.
>> THE CORRECT TITLE OF THE
SONG THE FIRST WORD OF THE
SONG Whoomp Whoomp DID YOU
KNOW,  THAT?
MAY BE OOPS?
BUT THERE IT IS.
THAT IS ABOUT TO BE THE THEME
OF THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE.
THERE IT IS BECAUSE THEY BLEW ih
THERE IT IS BECAUSE THEY BLEW io
THERE IT IS BECAUSE THEY BLEW ip
THERE IT IS.
>> THERE GOES MSNBC.
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S OFFICIAL BERNIE SANDERS
IS WORKING FOR THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY
PRTY
PARY
PARTY.
>> PEOPLE WITH FELONY RECORDS
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO VOTE
WHILE IN PRISON SO DOES THAT
MEAN YOU WOULD SUPPORT AND
FRANCHISING PEOPLE LIKE THE
BOSTON MARATHON BOMBER A
CONVICTED TERRORIST AND
MURDERER QUICK.
>> SOMEBODY COMMITS A SERIOUS
CRIME SEXUAL ASSAULT OR
MURDER, THEY WILL BE PUNISHED.
THE RIGHT TO VOTE IS INHERENT
TO OUR DEMOCRACY.
YES EVEN FOR TERRIBLE PEOPLE.
GREG: EVEN FOR TERRIBLE
PEOPLE.
BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
YOU THINK A GUY IN JAIL FOR
MURDER CANNOT HAVE HIS RIGHTS
TAKEN AWAY?
WHAT IS IT ABOUT BEING IN JAIL
THAT YOU ARE MISSING?
HE IS IN JAIL.
HE CANNOT GO OUTSIDE.
THE TOILET HAVE NO SEATS.
[LAUGHTER]
NOT VOTING IS THE LEAST OF HIS
CONCERNS.
BUT I GUESS BERNIE WAS THE GUY
ON DEATH ROW TO VOTE HE CAN
PULL ONE LEVER BEFORE WE PULL
THE OTHER.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TERRIBLE.
IS TAILORED FOR THE RNC AD.
>> SHOOTING AND THROWING PIPE
BOMBS IN ONE PRESSURE COOKER
BOMB AT THEM.
.
>> YOU THINK THE BOSTON
MARATHON BOMBER SHOULD VOTE
NOT AFTER HE FACES HIS DEBT TO
SOCIETY BUT WHILE HE IS IN
JAIL?
.
>> DO YOU BELIEVE IN
DEMOCRACY?
GREG: PAID FOR BY BERNIE
SANDERS.
WHAT A GREAT ISSUE TO MAKE
SURE THE BOSTON BOMBER CAN
VOTE.
CHECKING WEAPONS DOWN A WELL
DID NOT FOCUS IS HIGH IN FOCUS
GROUPS.
IS HE COLLUDING WITH TRUMP OR
THANKS TO THE ACTIVIST MEDIA
THINKING AMERICA IS JUST AS
NUTS AT HIM.
KNOW WE ARE NOT.
EVEN SHARE IS AGAINST THIS
WHICH MEANS IT IS TIME.
[LAUGHTER]
I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW,  THAT
COST OVER $100,000 TEEFIVE
TWEETED EVEN THIS IDEA IS TOO
CRAZY FOR HER AND SHE DATED
GENE SIMMONS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND MICHAEL BOLTON.
NOT JOHN BOLTON.
BUT BERNIE WILL STILL NOT LET
GO.
>> I SAID THE RIGHT TO VOTE IS
ESSENTIAL IF YOU ARE A CITIZEN
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE.
THAT IS A RIGHT WE MUST
PROTECT BECAUSE WE KNOW THE
HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY.
WE KNOW WOMEN DID NOT HAVE THE
RIGHT TO VOTE.
WE KNOW AFRICAN-AMERICANS DID
NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE.
GREG: SO CRIMINALS ARE LIKE
WOMEN AND BLACKS?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I WOULD SAY HE'S DIGGING HIS
OWN GRAVE BED IS DIGGING THE
WHOLE CEMETERY.
LET THE BOSTON BOMBER VOTE.
.
>> LET THE BOSTON BOMBER
VOTE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
LET TERRORIST IN PRISON VOTE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
GREG: I DON'T THINK SO.
THE PARTY IS ON A LEFTWARD
DOWNWARD SPIRAL AND HOW LEFT
CAN THE PARTY GO?
.
>> COLLEGE IS VERY IMPORTANT
AND SHOULD BE FREE.
>> NOT JUST FREE BUT MANDATORY.
DON'T GO TO COLLEGE YOU CAN GO
TO PRISON.
>> IN PRISON YOU CAN STILL
VOTE ONLY IF A MURDERER OR
TERRORIST.
>> RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE TO
$40 AN HOUR.
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS AN HOUR.
>> $1000 AN HOUR.
>> IF YOU ARE IN PRISON THE
ONLY TERRORIST INVERTERS WE
CAN BALANCE THE SUPREME COURT
WITH MORE TERRORISTS AND
MURDERERS.
.
>> ELECTORAL COLLEGE NEEDS TO
GO.
ONE PERSON ONE VOTE.
>> ONE PERSON TEN VOTES.
A CAT GETS FIVE VOTES.
>> SERIAL KILLERS?
GREAT QUESTION KILL TEN PEOPLE
GET TEN VOTES.
.
>> THE RICH DON'T PAY ENOUGH
IN TAXES.
THEY MUST PAY MORE.
>> WE NEED A DEATH TAX IF YOU
DIE WE TAX YOU.
WITH MY PLAN WE TAX YOU AFTER
YOU DIE WITH MY PLAN WE TAX
YOU AFTER YOU DIE TERRIBLE
PERSONALITY TAXES?
TAXES ON UGLY BABIES.
TAXES FOR THOSE WHO STOOD YOU
UP AT THE PROM.
SANCTUARY CITIES.
>> SANCTUARY HOUSES.
>> YOUR HOUSE.
>> SANCTUARY HOT TUBS.
>> I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE IN
YOUR HOT TUB.
>> I AM RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT.
>> I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
>> I JUST BROKE OUT OF
MAXIMUM-SECURITY PRISON I'M
CERTIFIABLY INSANE AND I'M
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
.
>> PAID FOR BY THE REALLY,
REALLY REALLY LEFT PARTY.
[APPLAUSE]
GREG: MEANWHILE SLEEPY JOE
FINALLY WOKE UP AND BOY IS HE
WOKE.
>> WE ARE IN THE BATTLE OF THE
SOULLESS NATION HISTORY WILL
LOOK BACK IN FOUR YEARS OF
THIS PRESIDENT AND EMBRACE IT
AS AN ABERRANT MOMENT IN
TIME.
BUT IF WE GIVE DONALD TRUMP
EIGHT YEARS IN THE WHITE HOUSE
HE WILL FOREVER FUNDAMENTALLY
ALTER THE CHARACTER OF THE
STATION AND WHO WE ARE AND I
CANNOT STAND BY TO WATCH THAT
HAPPEN TO CLIMB ANNOUNCING MY
CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
GREG: I DOZED OFF.
[LAUGHTER]
HE SAYS TRUMP IS WORSE THAN
WAR AND TERROR AND DISEASE AND
ASPARAGUS SOUP?
I DON'T THINK HE BELIEVES
THAT.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE
BELIEVES.
HE HAS BEEN AROUND FOREVER AND
HAS NO DEFINING POLITICAL
ACHIEVEMENTS.
LIKE A TV CHARACTER IN A SHOW
THAT IS ALWAYS THERE AND YOU
DON'T KNOW WHY MIKE JANET FROM
FRIENDS.
SCREECH.
DAPHNE FROM SCOOBY DOO.
[BLEEP]
VELMA SOLVES ALL THE CRIME.
HE IS LIKE YOUR APPENDIX HE IS
THERE ALL THE TIME BUT YOU
DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL IT
BURST.
WHAT IS HIS MESSAGE?
HEY I AM STILL HERE.
BUT I GUESS I FEEL LIKE A
YOUNG MAN.
>> I'M SO YOUNG.
AND THE YOUNGEST PERSON A
YOUNG VIBRANT MAN.
I LOOK AT JOE I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT HIM.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S NOT WRONG.
IT CANNOT BE GOOD IF MICHAEL
BENDS OVER BACKWARDS TO
ENDORSE YOU BUT BARACK OBAMA
DOESN'T A POPULAR TWO-TERM
PRESIDENT SAYS NO BUT THE
SLEAZY GRIFTER EVER SAYS YES.
THAT IS LIKE A HEAD
CHEERLEADER TURNING YOU DOWN
FOR THE PROM BUT THE 400-POUND
JANITOR WITH A SPIDER WEB
TATTOO SAYS YES SO WHO SHOULD
THE VP BE?
HE IS OLD AND SLOW AND NOT
THAT BRIGHT SO TO BALANCE THE
TICKET HE NEEDS SOMEONE WHO
WAS CONSCIOUS.
[LAUGHTER]
SO WATCH AMERICA RETURNED TO
THE GOOD OLD DAYS OF BEFORE
TRUMP BUT WASN'T THAT GOOD IF
THEY NEEDED SUCH A CHANGE IN
ANCIENT LIKE TRUMP WITH POLICY
AND JOBS BECAUSE BACK THEN IF
YOU WANT TO GO BACK HE WILL BE
GOING ALONE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
.
>> HE'S SO FUNNY MAKING MILK
COMES OUT OF A COW'S NOSE.
[APPLAUSE]
SHE IS THE LOUDEST THING OF
THE MUSTANG HOST OF THE
PODCAST.
[APPLAUSE]
FORMER WWE E-SUPERSTAR TYRUS
THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST
ELECTION EVER NOT ONLY ALL
THESE CANDIDATES BUT TRUMP AS
AMERICA'S HECKLER.
[LAUGHTER]
.
>> YOU WATCH WHAT JOE BIDEN
HAS TO SAY.
DID YOU WATCH IT?
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE FOR
HIM TO BE.
>> EVEN "THE NEW YORK TIMES"
SAID RAMBLING AND STUMBLING IT
WAS I'M SORRY BUT I'M NOT
SORRY.
I HAVE BEEN THE GUY THAT HAS
BEEN AROUND THIS WHOLE TIME.
BUT THE THING ABOUT BERNIE
WHEN HE SAID THAT LINE ABOUT
THE BOSTON BOMBER THE WHOLE
CROWD CHEERED.
HE IS SPEAKING TO A BASE WHO
BELIEVES WHAT HE HAS TO SAY HE
IS RUNNING TO WIN THE PRIMARY
FIELD HE WILL DEAL WITH TRUMP
LATER ON BUT HE SAYS WHAT HE
BELIEVES.
>> HE IS THE OPPOSITE OF BIDEN
HE KNOWS WHAT HE BELIEVES
BIDEN IS JUST HAPPY TO PLAY A
POLITICIAN ON TV.
[LAUGHTER]
.
>> FIRST OF ALL, DEMOCRATS WAY
TO FRAME THE ISSUE.
GOOD CHOICE TO DEFEND THE
BOSTON BOMBER THAT'S LIKE IF
THEY SAY IS LITERACY IMPORTANT
WHAT ABOUT THE UNIT BOMBER?
THE ONLY ONE I CARE ABOUT IS
THE LAST MEAL I'M NOT
INTERESTED IN ANYTHING ELSE.
[APPLAUSE]
.
>> AND IF YOU WANTED TO BE
VEGAN
VGAN
VEGN
VEGAN.
>> WE NEED TO HAVE A
CONVERSATION WHEN YOU ARE IN
JAIL FOR A FELONY YOU DON'T
GET TO VOTE WHEN YOU ARE OUT
IF YOU PAID YOUR DEBT YOU CAN
CONSIDER IT.
IS NOT A DIFFICULT QUESTION
BUT THE DEMOCRATS ARE LOOKING
FOR THE MOST FAR LEFT POSITION
YOU CAN TAKE TO SIGNAL YOUR
VIRTUE AND THEY WILL PAY THE
PRICE BECAUSE TRUMP CAN HAVE A
WHOLE PRIMARY OF THEM AND HE
WILL SHRED THEM.
>> MY FAVORITE IS WHEN THEY
ASKED KAMALA HARRIS THAT
QUESTION AND SHE SAID WE CAN
HAVE A CONVERSATION LIKE YES I
THINK THAT'S WHAT THAT GUY WAS
TRYING TO DO BY ASKING THE
QUESTION.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK THAT IS WHAT HE WAS
GOING FOR.
IF I WOULD'VE BEEN THAT
MODERATOR I WOULD HAVE SAID
ARE YOU BUSY NOW?
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE WE WERE TOLD YOU HAD A
LOT OF TIME TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS.
NOW WORKS FOR ME.
HAVE AN OPINION YOU ARE
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT YOU
CANNOT SAY I DON'T KNOW
ANYMORE.
>> SHE HAS ALL THE TIME TO
KNOW THAT SHE OWNS A GUN AND
AS A PROSECUTOR.
GREG: TAKE IT AWAY.
>> I ACTUALLY FELT BAD FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE FOR OLD
WHITE GUYS.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT WAS A TERM A BUNCH OF OLD
WHITE GUYS WALKING IN HERE
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT CAN YOU
BELIEVE THAT?
WOW.
I THOUGHT THE WHOLE POINT WAS
TO HAVE AN EVEN PLAYING FIELD
THE BEST MAN OR WOMAN?
NO.
NO WHITE PEOPLE WE ARE
LAUGHING BUT THAT IS KIND OF
TRUE THEY ARE UPSET THE POLL
NUMBERS ARE LEANING TOWARD THE
OLD WHITE GUY WHICH IS
DISGUSTING APPARENTLY.
FUN FOR ME TO WATCH NEVER HAVE
I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE
SITTING ON TV DURING MY
FRIENDS COMPLAINING ABOUT
OTHER WHITE PEOPLE TOO MANY
DAMN WHITE PEOPLE RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT WE MADE IT.
WE ARE THERE.
THAT IN CORY BOOKER PROBABLY
THE MOST SPINELESS PERSON I
EVER MET IN MY LIFE.
HE WILL AGREE TO WHATEVER THE
LEFT TELLS HIM WILL A WOMAN BE
A VICE PRESIDENT?
ABSOLUTELY SHE'S ACTUALLY
PARKING THE CAR.
SHE'S ON HER WAY IN SHE'S
RIGHT HERE.
HE IS SO AFRAID OF THE LEFT
MONSTER IT IS ENJOYABLE TV.
GREG: IT WILL BE A GREAT TWO
YEARS.
TIME IS RUNNING OUT TO GET
YOUR TICKETS FOR THE GUT
