*WAPOOSH!* Top of the mornin’ to ya, laddies! My name is jacksepticeye,
and welcome to a game called "PARADIGM".
I remember seeing some early demos of this around a while ago.
It's supposed to be very, very, very funny and I like this style of it goin' on that has like a, uh, 90's VHS look.
I just love that aesthetic in games, and every time something has it I'm like: "*claps hands* Ooh, very nice!"
So this is a little adventure game, I think it's like a point-and-click kinda thing that- it-it's based in a post-apocalyptic eastern Europe or like a fictional city I think?
I don't know too much about it.
All I've heard is that it's wacky and that it's really funny, so I'm interested.
[reading the difficulty menu] "OH GOD HOW DID THIS OPEN I JUST WANTED TO PLAY SOLITAIRE"
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT AN ADVENTURE GAME EVEN IS"
"FOR THE EXPERIENCED ADVENTURE GAMER"
I'm gonna go middle of the road.
"Enables hotspot toggle systems that-..."
...
"Hotsphh--  HOTSPOT. TOGGLE SYSTEMS." Why is that so hard to say?
"And Cutie Tumor Chats" ... Which is a hint system.
Okay... Plaayyy...... game...
I'm already weirded out, but
[laughs] I like it! I'm into it!
[GAME SFX: loading VHS tape into player]
YES!!
My old VCR!
[GAME SFX: VHS "snow" sound]
This is an archived infomercial and is not be used for.. da-blah!
[GAME SFX: upbeat 80s "startup" jingle]
See this kind of stuff I love
Kinda reminds me of Aliens and stuff like that
[GAME SFX: 80s synth music]
Hello
NARRATOR: Is your child a failure?
JACK: [Laughing]
NARRATOR: Have they wasted years of their lives accureing an arts degree?
JACK: [Laughing]
Do you make it rain on a regular basis?
JACK: [Chuckling]
Only to spend it on your childs expensive taste in bullshit coffee?
Is just child just an asshole?
JACK: [Laughing]
These are questions we ask every day
Here at Dupa Genetics
NARRATOR: We, have the solution. JACK: God, genetics, yeah. Oh my god
NARRATOR: Prodigy Child
The fully customizable child of your dreams
JACK: Oh god!!
NARRATOR: The process is very simple
We gather your broken dreams
We combine them with our cutting-edge genetic sequencing technology
And finally:
our secret sauce
JACK: [Chuckling]
And then, your Prodigy Child is born
JACK: Chemical X!
NARRATOR: Don't leave your childs success to chance
They can be a Prodigy Child in anything
Such as:
Scientist
Bodybuilder
JACK: [Laughing] His nipples...
Wizard
Jack: [Laughing] NARRATOR: And...
Cat
JACK: [Laughing]
You know what to do
Do you really want to risk the embarrasment?
Buy a Progidy Child today
JACK: Oh my god... NARRATOR: You won't regret it
JACK: This is amazing already!
CHARACTER: Time to put on some beatsies JACK: is that my prodigy child??
[MUSIC IS ON (or beats..)]
JACK: good god that was funny is your child
just an asshole CHARACTER: Ugh I am soo bored JACK: yeah
CHARACTER: I should probably make progress on my EP
and make some beats on the computer and not
procrastinate which would inevitably
lead me to reevaluating my life
decisions and weeping silently. *groans*  that's great I
completely forgotten how to exist
TALKING TUMOR : Paradigm, have you
forgotten how to- *JACK mumbles* function as
a mutant human being again, would
you like a tutorial. sure why the Fuck not.
this oh god I already love this game
Jesus. CHARACTER: I feel like this is something I
shouldn't forget thank god you exist I
could never afford the real doctor
JACK: wait, I'm a human being?
BULBUS: Would you like a regular tutorial or a live action dog tutorial?
JACK: oh you're actually
talking I didn't think he was actually
making words. Regulatory or live action
dog tutorial, a dog tutorial every
single time. PARADIGM:Definitely dog tutorial.
JACK: exactly definitely
[music plays]
with SAM, Sam! Awe!! I'm rubbing the screen
cute puppers
he didn't teach me anything
well of course how would I learn
anything from a fucking dog okay hello
I'm you're talking tumor oh you're the
thing on my head- TALKING TUMOR: right click to
interact JACK:okay... TALKING TUMOR: left click to activate an interaction
JACK: okay. TALKING TUMOR: Touch the right corner to activate Tumor Sense- JACK: tumor sense, ew!
touching him will sensually
trigger small talk. Oh, touching me
sensually will trigger small talk and other
helpful advice TALKING TUMOR: I just like being touched
JACK: Ew, ew, ew. TALKING TUMOR: Touch the top of the screen to access the- JACK: Okay.
Jack: Wait, that was it? Oh, that's not so bad!
PARADIGM: Hm, it doesn't seem to be working,
just like the fashion combo of socks, sandals, and fanny packs. Unless you are
a 40 year old man whose jokes only consist of puns. I
should talk to John. He will probably
know how to fix it JACK: Okay I've decided,
this game is amazing, fucking hell. Oh
you're John. Talk to you.... use. PARADIGM: I'm... I'm
not going to push his buttons again. Not
after last- JACK: The plug is out! Lets do this. Uh, okay.
Talk to... pick up! PARADIGM: I need some sort of
adapter first. JACK: Why?! Ok, let's look at my- *suddenly Russian*
let's look at record collection *back to normal* oh here's
the adapter. Wait let's get this first. No
pick up. PARADIGM: This could be useful. I'll put it
into my inventery. JACK: Your inventery? PARADIGM: If only
people could adapt like this adapter,
robot human marriage won't be such a big
issue. Oh jeez, I'd forgotten how to use
my pockets again.
TALKING TUMOR: You can access the... [JACK STARTS LAUGHING]
JACK: I've a f#$king, I've a Cigarette and a Fish? Where'd the adapter
TUMOR: Items can also- JACK: Ohhh. This is just the Example, Ok, That's a Smokin' fish!
I Heard you like smoked Haddock, If you wanted some,
Oh my god, Uhh... Inventory, This, On cable, Yeah, Sploosh
[JOHN-3000 STARTUP] JACK (QUIETLY): Nice!
might it's a derp on the monitor my God
my what do you love me for you know why
you know why you know what you did you
kill my dog you killed Sam right okay
John Matthew I'm I'm not going to push
his buttons again okay look after let
okay can we just use this then hmm just
like the session combo sucks dick Ellis
your photos oh hey I should actually
talk to John silly god I love this art
sale it's awesome what are you from the
computer booting I want to make some fat
ass beat these but I would be inclined
to say that some fat ass beat hey dude
do your Hal 9000 depression open the pod
bay doors out please do it dude look at
how 9000 impression open the pod bay
doors Hal died you're a drunk guy you
know I can't let you do that that's just
stupid upset I'm sorry Dave I'm afraid I
can't do that you have to watch 2001 a
Space Odyssey don't know what's going on
my movie zamane um I really like what
you did with your face what's different
I really like what you did to your face
what's different well originally it was
a picture of a big fella called k2 a
small advice on it I'll have used it
back today sorry sorry man also i'm
drinking some miller because it's
national beer day right now well friday
the seventh of april apparently do you
ever miss the days when you were just a
matchmaking what you ever miss the days
when you were just a matchmaking robot
Oh
little mine although the shower was
pretty terrible post-apocalyptic estoy
it wasn't very pretty why are you
Australian I have to go return some
videotapes few more big enough of a big
smoker is little Bria Jesus my australia
australia can't fight oh fuck yeah your
digit lead wrong go ok why it's
beautifully why isn't the computer
booting I want to make some fetish
beatings night with some of the field
forcing your internet history almost
makes me Connor boy if I want to be a
part of this world they don't think
about all this user's that would be
gutted and they're on change my mom it's
so good yeah ssop see now is it be
unfortunate if I just tripped and
unplugged you again don't worry my I'm
not judging you it's a little bit messed
up but uh title known to induce vomiting
censored career hello hahahaha look such
as you're so pretty why isn't it working
my the operating system is buggin spiky
bottom ah bloody AGGA blag mess of your
system falls you're gonna need a walk
everywhere install using the recovery
floppy disk why be restored it's a very
quick enough the voices can I just heard
on another engine turn it on and off
again when did you learn at Vanguard a
support all impressed so blood
congratulations approval of my job one
all right they get it what can I find
the recoveries lucky disc all right I'll
track with my little girl yeah and check
it out that's weird it only tells me
where to find if you see a little bit
scary to get ripped I always wanted what
I look like Easy's like the giant 3000
love something just tell me where to get
it or all my love Maya teutonia but
personally do I've got a list in chat
rooms and to read in that dining flights
that frequent not and on HT get me in
the zone how am I supposed to do a bit a
little bit of that you don't remember
anymore Edison so hard to roll back two
versions should I be your wingman yeah
even look at Mars jorn like to discuss
this don't even have i but seriously
what do you want use your imagination
life orita maximize more sex appeal
potential ok John a couple Warren cousin
exactly storing potential partners
except for T tablish men and tell you
what my auto what any news from forty
stablishment not unless they look like
60s what are you like Davis open and
gross good such an irritating minor
inconvenience I just want to finish my
new impede that one if you don't think
of you do the power plan will melt down
and never will be dead or become
seriously might live in a lot in
constant agony is my there must be
something in this room I can give him ah
that's not good um exit Red Room real
computer bed dupo organizer deep
organizer the dupo organizer did you
park a nice dear diary I'm not sure if
you know this but god damn i love
sleeping so much if sleep for a person i
would orchestrate an elaborate public
proposal in front of millions of people
only for sleep to reject me on the spot
the online video would have millions of
use the Site make bank and add money
profiting on my pure scientists and
projection anyway that was an analogy
about waking up I'd hahahaha this one
just as a decorous knowledge is that a
vagina I don't know there's some food
hahahahaha ice cream is the best cereal
use I wanna eat some cereal don't have
any civil to you with ah what mines
across the coverage unidentified slated
pops right now me me too man those
chords the coverages the best cereal
gold sound smooth huh shards glass and
it put what you're gonna do supposed to
pakka lips
did rich or die of natural causes babe I
love you but I'm a t-rex hahaha how do
you play the guitar with his tiny lil er
shun since you will steam haha everyone
has to call me Sean sensual steam from
now on I won't have it any other way no
on Sean sensual seed oh he had sound the
dog at the third game he was fuckin made
for me man so from now on everyone call
me Sean sensual see remember the name a
guide for companionship for the
futuristic lover and it has they be
undertale hired on it get said to smooth
jazz on my daily technique mark on
Trenton's Pluto if only I was still a
planet haha that's really give me or ask
where i love all four sides by david lee
i wanna let the show on sensual seen it
was just good kids on in the loop hell
yeah pick up good kids on in the mood
sweet okay we're doing great records use
just what it's bloody buggin my okay
maybe if i use this on John hell yeah
let's listen to it but you're a sensual
Sean seeing sunday shoes very long gross
why so many singers and on anyone you
can warm up for bid is from Illinois in
space get it down one good organic or
ask dog outside for some directory dude
if you can't remember introspection said
well managed think this'll save the
world i get followed honored your boys
can't really judge grab you too i should
oh fucking hell i wish i could write
something like this just go asking for
the directory do that so I my fucking no
problem at all haha
yeah I have no idea dude yeah figured
you one understand so prepared is live
in a shaker or you're better than
earlier gonna close Wow roots on your
paper mache quiz you quick whatever
judgment oh really appreciate your
support of my office I like sake of them
all the world ready actor why's this
goal on the there is a very active waste
under discussion or what when all ok if
you probably know crush it will never
won in the province economy and now by
agents of the red dot data tease
cowabunga the Calvin goo Wow workers
flowers usefulness is our baby during
his nap exit for more you can watch
asian people daughter- boy also my human
my god you did good damn oh right i
should probably stop it yeah fiben mush
i think the whole way through Jack came
here told you should sell didn't leave
online really great you know not I did
not I go see dog assault with him
directly to my calling god it's fucking
amazing so his name is paradigm ok let
me more sense clean out I'm stuck in a
computer debris read that this is a
hundred times and try not to have an
exam
why is that sexual shorts need and I
didn't know um red rope let's go to Red
Room you know what their uses I've never
not wrong with the red room Agnes see
you later Jon meanwhile convenient
possible yes I want I want you to bring
me paradigm is all this time you want to
really bad yes we need we need you all
return I don't go for that Marcus later
date hahahaha sometimes I hate you
you're insatiable urge for candy turned
me into this monstrosity who else
Thunder one yours legacy will live on oh
my god I don't know if I can fucking
handle much more of this game it's a
waving me giggle so much it's so good a
lot of it is like directly my type of
humor as well I can't leave lessons are
just stickers on the box sometimes I'm
amazed at I haven't died already in this
parish haha Minister you through
unicorns fighting warrior pose power
station it says Jesus 10 ad up here
there's the day at the texaco guy from
Tim Schafer's game Jim Stansel Tim
Schafer game right stay in the tent
until really good game well whatever i
can remember of it it's an old game by
now boiler dials I told the story tales
measurement on them are lucky i don't
think i can use this for much core that
on the bright side i'll move this
reading is affecting hahahaha this scale
says that were high on bullshit
underneath were high on it doge the beat
are you selling yourself for five
dollars cuz you're an actual beat oh god
hi dog hey bro so Tino's was a
brolicious why not do you mind dropping
some diabetes okay woke up in the
trailer don't know where I am gonna sit
around and eat some spam fuck yeah
ladies out there joke sick sick beats to
hear this news all day you're that's
impressive Oh God Jesus and now they're
bragging don't it's not right first a
great I'm continued to be partly you too
much destroyed dope thanks dude and for
all that just dope thanks thanks man you
mind dropping some fat beats do you
know how much about the space cadet you
know much about these space cadet you all I
know is that he is the local drug addict
god awful acne 47 years old uncomfortably
apparent fetish for boxes I guess that's
him I don't know much about him really
except is asking for drugs in exchange
for his boxes also also blowjob yes
excuse me while I drown myself in a pool of bleach
[LAUGHING] why?
oh that guy down there with a mole on his cheek and there's this
lightly brushed hair
forty-seven-year-old blood type O he's
really into cats and he's also a
qualified ski instructor yeah I don't
know much about him did you consider the
blowjobs did you consider the PO jobs if
I wasn't a dragoness I would probably
get awfully lonely out here Oh what kind
of drug addict I think his drug of
choice is space dust I think what the
hell is that primo choice is mine from
the moon but it really is just
remarketed Creek uh speechless Fremaux
choice when you want to get the highest
of the high look no further than zero
gravity space moon dust to make you
think that you're orbiting Saturn I need
to know where I can find him oh well if
you fund the omeprazole thing i'll hook
you up with the bid's beats and eats
okay how do you stay alive I feel to be
a vegetable for the rest of your life
how does the hostage on thank you sir
anabolic license rights engines eggplant
I you're an egg by not a beat Chelsea
helpful going rents due soon and I've
always wanted to try sent in eggplant
come on man give us a break there are
literally only five people living here
all of them crazy except for you of
course of course yeah I'm not crazy I
just have a giant tumor as a talks to me
I'm trying to make fat sick phat beat
sees all the time yeah I'm not crazy
what do I need to give you a map now
this up with some sort of med and oh
okay cool ah how does it feel to be a
vegetable for the rest of your life I'm
actually disgusted you'd make the joke
but if you're serious its duty uh I
kinda wanna listen to the beats again
but they went on for a long time no see
you stay alive photosynthesis bro
checked out what are the fuck of the
users bistro
peace out deziree no oh my god look they
have new mail uh you've got me huh what
lover metal books I guess I'll put it in
my inventory wait I got a fucking
mailbox in my mailbox does it make any
sense tentacle graffiti look at I can't
pick up the graffiti god damn it Lucas
stop spraying your intellectual property
on my property nice external deactivated
John 3,000 journal can use it I can't
heal being the excavated Walden okay
patient 0 Health and Safety says
anything less than three layers of duct
tape is unsafe but I like to live wild
and only use to all paradigm you sneaky
abducting sort of net first we must be
something around here I'm supposed to be
finding a fucking map sure isn't any
mail left in here okay what about things
there is something else in the second
mailbox oh there's no book I cared
enough of your games by Bushkin mailbox
is there we fuckin a decent matroska
doll mailbox keys there is another
mailbox in here i'm going to unsel the
game second hey beer is a postcard in
here with a bottle of vodka the ship's
keys vodka the only vodkas guarantee
sixty percent of your daily nutritional
needs and a fifty percent chance of a
plus postcard nexus to press the letter
M or use the slide-out menu to use the
name will okay
here we go yes um is map on this is a
crush card will this work yes they think
that the world you can find them in the
bottom right in cause forest also one
last thing don't be surprised if he's
not wearing pants never I'm never
surprised by anything like that okay so
we're going out to the forest where the
giant penises right okay now we can I
got it cool i like that though i like
that the stuff that i needed was like in
the area hey years wearing pants it's a
crashed plane those that from what was
that then anomaly is this a plane from
jurassic park three you seen that those
are metal mushy unlike the reclusive
genic brisbane they simply makes you hit
banking mush four days of that getting
fatigued my human side effect is really
slow threat whoa small bro ah you old
crash plane in the forest rope wait
there's a sticker here keep this Nikki
next replica crashed aeroplane their
motto reads if you have a lot of money
you might as well spend it I'm not sure
about that just kind of take a futurama
reference um this also looks like they
at the tentacle little mini art you did
you ought it was cool not use hey I you
stormed this I actually have the high
score causing needs to be both were
payable and broke electronic musician
can I use is only the whole world
accredited hey are you cooking okay I
guess not um they're just go just go
talk to space cadet hello
hello I'm pretty good things and you
where is Harker tell the wife you're
welcome at mine in time what a wonderful
Komodos man I need to divert his
attention from how the TV it's not even
plugged in but they did say he had an
affinity for Kerry board boxes and he is
asking for space let's read his diary
Cornelius f occupation local drug addict
that's his occupation is to be a drug
addict you know just because of the
locals were like drug addict people
think that I'm crazy they walk past and
just consider me trash they don't wait
and consider that I'm a human being just
because of crazily i'm naked lathered in
honey shouting my favorite 80s pop
lyrics anyway so far vagrant Eric
performance is going well you can never
go too far with art including taking
hardcore drugs and they said my art
degree was useless I'm going to be a
social justice Messiah after this that's
just a social justice warrior but a
fucking Messiah it seems to be some sort
of rare artifact possibly from the
copyright infringement era legends say
that the archaeologists who found the
artifact received the curse of season
hahahaha Clara nice you a I'm afraid to
touch furniture folk so much Spencer
both the TV gives if I post this online
i could probably get internet once for
it sorry red family you're conveniently
time jokes we have to wait hopefully
this gets his attention
hey that infomercial was just about to
tell me how to grow an extra all very
aren t you truly are a monster he be
banished was he wearing new shoes so the
drug addict I would you happen to hear
the recovery disk folder OS 3.1 turbo
you happen to have space dust no then I
have no idea what you're talking about
you're weird to look at I don't like
this if I get this space dust will you
give it to me I'd also such a recovery
disk 0 25 yeah I'm sweatin regardless no
proven heavens is this it last one well
that's a classic you have all the
relevant after 50 years no it is not
what about this one paradigm eats cereal
Jesus that is creepy I'm not sure I want
to ask how you got it maybe this one
three four five something eight nine
give it to me not until I get some of
that sweet sweet I can't believe it's
not sugar don't you mean space toast
yeah whatever same thing three four five
seven eight nine was written on his hand
I'm writing that down myself I think it
was a six because you need a code to get
into his house I stayed on the
background ah there any side effects
where can I find places to work in my
friend spaceless you can cook it
yourself it's a lotta culous process of
gathering rock samples from the moon be
wary of the man on the moon though for
reasons I don't want to get into right
now it's Rory and homey did I forget the
rest we're literally you can get it from
your local family drug dealer for the
lowest prices guaranteed mainly because
he murders all the competition
businessmen um get a bit of a Quasimodo
vibe awesome can you show me where the
drug dealer is at least can you show me
where the drug dealer is at least yeah
right do you have a map on you too will
this postcard do I think so go to this
place here the little house on the
mountain in the middle okay like a
little observatory got it bring me that
powdery heavy I've already got the
suppository prepare then you can go on a
spiritual journey with me to uncover the
dark secrets of cruel thanks new
original conspiracies yeah want to hear
about it long live the letter people
long live the wizard people listen here
p diddy Begum para dining guy ever
wonder why there's only like five or six
of us living here comes the speed ahead
reason childhood unexplained scares
large hemorrhoids interim body Oh gross
obvious listening devices now I won't
know for sure till my next drug-induced
coma but i'm pretty sure that we're in
alien zoo fingers cause they have a
mating program you know we're all part
of a reality TV show called paradigms
life is nothing but misery and regret
we're not in but a figment of the
imagination of terrible Dungeons and
Dragons coming this one we're nothing
but the figment of the imagination of a
terrible Dungeons and Dragons campaign
valid however my theory was that we were
Teenage Mutant cutie boy accidentally
fell in radioactive ores first giving us
amnesia oh and windy period relevant
catchphrases now they are keeping an eye
on that so we don't fight crime
yours works too let's change the subject
I mean wobble oh I don't know enough
about radioactive ooze to dispute that
so must be true what its place us your
outdoor area is amazing implanted I see
the ones that I haven't seen before what
kind of facial product are you using
your skin looks great lowered visual
lights thanks for asking great good your
outdoor area is amazing where do you get
your ideas oh it's nothing just a little
something I saw on HD magazine
politically known as I see what is the
AC stand for a dick she real innovators
okay they made for IG sexy again yeah
was it ever a fashion Club like you
probably love to a fashion clip as any
side effects I might need to leave you
now yeah I might need to leave now this
stench is too great see you later can I
put on this can I can I use cutting-edge
technology high-tech keypad security
draw normal crayon compelling burglars
to go back to art school with the
effective it's not even real look
besides I don't need to go inside to see
more priceless books furniture okay fair
enough all right we're gonna leave this
episode of paradigm here my god this
game is good I love this it's so funny I
really like the art style too they like
this is nice but they at the close of
faces of them away the mouse move it
everything really really good I like it
a lot it's really fun I can't wait to
play more of a planning thank you guys
so much for watching this episode, if you
liked it, punch that like button in the face
like a boss!!  And high fives all around
( *wapoosh* *wapoosh*) but thank you guys and I will see all you dudes,
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
(Outro Song- "I'm everything By Teknoaxe")
Oh Lee looking around like new shoes
moon boots the ones that had the springs
in them from like the 80s and 90s
