

### Bitter Reflections

### C. R. McBride

-Part One of **The Coffee Cafe** Series-

Published By C. R McBride

Copyright © C. R. McBride 2013

All the characters, names, products and locations in this story are fiction, any resemblance to persons past or present is purely coincidental.

This book may not be copied, distributed or used in any way without the authors express permission

Cover image Rose by George Hodan

 Rose And Reflection by George Hodan

Cover image Male Torso

Bortn66 | Dreamstime.com

The Coffee Cafe Logo Cup

 Cup Of Coffee by Petr Kratochvil

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank Pat and Adrian Kerrell for their support and interest and for not laughing at me. I also need to thank Caroline Easton for all her hard work and support in the creation of this book. Your ideas, reading and enthusiasm have got me to this point.

Thank you

### About The Coffee Cafe Series.

The Coffee Cafe is a place where friends are made, lovers meet and relationships begin. Of course how they will end is yet to be known...

Bitter Reflections is the first in the series and follows Sara who is trying to turn her life around, there will be six books in this series. All of them will be separate stories and do not have to be read in order but they will all connect in the final book.

Happy reading xx

You can follow me on Twitter @CR_McBride

Alternatively, visit my website where you can subscribe to receive up to date release dates of my books.

http://www.crmcbride.co.uk

This book is dedicated to My Angel,

Who found me in the darkest of places but refused to walk away,

Who has never once thought I couldn't do what I wanted to and who then pushed me until I did it.

Thank you

# Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Epilogue

Absolute Resolve

#  Chapter 1

Sara stared down at the white, embossed wedding invitation that had just arrived through her door. "Unbelievable!" she seethed. It wasn't that her ex was getting married that made her mad. Well, it was but it was also the fact that he was getting married before her, well no, not even that really. It was all so messed up. Sara had been the one who had plucked up the courage to end their six-year relationship. She was the one who had been miserable and desperate to start a new life, he had acted like there was nothing wrong. All that heartache had been suffered so that she could start having a life, an exciting life. To allow her to find someone who really cared about her and wanted to spoil her. Find someone who wanted more than evenings in the local pub for quiz night. That had been their first, second and third date!

She thought that she was going to have a life at last, but no. Here she was in a bedsit that she could only just afford, working all hours of the day in a job she hated with an endless string of disastrous dates under her belt. Here he was, not ten months down the line, marrying his dental nurse. He was settling down so quickly, yet he had seemed devastated when she left and had told her that he saw nothing wrong with the way things were! He had recovered so easily. Did she secretly wish it was her? No. But he was starting again, carving a life out for himself with someone new whereas she - well, Sara was still stuck in the same rut, just different surroundings.

Sara threw herself down on her sofa and launched the invitation onto the floor, another curse leaving her mouth as she did so. Her bedsit was not a complete dump but then again it wasn't a posh riverside apartment either. There was a small lounge bedroom that was painted olive green, and mismatched bookcases lined the walls making it look more like a study than a lounge or bedroom. The kitchen, (if you could call it that), housed a sink, two cupboards and a hob and oven, the toilet/shower was in a room just off that and that was about it. Not that she spent much time in there, why would she when there was an excellent pub not two streets away that served good food?

When Sara had first moved in she had been filled with excitement, (not to mention three bottles of red wine), at which point the room looked fabulous. She had intended to redecorate and was determined the place would look homely once finished, a new start, the beginning of her new exciting life. Unfortunately her trainee dentist/loser boyfriend otherwise known as 'The Bastard', had changed the locks on their old apartment when she left and refused to let her back in to collect her things. He had then gone on to sell everything they owned and moved to God knows where, leaving her with nothing. Nothing but bad memories. She had scrimped and saved and worked her arse off to get the precious few possessions she had now gathered. Of course, she had since discovered that he had qualified now and was earning a pretty penny working in a huge dental practice in a very affluent area. The new girlfriend had taken great delight in posting Sara a cheque for three pounds forty-seven, which supposedly amounted to the profit of selling all Sara's stuff. She also included their new posh uptown address and how well he was now doing. Hence the big wedding.

Just as Sara was finishing off yet another outburst, all the while making a mental note that she really needed to moderate her language, the phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered sharply, there was a long pause then a voice said,

"Sara? Hi it's... erm ... Jamie, hope you're OK, I wanted to speak to you at work today but I missed you. I erm...well I ... I was wondering if you would like to go out this evening?"

Sara rolled her eyes, regretting that she had picked up the damn phone, this was not going to help her mood. Jamie worked at her company, Saltec; it sold and installed computer equipment to companies all over the world. Jamie was one of the company 'geeks', with scruffy black hair and an endless supply of black faded t-shirts. He had been persistently trying to get Sara to go out with him since she asked him for help three months ago. Not many people ventured into the 'geeks' domain and if they did they never went back. It wasn't that they were unpleasant; they were all really intelligent people. It was just that their social skills were a bit... well, lacking. They seemed to speak a whole different language to most people but expected everyone to automatically understand every word they said. If only she'd known that a missing order could cause so much hassle, she wouldn't have bothered chasing it and therefore having to ask him to help her. She would have just re-entered it into the system manually.

"Sara! Are you there?" Jamie asked down the line after Sara had not replied. She sighed, unable to keep the frustrated tone from her voice,

"Yes, I'm here it's just that I am rather busy, Jamie, and to be honest not the best company at the moment."

It was so hard to not upset his feelings but Jamie was about twelve years old, well OK, not twelve but there was no way that he was older than twenty three. With Sara approaching her thirty fifth birthday, there was no way that her sex life had become so depressing that she was going to scrape the bottom of the barrel by becoming a cougar.

"You are mental," her friend Jo had screeched at her when she had told her about Jamie's advances. "You should totally go for it, it's not like you're getting any from anyone else!"

"Shut up. He's a child, there's no way on earth I am going out with a child. He probably plays computer games all day," Sara complained.

"You have had no decent man in your life since you left your ex, Sara, and let's be honest, with the hours you work you hardly fit time in to see me, let alone start a relationship."

It was true, Jo was right, she just had no free time whatsoever at the moment. Lonely didn't begin to describe how she felt and as for her sex life - it was non-existent. Other than a few thrills from the romance novels that Jo had lent her, Sara had given up on men completely. Jo, however, moved freely from one guy to the next, never really looking for anything permanent, just someone to have fun with. Sara could never be like that. She had tried it once with a bloke from the coffee shop, Troy, what a disaster. Sara was not fun like Jo, she had been nervous on the date and not interested in him at all. The night had been a total waste of time and after a very weak attempt of seduction on his part and some fumbling, Sara had sent him packing and decided quick flings were not for her! Why couldn't she just meet someone like the men out of her books? Someone who understood her, who loved her and seduced her passionately? Unfortunately there were no men like that in real life!

"Is he good looking, Sara? If so, you are an idiot for not going for it," Jo insisted. That had been a good question, the truth was she had never really looked at Jamie that way before, she didn't even know his full name. But he was so much younger than her and she was not getting into that, no way.

"Sara? Are you still there?" the voice continued.

"Oh God, sorry, Jamie, I went off in a daydream then, yeah I'm fine, just a bit of bad news, that's all. Look I really appreciate the offer but, Jamie, I just want to be alone tonight."

There was a long pause before he asked almost in a whisper, "Does that mean that there may be a night when you don't want to be alone?" Sara couldn't help herself and let out a little giggle, you've got to love the persistence and eternal hope of youth. She said goodnight and put down the phone, not feeling half as bad as she had before.

#  Chapter 2

Sara jumped out of bed, knocking over two empty wine bottles. God, her head hurt. What on earth had she been thinking of, drinking that much last night? Damn her ex for making her so miserable that she had drunk herself into a major hangover.

Rushing in and out of the shower she quickly dressed, desperate to catch the bus that was now not five minutes away. Unfortunately, she had not had time to wash or iron her usual suit and so had to select a dress that she wore for evenings. In a vain attempt she threw a suit jacket over the top to try and look more respectable. Not that Sara owned a single piece of clothing that could ever be considered daring, her wardrobe was split into work clothes and weekend clothes and never would the two mix, but today she had no choice. Looking out of her third floor window over the top of the other houses, she saw the bus turn the corner and head towards the next street. After that it would be heading down her street, there was no way she was going to make it, the dress would have to do.

"Bollocks!" she shouted, grabbing her bag and running down the stairs two at a time. Inevitably just as she reached the path outside, her bus shot past her. The next bus was not for another twenty minutes, making her definitely late for work. In all the time she had worked there she had never been late, not even once. If she walked through the reception door bang on time, then as far as Sara was concerned she was late, she liked to be there ten minutes early at least to get settled in ready to start at nine o'clock.

"Bloody bus!" she called out after it. "Shit!"

"Good grief! That is no way for a lady to speak, surely?" a voice called out. Sara jumped and turned around to see her supervisor, Mr Blakley, sitting next to her in his black BMW, smiling broadly. Tom Blakley was an extremely handsome man, he was in his early forties and had aged very well with light brown hair that he wore short and smart. He dressed impeccably and had dark brown eyes that twinkled mischievously. Not that she had taken any notice of him before...much! Just gazed over him like the other girls when he first started, then blushed scarlet when he had touched her hand whilst handing him a coffee. Spent hours wondering what he was like outside work, thinking about him taking her to dinner, picturing him as all the lead characters in her stories as she read them, but other than that she hadn't given him a second thought!

"Oh, Mr Blakley, I'm so sorry, I just missed my bus and..."

He silenced her with his hand. "Jump in I'll give you a lift, save the public from any more of your foul filthy language!" Sara blushed scarlet again, frantically looking around for an alternative option; she knew there wasn't another bus for ages, no one she knew drove past here. Still she searched, still he waited. Sara let out an exasperated sigh then climbed in reluctantly, muttering her thanks and thinking that everyone at work was going to get the wrong idea when she turned up in his car. The office was like a hub of gossip, no one did anything without the whole place finding out. Tom Blakley had been transferred to head up her department not three months ago but all the office girls had found out gossip about him within minutes of his arrival. "I think it would probably be for the best if I drop you off at the corner, if that's OK?" he said as if reading her mind. "I would hate for you to have any unnecessary attention over me."

She smiled and watched as those dangerous eyes of his twinkled brightly, and wondered why he hadn't been snapped up years ago. Most guys his age were married with grown-up kids or divorced with grown-up kids, yet he remained single, as in never attached. He had his past, of that Sara was sure, if not for the endless stream of beautiful girls that the office gossips had told her he always brought to the work functions. His last girlfriend had apparently been a tall stunning blonde with never-ending legs! Sara was just deciding if maybe he was gay or a complete arsehole (because those seemed to be the only choices left when it came to single men of that age that weren't already divorced or widowed), when the car came to a sudden halt.

"What the...? Stupid bloody arsehole!" Tom shouted out, as a white van cut straight across his lane forcing him to slam on the brakes. Sara could not control herself, after he had made comments about her bad language; she tried in vain to suppress her laughter, sucking in both lips to contain herself.

"I'm so sorry, are you alright?" The concern in his face made Sara stop laughing abruptly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine honestly, just shocked, that's all." She adjusted her seat belt that now began to cut her in two.

"Shocked by the near miss or shocked with my bad language?" He grinned, his eyes lost the concern and now began to glisten again. Sara's relieved smile spread across her face and she flushed. God, what was wrong with her? She never went all girly like this.

"Mr Blakley...," she began.

"Please, call me Tom."

"Erm, not sure that's a good idea," Sara said anxiously. "I'm pretty sure that calling you Tom would definitely get me unnecessary attention!" Sara's heart was suddenly racing, almost jumping out of her chest; it must have been the near miss, she told herself. Adrenaline or something like that, people always say after a shock or accident adrenaline causes giddy-like symptoms – this must be them. A loud horn, blasting in the background, reminded them that they were still stationary in the middle of the road, making them both jump. Sara let out a little, startled shriek. Tom put the car into gear and slowly pulled away, whilst the cars behind still sounded their horns aggressively.

The rest of the journey was carried out in silence, and true to his word, Tom pulled up and let Sara out long before they entered the gates at work. She thanked him gingerly and slowly she began walking so they didn't arrive too close together, and that she arrived at her normal time. Any earlier would start the gossip tongues wagging and they'd be asking all kinds of awkward questions. _If they only applied that much attention to detail to their work,_ Sara thought. All the way her mind raced, how charming Tom had been, how handsome he looked in his well-cut suits with his broad shoulders and stunning physique. Why was it that she was getting all giggly just thinking about him? Thinking about him kissing her, tasting his tongue in her mouth! "OK, that needs to stop right now!" she scolded herself aloud, shaking her head as if to wake herself from a daydream. She had been reading way too many romance novels; it was just because 'The Bastard' was getting married, that's all it was.

Sara had been working with Tom/Mr Blakley for a while now, and he had this effect on her every time she was near him. She told herself to get a grip all the way into work, all the way through the reception area, where she had to be buzzed in again because her key card wouldn't work, all the way through the offices and all the way right up to her desk. Getting a grip might not be as easy as she thought it would be.

Saltec dealt with computer supplies and solutions, they bought and sold all manner of things all over the world, implementing computer and security systems into some of the largest companies. If she was honest, she didn't really know what half the departments did in the building or what they looked like, as her key card only allowed her access to the sales floors. Sara worked as one of the many administrators that processed the orders; the hours were long and the job itself was thankless, but she got a sense of satisfaction from organising all the work. Sales and sales support would often shout and complain about the administrators insisting they work late to process their orders while they wined and dined clients, always remembering to keep their receipts. Whilst the sales department would receive bonuses and awards, the administration staff very rarely got so much as a thank you. But it was a start, and Sara had always intended on moving into the glamorous sales department, but these days she was quite happy where she was, just plodding on with her own little job.

The office itself was a maze of small cubicles linked in groups of four, all with partitioning, low enough so it blocked noise whilst on the phone, but not high enough to offer any real privacy. As soon as you stood up you could see across all the cubicles. Sara often felt like a little mouse running around in a maze, frantically looking for the way out. As she finally reached her own little cubicle, Sara was greeted by a stack of orders on her desk and a very bolshie, blonde sales person perched on the edge of it.

"Can I help you?" Sara asked, not really feeling the desire to help this woman at all. She reached down and tried to tug out papers from under the woman's backside where she had plonked it down on her desk! She saw these women all the time, bleached blonde hair, tailored suits, red lips, their chests heaved up so high they were practically under their chins, and attitudes to rival a spoilt three year-old child. The leggy blonde pouted at Sara.

"I need you to process these orders immediately!" she barked, not even making eye contact with Sara but staring instead at her long red talons, not attempting to get up off the desk as Sara now madly pulled on the papers underneath her.

"There is a huge order coming through and you admin staff better not screw this up for us!" She even managed to turn her nose up as she said, 'admin staff'. "I intend to get a new car out of this commission, so be warned I will be making sure it is processed quickly!" She then stood, huffed, turned, and tottered off on her ridiculously high heels, hissing over her shoulder, "Be prepared to put in some late nights, admin!" Sara almost fell backwards as the woman stood up, suddenly freeing the papers that she was yanking on.

"Wouldn't chuck that out of bed, would you?" Sara heard from Lee, one of her co-workers who worked in the small cubicle next to her.

"Actually, Lee, I think you'll find that I would!"

"What!" Lee exclaimed, "She's gorgeous, you're just jealous aren't you, why would you turn that away?"

"Because she has taste, that's why!" Tom had just walked over to her desk. Sara's heart skipped and she caught her breath. She hadn't really stood this near to him before; he was a lot taller than her, close up. Trying to distract herself, Sara began flicking through all her orders.

"Sorry. Mr Blakley," Lee said sheepishly. "I was just saying." Tom Blakley lowered his voice and his head. "Yes, well between you and me, that one is not a nice person, a complete bitch if I am totally honest and you are about three hundred grand a year away from ever seeing her in your bed!"

Sara smirked and Lee scuttled off to his desk, meeting his eyes again she pinched herself to stop acting like a schoolgirl and fluttering her eyelashes.

"Unfortunately she is right on the order thing, though," Tom explained, straightening up again. "There is a huge order coming through that could be worth millions to the company if we get it right and processed on time."

He paused, studying Sara's reaction, then continued speaking so quietly that Sara had to lean closer to hear him, her head nearly resting against his chest. God, he smelt so good. "Stop it!" she instructed herself, watching Tom's lips move but not really hearing what he was saying. With a great deal of effort she dragged herself back to the conversation.

"I want you to head up the team that deal with it," Tom continued, "I need about five admin workers to deal with nothing but this order and I need someone I can trust one hundred percent to keep things on track. What do you think?" Sara stood up straight again, stunned, staring at him, had he lost his mind? Most of the administration staff didn't even like her, let alone work for her, why did he trust her? He didn't even know her, her head up a team, it was unthinkable. Her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. "I know you're in shock...again!" he added, with a grin that simply made her heart melt. "You are the most efficient person I know, you could deal with this order on your own. I know you work late into the night and you don't stand around gossiping like the others do, I do have eyes, you know." He moved in closer. "I have been watching you ever since I came here, Sara!" he smirked, and moved back. "My aim is to have a deputy in this department, and success on this would stand you in excellent position for that role." All at once the room seemed to be staring at her, heads were popping around their cubicles staring at the two, straining to hear all that was being said.

"What's he talking to HER about?"

"What's she done wrong?"

"Is she getting the sack?"

"I...I...don't know," Sara managed to stammer, but Tom just shook his head.

"Look, I have a business meeting all day today but I really want to talk to you in more detail about this, Sara. Can I email you a convenient time and day and we will catch up in my office after hours?" Sara's heart thumped loudly as though it was trying to escape her chest, the atmosphere had become so intense between them, he moved in a little closer. "You look absolutely stunning today by the way, Sara, not your usual suit, it is? I hope you haven't gone to this much effort just for me!" He didn't wait for a reply, not that Sara could muster the breath to give him a reply. He just turned and walked back through the sea of cubicles, whose owners were now all pulling their heads back in, pretending not to have been listening.

#  Chapter 3

Sara had just about managed to focus on her work but she had difficulty dealing with the constant whispering that had been going on all around her. It was true that she didn't exactly fit into the administration staff 'norm' but she had never been rude or mean to anyone there, she had just kept herself to herself. The office gossips, though, were in full bitch mode, hearing that Sara wasn't getting the sack and might actually be getting a promotion over them, they had completely gone for it, stirring everyone up. Sara, however, was distracted, her mind had been swimming all day. When she first started working at Saltec she had been full of ambition and would have done anything for an opportunity like this, but as time had passed she had become content with being in the background. She was in the routine of coming into work, doing her job and going back to her tiny little bedsit. Maybe a promotion was just what she needed, but what if she couldn't do it? The internal argument continued throughout the day. The final straw had been when Sara had asked Lee if he wanted a coffee whilst she was up, it had been greeted with a number of "tuts" and "typical" and "she won't be doing that much longer" comments.

"Right, you lot, I've had it!" Sara exploded, jumping up in her cubicle, the stress and all the worry finally getting to her. The office suddenly fell silent, all eyes staring at her in astonishment. "I didn't ask for this and do you know what, I am not sorry because I work bloody hard in this job and you all know it! None of you ever leave later than I do, you never take on the workloads I do, and I end up doing all the shit orders you lot don't want to do. I see you slipping orders onto my desk when you think I'm not looking. DO YOU THINK I AM STUPID?" Several people put their heads down at this point, yes they all knew, they just thought she was too stupid or too timid to say anything; spurred on by their reaction she continued. "You don't want to bloody work with me, that's absolutely fine. I don't give a shit, to be honest. But believe me, I will take that into account when I am asked to choose my team to work on the high profile orders. So put up or shut up!" With that she threw herself back onto her chair, shaking. Blimey, what had come over her today?

Lee's head popped up over the cubicle wall that she had now attempted to disappear behind, and grinned at her, "I'll get the coffees, I think." He laughed, watching Sara's red face slowly return to normal colour. Lee had been first on her list before she had even started to make a list. They had been friends straight away, and even though he was a lot older than Sara she had found an instant bond with him. Well, maybe not straight away. Sara had thought he was a bit of a creep at first, she remembered how on her first day he had made some joke about her and she had just stared at him in disbelief. Lee had laughed then, realising, that she wasn't laughing with him had apologised and assured her he was just joking. She liked him and when he had defended her against all the hordes of gossipers who were desperate to gain even the tiniest morsel of information, she had liked him even more.

Lee made sure the office bitches stayed away. After that she had just fallen in love with him, they had so much in common and had immediately become close, talking about music and movies, arguing which ones were the best. Lee's wife, Mary, constantly worried about her especially whether she was eating properly. She had begun by sending extra lunches with Lee to work, then sending in meals for Sara to put in her freezer, but now Sara just had an open invitation to dinner whenever she wanted. Mary always worried that Sara wasn't eating enough but Lee would just laugh and tell her that she 'spoiled her' and that Sara was 'just too tight to buy food' and 'why would she bother cooking when you provide all her meals for her'. Lee and Mary had been married for nearly thirty years, and despite his joking around he loved his wife dearly. Sara would hear him making sneaky phone calls to her, laughing and telling her how much he loved her every day. Loyalty and honesty meant a lot to Sara and although he was a little slower at his work than the others, she could always trust him to work hard and give her his honest opinions. Even if sometimes his opinions weren't wanted!

"It's OK, Lee, I said I would get them, it will only start them off again!" Sara made a move to get the coffees, when Lee stopped her.

"Nah, boss, I will go, I need to walk off the hard on you just gave me anyway." He grunted and grabbed his crotch.

"You're disgusting!" Sara giggled, her breathing now returning to normal. "I don't know how Mary puts up with you, I really don't!"

Lee smiled. "She knows the real me!" He winked and sauntered off to fetch the coffees. Sara slowly sank back into her seat, suddenly conscious of everyone looking at her; as the office returned to normal she noticed Jamie stealthily walking over to her.

"Wow, that was really impressive!" he gushed. "I never knew you had that in you."

"Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Jamie!"

"I do keep trying to find out, Sara." His boyish smile was rubbing off on her.

"Jamie – don't start again!" Her words were harsh but the gentle glow in her cheeks betrayed her. Jamie nodded.

"Fair enough." He surrendered. "Think I might have to join Lee in that walk though!"

Sara snorted, her cheeks were no longer gently glowing, they were flushing all shades of bright crimson.

The shower was calling to Sara when she finally finished work, but she was just so tired she decided to slip into some comfy clothes and chill out first. The girls had driven her mad at the office, Sara just couldn't understand how people could be like that. They were all bitchy and gossiping about someone one minute, and then all best friends the next. All so superficial, she hated it, it made for such a bad atmosphere that it was practically exhausting just being in the same room as them. She stood looking at the heap of clothes that now lay on her floor; she really should get a shower. Piling all her clothes into her wash basket, her thoughts suddenly turned to the home-cooked lasagne she had in her fridge and the urge to shower decreased rapidly.

"Bless you, Mary," she said out loud as she loaded the meal into the oven. Lee's wife had apparently 'made too much by mistake' and so Lee had brought her a dishful. Sara knew that it was a load of rubbish but she loved her all the more for thinking of her. Having her parents living abroad meant that Sara had grown apart from them, so it gave her a warm glow when Mary did things like this for her. There was no mistaking that Lee was her best friend next to Jo and they laughed and did stupid things together, but Mary was definitely more like a mother to her. She made her feel like a little girl in a good way and she was always the first to console her if things went wrong. Maybe she should call Mary to talk about 'The Bastard' getting married, Jo was great but she wasn't able to offer sympathy beyond what a bottle could offer. Plus she had so little time with university, even in the holidays she was bogged down with study and so maybe Sara should stop running to her with all her problems. The smell of the lasagne woke Sara up from her thoughts, it smelt so good. Just as she was finishing it off, the doorbell rang.

"SHIT! Jo, I am so sorry I completely forgot." Sara stood in her doorway in her sloppy clothes whilst Jo stood on the other side scowling at her. Jo was shorter than Sara but she had on a pair of boots that added about six inches to her height. Her long blonde hair was loose, flowing around her shoulders; she wore skin tight leggings and a silk blouse. She looked gorgeous.

"I knew you would forget, you are so totally useless." Jo stood with her hands on her hips. "You have thirty minutes!"

Sara had agreed to go out with Jo and all her new university friends; she was not looking forward to it. She loved Jo but she wouldn't know anyone else and felt uncomfortable talking to people, not to mention the fact that she was older than Jo and her friends. Jo was beautiful and she was...well, she was just Sara. They had met when Jo had worked in sales at Saltec, she never fitted in with all the other women and after working there for just a short spell had decided to go back to university. Jo glared at Sara; she had that look on her face that said Sara did not stand a chance, and so she quickly conceded and began to get ready.

Whilst Sara quickly got a shower, Jo rummaged through her wardrobe. "You really need to go shopping more often; I have offered to take you before, you know!" she yelled in the direction of the bathroom. Sara rolled her eyes as she stood looking in the mirror, trying in vain to put on some mascara; she was useless at this and decided that she really should go to a parlour or something. She had never had that sort of relationship with her mother or had anyone to teach about doing all this sort of stuff. Jo stepped in and took over, chuckling to herself. By the time she had finished, Sara's hair had been curled and her face covered in makeup. Her body had been squeezed into a dress that she hadn't worn for years, and to be honest usually wore it over leggings with a vest underneath. She had been horrified when Jo suggested she wore it without the vest.

"That will mean you can see my chest!" Sara had squealed, outraged.

"What is wrong with you?" Jo scolded, "It's not a crime to wear a dress, and if I had boobs like that I would have them out all the time!"

"You do have yours out all the time!" Sara teased, earning her a good hard slap on the arm from Jo. "It's just not me, and anyway isn't this a bit over the top for a pub?" Sara queried, looking at her alien reflection. She did look good, there was no denying it, not in the slightest bit comfortable, but good. Her dress came to the tops of her knees and was tight around the chest, it was a deep, dark purple and really complemented her mousey brown hair that now cascaded over her shoulders in the most beautiful loose curls. She wanted to wear a black cardigan, but Jo would not let her cover up tonight. Instead, she added a necklace that might as well have had a big arrow on it pointing to her cleavage, that was hauled up high thanks to the bra she was wearing and the snugness of the dress.

"Not over the top in the slightest, if we match it with long boots instead of heels," Jo corrected as she slipped off her knee high boots which had heels anyway! "Give me those black heels that you wore last Christmas, I can pull them off with this!" She checked her watch again. Just Sara's luck that they had the same sized feet, realising she was not going to win Sara conceded again and put on the boots, they left after just thirty one minutes of preparation.

"Please try to make an effort tonight, Sara!" Jo begged as Sara sat in the taxi staring out of the window. "I know you are not confident and don't like meeting new people, but please just try and have a bit of fun. I love the girls and it would mean a lot if we could all hang out together." Sara forced a smile at her friend but inside her stomach was turning somersaults; she was so nervous and wished she could have made an excuse to get out of it. Jo let out a squeal as she spotted her friends over at the bar; Sara let out a long sigh and tottered over to where they were all dancing around each other.

"This is Sara," Jo announced to everyone. To say it was awkward would be an understatement; they were all so much younger than her. Dressed really fashionably, and then there was Sara who looked really ... well...mature was probably the kindest word.

"Hi," Sara offered timidly, "Jo has told me all about you."

"Yeah, back at you," a tall girl replied, not showing the slightest bit of interest. "So are we getting hammered tonight or what?" All the girls giggled and began trying to attract the barman to place their orders.

"Relax...please," Jo whispered. "You're gonna have fun, I promise the girls are a right laugh."

But there was the problem, they were all girls. Sara tried to join in but they talked about university and courses and the boys on their course and who had slept with whom, what they were doing in the holidays. After an hour or so Sara was ready to head off home, she sat miserably at the bar whilst all the others were on the dance floor, Jo had tried in vain to get Sara to dance, but Sara was having none of it. Walking in the ridiculously high-heeled boots was one thing, dancing in them was something else entirely. She was just contemplating how to sneak out without Jo worrying, when she heard a familiar voice.

"Well, well, well, don't you scrub up nice!"

Oh my God, what was he doing here? It wasn't exactly a posh place, just a pub with a dance floor really, Sara's breath caught as she slowly turned to see Tom staring at her. Wow, he stood there in jeans and a white shirt looking like he had stepped out of a magazine, a smile leisurely spread across his face.

"Don't tell me, I've shocked you again," he chuckled.

Sara's knees nearly gave way, he was so handsome. What on earth was he doing flirting with her? Maybe he wasn't flirting, maybe he was like this with everyone. "Yes," Sara told herself that was probably more like it.

"Hi," Sara managed. "Didn't think I would ever see you in a place like this!" She screwed up her nose as she looked around the grotty bar that was filled with students.

"Are you trying to say that you think I'm a snob?"

"No ...erm...I just mean we are probably the oldest people in here," she corrected.

"So, now you're saying I'm old!" He faked a hurtful expression.

"No no, of course not, I just...well... the way you dress and everything and Jo says you usually..." Sara stopped in her tracks before she said anything she might regret. Again that wicked smile appeared and his eyes shone.

"So, you have been checking up on me have you?" He leaned on the bar and placed his head against his hand, tilting it slightly, he was amused at this she could tell.

"Not in the slightest, I just heard things when you first moved to the department, that's all!"

"Oh and there was me thinking you were interested in me!"

"I am...I mean not like that ...I mean." Oh good grief, she was babbling like a fool, she decided to cut her losses and downed the rest of her drink. "Anyway, I was just about to leave." She stood, frantically looking for Jo.

"That's a shame," Tom said looking her up and down. "That is a real shame." He walked away without saying another word. Sara stood aghast, watching him weave through the crowd towards the exit. He confused her every time they spoke, on the one hand she had such a crush on him and was probably gushing all over him every time he came near, but on the other hand he seemed to flirt back with her. The way he had looked at her tonight just made her toes curl but then he had just walked out!

Sara finally found Jo grinding against some poor boy, and told her she was leaving.

"Sara, you haven't even given it a chance, come on, stay," Jo pleaded.

"Jo, I don't fit in here please, I just want to go, it's fine, these are your friends not mine, you don't have to include me in everything." Jo looked really sad but nodded, Sara gave her a big hug to let her know it was OK, but as she left the bar she felt so alone. Jo had moved on, started a new life and that was great. Sara was happy that she had new friends, Jo was an unbelievable friend and Sara loved her dearly, but whilst Jo had lots of friends Sara only had the one and tonight just proved that things were changing. Jo was trying desperately to include Sara in her new life but she shouldn't have to, Sara was not a kid and she didn't need to be looked after. Jo needed to be young, be with young people and do crazy stuff, and Sara was not someone that she could do that with, as much as she tried to. With a heavy heart she pulled out her mobile to call a cab.

"I could save you the taxi fare if you like." Tom stood leaning against his car, his arms folded across his chest. He looked good enough to eat. The shadows of the car park were making him look very mysterious, his face almost hidden in the dark. Not that she needed to see his face to be able to recognise him, his silhouette sent shivers down her spine every time she saw him pace around his office. Had he waited for her to leave? Surely, this was not a coincidence. There was just a faint orange glow from the streetlight that bounced off his broad shoulders giving no more than a silhouette of his frame, Sara was mesmerised. What was it with this guy? She couldn't stop herself whenever he was around. Big decision to make, get in the car or not, it's not like he was going to attack her or anything but wouldn't it be nice if he did. He saw her indecision and opened the passenger door, then moved around to the driver's side and got in, closing his door behind him.

"Oh flip, what I do now?" she muttered, the open door inviting her inside.

"You could just throw caution to the wind and get in," he answered for her from inside. She stood for a few moments trying to decide.

"Oh what the hell," Sara declared, and entered the waiting car.

As Tom drove her home they were both quiet, Sara didn't know what to say. It was not exactly how she had imagined the car journey was going to be; she was a little bit tipsy and was worried she might throw too much caution to the wind. "I have a confession to make," Tom finally said when they pulled up to her door, Sara eyed him wearily. "I knew you would be here tonight, I overheard you talking to Lee about it the other day, I'm sorry."

"That's OK," Sara said, relieved that it was just that he was confessing to, an array of other scenarios had already run through her mind. "I wish you would have reminded me because I totally forgot about it, Jo had a fit when she turned up and I was in my slops!"

"How could you forget? Lee said you were really nervous about it, meeting all Jo's friends."

"I know but... hang on when did you talk to Lee about it? And why come here just because I was?" Sara's mind spun, she had talked to Lee about it, he had told her to stop being pathetic and go find a nice bloke! But Tom hadn't been anywhere near. She had thought it really odd that Tom was there, it was a really grotty place with cheap beer and plastic cups but never had she even considered that he was there because of her.

Tom hung his head. "I'm sorry, it's just we were talking and I mentioned that I had overheard and he told me about how you felt, he's very protective over you." Sara's heart lifted, she really did like Lee. "Anyway I just wanted to see if you were OK, offer you a get out clause if you needed one. Us oldies have to stick together you know!" His eyes finally met Sara's. "I guess I have been thinking about you a lot lately."

"Are you having a laugh?" Sara sniggered, "You have been thinking of me, of all people, ME!"

He reached over and held her jaw in his hand, moving in really close. "Why not you? You are smart, funny and not to mention really beautiful. Why wouldn't I notice you?" His eyes moved from her face down to where her cleavage was very much on show, he growled his approval.

Sara held her breath, finally expelling it when he let go, every nerve in her body was now on edge. She had to get out of the car before she did something really stupid. Without another word, she opened her door silently and stepped out. As she turned to say goodbye, Tom leaned over and shouted out of the window, "I hope you miss your bus tomorrow, Ms Ryan," and with that he drove away.

#  Chapter 4

Sara's day at work went by without incident; most people were suddenly talking to her, complimenting her on her shoes, or outfit. 'Predictable animals,' she thought, she could have turned up in her running clothes and they would still gush all over her. She was far too consumed with the impending meeting with Tom to worry about the shallow co-workers now hovering around her. When Sara had first started, everyone had been round her like flies, trying to dig out information about her, it had been overwhelming. She had no desire to get involved with all the bitching and so had stayed out of their way, kept her head down, kept herself to herself. Eventually they had all got bored and left her alone, starting on the next poor soul. It did mean, however, that she had not met anyone else at the company or been able to make friends but she was OK with that, well not OK, but what could she do? Her life was not going to plan.

Jo had called to make sure she had got home OK. Sara didn't feel like going into details about what had happened so just changed subjects and talked about how Jo's night was, of course she had had a ball. She loved uni life and it seemed to love her, and although Sara felt left out she was happy for her, besides she had her meeting with Tom to deal with. As planned, she had seen his car waiting for her at the bus stop and they had chatted all the way to work, he was so funny, telling her about a comedian he'd seen and was doing the impressions, retelling the stories. Sara had laughed so much but now she had to attend a private meeting, she wasn't sure why that felt so different but it did. When he had emailed her he had told her there was an important meeting he had to attend, and so could she hang on a couple of hours after work and they could have a chat about her promotion? She had completed all her work and had been waiting at her desk for over an hour now. All the girls had just looked at her as they left, frowning.

"Aren't you going home?" they asked.

"Thought you'd done all your work today?"

Sara had no desire to tell them what was going on. "I'm just waiting for my lift," she lied. The girls had left whispering to each other things that Sara couldn't hear, probably didn't want to, either. She jumped three feet in the air when she heard Tom's voice.

"Sara, I'm so glad you could hang on, I'm sorry the meeting went on longer than I thought." They walked through the empty maze of desks towards Tom's office, he held the door open for Sara as she slowly edged past him. It had not gone unnoticed that his secretary had already left for the evening, leaving the work floor completely empty of staff. Tom's office was a moderate size, very modern looking with white walls and bright orange wall lights. It contained a large, wooden glass topped desk with a huge leather chair sitting behind. There were pictures on every wall and weird ornaments arranged on floating shelves. Sara thought it very odd that he had no books or bookcases anywhere, it just seemed very strange and made the office feel very weird to her. In front of the desk there was a smaller chair, Sara moved to sit there but Tom took her arm, guiding her away from it.

"I thought we'd be more comfortable sitting over here, if you don't mind, I've been behind a desk all day," he complained, and led her over to a white leather sofa at the side of the office. On a small table to the side, drinks had already been prepared, two glasses of whiskey on ice.

"I hope you like whiskey I have a quite a large collection, it is my little treat to myself," he confessed. "I don't collect art and I don't have any ex-wives to spend my money on but I do have a disgustingly expensive collection of whiskeys." _Yes and women_ , Sara thought. Tom closed the blinds, shutting the office floor out from behind her, then leisurely walked over to the small table to retrieve his glass. Tom held the glass up to his nose and inhaled deeply, the sound that came from his throat made Sara's eyes widen. She tried to distract herself from the erotic noises he was making.

"I'm more of a rum and coke girl," she blurted out, grabbing the glass that he held out to her, "...but I guess I'll give it a go." When she took a gulp of the liquid, Tom almost fainted.

"Oh my good God, girl, it is not a beer!" He flew over to her and snatched the glass from her hand, horrified at her actions. Taking a deep breath, he began again.

"Right, let me show you how to do this properly, take the glass in your hand." Tom placed the whiskey glass into her right hand then instructed her to close her eyes. Sara looked at him, panicked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Don't worry, Sara." He moved behind the sofa and leaned over the back, whispering into her ear, "I promise I don't bite." Jesus, Sara had never felt like this in her entire life, she felt like she had been asleep and was now just waking up, her senses on full alert. This man got her so turned on just talking to her. Her heart was racing and she suddenly was finding it difficult to breathe and good grief, why had it got so warm? What had come over her? Never in all the years with 'The Bastard' had she ever felt like this before, she was acting like the girly girls in the office.

Reluctantly Sara closed her eyes, imagining him kissing her, hoping that he wouldn't, this could mess up any chance of her promotion permanently. Tom's hand rested on her shoulder making her jump slightly, he slowly slid it down her arm and caressed her hand; his head remained to her ear so that he could give her instructions. Sara thought she was going to explode there and then when he slowly exhaled his warm breath so close to her neck, so close but not touching. She wanted him now, blow the promotion. Where was that voice coming from? She hoped it was in her head and not coming out of her mouth. "Slowly lift your glass and smell deeply," he instructed, his voice so low vibrating every hair on her neck. Breathing so deeply she wondered if he was watching her breasts rise and fall, his sharp inhalation indicated he was. With no more words he moved around from the back of the sofa, she opened her eyes secretly yearning for him to return to her neck. "You know the best way to taste this properly is on the tongue, Sara." He knelt down in front of her and took the glass from her hand, Sara's breathing was now so fast that she felt herself go dizzy. He smiled and took a long slow sip of the drink.

Mesmerised, Sara stared at those lips slowly sucking on the glass, his tongue licking off any drops. She almost didn't notice him rise, so slowly that it was painful. Tom stopped just in front of her face, daring her to close the distance. "I wanted to do this the other night in the bar, you looked so beautiful, Sara." Sara stared into his searing brown eyes, her mouth so dry now, and leant forward. His lips met hers, and gently with his tongue he brushed her bottom lip, encouraging her to open her mouth, when she did she was flooded with sensations. The strong taste of the whiskey and the silkiness of his tongue twirling around hers had desire building up inside her.

"Bollocks!" she muttered to herself and slid her hands up his arms and around his neck, she needed him so badly every part of her ached, parts she hadn't felt ache in a long, long time. Tom thrust his hands under Sara and pulled her down onto his lap, his erection now all too apparent.

"Sara," he moaned as he pulled her hips towards him. Hearing him call her name drove her insane, she began kissing him more, more passionately pulling his tongue into her mouth, sucking on it whilst she slowly ground her hips against him. "Shit! Sara, you need to stop." Tom's words cut deeply and Sara pulled back to look at him; oh no, what had she done? Had she misread what he wanted? She slid off his knee and adjusted herself feeling totally humiliated.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." She stopped herself when she saw his expression; he was looking at her like a wild animal. His eyes moved from her ankles slowly upwards until he finally met her eyes, there was a shocked expression on his face.

"I'm so sorry, Sara, I nearly...I mean that...this...is all too much." He put his head in his hands and moved to the sofa. Sara suddenly realised what he was saying, he thought she was doing this for the promotion! Rage replaced the desire she had just felt.

"Oh. My. God! What do you take me for?" she screeched. "You think I would do this just to get a promotion? How dare you!" She turned to storm out of his office. "Give the promotion to someone else, I don't need it, fuck you and fuck this job, Tom!"

"Again the ladylike language returns." He removed his hands and smiled at her, shaking his head. "I didn't mean it like that and I don't think that of you, I just meant ..." He drifted off again, Sara stood tapping her foot.

"Well, you just what?" she demanded, now forcing back tears of anger.

"I nearly lost myself, lost control, I don't do that often – lose control, I mean, I don't want to rush anything, Sara, I just... I just meant to seduce you!" Sara blinked hard, disbelieving what she was hearing. Was he ashamed? "I was supposed to seduce you here tonight but I meant to seduce your senses, not nearly have you here on the company rug! I don't...I don't like to lose control like that." Again he held his head down low like a scolded child.

"I wasn't... completely... innocent in this, you know," she replied furrowing her brow, moving over to sit next to him on the sofa, "I got a bit carried away." Both sat in silence for what seemed an eternity, Sara was so embarrassed by her actions, she didn't know what had come over her. Never had she done anything like that before, acted so rashly, she decided that it was best to speak first. "I think I should apologise," she began, "I don't know what's come over me lately, I had a bit of shocking news lately that has kind of set me thinking about stuff, I guess."

Tom looked up at her and tilted his head slightly. "Bad news?" he asked. Sara sat back on the sofa; was it bad news? Was she really that bothered that 'The Bastard' had moved on? Or was she just jealous? Yes, now she thought about it, that seemed more like it.

"I think....I think I just wanted to do something crazy to make myself feel better about...the news...I guess, I went a bit out of control. Sorry again, I'm so embarrassed. I am really sorry." Sara stood up to leave, unable to look at Tom in the face; he rose up to meet her.

"I should say sorry, Sara, I feel really bad about this." He blinked heavily, and to Sara he really did seem to be sorry. "I like you, don't get me wrong, I do, I just wasn't expecting...."

"Me to launch myself at you," Sara finished his sentence for him, she shook her head and began to laugh, she was such an idiot, what the hell was she doing? "Oh God, what would you have done if I hadn't stopped?" she suddenly asked, shocked by her own actions. Tom smiled.

"Don't get me wrong, Sara, I would have thoroughly enjoyed myself, but that is definitely not what I had planned for you this evening." He finally began to smile back at her. She was so embarrassed; this was her boss, a man she hardly knew. She threw herself back onto the sofa again, hiding her head in the cushions in shame. "Sara, you kissed me, you didn't do anything else." Tom pulled the cushions away from her face. "I over-reacted a bit, you just shocked me that's all, I had it all planned in my head how this seduction was going to go, you just threw me for six, that's all." His slow chuckle coaxed Sara out from the cushions where she hid. "Can we just start this again?" he pleaded.

Sara sat up straight and tried to compose herself; trying to find a bit of dignity she asked, "OK, if this evening was to go to plan, how would have you seduced me?"

Tom's eyes widened, oh good, now this was more like it, he was back in control again, back to plan A, 'The seduction of Sara.' "I wanted you to taste the whiskey, slowly, gently allowing my tongue to caress yours with the taste." He stood up and moved in front of her once more; taking her hand, he lifted her to stand. "I would have kissed your hands. Like this." His lips brushed her hands then he slowly turned them over. "Then like this," he pressed the palm of her hand to his mouth. Sara let out a little gasp unintentionally, his eyes shone as he looked at her expression, giving her hands gentle kisses. He moved his way up to her wrists, allowing his tongue to sweep over the sensitive veins. Sara sucked in her lips spellbound, this was the most erotic thing she had ever felt and all he was doing was kissing her hands. "I would then go on to kiss you here." His breath tickled her arm as he blew gently into the crease of her elbow.

"Where would you go then?" she questioned, her voice wavering. If he wasn't careful she was going to start the attack all over again.

Again he showed her the grin of a devil, and once again she could not breathe. "I would have to move over to here," he said as his head moved across her chest, his hot breath burning her as he skimmed over her, never actually touching. Sara's mouth opened and an unexpected moan left her, never had she been touched like this although strictly speaking he wasn't touching her. Tom watched every expression on Sara's face knowing how he was affecting her, his plan was working despite the initial hiccup. "Then I would have to decide what would be going too far for a first date seduction." Tom pulled away leaving Sara feeling drained, aching in every inch of her body.

"Date? I thought this was supposed to be a meeting?" Sara pondered. "It's a real shame that you are a gentleman, Tom," Sara barely whispered, "Couldn't we just skip straight to the fifth or sixth date?" Where was this coming from? She was shocking herself by what she was saying. She was by no means a confident person but here she was being...well, being all... sexy! And after all that had gone on before, she was at it again! "Bloody hell, I have no shame!" she chastised herself, and made another mental note to find out where the hell that inner voice was coming from because it certainly wasn't her, and was making her feel like a tart! She didn't even know this man.

"Ah!" he sighed, "I don't think that you're quite ready for what I would do to you then, Sara." He let out a low growl, "But after tonight I'm now not so sure who would shock whom."

What had she got herself involved in? Was he serious? Did she care? Was he just getting his own back for her launching herself at him? Oh no, she'd never done anything like this before, she had no idea what to do and suddenly became aware of her inexperience in this area. Aware that Tom was her boss, aware that she really did not know anything about him. If he did try to do things to her, what would she do? Would she let him? Oh, but his eyes, his eyes could make her do anything. "I can see that I have given you a lot to think about, Sara, maybe we should get back to business and resume this particular discussion another time, are you free on Thursday?"

And with that it was back to work, he discussed what he expected her to take on with the new accounts, that he wanted her to select her own team and manage it effectively. They talked about training support to help her be an effective team leader, and the sort of salary she could expect. When the meeting ended he shook her hand and led her to the office door.

"Thank you, Sara, I'm sure it will be a successful and natural progression within the company for you."

Sara looked at him, confused and still frustrated, but to save her dignity played along. "Thank you, Mr Blakley, I really appreciate the opportunity," she stated with the entire business manner she could muster. As she turned to leave, he stretched out his hand and stroked the edge of her thigh. He had never felt like this before, he couldn't keep his hands off her, she was so enticing. He had dated many beautiful women, stunning women who dressed to impress and would do anything for him in and out of the bedroom. So why was this woman attracting him so much? She reacted to the slightest touch, even things he said seemed to excite her, she intrigued him, he wanted to educate her, show her all the things he could do to her but that was wrong, he had to keep a distance.

"It is going to be very difficult for me, Sara, you understand that, don't you? I need to keep business as usual, I don't want to do anything that may affect your career prospects." His hand moved around to the back of her leg then grazed her inner thigh through the skirt she was wearing, Sara shivered whilst Tom gasped a little, just one more touch of her soft skin.

"I understand, Mr Blakeley, I have no intention of telling anyone what has happened tonight," she turned to stare straight at him.

"You are very close to Lee, though, and if he is going to be your right hand man..." Sara stopped him before he went any further.

"Believe me!" her eyes widened, "I would not tell Lee any of this, EVER. He'd just take the mickey out of me anyway!" she smirked.

"I will look forward to Thursday, Sara, I will be thinking of some interesting ways to seduce you further."

#  Chapter 5

Jo was sitting at the end of Sara's sofa, listening to every word she said. "Then what did you do?" she asked, her eyes nearly bulging out on stalks.

"What could I do?" Sara quizzed, laughing at her friend's expression, "I turned and walked out of the office."

"Bloody hell, Sara, you total temptress you," Jo squealed, falling back onto the sofa in disbelief at her friend's dilemma and her actions.

Sara had called Jo as soon as she got home, not knowing what the hell had come over her or what the hell to do next. She had no other friends to confide in other than Jo, it also helped that Jo had worked with Tom in sales before she left and he transferred to Sara's department. Her mother and father had moved abroad years ago and as much as they had tried to keep in touch, they were not close enough as a family to survive it and had just drifted apart. Sara still called them every few months and sent gifts at Christmas but visits didn't happen anymore. "So, Miss Slut Face, pizza or Chinese tonight?" Jo asked, "My student loan has come through so it's my treat, unless of course Mary has left you any treats in your fridge?" she added hopefully. Sara pulled a face at her and stuck out her tongue.

"I can cook things myself, you know, I don't completely rely on Mary's food parcels!" The amused look on Jo's face made her shut up. "OK, you get pizza and I'll get the wine!" She moved to get her purse.

"I thought I left you two bottles here the other day, Sara?" Jo stared at her, astounded. "You can't have drunk them already? Good grief, Sara!"

"Ah yes...well... there was a good reason for that." Sara launched into an explanation about 'The Bastard' and the invitation, but now it seemed like a lifetime ago, so much had happened in between. It just didn't seem as important as it did the other night. As she retold the story she found herself finding it funny rather than upsetting. Jo had found a new heartthrob, and had Sara in hysterics as she told her all about her failed attempts to get him to notice her; they drank and talked into the early hours of the morning. Thank God, it was Saturday; Jo and Sara had demolished three bottles of wine and some stuff that Sara had been given last Christmas. A very loud, drunk Jo had got a taxi home, leaving Sara to face the mother of all hangovers by herself.

"Why do I do it to myself?" she moaned aloud, grabbing her forehead in an attempt to block out the hammering in her head. She staggered forward to her bathroom and immediately threw up; being drunk was just not worth feeling like this anymore! A long shower and several bacon butties later began to see Sara almost human again, she had flicked through the TV channels summarising that there was 'bog all' on a Saturday morning. She could watch a film, normally she would go for a run but that was definitely off the cards today, not in her delicate state. Today called for a PJ day. Selecting her comfiest pyjamas, pink fleece with penguins on, and screwing her long mousey hair up into a loose bun, she headed to the bathroom to scrub her teeth. Again! Staring at the reflection she really did not understand what had happened the other night, she was OK looking, she knew that. She had long mousey brown hair and blue eyes, she was not tall but could pull off OK with heels, and her running kept her slim but she was nothing compared to the sales girls that Tom was usually seen with. Not according to the ones Jo had described to her, the ones she had seen him with. She slumped her shoulders deciding she needed to get to a salon and learn how to do make up and her hair, when there was a knock at the door. Oh, what had Jo forgotten now? Her jaw hit the floor when she opened the door to find Tom staring directly at her.

"Nice PJs," he grinned, eying her up and down appreciatively.

Oh shit, what was he doing here? Why now, when she was dressed like this? How the hell do you pull sexy off in penguin PJ's?

"As nice as your doorway is, Sara, it would be nicer if you invited me in." He held up a box, "I have brought lunch to sweeten the deal!" Sara shuffled backwards, good grief, it was lunchtime and she wasn't even dressed yet.

"Erm, my friend and I had a bit of a long night last night," she tried to justify. "I'm just trying to recover from it." Tom stood listening, his head tilted slightly in that adorable stance with amusement at Sara's babbling. Bugger it! This was her house, well, flat, well bedsit. Why should she apologise for what she did in her own house? She began to get a little annoyed at the way she was feeling. "Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought we had agreed on Thursday!" she accused, now getting irate.

"I know, Sara," Tom answered, and his head dropped a little. "I thought about it and the truth is...I just couldn't wait that long to see you again!"

Oh my! Sara's mouth began to get dry and the all too familiar feeling started brewing below. This was very quickly replaced with horror, as she realised her bed was still pulled out and so Tom had nowhere to sit. She rushed to straighten her blankets and attempted to fold her bed up into a sofa again. "Here, let me help you," Tom offered, grinning like a cat. "Wouldn't want you to get the impression I was here for a different reason, would we!" His eyes glistened mischievously. Sara giggled nervously, thankful when the bed finally fell into place and was a sofa again. Tom began looking over her bookcases, reading all the titles, "Mmm, nice reading material." Picking up a book he began to flick through the pages, "Have you read it?" Sara looked at the book in his hand and blushed, well, glowed a fire red would be more like it.

"Oh no, my friend Jo dropped it off for me to read said I would enjoy it." Actually, what Jo had said was...

' _You have to read this book, it is the best book I have ever read, I laughed, cried and, oh lady, it will open your eyes!'_ But she was not about to tell him that!

His mouth twitched, "You should definitely read it, let me know what you think. I haven't read it myself but I have heard a lot about it." His eyes darted to the other books on the shelves, "It's not your usual reading material, is it?" He ran his fingers along the spines of the many books, finally arriving on all her romance books, but thankfully made no more comments.

Sara's collection was wide and varied; she loved her books, they were like art to her, things of beauty to look at feel and touch, to admire. They took her away from her life and into another world where her problems disappeared. When Sara read a book, a good book, she could lose herself, time meant nothing, all that mattered was the story, she would see herself in the plot, see it acted out in front of her. Her bookcases were like her soul on display for everyone to see, mixtures of all genres, complicated plots and classics, funny stories and life tragedies. "So, lunch," Tom said suddenly, making her jump, he looked around her tiny room looking for somewhere to put it all.

"Erm, sorry," Sara apologised, beginning to be embarrassed about her humble home. Tom, however, just smiled; grabbing a blanket off the back of her sofa, he laid it out on the floor.

"Why don't we just have an indoor picnic?" Just like that he began spreading the food out on the blanket as if they were in a field in the middle of nowhere on a summer's day. Sara stood watching him, standing there in her pyjamas whilst he was dressed impeccably laying out a picnic! Could it be that he did like her? That it wasn't a wind up and it was real? He gently took her hand and pulled her down to sit next to him. "Have you tried sushi before?" he asked.

Sara shook her head, "I don't like raw fish," she confessed.

"Not all sushi is raw fish; these are mostly vegetables, chicken. Here try this." Tom picked up a small parcel of food that Sara thought looked so pretty, like a little present. She reached up to take it from him but he swatted her hand away and placed the parcel directly into her mouth. It tasted so good, so many different flavours exploding on her tongue. Tom stared at her mouth whilst she slowly chewed, then finally he lifted his gaze back to her face. "Good?" he asked. Sara nodded and wondered how the hell she was going to make it through this meal. Everything he did just set her on fire; everything was so sensual it was as if her senses had gone into overdrive. She wondered if he felt the same, if he felt as turned on as she felt right now. He raised another piece of food gently to her mouth and she allowed her tongue to escape so that he could place the food directly onto it. As she took it back into her mouth his finger caressed her lower lip, lightly stroking it. He licked his lips, his tongue lingering, mirroring what his finger was doing. Sara let out an unconscious soft moan and Tom suddenly sat back. "Gosh, it's getting really hot in here isn't it, erm, would you like a glass of wine? Or maybe you would prefer water!" he chuckled, remembering her hangover.

"Just water, please," Sara asked, barely able to speak, her mouth now full with food.

After the sushi was a selection of fruits, strawberries, raspberries, melon, it was all delicious. There was something that felt so naughty about eating with just their fingers. After everything had been consumed, Sara began to clear away. "So how's your head now, Sara?" Tom asked. Sara had completely forgotten about her hangover, Tom was such lovely company. They had talked and talked about her life, she had completely opened up to him, it had been so cathartic. He had listened intently, not interrupted, just listened and agreed or disagreed with her opinions. It had been heavenly. She had talked about her family, how they weren't close, her relationship with 'The Bastard' and he had not laughed once at the fact that he had been her one and only long term relationship. He nodded when she talked about Jo, he remembered her and said that she had been 'colourful'. Sara had laughed, that was definitely Jo. It had just been...nice. "I'm sorry, Sara, but work calls," Tom sighed, standing to get his coat, she wished he didn't have to leave, it had been a most unexpected afternoon.

"No, I'm sorry, I've talked on and on," Sara apologised. "Did you come round for anything in particular? Is there something I need to do?" She had meant it in a work context but the sly look on Tom's face made her realise that he had taken it as something else entirely.

"I meant work-wise!" she emphasized.

"I know you did."

"Really?"

"Yes really, Sara, but I have to say those penguin PJ's really have thrown me off altogether!"

"Very funny!"

"I need to get going, thank you for having lunch with me, Sara."

"You're welcome, but what did you really come round for?"

"You!"

Sara's gaze fell to her feet as her face flushed all the colours of the rainbow, and Tom smiled at her reaction. How did she do that? How did this woman show every emotion she was having at every moment she had it? He could tell exactly how she was feeling simply by looking into her eyes, studying her face, there were no games with Sara, no guessing or lying, she was adorable. "Till Thursday, sweet Sara."

"You said that last time!"

"Yes I did, let's see if I can keep away from you this time."

#  Chapter 6

Sara spent Sunday in a daze; she had cleaned the flat and then spent a few hours reading, for once she had found herself looking forward to work in the morning, looking forward to seeing Tom again. Well not just him, she was actually looking forward to the new role she was taking on. The thought of more responsibility and different duties was quite exciting. She had thought about calling Jo, desperate to tell her what had happened, but had decided against it. Jo had started a new life at university; she had made new friends and was out socialising with them a lot, not to mention all the work she now had to keep on top of. She relied on Jo too much, she was always popping over and always on the phone and was the best friend she had ever had, but Sara need to take a step back and let Jo have a life without her. Maybe she could go to the pub and see if she could make some new friends. No definitely not, the only people in the pub on a Sunday were people who spent EVERY Sunday in the pub! Her dilemma was resolved when Mary had called her.

"Sara, honey, would you believe it, I have gone and cooked a full chicken and Lee is telling me off saying it will just get wasted. I realise you probably have better places to be, but I don't suppose you could come and help us out, could you?"

Sara laughed as Lee pulled up to the flat, "You know she bought that chicken on purpose!" he complained. "I think it's a turkey in disguise! Like I don't see you enough at work!"

"Oh, stop moaning, you're just jealous that your wife loves me more than you!" He was about to retort when a song came on the radio. "Oh, I love this song!" Sara exclaimed.

"No way, you are way too young to remember this one." Lee was shocked but then broke out into song, even when they pulled up to Lee's house they both stayed in the car singing away until the song ended. "Mary, dearest, your charity case is here...again," Lee shouted as he walked in. Mary came out from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron then holding them out to Sara welcomingly that Sara didn't hesitate and embraced her warmly.

"Thanks so much for inviting me to dinner, Mary," Sara said as she finally took a step back.

"My dear, you do not need an invitation, you are always welcome here, despite what grumpy guts over there tells you!" she added, swiping Lee on his arm. "Come and help me." Sara followed her into the kitchen where she was set to work peeling carrots. "So tell me what's happening with you?" she asked kindly. Sara told her all about Jo and about meeting her new friends; Mary listened and nodded in agreement when Sara told her Jo needed younger friends. By the time they were serving the food they had both put the world to rights, confirming that Jo was a good friend but Sara was doing the right thing by backing off a bit, and that Sara was better off without 'The Bastard'. The only subject that hadn't been addressed was Tom, Sara was not going to jeopardise Lee's promotion prospects by telling Mary what was going on, she knew there were no secrets between them.

"So, you look all glowing, Sara, dare I suggest that you may have a man in your life?" Mary asked as she loaded seconds onto Sara's plate. Sara blushed and Lee shot her a dirty look.

"There had better not be! I want to meet all new man prospects. You have bad judgement when it comes to men." Lee shook his finger at her, aggravated.

"Like she would ever tell you who she was seeing, Lee, you'd just go and embarrass the poor girl and scare the boy off!" Mary chastised. Sara laughed.

"Well?" Lee pushed.

"No, well not really...well sort of... I mean it might turn into something, it's early days," Sara attempted to explain. Mary smiled and continued eating her meal, and no more was said about it.

Sara loved it at Lee's house. It felt like a real family gathering as if she was coming home. Lee was a mad uncle constantly making fun of her and Mary was the loving mum, always asking if she was eating enough. Did she have a boyfriend? Was her flat warm enough? It was a lovely feeling. Sara had never had that with her parents, it was strange but she had never felt that close to them, they had always been polite to each other and loved each other in their own way, but there was never the warmth that she felt from Mary and Lee. "Are you staying here tonight?" Mary asked as they all sat stuffed and sleepy in the lounge, but as much as she wanted to, Sara felt she should go. Mary was dozing in the chair and Sara felt like she was trying to stay awake just for her so she didn't seem rude.

"I have a load of stuff to do, Mary, but thanks." Nope, she didn't really have anything to do and after Lee dropped her off she decided she would just have to disappear into a book again, go off and take part in someone else's story. Who knows, maybe her own story was developing now with Tom, a little adventure of her own....it had taken long enough.

A familiar voice called out behind her as she waited for the bus Monday morning, she had prayed she would hear it but hadn't dared wish it for fear of disappointment.

"I was just passing," Tom said casually. Sara grinned and walked around to the side of his car and got in. As usual Tom dropped Sara off before the gates at work, she thanked him for the lift and he playfully tapped her bottom as she got out.

"Morning, Carol," Sara offered cheerily as she passed through the reception.

"Somebody looks in a good mood!" The security guard grinned as he held the door open for her. She didn't dignify the remark with a response, just grinned like a daft fool. As she walked through the office she tried in vain to fix her face, maybe Lee wouldn't notice.

"Holy crap, this is getting ridiculous!" Lee complained, throwing more orders into his tray; the pile was now towering over his cubicle. "Sara, we can't deal with all these, we need some more help!" Sara looked over at him, it had been the first time they had spoken all morning, he was right, the workload was getting huge, it had begun almost immediately. The orders that were coming through came thick and fast and had done so for the past few days. The blonde still didn't speak to them, just snarled that each order was a rush as she piled them onto Lee's desk. She knew that Tom had seen her snotty behaviour, because when she next saw the blonde she was with Tom in his office and it did not look friendly at all! She was trying to say something but Sara could see that Tom was not letting her get a word in, then he threw a file back in her face and practically shoved her out of his office. Like a knight in shining armour, he defended her honour. The blonde didn't really bother Sara and Lee after that, just left little notes inside the files for them. It was not just the number of orders that was causing so much stress, but the volume of the orders that Sara and Lee struggled with. It wasn't just two or three things but pages of parts and services, things Sara had never heard of before. All they could do was just enter them onto the system as quickly as possible. Tom understood how hectic it was getting and had spent most of his nights checking all the orders for her and processing the invoices, she would never have been able to manage it all without him. Some of the orders were so technical she simply didn't have the knowledge to know if all the parts were ordered or if more were needed. Tom had been a lifesaver.

At first Sara had just handed the files over, but now she felt so guilty that she had begun staying behind with him. He would work in his office and Sara would clear up all her paperwork in her little cubicle but she could see him from where she sat, and every now and again he would look to see where she was and offer her one of his delicious smiles. It also meant that when he had finished they could spend a little time together, talking and...well, other things. Sara was still in disbelief that a man as handsome as Tom could be interested in her but slowly and surely, she was believing it. She would find little post-it notes on her desk with nothing written on them, just a little drawing. A doodle of a penguin was waiting for her on her desk this morning, she grinned and held it close to her chest, he was so gorgeous, she was falling hard and fast for this man.

"Lee, I'm having a word with Tom on Thursday and we will try and get more help, I promise," she added. "We just need to try and keep on top of placing the orders, he will help us with the rest."

Lee gave her an odd look, "So, it's 'Tom' now, is it!"

"Erm, no I mean Mr Blakley, I just....it was a slip of the tongue!"

"It's none of my business, Sara, you know that but..."

Sara shook her head, "Don't, it's not what you think, just forget it!" Lee stared at her a moment longer then sighed and went back to his orders, Sara's bright red face told him everything he needed to know, and he did not like it. Through all his joking he was really fond of Sara and often spoke of her to his wife, this did not sit well with him. He had meant it when he had told her she had bad taste in men, and getting involved with your boss was never a good idea, but if she said it wasn't like that then he believed her.

"You do know it's Thursday today, don't you?" he added from behind his piles of work.

"Shit!" How had that crept up on her? She anxiously looked at her calendar, of course it was Thursday! Suddenly she was having trouble concentrating; orders were blurring as she began to think of her meeting with Tom and began counting down the hours. Even though she saw him most days and nights, time was limited, but tonight they would have a few hours together and Sara could not wait.

"Tom. I need to talk to you about the workload," Sara attempted but Tom had other ideas, his head was buried in her neck and he was kissing her ever so gently.

"Are you sure you really want to talk about work?" he murmured against her, teasing her with his tongue. Her head began to spin and she struggled to stay focused. "I could spend hours just on this little spot here, just hours..." His voice trailed off as his kisses returned to her neck, just under her ear where he knew the slightest of touch could make her cheek glow, his hand began to slide around her waist circling her hip.

It's funny how things just happen, in just a short time Sara had gone from admiring Tom from afar, to wanting to be with him every minute of the day. After her embarrassing attempt to throw herself at him they had agreed to take things slowly, but every time she was near him it was so exciting. He made her feel special, and flattered her all the time, making her feel the most important person in his world. He was always worried about her, about her career, he made her think that she could do anything and now, here they were like they were most nights after work, snuggled up on the sofa kissing. Thinking about how stressed out Lee was becoming and how he was working late nearly every night, made her focus and sit up. Before she said anything, Tom was speaking.

"I know how mental it is at the moment, but trust me, it is not going unnoticed, you and Lee are coping, I have asked for more staff and it is in the pipeline but paperwork and red tape take time, baby!" Sara melted at him calling her 'baby', he grinned. "I am helping as much as I can, Sara, and will continue to; I promise you I will not let you fail on this!" That was it, he had hit the nail on the head, she loved all the pressure, loved the role but was petrified of failing. Tom had worked through the night ensuring all her orders were processed on time, and it was working. Taking her hand in his Tom gently kissed it, turning it over he kissed her wrists slowly, moving up her arm to eventually kiss her mouth. Sara sighed at the deliciously warm feeling he gave her every time, how relaxed she felt around him. He pulled her back to the sofa and held her in his arms.

"Hey, I was just thinking, have you ever been to a casino before?" Sara shook her head excitedly. "Well, I happen to have been very lucky lately and wondered if you would like to come with me one night and try your luck, it really is exhilarating." Sara face lit up and she turned in his arms to kiss him passionately. "I will take that as a yes then, shall I?" he chuckled. "You really are nothing like I expected you to be, Sara, do you know that?" Tom looked at her, puzzled.

"I don't know how to take that!" Sara responded, he shook his head and pulled her closer to him.

"So I was looking at the personnel files last night," Tom began. "Do you know that Lee is fifty next week?" Oh no, she knew he was coming up to fifty but didn't realise it was next week. Tom asked her how she would feel about having a little staff party for him, just a small celebration but it might ease the tension in the office. He didn't know Lee's wife so wanted Sara to see if she would attend. Sara looked at him in total awe, it was such a thoughtful thing to do and to include his wife, Lee would love that.

"Hey, we could take him and his wife to the casino with us, do you think he would like that?" he offered but then frowned at the way Sara was looking at him. "What have I done, you're looking at me funny? Is that not a good idea?" Sara smiled and kissed him, not a little kiss but a deep loving kiss that made her tingle head to...well other areas, her hands found their way into his hair as she pulled him deeper. Tom moaned into her mouth, sending shivers all over her body, and he pulled her into his lap, slowly stroking her back. It felt so good, the feeling only increased when he then dipped his hands down and under her shirt. The feeling against her skin made her gasp and withdraw the kiss; he smiled, easing her back away from him further.

"You are so beautiful," he breathed. "Let me look at you, I promise I won't go any further, I just want to look at your beautiful body." With that he began very, very slowly to undo the buttons on her shirt. Sara sat frozen, unable to breathe or move as he slowly opened her shirt wider with each undone button. He sat for a moment gazing at her with her shirt floating behind her, then leaned in and kissed the tops of her chest, gently suckling the sensitive skin. Sara's head fell back as she willed for him to continue, struggling for breath. With one hand at the base of her back his other hand stroked the lace of her bra, tracing the edges so close, oh so close to where she desperately wanted him to touch. He pulled her back to him and once again her hands were in his hair whilst their lips found each other.

"Is this appropriate for a second date?" Sara mumbled.

"Mmm," Tom replied, his mouth never leaving hers. "Well, third, if you include lunch at your flat, and fourth if you include driving you home from the bar, but I am really consumed with thinking about what I want for a fifth one!"

#  Chapter 7

"Fancy seeing you here!" Jamie exclaimed as he walked over to where Sara and Jo were sitting, Sara let out a groan.

"Hi, Jamie," she grumbled. She really did not want to deal with Jamie trying to ask her out again, this had been the first time she had gone out with Jo in ages. Work had taken up all her time and Tom had taken up any little bits of evening she had. Sara had seized the opportunity as Tom was away, and there had been a system crash at the end of the day which meant no one could use the computers, she had immediately called Jo and booked a girls' night out. Jo had dropped everything and rushed over so that they could have a bit of time together. Jo took one look at Jamie and straightened herself up, smiling broadly.

"Well, hello. So you are Jamie? Sara has told me so much about you!" Jo oozed charm; Sara kicked her hard under the table.

"Can I get you a drink?" Jamie got the barman's attention and waited for the girls to specify their order, Sara cringed.

"Two, rum and cokes please." Jo answered for the both of them, still grinning like a Cheshire cat. Sara watched Jamie as he chatted to Jo; he looked different outside of work. The black T shirt had gone and his hair was tied back, he had on a blue shirt and jeans, the look was totally different he looked.....more grown up.

"So how come you are out drinking in the middle of a technology crisis?" Sara interrupted, slightly annoyed that he was disturbing her girls' night out. Jamie turned to look at her, examining her face as if trying to read her.

"It was an easily rectified problem," he assured her. "Only took a min to sort out but the office had been shut down by then." He paused, still staring at her. "You're not very technologically minded, are you, Sara?"

It was a statement rather than a question and she didn't reply but just blinked at him, frowning in confusion, returning his stare. His comment had sounded like an insult, but why would he insult her after he had been chasing after her for the last few months? Jo sensed a bit of an atmosphere brewing and began talking about university life. Jamie had attended university in the north and so the two began chatting away about classes, the pressures of the work deadlines and when she was due to return. He really got on well with Jo and the two of them began laughing, telling their horror stories. Sara felt a bit regretful that she had never pursued her education, life had just taken a different turn and she had drifted along until she met 'The Bastard' and he had mapped her life out. Jamie had attended college and university, he had no end of qualifications and was really passionate about his work, Sara found herself becoming a little jealous of him. After several drinks Sara finally began to relax towards him, joining in with them laughing, and after a lot of persuasion from Jo they had all gone onto a night club.

Watching Jamie on the dance floor was the funniest thing Sara had ever seen, the club was a total dive, dark wood surrounded the bar with awful gaudy pictures hanging on the wall. They had decided on somewhere new, as Sara had no desire whatsoever to go anywhere that was going to be full of kids or students! Jo smacked her on the arm for that comment but understood, this bar seemed OK from the outside and so they had ventured in. The music had suddenly changed to 'eighties when they entered, and the place began to fill up with middle aged no hopers looking for last chance love! Jo had squealed in hysterics when a bald man in a suit tried to chat Jamie up, offering to buy him drinks. To Jamie's credit he had been very polite and refused nicely, grabbing Jo round the waist and declaring her as his girlfriend. Now Jo was on the dance floor following a dance routine everyone seemed to know, whilst Jamie was doing every move except the right ones and therefore kept bumping into everyone. Sara spat her drink out for the umpteenth time as Jamie sent some poor woman flying once more, after that he gave up and headed back to Sara.

"I am glad I'm entertaining you!" he said bitterly.

Sara controlled her giggling. "I'm sorry, look, let me get you a drink, I promise I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!"

"Bullshit!" he spat back, but began smiling again. It was funny how people could be so different outside of work; Sara had always thought Jamie a bit of a lad, always chatting and messing about with the girls and all the blokes' best mate. She always heard him talking to the staff arranging nights out and poker nights, but watching him now was like watching a different person. He wasn't all over the other women in the bar, or loud and bolshie like she had expected him to be. He was, well, he was fun, he had listened to everything she and Jo had talked about, not just listened but joined in laughing and joking, maybe he wasn't the lad she thought he was. He gazed over at her frowning, as if silently asking what she was thinking about, she shook her head and smiled. Jamie really did have an attractive face, not obviously handsome like Tom but attractive. Jo staggered up to them, the alcohol on her breath making Sara choke.

"I am done. I need to go home now!" Jo had made her way across the dance floor and was leaning on Jamie, "Taxi time!" she mumbled. Jamie smiled at her and held her by the waist.

"But I was just starting to get good!" he joked, sending the two girls into a fit of hysterics. The three of them made their way over to the taxi rank when Jo spotted some uni friends standing in the queue, Sara recognised the girls from the other night.

"Listen, you get that one and I will get the next one with Marie and the girls!" Jo slurred.

"You sure?" Sara asked, equally slurry.

"Yep, we will make sure we all get back OK," Marie had shouted, giggling. Jo smiled, hugged Sara and then gave Jamie a big kiss telling him how lovely he was and he should definitely come out on a girls' night again. Jamie laughed and steered her towards her friends.

"Oh my God, I haven't laughed like that in ages," Sara said, throwing herself into the back of the taxi, giving him her address. Jamie settled down next to her agreeing.

"Do you even live near me?" Sara suddenly asked, realising they were sharing a taxi and Jamie might live the other side of town. He smiled and said it was OK; he suddenly looked kind of sad, Sara thought as they travelled.

The taxi pulled up to her flat and she attempted to pull out some money. "No, it's fine," Jamie said, "I have to come this way anyway, so it's not cost me any extra."

"No, no I have to pay my share, it's not right if I don't."

Jamie smiled. "Now she becomes so noble," he added, taking the fiver off her, his face fell as Sara looked at him. "You need to watch your back, Sara," he said quietly. "People are beginning to notice, watch your back."

Sara blinked hard, trying to digest what he had just said, panic flooded through her, he knew about her and Tom! She had thought they had been discreet but maybe they had been seen at night in his office. The cold night air worked well to sober her up, and as the taxi pulled away dread flooded through her. She was going to have to talk to Jamie, beg him not to say anything to anyone, beg him to understand that Tom made her feel alive, like a different person. Surely he would understand and he would keep quiet? For the first time she looked up and prayed that it would all be OK.

#  Chapter 8

"Surprise!" everyone yelled at Lee as Sara led him into the meeting room.

"Oh my God, I can't believe it!" Lee beamed as Mary made her way over to him with a huge cake she had made. It had been hard work trying to keep on top of work as well as organise a surprise for him, Sara had been sneaking around the office all week and Lee had become a bit worried as to why, but this had made it all worth it. Lee worked his way around everyone, thanking them and accepting cards and gifts along with the odd rude comment about being fifty. Jo and Sara had been up into the early hours of the morning making sandwiches and cooking food for a small buffet.

"That old git better appreciate all my hard work," Jo had joked as she put another seventy sausage rolls into the oven.

"Hey, kitten!" Lee came up behind Sara and wrapped her up in a big hug. "You didn't have to do this, you know, but thank you." He grinned over at his wife, who was in heavy discussions with Tom; Sara chuckled, knowing Mary she was probably laying into him about Lee's workload. Tom finally escaped and began to make his way over to where she was filling her plate.

"I am starving!" he said as he tucked into the buffet.

"Me too, I haven't eaten since this morning," Sara replied. "Thank you for this, Tom, it was a wonderful idea and I wouldn't have thought to do anything like this, so thanks." Tom smiled then, looking around to see if anyone was looking, pinched Sara's backside playfully then took Lee to the front of the room to make a speech.

Sara's sides ached from laughing so hard as Lee told everyone about the joys of growing old and what they all had to look forward to. He also told them that he had an excuse to be crabby now and so could be horrible to them all, and they weren't allowed to complain or be horrible back. As people began to leave, Mary pulled Sara one side and asked her to join them for dinner one night. Sara yearned for a home cooked meal as her little stash of food parcels had dwindled, and so accepted. "How's everything going with your maybe new man?" Mary asked, Sara blushed and immediately looked around to see if anyone was listening. "Oh, I am so sorry, Sara, is it someone here? I didn't realise, I will keep my mouth shut!"

"No, it's OK really; it's just...awkward at the moment." They began clearing up just as Jamie appeared at the doorway. Mary looked at him staring at Sara and at the way Sara had suddenly got all twitchy.

"He's very handsome!" Mary nodded towards Jamie.

"Oh no, not him!" Sara spluttered out quickly.

"Really?" Mary looked at her puzzled. "If a man looked at me, the way that young man is looking at you right now. I wouldn't waste a second!" She smiled kindly and put the rest of the cake in her box to take out to the car.

"Hey, Jamie, I didn't see you at the party, have you had some cake?" Sara asked, trying to sound casual. They had hardly spoken since their night out, she had tried to talk to him about it but he had just waved her away saying there was nothing to talk about. She hadn't dare tell Tom about it, they were both so caught up in work, they hadn't spent any time together anyway.

"Did you see what they got me?" Lee said, disgusted. Sara turned to see an inflatable Zimmer frame; some glasses and a fake bus pass and snorted loudly. "It is not funny, missy!" His eyes narrowed then he stormed off in a fake huff.

"Have you spoken to Tom yet?" Sara asked wide-eyed, after catching him up.

"No why?" Lee now looked concerned.

"He has a gift for you," she began, but Tom had now reappeared between them.

"Well it's for both of you really," he corrected smiling at Sara. "I thought as a special treat I would have a staff outing, just the three of us to celebrate all our hard work. I thought we could go and let out hair down a bit in the casino that has just opened up across town, it's brand new, just had its soft opening last week. What do you think?" Lee looked like Tom had just slapped him in the face, then looked at Sara, then looked towards his wife. "Before you say anything I did ask your wife to come, she declined but did give her permission for you to go though." Lee looked like all his Christmases had come at once.

"I don't know what to say...thank you," Lee stammered.

"Nonsense, I know how hard you two work and I just want to say thanks, that's all. Just don't mention it to the other staff otherwise they will have my head on a platter for not inviting them! Just get yourselves changed and text me when you are ready, and I will come and pick you both up so you can have a drink!" Sara agreed, then suddenly remembered that she didn't have his mobile number to text him, they saw each other every day and so never had the need to exchange numbers. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, she asked,

"That's great but... erm ... does Lee have your number because I don't." Tom scratched his head nervously.

"Oh right, of course, silly me. Look why don't we just say that I will pick Sara up at seven p.m. then come around for you, Lee, is that OK?" Sara and Lee both nodded, and Tom walked away to speak to some of the other members of staff.

"Ha, that's a shame," Lee whispered "Can you imagine him giving staff his mobile number? We'd have been calling him all day and night with problems!" He laughed out loud. "Them office girls would be calling him to tell him they were 'lonely'." _That was close_ , Sara thought, if Tom had given her his mobile number everyone would have been suspicious and they would have been in real trouble.

"Hey, Sara." Lee grabbed her arm.

"You'd better go catch up with him to give him your address," Sara smiled mischievously.

"Of course, silly me, I will do."

#  Chapter 9

The casino trip had been a rollercoaster ride. Tom had turned up at her door looking amazing, his suit fit like a glove, his hair immaculate as usual. Sara gazed, he really was beautiful, just like he had walked out of a movie set. But what really astounded Sara was the way he looked at her, like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Their eyes finally lined up. "Would Lee complain if we were late?" Sara had giggled and slapped him on his arm, ushering him out the door whilst he sighed and put out his pet lip. She had leant up and taken his lip in her mouth, sucking gently until Tom growled low and full of longing; it made her insides suddenly burn at two hundred degrees. Tom's mind whirled, yes she looked beautiful but this wasn't a designer, low-cut dress it was just a bog standard black dinner dress. If that was so, then why was his body reacting so violently, his trousers were now so tight he could hardly walk. Could it be that he was actually falling for her? That she was the one? Pushing all thoughts from his mind, he tried to think about anything other than the woman next to him. He tried to joke and laugh in the car but still his erection remained, every time she blushed it affected him.

"Oh, well, don't you just look beautiful," Mary had gushed, seeing Sara as Tom held the door open for her.

"Yeah, well, I don't have the legs for a dress like that otherwise I'd look beautiful too!" Lee called out jokingly, Mary gave him one of her looks and he shut up quickly.

The casino was nothing like Sara had imagined, she had only seen Vegas casinos on TV and this was nothing like those ones, it was dark and crowded and mostly full of men. Tom had left to get them all drinks.

"It's not like the telly, is it, kitten?" Lee voiced her thoughts out loud. "In fact it's a bit grotty if you ask me!" Sara had to agree with him there. But Tom had made an effort and once they began playing it was quite fun, he had given them both two hundred pounds to play with. Sara of course had tried her best to refuse it, but Tom was having none of it, saying that sales got a bonus so why shouldn't they? It was halfway through the evening when Sara first noticed the blonde saleswoman from work hanging around. She had seen her at the bar but now she was staring right at her, it made her really uncomfortable. This woman obviously had a grudge against her because Tom had chastised her for the way she behaved around her and Lee. Tom saw her concerned face and followed her gaze.

"Oh shit!" he breathed out, "Stay here!"

"Look, it doesn't matter, Tom, honestly she's just trying to intimidate me." The expression on his face told her he was not going to ignore it. Lee turned to see who they were both staring at and his face dropped when he realised. "Lee, tell him to ignore her!" Sara protested but Tom was already striding over to her, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her outside.

"He really doesn't like her does he?" Lee observed "What has she done to him?"

"It's not what she's done to him, it's because she's always being a bitch to us, Lee. Tom doesn't like it, he says he is not having her speak to us like that anymore!"

Lee's face spread into a smile, "Wow, never had a boss defend me that much before and to do all this, wow, he really is a nice guy!" With a little chuckle he carried on with his game. Sara smiled to herself.

"You have no idea!" she muttered under her breath. "I'm gonna just go check on him," she said to Lee, who just waved his hand at her now, engrossed in his game.

The fresh air hit Sara like a wave, she hadn't realised how thick the air was in there, but now taking in the cold fresh air was heaven. She heard shouting coming from round the corner and followed the sounds.

"I'm telling you, Tom, if you fuck this up it's not just me that's gonna come after you, there are a lot of people who have a big stake in this!" the blonde screamed.

"I know that and it's not a problem, I am handling it!"

"Really, so that little mousey brown tramp isn't distracting you in any way, everything is going according to plan, is it!" Sara sucked in her breath. Did she know about them? Had she seen Sara and Tom together?

"Don't you dare call her that!" Tom growled, "She is sweet and innocent and nothing like YOU!" The woman pulled her arm back to slap him in the face when Sara shouted out.

"No, stop!" Both Tom and the woman spun around to see Sara standing there, the blonde huffed.

"This isn't over, Thomas!" she spat and stomped off into the car park.

"Oh my God, Tom, I am so sorry, are you OK? Does she know?" Sara nearly began to cry.

"No, no, she doesn't know, she's just ...there's just a lot of money in these orders, a lot of commission to be earned, all the sales team are worried!" He spoke gently, wrapping his arms around her.

"You don't have to defend me like that, you know." Sara gazed up at him, that smile made her melt in his arms.

"Yes I do, Sara, you are innocent and I do need to defend you! You bring out this protective streak in me that I never knew I had. I just want to keep you safe from the world." Sara wasn't sure but she could have sworn that she saw a tear developing in his eye, but he hugged her close to him, holding her tightly as though she was his lifeline.

They left the casino in the early hours of the morning, Sara and Lee had won a little but mostly lost. They had just over one hundred and twenty pounds between them; Tom had insisted that they keep any winnings. He, on the other hand, had lost over five hundred and eighty pounds and not batted an eyelid over it, like it happened every day. Sara couldn't imagine losing that much money, she would have been devastated but Tom just shrugged his shoulders. After dropping Lee off Tom had walked Sara to her door, and after hesitating for a while, he accepted the offer of coffee.

"Do you think Lee enjoyed himself?" Tom asked as Sara desperately looked through all her cupboards for some coffee, she decided that she really needed to shop more often.

"Yes, I think he had a ball," Sara replied. "Thanks so much for that."

"It's really hard keeping my hands to myself when we are around other people, you know." Tom said as he moved to stand next to her. "It's like you're forbidden fruit." Sara caught her breath and hiccupped loudly, completely spoiling the moment as the two fell about laughing,

"I don't think I have any coffee," Sara confessed.

"It's OK, it wasn't the coffee I wanted!" Without another word his lips pressed against hers, gently sliding his hands into her hair, all she could do was hold onto his waist to keep herself upright. His thumbs began to massage her ears as his tongue stroked her lips, slowly he moved his mouth to where his thumbs were kissing and he began nipping his way down her throat. Sara gasped loudly as the sensations began to overtake her, her breathing so fast now she felt a little dizzy; Tom noticed her wobble and swept her legs out beneath her, earning a little shriek as he did. Sara watched him as he lowered her down onto the sofa, one by one removing her shoes; his hands massaged her calves but his eyes never left hers. Then suddenly he stopped and sat back onto his heels.

"You really are beautiful, Sara, you know that! Not just the way you look but who you are, you are the most beautiful person I have ever known inside and out." She smiled at him, unsure as to why his face looked so troubled.

"Is it work?" she asked after a pause, "Are you going to get into trouble because of me?"

"Oh, Sara!" Tom sighed, "It's me that's going to cause you a lot of trouble, I seem to have a knack of getting into trouble all by myself but you...you, it's not fair on you." He breathed heavily, "I should go." Sara almost begged him to stay, she wanted him to stay so badly, she didn't understand what was happening. Was he regretting his decision to get involved with her? She could handle herself, she didn't care what everyone else thought, and if she was completely honest she would be prepared to move departments if it meant they could be together.

"I have a lot of meetings coming up so I need to get some sleep." Sara nodded sadly, "I'm just going to miss you, that's all," he added, seeing her sadness. "You seem to brighten my life up when I'm with you." He smiled and kissed her slowly and passionately. Sara couldn't believe it, he was going to miss her, was sad to be leaving her. How she wished he would stay.

"Sara, you really are a lovely woman, you know that, don't you? Those other girls in the office, they pale in comparison to you," Tom stated, and with another slow delicious kiss he left.

#  Chapter 10

"Sara, six more orders on your desk and I need help on this one!" Lee shouted.

The happy atmosphere of Lee's party and the casino visit had not lived on for long. Today's orders were already on top of them but at least Tom's warning had meant that the blonde was now definitely avoiding them. She had not been seen for a few days now, and Sara was glad. She walked over to Lee's desk. "Which order, Lee?"

"Sara, I'm gonna say it one more time, we can't do this! You have got to get more staff, we are going to start making serious mistakes soon. I don't understand what this new customer is ordering!" His voice was high and irate, Sara knew he was close to the edge.

"I know, Lee. Look, you can only do what you can do. Just work through your orders as best you can, Tom's away today but he has said we can have a temp just to help us through. He is meeting them tomorrow, and then we are going to request three more once the temp is settled in." Relief flooded through them both at the same time, they were both washed out. Tom had been away for two days now, well four including Saturday and Sunday, and she was missing him so much. He had been involved in lots of meetings so he wasn't able to call her, she thought about leaving him a nice message on his answer phone, but she had forgotten to get his mobile number before he left.

The night after the casino had been so intense; he was really worried about ruining her career. She could see the sadness in his face as he left and she had spent four days worrying about him, but knowing that she would be seeing him soon had lifted her spirits. She knew how much he would be missing her, he had been so sad to leave that night, his kiss had been desperate as though he was trying to tell her something he just couldn't find the words to say, it was just bliss. Well, she had made a decision, when he returned she was going to ask for a transfer so that they could be together. "Let me take that order, and you deal with one of mine." Sara and Lee swopped over the files and he talked her briefly through the order, yes, he was right, it was really complicated, she had never heard of half the things on this list. It was then she made a decision, with Tom not around there was only one person she knew who would understand all the technical stuff here to explain it, and she was pretty sure he would help if she turned the charm on a bit, even if he had been avoiding her lately.

The technical office was a mixture of a space station and a teenager's bedroom, their office was all glass but somehow still managed to be dark and gloomy. Coffee cups covered every spare surface where there wasn't a computer or keyboard or laptop. Jamie sat in the far corner of the office, so Sara had to walk past all the other geeks to get there.

"Do you have authority to be in here?" a snotty voice asked, "This IS a restricted area!"

"Yeah, and believe me, I would restrict myself from being here if I didn't need to be," she muttered. Jamie watched with interest as she rolled her eyes at him, she stood for a moment whilst he finished typing. "It's ace the way you do that you know," she gushed. "I mean type stuff but keep your eyes on me!"

"Is that you trying to be charming?" Jamie questioned.

Sara frowned at him. "Don't be moody, I need some help."

"Why else would you be here?" he added sarcastically. This was going to be harder than she thought; she looked around at everyone staring at them.

"Any chance we can go for a coffee?" He stopped typing and stood up, this was not the Jamie she had started to know, he was really cold towards her. She hoped she hadn't hurt his feelings too badly by going out with Tom, if that was what they were doing, I mean they never actually went out and it was all secret until the orders were completed, but she guessed that's what they were doing.

They stood in line at the coffee bar that was located in the main reception area in silence, waiting for their order, then sat at a booth in the back of the seating area. "Jamie, are you OK? I feel like I've done something wrong, have I upset you? If I have I'm sorry, it was unintentional." Sara waited, hoping he would respond, tell her it was OK but he just looked at her in disbelief. Well, two could play at that game, if he didn't want to be friends anymore that was fine but not telling her why was just plain rude. "I need some help with this order please, I would normally go to Tom with this but he is not here today and I really need help." "Please," she added for good measure.

Jamie took the file not even looking at it, "Tom, eh!"

Damn, why did she keep doing that! "Yes, Tom Blakley," she recovered.

"...and you want me to look at one of these orders?" he said slowly, as if trying to believe it.

Sara did not understand. "Yes, it's not complicated," she said, getting angry. "I don't understand all this stuff, I just put the orders on the system but Mr Blakley usually checks them to make sure all the technical spec is correct. As I have stated HE is not here, I do not have a clue what all this stuff is, SALES want this putting on the system ASAP, so can you help or not?" She took a swig of her coffee and sat back. What was going on? Jamie's face just hung there, his mouth wide open in shock. "Jamie, for God's sake what is wrong with you? Jesus, you know what, don't bother, I will deal with it tomorrow!" She stood to leave but Jamie grabbed her wrist, almost shaking.

"Do you mean to tell me that you have no idea what you have been putting on the system? That Tom and NOT you, has been checking it all!" He was practically growling.

"Get the hell off me now, Jamie!" Sara yelled. Jamie was really starting to scare her. "I am more than capable of doing my job, I do not need to understand the spec to put the order on the system and you know what, fuck you and get off me NOW!" She ran out of the coffee bar, tears streaming down her face. What was going on with everyone? All she had wanted was a bit of help from him, why was he so angry with her? Sara started to think that she had underplayed how bad it was that she was seeing Tom. Was there a rule about it? Was this what Tom was so worried about? Maybe they really were going to get into trouble, maybe she should look into that transfer sooner rather than later. She stood out of sight as Jamie came running out from the coffee bar, he anxiously looked around for her, his face wild. Sara stepped further back so he wouldn't see her, she took out her phone and called Lee, there was no way she was going back into the office today.

"Oh dear, that must have been awful!" Mary sympathised, as Sara retold the story over dinner.

"I am so gonna kick his ass tomorrow, jumped up little prick!" Lee added. Lee had told everyone that Sara had been taken ill, grabbed her bags and met her outside so that she didn't have to return. Mary added extra lasagne to Sara's plate, it was delicious. Mary's lasagne was just what she needed.

"It just doesn't seem worth it, cooking for one," Sara had explained to Mary as she polished off her second plate.

"Sweetheart, cooking is always worth it whether it is for one or one hundred, it feeds the soul," Mary scolded as she began to clear the plates. "And I have put two in the fridge for you to take home with you, I always seem to make too much." She shrugged her shoulders at her miscalculation. Lee and Sara just exchanged knowing looks, and Lee rolled his eyes.

"Please let me do the dishes then," Sara pleaded, "It's the least I can do. My fridge would always be empty if it wasn't for you."

"With pleasure, and it's nothing, dear, you are always helping me out by eating my leftovers!" Mary agreed and she went into put her feet up in the lounge, instructing Lee he was to help before she went. Sara ran the hot water and began to clean the cutlery when Lee joined her.

"Your Mary is a real angel, Lee, you know that, don't you?"

Lee grinned satisfactorily. "Hey, I'm no idiot! I knew that the minute I saw her, I married her as soon as she agreed to have me! Took a whole lot of persuading though. Are you OK, kitten?" he asked gently. "You're taking on too much, you know."

"I'm OK, Lee, I just wish I knew what I'd done wrong to Jamie. It's really upset me that I have made him so cross and I don't know why."

"He is always sticking his nose into everyone's business, he's only been here two minutes but always wants to know everything." Sara had to agree he was a total gossip sometimes but she had liked him. At first he had been like a little puppy she couldn't get rid of, but she had really started to like him lately and it stung that he had behaved so badly to her. Sara and Lee talked about work and about Jo whilst they washed, Lee had loved Jo and was keen to know how she was getting on at university. Sara had explained she was really happy and doing well and that she missed her a lot as they didn't get to spend much time together these days, Lee had told her she needed a good man in her life!

By the time they had finished, Mary had dropped off to sleep on the sofa and was snoring loudly, much to their amusement. "She's always tired these days," Lee joked, "...old age is getting to her!"

"I'd better be going, Lee, say thank you again to Mary for me." Sara began to collect her things together.

"Look, why don't you stop here tonight, we have a spare room, Mary's got all lady wash stuff you could use."

"Lady wash stuff!" Sara broke down in hysterics.

"Alright, alright, sod you, go home, get out!"

"No, no please. I'll stay if that's OK, if you wouldn't mind dropping me off at my place in the morning," she begged. Lee reached up and got a bottle of red wine off the side that he had put out to breathe. "Oh, Lee, it's almost as if you planned this and knew I'd stay." Sara faked a shocked expression.

"Yeah well, we all know you're easy!" Lee ducked as a cushion came hurtling across the room.

#  Chapter 11

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Lee asked when he had dropped Sara off at the flat.

"No, its fine, I'm gonna get a quick shower then my bus will be here, don't worry," Sara assured him, besides, Tom would be waiting for her at the bus stop soon. She rushed a shower and changed into a new skirt and shirt, her heart began to race as she thought of seeing Tom for the first time in a few days. Planning her late night meeting with him, she made sure she had her best underwear on, not too tarty but definitely appealing. She examined herself in the mirror; she had every intention of being confident and seductive towards Tom tonight and was not going to embarrass herself like she did the first time. To be on the safe side, she slid some clean underwear into her bag just in case. Maybe this would be the night that they took their relationship further. So far they had done everything else but that, so tonight she was going to be proactive. Sara knew how much she turned him on, she could feel it, and the very thought of Tom sent her into hot flushes so maybe now was the time. She would tell him of her intentions to transfer, that he wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. Her thoughts wondered to Tom kissing her and touching her, this was going to be a very, very long day.

When she saw the bus turn the corner Sara's heart sank, was he running late? Should she just get on the bus? Remembering that she did not have Tom's mobile number or anything to contact him, she had no alternative but to reluctantly step on the bus. Sara frantically looked around for that familiar BMW but it was nowhere to be seen. It had been a while since she had caught the bus; she sat gloomily staring out of the window wondering where Tom was, worrying about him, hoping that he was all right. As the bus turned into her stop it began to rain, not just light rain, full-on torrential rain. Sara was soaked within seconds as she ran down the long driveway into work, skidding on the floor as she practically fell through the door.

"Morning, Carol, can you believe this rain?" Sara waved at the receptionist as she passed, trying in vain to put a brave face on things even though inside she was worried sick.

Carol picked up the phone and whispered something down the line, not answering her. Unaware of this, Sara took off her coat and shook it, swiping her key card to go through into the offices. The key pad beeped and showed red. She tried it again but again the light showed red, her card had been playing up for weeks, now it was ridiculous.

"Carol, can you buzz me in please, I don't know why I keep insisting that this one might indeed actually work one of these days!"

As she waited, two men came through the door.

"Can you come this way, please?"

Sara looked confused. "What's going on?" she asked, but neither man spoke. She followed them to a side office that they used for visitors, meetings and presentations. Sara was told to wait and the two men left, leaving her not knowing what the hell was going on. Turning on her cell phone Sara found fifteen messages from Jamie, how the hell had he got her cell phone number? She thanked God she had not had it on last night, and spent the night at Lee's. Maybe that is what this was all about, maybe Jamie had tried to speak to her and got jealous thinking she was with Tom, maybe he had reported them knowing the company did not like staff to have 'liaisons'. As she sat worrying, a well-dressed man and woman entered the room, they looked vaguely familiar but Sara could not place them. They both set files down on the table and seated themselves opposite Sara.

"Is there anything you would like to tell us before we begin?" the man asked.

"I haven't got a clue what's going on!" Sara laughed nervously.

The two suits just looked at each other. "Miss Ryan, may I call you Sara? You have been processing all the orders for Johnsons, I believe, is that correct?"

Sara blinked heavily, this was it, they were going to confront her about Tom. Preparing herself she took a deep breath. "Yes, it is a new client; myself, Lee Taylor and Tom Blakley have been processing it," she replied cautiously.

"I have to inform you that we have found discrepancies in the paperwork and you are currently under investigation, Lee Taylor has already been suspended pending his own investigation!"

Sara's mouth fell open. "What the hell are you talking about? There are no discrepancies, I checked all those orders thoroughly, Lee has done nothing wrong!" Sara yelled, outraged.

"We are aware of that, which is why Lee has only been suspended! You, Miss Ryan, are dismissed, you will be contacted by the police for a criminal enquiry!" Sara's eyes bulged in her head, was this really happening? This was a mistake.

"Is this some kind of joke?" She looked around the room, expecting someone to jump out and shout _gotcha!_

"This is no joke, you got sloppy!" the man sneered.

"No, no, you have to talk to Tom. He will tell you, he helped me check them all, he made sure I did it all properly, he wouldn't have let me make a mistake like that!" she demanded. The woman sat forward.

"That's not going to happen, Sara; you are not as clever as you think. Tom Blakley transferred out of the department two days ago, acting on HR recommendation to do so after he filed harassment claim against you. He says that you have staying behind till everyone has left the office and trying to seduce him; he says that even though he told you he was in a loving relationship you would not leave him alone. Other members of the office have given statements that you were always...," she looked down to read from her file, "...ah yes, ' _gazing at him and standing too close to him', 'staying behind after work for no reason'_. What did you think? That you could get him to cover up your theft! Maybe you thought you could set him up?" She slammed her hand down onto the table. "Women like you make me sick!"

"No, no, you're wrong, Tom and I were seeing each other, we dated, he came to my flat for a picnic, we were keeping it quiet to protect me." Tears flowed down Sara's face, this wasn't happening, Tom wouldn't file a harassment suit against her, they liked, maybe even loved, each other. The suits just shook their heads.

"A picnic? You have seen the weather lately, haven't you? You live in a fantasy world, Ms Ryan, got any proof of this 'picnic' have you? No, didn't think so." Sara began to shake in desperation.

"This isn't right. I haven't done anything wrong, please check the paperwork again, nothing has been stolen, speak to Tom, he will tell you. Please, please let me speak to Tom." The woman suddenly stood up, making Sara jump.

"You dare go near that man and you will be thrown into prison, lady! I am warning you, he is in the process of taking a restraining order out against you; he is at the end of his tether, worried sick about what you might do to him. I don't care what you THINK has gone on in that sick little head of yours, but you do NOT try to contact him." The woman slowly collected her files together, nodding at the man who stood to join her. "The best thing for you to do is confess, because let me tell you something I am going to get my company ALL of their money back. Every last penny, so you had better tell us where you transferred it to because the reason Johnsons hired me is because I Will. Not. Stop. You may think you are free, Miss Ryan, but you are not, the police will be taking your passport and you are not to leave your house till the investigation is completed, then I am sure an arrest will happen very, very quickly!"

When they both left the room, a security guard appeared with a box of Sara's things. Sobbing uncontrollably, Sara was hauled her up by the elbow and walked out of the building; a taxi was already waiting outside. Within minutes, she was back at her flat, lying on her bed in utter disbelief trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

#  Chapter 12

"Utter bastard!" Jo gasped as Jamie tried to explain what had happened to Sara.

"I didn't know," he tried to explain. "All the orders and stuff, they all had Sara's name on, no one knew that he was checking them for her and obviously altering them. All the evidence pointed to her, we just didn't know that he had anything to do with them." He hung his head, furious with himself that he had thought Sara could be a part of all this. "It wasn't until Sara brought me an order the other day that I finally realised, I mean if she had known any of what was going on she would never have brought them to me to look at."

"Of course she had nothing to do with it! Just look at where she lives, how she lives, she has nothing! So what's going to happen?" Jo asked, her hand over her mouth in despair.

Jamie shook his head. "I don't know, I need to speak to her, I've called her and I've practically knocked the door down but she won't answer!"

The minute Sara had brought the order to him Jamie had re-looked at all the orders, finally realising that Sara had nothing to do with it all. He had spent most of that night copying files and checking records of whose key cards had been used and when. Tom was very clever, he had covered up his tracks so that his hands were totally clean. It was then he found out that Tom had filed a harassment charge against Sara, and unbeknown to her had transferred out of the department two days before. He finally saw it for what it was – a set up. He had let himself get close to Sara and as a result had not been as thorough as he should have been, thinking he was protecting her. Jamie had watched Tom groping Sara at Lee's birthday, he knew they had been secretly seeing each other, but for his own selfish reasons had ignored it.

He needed to let Sara know that he knew, that he believed her. In a desperate attempt to warn her, he had tried to call Sara so many times that night, but after the way he had behaved in the coffee shop he guessed she did not want to speak to him. He had even called round to her flat but there were no lights on and no answer. Luckily Jo and Jamie had exchanged numbers on their 'girls' night out' and so he had called her in hope that she might be able to get Sara to open the door.

"Right, come on!" Jo said, standing up and collecting her coat and bag. "If you PRACTICALLY knocked the door down and it didn't work, then we had better go and ACTUALLY knock the door down."

"Sara, get this door open now, I am NOT messing about!" Jo yelled through the door, there was no response from the other side.

"What the hell is going on up here!" a voice called up the stairs. "You break my door down and you will pay for it, young lady." Jo looked over the banister.

"Oh thank God, are you the landlord? We need to get into this room, do you have a main key? We are worried about Sara Ryan who lives here, I'm her friend Jo," she called out.

"I know who you are," the man mumbled. "I hear you leaving at all hours of the night."

"I am so sorry but please, this is really important." The man watched her for a while then, letting out a long resigned sigh, told them to stand aside and came up to open the door. The minute he had turned the key Jo bounded into the room, letting out a scream as she did, Jamie ran after her to find Sara lying on her bed, a bottle of pills in her hand.

"Shit!" Jamie rushed to her side, "Sara, Sara can you hear me?" A tiny sob left Sara's lips and Jamie and Jo both cried out with relief, immediately Jo called for an ambulance and Jamie grabbed the bottle so that the doctors could see what she had taken.

"Oh, Sara, what were you thinking? I'm your best friend why didn't you talk to me?" Jo sobbed, holding on to her friend, but Sara had already slipped unconscious again.

"Why don't you go get a coffee, Jo? I can wait here," Jamie offered. They had been at the hospital for over an hour now with no news, it was driving them both crazy. Jo had held Sara's hand, stroking her hair all the way but she didn't open her eyes or show any signs that she was awake at all. Jamie had followed them in his car; he had driven the whole way blaming himself, torturing himself that he should have realised earlier what was going on, tried to help her.

"I should have broken the door down yesterday when I came," he tearfully confessed to Jo. "I shouldn't have just left her, I should have done something!"

"Look, Jamie, neither one of us is at fault, I should have realised that Tom was a prat and been around for her more. I am all she has and I dumped her for my new friends, she needed me and I wasn't there for her. At the end of the day this is HIS fault, I blame HIM and if I ever get my hands on him...," Jo trailed off in her own thoughts of what she was going to do to him when she found him, when a doctor interrupted her.

"Are you the girl that came in with Sara Ryan?" The doctor was a tall woman, her hair piled up in a tight bun on top of her head, she carried a file, looking at it to read off the name.

"Yes." Jo stood up her, voice suddenly frail and shaky.

"Does she have any family we could contact?" the doctor asked.

"No," Jamie replied, when Jo's voice failed her and she grabbed his hand for support. "Jo is her best friend and I work with her, I know you can only talk to family but I assure you Jo is the closest she has." He bluffed, hoping that the doctor would buy it, not realising that it was the truth, Jo was all that Sara had. The doctor looked at their anxious faces, obviously in a dilemma as to whether to talk to them or not, then after a long pause said,

"She's OK, we felt no need to pump her stomach, it doesn't look like she took any of the tablets. She is awake now and says that she had the bottle of pills because she had drunk so much that she had a headache. There were no trace of any tablets in her system but there was an extremely high volume of alcohol, we believe she had drunk herself into a comatose state." Jo and Jamie both let out a sigh of relief and Jo began to cry again, so relieved that Sara was going to be OK. The doctor smiled. "We do need to make sure, though, that there is no threat to herself or others, if she is suffering from depression it needs treating. She will have to be assessed here before we can release her and she will need regular appointments. I have referred her so she should be seen soon, but in order to release her they will need to know that someone will be with her all the time over the next few weeks. Can that be arranged?"

"Yes!" both Jo and Jamie replied at the same time, Jo turned and looked at Jamie.

"I just mean you have uni and everything, we could take it in turns," Jamie explained.

"You really do like her, don't you?" Jo said, frowning. Jamie ignored her, she had no idea how much he liked her, loved her, no one knew. The doctor explained that Sara would probably be prescribed some tablets that would help until she began her regular counselling, but they were to be strictly monitored so that they knew exactly how many she was taking. She then showed them through to the room where Sara had been taken to recover.

"She looks so ... delicate," Jo said in almost a whisper, Jamie stood in silence. Moving around the bed, Jo perched on the end, taking Sara's hand in her own. A tear slowly fell down her cheek. Sara's eyes fluttered open, she looked at her friend then slowly to Jamie, who was standing in the doorway; shameful and embarrassed, she screwed them tightly shut again.

"Go away, please just go away," she groaned, snatching her hand back from Jo and trying to bury her face into the pillow. Jo looked up at Jamie in confusion, he signed for her to leave the room with him.

"Maybe she needs some time, I'm sure she's embarrassed," Jamie tried to explain.

"EMBARRASSED!" Jo howled. "We've been friends for years, how the hell can she be embarrassed?" Furious, she stormed back into the hospital room. "Look, you," she bellowed. "I don't give a shit what has happened or what you have or haven't done. YOU do not get to tell ME to go away! YOU don't get to tell me anything, I will always be here and for your information, so will Jamie over there!" Sara's eyes strayed from her friend who was standing in front of her, hands on hips, to where Jamie stood skulking in the corner, then back to Jo.

"I want to be alone, Jo," she managed to croak out. Her throat hurt like hell and she didn't really remember what had happened. All she remembered was crying, and searching through the flat to try and find as much to drink as possible as she needed to dull the pain she felt.

"Tough shit! You had better get used to us, because over the next few weeks it is either going to be him or me staying in your flat with you!" Having said her piece Jo turned on her heels and left, dragging Jamie with her.

"Great," Sara thought. "That's all I need, an audience while my life falls apart."

#  Chapter 13

Sara had been home for just four hours before Jo opened the door to two police officers, they needed to interview her regarding the forged orders at Saltec. Jo had tried in vain to persuade them to return another day; they had been very polite but insisted it be now. Sara had tried to explain what had happened; she told them about Tom being at her bus stop that first day, then about how they had become very close since then. With great difficulty she tried to explain how Tom had taken the orders from her, telling her to just input the numbers and how he would check and invoice the rest for her.

"I thought he was helping me!" Sara murmured. "I thought he loved me, how stupid am I?" Jo took her hand in an attempt to comfort her; both officers seemed to believe her.

"Is there anyone you can think of that saw you together? Who saw him taking orders from you?" the officers asked.

Sara shook her head. "He said he was being discreet to protect me," she said, not believing her stupidity as she said it.

"My problem is this," the older officer began. "We have eye witnesses that state, and I quote, ' _you were always standing to close to him, always hanging on after work, always gazing at him when he was around',_ but unfortunately not one of them says that he ever looked at you." Sara shook her head, the bitches in the office, no doubt. "My other problem is that he filed a harassment case against you and had actually left the department, yet still the orders were being fraudulently placed. I will add that your password and your key card are always logged when the orders are placed!" He paused, gauging her reaction.

Sara just sat staring at him with her mouth hanging open. "I...I gave him my passwords, he was entering my work for me and he didn't want anyone to see that I couldn't handle my workload...I mean...it sounded right at the time," she stammered then looked at Jo, shedding more tears. "I've been so stupid, haven't I," she sobbed. Jo didn't know what to say so just took a tissue and wiped Sara's eyes, smiling.

"We are all guilty of being stupid for a bloke," she sympathised.

"Look, there is other evidence that is coming to light, Ms Ryan," the other officer told them, taking pity on this poor young girl sitting opposite him sobbing her heart out. "It is not open and shut, otherwise we would have arrested you by now."

"What other evidence?" Sara asked, gathering herself together.

"We have an inside source who has been gathering information and not all of it is linked to you, there are some discrepancies that we are looking into." At that point Jamie came in through the door, since Sara's 'accident' Jo and Jamie had both had keys cut.

"Hey, it's only me," he called, out stopping in his tracks as he saw the officers.

"Oh hey, Officer Benton!" he said casually, "Any news yet?" The older officer shook his head.

"This is your source?" Sara asked, "What could Jamie possibly know about my orders?" She looked between the two.

"Well, I think that's all we need for now, I will remind you that you are under investigation and you are not to leave the country or county, for that matter, till I've finished with you, is that understood?" the officer said in a stern voice.

"Yes, of course," Sara replied.

The officer thanked her for her time and Jo showed them out, Sara did not stop looking at Jamie who was now busying himself in the kitchen. She just didn't care anymore, she had sunk so low that she disgusted herself. Two hours she had spent sitting on her bed looking at the pills that were laid out on the duvet. She had every intention of ending it that day, disgusted that she had let someone fool her like that. She had let him touch her, kiss her and all the while he was just using her, setting her up. But what disgusted her most was that even when she had the opportunity to end it all she didn't have the courage to do it; she had taken a handful of pills then spat them out and just started crying. She was pathetic. She sunk down into her bed and pulled the covers over her head. Darkness consumed her. A pressure that she had never felt before seemed to pin her to the bed, unable to even move her head, she just lay down. Sleep refused to take her, energy drained from her. She just remained still.

"I don't know what to do, she's been like this for three days now," Jo said. "She won't talk, she won't get out of bed, I can't get her to engage again, it's like she's just a shell."

"I wish I could help more, I'm going through all the computers and orders now, there must be something to link him to them," Jamie said, distracted. "Have you told her about Lee yet?" he added. Sara pulled the duvet down.

"What about Lee?" she demanded, suddenly aware that she hadn't even thought about what had happened to Lee. "Has he been sacked?" she asked, feeling guilty as hell, she loved Lee and he had been dragged into all this. Jo looked at Jamie who shrugged his shoulders.

"No, no, he hasn't been sacked or anything, they know he played no part. He has been transferred to warehouse admin but...," Jo began looking around as though trying to think of what to say.

"BUT WHAT!" Sara was getting really annoyed with being kept in the dark treated like a child. Who the hell did these two think they were, anyway, conspiring against her all the time? Jamie stepped forward to rescue Jo.

"Mary's in hospital, she collapsed at home when Lee was suspended, they thought it may be stress but...it's cancer, Sara, late stages." Sara's arms fell to her side, suddenly feeling like lead weights, Lee had said when she had stayed the night that Mary was always tired these days, Oh God, how was he coping? She wanted to see him but what could she do, she had caused all these problems. This was all her fault, all her fault and he would never forgive her.

For two more days Sara had not spoken, she refused to get out of bed, refused to go to her counselling session. Jo and Jamie had been in and out, Jo had shouted at her, Jamie had tried to reason with her but nothing worked. Jo had university to go to, and so Jamie had spent days at Sara's apartment and Jo nights. She couldn't care less if anyone was there or not, she was done. She was going to get arrested and sent to prison, for once in her life she was glad that her parents weren't around to see what had happened to her. Selfishly she had wanted so desperately to have an adventure, to have some passion in her life, that she had just accepted Tom and let him do this to her. Everything that was going to happen to her she deserved, and she was going to go through it alone. Her parents played no part in her life anymore, Jo and Jamie would eventually forget about her, and Lee....Lee would never forgive her for what she had done. Sara felt a hand stroking her face and she flinched. "It's OK," Jamie said gently. "I'm just wiping your face, you were crying again." She hadn't even noticed, she watched his face concentrating as he wiped both her cheeks.

"Do you just sit and watch me?" she said bitterly.

He smiled sweetly. "Not all the time, some of the time I am working to clear your name and prove you were set up, just like Jo is, just like Lee is!" he stated, matter of fact. Hearing Lee's name stung, even though his wife was dying he was trying to help.

"You shouldn't bother," she sighed, "I brought this on myself!"

"Bollocks," Jamie barked.

"That's what you thought when you first found out?" Sara snapped back, Jamie shook his head in dismay.

"You wanna sit in self-pity, that's up to you, but I know you are innocent and you were shit on by that bastard, and I am not going to sit by and let him destroy you. You may think you are not worth it but I happen to think you are, so why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start fighting!" He stood up and stormed to the door. "God, this place is fucking so small you can't even bloody storm off anywhere!" he raged, looking around for somewhere else to storm off to. Sara actually grinned a little, it was a small flat, in fact it was tiny, with the sofa pulled out into a bed there was hardly enough room to walk around, let alone storm about.

"Is Lee OK?" she asked eventually.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"I can't face him, Jamie."

"Do you honestly think he blames you for this?"

"I would." Sara attempted to cover her head again in the duvet.

"Well you have already proven that you're a drama queen!" Jamie muttered.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

"Sara, you were going to take a load of tablets with a shit load of booze, what do you think I mean!"

"Fuck you, Jamie, IT WAS A MISTAKE!"

"Bollocks, it was a mistake, I'm not stupid. You might get Jo believing that crap but not me Sara, not ME." Sara launched out of the bed and threw the front door open.

"Get the fuck out now, Jamie, I don't need you here!"

"Well halle fucking lujah, she's finally out of bed!"

#  Chapter 14

"Jamie, I can't do this!" Sara clutched Jamie's hand as she stood outside the hospital room. "I can't deal with this right now!" Jamie looked at her sympathetically.

"Sara, you have to, you might not have a chance later." Sara looked at him horrified as the realisation sunk in. Mary was dying and there was nothing she could do to help her. What the hell was she going to say to her? No, no, she couldn't do it. She turned around to leave. "Sara, I'm not one to manhandle a woman, but if you don't get your arse in to see that wonderful woman I swear on my own life, I will throw you in there myself!" Jamie took her arm and turned her around, pushing her towards the door. "I will be right outside."

Sara pushed the door open slightly; Lee sat in a chair, his head resting on the bed, snoring slightly. Mary beamed as soon as she saw Sara come in. "Shh, don't wake him, he hasn't slept much," Mary spoke softly.

"Mary, I'm so sorry," Sara began, but couldn't say anything else.

Mary smiled at her, "Now what on earth could you be sorry for, dear, none of this is your fault. How is your appeal going? I hope they catch that horrible man for what he did to you."

"It doesn't look good, there is a lot of evidence." Sara stifled another sob.

"My dear, there is always a paper trail whatever you do, you just have to find it."

"Mary, please, I don't want to talk about me." Mary took her hand.

"Listen, my dear, there are so many people looking out for you right now you have no idea. Everyone knows you, knows you are not capable of this, knows that that man took advantage of you; no one thinks you are stupid or naive. Honey, you fell in love, that's all."

"I was so stupid, Mary," Sara wept. "I don't think I did fall in love with him, I was just...I felt different with him, like a different person."

Mary smiled and released her hand. "I am so glad that you came, Sara, I have been so worried about you but now that I have seen you I know you are going to be just fine. I am sorry to do this but I need to ask you a favour whilst Lee is asleep."

Sara looked at Mary curiously. "Of course, anything." Mary reached over into a side cupboard and pulled out an envelope, passing it to Sara. She opened it and looked at Mary confused.

"It's the address of a cemetery," Mary explained. "I need to tell you something. Lee and I had a beautiful little girl once, a long time ago, we don't really talk about her to other people. She had a lot of health problems when she was born so they told us not to have much hope." Mary passed Sara a photograph of a little girl with big blue eyes and long blonde ringlets. "She was a fighter though, she lived till her fifth birthday when it all got too much and her tiny little body just gave in. Lee found it very hard, he still can't look at her pictures." A tear slowly slid down her cheek, Sara's heart bled for her, she looked so sad, so fragile. "We couldn't have any more after her, we tried but I think that she was our one and only chance of having a child; after a while we decided that we would stop trying. He found it very hard after that, but then you know he changed when he started working with you, I think he finally let himself relax again, I think he saw a lot of her fighting spirit in you," she added. "He is very fond of you, Sara."

"I know, I'm very fond of him too, I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

Mary waved her hand dismissively. "It was many years ago, but I cannot forget her, she was part of me. Every year on her birthday I lay a posy of flowers on her grave, Lee hasn't been there for years, it's just too hard for him, which is why I need you to continue it for me when I leave."

Sara's head shot up in realisation. "Mary, you shouldn't talk like that, you don't know..." Mary silenced her.

"I know what's happening, Sara, I don't have long, I wish I did but I need to know that you will do this for me, that you will keep her memory alive for me, for Lee." Sara swallowed hard, slowly nodding.

"Of course, of course, Mary, I can do that for you." Mary raised her voice like a mother scolding a child.

"Now listen, lady, don't you take this on lightly, if you have no intention of sticking around then do not agree to do this, I need to be sure. She may have only been in our lives for five short years but she will be in our hearts forever, my daughter was my world and I do not trust her to anyone. You have to promise you will not do anything stupid, my sweet Grace needs someone to care for her grave, care for her, and if you can't do this, say so now!" Tears poured down the two women's cheeks as they sat in silent understanding, no words were necessary, Mary nodded, thanking her. "Sara, love comes in many shapes and forms, when I was young I dreamt of having a big family with a houseful of kids. Dreams change, darling, I have never been more happy than I have been with Lee. The trick is finding out what you really want and need not what you think you do, does that make any sense whatsoever?" Mary giggled, stroking Lee's hair as she did. Sara nodded desperate to run over and dive into Mary's arms, to have her hold her like a child and tell her it was going to all be OK.

"Are you OK, love?" Lee began to stir; Sara quickly hid the letter and photograph into her pocket and wiped her face. "Sara, Jesus, are you OK? I've been so worried, I am so gonna kill that bastard when I find him," Lee scowled.

"Lee, you watch your language in here," Mary hissed.

"Sorry, love, but I am, I took his money, believed that he was a good guy, a good boss! I took his money! Shit!" Lee cursed. "Sorry, I know, I know, language." He patted his wife on the arm. Sara stood to leave then turned to Lee, full of remorse.

"I'm so sorry for all of this, Lee, I never meant for any of this to happen, you know that, don't you, I had nothing to do with this." Lee walked over to her, she shuddered but instead of shouting at her he threw his arms around her.

"You silly girl!" he spluttered. "Why didn't you tell me? I knew something was going on, I should have paid more attention, none of this is your fault. Hey, he fooled me too, I was singing his praises to everyone, it is all his fault and we are going to prove that but you have to fight, kitten. We can't do this on our own, I can't worry about you and Mary at the same time." His voice began to break under the strain. At the sound of Lee calling her his pet name she collapsed into his arms, everyone was so worried about her and all she had done was stay in bed.

"I'm gonna fight, Lee, I am, I promise. Please just take care of Mary and don't worry about me anymore, please."

"Hey, Mary's brother's high up in the police force, maybe we could get him to plant some drugs on him, get him thrown into a Mexican jail!" His eyes sparkled at the thought. Sara laughed and Mary just shook her head at him. "Yeah alright, too much, anyway listen, Sara, I am so proud of you, kitten, we both are, but you are stronger than this," Lee stated, wiping the tears from her eyes. "No more crying, it's time to get mad!"

Sara left Lee and Mary, angry with herself for being so selfish; as she rounded the corner she saw Jamie sitting in the waiting area, her heart began to hurt. She had been nothing but awful to him and he had been nothing but wonderful in return, he jumped to his feet as he saw her.

"Hey, are you OK?" he asked, concerned.

"She hasn't got long, has she?"

Jamie shook his head. "She said she wanted to see you, what was it about?"

Sara clutched her pocket protectively over the photo. "I didn't realise you knew Mary?"

"I didn't but I've got to know her while I have been talking to Lee about stuff, she's a lovely woman. She's had me running around fetching things from home and stuff 'cause she says she can't rely on Lee." He laughed off to the distance, remembering her conversations.

"She gave me a job to do," Sara offered quietly.

"And Lee?"

"Lee told me to get angry."

"And?"

"And right now I'm fucking furious."

"At last."

Jo walked in to see Sara's bedsit somewhat like it used to be, Sara had folded the bed away and had papers spread everywhere. "What the hell did you do to her?" Jo exclaimed to Jamie as she closed the door behind her. Sara looked at her friend's face.

"I'm sorry, Jo. I'm so sorry." Jo shook her head, tearfully clutching her friend in a tight embrace.

"It doesn't matter," she assured her. "All that matters is that you're back and we are going to get you cleared."

"I'm done crying now," Sara announced. "I'm ready to sort this out." Jo poured three large glasses of wine and they all sat down as Sara began from the very beginning. How she had liked Tom when he first arrived, how he had waited at her bus stop till she came out, how he had turned up at Jo's night out.

"I didn't know he was there!" Jo cried out when Sara had told her, he had obviously been very careful about who had seen him. She continued to tell them about the meeting, blushing when talking, but Jamie had encouraged her, saying he needed to know everything if he was going to help her. Each time it had only been the two of them, she had never realised but in hindsight Sara couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. She explained that she input the orders onto the system then passed them onto Tom, she didn't know what she was being accused of actually doing. Jamie sat back when she had finally finished.

"Bastard," he muttered under his breath, pouring another glass of wine. "He selected you, followed you, he got you to tell him all about yourself so that he knew all the buttons to press to get you to fall in love with him. Damn, I should have paid more attention."

"What are you on about? This is my fault, I was completely stupid just because I wanted a bit of excitement in my life, it had nothing to do with you. There was nothing you could have done Jamie, and I didn't fall in love with him." Sara shut her eyes in pain.

"Sara, there's something you should know," Jamie began but Jo cut him off.

"Now is not really the time, look, you had better catch a bus home as that is your third glass, you can pick your car up in the morning." Packing him up, she ushered him out. When he had gone, Sara looked at her.

"What is going on?" she demanded but Jo just waved her hand innocently.

#  Chapter 15

Jamie sat on the bus cursing himself for not speaking out last night, he had spent the night worrying about her, he had no leads, no clues to follow up on. His bag was bulging with papers that he needed to go through, but as Jo had an exam this morning he had to stay with Sara. Not that she needed a sitter, he was sure of that now, whatever Mary had said to her had certainly made a difference. Sara did not deserve this, he couldn't believe how he had been so stupid as to think she was caught up in it all. He really liked her, he had tried on numerous occasions to ask her out but she had always declined, he had always thought it was because she was too caught up in her work. When Tom had begun standing a little too close, touching her arm when he thought no one was looking, giving her little knowing smiles, Jamie had become jealous and ignored evidence, thinking that Sara was part of it. She was bound to hit the wall when she found out who he really was and why he was in that department in the first place, but Jo was right, now was probably not the time. He stared out the window as people scurried about trying to avoid the showers, that's all it seemed to do lately, rain, everywhere was wet and miserable.

"Oh... Oh!" Jamie shouted out loud, earning him several dirty stares from the other passengers. He grabbed his mobile and dialled. "Frank, it's me, I need you to pull all the security tapes from the reception front building over the past month. Can you do that? Excellent, send it to me when you have sorted it, thanks, mate, see you soon." Hanging up, he prayed that he was right and this was the break they were looking for. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if anything happened to Sara. She had looked terrible in the hospital, Jamie had struggled to even look at her she was so pale, so hurt, he just wanted to make everything OK but he couldn't, maybe he could now.

Jamie walked straight into Sara's flat, sat on her sofa and began to scan through the video.

"Do you want to tell me exactly how you got this?" Sara quizzed him. With no reply from him she sat next to him, staring at the screen. "So what are we looking for?"

"It's been raining a lot lately!" he said excitedly.

"So?"

Jamie let out an irritated sigh. "You said Tom always dropped you round the corner to supposedly stop office gossip, yeah? But it is obvious that he can't have done this all on his own, he must have had help from sales, so my guess is he conned one of the sales girls as well as you." Sara's heart flipped again, the sick feeling rising. Jamie continued. "Look, if he was, and he was picking them up or dropping them off..." he paused.

"Oh my God," Sara finished for him. "There is no way any of the sales girl would walk out in the rain and risk messing their hair up, they would have made him drop them off at the door. You are a genius, Jamie." Jamie smiled and continued scrolling through the video at speed; after hours of footage Sara suddenly shouted out,

"That's it, that's his car and that's.... oh shit!" Jamie looked at the screen. "That's the bitch that sat on my desk, she's the one who set up all the orders in the first place, she argued with Tom and she was there at the casino that night. Lee saw her too. She and Tom had a huge fight outside."

"Oooh, what we looking at?" Jo asked as she came in the room.

"What the hell are you doing here? You have an exam," Sara lectured her. Jo rolled her eyes.

"Done, it's lunchtime, just how long have you two been at that screen?" She flopped down on the sofa, turning the laptop to face her. "Oh, that's Tom's girlfriend," she said casually.

"WHAT!" Jamie and Sara said at the same time.

"Well, was his girlfriend," Jo backtracked. "I mean when I worked there she was, I can't remember if she worked there or not?"

Jamie and Sara looked at each other. "Did you ever hear that they broke up?" Jamie asked.

"Well no, but obviously they did because...." Jo dropped off. "Oh!" she said finally cottoning on.

"Did she give you all the orders, Sara?" Jamie began speaking very quickly.

Sara wracked her brains trying to think. "Erm, I think so, yes, Lee always made jokes about her, Tom had said..." She remembered how she had felt when Tom had come to her defence but all the time he was that woman's boyfriend. She felt stupid all over again. "It doesn't matter," she mumbled.

"This is a good thing," Jamie reassured her, holding her hand. "This is a really good lead." He neglected to tell her it was his only lead.

Sara spent the rest of the afternoon going through all the tapes, noting when Tom had dropped the woman off or picked her up. Jo had been on her Facebook page and had discovered several old pictures of sales parties with Tom on them, every time the woman was with him. Jamie had called the police and informed them of their find, and told them to include her in their investigations. "I need you to look at all these orders," Jamie asked. "I managed to copy a stack before everything got taken."

"I still don't understand," Sara stated.

Jamie explained that after the orders had been placed by her, extra items had been added on later and then invoiced to customers; these extra items were shipped to a different address from the main order. That's when he realised Sara knew nothing about it, she would never have asked him about the order knowing that he would have known the extra parts had nothing to do with the main order. Only someone with technical knowledge would have known that. Companies often had things delivered to two or three addresses so it would not have seemed suspicious; Saltec only noticed when customers started to query their invoices, saying they were being charged for items they had never received.

"But how much can a few little extra parts be?" Sara still didn't understand.

"Sara, customers were being charged thousands of pounds too much, some of these parts or just licenses can be hundreds of pounds. Think about how many orders you and Lee have placed over the last month, and multiply that by a few thousand per order, that's how much they will have made by selling the extra parts on after ..." Jamie stopped in his tracks.

"After I was convicted and the heat had died down!" Sara confirmed. "God, what is wrong with me, I am so stupid, so blind! I just wanted a bit of excitement!" Her bottom lip began to quiver.

"No, come on," Jo interjected. "You said you were done with crying!" She put an arm around her friend, trying to comfort her.

"That's just what she needs," Jamie muttered.

"Excuse me!" Sara said shocked, "I'm sorry if my misery is annoying you."

"Oh for God's sake, don't you get sick of that poor little girl routine?"

"Jamie!" Jo spoke out shocked.

"Jo, enough is enough, she sits there going on and on about how bad her life is, how she had a boring life so she left her boyfriend, how she sat and waited for something exciting to happen. When all this happened she just sat back and let everyone else deal with it. Jesus, you need to take control of your life, Sara, things don't just happen, you make them happen."

"Are you saying this is my fault?" she screamed, outraged.

"Did you ever question his motives? Did you ever think why he was taking all the orders off you? Why he never gave you his mobile number? Why you never went to his place? Did you ever think that this man was acting too quickly? Christ, you practically slept with him the moment you met!" The sound of Sara's hand connecting with his face echoed around the room, Jo covered a gasp with her hands and just stood staring at the two, who were glaring at each other. Jamie rubbed his face that now had the red imprint of Sara's hand on it. "You need to grow up, Sara, you run away from everything you don't like instead of trying to fix it! We are trying to help you fix this but unless you grow up and help it's just gonna happen to you over and over again." He grabbed his laptop and headed out the door. Sara stood rooted to the spot, her hands balled into tight fists.

"I'm sure he didn't mean that!" Jo said, attempting to break the silence.

"I'm pretty sure he did!" Sara spoke through gritted teeth. "Jo, I'm sorry but I need to be alone."

"Sara, you know I can't do that, I'm not supposed to..."

"IT WAS A MISTAKE, JO," Sara shouted. "I got drunk, I spilt a bottle of tablets, that's all! I. Am. Fine, but I want to be alone right now or I am going to take this out on you!" Jo saw the intense look on Sara's face and agreed, closing the front door behind her.

#  Chapter 16

It took two buses for Sara to get to where she was going, the anger that was burning through her veins had led her to her ex's house, 'The Bastard' himself. Sara had no idea what to do after she had thrown Jo out, Jamie had been so rude to her. How dare he speak to her like that? She had paced around her lounge several times before she decided that she needed some more space. She ran out of her flat, forgetting to grab a jacket or umbrella, her heart racing as she fought back tears of rage. How the hell could he say that about her? She had tried to start a new life, she had tried to change her fortunes but her ex had screwed everything up for her. Even when she left he had taken every penny she had, forcing her to take a crappy job in a crappy office, suddenly she knew exactly where she was going. She stood on the doorstop waiting for him to answer the door, ready to take it all out on the man that deserved it.

"Bloody hell, now that I didn't expect." Craig stood there staring at Sara like he had seen a ghost. "Shit, it's a good job Louise is out, what are you doing here?" Sara opened her mouth to speak but for the life of her she couldn't think what to say, she didn't really know why she was there. She didn't know anything anymore.

"I'm...sorry, I don't know why I'm here." Wanting to run away, she turned to leave.

"Sara, wait, please don't go, what's wrong? You look terrible, please, please come inside, you look freezing." A whispered "OK" was all that she could manage.

Craig made a pot of coffee and moved over to the table to sit with Sara, he placed a cup in front of her and rubbed her hand in a sort of uncomfortable, affectionate way.

"Your house is very nice" she said, gratefully sipping the strong coffee. He laughed.

"You hate it, and don't lie, I know you too well! This is so not your taste!" It was true, whilst she was sure it was all very fashionable it had no personality, it looked like every other house she seen in magazines and on the TV.

"Well you like, it that's the main thing," she smiled.

"You're joking, I hate it, keep telling her I need a man's room when I come home but she won't let me!" He affectionately looked into his cup.

"Why do you let her do it then? Why not say you want to do something different?" This earned a great belly laugh from him.

"Talk about pot calling the kettle black, I don't remember you saying you wanted something different when we were together. You just left!" There was bitterness in his voice that made Sara feel bad. "You were so full of what I didn't do, what was wrong with me, how I ruined your life. You know what, Sara, if you would have only talked to me I might have changed for you or at least tried." His eyes filled as he spoke and he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I really loved you, Sara, I know it wasn't the all-consuming love you wanted but I did love you so very much."

Sara's heart burst as she watched this man shed a tear over what she had done, it had never occurred to her that she had hurt him, she had blamed him for so long, but listening to him, what could she really blame him for?

"Yeah, that's why you locked me out of my own house and sent me a cheque for three pounds forty-seven," she spat out in retaliation. "That was supposed to be my half was it, the deposit, all the furniture, our savings account etc?"

"Oh she's a little bitch sometimes, isn't she," he giggled. "The locks were changed because I was hurting; when I calmed down I sent a cheque for three thousand, four hundred and seventy pounds! I guess Lou changed it, here, I will rectify that now." He reached behind him where his cheque book was sitting on the sideboard, chuckling to himself. Could it be that she had been the selfish one? Jamie was right; she had just run away instead of staying to fight for her relationship with Craig.

"Why her?" Sara found herself asking after a long awkward pause.

"I know where I stand with her," he answered matter-of-factly. "If I mess up she's the first one to tell me, believe me!" He handed over the cheque. "She was just jealous of you, you know, that's why she messed about like this. She was worried that you would decide that you wanted me after all and come back but you know, Sara, I don't think even you know what you really want. Me, I just want a quiet life, someone to tell me what they want so I can do it for them and that's that, no guess work. I just wish you had talked to me rather than keep it all inside." He took Sara's hand and squeezed it tight, forcing a smile.

"I wish I had talked to you too," Sara admitted, "I'm so sorry. Someone told me I needed to grow up, maybe they were right!"

Craig laughed "And that person is still alive? Wow, you must have really mellowed in your old age!"

They finished off their coffee and made polite conversation for a while before Sara felt she really had to leave. They stood on the doorstep, neither of them wanting to say goodbye, knowing that this would be the last time they did.

"I really do wish you well, Craig; I hope your wedding goes well."

"Oh, it will be completely over the top and a total nightmare I am sure of it," he laughed, "but hey, if that's what she wants..." He brushed Sara's fringe out of her eyes. "Sara, I know you're not telling me something, we've known each other too long to kid ourselves. I hope you know that if you are ever, ever in any trouble you can always come to me, despite what has gone on between us, I will always be there for you if you need me, Sara." He took her hand and kissed it very tenderly, it made Sara want to cry again. She had messed up her whole life, maybe she wasn't happy with Craig any more but she wished she had at least tried to work it out. Wished they could have parted friends rather than spent the last year hating him, blaming him when it was so clear now that there was nothing to blame him for.

"Look, I know your brain is in overdrive and I want you to know it's OK, I won't lie, I was devastated when you left, heartbroken, but I understand and I am happy now. I have the life I need. I just want quiet and uneventful, Louise gives me that, well maybe not quiet but there are no guessing games with her, you have nothing to feel bad about, you did the right thing."

"I just wish I had done it differently," Sara interrupted.

"Yeah, well, you and me both," he said. "We can't change what is done, just move on. I hope you find happiness, Sara, and I meant it when I said if you need me."

"Yeah, just not when the lovely Louise is in, eh!" she joked sarcastically.

"Jesus, yeah, call first!" he goofed. "She will have my balls in a vice if she knows you've been here!"

"Thanks for the cheque, Craig."

"It's your money, Sara, fifty, fifty all the way and that's exactly half of everything."

She gave him one last hug, both holding onto each other longer than they should. Finally releasing him, she turned and walked away, turning one last time to see him wiping tears from his face before going back into his house. Guilt flooded her, she really had been selfish, not just to him but to everyone. She had acted like a child when Jo had met new friends, new people. Jamie was right, Tom had come along offering everything she wanted and she had jumped on board without even questioning it once, like a little schoolgirl rather than a woman in her thirties who should have known better; well she was paying for it now!

"Where the hell have you been?" Jo bellowed down the phone when Sara called her. "Jamie went absolutely ballistic when he found out I'd left you on your own."

"What's he so bothered about? He made his feelings towards me more than clear earlier; I'm fine, I just need a lift!"

"Sara, are you totally blind as well as stupid? God, what is he worried about? What the heck do you think he is worried about? He is out there now, driving around looking for you."

"I just went out, I am allowed out, you know, I am not under house arrest and don't talk to me like that, Jo!" Sara was getting fed up with being told off by the pair of them. "Jo, look, it's pouring down with rain and the next bus isn't for another hour, I just wanted to know if you could come and pick me up, that's all."

"Where are you?"

"I'm outside Craig's house." The line went quiet.

"Are you OK?" Jo asked tentatively.

"I'm fine, just clearing up a few loose ends, can you get me or not?"

"Jamie is not far from there, he's in my car, I will call him now."

"Thanks."

"We will talk when you get back," Jo said, not sounding happy with Sara at all.

Sara walked to the nearest bus stop where Jo arranged for Jamie to pick her up; apparently Jamie's car was low on petrol so Jo had told him to use hers until he had time to refill his again. She sat down on the bench, her hair dripping wet from the sudden downpour. She had made a real mess of her life and could only see now how miserable she had made the people around her that loved her. Selfish, she'd been completely unaware of what she was doing. She questioned if that's what she had done with her parents, had she just not made the effort with them, just let their relationship drift apart? Her mind whirled as a car pulled up alongside her and a lunatic jumped out, grabbing her tightly.

God, this woman was going to drive him mad, he had already run one car out of petrol driving round and round trying to find her, and now he was in Jo's car trying desperately to think of where to look. He had been so hard on her when they argued; he hadn't slept in days and was so tired and frustrated that he had just lost it with her. He had gone back to the flat to apologise but there was no reply, when he called Jo and she told her Sara had sent her away, he panicked. What if she had done something? What if she was hurt? What if she had gone to find Tom herself? If he had hurt her, he would kill him. Just as his thoughts were turning to where to purchase a gun, Jo had called, thank God she was alright but she had gone to her ex's house, but why? What for?

He sped through the traffic, following her instructions, desperate to see if she was OK when finally he saw her. She sat at the bus stop dripping wet, her hair was hanging loose and she was flapping her jacket trying to dry it. His heart raced as it had the first time he had seen her, Sara had come in to the office to ask for help, he had thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. She had leaned over his desk when talking to him, completely oblivious as to how sexy she looked, but he was under orders and couldn't get involved, but she had been so tempting. Looking at her now, he knew he had done it, he had fallen for her. From that very first time he saw her he knew that he was going to, and so had tried to fight it but it was too late. He had fallen in love with her, her clumsiness, her neurosis, her paranoia, everything, he just wanted to wrap her up all safe and sound. He pulled the car up to the curb and leaped out, grabbing her tightly like he never wanted to let her go.

"Jamie, get off me, what is wrong with you?" Sara demanded.

"ME, what is wrong with ME? Are you kidding? What the hell are you doing here? Did you not think that I would go out of my mind with worry?" Jamie's voice was high and fast.

"Jesus, you sound like my mother, what has got into you? You were the one who told me to grow up; I took you advice and sorted some things out."

"You took my...you sorted...oh babe." He grabbed her again, kissing the top of her head; she pushed back against his chest.

"Jamie, what the hell is going on? I've been gone a couple of hours you'd have thought I'd been missing a week, get a grip, man!"

"I couldn't find you, didn't even know where to look...I thought I'd lost you!" Jamie whispered and holding her face in his hands he kissed her, not passionately, not desperately but a tender loving kiss. He drew back and stared into her eyes, Sara stood shocked her eyes wide open.

"Sorry, Sara, I just, I'm just relieved you're OK." He pulled back and shuffled his feet.

"Erm, that's OK, I guess." Sara frowned at him. "It's just a kiss, right!"

"Yeah, yeah just a kiss, a 'relieved you're OK' kiss."

"Well then, if it's OK with you I would like to go home please, I need a shower to warm me up." Sara shivered as the cold set in. Jamie paused, staring at her.

"Erm, might have to go to Jo's or mine for a bit," he laughed nervously.

"WHY?"

"Well you didn't answer your door, then when I called Jo she told me you had chucked her out then, you didn't answer your phone and, well...well."

"Tell me you didn't break my door down!" Sara screamed, his guilty look answered her question. "YOU BOTH HAVE KEYS!"

"Well funnily enough my mind wasn't thinking straight at the time!"

"Oh my God, I don't believe it, talk about over-reacting! And I'm the drama queen! You are so gonna pay for that to be replaced!" She got into the car and slammed the door.

"I am I am, I promise I am onto it right now, it will be fixed in no time."

Sara sat livid all the way home, but she couldn't help but notice the smug little grin that Jamie had on his face and the little sly looks he kept giving her that made his smile widen. Good grief, why couldn't she stay mad at him? After swopping cars and filling up, Jamie drove Sara to his apartment, Jo had said she could sleep at hers but Jamie had argued that he needed to go through more paperwork with her and Jo had to study for her exams. Sara was not happy with the arrangement but there was no way she was going to let this interfere with Jo's exams. This was her mess to sort out, it was about time she realised that and stopped letting everyone else sort out her problems. Jo had already packed her some things in a bag, she thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for Sara to see how badly smashed up her door was. Jamie had clean ripped it off its hinges, the landlord had gone berserk, but Jo had assured him that it would all be sorted the next day. If he wouldn't mind keeping an eye on her flat so her possessions would be safe, but to be honest, being on the third floor no one ever went up that far.

"So this is the lounge, the kitchen is through there and the bathroom there and bedroom is down the hall."

"Bedroom as in singular," Sara pointed out. Jamie grinned.

"The sofa is a sofa bed, don't worry, I will sleep out here."

"Damn right you will."

The apartment was quite large for a one-bedroom place; it was on the ground floor and had a little garden out the back. The lounge was open plan, and had a long breakfast bar separating it off from the kitchen. Sara wandered around, jealously stroking the beautiful wooden kitchen and granite surfaces.

"You like?" Jamie asked as his eyes followed her around.

"Yeah it's OK, plenty of space for storming about," she added with a grin.

"Mmm, I tend to do that a lot since you entered my life."

Jamie showed her into her room and put her bag on the bed, then left her to get a shower and warm up. When she returned he had papers spread out all over the floor.

"What do you think you will find?" she asked.

"I just think that there must be something here, Mary said there is always a paper trail and I think she might be right."

"She said that to me too. Is there any news?" Jamie shook his head.

"I think it's a waiting game now."

Sara made a mental note to call Lee and check he was OK, in the meantime she sat next to Jamie and began looking through the orders. It just looked like a list of numbers to her, she had no idea what the parts were that were being ordered, just the part numbers.

"Are the police going to look into that saleswoman?" Sara asked.

"Yeah, she worked there just two months and funnily enough handed her notice in a week ago."

"That's round about the time when Tom moved to our department," Sara mused. "Come to think of it, that's about the time you came to our firm as well." She eyed him fiddling around, avoiding eye contact. "You wanted to tell me something the other day but Jo stopped you, what was it?" Jamie kept his eyes on the form. "JAMIE!" Sara urged.

"Sara, please don't get mad. I just...I am kind of self-employed." Sara raised her eyebrows "Well, I am good at what I do, technical stuff and that, so companies hire me to come in and sort out their problems, set up new systems and such." He paused, watching her reaction. "Well I was hired to look into some discrepancies that the company's system was having."

"What sort?" Sara demanded.

"Well, they had noticed that several invoices were outstanding, companies were disputing paying them saying they had not received certain parts, but when accounts had looked into it, it was discovered the companies the order was delivered to didn't exist. But the equipment was always returned by another company saying it had been delivered there by mistake, so no one really pushed it further, writing it off as a delivery error, they hired me to look into it. I started to find other orders that had been placed and delivered, but the company would call saying they hadn't received any of the items we were billing them for."

"And you think this is all connected?" Sara asked.

Jamie nodded. "I think that when Tom worked in sales, he discovered that more often than not there was no link between the tech department and the accounts dept. He could add extra items onto their bill but have it delivered to a dummy company, he would then sell those parts on and no one was the wiser, unless the accounts department did a check. If they did, he simply purchased more stock to replace the items he had stolen and could claim it was a mistake. As long as he kept the adjustments small, just the additional item here and there, then most of the time the companies would pay without even noticing stuff was missing."

"So how did I get mixed up in it all? Why set me up?" Sara asked.

"This is where I get confused. You see everything that has gone on before was small change compared to this, couple of hundred here and there, this is huge, the orders you placed ran to millions, so something fundamental changed."

Sara looked at all the orders. "You are making a huge assumption here."

"Oh yeah, go on then, what have I missed, smart arse?" he teased.

"You're presuming that Tom was the mastermind." Jamie stared at her blankly. "The fundamental change is that this woman suddenly started working for us. We know she was on the scene long before that because Jo has her in pictures and presumed she already worked in sales, but you just said that she started recently. Not to mention the huge fight that she and Tom had outside the casino where she said something about him sorting it out and not getting distracted!" Jamie closed his eyes as realisation dawned on him. "And you say that she has handed her notice in, but he hasn't! Maybe we should be looking more at her involvement." Jamie began riffling through the papers.

"Shit, why didn't I see that all these orders were placed by her?"

"You were too busy thinking it was me!" Sara added bitterly. "She will have earned commission on those orders as well, won't she?"

"Christ! She's got balls, I tell you that."

"Jamie!" Sara laughed; before they had time to celebrate, Sara's phone rang.

"Hello," Sara answered, there was no reply. "Hello!" she said louder, there was a sniffle on the phone. "Lee, oh God Lee, is that you?"

"She's gone, Sara, my Mary's gone."

#  Chapter 17

The rain had finally relinquished as Sara, Lee, Jamie and Jo stood in the church grounds, it was quite beautiful, the trees all had a golden glow and the leaves fell around them. The path was lined with small flowers and huge tall trees; to Sara it felt like a long driveway as if you were driving home rather than the entrance to a graveyard. Of course Mary had made all the arrangements before she died so that Lee didn't have to do a thing. She selected three beautiful songs that were not sad but very heart-warming. One by one everyone had gathered outside to see Mary's coffin taken to its resting place, she had obviously been well liked judging by the number of people that had turned up. Jo had clung to Lee to try and support him as his cries reverberated through all of them. Sara had gripped Jamie's arms so tightly, not knowing what the hell to do, watching Lee's despair as he was forced to say goodbye to his wife, it was so cruel and unfair.

Sara had tried to stay strong, tried to be there for Lee, but then she noticed Jamie's shoulders shaking as he wept, she slid her hand down his arm and clutched his hand in hers, entwining their fingers. Jamie turned to her, his eyes red and puffed up, he stared at their fingers, squeezing them together tighter, delighted with the affectionate gesture. Lee held on to Jo as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. "Come on now, girl, Mary wouldn't want us all like this!" Lee pushed her away slightly and handed her his handkerchief to wipe her eyes, using the back of his hand to wipe away his own, but Sara noticed that he caught her hand straight back into his as soon as she had finished. As they stood staring, not really knowing what to do next, people began to pay their respects to Lee and were now leaving, cars stirring up all the leaves on the ground.

"Come on now." Jo gently led Lee away from the graveside. "Mary isn't in that hole, she's watching over us from up there!" She pointed towards the sky, at that moment a breeze blew through the tree tops causing numerous leaves to dance around and fall to the floor as if proving a point. Sara took Lee's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Lee, if there is anything I can do."

"Are you fighting?" he asked, his voice was so quiet and fragile.

"Yes," she replied hardly speaking. After all this he was concerned about her, thinking of her and not himself. He stared off into the distance; to Sara's horror another funeral procession began arriving straight away. The mourners sniffling into their handkerchiefs, a father stood with his arm wrapped around a young boy protectively. Lee nodded his head towards the man, who returned the gesture.

"Lee." Jamie spoke tentatively. "I think we should go, this is private."

Lee hung his head down. "I don't know where to go to." He broke down crying, Sara's heart burst, not knowing how to comfort him.

"Lee, come back with me," Jo offered. "I've had my last exam now so I could do with some company, especially as these two have work to do." She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at him, suggestively emphasising the word 'work'.

"Really!" Lee said hopefully. Jo nodded slowly.

"What are you two on about?" Sara asked, confused.

"Blind as a bat!" Lee actually managed a smile between his sobs, which made everyone relax a little.

All four of them linked arms and began to walk back up the long drive to where the cars were parked. Sara and Jo had offered to make some lunch for everyone but Lee had refused, saying Mary had a few close friends and she had written them all letters, so there was no need for him to be in a room full of people he didn't know. She had already had stern words with Lee, she didn't want him to be miserable, not to mope around but he was to be strong and get on with his life. He had sat next to her in that hospital room and reluctantly said goodbye to his beloved wife, laying his head on the bed he silently cried whilst she stroked his hair, until eventually her hand fell back onto the bed, she had no strength left to fight and a long, last breath escaped her lips.

"Are you OK?" Jamie asked as they arrived back at his apartment. Sara's door had been fixed but she couldn't bear to be alone right now and Jamie had known that, insisting that he needed her company. "I need a drink," he said, walking over to the fridge and retrieving a beer.

"Yes please," Sara called out. "Bring a few." She knew she should be sorting things out, that the police were going to come calling any day now and if she hadn't gathered enough information she would be arrested, but today it just didn't seem important.

"She was such a lovely woman," Jamie murmured as he took a swig of beer. "It's just not fair, I only just got to know her but I loved her immediately."

"I know what you mean," Sara added. "She was just lovely to me; she made me feel like she was my mum, made me feel like I had someone looking after me. She used to cook me meals all the time and put them in my freezer."

Jamie nodded. "She told me I was a lovely young man," he laughed. "No one's ever called me that before, I felt like ... I don't know... it was just nice to hear." He swigged his beer again, rubbing his fingers against his forehead. "I also have two lasagnes in my freezer," he laughed. "I bet she would have made a lovely mum," he said quietly.

"She did," Sara said absentmindedly. Jamie turned to face her. "Don't tell Lee, she told me they had a daughter but she died, Lee can't face it so she asked me to tend to her grave." Sara's voice failed as she broke down, her heart pouring out. Jamie rushed over to her side and held her tightly, no words were spoken, they just held each other. After what seemed like an eternity Sara gazed up into Jamie's eyes, slowly she raised herself up to face him. He really was quite beautiful; his eyes shining with tears, he suddenly looked much older. Sara leaned forward and placed her lips against his brushing gently, tenderly. He was hesitant, his eyes remained open wearily, she moved her hands to close round his neck as the kiss intensified.

"Sara, please," Jamie begged as he pulled both her hands away. "Please, not like this."

"Jamie, I just need..."

"I know what you need, Sara, and I don't want to be that guy." Jamie stood up and walked over to the kitchen.

"I thought you were interested in me?" Sara barked. Jamie's eyes narrowed in fury.

"Sara, you have no idea, Christ, if you knew you would run a mile! I just...not like this...not when Mary has just...we can't ever go back from it." He sighed, calming himself. "Look, we're both upset and angry and a whole load of other emotions and I don't want a fight over nothing, look, why don't I just run you a hot bath, eh?" Sara sat, not knowing whether to be cross or embarrassed, what was wrong with her, throwing herself at guys lately, could she not learn a lesson? Jamie returned from the bathroom and took Sara's hand.

"Come on!" he smiled and led her into the bathroom. The smells that came out from behind the door were heavenly, mixtures of lavender and jasmine filled Sara's head. The bath was overflowing with bubbles, and candles flickered from the windowsill, their reflection sparkled off every shiny tiled surface.

"Wow," Sara breathed.

Jamie grinned that Cheshire cat grin. "Tell me that this isn't exactly what you need." He left her to get undressed and she slowly sank into the heavenly warm water. Once she was settled she heard music coming from the lounge, not the usual rock that she heard Jamie listen to, this was a soft country tune; she closed her eyes, listening to the words. "You decent?" Jamie asked from the other side of the door.

"Erm," Sara panicked "...not really, I'm in the bath and I don't usually wear clothes in the bath!"

"Ha ha, very funny, I put all those bubbles in there for a reason, you know." Sara scooped bubbles, ensuring she was totally covered before allowing Jamie to come in. "You feeling better?" he asked, offering her a cup of tea.

"Tea? In the bath? What are you a pensioner in disguise or something? What is it with you and your tea?" Sara giggled.

"Hey, I like my tea, thank you very much," Jamie defended, putting the toilet lid down so that he could sit on it next to her. "It's very relaxing having a soak with a cup of tea."

"Oh dear, now you're just being a girl!"

"What is it with you and all the insults to me? I have been nothing but nice to you!" Jamie pouted.

"You have to be nice, respect your elders and all that," Sara teased.

Jamie shook his head. "Well excuse me, I had no idea you were so old! I guess in your world a couple of years is a massive age gap!"

"I think you will find it's more than a couple of years, Jamie," Sara said, adjusting her bubble blanket.

"That just shows how much attention you pay, Ms Ryan, if you had paid attention you would have discovered that I am twenty nine, not nineteen and for your information I, unlike you, DO pay a lot of attention." He leaned over the bath looking down at where she had just adjusted her bubbles, making her blush reverently.

"Are you really twenty nine?" Sara asked once her colour had returned to normal, Jamie nodded; it was like she was just starting to really see him. He sat drinking his tea, his eyes were smoky, grey and his black hair fell freely around his face. He smiled at her and she almost melted, he was right, she never had paid an interest in him before but looking at him now was taking her breath away. He leaned over, placing his cup on the floor.

"Here, sit forward," he encouraged in a low voice. Sara obliged, ensuring that she was all covered up. Jamie poured some gel into his hands and began slow circles on her back, smoothing the skin up to her shoulders then stroking back down to her waist, and she moaned in pure pleasure. It was so nice she felt like she could go to sleep there and then, there was no need for words between them, Sara simply rested her head on her knees that she had drawn up to cover herself.

"Why did you think I would get mad at you, Jamie?" Sara asked after a while, trying to distract herself from the wonderful feel of his hands. When he didn't reply she went on, "When you told me that you had been hired to investigate the office you said, please don't get mad?"

Jamie stopped his rubbing. "I thought you would think that I had lied to you, I was investigating you really, spying, I just... I don't know I don't want you to think badly of me. Sara, I have never and would never lie to you or deceive you." His hands began again slowing rising up, his thumbs pushed up into the base of her neck whilst his palms squeezed her shoulders.

"Oh God, that is so good," Sara gasped, as she felt like all the tension was leaving her body. "I'm sorry about before," she began, but he shushed her and leaned forward and kissed the side of her neck. Sara found herself tilting to allow him better access. He trailed tiny tender kisses from behind her ear, down her neck and along her shoulder, every nerve in her body suddenly stood on end, the hairs on her arms prickled and her breath became rapid. He let out a long sigh against her neck and stood to leave. Sara's heart raced and she turned to look at him confused. This wasn't like it had been with Tom, that had been pure passion, just a desire to feel passionate and attractive again, to be exciting. But when Jamie had kissed her it felt... more innocent...caring, but at the same time it felt exciting and intimate.

"I think I need to leave you to it now!" he growled, his eyes burning as he looked her up and down. "Besides, your bubbles are fading." He turned his head to the ceiling, whistling as he closed the door behind him. Sara looked down to see practically all the bubbles around her chest gone, but instead of being embarrassed like she usually would be, she found herself grinning and stretching out luxuriously, she felt like all her worries had disappeared.

After brushing her teeth and dressing in her pyjamas she walked into the lounge to find a note pinned on the kitchen side:

Dear Sara,

Gone for a late run, really not a good idea to be around you right now. I think I need to run this off. See what you do, this will be the second time I have had to walk or run this off after being around you! I hope you are feeling more relaxed, you see I know you better than you know yourself. I knew exactly what you needed! Unfortunately what I need I shouldn't get at the moment so I need to distract myself – gonna be difficult though, you really were a picture, with AND without the bubbles!!!

Go to bed, sleep well, sweetheart.

Jamie.

Sara smiled, holding the letter to her chest, so he loved to run just like her, Jamie was the second person to tell her that she didn't really know herself or what she wanted, maybe it was time to address that. She walked into Jamie's bedroom, opening the built-in wardrobe to put her clothes away. It seemed strange seeing her clothes hanging next to a man's again. More than a little curious, she slid open the other side of the wardrobe and gasped in delight. Hidden behind this door it was all shelved, not just a few but floor to ceiling shelves, each one full of books, fiction, autobiographies, shelves of technical manuals, it was a remarkable sight. "Wow," Sara thought. "He loves to run, he has a wardrobe full of books, maybe I don't know Jamie at all!" She also thought that now she knew these new revelations perhaps she should make the effort to get to know him. She curled up in Jamie's bed and fell asleep with a huge smile on her face, for the first time in weeks she slept soundly.

#  Chapter 18

Sara was woken up by voices in the lounge, she put a jumper over her vest top and opened the bedroom door to find Detective Benton sitting talking to Jamie. "Sara, you're up, great," Jamie enthused, Detective Benton just smirked at the sight of her coming out of Jamie's bedroom. "We're just going through the videos and orders," he continued, oblivious to Benton's grinning.

"Do you think it will make a difference?" Sara asked hopefully.

"Well, this is where we are at the moment," Detective Benton began adding "...and I didn't tell you this. So we traced back all the discrepancies Mr McKay found, and they go back longer than before you started with the company, they are all small amounts, nothing major and all covered up. We also looked into Tom Blakely's bank accounts, they certainly tell a story, there are huge withdrawals and equally large deposits on a regular basis. He has loans and visas and after what you said about his visit to the casino I asked around local loan sharks etc. He has a long outstanding history of gambling debts, apparently he is a regular at most of them."

"I think he was stealing to place bets then repaying with winnings if he needed to," Jamie jumped in. "Sorry," he added, after receiving a stern look from Detective Benton.

"Anyway, it seems that the woman you have pictures of him with previously worked at a casino across town up until a few months ago. We think that's why he took you to a brand new casino so that no one knew him; she walked straight into a job at Saltec after Tom recommended her. All the orders were placed by her, Johnsons said they had felt very confident in her and so left all the ordering of stock in her hands, they knew nothing about the extra parts, they just paid the invoices."

"That's great." Sara was suddenly ecstatic. "Surely that's enough to clear me, then."

"Not quite, we still have evidence that your key card was used at the time the orders were placed," Jamie said gloomily.

A thought suddenly dawned on Sara, "Oh for... I am so thick," she chastised herself. "My key card, my key card hasn't worked in weeks, Carol the receptionist has had to buzz me in nearly every day. I ordered a new one but it never came, I was gonna chase it up but I just got snowed under with work," she babbled. Detective Benton started making notes.

"And this Carol works on reception, yes?" he confirmed. Sara nodded her head frantically. "Right, excuse me, I need to follow this up, and you and you," he pointed to the both of them, "Stay here until I contact you, you are not to go near Saltec, got it!" Sara and Jamie both nodded together, she couldn't believe it was going to be over, she could clear her name.

After letting the detective out Jamie bounded back into the room and swept Sara into his arms, swinging her around. "I can't believe it, we need to celebrate," he cheered. "Let's call Jo and Lee, tell them the good news!"

"Look, Jamie, I'm ecstatic I am really, but Lee just lost his wife, I'm just not sure it's tactful."

"Yeah shit, yeah sorry, I got caught up, we should call him anyway. Hey, why don't we shoot round there, I think we will be OK. I will text Benton and let him know where we are." Jamie took out his phone and began to text. "Are you going like that?" he added with a grin. Sara looked down at her pyjamas, she had totally forgotten she was still in them.

It was lunchtime before they reached Jo's house. "Who the fuck is knocking so God damn loud!" Lee groaned through the door. Sara looked at Jamie, concerned that maybe this wasn't a good idea. When the door opened, Sara and Jamie gasped in unison.

"Bloody hell, mate. Are you OK?" Jamie asked.

"NO...I blame HER!" Lee muttered, pointing at Jo who had just shuffled into sight.

"Don't blame me, let's play Twister, he says, let's get drunk he says, let's drink Jo's house dry he says. Yuk, my head feels like it had nails driven through it!" Jo staggered into the kitchen. "Tablets, I need tablets." Sara and Jamie laughed at each other in relief.

"Well now, you kids just sit right down and Uncle Jamie will take care of you both, even if it is self-inflicted," he reprimanded, and began making two strong coffees.

"Make that three coffees," a voice called out.

"No, four please," came another voice out of Jo's bedroom.

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Me too, I just want to go home."

"Yeah, better idea, cancel the coffees." Two girls came out of the bedroom, dragging their bags behind them. "I'm outta here, honey, got to go to bed." Jo kissed each one on the cheek.

"See you later, babies," Lee called out grinning. Sara put her hands on her hips.

"Just what the hell has been going on here!" she demanded.

"Jesus, woman don't shout!" Lee groaned, grabbing his head. Sara grabbed Jo by the arm and dragged her into the kitchen, where Jamie was currently standing with his mouth hanging open.

"Speak. Now."

"Chill, we came back here, we talked, I forgot how lovely Lee is," Jo mumbled grabbing a coffee from Jamie. "A few of the girls turned up from uni, I forgot they were coming. He told us that Mary had written him a letter but he couldn't bear to open it, so we all opened it together. Got to tell you I cried, he cried, we got drunk, but you know what, more than anything we laughed."

"You laughed!" Sara was horrified.

"Yeah," Jo said, understanding her horror. "You will understand it when you read it, go on, he wants us all to read it." Sara hesitantly took the letter Jo handed out to her; Jamie moved to stand behind her so that he could also read it. Jo smiled at the sight and went back into the lounge with Lee.

" _My dearest Lee,_

How do I say goodbye to someone I have been married to for over thirty years? I know this is hard on you and I wish it didn't have to be like this but there is nothing you can do now. Please my love promise me that you will get on with life. Don't stop living just because I am not with you, I cannot bear the thought of you being lonely and miserable. We have had a wonderful life and I would not have changed a minute of it. Even that time you decided you wanted to grow your hair long, do you remember? You thought you looked like a rock star! But I stayed with you anyway!

We had a good life, a great life and I want to thank you for the years you gave me, you have been my best friend as well as my husband and have loved me so much I never doubted it. You put me on a pedestal so high I already feel like I've touched heaven but now you have to go on without me. Be silly, darling, be daft and have fun do all the things I would never let you do like play that stupid game Twister, you would always nag me to play that at Christmas and I always refused. I wish I could be there to see the smile on your face again but even lying in this hospital I can remember the fun we used to have and that delicious smile of yours. Even when I look at you now, so sad and alone sitting next to me I remember, but you are not alone, dear. Sara needs you and so does that lovely girl, Jo and that handsome boy, Jamie, they are your family now. I know that you already see Sara as family and you have to make sure she is OK, Lee. She needs to see what a wonderful man that Jamie is and how wonderful she is herself, help her to see what she's worth, Lee.

You have loved me enough to last a lifetime and I love you so much, my darling. Please know that you will be sad, you will cry and you will move on, darling. I will always be with you, my one and only love. Now I want you to do as I say and remember that I always did know you better than you knew yourself, so listen when I tell you that you can get through this. It may not feel like it now but I know how strong you are, soon you will live, move on and live the rest of your life without me. We will be together again eventually, and if you have moped around mourning me you will be in trouble!

Your loving wife

Mary

Tears poured down Sara's face as she read, Jamie reached out and touched the letter as if he could reach Mary through it. His hand slid around Sara's waist and he pulled her close to him, burying his head into the back of her neck to hide his tears. The words stuck out on the page, thirty years of marriage, how was Lee even coping? Mary had said that phrase, Jamie had said more or less the same thing on his note the night he had gone for a run. Is that what she was missing in her life, someone who knew her better than she knew herself? She wiped her face and tried to turn around but Jamie didn't release her, he couldn't let her go, he had fallen in love with Mary the minute he had met her, she was just lovely and now she was calling him family.

"Are you OK, Jamie?" Lee asked as he walked into the kitchen, he took a coffee.

"Sara, why don't you just pop into the lounge for a minute," he said, understanding that Jamie may not want Sara to see him upset. She wriggled out of his grip and left the men to talk. "Come on, son, if she didn't want me upset, she certainly wouldn't want you upset, would she." He handed Jamie a tissue, damn that woman for knowing how to push everyone's buttons, she always knew exactly what needed to be said and done.

"I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am, I just can't imagine your pain," Jamie sobbed.

Lee put his cup back on the side. "She was my life, son, I have no idea how I am going to manage without her, I don't even know how to pay the bills or anything, she did everything for me." He sighed. "But Mary was Mary, she would have cut my hands off if I'd have messed up her filing system by trying to help! Even though she's not here, the woman still scares me to death! I'm gonna have to learn but she is right, she reminded me I am not alone, you kids are my family now and I have you all to take care of. Jo's a card, isn't she," he said changing the subject.

"Yeah, yeah, she's a diamond alright," Jamie agreed, wiping his nose.

"A diamond in the rough," Lee corrected. "When the hell did girls start drinking like that? I tell you, even I had trouble keeping up! Bless 'em, we did have a laugh though, I think I gained another two daughters last night, I tell you at the rate I'm going I'm gonna have kids coming out of my ears!" He chuckled sadly. "I'm not going to have time to miss Mary!" His smile faded. "I guess I am going to have to go home at some point, though."

"You stay here as long as you want, daddy!" Jo shouted out from the lounge. Both men smiled.

"Maybe a bit longer if that's OK, Jo, but it's my home, mine and Mary's, and when I'm ready I need to go home."

Jamie reached over and patted Lee's arm. "We are all here for you when you are ready, Lee, we'll do it together."

#  Chapter 19

"So that means I am free to go?" Sara asked in disbelief as Detective Benton smiled widely. After being pulled in for questioning Tom had finally admitted to fraud, he had met Nina, his girlfriend, in the casinos. After a few drinks he had confided in her about his little scam of adding extra parts on each order and then selling the parts on without anyone noticing. Nina had been around long enough to see the bigger picture, and convinced Tom to get her a job in sales. She had very quickly picked up everything she needed to know and had charmed one of the executives at Johnsons, a large company that owned several shopping websites. The executive had no problem in placing a huge order with her, allowing her to deal with it all. She had begun with simply adding a few extra parts on each order but quickly escalated to thousands of pounds worth of stock. But she had been greedy, nearly two hundred and seventy thousand pounds worth of additional parts had been ordered, but with just a five million pound order it did not go unnoticed by their accounts department. As soon as questions started being asked Nina had split with her share of the money, she had convinced Tom to stay as his back was covered and it would look suspicious if they both left.

Sara had been Tom's cover. Nina had been watching Sara and decided that she was the perfect candidate, a little flattery and a promise of promotion would be all it took. Nina would make sure that Sara was kept so busy she would not have time to get suspicious, and Tom was to seduce her so that her head was occupied with him and nothing else. He was to confuse her and make sure that she was so besotted by him she would do anything and overlook anything for him. They had taken Sara's new key card that had been ordered for her, and Tom had watched her and noted her passwords, every time an order was placed they made sure to use her details so nothing could be traced back to them. By placing a sexual harassment complaint, Sara could not claim to be in a relationship with Tom, and so had no other reason to stay behind all the time. Lee had unwittingly confirmed this when they asked him if Sara and Tom had been together when they all went to the casino, he had told them no way and it had just been a works outing. But Detective Benton had pulled all the camera videos; every time Sara's key card had been used he had been able to show that she had already left the building. Carol, the receptionist, had confirmed that Sara's key card didn't work and hadn't worked for weeks.

The final nail in their coffin had been all the paperwork, Jamie had copied files and files the night he realised Sara had no part in it. Before they could destroy it all he had copied orders before they had been amended, orders with different writing on them, and found handwritten notes in the files between Tom and Nina. Since Nina had been banned from coming into the office, she had been reduced to writing notes in the files which proved their guilt. Jamie had found many of them that night, before Tom had chance to destroy them.

Sara sat back, not believing that she was finally cleared, relief washed over her like a wave, it had been surreal, meeting Tom, being accused of theft, Mary, everything. Sara had held it all inside, building it up like a rock that was crushing her, rendering her unable to breath. But now, now she felt like it was lifting, like the nightmare that had been her life was suddenly coming to an end and she, Sara Ryan, was still standing. Yes she was battered and bruised but she was still standing. "Miss Ryan, the company would like to offer its sincere apologies and its gratitude in this matter." The suit that had fired her entered the room. "Mr Brook, I am the head of the accounting division," he introduced himself. Sara had thought he looked familiar, she had seen his picture in company newsletters. "You have uncovered a huge operation here, it's not just those two, Mr McKay is also helping to uncover more fraudulent orders, this is going to cause a major shakeup of the company, Miss Ryan." Sara's head swam, it was just too much information to take in, she just wanted to go home, she felt so stupid. This man was firing her not long ago and now he was singing her praises. "We will speak another time when you are ready." He handed her a card, "Please contact me in the next day or so, there is a lot I want to discuss with you, and your future here. I am again very sorry for this mess, Miss Ryan," he said, pulling his chair out and wishing them a pleasant evening.

"There's always a paper trail," Detective Benton said, as he piled all his papers together, smiling contently.

"That's what a friend of mine told me." Sara smiled, remembering Mary's words.

"Yep, she was a clever woman, that sister of mine!" Benton grinned. Sara's head shot up to him, not believing what she had just heard. "Oh come on, girl, did you not wonder why you weren't arrested straight away? Why the police even bothered to follow up other leads?" He laughed, "Old Mary would have had my guts for garters if I'd have let anything happen to you!" He winked, and left Sara sitting stunned. "Sent me a letter telling me to stay away from her funeral. I could mourn her when I cleared you!" He smiled sadly. "She was always right!" He shook his head. "Used to drive me mad when we were kids!" Opening the door wide, he told Sara to get herself off and forget what had happened to her, that she should make a clean start. Unable to help herself she launched into his arms, hugging him fiercely.

"I can't thank you enough, all of you." Benton returned her hug.

"It's my job, Sara, we put away the bad guys, not the silly young girls!"

"Are you OK? I can't believe it, I can't believe he just confessed to it all," Jamie garbled as soon as he saw her. "Apparently he felt really bad after what he'd done to you, he told them that he had actually got to like you a lot, that he didn't want to hurt you, he told them that you had made him feel special. He said that Nina had threatened to get the casinos to reclaim all their debts in one go, so he had no other option but to help her in one big job. Of course, Benton already had his bank account records, so he would have coughed up anyway but..."

"Did you know?" Sara interrupted. "Did you know Benton was Mary's brother?" The look on Jamie's face suggested otherwise, she smiled. "It doesn't matter," and with one finger on his chin closed his gaping mouth. Tom was just a sad addict, what he did, everything he said, it just didn't matter anymore, she felt nothing, not angry, not hurt, just relieved it was all over. "Just take me home, Jamie I want to get out of here."

"Of course, sweetheart. Come on, let's go."

Jo and Lee were waiting at Jamie's when the car pulled up. "Please tell me she's in the car," Lee prayed. "Please tell me that prat has coughed up and confessed, I can't bear to look."

"Yep, yes she is, oh thank God, thank God." Jo jumped up and down and nearly knocked Sara over as she came through the door, Lee joined in the group hug, so relieved that she was OK.

"Cup of tea?" Jamie offered, and went to put the kettle on whilst Sara explained the whole saga to her friends.

"I knew, I knew those orders were too big, I should have seen what was going on." Lee ran his hands through his hair.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sara said, outraged. "If you are saying that, then you're basically saying it's my fault as well, I processed just as many orders as you, I should have seen it. They weren't daft, Lee, they deliberately overloaded us with work so we didn't have time to question anything. Tom had huge debts that he owed the casinos, he needed a big pay out, Nina provided him with that opportunity. If truth be told, I kinda feel sorry for him in a way. None of this was his idea, it was all hers, and he was just in a mess and couldn't see another way out of it."

"What the hell? How can you feel sorry for him after everything he did to you?" Lee said, outraged, but Sara just smiled.

"We've all done stupid things, Lee, all of us, he is no different and in the end he did feel bad about it and he did tell the police everything! I don't really care, it's done now, I just want to forget about it all." Lee nodded in agreement, it didn't help though, he felt as guilty as hell.

"Mary never doubted you'd get it all sorted," he said soberly.

"Did you know?" Sara asked him, he raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"That it was Mary's brother who was investigating me."

"WHAT! Frank was investigating you...why that little...I'm gonna knock his teeth out!" Lee balled his hands into fists.

"Hang on there, cowboy!" Jamie intervened, returning with a tea tray. "If it wasn't for Frank Benton, Sara would never have stood a chance, he kept the investigation moving so that we had time to look for more evidence."

"Yeah and there was this one bloke that did it all for me, some bloke called McKay." Sara suddenly remembered Benton's words. Jamie snorted and Jo looked at her in utter amazement, Lee blinked long and hard.

"Has she even had a conversation you with since she's been here?" Lee turned to Jamie who suddenly started fidgeting with his watch strap.

"It doesn't matter," Jamie mumbled.

"Oh yes it does, good God, girl, open your bloody eyes, this boy has done everything to help you clear your name over the past few weeks, he's been up night and day risking his job for you, his reputation and you don't even know his name!"

Sara realised why everyone was staring at her, "Oh." She hung her head in shame. "You're Jamie McKay, I'm sorry I never heard anyone use your last name," and there she was again, selfish Sara. There was an awkward silence before Lee spoke.

"Look, it's getting late in the afternoon, and Jo and the girls are coming to help me sort out some of Mary's things."

"Oh please, Lee, let me help you, I haven't been there for you and I really want to be, I'm so sorry, please," Sara offered, but Lee shook his head.

"You. Stay. Here!" He pointed to the floor. "I've got to start doing stuff and Jo is going to help me," he turned to Jo, smiling lovingly.

"Yep, I've done my last exam now. I can't believe they made us do exams right at the start of term anyway, our tutor said he wanted to assess us all before he started teaching us, see what we could do first, bastard!" Jo earned a smack on her wrist for that. "Ow, hey!" she complained but Lee just gave her a stern look. Pulling Sara to one side, he decided she needed a little fatherly advice, telling her to open her eyes and see what she had in front of her.

"Mary and I had so much time together but it still wasn't enough, don't waste time, Sara!" he encouraged, kissing her on the cheek and giving her a huge hug. Sara told him how much she loved him and then waved them off, watching Jo switch channels on the radio much to Lee's annoyance. She loved them both so much, Lee had lost the love of his life, yet there he was with Jo telling her off like she'd been his daughter all their life. Mary had made sure that Lee had someone to care for, that he had someone to care for him, even though she was in pain and most definitely frightened, all she had thought about right up to the end was Lee. Jamie brought the tea tray into the lounge and flopped down on the sofa, Sara moved over to sit next to him.

"So what do you fancy doing this afternoon?" Jamie asked.

"I suppose I better start taking some of my stuff back to my flat," Sara replied.

"Oh, yeah, I guess so." Jamie's voice was no longer happy or cheerful, his eyes looked so sad, Sara suddenly had memories of how he had looked in the bathroom, his beautiful smoky eyes full of longing. She took the tea cup out of his hand and placed it on the table, Jamie looked at her, confused.

"I owe you so much," Sara said softly, and pressed a kiss against his lips, when she pulled back his eyes were still full of sorrow.

"You don't have to thank me like that," he mumbled, not looking at her.

Sara pulled his chin up, forcing him to look into her eyes. "You were right," she began. "That night I did just want comfort, I just wanted to lose myself and you happened to be there, you were absolutely right." She stared longingly into his eyes "...but I don't feel like that now. I see you for the first time through clear eyes."

Jamie sat, unsure as to what to do. "I told you that if you really knew how I felt, you would run a mile. I don't want to be the guy that you use to get over him, get over what he did to you! I want more than that, Sara." His voice was low and painful. "Sara, you need to know what's going on." He pushed her back slightly. "I have been asked to stay with the company longer and sort out all the system errors and such, that big crash we had when none of the computers could be used, that was Nina trying to cover her tracks. They want to make sure that won't happen again, a lot of sales are getting fired over all this, they are hauling through everyone in the whole company."

"Well that's great, isn't it?" She was puzzled as to where he was going with this.

"It is, as a consultant I earn a stack more than regular staff so a long term contract is great news but Sara, you processed the orders, you saw everything. Mr Brook, you met him earlier, confided in me that he wants you to look through all the other companies' orders, you know what to look for now and could identify fraud for them, show people exactly what to look out for, it would be a huge honour for you, a big promotion." Sara was stunned, it was true she did know what to look for now but was she ready for a big promotion?

"Oh look, we don't need to talk about this now, if he offers it to me then that's great, if not never mind, but that has nothing to do with us here right now!" She tried to lean in for another kiss but Jamie wouldn't allow it.

"The head office is in New York, sweetheart, this, you and me, it wouldn't be for long, just a quick fling before you left."

"Maybe I won't go," Sara protested.

"Oh no, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, Sara, you were a little admin clerk and now they want you to work with all the top people. You're going to get noticed in a way that you could not have even thought of, this is way beyond promotion. Right now you and I are about the only two people in the whole company that Mr Brook actually trusts, no way in hell are you using me as an excuse to stay and miss out on this," he roared, storming off into the kitchen. Sara watched him throw the still full tea cups into the sink, leaning against it, sighing.

"You're right." Sara spoke softly as she moved into the kitchen, "You are absolutely right...your apartment is definitely better than mine for storming about in."

Jaime couldn't help but laugh, turning to face her "What am I going to do with you?" he chuckled, brushing her fringe out of her face.

"Oh I can think of a few things," she said naughtily, suddenly feeling very brave.

"Sara," Jamie began to protest again but Sara was ready for him, she pressed her body against his, pushing him against the sink unit, kissing him with a passion that she had not known before. She was not gentle or delicate but crushed herself against him like her life depended on it. She had planned it, that was for sure, but what she hadn't planned on was the rush of emotions that she suddenly felt; the desire had crept up on her and now burst out like an explosion. He resisted just a second before surrendering to her, grabbing her hips, forcing her further onto him, slowly his hands slid up her ribs, grazing her chest before ending up entangled in her hair. A loud moan left her lips as she felt his growing excitement pushing against her thigh. Jamie reached down and lifted her up, placing her on a work top behind her; she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to where she needed him to be. Jamie began to lose all his willpower, he wanted her so much it physically hurt to be around her, his heart had been consumed and he could feel it bursting. He had shown restraint, controlled his emotions for so long every time he was around her but now, now she wasn't asking him, she was demanding that he take her. If he did this it would change everything, his world would never be the same and then he would lose her because she didn't love him, she would leave and he would be left a shell of a man. But all his thoughts were melting as she swirled her tongue around his, his excitement trying to control his mind, taking over.

"Fuck, Sara, wait," Jamie gasped. "I..."

"Look, I want you, not just anyone, you, and not because I want to use you to get over Tom. You were right, he shit on me but I let it happen, I threw myself at him and I am not making the same mistake again with you, but I am also not going to let time slip through my hands anymore. I want you and just you, Jamie McKay, this is not a revenge thing, this is a new start thing, my life can start again and I want to start with you." She began to kiss him again as if she couldn't bear for her lips to be away from his for even a second. His tongue brushed against hers and she felt shivers all over her body. It was true, at the start she had just wanted to feel loved, to just have one night where she forgot about everything but as soon as she kissed him, as soon as his hands had grabbed her and hoisted her up, everything had changed, she did want him. It hadn't been words that she said just to convince him to take her to bed, she had actually meant them! Wanted him not just to feel the excitement she actually wanted him, Jesus, was she actually falling for Jamie McKay?

"Sara, about that," he murmured against her, gaining some of his lost confidence.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Jamie, enough, enough with the confessions, please for Pete's sake just take me to bed!" Sara hollered, desperation taking over. Jamie smiled and bit his bottom lip seductively, looking at Sara sprawled on the counter, her legs still wrapped tightly around his waist refusing to release him, could he do this? Could he give into her and still come out the other side unscathed, he loved her with every inch of his body but if he took her now would she ever come back to him? But there she was looking at him with eyes full of fire with those beautiful smooth thighs encasing him, begging him. With one swift movement he swept her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

"Yes, ma'am," he grinned.

#  Chapter 20

Sara lay in Jamie's bed, a disgustingly satisfied smile on her face; it had never been like that before, ever. Jamie had made love to her, not sex, not fucked, he had made love. It had been slow and loving and beautiful. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, it had been completely overwhelming, completely surprising. When she had regained herself he had taken her hand and led her to the shower where he had lovingly washed all of her body, massaging her, kissing her so gently as his hands caressed every part of her. They had talked, laughed, like being naked together was the most normal thing in the world. Sara thought she had died and gone to heaven her body felt so relaxed, she climbed into bed, happy to go to sleep, but Jamie had other ideas. He had returned to bed with a cup of tea.

"What is it with you and hot tea?" Sara had teased.

"Not HOT Tea," he corrected. "Warm tea." Oh boy, who knew the pleasures a cup of tea could bring. He had begun with gentle kisses, his mouth warm from the tea; he nipped the base of her ear making her gasp in delight. Slowly, so slowly he moved down raining kisses over her stomach, the sensation was nothing like Sara had ever experienced before. Her body was already steaming, burning for Jamie and the way he was making her feel, but his mouth was warmer, causing shocks right through her body, making Sara shoot up gasping with anticipation. "Sara, relax, you're getting all tense again and I have just spent half an hour massaging you to get you relaxed enough for me to do this!"

"I was relaxed but you... oh God!" Jamie had just reached her thigh and was sucking on the plump flesh with that oh so warm mouth, "Oh God ...that's...oh...Jamie." Sara panted.

"Did you call me, sweetheart?" Jamie grinned watching Sara writhing about on the bed. He resumed his light licks all the way up her thigh. He paused to take another sip of his tea and Sara almost cried out at the loss of him, he continued torturing her, driving her out of her mind. He let out a smug chuckle as her cries grew louder and louder, sheer pleasure consuming her as his warm mouth moved to exactly where she need him to be, the alien sensation thrilling her, controlling her, making her let Jamie do whatever he wanted to.

"Morning, sweetheart," Jamie purred, watching Sara stretch out in his bed. Sara jumped, disrupted from her thoughts of the night before guiltily covering herself up with the sheet. Jamie really was a sight to see, without the black T-shirt and jeans Jamie's body was amazing, Sara knew he ran, but didn't realise the impact running could have on a man's body. His stomach was tight and his thighs were firm, and strong arms meant that he could lift her effortlessly but what had surprised her was how sexy his back was. Asleep, Jamie was lying on his stomach, his breathing was soft and the sheet was ruffled across his delectable backside. His skin shone in the dim light and Sara couldn't resist but run her hand along the nape of his neck then down his spine, amazed as his muscles flexed every so lightly to her touch. She leaned forward and kissed between his shoulders, he sighed in his sleep and snuggled his head further into the pillow. Who would have thought that a back could be so sexy? Daring to try again, she smoothed her hand down his spine, closing her eyes as she felt his skin underneath, mapping out the whole of his back just by touch. She reached the base of his spine and circled his firm buttock sighing loudly, she opened her eyes, worried she might have woken him but he was sound asleep.

Jamie stared at her, his heart belonged totally to this woman, he was lost. Last night she had been stroking his back, her eyes closed, it was the most wonderful feeling he had ever had, he actually felt at peace. Frightened of disturbing the precious feeling, he had closed his eyes quickly and pretended to go back to sleep. Now here he was again watching her gaze over his body, she was amazing. Jamie had thought that Sara was going to be nervous and cautious in bed, but instead she had been free, allowing him to take whatever lead he wanted, she had completely surrendered to him. Now, after all that, she was looking him over like he was the most desirable man on the planet. Sara realised what she was doing.

"Oh sorry," she said embarrassed. "You bring out the absolute worst in me."

"Don't ever be sorry for that, Sara, last night was just amazing," he growled, stalking her as he climbed up the bed. Sara giggled nervously, shuffling further up the bed.

"I never, I mean no one has ever." Sara couldn't end the sentence, it was too embarrassing and she couldn't understand why she was even saying it.

"I gathered that, sweetheart," Jamie said wiggling his eyebrows. "I think the neighbours also gathered that."

"Oh no, I wasn't that loud, was I?" Sara buried her head in the pillow.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you," Jamie said quoting her own phrase back at her, gently coaxing her out from under the pillows. "Sara, answer me a question, is that because no one has ever offered to do that for you, or because you have never let anyone do that for you?" Was he really asking her that? Sara couldn't have been more embarrassed.

"I suppose if I think about it, I guess I never have let anyone do it, I mean it always felt a bit...yuk." Jamie was staring at her, encouraging her to continue. "I mean that's what I thought but you, it was weird I didn't even think about stopping you and it was, wow, it was ..." Jamie grabbed her face and kissed her, making her mind spiral all over again.

"It's OK, you don't have to continue, I've never been so turned on in my life with the noises you were making and allowing me to do that, make you feel like that...I don't know how to thank you."

Sara giggled again, dying of embarrassment. "Why would you say thank you? You didn't get anything out of it? It was all about me." Jamie threw himself on the bed in hysterics. "I don't see what's so funny," Sara barked, getting annoyed at him. He regained himself and pulled her to him.

"Baby, this is too easy; you really do have no idea, do you? That is so enjoyable for me, I could do it right now all day long, I promise!" he teased.

"Well as we have a few days before we have to go back to work," she said, her heart suddenly racing. "It would be a nice birthday present." She suddenly felt really brave; it was like she could say anything to Jamie and never worry about him laughing or judging her.

"What?" Jamie jumped out of the bed. "Please do not tell me it's your birthday today!"

Sara looked around "OK, I won't tell you, but it is. I turn thirty five, how depressing is that!" she joked.

"No way do you not celebrate your birthday, right, breakfast, let's get ready, go out, go see Jo, then check on Lee, how about we all go to dinner..." Jamie garbled on and on as he ran into the bathroom. Sara smiled to herself, she was so relaxed, why had she not done this before, Jamie was just the most sweet, sexy man she had met and she had nearly let him go. Thoughts of his actions the night before began to drift into her mind once more when he strode into the room again, full of purpose. "I believe I promised you something before we do anything else," he winked and pulled the sheet back, a very naked Sara still underneath it.

Sara just about managed to stay upright as she showered; her legs seemed to have lost all their strength this morning. Dressing in her jeans and one of Jamie's sweatshirts, she headed for the kitchen her stomach growling loudly. Jamie sat on the kitchen side drinking a glass of orange; he wore no shirt and just his jeans, his bare feet swinging beneath him. Sara's stomach flipped at the very sight of him. He was just perfect. They had spent most of the night and a very, very enjoyable morning in bed, but standing looking at him sitting there was stirring her up again, what was wrong with her? She was behaving like an animal. As if sensing her staring, he turned and grinned at her.

"Hey, woman, come fix me breakfast, I'm starving and you've tired me out," he announced, leaning back on his hands. Now that was just an outright invitation! She moved to stand between his legs, a reverse position of the night, before when a thought occurred to her.

"What were you going to tell me last night?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Last night I said I wanted you and you said 'about that' and you were about to tell me something and I stopped you."

"Oh yes, I remember it so well, it was a very effective way of stopping me!" His hands slid up under her jumper. "Shit, Sara, you're not wearing anything under this jumper!" he groaned and his hands began exploring. "Are you trying to drive me crazy?"

"Stop it and be serious, no secrets between us." She giggled, pushing his hands down. Jamie suddenly got all serious and removed his hands, reluctantly changing to just hold her in his arms.

"It's nothing, really."

"Then tell me."

"It's just that my name's not really Jamie."

Sara took three steps back. "Excuse me!"

"No, not like that, everyone calls me Jamie, it's just that's kind of a nickname really." Realising that he was not going to get away with just, that he slipped off the side and lifted Sara up, replacing her in the same spot he had just occupied. "OK, so I lost my parents in an accident and don't look at me like that, I was very young and don't even remember them. Anyway, my foster parents said that I didn't talk much to begin with until my foster mother bought me this DVD, it was a boy called Jamie who would write these stories in a special notebook. The stories would then become real and he'd go on all these different adventures." He ran his hand through his hair. "So my foster mum set this torch up to shine on my desk and left out a notebook before I went to bed. In the morning she would ask me if I had been on an adventure that night. She would then go on the computer and write down a story with all the adventures I told her I had been on and stuff. Do you know she bound them all up and gave them to me in a book for my eighteenth, she was a lovely woman, still is, I'd really like you to meet her sometime." Sara swallowed hard, trying to take all the information in. "Anyway, I would mess about on the computer fiddling, so she got me my own and then from there I really got into them. Whenever she would introduce me to people she would always call me, 'Her own little Jamie' to remind me where the passion for computers came from, so now everyone calls me Jamie, only a handful of people know that's just a nickname." He smiled at Sara and ran a finger gently down her cheek.

"So what is your name?" Sara asked.

"Oh right, yeah sorry, my birth name is Christopher, well Chris, but no one ever calls me that, so don't worry about it." He turned and started to make breakfast. Sara sat dumfounded.

"I've just slept with, and done things I have never done before with a man when I didn't even know his name!" She was mortified but Jamie just let out a snort.

"Well I think that would definitely class as an adventure, don't you? A wild one at that! Well you are getting on a bit now, it's about time!"

Sara smacked him hard on his arse. "Sod off, boy, and step aside, you have no idea how to do omelette properly."

#  Chapter 21

It had been a week since Jamie and Sara had spent their first incredible night together and things had only got better, it felt like they had been together for years. They had such a connection that Sara felt so relaxed with him straight away; of course Jo and Lee had been delighted at first until she had told them about her promotion.

"Are you kidding? You just find the perfect man and you're leaving him already!" Lee had been outraged, Sara had tried to explain to him but in her heart she wasn't sure herself. Since day one Jamie had told her that he was not going to let her stay, that she needed to do things for herself, build her own life before anything else. She had agreed at first but as they had become closer it had got harder to not want to be with him all the time. The day before she had to leave she asked Jamie to go to the graveyard with her, she wanted to see Grace's grave before she left, she had made a promise to Mary and she intended to keep it.

"Excuse me," Sara asked as they entered the churchyard, "Could you tell me where this grave is." The groundsman had looked at the piece of paper and pointed them in the direction, they had walked slowly along the small path leading them deeper into the graveyard. As they walked their hands were entwined, Jamie held onto her so tightly he knew their time together was coming to an end and he wasn't sure he would have the strength to let her go when the time came. He always knew he would fall in love with her but when they had made love, the world had changed. His world had changed, he felt like there was a hole in his chest that he had never noticed before, but it had suddenly been filled and he could breathe deeply and there was no pain anymore. She was so beautiful, and every day seemed stronger and more determined, he knew that she would soon leave him, his little life and measly love would not be enough for her any more.

"Wait a minute; I think he's got this wrong?" Sara said, suddenly realising they were heading towards Mary's grave, Jamie took the piece of paper that Mary had given her and tried to figure out where they needed to be.

"Look, there's someone over there we could ask him," Jamie suggested. "Hey, excuse me we're trying to find a grave, Grace Taylor."

"You've found it, Jamie," the voice replied.

"Lee?"

Lee turned to face them both, he had been crying. "Just came to talk to Mary, how the hell do you know about Grace?" His voice was angry but Sara did not think it was directed at them, the man was grieving. Sara stepped forward.

"She asked me to come, Lee, Mary told me all about her, she asked me to come and look after her grave, she said that you found it too hard." She gingerly reached out and touched his arm, but instead of snatching it away he pulled her close and embraced her.

"God, Mary, what are you like?" He laughed through his tears. "I come all the time, Sara, Mary used to say that I obsessed over Grace, that I had to let her go but every time she would come with me and listen to me sob." He wiped his face. "I guess she thought with her gone I would need someone else to come with me."

"I don't understand!" Sara began. "She told me, she insisted that I promise to look after the grave!"

"Maybe she realised that you needed a reason to carry on," Jamie said quietly, remembering that frightful scene of Sara laying on the bed a bottle of pills in her hand. He had told Mary about it, told her how scared he had been, thinking that he had lost her, Sara, the one true love of his life. Mary had obviously taken it upon herself to give Sara a reason to live, a purpose that made sure she had to fight. Lee took both their hands in his own and stood before Mary's grave, Sara read:

Mary Taylor, beloved wife, friend and constant companion, you will be missed every day, honoured every minute and loved every second.

Her eyes then scanned across to the tiny stone next to hers:

Grace Taylor our beautiful daughter taken from us too soon but she fought to stay with us as long as she could, every minute was a gift.

"She gave me a family don't you see?" Lee squeezed their hands tighter. "I lost my beautiful daughter and Mary watched me, she saw that I have never come to terms with it, she didn't want me to do the same with her, so she made sure I had a family before she went. She gave me you guys and Jo, she gave me a reason to live, a need, a need to look after all my family. She knew I would come straight here, my spot is right next to hers, you see." Sara and Jamie looked to the empty space next to Mary's. "I guess she made sure that you would be here to remind me so I don't decide to leave as well."

"Lee, we are all here for you," Jamie insisted, suddenly worried about the way Lee was talking.

"Don't worry, I understand now, I'm not saying I didn't think about it, but you being here....I know I have to carry on, I never did see things unless they were right in my face." He chuckled to himself. "She always knew me better."

Jamie and Sara collected up some of the dying flowers and replaced them with the fresh ones they had brought; Lee took some of the daisies and placed them on Grace's grave. He slowly stroked the stone. "Enough is enough now, sweetie, Daddy understands, just on your birthday from now on!" Slowly standing with tears pouring from his eyes; he hugged Sara affectionately then turned to Jamie and did the same thing. It was a strange moment but Jamie and Sara had never felt so loved and cared for in their life, there was such affection in Lee's eyes, it was overwhelming. He smiled a gentle, tired smile and walked away, leaving Jamie to hold Sara whilst all the worries of the last few months poured out of her in one fail swoop. Mary had made sure she fought to stay around; Sara had never felt like she had belonged anywhere so much in her life, with Lee, Jo and Jamie their new family, so why was she leaving them all?

"Baby, please don't cry." Jamie pleaded as Sara clung to his chest at the airport check-in point. "Look, you need to do this, you have to have an adventure or two or you will regret it baby." Sara tried in vain to hold back the tears, she didn't want to go, she had been mad to think that she could do anything like this on her own, she couldn't do it. "That's exactly why you have to do it!" Jamie had told her when she had tried to voice her concerns the night before, "You have to prove to yourself what you're capable of, it's what makes us stronger, sweetheart, how can you possible know what you want out of life until you have explored?"

"Is that what you did? Explored life?" Sara asked sarcastically, now just trying to pick a fight with him.

"I have had enough adventures in my life to make me strong, baby, not all of them good ones! Come here." Jamie pulled her close to him and they had made love all night, both fighting tears as they loved one another.

"Look, I wrote you a letter, don't read it until you get to your hotel please, sweetheart, promise me!" Jamie insisted.

"OK, I promise I won't read it," she mumbled.

"It says what I want to say because I can't say it to your face, I can't say what I need to say, I look at you and end up saying what I want to say, and not what I need to say." He began to get flustered. "Does that make any sense at all?"

"Yes it does," Jo sniffed from behind him.

"Oh don't you start," Lee added. "You will get me going, now come on, enough with the sadness, this is a good move, it's good for Sara and we need to be smiling and wishing her well." He didn't sound very convincing.

"Will you come out to see me?" Sara asked hopefully. Jamie made no reply but Jo and Lee both said they would love to fly out.

"New York at Christmas. Are you kidding me? We are there." Jo had bounced up and down excitedly. Jamie still gave no answer. "Well, I guess we will leave you two to say goodbye," Jo suggested, hugging her friend fiercely. Lee kissed her on the cheek and told her to call the minute she landed and then when she got to the hotel, and if there were any times in between she needed to call, to do so. Sara laughed and kissed him back.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear. Lee stood back.

"I'm proud of you, kitten," he answered and loudly cleared his throat, leading Jo back to the car.

"So, Jamie."

"So, Sara."

"Should I call you Chris now, or do you still want me to call you Jamie?" she asked, suddenly desperate for things to say to keep talking to him to avoid the inevitable goodbye.

"My friends call me Jamie, if you decide to come home at some point and if you want to get in touch you can decide what to call me then, if you call me Jamie, then I will know that we are just friends and you need say no more." His eyes looked so sad, his beautiful smoky grey eyes looked cried out and lifeless. She didn't want to go, she wanted to stay but before she could say another word Jamie put her suitcase onto the scales and the woman at the counter started to ask her questions. By the time she had her boarding pass, Jamie had left the terminal without even saying goodbye. Sara did not wait to read Jamie's letter, she got a coffee and sat in the departure lounge.

My darling beautiful Sara,

I know how hard this is for you, you have never done anything like this before and I know it scares the hell out of you but if you think I am pushing you away I am, for your own good. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, the minute you came to me for help I knew. I watched you with all those other office girls, watched them bully you around like you were nothing and you let them, Sara. You had no confidence in yourself but the reason for this is that you have never done anything adventurous that could make you confident.

It would be so easy for me to ask you to stay, to hold you in my arms and keep you in my bed forever and I know that we would have a good life together, I would care and love you every day. That would be the easy thing but, Sara, you would still be that timid girl with little confidence and you deserve so much better, you are capable of so much more and I don't want to stop you achieving that. I can see the woman you could become, see that spark in your eye and baby, it's a really amazing sight. I wish you could love me as much as I love you but that is not the case at the moment, I know you are fond of me but you still have doubts, still hurt from what has happened.

You need a clean start which is why I have made myself a promise. I am not going to contact you for few months because I think that it will take time for you to adjust, at first it will be scary, then fun, then you will get really homesick and I am not going to be the anchor that gives you an excuse to quit. In a few months you will have settled into a flat, into your job and will be able to make a clear decision as to what you want in your life. On the 24th December it will be my thirtieth birthday, if you would like to contact me again then do so on that date and not before then. I will make no attempt to keep in touch with you until then. I believe we could make a long distance relationship work, Sara, I love you and I can work anywhere but only if you want to and only if you decide you love me. If you have made a new life then just email me to wish me happy birthday and I will wish you well.

Good luck, Sara, I will miss you so much more than I will ever be able to say, but I cannot start a life with you until you know what you truly want, and right now you don't know what you want or need at the moment. I think that I know you better than you know yourself and right now this is what you need to do, if this does turn out to be a final goodbye then I thank you for letting me love you for the brief time I did.

I love you, sweetheart, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Jamie, your friend.

Chris, your lover.

#  Chapter 22

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 5th October

Subject: Don't Delete this yet!

OK so I know I'm not supposed to contact you but I don't know who else to talk to, I just landed in NY. It was amazing, we flew in over the bridge, I didn't have a clue where to go or anything, some random airport guy took pity on me and showed me where to get my bags, it was quite pathetic really, but I did it. The hotel is really nice, I'm guessing I will only be here for a bit 'cause it looks really expensive, I feel completely out of place! I will confess that I read your letter in the airport, I cried so hard the coffee lady came and sat with me to make sure I was OK. I understand what you are saying and I understand why you are doing this, but I won't say it is easy, I miss you already and I've only just got here, but I respect your reasons and won't contact you again. I just wanted to let you know I am OK. I know you would have just worried about me otherwise, see, I know you too! Thank you for not saying goodbye I don't think I would have been able to leave you if you had. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 11th October

Subject: WOW squeaky clean tech office!

OK, I know I'm at it again but I just have to tell you that the NY office is unbelievable, it is so high tech and everyone is so nice you would love it. They have a huge canteen, well staff restaurant they call it, but it serves everything you could ever want, I had donuts and a coffee for breakfast, how American is that! Anyway I just wanted to tell someone who would understand. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 18th October

Subject: Feeling crap

I feel awful, I found my first discrepancy today, the order looked innocent enough but there was just something not right about it, I thought about ringing you to check the spec but in the interests of the whole 'standing on my own two feet' thing I took it to the tech guys here. They looked it over and I think someone is going to get fired, I feel really bad, I know it's not my fault but I just cried when I got back to the hotel, everyone is going to hate me now. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 8th November

Subject: Big Boss!

I know, I know no contacting you but I just have to tell you after another week of investigation three more people got fired which, yeah, don't get me wrong I feel bad about, but it's their fault for stealing, right? Anyway, Mr Brook was so pleased he has hired me an assistant, I KNOW! Me with an assistant, can you believe it, and get this IT'S A BLOKE! Tim is ace, he has helped me find an apartment and everything, I'm on a lease. ME on a lease, not only that but I negotiated it MYSELF!!!! Shocker, eh!! Are you proud of me or what! Anyway just wanted to keep you up to date, you'd have only been asking Lee about me anyway, he's already told me you play poker once a week together. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 10th November

Subject: Worried about you

Jo says you are ill, are you OK?

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 10th November

Subject: Feeing lonely

Are you really going to keep up the no speaking thing?

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 13th November

Subject: Big baby!!!!

Jo now says you just have man flu, wish I was there to look after you, I'd make you an omelette again Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 15th November

Subject: Me and an adventure

Lee says you are feeling better, I'm glad, I am going to see a show with the girls from work, really excited, don't know what we seeing but hey, it's an adventure, right. I love it here, it's so busy, I didn't think I would like it at all but I love it. Some creepy guy from work kept asking me to go on a date with him so I told him I was gay, unfortunately that seems to have spurred him on more, I know, useless or what. Anyway, I told Jo and she said when she comes out she going to warn him off so that should be fun. I wish you would consider coming out as well, just as a friend, I really would love to show you around. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 22nd November

Subject: Bit low

Had such a ball with Jo, she loved NY, I'm sure she will be telling you all about it, apartment feels really empty now. I know you said I would feel a bit blue but really hate it with Jo gone. No one here I can talk to like you lot. Miss you all. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 23rd November

Subject: I need you

Just re-read the letter you gave me, you are right, since Jo left it hasn't been the same, I feel really homesick, I miss everyone so much, maybe I should just come home, I am so lonely I need you all, I want to come home, it's too hard here. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 23rd November

Subject: Mr Determined!!!

Wow, you are taking this no talking thing seriously, I thought that last mail would have got you talking to me for sure! I am blue, definitely very, very down but I keep thinking about what you have told me, that I need to stand on my own two feet and stop running away when times get hard, so I am doing just that. Tim has offered to take me out tonight to cheer me up; he has been great, he just understands how I feel. Sara XX

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 1st December

Subject: Christmas plans

The Christmas decorations are all around now, it is so magical, they don't do things by halves over here, it is beautiful, have sent some pics to Lee get him to show them to you, it's amazing. I'm so busy these days, work is mad, Tim is great as always, I really don't know what I would do without him, he's practically living in my apartment at the moment as we have all these orders to go through, it's mad! Sara

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 7th December

Subject: Kick Ass Boss!

Oh my God, you will not believe what has happened to me today, so this guy has been under investigation and I found the final piece today and went in to see Mr Brook. Only the guy was already there and he started screaming at me like how I'm an English bitch and had it in for him blah, blah, blah. Well you know me, normally I would just cry, but you never guess what I did, I stood up to him. I threw all the evidence in his face and told him to get out, he was fired! I don't even have the authority to fire anyone but I completely lost my head, it was brilliant. He just packed his stuff up and left and no one even questioned it! Tim thought it was brilliant and actually cheered! Mr Brook wants me to head up a new department, thinks I have a bright future over here, can you believe it. I am so buzzing, I told Lee, he said he was so proud of me and said I should tell you. Sara

Email received: From Sara Ryan

To: Jamie McKay

Date: 17th December

Subject: Christmas plans

Christmas is nearly here, do you have any plans? I have been asked to attend this big dinner thing here, not many people get invited so it's kind of a big deal. Also did Jo tell you her family are flying out to Florida for Christmas? She's asked Lee but I don't know if he's going to go yet, I might fly down there and see her, I'm not sure yet. I've never been to Florida, I guess I have some deciding to do. Sara

#  Chapter 23

"For hells bells sake Jamie, why don't you just fly out there? I can't cope with seeing you like this." Lee threw his cards down on the table. "I really can't understand you, why don't you just go and surprise her? Sweep her off her feet!"

"I made a promise to myself, Lee, you know as well as I do she needs this. I had just hoped it would be short term and that she would come back but it sounds like she loves it over there." Jamie sighed. He missed her so much, it had torn him in two having to leave her; he had left the airport wondering if he had done the right thing at all, secretly hoping that she hadn't got on the plane. But then she had emailed him and kept emailing him since, it made him think maybe she did have feelings for him, but lately she had been talking about this Tim guy a lot.

"Grow up, Jamie, he is her assistant, and I tell you he seems really nice, Jo was quite taken, did you know they have stayed in touch!" Lee raised his eyebrows but Jamie had the feeling he was just trying to make him feel better. "You're an idiot, let's face facts, you are, you let her go but that doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life kicking yourself in the arse! CALL HER!" He stood up from the table and grabbed his coat. "So we still on for a birthday drink tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Jo coming too, or has she already flown out to Florida?" Jamie asked, distracted.

"When has Jo ever turned down an opportunity to drink? She's not going till the twenty seventh now, she changed her plans. I think it's so I'm not on my own over Christmas, bless her."

"True, true, see you later, mate."

"I mean it, Jamie, call her," Lee told him sternly.

Jamie cleared up the table and packed all the cards away, washing up, he sighed heavily as he remembered kissing Sara as she sat on the side, carrying her up to his bed for the first time. He had never meant to be with her that way, he had hoped that she would fall in love with him first but he wasn't able to control himself, he loved her and had loved her for so long. Sara had wanted him that night, he couldn't say no and it had been fantastic, better than fantastic, he had lost himself in her, given her his heart completely, but in doing so he had become 'that guy'. Sara had been used by Tom and Nina, she was hurting and he, Jamie, had been there for her but she had moved on now, and coming back to him would mean coming back to everything that had happened to her. Sitting in bed, he read all Sara's emails again; he had listened to Jo telling him all about her new life and how wonderful Tim was and how well she was doing.

"It's like she's a totally different person," Jo had gushed when she came back from her visit. She had told him that Sara had asked about him but he was sure she was just being polite. Her emails had delighted him when he first started getting them, he wanted her to be sure it was him she wanted and the fact that she was emailing him filled him with so much hope. But then her emails had started to change, she was becoming so much more confident, so happy and she really did seem to love it over there. He had started to have doubts that he had done the right thing by letting her go. When Sara had mailed that she was homesick, that she needed him and was really lonely he had cried, he couldn't bear the thought of her alone. What if she fell into depression again? What if she tried to hurt herself? It would be all his fault, he was the one that had pushed her away. The second he had received the mail he had booked a flight, the first one available and had thrown his clothes into a bag. On the point of calling for a taxi to get him to the airport she sent another mail, it had been a joke; she was just trying to see if he would talk to her.

Jamie had felt his heart finally break that day, he couldn't cancel his ticket because it was too short notice but he didn't care, he had lost her. He had pushed her into a new life, an exciting life that suited her better than a dead end job with a computer geek. Now he lay in his bed, it was ten minutes to twelve on the twenty third of December, ten minutes until his thirtieth birthday, ten minutes to decide if he should contact Sara or leave her to her new life and save himself the pain of her rejection. His laptop lay open on the bed ready and waiting; he reached over and stroked the sheet as though Sara was still there with him, remembering her lying in his arms, the smell of her body cream.

The morning after they had made love for the first time she had looked at him like she was seeing him for the first time, his ego had taken a huge boost as she stared at his body, his face. He had known then that everything had changed, he loved her with all his heart and he knew if he lost her now it would kill him, he would never want anyone else but her. They had eaten breakfast together, laughing and messing about, she had flicked water at him as they washed up.

"Hey, that's not on!" Jamie had complained.

"Who said I played fair?" Sara had joked, suggestively licking her lips, and just like that he was ready to take her again, his body always needing hers. He pulled her towards him as she laughed and tried to pull away, then realising he wasn't playing anymore, began to kiss him. God, she tasted so good, he grabbed her waist and hoisted her up onto the side, she smiled seeing the passion and hunger in his eyes he wanted her, right there. Sara looked around a little intimidated, frantically looking for windows or any way that someone might see. Jamie steadied her head in his hands, no words were spoken, he just kissed her, slowly and gently, and she dissolved in his arms. A fire began growing within her so powerful she couldn't control the way her body reacted when Jamie touched her, hell, just looking at him turned her on, it scared the living daylights out of her.

He had taken her right there, on the kitchen side, fast and passionately like every second could not be wasted. They had sat on the kitchen floor wrapped around each other, Jamie had told her that even if they had all the time in the world he could never get enough of her, she had winced and moved out of his grip. He remembered the look on her face as she told him she didn't want to leave him, remembered the look on her face as he told her she had to go. He had done this, Jamie McKay had sent away the only woman he had every loved, the woman that held his heart in her hands, only her hands were in New York, probably holding someone else's.

"OK," he said, talking to himself. "There is a time delay so the chances are she hasn't even finished work yet, so if I email her now she will get it straight away. But what if she doesn't reply straight away? Arrgggh." He tugged frustratingly at his hair. As he tormented himself his alarm clock beeped indicating it was midnight. "Bollocks!" He picked up his laptop and began to type:

Email received: From Jamie McKay

To: Sara Ryan

Date: 30th December

Subject: Its time!

Hey, thanks for all your mails, I am glad life is good. I realise it is only 00.01, well here it's only that, but I did say I wouldn't talk to you a minute before this date so... it's a minute after! See, I'm making jokes! Ha ha, keeping this light and easy!

I just wanted to say hey, and wish you a Merry Christmas.

Jamie

(Oh and by the way I am very proud of you too, it sounds like you've become a real kick ass)

Jamie reviewed what he had written, yes, that sounded casual enough now he just had to wait. By one in the morning he was going out of his mind, maybe she was in a meeting. Maybe she was on a day off, maybe she just didn't want to talk to him.

"God, this is insane!" he shouted. He got out of bed and made himself a cup of tea he couldn't return to bed now, sliding onto the sofa he started to watch a crappy sci fi film on TV, making sure that his laptop was next to him. By three o clock, his heart couldn't take anymore.

Email received: From Jamie McKay

To: Sara Ryan

Date: 30th December

Subject: Let's make this easy!

I hope I am not disturbing you, I just wanted to say it's OK, I always knew that it would be hard for us to be more than friends and your life is so big now compared to what it was. I just want to wish you well, but I can't sit here going out of mind waiting for a reply that I don't think you want to write, so I am going to make it easy for you. I love you, Sara, I wish you all the luck in the world and I will now say goodbye, I will never forget you, my beautiful Sara.

Your Jamie

xxx

He blinked at the screen that had now become blurry through his tears, this was it, he had to say goodbye and move on, he was thirty years old not a lovesick teenager, eventually he dropped off into an exhausted sleep.

The sound of Jamie's phone woke him up; he scrambled over to where it was laying on the table, knocking his laptop onto the floor as he did.

"Hello?" he said eagerly, when there was no answer he glanced at the screen to realise it was a text.

Txt:-"Hello Darling, just to wish you a very happy birthday, I know you won't be up yet but your father can't sleep and I am now bored so I am baking your cake. See you this afternoon I love you Mum XX"

Of course, it was his mother, who else would it be? Picking his laptop up he noticed the time "Jesus, Mother, it's five o'clock in the morning, what is wrong with her?" As he continued his complaint, his phone chimed again.

Txt:-"Is that how u really feel? Is that what u want?"

The text was from Sara this time Jamie stared in disbelief before answering

_Txt:-"No."_ he texted back.

Txt:-"But your email..."

Txt:-"I know I just thought u might b waiting for 2day 2 speak 2 me but when u didn't reply!"

Txt:-"I was busy, cud n't get 2 my phone."

Jamie looked at his phone, shaking, she was busy! His heart was breaking and all because she was just a bit busy, he was such an idiot, he took a deep breath before texting her back:-

Txt:-"Lifestyle of a big executive eh!"

Txt:-"Happy Birthday Jamie."

There it was, he had told her if she didn't want to be more than friends that she should just email happy birthday and he would know, and here she was texting him those horrible dreaded words, he managed to text back even though tears were already swelling.

Txt:-"Thanks."

Txt:-"This is weird."

Txt:-"I know, I don't know what 2 say 2 u? Waited 3 mnths 2 speak n now don't know what 2 say?"

Txt:-"U could say u 've missed me."

Was she kidding? Jamie sucked in his breath, was she playing with him now? Why couldn't she just put him out of his misery, he wanted to be sarcastic, he wanted to tell her that he was fine and doing well, but that was nowhere near the truth and he had promised her he would never lie to her.

Txt:-"Missed u more than u will ever know."

Txt:-"Had 2 do some thinking."

_Txt:-"I'm sure u did, I'm glad u contacted me."_ (No matter how painful it is, he added in his head.)

Txt:-"Had some growing up 2 do! I missed u."

Jamie couldn't deal with this anymore, did she want him to tell her it was OK? Did she want him to tell her the right thing to do was to stay in New York? Well shit, he had already pushed her away once, he was not going to do it again, if she wanted him to make it easy on her, it wasn't going to happen.

Txt:-"Please don't play with my heart Sara."

Txt:-"I MISSED YOU! Not playing, I love it in NY I did all new and exciting things but all I wanted 2 do is talk to u about them n share them with u. I realised that I love you."

There was a long paused before she texted him again.

Txt: - "U there Jamie?"

Txt:-"I'm confused, r u saying u want 2 b with me, that u want to try a long distance relationship cause I can jump on a plane now I will follow u anywhere Sara, maybe I can even transfer over there, they have tech guys."

Why were they having this conversation over text? He wanted to call her, to hear her voice, he wanted to hear her say those words to him that he had been dreaming about since the day he met her but before he pressed the call button another text flashed up, causing his stomach to turn over in fear:-

Txt:-"Stop, too much! I don't want a long distance relationship"

Txt:-"What do u want Sara?"

Txt:-"You Chris."

Jamie's fingers stroked over the keypad caressing it as he sent the message, she was strong and she was beautiful and she wanted him and she had called him Chris. He didn't care how he did it or how hard it was going to be, she was going to be his at last.

Txt:-"U will always have me my sweetheart I love u so much my beautiful strong Sara. I want u 2 so much, I want 2 b with u whatever it takes, whatever I have 2 do I will do it 2 b with u!"

Txt:-"Then open the door baby cause it's freezing out here."

#  Epilogue

"And then I opened the door and she was just standing there, her suitcase in her hand!" Jamie smiled, winking at Sara standing in the doorway.

"Wow."

"That's so romantic."

"I know, she had planned to turn up at midnight to surprise me but her plane got delayed and she couldn't use her phone to text."

"So then what happened, Uncle Jamie?" a little girl with big brown eyes asked.

"Girls, you are far too young to hear about what happened next," Jo giggled as she came to join them. "Come on, it's bed time."

"Oh, Mom," the girls complained in unison.

"Don't 'Oh Mom' me, come on, Auntie Sara and I have some catching up to, Uncle Jamie and daddy can put you to bed."

"Oh, Jo," Tim and Jamie both said in unison. Sara and Jo laughed.

"I can't believe how big they are getting!" Sara exclaimed "You and Tim are so lucky."

"I know," Jo agreed. "I owe you a lot, if it wasn't for you coming out here I would never have met Tim!"

"And if it wasn't for you going back I wouldn't have got your job and been able to keep this woman in such a great lifestyle!" Tim grabbed Jo and kissed her. "Love you, honey." Jo gazed at her husband, four years of marriage and they were as happy as the day they met. Sara smiled at her two best friends, wishing Lee had been here to share in their joy. It had been three years since he had passed away; he had suffered a heart attack but had been surrounded by everyone he loved. Sara felt that he had gone in peace, she had made sure he was placed next to his beloved Mary and Grace.

"Oh come on, sweetheart, no sad faces at Christmas!" Jamie came up from behind, tickling her till she squealed. "You thinking of babies again?" he asked sombrely.

"Baby, it was never meant to be, come on we have two great god-daughters, we will share them with Tim and Jo and let's face it we are both getting too long in the tooth to be thinking about babies now." It still broke her heart that they had never been able to conceive a baby, it would have completed her little fantasy but life wasn't like that. They had never married, never felt the need but they were the happiest couple alive. Sara and Jamie owned a house in England, and Jo and Tim had taken over the lease of her apartment in New York.

"I am so proud of you, you know that, don't you," Jamie whispered in Sara's ear as Jo and Tim began serving drinks and concocting cocktails.

"What are you on about?"

"You, you have carved out a career for yourself, a few more years and you will be running that company, you know." Jamie puffed out in pride.

"Shut up, we've both done well!"

"Yep we have, I want to give you an early present." He beamed mischievously.

"Christopher! Jo and Tim are standing right there!" Sara blushed three shades of red.

"Not that, although you know what it does to me when you call me Christopher!" His voice was husky and very sexy, Sara was rapidly changing her decision and about to fake a headache when Jo bounced over.

"Have you given it to her yet?" she asked excitedly.

"It's your birthday, Jamie." Sara cried out. "You should get presents first."

"Quite right!" Tim insisted, Jo and Tim had bought Jamie a selection of wines and the girls had drawn him pictures of him getting drunk at Sara's birthday party.

"You told them about that!" he cried out incredulously, Sara giggled.

"Of course, it was hilarious! OK, your present now." Jamie's face lit up when he opened the package.

"Oh wow, it's got my name on it, I love it." Sara had found a company that blended a special make of tea together and personalised it. He had never changed in his love of tea, it was a cure for all pains and used in any situation at any time of day. As he opened his other present he laughed, it was a tea cup in the shape of a bath. Sara remembered how weird she had thought it when he had first brought her a cup of tea in the bath but now it was a tradition, of course they had had a specially designed bath fitted so the two of them could relax in it together. "OK, my turn!" He turned excitedly to Sara. Sara carefully unwrapped the box, opening it slowly, inside was a leather photograph album. She reached inside and took it out, turning the front page over. Inside were all her favourite photographs, not just of her and Jamie but of Jo and Tim and the girls. Her hand hovered over photographs of Lee.

"How did you even find all of these?" she gasped.

"Well, Jo helped me and I'm sorry but I dug around in your dresser to find some." A tear began to slide down her cheek.

"It's lovely." She slowly turned over each page, recalling the moments surrounding each photograph, Jo's wedding, Lee giving one of his famous speeches, the girls' birthdays, their holidays, there were so many happy memories. She really had had a wonderful life, so many happy memories, so many wonderful friends, it was such a thoughtful gift, she closed the last page and held it to her chest lovingly.

"There's something to go with it," Jamie added. "It's a bit silly." Sara opened the second parcel to find a brightly notebook and a note; the book had 'Jamie' written in bright colours along the cover.

My sweetheart,

I no longer need my childhood toy to take me on adventures; you are taking me on one of the greatest adventures of my life.

Thank you.

Your ever loving man Chris.

Tim held his wife tighter to him as they watched Jamie and Sara embrace, their love so strong and infectious. "I told you she'd love it!" he jested to Jamie.

"I love you." Sara gazed lovingly at her man.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he replied. "More than tea!"

"Really? Wow, more than tea!" She paused before asking, "Jamie, do you want to get married?" Having doubts as to whether her decision to not get married was the right one. Jo and Tim were so happy together she just wasn't so sure anymore. "I know we've never really talked about it since we decided not to, but that was a long time ago, maybe we should talk about it again." Jamie silenced her with a kiss.

"OK, one - You are you, you've made a name for yourself in business so I would never ask you to take my name, honey, I don't think that is what you want and two, – There is nothing that we could do now or in the future that would make me love you more than I love you right now. Marriage, labels are something that neither you nor I want or need. Darling, seriously, if I thought that marriage is something you wanted, believe me I would do it in a heartbeat and I would be proud to call myself your husband but baby, we belong together, we don't need rings on our fingers to prove that." He kissed her slowly, proving his point, Sara smiled against his lips, he always did know her better than she knew herself.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first story. If you enjoyed this, please take the time to read this excerpt from my second book Absolute Resolve.

You can follow me on Twitter @CR_McBride

Or you can visit my website to see details on all the books in The Coffee Cafe Series and sign up for up to date news, previews and cover reveals. www.crmcbride.co.uk

#  Absolute Resolve

Nick shrank under the blankets as Melissa threw the curtains back, allowing the blinding sun to stream into the room. "For fuck's sake, Melissa!"

"Oh well, that's nice talk on a gloriously beautiful summer morning," she sang out. Nick just grunted and tried to disappear further down the bed. "Don't even start with that, Nick," she scolded, ripping the duvet off the bed. "You have interviews all day, get up, get dressed and get out there!" The dirty look that Nick threw her said everything he needed to say, he was NOT a morning person and absolutely hated the way Melissa was all bright eyed and bushy tailed the minute her alarm went off.

"Coffee," he moaned.

"You don't even drink coffee, Nick, now get up!"

"Maybe I need to start drinking it if you are gonna drag my arse out of bed at this time every morning!"

"Stop being a baby."

"Stop treating me like a baby."

"Stop acting like a baby then."

"Stop....stop... oh I can't be arsed."

Melissa shook her head as Nick shuffled off into the bathroom, she loved him so much. Nick had been a timid young man when his mother had introduced them. Through her work in the theatres Nick's mother had a lot of contacts among agents and producers, even many actors but never told Nick that and never used them. Her Nick needed to make it on his own and he would not thank her for trying to help him. When she found out that Melissa had left her old agency firm she had called her and asked if she would be interested in calling round for dinner. Melissa had nothing else planned so had agreed. Nick had been a gangly-looking man back then. He had finished university and had a few jobs but felt like writing was his passion. Up until that point he had only written as a hobby, but as soon as Melissa read his story she knew what his mother had been up to. The way Nick's writing captured her heart was unique, of course he refused to believe that he was anywhere near good enough to be published but Melissa and his mother had persisted. It had taken two months to persuade him to let anyone else read it, then longer to get him to let them try to get it published. Now here they were an instant hit, Melissa had hoped that having just celebrated his twenty sixth birthday, Nick might have grown up more and stood up to the pressure of a public life. That, however, was not proving to be the case and he just shrunk away from cameras and fans. Never mind, he was talented and Melissa was going to make sure that he was protected and she would not allow him to be bullied into doing things he did not want to do, baby steps with Nick.

Nick looked at his reflection as he stepped out of the shower, yes he was tall and had dark hair and true, since he had joined the local gym his body was beginning to take on shape, but really he was no oil painting in his opinion. What did all these girls see in him? They would scream at him, hand him phone numbers and now they were sending him their knickers! It was surreal, beyond weird and quite scary sometimes. He never had women chasing him before he was famous, they would call him 'sweet' or 'such a good friend'. Never had they wanted to date him, so what was so different now? Melissa yelling through the door shook him from his thoughts; he dried himself and went to get dressed.

"Please tell me you are not planning on wearing that thing!" Melissa gasped as Nick joined her for breakfast.

"What's wrong with it?" Nick stood looking down at his favourite jumper; he was doing a radio interview, why did he have to get dressed up?

"You look like you are going fishing, Nick! For goodness sake! Get it off!"

Nick pouted. "I love this jumper."

"OFF!"

"Fine." Nick stripped it off and sat down to breakfast bare-chested, grinning. "Happy now?"

Melissa tried in vain to hide her amusement. "Funny," she said sarcastically, "Drink your tea."

"Yes, agent mummy."

"Carry on and I will call your mother and tell her what a sulky child you are being," she threatened.

"OK, OK." He held his hands up in surrender, "So what's on the menu today?"

Melissa ran through the day's interviews and events with him. "A few magazine interviews, they will be basic girly questions, what's your favourite colour? Favourite film? Etc. etc. Usual stuff, then there's that one." She pointed to a book magazine, "That one wants to talk to you about which books influenced you as a child and what you are reading now!" Reading now! Were they kidding? When did he have time to read?

"What are you reading?" he asked Melissa as he shoved half a slice of buttered toast into his mouth.

"Erotica!" she smirked. "Would you like the title and author?"

"Ha ha, funny! Well, if you're not going to help me?"

"Look, just go online and look to see if there are any books you fancy and I'll have them brought up then you can say you've just started them." She continued down the list, "Last of the day is the radio interview with Dave Glinson." Nick groaned, Dave Glinson was an 'all about the gossip who needed the truth when you could make it up' sort of person.

"Why do I have to do an interview with him? He does movie stars and singers, why would he want to interview a first time author?"

Melissa rolled her eyes, "Do you realise how popular your book is becoming? Everyone is talking about it; authors are rapidly becoming the new rock stars!" She noticed the worry on his face. "Don't worry, I will get a list of questions that he wants to ask beforehand and tell him personal life is a no go area, OK!" She ruffled his hair affectionately. "Come on, sausage, let's get you into something more appropriate that doesn't make you look like you are going tuna fishing!"

"So who is your favourite singer?" The young girl asked, gazing up at him, for four hours he had answered the same questions, tried to be polite, tried to be honest but really none of this was important. Who cared how he kept in shape? Whether he was on a diet, or worst still was, "Do you have a girlfriend at the moment?" He just wanted to talk about his book, what inspired him to write the story, where the ideas came from but no one was interested. Even the interview with the book magazine was dull. He had started to talk about his childhood books but they had deviated, asking him whether he thought sex was appropriate in young adult reads! What sort of discussion was that to have? There was no sex in his book, well a small bit but nothing graphic or explicit, so why were they asking him this? By the time they got around to his actual story they had run out of time, then asked if they could get some pictures and would he mind undoing his shirt – talk about hypocritical.

"Mr Mill-Thorpe?"

"Oh sorry, I don't really get time to listen to music much, I do like a lot of songs but don't really follow anyone in particular." That should please Melissa, a non-committal answer.

"Could you name any songs then?" she continued.

Damn. "Well, I grew up in the theatre, so a lot of the songs I really love are from musicals and plays." The girl looked at him blankly so he just ran off a few pop songs that he had heard in the car on the way over, now was the interview he was dreading the most, the radio interview with the repulsive Dave Glinson.

"You need to eat something, Nick," Melissa all but pleaded with him, "It will be OK, I promise." Nick nodded gloomily; they were in a tiny restaurant that Melissa had found round the back of the radio station. It matched his mood perfectly; the mood lighting left the room dark so no one could see any distance, therefore removing the risk of being spotted. Dark shadows bounced off the walls, making everyone unrecognisable. He picked at the lasagne in front of him, his stomach churning over and over again, he just didn't have the nerve to do this. Melissa kept telling him that things would die down and that it wouldn't be this bad all the time but the opposite was happening, the interest in him was just growing and it was very uncomfortable.

"I need a drink," he announced.

"I don't think that's a good idea, do you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do, I need to take the edge off my nerves." He ordered a beer and drank the whole bottle down in one. This was not good, Melissa watched as he ordered another, maybe she should cancel the interview. No, that would be no good, Dave would just make up a load of rubbish to get back at them, no, she had to sort him out as best she could and get him into that studio.

"Nick. Can I call you Nick?"

"Sure, that is my name after all."

"It's just with a name like Nicholas Mill-Thorpe, I feel like I should call you sir!" A rumble of laughter rippled round the studio.

"Nick is fine."

"So, forgive me if I move further round the table, beer and lasagne for lunch I am guessing, from the smell of garlic! Do you always drink through the day, Nick?" Melissa let out a long exasperated sigh; Nick scrunched his hands into a ball. Calm and polite, that's what Melissa always told him, calm and polite.

"Only when I am celebrating being on a show as huge and popular as yours." Dave smirked at Nick's rebound.

"Greasing all the right poles, eh Nick? OK, we are going to play another song and then get straight back to Nick to ask him about his long term relationship with Tanya and why he broke her heart! Back in two."

Nick looked at Melissa, panic strewn across his face. Melissa was in a furious argument with one of the show's producers. She was frantically waving the list of pre-set questions in his face. "Shit," he cursed into his hand as he ran it across his chin, this was gonna be hell.

"Nick, slow down," Melissa called out as Nick practically ran from the taxi into the hotel lobby. "Nick, listen to me!" She caught the lift doors and slid in next to him.

"What the fuck was that? Who the hell is Tanya?"

Melissa took a breath. "It seems some girl who went to school with you sold her story to the press, told them you dated and that you broke her heart!"

"How?" Nick asked quietly.

"What?"

"How did I supposedly break her heart?"

Melissa paused looking at the seriousness of his face. "Slept with her friend," she muttered.

Nick rubbed his temples with both hands, "Well, that's just fucking great isn't it!"

"It's not that bad, look that's it now for this week, have an early night and..."

"And what, Melissa? Everything will be alright in the morning, bollocks," he shouted, making her retreat to the back of the lift. They rode the rest of the floors in silence; Melissa frantically tried to think of something to say but failed. Nick was a good kid; he prided himself on his manners and reputation. In one fell swoop this vicious girl had taken that away from him. Melissa made a note to herself that she would sue that cow and make her pay for this. "I know it's not you, Melissa," Nick practically whispered as they reached his door, but still he couldn't look at her.

"I will sort it; I promise I will not let anything like this happen again, I will sort everything from now on." She tried to kiss him on his forehead, which was quite a feat for a little woman like her. Nick smiled as she struggled, and taking pity on her, leaned down allowing her to complete the tender, affectionate gesture. His smile broadened a little and he opened his door but very quickly faltered at the sight of a naked girl lying across his bed. He turned to look at Melissa, taking her hand he led her to the edge of the bed. The girl stared at Nick, speechless at finally realising her dream to sleep with Nick Mill-Thorpe.

"You're in luck," he said sarcastically. Then pointed to the girl, his eyes never leaving Melissa's, "Sort that!" Then he turned and slammed the door behind him, leaving Melissa with tears pouring down her cheeks and a very confused naked girl who was about to feel Melissa's wrath.
Distinct Desire is the third in the series and due to be released December 2013. You can receive up to date information on new releases, cover reveals and sneak previews on my website www.crmcbride.co.uk

Thank you so much for sharing my story. If you would like to know more about me you can read my About Me page on my website, where my thirteen year old son interviews me. Not the best idea I have ever had 
