Over the past few months,
we've covered multiple stories
involving North Korea.
And what's weird is that,
at one point,
the story switched
from "we're all gonna die!"
to "we're all gonna live
peacefully together!"
And this weekend,
North and South Korea
took another big step
in that direction.
REPORTER: The leaders
 of North and South Korea
 stunned the world
 with their agreement
 to seek peace
 on the Korean Peninsula
 after more than six decades
 of hostilities.
REPORTER 2:
 Kim Jong-un has informed
 the South Korean president
 that he is prepared
 to abandon his nuclear weapons
 if the United States agrees
 to formally end the Korean War
 and promise
 not to invade his country.
That's right. It turns out
all Kim Jong-un wants
in exchange for getting rid
of his nuclear weapons
is a promise
from Donald Trump...
which is risky.
No. I mean, a promise
from Donald Trump
is one of the most worthless
things you could ask for.
You might as well ask
for tickets
to one
of Bill Cosby's upcoming shows.
(laughter and groaning)
And now, and now, although...
although this was a summit
about Kim Jong-un giving up
some of his power,
there were moments that reminded
us that, even without nukes,
he still has plenty
of dictator swag to spare.
MAN:
 As the day rolled on,
 more extraordinary images
 have continued.
 Kim's limousine
 scooting back and forth
 across the dividing line,
 his personal bodyguards
 running alongside.
(laughter)
(laughing)
Oh, man!
I'm sorry, man.
You know you have too much power
when your car has
its own entourage.
Come on. That's...
Like, how are you gonna make
your bodyguards
do synchronized jogging
alongside your car?
If anything,
it makes you less safe, right?
Because the car can only go
as fast as these guys can run.
Just...
And also, when you get
to where you're going,
now you've just got
a team of bodyguards
that are too tired
to save your life.
He's like, "Ah, look, uh...
he's got a gun.
Ju... You jump behind me.
You jump behind me. I'm tired."
Like, I... Like,
when I saw this, I was like,
"Do they... do they have
to do this all the time?"
Like in the drive-through
at Del Taco,
they're still there
with the guy?
I just like picturing these guys
when Kim is trying
to parallel park.
He's just got nine guys
with the car, just like,
"You're good. You're good.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
"Whoa. You're good.
You're good.
Oh, oh. Oh, you hit Jerry!
You hit Jerry!"
(laughter)
But once the Limo 500 was over,
it was time for Kim Jong-un
to get some exercise of his own.
MAN: The the two leaders seemed
 to have an instant rapport
 the minute
 Kim Jong-un made history
 by becoming the first
 North Korean leader
 to step foot in the south.
 In a brief diplomatic dance,
 he invited President Moon
 to cross
 the military demarcation line
 back into the north.
Now, it may look funny,
but we just witnessed
a giant moment in history.
That's the first time
those leaders have stepped foot
in the other one's country.
Like, you know there was a part
of Kim Jong-un, as well,
that just wanted to be like,
"Now please,
step into my country.
Got him! I got him!"
(laughter)
In fact, the summit put Kim
in such a good mood
that he made a huge change
on the spot.
Now North Korea is also
changing its time zone
to match South Korea's.
Back in 2015, North Korea set
its clocks back a half hour,
and that became known
as "Pyongyang Time."
WOMAN: The move was made
 at the proposal of Kim Jong-un
 who found it painful
 to see two clocks
 indicating different times
 on the wall
 of the summit venue.
Yeah, that's right.
Kim Jong-un moved
his entire country's time
forward half an hour.
Clearly, somebody's watched
 Infinity War.
Uh, it's also a dick move
for anyone who had
an appointment in North Korea.
Like, you didn't...
you didn't plan it?
You just announced it
out of nowhere?
It's just like, "Hey, I'm here
for the job interview."
"Sorry, sir.
3:00 didn't happen today."
(laughter)
And-and you know what
I realized this weekend, right?
We see Kim all the time, but
we almost never hear him speak.
(Kim Jong-un speaking Korean
in deep voice)
Okay. I don't care
what anyone says.
That's not his real voice.
Yeah, that is not how he speaks.
Dude is totally pulling
a Batman right now.
He knows everyone is watching,
and he's like,
(in deep voice): "We have got
to have peace in Gotham.
"I mean North Korea.
Alfred, I need the Batmobile and
the 12 guys running next to it."
(laughter)
Now look, whatever
the reason was, it was nice
to see Kim Jong-un getting along
with someone for a change.
In fact, Kim and President Moon
got along so well,
it gave us an idea
for a new dating site.
(gentle piano music plays)
MAN:
 Being a dictator can be lonely.
 Nobody understands you.
 You work long hours,
 and you've had
 all your relatives killed.
 You may wonder
 if there's anyone for you.
 Well, wonder no more.
 At Okcommander.com,
 we'll set you up
 with world leaders
 of all types.
(upbeat music playing)
 Leaders you can meet with,
 plant trees,
 take long walks on bridges
 and hold hands
 for a very, very long time.
 So log on
 to Okcommander.com.
 You've got nothing to lose
 but your nukes.
(cheers and applause)
-(applause, cheering)
-That's love, man.
That's love.
Now, if the North Korea talks
end up in Kim
actually giving up his nukes,
this would be one
of the greatest peace deals
we've ever seen brokered.
Which is why, believe it or not,
South Korea's president says
that President Trump deserves
the Nobel Peace Prize.
Because, he says,
this never would have happened
if Trump hadn't played
"bad cop."
You know?
Like, really bad cop.
Like, worst cop ever. Like,
"I'll let you borrow my gun
for five dollars" cop.
And Trump winning
the Nobel Peace Prize,
or any prize, is an idea that
MAGA supporters really love.
I remember, you know,
it was very rough
three, four months ago...
(people chanting "Nobel!")
Oh...
That's very nice.
Nobel.
(laughs)
-(laughter)
-You know, that...
that has to be the world's first
Nobel Peace Prize chant.
Like, that's how rowdy
Trump's crowds are, though.
They'll chant anything.
They'll be at a funeral like,
"Condolences! Condolences!
Condolences!
Always in our hearts!
Always in our hearts!"
And now, look, I understand,
some people argue that Trump
didn't actually do much,
but South Korea's president,
he doesn't care, right?
He's happy to share the glory.
And Trump agrees with him,
except for the "share" part.
I had... one
of the fake news groups
-(crowd booing)
-this morning.
Now, they were saying,
"What do you think, uh...
President Trump
had to do with it?"
I'll tell you what.
Like, how about everything.
(cheering)
Yeah, I, uh, I hope they have
a Nobel Prize for humility, too,
because this guy,
he just killed the game.
