everyone the way you are."

Brittany relaxed with Sarah's words and even nodded. An epiphany seemed to sweep away her tension. Maybe...just maybe...there was change. Maybe a small change...a dime's worth.

***

MEANWHILE BACK AT CARMEN and Rose's house, they were finally alone to enjoy the holiday - with only the Christmas lights glowing and the dark pine-scented living room enclosing the two of them.

Carmen drew Rose in front of her. She reached under her jacket and Rose said, "Mmm..." in a very low voice. The cold drafts from the crisp winter air were warmed by the closeness of their bodies. Rose wrapped her arms around Carmen. Relief flooded over her. Home again after a very shaky evening. She leaned into the embrace and put her head on Carmen's breast, listening to her heartbeat - a sound she memorized, which had always grounded her.

Their love-making that evening was the slow, deliberate kind. The kind that was not frantic, tearing their clothes off. It was the love that let each woman look with familiarity on the shape and form of her lover, sinking into the feeling of that sight which grew in affection each year.

Carmen thought, This is the woman that is the energy behind our plants whose life is like photosynthesis to every good thing. This is the woman behind all those successful struggles to finish her degree. This is the woman who loves me and sees me as I really am.

Rose couldn't stop thinking about all the holidays they had spent together, the sweet scents, the intimate times with just the two of them. She felt a surge of love and an explosion of happiness as they orgasmed together. Their fancy holiday garb was in the appropriate place on the bedroom floor. Their lovemaking might be slow, but there was no reason to get too finicky about hanging stuff up either. Shep's head rested on Carmen's crushed velvet pants, snoring lightly on the hardwood.

Under the covers, Rose's panties were still hanging off her foot. More waves of orgasm moved inside her one after the other. Carmen's fingers and tongue played a familiar symphony with her sensitivities which she knew well. Rose made some noise and almost started crying. Something touched her soul. This holiday - especially today - had fallen far short of her expectations (which had been pretty low anyway). The way they knew each other, and each other's bodies was the unity that triumphed over her anxiety and disappointment.

Carmen raised her head, looking down on Rose's beautiful form. Her fingers stroked Rose's soft pubic hair. Rose shuddered one more time as Carmen slid up her body and landed next to her, pulling the quilt up with her. She tucked it around Rose's shoulders and back. "You rock my world, Rosie," whispered Carmen into her ear as she put her leg over Rose and let Rosie push inside her. All was right with that world - hers and Carmen's.

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# 8| Maybe She's Just Shedding Her Skin Like a Snake

***

Carmen and Rose sat down to a vegan quiche the next morning. Rose kicked Carmen's foot as they sipped their tea. She said with a smirk, "What do you think of Sarah now?"

"She's a bit of a peacemaker, isn't she?"

"I think she tries. Personally, I don't quite understand why she defends Brittany with all those excuses. It doesn't seem to be just a money thing with her."

"Maybe she likes her, as impossible as it seems," answered Carmen in an off-hand way.

"She did seem to calm her down several times, when I was sure she would go off on me."

"She did. Miracles happen in strange ways. I'm glad Rita showed up. Gentle little Sarah might not have been strong enough to hold back the tide of Brittany's so-called feelings."

"I'm glad she showed up too. Besides being the best Captain of the Guard, a lesbian could have - she's great insurance against flying cutlery and ceramics whizzing past your head."

Carmen huffed and said, "It got close."

"Usually does. No one has an opinion that differs from Brittany. Opinions are her gaffing mechanism. They are her...who she is. Other people have souls - my mother puts souls on her shoes and uses her ego as her spirit."

"She probably listens to old Art Bell on Coast-to-Coast radio, listening for interstellar aliens on Sundays instead of going to church."

"Jesus..."

"Wouldn't be..." Carmen paused, then continued, "Wouldn't be Jesus of Nazareth she was listening for on that show, I mean."

"Just the sound of her own voice. An ego-echo..."

"'Bout that - the sound of one hand clapping..."

Just as Carmen made that heavy philosophical point, the ominous sound of thunderous hooves pounding on the ground shook the house, obviously going past the kitchen and out to the front driveway, towards the main road. It sounded like a wild stampede. It was definitely more than one horse.

Rose knocked her chair over and stood up in alarm at the noise, as Carmen coughed up her last forkful of quiche, spitting it into her still-warm tea. Rose was out the back before Carmen could recover. Carmen could hear her yelling something and standing around swearing in what Carm assumed was her soaking wet stocking feet, having forgotten to put her boots on. There was only one word on her mind - Brittany.

She thought, Good God damn....

Carmen wiped her mouth, belched and steadied herself on the back of a kitchen chair. She put her muck boots and her canvas trail jacket on and took Shep out into the back yard with her. She needed his emotional support...and possibly his protection. She thought doubtfully, It could be a real thief.

Otherwise, it was Brittany, who was a real thief too. So, she thought, anyway...having a bad feeling about the whole thing.

As she watched Shep scoot around the house running towards Rose, Carmen felt suddenly woozy and started to twitch. She had to sit down on the garden bench. Her head started to spin. She rested it in her hands and started breathing deeply.

She slowly brought herself back. The scent of her winter garden flooded her lungs. The soil smelled good. Even the scent of the melting snow brought her back to her senses. It was funny, she didn't even want to know what was going on anymore. But the thought of Rose dealing with this all by herself was the only thing that motivated her to stand up again and move forward. Shep came running back to her side and walked gently - brushing next to her leg. She heard the blast from a mega-phone. Lieutenant Jones' strident voice commanded Brittany to, "Git down...and leave the damn horse there!"

Carmen coughed and continued walking around the side of the house, looking down at Shep, saying, "I knew it. One nice word to Britt, in all honesty and confidence, and she thinks it's a license to steal .... She's always at that horse, eh, boy?"

No answer from the dog, but he snorted and shook his head. As soon as she approached the front of the house, she saw a spray of wet snow and the escaping asses of three horses slamming down the front road with Brittany in the lead...riding Holly, of course.

Carmen started laughing at the strange sight. She had no idea who was chasing her, but assumed it was Rita Jones and perhaps another cop. She couldn't fathom why they were on horseback. They were too far away to see anything.

She stopped laughing when she spied Rose's angry face watching the retreating horses, riding behind the tree-line into a large fallow field. Carmen walked over and put her arm around Rose, squeezing her waist and kissing her hair still fragrant from her herbal shampoo. Rose's violet eyes flashed fire into the morning sun.

"I can't believe she felt free to do this again!" she stated with disgust.

"Believe it. No amount of 'nice' or forgiveness seems to change your mother's sense of entitlement."

"My ass..." commented Rose, cynically.

"Did you call Rita this morning? Is that why she was here, heroically riding her steed in hot pursuit of our family horse thief?"

"No. She and someone else just happened to ride by. I think she was coming over here to visit or something."

"But she took off after your mom when she saw her amble by on Holly?"

"Yup," said Rose, still angry despite Carmen's affection. "There goes Jones out for a nice little early morning trot - and who do they run into?"

"The local horse rustler...."

Rose turned red. With her dark hair it made her strikingly attractive. Carmen held her more tightly around the waist, but Rose was too distracted to respond. Instead, she broke away and said, walking towards the front door, "I need to get my phone and stand by for any news from Rita. I really want my horse back."

Shepard barked and ran a little towards the road with an intelligent awareness of what was going on, like he could find his horse friend. A bit late and ineffectual but the dog had picked up on Carmen and Rose's defensive attitude.

Carmen turned to follow Rose, clapped her hands, and called Shep. He ran back to her. Carmen thought, Britt sheds one homophobic identity only to grow a new one as domineering as the last - no matter what was said or done over the holidays.

"Right, Shep?" she asked out loud, as if Shepard could read her mind - which he probably did frequently like most dogs, but to this he gave no reply, just brushed up against her leg, sort of tromping on her foot. The dog's toenails dug through her sock. Carmen exclaimed, "Ow, puppy! I have to trim those nails. That hurt!"

To that, Shep barked once or twice.

Rose turned to look at them as she entered the house, and gave a sharp two-fingered whistle, getting Shep to come towards her at a run. Guess watching Brittany re-runs hit a nerve and she needed a fur baby's comfort to soothe the irritation she felt.

Double that for Carmen who climbed the front stairs like a defeated warrior, tired and confused. Taken in by Brittany yet again. Where was the change in her that they had expected? Same old shit...no differences, except no word about their gay boy roommates or their own relationship...just the usual, 'Here I am whenever I want to be here. Doing whatever I want without asking my child's permission.'

***

BRITTANY PATTED HOLLY'S smooth, glistening neck and said urgently, into her tall tan left ear, "Come on, girl, run...run...faster!" Holly was in great shape and Jones (out riding, looking for an old hunting cabin with Longoria) was not expecting a chase, just a quiet lunch.

Britt was considered a local champion rider and easily took the lead. She had trained Holly so that she was in peak physical condition despite the age of the horse. And she intended to continue training her for competition despite all the opposition from her daughter, her roomies and her friends...including the local lesbian police. Sure, she knew Holly would have to retire eventually - then her daughter could trail ride - but not now, not yet.

They were at a full gallop and Holly jumped the local streams like a bird. They were a good half-mile in the lead. Hiding was becoming an option for the devious duo. Brittany looked around for an adequate stand of trees and bush. She made a beeline for a small contiguous forest she knew was nearby. Holly knew the place too and stepped quickly behind the trees when they approached the area. Britt patted her on the neck, saying with deep emotional praise, "Good girl, baby..." She added triumphantly, "We beat 'em! We beat 'em good! Ha..." The horse snorted at the praise and shifted her hooves in assent. What did she know, anyway? Britt always treated her with kindness, and she liked her as much as Rose and Carmen.

Brittany heard voices in the distance and looked up just as Jones and Longoria went racing past them. After outpacing Brittany for a few dozen yards, Jones realized that they were no longer chasing anyone. She exclaimed, "Damn!" Longoria trotted up beside her and said, looking into the morning sun, "Convincing somebody of something and not just knocking them down and forcing them to give it up, has its advantages. People falter when asked to define boundaries for what to reveal to someone, how to tell someone else something touchy..."

Rita responded, "...Like stealing her daughter's horse?" She surveyed the surrounding terrain. There was no movement. She held up a finger. Both women went silent. They listened intently. There was no sound.

Rita continued conversing with her partner, "The question is beginning to be when? Not boundaries. Not how - but then, again...that's why we put people in cages. I swear I'll give her the stiffest sentence possible and she can eat jailhouse cooking for at least six months, if the judge agrees. And we can catch her!

"That's objective," answered Longoria.

"I get to visit and talk to her, too. Maybe get her to reason things out a little more in line with the rest of us."

"Ow..."

They both saw something move in the bush behind them. Longoria swore she saw the flash of a tan munching horse nose. She pointed this out to Rita and continued, "London bridge is falling down..."

"Off to jail she must go..." added Rita in a sing-song voice.

They both laughed quietly as they approached the trees where the nose had been visible, "My fair lady..." whispered Longoria.

Wasting her valuable holiday vacation and time she wanted to spend with Longoria in order to chase Brittany around, did nothing to brighten Rita's attitude. She took the flexicuffs out of her zippered pocket.

***

CARMEN LOOKED AT HER phone but found no new message. She stuck it in her back pocket. It buzzed. Rose tripped on one of Shep's toys and fell against Carmen at the sound of her phone. Carmen caught her small body with both arms, and a, "Hey, there...baby...let's saddle up on Maizie and look. It's getting too quiet out there."

She pulled the phone out of her jeans and swore when she saw the icon of Holly - yup, it was Britt. Rose said, "Shit, shit, shit..." when she saw it over Carmen's arm. Just as Carmen said, "It's the devil," a video came up from another call and interrupted Britt's call. It was from Rita's GoPro attached to her riding hat to record her holiday with Longoria. Not to track a runaway horse.

Holly's sleek muscled ass was shown hightailing it across a field with Rita's out-of-breath angry commentary narrating the scene in an abrupt, hiccupping style as she bounced along with her horse. The camera jumped to Britt's bobbing figure - clearly using every equestrian trick she could think of to spur Holly's gallop far ahead of their pursuers.

"Jeez..." said Rita. "I was just out celebrating the holiday with Longoria. We were out for a slow trot and a picnic lunch at Rory's cabin. Fuck if Brittany didn't trot right past us. That woman has no shame. I'm not anywhere near the rider she is. My horse is younger than Holly, but she isn't a racer, uh, and doesn't have the massive ..." Her voice faltered and cut out. The camera focused on Britt's back and Holly rushing into a small forest that Carmen knew well.

Rita continued awkwardly and breathlessly, "...muscles that Holly has developed over her years of training with Brittany." She paused, said something to Longoria and then stated, "Shit! She..."

Carmen spoke over Rita, "...went into that forest..." as the camera rolled over the panorama of the trees ahead of Rita and Longoria's horses.

"They'll never find them in there," added Rose ruefully.

"We could. I know every inch of those woods. We could find them" Carmen clicked the phone off and walked to the door. Rose followed. They geared up, donning their muck boots and Carhartt's.

They both mounted Maizie, Carmen in front and Rose squished in the back of the saddle, holding on tight behind her. Maizie snorted but was used to the double weight. She was a big horse, about a quarter draft horse.

They took off on this dry, cold winter day. Carmen turned her lined canvas collar up, as Rose held onto her even tighter, burying her face in Carmen's jacket. She knew where Carm was headed anyway. The familiar movement of the horse felt comforting. The smell of Carmen was calming her overactive emotions. She ducked from the next cold blast of wind as Carmen turned onto a well-known trail into the woods.

***

RITA RANG CARMEN'S cell. She and Longoria were lost, pitifully turned around. Big police Chief lost her way in the woods. "Out of the darkness comes the light. It is what it is," said Rita when she realized what had happened.

Carmen answered her phone and gave Rita the directions to the trail so they could meet up, which they did within a few minutes. Carmen and Rose led the way until they could see Holly's big butt hanging out of a thick stand of blueberry bushes and white birch. Carmen pointed towards the culprits. Longoria stayed back with them as Rita rode up quietly behind Brittany.

As Brittany finally heard her and turned to face Rita, Rita spoke up and said, not lacking an ironic twist to her voice, "You know now. You know your child is a lesbian. You need to really SEE that she is a legally married adult woman - she needs your guidance not your competition."

The lieutenant straightened her back in the saddle and coaxed her horse to sidle up so that she was able to reach over and grab Brittany's wrists. Brittany did not resist as Jones clipped her ever-present flexicuffs on Britt's arms so that they were folded in front of her. She stated, "Brittany Oliver, you are under arrest for class A misdemeanor theft." Her horse shifted his feet as she continued, "You'll be in the county jail for not less than six months, if I have my way in court."

Brittany's face crumpled. The tears started to make their way down her reddened cheeks. She gripped the saddle horn with her hands joined by the plastic cuffs. Jones led Holly as she took the reins away from Brittany. Brittany's head fell to her chest, which heaved with sobs.

"Shut up!" commanded Rita in a tight voice.

WHOOooo - said the wind as it whipped around Britt's defeated form. Longoria rode up behind her, forgiving her for breaking up a lovely Sunday holiday ride and throwing their picnic blanket over her shaking shoulders, much more compassionate than Rita.

"Thanks..." said Brittany in a small voice which was almost lost in the wind. She clutched the ends of the blanket with her bound hands.

Rita looked down and swore she saw a snakeskin on the ground underneath Holly. She was startled, then laughed to herself, moving the horse and her rider away from the area. She thought, cynically, Must be Britt shedding again!

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# 9| Epiphany

***

"I dream, of all things, about overly air-conditioned neighborhood cafes that smell like chilled vanilla milkshakes. This prison is just one big junk food factory. Even the French fries are soggy," complained Brittany bitterly, wearing an awkward oversized orange jumpsuit, sitting across from Sarah in the prison meeting room.

It was the county minimum security women's correctional facility, nick-named "Nashville" (Nash County Women's Correctional - NCWC). The facility was brand new but the administration (i.e. food purveyors) were the same ones as the old institution. Badly in need of modernization in Brittany's opinion. Funny thing, that was her profession on the outside. She was an organizer and large charity banquets were her specialty. Funny thing.

She wasn't amused.

She thought deeply and said to Sarah firmly, with an unusual sense of conviction, "If this isn't a charity - what is? Dinner is not exactly a large banquet, but with food donations from my favorite restaurants and a few low lights, I could remake the entire kitchen."

Sarah laughed at her comment and put her hand across the table. Brittany enclosed Sarah's pliant hand in her own. Sarah commented, smiling enthusiastically, "Oh, Britt! You could do it! You're the best. With your professional experience and training in Paris, they're getting a genuine Cordon Bleu chef!"

Brittany threw her head back and let out a guffaw, saying loudly, "Free of charge, too!"

A female guard stepped over and told the women not to touch each other. Looking stressed, both women let go of their clasped hands. The guard reminded Brittany in a relaxed voice, "You need to keep your voice down a little, too, Brittany."

"Shit!" said Brittany in low tones as the guard walked away. Her ill-fitting orange DOC top slipped off one shoulder. She grinned at Sarah and said, pulling at the neckline, "These clothes never fit. Despite all the starchy food, I've lost weight."

"I bet you stopped eating the bread and pasta. That's why," commented Sarah, fidgeting, her hands in her lap. "You do that. I know you do. Don't blame you."

"The bread they serve is not exactly twelve grain organic. We could make that here though. I can bake for this crowd. It's just the supplies. I don't have cred with the administration to get on the cooking crew. It's close...but I have to wait and accumulate a few more good behavior days.

"I just got on the kitchen clean-up crew starting next week. I'll have to see how that goes and how much influence I'll have with the cooks. If they like me, it might be a good start."

Sarah's eyes followed the lines of Brittany's shoulder as it popped out of her DOC jumpsuit again. She could see her shoulder bone, and said, upset, "You've lost too much weight! I can see your bones!"

"Sarah, I only eat the food that seems fresh, like boiled eggs, fruit and raw greens. A little rice and milk."

"Brittany! That's not enough to live on!"

"Tell me about it. I'm always hungry but at least I can avoid most of the sugars. I pick the meat out of the breads, pasta and white rice if I want it. Unless it is fish or plain roasted chicken, I can't tell where it came from. The fish and the chicken are fresh frozen. It's skimpy, but better without all the starch. Who knows what's in the sauce? I taste-test it, but I'm wary."

"Not much on the fresh veggies, are they?"

"Nope. I volunteered but my sentence is too short to get much notice from the administration." Brittany looked down at her hands. She continued, "Too short for them...and too long for me..."

At the mention of Brittany's sentence, Sarah began to cry. She covered her teary face with both hands, embarrassed.

The guard came over to their table and asked with kind concern written on her face, "Everything okay, here? Need anything?"

Sarah sniffled, wiped away the tears with her palm and said, "No. Thank you. I miss Brittany. She's my boss but also my best friend. It's going to be too long..."

The guard put her hand on Sarah's shoulder and asked, "Is she your partner?"

Sarah looked shocked and shook her head, her eyes flashing defensively as Brittany laughed a little too loudly. She answered the guard, "No. No. Just a friend and mentor."

The kindly guard said, "Everyone has to get used to the separation. You will too. Patience is the key, dear..." She walked away after patting Sarah on the back.

Brittany, still smiling, said, "That guard is a sweetheart. She means well. She is used to lesbian relationships in here. I don't want her in our private business. She is kind - but a bit of a snoop."

"Lesbian relationships?! I told her you were my boss and friend!"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, honey. I'll straighten her out. She's not a homophobe."

"But...but..."

"Don't worry. Her comment means nothing."

Sarah looked concerned anyway and felt that maybe her tender feelings towards Brittany were becoming more than she, herself, thought they were. She didn't want Britt to be persecuted with false gossip, not in this place - not anywhere. She spoke, wrinkling her forehead, "I'm not gay, but I do love you, Brittany. I care." The words were out. They gave her more of a thrill than the friendship she had professed just now.

Brittany responded, saying, "I love you, too, Sarah."

Sarah smiled, her teary eyes sparkling at the comment, her feelings zooming a little out of control. Declaring their love seemed to hurt more than it comforted. Sarah blushed and looked embarrassed at the conversation.

"Time's up, ladies," declared the guard at the door. "Visitor's hours are over."

Brittany got up and smoothed her over-sized cotton pants. Sarah went over to her and grabbed her in an emotional hug. Brittany kissed her on the cheek and said hurriedly, "We can't do this..."

The guard strode over, pulled them apart from their embrace, and said, "Uh...uh...no touching. Brittany will now have to be strip searched - please remember for your next visit." She looked at them intently as if to contradict Sarah's implicit profession of heterosexuality. Both Sarah and Brittany could feel her vibes palpably.

At this, the already shaky Sarah started crying again as Brittany was led away. She sobbed, "Bye...bye...I'll call..."

"Send some Thai food," Brittany called over her shoulder, her usual aplomb in flagrant working order. "And, for God's sake - stop crying!"

Sarah wiped her face with a Kleenex, sniffled and turned away.

(Same old - same old...she felt with sadness, the lightning distance Britt could conjure within milliseconds. While they were kissing, there seemed to be a fresh new intensity that resembled hope. Britt had left her feeling unsure.)

***

LATER THAT MONTH, BRITTANY pushed a wide broom through the prison kitchen. When the guard looked away, she inspected the food cabinets. She made excuses to take a look at the contents of the walk-in refrigerator and the large freezer room, making a possible recipe list in her mind. She felt that their supplies had potential - far beyond the usual instant mashed potatoes and canned vegetables. She well knew even spaghetti could be infinitely dressed up.

They had huge blocks of fresh USDA cheddar - which was only rivalled in taste overseas in England. There was a lot one could do with that.

She thought of a recipe for cheese calzones using their instant dough - that cheddar and a finely marinated red sauce. Fresh garlic was available. They had a huge spice rack. Now, all she needed to do was get a promotion from the cleaning crew to the cooking crew. She placed the broom and her cleaning utensils in a closet and started scrubbing their large pots and pans and oversized metal baking trays. The prison cooking staff entered the huge commercial kitchen and began making the evening meal. As she scrubbed the pots from lunch, she leaned over and suggested that the cook shred cheese on top of the instant dough used for baking the dinner rolls.

The cook seemed to warm to her, so she gave her some suggestions for meatball preparation. The cook let her help press the meatballs in the new seasoning and brown them in a skillet with fresh garlic, butter, olive oil and onions. The scent was turning heads in the community room annexed to the cafeteria.

A guard came over and tapped Brittany on the shoulder. She turned away from the trays of meatballs with a brilliant smile expecting a compliment from one of the staff. Her smile evaporated when she realized the touch had come from a guard whose face looked neutral and disinterested, perhaps a little perturbed. The guard said, "You know, you're not on the cooking staff, hon. You have a call. Come with me."

Britt answered, "Oh, yeah, sorry. Sure..." She followed the guard to the public wall phone in the hall.

As soon as Brittany heard Sarah's soft pleading voice, she groaned and thought, It lives!! - a parody of the birth scene in some old horror movie. She was still high-up-on-it from her success in the kitchen. She was so cold that her face seemed frozen. She hadn't meant to sound so distant, but she felt that her life in Nashville was just not something little Sarah could fathom.

Sarah did not miss the groan and her voice faltered as she said, "Oh, darling, is this a bad time? I can call back later."

Brittany grimaced at the 'darling' and ran her hand over her face, letting out a loud sigh as she looked behind her at the busy kitchen, longing to be in the middle of all that. The inmates were lining up for their food. She exclaimed, "Shit..." quietly, covering the speaker of the phone with her palm. She hit the painted cement block wall with her fist. "Shit!" she said again - this time loud enough for Sarah to hear.

"I'm sorry..." interjected Sarah, her voice trailing off.

"Damn, Sarah. It's not you. I hurt my hand," lied Brittany impatiently.

"I'm so sorry. Maybe you should see the nurse."

"Yeah," laughed Britt. "You're right. I'd better go right now!" She added, "This time of day is not good for calls. I work in the kitchen now, so try not to phone around mealtimes."

Sarah said a quiet goodbye, sounding confused. Brittany grunted her assent and hung up, too.

Wasted phone minutes! complained Britt to herself as she sauntered into the dining area. The aroma of her lightly enhanced cooking filled her with satisfaction and she quickly forgot her frustration with Sarah. She looked around the hall and realized that it was unusually quiet. The hall accommodated slightly over one hundred ladies convicted of non-violent crimes - but Brittany was mystified over the reason for the quiet atmosphere. This was not something she had ever witnessed in the last few months of her sentence.

Meals were one of the few times that open communication between inmates was available. Talk, coffee and hot food was on every menu.

Britt was stunned. She walked up to the food line and smiled at the familiar server. She said, "A stark, raving, lunatic cup of Lipton's...straight-up."

The server smiled back and said, gesturing, "Come 'round the back here and make it yourself, lady. All I can do is give you the tea bag and a cup."

"That'll do. I need to sit down."

"Want some of your spaghetti?"

"Naw, baby. I had enough when we were cooking. Thanks. I hope it was a hit with the ladies."

"Can't you see? Look around. They love it! It makes me think you put a little magic in the sauce."

Brittany looked up surprised and answered, "Wow. I would love to be on the cooking crew."

The server answered, "I don't think you'll have a problem with that. You can always help out when you clean in here, like you did today. Far as I can tell - all the official kitchen crew are fine with that."

Brittany hummed with happiness at those sweet words. She let the fact that the contentment in the dining hall was due to her cooking sink in slowly, with amazement. She took her cup and tea bag over to the hot water urn, forgoing the invitation to make her tea in the kitchen, brewed her tea and sat down next to one of her roomies. The hot tea flooded her senses with purpose - and a scalding shot of raw caffeine.

Her roomies held hands under the table. They were arrested together on a minor drug charge and didn't let prison get them down. They were suspected of being cocaine dealers but only had two joints on them when arrested. They were given a year in minimum. Recreational marijuana was still illegal in North Carolina.

There weren't many open lesbians in Nashville. But these two women were - sort of. All the inmates knew they were partners. They had to hide, though, if they needed a hug. Brittany knew they made love in the bunk next to hers, which isn't easy if your bare feet stick out. She didn't mind it.

She had thought about their movements under the blankets, Well, love is love.... The thought still made her laugh. That is what she thought of her daughter with Carmen, and she liked the warm fuzzies it gave her. The two women across from her actually made her miss her home in Piney Knoll - the forest, the lakes, the birds - her daughter's horse... she thought ruefully, It was that beautiful Palomino that put her in here.

Her attitude towards her daughter's hardly unexpected lesbian relationship was mostly C'est la vie. Live and let live...etc.

She liked her lesbian roomies better than any of the other inmates or guards. They were friendlier, smarter, more resourceful and never even tried to bully her.

She extended her leg and touched one of the women with her foot under the table. She grinned conspiratorially with her. The woman smiled back and gave her a thumbs up.

Brittany felt closer to the gay community since Rose had come out to her. She found some reconciliation with that and her fears for Rose's future, which now seemed resolved. She sipped her hot rocket juice. The powerful caffeine made her left arm shake. The last thought she had was that she knew she had been jealous of her daughter and that she had been accused of having an overbearing attitude.

She knew, too, it was not just job efficiency that prompted people to say she was pushy. The women's voices echoed around her in the big grey cold cement block hall. She felt suddenly dizzy - then she fainted flat on the floor, fading in and out of consciousness.

Everything in her mind swirled into bits of broken colored glass in a kaleidoscope of confusion. Out of this came the incongruous lyric, Who knows where the time goes? She laughed out loud at nothing as somebody picked her up off the floor and put her on a wheeled gurney. Then, everything went black.

***

BRITTANY'S HEAD HAD bounced off the unforgiving concrete floor and her MRI showed she had a mild concussion. She was prescribed a week's bedrest in the infirmary under observation. She saw double for a couple of days.

One long morning, during visiting hours, Brittany was watching the shadows on the wall, feeling a little dizzy. The radio was playing a gentle Samba, she was sitting up in bed sipping a glass of water - surrounded by white everything - no longer oppressively stark but melting into a softer mid-morning sun. She realized suddenly that there must be a window behind her. No one had come to see her, and she didn't expect anyone to. She couldn't turn her neck to see behind her. She couldn't ask anyone.

In pops a little breeze filled with a whiff of White Diamonds. Brittany sniffed and turned her head slightly to look. She straightened up in bed and said to herself, Ah, shit. Here comes the Fourth of July! as Alfie teetered in on six-inch stilettos.

Too bad fireworks would not be experienced the way they are meant to be. Not here, she thought. In Nashville fireworks would sound like gunshots, not holiday fare. She watched Al smooth his dress and continued thinking, That's one way to get the attention that one might crave. She grinned at Alfie, trying to croak out a hello.

Alfie gave a tiny finger wave in greeting and fell into a chair like he was exhausted. He said, exhibiting his wild psychic ability, "Well, Billie said it was all ladies, so I dressed for it." He continued in a perfect girly voice, lisping attractively, "It's one way a girl might get the attention she craves." He giggled and winked at a female guard who smiled back shyly, figuring Alfonso was a lesbian. You really could not tell he was male at all. His makeup was subtle and perfect. His figure was slender and curvy. In fact, he was a perfect woman, except that he wasn't.

Alfie was kick-ass gorgeous as a girl. His lips and legs were shapely and sleek. His lipstick red dress was short and sexy. His bling was perfect, sparkling with subtle Herkimer rhinestones, and a few tasteful splashes of gold.

"Monkey see, monkey do...always there to imitate you," commented Alfie with a light laugh, observing the admiration of Brittany and the guard.

After Brittany caught her breath and determined she would not laugh, she said brightly, "Nice to see you Alfie."

"Just thought I might entertain you on a long, boring day, darling..." Alfie crossed his long sleek legs, dangling a leg, twinkling, adjusting his skirt modestly. He continued, "I figured a spot of beauty would cheer you up."

"Oh, I'm happy enough. I didn't faint from some secret sorrow. I was exhausted. It was a physical thing. I hit my head."

"We all do. It's life. One hard knock after the other."

Brittany had to laugh. Alfie was such a kind-hearted soul...an impetuous imp, but, ha, she liked him.

They chatted inanely for a little while. Then, the conversation turned to Rose and Alfie could not continue to carry tales the way Brittany wanted him to. He was trying to be her friend but refused to side with her in anything negative.

He said quickly in his high lady voice, "No. No, Brittany, no negative vibes. I just cannot do that." He paused and excused himself, getting up to go to the bathroom. Brittany worried that he might use the women's.

Alfie went directly to the women's guest bathroom, of course, why wouldn't he? He knew he looked way too feminine to use the men's. Not a day he wanted to get beat up by some weirdo local redneck. Not that any day was.

As he swung the bathroom door open, he was surprised by Lt. Jones in full uniform. "Hey, you!" he said cheerily. "Coming to visit our prisoner?"

"Oh, my God, Alfonso Hernandez! What?!--"

"My day to dress up, honey," said Alfie, laughing and rubbing Jones' shoulder. "Like it?" He twirled around gracefully, showing off his slender figure and bling.

"Have to say I do. You look exquisite."

"Can't tell at all, can you?"

"No baby. You are lookin' good all over."

Alfie paused, inhaled and said, "Jeee - sus! That woman just spews ire and confusion! We come all the way out here to console her sorry ass after she overdoses on caffeine and falls flat on her face and all she can talk about is whatever snoopy thing about her daughter she can dredge up."

"Just don't get it on your pretty dress. Let it go. Wipe it off your mind, Alfie. She's in transition."

"Yeah, from frozen gelato to human being. That is if we are lucky and she doesn't morph into some elaborate monster," commented Alfie sarcastically.

"She's got some time to think about it," quipped Jones tersely.

"From dominatrix with verbal whips and chains to ... what? I mean is that state of being legal?"

"What? Her prison sentence went through the courts...so yeah..." added Jones.

"I know that. The whips and chains..." lisped Alfie quietly.

"If it's consensual and does no bodily harm."

"Only in Bumblefuck, North Carolina..."

"Take it you don't like S & M."

Alfie giggled and said, "You could say that. It messes up my clothes, hair and makeup, so I think I'll pass on that. I meant Brittany's attitude."

"Ah, come on, Alfie. We all know Brittany can suck, 'kay?"

"Rita, I sincerely, hopefully not mistakenly, believe that we need to find a way to get along. For Rose's happiness if nothing else. You must remember I am related through Billy."

Jones and Alfie finished in the bathroom and walked back into the infirmary.

Brittany felt a breeze again and remembered her frustrating search for the invisible window. A window! That close! She tried to turn her head but couldn't. Her neck did not revolve, it seemed fused straight ahead. She moved slightly to her right and shifted her entire body towards the source of the light. The effort made her dizzy. She stopped seeing clearly. Everything went fuzzy. She thought she saw two shadows walk into the room. She swore she heard Margarita Jones talking with Alfie. Then, she just swore. After her sentencing she had thought seriously about never seeing or talking to Lt. Jones ever again.

Brittany groaned audibly when the shadows became real and she sighted the lieutenant in full uniform. Jones pulled up a chair and sat down next to Alfie. She reached over and patted Britt on the arm, saying, "Heard you took a big fall. How's the head?"

Brittany heard Jones' voice echo through a blue and pink fog, she replied, "Hurts..."

"Can you see this?" asked Rita Jones as she held up two fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Brittany lost it and said, "Give me a few moments. I can barely see you. Sure you're really there?" Britt swept her arm to the side. Jones stepped up and caught her hand. Brittany said, "Shit!" and Alfie laughed, of course.

"Getting crowded?" asked the lieutenant cynically with a smirk that Brittany could only sense but felt and rabidly disliked. She felt hemmed-in and pinned down like a dead insect. Then, to add to the uncomfortable visit, she felt someone pinch her arm really hard.

"Hurt?" asked Jones with a huffing snicker. "Imagine, then, if you can, how your daughter felt when you rejected her for all those years because you thought she was lesbian! It's not old news. That's why you are here. At least pretty much so. Your behavior denoted a profound lack of respect."

Brittany started liking her prison crew a whole lot better than her present company. She craved her roomies. She burst out with, "I never ever rejected my Rose! How dare you!"

Jones came back with, "What the hell do you want anyway? How should I feel as a lifelong friend of Carmen La Pierre and a lesbian myself? Oh, my God! I got the impression in the past that you thought women die from lesbianism. Listen, Brittany, you're here to make a turnaround. Make a change. You must feel the need for that.

"Rose is not your job - she's your daughter. You can't plan her life as if it was a section of your appointment book. You're too manipulative. You treat kin like they're a part of your event-planning organization."

"I know - I know," responded Brittany, gritting her teeth painfully.

"You will..." answered Jones firmly.

***

SARAH ATCHISON WAS enjoying a long drive in Brittany's truck. She got a few good songs on the radio and really got an emotional connection. Her cell buzzed. She pulled into a small rest stop and saw that it was Billy.

She picked up her cell and said, "Hey there, Billy," surprised at the call. She connected her Bluetooth earbud and turned the volume up so she could continue her drive and talk at the same time. She was on a large interstate highway, but the traffic was light. She put on her Ray Bans and headed into the sun, thick stands of pine flashing by on each side.

"So...I know where you are going," said Billy.

Sarah had a coughing fit. The introduction to We Will Rock You by Queen intruded. The pounding rhythm of the song shook the erratic cough out of her. She settled own and cleared her throat. Catching her breath, she looked down trying to avoid the glare of the too-bright sun which she couldn't help driving into.

"Listening to the radio?" asked Billy.

"Oh, sorry..." answered Sarah turning volume down from the swooping roar of the raucous music - however thrilling. She didn't need any excess thrill right now.

The large fortress of Nash County women's prison came slowly into view. The facility was set on top of an expansive hilly lawn.

"I had to see her. She fell and is under the doctor's care. It's mildly serious," commented Sarah.

"Mmm...Alfie and Jones are already there," said Billy.

Sarah fell into a pit of depression as she realized she wouldn't be able to talk to Britt alone. The she did something she generally never did. She pulled over and dug into the truck's glove compartment and found a joint she knew Brittany had stashed there. There, on the shoulder of the highway, she lit up as the vehicles in the closest lane whizzed past. She took a deep toke and breathed out with relief. Billy seemed to be doing something else and waited patiently until she spoke again.

Ahh, she thought to herself, finishing the joint, putting out the roach. She turned the music up again and pulled back onto the highway. Nash County loomed in front of her, its presence blocking out the sunlight almost ominously. She felt her stomach lurch. She wished, so very much, that Brittany was not there, and business was going as usual.

She remembered that Billy was still on the phone and looked at her cell. She noticed he was still waiting patiently on the line.

"Billy?" she inquired.

"Uh..." answered Bill. "Sorry, I didn't realize the phone was still on. Fell asleep - party last night."

"So, you said Alfie and Jones are with Brittany."

"Yeah. I'll see her later - couldn't wake up. Alfie left a note."

"I wonder what made him visit? I didn't know he cared all that much."

"Alfie's always been the sympathetic type, an empath. He feels that Brittany needs sympathy. His empathy sometimes bewilders me. He's out to convert her from homophobe to friend. It's an idea I can't really share...unless it works. But, being a gay boy with more cultures than a tiny, delicate body like his can hold together at one time, he can't help it - something propels him. He's a wild angel. He's my angel. He's sure Britt can be a friend." Billy paused for an emotional beat, then continued, "He's so very loving..."

Sarah responded, equally emotionally, "I love Brittany too. I just pulled into Nashville. Bye, buddy, I have to go. I'll call you later. The guard's coming over."

"Bye, then," said Billy.

Sarah clicked off and powered the window down. She really wasn't looking forward to a crowd of visitors around Brittany. Not that prison was known for privacy or alone time with loved ones. That was part of the punishment, she knew.

Sarah was okayed by the guard and drove into the Nashville parking lot. She walked to the main entrance and went inside the enormous building, intimidated. She was searched and escorted through the long halls of Nash County Women's and they entered the infirmary. She took a moment to recover from seeing Alfie in full drag, something Bill had forgot to tell her about. She pulled up a chair and smiled brightly at Brittany who was looking beautiful but painfully overwhelmed. Sarah immediately felt sorry for her and helpless to change anything.

Knowing Britt had at least three more months to go in her sentence, Sarah really didn't feel Brittany deserved to be locked up at all for her unauthorized use of Rose's horse. Whether Holly was Brittany's or not. But Jones was sitting right next to her, so she stifled her feelings and said nothing.

She felt frustrated by the other visitors. Why did Alfonso have to dress as a transvestite?! Why now was it so important to him to wear fragrance and feminine attire?

Alfie sensed Sarah's disapproval and put his hand on hers, whispering breathily into her ear, "Honey. I had to. My feminine side came out this morning when I looked in the mirror. I so want Brittany to know the real me."

Sarah still a little appalled, thought, Now?! Why now?

"I want her to like the real me..." Alfie echoed, a little louder.

Jones heard the last remark and gave a short laugh, hitting her shoulder against Alfie's naked, pretty, smooth shoulder

"Yeah, sis," she commented. A whiff of Alfie's fine perfume hit her nose. She smiled. Sarah moved her hand. Alfie giggled in his perfect girl voice saying, "Sorry. Just had to share that."

"Share what?" asked a slightly ignored Brittany, feeling miffed at the secretive communications between her visitors.

"Hi, Sarah," she added warmly, glad to look at someone that seemed to be focused on her.

Sarah brightened, reaching over and attempting to kiss Britt on the cheek.

"Ow!" protested Brittany. "My head! My neck! Everything hurts! Be careful!"

Sarah withdrew, ashamed, apologizing profusely. She bowed her head so that no one could see her eyes - not wanting to see Brittany writhe from the stupid thing she had just done.

"Oh, God," she mumbled to herself and twisted her fingers around nervously.

"Je-sus, Sarah. Don't fret so..." lisped Alfie, reaching over to pat Sarah's back gently. She relaxed but still wouldn't look Britt in the eyes.

"Sorry, Sarah. I just can't move well. In a couple of days, maybe. I'm glad you came to see me" Brittany actually cracked a sincere-looking smile. She continued, "I really am. You are so sweet to care and come so often to cheer me up."

Sarah looked up, visibly relieved. Surprise and happiness slowly started glowing in her face, she answered eagerly, "Just ask me for anything. I'll be right here on visiting days. I'll bring or send you whatever the prison administration will let me. I took care of all your appointments and meetings. Just call me or write." She took a breath, her face reddened, framed by her blonde hair - blue eyes sparkling. "You don't have to pay me. I have savings. I'm fine."

"Whoa - whoa," exclaimed Rita Jones, still cynical and ready to push Brittany as hard as Britt used to shove Rose and Carmen around.

Brittany broke in with, "That's okay, Sarah. I'll reimburse you for everything when I get out. I promise. You can't just take care of my house, horses and business and not get paid. I appreciate your dedication. You can even use my truck if you need to."

Chagrin swept Sarah's face. She replied, "I drove it here. My car's in the shop."

"Not a problem," retorted Brittany.

A surprised silence enveloped Jones, Alfie and Sarah. Except Sarah broke the tense silence by laughing a little bit. She seemed happy enough with Brittany's kind words. Even embarrassed, Sarah was pretty and sincere enough to make strangers stutter when they first met her. Now, her happiness shone a light even brighter than Alfie's. That was a natural for her and made her glow with Brittany's praise.

Sarah became more animated, which seemed to make Jones noticeably silent. The lieutenant had not expected Britt to do well in prison. Upon entering the prison, Jones had stopped by the administrative offices and gotten the scooby on Brittany's status in Nash County. It was good.

Her friends - their friends (Alfie and Sarah) were supportive and seemed to be locked in a group hug. Jones had come prepared to lecture to a prison failure and was curious that Brittany had seemed to have done just fine here in lock-up. It actually made her a bit sullen. She really wanted some revenge.

The lieutenant got up and shook Brittany by her blanket-covered foot and waved goodbye. "Time for the real world. Gotta go to work. Early shift today. My sergeant needs some rest, I'm sure. We're prosecuting several cases, so we're processing evidence for court. Bye, honey. Be good. We'll talk later." She said not a word of encouragement to Brittany.

Brittany broke into a rather intense conversation between Alfie and Sarah and croaked out a, "Bye - thanks for coming..." waving vaguely at Rita's retreating back. No love lost between those two women. Brittany had not forgiven Lt. Jones for putting her here. They had known each other for a long time, so maybe there would be a time for that. Britt was nursing a grudge and it made her feel like a justified rebel. The chip on her shoulder made her sit up straighter in bed when she thought about it.

Jones was miffed but thought Britt was taking her hard knocks well. That's why she had advocated sending her here. She'd keep an eye on her. She had to admit Brittany was a pretty good cook. It was a good direction. Rose's status was going to be interesting if Rita had her way, things were in need of change.

Rita started humming, A Change is Gonna Come to herself.

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#

10| Love is like a Flower

***

AFTER LIEUTENANT JONES left, Alfie looked at his watch and looked at Sarah. He decided with a huff of breath to take his royal leave, gave Brittany a quick, illegal kiss on the cheek and bid the two women Adieux. He sashayed out the door ensconced in another florescent plume of White Diamonds, clicking his stilettos down the silent polished linoleum-tiled hallway.

As the infirmary door swung shut, Sarah reached over and caught Brittany's boney, cold hand, warming it with her own.

She said, "I miss you so much...spending the whole day going around to different women's groups, travelling."

Brittany laughed cynically and added, "Well, honey, you'll just have to wait. Even with good behavior, it's another three months. Absolutely no Holly for dressage without asking - ever. I double-dog promise..."

"Shit. Over such a small thing!"

"It has a long history. The judge was right. I needed to take a step forward." Brittany tried to turn her head and grasped Sarah's soft hand tighter in her useless effort to move. The guard noticed the touch but let it go and turned her head back to her paperwork.

"Ow!" exclaimed Britt in frustration with her stiff and painful neck. She practically had to limit herself to looking pretty much straight ahead, only seeing Sarah by moving her eyes sideways. It was very awkward.

"Oh, Brittany, don't move. Here, I'll move my chair so you can see me without straining yourself."

Brittany's eyes lit up when Sarah's face came into focus. Sarah took Britt's hand again. The touch gave the young P.A. an odd, unfamiliar thrill. She broke her gaze and looked away from Brittany into the sunlight coming through the window behind them. A flush of confusion flooded her mind.

Brittany noticed her reaction and never skipped a beat. In fact, she gripped Sarah's hand more tightly and pulled it closer ...onto her blanket-covered leg. She commented (quietly, so the guard at the door wouldn't hear), "Sarah, I've never had a Personal Assistant like you. I'm not sure I've ever had a friend like you. Even Rose's biological father left before he knew I was pregnant. I usually call him a sperm donor. I skipped a day or two with my pills because I was hopeful. At least, I could get a baby out of whatever that relationship was. There just wasn't enough love." Britt cleared her throat and continued, "Tried marrying a second time and that didn't work out much better. But, by then I had my little Rose."

Sarah replied huskily, "Yes. There is Rose. Children make so much of a difference. I like her. You did well. She is very talented, just like you."

"Sarah...I know I'm too hard on her. I just wanted to protect her. She is everything to me."

Sarah hugged Brittany gently and said, "You're very loving. Perhaps..."

"I know, Sarah. I know what's wrong. Being here, I have come to realize that she's an adult now and I must learn to listen. It's a difficult lesson."

Sarah's warmth towards her and her comforting touch seemed to awaken Brittany's deepest feelings. The tenderness in her gaze even excited her in a way that had not happened to her before, especially with Sarah. Strength seemed to grow within her body. She felt like she could focus. Her head felt better, and her vision cleared. She could even move her neck a couple more inches.

Why? she asked herself. Why should I feel this way? She's only my employee. A good one, but only that. She's here because I pay her.

Suddenly Britt felt exhausted, drained. Her eyelids flagged. She sagged back into her pillows. She tried to speak and look up at Sarah, who now stood over her, still holding her hand.

"I'll go," she said, appalled that she might have made her friend sicker. Brittany looked pale and wan. She moved to kiss her good-bye on the cheek, but Britt moved her face so that Sarah's lips landed on her open mouth. She managed to lean to one side and throw an arm around Sarah's neck, pulling her closer. Sarah responded with her tongue, playing softly with Brittany's quick, urgent movements.

The guard had gone out for change of shift. Brittany knew exactly how much time she would have...about sixty seconds. The next guard wasn't so nice about touching - both the guards' simultaneous absence and the previous guard's sympathy with lesbian inmates was against protocol, but it happened regularly.

Brittany could see the door over Sarah's shoulder. She put her hand on Sarah's breast, making sure there was no doubt as to where Brittany wanted to go from there. Sarah intensified her sucking on Brittany's tongue and leaned into her in response.

If guard #2 saw her and Sarah, she could lose her kitchen privileges. She heard the door and quickly moved away from Sarah.

Sarah backed away from Brittany slowly and silently as if she had seen a bear.

"Not with this guard." Britt whispered in explanation of her sudden withdrawal. "To be continued..." she added with a characteristic non-sequitur. Her wit has transformed into something warmly conspiratorial. "Shit, Sarah. This guard's a witch. She has a heart the size of a dime - so small, she can put it in her wallet."

Sarah coughed and covered her mouth with her hand as she sat back in her chair. She worried that her lips were red and swollen, which happened when she French kissed anyone energetically. Brittany and Sarah had been French kissing very energetically. The heaviest kissing Sarah had ever had.

Guard #2 walked in, squinted at the two women sitting at an appropriate distance and said, "Hello, ladies. How are we today? Feeling better, Ms. Oliver?"

Brittany answered with a lop-sided smile. "Friggin' couldn't be better, Officer!"

The guard smiled back at her, ignored the swearing, and sat down at her desk. She commented, "That's good. You must be healing up. Be back in the kitchen soon, eh?"

"Yes, ma'am," answered Brittany enthusiastically.

Sarah used their conversation to wipe her messed-up lipstick off with a Kleenex. Brittany used her hand and did the same, looking a little like the Joker in Batman movies when she was done. Faint smears of lipstick still showed in a ring around her mouth.

Thankfully, the guard was more interested in her coffee and paperwork and didn't seem to notice a thing.

Sarah's eyes were sparkling with love. She was close to crying. Brittany's eyes never left her.

"We'll be together soon, Sarah," she said under her breath.

"We will," responded a transformed Sarah, wistfully. Her eyes beginning to mist.

"There is no such thing as privacy here, unless you're a sneaky lesbian inmate and can grab some on the sly."

Sarah's eyes teared up at the word lesbian.

"...And we're not both inmates - so there's no privacy at all, unless there's a friendly lesbian guard like the last one. This one here's not a lesbian. She's a little sloppy with the rules but not openly friendly."

Brittany took note of Sarah's crumbling emotional state and continued, "I love you, Sarah. I think I've loved you since the day we met. Don't you worry, things will be all right. I'm pretty good in here and we will be in touch."

Sarah gave Brittany an adoring look and wanted to touch her...soooo bad. But she dare not. She moved away. For a moment, she had a feeling of being frozen, cold and immobile, as if in shock. She looked at Brittany as if she was a stranger. She caught herself and smiled a stiff smile at her and the guard.

As she walked past the guard at the desk, the uniformed woman looked up and said quietly, "Stayin' in the shade doesn't make you less gay..."

Sarah answered, startled, "What?!"

Without waiting for an uncomfortable discussion, she moved quickly out the door. She caught herself and turned to smile at Brittany, trying not to send too much obvious love. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy not to feel.

She looked down at her feet. She couldn't feel them. She knew she was moving forward down the halls, through the check points. The male guard escorting her was only a shadow at her elbow. There were no words. They hadn't spoken.

Sarah didn't know if her brain could say anything. Her mind was numb. She knew she hurt. Oh, fuck, she thought. I took Britt's truck! All the memories of her with Brittany in that pickup came flooding back. They were great memories, but she was walking away from what seemed to be her new love and memories were nowhere near enough to her present reality.

Sarah was not used to thinking of herself as a lesbian but that was a paper tiger compared to the separation she was facing. The love she needed to be close to...

The ghost of Brittany was sitting lightly in the passenger seat - looking intently at the radio dial like the real Brittany. Sarah started the truck and reached through the cloudy mental image of that chimera, opening the glove compartment. There was at least one more hidden joint in there. Brittany didn't like marijuana, but Sarah didn't mind a toke now and then. This was now.

She carelessly pushed the apparition out of the way, lit the joint, took a long hit and offered the joint to the completely non-plussed ghost of Brittany.

Sarah spoke to the spirit, "Here," she said, lost in the same dream that this memory-ghost had come from. The ghost made no move to accept the reefer. Sarah laughed once and finished it herself.

***

SHE DROVE INTO THE falling dusk as the streetlights in the small towns along the highway came on one by one. The sky seemed more filled with early stars than she could ever remember seeing. She forgot about the ghost in the passenger seat. Her subconscious knew that the chimera of Brittany couldn't be real. Her heart knew she had left Brittany behind bars miles back. Her heart felt a nameless loss.

Every familiar thing she passed as she got closer to her home seemed different. The music from the truck radio meant something more than usual. She almost got lost driving the back roads near Brittany's house, where she had her own apartment. She drove these roads every day. Despite that, she kept forgetting where she was. The farmhouses, fields and forests didn't look familiar.

She pulled up at home and parked the truck in the darkened garage and walked into the house. What she saw in her mind as she entered the living room was an image of her and Brittany working closely together at their desks. Her hanging as close to Brittany's shoulder as she could - then touching.

Jeez, she thought to herself. It was only a kiss. Then she remembered Brittany's words, I love you, Sarah. I think I've loved you since the day we met.

Brittany was not known for her mushy romantic comments. She must have thought about this for a while. Sarah smiled to herself and sat down in an easy chair, grateful for the soft fabric surrounding her. She thought, with more anxiety than hope - there might be a promise. A future together with Brittany? She shook her head. She knew she had feelings that way and had for a long time.

She needed to talk to someone. She needed advice. But who could she trust? It couldn't be Carmen or Rose - they were real lesbians. Shit...and Brittany's kin. Uh, oh - no way. Who then? Billy was Carmen's relative.

Ah, yes! Alfonso!

She thought he might be a little on the light side sometimes but had frequent flashes of brilliance. Yes! She felt she could talk to Alfie. He might keep her confidences.

Sarah was hungry and exhausted, but she couldn't eat or lie in bed. She went to her apartment, took a hot shower and changed her clothes. She felt refreshed but still at a loss. She went into Brittany's part of the house, walked around taking care of the numerous house plants. She watered and misted the spider plants and mini roses. Her mind relaxed. There she was, still the Sarah she was before.

Before what? The kiss and the promise? It all come flooding back. Sarah collapsed in an easy chair with the spray bottle still clasped tightly in her hand. She let it drop to the floor, bounce and roll.

Burying her face in her hands, she was reminded of how close she felt to Carmen and Rose. She loved their flowers and greenhouse, too.

She had always gotten along with Rose and had several of her paintings including a watercolor of Tater, Rose's big brown Maine Coon cat.

Repeating Tater to herself, she passed out in the chair, falling asleep.

She awoke about an hour later at the sound of her own snoring. She looked around the dimly lit living room for Rose's cat. She didn't remember why she was sitting in Brittany's living room. She lost it for a second and realized Tater wasn't there and Britt was in prison, locked up for at least another three months. She gasped out loud when it all came together as her eyes focused and her conscious mind kicked in.

She felt like she had been drugged, then remembered she had smoked two joints earlier in the day. She rubbed her face and stretched. It had been a very long time since she had smoked marijuana - and it felt like it. She had the chills thinking about everything this day meant to her.

Then she did something else she never did. She made a pot of Kona coffee, Raven's Brew, the strongest coffee Brittany had. She took her mug back into the living room and turned all the lights on. The night was a dark indigo, a few bright stars shone through like beacons in the heavens shining on the path that led through the wild grasses. The shadows of the small forest in front of the house grew across the front lawn. The pastures beyond that were obscured by the changing twilight over the patches of snow the day's sun had left behind.

Sarah sighed and took a sip of her coffee which was mixed with dollops of guilt-free whipped soymilk, ginseng and honey. She put her feet up and fell into a deep inner silence - projecting herself into the middle of all that she saw out that big front window. She would let her mind wander and then be pulled back into the stillness that pervaded the coming night.

She hadn't eaten all day. The hot soy in her drink was good, but she thought a sandwich would go well with it. Too lazy to forsake this moment's peace for that sandwich, she just sipped her latte until it started to go cold. Soy latte wasn't too shabby at room temperature, either. Her mind still wasn't on food, though. Part of her job here involved cooking Brittany's meals when she was too busy herself. She could make soy latte in her sleep.

***

A WAVE OF SUDDEN HAPPINESS washed over her. A wave of hunger stampeded at her just as quickly. She laughed to herself and finished her cold latte. She sighed, got up and made that sandwich. She padded around the dimly lit kitchen in her socks, glancing out the window at the burgeoning sky starting to fill up with a full display of astronomical delight. Her heart lifted as each new star found its place in the map of the sky.

She ate her sandwich standing up at the kitchen counter, not finishing. Heating more coffee in the microwave, she rubbed one foot against the other.

Sarah didn't recognize herself emotionally. It was as if she had been lifted through the sky to some unknown planet that didn't have a name. She was tired...sleepy after all the driving. Two hundred miles in one day - plus all the drama. But there was a light behind all the tiredness.

She took her coffee out of the microwave with a mug-cozie and sauntered slowly back to the big floor-to-ceiling front window, sagging into an armchair. She was on an emotional roller coaster - not all of it pleasant. She swore to herself. A pit of absence kept echoing within her as if she was an empty oil drum. This feeling interrupted her sleep, hunger and the giddy hope that welled inside her chest.

Boom...reality bites.

She finished the half-eaten sandwich she had absentmindedly brought from the kitchen and let the drumroll of depression walk by her rather than giving into it. It was an almost visible gray cloud flying over her shoulder.

"Fuck it all," she said to no one. She needed that silly wise boy, Alfie. She trusted him intuitively. She knew he would have plenty to say. He was the most sensitive person she knew. Flippant but apt. She touched her cell phone tentatively, felt a rush of fear and pulled her hand away.

The thought of putting all her feelings into words was something she wanted to share with Brittany - only Brittany - right now. She knew it was after hours in Nashville. She couldn't text. There were no cell phones allowed - no external internet in the prison, so she got one of Brittany's notebooks and started a letter. After the first 'I love you so much, Brittany' she put her pen down and dropped the notebook on the floor.

She picked up her cell again and pressed the pretty lady icon next to Hernandez. While it was ringing, she held her breath and looked around Brittany's living room at all the familiar things. She breathed out. The fire was flickering in the fireplace, warming her legs. She put the wireless lamp dimmer on low.

Alfie answered with a soft, "Hello?"

Sarah's mind stuttered and she could only say, in a choked voice, "It's Sarah."

"Thought so from the icon. Long may she wave..." responded Alfie with a little cough. "You okay? You sound like you have a cold."

"No," answered Sarah, smiling to herself. "I'm not sick."

"Got something to share, sister?" added Alfie amiably.

Sarah had to laugh but her embarrassment prevented more than a cynical snicker. She still had some doubt about confiding in anyone. Her family? No way. She would be trashed. She said, "You can't discuss what I'm going to tell you with anyone."

"Not even Billy-san?"

"Not even."

There was a long deliberative silence on the phone. Then, Alfie responded with a cheerful and curious, "Okay. There are some things one might want to keep private. It'll stay between us girls." He giggled in a warm and reassuring way.

Sarah relaxed. In her mind, she could feel the pressure of Alfie's hand on her shoulder. She remembered the way he had been the only one of Rose's circle to reach out to Britt when everyone else had been angry with her antics. He had saved the holidays this year.

There was no doubt in either Sarah or Alfie's minds that Brittany was emotionally brittle and defensive. But both of them had breached that hard exterior and had seen something else. Something deeper.

"Of course," said Sarah. "You might be able to discuss this later. Things change. Right now, though, it must remain a secret just between the two of us."

"Um," answered Alfie. He figured that he could guess what the big secret was. He had broken the code. He thought, No. Little Sarah's not sick...she's gay! He paused and sucked in his breath quietly, thinking, And guess who with?!

"Sure," he continued enthusiastically rubbing his hands together mentally, warming to the expected revelations, ready for the best local gay non-gossip ever. He had always liked Sarah. He thought her gentle ways and thoughtfulness were just what Rose's mother needed. He thought putting a muffler on the crazy shit was totally the right thing to do. Sarah could do that. In fact, she usually did. He thought of the line in Hey, Jude - "Take a sad song and make it better." They were alike, he and Sarah. He had pulled his love, Billy, from the endless gay men's parties. He had pulled him into his arms and made him his alone. He held his breath again.

Sarah went on, "Brittany and I..."

Alfie interrupted, "I knew it. Y'all fell in love in the prison infirmary. How romantic!"

Sarah almost dropped the phone. She thought with dismay, It was that obvious?! She replied out loud, "Yeah..." deflated by Alfie's acuity. She really thought her love for Brittany was more of a bombshell.

"Sorry," answered Alfie, noticing her disappointment at his reaction. "Takes one to know one. We'll have to get together and talk. How about tomorrow around noon? I'm cooking."

Sarah responded enthusiastically to his invitation to lunch the next day. She was heartened by his kind enthusiasm and was sure he'd keep his promise to remain silent.

"Oh, just peachy, hon...I would love to make you my new recipe for fondue," said Alfie, sending a happy emoji to her text.

"Thanks, Alf," said Sarah, sincerely.

"So, what is it, sister Sarah? I can't wait that long. There must be more."

Sarah swallowed hard but was determined to continue. She answered, almost in a whisper, "I'm a lesbian. You know it's Brittany. We kissed. I think it's real. I...I just need to see you. I'm nervous and unsure, wish Brittany was here."

"That's tough, lady. Long distance is the worst. But, baby, daddy's here. I'll help..."

"Oh, Alfie! You're the best! I knew I could count on you."

"For evah...hon. See you tomorrow. Get some sleep." He added, "If you can..."

"Okay, Alfie. Thanks, buddy."

"For sure. Bye..."

Both friends clicked off. Sarah yawned, feeling much better, comforted that someone was on her side and had her back. She fell asleep in the chair, the lights turned down and the fireplace a red glow. She watched shooting stars across the dark N. Carolina frosty winter sky as her eyes closed.

***

BRITTANY TRIED TO SLEEP that night in the cold prison infirmary. Her thoughts raced ahead of her. She rolled over on her side and jammed the pillow over her head. "My life for a cell phone," she mumbled softly to herself. She thought of Sarah and a single tear rolled down her cheek, wetting the pillow. Regardless, she tossed and turned. Someone put a warm hand on her back and scared the shit out of her.

"Whaaa...?!" she exclaimed, throwing the pillow and blankets off onto the gray cement floor and sitting up suddenly, facing whoever that was. She said, as loudly as she dared, "Oh God! Theresa! Don't do that!"

Her roomie answered, "Hey there, it's only me. You looked disturbed."

"Yeah, I was, and you almost gave me a heart attack, girl!" Brittany smiled despite the scare and continued, "Can't sleep."

"I noticed. Something you need to talk about?"

"Yup. You might say that."

"Wait a minute. The guard's coming for bed check. I'll be right back," responded Terry, looking over her shoulder at the light coming down the hall, listening to the footsteps clambering to their dormitory door. She threw Brittany's blankets and pillow at her and jumped under her own covers just in time to complete their look of normalcy before the guard's flashlight headed into the room.

"Shit," said Brittany, her voice muffled under the blanket she had shoved over her head. The Doppleganger to guard #2 from the infirmary approached her bed and pulled the blanket down off her, shining the light rudely in her face so she could check her presence on the clipboard in her hand. Brittany squeezed her eyes shut.

It didn't fool the guard who commented, "No lesbian hijinks here, madam. Understand?"

Brittany acted surprised and answered with a grunt and a yawn.

"What?" asked the guard.

Brittany fluttered her eyes open to the glare of the guard's flashlight. She squinted and said, "Yes, ma'am." She stretched and added, "I'm not a lesbian."

The guard huffed and threw a strand of her long hair over her shoulder with a cynical laugh, saying, "Shit happens..."

Sure does, thought Brittany, rolling back on her side, away from the guard's peering eyes and obnoxious flashlight. She moved on. Brittany sighed in relief.

Her sense of relief didn't last long. The proof is in the pudding. Nothin' happenin' here, thought Brittany in a spate of mental cynicism. The thought made her hungry. She was always hungry here. The word pudding made her think of Sarah, too. That made her hungry in a different way. She reached down between her legs. She sublimated her emotional longing with a rush of sexual energy. She came and the hurt went away as she fell sleep. Reaching out in her mind, she searched for a warm touch. She drifted into the fantasy of her dreams. "Sarah!" she called out from her subconscious.

***

THE NEXT DAY, ALFIE was busy all morning. Rose and Carmen were taking the day off from the Green Goddess. Their Living Decor winter business had a waiting list of businesses wanting their greenhouse plants. They had a long list of places to survey and figure out what kind of light and settings were available for their different planting arrangements.

Despite all that, they had decided that they'd take an extra day. It was well worth it. At noon, they were still in bed. Shep had obligingly trotted downstairs, happy to join Billy rather than get continuously kicked out of bed.

Carmen and Rose were busy wrestling with the covers. In her favorite place, with the sun glistening off her back, Rose leaned on one elbow, looking down at Carmen breasts, belly to belly. She examined Carmen's eyes, running her hand over her neck, bending in for an aromatic kiss, feeling the sweet softness, breast to breast. Reaching up, she fondled Carmen's silky silver and auburn curls.

Her other hand gently traced a familiar sensitive path between her legs. Carmen moved her hips with the motion.

A loud banging coming from their front door startled both women as the dog began to bark. The music downstairs was turned up as the banging continued. It was a move both Carmen and Rose knew well. Billy and Alfonso had also taken a day off from the ranch and obviously didn't want to answer the door for more obvious reasons. Carmen and Rose groaned simultaneously.

Carmen said, "Oh, God. Not again!"

Rose answered, covered now but still snuggling on top of Carmen. Her speech felt funny, her chest vibrating against Carmen's flesh with every word. She said, "Can't be Brittany, she's still locked up." They both breathed out at the same time, realizing their subliminal defensiveness. They laughed at the same time.

"You hope it's not Brittany..." commented Carmen. "Wonder who would do that?"

"Mmm..." said Rose, tickling Carmen on the side.

"Stop!" laughed Carmen, rolling and pushing Rose off.

"Shit!" they both said together as they heard the volume of the music lowered and the front door open.

Alfie said, loud enough for the two women to hear, "Oh, shit! I'm sorry. I wasn't watching the clock. Lunch is ready, darling...come in!"

Tired, Rose and Carmen made love again and fell asleep.

They awoke about an hour later at the sound of Alfie and Sarah talking in the next bedroom.

"Carmen," yawned Rose, rubbing her eyes. "It's Sarah. Listen..."

Carmen's eyes opened and she paused, hearing Sarah's voice through the wall. "Sure is, honey. I can't believe she'd bang on the door like that, though. Wonder what the hell is so important?"

"Oh shit, Rosie. Did you hear that?"

"Uh, no. what?"

"Sarah's talking to Alfie about being gay."

"So? We're all gay."

"Yeah, but she isn't."

"Be quiet. I can't hear..."

The two women fell silent. The cold winter afternoon washed over them and made them shiver. They craned their ears to pick up the muffled conversation.

"Why would Sarah be talking about gayness?" asked Carmen cryptically.

They looked at each other. Rose spluttered a grim snicker and said, "No way!"

Carmen exclaimed quietly, "You think Sarah came out?!"

Rose laughed some more, "Never know. Just a guess..." They both continued to use the thin inside walls of their home as an intercom and listened to the conversation in the next room.

Turned out their bumbling guess was a good one. The two women listened open-mouthed to Alfie and Sarah's conversation, holding each other, laughing occasionally.

Alfie said, almost inaudibly, "Sarah, close the door - come, sit here..." There was some shuffling around, and Alfie continued, "So...honey...you think you're gay?"

Carmen elbowed Rose in her soft ribs.

"Ow!" she responded on the gust of a whisper. And continued by breathing wetly in Carmen's ear, "You think you're gay?" as she kissed her lightly.

"Ssh," said Carmen.

Sarah answered Alfie's question, "I never..."

"...expected to fall in love with your mother," whispered Carmen at the same time Sarah said, "...expected to fall in love with Brittany."

Rose responded with a snide, too-loud, "Fuck!" She continued with, "I don't need this."

Carmen was more contemplative in her reaction. She answered Sarah's statement with, "It might be a good thing. Your mother might learn how to chill."

Rose snorted into Carmen's arm. They laughed. Life was so much freer with Brittany locked up. They had no fear of being interrupted or intruded upon. It was sad but true.

Sarah was a butterfly to Brittany's fire-breathing dragon. They were pretty much opposites. But together, they might create something more livable, like Yin balancing Yang. Or a fire-breathing butterfly.

Rose could see Carmen's point and hugged her as they continued to eavesdrop through the wall. Carmen reached over for her weed pipe. They smoked until a blue haze hung over their fascinated faces. They hit each other occasionally as Alfie or Sarah said something juicy and familiar. This was Sarah's coming out. It would be hard not to run into something familiar in what she was saying. They shamelessly felt no guilt whatsoever as they continued to listen.

Sarah's anxious voice rose slightly as she questioned Alfie, "You won't tell anyone, will you? Rose could hate me. I couldn't handle that. I've always admired her and Carmen. They're so strong, so creative." Sarah hesitated as her voice faltered, "So...so in love..."

Carmen and Rose rolled over to face each other - gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Rose looked away and whispered, "I don't hate you, Sarah. We'll make this into something beautiful. Like you..."

Carmen kissed the part in Rose's sweet-smelling hair.

Mmm...it was beautiful wasn't it? Like us, thought Carmen.

|  |

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# 11| Ring of Fire

***

Winter raged on, making the cold, gray cement floor of Nashville Women's even colder and grayer if that was possible. Gray, mostly windowless, walls - gray floors and a gray life. Brittany had been released from the infirmary and was back in the kitchen whipping up her culinary magic with a cloud of flour rising in a halo around her.

She had decided to make sweetened squash popovers from scratch. Of course, in her absence, the kitchen had overloaded itself with way too much buttercup squash. She had to reach for imaginative recipes to delight the inmates. And she did. They loved her food. She even received a few handmade cards welcoming her back to the pots and pans.

As soon as she had gotten back to the kitchen, the prison administration had promoted her from cleaning staff to cooking staff within a few days. Her surprise dishes and kitchen economy attracted prison staff who came over for samples (and full meals) when her signature scrumptious cooking smells hit the Nashville air system.

She was hot. Too many eggs and a shipment of USDA cheddar meant large pans of heavenly cheese quiche. There was enough left over to stow in the walk-in freezer for a potluck treat on leftovers day. She knew how to plan weeks in advance by buying larger orders of fresh produce than necessary when on sale. She renovated the freezer, so her popovers, lasagna, quiche and frozen soup-stew stocks had plenty of shelf space.

Every visitor's day, she and Sarah expressed as much intimacy as they could under the table. Sarah assured Brittany that their relationship was entirely private except for Alfonso. She gushed over her friendship with Alfie. Brittany was a little more critical and warned her not to be too naive.

She knew that Alfie's positive influence and Sarah's trust in confiding in him was important right now. Neither Brittany nor Sarah had each other to lean on. Alfie had bridged the resentment between his household and hers sensitively and warmly when feelings were hot, and conflict was close to the surface.

Brittany supported Sarah as much as she could for one hour twice a month and a smattering of weekend phone calls. Their calling card usually read: "Will you accept a call from an inmate at Nash County Women's prison...Brittany Oliver for Sarah Atchison?"

Sarah knew pretty much when the calls would come. In between calls and visits, she wandered around the house, cleaning...listing things to fix...touching Brittany's belongings, memories welling up in her mind and heart. Tears welling up in her eyes.

***

IN NASH COUNTY WOMEN'S, Brittany would take time when she was free to re-read and run her hands over Sarah's old letters. She held them to her chest. She could feel her heartbeat through the paper. Any chance she had she threw herself into creating the most succulent dishes any small cafe (let alone a women's prison) could want. Her from-scratch pizza gave the most dejected woman inmate hope. She showed the old cooking crew how to see their supplies in a different, more efficient, way. Spices were used to create a striking but harmonious balance in an enhanced multi-grain dough. Dough could be frozen for breads, rolls and pies. Extra fruit could be blended, and the puree used to sweeten cornbread or muffins. And puree could be frozen. She knew no one could tell that she had cut way down on their white sugar by using much tastier combinations of banana, pear and some honey.

This was all new to the kitchen staff. Considering the tasty end results - there were no complaints and no competition. Instead, the radio played the latest hits and there was an intensity and curiosity that had been missing before Brittany Oliver's appearance on the scene.

There was harmony. The Nashville kitchen was a sanctum sanctorum - and the most sought-after job in the prison. Brittany was forced to print out her recipes and pass them out to interested inmates. There was no doubt she ran the kitchen - whatever her official title was.

Every day, she worked herself until she was exhausted, until she had no time to think. She didn't want any time to think. She only had one thought before she fell into a deep slumber at night, Sarah...

Awake, she was a nervous wreck - a frenzy of activity, one continuous dynamo of energy. Asleep, she welcomed the numbness that dreamlessness brought. Sleep was soma. The darkness swept away her yearning.

Sarah was the same but had moved into Brittany's part of the house. Not literally, her things were still in her own apartment. But she slept in Brittany's bed and wandered the entire house during the day. Wander is the absolute right word. She was a bit like a ghost, touching her fingers to each object that she treasured, as if she could feel Brittany's body within that touch. She could visualize Brittany bending over the fireplace in her white terrycloth robe, hair still wet from the shower, adjusting the logs. She could hear Brittany banging around in the kitchen as she watched the afternoon news on the flat screen in there.

She cleaned the house, watered plants and took care of the livestock. She brushed the horses and let them out into their paddock as she cleaned the stable. In other words, business as usual.

But she would listen. Brittany could get early release at any time. So, she would alert at small changes in the light. Some shadow or a creaking floorboard would send her heart racing. She would look up towards the light with an expectant smile on her face. One of the horses almost stepped on her foot when she was distracted like that.

***

IT WAS AS IF BRITTANY knew, somehow, that Sarah was just a little absent-minded - she would lose her train of thought momentarily. The kitchen crew swore they saw a light hovering above Brittany's head. They named the light "Sarah" behind Britt's back and gave her a friendly elbow in the ribs to bring her down to planet earth.

A few of the kitchen crew were lesbian but all of them knew what separation could do and Brittany's new relationship was no secret. Their relationship advice flowed around meal preparations.

There were no fights in Brittany's kitchen. Even the more aggressive guards were gentled by the new menu. In other words, if they wanted any of the new offerings in the kitchen, they had better be nice to the cook.

Some of the guards stopped bringing their own lunch or ordering out. It became a thing with the prison administration to go to the inmate kitchen and get a tray. Brittany tried to make sure that something special was made on payday, famous for being a day most of the prison workers ordered out. The administration's standard joke about Brittany was, "Nobody wants to parole this woman. The better her cooking - the less likely she'll get early release."

Kitchen fights between inmates were just as unlikely as a mean guard. No one wanted to fuck with this game. As for Brittany, some of this support helped and some of it didn't. The night guards stopped shining their super-high beams directly into her face. It was against protocol - but they stopped. She way didn't mind that. They gave her a couple extra minutes for her phone calls. Her showers always came first before anyone else - so she got as much hot water as she wanted.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was still prison. The guards laid off their homophobic comments. The general inmate population was quieter about the other lesbians as well.

Brittany spread her magic throughout the eating hall with some help from the prison administration. She was able to get seasonal paper decorations and dessert plates to dress things up a little. The decorations were only burnt down once, which was a good record here. Some of the art and craft classes made table pieces in origami and wall hangings from fabric. Most of the women were happy to show off their talent and kept some of the angrier inmates from tearing anything up.

Some women were just plain happy for the first time since they had been imprisoned. They were always hungry for some taste of normalcy or home - good cooking fit that need and the decorations were their thanks. Many inmates submitted their own suggestions and recipes in the new suggestion box nailed to the wall outside the kitchen. What a little creative freedom could do was complemented by a new Therapy Dog program. Brittany wanted a kitten but changed her mind when she volunteered to play with a new black lab puppy. The dog insisted on running around the room once, crawled into her lap and fell asleep.

Bojangles. That was his name. And he did dance. And sleep. He never woke up even when the main trainer came to see how their play was going. Britt just laughed and said, "Little Bo seems plumb tuckered out. I think your training session this morning must have put him on command overload. I tried to keep him awake but he couldn't handle it. Sorry...maybe later. He seems like a good dog."

The head trainer took him, still asleep. She turned to Brittany and asked, "Sure you don't want to join the program? You can have this dog. He is a good dog. He's still a little babyish. But he should be easy to train." The trainer laughed and continued, "When he gets enough rest."

Brittany was taken by surprise. She had no idea she could take him to the dorm. She answered, "Uh, shoot, yeah, I want him. Can I take him now?"

"Sure. Just put him in the puppy room if he gives you any problem or you can't take him with you to the kitchen or wherever. We'll train him from there and you can pick him up later when you're free. He'll sleep on your bed or underneath it in a doggie bed. Keep him tied if he needs it. Your job right now is to take him to the dog run at regular intervals. You can use puppy pads by your bed, too, but we think he will learn to wait for his walk. The pads are just for accidents. Think you can handle that?"

"Yeah. I think so. I don't mind taking him to the dog run. You'll give me his food and water bowls?"

"Of course. We'll bring all his supplies over to your dormitory. Here he is..." The trainer handed the soft black bundle of fur to Brittany. Bo stretched, opened his little black eyes and yawned with a squeak. Britt kissed his warm round head as he snuggled into her arms. It was love at first snuggle.

"We'll start adding training hours as soon as you've bonded with Bo."

Brittany looked down at Bojangles sleek, warm, shiny black noggin and squished him into her chest. She didn't know about 'bonding', but this was definitely love at first sight.

"Okay," she said. "Just let me know when you want to schedule something. You have my kitchen hours."

"Will do..." answered the head trainer as she handed Brittany a sheaf of papers that outlined the dos and don'ts of the training program. How to handle the puppy successfully was a requirement of the program. The outline was easy and was mainly a bonding prep at this point, more to come later in the dog's training.

Brittany was left alone with little Bojangles who slept with an occasional snort, finally waking himself up again. He lay on his back, rolling his eyes up at her with a twinkle. She kissed his nose. He wagged his short tail against her inner arm.

"Not so prison right now, is it baby?" commented Britt to the puppy.

Bo puffed his cheeks out as if he agreed. He flicked a ripe pink tongue out at her. His eyes sparkled in amusement and affection.

"Oh, yeah..." said Brittany, feeling a rush of love for the first time since she had kissed Sarah. She shifted the dog, so his head was comfortably over her shoulder, and his fat baby belly against her stomach. He didn't wiggle or protest and molded himself to her. She took him to the puppy room in the morning and picked him up again after her kitchen duty was over.

She carried little Bo slowly to Dorm A (otherwise known as the 'Lesbian Assholes' or 'Dorm Gay', where a great wealth of prison talent semi-respectfully resided.)

Not everyone was gay in Dorm A but mostly it was an unspoken muscle rule not to bother the gay women there which was enforced by a couple of lesbian guards and a lifer or two not to be fooled with. It was their way or the highway. If you didn't like good food or gays, you didn't live in Dorm A.

Brittany had to pause frequently on the way back to her bed so that all the admiring inmates could pet Bo and ask questions about the Therapy Dog program. She had been told to be patient with curious inmates and report aggressive ones so they could be watched or worked with. The inmates that qualified could get their own dogs and join the program.

So far, everyone seemed more than copasetic with little goofy Bo. Her dorm mates broke out in twenty shades of "Aww..." when she brought him over to her bed area. She noticed that there was a new cabinet next to her bed with all of Bo's things in it. There were toys, puppy pads, dry food, dog cookies, bowls and bottled water, etc.

***

EVERYONE TALKED TO Alfie. Sometimes he liked that and sometimes he didn't. Anyway, Hernandez was a walking grapevine. Well, Carmen and Rose had pushed this to the limit by hearing him through their bedroom wall. Then, he had become an unintentional grapevine loudspeaker. Now, the two women had to decide what to do with what they had overheard.

They smoked a joint over it out in the greenhouse the next day, sitting on two overturned plastic buckets, afraid to say anything in their room. They didn't need their thin, hundred-year-old walls revealing their conversations. Rose had commented that this had never happened before, so she was pretty sure that Al had pulled a couple of chairs up to his new desk, the bed being further away.

Carmen answered, "More than possible, Sherlock. We'll tell him."

Rose said with a smirk, "I'll make sure they both know. And they'll know that it means we hear them loud and clear."

"We can knock on the wall if it happens again. That'll work as an early warning system."

Rose smiled and said, "We could insulate. Saves on the heating bills too."

"Mmm..." replied Carmen, "Maybe after winter."

Rose leaned her elbows on her knees and bent forward towards Carmen, and spoke, "The question is, how do we tell Alfonso that we know? You know..."

"This is sensitive, even if it involves your mother."

"Damn," swore Rose. "I've always liked Sarah. I used to wish my mother was more like her. She's so warm, genuine, understanding - calm."

"The exact opposite of your Momma horribilis."

"Seriously..."

"I wonder how that works?"

"We'll find out."

"Maybe we can stop talking to your mother and just deal with Sarah. Like exclusively..."

"Bingo. I was just thinking the same thing."

"Never happen. It's just too good a plan."

***

AS IF CALLED BY A FAR-off star, Alfie peeked in the greenhouse door and waved at Carmen and Rose who were in the back by the potted mini-Catalpas and blue Osiglia roses. They sat knee-to-knee facing each other and startled when they spied Alfie looking in.

Alfie smiled at them innocently and took their recognition as a sign of welcome. "Hi, babies! Hope this wasn't too private!"

Rose looked at her sneakers and commented under her breath, "Not too..."

Alfie pulled up a bucket, and said, "So what's the scooby, girl-to-girl?"

Rose got close to Alfie and touched her left knee to his, and said, "Gotta tell you, Alfonso. Don't get hurt." She paused significantly, then went on, "You're not a girl." It was obvious to Carmen that Rose was totally dissed over the news about her mother. She was not ready to welcome her into the lesbian community. Not now. Maybe never. She seemed to want to take it out on poor little Alfie.

Alfie frowned. His small face seemed far away. He called himself back reluctantly. "Okay," he said, looking into Carmen's eyes for support. Carmen looked away from him.

He continued in a tiny voice, "This is about me, isn't it? You're just beating me up over something. Gonna tell me what it is?"

Rose looked up at Alfie's sad face and felt the full impact of her heartless words. She hung her head and ran her hand through her hair saying, "I'm so sorry Alfie. You're beautiful just the way you are. I love you, girlie boy." She paused and hugged Alfie, continuing quietly, "...And yes, this meeting out here is about you." Alfie pulled away, but Rose grabbed him and said, "Wait! Don't worry about anything. We'll tell you everything."

Alfie looked sincerely at the two women with a little tear tracing a line down his fuzzy cheek. "Okay-y-y..." he commented unsteadily. Looking in askance, his thin, waxed eyebrows knit together in a small worried frown.

"It's not you," said Rose, trying to soothe him.

Alfie replied, "I thought you said..."

"Yeah," said Rose. "It's about you, but there's more to it."

"Doesn't sound good," said Alfie.

"It's not bad."

Carmen interrupted their intense moment with, "It depends on how you look at it."

Alfie started to balk at the continued mystery. He said, cynically, "Is it the infamous IT of Steven King's novel?"

"Not hardly, honeybun. We heard..." said Carmen.

Rose said to Carmen, "I'll tell him." She turned to Alfie and continued, "It's complicated."

Alfie responded, "I gathered that. Let 'er rip, girlfriend."

Carmen stood up preempting Rosie, and said, "Okay. Here it is, Al. We heard you and Sarah through the bedroom wall"

"Oh, my God," exclaimed Alfie, putting his hands up to his face. "How?"

Rose snickered and replied, "It was easy. You were talking too close to the wall."

Alfie shook his head, saying, "It must be the new desk. You weren't supposed to hear that! It was private! What am I going to do now?! Sarah will kill me!" His voice rose to a crying pitch, "Or worse! She won't be my friend anymore!"

Both women laughed at this. Rose replied, "Sarah wouldn't kill anyone! She's a marshmallow. Besides, it was an accident. You didn't want us to hear - and we didn't want to listen."

Holding his head, he said miserably, shaking visibly, "She doesn't need to know about this. Does she?"

Carmen answered, "We were thinking the same thing."

Alfie's expression brightened considerably. He said, "Yeah! She can't know. It's sensitive. She'll think I betrayed her trust. That just can't happen."

Rose pulled Carmen back down to her white plastic bucket seat. She continued, "So, we know Sarah has a crush on my mother."

Alfie responded, "Oh, honey! It's so much more than that!"

Carmen added sort of roughly, "She thinks she's in love with the charity organizer from hell. As far as I'm concerned right now, that is just a thought. They have to make that real for me." She shuffled her feet in the gravel base of the greenhouse, still standing.

Rose added, tongue in cheek, "That's an oxymoron."

Carmen snickered and said, "Only when one of them is a moron. You'd think Sarah would know better."

Rose replied, "Did we?"

Carmen drew back, a tad shocked. She said, "Uh, really Rose, we're rational adults. Brittany is not a citizen of that realm."

Rose responded, "It's true my mother is not known for winning prizes in logic or normalcy. But..." Rose smiled at Carmen and kissed her quickly on the cheek. Then, she turned to Alfie like she knew he would understand. Like wind over water, Rose's feelings rippled throughout the greenhouse. They knew what she was going to say before she spoke. This was a very serious, intense negotiation.

Alfie spoke first, "Like a good cook, you wear out your potholders every Christmas and have to get new ones. If you've never done that, you wouldn't know what kind of intensity that represents."

Carmen frowned a little and said, "Hunh?"

Al continued, "We all know about Rose. She'll forgive. She's a good cook metaphorically speaking. I know she'll figure this out. It's time for something new."

Rose looked at her friends with sparkling eyes. She said, "Thank you Alfie. I guess you know me pretty well. Yeah, I'm happy for Sarah and hopeful that she can soften my mother's attitude. Maybe even heal my relationship with her. She might just be what my mother needs. She just might be the hell what I need too, a sword to combat Brittany's aggression towards me. She's not that far from my age. That helps."

Alfie clapped his bejeweled hands, flashing his beautiful gold enameled fingernails, and replied, "Yesss...I think she is!"

Carmen basically growled out her reply, "The question is - is Brittany just what Sarah needs?"

"Or anyone?" added the mercurial Rose.

"We'll find out. The proof is in the pudding," said Alfie. He continued, "The thing is that you two need to act like you don't know."

Carmen said, "That's why we're out here, Alfie. Maybe we should just tell her we know and all the stuff about the thin walls."

Alfie responded vehemently, "Oh, no! I promised! We should try and keep this to ourselves until she feels comfortable talking to you about it herself and comes out to you when she wants to."

"Hmm..." mused Rose. "I agree. What about you, honey?"

Carmen answered, "Fine. Shouldn't be too hard to do."

Alfie's face lit up radiantly. He said, "Wonderful! Mum's the word."

Rose commented dryly, "Ya' don't say..."

"Ha," he laughed. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," said Carmen in a reassuring voice. "We won't say anything."

Rose nodded and patted Alfonso's delicate shoulder (difficult to see how he could be a champion cowboy with shoulders like that, but he was).

The three smoked a joint together sealing their pact of silence in the blue haze of mutual trust. They giggled a little over nothing, maybe some movement in surrounding leaves and budding flowers.

***

A COLD BREEZE ENTERED the greenhouse. Sarah stood in the afternoon sunlight squinting at the three friends sitting at the back of the building seemingly ensconced in exotic flowering plants. She knew they were smoking weed and talking. She saw their mouths move but didn't hear a thing except what was left of the winter wind rushing behind her and some rustling among the plants in response. The overwhelming scent of the different blossoms beginning to grow in the building made her smile. It was an almost unconscious response. She loved flowers.

She looked like a golden Madonna standing there, looking uncharacteristically confused, absent-minded and unsure in a place she knew well. She knew no one had seen her yet. She felt good just absorbing the silence around her. She considered backing away from this meeting. She took a step back and turned.

The three friends felt Sarah's presence rather than seeing her peering at them through the forest of greenery, half-hidden behind some large immature Anjou pear trees. A splash of yellow (her hair) was not unusual amongst similar colors in the foliage.

The icy wind shifted and sprayed Sarah's face with snow as she turned further away and made a move to go back to her truck. She shivered. Shep walked up suddenly and nuzzled her hand. She laughed and ran her hand over his sleek head. He wagged his tail and barked, leaning on her leg which was one of his endearing weird cat-like behaviors.

Rose squinted at the greenhouse entrance. She saw Shep and whistled at him. He entered the glass building and trotted toward her, making the plants sway as he wagged his feathery tail. She caught the wisp of a shadow move away from the open swinging door.

Carmen stood up and walked towards the door and her dog. "Got to fix that door latch. Damn! It shouldn't work itself open like that."

Rose added, "Or, honey, maybe it's your Brainiac dog. Shepard figures out a lot of things. He's found his way through a few locked doors before. How about the fact that he knows how to swing his chain collar off whenever the mood strikes him?"

"I told him, like once, to swing the chains off by the back door. Gets expensive constantly buying him super-sized collars!"

"He did it, too"

"Damn smart dog."

"Hunh...Malinois."

"Wolf. They all have some of that wolf heritage. Wolves are humans in short form."

They both saw the shadow move away from the glass wall, mostly hidden by the taller plants.

Carmen said, "Looks like there's someone out there..."

"Uh...huh..." agreed Rose.

Sarah, getting a little furry courage from Shepard, turned around and stepped through the harsh afternoon sun back into the greenhouse which was humid and pleasantly warmed by a wood stove. It surrounded her like a blanket of diffuse green light. She closed the door behind her. Carmen stopped and stood still, surprised and a little embarrassed - since they were right in the middle of talking about her. Sarah kept walking towards the three friends. Her usual aura of shyness made everyone silent, waiting for the explanation for her visit.

Sarah just smiled slightly, gave a small hip wave and said, "Hi..." Her pale face bright red.

Carmen pulled up a bucket, patted the overturned bottom and motioned Sarah to join them. Alfonso looked confused and unsure. He moved over to make room for her and gave Sarah an equally small hello, looking away from her, not lingering as usual to see her reaction to him.

Sarah sat down. She seemed shaky. Carmen put her hand on Sarah's arm to reassure her.

"What?" responded Sarah, pulling away, made a little paranoid by her touch. "What's wrong?" she asked, not wanting to know, fearing her secret was out.

"Nothing, baby," Answered Rose.

"We were just working out here."

"I just saw Brittany," commented Sarah with a small smile, which she immediately hid behind her hand.

All three friends said, "Oh?" in unison, as if this was truly fascinating.

Sarah looked excited and went on, "She's doing really well." She hesitated and laughed deprecatingly. "I mean she's so creative. It's still prison but she's training a service dog and practically running the kitchen."

Carmen said, "She has a dog in prison?"

Sarah answered, "It's not her dog. She's learning how to train it as part of a prison program."

Carmen snorted, "Sounds like a regular country club."

Sarah coughed and held up her hand. She said firmly, "Oh dear Carmen, it's dismal! I miss her so much but I'm happy when she is. She spends almost all day every day in the kitchen when she's not with the dog."

Carmen swore she saw a yellow butterfly glide behind Sarah's head. She rubbed her eyes and blamed it on the joint they had just smoked. She smiled to herself and thought with an internal laugh, Sarah is Little Mary Sunshine all righty!

"Bet you don't miss all the work," said Rose.

"It's funny. I do. I love planning events. I miss being Britt's shadow."

Carmen looked pointedly at Rose. Carmen spoke first, "...it must be like following a horse."

Rose pinched her soul into a flawless Grinch-grin and added, "...Yeah, and occasionally you need to deal with a lot of horsesh..."

Sarah interrupted Rose's words with an other-worldly laugh and a mean squint, "Hey there! I work for her. We're clear on our roles. I've always supported you and Carmen, you know that."

"Sorry," said Rose, suddenly remembering her secret knowledge, hiding her feelings.

Sarah misread Rose's body language and said, "Oh, no! It's not what you think!"

Alfie interrupted her and said gently, "Don't worry. I always understand you. We're listening. Go on..."

Sarah smiled, reassured, she continued, "I am in contact with Brittany as often as possible. I go to see her every visitor's day. She and I have gotten much closer despite our physical distance. I can assure you she is a different person. She doesn't even look the same."

Rose commented, "Oh, yeah. Maybe she's someone we don't know anymore."

Carmen took this as a joke and answered, "You wish..."

Sarah grimaced and replied, "It's not that. She's changed." She smiled at her friends and continued, "Her work in the kitchen is very fulfilling and she's in love with her new puppy, Bo." She added with a grin, "Love changes people."

The three friends exchanged glances. Sarah caught their meaning and avoided their eyes. "It's the dog," she said with added insistence.

"Dogs do that," said Carmen sounding as if she didn't mean it.

"Love does that," responded Alfie taking Sarah's had. "Doesn't matter what you love."

Sarah whispered something to Alfonso, and they stood up together still holding hands. Sarah said, looking down at Rose and Carmen, "It matters. I love all of you like sisters." She turned to Alfie and added, "We need to talk."

Alfie kissed her lightly on the cheek and led her out of the large greenhouse, the sun flashing through the glass walls creating a moving kaleidoscope of colors and shapes. This hard-earned greenhouse was another world entirely - like some special planet one could escape to.

Rose waited until they had left, then she said, touching knees with Carmen, "Damn!" She laughed without conviction, and continued, "This situation with Sarah and Brittany reminds me of us. We hid everything. Remember how we used to run from my mother? Me ditching out my bedroom window at midnight?!"

Carmen frowned and added, "Changing the locks on the house and installing a surveillance system."

"Including the barn..." added Rose.

"Didn't work worth shit. She got in anyway."

"Ugh. Do we have to? You know," said Rose swallowing hard, thinking about the memories. "I'm counting on Sarah to make Brittany grow up. Is it too much to ask that she stop being a controlling bitch?" She looked empty as she asked this rhetorical question. Carmen couldn't reply. Rose continued, "We'll see, I guess..."

Carmen needed to add, "Brittany and Sarah are either a match made in heaven or a partnership horribilis from hell. Maybe it will just be medium stinky."

Rose took a deep breath and patted an impatient Shep. She said, "I'm optimistic. Things have gotten so much better since Sarah has been working for mom."

Carmen responded with a short rough laugh, "Yeah. She stole your horse for the zillionth time."

"So?" said Rose. "That's only the horse. She got caught. Look," she grabbed Carmen's knee. "There haven't been any break-ins for years. You know Sarah didn't like it. I swear, Carmen, she stopped her! If Britt has to call me, she usually uses Sarah and that makes all the difference."

"Oh, shit, Rose. We both know this is the best thing that could have happened. Remember, love is love. That includes all of us."

"Honey," whispered Rose standing up with Carmen and scissoring her legs with her own. She opened her mouth in a kiss, "If wishes could fly..."

"I'd be a pilot," answered Carmen into Rose's mouth, kissing her hard.

|  |

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# 12| Queen of Hearts

***

The La Pierre household didn't have to wait past the first break in the weather to find out how life had changed because of Brittany's relationship with Sarah. It was the bright side of the moon on a clear night. The dark clouds had been blowing away one by one and there always seemed to be some light coming through somewhere.

Brittany appeared without warning on such a winter's evening, walking into her home and grabbing Sarah from behind as she cooked dinner.

She said, "Nice to have someone else cooking for a change."

Sarah gasped, dropping her spoon into the stew, trying to turn around to face Brittany. Britt held her hard, landing wet kisses on the back of her neck. Sarah gave up and crumpled into Brittany's arms, saying, "Oh...baby!"

Brittany responded, "I missed you so much..."

Sarah forgot about her spoon sitting at the bottom of the stew pot and managed to turn around. She said, "Why didn't you call?"

Brittany answered, "I got a ride from a guard. I wanted to surprise you."

"You did. You could have given me a heart attack."

They melted into each other's arms, running their hands under their clothes, feeling smooth, cool skin. Sarah began to cry and buried her face in Brittany's sweater.

Both women were small, under five feet and usually circa 100 pounds. Brittany had natural brown, wavy hair and Sarah had blunt cut her straight golden blonde natural do. The fit was sweet, soft and perfect.

They did not need words and made their way upstairs, their hearts and souls in tandem. Making love for the first time, their clothes scattered in a trail from the bedroom door, the lamplight in the room playing with their intertwined shadows, Sarah and Brittany lost themselves in each other.

They had known each other for a very long time, but not intimately. Feeling the depth of their knowledge of each other as women, they now entered a different shade of realization. A deeper shade of friendship as well. It was the first love relationship with a woman for both of them.

Everything was different from any lovemaking they had before each other. Their senses came alive. The smell of skin, their intermingled hair, the light in their eyes, their reflection in each other. Both had men in their past. This was different, like it had a mutuality in touching and feeling that had been missing. They moved in a slow dance - improvised and exciting.

Brittany's usual wariness fell away like a house of cards - card by card, tumbling off her past defenses more rapidly than she could absorb. Her feelings exploded. It was like coming upon an unexpected waterfall. The new sensations cascaded through her so deeply that Sarah overwhelmed her. With every one of Sarah's caresses, she found herself saying things she'd never said before, laughing, playing with Sarah's body - letting Sarah thrill her without inhibition. There was no pulling away.

Brittany began to laugh as both of them found ways to get even closer, deeper inside each other in every way possible. Sarah paused, looked down at Brittany's smooth naked curves and said, "What? What's so funny?" She had a tiny frown and an expectant smile.

"Nothing," said Brittany. "I love you, Sarah, that's all. You amaze me."

"Mmm...you..." responded Sarah settling back down into Britt's little muscular arms, her legs spread open, grabbing Brittany's legs between her own.

They lost awareness of the passage of time. The entire night passed this way until they fell asleep naked, entwined in the light of an early dawn - exhausted.

***

SOON, EVERYONE IN THE gay community knew Brittany was back. Rita Jones had given them a heads-up and told Carmen to turn the surveillance system back on during the day. "Just in case," she had added.

But there was nothing. Complete silence. Deep silence. There was no indication that Brittany had any interest in them at all. Despite the lack of contact, Carmen (and Rose, especially) would tense at the sound of a phone or knock at the door. But that never came.

Rose didn't want to call. Alfie got some scooby once-in-a-while since he was still tight with Sarah. Rose had not seen her mother for the entire time of her incarceration and had no inclination to talk to her, glad that she might have lost herself in Sarah and actually forgot about her.

At first, Britt's lack of intrusion felt weird. But on a daily basis it was relaxing and so peaceful that it felt like she was floating. Rose had never been this happy since she had first met Carmen. Her relationship with Carmen became even more intuitive. Carmen opened up to Rose about her past.

They had time to talk, ride their horses, revel in the greenhouse and actually forget to turn the security system on or lock the front door.

"We should make a state law that covers this sort of thing," commented Rose.

Carmen replied, "There are several, including a few on the federal level."

"really?"

"Problem is - they aren't enforced equally."

"Oh. That's what happened to us? That thing about what a restraining order really means?"

"Yeah. We were lucky, Jones has our backs - she makes sure that we have an ongoing de facto restraining order. She's ready to believe us at every turn."

"Carmen! We have a real restraining order."

"It'll only work if the local police and court system use their power to enforce it. We've got the lieutenant - she won't let go. She hates mother's attitude from way back. She has a payback attitude and I, for one, won't dissuade her."

"Well one good thing - Brittany the new lesbian - seems too preoccupied with Sarah to come up for air."

Rose giggled and put her arm around Carmen's neck, pulling her down on top of her as the soft cushions of the couch rose around their sides with the combined weight.

"Don't mind that..." mumbled Rose as she opened Carmen's lips with her tongue. Soft, wet, inside some cloud, finding her sense of privacy and safety deepening in her love for Carmen - feeling like they were alone - at last.

It was like the first time they had made love on a bed that first summer - ten years ago in the over-powering southern heat and unavoidable cloying scent of the syrupy Magnolia flowers. Their knowledge of each other had grown, so had their affection. There was always some little thing they could smile about together. They were perfect. In tune, in synch, familiar...and still wanting more.

***

THE NEXT DAY, THE SUN flashed brilliantly around the living room, changing angles as the wind hit the curtains. Carmen and Rose were still entwined on the couch, half-covered by a quilt. The fireplace was smoking, most of the embers gray and cold. They lay peacefully with each other.

Carmen's arm lay over Rose's exposed waist. They breathed into each other lazily as if this picture would not fade. No one at the door, on the cell, or even at home. Winter was fading rapidly day by day into something that exposed an occasional patch of cornflower blue spring crocuses and precocious tall wild grasses. The air was picante and fresh against their skin. Still there was no need to awaken.

***

WHILE ALFIE AND BILL were at work on the ranch, Alfie was texting Sarah all morning. She definitely did come up for air. Above her usual icon on his phone were the rolling words Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Alfie laughed to himself and answered as he sat astride his horse, "No one...no one...no one..."

Billy, who rode right next to him, asked, "Eh?"

Alfie laughed again and responded, "Oh, Billy! It's Sarah. You know Brittany got home."

"Lucky us. Yeah, you told me. So, what's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing..." answered Alfie continuing to text with concentration, his cattle horse slowly falling behind Billy's. As they trudged out to the field on a patch of newly exposed wild grass, Alfie would giggle lightly every few minutes. His horse even hesitated long enough to grab a mouthful of new grass with no rebuke from either rider. Billy shook his long auburn-blonde curls snug under his sky-blue cowboy hat and snorted. His horse bobbed its head in recognition of the sound and echoed the noise with a loud snort of its own.

Bill made a clicking noise with his mouth and pressured the horse's side, gliding into a smooth canter - anxious to get this early roundup done. The dairy had started milking before the cattle were released this morning. He looked over his shoulder at Alfie who was still alternately texting and trying to keep up.

Instead of waiting for him, Billy goaded his willing horse into a full gallop as they entered the field, tearing up clods of damp soil, wetted from the melting snow. The glistening brown and tan withers of his horse caught the sun in its vigorously groomed hair.

These two horses were not only great cattle equine (some of the best in Piney Knoll and the entire county) but they were show horses as well. There was no skimping on their care.

Alfie continued to dawdle, texting and talking to himself, smiling and frowning as each sentence appeared on his phone's screen. His horse was trying to move ahead, aware of its task, but Alfie would restrain him from cantering forward on the worn path to join Bill's horse. He neighed loudly. Alfie, frustrated, put his cell away and let the horse open into a grateful gallop, making it to the field in a few seconds.

"Well?" asked Bill when he and Alfie had herded the cattle into their respective barns and paddocks. This was just an early spring morning release to let the cows get outside for a few hours after spending the winter in the barn. It was not quite time for grazing. The horses, cattle, Billy and Al loved these early morning roundups. Both their faces were bright, cowboy hats sloppy to the side, sweating in the cold air. Clouded breath hung in the air as they panted from exertion.

"Um..." answered Alfie.

"...and don't say it was nothing," commented Billy.

"Okay. It was good news."

"Sarah and Brittany?"

"Of course. The world needed to change, Billy, my boy."

"So, what'd she say?'

"That Brittany is just a skinny little thing and that she loves her."

Billy scratched his head, swiped some seat away from his forehead and said, "That's something I wouldn't have seen before. Brittany might be small but..."

"She isn't doing that anymore."

"I would think things have changed since Sarah didn't run away screaming for help."

The two rancheros guided their horses into the stable, dismounted and bedded them down. Alfie gave his horse a kiss on the cheek and a pat, saying, "Good sweetheart. You did good today, my love."

He continued as he caught up with Billy as they sauntered outside together, "Sarah said Brittany has started to realize her relationship with Rose needs some changes. She told Sarah that she was actually embarrassed to visit or call her daughter. She's started accepting the fact that Rose felt she was mean-spirited and intrusive. Being gay now herself, she can see how small-minded she was."

Alfie took Billy's hand as they walked up to the bunkhouse for coffee break. He went on, "Brittany is beginning to see how painful her criticism of our gay household was. You know, I knew she was just being loud. I saw quality there. Sometimes just being nice when you don't feel like it gets better results than just reacting self-righteously no matter how right you are. Sabia que podia cambiar de dragon a mariposa con un poco de compasion."

"Translate please..."

"She realized she could be one of us."

The two men sat down to their coffee. Billy, feeling some pride in Alfie's sensitivity, said, "Now update me on the real Brittany, sweetie, not just your own observations. What's going on over there? The latest please, Alfonso."

"Oh, girl...We can't tell the girls anything. Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise..." responded Billy hooking his little finger with Alfie's sincerely, sipping his coffee.

Alfie leaned over the wooden table closer to Bill, lowering his voice, "Brittany is home with Sarah as you know. Sarah was laughing and she said, 'It's like Brittany didn't want to leave Nashville! She took a volunteer job there cooking on the weekends.' It also counts for her community service requirement. Jones really socked it to her. Sarah begged us not to talk to Britt before she's ready. Not that you're supposed to know any of this."

Bill replied, "Change comes slowly sometimes, angel."

***

"LET'S RUN AWAY..." said Brittany as she held Sarah tightly, her arms wrapped around her waist, both of them on Britt's huge double bed.

"Oh no, Brittany. We can't! What would Rose say?" She hesitated and then added, urgently, "Your probation, darling!"

"I don't give a fig what Rose has to say. She's probably happy enough not to hear from me." Brittany paused, then continued in a quieter voice, "I meant after probation. I served my sentence. The probation was pure Jones, but I know what I have to do."

"We still have the $50,000 fine to pay," added Sarah.

Brittany rolled away from her and said, "Ah, shit! I know! That was Jones, too!" She grimaced and huffed a short laugh, saying, "I still miss Holly. I love that horse."

Sarah raised herself up on her elbows, looking down at Brittany's flushed face, fresh from making love. She kissed her and commented in a syrupy love-soaked voice, "You can love her all you want but no touchy!"

"Yeah. I know I have to learn to see my little girl as a mature adult. Equality is giving me stretch marks."

"Let me see," laughed Sarah, flipping Britt's small body over to examine her hips. She commented, laughing, "I don't see nothing but fat..." She patted Brittany's butt jokingly and bent over, kissing her hip.

"Fat?!" protested Britt.

"Does the kiss make it better?"

"Mmm...usually. But I'm not fat. Come on!"

Sarah turned Brittany over again and kissed her stomach, laying down between her legs. She turned her head, putting her ear on Brittany's smooth skin. She closed her eyes and listened to the faint thuds of the harmony between Brittany's heart and her own. As their blood surged sympathetically, she felt an overwhelming wave of love with every breath they took together.

Brittany's words, "Let's run away..." echoed between heartbeats. Her words wandered around in her mind bouncing off walls of other thoughts that were more immediate and practical.

***

STILL IN THE LIVING room at noon, Carmen and Rose held each other, deep in a private moment.

"Not just anybody can be an asshole," said Carmen, as they discussed Brittany again.

"It takes some talent. I agree," answered Rosie.

"Who are we talking about?" said Carmen, losing track of the conversation.

"What, honey?"

"Aren't you listening? Move your hand. You're making me forget what I am talking about. Concentrate!"

Rose replied with a laugh, "I was concentrating...on your body."

Carmen moved her legs to let Rose explore. Remembering the trend of their discussion, she continued, "I have to say Nashville Women's did a great job on your mom."

"Damn, Carmen! It was not an operation. You sound like she had surgery."

"It was...open chest cavity...insert soul. Pure Jones. That's what it was. A Margarita Jones transfusion."

"Brittany couldn't sleep in her hell forever. Time to put out the fire and take a different road."

"You could say that."

Rose mused and replied, "Thoughts are things and I do think that - with the force of four to six additional people who think the same thing."

"Plus..." said Carmen into Rose's fragrant hair. She kissed her head.

"You know it." Rose pushed against Carmen's fingers and said, "Oh God, sweetheart..." and orgasmed. She laughed at their love-making conversation. Carmen could still make her cum just by looking at her. She rolled on top of Carmen and pushed her tongue into her mouth in a passionate response to her orgasm. The warm, moist tug of Carmen's lips pulled at her soul. Her hand reached between Carmen's legs to the smooth, soft hair surrounding the petals that opened to her touch, excited and wet.

There was no holding back. This was their time. The rush of silence in their house reassured them. Even Shepard was sleeping quietly outside in the back garden. In fact, it was so quiet that both women felt a release within them. Life had never felt better. Life without Brittany had never felt better.

Britt's road ahead would be, joyfully, without them. Or so they hoped. Billy, Carmen and Rose were still playing dumb about the relationship with Sarah. Only Alfie could act like he knew. They must devise some sort of signal for when the news could alight. A flag. Or something in Morse Code.

Carmen had thought about flying their huge Green Goddess rainbow flag when the lesbian reveal day came. Rose felt it was too unsubtle...crass and almost scary considering what the occasion was. A rainbow flag for her mother?! Aaagghh!

The Green Goddess flag was precious to Rose. Her dedication to their landscaping company had given her protection when her mother was pushing for some weird shit or the other. It represented sanctuary, everything that had protected her in the last ten years.

So, okay, she had thought more than once. She's gay with Sarah. Good. And so what? She thought her mother might crumble or turn into dust if she had to mature that fast. Grow up and give some respect to someone else. Yeah, someone else...her!

Despite Sarah's mild temperament, she had an inner core of intellectual iron. Her self-assurance was voluble. Rose thought it ironic that her mother seemed to crave Sarah's strength. Brittany Oliver the Independence Day Ice Queen needed someone to lean on!

Carmen paused and said quietly, almost in a whisper, Rose's fingers inside her, making her words come out in hushed spasmatic tones, "If she truly understands ... where she thinks she's going ... she might actually get there."

Rose raised her head and added, "I thought we did pretty well ourselves, floating like a boat on the ocean, drifting into love. Her Zen is her own. And ours is ours."

"A life raft. Lesbians are oases and life rafts," answered Carmen.

"I don't want her hanging onto my life raft anymore. She rocks my boat too much - and not in any good way."

"This is a terrible conversation to have while we're making love. Like, Rose, this is the one time we can feel alone in our own home...and we wind up talking about your mother! This is her entrance cue. She should be walking in - barging through the living room right about now."

Both women looked up towards the front door simultaneously.

"Instead we talk about her," added Rose with an anxious laugh.

"Like we miss her," chuckled Carmen into Rose's ear.

Rose belched, not bothering to hide it. She said, "Shit."

Carmen ignored her last comment, taking it for granted and replied, "I need to float in amniotic fluid."

"Hunh?" asked Rose with a confused look on her face. Her pretty, sleek eyebrows met, knitted on top of her flashing violet eyes.

"God, I need sleep," answered Carmen, yawning, thinking warmly of their night and day of lovemaking. She turned to Rose, kissed her and fell over sideways, facing the back of the couch and pulled a blanket over her naked shoulders. "I need to crawl back into a tummy and gestate," she finished with a snort. The sun began to cool and indicate the early afternoon.

***

LATER THAT EVENING. Sarah sent an invite to Alfie with an icon that looked shy, hand covering its mouth.

"We've always been friends," said Sarah as they sat down together facing Brittany's large sliding glass windows, fire crackling in the hearth.

Alfie smiled, flipping his delicate fingers (callused ranch-hands not) like a fan and commented, "Noticed..." His smile continued stretching into a grin. He reached over and patted Sarah's leg.

"Couldn't help wanting to be your friend since I met you," he continued in a soliloquy. He leaned forward and whispered confidentially, "You should have seen the girls when I went home for lunch today." He paused significantly to laugh and look down, embarrassed over this juicy bit but helpless to feel any guilt in exposing whatever it was. He trusted Sarah's judgment and had never been disappointed.

"Naked..." he continued. "Didn't even bother to cover themselves up. Right out in the middle of the living room. It was shameless." He giggled.

Sarah covered her mouth with her hand. But on hearing Alfie's revelation, she made a buzzing sound with her lips and flashed a smile with an explosive laugh.

"Nothing's wrong with being real," she said warmly, her straight blonde hair falling against her cheek - catching the fading sunlight as it peeked through Brittany's large glass windows. The two of them sat together knee-to-knee on the oversized curved couch, the fireplace behind them taking just a hint of spring chill out of the room.

Brittany walked in and plopped down on top of Sarah's thigh on the other side.

"Hi, Alfonso," she said with a smile in her eyes. "Aqui estamos, practicamente familiares..." She switched languages and added, "Speaking of which, what's up with the Rose, my daughter?"

Alfie laughed into Sarah's apprising eyes, both of them thinking about their previous conversation depicting Carmen and Rose's innocent love tangle.

Alfie managed to burp out his reply, "Nothing much...nada mucho.... Ellas estaban haciendo el amor en la sala la ultima vez que mire."

Brittany caught the look he sent to Sarah and caught her hand, putting it to her cheek, then her lips. She said through Sarah's fingers, "What were you doing watching them?"

Alfie turned red and said, "Couldn't help it. I just walked into the living room and there they were - ney--kkie as baby birds - not a feather on them, honey!"

Sarah moved her hand and smiled at Brittany. She laughed and said, "Oh well, everyone has walked in on someone at the wrong time at least once. We haven't been over to chase y'all upstairs recently."

Alfie flinched slightly - knowing full well that Carmen and Rose were downright intoxicated over not having Rose's mother around. They liked Sarah but had always hoped - even when Sarah was only a secretary - that she would be the one on the phone and not Brittany.

Not to miss a chance, Brittany bounced on the couch and said, "We should have dinner together."

Sarah answered slowly, "...sometime..." with a vague gesture. She gave Alfie a deep look and added, "...maybe..."

"Of course, we will," said Brittany, rather determined. "Should we bring Jose Feliciano?"

Sarah looked puzzled and said, "Eh? What do you mean?"

Britt laughed and nudged Sarah with her elbow, raising her eyebrows. She said, "We're coming out to them at dinner - right, honey?"

Sarah responded, "I guess..."

"You're not sure? Better to be upfront than letting them wonder."

"I suppose." Sarah looked at Alfie for help.

"You remember the Feliciano Christmas song...Rose and Carmen coming out?" he supplied.

"Oh, yeah," answered Sarah, turning to Brittany and saying, "Do we have to?"

"Yessss..." said Brittany. "We have to."

***

BACK AT THE RANCH, after listening to Alfie's story about dinner, Billy responded, "Oh no, not again!"

"Had to happen sometime. They're not going to hide it under a rock," answered Alfie with a giggle at his analogy.

"Hope their love for each other doesn't belong there. I mean under a rock."

"Oh, really, Bill-Bill. Don't think so. You should see them together. Brittany is a changed person. I think they really do love each other."

"Like real love...like what we have?"

"Yes, sweetheart...real love."

"Okay."

"It's like chasing an injured bird and finally catching it."

"Like she never knew what was best for her."

Alfie grinned and answered, "I think she knows now..."

***

THE NIGHT OF THE BIG dinner was a harbinger of summer - cool, succulent and filled with the scent of flowers, new ones poking through every day in cornflower blue, yellow and purple. An occasional goldfinch landed on local windowsills.

Billy and Alfie had been cooking all day, trying to keep the momentous reason for the dinner a secret. Both Carmen and Rose were more than usually curious about the elaborate dishes that the boys were concocting. It seemed to be no ordinary culinary preparation. They were in the dark about the occasion.

No one had a birthday. There was no holiday, yet the dinner seemed celebratory. Billy and Alfie created a beautiful buffet in the kitchen, complete with cut flowers. Thus, they avoided questions about the extra place settings that would have been necessary on the dining room table.

Night fell. Candles and a small fire were lit in the living room. It felt so much like the four of them were waiting for something, that Rose and Carmen were not surprised when the front door opened and Shep went bounding into the entranceway hall. But the women gasped when a beaming Brittany walked in hand-in-hand with a very shy, red-faced Sarah.

They expected guests. But this? Rose's anticipation of the feast ahead dimmed as her mother sat down next to Sarah on the couch facing them. She glared at Alfie - sure he was the irritatingly naive idiot who had invited them. No way would Billy have sprung that on her. Alfie laughed and squished in next to Brittany, putting his thin arm protectively around her shoulders in welcome.

He avoided Rose's eyes and said, cheerily into the air, "See? Here we are - one big happy family." Brittany, not known to be the touchy-feely type, leaned over and kissed Alfie on the cheek. She smiled audaciously at her daughter and Carmen.

Rose stood suddenly, saying, "Shit. You could have told me!" She stomped into the kitchen, letting the swinging door slam, followed by the dog.

Carmen looked at Sarah apologetically, guessing why they were here and determined to be civil. There was, nonetheless, a tense silence in the room.

Rose left the house by the back door, walking out to the barn with Shepard trotting after her. She grumbled to herself as she entered the big sliding doors. Holly and Maizie looked up and stamped their hooves, tossing their heads, ears erect in a sign of recognition, making huffing noises.

Rose walked into Holly's stall and leaned her head on the horse, petting her silky mane. She cried into her neck and asked the quiet horse, "Why? Why?" A sudden evening wind whisked across the hay-strewn floor and banged a loose barn door open. Rose looked up, startled at the noise and sighed. "I'd better go back," she whispered tremulously into the horse's ear.

"Damn it!" she said to the floor. She patted Holly again and turned away. Shep ran ahead again as Rose dragged her feet in the mud of the trail back to the house, reluctant to face this...

***

BILLY AND SARAH WERE serving themselves from the dishes set out in the kitchen. There were loud popping noises from the front of the house. Rose froze. It sounded like gunfire. She knew it! She knew this would cause violence! She thought, God! My mother just spent half a year with all kinds of criminals and insane people. Anything could happen! Maybe she shot Alfonso!

Rose stepped toward the noise and thought with a grim smile, Yeah, no more Mr. Nice Guy! That's what he gets trying to reform my mother. A bullet in the head! She ran, pretty sure her mother wouldn't shoot her, too. She hoped, anyway. She mused; She wouldn't have changed that much.

She trembled and stayed in the shadows of the hall, sidling up against the walls - all the way out to the big oak front door. She signaled Shep to stay back and gave a small shriek when another explosion split the quiet Carolina night. She shuddered and peeked outside from behind the door. She saw two shadowy figures outlined by the starlight and bright full moon. Sure enough, Brittany had disappeared from the living room and Alfie was nowhere in sight. There were obviously some folks behind the stand of magnolia and pine lining the county road in front of the house.

***

INSIDE THE HOUSE, THE booming music of a Jose Feliciano riff filled the air. The words "Come on baby light my fire..." stunned Rose into immobility. Then came the phrase, "Come on set the night on fi ---re!"

Another huge explosion split the silence of the dark and filled it with red, blue and yellow cascading sparks showering from the blank sky in billowing mushroom patterns.

Fireworks?! Questioned Rose to herself still shaking from the disturbance but unable to suppress a laugh of relief. She stood among the early crocuses in their front garden with her hand covering her confused and pounding heart. "Oh, my God..." she said quietly.

|  |

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# 13| Forever Yours...

***

Sarah and Billy had heard the jolting explosions from outside. They saw the colors of the fireworks overhead from the glass doors in the kitchen as the sparks flew into the sky. Sarah knew that was her signal and had put the Feliciano CD on the sound system. She danced to the music with anticipation, running to the front door, practically knocking Rose over. They grabbed each other so that Rose would not fall onto the porch. Sarah let out a guffaw into a shocked Rose's chest.

"Really, Sarah! What is going on here?!" exclaimed a still shell-shocked Rose.

"It's our coming out celebration, sweetie. Your mother and I fell in love. We're together now...lovers."

Rose faked a look of great surprise and pushed Sarah back, holding her shoulders and looking into her eyes with a smile. Damn! This act was a good one! She was a still a little resentful that the boys hadn't said anything about the purpose of the meal. She guessed they just had to surprise someone.

Carmen walked up to the two women and put her arm around Rose saying, "It's the big day, baby." She turned to Sarah and said, "Congratulations, Sarah! Come inside, you two, dinner's ready."

Rose cupped her hand around her mouth and shouted at the trees, "Come on, you crazy people! Dinner's ready! Come on in and get warm!" She was now fully recovered from the 'surprise'.

The three women and an overexcited dog went back into the house. The combined smells of a dozen exotic dishes filled the warm atmosphere of the first floor.

Alfie and Brittany entered from the back door out of breath and laughing, red-faced from the brisk night air. It was still cold despite the changing season. Everyone loaded their plates and sat down at the dining room table. Sarah kindly turned the blasting music down.

The six friends fell into silence. All were hungry and glad to let the only conversation be the sound of their eating utensils digging into their plates.

Of course, Alfie broke the silence, whispering behind his hand to Sarah. He stifled a laugh while Billy and Carmen brought in a flaming dessert. He said cryptically, "Sometimes I don't know who we are."

Sarah answered, "Yeah! Wow! You guys put on a good show!" She got a mischievous glint in her eyes and said, "Want to play 'What If'?"

"With me?"

"Yup..." Sarah smiled slyly and asked, "What if I ran away?"

Alfie looked stunned as he dug into his chocolate baked Alaska, delicately running his tongue over his lips, eating tiny, neat bites. He looked deeply into Sarah's sparkling eyes and asked, "Without your love?"

"You mean Brittany?" She paused with a chuckle and went on, "I didn't say I'd be alone."

"Oh..." said Al. "That makes sense..."

The others sat down to enjoy their desserts. Rose, seated at the opposite end of the table from Al and Sarah, wasn't able to hear their muffled conversation and was happy to see Carmen. She learned towards her and placed her palm on Carm's thigh saying, "Oh, honey..."

Carmen gave her a deep sexy kiss near her mouth. Rose giggled and leaned into her even more. They spoke quietly between themselves as Billy went around pouring flaming kirsch over the baked Alaska, lighting each individual dessert cake that hadn't been already consumed.

Sarah held hands with Brittany, leaning into her as she finished eating. She heard a small amount of Rose's conversation, "We'll have to start the strawberries soon..." She pulled Brittany's hand up to her chin and snuggled, saying, "Oh, Rose dear, may we help? I would love to work in the greenhouse with you and Carmen. I don't know about Brittany..." What she meant to say was, 'Brittany and you...'.

Britt bit her lip, looked down but nodded her head. Their karmas had come full circle and Brittany knew it. At some point she would have to acknowledge her past actions. This was one of those times. Everyone knew she would die to do anything with her daughter. She also did not want to look back on the past between her and Rose.

Rose choked on her fruit smoothie, getting foam from the drink on her upper lip. She sat up a little straighter and gave her mother a grin. She answered kindly, "Yeah. Sure. You can both come over to help plant the trays. We're doing it in about a week. That okay with you, mom?"

There wasn't even a hint of hypocrisy in the air. Brittany looked up with a surprised smile on her face and answered, "Of course."

She added, "I love you, my Rose."

Rose lit up a bright flaming crimson. "What the Smurf!" she said to break the constant assessing gaze of her mother but smiled anyway. She looked down and tried to hide herself by moving closer into Carmen's arm and side.

"Really? Love already?" Rose added, her words muffled in Carmen's plaid flannel shirt. "Getting free tickets to the enchanted forest, eh?" she said a little louder, meaning it to sound like a joke although it didn't.

Brittany overhead the comment and sat up, her dessert unfinished, dropping her fork with a clang. She was now obviously upset. Even Carmen felt that Rose was being too harsh. After all, this was supposed to be a celebration. The past needed to be buried. She whispered the essence of that into Rose's ear. Rose looked shocked for a second, pushed herself away from the table and stood up abruptly. Carmen caught her arm and pulled her back down.

"We can do this, Rose. Sit down..." Carmen said quietly. "It's not like you didn't know this day was coming. Give it a chance."

"Okay, baby. I will." Rose looked at her mother and tried to smile. Instead, a small tear ran down her cheek. Only Carmen saw it. She squeezed Rose's waist and said, "It'll take some time."

Rose nodded, moving closer to Carmen's side again. She wanted to run to their room and not come out until her mother was gone like she used to do when she was little and liked her nanny better than her mother. Yeah, she knew they could forgive and learn to trust again. Trust was Rose's big issue. In the past, she could never tell when her mother would switch to witch. She knew, though, with Sarah and Carmen's support, perhaps a new day was dawning.

Brittany spoke up and said, "I know I was wrong in the past. But Sarah and I are determined to change all that. She guides me more than you could know. She always explained to me how upset you got. She gets me thinking, rather than just acting out some impulse. She gets me thinking about a lot of things."

***

THE EVENING WENT SAILING up into the stratosphere from there. By midnight everyone was laughing and congenial. Understanding seemed to blossom and flow, especially between Sarah and Rose. It was as if a higher plane of coexistence was opened like the sun opens the clouds in the morning.

As the new humbled Brittany was leaving, draped over Sarah's arm, Billy turned to Carmen with a peaceful look in his gray eyes and said, "Well, on the good side, Brittany has always been a bit of an airhead..." He snickered and waved goodbye.

Carmen answered, "That's what will save her. I think Sarah tends to hold Brittany close enough to filter her aggression and use a rainbow wand to change it, making Brittany look like she's simply being frivolous."

"I can take that."

"Me too."

"Sarah made a very angry person into a butterfly that just flits around but never seems to land."

Carmen laughed and added, "Except on Sarah, Boo."

***

THE NEXT FEW MONTHS did not see Brittany calling or visiting the LaPierre household. The sense of freedom and openness was sweet among the roomies. The news that Carmen and Rose got was mostly through Lt. Jones who was (no surprise) Brittany's probation officer for the next year.

Margarita made sure everyone knew that Brittany had volunteered at the Nashville Women's kitchen on weekends in order to fulfill her gazillion hours of court-mandated community service. This actually had made Brittany very happy. She was prouder of that kitchen than some of her expensive charity events. Even Lt. Jones started to warm to her enthusiasm and swore she saw a small hint of dedication growing in Britt's formerly stony and rather imperceptible heart.

The biggest surprise was Brittany's purchase of a pretty little gold and tan filly she named Honey.

She had already started the filly on her training regime with a gentle hand. This baby was headed for dressage, no doubt. Britt had not lost her attraction to competition. Honey was destined for championship. The edge was still there but she had no intention of returning to prison and had always enjoyed foals and training very young horses...growing with them. There were no intrusions or plans to snatch a horse on her mind anymore. Change was coming quickly.

Rita Jones said Brittany was her easiest probation client to manage. She was always on time and was so successful with her community service, she was possibly considering staying on in the prison kitchen even when her court requirements had been completed.

Longoria took photos of Britt's new colt and sent them from her phone so Carmen and Rose could see how incredibly cute the little thing was. Brittany had always been a good trainer. She seemed to revel in having the little Golden Hope filly for dressage full time. Not that anyone ever thought that Brittany wanted to return Holly in her mean old days. This was just the benefit of being honest. Hmm...

***

CARMEN AND ROSE WERE busy in the Goddess greenhouse with spring planting. The luscious scent of damp, fertile soil filled the air and clouded the greenhouse glass with a succulent humidity. Many seedlings were sprouting rapidly. It was ecstasy to wake up next to the one you love and greet the day by cooking breakfast together and going out to their plants as the season changed and the north Carolina sun illuminated the new growth.

Carmen and Rose made it a regular thing in the afternoon to take Holly and Maizie out for a ride on their favorite trails - even taking a picnic lunch on the warmer days.

Green Goddess's spring-summer orders came rolling in at such a rapid rate that Carmen had to take a few hours after dinner to keep up with them. Rose's new garden designs were published online daily. Both of them felt that they had an angel on each shoulder. The peace in their home was an overwhelming sensation. Even Billy and Alfonso floated around their house as if levitation was a natural for gay men. Might be, alrighty.

They were all so happy at what seemed like a complete lack of harassment that perhaps their feet really didn't touch the ground.

As the plants grew in the greenhouse and the spring green began to appear around them, the wind would pick up and send the luscious scents of new flowers in their faces in a tornado of perfume.

It was time to start the strawberries and time to invite Brittany and Sarah to help with the planting. Carmen and Rose took a deep breath together, made love and kept putting off the call. They just wanted to keep living in their daydreams.

Rose honestly thought, Fuck the strawberries.

But Alfie and Carmen were quick to remind her (when she kept putting the visit off) that she needed to get strong even if she had to forget the past and suck it up. She needed to learn to talk to her mother as a person who demanded respect. She had the right to demand that respect just as much as Rose did, or anyone. It wasn't going to be easy after all the shit Brittany had thrown at Rose in the past.

***

THE SHOCKED GAY COMMUNITY in Piney Knoll was a-buzz with the latest gossip, as usual. Sarah and Brittany's new relationship was the talk of the local gay and lesbian bars. No one had ever thought such a thing could happen. No one except Alfie - who suspected everything way before anyone else did. The gay community was suspended between disbelief and resignation - acknowledging that miracles really do happen...looking at each other and laughing - accepting Brittany Oliver's lesbian relationship with a shrug. The strawberry story was just a topping on the shortcake, so-to-speak. And the story did get around.

They would say, "But that's what we always say. You hate us too much - you might be one of us."

And, "So what if there is anti-gay sentiment in the Bible? We got past that 2,000 years ago. It's a different world today. This world needs us."

"Boom!"

"Yup..."

"Gay's da bomb."

***

THE DAY THEY PLANTED berries with Brittany and Sarah turned out to be a hoot. Rose was flabbergasted when her mother actually took direction from her and praised her degrees in Botany. Credit for any achievement was not what Rose was used to. She bit her lip slightly, unwilling to let go of her bitter memories. The bitterness had actually been an emotional shield since childhood.

She felt, just for a moment, like breaking her mother's nose. But she didn't. She smiled instead and pulled her mother closer, cracking a weak joke about the Nikes her mother had on. It was an old joke, but Rose couldn't throw any meanness at her mother while Brittany was obviously trying to be sweet. It was a new feeling.

Rose was small, not a breath over five feet - but in her sneakers Brittany was a good four inches shorter. It was a thing. Brittany was seriously downsizing her ego. She wasn't usually paid to be her real self. As a major international Diva of high-end philanthropic events, she was the Hollywood charity advocacy of Elephant, Big Cat and Great Ape sanctuaries all over the world. Rose never disagreed with her politics - it was her personal relationship that was the problem.

Brittany had commanded the catering, lecturing, digital presentations, security and housekeeping sub-contractors the week before standing at least six inches taller in her Jimmy Choo's. This time, though, all the leftover delicacies were packed up and transported to the Nashville Women's kitchen where they were served up in a party atmosphere on a "special" night. Brittany's gift. She had deliberately told her charity event culinary crew to make twice as much as they needed. She deducted that from her personal contract profits.

But as Brittany grew taller inside, she lost some of her need to tower over others physically. Rose had only seen her mother in flat shoes when she wore her robe and slippers. This new thing with Brittany felt good, more normal. Britt put her hands in the soil next to her daughter, giggling when they touched fingertips underneath the loam. The buds of their newly repaired relationship seemed to grow as they planted the infant strawberries.

Little Brittany Oliver buzzed around the greenhouse like a bee - here and there pressing a plant deeper into the dirt. Sarah had to push her out when the sun went down. Brittany's energy had always intimidated Sarah. As they had developed their intimacy, Sarah learned she could push Brittany around a little. Funny thing was that Brittany seemed to enjoy being pushed around by her. When Rose observed this, it made her sit back in wonder.

She said to Carmen one evening after the planting as they curled up together on the sofa, "Who would have thought my mother needed a shove once in a while?"

"I did. I knew she needed something like that."

"Glad you didn't try and do that - it might have boomeranged."

"Yeah, things seem to be changing. I mean, honey, having fun with your mother? Not something I would have - ever..."

"...me neither..."

"Love morphs...it changes. It grows - but not necessarily in the ways you might expect."

"You could say that again..."

"And again..."

"Because it shines like truth."

"Like the sun on a clear day."

"Change can just take place in an instant. People forget. The shock of the change pushes you into a new place. It's what you've been wishing for - but unexpected and landing right in front of you like an extraterrestrial."

"ET is love."

[Laughter...]

"Love is many things - as we have grown to know. The analogies are endless."

"Like the sign for infinity."

"Folks never get tired of trying to define it."

"Like us," said Rose and kissed Carmen slowly with a feeling that never got tired.

"Um, yeah," breathed Carmen into Rose's ear as she slid her kiss across her reddened cheek.

"Le grande illusion..." she said as she ran her hands under Rose's shirt. Rose shivered and laughed, saying, "That's no illusion - that's my lover!"

"You're beautiful. This love of ours morphs like a flower," whispered Rose as she climbed on top of Carmen's laughing belly, her t-shirt pushed up to her shoulders.

The next day blinked open like a wide-eyed child with an early sunrise and covered the entwined lovers with a harbinger of spring. Carmen and Rose could hear Alfie clomping around downstairs in his loud, hard-heeled cowboy boots and talking at the top of his voice. They looked at each other with gentle quizzical smiles.

Carmen asked, "Wonder what Alfie is so excited about?" Rose raised her arms above her head and stretched with a yawn. She said, "Aw, Jeez - I don't know. Come here..." She reached for Carmen.

Al gave a loud cattle-call and a shout, startling both women, breaking the love-making spell. Carmen swore and thought of their Green Goddess orders piling up on her desk. Rose's stomach grumbled with hunger. She said, "Carm, I need breakfast. Sweetie?" as Carmen slapped her pillow and got out of bed with a frown and a feeling of frustration. Rose hid her face in the pillow for a minute then followed Carmen out of bed.

Carmen was dressed in her jeans and T as she walked out the bedroom door. Shep began barking wildly and running from the front hall to the kitchen and back. As Carmen got downstairs, she yelled at him. He looked her in the eye and barked right at her without any shame whatsoever. She threatened to spank him with her hand in the air over his rump, but he jumped on her, knocking her hand aside, bouncing back down to the floor. He barked at her again, wagged his tail and took off.

Carmen sucked her breath in as Rose came up behind her and touched her shoulder. Carmen spun around to face her as Alfie hooted past them, dancing loudly on the heels of his boots. Tater whined at all the commotion from his place on the couch.

Rose frowned and said, "What the fuck is going on?"

Carmen yelled, "A-L-F-I-E!"

"What is it, dear?" came the instantly demur reply as the staccato dance subsided.

"What the hell is it?"

"Oh, ladies, do come in and sit down."

The dog zoomed past them, still inexplicably frantic. Rose and Carmen made their way to the couch facing Alfonso. Shep jumped up next to him and snuggled his big ass close, putting his snout on Alfie's thigh. Tater howled in distaste running to the kitchen where Billy seemed to be hiding. [Guess he already knew what the big deal was.] Bill shut the swinging door gingerly - obviously not willing to join this jam.

Alfie said without any hesitation, "They're leaving! They're leaving! It's all so beautiful!"

Carmen frowned and asked, "Where are they going?"

"WHO?!" echoed Rose, frustrated by this half-assed conversation.

"Your mother and Sarah," answered Alfie.

Carmen tensed and said, "But Brittany's still on probation."

"Let me tell you..." said Alfie, leaning forward - elbows on his knees. "Sarah and Brittany got married this morning."

Rose made a rude sound with her lips. Carmen laughed.

"When Brittany is free to go, they plan on a honeymoon cruise. I really think Brittany wants to wash the feeling of prison out of her head. Her probation will be over, and she can take a break from the prison kitchen for the time they are on the boat...the Bahamas, Antigua, Jamaica and all the islands in between! It'll be the cruise of a lifetime."

Rose took Carmen's hand and said, "Is she coming back?" It was Carmen's turn to make a rude noise.

There was a loud knock on the front door. Shep decided to go off again and started barking. Carmen yelled, "Come in!" Rose had a premonition and hid her face in Carmen's shoulder. Billy hadn't moved from the kitchen.

In came Sarah and Brittany dressed in their wedding finest - satins and velvet. "Hello, babies!" called Sarah cheerily. "Guess everyone knows!" she continued with a big smile. They sat down next to Alfie, facing Carmen and Rose on the opposite couch. Shep sat on the floor with a loud grunt and a clunk from his elbows hitting the hardwood floor, probably feeling a bit ignored.

"We're your wedding party," said Alfie.

"Congratulations," said Rose, sincerely losing her animosity more from surprise than anything else. Carmen relaxed a little and squeezed Rose's hand.

Billy heard the commotion in the living room and threw open the kitchen door with a flourish. He carried an elaborate two tier decorated wedding cake. He announced loudly, "Bon Voyage!" Looking into Alfie's sparkling eyes, he added, "Por sus vidas juntas!"

As Billy placed the cake on the coffee table, Margarita Jones, Longoria and five of their lesbian friends walked through the unlocked front door. Jones' vintage boombox played Kokomo. Someone clapped their hands in rhythm, laughing at the shock on Carmen and Rose's face as they sang the lyrics: "Aruba, Jamaica, oh, I wanna take ya'. Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama."

Rose commented to Carmen, "How come everyone else knows? Why are we always the last to find out anything about my own mother?"

Carmen replied noncommittally, "Mmm..."

Rose looked at her closely saying, "You knew?!"

"I'm not surprised. That's all."

The wedding party sat down as Bill and Alfie served the cake. Jones said to Sarah and Brittany, "You gotta smash cake and dance. This is the real thing."

Britt, of course, immediately got a small bit of cake and smashed it into Sarah's surprised face. She grabbed her hand and pulled her up, moving her hips from side to side, kissing the frosting off her face. Rita changed the music and they slow danced to At Last.

I was never spellbound by a starry sky. What is there to moon glow, when love has passed you by? Then there came a midnight and the world was new. Now here am I so spellbound darling not by stars, but just by you.

At last my love has come along. My lonely days are over, and life is like a song. At last the skies above are blue. My heart was wrapped in clover the night I looked at you. I found a dream that I can speak to. A dream that I can call my own. I found a thrill to press my cheek to. A thrill I've never known.

You smiled and then the spell was cast. And here we are in Heaven. For you are mine at last.

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# Epilogue| A Year from Last Spring

***

The Princess of the Seas moved slowly away from the dock at Myrtle Beach like the majestic four-story floating palace it was. Brittany and Sarah were microdots on an upper deck. Brittany let a six-foot chiffon rainbow-colored scarf fly from her hand so there was no doubt where they were.

Rose and Carmen sat on a heavy wooden bench on the dock watching the slow movement of the boat. Rose rested her head on Carmen's strong shoulder, she closed her eyes and thought about how immensely far her life had come in the past ten years since she was twenty-three and crushing on the checker (Carmen) at Jiffy's gas station and convenience store.

Her mother was gay and very happily married to her former Personal Assistant. She couldn't have predicted that. But she had come to learn that life was just that unpredictable. She thought of their greenhouse, the beautiful flower gardens she had designed, how her love for Carmen had healed her sense of family.

She and Britt had become friends. Who would have thought it? Britt's aggressiveness had transformed into shyness. She had learned to be tentative with her daughter - giving Sarah a role as co-mother. Sarah's gentle thoughtfulness had maxed out Brittany Oliver's defenses. They had taken her down to size.

Rose opened her eyes, hugged Carmen closer and sat up, waving as her mother and Sarah's boat wound its way out of the bay into the open ocean.

Carmen must have heard her thoughts and kissed her on the ear quickly. She grinned widely and said, "Remember you gotta smash cake and dance. And that I love you. This is the real thing, baby."

***

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# Acknowledgements

***

A trillion thanks to Terri Rae Lynch for catching all my mistakes and being a great editor and super patient with all my writing delays.

***

# Don't miss out!

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Connecting independent readers to independent writers.
Did you love _Ordinary People_? Then you should read _Secret Love_ by Cassandra Barnes!

Carmen La Pierre lives in small town America. She loves the country, but craves the freedom and anonymity of the big city, preferably Manhattan.

She meets the love of her life while working at Jiffy's Seven-Eleven. A torrid romance grows from there.

Carmen might be approaching fifty, but she is fit, beautiful and athletic. Her new girlfriend is twenty-two, but still within the social realm of high school.

The attraction was electric and immediate. It was love at first sight.

Read more at Cassandra Barnes's site.
Also by Cassandra Barnes

A Love to Remember

Secret Love

Ordinary People

Silver Lake Lesbian Intrigue

An Island in the Sun

Chasing Waterfalls

Watch for more at Cassandra Barnes's site.

# About the Author

Cass Barnes lives in northern Maine overlooking the Canadian border deep in the forests of Aroostook County. She writes novels, poetry and is an amateur photographer and jazz musician. She contributes to several Third World animal rescues and lives with a wild Yorkshire Terrier, a local rescue.

Cass Barnes is a lesbian who marched in the very first Gay Pride parade in Chicago. She graduated from Boston University magna cum laude in Sociology and attended Harvard for graduate school. She has been writing since childhood.

Cass also plays jazz keyboard and is an avid computer hardware and software student.

She loves to create epic scenery and plots with lesbian characters that build in her mind over time. Like a good sauce, she would like her writing to add flavor to a brighter future for all lesbians. And, of course, some understanding.

Welcome to my world!

Read more at Cassandra Barnes's site.
