
Princess and I  
The Year 2014

A personal erotic diary

by

Franco Bolli 
Copyright ©2011-2018 by Franco Boll and Princess.  
All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission by the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

### Thoughts - January 1st, 2014

New Year's Eve was a wonderful moment and Little A. and I spend it together. I cooked her favorite dish and we watched "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" on the television.

In front of the big window overlooking the west we counted from 10 to 1 and wished each other a happy New Year toasting with 0% alcohol bubbles. Then we watched the fireworks and they exploded everywhere and we could even see the high ones in Antwerp. Yes, on a clear night I can see that far, some 35 kilometers in straight line.

Then we phoned, Princess and I, and I wished her good things and she did the same and that was that.

Went back inside and switched to Cava and meanwhile finished "The Da Vinci Code" and went to bed and watched "Home Alone" on my iPad. When it was late enough to call it early in the morning I switched off the lights and quickly lost myself in a deep sleep.

I woke up a few hours later on this first day of the New Year.

Except for Little A., spending the last remaining days of the old year with me, I found these Holidays once again horrible and an emotional drain. Sadly I am unable to feel happy and cheerful but I make sure Little A. did not notice my state of mind.

14:00  
I finished watching "Rush" directed by Ron Howard.  
What a movie!  
Beautifully shot with actors resembling their real counterparts, this film tells us the story of that wonderful and exciting year 1976 when the F1 season was dominated by the breathtaking rivalry between the late James Hunt and Niki Lauda.  
It is a story about friendship, love and most of all courage, hope and perseverance.  
These two men could not be more different. The flamboyant playboy James Hunt who was in it mostly for the fun, the chicks and the danger and wanting to proof he could become World Champion (1976 with a 1 point advantage on Lauda).  
Three times World Champion Lauda was a 100% professional and seemingly a cold and calculating man.  
I was a huge fan of Lauda and later of Nigel Mansell and then Schumi.  
Finally I lost interest after Senna got killed and F1 became just about men driving fast cars and without appealing heroes.

14:30  
I went for a short walk with Little A. on this sunny day, it is not very cold. The streets deserted though.

15:00  
Cleaned the living room and my bedroom and mopped the floor.

Princess is celebrating the New Year with her family and children and I am happy for her but it makes me so empty inside.  
I would so like to be at her side and feel proud and happy and share these joyful moments with her. Her children prevent this.

In a few years from now Little A. won't come to stay over at my place anymore. Kids grow up and I rarely see Big A. anymore. A boyfriend, friends, school and a student job take up an awful lot of time. It is the way life goes and one day your offspring simply takes off.  
I'll be an old man when Little A. will spread her wings and fly out.  
Home alone I will be on moments that really matter and one desperately wants to share them.

It is my biggest fear and comes far in front of my second one, spiders and heights (when I am in midst air that is).

I was a 13-year old boy who had lost his father at the start of the summer.  
That evening I guess it was a cold outside as snow was falling abundantly.  
It was fun gazing through the window and observe the flocks change to almost black spots when they pass in front of the street lantern just across the street.  
Then I saw him, an old man standing, in ankle-deep snow, sparsely lit by the street lantern.  
He tilted his head up and our eyes briefly met. The distance between us suddenly faded away, almost as a powerful zoom in.  
In his watery eyes I read an immense loneliness yet it was the sadness enveloping that abysmal solitude that touched me the most. I will never forget that bone-chilling moment however, when I recognized him.  
It was me decades hence.

Yes I know, it was only my overactive mind playing tricks but I freak out when I think something will lead to loneliness and solitude.  
Occasionally though this memory pops up from very deep.

The week between Christmas and New Year is a short period where this happens more frequently.  
The combination with my wish to have once again an extraordinary Christmas like those in my childhood is a vicious and treachery one.

Princess will be at my place this evening and we will have dinner, the 3 of us.  
I am looking forward seeing, holding and kissing the love of my life but it won't take the emptiness away. Not immediately that is.  
This will take some time as it does, every year.  
Princess' love and understanding will help, I'm confident of that.

Back to work tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it.  
It means life finally is back to normal.

A Pocket Book – January 2, 2014

We had dinner, the three of us, Princess, Little A. and myself and after that we played a parlor game. Princess won, Little A. came in second and I, well, never mind.

At half past eleven I called it a day, Princess and I had to get up early for work and I wanted to finish this first day of the New Year making love with her. Hadn't fucked the love of my life in 3 long days!

After kissing and a combination of hair pulling and fierce nipple pinching I started teasing Princess by pushing my cock against her wet opening, pulling back, then pushing the head a little deeper, pulling back again and then some pussy eating.

Finally I violently speared her, she was so ready, hot and in need to be filled up. Princess screamed and I felt her nails scratching my back. Relentlessly I fucked Princess and with each thrust her pussy became wetter.

Alternately biting her earlobe and pinching her nipples I slowly pushed Princess closer to that consuming fire of an intense orgasm. She was pushing her knuckles against her mouth and rocking her head from left to right and back until I grabbed her by the hair. Obviously Princess was getting there.

"You cannot come," I snapped.  
A long sigh...

I went in for the kill, adding that last thrust, milliseconds before she would lose control and fall in that hot and vast ocean of a welcome relief.

"You know what I would prefer doing now? Instead of fucking you I mean?" I whispered.  
"What?" It was barely audible.  
"Push you against the door and whip you."  
These words almost did it but she fought like a lioness against the release she was craving for all evening.  
Princess can be a very good girl.

Some whimpering, biting her lips, trying to dam that tidal wave rolling at high-speed towards her.  
"Please," she panted, "please Milord."

I stopped fucking her.  
"I let you if..."  
"What?" she muttered.  
"I am going to give you a small notebook you will keep in the drawer of your night table. Each time after we made love you will write down the date and how many times you orgasmed and what kind. You can add more info if you so wish. At the end of the year you'll have quite an impressive list. That I'm sure of."

Princess stared at me in disbelief.  
"Don't play hardball with me, girl, you should know better. The question is a simple one. Do you want to come or don't you."  
"Yes, Milord, please, please", Princess begged.  
"I'll get a small pocket-book first thing tomorrow. Okay?"  
She nodded, eager to get that long needed relief she was desperately yearning for.

A few seconds later my darling fell over the cliff and it was a good one and she thanked me and I simply held her in my arms feeling so rich and happy.

I started moving again, ever so slow, making sure she'd feel my cock sliding in and out. I wanted Princess to feel every inch, to feel how she was fucked and used.  
"Can you imagine", I whispered while moving in an out, retaining myself from pounding as a madman, "you in the Fetish Café? Blindfolded, naked and bound to an O-ring in the ceiling."  
"Yes Milord", she groaned while I pinched a nipple.  
"Well maybe not entirely naked. Maybe a garter belt, stockings and the new boots you bought."

I was lying on my side. Princess too, facing me. It is my favorite position.  
Easy to hold Princess close or push away while fucking and in this position I can move her arm behind her head so I can pinch or bite a nipple. Buttocks up so I can spank with one hand or tug her hair.

"Imagine me whipping you, Princess."  
The words made her tremble in anticipation. Simply the idea of being whipped or spanked sends my love right into orbit.

"You are near a release and you know it will be a very wet one, hell, maybe you'll even ejaculate."  
Moving, in and out, enjoying the wet sounds her delicious lips make, my dick and balls sticky with her juices.  
"When you finally cum, I pull away your blindfold and in that millisecond before you find your release you see people in front of you, they are so enjoying the show."

"Oh my god", Princess almost cries out.  
Her body spasms and her arms pull me towards her, almost crushing me. Princess kisses my face, mutters how much she loves me, thanking me, stumbling over her words. My love is skyrocket into some kind of orgasmic forgetfulness.

I hold her, pull the duvet over us both, and kiss her gently, soothing and caressing her until the she gradually stops trembling.

"I love you so much, Milord", she tells me, over and over again.

Nothing more can make me, sexually speaking, happier.  
Just for fun I give her a third one, hell, it is New Year's Day so why not?

Later on she gluttonously drinks me, working for the last drops before lying next to me. We kiss and I can taste myself in her mouth.  
Wow.

For a few short moments we talk about a zillion things and yet nothing before I switch the lights off and we are enveloped by darkness, sleep and dreams.

I'll make sure she writes it all down in her new notebook.

### 

### Thoughts - January 3th, 2014

Yesterday afternoon Princess took her car to the garage for maintenance and they told her it would be ready this evening. A bummer of course, she needs her car and apparently it was agreed it would only take a few hours.  
Over the phone Princess told me she would take one of her daughter's bicycles to go to work the next day. It is 10 kilometers or so, not a big deal.  
"WTF" I answered, "can't you simply stay with me? Go to work on foot tomorrow, it is only a 10' walk."  
Princess immediately agreed, the prospect of us spending the night together made us both radiate from sheer joy.

So yesterday evening I drove over to her place, wished one of her visiting sisters a happy New Year. Then I shook hands with The Boy wishing him the best too and we talked about Photoshop and scanning photographs. He acted very cool and I was very happy there is something growing between us albeit in a very slow pace.  
All is not well yet of course, we are not hugging yet or grabbing a beer together.  
When I told The Boy it would be a pleasure to show him some basic Photoshop stuff he kindly answered he could find everything he needed on the Internet. I did not insist, smiled and told him that was fine with me.

Then Princess and I briefly visited Stella so I could give her a CD with photos I made during the birthday party for Star a few days ago.

At my place, our home, we didn't stay up long as we both were tired.  
In bed I gave her a small present and to her great surprise it was a small notebook and a pen so she can start her Orgasm Diary.  
Princess laughed and asked if this was for real.  
I nodded affirmative.  
"Okay", she sighed, "I'll start right away then."  
I watched her write down January 1st, 2014 and then with a short description she made notes about the 3 reliefs I had given her the previous night.

After that I played with rope. Whipping for heating up my love, some basic rope bondage and finished with teasing every sensitive spot of her delicious body with the rough jute rope.  
Princess did not speak but I could read in her eyes how she was once again yearning for relief.  
"Just one", I told her and went down on her.

Princess is so very tasty and caressing her warm and wet folds with my tongue and lips always makes me go mad with desire. I used a combination of my tongue, fingers and a knot I made in the rope to make her cum.  
It was a good and intense one I noticed to my great pleasure and satisfaction.

Princess thanked me, smiling, hear eyes filled with fathomless deep love.  
The she crawled up in my arms and I held her like that all night long.  
She whispered 'I love you' a zillion times before falling asleep.  
We got up at 07:15 this morning.  
Made her write down her orgasm of the previous night.

Some 20' later I dropped Princess off at her work, kissed her and then drove to my work.  
It was another first and I was touched by it as it felt like we were living together, or better still, married.

### After the storm – January 4, 2014

There was a short yet forceful storm yesterday evening around 17:00. Violent winds, intense lightning and thunder struck our region and here and there some damage was done. Not only 30' later was the evening sky almost crystal clear again.

This image was made with my Olympus E-PM1 set at 2000 ISO and a 1,8/45mm lens.

### Rope play - Musings – January 5, 2014

After we attended the Shibari workshop at the beginning of December last year we didn't have lots opportunities to exercise. Little A. stayed with me for more than a week in the beginning of the month. Her mom had to undergo some surgery, something with RSI and her wrist. We don't talk that much and I like to keep it that way.

The Holiday Season needed my survival skills and Little A. spend the second week of the school holidays at my place.

We, Princess and I, could have used the privacy of our bedroom to get some practice. I tried but I don't like the soft basis of the mattress and I can't walk 360° around my love or create any distance. By far I prefer our living room and the soft mat we bought for playing purposes.

In the bedroom I only used the two column tie to restrain Princess' arms and a one column tie on both her folded legs to expose her completely and make Princess helpless while using her. By the way, the latter made her extremely hot and wet.

A week or two ago, while searching Vimeo, I stumbled over the "Shibari box-tie tutorial by Esinem". It was a 10' very comprehensive tutorial taken from his "Japanese Rope Bondage: Tying people, not parcels" a 2 DVD set.

Although I picked up a lot during the Shibari workshop we attended I still find it much easier to learn seeing it done in front of me that a set of photographs in a book.

I do not want to criticize books like those written by The Knotty Boys, but I find it very hard to find my way when the path to follow is only illustrated with static images.  
Check Esinem out, he is great and adds so much sensuality to his rigs.

Next week I'll be trying the box-tie on Princess and I hope I can get this tie in my fingers.

I would like to put up a little show the next time we go to the Fetish Café.

The next Fetish Lounge Club is on February 1st and at midnight, very discretely, I will wish Princess a happy birthday.  
I want to make that evening in the Club a special and a memorable one for Princess.  
She is my world, my breath, my food and my raison d'être.  
Princess makes me complete and makes me a much better man.  
Yes, Princess is everything for me and without her I would be completely lost.

Gote shibari: Shibari box-tie tutorial by Esinem from Bruce Esinem on Vimeo.

### Our first rope play – January 5, 2014

Princess, Little A. and I went to the annual fireworks show in my hometown. It was a nice one with lots of O's and Ah's.  
Then I brought my daughter to her mom. School holidays are over and tomorrow it is back to school.

At home Princess took the mat and I got my ropes and safety scissors. With the iMac's remote in my hand we watched Esinem doing the Japanese box-tie or Takate Toke step-by-step and I mirrored his movements.

My love was very patient and after a mere fifteen minutes I had finished the tie and was rather satisfied with the result.  
Esinem goes a whole length to explain everything crystal-clear.

I was sitting behind Princess and I pulled the center column of the tie moving my love backwards and close to me, the back of her head resting on my shoulder. Glided my hand softly over her throat, down over the curves of her breasts towards her belly and then lower.

I touched her gently, pushing and making circling movements with my fingertips over her clit. The fabric of her panties felt soft and I increased the pressure of my petting. Princess' breathing intensified, she was quickly getting there.  
Not even seconds later I felt how an ejaculation soaked her panties.  
"Oh my", she sighed.  
I didn't stop fondling her sensitive area though, as I could feel how aroused my love still was.  
Then a second ejaculation and she moaned and groaned and thanked me a zillion times.  
Being tied does that to Princess, it makes her so very hot.

I held her in my arms until her breathing had calmed down. Then I rolled Princess over on her stomach and finished our rope session with a hog-tie. After untying Princess we drank tea and then made love again. My love enjoyed my playful tongue that led her to one more orgasm.  
By then I couldn't hold myself anymore so I took her and she climaxed a fourth time.

Princess will have some writing to do in her Orgasm Diary, that I can tell you.

The evening had been a wonderful one and then Princess had to drive back home. We kissed and she told me being bound is a huge incentive that adds to our lovemaking as much as pain does.

Thank you, Princess, for traveling with me.  
Your kindness, patience, curiosity and, above all, your unconditional love has opened a whole new world for me.  
It is a real honor to discover and share all this with you, my love.

Yes, that is what I do. I love you more than anything in the world.

Back to The Fetish Cafe – January 6, 2014

Saturday, January 4th.  
After descending the steep steps we entered the dimly lit bar of The Fetish Cafe.  
I took our coats to the cloakroom and then Princess and I sat down at the bar where I ordered two glasses of white wine.  
We were finally back again and we immediately felt at home. The last time we were here was in December when we attended the Shibari workshop.

Princess was simply gorgeous with her short and very sexy black dress I bought her in Germany, beautiful black boots and very erotic stay-ups I gave her for Christmas.

Only a few couples were present but it was still early and little by little the cellar was filled with the colorful people we feel at ease with.

A few Doms had their sub on a leash. At occasions one of them walked around, alone, their Master out for a smoke, holding themselves the leash. With all respect but I found it a silly sight. Another Dom was sitting on a sofa, his legs resting on the back of his sub who sat on the floor, on her knees and lower-arms, his personal foot-stool.

I didn't waste much time and took Princess to the Dungeon for some play. A combination of spanking and whipping was alternated with some kissing, stroking and teasing that sensitive spot of Princesses delicious body.

Although I brought her close to climaxing on several occasions I did not push my love over the cliff.  
At our very first visit Princess told me she would feel very uncomfortable climaxing in public. I don't cross the lines she has drawn and if anything changes I'm sure I'll be the first to know.

We did not stay long at the Fetish Cafe. Princess had to get up early the next day.  
After arriving at home we spend some erotic and sensual quality time before switching off the lights.

The next day I had some reflections though. Yes, we had a great time, Princess and I.  
Yet observing the other visitors play I only saw whipping, spanking and a little role play. Not much inspiration or originality and this makes me sad.  
For example the Dungeon offers so many possibilities and erotic furniture to use for tying someone against or over.

Next time I'll do some extensive rope play with Princess.  
Ah, our next visit...  
We will be celebrating her birthday at that occasion.  
I'll make sure it will be an unforgettable experience for Princess.

Stay-ups

Playing Mat – January 6, 2014

###

My apartment's floor is stone tiled. Through their nature they are hard, cold and tend to get very slippery when wet. Not ideal for playing or lovemaking.

Our bed is wide, 180 centimeters, and ideal for simple lovemaking. The softness of the mattress supports one of our favorite positions. We love lying on our sides, facing one another and I am able to hold Princess very close.

There are some drawbacks too. Our bed creaks and at night, when everything is quiet, one gets the impression the noise is deafening.

Princess tends to get very wet and often ejaculates when climaxing. Getting up after making love and turning the mattress over and changing sheets has a certain charm at the beginning but that wears off very quickly. Believe me.

One morning I even had to pull the mattress outside on my terrace so it could dry in the summer sun. Unfortunately this was on an early Sunday morning when my street is crowded due to the weekly fair. I could hear the people whisper 'hey look up there; some dirty sob peed in his bed'.

Months ago I bought a one person's sleeping mat. It was a waste of money. Much too soft, not wide enough and very slippery when wet. Princess and I used it once and now it is handy in the summer when I want to lie down on my terrace and work on my tan.

Princess and I needed something modular, easy to clean, not hard and not soft either.  
few weeks ago, while visiting a huge store selling baby stuff and toys we finally found a solution.

We bought 3 packs, each containing 4 blue colored foam tiles measuring 60cm by 60cm and 10mm thick. One side is smooth, the other rough and in no time we can create a soft surface to play or for rope bondage.  
Three tiles connected together fit well under our couch so we are playing on no time.  
Unfortunately they get slippery too when wet but one can cover them with a bed sheet or so.  
The tiles are a bargain as they only cost 19€ per pack.  
Several colors are available.

I've found them on eBay too, labeled EVA _Floor Kids Play Puzzle Mat_ or _EVA Foam Mat_.

I hope this information was useful.  
Have fun!

Eva Foam Mat - rough side.

Thoughts - January 8th, 2014

I had an awesome Wednesday and it started when I woke up a first time this morning. Seven it was and Princess left for work. Got a quick kiss and off she was, leaving me with this glorious feeling of intense happiness. Every day I am aware of the fact how a lucky man I am with such a great, loving and caring woman at my side.

The alarm of my iPhone pulled me out of a deep sleep at 10:45.  
Made some coffee, took a quick shower, walked to the post office to pick up a parcel. It contains a gift for Princess, a black kimono. I'm sure it will add to our rope play in some way or another.

Shortly after midday Little A. came by and we immediately left, picked up a friend of her and I drove them both to a huge shopping mall near Antwerp.

I had given my youngest an IOU as a Christmas present. I knew she needed a coat. Little A. planned to use the gift during the 6-week Sales period that starts in the first week of January.

Kids will be kids and she is at an age when they don't want to be seen, even dead, with their parents. I'm just a taxi and a walking ATM but I don't care as long as Little A. has fun.

In the mall we went separate ways. I went into a bookstore and bought, for the first time in long, two 'real' books. Both by one of my favorite authors, the German born but now Canadian Douglas Coupland who writes postmodernism literature.

I started reading 'The Gum Thief' while I sat on a wooden bench for almost two hours, waiting patiently for Little A. and G, her friend.

I left the bench only twice. Once when I badly needed to take a leak and half an hour later to grab a quick bite at Sbarro's. Those spaghetti slurpers really know how to make delicious and tasty take-out food. Hell, I should know, was married to one for almost 17 years.

Little A. texted me on regularly, something she knows I appreciate. One of her messages made me sigh in relief. My youngest daughter had set her mind on a coat from Superdry but found it was way too expensive. Yes my dear Little A., one pays for a name yet there is no added value except for the brand.

Little A. finally found a coat but she feared I would not like it.  
I liked it very much because it looked great on her.

After I paid and Little A. had hugged me she then was concerned about her mother's reaction. I told her it didn't matter as long as she, Little A. felt well with what she wears as it is, at that age, also a statement.

Yes, I had a wonderful day.

After posting this I'm going to continue reading a captivating romantic and erotic love story in the Kindle App on my iPad Air.

"The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl" by Kayla Lords is fun, hot and touching.  
Did I mention it is also very well written?

Ropes, Sex and Orgasms – January 9, 2014

Past Tuesday evening was once again awesome.  
Princess and I talked for a while. I'm still feeling guilty about our Christmas argument, fearing it may have changed something in Princesses feelings. Sometimes I need a lot of reassurance. We all have our past, our issues and nobody is free from old daemons lurking deep in our memories, impatient to show their ugly faces.

We had a glass of wine and while I got my stuff Princess assembled the mat and lit some candles.

I ordered her to strip naked except for her briefs.  
Practiced the one column and two column tie and I'm sure I can now tie them without reflection.  
Then I started the instruction video on my iMac and exercised some more on the box-tie once again. I want to get this one in my fingers. It is a good starting point for more extensive and decorative Shibari.

My lovely Princess enjoyed the session intensely, closing her eyes and savoring the roughness of the rope on her skin. The added harsh movements I made now and then helped create a gratifying séance for my love. Princess loves been handled in a rough way when we make love.

I finished the tie but wasn't very happy with the result. I've the impression I did a better job past Sunday.

I then grabbed the central stem of ropes on her back and pushed her forward over the back of our sofa for some spanking and whipping. Princess came close to relief but she knew she was not allowed to do so yet.  
Pulled her back again, pushed my foot against the back of a leg forcing her on the knees. I presented my hard on and Princess touched the gland with the tip of her tongue before taking me in completely. Grabbed her hair and started moving her head for my maximum pleasure.

When I came close to unloading I pushed her away, forcing her on her back. I quickly got the glass dildo out of the fridge.  
Princess moaned when I slowly draw a line with the cold glass from her lips over her throat, teasing her nipples and then further where her hot and longing mound was eagerly waiting for release.  
"Oh my god...." Princess sighed when her clit came in contact with the chilly dildo, followed by a groan when I slowly pushed it into her.

My measured movements gradually pushed her further and further to the top and when I added a vibrator on her clit, just for fun, Princess could not hold it anymore and came with a scream, her whole body shaking and muttering a barely audible 'thank you Milord'.  
"Don't forget to write it down in you diary", I told her.

I lay next to her, on my back and ordered her to give me a good ride. Princess crouched down and sank little by little over me, something she can't do in bed because the mattress is too soft.

It felt darn good that way and I started instigating Princess with some mind fucking.  
"Give it to me girl, spray your juices over my belly," I growled.  
"Let it flow baby, squirt on me," I continued, underlining my words with some fierce nipple pinching.  
My love went in overdrive and soon I felt her warm juices flow over my belly and along my balls.  
"You can do better, girl. I want more", I snapped.  
Princess moaned while I felt how she squirted abundantly, experiencing multiple orgasms.

It didn't take long after that for Princess to fall next to me, completely used up.  
My backside was wet, the mat is water-repellent, and my belly and balls soaked and sticky, the room filled with that delicious scent of sex.  
"This was so intense, thank you Milord," Princess whispered after she finally cached her breath.  
I smiled.

"Poor thing," I said, "you have a huge problem."  
"I know, I have no idea how many times I came. I'll do my best writing it down in my diary."  
"Good girl", I answered. "Next time you're here there will be a surprise waiting for you."  
"You are spoiling me, Milord."

I bought her a beautiful black silk kimono and I'm convinced it will add to our rope play. I'm pretty sure the combination of rough jute and the cool and sensual touch of the soft fabric on Princess' skin will make her shiver of pure desire.

Rope bondage has added spice and even more intimacy not the mention how it arouses Princess.

Jute and cotton

### Back to "4" – January 10, 2014

Yesterday evening we went to "4" again.

There was no moon. The sky above our head was inky black. But the sky on the horizon was not dark at all. It was shot with pale orange and spots of crimson red. This densely populated area generates so much light pollution we have forgotten how a starry night on a cold winter's day looks like.

Princess and I accompanied Stella and Star. Her eldest daughter had a follow-up meeting with her psychiatrist.

After work I drove to Stella's and picked them both up. She was a little nervous because she could not find the clinical thermometer. Baby Star had some vaccination shots earlier that day and her mum feared she was running a fever. As it often is with Stella such little and to us insignificant things can push her out of her still fragile balance.

Soon after we arrived at my place Princess arrived too and then we left for the Mother/Baby Care Unit, an hour's drive from where we live.

The place had changed since last September when Stella was discharged. There were already construction works going on at that time and now they were finished.

The Mother/Baby Care Unit had moved to a new and bright bungalow style compound. While we waited for Stella my future wife and I played with little Star and we had such great fun.

I felt so happy. Stella was back in my life and vice versa after the dinner party that went so wrong almost two months ago. It felt so good playing with Star and her chuckles warmed my heart. This was something I really had missed.

After the session with her psychiatrist Stella came back all smiling in anticipation of what was next. Princess and I had promised to take her for a quick bite to a McDonald's.

We enjoyed the fast food and even more just being together, light-hearted and happy. Smiling at each other, talking about nothing special and trying to make Star taste a French fry. She dropped each of them on the floor and then looked down in amazement wondering why they didn't run away or whatever babies wonder about.

After we dropped Stella and Star at her place we went home and for a while I held Princess in my arms. I then helped her out of her top and bra and in her kimono. She loved it, enjoying the soft touch of the satin on her skin. It looked great on her, my love, my Holy Grail, my everything.

I gently pushed Princess on her knees and did the box-tie again, this time without any instruction video. Of course I didn't get it all right but it was a fun experience for us both and very arousing as I was able to make my moves more sensual, playing with the strokes of the rope on her skin.

Needless to say that when I finally played with Princess her relief was intense and, as always, plentiful. Princess has 2 extra items to write about in her Orgasm Diary.

The evening was running to its end and the night eagerly waiting to swallow us up into the unconsciousness of sleep we were craving for.

We slept well, Princess and I, so close in each other's arms.

### Simply Love – January 13, 2014

Yesterday evening Princess and I just sat in front of the 27" iMac, lazy and leisurely. We sipped and savored the peated single malt whisky Princess got me as a new year's present. For a while we talked about nothing special, simply enjoying being together, floating on this vast ocean of intense and unconditional love.

Then we watched an excellent movie, "Lost in Translation", directed by Sofia Coppola. After that we briefly talked about the movie and went to bed.  
Princess and I kissed and after that I turned the lights off. I held my love in my arms while we slowly sank away into deep sleep.

It was one of these rare occasions that we didn't make love. What was hovering between us was so intense, so warm we had no need for anything else.

Yesterday evening was one of those intense evenings where we felt so close and, more important, complete. An evening shrouded with a powerful glowing golden veil, settling in our memories and filling our hearts with so much love and devotion and where words are futile.

This morning it struck me, a forceful lightning, the past evening still lingering in my mind.  
I have never ever loved someone as much as I do Princess.

I would never have imagined what real and pure love is until now.  
With Princess.

### Boys And Their Toys – January 15, 2014

My chest-of-drawers is getting filled with toys as a turkey being prepared for Thanksgiving. I'll need a second one very soon and I am not talking about a turkey.

Drawer one contains pleasurable things like a piece of soft fur or dildo's and vibrators.  
The second one is dedicated to pain. You'll find the Wartenberg Wheel, clamps, 2 pairs of chopsticks, weights to use with the clover clamps and so on.  
You'll find jute and some cotton rope in the third drawer.  
The last one is for miscellaneous stuff like a gag-ball, restraints, carabineers, blindfolds.  
My whips and crops hang against the wall on hooks behind the bedroom door next to Princess's kimono.

This early morning I walked to the post office to collect a parcel containing some stuff I had ordered.

 **A feather crop**

The crops I own are too long to take with me when we go to the Fetish Cafe, much to Princess's dismal. This one is much shorter and has a feathery side.  
Made by Pipedream

Pipedream feather crop

Transcend Flexing Massager by Vibetronics

I don't like the color and would have preferred black. Anyway this stylish looking product hosts 10 functions in different sorts of vibrations and pulsations and 5 speeds. Combined with the glass dildo for example I guess this will be a mind-blowing experience for Princess.

Transcend Flexing Massager by Vibetronics

### When one thing leads to another – January 16, 2014

I'm currently enjoying "The Gum Thief", a novel written by Douglas Coupland and it is a real book that I am reading.

Douglas Coupland is one of my favorite authors. He has a distinct and very direct style. The observations he makes are always spot-on.

"The Gum Thief" contains a novel within a novel, "Glove Pond" and the author of this embedded novel is Roger.

_Roger is a divorced alcoholic in his 40s with a characteristically Couplandian "McJob", selling office supplies at Staples. When he began the novel long ago, Roger had serious ambitions as a writer, but since the death of his son and the breakup of his marriage, his life has gone adrift and the only writing he does is a bit of journal-keeping. One of his co-workers, a young Goth named Bethany, comes upon a sort of appropriation of her own persona in this journal, after he leaves it in the coffee-room by mistake. Infuriated but also intrigued, she persuades him to enter into a correspondence with her, in which they will describe their lives to each other in written notes. This somewhat unlikely contrivance expands gradually to include notes from Bethany's mother and Roger's ex-wife, as well as excerpts from the campily funny "Glove Pond" which, with Bethany's encouragement, Roger takes up again._ (excerpt from a book review – The Guardian )

In this embedded novel we meet a drunken, disappointed academic couple, Steve and Gloria. They play host to a thrusting young literary talent named Kyle Falconcrest and his wife, Brittany.

When I read the bitter dialogues between Steve and Gloria and how they deal with each other it sounded very familiar. It took me a few days before I finally recognized it and was reminded of a movie I saw many, many years ago, to young at that time to fully understand it.  
Remembered Richard Burton played in this film and with some help of IMDB.com I found the movie.

So yesterday evening I watched a great 1966 movie directed by Mike Nichols. Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor, George Segal and Sandy Dennis are awesome in this movie about a bitter erudite couple, who with the help of alcohol, spend the evening trading vicious barbs in front of their horrified and fascinated guests they are using to fuel anguish and emotional pain towards each other.

Based on a play by Edward Albee this movie "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" is a punch in the stomach and leaves the viewer breathless. I loved the apparent electricity between Burton and Taylor who were married at that time.  
It is clear that the relation between Nick (Segal) and Honey (Sandy Dennis) is under a huge strain during this seemingly endless evening and probably the bruises will never really heal.

At the end of the movie everything comes together. Nick and Honey go back to pick the pieces of their shattered life up. George has given his wife Martha a final mental blow.

So many things are left unsaid and unexplained. Watching the end is like looking at the world after a violent storm.

There is no **The End** but when the last frame of the movie freezes the words EXIT MUSIC appear while the final music score continues for a long while.

What a movie and such a mind-blowing experience.

Music From The Cosmos – January 17, 2014

There was a time, long ago, when I had acne and felt lost and abandoned. Add to that not being understood, feeling unattractive, raging hormones and only masturbation as an outlet valve.  
I was a 17-year old adolescent in need. If I had known at that time my first fuck was scheduled 4 years in the future I would have shot myself.

Not everything was that bad though. There was booze, my mother liked it and didn't mind me enjoying it too.  
Even more important was the fact there were 3 cinemas in my hometown and in one of them I handled the twin projectors.  
I saw a zillion movies and most of them for free.

I saw "Histoire d'O" and was awakened but that too would take a long time before it would be fulfilled.

I had a collection of original movie posters but I lost them on the road while I travelled from chick to chick.

Hoping to find the One. Hell, if I would have known the Love Of My Life was waiting for me 30 years in the future I would have shot myself.

Obviously one does better not know the whole picture.  
Yes, it was the seventies yet not everything was that bad though. Take this radio program for instance, Music from the Cosmos.

If Britt Ekland and Agnetha Fältskog (remember guys, we are taking about the 70s) were making out in my bedroom, and asking me, with their bedroom eyes, to join them during the program I would have answered with a harsh 'hush women, shut the fuck up.'

Well, let's cut the crap. Even without that program I would have said the same, as I would have shit my pants in such a situation.

Music from the Cosmos was a highbrow radio program where an impersonal voice would read Nietzsche or some other less known philosopher. In between these readings one would hear music by Tangerine Dream, Klaus Schulze, Popol Vuh and other representatives of the electronic avant-garde.

Even today, 40 years later, I am aware that a little part of me was formed by this radio program. I still adore this music and it are waves of sound I like to surf.  
I was an innocent kid back then but troubled with hopes, wishes, longings and dreams. That fucking pain too, that very tangible feeling of the loss of my father, attacking me, pushing me on my knees in tears so often.

It is only now that I can say I have it all.

Princess is the most important as she is my today and my future.

Yesterday evening I tied Princess on the eclectic sounds of Tangerine Dream's 'Rubycon'.  
One of the circles in my life is now complete.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd6XL_IOS3I>

Thoughts - January 18th, 2014

Yesterday evening, for the first time in more than a month, Princess and I went dancing. We don't see each other often on a Friday evening, her daughters come home from their student rooms and during the week they miss their mother.  
Princess came from a New Year's party her work had organized so nobody at her home was waiting for her.

Past Saturday we also went to the Salsa Café but there was no Salsa music anymore and no dancing. On Saturday evenings the café is now simply a cocktail bar hosting a different public.  
Princess and I enjoyed dancing Salsa. At first we were a bit rusty when we stepped on the dance but soon the moves came back. Hell, I love dancing with Princess. Holding her in my arms, floating on the goading music, seeing her smile, feeling how happy she is and being so close to one another is simply heaven.

We chitchatted with a nice couple and they invited us to a Salsa party next Friday. It sounded like fun and later on, while I walked Princess to her car, she proposed going out, every now and again, on a Friday instead of a Saturday.  
That is a great idea.

Previously that evening I took Little A. to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. The food was delicious and my youngest daughter and I had a ton of fun and even if she is still a kid I love talking with her.

It is obvious I started the weekend well.

This evening Princess is coming over and will stay for the night.  
I love traveling through the night holding my love in my arms.  
It is so wonderful waking up next to Princess.

Thoughts - January 19th, 2014

There is so much I want and need to write about. Musings mainly, experiences too of course.  
Mainly I need to write about these incredible and very positive changes in my life. It is always in movement and when Princess and I overmastered a new horizon there is already another one looming.  
I am now living the best part of my life. It is the only thing I'm sure about.

Yesterday, Saturday afternoon, I had a swell time with Little A. We went shopping, taking advantage of this sales period that is running towards its end with 50% - 70% off regular prices.

I spoiled my youngest daughter with T-shirts and other clothes and I bought myself three shirts. A black one of course, and a dark Bordeaux one that fits me like a tight glove but I love the anthracite linen one I got for 50% of its regular price at Jack & Jones. Hell, I am going to be sharp dressed or not?

Later on I fetched Princess.  
I rang the doorbell and counted till ten before opening the door.  
"Come in", she told me.

The Boy was sitting in the large L-shaped couch and mumbled something barely audible when I said 'hi'.

"Take a seat", Princess said.

Fuck, that was a new one and it was obvious she wanted us to move a small step forward without freaking him out.

I wasn't allowed to make a mistake and with every move I had to act like a bull in a china shop. This was really a very fragile setup: The Boy, alone, against his mother and her lover, a-tug-of-war, all of us put through our paces.

I choose for that part of the couch that was the farthest and has no backrest so I would not be tempted laying back and feel at home.

We talked about movies and hard disks, The Boy and I and he was not aware of the fact his mom left the room for a moment.

It was a huge leap for us both and I am so very grateful that even here we, Princess and I are, finally, making progress.

Back at home Little A. showed her new clothes as she finds Princess' opinion important.  
We saw a movie, "50 First Dates" and after that we went to bed.

This morning I drove Princess back home. We picked up Stella and Star and then I parked my car on the driveway of Princess' house.

The garbage bin was lying on the ground and its contents spread around.

Stella suddenly screamed "OMG, there is an animal in your garbage bin."  
Princess and I heard snorting sound and scratching and while she held Stella in her arms I approached the bin and carefully lifted the cover.

Hell, it was Flower, Princess' pig who had managed to tip the bin over and looking for something eatable got trapped inside.

Once freed the pig made a lot different noises, some of them sounded like panic or stress.  
I petted the animal but that didn't help so Princess fetched some pig-candy and gave it to me so I could feed Flower.

Yes, it was an awesome morning and once again Princess and I were so close to one another.

### About creativity – January 20, 2014

###

Photography has always been one of my major passions yet it was only after I divorced I started being creative. All the years before photography was more about documenting my daughters and family trips. To be completely honest I don't remind ever being stimulated by my Ex and most of the time they did not like me taking a camera on an excursion.

Cap Blanc-Nez

In April 2007 I took Little and Big A. on a weekend trip to the French  Opal Coast, my first visit to this region that starts in Calais and extends to Boulogne-Sur-Mer and even further, to Berck.

I fell in love with the area and over the next couple of years I would go on weekend several times each year. Alone.  
The wide and deserted seascapes inspired me and the obelisk on Cap Blanc Nez a returning item in lots of my photographs.

Poles, Sangatte

People started appreciating my work although I still thought of it as simply a collection of nice looking shots.

One evening, exhausted after a long day of hiking and climbing with my rucksack filled with lenses and 2 Nikon cameras, neutral density filters and so on, I was in my hotel room looking at a day's worth of work.  
Suddenly one image attracted my attention and then yet another one cached my eye. Hell I thought, did I really make these gorgeous photographs?  
It was the first time I gleamed with pride looking at my creations and it was a very satisfying experience. Finally I felt as if I had achieved something, that I had arrived at a point where I realized my work was more than a collection of simple yet pretty shots.

Digue Carnot, Boulogne-Sur-Mer

During the winter I made extreme close-ups of the reproductive organs of flowers, floral erotica as I liked to call them.

I continued going to the Opal Coast and photographing, expressing my intense feelings of loneliness and my longing for love and romantics in images of solitude.

In 2010 I held my first exposition followed by several others in and around Antwerp. The grand finale came in June 2012 when I held an exposition in the Cultural Center of my home town, a goal I had set years earlier. I still consider this exposition as my last one, my swan song as it were.

I had found with Princess incredible deep and intense love and I didn't feel lonely or empty anymore. When Princess arrived in my life my photographic muse left me, stamping her feet with jealousy.

Gradually Princess inspired me more and more and now I consider her as my muse. Princess had become the center of my creativity.

When we moved from a vanilla relation to a D/s one Princess suggested I would start blogging about our experiences. Thus I returned to an old love of mine I had neglected for almost two decades. I find writing very satisfying.

Princess told me she would love to be my model for BDSM oriented photography. We tried but it didn't work as I felt I had nothing to add to the genre.

Recently we followed a Shibari workshop and tying up my love is not only a very intimate act but a creative one as well.  
I am sure over time I will be photographing Princess tied up in several settings. My love is a more than willing model. She is thrilled I'm finally going to use my camera for creative work again.

One thing I have been missing though are my visits to the Opal Coast. Princess and I visited this region two years ago. She loved comparing what she saw with the photographs I made.

Finally we are going back.  
In May we will be spending a weekend in Calais.  
Boy am I looking forward to this trip.

Imagine Princess, dressed in rope, on a deserted beach, gloriously lit by an abundant shining sun lighting her beautiful body, enveloping it with a ravishing golden light.  
And me capturing her sheer beauty.

### A new playdate – January 23, 2014

Next week Ar's internship ends and this means Princess won't be fetching her daughter and dropping her at her student room before driving back home around 23:30. On such evenings, generally twice a week, Princess comes over to my place for the remainder of the night.  
O boy, I love this so much, ending the day with Princess, travelling through the night with her spooned in my arms. Starting a new day with a kiss.  
I hope Princess will still be able to crash once in a while at our place.

Soon it will be Princesses birthday and we are going to celebrate in the Fetish Cafe during the monthly Fetish Lounge Club in the Antwerp Fetish Cafe. We'll keep a low profile so there will be no Doms, subs or slaves chanting "happy birthday to U".

Yet I do have planned something special with Princesses approval of course. We are going to do a rope bondage act, no suspension mind you, and lately we have been practicing a lot.

The idea is to start with a basic Takate Kote adding embellishments around the shoulders and between her breasts. There will be more of course but the box-tie is the starting point.  
Princess will be wearing her beautiful black silk kimono and a blindfold. The latter so my love can concentrate completely on the experience of being bound and because I don't want her to be distracted by possible spectators.

Shibari is still very new for me so of course I don't master it yet. I still have to concentrate on the technical aspect of knotting. This implies that I am still far from being familiar enough with roping to develop my style.

For now I'll be looking at others and my temporary style is kind of mix of Esinem's intense sensuality and eroticism and the more seemingly "unemotional" and more Dominant Wykd Dave. I like the ending of the attached clip where Wykd Dave and his partner, Clover, perform a simple suspension.  
Check Dave's site too, Rope-topia.com, it is worth your visit and time.

This evening Princess and I will spend a few hours fine-tuning our little act. We will be playing too of course.  
I am so looking forward having Princess at my place and play with her.

### A new playdate, the day after – January 24, 2014

###

I had everything prepared when Princess arrived yesterday evening. Candles, most of them self-made, burning everywhere so my living room seemed painted with golden light.  
I had moved the chest-of-drawers and the church chair from our bedroom to the living room, both set strategically. One of the drawers was already pulled open, the ropes within reach.

We kissed and I directed my love to the sofa where we drank white wine and talked for a while, like couples do after a long day at work.

I listened to her worries about Bo who is super stressed because of her exams at the university. At the same time Princesses iPhone said 'ting' on several occasions. Apparently Stella was once again in overdrive texting all sorts of stuff as if she was tweeting.

Then it was time to play and I started a new playlist with music by Philip Glass.  
On the mat I kissed Princess and then grabbed her by the hair, turning her around and at the same time pushing my future wife on her knees.  
I kneeled behind her and with my arms over her chest I gradually pulled the kimono open giving me access to her gorgeous and firm breasts.

I grabbed a coil of rope, pulled it open and started a box-tie. It went smooth and after finishing the tie I embellished one of her legs by weaving black cotton rope around it in a repeating pattern.

After making a few photographs for our personal diary I turned Princess on her stomach, tied her legs together at the ankles with a double column tie and pulled them up finishing off with a hog-tie.

I took time for some spanking and kissing before slowly untying Princess making sure her skin was caressed abundantly with the rough jute rope.

For a while I held my love in my arms, kissing her and stroking Princesses face and hair while we listened to the music and sipped wine. We both felt so close to one another, so very much in love.

With the powerful Transcend Flexing Massager I brought Princess to a couple of very intense orgasms.  
It exhausted her and Princess shuddered in my arms while I soothed her by gently stroking her back.  
"That was so delicious. Thank you Milord", she sighed.  
"This will be even better", I smiled, kissing both her nipples ever so softly before going down, tracing a line with the tip of my tongue, lingering for a few seconds at her belly button before pleasing her, drinking her delicious juices, teasing that little nub.  
It didn't take long before Princess went over that well-known cliff again.

I so enjoy sating Princess in every way I can.

"Another tie?" I asked her.  
"Sure", Princess muttered with a timid smile.  
"On your knees then", I commanded.

Once again I kneeled behind Princess and very slowly helped her out of the kimono making every move as sensual as possible.

I tied a box-tie and I think I have it now in my fingers.  
Finally I could concentrate on pleasing Princess with the touch rope and trying to make my movements fluid and erotic. Her lush body is so inspiring.

It was a very intense and arousing experience for us both and I did not feel any hesitation in my knotting movements. Of course I checked my work and obviously noticed some flaws.  
Don't forget, I'm still an absolute beginner.

"I love you so much", Princess told me pushing me on my back.  
We ended the evening with fireworks when my love straddled me and drove me to a maddening orgasm that seemingly kept on going while I felt her juices run lavishly over my belly and thighs.

We both came at the same time and Princess screamed once, an intense and primal squeal.  
I still feel and hear its echo in my heart and soul, mating with the sound of her voice and laughter I cherish in my mind and senses.

We slept well, Princess and I, in each other's arms and much to early this morning my iPhone buzzed me out of oblivion.

Princess, I love you so much.

### Going out dancing – January 27, 2014

Past Friday evening we, Princess and I, went dancing.

The Friday before we went dancing too, in the Cohibar just around the corner and where we followed our Salsa lessons.  
We met this nice couple and we talked about nothing special, bought each other some drinks and watched them dancing and vice versa.  
They invited us for a Salsa evening organized by their club the week after and I made mental notes of the driving instructions the guy gave me.

So past Friday evening we went dancing, Princess and I.

We drove for 20 some minutes and arrived in the correct street without finding anything that resembled to a Salsa style café. There was a pub, yes. People were playing pool and darts and the music was playing so loud we could hear it in the car. It was no salsa and there was no dancing though.

We looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and I drove further arriving at the same point 10 minutes later.

"Let's get out of the car", I said, "and do some reconnaissance on foot."  
"Aye aye, Sir", Princess chuckled.

It did not take long before we noticed some flickering laser lights against the ceiling of a first floor room next to the pub. We headed for the entrance and were greeted by the guy we met the week before and who was standing outside having a smoke.  
"Nice you could come," he smiled, shaking my hand and kissing Princess on the cheek.  
We followed him to the first floor where we entered a big, sparsely decorated, public space. The lights were dim and a few laser lights, controlled by the Salsa music, drew geometric figures on the white ceiling.

Why the hell are all those parish halls so fucking uninviting?

Immediately I not only missed the atmosphere and cosines of "our" Cohibar but also its public.

With all due respect this were all elderly people, most of them probably retired. The men dressed as if they just came from a fishing trip or a walk in the woods and even the women had no style at all. It was all but glamorous or engaging.  
There we stood, Princess and I, all dressed up in a group scene only Fellini could have imagined.

We had a beer, Princess and I, and we talked with the couple for a while and it soon became obvious we had nothing to say to each other.

"Let's dance," I urged Princess.  
"This is really very slow Salsa," she answered with an undercurrent of uncertainness in her voice.  
"Damn you girl, just follow my moves," I hissed.

We danced, Princess and I.  
Boy did we dance.  
I danced with Princess as sensual as I could, holding her close, kissing her and moving, I hope, gracefully and smoothly, over a dance floor I had to get accustomed to. It was made from some slippery material and I had to be careful not to lose control over my feet. This floor was so different from the wooden one in the Cohibar I was now missing very much.  
Princess does not like me to be sensual or erotic too much with her in a public place. It makes her feel uncomfortable and most of the time I respect her feelings.  
Not this evening though, I felt too boisterous to do so.

Later on that evening we stood alone at a table. Our temporary acquaintances had forgotten our presence and were chatting and laughing with their friends.  
We didn't mind though. Princess pointed to the heavy wooden roof beams and then we were fantasizing of BDSM possibilities and even starting a road show.

We danced some more and people observed us, as we were, that evening, clearly the odd man out.

Everybody was dancing Puerto Rican Salsa where they move only in one axis. Princess and I dance Cuban style meaning Princess moves in a complete circle around me while I move also 360° around my own axis. It is more sensual and closer too.

A woman approached our table and without taking notice of Princess asked me if I wanted to dance. I saw how Princess barely could hide her amusement. She knows how much I hate such situations.  
"No thank you," I dryly told the daring chick, "I don't master this style of salsa."  
She went.

"You know Darling, it is not abnormal that people not only dance with their partners, after all this is a social event," Princess told me with a glint in her beautiful eyes.

"Oh?" I answered, raising an eyebrow, "so I gather you would love to dance with other men then?"

"No, that is not what I meant, but..."  
"So you are saying that if we are at the Fetish Café it would be normal if a Dom came to me asking my permission to play with you? After all the monthly Fetish Lounge Club we attend is also a social gathering."  
"No, of course not," my love replied in dismay.  
I love teasing Princess.  
Princess pointed out it would not be polite to say no when one comes over and asks for a dance.  
I told Princess I expect such a man to be mannerly and ask for my permission first. After all we are kind of married.

Princess knows I have an issue with her dancing with somebody else. It is not because I'm jealous or uncertain about our relation or myself but it has more to do with a few bad experiences that are triggered. It has nothing to do with Princess, I trust her with my life.

The evening flowed by in an atmosphere of gentle festivity and none of the men present were courageous enough to ask Princess for a dance. I guess none of them were tired of life enough to ask my permission.

Much later we called it a day and left not after saying bye to our new and I guess already ex friends.

While I drove Princess to her place she told me she had noticed, during the evening, how several women had their eyes locked on me.  
It flattered me although I hadn't seen it and I certainly did not care. Hell I would not even have noticed if they had all engaged in some hot lesbian gangbang.

I am with Princess and she is the One, my Holy Grail, the meaning of my life.  
Princess is mine.  
And I am hers.  
Princess is the center of my universe and deserves my complete devotion.  
Other chicks?  
Hell, I couldn't care less.

I dropped Princess off at her place.  
It was Saturday, 00:45.

Princess was going to spend the remains of the night in the wrong bed.  
So was I.

### Car troubles – January 27, 2014

###

Like every morning during the week, except Wednesdays, I left home at 06:05, stepped in my car and started the 45' drive to work.  
About 15 kilometers further I pulled over at a gas station and filled my car up with diesel.

Got in again and noticed how my windshield wipers were doing their job and the headlights were burning too. It was strange as I had the ignition key still in my hand.  
I turned the ignition key but nothing happened. The start motor did not make a sound.  
My car was dead except for the wipers and the lights and there was no way to shut them down.  
I had no other option than pushing this heap of useless electronics, steel and whatever away from the fuel pumps to the nearby parking lot.  
Fuck, what a way to start a new working week.

I phoned my insurer for help as I also pay for assistance.  
We talked for about 10 minutes and just before hanging up I turned the ignition key once more with no hope at all.  
My car started immediately.

I drove back home, didn't risk to drive the 60 kilometers to my work, I wanted my car to be checked.

Little A. who is staying the week with me, was surprised to see me. I quickly explained my problem and she smiled as only my youngest can.  
"Great pops, would you mind making my sandwiches for school?"  
Of course I didn't mind and smeared lots of butter and even more love on them.  
In the garage they didn't find what was wrong. It is possible that humidity and cold caused a temporary short-circuit in the car's electronics.

At noon I fetched Princess from her work and we spend an hour at our place kissing and talking.  
"Mmmm," she told me, "I could fancy some spanking as I feel a little uptight."

I answered her call turning her delicious buttocks crimson red and just now, during our daily evening phone call, she told me she enjoyed the feeling the whole afternoon.  
"I love it when you spank me," Princess said, while I drove her back to work, "but I am afraid to ask you. I don't know why, it is an educational inheritance I guess."  
"You should never be afraid of asking me anything," I soothed her, "au contraire, it would make me very happy if you did ask me for a good spanking."  
"I'll do next time for sure," Princess promised.  
We kissed and then she was gone and I drove back home.  
I waited for Little A. to come home from school.

I made this photograph with Princess as my lovely model more than a year ago and it was our first, and last, attempt in BDSM style photography. There is really nothing that I can add to the genre.  
Now we have added rope bondage to our playing and that is something I really want to explore in images too.

Floral Macrophotography – January 28, 2014

Recently I wrote a post about my landscape photography, **About Creativity** , where I also mentioned my series "Floral Erotica".  
I would like to show a few examples.

They are all made with a Nikon D300 equipped with a Nikon PB-5 macro bellows, macro extension rings and a Sigma 180mm macro lens or a Nikon 50mm with a ring reversing the lens on the bellows. All is set on a very sturdy tripod. This makes it possible to get a 10x magnification.

Every shot is triggered by a radio emitter and starts a 6" delay on the camera before the shutter goes off. All this with the intention to minimize shake.  
I use few 180 watt second studio flashes because working at apertures around f11 ask lots of light. I cannot close the diaphragm more because image quality will deteriorate quickly at f16 and further.

The depth of field is extremely limited, focusing is very difficult and when a bus or a lorry passes in the street I can see my subject tremble due to the high magnification.

I love this style of photography because it is a technical challenge and discovering details at even a modest 10x magnification is very interesting.  
And I can do this at home while listening to my favorite music.

The flowers I get from a local florist.

Thoughts - January 29th, 2014

While I'm writing this post I'm listening to Philip Glass' Violin Concerto No. 2 titled The American Four Seasons. I particularly adore movement 2.  
It truly is a beautiful piece of music, touching me in such an intense way I always get very emotional.  
I added it to my playlist "Rope Bondage."

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsioM3GaAAY>

The way we, Princess and I, play, has recently shifted. I believe it to be a temporary one.

When Princess arrived at my place the first thing I used to do after we kissed was collaring and undressing her.  
On her high heels I lead her to the living room where she sat down on the church chair while I took place in front of her, comfortably in the couch. We would drink Shiraz and talk about the past day.  
Meanwhile I teased my love by moving the tip of my riding crop over her skin and sensitive parts.  
It would be the start of intense playing.

After we followed the Shibari workshop last December using rope started to trickle in the way we play.  
I am who I am and when I get hooked on something that fascinates me I tend to dig into the matter as deep as I can. Yes, I am aware I sometimes do exaggerate.

Our playing had become less rough with less spanking or whipping or all those other things Princess and I enjoy.

Instead I am exercising whenever I can with rope and kinds of knots and others ways to tie. I am even searching for bamboo poles so I can include them in the setups.

Let me be clear on one thing though. I am not working to learn and do suspensions. I am still a complete novice and lack any experience whatsoever and of course I do not want to harm Princess, the love of my life and future wife in any way.  
I know Princess would love to experience suspension though. So I'm thinking of putting some money aside and maybe we could afford following a more intensive workshop next year.

Last night I held Princess in my arms. Kissed her, pulling her hair, my hands on her throat. Biting in her breasts, nipples, shoulders and arms while spanking her. No rope.  
It was maddening and Princess dived several times off that cliff into a warm ocean of soothing release.

We slept well, Princess and I, as we always do when we travel through the night together.

Just another day – January 29, 2014

I woke up at 06:45 with Princess lying next to me. It is such a fine feeling starting the day with my love.  
Whispering a good morning followed by a hug and a kiss.  
Not that I did get out of bed though, it is Wednesday, my free day.  
We briefly kissed and off to work she went.

I turned around and moved to where I still could feel her warmth.  
Before everything faded away I could vaguely hear little A. getting ready for school.

I don't think I dreamt and at 10 my alarm clock woke me up a second time.  
While drinking coffee I checked my mail and did some writing.  
At noon I started cooking. Little A. is staying a whole week with me and I am enjoying every moment at its fullest. This Friday there is no school so I took a day off at work to be with my daughter.

We both enjoyed our meal and afterwards we went shopping. This Sunday its Princess' birthday.

Little A. found something to surprise my love with. Then my youngest gave her honest opinion on what I had found for Princess.

It is a unique and handcrafted thingamajig and the nice shop lady did her best gift wrapping the thing. She told me I could exchange the item for something else but I'm pretty sure Princess will be very happy with It.

Later on this afternoon I watched an old Joel Schumacher movie with Michael Douglas called "Falling Down" (1993). It tells the story of an unemployed defense worker frustrated with the various flaws he sees in society. He begins to psychotically and violently lash out against them.

I could not resist making an image from Princess' birthday present. That's what this post is about: teasing the love of my life.

You'll have to wait till Sunday morning my darling!

### Thoughts - January 30th, 2014

It is Friday and already the last day of the month. Although it has been freezing this night we cannot complain about the winter. We've seen no snow yet, there are no continuous low temperatures and outside the sun is shining.

No school today so little A. is at home and so am I as I took a day off from work to spend the day with her.

We're going to the laundry to wash her bed linen and in the afternoon we'll have to get some groceries. Two of her school friends are staying over tomorrow night and my "little" one wants Coca Cola, chips, popcorn and so on.  
I am happy for her and that way she is not home alone when Princess and I go out to the Fetish Club. It will be certainly past 02:00 Sunday when we'll be back at home and then I can give the love of my life her birthday present.

Princess came by yesterday evening. We talked about her day for a while, she had been really busy and then we watched a movie.

"The Iron Lady" is about Margaret Thatcher yet it is not a biography about her political life. The film is built on flashbacks and is mostly about saying goodbye.

Although her husband Dennis passed away almost 10 years ago Thatcher still feels and sees him around the house, talks to him and that are very moving moments.  
When at the end he leaves the house, when is finally able to let him go we, Princess and I both wept as it was a very intense and emotional scene.  
I shed some tears because I know some day, in a far future I hope, we'll have to say goodbye too.  
Princess was touched because not only did she find a very moving letter written by her ex-husband the day before yesterday but in a week it will be 3 or 4 years ago, I am not sure, he passed away. As always it will be a couple of difficult days for Princess' kids.

After we watched the film we went to bed and made intense love before falling asleep close to one another.

I love the nights I spend with Princess.

It feels so good holding Princess in my arms, sense her warm skin, feeling her heart beat and hearing her breathing.

I cannot start to write or say how much I care, cherish, respect and love Princess as the words needed to describe my feelings are simply unknown to humanity.

Princesses Birthday – February 2, 2014

Yesterday, Saturday evening, Princess and I went to The Fetish Cafe in Antwerp and we had a great time. I was so proud having Princess at my side, she is a breathtakingly beauty and has a heart of pure gold.  
It wasn't that crowded and it was a pleasure to find K and J sitting at a table. They are a very nice couple and acquaintances.  
We talked about lots of stuff till midnight when I wished Princess a very happy birthday and shortly after K and J left.

Play time. Finally.  
I escorted Princess to the Dungeon where I found a free spot to put down my black bag filled with goodies.

After helping Princess out of her dress and black lace bra I made her site astride a wooden chair and blindfolded her. Doms had their subs attached to all sorts of equipment and one woman, enclosed in a scaffold, was screaming and moaning while breathing heavily. The sounds of whipping, mixed with whimpering and soft cries echoed in the Dungeon. Princess had no visuals on what was happening in front of her, only the sound played with her imagination.  
That and me touching her.

I took my time tying a box-tie, adding lots of sensual movements while Princess's nipples stiffened and goose bumps covered her soft skin. Even after having watched Esinem's instruction movie googolplex times and trying it myself on a occasions at home I'm not sure I got the knotting on Princesses' back the way it should.

Finally I embellished the box-tie with a halter-neck tie crossing her back, over the shoulders, crossing between the breasts and back making it easy to squeeze the breasts by using the rope.

I kept Princess tied up for a while and then untied her very slowly, making sure caressing her skin with the rope as much as possible.

"Okay, up you get," I ordered my love, helping Princess from the chair and took her over to a small bench pushing her forward so she could rest with her arms on it.

It had been a while since we last played so I started spanking her ever so gently, warming up her skin and gradually increasing the pace of my movements. We both enjoyed it and I felt Princess was getting there so I stopped the spanking and took a shorter rope out of my bag.

After making a simple double column tie around her wrists I pushed Princess back over the bench, took the dangling piece of rope, made a knot so when I stood behind my love with the cord between her legs, it would push against her clit. Holding the Namaste Harmony in pulse mode against the rope nearly pushed Princess over the edge.

Finally I attached Princess to a T-bar fixed to a winch so she was standing her arms spread in the air.

For almost half an hour I played with my flogger and whip, once again progressively building up the sensations for Princess. Occasionally I stopped to sooth her reddening skin with the soft strokes using a piece of fur. Brought my love on several occasions to the brink of release.

At 2 in the morning we drove back home, Princess and I, where we showered and went to our bedroom. I poured us two glasses of red wine to celebrate.

Princess was very happy with the small rose plant for her garden and I think the words I wrote on her birthday card moved her too. I stated I wanted to thank her parents too as they had given Princess the gift of life ending up making me so very happy.  
She cooed when I gave her a box of Belgian chocolates and we tried some and they were simply delicious in combination with the Shiraz.

Of course it was all a prelude to the real gift. Princess was breathless and stunned when she finally unravelled the wrapping and held the necklace in her hands. It stands out on her cleavage and makes her even more beautiful.

We kissed of course and we ended up making rough love, finalizing what we had started in The Fetish Café. Princess came, as she always does, abundantly and lost count of how many times she plunged in that ocean of orgasms.

And of course we slept well and started over early in the morning and I gave her a few intense ones before she voraciously drank me.

Little A. had a present for my love too and had set the table so we could enjoy breakfast. Unfortunately Kay, Princess's youngest daughter, was not well at all and Princess wanted to go home. No time for a breakfast and so our day together ended almost as soon as it had started.  
I drove Princess home and on the way we picked up Stella and Star.

Little A. and I had a great day together and later this afternoon we saw the movie "Oz: The Great And Powerful".

Afterwards I dropped Little A. at home but she'll be back next Thursday for the weekend. My youngest daughter is staying more and more with me and I love it.

Back home I started writing this post. I feel strangely blue, sad and alone this evening.

Oh, the phone rings. That must be Princess.

Princess's Birthday Gift

### Expanding our horizon – February 3, 2014

Last night I didn't sleep very well. Somewhere during the hours of darkness I woke up because I got cold. Hell, I don't like sleeping alone anymore. I need Princess next to me, every night.  
My love was, I hoped, sound asleep albeit in the wrong bed.

It took some time before I fell asleep again so I used the spare time to over think what Princess and I talked about on our way back home from the Antwerp Fetish Cafe. We always evaluate a finished play date.

Princess told me how she had appreciated the fact I had started the spanking and whipping slow and gentle. She added she also had the impression I had held back later on in the session.  
Yes, I always hold back, I do not know why. At home Princess asks me for more or insists when she wants it harder. In the club though Princess prefers handing all control over to me so yes, I hold back.  
Princess also told me she felt she could take more in the Fetish Cafe caused by the fact the environment, the Dungeon, works on her fantasy in a different way than our living room.

We also talked about expanding our horizon beyond the Fetish Cafe. K & J had talked about a non-commercial oriented group of, mostly, couples called Eyes Wide Shut. These people organize private events and K & J had attended one already and what they told us seemed like fun.

This morning I subscribed Princess and myself on the website of "Eyes Wide Shut". It is anonymous and you can't subscribe when you are a single man. The website is also filled with lots of information, grouped by fetish like BDSM, watersports, swinging and so on.

Shortly after I got a friend request from K & J and a private mail telling how much they had enjoyed talking with us past Saturday evening. They also asked if we would be interested in hiring the Dungeon with them and a few other couples for private play and enjoy the unique opportunity to photograph our partners in a real BDSM environment.

I like the idea very much but only if two conditions are met. Respect for our hard limits stating Princes or I do not want to be touched by anyone else. Also I do not want Princess to be photographed but by me and that is final.

I'll be talking this over with Princess and I am very curious what her reaction will be. And I'm pretty sure we'll have fun exploring the "EyesWideShut.be" website too.

Thoughts - February 5, 2014

I feel the urge to write but I have no idea what about. So I will let my fingers dance freely over the keyboard and we'll see where this will lead me.

Today it is Wednesday and almost noon. Outside the sun is shining and the sky is pale blue with white, fuzzy stripes. Soft temperatures too, 8° C (46,4°F), making it difficult we are still in the heart of the winter.

I feel cold though and an indistinct sadness engulfs me while loneliness chills me further down. The music I'm listening to supplies my heart with sweet tasting melancholy.

Yes, this is what I need now.  
The music notes carve and cut in my soul and liberate the drabness that seems to have found refuge deep in my core.

What I'm experiencing now is what a friend of mine describes as Dom drop and he wrote an interesting blog post about it. I guess outside the lifestyle one would call this reaction happening after an adrenaline rush differently but do check out the article.

A spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings and wistfulness is momentarily fueling my writing so I'll float further on these sentiments.

Princess has spent the past two nights at my place. Monday evening I started with a cathartic spanking and then Princess and I made rough and very intense love before falling asleep wrapped in bed linen dispersing the odor of primal sex.  
The night was followed by a day at work and the promise of yet another evening and night with my love and future wife.

We played yesterday evening and it was so hot and even rougher than the previous evening and we felt so close to one another, Princess and I.

I tied her up and gave my love a good spanking, alternating with some whipping, while a small vibrator in her underpants did its work. It drove Princess almost mad and she came with multiple tidal waves until my love was soaking wet and trembling on her legs.

I held Princess in my arms, soothing her and covered her beautiful face with a zillion soft kisses while we drowned in each other's eyes. For a moment it felt as if we had, unnoticed, melted together.

The love I feel for Princess is pleasantly excruciating and continuously sets my body and mind on fire.

Never before have I felt so close to someone as with my Princess. She makes me feel so very alive and incredibly happy.

Princess truly is the One for whom I have been waiting for all my life. It took me a 5 decade long road before I finally found my Holy Grail, my Princess.

Princess, even when we are not together you fill my heart with joy, desire, happiness and so much unconditional love. You warm my soul and enrich every single molecule of my body with your positive stance.

You truly are my raison d'être and I am convinced that at birth we already were predestined for each other.

Thank you, Princes, my love and future wife, for being with me and traveling through life at my side.

### On writing – February 7, 2014

###

I don't think of myself as a writer, I'm just a guy who writes a blog.  
Yet when I was much younger it was a dream of mine to become one. While boys of my age where thinking about being a footballer or a soldier I wanted to be a writer.

One memory springs to mind.  
I must have been 17 or so and I was writing a lot. Mainly short stories. One day my mother and I went on a day trip organized by our local regional geography and history club.  
We visited a small village near Brussels called Strijtem, at that time still very rural. I immediately felt at home on this tiny isle with only a handful of simple houses surrounded by green meadows and freshly plowed dark brown farmland.  
"I wouldn't mind living here one day," I told my mum.  
"What could you possibly find interesting in this place?" she asked.  
"It would be a home for me to write," I replied, flabbergasting her.

That was then and now is the present.  
Strijtem has become a place for the rich, as it is situated near our capital and the national airport of Zaventem, offering easy access to both. The village does not suffer from annoying flight routes with the corresponding noise of planes landing or taking off. There are no traffic jams either as few can afford living in Strijtem and its surroundings.

In the eighties of the previous century I wrote a lot and courageously posted them, by mail, to literary magazines. Don't forget, it was a time when the Internet, self-publishing and social media had yet to be conceived. Hell, Mark Zuckerberg was still sucking his mother's breasts and shitting and peeing in his diapers.

I got rejected a zillion times but continued writing. The chick with whom I was living at that time was my soundboard. Later on I discovered she was fucking two of my best friends too. Yes, she was indeed inspiring.

Then I received the letter every aspiring writer dreams of and a few months later my first short was published in a literary magazine called Deus Ex Machina.  
Getting paid a few bucks was even a bigger thrill and we, the chick and I, spent it in a restaurant.

Later on we broke up, I'm not that fond of sharing.

When I was married to my future ex-wife a good friend of mine inspired me too and I wrote 4 novels and numerous short stories just for the hell of it. It were erotic detectives where I am the boss and he's my sidekick and we fuck our brains out with numerous women. Maybe it was a remedy against my already failing marriage, writing as a therapy as it were.

Then I got a kid and 6 years later another one and I was supposed to be a father whose only existence is work to provide. The mother of my two daughters killed every single scream and dream for creativity I had. Parents exist and live solely for their kids was her motto. It wasn't my motto though.

After I divorced photography became my main way of processing my feelings, worries and fears and writing was pushed into the background.

With the end of 2007 in sight I subscribed to a dating site and, at the same time, started a blog. The approach was writing a diary about my quest for a new girlfriend.  
It was a very personal journal, written in Dutch, my mother language and with lots of visitors and followers. Numbers increased, a perverse side effect, when I wrote about how one handles a relation when the other half suffers from cancer.  
The blog ended with the relation 2 years later.

Photography once again became main way of expression until I met Princess and my life changed and so many good things came my way.

Gradually I started writing again. Short stories and poems, only for Princesses eyes.  
When we grew closer and gradually shifted to a D/s lifestyle my love encouraged me to write again thus resulting in this blog where I combine my writing with a renewing passion for photography.

I know this may sound a little arrogant but I am a very lettered man and a wizard with words, something I combine with a huge vocabulary. When I'm working or talking in my native language that is.  
Yes, my mom was English and I learned the basics when I was a kid and youngster. But it does not come close to how I dance with the Dutch language.  
So having started this blog in English is the only thing I do regret once in a blue moon. It is sometimes very limiting yet enriching at the same time.

I have a few concrete ideas for erotic short stories but writing on that level is still very challenging.

The category "Short Stories" on this blog contains only 1 entry, a non-erotic short story. We'll see.

Anyway I am so very grateful, Princess, how you continue to inspire and motivate me.  
Thank you my Love for you have already given me so much!

The Orgasm Diaries – February 8, 2014

Yesterday evening Princess and I went dancing in the Cohibar and to our big surprise the place was very crowded.

In the dim lighted and very cozy lounge youngsters were enjoying cocktails while in the second space, the dance floor, a DJ entertained the dancers with a mix of Salsa, Bachata, Latin and pop.

The Cohibar - Dance Floor  
Courtesy of <http://www.feestzaalcohibar.be>

Princess and I sat down next to the dance floor and sipped from our wine. We danced too of course although they didn't play very much Salsa.  
Being with Princess is such a delight and makes me so very happy and being at her side makes even the dullest moments a feast. Whenever we are together sunshine sings in my heart and races through my veins.

Shortly before midnight we went home. It is only a short walk as we live just around the corner.

In bed we made love and it was rough, intense, all-consuming and so hot.  
Before Princess gluttonously drank me I brought her to three exhilarating orgasms while I bit her nipples, breasts, shoulders and thighs while tugging her hair and holding a hand on her throat. The latter brings Princess to instant ignition.

We slept very well and when we woke up this morning I felt horny as hell again.  
It was 08:50

"Good morning", I whispered while slowly pushing my hard cock in her.  
Princess moaned. She loves being woken up this way.  
We didn't have much time. Princess had to leave at 9:30 to pick up Kay for music school.  
While pinching her nipples, pulling hair and kissing the love of my life I relentlessly fucked her, growling I wanted her to cum.  
Princess gave me five with orgasm 2 and 3 extremely intense and vicious as she couldn't stop her beautiful body from shivering from sexual pleasure.

I pulled the plug on the "Orgasm Diaries" project a few days ago. Princess is in no way to blame for this. My love simply does not have the time to write. After coming home from work she has The Boy and Kay to feed and to take care off.

Stella is incredibly demanding even if she lives alone and in fact spends lots of her time with baby Star at her mother's house too. Princess drives around for all of them and then there are Bo and Ar too who want a piece of her time when they are at home.  
When Princess and I phone each other in the evening, around 22:00 or so, she is simply mentally and physically exhausted.

Motivating and stimulating Princess so she can unleash her creativity must remain a fun thing and not an obligation.

Princess promised me she'd do her best to write one post for this blog every month.

The "Orgasm Diaries" project has given me one month's worth of wonderfully written pieces by Princess. I'll cherish this notebook as a rare and precious jewel. And of course Princess is still free to write for the notebook whenever she feels like it.

Nine hours to go before I can fetch Princess.  
Little A. is staying her too so I think my love and I will watch a movie.

I have no idea which one yet.  
I would prefer a David Lynch movie. "Mulholland Drive" or, why not, "Lost Highway"?

[  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30h2YvRiUZc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30h2YvRiUZc)

Princess and I could also see "The Hours", "Lucky Number Slevin" or "Seven Psychopaths".

Later on today Princess and I will be making love again. Fucking like newlyweds and I'm pretty sure it will be extremely rough again.

Photographed with a cheap CCTV-lens wide open (f1,4) mounted on my Olympus E-PM1. Journal entry made on January 23, 2014 by Princess.

### OMG – February 17, 2014

After a dull week Princess and I had a wonderful weekend with a couple of first ones.  
The past week I hadn't been well and even stayed at home on doctor's orders Thursday and Friday.  
In fact it all started on Sunday morning when we woke up shattered. Princess had a sore hip and my lower backside hurt as hell and I could barely walk.  
"That's it, I won't take it anymore," Princess told me.  
"You're right baby, no sense in delaying it anymore," I replied.  
For months we have been suffering and this was the final drop. An hour later we had bought a new mattress and it was delivered at my place the same day.  
What a difference!

Thursday evening Princess and I drove Stella and Star to "4", the mother/baby care unit where Stella had an appointment with her psychiatrist. My love and I took care of Star while we waited. I guess this was one of the last visits to this place. The doctor told Stella had to find a new shrink as "4" was not intended for everlasting aftercare.

Afterwards we took Star to a fast-food restaurant and we had a good time although Star is not really well. Princess and I are aware her first-born will always be a concern and she knows I'll be on her side to take care of Stella and Star too. Consequently we are both happy Stella is close with me again and Star simply adores me.

Past Friday Princess was sick too and left work at noon and went home. My place that is.  
We spend the afternoon in bed, sleeping and dozing in each other's arms. Half an hour before she left to collect a few of her kids from school we made love. It was rough and passionate, as it always and I shoved my love to the highest of cliffs and pushed her into an ocean of intense release. Princess crawled up against me, wet and trembling, panting and whispering a thousand I love you's and telling me how intense this one had been, one to remember.

We had a dinner reservation in a Sushi restaurant Saturday evening but I cancelled it because Princess felt nauseous in the morning.  
Saturday was also the birthday of her sister-in-law but Princess had tickets to a concert for us both that same evening. For weeks Princesses kids had been discussing the fact their mother would not go with them so they were forced to find a plan B. Finally they decided to go by train.

At 16:30 Princess phoned me to inform me her kids had left the house.  
So for the first time in 2 years and 5 months Princess was finally able to invite me at her home for dinner. Princess showed me her room too which she had started to paper.  
We did not find the corkscrew for the wine so I used a drilling machine and drilled a small hole in the cork in order to push it in the bottle.  
Dinner was great and I'm happy to report that my love is also a princess in the kitchen. It felt good being there with my love and I even managed to feel at home.

Later on we went to the concert and we had a blast.  
The played Dutch tear-jerker's dating from the late 70s with lots of poor kids, accidents and dead mothers and fathers and it was all so exaggerated it became almost art.  
One of her colleagues is a member of the group so I was able to meet a few of Princesses co-workers who attended the show too.

We were home late, slept well and Sunday morning we enjoyed waking up slowly and then we made love.

I've written before I don't cum that easy anymore. It is an advantage as I can keep up the good work for a long time. When I orgasm, and in order to do so I need to help myself, it feels okay but nothing more than that. I'm so focused on pleasuring Princess I really don't give a fuck, no pun intended.

So I was making love with Princess, pounding her hard when I felt deep in my core how an orgasm started to build up.

Then it came and I came and OMG it was absolutely maddening.

A warm tidal wave of indescribable sensations engulfed me when I orgasmed in Princess at the same time she did.  
It was an incredible release and I felt so light, as if I was nothing more than dandelion fluff. A gentle breeze of pure love carried me away, back to the safe haven of time's womb. I briefly lost the sensation of being and tried to find myself in Princesses beautiful gaze.  
Her face went blurry when a second release hit me. It were tears this time, it was impossible to hold them back, and I cried and laughed and my body shook and shivered and then time stopped. I held Princess in my arms and simply cried.  
It was a pure transcendental experience.  
Trust me on this: I never had such a mind-blowing experience.  
I felt blissful and emotional for the remainder of the day.  
Thank you Princess for this awesome and unforgettable experience deepening my unconditional love for you even more.

Later on we fetched Stella and Star and I dropped them at Princesses place and that was it.

Princess dropped by for a quick kiss in the early evening but she could not stay, her kids wanted her to watch television with them.  
My love told me how during dinner they were all chattering when The Boy, out of the blue, suddenly asked her what I had thought about her wallpaper. The kid was clearly testing her but she hadn't blinked an eye Princess told me.

We kissed and then Princess left.  
I went to bed and read for a while.  
Then I slept till morning as there was nothing else to do.

### The Date - Preliminaries – February 19, 2014

Every each 1st Saturday of the month Princess and I try to attend the Fetish Lounge Party in the Antwerp Fetish Cafe. We have a few drinks, observe and play. I like submerging myself in this BDSM lifestyle ecosystem and feel at home, safe and secure. Princess does too but not yet at the same extent. Even much alike we still are different.

Months ago I received a message from a couple through my Fetlife account proposing a date in the Fetish Cafe. Princess and I talked it over and then one evening we met K&J and it was fun. Princess and K. have, professionally, a lot in common and I liked J. who is a man from the world, erudite, very open-minded and respectful.

It was just a simple evening with fine conversations and a few drinks. Finding out about each other would be the correct definition for what was going on. I made sure they knew Princess and I are not sharing each other.  
Yes, I have limited experience with this game and I know how easily one gets fucked over if you don't set your boundaries right away.

We kept in touch by email and we met again during the Fetish Lounge the first Saturday of past February.  
K&J talked about hiring the Fetish Cafe for private play and photographic opportunities with a few other couples and Princess and I liked the idea.

After receiving a proposition a week ago I created an email account for us both. Yesterday evening Princess and I checked our schedules before discussing once again our do's and don'ts. Our boundaries have shifted a little over time and it is better to discuss them than to be confronted with an awkward situation.

So here we stand today.  
Nobody is allowed to make photographs of Princess, not even parts of her body and this counts for me as well. One exception would be a PG rated group photo in the Dungeon for memory sake.  
We do not share each other.  
During play I do not want to be touched by someone else, man or woman.  
During play I do not want Princess to be touched by another man.  
Princess knows I will not feel threatened in any way if, during play, there are kisses or soft touches between her and another female sub although I am not encouraging her.  
Watching others having sex does not bother me at all except if it would be an orgy. This would also be an issue for Princess.  
Having sex with Princess and being watched would not be a problem for me but I know it could be for my love. I made clear to Princess that my respect for her prevails on anything else.

Our first date, to get acquainted with K&J and the 2 other couples, is scheduled on Friday evening, March 14th. in the Fetish Cafe.  
Princess and I are looking forward to this meeting and even more for what is laying beyond that encounter.  
We both are ready to take a leap forward. On our terms of course.

Just one thought though, just for the heck of it. We, Princess and I, present ourselves with our first names and it is odd but there is a couple in the group who bear and Princess' first name and her former husband's name.  
Just saying. I am not at all bothered by it as it is merely a coincidence.

### Photo shoot – February 21, 2014

"You'll give me a wake-up call at 06:00 then?" Stella asked.  
"No", I told her, "it will be 06:05 by then."  
"Omg, why those 5 minutes extra?" she chuckled.  
"Just because," I smiled, feeling the weight of my bag with 3 studio flashes pulling my shoulder down.  
"Okay then, 06:05. Don't forget though."  
"I won't", I promised Stella.  
"Mom, call me at 06:30, will you?"  
Princess nodded and I wished Stella good night and off we were, Princess and I, home for some delicious kinky sex and a good night's sleep.

We had arrived 2 hours earlier at Stella's place.  
Little Star shouted with joy when she saw me and observed me with those big eyes of hers while I set up my material. Two Jinbei studio flashes, one equipped with a soft box, the other with a translucent white umbrella and, on the floor and slightly tilted, a huge reflection screen.  
My birthday present to Princesses daughter this year was a photo shoot and although it was already late and Star was getting hungry we managed to make some 120 photographs during a 45' session.  
Both were adorable, smiling and chuckling and enjoying themselves.

Then I hooked my Nikon to my iPad and transferred the images, offering Stella and Princess a sneak preview of what I had shot. Both girls where really swept away by the images and Stella couldn't stop swiping back and forth between them.

The portable studio flash I own is used mostly for tabletop and macro photography and I do not have that much experience with portrait photography so I was a little nervous.  
I am very happy with the result of this shoot. The images are well-lit, crisp and show only smiles and eyes filled with joy.

I felt happy having brought so much pleasure for Stella, she is really something!

Yet for me the evening was a little overshadowed by The Boy.  
A few days ago Princess asked me to scan a photograph of her grandparents, Bo wanted a print, because there was something wrong with her scanner.  
When I picked up Princess at her place I gave the image back and that was enough to make The Boy go mad. He started texting his mother when we left and at Stella's place Princess had no other choice than to phone him. She stayed away for almost 20' and when she came back I could see the conversation hadn't been very polite. Quickly Princess explained he was mad I had made the scan, he felt attacked on his terrain because he had promised his sis to make the scan. She received some more text messages from The Boy and even at 23:30, we were almost asleep, he texted once more to complain and express his frustrations.

The kid blew up something insignificant far out of proportion and by doing so he lost the last remains of respect I have for him. Hell, he's 16 and behaves like a frightened and insecure preschooler and shows no respect for his mother. Get a life, I only scanned an image for your mother for crying out loud. It is not that I am moving in or so.

Sure, I understand The Boy and his sister's issues processing their father passing away 3 years ago but their behavior towards me and our relation has moved beyond my comprehension.

It is the only topic Princess and I have, occasionally, a fight about.

Princess and I ended the day with tasty rough sex and at one moment I squeezed her nipple so hard it made her cum almost instantly.  
Hell, I love kinky rough sex with Princess.

This morning I phone Stella at 06:06 thus waking her up.  
Wished her a good morning and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later I kissed Princess goodbye and left for work.

Happy birthday Mom - February 21, 2014

I remember...

... hating you because you wouldn't let me continue studying and made me stop when I finished high school. Your god, my father and thus my god, started working after high school too and he ended his career as a manager. If he could I also could was your motto but you forgot the 1930's were easier than the 1980's. Yes, I made it too, became a manager, although at that time you weren't around anymore.  
... hating you for your black and white vision on so many topics.  
... those 4 or 5 years I fought to make you aware that your daughter was still your daughter and that she had the right to be happy too, even if it was with a woman.  
... how one day you finally accepted my sister's girlfriend and how I was erased from your life after that. For a few years that is.  
... being invited at my sister's marriage with her 20 year younger girlfriend. You were missed very much.  
... that for one reason or another you were not capable of loving your two kids at the same time. It was me and not my sister and then, for one reason or another, it was my sis and not me.  
... how you felt so sad for me because you knew, even before I did, how unhappy I was in my marriage  
... that one special evening very well when you told me, almost in tears, how you were willing to support me financially so I could file for divorce.  
... that phone call telling me you had stumbled over nothing in our main street. I was there in a jiffy. You had broken your knee and was taken to the hospital. Little did I know it was the start of the end for you. That it would be a painful year and a half.  
... those evenings in the hospital and later in your apartment and then back in the hospital. We talked and talked and today I have no memory about what we discussed.  
... my sister and I, holding each other, crying. She wanted to see you a last time. I didn't. I wanted to remember you as when you were alive.  
... how my sister and I laughed as freaking idiots when the undertaker showed us a few urns. That hilarious scene in the movie "Meet The Parents" sprung to mind, the cat peeing in his mother's ashes.  
... how one year later my sister and her wife and I held a ceremony and dispersed your ashes. I had started my divorce by then.

It would have been your birthday tomorrow, February 22nd, and you would have been far in your 90's by now.

I imagine you as that grand Old London Lady my grandma was with abundant silver hair and so much wisdom.

You left me 9 years ago and I must admit, I didn't miss you as much as I did my father who passed away in 1972.  
But now that I am growing older this is changing and I miss you more and more.

I am so sad you will never know how I finally found absolute happiness. You would have loved and adored Princess as she has made your boy so incredibly happy. She would have liked you very much, I think.

Happy birthday, Mommy dear, wherever you are.  
I would like to thank you for the uttermost valuable gift you have ever given me.  
It is called LIFE and it finally led me to Princess.

### Princess + Tablet = Asus HD 7 – February 24, 2014

Princess has a very tight agenda. Work of course, but also driving around for her kids, shopping for groceries, cooking, washing et al. When Princess has some spare time she tries to write something but her iPhone 3Gs with cracked screen is of almost no use. It also happens she is waiting somewhere for a kid to show up and then there is time to read. Alas, Princess never has a book with her.  
Princess uses one paper agenda for both work and private items and I have no intention to change that in the near future. It took me at least a year and a half before I jumped into the world of electronic agenda's. And only after being reassured everything properly synchronized between my devices. Princess and I are trying to keep a common electronic agenda though and that isn't that evident either.  
At her place surfing is not evident either. Her kids intensively use all available computer resources. And let's be honest, a small Smartphone screen is not ideal for surfing.

I have an iMac 27" at home and I use it for surfing, watching movies, writing and as my digital darkroom.  
Most of my other computer activities as well as reading are done on my iPod Air. When I'm reading on my terrace I prefer my 6" eBook reader I bought in Germany.  
I rarely go anywhere without my iPad because it is my electronic agenda too. When I need Wi-Fi in a remote location I use my Smartphone, an Asus S500, my iPhone 4s unexpectedly died yesterday, and start a 3G connection and use the phone as a hotspot.

Princess is an absolute beginner when it comes to electronics like laptops, notebooks, tablets and so forth. Luckily she has me for all this.  
I replaced her vintage Nokia with my iPhone 3Gs when I moved to a more advanced Smartphone and it took her some time to get used to this new way of working with information. My love was awed when she saw how I use my iPad Air. For example the other day I made portraits from Star and Stella, hooked my Nikon D300 to the iPad and transferred the photographs, created a slide show and afterwards I did some basic retouching on one of the images just to show off.

The past few days I spend time thinking and reading and watching reviews on the Internet. My Nexus 7 (1st Gen) has a broken screen and repairing it is not a financially sound idea. An iPad (Mini) at the moment would clearly be overkill for both Princess and my wallet.

Bottom line?  
The search for a 7" budget friendly tablet with the specs of a Nexus 7 (1st Gen) and a very good display led me to the Asus HD7.

I do not need a reason to give Princess a gift as pleasuring the love of my life makes me so very happy.

Yes Princess, there is a tablet with your name written on it waiting for you at my/our place.

Just one question Love of my life... do you want me to preconfigure it or do you want to have fun and do it together?

### I'm back – March 14, 2014

###

On my way to work this morning I listened to Elbow's newest "The Take Off and Landing of Everything". I like this eerie sounding Britpop and tracks like "Fly Boy Blue/Lunette" and "My Sad Captains" are lovely little compositions.

Yes, I'm back.  
I can assure you that everything is and has been more than well between Princess and me. Princess is still very happy with here Asus HD7 tablet too.

I kind of lost track though and got buried under a load of powerless rage and frustration.  
Without divulging too much it started with the harsh reaction of The Boy when I made a scan. Although I could and can understand the origin of his reaction I was flabbergasted with the harsh intensity. There were some other discussions between Princess and her kids too that worsened my state of mind.  
I lost touch and for a few days I felt empty, fearful and unsure. Princess and I had a few conversations by phone that went sour.  
It then occurred to me we are locked in a circle. We have no answers in how helping her kids and make everything easier.

Action was needed. It had now become clear we needed help from outside.

Some 6 months ago we met a couple, K&J when visiting the Fetish Cafe in Antwerp. Princess had a very good contact with K. who runs a therapy/coaching business. I remember Princess telling me K. had some very good insights.  
At first I felt reluctant using her services. I did not want a starting friendship getting mixed up with very private issues.

After the "scanner incident" it was time to take action so I contacted K. and we visited her yesterday. She took time for this intake and we talked for about 2 hours and felt so much better afterwards. K. offered us very useful tools and presented and surprised us with new insights and thoughts. We will see each other in a few weeks.

Of course things won't change in a jiffy but eventually we will get there.

Princess and I have a unique and very intense and close relationship. An a strong one too.  
I am so very happy and lucky having Princess at my side.  
OMG, I so love Princess.

### This Friday Evening - March 14, 2014

Only 8 hours to go before The Date.

It is a huge step for Princess and me and my mind is already sizzling in anticipation of what is lying in front of us, the new doors we are about to open. We are taking a new step in our wonderful, loving, caring and intense D/s relationship.

Yesterday evening I gave Princess instructions on what to wear this evening. A black dress of course, probably the one I bought her in Germany on our first holiday together. Her black with a red stripe stay-ups and black pumps to top it all off. By the way Princess has gorgeous legs.

On Friday evenings The Fetish Café is a public place for everyone above 18. Obviously playing is not allowed and visitors are asked to be dressed accordingly.

Except for K&J who we met on previous occasions in The Fetish Café the 2 other couples are complete strangers. We are of course open-minded and Princess and I know what we want, how far we are willing to expand our soft limits and what we do not want.

The idea of meeting kindred spirits is exciting and the idea this date will eventually lead to a private play session is exhilarating.

Princess and I are really looking forward to this evening.  
I am so grateful to you, Princess, for making all this possible, for sharing the lifestyle with me and thank you for your precious gift of submission.

### The Ginger Experience – March 16, 2014

_She was a catch,_  
 _We were a match  
I was the match that would fire up her snatch._

Mermaids by Nick Cave

When Princess and I left the vanilla world for a D/s based one, our relationship changed dramatically and, without a shadow of a doubt, for the better. I can state I have never been so close with someone as with Princess. I cannot recall having experienced this level of unconditional, scorching love and commitment before. And I trust Princess with my life.

Like everybody else in the lifestyle we've got some soft limits and a few hard limits and we have a very open communication. Oh yes, did I mention trust?

We love discovering new ways to enjoy our love and are both so eager to learn new stuff.

A few weeks ago I stumbled across this post on Christina Mandara's excellent blog about figging and BDSM. You can find the article here: Figging and BDSM.

It made me very curious and something I wanted to try. I love ginger by the way and I've always a root lying around in the kitchen.  
Well, here is a tip for pickled ginger by the way.

Make thin slices of a 200 gram ginger root. Boil a mixture of 2,5 dl rice vinegar, 1,25 dl water, 3 tablespoons sugar and one teaspoon of salt. Add a few drops of red beet juice but this is only for coloring and thus optional.

Put the slices in a bowl and cover it with the boiling mixture. Let it cool down. Close the bowl and put it in the fridge for two weeks.  
Enjoy.

Princess arrived at my place and I said hello. After kissing her and putting on her leather dog collar I ordered her to undress.  
After wrapping Princess in plastic foil from shoulders to belly button I laid her down and finished the first part of my work with a DIY leg spreader.

I used a nipple sucker on her clit and while it did its work I took a piece of ginger root and cut off a slice while Princess, all tied up, could only watch.

She asked me what I was going to do but I told her to wait and see. By the way, Princess is not allergic to ginger.

The nipple sucker did a great job making Princess' clit much more sensitive. It was red, big and so inviting.  
I pressed a slice of ginger against her clit.

Princess' reactions went thus

00:30' it feels fuckin' cold  
01:00' so what is the fuss about?  
02:00' this is feeling a little warm  
02:30' OMG this is so hot... (meowing)  
03:00' stop please  
03:20' Take it away Milord. Please!  
03:50' STOP!!!! (Princess's safe word is red)  
04:30' Milord, please, release me, fuck me  
05:00' Milord, fuck me please (whining). Anywhere. I want to feel you cock inside me.  
06:00' Meowing, panting and some drooling. Spastic movements. Pussy getting wet, lips opening in despair.  
07:00' Milord, damned you, fuck me. NOW! Please (purring).  
08:00' Hell, I want to be fucked. Anybody??? Is there anybody there who wants to fuck me? (desperate)  
10:00' OMG, Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.... (ending in inaudible whispering)  
10:15' GODAMNED YOU ASSHOLES, FUCK ME HARD. ANYBODY.... FUCK ME

I took away the clothing pegs I used to hold her lips together so the slice of ginger was kept on its place. Then I used scissors to cut away the plastic foil and unlocked the leg spreader.

Grabbed Princess' hair and pulled her up and over the backside of our couch and took her doggy style using rope around her belly and hips to get a firm grip for fucking her.

It didn't take long before I exploded. Ejaculated.

Pushed her away, Princess, and went down on her. Gave her a second and third orgasm while drinking my semen, mixed with the taste of ginger, out of her pussy.

Trust me on this.  
Ginger is very healthy.

I love tasting it on and licking it from Princess's pussy.  
Ginger on her cunt makes her and I go mad.  
I can do whatever I want with Princess.

You can't though.  
Never.  
Ever.  
Except if you are a chick we both like.

The Date - Friday, March 14, 2014

Princess and I arrived some 30' later than expected at the Fetish Café due to traffic issues.

The bar was not very crowded, after al it was open to the 18+ public as a pub and not as a private club for members only. The Dungeon was closed and marked private. I already knew that behind that door a Shibari workshop was given. The same course Princess and I took a few months ago.

The three other couples were sitting around a table chatting and having drinks. Two chairs were waiting for us. We already knew K&J of course and they introduced us to the other couples. We shook hands, exchanged kisses and ordered drinks.

We talked about the lifestyle, about do's and don'ts, hard and soft limits, tips and tricks and respect. It became rapidly obvious we were all on the same wavelength so we agreed to rent the club for an afternoon and play together separately.

I was asked to synchronize the agenda's in order to find an open window that would be convenient for everyone, a difficult task. None of the other couples have kids to consider but Princess and I do. I'm aware it won't be that easy but I've put some dates together and use Doodle.com and we are trying to plan something in May.

Princess and I had a wonderful evening amidst these kindred spirits. Even though the other Dom's are much more experienced than I am, one has even a 25+ career in the lifestyle, I never felt intimidated nor uneasy. And Princess had a great time too. There is trust and mutual respect and we all talk the same language. I am sure playing together will be a unique experience.

It is difficult to believe Princess and I are already taking this step only six months after our first real visit to the Fetish Café. Six months ago Princess outed herself to the community and we played for the first time in "public".  
Princess and I are opening new doors and we are not only thrilled but very much aware this is only possible because we trust each other, communicate very well and love each other beyond reason.

We all left little before midnight with a very good feeling.  
Back home Princess and I made intense and delicious rough love like we always do before finding sleep in each other's arms.

### Princess and I revisited – March 20, 201

Two years and a half and some days ago, September 6th to be more precise, my life changed dramatically and for the better.  
During a parent's meeting I wasn't supposed to attend, it was a last-minute request by Little A's mother, I met Princess.  
When I first laid eyes on her I was swept off my feet, not only by her natural beauty and charisma but also I felt how my world tilted and shifted. With absolute certainty I knew I had finally found The One, my Holy Grail. I had met with my destiny and future.  
When I returned home that evening I had her telephone number written on a piece of paper burning in my pocket.  
I was aware I had done something I had never done before. I had approached a woman and started a conversation with her. And got a date.

On September 20th we went on our first date and I took her to a Sushi restaurant. Later we decided 09/20 would be our anniversary date.

We dated a few times and on October 9 Princess and I visited my photo exposition and after that I took her to a small town in The Netherlands were we enjoyed mussels and French fries. Later that afternoon we went to my place and made love (vanilla) love. Our first time and it was an awesome experience and one I will never forget. It was so damned intense and beautiful.  
Recently Princess told me she had, much to her own surprise, climaxed. She added she was little ashamed about it but mostly astonished she had been able to give herself completely to me on the first time.

After some 6 months I started to be a little rougher with Princess and noticed how pulling her hair during lovemaking made her mad and helped her cum easier.  
I was hoping Princess was really in every way the One and thus also a submissive. Oh boy, only thinking about this possibility was maddening.

We outed to each other on August 15, 2012 and gave birth to a very intense and very satisfying D/s relation.  
Wow!

Months later, I don't recall the exact date, I collared Princess and at first she did not like the idea at all. Today her leather collar has become a very important attribute for Princess.

In November 2012 I started a blog on Wordpress.com titled "Princess and I" and posted my first article on November 16th with "Nipples and Clothespins" as title.  
I moved my blog to a self-hosted in August 2013.

A few other important dates in 2013:  
Friday, August 2nd, we went to Antwerp and had a few drinks in The Fetish Cafe where we talked with the owners about the café's BDSM activities.  
Saturday, September 7th we became members of The Fetish Lounge Club and played for the very first time among others in the Dungeon. It was one hell of an experience for us both.  
Friday, December 6th we followed a Shibari workshop in The Fetish Cafe.

A few Fridays ago we met 3 other couples in The Fetish Cafe with the intention to play together in May.

Princess and I live a wonderful and intense relation and I am so lucky having her in my life. We trust, respect and love each other and we continue growing.  
D/s has added so much to our love, our devotion for each other and made our life together even more intense and meaningful. I am sure over time D/s will become even more important for us.

For this one time only I kneel in front of Princess and humbly bow my head.  
I thank you, Princess, for you have changed my life for the better. Your unconditional love is my fuel, my breath, my blood. You are for whom I was conceived. You make me so happy.  
I am also very grateful for you submission, my love. It is a beautiful gift I value as much as life itself.  
Princess, thank you for traveling with me. I am so proud having you at my side.  
I devote my heart, my mind and soul to you.

### We have a Playdate - 2014-03-21 11:29

Past Wednesday morning I checked the Doodle I had made proposing 4 Saturdays in May for us all to rent The Fetish Cafe in Antwerp.

Two Saturdays where everybody was free remained and after mailing back and forth between the all of us a final date was set. One of the other Dom's made the reservation with The Fetish Café.

On May 24th, three days before my birthday, Princess and I will play with 3 other couples in the Antwerp Fetish Café. The bar and the Dungeon will be reserved between 3 and 7 am for only the eight of us.  
What a wonderful prospect!

For us both I'll be packing rope, cuffs, a blindfold, whips, multi-use nipple clamps and a few vibrating devices among others stuff.  
Of course I will be making some photographs too so my Nikon D300 and flash-unit will be in my bag too. I also hope someone will take some images of Princess and myself just for our personal files.  
Yesterday Princess urged me to make new photographs as soon as possible as she prefers to see my own creations on the blog than those I find via Tumblr.

For the next couple of weeks I'll be busy figuring out what I want Princess to wear and make the necessary purchases.  
I am also thinking about possible scenarios for us both to play given the fact we can be seen and that excites me and Princess' exhibitionist tendencies.

Wow, this event will be an incredible fun way to celebrate my birthday!  
I am pretty sure it will be a memorable one.

Secretary - 2014-03-24 11:29

Some movies are like old acquaintances. You visit them because they are fun, because they make you feel happy when you are a little blue or to spend time with when you feel alone.  
Dante's Peak (1997), Cruel Intentions (1997), One from the Heart (1982) and Twister (1997) are some of these old and trusted friends. These movies tell a great story nicely wrapped in action, drama and love. No, they are not art but they make me feel good or help me unwind.

Watching Dante's Peak, for example, lying comfy under a soft fleece on my sofa, drinking hot Choco while outside a cold and howling wind batters the rain against the windows makes me feel very cosy when my mind is restless or when I feel bad due to a cold or so.

I have added a new movie to this list albeit the reason why is a different one.

Secretary (2002) with Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader (as Mr. Grey) is a movie about a young woman who's recently released from a mental hospital. Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) gets a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer. Their employer-employee relationship turns into a sexual, sadomasochistic one.  
I love this film for various reasons. With the exception of Histoire d'O (1975) I don't know any other good and interesting movie about our lifestyle. By the way, Histoire d'O is more about a Master/slave relationship and I find it visually a very hot and arousing movie.

A few decades ago, when I attended film school, one of the lecturers, a Sam Peckinpah fan, told us one needed to vision a movie several times. The first time for the movie as a whole and the next few times for the music, montage, camera movements... There lies some truth in this statement and I agree but only for serious and high quality movies.

I've seen Secretary a few times and I hope to watch it again soon, this time with Princess.

Gyllenhaal's secretary character, Lee Holloway, transcends the stereotypical submissive, and Spader's powerful lawyer uses dominance to mask his own insecurities. He is afraid of letting her come to close. On the other hand he longs for her touch.

Lee has a history of hurting herself (cutting, mental institutions, alcoholic father, over caring mother etc.) but finds freedom and empowerment in submission at his hands. Mr. Grey tests her with sexual games, pushing her to the limits of a love he feels he'll never deserve. In acceptance of the exquisite intimacy of his pain, Lee finally lets go of her own.

Their relationship is bizarre, unusual and passionate in equal measure. Secretary is, in a very positive way, a weird little film. A relief too in a culture where, even in 2014, being (sexually) different is reason enough for discrimination in some way or another.

"Secretary" is very real, showing sometimes painfully awkward desires like the longing for connection through shared fetishes, but with intense beauty and compassion.

Some of the scenes where Mr. Grey shows his intense dedication and treats and worships Lee and her body as a precious jewel move me each time to tears. I find them very recognizable as I do exactly the same with Princess. Bathing Princess or washing her hair and drying it makes me so very happy and fills my heart with fathomless tenderness for the love of my life.

The fact the secretary is pictured as someone who has a background of mental illness is, in my opinion, the only negative aspect of this movie. It could create the, obviously wrong, prejudice the BDSM lifestyle is populated with people who have (mental or other) issues.

### The Secret Life of Walther Mitty – March 30, 2014

I love reading and watching movies but not at the same time of course.  
Every now and again I stumble over a little gem.  
Like I did today.

"The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" (Ben Stiller, 2013) is such a jewel.

 _"A day-dreamer escapes his anonymous life by disappearing into a world of fantasies filled with heroism, romance and action. When his job along with that of his co-workers are threatened, he takes action in the real world embarking on a global journey that turns into an adventure more extraordinary than anything he could have ever imagined."_Source IMDB

I'm not sure if it is a real remake of the same 1947 movie with Danny Kaye.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is by no means a highbrow movie but it is, at moments, visually breathtaking. The soundtrack is great and the characters well developed. On the downside one could say the slowly developing love story rather corny and very predictable.

**  
**<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxuYQ1dQtJI>

The movie's first hour is very strong and the ending is a big surprise and moving, holding within it a valuable message.

Ben Stiller is fabulous as Walter Mitty, Shirley Maclaine is very sedate as Mitty's mother, Adam Scott is a 100% convincing badass you'd love to kill (in a very painful way) and Sean Penn is the most charismatic personage. A great sidekick is Tod Maher, played by Patton Oswalt, the owner of the dating site where Walter Mitty has created an account.

I appreciated this straightforward story of a man, Walter Mitty, whom is involuntary set upon a quest. On this harsh road he discovers who he really is and it changes him in a very positive way. At the same time his environment is changing too, moving faster and faster forward and symbolized by the change the iconic LIFE magazine and his employer undergoes.

The memories Walter has about his deceased father tag along, very indistinct though, but I could very well relate to them.

I spend a wonderful and satisfying two hours watching this simple and feel-good movie. Time will spend and I really needed to chase the sadness that has been reigning my mind all day away.

### Spanking Princess – March 31, 2014

Night is falling.

The sky is deep dark blue with a few stars already visible. I am standing on my terrace and enjoying a finger of peated single malt whisky. After adding just a few drops of water the gold colored Laphroaig explodes in my mouth filling it with a zillion amazing flavors.

It is warm and windless outside and except for some barely audible chatter in the street very still. Above me a two bats are dancing a difficult to follow ballet.  
I'm impatiently waiting for Princess to arrive. She sounded a little turned up on the phone when we briefly spoke less than an hour ago.

Headlights appear beneath me when a car slowly turns on the in darkness shrouded parking three stories beneath me.  
A door is slammed shut and I vaguely hear high heels on the pavement walking to the front door of the building I live in. Moments later high heels on the staircase become louder and louder. The door opens, keys are thrown on the radiator.  
I enter the living room and put my glass on the table.

"Hi, I'm so happy to see you", Princess smiles.  
We kiss for what seems a lifetime.  
"Mmmm", she whispers, "delicious."  
I'm not sure if she is talking about the kiss or the whisky she obviously tasted in my mouth.

"What a hectic day it was", Princess sighs, "and I am so relieved to be here with you."  
Then she hesitates but I've already read in her beautiful eyes what she wants, needs.  
Craves for.  
It is strange Princess still feels uneasiness when it comes to asking me for a therapeutic spanking.

"Do you need a good spanking?" I help her out.  
Princess giggles.  
"Okay then", I smile and I feel my cock harden by the mere thought of what is about to happen.  
I grab Princes by the hair and gently pulling I lead her to the backside of the couch and force her to lean on her forearms so her ass sticks our.  
"Are you comfy, girl?" I snap.  
"Yes Milord."  
My hands slide up over her naked legs and slowly I push her skirt over her hips, then pulling down Princess' underpants halfway her thighs.  
"Spread them" , I order while kicking against her ankles.  
Princess obliges and waits.

Leisurely I walk to our bedroom where my whips and other tools hang against the wall.  
I'm not sure what to use.  
Not the riding crop. Its bites sting too much and that sensation is not what Princess needs now.  
For the same reason I disregard caning. The wooden spatulas are impersonal for this occasion.  
I decide using my hand, grab a soft flogger and walk back to where Princess is waiting patiently.

After caressing her soft behind I start warming Princess up with the flogger.  
She makes soft, meowing sounds.  
"Listen up, girl. For this time only you are not allowed the use of your safe word. Do you understand?"  
"Yes Milord."  
Two more moves with the flogger then I'm done and throw it on the sofa within her sight so Princess is aware of what is following.  
"This time I want you to beg for mercy. Do you understand?"  
"Yes Milord". Her answer is barely audible.

"Oooh...." she sighs when the palm of my hand lands on her backside.  
Then another smack and again and again.

I am aware that Princess moans and screams, mixed with the sharp smacking noise my hands make on her buttocks, are carried through the open window to the outside world.  
I don't give a fuck.

I increase speed and impact and Princesses beautiful butt turns crimson red.  
It is maddening to see how her pussy reacts to the spanking. Its swollen lips are opened invitingly and her juices dripping on the floor. Princess is very near to relief and I'm convinced it will be a very intense one.  
It never ceases to amaze me how my love is able to climax by spanking her.

Princesses legs tremble and her skin covers with goose bumps while her moaning becomes deeper.  
A final smack, Princess calls out and drops on her knees, shaking and meowing and holding out her arms for me.  
I kneel next to her and hold her shivering body while she kisses me and mumbles words I cannot understand.  
It takes quite some time for her to calm down.

I lead her to the sofa where she curls up in my arms.

"I love you so much Milord", she whispers. "And I didn't beg for mercy, did I?"  
"You are a good girl", I tell her, giving her the tiniest of kisses on the tip of her nose.

Princess's beautiful face becomes fuzzy as my eyes fill with tears of sheer happiness.

Playdate interrupted – April 4, 2014

Princess knocked and I opened the door.  
She was wearing her black high-heeled pumps and a coat.

"Hi there," I smiled, kissing her gently.  
"Hi, I'm so happy to be here", she replied.  
We kissed a little more.

Then Princess entered and I closed the apartment door behind her.  
"Let me take your coat", I told her.  
Graciously as a snake she slid out of it.  
Holy cow, underneath Princess was completely naked.  
"This is how I left home, Milord", she whispered when she saw the amazement in my eyes.  
It was a jaw-dropping moment.  
"Didn't you ask me to come with only my black pumps, Milord?"  
I nodded, my throat dry and my heart beating like mad.

Princess muted her iPhone and laid it on the small table in the hall.  
"I'm all yours, Milord", she meowed.  
With trembling hands I collared Princess and led her to the living room where I ordered her to sit down on the church chair while I poured us both a glass of excellent Shiraz. And some white chocolate to go with.

Sitting comfortably in my couch we chit chatted for a while, sipping from our wine while I gently caressed Princesses naked body with the tip of my riding crop.  
Then I got up and ordered Princess to do so too.

"Rope-time, girl", I growled, "and I'm going to start with a takate-toke (box-tie).  
I took rope and with the bite between my fingers I grabbed her arms and pulled them backwards and started with a single column tie around her wrists.  
Then I got distracted as I suddenly heard her iPhone buzzing in the hall. Then it stopped for a few seconds and started buzzing again.  
I tried my very best to ignore it and continued tying. I noticed I had made an error and decided to start all over.

It was then when my iPhone started ringing.  
Fuck.  
Silence. It had stopped.  
A beep telling me a message had arrived.  
Then the darn thing started ringing again.  
Double bloody fucking crap.  
There was no way we could keep ignoring this.  
I grabbed my iPhone and saw the caller ID.  
Stella.

"Hello", I said grumpier than I intended.  
"Is my mother there?"  
I handed Princess my phone.  
Some 20' later the animated call ended. Apparently Stella had a headache and she wanted to see a doctor as soon as possible so she could get a scan because she was sure she had a brain tumor. When an idea settles in her mind she keeps chewing it until it's gone. Sometimes Stella can go on for hours before she is able let it go.

We tried to get back in our scene and I finished the box-tie and tied Princess' ankles to a bamboo stick and gave her a good spanking. After untying my love again I positioned Princess over the back of my couch for some intense whipping and spanking.  
Just before she climaxed I stopped and with a piece of rope I made a single column tie just above her hips and then pushed my hard cock deep in her.

While holding Princess with the rope I fucked her ass as hard as I could, using voice control to push her further and further until she finally climaxed.  
We both fell on the floor, smiling, laughing, moaning and panting.  
"I love you more than anything", I told Princess while bending towards her for a kiss.

In the hallway Princesses iPhone started buzzing again. And again. Then my iPhone started ringing followed by an incoming message.  
OMG. Stella again.  
Her sister Bo had tried reaching her mother at home and on her cell phone and finally had called Stella.  
Apparently Bo had gone completely haywire and needed help.

Princess tried to reach her daughter while my fixed phone started ringing. Oh boy, this was going to be one of these evenings.  
"Hello?"  
It was The Boy and he nervously asked me if he could speak to his mother.  
"Is it about Bo?" I asked and he acknowledged reluctantly.  
Hell, him calling my home number with the risk having me answering indicated we had a serious crisis going on.

"I'm sorry", Princess told me after hanging up with Bo. "I have no idea what is going on. Bo is hyperventilating and she won't tell me zip."  
She looked so vulnerable, so sad and I took her in my arms, my lovely Princess, and told her everything was ok and added that driving to Bo's student home was the best thing for her to do.  
"Thank you", she whispered. She got dressed and left for the 30' drive to Bo.

An hour and a half later Princess was back. She had dropped Bo at home. The crisis with Bo was a non-event, just a fight between roommates but it was enough for Bo to go berserk. Princess was turned up by the continuously ringing and texting Stella while driving back.

We went to bed, Princess and I, and I held my future wife in my arms, kissing and caressing her.  
"I know what you need now, girl", I whispered.  
Princess didn't complain when I turned her over on her stomach.

When I stopped spanking the bed sheet under her gorgeous body was soaked with her cum and our bedroom was filled with the delicious scent of rough and intense sex.  
Once again I held Princess in my arms, soothing and kissing her all over before I fucked her thoroughly.

After changing the sheets we crawled under the duvet, Princess with her back against my chest.  
I switched the light out and for a while we lay in the dark, barely awake, listening to each other's respiration. We felt lighthearted and moved and madly in love.

Seconds before I fell asleep Princess asked me if I thought she was a good sub and if she made me happy.  
In the darkness I smiled and whispered "yes my love, you are in every way perfect".  
It was past midnight but we slept deep, Princess and I.

What a joy it was waking up this morning and being able to kiss the love of my life before I left for work.

Fetish Cafe here we come – April 4, 2014

Tomorrow it is the first Saturday of the new month. This means it is the Fetish Lounge Club, a BDSM party for couples, in the Antwerp Fetish Cafe.  
Yes... of course Princess and I are going, what did you think?

We'll enjoy a few drinks in the bar and some playing in the Dungeon and love to see and be seen. As always there will be a lot of moaning and whimpering and the Dungeon will resonate with the cracking sound of whips and spanking alike. Except for an occasional blowjob real sex is limited to a smaller cellar with a swing for people to fuck. But there are no rules though and everything goes as long as it is consensual and the Dungeon Master agrees.

Everybody is more than welcome, straight, bi, gay, transgender ...

Tomorrow evening I'll be picking up Princess at her place and then we'll come to my apartment where we will change. I guess we will arrive at the Fetish Café around 10:30 am.  
A while ago one of Princess' cuff bracelets was broken and she had been asking for a new pair ever since. So this afternoon, after work, I bought a new and heavy-duty pair. I am sure she will like them.

We are so looking forward to these monthly events and each time we have tons of fun and intense play that we obviously will finish at home in the early hour of Sunday morning.

Princesses new cuffs

### Finding Bamboo Poles – April 5, 2014

Boy have I been searching for bamboo poles ever since I saw some interesting Shibari/Kinbaku art photography combining them with a model.  
I wanted 4 poles with a diameter of 3 to 5 centimeters and a length between 1,80 and 2 meters.

My first action of course was using Google and I found a zillion addresses, almost all in The Netherlands. The few companies in Belgium did not accept private orders and only one took time to answer my mail with a request for a nearby reseller. That lead was a dead-end as they didn't have them in stock and where very vague when I asked them for extra information.  
Another shop was nearby in distance, if you were a bird that is, meaning a 90' drive. Yes, I am lazy by nature so this one was a no go.  
Then I mailed all the major and big garden centers in a 70 km radius. Some of them did not reply and those who did told me they had only thin bamboo sticks one uses to guide growing plants. I already had a bunch of those as Princess has bamboo growing in her garden.

After two weeks Googling, emailing, asking around and phoning I had turned up zilch.

It was time for plan B.

There is a florist around the corner where I live and I know him very well so I paid him a visit and asked if he would be so kind to order some poles and I gave him the address of a reseller.

"Hey Franco, hold your horses," he told me, "I think I still have a few."  
Fuck, could it be that simple?  
After a few minutes he came back with two 1,5 meter bamboo poles, dirty and covered with dusty cobwebs.  
"Great," I replied, "that is a start but I also need two longer ones."  
"No sweat, phone these guys," he answered and gave me an address of a company that makes fake plants. It was in a nearby town, only a few kilometers from where I live.

I phoned them the next day but no one answered, not even a machine. So the next day I dialed the number again and the day after too. Yes I may be lazy but I am fucking persistent too.

Finally a woman answered my call and told me they did not have or sell bamboo poles. She gave me a cell phone number and told me she was pretty sure they could help me.

I called the number and after the beep I spoke in a message.

They phoned me back like 5 days later and the first thing the guy did was apologize by telling me calling me back had almost slipped his mind.  
I told him I had no hard feelings and listened, replied, asked and listened again. Made an appointment for that same day. Drove to Flora Facto after work and got 3 bamboo poles each measuring 1,8 meters.

Nice guys too and entering their warehouse was like stepping into a dream world. Those guys have everything one needs for decoration and they are reference by a bunch of photographers too. You need a look-alike swamp or a vintage merry-go-round? Fake rocks maybe? Flora Facto is the place to be.

Hell, they even got bamboo poles.

### Princesses Collar – April 8, 2014

An article I recently read on my friend Vile's excellent blog "The Kinky World of Vile" about "The Collaring Process" inspired me to write this blog post.

Princess has a collar but for now she wears it only on specific occasions. Don't forget that we don't life together yet and there are (young) kids at her home and Little A. is often at my place too. We both consider our engagement rings as a far more powerful symbol of our commitment to one another.

I bought the collar some 5 months after Princess offered me the gift of her submission. Of course we talked about it before getting it and I told Princess what style of collar I had in mind. I did not want her to have a dime a dozen kind of collar but I am not handy enough to make one myself.

The collar and matching leach I finally picked out for Princess is handcrafted and made of very soft leather. I bought it in a nearby store specialized in high quality products for dogs and cats.

One evening I gave it to Princess. I had it gift wrapped in a beautiful wooden box, but we did not hold a ceremony.

Although Princess agreed being collared at first she did not like wearing it at all. It took a while before she understood the meaning, what it symbolized and I think I am in a way to blame for that. Maybe I should have done this in a different way. Maybe is anyway too late now.

That was then and we are now.

When we go to the Fetish Café Princess wears her collar with great pride. It makes her feel safe too knowing it indicates she is owned and nobody will annoy her in any way.

At home Princess wears the collar mostly when we play and afterwards Princess likes to keep in on while we travel through the night in each other's arms.

On several occasions Princess told me it makes her feel a little sad when I take the collar away.

I would like it very much though if Princess would wear it more often when we are at home and not only when we play. Why I don't know exactly. I guess it is the feeling, what it stands for. And it looks simply great on Princess.

For us both Princesses collar is a wonderful symbol expressing the intensity of our relationship and how very special it is.

### A Tuesday Evening – April 9, 2014

Tuesdays and Thursdays evenings are our moments and generally on Tuesday is our real evening together as Princess is able to come early to my place, between 19:30 and 21:00.

Yesterday I had been looking forward to our evening. I know Princess is stressed because Stella hasn't been too well lately. Stella can be a real pain and is able to suck 30 hours out of your normal 24-hour day. I knew all wasn't well when Princess texted me telling me she had left her home and came to pick me up. It was not even 18:00 and a holy hour for her kids as is midday on Sundays when they brunch.  
Patiently I waited outside, jumped movie style in Princess' car when she arrived and we drove for 40' to the nearby hospital where Stella was waiting for us to be picked up.  
In the E.R. for heaven's sake.  
Stella had two small suitcases with her, the buggy, Maxi-Cosi and a carton box with baby food and Pampers. And Star of course.

Stella's doctor had given her a referral letter for observation in a clinic and she had phoned her grandparents who had brought her to the hospital earlier that day. Princess has no clue what was written in this referral letter.

We took Stella to a nearby mall so she could get some food for her and Star and I pushed the shopping cart with Star sitting in it and making fun of me. Stella and Princess walked in front of me, obviously sharing intense mother-daughter moments. It made me happy because the evening before Stella had sent her mother a few not so pretty text messages, hell, let's cut the crap, Stella can be a raving bitch.  
Later that evening Princess told me Stella had promised her a few days ago to increase her medication.  
It shows.

Back at home Princess and I enjoyed some sushi and a glass of an excellent blend of Grenache and Shiraz and we mainly talked about our lifestyle and SM. Princess told me she had still issues with it, mainly in relation to herself.

Later on in bed she sulked, Princess, and asked me why I hadn't collared her. So I got out of bed and walked to the chest-of-drawers where I keep our stuff and got the collar. Immediately Princess felt better and she told me the collar comforted her as well.

We made love, Princess and I. Of course we did and I took it slowly and she savored every moment and accepted I stopped whenever I felt she was too close to an orgasm.

It was very intense and then I mounted Princess, pounding my hard cock leisurely in her. So it went on for a while and then I fucked her hard and violent, as I imagine a rapist would do, breathing heavily in her neck and making primal sounds.  
She gushed extensively when she came, wetting the sheets, my Princess. It was an intense one and she thanked me a zillion times.  
For what seemed an eternity I held Princess in my arms and then pushed her on me and she rode me like an Amazon would ride a stallion.

I guess we were in the company of the gods yesterday night. We both came simultaneously and Princess fell down on me and I held her in my arms.  
We stayed like that for a while until my cock softened and we didn't want the sheets to take more than they already had.  
Princess and I kissed and kissed and wished each other sweet dreams.

Somewhere during the night I suddenly woke up and I had tears in my eyes.  
Princess is my life, my breath and my heartbeat.

A Dinner Date – April 15, 2014

I have a date this evening.  
Princess is coming over for dinner and I'll be cooking for the love of my life.  
As I don't have this pleasure that often I'm going to make it a very special event for her.

Princess reads my blog too so I am not going to divulge too much concerning the menu. I am sure she will savor the meal though and it is something she hasn't eaten that often yet.

Of course I will be serving Shiraz.  
Princess will be seated at my dinner table, will she?

Except for her high heels she'll be naked or wear a black T-shirt that I will have ready for her.

Before we go to table I'll tie Princess up with a box-tie. Maybe I'll cut two holes in the black T-shirt to expose a part of her breasts or nipples, I have no idea yet.  
Then I will have the pleasure to feed Princess which will be another first.

Needless to say after dinner Princess and I are going to play.  
Trust me, it will be once again a very special evening.

Of course Princess will stay for the night and tomorrow we will wake up with a smile knowing we will be spending the bigger part of the day together.  
In the morning we have an appointment with K., the coach who is helping us coping with Princesses kids.

Waiting for Princess – April 15, 2014

I am waiting, impatiently, for Princess. The table is already perfectly laid and rope and collar are ready too.  
Princess will arrive at my place in less than an hour.

I have uncorked a bottle of excellent Shiraz so it can breathe. One of the cooking pots is filled with water and I've added a little salt and some olive oil.

The menu for this evening is a simple one but very yummy.  
Gnocchi al Pesto.

Of course Princess will be tied so I'll feed her using chopsticks. I'm not sure yet if I'll blindfold her too.  
We'll see...

### After The Dinner Party – April 17, 2014

Princess and I had an intense and wonderful evening.  
Dinner was great although sober and Princess enjoyed being fed. For me it was even more pleasurable though. Imagine having a beautiful woman sitting naked in front of you, carefully bound, love splashing out of her stunning eyes.

After finishing dinner, Gnocchi al Pesto, I pleasured Princess with a good spanking. I stopped just in time so she didn't come making her savor even more what came next.

Using some rope and a bamboo stick I spread Princesses legs and made her hot and horny with a mix of ginger and my tongue, once again denying my love the relief she was desperately craving for.  
It was only after the bigger part of her luscious body was covered with candle wax I granted Princess an orgasm.

I held her in my arms for a long time, whispering words of love, soothing my wife to be with soft kisses while her body slowly stopped quivering.

We went to bed and I held Princess in my arms, her soft skin warm against mine and we kissed for a while. Then we made love again and Princess whispered thank you when she climaxed and I smiled and felt so close to the love of my life. We are truly one soul, one heart, Princess and I.

I grabbed her hair and took Princess again, pinching her nipples violently and biting her ear lobes and she gasped underneath me, her nails buried deep in my back. I rode Princess hard, spearing her deep with my hard cock. Finally I found my release and when I did she climaxed too. Uncontrolled and so very wet Princess fell into my arms, shivering and breathless.

It was delicious and so intense and I kissed the tears out of her eyes before we fell asleep.

### About Photography Revisited – April 17, 2014

There was a time, not that far in the past, when I wandered the beaches of the Opal Coast in France. I was alone. I was a man desperately yearning for a companion, for romanticism. For love.  
The loneliness that filled my heart fueled me and inspired my landscape photographs of the mostly abandoned shores and landmarks like Cap Blanc Nez.

When Princess came into my life everything I had ever wished for in a relation became a wonderful and heart-warming reality. And with it the source my inspiration had been drinking from dried out. Princess motivated me in writing more though and I am still very grateful she did.

My last solo exposition in June 2012 was in every way a farewell to my landscape photography.  
To be honest afterwards I hardly touched my cameras. I felt there was nothing for me to tell. I was aware I needed to reinvent myself as a photographer.

I'm still stuck somewhere in that process and I haven't found a new approach yet.  
Sure, I've been dabbling with erotic/BDSM photography but I'm not convinced it is something to pursue. Do I really have something to add to the genre?

Years ago a very close friend of mine started an on-line project using his photography website and a Facebook page. He called it the 100 Photographs Project and forced himself to post a photograph every 3th day.  
Was it a success? I don't know but the website got lots of hits and he finally found a new élan in his photography.

Past Saturday evening I took Princess for a walk to the nearby woods. We savored the silence, the atmosphere of a world where a part was already going to sleep while another part was preparing for a night of hunting.

I held Princess close to me. We didn't talk much, we know each other well enough to hold intense conversations without using words. Yes, we are really close, Princess and I.

For a while we stood still on the border of a small pond. Light was fading and except for a zillion crickets there was no sound at all. It felt as if time had halted and Princess and I, well, we were even closer. One soul, one heart so to speak.

I closed my eyes, breathing in and savoring this moment of pure magic and happiness. For a fraction of second I saw, in my mind's eye, the Musée de l' Orangerie in Paris and Claude Monet's Water Lilies.

My Olympus E-PM1 equipped with the excellent and razor-sharp Olympus 45mm f1.8 clicked twice.

My image is of course a very watered down version of Claude Monet's unforgettable paintings.

While processing the image yesterday evening my friend's 100 Photographs Project crossed my mind.

So here it is.  
From now on I will post a photograph on this blog every Thursday. It will be accompanied by a short description or story.  
I will not limit myself concerning topics. My only criterion will be if I am proud of my creation.

Dears Readers and Friends, I give you my new project: Thursday's Photograph.

### Easter 2014 – April 20, 2014

To me each Holiday is a mixed bag of feelings. Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and to a lesser extent Easter, New Year's Day and Xmas are days when my mind and heart are battlefields. Some kind of clash of titans as it were, a confrontation between ratio and emotion.

On the background Lakmé is playing, The Flower Duet, a beautiful and fragile composition of sheer beauty. To be honest the whole CD, Shades of Grey, is filled with gems and is, in my opinion, the only worthwhile thing that came from the 50 Shades hype.

The mind is a wonderful toy to play with. When I close my eyes I cannot remember how Easter was when I was a child except for two very distinct memories.  
There is this huge carton Easter Egg, colorfully painted with motives I cannot recall. The two halves are decorated with paper lace and hidden in it are chocolates.

What I remember best though , probably because my Dad made a photograph, is me in the garden of my beloved grandparents reaching out for a red plastic basket filled with eggs. It is hanging on a branch of a tree and well out of reach for a little human like me.

Strange though that I cannot recall any Easter I spend with my daughters. Did they search for eggs? I only know we all dressed up and went to my Exes parents for an extremely boring afternoon. Although they were kind and caring people I had nothing in common with them, we could have originated from other planets.  
That is of course not important, my girls had a great time with them and that is what finally counts.

While writing this I suddenly grasp how my mother must have felt, not seeing her grandchildren, on days like this. Hell, not seeing them at all.  
How the mother of my children blinded me, how I was manipulated and made to believe things that now, when it is far too late, where not true at all.

I crave for that family feeling I lost so long ago. No parents, grandparents or uncles and aunts, they are all gone and only exist as memories.  
No personal family anymore, I gave that up in December 2006 when I left my wife. I still believe it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

But I cannot hide the fact I so would love to be a part of a family.  
Little A. and her mother are with her grandmother while Big A. is spending the afternoon with her boyfriend and his mother or father, I lost track.

Princess and her kids are spending Easter with the parents of her late husband.  
My sister whom I haven't seen in years has her wife and caring family.

And I?

I have started the day with Princess, drove her home and on the way we picked up Stella and Star. Stella hugged us both and that felt so great.  
I'll end the day with Princess when she comes back from diner with her family.  
Finally that is all what should matter. Holding Princess and knowing all is well.

But on a day like this, when emotion overtakes ratio I fucking miss them all... my parents and my grandparents... warmth, love and being a part of it.  
I so yearn for a caring and loving family.  
Being a part of....

How not to spend an Easter Monday – April 21, 2014

Yesterday evening Princess came by. She was very emotional and didn't feel well, and complained of some kind of knot in her stomach.

We watched a funny video clip about pet play made by The Upper Floor. It was funnier than it was arousing but what the hell.  
I gave my love something against the cramps and added a good therapeutic spanking bringing her to the brink of relief.

We moved to the bed and I tied Princess up and played with her, pushing her near an orgasm and then denying it. I did so over and over.  
"Please, please, Milord, can I?" she begged.  
Finally I told her to go for it and the relief she found was very intense. After the fourth one we called it a day.  
It was way past midnight and the knot in her stomach had now become a light, pulsing pain in her lower abdomen.

We didn't sleep very well. Stella phoned once and texted several times during the night and the early morning, all about simple things that suddenly become an issue, block her thoughts and then vaporize.

Under the duvet I was sweating and Princess shivering.

One moment I woke up when Princess got out of bed.  
"I'm getting a glass of water", she told me.

Minutes later I got worried, as I didn't hear any noise from the kitchen so I got out of bed too. Princess was sitting on the ground in the living room feeling light-headed and nauseous.

In the morning she didn't feel better, the pain had even worsened.  
"I'll take you to a medical post," I told her, "I don't want you to go home the way you are feeling."  
While she took a shower I opened a browser on the iMac. The symptoms Princess was complaining off sounded very familiar. A few months ago I had taken Stella to ER with almost the same complaints.

We visited the medical post and the doctor thought it was appendicitis.

Princess drove back home to park her car and take some stuff. The kids where very worried and I was standing out of their sight but I could hear them argue in the doorpost with their mother.

They didn't like the idea that I would take care of their mother. How can they be like that, not being happy there finally is somebody who takes care of their mom? They showed their ugly side and proved once again how selfish they are.

Soon after we arrived at the ER. It took almost 9 hours before they had finished their tests and were sure it was appendicitis.

Princess entered OR at 17:00 and now it is 18:40. I'm writing this in her room while waiting for her to return.

During the day I gave feedback to Stella who at one moment texted me to thank me for taking such good care of her mother.

I texted Bo too, today it is her 21st anniversary. I phoned Bo too so I could give her more information but she was very unfriendly with me.

When her mom was brought to the OR I phoned her twice to tell her what to do with the car and the keys. On both occasions she didn't bother to answer the call. A few minutes ago Stella phoned me to ask if it was okay if they came for a visit.

The 5 of them and Baby Star arrived half an hour after Princess had returned to her room. She was still feeling woozy but she was so happy to see her kids.

Except for Stella who gave me a hug and Baby Star would could not understand why I didn't take her in my arms, they completely ignored me as if I where only air.

I blew Princess a kiss and left, tired, emotionally wearied and hungry as a wolf, the hospital.

My boss had granted me a day off so tomorrow I'm going to fetch Princess.  
This whole day made us grow even closer to one another.

I am sure one day we will be One.

### Appendicitis, the day after – April 22, 2014

I arrived at the hospital at 10 in the morning. Princess was where I had left her the evening before so it was easy to find her.  
She looked pale and obviously didn't feel very well. Princess suffered from pain in her shoulders and the pressure of bubbles of air everywhere in her abdomen.

We kissed and I held her making sure I didn't hurt her even more.  
After a short while we broke loose and I pulled a chair next to her bed and we spend the remainder of the morning savoring simply being together.

Princess received a few phone calls from Stella who was once again completely out of touch with herself. The calls distressed Princess a great deal but there was nothing I could do to sooth her.

At noon I went down and got some sandwiches and we dined together, Princess and I, in her room.

Finally the head nurse came by with the necessary papers and a release form. It was 13:45 when we left the hospital.

I drove carefully, Princess was really feeling bad now and every bump in the road hurt and she fighting against nausea.

"I want to stay with you for a while", she whispered, "I don't feel okay enough to go home."  
We parked at my/our place and I helped her upstairs.  
Princess kicked out her shoes and dropped on the bed. I dropped my trousers and got rid of my T-shirt and got in bed too.  
I crawled up close to Princess, we spooned, her back against my belly.

"I'm so happy to be at home, here with you", she murmured.

The moment I felt the warmth of her body I couldn't help myself and was engulfed by a wave of intense and deep emotions.

I cried.  
Yes, I cried.  
Out of love, pure and unconditional love and because I was so happy to be here, now, with Princess.

We slept for an hour and then I drove Princess home and kissed her goodbye.

In half an hour I leave again. I have promised to pick up Stella and Star and drive them to the pediatrician.

### Thursday Photo - Poppy – April 24, 2014

Was it love at first sight?  
I think there is much more to it.  
Yes, I know, it is easy to say so after the facts, when one has gained knowledge and almost everything about the momentum is revealed.

Was it love at first sight?  
Without any doubt I can safely say yes.

That evening when I first laid eyes on Princess my world shifted, tilted and changed. This beautiful woman swept me off my feet and in my mind's eye I still see her bathing in a golden light.  
Much later I would realize I had seen her some 6 months earlier. At that moment and during a brief instant our eyes had met. Princess had already touched my heart. It was so deep, a promise for a future we were not aware of at that time.

So when we really met, Princess and I, that evening on September 6th, 2011, it was a confirmation, a connection and even recognition. It was much more than love at first sight. It was our ultimate destination.

We love to think we were born for each other.  
I have never been so close with someone as with Princess.

We went further, dissecting and discovering each other.  
Finally we reinvented us in a caring D/s relation where trust has settled in and love has become so intense and so pure.

Thank you Princess for touching my heart and changing my life for the better.  
Thank you for your unconditional love, Princess.  
Thank you for sharing my life, for walking with me, it is a true honor.

### More about Thursday's Photograph – April 24, 2014

Recently I bought a neat little app called Creative Book Builder (CBB) for my iPad Air and it turned out to be a 3.99$ well spent.  
CBB builds EPUB (and PDF) books and does this very well.

I have no intention to write a review but for those who are curious I'm adding a few links.

Writing and publishing with Creative Book Builder  
Creative Book Builder App

The author, Tiger Ng, has a blog too where one can find help and other information. There is also an Android version of CBB.

Until now I've used Creative Book Builder mainly for creating EPUB for private usage, filled with erotic stories I copy from the Internet. It is so much easier to read them on a tablet, leisurely on the couch.

When one of my dear friends did his 100 Photographs Project a few years ago he also created 4 PDF-books and published them on ISSUU if I'm not mistaken so people could download them for free. He recently told me they had been downloaded 970 times. Wow.

Last week I started my own little photography project on this blog called Thursday's Photograph.  
So, why not create an eBook with the photographs and the accompanying text? But at what rate? One for each month? Three months?  
Of course I would make them available for free.

What is your opinion, dear Reader?

### A Thursday Evening – April 25, 2014

We had a great and intense Thursday evening, Princess and I. Yes, my love is feeling better.

Princess was stressed though when I picked her up at the garage where her car was scheduled for maintenance this Friday. In less than half an hour before our date my love received some 30 text messages and 16 voice messages from Stella and the last ones where not very friendly.

On the way home she called her first-born and put her on the speaker so I could follow the conversation. I'm happy Princess followed one of my tips and instead of telling Stella she is not ill (she isn't trust me, it is about hypochondria) causing Stella to go mad and/or break the communication, she listens and answers without confirming anything.

At home I collared Princess and we drank some Shiraz, comfortable seated on the couch with music by StrangeZero on the background.

"Hungry?" Princess asked?  
"Mmm, yes," I told her.  
What followed was another wonderful and intense first one.

Princess told me I was free to read, work or surf on the iMac while she cooked dinner.  
For a while Princess was busy in the open kitchen while I worked on my epub project.

When dinner was almost ready I set the table and sat down as Princess had expressed her wish to serve me.

Today Princess told me she had enjoyed it so much, cooking for and serving me. I had too, and the chili con carne was simply delicious.

Yes, I had enjoyed this first one so much as it gave me, us, a glimpse of our future.  
Princess and I in a loving and caring D/s relation happily living together. We would then be, of course, a married couple.

We watched "Citizen Kane" on the iMac but we didn't finish it.

Princess and I went to bed, we were exhausted and longing for each other's arms. Carefully I gave her a few orgasms before we fell asleep.  
It was Friday, early morning and we hadn't made love since past Sunday night. For us it seemed like a century ago.

She sighed of contentment, my Princess, snuggling and kissing.  
We fell asleep and didn't dream as our dreams were right there, next to one another.

Princess cooking

### Sexy Fetish Wear for Princess – April 25, 2014

We woke up early this Friday morning. During the night one of Princess' daughters, Bo, called about a boyfriend of a girlfriend of hers, stiff on drugs, flipping and menacing Bo. The all live in the same student home block. Mother and daughter talked for 15' or so while I desperately tried to fall asleep again.

At 8 or so The Boy called but Princess choose not the answer that one. We were awake though and I made love to Princess and made her cum at least 5 times before I took her and made her cum very wet.

Finally she gluttonously drank me.

Of course Stella called too, pleading for a lift to the hospital for the examination she was scheduled for. Princess said no because the trip could be easily done by train.

It is not about being a bad mom, it is about drawing lines and Stella needs them otherwise she'll devour you alive.

"I am sure is she calls you you'll say yes," Princess smirked.

"She won't call me," I told her.

Not even 5 minutes later Stella phoned me.  
"Please Franco, I feel bad, my body hurts, I need you to take me to the hospital. Otherwise I won't make it in time for the examination."  
My heart bled when I said no and she hung up, angry.

We enjoyed a healthy breakfast with grapefruits and Princess cut and peeled one for me.

"Listen baby, in a few weeks we have a play date in the Fetish Cafe and I would love to see you wear something new."

Princess smiled.  
"Let's go girl."

We spend two hours in an erotica shop in my hometown.

First we tried the fishnet-based stuff.  
Princess has a beautiful formed body but she isn't 20 anymore and these clothes seemed to emphasize the wrong details too much.  
We moved to wet look as latex was way to expensive for the end of the month.  
The poor thing changed clothes a zillion times and finally there were only two outfits that pleasured us both.

"It is your call, Milord," she told me.

One dress has a closed fine gauzed net for the back and a wet look front making her curves simply look gorgeous. A gauzed comma-shape went down a breast making the border of the nipple visible. Erotic, sensual and very hot, ideal for an evening of play in a club.  
The second one was a dress with an open back and I know how I like to stroke Princess' bare back. It was sexy too without being erotic albeit also showing her curves in a very advantageous way.  
If it wouldn't have been the end of the month I would have bought both but I couldn't afford doing so.

I finally chose the dress Princess is willing to wear when we go out dancing or for dinner. It is an extremely sexy dress without being too provocative.  
It is the kind of dress a woman would wear when accompanied by a Dom who respects his wife and is happy to know she feels sexy, female, safe and free in the expression of her sexuality.  
A Dom who does not care or is not intimidated by the hungry looks of other men, stare and look but in the end she goes home with me.

The most important thing is that Princess loves the dress and feels extremely sexy wearing it. The leash though is in my hands.

Princess and I ended the day fetching Stella. She was mad and hurt and loved the attention we gave her.

I dropped them both at the garage.  
"A hug?" I asked Stella.  
"Don't fuck with me, this is not funny", she scowled.  
In despite everything Stella hugged me and tapped me on the shoulder.  
I kissed Princess goodbye.

We won't see each other before next Sunday evening. I wish I could fuck Princess, wearing the dress, this evening.  
Dream on, Franco. Dream on.

The eBook Project – April 26, 2014

I've created an account on Smashwords and published my first eBook!

It is in EPUB format and you can find it HERE.

This first electronic book, merely a test, contains the two images and text from the Thursday's Photograph blog posts I made in April.

As from now I will publish a new eBook each 2 months. So the next one will be published in the beginning of July and will contain the Thursday's Photograph from May and June.

I didn't seem to be able to upload a Kindle version of this little book and I have no idea why. So if one of you, Readers, would like a Kindle format version, just write me an email.

Please let me know if you liked this little book and of course I'll embrace comments and polite, constructive critiques.

Thank you so much for your cooperation.

A treasure in an old shoe box – April 27, 2014

Some weeks ago I received a text message from my daughter's mother urging me to come and get a few boxes of stuff that belong to me. She had cleaned up her cellar and if I would not collect my possessions ASAP they would be thrown away.  
Seven years after I left her I collected some property of mine I did not know still existed.  
It was mostly trash and a few books, news clippings and souvenirs of forgotten trips and holidays.

Among it was an old shoe box holding a treasure of long ago memories.

I haven't browsed through it all yet.

First I found a few invitations for expositions my mom, my sister and I held some 30 years ago. Letters from a friend I hardly remembered.

Some pay slips and commission notes, 1986. With it a handful letters from happy customers thanking me for services rendered. One was sent by Air Mail from the Republic of Niger and written on very thin paper I was informed and thanked. After returning from Brussels to the sender's mission in Africa my advice had helped him solve a problem with his printer. Check out the stamp celebrating the 1986 apparition of Halley's Comet.

What I found next, digging deeper in the box, made me sob and then cry, the emotions and memories that engulfed me to overwhelming to deal with. Little A. is with me and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

I found old birthday cards written on and signed by aunts and uncles from England, my grandparents, my mother and father. Family long gone.

I could not believe my eyes when I held a card for my first birthday in my hands. Can you imagine? It is more than half a century old.

When I found a card with a longer message written by my Father for my 12th birthday I could not continue. I was too afraid I would find a 13th birthday card with his writing on. My Father died two weeks after. That day my carefree childhood ended and nothing was ever the same again.

For a moment I felt fathomless sadness enveloping me. It was followed by intense gratitude for having known these loving and caring people whom helped me form and be who I am today.  
My grandparents and my parents gave me an incredible and unforgettable childhood. They made me so very happy and I can only hope I made them happy and proud too.

I would love to continue this voyage with Princess.  
Not only to share my earliest memories but my tears too.

### May 1st, 2014

Today is the first of May and a day with many faces.

It is International Worker's Day or Labor Day and a national public holiday in many countries.  
May 1 was chosen by the Socialists and Communists of the Second International to commemorate the Haymarket affair in Chicago that occurred on May 4, 1886 (Wikipedia).

Only today you'll find little stands everywhere selling these highly poisonous lilies of the valley.

Princess picked some for me on April 10. While waiting for Stella at "4" Princess and I took little Star for a walk and we found some growing under brushwood.

First of the month also means payday.

For us, Princess and I, there are a few events waiting for us.

This Saturday her parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.  
Wow.  
Unfortunately lots of disputes between Princess and her kids and a few arguments between us both preceded this event.  
Although invited by Princess' parents her kids did not want me to come. With the help of K., a relation coach we've been seeing and who gave us a few useful tips, a compromise was made. Princess and her kids will attend the family dinner. It makes sense. After all I am not family.

I'll attend the after dinner surprise party together with brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts of the celebrating couple. Princess' kids then have the choice to stay or leave. The Boy and Bo will probably stay and Kay, the youngest, and Ar won't.

On May 17 and 18 Princess and I travel to the Opal Coast in France. We are staying at Hôtel De La Plage in Calais. It is a region I love very much and where I used to go often before Princess and I met.

Saturday, May 24th will mark another first. In the afternoon Princess and I will go the Fetish Café in Antwerp for a private play session with 3 other couples. Afterwards we will all have dinner together and I hope Princess will be able to spend the night with me too. The next day elections for the Belgian and European parliament are held.

May is going to be one hell of a month.

A Golden Jubilee – May 3, 2014

It's May 3th. The sun is shining and while writing I hear church bells ringing. It is too late for Mass so it is either a goodbye or a marriage. I hope for the latter.

Fifty years ago Princess' parents got married. Today they celebrate their Golden Jubilee with the family.  
As Princess' partner I am invited too and it is a real honor to be able to pay my respects to her folks on this special day. They are good and kind people.

I'll be arriving after dinner so Princess' kids can spend time with their grandparents too. They will then have the choice to stay or to leave. I hope they will stay.

Earlier this morning Princess texted me to ask if I would bring her collar with me. Obviously it is not her intention to wear it during the party. That would be something, mingling with the invitees, most of them 70+, with Princess walking on a leash next to me. I guess my CPR skills would come in handy.

Princess proposed to go to the Antwerp Fetish Cafe later on this evening, if we are not too tired. It is after all the first Saturday of the month and thus Fetish Lounge Club.

For the jubilee Princess will be wearing her beautiful black dress I bought during our holiday in Germany. Maybe her mother will find it to short but what the heck. Princess has a body to die for and delicious long legs so I like to show her off.

Wow... being married for 50 years! They still love each other and a careful observer can clearly see the delicate tenderness sparkle.

I wish Princess' parents a grand day.

### A new whip – May 4, 2014

###

A few days ago, while Princess was trying on Wet Look Fetish clothing, a couple of whips hanging in a corner of the shop struck my eye.  
The whip felt very balanced in my hand. Its tails, soft yet heavy, generated a very sensual feeling when I gently petted the sensitive skin of my inner forearm. It was definitively a candidate for my collection.

Yesterday afternoon, when I left for Princess's parent's golden jubilee I stopped briefly at the shop and bought the whip. It's an expensive one but I don't mind, the pleasures we both get out of whips are priceless.  
This black rubber whip is elegant and sexy. Sensual to look at and touch, I think is has a weight behind it that can be quite rewarding. In general, a rubber whip gives more sting than a leather whip of comparable weight.

I gave it to Princess yesterday evening after we returned from her parent's golden jubilee.  
We didn't use the whip at its full extent though. Little A. is staying at my place this weekend.  
Princess and I like the whooshing sound it makes.

Princess sighed in delight when I let the rubber strands softly caress her sensitive "after orgasm" skin and she got goose bumps all over.  
I hope to use this rubber whip for what is was intended for real soon.

Next on my list is a horsetail whip. The texture of the hairs are soft and oily and I'm sure such a whip promises even more pleasure. They are expensive though, around 250$.  
Maybe something for under Princess' Christmas tree?

### Princess, a Collar and BDSM – May 6, 2014

###

### I replied too, kind of half-hearted I admit, knowing I was going to write something on this topic.  
After all this is a diary.  
It is Princess and my diary.

BDSM carries a vast and varied cargo of flavors and a different experience for each of us. For Princess and me D/s is mostly a sexual orientation.

I do not own Princess except for what she has given me. Princess has given me her heart, her trust, her Love and her body.  
When I think about it I have never been as close with someone as with Princess.

I respect Princess and I love and trust her beyond reason. Looking at her, seeing that post-coital glare on her face can make me cry.

It is as fucking simple as that.

Our relation is thus a D/s based one.

No Daddy/Baby Girl or Master/slave dynamics although I'm pretty sure Princess will tell you, when I am out of ear sight, she sees herself as my sex slave.

Do I or would we wish a 24/7 D/s relationship? That is an interesting question and for the moment the answer would be a full hearted NO.

I've cooked on several occasions for Princess and, when she was with us, for Little A. I've served them too as it pleasures me to do so.  
A few weeks ago Princess cooked for the first time for us both. She asked for her collar and told me not to enter the kitchen. I sat at my computer and wrote and watched my love being busy in this space new to her.  
It made me so happy. Not for the stereotypical role-play but because it felt comfy and familiar.

Princess served me an excellent chili con carne and told me she loves preparing dinner and serving me.  
One could see this as an act of D/s yet I think it is simply common practice in most relations.

Helping Princess out with her agenda or assisting her choosing a GPS makes me a good and helpful partner. Listening to her and comforting Princess does not mean I am her Dom. I am simply her partner. We are supposed to help support and motivate each other. That is what relations are about.  
I guess almost every D/s relation, to the outside world, looks like any other relation.  
The differences lie much deeper and are less tangible for the public.

So for Princess and I D/s is a just an extra albeit intense layer on a normal and close relationship.

We use whips, clamps, bondage rope and hot wax among other things during our love play. Princess crawls for me or eats out of a bowl at my command. I decorate her beautiful body with bite marks and give her crimson red butt cheeks.  
The combination of pain and pleasure brings Princess to mind-blowing orgasms.

All the above and the fact we trust each other completely and communicate the way we do, makes our relations better and more intense.  
That I do believe.

I also believe a collar can be important in a D/s relation yet its meaning or importance differs depending of the type of D/s.

Princess did not earn her collar and we did not hold a collaring ceremony.

When we play I collar Princess, a symbol of her submission. It helps her shift her mindset too.

At my place she likes to sleep wearing her collar.

Princess always wears her collar when we play outdoors; at parties or at the Fetish Café.  
She wants everybody to know she is owned and a submissive. It makes her proud, feel safe and under the protection of me, her Dom.

Has a collar changed or added something valuable to our relation?  
Not really.  
BDSM has though and in so many ways added to the depth, intensity and beauty of what Princess and I live.

### Looking forward to this evening – May 6, 2014

The last time we played was Easter Sunday evening. Princess was not feeling well and thought it was food related.  
During that night her abdominal pains increased and in the morning I had to take Princess to ER. Princess has completely recovered from her appendicitis. In between Little A. spend a few weekends with me/us.

So it has been more than 3 weeks since Princess and I last played and we are so eagerly looking forward to this evening.

Princess is so excited by the prospect of discovering how the new whip with its rubber strands feels. I'll add some bondage and spanking, hot wax, clover clamps and use a piece of juicy ginger root. I will be concentrating mostly on bondage and some photography though.

Of course I will hold back. After all it has been 3 weeks since my hand touched her delicious butt. Maybe, just maybe I'll introduce caning to our play. We have been talking about it for some time now.

Princess will be denied release for the bigger part of the evening and if she feels she is close to one Princess will have to say "stop please".  
Using ginger root on her hotspot will make here crave for release even more.

I will use Princess for my pleasure in every way I wish and I will visit and use every attraction her body has to offer. She knows very well what I mean by this.

There will be Shiraz and sushi too and lots of cuddling.

Later on this evening Princess and I will spend the night together. It feels so great holding Princess in my arms throughout the night. Starting a new day with a real kiss is each time an overwhelming experience.

Yes, Princess and I have a play date tonight.

### Car Wash – May 8, 2014

In a few months my car will be 5 years old and paid for. I hope I can drive it for at least another year.

The model is a Partner Tepee and if I'm not mistaken my 6th Peugeot. 50 years ago my father drove Simca, also a French brand. He bought his cars in the same garage.

Until recently it was a father to son company. The guy who sold cars to my father had a son who sold cars to me. He on the other hand has no son and his daughter is not interested so the garage is sold.  
My father gave his cars common names.  
I do not.

Over the past 5 years my car got a wash twice.  
About 4 years ago I gave a neighborhood kid a few Euro's to wash my car.

The second time was past Saturday. I went to the car wash before driving to Princess Parent's golden jubilee.  
It seemed like a nice thing to do, showing up in a clean car.

### A Tuesday evening – May 8, 2014

###

Knock, knock.  
"Who is it?" I yelled.  
"It is me," a woman's voice replied.  
"Who is 'me'?" I asked.

I opened the door for Princess.  
"I'm so happy to see you", she smiled.  
"Hi," I said.  
"I'm already very wet," she chuckled.  
Water was dripping from her raincoat on the floor. I helped her out of it and hung it with a coat hanger above the bathtub. It had been raining almost all afternoon and evening.

"Don't worry, Princess." I took her in my arms and while kissing her I kicked the front door shut.

We went to the living room and I directed Princess to the church chair.  
"Sit."  
I opened a bottle of Lindeman's Bin 50 Shiraz and poured two glasses.  
After handing Princess one I sat down on the couch opposite to Princess.

"Mmmm, delicious," she whispered, "but spending the whole evening and night with you is even more heavenly."  
We talked for a while and at the same time I gently caressed Princesses arms and thighs with my riding crop.

"Stand up", I told her and got up from the couch.  
Teasingly I slid my hands over her body, sensing the soft fabric of her clothes before undressing Princess allowing her to keep on her high heels.  
I stepped back and let my eyes savor the beauty of her naked body. Princess is such a gorgeous creature and a beautiful person.  
We are so close, Princess and I.  
She inspires me, challenges me and we are crazy about each other. Princess is my best friend, makes me complete and the love we share is fathomless, profound, pure and unconditional.

We had such fun past Tuesday evening. Princess loved the way the new whip touched and pleasured her skin.  
She shivered when the rubber tails slid from her shoulders down over her back.  
In a swift motion I moved the whip up again, between her legs, the rubber strands gently hitting her folds and sensitive clit making Princess moan.  
Compared to the leather whip this one leaves hardly any traces which is a good thing. I am always afraid one of her daughters walks into the bathroom when Princess is showering at her place.

I played with her, pushing every button as far as I could, testing and teasing Princess as I had forbidden her to cum.

We went on for hours and when I finally gave Princess permission to orgasm she came so intensely she fell on her knees.  
I held her in my arms for a long time, kissing her gently on the forehead, stroking her hair.

Princess was a little hungry so I served a plate with Sushi and finished the bottle of wine.

After that we went to bed, tired, exhausted, happy and feeling so close, our bodies burning with desire, our souls filled with love. Of course we made love again and again until we both were satiated.  
Like we always do we slept well, Princess and I, holding each other throughout the night.

### The Way We Love Each Other – May 11, 2014

"Please Milord, give me pain", she moaned.  
Early morning light peeked through the closed curtains and lit her skin and hair up in flares of liquid gold.  
My god, she is so fucking beautiful.

It was not the begging undertone in her voice that struck a chord but the glare of pure lust in her eyes. That and the simple fact that I am a sadist and get off on hurting her whilst making love.

\------- ************** -------

We watched Volume II of Lars Von Triers' Nymphomaniac the previous evening. It was a quite different movie than Volume I.  
I liked the dialogues between Joe (the Nymphomaniac) and Seligman (the confessor) more than I did in Volume I.

Extreme intellectual discussions about love, religion, sexuality, deprivation and so much more, even pedophilia, while the images discovered the boundaries between mainstream cinema and pornography. This is after all European cinema.

Funny too, the scene where Joe wants to fuck two black men but the guy and his brother get into a fight about who is going to use which hole and completely forget her presence.

The scenes with Dom K. gave me boner and the combination of dialogues and images intense.

The end was a disturbing one and we discussed it vigorously and did not agree at all. But we did not fight over it though, right or wrong is after all something very personal.

We finished our wine and then I told her to go to our bedroom and wait at the door.

I quickly cleaned up, blew out the candles and in the bedroom I closed the door.  
She looked at me and I could read the emerging question in her eyes. Why close our bedroom door if Little A. is not staying with us?  
"Hush girl", I told her and quickly undressed her.

Turned her naked body towards the door and instructed her to put her hands against it.

"Look at them. I am going to choose one", I told her and pointed to the collection of whips hanging against the wall.  
"You are not allowed to come this evening. You understand, girl?"  
She sighed and I grabbed the whip with the rubber tails.  
I did not start gently.

Later she told me she liked the sensual sting of the rubber strands but prefers by far the intensity of leather whips.  
She sometimes questions why I hold back.  
Later on in bed I kissed her, yanking her hair and pinching her nipples, grabbing her breast and sinking my nails its soft tissue.  
Bringing her a zillion times to the brink of release without pushing her from the cliff.

Of course I fucked her too.  
My hand on her face, pushing her away, avoiding her eyes. My fingers closing around her throat and telling her what a dirty egocentric orgasmslut she is.

We slept rather well, two horny bodies desperately seeking the oblivion of orgasming.

\------- ************** -------

"Please Milord, give me pain", she moaned.  
Early morning light peeked through the closed curtains and lit her skin and hair up in flares of liquid gold.  
My god, she is so fucking beautiful.

I sunk my teeth in her shoulders.  
Biting her.  
Fucking her hard.  
Grazing her body with my teeth.  
Biting. Hell, it gives me a hard-on.  
One hand pulling her hair, the other slapping her ass, tongues dancing while I fucked her, raped her.

Tearing her apart, spearing her.  
I saw the gaze in her eyes break when she finally came, her cum gushing over my balls and thighs.

Words being conceived in her mouth but not having the strength to give birth to them.  
It was useless as I could read the love in every move she made, in her breathing, her eyes and scent.

Later on that morning she lay next to me and we watched each other while I jerked off.  
When I was nearing my release she wanted to go down on me but I held her firm against me.

I came and felt my sticky cum on my belly and she looked at me, saw me cum and I cried.  
It was so fucking intense and I so wanted Princess to see me in my moment of absolute vulnerability.

I know I cannot exist without Princess.

About SM – May 14, 2014

In the deepest recesses of my brain lies a room I've always been aware if its existence.  
When I was a kid I often dreamt I owned cages and cellars. I held naked or half-naked women in them. They were projections of the females I discovered in an art book with surrealistic paintings by Paul Delvaux. It was a small book I had found in a drawer in my parent's bedroom one day when they were out. I guess I must have been eight or nine.

The dreams excited me although I cannot remember doing things to or with these women. After all at that age I had no notions about sexuality and erections and wet dreams were hidden in a faraway future.

We had no television but my grandparents did. Series like Ivanhoe (1958-1959) awakened this pre-sexual excitement too. Captured women and whipping scenes tickled my fancy and scenes with damsels in distress being "tortured" made my day. One could describe the feeling as butterflies in the lower regions of my belly.

For decades the door of this room, buried under loads of education, stayed closed. There was nobody I trusted enough to discover these darkest secrets.

The violent whipping scenes in Histoire d'O (1975) made me remember its existence as did, over the years, several other visual stimuli like passages in erotic literature, photos or over the hill sex scenes in crap movies.

With Princess I was able to push its door ajar and we found intense gratification in the lustful pain hidden in this room. It had been waiting for decades for me, Us, Princess and I, to find it, to enter it and discover, hand in hand.

When Princess does not spend the evening and night with me we phone each other before Morpheus pays us a visit. Being connected only by a pair of copper wires, confession mode, our discussions are much more intimate than would be talking over dinner.

We go deep, traveling through our deepest desires, wishes and cravings, while we are lying in separate beds, embedded in darkness. It then truly is Princess and me. Nothing else interferes.

It is a huge step for Princess to ask me to inflict pain, education you now, and maybe shyness too. As it is a difficult step for me too, one does not hurt loved ones or other human beings or animals. It is a hardcoded by religion and upbringing.  
My mother had a saying. Hell, she had a lot of them. In war and love everything is permitted. I finally know what she meant.

I cannot speak for Princess but here is what is does to me.  
Whipping Princess, or spanking or caning gives me intense mental fulfilment. Forcing Princess to crawl for me does the same but the visual satisfaction is much stronger, the cherry on the pie.  
Biting Princess, grazing her body, sinking my teeth in her shoulders, or in the soft tissue of her delicious breasts or buttocks make me mad, give me incredible and intense sexual gratification that is beyond words. Dripping hot wax does the same as does using the wheel of pain.  
For example intense spanking is enough for make Princess orgasm.

The fact I love to give Princess the pain that arouses her sexually is such a strong drug. I embrace it, enjoy it but is comes not without anxiety. Sometimes I fear travelling further on this road although I am aware I would love to do so.  
Maybe knowing I enjoy pain too, thus being both a Sadist and a masochist is a harsh confrontation in its own right.

I believe our voyage in the world of BDSM has just begun.  
I embrace it at its fullest as it is an intense and fascinating trip that goes further and deeper than sexual fun.  
Yesterday evening we played and we laughed and enjoyed being together. We made some photographs too.

My Friends, Readers... meet Princess who is everything for me and the reason of my existence.

### Summerhouse in the evening – May 15, 2014

It was an evening on the beach of Sangatte. The darkening sky lit up by the glow of the industrial zone around Calais. Behind me the Channel, the very faint lights of a not so distant Dover barely visible.  
The date was March 12, 2010.

It had been a hell of a creative day and later on that night, back in my hotel room, I looked at the shots I had made.

At first I could not believe what I saw. Displayed on the computer screen were a handful of images so beautiful I could not imagine it was me who had made them.  
It was the kind of landscape photography I've always been jealous of, the kind of work only a true artist makes.  
Yes, for the first time in my life I felt proud of what I had created and it was a wonderful and very satisfying feeling.

I was unaware it would be the last time I visited the Opal Coast alone.

One year and a half later I would finally catch up with my destiny when Princess joined my life's path. O, what a discovery was that!

Eight months later we spend our first weekend, my birthday, at the Opal Coast. Princess enjoyed discovering all these spots where I had made my landscape photographs. How different it was being there with my love and showing her the place that had become kind of second home.

Two months later, in June, Princess and my two daughters stood next to me on the opening night of my last exposition. It was organized in my home town.  
Friends surrounded us that evening and it was a memorable experience. I still consider it as a farewell to my previous life.

I am so looking forward to the coming weekend. Princess and I are going to spend a weekend at the Opal Coast. I have missed that region so much and returning with Princess makes me so very happy.

Thank you, Princess, for making my life such an incredible and intense journey.

### Preparing for the weekend – May 16, 2014

###

I'm preparing my kit bag.  
Clean socks, a few T-shirts, a couple of undies, pants, shoes to name a few.  
One of my cameras of course.  
I've chosen for the Olympus E-PM1 and a few lenses. They are razor-sharp and small enough to not be a hindrance.

Chargers for our phones and iPad too of course as we want to stay connected to the world.  
Yeah, sure, dream on.  
It will be just Princess and I.

A bottle of Shiraz and two glasses, a few small bottles of water are packed in another, smaller bag.  
Oh, let us not forget the rubber whip, rope, wheel of pain and the mattress protector. We will try to make some BDSM-photographs outside if we can.  
Princess' collar is packed too as she stressed me on several occasions not to forget it.

Tomorrow morning, very early, I'll make some sandwiches and coffee.

Then I'll pick up Princess at her home if her kids do not want her to come over to my place this evening.

The weather is going to be fine and I am sure we will enjoy this weekend, Princess and I.  
Yeah, packed some sunblock too. Fuck, almost forgot, it is important as she has a light skin.

From where we live to Calais where we will be staying is 250 km, a 2:30 hour drive if all goes well. Probably we'll go as far as Boulogne-sur-Mer and then back to Calais following the D940, a beautiful coastal road, through Wimereux, Wisant and of course Cap Blanc Nez.  
Ah, Blanc Nez... the place where one day, in a not so far future I hope, I'll fall on my knee and pop the question.

Maybe we'll drive to Saint-Omer on Sunday to visit La Coupole%7Cutmcmd=organic%7Cutmctr=\(not%20provided\)&amp;__utmv=-&amp;__utmk=40385314) a V2 launching base that once threatened London. It depends on the weather.

Oh boy, we have been so looking forward to this weekend.  
It will be just Us, Princess and I.

Digue Carnot, Boulogne-sur-Mer and a World War 2 relic

Back from the Opal Coast – May 19, 2014

Princess and I enjoyed our weekend at the French Opal Coast very much.

When entering Calais on Saturday morning we were confronted with the cruel reality of (illegal) migration. Near the ferry ports, on an abandoned industry site, we saw several dozen of cardboard boxes covered with grey plastic waste bags. A handful of igloo tents too, property of the more fortunate or seasoned refugees. Amongst these shelters hopeless people were wandering around like zombies.

This is the cruel reality of border regime. These people are desperately looking for ways to cross the 45 kilometers between the European mainland and Dover in Great-Britain.  
There are two main camps in Calais known as the Syria Camp and Eritrea Camp. Despite the names these camps houses many different communities.

It seems numbers in Calais are at the biggest for a long time, there are reports that around 500 people are now present. There are also many unaccompanied minors coming through Calais at the moment and staying in the camps. A lot of pressure is being put on the scarce resources available to those in Calais. There are not enough showers, pallet and wood sources, food, clothes or sleeping stuff to go around.

Rumors go that these camps will be evicted by police at the end of this month.

It made us think about luck and fate, poverty, war and economic migrants and so. This refugee camp stayed on our minds for the remainder of the weekend and fueled a few intense discussions between Princess and me.

The weather was great with a mild 20° on Saturday and a wind still 24° on Sunday.

We drove along the coastline from Calais to Wimereux and back to Calais stopping at several locations for walking.

In the evening we drove back to Wimereux and enjoyed delicious pizzas at Bar Pirate, an excellent and well know restaurant.  
On the road back to Calais we stopped at Cap Griz Nez for a walk while the day came to its end, they sky darkening and the sea red as blood while the last rays of the sun lit Princesses beautiful eyes.

We called it a day and returned to our hotel room where we showered away the fatigue and we made intense love. No whipping, pinching, collar or biting but soft vanilla and very enjoyable sex. We were simply too tired for anything else.

The next morning, after once again enjoyable vanilla sex, we took our time for breakfast and then left for Cap Blanc Nez. After some 20' of steep walking we arrived at its top. Cap Blanc Nez is, for me, a mystical place and it feels grand to be there.

Afterwards we drove to Wissant where we enjoyed, at La Terrasse, a delicious goat cheese salad and chilled drinks.

We finished our afternoon on the beach of Audresselles and started the trip back home at 17:00.  
I dropped Princess off at her home around 20:40, we had lost one hour and a half due to a traffic jam.

It had been a memorable, magical and intense weekend with sun, sea and sex and delicious food. We talked a lot about our future, our hopes and dreams too.  
I have never been as close with someone else as with Princess and experience the intensity of our live a revelation.

Thank you Princess for sharing all this with me.  
You make me very happy and complete as a person.

### Marked – May 19, 2014

I came prepared for our weekend but the rope, whip, collar and wheel of pain were not used.  
We made love though.  
Several times.

Saturday afternoon after checking in I gave Princess an orgasm or two and I could taste her wetness on my lips and tongue for the bigger part of the afternoon.

Before falling asleep I made her cum a few times using my fingers and my tongue. I did not bite or pinch but traced the curves of her delicious body with the tip of my tongue. No nipple pinching but gentle sucking and licking combined with a few moderate squeezes.

I didn't spank Princess either but caressed her legs and thighs, softly brushing them with my fingers.  
No biting in her ear lobes or shoulders or squeezing her breasts leaving fingernail marks in them. The only rough thing I did was pulling Princess' hair.  
It was Vanilla with a sting.  
Sunday morning it was still Vanilla.  
With a sting.

The fact we could hear everything going on in the room next to ours was one of the reasons albeit not the most important one.

Recently we've been exploring our S & M tendencies more in-depth and that was fun.  
Actually too much fun.  
In fact we got carried away a little.

There are bite marks on Princess' shoulders and those on her upper arms have become yellow bruises.

They are visible.  
Very visible.

Summer is nearing and the past few days have been sunny and warm. Nobody in his or hers right mind will wear a pullover with long sleeves and very closed around the neck.  
Princess can be slightly careless at times too and loves wearing a top leaving her shoulders and upper arms uncovered.  
Her kids have been asking questions lately about the marks they see. It makes us uncomfortable and worried. Stella in particular is very sensible as she lived with an abusive partner.

So yes, it is not inconceivable that her kids think I hit their mother, that I am an abusive partner.  
It was in a way a good thing that Princess stumbled over her own feet a few days ago. Luckily she did not fall too hard, it was in her garden but the following few days her behind felt sore. It gave her an explanation for the bruises on her arm though.

It is a wake-up call.  
We need to be much more careful. Princess and I get carried away so easily.  
For me there is no problem.

There is one for Princess though. It is very possible that one day one of her daughters will come into the bathroom while she is showering. Her kids see every change on her skin, arms or legs.  
I do not dare to start imagine what would follow, the extent of opening this box of Pandora.

Are we limited in what we can do during the summer?  
It is an intriguing question.  
We have no answers yet.

Toot-Toot Blog Tour Coming Through – May 20, 2014

My friend Vile has invited me to join his "Blog Tour," which I accept with great appreciation and pleasure. So thank you, Vile.  
I am a big fan of his blog The Kinky World of Vile and if you don't know it then check it out.

What is the idea behind this Blog Tour?  
It's pretty simple. Answer the 4 questions about yourself and post the answers on your blog page and then invite a few other bloggers that you admire to join in on the fun and include links to their blogs on your page.

What am I working on at the moment?  
Princess and I are shooting BDSM inspired photographs. It is an ongoing project we work on when we feel like doing so. It is private stuff or images for my blog.  
A few weeks ago I started my Thursday's Photograph project. The idea behind this project is to be creative "on command".  
I would love to write short stories, I have even a few plot lines ready. The only thing holding me back is my limited notion of the English language.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?  
I have no idea if it does differ and if so in what way. I know my writing is mostly very personal. It is a very private, honest and, I hope, inspiring diary I am sharing with the world.

Why do I write what I do?  
I enjoy reading about the lifestyle we, Princess and me, share. It helps me grow, helps me better understand the underlying dynamics and how they work together. Writing about the lifestyle forces me to think even deeper over what we do, how we experience and live it. It helps me grow even more as a partner and a Dominant. I also like to ventilate how beneficial this BDSM relationship is for Princess and me. Writing also helps me canalize my thoughts.

How does my writing process work?  
I spend about 2 hours a day driving to and from work. Most of my ideas are born during these moments of relative solitude. For some reason there are ideas that rapidly become more viable than others. Then I start processing this newborn, narrating it in my head, molding it until it is a story or a post. I cross-out, reshape and modify my text in my mind. This part can take an hour or a few days.  
When I finally write it down my text is almost in its definitive shape.  
Sitting in front of my computer with an empty document to start with does not work for me. I find it, for example, very difficult writing a reply to a post on the fly.

### Snapshot: Ready to kiss – May 22, 2014

#### _Family photos depict smiling faces._  
 _Births, weddings, holidays..._  
 _... children's birthday parties._  
 _People take pictures of the happy moments in their lives._  
 _Someone looking through our photo album would conclude that we led a joyous, leisurely existence free of tragedy._  
 _No one ever takes a photograph of something they want to forget._

####  Seymour Parrish

These words are taken from the opening scene of "One Hour Photo", a film by Mark Romanek with an excellent Robin Williams as Seymour Parrish.  
He is an employee of a one-hour photo lab and becomes obsessed with a young suburban family.

On the second day of our weekend at the Opal Coast the battery of my Olympus E-PM1, after a meager 100 shots, was drained. On one battery charge one should be able to shoot at least 250 to 300 images. My experience is that the VF-2 electronic viewfinder is a real glutton. Guess I should get an extra battery or two.

So it was back to basics or, in other words, my iPhone 4s. One can get some decent shots out of this smart phone if used in bright light.

I did not use the standard camera App but opted for the Hipstamatic App. Lordy, I love this app and have every pack available making it, at the end, impossible to use. There are so many combinations possible you finally set a few favorites and that is it.

It would be great if Hipstamatic offered the possibility to save the original photo too. Now you are limited to the settings you have made. Yes, there is the option to shake your iPhone in order to get another combination of "film" and "lens" but I do not like this. I prefer having total control.

I shot this sort of selfie on the beach at Cap Blanc Nez.  
We, Princess and I, are engaged in a kiss.  
I want the world to know how intense and beautiful our love is.

Princess and I engaging in a kiss.

And then there were only 3 – May 23, 2014

Tomorrow, Saturday, is a big day as it brings another first. Princess and I will be playing in The Cafe in a private setting with a few other couples. The Cafe's Dungeon is at our disposal during 4 hours. Afterwards we will have dinner at a different location.

More than 6 months ago we met K&J at the Cafe and we stayed in touch. We saw each other a few times in the Café just for talks.  
Then they asked us if we would be interested in renting the place with a few other couples for a more private play.  
We shared the same ideas about what BDSM means to us so we said yes.  
On Friday, March 14th we met with K&J and they introduced us to Couple 1 and Couple 2 and I wrote about this meeting under the title The Date – Preliminaries.

Couple 1 has 25+ years of experience in the lifestyle and Couple 2 some 20 years.

Yesterday Princess and I received two emails.  
The first came from Couple 2 cancelling the date for personal reasons.

The mail we received from K&J was about the changed dynamics between them and Couple 1. During a previous play an erotic sparkle had sprung between the two women leading to a common and more intimate play between the two couples. Spanking, whipping, bondage, wax play and some other interactions shared except sexual actions.  
This changed dramatically what had been agreed upon. Princess and I have no intentions to share ourselves in any way imaginable.

Although K&J were sure we would not feel uncomfortable with this change, nor object to the different actions this would generate, they wanted to know I we would be okay with it. K&J also stressed they did not expect us to participate in their mutual play but we were welcome if we wanted to.

Princess and I decided to go and I wrote K&J an email explaining we did not object to any of their actions between themselves as long as we did not have to participate. We also counted on their respect towards our decision.

We will be spending our time with photography, rope play and enjoying all the equipment the Cafe has to offer.  
If I'm being honest I must admit this last-minute change leaves a bitter taste.

I am sure Princess and I will enjoy ourselves though.  
And we can always leave if we so desire.

The Play Date - Packing – May 24, 2014

In a few hours we will walk down the stairs of the Antwerp Fetish Cafe and enter the Dungeon we have hired with 2 other couples.

Yesterday evening late K&J, the couple who had invited us, and I, spoke for a long time on the phone. They had sensed some hesitance in my post "And then there were only 3" and wanted to clear the air. Although it was not necessary I appreciated the gesture. They care and find it very important we feel safe and respected. And I got a few answers on stuff that had been bugging me for a few days.

Early this morning I watched a few tutorials on Esinem's excellent Japanese Bondage - Tying People Not Parcels DVD for extra inspiration. I am planning some floor suspension.

Then I started packing. A few beach towels, a riding crop, whips and floggers, blindfold, vibrators, dildo's, clover clamps, clothespins, Princess' silk kimono and lots of rope of course. In a separate bag my Nikon, a few lenses and the Oly as backup, flashes and a reflector.  
Just added a few candles and matches too.

I am sure we are going to have a wonderful and very intense time. Dinner afterwards will be great too.

It is still a few days away but I consider this afternoon as one heck of a birthday party and probably the best I've ever had.

Thank you K&J for inviting us and trusting us.

Most of all I wish to thank you, Princess, my Love, for walking with me through life and sharing this incredible lifestyle with me.  
We have grown so close and our love unconditional and fathomless.

### The Play Date - The Day After – May 25, 2014

Princess and I had a great time in the Dungeon and before we knew it our time was up.  
It was fun sharing this experience though. The visual stimuli added arousal and excitement to our personal play. We felt at ease and relaxed, enjoying at its fullest this special moment.

I held back though, as I have been doing the last couple of times when we played. It is about leaving marks on Princess' body. Bruises on her arms and shoulders, whipping marks on her behind are way too visible. It is summer and shorts and sleeveless dresses obviously do not conceal enough.  
Princess kids' already made some remarks and I would hate it if they would think I'm abusing their mother.

In this respect the rubber whip is ideal. It leaves no traces nor does my hand or the wooden pizza spatula

I spanked Princess while she was bound to a wooden cross but I used most of my time practicing rope bondage. Princess was astonished and pleased with the progress I had made. She loves the sensation of rope on her skin and being restricted in her movements.

Princess and I shared another first one, albeit unintentionally.  
After finishing a reverse box-tie I added a safety cord leading to a heavy-duty carabineer hook I had attached to the winch. I added a single column tie around her ankle and lead that cord up too.  
I was very cautious when I craned Princess in order to finish a floor-based suspension.

"Wow", she suddenly whispered.  
Princess was hanging about an inch and a half above the floor. Her robe hanging down and the dim light in the Dungeon had masked it.

Yeah, I know, not that spectacular of course.

But it was by all means my very first suspension and one has to start somewhere grabbed the ropes and cradled her gently at the same time turning them 360°.

Later that evening Princess told me the suspension had been a great experience and she had felt very comfy and safe hanging there.  
Princess knows she is not allowed to use her safe word when we do bondage. When your leg starts to feel numb the word RED is useless. I insist she tells me exactly what is going on and I have always a pair of bandage scissors within reach.

Doing real suspension is not my goal. It is fun to do but very impractical if one wishes to use bondage for playing. Floor suspension on the other hand can be very sensual. The restriction and position of limbs and/or body for erotic access is an arousing stimulus for both.

Floor suspension is something we cannot practice at my place.  
We could at Princess' home, her bedroom being under the roof supported by strong beams.  
Alas Princess' room, and house, is still a no go area.

I did not make photos either. It would have been disturbing for our play partners.  
Besides, making real BDSM photos cannot be done while playing. The mindset one needs to be in is quite different.

Later on that evening we all enjoyed dinner and the mood was open, warm and trustful. We talked about a zillion things but mostly about the lifestyle.

Much too soon this wonderful, warm, magical and intense evening came to its end and it was time to say goodbye.  
It ended with shutting car doors, engines starting, rupturing the intense silence and headlights exorcising the darkness.

Later on, was it still night or a new day, although still fetal, I held Princess in my arms. We kissed and smiled.  
I turned out the light so the darkness could finally cover us.

Us, Princess and I, still enjoying this incredible and enriching experience.

I fucked her.  
Hard.  
Relentless.

Somewhere in the beginning of the action I pushed Princess away, got out of bed and grabbed a towel and spread it on the bed.  
Got back in bed.  
"Come on girl", I grunted, "give it to me."

Princess mounted me.  
We fucked as if our lives depended on it.  
Princess came.  
And came.  
And a third time, hell, she is insatiable.

The towel turned out to be a good idea. Princess can be very wet and occasionally squirts.

Seconds before we fell asleep Princess asked me if I thought they would invite us again.  
I told her I could only hope they would.  
Yeah, me too she mumbled.

We slept well and deep, Princess and I.

Real life woke us at 08:05 Sunday morning.  
Princess' smartphone buzzing.  
Stella.

### About rituals – May 27, 2014

During our play date past Saturday we kept our eyes open, albeit in a discrete way. Princess and I like to watch and being watched.

Just before they started playing one of the couples did something that caught my eye. Later that evening, on our way home, I discussed my observations with Princess. It made me happy me finding out Princess had noticed it too.

Yesterday evening, over the phone, Princess and I talked about it again and I'm sure it will remain a topic for a while.

Princess loves wearing her collar when we play. It helps her change her mindset.

Sometimes I forget to put it on though. On other occasions Princess likes to wear her collar when we go to bed for a good night of sleep. We do not have a protocol for the use of her collar.

But far more important is the absence of rituals in our D/s relationship.

I think I should give some rituals so Princess gets even deeper in her mindset. It certainly will help her transition from a busy day into her role as a submissive. Also I believe rituals can strengthen our D/s dynamics even further.

Rituals and protocols will add extra fun, richness and structure to our D/s play.

It touched us when we noticed how one of the submissive's respectfully bowed for her Sir while he put on her collar. They also have a kind off sign-off ritual.

Princess agrees with me.  
We definitively need a few rituals.

### Poppy Seed Buds – May 29, 2014

I've had them lying around since past autumn, these poppy seed buds. They are a part of my collection. I like to gather dried stuff for photography purposes.

An idea had emerged on how to use these stems. Unfortunately the few poppies growing near my apartment vanished. These past few days have been rainy and very windy.

 _I remember walking with my mom and grandmother across the fields. It was early summer and I must have been six or seven. Nature's colors were astonishing. Lots of green with red, blue, yellow and white speckles everywhere. The world surrounding me, still and warm, domed with deep blue._  
 _Drawn to the red of the poppies I handpicked a few._  
 _My mom and grandmother at some distance now, walking and talking leisurely._  
 _I ran towards them with two or three poppies in my hand._  
 _"Mom, mom, look', I shouted, happy I could give her these beautiful flowers._  
 _She turned towards me and I, breathless, offered her the poppies._  
 _It was then when I noticed I had only a few stems in my hand. Running had torn the fragile petals away._  
 _I will never forget the gentle and comforting smile on my mother's face while the first tears of disappointment appeared in my eyes._

I needed a bright red one to add to the composition. It is not going to happen today so instead I created another image with the seed buds. I hope I'll be able to make the photograph I have pictured in my head in the next few days.  
That one is intended as a gift for Princess.

### Coloring Rope – June 2, 2014

###

I use 6mm jute rope for my bondage. Princess likes its rough touch on her skin and we both enjoy the organic scent of the jute.  
A few months ago, while shopping with Stella, Princesses daughter, I came across a shop counter displaying textile dyes.

Princess simply loves red so I took a closer look, finally buying a Deylon sample satchel n° 44, Cerise.

It remained unopened on my desk though. I'm a purist and I kind of like the light ochre color of my rope.

I have several 8 meter bundles and 4 bundles of 2 meters. The latter I use for tying limbs or some quick tying.

Finally I decided to dye these shorter pieces of rope just for the heck of it.

I dissolved the contents of the satchel in tepid water and tested the result with a piece of old rope.

Then I colored the 4 bundles by immersing each bundle for 15' in the deep red liquid. Be careful not to get stains on your clothes, floor or table as they are hard to remove. After drying the rope outside it now has a beautiful deep red color but obviously it lost its original odor.

Yesterday evening I finalized the coloring process by immersing the rope in a bucket of water and added a tinge of vinegar.

This morning, before leaving for work I hung the rope to dry. I am very happy with the result, the color is simply beautiful.  
I am not going to color the longer bundles though as I prefer the natural look, feel and scent.

### Footwear – June 5, 2014

The other day Princess and I took a walk to our local shopping street. We were looking for nothing in particular when we stopped at one of the shop windows.

Princess saw them before I noticed them.  
"Those look just great", she said. I stared in the direction she was pointing in.  
Then I saw them too.  
Indeed, Princess has a very good taste.  
In fact I badly needed new ones.

I found the dark brown with the matching bits of blue a great combination.  
They looked both elegant and tough. And quite expensive too so I bet the will last forever.

"They will look great with your black jeans too", Princess said, "and you can wear them when we go to The Dungeon".  
Yeah I thought, that sounds great.  
That was then and this is now.

After a quick visit to my hairdresser this morning I walked to that store. Being the only customer the sales girl gave me all her attention.  
"No", she said, "I don't have your size but try one bigger."  
I did.  
Fuck it, they look great and they feel all right.

I took a photo and told her it was for my blog.  
"Where can I find your blog?" the chick asked.  
"Sorry baby, no can do. Invitation only."

She smiled, eagerly waiting for that invitation. I could feel it and read it in her eyes.

"You accept VISA?" I asked instead.  
"Err... no", she stuttered as if she had just snapped out of a dream.  
"Okay baby, then I'll pay cash. Alrighty?"  
"Off course", she replied.

So I gave her the money and left the store with a pair of awesome and slick-looking Bullboxer shoes. Clean haircut and new shoes... wow.

### Hair – June 6, 2014

###

Yesterday evening, as on all Thursdays, Princess arrived at my/our place around 22:00 to spend the night with me.

We like to talk for a while before going to bed and more often than not we make love before falling asleep in each other's arms.

Princess and I sat on the couch and at some point she asked me for a kiss.  
"Sure", I told her, grabbing Princess by her hair and pulling her face close to mine.  
I am still astonished with Princesses reaction when I do this. Princess is almost instantly in total submission mode.  
It is delicious kissing my love like that, holding her head by the hair. I can tell she is already on her way, preparing herself to climb the high cliffs of intense gratification.

When we make love, Princess and I are two entangled bodies, lying on our sides facing each other. My hand buried in her hair. Pushing Princess away or pulling her close against me while I relentlessly pound her wet core.

Maybe just holding her face a few inches from mine so I can watch the gaze in her beautiful eyes change when I fuck her to a climax.  
"Don't", I hiss, feeling how her womanhood clamps around my dick. She is so close to orgasming.

I stop for a moment and start again, driving myself in and out of what is mine.  
Her juices now running abundantly over my thighs are soaking the sheets.

I have found something new and it drives Princess crazy. It almost immediately sky-rockets her into the oblivion of an extremely intense orgasm. Her convulsions surge around my cock.  
Yes, Princess loses it when I push a finger or even two in her mouth.  
"Suck", I order her, my voice low and deep.  
"Make me proud girl and suck!"  
While I move them slowly in and out her tongue flicks around my fingertips.  
"SUCK!"

Like a hot fist her core closes firmly around my cock.  
Princess trembles, shakes and whines as her sweet juices splash against my belly and thighs.  
Her body relaxes while she emits long groans, her mouth searching mine.  
"Thank you Milord" she sighs.  
We kiss.  
We hold each other close.  
We become one.  
We are one, Princess and I.

Demons – June 7, 2014

We all have our demons.  
Back in the old days I lodged a few myself. Today I can safely say I've evicted most of them, if not all. I have finally found my safe haven. It is called Princess.

Now that we are at it let me give a few examples. I agree they may sound trivial and they probably are but hey, that's why they are called demons.  
And my demons are not your demons.  
Nah!

I do not have a best friend. Well, except Princess of course. When I come to think of it, I don't have what most people would call friends either.

Some of my colleagues are a substitute though and conveniently they are only available during working hours. I share a specific part of myself with each of them so none of them gets the whole picture.  
One of them, Boris, is an exception though. I think he comes the closest to what I would consider a good friend.  
Needless to say I share everything with Princess and I have no secrets whatsoever for her.

In my early twenties I lived together with The Architect. It was my first serious relationship. It lasted for almost 4 years and we had a bunch of friends and I had a couple of very good friends.  
At a certain point during that period I spend a few days in Paris for work. Every evening I phoned The Architect but she never answered my calls. I did not think much about it though.

Many years later, The Architect a fading memory at that time, I had a few drinks with what I had always thought of as a good friend.  
Drunk he confessed to me The Architect had dropped by when I was in France to help him redecorate.  
She had spent every evening and night with him.  
Okay.

It didn't hurt me anymore. Let bygones be bygones.

After all I had left The Architect after finding out she had fucked a mutual friend for weeks and to top it off had a thing going on with her hairdresser.

What I remember most of that epoch was the agonizing pain when my trust was destroyed and the disbelief and despair that went with it.

Just to set things straight I have never breached one of my partners trust by fucking around. I am not a lowlife and I cherish my self-respect. You simply don' bang anyone else while in a relation.

It took some time before I was able to trust a chick again. When I did I got fucked over once again.  
Well, in fact she apparently got an extra fuck and it was not by me.  
I noticed it and smelled it when I went down on her one evening after she dropped by at my place hours later than promised.

After that it took much longer before I could open up and sure enough, never two without three.  
Apparently shit does happen.

Although my Ex-wife did not screw around but I still suffered from a trust issue.

My father died when I was 13 and left me with a separation anxiety that increased when a few years later my grandparents left and moved on to The Upstairs.

Like I said, Princess is my safe haven and she has helped me say goodbye to my demons. Now and then they surface again though, I can't help it, I am a product of my past.  
Then again I have Princess to hold me and chase these demons away and she does a wonderful job doing so.

A few hours ago I missed a telephone call.  
Stella had tried to reach me.  
Of course I phoned her back.  
Only a few words were enough to know Stella was not well.  
She had in vain tried to reach her mom and I was her plan B.

I listened to Stella who clearly was in overdrive. I listened with the patience I know she needs.

Sorrow overwhelmed me when I tried to imagine the impact of the demon that was mind fucking her this time.  
Unfortunately Stella has so many demons.

This particular demon had the face of the man she helped convict a decade ago. He did time and I don't think he enjoyed it very much as his type of crime is not really appreciated by other inmates.

This afternoon Stella had seen this "The Ex-Convict" in her street and he had smiled at her with that devious grin she knew all to well. She had seen him before but each time she had to admit it was a freaky lookalike.  
She tried to persuade me this time it was real.

I listened and talked and reasoned and finally I was able to convince Stella to talk to her mother before running to the cops without zilch.

Hell, was I happy Princess had told me just yesterday evening Stella had changed the dosage of her medication.

Later on Princess phoned me and I told her about my conversation with Stella. Princess had received a few text messages from her firstborn but was unaware Stella was going berserk.  
We both drove to Stella and we talked with her and it soon became clear chances were it was an almost 100 certainty it only happened in her mind. We were not able to convince her though.

Stella's mind goes on and on trying to prove for it and to us everything really happened the way she imagined it did.

Gradually her fears and imagination engage in a maddening tango.  
For Princess and I this is a soothing moment as her proof and explanations and self-convincing become so surrealistic we know it is her mental state showing its ugly face.

"I'm tired", Stella said. She had taken a sleeping pill.  
"Do you want us to stay for an extra half hour while you try to fall asleep?" Princess asked her eldest daughter.  
For a moment I saw hesitation in Stella's eyes and I am sure she did not want to hurt my feelings.  
"You know what", I said, "I'll leave you both with it so you can spent some private time together."  
I said goodbye to both Princess and Stella and drove back home.

I have a couple of beers with name written on them waiting in my fridge

I can only pray and hope Stella feels better when she wakes up.

Yeah, we all have our demons.

For some of us they are more real than for other people.  
Stella is one of these them.  
Her demons are so very tangible.

I care for Stella very much.  
After all she not only is Princess' daughter but she is the only one who opened her heart for me. Stella's brother and sisters, after almost 3 years, still dislike me big time.  
Yet they don't know me.  
Go and figure.

Let me write a few forbidden words.  
I consider Stella almost as daughter 3 and I am willing to take responsibility and care for her.  
My feelings for Stella's daughter Star are those of a grandpa.  
Hush now... it are indeed forbidden words.  
Let's erase this last paragraph

When Bruises Meet Demons – June 9, 2014

###

Not even a month ago I wrote an article about marks and bruises. They are witnesses of our intense lovemaking and playing. Some of them are difficult to conceal when wearing short and sleeveless dresses, tank tops and so on.  
After all it is summer.

I managed to stay away from those parts Princess cannot cover with summer clothing. Accidents do happen though and less than a week ago, during very hot and intense playing I bit Princess's shoulder and thigh. The two bruises are now receding but obviously still visible.

What I had feared for some time finally happened when Princess walked through my door yesterday evening.

"I don't know how to tell you this", she said with sadness in her voice.

Let's go back in time.  
Past Friday evening Stella phoned me because she could not reach her mother. She was in panic because she had seen The Ex-Convict drive by her house. Later that evening Princess and I visited Stella and tried to soothe her. It is all in Stella's head and so difficult to expel. I wrote about this in "Demons".

The next evening I picked up Princess at Stella's. I played with Star and talked with Stella. Princess and I stayed for over an hour and when we left we asked if she cared to join us for a short walk.  
Stella wasn't feeling well and did not know what to do and I noticed how her indecision on the matter was quickly becoming a monster.  
"Put on your shoes and let's go. It will do you good", I said with a tone leaving little to no room for debate.  
"Okay", Stella replied.

I took them to a pub near a river and surrounded by green. We found an empty table in the garden. It was still hot and we enjoyed a few drinks. Stella had a great time and after a short time she walked with Star to the small playground. Her irrational fears about The Ex-Convict were clearly forgotten.

Princess and I talked about the GPS she had bought that morning. I was a little upset hearing she had done this with The Boy while a few days before I had offered buying the unit together, dividing the cost in two.

Suddenly dark clouds came rolling in. Wind got stronger and people started to leave as it became increasingly darker.  
"We'd better go, ladies", I said raising a hand to summon a waiter.

On the way home Princess and I talked some more about the GPS and at one moment I raised my voice a little. Talking about Princess' kids has this effect on me. It is a mix is anger and frustration.  
I dropped Stella off at her place.  
While I got Star's buggy out of the car I noticed how Stella was talking to her mother in an agitated way.

I did not make much out of it and we drove to our place.

While driving under some trees the roof of my car was hit by something hard.  
"Wow", Princess said, "must be an acorn or so."  
I nodded and then the car was struck again with a hard and disrupting knock.  
Seconds later a hailstorm throbbed the car and the sound it generated was very spooky. Some hailstones were as big as small marbles. I found shelter at a gas station. We waited in the car for almost 15' while big hailstones beat the car relentlessly. Visibility was nonexistent and strong, howling winds pulled and pushed the car.

The hailstorm stopped abruptly and the late evening sun reappeared. I started the engine, happy the windscreen had survived, and continued our way home.  
The road was covered with torn off leaves and branches, some parts even flooded. Over the fields low fog appeared and the surroundings had something post-apocalyptic. Later we would learn we had escaped worse. A super cell had hit a village near the coast with hailstones as big as golf balls. Thousands of square meters greenery glass broken, crops destroyed and hundreds of cars severely damaged.

At home we enjoyed a glass of wine. Stella texted her mother and Princess spend half an hour talking to her daughter who was crying and feeling sad and alone.

Princess and I finally went to bed. We made love, slept well and made love again the next morning.  
Princess stayed till noon and promised to come back in the evening.

Princess walked through my door little past 10 in the evening.  
"I don't know how to tell you this", she said.  
"Yes you do", I replied, taking her hand and leading her to the couch.  
Princess hesitated.  
"Just tell me", I encouraged her.

This was what had happened...

At noon Princess and her kids were ready for brunch when Stella and Star arrived.  
Stella could not wait to tell her brother and sisters she is persuaded that I am an abuser. That I not only hit their mother but aggress her verbally as well.  
Princess' firstborn has an issue with men and trust and let us not forget her partner abused her.

The kids know how Stella can be, how she can get carried away so they did not believe her.  
That is the good part.

What made Princess so sad the whole afternoon is the fact Stella told her mom she does not want to see me again.  
It is of course a temporary thing but it hurts.

I managed to soothe Princess and told her all is okay and everything will turn out for the best.

We finished "37°2 Le Matin", also known as "Betty Blue", a 1986 French movie about an intense love affair. Zorg, a handyman, meets young, beautiful and wild Betty. Soon her wild manners start to get out of control. He sees the woman he loves slowly go insane.

Princess loved the movie although it made her emotional because of Stella's mental illness and Ar who suffers from bipolar disorder.

Later on we went to bed. Before falling asleep we made love and it was once again a maddening experience.

This morning we woke up, happy being together.  
We made love and it was awesome like it always is.  
Then Princess had to leave.

### Public Transport – June 12, 2014

I rarely use public transportation. In most cases driving is a much better option.

Two trains and one bus will take me to my work. This means at least a 90' trip without taking in account the risk of missed connections, severe delays caused by an accident of a suicide (sadly this happens way to much) or being held hostage by a sudden strike.  
By car it is an average 45' drive and I am alone during the trip. Alone with my thoughts, the music I want to hear. I don't have to share a bench with some moron falling asleep with his head on my shoulder or an idiot desperately looking for a meaningless conversation when all I want to do is read.

The monthly Fetish Lounge Club in The Dungeon in Antwerp starts at 9 in the evening but the fun and the buzzing starts well over 10.  
Our evening would be a very short one. The last train back home would be at 22:59 and the walk from The Dungeon to the station 20' at least.  
The next train after that? 06:33 Sunday morning.

Thus the 10$ parking fee (for about 4 hours parking pleasure) is the least of my problems. It is within walking distance from the club.

In September last year Princess and I visited a small part of Germany and we obviously went by car.  
We took a train from Bonn to Köln for practical reasons like parking fees and traffic jams. It was an adventure in its own right.

We strolled from our hotel to Bonn Bahnhof as Princess wanted to see and discover everything. I didn't dare to say my lower back pain was killing me. Walking leisurely often does that to me.  
Princess and I got on the right train and arrived at the right place, Cologne Center, although my German is limited to "you Nazi swine" "I want a beer" and "I want to fuck you".  
Princess is able to reply with a craving "Jawohl Milord" on the latter.

Past two Tuesdays and the next one I am following a training in Antwerp.  
It is a very interesting course covering the role of a Confidant and is offered by and paid for by my employer.

At work I am a trained First Aid volunteer and one of the 3 Confidants. All is next to my regular duties. A Confident is contacted for psychosocial problems like (sexual) harassment, stress, conflict situations and so on.  
I have a great job and good and fine colleagues and for what I do I am paid very well.  
Doing something back by volunteering seems a logical thing to do.

### Primal desires – June 13, 2014

Yesterday evening I discovered something new about myself. It came so very natural, as water from a new source emerging from a rocky underground.

The discovery of Sexual Sadomasochism is an adventure we, Princess and I, sadly need to postpone. Winter seems to be a good time to continue our voyage. Long sleeves and pullovers and trousers hide the immense pleasure of intense lovemaking and pain for a less understanding world. Under the summer sunlight every bruise on Princess seems to instigate an inquiry.

It came quite naturally, yesterday, when we made love, Princess and me. I pushed my nose in her hair and armpits, sniffing and licking. I went down, travelling over her breasts and belly, ending my voyage between her legs. Pushing my nose against her hot skin. Princess' scent arousing me big time and knowing it turned her on made me even wilder.

When I finally mounted her, pushing my cock deep in her wet core, I growled. During our intense lovemaking I snarled, my mouth close to her ear.  
Once again it was a maddening experience for my love. Her pussy rhythmically squeezed my cock. It was like a firm fist milking a cow's udder.

I could not help myself but I growled even harder. Biting her earlobe and licking her shoulders, pushing limits.

For one magical moment I lost myself.  
I could almost feel fur on my body.  
It lasted for a mere millisecond but it could have been a lifetime.  
For that millisecond, and no more, I felt as if I was a male alpha wolf.  
Me, a cat loving person was nothing more than a canid.

I could have howled to the moon when I came but I did not.  
Maybe next time I will.

### About Stella - June 18, 2014

Past Saturday Princess and I went for a walk.

We walked over a small path next to a river.  
On the left-hand bank a big well-kept garden and a 14-century castle and on our walking side grass and woodland.

We passed a huge rectangular pond, obviously manmade. It was still hot and mosquitos were having their way with us. We walked, close to one another.  
Nothing else mattered nor was anything more important but us.

Under an old tree we stood still for a while. Stella had called her mother in distress and it was hard for Princess to soothe her firstborn.

You see, Stella is dating.  
In a way that is great news. Stella has come from far and she is craving for love and attention. It means she has built up enough self-confidence to start dating.  
Sadly there is one little detail that makes it even harder for her. Her new psychiatrist has lowered Stella's medication so she can get to Stella's bare emotions more easily in order to discuss and treat them.

As a result Stella hasn't been very well lately. Fear attacks happen more frequently than before and psychosis is one again a lurking monster panting in Stella's neck. She has trust issues towards men too and my role thus becomes an ambiguous one. Stella like me and accepts me as her mother's partner. Yet when she feels she has let me come to close I am pushed away.

Therefore Princess and I were flabbergasted when we learned Stella had invited someone at her place after nothing more than a phone call.  
Nothing happened but afterwards we told Stella she was playing a very dangerous game. It struck a chord and that is a good thing.

When Princess told me her daughter was dating I was happy but I told my love it would mean for us doing a lot of damage control.

So Stella meets B. and at first he is nice and cool. Then Stella gets the impression there is something rotten in the state of Denmark. She asks her mother to help her get B. in psychiatric confinement. In Stella's opinion this will be very beneficial for him.

Let us not forget the sad truth here. With some exaggeration I could say Stella feels quite comfy being in a psychiatric facility like "4".  
After all it is a safe world that takes away her demons and understands her and accepts Stella how she is.

Then something goes wrong and for an untrained eye it could be nothing more than a tiptoeing amoeba.  
B. becomes persona non grata, a child abuser, a raving maniac, a loony or a drug abuser. The poor guy gets not so friendly text messages, insulting him, accusing him of unspeakable things.

In between Stella calls her mom a zillion times for comfort, advice or simply to talk. Stella has no notion of time and sometimes Princess' iPhone rings at 1 or 2 or even 4 in the morning.

When reason takes over once again Stella tries to kiss and make up with B.  
This will be in vain of course.

Nobody in his right mind should or would ever accept this kind of treatment.  
Well, I guess if someone does he must truly be the One for Stella.

I can only hope Stella will find a loving and caring man who will accept little Star as his own.  
Stella really is a very good, caring and kind person.  
I sincerely wish Stella and Star to be as happy as her mother and I are.

### A walk – June 19, 2014

###

Past Saturday I took Princess for a walk.

We walked over a small path next to a river.  
On the left-hand bank a big well-kept garden and a 14-century castle and on our walking side grass and woodland.  
We passed a huge rectangular pond, obviously manmade. It was still hot and mosquitos were having their way with us.

We walked, close to one another.  
Nothing else mattered nor was anything more important but us.

Under an old tree we stood still for a while. Stella had called her mother in distress and it was hard for Princess to soothe her firstborn.

We continued our walk and for the next 10 minutes or so Stella was the subject of our discussions.

Later on we enjoyed a beer and then we drove home.  
"A movie?" I asked.  
"Yes, sure," Princess replied with a smile.

We watched "The Grand Hotel Budapest".  
Wow.

After that we went to bed, Princess and I.

The kinky fucking was intense and passionate, as always.  
The night to short and waking up in each other's arm an unforgettable moment.

### A new camera – June 20, 2014

###

I've always been a Nikon user. Well, almost that is.  
I started with the legendary Nikkormat when I started photography art-school in 1974 and graduated 3 years later with motor-driven Nikon F2.

I bought my first digital camera in 2000, a 2 MP Camedia C-21 and it cost almost 1000 Eur. Shortly after I had an Olympus E-10 before moving to Nikon with its long-awaited D100.

A few years ago I briefly owned a Canon G-10 as a small and easy to use backup-camera. It died on me two years ago and after checking out the market for a small and cheap camera with at least manual functions and good, RAW picture quality I went for the Olympus E-PM1.

Even with its kit-lens the image quality blew me of my shoes. It produces detailed and sharp images. The anti-alias filter is very weak and single pixel detail is excellent especially when paired with the right lenses.  
A few months later I bought a second-hand Olympus 45mm f1.8 and even wide open this lens gave very sharp images. Over time I was able to acquire other prime lenses, some of them Panasonic as they are compatible with Olympus' Micro Four Thirds system and vice-versa.

I don't use my Nikon D300 much anymore. Yes, I could opt for a full-frame Nikon D600 but then your problems really starts because this type of camera needs high-grade glass.  
I am talking about really expensive lenses here.  
I simply can't afford to spend 2000+ EUR on a Nikon lens.

So I am sticking with Olympus with its high quality lenses going for a fraction of the cost of Nikon or Canon glass.

I offered myself a black Olympus OM-D M10.  
This camera is very small and nobody will suspect it is capable of delivering incredible shots. Using a special converter I can use all my Nikon glass and macro bellows and the Oly's build in flash triggers my studio flash system.

The OM-D M10 has built-in Wi-Fi so I can use my iPad or iPhone to remotely control it. The electronic viewfinder is very good although one can find better. Most of all it is a responsive little thing and delivers extremely sharp images. I think that is what really counts.

Little A. is happy as a clam too. She is now the proud owner of her father's E-PM1.

Copyright http://www.olympus-europa.com/site/en/c/cameras/om_d_system_cameras/om_d/e_m10/

### Thoughts - June 22th, 2014

Sunday, 19:00.  
I went for a walk and in the night shop I got a couple of beers.

It is hot outside and even hotter in my apartment.  
The windows are open and outside sounds vaguely penetrate into my sanctum.

The streets are deserted.  
Okay, I'll admit, it is after all Sunday evening but not even a couple in sight or a car driving by.  
Walking these empty streets makes me feel as if I am the last man on earth.  
Today these streets are even emptier.

Since 18:00 life stopped and every living soul in my neighborhood, in Belgium come to think of it, is sitting in front of a television screen.  
Not me though. In fact I don't give a fuck.

Yet I'm all ears.  
Enjoying a good book on my terrace, The Martian by Andy Weir), I am surrounded by absolute silence.  
It is eerie. Even the birds have stopped singing.

No cheers, no increasing "yeah yeah yeah" and ending by a disappointing "ooooh".  
Zilch.  
Silentium triplex.

I crack open my can of cheap beer, the stuff a homeless motherfucker drinks.  
What doesn't kill him won't kill me.

88 minutes after 18:00 I hear far away screaming, yelling and cheers and moments later the occasionally passing car honk.  
The absolute silence that reigned since 18:00 is breached by sounds of pleasure.  
I smile and take a hit.  
The beer tastes awful. It is cheap shit after all.

No sounds for the next 2 minutes.  
Then an avalanche of cheers and yelling and more honking.  
Once again I smile, squeezing my eyes again the harsh late evening sunlight.

Yeah, I don't give a damn but I am proud though.  
Belgium-Russia 1-0.  
Way to go Belgium.

To be on the safe side I promised Little A. I would hang the national flag the moment we would play quarterfinals.  
I think I am on the safe side.  
Otherwise I'll have to get that damned flag. It would be fun to do so.

The Project – June 24, 2014

There is no cry of pain without an echo of joy at its end.  
Ramón de Campoamor

It is one of my favorite quotes because of its universality. If I would consider another tattoo this line would be a strong contender.

A good spanking makes Princess whimper but at the end she often enjoys an intense climax.

Let's think out of the box for a moment.  
I experienced joy when the large prints of my landscape photographs came out my printer. It was the sum of enjoying the solitude on the beaches of the Opal Coast, creativity and lots of work in my digital darkroom.  
All of this culminated into the immense pleasure of having several solo art exhibitions, being interviewed and what not.

But where was the pain?

It was in the loneliness, the longing for someone special that made me cry, gave me pain yet fueled my creativity.  
Countless were the moments during my visits at the Opal Coast when I felt so sad, so lonely.  
Countless were the evenings when those beautiful sunsets were blurred by tears.  
My tears.

I wanted to share my emotions with that special person whom I doubted existed but in my dreams and fantasies. Finally I found her, that special one, my Grail, and she stood at my side during my very last exhibition.  
My pain was loneliness and solitude.  
Princess took it away and replaced it with another one... the pleasurable pain of intense, true and deep love.

This Saturday Princess will be gone for a whole week. She will be driving to the South of France with her kids except for Stella and baby Star. It is their first holiday together in ages and I am very happy for Princess that she is able to do this.  
It will do them good. They need the reassurance that their small family is still safe.

I know I am going to miss my dear Princess big time. We've already set up our tablets so we can Skype but even then it won't be the same.

So there you have it, once again a cry of pain and the joy, at its end, The Project.

I started thinking about the concept of The Project about two months ago. Material was gathered or bought and slowly The Project took form.  
One question remained though. Should The Project be experienced randomly or in a predefined form?  
This weekend I started assembling everything and yesterday a naughty idea popped up in my head making The Project definitively a random experience.  
I worked on it way past midnight and I am sure Princess will enjoy The Project very much.

What is it about, this The Project thing?

Let me put it this way.  
If I tell you, dear Reader, Princess will know too.  
But let me lift a very small part of the veil.  
The Project is a surprise for Princess.

More on The Project next week.

The Project - Completion – June 26, 2014

This Saturday, somewhere in the afternoon, Princess and her kids except for her eldest one, leave on holiday. Princess will be driving to the South of France for what is their first family holiday in years. I can only hope she'll have a blast and a wonderful time with The Boy, Kay, Ar and Bo.

I'll be missing Princess very much.

Since almost two months I've been working on a secret project that, over time, I've christened 'The Project'.

It has come to its completion except for it being handed over to Princess. I will do so this evening and after a good night's sleep she'll be gone for, sigh, almost 10 days.

At this moment I cannot tell you, Readers, much more about The Project. It is on a need-to-know basis.*  
Princess follows my blog too you see.

I've used my Thursday's Photograph post just for tickling Princess' curiosity.

The Project is gift wrapped and I topped it off with rope I colored myself, finishing it off with a single column tie.

Gift wrapped - The Project

The Project Revealed – June 27, 2014

Yesterday, Thursday evening, I gave Princess what I've been calling "The Project". I have been teasing Princess with it for the past few days challenging her to find out what "The Project" could be.  
Wednesday evening, on the phone, while guessing she came very close but I quickly changed the subject.

Even in her wildest dreams Princess hasn't seen this kind of surprise coming.  
My love was not only flabbergasted but moved and delighted at the same time.

The Project consists of 7 sealed envelopes, one for each day she is gone, plus an additional one labelled "The Joker Envelope".

So each day Princess gets to open one at a moment of her choice. They are not numbered so she gets to pick one randomly.  
Most of them are addressed to "For my love" a few are for "Princess".

One of the few rules we have in our D/s relation states that Princess is not allowed to orgasm when I am not at her side.

That's what the Joker Envelope is for. If Princess decides to open it she can only use it once though and there is an assignment linked to its use.  
Quid pro quo.

Split over these envelopes are letters, a poem, photographs, notes and some other stuff I have put together. One of the envelopes contains a surprise too, one I'm sure she'll appreciate very much.  
I am not going into much detail for obvious reasons.

This morning I gave Princess a kiss and left our home for work. I'll see Princess briefly this evening.  
Then it will be 8 long nights without Princess.

I'll miss Princess very much but I am starting a new project to keep myself busy.  
Two years ago I wrote a short story, illustrated and printed it out and then assembled the pages into a small hard-cover book.  
Princess was delighted with "Carte Blanche" and particularly liked how the story ended.  
This new project is about translating "Carte Blanche" in English.  
Guess I'll need some help on this one in a near future though.

### Apart – June 28, 2014

In a few hours Princess will be on the road. She is driving all the way to the South of France. With The Boy, Kay, Bo and Ar for what will be their first family holiday in years.  
Princess will be gone for a full week.

I am of course very happy for Princess and I can only hope they will have a swell time and lots of fun.  
Stella and Star are staying home though. Stella has to work and Star is way to young.  
Stella's week is planned and filled full to the brim. For each day she found a willing family member to spend the afternoon and/or evening with her.  
I am scheduled on Wednesday.

Nevertheless it will be a very difficult week for me. I will be fearful while Princess is on the road and enormously relieved when she texts me she has arrived safe. After all it is a 1100 km drive.  
It will take a few days but I am sure the sadness in my heart will be chased away by joy knowing Princess has the time of her life.  
I will miss Princess beyond words and during the next 8 days I will feed myself with the memory of past night.

We made love, Princess and I, yesterday in the early evening.  
It was intense and passionate as always. We nourished our hearts and souls with the kissing, the touching, the holding and the loving.

Yet I cannot wait to hold Princess in my arms again.  
Kissing her, touching her and listening to her stories, waiting impatiently to drag her to our bed.

For 8 long days, each of them an eternity, my arms will be empty and my bed, our bed, cold. The nights lonely, dark and menacing till the first rays of a new sun will make their reappearance, seeping over the brim of next Sunday.

My heart, mind and soul will find peace again when I hold Princess in my arms.

Past Thursday I gave her The Project with the envelopes.  
I'm sure their contents will make her smile.

###

###

### Big. A. and me - June 28, 2014

When I graduated from high school, the year was 1979, I cried and for days I felt very sad.  
No, it was not because I had flunked.  
It was because of my Father.

My Father had passed away 7 years earlier and on graduation day I would have given anything for having him next to me.  
That day I missed my Father tapping my shoulder, smiling at me, shaking my hand and telling me how proud I had made him.  
It was a paralyzing experience.  
It was not only on that day I missed him deeply though but on every major milestone in my life.

I would have loved introducing Princess to him. He would have liked her big time and my Father would have tapped me on my shoulder and smiled knowing his boy was finally happy.  
As he and Mom had been extremely happy for almost 14 years. Then the big C. took him away.  
He was 64 and still went to work every day.

My Father would have been 106 in June.

It took Big A. two years to finish high school. My first-born lost a year while doctors tried to figure out what made her so ill. Not a week went past without Big A. texting me at work asking to call school and the family physician for an appointment.

I didn't get much feedback from my Ex and I remember being terribly afraid Big A. suffered from some kind of lethal disease.

Finally it turned out Big A. suffered from gluten allergy.

Then another year was lost because she was tired of going to school.  
With Princess' help I convinced Big A. to finish her education although her mom wanted her to go to work.  
She must have been kidding. Hell, without a degree?  
Not going to happen.  
Not on my watch.

Big A. counted on me for correcting her school assignments and often she asked my input to embellish her work. I was glad to be of some help.  
During her 2-week final school stage I corrected most of the assignments they gave Big A.

By the way almost all her requests came by text message of email. Simple requests for help and asking me how life was going was rare.

A few weeks ago she came to me with her final paper. It was not that good and I told her so and we worked on it to make it better and she finally got an A+ for it.

While working with Big A. on that final project she told me she did not want me to attend her graduation.  
I was flabbergasted.

It would be a non-event Big A. told me, just the teacher handing over the scholar report. I was not needed.  
But there would be a Prom of course and she needed shoes, a dress. You know, the works.

During the past weeks Big A. insisted she did not want me at her graduation, he mother would come, but it was not all that important.

Hell, Big A. is 21 so who am I to insist? It is her choice. She is legally an adult since her 18.

I did not go to my daughter's graduation. And no, it was not only a teacher handing over the report.  
There were speeches, a show and a drink and proud parents.

I was able to express how proud I was with a text message and a note on her FB page.

Big A. came by two days ago.  
I hugged her and told her how proud I was.

It turned out she didn't want me on graduation day because I never ever paid for anything.  
Big A. got so mad she said something she shouldn't have because it made me finally understand.  
Not even a few hours before I talked with her mother about child support. Big. A has finished school so legally my child support for her is ending.

"You don't want to pay for me anymore", Big A. cursed, "but then again, you have never ever done anything for me. But when it comes to Princess' children it is a whole different story. For them you do everything."

Sure I do. Princess' kids hate me and I'm so stupid I don't care and I give them iPads, iPhones and a Ferrari for each of them.

Big A. made me feel like a scumbag.  
How often hadn't I taken Big A. with me for some shopping? School supplies I had to buy when she was at my place. Hell, I never charged my Ex for that although I had every right to do so.

"I can't stay for long", Big A. told me, "I have to babysit."  
"Okay", I said.  
"You're so cheap", my firstborn added.  
I nodded.  
"Can I have my pocket-money now?"  
"Sure", I told Big A. and gave her the 40 bucks I give her each month.

"You prefer Princess' kids over me don't you? You never did anything for me."  
I closed my eyes and remembered how 5 months ago Big A. had blown a fuse. That mad she was.  
I had received an iPhone from work.  
I hadn't given it to her but had chosen to keep it. She could not stop telling me what a shithead I was. Did I not know how much she wanted an iPhone? I could have given it and asked for another one.  
She was mad at me for weeks. How could I be such an egocentric person? My Ex was in the car too and did not say a word.

I gave Big A. the 40 bucks and told her to leave otherwise she would be too late at her appointment.  
"You'll be lonely with Princess gone", Big A. said.  
I shrugged.  
"You have no friends", she continued.  
I nodded. That is true, but I have my reasons.  
"No family."  
" I haven't", I agreed.  
Over the years I killed them all, father, mother, sister, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces. Buried their bodies in places I could only find in my nightmares so nobody could track down the corpses.  
Yeah Ted Bundy or Dahmer, eat that.

And Princess," Big A. continued with disgust, "she is just using you."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah you dumbass. If she really loved you she would take you with her."  
"Sure", I smiled.

Then I simply asked Big A. to leave.  
And that was all that what was to it.

I closed the door of my apartment and heard the sound of her high heels fade while she descended the stairway.  
I felt sad because I had not felt a single emotion during this discussion. To be frank I was fed up with all it.

In the kitchen I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.  
There was nothing else I could do.

### Last Night by Franco Bolli – June 29, 2014

Last night  
I screamed your name.  
In vain it was.

My hands sliding  
Over the cold bed linen.  
My fingers  
Searching for you  
In the empty space  
Enveloping me.  
My vision  
Impaired by darkness.

I whispered your name  
Last night.  
In a dream it was.  
I could feel your body  
And the warmth of  
Your soft skin  
Burning,  
Fueling my  
Heartbeat.

Yes, I screamed  
Your name out loud.  
In the middle of  
The night it was.  
Yesterday, and the  
Day before.  
Tomorrow too,  
I'm sure.

Till you return  
And fill up again  
The emptiness  
I live in  
With your Love,  
Princess.

Nikon + Skywatcher 130/650

### Princess on Holiday - Day One – June 30, 2014

Around half past ten Sunday morning I received a text message from Princess.  
She had arrived in Toulon with still 150 kilometers ahead of her before arriving in Quillan.  
Quillan is located at the foothills of the Pyrenees between Carcassonne and Perpignan.

The trip had been swift without traffic jams and the new GPS worked flawlessly.  
I smiled and wished her a grand day.

I did spend the bigger part of the day in bed or on the sofa though. I watched Spider Man 1, 2 and 3 and Twister and did some reading.  
My lower back pains were killing me. Nearly 6 weeks ago I started seeing a osteopath and after my first visit I already felt relieved.  
I had forgotten how it hurts with pain radiating down my legs.

In the early evening Princess and I tried to Skype but getting connected was near to impossible and when we did it broke seconds later. Plan B thus and I called my love with my cell phone.

My love enjoyed her first day in the South of France and later on, after our conversation, she and the kids were going to discover the neighborhood.  
Princess had already opened an envelope. It contained the poem I posted earlier today and it made her miss me even more.

After our long talk I got two text messages from Stella. She was not feeling well and troubled about not being able to phone her mum because she feared her bill was already sky-rocketing.

This led to other troubles and she talked about a boy she had met only a few weeks ago and how this was causing her pain and fears. At a certain moment I felt like a version of Dr. Phil.

Anyway I think I was able to sooth her and pull her mind away to less dangerous waters.  
After that I went to bed, exhausted, hoping my back pains would be gone when I woke up.

It is Monday and I'm at work and the pain in my lower back is just bearable.

The village of Quillan

Princess on Holiday - Farewell Sarah – June 30, 2014

What Princess and I feared the most happened only a few hours ago.

Princess has a dog and she is very old and has been suffering much lately.  
Back problems, arthritis mainly, making it hard for her to move or walk.

Over the past year and even more rapidly these past few months, weeks even, The Dog's health was deteriorating.

Princess told me she was afraid The Dog would pass away while she was on vacation.  
If this would happen Princess preferred not to know, mainly to protect her kid's feelings.  
I can relate to that.

One of Princess' sisters is staying at her place to take care of things. For Stella of course so she has a real and trusted family member near her. But Princess' sister takes also care of the few animals living with Princess and her kids.

She called me, Princess' sister, not an hour ago, saying she could not reach Princess and that The Dog had passed away.

"What to do?" Princess' sister asked.  
It was not a scenario Princess and I had envisioned and her sister had already texted Princess.  
The word was out.

"Check with her", I answered.  
I cannot decide for Princess.  
"I'll keep you posted", Princess' sister told me.

Minutes later Princess called me to ask my opinion. She had parked her car along the highway. I heard the cars whoosh by. We talked for a few minutes about what to do with The Dog.  
Suddenly there was a strange sound, deep and dark, indistinct words harshly spoken.  
It was The Boy, mad because Princess was talking with me (and discussing a crisis). Some things never change. They hate me and they always will even if they do not know who I am or for what I stand. Ignorance is for the lazy.

It does not touch me anymore though, I have given up hope.

"I am sorry," Princess said. "I will talk to you later via Skype."  
"Okay," I said a little sterner than intended.

The Dog was one of the few whom accepted me at Princess' place.

Animals don't judge people. For them it is a binary thing. Like or Not Like, Food or No Food, 1 or 0.

When I came over to pick up Princess. The Dog always came to me for some attention and petting.  
It was refreshing.  
The Dog did not show her disgust towards me like Princess' kids do every time they are confronted with me.

I hadn't seen The Dog these past few weeks as she could hardly walk, the poor thing.

The Dog liked me.  
I kind of liked her too although I am not that fond of dogs. I am more a cat lover.

Hell, I pushed the shutter of a camera a zillion times. My life is very well documented.  
Yet I have no image of The Dog.  
I regret that.  
I have an image of The Dog in my mind, in my recollection though. That is worth a billion pixels.

I will miss you Sarah.  
I truly will.  
I wish I could pet you one last time and tell you all will be well.

### Princess on Holiday - For Sarah – July 1, 2014

Today, after work, I drove home, quickly changed clothes and went to Princesses place.

It was a strange experience. No Sarah lounging painfully in my direction and when I rang the doorbell it was not Princess but her sister who let me in. Entering the house was cumbersome too. No kids running away in distress or The Boy trying to intimidate me.

Princesses sister showed me the grave she had dug the evening before. She had done a good job. It is next to a blossoming hydrangea and it is a very good and thoughtful choice.

Then we went into the garden and she showed me Sarah. As I had expected the body was out of sight, under a bush and not far from the garage where she used to sleep.

It was not an easy task to bring her round the house and we used a blanket to move Sarah. Strangely I felt no emotions. I was simply doing a job that needed to be done.

We managed to put Sarah in her grave and I jumped in and laid her in a sleeping like position. For the last time I touched her soft fur and muttered a few words, more to comfort myself though.

Half an hour later we finished. It is up to Princess and her kids to make something for Sarah's grave.

Princesses sister and I sat in the garden for a while, just chit chatting and drinking ice cooled water. She had invited me for dinner but I had refused her offer in the kindest way and she had not insisted. The kids would not have approved.

Then Stella and Star arrived and we talked some more.  
We did not talk about Sarah and I have no clue whatsoever on how Stella is processing Sarah's departure.

Stella will be coming to my place after work, just after noon. Then we'll pick up Star and drive back to my place. I promised Stella we would get a Moochie (frozen yogurt with toppings of your choice) too.

Back home I took a shower and the warm water rinsed my emotions and tears away.

I feel sad.  
Princess and her kids lost a faithful friend and I'll miss Sarah too.

But most of all I miss Princess. I wish I could curl up against her.  
I'll have to wait till Sunday though.

We knew Sarah was near her end and in a way I am glad this happened while Princess and her kids were away.  
They will have time to adjust to the idea while having a good time.  
Princesses kids have already seen enough of death's ugly face.  
No need for them to experience it again.

My good friend, Southern Sir, in his comment on my previous post shared a link with a poem titled "The Rainbow Bridge". Thank you John for bringing this under our attention.

I took the liberty to copy and paste it and for copyright reasons this is the link to the poem: <http://www.newrainbowbridge.com/NRB/rbpoem.htm>

This is for you, Sarah.  
You are now a part of our hearts and memories.

**The Rainbow Bridge**  
 **inspired by a Norse legend**

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,  
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.  
Where the friends of man and woman do run,  
When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,  
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.  
On this golden land, they wait and they play,  
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,  
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.  
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,  
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,  
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.  
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,  
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;  
Together again, both person and pet.  
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,  
The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,  
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.  
They embrace with a love that will last forever,  
And then, side-by-side, they cross over... together.

© 1998 Steve and Diane Bodofsky. All Rights Reserved.

### Princess on Holiday - Moochie Time – July 2, 2014

I had a bad day after a bad night and an evening that went a little sour yesterday.

Sadly Princess and I had a row and it was once again me who started it. First with Skype, then due to bad Wi-Fi we continued by phone finishing the fight with text messages before we wished each other good night.

I have no excuse whatsoever for my bad conduct.

I've been feeling rather emotional these past few days. To that was added the grief of Sarah's departure and the not so pleasant burial yesterday afternoon.  
I missed being comforted, kind words, being held but most of all I missed Princess.

And of course I know Princess is on holiday and enjoying herself with her children. A day passes very rapidly and understandably she hasn't been texting much or emailing for that matter. Wi-Fi sucks and Skype does not work so we phone and try to make our conversations short.

Fatigue, sadness and an unjust feeling of being neglected were enough to wake up my old demons. One led to another and soon a friendly conversation had become an embittered one.  
I am sorry for that, Princess.

I also found out Big A. is leaving this Sunday for at least 2 months. Some time ago I helped her with paperwork for an organization for au pairs and she has a job in Milano, Italy. Yes, I am proud of my daughter.  
I am not sure I'll see her before she leaves though. She is very busy packing she told me on the phone.

In the early afternoon Stella stopped by. She wanted us to look at some photographs one of her sisters had taken from her. Stella wanted to pick two for me to order posters of them.  
Afterwards Stella and I went for frozen yogurt at the Moochie Bar in my street. We chit chatted for a short time and then she went back home.

I watched a few movies on my iMac and continued to feel blue and sad and anxious.

Around ten this evening we'll try to Skype again. I so very badly need to hear Princesses voice. I so desperately want to know that everything is still good.

I am who I am and sometimes I can be a frightened little boy.

OMG I really do miss Princess.

### I Give You My Heart, Princess – July 2, 2014

My heart feels  
Like it's covered  
Under a veil.  
Not a black or a  
Red one.  
Not even  
Joyful yellow  
For that matter.

It simply is  
A colorless one.

Merely a thin mist.  
So very fragile.  
Early morning  
Fog alike.

You are  
Unreachable far  
From me,  
Princess.

I cannot touch  
You.  
Not with my  
Breath.  
Or with my  
Fingers,  
Lips  
Or  
Kisses.

Yet I know  
You feel  
My soul,  
My love,  
As I feel  
Yours  
In each  
Of my  
Heartbeats,  
Princess

### The Mansion – July 3, 2014

The sun was setting, huge and orange, and the explosion of colors in the atmosphere was fading away. The sky was now deep blue and slowly declining to black.  
With some effort one could see a few stars making their modest appearance.

Soon now the night would take over. A few rays of sunlight were still fighting an already lost battle.  
Orange beams quickly dissipated and night claimed its victory over the day.

I parked my car near a woodland edge and shut down the engine. After getting out I opened the trunk and got my camera.  
It was a short walk to the abandoned mansion.  
Over time it had become a safe place for drug addicts or youngsters searching privacy for quick and clumsy fucking on rotting mattresses.

To my surprise it had been somewhat restored to its former glory since my last visit a few months ago.  
Behind the windows warm and inviting lights were burning. Barely audible music danced on the warm summer breeze. Yet I felt a shiver running down my back.

When I approached it the front door was opened as if somebody had patiently been waiting for my arrival.

"Welcome, Monsieur", a beautiful redhead cheered at me. She was dressed as an extremely sexy French maid. In her left hand I noticed a black feather duster.

This could not be true, my eyes were clearly deceiving me. The pinch I gave myself did hurt so I was not dreaming.  
Was I hallucinating?

"Princess????" I stammered in disbelief.

### Princess on Holiday - Just another – July 3, 2014

We video chatted yesterday evening and it was fun seeing Princess and listening to her voice. Around midnight Princess received a strange text message from Stella. It was clearly written with much anger but Princess did not have a clue what it was about. A little worried Princess asked me if I would phone Stella during the day.  
"Sure", I told her.

I slept well and she did too she told me this morning during our short daily exchange of text messages.  
Princess and her kids have decided to visit Perpignan and afterwards fun on the beach of Mediterranean Sea.

I kind of decided to go to work.

After work I phoned Stella and she was very nervous and uptight. It took a while before she opened up to me and told me what it was all about. We talked for almost half an hour.  
I hope I was able to calm her down.

At 17:30 I picked up Big A. and we walked to a nearby restaurant where we enjoyed salad and fries. Big A. told me about her trip to Bergamo near Milan, Italy. For two months she'll work as an au pair for a single mom and her boy aged 3,5. Big A. told me about her fears, her plans and seemed very happy.

I am really proud of my first-born.  
She will be leaving Saturday for Brussels for a day with her mom, Little A. and their grandmother. Early Sunday morning Ex is driving Big A. to Charleroi Airport.

Dinner was okay and we got free dessert, courtesy of a small caterpillar in Big A.'s salad.

We had a great time and talked about a zillion things. It was fun sitting outside and enjoying a well-doing sun.  
Much too soon we had to go and I accompanied Big A. back home.

We hugged and said goodbye and I felt very emotional, a mixture of sadness and proudness.  
Hell, I've been saying a lot of goodbyes these past few days.

Big A. promised she would write or Skype and we hugged a last time and that was it.

I am at home now, writing this post.  
It is half past eight in the evening and I cannot wait to talk to Princess.

I hope she had a grand day.

Tree nights to go and then Princess will be back where she belongs.

Into my arms, Princess, please come quickly.  
I so miss you so much, Princess.

### Princess on Holiday - The last mile is the hardest – July 5, 2014

Saturday morning.  
In less than 40 hours Princess will be home, lying happily in my arms.

It is early and I'm sitting at my writing-table enjoying a cup of coffee. Outside the sky is grey and it is drizzling. Yet in my apartment it still is sultry. The past few days have been very sunny and hot.  
I know I should avoid walking too much today. My lower back hurts but it is bearable. No need for a painkiller.

Yesterday, after work, I did something I had promised myself a long time ago but never came around doing it.  
I went swimming.  
My physical therapist told me crawl is very beneficent for my back.  
So I went swimming and I when I came home I felt great. Maybe this afternoon I'll go again.

Back home I noticed Stella had texted me.  
'Call' me it read and I smiled as Little A. does this too but she shortens it to a simple 'Call'.

I sensed Stella was feeling lonely so I drove over to her place. We talked and she showed me dozens of photographs of herself and Star. I promised to make a few posters as a late birthday present but choosing and making a decision in not something Stella is good at.  
Finally 4 of them fell in grace and I'll be ordering the prints later today.  
We talked some more and Stella complained about Princesses Sister and I tried to calm her down.

Then Star got hungry and tired and an exhausted toddler can be a real pain so I said goodbye to both and drove back home.  
It had started raining and the air was filled with the delicious aromas wet earth releases after a period of drought.

Once again Princess and I did not manage to video chat due to the very unreliable Wi-Fi at the place she is staying.  
We simple phoned and talked and it was delightful and packed with so much love and need.

Then I went to bed and soon I was sound asleep.

My plans for today are:  
\- At 18:00 I'll be watching Belgium-Argentina  
\- I'll have to do some cleaning  
\- Preparing and uploading the prints I promised Stella  
\- Swimming  
\- Writing

I titled my past Thursday Photograph 'The Mansion' and it marks the beginning of a short story I've been working on for some time.  
The story is almost fully developed in my head and it is time to start writing it down. It will be a frame story.  
I feel unsecure though. Writing a story is totally different from writing a simple post. After all English is not my mother tongue and I obviously miss the finesses a language has to offer.  
Most of all I am afraid my sentences and descriptions will be cliché.

Anyway, some editorial input would be very greatly appreciated.

Princess on Holiday - On her way home – July 6, 2014

Princess left Quillan, France at around 10 am and if all goes well she'll be lying in my arms in less than 14 hours.

Yesterday evening we spoke briefly on the phone. Princess hoped next Saturday we could go to The Dungeon for the monthly Fetish Lounge Club.  
Princess was sad when I told her the first Saturday of the month, when the FLC takes place, was now. We'll have to wait another month before we can play in "public".

Princess is craving for us to play so I told my love we would this coming Tuesday evening.  
In fact it has been weeks since we last played very intensely. Yes we played of course, but not as rough as we normally do.

I'll be implementing some new stuff too. Amongst these newbies will be more humiliation, more pain and much more orgasm denial.  
In a later stadium there will be mild fire play.  
For some reason we are not attracted to electro play.

On the phone Princess asked me if we could do some minor play when she arrives at my place somewhere during the night.  
I smiled and said it all would depend on how she feels.  
Princess is always so hungry when it comes to BDSM.  
I love her so very much, she is everything I've always wanted and searched for.

So in less than 14 hours Princess will be with at my place, naked and willingly. We'll have till noon tomorrow.

What have I missed the most?  
Of course I've missed Princess as a whole and knowing she was so far away made it even worse.

Asking for Princesses opinion, listening when she tells me something, all our communication. Going for a walk or enjoying a movie here at home we love doing too.  
Simply being together is what I missed most.

I am yearning for her kisses. We love to kiss and most of the time we let our tongues dance slowly with some gentle sucking of the lips. When we kiss, Princess and I, we lose every notion of time and while our mouths make love we become one.

I've missed seeing Princess smile and the glow of unconditional love in her eyes.

Not being able to touch her, or feel the softness of her hair, not being able to feel the warm skin of her delicious body I know so well.

Feeling her next to me at night and even more gazing on her beautiful face when I wake up in the morning before we engage into lazy lovemaking.

The hair pulling, biting and pinching her nipples, the spanking, the rope play, hot wax...  
I have missed that very much too.

### Princess on Holiday - On her way home - The Accident – July 6, 2014

At 15:09 Princess texted me to inform me they had been in an accident on the highway. Nobody was hurt or wounded.

Bo was driving. She is not very experienced yet, she got her driver's license only a few months ago. Don't get me wrong, I am just saying and certainly not accusing her or pointing a finger. After all I wasn't there and under the same circumstances it could happened to me too.

Apparently the car driving in front of them hit the brakes and while maneuvering around the object Bo lost control over the steering wheel. The car went in a spin and finally came to a stop against the traffic barrier.  
Bo is in the hospital for a check-up and a hotel is being arranged by Princesses travel insurance. There will be a replacement car tomorrow.  
They are all shaken and very emotional.

I contacted Princesses sister to inform her and we agreed we would try to keep this from Stella as long as possible. Stella is not expecting her mom before midnight so maybe she'll find out tomorrow. We'll see. The last thing Princess and her kids need is Stella phoning or texting each 5 minutes.

Princess and her kids need to rest and find some peace.  
What an awful way to end a wonderful holiday.

The car is a total loss but it can be replaced.  
Princess and her kids are unharmed and that is what finally counts.

Tomorrow I'll contact Princesses work and ask them to grant her an extra day off on Tuesday. She'll need the time to buy a new car and she probably needs to fill in all sorts of forms.  
I've contacted my manager too and asked if my day off could also be transferred.

That was no problem whatsoever.

I offer you this Orgasm by Princess – July 7, 2014

_The Project contained one gift voucher for one orgasm. Using it or not was up to Princess. I also explained her an assignment was linked to the usage of the voucher. I wanted her to write about her experience and or emotions._  
 _She used the voucher past Wednesday evening while taking a bath. It was one of the rare moments Princess had some privacy._  
 _I love what Princess wrote._  
 _Franco_

Desire fills my stomach with what seems like a zillion butterflies.  
My head is spinning at the thought of being with you.  
I want to feel you deep between my hungry thighs.  
Your hands grab me and take possession of what is yours.  
Your cock a sword that touches my heart making me feel as if I'm going through the gate of life and death.

I miss you so.

I embrace myself and imagine it are your arms that make me feel so safe.  
My hands stroke my nipples and I imagine you softly grazing them before sinking your teeth hard in my sensitive teats.  
I want you, the yearning is maddening.  
I want you so much, Milord.

My fingers slide deep between my greedy lips yet it is you I taste, my Love.  
My fingers, wet, glide towards my yearning nipples.  
Impatient fingers brush down over my warm belly aching desperately for your touch.

You lead my hands down to my oasis that is yours.  
I'm floating on a cloud of lust and surrender to desire.  
Your soft touches make my wet core pulsate until it takes over my whole body.  
Yes, I want you, Milord.

I close my eyes and see you standing there looking at me.  
My Dom, observing your creation while pleasuring herself with dancing fingers.  
You, my Dom, enjoying the view and the sounds I make.

Dark clouds cast a shadow over my skin. Your hands reach for the sky and tear them apart. I see your smile when a bolt of lightning hits my soul. I shiver, moan, whimper, scream and whisper...

Thank you, Milord.  
Thank you a thousand times.  
I miss you.  
Princess

Princess on Holiday - Finally home – July 8, 2014

Yesterday, little before midnight, Princess walked through the door of my/our apartment.

It was pure heaven holding Princess in my arms again, after almost a week and a half. Magic it was, feeling, touching and kissing the woman I love more than life itself. We did not know what to say so we held each other for long minutes before our lips engaged in a long kiss. A very long kiss I might add.

Stumbling over her words she talked about the accident, analyzing it again until I told her to stop. Let the past be what it is, something that cannot be changed. You and your kids are safe, that in the end is what counts, I told her.

Gently I leaded her into less violent waters and Princess told about what they had done and seen. Numerous times Princess expressed how much she had missed me, how she had wanted me to be there at her side to share the beautiful things she had seen.

There was a present for me too, something she had bought in the city of Carcassonne.

In a wooden box with a scent that reminded me of cigars, I found a useful set of paraphernalia for serving wine.  
There is a corkscrew with a knife to cut the foil, a bottle stopper, a pourer and a ring to avoid drops falling on the tablecloth.

Wonderful and well-chosen, Princess, thank you very much. I will value this gift of yours like I cherish everything you have given me. We both love a good glass of Shiraz and this set adds to the act of preparing the drinks.

"Thank you, my love", I whispered and grabbed her hair so I could pull her closer for a kiss.  
She moaned and closed her eyes, enjoying the harsh treatment. Princess adores it when I pull her hair.  
Obviously Princess was exhausted so we went to bed.

What a wonderful experience seeing her delicious body lying in our bed. Of course we made love and soon our bedroom was filled with the scent of raw sex. Oh how much we had missed this, the roughness, the nipple pinching/biting, the hair pulling.  
Needless to say Princess came abundantly before we finally fell asleep, skin against skin, limbs entangled.

A short text message from Stella woke me at 7 this morning and I quickly replied before taking Princess who was still half asleep.

After that we dozed for a while, went to the bathroom for a quick shower. Back in our bedroom I ordered Princess to kneel so I could use her mouth before I dragged her to the bed again, face down and positioning a pillow under her stomach.  
She loves it when I take her in her most private spot. Princess experiences it as the most intense act of submission.

After a while I pulled of my rubber and used her the regular way and finished with what she likes to call 'her breakfast'. Princess drank it all and then we kissed and I tasted cum on her tongue and I kissed her again.  
And again.

We got out of bed around 9, had coffee and left the house.

Princess and I went shopping.  
After all she needs a new car.

### Thoughts - July 9th, 2014

It's Wednesday and my free day.

I am not feeling well today.  
During the night very intense lower abdominal pains, like being stabbed with a knife a zillion times, woke me up. I got out of bed, trying not to wake Princess, and spend half an hour in the bathroom.

Got back in bed and crawled close to Princesses warm body but I kept shivering.  
Finally I fell asleep again.

I woke up feeling very emotional. While watching Princess wake up I could not hide my tears. It was a very strange sensation. It felt like it were my last living minutes, some kind of ending.

Until now, noon, I've been feeling like this with the occasional weeping, feeling sad and missing Princess so much.

Princess went to work and I picked up Stella at her place and dropped her off at work. Then I drove to Princesses bank with the sales contract so she can get her loan and gave them the old number plate.

Back home I watched "Source Code" with Jake Gyllenhaal. It is an excellent, entertaining and exhilarating movie. It did not make me feel any better though.  
Got an email from Big A. who's in Italy as an au pair. Everything was okay she wrote and asked me if I would correct an English translation she made from an Italian text.

In half an hour I'm going to pick up Stella at her work and bring her home.

I'll try to some more writing this afternoon if I feel like it.

These strange waves of melancholy overflowing me are paralyzing.  
Is this happening to me because I can let go now that Princess is back and safe?  
Is it the stress, worries and the missing that have been building up these past week and a half and has now found a way out of my system?  
Do I finally understand how close I came to losing Princess forever?

True, I have missed her so very much I do not know how to describe my feelings.  
It was awesome, magical and intense holding her in my arms when she finally arrived at home. Our home.  
Feeling her warmth, her love.  
Being finally complete again.  
Having Princess next to me where she belongs.  
My love, my fiancé and the woman whom one day I'll ask to marry me.

A New Car – July 9, 2014

Yesterday, Tuesday we had both a day off from work and it was a stressful one with loads of unexpected emotions.

The day started with a text message from Stella asking her mother to pick her up a.s.a.p. because Star was hungry and the fridge empty. She, Stella was famished too. Tell me something new.

It was still very early. Princesses daughter sometimes lacks the feeling for time and space.  
We made love, dozed for a while and made love again and I visited all the attractions. It is my way to say I used Princess in every possible way.

We left a nine in the morning for what would be a very long day.

"You care to drive?" Princess asked me.  
"Wow, sure. Yes. Wow", I replied while Princess handed me the keys to the almost brand-new and full options Toyota Avensis break replacement car.

I am not into sports or cars like your average guy but this is of course a windfall.

The car starts by pressing down the clutch pedal and pressing a button. When you put the car in reverse a rear wide-angle camera is enabled and you can see what is happening on the console. Very neat although I found it hard to judge distances and I prefer by far the audible alarm my car offers.

I found the Avensis to low too and bumped my head against the ceiling a few times.

So this is how our day looked like but I'll start with a preface.

The evening before there was a discussion between Princess and The Boy. He understandably wanted to accompany his mom to the garage for a new car. Boys will be boys. Princess wanted me at her side yet understood his wishes and told him he was welcome to join us. Me not being there was out of the question though. He said something like 'over my dead body' kind of stuff.  
I was not aware this discussion took place until later.

We drove to the bakery for bread and dropped it at Princesses place.  
While I was waiting The Boy came outside with the child's seat and got upset because he could not open the back door and I did not know how to unlock it from inside. There is a button next to a zillion other buttons on the door at the driver's side.  
Okay.  
I am sorry.  
New car.

To my surprise he not only fastened the child's seat but also sat down and closed the door.  
There we were, The Boy and I in the same space.  
Wow.  
This was definitively a first one.

I asked The Boy if he had enjoyed the holiday. He was very grumpy in his answers and soon the accident was mentioned and the fact a new car had to be bought.  
He did not like the idea that such investments had an influence on what they as a family could put between their sandwiches.

Then The Boy asked me in a very blunt way if I had ever experienced serious financial problems.  
Could I have been anything else than honest?

So I told me it had happened twice. The first time was when a business I had started did not work out as I had expected and the second time was during my divorce.  
I had survived them both and without bragging I now I am at my best in stress situations.

He alluded to the fact he wanted to be a part of the 'shopping for a new car' event implying he could not due to my existence.  
I told him he was more than welcome to join us and he looked at me as if I had made a proposal so indecent even the Almighty would have vomited over the world.

Then he was gone and seconds later Princess came.

"He is mad because you are driving the car", she told me. "He is not sure if you are allowed to do so. You know, contracts and all."

"Yeah", I said, "me neither," and started the car.

We had breakfast at Stella's and it was a strange experience.

Princess told her firstborn about the accident and Stella reacted as if Princess had visited the hairdresser or so.  
Stella has not enough imagination to understand the implications of what happened, what could have happened. Like most people whom suffer some kind of mental disease she is very selfish.

I drove them to the grocery store, drove back to Stella's place and unloaded Stella, Star and their stuff and then we drove back to Princesses place so her kids had some grub too.

Back on the road, 15 miles to her garage. They sell Dacia, a cheaper version of Renault.

She made her choice and we drove back to her hometown to visit the bank.  
The Boy texted and thought his mother needed a second opinion. He had a point there.

So we drove to Princesses place and, wow, another first one, we picked up The Boy and visited a Skoda garage. It did not inspire us with much confidence though. If I were a film mogul I would have casted the owner of the garage, with his artificially black hair, a contradiction to his age, the stupid black moustache and his watery eyes as the boss of a sleazy sex bar.

So back to the Renault/Dacia garage and we talked a second time with the sales person and The Boy insisted we would take in account a used car. I did not agree. Princess drives 35000 kilometers a year and we discussed it with the sales person.  
I noticed how The Boy, 17, can be extremely rude.

Then we drove back to the bank. I had asked not only for an offer for a loan but I wanted to know what Princesses had to pay extra on insurance for her new car. After all these figures define what Princess needs to put aside each month.

The Boy did not want to go to the bank with us. After all it was once his father's bank too and he did not like the idea that his mother went inside with "a new boyfriend".  
He told me, and I like his honesty, he did not appreciate me calling Princess 'your mother' when I referred to her while taking to him. He told his mother, sorry, Princess, he did not like seeing her touch me or hold my hand.

Later on that day we dropped him off at home and shortly after he texted his mother, fuck, I mean Princess, telling her nothing had changed.  
It has changed, Boy and I know you do not like to admit it.  
Then he called her on her cellphone emphasizing what we had already figured out.

He is afraid for poverty and more specific for him being poor. It is a contradiction but The Boy prefers a second-hand Renault to a brand-new Dacia. I know because he asked Princess if a Toyota Avensis would be possible.

I smiled when Princess told me about his low self-image and what he thinks people think about him. Yeah, I know, once, a long time ago, I was 17 too.

I think he needs somebody to kick his sorry ass and tell him it is not about what you have but about what you are.  
Princess finally signed and we went to the bank and she filled in the paperwork.

Then we said goodbye for the time being.

It was something like 23:00 when she came to our place and we were both exhausted.

Hell, I could not have lifted a lightweight whip.  
We went to bed and I bit Princess and pulled her hair and fucked her.  
And then I did it again and we finally fell asleep.

DACIA

### Rain – July 10, 2014

It has been raining a lot these past few days.

Stella was very happy I was able to pick her up at work earlier today. Her only transportation to and from work is her bicycle.

I made this image while waiting for Stella and it is shot through the windshield of my car with my iPhone using the Hipstamatic App.

### eBook Thursday's Photograph - Volume 1 – July 10, 2014

I have published my second eBook based on my Thursday's Photograph project on my blog.  
It is in EPUB format and you can find and download it for free HERE

Volume 1 contains the 10 images and text from the Thursday's Photograph blog posts I made in May and June 2014.

This eBook was entirely created on my iPad using Creative Book Builder. CBB is a very neat little App and offers a myriad of options and possibilities. It will of course not beat a professional desktop EPUB publishing thingamabob but for quick and dirty work I find it a great tool.

I didn't seem to be able to upload a Kindle version of this little book and I have no idea why. So if one of you, Readers, would like a Kindle format version, just write me an email.

Please let me know if you liked this little book and of course I'll embrace comments and polite, constructive critiques.  
Thank you so much for your cooperation.

Thursday's Photograph - Volume 1 - May/June 2014

Thoughts - July 11th, 2014

Princess came by yesterday evening like she does every Thursday. It is one of our 3 evenings a week we are able to spend together.

I told her about the reservations I made for our second holiday together. We'll be leaving on Monday, September 15th and return on Friday 19th and we are sojourn in the little town of Monschau, Germany. It will be out third stay in the excellent and very cozy Venngasthof Zur Buche and it is situated just outside Monschau and near the Eifel National Park.  
Saturday evening September 20th we'll be having dinner in the Japanese restaurant Shokudo and celebrate our third anniversary.  
Wow.  
We took a long bath, Princess and I and we enjoyed being together. Since she came back from her holiday past Monday night is was our first moment of real Q-time.

Then we went to bed and made love. Princess told me she desired a good whipping. I pulled her back out of bed and positioned her some 3 feet from of one of our bedroom walls. Princess had to hold her hands against the cold stone wall and I pushed her legs a little apart. Then I warmed Princess up with a soft flogger before switching to the rubber whip and topped it off with a few hard blows with the leather one.

Princess almost came and I finished it on the bed, biting her nipples and going down on her, licking, grazing and finally biting in her clit.  
Like always Princess climaxed abundantly and after changing the bed linen we fell asleep.

Princess has a free day but I have to go to work.  
So it was hard leaving Princess, still sound asleep, in our bed, early this morning.  
And like the other day I felt extremely blue and it was only later this morning I finally understood where this sadness is coming from.

It is about Princess having that accident that could have ended far worse than it did. I am aware I could have lost Princess.  
The idea makes me feel extremely anxious.  
I am sure it will wear off but for now, yes, I feel very unsettled.

Princess is my life.  
I unconditionally love Princess with my heart and my soul.  
Princess is everything to me.  
I wish I could spend more time with her. I wish we could live together and wake up together every day until the last one.

One day, I'm sure, Princess will say "yes" and it will be the happiest day of my life.  
No, in fact every moment with Princess makes my day the happiest of my life.  
I simply am a very lucky and happy man.

I love you, Princess.  
Thank you for sharing this life with me.

Setting up a play date – July 12, 2014

We haven't played like we used to do since weeks now. Make it a month. Hell, maybe it has been even longer ago.

Our lovemaking has not changed though. It still is intense and rough and wrapped in lots of tenderness.  
Two nights ago Princess asked to be whipped and I gladly acknowledged her wish.

Yesterday, on the phone, she told me she still finds it difficult to ask me for pain, spanking or whatever. I told her there was no need to feel uncomfortable about asking for a special treatment and that it would pleasure me if she did.

When Princess and I made love after she came back from holiday it was extremely intense for both of us. Well, to tell you the truth, it always is an intense experience but 11 days of longing added something extra to the happening.

With Princess under me I was leaning on my arms giving it to her. Princess was moaning and whimpering and pushed her mouth against my underarm muffling her screams.

"Bite!" I told her.  
Our eyes met and I could read in them how Princess was on the verge of climaxing.  
"Bite me. Do it now."  
For a second Princess hesitated. Then she bit me and while she came, shivering and shaking, her teeth went deeper in my skin.  
I thrived on that, wow, it felt so good.  
For some strange reason I do not understand yet I felt, for a few moments, very powerful.

Princess bit me!

I am very proud of the mark Princess left on me and I hope she'll give me another one this night.

This afternoon I went shopping and visited a local store specialized in indoor decoration.  
I like to think out of the box and add simple daily products to our box with toys.

New Toys

Today's acquisitions are:  
a wooden pizza spatula for spanking  
a fly swatter with a telescopic arm for spanking  
a rubber oven glove with ridges for petting and maybe some spanking.

Oven Glove – detail

A few days ago I told Princess from now on our playing would be different. I want to add more submission and humiliation. I warned her I was going to use her much more than I did before when pushing Princess to her orgasmic limits was the main goal. Princess finds the idea a very appealing one.

Princess will be spending much more time on her knees, not only for worshipping my dear friend but because I want her to wait for me in that position.  
The floor of our apartment is a stone one. I'm known to be a nice guy so I threw in a beautiful red seat cushion.

Princesses Kneeling Cushion

There will be orgasm denial too and I doubt if Princess will like that.

I added a bottle of 2012 fuZion, a delicious Shiraz -Cabernet mix from Mendoza, Argentina.

We are going to have one hell of an evening and night.

Looking back on our play date – July 13, 2014

We had a wonderful evening, Princess and I.

When she arrived I ordered Princess to go to our bedroom and change. Her sexy Fetish Wet Look dress was lying on the bed. Princes is not allowed to wear anything else but what I have prepared so of course she was naked under the dress.  
"Bring what I've put next to the dress with you when you are ready and please knock before entering our living room," I told her.  
Minutes later I Princess gently knocked on the door and when I opened it she was standing there smiling, happy as a lark.

The sexy dress fitted as a glove and in her cupped hands Princess held her collar.

After she answered the three questions that have become some kind of ritual I collared her and I led her to the church chair.  
Before I gave her permission to sit down I touched her, lifting her dress so I could inspect what's mine. Her pussy was already wet and I told Princess she was under no circumstances allowed to cum.

The she sat down and I opened the bottle of Shiraz using the wine set Princess had given me.

We drank and talked for a while in our dimly lit living room and she told me she enjoyed hearing our BDSM play music again.

I got up and helped Princess stand up and directed her to the red cushion that was waiting.  
"Kneel," I commanded.  
She kneeled and I could see the burning desire in her eyes when I dropped my pants.

"Pleasure me, girl," I growled.

After a while I grabbed Princesses hair and helped her up and then pushed her over the backrest of the sofa and lifted up her dress.

I did not waste my time warming up her butt and spanked her with the rubber oven glove. Princess was making all the right noises so I knew she was enjoying every blow and soon her breathing changed. She was on the verge of climaxing.

I stopped the spanking and quickly pulled a rubber over my rock hard cock. I spread her buttocks and gently pushed against her sweet little rosebud.

It did not take that much of an effort and within seconds I had her ass speared.

First I move leisurely, brushing her shoulders with the rubber whip. Then I put it aside and grabbed Princesses hair pulling her head backwards, holding her hip with my other and fucked her mercilessly.

Princess screamed and told me a zillion times how much she loved me.

I pulled back seconds before she climaxed and used a tissue to remove the rubber.  
"Straighten yourself girl. Pull your dress down for heaven's sake," I snapped.

"Yes Milord," she whispered.

Princess left for the bathroom and when she came back I was sitting on the sofa, drinking wine.  
I pointed to the cushion l had positioned between my legs.  
"You know what to do", I added.  
Princess kneeled again, unzipped me, got my cock out and pleasured me. She is indeed a very good girl.

"Enough. Get up and bend over the couch."

She got up and did what I had asked.

"Lift your dress, girl."  
Seconds later I pushed my cock deep in her longing pussy. It was already soaking wet.

I went on till I felt how her pussy started convulsing around my cock and pulled back.  
Princess sighed. The poor thing is not used not being allowed to come.

"Go and clean yourself up, girl. You look like you've been fucked silly."

Sitting in the sofa I allowed Princess to crawl up against me and for a while I held her in my arms. She felt safe, wanted and comfy and we kissed and I stroked her gently and kissed her some more. Princess told me she liked the new dimension I had given to our playing and being used a huge turn on.

"Are you tired?" I asked.  
"Yes I am, Milord."  
"I'll take you to bed, girl," I said attaching the leash to her collar.  
She sank on all for and crawled to our bedroom and up the bed.

"Wait for me."

In the living room I blew out most of the candles and a few I brought to the bedroom. After choosing a playlist on my iPod and making sure the music was not to loud I came to bed.

"Undress girl."  
We kissed and I ordered her down and she sucked and licked and then I pulled her up again and pushed Princess on her back and fucked her.  
"No," I barked when she asked permission to come.

I lay down on my back and Princess straddled me.

Soon she was fucking me and after a short moment I could tell she was close to a very intense orgasm.  
"Come. Now, girl," I ordered.  
I felt a warm gush running over my belly, balls and between my thighs.

I cannot describe the noises she made but it ended with a long exhale of barely understandable words before she sank down on me, muttering and out of breath. Princess thanked me a thousand times and I could tell it had been a very intense orgasm.

Princess kissed me and I held her shivering body close to mine.

A little later Princess drank me and it did not take long after that before we dozed off.

A 5:30 a text message woke us up.  
This time it was not Stella but Bo asking her mother if she would pick her up at 10:30 at a friend's place. Bo was waiting at Barcelona Airport for her flight back home.

I could not help it but I made a nasty remark about us being woken up so early. Something about lacking respect for others and thinking their mom should be ready 24/24 7 and drop everything else at their command.

If it had been Stella I would not have minded. But that is because I have a meaningful connection with Princesses first born.  
Fuck, why texting at 5:30 and not when arriving at Charleroi Airport a few hours later. There would still be time enough for Princess to pick Bo up.

We got up at 8 this Sunday morning and made love. A delicious quickie it was.

Then we drove to Stella's.  
She had to work and we would be babysitting.

It turned out differently.  
Stella complained about a painful shoulder restricting her movements and did not want to go to work.  
Washing dishes or maneuvering a cleaning machine is heavy work and I can imagine with a wry neck it is even harder. In our presence Stella phoned to call in sick and her boss did not like it a bit. On a Sunday morning she has to find somebody else or do the work herself.

The discussion went sour and suddenly Stella hung up on her boss. Stella was raving mad.  
Princess calmed her daughter down and we told Stella it was important to call her boss back and apologize.  
Finally she did and even that call went a little sour.

There has been no single month since Stella started working that she hasn't been absent one or more days. Mostly it is a last-minute call too. Her boss is fed up with this behavior.

On moments like this Stella's limitations sadly become so painfully obvious.

At ten Princess dropped me of at my place and then she had to pick up Bo.

I am a little grumpy because our Saturday evening/Sunday morning was 3 hours shorter than usual.

Later this afternoon Little A. will be here and stay at my place for the next two weeks.

An Unexpected Afternoon – July 13, 2014

When we left Stella this morning she was turned up and we took little Star with us. Princess would babysit and it would give Stella the opportunity to take care of her sore neck.  
Princess dropped me of near my place and then she was gone to pick up Bo.

Just after noon Stella phoned me and I could hear she was still agog. She desperately needed to do something and she wanted me to check if public swimming pools in the neighborhood were open. I quickly checked. It was an all negative.  
I told her so and suggested she asked her mother to take her and Star somewhere.

Some 30' later Stella phoned me again. Princess did not want to take her daughter out, she was tired and wanted some Q-time with Bo and her other kids.  
"My mother never does anything fun with me," Stella pouted.

Yeah sure.

"Okay, I'll pick you up in 15 minutes," I promised Stella and I kept my promise.

So I spend about an hour and a half walking with Stella and Star in the woods before we reached the Tavern and playground.

We sat down and had a few drinks. Ice Tea Green for us both.  
It rained a lot that afternoon but in between the showers Stella was able to play with Star while I watched and noticed how now and the Stella looked at me smiling.

The afternoon was an unexpected one and I'll cherish it in my memories.

We talked about the origin of the world, about relations and love. Stella told me she was craving for a relationship with a good man but feared it would never happen. She talked a little about her trust issues with men too. She is aware of her shortcomings but often fails to take lessons out of negative experiences.  
I simply told her the first one can be an ass, the second too and maybe the third one is not the right one either. But I was sure she would find someone who would make her happy.  
Mainly I tried to convince her there is always hope and love is everywhere. How sometimes you need to overcome trust issues because one day you'll need to do just that. Trust someone.

Yes, it was special sitting there with Stella and Star and taking care of them. Talking with Stella.  
Just being there and letting them know they can count on me.  
Doing things I hope are meaningful for both of them.

A Hot Evening & Night – July 16, 2014

Yesterday, Thursday evening, Princess came by. We had a glass of wine and enjoyed a great movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell called "Groundhog Day". This Harold Ramis' movie tells the story of a weatherman who finds himself living the same day over and over. Until he gets it right. And with it of course the gorgeous chick.

Then we went to our bedroom and I told Princess to wait in the bed for me while I took a quick shower.

When I entered our bedroom Princess was not lying in the bed as I had expected. Princess was waiting for me, kneeling on the red cushion, next to our bed.  
Wow.  
Princess is so awesome!

We made love, intense, raw and rough. No spanking though, Little A. is staying with us.  
I ran my nose over the soft skin of her armpits and sniffed her scent I adore. Her natural perfume arouses me instantly and without further warning I speared her violently holding her mouth closed with one hand while mercilessly biting her nipples.

"Do not dare to come, girl," I growled.

I used her, pounding relentlessly, then pushed her away and turned on my back.

"Fuck me hard girl", I snapped, "and don't you even think about you coming."

I watched her go for it. It is a maddening sight, her pussy going up and down over my dick. It is so horny, hot and erotic to see how it swallowed my hard on, spitting it out halfway and sinking back over it.  
"Enough. On your knees. Now," I growled.  
I sat on the edge of the bed and she took me in her mouth, sucking me, taking me deep. Her tongue swirled over and around the top and moved down to my balls, sucking them in.  
I did not allow myself to cum so just in time I grabbed her hair and pulled Princess up and then pushed her backwards on the bed.

"Spread them girl," I gasped, "show me what is mine."

She was wet and sticky and I licked her juices, tortured her clit with the tip of my tongue and finishing it off by grinding her clit between my teeth.  
Princess loves pussy slapping but having her clit bitten is an even more exhilarating experience.  
"Can I? May I, Milord? Please," Princess begged.  
"Knock yourself out girl," I told her and the last bite pushed her over the top.

"Thank you Milord," she whispered, "I love yo.... oohhhhhhh."  
With no warning at all I pushed my cock deep in her wet and throbbing core and after a few violent thrusts that made the bed screech dangerously she came again.  
Princess came the way I like. Gushing abundantly while trembling, shivering and holding me so very tight and close.

"Thank you Milord. Thank you. Thank you," she murmured.

I got out of bed, opened our bedroom window, it is so hot and the room filled with the fragrance of hot love.  
Got back in and she curled up against me and soon we were asleep.

When we woke up this morning I could not help myself but I pushed Princess on her back, held her wrists down and pushed myself in what is mine.

I allowed her two orgasms and then she was gone.  
At noon I picked her up at work and took her for a short walk to the woods. Half an hour later I dropped her off again.

She was able to finish work earlier today.  
And of course Princess came by.  
We went...  
Wait a minute!  
That is going to be another post.

### Princess in Red – July 16, 2014

A few evenings ago I went for a short walk. Picked up a few cold beers at the night shop and chitchatted for a while with the Pakistani owner.  
I passed the show window of a clothing store and there I saw this beautiful red dress.

For a moment I closed my eyes and imagined Princess in it. It was a picture-perfect.  
Besides, Princess looks great in red.

Later that night I told Princess on the phone about what I had seen and asked her when she could find some free time to go with me to the store. I desperately wanted to see Princess in it.

Princess left our apartment early this morning arriving early at work enabling her to leave early.  
So this afternoon I took Princess to the store.

I was right. She simply looked great and glamorous in the short-sleeved dress. It emphasizes all her goodies and makes Princess shine.

"Do you feel comfortable in it?" I asked.  
"Yes Milord," she nodded.  
"Do you like it? Do you feel great in it?"  
Once again she said yes.

I like Princess to be honest. In the end I have the easy part as I just have to lay back and enjoy the view. Princess must feel okay wearing it.

"This is really a beautiful dress. You have great taste and you know what suits me, Milord," she whispered.

"It is yours, Princess", I smiled.

I had it gift wrapped and handed my credit card over to the saleswoman.  
We left the store and walked to another store where I threw in a black leather handbag for my love.

I love Princess you know.  
I care for Princess and I try to protect her and help her grow and transcend herself.  
I want her to be beautiful too.  
I adore emphasizing her natural beauty and I love to show her body off too.

Back home she showed the dress to Little A.

Then we went to our bedroom for some cuddling and kissing and Q-time.  
We held each other and kissed and, well, kissed some more.

"I am going to miss you," she told me.  
"Tomorrow night you are all mine again," I whispered sliding my hand between her legs. I gave her another orgasm and it was very intense one.  
Hell, I gave her pussy a harsh spanking in between the rubbing and all. Princess moaned and under my fingers I felt the fabric of her panty wetting quickly.

"Thank you Milord", she said and kissed me.  
We do kiss a lot.

On the parking lot I kissed (see?) Princess and wished her a nice afternoon and evening.

Princess will be back in my arms tomorrow.  
Tomorrow seems an eternity away.

The Red Dress

### Trees – July 17, 2014

Tuesday morning I dropped Stella of at her psychiatrist where we arrived 20' too early. The doctor's office is situated near a park where I intended to take some photographs while waiting for Princesses daughter.

Sure enough I saw her arriving at the park a few minutes after I dropped her off. "What's the matter?" I asked sitting down next to her on a bench.  
"My appointment is 15' later than I thought it was," she smiled.  
"It is okay, don't worry," I told her.

For a while we sat next to one another in silence. It is not always easy to read Stella. Or know what to say. Or even say the right things.  
Then she talked about her dreams, her wishes, what she wanted to achieve in the next couple of years. She is aware of her limitations and tries to find ways around them.  
Here I was with Stella and while I listened to what she had to say my memories took me back to that day in August, almost two years ago.

That day I met Stella for the first time.  
Princess and I found her crying, very scared and crawled away in a corner of the bathroom. She was 5 months pregnant and had just been beaten up by her boyfriend. Up to today he has never given a sign of life or shown interest in his child. That is a good thing though as he is a mean and dangerous being.

I remember, one of the first days of January 2013 when we dropped Princesses daughter off at "4", the mother/baby unit.

On September 1st of that same year we helped Stella move from "4" to her social apartment and Stella started working half-time two months later. It is a contract for 1 year created for people like Stella to obtain a first work experience.

I've seen her on her worst and then even worse.

Here I was sitting with her on a park bench talking about her dreams.

She had come a very long way.  
I told her so and she smiled.  
Yes, I am truly very proud of Stella.

Then she got up and went for her appointment and I got up too and visited the park. It is a so-called witness hill, an old sandbank born a zillion years ago in a long forgotten sea.

An hour later I picked up Stella and drove her home.

During my walk I made a bunch of photos. The ones I took with my iPhone and the Hipstamatic App I like the most.

### Moments with Princess – July 18, 2014

Thursday evenings are Princesses sleepover nights.  
She arrived at twenty-two something wearing her red dress and she looked absolutely stunning.

We kissed and then she took off her dress. It was way too hot in the apartment due to the heat wave that hit us a few days ago. It beats the grey and rainy days we had the past few weeks but at night there is just too much heath.

Princess talked about her day at work. It is something I find important because I know she needs it. A bigger part of her working day is filled with 5 to 6 interviews with people who are not fit for the regular labor market because they are (mentally) ill or have an IQ way below average. It is not always easy to let go of these mostly drama stories and some of them remind her of Stella or her kid's father.

Then we discussed Vile's short, "The Breaking of Sabrina". Princess liked the storyline. Hot and arousing were some of the words she used describing her impressions.  
We talked some more, Princess and I, about the questions Vile had send me like kind of an interview.

I read her my answers and we discussed them and then we talked about the lifestyle and how it has changed us and how we are so happy and complete where we are now and how we are embracing its evolution in our relation.  
Fortunately Little A. was staying at a friend's place so we could open the terrace's window and that of our bedroom and leave the doors open. We were desperate, it was so hot and not even the slightest breeze to bring much-needed cooling.

Princess waited for me, kneeled on her red cushion at the side of our bed.

We hugged and I gave her permission to get into bed.

"Let me enjoy your scent," I said and Princess lifted her arms behind her head.

Delicious and arousing it was and I took her.  
Princess was already wet and so welcoming.  
A good girl she is.

After a few minutes I stopped, rolled off her and jumped out of the bed.  
"Come," I said.  
Princess got out too and I closed our bedroom door. I noticed a faint smile sliding over her beautiful face.  
I positioned her about two feet from the door and placed her hands against the wood and kicked the inside of her ankles until her legs were spread enough.

The rubber whip makes almost no sound except for the sexy whooshing when the strands fly through the air.

It was intense and the blows hard. Every so often I swayed the whip up between her legs so her pussy got whipped too.  
I don't like half work.  
When Princess was on the brink of an orgasm I stopped.

I got a rubber and showed it to her so Princess was aware of what was to follow.  
"You know the position, girl. Do it. Now," I groaned.

Back on the bed Princess kneeled spreading her legs and leaned on her forearms, her delicious ass sticking up.  
I positioned myself behind Princess and even there she was ready and waiting for me.  
Did I ever mention she is a really good girl?

Then I started fucking Princesses ass, my left hand leaning on her lower back and my right holding her hair pulling her head back.  
It was way too hot to keep this relentless pace so I finally pushed her away and got rid of the rubber.

My heart pounded as if it wanted to jump out of my chest and my body was covered with sweat.

"Oh my," I sighed.

Soon enough Princess had my cock in her mouth. I helped her and then she drank me and after that Princess kissed me.  
Yeah, I like it when she does that. I like to taste myself while kissing Princess.  
It is a huge turn-on.

Before falling asleep I told Princess she was allowed to have one orgasm.

"Thank you, Milord," she whispered not much later, trembling and shivering and holding me ever so tight.

I did not sleep very well.

We live on the second floor but with the window open people talking in the street could sound like being in our room.

Somewhere during the night I closed the window and then it got too hot and then there were those fucking mosquitos.

At 05:15 Stella texted a very irrelevant message. Something about not having enough face cloths and bath towels anymore and wondering if her mom had taken them away.  
Princess did not reply.

We woke up an hour and a half later.  
It still is my favorite instant of the day. Just opening my eyes, rising out a deep sleep and seeing Princess lying next to me.  
It is and always will be an amazing moment.

I was horny and jokingly I told her to keep her armpits far away from me. Of course Princess did the opposite and her scent aroused me and I forced her on her back and fucked her.

The poor thing never knew what hit her and after just a few poundings Princess simply came.  
Maybe it was because I bit her shoulder fiercely. I know, I should have known better. After all it is summer and thus hot and short sleeve time.

At 07:00 Stella texted again telling her mom she had been awake for a long time, yeah we noticed, and now felt way too tired to go to work by bicycle. It is after all almost 3 kilometers.

Princess looked at me for help.  
Outside the sun was shining.  
"No," I said, "don't give in. If she insists, text me, I'll take care of it. But for now I want you to go to work without stress."  
"Okay", Princess said.

At noon I picked Princess up from work and we went for a walk in the woods.  
On her bare shoulder I saw the very clear oval mark of my teeth.  
Princess did not care though.

We walked for a while and it was so cool under the trees and we talked some more, mostly about the questions Vile had send me.

Our time was too short though and much too soon I had to drop Princess off at her work again.

### Thunderstorm – July 20, 2014

It finally came at around four this morning.  
It introduced itself with a low rumbling, moving in fast though and changing to a deep, menacing roaring when it was above us.  
It came accompanied with incessantly lightning.  
Our bedroom curtains billowed.  
There was this very hard and unsettling crackling sound when the storm made a powerful fist before moving on.

"Wow," Princess whispered and moved up closer to me.

Then the rain came and we welcomed the delicious and organic scent of wet earth that filled our bedroom.  
Rain washed away the heat the walls had accumulated over the past few days.  
It rinsed the air and cooled it down.  
The water cleansed the dusty streets and quenched the thirsty vegetation.

A tepid breeze chased away the hotness, sticky and thick as syrup, out of our bedroom.  
We could breathe again.

We fell asleep again, Princess and I, our sweaty bodies welcoming the temperature drop.

When we woke up this morning it was still hot though, sunlight seeping in through the opening between the curtains.

Princess and I looked at each other in awe. Finding Princess next to me in the morning is a priceless gift.  
"Good morning," I susurrated and our lips touched, tongues danced and then we kissed.

I bit Princesses nipples while my hands on her shoulders pinned her down on the bed.  
Princess moaned and grunted trying hard not to make too much sound.

I pushed my knees between her legs.  
"Good morning, Princess," I said spearing her with my rock hard cock.

"Ohhh," she muttered, "this feels so good."  
I turned on my side holding her. I like it that way as I can hold Princess very close to me.  
"Don't come," I warned her.

She shook her head. "I won't, I promise," she sighed.  
Soon our bodies were covered with sweat and made us hotter and stickier. It felt exciting and so primal.

I went on fucking my love and I noticed how difficult it was for Princess not to come.

Sucking her lips, grazing her ear lobes pushed her further to the border and a steep fall became inevitable.  
"Give me pain Milord. Please," she whined.  
I did not hesitate and sank my teeth deep in her shoulder.  
She screamed, her body floundering in my arms.

"Can I, Milord? Please, may I?" she begged.  
I bit her again.  
It was mercilessly hard and almost to the point of breaking Princesses skin.  
Instantly her warm cum gushed over my belly and thighs soaking the already damp bed linen.  
Princess closed her eyes, gasping for breath, her heart pounding against my chest.  
"Thank you, Milord," she said while I kept my hips moving in a very slowly motion.

"This was so delic... oooh... I'm going to have ....," she muttered, when for the third or maybe fourth time I sank my teeth in her shoulder.  
"Multiple ones," I finished her phrase smiling.

Princess shivered and juddered in my arms, kissing my face all over before finding my mouth, sighing how much she loved me.

For what seemed an eternity we laid on the bed, holding each other.  
There was no need for talking.  
We already knew it all but most importantly we felt it.  
We felt it in our veins, our pores, souls and hearts.  
Princess and I.

A momentary household – July 23, 2014

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of paradise. For a moment I saw and experienced how living together with Princess would be like.  
Yet we still have to wait many, many years before this dream will become true.

I am in the second week of my holiday.

On Monday evening Bo dropped her mother off at my place. It was almost ten in the evening. We talked, went to bed and made intense love.  
Before turning off the lights I asked Princess at what time she wanted to get up.  
"Half past seven," she said, " after all it is not a far walk to work."  
"Come again?" I asked. "Walk?"

"Yes, didn't I tell you? Bo dropped me off, she is talking care of Stella and Star tomorrow."  
Wow.

The next morning, well, what did you think? I got out of bed too and off course I drove Princess to her work.  
At noon I picked her up like I have been doing for the past week and half. We went to the forest for a walk and I had brought a sandwich for Princess.

Later that afternoon I picked up Princess again and we drove back to the woods for a drink. Then we went shopping.

A bottle of Shiraz, onions, peppers, minced meat and a few cans red beans in chili sauce.

Princess made delicious Chili con carne it was grand sitting around the table, the three of us.  
I love it when Princess cooks for me.

We ate way too much and then Princess and I lay on the bed for a while. It was about relaxing, talking and enjoying being, for a very short moment, a household.  
Princess and I didn't do much except for taking a bath together, making love and spending a wonderful night in each other's arms.

This morning we got out of bed and I dropped Princess off at work. At noon I'll pick her up and we'll have short picnic in the woods. Later this afternoon I'll pick up my love when she had finished working and I'll have to drive her to her place.  
Sigh.

Princess makes me so happy and complete.  
Princess helps me exceed myself.  
Princess, I love you.  
Princess, you truly are everything I ever wanted and hoped for in my life.

### A Picnic – July 23, 2014

Shortly after noon I picked Princess up at her work and we drove to the woods. It has a playground, a small and chaotic botanic garden, several ponds and it is fun walking in the woods too.  
It was hot so I took Princes to the botanic garden were I knew was a worn-out wooden picnic table.  
We sat down in the shade while bees buzzed and butterflies danced from flower to flower.

Princess and I enjoyed our sandwiches and sipped from ice-cold Coke.

And of course we talked.  
We talked about Princesses morning at work and about how great it had been these past two days being together.

Then Princess told me how much she had treasured being able to simply enjoy her time with me. How she appreciated me taking away all her worries. From shopping to taking care she woke up on time in the morning.  
Princess mentioned how I had calmed her down yesterday evening while we were enjoying a cool bath.  
Stella had texted "I am so turned up."  
It occurs almost daily. During the day Stella has her work, and in the afternoon Star but in the evening she is alone and then her demons and fears take over.

Princess sighed and replied.  
I saw the powerlessness in Princess eye's when Stella answered she wanted to break things.  
I stroke her arms and held the palm of my hand against her cheek. It is a gesture that gives Princess a lot of comfort.  
"Can you do better?" Princess asked.  
It took a few moments before I told Princess what to type.  
She modified it a little and pressed the send icon.  
Had Stella given up or had it helped, I don't know, but there came no reply.

We drank our coke and it was so delicious sitting in the shade.  
Hell, it was pure magic being there with Princess.  
Princess told me again how she had liked even the small details like not having to worry about her alarm.  
How it had felt so natural, so liberating.

I smiled.  
Then Princess smiled too as she knew what I was thinking. This is what a true D/s relation is really about.

Princess grabbed my hand and we sat like that for a while, savoring nature's breathing.

Much too soon I had to take Princess back to work.  
Tonight she'll be sleeping once more in the wrong bed.

There is hope though.  
Tomorrow night Princess will be once again where she belongs, namely in our bed and in my arms.

Tomorrow could well be the very last time Stella, Star, Princes and I go to "4".

Holga 25 f8 – July 24, 2014

The lens arrived the day before yesterday.  
It is a Holga 25mm f8 plastic toy lens I bought for about 20 bucks on eBay. The lens makes your digital camera a cheap plastic thing.

Like the original Holga 120 film camera I own.

After shooting a few dozens of images with the lens mounted on my Olympus OM-D M10 it is not the same experience as a true film based Holga and that is obvious.  
My film Holga for example leaks light and there is also the grain and other flaws depending on how I process the B&W film.  
Yes, I still develop and scan my own B&W.

So I have this plastic toy lens on my digital Olympus but I've only got the lens imperfections.

It is fun of course but it does not beat the real thing.  
I can chimp and adjust the camera until I'm satisfied with the image. That is the advantage of shooting digital. There are no surprises.

When I use my film Holga I have 12 shots (120 mm film). I have no idea how my images will turn out but after developing and scanning the film.

As a purist I think a toy camera should be a toy camera and thus loaded with film.  
The imperfections of such a lens do not mate well with the perfect capture of an electronic imaging device.

Maybe it is because I know the difference between a real Holga camera and just the lens.  
I do not regret spending the money but this Holga lens won't become my favorite lens. Its use is way too limited.

### REBLOG - Interview With A Dominant - 2014-07-24 09:27

My friend Vile recently interviewed me and the result was posted on his excellent blog The Kinky World of Vile.

Being asked was not only a great honor but also an interesting experience. The questions made me rethink about being a Dom, my past and my relation with Princess.

Thank you Vile.

Originally posted on thekinkyworldofvile

## Interview With A Dominant

_  
Today I am going to talk about a very good friend of mine although we have never met in the future it is my intentions to do so.  
I also have one more guest that I am in the process of preparing questions for another Interview with another Dom.

I also plan on doing several more in the near future.

Franco Bolli has been blogging for some time, and I am going to call him the sensual Dominant of BDSM. Mr Bolli has been on an awesome journey and is now in love with his princess.

If you have not guessed we are total opposites, when it comes to the lifestyle, maybe I could take a few sensitivity classes from him, because I am really lacking in that area I do believe.

Mr Bolli has a way of really expressing himself , in a very calm and sensual way. Which I do find very interesting. I do at times wish I could write as good as the others on here, but I am just me..

_CONTINUE READING _

_

### The Last "4" – July 25, 2014

Yesterday evening Princess and I drove Stella to "4", the mother/baby care unit where Stella and Star spend their first 8 months together.

Stella checked out of "4" almost a year ago but there was still psychiatric follow-up.  
Yesterday was Stella's last appointment.

Princess and I waited while Stella had her chat with her psychiatrist.  
Star needed her bottle and then we went for a walk.

When Stella came back Princess checked the documents the doctor had filled out. She wanted to make sure the right code was mentioned. This code gives Stella access to sheltered employment.

We walked back to the car. I pushed the empty buggy while far behind me Princess and Stella talked and kept an eye on Star who walks already very well. I wanted not only to give them privacy but needed some time to process the impact "4" has had on our and my life.

I have seen Stella at her worst but I know she has been even worse. I have seen Stella grow and exceed herself. My relationship with Princesses daughter has deepened and I gained her trust.

Stella pregnant, baby Star, little Star, babbling Star and walking Star.  
It gave me grandfatherly feelings, a first for me, albeit I know I will never be accepted in that role.

How many times haven't I brought or picked up Stella and Star alone so Princess could do something else or spend more time with her other kids. A one way drive to "4" was some 50'.

Above all it has been very advantageous for our relationship because it made us grow closer to one another and I've always loved being there for Princess, soothing her when she had a difficult moment or did not know how to coop with Stella.

It has been a rough ride, not only for Stella but also for us all.  
Looking back I think that it had a beneficial impact on us all too.

We got in the car and drove away.  
Bye "4", hope we'll never see you again.

A visit at "4" would not have been complete without me taking my special little family to the Quick for delicious hamburgers and fries.

On the way home Stella freaked out about strangers having access to her cell phone. She noticed some images on the phone she hadn't seen before and a number was called she did not know.  
Before dropping her at her place I was able to calm Stella down and help her put everything back in perspective.

Then we went home, Princess and I.  
We made delicious and intense love and afterwards we dozed off into a deep sleep.

This morning I drove Princess to her work.  
In less than an hour I'll be picking her up for our daily walk in the woods and a picnic.

### Another car accident – July 26, 2014

I'm writing this while still feeling somewhat irate. The coffee, cream and sugar, soothing though.

Today's story goes as follows.  
A few months ago we had a few meetings with a coach about Princesses kids and their difficulties accepting me/the situation/mom's boyfriend.

The coach explained that much of their reluctance is born out of anxiety. They feel their mom is spending more time with her boyfriend, that family bonds are loosening and, oh horror, in a few months he is going to move in the house.  
It is all about fear and holding on to what they know and rejecting change. Yet everything changes, it is the nature of things and events to do so.

One of the tips the coach gave Princess was to install a weekly family evening and to have it on a fixed day so they have not only something to look forward to but it is also some kind of anchor point. Don't change the day to often either, only if there is no other way around.  
Princess and I agreed that she would phone me just before going to bed so that the special family evening was one without yours truly casting a shadow over the weekly event.

Bo and Ar have a student room and are rarely at home during the week. Friday seemed the most obvious choice and thus became family day.

Yesterday, Friday evening, Princess phoned me.  
The Boy was out with friends and Kay, Princesses youngest daughter, on camp. Bo and Ar wanted to go out too and asked her mother to see if I wanted to change our Saturday for a Friday.  
I agreed.  
Otherwise Princess would be home alone.

I said yes and picked up Princess at her place.

Just before I could ring the bell the front door was opened and Ar, carrying baby Star, came outside. We were both startled and she turned around and went in the house again and I walked back to my car.

The evening before Ar had texted Princess a few angry messages because Princess was away with Stella and me. Ar can be very violent and I'm not only talking about her use of words. Ar suffers from bipolar disorder and can be very explosive to say the least.

So there I stood behind my car and I saw Ar, carrying Star, coming out again and walking towards me.

Fuck I thought, not knowing how to react or what to do. I remembered the first time we met, in Princesses kitchen, some two years ago. Hell, Ar screaming and yelling at me doing her very best not to hit me.

Then Stella came outside. "Look who's here," she smiled connecting Ar with me. She's good at that, Stella is.

For a brief instant we talked, Ar and I, and when I asked her if she wanted to see the 2' movie I made of Star on the playground she said yes and even commented on it.  
Wow.

Then a car stopped on the driveway and Bo came out the house and mumbled something when she passed me yet trying very hard not to look at me. She left with a friend. Tim something.  
He left the car to say hi to Star but we weren't introduced.

I felt satisfied though.  
After all it was the first real contact with Ar.

We left with my car and brought Stella home where we stayed for almost an hour and a half.  
Stella lost herself once again in nagging about her health.

Anyway, when we arrived at home Princess was exhausted and I was tired too. I loaded "Melancholia", a Lars Von Trier movie but we decided to go to bed.

Before falling asleep we made love and this morning, when we woke up, we made love again.

At little after nine Bo called. Still half asleep I noticed Princess jumping out of bed and say "we'll be there right away."

Apparently while driving back home Tim something had a car accident. It was not his fault but it was a frontal collision.  
Bo wanted her mom to pick her up. I don't think she is physically hurt but it is the second car accident in less than a month and Bo is very emotional. This is bound to leave psychological scars.

We got in my car and I entered the address in my GPS. It was only 4 kilometers from where we were live so we would be there in 10' max.

I guess you all know by now how the story continues?

Princess phoned Bo telling her we would be there right away. Her friendly voice changed into disbelief and then anger.  
"What?" I snapped but I already knew what was going to follow. Bo did not want US to come.

So I drove Princess home, another 10 kilometers away from Bo so Princess could drive 15 kilometers back because that egocentric and stupid b$?%@ did not want us coming to get her.  
On the way home Bo even phoned again asking why it took so long for Princess to arrive!  
Can you believe it?  
How stupid and selfish can one get?

Fuck, Princess and I are together for already 3 years and I make Princess extremely happy. I take care of Star and Stella and yet the other kids who don't even know me hate me and reject me and often do so in a very bad-mannered way. I sometimes even think they don't want their mom to be happy and have a new relation. They want her for themselves, those egocentric kids.

So yes, for a few moments I was very angry.

Not on Princess of course but because the situation had once again exceeded itself in absolute stupidity.  
In my opinion Princess is way too lenient with them and supports their kids in their self-pity and rudeness because they have suffered a great loss.

I dropped Princess at her place so she could drive back for Bo with her car. When we said goodbye and I couldn't stop my tears.  
Once again I felt rejected and deeply hated and this is going on for 3 years and no ending in sight.

When we first met, Princess and I, I respected her kids and felt sorry for their loss and whenever Princess talked about them I listened and cared.  
After 3 years they have lost my respect and everything else I ever felt for them. But when I see them I am polite and that is way more than what they have ever given me.

Later on Princess texted me to tell me she was going to drive Tim to his home near Antwerp, some 34 kilometers further. His car was a total loss.  
And afterwards she took Bo to the hospital as her daughter suffered from muscle pain.

We phoned briefly and once again Princess could not stop searching reasons and excuses for her daughter's ugly comportment.  
Nothing ever changes.

Anyway let us be happy and thankful. The frontal accident could have had far worse consequences. After all a car can be replaced.

No Princess, I am not mad at you. How could I?  
I love you more than anything.

### A Red Cushion – July 29, 2014

In our bedroom she patiently waits for me.  
She is naked and sits kneeled on her red cushion. Red becomes her very well.  
When I enter the room she bows her head, lifts her cupped hands presenting her collar.

"Who are you?" I ask.  
"I am yours, for you to use as you wish, Milord," she whispers.  
"Who am I?"  
"You are Milord, whom I love, serve and pleasure," she murmurs.

I slide the leather belt around her neck and buckle it up.  
With two fingers under her chin I gently lift her head.

Our eyes meet. Hers are so beautiful. They are deep pools of passion, unconditional love and total submission.

She smiles in anticipation of what will come next. She is so very eager to make me happy.

Princess is a very good girl.

### Thoughts - July 30th, 2014

I accompanied Little A. to the family doctor. She hasn't been feeling well lately. Fatigue, headache, listlessly, loss of appetite are just a few of the vague symptoms.  
The doctor asked a few questions, checked her blood pressure and drew some blood.  
We'll know more on Friday.

On our way home I told Little A. it was a sad day for Princesses kids.  
She already knew.  
Kay, Princesses youngest, sometimes chats with Little A. The have been long time school friends. This will end in September though as both girls will go to different schools. Anyway Kay and Little A. are completely different persons too.

So it is a sad day for Princesses kids as it would have been their late father's birthday.  
Obviously Princess took a day off to be with her offspring.  
Stella went to work though. Her relation with her father was different and is one of the reasons Stella accepts me.

Ar wanted to visit his resting place. Bo didn't so all of them will try to find a moment of contemplation to remember and honor their father in their own way with Princess gluing it all together.

There is a 5,45' clip the kids posted on YouTube in his honor. It is a part of a well know human-interest program on television and he was interviewed years ago. He was an artist, a gifted sculptor who welded metal into strange but beautiful human forms. It is strange to see these images, his work. Hearing him talk and laugh, being very creative.

The Boy is almost a spitting image of his father and Bo has also some of his features.

I feel sad for Princesses kid's loss and how they feel, especially today.  
My thoughts are with them.

### Making love again – July 30, 2014

Yesterday evening Princess and I played. The last time was a couple of weeks ago. We had kind of missed it very much.

Although I used only the rubber and the leather whip, my hand and a wooden spatula, it was intense. Using a bamboo stick I introduced the art of caning too. It was much appreciated.

Of course I visited all Princesses attractions. She loves to be taken while leaning over the back of our couch. My hands on her hips, my hand pushing her lower back down to fit my needs or my fist entangled in her hair pulling her head back while I'm pounding her ass or pussy are extra sexual spurs.

Princess came abundantly while I fucked her deliciously thigh ass and her cum splashed over the flagstone floor.  
She kneeled and rested her head on my naked chest while I stroked her hair and we found our breath again.

"Serve me," I asked.  
Princess took my hard cock in her mouth and pleasured me until I had enough. Then I dragged Princess to the back of the sofa again.  
I caned and fucked and caned and fucked and, well, you get the picture.

Soon I felt her pussy quiver around my cock. I knew she was close and ready to ask for authorization to come.

I had this sinister smile and before Princess could ask for permission I bend forward and grabbed her breast pinching the nipple.  
Yes, that is a sure way to heaven for Princess.

Princess squirted and fell on her knees while gasping a few zillion thank you's.

We lay down on the soft foam floor tiles.  
"Ride me," I told her.  
Princess straddled me.  
"Fuck yourself a few orgasms, girl. I want to feel your hot juices run over my belly and balls," I snapped.

Princess went for it.  
Holy cow, she went berserk.  
Princess moved her hips in a relentless pace, her breasts dancing in front of my eyes. I held my hands on her buttocks, occasionally spanking them.

It is so arousing when I feel her cum run over my belly, thighs and balls. The sounds her soaked pussy makes while fucking me is maddening.

She came and, breathless, tried to lie down on my chest but I pushed her back.  
"Get yourself another one, girl."  
I saw despair in her eyes and started moving again.  
Soon another thank you Milord.

"How many?", I growled.  
"4 Milord."  
"I want another one."  
"Please Milord, not the Germany thing."  
"Just one. For now."

She started moving again.  
Hell it was awesome.  
No.  
It was even better.  
It was mind-blowing.  
We came together.

I hollered wolfish when I came deep inside Princess.

Princess dropped in my arms and we kissed.  
I moved an arm around her and then her cellphone started ringing.

Shit happens.  
It was Stella and Princess talked for some 10 minutes with her first-born while I took a shower.  
I must admit that I was a little disgruntled.

In bed I went down on Princess and gave her another one.

We slept but not that deep though. Princess was and is not feeling well and due to her sore throat she snored a little. It is a sound I am not used too.  
But rest assured, I still love her.

This morning we woke up much to early but we had no choice.  
I had an appointment at the garage and she had to pick up Stella and drop her at work, take care of Star and fetch Kay, her youngest, at camp so they could all commemorate their father.  
Before we got out of bed I fucked Princess. I could not help it.  
I kissed her, pinched a nipple or two and bit her lip while I rhythmically speared her.

Trust me, it did not take long before Princess thanked me.

Post Scriptum.  
The Germany thing happened on the evening of September 19th, 2013, in Monschau, Germany. The events really took place and it is not an Urban Legend.  
That evening I was a man with a mission and asked Princess to count her orgasms. I made love to Princess for almost two hours and it all about her pleasure.  
It was all by all a festive moment as the day after we were going to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. Boy was I happy we took the mattress protector with us.

Princess thanked me eleven times before she begged me to stop.

### Moving Staircase – July 31, 2014

A couple of weeks ago I was in the city of Liège in the French-speaking part of Belgium.  
Little A. and one of her BFF's wanted to go shopping at Primark.

While they shopped I visited Liège-Guillemins train station. It is an interesting place to take photographs.

I wasn't very inspired by the place but made a few shots with my iPhone 4s using the Hipstamatic App.

Snille, Micke et al - August 4, 2014

A promise is a promise.  
Little A. had some new stuff for her room waiting for her in a shop of her choice.

Little A. and I started our second part of our month's summer holiday with a visit to Ikea.

She is going to a new school in September and I know she is all but happy about it. Little A. wrestles with a bunch of questions and fears. I told her she is more than welcome whenever she wants to open up to me. I know Little A. to well not to push her.

Her mom decided that Little A. has to go to boarding school because her results over the last year were not that good. Of course my opinion was also asked but rather pro forma. What Ex decides goes and I pay half of the bills.

As time goes by I wonder and then keep wondering... I must have been temporarily insane when I proposed to that woman. There is no other explanation possible.  
Well I walked away having put on the world two wonderful girls so I guess that is my consolation prize.

So Little A. and I went to Ikea and I bought her a new desk and a pink office chair and a lamp. The latter is the first one in Little A's room and replaces the 7-year-old dusty 40-Watt bare bulb.  
Say no more... I know.

Snille

Micke

I spend a few hours putting everything together. Ikea is amazing. Not only is the assembly child's play, over the years I have never had something missing.

I bought a desk lamp for my workbench too.

Let there be light.

Kroby

Thoughts - August 6, 2014

Past Saturday Princess and I took Stella and Star on a day trip to the beach. It was not too hot and we enjoyed the water, the beach and even did a little shopping.

After dropping Stella and Star at their place it was way past 10 in the evening. It was the first Saturday of the month thus Fetish Lounge Club in The Dungeon.

Princess and I were way too tired so we stayed at home and played with rope before turning in.

At noon the next day we drove to Stella's to pick her up. She was in a very bad shape and apparently very down. I could see panic and fear battling in her eyes.  
We took Star with us so Stella could sleep it off.

Then I dropped Princess at her place. Later that afternoon Little A. arrived at my place for another 2 weeks of being together.

Yesterday evening I picked up Princess and then Stella and Star. Princesses firstborn had an appointment with her psychiatrist and we went for a walk with Star and found an empty spot on a terrace where we waited for Stella.

I played with Star for a while so Princess had some private time with her daughter so they could discuss the session.  
When I came back the atmosphere had changed from light-footed to grim.

We stayed for another hour and a half at Stella's place while she lost herself in thoughts about a zillion things. All of them fueled by fear.  
It was depressing, sad and weary and when we left we were both turned up.

Stella needs a lot of attention and care and I've noticed Princess finds it often very hard to coop with it all. Besides, like most people who suffer from a mental illness, Stella is very selfish too.

I am glad I can help Princess taking care of her eldest daughter and happy Stella allows me to do so.

### A visitor – August 6, 2014

What are the odds?  
While I was writing my Thursday's Photograph blog post an uninvited visitor ran over the 27" screen of my iMac. I hope the little critter won't develop in a horrendous and huge 8-legged hairy freak as big as a dinner plate.

I could not resist so I took my camera.

Look Daddy... a spider! – August 7, 2014

I must have been 5 or so.  
One evening my father came home from work with a present for me.

I opened the parcel and found a rubber tarantula. It had a plastic tube inserted in its abdomen and attached to the other end a rubber hand pump.

When you squeezed the pump the spider jumped.  
Wow.

When my mother entered the living room to say hi to my father I joyfully ran towards her.  
"Mommy, mommy, look what Daddy got me," I beamed breathlessly.  
I made the spider jump.

I remember my mother screaming with fear and turning pale. My father took her in his arms and then upstairs.  
It took a while before she came back, still shaking.  
I was way too young to understand what had happened.

The next morning I searched for my rubber tarantula.  
In vain though and being a kid a soon forgot the toy.  
My father had discretely thrown it in the garbage bin.

My parents had been married for 5 years or so and my father did not know my mother suffered from extreme arachnophobia.  
Well, he finally found out, didn't he?

What happened that evening changed my perception of spiders. For years to come I too suffered from arachnophobia albeit not as extreme as my mother did.

A few years ago I started taking close-ups and later macro's from spiders hoping I would get past my phobia.  
I must admit it did help although I still tend to freeze when I'm confronted with a big, black and hairy house spider.

One species I really like are crab spiders. They are small, very colorful and a pleasure to photograph.

Thoughts - August 9th, 2014

Little A. is staying with me and that is fun.

Well, most of the time that is.  
She is very disorganized and I have to say a zillion times a day please clean up behind you.  
Not that it helps though. On one given day she uses at least 5 to 6 drinking glasses. She is way too lazy to go back from to kitchen to her room to get her glass. It is much easier to take a new one.

Little A. is aware of her laziness though and that should be a good thing I guess.

Dish-washing is a no-go zone too.  
It is hard to get her out of the house to do something else than lying in the sofa and watching the television or sitcoms.

Today we went shopping and early this morning we took the train to Antwerp.

Antwerp-Central. Train station.

Where else could we start our day than at Starbucks?

Starbucks.

I can't stroll too much due to low back problems so the biggest part of the day I sat on benches waiting for Little A. while she hopped from one shop to another.

We had fun though and I bought her the skirt she desperately wanted. The main thing is that I made her happy.

I showed Little A. a few interesting places. Antwerp has a very rich history.

Carolus Borromeus Church

It is Saturday so later on I'll be spending the evening and night with Princess.  
Obviously we haven't been playing because of Little A.  
Yet I have the distinct feeling we are not evolving anymore. Not in BDSM play or in D/s for that matter. When I bring up the latter I have the impression Princess does not want to discuss it any further. This is a shame and I have no clue why she is taking distance from the subject. Only a few weeks ago Princess was very positive about what D/s brought to our relation and how she found how benefitting it felt.  
I find it a little unsettling albeit I know it is only my perception of things and maybe I'm just mistaken or reading the sings wrongly.

I've been finding more pleasure in photographing these past few weeks too. I even went out late in the evening to make some long exposure shots.  
The photography bug has bitten me again and I am happy it did. Taking and making images has always been a way to soothe myself.

Woodwork. Carolus Borromeus Church

### Just another evening – August 13, 2014

Yesterday evening I took Princess out for a few drinks. The Café-Restaurant is in the fields near a river and used to be a very old farm. It is a well know place and even crowded it remains peaceful.

We sat outside, Princess and I. When the waiter arrived I ordered two glasses of white wine.

We talked about a zillion things and simply enjoyed each other's company.

It is strange not having the kind of privacy we are used to. For almost a month we have not been able to play. Spanking, whipping or other noisy activities are not possible. Our room is too small to do extensive rope work.

I am not complaining though. It is great to have Little A. around. Next week she'll be gone though, after a month at my place. I already know I'll miss her presence very much.

Back at our place I told Princess to go to our bedroom and make the bed and showcase the 7 panties I had asked her to bring with her.

After a quick shower I entered our room.  
Princess was waiting for me, kneeled at the side of the bed, wearing only a baby doll.  
I spend about fifteen minutes choosing and labeling her briefs so I know what she will be wearing every day till Saturday evening.

"Good girl," I told her while strapping leather cuffs around her wrists.  
I helped her on the bed and pulled her arms behind her head and connected the cuffs with a carabineer.

"Lay still girl."

I got in bed and kissed Princess while drawing up her baby doll.  
Soon I was sniffing her armpits, neck and hair, sucking and nibbling each nipple. I went down, pushing my nose between her legs, sniffling again, then her feet and back to her delicious pussy where I gently bit her clit a few times before kissing Princess again.

With my knee I forced her legs open and pushed myself deep in her wet and yearning core.  
I moved ever so slow, spearing Princess as deep as I could and sliding leisurely back while I bit her neck and ear lobes, still snuffling. It felt so natural when I started growling out of sheer pleasure while I pushed Princess closer and closer to an orgasm.

Princess did her very best not to cum.

I smiled evilly. Hell, I know exactly what my girl needs to fall over the cliff into the oblivion of sexual exaltation.

"Don't come," I warned her and then gently bit her throat. Yes I know I'm bad but I can't help it.  
Princess instantly came and I felt her convulse around my cock while her hot liquid squirted against my thighs.  
She held me so close, kissing my face and mumbling a zillion gentle words of love. Thanked me and kissed me more.

After a while we changed the sheets and opened the window so the fragrance of our love could evaporate.  
I held her in my arms. Later Princess drank me.

We kissed again.  
I love tasting my cum in her kisses.

We slept well, Princess and I, as we always do when we travel through the night together.

Restaurant 't Schipke

### Some thoughts on gea **r** \- August 14, 2014

This is a somewhat longer post than I am used to write for Thursday's Photograph.

The Guy is a colleague, a friend and a keen photographer.  
A few years ago he asked me for advice. At that time he owned a Nikon D70 and wanted my opinion on a few lenses he wanted to buy. In the long run he also wanted to get a full-frame camera.

I told him good glass is everything. A high-end camera with cheap glass is simply a waste of money and a crappy combination.

He took my advice and kept me informed about every new purchase he had made. There was a fast 50mm prime and a few zoom lenses covering wide-angle and moderate tele, all of them high-end Nikon glass.

Obviously the glass did not improve the quality of his images very much. After all the D70 with its 6 MP is 10 years old and image sensors have come a very long way since.

A few months ago The Guy bought the Nikon D800 full frame and this camera has a whopping 36 MP.  
He could not believe his eyes when he saw the image quality, the sharpness and the detail in every frame. I borrowed my crappy plastic Nikon 50mm 1.8 so he could compare it with his expensive Nikon AFS G 50mm 1.4 and of course The Guy was flabbergasted. I had made my case and he thanked me a zillion times because I had pushed him into investing in excellent glass first.  
At the same time The Guy was swept away by the incredible shallow depth of field of his lenses. Yes, the Nikon AFS 50mm 1,4 G is an extremely sweet lens and has a delicious Bokeh.

Then there is me.  
I have a Nikon D300. It is 6 years old and has 12 MP. I own also a few Nikon lenses. They are not too bad but useless on a 36 MP camera.  
Unfortunately I cannot afford high-end Nikon glass let alone a Nikon full frame.

What are my needs?  
I rarely do sports photography but I still have an old Nikon D2h that I combine with a Nikon 24-120mm for that purpose.

Mostly I shoot landscapes, close-up and macro and my printer, a Canon Pixma 9500 Mark II, is limited to 19x13" (A3+). I still have about 10 wooden 19,6 x 19,6" frames with a 11,8 x 11,8" cut-out lying around. I have no intention to create bigger prints.

When I replaced my broken carry-around Canon G10 by a Olympus EPM-1 is was blown away with its image quality, even with the kit lens. I also bought two prime lenses, the highly acclaimed Olympus 45mm f1.8 and the Panasonic-Lumix 20mm f1.7 for a fraction of the price of a Nikon or Canon high-grade lens.

Recently I changed cameras and I now own a 16 MP Olympus OMD E-M10 and I made Little A. very happy with my old EPM-1.

Image quality is superb and I can buy fast primes for a very reasonable price. With the use of an extension ring I can also use Nikon lenses on my Olympus.  
In fact I am sure I can do almost everything with my Olympus The Guy can do with his Nikon D800.

So where is the catch?  
There are in fact several of them.  
The detail encapsulated in the Nikon 36 MP file just blows my Olympus 16 MP file out of the water but I am sure that in overall sharpness there both are almost equal. There is less noise in the Nikon file too.  
On the full frame one has the advantage of the effective depth of field a lens offers so a 45mm will give a much shallower DOF than the same lens on my mirrorless micro four thirds (mft) Olympus. Is this a problem? Maybe for portrait or close-up but not really for the kind of landscapes I like to make.  
High quality lenses are much cheaper too and it is relatively easy to find an adapter for adding Nikon, Canon or even Leica lenses.

The Olympus OM-D E-M10 is smaller and lighter like its lenses so one travels light.  
A few years ago I roamed the beaches of the Opal Coast carrying around 18 kilos of Nikon gear, lenses and a sturdy tripod. All stuffed in a huge Lowepro rucksack.  
For someone like me suffering from lower back pains this was not the way to go.

I haven't weighed my Olympus gear yet but I know the weight is considerable less. The Olympus OMD M-10 with battery, flashcard and the 17mm 2,8 weighs fewer than 500 grams.

I am very happy with my photographic material and so is The Guy with his.  
The most important aspect of creativity is the result and not how or with what tool it is created.

I am sure the way I make photographs would not change if I owned a Nikon (or Canon) full frame but the detail in the images would surely be greater than with the Olympus. What I know is that if we would both make a picture of the same subject his image will have much more detail. It does not matter though except if they both hang next to one another.

Bottom line?  
As a professional photographer I would not hesitate and shop for a Nikon or Canon full frame and some cool lenses. Customers are entitled to the best quality possible.  
I am not a professional and my needs are different. Micro Four Thirds completely satisfies them.

Another visit to The Dungeon – August 17, 2014

Yesterday we went to The Dungeon again. We hadn't visited the place since the end of May when we played with 2 other couples.

Princess and I are member of the Fetish Lounge Club and they organize an event every first Saturday of the month. We missed the two last ones though.

Last week, on Fetlife, I noticed The Dungeon held an Open Play Evening on Saturday.

The Bar is open for the big 18+ public and there is a bouncer too. Albeit there is no dress code visitors are asked to be dressed appropriately and lingerie is allowed. No nudity or sexual acts in the public area is accepted though.

The Dungeon itself is closed but those whom want to play or watch pay 20 euro's per couple and inside everything goes. Men alone pay 20 euro.

When Princess and I arrived, little past ten, the place was still kind of deserted. At the bar I ordered two glasses of white wine and to my big surprise the bartender remembered my name. Cool.

Winch and pillory stock. iPhone 4s image.

For a while we talked, Princess and I. Then Princess told me she was very eager to play so I paid the 20 euros and we entered The Dungeon. To our surprise The Dungeon was deserted. We had the entire room to ourselves.  
Wow.

I collared Princess and after getting her out of her dress I cuffed her. I then guided Princess to a bench and ordered her to bend forward so she could lean with her upper arms on it.

Of course I started slowly with the flogger, warming up the soft skin of her delicious behind. Gradually the blows became harder and I switched to the rubber whip, alternating with the wooden spatula, my hand and the leather whip.

After a while I added some pussy teasing. Princesses undies were soaking wet and it did not take long before she exploded.

I held her shaking body against mine and walked Princess back to the wooden seats and helped her sit down. I could see it had been a good one.

While she was recovering I caressed her skin with a feather duster making her tremble even more.

Then I started rhythmically spanking her pussy with the leather pad of one of my horsewhips. I held Princess in a firm grip constraining her movements.  
Slap, Slap, Slap it went.  
Slap. Slap. Slap.

The sound waves hit the ancient walls of the cellar and echoed back while Princess moaned and I continued spanking her pussy.  
Princess went off like a gun and it came so sudden it even surprised me. The intensity of her orgasm was awesome and she fell back in my arms and whispered a zillion beautiful words to me.

The pussy spanking was a first one and I'm sure I will be doing it again as I kind of like the result.

It was time for more action and I led Princess to the pillory stock. Since our first visit to The Dungeon I had this fantasy where I would fuck Princess while she was imprisoned in it. In my fantasy There would be spectators too. Well, next time.

I pushed her undies down and got my hard cock out. Princess was so very wet, her core longing for me.

Delicious it was, fucking my sweetheart that way while we could hear the chatter of the café visitors in the space next to ours. It seemed to come from another dimension.  
Hell, it added to the experience.

Fetish Cafe - Pillory stock. iPhone 4s image.

Then another couple entered The Dungeon and I stopped with what I was doing just out of respect for them.

I finished the session attaching Princess to the winch and giving her a good whipping and an extra orgasm.

Back in the Café we found a place at the bar and I ordered a couple of soft drinks. We evaluated the scene and Princess told me she had liked it very much but felt that I had held back too much. True but it had been some time since we last played though.

Before we left for home we had two special and fun encounters but I'll write about that in another post.

Back home we made love.  
Boy, it was so very intense.  
Princess and I rock 'n roll.

What I took with me.

### About Princesses Corner – August 17, 2014

Princess does write too. Not that much as I do. After all Princess has a family of 5 kids to care for. There is work and housekeeping and cooking and so on. When Princess has some spare time she is with me.

Princess writes very well and I like her poetry very much. It is raw at times but so very pure, intense and strong.

You can find Princesses writings under the category "Princesses Corner".  
Enjoy.

Two encounters at The Fetish Cafe – August 18, 2014

When we came out of the Dungeon after playing the bar was filled with a cozy sounding hubbub of laughter and soft talking.

Princess and I found two unoccupied bar stools and I ordered soft drinks for us both. The cafe was really crowded. Mostly lifestylers of course; very recognizable by the way they were dressed. There were also the accidental visitors, curious about the lifestyle or simply seeking information.

We noticed a small group of girls, not older than Big A., in their early twenties, enjoying an evening in town. They were shrieking with laughter and feeling quite comfortable in this place where tolerance is a highly valued principle.

A young man entered the bar and stood there for a moment, looking at nothing in particular.  
Then he noticed us.

"Hello, I'm new here, this is my first time at the Cafe. I am curious. What brings you here?" he smiled.  
Wow.  
We talked for a while and he told us he had spent a few days in Sweden attending a tantric workshop and had met , I suppose, a submissive. The experience had marked him and he wanted more.

So I told him why Princess and I are regulars, how we enjoy playing, the added value of watching and being watched and so on. To make things clear I also explained the difference between BDSM and a D/s (or M/s) relation and gave him some useful links.

After a while he thanked us and then dissipated in the crowd.

"You must be proud", Princess whispered. "You just gave some sort of extended interview about the lifestyle," she added with a smile.

"Indeed," I chuckled but the guy hadn't felt right although I still cannot pinpoint why.

We also talked with slave e., one of the Staff members. She is responsible for the Fetish Cafe's website and recently she started a new art project. Every 3 months the Fetish Cafe will present an artist who will be invited to exhibit his/her BDSM/Fetish related work in the Cafe.

Princess and I want to explore BDSM/Fetish photography, it is our common project. Princess enjoys being my model and it gives her a chance to be someone else, like kind of actress. For me it is a challenge as I think I have little to add to the genre. Working together on this venture is also another way to grow closer and incite each other's creativity.

slave e. was interested and asked me to send her an email with a few examples. I have two images I am really proud of on my Fetlife-profile so together with a link to my regular photography website I added the links to these two images as well.

I am really excited and hope I'll be given an opportunity to show off my work.

### Fetish Photography – August 18, 2014

I have a collection of some 3500 BDSM photos on my computer. Shibari, Kinbaku, Dominance, submission, slave auctions...  
Why did I download them to my computer? Because these images touched me in some way I cannot explain.

Some of them I use on my blog, most of them are forgotten and hibernate in a folder. A few I use as an inspiration when I create a scene for Princess and I.

3500+ BDSM images and I am unable to define the genre. Yet I think it is like with all art. You are moved or touched by what you see. It makes you think, contemplate or revolt. Maybe it makes you hot.  
Or sad.  
Whatever.

Do I have something to add to the genre?

To be honest I don't think so. I prefer standing aside and look at what others create. Yet I feel an itch. I want to be part of this. I want to visualize my fantasies and share them through images. Tell a story. Show Princess, show how imaginative I am, how creative. I want to think out of the box, color outside the lines.

It is about translation and thus a challenge.

That is not entirely true though as there is more about it. It is about creativity in its whole. Not only about shooting an erotic image. One has to present the image. To do so one has to learn the usage of new tools.

I am not that fond about the WordPress way of working with images and galleries. I need a tool to present my photographs. This means I have to learn new stuff.

I used Koken and a Raspberry Pi 3.

I have installed the software, made a link to my domain and am now starting to build a Fetish Photography website. It is something new to learn.

You can visit the site and if you like one of the images you can even send it as a e-postcard.  
As for now it is under construction so come back as often as possible.  
Add your comment, observations and so on.

Help us, Princess and I, grow in our creativity.

Now on a website near you... Franco Bolli's Fetish Photography.

### A total makeover – August 21, 2014

Yesterday evening Princess and I accompanied Stella to her doctor. While she was in we went for a stroll in the nearby woods. Little Star walked almost all the way.  
I made some photographs. The light wasn't that bad although it was fading rapidly.

There was this landscape with heather and a beautiful sky but I could not get it in one shot. The dynamic range was way too large for a digital camera to deal with.  
Of course I could have taken multiple shots and do some digital blending. Why not a HDR?

I decided to take one shot and exposed for the sky to avoid clipped highlights.

This is how it came out of the camera and it is a very uninteresting, dull and badly exposed image.

I did some Lightroom magic and then looked in my Skies-folder for a sky that would match. Then I transferred both images to Photoshop. Using mostly blending-techniques, masking and soft brushes I blended the sky into the landscape and went back to Lightroom to complete the image. I always find it hard not do overdo it.

I am not a professional retouching artist but I'm rather happy with the final result. It comes very close to what I saw when I took the shot.  
You can click on the images to open them to their 1024 pixel length.

Landscape with heather

### Claw Paw Back Scratcher – August 23, 2014

Princess is coming over to our place this evening and we have a play date.  
I decided I needed a new toy so this morning I took a train to Antwerp.

I visited my preferred photography store and bought a box with high quality Canson Rag Photographique, ultra-white cotton based archival paper. It feels great and the prints that come out of my Pixma Pro 9500 Mark II are simply gorgeous.

Sadly my preferred paper from Ilford has ceased to exist as the company went bankrupt. The sales guy told me the Bonjet Pearl was an almost near match so I bought a box of 50 sheets.

My main goal though was the Urban Outfitters store. A few weeks ago I visited the store with Little A. but for some stupid reason, maybe it simply was her presence, I didn't buy one.

In a hurry I entered the store. I had about 20 minutes left if I wanted to catch the next train. Otherwise I had to wait for another hour. Not an appealing idea as the weather was quickly changing from sunny but chilly to a menacing dark sky filled with the promise of excessive rain.

I went to the second floor where I had seen them hanging against the wall.

Damn, I could not find them.  
I ran down to the first floor where I had seen another rack.  
Nothing.

Finally I asked for some help. The saleslady told me she thought they were sold-out. Maybe she spotted something in my eyes when she asked me to wait. She walked away, to the storeroom I guess, and came back smiling and waving the item enthusiastically in the air. It was the last one they had.

I thanked the woman a zillion times, paid and walked to the train station.

I checked the departure panels and found the right train. Even before I was properly seated the doors closed and off we went.

So there you have it, the Claw Paw Back Scratcher (57,5 cm extended length).

After climaxing Princesses skin is extremely sensitive to even to a very soft touch. Princess simply adores it when I draw my fingernails over the touchy parts of her delicious body.

Now I have something rougher to play with.  
I sure hope it leaves traces.

This evening Princess and I are going to play.

I have two surprises for my love before we start.  
There is of course the gift wrapped Claw Paw.

It has been some time since we danced Salsa. So we will dance, as foreplay. Princess will wear her black pumps when we move around our living room.

The black pumps will be the only thing she will be wearing.  
Well, except for her collar of course.

Claw Paw Back Scratcher - close up

### A playdate revisited – August 24, 2014

Yesterday I picked up Princess at her place and I gave Stella and Star a lift to their place. I had repaired Stella's laptop. It is old and slow but it still works and does a great job if one has patience. I gave it to Stella almost a year ago so she could surf and stay connected with the world.  
I had an ironing board with me too. It is almost brand new but I don't use it. Stella needed one but she is on a very tight budget.  
So there you go.

At our place I ordered Princess to undress but keep her high heels on. I waited for her in the living room while I prepared two glasses of excellent Shiraz. After a short while Princess walked in the room and stood still in front of me. I took my time looking at her delicious body before I got out of the couch.

I collared Princess.

Then I pushed the play button on the remote of my iMac and there was Celia Cruz with La Vida Es Un Carnival.

We danced the Salsa, Princess and I and it was great although we both felt a little rusty. I was great being fully clothed, in black of course, and holding Princesses naked body in my arms.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nBFWzpWXuM>

When the song was finished I gave Princess her glass.

"Be seated," I told her, pointing at the church chair.

I sat down on the sofa opposite to Princess.  
We talked and sipped from our wine while now and then I made a 'ahum' kind of noise reminding Princess she had to keep her legs spread for me all the time.

Princess opened her present and was pleasantly surprised with the backscratcher.

After a short while I got up and took Princesses hand and led her to the other sofa where I ordered her to bend down over its backside.

Warming up, flogging, whipping, spanking and some caning followed before I grabbed a rubber and took Princess the way she likes it very much. It always flabbergasts me she can cum that way but once again it was intense and very wet.

We made love and fucked for almost 4 hours and believe it or not, Princess orgasmed at least 12 times. They were not all equally powerful of course. The ones she got when she was riding me, where I held her throat in firm grip, were the real strong ones and she even squirted twice.

Princess and I took five and then she turned on her belly and asked me to whip her.

I know how difficult it is for her to ask this and I told her I appreciated her courage.

For what seems an eternity but was merely 20 minutes I whipped her harshly with the leather whip while I masturbated.

I stopped when she orgasmed and it felt as a huge physical relief to her.

Before we went to bed Princess voraciously drank me.

Did the backscratcher live up to its expectations? Yes and no.  
It was of course fun to use this new and rather original toy but it can't beat the personal touch when I gently scratch Princesses post coital skin with my fingernails. It makes the scratcher a fun gadget and useful at some moments as it extends to almost 2,5 foot.

We slept well, Princess and I, like we always do.

This morning we woke up feeling very happy and connected. Naturally we made love before we got out of bed. I picked Princesses panties and labelled them accordingly so I know what she will be wearing in the next couple of days. Princess is covered with marks. Bruises and bite marks on her shoulders, bruises on her behind and two bite marks on her throat.

We drove to Stella but she was not feeling well. Star was crying because she was hungry and while food was prepared Princess did Stella's dishes. She hadn't done them since at least past Thursday.  
Stella decided to stay home so we took little Star with us for Princess to babysit.

I dropped Princess off at her place and while she carried Star if carried her clothes and the box with her freshly made dinner.

Ar came outside completely ignoring me and took a howling Star over from Princess. She then ostentatiously turned her back on me and stood there for a short time before walking away. Ar is 20 and a high-school student so I gather she is fully aware of the meaning and consequences of her acts.

My blood pressure sky-rocked. I cannot say or do anything. I said goodbye to Princess and left.

It is almost 9 in the evening and I do not know yet how I feel. What I do know is that I feel intense frustration and anger and it has kept me company all afternoon.

I am mad too but I have no idea whom should be the victim of my anger. The only things I know is that after 3 years I am getting fucking tired of being humiliated by those egocentric and intolerant kids. I am sick to the stomach of being told by Princess I must understand because they lost their father. Yeah, that gives them the right to be rude.

But I am very mad as I see how Princess does not react, how she lets her partner be put down, humiliated by her offspring. I have the impression Princess hasn't a clue how it feels, what it does to me.  
I am really getting fed up with this situation as there seems no end to it.

A television program on BDSM – August 25, 2014

I don't use Fetlife much. I am subscribed to a few threads like Antwerp BDSM and I also like to check the activities the Fetish Café has planned.

A few days ago I clicked on a URL embedded in a new forum post and I was taken to an article on Upworthy.com titled "Some Think It's Just Plain Kinky, But The Amount Of Trust This Lifestyle Takes Is Staggering".

Yeah, that sounded interesting so I read it and sort of agreed with the article.  
Way too many people think "50" is a BDSM handbook.  
Of course it is not. At its best it is an interesting love story with a kinky yet unrealistic twist.

"50" mainly made sales of BDSM paraphernalia skyrocket and brought the lifestyle under the attention of the big public. Suddenly everybody had an opinion about something they were not aware existed before they had read the book(s).  
It makes you wonder if all those new adepts to the lifestyle know what they are doing.  
Maybe they use their new toys only to spice up their sex life. There is nothing wrong with that.  
Whipping your partner is not enough to be called a Dom, Master of BDSM guru though. Like keeping a goldfish does not make you a marine biologist.

Amongst other things BDSM is about trust and real communication skills. And let us not forget safety and consent.

The article on Upworthy.com comes with a link to a television program. It was aired on the E! Network some time ago. I have no idea about the seriousness of this network but I appreciated the program enough to share it.

Kudos to the couples who were interviewed as it takes courage to come out of the closet. Sadly even in 2014.

I appreciated the fact the couples' daily jobs are mentioned so your average Joe does not think we, BDSM and D/s lovers, are psychopaths, freaks or otherwise mentally depraved.

There was a Domme/sub couple with a refreshing story. I was pleasantly surprised finding out the male sub was an US Marine. Isn't that great, to be able to be yourself in spite of who you are to the outside world? Double kudos to him.

I really loved the story of Smitty and Grace who enjoy a 24/7 D/s relation. Like the other couples interviewed they share so much love and respect.

I did not finish the video yet but I will so this evening.

Where we are now – August 26, 2014

I am a very happy man.  
I am extremely fortunate too. Not to mention exceptionally rich.  
My happiness and richness has a name.  
It is Princess.

There are 20 days left before Princess and I leave for a week's holiday. Five days later we will celebrate our 3th anniversary.  
Wow.

Princess and I have an incredible, intense and profound love life. BDSM has added so much spice, trust, devotion and pleasure to our erotic life.

Over the past 3 years Princess and I have grown, not only as individuals, as a couple but in the lifestyle too. Princess and I are in many ways one. I like that.

We support, trust and respect each other. Help each other out.

Spending time with Princess is a gift even when we are doing something mundane like driving the car. We don't always need to talk and I guess we are very in touch with our partner's inner persona.

Our relationship is growing continuously.  
Princess and I discover even more aspects of BDSM. We experiment with them and integrate the ones we like. All of this with respect for our hard limits.

D/s dynamics are developing too albeit much slower. It is not that easy to carry out as we don't live together. We try though, mostly with fun stuff but there are moments Princess really relies on me as her Dominant. I love taking care of Princess in every way I can and it feels extremely gratifying doing so.

A full D/s relation, in my humble opinion, would be the cherry on an already delicious cake that our relation is.  
I am convinced we, Princess and I, both desire such an intense commitment.

### eBook Thursday's Photograph - Volume 2 (July & August) – August 27, 2014

August is running to its end. Time to publish another volume of my Thursday's Photograph blog posts.

Volume 2 with the July and August posts is now available for free. You can download the EPUB at Smashwords when you follow THIS LINK.

For this cover I made a photo of some of my gear. In Photoshop I removed the background and added a layer with a paper like structure. Using Multiply I blended both layers and then played around until I got the titles the way I liked them.

As always I welcome positive and constructive feedback.

### Sand Yacht – August 28, 2014

Every time when I visited the French Opal Coast I restricted myself to the coastal road (D940) from Calais to Boulogne-sur-Mer and back. There was enough to see, to explore and to photograph.

On only one occasion I went further down the coast and ended at Hardelot Plage. I parked my car on a remote road near the beach. There were other cars parked and most of them had a trailer wagon attached.

The beach was almost deserted. It was low tide. No breakwaters. It was a bright and sunny august day. I noticed a few bunkers, remainders of the Atlantic Wall. Some of them half sunken away in de loose sand. Far away I saw some sand yachts zooming over the beach.

I set up my tripod near one of the bunkers, my Nikon mounted with a 10mm wide-angle and a slow shutter speed dialed in. Not as slow as I would have liked but back then I did not own neutral density filters yet.  
I made an image and then noticed a sand yacht approaching.

Patiently I waited until he was where I wanted him and pushed the shutter button. Due to the slow shutter speed the sand yacht is slightly blurred giving it the impression of speed. I could only make one shot as the guy driving the sand yacht called it a day.

I packed my gear and walked leisurely back to my car.  
I pushed my car key in the keyhole and felt how it did not go in all the way.

I then noticed somebody had tried to force the lock albeit there was nothing of value visible. They hadn't succeeded though. I looked around and noticed some of the cars had been broken open.

For a long time after I had to unlock the passenger's door so I could open the door at the driver's side.  
At that time I was paying my divorce lawyer and did not have enough money for repairing such a trivial thing.

### About memories – August 29, 2014

August is ready to leave the building. September is queuing up and with it back to school and fall. Our holiday is in 17 days.

Past Wednesday we ended summer holidays in beauty, Princess and I. It was sunny and warm when I picked her up at work for what was probably going to be our last picnic of the year. Although windy and chilly at moments we enjoyed our time together. Those 40 minutes are a mixed bag though. They seem to fly and yet they feel like an eternity.

This late afternoon I went back to the woods. I had downloaded the Hyperlapse App by Instagram and was eager to try it.

The woods was what I came up with and I made two Hyperlapse movies showing the spots where Princess and I picnicked so many times this summer.

Nothing ever ends. It merely changes.  
Most flowers are gone but there are seed pods everywhere. Mushrooms. Everything is being put in place, ready for next spring.  
I felt sad though and I would have loved having Princess at my side. Being together, holding hands and talking about the summer and the moments we had.

We are to young though, Princess and I, to talk about that stuff. There is so much in front of us, waiting to be discovered.  
Yes, Princess and I are gathering memories and that is good.

But let's save them up for the day, in a faraway future I hope, when looking forward is not an option anymore.  
When time has come to look back on what lies behind us.  
When we are ready to say goodbye knowing we had the best of times, Princess and I.

<http://youtu.be/gC4KVqkvRdw?list=UU7X-iO2WZK1lOKykVdH_vzA>

### About sons, brothers and whisky - August 29, 2014

Years ago, I was still married and all, I left my hairdresser with a clean-cut. I guess that is why one goes to the barber.  
Approaching my car I noticed the front, the driver's side, was slanting a little. Fuck, a flat tire.

It took me about half an hour to fix it. The underground was loose dirt and I was glad to find a flagstone so I could use my jacking equipment in all safety.

While I changed the tire the barber's son, 6 or 7 then, watched me closely, asking a few questions why I was doing what I did. It was fun and I am not talking about changing the tire. Fuck that.

As far as I can remember that was the only time I ever kind of felt sorry I did not have a son. Trust me, I would have hated taking my kid to football or something likewise. I feel quite at ease surrounded by women. But chicks are what they are and sometimes a man needs a conversation with his son.

Except for my two daughters and an estranged sister I have no family left. It does not bother me.

Well, at times I can become quite emotional when it comes to my father. He died 42 years ago but I still miss him.

Imagine a fairy would grant me 10' with one of my departed family members I would not hesitate for a second. It would be without a shadow of a doubt my father.

Yes I know, the man is covered with 42 years of good patina. Bad memories are faded into oblivion and only the positive stuff remains.  
There is of course more to it. He missed so much and I needed him at my side so many times. Boy do I wish I could hear his approval when it comes to Princess.  
Hell, he loved my mother in such an intense way she stayed alone for the rest of her life. She was not able to betray their love with another man. Isn't that beautiful?

Although there world vision is very different of mine I like Princesses parents. She has a few sisters and I like them too.

I particularly like Princesses brother and I like to think we have a connection.  
Tomorrow is his anniversary and we are of course invited.

Ar and Bo are not coming. University and high school second chance exams. Kay, Princesses youngest dislikes me more than anything so she said no.

The Boy wanted to come but did not like the idea me driving the car, Princess sitting next to me, and he relegated to the back seat. The Boy would have considered tagging along if Princess drove her/my (?) car and I was seated behind.  
That my friend is not going to happen.

I find it sad to see how after 3 years Princesses kids still dislike me so much. I am at a point I don't care that much anymore though. But it still hurts.

Princess asked me to find a birthday present for her brother. It is not that easy though. It is about pleasuring someone. Not about a budget.

I like her brother very much but I don't know him that well.  
Last year we gave him a bottle of Laphroaig. It was Quarter Cask peated single malt whisky and he loved it.

So I looked around and found a great present.

Belgium has two brewers who are courageous enough to venture in whisky making. Duvel, one of Belgium's strongest beers has a young whisky but I don't like it that much.

The brewery with the Golden Carolus won the silver medallion on the 2014 International Wine and Spirit competition with their Golden Carolus Single Malt whisky.

So Princess and I bought a presentation box with a few beers and a bottle of single malt whisky.

Stella who is of course coming with us has a bottle of Shiraz as a present.

### Thoughts - August 31th, 2014

Little A. spend the afternoon with me. We didn't do much though. She simply likes to share the same space and watch a movie on her laptop. I guess it is about coziness and quietness. I can imagine Little A. does not find that a lot at home. Ex is a full blood Sicilian and very zappy. Big A. and Ex have the same character traits so between them there is always some kind of noisy conflict going on.

Speaking of Big A. After two months as an au pair in Italy she came back past Monday. I haven't seen her since but I received 4 text messages. One to inform me of her arrival, two asking me to get her a new mobile phone and one this noon replying me she didn't have time to spend with me. Yes, I had asked if we could do something together.  
So be it. I can't do a thing about it. She is old enough, almost 21, to make her own decisions and being held accountable for them.

Yesterday Princess, Stella, Star and I enjoyed our afternoon at Princesses brother place. He was excited with the present we got him.  
A few kids taught me how to do (very simple) stuff with Rainbow Loom bands. Princess sat next to me whispering in my ear I should make a collar for her. When the kids opened a box with small cubicles, each with a letter, she smiled. I could almost see myself spending countless evenings, cursing and grousing, weaving a zillion bands and getting the letters in them as well.  
There was a cold buffet and the homemade cake was delicious. It was warm and cozy and I like Princesses family, especially her brother.

Stella wasn't very well though and the bustle made her nervous. We left little past eight and dropped Stella at her place.

Princess and I had planned going to The Dungeon after the party but we finally stayed at our place. I didn't want to drive another hour and needed some quality time with Princess. And to be honest, with school starting again and our holiday already peaking around the corner, we need to cut expenses.

I opened a bottle of Shiraz and we talked for a while.

Then I got some rope.

Princess loves elephants. While taking a break writing this post I noticed one of the clouds slowly taking the form of an elephant.

### Playing at home – August 31, 2014

###

So we decided to stay home Princess and I. Her brother's birthday party had been fun but it was late now. I didn't feel like driving another hour to Antwerp. All I wanted to do was spend some quality time with Princess.

I opened a bottle of Shiraz and for a while we talked. About the party, the fact her kids had refused tagging along because of my presence.

I selected the playlist "Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album". It is a must have even if you are not into 50 Shades (like us) of not into BDSM or even hate sex.

Then I got some rope.  
"Undress," I told Princess.  
"All of it?" she asked.  
"No, only your dress. You can keep bra and panties."  
"Kneel Princess."  
"Yes Milord."

I sat behind her and unhooked her bra. Then I grabbed her wrists and with the bite of the rope between my fingers I made a single column tie with her arms in front of her bosom and after 10 minutes of sensual rope play I finished the reversed box-tie with a crotch-tie.

I played with the rope leading between Princesses thighs to her back, pulling and tugging it making sure it was touching the right spots.

When she was near climaxing I stopped and played with the Claw Paw backscratcher but is was meanly the Wheel of Pain that she felt very enjoyable.

For at least half an hour I tugged the rope, switched from the Wartenberg Wheel and back. I finished it off with my hand and Princesses climax was an intense one.

I slowly untied Princess, she loves the touch of jute on her skin, and then I surprised her by wrapping the rope quickly around her throat a few times and choking her gently and in a very controlled way. I rubbed and spanked her pussy and in less than a minute she came squirting.

It is one of her buttons that lead directly to intense and very wet if not squirting orgasms.

I finished the evening by ordering Princess to roll over on her belly. It was already late so I used the rubber whip. It does not make much noise but it is very efficient. Fun too as you can use the soft strands to caress an already very sensitive skin.

Princess came once again extremely wet and I held her in my arms for a long time.  
Then we showered and went to bed.

Yes, we slept well, Princess and I.

Wheel of Pain

### We wanted too but finally didn't – September 3, 2014

Tuesday is our Q-time evening in the week. We go to the movies, watch one at home or play. In fact we play most of these evening.  
Yesterday I thought of a scenario involving some mind fucking.

While driving home from work Princess texted me. She had screwed up her agenda. Stella's visit to her psychiatrist wasn't next week. It was this evening. Princesses eldest daughter isn't doing very well and her shrink sees her now every two weeks.

So Princess and I spend time with Star while Stella was seeing her doctor. Star enjoyed herself at the playground, walked in-between us, her little arms up, her fist firmly around my index finger.

We drove Stella home and then went to our place. It was past ten and way too late to play.

So we talked, Princess and I, and we drank white wine. But first I read her a beautiful and intense post written by Jade.

We talked and Princess told me stuff that was intense and made me very happy. Mostly she talked about our D/s relation, about how she saw its evolution. Her wishes and her questions where so deep and so pure. We talked about the future of our D/s relation, about being owned, serve, pleasuring and so many other stuff. Very important too, what it meant for Princess being a submissive. Her needs, her wishes.

Princess gave me so much feedback and information I am still processing it, giving it a place in our near and far away future. I'll be writing about it too but give me a few days.

All I can say is that we are much more compatible than I thought and we both crave for the same.

Princesses leather collar.

### Screwed by a screw – September 4, 2014

This afternoon I went for a walk in the woods at Kruiskensberg. Due to different types of soil one can find almost every common type of mushrooms.

I made about 15 great and good shots with my Olympus OM-D E-M10. The LCD screen tilts making it very easy to make shots from a very low viewpoint.

Mostly I used my Fujian 35mm f1,7 CCTV lens with a macro extension ring. I bought this lens for 25$ on eBay. Stopped down a little the lens is very sharp in the middle but the edges tend to get blurry. Well, that adds to the image so I don't mind.

A few weeks ago I bought a second-hand Olympus 40-150mm. It came low-priced and albeit not the tele zoom lens I want it is a great performer. It will do for the time being until I can afford better material.

I like to do macro photography so on eBay I purchased also a set of extension tubes. They came very cheap and don't fit that well.

There is a little screw on the side where the lens is mounted. This screw drives a small pin that fits in the lens mount. With the screw the lens is released from the tube. Not a very failsafe system but it works.

I mounted the extension ring on my 40-150mm and made some shots. One can keep some distance from the subject and thus this is great for dragonflies and so on.

When I wanted to get the macro extension tube from the lens I noticed the release screw was gone. It wasn't in my bag or on the ground. It probably got lost when I used the extension tubes a few days ago.  
Fuck!

It was impossible the get the extension tube from the lens. Its mount is made from plastic so I did not want to use too much force.  
Triple fuck!  
I gave up and continued my walk.

Back home I tried everything I could think of. I inserted a small screwdriver in the tiny hole but that did not work. A similar looking screw didn't do the job either.  
I considered leaving it on and use the telephoto lens as a macro lens. Fuck, I didn't like the idea. I needed the lens for landscape work.

Finally I got my drilling machine. I hadn't used the thing for ages. In fact I am not very handy.

I found a small drilling bit for metal and started boring in the hole where the missing screw went.  
I went slowly as I did not want to break the lens in any way.

The small drilling bit didn't do a good job so I switched to a bigger one. The aluminum got hot and I feared some chips would damage the lens. Finally the locking mechanism broke, the metal pin released and I could get the extension tube from the lens.

### D/s, Princess and I – September 4, 2014

Past Tuesday we didn't play. Instead we drove Stella to her psychiatrist and during the consultation we took little Star for a walk. Stella is now seeing her doctor every two weeks instead of every month. A sign even her shrink feels Stella is not well.

It was way past 10 when Princess and I arrived at our place. I poured two glasses of chilled white wine and we sat down in the sofa.

Princess told me she had been searching the Net for a discrete and inconspicuous collar to wear (almost) daily. It was very hearth warming to hear and it made me so happy Princess wanted to go even further in our developing D/s relation. What she told me was way beyond my expectations.

A few days ago Princess had expressed her wish she could wear a collar during our week together. I liked and like the idea very much.  
She can't wear her play collar in public as it is far too apparent. Yet I don't want to hurry and buy something on-line. I want to choose this jewel with Princess at my side. I don't want to receive a box and find it is not what I expected and have Princess wait while I send it back and all that shit.

Such a day collar is not about submission per se but about unconditional love, intense trust and feeling owned too. For Princess it has the same symbolic value as a wedding ring.

Princess likes it very much when I take things away so she can concentrate on simply being happy and loved when we are together. Some decisions or actions she needs to do and then I send her an email with To Do's and every item is well documented so she does not need to search for a phone number or any other information.

Princess makes decisions all day long, both at work and at home. So when she is with me she feels very comfy knowing I am in charge.

So our D/s relation has taken a new step.  
I am thrilled by the idea.

But I'll have to make a few minor changes to myself.  
I find it extremely rewarding to pleasure Princess in any way I can and I love to take care of her. That will not change but in the process I tend to ignore myself. Doing so I ignore Princesses wish to please me and no, I am not talking about sex.

Princess told me she yearned for things to do for me that made me happy. I had never given it any thought. Making her happy makes me happy, that's all that is to it.  
But when you give it some thought she is right. Doing something for your partner knowing it makes him/her happy is a whole different experience.

I like it very much when I am sitting on the couch and Princess sits or kneels at my feet, her head resting on my thighs whilst I gently pet her. Such a moment engulfs me with so much coziness, tenderness, love and joy. Yet I rarely ask her to sit at my feet.

So there are small things I will be asking her. Stuff that makes me happy but I never ask because I am always so busy making Princess happy.  
I simply forgot not only myself, but ignored the fact she needs to pleasure too.

It is a slow process that we, Princess and I, are discovering. A great experience it is and it brings us even closer.

For us it is a natural process too because we both know who we are and how we want our roles to be in a more elaborate D/s relation.  
We only need to do some fine-tuning.

### To pee or not to pee – September 7, 2014

We had an awesome Saturday evening/night and Sunday morning, Princess and I. It was hot, wet, sexy, sensual, erotic and ground breaking.  
Hadn't Princess told me past Tuesday she also wanted to open up to my special needs? How she wanted to know she was pleasuring me instead of us both? Be used for my private pleasure?

I had given it much thought and had picked one of my fantasies. I would finally make it happen and I knew it would make me extremely happy, this intense act of humiliation.  
And I would not breach a hard limit.

In fact we don't have that many. Needles, poop and sharing are the only ones that spring to mind and I'm pretty sure the first one won't be an issue if I ever decide otherwise.

We started the evening at our place with some wine while I showed Princess a Shibari performance I particularly like. Wykd Dave and his Clover do it on music by Philip Glass. It is simply awesome and their emotions so very genuine and intense.

Then I ordered Princess to stand. I blindfolded her and started fondling her, squeezing her tits and buttocks. Running my hands over her body and making sounds of approval.

I helped Princess out of her dress and bra. The first thing I did was a basic tie to bring her in the mood. I made a two-column tie at her ankles and then laced up to her waist where I secured the rope and continued with a box-tie.

After untying I stood behind Princess and pushed my knee in the hollow of her knee. It is a sign for Princess to kneel. A rough one and even more when I hold her by her hair.  
But that is the way we both like it.  
Rough.

I helped her on her back and tied Princesses ankles to a bamboo pole. It is a quick and very effective tie and an ideal leg spreader.

A two-column tie around her wrists was finished off with a carabineer through the bight and attached to a rope tied around the leg of our table.

I use the carabineer simply for safety reasons.

The only thing I could not do was attach the bamboo pole to something. Princess could still move her spread legs up and down.  
Then I pulled her panties halfway down her thighs.  
What a delicious sight, my love lying at my feet, tied up so very helplessly.

Princess trusting me a zillion%.  
Wow.

I was glad she could not see my devious smile though.

There is nothing I like more than playing with her body. Playing with pleasure, with pain, making intense compositions.

Of course the harsh pussy spanking made her cum.  
Spanking her breasts seemed a very enjoyable experience too leading her to orgasm two.

The fingering and pinching of her womanhood gave her a third orgasm.

Yesssss!  
She was ready but unaware what she was ready for.

"Princess?"  
"Milord?"  
"I am going to pee on you. It is something I always wanted to do."  
"Oh my!?"  
"Trust me, I'll target your belly but some drops may get in your hair or on your face."  
"........"  
"Are you okay with this?"  
"I want to serve you Milord. I want to pleasure you. Use me at your will."  
Princess is a good and obedient girl.

I got up and positioned myself over Princesses lower body making sure she was aware of my feet pushing at each side of her body.  
"Are you ready?"  
"Uhu Milord," Princess replied hesitantly.

It splattered on her body and I made all the right noises and I noticed how her whole body got goose bumps.

Cunning as I am I moved up to her breasts and I noticed her fear for getting it on her face.  
Or even worse... in her mouth.

With a few last drops I finished peeing and kneeled down next to Princess and dried her with a bath towel.  
Princess is an open book and I could read her mind. O my god... my hair. And he dried me but there is still pee under my back.

I thanked her giving her an intense orgasm.  
"I would like another go," I told her.  
"Must you Milord?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay then."

Once again I made sure she felt my feet at both sides of her waist and there was not so much pee of course. I am not a superhuman.

I thanked Princess with a harsh whipping of breasts, thighs and pussy (and an orgasm) before untying her and holding her in my arms. The poor thing was shivering and clearly overwhelmed with emotions.

We discussed the peeing aspect of our play. Finally she didn't find it that awful. Hell, it had pleasure me and that was enough to make Princess happy.

The idea having pee in her hair and under her back did not make her happy but overall she liked the experience and it had turned her on more than she had expected.  
Or wanted to admit.

It was my first attempt to mind fuck Princess and I succeeded with a straight A+.

I brought her in the right mood.  
Then I created an expectation.  
Pushing my feet against her body underlined I was standing over her.  
She knew I wanted to pee over her body.  
So when I tilted my Ikea glass carafe filled with body temperature tap water moving it so it seemed the falling water was, well, pee. And Princess bought it.

Mindfucking is awesome and very powerful.  
As with everything in BDSM one should be very cautious.  
Know your partner and never, ever, do stuff that heats up their phobia or other fears.  
Things can go very wrong.  
If used right the sky is the limit.

Being there – September 8, 2014

When Princess and I left Stella past Saturday evening we knew the night was not going to be a peaceful one for Stella.  
Sadly since weeks none of the evenings have been good ones for Stella.

Stella is really not doing well and baby Star has returning respiratory problems.

It was concerning to see how Stella had no idea if she had already given Star's antibiotics. Chaos and fear reign.  
Luckily Princess had kept track. She had been at Stella's place at least 4 times already.

When I arrived at 8 Stella went outside to take a break on her terrace. Princess told me her firstborn was over stressed because her sisters had visited her and she had received way to many stimuli.

We took care of Star and when Stella reappeared she said hi and told me she was sorry for her behavior. That was not necessary. I really have an idea how she feels.

So we left Stella's place and drove to our place. We did not go to Antwerp to attend the monthly Fetish Lounge. It costs and school just started and we are going on holiday.

We enjoyed a glass of wine and then we played.

I had Princess tied up, lying on the floor, when her iPhone buzzed.  
Stella.

I handed the phone over to Princess and she talked with her first-born.  
Then I noticed hopelessness in her eyes when Princess handed me the phone. It was a gesture of surrender.

She did not say a word but I knew she had given up and wanted me to find a solution.

Stella was not crying, she was screaming with a mixture of fear, heartache and fear to the Nth power.

Her arm felt a little numb and she felt an uncomfortable tingling. You know, a sleeping arm or leg.

In Stella's head she was slowly getting paralyzed and she was convinced she would wake up the next morning with a black and dead arm.  
It was heartbreaking to hear and I felt powerless and did not know what to say. Not that it mattered though. Stella was too far gone to be open to anything reasonable.

"I am expecting my mother to come over now and stay the night with me," she said and then the connection was broken.

So I told Princess going to Stella and pass the night with her was useless. It would sooth her, definitively. But only for one night and the next evening the demons would be back and it would be like that next evening. And soon Princesses only option would be living with her daughter.

A real solution, if possible, was really something to strive for. So I told Princess there was only one thing to do. Take it or leave it was no option anymore.

I urged Princess to contact Stella's psychiatrist and talk about her concerns, the impact on the family. Stella's fears and worries, things I am almost sure Stella does not discuss with her doctor. Maybe I am exaggerating but I have the impression medicine is Stella's religion.

Sunday morning we went to Stella's to pick her up. She was mad and almost threw us out.

Sunday went by and when Princess phoned me it was 10 pm or so.

Apparently during the day Stella had not answered any of Princesses calls.  
Then one of Princesses daughters visited Stella and had the impression baby Star had lost a lot of weight and was pale and so on.

So when Princess phoned me she was ready to pick up Stella and Star for a visit to ER. Princess needed me but was aware it would not be a good idea. There was need for some serious mother-daughter talk.

Obviously I didn't sleep very well as I was worried about baby Star.

Princess texted me this morning and informed me Star was okay. Stella made up with her mother but when she found out Star was released from ER she got mad again.

It is something Princess said to me a long time ago... Stella can only be really okay when surrounded by doctors. It is her natural habitat.

This Monday evening, after a busy day at work, I noticed Princess had sent me an email to thank me.

Princess had found the courage to phone Stella's psychiatrist and she had an appointment, together with Stella, this evening.  
I am happy Princess did what she did but I am even more relieved Stella's psychiatrist is aware there is a real problem with Stella and made time for them.

Don't thank me Princess because you did it. You took the steps. I only gave you the tiniest of pushes.

I am here for you and I always will be.  
I am so very proud of you.  
I love you, Princess.  
Yours for eternity,  
Milord.

Collaring Princess – A small token – September 9, 2014

After work I walked to our local jewelry story. There are several in fact, all in the main street. I prefer Indigo because they make their own jewelry and each piece is unique. They have the stuff I like.

Princess has very elegant and fragile wrists so I had a piece of thin jute rope in my pocket. I had measured it using Princesses leather cuffs.

I feared choosing would not be easy. Yesterday evening I saw two pieces I liked very much.  
Choosing was easier than I had anticipated though.

The one I liked the most was way too blatant and shiny. Princess is a natural beauty so she does not need showy stuff on her. And it was not the kind of jewelry one chooses to wear every day.

Finally my second choice became my first.  
It is simply a small gift to mark our 2nd holiday and our 3rd anniversary. It is not a collar but the next best thing.

It is a small token of how our relation has shifted. Within it lays also a promise.  
I am sure Princess will be very happy and proud with it.

Collaring Princess – Betrothal – September 10, 2014

I like the taste of this word.  
Betrothal.

Yesterday evening I took Princess out.

When we arrived I held the door open for my love.  
I always do.  
My father was a true gentleman so I not only honor Princess but also his legacy.

I led Princess across the restaurant to the terrace.  
It was still comfortable outside.  
The early evening with the changing colors in the sky and the uninterrupted view on the hazy fields added all up to a very romantic atmosphere.  
Princess could even vaguely hear the rippling sounds of the nearby river.

The waitress came to our table with the menu but I told her we had already decided. I ordered to glasses of white wine.  
Princess smiled. She likes it when I take or am in control.

For a while we talked about her day at work and discussed her visit with Stella to the psychiatrist the evening before yesterday.

As we clinked our wineglasses we knew this was going to be a memorable evening.  
Of course Princess had read my blog post and seen the image of the gift.  
She had no idea what it contained though and assumed I would give it on our anniversary date, next September 20th.

"You wished you could wear a collar during our holiday and thereafter," I told her.  
Princess smiled shyly making her look even more gorgeous.

"Getting a day collar is something I do not want to rush. I want you to have something beautiful. Your wish to move to a full D/s relation is a priceless gift and a commitment we both engage in."  
I took her hands in mine and lost myself in her gaze. It was truly a magical moment.

"So for the time being Princess I offer you an engagement collar for you to wear until I wed you with a true Collaring Ceremony."

We were both intensely moved and felt so close to one another.  
Above our heads a couple of small bats, dark shadows against a dying late summer sky, danced a flying ballet.

"I have chosen a very discrete piece of jewelry yet it is very appropriate and a daily reminder of our commitment."  
I could hear Princesses heartbeat while she looked at me breathlessly.

"I promise to take care of you, to love you for all eternity. I will honor you and respect your feelings and fulfil all your needs. You, Princess, belong to me as I belong to you. You are a part of my body, my heart and my soul. Princess, my love, you are a part of me and of my destiny. I will always be there for you and with you."

It rendered Princess speechless but I could read everything she wanted to say in her eyes.  
I took the gift out of my pocket and gave it to Princess.

"For you, Princess," I whispered.  
"Are you sure you want to give it here?" she asked. "I wish I could kneel for you while I accept your gift."  
"Please Princess, open it", I smiled. "This is a perfect place and such a romantic moment to renew our engagement on a whole different level. Don't you agree?"  
Nervously Princess opened the parcel.

I guess she had not expected this in her wildest dreams.  
"This is so beautiful," she told me handing it over to me. "Please Milord, fasten it for me."

I trembled doing so and it is indeed a stunning piece of jewelry and matches perfectly with her engagement ring.

Princess now proudly wears an engagement collar. It is a real collar but a small one to be worn as a bracelet.

Then we went home, Princess and I.  
At our place I gave Princess a much-needed whipping. It relieved her from all the stress that had accumulated these past few days.

Before we fell asleep we finished this memorable evening with some delicious kinky fucking.

Engaged to Princess

Almost but not yet – September 11, 2014

In a few days, next Monday to be precise, Princess and I are leaving on holiday. We will be spending a whole week together. Princess and I have been looking so forward to this. Time will slow down for us and we will simply enjoy being together.

Princess and I will be staying in a cozy family hotel. It is situated near Monchau, Germany. Venngasthof Zur Buche has only 5 rooms so it is not an overcrowded place. The large gourmet breakfast is really a feast.  
It will be our third visit to this small hotel and the Eifel region.

The Eifel is an immense natural park with lots of green, lakes and a zillion hiking opportunities.  
For the first time in years I will leave fully packed photographically speaking. All of my material, camera, lenses, ND-filters and other stuff fit in a small shoulder bag.  
Micro four thirds I love you.

Years ago I had this huge Lowepro rucksack with the same amount of material. It weighed at least 20 kilo's.  
Yes, I would love to reconnect with photography. I need it. I love writing but I am also very visual. I need this language too and try to combine it with my writing as much as possible.

And then there is our little project too. Princess and I would like to build a portfolio. Rope work, fetish and BDSM are the keywords for this undertaking.

Princess and I do not have a goal yet. It is more about being creative with what we are, what we do.  
Simply having fun.

Next week there will be no Thursday's Photograph. I am on vacation.  
Yes. Vacation.  
No blogging, no Internet.  
Only Princess and I for 6 days and 7 nights.

Yes Princess... there will also be the German thing :-)

My erotic bucket list – September 13, 2014

Although I spent the night alone I did sleep well.

When I woke up this morning it was still very early. Princess slid into my mind and immediately a few fantasies started bubbling up.

I closed my eyes and gently stroked my painfully hard erection, cupping my balls with my other hand. In my mind's eye I imagined teaching Princess a new pose for her to assume before we start playing or before she gets dressed when we go out.  
I stopped my leisurely up and down movement along my shaft before I came. I do not want trash Princesses food like that.  
Then I dozed off again. Some thirty minutes later I was pulled out of some weird dream by the muted sound of a motorcycle with a very noisy muffler racing by.

I felt so cozy and content lying in the womb my bed was and I could not get up. Hell, who cares, after all I am on holiday.

Princess was still hanging around in my fantasies, playing with herself while I watched. My hand slid over my belly and in my boxer and soon I was teasing my erect cock again. This time it was a little harder to stop in time but somehow I made it not happen.

While dozing off again my mind started listing the erotic and/or sexual stuff I wanted to do. When I woke up it was nine and the list was still lingering in my head.  
With a smile I present you my sexual/erotic bucket list. I have written them down in random order and of course each of them includes Princess.

It is not take or to leave and the list is not complete either.

I would like to add electro play. It seems like fun and I am sure it will incite my inspiration and imagination when it comes to sex even more.

I would like to go to a swinger's party with Princess. Not one held in a sleazy shack where everybody is fucking like animals. Something statelier like held in a manor or castle. Think big, think "Eyes Wide Shut". We would enjoy watching the couples and then enjoy being watched. Not sharing of course.

I would enjoy helping Princess discover and experiment with her bi-curiosity. I know it is something that lays buried deep in a dark corner of her fantasies. Obviously it would be with a woman of her choice and in a safe environment. Of course I imagine guiding Princess, slowly displaying her goodies and I would savor watching her kiss and touch and discover. It would be something for Princess only and I would touch her female partner with my eyes only. I have no desire whatsoever to have my way with someone else. Princess satisfies me completely in all my needs. Princess gorgeous and luscious body is all I will ever want and need.

Tying up, fucking and making love to Princess in the woods or on rocks near a pond should be very hot too.

I like the idea of jars and fire and massaging.

So there you have it, my sexual bucket list.  
I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing them down.

So Near Now – September 14, 2014

I hardly can wait.  
This Sunday evening at 9 or so I'll be picking up Princess at her place. At our place we'll enjoy a good bottle of Cava to celebrate the start of our 2nd holiday. And in less than a week we'll celebrate our 3th anniversary.

One of the many things we are looking forward too is exploring, deepening and shaping our D/s relation.

I spend Saturday evening alone because I felt it was necessary for Princess and her kids to have some extra time together. For the next week Bo will be in charge and she will be the one doing all the driving and taking care of her sisters and brother.

Cinnamon And Sparkles asked me a while ago to do a guest blog and I happily acknowledged the honor. She has a great blog.  
I wrote half of it past Wednesday, saved it and started a blog post and mistakenly saved it over the previous one.  
Friday evening I started over again but did not finish it. When I wanted to open the document yesterday I couldn't find it. Guess I forgot to save it.  
I worked on the document for about 2 hours yesterday and then send it to Cinn.  
I'll post it after she posted it on her blog.

Then I opened Calibre on my iMac and synchronized my eReader. I don't think I'll have much time to read but I never leave without it.  
If you have an e-book library Calibre is worth downloading. It is a free and open source e-book application. It offers library management, e-book conversion, syncing to e-book readers, content sever, an e-book editor and much more.

Princess and I have also a private play date with our friends in October. We'll rent the Dungeon and afterwards we'll have dinner. That too is something we are looking forward to.

I got tickets for a concert of Sons of Kemet too. This British jazz group is coming to our very well-known Jazz Club somewhere in November. When I was a kid I accompanied my father a few times and I remember seeing Chet Baker among others.

Yesterday I received an email from The Fetish Café about the possibility of having a photo exhibition. They liked what they saw but for the moment I have only 2 or 3 images I am proud of and that is not enough.

So they asked if I could show some more. Otherwise I would be included in a group exhibition near the end of 2015.

Princess and I already have the intention to shoot some Fetish images during our holiday. I was thinking about rope bondage based images in the woods or near a lake. Princess does not have to get naked. It would be more about the settings and the atmosphere.

Now I am wondering if it would be a good idea to take one of my studio flash heads with me. It is not that big a deal. They are small and maybe on a rainy afternoon we could do some stuff in our room. I'll check with Princess later on today and see what she thinks.

I guess I'd better start packing.

Gift by Princess – September 14, 2014

### More than I ever wished and wanted, even in my wildest dreams, You give me.

### What I needed lay hidden under a layer of fog on a shadowy secret place. Far away from the consciousness and traditions of my soul.  
Yet You found it.

### You read my deepest desires and passions, so carefully tucked away I thought, in my eyes when we had barely met.

### Guide me. You know what I need and You help me surpass myself.  
Lead me as You pulverize my demons and caress my angels.

### When I kneel for You and offer You my collar as a token of my complete submission there is only our symphony.  
There is only You and me.

**(c)Princess, 2014**

Opal Coast - long exposure.  
20" - 24mm/f22

Holiday, here we come! – September 15, 2014

Thank god, it is Monday, September 15.  
Finally Princess and I are on holiday.

Somewhere in the early morning we leave for Monschau, Germany. We'll be back on Friday and next Saturday we celebrate our 3rd anniversary. Unfortunately the Sushi Restaurant where our story stared is closed. No sweat, I found something else to do and it will be as memorable.

The mean looking black sports bag I use when we visit the Dungeon is filled with goodies like rope, whips and pleasure and pain goodies. It is in the trunk of my car with our suitcases. There is also a small bag containing a power strip and chargers for our iPhones, tablets and my camera.  
This will be our first trip where I take most of my photo gear with me. Princess and I have our bondage photography project and she is going to be my willing and very sexy model.

Yes we are taking our tablets and the hotel has free Wi-Fi. No I won't be blogging or whatever. Remember, Princess and I are on holiday.

But it is handy to check for local activities.  
I printed a 10 page document filled with addresses, tips and visiting ideas I put together over the past week so we'll have plenty to do.  
The main goal though is to simply spend quality time together and take everything leisurely. At the same time we will explore further, deepen and intensify our D/s relation.

So dear Readers, my Friends, see you in a week!

Princess and I

### For old times' sake – September 18, 2014

1/640' at f 4,8 and ISO 80 - July 30, 2002.  
Taken at the Atlantic Coast near Hourtin, France with my Olympus E-10.

I loved that camera.  
I shot only JPG's with it. At that time I was unaware of the treasures hidden in RAW-files.

Yes, I loved this camera and I still have it.  
Sadly it does not work. It took a bad fall many years ago.

My mother helped me buy this 4-megapixel camera. It cost me a whopping 3500 Euro back in 2002.  
Today one could get a Nikon full frame and a good lens with that money. Or a Canon or the new mirrorless Sony whatever.

My then future Ex-wife resented my camera and photography in general the way she resented sex and my family and so much more.

My daughters are very happy though because they have so many visual memories to look back.  
Like my father documented our life too until he passed away when I was 13 and after that there are no photographs of us except for those I took when I was 16 and up, of my mom and sister.

(this is a scheduled post just in case you all missed me)

### Back from Germany - Part 1 – September 22, 2014

###

Guten Tag liebe Leser und Freunde.

It is incredible how one picks up a foreign language so quickly. After 5 days the Germans who spoke to us slowly became intelligible.  
Are there similarities with Dutch? Yes and no. For example the word Germans use for a lake is our word for sea and our word for sea is their word for lake. "I" in German sounds very much like "I" in Dutch. Table, train, station sound not at all Dutch.

Princess and I had a wonderful and very intense holiday and we enjoyed every minute. The weather was great, a true Indian Summer.

I picked Princess up at her place Sunday evening a week ago. With a shy smile she told me she was in that time of the month. We went to bed and next morning when I woke up I was horny as hell. To be honest I am always very horny when Princess is with me. So I said "good morning" and rolled on her and took her. Well, I took her good and forgot about... well, it has never bothered us anyway.  
After we cleaned up (the mess) and I got rid of the sheet protecting the mattress, it was already worn out and not worth being washed we left for Monschau in the Eifel, Germany.

Monschau after a short downpour

We arrived shortly after noon, too early to go to the hotel so we decided for enjoy a hike in the forest. I proposed 5 clicks just for starters, Princess did not agree, it would be just be a 90' walk.  
I parked my car near an Information point. The Eifel is one huge National Park. I picked a map with a 12 clicks route. We changed shoes and took a few bottles of water and off we went.

When we arrived back at the car some 4 hours later we were exhausted and Princess agreed that 5 kilometers would have been enough for a first walk.  
My lower back was simply killing me although I had taken at least twice a 1-gram painkiller.

We arrived at our hotel, our 3rd visit to the place and to our big surprise we got a small apartment instead of the normal hotel room we expected. It was in a nearby house they had recently acquired and we were the only residents there.  
Wow.

A part of our apartment

We finished our first day by going to the town of Monschau to grab a bite. The steak Gorgonzola was delicious and the German wheat beer divine.

Wheat beer

The next day our calf's felt sore and our bodies' stiff. I started the day with an inflammatory agent.

We enjoyed an elaborate breakfast. I had German wieners with egg and bacon and Princess smoked salmon and cheese. We finished our meal with fresh strawberries.

We drove more than we walked and visited a few castles and Mariawald, an Abbey. On the way back we stopped at a few viewpoints and then Princess told me she had lost her sunglasses.  
They are on strength, like her normal glasses. Without them everything that is not close becomes very blurry.

Mariawald Abbey

I stayed calm and tried to remember where we had been and 30 minutes later we arrived back at the Abbey and there they were lying on the table where we had enjoyed a drink.  
What a relief.

During the day Princess told me a zillion times how much she missed playing and kept nagging about it.  
We made love that evening before falling asleep but we did not play. Both of us were still exhausted and my lower back was still killing me.

View on the Rursee from Mariawald

The next day we drove back to Mariawald. Every Wednesday at 2 pm a forest ranger picks up those who are waiting for a guided hike. We followed him through the woods for about 10 clicks or so. Interesting although we didn't catch everything he told us. I loved the walk but my lower back was still a big nuisance.

With the forest ranger in the Mariawald woods

To be continued...

### Back from Germany - Part 2 – September 22, 2014

That Wednesday we dined in Monschau in our favorite restaurant. The two elderly ladies who tend the place are all but friendly but the food is really yummy.

Our favorite restaurant

We enjoyed a delicious German Schnitzel. And wheat beer of course.

Delicious Schnitzel

Back at our apartment I told Princess to take a shower.

When she came back I had prepared the bed. Two pillows stacked on each other and covered with a double folded bath towel. I had prepared 4 strands of rope too.  
I collared Princess and then showed her how I wanted her in the inspection posture. Legs spread, hands in her neck with her fingers intertwined, shoulders pulled back a little.

I touched her, made Princess tremble and jump, running my fingers across her back and gently pinching her nipples until I was satisfied.

Then I told Princess to get on the bed, face down, belly on the pillows. I took my time tying her up, spread-eagled, rope around the 4 corner supports.  
"So," I told her, "you wanted to play?"

For about an hour I used the backscratcher, the wheel of pain, my fingernails, the rubber whip, the wooden spatula, the leather whip and my hands for intense spanking in combination with an extremely powerful kind of magic wand vibrator. I pushed every button on Princesses body I could think of and she screamed and whined and orgasmed abundantly.

Then I let her take five, long enough to untie Princess, order her on her back and tie her again spread-eagled to the bed legs.

After blindfolding Princess I attached a few clothing pegs on her skin and went to work. Pussy slapping and now and then flicking my fingers against the pegs made my love moan. My tongue made her cum again and this time she screamed when I pushed the vibrator against her now sore pussy. Clamps on the nipples, wheel of pain over her belly, breasts, inside of her thighs and behind her ear lobes made Princess go berserk.

Finally Princess continuously trembled and moaned, begging me to stop. I didn't though. Princess has her safe word. She orgasmed, squirted, orgasmed again and yelped and screamed. Then I mounted Princess and gave her a good one and I felt her juices run. Gave her another one and then a final climax. One for the road kind of relief.  
The German Thing had been quite memorable.

The next morning we went for a boat trip on one of the biggest lakes of the region, the Rursee. Then we had dinner and finished our day with a long walk. How I enjoyed it feeling zilch pain in my back. After a while I sat on a bench and Princess sat on my lap, face to me. We kissed for a long time while the day slowly came to its end.

Boat Trip on the Rursee at Rurberg

Then I started spanking her and shortly after my love orgasmed and we kissed some more before walking back to the car. That evening we went to bed early and simply enjoyed being together. Princess read in her book and I watched a video on my iPad.

The Rursee and Rurberg a seen from the bench where I spanked Princess
Then came the last day. We started it with an elaborate breakfast and after paying the bill we drove to Monschau to get some presents. Then we drove to Einrur and its Obersee.

Obersee at Einrur

We had finally arrived where we started our discovery of Germany 2 years ago.  
We followed the same route as we did back then, about 9 clicks.

It rained and rained.  
Princess and I enjoyed every bit of it.  
Holding each other, kissing, talking and laughing.  
We knew our magical time was almost over.  
Then it would be back to normal.  
Work and looking forward to the Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday evenings and knowing we would have to wait still so many years before we would be able to live together.

Nideggen Church

Heimbach Castle

September 20th, 2014 - Our 3rd Anniversary – September 23, 2014

We woke up at 9. Little A., who was staying with us for the weekend, was already busy doing stuff in her room that required making a lot of noise.

Princess and I made love while we whispered sweet words to each other. I made her cum plentifully. It was after all our 3rd anniversary.  
A special moment it was as I too was able to cum in my love. It does not happen often anymore and it has nothing to do with Princess.  
I felt my orgasm building itself up in my loins and a warm glow caressed my belly. The tingling I felt in my balls moved up to my cock while my thighs stiffened and the muscles in my lower back contracted.  
The warm glow became even more intense and then I came.  
For a moment I lost every notion of time and space. Indescribable and powerful sensations made my body shiver. Princesses hands gently stroking my back created delicious frissons and goose bumps.  
When I finally was able to catch some breath I could not help myself and cried making soft yelps.

Princesses loving arms enveloped my still shaking body and she soothed me.  
I cannot remember how long we stayed like that, simply holding each other. It seemed like forever.

Finally we got up and had breakfast. We only had coffee and a piece of fruit.  
What a difference with the copious ones we savored in Germany.

I told Princess it would be a good idea if she went home for the afternoon. After all she hadn't seen her offspring for a week and I knew she missed them.  
So I drove Princess home and we kissed and said goodbye. I would be back in the evening to pick her up for dinner.  
"Where are you taking me Milord?" she asked. We celebrate our anniversary in a sushi restaurant where we went on our very first date. Unfortunately that evening they were closed.  
"Leave it up to me, Princess," I told her and kissed her goodbye.

Back home Little A. asked me if I was okay and wondered why Princess was gone.  
"Did you have an argument with Princess?" she asked, "because I heard you cry."  
"Don't worry Little A." I smiled, "Princess gave me an anniversary card and the words she had written touched me so deep I couldn't help myself and cried."  
"Okay, Daddy," Little A. replied and I could sense the relief in her voice. She simply adores Princess.

Forest bordering the Rursee
I spend some much-needed quality time with Little A., went to the grocery store and back home I cooked a meal for my daughter. Then I grabbed the phone to make dinner reservations.  
Princess and I were expected to arrive at eight.

I drove to Princesses place at 7. We parked not far from where I/we live and enjoyed a glass of white wine on a terrace.  
"Where are we going?" Princess asked, curious as always.  
"Wait and see," I smiled back.

We arrived little before 8 at the parking lot near some woods not far from my hometown.  
"Wow," Princess beamed, "what a delicious surprise. Thank you Milord, you make me so happy."  
"Happy anniversary my love," I said, "these past three years have been simply incredible."

We kissed and the warm evening and the fading light embraced us. It had been such a great ride with Princess. Our holiday had been simply unforgettable and we had grown even closer. Tomorrow we would start our 4th year.  
Wow.

Princess and I walked towards the restaurant situated at the edge of the woods.

I held the door open for Princess. The waiter took us to our table. It was a cozy place.

I smiled at Princess when the headwaiter asked what we wished to eat.  
"Two times cooked mussels and two glass of wine. White please."  
"Thank you again, Milord", Princess whispered, grabbing my hand.  
"You're more than welcome little one."

Dinner was great and the night filled with passion, love and the promise of a beautiful future.  
For us.  
For Princess and I.

Thank you Princess for loving me, believing in me and trusting me. For caring and listening. For motivating me. For your precious gift of submission.  
For walking next to me through life.  
I love you beyond reason.

I did not take a photograph that evening in the restaurant. Not even with my iPhone. It simply slipped my mind. All I could think of was Princess and I and everything else was forgotten.

Thoughts - September 24th, 2014

It is Wednesday evening. After a rainy and cold day the sky has cleared up. As we speak, well, write, the sun is actually shining.  
Since Princess and I came back from our holiday I haven't been able to find my way.

Yes, I have written a few posts, tried to catch up with the blogs I follow, worked on some images I took in Germany but that is all. Today I spend almost the whole day watching movies with a bag of chips and a beer within reach. No porn but a few American Pie episodes.

I haven't seen Big A., my firstborn, for what seem ages. She works you see and has little to no time for her old man. I am a proud father though. My eldest daughter chose to quit school and has only a high school diploma in nothing special. Yet she was able to find a job almost right away. She is living proof of the simple fact that if one want's to work he/she will find it.

Little A. is in boarding school so during the week she is well, um, boarded.

I find it hard to detox from a week with 100% Princess. Sleeping alone is a nightmare and waking up alone sucks. I miss the interaction, her being next to me where she belongs.

So Princess and I are back to normal. Tuesday evening, Thursday evening late and Saturday evening until almost noon on Sunday are the moment we see each other at my/our place. After 3 years her kids are still against her relation, against me. Their intolerance for other people's happiness is disturbing.

We talk on the phone the evenings when we miss each other so much. Ten minutes, half an hour, it depends. Those moments are very valuable though. Talking like that, on the phone I mean, without seeing each other sometimes ends in more intimate conversations.

I still feel paralyzed. It feels like I am living in some kind of Interbellum, between heaven and back to normal.

I feel very lonely now.  
Not sad or depressed mind you.  
Princess is burning in my heart and rushing through my veins and stimulating my fantasy.  
Yet I feel lonely.

Post Scriptum  
In Heimbach where this photo was taken Princess and I bought a bottle of vinegar made from passion fruit. If you mix a small amount of it with soda water you get a delicious and healthy drink.

Princess told me she liked the S-move of the fence disappearing in the woodland. Princess was right. I like this shot very much and I have to thank my love for seeing it.

Another love poem for Princess – September 27, 2014

I miss her.  
Yeah, I miss Princess.

You know, holding hands.  
The touching and kissing.  
You know,  
Those simple things  
Lovers do.

Princesses arms, a safe harbor.  
A shelter.  
Feeling safe.  
Soothed.  
Trusted.

Loved and wanted.  
Needed too.

Finally arrived.  
At my destiny.  
Princesses arms.

I miss the leisurely fucking.  
The lovemaking.  
Her moans.  
Give me pain, Milord.  
Ah, that feels good.  
But...  
More please, Milord.  
I am yours.  
I always will be  
Yours.

Her shivering body.  
When she comes.  
And comes.  
Abundantly offering  
Herself to me.

I miss the nights.  
With you, Princess.  
Drifting and holding.  
Dozing and dreaming.  
Waking up with you.  
Next to you.

Yes, I miss you, Princess.  
I miss you because  
Without you I am  
Merely nothing.

Princess is my  
Heartbeat.  
My oxygen.  
My soul.  
My life.

For whom I  
Was born for.

We are one.  
Princess and I.

Yeah Princess. You and me.

About Orgasm Denial – September 29, 2014

We went to the movies yesterday evening. Little A. who wasn't feeling well decided to stay home.

It was Princesses idea. The whole past week tickets were 50% off. Only 4 Euro or 5 if you wanted to see a 3D film.  
We had our 3D glasses with us because we wanted to see Sin City: A Dame to Kill for For.

Sin City 2

Princess and I liked the movie very much. It is a feast for the eye and I enjoyed the hardboiled and wise cracking narration and dialogues very much. I love Raymond Chandler's style of writing and adored Humphrey Bogart as Philip Marlowe. Well, I have always been a Bogart fan.

It was my second 3D movie and the effect added to the visual experience. Reading the subtitles though was very difficult as it seemed impossible to see and the images and read the writing. Not a problem for me but Princess does rely on the subtitles.  
We both found 3D a tiring experience for our eyes.

Back home at half past one Sunday morning and straight to bed.  
As always Princess was in our room before me. Waiting naked and kneeled on her red cushion holding her play collar in an offering gesture.  
Princess is indeed a good girl.  
I gave her permission to come to bed. For a short while we talked and Princess thanked me and I thanked her for the wonderful evening.

We kissed, gently at first. After all I am a gentleman.  
I then pushed Princess on her back and crawled on her forcing her legs open with my knee. Moved my hips until I felt my cock push against her warm and yearning entrance. I went leisurely, pushing myself in Princesses core. I did it in for us both maddening slow motion.  
Princess sighed, gasping for air, our eyes locked on each other.

I then pushed myself violently forward, forceful, grunting and growling as if I wanted to split her in half.  
Yeah, I know which buttons to press.

"Don't you cum on me now, little one," I hissed.  
I speared my love, biting fiercely in her nipples, teasing her collar bones with the tip of my tongue. Moved up sinking my teeth in her ear lobes and neck.

Princess went berserk but I had my hands around her wrists, holding her back, fucking her as if this was going to be my last deed on earth.

I fucked her for about 30 minutes. I have a hard time, no pun intended, to cum myself.  
It is an incredible gift. I stay hard and my sexual drive untamed.  
I smiled when I moved my hand behind her neck and reached for her collar.  
Jerked it back taking away her breath, choking Princess.

"Honor me, Princess. Cum. NOW!" I growled.  
I felt her warm and sticky juices run over my thighs when her body started convulsing and shaking. It was a good and very intense one and she lost herself, muttering a hardly audible "thank you Milord".

Princess squirted 3 minutes later when I started choking her again.  
And a little later, yeah, she fell for it again.  
Princess then orgasmed while riding me and after that once again while I licked her.

I love it when Princess orgasms. She is even more beautiful and breakable and enveloped with so many intense emotions and love. Having a partner who gives herself so utterly complete is indeed a privilege.

Princess is not allowed to cum when I am not at her side as her orgasms belong to me. It is I who gives them to Princess. Exceptions are granted if Princess asks for a derogation.  
So far she has not.

I do not believe in orgasm denial as I find it cruel. Extending the denial to a few days is a far as I am willing to go.  
Mind you, I am not judging those who do. I am simply explaining the way I do things.

First of all Princess is so breakable when she orgasms. She trusts me with her vulnerability, surrendering completely to me. That is a present I want to open over and over again. I do not want to refuse this gift. I thrive on it.  
It is a present as valuable as her submission.

Secondly feeling her squirt over me is at the same time maddening and arousing.  
During a scene I find it normal to deny Princess her orgasms. I like to push Princess almost to her limit and then take five. Work again, pushing her and again stopping just in time.

When I finally gave Princess permission to cum it was very intense. Seeing her so naked and defenseless in all her emotions not only makes me really happy and aroused.  
It feels a zillion times better than my own orgasms.

### Focus stacking – October 2, 2014

Some time ago I found this European rhinoceros beetle lying dead on my porch. It is huge, about 1,18 inch in length.  
For weeks I kept it in a airtight plastic box with some silica gel.  
I wanted to photograph it but hadn't a clue how. After all it is dead and there is nothing special in making an image of it.

I decided to use the insect to show you a technique called focus stacking. It is a great trick to use on inert objects to overcome the problem of a shallow depth of field.  
I mounted a Sigma 180mm macro lens on my sturdy studio tripod and added a 20mm extension ring and the conversion ring for Nikon mount to MFT.  
On went the Olympus OMD E-M10 set in full manual mode and 2" timer to avoid any camera movement when pressing the release button.

At the left side of the bug I placed a flash on full power and at the right aluminum foil.

I moved the tripod back and forth until I had a composition I liked and focused on the closest part of the insect. Even closing my lens to f8 gave me a very shallow depth of field. On the image below you can see how the claw is sharp but not the horn or the rest of the bug.

Detail from the first shot. Only the claw at the right hand side of the image is in focus as everything else that lies in the same focal plane. Notice the very shallow depth of field.

Moving my focus point a few millimeters each time I made ten images. The idea is to blend the sharp parts together into one photograph thus extending your depth of field.

After selecting the 10 images I loaded them into Lightroom where I retouched the first image. I changed the color temperature, opened the shadows and closed the highlights, did some noise reduction and masked sharpening.

When I was satisfied with the result I synchronized the 9 other images with the same settings and exported them to Photoshop in one layer.

In Photoshop I scaled down the image to reduce the overall file size. After selecting all the layers I first did an Edit -> Auto Align Layers. Even when using a tripod I do this first just to make sure everything is properly aligned.

With the 10 layers still selected I cropped the image to my likings.  
I finished this project by blending the images with Edit -> Auto-Blend Layers.  
After cleaning up the masks for each layer a little I merged them and did some more cleaning up like removing some dust particles.

Focus stacking is a very useful technique not limited to close-up or macrophotography. It can be used for landscape photography as well when you are in a situation where you cannot get enough of your foreground in focus because of optical limitations. Simply get a tripod and make a few images with different parts in focus.

Tip: to make your life easy when you are back in your digital darkroom try to take your images in manual mode. This goes for panoramas too.

Questions? Please PM me.

European rhinoceros beetle - Finished image

Getting a shave – October 3, 2014

Past Tuesday Princess and I had a wonderful evening. Every moment we are together is amazing but when we play it becomes even more special.

I took a shower just before Princess arrived. While drying my hair with a towel I noticed how the left hand side of my scalp had become very sensitive. I felt I had some water in my left ear too but a cotton swab wasn't a great help. Well, nothing to worry about, eventually it would run out of my ear.  
We started with a glass of white wine and talked for a while bringing our active day to a closure.

"Undress," I said.  
I walked Princess to the play mat and asked her to kneel.  
She smiled in anticipation when I got my bag with rope. Princess likes rope bondage very much. It is about being tied up, about trust, being very intimate with your partner, the structure of the rope against her skin and so many other pleasures.

I did a reverse box-tie. I need to get that one in my fingers again. This Saturday Princess and I have a play date in The Dungeon with a few other couples. We hired the place for private use. We don't mingle or share, it is about seeing and being seen. Afterwards we'll have dinner. Princess and I are looking forward to this event. It is our second time with these people and the first time was really fun.

After finishing the reverse box-tie I grabbed a bamboo pole and tied it to Princesses ankles using it as a leg-spreader.  
I pushed her panties down a little and teased Princess until she begged me to stop. Princess was not allowed to cum yet.

"Let's have some more hot fun," I told Princess and blindfolded her.  
Whilst rubbing her clit with my thumb I dripped hot candle wax on her belly and inner thighs. She likes that very much.  
"Mmmm Milord," she sighed with a smile, "this feels delicious."

Have I ever told you Princess is a really good girl?  
Yes, she is so I gave her an intense orgasm using a magic wand lookalike vibrator. It has 6 different vibrating patterns and 8 speed settings and I love this toy. Watching her reactions it seems Princess does too.

Months ago I had instructed Princess to let her pubic hair grow. She needed to keep her lips shaven though as I love the touch of my tongue on her warm and smooth skin.

My love now has a bush that could have run away from a seventies porn flick.  
It is great to look at and so very soft to stroke and tickly against my nose when I enjoy her delicious goodies. Yet is not very sexy to our today's standards.

Time for change and well, I couldn't show Princess off like this on Saturday could I?

I got my shaving stuff and a bowl with lukewarm water.  
When Princess heard the soft whoosh when I applied the shaving foam on my hand she chuckled.  
"Are you going to shave your pussy, Milord?"  
"Indeed I am, Princess and I will make a piece of art out if it."

Boy did I enjoy doing this, shaving Princesses pussy. Believe it or not but it was a first one for me. I had never done this before.  
It took me about 40' minutes before I was satisfied with the result. Yeah, I could have done it quicker but where is the fun in that?

After untying my love and some aftercare we went to bed and finished our evening.  
Princess came abundantly, soaking the sheets so before turning out the lights we had to change the bed linen.

It had been a very intense and intimate evening for us both.  
The fact that I shaved her pussy and the care I took doing so was really a highlight for Princess.  
So from now on I'll be taking care of that too.  
Let it come, baby. Let it grow. Hallelujah.

That night I was woken up a few times because of pain stings in my ear. The next morning I went to see my doctor. A middle ear infection was gaining in power.  
Shit happens.  
The good part?  
I got to stay home for the reminder of the week.

Tulip – October 9, 2014

I've been finding it a little hard finding inspiration these past few days. There is a lot that has been going on, pleasurable mostly. Princess and I went on a playdate with two other couples past Saturday with dinner after. We had a blast but I still haven't found time to write about it.

This afternoon I spend most of my time driving to Princesses parent's home where I solved a problem with his computer and helped one of his daughter's kid's with their computer problems. Then I drove back accompanied by Stella. She had stayed at her grandparent's place for a day and a half recovering from a foot operation. At her place I helped her up the stairs, got her stuff and made her comfy before driving back to my place.  
I felt empty and tired so I watched two funny movies with Ben Stiller as the main actor.

A few months ago I took this photograph of a tulip. It is a simple shot. Dark background and a low power flash head directed to it. The flower itself lit from the right with a soft box mounted on another flash head and a white reflector on the left.  
That is it.  
Then I added a little Photoshop magic.

Tulip

Thoughts - October 9th, 2014

In spite of everything it took us by surprise. I had not seen it coming, had misinterpreted the signals. The feedback Princess had given me had not enticed any alarm bells to go off. So I had not prepared Princess for what I always do for myself.  
There was no plan B.

For weeks, maybe even months, Stella had been talking about The Operation. She has a small lump on her right foot next to the big toe. It hurts when wearing closed shoes. I can relate to that but it is hard to know if it is a real problem or not.

One would define Stella as a hypochondriac but that is not entirely true. The scans and blood tests and so on have been numerous and showed nothing. No cancers, tumors, infections, deadly diseases or what not. Let's face it. Stella is physically as healthy as one can be.

And there lies the danger. One evening, not so long ago, we left Stella while she was suffering from abdominal pains. During the night she phoned Princess yelling and screaming, a mix of pain and rage. Stella cried wolf but Princess did not believe her.

The Stella called me. At first I was skeptic but then I realized it was the first time since I knew Stella she made such a fuss on such short time. Something had to be wrong. I urged her to go to the family doctor a.s.a.p.  
Finally it turned out to be an acute appendicitis. When I got out of bed to take Stella to the hospital Princess said, half asleep, you'll see... it will be a non-event. There were really wolves though.

So all we knew was that Stella had made an appointment with the hospital for Monday, October 6.  
On Thursday Princess did not know if she had to take that day off or not as Stella hadn't gone to the hospital to take X-rays of her foot. Yet she had ordered crutches, a wheelchair and a nurse to come by every day.  
Princess and I could not imagine surgery being done without at least some photos. We even doubted the whole story. Yes, there is a lump if you know it is there. Princess and I have an idea what such thing could generate in Stella's mind. But would she go the whole nine yards. Hadn't she been asking every member of the family, a week or two ago, how they would help her.

Stella made it sound like a fake fire drill just to find out who are friends and who not.

On Friday Princess called Stella's doctor and received confirmation so she took Monday off.

On Sunday morning we drove to Stella's and wow, her apartment was cleaned up, dishes done, Star's clothes washed and folded. No chaos, no dirt, no stench coming out of the kitchen.

Princess had a hard time getting Stella to hand over the right papers so she could do the necessary administration for her first-born.

So Monday morning Princess drove Stella to the hospital and everything went well. That same evening Kay, Princesses youngest daughter, went babysitting Star in Stella's apartment.

Stella had locked the door of her bedroom, probably to prevent one of her sisters or Princess to plunder her wardrobe. Can you imagine?  
Luckily Princess had a spare key so Kay did not have to sleep on the very uncomfortable sofa.

On Tuesday Stella's grandparent's picked her up at the hospital. It was a 60 km one direction drive for them and Princesses father is not that young and easily stressed and in panic.

Tuesday night I spend with Princess at Stella's babysitting Star who now calls me "granddad".  
Wow.  
I'll enjoy it as long as I can. When Princesses children find out they'll do everything in their power to prevent Star saying that. I'm not even sure Stella would like the sound of "granddad".

We did not sleep well in Stella's bed and Princess felt a little guilty and I uneasy. However it did not prevent us fucking like mad rabbits.

Wednesday afternoon I drove to Princesses parents, fixed a few problems with her father's computer and picked up Stella.

Brought Stella home, helped her upstairs, took care of her so she felt comfy and Stella thanked me a zillion times.  
Stella got some stuff out of her bedroom and closed the door again like a warden.

Before I left Stella told me she hoped we would see each other soon.  
I liked the sound of that. It feels great to be accepted and esteemed by at least one of Princesses kids.

Stella contacted me sooner than I had anticipated.  
I went to bed early yesterday, as I felt exhausted and I had to get up early.

She texted me, Stella did.  
4 Text messages about photos of Star she wanted me to enlarge.

It was 03:28  
Ping....... Ping.. Ping...... Ping, the last one to say sorry if she had woken me up.

I read the first one just in case it was something very urgent.  
Then I smiled and fell asleep.  
Yeah, it felt great to know Stella likes me.  
Hell, Star calls me granddad.  
Well, for the time being that is.

Honesty - seed bud

### Kind of married with a kid – October 13, 2014

It has been an odd week. Past Monday Stella had an operation and two days later, on Wednesday, I picked her up at Princesses parents where she had stayed an afternoon and night to gain forces. The next day though Stella returned to her grandparents as she was unable to get around with her foot in a plaster cast and crutches. Kitchen and living room are upstairs and bathroom and bedroom downstairs. The staircase is very steep.

Everybody agreed it would be best for little Star if she would sleep in her own room in stead of lodging at Princesses house. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday evening a babysit was needed and Stella hoped she could rely on her sisters. Indeed, Tuesday evening and night Kay stayed at Stella's to take care of little Star. Everybody said no thank you so finally it was Princess who had to babysit. Each of these evenings and nights Princess and I spend together at Stella's place. The first two evenings we didn't have Internet or television because Stella hadn't paid her bill. We didn't play either as I did not feel comfortable. During the night Stella texted or phoned her mother so Princess told her daughter to stop doing that. Getting some stupid message at 03:00 in the morning is not very fun when one has to get up early for work. Saturday evening I ordered at a Sushi take-away. Princess and I enjoyed dinner and wine while Star was asleep. We talked and played a little. I gave Princess a good spanking until she came. My love was extremely wet so after a few minutes I started spanking again bringing her to a second and even wetter orgasm. Then we went to bed and made love and turned out the lights at 23:00 something.

It had forgotten how it was and how it felt. O my god. I was warped back in time by at least 12 years. Sunday morning Princess and I are used to sleep till 9 or 10, make love and then drowse for a while before getting out of bed. This Sunday I was woken at 06:46 by Star who was crying. At first I did not know where I was and I remember thinking, hell, is there a baby in my apartment building. Then I thought, mm, I am not in my bed. So where is that whining coming from? Then it struck me. I was staying at Stella's place and Star was awake.  
I woke Princess and she told me I could stay in bed.  
"No," I replied, "we are doing this together."  
So we took care of Star and while Princess gave her grandchild her bottle I washed the dishes.  
Then we went to the baker. Back in the car Star screamed and struggled while we tried to get her in her safety chair.  
Fuck.  
Yes I had forgotten how it was, so many years ago, having toddlers.

At 10:00 Star got tired and we put her to bed and then I took Princess to "our" bed. I made love to her, fucking Princess violently and make her count.  
When Princess sighed "10" I took her in my arms and we dozed off for some 20'. Then the alarm went off and after dropping both ladies at Princesses house I went home. In the afternoon I felt so exhausted, so tired.  
Princess had a fight with Stella earlier that afternoon at her parent's place. Stella found out I was staying at her apartment too. She told her mother she did not want me to be alone with her daughter who calls me "grandpa" every time she sees me. I did not like the sound of what Stella had said and I felt very sad about it. Of course it is no personal, it is a trust issue, but it hurt my feelings more than I can say.

That evening I arrived at Stella's again around 8 in the evening. Princess and I went to bed, talked for a while and off went the lights. Then Star started crying so Princess took her in "our" bed for about 20'. I told some bedtime stories and then Star went back to her bed. We turned off the lights a 21:30. Princess and I were both exhausted and so tired. We did not make love. We fell asleep almost immediately.

For a short time we are parents again and we have an almost 2-year-old toddler. The influence this has on our life in general and on our sex life more specifically is unbelievable.

Even with this found again knowledge I still regret not having met Princess a few years earlier.  
Boy I really would have wanted a kid with Princess.

### A phone call – October 15, 2014

It is Wednesday and still early. I'm drinking coffee and enjoyed a few fresh croissants. The sun is making a timid appearance and holds the promise of a great Indian summer. I slept well in Princesses arms at Stella's place where Princess is babysitting Star each evening and night since a week.  
Stella is staying at her grandparents and is happy and enjoying what she needs the most. That would be 100% attention.

Stella phones every evening to hear how her little daughter is doing. Having also Star would be too much for Princesses parents. Saying Stella is a handful would be a huge understatement. Trust me, I know. Stating Stella does not miss her daughter would be a bridge to far. Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. I'm guessing it is a fair price for Stella to pay for the 100% devotion she is getting. Even when Stella works Princess picks up Star in the morning and brings her to daycare and in most cases Princess also picks Star up in the evening.

The days, afternoons or hours Princess had to take off from work, sometimes at very short notice, for Stella are countless. Stella relentlessly sucks up her mother's time. Often at the expense of her brother and sisters. They end up having less Q-time with their mother.

I too have given Stella lots of my time. I have used more than one free Wednesday to drive Stella around and when we had the occasion I would surprise her with a visit to Mac Donald's. Princess and I took Stella and Star twice to the beach offering her a grand day. I bought her trousers and a pullover and some other stuff too. Making the people I like happy pleasures me.

No, I am not writing this to prove I am a nice and caring guy. To be quite frank I am not bothered with what others may or may not think about me. I know who I am and for what I stand. Besides, being worried about what others might think is a waste of time. Everybody else is way too busy with himself or herself to care about what others do.

In my previous post, Kind of married with a kid, I mentioned Princess quarreling with Stella past Sunday when she visited her at her parent's.

Stella was mad because she had found out I stayed the evening and nights with Princess at HER place. She told her mother she was not to leave Star alone with me under any circumstance.  
When Princess told me about the dispute I didn't like what I heard. I had no idea what was coming.

Yesterday evening while I was packing my black gym bag with goodies so we could play Princesses father phoned me.

He likes me and on a few occasions he told me how glad he is Princess found me. Months ago he even thanked me for taking such good care of Stella and Star. It touched me. Yeah, it really did.  
At that time he had no idea what a burden Stella is. Hell, he and his wife know now.

So Princess father phoned to ask me a trivial question about his computer. I immediately felt it was a meager excuse.  
I was right.  
He was worried and taking care of Stella is really a burden for them. I like Princesses parents very much but they are kind of unworldly and never left the shadow of their little hometown. It is only lately they discovered how Stella really is. It really shook their world and they still have a difficult time understanding or dealing with it.  
Princesses father told me about the quarrel Princess had with Stella and how Stella behaved afterwards, when her mother had left.

Stella felt her mother never makes time for her. Stella is convinced it is my fault. She wants to be alone with her mother. Stella does not like me and thinks of me as a very pushy kind of person making her do things she does not want to do. She is mad when her mother does not leave work immediately when she needs something. She is raving mad when I do things she feels her mother should do.

I should not be allowed to be with Star. I am bad news. I prevent her mother being with her because she wants her mother to be there for her 24 7/7. I am tearing the family apart. She and her brother and sisters dislike me.

Princesses father felt sorry for me. I even started feeling sorry for myself. How could I have been so stupid? Every word he said was like a fist hitting me. He wanted to warn me, to tell me how Stella really thinks about me.

When we hung up I felt empty and sad. Back to square one. After more than 3 years we still are where we started. Surrounded by 5 kids who still hate and dislike me. Add to the equation Stella who has hoisted egocentrism to a whole new level and has shown to be a hypocrite in her relation with me.

Yes I know, Stella suffers from a mental illness and thus her behavior can be explained and excused.  
Yet for the moment I do not want anything to do with Stella anymore.

Later that evening I drove to Princess and I felt shattered. We talked.

Stella phoned her mother telling her she needed to go to the doctor right away because she had found a swelling in her body.  
She wanted her mother to jump in her car and drive 50 miles to fetch her, bring her to the doctor where she lives and drive her back to her grandparent's.  
She hung up when Princess asked why she could not see her grandparent's med.

Stella phoned back 15' later and I heard her yell she had cancer. Princess said she did not think it was cancer.  
Stella hung up.

"She is testing me," Princess told me, her voice so tense.  
"I know," I told her.  
"Even The Boy, Kay, Ar and Bo are tired of her," Princess sighed.  
What could I say?  
Then the phone started buzzing again.

"Stella?"  
"Yes, " I said.

I took Princesses iPhone and shut it down. Then I pulled the line out of the other phone. Blocked Stella in my iPhone.  
I could read approval in Princesses eyes.

"Strip girl," I said.  
With a huge smile Princess obeyed me.

### Marguerite Daisy – October 16, 2014

I picked this flower this afternoon on the parking lot of the apartment where I live. Once again I lacked imagination and inspiration for my Thursday's photograph.

Just before making this image I got a phone call from Stella, Princesses eldest daughter.  
It was a spoken message as yesterday I decided to block her.  
It was a long harangue in which I was cursed, menaced with prison time and an honest rot in hell. I was told to stay away from her and her family. She wished me dead so I could not continue make Princess unhappy.  
Unfortunately Stella is still very unaware that she is the problem and Princess and I see how people are turning away from Stella.

At 4 she phoned her mother at work. "Why are you still at work? You should be at home taking care of me". That is Stella. Dictating and thinking she is the center of the universe.

Of course it is not the true Stella. The real Stella is hidden behind waves of psychosis. Yet enough is enough. I have to protect my boundaries. More on this see my previous post "A phone call".

So forgive me if my mind was a little clouded while working on my Thursday's photograph. It would have been much simpler if I had taken and old photograph and posted it.

I didn't because I am curious how all these troubles will eventually impact the way I write and photograph.

This is what I made. I'm kind of happy with the result although the picture is not what I saw in my mind's eye.

### Bitter Moon (1992) – October 16, 2014

When I attended film school one of my teachers, an avid Sam Peckinpah fan, told us we should see a movie at least 7 times. After watching a movie as a whole one needed to look again and taste the acting, the music, the storyline, the photography and so on.  
A movie is a multilayered event one cannot devour in one bite.

Some movies are worth the effort yet most of them are not.  
One or two movies, maybe a handful, you see once and then they get buried deep in the darkest corners of you memory. They stay dormant, patiently waiting for a second viewing. They emerge when time is right, when you are ready to savor them again with mind and soul.

It must have been 1993 or so and I was newlywed when my Ex and I saw Roman Polanski's "Bitter Moon". The movie swept me off my feet with its literary story and I liked the narrator played by Peter Coyote, very much. He stayed in control much trough the film. "Bitter Moon" left a deep impression on me.

Strangely I forgot about the movie till a few days ago when, while browsing Youtube, I came across a trailer and got pulled in again.  
"Bitter Moon" is about erotic manipulation, SM, BDSM, roleplaying and mind fucking.

So I watched the movie "Bitter Moon" for a second time after all these years. Older, wiser I hope and living a rich life with Princess, both enjoying and exploring our sexuality at its most.  
How I enjoyed the cool, manipulative yet tragic Peter Coyote and his hot, deliciously voluptuous and sexy wife Emmanuelle Seigner (Miss Roman Polanski) mind fucking the naive young man (Hugh Grant) who is traveling with his lovely wife (Kristin Scott Thomas) searching for something new after been married for 7 years.

The story is told as one would read a book that, over time, becomes a dear friend. We see parts of their lives in flashbacks. Some hot or very hot, some sad and some just, well, arousing in my case.  
"Bitter Moon" is a story about relations, about hope and shattered dreams. It is as life itself; a delicious mixture of hate and love topped with the kind of cruelty only humanity is capable of.

"Bitter Moon" is an intense experience and highly recommended.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69cGkcHEfuU>

### A little cupping – October 17, 2014

A few thorns on our road make us, Princess and I, only stronger.  
We enjoyed our 10 consecutive nights together at its fullest. Stella is still staying at her grandparent's and happy as a clam being the center point of attention and care. It has become painfully clear she is not able to live on her own. The past 3 evenings we discussed the Stella event and talking about it soothed me and helped us put things in perspective. Even if sometimes a little heated or agitated, Princess and I understand the art and the importance of good communication.

When we play though everything else becomes irrelevant. We let our troubles and worries float away. We are like kids who open their little fingers and let go of their balloon. In the end the only thing that really matter is us, Princess and I, and how we cope with, attack or eradicate the thorns on our path.

We played past Tuesday and I am sure Princess won't look at that reclining chair she gave me for my birthday in the same way again. It now has another use and way more pleasurable one than simply using it for lying comfy in the garden. I will write about that evening very soon as I still have to write about our latest adventures in The Dungeon two Saturdays ago.

Wednesday morning the cupping vacuum set I had ordered the previous day arrived. I opened the box, cleaned the cups and tested a few things on myself. Then I texted Princess who was at work telling her we were going to pump up things in the evening. She hadn't a clue what I was getting at.

We'll let her imagination work I thought while I gift wrapped the box.

In the evening I drove to Stella's place for another heavenly evening and night with Princess. We drank some cava, talked and then I gave her the gift. She liked what she saw and asked me a zillion questions about its use and how I wanted to use the set. I guess in her mind's eye her nipples, clit and delicious folds would be pumped up to an unimaginable volume. Every of my touches on the swollen flesh would then force intense jolts of delicious pleasure through her body.

I had something much simpler in mind though. After lighting a few candles I asked her to strip and lay flat on her belly on the play mat.

"Close your eyes, Princess," I whispered. Her naked body looked like pure gold in the sparse light of the two dozen flickering tea lights. I hit the play button on my iPod and filled the room with the soft tones of some wonderful classic music. We both love the CD "Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album".

I opened a bottle with massage oil and started rubbing her back bringing her near ecstasy. Then I pushed a vibrator between her thighs and while the pulsations brought her to another kind of trance I gave Princess an intense spanking.

After Princess had orgasmed, leaving her body trembling, I started the massage all over, applying even more oil, running my thumbs along her spine. I felt Princess shiver with delight and I knew she was ready for even more intense pleasure.

I placed two cups on the soft tissue of her shoulders and gently sucked the air out of them.  
As her skin was well lubricated I was able to slowly move the cups around and over her different muscle groups. I did not exaggerate so no bruises or other lacerations appeared.  
It is quite easy to leave marks resembling hickeys.

Princess loved the treatment and the intense intimacy of being together so close in the safe haven of the sparse candlelight.

"Time for bed, my love," I told her.  
Ten minutes later I kissed Princess and with the tip of my tongue I traced a line from her lips over her breasts down and even further.  
Then I found her other lips, warm, wet and craving for my kisses. I simply love doing what I did.  
Teasing Princess juicy folds and clit with my tongue and gently nibbling her clit.  
It did not take long before Princess came, and shortly after, under the expert dancing of my tongue, again.  
I then slowly crawled upwards again until my hard cock touched her entrance and I pushed myself deep in her longing core. I pulled her close and fucked her pushing her to another climax.  
"Come again, honor me Princess," I growled while fucking her relentlessly.

I felt her pussy spasm around my cock and Princess tremble and shiver in my arms whispering barely audible words.  
"Let go," I barked, "lose yourself, let pleasure take over."

Princess meowed purring.  
"Feel my cock deep in you?"  
"Yes, Milord, I do."  
"Cum for me. NOW," I hissed.  
"Oh this feels heavenly," she sighed and then Princess lost herself in orgasms hitting her on and on like rolling hot waves.

We fell asleep shortly after, glued together with Princess sticky wetness that had been flowing lavishly over our bellies and thighs.

### A poor man's full frame – October 23, 2014

Past Saturday Princess and I watched "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" on my 27" iMac. I had seen it before but wanted to share this intense and beautiful movie with my love.  
The famous photographer in the film, Sean O'Connell and played by Sean Penn, is pictured as a purist who still uses film. And is a 35mm SLR camera not also a Full Frame? Yes it sure is ladies and gentlemen.

I switched to digital way back in 2000.  
My father left us an extensive collection of slides documenting my early years so I bought a second-hand film scanner in 2005 or so. Occasionally I shot a few color films too. When a few years ago, during a trip to the Opal Coast in France, my Nikon F100 died, it stopped using film altogether. I shortly owned a Polaroid SX-70 and a Holga 120 but the so-called Lomography thing never got me interested enough to dabble with.

I guess there is a time, a momentum, for everything. The movie woke something that had been lying dormant for so many years.  
The next day, after dropping Princess at her place and cooking for Little A. and myself, I opened my Ali Baba cave. It is a cupboard filled with my photo gear.

I had no lens for the 100% mechanic Nikkormat and I did not want to lug around with my heavy and still working Bronica ETRS and its 4 lenses. The Nikon F80 did not appeal either because it is fully electronic.

On the Internet I found an Olympus OM-1n with a Zuiko 50mm f1,8 for 40 Euro and the seller did not live far from my hometown. Yes I know, at times I can be extremely lazy.

Later on, after I had dropped Little A. at her mother's I got my Minolta Elite Scan 5400 out and connected it to my iMac. It did not work and there are no drivers around as the scanner has been discontinued ages ago.  
No problem. I visited Silverfast and downloaded a demo version of their scanner software Silverfast 8. It supports both the Minolta scanner and OSX Yosemite. It worked flawless so I purchased a 49 $ license.

I was almost set to go.

Monday, after work, I visited the guy and found the 30+ year-old camera to be as good as new. I could hardly believe my eyes. The camera takes one battery for the build-in light meter but it works just as fine without.  
At the camera store I bought a battery for my Gossen Variosix F light and flash meter, a roll of Ilford Delta black & white film and the necessary chemicals to develop the film.

Over the past two days I shot 34 frames simply to test the camera. I even took the trouble to set up a studio flash with a flash-cord. The Olympus syncs at 1/60th and finding the correct diaphragm is a piece of cake with a flash meter.

Then it was over. My analogue memory card was full.  
I was ready to proceed to the next step.

TO BE CONTINUED

Olympus OM-1n with the 50mm f1,8. It looks brand-new.

### A poor man's full frame - Developing and first – October 23, 2014

Yesterday, Wednesday morning, I did something I hadn't done in years.  
I developed a black & white film!

I searched the Internet for the development time of an Ilford Delta using Kodak's TMax film developer. I had no idea if the film would be exposed correctly so I settled for 8 minutes at 21°C with a 1+4 mixture.

Then I prepared the 300ml of developer, a recipient with 1+1 vinegar and water and 300 ml 1+4 fixing liquid.

After rinsing the dust covered Paterson film developing tank I set everything ready in the bathroom and gave the tank, scissors and film I had retrieved from the camera a place so I could find everything in the dark.  
Out went the light and I started moving the reel to get the film on it. To my big surprise it was easy and I hadn't forgotten how to do it. After closing the tank I switched on the light and walked to the kitchen.  
I set my iPhone's timer to 8 minutes, filled the developing tank and turned it around every 30 seconds, putting it down with a harsh tap to remove the air bubbles that could have settled on the film.

After 8 minutes I emptied the tank, filled it with the diluted vinegar and after moving the tank for 45" I replaced the stop bath with the fixing solution.

Six minutes later I drained the tank once again but before starting the rinsing process I wanted to see if the film was well developed.

I felt immensely excited when I opened the tank.

Wow, at first glance the negatives seemed perfect and well developed and showed a correct density.

I rinsed the film for about 5 minutes and then added a few drops of Agepon wetting agent to prevent water drops staying on the film and create spots while drying.

It is almost noon and the film is drying in the bathroom.

I am still so excited and cannot wait to start scanning the negatives.

*** *** ***

The bigger part of the afternoon I spend watching The Social Network, a biopic about a Jewish nerd who hates nipples and founded Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg and taking a nap.  
Yes, Princess and I are still babysitting and Star woke up at 05:30 this morning. She'll see things in a different perspective later on when she has to get up early for work after hanging at some bar the evening before.

I find the negatives a little too dense. Or I overdeveloped the film or it was slightly over-exposed, maybe by about 0,7 EV. The battery could have caused the latter. Originally the Olympus OM-1n took a 1,36 Volt mercury battery but they are banned due to environment issues and there is no replacement except the ones that are sold by Wein on eBay. In my Olympus is a 1,5 Volt battery so that could be the reason why the exposure was a little over the top.

Checking the negatives

I loaded my second film, an Ilford FP4, and set the light meter to 160 ISO instead of 125 ISO so we'll see.

It seems there is an issue with the scanner software too. Scanning 6 negs is not a problem but when I eject them and load 6 new ones the preview totally screws up. I'll try to figure this one out later on before opening a support ticket at Silverfast.com. Note. After rebooting my iMac the problem went away.

Testing the Olympus OM-1n wide open

I also have the impression that activating the ICE option (dust & scratch removal) does not make the scanner happy albeit it is hardware supported. The final scan resembles nothing and reminds me on how the world looks after enjoying a few magic mushrooms.

Anyway, as the negatives are fresh and I take care of them I haven't a real issue with dust and other imperfections so the lack of ICE is not an issue.

The lack of EXIF-data is something that really troubles me. Obviously information on date, time and camera settings are not available so I have to take notes or say something in my iPhone each time I take an image.

Nikkormat correctly exposed using a Gossen flash-meter. I used one flash-head with a soft-box

Yes, this is going to trouble me as I keep all my images sorted on date. I do not care that much about the camera settings though, but date and time are very important to me. I guess I'll have to skip the time notion and I hate the idea. I know Princess is smiling now when she reads this...

The guy who sold me the Olympus also gave me a Vivitar 85-205mm f3,5 zoom lens to test. It is a heavy lens and it is mine for 25 Euro. A no-brainer if you ask me even if I'll never use it wide-open as I guess it will be way to soft. But at f8 it is a very sharp lens.

So I developed a film.  
The first results?  
Awesome.  
Really, they are incredible.  
Wow.  
This is real black and white and not some Photoshop (plugin) substitute.

I love the discrete grain, the organic look and its large dynamic range. At the moment I am not looking for Kodak Tri-X or Ilford HP5 high-speed film drama. The 100 ISO suits me well as it slows down everything I want to do.  
This is what I want to achieve.

Imagine visiting a new place, landscape or abandoned site, whatever, and walk around being limited to only 36 images. Hell, let us take the battery away from the camera too so you'll have to work with a hand-held light meter.

Testing the Olympus OM-1n

You'll have to change the way you look and if you find something you want to photograph you'll have to suck it in before pressing the shutter button. You will have to consider light and other technical aspects because you have only 36 frames. You'll have to slow down. You'll have to look and observe.  
No shooting like a madman and browsing through 500 shots in the evening. No chimping or, if you are an experienced digital photog, analyzing the histogram.

When you press the shutter you must be 100% sure you have it right.

When you drive back home you'll feel excited and you'll enjoy the anticipation and pleasure while developing the film, waiting for it to dry before you can scan it and see what you have created.

This is photography in its purest form and a craft forgotten by most of us.

It is something I want to find again, to experience and see as pleasure and art and not as something tedious I had to do so many years ago in order to get my degree in photography.

I want to take my time and see and observer before I take an image. I want to be Zen and in balance with what I see when I press the shutter button.

Shot at f1,8
Also I want to stick to one type of film.

Back in my schooldays my film was Ilford's HP5. I did not need a light meter to nail the exposure. My eyes looked at a scene and my brain knew what the film needed.  
I could develop this film with pee if needed and drunk, stoned or both I knew the exact time and mixtures for almost every mainstream developing product to get 100% perfect negatives.  
Yeah, I know, I was a nerd back then.  
But guess what, the nerds get the best chicks, albeit I had to wait some 35 years for mine to fall in my bed.

No, I am not going to throw away my digital Olympus and prime lenses. Don't forget, I am a very lazy person. But my digital micro four thirds Olympus cannot deliver what a full frame can.

At f1,8 the depth of field is very shallow and the bokeh is simply delicious. I paid 40 euro for this kit. A Nikon D600 and a f1,8 lens would set me back at least 1500 euro but it would make taking photographs easy. It would be a no-brainer but one I cannot afford.

Buying a D600 is not a problem. Buying the glass that goes with it is though. And it becomes even more an issue with a Nikon D800 as 36 megapixels needs lenses that can deliver in resolving power. Yet we all fall on our knees when we see, for example, images made by Magnum accredited photographers.

René Burri, my all-time favorite Henri Cartier-Bresson, hell even Ansell Adams. Or my even bigger favorite and inventor of the so-called porno chique Helmut Newton did it all with film.

You buy art?  
You buy what you like and not because it was made with a 6,000 $ Leica.  
Less is more. Art is what the heart feels but not necessarily what the artist wanted to express.

Do I create art? Nah, I just take pictures.

At Stella's place

### Scanning the past – October 30, 2014

I had a brief flirt with analogue photography way back in 2007/2008. I had acquired a Nikon F100 and I liked the camera a lot although it was not fully mechanical. I used a Nikon F4 too by the way and numerous lenses.

I think I shot about 20 films mostly black and white. When the camera suddenly stopped working my love affair with analogue photography died with it.  
Now that I am trying to make a fresh start I have been scanning a few of these films. They contain a few pleasant surprises.  
I want to share some with you.

They are scenes from the French Opal Coast, my Lourdes, my inspiration, my love before I met Princess.

Bunker - view on Digue Carnot, Boulogne-sur-Mer

View from Cap Blanc Nez toward Cap Griz Nez

Cap Blanc Nez

All Saint's Day, 2014 – November 1, 2014

Today cemeteries are flooded by visitors, the greyness chased away by the bright colors of a zillion _chrysanthemums_.

I will not be one of those visitors though.

Two weeks ago I went to say hi to the few dear friends whom passed away much too soon. I also visited my grandfather's tomb and stayed with him for a few moments. I have wonderful memories of my youth and he is one of those people who made my early years special.

There is nobody else left to visit. My dear Father's grave and that of my grandmother are long gone and I dispersed my mother's ashes 7 years ago in a nearby river.  
So here I am at home and spending this holiday with Little A. Probably I'll walk to our cemetery in a couple of days to photograph the decay of the flowers.  
On a day like this it is more than any other day about memories of those people who made our lives special. I guess the one I miss the most is my Father. He passed away 42 years ago. He was a great man, loving and caring. He motivated me constantly and showed me so many new things, opened so many horizons for me, encouraged me to think for myself, to be always curious and look at the world with never-ending amazement. He had great plans for me like high school, university and a career as a scientist.

He died aged 64, a few days after my 13th birthday.

I think in his own right my father was a Dominant too. I cannot recall any dispute between my parents. He was a true gentleman and my mother's god. O how many times did she tell me that, how my Father was her everything. He was her god.

There was a downside to this though. When he passed away he left my mother behind as a clueless woman. She did not even know how to fill in a cheque or a credit transfer document.  
Walking back from the cemetery that sunny yet unreal day in June 1972 she told me from that day on I was the man at home.

My mother had to learn everything, she had to make the decisions now and to make sure we all did well. She had to sell the house in the Ardennes my father had constructed as it was not yet finished.  
My mother did it all very well.

When getting older one becomes more alone too. I have no parents or grandparents and no nephews, nieces, uncles or aunts. My family is my two lovely daughters and a sister I haven't seen in years.  
For those who made my youth and life so special I bow and say thank you. Thank you Father, mom, Baba and Nana. You all live in my heart and thoughts.

### Dreaming in black & white – November 6, 2014

A few days ago I developed my second B&W film and all went well. Yet today I visited an aquarium shop and bought an aquarium heater and a thermometer.

Yes I know, 19° C of 21° C instead of the required 20° for developer and fixing solutions won't do any harm to the process. It is not that critical as it would with color film.

I want to do things right, that is a part of the pleasure of developing film.

I like the discrete grain of the Ilford FP4 Plus and its large dynamic range covering a zillion greys between absolute black and absolute white. On screen the results feel much more organic and pure compared to the almost sterile perfectness of a digital image.

When working in Photoshop one has less latitude with a scanned negative than with a RAW-file but that is a part of the challenge. One has to get it right when making the photograph in the first place and during development in the second place.

I am sure I'm going to have tons of fun playing with black and white film and I hope it will increase my creativity.

### Thoughts - November 12, 2014

It struck me when I noticed I hadn't written for my blog in weeks.  
Except for my weekly post about photography.

A month or so ago I briefly suffered from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and obviously had its effect on my creativity.

I guess is it a mere lovers quarrel though. Writing and photography have been and still are my favorite ways of expressing myself. Yet I have never been able to do them both at the same time.  
At the moment it is about photography and then, momentary, it will become less important and writing will take over.

Everything is well with Princess and as a couple we are doing great. The lovemaking still is awesome and I've added a few new tricks to my BDSM toolbox. They make Princess come almost instantaneously.

Since I fell out of grace with Stella I received a few not so friendly text messages. They are just a ventilation of her anger towards everything and for the time being I'm in the eye of the storm. I guess it has to do with the fact I kept Princess company when she was babysitting at Stella's while her daughter was staying with her grandparents. The fact I stayed uninvited there is a huge issue and doing so I invaded her privacy big time. That was enough for Stella to ditch me.

Yesterday evening Princess was at my place and she told me Stella had been rambling about pain in her shoulder, her arm feeling numb and then it became disabled and blablabla. Stella was mad because Princess didn't take it seriously. What she needed was ER and the finest doctors around.

Then Stella texted a message and Princess showed it to me. Stella referred to me as the ugly bastard that kept her mother from seeing her, spending time with her. Sadly it was business as usual.

Later on that evening I got a message too. Stella told me I was soon to change from mister gold to mister black.

She thinks I am rich hence the mister gold but Princess and I did not know what she meant with mister black. We made fun out of it referring to the Tarantino movie Reservoir Dogs albeit there is no Mr. Black but other colors are represented.

Shortly after Princess received yet another text message from Stella. It was kind of hard to figure out because it felt as a message about us intended for somebody else.  
Stella wrote I was very aggressive and she had witnessed it with her own eyes. Then she wrote about that naive bitch she felt sorry for and how she could not understand that bitch wanting to undergo all this/that whatever.

Not more than 2 minutes later The Boy texted his mother and it was a disturbing message where he almost begged his mother to tell him if there was something wrong.

Suddenly I understood what Stella meant when she warned her mother I was soon to be a mister black. And I also knew why we didn't quite understand her last text. It was not meant for us but for The Boy.

"Phone The Boy know," I urged Princess.

They spoke for about an hour while I went to our bedroom and tried to calm down.

Stella had half convinced The Boy I am an abusive partner, that I hit and hurt his mother. He also felt very uncomfortable noticing his sister referring to her mother as the bitch.

Stella told her brother that their mother was with me for my money. That Princess is financially depended from me, that she is too afraid to leave me because I am violent and aggressive. It seemed Stella had swamped The Boy with text messages but he was way too ashamed to tell his mother what they were about.

I can only imagine what Stella is telling the other family members. And in the end, even if they know about Stella's condition, I am a stranger and they will tend to believe their family member. I fear there will always be a shadow of a doubt haunting me.

When I woke up early this morning holding Princesses warm body in my arms, I felt so sad I could have cried.

Mostly though I felt betrayed.

I had taken care of her and her little Star, I had given her friendship and trust and love. I remember writing I accepted Stella almost as my daughter. It was great being able to take some of Princesses burdens away. I have noticed Princess finds it harder and harder to coop with her daughter.

I remember the four of us spending a magnificent day at the beach. I remember other moments, warm and intense or funny and pleasant when Princess and I spend time with Stella and Star. I had my own moments with Princesses daughter too when taking her to Ikea and so on.

I guess that is the hardest part of it all.  
It will never ever be the same again.

Out shooting again! – November 13, 2014

I enjoyed the long weekend taking a day off from work past Monday as Tuesday was a Holiday too and I don't work on Wednesdays.

For the first time in ages I really went away to shoot images. I drove to Zeeland, just over the border, in The Netherlands. Lots of water, a zillion windmills and lots of nature, most of it protected.  
It is difficult to believe it is almost half November. A sunny day it was, the harsh wind not to cold and temperatures around 14°C.

Windmills, Oesterdam, The Netherlands  
Olympus OM-1n with 35-75mm f4 Zuiko and loaded with lford FP4 Plus.

I had a great day and enjoyed shooting and walking and being by myself. Of course I would have been happier sharing these moments with Princess but that is still almost impossible.

I had two camera bags with me. One with the Zenza Bronica ETRSi and 4 lenses and another one with the Olympus OM-1 and a few lenses and to be on the safe side I had also my digital Olympus OM-D M10 with me. I didn't use that one though but shot two rolls of Ilford FP4 Plus.

Not trees, Tholen, The Netherlands  
Olympus OM-1n with 35-75mm f4 Zuiko and loaded with lford FP4 Plus.

Wow, an afternoon shooting and I only made 70 shots.

Back home I developed them and to be safe I used separate tanks. It took about 2 hours for the film to dry and even more to scan each negative with my aging Minolta Scan Elite 5400.  
The Epson V750 is now officially on my wish list.

Going nowhere, Tholen, The Netherlands  
Olympus OM-1n with 35-75mm f4 Zuiko and loaded with lford FP4 Plus.

I still find it difficult to scan the negatives. It is a technique I am not completely acquainted with yet. The Silverfast 8 Se offers so much options and possibilities.

I simply love the gritty look of these black and white images. They are so much more real compared to the ultra-sharp, grainless and slick digital captures.

Port of Antwerp, Bath, The Netherlands  
Long exposure of 10"  
Olympus OM-1n with 35-75mm f4 Zuiko and loaded with lford FP4 Plus.

Thoughts - November 16, 2014

I am aware I haven't been writing much for this blog these past few weeks.

Everything is okay though. Princess and I are still enjoying kinky BDSM sex and we are still growing.

Yet how many times can I write a post about our playdates before you all start to yawn.  
Read that before, yeah, Franco is repeating himself. Poor chap he is.

There is not that much happening in our life except for the kinky fuckery, a visit to the sauna or a night in town.

We are not moving towards living together, there is no opening towards Princesses kids or vice versa.  
So for the moment we are going nowhere and that will stay like that for several years to come.  
This means no extra items to write about on this very personal blog.

So how many times can I write about having sex?  
I'll write a post when I feel I have something to tell.

I am happy to announce Princess has written something for the blog too. I simply need to translate it.

There is one thing I have been doing faithfully and with pleasure though.

Thursday's Photograph is something that enables me to write about my second passion next to Princess. I find it easy to write about photography too and I'm thrilled for what lays in front of me while walking the path of analogue black and white film.

So it may sound strange that I have decided to stop the weekly "Thursday's Photograph". Seriously, I gave it a great deal of thought.

After all this blog is an erotic one and in my opinion this is not the right place to post more mundane stuff like photography.  
Besides, I have a bunch to write about and it would be sad to see this blog become something else. Yet Thursday's Photograph won't disappear completely.

Princess had a great idea.  
Why don't we replace it with a weekly erotic photograph that we, Princess and I, make?  
Yeah, this is really a swell idea and I'm going to work out the idea further. Thank you Princess.

I killed Franco Bolli on Flickr and on Instagram. Sorry mate, but I had to do it. I had to make place for myself.  
Then I created a new account on Flickr and on Twitter using my real name.

So there you have it, dear Readers. I will still write for this blog when I feel like it or if Princess and I experience something new or if something happens that is relevant enough to document.

Everything about photography, including the Thursday's Photograph, will move to a brand new blog I've started a few days ago.

This new blog is called The Film Diaries. It will be mostly about my adventures with analogue black and white film. I hope it will inspire people to look back and embrace old technology and its possibilities by means of creativity.

I will be signing my images with my real name and Princess will be a part of the story too.  
After all she is my muse, my wife-to-be, my goddess, submissive and my Love. In fact Princess is my everything and the sole reason I was conceived so many decades ago. I am aware not all of you are interested in photography and that is no problem at all.

Yet I hope that those who do will visit my new blog, The Film Diaries **,** from time to time.

Hogweed (ca 2008)  
Bronica ETRSi with Ilford HP5+ film.

### The Last One – November 20, 2014

This is the last entry I will make for the Thursday's Photograph. The reason is simple. SirFrancoBolli.org is our erotic diary and tells our story, what makes us tick, what happens in our lives.

I started the Thursday's Photograph as a way to make me write for this blog every single week. It is in some sort a deadline.  
But posting something about photography, my second passion next to Princess, every week soon became not enough.

Recently I decided to take a few steps back and started with analogue black and white photography. Back to my roots as it were.

That too is enough to write about so I decided to start a blog about my adventures with analogue film photography. You can find it at bwfilmdiaries.wordpress.com

It became obvious this weekly post would soon become obsolete. That moment has arrived. This is my last entry about photography on this blog.

I am happy to announce that from 2015 the Thursday's Photograph will be replaced by a weekly erotic photograph and is a joint venture of Princess and I.

It is Princesses idea and I support it completely albeit we are not yet on the same track about its contents yet.

For me this new project is about discovering what erotic photography really means to us both. It is about working together, brainstorming and building ideas into photographs. Where Princess was a loose contributor to this blog she now will become much more involved in its contents. I am really looking forward to this new venture and I am curious where it will take us.

Today's shot symbolizes it all and was taken somewhere between 2007 and 2008 with, I guess, a Nikon F100. The film used a 400 ISO Ilford HP5 Plus.

For those who are interested in my photography and my reflections and ideas, please visit me at bwfilmdiaries.wordpress.com.

6 or Six – November 11, 2014

"Six please, Milord", she answered.  
I could read the anticipation and the excitement in Princesses beautiful eyes.  
Trust me, when my last day has come I would love to drown in them.

"Are you sure, girl", I growled. "We still have almost 4 hours in front of us before I turn off the lights."  
"I am sure Milord. Six will be fine", Princess replied.  
"Okay girl, 6 it will be and not one more. Begging will not help."  
"I know that Milord", she said with some teasing in her voice.  
"Are you making fun of me? You should know better than that, girl."  
"No Milord, I am not. I am a good girl. I am always a good girl."  
I had my doubts about that but I didn't say a thing.

We talked, Princess and I, me sitting in the sofa and she on the less comfortable church chair in front of me. She still needs to be reminded not to put her knees together or worse, crossing her legs.  
I need to see what's mine at all times.

So I caress her inner thighs without touching her pussy. I enjoy seeing how Princess gets turned on, how her lips get swollen and slightly open, showing her delicious core. My tongue yearns to touch her there but I stay in control. I push Princess to her boundaries and stop.

"Get up girl."  
I grabbed her hair and lead her towards the back of our sofa. Carefully I position her, legs spread, panty pulled down to just above her knees. A gorgeous sight it is.

Then I start spanking Princess, slowly warming her up. Hell, warming my hand up too. I know better now after having bruises on the palm of my left hand a few days ago.

Princess suffered, gasping and wiggling while her delicious butt warmed up, becoming redder after each slap of my hand.  
Finally she came and she almost fell on her knees, breathless and whispering "thank you Milord" a zillion times.

I took her to the sofa where I sat down and pulled Princess on my lap.

"I could no live without you", she whispered. Some moments should be etched in stone forever.

I gave Princess some time to find her breath before I gave her a second one while spanking her again.  
The third one was extremely intense after I danced with the tip of my tongue between her succulent lips while teasing, sucking, nibbling and even softly biting her clit.

Time for something new.  
I grabbed her by the hair and guided her to the back of the sofa.

"Sit, girl."

Obedient Princess sat down resting her back against the back of the sofa.  
I tied her ankles to a bamboo pole leaving her legs spread.

Then I got a mirror and positioned it so Princess could observe her own womanhood.  
Believe me, having your genitals tortured is even more intense when you can see what they are doing.

It did not take very long before Princess came, ejaculating, screaming and panting.  
In bed I gave Princess orgasm n° 5 by licking her goodies. Oh boy do I love eating pussy. I made sure her lips and clit and inner thighs connected with my 3-day beard. She loved the roughness and I adored feeling her sticky juices being smeared over my face.

Then I called it a day.  
Orgasm 6 was not to happen as I intended to use it in another scene.

We slept well, Princess and I.  
This was Tuesday.

Wednesday night Princess was once again in my bed.  
"I own you one", I told her.  
"Oh yes Milord, you do."  
Princess got it sure enough.  
My tongue did it all.  
Hell, I gave her a second one just for fun.

Then she told me she had cheated the other day.  
The spanking had made her cum and Princess told me she had thanked me, mumbling the words very softly and hoping I had not heard them. She did not want me to stop spanking.  
It worked as I kept spanking until Princess squirted abundantly.

I have a devious little sub on my hands.  
Now I have to punish Princess.  
Mmmm... I love the idea.

Any ideas?
Christmas – December 24, 2014

So here they are, the last few days of 2014.  
Most of us are going to celebrate.  
Let us not forget the less fortunate though. Those who are alone, suffer a loss, are unjustly imprisoned, persecuted for whom they are or for their believes, who live in a war zone and endure its horrendous crimes day after day.

We are so fortunate yet so often unaware or unthankful for what we have.

For Princess and I it has been a good year. We have grown even closer and our love is stronger than ever. Our lifestyle had given us so much pleasure and passion. It is a road we are still exploring with curiosity and awe.

This evening, December 24th, Princess will be dining at my place. Well, it has really become our place since Princess has added some touches of her own. Wow.

Princess and I will be spending Christmas Eve together, a first and something I have been longing for since the day we met.

I have ordered Sushi and a bottle of exquisite wine is waiting impatiently to be opened.

We will be seated at the wooden dining table and sitting on what we gave each other as this Xmas years present. I never came around buying decent seats though. As a Christmas present Princess proposed we would buy 2 dining chairs each. We visited stores and finally found a classy dark brown model. They fit well in our living room.

Under the small tree, also a first one for me, are a few presents. I am sure Princess will be awed with hers. It is something I know she will love and cherish for what it represents.  
For the outside world it will be a thing of beauty but for Princess and I it will be a symbol, a promise and...

To be continued

### Christmas Eve – December 25, 2014

For the first time in what seems ages I experienced a wonderful and intense Christmas Eve.

Ex thinks she knows Xmas does not mean that much to me so my two A's spend that moment with their mom.

Ex has it wrong though. I never liked Christmas Evening with her and her noisy family. Italians yelling and gesturing in a language I did not comprehend, Italian.  
I never had nor felt a connection with her parents, her brother. With all due respect they were from another time, another culture and lacked any respect for how other cultures live special moments.

For the first time in what seems ages I had a wonderful Christmas Eve.

My first Xmas tree in ages

Princess and I enjoyed diner, I had ordered a Sushi Boat and bought some exquisite white wine to go with it.  
With a smile Princess told me she had changed for the better since she had adopted my hedonist lifestyle.  
Tasting that salmon or feel how the raw tuna melts in my mouth are flavors that come close to the pleasure of eating Princesses pussy.

Sushi, white wine and an art print for Princess

Dining with Princess was cozy, warm, delicious and so erotic, sensual and sexy.

We talked about art and a project Princess wants to do with me. She would love us to photograph images of our lifestyle. I would love that too yet I am unable to think out of the box. I have no imagination, no idea how to create elaborate scenes. I have the knowledge and the resources, both materialistic wise and financial, though. I lack imagination, I lack thinking out of the box when it comes to our lifestyle. It is clear that I am thinking in the wrong direction. How can I move furniture in a limited space as my/our apartment?

Almost as good as eating Princesses pussy

Princess was extremely happy with the print I made from one of my analogue photographs. I was very happy with the mug Princess gave me.

But the piece the resistance was of course the collar. No ceremony, no vows, no nothing. It was about offering and receiving and knowing we both live this the way we want.

A present for Princess

It is simply beautiful around her neck and I love simplicity. Princess is free to consider it as a jewel or as a token of her submission.

In my world almost everything is possible as long as we keep our love pure.

Happy Holidays my friends.

The Day-collar. No fuss, no ceremony, no nothing. It is about what it means.

About Franco Bolli and Princess

With Princess at my side I have been growing in the BDSM lifestyle. The D/s dynamics made our relationship even deeper and BDSM has added so much intensity to our love life.

I like to think of myself as a Sensual Dom. I not only love taking control of Princess sexually but also embrace our life together with great and intense passion.

I also love satisfying the masochist side of Princess with a mix of pleasure and pain. Princess is my piano and my compositions are a delicate dance of black BDSM and white Pleasure & Love keys.

Photography is another passion of mine. Used to be a pro but now it is mainly for fun. I do mostly landscape, close-up and macro.

Not every day is a bright or a sunny one. We share these lesser moments on our blog too. Such moments not only make our relation stronger, it defines who we are and how we react.

I also hope that our blog helps getting rid of some misconceptions about D/s and BDSM. I am sure these misapprehensions do exist.

It would be nice to meet kindred spirits from all over the world and exchange stories and experiences.

Our blog, Princess and I, can be found by following http://sirfrancobolli.org

In December 2016 I added our bdsm photography portfolio. It runs on a Raspberry Pi 3 at my place. You can visit this portfolio via http://nsfw.hopto.org

Copyright ©2011-2018 by Franco Boll and Princess.  
All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission by the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
