 
### MANY FACES OF THE SAME WOMAN?

Published by Tracy Lee Dixon

### Copyright 2010 Tracy Lee Dixon at Smashwords

All rights to this work in exclusively owned and reserved to Mr. Tracy Dixon

Permission must be obtained in writing to use this work for other than its reading intended purpose.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

_This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author_ _._

Contact Tracy

tracydixonny@gmail.com ****facebook.com/tracydontplaythat

### MANY FACES OF THE SAME WOMAN?

Table of contents

Intro: \- You are not the Father

Chapter 1 The beginning of the End

Chapter 2 The story of Maria

Chapter 3 The Pimp Game

Chapter 4 A Mothers advice

Chapter 5 Miss Mahogany Gorne

Chapter 6 Kelly girl

Chapter 7 Susan the Gypsy

Chapter 8 Dr. Ellen Watson

Chapter 9 Ashley the Angel

Chapter 10 Lisa Love

Chapter 11 The Signs of Monique

Chapter 12 Sandy from Saint Croix

Chapter 13 Jasmine's promise

Chapter 14 Riding with The Devil - Annette aka Pinocchio

Chapter 15 Salvation and Deliverance

Poem - We must grow on

Intro: You - are not the Father

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

The date was March 15th, 2005, right after my Mother's birthday. I had managed to put together money for a nice gift for her this year, but overall I was pretty much broke at this time of my life. The rain pouring down was relentless in its attack on my cheap umbrella, my defense was useless. Soaked from head to toe I fought against the wind mixed with killer bucket sized drops as I carried on toward the corner store gas station. I had no choice, because you see I was suffering from a case of deep cigarette jones and the six pack chills. It is amazing how our addictive habits and behaviors will cause us to endure the most treacherous of conditions.

Man verses the wild seemed to be the order of the day. I arrived in very wet fashion, grabbing some beer and ordering a pack of New York over taxed smokes. The twenty dollars instantly turned into confetti as if the cashier had a blender hidden inside the register. I said to the young man; "Inflation is an understatement nowadays, all I got back is coins." You see after the terrible events of 9-11- 2001 New York became even more expensive, stretching beyond the money vacuum we know it already was. One would figure, considering that so many of us lost our livelihoods and took major pay cuts do to the alleged terrorism - the Politicians would give us a break somewhere or somehow. But then, they wouldn't be Politicians now would they? Capitalizing on all opportunities available, good or bad too increase revenue via - into their pockets not ours. The name of the game was suffer, suffer, suffer, and plenty of people were doing just that.

I unfortunately, happened to be one of them, because the music business turned very volatile. If the sneaks, snakes and sharks could get a cheaper performer or Deejay, you were out of work. I easily took an eighty percent reduction from 9 - 11, and now mostly survived on fumes. The walk back home, three blocks gave me as much hell as coming to get the smokes. Trying to light one up was futile, I managed one or two drags before the rain drenched out the fire and all hopes of smoking until I made it back home. A block away from my house I noticed a crowd under a large tent. I don't know how I missed them the first time passing by, but a religious revival of some type was taking place. I paused to listen for a second to hear what was going on. Mixed as was the neighborhood of Bellerose Terrace, the seventy five to eighty people stood clapping and cheering. The Pastor was ranting and raving about the goodness of God's grace as he preached with emotion to them;

"Our Church may have burned down, but the flame of God is still inside of us, we shall build again. You know through Christ, no storm can stop us from meeting or congregating. For if he is with us, then what force can stand against us."

The crowd cheered him on, and even amidst the mighty thunder of the storm, lightening he feared none, for he commanded his audience. He was a Joel Osteen looking man, tall and well tailored. I respected his passion but I had no intention of stopping in. I needed to get home this morning, needed to do some heavy thinking about why I felt like God - had abandoned me. I moved on with my wet jeans sticking to my legs, my umbrella was long lost in the wind by now. It was just me and the elements. I would say the cold water was all the revival I needed to experience today. Entering the small room I rented I stripped out of the wet clothes and opened a cold beer. I sat on the old chair near the bare window naked as the day I was born I turned on the small television. I smoked three squares in a row steering out into space, busy wondering how my life became so mediocre. I had a pregnant woman due now any day, a crazy woman coming over later this afternoon and no income to claim as my own. Tired and alone I began to drift off to sleep after I guzzled the forth beer. But just before I did, I heard the television show host say; 'Tim, I have the DNA test results right here. In the case of four month old baby Jenny - you are not the Father!"

Chapter 1 The beginning of the End

Romans 3:10-13 there is no one who is righteous. No one is wise or worships God. They have all turned away from God: they have all gone wrong No one does what is right not even one. Their words are full of deadly deceit.

I woke up with a hangover and was headed for Philly that afternoon. I got a call that Jasmine went into labor early. We had newborn twins, Precious and Priceless. This was the first children for Jasmine, but my third. 'Man Sebastian,' I thought to myself, 'you have three now, wow what a jump from one child.' I switched lanes and the new 300M roared across the road, begging for more speed. I was in a hurry so I tapped the gas and zoom, what a nice car. Fine engine sleek shape, fully loaded with leather and a sun roof sweet, real sweet. Too bad the owner wasn't as nice, in fact she wasn't very nice at all.

Annette was as ghetto as her name. She sat in the passenger seat with her legs crossed in her typical I'm sophisticated pose, chewing my ear off with the usual Annette nonsense. She reminded me of a dog chasing its tail. Annette was too dumb to ever know when to quit. She was an intellectual, you know, one of those people that knew all the answers but the problem was she didn't know any of the questions. Her life consisted of a placebo of contradictions. Suddenly it became clear to me Annette had an identity complex. Even though she was fully equipped with her Master's Degree, conservative clothes and proper English speech dictionary manners, Annette was self delusional. Her high class North Carolina upbringing obviously had damaged the common sense section of her brain. One minute she spoke all proper, like a Senators daughter. Then the next minute she became Ghetto Girl, with the head movements and outdated slang to match.

Too me she was a white girl trapped inside a black girl's body. 'Man that's a shame,' hey I have nothing against white girls, but I prefer the real ones, not some fake mixed up wannabe like she was. Here I was in my prime, looking pretty good for thirty five years young, my six foot frame had lost a little bulk recently from all the stress and not eating right, but at one hundred eighty five pounds with a half a six pack left I wasn't complaining. My coco brown skin still had a nice glow that set off my rugged good looks. As I glanced in the rear view mirror and removed my New York hat, I could see that I was well over due for a haircut. My fade was just about gone and my rounded face showed bags under my light brown eyes. My goatee was still intact hey I just shaved that up this morning before the rain adventure. 'Huh,' I chuckled to myself. 'you still looking good kid, you still got the glow.' Annette continued to chew my ear off while I ignored her busy deep in my thoughts. Man an average chic acting fly what a waste.

At thirty eight plus years old Annette was attractive, but overall still average in looks. There is nothing worse than an average person acting super fly, a man or woman, right? She had light smooth skin with the plain Jane type of body, no outstanding parts to talk about. Her face told the story of her guilt for sure, it was always riddled with stress and she wore the smile of an evil old lady from the back woods of nowhere. Annette; however, did posses big pretty eyes like a gold fish. Yes her eyes were her best feature no question. Her head was surely too big for her five foot hundred twenty pound frame. But those eyes, those big beautiful eyes were one of a kind. I hated the sight of her burgundy long haired weave, it looked even faker then she acted, which is saying a whole lot. She walked with confidence in her swagger, but the rest of her disposition said; 'if you're smart stay away.'

Well I guess at that time of my life I wasn't very smart. You know honestly, if Annette wasn't such a drama queen I might have gotten serious with her. If she cut out the Holly -Weird act, and started accepting and admitting some reality, who knows, I might just have considered it. But as it stood I never trusted or took her serious about anything. She had been running from the truth about herself for so long that she actually believed her own lies. I'd come to learn in life that self delusion in a recipe for disaster, this mind state creates the most dangerous of all people. I met Annette in New Orleans sometime back while I lived there with Jasmine in 2003. I only lived there a short eight months, went fishing and managed to catch the lousiest fish in the water. A plain old goldfish with no gold, stuck in a bowl of lost time. As they say, New Orleans is a fun filled sinful town. Everyone knows that by its reputation, but damn, I never expected to meet a true demon like Annette.

I can remember it all like it was yesterday, Jasmine was in the early stages of pregnancy, feeling unattractive and refusing my sexual advances. After trying to tell her she was still very beautiful to no success. I finally went out on a Saturday night hunting for a quick lay. I stopped at a rundown bar downtown called The Dead End, I should have known better, just by the name. Anyway, I met Annette there while I was having a few whiskey sours. She loved drugs, dives, tattoos and any other sinful pleasure that God would condemn. I guess low life surroundings made her feel superior. She came on with that high-class talk in a no class place, and I saw right through it. She was a fake, flake bullsh-- artist. So I took her out to the parking lot and banged her brains out in her car, what a nice girl right? Yeah, sure, she was more like a nymphomaniac freak who loved it any and every way possible. After two days with me drilling deep inside her like I was searching for oil in the Gulf of Mexico. She threw her old man out her house and tried to convince me to move in with her, I told her; "Hell no, sweetheart, that's not going to happen, I'm only in New Orleans on business, not forever - listen close. I'm from New York baby, and New York is calling me back home." Not even two months after I moved back to New York, Annette found some excuse to move there too. She stayed with her sister in Jamaica Queens just a few minutes from me. She sold her house, furniture and everything she could, why? Don't ask me, of course she claimed it had nothing to do with me, hey you figure it out.

Anyway on this present day we were riding to Philadelphia together. Jasmine had moved back with the wicked witch, her mother when we came back up north. It was all good and I kind of encouraged her to do just that, I was tired of the struggling we went through. Jasmines promise turned out to be nothing more than dust in the wind. Ok -Philly here I come, the plan for the day was to arrive and drop me off at the hospital to handle my business, while Annette went to go to find a hotel lay low and wait for me. But as usual her insecure controlling drama queen routine, I need some drugs act was in full effect. In fact it was in rare form, I didn't mind a little get high every now and then but damn, Annette never quit. I could feel the pressure on my eyebrows like heavy weights whenever she was present. You know - I was only using her for her car and some money here and there anyway, but the price was getting too high, literally too high and I wanted out. I knew the end of us was coming soon. Her low life ass was headed downhill, real, real, real, and I do mean real fast.

As I drove along the New Jersey Turnpike, I glanced at her out the side of my eye, in total disgust. I wondered how things were going for Jasmine all alone at the hospital waiting on me, mister show up late – as I had too often been in life. The radio was playing a famous Jay-Z song. The lyrics rang out at a medium level, 'politics as usual,' yes that's exactly what it was. I turned it up a notch to help me to drown out Annette's constant, negative annoying yapping. Politics as usual was what it was, Jasmine in Philadelphia with her family pre arranged life, being controlled at every turn. And I was suffering my fate back in New York with the professional drama queen living just minutes away. Jasmine was the Cinderella of her family, the finest of them all. 'Man Sebastian,' I told myself silently, 'never ever hook up with a French snotty chic again.' That whole better than Americans attitude nonsense I went through with Jas was crazy, her family always tried to come between us.

Jasmine never stood up for herself, she was spineless. Her family believed in that control arranged marriage type of life for her. Needless to say, I wasn't the one they had in mind. They felt I was too old and broke for her twenty eight year old tender fine existence. Well we have twins together now, so they can kiss my ass and just get over it. Annette was the total opposite of Jas, no one controlled her. Nobody could ever change her mind. Not even me, it seemed especially not me. I saw a sign up ahead that read, Philadelphia city limits fifty more miles. Annette was still yapping and yapping like a wild boar on a rampage.

"Man Annette, could you shut up for a minute? I'm trying to think over here. Look if you not talking dollars then you are not making sense to me so drop it ok, just drop it." She squirmed around in her seat aggressively facing me. As she did so I got a nice glimpse of her smooth thigh as the black skirt rose way above her knee. Well she did have some good vagina no question there, hell I almost wanted to pull over and sample a little taste, but before I knew it she shouted out.

"No I am not dropping, nothing Sebastian and look who's talking like your ass don't talk more than me. However; unlike you, I listen to people and absorb what they have to say. You don't, and you do not understand me at all. Why is it you cannot take out time to hear me and respect my feelings Sebastian." She was in a heated mood today - Annette was in the Senator's daughter mode. Her voice irritated me the most when she spoke like this. She opened the window a flicked her cigarette butt carelessly out then turned right back to me.

"Instead you come up with a world full of excuses to ask me to be quiet." Annette turned the radio completely off and folded her arms like a child who couldn't get an ice cream from their mother. The frown she displayed on her face could've scared Dracula and his whole army away. I knew I had to play along when she was this upset.

"Alright go ahead Annette I'm listening to you what's good mommy." I tried to humor her a bit, but it didn't work, she shouted back at me with a snare.

"No, forget it you're just trying to satisfy me, forget it. You will never grasp the concept of love and sharing. You see I know for a fact men today are lost in their direction of how to even deal with a strong independent woman. That's why, us real woman of high social class and status, refuse to be in the company of those that don't respect us as equals. Like most men today have the whole situation confused. You seem to lack the necessary vernacular to comprehend this. You got it confused mister- you think I am some dumb girl who you can play on."

Confused was right, I was confused, at the fact of how I ever wound up with her in the first place. On and on she went without pause. Annette's mouth only had two speeds, full steam ahead and total shutdown. If I said yes, she said no, if I said no, she said yes. What a waste of time we couldn't succeed at anything together. She knew too much, and needed to control every moment of the day. She was the type to try to tell the sun what time to rise in the morning, if you know what I mean? A female like that needs another woman; she was way, way too much man for me, too conniving and extra negative. How in the hell did I end up with her? She wasn't even my type - not at all, I liked soft-spoken gentle women, not loud mouth trash. How did I get up with her crazy ass? After having beautiful women and success that most men would kill for, it would seem I was now a failure at everything. Where did I go wrong, what exactly was the beginning of my end?

I thought about it as the road narrowed due to construction ahead. What about the good women I blew. Like Ashley she was sweet as an angel and she loved me, should we try again? We do have a son together, and then there was Sandy. She was a great catch, I should have treated her better Sandy was very good to me - I messed up on that one. Ironically both of them were from the Virgin Islands, Ashley- Saint Thomas and Sandy- Saint Croix. These islands produced two of the best woman I had ever met. What about Mahogany? She could have been my wife, my rib, it's so sad what happened to her, real sad. Kelly and I also had a deep love, the white and black color difference didn't matter at all, at least not to us. Why is life so cruel to some and so generous to others? Or was it me and my personality causing all this mayhem, well maybe some of it but not in all cases it just couldn't be. Now Monique - well, huh, that sneaky ass Monique was a trip, man oh man, Sebastian, you loved you some Monique. I often wonder why I still feel something inside for her. She did me so wrong, real dirty and right at the time of 9 -11. She was my total downfall both me and The Twin Towers fell in that era. Plus I lost so much money, and she had the nerve too, she actually had the nerve too, too.

I paused in mid thought and looked over to see a silent Annette leaning on the window still pouting. Wait a minute; I went back to thought, Monique wasn't the beginning of the end. Maria was the beginning of the end, years ago when I was a young stud at seventeen. Maria began the whole thing I – I, My thoughts were suddenly interrupted, Annette was yelling again. The silent moment was short lived.

"Sebastian, slowdown player, this ani't no Hyundai, you'll get there soon enough. Sh-- they born now, your ass missed it. Your late either way so fu-- it, take your time. You hear me? Hey, hey, you should stop daydreaming and pay more attention to the car, look, we need gas we down to a quarter tank. Take this next exit coming up, let's stop downtown fill up and thrill up. I heard they got the best trees around here, we can cop sum tin player."

Annette had switched from Senators daughter into Ghetto Girl; her one-track mind always conveniently came up with an excuse to get high. She used any reason to hit the hood, day or night, and catch the white tee shirt bike-riding boys for some stimulation. Sometimes, ha, well actually most times I felt like smacking her right out the car. Little did I know, in the months to come ahead that would all basically come true? But stuck in time, I couldn't get over having to start my life all over again. I couldn't get over needing Annette. In some strange way I knew I still needed her. After having a nice life with a house, cars, diamonds, stocks, bank accounts, credit cards and plenty of gorgeous women, I now needed Annette. Women are a man's fatal flaw I tell you, it is built into the design as a safety mechanism. Women, women, women - that was my downfall. And it all started with Maria, Yeah, Maria was the beginning of the end for me. Annette yelled again at me, grabbing the wheel like a madman.

"I told you to slowdown the car player, find me some drugs, sh-- let's get high baby. This was a long ass ride Sebastian, I know you hear me, can we get high baby?" I felt myself weakening and giving in to her demands I moved over a few lanes prepared to exit the highway.

"Annette you know you can mess up a wet dream for a brother, just shut up already please, I'm trying to concentrate, trying to think over here." She unbuckled her seat belt and moved over towards me.

"I will give you a wet dream and something to think about baby, lean your ass back a little. Whenever you want me quiet Sebastian, just stick something in my mouth baby." I pretended to move away but I had nowhere to run.

"I am driving Annette, stop you can't do that while I'm on a highway I might crash or something." Annette laughed and kept on going, reaching for my pants, as she did so she said to me.

"Yeah right, you never crashed before with your expert driving ass, you love it like this, it turns you on now move your arm." I had my arm blocking her path, I put up one last fight telling her.

"No serious I'm trying to think here, you ahh, you - ahhhhh, Annette you nasty no good, oh, oh, oh yeah, keep sucking baby, damn that feels good." Annette gave the best head in all of the United States - that was a fact I could testify too. I drifted back off as she worked me over lovely and went back into my thinking, where was I, thinking about Maria the beginning of the end........

**Chapter 2 The story of Maria**

One day while sitting at home I was watching The Discovery Channel. They listed the top ten deadly predators on earth. The list was typical, the great white shark, the crocodile, komodo dragon and several venomous snakes. After watching for a minute, I said to myself. 'I guess they never met a woman because none of these hunters are nearly as deadly.'

Genesis 2: 22-23 Then the rib which The Lord had taken from Man he made into woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man."

I met Maria at a party a house party in Central Islip Long Island. We were both about seventeen. This was back in the summer of 1987 during Hip Hop music's, big explosion. Yes Sebastian, man you were the most famous MC around. I just had got to the spot after being dragged by my man Desi and Desire. Joe was there already and they all insisted I rip the microphone for this crowd. So as I stepped up center stage, and prepared to take no prisoners I dropped some hot lyrics like:

I'm well tuned to precision like a brand new Benz.

I came to wipe off that front that you been telling your friends.

I got it right watch me recite the dope lyrics tonight.

The names Sebastian, but bud don't take me light.

It's the same old story, another wack MC.

Saying he took somebody out -- well it sure ani't me.

I came prepared and I ani't scared where he at, Where he at?

Oh ahhhh, I thought I saw a puddycat.

See I am the best to ever do it, and I ani't try to brag.

But like a Lamborghini I got stupid coefficient drag.

I'm the poet named Sebas but my nicknames cash.

Put me on a mic and I'll destroy that ass.

Yes, I'm the the big booty squeezer.

And I'll hit a di-- teaser.

Take an honest woman make that ass into a skeezer.

I take them blind crippled crazy, but she can't be pushing eighty.

Special shout out – thanks for the riiiiiide' --- lady.

MCs I be ditching, so compadre stop your bit--in.

Living large, please, I gotta take a piss from the kitchen.

When I die I'll come back to rock a track from the grave.

Hitting so many stunts, you can call me Super Dave.

So if you love her keep her close cause I still hit rookies.

Punanny bang the fanny, snatch her Girl Scout cookies, and jet

She not home yet, don't get upset, when she left me she wore a rassssberry barrett.

And aches and pains from the banging that she got down below.

You took a short, she took it long, so now you know, too watch the flow.

As I change -- the secret service ran from my rhymes.

From the old school, ruling in these new school times.

I got lyrics like, ka-ka K mart got discount sh--.

Make a MC catch lockjaw, just like a pit –

Bull from a sucker that's never gonna phase me.

Boom, Boom now ani't it great to be craaaazy.

After killing all the competition with ease, I walked around the place knowing I was the man. Yeah I felt like the king that day, you couldn't tell me nothing. The lights were dim with a red tint thing happening. A few dance floor showoffs were tripping the light fantastic while the ever present wallflowers held up the wall. Maria was one of those wallflowers, standing there in the distance close to the stairs for easy exit access. I could tell she didn't belong here, she didn't belong anywhere. In fact she wasn't from this world. She was more beautiful than a Sunrise in Venezuela, finer than ten million silk linens. And built like a Thoroughbred Stallion, running free in the Amazon. Her body was so incredible that I'm sure God had to wonder how he - even created it. I fell in love instantly. She had that one in a zillion look that every women wishes for. By today's standards if Maria entered a room, with Halle Berry, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Zelma Hyatt, Jennifer Lopez, Gabrielle Union and Beyonce Knowles, they would all plot to kill her instantly. I mean hands down collectively, any man would still take Maria rather than have them all together.

Maria's name was common but she wasn't. She had long smooth legs and a red bone skin complexion. Her perfect profile and an unbelievable shape seemed a perfect match, for her shoulder length natural golden hair. Maria could hypnotize a man with her dark green eyes that battered at you like a cat. That's why I nicknamed her Cat Woman. In the dictionary under beauty, you can still find her picture, (framed.) It was obvious she was mixed with some Latino flavor, but still clearly a woman of color. The Deejay played a slow jam by New Edition, 'Is this the end,' rang through the speakers as I slowly walked towards her losing all sense of space and time. With every step I took, she seemed to get further and further away. My heart pounded so fast and hard I was sure you could see it beating through my designer sweat shirt. Many obstacles better known as people were in the way, causing me to zigzag a path on this long journey. I kept a straight face during this endless quest of enormous magnitude. Finally, after what seemed like years I arrived, the full fifty five steps across the room. I was standing next to my future, my wife, my all, my rib, but I had no idea what to say. So I said something simple like, "Hi, I'm Sebastian would you like to dance?" Maria to my surprise, reached for my hand and smiled, I headed right for the center of the floor.

I found a spot where we could easily be seen, meanwhile the loser who was trying to talk to her just stood there with his mouth open wide in disbelief. He had been shooting his weak game since before I ever spotted Maria. Saying not much I guess, oh well if you slow you blow, no game no score you know the rules. I put my arms around Maria's waist as we danced and I entered into the gates of Heaven. The music changed to Heat Wave's hit song 'Always and Forever,' that was just perfect for the moment. Maria broke the silence first and said to me. "Thanks, you saved me that guy was hounding me, and he had very bad breath." I laughed and looked her dead in the eye then told her with a truly charming tone;

"Well I am surprised that every guy in here tonight didn't try talking to you, as fine as you are." Blood could be seen running to her cheeks as she blushed. Maria smiled a big bright sunshine glow into the place before stating;

"Actually to be honest most of them did, but I was not impressed with any approach. I know who you are though Sebastian, everyone knows who you are. In fact I came here tonight hoping to hear you kick your fly rhymes, you know catch you recite poetry. You're the talk of the town rumor is you are the best of the best. By the way my name is Maria." That was all I needed to hear, now I had the confidence to make my move. I slipped my hands down her back gently caressing the top of her buttocks. We swayed to the music for a few more minutes before I suggested we have some alone time.

"Well Maria, I am sure glad to meet you, let's go somewhere a little more private and talk if you don't mind." She didn't even blink before agreeing. "Ok let's go."

Wow I was surprised at how easy that was, she was apparently feeling me. You know it is funny how dumb men can be for a beautiful woman. The red flag of caution should have gone up right then, I mean look - it's like Woody Allen said; "I don't want to be a member of any Club that would have me as a member." I identify with that statement, and this Club was way too easy to join. I should have used more common sense, but being every man's envy and shining in your moment of glory can do things to make you forget your own rules and regulations.

So off together we went, and sat in the back of my man Desi's custom van. We puffed on some bomb ass weed while listening to my Delphonics tape, 'Tell me this is a dream somebody' could be heard lightly in the background. Yeah, I had a few uncles that taught me well about the importance of musical selection to set up the mood. I shot as much game as cool and debonair as I possibly could. I sold her trillion dollar dreams with a poor man's underline schemes. Man I tell you that night my whole life changed. I only made it too second base, but the smoke blowing out the window, and the van rocking from our moving around was enough to piss off the haters that formed outside the party, hoping to see me fail. They were left to use their imagination as they tried to peek through the tinted windows. Yeah it was all quite enough for me to know that I won player of the year that night. All bets were off - I won it, hands down. Inside the van my heart was on my sleeve and Maria although acting innocent and coy had played me right into position. I was doomed from that day on - her face, body, voice, smile, smell and total disposition had me captivated in her world, the world of untapped beauty. I had to have her, had to close this deal and make her my woman.

"Maria, check it, I like your style, I am going to call you Cat Woman. We should stay in touch and get together more often. Let's continue this new found relationship, that I see very possibly lasting for a lifetime baby. I mean you and me, what a success story. I can see it, just imagine us sitting side by side at the Oscars and the Grammy awards, you feel me? If we play our cards right, were headed for the top of the world."

Maria crossed her sensational red tone legs. She seductively ran her hands over them to remind me of how lucky I was to be this close. Then slowly pointed her perfectly painted toes at me and said in a very sexy voice.

"Let's do it, I'm with that all the way Sebastian. They said you were real talented, but after actually hearing you live, kicking it like you just did in the party. I can see why you are so famous, and I know for a fact you are going straight to stardom. I would love to be there with you. Also, you are a lot nicer than people say you are. I don't see nothing wrong with you, count me in I'm down all the way."

We sealed the deal with a long sensuous tongue kiss that left me dizzier then the marijuana we were smoking. Down together we became, and that's the way it went for a good minute, at least a year or so. I took Maria with me to shows and MC battles all over New York. Maria 'the baddest chic and I top MC all around town holding it down. We often shopped for fly wears and rode limousine style. I had a little money flowing, please I always won bank at most MC contest. Then things changed all together, you see Maria went to Private School, Saint Paul's in Baldwin Long Island and I fresh out of Brooklyn, now in public School Freeport High, comfortably enjoying my young star life. No question I had me a few side honeys to play with. The main reason for that was Maria told me she was a virgin saving herself for marriage. I got plenty of sex from other girls but not her. I didn't stress it because I believed she was my future wife anyway. I figured hey it's no big deal. I will get to hit that ass on the honeymoon, and every day after until infinity. This was a mistake I only made once in my life. From her I learned you always go for the gusto, sample the milk way before you buy the cow. Anyway, one day I was at school and shut my hall locker just as the first period bell rang, and I found myself looking directly into Maria's beautiful face.

"What the, hey baby what you doing here, you cutting school or something?" she stood there looking better than ever like a dream angel in my presence.

"No Sebastian I changed schools, I go here now isn't that nice? We can be together every day now, eating lunch hanging out and all that." The shocking news caught me way off guard.

"Ahh, yeah, that's great baby, come on, tell me all about it on my way to class. I got shop right now, I working on a top secret master creation." She smiled and batted those Cat Woman eyes at me as her hips swayed a tune that made the air happy she was alive.

"Yeah right, you can write and rap very well, but I don't know about you creating anything masterful in shop, you have to show me." I grabbed her hand hoping not to be seen by too many others and we walked away together.

"Alright, you will see soon enough, you sexy thing." That day I played everything off well, but us together in the same school, 'oh hell no.' None of my other girls went to the same School as me. The reason why is, a man needs his privacy. How can you concentrate on School work with your woman always around hounding you for all the attention. I felt cramped with her up under me like that. I mean, we usually hung out after School anyway, but all day and then after School was too much for me. As a result we soon feel out, and had a lot of petty little arguments. I guess one could say we were both young and dumb at the time. I loved my trophy woman Maria, but I was also a small time player, I had the bug - you know the local fame bug. Women chased me every time I showed up someplace, it was very hard to resist. And besides, all that Maria started to get into the whole public School thing too much for me. All the drama of cutting class and hanging out tempted her. She went from a good girl Private School 'A' student to a common 'B' student. I guess the curiosity of The Cat Woman inside her, was finally released.

She began hanging out with the wrong crowd, and the word on the street was that she was even having sex with a few guys behind my back. In my heart of hearts I didn't want to believe any of it, I loved her way too much. The thought of me being the sucker who was supposed to be the man ate at my very soul. I put it off as long as I possibly could then I just had to get to the bottom of it all. I remember confronting her about everything just before spring break. We were in my fly bedroom with the mood lights and many conversation pieces splashed all around, smoking weed, drinking wine and listening to some reggae by Steel Pulse, yeah hot I know.

"Listen baby girl, I'm not trying to say it's true, I am just saying look at the girls you rolling with. Linda and Denise, they are bad news for real, you know that. Now Latoya and Barbara, they are nice girls, why don't you hang with them a little more?" Maria was spread out across my bed looking like she was modeling for a mattress company. Man I would have brought the whole store with an advertisement with Maria in it. She popped up on her elbow, flung her hair around, batted those eyes at me then spoke.

"I don't like Latoya, she's a snob, she thinks she is all that because she's smart, and Barbara, huh, please, she is a stuck up bit--." I stopped rolling the joint in my hand, 'at once' and gave Maria a mean look as I pounced on the edge of the bed.

"Hey watch your mouth about my friend's, I happen to like them both" She smacked her teeth at me batted her deadly piercing eyes, sat straight up then came back with.

"Well excuse me, but like you said, your friends not mine. Sebastian, why are you worried anyway? You know how people love to talk garbage. They are always acting like they got something out of a girl, it's typical." Maria let out small giggle and grin, before she continued her defense;

"Now you know that's a big lie, you are the only one who ever even got as far as third base with me. You had your fingers inside so you know it is tight baby, and when we get married you are getting the whole enchilada. I can't wait to give myself to you Sebastian. If it weren't for my religious beliefs I would rip your clothes off right now. You just don't know how hard it is for me to resist going all the way." She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and the scent of her incredible perfume sent chills throughout my body.

"I am so, so, hot for you Sebastian, Just stay true to me and believe in me, you will be more than satisfied in the end." The room started to spin under my feet, I was done- her words satisfied everything romantic inside me. I wanted to believe her, I needed to believe her, so I ignored the little voice that tells us all – 'runaway fast as you can.' The Cat Woman had me in her grips and I was willing to wait this one out and see what the future had in store.

"Maria look here, I feel like I have to bet on your fine ass baby, that's for sure. I just don't want my star woman, my queen, being talked about by nobody, so all I'm saying is watch the company you keep. People are quick to pass judgment based on who you are around on a regular basis. You know that I am not telling you - nothing new baby." She knew that she won this standoff, and she swooped in for the closing of the deal.

"I know, I know, you're right but hey, they talk about you all the time and I don't trip on it. Let the haters, hate, that's their job. You know how many times girls have got in my face saying they were with you - Mr. Poet. If I let that stuff bother me I would have been gone. You're popular and famous, I expect to hear rumors. It goes in one ear and out the other, I know who you love, and I know who I commit my everlasting love too, you baby and only you."

Maria had me mesmerized under some magical spell. I would have believed anything she told me that night. I was no sucker or idiot; I just wanted to be with her, so I bet my all. Right after that conversation I stopped seeing other chic's, and spent much more time with Maria. Meanwhile Linda and Denise were busy feeding her trickery, and poison darts mixed with plenty of marijuana. She was blind to their devious plan to destroy her reputation. Maria had no idea that they despised her beauty. She really thought she had some good friends.

A few months later the streets were telling stories about Maria meeting a Player with a lot of money, jewelry and a nice ride. The word, was while he was in town visiting from Las Vegas he spent up a thousand dollars on her. The truth is I had a real hard time catching up with her that week. When I finally did I was a little upset - you think? And you know what, looking back on it now I didn't handle the situation with much finesse or sensitivity. Maria finally showed up at my house about 10pm about three days later.

"My, my, my, look what the cat dragged in, Cat Woman herself. Haven't we been busy on the prowl these days? What do I owe for the honor of you blessing me with your presence, it must be my birthday?" I wasn't in a good mood and had an attitude instead of the love that I generally gave her. Opening the door she walked right past me, no kiss nothing. She grabbed a quick seat in the living room instead of heading upstairs to my room. She crossed her long legs in usual fashion but still looked extremely suspicious.

"Ha, ha very funny Sebastian, you are a real comedian, maybe you should think about switching professions. By the way it sure took you long enough to answer your door, I've been ringing the bell for ten minutes." I headed upstairs and answered with my back turned.

"Well too bad - no one else is home and I was busy, didn't hear it." Maria followed me as I knew she would, but her walk and confidence had noticeably changed.

"You don't have to dog me out Sebastian, I know your upset with me, but I can explain everything." Now in my room I shut the door behind her and leaned back against it with my body flexing in slow anger.

"Oh really, this should be interesting I just cannot wait to hear all about it. You have been missing in action for over a week, not to mention when I spoke to you two nights ago you said you would call me right back. You didn't, but you can explain it all, well go ahead start explaining Maria, I'm listening." She paced my floor nervously, something I had never seen her do before. 'The cat was cornered' with nowhere to go, so she clawed.

"You know what Sebastian, forget it, just give me a cigarette please, I need to smoke a cigarette?" Now I knew I was in the room with a stranger because Maria didn't smoke.

"A cigarette, since when did you start smoking? I know you smoke weed and that's no good, but cigarettes too, since when?" She moved to the bed and finally sat down.

"Sebastian cut the act ok I'm tired and been through hell, my grandmother died last night, can I have a dam cigarette?" I began to talk louder as my anger rose.

"Your Grandmother died, you mean the one I spoke to today, who told me you left hours ago with some nice young man, that grandmother?" She came back quickly with an answer.

"No silly my Grandmother on my Father's side, and the nice young man my Grandma at, my house mentioned, is simply my friend Chuck from Private School. Chuck gave me a ride to the city so I could be present for the arrangements. He is very supportive nothing more, nothing less. My family is really shaken up we have to stick together, I'm so sorry, I should've called to let you know." I sat down in my big chair way across the room in total disgust.

"Yeah well Maria, it seems to me your losing interest in my importance, and have gained interest in other things. What the hell happened to you Maria? You use to be a real class act, top of the line. Now look at you, you don't even have that unique glow. Your face, your hair everything is changing. Your clothes are real nice, Chanel huh, that's top of the line, who brought you all this? You know what - It doesn't even matter cause, all you are is a dressed up garbage can, you slipping big time miss." Maria stood up, bent forward in an angry pose and shouted at me like I was her child and needed scolding. She never looked so ugly to me as in that heated moment, and there was nothing sexy about her anymore.

"Whatever Sebastian, you're the one that has changed, not me Mr. Big time MC, Deejay you call me after all your little whores leave here. You think I don't know? Please, one day back a few weeks I saw a little ugly roach looking tramp sneaking out your house and she was grinning her ass off, just as happy as can be. I kept on stepping like I didn't see her, but from the way she was smiling you must've hit that booty good hah? Now stop stalling and give me a cigarette, I need it, please."

By now I jumped up and closed into her, and we were basically spitting in each other's face. I really felt the urge to grab her and kiss her but - young and angry I lacked such a skill. I had nothing but rage and disappointment inside me for such an ungrateful bit--.

"Hold up, what would you know about hitting it good? It sounds like you got some experience in the area, miss virgin-ness, or are we ready to change up our story now, huh? I heard about your Las Vegas rich man Maria, you think I am stupid, huh really." Maria put her hands on her hips clenched her teeth, took a deep breath then told me.

"Ok' you want to go there, fine let's go there. Maybe I am a virgin, or maybe I'm not. It doesn't matter because you weren't man enough to find out anyway, now were you Sebastian?" I held my fist up to her face ready to strike out with the speed of a lion.

"Maria, you are pushing my limits you asking for an ass whipping. As a rule I don't hit woman, so if I were you, I would watch my mouth sister. I am not some clown in town." This only made her more furious and now she even pointed back at me.

"Fu-- you Sebastian, you touch me and my brother will kill you. Can you just give me a damn cigarette?" I lit a cig for myself knowing that would bring her to higher anger.

"Your brother, will what, that punk, ani't doing nothing to me this way. You want a cigarette hear take it you little fake lying ass snake trick." I threw a few smokes at her and one actually grazed her in the face before falling on the floor.

"Oh so now you throw cigarettes at me, this is what we have come too? Ok I got your trick watch this, Goodbye Sebastian." I was not about to back down so I went along.

"Yeah whatever stunt I see you picked those cigarettes up, you not in that much of a rush to leave. You can be that way fu-- it hey, I got plenty of women - wait slow down a minute, you about to trip on the steps. Are you really leaving? Maria we need to talk about this some more. Where are you going wait a minute, wait?"

Maria lit the cigarette and was smoking like a chimney while headed out the door. That was the last time we were ever together. As her fine ass walked down the spring colored street, the flowers and trees seemed to tell me it was over. They swayed in the light wind that blew singing to me, 'you lost her, you lost her love forever,' but denial is not a river in Egypt - and I was full of denial that day. After playing it up to the world like it was nothing for weeks I started to worry when she didn't come back. Where was she I kept thinking, Maria stopped going to school and seemed to have disappeared off the planet. I confronted Linda and Denise and they claimed to know nothing. One day on the basketball court with my man Hp, I heard that Maria was in Vegas with that dude she met. The guy boasted on how she got turned out and was a prostitute for this cold con artist. I flipped out and broke the nose of the liar who spoke such words about my queen. Hp gladly helped me jolly stomp him. I was suspended from school after the fight and decided to quit all together, ironically I was in the 12th grade. Too embarrassed to face anyone I said to hell with the world and threw away my career and education. This was when my heavy drinking first began to take place. In June I finally got the call of closure, with all the answers.

"Hello." I didn't recognize the voice on the other end as he spoke to me.

"Yeah what up is this Sebastian?"

"Yeah, who's asking?"

"Well Sebastian, that doesn't really matter, this is a courtesy call at the top of the morning to inform you Maria is with me now. You can stop searching for the hoe, she handling a pimp's business you dig. See in pimping it's a tradition that if you snatch another pimp's hoe, you give him a courtesy call. This way he doesn't think she is dead or in jail you feel me? Now you not no pimp and probably never could be one, but I cared enough to inform you anyway." I was in disbelief and had to try real hard to hold on to my composure.

"Oh yeah I dig, and I wasn't looking for the bit-- no how. You can have the no good tramp. Did she tell you I dropped her ass and threw her out? Man she ani't sh--."

"Yeah well it's all good then Sebastian." I had tears were running down my face, but I talked up strong.

"Yeah it's all good; I didn't get your name though." He chuckled at my remark.

"I didn't give it to you player, but if you need to know, the name is Slick, as in slicker than you kid."

The sound of him hanging up came next. A courtesy call, what, ani't this a mess, man oh man I trusted this sister, didn't even get any sex what the hell. I may have been young but I knew when I'd been had. She not only lied about being a virgin but now was selling pus-- for some talking out the side of his neck raspy voice sounding clown named Slick after all that I had did for her. I called my man Joe right away. He came over and we talked while smoking some weed and drinking heavy to get drunk. I knew that after this day my life would totally change.

"Yo' Joe pour me some more of that whiskey sour, I shouldn't even be drinking any of this man this was me and Maria's drink." He stumbled and spilled more liquor than he gave me.

"I know, was there many times Sebastian, remember brother, we sipped this all the time she loved it." I was very drunk hurt and lost in my mind of confusion, madness seemed like my very best friend.

"Yeah the chic is probably drinking my mix with him right now Joe, you know that right?" Joe's words were starting to slur somewhat.

"Man Sebastian I hate to say it, but a woman that is as fine as Maria is dangerous. That's why I don't go for the super fine ones. I usually just date the average girls."

"Man shut up with that nonsense if Maria's fine ass wanted you I know you couldn't have resisted her, so stop it kid." I couldn't stand up and fell to the floor like a dead man. Joe laughed at the site of me leaning on my dresser for support dizzy and beaten.

"You right brother I would have fallen too but remember Adam and Eve man. Remember how Eve the mother of all women tricked Adam into eating poison. Remember the mother of all women Eve, and the first man, the first, Adam. That says it all Sebastian." Joe was drunk as me if not more he never talked in riddles, I almost sobered up.

"Sebas, if they are that fine, I mean as fine as Maria kid what do you expect? Sebastian Maria is finer than any woman I ever met saw or dreamed about." Silence filled the room for a second.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah thanks for sharing Joe. Now could you shut the fu-- up already, I know how fine she is but yo' what you saying is never trust none of them ever?" He made a dash for the bathroom without notice, after two minutes he reentered with more of his drunk advice.

"Well I'm saying you should have banged her man, you should have tore that ass up. You were a little too in love their pal, you sleept with all the rest of them. You even fu--d girls nobody could touch, many times Sebastian man come on, you have a gift with the ladies. I got several bad chic's in a few towns but you hey you are the man and you let this one slide kid." Joe was right I knew it, and no amount of liquor or weed could cure this broken hearted ailment.

"I know- I know but Joe she was as sweet as honey brother then all of a sudden just flipped sides on me. Anyway you think I didn't try to break her kid, you stupid. I tried she was extremely resistant. She played me Gee, yes she played me good and I am never getting played like that again, never. I vow from this day on to never get played by a no good slut again. Do you hear me Joe? I'm banging them all and not buying them chewing gum." The atmosphere was heavy with hate until Joe tried to even it out.

"Calm down man I wouldn't go that far man, just be more careful that's all you know you got to size up the situation."

"What more careful sh-- she could've fooled God himself with that angelical act, could you tell Joe for real could you?"

"Naw man, I couldn't tell she was the nicest girl I know." I found strength in the words of the argument. I stood up and had on my mean face of terror.

"Damn right son, if I see Maria again ill kill her, I tell you I will cut her black heart out and barbeque it then feed it to a dog. Man ill run her over with your car a hundred times then piss on her remains. The no good trifling backstabbing hoe, ill murder her whole family then take my biggest steak knife and."

Chock, choaack, chock, I started throwing up from all the liquor and excitement. I was in way over my head I needed some rest. Joe left and I slept the night away then woke up the next morning to the sun beaming in my back window. I got up looked in the mirror and felt terrible and ashamed. With smelly throw up splattered all over the room I felt lower than the curb. She left me; she left me for a real player, a real, a real man, a pimp. This was the first time in my life I wanted to die. At eighteen, suicide over a woman seemed like a good idea. My room was a large one filled with a maze of pictures on the walls. Mood lights and settings that were at that time every teenagers wish. Now I only wished to hide and crawl under a rock. I took some heavy blankets and covered the windows and turned out all the lights, yes darkness I was glad to be in darkness. I secluded myself in that pitch-black room for two months, barely eating just drinking alcohol.

I became a hermit, a recluse, a dungeon nomad, I remember it all like it was yesterday. I kept thinking and thinking of a solution, some way to save face and not be the towns laughing stock. I couldn't come out until I could just fix everything. I treated her like royalty I was so good to her. What the fu--! damn, where did I go wrong? The whole summer pasted by without me speaking to a sole but my Mother. She would feed me and holler up the stairs at me from time to time. Mom was just about ready to have me committed to a psycho ward she was so worried. Then one day in the beginning of September I let some sunlight in my room. I just barely cracked the dark big cover back for enough sun to please my worried Mother's nerves. Mom was a strong small woman with years of religious ties. She believed God was the answer to all people's problems. Mom often told me that The Devil was a liar and a thief who constantly tried to steal your joy. Looking back on it I should have listen to my Mother more. Her knowledge could have saved me lots of pain and suffering.

"Sebastian I don't know what's wrong with you boy, you dropped out of school and you locked yourself up behind closed doors. Let some sun in and come eat some breakfast boy. You hear me Sebastian?" Sedated with months of spirits from the winery my mind functioned in very slow motion.

"Yes Ma, I hear you give me a second ok?" From the bottom of the steps her loud voice rang out. I knew she was serious and wanted me back to normal at once.

"Ok son but don't let this food get cold. If you don't get it together today I am calling the health department you need some air up there. Let some of God's light in Sebastian." I fully pulled the cover of my windows so she could see the light under my door.

"Yes Ma I did already, I'm ok stop worrying."

I looked out my window for the first time in what seemed like forever, and saw birds skipping and chirping in my backyard. One real pretty blue jay was getting all the attention. The other birds were dropping off food to this blue jay. They pecked at each other to get close to her, oh yea must be a female bird huh, must be. Another bird that looked nowhere as nice stood ten feet away from the rest of the pack with his chest out. Yea he must be the man, the big dog. I figured this because the pretty female blue jay after collecting her prize's, flew by his side and dropped him the goods. After all the other birds gave her everything they had she gave it to her man. I made a decision right then I wanted to be the man. Not the sucker birds wishing they were the man. He was the pimp of the bird clan.

Right then it hit me in order for me to gain back my edge and self respect I had to pimp. The only way to regain my manhood is to do to another exactly what had been done to me. If another man can make a woman you love do anything for him then he is more man than you, right? I'm not sure if that is really true but I sure felt like it was and I knew that I would never feel complete unless I could do the same. This conquering part of the male ego never changes, even in animals this is true look lions do it. They let the female lion hunt for food while the male protects the territory. So that makes it logical, right? If I can't do it then I must be weaker than the men who can, and I am tired of being weaker, I shall be king of the jungle.

Goodbye Maria, hello pimping, I will show the world I will show them all, my thoughts at the time were clouded with ego and pride, and other deadly sins. And soon payment for such sins would be due; although, I was clueless in my moment of insanity. The Strange thing was at that somehow after the birds flew away, I felt grateful to Maria for teaching me how to be a man. See men don't cry, and men don't let women run them. Men pimp bit--s and get money. Goodbye Maria its curtains baby, its curtains...

**Chapter 3 the Pimp Game**

From the beginning of time woman have tricked men. This started all death and destruction. Because of her curious nature God punished all mankind. Men have been fools for beauty since the very start of creation.

Genesis 3: 2-6 and the woman said to the serpent, "we may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but the fruit of the tree in the midst of the Garden God has said," "You shall not eat nor shall you touch it, lest you die." Then the serpent said to the woman, "you will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, Knowing both good and evil." So when the woman saw he tree was good for Food and pleasant to the eyes, a tree desirable to make one wise, she took the Fruit and ate. She also gave fruit to her husband and he ate.

I called my man Hp he was extremely glad to hear my voice.

"Yo' I'm back in action brother, I'm up and ready to roll. Hp cheerfully responded.

"Word Sebastian that's good man I knew you would pull through, it's been a long time man way to long."

"I know, but I needed to get right with me you feel me? H- I got a master plan you down?"

"Well I don't know man what's the plan? I don't want to kill nobody not Maria or this Slick dude man Sebastian what you saying?" H, had a bright future in basketball, he was sure to get drafted to the NBA.

"No man, I not talking about killing nobody kid. I'm talking about pimping son, getting some hoes to bring us some cheddar, some green papers."

"Pimping you mean for real? We don't know nothing about pimping, naw, I ani't down, call Joe for that."

"Joe moved down south last month, whatever I'm doing it kid, you scared get a dog. Hey that chump dude from Vegas Slick he did it and if he could do it to Maria then I can sure as hell learn the game and do it too" Hp wasn't scared of anyone or anything; he was just more concerned with basketball scouts than getting caught up in my new scheme.

"Well do you Sebastian, I am glad to hear you feeling better but you must've hit your head or something, pimping man my mom's a kill me."

"Damn you such a good ole Long Island boy." H laughed at my teasing, he knew I was trying to temp him into it.

"Yeah, I will be that or whatever, I tell you what though. I know this guy from my job he says his brother is a pimp, a real live Mack. He might have some answers for you"

"Well hook it up Hp, see if you can get in touch with him and put him in touch with me. Tell him I'm tightening up my game and need a little advice."

"Alright, I will do that, listen we playing ball tonight at the Rec Center, come on down if you still got game."

"I will be there kid, none of you cats can play ball anyway. I guess I can come school you guys one more time." I was no match for his wicked jump shot, I just was talking smack.

"Yeah right, you wish bring it on man, I got moves you haven't even dreamed about yet." Hp had all the girls loving his court side manners; I knew we would have fun.

"Oh really we will see about that, later H let me get busy here."

"Ok later Sebastian, peace." I researched hard about pimping not wanting to be slacking when the right time came. I grabbed some books and read up fast studying all aspects of the game. I rented every VHS movie or documentary available. Read books on it and wrote down notes studying the theory as best I could. Two weeks later the call finally came in from Hp's co workers brother. I picked up the phone on the second ring.

"Hello." A smooth sounding man asked me in a mellow tone.

"Can I speak to Sebastian?"

"Yeah that's me, who diss?"

"Junnyboy, hoe checker and money collector, also known as, the top director of evening leisure pleasures. It has come to my attention that a young brother needs some schooling bout this here game." I was ready locked and loaded paying close attention.

"Oh Junnyboy glad you called man, I could use your help player, when can we meet?"

"Be on the corner of Nostrand Ave and Fulton at 8pm sharp this Friday night you heard me?"

"Loud and clear, I'm from Brooklyn anyway, born and raised there, so I know it well."

"Good cause if you one minute late I'm leaving you, I got no time to waste later young blood."

Junnyboy hung up before I could even respond, I didn't care finally I was about to learn the game first hand from a real pimp. I was as excited as a child with his first chocolate chip cookie. Life was getting good again I couldn't wait till Friday came. I showed up at 7:30 and waited to be sure not to miss Junnyboy. It was a chilly October night and I wasn't quite dressed for it. My bones were just about to cry from the wind blowing when his car pulled up to the curb. He was right on time exactly 8pm sharp. Sporting hard in a black Cadillac, hey what else would he drive I thought to myself. A nice tall glass of water, 'a real good looking chic,' jumped out the passenger side. She was a redhead white girl with a killer green mink chinchilla coat on with the matching boots. She smiled at me and hopped in the back seat.

"Get in young blood, bit--s ride in the back to Mack's you feel me?"

"Oh yeah I feel you Junnyboy, nice ride man real nice."

"Man please I got four caddy's young blood; this one is the least of all. It's my bad weather car, you just pimp hard and get yours young player." I looked the car over without being too suspicious and couldn't ever imagine such a fine machine as my bad weather car. The Cadillac was immaculate with every possible option. Junnyboy kept on filling my ear with info, as we cruised up Atlantic Avenue.

"Now sit back and peep this game I'ma run down for you. The game is to be sold not told younging, but being that I was filled in on your mishaps about how that bit-- did you dirty I'm going pass some on to you. Now if pimping is in you it will grow from there younging and take off."

"Oh it's in me Junnyboy, I'm ready to pimp and pimp hard till a hoe drop dead in these streets. I plan to wear a hoe bit-- down until the concrete meets her face. No birthdays or holidays and no breaks, I'm pimping seven days a week and twice on Sunday."

"Good cause I sure hate to waste this game on a bullsh-- half ass pimping mother fu--r. Sh-- Sebastian I pimp a bit-- so hard diamonds are softer on her, I put a bit-- on the track in a Tornado sh-- send her ass out in a hurricane category fifteen and won't let the bit-- back in my whip if she is short ten cent on this daily pimp's rent, you feel me? I had to become the part all the way, so using my rhyming skills I told Junny;

"Yes sir, in a Tsunami I need mine mommy, she gotta pay cause I'm not about to play. Need the stacks off all the tracks; I plan to keep them on their backs." Junnyboy laughed out loud.

"I like that younging, now I got to drop this hoe off to work uptown after I pick up my other three. Enjoy the ride young blood; relax you in top pimp company."

I really didn't know sh-- about pimping so I watched closely how Junnyboy handled his business. I faked along as best as I could with what I read from books and such but you can't learn reaction times and all the things that come with experience, not just from reading. Those things come with time, trial and error. Junnyboy was a well groomed cat with wavy hair pretty boy looks and a killer dress code. He was sharper then a Ginsu knife. Yeah he was cleaner then the board of health. Suited and neck tie booted, for real man, I was impressed with his style. As Junnyboy's blinged out diamond rings danced to the beat of his hand movements he spoke and spoke, spitting out the valuable game I so desperately longed for. His radio plaid that old school Curtis Mayfield super fly type music loud enough that only I could hear him speak. His chic's just heard our whispers while we drove on and finally crossed the Manhattan Bridge pimp style with a car full of hoes.

After dropping them off on the track or hoe stroll as it is known we went back to Brooklyn to his crib. His house was laid out with all the trimmings. Leather couches; nice art pictures mood lights and the big screen TV. A super big butt black woman about twenty two appeared from the back room half naked. Junnyboy told her to get her ass back to bed. He said she had just got an operation this morning and because of all the bleeding and pain she got one day off work. We sat down and sipped some Remy Martin and smoked marijuana. The night was going just the way I hoped it would, game on listening and learning.

"Sebastian never discuss real business in front of a hoe you feel me? They way to sneaky man trust none of them. If that bit-- wasn't such a good money maker I would have thrown her ass out the house bleeding or not."

"I know exactly what you saying man exactly." I smoked some more on the splif.

"See younging look here, to pimp and pimp right you got to understand rule #1. A bit-- is a bit-- is a bit-- and that's the bitchy part about bit--s. They all the same, treat them all like the hoes they are. If you give her ass an inch she's going for a foot. So stay in a bit--s ass and keep her off balance. Never love a hoe but tell a hoe whatever you got to too stay on top you dig." He sat down in a big king style chair far in the back of the room. I was on the couch very comfy and feeling the stimulation. Remy Martin Cognac had just become my new favorite drink.

"Yeah I hear you Junnyboy keep talking, I like your style man"

"And that's what I'm trying to tell you young blood. Pimping is a style man you must have flair and grace about the way you do this here. A woman will choose you based on all that man. That's why some of the ugliest cats got the finest hoes. You see a bit-- respects the fact that you don't respect her, the fact that you know she ani't sh--. If you treat her ass to good she gone man, It's the name of the game is cop and blow you know?" The name of the game, cop and blow, 'wow' I thought to myself as he continued on with more information.

"Trust me; I blew a few like that myself Sebastian. I had this one hoe India from Ohio man she was so fine I forgot the rules of the game younging. What happen was we were working a track in the Bronx yes me and a cat named Cory Dixem. Cory was the most famous pimp in the Bronx man he had twenty five hoes at the time. That brother pimped so hard he's filthy rich and retired now. But anyway Cory told me the bit-- was getting slick with the cash. I didn't listen and wound up losing the hoe you feel me?" I asked Junny how she was getting slick because I needed to know what to watch out for. I waited for his response as he looked out the window in remembrance.

"Well Sebastian the no good slut was stashing money in the streets and left me with what I later heard was a cool nine thou. Man that ani't pimping - that's simping, Sebastian always stay on top of your hoe ya' dig?"

I felt like I just learned all I needed to know. I figured with this top secret information I could rule the world in no time.

"Hell yeah, I feel you Junnyboy, man ani't no simping going on here like I said ill work a bit-- into the ground - then still tell her ass my money is short." Junnyboy went on and on and on, with stories and pimpology 101. He talked my ear off till 5 am in the morning. I was dosing off when he tapped me on the shoulder and said its time to pick up the hoes and collect that trick money. After we grabbed the girls he dropped me off at Penn Station. He showed me his night's catch - thirty five hundred dollars, I felt like wow, his pockets were Donald Trump fat.

I caught the Long Island Railroad home, and stepped in my house at 7am. I was tired but full of game. I was now ready to put it all to the test. Ready to try my new found knowledge out, and see what really made women tick. I understood it all in theory but until you experience it for yourself you really don't know. A mystery still surrounded it in my mind. Would they just sell their body for money and give it to me like that? There were many details and events to the game. I remember the main ones; however, yes, I remember them all so clear. After I got my clothes in order I stepped out looking the part. Sporting a pair of Stacy Adams shoes and a sharp pair of slacks to match true blue, I topped it off with a light blue silk shirt and my white kangol hat for the icing on the cake. I borrowed a mustang 5.0 from a friend of mine Michael and gassed up for the trip. Living in a mixed neighborhood had its advantages. Many teenagers had nice cars and my friend Mike now my main man had two. He didn't mind me sporting his one-year-old car; all he wanted in return was some sex from my first catch. That was fair enough for me so I drove to Manhattan that afternoon and started with Forty-Second Street. In 1988 there were many dingy theatres and sex shops of slut material to start searching from. I searched all day into the night looking for a lost soul in need of guidance. I had no luck that night and returned again the next day. This went on for a week and I was striking out everywhere. Manhattan had many prostitutes strolling around, however; none seemed interested in a fresh young brother trying to pimp.

I was just about ready to quit one day when I saw a fight break out on the deuce. I walked over to be nosey like everyone else and noticed two guys jumping on one. The one they called Bk shouted back at them.

"Brooklyn's not scared, what's up?" Me being from Brooklyn myself, and already frustrated, stepped in.

"Yo' back up let them fight fair man. One on one Fair is fair" That's when one of the two jumping Bk said,

"What you want some too, fair my ass?"

I didn't even respond to his comment. I cold slapped him and grabbed him by the neck in seconds. To my surprise, this guy was stronger than I thought and broke free from my grip with ease and immediately started swinging. I ducked back and remember scraping my left shoe on the ground. Before more action could jump off people in the crowd broke us up. They stepped in one direction popping junk, while we were walking in the other. That's how I first met Bk. He was a bummy looking guy, a street con man surviving off the land. Bk looked about forty but was only about twenty-five years old. He was short maybe 5ft 5; light skinned and wore a thick scruffy beard. His hair was dreaded to his shoulders, and his eyes looked dreary like a heroin addict falling to sleep. His dirt stained sweatshirt and run down sneakers with broken dirty laces told a story all on their own. His tongue was old school smooth and I felt he probably was the man somewhere back in his past. Somehow, maybe doing drugs or some other hardship in life had broken him down to his now seemly hopeless condition. After we got clear of all the commotion I spoke to him.

"Are you alright Bk? I see you bleeding brother." He had a long cut on his hand.

"Yeah, homie, I'm ok a little blood on me but it's nothing you dig them cats can't score a win here." I handed him a cigarette and lit me one, then gave him my lighter.

"I hear you; my name is Sebastian I'm from Brooklyn as well so you know I had your back." Bk looked at me puzzled a bit like he wondered why I would help him out.

"I see that, Yo' you nice with your hands too, do you box Sebastian? You must because you got some skills." I stopped at a local street cart and grabbed us two cans of soda.

"A little something you know, enough to hold my own Bk, but not professional."

"No question, I hear you I had them cats Gee but Brooklyn stand together, word." He was looking over my clothes as he sipped his soda. I slapped him five and said.

"Yeah for sure you be safe man I'm out." I could hear him behind me as I walked off. He had to be an addict and I had no time to waste right now. He was shouting at me his last goodbyes.

"Alright gee, peace to the brother, by the way Sebastian you pimping Gee? You look like a pimp I like that gold watch." I stopped at his notion turned back to see Bk walking up fast to catch up with me.

"You already know player I'm looking for my hoe now. Bit-- ran off last night with a large amount of cash." I had to sound like I was a big man in the game, image is everything. Bk was impressed with me already but a pimp never tells the whole story.

"Sorry to hear that these chics ain't sh-- man. I got me a little hoe I'm trying to turn out now. Yo' teach me some game man? Come on Gee, Brooklyn stick together."

"Bk the game is to be sold not told, I tell you what. Show me the Bit-- I'll turn her out for you." He scratched his head and pondered a while before temptation took over.

"Yeah, but Gee, what do I get out of it man?"

"You get some information about the game, so next time you are ready player."

"I see, I see, yo' check it I'll put you on to shorty just for that knowledge and a few dollars, if you really want her. She's fine too Gee 18 and a stack house but if you pull it off or not. I still want to know about the game, fair enough?" I showed Bk two crispy hundred dollar bills. Then put them back in my pocket, I knew he was fiending for some drugs.

"Ok, yeah man, you about to learn some game. I know my game is tight there is no ifs, I'm definitely going to cop her, ya' heard? That's the name of the game Bk, cop and blow." His eyes were looking at my pocket as if he was in a trance, I had him down cold.

"I hear you let's roll I will take you to her right now."

"Alright Come on I'm parked over here on Thirty-ninth Street."

"You got a whip Gee? Oh, you straight on all sides my young brother." Bk was in bedazzled as I pulled off from the curb. The new mustang had white paint with tan leather interior. He kept looking around like he never rode in a nice whip before. After driving just blocks to the Chelsea district, he told me to park by an abandoned looking, five story building. I parked the car and told Bk if he had any games in mind I would kill him on the spot. He assured me he wasn't trying to set me up. I had some heat tucked in my waist just in case. I hit the alarm on the car and we walked in. The halls were dark, and the floor was creaky. The elevator was out of service so we had to climb four flights of stairs. We stepped over a few sleeping bodies in the corridor and came to a black door. After Bk knocked and knocked for what seemed like hours and I was just about ready to leave, someone said, "who is it." The door opened and an old lady dressed in a flower print night gown let us in.

We were led to what would normally be a living room but it was more like a living room bedroom, den combination. We sat in broken chairs and I surveyed the place noticing dirty clothes and dried up food scattered everywhere. Milk crates held up a fan with a missing fin as it turned slowly. Over head a light bulb barely hung on by a wire was flickering like any second it was ready to burn out. The walls had many holes and peeling paint. Large roaches and mice were very comfortable traveling about their business as if they owned the place. My nose cringed at the smell of funk from something that had to be dead. The invasion to my nostrils made me sick to my stomach. I held my breath on and off waiting for this girl he claimed lived here. I wondered how anything beautiful could come out of such a mess. Bk explained to me how Savannah's parents both died. She was an only child and she was forced to come and live here with her father's only sister. The old lady was senile and drank too much he told me. She also talked to herself a lot and remembered nothing. I still wondered how beauty could exist here, I didn't wonder much longer. A moment later beauty appeared from a back room, from my point of view she was fine alright real fine, Bk spoke up first;

"Yo' Savannah, meet my man Sebastian. I told you I'd help you get out of this place. I told you didn't I?" Savannah took a good look at me. Her eyes went up and down over my leather jacket slacks and playboy shoes, her eyes danced around my gold rope chain, designer watch etc. Then a smile appeared on her pretty coffee brown face. She extended her small, soft hand out to me and said to me;

"Nice to meet you Mr. Sebastian, I am sorry about the mess." I looked not at her but through her with a hard stare. I never let my eyes leave hers, I could tell through my peripheral vision she had the total package. She stood 5 feet tall and had an hourglass shape with what appeared to be 36 double D bust line. Her hips matched the top off nicely, with the biggest apple shaped ass recorded in history plus a nice flat stomach. At 18 years old she had no body fat and a very nice muscle tone. Her face was sweet looking and pretty enough to capture most men's attention. Not as pretty as Maria but very good-looking with thick dark eyebrows that highlighted her cherry wood eyes. She had dimples, nice dimples and curly black hair. The Cleopatra Brown look and complexion was more than sufficient. Most of all I liked her soft thick lips, wide mouth and beautiful smile but I dared not to let her see me look anywhere, but right in her eyes.

"I heard a lot about you Savannah, come over here sit down and speak with me." She walked with sexual electricity sitting down turning with a sensual slow groove. Her cut-off jeans and halter top were in a hard fight trying to contain her womanly treasures.

"Yes Sebastian I'm right here I hope I meet up to all your standards." I turned into a face to face position with Savannah to give my game more effect.

"Listen let's not even worry about that yet, I want to see where your mind is at first, because with me, you have to be ready to handle dealing with a real man. See all that boy sh-- is dead, a real man needs to know that he can depend on his woman to do what has to be done to make things run right and not waste time. So if you can't handle your business, it don't matter to me how you look." I was lying all the way. I knew that she needed to be broken down. No beautiful woman is unaware of her looks, she was trying to game me and I would not have any part of it.

"Savannah, I'm building a strong future, exactly what's needed for us to live on top of the world, you feel me? I am talking about the good life forever, money, cars, houses and expensive diamonds. You see all that can be mishandled by the wrong bit-- mixing in the affairs of a real man. So more important than how fine you might think your ass looks, which, don't get me wrong you look good girl but more important than that is the question are you the right bit-- and not the wrong bit-- you hear me bit--?" She began to move uneasy in her seat; my words were defiantly sticking a nerve.

"Yes I, I, I hear you Sebastian I'm ready to do whatever you say needs to be done but why do I gotta be a bit--? That's so degrading." I gave her a mean stare down knowing I was close to breaking her will.

"Bit-- everything after the word but is bullshit, because behind every butt is some sh--. Look here, if you ain't a bit-- then what are you? The word Bit-- ain't degrading, bit-- not when you my bit--. That is where you trying to go, right? Cause I take good care of my bit--s." Savannah looked puzzled in bewilderment; I guess she never expected to be taken control of so fast. She was used to the broke desperate neighborhood men crumbling in her hands just to get next to her innocent flesh. Faced with having to choose, she pondered a second before softening her tone.

"Well, o.k. Sebastian I see what you saying, I guess you're right but-."

"No butts I'm definitely right bit-- and you need to recognize it. You need to decide if you follow this man or not, cause I can get back in my mustang GT and move on. I don't have no time for games, as a matter of fact bit-- you are not ready for the big time. Stay here starving a little longer and get you mind right. Maybe after suffering with some more pancakes instead of steaks you just might be ready for a real true Mack. I'm out of here Later, Bk you keep this no good bit--." In the game this was known as a prat. Faking like I lost interest in order to make her gain more interest, it worked perfectly she jumped up in protest.

"No, no Sebastian, I'm sorry wait I'll be your bit--, I want to be your bit--, please let me be your bit-- just tell me what to do."

"Like I said, a real man means what he says. Now I said I'm out of here if you coming get the stuff you need to roll with me. Don't look at me jump to it bit-- you have one minute flat, move because time is money." As Savannah bunny hopped around throwing a bag together, I told Bk that was his lesson about the game, the rest you learn yourself. I threw him the two hundred dollar bills and he never even took them off the table. He never moved a muscle he was sitting there with his mouth open wide. Bk obviously had never seen or heard a man break a woman down so swiftly. She had him whipped and he wouldn't have ever dared to speak to her that way. His mouth still opened wide looking stupid as we left. I didn't lift a finger to help Savannah carry the heavy suit case down the four flights of steps. She dropped it a few times and rushed to pick up whatever she could. Breathing heavy and looking afraid she finally made it to the car. I was already in it with the motor running when she got to it. The trunk was opened and I revved the engine adding pressure to the dramatic moment.

"Please Sebastian don't leave me, I know you a pimp and I'm going to be the best hoe you got, I promise you. Please just let me get the outfit I dropped back there, its sexy you will love it baby."

I told Savannah hurry the fu-- up and to put her sh-- in the trunk. She did just as she was told sliding in next to me she smiled her pearly whites. I peeled off the block, showing off the muscle the car possessed, as Savannah nervously wondered about my next move. I told her to sit back relax and enjoy the ride. I asked her some questions and found out she came from Virginia, and had only been in New York a short time. She said her parents both died instantly in a car accident as they were vacationing in Hawaii. She received nothing due to their life insurance not being current.

As sad as the story was I still had to stick to my plan, 'Pimp or Die - Mack or Cry.' I told her that all her problems were over now that she was with me. I headed for Long Island, my mom's house. The plan was to prep Savannah and later cop a crib in Manhattan after she started bringing back some trick money. I drilled her brains with secret information that I dare not tell. After 45 minutes I had the bit-- ready to jump off The Empire State building for me.

The main thing was that she had to work tonight. I knew you couldn't let a bit-- get comfortable, so I set out to get her home cleaned up and on the streets by 10 pm. It was about 7:30pm when I made it home. I sent Savannah to the shower and pulled out some hoe clothes I copped way back, a pimp had to always be ready. The day had finally come, my pimping was about to be in full effect. The details on how to teach a hoe the rules are extremely important. I made sure she understood the dos and don'ts, and all the trade secrets of working the streets successfully.

"Now you dressed and looking real beautiful, I don't see no trick resisting you baby. Run it down to me how you are going to handle this business Daddy needs you to take care of." She ran it back to me with excellent accuracy; I felt she was ready no doubt. I had told my man Michael to come by at 8:30, pick her up and take her to his crib, fu-- her real good and bring her back. I explained to him to play it like he paid me. I told Savannah that he was a trick from around here and I needed her to handle this business before we hit the city. He came in and slapped me with a hundred dollar bill making sure she saw it. Then he smiled loving what his eyes were looking at.

Savannah had cleaned up real nice with a stylish black cat suit and a pair of strapped black stilettos she had brought along with her. The ruby red lipstick and big hoop silver earrings set the look off nicely. I told her to take care of this cat he's a good customer. See it's important to let a fresh turnout like Savannah fu-- someone you know. This way you get a report back, you'll know if she's going to freeze up or not in the street and ruin your reputation. They were gone for exactly forty minutes, giving me time to freshen up. When they returned, I told her to get ready to leave in fifteen. I went outside and handed Michael back his hundred, and asked about the pus--.

"Yo' she handled her business very well Sebastian, man I could go again with her."

"Oh yeah Mike, soon you will relax."

"Ohhh yeah, yo' you did it man you got a winner brother. She fu--s real good and told me what the rules were off the bat."

"Yeah that sounds right, did she suck you off real good?"

"Naw man, was she supposed too? She told me I only paid for intercourse, she said no blowjobs. I tried to pay her fifty dollars for some head I was so horny, she said no deal. She said, you said under no circumstances give him head."

"I was just testing the hoe Mike, don't sweat it you can get some head later."

"Ok yeah tomorrow or something."

"Yes sir, later kid peace."

I went back in the house and she told me exactly what he said. Now I knew I could trust her enough to hit the streets. She asked about giving head when she hit the hoe stroll, I said;

"Hell yeah you suck di--, with a condom on of course. I just want you sucking mine first bit-- now get to sucking." She sucked it most of the drive to Manhattan, She was fairly good at it too. I prepped her some more and told her what to watch out for. After turning her loose on fifty-nine Street and Tenth Avenue, she was to drop trick money back to me every hour at the corner by the diner. She handled business good and the first night made four hundred dollars. This was Heaven for me and, for months on after - Heaven grew bigger and bigger. I moved into NYC in no time, I had one of the baddest woman the stroll ever saw; doing it big! A one hoe stable till she brought home a white girl named Amber. I tell you those two hoes worked like crazy, I pimped them hard and I stacked heavy. My bank was up a twenty G knot in no time. The problems started when Savannah became restless. Every pimp knows this moment, the period when a bit-- gets the itch. They either run steal cheat or lie. Amber left me first. She had a little drug habit she was hiding the whole time. In some of her belongings I found drug paraphernalia tucked away. A bit-- on drugs is no good to a pimp at all. I knew she was stealing because my money was coming in funny and after I scorched that ass good she straight cut out. I didn't give a damn she was garbage on smack I figured. A pimp never really knows what makes a woman change her mind but he knows that they always do. It could be the poison darts from some other hoe telling her come be with their daddy 'he will treat you better.' Or it could be just not enough attention from you day and night. One thing is for sure, pimping is a full time job, it takes up all your time - it is a way of life. It's like being the Warden at a jail. You are the boss but you are always on call, always needed. Soon you become a prisoner at your own prison. That's the bad part about pimping, no vacations for them also means \- none for you.

I don't want to think about every detail that happened while I was Pimping, man a lot of things went down. I copped and blew a few hoes, in the process. Savannah was my ace bottom bit-- and stuck around for over year with me. When Savannahs money started coming up short I whipped her ass one night up and down the plush hotel we stayed in. I remember sipping on Remy Martin while watching her crawl towards me pleading and begging for mercy.

"Daddy please I'm sorry I know I messed up, I admit it but don't beat me no more I will get that money right daddy. I'ma get you more than ever, I will be a good hoe again daddy, a real good hoe."

I knew this was a lie Savannah lost her desire to work the streets. She would bring home three hundred a night now at most. This was a big drop from five hundred a night as usual. She had to be stashing somewhere for an escape. That's the thing about the street life. It eventually teaches everyone how to get over.

"Bit-- after all I did for your stinking ass you go and steal from me. You lucky I don't kill you, you no good tramp." With Savannahs blood dripping on my plush carpet I got even more pissed. I slapped her up another fifteen minutes till she fell limp and asleep on the floor snoring and unable to move. I sat up thinking hard until dawn; yeah, the bit-- needed a good tune up. Now that motor is fixed and she should run right. Her ass is eating popcorn from now on until my money is correct. I fell asleep that morning around nine and woke up around three O'clock to an empty room. I figured Savannah went out to get that money right. 'She better be on the case,' that's when I noticed her clothes were all gone. Plus my Rolex Watch was gone. I guess the tune up did make her run right, run right out on me.

The name of the game was cop and blow, every pimp knows that. You cop one and blow one, so what. I had blown Savannah but it could be worse. I could be broke, that would hurt much more. I had three thousand in my pocket she dared not tried to get plus plenty stashed in a safe. I had to make a choice to either keep on pimping or take my thirty five thousand dollar stack and move on. I really only got in the game to redeem myself from the emotional scars left by Maria. Besides the money, I hated the whole game. It was all grit and grime. It took me away from my creativity, my music that I loved much more. And sooner or later Jail or death would come knocking. I was still young and very smart, so I figured try some other life, but pimping would always be with me. It was in my blood and this meant no woman could ever fool or play me in life again. Maybe deep down I wanted Savannah to cut out on me. I know she stashed a nice bank from holding back on me. It's all good I wished her all the best. Hey it was business baby, nothing personal. I ditched the hotel suite and headed downstairs. When I got to my Monte Carlo I had brought a few months back there were scratches all over it and two flat tires. Damn, I guess the hoe was real upset huh, well she better never let me catch her stealing ass ever anywhere in the world. After towing the car to a station and getting new tires put on the whip I hit the money stash location and got my doe, then I headed for my Mom's house. She had been trying to get me over for a talk for a minute, and now was as good a time as any. I prepared my mind for what everyman knows he can't avoid forever. I got ready for a Mothers advice. Goodbye Savannah we had some good times, but its curtains baby, its curtains.

**Chapter 4 A Mothers advice**

Numbers 30-2 If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or swears an Oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that that proceeds out his mouth.

I drove to Long Island feeling fine with the way things turned out. Man I had experienced some things in the last year and a few months. I wasn't stressing it I mean that's the streets killing, drugs money and sex. I had seen a few murders and a dead whore or two. I was content to come out the game with loot. Knowing that more than half the street player's hustlers dope pushers or pimps never know when to get out. They usually leave the game broke dead or in hand cuffs. They wind up seventy-five years old still half ass pimping. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones, only time would tell. I pulled up to my Mother's house feeling like the large stack of cash I just picked up from my hideout, pure money. As I walked toward the front door my Mother swung it opened and said to me.

"Hey son, it is good to see you come on in here and sit down. I just made a fresh pot of coffee, you want some, boy you been eating or what? You look kind of skinny."

My Mother like most Mother's would look you over real good and find something to tell you that you were doing wrong. It was nice to be home in the company of familiar surroundings. The house was clean and I could smell the home cooking - smoking from the kitchen.

"I'm eating Ma, you know I don't want get fat, I have to stay in shape."

"Oh don't worry mommy will fix that. I got some smoked turkey wings happening right here baby. Collard greens, macaroni and cheese and brown sugar cornbread. Then for desert we got a little peach cobbler I know you will enjoy." We sat in the dining room at the table; my mother had an open Bible in front of her. She always prayed and read the Bible every day.

"Man oh man I sure miss that kind of cooking, sounds real good and smells even better, so when do we eat?"

"Soon my son very soon, you know being an only child has spoiled you. I should've had more kids." My mother laughed but I could see new lines of stress on her face that weren't there a year ago. Apparently concern for a child tends to age a parent.

"No, no more kids, I would have to share all this food, well 'no deal' Ma you did just fine with one son." I had my hands up in the air to express my words and gratitude. Smiling back like a proud lady, Mom waved me off.

"Ha, ha boy you crazy, did I really do just fine? I hope so Sebastian because I have been a little worried about you" I chatted with my Moms for a half hour about surface stuff mostly. But soon - just as I knew would happen, she got real serious with me. She expressed her feelings about my choice of lifestyle. Dropping out of High School and the pimp thing bothered her the most. She felt I was wasting my life and degrading women.

"You see son I raised you to think with your brain and respect women. Making a woman sell her body is disrespectful. I know you don't feel you made them do it, but your part of it. Listen to me and never forget this in life no matter what you do. The Devil is very busy traveling to and fro to see whose soul he can devour. Son, don't let it be your soul he gets hold to. You will know when you're doing the right thing because you will feel it deep down inside. Always do right and if you do wrong by mistake Son, move on from it and you do the next right thing."

Her words had my full attention. No game in the world tops a Mother's knowledge. I really missed talking with her. This day she did most of the talking as I listened for some hours to her go on and on.

"Sebastian, don't accept unacceptable behavior from no one, including from yourself. Strive for more and no matter how long the road is or how hard it get's, you keep moving forward until you reach your destiny."

"Mom I hear you I'm a little tired let's finish later."

"No boy we will finish right now, listen to me closely. Stay the hell away from destiny killers, dream killers and evildoers. Son praise the Lord every chance you get, every minute you breathe. Get close to God and stay there, Cause Satan wants your soul, he's coming for you, Son. Call The Devil a liar to his or her face Sebastian. Don't ever be scared to call The Devil a liar. Fight for truth and truth will fight for you. 'Put on the full amour of God,' like it says in; Ephesians 6 verse 10 and brace yourself for you will be tried and tested for sure Sebastian. Ephesians 6 verse 11 says; 'We wrestle not against the flesh and blood, but against principalities, against spiritual powers of evil,' you hear me boy." Mom looked me dead in the eye as she quoted the Bible. She was a true believer and knew my soul was in turmoil.

"See in life you're either in a storm, just coming out of a storm or headed towards one. You can't have what you want; if you don't want what you already have my son. Learn to appreciate the storms and learn from the good and bad times. Remember the darkest hour is just before dawn. I know through faith and fervent prayer God will bless you with a good woman, a good wife, sooner or later." I was dizzy from the barrage of loving fire spewing from my Mothers mouth, but she was in no way finished with me.

"Sebastian I didn't raise a quitter, so just because your heart is broken once or twice don't you quit on all women. I know you had to prove something to yourself out there and I knew the Lord would bring you back to me safely. I prayed for you night and day, never under estimate the power of prayer young man. Prayer and worshiping the Almighty God can do things that no amount of money or fame will ever do for you. I hope you know that, if I never taught you anything, I hope you know that much."

I shook my head yes and just absorbed all the things she said. My Mother went on for three more hours; she dropped many jewels on me that day with expert precision. A Mother has the ability to take the fiercest loin in the jungle, and calm him down into a kitten when she really wants to. After the tongue lashing, we ate, we laughed and we prayed together. She made me promise to never go back to pimping women again. This is a promise I tried my best to keep in my life; although, many times I have in some way or another broken it.

After moving back home and seeing all my friends I heard that Maria was back in town and wanted to see me. I passed on the message that I wasn't interested in seeing her at all. A part of me wanted to see her just to get reveng, hell even make her ass work the hoe stroll for me but I had promised my Moms I would fly straight. So I blocked out all The Devils temptations and moved on. One day while cruising the streets with Hp, Desi and my man Desire, we passed Maria Linda and Denise. With my fly looking ride rimmed up and the music blasting I didn't even recognize her at first; man the streets had destroyed her for real.

"Yo' Sebastian, that's Maria right there with Linda and them walking." I looked Maria dead in the eyes, with a cold stare and smirked.

"Well Hp, let they asses keep walking we riding ya' heard me?" A bunch of grins and giggles filled the car.

"That's right player cause Desire don't walk, peel off the tires on they ass Sebastian." That was exactly what I did with the system booming, taking a deep breath I felt wonderful after leaving the scene with style. Desi made a comment in disbelief.

"Maria looks busted man, she looks terrible. You sure that's the same chic you had in my van that night?"

"Yeah Desi, that was her - I can see the outline of that walk in the rear view mirror. Please that body and strut is still unmistakable my brother, what an ass she has buddy, that didn't fall off."

"You got that right player." Hp said out loud, "She still got that much, but you got so much more, pimpin." I enjoyed being the man again, the Mack a don talk of the town and I enjoyed making Maria suffer without me. Whoever said pay back was a bit-- was wrong because payback is a pimp in action. Maria became the laughing stalk in the end and I moved on. I remember saying to myself, 'it was time to be a man and get a real job.' Well sort of anyway, you know a little work and a little using a chic, light pimping you feel me? See not long after my Mothers advice, yeah I, I.

My thoughts and reminiscing were cut short – ut ohhh - Annette voice interrupted my thinking. She was yelling like a mad woman at the top of her voice. The drugs we got a while back had her behaving very edgy.

"Annette, are you going crazy screaming in my ear like that?"

"Well I called your name five times player, are you going deaf or something?" The car was cruising at sixty five and we were well into Philadelphia.

"No, I'm not deaf I was deep in my thought, give a man a minute to think Annette, if you don't mind."

"Yes I do mind, especially when your phone is steady ringing answer the sh--. Who is it your new baby Momma?" I grabbed my phone and it was Jasmine, I shot Annette the you better be quiet look and answered it.

"Hello - yeah, how you feeling baby girl? I'm almost there just entering Philly now. How are those beautiful lovely twins doing? Oh yeah, sounds like good news - well tell them Daddy is coming, I should be there in ten or fifteen minutes Jasmine, ok, alright then - later."

"What you got baby momma drama, already? Ha, ha, she can't handle it by herself." My frustration was mounting over the top. Two hours of riding with this Witch was way too long of a period.

"Annette shut the fu-- up, man you so negative if I put your ass in a dark room you'll probably start to develop. Can't you ever say something nice?"

"Well it would be nice if her ass knew about me how about that player?"

"Yeah well how about that, you know why she don't know about you? Because your ass isn't worth knowing about." I wasn't sure if Jasmine and I could work things out or not. This was the main reason I never told her I was seeing another woman, well if you call Annette a woman.

"Is that right, kiss my black ass Sebastian, you love me, I know you do."

"Yeaaaah right, sure baby whatever you say, I love you more than life itself." Annette smiled at me and she leaned on my shoulder as we continued the journey.

"I know you love me baby, Sebastian I can feel it. It is me and you forever daddy.

"Huh -God forbid that!"

"Whatever, you know you do."

I got to the hospital and saw my twins and felt great. I took pictures with them fed them and all that good stuff. Jasmine was a little distant and deep down inside I knew we were kind of over for good; although I couldn't accept it as reality at the time. Many bug - insect attempts from Annette tried my patience at the hospital as she called my cell phone constantly. I know this made Jasmine very suspicious, even with it on silent. I told her I took the greyhound bus to Philly. A little naive – she surely was, but I knew she wasn't totally stupid. After leaving Jasmine alone for a minute and making sure Annette had enough drugs to accept the terms. I came back and spent the night right there in the hospital with Jasmine and the twins. Drifting off to sleep in that hospital chair I went back to thinking. Thinking about all the events that got me here in life, all the women in my life that came before Annette or jasmine. There was one in particular that came along right after my Moms advice. It was only two months later that I met – Mahogany.

**Chapter 5 Miss Mahogany Gorne**

Mathew 10: 28 "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear him who is able to destroy both body and soul in hell."

I moved into a nice two bedroom cottage style house not far from my Moms. She protested but I knew I needed a place of my own, I was a man now and men take care of business alone. I met Mahogany and knew her for less than a week, yes sir - five days to be exact. She had the beauty of Queen Nefertiti and the body of Gods good grace, Chunky but delicious. Mahogany could have been Oprah Winfrey's sister. She possessed the same sex appeal, incredible style and a round pretty face. Her mind could dazzle a scientist and she could've easily taught Einstein a thing or two about the theory of relativity. Mahogany only wore sexy sun dresses that clung to her shapely figure. She enjoyed showing off the curvaceous secret hiding places where she kept all that womanhood. Her olive skin tone and smooth legs could make a blind man see. And her smile could instantly mesmerize a king cobra into a deep sleep. Ok so her ass was fine, no question about.

I was Grocery shopping one afternoon at a local Supermarket not far from my house. Not happy with the selection in the meat department, you know – Brooklyn style, I asked to speak to a manager right away. Two minutes later, wha-lah! Mahogany appeared gliding towards me with the grace of a panther out for a stroll. She extended her hand to me and spoke as soft as floating butterfly's wings in landing flight. Mahogany listened to my situation and solved it in thirty seconds. She told the meat worker's to give me the freshest cuts they had in stock, at a 25 percent reduction. She was just about to turn and glide away on her mystical magic carpet when my instincts told me to go for it, and go hard. So with lion like speed and agility I moved in for checkmate.

"Excuse me beautiful, look here - before you leave I would like to thank you for helping me out, I really appreciate your kindness." She very coyly responded with,

"You are very welcome we want all our customers to be happy with us."

"Indeed I am very, very happy, now what did you say your name was?"

"I didn't say, but its Miss Gorne, Miss Mahogany Gorne." I heard some low rumbling from the voice of a hater standing close by eavesdropping on my game. I ignored his bickering and kept my eyes on the prize.

"Sounds as sweet as you look, and you look fantastic." My straight and very direct words made her look around to make sure she wasn't the center of attraction for all to notice. I realized she was at her place of employment so I was careful not to be stentorious with my voice.

"Listen Ms. Gorne after all this trouble I just went through, I'm still not fully satisfied." In a very concerned way she said.

"Really Sir, what else can I do? I replaced your steaks and even dropped the price somewhat." By now I had walked up close enough to Mohogany to make her shift from one leg to the other. It must've been my swag with the slight leg drag that caused her juices to begin to flow.

"Well first of all my names is Sebastian, we can skip the Sir stuff, you indeed replaced my steaks, but see the problem is I have no one to cook them for me. I believe I am entitled to a nice home cooked meal out of the deal don't you? See this is where living alone has its disadvantages Miss. Gorne, at least that was until I came across a fine young chef such as yourself, in fact didn't I see you on one of those cooking shows on TV recently?" She looked up at me in a strange funny way.

"Well Mr. Sebastian that sounds real personal I cannot help you there, no I do not cook on TV and certainly not for strangers – plus furthermore ---." Before she could muster up her full rebuttal I whipped out my information and handed it to her. The game had taught me to always be prepared; I kept calling cards in my pocket – at all times.

"Sure you can help me, and you will, here is my address sweetheart. Since you're the big boss around here I know you can make it your business to be on time. Six O clock sharp baby, we eat at seven just you and I."

"Oh, I see we eat as in a date but I'm doing the cooking, I think you got it all wrong Sebastian, you bugging." I leaned in close to her face and whispered in her ear.

"No baby I can see clearly by your beauty, I got it all right. Now stop resisting and choose. You can choose lose or stay confused but a man like me you can surely use. I'm out Mahogany, I expect you at six." I could tell she was moved by my male aggressive nature; however, she showed me otherwise.

"I don't think so buddy." I was now walking away smooth and in motion.

"Hello wait a minute Sir, Mr. Sebastian, Sebastian I don't even know you. I am not coming to a strange mans house, are you serious?" I looked back winked at her blew a kiss and kept going. She stood there holding the paper I handed her puzzled with her mouth open. I knew I had her off balance and wanted to keep her that way. Curiosity killed the cat, and I was betting she was curious enough to take the bait. Thinking back on it, I looked real good that day. I had on a three piece suit dark grey with the burgundy necktie thing going on. My fresh haircut left the unmistakable smell of barbershop aftershave in the air. She would show up, I just knew she would. You see one thing I learned from pimping was a woman will always claim to not want to get involved with dangerous men - but they loved to explore the adventure of it all deep down inside. That whole mystery man magic did something to a woman's ego, and oh yes, women have bigger egos then men. They love to fix things, so I figured she'd come over even if it was just to fix me, or properly cuss me out.

I was right Mahogany did show up ringing my bell at six o clock sharp. She was a little nervous and trying to talk to me from the steps without entering. She still had her car running with her driver's door wide open like she planned to leave, 'at once.' She went on to tell me how she only stopped by to let me know that I was very rude and got her mixed up with someone else.

"I am not that kind of woman." She explained, I told her to please calm down and that I certainly meant no disrespect.

"I know that you are high class sweetheart, I just want to have dinner with you. If you can't cook – no big deal, I can no problem baby. I just felt my night required the company of a beautiful woman such as yourself to help make things more complete." Her hands hit her beautiful hips and her head tilted sideways.

"Can't cook, man please my family is from the south so it surely isn't that." Stepping out on my porch I tempted her some more.

"Ok well show me some of those skills then Miss Gorne, because your lips are steady moving but you are not saying nothing. I'm from the show me state of New York baby; you have to show me what you mean." Mahogany finally laughed and that helped break the tension. I stepped out the house and walked with her over to her car. With one patent motion I turned off the motor \- shut the door hit the alarm while handing her the keys. I then leaned on the car to make her feel more comfortable as we talked some more getting to know one another. She soon realized that I was no crazy psycho maniac. I had succeeded in gaining her trust and very gently convinced her to come inside the house. She cooked me one of the best meals I ever tasted that evening, and I paid her more compliments then she had ever received in her lifetime. Her blushing told me to continue on, flattery would get me everywhere. After dinner we sipped a little wine I remember it all, yes it was a nice white zinfandel. I knew a woman of her status would appreciate a man with good taste, so I poured it on heavy impressing her with my knowledge of fine Art and Museums. Two bottles and good drama movie later I had me a woman intrigued beyond return, it was just about pass midnight. She said she better get going because it was so late.

"You are right Mohogany; it is late, much too late for you to drive home alone. And you are in no condition to drive anyway." She revealed to me earlier she had the next day off so my insistence on her staying the night was very tantalizing.

"If I did stay over Sebastian, not saying I will, but if I did where would I be sleeping?"

"Well that actually would depend on if you can behave yourself or not sexy, ha, ha."

"Who me, you mean you - Mr. Smooth, can you behave?"

"Honestly sweetheart, probably not, I do; however, have an extra bedroom come on follow me I will show you."

That's when she agreed to come upstairs to investigate the circumstances, 'big mistake.' The wine the music and the seductive setting did her in, 'at once.' I had Mahogany naked and under my red satin sheets so fast that I was still fully dressed. I took off my clothes slow under her watchful eye. The smell of my oil burner filled the air with the sweetest scents available. My chest came to view first and I do admit, I did some extra flexing while removing the light blue button down dress shirt. I unbuckled my belt and unzipped my dress pants with glazing anticipation lustfully radiating from my prey. Once I dropped my boxers with one manly shove off – hit the floor motion, the sigh from Mahogany told me she had just saw her late night fantasy dream – dangling in front of her. I have always been modest about my manhood, realizing that many men may have more, but I had way more than enough, and have never gotten any complaints about the size of the monster living between my legs. I moved with the teasing thrill of a high paid male stripper towards her, noticing my queen prize shimmering with her legs sliding and nipples rising beneath my satin covers. No more hiding – I ripped those covers off and tossed them across the room, too far away for any more protection.

We made mad passionate sweaty love until sunrise. Mahogany had oddly enough been single for a year and needed some attention. That night I made sure she got more than her fair share. She was an excellent lover and took out time to touch all the places I liked. I by now in life was a master at the love making game, studying the Karma Sutra and adding to it some Stylz that would make the ancient Gods proud to call me their student. I knew just how to drive a woman over the edge time and time again until she had multiple orgasms, gasping for breath. Pounding, oh yes hitting all the walls of her existence, with masterful angles and positions deep inside her body and mind. Talking nasty yet using experience and the correct words right in her ear the way it should always be done. Mixing in the necessary slow grinding of the body with sincere patience, causing her eyes to turn from lust to love. Her body was no disappointment, hot wet and totally sensually responsive. We kept it up until sleep finally over took us, naked and sweaty with perspiration wrapped in each other's arms.

When I awoke, she was gone, but on my dresser there was a note that read, 'thank you for a wonderful evening, here is my number and address, please feel free to call me.' 'What are you kidding me' I said to myself, I sent a dozen roses to her 'at once,' that very afternoon. We instantly became a couple, and for the next four days we did the movies the parks and went for nice long soothing walks. We visited the New York Metropolitan Museum and even shopped on Jamaica Ave. Mahogany never asked me for a dime she was truly independent. Most times she insisted on paying for everything. I had money so I would make sure she felt special by surprising her with gifts. She knew how to appreciate the little things in life her soul was one of a kind. I had no idea how I got so lucky and found such a trustworthy lovely woman. It was almost like we were born to be together, made for each other. At night we would curl up in the living room watching a good movie with popcorn and orange juice. See Mahogany loved old Westerns just as much as I did. And after the final gun fight showdown at the Ok Corral. We had a showdown at the bedroom Corral. It was a fairytale love story, my Moms was right. God had sent me a good woman and I was finally happy. Mahogany didn't have an evil bone in her she was pure hearted with an especially good spirit surrounding her essence.

But the one thing my Mother forgot to tell me was, 'The Lord giveth and The Lord taketh away.' On the fifth day of us knowing each other I couldn't reach her at home. I called her job and found out the terrible news.

"Hello can I speak to Miss Gorne."

"Huh oh a Miss Gorne is not here, ahhh I mean well who is asking." It was the morning store manager, I knew his voice.

"Man its Sebastian who's this Steve?"

"Yeah it's Steve; hi Sebastian didn't recognize your voice. Sebastian I can't give out information on what happened its company policy you do understand don't you? Besides they moved her from the hospital close by, to another one we don't know where as yet." I felt dizzy on my feet and my throat tightened up, gasping to breathe I sat down.

"Steve what the hell you talking about what happened to my baby, is she alright?"

"You mean you don't know?"

"Know what Steve, spit it out man?"

"Well mahogany got hurt I mean attacked last night leaving work late alone. It was real late around 3am. She has been off for the last few days and worked the night shift last night with others of course, but the security guard said she told him to go home; she had to catch up her paperwork. She was here doing reports then opened the back door to leave and go to her car and, well she."

"She what - Steve what! Tell me already?" I had fear in my heart as I listened to the heart breaking news.

"She got jumped by five guys, teenage gang members we think. Not sure though no one was caught, but the police have the video footage. I can't say anymore I have to go now Sebastian, I am very sorry."

"Steve wait what hospital is she in? Steve, Steve."

The sound of a dial tone loudly filled my ears. I went over to the store personally to get to the bottom of it all. The store was closed and forensic police were all over the place. Man it turned out Mahogany not only got raped but they burned her face with cigarettes beyond repair, and then razor slashed her body. Reports said one of her eyes was ripped right out the socket and her left leg had to be amputated. Those no good bastards destroyed her beauty in its twenty four year old prime. She wasn't listed in any hospital anywhere. Her landLord knew nothing except that her family moved her stuff out. They were so ashamed and embarrassed they just took everything and left without a trace. The store gave up no further information due to pending lawsuit factor. I only knew Mahogany five days and didn't know any of her family so I was stuck. Mahogany disappeared from my life as fast as she entered. I never saw her again and really didn't blame her for not calling. I could only imagine how she must have felt. She wouldn't have wanted me to see her like that. If I was in that position, I might have done the same thing. Such a beautiful woman destroyed behind the uncontrollable evil desires of the likes of common trash.

After months of searching with no leads, it would seem that she was gone forever. The guys never got caught and I lost a potential wife. Perhaps the greatest yet shortest love I've ever known. Goodbye Mahogany, Miss Mahogany Gorne, its curtains for us; although, I wish I had a time machine, and could go back and save you from that horrible night.

**Chapter 6 Kelly girl**

James 1:19-20 So then, my beloved brethren let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

After trying to get jobs at numerous locations I finally landed a management position at a local discount store. The job was all right with a half decent pay check. Being intelligent it was easy for me to converse with the workers on their level. I missed Mahogany but life had to go on. I mostly hired fine young white girls. I figured it was time to try a new flavor of ice cream. It was rumored that white women treated a black man good, 'well let me try my luck.' A short nice strawberry blonde girl nineteen or so was giving me the eye and smiling every time I passed by, she was a damsel in distress for sure. Her name was Rochelle and she was real pretty. I stayed suited and necktie booted with my tight wardrobe and the gangster flipped up collar. The Long Island women were not ready for me. I had money and plenty of game they were all very interested.

To make a long story short I smashed her out (had sex). Her long hair spread all over my sheets as we bounced up and down. Unfortunately that was the best part of it all. You see she was terrible in bed. After trying out sex with her two or three more times, I realized what a mistake I had made. Some people can't even be taught the art of love making, who knows why, so I just tried to ease away as best I could. Rochelle was attached to me and took it hard making a big scene at work. She refused to do her job and got smart with me at every possible opportunity. So I did what any man in my position would have done, I fired her ass.

One night I was home watching the Knicks play Boston and smelled fire. I looked out the window and saw Rochelle and two other girls from work jump in her car and drive off. The no good lowdown dirty sluts burned a cross on my lawn. That Klux, Klux, Klan tactic couldn't scare me. She did this because I fired her and didn't want to be with her, she was crazy. It wasn't racial to me it was just plain business. I didn't feel for her like she felt me, so what. Man oh man she went too far I was fuming with rage. I put the fire out and a big symbol of a cross was burned into the dirt. It was at least four feet by four feet. I dragged my upset and embarrassed ass to work the next day and tried real hard to ignore the snickering laughs. That didn't work out to well because two days later I was fired, what luck huh? Top management said I lost control of the flock and had become a major disruption to the company.

This was my first lesson in not getting involved in a relationship at work. I planned to never get together with a co-worker again, but I couldn't resist Kelly - Kelly girl wow, what a story. She hired me to be her manager's assistant at a huge toy store in Massapequa the summer of 1991. Kelly was tall 5ft 11 inches flat foot with blond hair down to her shoulders. Her face was only a six or seven but the baby blue eye's set it off just superb. After working together a few months and going out for beers at lunch every now and then. Kelly started to grow on me. One day her ass just started looking good in those slender faded jeans. She was five years older than me, twenty six, and lived with her man some guy named Paul. She confessed to me that he paid her not much attention or gave her any affection. Kelly was easy prey for the taking, so I took it. I smashed Kelly after work on a Saturday afternoon until she screamed and begged for more.

Unlike my recently failed white experience she was good in bed for real and loved to have sex with me. We started to play peek a boo under the covers three times a week and soon became a toy store item. By that I mean everyone knew about us at work but no one cared because we ran that store like a tight ship and soon our location sales were number one in the district. Her square ass boyfriend Paul had a Pontiac GTO mechanically worked over for speed. Man did I have fun peeling out all over town with it. My Cutlass was nice but that GTO was the bomb. I drove it for over a year messing with Kelly girl.

"Bash," She called me Bash. "Bash baby lets go shopping after work ok? I got a surprise for you." Always, with Kelly this was nothing new.

"Sounds good girl, you all girl for sure, my Kelly girl. You know how I do like surprises baby."

"Well you're going to love this one then Bash." Man, oh man how Kelly loved to spend her old man's money on me. She laced me with clothes and shoes on a weekly basis. I knew today would be no different. She did surprise me though somewhat this time, she took me to a high class jewelry store and brought me a gold rope chain with a sparkling matching bracelet.

"Baby you didn't have to do this, Kelly girl this is real nice of you." Her baby blues lit up and sparkled back at me.

"No I wanted to it's nothing Bash, I love you, don't you know that. I am leaving Paul soon and we can be together every day after that. Guess what else, I got us a room at the Hilton Hotel on Route 110 lets go get personal Bash, but never bashful whew."

"Oh really you been busy as a bee, we are just full of surprises today huh? Kelly girl when we get there I got a surprise for you, how about that?" She gave me the professional strong look with a slight smile.

"Good that's dynamite, just what Kelly girl wants Bash. Some more of that good thing you are always giving to me." She was very frank, neat, on point and sprung out on me, that was her over all persona. Kelly never had a black man before I came along. Trust me she was loving every minute of it. Fall backs, I admit she was often somewhat pushed for time, considering she had a live in so called mate. I do have to confess, despite the obstacles Kelly girl made it happen. Resourceful, hooked and couldn't get enough of the way I laid the pipe to her. Like a plumber searching for the tiniest leak, I twisted and turned all the tools, she got it hard and heavy every single time.

We made it to the hotel soon after leaving the jewelry store, settled in popped some champagne and lit up romantic candles. The room was nice but I expected more flavor more bells and whistles. Guess after doing the Manhattan Mack thing top ho - telly style that was to be expected. Kelly hit the shower and then slipped into a slinky scad pink negligee. Appearing before me I could see that the satin fabric fought with honor, but showed plenty of cleavage highlighting her perfect B cups. Yes I suppose one could say all her treats were begging the material for freedom. The candles flickered light across her blond hair. Kelly pranced around off tempo, but sexy giving me the slow show of a lifetime. The music seemed to try to follow her instead of the other way around, with hot sextivity intensifying in the air about us. Suddenly she threw one leg up on my bare chest as I laid back on the king sized bed, my heart skipping beats during this hostile takeover. Kelly wiggled her toes up and down my body with destination pause, at the love muscle.

"Oh hell to the yeah baby, that feels good. Now just replace that foot with your lips and we in business." Scolding me like a grade School child out of line she snapped out;

"Relax young man I'm controlling this show, have you been a good boy? Maybe you can have a treat, only if you been a good boy Bash. Have you been a good boy huh, huh?" I hit the lamp on my side to further set the atmosphere. Grabbing her arm intrigued with the whole Broadway Burlesque show.

"Oh yes I have been real good baby, real good. I haven't gotten into any trouble what so ever, I promise you." She started kissing me all over, then finally arrived at my secret hideout. All the happiness of the day's events built up inside, had me jet set ready for the action. Kelly went to work with the precision of a brain surgeon, exactly, handling the brain game was one of her favorite past times. Minutes later I burst galloons of spermicide in her face. She swallowed my unborn kids, I flipped her over and I slowly banged her into heaven, doggy style. So slow was the flow then even slower and slower and slower. Right when I felt her about to orgasm spastically without control, I picked the pace up and pound her harder and harder until she collapsed unable to support her weight with her wobbly arms.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle away she tried, squirming with tears of joyful pleasure. I, steady stroking on top of Kelly had no intention of complying with an escape. She cried out with over excitement for me to stop. But you already know - I slow simmered that ass for at least forty-five minutes more beyond the five orgasms I had already counted her having, she was done. Kelly girl had experienced full body satisfaction. The hotel performance was good for a few more gold chains, Ha, yeah man, I resealed the deal of love that night.

Everything was fine with Kelly girl for a long time, good jobs great sex and all that. Most of all she gave me no drama or headaches and no regrets. I have to say, she put some truth in the white girls treat black men better rumor that was clearly apparent. Feeling her style I certainly was, even though she didn't have the killer knockout looks. A solid eight overall, you could sport her to the ball without getting laughed at if you know what I mean. On a July summer day I was home working on the cutlass. It was hot as hell I remember I had just put the finishing touches on it when a sweet young tender strolled by, you know what most would call a black man's wish, a ivy league Caucasian persuasion, much finer then Kelly. I had sweat rolling off my back and my muscles ached from struggling with the new headers I just put in. With oil on my arms and the bare chest mechanics thing working for me I went for it.

"Hey sweetheart excuse me, can I have a word with you? I just got one question." She was a country white girl fine as hell. Standing before me I could detect was a banging brunette with green eyes and a black woman's backside. I had to have her, Oh yes I craved to taste such sweet nectar.

"What's that, I'm in kind of a hurry what's the question?"

"Look I just want to know your boyfriends name that's all."

"My boyfriends name whatever for?"

"Baby I need your boyfriend's name and address so I could at least shake the hand of the luckiest man in the world, you don't mind do you?" This was nothing but good, game. She started smiling with a big cheesy grin brighter then the sunshine. I knew I had her fully intrigued.

"Oh my, you're so sweet to say that in such a special way. Thank you for the compliment but I'm afraid I cannot comply, for I don't have a boyfriend at all." Ding, ding she hit the right answer, I moved in for the kill. Slowly walking around the car with confidence I wiped my hands with a dingy towel. I purposefully flexed a muscle or two so the sweat, power and possibilities reflected in her eyes. She breathed in deeply as I approached my big arms and bare chest the center of her gaze, she was prey! Yes prey for the hunter and I pressed forward the attack.

"Well that's a shame baby because you a fine beautiful woman, you should be taken care of and treated properly. My name is Sebastian and yours must be Lovely because that's all I see, pure loveliness." Closer inspection revealed that she had the total package.

"Ha, ha that's cute I like it but no my name is Dawn, yes Dawn W. Higgins, from Mississippi. I'm only here for the summer visiting family. You look like you working real hard there Sebastian I will be going now so you can get back to work."

"No no, no, baby I'm finished working it's too hot for all that. I was just about to go inside for a cold drink. Come on in let me get you one as well Lovely, I'm going to call you Lovely if you don't mind."

"No I don't mind that but maybe some other time, I Just went out for a walk is all, I should be getting back now. Besides I never been in a colored person's house before no offense, you seem very nice."

"What baby, why not let me show you the inner Stylz of black living, come see for yourself."

I grabbed Dawn's hand she gave little resistance, she half-heartedly protested but then stepped right on in. Amazed she stood looking around as I fixed us the drinks. Spiked up lemonade with vodka, I handed her a tall glass. She drank it down quickly like it was precisely what she'd been waiting for all her life. I rolled up a fat joint and blazed it up. We smoked and lightly chatted about nothing for ten minutes or so. When I could see the effects kick in from the drinks and weed I moved closer to her on my leather couch. She wanted the big black stick and it was only right that I gave it to her. I was so close she could smell my sweat when I whispered;

"Stop playing games baby your day has come, you're about to get to know a brother man real well. The way you always dreamed about it."

"You really think I am pretty right, you weren't just saying that."

"Yeah you pretty baby, and pretty stupid to think I wouldn't know you want to get that vagina well fu--d."

"I never said I didn't I just, well I." I grabbed the remote and turned up the stereo as she spoke, the music blasted out her voice. Phil Collins 'take a look at me now,' took over the scene.

"Baby, take a look at me now, like what you see Lovely? Stand your pretty self up and dance for me. Do a spin or something let me see that ass in motion." She said; "Ok." Then jumped up strolled and spent around, no question she had the goods. Nice skin tone no scars or visible marks, light freckles on her cheeks and cherry red lips. The little shorts she sported barely contained her big behind and the white tank top screamed under the extreme pressure from her large bosom.

"Baby you are star material. You know your hair comes all the way down to your buttocks, how long have you been growing it?"

"Oh all my life, my mother never cut it, she just trimmed it every now and then." I took a guess at her age.

"So what's that for twenty years now?"

"Yes I guess, my Mother is a brunette as well. We both have these ridiculously big butts. I do solemnly swear, I am going to get a butt reduction before it's all over."

"Naw, never that baby, you look just fine with all that behind, I love it Lovely It goes with those dolly partons you got pocking out front."

"I guess so you sure it's not too big of a backyard to play in, hey pass the joint man can I smoke some?"

Dawn lunged forward and fell at my feet on the floor in a cropped up position. She leaned on my leg with her arm and reached for the weed with the other. I put it in her mouth gave her a long pull while spreading my legs wider. Dawn caught the hint and unzipped my jeans. She gasped at the sight of her prize standing strong at attention. She went to work giving me the best blowjob I ever had, well at the time anyway. I moaned more than I planned to that day.

It was a very tight fit when I entered her but I felt her insides shiver moisten and stretch to accommodate the invasion. She was a multiple orgasm screamer; I tore the frame out of her for six hours. After we exchanged numbers I cleaned up went outside started up the engine and peeled off to take Lovely home. Dawn was in love by now and wanted to stay but I had a date with Kelly girl, we were going to the movies that night.

"That's my aunt house right there the blue one. You are going to call me tomorrow Sebastian, you said so?"

"Yeah Lovely relax baby, we will spend plenty of time together this summer." Twiddling her long hair locks as she looked at me like a lost puppy she responded.

"Ok anything you say Sebastian, if you want I could just come back by later."

"No, never just show up girl. I said I'll call you, just be ready."

"Ok Sebastian I will see you later I'd better go, if my aunt sees me with a black man you know I am in trouble."

"Yeah, later baby, till tomorrow and we no doubt have some unfinished business."

"I can't wait to finish it Sebastian I can't wait, I'm will be dreaming of you all night." leaning over her luscious legs I opened the door.

"Sounds like good news to me baby, now get out my car with your sexy ass."

I smacked that big behind good as she jumped out. I wondered how much money I could make with a star like her on the hoe stroll. Well, I promised my Moms I would chill, but what a waste of a good hoe I figured. When I got home and entered my house the phone was ringing. I picked it up and it was Nancy, Kelly girl's best friend. Nancy was a big girl who seemed prejudice against minorities; I was surprised to be hearing from her.

"Nancy how'd you get my number what's up?"

"Well Kelly gave it to me in case of emergency and this is an emergency." I noticed that Nancy was crying and her voice breaking up as she spoke.

"Nancy calm down, what's good what happened."

"Well Sebastian Kelly she was - Kelly, she got - well Kelly is um, Sebastian are you sitting down, if not please sit down?" I did just that as I felt weak like in the case of Mahogany all over again.

"Look Nancy I'm sitting down Ok, now give it to me straight. I am a big boy you know."

"Ok, ok Sebastian, Kelly has been in a car accident and she is hurt pretty badly. She's in a coma in fact." I dropped the phone on the floor in shock.

"Sebastian, are you still there, hello?" Picking up the phone in a very angry state I challenged the unwanted information.

"What are you saying, you sorry ass bit-- don't play with me. You think I don't know that you are jealous of us, if you are lying you know your ass is mine Nancy."

"No, I would never kid around about something this serious. She's really hurt, let me tell you what happened. Kelly and her old man Paul got into it about you. See you thought I didn't like you but that's not true, I like you Sebastian. It is Kelly's sister Louise who doesn't like you. Louise told Paul everything and they were arguing today, while out and about. When Kelly confessed it was all true and she affirmed that she wanted to leave him for you, Paul just flipped out completely.

"You saying that I am the cause of all this?"

"No Sebastian of course not, they have been fighting since they first got together. Paul said if he couldn't be with her then nobody could. Sebastian the freaking idiot drove his GTO dead on, high speed into a telephone pole. To make it even more devastating an eighteen-wheeler slammed into the back of them. I am so hurt Sebastian she is my best friend, I love Kelly."

"What, noooooooo man, I don't believe it, noooo, it can't be true. Nancy you said she's in a coma?"

"Yes I'm going to the hospital now, North Shore University. You want to go I will pick you up if you like?" I was silent for a minute locked in a deep trance. I thought to myself, 'not again, no way not again, what am I cursed or something.' After two minutes passed with Nancy crying on the phone in my ear I finally spoke up.

"Yeah Nancy you can come get me - I can't drive right now, I need a drink. Let me give you the directions to my house. Hello Nancy you hear me are you there?" She had hung up on me. I didn't care I went straight for the booze? It was five minutes later when my doorbell rang. I opened it with a tall full proof drink in my hand, only to find Nancy standing there.

"Sebastian, let me in its Nancy."

"Nancy, come in how the hell do you know where I live, and how'd you get here so fast?"

"Well I kind of knew the area my cousins are right around here."

"Bit-- stop the lying this is no time for playing games, tell me the truth." Nancy hesitated for a second looking around my plush pad.

"I hear you Sebastian calm down, the truth is I followed you and Kelly here one day. Just to be safe and look out for my friend's best interest, you understand don't you? Soon as her sister called about the crash I started heading this way. I was going to just come here but I got overwhelmed, so I stopped at the gas station around the corner and called you. I swear that's the whole truth please don't hate me Sebastian."

"I don't hate you, but you been spying on us, you know you wrong Nancy."

"Not spying just, well maybe a little spying. I felt like why she had to be so lucky and meet you first, I just wanted too."

"Shut the fu-- up lets go I will deal with your ass later. Now with all her family there how am I supposed to get in?"

"Well Sebastian that's easy I will say you're my friend and Kelly sister feels so bad she's not even going to the hospital anytime soon. No one else knows about you, Louise told me that much. I should be able to get us some alone time, it's the least I can do."

"I guess I owe you one, thanks for helping Nancy, let's get going." I guzzled down the remaining alcohol in my glass and slammed the front door behind us.

We got to the hospital in about twenty minutes, the elevator seemed like it took forever to come down. Nancy pressed the floor button and the doors closed. On the ride upstairs I prayed for Kelly. Yes I remember praying real hard for her on the way up. I felt like God could really hear me, I recall making a strong connection. Then The Devil interrupted my memories. \- Annette was yapping again, only this time she was driving us back from Philly. Her nagging voice awakened me up from a nap of remembrance as we reentered the New York City limits.

"You going to man up and move in with me or what Sebastian? Here I am in New York without my man living with me. What kind of sh-- is that?"

"Annette please you said you came here for work not me, now all of a sudden we gotta live together. You are not ready for that you still have men calling your phone from Carolina and from New Orleans. You know I would appreciate it if you stop fronting and get your life in order, who knows you might just get a man to take you seriously. You want full time benefits for part time work, you crazy. No, I am not moving in with your ass, see then I'd have to kill you when you fu-- around and you know your hoe ass is going to always fu-- around." Annette gripped the steering wheel tighter as she zoomed across the Verrazano Bridge.

"You know what, why don't you, just sell some pus-- you love to have sex anyway? I promised my Moms I wouldn't do it but you're a bona fide hoe for real, let's get some paper together and stop this nonsense like we are monogamous." She frowned at me, thought about it then agreed with me.

"Ok set it up but I want two hundred and better for this pus-- player, and I ani't working on no hoe stroll either, set up dates only."

"Bit-- you crazy, you are no Angela Bassett Lisa Ray type chic. You lucky your old ass can get fifty dollars out here in this game, you need to get serious and do what you like to do- screw and be happy to just get paid for it. You give it away for free as it is, to any and everybody."

"Fu-- you Sebastian, matter fact mother fu--you, I don't give away sh-- and to prove it you ani't getting no more, how about that player?"

"Good you will be doing me a favor, saving me the trouble of having to pound away at already pounded away pus--. Your hole is not marinated, its blasterated Annette. So many cats done dug up in you they could have made the Holland Tunnel out your ass." She pretended to be in a state of frenzy almost crying. This was a familiar routine she often displayed.

"Oh that's so wrong, why do you talk to me like that? I treat you with so much respect and you just dog me. You know Sebastian you really hurt my feelings today. That's it I am done with you no more of this abuse. It's over Sebastian you hear me over." If I had a nickel for every time she said that I would be the richest man in history, I was hardly fazed at her bickering.

"No problem baby as a matter of fact, you done with me, good go back to your Polly Pure Bread act and let's move on already. Drop me off at the nearest train station I can get home from anywhere."

"No, no, not so fast Sebastian, let's just get some drugs and get high this one last time then it's over for us ok?"

"You sure I thought you were done with me, what now you need me to cop for you in these New York streets? You stunt trying to front dry up them fake tears."

"Whatever Sebastian it's my money getting the product."

"You can say that again, this pimping ani't easy and you sure are not playing me out no cash hoe."

"Oh so that's what you do, just use me for my money and my car right? Did your baby momma Jasmine know I brought all the clothes and gifts for the twins you just gave to her huh?"

"You act like I didn't put in cash as well, Annette knock it off."

"Sebastian please, you're sorry broke ass didn't buy not one thing. I spent six hundred and fifty dollar's, I bet you didn't tell her that sh-- did you? Plus the gas and tolls to get you there to see them for the first time, it all adds up you know. I rented the hotel had to feed us and you smoke cigarettes like a chimney. Now you have the nerve to treat me like this, you know I may be a hoe Sebastian but I am your hoe everybody knows that."

"Yeah I know baby relax we going to get the drugs calm down, Just calm down."

"You're so mean to me Sebastian damn - why?"

"Mean come on Annette you're the meanest woman I ever met, you're not God's child stop it. You need to stop smoking so much weed and coke maybe then your thinking would clear up. It's destroying your brain cells Annette."

"Yeah whatever player you like it, and love the way we freak off when I'm high so cut the sh-- player. I sex you lovely and suck you off every time don't I? Sebastian just take care of me and I will take care of you baby."

Annette couldn't even wait until we pulled off from the dealer's house in Jamaica Queens before she lit up. I jumped back on the road now at the wheel again, and resumed my thoughts about Kelly. Yeah I was thinking about Kelly girl in the hospital right? Oh yes that's where I was before such a rude interruption.

Well the elevator ride up was long; I prayed and prayed the whole way. 'Lord please don't take my Kelly girl please God no.' when we got to the floor It took Nancy a half hour to get us in for a private visit without her family catching on. Kelly was in real bad shape, it took everything I had in me not to cry when I laid eyes on her. She was tore up for real, I hardly recognized her. The doctors said even if she lived she would never walk or talk again, she would be a vegetable. Her head was bashed in on both sides from the crushing impact with the telephone pole. She was in a deep, deep coma unaware of anyone's presence. I stood at the side of her bed looking her over for five minutes. Then the tears just flowed out of me on her, I couldn't hold back anymore. I was devastated, heartbroken and confused about life and the insane chain of events I had been through.

This would be the last time I cried for many years, a rock hard exterior was soon created. It would seem the more we experience hardships and tragedy in life, the more we become insensitive to it all. Maybe it is all part of the test of life that separates or concludes who is worthy to move forward. I couldn't be sure I just know that every human being will be emotionally shaken at one time or another. Kelly's boyfriend Paul survived with a concussion and minor bruises. He stayed away from the hospital after his release in fear of Kelly's family's wrath. Smart move on his behalf, but I had no plans to let him get away for long. Nancy took me to see Kelly everyday for two weeks.

Then on Aug 10th 1992, Kelly girl died with me right there holding on to her hand. She squeezed real hard, looked up at me with those blue eyes as if to say goodbye, and then just went limp. The official reason was a lack of oxygen to the brain, but as far as I was concerned it was all Paul's fault. She was only twenty seven years old when she passed on. Her funeral was very beautiful and even though I stayed off in the distance; I know she felt my presence, I know she knew my love was close by. Nancy came to my house daily and cooked for me cleaned up a little and kept my spirits up as best she could. Eventually I gave her what she wanted a good hard pounding, and then I was done with her. I started seeing more of Dawn – Lovely, my southern bell before she went back south, but my heart wasn't in it. The pain of the last two years was more than I could bear. At twenty two years old I had already been through hell. I started to feel as if a dark cloud followed me and anyone who came around would be affected by it. Cold-hearted Sebastian was creeping back in and I couldn't stop him or give him a good reason not to do so. Nancy called me one last time two months after Kelly died.

"Sebastian, hey baby you alright over there?"

"I am fine Nancy what's up I told you we were over, It was just a in the moment thing we both were missing Kelly at the time so what are you calling me for?"

"Wow take it easy baby I know, I know. I was just wondering if you heard about Paul, that's all."

"No but you are going to tell me aren't you?"

"Yes I am because I know you would want to know. Well Kelly's ex boyfriend Paul was found dead in Mastic beach. He was shot nineteen times in the groin and eight times in the head. Twenty seven times total, Kelly's age. They also say his heart was cut out and placed in his mouth with both his feet chopped off and missing, nowhere around to be found."

"Well I guess he can't run anymore Nancy, huh?"

"Sebastian I am not sure if you had something to do with it or not, but I'm glad either way. I knew you wouldn't let Kelly down."

"Nancy I don't know what you're talking about I'm just hearing about all this for the first time."

"I know Sebastian; I understand you loud and clear. You take care of yourself now."

"Yeah, you too Nancy, live on and prosper, peace." To the best of my recollection I had nothing to do with Paul meeting death, but it is like I said, 'to the best of my recollection.'

Winter came on strong after October and I was tired of living from woman to woman. I decided to take a good long needed break. That was the first time in life I went celibate for a minute. Goodbye Kelly girl, there will always be a special place in my heart for you. It's a shame it ended this way but; never the less, it's curtains baby, its curtains.......

**Chapter 7 Susan the Gypsy**

Exodus 3:13 And God said to Moses, "I am who I am." And he said "Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, 'I am has sent me to you."

Reflecting on my life I realized I had always went for the easy girls. Having been born with a natural charm and a mouth full of game got me in quick, which let to all this pain. Believe it or not, I was celibate for three years no sex no booze no weed, nothing. Just a deep spiritual concentrated uplifting, and a lot of exercise. I was almost twenty- five built like a muscle man and now and living in a beautiful stylish West Hempstead two bedroom apartment. My career in Mcing and Deejaying had took of strong. I engineered in studios wrote mixed and produced songs. I played many large parties all over Long Island and the Five Borough's. Plenty of women were interested in getting next to me. I dated from time to time but nothing serious. Then in the dead of 1995's winter storms, Susan drifted into my life like a Gypsy in the night. I remember it was a Friday night about 7:30pm. I was off for a change home chilling when my phone rang.

"Hello may I speak to Jerome." She had a sweet soft delicate voice.

"There is no Jerome here baby you have the wrong number."

"Oh no, you sure this is the number he gave me 516 111 – 4783."

"Yeah well that's my number and there is no Jerome here baby."

"Oh I am so sorry then please excuse me, goodnight."

"No problem baby, you sound fine Jerome doesn't live here but I do, call back anytime. I like your West Indian accent."

"Hee, hee, hee, you're funny but no thanks I apologize for any inconvenience goodnight." I sat there wondering what that was all about but I didn't wonder for very long. Five minutes later my phone rang again.

"Hello."

"Yes, goodnight I just wanted to ask; you don't know Jerome by any chance do you, Jerome James, from Elmont?" Leaning back on the sofa, I turned the TV down to hear her words with closer inspection.

"No I don't baby and this is not Elmont. You sure sound sweet though, I wish I was Jerome right now the way you searching for him. I tell you what I'll be your Jerome, you need to talk I'm all ears talk to me."

"Oh no, I couldn't tell you these things I need to tell him, it is way too personal. Besides you would not understand."

"Listen sweetheart you would be surprised at what I'd understand. I need somebody to talk to anyway I'm just home maxing and relaxing in front of the TV. I'm kind of bored in fact it's a good thing you called, what's your name sweetheart?"

"Excuse you, no way; I don't give out my name to strangers ever no way." I was at full attention now; I loved her accent and could tell we didn't know each other. Up until now I suspected one my boys playing a joke on me, but she sounded too sincere.

"Ok relax yourself, I'm just trying to make our communication a little easier that's all I will just call you Mystery lady for now cause I'd sure like to solve this puzzle."

"Well nice talking to you, umm." She waited for me to give my name.

"Sebastian, my name is Sebastian baby."

"Well nice talking to you Sebastian I must go now, goodnight."

"Alright Mystery, holler if you need me I'm here all night."

I said to myself, 'what the hell was that all about? Whatever it was she sounds fine as ever, man Sebastian you out of practice Gee. There was a time you would have pulled that off easy with much more game kid. If she calls back, get your game tight and try to meet this Mystery lady.' Five minutes later my phone rang again.

"Hello."

"Hi me again, goodnight wrong number I suppose, I was just double checking." I had no intention of believing that or letting her off the hook so easy this time.

"It's all good Mystery, I'm feeling your voice I know you are beautiful baby."

"What excuse me, you can tell all of that from the phone, ehh' I don't think so."

"Look you should at least tell me your name and stop being rude baby; after all you are calling me."

"Oh no, we don't know each other, I told you no names to strangers." I had some soft music playing in the background by now, Al Greene's greatest hits, just loud enough to spark her interest somewhat."

"Ok but you know my name Mystery and I don't know yours, you might be the police or something, what's good baby."

"The police, what are you a criminal?"

"No, I am only guilty of wishing I knew you, nothing more baby but you keep playing games." I could hear her breathing change as she moved around. She was starting to give into me.

"I am not playing games just being careful that's all. I grew up in Trinidad and we were taught to be careful and respect ourselves, no."

"Respect, you call what you're doing respect. Not even giving me the courtesy of your name while speaking to me. Hey no problem baby I am just glad to hear your sexy voice, it is music to my ears. A brother is well satisfied with that baby."

"Fine Mr. Sebastian, if you feel I am being rude I will not bother you again how is that forget it, goodnight."

"Forget what, we don't even know each other remember?"

"Yes and we won't you are way too pushy for me mister." She was trying to play high post, like she was so innocent meanwhile she was calling me not the other way around.

"Listen here Mystery lady I had about enough of this game. If you're that stuck up don't call here anymore." The prat, a move from the pimp game it never leaves a man's knowledge after it has taken root, I ran the same thing on Savannah way, way back.

"Fine no problem, no name for you then Sebastian." I was back feeling the game again, this was great practice.

"Good keep your name, I don't want to know you anyway, I don't do the stuck up type of chic no way."

"Ok goodnight and good bye."

"Yeah dial tone baby, listen to this." I hung up wondering If shed call back, wondering If she was good looking. I wondered if I was too forward with this mysterious mistake caller. I waited five minutes then checked the caller ID. No number she had a block. I tried real hard to watch a Cosby show repeat but my mind kept wandering back to her, her who? It was eleven minutes later this time before my phone rang again.

"Yeah, hello Sebastian speaking." A pause took over the air in between us then she sighed out loud.

"Hi Sebastian this is Susan." Her voice was now soft spoken and even sweeter than before.

"Susan I don't know any Susan."

"Susan is my name, you happy now? That is if you still want to know?" I kicked my feet up on the coffee table, having fun with the whole thing.

"Oh it's you I didn't expect to hear from you again and you sound different, so calm."

I could tell by the back ground sound and clarity she had switched phones and went into a much more private location. This made me wonder if Mystery now known as Susan still lived with her parents, ah a Momma's girl.

"Yes well I thought it over and you were right it was rude not to give you my name."

"Well I am glad to know you Susan I feel privileged to get such secret CIA information.

"Very funny Sebastian I said I was sorry give me a break."

"Ok, we friends now baby, let's keep it that way."

"Yes well it's after eight and I turn in early to get good rest. So I just wanted to call you to be polite and tell you my name. I won't call again; nice meeting you Sebastian." Man she had a little prat game in her as well.

"Ok nice meeting you Susan but it's your lost baby. I feel we can develop this friendship into something real special. So if you change your mind, do feel free to call back anytime."

"Yes then it is my lost, but I won't call I am sure goodnight Sebastian."

"Goodnight Miss Susan, Susan the drifter, no I mean Gypsy ha, ha."

We hung up for the umpteenth time. I said to myself now this is some weird sh-- here. If she calls me again tonight I'm sexing that ass. It's been a long time; I need some extra good loving. I got up and went to the kitchen to fix myself a snack. I made two big peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a tall glass of milk. I played with the remote until I found a good James Bond movie (The man with the Golden Gun). It was 8:30 when it started and I watched a good portion before I began to dose off. My eyes were getting heavier by the minute. I was just about to enter the twilight zone when the sound of my phone ringing brought me back.

"Heeello who dis?"

"Hi, it's me Susan, I had trouble sleeping and you said call anytime.

"What time is it oh 9:15 you kidding me right you can't sleep baby? I thought you always go to bed early."

"No it isn't that it's what you said to me before we hung up."

"What - call back anytime?"

"No what did you mean when you called me Susan the Gypsy?"

"Oh that, I was just thinking how you drifted into my evening like a Gypsy woman all mysterious, that's all. Look Susan I would love to chat but I'm tired myself now. All this telephone chatting has me drained do me a favor call me tomorrow and let's continue this conversation ok?"

"Oh now you are too busy for me is that it, what did your girlfriend show up Sebastian huh? You men are all the same you come on with all these lines about how fine us woman are and how much you want us and all that, then it always turns out you are all just dogs. Ok goodnight Sebastian I won't call you ever again."

"Wait a minute Susan hold on baby; it's not like that I don't even have a girlfriend right now I'm single and available. I just got a little tired after eating that's all."

"I see, what did you eat? You know you shouldn't eat late it makes you have bad dreams."

"Well what if I dream about you I sure don't see anything bad about that."

"Dream of me, Hee, hee, you don't even know what I look like."

"Well I can dream can't I? Besides now that I am up, why don't you just tell me?"

"Oh no I could never do that, describe myself to a stranger no way never. You know you ask some very personal questions mister."

"Personal, what to give me a little description come on Susan get serious. You know what baby we can pick this up tomorrow I'm tired."

"Fine goodnight then but there will be no tomorrow Sebastian."

"Good, you're crazy ass is starting to piss me off so don't call me no more." (Click)

I hung up before Susan could respond. Damn I thought 'what am I; attract a sicko man or some sh-- why I always gotta meet the crazy chicks.' Thirty seconds later my phone rang I was heated by this time.

"Hello you dumb ass didn't I tell you don't call here no more."

"Wow breathe easy player it's me Hp, What's good man?"

"Same sh-- man my bad, some chic keeps harassing me on my phone."

"A chic huh, what did you meet her at one of your yoga aerobics natural healing prayer classes ha, ha?"

"Yeah very funny H, you know it ani't those kind of classes I even go too. You a real comedian today I see. She was a wrong number call, but she sounds fine so I kicked it with her a little bit, she won't stop calling though."

"Sounds like a good problem to me player. Look we haven't hooked up in a minute, since I been playing ball overseas. I'm in town for a month kid, me and wifey wanted to know if you want to hit a movie with us I see you off from Deejaying tonight."

"Yeah but not tonight kid; man Hp I'm glad to be home for a change seems like I work so much I just visit my house."

"Yeah I know the feeling, I got two kids to feed, Sebastian man when you going to settle down and have some children?"

"I don't know don't rush me player. Let me handle this here pimping, ya' heard."

"Man that mentality never leaves I see, once a pimp always a pimp mentally somehow huh?"

"You know the code player, later Hp."

"Yeah ight' peace kid." Soon as I hung up from and took a deep breath my phone rang but I was a lot calmer after talking to Hp.

"Yeah who diss."

"Sebastian I have a question for you, do you like girls from Trini?"

"You mean Trinidad, well I don't know Susan never had one but like I said you sound beautiful on the phone at least."

"Well I don't consider myself beautiful I'd say I was ok looking."

"Well can I be the judge of that baby why don't we just meet somewhere? Skip all this phony relationship nonsense lets meet up right now."

"No way I just can't ,I'm very shy you know I just can't do it Sebastian."

"Ok well give me a description of yourself, work with me baby."

"No forget it, I can't you might not find me attractive no, no, no forget it goodnight." This time I didn't even answer I just hung up in her face. Twenty seconds later my phone rang I didn't answer it I let the machine pick it up.

"Sebastian, Sebastian you better not laugh at me. I'm short 5ft 4 inches and I weight a hundred and six pounds. I have brown skin with short black hair. I am a small B cup and have I think a nice little round behind. Not too big just right for my size you know. I hate my lips they are way too large, but other than that I guess I am ok looking, If you still are interested." I picked up the phone right then I was interested she sounded so sweet breaking down humbly describing herself.

"Yes Susan I am still interested baby. But no more of this phony relationship game, lets meet up."

"Phony relationship, you keep saying that what's that mean?"

"A relationship over the phone, phony you get it?"

"Oh now I get it hee, hee, well tell me something about you Sebastian you haven't done that yet." And so I did just that, we talked this time for an hour and a half about all kinds of things. My life and her life as well, on the surface anyway. My favorites and all her special places to go and some things she liked to do. We had a lot in common and enjoyed some good laughs that night while sharing hopes and dreams. The whole time I was trying to get her to let me come over and pick her up, or to meet me somewhere. Finally after exhausting every avenue I said;

"Fu-- it it's late your young twenty two year old ass probably can't come out after twelve. We can hook up tomorrow it's all good baby."

"Ok we will do that then."

"And Susan let me tell you if you not calling me to meet up, do not I repeat, do not call here again tonight."

"What do think I'm a stalker or something? Don't worry Sebastian, goodnight we will catch up tomorrow." We hung up peacefully this time and five minutes later my phone rang again.

"Look Susan you bugging girl what's your problem? I'm about to call the cops and tell them I am being harassed in a minute." This was good game; I knew she was ready to meet.

"Please don't do that I made up my mind Sebastian and I think you will like it."

"Alright I'm listening."

"Meet me at the Majestic Diner on old country road, close by Garden City in fifteen minutes can you do that?" I popped up out my slumbering position ready to respond to her 'at once.'

"Yeah the majestic, I know the place I think that's Westbury not Garden City."I heard the rustling of keys in the background.

"Whatever, long as you know the one, I will see you there then, I have on a brown leather coat and hat with brown boots. You will see me sitting at the first table across from the bar ok?"

"Ok I will be there; I'm throwing on my three quarter suede suit, money green you cannot miss me in it." And throwing it on, I was as fast as possible. Jumping in the pants legs at the same time we were discussing it.

"Ok, goodnight then." I got dressed in record time and splashed on a little spruce, (cologne) I think it was Grey Flannel the irresistible smell of success. The Majestic was a popular late night diner they had great chicken and waffles and that's very hard to find in New York. I set the mood in my spot clicking on the usual colored lights in case I got lucky and she came back with me. I hit the whole bed in a bad with linen spray, the curtains and all, I always knew women liked the smells of this sort having studied the game for so long. Rushing like a racehorse I made it to the diner fashionably late, about five minutes behind schedule. I rolled in slow like it was nothing special taking place. I remember it was crowded that night music blasting and people having a real good time. I hoped Susan wasn't lying to me about her looks, this being my first blind date. That's when I spotted her, bingo she was lying. She was way more beautiful then she so modestly stated, I had a real winner.

Now I only hoped she liked me because sister was a bad chic, much to fine to be calling my ass or any stranger fifty times. Her bronze brown skin looked like she bathed most of her life with coco butter, all day long. Her hair was short and cut in a trendy style right out the salon. The thick juicy lips she possessed were incredible and her super pretty face stood out in a crowd anywhere. Susan had those flickering eyes that constantly blinked at rapid speed. She was short but nice and curvy, very curvy. Susan was a ten and I couldn't remember the last time I saw a woman that looked this good, a true goddess no question about it. Men were eyeing her all over the diner I was just in time to stop there plots and ploys. You know in all seriousness I would find all this so hard to believe if it hadn't happened to me, and reflecting back now I still have trouble believing it. The truth is, I would have told a man to stop making up fairytales had he told me this story.

"Hello Susan, so we finally meet." I kissed her hand and took a seat across the table.

"Yes Sebastian how are you?"

"I am just fine, but not as fine as you are baby damn you're gorgeous."

"Stop you're making me blush, let's order something ok? Just drinks it is too late to eat Sebastian." We ordered some virgin drinks and I did most of the talking. Susan sat there all sexy and shy with her head tucked in her shoulder and her eyes blinking rapidly. You think my dumb ass would know better by now but nooooo, I had to have her. After twenty-five minutes of Susan's one word answers like yes – no – no thank you – I guess and ok. After hearing all this I was pissed, she was a mental case. Susan did all that talking on the phone and now couldn't speak. I said 'I am done,' and called the waiter for the check.

"You ready to go Sebastian?"

"Well you are not talking to me baby."

"Well, I am just tired that's all."

"Ok well some other time then Susan, now we met, we can resume another day."

"Yes that would be fine." She got up and put on her leather coat looking sexy but somewhat upset. I caught a nice glance at her so called small behind, as she described it. Let me tell you, there was nothing small about it, she had a banging booty.

"Yeah later, let me get home, I have an early day tomorrow." She didn't answer she just walked out with style and grace.

I left the crowded place and drove home thinking, 'what a waste of a good night off work. Plus it cost me twenty bucks, no more nut cases man, no more.' Maybe she wasn't feeling me who knows, was she a phone sex freak or something? She must be on meds - a super fine eye blinking chic like that who can't speak unless on the phone, hell no! What luck you got homie. 'Man Sebastian your ass better stay celibate man you got no luck with women.' Arriving home I parked my car, I now had a nice used BMW. I remember sitting in the driveway laughing to myself about the night's events when I heard the phone ringing inside. I said out loud, 'no way,' but I grabbed my keys and rushed inside to answer it. Fumbling with the front door lock took me a minute, the ringing continued on and on.

"Hello."

"Goodnight Sebastian." I took off my coat feeling very warm, I must have had the heat on too high.

"Susan, what's good it is 1:15 am and you calling me again."

"Oh my, is it too late then?"

"Why you calling anyway, you didn't have anything to say right in front of me?"

"I know I am so sorry Sebastian I am quite shy you know, it wasn't you. It's not like I ever did this before, I was nervous please forgive me." Her voice, that sweet sounding voice, alongside the mental picture of her beautiful face and body I now had in my mind grabbed me in a trance. I shut the door and sat down to talk. Yes talk once again to my Gypsy woman.

"Well I can dig it baby you seem like a nice girl, I can be a little pushy sometimes, it's all good."

"Pushy, a little pushy - please I can see why you're a successful Deejay. You can push your way into The White House Sebastian. Pushy is an understatement, you are gifted with speech. You know you captured my attention from the first phone call that is amazing I never call a strange man back, ever. And you had me calling back like some crazy woman after you, I don't know why but I was so interested in you."

"Was huh, as in you are not anymore now that you met me in person."

"No I mean - am, you know as in - still are. Sebastian you are a very nice looking man, you're very attractive and have a style that cannot be explained, it just radiates off of you."

"Go on baby sounds good." I sat back down by now and turned on the big screen in the living room.

"You have me blushing, look I just couldn't find the words to say it when we were together that's all. I was overwhelmed I really expected some guy I wouldn't really be into you know just to satisfy my curiosity I met up with you. Then you show up all handsome and debonair and I was, well speechless I guess."

"Well you sure are not now, and I felt quite the same, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever had the honor of meeting as a result of the wrong number baby"

"Ha ha, that is so funny; you know no one will ever believe us."

"You are so right, they sure wont it's a strange story Susan. Let's continue this night baby, let me come scoop you up, where did you say you lived, in East Meadow right?"

"Yes but I can't come over Sebastian it's late and a respectful girl like me doesn't visit a man at such late hours or on the first day of knowing him."

"Are fuey, that's a bunch of nonsense baby. Time is of the essence we have to capture this moment while it is here, seize the day sweetheart. If you are feeling me and I'm feeling you I don't see anything wrong with hooking up together, I sure wouldn't think any less of you." I could hear her brain thinking.

"In fact it is the other way around if you play that I'm a nice girl game too long I know you up to something. You like me and I like you so let's get it popping baby, choose lose or stay confused. Plus I feel cheated out of my date anyway so make it up to me baby."

"No Sebastian not tonight see there you go putting your gifted tongue spell on me but this time it's not going to work. I am glad we met and we will continue more another time ok?"

"Ok baby, I won't be too pushy, if you feel like driving down Hempstead turnpike over too me don't hesitate baby. I live at six thirty four Prince Street side door."

"Sebastian cut it out, I will speak to you tomorrow goodnight then."

"Yeah goodnight Susan the Gypsy woman, I will dream about you until I finally have you in my arms. I should have hugged you when I had the chance that's where I went wrong baby."

"Stop it; I'm blushing red already I'll speak to you later, goodnight."

"Alright, alright, goodnight." I said a prayer and hit the hay, I was happy with the way things turned out. My clock said 2:45 damn I needed rest I turned over patted the pillow and dug in real good. Ten minutes later my phone rang again.

"Hello."

"Did you say Prince Street Sebastian?"

"Yes I did say Prince Street, six thirty four side door, the big blue house on the corner."

"Oh yes I see it now, Sebastian can I park in the driveway?" "Yes you can baby, yes you can, you can park anywhere you want to." This was the moment I had been waiting for all night. Susan came in looking as stunning as she did earlier, except she sported a more bedtime type outfit. She had on a really nice baby blue silk pajama get up with an overcoat. She must have wanted to send me a message, but it wasn't necessary because the fact that she was out her door and at my house told it all. Susan had choose, and I was more than willing after my three years of celibacy to take the extra time to make love to her like she was a Trinidadian Queen.

Hot sex to perfection and man was she good at it. She was an expert at the trade of love making but not good enough to deal with a master at the game. I gave her the front advantage for about a good hour or so. Playing it up like she amazed me with her skill, but all the while saving the best for the second, third, fourth and fifth hour. I tore the frame off the bed I slammed her so hard. The walls shook and the neighbors got the thrill of a lifetime. After all the night's drama and the waiting, I don't know what got into me. But I can tell you I rocked Susan's world with a performance I had never before put on any woman. She was light and easy to bounce around, up and down in the most amazing interesting positions. We touched every place in my apartment even the bathroom, where I pounded away at her sexy body over the sink. The rest is history as they say, boring details about her flawless mark free body and her insatiable sexual appetite. Her nice petite size was just right for bouncing up and down on me to blissful endless pleasures. She had unusually large areoles and one-inch nipples when they were aroused. You know the usual stuff, yeah right she was a jewel for a brother who hadn't had any in a good minute.

I was feeling Susan I really was, but it's true a man will not fully trust a sister that came along in an easy or kind of hard but funny way, and that thing about her being a little nutty well she was. Susan had a high-class personality you know the champagne taste, but with the beer pocket. She always talked about unaffordable things as if she had to have them. It was almost a scary type passion. She became very possessive and wanted to be under me way too much. I mean hey I Just got back on the market and here she was trying to lay claims on a brother. She would pop up unannounced all the time even if I said I was working or whatever there she was, obsessed with me - big time. You know life is funny, she was fine and very sexually satisfying if she would have just took it easy a little who knows what could have became of us. I recall the way Susan and me ended it all, what a bugged out ending, hell what a bugged out beginning. But before Susan pulled that last sh-- she did to me I met Dr. Watson at the famous Roxy night Club in Manhattan. I remember because early that night I had an argument with Susan she was playing me way to close as usual. Sitting in my bedroom I tried to explain to her my feelings. I had been seeing Susan for about five months and it was time talk things over. I asked her for some space and as usual, she didn't understand.

"Look Susan, 'it's curtains baby,' I can't take you evading in all my privacy. You are peeking in windows, checking my phone and going all through my pockets. It's over; you blew a good thing I don't want to see you no more."

"Wait Sebastian I love you I really do, if you leave me I will never be with another man ever, ever, ever again." Man if I had one penny for how times I've heard that line in my life id be rich right now for real.

"Yeah right sounds good, but I'm not buying it, you will be hooked up with someone else two weeks later, so save the drama."

"No never I swear to God if it's not you, it's no one Sebastian. And I got great news for you that I know you will like sit down a second baby."

"Ok but make it quick I have to hit this Club and play tonight."

"Where, I want to go tonight? I love the way you spin. You are my favorite selector. Take me with you we can talk on the way."

"Oh no you don't, nice try Susan. See that's what I mean you won't let me breathe. As fine as you are, you really make yourself look ugly sometimes by acting like this. Last week you came up to the Club and demanded to get in screaming, 'I'm his woman' remember that? The night I played at the Shadow, They didn't know who you were Susan, besides you said you weren't coming out. If I knew you were coming you would have been on the guest list, but no - you had to sneak up on me and make a scene." She protested with much more gusto.

"I did not!" "You did just that, and to add to it you come in with an attitude. The waitress brings me a drink with a little smile and you're ready to fight her, thinking she's after me." She was applying her make up to her face with her portable kit playing, coy and innocent.

"She was after you please she couldn't keep her eyes off you Sebastian. She wanted to fu-- you I know women, I am one. Plus she had the nerve to wink at me like I got your man bit--. So I pushed her ugly ass big deal. Is that where you're playing again huh Sebastian, I like that place it is a mature crowd?" Susan looked great that day in first rate mini skirt and tight halter top with high heel banging black boots. I was almost tempted to take her along with me.

"No it's not where I am playing tonight, and yes the big deal is I have to work at these places. You are not coming with me tonight I need a break for real Susan."

"Ok honey, you are right I will wait here until you return I promise. Now about my news Sebastian, I got accepted - isn't that great?"

"Accepted, you mean by that school you been trying so hard to get in?"

"Yes I did it."

"That' is great good for you Susan, that school was in Utah right, or someplace like that?"

"Sure is."

"I am so proud of you; you know that School is lucky to have you. You are smart and your creative ideas will impress and expand in such a top notch environment." I was so glad to hear that I would soon be getting rid of Susan. She would have to move to Utah, perfect. At that time of my life I didn't want to be serious anymore after all I had gone through. I just wanted peace and mind and a little sex every now and then, so this was great news to me.

"Stop the act Sebastian, I know you're glad I will be leaving, after all you just dumped me a second ago."

"No Susan really this could be good for both of us and good for our relationship. I will miss you and come to visit you sometimes."

She had curled up on my couch like a kitty cat, her pretty toes close by me.

"You would come visit me Sebastian"

"Yes of course I will."

"That is so sweet I can't wait, I leave in three weeks we have to have fun until then. That is if you are not too busy for me. Now run along, go to your party I want you to have your space honey."

"Ok baby, I will see you later. Hey and don't be answering my phone with your jealous ass."

"Ha, ha, funny Sebastian later." I kissed her hard long and deep steady looking into those tricky eyes.

"Keep the bed nice and warm baby I got a special treat for you later."

"Ok rock the house tonight Sebastian, and think of me as I will be thinking and waiting on your return."

I left after some light feeling on her, caressing her real lovely for a minute. It was August dead summer and very hot out. I was cruising around in my Beemer checking out the birds in pum- pum shorts on a regular basis, but I said to myself, 'what the hell, I'll give her some quality time and then get rid of her for good.' Three weeks until freedom, Susan was so great in bed I really would come see her in Utah for a piece of that sweetness. I drove off happy yet a bit sad I wouldn't see her pretty face daily anymore. Life is strange like that, as humans we are never satisfied, we want it all. Even though Susan was driving me crazy I had become attached to her presence. So here I was finally getting what I been asking for but It was more than I thought It would be. I guess that's what people mean when they say, 'you must be careful what you pray for, because you might just get it.' This began the end of Susan the Gypsy but there is more, much more before the final curtain.

It was still early that evening just 7: pm I didn't have to start my Deejay set till 11pm. My cousin Marley had some beef in Brooklyn so I had it already planned to go help settle it. Yes you had to be a real down for whatever cat to be from Brooklyn and not to mention wild ass Long Island, so Marley's beef was nothing new to me. Even when you make it to the suburbs fighting is typical. The times that I needed back up, my Brooklyn family always held me down. He had beef with some kids form the adjacent projects. I always had the nine mille stashed in the secret car compartment. First I picked up my other cousin, Poetic, and we set out to handle business. I pulled up to Poetics house and honked the horn. He came out dressed to kill with the flyest pair of shades on since shaft hit the scene. He was always a very good looking man that they ladies adored. Poetic had that Terrence Howard whole thing working for him.

"Yo' Poe, what's good man? Throw your bag in the back. The trunk got crates of records in it."

"Alright bet. Man I was wondering what took you so long. You said 6:30 it's 7:15 Gee."

"I know man, Susan had me tied up a minute."

"I hear that, she's fine as hell, I still can't believe you met that honey on the phone like that. She could've had me Tired up too."

"Yeah right you straight with all them banging hoes you working with."

"Well, you know it ain't easy being Big Poe from the group home ha, ha." Laughing glad to be together again we drove off catching the southern state parkway from Amityville west headed towards Brooklyn. My BMW moved like a well precision machine, bobbing and weaving thru traffic. I hit Brooklyn in record time; 20 minutes flat I was on Atlantic Ave cruising.

"Damn, what you got under the hood cuz?"

"Nothing really, just a few slight modifications that aren't exactly legal."

"Well, it sure moves beautiful son, that's for sure." When we got to Fort Greene, Marley was outside waiting us. He was dressed to impress as well, he was the biggest of all of us 6'4 weighing in at a muscular three hundred. He jumped in gave me some directions to the cats building and we parked down the street and waited. He said this kid and his brother tried to jump him over some pus--.

"Yo' if the honey wants you, they gotta handle that son, too bad."

"Yeah, no doubt they think it's a game. Sebastian he gets off work and walks down here, bout 8:15, it's 5 to 8 now we good, should be anytime now." Poetic spoke up telling us to relax.

"Marley, you and Sebastian just watch my back; I'm knocking money the fu-- out.

"Hell no he's mine player." Marley responded, "They tried to jump me, you can't have all the fun." Not one to be left out of the action, I joined in letting them both know how I felt about it.

"Naw, naw, both you guys watch my back, I will handle this light work son, and it's nothing."

"True that Sebastian, but let me handle it, it's my beef."

"Yeah Marley you right no doubt, but if anybody else gets in it, they as good as done son, done." We chatted some more steady putting batteries in each other's backs. Hyping up the tension, man it was steaming hot flames coming out our mouths. One thing about my family, we're large in numbers and all basically crazy. We don't take no sh-- from no one, and we don't give a fu-- about you. Kenny the target turned the corner at 8:15 exactly and Marley jumped out fast and said;

"What's up now punk What's good one on one fair and square? Throw your hands up." Marley banged him in the jaw hard, but Kenny was nice with his hands and responded quick doing his best to get off a half nice body blow. Marley, well trained beat him down in a seconds flat. That's when Kenny started shouting for help.

"Hey, Danny they jumping me Man come down stairs quick man they are jumping me." Marley had him in a neck hold now and shoved him into the fence.

"Man you lost fair and square you bit-- ass, it was me and you straight up. You and your brother tried to jump me and now you fronting like we jumping you huh, huh, you punk." Marley really got mad and just bashed Kenny with a Garbage can dead in the face. I shouted out;

"Shut up you loser whoever, whatever we ready for it what!" Poetic now really pissed off with his short temper anyway yelled out real loud,

"Yeah mother fu--s we jumping your boy bring it on, what - all you sweet asses come get some." Sure enough by now three cats were running at us one had a Louisville slugger, I shouted out;

"Man up, we got company." Marley was still wailing on Kenny's ass talking to him as he punched his face bloody,

"That's why I fu—d your girl and she sucked my di-- real good and swallowed all of it you punk bastard." My heat was in the car I had no time to grab it so I picked up a 40 oz bottle threw it. The bottle hit dude with the bat dead in the grill. He fell out instantly hitting the concrete hard. I don't believe he ever saw it coming. The other two were fair game for the hands, Poetic and I against them. I laid the funny looking punk out with a quick two piece bang, bang. He was wack with the hand skills no practice. Then I turned around just in time to see the other chump pull out a switchblade.

"Poe blade kid See it?"

"Yeah I got this, I got this" Poetic had sized him up and caught him in his left eye like, bam, I was running towards and drop kicked him from behind. He fell forward right into a nice uppercut from Poe, the punch put him to sleep. The long knife fell from his hand. We ground kicked his ribs to shreds for five minutes straight. He was spitting up green blood when we stopped. Poetic grabbed up Marley off Kenny before he killed him, the cat was no longer moving anyway. We headed across the street for my whip when we heard the first shots ring out. Pow, Pow, pa, Pa Pow! We all ducked for cover and I went for my heat quick.

"Yo' somebody is shooting it's on now, Poe, Marley get down move, move oh it's on now." I started my BMW as I grabbed the heater but Poetic snatched it from me and bucked off five shots from my nine millimeter. Whoever was shooting I think ran for cover screaming.

"I'm hit yo' I am hit ah, man damn."

Poetic was real upset he had a fully automatic colt machine gun in his bag in the back seat he was dying to get to it. We sped off before he could reach over the seat. I headed for the Club to do my job. I remember it all like it was yesterday, Susan's news, the fight in Brooklyn and the world famous Roxy Club. That was where I first met Dr. Ellen Watson, what a wild night of events.

The line was around the corner when we made it to Manhattan. It was only 9pm so I had time to do some parking lot pimping. Isn't it amazing the same thing that causes you trouble every time is what we seek out to obtain, 'more women.' After cruising around the parking lot and talking to a few fine young tenders, we were ready for main attraction. I parked in the back and the security let us in the rear door. Two nice ass looking honey's walking around to the front shouted out.

"Hey can we roll in with you fine gentlemen?" Poetic told them, "Yeah sweetheart come on it's all good." So we had two cuties with us why not, when we hit the bar like three the hard way bad ass Brooklyn style about to do it. This was nothing new for me or us. If I went over all the women that I came across in the music world it would rack my brain forever, the main events are all I can stand to remember. We ordered up the champagne, when you are on top it's on the house no doubt. Club promoters wanted to make me feel as comfortable as possible. V.I.P rooms and drinks helped to satisfy the talent. I met and hung out with so many stars that I couldn't even count them all. I always liked to feel the room and people before I went to any private section of a place this helped me when I played. I believe one must never feel like he or she is too big to mingle a little with the patrons. So mingle we did, shaking hands and kissing cheeks. I couldn't believe what happened next, man some chic I knew in the past named Paula, her husband approached me while I was maxing hard with my family and these two honey's we let in with us. Paula was a slut I used to bang back when I was with Kelly girl. She was a fast in the ass, an every now and then jump off nothing special. But now she was married, good for her, but her husband for some reason was hounding me.

"You Sebastian right I'm Cedric man just wanted to talk to you that's all."

"My man can't you see I'm into something right now, do I know you?" I was busy holding one the girls by the waist with a glass in my other hand.

"No but this is some real business here" I stepped away from the bar excusing myself first. "Ok so what's good, I asked."

Now I stood with my back to the wall scanning the room and feeling the vibe. I was more interested in what the Deejay currently playing and his choices before my turn at primetime came along. I didn't want to hear anything from this dude. Frankie Beverly's hit song, 'before I let go' blazed out of the Roxy's incredible sound system so sweet, so loud and clear. The Deejay on the tables couldn't really cut it up right, man that ruins it every time, not studying your craft is a shame, in anything you do, right? In retrospect; however, regardless of his weak skill with advanced juggling, I still was feeling the song. The crowd was growing bigger and bigger with several hundred on the dance floor, about twelve hundred people inside the place but for the Roxy, hah not even halfway full. That's when I spotted her, who you ask? Dr.Watson, stupid! I was thinking 'Oh my who's this Goddess, finally a woman more beautiful than, than. What the, Oh my God, Oh myyyy, God, this sister is fine.' I kept saying to myself. This clown Cedric was steady yapping on about how he knows me and Paula were screwing around before they got married and she told him everything about me. Explaining how he just wanted me to know there was no hard feelings, and all that blah blah, chump sh--.

"Hard feelings, about what man, like you said I was with her keyword was and you weren't married at the time. So why are you here at my place of employment trying to stress me with this nonsense? She's all yours kid, you starting to sound like a man that is insecure."

"Ok Sebastian I feel you man you are not going understand me." I felt my anger beginning to rise.

"Understand what? you coming at me and I don't even know you, never saw you in my life, you got her now right, so live on what's the deal man, what? Me and her been done that's old news to me, I got my eye on some new news right this second." I turned on him sideways searching for that beauty I had spotted in the crowd, but he continued on with his nonsense.

"Yeah but she still speaks about you all the time man, you Deejay here you play there. Your house is this color your car is that and so on." Fed up and having lost track of Dr. Watson, who I didn't even know was Dr. Watson at the time, I grew impatient with Cedric.

"Really, well check this out money, that's your problem. I haven't heard from Paula in years. Instead of standing here talking to me about it you need to be home tapping that ass properly. Cedric, this conversation is over and if you approach me again on some bullsh-- I am taking it as you got some beef with me son. Then we handle it like men handle it, you heard."

One thing I noticed about men, the weak ones fall in love over and over never handling the business properly. When the truth comes out that the woman isn't satisfied with them, now they make sucker moves blaming others instead fixing the problem. Self delusion – that winner, always in the front row making fools out of brothers, and he was a fool.

"Sebastian I don't have no beef with you man, I'm Just saying you know, she still talks about you a lot." Scanning the room searching for that beautiful oasis that I wish to drink from, I had no spiritual nature or patience left.

"No I don't know, step off son you seriously killing my vibe. You telling me your wife still speaks of me and bringing that weak wack so called news to me are you for real?" I had the attention of all the right people, security and my two cousins watching my back, ready for a beat down. Cedric's time was up and he knew it, his total conversation lasted fifty nine seconds.

"Alright man Peace to you. I will move on."

"Yeah, peace." He was saying nothing yet treading on thin ice, nobody wasted my time; oh except women that is. I stepped off while he was still speaking that last sentence. Please, another second and I would have jawed him and whoever claimed to know the pus-- whipped chump. I said to myself, 'I should call her and fu-- her just because he had the nerve come at me like that.' In the few moments I spent talking to this idiot Poetic and Marley had them honey's wide open at the bar. They were all over them, it was like damn in my mind, 'hey you, hey you guys, get a room.' Man I tell you the fam, don't give a damn, and there is never going to be no flam-alam, we handle things. Business is handled on point as Marley and Poetic was busy doing. I searched the room with my precision optimized extra radar and found her again. That super fine lady I saw earlier, now sitting down not too far from me. I strolled in closer and watched her every move, she had style and class I could tell by the way she swayed just right to the beat. With an outfit on that shook the very soul of the fashion industry. She was all that and a bag of chips I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I tried my best to make eye contact with her but it was too crowded for that, so I just rolled over stepped up boldly and asked her to dance with me.

"No thank you maybe later it's still early yet."

"Alright I can accept that, by the way what is your name?" This Amazon incredibly proportion girl unfair to the rest of the world had the nerve to shift around towards me. Look me right in my face and say. "Ellen, Ellen Watson"

Just then our conversation got cut short as another woman stepped up and said something to her. They must have came together I figured, as sure enough, Ellen waved me off and they walked away. I watched in a trance looking at her body activate the room. Ellen stood about 5'8 with a frown type look on her face. She appeared to be frowning all the time, but that was her look it was so different and sexy. Ellen was a pure redbone she didn't even need lipstick for her lips to be ruby red. She wore her hair in neat long braids. Her eyes could capture the sun but her body was the best I'd ever seen. Some people are just blessed by God that way and Ellen was one of those people. One of those female's that women often hated, because of her exceptional design. You could sit a drink on her behind while she was standing up straight and not spill a drop. I tell you banging body parts were all over this woman. Her legs looked thick a strong like she just ran the Triathlon weekly. Her waist was thin and she sported nice round C cups. Her feet were so perfectly outstanding I would have sucked those toes in public to be with her. It took every ounce of control I possessed not to chase after her as she disappeared into the distance. I went back to the bar sipped some more with Poetic and Marley. I ended up chatting with some honey trying to get free drinks, a ghetto fabulous chic begging. We had fun telling jokes and people watching - then I headed for the Deejay booth.

"What up man how are you tonight." I said to one of the gentlemen inside the large booth.

"I'm good brother but you can't come into the booth, no one is allowed in here except Deejays."

"Ok well I'm up next my name is Sebastian." The guy playing music jumped in the conversation, 'at once.'

"Oh yo', my bad we didn't recognize you man, I met you once back at the China Club. You are incredible man, real good son. I know you going to kill it tonight."

"Thank you, you doing your thing yourself there kid." He smiled a big wide grin as he moved some things around to make me the room I needed.

"Yeah whatever man I know when I'm out of my league, Sebastian Bashing Sounds is in the house about to get busy."

He was pretty much terrible on the wheels of steel, but I gave him some praise anyway, just to stay humble. I hit the set and started out with the rowdy current Hip-Hop. Blazing up mixes too precision that drove the crowd of two thousand into a rage of screams. A half hour later it sounded like the Super bowl the noise level was so loud, five thousand screams create plenty of noise. That's when I switched gears on them and dropped in all the old school favorites. I sliced up The Mary Jane Girls 'All night long,' then hit them with Chic, 'Good, good, good, good times,' and I didn't let them breathe at all. It was about 12:30 am when I cut in 'Dance to the drummers beat.' They were break dancing like it was a cash contest. I remember the musical journey I took them on, it won much approval that night and the sharks were surrounding the Deejay booth. Women coming over from everywhere to get an up close look at who - was blazing the music up so sweet. Michael Jackson's, 'Billy Jean' steady blaring through the speakers, and then I played all his big hits right behind each other, all of them. My microphone skill was steady talking to them, making them sing along. When I turned the music off on the popular parts of the song, thousands of voices filled in the words. After the MJ set I rocked an instrumental and did some shout outs.

"Big shouts to my family up in here Poetic and Marley you know doing it up player style. I gotta give a shout out to all the sexy ladies in the Roxy tonight." The screams drowned out the microphone and all the Roxy's expensive speakers when I mentioned the ladies, no doubt.

"Oh yeah, and a special shout out to super sexy Ellen Watson in the house, I got a record I am about to play just for you, baby check it." That's when I destroyed the place with Cindy Lauper's 'Girls just want to have fun.' That power move blew the ruff off the place and from there on I cruised into some Chicago House music, Alus 'Follow me' and all the hot top up tempo songs. It was about 2am when I came in with the wickedest Reggae set ever heard. Songs by Sanchez, Beres Hammond, Buju and Bob Marley, lady saw, Bounty Killer, Mr. Vegas etc, etc the people went bananas. I looked up and to my surprise saw Ellen standing near the Deejay booth smiling with her frown looking face. She raised a glass to me and we toasted from our positions. The Club promoter asked me if I was available for next Saturday and we made a deal on it. I finished up at 3:30 turning it back over to the resident jock. I found a cushion seat and sat down to rest a bit, smoking a cigarette. That's when I felt a tap on my shoulder,

"Well hello there Mr. Sebash the place." It was Ellen sitting down right next to me, sexy as ever.

"It's just Sebastian for you Ellen; I hope you are having a nice time."

"Yes I'd say I am, you are very talented indeed and I would have never known it was you if you hadn't shouted me out, thank you." I now had a clear look at her as we sat together; I was as impressed as ever Ellen was flawless down to the last detail.

"It was nothing special I was a little off today, not my best." She crossed her legs and arms.

"Yeah right, you are the best I ever heard not that I go out much, I work a lot of hours at the hospital."

"The hospital, oh I see, what are you a kind hearted nurse?"

"No actually, I am a Doctor."

"A Doctor you no way you look more like a model not a Doctor."

"Well I am a Doctor not a model, I wish I looked that good."

"What are you kidding me, you do, you are the most beautiful woman here tonight trust me - hands down you win."
"Sure, sure, I bet you say that to all the girls." She turned and looked around a bit enjoying the nice surroundings.

"No I make it a rule not to date woman from any Clubs, they are not interested in me as Sebastian, but rather my talent and stage personality. So I don't generally talk to woman in Clubs, but there is just something about you, you are rare all the way, simply one in a million."

"One in a million, if you say so, now I have heard it all, I know one thing, Sebastian got game and it's not going to work on me. You are probably are the biggest dog this side of Texas. I do on the other hand like your playing style, you can let me know where I can hear you again and I will come out sometimes. Maybe I can help you chase off all your groupies."

"I wish I had some groupies but I don't, all I require is your presence. It's elementary my dear, Dr. Watson."

"Ha, ha very funny I like a man with a sense of humor."

"Well just call me Martin Lawrence then baby, let's stay in touch."

"Sure Sebastian why not, but only as friends I have a boyfriend can you respect that?"

"Sorry to hear that, but I will settle for friends with you I might learn something about medicine who knows? I have nice summer boat ride in a few weeks if you want to go?"

"Oh yeah that sounds good, but I'm bringing my man with me." Ellen handed me a card and sure enough she was a Doctor at a well known Brooklyn Hospital.

"Ok no problem I will call you with the ticket information."

"Good nice to meet you Sebastian - my friend, it is getting late, let me go." Dr. Watson shook my hand and walked away like the goddess she was. Shortly after, we left the Club as well. I didn't mind playing the friend game because I knew if you stayed a woman's friend long enough sooner or later you could sleep with her. I usually didn't do it this way, I felt like that was for guys preying on the specific time when a woman was most vulnerable, waiting on a chance. Tonight I knew how they felt because I sure was going to wait out Ellen Watson, and man did I wait. I remember I waited a long two years before I got her alone. Poetic and Marley couldn't believe they missed her fine ass up in the Club they talked about it the whole ride home.

"Man Sebastian you be on some real slick sh--, honey was a star you see that chic Marley?" Poetic was very excited in his statement about Ellen.

"How could I miss her man shorty was looking right son a true winner." Poetic came back with even more hype about her looks.

"I mean - but did you see her, really see her? Man oh man she was finer than any lady I could even make up in my mind. If I could build a woman from scratch I couldn't do any better, you came off Sebastian. Make sure you score with this one"

They went on and on with it, and they were right. I got home to Susan and gave her the business real good, she was in luck that early morning I was extra horny. The next three weeks I hung tight with Susan like I said I would. Movies, malls and dinner dates. We sexed like wild animals my back and legs were exhausted. Most of the time I felt like I just played ten full court basketball games against the Lakers guarding Coby Bryant all night, what a workout. She was a vixen sucking me dry and I loved every second of it. We were at it one night for eight hours, the sun came up and we were still grinding and banging the springs off the bed. Yeah, I would miss sex with Susan if nothing else I knew that I knew for a fact. The night before Susan left for school in Utah we spoke about her leaving.

"You need me to drive you baby to LaGuardia airport?"

"No thanks my parents are taking me they naturally want to see me off."

"Alright sounds good I will see you again soon."

"Yes after I finish school we can get married and have lots of kids."

"We will have to see about all that, one thing at a time baby concentrate on school for now."

"Oh yes you know how hard I had to work to get accepted. My GPA at Jr. College had to be minimum 3.9 and only 44 students a year get accepted. I am very fortunate to make it. I praise The Lord for the blessing."

"Yes praise him you going to do just fine there, I feel it." Susan left early that night we hugged for a very long time. She had tears in her eyes and we planned for me to visit her after the first semester. The day after she left, I called Dr. Watson and she had me reserve her two tickets for the boat ride.

That weekend I threw a big party at my house to celebrate. The party lasted for two days with wine women and wild sex. I was so happy I slept with some half ugly girl with a bum leg. Hey man listen I didn't care, freedom felt good, but little did I know, 'freedom isn't free.' This is a lesson in life I learned the hard way. After everybody left the party I rested up falling into deep sleep. I slept for a good minute, until I heard my bell ringing like crazy. I opened the door up and couldn't fu--in believe it. Susan, yeah Susan the Gypsy was standing there with her eyes blinking.

You laughing out loud, well I sure as hell wasn't I had a lost look on my face. She told me some lame story about how she didn't like it in Utah, they were all raciest she went on to tell me, and this and that was all the reasons why she transferred to a New York School instead. Can you believe it, two days, just two days of freedom? Wow, even now until this day I don't know what the truth of it all is. I didn't care then and still don't care now. I knew that Susan had to go she was like gum on my shoe. I used the old school make you not want me trick to get rid of her, some of her own medicine. I came over her house all the time now, unannounced, dirty and stinking. I stopped brushing my teeth around her and ate a lot of garlic and even drooled on her a few times. I became bad in bed and faked quick thirty second orgasms. After a while she didn't want me anymore-nice trick huh, yes and it worked like a charm. I would've loved to keep Susan but she was way too possessive for me. Two weeks after she thought she dumped me I saw her in the Roosevelt Field Mall walking hand in hand all lubby love dubby with some guy. I said to myself, 'ha, a woman's word means nothing.' Why is it when a woman is in love she thinks she will never love again, then turns around and quickly starts with another guy why? Dangerous creatures I tell you, dangerous. I kept walking like I didn't even see them as they kissed signatures of new love. I wonder if he met her on the phone on some wrong number coincidence, poor guy. But I was finally free and yes it cost me plenty. Goodbye Susan the Gypsy, its curtains.....

**Chapter 8 Dr. Ellen Watson**

John 2:17 When Jesus heard this he said to them, "Those who are well have no need for a physician, but those who are sick do. I did not come to call the righteous, but the sinners, to repentance."

The boat ride aboard the famous Spirit of New York was off the chain. I was in rare form that night, killing the turntables like a ninja assassin. Dr. Watson showed up with her cornball boyfriend, he had on earth shoes with khaki pants. I was suited down with a bvlgari seven fold tie on, summer white custom fine silk with the hottest pair of snake skin sandals in history. She smiled and danced like she really loved this square guy. Every man on the boat stared at her as much as they could without being too obvious, and a few were real obvious. Ellen is just a fine black woman who stands out among a crowd with ease, and I do mean ease. I went up to the top deck for a break while my man Deejay Stylz handled the Soca and Reggae set. I took in the sites of the water and island of Manhattan as we sailed the night away. Dr. Watson walked up to me alone and we talked for a minute, she told me, "Sebastian this was a real nice boat ride and the food was excellent. It's not often you get such good food on a boat ride I am very impressed."

"Well I'm glad that you came, I hope your boyfriend enjoyed it as well."

"Yes he had a real nice time he doesn't get out much."

"Well I can see that, How did you wind up with a guy like him anyway?"

"What do you mean a guy like him? Ha, ha funny, just because he hasn't got your flair or style, but he's nice to me."

"He better be you are well worth it."

"Thank you, keep in touch alright."

"Ok I will let you know what's going on from time to time."

Dr. Watson's boyfriend was an Anesthesiologist, that's explains it she sold her fine self to the highest bidder. Money, money, money, she was high maintenance. Six months past by we kept in touch alright because I called the Hospital off and on. She still wasn't trying to get together with me alone. I had plenty of unimportant women I fooled around with, so it was no real big deal, but I wanted one chance with Ellen alone. Dr. Watson called me out the blue one day and asked me if I was playing anywhere that upcoming Saturday night, she said she needed to get out and have fun. Glad to hear from her for I change I told her when and where.

"Yes baby girl I'm rocking at The Honey Trap this Saturday come down, I'll put your name on the list. Biggie Smalls is performing, it's going be hot."

"Good, add me plus one please.

"What, you plus one, oh for you and your big time Doctor Anesthesiologist boyfriend again?"

"No he won't ever go to a Club silly, just put down two." I did just that and that night was packed inside wall to wall, with me rocking the spot as usual. It was getting close to Showtime when a security guard came to the booth to speak to me.

"Yo', yo', Sebastian you got guests at the front door, ahhhh, Dr. Watson somebody.

"Yeah well let her in, she's on the guest list"

"Well, it's not just her she has a real big dude with her, do you know him as well?"

"No, but I put down her plus one whatever, let them in they with me."

"Ok just checking to make sure we don't want any trouble tonight and Sebastian this dude is big." I was confused, the security guard telling me this stood over 6ft 6 – 320pds of muscle.

"No beef she's cool and whoever she brought is cool let them in man, do I sit there and question your guest on the list."

When I saw Dr. Watson walking in the room she looked soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo \- fine, stunning in her stylish dress. Behind her I now saw what security that night was concerned about, she had a giant with her. Man he was big, he stood about 6'11 weighing over 400pds, Japanese looking like a sumo wrestler. His back was so wide he couldn't have fit in nothing less than a bus. I wondered how they traveled, he was too large for a SUV, Shaq would move out this guy's way. We spoke greetings and she told me his name was Little man. Yeah right, if he was Little man then I was nonexistent. He seemed nice enough as he swallowed my arm with an earthquake handshake. Little man hit the bar and the women swarmed his big ass as he ordered up the bottles. Ellen said to me.

"I like to travel with him for safety."

"Well I guess so; nobody is trying anything as long as you bring that monster with you. He had the entire security nervous."

"I know they wouldn't let us in, but he is nice he's a nurse at my job."

"I hear you, hey the shows about to start hold tight I have to announce the headline right quick."

Biggie also known as Big Poppa came out and did his thing rocking the house with hot lyrics. We all took some flicks later on in the night. I specifically remember my back up Deejay - Julius, as in Julius Iscariot was - hating on me big time. He was a major player hater anyway. Deejay Stylz wasn't available that night so I was stuck with this clown, Julius. This guy swore every woman should pick him over any man. He figured his good day job and wavy hair would always do it. I usually ignored his ignorant small brained ass, and this night was no different. When I let him take over after the MC show, I got my first chance to touch Ellen, finally up close; I danced with Dr. Watson for the first time. And this chump, Julius Iscariot the pure player hater that he was did everything possible to try and spoil my groove. Skipping records and talking reckless with evil obvious comments and the whole nine. The only thing left he could've done was turn on the lights. I enjoyed my moment with her regardless, I recall the passionate scent she smelled so delicious. Dr. Watson left right before closing time and everyman in the joint gave me my props. The security the patrons and even Biggie himself, he was like;

"Yo' player who was that, Biggie smalls is the illest but you got the realest, damn she fine playboy." He put his hand out and gave me some dap with his smooth self, we smiled at one another for a second.

"Cut it out Biggie, I know you got many fine young tenders, you and P. Diddy over here." We all laughed and took some flicks together. Yeah, I was the man that night, after she was gone woman flocked over to meet me. Some ladies slapping me on the butt and others stuffing their phone numbers in my pocket, I guess they wanted to know what I had so good. The combination of Dr. Watson's fine ass and that big huge so called Little man put me on top that night, even the Doctor herself seemed more into me after that. A week later she agreed to get together for lunch at infamous Junior's restaurant in downtown Brooklyn. We did, and man let me tell you it was only lunch nothing more, she was very resistant to my advances. I tried, you know I did but settled for meeting her for lunch every now and then. I became comfortable with being her friend and respected the fact she respected her boyfriend who she strangely enough never talked about much. It was like he was a secret. I knew Dr. Watson for almost two years, in that time I was pretty much single until I met Ashley, yeah, Ashley the angel. I was ordering a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts when she walked in behind me. The line attendant took so long we got to talking, "These people are slow in here I tell you."

"Yes they are but you have to be patient in life sir."

"Sir well excuse me Madam, I'm no sir the names Sebastian." She laughed and told me her name was Ashley and that she only called me sir out of respect. I liked her disposition right away, she had angels around her you could feel them in her spirit. Upon walking out she made the next move which surprised me in this setting. I mean it wasn't the Club and she sure wasn't the Club going type so I was at the disadvantage.

"Well sir or Sebastian before you leave would you like my number, maybe we could go out sometime when I'm new in New York?"

"Umm, ok that sounds great let's do that."

That's how we hooked up nothing fancy about it. For the first time in my life I got a plain Jane girl. Yes Ashley, she was cute and sexy not super fine or anything but cute with big breast and a nice overall body. She was a very conservative college girl with goals in life. She was from upstate New York by way of Saint Thomas and very sweet and innocent about life. Her experience was limited which somehow intrigued me. All in all a beautiful catch from God a solid 8 1/2 with the personality that equaled a 10, you feel me. She was no music groupie and could care less about my fame in the business, this was a nice change of pace we started dating regularly. I still stayed in touch with the good Doctor and we did hook up one night, yeah the night after I played that strip show in Queens. On a whim knowing Dr. Watson lived somewhere close by I called her after the show. Strip shows usually end early it was about 11pm.

"Hello there I was around your way just took a chance and called to see how you were doing."

"Around my way, where? You don't know where I live Sebastian."

"I know but you told me you live in Queens right? I just left from Deejaying at this strip show over here on Queens Blvd."

"A strip show and you didn't tell me about it."

"It was an all girl strip show you wouldn't want to go to that."

"Oh no not me I am strictly into men, but you poor boy you must be all hot and bothered huh? All those sexy women throwing it in your face, meanwhile all you could do was keep playing records."

"Yeah, yeah rub it in why don't you."

"Well I know your horny is that why you called me, you want me to scratch that itch for you boy?" She was in a very seductive mood. This was rare I jumped at the opportunity.

"Hell yes, scratch it for me baby anytime, what you up to anyway?"

"Ah just packing I have a boring Doctors Convention in Baltimore tomorrow I'm driving down in the morning."

"Oh, you and you're boyfriend huh?"

"No just me silly, he's out of town for a week; hey where are, just come over and we can talk?"

"Say no more I'm on Queens Blvd by the Grand Central."

"Well I live not far from there Woodhaven Blvd 1365."

"I'll be right there in ten minutes."

"I'm waiting but don't make me wait too long mister."

She said that in a whisper so seductive I knew tonight that all my persistence was about to pay off, patience, my dear Watson. I arrived in no time to this plush neighborhood all English Tudors. The specially crafted wood in her living room had me in a trance as she gave me the grand tour. Her degrees and certificates laced the walls she fixed me some coffee prancing around in her sexy short cut terry cloth designer robe. Toying and sexually enticing me with unmistakable signals and seductive female gestures. Like standing on a toe here or there after taking her pretty feet out of her Mickey Mouse slippers, and leaning forward to protrude that big ass out of the back of the terry cloth material. Also purring softly like a kitten at any given little thing I said. After we had coffee and all her teasing she moved with a sway to the bedroom looking back at me over her shoulders in a very nasty way. I swiftly followed as she pretended to continue her packing for the trip. I sat in a nice lazy boy chair across from the bed while the surface talk continued. I was there in her incredible presence waiting for the right moment and not wanting to blow it, barely breathing as I let her lure me in. Let her lead the way to what I knew she and I both wanted. Finally she went to the closet next to me and bent all the way over. It was just enough for her short robe to rise up to the butt cheeks. She whispered how those strippers got her poor baby hot and bothered teasing me while I saw she had on no panties. I thought to myself she's ready. Faking like she couldn't find a shoe I sprang into action, I stuck my tongue right in her honey bucket to no resistance.

"Stop what are you doing Sebastian? I thought you respected me stop." Then her weak ploys turned to moans, deep moans that told me that I better not stop. She was wet and ready, I generally don't eat much pus-- but when I do well, hey I handle my business. I licked her into four screaming orgasms about thirty minutes with her head still in that closet. Yeah, find the shoe baby, keep looking.

When she emerged she was pouring with sweat all over. First our eyes met with lust then our lips locked and she tasted her own sweet juices, this seemed to really drive her crazy. She was an animal stripping me down in seconds and grabbing my manhood like it was a Weapon of Mass Destruction. I was like 'This chic was a freak the entire time, damn you never know.' I told her to wait.

"Slow down baby I have been waiting for this a long time and I plan to enjoy it, so get on the bed and spread them cheeks girl." She laid it all down mesmerized in the heat of passion. Her legs behind her neck she then took her hands and spread those beautiful cheeks for me. All I saw was Heaven right in front of me. I smashed that ass with force for three hours in various wild positions, and yes it was even better than I thought it would be. I felt her body throw shaking spasm orgasms five more times. She screamed, moaned, cried and kissed me all over, then sucked me dry with skillful perfection. I left her place with a big kool-aid smile, driving home could still smell her sweet essence on my hand. I felt like the man for sure what a catch and I know I represented well, any man would be proud of me. I did the damn thing, and did it properly! Dr. Watson was out of town for a week and a few days after she got back I still hadn't heard from her. I called her one night and what, can you believe it. She acted like nothing ever happened between us. She was cold as ice and smooth as butter at the same time. She avoided even referring to our encounter, swiftly moving around the subject with expert skill. 'Man, I was a one-night stand, what!' I know I tore that ass up what's the deal? I felt used and didn't hear from Dr. Watson for a long time, when I did she told me she was getting married. Well you know what they say 'sometimes you go to eat pus-- and pus-- eats you.' Lessons learned for real, and just to think I was really feeling her ass. My manhood got tested real good. I had to charge it to the game and man up on this one.

Dr. Watson was chasing money, big money she had no feelings for a star Deejay like me, to her that was small change. When you look so fine that every Brain Surgeon in the world would leave his wife for you, I guess you use that to your advantage. She was a first class professional, hoefessional gold digger bit-- with a Doctors degree. Last time we spoke she had just moved to Detroit and opened a private practice with her boyfriend. She did call to give me the number at least, well its all-good, life goes on. If I am ever in Detroit I will call to see about a rendezvous with Dr. Ellen Watson, tapping into her honey well much harder and nastier then the first time.

I was well into seeing Ashley by now anyway. You know Ashley was everything a good man should ever need in a woman, besides a few minor things. Like cooking and cleaning. She did do these things just not necessarily right or often enough. It may seem small but this was a big deal to me at the time. I began to think of the events that happened between us when once again I was grabbed back to my current sad reality with Annette's yapping mouth.

"Sebastian this is some wack ass crack, you want a hit? You know your man is bullsh-- for real." Riding in the car again some weeks later we were somewhere in Wyandanch Long Island.

"No Annette I don't smoke crack and for the life of me can't figure why you do, you need to go to rehab sister." She started singing the Amy Winehouse single,

'They try to make me go to rehab, but I said, no, no, no.' If I am so bad why are you around me mother fuck--, you ani't no better?"

"Ok you want to know why because your dumb ass has the transportation and the money I need right now, So shut the fu-- up and smoke your sh-- I'm trying to think over here."

"Yeah, you always trying to think, well think about us getting married Sebastian I need a husband player, not a boyfriend." Annette was lighting her pipe again, sucking in the eventual death sentence. The smoke filled the car as she exhaled a puff that almost made me crash.

"No you need a rehab and some good common sense you stupid bit--. You smoke more than a broken stove, you are a crack head. I can't believe you came to New York to be a crack head. You should be ashamed of yourself, because I know you are a shame to your Mother and Father. In fact if I was your Father I would disown you're no good ass."

"Well good thing you are not Sebastian, anyway all you are to me is some good ass dic- and a pain in my rear most of all so fu-- you I need another hit." I leaned over towards her now.

"You know what bit-- I'm sick of your mouth, you want a hit here take this you loud mouth."

I slapped the shi- out of Annette with a backhand. Her crack pipe flew out the open window during the commotion. This crazy broad opened the door and jumped out after it. The 300M was moving about thirty miles an hour at the time on a residential block. I hit the car breaks, 'at once,' and pulled over to a screeching halt. Getting out and walking back to her, I was furious.

"You stupid ass crazy crack head you could've gotten killed jumping out like that what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You made me drop my sh-- Sebastian you asshole, plus you busted my lip, look I'm bleeding." She had a small cut on her mouth.

"Get your ass back in the car Annette before I really give you something to cry about. You the type of woman that's ends up dead on the side of the road, and not by accident either. You just don't know when to quit." Standing to her feet somewhat wobbly she charged at me.

"Fu-- you Sebastian I need another pipe I can't find this one, help me look for it?"

"Didn't I say get in the car, you want the cops to come find you're based out ass searching this here street for a crack pipe? Get in the car now!"

"No I don't have to listen to you, it's my car anyway I will make your ass walk Sebas-." Boom, I popped her with a left hook before she could finish. Annette hit the ground hard. I picked her up and threw her in the car then drove off with her crying hysterically. I gave her another rock and an old pipe from beneath the seat. She shut up and didn't say a word for miles just looking at the drugs. I knew deep down Annette wanted to get clean, but the drugs had her going. New York had proved to be too much for her. After a while I pulled in a gas station somewhere between Wyandanch and Amityville Long Island to fill up, she went to the bathroom to take a look at her face. When she came back it was more drama, Annette was the world's biggest drama queen.

"Well I don't know where we are Sebastian but you better get to walking to Amityville because the gas station man was nice enough to call the cops for me. You are kidnapping me against my will and I want my car keys mother fu--r."

"There you go with this same sh-- you want me to walk home while you go smoke crack and suck di--, is that it?"

"Whatever Sebastian, yeah you know that's it so what if it is, no one would ever believe you anyway. I got a day job I work, so to the world I ani't no crack head. I just like to get high sometimes that's all. You act like you never tried it before sh-- you are the one who turned me on to it."

"Yeah, tried is the key word sister you don't see me running around screwing strangers for no hit, hell I don't even base. I smoked a few laced cigarettes with raw but you took it to another level, your ass is hooked." Standing outside the car we were loud and making a scene.

"I got news for you working or not you're a crack head and you need some help."

"Well, tell it to the police and let's see who they believe because it's my car Sebastian, give me my keys or go to jail you bastard. I am tired of you whipping my ass all the time."

"And I'm tired of you smoking and lying and cheating all the time. Take your keys you no good tramp don't call me or ever come back either."

"Fu-- you Sebastian."

Annette screamed not so nice things as she pulled off from gas station. When she was that high I couldn't afford to call her bluff she was crazy and I didn't need to get arrested for no nonsense. Plus her car was on the list for repossession anyway, the crack had her not paying bills properly. It was all just a matter of time. I strung Annette out because I knew she was a no good backstabbing slut. And I stuck around just to watch her down fall, this was very cruel I do admit, but believe me she deserved every bit of it.

As I started walking home the remaining five miles in the cold with no coat on, I felt like I would freeze to death before I got there. I cursed that woman something terrible and hoped she crashed up her prize possession vehicle. Actually I was her prize possession, capable of everything but - leaving her and the insanity I had become addicted too. I had to keep warm so I walked fast. Swift movements like in a walkathon seemed to help the situation. Then I went back to thinking about Ashley the Angel. We were certainly getting serious after Ellen – oh, I almost forgot, good bye Dr. Watson, its curtains.

**Chapter 9 Ashley the Angel**

Zechariah 5: 5 Then the angel who talked with me came out and said to me. "Lift your eyes now, and see what this is that goes forth."

I got back to my thoughts and I know one thing for a fact I should have married Ashley that's for sure. We really got into each other deeply. We spoke of all our future plans concerning money, children, marriage, love and success. We both had savings in 1996 and for some reason or another decided to build a five bedroom house in Elmont, a big ass mother daughter with a finished basement and all. Things were going good we both worked saved and had similar goals in life. It appeared to be a very good match. We rented out the bottom half of the house and for a time, it was fairly easy to make ends meet. Hey but tenants can be a pain in the ass, we learned that real quick. A few kinks came up here and there, but we handled our business. At night when I sat in my Jacuzzi in the master bathroom after a long draining day, I felt it was all worth it. I had a good girl honest plain and simple. This was a big relief from all the commotion that comes with being the man all the time. Stress is often the number one killer, and with Ashley, there was no stress thank God. Now I could just be me, with a nice simple woman. Not for nothing, Ashley was no seven or eight don't get it twisted, she was a solid nine over all when I think about it. Hell yeah, she was built nice, big tits and a big ass to go along with it. So no doubt there were a lot of jealous men looking to fill my shoes but I was handling my business buddy, believe that.

Ashley was going to school for business and working as a private care assistant. I was spinning records everywhere at all types of establishments. Also I worked at a furniture company part time for this old man named Randy Johnson. He was very rich and had him a few young ass ladies, and I do mean young. His motto was, 'never say I love you and when you're with them treat them like they are the only one in the world. Then last but not least promise them nothing.' good advice the old white guy gave, ha, yes good indeed. His old school seventy plus ass was still gaming chics like it was nothing, while living in Garden City next to the stars. I should have listened to his advice and followed his instructions to the letter, I would be rich today. Ashley wanted that family life and I had already said I love you and moved her in. Or one would say, we moved in together, house and mortgage. Sure enough Ashley started talking marriage which wasn't so bad but we hadn't finished accomplishing our goals yet. We were supposed to cop another two houses and flip them over after renting for a time period. Then we could build a dream house and plan out our marriage, or whatever. Man look, I can tell you this, even a good woman and Ashley is a good woman. The best out the lot I would say, yes. But even a good woman cannot stick to the plan. Is that some woman default programming or what?

A man has to operate alone, the rules of pimping always apply good woman or not. I learned in my life a woman's goal is to get married, a man's goal is to get rich. The two clash along the way without a doubt, every single time. A woman will tell you, 'I don't care about money,' but if your ass goes broke they all of a sudden catch a sure case of, 'I don't love you no more.' So Sh-- kid, stick to the script, money over women, no fu-- that lets keep it real, money over bit--s; stick to the script. Get rich first and don't let them distract you. Two years past by and sweet innocent Ashley became bitter, after I failed to set an exact marriage date. Damn I knew it was all too good to be true. To make things worse, she got pregnant. Of all the freaking bad luck in the world, I couldn't win for losing. I was just starting to live my life, enjoying some success. We argued on a regular basis, she wanted to have the baby and I wasn't ready to be a father. Soon after I started feeling lonely, depressed, left out and betrayed. Man looking back, I now know the human mind in extremely complicated. There I was feeling betrayed and she never did a thing. She just wanted what all women want, everything they can get, the whole enchilada. Yet I felt lonely and began cheating.

Here we were in a big brand new house doing well and the problem was capture, yes it always about capture. She wanted my balls in a sling and I wanted more time. There were a few unimportant cheating moments and relationships. But one I remember clearly was Kenya from Africa. She lived uptown and we had a regular rendezvous at the Shark Bar in Harlem every Wednesday night. She was a sweet chocolate thing built for sex. Her face was dark and pretty with a scar that told a story of hard times. Her eyes and make up always matched, and her body by most African standards was ok not great but still better than most American woman. Kenya liked it hard rough and long, she wanted me to choke her and call her names during sex. This got her off real good; sometimes I would tie her up and drop hot candle wax on her nipples until she screamed. I would also spank her ass with a paddle and all that freaky stuff.

Kenya loved it all; see her old man wouldn't do any of that for her. He was an old school hustler. The rumor on the streets was he had long money from way back. His fifty year old ass didn't know what to do with a fine young tender like Kenya. At twenty three she was ready to roll all the time. She was born and raised in West Africa and like most Africans claimed that better than American more morals bullsh-- while still living in our country. Her entire family consisted of money greedy gold diggers. I didn't care I had dated some African woman in the past. They were all the same, nothing special. If she was so esthetically correct why was she cheating with me getting chocked and having wild orgasms behind it. She couldn't leave his money and couldn't resist my sausage. Same chic, different face, like I said, 'nothing special.' All in all she was a another girl lost, but like most half decent woman she would cook clean and rub you down when you needed it. I mean it's not like she was a total hoe, Kenya was cool for the moment. Kenya fell in love quick cause I was more than willing to supply the sex she needed. Sex with Ashley was good but not crazy or freaky. Ashley was innocent a straight missionary position girl who hated doggy style, oral sex and all that. Kenya was a wild free spirit who did the damn thing. The freak of the week you could say oh yes and she polished a mean helmet, catch my drift. For me it was nothing but some good extra sex with a nice little cutie. Kenya often spoke of us getting together, leaving our significant others and all that. I never took her serious, I mean hey you cheating on him so you will cheat on me, right? Look who is talking, 'me,' I was no different, I was cheating, and I had a good woman at home.

After seeing Kenya for a few months, I couldn't reach her by phone for hours. But I went to meet her at the usual place. She was a no show, I waited and waited after thirty minutes past I knew something was wrong. Something must have happened Kenya was always on point always on time. I drove to her hood to inspect the area. I remember sitting at the light on one hundred thirty Fifth Street, it seemed to take forever to change. Finally it did I swung the left and bam; there were police cars emergency vehicles and fire trucks everywhere. I rolled down the window and asked some people standing around what happened here. They told me some crazy old man killed his young girlfriend. He hung her from the roof by her neck with an extension cord. While she was choking to death he dosed her with gasoline then set her on fire. I asked them did they know her identity. That's when I was told, 'Kenya Zoni.' My heart stopped beating for a minute as a police officer flagged me to move on. I pulled off dazed and thought to myself, 'she must have gotten busted. Dude must have somehow found out. Maybe I left to many marks on her or something.' Man look I didn't love Kenya but I had love for her, you feel me! I also knew that she would die first before saying my business, or my name. I was pissed off for real and hurting for her.

I went home and faced my reality, Ashley was still pregnant and all that. Two days later, me and a few of my boys slipped into the wake for Kenya. Man she was so badly burned it was a closed casket. I stood in front of her coffin for five minutes praying. When I turned to walk away I was faced with her old man's brother.

"You the man she was cheating with right? It's because of you my brother John is in jail." A name was all I needed I smiled and told him;

"Naw, wrong guy buddy I just knew Kenya from school. Now if you will excuse me I have so other business to attend to."

I don't know if he believed me but he moved out my way, smart man. I left with my crew and made the necessary arrangements. It cost me five grand to get at this John cat, he had money and protection. In jail a lesson to a man with money doesn't come cheap but Kenya was worth it, she didn't deserve to die like that. John, I later heard died from food poisoning a few months later, they say he threw up his guts before passing on. A real painful death, well he had it coming to him. By now I was sleeping on the couch at home, Ashley came to me one night. We snuggled up real close and talked about a few things.

"Sebastian, I love you and I want us to be happy, if you are not ready for a child I will get the abortion."

I took her to the clinic the next day sat down with her, filled out the papers and was told to come back in four hours. It was the longest four hours of my life. Driving around endlessly I bit every nail I had to the nub wondering if I was doing the right thing. Oh well it was too late now I figured, as I stepped back in the clinic. They told me she was gone, she left three hours before I got there. The operation was too risky because she was five months in. I rushed home and told Ashley we were keeping the baby and to stop crying. She cried some more for hours and hours in my arms. Life went back to normal with Ashley's stomach growing a new life inside. We began to have house problems around her eight month of pregnancy. She was no longer able to work due to the fact that Ashley carried very heavy. She had gained an incredible sixty five pounds already. So with my food bill up a few hundred a month and with her not working what do you think happens next? You guessed it, my tenant stop paying rent. Man that was a solid nine hundred a month right there.

Plus I forgot to mention a year back my next door neighbor's son tripped on my hose while running in my yard, yeah my yard, he cut his hand ever so slightly. I paid the whole seventy five gigantic dollars for his medical bill so you know he wasn't hurt. Nevertheless, in New York you have two years to sue on injury and this money greedy vampire sued my home owners insurance. My insurance went sky high to add on top of all else I was dealing with. And then, no way you won't believe this, they my neighbors that sued me hit the lottery for six million the greedy asses. All this pressure plus the fact that Ashley's father was getting old and sick brought us to the decision to sell the house, she wanted to move back upstate to help her father along in his last days. Ashley also felt New York was not the ideal place to raise a child. Well I was certainly not in agreement and had no plans of moving upstate in my prime years. So we knew the end for us was coming soon. The house went on the market the day that Ashley went into labor. The wait at the hospital was forever and she was in a lot of pain. After six hours her water broke and we gave birth to a son, ten pounds two ounces, Joshua. We raised our son together for nine months with all the typical joy of new parents. Then the house was sold and the dreaded day of separation came into play. I knew deep down inside I would be in pain about letting her go, but what was I supposed to do force her to stay in Long Island New York. A place she had developed a bad taste for. Ashley was never happy in Long Island and quite often expressed it. I helped her pack the rental truck and gave her anything she wanted with no arguments from me.

Then I drove the truck there making the trip for the first time, but hardly my last. In the years to come I would travel there twice a month if not more, in order to insure my bond with my son and fulfill my fatherly obligations. Man Sebastian that was a lot of traveling not to mention when Joshua came to New York to see me. I may not ever win the best man award, but I know I was a candidate for best father at least I was back at that time. Ashley was a gem, man wow if I could turn back the hands of time, and knew back then what I know now. I would have probably married her and moved to Japan if necessary. The key word is probably, of course. Life is so funny man because soon to come, 'Hell's kitchen' was on the way, who knew! I had a son, a new apartment and a fly ride plus a booming career. The Deejay thing was starting to really pay off big and I was only twenty six years old. Another year of partying hard took place then I met Lisa yeah, Lisa Love. Goodbye Ashley the Angel, why I don't know, but its curtains baby, its curtains.

**Chapter 10 Lisa Love**

Corinthians 13: –4 – 8: Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited nor proud. Love is not ill mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep A record of wrongs. Love is not happy with lies or evil but is happy with the Truth. Love never gives up. And its faith hope and patience never fail.

A few months before my twenty seventh birthday, I went out to party with a friend, my man Carlos from Mexico. Carlos reminded me of George Lopez, he had that look. He had been trying to get me to come to his little Havana Club for months. I kept avoiding going because it was way out east in the Hampton's. He finally talked me into it and off I went, driving alone giving myself time to think. I loved the tree line view on the Long Island Expressway. No matter how many times you see something so beautiful it's still like seeing it for the first time. The pretty colors of spring danced to the tune of the light breeze that was blowing. The ride took forever but as soon as I pulled in the parking lot I realized it was well worth every minute. The small shack of a building appeared to not be capable of accommodating the swarm of people on the line outside. The crowd was mature, and well behaved. The Havana Club I quickly noticed was a happening spot. I couldn't believe the selection of Spanish flavored honeys dressed to kill waiting to get in.

I parked quickly and opened my glove compartment and splashed on some exotic oil. I then stepped up to the front of the line and told the doorman, 'Bashing Sounds is here.' He removed the rope and slapped me five and called a hostess to show me inside. No lines for stars that's just one of the rules. She introduced herself as Lisa, a fine albino little honey; I was into her right away. After a fast introduction she took me to the V.I.P section at the back of the Club. The Havana Club could hold maybe Two hundred max. It was much smaller than what I was used to, but very nice looking. The décor was colorful with a silvery flair. Carlos showed up five minutes later and said;

"So what you think of my little Disco huh? Sebastian I'm so glad you made it man.

"Yeah man this is hot, I like it the whole Mexican Spanish décor it's tight Carlos."

"Oh yeah, from outside it looks like hell, but in here its heaven baby. Maybe one day we can afford to hire you to come down and play for us."

"Man stop it, you can afford me now Carlos, anytime man just say when and I'm here. You got some nice looking women up in here that's for sure." Carlos looked around his place, proud and happy.

"Which one you want man?"

"Please If I knew that I would be home with a wife, that's my problem, ha, ha. I want them all player."

"No problem buddy, let me bring you over some women and some champagne, do you man, anyone you want is yours tonight brother."

"Well in that case you can start by having that fine little Albino hostess keep me company, I think her names Lisa. I mean if it's Ok with you?"

"No problem Sebastian sure you like that huh? She's from Honduras fresh off the boat baby. She ani't super fine but that body wow! And that whole Albino thing just sets it all off. She speaks good English, man she's a winner, sh-- I been wanting to tap that myself, but she won't let me after seeing all the honey's I get down with. You; however, are the man you can handle her I am sure. She just started with me a month ago. I tell you what I will send her over and give her the night off with pay just to keep my brother company, how's that?"

"Sounds good, but if you wait any longer the night will be over."

"Alright I'm going but don't embarrass me man, you better bring you're 'A' game with her player." I cased the place again, feeling the vibes I could tell that I was in for a good time.

"Carlos, man please, all I got is an 'A' game sh-- you know what, there really is only three real Mack players in the world, and I am two of them. I couldn't tell you who the other was, and I could care less kid, send her on.

"Ha' ha I like that, I like that, I might have to steal that line my brother. Sebastian you got mad style that's why I love you, one second. I'm sending over champagne and everything, lobsters and shrimps all that sit tight ok?"

"Yes sir, I will be waiting right here and don't forget a little salad on the side."

I leaned back on the plush multicolored couch and enjoyed the salsa music that was playing way too loud for the speakers. The V.I.P section was a decent size about ten feet by fifteen. Maybe seven or eight of us present enjoyed the privilege of sharing it. It was equipped with plenty of exotic tall plants and flowers. Nice sofas and chairs with two large glass rectangular tables. Best of all it was elevated to give you maximum view of the night Clubs dance floor. A Latino couple was dancing the hustle on my left side and as she turned and twilled her dress rose up just enough to show off a sexy orange thong. Man I could have stuck a finger in her she was so close to me. Just then Lisa arrived with a huge smile showing a mouth full of pearly white teeth. She sat down to my right and told me she was honored I asked for her company.

"Yes well if not you - than who baby? You are gorgeous."

"No not at all look around you, with all these pretty ladies in here you picked me, I'm so flattered." I pretended to look around for a second but quickly returned my eye contact to Lisa.

"Absolutely, you see you have something they don't have baby." Standing next to me in one of the sexiest poses I ever saw, Lisa held her own.

"Really what's that?"

"Sex appeal, and plenty of it, you are sexy girl, come on you know that"

"Really, Sebastian you think I'm sexy? Don't just say that to make me feel good."

"Baby as sure as money makes the world go around you sexy, double S super sexy and I just wanted to get to know you a little better."

"Stop I'm blushing, hey your Mr. Big time famous Deejay, I know you meet lots of women just pulling on you for timeshare."

"Not even see I'm real selective Lisa I know what I like in a woman and don't find it very often."

"Oh yeah and what is that Sebastian or should I call you Bashing?"

"Whatever you prefer sweetheart look here everything sitting right in front of me baby, everything you working with is all I need in my life at this moment." I popped a bottle of the champagne that the waiter blessed me with as we sat down in V.I.P.

"But you don't even know me I could have a mean personality Sebastian."

"Don't know you is right; however, getting to know you is happening as we speak, and I can tell, you got nothing but sweetness in you by the way you carry yourself Lisa. You are a top class woman of special qualities and I plan to enjoy as much of your company as possible this evening, if it's alright with you?"

"Yes of course Sebastian, but stop it your making me blush again you are too much."

"No baby, see I'm just enough for the right opportunity or occasion which has just came into my destiny tonight."

"Wow, you are good, you are good Bash."

I shot the game at her for a half hour, by then I had her so gassed up I could smell her juices cooking between her thighs. Lisa had a body builders figure nice tone arms and muscular legs to accent her Albino light skin. She wore short curly hair on her square face with big cheeks. Her toes were sweet and painted lime with diamond chips matching the nails and lipstick surrounding her large wide mouth. She radiated under the lights in the spot, my imagination ran wild. She was no ten but well worth the time and she fell for me hard that first night. Lisa was too dilly for me to take to serious but made a nice bracelet for a brother to sport around town. One got the impression she had codependent issues and would go out of her way to please the right man. That was me all day. As we laughed and joked, a short chubby man sporting a ninety-nine dollar suit came by the V.I.P rope and asked to speak to Lisa. She excused herself and returned in five minutes. I looked him up and down and saw that he needed to be arrested by the fashion police for sure. His roach stomping shoes were starving for a shine. I was chilling in my tailored Hugo boss suit, tan with the black gators and a black suede silk shirt with a few buttons open, you know gangster style. And here come peter cottontail thinking he hopping down my bunny's trail, oh hell no. The look on his face told it all, he was upset. And the look on hers said she at one time must have slept with him. Lisa sat back down and avoided making eye contact with me; she crossed those sexy legs and bounced one a little to the beat. After thirty seconds of silence she said;

"That mother fu--r needs to just leave me alone. Why can't he get it through his head I don't want him? I gave him my number recently thinking you know maybe I would date him, but I changed my mind he's a pain in the ass."

One thing I always know and have said is 'the way it begins is the way it ends,' so set the stage for Lisa Love. She told her first lie right then, and it would not be the last. Women somehow have these prepared speeches and scenarios in their minds. Whatever they say they won't do, is usually exactly what they will do. In the end they always wind up with the guy they say they would never be with. And you can forget about bringing it up that's when they suffer from selected amnesia, they don't recall. Yes selected amnesia, they remember what they choose to remember and forget what they choose to forget. In Lisa's case I couldn't care less I just wanted to hit and split, so on automatic instinct I responded by saying;

"Calm down sweetheart breathe easy, you can't blame the man for trying. Hey if you gave me your number I'd be harassing you too, you fine baby."

"Ha, ha Sebastian you so crazy, somehow I just don't see you as that type mister. I will probably have to chase you down, not the other way around"

"No baby I plan to harass this sexy body of yours until you beg for me to stop."

"Is that right? Now can I hold you to that cause it sounds real, real good to me?"

I knew flattery would get me everywhere. We got up and danced for a good hour Lisa loves to dance. I rubbed and touched almost every part of her existence with no qualms from her. I started to feel the heat between our bodies; she was ready and waiting for the next move. It wasn't long after sitting back down and biting on a few delicious complimentary delicacies that we decided to go someplace more private. Yeah, her place it was only ten fifteen minutes away she revealed, so it made since to me.

"Look baby I don't want to be driving around taking a Hampton tour you say you live close by right?"

"Sebastian stop, I'm less than ten minutes up the road. I took a taxi here so you know I am close."

"Alright sexy girl get your things and let's roll out, I had enough of the Latin flavor for one night, mingling and music that is, now I need some Latin desert." We headed for the door and I slapped Carlos five and gave him the one eye wink. He smiled at me, knowing I did him proud loading the bases, and was now headed for the home run. All of a sudden I felt a hard push from behind, I turned quick and saw it was the fake player Lisa had spoke to earlier. Miguel, I found out his name later, anyway he had started the beef, but me being gentlemen not wanting to disrespect my man Carlos Club I simply told him;

"Hey you want a shot at the title, step outside to the parking lot chump." Luck had been on his side because security grabbed him up and tossed him out the door like fly paper. He slid twenty-five feet with that shinny oily slick suit he was wearing. I felt like it wasn't over because nobody but a punt pushes you from behind. I didn't even know the dude, the straight player hater. Lisa rushed me towards my car and calmed me down saying;

"It's not worth it Sebastian he would probably call the police after you beat his ass, he is such a jealous punk, come on where is your car let's just go."

"Well there isn't much left of him after his ass got dragged off the lot anyway, but if I ever see his bit-- ass anywhere, I going to put the hammers on him real bad. Trust me, because as far as I am concerned, he can be jealous in the emergency room explaining his busted up face."

"I apologize for his behavior and I got something nice to make it up to you let's get in the car stop looking around for him, he is gone. Let me calm your nerves down baby."

"Ok what you got in mind for me sexy?" We jumped in my car and before I could start the engine Lisa had my fly unzipped. She went to work with professional skill and fierce passion, wow she was a sexpert. Carlos walked up and I rolled the tinted window down halfway.

"Yo' sorry Sebastian this cat is out to lunch man, he has no right to come to my place and disrespect my people like that, he is banned for life from here, my word to god brother."

"No sweat Carlos we can discuss this later it's all good, but I'm busy right now."

"No I'm just saying that mother fu - oh I see, you busssy yeah, yeah later player."

"Later Carlos, thanks for everything, I had a nice time despite the little rukus, its all good."

Just then Lisa shifted gears into full vacuum mode, I held out for a good half hour until she begged me to come in her mouth. I let loose a burst of sperm and she swallowed it all. Trembling and shaking her knees she got every drop and looked up with that big smile.

"Damn girl you had an orgasm yourself didn't you?"

"Yes that never happened to me before, but you taste so good. Sebastian, drive to my house I want to do that again."

"You don't have to tell me twice baby, which way?" Lisa spit out directions while sexually licking her lips. She said I had a spell on her, she claimed to be too nice of a girl to act this way. Man if I had just one penny for how many times I heard that bullsh-- I'd be Donald Trump, I swear. Her place was in an apartment complex, a little studio nothing special. She had no children so it was more than efficient for her needs. We hit the sheets and got busy with some animalistic sex that would be a shame to repeat. That's when I discovered Lisa was a screamer. Yeah, you know, one stroke and she hollered so loud the whole building had to hear her. Screamers are rare women to come by. Some men love to get one; I guess it makes them feel like a Mandingo. Me I don't care for them much, I mean they are way too loud. I like some sound effects but come on, yelling at the top of your lungs like I am killing you or something. That's over doing it, but I kept her around. Man I would have kept her just to piss Miguel off anyway. One thing about Lisa that stands out from many others, she told me she loved me, and meant it. That's why I call her Lisa love. To this day years later she still is deeply in love with me. When someone really loves you it shows. You can see it in their eyes. When a woman feels for you like that, she is the one, if you have any simple common sense, you keep around. Sounds good right? Yes but Lisa had a huge glitch in her operating system. She was a total fu-- up when it came to basic life. Lisa made bad decisions with good intentions. I suppose she was no different than we all can be from time to time. Except Lisa had it bad, she made mistakes all day and night. In fact, I sometimes felt like she was cursed with something.

I remember one time after I had been seeing her for a good minute. I went with her to help her pick out a car. She insisted on a big over sized boat with no power steering. She loved the leather interior and I could not get her to see the big picture. The car was junk, but the look was nice. The same day she got the car insured she drove off from my house, and the transmission fell out. I mean how many people have a tranny fall out of their car in life? How many transmission fall right onto the street, not many. Lisa didn't want to tell me about it, so she just decides to get someone to fix it, guess who? Yup' Miguel the idiot. Here I am calling her, concerned that she got home ok with her new used car. She never answered the phone it just went straight to voice mail all night, so I knew something was wrong. I found out two days later about the tranny, by then she had been around this Miguel for 48 hours. She came back crying and begging me to forgive her, snot flinging everywhere as she cried her eyes out.

"Sebastian nothing happened with me and Miguel, you know I love you. He just was the only one I could think of calling. You told me not to buy this car and I did, so I didn't want to call you, I was too embarrassed to tell you."

"Lisa, it doesn't matter I'm not your man baby it's all good."

"No, no, no please don't say that please, you are my man the only man for me, ever. I don't want to live without you."

"Wait now, wow, don't say that - I've had some bad experiences with that baby girl. You can do and see whoever you like, I am doing me I have always been honest with you about that."

"I know I saw that pretty girl leave from your house the other day, the one with the new Toyota truck."

"Yeah, so what I am single baby you must understand that. I'm not trying to be tied down to no one."

"I know, but I love you so much you can have all the women you want. Just don't leave me, I need you Sebastian please, I will do anything for you, anything."

"Anything huh, well - check it out, that chic you saw her name is Veronica and she is kind of freaky. Let's have a ménage a trios, you know a threesome."

"Sure, Just say when Sebastian, hell yeah she was a cute looking heffa, I will lick that twat good for you daddy."

It was no surprise to me, after all Lisa was a stone cold freak anyway. This is why I knew she slept with Miguel. Veronica wasn't any better; I met her at her place of business, a shoe store she owned in Stamford Connecticut. I would play at a Club out there from time to time. I was locally sexing it up with a hot little Chinese honey named Sum Chi ,who lived out that way. One day we went into a shoe store with Sum, to get her some banging boots, and I met veronica. Veronica had a big fat behind, and I wanted to hit that. She recognized me as a known Deejay and we got to talking. It was on from that moment, and the next time I went to the shoe store I made sure, I came alone. Sum Chi was a liar 'anyway.' She had told her parents she was dating an Asian guy. There is no future in the front, right? So I dumped Sum Chi and got with Veronica. It took me a while to get with her because she had a boyfriend. You know how it is, the attraction was there for both of us but she resisted my approach. I didn't get to Stamford much, only when this one promoter hired me at the Total Experience Night Club. A few months after meeting Veronica, I was spinning up there in Connecticut and low and behold she stepped up to the Deejay both looking scrumptious. I let her in and to my surprise, she handed me a hotel key, I said;

"What's this?"

"After you finish tonight use it and see, I will be waiting for you."

So at the end of the party I went to the hotel like a good boy, and smashed her big fat ass to the break of dawn. Afterwards Veronica lit up a cigarette said that it was the best sex she ever had, well I am sure that is true, I do rock the world in bed but good sex is easy to find, yeah right – holla. But then she confessed to me that the boyfriend she told me about was really her husband. I couldn't believe she set me up like that. Take a man to hell with you huh, man - women are often wicked. I was very upset, I told her she could have at least given me the choice, now I had committed adultery with another man's wife. I didn't speak to Veronica for a long time after that. Some months later she called me up, saying she was separated and he had moved out. Hell, I already had done the act once, so I went back to smashing her big ass.

Anyway, here I stood In front of Lisa this day after the transmission news, planning out this future threesome for us. But before we had a chance to do it, Lisa gets arrested on a real dumb charge. She was walking down the street and threw her soda bottle into a garbage can. Except she missed the can and the bottle hit a cop car. I'm telling you bad luck just followed her everywhere. Lisa Love should've been called Lisa Bad Luck. The cops thought she did it on purpose and locked her up. Lisa called me and I bailed her out for Six-fifty. Now get this, on her date to go to court she was driving on the way to the hearing in the snow, and ran into a school bus full of kids. So she missed court and went to the hospital in an ambulance instead. To top it off, she had no car insurance at the time. Thank God no one else got hurt but her with a mild concussion and some minor bruises; however, so much for my Six-fifty in bail money. A week later she comes up pregnant. We had a few no condom episodes so I couldn't take any chances with paternity, so I immediately pushed her towards getting an abortion.

We found a place in the Bronx that was cheap. I remember when we arrived there were protesters outside holding up mangled baby pictures, not good for business. This upset her real bad so we went back to the car and I had to talk her into it all over again. Finally we went inside and I waited for hours until she came out barely able to walk. Lisa was crying and told me after we got in my ride that we would have had twin boys. Man I thought, 'did I do the right thing, twin boys would be nice huh.' I was haunted by my thoughts for a very long period of time. It was not my first abortion or my last, in fact I had way too many, but this one bothered me the most of all.

Time went on with Lisa constantly messing up over and over. She was losing jobs and doing all types of silly little things. She went through cars like people go through doors. I was getting tired of her, but she was ever so stuck on me. Some more months past and we did finally do the threesome with Veronica, it was all right. I had been with both ladies so many times it wasn't all that exciting as I expected it to be. I sat back and watched them get busy mostly, and man did they get busy. I believe Lisa and Veronica got together without me after that night. I didn't really care one bit if they did. You know it's funny, the sex with both girls was the bomb, but I knew neither one had any substance in their character. I wanted out, I was searching for a real woman, or else I might as well just go back to pimping. I had two good hoes already, Lisa and Veronica, but was willing to trade them for one good lady. Lisa loved me for sure but couldn't tie her shoe laces right most of the time. Veronica loved sex more than life and anyone in it. I eventually eased away from both of them. Heartbroken and lost, Lisa wound up with Miguel, and Veronica went back to her husband. No surprise to me, like I have always have said; 'Exactly what a woman says she won't do, is what she will do.' I must say though I had plenty of women shoes and boots from Veronica's store. She gave me at least forty-five different pair. I just stored them away for future women in my life. Months later in December just before Christmas Lisa called me. She had been trying to keep the Miguel situation a secret but I knew all along.

"Hello Sebastian how are you doing?"

"Hey Lisa love what's good? I'm fine, how's life down South, I heard you moved?"

"It's ok, I guess, but I miss you Sebastian. You know I still love you right?"

"Yeah, I know, sure,sure, so are you working or what?

"Yes I got a good job working with the town you would be so proud of me. No mess ups in my life either. I live in a nice two-bedroom townhouse and oh ,I brought new maxima. Isn't that funny, me with a car that works?"

"Yeah ,now that's funny ha, God is good Lisa! You know it is nice to know you are doing ok"

"Yes I am ok, Sebastian, I just called to tell you some things. I have some news for you." "Ok what is it?"

"Well Sebastian I don't know how to tell you so I will just say it, I'm five months pregnant."

"Hey, congratulations are in order, that's great news Lisa, I am happy for you. I know how the situation with the twins broke your heart. Now you can start a family - that's good news man, very good news. Hey you plan on getting married or what?"

"No not yet but if I do you will be the first to know. You can Deejay at the wedding, well maybe not, I mean I still hope one day we can get married Sebastian, you and I. Sebastian - I don't love him I love you, I look back and wish things were different. I was so stupid I really blew it. Lisa's voice became sad as she spoke about us she still was not over me.

"I had the best man in the world when I was with you. You know you helped me grow up so much you taught me so much, I am forever grateful to you. I just want to thank you and tell you I am sorry, sorry that I lied to you so many times. Sebastian you didn't deserve that you always kept it real with me and I was just a screw up."

"Lisa, hey breathe easy girl it's alright. I am not a saint sweetheart, I got my faults too. We didn't make it together it just wasn't in the cards baby. All is forgiven you just try to concentrate on what's in front of you right now. This man is taking care of you nicely, and from what I can hear he has love for you." I poured it on strong to insure that she fully understood me.

"Try to find it in your heart to move on from me emotionally Lisa. Give him his fair chance, it's only right. You have a new life growing inside you now. I will always be here if you need me and you will always have a special place in my heart you know that."

"Thank you Sebastian I love you so much, but I will try, I will."

"You got my blessings baby girl."

"Thank you for your blessings I needed that. I didn't want you to hear it from someone else. You do know whose baby it is right?"

Lisa was crying and trying to conceal it from me I wanted to give her strength to go on. I have done some bad things in life but I always have had a heart.

"It doesn't matter to me whose with you baby girl. He is lucky to have a gem like you. You are not a diamond in the ruff, you are a polished diamond shinning, so pick your head up and shin on. I know you stunting on them hard looking good in that Maxima."

"Yeah, I do be looking kind of good in it ha, ha. Sebastian you're the best I have to go now, I will call you soon ok."

"Yeah, you sexy albino we will talk again."

"Ok goodbye Sebastian, I love you." "Yes, one love baby girl."

From the whispering voice she used I could tell he was in the next room or something. I was serious and meant every word I said to her, no game in it. You know of all the women I had known Lisa was probably the worst fu-- up but she was also the only one that came somewhat clean in the end, making an honest amends all the time. This was an admirable quality that she did have all along. I guess that is why I let her stick around for so long. Unfortunately she just couldn't get it together in time for us to make it. All in all she was and is a good woman for some man who possessed enough patience and tolerance. I had many others during her time, but cared for her the most deep down inside. I don't care how much of a player you think you are, feelings are feelings. And you will feel for somebody at some point, and guess what? Strangely enough, you don't get to pick who that someone will be. The Bible speaks about it often, King Solomon even with all his riches, wife's and concubines still felt for just one. Samson and Delilah, Adam and Eve and on and on it goes. We are all subject to fall in love sooner or later. I wasn't in love with Lisa but my day was close. I stayed single for a minute after breaking up with my sons mother Ashley, but dated and had many young tender squeeze's, Lisa was just one of them.

I could bore myself thinking of them all, but instead I skipped my mind on to the next woman worthy to ponder on. Monique, oh yes Monique what a story. Man oh man I feel hard on this one, I dropped the ball. A man can be as hard as diamonds but when God calls, all bets are off. You either heed the call or suffer the punishment. I guess one could say I went through life using and abusing women. Feeling like they were all fake anyway. I spent most of my life as a true womanizer based upon viewing them from a negative aspect. Such was the case, until I came across Monique. I remember it all so precisely, around the time that I met Monique I heard from Lisa again. Over a year had pasted and I now lived in Valley stream long Island, in this huge basement apartment. My record collection had become so large I needed a cement floor to support the weight of them all. It was in a nice exclusive neighborhood and I got the call while headed to the store for sinus medicine. It was a pouring down rainy bitter cold Thursday night.

"Hello, what's good?"

"Hey Sebastian I finally got you."

"Who's speaking?"

"It's Lisa, Lisa Love, baby." I pulled over to the side of the road once I knew it was her. The rain beat down on the car so hard it was difficult to hear her.

"Lisa what's up, how did you get this number?"

"Man let me tell you, Sebastian it was hard finding you, you change numbers so often. If you stop sleeping with all those groupies giving away my good loving you might be able to keep the same number mister."

"Ok I know you didn't call me for no nonsense, plus it is coming down rivers of living water out here, talk fast I'm trying to get home."

"Anyway your Mother gave me your new number. At least her number stays the same"

"Yeah, Mom's does it again she always liked you. You alright, I know you had the baby by now?"

"Yes I did, I am alright I suppose, well Sebastian, not really see I need your help." I drove on again rushing to get back home and out the storm.

"What kind of help you need from me Lisa?" She hesitated to respond, them mustered up the courage to tell me.

"I am in a bad spot right now, I need some money."

"Well you know money ani't a thing, how much and for what. I got your back Lisa what you late on car payments?"

"No not that, I know money is nothing to you, but us working people don't get paid seven hundred plus dollars a night, six times a week to rock the house, and CD and record sales."

"Lisa, yo' it's pouring raining out her and I'm driving what's really good?"

"Ok, ok well I need five thousand." I almost crashed my Mercedes Benz 500 after she said that.

"Five thousand dollars, bit-- you bugging or what! Hold on let me pull back over, I don't believe you went there. Wait a second I'm jumping off the Cross Island now into this gas station."

"Sebastian please do not yell at me, I am stressed enough. I knew you would be mad I just don't know what else to do."

"Only dogs get mad Lisa, I'm upset not mad, I thought things were going good for you. Last time we spoke you were on top, what happened is he hitting you? You know I can't stand for a man to beat on a woman, a hoe maybe but not a sweetheart like you." I was still filled with rationalization and justification in this area.

"No, no he isn't hitting me, well sometimes he does, but it's not that, well Sebastian the thing is."

"Look spit it out I'm nice and calm now, I didn't mean to blow up but this weather and my sinus headache has me a little edgy. Man it's been raining for days on end. I now know how Noah must have felt being in 40 days of it."

"I heard about the bad weather there, I still I can't wait to come up and see you soon, I miss you." Parked in the station I leaned my electric seat back to relax and possibly take in a reason under the not shinning sun, why I would give up five thousand.

"Ok well let's deal with first things first, tell me what's going on and maybe we can find a solution for you. How bad can it be is the baby alright what did you have girl or boy?"

"I had a boy and he is so big you have to see him. His name is Peter but his middle name is Sebastian. Miguel didn't like that, but oh well. I had to get your name in there somehow."

"Sounds like a winner to me what happened is he sick needs an operation or what, if anything like that is happening you can have ten thou?"

"No I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Miguel has been accused of molesting our son. It's not true Sebastian I know he is innocent that's why I need the money for a lawyer." I was listening real close in hot shock by this time, did she just say, he molested his son.

"What did you say, molesting your son, you serious his own flesh and blood? And you say he's innocent, what the, wait a second, I don't believe I'm hearing this. Accused how, did he get accused?"

"It's his lying ass sister, she hates me Sebastian. She baby sits for us she said the baby is always crying when Miguel drops him off in the morning. See he goes to work after me so he has Peter for two hours before dropping him off to his sister Paulette."

"And why would his own sister accuse him of such a low life thing like child molestation just because he is crying? Your son crying, equals molesting I can see that, what's really good?" Lisa rustled with the phone moving around many times, she sighed a minute then continued.

"No, not just the crying, she took him to the doctor to see what was the matter and the doctor said he had been somewhat violated sexually, Anyway, CPS got involved and all that, and then they they took my son away from us. Sebastian they took my son, I now have to fight to get him back."

"Yo' this sounds crazy you sure, no way, Miguel is not guilty of. I never like the cat anyway but this sounds fishy to me. Regardless of me liking him or not, o know you have better common since then to be with a pedophile."

"I don't believe he did it either, he is a little weird I mean he has had some erection problems with me in the past, but he loves me and Peter he wouldn't do that. His sister just wanted to take our child, because she can't have one of her own. She might have been the one who done it, who really knows. She had the nerve to go and file, for custody."

"Yeah, but what about the doctor, you saying they all are in on it together. Lisa think hard man, concentrate does Miguel seem strange towards little children in any way at all. Any history before this, any porno books with boys, kids or anything unusual in his behavior or disposition."

"No, no stop it you sound like the CPS case worker. Look Sebastian just because Miguel was molested by his father and is into child porno books once in a while, and was accused of molesting his daughter by his first baby's mother doesn't make him guilty. People are just so cruel in these situations it's all coincidence. These traumatic type of experiences can make you a little weird as is he, but that doesn't make you guilty. You know what I just won't believe it - Paulette is just saying crazy things against Miguel." The rain was hitting my car so hard I lost all visibility as a sat parked listening to the sad voice of Lisa go on in denial. I realized Lisa love had turned into Lisa lost. She didn't have a clue, not a clue. I thought about it real hard and would've given her the money with no problem, but this scum bag sounded guilty, and I didn't want to help a child molester get away. I have always loved children and would never do such a terrible thing to anyone under age, no matter how much pimping was in me. So I had to stand my ground and let the cards play out the way they were meant to be.

"Lisa listen to yourself what are you saying. Miguel is alone every day with your son and he needs some counseling anyway from his own past. Maybe he did molest him, Lisa be for real here but it's your business not mine, I'm not in it, and I can't get in it."

"I know, I would never get you involved Sebastian, I just need the money for a lawyer for Miguel that's all."

"Have you lost your mind completely Lisa. If you needed the money to move away from this Psycho I would hand it over no problem, but to defend him, hell no. Meanwhile you plan to stick and stay with him through all this, I can't do it. I am on the child's side until it's proven to be different when it comes to these types of accusations. You should be as well, that is your child that you went through labor pains to have. If there is a question or doubt, defend the child, not the man. You must be absolutely positive before you let your physical emotions enter the picture."

"Ok Sebastian I understand, I mean it doesn't hurt none to ask, I will figure it out I always do."

"Yeah, it hurt to ask, hurt my already hurting head, Goodbye Lisa and good luck, now is the time to stand up and be a woman of substance."

"Goodbye Sebastian, I Love you, I will stand up don't worry. I know he didn't do it, I have to stand by my man, you know me." "Yes I do, an admirable quality taken way too far. Pray Lisa, pray and God will step in with the right answers."

Man is there ever any good endings in life; Lisa done went and flipped out completely. I couldn't understand her path of thinking. My business at the time was booming, cash flowing lovely. Five thousand was nothing but lunch money, but hey I liked eating lunch, you know. So wasting it was not in my plans, besides I was getting tired of standing on my feet Deejaying for six hours night in and night out. Many think it is easy work, well they are dead wrong. Look, the hot one hundred plus degree temperatures in the small booths and the constant tension in the muscles of your body as you drive the crowd into a frenzy.

Not to mention the Club owners and promoters nagging you all the time to please everyone. Along with the ever existing pressure of thinking ten records ahead to keep up the pace and stay competitive over the looming competition. Meanwhile they look, listen and study, your every move. They are just vultures waiting to snatch your job, hoping and praying for your downfall. Run D Mc been said it; 'and that's not all MC's have the guile, to pray and pray for my downfall.' After some time at this regularly, you are drained physically emotionally and mentally. An artist gets on stage and performs for what an hour at the most, and that's a big time artist? A high profile Deejay performs all night long, at least four hours rocking the turntables and the microphone lights samplers and effects all together. If I was playing bars it would be easy but not when you got a thousand people or better in a room, it's hard work.

When you Deejay at this lever you sit in the hot seat, you are in charge of the fun for every person who is there that night. My man Paul from the Nakisaki Club taught me that. He was a smart man who knew how to groom a Deejay into perfection. If a guy gets a girl to dance, or her number it's because of you. If people don't have a good time it's because of you, if a fight breaks out, it's because of you. You control the room, you have the hot seat and trust me it's hard, hard work. Pressure, what, it's a whole lot of pressure, and years of this night in and night out takes its toll on you. I was saving money for rainy days, and here was Lisa calling me on the rainiest of all days. But man, little did I know, a bigger storm was coming, a real big storm that would change my life forever. I don't know what exactly happened to Lisa after that.

I did run into her about a year or so ago, I was in a relationship with Jasmine's dumb ass at the time. Lisa love still was talking that love me, love me sh--. She didn't say much about the child situation and I didn't ask. She did say Paulette won custody and that much more to the story came out, not good. We met later that night at a motel for a quick smash, and I was gone. You know Lisa was a little nutty and a big fu-- up but at least she was loyal. Not always faithful but loyal, to a man she would stick and stay with you. She was crazy sometimes and in deep denial but aren't we all - one-way or the other? We all tell ourselves something that isn't really what it is from time to time. Stick and stay Lisa, I have to give her that much credit most women would cut out on a man when times get ruff. I respect her for not being like that. And I know she would come back to me, across The Sahara Desert on a camel's back, if I asked her too. Hell yeah she loved me, but goodbye Lisa Love, its curtains baby - curtains.

**Chapter 11 The signs of Monique**

John 10:30 "I and my farther are one" John 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and The life, no one comes to the father except through me."

I got pulled over by the police and arrested for driving with a suspended license in April of 2000. I had just finished shopping in the Bronx on The Grand Concourse. I had a trunk full of fly wear, including four pair the hottest shoes a man ever stepped in. I spent two days in jail before even seeing the judge, what is known as bullpen therapy. In New York the law is they have seventy-two hours to take you to court. So they play games moving you around from bullpen to bullpen or fake process to process. A bullpen is a large cell that can hold up to forty or fifty men, it generally has one metal toilet or urinal for all to share. Needless to say a man learns to hold his bowels for long periods as soon as he gets locked up. Well during that time I met a guy named John who laughed hard on my arrest. He was a strange man, like a Quentin Tarantino type dude, who allegedly stole cars for a living. Rumor was he had a large stolen car ring with over thirty guys working for him and was up millions of dollars. I don't know what he was laughing about the cops busted his ass for a bar fight in the men's room. Looking out of the bars from the bullpen across from me, he hollered my name.

"Yo' Sebastian, you got busted on a B.S suspended license man ha, ha what the deal brother; you gotta pay those tickets man that's a no, no."

"Yeah funny ahh, I'm not your brother, what's your name John? John you got thrown in here after fighting in the John, at some bar, ha, ha, now that's funny."

"Well we both pretty dumb today huh? But you a famous Deejay, you have to be able to travel man, pay them tickets. I recognize you Sebastian better known as Bashing Sounds, am I right? Your face is on flyers posters and magazines. I never forget a face brother, I even have a few of your mix CD's in my car right now. Plus I even heard you spin records onetime at a Club in Houston, you are incredible man. The way you controlled that crowd beat by beat and destroyed the microphone. You had them flipping in that spot man, pretty darn good I must say." Here I was locked up and being giving the fan club act, embarrassing is an understatement.

"I would say you are in the top ten in the world, forget the country Sebastian."

"Yeah ok that's me, thanks I do try my best to rock. You must be talking about last year at the Train Yard Spot, because I only blessed the stage in Houston once. What were you doing in the Houston hood anyway, you a white boy, that spot is smack right in the ghetto?"

"Are, well - just a little business you know, I happen to be a man of many neighborhoods. Where ever the money is buddy ha, ha." The C.O on duty did his ten minute walk by, checking the cells over fast. I looked across and saw John having fun in his cell with some other guys.

"I see you laugh a lot, tell me, are you happy to be locked up or what? Cause I sure am not happy right now."

"Well I am happy all the time man, see no matter what happens, God has a plan for all of us and this is all part of his grand design scheme. Everything takes place for a reason you know. It's no accident we are here together and besides \- I got more money than God ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So yes I am happy sh-- I'm bailing out in an hour or less, a little bar fight could never hold me ha, ha, ha."

"I hear you; you said more money than God, that's a big statement. I am not rich but I do alright sh--. I will probably bail out before you do, soon as I see the judge and find out the price of freedom." The real truth was, the last woman I trusted with my money was Lisa. I could leave her the whereabouts of a few grand and not sweat it coming up missing. Now I had no one to bail me out, money or not.

"Aahhh, yes, the price of freedom Sebastian, because freedom is not free, that's for sure. So we shall soon see Deejay. You know I like you your whole style man you are alright with me, when you get out you should call me, I have a deal for you if you are interested."

"Oh yeah what is it? I don't jack cars John."

"I know that brother, let's just sayyyyy, I own a few Clubs myself, I am throwing some raves real soon its big money for a guy with your following."

"Raves huh, I heard about them but what do you call big money John?"

"Oh five - ten large a night, depending on the crowd we draw. You can handle the R&B and Hip Hop Night's. I'm renting some Airplane Hangers, large enough to hold thousands of people. We can charge as much as fifty bucks to get in." I was now very interested, he was speaking my language, 'money.'

"We have about seven to ten different Deejays in separate sections of the layout. You get two dollars per head that comes in for you, as a bonus, on top of salary."

"Well you talking my language brother, five though a night, I will spin the hell out your spot."

"Now I am your brother, ha, ha, ha."

"Man we all brothers, ha, ha, you made me happy to be arrested. How about that I was locked up and still making money, that's what I'm talking about."

Yes, it was a deal, and let me tell you John was a man of his word for sure. I made forty large playing for him in just a month in a half. The women inside his parties were endless. Sex was in the air everywhere. Many dressed in sexy clothes that barely covered anything. Super wet tee shirts and skanky bathing suits paraded the many parties by the hundreds. Secret locations loud music, live acts, drugs with many names and elaborate never before scenery made up the basics at Johns affairs. I remember one very important thing around that time. I felt something pulling at me deep down inside my soul. It was almost like John wasn't real, like he was a laughing angel or something. Maybe worse, maybe he was The Devils Angel. He had magical powers and the ability to produce situations equal to an oasis in the sand. Who or what he was I may never know, but, I know shortly after I met him all Hell broke loose in my life. I believe he ignited nightmares bedtime story of Monique, Jasmine and Annette, 'Three the Hard Way.' Money isn't everything that I now know. If I could go back and do it all over, I would never have taken that job from John. It was honest work but there was something about it, like maybe, I don't know like - Satan had 'set me up.'

John also hooked me up with his cousin, this wild tattoo chic named Lucy. It was strange because most white guys would never have a black man banging their sister or cousin, etc. John didn't seem to mind it was like he had sent her to me and she cursed me with the coming events and signs ahead. Lucy was a pretty brunette big busted sex machine. Nothing to keep forever, she was too much of a Club groupie for that, but perfect company while I rocked at John's popular spots. John also sold me with a nice Corvette for dirt-cheap; hey, he was a car thief after all. The car was all legit, papers all good so I now was riding in major style the Benz and the race car. Pulling up in a brand new black Vette, sitting on chrome with TV's in it, raised the bar quite a bit. I had also developed a nice sized mail order business with my mix CDs. This business kept me going to the local Fed Ex on a regular basis. One day I hit a different location just to change up my pace.

I remember it was June the 12th 2000, the day I met 'Monique.' She worked behind the counter in the Rockville Centre location. I laid eyes on her and knew straight up she was my type. Monique had beauty that was rare to find in any female. Her hair was nicely done and she had brown smooth skin. Pretty and I do mean pretty Green eyes and what looked like a lot of behind under the chair she sat on. She was twenty pounds or so over weight but still a winner. Her voice was soft sweet and kind like spring water in a pond; it made you melt when she spoke. I did my business that day and left with a smile saying 'thank you.' From then on I made it a point to go to that location. Soon I knew the best time to show up when it was not too busy so we could chat for a minute. Monique told me she was a born again Christian and invited me to her Church. I was busy trying to get a date, and didn't get a good respond at first. She refused my advances for four months. In October the cold weather was coming on. I started to hit my regular location in Valley Stream; it was much closer to my house. One day; however, to my surprise Monique was standing behind the counter.

"Hey Monique, how are you and what are you doing here?"

"Hi Sebastian they move me around from time to time. I don't work here too much but every now and then I do. What are you doing here is the real question?"

"I live around here, this is my hood."

"Oh yeah, well me too I'm right in Lynbrook."

"For real the next town over, I didn't know that, you should work here all the time."

"I know it's so much closer to my house, I want to be transferred but you know how they do. Wherever the seniority wants to go they get the first dibs. I only have been with Fed Ex three years."

"I here you, I live right in Valley Stream a few blocks down. We should do lunch the next time you are working this way."

"Yeah, maybe you are persistent aren't you? I told you I have the Lord as the only man I need in my life. You look real good Sebastian, God is blessing you. I hope you know Jesus loves you, he died for all of us all so we could be forgiven of our sins."

"Well it sounds good and sweet when you say it. Tell him to send me some more money and a good, honest woman."

"Oh Sebastian stop it, money isn't everything you know, and when you are ready the Lord will send you your mate. Just believe, Sebastian Just believe, I tell you."

"I hear you, so when are we going out I'm feeling you girl. Monique maybe God sent me you, you are a nice God loving woman and look at us, we keep meeting by chance."

"Ha, you funny, I tell you what Sebastian, if you come to my Church this Sunday maybe we can go out after that. See I can't go out with a man scared to step foot in a Church."

"Scared not the kid just tell me where the Church is and I'm there."

"Good, that's wonderful news to my ears it's the Mount of Praise, on Rockaway Blvd, South Ozone Park Queens."

"Yeah, I know the place, the all brick Church on the corner; no problem what time is the service?"

"Eight thirty sharp, Sunday morning"

"Monique, eight thirty come on you know what I do for a living, Deejay all night long' I get off at four thirty or five in the morning. They don't have a later service like ten or eleven?"

"No Sebastian, and If you don't show up we are not going out - that's the deal."

"Alright I will work it out somehow, I may not get any sleep but I will see you there. Where will you be sitting?"

"Just get there early and sit up front. I am in the Choir so you will see me."

"Oh really, you sing I mean sang, excuse me I cannot wait to hear you. If your singing voice is half as good as your speaking voice I know you sound good. I got a little studio set up at the crib I might just want to record you one day."

"Yeah, well one thing at a time, Sunday Sebastian, and don't forget. If you don't come I'm never speaking to you again because you said you would be there."

"My word is bond Monique. I gave it to you and I will honor it, I will be there." She sounded like a mother chastising a child. I would've done whatever at that point, whatever she wanted. I was tuned on by her bold little bossy attitude it ran chills up my body that I never before experienced.

Also she stood up while talking to me this time, turning around to handle my package. Boom baby had back, oh yes she did for sure I was very pleased. The problem was I ignored all the warning signs that I now know that God gave me around this time. For one - when I got to the Church and parked out front, I am positive I saw Lucy and John standing across the street waving at me and smiling. It was like a scene out of a horror movie, they were haunting me from afar. When the cars and heavy traffic passed by and I looked again they were gone. It was strange but I figured I was tired from working all night, maybe I had just been hallucinating.

I continued on and stepped in the Church putting a hurting on the building dressed to the tee. All heads turned in my direction. Even the Minister stopped preaching for a second. My new true blue suit and shinny shoes with a power tie did the trick all right. I could have easily had my choice of many ladies that day but I had been already been chosen by one. Monique was standing with the Choir waving and smiling a little more than necessary, this told me and the whole Church, 'she choose.' After months of patience I finally knew right then she was mine. The Choir sang beautifully and Monique swayed back and forth like a little girl as she sang along. She had a voice for sure but was a bit shy and reluctant about really letting it out. We spoke briefly after service but obviously it was under the microscopic eyes of everyone else.

"So what did you think about the service Sebastian? I hope you enjoyed God's message today."

"Yes it was very nice, the Pastor didn't really move me, but all in all the whole service was very pleasant."

"Good, so you would consider coming back again?"

"Absolutely, why not, everyone can use some more God in their life."

"I know that's right." This was one of Monique's favorite sayings. She looked so beautiful that day in her Choir gown. I still hadn't seen her in regular clothing it was always her work attire and now her gown. But my mind had undressed her with sin, many times. We exchanged numbers that morning and made plans for the following Friday. I wanted to surprise her with a nice night out at a Poetry Club in downtown Manhattan, The Nuyorician Poet's Café. Friday night came and I was to pick her up at her house at 9pm. I arrived five minutes late and she was heated, this should have been my '1st Sign.' I took a night off from Deejaying to hang with Monique, and she was ticked off about five minutes.

Always remember, the way it begins is the way it ends, and it began with Monique complaining about five minutes, like I knew where she lived and had been there before. I was busy trying to find her address. Five minutes is fashionably late, right? Come on, twenty minutes I could understand but five, get real. I didn't argue with her we moved on and hit the Poetry Club. She was dressed very nice but conservative. The tight jeans strained to hold her huge behind while her red blouse took good care of her twins. We got there with plenty time to spare and got a nice seat in the balcony. The spot, as it always is was off the chain, hot Poet's from all over doing their best poems. Monique was mesmerized, she was really feeling this one Poet who spoke on relationships, broken hearts and sex, mainly how he could please a woman with the art of making love to her mind body and soul. His closing statements were on how he would quit poetry just to find on good woman to share his life with. By the look in her eyes when I introduced her to him as we purchased his CD, I could tell if I wasn't present - he could have made a move on her. That should have been 'Sign #2.'

We started dating all the time after that and maybe it was two weeks later that she came by my place on her lunch break. To my surprise she gave it up the first visit, with little or no resistance. She had shaking orgasms to my sexual techniques and movements. She dressed quickly and ran off, back to work smiling. A good virtuous Church girl gone wild, I don't know about that, but - that should have been 'Sign #3.' Monique started coming over my place every other day for lunch and sex, one day she even tried to stick her finger in my rear end, I flipped out on her. That should have been 'Sign #4.'

"Yo'- are you crazy, I don't play that what are you doing?" She scrambled across the bed with a weird look on her face.

"No, I just read somewhere that it gives a man more pleasure during his orgasm." I got up and was standing by the bed by now.

"Oh yeah, well not this man don't you ever try that again, you hear me never."

"Ok, I am sorry dag; you don't have to get so upset with me. Women like it sometimes, so I thought maybe."

"Yo' - no, kill that noise, I'm not feeling that, I ani't gay Monique, you don't have to check and see. There is no down low brother living in here baby. And if that is what you like, just say it I will give it to you back there from now on, no problem."

"No no, no, I don't do anal sex, I tried it and hated it; I mean - hated it never again no way."

"Well whatever, I didn't ask you to do it, but thinking you can stick a finger in my ass, you are bugging for real mommy."

"Alright Sebastian I'm sorry let it go already, hey I'm hungry fix me something to eat." I sat in my big comfy chair watching the boob tube ignoring her for a minute then turned and looked at her with disgust.

"Fix you something to eat, don't you cook? I was wondering when you are going to fix me something to eat after all I'm the man in this relationship. Don't you know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?"

"Well I don't cook much, I mean not many dishes anyway, you know exactly what I mean Sebastian." That should've been 'Sign #5.'

Monique was a very good lover in fact excellent, and before I knew it we were intimate seven days a week. She made those funny noises during sex, a lot of slow 'oh's and ahh's, and yeah baby right there right there ohhh.' Most of all she sounded sincere not phony when doing it. I was way too into her. She was fine and she loved to fu-- then go and praise the Lord, a bad combination. The combination; however, bad or not did something to me and I loved it. I felt at times Monique was not completely honest with me. She had secrets about her past; you know 'skeletons in her closet.' That should have been 'Sign #6.' I went to Church with her a few more times and got the feeling that the Pastor was a fake. I also felt him and Monique had some history, a bond a tidbit deeper then what she revealed it to be. Based upon the way they made eye contact, or avoided making eye contact with each other. That little detail told the whole story. I felt like maybe they had sexual relations at one point, he was a single man or Pastor, anyway. That should have been 'Sign #7.'

One day a friend of mine from her area ran into us at a real good pizza shop. He knew her from the old College days. He asked her had she heard from his buddy, her old fling David. He later told me on the side David said she was the freak of the week and that David was an anal sex mad man. This had supposedly taken place way back, years ago. She had gotten saved and sanctified since then, so hey, I didn't stress it at the time. But later on this would prove to be an important part of the whole puzzle. I continued on sexing hard and heavy with Monique like crazy mad dogs in heat. Six months later she somehow got pregnant. She told me she couldn't have children due to a car accident when she was eighteen. This is a sure fire way to make a man take off the condom. All of a sudden she is pregnant, and my dumb ass is the one who took off the rubber in the first place. Then she starts talking about how she is having this baby, no abortion. That should have been 'Sign #8' the set up. I said; 'alright,' what else could I say, I started asking her some basic questions like did she ever have an abortion before etc, etc. She told me she had a botched up one when she was eighteen and never wanted to do anything so horrendous again.

Her eyes told me she was lying to me, but I went along with it like a fool to the slaughter. While she was pregnant she became mean and bossy, more stubborn than before and very sassy. I wasn't feeling her much at all. Monique went from the Choirgirl to the Exorcist in three months flat. I was avoiding her as much as possible now. That should have been 'Sign #9.' Then late on a Sunday night in May when I was home asleep, her sister called me and said Monique was in the hospital, she miscarried. I jumped up and rushed to the hospital only to find her laying in a blood bath. I mean blood was everywhere, the bed the floor and the walls. I screamed out for the nurse and demanded a room clean up at once, it was terrible. I had never seen so much blood in my life. My brand new sneakers left footprints of red all across the floor just to get to her bedside.

"You all right baby girl? You look good as usual - pretty as ever"

"Thank you Sebastian, you so sweet. I'm sorry about our baby I tried this time I really did. God don't love me no more" This was the first time I ever heard Monique's voice not sounding like an angel's. It was shaken and raspy and fear along with words came out of her mouth.

"Don't say that baby girl, God loves both of us, you and me you know that. Hey you got me back into Church, it's a good thing isn't it? Just rest up now baby I'm right here for you when you need me."

I knew something wasn't right. She was just fine earlier that day. I stayed with her the entire night and while she slept I got a chance to speak to the attending physician alone. I asked the doctor if she had any unknown complications, and could he share any information privy to whereas carrying a child is concerned. He told me yes she was an extremely high risk carrier that was all he could say. He also said that I should already know this information being the Father of the child involved, and then he walked away. His shoes clacking across the floor left echoes of questions in my mind. To me this made some sense, because Monique said she couldn't have children or should - she have said; 'safely.' So I would seem that she fooled me into getting her pregnant hoping to be able to carry this time. Maybe, this was certainly one scenario on my mind. Her mother just shook her head when she was there, almost as if she had been through this with her daughter many times before. She stayed for a minute, then just left me and Monique in the hospital like this was a regular thing.

In fact, the only one who seemed to be really worried about Monique was my dumb ass. Quickly after the miscarriage Monique went back to her normal God loving happy self. Praising the Lord with one hand and holding my penis with the other. I knew then for sure she had been through this before me. I had many ghosts and dreams at night that haunted me. Ashley's close call with my son Josh and the aborted twins from Lisa. Another eight were aborted by other woman in my single years, Sum Chi the Chinese girl who never told me about it, and just aborted, I found out that information much later. Also Kenya was pregnant before she got torched and killed, that child I am sure was all mines.

And now Monique's miscarriage, wow what a story, nobody will ever believe me. Who would believe such tragic and compelling events? If I wrote it all down in a book and changed the names claiming that it is all made up, no one would buy it – no sales. After all it's too much to believe happened to one man. Maybe I will one day do just that - write it all out? After the Miscarriage, came the secrets. Monique and her family would whisper a lot when I was present and the feeling in her house was unclean. Evil looks in a sense, she claimed that God had punished us for fornicating, so our child had been sacrificed. That should have been my Exit Sign. Actually my final Exit Sign, because I should have turned around from the 1st Sign. Man Sebastian why is it you always find the sick ones. You know, I searched the earth high and low to come up with some explanation some answer to tell my children about life. Unfortunately the only the only thing I discovered, is everything I already knew. Trust no one, male or female and when the smoke clears it's always about the money. At this stage of my life I was getting tired of it all, tired of the bullsh--. It seemed the only true love I ever had, came from my Mother and my Children unconditionally. My father only provided for me, it was like he couldn't wait till I was grown to let me loose, never to hear from him again. He had no part in my life, and never even stepped a foot in any of my apartments. On the Day of Judgment if the Lord asked him the color of my bedroom he would fail terribly, and be cast into hell. He knew so very little about his own son.

Perhaps this is why I was now in so much trouble. All I knew was, I planned to stay close to my son forever, no matter what his age. Grown or not, he is still my son. I must be there from eight to eighty to teach him so that he goes not astray. Just thinking of my son, Joshua makes me realize I should have married Ashley she was the best woman I ever had. Not a sneak or thief or liar like those that I had been condemned to handle lately. I was trapped in a world full of liar's, and the worst part of it all was, 'I was one of them.' Things with Monique grew even more insane, she became possessive, jealous and suspicious. She didn't do Clubs much so this was my only break time - away from her. I was playing constantly so she assumed I was flirting around with every woman around. If my phone rang it had to be another woman. If I spent too long at the store I stopped by some girl's house. If we were out and a girl spoke to me, I must've slept with her before. If a guy said what up and slapped me five, he handed me a female's number on the sneak tip, or it was a signal of some kind. She was driving me crazy with the jealously routine. Her insecure feelings were all over the place. I felt kind of sad for her, due to the after effects of losing a child. Perhaps, this was disrupting her over all judgment. I tried to be understanding and be patient, but I myself became suspicious in due time.

You know the weird thing is I had mad love for Monique, besides her not being totally honest with me; I was fully satisfied with her as a woman. I wasn't even interested in other women at the time. The sex was great, the brain was insane and she was fine as strawberry wine. We both worked hard and believed in God, striving for a better life. Why would I want to go back to some Club head chic and risk getting a disease or whatever? She blew the whole relationship with the nonsense she brought to the table. You know, guilt is a motherfu---r ani't it? I knew she must have had lots of guilt behind what she was hiding because I was doing nothing wrong, I was faithful to Monique. That's when I decided to do my own research oh yeah, my turn to do some background checking. What I discovered about Monique and the way we ended changed my whole outlook on life, and took me into another dimension. I know I will never be the same again. After Monique, I half heartily and reluctantly gave Jasmine the whole wide world of women's last chance. Yes a last chance, to prove to me why I should ever love again, but Jas - she ruined it for them all. My mind scrambled through thoughts of Jasmine and Monique's secret lies and all the pain she left me in. My brain was about to bust - that is until I was once again interrupted by - 'Annette.' It was back to the present day the summer of 2005, no more thinking about the past, welcome back to now as her voice called out to me.

"Sebastian, Sebastian." I was busy deep in a half sleep daydreaming state lying on my air mattress in this drug infested hood called Amityville Long Island.

"Hey Sebastian let me in player, what's up, you sleep damn?" she was banging on the window above my head.

"Yeah, Annette I am up, wait, hold on a second I'm coming." I opened the door to the crash house I stayed in, I house sitting basically. I now did that for a local realty, hey free rent and a few dollars sounded good to me. Also the truth is, I could drink my troubles away, while trying to figure out my failures. I stumbled to the door and opened it. The sun blasted my eyes anyone could have been standing there, the light blinded me for a few flashes.

"Come on in and have a seat Annette."

"How are you today, Mr. Sebastian? I have great news." Closing the door and finding my balance, I went straight for the beer in the fridge. The sound of a can popping open filled the air. I sucked down some medicine then responded back to my unshakable scheming demon;

"Oh yeah, what might that be, you hit the lottery and came to get me out of here today, I hope so?"

"No silly, I finally got a good job in Manhattan. We should go out and celebrate together."

"Hey, I am happy for you but I am saving money, I do have children to take care of you know, and last I remember you have a son Moses eighteen that you left back in New Orleans with some strangers. Why don't we send him some cash instead of going out? You been in New York three months now and living off your house sale. You should be smart and hold out for a few checks, then celebrate a little." Annette sat on the bay window ledge dressed in her business suit and lit one of her long cigarettes.

"Sebastian don't tell me what to do about my son, I know how to take care of mine. You worry about yours, and besides he isn't with strangers, he's with his best friend's family. He wanted to stay there while I set up things here in New York, no problem, so get it straight ok?" Annette came in on the usual rah, rah, with the common sophisticated disposition, she generally displayed before the Ghetto Girl act showed up. She was really nervous and soon started pacing the empty living room.

"Plus I didn't ask you to spend a dime Sebastian, I am the one treating, so come on player put some clothes on."

"Alright miss big time, but I don't want no drama and no drugs, let's actually make it to dinner for a change how about that."

"Ha, ha you so stupid, that's why I love you come on silly we going to dinner for real. Me and my baby I'm so happy I got a job." I got dressed slowly looking deep into Annette's lying eyes, with her there was always a catch. The bible speaks of these treacherous women who use flattery to seduce you. I should have always known better but something about this whole time period of my life made me weak on women. Trying to give them mercy and the benefit of the doubt. After spending my whole life being hard on them you would look at the last years after 9-11 and think I was an absolute fool. I was nobody's fool - in fact I had never been fooled by a woman since Maria at seventeen. I saw through all of them all, I just was trying to give the last few a chance, trying to let them repent. But neither Monique or Jasmine, and definitely not Annette the worst of any women I ever met, had any repentance in them. I know that on judgment day I will at least get credit for being way too good for these last few if no one else. They didn't deserve me, or happiness at all.

Proverbs 2:16 – 17

To deliver you from the immoral woman, from the seductress who flatters with her words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her god.

Proverbs 7:25-26-27

Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths. For she has cast down many wounded and all who were slain by her were strong men. Her house is the way to hell descending to the chambers of death.

"So where did you find a job at Annette?"

"At MTV studios isn't that great? You are looking at the new sales assistant manager for commercial airtime. I am officially a city girl now Sebastian."

"Sounds great congratulations I am so happy for you. With all your college degree's you should have been had a good job here."

"I know, you told me I could do it, you know I thank you for encouraging me Sebastian I can't wait to try to get you in there as a Deejay." One thing I knew about Annette was she would fu-- up a wet dream by having sex during it. Her dumb ass would be too busy seeing who she could screw to help me do anything substantial.

"Whatever girl, I say just worry about yourself for right now. So tell me Annette, when do you start?"

"Monday morning, I'm on the Long Island railroad it's cheaper than driving with all the gas and parking bills you know. I might stay at Gayler's house sometime to be somewhat closer."

"Gayler who, never heard of her another mysterious new friend huh?"

"Oh, you never met her, she is nice a friend of my cousin Trish. Anyway, Gayler lives in Brooklyn and said I could stay there anytime I wanted to."

"Brooklyn, my home town good, when I'm out there I can check you." I was now dressed and ready to roll out. Looking in the cheap dollar store mirror I acquired I could see the stress in my face taking its toll.

"Well, I will still be out here you know I mean she said I could stay, and I don't want to bring people to her house I mean well, you understand."

"No, I don't understand, after all I am the one you claim to love so much right? I would hope you could at least have me, if no one else stop by from time to time if you were staying somewhere I was unfamiliar with."

"No, she was saying if I am too tired to go home, that's all not stay there like that."

"Oh I see, well is she bisexual because, I know you are you don't fool me none Annette." Why I even played along with this game with Annette when I knew she was guilty of everything possible was beyond me. I guess I liked to see her squirm. I enjoyed it and always went along like I didn't know any better. Had it been in my Deejay prime days I would've had no time for her to begin with. The story of Annette would've been about fifteen seconds long, but as it stood these days her fool ass was good company.

"Sebastian you can be such a jerk sometimes, no I'm not bisexual and yes she is, but that doesn't mean anything she just doesn't like men around her much that's all. What you don't trust me?"

"Nope, and I never will, you are a poor liar who thinks she's a great one. Your gay Annette, admit it, you will fu—anything, hell maybe even a dog. You never fooled me your full of sh--."

"Fu-- you Sebastian, I am a respectful lady of class let's just go get some drugs ok." Walking towards the front door I stopped in my tracks.

"Oh now it's about your crack habit you've developed, I thought we were going out to an early dinner."

"Forget dinner, you knew I needed you to go get drugs for me, why are you playing Sebastian? Yeah I'm a crack head bit-- but you love this good crack pus-- don't you? It's real good player. I took you from that little young ass Jasmine she didn't know how to throw that butt up in the air." I sat down in one of the small foldable cheap chairs I put around just to be comfortable.

"That's where your wrong I took you from your life and you sold your house and all your sh--, just to come get this good ass di--. Let us do, get it straight hoe, you ani't nothing but a trifling crack lying hoe, go ahead smoke your brains out, but I'm not getting you nothing. You want drugs you go cop them." Annette looked afraid and lit up a square sitting on the floor across from me.

"Sebastian please I heard enough, let's get the drugs I need a fix."

"Annette, no - you always by some secret coincidence meet someone who said this or that, and I can't meet him or her because the plan doesn't include me. Then try to play that innocent routine, can you really be that stupid? I told you out the gate I am not your fool I know what time it is bit--. All I can say is, you came to New York for nothing, don't go around wondering why you are not getting the relationship you want out of me. We have sex and you spend money from time to time that's it. Annette you a hoe you need to just hit the hoe stroll yeah the track and stop playing. Problem is a cracked out hoe is worthless to a pimp."

"Well maybe I will sell some twat since I am such a hoe anyway, but I won't be doing it for your ass. And you are hardly a pimp, not any more anyway. You a broke washed up use to be. I need to get high player, I will go find some product on my own if you won't help me, I am outta here." She got up and had her hand on the door knob as I spoke back.

"Annette if I wanted your busted old ass on the track you would be. A dumb chic like you wouldn't know a Presidential pardon, if the President himself, gave it to you. You are a fool, and fools loose quickly in the game of life." I stood next to her now looking into the Devils big wide eyes.

"So go do your dirt hoe, I know you can find a bike riding whoever to serve you. Suck a di-- and get it for all I care. You love that sh—anyway, hell eat a pussy. It is your secret pastime bit--, you think I don't know. And don't come back until you get some respect for game hoe. Smoke your brains out you no good slut crack head. You come up in here disturbing my thoughts with more nonsense."

"Whatever Sebastian I don't know why I love your ass, fu-- you."

"Yeah - me and everybody else, I think you did enough fu--ing for one lifetime don't you?" She left in tears after the tongue lashing, trying to switch what little ass she had left. I knew Annette had love for me. That wasn't the problem the problem was she had no love for herself. She let any and everybody get next to her. I copped a squat by the window in case she decided to return, as she often did. Back and forth with more drama, more drama, more drama. It seemed to never ever end. I was so glad she left but worried she would come back with the drugs, and drag me into it. I treated her like trash, I know I was wrong but I also had very weak resistance when I came to Annette. I went back to my thoughts again trying to forget her interruption. I lit up some good weed and I tried to remember where I was before she came. Oh yeah, Monique and her insecure behavior after the miscarriage, that's what I was thinking about. Drifting back off, it all came back to me – the end of the story.

I started to investigate Monique a little closer and found out she was still keeping in touch with her ex boyfriend Derrick. Twelve years of secret meetings lunches and sexcapades. In fact the last boyfriend she had right before me Cedric. They lasted six years together and he never even called her anymore, but this Derrick dude, and her were linked for life it would seem. He was the ultimate flame that she never got over; the bond between them was unbreakable. So that was why she was so jealous huh? I discovered the connection by popping up over her house more often. Usually I let a woman come see me, I hardly ever evade on female turf. But one day I came by her house and was in her bedroom relaxing with her. The phone rang and while speaking on it she acted real suspicious fumbling on all her answers and 'boom' just like that I knew she was holding out. I applied some needed pressure and she eventually told me bits and pieces of the truth came into play.

I was able to put it all together later on. It turns out Monique had got pregnant by Derrick at age sixteen, her mean old Church going mother didn't want to face the embarrassment and performed an old school hanger abortion. This explained why she couldn't carry a child onto this day. Thus the miscarriage we experienced and the extra tight bond with Derrick. I didn't really sweat it we were just about done anyway you put it - as far as I was concerned. She swore up and down that she never cheated on me with him. She admitted she did with many other men, but not on me, ever, 'whatever.' From what I learned in life, the last time a woman told the truth was when Jesus spoke to Mary Madeline at the water well, back in the Bible. She had been a whore or as the Bible says, a harlot, but had the decency to want to be honest and did so at that chance meeting moment before Jesus. Monique came by my house one day shortly after I knew about her secrets and I put her to the test, only to learn about other secret in the process.

"So you never cheated on me Monique huh, anyway what is your definition of cheating?"

"Well Sebastian I'm not stupid you know. I do realize I lied and that was unfair to you. You are a good man I will give you that, but I didn't cheat."

"You also didn't answer the question what is cheating to you? I guess lying isn't cheating." Monique sat fine as ever with her green eyes looking at me, giving me an automatic erection.

"Cheating is - come on you know what cheating is. It's when you sleep with someone, that's cheating Sebastian."

"I see, so if I was having lunch with my ex girlfriend and you had no idea about it, then I told you a lie instead of revealing it to you when you asked about my whereabouts, that's not cheating right?"

"No wait, hell no, no, no, no - that's cheating, if you out with another woman and you lying, then you are cheating."

"Wait a minute Monique, you just said cheating is only when you sleep with someone."

"Don't try to be funny man, you know what I mean."

"Yes, I know what you mean; it is only cheating when a man does it is that it?"

"I didn't say that Sebastian and you know it."

"Well then talking on the phone in secret is cheating too Monique. You lied then you cheated. You cheated on the one you were supposed to be true to out of valuable time."

"It is not, no Sebastian, the phone is different."

"Oh I see, so if I'm talking on the phone with my ex all the time and you don't know about it then that's ok."

"No it's not ok, that's, wait – you're trying to confuse me, wait - ok. It's kind of cheating, if you are being deceptive well you know what - can we change the subject please?"

"Sure let's do that, because like my Grandmother Bernice Bryant always told me; 'If you lie you will cheat, and if you cheat you will steal,' they are all three connected."

"I know that's right, grandma was a wise woman, and men, ha they always lie. Hey you, what you cooking up in their?"

"Monique, do you ever eat before you come by my house? I'm cooking up my thin cut steak and extra large shrimp, in a sauce tossed over buttered noodles. You have tasted it before; I make it all the time."

"I thought that smelled familiar, I love that dish. You are such a good cook Sebastian. How did you learn all these recipes?"

"Well I had no choice, it was either I cook, eat out or starve, because women nowadays don't seem to cook anymore."

"I know that's right! Hey, can you make some of those oven baked cookies. I love when you do those chocolate chips joints Sebastian? Hook a sister up man, please?"

"Only if you plan on hitting a brother off lovely before we eat, the food is finished but you need to step into my bedroom office girl."

"No, I am sorry buddy, we can't do that tonight. Aunt flow is in town, you know my monthly visitor. And I just got oral surgery two days ago so no mouth sex either baby. Unless you want the, naw well never mind that."

"What did you just say, hell yeah, I want that big ass, bring it here baby."

"No, way I was just kidding, I don't do anal sex Sebastian."

"And why not, I will take it slow and easy?" I saw the sexy interested look that now took over Monique's face, and I knew I hit the jackpot. She learned back on my bed and took off her shoes.

"Boy you crazy I tried it before and didn't like it and I said never again." The whole time she spoke, she made herself more comfortable on the bed, with sexy motions in her movements.

"Ok forget it you act like I'm forcing it on you, calm down sweetheart I was just saying it could be nice to try."

"Nice for who; you, while I am in pain? Besides my butt is to tight for all that meat you got between your legs mister."

"What this little guy, please he can slide right in with the right lubricant to handle the situation." Monique was such a freak she was taking off her sundress as we discussed it, revealing a nice brown teddy under the street wear.

"Oh yeah, lubricant huh, and where do you suppose we find that Sebastian?" she asked this question with wishful eyes, hoping I had the right answer.

"Glad you asked that baby because I just happen to have some handy in the top dresser draw."

"Oh you just happen to have some, let me see it?" I grabbed the lube and she examined the bottle with a green gleaming stare. I got even more aroused instantly knowing it was on and popping tonight, with a new flavor of play about to take place. She moved her feet together rubbing and squirming gently with a big fat grin.

"Well this is good lubricant, it could work but you do promise to go in slow?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry I will take it slow baby, promise now take that teddy off?"

"Ok but if I say stop you stop have to stop ok? Because I know I'm not going to like it, Sebastian I am only doing this for you not for me - you got it?"

"Oh yes I got it baby, just turn over and let me slap this love juice on."

"Love juice hell, my ass it's going to hurt I know it." Two minutes later I was grinding my extra large pistol deep into Monique's ass. It slid in went in with no real effort at all. It seemed the deeper I went the more she groaned and moaned. I thought months back to when she tried to stick a finger in my rear and realized it was indeed a hint all along. She was a secret anal lover, and she just never knew how to tell me.

"Oh daddy that feels so good I like it when you do it, oh yes give me more, harder daddy, harder."

"You want it harder, no problem you lying bit-- take that. You no good slut, more you shall have umm." That's when I found out Monique loved anal sex. So I did what any man in my position would have done. I slammed the shit out her ass till the room smelled like a dirty Zoo cage. I used every muscle in my body to pound her until the bed collapsed to the floor breaking the frame that held it up. Still going like a duracell battery two hours later she only begged for more, she loved it. No matter how hard I pumped, it only gave Monique more orgasms. My sheets were drenched with cum from her vaginal outbursts while steady I drilled for gold in her rear. In fact Monique had more orgasms over the next few weeks with anal sex then in our whole previous relationship. That no good lying slick ass chic, all this time hiding out the fact that she was an anal sex freak maniac. She would come over now with the lubricant in her hand every day. She didn't even want regular sex with me anymore.

What a mess that Church Choir Fed Ex hoe turned out to be. Once a man finds out a woman's deepest secrets, The Devil comes out of them and it's never the same. Women seem to go about life only happy if they can fool you. If they can't, they snap and bite like snarling snakes. Two months after we started the anal mania, Monique asked me if I knew anyone in the home improvement business. Her mother wanted new windows put into the house. I told her I didn't know anyone and she should try the paper. They found someone named Jeff and asked me to stop by now and then to check on him being that I worked mostly nights. About a week into the job I swung by her house and was surprised to see her car. I entered calling her name and got no response. As I climbed the stairs I heard her voice moaning the same way she did with me. In shock I stood at the top of the steps and saw Monique and Jeff having, yes anal sex in her bedroom. I was about ready to commit a homicide, so I left real quickly and went to my house to think it all over.

It was Friday September 7th 2001. Saturday and Sunday passed without me hearing from her and on Monday September10th 2001. I called her for some serious conversation. She said she was too busy to talk and hung up the phone on me. That was it, we were done, but I just couldn't believe the way it went down. Tuesday September 11th 2001, I was up early after getting no sleep all night tossing and turning. My phone rang it was 8:15am and the weirdest thing happened. Someone who sounded like Lucy, John the car thief's cousin shouted -'today's your day and then they laughed at me,' and hung up. A few minutes later I was drinking a cup of coffee and glancing at the TV. Some live news about some plane that was off track then - 'bam.' I saw the first plane hit The Twin Towers. Problems came crashing down for many in New York, death and much destruction it was too much to even think over lightly.

The part of the story I'm leaving out is I had most of my savings invested in a concert event I was throwing for that same weekend. Over forty thousand dollars between the artists contract deposits, the radio ads, the flyers the event venue and oh yes the airline tickets. I got smashed for a major lost because no one went out in New York for months. You never get that kind of money back. I should have had promoters insurance and that was a sign I forgot to mention. One day I was with Monique out to eat in City Island. Let me tell you out of nowhere an old lady walked up to our table and looked me dead in the eye, then spoke these words; 'you don't promote the world the world promotes you, if you plan to keep this kind of company young man, insure yourself – you need insurance.' That should have been 'Sign #Run!'

I felt terrible for all the lost lives of 9-11 but I lost all my money and it hurt believe me it hurt bad. To top it all off, no gigs no Clubs, no work for a Deejay. Monique knew all this information and never even called to check on me, to see if I was even alive. I needed a hug real bad, you know a simple vote of confidence or, man something. I mean she was supposed to be the Godly one right? Instead my memories of Monique go with The Twin Towers being destroyed, and my money lost in the midst of it all. Added with the laughing voice of 'Lucy' who kept popping up in my life like a wicked Witch from nowhere, I saw her walking by my house in a hooded cloak, across the street the day I sold my Corvette, I am sure of it. Monique turned her back on me and moved on, perfect timing just perfect. I had a few strange relationships in my life but nothing like what was coming. I had now entered the Twilight Zone. No man is strong forever, and Samson's hair had just been cut.

I was depressed and started drinking hard core again. First came the beer, then the wine, then the heavy alcohol. After all those years of living right with a sip here or there, I just slipped into oblivion and couldn't get over the whole Lemony Snicket's, the series of unfortunate events. What a crazy ending to a relationship I prayed would be the one. I guess your right hand to fellowship doesn't excuse the left hand to fellatio. So much for the holy sanctified Church girls. I should have listened to the signs that came along with her. I never saw or heard from Monique again onto this day, Goodbye Monique the anal, analyst, its curtains.

**Chapter 12 Sandy from Saint Croix** **(the virtuous woman)**

Matthew 7:12-14 {the golden rule} therefore, whatever you want one to do. To you do also to them for this is the Law of Moses and the teachings of the Prophets. Go in through the narrow gate because the gate to hell is wide and the road that leads to it easy and there are many who travel it. The gate to life is narrow and the way is hard and there are few who find it.

I met the beautiful lovely Sandy right around Monique's miscarriage. I was sitting at a red light midday listening to some slow jams when out the corner of my eye I saw her waving. I rolled down the window and said;

"Hi, do I know you?"

"No, but I know you, everybody does, Deejay Bashing Sounds right?"

"Yeah, that's me baby, how are you doing today?"

"I'm fine just waiting on this slow bus to come."

"Jump in sweetheart where are you going, I will take you anywhere you need to be?"

"Well my mother told me to never ride with strangers."

"I'm not a stranger remember I'm your favorite Deejay."

"Ok Mr. Sebastian, pull over I'm coming."

I pulled over with a style and easy groove that would make the President's wife, (The First Lady of the United States of America) comfortable about stepping up and riding with me. I got out, gentlemen style and opened the passenger door for her. After getting back in the driver's side I looked at miss pretty sister from the bus stop and said;

"Oh so you know my real name as well, I see you do your homework."

"Yes, I do, ok to tell you the truth; I have wanted to meet you for some time now. I come out to Clubs all the time and here you play. The Metro Arena mainly, where you put on a clinic for many of the amateurs. You know I hope you don't take this the wrong way but you are the best Deejay I ever heard bless a set of turntables. You be rocking all the right jams, I can depend on it being, hot in the spot night after night."

"Well thank you, and no I'm not taking it the wrong way I appreciate the compliment. Next time come to the Deejay booth and holler at me."

"Ok Sebastian, I've tried to get up there but you got so many groupies politicking for position, I just kind of sit back and chill. Hey, question can you do me a favor and put me and my sister on the guest list this week, isn't Little Kim performing Friday?"

"Yeah, I got you Ma, baby what's your name anyway?"

"Sandy, just put down Sandy from St. Croix."

"The Virgin Islands huh, a lot of good people are from there I tell you?"

"Yes like me hee, hee, oh I'm going to work in New Hyde Park, I hope you don't mind."

"No its fine Sandy, my sons mother Ashley is from St. Thomas."

"Oh yeah why are you and her not together now."

"She's a good woman she just wanted to move upstate and I wasn't ready for that."

"Upstate, oh no you can't Deejay much there, what in some backyard party maybe, please not you hee, hee, what's you sons name?"

"His name is Joshua, why don't you drive Sandy; don't tell me you are afraid?"

"No, I just never took my road test. I was spoiled and chauffeured all my life but I have a road test finally coming up soon. Then I can buy me a nice car, not as nice as this Benz, but something nice." Sandy went to school at Hofstra University and also worked for her Mother who owned a law firm in New Hyde Park. She was well off; money was no issue with her. Sandy was fine by any man's standards. She had that whole Caribbean thing working for her and her aura told it all she was not a slut that was evident. In fact she was very nice and well mannered. At twenty-five years old she had that smooth buttermilk complexion with thick naturally red juicy lips. Her smile lit up like sunshine on her small round face. She wore a jet-black weave, which is not my style, but it looked good on her. She was five foot two and maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet with thirty-four C cups and no waist line what so ever.

The only thing I didn't like that much was she had no big butt for me to brag about. She was born with a small white girl behind, plumb but small. I have always been into big butts so I was disappointed and I must admit her laugh 'hee hee, hee, hee,' irritated me deeply. It reminded me of Susan the gypsy. We became friends and it was clear that Sandy was a good girl. It was also clear that she had a School girls crush on me. She now got the star treatment at the Clubs rolling in with me. We hadn't slept together yet, but we were flirting with the idea. So after the Monique break up and the horrible 9-11 attack, who calls to make sure I was all right, Sandy of course. She came over to me by bus right away and cooked me nice meals, cleaned and just took care of me in my days of mourning. Hey let me make this clear Sandy was a gift from God, a precious jewel. And the way I treated her was terrible. I may never be forgiven for it, I was totally wrong. Why do we treat the good ones bad, and the bad ones good? We want the ones who don't want us and don't want the ones who really do care. It makes no sense, what the hell is wrong with us humans? This woman adored me loved me and worshipped the ground I walked on. She submitted to me fully, most of all never told a single lie not even a small one. Monique wasn't half the woman Sandy was, yet my mind was trapped in thinking of her all day and night.

Sandy and I became romantically involved she would spent days at my house at a time. Sex with Sandy wasn't the freaky crazy stuff but it was good and decent. I just missed the anal blasting Monique had hooked me onto. This is one of the Devils tricks. He makes you fall for cheap metal, while passing up gold treasures. It is somewhat like the Dr. Psychologist who spends too much time with his patients, and then becomes one of them himself. I was lost and blind, heading nowhere fast. After Sandy had been there for me routinely for a good month or so, I remember kicking her out. I was just treating her real bad.

"Sandy you have to understand I need my space. I told you over and over you don't get it, I can't operate with you all up under me like this."

"Ok Sebastian you need some space, but you wake me up at nine thirty on a Saturday morning to tell me this. That's not you needing space, that's crazy. It is Saturday morning we should just be in bed relaxing together. Sandy was upset and her voice rose into a high pitch when she was this way.

"Why did you come get me last night then Sebastian? For sex then you want me to leave in the morning. I am so tired of this you pull this crap on me all the time."

"No baby, look I got some business I need to take care of early. You would just be in the way Sandy. You know I have to get my life back on track, business is terrible and I'm going broke."

"I know Sebastian, I'm your biggest fan you know that and I am not just talking about the Deejay thing. I mean you, the man. I believe in you brother. I can just stay here until you get back baby I will cook us a nice meal and clean up this place."

"You don't get it, I need to work right here on the computer in total silence. I can't ask you to be as quiet as a mouse meanwhile I work here for hours and hours. Its best you just leave for now, we can hook up later." I sat at my desk and started to turn everything on to make my plot more believable.

"Ok Sebastian just drop me back off home, I feel so stupid I just left there a few hours ago."

"I would take you home but I'm busy, just take the bus Sandy. When are you getting a car, you think I am a taxi service I see?" She looked at me like I was a crazy man and lost my mind.

"What! The bus, you want me to take the bus, it's raining outside Sebastian. You are so damn mean to me. Why do you treat me so bad, what have I done wrong to you Sebastian?"

"You act like you will melt or something Sandy. A little water never hurt anyone. You came by bus or train when you first wanted to get with me. Rain or shine you came to me, now you are too good for the bus all of a sudden. You always want door to door service. What am I your limo driver? Get your sh-- and get to stepping, we can hook up later. A man can't even have any peace in his own home. What is the world coming too?"

"Peace! Now I'm a problem to you is that it? Alright goodbye and let me tell you something, I may be young and in love but I am not stupid you know, I get the message loud and clear." Sandy grabbed her overnight bag and stormed out the house. She was very angry with me.

"Yeah, whatever, later Sandy and don't slam my door like that."

I will never forget the tears rolling down her pretty cheeks as she left. Sandy was good to me, fact is, much too good for me at the time. She cried outside my door just standing there under the house as the rain poured down that Saturday morning. An hour later after I had showered and had my breakfast, I could still hear her whimpering outside, she never left. I opened the door and let her back in feeling sorry for her. I tried to hold her in my arms as best I could. I calmed her down that day, but only to do it to her again and again on many other occasions. My world was destroyed and the brightest star one could ask for shows up right in front of my eyes.

But Monique's actions and the heavy alcohol had clouded my vision. I couldn't or just wouldn't see the big picture. I failed to realize the blessing sandy was. In fact I started to avoid her and around Christmas time. I didn't even get her a single gift. I was fairly low on cash working only here or there anyhow, even the mail order business was terrible no CD sales, nothing. If not for the money I had owed to me and the sale of my Corvette I would have been flat broke. Selling that car was hard but I needed the Cash to pay bills. The Benz had already been repossessed by now. Without A car outside it was easy not to answer the door when Sandy showed up. I knew I was wrong and kind of wanted her to move on and find the love of her life she deserved. I had at least that much decency left inside me I just couldn't string her along anymore, she was too good of a woman. I was busy drowning my sorrows with drinks and began to play like sh-- when I did get a half paying Deejay gig. The groupies I would never even touch on the way up, now became my bedmates, on the way down. My standards dropped tremendously and it annoyed my spirit and soul. I can go on and on about the many times I did Sandy wrong but the bottom line is it kills me to even remember it all. The New Year came and went, and by springtime 2002 Sandy had her license and a brand new car. A nice blue Honda Accord, and now I was the one on the bus. I guess life is funny that way I wound up the one needing a ride from her. Wow what a turn of events, the joke was on me now.

Sandy never gave up on me, even after knowing that I was sleeping around with other women that looked half as good as she did. Maybe she knew I was suffering from low self esteem, maybe she just remembered the better days when I was on top of the world before 9-11. Or maybe she just really loved me like that, but I didn't love myself much at that time so I still rejected her to no end.

Sometimes Sandy just acted too childish, and totally dependent upon me; However, I must admit that sometimes I just used her because she was present and willing to go for it all. I remember one time, I had a job to do in Manhattan. Some Deejay scratches and cuts on an upcoming artist. I asked Sandy to drive me into the city. It turned out to be an overnight thing and she couldn't stay. I mean artist are funny people and they don't take kindly to uninvited guest in the studio hearing all their secret recordings. So I was forced to have to send her home alone.

"Hey Sandy, I really apologize for having to send you home alone, but you know where the Midtown Tunnel is right? Just go straight down until you see Thirty-Sixth Street then make a right. After that you will see the signs for it baby its easy. Come on Ma; please stop crying you're a big girl now?" She looked afraid and alone as she sat behind the wheel in the Big Apple.

"Sebastian you expect me to drive home from Manhattan all the way to Long Island by myself for the first time. I just got my license a few months ago, have some consideration. We came together we should leave together. Plus you drove the car here not me. If I knew you would pull this crap I would have stayed at home."

"Look I know what you are saying, but this is work and I had no idea they wanted me to stay at the studio all night, what do you want me to do lose the job?"

"I know your right I'm just scared a little that's all, plus I thought we would spend a quiet night together, cuddling up."

"Look here baby take my house keys go to my crib and soon as I can I will be there for that cuddling ok?" I handed her my keys and saw new strength and confidence enter into her eyes.

"Really you are giving me your house keys? Wow what's gotten into you honey, not you getting soft on me, are you hee, hee, hee? I can find the Tunnel myself baby I'm fine, I drive on the highway all the time, and besides I have your cell phone number if I get lost and need any directions."

"That's my baby girl give me a kiss? And don't be answering my home phone either, just watch TV or something."

"What, I can answer it if I want to, because none of those tramps you mess with are as important as me, I am the one right, Sebastian please tell me that I am?"

"Yes baby I don't have to tell you that you already know it. Now get out of here before it gets too late, I don't want anything to happen to my star lady." I watched Sandy pull off into traffic knowing she was afraid and gullible. I justified the fact that I had to give her some hope to make it home, in order to make myself feel better about it. I had to gas her up for that hour drive so she would be in the right frame of mind. I really didn't care about Sandy very much. Guess I just didn't know how to be with someone so fragile after so much drama in my own world. No wait a minute, that's bullsh-- I did care about sandy in fact I loved her deep down inside. Looking back I did do my best, but I don't think my best was anywhere near good enough, for one of Gods favorite Angels. And then things got even worse.

Sandy kept trying to move in with me after I lent her the keys that night. She spoke of marriage and all the little hints that woman throw at you. I remember having my son for a few weeks in July. Sandy was more than eager to baby-sit anytime while I worked. I was doing a private function in West Babylon at this girl name Traci's house. Traci threw a big summer jam every year and always hired me to play. We were born on the same day so she would tell people I was her big brother.

At Traci's party I met a woman named Rio, whose mother and father owned a local Church. Rio and Traci were friends from Church, and Traci said that Rio wanted to meet me. Traci was married and very respectful as a woman but Rio looked a little suspect. I had been well trained after the Monique encounters and knew what that whole Church girl thing really meant nothing, unless you really are celibate and truly not involved with fornication. I know there are good Church women out there, but Rio wasn't one of them. I started having sex with Rio, and went for the backside early in the game. Full throttle anal right away, she was a freak and loved it, we saw each other a few more times. I had been steady shaking off Sandy like a bad habit. I was spending less and less time with her. One day Rio was over my house we were right in the middle of some hot sex on a platter when out of the blue, Sandy popped up.

"Open the door Sebastian I know you are in there I can hear the music playing, you cheater. What you got a girl in your bed again, don't you? Answer me you no good lying ass man. You are not right Sebastian, I love you open the door, please Sebastian please don't do this to me, I love you Sebastian, please no more cheating with tramps I can't take this anymore."

Sandy cried as usual outside my door for hours. I continued to sex Rio's rear end like I didn't even care. Rio had Ministers for parents, yet still didn't seem to mind me dogging Sandy out the way I did. As long as I kept stroking her in the ass, she kept coming over. We sealed a deal with Satan based on that insane behavior, but man Sandy just would not go away. She stayed outside until Rio left my house six hours later. Then she quietly knocked on my door again and came inside. The place smelled like butt, I was getting my revenge on Monique I suppose by sodomizing Rio. Sandy sat down by the door and said nothing for a long time. No tears no words absolutely nothing, just staring at me like I was the lowest trash on earth.

Finally after twenty minutes she stood up turned around and just walked out. I knew the final curtain was near on that day, and after that incident I didn't hear from her again for a good two months. When she finally did get in touch with me she told me she realized we needed space and should just be friends until later on. Whatever that meant, I left it alone and just went along with it. I was happy to gain my freedom. Oh yes sweet freedom how nice, but once again, freedom isn't free and never has been. We all pay a price for it, a heavy price. Goodbye Sandy from St. Croix, its curtains baby--- until?

**Chapter 13 Jasmine's promise**

Judges: 16: 4-5 Afterward it happened that Samson loved a woman in the valley named Delilah. The Lords and philistines came upon her and said to her, "entice him, and find out where his great strength lies and by what means we may overpower him that we may bind and afflict him; and every one of us will make you rich.

It was mid November 2002 and light snow was coming down and a white blanket covered the ground. I walked slowly towards my house enjoying the pretty flakes with a six-pack of Heineken Beer in a bag wondering what to do next with my life. Maybe the music business life was not for me anymore. Perhaps I should go get a day job selling vacuums or something. I was somewhat confused; plus I still missed Monique more than a year later. Sandy was history now, well sort of anyway. She wasn't really my type of girl to begin with. I took the last drag from my cigarette, tossed it into the snow and fumbled for my keys to open my door. I stepped in just as Rio emerged butt naked from the bathroom. Man Rio had some curves on her, I got horny all over again.

"What's good baby you feel better after that shower don't you? I got some cold beer you thirsty?"

"Yes Sebastian, thank you, shoot, any woman would feel better after the way you just banged me silly. Oh yes you are the best you know, you just hit the history books with this sex baby, for real." Rio looked ok, nothing special worth describing she had female parts and curves that's all I cared about I guess. She was taller than me by a few inches so we never went out anywhere. It was always just about sex between the two of us. She was right I had been backed up for weeks and on that day gave her a four-hour workout she would never forget. Her legs were still shaking and she could hardly stand up as she began to get dressed.

"Whenever you are ready I will walk you to your car Rio."

"Uh huh, just give me a second baby. What got into you today, and when can I come back for some more of the same treatment?"

"Well you were just looking extra good in those jeans sister. I had to handle my business."

"And handle it you did Sebastian, handle it you did. Wow, I think I'm going home and sleeping until next week for real." I walked her out to her car knowing she was all too happy to use me for sex, we both understood this. She was like a ship just passing in the night for one day, never to return to these waters again. That day would be the last encounter for us anyway, because soon as we got to her car, I saw Heaven on Earth. 'No way,' I thought it's not possible as a fine chocolate delight jumped out a VW and was headed towards my house. I couldn't stop looking at this goddess she was shaped so incredible with a slow graceful glide. Rio tapped me on the shoulder and said; "Hello what am I chopped liver here, remember me?"

"Oh my bad, I will see you later Rio get home safely."

"I will do that and hey, I can't front man, that woman is fine I don't blame you for looking at her. How God blessed her so much more than us common girls it is beyond me. Lord if I had her ass for just one day. What a body she has - whew, forgive me Father. Good luck Sebastian, you got your hands full there buddy" We both could not stop staring at this unreal body now ringing the upstairs bell at my house.

"Yeah Rio she's fine, listen I will call you later I have to go now."

"Uh huh, I bet you do, and I can see why, later Sebastian. Rio started her car up and then rolled down the window.

"Man why can't I be built like that? Hey If you pull off getting this lady let me know, I would love to come back to lick some of that pus-- myself?"

"Ok Rio that's way too much information, time for me to go, later you freak."

"No I'm just saying look at her, she is the perfect woman specimen. It not like I am gay Sebastian, it's just a simple case of seeing a fine lady and hey, Sebastian don't walk away from me. You are a rude man, later forget it, God." I was walking across the street back to my place by now. "Don't use God's name in vain baby, see - yah." It was time for me to find out who this incredible Goddess was here to see. I fell in love with Jasmine on sight; she was everything a man could ever want in a woman. Jasmine was barely a woman at twenty four years young but I just had to have her. I forgot about Monique instantly - 'at once.' That should have been a warning sign for me to pay attention too. Jasmine was way too built to be human. I should've ran for my life. Maria, Dr. Watson and all the others were nowhere near as stacked. You think I would've learned by now. Her stomach was like; well what stomach hers was not flat it was concave. And her ass, man you could sit the whole row of drinks on her ass not just one. She was an Amazon cutie for real.

I had seen some bad woman in my day and had more than my fare share, but Jasmine took the cake. She was the finest of them all, 'the show stopper.' Her coffee brown complexion was flawless. Her teeth white as snow at 5ft 9 she wore a size two with all those bug wide hips protruding, can you believe it? Her legs were muscular and juicy like Serena Williams. I watched very close as her and another girl who didn't even exist to me at this time, entered into my man Malcolm's place upstairs. Turns out he was having a little get together; I went back into my apartment and started to clean up my mess. I still could picture her unreal beauty in my mind, when Malcolm knocked on my door.

"Yo' Sebastian what's up man, listen I need some more liquor you got any?"

"Not really kid, just a six pack of beer, but it's still early you can catch the spot before they close."

"I know I just sent my man, I got way to many girls upstairs son. It is on and popping tonight."

"Yeah, I saw that little Coco delight that just walked in a while back."

"You must mean Jasmine, yeah she's fine as hell, but stuck up as well. The only reason I invited her was for her friend to come along, I been hitting her friend for a few months. Hey, but if you want to meet Jasmine I will introduce you, I know you got game Sebastian but nobody ever scores with her. She is from France yo' if you can pull this off and keep her busy for me; you're my hero for real for real."

"Well now that you put it that way, hell yeah I want to meet her. Just let me clean up a minute."

"Alright, just holler upstairs whenever you ready." I did the quick once over and sprayed the crib down freshly. I did the walls, the kitchen and even the closet. Man I think I may have freshened up the yard before I met this beautiful work of art. I prepared some of my best music choices to set the aphrodisiac atmosphere into motion. Then I called up to Malcolm and he sent her down to meet me. I watched Jasmine appear slowly down the steps and enter my honey haven. All my traps were in place and she was prey for the hunter, who was about to pull every trick in the book ever written to get my hands on her. Malcolm spoke first; "Sebastian this is Jasmine, say hi to her, she into music and even sings a little."

"Really that's good, nice to meet you Jasmine I was in the middle of this mix that I'm working on right now, you have to excuse me if I seem a little distant."

"That's fine, nice to meet you to Sebastian, I heard you had a studio set up down here, this is really nice. Do you mind if I sit in and listen for a little while? That's really not my crowd upstairs."

"Well, I guess so why not, long as you don't need too much attention, because I would hate to be rude."

"No, do your work Sebastian I'm fine."

"Well a blind man could see that baby, fine you are indeed." Jasmine smiled and took a seat on my couch while I fined tuned the mix, yeah the fake mix. I really could care less about the mix at that moment, but I played her along like a piano, key by key. After I faked it through some of my best work for a good half hour, I knew I had her full attention. That's when I pretended to get producers block, you know like writers block, same thing.

"Man I'm stuck here baby, oh well I'm taking a break. You think it sounds ok Jasmine?"

"Sounds unbelievable to me, what's wrong with it, Sebastian?"

"It needs more flavor, you don't understand."

"Well I guess your right only you know what you are looking for. But I can tell you this much, you have incredible talent from what I just heard."

"Yeah well let me introduce you to an artist bound to come up on the market soon, Smooth Sam." I put the track on and Jasmine smiled as his lyrics rang out of my enormous stereo system. She was so beautiful I had a hard time not staring at her as we talked over some white wine. I ran down the best bullsh-- I ever came up with in my life as she gleamed in fascination. After gaining her trust she spilled out her life story to me and all its hardships. Told me how growing up in France was tuff for her and her family. The French accent her body language the wine and music all made the moment magical. We talked all night till the sun rose then finally fell asleep in each other's arms.

Sunday afternoon when I woke up, it was all so special. Jasmine slept so quietly fully clothed, it was like the moment in Waiting To Exhale, with Wesley Snipes and Angela Bassett dressed but holding on tight in a tender moment of ecstasy. Yes sir, it was just like that. I started to see Jasmine all the time, and things were beautiful. We had so much in common and believed in the same values in life. She was young and I told myself don't get too involved, but three months later when she needed a place to stay. I let her move in with me, 'Big Mistake.' She claimed that her roommates were moving and she couldn't afford the high rent alone. The same day she settled in my place, Jasmine made a promise I will never forget.

"Sebastian I know you have had history with other women, and many have let you down, but I promise you, I am not one of them. I will always love you Sebastian, no other man could ever be for me or love me, and plus have so much in common as you and I do. I know I'm young but trust me my soul is old and stable. I know what I want in life and I know you complete me. So I promise you, 'my heart forever,' Sebastian, I pledge my all to you here and now."

"Well baby that's a lot to swallow, let's take it one day at a time and see what happens."

"You can take it how you want to sweetheart, but I know my promise will hold true forever, I promise you Sebastian, I love you for life."

"I hear you, Jas, we just have to wait and see what the cards hold in store for us. One never knows these things." I ran into Sandy at a Club I was playing at one night while Jasmine was there with me. It was an awkward moment for real. I had men admiring me from every angle, two beautiful women snarling for my attention. Jasmine clearly was the people's choice. Almost every man I know could understand that decision. I mean Sandy was fine and nothing to sneeze at, but Jasmine was super, super, super, super fine, and built to death. That night luckily went on smoothly without any real complications. I called Sandy anyway the next day and we hooked up for lunch at Panera's.

"Hey sandy excuse me for being late I forgot how to get here. I drove past it two times before I recalled it sat back in the cut invisible from the highway."

"Yes well it seems you forgot a lot of things lately, and I am apparently one of them." I sat down in the nicely lit up restaurant and got ready for the contest I was sure Sandy was about to bring to the table.

"Don't start with your fine self, you know I care for you deeply Sandy."

"Yeah, ok whatever since you are late, I took the liberty and ordered your favorite food here Sebastian, the broccoli and cheddar soup with a sandwich on cheese bread."

"You remember that huh? Thank you I'm impressed."

"Remember, how could I forget, I love you mister? You just always pushed me away. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. I only wished to love you with all my heart and maybe one day become, your wife."

"That's all, it huh, sounds like a lot to me." The place was pretty much empty and we had a great booth with an incredible view. I looked around trying to find the proper words for this awkward situation.

"You would say that I wanted too much Sebastian, you always did. Anyway who's the Amazon body chic you were with last night? Miss flawlessly proportioned, I hope you know it never works out with those deformed by mystery types. I mean, I have guy's everywhere going after me, so I know I am not lunch meat. I would say I am a good solid nine or ten anywhere in this world but she was a freak of nature. That bit-- was deformed you know it, no normal women are shaped like that. Nobody is that, that, awww forget it. She has a hell of a body but her face was ugly. She resembles a chimpanzee he, he."

"Wait a minute, ugly, wow, Sandy why does she have to be a bit—and ugly on top of that? I admit Jasmine is an exceptional young lady, but she can't help that, she was born with her looks. Don't hate, she has very nice facial features."

"Oh, Jasmine how sweet, well she wasn't born with you, so what's the deal Sebastian are you serious about her?"

"Eat your food Sandy, it's getting cold, I love this place it's so laid back you know, and look at this view."

"Don't even try to change the subject mister. I asked you a question what going on."

"Well you know, we have been apart for a minute now, and I met Jasmine, and I am feeling her. We are kind of serious I guess."

"Ok well I wish you the best, I hope she doesn't mind us staying friends and hanging out once in a while. Oh by the way I want to come by next week so make me some time. I got a new recipe and would like to cook for you, this fabulous surprise chicken."

"Well that's sort of the reason I called you here today Sandy. You see I have something to tell you." She dropped her sandwich on the plate and stared at me wondering just what I would say next.

"Well spit it out Sebastian, tell me what's really good."

"Jasmine moved in with me recently, she needed a place to stay and I let her come stay with me."

"WHAT! You moved that bit-- that stranger, in your house. Do you even know her? I couldn't stay over there for the weekend, but she can move in. Are you serious you no good pig."

"Hold on calm down Sandy it's not like that at all, I just." At that moment I felt hot soup hit me as it was thrown all over my clothes. I had it coming to me I suppose, after all the things I put Sandy through. She stormed out and vowed to never speak to me again, and honestly I haven't heard from her at all till this day.

Two weeks later Jasmine was complaining about the size of the apartment. One month later she was out of work. I had heard about a radio spot in New Orleans and had a real good chance of getting it because of a friend I knew who was connected there. He was a top executive in charge of hiring Deejays for Clear Channel. He sent me a letter of intent to hire, so I packed up my life and moved across country with Jasmine. New York had not much business after 9 -11 anyway so why not. It was mid May when we arrived. I rented a real nice two bedroom town house on the out skits of the city. Jasmine was so happy to have a fly place with picture windows, that's all she seemed to care about. I tried to help her find work while I did what I had to do too restart my career. That's when I began to see that she was more into being cared for, than any type of teamwork.

Sex with Jasmine was never anything to brag about, in fact it was some of the lousiest sex I ever had in my life. I figured she was young and would loosen up in time. So I tried not to push it on her too much. Truthfully, Jasmine was 'A' sexual she wasn't into sex at all. Built for sex yes, but not into having it, go figure. It sucked for both of us, yet she wound up pregnant in July, how? Don't ask me we hardly had any intercourse. The sex was terrible yet she got pregnant. Jasmine was more into herself than anyone or anything else. Every hair, nail and facial detail had to be pampered to perfection. She was beautiful and could have modeled for any magazine but was way- way -way too busy complimenting herself to ever succeed at anything major. To busy downing everyone else, too busy comparing everything, personalities, looks and talents. It became apparent that she felt like, only her and her people or her culture had anything to be proud of. This was disappointing to find out after moving her ass all that distance across country.

I began to feel trapped and wished I never got involved with such a young woman. Jasmine's family never liked me much anyway, I was too old for her they said, too broke, not good enough American etc, etc, etc. Jasmines family was clearly stuck up. I never understood why some of these foreigners move to the United States for all the opportunities here and then claim to be so much better than us. Especially the black foreigners, don't they realize we are all the same. Black Americans had no choice, we were born here and if not for us and all we have done and accomplished. They would have no opportunities or reason to come here in the first place. The Martins and Malcolm's, paved the way here. All the black Hollywood Stars, writers, inventors, sports players and even rappers for that matter have opened up million dollar positions and dreams here. That anyone white or black can believe in, but surely blacks from anywhere. Be it France, Africa, Jamaica, the Bahamas or where ever. Black Americans are the reason any of them even come here, our success is their belief platform that they can also succeed here. Yet they have the nerve to claim some superior cultural ethics, man please for those ignorant ones who act that way I say go back to your own country and make it with your superior ass.

At first jasmine acted like she didn't care what they thought, her family that is. She claimed she was secure with her choice but slowly she changed right into them. Yes she went from Sweet Clementine into The Nightmare On Elm Street. I knew after Jasmine I would never trust love again, she was a woman's last chance for me. My last ditch effort at being a square, in this society. After a man gets everything he could possibly want in a woman, and that fails, what else is there, what hope is left? So I tried hard to be patient with her, and make things work. New Orleans was make it or break it for us. Custards Last Stance at the love dance. I knew if we left there I would not be taking her back to New York with me. Jasmine wasn't a big fan of New York anyway and her family liked it even less. The truth is people who are not familiar with NYC only see what the news plays it up to be and they receive a one sided picture. Her family lived a stone's throw outside of the killer city of Philadelphia and acted all high sadity. Please I was living in the world famous richest suburb in the country, Long Island. Where houses range from four hundred thousand to fifteen million and they were afraid of the New York crime.

Like Philly was a safe place to live, you know ignorance is bliss, and they had plenty of it. Jasmines family made things bad by the minute calling and filling her head with constant fear and stories of drama. Had I known they would be such a factor in our relationship, there never would have been - a relationship. Her sisters, mother and uncles wanted her to marry this guy Phillip she grew up near in France who now also lived in Philly. Plillip from Philly, I guess it has a ring to it. We had discussed this because she swore she hated him as a man but liked him as a friend and stated she could never ever, never ever be with him. He always longed for her but never succeeded at his advances.

"Why do they keep calling you about Phillip? What he's doing and how good his life is and how he misses you. What's the deal Jasmine they hate me or something I am the one taking care of you out here." Jasmine couldn't look me in the eye when she responded that day, this was new.

"They do not hate you Sebastian, they just want me to be happy."

"Happy, so where were they when you needed a place to stay, needed food to eat if they are so concerned?" I sat in the beautiful living room of the plush town house overlooking the city. Jasmine in the kitchen cooking up one of her home town dishes that she loved to make.

"I don't know, what they want, don't worry about it baby, my family is like that. I told you, don't ever let The Devil come between us. Phillip is not my type at all, no way not in this lifetime."

"I hear you, well you need to stand up to your family and tell them to mind their business." She stood at the living room door with her growing stomach hanging over her sweat pants. A small grin was on her face but I knew she was losing interest in me for some reason or another.

"You are a grown woman, on your own and making your own decisions. As long as you let them interfere with your life, they will. I say take a stand because I feel the frustration, it is affecting you. I know you love your family we all do, but until you show them you are sure about your life they will continue to try to control it for you. Here we are trying to make it- you are with child now we don't need this Jasmine." She rubbed her belly feeling the curves and life growing inside.

"I know I will let them know in my own time Sebastian, don't you worry."

"Don't worry, how could I possibly not worry at a time like this? I am in deep new territory as you well you know."

The radio station was stalling on ever giving me the job. Turns out my friend or what I thought was my friend, turned out to be plain and simply full of sh--. More envious of me he turned out to be then trying to help me. He also spun a few records here or there but couldn't hold down a radio position due to his lack of skills. He would make major mistakes every time he played anywhere. If he was ever on a live air slot he would be the laughing stock of the world. So now he was holding me back like a jealous little child. Player hating, I pondered on breaking his neck, but decided not to do it to the little weasel. I considered staying in New Orleans anyway and just try to Deejay around town connecting myself with the local Clubs. I did exactly that for a while until one day I came home early from the fulltime job sanding floors I took on just to survive. Walking in the house I overheard Jasmine secretly speaking to Phillip on the telephone. Unaware of my presence I listened as he pleaded for her to leave me, come back to Philly and have the baby. I felt her weakening under his and her family's insistence. Jasmine once said; 'never let The Devil come between us.' She had forgotten her own words. As I continued to listen, I felt somber, so sad deep down inside. I knew then that Jasmine promise meant nothing. She never agreed to leave me, but did explore the possibilities of returning home with them on the phone that day. That was enough for me, I was no longer willing to fight for her love and that night I totally stopped believing in love, period. Times were tuff yes I admit, but that's life and no excuse for anyone to take the easy way out.

I was soon to break my promise to my Mother, knowing nothing else but the pimp game. I was beaten and defeated, kicked while already down hurt, torn and exhausted. I felt like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. My feet were sore from wandering The Earth. Jasmine turned out to be nothing more than a sophisticated gold digger looking for male provisions. If I had landed that radio job and was able to care for her fully, and play her singing demos on air or get her the record deal she so desperately wanted. Phillip who claimed to have some nonsense music connections would have never even been a factor. I spiritually detached from her seeing right through it all, and the physical detachment was soon to follow. I admit she sang like and star, but she made moves like a serpent. I could go on forever thinking about the way she cooked up delicious meals that made the whole neighborhood smell good. Or the beautiful way she walked around like a ballerina on her toes, her smile, and her cute laugh when she was happy. How men marveled over her when we were together and gave me the nod or handshake or wink of approval etc, etc. But the water in my eyes swells and clouds up my vision when I think about her for too long. So fu-- you I am skipping a lot of details.

The bottom line is, I wanted out, she broke her promise and I didn't want to remember her that way. I made plans to move back to New York. Jasmine was about six months pregnant and I was extremely starved for sex in New Orleans. So I went out one night looking for it, that was the night I met Annette. Now The Devil had really come between us. Someone once said; 'we are all guilty, we are all responsible no 1, is to blame,' how very true that statement is. After starting my affair with Annette I came home to our beautiful condo and drank a six pack wondering why it all went down this way. I drank and drank returning to the store three times. Sitting in my plush kitchen with all the modern stainless steel equipment I looked in awe at how nice a place I put Jasmine in. How wonderful of a place I had provided for a woman who couldn't even hold a job. Beautiful wall to wall carpet all around with a big fireplace, central air, and private parking. A buzz in security gate and all, she was laced for a young girl. I had been over to her family's house and it was nothing like this.

I went upstairs only to find that Jas sleeping, I stared at her body for hours, savoring the beauty of her and my unborn child. At the time we didn't know it was going to be twins. I did; however, know the time was near where I would never feel her against my body again. I laid down next to her that night, only to get pushed away. I crawled up in a ball alone, knowing it was all over, the story of my life. Sampson's hair was cut by Monique, but this was the part where the pillars began to fall, the part where he could no longer hold up to the kind of strength and success he always had. For the first time since Maria years ago, I cried and cried deep sobs, and real men - I thought don't cry. I didn't understand anything in life and always believed I knew so much. The thing is - it was about to get even worse, I had met The Devil face to face, Annette. Once a man weakens enough to the power of life's constant trials and tribulations, The Devil will appear. Annette would prove to be the evilest woman I ever met. Many Faces of The Same Woman my ass, Annette wasn't the same woman. This was a new creature, not the same type of any kind before in the past. I moved back to New York and Jasmine went back to Philadelphia seven months pregnant and did the same thing every other woman had done, with the exception of Ashley and Sandy. Exactly what they said they would never do. Jasmine and Phillip hooked up and are doing ok, from what I hear. It's been hard for me to look her lying ass in the face, so I felt like until my child is big enough to travel to see daddy, fu-- the hoe.

What comes around goes around so I know she's got some hardships coming her way. Some serious shocks in life she will have to face. Beauty will only get you but so far, in the end – 'We all get what we deserve.' Jasmines Promise was the turning point in my life, she showed up at a time when I was heartbroken and financially strapped. She promised to help mend my wounds and be there forever. Just before her, I had no reason to believe in one word out a woman's mouth, and after her, even less than no reason. I left Sandy for Jasmine, what a mistake I should have kept Sandy. Sometimes I wonder if Sandy or Ashley the so called good woman, or even Kelly or Mahogany would have eventually changed on me as well. I guess I will never know the answer to those questions. From now on it was the black ice cold hearted treatment for all women on earth. Its curtains baby, curtains for all, oh yes, and the final curtain was about to close. Annette had spit her deadly venom upon my flesh and I liked the feeling of it, I longed for more. I was in for the ride of my life, little did I know, I was about to take a wild ride with The Devil.

**Chapter 14 Riding with The Devil - Annette aka Pinocchio**

It is written, that the greatest trick The Devil ever pulled, was to fool the world into believing he didn't exist.

Ecclesiastics 7:26 And I have found more bitter then death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape her, but the sinners shall be trapped by her.

So I moved back to New York' but before I did I got involved with Annette, oh yes Miss Annette. You see her, it, them, I mean they, or whatever she is, had no conscience what so ever. She was cold hearted, so cold hearted that when she walked in a room the temperature dropped sixty degrees. She was such garbage that sewer rat's would never keep company with her. She was no catch to brag about, it was more like catching a disease, hell a dog could fu—her if he barked right. She had, no - self esteem, not low self esteem and no respect for mankind. She was a big time, super hopeless liar; cheat, con, artist and manipulative freak. The worst kind of woman God could ever have created. In fact, God could not have created Annette. God doesn't make such junk like her, with crafty sexiness twisted with Satan's ways. She had to be The Devils creation, she just had to be. Annette wasn't fine, she was average or less, and probably got no play with men for most of her life, but now was not a bad looking woman for her late thirties. Now she got some attention from men and woman and was in pretty good shape. Over all still just basic trash. So why did I get involved with her in the first place? Well the sex was great, nasty, dirty, and nasty some more, she was an easy to get girl. And she spent her money on me keeping me happy, my last days in New Orleans. This was an attractive quality except for the pointless lies that she constantly told.

Annette would lie to Jesus himself, directly in his face. Tell him she didn't do it and try to explain her way out of it. If Jesus clearly saw Annette drinking water from a plastic cup, her throat gulping to swallow and all that. Then he very simply asked her, 'Did you enjoy your drink?' Annette would respond with something ridiculous like, 'I wasn't drinking from the cup, I was very simply holding it with my lips and looking upward at the sun so it only appeared that I was drinking, but I wasn't.'

She believed all men were fools, silly stupid idiots to be toyed with, but after Monique's heartbreaking actions, 9-11, losing all that money and Jasmine's fake promise and family drama. On top of moving halfway across America for nothing to transpire, I needed easy sex, money, drugs and rock and roll. Annette was perfect for all that, just perfect for it. The problem was I created a monster that I couldn't control, a monster only The Devil controlled. Every man who deals with this type a woman knows that sooner or later only one of two things can happen. She submits to you and changes, or you run for your life, and Annette wasn't the changing or submitting type. In short she was hoe and not a good hoe either.

See a good hoe keeps her man happy and fits into the system of how it going down. A bad hoe is only out for herself and could care less what her mans needs were. Annette devours men for her benefit only. She had a car, College degree and some money, plus bad habits that needed lots of attention. Plenty of habits needing attention, I played the game to a science as well as any man dealing with this type could have. Many drug dealers, late nights, and sexcapades, and then came the arguments and the fights. When I moved back to New York I hoped it was goodbye, but somehow I knew she would follow me. She did so, and brought along with her the kind of evil spirits New York already has enough of. I knew sooner or later she would end up sleeping with other men in the New York big cesspool of sex and sin. She lied at every chance and had no respect for my knowledge of the street life. I guess she felt she was invincible, and the streets didn't talk, the spirit within a man didn't feel. I mean Annette's theory on life was all men would fall for a blow job and some ass, some men yes, all men, no. She had it all wrong, all wrong, because none of that nonsense she had been ninja trained with by outdated masters using old techniques. None of that would be able to save her from life's fate or my upcoming revenge. My attitude was, 'Fu-- The Devil'- I was about to smash his grill into pieces and Annette was my intended instrument. So all that playing she thought she was doing was about to end real soon.

She moved not minutes away from me. I was back in Long Island bouncing around doing the reconstructing that was necessary to get my life back in order. And here I was stuck with Lila the liar, Idiot ass Annette, Run around Sue, Pinocchio or whatever you want to call her, excuse me, cousin it, yeah, that was more like it. It all came to a head after a good year on insanity and I stopped seeing Annette. I broke up with her for good and didn't miss her at all, in fact I was relived, I slapped her silly before I left and called her every name in the book. I missed the ride and the extra money, but not her one bit, the drama was too high a price to pay. The word on the street was she still was doing the same thing, copping drugs, crack mainly and sexing it up with any Tom, Dick or Harry and a few Mary's as well. Turns out Annette had a thing for plastic penis, she liked dikes. Man please, that slut liked any and everyone who paid her any attention. The rumors were swarming all over the streets, weird crazy stuff. I even heard she got kicked out of Hell for screwing The Devils wife. No wonder she was here on Earth wasting up our space. She was still running the Ghetto Girl act then switching to the Senators daughter routine, but the streets had her number her name was mud, her game was old school and her downfall was set. I knew the news would soon come that something terrible happened to her. I just thanked God I was no longer riding with The Devil, city to city, town to town, bringing nothing but destruction in the wake of our path.

We never built anything good together and after a while even the sex was terrible. Annette had such a selfish controlling nature she starting trying to tell me when and what to do sexually. No way, that was out, I lost interest quick and all she could do was blow me at the end of our relationship. So off she went to suck some new di-- real and both plastic like she loved to do anyway. More time passed on and my life was getting much better. The money was starting to come back and I was feeling pretty good. I brought a used Truck and rolled up to my favorite rim shop in Queens to put some hot shoes on it. To my surprise the counter girl was Annette's cousin Debbie. She told me Annette was doing good living in Brooklyn now with some, down low brother with money. It figures, I thought as I drove away. What's the difference between the woman who is trying to pay her car note and a hooker on the street? Nothing, because they both do it for the money. I blew a good ass woman, Sandy from St. Croix. I wished I could find her again and try to get things right between us. The same day I copped those rims, not even hours later my cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hello player how are you."

"I am just fine who's this?"

"It's me Sebastian the love of your life."

"Oh really that's news to me, I didn't know I had one."

"Don't play games, it's, Annette silly. I got your number from my cousin; she called me after you left." I was outside shining my ride at the time, admiring the chrome on the wheels I just got.

"Oh really that was private information, she's not supposed to do that."

"Well Debbie doesn't know our history she thought it was ok to give it to me. Hey I can lose it if you like, I don't want to bother you, I just miss you Sebastian it has been five months you know. How are the twins doing?"

"Well it's all good, I am doing fine and they are doing fine. Just moving on with life Annette, It was nice to hear from you but I'm a little busy right now. I have to go."

"Wait Sebastian, please, please just give me a chance to."

"A chance to what?"

"A chance to apologize to you, Sebastian I realize all the mistakes I made and I'm so sorry, very, very sorry. You are a good man and I just wasn't ready for you. I didn't trust in you, I was afraid and hurt from so many past relationships. Sebastian I just want to say that it is because of you I have changed and become a better woman. I now can see how bad I treated you Sebastian. I also realize you are the only man for me, I miss you every waking second of the day. I truly love you Sebastian, you are the only man I have ever really loved."

"The key word is man huh? Well it sounds good Annette but-."

"No wait Sebastian, let me finish damn it. You always cut me off when I have something to say. I know you were not happy when we met, and my selfish ways only made it worse, when I should have been there for you. But you have to believe me I have changed. I stopped doing drugs, and all that other nonsense. You moved and didn't even tell me, I went to the old address where you were house sitting in Amityville. I would just like a chance to cook you a nice meal, and see you one last time. I don't have to know where you live. So what do you say to that player, how about it?" I was now inside my new truck wiping down the dashboard and some extras with armor all.

"First of all stop calling me player Annette, and second I say no. I am glad you have changed; good for you but us together is like fire and gasoline we just don't mix well. So if you don't mind I will pass on the invite."

"Sebastian, we were, like fire and gasoline past tense, yes that is so true, and most of it was my doing but not anymore baby. Sebastian it's just dinner that's all, come on please."

"Annette, don't you live with someone, why not cook for him?"

"What who told you that, Debbie I bet? Well she has her information wrong. I have my own apartment in Uniondale Long Island. I'm not seeing Tyrone anymore he was gay, you know under cover, every time we went out he was eyeballing some man more than he was looking at me."

"Oh yeah, well I know the feeling."

"Sebastian that's a cheap shot, I told you all those rumors about me and women are false, sh-- I like men only, and love you in particular."

"Sure, whatever Annette you lie all the time."

"Sebastian, I don't want to argue with you baby can I just cook you dinner. It's not like I am asking you to marry me, I mean not yet anyway, just a simple dinner at my place tonight."

"Tonight now you are really pushing it, look let me think it over. Call me around six and I'll let you know my decision."

"Ok player and I got a surprise for you."

"I said maybe Annette."

"Hey, a girl has to keep her hopes up."

"Yeah right later Annette." Marry her, not in ten lifetimes what a joke ha, that bit-- is really crazy, I knew she was up to no good and all this was part of her devilish plot. I heard this I've changed speech so many times that I knew the next words before she would say them. It was like a song on the radio I could sing right along with. I was now positive Annette was a very sick woman that needed years and years of professional therapy. Something in her past must have made her like this? Maybe she was molested as a child and never dealt with it. One thing I knew for sure, she was hiding plenty of secrets, deep in that big head and Pinocchio lying nose of hers.

Annette believed her own lies and had developed this twin personality onto a point of no return. I was horny and hungry so I went to dinner like a fool goes to the slaughter, mainly because I wanted to sex her up again and call her nasty names while doing it. You see me and Annette had this strange sex connection, I knew she was all these things. Yet I enjoyed banging her guts out real hard while talking dirty to her, tormenting her about everything I knew. I called her a slut, hoe, di-- sucker, liar, bit--, gay and much, much, more. She just loved every second of it. Sometimes I even mentioned names of people she cheated with, driving her into frenzy, and making her admit to it during our sex sessions. Sick, sick, sick, I know I was very addicted as well. This treatment made her have multiple orgasms over and over again. I went to her new place that evening, it was a nice apartment, and the dinner was good, but I woke up two weeks later in her bed thinking, damn, that Vampire bit-- set me up again. I was fully drained and emotionally battered, how did I let this happen?

Annette sucked the life right out of me, she was still sneaking around and doing drugs, losing weight rapidly smoking crack like it was a cigarette, popping pills of all types and sniffing dope on occasion. Our connection went back to zero, the same bullsh lying, cheating and rationalizing the most outrageous behavior. Whenever I wasn't around she begged so nice and humbly, but when I was around she went into that Senator's daughter mode, telling me things like. 'Look, I know me and I'm like this, and because of my truths in life I have come to know myself Sebastian. If you would just, then I would just, then we could do this. And we could that, because for me I know this, and you should know that. Because I know that you know, that I know the whole prognosis of this equals relevant life.'

It was a bunch of trash and run on sentences, saying nothing, excuses and self examination, Physician heal thyself nonsense. She swore she could fix herself and everyone else in the world. I will never forget that hot day in July. I had stayed over her house for some crazy sex the night before, you know 'up that asshole all night.' She went to work and I slept all day I was off work and needed the rest. I took a shower and was just about to leave around 3:00pm when I heard keys and the door opening, guess who it was?

"Hey player, the love of your life is home."

"Hi Annette, I was just about to leave, it's kind of early for you to be home isn't it?"

"Fu-- that it's so hot outside, I took off early."

"I thought you couldn't take off early anymore."

"Man Sebastian, what's with the fifty questions you don't trust me? I thought you would be glad to see me. I was hoping you were still here baby."

"Whatever, look I have some things to do so enjoy the rest of your day."

"No don't leave me, I want to get high and I don't want to hear a lecture about it, I just want to do it."

"No lecture Annette, knock yourself out I'm gone."

"No I need you to get it for me, and let me suck your big ass di-- after I get high and freaky; I brought you some beer back home baby, you thirsty."

"No I just want my old life back, call some of your secret men to get it for you, I am not doing it anymore."

"Sebastian what men are you talking about? I told you that is all behind us, I want you and only you, why don't you see that?" Annette sat down in the living room and placed her pocketbook by her side. I was finished dressing and gathering my belongings ready to roll out.

"Can you stop the lies for one second of your life, you left here this morning in office clothes, it is now 3:00 in the afternoon and your back in a sweat suit, it ain't hard to tell sister."

"Tell what brother, you read into things too much, I changed before I left work sh--, it's a hot ass day."

"I hear you; hey, let me see your cell phone?"

"For what, Sebastian that's my personal property, you always want to look through my stuff? You need to just trust me, why don't you try looking at trust instead of my phone for a change?"

"Trust ha, you are a joke for real Annette, we both know you are a liar. In trust I would find nothing, but in your phone I would find the truth, you got nothing to hide, right? So hand it over Annette, let's see how trustworthy you really are prove me wrong."

"No I don't have to prove sh-- to you, you are not my man."

"Oh, so now I'm not your man, a few minutes ago I was the love of your life. You know the things you do don't really upset me so much Annette, and in truth I don't love you, but I do have love for you. You seem to get the two twisted. See let me explain it to your educated dumb ass." Annette was now walking towards the back bedroom with plans to hide her phone.

"No you don't to explain sh-- to me." I walked behind her knowing exactly was she was up too. She stopped in the hallway by the bedroom to hear me out.

"Oh yes I do, because you are book smart, but life stupid. You see loving someone, consists of caring and sharing with that person, which sums up to being honest with them. You are a sneaky lying bit--, who puts up more lies on top of lies, and never stops and never changes. You always claim to change, and then does the same thing five minutes later. You don't even love yourself, if you did you would try to do the right thing, or at least the next right thing and own up to something. You see having love for someone, is when you do care, and identify with their struggles in life, but not necessarily, want to be with them exclusively, or for that matter are even involved with them. In fact you can have love for someone the same sex as you, you should be familiar with that, ha, ha."

"Yeah, ha, ha thanks for the long lesson in Sebastian's life theory, but if it's all the same to you, I am tired now, I'm going to bed." I headed straight for the door, picking up my bag on the way.

"Good for you, later Annette." She rushed after me grabbing my arm causing the clothes fall on the floor.

"Wait, baby come to bed with me, please."

"No, I am out; I had enough drama for one day. Look what you made me do, you just ripped the bag."

"What drama? This is just constructive conversation player, you know I love you and you're the only man for me Sebastian."

"Now I am your man again, wow, you really are a crazy bit--."

"Alright but I am your crazy bit-- baby. Now come give me that good di-- daddy, come on let me suck it and swallow all that hot gushy cum, please daddy, please." Grabbing on my pants, Annette tried her best to entice me to stay. Those big fish eyes had deceit written all in them, I stood my ground.

"No, I'm not with it anymore Annette, I'm done with you, can't you see that."

"You hate me now, huh? You don't even make love to me any more Sebastian, what's wrong baby?"

"Annette I never made love to you, I always gave you what you wanted, a good hard fu--."

"Oh, sounds great, I could use one of them right now player."

"You are an emotional basket case you have no respect for other people's feelings."

"What! I respect your feelings Sebastian, What's wrong tell me? Let's get high baby, tell me on the way to the drug spot, don't you want to get high?"

"No Annette, not this time, and not with the likes of you, not ever again, you play to many games. You make me want to strangle your ass. And the sad truth is then people would actually think I loved you when it was just a simple case of being that pissed off with a Psycho liar."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry baby, can't we just get along? Let's ride player, take a ride with me."

"No thank you Annette, I have rode with you plenty enough."

"But, why not Sebastian it is early and I am home for you?"

"Because then I would be riding with The Devil again, Annette I gave you every chance to be a woman, we could just get together and fu-- sometime, you do what you do and I do me. All I asked you to do was keep it real, stop playing the games. You are not getting anywhere with it, let's get paid dummy. You like to screw, so let's get some paper, but no you want to play house and fake love, while thinking you're playing me. You don't know when to quit, and have no idea when you are out of your league. My temper is way too short to be around you. So to hell with you and the lies, I'm done before I wind up killing your stupid ass."

Annette started crying a large river of tears she looked so innocent in this state, so helpless. I paused with my hand on the door ready to turn away from her forever, when through her crying sobs, she spoke to me once again. This time her tone was a lot more humble then I had ever heard from Annette before.

"Ok, goodbye Sebastian, you are right I blew it again, I always blow it. I am such a fu-- up, I wish I was dead, I should just kill myself. I love you so much, yet always fight and rebel against you. I wish I could just submit, but I don't know how to love you, I don't know how to make you happy." Sitting on the couch twiddling her thumbs together with her knees against her chest, I almost felt sorry for her.

"You are a good hearted man Sebastian, intelligent and with a righteous spirit. Sometimes I'm jealous of you, envious of your ability to stand up for honesty and principles. You know you are the only man I ever met who was smarter than me, and I just don't know how to handle it. I mean in Carolina where I come from there are no good honest men, they all cheat. You; however, if your with someone doing good, dirt or whatever, you at least include your partner in the scheme. I am so not used to that, so afraid to let go of what I have practiced for so long." I felt my hand slipping off the door knob, the softness in her voice was wearing me down.

"Sebastian I followed you to New York because, where ever you are is where I want to be. I feel safe in your arms and enter oblivion when you touch me. But I've failed at getting my man, I see that now. If you leave me again my world will be destroyed. I will go to counseling if you just say the word. I will stop lying to you, I swear, just don't leave me, please Sebastian give me one last chance. I'm ready to answer any questions you have, I will do anything, anything, please, don't leave me, I need you more than life itself."

Silence hit the air for what seemed like an eternity, I was standing half way out and half way in her apartment with the door wide open. Trying my best to just leave, just turn my back and keep going. I knew in my mind and in my heart it was the right thing to do. But I felt like someone put glue on my shoes, I couldn't move. After a few minutes of fighting the temptation in my mind, I gave in against my better judgment, and sat down on the couch. I took a deep breath and spoke up low but firm.

"Annette, look I don't hate you or anything like that, I'm just tired of the tug a war that we have been doing. You and I could be the perfect couple because we both have struggled in life so much. But you insist on constantly lying for what reason I have no idea. All I want from you Annette, is some honesty, you don't have to be perfect or anything like that. Hell we all have a history and have made mistakes. I'm saying look at me; I was a pimp, playboy and a fool at times. So who am I to go around passing judgment on somebody else's actions?" Annette looked up at me now with those big pretty eyes full of water.

"That's why I keep trying to tell you Annette, it's not your actions that upset me, it's the constant lying about them. You know what? A long time ago after some deep soul searching I came to the conclusion that being real was better than being a fake. You obviously have some sex issues, well welcome to the world most of us do. You need some extra di-- in your life, hey I don't mind, but stop fronting get honest and include me in. I might enjoy watching or something who knows."

"For real player, you funny, you want to watch me fu-- someone else?"

"Well, you are doing it anyway, so why not, at least then we would have a bond of some trust."

"Yeah, well let me think on that for a while first."

"Fine, now you said you were ready to get honest with me, so tell me, why are you home early, did you even go to work today."

"Well, yes of course, you know I went to work today." I stared at Annette and just shook my head in disgust. She seemed puzzled for a moment then changed her story again, as usual.

"Ok Sebastian, baby look, the truth of the matter is they are doing inventory at my job this week, so we got off early that's all, that's the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Go-."

"Stop it, don't say it Pinocchio, I mean Annette. So that's it huh, Inventory? Wow, look you sure you want to stick to that story? You said you were changing right here and now, and the best excuse you can come up with is, is, this nonsense."

"What, did you do call my job or something? Damn you get me sick, Sebastian." Now she stood up and pulled on a cigarette hard pacing the floor.

"Maybe I did call your job or maybe I didn't, so now tell me the truth you lying backstabbing bit--."

"Why I got to be a bit-- Sebastian, the fake music man. The washed up used to be famous Deejay. You really want to know the truth? Ok here it is. I didn't go to work, I was out screwing your boy from the bar last night. You know the one you introduced me to with the Lexus Coupe. Well, when you went to the bathroom he slid me his number, I met him at a hotel this morning and he banged my brains out all day, you happy now? You no good bastard, go ahead leave, I don't care anymore."

"Now that sounds more like the truth, that's more like the Annette I know, even though I know that's not what really happened. Not that I would put it past you, it's just that you told me the story way too quick and easy. So that's not the truth, ha, you make me laugh, don't you know by now I will know the truth when I hear it. This is another patent old school Annette tricky move trying to throw me off the trail of the truth. It's all good forget it, hey, can I you pass me a cigarette, I'm out?"

"Here take it bastion bastard; I thought you didn't like my lucky stripes?"

"I don't, and they sure are not that lucky, I mean look at us, what a waste of two great minds."

"I know, I know you are so right, listen Sebastian I made that story up because I figured you would rather here that then hear the truth."

"Well I couldn't tell you, I haven't heard the truth yet, try me?"

"Ok baby look, the truth is I had an interview this morning and I think it went pretty well, but it ran a little later than I expected so I took the rest of the day off."

"And;"

"And, what that's it."

"Well where have you been all day and where did you change your clothes?"

"You know what; I don't want to do this I can't do this anymore. You believe whatever you want to. I hung out with my cousin after the interview, sh-- I don't have to explain every little detail to you, I'm grown. I had this sweat suit at her house from before remember I used to live there silly."

"Wow, I thought we agreed to be newly saved and honest, but now I realize you just can't do it can you? You just can't tell the truth no matter what, the truth is not in you Annette. You are a hopeless case I give up."

"I give up also; you are the hopeless case Sebastian. You don't believe anything I say, even the truth, so why bother."

"I here that, well later Annette." I went for the door again only to have my path blocked with her body, jumping in front of me.

"No wait, I swear on the Bible that's the truth baby. If I am lying you can whip my ass Sebastian."

"You crazy, you want to die, you have some kind of death wish or something. Don't swear a lie on the Bible, goodbye and good riddance; I don't want to be no where around you when the lighting strikes your trifling ass."

"Sebastian please, the only lightning striking me is between your legs, and I love the way it strikes my insides, wall to wall. Hit me with the lightning baby, please fu-- me good? I deserve to be punished. Spank me daddy, spank me hard with your battering ram."

"Man you are the worst, the worst woman I ever encountered, you are addicted to sex and drugs, and in some strange way I'm addicted to you. Now I don't know about you but today's the day I kick the habit."

"Don't say that baby, it hurts, I love you being into me, Sebastian it's a beautiful hot summer day, lets enjoy it. We can relax in bed with the fan blowing on us as we cuddle up together and get high to the sounds of your boy Smooth Sam; you know how I love that CD."

"Goodbye Annette."

"What, what did I say wrong? I told you the truth baby." With the talent and ability of many Devils, she was lying again. Every subject was twisted and turned, every question avoided, and all important information left out or sidestepped. I knew she was a lying hoe from day one, and maybe I should never have expected the truth from her.

I just couldn't accept the fact that my feelings were just a trampoline that she jumped up and down on, to the beat of her own sick rhythm. It was amazing to watch her do this, but I had seen enough, yes to the point that anger was building up heavy inside me. She wouldn't tell the truth ever, and wouldn't let me leave her either. This is a very deadly combination. Her state of denial had graduated to a state of refusal. Annette no longer just denied the truth, now she refused its very presence.

"Annette remember that time you had a guy hiding in your bedroom and swore on the Bible you didn't, huh, you remember, right?"

"No Sebastian as I remember it I didn't, you just thought I did because my room door was closed and I said I didn't want company that day. So what did you do, bust open my door, and you found nothing but your wild imagination. Anyway why you bringing up that old sh--? It's in the past, let it go."

"I brought it up to see if you would now get honest about it, it proves my point. You are not ready to change, if you cannot admit your past, then you can never admit the present. That day I found a man jumping out your window, his fat ugly black ass was stuck, and as I grabbed him he fell out and ran down the alley. You only remember what you choose to remember, you suffer from selective amnesia. You told me it was the window cleaner. There was no ladder in sight and the room smelled like sex, oh yeah, and you had nothing on but a robe, you were totally nude underneath."

"Well I remember you beat my ass I remember that much and I don't want to go through that again, so from then on I just tell the truth. The truth will set you free, so why do I have to lie. I know that the lies are what set's you off so I don't do it anymore. Like I said Sebastian if I'm lying this time, you can kill me, just fucking kill me because I know I went to work, oh I mean to my interview and then hung out with my cousin afterwards today. Now you are not going to make me tell you anything different, because that's the truth. I love you way too much to hurt you again with lies and deceit. I only want to be with you Sebastian, only you."

As she finished those words Annette's cell phone rang. It was one of those rare times she forgot to turn it completely off or put it on vibrate. She looked shocked and afraid, frozen in position and didn't make a move as we stood by the door.

"Well, well, miss love me so much, why don't you answer your phone?" I had learned over the years that a woman will avoid answering her phone in a man's presence if she is guilty of any wrong doing. When the situation is awkward she will say it's her boss, or her sister or that she doesn't feel like talking right now. This is blatant disrespect for the male intelligence, and quite frankly a game that is weak and stupid. Annette did it all the time, and I knew I would never be with a woman like that for long. Secrets are nothing but The Devils playground.

"Well, answer the phone Annette."

"No it's not important we are talking right now, let's finish our conversation." I went over to the location of the ringing in the living room. She quickly followed me and grabbed her bag.

"No lets answer the phone, give it to me, I'll answer it for you."

"Stop pulling my pocketbook, I got it, ok damn.

"Hello, this is Annette speaking, Yeah I made it home just fine thank you. Well yes I did to, lovely time. Look I need to call you back later I am in the middle of something right now. Ok sounds great later, yes me too next week is fine bye, bye. That was my cousin making sure I got home safe, she's is so sweet isn't she?"

"You lying again, I could hear the man's voice as you spoke to him Annette."

"No silly, you are imagining things."

"Ok that's it give me the phone, I'm sick of this sh--."

"Get off me, stop, stop it, no Sebastian it is my phone." I snatched her phone and pressed the last incoming number, as it rang Annette was steady trying to reason with me, trying to avoid me from finding out the truth. This was only one of the fifty thousand times Annette was busted and not woman enough to tell the truth. Not woman enough to throw in the towel, her ego was so big. Way to large, she just couldn't accept defeat. You can't win them all in life you know, and when your defeated at least bow out gracefully, right? I gave her one last chance before redialing the number. She just played upset and still didn't get honest. Her big eyes told the last story of deceit I would have to look at. Because she was busted, I wound up talking to some white boy on the phone for a few minutes, no real surprise. He explained to me that he and his girlfriend were indeed with Annette all day, and had been sleeping with Annette for months, he explained;

"Hey man she is a bona fide freak and to tell you the truth, she likes when my girlfriend straps on a dildo a bangs her up the ass the most out of everything we do. I'm sorry if you didn't know, but Annette is our little play toy my friend. She loves it and we love giving it to her. Maybe you need to find another girlfriend buddy."

I bolted straight out the door after leaving Annette in a pool of blood on the floor. I remember being so in raged, so blinded with madness that I punched her clear across the room like the incredible Hulk. I grabbed a screw driver off the counter, and stabbed her twice with it in the neck, kicking her head and body shouting; "Die Devil bit-- die."

I was kicking and spitting on her limp body, until she screamed for Jesus for a solid ten minutes, probably the only true prayer she ever did. She begged me for mercy, she begged me not to kill her. Why I did it, I don't know, why, I stopped when I did - just before her last breath of life, I have no idea. I do know I didn't love Annette, it was pure anger I guess. It was the fact that she had the nerve to try to play a player. I also knew Annette didn't die on the floor that hot July day, I hoped she died but I knew she lived. I knew The Devil still had more evil for her to do on earth. She brought the worse out of me, time and time again. Before her it had been many, many years since I ever put my hands on a woman. I reverted right back to the days of pimping with Annette, except there was no pimping in it. She couldn't even sell the pus- she would rather give the sex away, what a waste.

I got arrested in august for the assault on Annette, she never showed up in court but the state picked up the charges and gave me six months in the county. I could've been facing attempted murder but they had no witness, Annette had disappeared and was nowhere to be found. I eventually heard that she recovered from that good ass whipping I put on her, packed her belongings and moved back to New Orleans, good. A few people I still stay in contact with down there said they often would see her around town. You know doing the same thing, drugs and bullsh--.

I long after getting out of the county continued to hear about her. That is until the horrendous Hurricane Katrina destroyed the city. Annette lived pretty close to the leaves that broke from the strong waves. A friend told me, her rented house was destroyed in the storm and no one has seen her since. I don't know if she's alive, but my guess is Annette, somehow survived and is very busy somewhere telling lies and doing The Devils work. Be careful men beware I say, she may still be out there. I never wished death on someone before, but I know the world would be a better place without her. Pinocchio, It, run around Sue, etc, etc. Goodbye Annette, its curtains, Thank God - its curtains.... forever!

**Chapter 15 Salvation and Deliverance**

Ephesians 1:13 In him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; In whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.

A man has a lot of time to think things over while sitting in a cell. I missed my children, missed my old life, and apparently somewhere down the line, I had missed my calling. I sat and pondered on it for days and days. My six month sentence seemed like 10 years. I went from being a successful Deejay and business man to a normal prisoner with a number. I was now inmate #7270932 nothing more, nothing less, just a number. The cells were cold at night, the food was cold always and the days were long and boring. You can no longer legally smoke in Jail so it was a perfect time for me to quit. Cigarettes were around as well as drugs, and homemade moonshine but I resisted the temptation. Instead I worked out a lot and read books. Even though it was just the County Jail and not some maximum security prison, many fights, rapes and crazy things did take place. I did my best to mind my business and do my time. Jail is no place for a dog let alone a man. I blamed it all on the world, the women and society, they put me here I felt. With not much else to do as time passed I began to read the Bible more and more. I remember right after New Year's Eve 2006, yes my wonderful New Years in Jail. I remember praying and something inside me changed drastically, I instantly stated to feel different. The next day my mother came to visit me and told me to be strong, she told me;

"God has a plan for you my son. I have always told you that, you are here for a purpose. Figure it out and move on, never to return again." Soon after that visit, I began to somehow realize that I was the blame for my life turning out the way it did. No one had put me here I put myself here, by making the wrong choices and bad decisions. My career was in shambles, gone completely and my soul was twisted and in disarray. I started constantly praying and attending inside Church services, I built a new solid relationship with God. The prodigal son returns, I found new strength to be able to overcome my past and now I looked forward towards my future. A great motivational speaker came to talk to us about life a few days before my release. His name was Kirk Nugent, and the brother was deep. I remember his words so clearly because he helped change my life, he said;

"Anyone no matter what you've been through can make the decision to change their lives. Right here right now today, just choose a new destiny, and pursue your passion. Make a commitment to turn your misery into mastery. Just remember the three most powerful words in the universe, I deserve better." He spoke on so many incredible things that day and deeply touched me inside, 'I deserve better,' became my new way of life. I repeated it to myself every day. I also began to see that what many call love, is really often simple guilt. We all get what we deserve sooner or later. I came to the conclusion that I gave Annette so many chances, because I felt like I deserved her at that time. Love had nothing to do with it; in fact it was a lack of love for myself that allowed her into my world. Deep down inside, I felt that after all the wrong I had done to women over the years. All the cheating and all the abortions I participated in. I felt like, one day I would be paid back by such a person, none of it was by coincidence.

We all attract what we truly feel we deserve. In the case of Annette we both felt we deserved each other, love had nothing to do with it. Self hatred I believe was behind our self centered motivations, we were both selfish. It was sickness feeding on sickness, the same as in many other cases of my life. I was finally growing into manhood. I praised The Lord for the new found clarity. It's funny, because I used to laugh at people who went to Jail and all of a sudden became Holy Rollers. Now, here I was doing exactly the same thing. Except, I now know that the Holy Rollers were in the Casinos not the Church's. The Church is a place for the sick and suffering, cussing sinners and the addicted and diseased. Not a place for Holy Rollers, people get it twisted. God doesn't use Holy Rollers; perfect people - God uses the poor, misfortune and the lost. I learned in life, a woman can bring you to your highest highs or to your lowest lows. It was never Many Faces of The Same Woman, it was me picking the same types, over and over again, and throwing away the good women I should have stayed with. Woman often pick the same types of men over and over just as well. It's like saying; 'Hey I been in many relationships with many people, but they were all the same person.' As in personality types, I knew I had to change that pick the same partner defect about myself. And Let God reshape my attitude towards women, and how I dealt with them.

I was long overdue for a full brain makeover. I was tired of always hitting the brick wall. I had children, two beautiful twin daughters and a great son to raise and set an example for. I had failed them by behaving as an imbecile so far in this life. I always wanted to teach them something important, and I now knew what that something was. Jail is not the worst prison a man can be in. Jail is simply one of the prisons a man winds up in after he imprisons his own mind. The prison of bad thinking and low self esteem is the worst place that one can ever be in. I will teach that to them, if I never teach them anything else. It was never Annette or any other woman's fault. The things that happened to me were all, my fault. It was my own mental prison that created it all. The four basic necessities of life are, food, water, shelter and someone to blame. Well drop the forth, there are only three.

If you hunt a snake long enough you will become snake like. This was as natural as, if you eat too much, you gain enormous weight. But it's not the food's fault. It is indeed your fault. You can't blame your weight on the burger, just as I could not blame my troubles on the women. Experience had taught me that I had always hung on long after it was time to let go, or let go long before it was time to hang on. Most women I ever came in contact with either barely got touched, or left with claw marks all over them. I was a victim of some, but most of the time, I was a volunteer - for the pain. I never quite looked at women before as I now do now. Perhaps instead of Annette being a Devil, maybe she was just a little girl lost. Searching for answers like most of us. And perhaps I was incapable of helping her. Perhaps due to my emotional tragedies over the years I was the wrong man for the job. Maybe I just was not destined to help her. Perhaps she never failed me; maybe I failed her, every single time. Too busy blinded in my own denial and pointing the finger of blame to avoid my own reality. Had I been thinking straight, perhaps I would have realized that if I couldn't help her grow on, I should have just been a man about it. And let her go on.

Yet selfishness leads to ones doom very quickly. So there I sat staring between the cell bars dreaming of freedom. But not freedom for myself - for a change, but freedom for a sister like Annette, and so Many others out there. May they find freedom from bondage, and may God have mercy on their souls. I once felt It all started with Maria and me believing she was the beginning of the end. Who knows, but one thing I now knew - was this was the end, of my beginning. My new beginning of life! So with passion and faith I prayed and prayed for The Lords Salvation. And with nothing but time - I waited patiently for his deliverance.

I was released from Jail on February 14th 2007. Valentine's Day, how fitting for a man like me. I looked great, and sported a new solid muscle frame. Clean and free from any substance's including cigarettes. I was now determined to enjoy life to the fullest. I now realize that - what I am, is God's gift to me, but what I become, is my gift back to God and I plan to give God back a beautiful gift in the upcoming future. Valentine's Day was a beautiful day, a wonderful day that The Lord had made. It was all so perfect that whole day. No unusual occurrences at all, until later on that night. Yes I remember it like it was yesterday, the most important night of my entire life. You see Valentine's Day 2007 would forever mark on the calendar, as the night I met - - - Eva The Evangelist.

The Beginning.

We must grow on!

Poets believe they write poems which only shows how lost they are without a clue.

I'm here to tell you Poets and so called know its' that you have never wrote a poem, every poem you though you wrote - wrote you.

We are merely pencils being used by the universe to scribe its notes and egotistical quotes, and most of our tips are either broken or dull.

We need constant sharpening and change so why continue to go on - when one can grow on - being understanding instead of always looking to be understood.

As if you understanding me will ensure my meaningless legacy' or help me reach some imaginary destiny' in the big picture of struggle and strife.

I tell you one thing for sure no amount of earthy accomplishment gets even a first name, in the book of life.

Many study the alpha the omega the construction, reintroduction, destruction and so on, and so on, and so on.

Only to wind up intellectual babbling idiots angry with fear prepared to do nothing but go on, never grow on' - to new ideas concepts and behaviors. Instead of getting saved most fight to protect and save their saviors.

With spinning cycles that never circle and bends and twists that never turn.

We have over developed mentalities that take in knowledge yet never learn.

Resulting in a game score - resulting in game war - resulting in the death of common sense. Resulting in reality shows with no reality, no actors or actresses necessary to pay or use. Academy award winning performances have a new stage now \- it's called the News.

So inner peace has become a distant planet a vacation spot we hope to someday go on. As if we don't just go on, and go on enough already. I say it is time - - - we grow on.

I hope you enjoyed this book and I would love to personally hear from you. I really do appreciate your support Please feel free to send me your feelings about this read. .

tracydixonny@gmail.com _facebook.com/tracydontplaythat_
