

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

For the Love of the Beef: A Tale of Adventure and General Mayhem

Copyright © 2014 by RKB Legacy, LLC

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author or RKB Legacy, LLC except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2014

RKB Legacy, LLC

10496 Wimbledon Ct

Eden Prairie, MN 55347

www.katiebloomstrom.wix.com/katiebloomstrom

This e-book is dedicated to all those who loyally followed the original Bloomy's Blog. Your support and encouragement gave me confidence as a writer and, for that, I will be eternally grateful.

The Page of Shameless Begging

Although I am not new to writing and now have a bona fide actual writing job with paycheck and everything, this is my very first e-book. I have tried to make it both wildly entertaining and incredibly enlightening, and I thank you in advance for both purchasing and reading it in full.

All I ask from you after you complete your reading is this:

(1) If you like the e-book, please do at least one of the following things:

- Rate it via your favorite star rating mechanism (Amazon.com or similar).

- Send the e-book download link to someone you know. (This will help me build my network of readers while making you feel much better about supporting your community.)

That's it!

Oh, and this:

(2) If you don't like the e-book, please do the following things:

- Don't talk to anyone or share your opinions with anyone.

With loads of thanks and everlasting appreciation.

~ Katie B.

Préface*

_*_ Préface _(n): A fancy French way of saying "Preface."_

The following pages are historically exaggerated fictional proof that the last three years actually happened, and that my now-husband, whom I endearingly refer to as "The Rhino," and I lived through it. Barely.

We started here:

And wound up here:

And everything in between - well, you'll just have to read for yourself.

MAY 23, 2011

The Adventure Begins... Kind Of

It all started a few months ago. November of 2010 to be exact. I know this because the Rhino and I started talking about it over a bottle of wine and, after we drank the entire bottle, I wrote about it on the wine cork and tossed it into our cork jar.

That was the start of Phase One.

Phase One:

Idea: Open a Wally's Roast Beef shop.

Summary: Wally's Roast Beef is a small diner in Bloomington, MN that specializes in (you guessed it) slow cooked roast beef. It's been around forever and is pretty much considered to be both wickedly popular and one of the best roast beef places in the state. I once went there on a random Saturday and there was a line out the door and down the block and everything! Who knew people loved their roast beef so much anyway.

The Rhino had been relying on Wally's for his roast beef needs for mucho years and was starting to think of slow cooked roast beef as a semi-viable entrepreneurial business venture due to all the customers and the long lines and things. Rhino is always thinking about stuff like that so we can retire and he can become a fishing guide. Plus he learned that the owner of Wally's was at least mediumly wealthy with a lake home and everything, and we got very jealous.

One day, the Rhino reached out to the owner to discuss the possibility of franchising a Wally's shop of our own, but we quickly learned that franchising wasn't an option because the guy said no. We figured he was probably too busy with his lake home and counting all his money and things, so we left him alone after that. And that was the end of Phase One.

We left Phase One with a lingering question: What should we do since we can't open a Wally's shop?

The question went unanswered for four months. Then, in March of this year, Phase Two began.

Phase Two

Idea: I want to make a million dollars.

Summary: I was home alone one day contemplating philosophical things like the meaning of life and whether I could somehow set my cubicle and all my work files on fire without getting caught when I decided that what I really wanted to do with my life was to figure out how to make a million dollars.

So I did what every twenty-something does when s/he needs to figure out how to do something completely life-changing and important: I Googled it.

And here is what I learned.

Ways to Make a Million Dollars:

(1) Marry someone who has a million dollars.

(2) Inherit a million dollars from a rich person.

(3) Get deathly injured and sue someone for a million dollars (preferably someone who has more than a million dollars).

(4) Win a million dollars via the lottery.

(5) Start a business.

Right. So...lots of viable options, then. Not. Especially since I (1) have no millionaire relatives, (2) don't buy lottery tickets unless I find a dollar on the ground at the gas station or bus stop, (3) try to avoid life threatening injuries when possible, and (4) am really only interested in marrying the Rhino since we already know each other (and who, at present, does not have a million dollars).

That left me with just one million dollar option: start a business.

Since the Rhino and I had already thought about the roast beef shop, it seemed only natural to revisit the idea. And we did. (Mainly because our other ideas consisted of inventing a new type of crappy cooler, creating a crappy Android app, or developing and starring in our own crappy reality television show.)

Anyway, here it is.

THE MASTER PLAN: Open Bloomy's Roast Beef. A totally awesome diner with wicked good roast beef!

Opening date: March(ish), 2012

THE TEAM:

Rhino a.k.a. "Bloomy" – age 34. Computer salesman. Related experience: cooking for his girlfriend Katie J; former Domino's pizza delivery man.

Katie J – age 28. Recruiter. Related experience: Subway sandwich artist for one day 14 years ago; former cashier at Davanni's Pizza and Hot Hoagies.

Taste Testers – Rhino's coworkers, better known as the roast beef connoisseurs.

So the Rhino and I went full steam ahead and started the Bloomy's Roast Beef Business Plan. Now, two months later, we're still working on the damn business plan. But we're almost finished and, thanks to the Rhino's mastery of accounting and my ability to format Word documents, it looks like we actually know what we're doing! Sort of.

This brings us to where our story officially begins. Follow the Rhino and me as we make our way from schemes and dreams to the grand opening of Bloomy's Roast Beef. We'll see you there!

~ Katie J

MAY 25, 2011

Testing, Testing...

In true Bloomy's style, the Rhino and I decided this past weekend to start testing out some recipes. It's important to note that we don't even know at this point if we can scrape together enough money to actually start Bloomy's, but we were hungry and it seemed like a fun idea.

Below is the account of our recipe testing weekend. Based on a true story.

Recipe Testing Weekend, Take One:

Round One

Recipe Test Description: Macaroni & Cheese

Location: Bloomy's test kitchen (basically this is just fancy for "our kitchen at home")

Summary: The Rhino first spent some time Googling macaroni & cheese recipes. He has a knack for taking a recipe, pulling out the bad stuff, ignoring the dumb stuff, putting in some good stuff, and making it taste incredible. So that's what he was doing with the Google.

Side note: Good thing Rhino is the brains behind this operation because, if it were just me, Bloomy's would be a really cool looking diner with awesome music that offered one or more of the following: cheese and crackers, cereal, quesadillas. Unfortunately, that's pretty much the extent of what I'm able to whip up in the kitchen. I'm so glad the Rhino doesn't require a lady who can cook for him because he would surely be eating a lot of quesadillas. I mean cereal.

Anyway, back to the story.

The Rhino found a few promising recipes on the Google, and we decided to make two batches of what we hoped would end up being the Bloomy's macaroni & cheese.

Mac Attack Attempt #1

Star ingredients: extra sharp cheddar and gruyere cheese.

Mac Attack Attempt #2

Star ingredients: extra sharp cheddar, asiago, and provolone cheese.

Both recipes also used swirly noodles, bread crumbs, and a secret spice I'm not allowed to reveal.

(PS – I will take real pictures from now on so you guys can see what this deliciousness actually looks like.)

Result: Both recipes turned out goodish, but the gruyere (grew-yare) was so super rich I could only eat like six bites before I felt large cheese bricks growing in my belly. The second recipe was much better and also didn't make large cheese bricks grow in my belly.

The Rhino and I decided that our future Bloomy's customers probably won't enjoy bricks of cheese growing in their bellies so figured that only attempt #2 warranted a pass to the next round of taste testing.

Recipe Test Description: Roast Beef

Summary: Yesss, our first attempt at Bloomy's roast beef! I mean the Rhino's first attempt. I just watched and posted illegal pictures on Facebook that he made me take down.

Side note: We bought a normal roast from the grocery store that cost $18. Then I left it in the car...for awhile. In my defense, the bag was totally camouflaged, and I didn't see it when I was taking out the rest of the groceries. Total fail. After which I spilled melted ice cream everywhere. (Yes, I also forgot the ice cream in the car.)

In any case, the Rhino used his super secret spidey spice sense to determine which spices to use on the roast and then did some smelling and more adding of spices. He threw the $18 seasoned slab of meat onto the roasting pan and into the oven it went. Several hours and a graduation party later, we were finally able to eat it!

Result: Complete mouth melt down. The beef was so good and flavorful I actually took it off the bun and ate it with my fingers! Hats off to the Rhino for home running it on attempt #1! We both agreed the roast beef was slamazing (slammin' + amazing = slamazing) and passed it on to the next round.

Round Two

Now that we had the macaroni and roast beef recipes pass our finger-licking test, we moved them to the official Taste Tester Team, also known as the Rhino's work peeps. This team is made up of hungry young men who share a deep and abiding love for food. They also are semi-regulars at Wally's, so we needed to win them over.

Taste Tester Feedback: Macaroni & Cheese

Result: Epic Fail

Feedback: Not creamy enough, soggy breadcrumbs, wrong kind of cheese and noodles, too white. (Racists.)

Happy face or sad face: SAD FACE

So, I guess it's back to the drawing board on that one. Don't worry though! I am fully confident that our* next attempt will result in kid friendly, creamy, cheesy, elbow noodle goodness!

*I will have nothing to do with this. Except eating all of it.

Taste Tester Feedback: Roast Beef

Result: 1.5 thumbs up!

Feedback: Seasoned to perfection, nice meaty flavor, but needs to be sliced thinner. (Thanks to anonymous coworker for providing a real live meat slicer for future attempts!)

Happy face or sad face: HAPPY FACE!!

So, after Take One, the Rhino and I are left with near-perfect roast beef (yesssss!) and macaroni that just didn't cut it (nooooooo!). Hey, one of two ain't bad. Especially for a couple of kids who are just starting to learn the restaurant ropes.

Until next time.....

Peace, Love, & Roast Beef

~ Katie J

PS – I had included a photo of the Rhino and his first attempt at the roast beef and spices, but then he informed me that the photo I selected was actually a picture of him with some ribs. So I had to take it out. I guess I can't tell a beef roast and ribs apart yet, although I am opening a restaurant. This is gonna be great! I'm learning so much already!

JUNE 2, 2011

I Dream of Beef

I have some bad news. The Rhino and I spent zero time in the Bloomy's test kitchen this week and spent all of our time doing lame yard work and getting the Rhino somewhat ready for his upcoming Canadian fishing adventure (which did include the creation of some slamazing chili complete with the secret ingredient of chocolate! Seriously the best chili ever. It rocked my socks off.).

My lack of spatial relation skills (which I refer to as "spatial" while doing robot arms) resulted in the accidental death of a portion of our lawn because I inadvertently sprayed it with weed killer. And if anyone knows how to severely damage thousands of baby maple trees, I would really like to hear about that.

In any case, the lack of Bloomy's cooking going on made me experience Bloomy beef withdrawals to such an extent that I just had to eat a burger the size of my head. And fries. The resulting food monster in my belly was completely uncomfortable but totally worth it! Thank you Wildfire Restaurant for providing me with an awesome dining experience. I hope one day to do the same for you.

Anyway, since my job with Bloomy's is to be the Project Champion (read: Nag), I gently yet persuasively reminded the Rhino that we really needed to get some work done on our business plan over the weekend. So I started researching equipment and other miscellaneous things I found on the Internet while the Rhino worked some magic using Excel and math. We didn't get very far, partly due to our collective attention-disorder/spring-fever and partly because I failed my job as Project Champion (Nag).

However, I did come to the awful realization that the Minnesota Food Code is 161 full-sized pages long!! No joke! This realization resulted in the following reaction.

**Reaction:**

(1) "What the...?!"

(2) Slam fist on table

(3) "MOTHER Fũ¢KËŔ!!"

(4) Place head in hands

(5) "For realz?!?"

(6) Heavy Sigh

I did start reading one of the sections before dying of boredom, and I will summarize it for you here: "This one thing must comply with these seven chapters and these 11 statutes and these 17 federal regulations, blah blah et cetera." (For a non-summarized version, you can go to  Exciting Reading Material Found Here.)

Um... what? Weren't we talking about the proper use of wiping cloths? Because I could say that in exactly one sentence: How about you don't use a dirty wiping cloth to wipe up stuff that is supposed to be clean. DONE! (Another heavy sigh.) I knew that the Paralegal degree I got in 2008 and never used would eventually come back to haunt me.

The Rhino and I also had our first Very Important Milestone yesterday, which consisted of a mediumly productive conference call with a banker about a bank loan. As this was our first call with a bank about getting a loan, I became quite nervous and experienced a mini whack attack* complete with palpitating heart and sweats (not meat sweats – this was before I ate the jumbo burger). I learned during this bank call that my experience as a Subway sandwich artist for one day 14 years ago is kind of embarrassing and not something I really want to talk about with a banker.

_*Whack attack (n): A nervous episode. Usually includes a loud outburst and/or panicky eyes._

However, due to the Rhino's very eloquent wordsmithing, we were able to circumnavigate that issue and gain some very valuable business information to boot. In addition, I discovered via running my credit report that I have many credit cards I never knew I had (I heart free money!) and that I lost points for not having any collateral of any kind. Doesn't dating someone who has collateral count for something? Apparently not. Plus I guess I've had about ten different addresses in the last seven years. Oops!

In short, we got almost nothing done except learn about all the work we have left to do. So I'm off to have another whack attack and dream about the next time I can sink my teeth into some yummy Bloomy's roast beef.

See you on the other side.

~ Katie J

JUNE 15, 2011

Stakeout Situation

Some of you may be wondering why there was no update last week on our progress with Bloomy's, and I have a really easy and disappointing response for you: Because we didn't do a damn thing. Sorry. (Not really.)

The reason behind not doing anything was twofold. (1) The Rhino was on his slamazing non-Canadian Canadian fishing adventure, and (2) I was busy keeping the house from falling apart, working on my sunburn, and fulfilling random demands as required by my day job. I did learn something very important and life changing while the Rhino was away though, and that is this: Mowing the lawn totally bites! Oh God, it sucks so bad. Worst experience of my entire life.

Moving on.

This past weekend, I decided to launch a covert op that enabled me to put on my Nancy Drew sunglasses and become a top secret sleuth between the hours of 11:00am and 1:30pm. I unfortunately can't reveal much about the covert op (hence the "covert" part) or what I was sleuthing, but it did involve the following things: a dark vehicle, a clipboard, a semi-abandoned parking lot, and a pair of shifty eyes. (I may or may not have practiced my shifty eyes in the mirror beforehand. Practice makes perfect, and all that.)

I quickly learned that stakeout situations are not nearly as fun as they look in movies, especially seeing as I was flying solo and didn't have my partner in crime to stake out with me. But, alas, I did obtain valuable information that I immediately dispatched to the Rhino and will totally utilize for the Bloomy's business plan. And I felt super cool to boot. Pretty much like a combination of Veronica Mars and ... that really old lady from Murder She Wrote.

In other news, we're official! Bloomy's, I mean, not the Rhino and me. (Psych!) The Secretary of State for the great state of Minnesota has personally reserved Bloomy's Roast Beef for us and no one else can take it! Ta daaa!

Photo Op: Documented proof of awesome business name reservation. Step one: complete.

Now that we are official (well, at least semi-official) and incredibly important, I have been working on my professional presentation via wearing faux pearl earrings from Target and saying such things as "What a unique perspective on the emerging business market in Turkey."

Speaking of turkey, the Rhino and I need to get our butts back in the Bloomy's test kitchen and actually do some work this week. We did decide to expand our sweet menu options by adding classic diner-esque side items such as tots, but our solid work efforts were halted by a severe disagreement over the potential juicy goodness of sandwiches topped with coleslaw. (Any insight into this matter would be appreciated.) After we moved past the disagreement part of the conversation, the Rhino was struck by a wicked "Why did we not think of this before?!" idea to add a Bloomy's twist on a Midwestern favorite that readers just might have to eat to believe.

Stay tuned for the future adventures of two crazy cats who are just starting to figure things out in the delicious world of roast beef.

Until next time!

~ Katie J

JUNE 29, 2011

Bloomy's Goes Hollywood

I've received exactly three (3) inquiries as to when the next Bloomy's blog is coming out, and I'm here to say BOOM BABY! The Rhino and I are back and ready to rock!!

After my first (only) covert op/sleuthing experience, I spent some time bragging to the Rhino and showing him my awesome shifty eye capability/invisibility skills (if I smoosh myself close enough to this wall right here, I really don't think anyone can see me!). Then he decided to show me up by doing a covert op of his own. Better sunglasses and everything! Boooo.

Our (technically my) super sweet anonymous friend is currently wrapping up the sleuthing portion of the Bloomy's get-off-the-ground plan, and I must say we make a pretty awesome top secret family.

PS – I'm so excited to share our New and Improved Bloomy's business plan of action but the Rhino won't let me yet. So I have to cap my enthusiasm and make you guys wait until I get the official thumbs up. To pique your interest in the meantime, I will give you a clue: We've split the Bloomy's plan in half! In half!

I know what you're thinking – "What?!" – but it's true! The single-phase plan is now a dual-phase plan, and I'm so excited about it that my heart rate hasn't dropped under 100 bpm since the Rhino brought it to my attention last week (while we were fishing, after which he dropped a boat on my good hand. But that's a story for another time). Thank you to the collective creative genius team (a.k.a. Rhino and his boss) for coming up with this slamazing idea!

Now I spend most of my days frantically attempting to gather Business Plan Part One, Phase One data before the state government shuts down. If only someone would return my numerous phone calls and/or repeated voice mail messages... (Sigh.) Come on government workers!! It's not shut-down time yet!

In any case, the Rhino and I decided to take the next step in our relationship and do something we've never ever done before... ROAD TRIP!! To a city called Princeton, which is like 35 minutes from where we live. This epical road trip took us to a place that we like to call A to Z Restaurant Equipment (because that is what it's called). This place is basically a big indoor/outdoor warehouse comprised of rows and rows and lanes and miles of restaurant equipment as far as the eye can see. See pic below for documented proof of the Rhino showcasing his clipboard-holding and note-taking skills.

Photo Op: Real Rhino looks important with clipboard.

The Rhino made a new BFF (sorry Ron) called Clark Kent* who downloaded (uploaded? I'm not good at computers...) a bunch of info into the Rhino's brain and made us a custom designed list of everything we need to start our awesome Bloomy's diner. We left with an invoice worth $46K and a new appreciation for restaurant owners everywhere. Thanks Clark Kent for your three hours of super assistance! (PS – If anyone ever needs hundreds of plastic multi-colored serving trays, a shopping cart, or a 70 pound industrial strength potato masher, Clark Kent's your guy.)

*Name has probably been changed to protect against identify theft and lawsuits. Please don't sue me.

I am super psyched to say that, after a week of diligent workings and wading through thousands of piles of restaurant equipment, our business plan is just about complete! And if that's not enough, I got my first official piece of junk mail addressed to Bloomy's Roast Beef. Yesss! Even the mailman knows about Bloomy's now!

Next steps? Dust off the calculator, check under all of our seat cushions for random change, and figure out just how we're going to pull together enough dollars to get Business Plan Part One, Phase One off the ground. Or should I say _on_ the ground. Another clue!

Stay tuned for next time when – let's be real – I'll probably spill the Phase One beans regardless of whether or not it's appropriate, and the Rhino and I just might be well on our way to Hollywood to purchase an integral piece of the new and improved Bloomy's Roast Beef!

Hang loose,

~ Katie J

JULY 10, 2011

Bloomy's Gets Bossy

Ok friends. Where do I start? My head is spinning with such ferocity, I must look like that weird stress vomiting chick from The Exorcist and/or Scary Movie 2!! There's only one thing to be done when my head feels like this... non-bulleted list!

**Non-bulleted list of things we have done this week, complete with awesomeness rating:**

(1) Bloomy's is in business baby! I am proud to announce the birth of our first brain child, _Bloomy's Roast Beef, LLC!_ As in actual company! What now, son?! The Rhino, being his typical chivalrous self, allowed yours truly to be the majority owner of this LLC. Oh snap! Now that I'm his boss, I can say things like "Get me a Mountain Dew!" And he does!

**Awesomeness rating: 1,000!**

**(2)** I'm totally going to spill the beans about Business Plan Part One, Phase One right now! For those of you not yet informed and/or unable to guess from my awesome clues last time, here it is.......... (drum roll in my head)..................

Introducing, the BLOOMY'S FOOD TRUCK! Taaa daaa!

_(The above picture is in no way shape or form representative of the actual Bloomy's food truck._ _We* created it with the help of Google Images and Rhino's Paint Shop Pro skills.)_

_*I had nothing to do with this._

**Awesomeness rating: infinity!!**

(3) Feeling light headed after a major vent session re: general life happenings, the Rhino and I decided that the Bloomy's food truck will be refusing service to the following individuals (Warning: this part might be offensive... to people on the list):

\- D-bag bouncer from the Triple Rock Social Club. Go tackle someone else from behind! This lane is closed, you stupid jerko!

\- George Lopez. Your accent sounds highly exaggerated and your show is not funny at all. Go to the back of the line! Permanently! (I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a very nice person with a real accent and everything. Still though...)

\- Anyone who looks and/or sounds like a woman version of William Shatner. (You know who you are.)

\- Girl from the bar like ten years ago who told me I had a really big forehead. Watch this forehead as it boots your flat butt out of line! Permanently! (PS – your boyfriend tracked me down on Facebook after that night and direct message asked me out. I politely refused because I don't go out with guys who have stupid ass hats as girlfriends. Smell ya later!)

\- Tom W. from Rhino's high school who stole Rhino's football game touchdown away from him from 17 years ago. Damn you touchdown stealer from 17 years ago! (The Rhino and I are both obviously very affected by this, even though I didn't meet the Rhino until two years ago. Whatever.)

\- Ja'ravi from the Bronx who can't speak or spell but apparently thinks www.bloomys.com is worth ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Eat my shorts Ja'ravi!

A **wesomeness rating: 11 (unless you're on the list)**

(4) The Rhino and my combined math skills enabled us to determine that, in order for Phase One to become remotely financially stable, we need to achieve a whopping .03 percent market penetration rate. (Does anyone else giggle like a 12-year-old boy every single time they hear or see or think of the word penetration? Just me? Okay... soooo ...embarrassing.)

**Awesomeness rating: 217!**

**(End non-bulleted list.)**

Anyway, we've put a massive 30 hours of work into Bloomy's this weekend - the Rhino via depreciation formulas, prime costs, controllable profit, net income before tax, and the ever popular cash flow before tax (not to mention five year operating projections), and me via Twitter (@BloomysRB represent!) and writing this here blog - so we're off to go die on the couch and watch _Star Wars: The Clone Wars_. Yesss!

Also, after an epical fail trying to find enough change in our couch cushions to buy the food truck, we've decided to go plead our case to the bank. Cross your fingers for us and maybe we'll give you some free roast beef...

If all fails, we may have to start begging for dollars after all. Boo.

Catch ya'll next time!

~ Katie J

JULY 24, 2011

Bloomy's Goes to the Bank

Story Part One: The Big Bank Meeting

Last week, the Rhino and I literally spent every second of our free time finishing the Bloomy's business plan for our Big Bank Meeting, as apparently Bloomy's has already become another full-time job. So now we have three full-time jobs between the two of us. Lame! Don't ever try this because it pretty much sucks. All the time.

Anyway, after about 100 hours of staring at computer screens and spreadsheets, we were ready to do one of the following things:

(1) Die

(2) Drink heavily

(3) Have simultaneous whack attacks

(4) Blow a gasket

(5) Spit in each other's faces

(6) All of the above

But we put our personal feelings aside and got all the workings done with our souls and livers intact like the grown professionals we are. Then we printed off some official copies of the business plan so we would look fully ready and super proficient for our Big Bank Meeting. Everything was going incredibly great until the Rhino's green folder got rained on and bled green dye all over his pants a few minutes before the meeting started! Nooo! I immediately thought this was a sign of things to come and began stress sweating profusely.

The stress sweating went on for the entire meeting as I watched Mrs. Bank Lady type furiously into her calculator and fire questions at us like nobody's business. However, between the Rhino's eloquent and charming dialogue and my ability to randomly shout out trivia facts, we were able to successfully navigate the meeting and walked out with our heads held mediumly high. Rock on!

Insert -- After passing this over to the Rhino for proofing, he kindly asked me to include the following:

The Rhino: "Aren't you going to tell them about what the bank lady said?"

Me: "What?"

The Rhino: "What the bank lady said?"

Me: "What?"

The Rhino: "Remember when she said 'this is a great business concept' at the end?"

Me (long pause): "Oh yeah..."

Done! Ok, where were we?

After the bank meeting, we were both so super stressed from the two straight months of non-stop third job work that we thought it would be a fantastic idea to race home, pack furiously, and drive three hours to Cross Lake for a camping excursion. Which was not relaxing. At all. (I am pretty sure I hate camping.)

By the end of the weekend, we had done each of the following things at least once:

(1) Shared a twin sized air mattress in 90 degree heat.

(2) Slept on the ground (the Rhino).

(3) Rolled off the twin size air mattress and into a sweaty tent puddle. (Me. Three times.)

(4) Got 1,000+ mosquito bites.

(5) Stuffed hot dogs, chicken, and corn into our faces as furiously as possible.

(6) Sat in the Rhino's steamy Jeep while our campsite was being attacked by armies of bugs (during which the Rhino executed a Titanic-style window steam hand slap, and it was everything I thought it would be).

(7) Drank our combined body weight in beer.

Needless to say, by the end of the week and weekend, we were both ready to give up and crawl into a cave. When we got home, I said exactly three things to the Rhino before shutting off my brain.

(1) Business plans BLOW!

(2) Everything else BLOWS!

(3) (At this point, I stuck my tongue out at him like a five-year-old, crinkled my face, and promptly passed out on the couch).

The Rhino responded by immediately taking my boss power away from me so now he is the boss again and I can't tell him to do things like get me a Mountain Dew. Now he tells me to do things like mow the lawn and I frown and say in a sad voice, "Yes sir."

However, now that we have both calmed down a little bit (me via yelling and making smart comments and the Rhino via playing Call of Duty), we are back to our normal sane selves and super excited about the next step in the Bloomy's roast beef adventure... buying the food truck! But that, my friends, is a story for another time.

Story Part Two – The Dessert Poll

Thank you to those (12) of you who submitted your votes for the dessert you most want to see on our menu. I am excited to tell you that the #1 dessert selection was ice cream sandwich! However, after careful analysis, I do assume most of you chose which dessert you would want right now (during the sweltering heat wave) and not which dessert you would want any time (e.g. in the negative degree winter).

So we are still contemplating the desserts and actually just had a fab suggestion from one of our readers: rice krispy bars complete with chocolate drizzle dizzle! I replied, "Tell me friend, how much would you pay for this fictional rice krispy bar with chocolate drizzle dizzle?" And she said three dollars! Who know those things were worth so much anyway?

In conclusion, we are still accepting ideas from those of you who chose not to participate in the dessert poll. Thanks for not participating even though you actively participate in reading the blog. We love you anyway. Hugs all around!

In conclusion (again), even though the Rhino and I have only been an official company for like three days, the company rumor mill is already in full swing. In fact, rumor has it that the Bloomy's blog might be busy this week getting ready for a special guest.

Until then...

~ Katie J

AUGUST 2, 2011

The Rhino's Two Cents

Well hello there Bloomy's Blog followers (official and closet alike)!

I am the Rhino and, although Katie does a fantastic and hilarious job detailing our adventures, it is time for me to voice my two cents.

Those of you who know me have an intimate understanding of my tendency to voice what can be a strong opinion at times. It is my hope that those of you who do not yet know me can learn to love and appreciate this filterless take of my surroundings.

Rhino's Take on Banks and the Bank's Initial Feedback for the Bloomy's Loan

I would like to preface this section by saying that our contact at the bank is a very nice and helpful woman. Any and all ranting, venting, bitching, or other critical verbiage is not aimed at her but, rather, the banking system overall.

In all fairness, I am already bitter against the past banking practices that propelled us into this awful recession. I mean, seriously. I know someone who got a mortgage for a house before the crash with a utility bill that he doctored to have his name on it. He had a little insider help at a bank, but that is just plain ridiculous.

What really burns me is Mortgage insurance. This insurance does no good for the homeowner but was supposed to be a fail-safe to protect the bank's investment. What the hell happened to all that money? I mean, this kind of money is supposed to be locked away in some nominal interest bearing savings account, right? Hell no! Put that sh*t in the market and gamble with it, son! Oops, now we need it for the actual purpose the money was collected for, but we lost it all. Oh well, have the government bail out the banks and then have the banks race to pay the money back to the government because they can't take advantage of anyone with those pesky government clauses on the borrowed money. I almost forgot that the last part involves giving the bank execs bonuses for their great work. Jerks...

Anyway, like I was saying, Katie and I went into the bank with a wonderful appreciation for banks and their lending practices. We poured our blood, sweat, and tears into our 65 page business plan and were firmly convinced it was probably one of the best ever made.

As we expected, it took the bank a little over a week to provide some initial feedback. This was actually some very necessary down time for Katie and me. I am a laid back guy for the most part and am a very proficient sleeper so, when my left pectoral muscle began twitching and I had several nights when I could not sleep, I took it as a pretty good sign that I was stressed to the max. This week was great and, via some yoga, gardening, walks, talks, killing fools on COD, and several bottles of wine, the Bloomy's management team is tick, twitch, and sleepless night free (with the exception of a small incident which I describe below.)

Katie and the Cricket Frog

Katie and I encourage each other to maintain healthy relationships with our friends, whether it is a guys' poker night or her ladies' monthly book club night. Either way, we end up with a few nights on the calendar each month that are designated for this purpose. We both have our unique activities that we like to enjoy absent our partner: I tend to get some items crossed of my self-made "honey do" list, attend happy hour, watch non-Katie friendly movies, or my favorite activity - which currently is playing Call of Duty (COD). I'm not totally sure what Katie does when I'm gone, but I enjoy visions of her vacuuming in the nude, reading her favorite book in a tub full of bubbles, or simply making lists of things that she can do to please me.

We had one of these alone nights this week. After un-boxing our new dehumidifier and connecting the direct drain hose, I retired to the couch to kill some fools on COD. Katie got home while I was still playing and was tired, so she decided to head to bed. (Please keep in mind that Katie is a light sleeper and can be kept awake or woken up by nearly anything that makes even the tiniest sound. She also hadn't slept well for like ten days in a row.) After I successfully killed dozens more pre-pubescent boys on COD, I heard footsteps come down the hall and the junk drawer open.

By the time I turned around to look, all I could see was the door to the porch standing open. I heard some noise (which I found out later was Katie attempting to go out the porch door onto the deck with the curtain still down) and the door slide open. I set down the controller and scampered over to investigate. What I saw out the sliding glass door was a barefoot Katie with a flashlight in one hand and the other hand in a fist pounding the ground outside our bedroom window yelling, "Die you freaking idiot!"

I was a little confused to say the least but got her to come inside only to explain to me that, for ten minutes while on the brink of sleep, a (what had to be) large Cricket Frog was croaking outside of her window. Even with her earplugs in she could hear its lonely croaks and it was driving her to madness. It was silenced after her violent attack, so she was convinced that she had either killed or mortally wounded the creature. Just to be sure, like a good man, I took the flashlight from her, gave her a hug, told her to go back to bed, and promised to stand watch for this Godzilla-like monstrosity that was keeping her awake. I spent five minutes standing in the doorway listening and watching for the Cricket Frog but nothing made a sound or stirred in the night.

I went back to bolstering my manly ego by destroying high pitched voice basement-dwelling pre-teens, and Katie went back to bed. Just as she was once again on the brink of sleep, the elusive Cricket Frog croaked again. A frustrated Katie retired to the quieter guest bedroom to get some sleep (which she also utilizes if I snore too loud or toss and turn too much) and I continued to play COD undisturbed. I did not know that Katie gave up the battle and conceited defeat to the Cricket Frog, nor did I hear the ferocious beast when I retired to bed. We have yet to hear this undocumented species since that magical night and pray to the heavens that we never do again.

Anyway, back to the loan feedback....

The type of loan that Katie and I are applying for is called an SBA loan. As a wonderful anecdote, I have included their mission statement for your reading displeasure:

" _The U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) was created in 1953 as an independent agency of the federal government to aid, counsel, assist and protect the interests of small business concerns, to preserve free competitive enterprise and to maintain and strengthen the overall economy of our nation. We recognize that small business is critical to our economic recovery and strength, to building America's future, and to helping the United States compete in today's global marketplace. Although SBA has grown and evolved in the years since it was established in 1953, the bottom line mission remains the same. The SBA helps Americans start, build and grow businesses. Through an extensive network of field offices and partnerships with public and private organizations, SBA delivers its services to people throughout the United States, Puerto Rico, the U. S. Virgin Islands and Guam."_

(Source: <http://www.sba.gov/about-sba/what_we_do/mission>)

I don't know how the Guam division of the SBA program operates, but here is the feedback that we got from the SBA after submitting our business plan:

\- "Initial equity from personal sources would be 30 percent of total loan request. I believe we talked about the potential for a higher equity portion.

\- Requirement for 1:1 collateral coverage either through business assets or personal assets

\- Life insurance to the extent each of you contribute to the business that can be assigned to the bank that covers the loan balance

\- More detailed resume information regarding your food service background and scope. (What did you do, where, when, etc.) SBA is looking for your experience running or managing this type of business or the various aspects of the business – food prep, cook, etc."

30 percent? 30 percent. 30 percent!?!?!?!?!?! Shut the front door! Why in the world, if we have to provide a 1:1 collateral coverage, would we need to contribute 30 percent of the loan funds ourselves? I don't recall eating any lead paint chips as a child, but I must have somehow severely damaged my frontal lobe because this doesn't make any sense to me. Take the liquid assets that help you qualify for the loan and contribute a significant portion of them for the initial investment. That way, if the business isn't successful, you are left with no money to cover the loan payment and you lose your house and/or other assets. Silly Bloomy's! We thought that we could borrow money from the bank and keep our own money to ensure that we could make the payments. Why would we think that? It makes entirely too much sense.

Food service background? If Katie and I both worked at a fast food roast beef place adding water to reconstitute what they refer to as meat, would we have enough coin saved up to qualify for a loan? Does the fact that we have to sign a personal guarantee on the loan with our assets so the bank has zero risk mean that they can ask us for our food prep experience? Are they loaning money or interviewing us for a job, because I thought that the principle philosophy of lending was to secure the loan? Yes? No? Maybe? Would we not have to be clinically insane to sign over our lives to start a business that we were not confident we could run? Could I go on for hours about this? The answer is yes, and you can ask my co-workers because after 5:00pm they hear it all.

Whew! Are you still with me? That rant left me exhausted and frankly very hungry for the heavenly nourishment of a Bloomy's Smokey Beef sandwich.

Katie and I are still in negotiations with the bank and have a conference call tomorrow with a different bank to see what madness that they have to offer, but that is a tale for another time and another blog.

Stay hungry my friends,

The Rhino

A _UGUST 14, 2011_

Mac & Cheese Coma

You're still with us! Excellent. You probably understand now why I refer to that type of episode as a "Rhino Rant." Ranting is one of the Rhino's great talents, along with knowing all the words to every song ever invented and remembering where all the Wendy's are located. He's so great...

Anyway, Bloomy's has been positively moving and grooving this week. So much so that I'm nearly 100 percent certain I've finally burned off the calories I consumed via Bloomy's latest macaroni & cheese taste testing episode. Did I really have to eat the entire creamy delicious bucket? Mmm... probably not. But it certainly was fabulous, and I have the pre-dig in picture to prove it (reference below). Can I just say how grateful I am that stretchy leggings are in style right now? Expandable waistlines and I are super bros during Bloomy's taste testings.

Anyway, I've also showcased some (real) photos of the Rhino and the Bloomy's test kitchen so you can see exactly what the test kitchen looks like (on a good day), and fully understand how it is that I spend approximately 25 percent of my life cleaning this test kitchen and doing more dishes than I thought existed on the face of the planet. Good thing the Rhino lets me eat all the yummy snacks! (If I gain 1,000 pounds this year, I'm blaming it on him. And the cheese.)

Photo Op: The handsome Chef Rhino complete with identifying chef hat and lion t-shirt!

Photo Op: Bloomy's official test kitchen with official chef towels.

Now that we have our mac & cheese recipe primed and perfected, there's only one recipe left to go – coleslaw! Now, I know the Rhino has been putting this one off until dead last because he despises coleslaw, but too bad so sad! We have hungry folks who seriously love their coleslaw (yours truly included), and we're currently on the hunt for the most perfect of perfect base coleslaw recipes. I am also stubbornly determined to try my roast beef sammy topped with a scoop of coleslaw and, if it's halfway dece,* am fully prepared to force it onto the Bloomy's menu even though we're nearly out of space. Anyway, if anyone has a slamazing coleslaw recipe, please send it to me post haste.

_*Dece (adj; rhymes with peace): Verbal abbreviation of 'decent'. Try it right now! It's very incredibly fun to say. "That Transformers movie was pretty dece!"_

Oh wait, did I forget to tell you guys? We have our own e-mail address! Not a fake free Gmail or Hotmail one either! And it looks so nice on our very own website! I've taken to drooling over the Bloomy's website menu every single day when I'm at work and trying to figure out where to go for lunch (out of the three lunch options I have at my disposal in rockin' Chanhassen, MN – Jimmy John's, Subway, or the never-gets-old Company Café where I have already eaten lunch approximately 624 times and, no, I certainly do not count the Taco Depot as a lunch option). In any case, the website took several (many) hours (weeks) of work to put together and included a devastating break-up with one big-name website developer because they pretty much sucked and had weird glitchy tendencies that I couldn't handle. Anyway, I started seeing this new website developer site and it's going well so far (albeit early stages).

We've also made the tough decision to take some time apart from our first bank because they pretty much wanted us to sign away our organs (even the good, necessary ones), all of our hard-earned dough, and our not-even-born-yet children. I said to this bank: "Um.... I don't think so you dumb jerkos!*" and we decided to go on a blind phone date with another bank. Boo.

*I did not say this (out loud).

After a slight miscommunication with our new bank dude, we've gotten our application paperwork settled and ready to submit this coming week. Sheesh. Who knew there'd be so much damn paperwork anyway? I mean, I have a freaking callus on my finger for crying out loud.

In addition to my callus, we have also realized the intense need to come up with about $10K in additional dough in order to make this whole business operation work. After mucho thought and discussions and a kismetical website recommendation from a friend, we've decided to launch an official dollar-begging initiative. We've already gotten approval to formally raise dollars via a funds-raising website called Kickstarter and are getting ready to shoot our first ever short motion picture episode for world premier on the Bloomy's funds-raising website. (This is secretly the pinnacle moment when my life's dream to become the next Steven Spielberg will finally be realized and all of my dreams will come true at last!) In addition, we will most likely start begging for dollars starting in the next week or so. However, I do have to note one caveat: We have really wicked sweet rewards for those who sponsor dollars including mucho free meals and other amazing things! But you will just have to wait and learn more when we officially launch our dollar-begging initiative next week.

Okay... in other news: We interviewed our first potential food truck manager the other night and are soooo excited that he is not only normal but seems very nice as well! Plus, he totally works on a mobile food unit already that sells a weird concoction that totally plays with your emotions in a 'it kinda sounds good at first, but then you imagine taking a bite and then it sounds totally gross' kind of way. But we like him anyway. Hugs!

Alright, the Rhino just called and is a little traumatized from his weekend fishing getaway where he may or may not have committed accidental birdslaughter, so I need to sign off and ready myself to provide some adequate comfort and TLC upon his return. Until next time!!

~ Katie J

(Proof of accidental almost-birdslaughter below.)

AUGUST 22, 2011

Dollar Begging Video, Take One

The Rhino and I had a great plan this week to launch our official dollar begging initiative. I was incredibly excited about this project seeing as it would require the creation of a short motion picture! I have always wanted to indulge my secret fantasy of becoming the next Steven Spielberg by creating a short motion picture, never minding the fact that I have never touched a video camera before in my life nor have I really done anything related to movie making besides working at a movie theater as a popcorn popper. And going to lots of movies, obvi.*

*Obvi (adj): Abbreviation of the word obviously. "I love Bloomy's roast beef sandwiches, obvi."

In any case, I prepared myself by successfully executing each of the following tasks:

Official Pre-Shoot Research To-Do List:

(1) Watch all videos other like-minded food truckers have created to raise money via Kickstarter.com.  
(2) Gather good ideas and use ideas to create successful script outline.

(3) Research fancy script lingo on moving-making websites and E-How.com. For example: "INT. Bloomy's Test Kitchen. Day" (which is script lingo for – "we are taping inside in the Bloomy's test kitchen during the day").

(4) Write script over lunch break at day job.

(5) Spend free time thinking about how sweet and breathtaking the video is going to be.

(6) Get special camcorder from the Rhino's mom.

We completed each and every task on this to-do list and felt very accomplished. Trust me. We were prepared...

Until the actual day of shooting arrived that is.

Saturday – Day of Shooting:

7:45am: My car doctor place calls with an update on my car's sickness. I had dropped off my beloved vehicle ('99 Honda Accord – that I affectionately refer to as "Frederick" – complete with numerous door dings, cruise control that only sometimes works, and an antique, factory-installed, sometimes working radio) the night before for some TLC as it had been acting rather peculiar lately. The guy on the phone tells me two fixer upper things need to be done, to which I replied with something I can't recall seeing as I had just been woken up from a dead sleep.

7:48am: The Rhino asks who it was on the phone. Great. Now we're both awake.

**8:00am** : The Rhino and I can't fall back asleep so decide to get up and start the motion picture. Mind you, this is the earliest we have ever been up on a Saturday except for when we have plans to be somewhere.

**8:15am** : The Rhino begins making breakfast, and I decide to shoot some action shots. I get out the special camcorder and congratulate myself on how naturally movie making will come to me... despite having never laid hands on a camcorder before. I figure out how to turn it on after like five minutes and some assistance from the Rhino. He goes back to making breakfast, and I get up in his business with the camera. Several minutes later, I realize it's not in focus. I figure out where the auto focus is after another five minutes and some additional assistance from the Rhino. Good, great. Ready to go!

**8:30am** : I have taken some fantastic footage and sit down to a hearty breakfast. Afterwards, the Rhino and I attempt to hook the camcorder up to his laptop so we can see my professional, Hollywood level handiwork. We soon see that the laptop isn't noticing the camera and realize we need some sort of disc to install some ridiculous software to get the video to transfer. This disc may or may not be at his mom's house ... an hour away. I yell.

**10:00am** : The Rhino discovers a smart workaround after over 1.5 hours of Internet research.

**10:30am** : Video footage transfers! Yes! Here we go! We watch it together and... well, the Rhino doesn't say anything, bless his heart, but I can tell you that the footage is fairly horrendous. You would think I have no clue how to make a movie at all. We also realize that our craptastic USB cable has resulted in a really shoddy video complete with many line jiggles. It looks awful. I yell.

**12:00pm** : The Rhino and I return home after a longish trip to Microcenter to get a new (better) cable and some Mountain Dew, the grocery (to get a roast beef for the video footage of course), and picking up Frederick from the doctor's office.

**1:00pm** : (Take Two.) The Rhino digs out his professional tripod that he just happens to have lying about in the garage (I wasn't surprised either) and sets it up very Hollywood-style in our kitchen area. (See below picture for proof as well as proof of the Rhino in video-editing mode). He gets to work on the roast beef while I take some (hopefully better) footage of his efforts.

Photo Op: Rhino and his professional Hollywood style tripod.

6:00pm: Five hours of trial and error later, we have approximately ten seconds of video completed. We decide to switch gears and start working on recording our lines and taping ourselves begging for dollars.

11:00pm: I have fallen asleep on the couch until the Rhino yells at me to wake up. We have had approximately 11 fights and three dagger-eye-death-stare-downs in the last five hours. However, the roast beef is done, and the Rhino needs me to take more footage. I press the record button on the camera and refuse to answer any of his questions seeing as I was again woken up out of a dead sleep, haven't eaten since 8:30am, am furious at my lack of movie making skills, and am super furious at the Rhino for telling me that I need to be "more enthusiastic!" on camera. He is in a similar furious state and gives me another dagger-eye-death-stare (bringing the day's total to four). I respond by saying "I NEED MORE ENTHUSIASM!"

12:00am: We eat the juicy delicious roast beef, slamazing mashed potatoes & gravy, and green beans (a.k.a. Bloomy's Platter) but are too tired and mad to even look at each other. Then we promptly pass out on the couch. We have taped exactly 37 minutes of usable footage (1 hr, 37 min of actual footage). Good job, loser squad!

Sunday – Day of Repairing & Licking our Wounds:

9:30am: We wake up and I, for one, am still angry about our super lame Saturday. The Rhino seems to be doing okay, so I remind him about our epical failed efforts and try to get him to be in a bad mood with me. It doesn't work.

11:00am: THANK GOD WE SCHEDULED A MASSAGE FOR TODAY! We head to the massage place to get slamazing massages from our fave massagers – Denise (who I refer to as Debra) and Artem (who I refer to as Anton). An hour later, my bad mood has dissolved along with like 1,000 muscle knots. Rhino and I walk out feeling like new people.

12:00pm: I sit down to begin editing our 37 minutes of usable footage and realize that the quality of the video on my computer looks like crap. I yell. A lot. I may have also yelled "Fũ¢K!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs after pounding the table and stomping into the bedroom, where I promptly burst into tears (a.k.a. yes, I unfortunately had another whack attack). The Rhino, bless his heart (still), follows me in there after prying the door open (I slammed it) and tells me it's time to put the video project aside for the day (I think in his head he meant forever). I respond by slobbering all over him and saying in a muffled slobbery voice: "I'mjustsofrustratedandIcan'tgetanythingtogorightandIdon'twanttogotoworktomorrow. Boooo hoooo!!!!" Then I get mascara on the pillowcase.

4:00pm: After a late lunch of Longhorn sandwiches (a.k.a. roast beef sandwich topped with BBQ sauce. Yummy!) and Bloomy's mac & cheese (we already know how I feel about the mac & cheese) AND relaxing via a 1.5 hour long super-hot bath (me) and playing Call of Duty (the Rhino), we are in love again. Awww...

8:00pm: Spontaneous Harry Potter marathon has officially ended, except after the first movie we realize we only had the one movie, so it wasn't much of a marathon after all. We decide to make a nacho kingdom using the jalapenos from our garden. I volunteer to cut up the jalapenos like a proper sous chef should.

Rhino: "Make sure you don't rub your eyes."

Me: "Like I would ever do that."

9 minutes later

I rub my eyes.

2 seconds later

My eyes start on fire.

Me (running frantically to the bathroom): "CAN YOU GET ME THE EYE DROPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Rhino: "HOLD ON! I'M EDUCATING ON HOW TO GET JALAPENO JUICE OUT OF YOUR EYES!"

Rhino then brings me some milk, which I repeatedly splash onto my actual eyeballs. I don't even care at this point that I am literally dripping with dairy product... or that Rhino has seen me at my official low point. I respond with the following:

Me: "THANKS FOR WARNING ME!"

Rhino: "AGGGH! I DID WARN YOU!"

24 minutes later

We are sitting on the couch, contemplating our failed Harry Potter marathon and my general lack of listening skills.

Me: "Ugh, I still have jalapeno juice all over my hands, can't you smell it?"

Rhino: "Um...all I can smell right now is sour milk."

And this, my friends, concludes our wonderful weekend of movie making. A weekend that has completely crushed my dreams of EVER being like Steven Spielberg. At least we learned some very valuable lessons, such as: (1) always wear gloves whilst chopping jalapenos and (2) I'm so glad I changed my major from Film Studies to Undecided my freshman year of college.

Well, as they say...what doesn't kill you, and all that crap. Stay tuned for more, as next week we will have some non-slamazing footage of our movie making experience. Until then...

Directed by,

Katie J

AUGUST 28, 2011

Bloomy's Bloopers Exposed

This week's blog is short and sweet. No, the Rhino & I do not have the funds-raising video done yet (in our defense – editing takes a _really really infinity_ long time). However, we do have our better and more important Blooper reel ready for your viewing pleasure. Keep in mind that this footage was filmed over a period of 16 hours, although it was edited to a mere two minutes, 33 seconds (this is how much we I blow at movie making). In addition, we can make no guarantees as to the quality of sound or lighting. You will quickly find that we are much better at saying "CUT!" and making odd arm gestures than getting our lines right. I also discovered I edited out most of my lines because I might have accidentally drank a lot of wine that day. A LOT.

Before I send you on your merry way to view our Bloopers reel, I must give a major intense kudos-style shout out to Ms. Jamie D. for her awesomesauce creative expertise and many hours of super assistance. Her work on the Bloomy's Blooper reel resulted in an instant promotion (from "friend of Bloomy's" to "Bloomy's Creative Director"). As we do not have any actual dollars with which to pay Jamie D., she has graciously accepted our offer to compensate her with unlimited mac & cheese for life. What a lady! Thanks to Jamie D., our new Creative Director!

Now, we must get back to working on our actual funds-raising video and dreaming about the day when we can sell our monster size Bloomy's roast beef sandwiches on the wondrous office-building-lined streets of Minnesotaland.

You can access our Blooper reel here: Bloomy's Blooper Reel – You Tube

See you next week!

~ Katie J

PS - Someone recently asked me why I sign off as "Katie J" instead of just Katie. Well, there are a few reasons. Actually, the story starts back when I was five years old and in kindergarten. I won't bore you with all the details but the moral is that, of the 20 or so peeps in my kindergarten class, about 19 of them were named Katie. Shocking, I know. So I became "Katie Anne" for awhile. Flash forward many years to when I landed my current day job and learned that there were six other lasses named Katie in my department. Since "Katie Anne" was no longer an age-appropriate nickname, I quickly became known as "Katie J." Katie J eventually got shortened further to "KJ," but I put the smack down on that because I felt it eliminated both my identity and my gender. So now we're back to Katie J. End story.

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

In Case You Missed It

Here is a photo montage of the Blooper reel. Sorry the quality is so crappy. (I am not that sorry.)

SEPTEMBER 14, 2011

Dollar Begging Initiative, Take Final

Alright people (or, should I say – dearest friends, family, & Bloomy's supporters)...

The time has come for the "official official" launch of the Bloomy's dollar begging/funds-raising initiative! (Rhino: "Let's go to the papers! Wait, are there still papers?") We are very excited to announce that we've heard great news from our bank partner and our business loan is finally in the works. However, as you know from previous rants, we need to come up with 30 percent of the stupid money ourselves. We've been scrimping, saving, coupon clipping, bulk cooking, conserving fuel, couch cushion searching, and otherwise counting our pennies over the past few months and are left with just over $10K to raise to make Bloomy's a go!

This is where y'all come in. The Bloomy's blog has mucho hundreds of readers now, and we need each and every one of you! Back us to the tune of $10 or $100 – whatever your pocketbook allows. For each sponsorship, you will get super sweet rewards including free food, stylish apparel (we promise that the apparel is actually stylish too and wearable outside of the house – pictures coming soon), event catering, and more. Those who sponsor $100 or more will also receive invitations to our invite-only pre-launch tasting event where you can enjoy the full array of our tasty treats and help us perfect our menu before we hit the streets.

We've launched our dollar begging initiative using Kickstarter.com and you can find our page here: CLICK HERE TO SPONSOR NOW!*

*Insert after the fact: Don't click there to sponsor now because the funds-raising ended in late 2011. Thanks for almost clicking though.

In addition to the rewards you'll receive, every time you see the Bloomy's food truck on the street or at an event, you'll get that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart knowing you helped our dream get off the ground. Hugs all around!

See the following smallish picture for proof of our thanks.

 _  
Photo Op: Proof of Thanks_

Stay tuned for more Bloomy's news next week when we temporarily cease our dollar begging and get back to the adventure stories that we've been collecting in our pockets over the past two weeks! (The Rhino just told me to insert a "Muahahahahahahahahaaaa" here but I said NO! GET YOUR OWN BLOG!). Jeez.

Alright, we are off to dinnerland* so we'll catch you next time.

*Dinnerland (as quoted from the Jamie D. dictionary) (n): this isn't an actual place, but a general name for places where one goes to eat dinner.

Go beef!

~ Katie J

SEPTEMBER 18, 2011

Bloomy's First Sponsors and the VBQ (Very Big Question)

Wow. Where do I start? You know that when my mind is whirling and twirling like this, I can only do one thing: non-bulleted list! So here we go.

**Non-bulleted list of things that have happened:**

1. We've gotten first level approval for the Bloomy's Bank Loan!!!! Waaahooo! As you may know, this has been months in the making, and we are so super psyched to say that all systems are a go for the loan. The Rhino and I have spent about 20+ hours this past week gathering documents and data for the dollar loaning process and, although the Rhino's credit score beat mine by a mere five points, we've received two enthusiastic thumbs up from our friends at the bank. Now we just sit back, relax (yeah right), and scramble to come up with the $30K and change that we need to send them in about 60 days (aaaaghhhh!). HOWEVER...

2. Our fundraising efforts have resulted in 12 slamazing sponsors who have collectively helped us raise $1,915 toward the launch of the Bloomy's food truck! This means that we are 19 percent of the way to our goal of $10K with 56 days left to go. For those of you who don't know, the dollar saving efforts between the Rhino & me have left us just over $10K short of our 30 percent bank loan requirement (hence the funds-raising effort to make up the difference). Each person who sponsors our food truck will receive super awesome rewards like free food and invites to our pre-launch tasting party and et cetera.

Okay, on to the rest of the non-bulleted list. Where were we? Oh yes...

3. I've had a whack attack only one time! However (again)...

4. I have cried on between nine and 11 different occasions (two of the occasions were direct results of #2 above as this has been an emotional time, realizing just how supportive our friends & family can be. Awww... we love you guys! Hugs all around!).

5. We've received a submission from a new Bloomy's fan with a yummy sounding coleslaw recipe that I'm just dying to try. Stay tuned next week for the results!

6. I've of course saved the very best for last. The Rhino has asked me to be his real life Mrs. Bloomy and official partner in crime for the rest of our days together!!! Bring it on!!

Before I tell you the story of the Rhino's VBQ (Very Big Question), I have to share a quick picture of the Bloomy's test kitchen halfway through our usual Sunday cookathon. This is when the Rhino cooks in bulk so we can have lunches & dinners for the week and not have to spend our precious Bloomy's dollars on take away. This is also usually the time when he peers into each of the cooking pots and says to the ingredients, "Well, hello in there. Why don't you take some time and get to know each other a little better?" Then I laugh and say to myself, "Awww, he's making friends with the foods again."

Anyway, here is the picture complete with detailed descriptions of our efforts:

You can see from the above picture a section I labeled "Scene of the VBQ," and that is because this is the very spot where the Rhino decided to ask yours truly if I wanted to be his lady forever.

So here it is...

**The Story of the VBQ:**

Several weeks ago, the Rhino informed me that we were going to go on an adventure (scheduled for yesterday). I immediately got super psyched because I LOVE ADVENTURES! So much! I started adventure guessing right away with some really on-point guesses that included everything from a mystery sleuthing-themed dinner to hang gliding. Then the Rhino called me on Friday afternoon and said that we were going to have to reschedule the adventure for the following weekend. I have to admit, I was mucho bummed because I was really psyched up for the super adventure and had been looking forward to it for practically my whole life. However, on the way home, I realized that it was probably a good thing because 1) we severely need to save dollars and 2) well, that was pretty much the only reason.

I shared this realization with the Rhino when I got home and suggested that, instead of rescheduling the adventure for next weekend, we save our adventure dollars and go on the adventure after we financially recoup from sending the bank our $30K. He was obviously very disappointed at this idea and didn't even say much of anything, which is (if you know the Rhino at all) very, very odd behavior indeed.

We ate dinner in near silence (again, very odd behavior because we are usually two blabber mouths rushing to tell each other everything that happened during the course of the day). So I got progressively sadder and sadder and sat at the table with my lower lip quivering (a face which Rhino refers to as my  "llama face") until dinner was over.

Then I collected the dishes to bring them to the sink for a wash, which is very usual behavior seeing as I spend about 25+ percent of my life washing dishes. I heard the Rhino go out to the garage and thought that he was so upset about the adventure rescheduling comment that he was going for a drive. In the middle of washing a spatula, I heard the Rhino come back in and walk into the test kitchen.

Here is the transcript of the ensuing conversation:

Rhino: "Baby?"

Me: "Hmmm?"

Rhino: "Can you turn around for a second?"

Me (turning around and seeing the Rhino on one knee with tears in his eyes): "Oh my GOD!" I say as my hands drip water all over the wood floor and cause later water stains and wood puckerings. I honestly can't remember if I still had the spatula in hand or not, but it is very likely that I did.

Rhino proceeds to tell me that he had scheduled a private hot air balloon ride for us (like in the movie Up, which was the movie that helped us decide to do Bloomy's in the first place - if you haven't seen this movie, I suggest that you watch it immediately but be warned that it plays with your emotions like mad). Anyway, I guess the weather was too windy so Rhino had to cancel the hot air balloon.

Rhino: "... and then I scheduled Sunday as a backup, but it's supposed to thunderstorm. This isn't the way I wanted to do this. I wanted it to be an adventure like in Up because that's what our lives have been together and that's how I want it to be forever and I just can't wait another second to give you this ring."

Me: Crying like crazy all over everything and ruining the wood floor in process.

The Rhino then proceeds to ASK ME TO MARRY HIM!!!

I am slobbering so hard by this point that Rhino actually has to ask me to please answer the question because, in the midst of everything, I realized I hadn't actually said anything at all. So I finally say (blubbering-ly): "YES!!!!!!!" Infinity!

PS – Scratch #4 above and add another cry session, seeing as I couldn't get through the VBQ story without crying AGAIN! It's a wonder I have any liquids left in my eyes at all. Jeez. And PS – I couldn't even wear my contacts today because my eyes hurt so bad from all the crying. Good thing the Rhino already asked me to marry him because I don't look the greatest in glasses. No backsies!

Anyway, then we slobber on each other for a little bit longer, and he proceeds to bestow upon my finger the most beautiful ring I have ever seen that he designed himself, and then I slobber just a little bit more. Then I proceed to cry several more times because not only are we engaged but I totally botched the plan by saying that we needed to be fiscally responsible and postpone the marriage proposal adventure. Then I cry again because I realize that the Rhino asked me to marry him in our very own Bloomy's test kitchen – the very spot where we've spent the majority of our time together making the Bloomy's dream an almost-reality.

Photo Op: Rhino does good at picking out a ring for his unconventional bride-to-be.

Long story short (still kinda long, actually): We are now planning to get hitched!

And before anyone asks:

1. First launch Bloomy's

2. Then get hitched

Now the Rhino goes around and sings songs like "Take away this ball and chain," and I reply that he only proposed because he wants to ensure I'll stick around to wash his underpants and clean up the test kitchen for the rest of time. On the plus side, I have realized that doing the dishes is much more exciting now. Especially the spatulas.

In any case, we spent the rest of the weekend swooning over our newly engaged status and scheming up new fabulous ideas to surprise reward our Bloomy's sponsors.

So, before we say adieu, we're going to remind everyone one more time to please check out our sponsorship page so that you can be a part of the Bloomy's launch too!

Peace, love & roast beef.

~ Katie J (soon to be Katie B! Yayy, that rhymes! This is gonna be great!)

OCTOBER 3, 2011

Post VBQ Scene – Some Stuff Goes Down

After watching the Vikings lose their fourth straight game yesterday, I could hardly muster the proper attitude to sit down and write this week's (er - month's) blog. But, alas, I got over it - as do the rest of us Minnesotans - and inspiration officially struck smack dab in the middle of eating my five dollar footlong from Subway.

In case you haven't seen the commercials, it is "Anytober" at Subway, which means you can get ANY footlong for just five dollars! No, they didn't pay me to say this (although I did have the idea to advertise in the blog in exchange for sponsorship dollars but decided that would be annoying on numerous fronts). I'm just excited to share the cost savings implications. I get excited these days by such things as cost savings and said to the Rhino – "Look, I can get that five dollar footlong and eat half for lunch and half for dinner!" Seeing as we didn't have our Sunday cookathon yesterday due to the fact that I failed on going to the grocery, I needed a cheap Monday lunch and look what happened! A $2.50 solution c/o Subway sandwiches. Thanks everyone!

Another colorful example of our cost-savings capabilities is highlighted by how I came home from the grocery last time with a family size jumbo value package of... wait for it.... wait for it...... wait... for... it..... Chicken Flavored Ramen Noodles. Agh! The shame is so great my cheeks are pink just from writing it. And worse – Rhino ate these very ramen noodles for dinner last night. Aghhhh! We've gone too far!

Anyway. Moving on.

Last week, after the VBQ episode went down and had a couple days to sink in, I woke up on Thursday with a freaking massive head cold. And by freaking massive, I mean extremely incredibly insanely ginormous freaking massive head cold. It was so bad I actually called in sick to work on Thursday AND Friday, which is something that has only happened once before in 29 year Katie J. history. Then I promptly built a little house on the couch – complete with blankets, pillows, large quantities of tissues, remotes, and smart phone (for adding Netflix movies to the instant queue, obvi) as well as a constant flow of hot tea, orange juice, and cold meds. I crawled in, hunkered down, and didn't move out until Sunday night.

I was full-time busy fighting off death, blowing my nose, and making little mewing sounds so everyone in range of the couch knew how awful I felt, and the Rhino was spending his time providing me with warm, yummy cold-curing rations,* battling that evil cabin fever that tends to arise when one goes too many hours without fresh air or natural light, and trying not to barf from my constant nose blowing. PS – this story is also a.k.a. the reason why we didn't make any coleslaw like I promised we would and under-delivered, seeing as we didn't.

*Like his made-from-scratch chicken noodle soup complete with homemade melt-in-your-mouth dumpling style noodles and fresh garden veggies and...mmm hmm...just writing this is making my mouth water like mad and my half-footlong doesn't seem so great now.

On Sunday, I finally felt well enough to remove myself from the couch, venture outside and take a walk from the house to the driveway. Then I got really tired and just sat there gulping in natural light and non-tainted-by-sickness air flow while the sunshine burned my retinas. After that, I was pretty much on the mend.

**The Commencement of the Nasty Terror Dreams**

After I started feeling better, I was looking forward to some nice, non-interrupted-by-sickness sleep. I'm fairly sure that the Rhino was also looking forward to not waking up from getting coughed or nose-dripped on. So we went to bed on Sunday and both the Rhino and I began what ended up being a multi-night marathon of nasty terror dreams.

The Rhino's terror dreams included the following:

Demonic cats, claws (including claws embedded in skin), sharp teeth, fish, hooks, and scary black figure spirits that needed chasing.

My terror dreams included:

Super-cute and fluffy evil birds, claws that sliced my skin apart, razor sharp bird beaks that could only be removed from my body if I yanked the bird off and my flesh in the process, and weird empty houses with scary too-low lighting.

By Thursday, we were both incredibly beat-down and fed up with the plague that had obviously drifted its way into our house and dreams and eventually convened in the Bloomy's test kitchen to decide what to do. After much deliberation and intelligent discussions, we decided the best course of action was to conduct a **very serious** **smudging ceremony**.

**The Bloomy's Household Very Serious Smudging Ceremony**

For those who don't know, smudging ceremonies are used to clear out negative vibes and other weird things like monsters and dream demons that can apparently find their way into people's homes. It appears that we have watched a very scary movie called _Insidious_ and have opened our home to ugly dream spirits as a result. (If you haven't seen this movie, it is by far the scariest movie in the world. The Rhino, who is a bigger-than-normal fan of scary movies, got so scared he had goose bumps. I, who am a not-at-all fan of scary movies, got so scared that I nearly barfed into the Rhino's lap, twice).

In any case, we decided to do a very serious smudging ceremony to clear out the negative vibes from watching _Insidious_ and restore our home to its usual positive self. This ceremony basically included us walking around the house and saying very powerful statements such as: "ONLY GOOD THINGS ARE WELCOME HERE!" and other such things as suggested by the Internet while waving around sticks of burning sage from our backyard sage bush. The weirdest part about the ceremony is that both of us were very serious and didn't laugh or smile one time. Also, placebo effect or no, the Rhino & I have been blissfully terror-dream free since the ceremony took place. I did, however, mistake the downstairs steam machine for an evil spirit figure last night as I was preparing to steam my Monday workday dress. But it ended up just being the steam machine, obvi.

**Bloomy's Regular Update**

Now on to the real purpose for the blog. The Bloomy's update!

Our friends over at the bank are working diligently on putting the final touches on our business loan application, and the Rhino and I are also working diligently on putting every penny into our penny jar so we can fulfill our end of the financial bargaining. We're about T-60 days from getting the loan, after which we will be moments away from purchasing the food truck and starting the really fun process of installing equipment (including the dream machine ultra-dope Bloomy's super slow roasting oven) and getting all of our permits. Yay in advance. Not.

We are also this close to uploading pictures of the stylish apparel that our sponsors will soon be wearing and that we hope will soon be profiled in the 2012 fall fashion lineup and will also appear in Glamour or some such magazine. Yeah!

**Bloomy's Sponsorship Update**

We're excited to share that we've had 14 wonderful backers pledge $2,115 toward the launch! This means we've successfully reached 21 percent of our sponsorship goal and have just $7,885 left to go! However, we have just 41 days left to raise the remaining funds. If we are successful, we're having an exclusive sponsor-only pre-launch tasting event in the spring to celebrate our sponsors and all the support you've provided. If we're not successful, well ... let's not think about that quite yet as it will mean several horrible things including another whack attack from yours truly. For those readers-non-sponsors, we continue to ask for your sponsorship support. We are so close to making Bloomy's a true Twin Cities staple and are excited to build a community of supporters without whom this beefy dream would not be possible.

xo,  
Katie J

PS - to anyone who received an odd scandalous link from my hotmail account, that wasn't me – it was a hacker. Sorry about that. Thankfully no one was in my contact list except everyone I know and all my ex-boyfriends.

OCTOBER 17, 2011

Truckin' Along

**First order of business: The Bloomy's Beef Stew.**

Seeing as this is a foodie blog and sometimes even a business blog,* I figured I would start off by telling you about the Rhino's latest achievement: the creation of the Bloomy's Beef Stew! The Rhino has made lots and lots of stew before in his life, obvi, but he decided he wanted to take it to the next level (which is basically food talk for making it even more awesome). This is also partly why I love the Rhino so much. He can do tough guy things during the day like fix the broken thermostat for the defroster system in the fridge and do super great stuff at night like creating the best tasting beef stew EVER and other creative things with his er- hands.

*But mainly just a random blog.

In any case, let me share with you the story of the **Bloomy's Beef Stew.**

First the Rhino simmered some soup bones for forever (that we got from this cow we bought last year from a farmer friend) along with some spices and bay leaves and such. Then he threw some round steaks (from that cow again) on the grill until they were almost done but let them finish cooking under this tinfoil hut he made. Then he strained the broth into a new pot and then added a bunch of potatoes, carrots, celery, onions, anything else that looked good, more spices, et cetera and simmered for another long time. Then he added the meat and let it go just a little bit longer. Then it was done! I've eaten exactly five bowls in the last seven days. It is _that_ good. Slamazing. His secret ingredient? Lots of Rhino love. Awww.....

So I had this great photo of the Rhino's beef stew that I was going to post but my smart phone is being not-smart, so here you go instead:

**Second order of business: 15 Second Kickstarter Update.**

I know, I know, I know. Give me 15 seconds and then I'll be done. We have exactly 22 incredible sponsors who have backed Bloomy's to the tune of $3,000! I don't want to say _again_ how much this means to us, but you guys are the balls! We are so excited to celebrate with ya'll at the sponsor-only tasting event in the spring. The Rhino and I are also contemplating an annual celebration event just for our sponsors so we can continue to recognize you for your amazing support while also providing an excuse to partaay!!

For those of you readers non-sponsors, our Kickstarter project will close in 26 days so act now or forever hold your peace!

**Third order of business: Bloomy's International.**

We are pleased to announce that our blog readers are popping up all around the world! Check it out yo!

Photo Op: Proof of international blog success.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Holy smokes! Why would someone in Malaysia or the UK want to read about Bloomy's, so far away in chilly MN?" I'll tell you why. Cuz Bloomy's ROCKS THE GLOBE! It's even slightly better than reading Perez Hilton or MSNBC. You don't have to quick click off it if your boss walks by because I don't put up scandalous celeb pics (yet... ), and you also don't leave worrying about such things as recessions, the stock market, or what Justin Bieber is going to do next with his hair. (Will he grow it out again? Will he cut it? We don't know! It's crazy!) In any case, here's a shout out to our international readers. We hope you have delicious roast beef where you live and, if not, what better reason to head to MN and visit Bloomy's?

**Fourth order of business: Bloomy's Update.**

On Thursday, the Rhino and I met with Sysco to discuss a potential partnership. You may know that Sysco has launched a new Sysco Natural brand that offers people like us access to local, natural products – from onions to beef to eco friendly serving dishes. The part I am most excited about though is the trip to the Sysco Test Kitchen! Where people bring out endless plates of food to try so you can sit there and judge everything and not have to do the dishes afterwards! Yayyy! All my dreams are coming true!

The Sysco Test Kitchen is a fantastic little spot where we can test all of Sysco's delicious natural products and finalize which things we want to use and such. Of course, the Rhino and our food truck manager (who is as of yet unidentified but is on my list of infinity million cajillion things to do before spring). So...where was I? Oh yes. The Rhino and our fictional food truck manager will be the culinary experts discussing things like flavor balancing while I stuff my face and contribute with great and helpful insights like "Yummy!"

Also, the Rhino and I are finally on the tail end of the business dollar loaning process with the bank and I can tell you that, if we didn't have each other to vent to, we would have gone whack attack crazy a long time ago. I told the Rhino yesterday that I wouldn't be surprised if our bank dude e-mailed us and said that, in addition to all that he now has on file – which includes everything from every single shred of personal, professional, and financial information we've ever had to an actual blood sample from yours truly (don't ask, I have a bruise) – he now also needs **(DO NOT READ THIS NEXT BIT IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED)** Rhino's left nut **(OK, YOU'RE GOOD)** and he just can't approve the loan without it. Sigh. But hopefully that won't happen and the Rhino can keep his downstairs area intact. Stay tuned.

**Fifth order of business: Bloomy's in the News.**

If you haven't already heard, Bloomy's had its first bit of press the other day! Local celeb BT of the Cities 97 morning show plugged us on his website!!! OMG! OMG!

And, to make matters even better, I received a call on Wednesday from a very slamazing individual who just so happens to be an Emmy award winning local reporter and wants to do a video story on Bloomy's Kickstarter efforts! Eeeks! Eeeks!

Now, it's still in the works so I can't tell you guys any more details because I don't want to jinx it, but keep your fingers crossed and you may see the Rhino & me on actual, non-cable television in just a few short weeks! (Hopefully I can fit into my skinny jeans by then. Aaagh! Being an almost celebrity is so hard sometimes!)

Alright folks. We're off to put the finishing touches on the Bloomy's apparel and start studying for our foodie certifications. (By "our" I mean "the Rhino's," obvi.)

Until next time!

~ Katie J

OCTOBER 31, 2011

Cue the DVR!

**Introduction**  
Rhino and I wanted to shake up the blog this week, so below you will find a new blog format. K means written by Katie, and R means written by Rhino (obvi). Let us know what you think!

**The Purple Cole Slaw**

**K:** A few weeks back, a new Bloomy's friend e-mailed us and shared his prized coleslaw recipe. Now, if you can recall, a few weeks back was also the time during which each of the following things happened:

1. Rhino asked for my hand in marriage

2. I was struck by a massive four-debilitating-day head cold

3. I was promoted at work (I know I don't talk about my day job a lot, or at all, but I was promoted and alas this also caused some delay with the coleslaw).

In any case, these fairly significant life events challenged our ability to test out new recipes in the Bloomy's test kitchen. However, the timing actually turned out to be quite well – timely, and the first official taste tester of this coleslaw just so happened to be an Emmy award winner! (See "Hosting an Emmy Award Winner" section below).

**R:** Now that Katie has given you the entire history of how we came to prepare the coleslaw recipe, I feel that it is due time to get to the point of this topic. The coleslaw recipe was wicked good. However, during the "flair session" that I truly enjoy putting on any recipe, I realized somehow my version turned out purple. Wicked good but very purple. Fortunately, we loved the purple results and neither of us had ever seen purple coleslaw before, so we are keeping it. (Any correlation to the MN Vikings, Purple Pride, The Purple People Eaters, I Bleed Purple, Purple Lovers Anonymous, or Purple Rain is completely unintentional and irrelevant to any content of this blog.)

**Hosting an Emmy Award Winner**

**R:** As a result of Katie's phone conversations with our visiting Emmy Award winner, I was pretty excited to meet him and wasn't so nervous about the whole being interviewed thing. However, the immediate shock of discovering that your house is not only going to be on HD television, but that you also have to prepare sample food for HD television, was slightly more intense (by slightly, I mean immensely). Now, in all fairness, Katie and I knew that we had an entire weekend of cleaning ahead of us as soon as we found out that we were going to be interviewed by Kare11's Emmy Award winning reporter Boyd Huppert on the _Land of 10,000 Stories_ that Monday. Although we should have probably been the ones to bring it up, Boyd asked us if we would have samples available to shoot. The answer to that question was so obvious that we instantly made a list of necessities needed to make an accurately slamazing representation of the Bloomy's Menu and factored cooking schedules into our weekend plans.

**K:** I absolutely do not think the Rhino accurately described how FREAKING INTENSE this whole "have a local celebrity over to your house to eat your food and video tape you for actual TV" process is. In any case, I think that we both held it together pretty well. This is also evidenced by the fact that we didn't fight ONE time and I didn't have even ONE whack attack. (Apparently, we are both adapting pretty well to constant levels of total stress – a.k.a. two full time jobs, each.)

Getting back to the subject. When we found out that Mr. Boyd was going to head over to casa de Bloomy's for the taping, I immediately went downstairs to dig out our industrial strength cleaning product bucket and requisite superpower cleaning gloves. Beginning Friday night and ending Monday pre-11:00am, the Rhino and I cleaned every square inch of Bloomyland. And I mean: Every. Square. Inch. In addition, we found time to do each of the following things:

1. Stop at the grocery. (We actually had to go to two places because the roast beef at the first place wasn't up to Rhino quality and he felt "like there was some sort of trickery involved" with the deli, so we had to drive 25 minutes to find the perfect deli – which we did and it was worth it)

2. Get welcoming budget-friendly flowers (see pic below)

3. Prepare a full menu (this required my "taking one for the team" and getting up at 3:30am to put the roast beef in the oven so it could begin its evolution to pure slow cooked roast beef perfection)

4. Plate said menu, and

5. Host the Kare11 crew, make them laugh at least four times, and feed them a delish Bloomy's lunch

PS – I also forgot that we totally went to a super bonfire during this whole deal too! But the bonfire-hosters are good friends of ours, and we really needed a mental break from Bloomyland madness. We ended up meeting a new cool dude at this bonfire too who is now a future Bloomy's customer. The world is so great and filled with surprises!

Photo Op: Budget-friendly flowers

(The Rhino and I also have to take a serious moment to sincerely thank Boyd & Jonathan for taking the time to come over and learn more about Bloomy's. It was an awesome experience for us, and we'll never forget it.)

For those of you who wish to view our TV debut "live and in action," please tune into Boyd's Land of 10,000 Stories segment this Tuesday (as in tomorrow, November 1) at 10:00pm on Channel 11.

Ok, back to it then!

**Bloomy's Gear**

**K** : The Rhino has been tasked with identifying the perfect Bloomy's gear that will be given to our slamazing 26 (and counting!) Kickstarter backers who have helped raise $3,350 for the Bloomy's launch! Thirteen days to go. Can we do it? Yes we can! I mean eeks! That's not a very long time at all!

As fate would have it, the Rhino used to work with a guy who just so happens to do screen printing as a side business. Aric (I wanted to call him "Mr. Tee" like tee-shirt but Rhino wouldn't let me) graciously mocked up not one, but four Bloomy's logo prototypes to select from. After review and input from our talented Creative Director, Miss Jamie D., we decided to go with a vintage-style color logo for our backers and a classic vintage-style black and white logo for our official sponsors. Dope! I'm currently working with Jamie D. on finalizing our t-shirt and hoodie styles, but I can promise you that they will be out of this world comfy cozy.

**R** : Aric is truly hooking Bloomy's up for our apparel needs, and I would be doing an injustice not to recommend him for custom screen printing and embroidery needs to anyone. You couldn't have wiped the sh*t-eating grin off my face with paint thinner when I saw our logo on those T's. I realize that some business owners put too much stake in their logo and website, but let's face it: This is a part of our dream coming true and epic to Katie and me. I immediately put one of the sample shirts on for the rest of the evening (partially because Katie hadn't seen them and I was ultra-elated for her to see them when she first walked in the door after work) and proceeded to strut my way around the house like a proud father of sorts. A TV interview and our OWN clothing in one week was quenching my thirst for Bloomy's success.

**Buying a Food Truck**

**R:** We get a lot of questions about the Food Truck itself. The good news is that WE have fewer questions about our "soon-to-be food truck." For starters, we know that Bloomy's is raising the bar for food truck requirements. Our desire to have a true Mobile Food Truck does not follow the traditional method of "Food Trucking." A lot of food trucks currently either prepare their wares ahead of time in a brick and mortar kitchen or utilize a more "freezer to customer" approach to cooking. Since Bloomy's makes our food from scratch, we require a unique set of full kitchen equipment on our truck. This ended up being an ultra-awesome project for me that has also been a bittersweet brain teaser. "To be continued," as we have a very good idea of the who's, where's and how's involved in our ongoing custom food truck design, and we are fully expecting to place an order in the first week of December.

**K** : I don't have anything to add to that as the food truck is a vehicle and therefore something I know absolutely nothing about.

So, In conclusion, these have been some serious days filled with serious planning and serious cleaning. But, in spite of it all, we still find time to laugh and love – and isn't that what life is all about anyway?

Remember to tune into Bloomy's tomorrow night at 10:00pm. Kare11 baby!

~ Rhino & Katie

NOVEMBER 13, 2011

Twist & Shout

Survey says that last blog's format was super lamesausage, so you're back to just Katie or just the Rhino. Mainly me (Katie). Too bad, so sad! We tried...

Alright, so we have a lot to talk about!

**(1) Bloomy's Kickstarter Efforts**

Our funds-raising project is officially closed and, after 60 days of promotion and hype and dollar begging, we're very excited to share that, not only did we meet our goal, but we ended up with 56 SLAMAZING backers who supported us to the tune of $10,885!!! What?! What?! Did that just happen? OMG. That just happened. You can only begin to realize how nervous we were about meeting our goal when you remember that we were still $5,635 short just nine days ago. Yikes! But, thanks to our truly wonderful and supportive friends, family, and new Bloomy's fans, we've exceeded our goal and are super incredibly psyched about the next order of business.

**THE PURCHASING OF THE FOOD TRUCK!**

Wait, did you think I was going to say:

**THE PLANNING OF THE SPONSOR PARTY!**

If you did, don't worry. Jamie D. and I are starting the planning as we speak. (I actually have not yet informed Jamie D. that I need her assistance on this project but, seeing as we have been friends longer than we haven't (nearly 15 years to be exact), I can pretty much tell you that she is going to be so excited she will immediately begin developing the most comprehensive event to-do list and may do one or all of the following things: (1) get a notebook/journal specifically for the event and (2) write down things we have already done so that she can cross them off. Adorable.). Another Bloomy's backer and long-time Katie J pal has offered to help as well and, between the three of us, I know we can throw a killer paaartayy!

The Rhino and I also have some super fun sponsor party secrets up our sleeves for our backers and cannot wait to celebrate with those of you who have helped us get this far! Also, we will be sending around a survey this week to our sponsors so we can get you your goodies. Rhino has already started strutting around the house in his Bloomy's tee, and I can't wait to replace my former fave hoodie (circa 2004) with the new and improved Bloomy's hoodie. (For those who don't know me, when I am at home – this is what I wear 80 percent of the time: brown velour pajama pants, a tank top, and a gray hoodie. The other 20 percent of the time, I wear: blue pajama pants, a tank top, and a gray hoodie). I'm sure the Rhino will be excited for my new hoodie upgrade, for sure. Gotta keep things fresh, ya know? (That's a piece of relationship advice for everyone.)

Anyway. I am also really excited about putting together the epical Bloomy's party playlist soundtrack. Now, you know that Bloomy's is a throwback diner food truck situation, so our party music will consist of jamz from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. In order to conduct proper research, I have already started listening to Kool108, the Twin Cities golden oldies radio station, non-stop when I'm driving to and fro and, thanks to my intelligent SoundHound app, already have some fairly awesomesauce jamz on the list. However, the Rhino did have to explain to me once (as I was holding my SoundHound app up to the car radio to identify the song) that "Um, you know that the sound comes out of the speakers and not the actual radio right?" Right! Thankfully one of us is savvy about cars.

For those music junkies who have discovered the slamazingness that is Spotify, I've also started a Spotify "Bloomy's Mix" in case you'd like to subscribe (it's free and great!). Just a fair warning, Bloomy's Mix may or may not cause you to break into the twist, the mashed potato, and/or the hand jive in your cubicle/car/home office.

So that brings us back around to this:

**THE PURCHASING OF THE FOOD TRUCK!**

We've received some great advice from a food trucker friend and have subsequently learned where NOT to go to purchase Bloomy1* and where TO go to store Bloomy1 when it's not rocking out on the road or at events. In any case, the Rhino is spending much of his days researching, sleuthing, scouring, and otherwise narrowing down our pool of food truck potentials. And, I'm no expert in this area or anything, but there seem to be quite a number of odd balls out there selling food trucks. For example, we were this close to partnering with a dude out in New York but were scared off by the fact that he didn't want to take a check and didn't want to provide us with anything that had his name or business name on it. So... we'll take that as a firm tentative yes? Um, no. Moving on.

_*Bloomy1 (noun): The Bloomy's food truck._

If you had worried about where we'd store Bloomy1, we've got it covered! No problemo! Due to zoning and mobile food regulations, we're not able to store Bloomy1 at our place of residence, so we needed to find a storage facility/warehouse that would do the job. Easy, until you throw in the fact that we need major electricity hookups and a fairly ginormous storage spot. The fellow food trucker mentioned above also tipped us off to the food truck friendly **Gopher Towing** , right outside of Dinkytown in Minneapolis. My old college-era stomping grounds! The Rhino has started conversations with our pals over there and everyone collectively decided that Gopher Towing will be Bloomy1's new home! (Not that we had any other option...but let's be excited anyway!)

Side note: I find it very interesting that during the years of 2000 – 2003, I did absolutely everything in my power to avoid having to go to or speak to Gopher Towing in any way, shape, or form. Being a U of M college student meant sometimes having to park your car in places you shouldn't, and a trip to Gopher Towing usually meant having to scrape together lots of dollars I didn't have in order to bail out my trusty rusty maroon 1987 Honda from the GT impound lot. Now, we'll happily and willingly be storing Bloomy1 there. Ahh, how the world turns.

So, in any case. By the end of the year, we will have Bloomy1 in hand and snuggled up in her new storage spot. Then we can begin the install of the super-duper-slamazing-slow-cook-ovens that we'll be using to prepare our tender roast beef. But that's Rhino territory, and I need to stay over here in Katieville where there's event planning, apparel ordering, social networking, and media plugging to be done.

Until next time!

P.S. In case you didn't see our Kare11 national television debut, here are some pictures of all the stuff you missed.

Photo Op: We are walking around the table pointing out stuff. Note the purple coleslaw

(located next to Rhino's downstairs area).

Photo Op: Our Kickstarter dollar begging site.

Photo Op: Us standing in the test kitchen and being nervous. My head looks like a full moon on camera, so I let Rhino do most of the talking.

No worries guys. There will be plenty of time for autographs and things at a later date.

xo,

Katie J

DECEMBER 8, 2011

Verbal Judo & the Rhino Rap

First off, I have to share that I actually wrote this blog like a week and a half ago and then forgot to post it. So... oops. Anyway. Here it is although updated in the form of small rant and a picture at the end. (Cuz I know how much you guys love my artistically sound illustrations. You're welcome!)

**The Blog.**

Ok, I know that this is supposed to be an educational and informative blog, but can I just take a moment to say the following:

HOLY CRAP. THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!

For those of you who have followed the blog since its inception in May, you can understand how completely crazy this whole adventure has been. I mean, think about it. I remember back to that mind blowing almost-summer day when I realized my lifelong dream of making a million dollars (after which I Googled "how to make a million dollars" and explored the extensive and very attainable list of options provided (such as "design and execute a complex con situation during which you get ridiculously injured by a rich person and sue for damages." Riiight. See first blog for other enlightening ideas.)). Now, just a few months later, the Rhino and I have done exactly all of the following things:

1) Brainstormed a wicked business idea.

2) Wrote a 65 page business plan that took approximately over 100 hours.

3) Bought stylish, 007-like dark sunglasses for our sleuthing operation. I lost mine immediately and had to get new ones. Then I lost those too.

4) Got almost-approval for an actual bank loan (which is a nearly impossible process right now given our really strong and confidence-inspiring economy. Thanks guys! Good job!).

5) Made a minor motion picture disaster.

6) Ate approximately 17 pounds of roast beef, each.

7) Got engaged. Ahhh! This was my favorite part, obvi.

8) Met a few new foodie friends.

9) Made our HDTV debut, before which we deep cleaned the house for two days straight.

10) Bid our prized nest egg a very (very, very, very) tearful adieu. I still find myself crying for no reason and figure that I am stuck in the fourth stage of mourning.

11) Perfected our "working relationship" so now we don't want to strangle one another anymore (this only happened occasionally...like every other hour or so). This achievement now requires that we fight like grownups and take turns making healthy expressions of our emotions, which isn't nearly as fun as throwing tantrums and saying things like "You're a stupid dummy head, you... dummy head!"

12) Started planning an event for over 100 people! I have never done this before and am really scared/excited/nervous/anxious/excited. Mostly excited. I mean vomitous.

Wow! Phew! I feel like I blinked 1.5 times and now we're here. This reminds me of a special story my dad used to tell me when I was a kid: "Life just gets faster as you get older, so enjoy it while you can," was the gist of it... Er - writing that story down makes me realize that it is not a story at all and probably one of those things that everyone says (but probably still important to note nonetheless).

In any case, I have a feeling that the next few months will be more exciting, more slamazing, and more life changing than the last. Bring. It. On.

**Bloomy's at the Bank (Again).**

The Rhino and I went back to the bank last week for the "beginning of the end" mega-paperwork signing marathon during which I received another finger callus and a hand cramp (combined), and we both discovered extra closing costs that came to no surprise for anyone in the room except for us. This latter discovery prompted the Rhino to share several personal opinions that succeeded in severely pissing off the head bank lady and resulted in me verbally judoing* the Rhino in the parking lot afterwards. But, we prevailed and, when we left, we thought we were on schedule to close next week. We were wrong.

_*Verbal judo (n): Tactical communications. Involved in these communications are things like (as quoted from the verbal judo Basic Training description): "professional intervention, peace phrases, active listening, and street truths (e.g. two people equals six people)."_ _Er - you lost me at...tactical communications._

Yes, unfortunately we've run into yet another bank obstacle. You'd think that getting a bank loan so you could start a business to provide yummy sandwiches and economic support like jobs and food and good smells would be slightly less difficult than winning the gold medal for the 400 meter hurdle event in the Olympics. But, alas, it is not and the Rhino and I are now navigating more paperwork that the bank says will take (but we hope it won't take) another 60 days to process. You can imagine my demonic reaction to this news (not good), but we're brushing the dust off of our butts once again and trying not to ask them, "Um, why did we not learn about this until the week before we're supposed to close? Could we not have learned about this three months ago when we first started this thing? WHY ARE YOU RUINING OUR LIVES?!?!" Anyway. Heavy sigh. I'm going to go listen to some Boyz II Men and cry a bit. BRB.

**Bloomy's in the News (Again).**

A few Thursdays ago, the Rhino and I met up with a lovely freelance writer who is doing a foodie story with the City Pages, a local magazine/online publication. We rolled out of bed long before the sun came out, bared the chilly 14 degree weather, and headed to a nearby coffee shop to meet with the charming writer named Tricia.

We proceeded to chat Tricia's ears off about Kickstarter, Bloomy's, adventures, life in general, and deer hunting season (during which the Rhino didn't get a deer but after which he saw two trophy bucks taunting him in various ways. I saw the second one and said "Look, there's a moose!") (Insert Rhino eye roll here.)

The story came out yesterday, and is luckily moose-sighting comment free.

Here you go - City Pages Article

Thanks to Tricia for braving Bloomyland! Rhino and I are glad we met you before we learned about our new bank obstacle because we both have fury flying out of our eyeballs right now, and people have started staring at us when we walk down sidewalks.

**Social Media Update**

For those of you who rely on Facebook to get Bloomy's business and blog updates, you will now need to become an official fan of Bloomy's on Facebook as the Rhino and I are reclaiming our personal pages for personal things. So, if you haven't already, "like" Bloomy's on Facebook otherwise you will lose out on all future Bloomy's Facebook updates. And we all know how awful life would become if that happens! I mean, really.

**Backer/Sponsor Reward Update**

We've officially received all responses from our wonderful backers and have the rewards ordered and on their way! You should be receiving them just in time for the wintery holiday coming up. I know everyone will want to wear their comfy Bloomy's apparel around the yuletide log while drinking egg nog and singing carols. I know I do.

**Misc. Updates**

We've been toiling away on our various to-do lists but have also been fortunate enough to take some much needed R&R and spend time with our wonderful families. I also got to see the Rhino in full-on kiddo mode over Thanksgiving. This mode included piggy back rides, a game of Hungry Hippos, and a spontaneous + spectacular performance of the "Holiday Conga Line Featuring Rhino and the Fantastic Five Nieces & Nephews." The Conga Line quickly became a source of endless, low-cost holiday entertainment for everyone involved (and fulfilled my physical exercise quota for the day, even though I only participated by sitting on the couch and clapping my hands. It's the thought that counts, as they say.). In any case, the Rhino and I truly enjoyed our much needed time away from Bloomyland reality but are excited about the...

**Next Order of Business**

THE PURCHASING OF THE FOOD TRUCK!!!!

The Rhino and I MAY have some very exciting news about the food truck. We MAY have found said truck and MAY have decided to purchase it. I MAY have posted a picture below for your viewing pleasure and, if you're wondering what's up with the weird crappy paint job that does absolutely nothing to cover up the Doritos logo, pay no mind. We're on it. I mean the Rhino's on it. (Obvi.)

Photo Op: Food truck shell with crappy house paint painting job

The Rhino was so excited that he immediately broke into song (rap song, that is). It went a little something like this:

**The Rhino Food Truck Rap**

"I hope I don't have to look no more

Cuz I been lookin' at trucks till I hit the floor!"

That's all he has so far. I think it's coming along great though.

Anyway, stay tuned for some exciting news about the where, when, and how behind one of the most important pieces of this roast beef endeavor.

Until next time!

~ Katie J

DECEMBER 27, 2011

Show Me The Cash Money

Our story begins last week Saturday. The Rhino and I had to get up super early so we could formally purchase Bloomy1, our future food truck! Balls! We were so excited about this fact that we went to Rhino's company holiday party the night before, which was being held at Chino Latino in Uptown, and proceeded to have one* cocktail.

_*More than one._

We then meandered over to Williams bar across the street to have more fun. We quickly learned that Williams has apparently gone from an "early 20s preppie crowd trying hard to impress all the other early 20s preppies" that I loved dearly when I was 22 (somehow, just tossing your peanut shells _on the floor_ without getting yelled at seemed both devious and delicious, like you were breaking the fundamental rule learned when you were three that "YOU DON'T THROW YOUR TRASH ON THE FLOOR!") to an "early 20s super annoying hipster crowd trying hard to impress all the other early 20s super annoying hipsters." Being an almost-30 grown up, this crowd now makes me cringe and think, "look at all those stupid deviants with their weird clothing style just throwing their peanut trash on the floor. Would you do that in your own house? I don't _think_ so!" In any case, we had one* more cocktail before hailing a cab back home.

_*More than one_

We finally made it to bed around 3:30am and fell into a blissful sleep. Less than five hours later, my alarm clock started chirping, and we had to pry ourselves out of bed and go to Ham Lake to pick up Bloomy1. We were very, very grumpy and not hungover at all. We are not morning people. Coffee did not help.

We had procrastinated on picking up the funds for this purchase beforehand so needed to make a bank stop to take out a rather large stack of cash. No worries though, I had it all planned out. We would go to the Eden Prairie bank location, take out the large stack of cash, and get to Ham Lake (approx. over an hour away) by our mutually agreed-upon time of 10:30am. When we got to the bank, however, we discovered that their lobby was closed on Saturdays (despite what was noted on the website). What?! Boos all around! Thanks a lot ass hats and your dumb, non-informational website!!

Ever the optimist, I responded by saying in a loud cheerful voice "Okay! We'll just go to the drive thru!" Once in the drive thru lane, we were made to understand that the cap on cash withdrawals was $3,000. We needed more than two times that much. I started stress sweating.

At the teller's advice, we drove to the Wayzata bank location, a mere 25 minutes away. Neither of us knew where in Wayzata this bank was, even though I'd lived in Wayzata (a city of just 3.2 square miles, according to Wikipedia) for two entire years before I met the Rhino. We fought.

However, with the help of our smart phones, we figured out where the bank was (after at least one wrong turn), and I immediately realized that I had driven or walked past the bank over 1,000 times before. The lobby sign said "closed."

At this point, I decided not to be optimistic anymore and started having a semi-serious whack attack. I figured that I would be forced to go to the drive thru and default to my verbal judo tactics in order to negotiate my way into the large stack of cash we needed, despite the $3,000 cap.

Here's a transcript of what ensued:

KJ: (Drives up to the teller window)

Teller: "How can I help you today scary lady?"

KJ: (This is the point at which I cast my verbal judo spell using what I learned during Basic Training:* large words, distraction techniques, active listening, and street truths.)

KJ: (Pause for active listening)

Teller: "Well, you can't take out that amount of money using the drive thru window so you'll have to come into the lobby!"

KJ: "Wait, the lobby is open?!?!"

Teller: "It sure is!"

KJ: "Um..."

_*I have never taken Basic Training._

So, needless to say, my verbal judo tactics were 100 percent successful, and we walked into the fake-closed lobby to get our dollars. By the time we were halfway to Ham Lake, we were both staring googly eyed at the stack of cash and saying things like "Do you need some change? Oh, well let me see if I have any!" and "Ok, it's my turn to hold it now!"

Photo Op: Rhino enjoys holding the dollars.

The guy we were buying Bloomy1 from lives in a ginormous castle with a circle driveway and stone lion statues everywhere. For awhile, I got to pretend that I lived there and that I had my very own bedroom in the steeple section of the house with a wraparound window from which I could watch the world go by and sing songs and brush my very good hair and have nice birds land on my arms and chirp sweetly at me. The rich man invited us inside to his office/library/museum, and we spent the remainder of the time signing paperwork and trying not to touch any of his fancy museum pieces. We sadly handed over our cash money but drove away with our very own truck!! This moment made me remember the story about letting birds (money) go free and sometimes the birds (money) will come back to you. I really hope all the birds come back someday. I am not a risk taker. I have developed a serious stress sweating issue.

Anyway, we are very gratefully storing Bloomy1 at Rhino's mom's house until we drop it off at the makeover garage for its transformation from empty truck shell to fully operational Bloomy's on wheels.

In other news, Rhino spent the remainder of last weekend and early week learning neat things about food, as he had to take his official Food Manager exam last Wednesday at 1:00pm.

This exam required all of the following things:

1. $175

2. Extensive preparation and completion of numerous learning modules

3. An easy-to-use flash card system created by yours truly (#goteam or #nerd, your choice)

4. A one-hour drive to the exam station, in Mankato, which necessitated

5. That Rhino take a PTO day

I am happy to report that the exam went without hitch and the Rhino passed with flying colors!

Photo Op: Official proof of Rhino's education.

Now he spends his days informing me of proper food storage techniques, and I practice multi-tasking by both listening to him and reading the new (and very funny) Tina Fey book. (I have had to learn to laugh on the inside.)

Last Friday brought our first meeting with the guy who is installing the guts of the food truck for us. For the purpose of this blog book and because I'm under non-legal obligation to protect everyone's identity so I don't get sued, let's call this person Marco.

Marco is both the brains and the brawn behind the Bloomy1 inside-guts makeover. When we visited his garage place, we got to see the inside of another food truck makeover he had done as well as a warehouse stocked with equipment as far as my eyes could see. I stared, Rhino drooled, and we both got a little giddy. With Marco's help, we are about 1,000+ steps closer to finalizing the details of the Bloomy1 makeover! And he gave us some kettle popcorn to boot! We ate all of it. We were happy.

The ensuing week was spent putting the dozens of Kickstarter reward packages together and making the handful of last minute holiday package shippers who were waiting in line at the post office very, very, very angry.

Photo Op: Bloomy's infinity Kickstarter reward packages.

After three Christmas celebrations and lots of laughs and memories with our families, the Rhino and I settled gratefully into our week of vacation time away from our day jobs.

Oops. I realized just now that I never posted a picture of the Bloomy's apparel like I promised! I am the worst at promises. I blame my short term memory. It used to be better, but then we had Bloomy's.

Anyway, here you go:

Photo Op: Bloomy's Apparel. Ooh la la. I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE AWESOME!

So that brings us up to the present. I am attempting to convince the Rhino to make another video (for a top secret project) but it is a tough sell considering last attempt's debacle and subsequent emotional complexity. He's avoiding my sales techniques and celebrating the fact that he won the Fantasy League chalice this year. _(Insert Rhino comment here: "Whatever! It's engraved!")_ We never put up our Christmas tree. I guess you can't win them all.

Happy New Year from these two food truck fanatics. We've had an amazing 2011 and hope you have too. 2012 – Bring it on!

Peace, love & roast beef,

Rhino & Katie

JANUARY 15, 2012

Winter Break & A Homeless Bloomy

As an end-of-year treat and so we wouldn't lose our "use it or fuhgeddaboudit" PTO days, the Rhino and I decided to take the whole week between Christmas and New Year's off of work (day job work, that is). This means that we had ten whole days where we really didn't have to do anything except work on Bloomy's things, dream about Bloomy's, and imagine the sweet day when we won't have to live in stupid cubicles anymore. I was super excited as you can imagine, since this meant a break from the following things:

1. Uncomfortable work clothes

2. Alarm clock

3. Hair dryer/static machine

4. Driving

5. High heels

6. Going outside

It also meant that we could sit on the couch in our pajamas and eat pie and pistachio pudding bars like tomorrow would never come. But it did, and now we're left wondering how every single item of clothing we own managed to shrink so much in just one week. I blame the dryer.

The day before we were scheduled to return to our exciting* day jobs, we decided to put on some normal clothes, venture outside, and move Bloomy1 from Rhino's mom's yard to Marco's parking lot. As you may remember, Marco is the wonderbrain behind our food truck makeover, and he's just about ready to get started on transforming Bloomy1 from empty boring truck shell to slamazing diner on wheels now that we have almost-actual dollars with which to pay him!

_*not exciting at all_

I was looking forward to visiting Bloomy1, seeing as it is the closest thing that the Rhino and I have to a pet or child or other-something to care for, and I had started to miss its crappy white paint job. You can imagine my terror and devastation when the Rhino went to turn it on and IT WOULDN'T START!!! I was on the verge of whack attacking, but the Rhino's mom calmed me down by reminding me that it had been sitting in the cold yard for several weeks and just needed some TLC. She was right, as moms always are, and the hand-off to Marco was an eventual and complete success. We are proud to say that our vehicle-pet-child is now undergoing a deep cleaning and total transformation that we will document via pictures in this very blog!

Anyway, the day after moving the truck was the dreaded end to our PTO dream holiday staycation. When my alarm went off that stupid morning, I had to super-force myself to act like a grown up instead of pitching my alarm clock through the window and throwing a small* whack attack like I wanted to. I did attempt to wake the Rhino up with my sobs and violent thrashings, but he just rolled over and put the pillow over his head. I proceeded to drag myself to my cubicle home-away-from-home where it took about thirty minutes for my stress to reach pre-holiday levels. But, hey, at least my pants fit again.

_*biggest yet_

So now that it's officially 2012, it's also officially the YEAR of BLOOMY'S (if the world doesn't end, which would be really lame). Already during this year, the YEAR of BLOOMY'S, Rhino & I have done the following things:

1. Scheduled the pre-launch sponsor celebration event!!!

2. Started interviewing for our very important Food Truck Manager position!

3. Scheduled a visit to the super huge Sysco Test Kitchen (a.k.a. heaven on earth).

4. Conducted an intense prayer/law of attraction session during which we begged & pleaded that our bank loan would close by February 1. The results of this session are still TBD.

5. Found out that the home we had lined up for Bloomy1 was not going to work out after all due to some unlucky super dumbness. As you can imagine, this left us with a great sadness in our heart and a big monster-sized homeless truck. What a wonderful start to the New Year! NOT.

6. Transferred the title from the previous castle-dwelling owner to us regular house folk (see below for the ridiculous _I can't believe this actually just happened_ details).

Here we begin the tale of the **Ridiculous Title Transferring Debacle.**

The Rhino and I were looking forward to transferring the title for Blooomy1 so we could become the official owners, and also because it's the law. I had just gotten a fix-it-or-else-you're-gonna-get-a-ticket for not having my address changed on my license, so I really didn't feel like breaking the law again so soon. (Who knew you were supposed to change your address every time you moved, within 30 days of moving? I certainly did not know that but it seems very inefficient to me personally.)

Anyway, the Rhino and I decided to meet up over our lunch breaks to drive to the DMV and conduct the very easy title transfer. (Remember that we have allotted one hour for this very simple and not-complex-at-all errand.)

Here is a synopsis of what ensued:

**12:00pm**  
\- KJ arrives at Excelsior DMV and reads the large and prominent sign that reads "CASH OR CHECK ONLY."

\- Calls the Rhino and politely asks if he happens to have approximately $600 in cash in his wallet. He checks his wallet and says that he has about $4.

\- Rhino picks up KJ and they drive to the Wayzata bank to get a cashier's check. (Government requires paper trails, which we are getting very good at leaving.) On the way, we realize:

\- We don't know how much to get the cashier's check for.

**12:30pm**  
\- We arrive at the Wayzata DMV and wait in line for approximately three minutes. The nice lady types out a receipt for how much the transfer will cost.

**12:40pm**  
\- Rhino & KJ arrive at the bank and get the cashier's check.

**12:50pm**  
\- Back at the DMV, Rhino & KJ successfully complete the transfer and go to Chipotle for some burritos to celebrate.

**1:30pm**  
\- We breathe a collective sigh of relief. That wasn't too bad! Several minor mishaps but, overall, a solidly successful task achievement!

\- Wait for it...

\- Wait for it...

**The next day:**

\- Rhino realizes that we transferred the title into our individual names instead of into the business name. KJ has minor whack attack.

\- Bank confirms that title needs to be in Bloomy's name.

\- KJ calls DMV and learns that she needs to obtain elusive "Internal Revenue Code" (IRC) to avoid paying sales tax twice. She also learns that:

\- No one seems to know what an IRC code is or how to get it. A mystery solving operation begins and lasts several days.

**Several days later:**

\- KJ goes back to DMV to expedite the original title which otherwise would have taken 3-4 months to get back. Cost: $20

**3-5 days later:**

\- KJ gets title in the mail. She goes back to DMV and realizes Rhino hasn't signed the title.

**That night:**

\- KJ watches while Rhino signs the title

**The next day:**

\- KJ goes back to DMV and successfully transfers the title! Yes! Except...

\- Once I get back to work, I realize that I didn't put the bank on as a lien holder and have to break speeding laws (sorry) to get back to the DMV before it closed for the day.

\- I don't tell Rhino about this until everything is fixed. He says thank you.

So, a one hour very simple errand has turned into a three-week mega-fiasco. Good job! Apparently, ten days of couch sitting has not only shrunk all of our clothes but has made our brains a little mushy as well. No biggie. We've started taking Ginko Biloba supplements and are almost back to normal. Let's just hope this event is not indicative of how the YEAR of BLOOMY'S will transpire.

However and without further ado, it is now time to spill the beans on our latest and greatest creative project:

**The Bloomy's National Attention Project Debut:**

I wasn't going to say anything about our attention-seeking project as I didn't want to ruin the surprise or jinx the Bloomy's unpaid marketing team, but then I figured a bit of positive energy from peeps wouldn't hurt. So, here we go.

As you know, the Bloomy's marketing team is comprised of our awesomesauce Creative Director Jamie D and yours truly. As you also may know, Bloomy's has done a pretty solid job so far of getting some interest from the press. In true ambition, we decided to go for more. More as in national. National as in national network television.

So I started thinking... how does one get the attention of a national network television show such as the Food Network or the Cooking Channel or the Ellen DeGeneres Show? Phone call? Even I would probably hang up on myself. E-mail? Easy delete. Carefully handwritten and subtly perfumed letter? Passé. That left just one cool and solidly popular medium: YouTube. Home of Justin Bieber and the Honey Badger. Bring it on.

I was nervous about making another video for a few reasons, such as:

1. The fact that video making does not agree with the Rhino or me at all and results in several (many) severe dagger eye death stare matches and significant over-drinkage of wine.

2. We can't ever remember our lines.

3. HD video makes my lips disappear and my hillbilly tooth become more prominent.

4. I recently self-cut* my bangs way too short and the results were similar to what happens when a six-year-old discovers a pair of safety scissors.

_*cost control_

In any case, we invited Jamie D over to assist with the shoot, and she calmly fixed all of the above using relationship counseling techniques, script highlighters and interesting topic prompting questions, really bright lipstick, and wicked eye makeup (I assume to distract from the self-cut bang situation). Jamie D then proceeded to whip out some sneaky Steven Spielberg moves and, before we knew it, we had over half our video recorded. We all still liked each other too!

So we're half done with the video and hopefully will have that uploaded and ready to leave the show-deciders so wowed they will immediately want to give us a few moments of screen time. Ready... go!

Photo Op: Proof of Jamie D motion picture super-adeptness and Rhino line-practicing.

That's all I've got so far. I'm off to whack attack and stress-sweat about the realization I just had that we're launching in just three short months and our food truck still looks like this:

Photo Op: If you are thinking "But it looks the same as it did before?!" you are 100 percent correct.

Well, at least it will be an interesting ride.

See ya next time!

~ Katie J

JANUARY 31, 2012

Putting The "Oooo!" In Bloomy's

Last week, the Rhino and I discovered that the long-standing Gopher Towing, a.k.a. the home of Bloomy1, was no longer storing food trucks due to business relocation or similar. This was devastating on several fronts – mainly because it made our truck homeless and secondarily because we are required by law to provide the bank with a storage lease in order to get our loan money. No Gopher Towing = no home = no lease = no loan = no dollars. Yikes infinity!!

You can imagine how big a wrench this threw in our plans. However, never fear! The Rhino stepped in and found another home for Bloomy1 in less than a week.* He even brought me there for a viewing visit on Sunday! Now we have a new home for Bloomy1 that is equal in awesomeness and slightly less expensive than its previous home. Rock. On. I praised the Rhino on his industriousness and gave him a kiss (on the cheek; we are not married yet).

_*Why I adore the Rhino Reason #6,717,794 infinity._

Two Fridays ago, the Rhino accompanied yours truly to my day-job department's holiday party. Yes, we have our holiday party in January. The party, coincidentally, was also held at Chino Latino (just like the Rhino's holiday party was!). So we got to spend a few hours stuffing our faces with delicious food such as shrimp curry while doing awesome (at the time) things like this:

Photo Op: Us in the attractive tribal head wraps people wear before doing sake bombs at Chino Latino. This was (not) our first sake bomb.

I wish I could say that this holiday party turned out differently than the last one, but it surely did not. The Rhino and I once again plopped into bed well after 3:00am and spent the next day rubbing our bellies and cursing our love-hate relationship with Bacardi Limon.

In any case, we recovered and were incredibly excited about our big important meeting at the...

**Sysco Test Kitchen!!**

Last week, the Rhino and I took some time to visit the best place in the world (or at least the best place in Blaine, MN), the Sysco Test Kitchen. Stocked far and wide with delicious ingredients just waiting for us to eat and judge them. Which we did. A lot.

Accompanying us to this dreamland was the official taste testing crew, comprised of (in no particular order).

1. Our culinary specialist, Budda,* who brought over a decade's worth of experience in catering, kitchen management, and creating culinary masterpieces. And a notable passion for agates and rocks and things.

2. Rhino's BFF since 8th grade (think Stand By Me meets ... Starsky and Hutch?), Ron,* and his lovely wife.

3. Our awesomesauce Creative Director, Jamie D* (the D stands for Deelightful or Deelicious, depending on your preference)

_*Names may have been changed to protect the identity of our taste testing crew, or not. Probably not._

Jamie D, Rhino, & I were super early to the test kitchen (ooh anticipation!) so we decided to stop off for a quick beer (it was lunch time, BTW, and therefore completely acceptable). However, my GPS wasn't working, so the three of us were forced into looking for beer the old fashioned way. (B _y actually looking with our eyes.)_

Between the solid input of his car companions _(KJ: "I think I might see something over there!! Jamie D: No, that's... not a place that sells beer,")_ _,_ Rhino calmly navigated us to a strip mall where he found us a Chinese Buffet. We proceeded to order some Blue Moons, and I was happily surprised when the beers arrived along with many fortune cookies! I tried to trick my severe hunger pains with the beer carbonation, but it backfired and, about five minutes later, I was forced to start hoarding and devouring everyone else's fortune cookies. Sorry guys, desperate times and things.

After the beers and the fortune cookies (I ate all of them) we headed back to the test kitchen.

After a slightly uncomfortable yet slightly uninformative meeting with a salesperson, we were ushered into the super slamazing, super huge, and super HOT test kitchen. The best part of this test kitchen environment was sitting around at a little table and having four people wait on us! That's one waiter per person! I realized that meant that each of us had our own personal butler or something, and I started feeling very posh and celeb-like.

Then our personal butlers started bringing out food. And more food. And then they brought out some more food. By the time they brought the roast beef out, I was so excited I nearly burst into song! I believed for a moment that my life had reached its pinnacle and am also about 90 percent certain that I heard angels singing.

I wondered out loud what it would be like to live in that test kitchen and have four butlers wait on me forever _(Jamie D: "Awesome! It would be awesome!")_. But it was just too hot... and there was no shower, which is a really bad combo. So we did eventually leave.

Photo Op: Proof of Test Kitchen awesomeness

In any case, despite all the decisions we made on chili and coleslaw ingredients and roast beef cuts and things, we still have over half our menu to go. Most importantly, we still need to decide on the mucho important menu item better known as The Bread. This will be my favorite part! I am very head over heels for bread in general as it comprises the majority of all my meals so have been incredibly excited about this decision for pretty much my whole life. However, the Rhino believes that bread is "just a vessel to get the beef into your face" so a convincing session may be in order. Another test kitchen visit?? Yes please!!

Except for one small problem.

**KJ and the Clean Program**

**(For those of you who think detoxing is a scam, feel free skip this part.)**

Yes, I have decided to start a program. It is called the Clean Program. During this program, I cannot eat any of the following things: cheese, eggs, french fries, ranch dressing, bacon, bread, beer, tomatoes, pop, ice cream, pizza, Carnation Instant Breakfast, or pretty much any other thing you can think of that's delicious and fun. I'm approximately 99 percent sure I'm going to die from lack of bacon, seeing as it has only been two days and it's already all I can think about. Especially while I'm busy burning quinoa and trying to figure out how to cook a chicken breast.

The Rhino is "supporting but not participating," as he enjoys the aforementioned food and beverage items way too much to give them up _(Insert Rhino comment here: "Why do you think I look so good in a white t-shirt?")_. Touché.

I think we are both very nervous about what lack of sugar and grease will do to this girl's mood but hopefully we will both make it to the end of the program. Stay tuned!

So that brings us to Sunday, the day that began the adventurous quest for the city-mandated:

**Commercial Kitchen**

All Minneapolis food trucks are required to partner with a commercial kitchen, which doesn't sound that difficult until you realize that there are like five million cajillion food trucks and like two commercial kitchens. Yikes. We've been on the search for awhile before finally identifying two equally magnificent commercial kitchen options. Here they are for your reading pleasure.

**(1) Kitchen in the Market**

On Sunday, the Rhino and I ventured into unknown paradise-like territory, a.k.a. Midtown Global Market, located in an ultra-hip and up-and-coming (ghetto) part of Minneapolis. We were there to meet with the charming woman who runs Kitchen in the Market, a wicked cool commercial kitchen smack dab in the middle of all the market glory! (If you haven't been to the Midtown Global Market, I'd suggest going immediately. It's the balls. Even despite one very, very weird woman who was sitting on a bench outside the bathroom and asked me if I was Kimberly as I was going into the bathroom and also as I was coming out of the bathroom. I started feeling very bad for her and thought maybe she was waiting for someone named Kimberly to pick her up from that bench or maybe she thought that my venture into the bathroom somehow turned me into a different person named Kimberly. But instead of asking her if she needed help finding the real Kimberly, I just kept walking because (1) she was a little scary and (2) I'm a total asshole when it comes to helping strangers.)

Anyway, first the Rhino and I got to tour the kitchen and all its slamazingness and, afterwards, we calculated the distance (seven miles) and time (20-ish minutes but we made all the green lights) between the kitchen and our storage facility. Not bad, not bad!

We were so excited after the kitchen tour that the Rhino took yours truly to JJ's Clubhouse restaurant for a "Katie's last meal before her clean program" feast of Bloody Mary's, sandos,* and Cajun fries. I'm pretty sure this was the best day of my entire life.

_*sando (noun): sandwich_

**(2) Kindred Kitchen**

Last night, we met with an adorable lady from the Kindred Kitchen. Kindred Kitchen is our second commercial kitchen option in Minneapolis and specifically supports new foodies trying to get their businesses off the ground. This place also offers a workshop series where you can learn about everything from writing a business plan to marketing strategy to Quickbooks. Dope! It is also conveniently located just 1.9 miles from our new storage facility! And across the street from a cookie shop! Go Team Rhino! We also got to meet other aspiring food people including a chutney enthusiast, a baker, and a pasta maker. Three cheers for other food people!

It will be very tough indeed to decide which kitchen to go with, and we only have until the end of the week to decide... because of some very best news, which I have saved for last!

**Some Very Best News**

As I was leaving work yesterday and walking through the parking lot to my car, I got a call from the Rhino. Here is a 100 percent accurate transcript of our conversation:

Phone: "Ring ring!"

Me: "Hello?"

Rhino: "Hi honey."

Me: "Who dis?"

Rhino: "It's Ryan."

Me: "Oh, hi honey!'

Rhino: (Rolls eyes.) "Do you want to hear some good news?"

Me: "YES! DESPERATELY!"

Rhino: "Well... I just got off the phone with the bank..."

Me: (Heart rate increases from 90bpm to 250bpm)

Rhino: (Pause)

Me: "AND?!?!?!"

Rhino: "They said the paperwork was approved!!"

Me: (not exaggerating): Drop everything I am holding into a parking lot snow puddle (this includes: purse, lunch bag, laptop bag, high heels, water bottle) and start screaming as loud as my vocal cords allow. Then I kick up my heels and do a little jig and half face plant into a big patch of ice.

Rhino: lol, lol.

Me: "Eeek! Eeek!"

For those of you who have been following this whole story without distraction, you are aware that we were scheduled to close on our loan in December. Well, it is not December anymore and we have yet to close on our loan. Some super dumb "at-least-60-days-or-maybe-more" paperwork approval process came up in a very surprising last-minute manner, and the Rhino and I have been sitting on edge for the last six weeks, hoping and praying for the approval. Now we have it! Early! You know what that means.... BLOOMY'S IS BACK IN ACTION BABY!!

That's all I got, for now. I wish I could say that I was off to pop open a celebratory bottle of wine but... water will have to suffice for this roast beef lover. At least for now. However, the Rhino is currently enjoying a glass (bottle) of Copper Ridge* wine that he got from his stepdad while I look on with my glass of water and shoot mucho llama faces his way.

*(Rhino: "Oooh, Copper Ridge! I would walk right past you in the store, but when I get you for free I can drink you all night long!")

Cheers!

~ Katie J

FEBRUARY 15, 2012

The Countdown Begins

After a small bout of writer's block (my first since beginning the blog, oh no!), I've nearly recovered and am ready to share all of the new and wonderful things that have happened since I last left you. First of all though, I have to say that I'm pretty sure my writer's block was caused by one event in particular. I will call this event The Attack of the Seven Point Five Pound Bacon.

This attack happened on day eight of my 21 day Clean Program (NOT including the four day prep thing I had to go through beforehand, also during which I could not eat any of my regular foods).

Anyway, I was sitting on the couch watching epical episodes of Downton Abbey when, all of the sudden, I was struck by a bacon craving. A bad one. Like the kind you get after not eating any bacon for over 12 days. I mean, I could literally taste the bacon in my mouth and throat area. Then my whole body started shaking and I just knew I was going to die if I did not get any bacon into my face immediately.

Then, not even five minutes later, the Rhino walked in with (I AM NOT KIDDING) a 7.5 pound CRATE of bacon!

_Photo Op: Proof of the 7.5 pound crate of bacon_. There are mucho layers involved in this crate.

Between apologies and dodging my scary growls and attempts to jump on the crate and devour its insides, the Rhino managed to tell me that our Bloomy's Sysco food provider had dropped off some bacon for taste testing purposes. Apparently, _some_ equals 7.5 pounds worth! So now I have all this bacon in my home and it's all I can think about. It's literally all I can think about. Is it sad that eating bacon is my #1 life priority? I mean, I should probably have a different #1 priority, like making a difference in the world or having really amazing hair. But...

Anyway, sweet Rhino made individual sized bacon packs to hide in the freezer so I could focus on way more important things, like telling this story. Did I want to lick his fingers afterwards? Maybe. I mean definitely.

Moving on.

We've officially started the T MINUS COUNTDOWN TO THE BLOOMY'S LAUNCH! I don't really enjoy the countdown, usually because it gives me heart palps*, but I figured it was about time we started one. Mainly because I really wanted to install a fun countdown gadget on my Google page. This is also where I track my two stock investments (I made almost $11 today!) and whether new movies got a tomato or a splat on the tomatometer.

_*Palps (n): Palpitations of the heart. This may or may not be a genetic abnormality, also commonly experienced as a precursor to a very large whack attack._

Anyway, we're less than ten weeks from our big sponsor celebration event and the Bloomy's event planning team (comprised of Creative Director JamieDelish, Event Manager Chickie*, and yours truly) is ready to start super-planning what will soon be remembered as **"The Greatest 2012 Twin Cities Food Truck Sponsor Celebration Event/Launch Party. Ever."** We have some exciting plans in the works and can't wait to see all of our Kickstarter backers there to help us kick off Bloomy1! Bring your appetites people!

_*Our newest Bloomy's (unpaid) team member. Her name is not Chickie, but her real name is too hard to remember._

The Rhino and I are also very excited to share two major pieces of information with ya'll. One is business related and one is a big announcement about our relationship. Oooh, what could that be? Hold your horses because we're starting with the business one.

**Number One**

Our prized possession, Bloomy1, has officially gone from looking like this:

Photo Op: Before

TO LOOKING LIKE THIS!

Photo Op: After

Wait...You might be thinking: "Dude, it looks exactly the same. You just changed the background and the way it was facing."

First off, don't call me Dude. Second, take a closer look at this:

Photo Op: Proof of Hard Work (done by someone else)

That's right! That, my friends, is our very own super bomb serving window through which we can serve all of our delicious roast beef sandos and greet our fellow beef lovers with a welcoming Bloomy's smile! Yessss! Marco has been doing loads of work on the inside of Bloomy1, getting her ready for her big debut, and has already achieved numerous feats including this:

And this!

And this!

(If you don't know what any of this stuff is, don't worry. I don't either.)

In fact, Bloomy1 is officially nearly ready for her paint job which will be completed by our very own Rhino and his dad, Papa Kirk. I will miss you Doritos logo!

**Number Two**

Now, on to the second announcement. After five months of being engaged, the Rhino and I have finally decided on an official day of matrimony! Go team! That didn't take long at all! We had originally figured on October 13 (our anniversary-of-meeting day) of next year since this year we're way too busy making Bloomy1 the food truck rockstar of the Midwest. But then we realized that pretty much no one would want to party down with us on a Sunday night due to working requirements the very next day. So now we've decided that on September 27, 2013 we will have a few family and friends over to Rhino's mom's house, eat some food, dance a few jigs, change my last name to Bloomstrom, take some pictures, and go to somewhere tropical to celebrate my name change. No big deal. I also may or may not have started a matrimony day countdown on my Google page. 589 days? Done.

Why September 27? Because according to our numerology charts,* this is the most auspicious day for the Rhino and me to enter into a lifelong union. It's also the Rhino's nephew's birthday, and something tells me he'll enjoy a night of cake, dancing, and complete awesomeness. Bring it on. I will start planning this event in approximately 529 days.

_*This blog is a judgment free area. And numerology is sometimes over 16 percent accurate._

**In Other Exciting Future News**

Tomorrow afternoon, the Rhino and I will be making a very important trip to our local bank so we can officially close on our bank loan! After eight months of work and hundreds of hours of lost sleep, the fact that this day has finally arrived just doesn't seem real to either of us (and probably won't until it's over and official). But we are both very much looking forward to actually having some dollars so we can buy important business items such as dishes and food and things. And pay our bills too. Maybe.

Saturday brings the **Big Day of Food Truck Manager Interviews**. This is the time during which the Rhino and I will meet our Food Truck Manager (FTM) finalists face-to-face and decide which FTM is awesomesauce enough to manage Bloomy1! This is one of the most important tasks on my Bloomy to-do list, as our first FTM will not only manage Bloomy1 but may very well end up managing the whole kit and caboodle* in the very near future. What a sweet job! If the Rhino would let me, I would totally apply. Except that I don't meet the qualifications. Whatever.

_*I don't actually know what this phrase means, but I heard my grandma say it once and it made my grandpa lol._

We're also excited to share that our website (which was built by me, so only I can be offended when I say that I think it has no game) is currently undergoing a mega face lift! Our developer dude seems to have disappeared underground for the winter so I don't have an ETA, but hopefully he will resurface shortly. Then we can unveil the new and improved website that has lots of game and also houses this very blog! Dope!

Ok, I'm off to watch a John Cusack film _(Rhino: "I don't know why you love him so much." Me: "YOU CAN'T HELP WHO YOU LOVE!")_ while really trying hard not to think about all that bacon in the freezer.

In the words of our friend and loyal blog follower, Eric: "May the beef be with you."

I love bacon,

~ Katie J

MARCH 1, 2012

Can You Step Into My Office?

The Rhino and I are proud to present the following fantastic news:

After hundreds of resumes, 15ish (or I lost count how many) phone interviews, and three slamazing final candidates, we are excited to share that we have officially hired our Food Truck Manager! Please welcome Mr. B., our new Food Truck Manager, to the Bloomy's food family! Stay tuned for B.'s exciting photo op introduction. I could have pulled a photo of him off Facebook but stopped myself because 1) that might be weird and slightly stalkerish and 2) I'm not quite sure of the Facebook laws regarding photo borrowing*.

_*By borrowing, I mean taking and claiming as my own._

Anyway, not only is B. 150 percent awesomesauce, but he has loads of experience in the food industry and is a whiz with social media. He also has a really shiny grill (like a grill where you grill meat and kabobs, not a Lil' John-style mouth grill.). In addition, he has created numerous mouth watering culinary masterpieces that I have spent mucho time drooling over already!

B. is so bomb that he already met the Rhino at Marco's place last week to do the final walk through of Bloomy1 and made lots of helpful suggestions including the most helpful suggestion of all: how to fit a third seat in the truck! This means that we can drive around town with three people in the truck instead of two! Way to go B.! Mission accomplished and you haven't even technically started working yet. A+++. Would hire again! This exciting news also means that we get to install a jump seat in the truck! A jump seat! I've always* wanted one of those and now I can have one! Thank you Bloomy1 for making all of my dreams come true.

_*Ever since last week when I learned about it._

In other news, the Rhino has informed me that we need to begin referring to our home office as "HQ" from this moment forward. So whenever I say "HQ," you will know that I'm talking about our office where the Rhino has a big nice roomy workspace that takes up 60 percent of the room and I have this:

Photo Op: Proof of tiny closet office at HQ.

Now, you could be thinking – is that a super tiny desk located in the closet? Complete with a hard wooden kitchen chair and a book as a mousepad? In the closet? Why yes. Yes it is. It's called compromise, people, and an above-average ability to fit well into small spaces. Although the Rhino does let me put dibs on his roomy workspace approximately 4x per week. Or 0x if I'm "being a fuddy-duddy.*"

_*The Rhino's description of me when I'm being mean and making smart comments and narrowing my eyes at things._

The nice thing about owning a company such as Bloomy's is that you can pretty much call things whatever you please, because you're the boss of everything! You can even pick your own job title. For example, my job title is Chief Executive Officer because I'm the one who does all the filing of important documents and filling out of all the papers and the Rhino is the Chief Operating Officer because he's the one who does all the reports and check writing. However, the Rhino has decided to change his job title from COO to the more intriguing and FBI/Undercover Agent title of "Chief of Operational Intelligence." So now when people ask me what my fiancé does for a living, I can say, "Well he is a Chief of Operational Intelligence and he is very important and makes important decisions on things." (I leave out the part where he works at this job for free and appointed it to himself, obvi.) Then the person who asked says "Wow, that sounds like a really cool job." And I say, "It IS a really cool job! I mean, he doesn't carry a 14K gold badge or have access to top secret classified governmental information. But it's still pretty sweet."

(Warning, major sidetrack about to happen here).

My spell checker function just informed me of the appropriate spelling for the word "fiancé." Apparently, I've been e-introducing people to the Rhino as "My Finance." Oops. Although you could argue that "My Finance" is still accurate. Ooooh. Just kidding! Calm down people. I pay my own bills. On time.

Anyway, before we move on to business updates, which is what this blog is supposed to be about but isn't most of the time, I want to give one exciting personal update. I CAN EAT FOOD AGAIN! After my 25 day Clean Program, during which I did not cheat ONE time but during which I complained approximately 100 percent of the time, the Rhino and I celebrated my return to regular food with this:

Photo Op: They look like they're dancing a little jig on top of those beer cans!

Yes, my friends. This is a picture of the two chicken-topped beer cans that hung out in our oven for awhile. One is lemon garlic and his friend is smoky BBQ. Mmm, delicious.

Our friend over at our Sysco food provider place had impeccable timing as usual (except for the bacon incident) and also dropped off this:

And this:

AND THIS:

And, my personal favorite:

THIS!

Now that's a lot of Ghirardelli brownie mix! Am I in heaven? Yes. Will I curse the belly ache I'll have after eating this entire box of brownies by myself? Definitely. (Not a deterrent at all. Bring it on.)

Even though I've since convinced two other people to try the Clean Program, I cannot tell you how ready I was to rejoin the rest of food-eating society. The worst thing ever was experiencing such horrible situations as this: sitting down to dinner with the Rhino, drooling over his beef brisket, and frowning over my nasty butternut squash soup, while having super duper lame table conversations such as this:

_The Rhino_ : "How's your soup?"

_KJ_ : "Eh."

_Rhino_ : "You know, you can put some sea salt in there."

_KJ_ : "Why? So it can bring out the assy flavors even more? And taste like salty butternut ass? No thanks!"

Now, we don't even have conversations at the table anymore because I'm too busy stuffing my face with things like this!

Photo Op: 7.5 lbs of bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon. ALL MINE!

Side note: Someone asked me recently why I decided to endure the 25 days of eating only healthy granola hippie food and drinking healthy shakes instead of meals and the reason is this: After contracting (what I thought was) a horribly painful sinus infection, going to the doctor to get antibiotics twice (they didn't work), trying everything else under the sun to no avail, going back to the doctor (third time) only to have her tell me it was probably an allergy and that I should go on prescription Flonase (freaking idiot!), the Clean Program was my last chance. I'd had the nose-head-area pain for nearly three months and was dying on the inside and the outside. The whole Clean Program was designed to clean out my guts and reboot my immune system. Did it work to get rid of my maybe sinus infection/maybe allergies? Yes! It did! I was pain-free after less than two weeks! I mean, the program was pretty hard and sucky but was not nearly as craptastic as having a perma-headache that ruined my life for three months straight.

Ok, now it's time for the business updates. And here they are, in no particular order of importance.

1) The party planning is well underway for our sponsor/launch celebration, which is officially scheduled for April 21! That is less than two months away! Yikes.* JamieD, Chickie, and I have come up with a super list of sponsor party ideas that I can't share seeing as they are surprises. But the surprises are aplenty, and they are going to be slamazing.

_*_ _I mean Yikes in a good way. I'm not freaking out or anything. Maybe a little bit. I'm seriously freaking out!! Aaagh!_

2) The Rhino is busy toiling away on creating our master SOP document that we have to submit to the city inspectors to get our official "ready for business" stamps of approval. In times like these, I'm glad the Rhino is the COI, which could easily stand for "chief of mucho boring things like SOPs."

3) While the Rhino is working away on the above, I have been beating my brains out trying to learn the fine art of web development since I cannot find one person to help me build the new Boomy's website for free. Little did I realize that doing a website would also require learning a completely new and foreign language better known as HTML and CSS. This adult language learning requirement has caused a few* whack attacks and many "fuddy duddy" moments that have resulted in the Rhino permanently kicking me out of HQ. Good thing dumbed-down video tutorials and I have become BFFs. Go social sharing for web dummies!

_*_ _Infinity_

4) After a bit of equipment rearranging to better fit our wicked jump seat, Marco (our inside guts builder) is putting the finishing touches on Bloomy1 and is nearly done! I can't wait to take her up to Papa Kirk's and get my mechanical skills* groove on!

_*Wait – is sanding and painting even considered a mechanical skill? Let's pretend it is, and that I'm really good at it._

5) I'm really trying hard not to think about the line cooks and cashiers we still have to hire and the companies we have to call and the stops we have to set up and the permits we need to get and the bills we have to pay. Heavy sigh. This is why 4:30am and I have become such good friends lately. Boo.

But, we're nearly to the finish line everyone! The hard part is hopefully almost nearing its end and, after we launch, I sincerely hope we have no more problemos or weird unlucky issues and am putting my positive vibes out to the Universe for permanently smooth sailings ahead. (Riiiight). Hey, it's the thought that counts!

I have to go care for my poor Rhino now, who is down for the count with a head cold the size of Massachusetts.

Catch y'all on the flip side,

~ Katie J

March 11, 2012

Some Photos for You to Look At (Inside Truck Guts Evolving Into Kitchen)

MARCH 20, 2012

And the Beat Goes On...And On...And On

Dear fellow roast beef lovers,

It is with heavy eyes and tender, swollen, sanded-down-to-nothing finger nubs that I write to you today. Finger nubs that have spent countless hours getting Bloomy1 ready for her paint job. Just how massive was this project, you might ask? Well... let me tell you a story. A story about love, loss, and misunderstanding.

The Story of Love, Loss and Misunderstanding

Once upon a time, otherwise known as two Fridays ago, the Rhino and I woke up with excitement in our hearts. The day had finally arrived when we could pick up Bloomy1 from Marco's and bring it up to Big Lake to prep and paint it for its big food truck debut! Since Bloomy1 had been fully wrapped with a vinyl decal (thanks a lot vinyl applying a-holes for ruining my life!) and crappily rolled with white house paint, we knew it was going to be a lot of work. About $10,000 worth of work, according to a local auto body pal. Good thing we had planned out a money-saving strategy in extensive detail beforehand! (My part of this strategy was to listen to the Rhino's plan and respond enthusiastically.)

The Plan

1. The Rhino began the planning process by researching numerous kinds of paint thinner with the idea that we could use the most slamazing paint thinner in the world to cut through the paint and decal. Pros: He found the best paint thinner ever! Cons: No one would ship it to us because it's considered super intense hazardous material. Yikes! Never fear though! See #2 for proof of the Rhino's adaptability skills.

2. As proof of his adaptability skills, Rhino discovered another paint thinner with the same active hazardous material ingredients sold at our local True Value hardware store. Nice recovery! High fives!

3. We figured if the paint thinner didn't fully work, we'd just sand the truck down to its aluminum using our handy drill sanders. Good plan!

Feeling quite accomplished and technically savvy, we packed up the Rhino's Jeep with sanders, scrapers, and ultra-hazardous paint thinners before heading to Marco's to pick up Bloomy1. I was so excited that I kept babbling about how incredible it would be to do some physical Bloomy's work instead of sitting at a desk all the time and perfecting my flat office ass situation. Think of all the calories I would burn! And the toned arms I would get! (Insert multiple Rhino eye rolls here.)

Well...when we got to the truck, we realized pretty quickly that it wouldn't start. I will remember the sad final whimpers of that nearly dead battery forever. And when it died, I was happy to remember that the Rhino had jumper cables in the back of the Jeep! Until I was informed that the Rhino had recently taken them out and replaced them with a tow rope. LIKE ANYONE EVER NEEDS A TOW ROPE!

Anyway, we drove all the way back home (30 minutes), grabbed the cables (one minute), and headed back to Bloomy1 for Take Two (30 minutes). The jump got her ticker beating again and off we went! As it was dark, late, and freezing by the time we got to Papa Kirk's, we decided to hit the hay and get an early start on Saturday. We went to sleep with smiles on our faces, me dreaming about muscle definition and the Rhino about more practical things I'm sure. Then came Saturday.

Saturday a.k.a. "The Day of Trial, Error, and General Awfulness."

Rhino & I woke up early, put on our painting outfits,* and headed out to the shop. What follows is a super accurate timeline of how this day went.

*I guess I'm the only one who calls it a 'painting outfit' and everyone else calls them 'painting clothes.' Whatever.

8:30am – We excitedly put on our hazardous-paint-thinner-avoider-gear which included safety goggles, a respirator with pink filters, and heavy duty impermeable work gloves. My work gloves were the exact same size as the ones Rhino and his dad had, which means they were about 1,000x too big for my hands.* Anyway. Rhino got out the paint thinner and the paint brush and I got out the plastic scraper. Ready, begin!

*Apparently, no store in the country makes heavy duty impermeable work gloves in child size.

10:00am – We realize the stupid vinyl decal was not only covering a layer of super powered epoxy paint but that it also came complete with NASA strength permanent adhesive that even highly toxic paint thinner wouldn't cut through.

10:45am – We're staring at a truck that now has sticky gobs of glue stuck all over it. I feel whack attack #1 coming on but sufficiently stuff it back down* so it can fester into a huge stress ball in my belly.

*Because I promised the Rhino I would do my best not to whack attack until further notice.

11:30am – After testing several glue removal techniques, including but not limited to: lacquer thinner, wax & dirt remover, rubbing it with our gloved fingers (FYI – all this does is roll the glue from one section to another) and sanding with our drills, we realized that sanding with our drills was the only thing in the world that worked to successfully remove the demon globs. We decided to go gung ho and sand away all the glue forever! But first, a lunch break.

12:30pm – Back in action, we get out our sanding drills and get to work! This is sure to be successful!

3:30pm – The only successful thing we have done is successfully break two drills trying to sand through to the aluminum.

3:45pm – Realize that it would take us pretty much the whole rest of our lives to sand the entire truck down to its aluminum. Good thing we have to launch in five weeks! The huge stress ball continues to grow. It has now spread from my belly to my sternum; it is becoming hard to breathe.

4:00pm – I stare at the truck and realize for the first time the exact enormity of what we've gotten ourselves into. In case you're wondering, this enormity is called a truck the size of Rhode Island that, after most of a day with three people working on it, has 1/4 of one side sanded and is covered in glue gobs. The stress ball is now up to my throat and makes me swallow every five seconds. I can no longer breathe and have to whack attack on the inside.

5:00pm – Realize that our only true option to ensure that we'll launch on time is to sand the top layer of the truck (yes, that crappy house paint), prime, sand again, paint, and cross our fingers that the paint won't cause the decal to lift up and crack everything to bits.

5:30pm – Go inside, eat dinner, and pass out.

Sunday a.k.a. "The Slightly Better Day When We Make Minor Headway"

When I wake up, the clock reads 7:15am. I am excited because it is Daylight Savings time and you know what that means! It's actually only 6:15am! Except in the spring, when you lose an hour and realize that it's already 8:15am. Ass hat! Gut check confirms that the stress ball is still fully intact.

8:30am – 5:00pm – We sand, sand, and sand. Then we sand. Then we sand and sand again. Oh, what is this over here? More sanding. We sand through our gloves and the top layer of our skin. We sand until our arms don't work anymore and our eyes won't stay open. Then, we sand some more. We sand around thousands of rivets and through glob after glob of ridiculously annoying house paint. What did we do then? You guessed it. We sand.

Then, we ate dinner, went home and got ready for stupid work the next day.

So this quickly became our new routine: get up, go to work, come home, grab a sandwich, and eat dinner in the car on the way up to Papa Kirk's. Sand, sand, sand until we can't sand anymore before driving home and collapsing into bed.

I can honestly say that neither the Rhino nor I have worked this hard before in the history of our lives. And the worst thing is that, after all that time and work, the end isn't even in sight yet. Not even a little bit. See below for proof.

Photo Op: Proof of horrible awful sanding situation. Additional proof to follow.

Photo Op: Additional proof of horrible awful situation. Final proof to follow.

Photo Op: Final proof of situation.

So around comes Friday, the night we had designated as our One Night Off after a whole weekend and week of sanding and dying slowly. After all that time, we were nearly done with the sanding part (effing finally!) and ready to move on to the priming/painting/praying the decal won't lift off stage. Our brains were fried, our bodies were so exhausted they were actually shaking noticeably (but slightly more toned!), and our spirits were hovering barely above "dangerously low." We needed a night off in a big way.

As I sat at work on Friday afternoon, I dreamed of all the wonderful things we could do on our One Night Off – like sit down, watch some TV...maybe eat a non-multitasking dinner. Then I realized that there were at least ten things I needed to do that night just to keep us on our timeline to attend our own launch party on the 21st. Then, I freaked.*

*Freak (v): A more intense version of a whack attack.

This freak resulted in a panicked phone call to one of two people in this world who could calm me down. One of them* was already overextended, so I called the (barely) slightly less extended one: my sweet and practical dad. The same guy who, when he answered my call with a jolly laugh and an innocent "how's the truck?," was greeted with sobs from his eldest child and a barely coherent "I'm in over my head .... What do I dooooooooo... booo hoo..."

*The Rhino, in case you were wondering. And I'd already promised him that I wouldn't whack attack anymore... in front of him. (I added that last bit myself just now.)

After giving me a reassuring attitude readjustment and a virtual hug, my Pa sent me on my way. At the same time (approx.), the Rhino sent me an e-mail letting me off the truck-work hook for the weekend! Not because he thought my mechanical skills were subpar,* but because it didn't take three people to prime a truck (unless one of said people wished to simply stand and watch the stuff dry, which was the role I definitely would have called dibs on).

*This is probably the real reason.

So I stayed behind and completed nearly 20 to-do list items over the weekend while the Rhino and his dad completed numerous feats on Bloomy1. These feats included the majestic achievement of purchasing test paint and applying it in a way (slowly and with fingers double crossed) that would not cause the decal to lift and crack. And it worked!

Now, we are so proud to tell you that after a million cajillion billion hours, the end of this project is finally in sight! The truck is sanded to perfection, the hub caps are no longer trusty rusty circle eye sores, the bumper is shiny (well, as shiny as we could get it), the grill is fixed, and the rivets can kiss my butt. And, we saved over $9,500 to boot! All that's left is painting and decorating with our logo! At the same time, we're still on track to launch on time – despite our recent hurdle(s) – and our spirits are once again hovering just above "infinity high."

In case you were wondering where the Love, Loss and Misunderstanding went, here's a quick explanation: The Rhino & I made it through this ridiculousness (so far) with our relationship intact (Love).

We broke two drills and disposed of about 1,000 sanding pads and several pairs of gloves (Loss).

I also nearly lost my mind (Loss).

Our excitement around working on the BEST PROJECT EVER was quickly replaced with the harsh reality that we are novices and had no freaking idea how much work this would actually be (utter Misunderstanding).

So there you have it. One month until launch and we're still hanging in there... barely. But it will all be worth it when we serve our very first mouth watering roast beef sandwich. Dibs!

Stay cool,

Katie J

APRIL 6, 2012

The Rhino and I Take Some Time Apart

The Rhino and I have spent the last few weeks not recovering from our recent truck sanding fiasco. I mean really valuable learning experience. Instead, we have been working round the clock getting ready for our rapidly approaching launch! We've been so busy, in fact, that this blog is now numerous days late and counting. Sorry guys. I've been busy with paperworkings and getting very important items such as licenses and permits and things (see proof below). Although I do greatly enjoy and will never tire of getting the "when's the next blog coming?" question. It makes me smile. On the inside and the outside.

Photo Op: Proof of massive amounts of necessary paperwork mailings.

The launch party is just a mere twoish weeks away (YIKES INFINITY!!!). After the Rhino fired me/laid me off from my job as Bloomy's unhelpful sanding helper, he and I decided to take some time apart. This enabled him to drive approx. 1,000 miles back and forth to Papa Kirk's while I stayed home and worked on such things as party planning (really fun!) to tracking down bulk spice distributors (medium fun!) to filing uber-paperwork, scheduling inspections, setting up bank accounts and tax accounts and employee files, researching bookkeeping and payroll software, and et cetera (100 percent lame).

For those of you who know the Rhino & me, you know that we are usually two peas in a pod. But the enormity of the tasks on our ever-increasing task list demanded that we divide and conquer. Good thing, too, as what happened when Rhino & his dad neared the end of the sanding/priming/painting process would have given me the mother of all whack attacks. And I probably would have died. I mean, I definitely would have died. You must be thinking, "OMG! What in the world happened?" Well, hold your horses because I'm just about to tell you right now. Jeez.

The Story of What Happened

You know when you go the paint store to get a bucket of paint, and the guy (or girl) who mixes the paint puts the color code right there on the bucket so you know what color it is in case you have to order it again? Yeah, well that's how it works in the normal world.

In the world of Bloomy's, this is what actually happens: You go in and find the most perfect paint color for your truck, so you order a bucket. When you're nearly done painting, you realize that you need to order another bucket... except the dude who mixed the paint in the first place put the WRONG code on the bucket! A code that is like 50 shades off from the actual color. And the dude has now disappeared from the face of the planet and no one seems to know if he ever existed at all, so you can't ask him a dang thing.

So what you're left with is a bucket of paint that doesn't match the perfect color at all but you have to use it anyway cuz you're a start up and therefore on a budget of approximately seven dollars. Ahhhh! I'm a little stressed just writing about this. PS – This totally reminds me of the time* I was so stressed that my jaw muscles froze up until I couldn't move my face anymore and then I sprained my thumb trying to work the kinks out.

*Earlier today.

Luckily, Rhino & his dad were able to mix the not-matching-at-all paint with some other paint and got something relatively close to the original color. Is it noticeable? Mmmm...not really.* Good thing the Rhino knows me well enough to know that it was best not to tell me about this until it was all said and done. Saved me at least three heart malfunctions. At least.

*Pretty much only when you look at it.

In all seriousness, the truck looks freaking slamazing and it's all thanks to the Rhino & his dad. You guys rock! And you saved us at least $9,500 or more. Go team Bloomy's! Although, I must admit that I will miss looking at that Doritos Frito Lay logo and laughing every time a semi-defeated Rhino said, "I got Layed." You'd think that saying would get less funny with time, but it does not.

In any case, after over three weeks of work, Bloomy1 is sanded, primed, and painted to perfection. Want to see it? Well... you'll just have to "Follow the Beef" and meet up with us on the road! (See what I did there? That, my friends, is called a not-so-subtle self-promotion.)

In other news:

Last weekend Saturday, the Rhino, B. (our manager), and I spent the not-71 degree and not-sunny day inside at a free conference room compliments of the Minneapolis library. (Seriously weather people? Is it opposite weather forecast day again? You know I wore a dress because you said it was going to be 71 and sunny, right? You caused me to freeze my ass off ALL DAY! I'm suing on the basis of emotional malfeasance! Pay me one million dollars like now!) Anyway, we spent nearly the whole day interviewing line cook & cashier candidates and I am so happy to report that we now have a fully hired and fully capable team of roast beef lovers, ready to start training next week!

Speaking of introductions, please allow me to take a moment to formally introduce (again) our food truck manager, Mr. B.! Aside from being completely awesomesausage, B. brings to the table both slamazing culinary skillz and a love of all things roast beef. He and Rhino have also developed a fairly hysterical habit of making little beef jokes to each other all day long.

An example of this follows:

B.: "What's up, Beefid Hasselhoff?"

Rhino: "Well isn't this a nice little beef and greet?"

This is fun for me because I get more jolly belly laughs now than ever before. Which is pretty great.

Alright, I need to get back to my task list seeing as we have exactly 15 days until our launch party and have a gazillion things to do before then. It's gotten so bad that I actually found myself sitting in a meeting at my day job the other day calculating the price differential between two sizes of green pepper packages instead of paying attention to the meeting. And I got called on! Oops! I promise* this only happened one time...

*Fingers crossed. Doesn't count.

Ok folks. Next time we talk, the launch will be just a few short days away. Or already over, depending on.

Eeeks infinity!

~ Katie J

April 20, 2012

And Then This Happened

APRIL 25, 2012

Cloudy With a Chance of Beef

So apparently there is this new thing on the Internet called a cloud. And you can put stuff in this cloud so you and whoever else can get at it from any place in the world. This is great for Bloomy's, even though I don't really get how it works. All I know is that if I put something in the cloud at home, then I can see it when I'm at work.* But I'm always left wondering... what happens to your stuff if the cloud disappears? I'm assured that Internet clouds don't disappear but... it's 2012 everyone and I just want to know that, if the world ends and my cloud is destroyed, I can still somehow get at my Bloomy's events calendar.

_*Calm down. I don't go to my cloud at work. Ever. (Fingers crossed)._

In any case, I can't tell y'all how psyched I am that our launch time has finally arrived. Not because I've spent the last few weeks alternating between one or more of the following afflictions: severe insomnia, whack attacks, snack attacks,* tears of joy and/or pain, and general mental decline...but because I got to take mucho PTO days from work _and_ get to eat lots of Bloomy's roast beef and mac & cheese for the whole rest of my life!

_*Or, better known as "eating my emotions."_

In short, we're officially ready for you beef lovers and are frantically trying to wrap up about one thousand hundred million things before we officially hit the streets tomorrow. However, I have the following fantastic news for everyone:

1. The new and improved Bloomy's website is now large & in charge! Prepare to be slamazed everyone. (What? Did that just happen? I know! It did!) Just so you know, it took me 11 years to put the website together, so please try to be nice when you look at it and don't think mean comments towards me.

2. We've had another last minute housing change for Bloomy1. Aaagh! I can't even bear all the stupid crap storage issues we've already had. Boo! However, we are now housed out of the great city of Saint Paul (or as I like to call it _"_ _Saint Peezy fo Shizzle_ _"_ while wearing a backwards cap and making sideways peace fingers) where we have way more awesomesauce access hours (than our previously lame-o 7:00am-3:00pm M-F)! This means we can spend more time on the streets filling bellies and less time sitting inside a garage being lonely. (Let's please leave out the fact that this last-minute housing change has resulted in a mega debacle with our bank who is now refusing to pay us our loan dollars because the storage facility won't sign one of their dumb documents. We're keeping it positive, people, and crossing our fingers that the bank and the storage a-holes can come to an agreement before we run out of money... which will happen in about 18 hours. See picture below for partial proof.).

Photo Op: Partial proof of rapidly dwindling dollars.

Yes, that obscenely long receipt you see in the picture above is from one stop at the restaurant supply shop. One. (If you cringed and said "whoops" after you saw that receipt, then you and I had the exact same reaction.)

Anyway, we already know in our hearts that the new storage place and the bank won't ever come to an agreement and we'll be forced to move again, but at least we're getting good at the whole transient lifestyle thing. Also, now that we are once again victims of a wonderful yet completely unsupportive and unhelpful "support small businesses however we can" bank policy, I have reverted back to my days of narrowing my eyes and growling at everyone who comes near me. As you can probably imagine, this has caused some performance concerns at work but, no worries, I'm pretty sure* it will pass soon.

*I'm not sure at all. This may be my new personality. I can't tell!

Anyway, moving on.

3. In the true spirit of change, our housing change has also resulted in a change to our commercial kitchen! Although we initially selected Kindred Kitchen as our commercial kitchen due to its proximity to both our storage place and the cookie shop, we are now proud members of the Kitchen in the Market family! Yay! Not only do I adore the Midtown Global Market with all my might, but it's also way closer to Bloomy1's new (albeit temporary) house and is therefore easier to keep her hydrated with fresh water and things. Rolling with the last-minute punches AGAIN for the win!

So for those of you who were able to make it to our "epical" launch party on Saturday (which was supposed to be known as **"The Greatest 2012 Twin Cities Food Truck Sponsor Celebration Event/Launch Party. Ever."** **)** you are aware that this slamazing outdoor event - which was scheduled to take place on a perfectly sunny 70 degree day with all 115 confirmed attendees enjoying multiple activities including face painting, a photo op, seasonally-appropriate games, and (of course) lots of free Bloomy's food while laughing and having a grand time to the sweet sounds of golden oldies in the background - went off without a hitch. Except for the freezing rain, the hail, the bitter, bitter wind, a cashier who didn't show up, a major mac & cheese debacle, and a toaster that proved to be slower than (insert the slowest thing you can imagine here). Yeah. My reaction to this is as follows:

Me (to Universe): SERIOUSLY?! SERIOUSLY?! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!

Universe: No comment.

Me: I HATE YOU, YOU STUPID ASS HAT! THANKS A LOT FOR ALL THE HAIL!

Good thing the fountain from the neighboring lake blew a refreshing mist over our faces and bodies all day because I think it added a nice touch to the already fantastic situation. To make things even warmer, when the Rhino christened Bloomy1 by smashing her bumper with a champagne bottle, the bottle graciously responded by spewing freezing cold champagne all over his legs. This is a positive thing because all he had to do was stand there and let the pouring rain wash the champagne away. It's like it never even happened!

Photo Op: Handsome Rhino and the leg-dripping champagne.

In any case, a big "thank you" and hugs to those of you who braved the nastastic elements and still made an appearance. We hope none of you got pneumonia. Boo.

Anyway, despite a not super great launch party, tomorrow is still the big day when the truck officially hits the streets! We'll be setting up shop in St. Peezy Fo Shizzle (peace fingers) for lunch. Rice Park to be exact. I know, I know. I said we'd be downtown Minneapolis but, in an effort to "ease an already overwhelmed B. into the madness," we tried to choose a slightly quieter spot for our first day. So come on out to Rice Park, eat some beef & experience the culmination of many infinity months of blood, sweat, tears, and a whole lot of cheese! Money cheese, that is.

Also, although we don't have it set out yet due to inclement weather, you will soon be able to take your photo with our Ridiculously Short Photo Op!

Photo Op: Proof of Ridiculously Short Photo Op

By taking your photo with the Ridiculously Short Photo Op, you officially become a Bloomy's Beefatarian! But only if you post it to Facebook. _Because, as everyone knows, it didn't actually happen unless it's posted on Facebook._

Being an official Bloomy's Beefatarian (like vegetarian, but the complete opposite) means that you will be eligible for cool things like coupons and free food and dibs on cool Bloomy's prizes and everything!

Although we're almost more exhausted than excited at this point, we are still very eager to hear what you St. Peezy beef lovers have to say about Bloomy's beef! (Just keep it clean people.)

On a final note, thank you and a big hug to the wonderful anonymous surprise giver who sent me this beautiful bouquet of flowers on Monday. In the Rhino's words, you're "making him look bad" and you'd "better not be a dude." I am currently thoroughly enjoying these flowers behind the Rhino's back.

Alright, the Rhino & I are off to collapse for a bit and work on our magician* skills. Check back soon for more updates on what has become a very whacky world of never-ending work and delicious roast beef!

* _We are both surprisingly good magicians (when it comes to making beers disappear)._

_See you later alligators,_

_~ Katie J_

MAY 6, 2012

Rhino & KJ Enter the Crazy World of Food Trucks: Take One

In case you didn't know, Rhino & I finally launched Bloomy1 just last week! This is quite insane for a few major reasons:

**Recap**  
1. We decided to open a food truck in late June of 2011 despite having minimal (no) real restaurant experience.

2. We closed on our business loan in February of 2012

3. We both kept our full-time day jobs

4. Because our storage place wouldn't sign a dumb "Lessor's Agreement," which is basically just a stupid piece of paper that says the bank can take our stuff and ruin our whole lives if we don't pay our idiot $92/month bill, our bank decided to stop paying us our loan dollars two days before we launched. (After which I cried and growled and swore and stomped my feet and slammed all the doors I could find. Then I opened them and slammed them again.)

5. We launched anyway with fingers crossed and one repeating thought winding its way through our weary minds: "please let this work, please let this work, please oh please...."

6. After a very interesting and educational week, we are still alive and still engaged!

Photo Op: Rhino & me at our pre-launch party test run, which was in Rhino's day job parking lot. #multitasking

I can say with sincere gratitude that the Twin Cities has welcomed Bloomy1 with open arms and a very hungry beef-loving belly. After selling out on our first day after two hours and our second day after 80 minutes, we realized pretty quickly that we just had to make more beef. Like a lot more. So that's exactly what we did!

We are now moving, grooving, and selling approx. 40 to 50 pounds of beef per day. That's 40 to 50 POUNDS of BEEF. A day. This requires that Rhino and I make the trek from Eden Prairie to St. Peezy (fo Shizzle!) every single night at 9:00pm to put this poundage in the oven so that it can roast slowly all night and be perfectly juicy and ready for hungry bellies the next day. This trek is incredibly risky for us because our storage place locks down at 10:00pm and, if we're even one minute behind schedule, we'll get stuck in there for the night. And the place next door has a very prominent Beware of Dog sign. And there are cameras and barbed wire fences everywhere. Is this both scary and annoying? Yes. But we do it because we love you. And because you give us dollars.

Also, since we decided to be completely ridiculous _(Rhino: you mean innovative! Me: Mmm... ridiculous.)_ and build a full kitchen on the truck so that we can do prepping and things on site (which means that you get food that's the freshest of fresh. Like funky fresh. Think Fresh _Prince of Bel Air_ fresh), we've run into a bit of a power budget issue. This is what happens when the equipment you need to run to serve your food uses more power than what you actually have. So if you ever see our manager run out of the truck, scream loudly (on the inside), and fiddle with our 300 pound generator, he is resetting the power breaker thing for the 100,000th time.

Never fear though. RKB* is already masterminding a solution in the form of a Back to the Future-esque capacitor bank thing that can act like a battery and hold some more power for us. And since that doesn't really exist for food trucks right now, or for anything, Rhino is pretty much inventing it himself. Which is pretty dope seeing as I was under the impression that most inventors worked for IBM, Apple, or whatever company thinks up game shows... not Bloomy's Roast Beef! #ifeelspecial

_*RKB: Rhino's true initials. This could stand for Ryan Kirk Bloomstrom or Rhino, King of Beef. Your choice._

If only Bloomy1 could go faster than 60 miles per hour... then we could use the capacitor bank thing to fly into the future and see which stocks are hot so I could buy them all when we return to the present!! Then I could make a pile of dollars in my basement and dive into it like I've always wanted to do! Dangit Bloomy1 and your time travel limitations! Now who knows when I'll be able to dive into my dollar pile. Lame.

Now that we have been open for just over one week, you would think that our lives would have moved from the fast lane to the slightly less fast lane. But no... this is not the case. At all. Between searching for new storage, navigating one point eleven million logistical issues, marketing & networking like crazy, figuring out the power situation, _and_ trying to stay focused on our day jobs, we've also had to watch while our poor manager, B., encountered numerous unlucky oddities during our first week of operation. The ensuing story is worthy of the Freaky Weird Hall of Fame... if such thing exists. Read on and know that (1) I am not making this stuff up and (2) I wish I were. I mean, this whole story is a historically exaggerated work of total and complete fiction. (Please don't sue me.)

**The Bloomy's First Week of Unlucky Oddities**

Day 1: Generator mishap occurs that may or may not include running out of oil like five minutes before the lunch window is scheduled to open. Upon refilling the generator oil tank, B. gets oil spewed all over his person. Think Beverly Hillbillies style. Good thing oil is ridiculously easy to get out of clothes and hair! Not. (Try vinegar! Or Coca Cola!)

Day 2: The Bloomy's truck runs out of both forks and change. So happens a food critic decides to visit the food truck on its second day out on the streets and writes a scathing post about how the food was great but the operations were crap due to the lack of forks and change. Good thing I'd never heard of this food critic person before and he only has 26 followers on Twitter. I decided that I only minded his opinion enough to have a minor whack attack while hiding in my car in the parking lot of my day job. Boo! (I'm starting to believe having a food truck restaurant is a lot more intense than I originally thought it would be. I mean, wasn't the insanely mind-numbing and soul-crushing hard work supposed to end after the thing opened? I guess not! Boooo!)

Day 3: A too-close-for-comfort meeting between B. and the warming lamp results in a fairly red neck burn on B's upper neck area. Thank goodness I selected the jumbo size First Aid kit option, which is comprised mainly of individually wrapped packets of burn cream. Sorry B's neck!! Beware of the heating lamp moving forward!

Day 4: Rhino & I breathe a collective sigh of relief as B. & Bloomy1 make it through the day with no oddities! We are just about to begin a second collective sigh of relief when we learn that while at home, in his yard, B. got bit by a freaking dog. Yep. A dog, people. One that ran away as soon as he committed this felony so that animal control could not find him anywhere. This necessitated an ER trip and rabies vaccination, after which B. found out the dog was his neighbor's and most definitely did not have rabies. Now, I don't know about you, but B. is officially the first adult I have known who has gotten bitten by a dog... aside from the mailman on TV. I figure that B. must have smelled like beef or something, thereby confusing the dog into thinking B.'s leg was a large and juicy beef stick. Which he then attempted to eat. My God.

In any case, the Rhino & I subsequently learned the following life lessons:

1. No matter what happens, it could always be worse.*

2. After a while, in order to protect your sanity, all you can do is shake your head, shrug your shoulders, and laugh (sob uncontrollably).

* _Just ask the guy sitting next to B. in the ER... who had just gotten bit by a bat._

Day 5: In a true test of "What we learned described via #2 above," we have another great and non-eventful day... until Bloomy1 starts heading back to her storage spot that is. Then, something horribly awful happened that caused me to truly believe the Universe is against both Bloomy's and me personally.

The Something Horribly Awful That Happened

B. and our line cook are driving down the road minding their own damn business, and suddenly a jerking feeling comes from the back end area. B. proceeds to gaze out his window to see our freaking tire rolling down the street and passing him by. As in our tire. Our actual tire. It literally fell off and started rolling down the street! What? What?! Seriously? Did that seriously just happen on our fifth day of operation? (Insert mucho Katie J llama faces here.) WTF Universe?! Seriously. WTF.

WTF?!?!

Anyway, what ended up happening was that our just oil-spilled-on, just-neck-burned, just-dog-bitten rabies vaccinated manager had to run down the street to retrieve our tire, which had rolled several blocks by that time and eventually came to a stop in a ditch or something like that.

Before you think I had the same reaction as I had to the bank cutting off our dollars, let me assure you that I'm getting better at not doing that. Most days. (But not this one.)

Anyway, because the Rhino is the Rhino and I am me, we've decided to deal with our business oddities by engaging in an **incredibly serious** **Bloomy1 energy cleansing ceremony.** Without going into details and scaring everyone away by our weirdness, just know that this incredibly serious energy cleansing ceremony included more sage burning, a lucky dragon tortoise, and tons of positive vibrations.

Now that Bloomy1 is fixed up with a new tire and bursting with good vibrations, we're ready to head back out on the road tomorrow! With no more oil incidents, burns, dog bites, mechanical issues, or other such mishaps. All we do from here on out is sell some amazeballs* beef and keep everyone super full & happy. Cross your fingers for us and, if you're in the vicinity of downtown Minneapolis tomorrow (Monday), come and get some beef for crying out loud!

_*Amazing + balls._

In other news, I've suddenly realized that there are a few (many) things in my life that have changed slightly (drastically) since we launched Bloomy1 last week. If you would like some examples of these changes, please keep reading:

#1: My key chain has gone from weighing 1 oz to weighing 16 pounds. And I can never find the right key for anything, which means going out to the locked mailbox to get the mail takes approx. 9x longer than it used to _(Rhino: Why don't you just label your keys like I did? Me: MAYBE I DID AND THE INK RUBBED OFF!*)._ On the plus side, my key arm is getting really strong and noticeably more toned.

_*I definitely did not do this._

#2: I have developed a very serious affliction that causes me to immediately fall asleep whenever and wherever I sit down post 9:00pm. This includes: on a couch, in a chair, in a vehicle of any kind, even if I am driving and sitting at a stoplight. This is very dangerous and I do not recommend it at all. Plus, if my head is anywhere near Rhino's shoulder, you might as well fuggedaboudid. Once I snuggle into my Rhino-shoulder-snoozing-spot, I'm a long goner. YES! I have finally perfected the art of sleeping anywhere, and it is everything I thought it could be!! Rhino takes advantage of this by placing bets on what time I will fall asleep and making me pay him with certain types of bedroom favors. I believe this is an illegal form of indentured slavery and threaten to call immigration on him, but then I get too tired and fall asleep.

#3: Every time I see a large office building (which is a lot), I now experience the following thought process: "I wonder how many people who work in that building like roast beef? I would guess... 1,000. Let's go there! Wait, we can only serve 150 people right now. Dangit Bloomy1 and your super slow cooking that takes forever!" This takes up a lot of time and also contributes to distracted driving which, when coupled with sleeping-at-stoplights makes me only want to drive never.

#4: Since we now work 500 thousand hours per day, Rhino & I have gone from eating majestic meals filled with home-cooked goodness to eating whatever we can find that resembles food. This may or may not include: cold chicken, canned beans, string cheese, carrot sticks, and anything we can steal from Bloomy1 when B. isn't looking. Yesterday, my lunch was bagel chips and peach-flavored gummy rings. Mmm... bagels.

#5: My attention span has been reduced cajillion-fold. I now believe it to be around four seconds, but I can't pay attention long enough to actually count it. This causes me to get so mixed up with what I am working on that I do things like sync up Rhino's ipod but forget partway through and think it's mine. So he eventually winds up listening to a unique compilation of Bob Marley, Randy Travis, Snoop Dog... and Britney Spears/Mama Mia soundtracks. Oops. This has also resulted in other such unfortunate things like forgetting to put the drip pan in the Bloomy's oven before cooking the beef and waking up to a complete and utter invasion of beef juice everywhere. Oops (again).

#6: We have mowed our lawn exactly one time in the whole year of 2012. Now, we have procrastinated far too long and the grass is up over my knees and going to seed. We might need to rent a piece of farm equipment to get the job done or just ignore it and pretend we live in the middle of a prairie or corn field. At least it will give us a good place to hide in case of attackers!

You might be thinking – dang, that sucks lady! Yes, BUT we are forgetting that it is all worth it a thousand times over because Bloomy1 is out there selling all the beef we can make... and every time I think about that I feel like the craziest and luckiest lady in the land. With my equally crazy, equally lucky partner in crime by my side. Wow... is it just me or did this blog just take a horrible romantic dramedy turn? Never again...

So wish us good cheer as we embark on week #2. And, for heaven's sake, go eat some beef. EAT IT!

~ Katie J

MAY 20, 2012

You Are the Beef Beneath My Wings

Once upon a time, there lived a Swedish/Dutch/German/Irish lass who dreamt of one day becoming a cashier. Or Nancy Drew. Or both! This lass spent most of her days avoiding chores, collecting dollars in her faux cash register, and searching for mysteries that needed sleuthing.

Approximately 16 years later, after ultimately achieving half of her dream (the cashier half), this lass met a fiery young lad who took her to a fancy restaurant for some steak. They had such a great time that the lad gave his new lady a gift of salsa, and the salsa was so delicious that she moved in with him straight away.

These peeps eventually decided to have a new dream. A dream filled with roast beef and food trucks. That dream came true and now they are too busy working to have dreams at all. Just teasing! (Not really.) Everything is great! (Not really.)

If you caught the last blog, you know that our first few days as official on-the-road food truckers were both mentally stimulating and whack attack inducing, simultaneously. But, after navigating through such oddities as neck burns, oil spills, dog bites, runaway wheels, et cetera, et cetera, we've finally made it out of the bad-news-bears tunnel with our livelihoods intact! Now, I look back at that scary tunnel of doom and think to myself, "Dang. I'm so glad I didn't know about that tunnel until it was too late, because I definitely would have not gone in there at all, ever. Ever."

It's all fine though, because we've found our good fortune groove again and things couldn't be going better. Even B. has seen a very timely uptick in his luck that has included (so far): winning a Wii off a $1 movie theater arcade game AND winning $160 after playing $10 in pull tabs!! Coincidence? I think not! Thank you sage and lucky dragon tortoises!

Now, our biggest issue (besides the storage issue – which we are this close to solving, and the power issue – which we are not close at all to solving) is figuring out how to cook more beef. Like, a lot more. We are now serving an estimated 70 pounds of beef a day, and we still sell out in less than two hours. 70 POUNDS. That is 70 percent of my body weight. In beef. A day. WHAT?! How is that even possible? I'll tell you how. It's called downtown Minneapolis and your humongo-sized beef loving appetites. I've never seen anything like it in my 29.92 years of life. In fact, this can only mean one thing: We heart you Minneapolis! Infinity! Thanks for eating all of our beef! (Saint Peezy fo Shizzle (peace fingers)... we like you too but you've got nothing on your beefy sister city. Yet. Good thing there's plenty of time to get your beef groove on before the winter hits!)

In Bloomyland side note fashion....

Because he loves me with his whole heart – and because he felt so bad for me after my goldfish, Penelope (pronounced Peen-ah-lope), croaked last weekend and was subsequently buried down my toilet – Rhino finally gave me permission to get a cat! I was so excited because I have wanted a cat for sooo long. Like at least two months. _At least_. So, just fourish days after he told me I could procure* a pet, the Rhino & I are proud owners of a cat called T.

_*Procure (verb): A very fancy grown-up intelligent way of saying "get."_

No, we did not name him T (it was his name already) and, no, I will not tell you what T is short for (it's short for Tigger). Penelope who? Is it weird that I'm afraid to use the toilet now? I keep thinking that I'll look down and Penelope will be there again with her bloated face and lips and I'll feel so bad, even though she ended up being a demon cannibal goldfish who ate away at the Rhino's goldfish, Belly, until Belly died from fish cannibalism. Rhino said it was because goldfish are dirty creatures and our tank was too small, but I think it's because Penelope was a big huge asshole who wanted the tank all to herself. Talk about selfish! (Haha, get it? Selfish. Just me? Okay...moving on.)

I know that people either love cats or hate them, so don't you worry. I won't turn into a crazy cat person who starts talking about cats all the time. I promise.

So... let's talk more about T okay? The other day, he did the cutest thing in the entire world! No one has ever seen anything so cute before! OMG, it was just the cutest damn thing I've ever seen. Let me show you some pictures that I took... I only took like 57 of them. And they are just the most precious pictures...

Just joshing!

Ok, let's get back to the story. Where was I?

So, right. We're trying to figure out how to increase the amount of delicious beef we can serve. I've learned (via the Rhino, obvi) that the easiest way to do this is to procure (yes...) another oven. A 110 volt oven to be exact, not a monster 220 volt like the other oven we have now but can't use due to the limited power budget and our dumb idiot storage set up where we have to rent a power plug-in from the place across the street and then, when we blow the fuse (which happens every single day), we have to go over there and beg someone to reset the breaker for us. The lady at the front desk hates me so much by now that she doesn't even answer my phone calls. And once she even hung up on me.

Anyway, before we get the oven, we have to wait until one of the following things happens: (1) Bloomy1 makes enough funds for the oven purchase, or (2) our bank finds pity on us and turns on our loan dollars again,* or (3) we sell our 220v oven and use the dollars for a 110v. And since #1 will take too long and there is no way in the world that #2 is going to happen, we're left with door #3. So if anyone wants to purchase a 220v slow cooker Alto Sham, please let me know ASAP! It will look great in your kitchen, I promise.

_*If you hadn't heard from all the times I've already said it, our bank shut off our loan dollars just two days before we launched because our idiot storage place won't sign some stupid lamesausage agreement even though they told us they would. LIARS! Rhino enjoys lightening up the situation by pretending he's a surfer and saying things like:_ _"Brah, it's $92 a month brah. Brah."_

In final Bloomy news, we're excited to announce that our first event is next weekend!! Yay!! We're attending the St. Paul Monster Food Truck Rally, which is a fantastic-sounding dinnerland rally taking place on the field after the St. Paul Saints game next Sunday! I don't know about you, but I have never been out on an actual baseball field before, so I'm super excited and feel very special. So come to the game (it's pleasantly affordable and fun for the whole family!) and stay to eat dinner from your favorite food truck on the field afterwards! And by favorite food truck, I mean Bloomy's! And if anyone cheats on Bloomy's by patroning a different truck, please just don't let us see you. Not that we know what you look like, but still.

Now... how to feed approx. 200 peeps that day? Um... stay tuned to see how we (the Rhino) figure out how to do that.

Ok, we're off to begin our Sunday funday truck cleaning marathon. If you see our manager today, make sure to wish him a Very Happy Birthday!! He is 35 today, which makes him even greater and wiser and than he was just yesterday when he was still 34.

Catch you next time!

~ Katie J

JUNE 10, 2012

Dear Mr. Fanman

Since I'm certain everyone is dying to know how Bloomy's first ever event went over Memorial Day weekend, I will tell you post haste!

After mucho research amongst other things, the Rhino & I decided that Bloomy's first ever event would be the MONSTER Food Truck Rally! Raar! This Rally took place the Sunday* of Memorial Day weekend at Midway Stadium following the St. Paul Saints baseball game.

_*Also known as the hottest day in the history of all of history._

The Rhino and I decided to have some fun for once and actually go to the game instead of just saying things like "we should probably do something...or not" while collapsing on the couch and half sleeping per usual. Plus, we figured that going to the game would ensure that we could have primo seats so we could watch Bloomy1 make her grand entrance on the field!

Here is a 100 percent accurate description of the MONSTER Food Truck Rally (Raar!) and the moments immediately preceding.

3:05pm: Rhino & I arrive at the Saints Game and, shortly after sitting down directly underneath the 1,000 degree sun, I immediately realize that I forgot sunscreen. As it was my New Year's resolution (that I didn't start until last month) to be a shining vision of both positivity and optimism at all times, I say to myself, "Dangit! This is definitely a problem." I mean, "Wonderful! This is definitely NOT a problem." I only have translucent skin that never ever burns. Except for when I'm outside. Or inside by a window. Or near a lamp...

3:09pm: The back of my neck is burned to a blistering crisp and it's only been four minutes! Dangit! In an attempt to be resourceful while retaining my optimistic positivity, I decide to solve this problem by partially covering up my neck with my ponytail, which I fashioned into a super effective sun-blocking hair fan. This hair fan hairstyle is sure to be featured in the next edition of Italian Vogue and/or on America's Next Top Model, and I was fairly confident that I looked both very dece and ultra hip.

5:30pm: The game is tied 5-5. I am almost too busy fighting off sunburn to notice the storm clouds on the horizon. But I did notice them, and it makes me start to cry on the inside. Rhino assures me that the storm clouds are going to avoid us and pass us by in a minute. I am pretty sure he also says something about East* and front and pressure, but since I'm busy with the sunburn I really wouldn't bet my bottom dollar on it.

_*Rhino comment: "It was actually West, but that's funny cuz it shows how little you were actually listening to me."_

5:31pm: One minute has passed. I assure the Rhino that "The storm clouds are still there! Boo hiss!"

5:32pm: The game is still tied even though it's been a two whole minutes. I decide to help things along by giving helpful tips to the batters under my breath, like "Swing already you jerko!" and "It's called a ball because you're supposed to HIT IT, you jerko!" This makes the Rhino pretend that he doesn't know me anymore. We pray for a swift finale so we can enjoy the start of the MONSTER Food Truck Rally* before the storm clouds overtake the world and make our blue eyes very blue.

_*Raar!_

5:55pm: The game is still going. My hair fan is so hot that it has nearly melted into my neck burn. I pray that someone scores, anyone. I don't even care which team. Rhino boos me. We are nearly about to die from the heat and the storm clouds and the stress. And then... something amazing happens!

5:55.5pm: A savior has appeared! It's The Fanman, with his majestic water fan! He comes by and sprays my neck so that it's all chilly and good and I feel all aligned with my goals and rejuvenated. I want to marry him. He is already married.

6:05pm: The game ends Praise Jebus! We win! And it's not even raining as the trucks begin to enter the field! In fact, the East front pressure something is holding all the clouds at bay, just as the Rhino said it would! The world is so grand and filled with amazing things!

6:10pm: LOOK AT OUR LINE! LOOK AT IT!

Photo Op: Proof of actual line and actual people eating actual Bloomy's food!

Did you look at the line? And, guess what. This pic was taken approx. 1/2 of the way down the line which means there was 1/2 of the line behind us! And we'd already served some peeps too! Why was I standing in line at my own truck you might ask? Because (1) that's how I roll,* and (2) because I was chatting with my pal and fellow sleuthing specialist who was there with her super cute fam and being generally supportive and awesome.

_*Incognito.  
_

In any case, I celebrated this very long line by dancing a little jig and giving the Rhino two very big thumbs up. He pretended he didn't know me again (I figure this is either due to the jig dancing or my new yet undying affection for The Fanman), but I was so overjoyed that I hardly noticed.

6:11-6:59pm: We enjoy a grand time of meeting & greeting, laughing & thumbs-upping, and surreptitiously* watching the storm clouds. Rhino unsuccessfully attempts to get folks to take their pictures with our Ridiculously Short Photo Op while I laugh and say, "Oh that Rhino."

_*Yeah. That's right. I know lots of words, guys._

And then...

7:00pm: The party ends abruptly as the sky opens and starts dumping rain on us. And hail. Yes. HAIL. It's hailing on our event day! In freaking June! Nooooo!

7:05pm: Everyone is gone, and I am sad. Rhino & I decide to begin eating our emotions effective immediately, so we share a slamazing sando from our fellow food trucker, Messy G, and some cheese curd gravy like tots from our other fellow food trucker, the Tot Boss.

We then head home and proceed to drown our sorrows with the help of this nacho kingdom:

Before:

After (as in, after 10 minutes):

(As you can tell, we save our dishes for company.)

Do I admit to eating at least a small* portion of this nacho kingdom with my fingers? No, but I also don't admit to liking the show Mama Mia. (But the DVD movie starring Meryl Streep and former-James Bond comes with sing-along options!)

*All of it.

In any case, we would rate our first event as a wonderful tomato (with respect to company) and an unfortunate half tomato splat (with respect to sales), but that's what stupid Minnesota weather will do to a food truck. Don't worry though, despite the weather mini-incident, we actually had a ton of fun. We even got to meet a longtime Bloomy's friend and his lovely daughter! If you remember from way back in the day, this is the same dude who sent us his purple coleslaw recipe that we now use on the truck, so I definitely felt like I was meeting pre-throwdown Bobby Flay or Guy Fieri before he found hair dye and backwards sunglasses. It was really very great and exciting.

Also, the Rhino felt so bad that no one wanted to take their photo with our Ridiculously Short Photo Op, so I made sure this happened:

Moving on to other news.

Something truly blogworthy happened last weekend. Something so blogworthy, in fact, that I hardly even believed that it happened until it happened!

Here it is, in all its wonderful glory:

The Rhino and I had a night off.

And then we had another night off.

IN A ROW.

And then we slept in until 9:00am and ate breakfast together _while sitting down_.

And then, when we were done having two nights off in a row and sleeping in till 9:00am and eating breakfast together _while sitting down_ , we looked at each other, smiled, and started to laugh a mutually jolly laugh.

Here's a recap of our reaction to having actual minutes of free time again for the first time in over a year:

Rhino: "Wow..."

KJ: "Um... what just happened? Is it over?"

Rhino: "I don't even know what to do right now. What do I do?"

KJ: "Vacuum your Jeep! Clean the house! Spray the vile baby maple trees that have invaded our lawn again!"

Rhino: "SHHHHHHHHH!!!! Just be quiet for a minute."

KJ: "Ok, I'm going to attempt to read this magazine..."

Rhino: "SHHH..."

KJ: "...cuz remember the last time I tried to read something, and I couldn't even do it?"

Rhino: (No comment)

KJ: (Three second pause)

KJ: "Look! I can focus long enough to read a sentence again! It's a Christmas* miracle!"

Rhino: "Aaagh!"

_*Sorry, holiday. It's a_ _holiday_ _miracle. Calm down._

We were so happy that we decided to give a Bloomy's-has-launched-and-we're-still-ticking-life-reclamation-acceptance speech:

**The Bloomy's Has Launched And We're Still Ticking Life Reclamation Acceptance Speech:**

Thank you to everyone who made this day possible. Thank you to our parents, for not letting us listen to scandalous music like Madonna and NWA that you feared might corrupt our brains and turn us into criminals. Thank you to our Kickstarter backers, who either supported a dream or gave into peer pressure, or both. Thank you to our friends, who didn't get mad at us for canceling plans last minute 1,000+ times, or forgetting to return phone calls, or for calling you by the wrong name, or et cetera. Thank you to our day-job bosses who didn't get too mad at us for becoming zombie-like versions of our former selves. And thank you to our slamazing manager B., who took over doing the beef preppings so we don't have to drive to St. Paul every night anymore! You saved our lives and mental health, all of you!

I am so filled with happiness at having my life back that I now spend my time doing magical, easygoing, free-spirited things like going in the out door at Home Depot or laughing instead of having a mild whack attack when someone mistakes Rhino's email address for "blowmyroastbeef.com" instead of bloomysroastbeef.com. Yeah, read that again carefully. True story.

In any case, now that we've successfully navigated our first event and enjoyed some much needed R&R, the Rhino and I put our game hats back on. Y'all know what that means! Roast Beef Domination is back in full effect. No biggie.

~ Katie J

June 30, 2012

Some* Pictures of Sandos for You To Look At

*Two.

"The Jessica" = Roast Beef, Coleslaw, Jalapenos, BBQ Sauce, Cheese

"The George Michael" = Roast Beef, Tots, Beer Cheese Sauce. A.k.a. THE BEST SANDO EVER MADE BY ANYONE AT ANYTIME EVER!

One Other Picture for You to Look At

Photo Op: Bloomy's Chili complete with slow roasted top sirloin and mounds and mounds of gooey cheese awesomeness.

JULY 17, 2012

Bloomy Behind Bars

First of all, let me say that I've had this blog ready to go for at least two weeks. Probably more. But seeing as I suffer from a deep fear of jinxes,* I just had to wait until everything was done & done before I made it public and therefore official.

_*A fear that is remedied only with copious amounts of wine. By copious, I mean a lot. A LOT._

Since I haven't posted anything in an infinity long time, there is obvi a ridiculous amount of info to cover. I'll most likely forget half the stuff that's happened, but that's okay. I've started playing Sudoku in an effort to avoid general cognitive decline and that's going well so far. I mean, I'm up to level medium already and everything.

In any case, I figured that everyone must be missing my tales (which are always true and some-times exaggerated). So without further ado.... I give you:

**The Tale of Finding ANOTHER New Home for Bloomy1**

Once upon a time, I was sitting at the kitchen table fully engaged in filling out endless amounts of paperworks per usual and completely minding my own damn business when the Rhino burst in the door, startling me until my bones hurt and my jaw muscles stress-locked so I couldn't open up my face anymore.

"I have some simply stellar news!" Rhino said.* "I found us a storage spot!" To which I replied, "Ssshhh! I'm paperworking! I mean, really? What? When? How? What gives? TELL ME EVERYTHING!"

*He didn't actually say this part.

As you may recall, a couple of months ago, the property manager at our last storage facility (a.k.a. one of the most lamesausaged and dark-souled persons I've ever recently met) called me up and informed me that he absolutely refused to sign an agreement that our SBA loan required (even though he said he would before we signed the contract with him). This caused a temporary termination in our bank's loan payments to us. In other words, we were just days from launching our business and learned that we were suddenly "on our own" dollar-wise.

You'd think that this would be really freaking scary, almost unbearably stressful, and/or completely gut wrenching but ... well, it totally was. I felt like I was a trust fund baby who suddenly had her trust fund drained by her two-time loser boyfriend who then escaped to Bali and left her penniless and destitute OR like some lady who marries a millionaire dude only to find out later that all his money was in the stock market and therefore lost forever. Put together!

Long story short (leaving out all the parts where I sobbed & sobbed, sat on my tantrum stool in my tantrum corner, and threw several new types of whack attacks just to keep Rhino on his toes) we were eventually given 60 days* to find a new storage facility (under penalty of a very severe.... penalty that I'd prefer to gloss over due to the fear of jinxes... uh- where's the wine?).

_*The 60 days began on May 2, which made our deadline July 2. Seeing as we finally moved into a new place on June 30, I think we should forevermore call this life chapter: That Time We Cut it Really Really Ridiculously Close for the Win!_

After learning about this debacle and the bank's willingness to help us out however possible (NOT), we immediately undertook the extensive process of warehouse-searching, property manager stalking, Craig's List obsessing, and otherwise deviant behavioring in an attempt to procure storage posthaste!

Back to the tale.

When the Rhino burst into our house that slamazing day, proclaiming to have found yet another new home for Bloomy1 (our fourth home in about as many months), my heart nearly leapt out of my chest! "This is incredible!" I thought to myself. "We found storage just in the nick of time! Life is so grand and filled with both wonderful and not wonderful surprises! And I navigate both types of surprises with ease!"

And then...

As the Rhino started talking about how balls this new place was, I had an intuitive feeling that he was leaving out something relatively important. I had recently read a book on intuition and therefore felt that I was an expert on the subject. In order to successfully navigate the situation, I raised my voice and called him several useful names, such as "you secret keeping so-and-so!" Because I yelled and he was either annoyed or scared, Rhino proceed to explain to me the whole story.

My favorite part of his story was learning where the storage space was located: in a former Adult Detention Center.

Yes, you heard me right people. Adult. Detention. Center. That's a nice term for prison, you know. I eventually saw this prison with my own eyes and even stood in what used to be the communal showers but is now just a bunch of creepy shower gadgets and some drain holes. Why did I stand there for so long imagining former law breakers and how they all had to share the sad communal shower area? I don't really know... but I'm sure that the spirits of the former law breakers might have had something to do with it.

So, in short, after hours and hours which turned into weeks upon weeks of begging and pleading and calling every warehouse owner with a big enough door from Canada to Wisconsin WE FINALLY HAVE A NEW HOME!!!

Here is the part where I burst into song! And publicly curse our former lamesauce property manager! YOU ASS HAT! Good thing this is America and people can curse their fellow humans all the time with no ramifications. And because I never name names and/or change all the names, no one can get mad or offended or sue me for breaking the law! HaHa! I love you America!

On the even more plus side, Rhino and I now have access to our loan dollars again* which means that we can do super balls things such as:

1. Get a second generator!

2. Pay some bills and taxes!

3. Pay more taxes.

4. Oh the taxes....

_*Oh happy day!!! Oh happy day!!! Oh thank you (insert preferred spirit/deity/celebrity icon here)!! Did I have to run to the restroom at work, cry tears of total joy/relief in the handicapped stall, and later blame my red puffy face on random summer allergies that I don't have? Yes, yes I did. I AM NOT ASHAMED!_

In any case, although we will be living in an abandoned prison, I mean detention center, we are super psyched to have a home to call our own! Even though it is an abandoned prison. I mean detention center.

Moving on.

So this abandoned er- detention center that we've moved into has several super big pluses:

1. It has a 13 foot door so our monster beast of a truck (that I can't even reach the pedals on b/c my legs are too short) fits into! Yay!

b. It's indoors so the fridge won't freak out (see pics of proof of this happening) and die when it gets to be 1,000 degrees outside. Yay!

Proof of Fridge Freaking Out

So this is what the inside guts part of our fridge is supposed to look like:

Photo Op: Fridge Before

And this is what ours _actually_ looked like:

Photo Op: Fridge After

No worries. It's only one million degrees out and uncooked beef does really great in super hot temperatures! Did it take two repairmen and three days to fix the problem? You bet it did.

Anyway, back to the list:

c. Our designated space is over 550 square feet* and in a perfect location somewhere either east or west of the Mississippi! The best river! I mean... everyone is equal. Yayyy!

_*That's bigger than my first apartment! I could live there if needed!_

And the only negative is that if you walk around with the lights off you could find yourself either lost or in an empty cell. Eeeks! DON'T LET THE DOOR CLOSE BEHIND YOU!!

In any case, thank you to those of you who made this possible and thank you to one wonderful gentleman in particular for both giving us the best new home imaginable and, in all seriousness, saving our beefy business. I would NOT like to thank our former storage manager (ass hat) or the bank for their overall non-support of small local business.

And they all lived happily ever after. Theee End.

In other play-with-your-emotions news:

The Thursday before last, Bloomy1 experienced her **B** est **D** ay **E** ver (up until that point anyway, yesss...), serving boatloads of hungry beef-eaters and selling out of literally everything down to the last dessert! Rhino and I were so excited and thrilled when we learned of this fact that we both immediately commenced a separate-yet-simultaneous victory jig in our respective office (Rhino) slash cubicle (me) that we inhabit 45+ hours per week. _I later applauded myself for nearly getting caught dancing by a passerby coworker, but pretending to wipe a bug off my arm at the last second._

Photo Op: Bloomy1's lunchtime line on her historic Best Day Ever

Approximately less than two hours later, my phone rings. Please brace and prepare yourself emotionally for the conversation that comes next*:

_*It is important to note that this conversation happened about 12 hours after we picked up Bloomy1 from the shop where it got a new fuel injector that cost approx. 400 roast beef sandwiches._

_In any case, the conversation:_

Phone: "RING!"

KJ: "Whoa, my ring is so loud! I wonder how that happened..."

Phone: "RIIING!"

KJ: "How do you turn this thing down... uh, whatever. Holler!"

Rhino: "Hi, um... so did you –"

KJ: "Hey homey, s'up?"

Rhino: "Hi, um... (as I hear sounds of rushing traffic behind him when he's supposed to be at work) so did you ever add that towing coverage to our insurance policy?"

This is the point where my heart went from Cloud 9 to Cloud minus 100 and got a whole ocean of sorrows dumped on it tsunami-style.

KJ: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!"

Rhino: (Pause) "No you're sad or no you didn't add the towing coverage?"

KJ: (No comment)

Rhino: "Don't freak out..."

KJ: (No comment)

Rhino: "It's going to be okay."

KJ: (No comment)

Rhino: "Really, you can't freak out right now."

KJ: (Bursts into tears.)

Rhino: "Please tell me you added it."

I managed to inform the Rhino between sobbings that I did indeed add the towing coverage, and he managed to inform me between my sobbings that our freaking wheel had fallen off again. FOR THE SECOND TIME!

Four phone calls, thirty minutes, several* more tears, and 11 (yes, 11) transfers later, I finally did NOT get a straight answer from our very unhelpful insurance company regarding the proper towing protocols to ensure both coverage and reimbursement. After vowing to find a new more competent insurance company like yesterday, we proceeded with our 40 sando tow job of which I've included a pic for your viewing displeasure here:

_*Or... a lot. A LOT._

Photo Op: Bloomy1 noooooo!

In any case, before you wonder if the tires-falling-off situation is going to be an ongoing recurring issue, allow me to reassure you that we did spend the 62 cents to purchase some neon yellow and not-noticeable-at-all plastic tab thingies to put over the lug nuts so we can see if they start to come loose before the tire actually falls of. Which we should have done after the first time. But didn't*.

_*This life chapter is forevermore called "The Time We Learned That Difficult and Spendy Life Lesson."  
_

Throw in my 30th birthday (I'm officially a grown-up! BOOO! I mean... grownups rule! Jobs! Bills! Yayyy!) and Rhino's annual non-Canadian Canadian fishing trip, and here we are.

_Side note:_ _Apparently the fierce love of show tunes that I had when I was ages 12-16 but forced into hiding when I learned it wasn't "fly" is back with a vengeance. I now spend my days humming Barbara Streisand songs and saying things like, "So what if I like Barbara Streisand. Who cares? I'm a confident 30-year-old woman who likes show tunes and Barbara Streisand. I don't care what people think about me or if they say mean comments towards me. Whatever. Where's the wine?" Memory... all alone in the moonlight...._

Anyway, there you go. The last month in its near-entirety. Oh, I forgot about this!

 Friday Food Truck Feature – WCCO

Woot woot! Bloomy's in the news again! Good thing that picture of Rhino & me is at an acceptable distance so you can't see the bangs plastered to my forehead (it was 1,000 degrees again) or the very odd thing that happens to make my face flat and one-dimensional in all photographs ever invented. Is being un-photogenic genetic? If so, I'm really sorry in advance to my potential future children. And I'm also really very sorry for the large forehead (or five...point five head) you may or may not inherit from me.

In conclusion, to whoever Rp is ... I read the nice comment you left on our article as well as the comments you left on the other articles you've obviously read in mucho detail. Since it seems that you enjoy reading and being educated and having opinions on lots of different types of things, I have a motivational book recommendation for you: A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted

You're welcome.

However, since we take customer feedback very seriously and you are obviously very upset about the "too much" bread situation, we are testing smaller bread options post haste. Hugs to you Rp! And to Richard, who is apparently our manager according to the article, even though I don't know anyone named Richard except Ryan's cousin who lives in Wisconsin.

Until next time...

Stay hungry fellow beef lovers.

~ Katie J

AUGUST 13, 2012

" **The Road Not Traveled" by Katie J**

Before we begin, let me let you know that I wrote this on Saturday but, due to severe busy-ness/procrastination, didn't post it until today. So remember, the below takes place on Saturday.

Today (remember...I mean Saturday), I decided to do something completely awesomesausage. I decided to go back and read the last year's worth of Bloomy's blogs. I figured, "Why not? Seems like a grand idea to revisit all the crapholio situations the Rhino and I have successfully navigated since deciding to open a food truck restaurant despite having no restaurant experience whatsoever." Plus, I had the house to myself because the Rhino was out celebrating Papa Kirk's recent birthday. I required myself to stay home because of a long and critical to-do list which included driving to the ghetto for the cheapest pair of nerd-glasses I could find ($50) so that I could wear them as mandated by the stupid three-day pre-Lasik consultation no-contact-lenses-allowed rule, and I was attempting to think of a topic for the latest blog anyway.

After brainstorming and discarding like 1,000 ideas (roast beef again!, the horrors of rustic camping!, the lack of differences between Elijah Wood and Harry Potter!), I got frustrated and wondered what sorts of things I used to talk about in the blog. So I went back to the very beginning, the early days as I like to call them, and began a wonderful journey down memory lane.

And here are some things I discovered:

The Things I Discovered While Traveling Down Memory Lane

Based on a true story.

#1. Did you know that it's been nearly 15 months since the Rhino and I seriously started this little project of ours? (Ha! Haha! Little...that's the funniest and most ridiculous understatement I've ever heard of.) I say "seriously" because, before the serious conversations, our business-related talks went mainly like this:

(First, allow me to set the scene of how our lives used to be before we had Bloomy's.)

Rhino and I have gotten home from work. We are sitting on the porch, feeling the cool breeze drift in from the open windows, catching hints of very good smells from our flower gardens, listening to the purple finches singing, and watching big puffy clouds move lazily across the sky. The sun hangs heavy on the horizon and everything is tinted a soft shade of gold. Rhino & I have changed into our comfy after-work clothes and are sipping wine from our magical bottomless wine glasses that we got at Target. I prop my feet up on a cushiony foot stool and sigh out the day...

I hope I have set the scene so appropriately that you read it and thought to yourselves: "THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE BEST TIME EVER!" Because it really was. It really was the Best. Time. Ever.

Don't cry for me too hard though... the truth is –

Having a food truck is really super dope (sometimes) and takes up all the boring free time we used to have. And we still have the porch, and the magical bottomless wine glasses that we got at Target. We just don't use them anymore.

Okay, let's bring it on back. I was reminiscing about the pre-serious business conversations Rhino & I used to have while on the porch after work. For example:

Rhino: "Me & the boys went to Wally's for lunch today."

KJ: "Hmmm? Oh, sorry. I was daydreaming about opening a yoga studio in Costa Rica and hanging out with Jack Johnson and singing songs together and things. He could teach me how to play the guitar and you could roast us all some hot dogs over the campfires we'll build on the beach!"

Rhino: "Mmm, nice. I was saying that me & the boys went to Wally's for lunch today."

KJ: "I really need to go there sometime. BTW, it's "the boys and I."

Rhino: "It's what?"

KJ: "Never mind." Long dreamy pause.

Rhino: "We could really do that you know."

KJ: "Hmmm...I mean, what?"

Rhino: "Are you listening?"

KJ: "Hmmm...."

KJ (cont.): "I mean, yes. Yes, I am listening."

Rhino: "I was saying that we could really do that."

KJ: "Open a yoga studio in Costa Rica and hang out with Jack Johnson and sing together? Did you like the idea about the hot dogs?"

Rhino: "No! Aaagh!"

KJ: "Ohhh, you mean go to Wally's together. Yes please! How's tomorrow for you?"

Rhino: "No! Open a Wally's of our own. Duh!"

KJ: "Ohh. Definitely! That sounds like it would be super fun and not a lot of work at all!"

Rhino: "I might start thinking about talking to the owner about a franchise."

KJ: "Hmm...that sounds like a superb plan. Could we still go to Costa Rica sometime though and see about the studio and the singing and things?"

Rhino: "Um... we'll see."

And then, after we were done being confused, we would go back to talking about more important things. Like the lures Rhino got from his latest Gander Mountain excursion or the newest hair-thickening hair product I was trying out (damn you Ulta and your consumer-friendly kiosks!).

Holy crap. Has it really been 15 months since we decided to actually do something with our lives instead of relaxing and being awesome all the time? How does that feel like it was 15 years ago and 15 days ago simultaneously? HAVE I LOST MY SENSE OF TIME?

#2. Did you know that, before Bloomy's, our only experience with start-up businesses came from my "nameless yet totally legit pet-sitting service" that I started with my friend Leah when we were eight and also from Rhino's Green Thumb lawn care service that he started with his friend Ron when they were 16? I am not sure how many customers Rhino and Ron had, but Leah and I had one customer. And he gave us $5.00. EACH! Then, after all the success with the business, Leah and I moved on to more interesting and fulfilling work – such as making tree stump soup served with acorns and leaf garnishment and drawing up blueprints for the houses* we were going to build next to each other when we were grown up.

*Complete with themed rooms and secret passages and slides instead of stairs and a dungeon in case of burglars! I still want this house!

But now, decades later, Rhino & I have given business a second go. Obvi. And I'm excited to share that Bloomy's has had at least 100 times the number of customers that Leah and I did. Breathtaking!

#3. Did you know that, after all this time and all the hours and sacrifices and dollars and whack attacks and snack attacks and wheels falling off and refrigerators being left open and things breaking like every single day... well, we're still alive and in relatively good form not to mention! I'm very proud of this, guys, because it's all the balls when your three-month-old company gets asked to cater an event for a former President. (A good one!)

Yes, you heard me correctly. Bloomy's was asked to cater an event for a former President!

No biggie... no biggie... no biggie!!

SUPER EPIC BIGGIE!!

Want to know how that made me feel? Well, read on because I'm about to tell you.

First, please allow me to set the scene.

Do you remember in the tale of How the Grinch Stole Christmas when the Grinch spends most of his time being evil and sad and steals all the presents due to his smallish heart and then, at the end (SPOILER ALERT!) Lou Lou Who reminds Whoville that they still have Christmas Spirit despite the not having any presents issue, and their unified singing makes the Grinch's heart swell three sizes bigger?

Well, that's how my heart felt after I heard that we were asked to cater such an important and super cool gig for a very incredibly important and super cool person. (To clarify, my heart felt the way the Grinch's heart felt at the end of the story, after it grew three sizes bigger. Just making sure everyone got that.)

Now, we couldn't actually cater the event (BOOOO!) because we had not yet applied for and/or received our catering license. I know, right? You see, in all the rush to get Bloomy's off the ground on time, and with all the subsequent tires falling off and fridge incidents, well... we didn't really get around to submitting the application. Or developing our powers to see into the future. But, rest assured, we've taken care of that now (the license, not the powers). So the next time a good former President asks us to bring our amazingsauce beef to his event we will say "Yes Sir! Salute! Thank you for allowing us to feed you with our delicious ultra-slow cooked roast beef which is actually roasted top sirloin but apparently nobody knows what that is and thinks top sirloin comes in hamburger patty form even though it doesn't." Then I'll panic and ask the Rhino if I'm supposed to salute at the end of the sentence too or just the beginning.

So yeah. That just happened. And It. Was Boss.

(Major sidetrack warning): Due to our fellow food trucker the Tot Boss, I will forevermore associate the words "Tot" and "Boss" with one another. This makes me very concerned for future-Katie who, upon applying to live in a really hip active senior lifestyle center in some incredible old-person place with future-Rhino, is asked to undergo a word association psychological assessment as part of the professional approval process. During this assessment, the psychological assessment doctor says certain words and future-Katie uses her extensive knowledge of the human psyche to reply with understandably normal associated words. This goes on successfully for quite some time and future-Katie is certain that they have been accepted with flying colors! Until, that is, the doctor supplies the word "Boss" and Katie excitedly says "TOTS!!!!!!!" And then future Katie ruins their chances to get in to the hip lifestyle center because the doctor believes she thinks bosses are bits of fried potato. Future Rhino, I'm sorry!!

In any case, there ends my trip down memory lane's off-beaten path. I know, I know. You're saying "that's all I get? Only three things?" Well, it is 7:10pm and I am both hungry and thirsty. And at least two of those things make me lose my will to go on. There will be plenty of time for more stories, I promise. I mean, I promise to try.

I hope you enjoyed time traveling with me, and I also hope you realized, as I did part way through writing this, that reminiscing is a really fun thing to do sometimes. Especially when memory lane was a road I was almost too afraid to choose to begin with... but I'm pretty sure I'm glad I did. Oh, and here's the trick to reminiscing: just remember to only remember the good parts.

Come out and get some beef sometime soon. Our beer cheese sauce is the super bomb and we've now added it to the Philly Cheese Steak sando! The Rhino and I just had to try this new sando for ourselves so we drove an infinity long way to get one and it was so incredibly worth it. It's freaking good as hell. Try it and then try to tell me I'm wrong. Because the only thing you will be saying is "Can I have another one?" NO, you can't have another one because you doubted it the first time. And nobody, not no one, doubts the beef. (This is the part where I kick up some dust with my boot spurs and say quietly in my head before making my move with my dueling pistols "One, two three... DRAW!")

Just teasing...I don't own any boot spurs. Hugs all around!

Just so you know, we can't change the menu yet to include the beer cheese addition to the Philly sando because changing the menu costs a million dollars and we've already had to change it like three times. But the beer cheese will be on that sando from now on. Trust the process. Also, once we can afford a new menu, you will see that we are changing the name of this sando from "Philly Cheese Steak" to "The Drunken Philly." See what we did there? It's drunken because of the beer cheese sauce! Ah ha, so clever. (I did not come up with this although I wish I did, due to the cleverness factor.)

PS - Catch us on the Kare11 Food Truck Friday segment this Friday to see our manager and the Bloomy's truck acting charming on live television. #nerves!

~ Katie J

AUGUST 23, 2012

B. Makes His Live Television Debut

If you didn't realize, our manager, B., is now an official Z List Celebrity! I know! Hold your horses and don't all swarm him at once! Jeez. Celebrities are people too, you know.

Just last week, B. appeared on live national (local) television as himself to highlight all the amazing work he and the beef squad perform on the Bloomy's truck on a daily basis! Except if it's raining, or snowing, or hailing, or in event of a malfunction...

Anyway, our friends over at _Kare11_ once again invited Bloomy's to participate in an epic segment better known as _Food Truck Friday. Food Truck Friday_ basically means that, every Friday, the _Kare11_ team showcases a Twin Cities food truck and, last Friday it was Bloomy's turn! Yay!!

I have to say that B. was cool as a cucumber as the live television cameras came aboard the Bloomy's truck and he was interviewed by a real live reporter! B. acted like a bona fide Z List Celeb the entire time and even demonstrated actual cookings like he had his own cooking show and everything! I was so proud and glad that B. had to do the live television segment, because I would have choked and started crying and stress sweating, put together!

Here is the link to the segment in its entirety so you can see how amazing B. performed under pressure and how he highlights our Drunken Philly sando!

 Kare11 Food Truck Friday

Way to go homey! Just so you know, B. will be available for photo opportunities and autograph signings tomorrow from 1:00pm to 3:00pm for those who want to rub shoulders with a real live Z List Celeb!

Also, here is a pic of me photo bombing the _Kare11_ tasting crew after the segment completed and we dished out our wares to all the hungry local news celebrities. See also: super cool television camera on tripod!

Proof of celebrity closeness and television tripod! Also: Proof that I have not had the time for a proper haircut in like infinity months.

Anyway, that's about it for updates. Our stupid power budget issues have necessitated the purchasing and installment of a whole second generator which the Rhino and Papa Kirk are planning to stick on the Bloomy1 roof just a few weekends from now. I am very glad to NOT be participating in these workings and instead will stay home and work on my never-ending list of Bloomy's infinity to-dos.

Catch you next time!

Katie J

ALL OF SEPTEMBER + MOST OF OCTOBER, 2013

OCTOBER 25, 2012

And Then This Happened

Photo Op: In preparation for Rail Gating before the Vikings game. Also: proof of Vikings-themed decoration(s) and successful second generator installation (we thought it was successful at the time, but it was not).

NOVEMBER 8, 2012

And Then This Happened!!!!!

Photo Op: Proof of epical award and new amazing title as one of the country's best food trucks ever invented!

NOVEMBER 13, 2012

Mini-Breaks, Celebrity Shoulder-Rubs, and Other Goings-On.

I've recently decided to take a mini-break from my accidental blog hiatus to inform you of some exciting new Bloomy's developments! And also because it's football season, and I've once again found myself falling victim to the unfortunate yet inevitable "football widow" syndrome that affects millions of us ladies every single fall. Let's unite and form a club! Good thing Rhino is _only_ in two fantasy league things. And good thing we only have one TV.* (Gasp). It's true.

_*Dear Netflix... I'm coming back for you in February. Get ready. Love, Katie._

Speaking of the Rhino, he and I recently had the opportunity to travel to the American yet still exotic and interesting island known as St. John. For business. Specifically, the business of researching the emerging industry of tropical island food trucks. Not really, but we told ourselves the trip was for business so that we'd feel better about leaving our manager, Richard,* to run the Bloomy's day-to-day in our absence.

_*His name is not Richard._

In any case, the trip was our first in several years and the result of mucho begging and scheming by yours truly. And a mega-discount on a so-called heavenly villa that ended up being neither heavenly nor comfortable in the least. But that's a story for another day.

Anyway, our incredible manager did a super stand-up job, and we came home not really rested at all but still totally ready to attack the winter food truck season head on!

Also, if you hadn't heard, Rhino and I had the slamazing opportunity to not only meet His Honor the Minneapolis Mayor, but also got to convince our fellow business partner and Rhino-best-pal, Ron, to take a photo op of us rubbing shoulders! Proof of this is found right here:

Photo Op: Proof of real life celebrity interaction!

Did you see how the Mayor is squeezing my deltoid? The same deltoid that I may or may not have been flexing so it felt super strong and memorable? Did you see it?! I feel special.

Now that we have had our photo taken with a bona fide celebrity, Rhino and I feel that we've earned the privilege to walk around wearing large sunglasses and asking our assistants* what's next on the schedule, which we pronounce as "shed-jewel."

_*Our non-existent assistants. Mine is named Sally and she has shiny hair._

In addition to meeting a super celebrity a becoming pseudo-celebrities by association,* Rhino and I have also achieved numerous other feats including: selecting new bread to replace our formerly delicious but recently unacceptable recipe-changed ciabatta bread, being named one of the nation's 101 best food trucks ever invented, and being invited to star in the Food Network's next reality TV show!!

_*Rhino: "Hopefully people know you're joking." Me: "Of course people know I'm joking, what do you think this is anyway? The Yellow Pages?"_

Ok, so at least one of the aforementioned things is falsified. But at least two of them are not. In any event, I'm sure the Food Network will contact us eventually, but in case they want to but just don't know how to reach us, I'll give everyone a largish clue: just email us and we will respond post haste! Rhino and I would be happy to star in your next reality TV show, no problemo! Well, it depends on the contract, I mean. Will we* get free hair and makeup for life? Done!

* _I._

In other news, after discovering the largish amount of responsibilities and dollars included in planning a wedding, the Rhino and I have decided to run away and elope to Las Vegas! Of course, it's not technically eloping if you tell everyone about it beforehand, but whatevs. We even put the deposit down and everything. You know what that means! It's happening, people! No backsies! So, come September, and after mucho date and locale changes and things, I will be an official Bloomstrom and therefore no longer one of 4,279 Katie Johnsons to attend the University of Minnesota. Soon I will be one of five Bloomstroms who enjoy hunting, fishing, canning salsa, and building small apartments over garages for fun.

In other other news, after getting over the simultaneously horrifying facts that (1) we accidentally got ourselves blacklisted on an anonymous yet popular restaurant review website and got over 77.7777 (infinity) percent of our customer reviews filtered as a result, and (2) I can't remember the other one, but I'm sure it was really, really bad, Rhino and I are moving on and investing in wine by the barrel. (An important Bloomy's side effect to note is that I have developed the skill of being very, very good at drinking a lot (A LOT) of wine. It's the only way to make it through my days. But I never start before 8:30pm (4:30pm*), so it's not a problem at all.)

*3:30pm. Eastern time.

We're also very busy praying for zero snow this winter and temperatures that don't fall below 25 degrees so that people aren't afraid to go outside and order some beef from their favorite beefy food truck. I'm scared!! In the meantime though, we have been focused on all the beef-related things you can imagine, such as: attempting to book mucho winter events and catering gigs even though there is only like one winter food truck event (boo!) and zero people wanting a food truck catered event during the winter (boooo!), attending very fun Vikings football related food truck events, and trying not to think about winter.

Stay tuned for the next mini-break to my mini-blog-hiatus. Until then, please resume your regularly scheduled programming. Just remember: You are what you watch. And, if that is true, then I guess I am both Cupcake Wars and America's Next Top Model repeats. Put together!

In closing, we wish you and your peeps a very Happy Thanksgiving. Remember... nine out of 10 doctors recommend a tri-weekly intake of Hereford certified beef from your local Bloomy's truck. And one out of 10 doctors' mouths were too full to comment.

Peace!  
Katie J

DECEMBER 1, 2012

And Then I Ate a Lot of Tots

Despite our overjoyed-ness over winning a spot on the Top 101 Food Trucks in America _and_ being nominated (but losing) the 2012 Rookie Food Truck of the Year title, we realized pretty quickly that, once the temperature dips below 30 degrees, pretty much no one (and I do mean no one) goes to food trucks anymore. Like no one. No One.

We may or may not have gone from serving like 120-150 customers per day to serving like 12-30 customers per day. This, as you can imagine, did not make anyone very happy. Especially those who realize that taking the food truck out and serving 12-30 customers per day costs way infinity more than 12-30 roast beef sandos. A lot more! Boo!

This prompted us to make the unfortunate decision to shut down operations over the winter and put Bloomy1 in temporary hibernation mode along with the rest of the state's residents.

So this means we've closed the beef doors for the whole stupid winter. Thanks a lot Minnesota! But before that, I made sure to eat a lot of tots to keep me alive until spring. And I also made sure those tots were covered in a mound of beer cheese.

Then, I cried.

Photo Op: I might have more than one of these buckets hibernating in my belly.

But, in the end, I did eventually realize that it was best decision out of our two options, which were (1) close down and save our dollars over the winter, so we would still have some dollars come spring time or (2) stay open and spend all our dollars over the winter, so we would not have any dollars come spring time.

So the Rhino and I have officially hibernated the truck and plan to spend the winter both recuperating and planning for 2013 Roast Beef Domination, Take Two.

Get ready!

~ Katie J

DECEMBER 20, 2012

And Then This Happened

Photo Op: We may have designed and ordered these cool fridge magnets for a charity event we were thinking of doing before we decided to close for the winter. No biggie. We will just... set them...over here... in the office for awhile... until we forget we have them. Good plan!

JANUARY 28, 2013

Hello? Is this thing on?

Oh, fellow beef lovers. Where does the time go? All of the sudden it's January and a whole new year happened, and I've been too busy trying to stop the cold from seeping into my bones to realize that spring is just around the corner. But it is, and that means the beef-break I was so eagerly anticipating just a few weeks ago has nearly come to an end already. It's probably a good thing, though, because my consta-cravings for some Bloomy's beer-cheese-topped-tots are back with a major vengeance.

Anyway, you might think that our impending re-launch means the epical return of whack attacks and massive stress balls and general mental unbalance but, I can assure you, it does not. (Hopefully.) I've double promised the Rhino that I will attempt to be less perma-stressed than I was during Bloomy's first season and, to do this, I've already achieved the following things:

1) Went to yoga three times

2) Received relaxing bubble bath and stress-reducing warming neck device for Christmas

3) Worked my way up to one minute on my morning meditation exercises

4) Discovered during routine health assessment that my glandular system is mass-producing cortisol (a.k.a. "the stress hormone"); began taking cortisol-reducing vitamins post haste in attempt to avoid cortisol-related problems such increased abdominal fat and a permanently bad attitude.

And the biggest thing:

5) Got a new day job! This is exceedingly awesome and super beneficial for the main reason that I work like half as much as I did at my previous day job and also because, at this moment (after my sixth day), it seems that I've landed pretty much the best day job ever with the best boss ever in the history of all history! Except for the fact that my car Frederick was involved in a brutal hit-and-run in the parking ramp on my first day!! Noooo Frederick! Not another huge noticeable dent! Also: Thanks to horrible human being who ran into my car and then drove away, probably while laughing about how horrible and dishonest a human being they are. Good job finding success as a huge and total ass hat!!

Anyway, due to horrible Nazi-like website over-controllage by the stupid IT department at my new day job, I can no longer access everyday websites like Gmail and Ann Taylor! Boooo! This also means I can't get to my Internet cloud from work anymore either and had to transfer all my Bloomy's files onto a zip drive. But when I put the zip drive into my new work computer it made me put a very intense and complicated security passcode on it which I promptly forgot because I didn't write it down in my remembering notebook. Then I froze myself out of my own zip drive! And IT said that I'm doomed forever! Nooooo! Good thing there is a back up on the cloud! Phew!

Speaking of Ann Taylor and our newly blossomed love affair (they have petites sizings!), I was incredibly fortunate to have eleven days off between day jobs and decided to use this time, for the good of all humanity, to evolve my fashion skills. My previous job didn't have much of a dress code, except that tight spandex-involved workout clothes and low-cut cleavage revealing tops were a-okay, so my wardrobe consisted mainly of sweaters, jeans, and high-cut tops. But I figured, now that I'm thirty and starting a new job with a professional dress code, I should update my closet and also figure out how to wear accessories. Luckily for me, I'm in the best book club in all of North America and there is a wonderful woman in my book club who just so happens to be a style consultant! So I asked her to lend her style expertise and, in just one day, she took my clothes from bow-wow to _meow!_ Now I am a bona fide professional with a pencil skirt and everything! I'm so happy.

So I guess I should tell you what the Rhino and I have been up to for the last couple weeks. And I'm proud to tell you that, between the holidays and filling up our severely depleted sleeping banks and my getting a new job and us finally tackling our 2012 spring cleaning, we actually did do some work on Bloomy's. Like a lot of work. This work included such things as: filing all of our receipts and cringing at all the money we wasted and auditing inventory reports and helping with a new food truck association and analyzing our sales data and forging new partnerships and drinking one* glass of wine each.

_*Infinity!_

It also included my favorite part of the job! More eating! In fact, here is actual proof of the Rhino as he weighs and diligently records the first official beef activity of 2013 while wearing his elephant t-shirt:

Photo Op: Proof of the Rhino diligently recording.

You will see some delicious looking Bloomy's beef to your left sitting on that super dece digital scale complete with blue light, but, if you look very carefully,* you'll see that there are actually three cuts of beef in this photo:

* _Pay no mind to those wine bottle(s). IT'S ONLY A PROBLEM IF YOU ADMIT THERE IS A PROBLEM!_

1) The beef, obvi.

2) Rhino's huge arm bicep

3) You can't actually see #3 in the picture but, trust me ladies, it's there. ;-)

Whoa! Get your minds out of the gutter! _I was talking about his other bicep. Obvi. What kind of blog do you think this is, anyway? Jeez._

The focus here is that, after work, when most people are watching television or chasing after small children, Rhino and I are doing things like weighing and recording and eating beef. But I have to say, after an eight week hiatus, it sure was great to have that beef in my mouth again. _Whoa! Seriously, guys. I can't take you anywhere. I was talking about the_ _roast_ _beef, not Rhino's other bicep. I mean, really._

On top of all this amazingness, Rhino and I have also been not-busy planning our upcoming nuptials! In seven months time, we will travel to sunny Las Vegas where we are sure to win loads of money and drink one glass of wine and Scotch and come back as Mr. and Mrs. Bloomy's Roast Beef. And we planned it all in about six hours. I love you Las Vegas!

That's about it for updates, folks. I promise to write more often now that I'm officially off my mental break and done with major life changes until September. I mean, I promise to try.

Stay warm, my beef-loving friends.

Until next time,

~ Katie J

FEBRUARY 3, 2013

An Association is Born

Amidst operational and/or business analyzing, menu planning, domination strategizing, and other toils, the Rhino and I have officially and formally joined a mega-cool association group of like-minded food truck folks. This group is better known as the MN Food Truck Association.

This very official Association is comprised of numerous other food truckers and/or food trucker wannabes, including everyone from the Tot Boss to celebrity food trucker Andrew Zimmern. In case you didn't know, Andrew Zimmern is a mega-celeb who is not only the star of his own television show where he eats lots of nastastic looking foods but is also a chef and food writer and even has his own food truck called AZ Canteen! (Get it? AZ Canteen? AZ like Andrew Zimmern? Just checking.) Anyway, Andrew Zimmern is probably the real reason I wanted to join the Association, even though I didn't really know who he was because I don't have time to watch TV anymore, but so far I haven't seen him at any of the meetings.* I mean, all I want is a picture with him to post on Facebook so I can prove to everyone that I have a really interesting and post-worthy life! Come on Andrew Zimmern!

*There haven't been any meetings yet.

Anyway, the Rhino and I are so incredibly excited about the Association for quite a few reasons, but mainly because we've never been a part of an official group before (except for my semester-long stint in a sorority during college, after which I discovered that I didn't like sororities at all). This, as you can image, makes us feel very important and like we are contributing positively to the world and creating a legacy while also compiling interesting stories to tell around the dinner table.

I believe there will be t-shirts involved and everything. I will let you know.

FEBURARY 4, 2013

There Are T-Shirts Involved!

Er – so... I had this great idea to take a photo of the Rhino and me wearing our official Food Truck Association t-shirts and things, but I realized how incredibly impossible it is to take a selfie that truly showcases the amazingness of the t-shirts since most selfies I take only showcase my moon face and upper neck areas. After like infinity tries (no tries, but several honest attempts at thinking about trying), I gave up and you will now have to live the rest of your lives without seeing the Rhino and me in our official Food Truck Association t-shirts. Sorry. (Kind of.) (Not really.)

Instead of working on the selfie photos, the Rhino and I decided to open up a bottle of wine and drink it all while glancing over our infinity long to-do list and deciding not to do any of the things on there. The Rhino also took this opportunity to show me a new way of opening a bottle of wine with his bare hands! After a few seconds of trying and grunting and unsuccessful opening, I pointed to our wine bottle opener and the following conversation ensued:

Me: "Do you know what helps?" (Pointing to the wine opener.)

Rhino: (Finally ripping the cork out with his hands and flexing his biceps at me.) "STRENGTH! STRENGTH HELPS!"

While we were drinking this wine, the Rhino proceeded to lecture me on how it's been nearly three years since I've given Frederick (my car) a proper car wash and now my headlights have gotten so crusted over with snow and ice and salt that I can't see in the dark anymore and have to drive around with my brights on all the time. And even then I can't really see. The Rhino has now taken to calling my car "Crusty Nuts" instead of Frederick and Frederick got so upset that he got a flat tire in the parking lot at my work. Then I had to limp him to the repair station to patch the tire (during which the cashier man thought I said "oil change" instead of "patch my tire" and gave me a free oil change! In hindsight, I wish I'd said "patch my tire and give me a car wash too!" in hopes that the cashier man would hear "give me a free oil change and a million dollars like now!" But it didn't turn out that way at all.) I'm happy to report that I did give Frederick/Crusty Nuts a pseudo carwash (with that squeegee thingie at the gas station) and everyone is doing much better.

In other news, I have no other news except that our Bloomy's re-opening to-do list is officially seven full-size pages long and my paperworking stack for 2013 licenses, permits, and et cetera is almost as tall as I am. Booo!

Ohm,

Katie J

REMAINING FEBRUARY, 2013

 _  
_

MARCH 13, 2013

The Beef Reawakens

Er – sorry. February just kinda happened, and, quite honestly, I don't remember much of anything except.... yeah, it's gone completely. Sorry. (Not really.)

Anyway, after spending mucho time over our winter break completing highly sensitive and intelligent scientific analysis using both the periodic table and the Dewy Decimal System, the Rhino and I are now switching gears and, er... gearing up for Bloomy's Roast Beef Season Two!

In no particular order, here are all the thing we have either completed already or have in process.

The First Order of Business

Un-hibernating the truck. Easy and Done! The Rhino completed this very important task while I watched and found good tunes on the radio. However, I do believe it involved such things as: something with the water jugs, checking the equipments for proper functioning, checking generator oil goings-on, and other similar things.

The Second Order of Business

Ordering the new and improved Bloomy's menu complete with new food items! Mediumly easy and already done!

Photo Op: Proof of our old craptastic menu before it hit the garbage bin.

The Third Order of Business

Hiring of our new Food Truck Manager!!

You see, after we closed operations over the winter and informed our beef squad of the unfortunate but necessary change in plans, our former manager, B., had to go and get a different job. Closing for the winter and being unable to guarantee steady paychecks for your beef squad is one incredibly challenging aspect of operating a Minnesota food truck that we weren't quite aware of at the get-go. We just sort of figured that we could operate the truck year-round and even told our manager that he would have at least some gigs to attend to during the chilly weather. But, as we've already learned, people just don't go to food trucks when it's bitterly cold and/or windy and/or snowy and/or sleety and the Rhino and I just couldn't keep truck going without any customers to sell beef to. So we closed and B. moved on to a new job that he is enjoying very much. Long story short, we ended up needing to hire a new manager.

I am currently thigh-deep in hundos of resumes and have already completed dozens of phone interviews, anxiously eager to identify the next beef squad manager for Bloomy's! Stay tuned because I may or may not have found the most perfect of all the candidates and simply need to send him along to the Rhino for the very important final phone interview! Yayyyy!

The Fourth (et cetera) Order of Business

\- Permits? Check.

\- Paperworks? Check.

\- Updated filing system? In progress.*

\- Catering license in case good former President calls again? Check.

\- Date for re-launch secured? Er – half check.

*If 'in progress' means randomly making largish stacks of papers in the office and promising to create a new filing system at some later date.

The Final Order of Business

Prepare emotionally, mentally, and physically (in progress and TBD.)

Stay tuned for our official "Epic Return of the Beef to the Streets" which will be here in just a couple weeks! Eeeks!

If you finding yourself saying out loud, "wait a second, these blogs used to be a lot longer and I'm feeling a bit jipped." First off, relax, and secondly, I have something to admit.

I went back to my old day job.

I did. I admit it.

Don't judge me.

The thing is, in January, as you already know, I took a different job that I was super psyched about because I had the coolest, dopest boss in the world and only had to work like half as much for equal paychecks. But then my coolest boss ever got a job at a different company three weeks after I started and she left. So then my job started sucking and got really infinity busy, and I ended up working more than I did at my old job and started missing being able to access Gmail and Ann Taylor and my Bloomy's cloud at work. Meanwhile, my old job recruited me back for a promotion opportunity and it seemed like a good idea all around.

So I went back. And between all the workings and goings on of a day job and promotion + gearing up for food truck seasoning Part Deux,* I just don't have a lot of time left to do the thing I most love to do in the whole world, which is to write this here blog. And eat bacon.

*Deux (adj. and/or n.): A fancy French way of saying "two." Not to be confused with "Deuce," which is often used as an American slang term for poop. Make sure you know the difference before you start saying these words!!

In short, I'm sorry. I'm trying, really. Usually these writings happen while I am frantically shoving bits of salad and bacon bits into my face and getting salad dressing on both my keyboard and high-cut work top. So there.

Until next time!

~ Katie J

APRIL 3, 2013

The Great and Powerful Wizard of Beef

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a person named Katie who was interviewing food truck manager candidates for her business, Bloomy's Roast Beef. After hundreds of resumes and dozens of phone interviews, Katie found the most perfect of candidates ever. This candidate is named Peter Parker,* and Katie will forevermore refer to him as P-squared while doing more sideways peace fingers. For no apparent reason whatsoever.

*His name is definitely not Peter Parker.

After deciding that P-squared was definitely the man for the job, Katie needed to gain approval from her business partner/fiancé, the Rhino. So she passed the future beef squad manager over to the Rhino for a final phone interview and coached him to "ask lots of intelligent questions about cooking." After chatting with P-squared for about 45 minutes and asking very deep and intelligent questions such as "who does the cooking at home?" and things, the Rhino gave Katie two very big thumbs up!

Before offering P-squared the gig, Rhino and Katie wanted to bring him out to the food truck so he could take a peek around and also so everyone could meet in person and make sure all the personalities would jive and P-squared wouldn't be too scared off by the prison storage facility or whack attacks or similar happenings.

On the way to meet P-squared for the very first time ever, after neither seeing him in person ever nor engaging in illegal Interweb stalkings, the following discussion happened:

**KJ** : "So based on your 45 minute conversatings with P-squared, what do you think he looks like?"

**Rhino** : "Hmmm...let me think for a bit."

**KJ** : "I think he looks like James Franco, only a little shorter."

**Rhino** : "Who's James Franco?"

**KJ** : "You know, the actor James Franco?"

**Rhino** : "Yeah, I don't know who that is."

**KJ** : "Sure you do. He's the actor who was in that one movie and looks a little like James Dean?"

**Rhino** : "Spiderman?"

**KJ** : "No that's Toby Keith. I mean Toby....Um...who are some other actors named Toby that you know of?"

**Rhino** : "No, James Franco is the one in Spiderman. I think he's Spiderman's friend."

**KJ** : "I'm not sure. Is he the green man?"

**Rhino** : "Anyway, so here's what I think P-squared looks like: I think he's a couple inches taller than I am, with very short hair and a sturdy build. And he wears black rimmed glasses."

**KJ** : "What does sturdy build mean?"

**Rhino** : "You know, like sturdy. Like not skinny but not fat. Sturdy."

**KJ** : "Like husky?"

**Rhino** : "No, smaller than husky. Like between skinny and husky."

**KJ** : "Ok, like..."

**Rhino** : "Like sturdy."

**KJ** : "Hmmm...."

Anyway, after meeting P-squared for the very first time, Rhino and Katie realize the following things:

(1) He is a couple inches taller than the Rhino!

(2) He has very short hair!

(3) He DOES have a sturdy build! Now I know what this means!

(4) The best thing of all.... Wait for it.... Wait. For. It......

HE WEARS BLACK RIMMED GLASSES!

I kid you not. After speaking with a person over the phone for 45 minutes, the super-wizard Rhino was able to implement his superpower psychic abilities to see through the phone and into P-squared's life and see what he looks like with astonishing accuracy! He's like that movie _Ghost Dad_ with Bill Cosby where Bill Cosby smooshes his ghost body through the phone to strangle his daughter's mean boyfriend who he doesn't like because the boyfriend is a mean scumbag. Except the Rhino used the same power without the strangling part!

I couldn't even believe it and am still wowed by Rhino's superpower to this day! Even though this whole situation just happened today! Fictionally! But real!

I immediately told the Rhino to try his powers out on the stock market to see if he could see through to the future and see which stocks are hot so we can buy them and work on building up my basement dollar pile, but I guess the powers don't work on command like that. Boo!

Anyway, everyone seemed to enjoy the meeting very much. P-squared also brought us some delicious food that we ate for dinner, which came complete with homemade BBQ sauce and mashed potatoes and everything! And it was so delicious! So we offered him the gig post haste.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The End,

Katie J

APRIL 16, 2013

The Time the Food Network Actually Called! The Food Network! And Some Other Not-As-Good Things.

Right. Imagine sitting in your cubicle office, thinking about your impending food truck launch, congratulating yourself for avoiding the cookie temptation that was your lunch break, and wondering if life could possibly get any better.

Then the phone rings.

And it's a casting person.

For a show on the Food Network.

And you think, "Is this my life right now? Is this actually my life right now?" I mean, three years ago my idea of an exciting night was going to the Ruby Tuesday's for a salad bar and maybe catch the latest movie theater movie afterwards. Now I'm having convos with bona fide casting folks from television shows? I feel like all the Kardashians, combined!

So after dancing a little jig and thumbs-upping a lot and smiling for mucho days without stopping, I eventually set up a time to speak with the nice lady who represented a casting effort for a new type of reality TV show on the Food Network. Anyway, since I signed a release form of sorts and am very nervous about the whole getting-sued process, I can't mention any of the layers of all the things we had to go through during the process, but I can tell you that it was all very cool and unusual and exciting, and culminated in what I like to call:

A Skype Conversation with an Important Person

This Skype conversation took place at the Rhino's day job office, because his boss is very nice and congenial and has Presidential hair and, also, because we are technologically disinclined at home and don't have Skype on our computer. Even though it's 2013, and Skype is free.

Before this conversation, I may have spent 100+ hours picking out exactly the right outfit and curling/overspraying my un-curlable hair and learning how to do mascara. Anyway, by the time we got to the Rhino's office and began the whole Skype process, I was feeling like a bona fide celebrity and very on top of the world! And very incredibly stressed, obvi. But I am very proud to announce that I was not stressed to the whack-attack level at all and probably attribute my new Zen-like emotional status to both my relaxing warming neck device and my daily anti-cortisol pills.

Anyway, the conversation ended up being very good and interesting, but I have signed a contract of sorts and can't say what the questions consisted of otherwise I will wind up in prison and also have to pay a very large fine with mucho dollars that I don't have.

Basically the person we spoke to seemed to like it a lot when I said funny things about the Rhino and when he said funny things about me, so we made sure to do a lot of that. As part of this conversation, I also learned from the Rhino that his biggest pet peeve about my behavior tendencies is NOT leaving loads of books lying around the entire house so he and I could trip over them and fall down the stairs like I thought it was. Rather, his biggest pet peeve is how I leave all the cupboards and drawers open all the time! This was something I didn't even notice was happening until he brought it to my attention, and now all I see when I walk around the house is this:

I guess I do this an awful lot. Because they're all open, all the time. How did I never see this before? WHY DO I DO THIS?! I don't have the answer, but the more I think about it the more I figure that it probably has something to do with time management. A penny saved, as they say.

Anyway, Rhino talking about my leaving the cupboards open all the time made me try and think of a pet peeve that I had on him so I could make fun of him instead and then feel better about myself, but I had a tough time and eventually figured it probably had to do with how much time he spends sleeping. Which is a lot. A LOT.

I started realizing that being funny all the time was a lot harder than I originally thought it could be. I eventually began feeling very over-pressured and tried to think of more funny things to say and then started repeating jokes I'd heard other people say or had read about it books. This was very weird and uncomfortable because it made me stop feeling like a real human and start feeling like a scripted robot human, which was challenging for me even despite the motion picture disasters I've been a part of.

Long story contractually shortened, the entire thing was very interesting, educational, insightful, and stressful (but thankfully not whack attack inducing in the least). And also very blog worthy, obvi!

Also, the thing I have noticed about being an almost reality show celebrity and having annoying people ask me for my photo and autographs all the time (never) is that folks seem very interested in me and the Rhino in general and ask us lots of interesting questions. Mostly questions about the Food Network and actual celebrities. _(Who did the conversation?_ I don't know, some lady. _Was it Tyler Florence?_ No, I just said it was a lady. _Will you get to meet Tyler Florence?_ I don't know, probably not. _What show is it for?_ I can't tell you or I'll go to jail. _Triple D?_ No, 32C on a fat day. Wait, what?)

Anyway, I just want to take a moment to reassure people that we are not really reality show celebrities quite yet, or at all. I just joke about it from time to time and really enjoy pretending what sort of life I would live and what sorts of things I would do if I really were a celebrity, such as all of the following things:

\- Spend the months of November through May someplace very warm with very nice, warm weather and no snow and no cold weather. This would enable both the Rhino and me to go outside and not get hypothermia and/or frostbite when attempting to walk across the parking lot before/after work and would also enable me to walk to my car without face planting into a big patch of ice because no one ever sands the parking lot. Maybe I would even pay someone to carry me across all the patches of ice! I mean, I would _definitely_ do this! In addition, I would:

\- Pay someone to do all my chores for me

\- Pay someone to go to work for me

\- Pay someone to force me to exercise more often than I do right now, which is never. (I wonder if I could sit on the couch and watch Netflix while someone moves my arms and legs for me and rotates all my joints for me. This would be great!)

\- Get a permanent style consultant to help me put together appropriately matching outfits complete with accessories

\- Have very good and shiny hair all the time

\- Get room service and personal butlers all the time

\- Change the world through lots of good celebrity deeds

But, seriously, despite being photographed with the Mayor and being in the same social group as famous chef Andrew Zimmern and speaking to a Food Network Casting Person (which I firmly believe puts us firmly on the bottom of the Celebrity Z List, at least), we're really just two people who still have day jobs and were a little too naïve and dumb about what opening a food truck restaurant would really entail. Everything else is just the result of having a great Bloomy's logo and a winning attitude! Yayy!

So, anyway, if we pass the Food Network's Skype interview test, we will go on into the final round of candidate selection and potentially appear on national television where I hope there is at least someone help me curl my hair and apply my mascara properly.

In other not as good as the Food Network, but still good, news. Our new beef squad manager, P-squared, is very busy interviewing line cooks and cashiers to ensure we will be ready for our Epical Re-Launch! A nice thing about P-squared is that he knows pretty much everyone on the planet and has friends in "the biz" and things, so he already has pretty much everyone hired! This has already caused 17 fewer whack attacks than I had this time last year so, by comparison, we are off to a very great start indeed!

That's all I have, for now.

Until next time!

~ Katie J

APRIL 22, 2013

Epic Fails and Other Goings On

Here's what happened guys. I'd written an entire blog that discussed the never-ending winter and the effect it's having on all humanity, including birds, and how everyone accidentally thought that global warming movie was a documentary and now we're all confused and wandering around like crazy people wondering when the warming part is going to happen. Then, per my usual blog-qual-testing* methodology, I gave the finished blog to the Rhino to proof read.

*This is a new word I made up that stands for blog quality testing.

Now, I'd spent an honest bit of time writing the blog and figured it was somewhat witty and mediumly dece. However, I honestly didn't set the bar too high given the facts that (1) I spent the last three months working my (now former) day job in a downstairs windowless dungeon that deprived me of natural light to such an extent that I nearly died, (2) I had to go buy two sunlamps and stick my head under them multiple times per day just to survive, and (3) I've been recovering from severe Vitamin D deficiency ever since.

In case you didn't know, Vitamin D deficiency can potentially result in each of the following things:

\- Severe cognitive impairment

\- Weak bones

\- Hypertension

\- Extremely fast aging

\- Horribly debilitating depression

\- Brain damage

\- Death

So you can imagine how awful it was to work in that no-light dungeon and risk all the aforementioned health issues all the time. I mean, really.

In any case, I was still pretty excited to implement the blog-qual-testing methodology guidelines to determine whether the blog was post-worthy or not, which I was fairly certain it was. For convenience and so you can follow along, I've listed the BQT* methodology guidelines below.

*This is an abbreviation I made up that stands for blog quality testing.

BQT Methodology Guidelines

1. Give blog to Rhino to proofread. Stand outside the office HQ door and listen for laughs.

2. Count number of laughs.

3. Compare number of laughs to The Chart.

(The Chart: 4+ laughs = post-worthy! Solid skill implementation!; 3 laughs = questionable; 2 laughs = sad, this blog sucks; 1 laugh = you're a horrible writer!; 0 laughs = you suck at writing! Never write again!)

4. Determine new emotional status (base this on chart results).

Anyway, once the Rhino sat down to start proof-reading the blog, I stood outside the office door next to the towel closet and waited for the laughs to start. And I waited, and waited...and waited. Then I got nervous* and refolded all the towels in the towel closet. Long story short, the blog turned out to be an epical fail and went to go live in the land of unicorns, bridge trolls, and global warming, never to be heard from again. Thanks a lot Al Gore!

*Did his laugh change? Is he laughing silently? I don't know! I can't tell!

In any event, if at first you don't succeed and all that crap, so here we go again. The fact of the matter is this: Bloomy's Season Two, the season I like to call "The Epic Return of the Beef to the Streets," begins in just seven short days! I don't know about you, but I spend my time mood swinging between "I'm so excited! I can't wait!" and "I'm not ready! Abort! Abort!" But it's happening, folks, and hopefully our launch day will end the longest winter of all time and be forever known in history as the wonderous event that ended the longest winter of all time.

Anyway, a million billion cajillion last minute details need to come together before our test run on Friday, but I'm not sweating it one bit. No sirs. I have clinical strength ultra-toxic aluminum deodorant on and am ready to rock! No whack attacks over here! Stress sweating issue is very under control.

I could attribute this new inner calmness to my daily meditation exercise that I'm up to five minutes on after three months of trying but, in actuality, this phenomenon is mostly due to the fact that (1) we've been through this before and now know what to expect so we can avoid unknown dangers and tunnels of doom like last year and (2) our new food truck manager is very amazing and nice and has very high levels of customer service and does things we don't even ask him to do! This is, as you can imagine, a very great type of food truck manager to have. Thank you P-squared and your super futuristic thinking capabilities!

So there you have it. How does the saying go? When a failed blog door closes...um....

Well, you know the rest.

See you soon!

~ Katie J

MAY 1, 2013

Saying Goodbye to the Food Network

There are times in one's life when one is forced to make an intelligent, grown-up decision even though it's not the decision one really thought one would make at the start. And this, unfortunately, is one of those times.

Without getting into detail, which I am contractually obligated not to do, I will tell you this:

After mucho interviews and paperworkings and discussions, Rhino and I have decided to remove ourselves from the Food Network casting process.

I know.

Really, I know. But trust me when I say that it was for the best and was the best decision for everyone around.

Sigh. Now my dreams of ever becoming a reality TV celebrity are crushed forever. Boooo! But I guess it's better than having to dodge paparazzi like all the time, which we were getting really tired of doing. (This never happened.)

In any event, the whole experience of having the Food Network casting crew actually invite us to interview for a bona fide reality television show was so super incredibly cool and made both the Rhino and me feel very special and wanted. Plus, now we can always look back on our lives and say that, once upon a time, we got really close to being on national TV. But then we didn't. And we also got really super close to becoming mega-celebs and have people be jealous of us. But then we didn't.

Whatever.

However, on the positive side, the entire experience gave us really fun stuff to talk about with our friends and family for awhile while also giving us an entirely different understanding of how the world of reality television really works. Now all we have left to be excited about is nummy beef sandos and beer cheese tots from the Bloomy's truck! Life is so majestic and filled with delicious foods and food-related things!

Sorry this is so short. (I'm really not sorry at all.)

~ Katie J

MAY 12, 2013

It's Just Another Day For You and Me in Beefadise*

*The following story is grossly exaggerated historical fiction and does not depict any actual person or event

As so frequently happens, I think of thousands of educational yet entertaining things to write about and sit down to concentrate before all my good ideas fly out of my head. Then I get sidetracked by something incredibly urgent and productive and several weeks pass before I realize that I still have a half-written blog that is now so historically outdated that it needs to be completely re-done.

Life can be so difficult sometimes! Sigh.

In any event, I am sick and tired of hearing everyone* complain about not getting enough Bloomy's updates, so here you go.

*No one. Fine, like five people. Yay!

I started this particular blog on a quiet Friday night when the Rhino was away enjoying an epical bachelor party (not his own) at the most mystical of all casinos, which meant that I had the whole house mostly to myself. Having the house mostly to myself means I can do things I usually wouldn't do when the Rhino is around such as watch marathon episodes of _Downton Abbey Season 2_ while drinking copious amount of wine and crying over the fact that (SPOILER ALERT!) the charming and clever Mr. Crawley was hurt in the war and is confined to wheelchair and may never walk again. Nooo!

The main bad thing about Rhino being gone, aside from not having anyone to cry with me,* is that I have to figure out a way to keep myself alive using only food items that need no preparation whatsoever. This may include one or more of the following: string cheese, crackers, mozzarella balls, olives, granola bars.

*Okay, so he doesn't actually cry with me, but he does let me use his sleeve as a tissue from time to time. What a guy!

However, I'm super pleased to say that, this time, I made myself a dinner of frozen ravioli while rejoicing over the fact that (SPOILER ALERT!) Mr. Crawley felt his big toe! Does this mean he can walk again? I don't know, we'll find out next time! I mean, sure, the ravioli may or may not have split open in the water and spewed its insides everywhere due to massive over boiling but – hey – it's pretty good for a girl who, just a few weeks ago, needed a lesson on how to make canned soup via the microwave.

In case you don't believe me about the soup, I took the liberty of documenting the training session in full below:

Me: "So, you just open the can, dump it in the bowl and put it in the microwave right?"

Rhino: "Yep, you got it."

Me: "So I guess I'm making dinner tonight then? Does that mean we are responsibility-swapping and you will do the dishes?"

Rhino: "Like microwaving soup has anything to do with making dinner."

Me: "EXCEPT WHEN YOU EAT IT FOR DINNER!"

Rhino: (No comment.)

Me: "Can I put both bowls in there at the same time?"

Rhino: "Absolutely not."

Me: "What will happen?"

Rhino: "Can you just do it already?"

Me: "What buttons do I push?"

Rhino: "Aaagh!"

In any case, the soup ended up turning out pretty good and only slightly over-microwaved, which gave me minor confidence in other areas of the kitchen. Rhino has also noticed my increased kitchen-confidence and has even started delegating some other cooking tasks to me, which usually* includes washing and/or chopping vegetables. I figure that, at this rate, I'll be a master chef in about 85-100 years and then I can finally qualify for a job on the Bloomy's truck. Yesss!

*always

Moving on. The Bloomy's Season Two trial run ended up being an epically bossome* event that took place on the nicest weather day of the year and included over 150 people who came out to Eden Prairie and sampled our wares! Sure, our generator door may or may not have fallen off en route, and I may or may not have started to sunburn about ten minutes in but, at the end of the day, I don't think I've ever been more proud of our beefy little business. And our cashier found the generator door lying on the side of the road! Yayyy!

*Boss + Awesome = Bossome.

Photo Op: Season Two Trial Run. Massive Lines and Gorgeous Weather = Epic Success!

Just look at our never-ending line! It goes practically through the whole parking lot! Remember last year when we had like eight people come to the trial run? Well, this year we had like infinity times that many! Yayyy!

Photo Op: Proof of Bloomy's fans and epical customer lineage!

Our manager, P-squared (sideways peace fingers), and the rest of the Bloomy's team enjoyed exactly two days of summer weather before the winter came back and we reluctantly sent the truck back into hibernation mode. Why Minnesotans don't patronize food trucks when it's 39 degrees out, super windy, and snowing heavily, I just don't know. I know I would ... not.

In any case, a slight bit of time has passed since our trial run, and we've been busier than ever! P-squared and team have been slinging the beef all over the Twin Cities and beyond while Rhino and I study weather radar, growl at the sad rainy clouds, and refine our plan for achieving total world domination. I mean, with the roast beef, obvi.

In addition, I am very proud to say that local radio celebrity Moon himself started following Bloomy's on Twitter! Moon, guys! Now if that right there isn't proof that Bloomy's Epical Plan for Roast Beef Domination isn't on course, I don't know what is.

Alright, I'll leave you to enjoy your gloomy Sunday with a quick reminder before I go. If you have nothing going on during the upcoming Memorial Day weekend, remember that there's absolutely nothing better to do on the eve of Memorial Day (when you're already super psyched by the fact that you don't have to go to work the next day since it's a national holiday) than to head to the Monster Food Truck Rally and enjoy mucho street fare from your favorite Twin Cities food trucks! I hope it doesn't hail like it did last year! (It won't, it won't. Just come out to the event and trust me on this one.)

Until next time!

~ Katie J

JUNE 9, 2013

Hi, My Name Is....?!?!

Right. So I've noticed something happening more and more frequently this year. Apparently, I have somehow assumed the superpower ability to forget things the instant they happen and be generally forgetful and super dumb about everything. I'm not sure if it's because of my age (30) or my hair color (blonde) or the inordinate amount of hours I work every week (infinity x infinity squared) or the disgustingly small amount of time I spend sleeping (approx. five very interrupted hours/night), but something is just not quite right in the whole upstairs area lately. It's really bad, guys. Very, very bad.

As you can imagine, this has caused the most horrible side-effects that may or may not include:

\- Driving all the way to work per usual and walking halfway across the parking lot before realizing that I never put any shoes on!!!

\- Sitting in a meeting at work (a meeting that I am leading, in which I am sitting at the head of the conference table and having lots of people look at me and nod their heads at me) and, nearing the end, looking down and realizing that my shirt is on inside out!!!

\- Mistakenly calling our cat "Sexy Baby" and calling the Rhino "Little Buddy." This has happened more than once.

\- Being so fried that, when someone asks for my address, I pause for a long moment and say "Er... Minnesota?" This has also happened more than once!

\- Mismatching all of Rhino's socks during the folding requirement of laundry sessions. Although I know that this happens and despite my attempts to try very hard to focus on the differences in the socks, I still manage to mismatch them every single time! Seriously. Every time. Even when I'm paying close attention. I don't get it! Boooo to cognitive decline!!

The Rhino has also had similar over-worked, mentally fried side effects that have included:

\- Losing his car keys and initially thinking that I took them to work with me before realizing after several hours that he somehow threw them away in the garbage can outside.

\- Calling his mom "sweetie" and me "Mom."

\- Cooking our dinners and forgetting that he's cooking partway through, so I eventually smell something wrong happening amidst my paperworkings and shout frantically "IS SOMETHING ON ME BURNING?! (Please don't be my hair! Please don't be my hair!)" while unsuccessfully trying to remember the rules about dealings with fire.

As you can tell from comparing the two lists, the Rhino is faring far, far better than I am at the overall coping-with-life skills. I'm afraid people at work have started avoiding conversations with me because I either call them by the wrong name or lose my train of thought mid-sentence and end up trailing off and blinking at them while staring blankly at something off in the distance.

My lack of mental aptitude has also made it far more difficult to remember things like interesting blog updates, so I have taken to writing them down in my special rememberings notebook that also includes epical ideas that the Rhino and I have for future inventions and money-making ideas and things. But then I wind up losing track of the notebook or leaving it in meetings at work. Then I have to explain to my boss when he picks it up to return it to me how "REMEMBER FUNNY THING ABOUT SAUSAGE" relates to what happened during the meeting conversatings. And I can't remember the funny thing about the sausage one bit. But I'm sure it was really funny before I forgot it since it was in the notebook.

However, never fear! I do remember one special thing of note because it happened just yesterday. And that is the epical taping of the Food Network's The Great Food Truck Race episode that the Rhino and I got to participate in! This amazing episode taping took place at a locale the Rhino and I like to call 612 Brew, the best brewery in all of Minneapolis! (I mean, everyone is equal!)

During this taping, the Rhino and I got to park our food truck right next door to one of the food trucks on The Great Food Truck Race and conversate with them while they cooked up food for one of their challenge tasks and also helped them scheme on how to get more customers in their line so they could win the challenge and continue on in the show! We also fed them some beef and enjoyed their compliments, even though we had nothing to do with the cooking of anything they ate. That was all thanks to P-squared and our wonderful, immensely talented beef squad!

Since the Bloomy's truck was part of the taping, the Rhino and I had to sign a legal waiver of sorts and that made us feel very posh and important. Then we put on our sunglasses, drank mucho beers, ate some spendy nachos, and conversated with the important celebrities for most of the afternoon. That was basically the extent of our participation in the taping session. But it sure was fun and reminded me of all the wonderful things the Rhino and I could have been doing had we ended up signing our own contract with the Food Network. But we didn't. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had though. I think we probably would have our own epically popular cooking show by now that would win Emmys and Golden Globes put together! Dammit! (My job on this cooking show would be to smile broadly and let the Rhino do all the things.)

Anyway, if you missed us at 612 Brew, there is still plenty of time this season to come out and grab some beef before the winter hits again. Check out our website calendar and pick your best beef day because you just never know when the beef cravings are going to strike and you might as well try to be proactive about it!

And then you can eat things like this!

Photo Op: Official proof of the Bloomy's classic sando! Which unofficially looks like this:

Photo Op: Unofficial proof of the Bloomy's classic sando!

See you at the truck, beef lovers!

~ Katie J

JULY 1, 2013

The MN Food Truck Fair and Other Things

Sheesh. You would think this blog episode would be all about turning 31 (which I did, five-ish days ago) and all the horrors and/or wonders that come with the thirtysomething birthday but, unfortunately, my life has gotten so insanely crazy that I can't even remember what happened this morning, let alone what happened five days ago. In fact, I'm pretty sure that, when the Rhino asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I answered with one of the following things:

(1) Sleep

(2) A day off

(3) Sleep

(4) A large, thin crust pepperoni and green olive pizza with cheesy garlic bread that I can eat in

its whole entirety without feeling guilty and while watching marathon episodes of Downton Abbey and falling asleep. Before which I will drink my own personal bottle of never-ending wine.

In any case, what I ended up doing (I think) was taking the day off work, doing some Bloomy's things, getting a pedicure, and falling asleep on the couch. (Partaaay! Woohoo!)

Thankfully, the Rhino and I haven't had nearly as many difficulties and/or challenges as we had last year. Which is great, because I was honestly starting to think that the Universe hated us. A lot. But this year we have adequate storage, enough power to run all of our equipment, a commercial kitchen, an awesome manager, an incredible team, and more catering requests than we know what to do with! Yayyy!

An anonymous blog reader once asked me recently what a typical schedule looks like for the Bloomy's beef squad, and so I decided to share it with everyone. Here it is in all its magical greatness.

The Bloomy's Truck Daily Beef Schedule

7:00am: Beef squad arrives and begins beef preparations to ensure readiness to leave facilities by exactly:

8:00am: Squad begins driving to downtown Minneapolis which takes forever due to rush hour traffickings and mucho stop lights and random St. Paul trains.

8:55am: Arrive in downtown Minneapolis and hide in top secret hiding spot until it's time to pull into the official parking meter area. (Caution: If you get to the parking meter spot even five seconds too early, the meter maid will write you a ticket! I mean, they literally stand there and everything and wait for the food trucks to break the laws! This is mainly because of the really sneaky rule-breaking meter stealing food trucks, not the Bloomy's truck, whose beef squad is trained to always follow all the rules even if it means getting a horribly sucky and out-of-the-way meter spot.)

8:58am: Begin driving to meter area while praying for a solidly successful meter spot; meanwhile, begin watching some other food trucks engage in law breaking, sneaky meter-stealing, and/or meter-reserving behaviors. (Not all food trucks! Only certain ones which will remain anonymous for suing-avoidance purposes.)

9:00am: Pull into successful meter area and either get a spot (yesss!) or drive around the blocks to find another more craptastic spot (boooo!). All this depends on: stop lights, number of early meter-stealers, number of illegal U-turn situations, number of meter reservers (i.e. people who park their cars in meter spots until the food trucks come and/or trucks who take up multiple meters until the truck they are in cahoots with shows up. THERE IS SO MUCH CAHOOTING IN THIS INDUSTRY!). Bloomy's hopefully finds a spot that isn't 1,000 blocks from the concentrated downtown area and updates social media so customers know where to find the beef!

11:00am: Window opens for beefy business!

11:00am – 2:30pm: Serve mucho beef loving customers with great food and above-average levels of customer service!

2:30pm: Window closes and truck heads back home. Tasks may include: filling up with water, filling up with propane, filling up with diesel fuels, checking tire pressures and neon yellow tab thingies to ensure all tires are intact, locking down all equipments, rocking out to good tunes on the radio, and generally having a great time.

3:30-4:00pm: Beef squad finishes cleanings and preppings for next day and heads home to live another day.

So you can see pretty easily that, even though the truck is only open for lunch, it's easily a full time gig for our beef squad manager P-squared. Not to mention all the added tasks when we throw in catering gigs or events on top of our normal lunch goodness!

Anyway, since we are still in mega cost-savings mode, this leaves many, many tasks to the Rhino and me for completion since he and I are still working for negative dollars:

(1) Event applications, permits, inspections, and government related paperworks including monthly taxes, quarterly taxes, and yearly taxes.

(2) Paying of the beef squad and the government and the sales taxes and all the bills and infinity taxes.

(3) Marketings and calendar updatings

(4) Catering requests, quotes, contracts, invoicing, bookkeepings, vendor payments, and related paperworkings

(5) Oil changes and all truck maintenance

(6) Paying and filing of all the additional taxes and fees related to all the taxes.

Anyway, I could go on for awhile longer but my fingers are getting tired and I'm nearly done with my lunch of salad and bacon bits and salad dressing. But you can see pretty easily that, although Bloomy's has been open for quite some time and the challenging difficult workings are somewhat over (not really), the Rhino and I still spend mucho, mucho time each week working on Bloomy's or Bloomy's-related things.

So it's no wonder that a few other things in our lives (like our memories and all memory related life-skills) have taken a permanent back seat. Oops! This also explains why the blogs have become more infrequent and shorter. Oops again! Sorry guys.... The blog is honestly my favorite part of all the workings described above, but it's also one of those "important but not critical" tasks that seems to get pushed to the end of the to-do listings more often than not. Or always.

Anyway in other news, the Bloomy's truck was invited to attend the second annual MN Food Truck Fair!! Yayyy!

Now, we did not attend the first annual MN Food Truck Fair last summer because I don't think we were invited. But that's okay because, if I remember correctly,* more people complained about the event than didn't. (This was mainly due to long lines, food trucks that sold out really early, and lack of overall human patience.) So I didn't end up feeling too bad about not being invited. But we were invited this year and went in expecting mega crowds and long lines and general debauchery. I'm happy to announce that we got everything we expected and more!

*I don't remember anything.

In fact, here is proof of our MN Food Truck Fair participation:

Photo Op: Proof of fair participation

What this photo only partially shows is the epical, never-ending line that continued until it reached the next truck's line and went even further still! In fact, I heard that most food truck lines were about 45 minutes long and that's probably why everyone is standing there in our line looking super bored and hungry. I'm pretty sure we served almost 400 people in total but, again, I can't remember my own middle name anymore, so don't quote me.

The Rhino and I got to eat at exactly one food truck during this event (but only had to wait in line for like 30 minutes) before having to bounce and attend a wonderful "dinner with friends" type occasion. Good thing, though, because the food truck served us a delicious taco-like concoction complete with crispy fried pork belly! After that, everything we could have eaten would have paled in comparison anyway. I had never had crispy fried pork belly before and immediately fell in love with it and everything it touched! Now I want crispy fried pork belly all the time for all my meals infinity! If you haven't tried crispy fried pork belly before, I urge you to try it even though it may sound gross. It is not gross at all. It is actually the best thing in the whole entire world! In fact, it is now competing with bacon for my personal Best Top Food Item Ever!

Now, if anyone knows where to get never-ending crispy fried pork belly outside of a food truck situation...I'd be really interested in hearing about that.

I'm off to clean the dressing off my face and sweater and keyboard, so I'll catch ya'll next time!

~ Katie J

JULY 2, 2013

Some Things I Forgot About

Something very incredibly important happened that I forgot to mention last time! Booo! I should have written it down in my remembering notebook, but I lost my notebook permanently and can't find it anywhere! I am sorry in advance to whoever finds that and reads it. DON'T STEAL ANY OF MY GOOD IDEAS!

Anyway what I was supposed to talk about was that the Bloomy's truck and beef squad manager, P-squared, were invited to appear on live television via the Fox 9 morning news segment!! What?! Oh yeah, that just happened!

This means that the Bloomy's truck traveled across town very early in the morning to the Fox 9 studios before the daily lunch schedule occurred. As we already know from the last post, the Bloomy's lunch schedule is very jam packed with beef-related workings but, when we asked P-squared about it, he said "no problemo!" and said that he would figure out a way to make the schedule work out even with the added live taping involved. And he did!

During this incredible segment, P-squared got to speak with local celebrity M.A. Rosko, and I got to sneak a picture of this:

Photo Op: Things Fox 9 showed on television. Also known as that time I did NOT meet local celebrity M.A. Rosko.

Thanks to P-squared for being super ready at the ungodly hour of 6:30am and rocking his live television segment interview with magical, effortless ease! Solid skill execution! I tried to find the link to this video so that everyone could watch how great P-squared did at his live television interview, but I couldn't find it anywhere. So here you go:

:

I also forgot to mention that the Bloomy's truck will be present at the epical 4th of July "Rock and Rockets" celebration at Mystic Lake casino, where I'm pretty sure the "Rock" part refers to the dope live music and the "Rockets" part refers to the rocket-like fireworks that will be shot about everywhere. The weather is supposed to be very wonderful and, remember, six months from now it will be wintery and below zero and generally horrendous, so get your butts outside and come get some beef!

~ Katie J

AUGUST 6, 2013

Rhino Gets Elected

The Rhino and I never used to be political. In fact, I'm not ashamed to say that whenever I took those free online "What Political Party Are You?" quizzes, I got the Green party. Like every time. I guess I was really confused on some of the questions and thought I was answering a quiz about parties (like "heeey ho heeey ho" + hands in the air type parties) and not a quiz about political platforms and my opinions on things. Now I'm older and know better about having opinions and attempt to avoid political matters whenever possible.

But sometimes political matters find you.

And that's what happened to the Rhino.

In fact, once we joined the MN Food Truck Association, and I quickly realized that celebrity food trucker Andrew Zimmern wasn't actually going to attend any of the meetings, I pretty much lost interest in going to the meetings full stop. However, the Rhino did not and, after a few meetings during which he brought up mucho valid and intelligent points,* the Rhino was officially elected to the MN Food Truck Association Board of Directors!!

*And during which I pretended to be very studious and write down meeting notes in a notebook when, in fact, I was drawing incredibly lifelike sketches of unicorns as demonstrated below.

Photo Op: Proof of adequate note taking and unicorn drawing skills. Also: proof of successful Rhino + Katie brainstorm on new words to describe the male period.

I don't know about you, but I am positively blown away by Rhino's official election!! Now I am engaged to a bona fide Board of Directors person and feel like I need to go out and buy a new formal dress and get a new first-lady-appropriate hairdo or something!

Since I'm not really sure how to act around the Rhino anymore, I have taken to saluting and/or bowing at the beginning and end of every conversation in hopes I'm achieving appropriate behavior protocol. I am also thinking about calling up Mrs. First Lady Michelle Obama to get her tips on how to act around important politicos. I'm thinking Lady Obama could maybe take me shopping at the Mall of America and give me some pointers on how to have super toned arms as well. But I don't know her phone number. And it's not listed in the phone book or on the Internet either. You'd think she didn't want weird people calling her up out of the blue and asking for her advice on things! Jeez. I wonder if I call up 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and ask to be transferred... great idea! I wish I still had my remembering notebook!

Meanwhile, the Rhino has started working on his Presidential hair and is practicing walking around the house while standing very erect with his shoulders back and down and having a firm but not too firm handshake. It's going super great so far, and I couldn't be more proud of my Board of Directors almost husband!

You might think that getting an unsolicited nomination and subsequent election to a very important and influential Board of Directors would turn Rhino into one of the following: egomaniac, narcissist, useless government fool, and/or annoying public debater, but it hasn't. Yet. I mean, he hasn't actually gone to any official Board meetings or anything, so I guess we will see how his personality evolves over time.

In other news. In only ONE month, the Rhino and I plan to embark on an epical journey to a very magical world called Las Vegas, where we plan to (1) party, (2) get hitched, and (3) party profusely. I am not nervous at all, and I have not accidentally lost 13 pounds due to over-nervousness. Eeeks!

Rhino is already planning to place lucky bets on mucho football and craps while winning us lots of dollars on both football and craps. We are planning to use these winning dollars to both pay for our wedding in full and to purchase a "his and hers" winter shovel kit. I might have accidentally cut my bangs too short AGAIN in preparation for the wedding and post-wedding shovel kit purchase, but I'm hoping they will grow out in time for our wedding-day photo ops.

In other other news, the summer is rapidly coming to an end already and the food truck season went by so fast that I don't remember any of it. (Except the parts that are in this 100 percent accurate blog/ historical book of exaggerated fiction. I keep saying this so people don't sue me and/or think mean comments towards me. I'm so afraid!)

Catch you next time!

~ Katie J

SEPTEMBER 13, 2013

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Bloomy's Roast Beef

On September 8 and after mucho date and location changes, the Rhino and I did something we will hopefully never have to repeat with anyone else ever.

We got hitched!

More specifically, we got hitched in Las Vegas, in the wonderful and majestic place known as Mandalay Bay, with 36ish of our closest and dearest family and friends.

Here is a recap of absolutely everything that went down during that magical, epical weekend.

Friday – The Day We Go To Vegas

(1) Fly into Vegas and upgrade to the "upper middle class" seats that cost $49 extra (each) and offer the added benefits of one extra inch of legroom (this is the only benefit I noticed) (2) check into our Honeymoon Palace, and (3) host a social hour for our guests before (4) heading off to our respective Bachelor and Bachelorette parties.

Thankfully, the Bachelor/Bachelorette parties were both successful and safe, with no one ending up in jail or prison and with only one prostitute sighting!

Photo Op: Rhino & me in our Honeymoon Palace with our Epical Honeymoon Palace View. This palace is bigger than our house!

Saturday – The Day We Relax and Celebrate

I wake up and realize pretty quickly that I am super, epically hung over from all the earlier partyings. So, so incredibly hung over. While I'm attempting (poorly) to rejuvenate, the Rhino and his BFF, Ron, apply an amazing Hangover-esque face tattoo to the Rhino's facial area before heading down to the poolside cabana we reserved for the day. I stay in the room and drink loads of carrot juice as part of the rejuvenation attempts. Then I barf up loads of carrot juice.

Photo Op: Proof of facial tattoo, and proof of me in the background being hung over and looking like an angry hungover death monster.

I give myself exactly one hour in which to barf and be hungover before pulling myself together and walking down to the cabana completely alone and feeling like death. I get lost several times and also get into the wrong (super long) line several times. Mainly because I am so hungover and can neither think nor function correctly. The Rhino is not answering his phone so I have to function by myself with no help, and the woman at the carding desk thinks I'm looking too much like death to let me into the cabana. But I end up verbal judoing her and swearing up and down it's simply an alcohol-induced hangover and not an addiction to methamphetamines or an impending stroke. Then I actively listen for some street truths per the verbal judo trainings that I never did. The carding lady winds up feeling sorry for me and letting me through, and I end up locating the cabana just in time.

Because then this happened:

Relax, it's only Rhino's BFF, Ron, under that unicorn hat! I like this picture because both of our dads are the background and, thankfully, it looks like they are both laughing. And also because the Rhino is wearing his official Bloomy's t-shirt so you guys can finally see it in full effect! While he's riding a unicorn! My favorite of all the real animals! This is the best day ever!

Turns out, the poolside cabana is located just steps from a live commercial filming, for which someone either bussed or flew in loads of ultra-skinny ladies/go-go dancers in tiny un-bikinis so they could dance on or near poles and jiggle their butt cheeks at everyone. The same folks also flew/bussed in loads of orangey spray tanned muscle men so they could walk around flexing their biceps and talking about how tough it is to be a professional server while also making time for male modeling. As you can probably imagine, this made for mega sight-seeing opportunities and mucho infinity laughs. They were also giving out free pimp hats (the pool workers, not the ridiculously good looking orange male models) so all of our wedding guests got surprise wedding favors in the form of cool free pimp hats! In addition, we also spotted the same prostitute group as we had the night before and that made the day a whole lot better!

After infinity hours of successful celebrations at the cabana, a semi-challenging visit to go obtain our marital license, and a very successful hangover power-through rally by yours truly, we head to a magical and epical show called "O" by Cirque du Soleil. Which ends up being the most incredible thing I've ever seen up close. Really, it's really the best thing I've ever seen! Go see it immediately. Like now!

After the show, Rhino and I get separated at the Bellagio fountains and Rhino gets so mad at me and my lack of spatial relation and direction-giving skills that he doesn't talk to me for almost the whole ride back to the Honeymoon Palace. Then he forgives me for being mentally challenged, because he knows that my brain isn't being a total asshole on purpose and I really truly can't help being a total moron when it comes to directions or knowing where I am located. Then we collapse into bed at like 11:00pm.

Sunday – The Day of the Wedding

Some of the boys gather at some of the various downstairs casino bars to enjoy the premier of NFL Football regular season or some such thing. Meanwhile, some of the girls go out to brunch and then get all dolled up in the Honeymoon Palace.

I proceed to get my hair and makeup done by some man with smelly cigarette fingers and very long snarly hair who ends up doing a super awesome job with everything! Then, when he gives me the option to have Vegas Eyes or not have Vegas Eyes, I opt to definitely have the Vegas Eyes even though I have no idea what that means. I am very nervous/eager to see what all the Vegas Eyes fuss is about but I end up not having to be nervous/eager at all! What they ended up including was lots and lots of eyeliner and some very incredibly epically long fake eyelashes that made my eyes look like actual eyes and not like little invisible slits in my face!

Photo Op: Proof of my Vegas Eyes with my very long, very fake eyelashes. I will never be able to recreate these eyes, ever. Also, my very handsome and intelligent brother looking very happy that I finally found someone crazy enough to marry me and who I hope doesn't sue me for using this picture of him without permission.

Then, the Event occurs. And it all happens so fast, I can barely remember any of it.

Except I remember these cupcakes:

And that the Rhino tried to run away, but thankfully he didn't.

Then, even better*. We proceed to party epically for most of the night!

*I'm joking. Calm down.

Then, this happened:

Photo Op: Proof of hallway after-party. Guess who took this photo op? JamieDelish! The Bloomy's Creative Director!

Once we are done partying epically, the Rhino and I get back to the room at like 3:30am and soak our aching feet in our monster jacuzzi tub. Then, we proceed to have an overly emotional moment and cry and sob all over each other for the next 1.5 hours. We finally collapse into bed around 5:00ish am and don't leave the bed until 5:00ish pm the next day. Did we order room service three times? Yes. I am not ashamed, because we have scheduled exactly one honeymoon day, and I'm going to spend it ordering room service and gazing out the window at our bossome Vegas view while watching TV in bed and doing other such newlywed things.

Here are more photos for you to look at:

Tuesday – The Day of Going Home

We regretfully check out of the Honeymoon Palace, and I finally realize why celebrities enjoy being celebrities and do such amazing things as check into fancy hotel rooms and live there for infinity: Because it's awesome. So incredibly awesome. I super want to live in the Honeymoon Palace forever!!

Then, when the Rhino goes to collect his football betting winnings, I sit down at a slot machine trying to win enough money to make me into a super multi billionaire so I can re-check into the Honeymoon Palace and live there for eternity, and I end up winning $50!

Because I only won $50 and not a billion dollars, the Rhino and I have mucho more work to do and many more dollars to earn before we can live in Honeymoon Palaces and order room services all the time, so we eventually return home to our normal lives and immediately go back to the grind of Bloomy's and day jobs. It takes me about two hours to realize I can't remember anything that happened in Las Vegas at all.

At least we had one honeymoon day and have wonderful future plans to go somewhere tropical come winter.

In Conclusion

I highly recommend the following things:

(1) Getting married in Las Vegas

(2) Going to Las Vegas

(3) Gambling in Las Vegas

(4) Going to "O" by Cirque du Soleil

(5) Taking a tropical honeymoon during the winter time

(6) Ordering mucho room service

Hey, you only live once, right?

~ Katie B. (YEAH! Katie B. in the house! What? What?)

SEPTEMBER 16, 2013

More Events and Other Happenings

After one honeymoon day, my new hubby and I jumped right back into the proverbial saddle and attended the great Canterbury Food Truck Festival! For those of you who aren't aware, Canterbury is this amazing place where one can go to bet on horses and win loads of money and listen to sometimes live music. The Canterbury Food Truck Festival is a great event that combines all the abovementioned amazingness with something totally balls: food trucks! Obvi!

After a quick peek at the AZ Canteen food truck to see if celebrity personality Andrew Zimmern was there (he wasn't), the Rhino and I spent some time rubbing elbows with other food truckers and also meeting up with some new business entrepreneurs trying to launch a virtual food truck business called Foodsby. The event was so packed that the Bloomy's truck sold out of absolutely 100 percent of everything!

Photo Op: Proof of Canterbury event success.

Something most people don't know about events like this is that it costs loads of dollars just to get a spot. For example, this particular event required the following:

(1) $200 event fee

(2) A MN state operating permit ($266) or

(3) Special event license ($95)

We also could not sell any beverages during this event but that's okay because it just made more room for beef!

But anyway, the moral of the story is that even if Bloomy's has a super balls day and sells out of all the roast beef and serves like a thousand million people, we still have to slice several hundos of dollars right off the top of our earnings. That's a lot of beef sandos, folks. Also, some cities in Minnesota don't even recognize the state permit ($266) and require a separate permit that costs anywhere between $90 and $800! So basically this year, the Rhino and I had to get like eleven different permits so the Bloomy's truck could go about the normal day to day. Not including our catering permit! Boo to all the rules and permits!

Anyway, it's all good since that's just the way it goes and is the price of doing business, so to speak. But, next time, when a brick and mortar restaurant complains about food trucks not having to pay property taxes and things, just know that we have to pay like a cajillion dollars just to go anywhere. So there!

In other news, being married is really great so far and I highly recommend it to anyone trying to decide between getting married and not getting married. Although nothing really changed except my last name since the Rhino and I have been living in total sin since six weeks after I met him. Oops! But he gave me salsa on our first date, so I knew he was a very good man. Plus my lease was up at my apartment. Also, here is some advice from someone who has had a very successful marriage for quite some time (eight days): Marriage is for life. Don't ever forget that. It will last longer than any of these things: your job, your car, your favorite pair of pants, your hair, your cell phone, your computer, your television set, some natural resources, and anything else you can think of. So only do it if you really mean to do it until you die.

Anyway, I'm back to my lame-o day job again as my furious face-stuffing lunch has officially ended. (PS - Whoever invented day jobs can lick it! Jerkos! Thanks for ruining my life over and over again Monday through Friday!)

Before I go, know that the 2013 food truck season is very rapidly coming to a close. Check out our events calendar for our remaining stops this year which includes at least one more visit to the epical 612 Brew with all its yummy beers and an first-ever appearance at the very scary Zombie Pub Crawl where we will have lots of brains and blood for hungry zombies everywhere!

Brains!

~ Katie B.

NOVEMBER 11, 2013

A Very Large, Very Difficult, Very Important Announcement is Made

I have to admit that the Rhino and I have been struggling with something for quite some time. Over the past few months, as we've talked about our new lives as husband and wife and our desire to pop out a kid or two* before getting too horribly old, we realized something that was infinitely difficult for us to accept and admit out loud. But we finally did. On our wedding night.

*Goodbye forever sometimes-flat belly! Nice knowing you!

The last couple of years with Bloomy's have been so incredible. More than incredible, actually. They've been life-changing. If you had asked either of us before we started this adventure if we ever saw ourselves owning an award-winning restaurant, we would have laughed in your face and called you an overly imaginative ass hat. But it happened. It was everything from exciting to challenging to downright exhausting, but we did it. And we realized something infinitely important in the process.

Life is short.

Life is so damn short, you guys. It is super brutally short. The people you love will one day be gone. You will one day be gone. I hate to say it like that, but it's true. And when those moments come, you will wish with your whole heart that you had more time.

The Rhino and I were starting to struggle with how much time we were spending working. Between our day jobs and the food truck, we literally had no free time at all. And, although Bloomy's has brought so much joy and interestingness to our lives, we have also realized that it is an incredibly demanding business that takes up nearly all of our time and attention.

Restaurant businesses are a 24/7 deal. There's no getting around that. Having a restaurant means you work all the time. All The Time. Attempted getaway weekends can (and are) cut short by mechanical malfunctions. Tires fall off. Fridges get left open. Equipment needs fixing. Employees need help and support and growth and development and the commitment from their employers that they'll have jobs come winter. Relationships need forging. Paperwork needs filling out. Governments need all your dollars. Things need cleaning. The to-do list never stops growing and it never gets shorter. There is always something happening. There is always work that has to be done.

To make a restaurant successful, you not only need a great brand and great food and great customers and great employees, but you also need to love the work with your whole entire heart. Restaurants are not for the weary or the weak. They're for the folks who are passionate about being restaurateurs and willing to devote their whole lives to their passions. Often at the sacrifice of things like having a family and spending time with friends.

As Bloomy's became bigger and more successful and demanding, the Rhino and I started feeling more and more like we were caught between the world of our day jobs and our "side" jobs with Bloomy's. We knew we had to take the next step to keep the business growing while being able to offer year-round employment to our beef squad. We even had our eyes on a building that was for sale in Minneapolis, knowing that the next step to make Bloomy's weather independent was to transition it to a brick and mortar.

However, we knew taking that step would mean a commitment of lots more dollars and at least four or five more years of non-stop work. We also knew that taking the next step meant delaying starting a family indefinitely. Meanwhile, our schedules were taking a major toll on us, our relationships, our health, and our happiness.

On our wedding night, the Rhino and I took a moment to look around at all the special people we have in our lives and realized something shocking: we hadn't seen most of them in months, and hadn't seen some of them in well over a year. We realized then that we had been spending so much of our lives focusing on Bloomy's that we were oblivious as to how much we had actually given up along the way.

For all the money Bloomy's would have made us (millions and billions infinity!), the Rhino and I realized that there were so many other much more important things in our lives that were passing us by. Of the four years we've been together, three years have been spent as business partners. We hadn't had a non-Bloomy's related conversation in longer than we could remember. We didn't even know who we were outside of Bloomy's anymore. Free time had become something we heard about but rarely (rarely) experienced. There was too much working, too little playing, and way too many regrets starting to build up in our hearts.

When we realized that (on our wedding night), we may or may not have started sobbing uncontrollably, wondering what in the world to do next. We'd just spent three years building something incredible but found ourselves further away from the lives we wanted than ever before.

So, later that night, we ended up making A Very Large, Very Difficult, Very Important Decision.

And a few weeks later, we made A Very Large, Very Difficult, Very Important Announcement.

And the announcement is as follows:

_" **After three years in business and two wonderful beef-serving seasons, we have decided to put our food truck up for sale."**_

And then this happened:

And then I cried some more.

It was absolutely the right thing to do, but so incredibly hard. You guys have no idea how hard it was. I felt sick for days. I grieved. The Rhino grieved. It was awful. But it was, without a doubt, what was right for us and the lives we want for ourselves and our family.

If you're shocked, join the club. It shocked everyone, including us. We decided to close almost exactly one year after we were named one of the top food trucks in the country. After we'd found the most wonderful manager and built the most wonderful team imaginable. After we spent three years dedicating thousands and thousands of hours to the business, forgoing everything else in the process.

There's so much more to life than a clock, a computer screen, and a paycheck. It is time for the Rhino and me to reclaim ourselves, get some of our time back, get to know each other again, share our lives with the people who mean so much to us, and enjoy being actual newlyweds instead of newly-wed business partners.

So there you go.

To those of you who came to the truck every day to get your favorite sando and are now left crippled by Bloomy's cravings, I'm sorry. I understand more than you know. The beef was so good. So, so good. It will live on in my memory forever. And the tots. Let us forever remember those damn beer cheese topped crispy little tots. I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL I DIE!!

DECEMBER 1, 2013

Then, Unfortunately, This Happened

Er – right. So, unfortunately, I might have spent a lot of dollars getting Bloomy's trademarked. Mainly because of the Food Network interviews for the reality show that we ended up deciding not to proceed with. I just didn't want anyone to steal any of our ideas and thought it would be a really good idea to apply for a trademark with the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

Turns out, it was not a really good idea. Because we decided to close. And now I have this.

But, in any event, maybe after the Rhino and I have kids and retire and finally get our dollars from somewhere else (not from selling roast beef), we may think about reopening. But only if it means I can eat more tots.

Damn, those tots were so good!

Long live all the tots infinity!

~ Katie B

DECEMBER 15, 2013

The End of an Era

The last few weeks have been spent relentlessly cleaning and re-cleaning the former Bloomy's truck to get it ready for winter storage. The vendors have been notified, the inventory exhausted, the logos stripped and tossed in the garbage pail. Hundreds of dollars of cleaning supplies have been used to eradicate every last bit of Bloomy's from the truck. Equipment was taken out and deep cleaned and put back in. Oil bits were scraped out of the fryer bin by glove-enclosed hand (disgusting) and the entire thing is now spic and span and gleaming like it's brand new again. The truck has been officially transferred out of the former detention center/prison to its new storage spot on Ryan's mom's lawn where it is being snowed in as we speak.

And the Rhino and I have officially concluded our three-year long foray into the world of restaurants, roast beef, and Twin Cities food trucks.

To those of you who supported us through Kickstarter, reading the blog, visiting the truck, providing recipe suggestions, helping with party planning, video editing, sleuthing, and moral support: Thank You.

Thank you so, so much. We never could have done this without you.

I recently asked the Rhino what his favorite part of Bloomy's was, and he said it was definitely how having Bloomy's made us much more interesting as people and made other people like us a lot more than they otherwise would and ask us more interesting questions about ourselves than they otherwise would. The Rhino also super enjoyed talking about Bloomy's to the interested parties and saying lots of cool and useful things and getting lots more attention than he was used to getting. So I guess now we will go back to being a boring couple without a food truck instead of the balls couple with a food truck that we used to be. I wonder what people will ask us about now. Probably nothing.

As for me, I'm pretty sure my favorite part was this:

And writing this blog, which has actually turned out to be incredibly life-changing for me.

I've been a writer my whole life but never wanted to admit it due to some ingrained idea from childhood that writing was a stupid career choice that would surely result in me living in some dumpster somewhere and begging for food and dollars off people who were more successful at life. But now that Bloomy's has helped both the Rhino and me realize the importance of filling our lives with things we are passionate about, I have dedicated the whole next year to becoming an official writer complete with actual paycheck and everything. Turning the Bloomy's blog into this here e-book was step number one. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the show.

Until the next adventure finds us....

~ Ryan & Katie Bloomstrom

Le Fin*

_*_ Le Fin _(n): A fancy French way of saying "The End."_

Epi-blog

In the two seasons Bloomy's Roast Beef was on the road, it served over 11,000 pounds of roast beef to nearly 26,000 customers. Bloomy's appeared in the news or on television over 40 times, was awarded the #95 spot on the list of Top 101 Food Trucks in America by Daily News in 2012, and was nominated for Mobile Cuisine's 2012 Rookie of the Year award. The Bloomy's classic roast beef sandwich was named the Best Twin Cities $5 Roast Beef Sandwich by Minneapolis-St. Paul on the Cheap, and Bloomy's was one of five food trucks highlighted in Mpls. St. Paul magazine's annual Best of the Twin Cities 2012 summer edition. By the time it closed, Bloomy's had built a social network following of over 5,000 beef lovers.

Ryan and I remain awed to this day by the truck's nearly instantaneous success. Although Bloomy's has been closed since late 2013, we continue to receive calls on weekly basis from customers requesting a special appearance by the Twin Cities beloved roast beef beast.

Acknowledgements

There are an infinity number of people to thank for this story, and here are some of them in no particular order.

First, I'd like to thank our former behemoth of a beef business, Bloomy's Roast Beef. Without you, there would be no story. Or there would be one, but it would be very incredibly boring.

Next, I would like to thank all of these people:

\- All of our wonderful Kickstarter backers for helping support us with your dollars and good vibrations.

\- Dan for providing us with your delicious coleslaw recipe.

\- The Doe family for your ongoing support and sleuthing skills.

\- Shelley and Bob for your constant support and encouragement and for allowing the Bloomy's truck to take over your lawn on numerous occasions.

\- Jessica for your wonderful sando creation.

\- Everyone who attended the freezing cold launch party, risking both health and sanity.

\- Ron for your partnership, relentless support, good ideas (except for the Ridiculously Short Photo Op), musical taste, and super best friendship.

\- JamieD for your movie editing and party planning skills.

\- Lori and Dave for attending the test kitchen party and for your friendship and encouragement.

\- All of our wonderful Bloomy's customers.

\- The Bloomy's beef squads and talented, hard-working managers Bridger and Peter. None of this would have been possible without you.

\- My dear friend Chau for being so amazing and wonderful in all ways possible, and to Mike, the real George Michael, for the best sando idea ever.

\- My mother, for the great Bloomy's truck image used in several of this e-book's incredibly accurate illustrations.

\- Papa Kirk for your infinity hours of very hard and intense labor and for navigating every possible issue with total ease.

\- Papa Steve for your emotional support when my whack attacks became a daily occurrence.

\- Our original blog readers, without whom I never would have thought that anyone would be interested in reading anything I had to write.

\- Bruce for your super-assistance in helping find a storage spot for Bloomy1.

And last (but first) to my husband. My wonderful, handsome, sweet Rhino. Without you, I would still be wandering around aimlessly, trying to find my way home.

About the Author

Katie Bloomstrom is the author of the Samantha Stone mystery novels. When she's not writing, Katie enjoys reading all the books she can get her hands on. She's also an avid walker, wanderluster, gardener, day trader, and Netflix-watcher. Katie holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology from the University of Minnesota and a master's degree in Psychology from St. Mary's University. She is on the Board of Directors of her local natural foods co-op and is the founder of Free by 45 \- a website dedicated to achieving financial independence. Katie lives in Minnesota with her husband and is looking forward to early retirement.

Follow Katie on Twitter at @katiebloomstrom or on her website www.katiebloomstrom.wix.com/katiebloomstrom

