(SHWORNK AND-A SHPING!)
- Welcome one and all to Puppet History.
Today we'll be taking a
deep-diving ever-winding look
into yet another chapter
in the heavy, heavy book
we call History, while
our guests ruthlessly vie
for the coveted title of History Master.
Ryan Bergara, are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready as always.
- Special guest, Jermaine
Fowler, are you ready?
- I don't know.
- Okay, then let's crack in.
(vibrant show music)
- Can I take another guess at your name?
- Huh, sure.
- You're the professor?
- I'm the professor.
- Wiggles?
- Professor Wiggles, not bad,
but no!
- Professor McNasty.
- That's close, that's close.
I am a little nasty.
(snickering)
- Okay.
- Today, we'll be talking
about a city on the brink
and their very strange coping methods.
You guys ever been pushed to the brink?
- Sure.
- Huh?
- I don't think I have yet.
- Has the universe
ever just challenged you?
- Yes, yes,
the universe has challenged me.
Yes, Professor McNasty.
- Okay.
I actually kinda like the ring of that.
And would you guys like to
know what we're competing for?
- Yeah!
- Yeah,
what are we competing for?
- It is the coveted cup
of the History Master.
(twinkling)
Ignore the hand.
- Whose hand is that, Professor?
- It's God.
- God's a white man.
- Oh, I mean, it's the devil.
- Yeah, there we go.
You know, you know what I'm saying.
You know your audience.
- Well, in the Alsace region
of Europe in the early 1500s,
it's very safe to say
that people were stressed,
cosmically stressed.
See, these were a people only
a few generations removed
from the mass devastation
of the bubonic plague,
and it's easy to imagine
that the sheer trauma
of experiencing a
borderline biblical event
could imbue a few generations
with an all-enveloping
sense of existential dread.
Rough.
- Are any of the stories
that you're going to tell,
is one of them at least
not gonna be a bummer,
or are they all gonna be bummers?
- No, they're all pretty sad.
History's a sad thing.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
- There's some, like,
happy historical events,
like the day peanut butter was
invented and stuff like that.
- I would say that, you know.
When I first saw Lion King, you know?
- That was good.
- That was dope.
- That was good, too.
So considering all that,
the city of Strasbourg
seemed like a prime
candidate for ground zero
of the impending apocalypse.
See, the common folk of Strasbourg,
in addition to all the struggles
of just surviving in the 1500s,
found themselves dealing
with an increasingly problematic clergy.
Author John Waller says, quote,
"Monks and priests
shamelessly took concubines
"and all had greater appetites
for meat, drink and sleep
"than for prayer or pastoral duties."
Can't fault them for that,
you know what I'm saying?
- I guess even clergymen have to get--
Kinda wanna say that, that's so crass.
- No, say it.
- I guess sometimes
clergymen gotta get (bleep).
(audience gasps)
- Okay, no that was too crass.
That's disgusting.
- It was a little--
- What is wrong with you?
People were not stoked about this
because these holy folk
are supposed to be their
direct line to God.
One guy was so fired up
that he went poking around
various local holy houses
to see how much meat and
booze they've been hoarding
and he found plenty of dirt,
but eventually gave up his investigation.
(game show music)
Oh, that red light means we're
having our first question.
Why do you think he stopped
his little investigation?
A, they paid him off in
barrels of barley wine,
B, a nun blackmailed him,
or C, a monk threatened to murder him.
All right Ryan, are you locked in?
- I'm locked in.
- What'd you put down?
- I put C.
- You think a monk
threatened to murder him.
- I don't think that's what happened,
but it is the funniest outcome.
- Sure.
- That's how I've been playing
this game so far.
- Makes sense.
Jermaine?
- I chose B, nun blackmail.
- With a happy face.
- Yeah.
- A little happy face.
- You know, a nun blackmailing
you just seems insane
and I always go with the craziest
multiple choice question.
- But a monk threatening to
murder someone isn't crazy?
- Well, let's find out.
(gong rings)
- Need help?
- No, no, everything's fine.
(groaning)
- Is that the monk?
- That's the monk.
- Oh hey, Brother Thomas.
- Oh, my brother.
Wonderful to see you.
What brings your wonderful
soul to the house of--
Sorry, fuck.
(snickering)
What brings your beautiful soul
to the house of His holiness today?
- I saw something kinda weird recently.
I could've sworn I saw someone
wheeling barrels of ale
into the church, but
that couldn't be, right?
- I mean, it's funny that you mention that
because I saw something weird today, too.
I saw a dead man walking.
(suspenseful music)
How'd you like to be dead?
- (stammering) I was just letting you know
it seemed like maybe
some illicit activity.
- And I'm just letting you know
that if you mention those
barrels to anybody else,
you'll end up in one.
- Oh, shit.
- Damn.
- He Walter Whited him.
- May peace be with you.
(laughing)
- So damn, you Suge Knighted--
- He Suge Knighted him, yeah.
- The random dude.
- It seems like Ryan gets
a history point there.
Congrats, Ryan.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- I'm a good sport.
- Thank you.
- Good job.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Driving an even greater
wedge between the classes,
the clergy and lords had been
hiking up taxes for years
and, according to Waller, quote,
"Peasants were forbidden
"from grazing pigs on common pasture,
"from fishing in local pools and streams,
"and from entering the
forests to gather timber
"for building and fuel, to hunt game,
"even to pick acorns or berries."
And that's some bullshit!
- You seem passionate about this.
- Why don't you take it easy?
- Well I mean, you just wanna go out there
and pick some acorns and berries.
- It's okay, you know,
it's a long time ago.
It's over now.
Your eyes got bigger.
(laughing)
What's in your bag?
- Oh, wouldn't you like to know?
Why don't you come check it out?
- I feel like that's a trap.
- Come on, open my little bag.
- Sounds like the start of a horror movie.
- No, come on here.
Come on.
- Don't say that,
open my little bag.
- Open my little bag.
- I'll open your bag, dude.
- Take one out.
- Okay.
(twinkling music)
(laughing)
It's a jelly bean.
- That's right.
It's for you.
- You put props in the bag.
He put so much thought in the character.
He put jelly beans--
- It's a jelly bean.
Those are my special treats.
- Actually you know what,
I'll take a jelly bean too.
- Oh, go for it.
(laughing hysterically)
- Yeah, I do love jelly beans.
- On top of all this bullshit,
the region had been through a
pretty rough couple decades.
We're gonna run through this really quick,
but every time I turn the
light purple like this--
- Oh!
- I need you guys
to shout, all the crops died.
- Okay.
- Just like that.
- [Both] (shouting) All the crops died!
- Great.
So here we go.
In 1492, there was a famine, because--
- [Both] All the crops died.
- In 1493, crops weren't half bad,
but then everybody got syphilis
and a bunch of people's skin fell off.
- Oh my God.
- Baller.
- As they rounded the year 1500,
things leveled out for a few years.
The crops were good for a bit.
And then--
- [Both] All the crops died.
- In 1507, hail the size of
apples pummeled the town.
- Whoa!
- How big,
were they really the size of apples
or were was that--
- It was the size of
(screaming) apples!
And because of the hail--
- [Both] All the crops died.
- Then the bubonic plague
staged a brief reunion tour
and was mercifully stamped out
by the bitter winter of 1511.
But also--
- [Both] All the crops died.
- And then again in the
bitter winter of 1514.
- [Both] All the crops died.
- Oh, we were on the same page there.
We switched it up.
- Mhmm, it felt right.
- Followed by a summertime
drought in the summer of 1516
when one last time with gusto--
- [Both] All the crops died.
- I guess that's gusto!
So that's a solid two decades
of ever-mounting anxiety.
Scores of people are
struggling to make ends meet,
falling deeper and deeper into debt,
all the while, starving, several to death.
Could this have a toll
on the general population's mental health?
Well, sure!
(game show music)
What concerning thing started to happen?
A, people began to see
the dead walk the earth,
B, people began burying themselves alive,
or C, people began eating
dirt until they died.
- Oh, what the fuck?
- So all death related.
- Yeah.
- What was A again?
- People began to see
the dead walk the earth.
- I've heard things like that.
- Yeah, see that's crazy.
So like ghosts.
- Yeah.
- Ghouls.
- Ghouls.
- Ghouls.
- [Both] Goblins.
- Oh, buy me a Coke!
All right Ryan, what do you got?
- I'm gonna go with C.
- You're gonna go with C.
- People eating dirt
until they died.
Kinda similar to those people
that danced til they died in France.
(suspenseful music)
- Oh yeah, I've heard of them.
Jermaine, what are you going with?
- I just feel like there should be, like,
an all of the above option
'cause it just feels like all
those things would've happened
but if I had to pick, I'm going with A.
- Well that's a point for Jermaine!
- (screaming) Yes!
That's right!
I'm a history buff!
- So Waller describes, quote,
"Thousands imagined their dead relations
"to have escaped from Purgatory,
"running and screaming to
the music of drum and pipe.
"Many of those killed
in battle were reported
"to be carrying their
bloodied and mutilated limbs."
One woman was stricken with
terror after having seen, quote,
"the ghost of her dead soldier husband
"clutching between bloody
hands his own severed head."
- Jesus Christ.
And these were all visions.
- Yes, these were all visions.
- But no one ate dirt, right?
- No one ate dirt, though that is a thing.
That is a method of suicide.
It's like a weird ancient thing.
They would eat dirt until they died.
- Jesus Christ.
- Wow.
- If you thought all that
was bad, welcome to 1517,
which they depressingly and
hilariously called The Bad Year
which would play out like
a greatest hits compilation
of the previous decades.
More frozen crops, more hail,
some smallpox, some leprosy
and a fun new disease.
(game show music)
Guess what this new disease is called?
A, the English Sweat,
B, Lucifer's Indulgence,
or C, Horsebite Flu.
- Oh man, it would be funny
if it was English Sweat.
- All right Ryan, what do you got?
- I'm gonna go with B.
- You're gonna go with
B, Lucifer's Indulgence.
- Lucifer's Indulgence sounds great.
Also sounds like the name
of a dope coffee shop in Silver Lake.
- Okay, so A sounded like a nice tea.
- A tea called English Sweat?
- English Sweat.
- (scoffs) Oh God.
- Yeah, yeah, uh-huh.
And B sounded like some incense.
So I chose--
- (laughing) Oh that's
lovely, what is that?
- Lucifer's Indulgence.
- I chose C.
But I did a D for Buttmeat's Delight.
But, you know--
- Buttmeat's Delight?
- You know what.
- It's a pirate.
- You know what, I'm gonna
give you an extra point
for Buttmeat's Delight.
- Hey, wait a second here.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Wait a second, you can't do that.
- Well you've never taken
the initiative, Ryan!
(laughing)
- It's 'cause I was playing by the rules.
I didn't realize it was the
fuckin' wild west out here.
- Well maybe have a little fun
with it every now and then.
- That's true, you do have a
satchel full of jelly beans.
- I reward creativity.
And I'm also giving that point out
'cause neither of you got it right.
It was called the English Sweat.
So yeah, it was just a disease
where you'd sweat for
several days until you died.
- What were the symptoms?
- You'd sweat a lot.
You just kept sweating.
- How long did they sweat?
- Few days.
(intense music)
Okay, moving along.
(mystical music)
What the?
- Yeah, that's right, it's
me, that big pile of diamonds.
That's my catchphrase now, I think.
- Yeah, but we're in the
middle of a story here.
- Well, I'm here with a
word from our sponsor.
Rent on this puppet theater
isn't free, you know.
While you've got your
fuzzy ass nose in a book,
I'm over here keeping the lights on, baby!
- Fine, fine, take it away.
The floor is yours.
Talk about bedsheets or whatever.
- Bedsheets?
Cut my some slack, bro!
Today's episode is
brought to you by MSCHF.
(mysterious music)
- Wait, like the concept of mischief?
- Yeah, the concept--
No, you idiot.
MSCHF, M-S-C-H-F.
MSCHF is a Booklyn-based company
that releases mysterious cool stuff
in the form of drops every two weeks.
- I'm listening!
- Sometimes the drops
are limited edition items
like these Jesus shoes
filled with holy water
from the river Jordan
that my friend Drake was seen sporting.
- Wait, are you friends with Drake?
- Yeah, my sister-in-law
Jemberly is an anklet of his.
We hang out on boxing day.
- Is he cool?
- Yeah.
Or sometimes the drops are free things
like a font that looks
like Times New Roman
except it's slightly wider
so your written assignments
look longer than they actually are.
- Not sure I approve of that.
- Deal with it, nerd.
Or it might be something
that just kicks ass,
like when they posted
live streams of Netflix,
HBO, Prime, Hulu and Disney+
on a site for anyone to watch.
No two drops are ever the same,
so if you want early access
to all this nutty stuff,
head over to MSCHF.com/watcher
and download the app today.
It helps keep us puppets alive.
- Well thank you, diamond necklace.
- Yeah, that's me,
I'm that big pile of diamonds.
- Yeah, we know.
Yeah, you did, you made
him look like a fool.
Well, I gotta finish this story now.
- Oh okay, bye.
- Okay, where we were?
Ah yes.
Now keeping in mind this
seemingly never-ending maelstrom
of suffering, of mass
anxiety and prolonged trauma,
let's set our sights on
July 14th, summertime, 1518,
when a woman known as Frau Troffea
was no longer content to sit idly by
as the cruel hand of fate
continued to give her
community the finger.
What did--
What did she--
(laughing)
(game show music)
What did she do?
And this is a free write.
- Basically, whoever gets closer?
- Yeah, I'll give a point to
whoever's answer I like best.
(techno sounds)
All right Ryan, what do you got?
- I think she covered herself in gasoline
and ran through the town naked ablaze.
- Okay, all right.
Okay, Jermaine?
- Goddamn, Ryan.
- That's right.
- Oh, I just said she
sought out some doctors.
- That's probably a better call.
- I'm gonna give the point to Ryan.
(victorious music)
Just because it sort of
captures the craziness
of what is about to happen.
Please enjoy this brief
scene that will show you all.
(clapping)
- All right, yeah, I guess
we could clap for that, yeah.
- Oh wow, what another miserable day
in what is basically hell.
- [Narrator] Frau Troffea walks
out onto the street, dazed.
(breathing heavily)
- Oh Frau, good morning!
You're looking, uh, actually,
you're looking pretty awful.
You got a case of that
English Buttsweat, or?
(snickers)
- English Buttsweat.
(intense music)
(dance music)
- [Narrator] And Frau begins to dance.
And she dances and dances.
- I hope he puts sound effects over this.
- Yeah, I will.
- Cause this looks ridiculous.
(laughing)
- Yeah, so she danced and
people probably thought,
huh, pretty funny, good one, Frau.
- She danced until she
died or she just danced?
- Well, she continued to
dance until she passed out
from exhaustion.
And then she woke up and
she started dancing again.
- Your eyes are getting more
crooked by, like, the minute.
- Huh?
- It's so funny, like,
they're less straight.
- This is how they are.
I don't say anything
funny about your eyes!
- You're right and I apologize.
I fucked up.
I fucked up hard, bro.
- It's fine, it's fine.
- Are we gonna be okay here?
- No, we're good, we're good.
- We are?
- Yeah, come on, man!
- Let's shake it out.
I'm sorry, man.
I just thought, you know.
- By this point, you
can imagine some folks
were scratching their heads
and tossing off some theories.
A common one was that Frau
Troffea was doing this
to spite her lousy
husband who hated dancing.
But that becomes a bit harder
to believe when you consider
that according to author
Jennifer Wright, quote,
"by the third day, blood was
oozing out of her shoes."
- Jesus Christ!
- Yeah.
Another common theory
that was widely circulated
was that the poor woman had
been the victim of divine wrath.
Some suspected God Himself.
Others pointed to St. Vitus,
a saint known for bringing
aide to those with epilepsy,
but also inflicting it
upon those who angered him.
So it takes up that Frau Troffea
would be aware of St. Vitus
and his capabilities as just
30 miles east of Strasbourg,
there was a shrine to the saint,
which is exactly where she
was taken on July 20th,
six days into her exhausting routine.
Now, unfortunately we
don't have any information
regarding the fate of Frau Troffea.
Hopefully performing
some kind of penitence
at the shrine of St. Vitus was enough
to free her from this terrifying trance.
But what we do know is that by July 21st,
just one day after the poor lady
was carted off to the shrine,
at least 34 more residents of Strasbourg
had started dancing.
- What?
- Amazing.
- Wait a second, wow.
- Kinda similar to those people
that danced til they died in France.
Oh my God, this is the impetus
for the people dancing
til they danced in France!
- Yeah, you dipshit.
- Hey, fuck you.
(laughing)
- Strasbourg is in France!
- I can't, I just, I never--
Okay, every time I--
- It's weird it took you
this long to figure it out.
- Well, here's the reason why.
I thought, for whatever reason,
that the dancing til they died plague
was like a mass hysteria thing,
but I never thought of it
as a patient zero scenario.
- Yeah.
So dancing had officially
reached plague status.
And as with Frau Troffea,
there was nothing joyous
about their shuffling,
just pure agony.
Waller writes, quote,
"Chroniclers tell us that those
who were momentarily roused
"from their trances screamed for help
"from bystanders, God and the saints."
So nothing pleasant about this.
- I love it.
Have you ever been trapped in, like,
a prison of your own laughter?
Like where you're laughing
and you wanna stop laughing,
but you can't and it starts to hurt?
- Yeah.
- It sounds horrifying.
- Like the Joker.
I can imagine.
(laughing maniacally)
Yeah!
- All right, no, no, no, Ryan, stop.
Stop it, please.
Oh, I missed it.
So what started out as a curious anomaly
had now become a bit
of a municipal concern.
Enough so that a council of magistrates
thought that they should
consult some local physicians.
(game show music)
So what do the physicians
thought the issue was?
A, hot blood, B, excess bile,
or C, a phlegm deficiency?
- Damn, those all seem very plausible.
- Yeah.
- This is a tough one McNasty.
(snickering)
- All right, Ryan?
- I'm gonna go B for bile.
- And Jermaine?
- I think it was A, hot blood.
- You're gonna go with hot blood.
- Yeah.
- Hot blood also was good.
- The physicians said, quote,
"Dance is a natural disease
"which comes from overheated blood."
- No!
- Point to Jermaine.
Well, hearing this, the council
put their heads together
and decided there was only
one possible prescription.
(game show music)
What was their plan of action?
A, weighing down the feet of the dancers,
B, baptizing the dancers,
or C, more dancing?
- This is a dangerous game
you're playing here, Professor.
- All right, Ryan?
- I'm gonna go with C, more dancing,
just 'cause it doesn't make any sense.
- And Jermaine?
- I chose B.
It felt like at this point,
the doctors weren't helping.
- Sure.
- So they brought in
maybe some religious people to just--
- Leave it to God.
- Yeah.
At this point, that's what you do.
Eh, God will sort it out.
- Sure.
- But they did blame God the first time.
- That's true!
- So fuck.
- Yeah.
- I fucked up.
I got it wrong.
- Well, a point to Ryan!
They cleared out a couple
of the local guild halls
and an open market area,
even constructed a stage,
and escorted the afflicted,
now numbering over 50, into
these designated dancing areas.
And to seal the deal,
there was one last touch.
They hired a band, dozens of musicians
were hired to play to the most--
(hysterical laughter)
Yeah.
- I got a crazy gig for ya, Frank.
I got a crazy gig, all right?
As we needed, right, we need the money.
- The council also employed
various unafflicted people
to dance alongside the entranced people,
encouraging them to keep going.
When people passed out,
they were put back on their feet.
- Get up!
- Like a third baseman
and it's like their base coach.
- And the musicians upped the tempo.
- No!
- Oh boy.
Oh my God, this is amazing.
- A month into this, August rolls around.
The number of dancers continued to grow,
probably because it
was psychological virus
and instead of quarantining the thing,
they literally put the dancers on a stage
for everyone to see.
It didn't take long for things
to go from strange to dark.
Waller points to the records
of a neighboring merchant named Lukas Rem,
who jotted a note in his
diary around the time, quote:
"In the year 1518, in
summer, lots of people died
"of the St. Vitus dance in Strasbourg.
"About 15 people died a day."
- Man, I thought this
was gonna have a happy--
- I mean, this is what happens
when you try to put out
fire with more fire.
- Yeah, doesn't work.
With no choice but to
change their approach,
the council now had to seriously grapple
with the idea that the long
decaying morals of the community
may have angered a vengeful spirit.
Quickly and desperately
changing their game plan,
they ordered all dancers
back to their homes and banned music.
Strings were fine, but
tambourines and drums illegal.
- You said that strings were
allowed to keep playing?
- Yes, strings were fine.
Beautiful, you know?
- It just makes things
sadder without music.
You know what I mean?
- Is there any royalty-free
violin music you have right now
that we can try and dance to?
- Yeah, here we go.
- Does this look ridiculous?
- You feeling it?
- How does it look?
- You know what, not working.
Really not working.
- Speak for yourself.
- All right, even still in private homes,
the mania continued to spread.
At this point, the
dancing had been going on
for over a month, and while
there are conflicting reports
about the number of
people, most seem to agree
that there were at least a couple hundred.
Desperate times call for desperate--
- Measures.
- Yeah!
- There it is.
- Nice, nice.
- You know what?
I'll give an extra point for that.
- What in the hell is going on here?
This is bullshit.
- We're on the same wave length.
I appreciate that.
- This is fixed, this game is fixed.
- All right.
The magistrates weren't
about to sit on their hands
as their town was
slaughtered by the jitterbug,
so they--
(laughing hysterically)
- Sorry.
That sentence is amazing.
- Thank you.
- It is pretty good.
- So they really put their heads together
and came up with a new plan.
First, obviously, make a
big 110 pound wax likeness
of St. Vitus as a sweet gift to the dude.
Sure.
Second, line up a bunch of
wagons to transport the afflicted
wiggling masses to the shrine of St. Vitus
about 30 miles outside town.
- They're still dancing.
- They're still dancing.
(game show music)
And what was their final measure?
A, chain the dancers' feet together,
B, buy the dancers sweet new kicks,
or C, dress a monkey up as St. Vitus
and have it kiss the dancers' feet.
- [Ryan] Oh God, I wish it was C.
- C is a shame thing.
- All right.
I got my answer in.
- Ryan, what do you got?
- I got A.
- You're going with A, chain
the dancers' feet together.
- That's right.
- And Jermaine?
- Not to piggyback off you, Ryan.
- That's fair.
- You've been right so far.
- You'll probably figure out a way
to give you a point anyway.
- So you're going with A as well?
- I had to.
It just sounded like the best option.
- Well, let's find out what happened.
(groans)
- All right, everyone.
So that's that.
We'll make a nice offering to St. Vitus
and haul these poor
souls off to the shrine.
- Oh, and we should give
them some little red shoes.
- Wait, now hang on a second.
What's that you say?
- I said we'll give 'em
some little red shoes.
- Well, Pete, please explain.
- Damn it.
- Well they'd be little and
red and they'd be shoes.
- All right, well let's order
a bunch of little red shoes then.
(groans)
- Goddammit.
How are they gonna make that
many shoes that quickly?
How long does it take to make a shoe?
- I don't know.
- And red ones?
Why red?
So the blood, you don't
see the blood or something?
- Maybe.
- That makes sense.
- Once at the altar of St. Vitus,
a very strict prescription
for the afflicted
was carried out.
One, they led the dancers in
a circle around the altar.
Two, they had each dancer
offer up a single penny
as a donation.
And then, they took
them back to the chapel
and down to the wagons.
That was it.
Do you think it worked?
- Is this a question, by the way?
- Um.
(game show music)
Do you think it worked?
- I guess it did.
- Ooh, now I know, okay.
- Well, I got a 50% shot here.
- One, two, three.
- Yes.
- You both think it worked.
- Yeah, we're getting
towards the end of the story.
It's kinda like when it's
a third act of a movie
and you know a character's about to off.
- Well, it did!
- Yay!
- There it is.
- Finally we get a happy,
that's a happy ending.
- It is good.
- So one thing to remember,
these people believed
with great conviction
in the power of the supernatural,
of divine forces meddling
with their souls.
So it makes sense
that if they believe
strongly enough in a curse,
they'd also believe deeply
in the power of penance.
And when you think of what they've done
to earn their forgiveness from St. Vitus,
a 30 mile journey,
sacrificing a whole ass penny,
wearing little red shoes,
it probably did seem to them
like they've earned their freedom.
But there's yet another theory
about the miraculous
healing that took place.
So our final question.
(game show music)
What else may have healed them?
A, antibiotics,
B, a traveling hypnotist,
or C, the power of love.
- Oh, I got it.
- You know, I agree with you, too,
that I should get double
points on that last one
because I locked my answer
in a little bit sooner.
- No.
(intense music)
What's your--?
- I'm gonna go with C.
- You're gonna go with
C, the power of love.
- The power of love.
♪ That's the power of love ♪
- Oof.
Rough.
- I chose B, but fuck it.
Hypnotism, I guess back
in the day, was a thing.
- Sure.
- That's a lot of people
to hypnotize.
- It's true.
Yeah, fuck, damn it Ryan.
- Well, it's too late now.
- I choose B.
- You choose B.
- Yes sir.
- We're gonna give the point to Ryan!
A history point for Ryan.
- You won!
- Remember--
- I don't think I did
because he gave you
all those phony points.
- We'll find out.
We'll tally up the scores at the end.
Think back to the beginning of this story,
the state of the community
before the plague took hold.
Decades of growing class divide,
an uncaring and downright abusive clergy,
a lower class bearing the brunt
of a seemingly endless series
of community hardships.
And yet, when the plague took hold,
the community banded together.
Author Jennifer Wright says, quote,
"The people of Strasbourg were
exceedingly, abnormally kind
"to those afflicted.
"They didn't burn them at stakes.
"They didn't permanently cast
them out of the community.
"Thought and concern went
into considering ways
"to make them healthy again."
Isn't that sweet?
- It is pretty good.
- It's a happy ending.
- It's a little happy ending after all.
Sure, a lot of people died, but.
- That's the cost of knowledge.
- Yeah, that's the cost
of living back then.
That was a good story, dude.
I learned a lot.
- Thank you.
- It's good.
- Dancing, who knew it
would be so dangerous?
- There is consequences.
- Yeah, I'm gonna tell my daughter that.
Hey, look, sometimes
you're gonna wanna dance,
but there's a story.
- Don't you dare.
(chuckling)
Don't you dare.
- Wasn't it a cautionary
tale after this all happened.
- Yeah, I think so.
- Daddy, I'm so happy I could dance!
And he's like, no!
Don't you do it!
- No daughter of mine!
(laughing)
Well that concludes our history lesson.
I'm going to go tally the scores
to see how receives the coveted cup
and title of History Master.
While I do that, please enjoy
this special performance
from someone who was
blamed for this whole thing
along with St. Vitus, God!
And just a heads up, God
doesn't really look like
you would expect Him
to, so just know that.
He's kind of a weird-looking guy.
But, anyway, enjoy!
- All right, let's get this over with.
- What the fuck!
(laughing)
Oh, shit.
- It's me, God.
(groans)
- No, it's not.
- Yes.
- No it's not.
- Like a Bloodborne character.
♪ I'm God, okay ♪
♪ I've got something to say ♪
♪ Those dummies dancing half to death ♪
♪ That wasn't me, no way ♪
♪ I made the stars and moon and sun ♪
♪ And also I made everyone ♪
♪ Like Genghis Khan, Celine Dion ♪
♪ All dogs and cats,
fruit bats, your mom ♪
♪ And sure, some people worship me ♪
♪ But then, I did make everything ♪
♪ Like Jupiter and Tupperware ♪
♪ And Diet Coke and teddy bears ♪
♪ But I didn't make those people dance ♪
♪ Oh way back when in olden France ♪
♪ I'm not that guy, that's not my scene ♪
♪ You think that I would be so mean ♪
♪ And sure, I killed
their crops for years ♪
♪ And preyed upon their deepest fears ♪
♪ Of squalor, plague, no food to eat ♪
♪ But dancing, man, that's not my beat ♪
♪ Know what, I lied ♪
♪ It's all on me ♪
♪ I got dingbats to their feet ♪
♪ Boy, they could really jitterbug ♪
♪ But when they died I pulled the plug ♪
♪ So what, big whoop, who cares, come on ♪
♪ It's not the worst
thing that I've done ♪
♪ Like bed bugs, pink
eye, Tampa, Florida ♪
♪ And also the rest of Florida ♪
♪ So yeah, I made those people dance ♪
♪ Oh way back when in olden France ♪
♪ I'm sorry, I know it was rude ♪
♪ I guess I'm just a zany dude ♪
(audience clapping)
- Wow.
- That was disturbing.
- Wow, God is a masterful lyricist!
What a strong performer.
- Yeah, man.
God made Lauryn Hill, so.
- Unbelievable.
- That makes sense.
- You really gotta stop
complimenting yourself at the end of these
through the vail of a puppet.
- That wasn't me.
That was God.
(laughing)
Hey, so, believe it or not,
this is wild.
You guys aren't gonna believe this.
It is a tie!
- Really?
- Oh, wow, this is historic!
- You know what?
I'm gonna do a tie breaker.
Here we go.
(intense music)
If you joined a dancing plague,
what would your dance move be?
It's a dance off, folks.
- It's a dance off.
I'm gonna go with a classic
because I think it uses a lot of space.
So I would go.
♪ I'm ready for the weekend, oh ♪
♪ The boys are coming 'round ♪
♪ We're gonna hit the town ♪
♪ I'm ready for the weekend ♪
- I don't like that one bit.
- You don't like it?
- No.
(laughing)
Jermaine's already got a bit
of an edge going into this one
because that was pretty sorry.
- I guess I'd just go
with whatever I'm feeling.
So, you know, I just, you know.
- Interesting.
- Spin.
(laughing)
(cheering)
- I'll hand you the trophy,
I'll hand you the trophy.
- All right, yeah.
Thanks, yeah.
Well, here you go.
- [Professor] Congratulations, Jermaine.
- There's jelly beans in it as well!
- You are the History Master.
- Thank you very much.
- I'm gonna take a jelly bean.
- Thank you, McNasty.
- Thank you
to our special guest, Jermaine Fowler.
Thank you for watching.
We'll see you next time on Puppet History.
- Bon voyage.
(show music)
♪ Didn't make those people dance ♪
♪ Way back when in olden France ♪
♪ Not that guy, not my scene ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
