 
### Neighbors

### The Lawyer and the Pig Farmer

### ~

David C. Heyman

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2010, David C. Heyman

License Notes, Smashwords Edition

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# Table of Contents

Synopsis

Cast of Characters

Act 1, Scene 1

Act 1, Scene 2

Act 1, Scene 3

Act 2, Scene 1

Act 2, Scene 2

Act 2, Scene 3

Act 3, Scene 1

Act 3, Scene 2

Act 3, Scene 3

Act 3, Scene 4

#  Synopsis

_Neighbors_ is a three-act play suggested for presentation on a raised stage in front of the audience. The scenes are inside the lawyer Desanto's home, and one scene inside the farmer Solomon's home. One scene, involving a couple, takes place in a pick-up truck in the woods on a nearly-dark stage.

Duke and Gretchen Desantos, with their two teen-aged children, Lisa and Greg, are city people turned rural, who have lived for six years on a twenty-acre lot surrounded by rich woodland and wild animals. As a practicing attorney, Duke boasts of his accomplishments protecting the environment, while in reality he furthers his own selfish interests. Gretchen loves her home, but her husband rarely thinks of anything but his work. She misses city life and suffers from loneliness.

Thirteen-year old Lisa loves deer, especially the fawn that sleeps next to the garage. Greg is fifteen and his spirits rise, when he finds out Holly Solomon, a 'hot' girl in his classes is coming to see the deer with Lisa.

Holly is the daughter of Billy and Esther Solomon who live in an older home next door situated on 500 acres. The two families have not been friendly, probably because Duke forced the Solomons to quit raising pigs. Duke has a plan for the entire neighborhood to deal as a unit with gas exploration companies. All he needs is for the Solomons to join the corporation which he expects to head.

Dina, Gretchen's sister and previously Duke's sectretary, and her husband, Fred, come to visit. A neighborhood meeting, with politicians included, takes place at the Desantos' home. The Solomons put off joining the group, but Gretchen becomes enamored by Billy, who is handsome and intelligent. Esther appears nice, but plain. Fred, too, is an attorney and Duke enlists him in his causes, including a project he has been working on for windmills on Bear Mountain. He claims that with Fred's law association representing Bear Mountain Township, and with him working for Oakstone Electric Corp., there would be no conflict of interest.

The subject of safety from animals and robbers comes up at the meeting. While jogging, Duke and Fred see a black bear and a large road-killed snake. Fred decides to buy a rifle for protection. He pays no attention to warnings that he should get safety lessons from a qualified person and he cannot wait to try out the rifle. He fires it into the woods from his doorway. Lisa is afraid the deer will be frightened. Duke's shoulder is in pain from the recoil of the rifle. Billy, Dina, and Gretchen try to help.

Gretchen says she has never seen the herd of deer along the access road to both properties, and Billy offers to take her to spot the deer at night. Dina sees the offer as a bid for Billy to be alone with Gretchen. Knowing Duke, she advises her sister to go ahead. The encounter takes place in Billy's truck on the dark access road while spotting deer. The stage is set with headlights only and the voices seem to come from an intercom.

Holly is visiting Lisa, when she hears her father disparage Billy. She feels indignant and furious and runs home crying with Greg chasing her through the woods. Gretchen follows, hoping to make Holly feel better. A little later, Duke and Fred follow, with Duke taking his rifle for protection. Duke trips in the woods and he accidentally fires his gun into a window of the Solomon's house. Esther calls the police.

The confrontation with the police ends with Duke, Fred, and Dina being taken to the police station. However, they are soon released. At home, Duke finally faces his own ego.

#  Cast of Characters

1. Duke Desantos - a lawyer politician who represents green causes

2. Gretchen Desantos - Duke's wife, 39 years old

3. Greg Desantos - Desantos' 15-year-old son

4. Lisa Desantos - Desantos'' 13-year-old daughter

5. Mark Silverstein - County Commissioner

6. Lester Leonard - President of Homesteader's Association

7. Billy Solomon - the farmer next door

8. Esther Solomon - Billy's wife

9. Jesus Hernandez - Solicitor

10. Honey Solomon - Solomons' 15 year-old daughter

11. Dina Already - sister of Gretchen Desantos

12. Fred Already - Dina's husband

13. Farmer one

14. Farmer two

15. Policeman 1

16. Policeman 2

17. Homeowner

#  ACT 1, SCENE 1

A modern suburban home. The lighted stage front is a view of the Desantos' living room. The main outside entrance is at the right front. It is kept dark until the doorbell rings. Then the light comes on. There could be a ramp or a short set of steps to the front entrance. (To save stage space). At the darkened right rear is the door to the attached garage. At upstage left are two large French doors opening into the kitchen garden. On the right, next to the garage entry is a stairway to upstairs bedrooms.

At mid-stage is a free-standing fireplace with a flue rising to the peak of the beamed ceiling. At rear are two living room walls, through which daylight can be seen, and modern windows with rich drapes. In front of the right wall are a contemporary sofa and chair and a coffee table. Two similar chairs are in front of the left wall. Duke's desk is down stage with enough space for him to pace back and forth.

The front door chime sounds again, the front outside light turns on, (motion detector) and there is a figure at the door. Lisa, a skinny thirteen-year old dressed in short shorts and a T-shirt runs across the stage to the door.

**Lisa** : "I'm coming, Honey!"

**Greg** : _Appearing from the kitchen backstage_. "Honey? The girl next door? She's here?" _He sweeps his hair back with his hand_. "Wow!"

**Lisa** : "We're going to look for the fawn that sleeps behind our garage with his mother."

**Greg** : "Dad doesn't like the Solomons very much. Too bad, because Honey is on of the hottest girls in my class."

**Lisa** : "Stop drooling! She's a nice girl. I talked to her in school. And she loves deer, just like I do. Who says we have to like the same people our parents like? I told Honey about the fawn and she wanted to see it." _The front entranceway (motion detector) brightens as she opens the door._

"Hi, Honey. Come in."

Honey is a gorgeous fifteen-year-old blonde in short shorts and a T-shirt.

**Honey** : "Thanks for inviting me. I'd love to see the fawn."

**Greg** : _Gets up the nerve to interrupt._ "Hi, Honey!" he says.

**Honey** : "Hello, Greg. Haven't I seen you in school?"

**Greg** : _With a shy smile._ "Of course. We're in the same geometry class."

**Honey** : "Are you good in geometry? I could use help with my homework."

**Greg** : "Yes. I'm great at geometry." _He thinks it over._ "Maybe, not great, but I'll be glad to help you."

**Honey** : 'Good. It would be nice to have somebody to study with."

**Greg** : _Smiles happily, and Honey turns back to Lisa._

**Honey** : "What a beautiful home you have! It's so bright and cheerful - and so modern! With a white fireplace in the center of the room. How cool!"

**Lisa** : "Our house is six years old. My Mom designed everything on the inside."

**Honey** : "It must be nice to have modern parents. My parents are OK, but they're old-fashioned. Our house is a plain old farm house. And my Dad built most of the furniture himself. Our fireplace is brick and covered with soot. What does your Dad do?"

**Lisa** : "He's a lawyer, and he's very important. He protects the environment."

**Honey** : "From what?"

**Lisa** : "From nasty big companies, like the ones that wanted to scrape the top off Bear Mountain to put up windmills. He had to work hard to keep Bear Mountain green. My Dad should have been in that movie we saw in school, 'An Inconvenient Truth' by what's-his-name, who used to be Vice-President."

**Honey** : "That's one of those old guys, Al somebody or other. My Dad thinks some of what the environmental people say is not logical, and that we should wait for better evidence."

**Lisa** : "But 'Global Warming' is true, and my father thinks we have to do something about it!"

**Honey** : "My Dad reads a lot, and some weather people say there is a chance that the earth is going into a cooling period. But you are really lucky to have a father who knows about those things. My Dad is just a farmer. In fact, we used to raise pigs."

**Lisa** : "I've heard that before. Some day you will have to tell me more about raising pigs. Are they fun?"

**Honey** : "Not exactly."

**Lisa** : "Come on. Let's look for the fawn." _Lisa reaches for a wall switch. The entranceway dims and the door to the garage brightens._

**Greg** : _Re-entering the room smiling._ "I'll go with you. I want to see the fawn, too."

Lisa is ready to lead them through the right rear door to the garage. But they hesitate as Duke enters and paces back and forth at front stage, in an agitated manner. He keeps his eye on the children, and when they are gone, he speaks to the audience. He looks as though he is rehearsing an address to a jury.

**Duke** : _Clears his throat._ "It's my job to protect the environment. It's your job to help me! Do I not express what you feel and know to be true? Your concerns are my concerns. Some of you have been part of the green movement and know what we have accomplished together. Think of what would have happened on Bear Mountain, if we had not united and fought the evil corporation that threatened to destroy it! The same thing that happens in West Virginia now, when they dynamite the tops of mountains to get to the coal below! And they fill the valleys and river beds with mountain debris! But you are lucky. You have me!"

_Duke looks out at the audience._ "Some of you have read about me in newspapers, like the 'Daily Webb.' My photo has been sent all over the country. And I don't mean on a 'Wanted Poster'--- ( _He laughs to himself_ ) -but as a ground-breaking environmentalist. Pardon the pun. I wouldn't be surprised if the Governor picks me to head a state agency, like the EPA, or the Watershed Society, or the Minerals and Resources Department, or the State Park Commission, or the Department of Energy, or the State Department of Energy Resources. There's a wonderful group of bureaucracies, and I know how to tweak them! A dream job. I'll be able to do what I'm trained to do: investigate polluters, reprimand big companies, and scare the hell out of people I find are evil doers—because that's what you want me to do!"

_The phone rings_. _Greg walks back in to answer it._

**Greg** : "It's for you, Dad." _He hands the phone to Duke and walks back out the garage door._

**Duke** : _Makes sure the children are gone. He answers,_ "The last 500 acres are as good as ours. The owner, whom I know a little, is a pig farmer. Pig farmers may know how to raise pigs, but not much else. He's clueless.

"And I mean that. Without-a-clue! You will meet him at my place. ( _Pause as he listens_ ).

"I plan to keep my proposal simple. I don't want to bewilder our guests, but if I have to, I'll baffle them with bullshit. No. No. Office meetings are no good at all for this sort of thing. They attract reporters and secretaries who can't keep secrets, or other riff-raff. You can't do anything at Town Hall anymore." _He looks up as Lisa and Honey enter._

**Duke** : "Silverstein. I'll talk to you later. Don't forget our meeting tomorrow morning." _He turns to the girls._ "Who is this?"

**Lisa** : "This is Honey. She lives next door."

**Honey** : "Hello, Mr. Desantos. Nice to meet you."

**Duke** : "You must be Solomon's daughter!"

**Lisa** : _Interrupting_. "Of course. She's Honey Solomon."

**Duke** : "Nice to meet you. How is your father?"

**Honey** : "He's fine."

**Duke** : "What is he doing these days?"

**Honey** : "He's farming. He grows corn."

**Duke** : "And your mother?"

**Honey** : "She's fine, too. She has a garden. She cooks and preserves vegetables and fruits."

**Duke** : "You must have a large freezer."

**Honey** : "We don't have a freezer at all. She preserves food in glass jars."

**Duke** : _He strokes his chin._ "Really?"

**Honey** : "Really, Mr. Desantos.

**Duke** : _In a patronizing way._ "It sounds interesting—storing food in glass jars. One doesn't have to worry about the electricity going off. Maybe, if someone told Mrs. Desantos about it, she might get interested in jarring food."

**Honey** : "We call it 'canning' - -even if we use jars."

**Duke** : "Maybe, when your parents come to our breakfast meeting tomorrow, your Mom can tell Mrs. Desantos about it. I'm sure she will be interested."

**Honey** : _Turning to Lisa._ "It's too bad the deer weren't here today. But I am glad I saw where they sleep."

**Duke** :"What deer are you talking about?"

**Lisa** : "Our deer. The doe and her fawn that sleep next to our garage."

**Duke** :"We can't allow that. They are like big rats. They eat everything!"

**Honey** : "I don't think they will eat your flowers, Mr. Desantos. They prefer my father's corn."

**Duke** : "Why doesn't he just shoot them?"

**Honey** : "Shoot them? Why would he do that? He's got plenty of corn. We used to raise pigs and feed the corn to them."

**Duke** : "I know. You can bet that I know."

**Greg** : _Noting that his father and Honey are becoming antagonistic._ "Girls, let's go out and look at the garden."

**Lisa** : "Come this way, Honey" _Bright sunlight shines through the French doors into the family room._

**Duke:** _Listens to the children's voices as they leave._

**Voice #1:** "The fawn's bed is amazing! It looks so comfortable!"

**Voice #2:** "It's easy to see where the flowers and the bushes are bent over."

**Voice #3:** "Isn't it cute?"

**Voice #1:** "They must think they are safe from the coyotes there."

**Duke** : _Still at center stage, talking to himself_. "Deer? Coyotes? In my yard? I'll have to get a gun! Why, I might even join the NRA! I should do that. Find out how they do business, so I can sue them if I have to." _He laughs and begins to pace slowly._

From the left side of the stage a truck engine roars loudly, twice. And a horn sounds a 'Ba-whoop!'. We can hear the truck pull away. Gretchen runs in from the kitchen garden. She's wearing very short gardening pants and a remarkable tight T-shirt. With her ash-blonde hair, she appears younger than she is. She prances in and gives a smug smile to her husband.

**Gretchen** : "He blew his horn at me! And raced his engine!"

**Duke** : "What were you doing?"

**Gretchen** : "Hoeing. Just hoeing. The children were walking up the access road, but the driver was smiling at me."

**Duke** : "Just how were you hoeing?"

**Gretchen** : "Like this." She bends over, pretending to hoe. Her rear end is high.

**Duke** : "You are bad! Really, bad! I can see why he honked."

**Gretchen** : "At least he noticed. That's a lot more than you do. And you know you can play in my garden anytime."

**Duke** : _Fending her off,_ "Can't you see. I'm busy—that I'm preoccupied?

"Besides, I notice. But I'm not the type who would blow a horn at a woman. I wouldn't want to embarrass her **.** Maybe you should stop wearing those clothes in the garden."

**Gretchen** : "I was in my own garden. Shouldn't I be able to dress the way I want to? Really it's not an expressway. It's just a driveway to our property and the Solomons' fields."

**Duke** : "I would not be surprised if traffic increases on our road."

**Gretchen** : "Yes, our neighbor's crops will have to be harvested."

**Duke** : "That's not what I mean. Keep your eyes and ears open tomorrow, and you may learn about some big changes that will happen around here.

"And stop showing off to truck drivers!"

**Gretchen** : "The driver wasn't our neighbor. It was some other guy who looks like a farmer. And he had a cute smile."

**Duke** : "I'll bet! Why don't you work a little further from the road?"

**Gretchen** : "Then I won't be able to see who is driving, or honking."

**Duke** : "Why do you want to see them?"

**Gretchen** : "You never know. Aren't you curious about who is using our driveway?"

**Duke** : "It's not a driveway. It's an access road. It seems to me that there has been a little more traffic out there than usual. Pick-up trucks, mostly. That pig farmer next door must be up to something!"

**Gretchen** : "They are probably just farmers. And at least one of them has a nice smile. Why don't we take a walk out back and see what is going on—if anything?"

**Duke:** "Do you know that I have never walked he entire length of the road? I will do it, but not today. I have important phone calls to make."

**Gretchen** : "When we moved here, you talked about starting a small farm. Do you remember? You talked about growing crops in a green way - without weeding and without pesticides. And you started writing poems about farm life, as though you were going to be another Robert Frost. You quoted Frost, saying, "Something there is that doesn't love a wall, that wants it down," and said you would never allow any stone walls, on your property."

**Duke** : "It's just like Robert Frost wrote. We don't need walls. Our neighbor's trees are not going to attack the trees on our property. "

**Gretchen** : "Of course. The trees know how to get along. But there is a path through the trees to our neighbor's lot. The deer keep it open. But it's not easy to find when the leaves are out.

"Why didn't we start a little farm?"

**Duke** "Because I didn't know how bad a farm could smell."

**Gretchen** : "It didn't smell every day. "

**Duke** : "It depended on which way the wind was blowing."

**Gretchen** : "Why don't you just admit that you're city-born and bred? You're afraid of animals and trees. Until we moved here, you never lived in a building that didn't have an elevator."

**Duke** : "I'm not afraid of anything. Anyway, I'm too busy to farm. You know how much time I spent on that Bear Mountain case. That was important. If it were not for me, there would have been dirt roads and trucks up there, and birds being chopped up by windmill blades. And a lot of unlucky animals, that I'm supposed to be afraid of, would have lost their homes."

**Gretchen** : "I've heard all of that before. But I've never heard you say why using the wind to produce electricity might not have been a good idea?"

**Duke** : "Not up there. Especially since Oakstone Electric wouldn't compensate the Bear Mountain township fairly. Oakstone offered a mere pittance to the Township, while they would have raked in a fortune."

**Gretchen** : "I asked if windmills might have been a good idea? And all you talk about is money."

**Duke** : "I haven't told you the rest of the story. We are going to see windmills up there anyway. Oakstone Electric wants me to represent them in a new deal with the locals."

**Gretchen** : "But I thought you were working for the locals!"

**Duke** : "I am. But it's a complicated subject. It's not easy for an inexperienced person like you to understand."

**Gretchen** : "Why is it complicated? Aren't you supposed to represent one side or the other?"

**Duke** : "Why should either side care, as long as they end up with a deal that is advantageous to both of them? And besides, I have a solution to the little problem you mentioned. I've run it by the people at Oakstone, and they don't mind - and the public really doesn't care."

**Gretchen** : "Well. I do see that there are no windmills on Bear Mountain, just like there is no pig farming in River Valley."

**Duke** : "And there is no swine flu here, either. Think of what I saved everyone in River Valley from. Doesn't that show you that I am far ahead of everybody else? I'm not only protecting the environment, but I'm saving humanity?"

**Gretchen** : "It shows me that you know how to slow things down or stop them."

**Duke** :"Isn't that what a lawyer is supposed to do?"

**Gretchen** : "But you still can't represent both sides of a dispute."

**Duke** : "Didn't I say that I have a solution to that problem? You haven't forgotten about our guest, have you?"

**Gretchen** : "You don't mean you want to involve Fred, my brother-in-law, in this situation, do you?"

**Duke** : "I've phoned him, and he's agreed. It's funny. Fred is all ready to go!" _He laughs. Gretchen becomes serious._

Another noisy truck rumbles past the garden door.

**Duke** : "I am going to have to do something about that racket. There must be another road for them to use."

**Gretchen** : "I like the traffic. It keeps me from feeling alone out here in the woods. Speaking about being alone, are you still going to need me at your meeting here tomorrow?"

**Duke** : "Yes. I'm counting on you to welcome our guests. You do a fantastic job as hostess, and make visitors feel welcome. I want this meeting to be perfect. And you can do that."

**Gretchen** : _She closes in on him, smiling._ "So, you're calling in the heavy artillery. Is there going to be some kind of battle? A confrontation?"

**Duke** : "I wouldn't say so, but it's the last step in a lot of planning. We are going to have an outstanding meeting. It's cozy here, and we can get to know the people we are working with. And, best of all, I didn't invite any reporters. We could use some deli, rolls, and coffee. And maybe something special, because the Solomons are coming. Something you think pig farmers would like."

**Gretchen** : "How am I supposed to know what pig farmers would like for breakfast? Besides, I thought you didn't care for the Solomons."

_She gives him a look of disdain._ "I've never met the Solomons, but I wave to them when we are all in our front yards. They seem like nice people."

**Duke** : "You should be careful who you wave to. First, it's the pig farmers. Now, it's the truck drivers."

**Gretchen** : "I didn't wave to the truck driver! And stop calling the Solomons 'pig farmers'. They are ordinary people just like we are!"

**Duke** : "I know what I'm talking about. I know just who he is. I had to deal with him in court. He didn't know what to say, or realized he was in the wrong, but he didn't say much."

**Gretchen** : "Did he get a chance to say anything?"

**Duke** : "He had his day in court. What else could anyone expect?"

**Gretchen** : "Justice."

**Duke** : "You have been reading too many John Grisham novels." _He walks offstage. The lights dim and brighten again in the Desantos living room._

### ~ Curtain ~

#  ACT 1, SCENE 2

Gretchen walks around picking up magazines and fluffing cushions.

**Gretchen** : _To the audience, as a monologue._ "I wish he would learn to pick up his coffee cups, instead of leaving them all over. I'm tired of his excuses. He says he's thinking. Too busy thinking to put things away!"

She is carrying cups into the kitchen when the chime on the front door rings persistently. The motion detector light comes on.

**Gretchen** : "I'm coming! I'm coming!" _When she opens the door, Dina Already steps in with her husband, Fred, close behind._

**Dina** : "Surprise! Surprise! I decided to come with Fred. Duke invited him to his breakfast meeting. And I couldn't miss the opportunity to see my sister and my ex-boss." _The sisters hug. Fred and Gretchen hug._

**Gretchen** : "It's so good to see you. We hardly see each other since you stopped working for Duke."

**Dina** : "I found a whole world out there, away from Duke Desantos and his firm."

**Gretchen** : "Dear, sister. I know that. And how is Fred, and your new world?"

**Dina** : "I shouldn't say, because it will make you jealous."

**Gretchen** : "Probably. But that's so awesome!" _She embraces her sister._

**Fred** : "Dina's new world, and I'm assuming she means with me, is wonderful! Thanks to fate. Fate chose me to be the emissary from Brenner, Hofstrom, and Already to Duke's firm That's when I saw that beauty with long dark hair and a great smile. I nearly forgot why I was there."

**Dina** : "He always says that. But he never realized that from the moment I saw him, I kept my eyes on him. A good looking man who was not my boss!"

**Duke** : Entering from the kitchen. "Dina, my long lost secretary! And the man who took her away from me! How are you two?" _They hug. Duke holds her a little too long, until Dina pushes away. Gretchen and Fred don't notice._

**Dina** : "Your home is beautiful! It's more attractive each time I visit. How are the children?"

**Gretchen** : "They're fine. They are outside looking for deer."

**Dina** : "So that is what life in the suburbs of the suburbs is like."

**Gretchen** : "Real suburbs have people. We are in the woods. We have lots of trees and few people. But I have an idea. Why don't I open a bottle of wine to celebrate your visit?"

**Dina** : "That sounds nice. Can I help?"

**Gretchen** : _Turning to Duke_. "And if Dina will be around tomorrow morning, I'd like her to help me with my hostess duties. Would that be all right with you, Dina?"

**Dina** : "It's fine with me."

**Duke** : "I'm so glad you can audit our meeting. I'm sure you will come up with some pointers about land-use and that sort of stuff. You're better at that than I am. I'll continue with my rendition of the epidemic of ecological disasters, and I'll evoke a bit of hysteria. And, later, we will have time to discuss our new clients on Bear Mountain. "

**Fred** : "You certainly have a lot of irons on the fire."

**Duke** : "Let's just say that a lot of people count on me to provide good solutions to problems. Around here I'm known as 'The Vanguard of Democracy'."

**Fred** : "Duke, you always have an interesting angle. I think I will be the one who will learn something."

**Duke** : "Just wait until I fill you in on the Bear Mountain Project. You're going to represent the townspeople of Bear Mountain, and I'll represent Oakstone Electric. We will negotiate with each other." _Duke smiles._

**Fred** : "Can we do that?"

**Duke** : "Brenner, Hofstrom, and Already" is a totally separate organization. There's no reason we can't negotiate with another law group."

**Fred** : "What if some state judge sees a conflict of interest?"

**Duke** : "We don't have to worry about the staties out here. All our work will be with local officials and local judges."

**Gretchen** : _Interrupting_. "Then, you will have plenty of time to talk. Why don't you boys bring in your suitcases and Dina and I will bring out the wine."

The men leave by the front door.

**Dina** : "It must be nice to have such a beautiful home and two lovely children! And a husband who is doing great things."

**Gretchen** : "I love this house. Do you recall that I did all the interior decorating myself? People think I hired a decorator. But I did it all. It was a lot of fun. I couldn't ask for more.

"But Greg's Big Deal worries me. I know you won't tell anyone else, but I'm not so sure the Bear Mountain settlement was, you know, straightforward."

**Dina** : "You mean Duke hasn't changed?"

**Gretchen** : "I guess you could say that."

**Dina** : "The Bear Mountain ordeal is over, isn't it? I read about it in the papers"

**Gretchen** : "The wind farm has been delayed, if you can call that an ending."

**Dina** : "Okay. Tell me about the money. Who made out?"

**Gretchen** : "Oakstone Electric is still wants the site, but I hear the Township of Bear Mountain wants a lot more money."

**Dina** : "What does Duke get out of it? Whose side is he on now?"

**Gretchen** : "Not the 'Greenies' even though he talks like he is one of them. He gets a retainer, of course. Now, Oakstone wants him to represent them. I guess that's where Fred comes in."

**Dina** : "I hope my husband doesn't get dragged into some corrupt deal. Do you know who owns Oakstone?"

**Gretchen** : "You don't suspect - ?"

**Dina** : "I know a little about how your husband thinks. Remember, I wrote his letters and listened to his phone calls. And I'd like to know why he's conducting a business meeting at his home on Saturday morning."

**Gretchen** : "He says he can relax here, and not have outsiders interfering."

**Dina** : "Outsiders? Like reporters, and maybe, even whistleblowers."

**Gretchen** : "You certainly are a skeptic!"

**Dina** : "I have a Degree in Skepticism, and I earned it the hard way."

**Gretchen** : "There are going to be politicians and River Valley Homestead people here tomorrow morning. And by the time Duke finishes talking to them, they will be eating out of his hand.

"And our next door neighbors will be here. You should see him! He's tall with muscles! Of course, I've only seen him from a distance.

"Duke knows him from court. It's unfortunate, but what happened to our neighbor, farmer Solomon, probably kept him from any kind of friendship with us. He used to raise pigs. And there were times that you couldn't take a deep breath because of the odor - depending on the wind. Then, the Township passed an ordinance making pig-farming and spreading animal waste on the land illegal."

**Dina** : "You don't have to tell me. Duke represented the Township."

**Gretchen** : "Of course! And he hopes to represent the Township as they deal with the gas exploration companies. He's good at getting people to work together.

"The only River Valley family that has not yet agreed to negotiate with the rest of us is the Solomons. And Duke feels they will not want to miss out on a good thing!"

**Dina** : "What is he like?"

**Gretchen** : "I don't know. I wave to him from the garden and he smiles and waves back He looks like Duke and walks like a Greek god!"

**Dina** : "Gretchen! I don't believe you said that!"

**Gretchen** : "Why not? It's only an innocent observation. Unfortunately, he has a wife. I don't think she's too bright, though. How else could she have spent so many years raising pigs?"

**Dina** : "But aren't you lowering your standards?"

**Gretchen** : "I don't think so. Wait until you see him! Don't forget. I've been married to Duke for eighteen years. And you know Duke. His mind is on his profession most of the time, if you know what I mean. Don't I have a right to a little bit of fantasy? That's all it really is."

**Dina** : "Have you seen Duke's new secretary yet?"

**Gretchen** : "No, I haven't. Do you mean - ?"

**Dina** : "Sometime you ought to check out his office. But it seems to me that you are just horny."

**Gretchen** : "Lots of men find me attractive. If I were horny, I'd do something about it."

**Dina** : "Out here in the woods? You have lots of land and few people - that is, men. What is the ratio of adult males to an acre of land?"

**Gretchen** : "I can only speak for our close neighbors and ourselves. I would guess that the ratio is one adult male per twenty acres. Of course, if you include the Solomon's on our north side, it's two in five-hundred-and twenty acres."

**Dina** : "Now, do you see what I mean? Please tell me more about why your neighbors are coming to the meeting tomorrow."

**Gretchen** : "It's the gas. You know that people here are leasing their land to the gas exploration companies. Duke is working with the Watershed Association, and the River Valley Homesteaders Association. He would like the Solomons to join the group. The greater the number of landowners he represents, the stronger their bargaining power will be."

The children walk in and see their aunt and Uncle. They rush over and get hugs from Dina.

**Greg** : "Hi, Aunt Dina."

**Lisa** : "Me. Too. Are you staying with us, Aunt Dina?"

**Dina** : "We sure are. And it's wonderful to see you. You are both so grown up!"

**Gretchen** : "Wait until you say 'Hello' to Uncle Fred. Then, I think you ought to go to your rooms and do your schoolwork."

When the husbands return with a suitcase and clothing bag, the children give a similar greeting to their Uncle, then they leave for their own rooms upstairs. Gretchen and Dina go upstairs to prepare the guest room.

**Fred** : "Duke, I hear you have had some success with the Green Agenda recently. You're a hero to some people."

**Duke** : "I did what I thought was right and kept the windmills off Bear Mountain. At least, for the time being."

**Fred** : "Good for you! Let's drink to that! No windmills on Bear Mountain!"

**Duke** : "No windmills yet. "I have to admit that the entire Bear Mountain business has added some shine to my reputation. And now I'm ready to work on a new venture, one closer to home."

**Fred** : "I'm curious, and I should not ask this question. But other than a retainer, what's in it for you?"

**Duke** : "Number one: our home and our twenty acres are part of the deal. Number two: Because my family is part of River Valley Homesteaders Association. And I can keep my fees reasonable and low, thereby providing a high quality service at low cost to my neighbors."

**Fred** : _Sips his wine._ "You don't have to use your advertising slogans on me. Remember, I'm part of the family now. But is that all? Tell me the truth. Do you have any interests in any of the other properties?"

**Duke** : "Aha! Now that you mention it, I have a small inconsequential ownership stake in two deteriorating homes near the river. If all goes as planned, I should earn back my stake in those properties - and possibly make a modest profit."

**Fred** : "Then, it's not such a big deal."

**Duke** : "Not at all".

**Fred** : "The newspapers have stories about the gas industry harming the environment. What are the gas companies going to do about the water runoff from the 'fracking process' that they use to break up shale and release the gas? The newspapers say that water may contain carcinogens and harm aquatic life when the runoff reaches the river."

**Duke** : "Just between the two of us, _(he looks around and whispers)_ most of those dangers are highly exaggerated. Some of the companies are building huge steel tanks to hold and process the water. And it's probably not necessary."

**Fred** : "What if a company drills on your property and contaminates your groundwater. Would you risk drinking the water from your well?"

**Duke** : "Why do you ask a damned question like that? Why wouldn't I? Even though I might consider drinking bottled water for awhile, until we were sure the purification process is working."

_He takes a few steps, obviously thinking._ "You have done me a favor. I will certainly discuss well water contamination tomorrow."

**Fred** : "Is that all? Wouldn't you want to do something about it?"

**Duke** : "Of course I want to keep water safe. But it's the same water that comes out of our watershed area now. It flows along under ground, and always carries some earthly chemicals and minerals with it. Water evaporates, becomes clouds, and returns as rain - having gone through nature's purifier. _(Looks out the window.)_ Isn't it wonderful?"

**Fred** : "And the Environmental Protection Agency, and the Environmental Defense Fund, and the Federal Energy Regulating Commission: are you ready to deal with them?"

**Duke** : "They were all on my side at Bear Mountain. They will be again."

**Fred** : "It sounds like you have thought of everything."

**Duke** : The people in our community want progress. They will accept whatever I decide is best, because this township is going to collect more tax revenue than this sleepy, out-of-the-way, woodsy neighborhood could ever have imagined! And don't forget the county and the state. They have their hands out. They keep finding new ways to tax gas."

**Fred** : "After the gas companies pay for their leases and drilling fees, how will the locals benefit?"

**Duke** : "Don't forget maintenance and revenue on the gas line."

**Fred** : "The gas line? You never said anything about a gas line."

**Duke** : "Oh! I shouldn't have mentioned it. I hope you won't say anything, not even to the girls. It's a big part of the deal. I project a substantial revenue stream from the line. But I don't want our neighbors to find out about it yet. I don't want them to think they could bargain with the companies on their own, even though they could probably make a low-ball profit without me."

**Fred** : "I'm a lawyer, although I might as well have been a priest. What difference will it make, if I have one more secret to keep?"

**Duke** : "The gas company engineers have picked our neighbor's property for the gas line!"

**Fred** : "And your neighbors don't know about it?"

**Duke** : "No. How could they? That's why I need their cooperation before the public finds about it. And it's not a sure thing yet. I just happened to know the right people and I was in the right place at the right time. I saw the site plans for the entire project! The plans are amazing!"

**Fred** : "And you are going to make good use of them?"

**Duke** : "I can do a lot with a little advanced knowledge. Naturally, I'm planning to help everyone prosper. And protect the environment at the same time!"

**Gretchen** : _Entering the room from the stairway with Dina close behind._ "I heard that: 'protecting the environment.' Duke that's all you talk about!"

**Dina** : "This wine is making me sleepy. I need one more sip. Then, I'm off to bed." _She walks to the kitchen –downstage left-- to pour more wine. Duke follows her._

**Duke** : _Quietly, so the others can't hear, but the audience can._ "It sure is nice to see my secretary again."

**Dina** : "I'm not your secretary anymore! And I don't expect you to make passes at me! Especially, in my sister's home!"

**Duke** : "Don't worry about it. It hasn't entered my mind."

**Dina** : "It better not!"

**Duke** : _Walking back to the living room_. "Let's all have another glass of wine. It's nice to drink with good friends again!" _They all lift their glasses and take much more than a little sip._

Both husbands exchange embraces and kisses with the other's wife, then their own wife. They move toward the stairs. Duke steers Dina with his arm and smiles. She is obviously uncomfortable and pushes his hand away. Gretchen turns out the downstairs lights, but the exit to the stairway is still illuminated.

### ~ Curtain ~

#  ACT 1, SCENE 3

It is early Saturday morning, the day of Duke Desantos's meeting. There is grey or subdued daylight. The kitchen area is bright and Gretchen and Dina, dressed in robes and pajamas are making coffee.

**Dina** : "I slept well. Your guest room is very comfortable. And the wine helped, a little."

**Gretchen** : "I would have slept better, but when we walked into the study last night, I thought I heard Duke say something about keeping a secret from our neighbors. It was probably not important, but it still bothered me. I wondered all night about what he is planning."

**Dina** : "Nothing stays secret for long. _(Thoughtfully)_ Making guesses based on rumors doesn't help. I hear rumors often, but they become so warped and twisted that they become meaningless."

**Lisa** : Dressed in sleepwear, sneaks in from the garage entrance. "Good morning, Mom and Aunt Dina."

The two women greet Lisa pleasantly.

**Gretchen** : _(To Lisa)_ "What are you doing up so early?"

**Lisa** : "I came to see the fawn. The doe knows I was watching through the window, and she doesn't run away. She was there all night, but I didn't turn on a light."

**Gretchen** : "When was that? "

**Lisa** : "I'm not sure, but Dad and Uncle Fred were drinking wine and talking about a gas line, or something, at the Solomon's."

**Gretchen** : "You were supposed to be in your room."

**Lisa** : "I was. I did my homework, and you need to sign it for me. But then, I came back downstairs to look out the garage window. You should see the fawn! He's so cute! Greg says there's a crowd of deer on our neighbor's property at night, close to our road. He says that's their home. But I think the fawn's mother feels safer near our house."

**Dina** : "You said your father and uncle were talking about a gas line?"

**Lisa** : "Yes. I was trying not to let them see me. I was afraid they would make me to go back to bed."

**Gretchen** : "You shouldn't be tip-toeing around here listening to adult conversations."

**Lisa** : "I wasn't trying to hear anything. I'm not a spy!"

**Gretchen** : _Putting aside her objection,_ "Of course, you're not a spy. But, -er-, what did you hear about a gas line?"

**Lisa** : "Nothing, except there's going to be one."

**Gretchen** : _Trying not to show interest,_ "Oh."

At this moment Duke and Fred enter from the stairway dressed in warm-up clothes.

**Duke** : "Good Morning! Everyone. That coffee smells good. We will have ours after we do some jogging. I'm not going to eat anything until our company arrives. Fred, are you ready to jog?"

**Fred** : "Certainly."

**Lisa** : "Please go out the front door, Dad. I don't want you to wake up the deer."

**Duke** : "I told you what I think of deer. They're big rats. Fred, don't you think I should get one of those semi-automatic rifles and join the NRA and become a hunter?"

**Lisa** : "You wouldn't hurt our deer Dad. You're just kidding, right?"

**Fred** : "He's kidding, Lisa. Your Dad doesn't know a hunting rifle from a... er... from an Uzi."

**Lisa** : "What's an Uzi?"

**Duke** : _Looking perturbed,_ "I really do, Lisa. But I'll explain it later.

He and Fred exit by the front door.

**Greg** : _Entering and calling from the garage,_ "The deer are still sleeping. I wish Honey were here to see them. I think I'll call her and ask her to come over."

**Gretchen** : "Don't even think about it! It's only 7:15, and not everyone in the world is awake this early! Besides, she may visit with her parents later this morning."

**Dina** : "But they're farmers and probably get up early."

**Gretchen** : "You're no help at all, sister. But we have a rule. No telephones or texting between 9:00 pm and 9:00 am. It's a simple rule. Easy to follow."

At this point the women could be setting up in the kitchen garden for the meeting, and the next scene could be in the garden as well as in the kitchen with the windowed doors wide open.

The children go back upstairs to dress, and the sisters start putting out trays and unwrapping breakfast delicacies. Gretchen takes out a large coffee urn.

**Gretchen** : "I wonder how much coffee we'll need?"

**Dina** : "I wonder how many Bloody Marys we'll need?"

**Gretchen** : "A lot, depending on how long Duke talks."

**Dina** : "Do you think he's really going to 'baffle them with bullshit', like he always says?"

**Gretchen** : "Only if you believe the science of being green is bullshit."

**Dina** : "I'm afraid I don't know enough to say what's true and what is not."

**Gretchen** : "Duke doesn't think the greenies know either. He'll use what the greenies think and raise a fuss about it, though he doesn't believe in their science."

**Dina** : "He says a lot of things he doesn't believe. He has the makings of a fine politician."

**Gretchen** : "You're right. And I see that in our future." _They finish setting up for the meeting._

"I think we've done all we can do for now. Dina, notice how smooth this floor is. It's 'high-heel' safe."

**Dina** : "Which tells me that you're going to dress up for the company, at least for one of them."

**Gretchen** : "Why not? You can dress up, too. This woodsy suburb-of-a-suburb could use a little glamour."

They exit via the stairway. Duke and Fred walk in the front door breathing heavily.

**Fred** : "You sure have a lot of, er, a lot of, 'acreage' out here. You can hardly see your neighbors. I don't think I could talk Dina into living this far out in the country. She thinks she would be lonely here."

**Duke** : "And we have gas, plenty of gas, on our twenty acres. Someday I'm going to have a gas well in my front yard, a windmill in my backyard, and a big, black Hummer in my garage, just to piss people off!"

**Fred** : "After you quit representing 'green' causes?"

**Duke** : "Of course!"

**Fred** : "But how long do you think the greenies will keep agitating? Most of them are students and young college professors who have never been in the work force. In a few years they'll stop whining, grow up, and change their minds about what needs to be done. And you'll have to find a new cause, or new, younger greenies."

**Duke** : "No! But whatever the cause, I'll be there. Hey! It's getting late. We have to get dressed for our meeting!"

They exit to the stairway also.

### ~ Curtain ~

#  ACT 2, SCENE 1

Folding card table chairs are arranged by the two sofas at rear stage.

Tableware is stacked on the kitchen island at mid-stage. Serving tables are in front of the island. Gretchen and Dina walk about the stage checking the tables. When they walk, the audience can hear the clicking of their high heels and see their skirts swish. The front door chime sounds and Gretchen greets Lester Leonard, the President of the Homesteader's Association and Jesus Hernandez, the Town Solicitor. Duke comes to the door, and heartily shakes hands.

**Lester** : "Since I'm President of the Homesteader's Association, it's appropriate that I'm the first one here. Who are these lovely ladies?"

**Duke** : "My wife, Gretchen and my sister-in-law, Dina. Come and meet them."

**Gretchen** : "Coffee or a Bloody Mary, Mr. Leonard?"

**Lester** : "A Bloody Mary sounds good!" _Gretchen pours a glass for him._

**Duke** : _Answering a door chime_ , "Solicitor, come in. Make yourself comfortable. The coffee is over there." _He points._ "Where those pretty ladies are." _He introduces the ladies and his brother-in-law._

**Solicitor** : _When the ladies have clicked their way across the floor. Motioning toward the women._ "Where do you get domestic help like that?"

**Lester** : "Marry them. Except the sister-in-law used to be Duke's personal secretary. I've seen her in court with him. She's still as pretty as I remember her."

**Solicitor** : "Were they close?"

**Lester** : "I don't know, but I suppose so. Before she ran off with another lawyer, that guy, Fred, over there." _Points to Fred._

Duke answers the next ring and greets Mark Silverstein, the County Commissioner.

**Mark** : _When everyone else is out of hearing range._ "Are they here yet?"

**Duke** : "No, but they should be here soon. Or should we say 'our five-hundred acres' should be here soon."

**Gretchen** : "Don't stand around. Come and have some goodies."

**Dina** : "Are you all neighbors?" _she asks Leonard and Jesus._

**Solicitor** : "You could say so. The Hernandez estate is the length of about two football fields down the road."

**Lester** : "And another football field length away, you will find the Leonards. You won't see it from the road. Our house is deep in the woods."

**Dina** : "Doesn't it feel like you are in the middle of nowhere ?"

**Gretchen** : (The men smile.) "How can you say that, Dina. There's a 'Sam's Club' only five miles away. Of course, it's so big you need a passport to be allowed in. And there's an entire mall a little farther down the road."

**Dina** : "How far to a hair and nail salon?"

**Solicitor** : "There's one in the mall, but I know a gal who will come to your home and take care of you. She knows where you live, because she's the same gal who delivers your newspaper."

**Gretchen** : "Dina, then we wouldn't have any excuse to go to the city."

**Lester** : "Why don't you try to get Sam's Club to put in a beauty shop?"

**Gretchen** : "That's not exactly what I had in mind." _The front entrance chimes sounds. Three Solomons are at the entrance._ "I'll get it!"

In the background, Duke, Mark, and Fred look at the front door, expectantly. Greg moves toward the door quickly, but Gretchen has already put out a welcoming hand.

**Gretchen** :"It's so nice to see you, Mrs. Solomon! And Honey, good to see you again!"

**Esther** : "It's nice of you to invite us, Mrs. Desantos." _She is wearing a simple neat-looking dress, has straight dirty blonde hair, and wears flat shoes._

**Gretchen** : "It's about time. We have been neighbors for years. Why don't you call me Gretchen?"

**Esther** : "And you may call me Esther."

**Honey** : "I was hoping Lisa would be here."

**Gretchen** : "I'm sure she is. And Greg, too."

**Dina** : "I'll call them."

**Billy** : _Walks in behind his wife with his hand extended._ "And I'm Billy, the one you wave to from your garden. It sure is nice to see you up close."

He's the tallest in the room and wears a red, checkered shirt and Levis. He shakes Gretchen's hand with a sturdy grip, and Gretchen finds herself looking up into his eyes, only to be interrupted by Duke who grabs Billy's hand.

**Duke** : "I'm Duke. You might remember me. We met in court over some business a few years ago. It's something I have put out of my mind a long time ago. I hope you can do that, too. "

**Billy** : "I hope we can do better than when you put me out of business."

**Duke** : "The Homesteader's Association did that. I was merely its legal representative, and I was working, as usual, to improve the environment. Anyway, it's good to see you today! _Loudly_ , "We have a lot to talk about, and it's going to be a good day for all of us!"

**Billy** : "I only have good days." He smiles and holds Esther's hand. Especially since we stopped raising animals. When you raise animals, there are no days off. You can't even think of traveling " _He looks at Esther_. "There's the woman who should get the credit. She fed the animals and made sure all the chores were done. I sometimes felt that I was helping her."

**Duke** : "I never thought about the inconveniences of raising pigs."

**Billy** : "And that's not all. It can be dangerous. I once had the heel of my boot bitten off. Anyway, if you don't want pigs to try to eat you, you don't want to ever fall down in a pig sty. Pigs are almost as dangerous as bears."

**Duke** ; "I'll try to keep that in mind."

**Gretchen and Dina** : "O-o-oh!"

**Gretchen** : _Enthralled_ , "Then, you must be just like a lion-tamer."

**Billy** : _Taken aback,_ "You might say that, although I never thought of being anything but a farmer.

"Growing corn is easier. Since ethanol processing plants have been built all over the state, I can get a good price for my corn."

**Gretchen** : "Why don't you boys wander over to the buffet table and get something to eat?

**Honey** : _Moving closer to her mother,_ "Mom, look at the white fireplace. Mrs. Desantos did all the decorating herself.

"Let me show you where the deer sleep." _She leads her mother to the garage entrance._

**Duke** : _Taking note of Honey's comment,_ "Yes, I promised myself I'd get a gun to get rid of those critters."

**Billy** : "Why do you want to do that? If a deer learns to trust you and stays near, it will bring you good luck! People say it's better to have deer on your property than fish in an aquarium."

**Duke** : "Maybe. Maybe. But I'm used to making my own good luck."

**Billy** : "Your good luck may come from the way your children love and treat the animals on your property."

**Duke** : "I still think I make my own luck. And I should get a gun."

**Leonard** : "I have guns, but I never use them."

**Jesus** : "The same for me. You know, Dina was right. It can get lonely here, and it would take a while to get help if a robber broke in or a bear knocked your kitchen door down."

**Duke** : _Incredulous_ , "Could that really happen?"

**Leonard** : "It sure could."

**Duke** : "Now, I'm sure I'm going to get a gun!"

**Billy** : _Quietly, to Gretchen_ , "What helped him make up his mind? The robber or the bear?"

**Gretchen** : _She smiles_. "It wouldn't really matter. But I can't picture him with a rifle. I think he's afraid of animals. We don't even have a dog. He's certainly no Daniel Boone."

**Billy** : "No. He's more the Clarence Darrow type."

**Gretchen** : "So, you know about Clarence Darrow?"

**Billy** : "Aren't farmers supposed to know about things like that? Like what abolition was, and union strife, which Darrow was good at, not to mention Leopold and Loeb. Not like today's lawyers who are only interested in government rules and political favors?"

**Gretchen** : _Smiling broadly,_ "Wait until Duke gets a load of you!" _He smiles back, as though they have established an understanding._

**Billy** : "Darrow said, 'I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered more, if I had been understood.'" _He smiles._

**Dina** : _Stepping closer to Gretchen and Billy_ , "What are you two smiling about? Gretchen, people are hardly touching the food."

**Gretchen** : _She leaves Billy and addresses the group._ "Eat up, everyone. That's what all this stuff is for. Don't leave me with a lot of leftovers that will spoil before I can use them."

**Duke** : _To Gretchen and Esther who joins them._ "Honey told me Esther preserves food in jars. Is that something we ought to be doing?"

**Gretchen** : "We? You mean me!"

**Esther** : "I could help you get started. It takes me about a week in the fall to can the vegetables from our garden. And everything tastes better than what you buy at the store."

**Gretchen** : "A week?" _Warily_ , "Sounds just fine. Maybe, I'll try to learn - someday."

The door chime sounds and Fred answers it. Mark Silverstein, the County Commissioner, a good-looking, tall, graying, man enters.

**Mark** : "Mark Silverstein here."

**Fred** : _Greeting him as he answers the door_. "I'm Fred Already, the Brother-in-Law. Come on in and find something to eat. Over there where the girls are."

**Gretchen** : "Nice to see you again, Mark. Please make yourself at home."

**Dina** : _Closing in_. "Haven't we met? I think I remember you from court."

**Mark** : "Oh, yes. How could I forget? It seems that Duke never went anywhere without you." _Looks at Gretchen._ "Oh, oh! I think I said the wrong thing."

**Gretchen** : "We will excuse you for saying, anywhere. You should know that Dina and I are sisters."

**Mark** : "Forgive me. I said that without any thought. I wasn't trying to create a scandal."

**Gretchen** : "Oh, no? Well, neither am I. But we forgive you. Come have a Bloody Mary."

The chime sounds and two more neighbors enter, and Fred shows them the refreshments.

**Duke** : "Mark. Come over and meet the Solomons. We are just getting to know each other, and when they hear what you have to say, I'm sure they will want to join us." _There is hand-shaking among the four._

**Mark** : "Nice to meet you. It must be a pleasure to be the neighbors of one of our outstanding citizens and his family."

**Esther** : "Yes, and the children get along so well."

The men go to the center of the room and form a talking, coffee-drinking circle. The audience can hear snippets of small talk from them. Like, "Those Steelers are having their own way this season." And, "In the winter I use my ATV."

Dina and Gretchen are alone in the kitchen.

**Dina** : "I see what you mean," glancing at where Billy is standing and nodding her head. "He's gorgeous!"

**Gretchen** : _Quietly, because Esther is coming over to join them._ "Take note of those shoulders and arms!"

**Esther** : "Honey seems to like being with your children."

**Gretchen** : "They have been hiking on our properties , probably looking for deer. By the way, Honey is as cute a teenager as I have ever seen! And she is so polite."

The men walk out to the kitchen garden so Mark can smoke.

**Duke** : _When they return,_ "I think we ought to start the meeting."

The men draw up their folding chairs facing Duke, who is in front of a sofa, facing the audience. Some of the men are still holding coffee cups and Gretchen and Dina move among them collecting empty plates.

**Duke** : _Calling them all to attention. He is the only one standing._ "Welcome. Gretchen and I are extremely happy to see you. Most of you don't know Fred and Dina Already. He's my brother-in-law. He has his own law practice, but I invited him, because he's smart, experienced, and willing to help us. _He points to Fred who takes a brief bow._

Most of you know me, but for those who don't, I'd like to start by talking about myself, something I'm good at. _Ingratiating grin, condescending tone._ As you know, Gretchen and I have been homesteaders here in River Valley for six years. We love it here. It's our little bit of heaven. And we don't want it to change. But, in case you don't read the papers, I recently prevented an ecological disaster on Bear Mountain. If windmills are built there in the future, they will not ruin the environment, and the landowners will be fairly compensated." _Parroting the speech he had been practicing_. "That's what we in River Valley want from gas exploration, don't we? Your needs are my needs. And what I say is what you would say. But I'm trained to speak for all of us.

"Next, let me say something about water. Some of the surface water comes from the run-off of rain and watering our gardens and it can be rich in animal waste which has been used as fertilizer." _He stares at Billy for a notable moment._ "We can follow this water directly to the river.

"Another source of water, which has sustained life here for centuries, comes from underground springs that we can easily reach with modern pumps. We drink this water and bathe in it, but ground water finds its way into well water. Unfortunately, drilling gas wells increases the likelihood of trace chemicals contaminating our water. If wells are improperly drilled, we could end up lighting fires in our drinking water! Of course, none of that has to happen. We must see to it that our water stays pure, our land unscathed, and that we all get favorable compensation for the use of our land. Some of you know that I am already carrying the banner for our association. I have talked to the gas drilling companies, the State Dept of Environmental Protection, the Watershed Society, and I'm far ahead of you in thinking about what we should do."

Gretchen eyes and signals Dina trying to hold back a yawn.

**Duke** : _Continues._ "The most important move we can make is to work together! One for all and all for one! We will soon be dealing with General Resources, an energy conglomerate with a genormous amount of money! Pick up any newspaper and you are likely to find an article about them or about their CEO giving advice to the President of the USA. But they are not too big for me to deal with, as long as we, as I stated before, work together!"

**Jesus** : _Volunteers_. "I've had mail from them already."

**Lester** : "And they've been calling my home every day."

**Duke** : "There. You see. They want to work with each of us separately. So, they can squeeze each landowner without the others knowing what is going on. But some of us have been preparing for the encounter with General Resources. Our own very capable Mark Silverstein has written guidelines so that we can incorporate and deal, as a strong unified force, with General Resources. Mark. Could you tell us about your plan?"

**Mark** : "Of course, Duke. I have incorporation papers for each resident in River Valley Homesteads to sign, and I expect to visit them at their homes individually. But it would make it easier for me, if I could tell others that all of you here today had been to this meeting and signed the papers."

**Fred** : "I'm curious about who gets lease payments, since the landowners have different sized lots."

**Duke** : "Most of us have twenty or more acres."

**Mark** : "That will be specified in the next set of papers. General Resources will pay the River Valley Homesteaders, and the corporation will send lease payments and royalties to the shareholders. Payments will vary with the acreage each shareholder owns. The number of shares that a member owns will determine the amount he or she gets. It's a standard way of doing business."

**Homeowner** : "Will all the land in River Valley Homesteads be part of the corporation?"

**Mark** : "Yes. Am I correct, Duke?"

**Duke** : "All but the two dilapidated homes by the river, which I have taken as my benevolent duty to repair. I promised the banks that have mortgaged the properties that I would repair these ruined homes before I sold them. I look forward to seeing them part of our association and corporation."

**Homeowner #2** : "Will we need an office?"

**Duke** : "We have one. Mark will take care of handling the shares and dividing the royalty payments. We couldn't have a safer place than the County Commissioner's office.

"Any other questions?" _No hands are raised._

"Billy, do you have any questions?"

**Billy** : "Since you asked: what has happened at Bear Mountain? Did the townspeople get any money?"

**Duke** : "Not yet. But they will. Actually, negotiations are ongoing."

**Homeowner** : "What's the holdup?"

**Duke** : "Money. Oakstone Power will have to pay a higher price to the town."

**Homeowner** : "Will they?"

**Duke** : "It's a sure thing."

**Billy** : "How can we be sure River Valley and General Resources will reach an agreement?"

**Duke** : "I'm sure of it. Er, as sure as anyone can be. We're sitting over a sea of natural gas, and they definitely want it."

**Billy** : "Will General Resources have any other rights to our land?"

**Homesteader** : "What if they find gold or diamonds and stuff like that?"

**Duke** : "Mark, will you answer that question?"

**Mark** : "Our contract is limited specifically to gas exploration and recovery."

**Duke** : "Are there any more questions?" _He looks around the room. There don't appear to be more._

Gretchen and Dina move among the guests pouring coffee and juices.

**Billy** : "I've heard that General will pay two thousand dollars an acre for leasing rights."

**Duke** : "You see, Billy, with your 500 acres, you would have a whole pile of money coming in. We can make sure you get it, without bureaucratic delays or fancy accounting. And I think it would be a good idea for our association to include someone who knows something about farming. To make sure whatever changes are made won't interfere with your growing corn."

**Billy** :"Of course." _He gives a wry look to Esther beside him._

**Gretchen** : _Spies the expression._ "Can I get either of you something?"

**Billy** : "That orange juice is good! Could I have some more?"

**Gretchen** : "Certainly." When she returns with the glass of juice he takes it and manages to keep his fingers on her arm.

**Mark** : _As he begins passing out papers,_ "I have extra pens for anyone who needs one."

**Duke** : "There's a copy for me that you must sign. And the other copy is for you." _He walks amid the attendees asking,_ "Is everything clear? Did you sign?" _Most answer in the affirmative._

"How about you, Billy?"

**Billy** : "I'm going to think about it."

**Duke** : "You know everything you have to know. What is there to think about?"

**Billy** : "Everything seems okay, but I just want to be sure."

**Esther** : _Who has been remarkably quiet._ "I don't think it ever hurts to wait a little. What's the hurry?"

**Duke** : "I don't like to be hasty, either. But it's hard to get a group like this together."

The other home owners are completing their forms and leaving them on the desk.

**Duke** : _Speaking to Billy,_ "I can do a better job making up a negotiating position and representing you, if you would sign now and let me get started."

**Billy** : "I've heard that attorneys are not usually in a hurry to get things done.

**Duke** : "That might apply to some lawyers, but not me. And not to Fred Already. Isn't that right, Fred?"

**Fred** : "You're right, Duke. But I think everyone will be happier, if they take a few more days to consider your proposition. Frankly, if I were Mr. And Mrs. Solomon, I'd sign up now and let the professionals do the worrying. But not everyone thinks the same way." _Some more of the neighbors bring up their signed papers._

**Esther** : _Moving toward Gretchen._ "Where is Honey?"

**Gretchen** : "The kids are looking for deer again. They say there's a whole herd of them out there, but I've never seen them."

**Billy** : _Joining her._ "If you really want to see the herd, I'll take you up the road when they're there. It's fun to use a searchlight and spot them at night."

**Gretchen** : "Why, thank you. I'll take that offer - sometime."

**Esther** : "Billy always seems to know when the herd will be there. But he says they are too tame to shoot at."

**Gretchen** : _Whispering to Billy_ , "Are you sure you're not angry at us for stopping you from raising pigs?"

**Billy** : "I don't blame you personally. If it were not you, it would have been somebody else who didn't want pigs out here. This area is no longer a good place to raise animals. And to tell the truth, I never liked slaughtering pigs. I had to take them away and have someone else do it. Since then, I can't even bring myself to kill a deer."

**Duke** : _Who had stepped aside to hustle another neighbor, overhears the last part of the conversation._ "What? You wouldn't kill a deer? I could. Except that I don't have a gun."

**Billy** : "Do you think you could drag the carcass of a deer out of the woods and sling it over your car's fender?"

**Duke** : "I suppose so."

**Billy** : "Then, get yourself a rifle and become a hunter."

**Duke** ; "Billy, I think I will!"

The guests stand and thank their hosts and slowly walk toward the front entranceway. Duke, Fred, Gretchen, and Dina remain alone on the stage.

**Duke** : _Speaking to Fred,_ "Why did you have to tell him that it was okay to wait?"

**Fred** : "I could see he was holding back, and the more you spoke the more he resisted. Couldn't you tell?"

**Duke:** "I guess I can't tell much about pig farmers."

**Fred** : "Let's take a walk and talk about it."

**Duke** : "Okay." _They head out the kitchen garden door._

Gretchen and Dina are alone cleaning up the kitchen.

**Gretchen** : "What do you think?"

**Dina** : "I think Duke has a good business plan."

**Gretchen** : "That's not what I meant! What do you think of him?"

**Dina** : _Smiling_. "I can understand exactly how you feel. He's - well, er, gorgeous! _Laughs_.

**Gretchen** : "Aha! You are beginning to see things my way!"

**Dina** : "And he just made an offer to take you to see the deer herd."

**Gretchen** : "What's wrong with that?"

**Dina** : "I'm betting that he won't just be scouting deer, when he takes you out there in his truck. It will be too dark to walk."

**Gretchen** : "Without Duke?"

**Dina** : "Certainly, without Duke. Can't you see that the two of them don't like each other and won't ever get along? And can't you see that he's thinking of having some time alone with you?"

**Gretchen** : "Do you really think so?"

**Dina** : "I not only think so. I know so. And if I were you, I'd go for it!"

Duke and Fred enter noisily from their walk.

**Duke** : _Excited_. "Guess what we just saw? You won't believe it! Here on our property!"

**Gretchen** : "What? I can't imagine what."

**Duke** : "We saw it right out back----a bear! A real black bear!"

**Fred** : "And I'll verify the sighting."

**Duke** : "He looked like a big dog, maybe a Newfoundland Retriever."

**Fred** : "He was a lot bigger than any dog I've ever seen. Four times larger!"

**Dina** : "What happened to him?"

**Fred** : " He ran off, disappeared in the woods.'

**Duke** : "And we never saw him coming. Seeing that big guy out there makes me certain that my decision to buy a gun was right! And that's not all! We saw a huge, long black-colored snake lying across the road where a car had run over it!"

**Fred** : "It was the longest snake that I have ever seen!"

**Gretchen** : "You're not serious about buying a gun, are you, Duke?"

**Duke** : "I'm worried about the kids hiking out back, or that monster breaking a window or door to get into our house. Right now, we're defenseless!"

**Fred** : "You ought to take one of those NRA courses, so you know what you're doing."

**Duke** : "A course to learn how to pull a trigger? I'm sure I can aim and fire a rifle without taking a course."

**Gretchen** : "I believe Fred is talking about safety. Aren't you Fred?"

**Fred** : "We read about gun accidents during hunting season every year."

**Duke** : "I'm not a hunter. All I want to do is defend myself, and maybe clear out those big rats, the deer that eat everything! And maybe do a little target shooting, so I can get the feel of shooting."

### ~ Curtain ~

#  Act 2, Scene 2

The Desantos' kitchen. Lisa and Honey are organizing a canning project for a school science project. There are bushels of corn on the kitchen counter and cartons of Mason jars on the floor.

**Lisa** : "My science teacher says that we use a lot of science in our kitchens."

**Honey** : " Of course. We have to sterilize everything we use, so that bacteria won't grow in our jars and spoil everything. My Dad says he will bring us more corn if we need it."

**Lisa** : _Struggling with an ear of corn_ , "This hurts my hands!"

**Honey** : _She spies Greg coming into the kitchen from right rear. Without turning toward Greg, but letting her eyes turn toward him, she says,_ "What we need is a good shucker with strong hands."

**Greg** : "I've got strong hands." _Looks at Honey._ "What do you want me to do?" _He picks up and studies a few ears of corn._

**Lisa** : "Pull the husks off the ears."

**Greg** : "Oh, that's easy. It's not 'rocket science'." _He begins to tear off the leaves._

**Honey** : "That's wonderful, Greg. _Coos_. We wouldn't be able to do this without you. And don't forget to put the husks in your compost pile. You have to dispose of them scientifically, too."

Greg carries a basket of corn leaves out the back door.

**Lisa** : "Honey, do you believe in love?"

**Honey** : "Of course, I do. Why?"

**Lisa** : "Well, Greg likes you. He likes you a lot more than he likes me. And he's supposed to love his sister."

**Honey** : "I don't think that's love, Lisa. It's just a boy-girl thing."

**Lisa** : "You mean like the boys in school who try to talk to me, but get red in the face?"

**Honey** : "Exactly. I can't believe you are into that at your age. The younger generation is sure growing up fast!"

**Lisa** : "I think my Mom and your Dad like each other."

**Honey** : "That may be true. My Dad may like your Mother, but he loves my mother."

**Lisa** : "How can you tell?"

**Honey** : "He may look at your mother, just like boys look at us. But when my Dad and Mother are together, they are very nice to each other. And they hug each other a lot."

**Lisa** : "What if he likes my Mother better?"

**Honey** : "He doesn't. I'm sure of that!"

**Greg** walks back in the kitchen, and the girls become quiet.

**Greg** : "I'm going to have to start another compost pile. Or else I won't have a place to put all these leaves."

**Honey** : "You can do more shucking right now, while Lisa and I boil these Mason jars." _The girls lift cartons of jars to the sideboard of the sink._

Duke and Fred enter from the garage door at rear right. They are dressed in suits for work at the office. Fred carries a briefcase, Duke a rifle.

**Duke** : "We killed them at the office today!"

**Fred** : "Don't say killed when you're carrying a gun."

**Duke** : "But I'm so proud of you! You really improved on my land use arguments. I knew you would be the go-to guy!" _Self-satisfied grin._ "I'm so glad you decided to stay."

The children stare at their father carrying a rifle.

**Lisa** : "Oh!"

**Greg** : "Gee!"

**Duke** : " You helped set up the River Valley Homesteader's Association office and helped me decide on the best rifle for me."

**Fred** : "I thumbed through the National Rifle Association's magazine. That's all"

**Duke** : "But look at this beautiful Remington M-7! And look at these long bullets! I'm sure these will take out a deer." _He starts loading the rifle._

**Fred** : "What are you doing?"

**Duke** : "Loading my weapon. It's an old American habit - just like George Washington's troops at Valley Forge."

**Fred** : "Now, don't get carried away. You said you were going to take that NRA safety course."

**Duke** : "I will. I will. But I can't wait to try it out."

**Fred** : "What are you doing now?"

**Duke** : "Can't you see? I'm going to try out my defense system."

**Fred** : "I don't think you're ready."

**Duke** : "Stop hovering over me! I'm no child. I can manage to shoot a round or two, just like they do in the movies. Relax. I'm just trying it out. I'm not really using it."

He goes to the kitchen garden door and aims. The children start to duck behind kitchen appliances.

**Fred** : "What are you going to shoot?"

**Duke** : "Nothing. There's nothing out there! Just trees."

The children back up and huddle behind the stove and refrigerator.

Duke half-shoulders his rifle and aims out the door into the trees.

**Lisa** : "Don't shoot the fawn!"

**Duke** : "There's nothing out there."

He fires. There is a very loud report. Duke falls backward on the floor. He drops the rifle.

**Duke** : "Ow! Oow! My shoulder! My arm's broken!"

Everyone on stage cowers, until they see Duke where he landed on the floor. Fred bends over and takes the rifle away, makes sure there are no more shells in the chamber, and places the rifle high on top of a kitchen cabinet.

Gretchen runs in, frightened, with Dina close behind. Gretchen sees Duke on the floor grimacing and rushes to his side.

**Gretchen** : "Duke! Duke! Are you hurt? Did you shoot yourself?"

**Billy** : Breathing heavily, as though he had been running. "What's happening? I was bringing over more corn, and I heard gunfire! I was sure there was trouble!" ( He, too, bends over Duke.)

**Duke** : "My shoulder! I hurt my shoulder!"

**Gretchen** : "Shall I call an ambulance?"

**Fred** : "I can take him to the emergency room."

**Billy** : "He'll be okay. The recoil can hurt like hell when a rifle isn't held correctly. He's lucky it didn't hurt his jaw, too."

**Gretchen** : "What if he broke something?"

**Billy** : "He's just bruised. He's going to have a black-and-blue arm. I've seen that before. Do you have any Tylenol or Ibuprofen here?

"Duke, I can teach you how to hold your rifle, but I can't teach you everything you need to know to be a good marksman. You're going to have to take a course somewhere."

**Fred** : "That's what I told him."

**Billy** : And I can tell you that you have to hold the weapon against your shoulder, not out in front of you like you apparently did. That way your body moves with the recoil, and if your stance is correct, your whole body will move with the shot and reduce the impact."

**Duke** : "How about that Tylenol? I could use it."

**Gretchen** : "Of course, I'll get it from our medicine cabinet." _She walks away toward the bedrooms._

**Fred** : "I wonder if he hit anything out there?"

Fred goes to the door to see. Lisa, Honey, Dina, and Billy follow.

**Lisa** : "Let's look for the fawn."

**Duke** : _Still lying on his back on the floor._ "Are you all going to leave me here?"

Gretchen comes back to assist Duke who is slowly standing up.

**Billy** : It's just a bruise, and you'll get better."

**Duke** : _Aside so only Gretchen can hear_. "Billy says. Billy says. What does his kind of _(carefully)_ farmer knows about injured shoulders?"

Lisa and Honey come back from the garage entrance.

**Lisa** : "The fawn isn't there! The shot must have frightened him away."

**Gretchen** : _Hugging Lisa._ "You can't be sure of that. The deer will probably be back tomorrow."

Dina and Fred are on either side of Duke, trying to help him. He is letting his right arm hang.

**Gretchen** : "Duke, can you sit at the table? I have some Tylenol for you and some store-bought peach pie for everyone."

**Dina** : "And I'll get the beer."

**Duke** : "I think so. I can eat with my left hand."

The adults sit in the front room, the children sit in the kitchen. Fred and Dina place bottles of beer at each adults place.

**Billy** : "This has been a great summer for growing corn. I'll give you all the corn you can use. We had lots of sunshine and just enough rain."

**Dina** : "People say that you can watch the corn grow at night. Is that true, Billy?"

**Billy** : "I think so. You can hear it growing, too."

**Gretchen** : "I don't believe you."

**Duke** : "Sure. Sure." _He looks at Fred and grins._

**Gretchen** : "I'd like to hear corn grow, but I didn't plant any in my garden."

**Billy** : "I just walked through your garden and it's nice. It's neat and tidy and weeds don't seem to grow in it. But corn is different. You need a much larger area for pollination to take place."

**Duke** : _Aside again so only Gretchen can hear_. "Here we go again. An expert on agriculture, too."

**Gretchen** : "Oh, Duke! Certainly, Billy is an expert on agriculture."

**Billy** : "I don't know about that. Do you remember you wanted me to join your association as a farm specialist?"

**Duke** : "Did I say that?"

**Dina** : _Trying to prevent an uncomfortable argument_ , "What else do you grow, Billy?"

**Billy** : "We grow a little bit of everything. I like to stock the root cellar in the fall with potatoes, carrots, cabbage, and beets. Sometimes I leave onions in the ground and dig them up in the winter. Do you know what a root cellar is?"

**Fred** : "I've heard of root cellars, but I have never seen one."

**Billy** : "It would be wonderful, if every family had one, in case of an emergency."

**Duke** : "You mean, if there's a war?"

**Billy** : "Any kind of emergency that would close roads, like weather, a revolution, or a terrorist strike."

**Duke** : "Sure! Sure!"

**Billy** : "You can sneer. It's a free country. But I'm going to do you a favor. I'll teach Greg how to build a root cellar."

**Greg** : _Overhearing, and stepping forward._ "Honey says she will show me her root cellar."

**Gretchen** : "And Billy is going to show me corn growing. And don't forget, you promised to show me the deer herd."

**Billy** : "They'll be there tonight. Let's see how the kids are doing in the kitchen." _He walks to the kitchen left stage._

**Billy** : "You did this much today! Look at all those jars! Wow! Good work kids!"

**Honey** : "We finished twelve Mason jars. And next time, after having some practice, we can do twice that amount."

**Duke** : _Calling across the stage._ "I think we'll stick with the grocery store!"

At that moment they hear a truck engine roar and a soft horn. Then the sound fades away.

**Duke** : "Here we go again. The River Valley Raceway!"

**Billy** : "That's just another farmer, George Kinney. He's a member of our Grange, and he said he'd be over today. He's going to help me harvest. He's a friendly guy."

**Duke** : "What's a Grange?"

**Billy** : "It's a group of farmers who share large chores, loan each other equipment, and try to get government to keep our prices reasonable."

**Gretchen** : "So it was a member of your Grange who smiled at me."

**Dina** : "Gretchen, you can't possible know that."

**Gretchen** : "Yes, I can. I recognize the horn." _To Dina_. "I never forget a good 'honk'!"

**Billy** : _Waving good-bye_. "So long! See you later!"

**Gretchen** : "I'll be here." _She walks to the door with him, and out-of-sight holds his hand._

**Duke** : _From the other side of the room._ "If you talk to him later, don't let him forget the contract. Tell him not to be obstinate, if he knows what the word means." _Gretchen gives Duke an angry look_.

The men go to the den area. Dina and Gretchen are left alone in the kitchen.

**Dina** : "I can't believe you're going to see him tonight!"

**Gretchen** : "Yes, I am. But I honestly don't expect anything to happen. We'll be in our own backyard." He is nice, though. Isn't he?"

### ~ Curtain ~

#  Act 2, Scene 3

The stage is totally black. The only sound is that of a farmer's pickup truck engine whining and some rattles from the truck when it bumps over ruts in the access road. Gradually, two dim lights emerge from the dark. The audience should be able to tell that they are the headlights of the truck. Finally, the audience can see only the two lights facing them, and, possibly, some moonlight at the top of the stage. If possible, house lights should be dim or out. The people in the truck are lost in the dark.

The voices are crisp and clear as they would be in a place that is cool and utterly silent.

**Gretchen** : "How can you tell where we are?"

**Billy** : "I've been here before. After we hit a few rough spots, we should be able to turn around. Then, we should be facing a field where the deer hang out."

**Gretchen** : "Have you been here with other women?"

**Billy** : _Laughs_. "No!"

**Gretchen** : "I'll bet!"

**Billy** : "Seriously. No, I haven't met many women in my life that attract me like you do."

**Gretchen** : "You're not just saying that, are you?"

**Billy** : If I were lying, would it be any worse than you wanting me to sign that paper you showed me for your husband?"

**Gretchen** : "I don't even know why I brought it. It was a convenient excuse, I guess. Tell me. Should we be able to hear the corn growing?"

**Billy** : "Only if we are very quiet."

**Gretchen** : "I don't think I'm quiet enough. All I hear is my heart beating."

**Billy** : "Sh-h. I'm going to use the spotlight. Follow the spot."

**Gretchen** : "oo-h! What are those shapes in the field?"

**Billy** : "That's them. The entire herd is out there. I'm going to try to light one up. See!"

**Gretchen** : "There's one. And two. And three." _(Counting)_ "There are at least nineteen deer, and they're all over the place. They're wonderful!"

**Billy** : "So are you."

**Gretchen** : "U-mm. Put that light away and hold me." _A minute or so of silence._

**Billy** : "I can't recall the last time I was kissed like that."

**Gretchen** : "You will have to forgive me, if I seem forward. I've been married so long, I don't know how to be subtle.

More silence and some jiggling of the headlights facing the audience.

**Gretchen** : "O-oh! Did you take Viagra?"

**Billy** : "No-o!'

**Gretchen** : "I would guess that you don't need it. But, remember, I'm not as flexible as I used to be."

**Billy** : "Think now! I don't know how you used to be." _Silence_. "Oo-h! Oo-h!"

**Gretchen** : "I can't think! I can't think at all! Aa-h! Aa-h!" _More silence._

Next the headlights begin to bounce up and down. Male and female moans of pleasure are heard coming from the truck. Then, quiet and stillness.

**Gretchen** : "What a wonderful way to initiate the gas pipeline!"

**Billy** : "What do you know about a gas pipeline?"

**Gretchen** : "Oh, my God! I was oblivious. I wasn't thinking. I'm not even supposed to know about it. And Duke would kill me, if he thought I gave away that information!

**Billy** : "He might want to kill you for being here with me."

**Gretchen** : "No. He's not that kind of a man. Sometimes I wonder if he even cares."

**Billy** : "But what if he does? Now he has that M-7, and he feels empowered."

**Gretchen** : "Did you notice how he didn't pay any attention when you picked me up? He was on the phone to one of his pals, talking about his properties near the river. He was really happy about whatever it was they were discussing.

"And what I told you about the gas line might not even be true. Plans change." _Silence_.

**Billy** : "I don't think the gas line will make any difference to you and me."

**Gretchen** : "Maybe if Duke were a different kind of man, I wouldn't even be here."

**Billy** : "Every person who cheats on their spouse, blames their spouse. You can't go through life blaming your other-half for what you want to do. It certainly doesn't work for me. I'm here because you entered my mind, and I can't get you out of my mind, even if I wanted to."

**Gretchen** : "Oh, I know you are right. Duke and I hardly ever talk about our feelings, so I'm not used to talking about the way I feel. But I can't help but think that I have a silly need to rationalize what I'm doing."

Pause.

"Why is it so quiet? I want you to keep holding me, but I'm getting worried now. Maybe, we should go back before they get suspicious."

**Billy** : "Whatever you say. But I must ask you something."

**Gretchen** : "What?"

**Billy** : "Will there be another time?"

**Gretchen** : "I'm sure there will be."

**Billy** : "Wonderful!"

The sound of the engine starting and the rumble of the truck on the rough road drown out their voices. The two red tail lights fade (move off stage) to the right into the darkness.

### ~ Curtain ~

#  Act 3, Scene 1

Dina and Gretchen are sipping wine in the living room. They are dressed in slacks and light sweaters.

**Gretchen** : "It's nice to be able to talk with my sister with no men around. I'm glad you stayed while Fred went home to take care of his own practice."

**Dina** : "Yes. But I miss Fred when he's away. Don't you miss Duke when he's away?"

**Gretchen** : "No. Not really. When he's on a trip, I can breathe easily. But he's never been away for more than a day or two, so maybe I don't know the answer."

**Dina** : "You may change your mind completely, now that you have something going on.''

**Gretchen** : "I can't say I have something going on. I feel like what happened, was to another me, but not the real me. Maybe, it will never happen again."

**Dina** : "My dear sister, you can't even tell that you have already changed. I see it in the way you speak to your kids and the way you move around the kitchen. You are quieter and softer."

**Gretchen** : "When did you get your degree in psychoanalysis?"

**Dina** : "I don't have to be a psychoanalyst to understand you. You are just the same as when we were growing up. I can remember when you denied having your first 'crush.' Even then, you acted as though you were hiding something. And since then, I'll have you know, I've read Erica Jong, and John Updyke, and even Ann Landers. But most of all: I worked for your husband for ten years."

**Gretchen** : _Soberly_. "Did you have an affair with him?"

**Dina** : _Insulted_. "Why would you ask that kind of question? You know I have to say, no. But I will admit there were times we came close."

**Gretchen** : "How close?"

**Dina** : "You're terrible! I've never known you to want to hurt yourself. What's the point?"

**Gretchen** : "I think you are admitting to a little fooling around, to keep me from learning the truth. I would feel better, if I knew, but it's obvious you don't want to answer."

**Dina** : "I'm here as your guest and your friend. Why should we care about ancient history? And I'm trying to give you all the support I can without ruining your life."

**Gretchen** : "I think you are far ahead of me. I may never talk to him again."

**Dina** : "Then, you're not being honest with yourself."

**Gretchen** : "If you had an affair with my husband, maybe then I'd have an excuse."

**Dina** : "Gretchen! Stop! You don't seem to have any consideration about the way I might feel. Besides, whoever told you that you needed an excuse?"

Billy arrives and knocks on the door to the garden.

**Billy** : "Knock, knock!"

Gretchen walks toward the door; Billy opens it before she gets there. She's surprised. He's carrying two boxes of blackberries.

**Billy** : "I picked these blackberries for you; I had to get them before the birds finished them off."

**Gretchen** : "Oh, thank you! They look luscious. Come in and have some wine with us. Dina and I were just talking about you - er - I mean - our neighbors. That is, I'm - er - trying to tell her how nice our life is here."

Sounds of trucks on the access road every few minutes. Gretchen looks out the window trying to see them.

**Billy** : "Oh, don't worry about them. We're having a meeting of the Grange at our place today."

**Gretchen** : "Grange? Do you have time for a little wine with us?"

**Billy** : "So I can chat with you a few more minutes? Of course." _He enters and greets Dina._

**Gretchen** : "You should see the beautiful blackberries Billy brought us!"

**Dina** : "How nice!"

Billy seats himself. His handsome rugged frame seems out of place in the modern overstuffed chair he is in.

**Gretchen** : "We're drinking an Australian Shariz. Is that all right with you?"

**Billy** : "I'm not much of a wine drinker, but I'd like to try it. I have beer ready for my guests next door.'

**Gretchen** : "I still don't quite understand what a "Grange" is, except that it seems to be a group of farmers."

**Billy** : "That's exactly what it is. We call ourselves the "Philly-Northeast Grange" and it has been in operation since right after the Civil War. It helps farmers share labor and machinery. Philly-Northeast has been quiet for decades, but with the new problems, we are getting active again."

**Dina** : "I've never heard of you."

**Gretchen** : "Neither have I."

**Billy** : "Well, you aren't farmers. And the Grange isn't out to make headlines."

**Gretchen** : "Yes. You farmers are quiet. Most of the people in our country don't even know that you exist."

**Billy** : "Until we run out of food; or someone wants to buy our land for a shopping mall, a housing development, or a golf course."

**Gretchen** : "Speaking of that, have you made any decisions about joining my husband's corporation?"

**Billy** : "Your husband's?"

**Gretchen** : "You know what I mean. The Homesteaders Association. I'm sure you remember what he said about the advantages of everyone bargaining together. He thinks there's strength in numbers."

**Billy** : "That's what the grangers think, too. Listen. I've got to go. A few trucks there already."

**Gretchen** : "Are you going to join the Homesteaders?"

**Billy** : "That's what we all want to know, isn't it? I don't know why we have to rush into a negotiating position. If incorporating is the thing to do, it will become obvious in due time."

**Dina** : "Here's a farmer who speaks like a lawyer."

**Billy** : _Stands up, walks over to Dina._ "Nice to see you again." _He shakes her hand._

Billy steps toward Gretchen, holds her hand, and bends to kiss her forehead.

**Billy** : "I'll be seeing you."

**Gretchen** : _Looks up at him and says in a throaty whisper,_ "Yes."

The women are seated again.

**Dina** : "Considering the way you talk to him and your body language, it's not hard to notice what's going on."

**Gretchen** : "Oh, leave me alone! _(Crying)_ I don't even know why I invited you here! You're not helping things at all!"

**Dina** : "Because if it weren't me, who would it be?"

**Gretchen** : _Wiping away tears,_ "I'm sorry. I'm acting like a schoolgirl."

There is the sound of someone entering from the garage. Duke appears walking with a jaunty gait and carrying a bottle.

**Duke** : "We're going to celebrate! The EPA and all the political people voted in my favor!"

**Dina** : "What are we celebrating, Duke?"

**Duke** : "The water treatment plant. It's going to be built on my two properties! The houses I was going to fix up. I don't have to do that now. Not that it's a big surprise, but I wasn't sure until today!"

**Gretchen** : _Wiping her eyes,_ "Congratulations, dear."

**Duke** : "Why so sad?" _Doesn't wait for a reply_. "I'll get some glasses and we'll celebrate. Maybe we can go into town for dinner.

"Where's Fred. Why isn't he back yet?"

**Dina** : "He'll be here in time for dinner. Have your drink. We'll finish this wine."

**Duke** : "Let me make one phone call first." _He sits and dials his cell phone._

"Silverstein! We did it! The water treatment facility is going to be built on our property, right near the river! And the EPA approved the plan! Didn't I tell you? We did it!

"Now, we push for a percentage of the profits." _(Silence.)_ "No. No. If we sell the properties, capital gains taxes will kill us! We want an income stream. That's all I'm looking for." _He grins broadly at Dina and Gretchen. He doesn't seem to notice that Gretchen's eyes are still moist._

### ~ Curtain ~

#  Act 3, Scene 2

The family is gathered in the front room. Fred is back. Lisa is in the kitchen.

**Lisa** : "Mom! Where did we get these berries?"

**Gretchen** : "Mr. Solomon picked them and brought them to us today. Would you mind rinsing them off in a colander and putting them in some small bowls. And make sure Greg gets some, too."

**Duke** : _Speaking to Gretchen,_ "So, he was here again. Isn't it strange what two attractive sisters can lure home? Pig farmers!" _Nasty_. "Did you ask him about the incorporation papers? Did he sign them? What did he say?"

**Gretchen** : "No. He didn't sign them. He said he didn't understand why we had to rush to get a negotiating position."

**Duke** : "That's about what I expected from a pig farmer!. It's easier to understand a fence around a sty, than it is to understand a legal framework. Did you tell him that he's apt to miss out on something great?"

**Gretchen** : "He's not missing out on anything."

**Dina** : "No, he's not. He's just trying to be nice - and careful."

**Duke** : "What's going on here? Are you taking his side? The pig farmer! The Lone Granger!"

**Gretchen** : "Be careful what you say. I think the kids are here."

**Duke** : "That doesn't matter. A moron is a moron! And the sooner the kids learn that, the better off they'll be."

Lisa and Honey are in the background, obviously listening, but the adults aren't totally aware of them.

**Gretchen** : "He's not just a pig farmer. He's a smart man."

**Duke** : "So smart that he's going to make it difficult for us to make a great deal!

**Fred** : "Give him a little time, Duke. He might be a moron, but even a moron will see the light eventually."

Honey has overheard her father being disparaged. She's offended, and breaks out crying. She runs out the garden door with Greg chasing her.

**Honey** : "Let me go! I'm going home to slurp the pigs!"

**Greg** : "Honey, don't go! You don't have to listen to them!"

Gretchen and Dina are horrified. Gretchen runs to try to catch Honey, but it's too late.

**Gretchen** : "She ran away. My goodness! What does the poor child think?"

**Duke** : "Maybe I came on a little strong. Should I apologize to her?"

**Gretchen** : "Not if you believe what you said. That would make you a hypocrite too."

**Duke** : "Me, a hypocrite? I've been called a lot of things but never a hypocrite. I say what I believe is true, even if it hurts somebody's feelings. They are going to get used to the truth eventually. So I will stand by what I said, even though it wasn't for the little girl's ears."

**Gretchen** : "I'm going next door to see if I can speak to her."

**Duke** : "While you're there, try again to get him to sign the papers!"

Gretchen stops and turns to her husband. With teary determination she speaks.

**Gretchen** : "I don't know how you can be so callous! You might as well hear what I have to say! It is probably my fault that Mister Solomon won't sign. While we were spotting deer I got excited. _(pause)_ I mean- - It was thrilling to see so many deer up close, and I thought of them losing their home, in the woods, and I said, 'It's too bad they will lose their home when the gas pipeline is built'. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that! But now Billy Solomon knows about the gas line, and maybe that's why he won't sign!"

**Duke** : "So, you're a traitor! Can't I trust you with anything? Damn you! How did you find out about the gas line, anyway?"

**Dina** : "Now, Duke, you can't expect news like that not to leak out. Just think of the stories that come out of your law office!"

**Fred** : "I agree. News that leaks out of a lawyer's office is only days ahead of what is in the newspapers."

**Duke** : "But this is my home, not my law office! And I've known about the gas line for months. I was there when the planners decided where to put it.

"I need that extra money from that gas line, so I can run for office. I was counting on it!"

**Gretchen** : "I'm sorry I even heard about the gas line. Now, I'm going next door to see if there's anything I can do for Honey. While I'm there, I'll try to get Billy to sign the papers."

**Duke** : "That would be a great!" _(Angry.)_ "And don't come back with pig shit on your body!"

**Dina** : "Be careful, Gretchen."

**Duke** : "What does she have to be careful about?"

**Dina** : "It's beginning to get dark. Maybe I should go with her."

**Duke** : "You, too?" _Duke glowers at Dina. He stifles a comment he was about to make, when he sees Fred staring and making a distasteful face at him._

**Fred** : "Take it easy, Duke! It isn't the end of the world! I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt the young girl's feelings. I know I'm a guest in your home, but someone has to realize we said things Honey didn't need to hear, and you were too hard on Gretchen!"

### ~ Curtain ~

#  Act 3, Scene 3

In the Solomon's kitchen. It's small and neat compared to the Desantos' home. The furniture is plain and simple home-made. There's a brick fireplace and a small desk. The outside entrance is downstage right. The hallway is dim and joins the rear of the kitchen. Honey is in her bedroom with her door closed to the rear hallway, and the sound of her sobbing can be heard in the kitchen.

Billy Solomon answers a knock on the door and opens it to see Gretchen. He's surprised.

**Billy** : "What do you want?"

**Gretchen** : "I want to speak with Honey."

**Billy** : "I don't know if that's a good idea."

**Gretchen** : Someone ought to talk to her."

**Greg** : _Appearing from inside the house._ "Mom! What are you doing here?"

**Gretchen** : "I want to talk to Honey and tell her that nobody meant what they said."

**Greg** : "She won't believe you!"

**Billy** : _Hearing Honey sobbing,_ "She won't come out of her room. She keeps crying and screams at us when we try to talk to her."

**Gretchen** : "Where's Esther? Can she talk with Honey?"

**Billy** : "She might be able to, but she's shopping. Sit down and have some water, or would you rather have coffee? I understand that her feelings were hurt at your place. What happened?"

**Gretchen** : _With some tears in her own eyes._ "It's just Duke. You know how he can be."

**Billy** : "I don't know. But I do know that he's negligent, self-satisfied, soulless being. And I think you know what I mean."

**Gretchen** : "And he has a big mouth. He says things he doesn't believe."

**Billy** : "Just like in court?"

**Gretchen** : "Probably. Just like in court.

"Oh, Billy, you just don't know! He does have a heart. At least he used to have one. But today he was terribly upset. And it's my fault! Because I told you about plans for the gas pipeline."

**Billy** : "So, that was the big secret?"

They hear a truck pull into the driveway.

**Billy** : "It's Esther. I'll have to help her bring in the groceries."

**Gretchen** : "I'll try to talk to Honey."

**Billy** : "It won't do any good. Your son has been sitting outside her bedroom door, and she won't say a thing to him. Honey, said something about our family being called pig farmers. Is that true?"

**Gretchen** : Hesitating, "Yes. But so what?"

**Billy** : "That's right. So, what? It is true, isn't it?" He is perfectly content with the label. "Excuse me, I have to carry in the groceries."

Esther walks in carrying one grocery bag. She's wearing Levis and looks comfortable doing her duties. She smiles at Gretchen.

**Esther** : "Why is Honey crying? What's going on here?"

**Billy** : "I think I'm beginning to understand..."

A loud shot is heard (sound stage) at the same time the kitchen window shatters and a bullet hits the kitchen wall with a thud.

**Billy** : _Shouting_ , "Get down!" _Everyone falls to the kitchen floor._

**Esther** : _Crawling to the kitchen counter phone._ "I'm calling 911!"

Honey and Greg crawl into the room and crouch behind furniture.

**Honey** : "What's happening?"

**Billy** : "Stay down!" _To Gretchen,_ "Do you think he knows about us? It's me he's after! I'll get my shotgun!" _He runs into a closet and returns with his shotgun._

**Gretchen** : "I think Duke's angry about you not signing the papers. _Quietly, to Billy,_ "I didn't think he would be so angry!"

**Billy** : "You think he's angry about us staying out of the corporation? No, he must be angry for other reasons."

**Esther** : _On the phone,_ "Yes. A shot's been fired into our home. We don't know who did it. Yes. _(Pause)_ We don't have a street number. I'm calling from the Solomon Farm on Rolling Hill Road, just north of River Valley.

"Yes. We'll be here. We aren't going anywhere!"

**Greg** : "I think the shot came from the direction of our house."

**Billy** : "That's right. It we follow the direction the bullet took into our wall, it looks like the shot did come from your house. But it was a poor shot, if he was trying to hit me!"

In a few minutes, a siren is heard and a red-flashing light shines into the Solomon's kitchen. Two policemen enter and see the people and the broken glass on the floor, and Billy with his shotgun.

**Policeman #1** : _To Billy, pointing to the gun,_ "You can put that away now, Sir."

Billy puts the shotgun back in the closet.

**Policeman #2** : "First. Was anyone hurt?" _They all reply,_ "No."

"Let me get your names."

**Esther** : "What about the shooter?"

**Policeman #2** : "Names, first." _He repeats the names as a writes them patiently on his perp pad._ "William Solomon, Esther Solomon, Gretchen Desantos, Greg Desantos, Honey Solomon."

Policeman #2 looks at the glass and follows the bullet's path to the wall.

**Policeman #1** : _To Gretchen._ "What were you folks doing?"

**Gretchen** : "Visiting."

**Policeman #1** : "Where do you live?"

**Gretchen** : "Next door. Over there." _She points._

**Policeman #1** : "And you, Ma'am?" _(To Esther)_ "What were you doing?"

**Esther** : "Bringing in the groceries."

**Gretchen** : "Officer, I think I know where the shot came from . But I don't know why."

**Policeman #1** : "Who do you think did the shooting?"

**Gretchen** : "My husband!"

**Policeman #1** : "Why would he shoot into this house?"

**Gretchen** : "I don't know. I don't know!"

**Policeman #1** : "You people stay here! We're going next door. But first I have to call in." _On his cell phone._ "This is Officer Branigan, number 916; I'm calling for back-up. I'm investigating a 10-32, a shooter fired into a private residence. Yes. 920 and I are going in now. We are at the Solomon farm on Rolling Hills Road. You'll see our car lights."

**Policeman #2** : "You heard the officer. All you people: stay here. We're going in!" _The two officers take their handguns out of their holsters, peek carefully out the doorway, and move into the dark toward the Desantos'._

**Esther** : "Billy, why would Duke want to shoot you?"

**Billy** : "I wish I knew."

### ~ Curtain ~

#  Act 3, Scene 4

**Fred** : _Helping Duke walk back to the Desantos home._ "My God, Duke! They called the police!"

**Duke** : _Hobbling , in pain._ "I think I broke my ankle! That's what I get for thinking I should apologize!"

They enter the Desantos's kitchen, Duke limping.

**Dina** : "How did you hurt your ankle? "

**Duke** : "I tripped, walking to the pig farmer's place . We were about half-way there, when I tripped. And my M-7 fired all by itself !"

**Fred** : "Dina, I told Duke he didn't need the gun."

**Duke** : "Ow! I'm not going to walk around here at night without a gun, when there are bears, coyotes, and snakes all over the place!"

**Fred** : "But you haven't taken the safety course, yet."

**Duke** : "If I had to, I could protect us without taking a course."

**Fred** : "You just showed us that."

**Dina** : "Hey! There're people with flashlights coming here from the Solomon's."

**Fred** : "They probably heard the shot."

Flashlights shine through the window from the approaching policemen.

**Fred** : "Quiet. Someone's coming around the corner of the building."

**Duke** : "I'm going to get my gun!"

**Fred** : "No, you're not!" _He takes the gun and again places it high above the kitchen cabinets._

**Dina** : "Shall we hide?"

**Duke** : "I can't run!"

While they are talking about what to do, the two policemen kick open the front door and enter with their weapons drawn. Outside, there is a racket of sirens and loud engines as other police cars appear.

**Policeman #1** : "Drop your weapons! Then, face down on the floor!"

**Duke** : "You can't do that: we're taxpayers and lawyers!"

**Policeman #1** : "I don't care if you're the Attorney General! Stay down!"

**Dina** : "You've got well-trained policemen here."

**Duke** : "You'll be sorry when I get you in court! I'm well-known in this community. You must have seen my advertising on TV. 'The Desantos Law Firm.' And my motto is: 'Let the Vanguard of Democracy protect your rights.'"

**Policeman #2** : "Where are your weapons?"

**Duke** : "We don't have any weapons. All we have is a hunting rifle."

**Policeman #1** : "Where is it?"

**Duke** : _To Fred,_ "What did you do with it?"

**Fred** : "I put it on top of the kitchen cabinets." _To the policeman,_ "I'll get it for you."

**Policeman #1** : "Oh, no! We'll get it. You, the one who hid the gun. You're abetting a crime!"

**Fred** : "I didn't hide it. I wanted to put it in a safe place."

**Policeman #1** : "Hide it? Over the kitchen cabinet? It's the first place a child would look!"

**Duke** : "Don't worry, Fred. I'll be your lawyer. I'll get you out of this!"

**Fred** : "Well, you did get me into this. I'm not going to pay you to represent me."

**Duke** : "I expect you to represent me."

**Dina** : "Have you boys settled your pro-bonos? Maybe they will let us stand up now."

**Policeman #1** : "Yeah, all of you can stand up now."

**Fred** : _To policemen. Standing with his arms cuffed behind him._ "I really am a lawyer, you know. I'm Fred Already, esquire, from 'Brenner, Hoffstrom, and Already'. You must have seen our TV ads, with a group of serious men in dark suits are standing around a desk, looking compassionate. That's us. I mean that's me."

**Policeman #2** : _To Fr_ ed, looking at Duke, "We know he's the criminal. You're the abettor. Now, I'd like to ask you one question. Why did you fire a shot into your neighbor's house?"

Duke, Fred, and Dina are flabbergasted

**Duke** : "What are you taking about?"

**Policeman #1** : "Don't tell us you don't know! Were you and your neighbor arguing about something? A property-line dispute? Two much eyeing of each other's wives? Some hanky-panky going on? There must have been something!"

There's a noise at the garden entrance and all can hear a scream from Gretchen.

**Gretchen** : "It's my house! And I'm going in! You're not going to stop me!"

She runs into the room and stares at the handcuffed people. Another policeman comes running in.

**Policeman #3** : "I couldn't stop her, Brannigan! She surprised me!"

**Duke** : _Turning his head up_ , "Tell them that I'm a lawyer, that I'm on TV, and well-known! Tell them!"

**Gretchen** : "That's my husband. And he didn't do anything." _Seeing the rifle in a policeman's hands,_ "At least, he doesn't know he did anything!"

**Dina** : "Tell us. What is this all about?"

**Gretchen** : "Someone fired a bullet into the Solomon's house. We don't know who, or why."

**Fred** : "Oh, oh!"

**Duke** : "When I twisted my ankle and fell, I fired a shot into the woods."

**Gretchen** : "No, dear, it didn't go into the woods. It went through the Solomons' window! Fortunately, no one was hit! Officers, he's innocent! Let my people go!"

**Policeman #1** : "You guys can get into the car now. The two men here. Come with me. Lady," _(To Dina) "_ Go with the other officer."

**Dina** : "Why me? I didn't do anything!"

**Policeman #1** : "You're a material witness."

**Dina** : "Didn't you hear? These men are lawyers!"

**Policeman #1** : "Lady, even if you were Moses himself, we still give the orders. And don't bug me! We have put quite a few lawyers into the care of the state."

The policemen lead Duke, Fred, and Dina out the door to the police cars. The other police cars pull away and it's quiet again. Greg and Honey enter the kitchen.

**Greg** : "I know my Dad hurt your feelings, but he would never have fired a gun into your kitchen on purpose."

**Honey** : "He's a hateful man!"

**Greg** : "Not really. He just sounds that way. Didn't you hear him tell the policeman he was on his way to apologize to you? Lisa was there. Ask her."

**Honey** : "He's the kind of man who hurts other people without even realizing it. He ruined our whole night, and the entire neighborhood!

"Did you hear the police wanted my Dad to go to the station to put in a complaint? He refused to go."

**Greg** : "I'm sure my Dad will apologize."

**Honey** : "He probably will, but it's too late to make much of a difference. The best thing that may come of this is the big lesson you had on not being like your father."

**Greg** : "I don't want to become a lawyer,"

**Honey** : "That's not what I meant."

**Greg** : "Let's go and listen to some really loud music!"

The young people leave backstage right. Gretchen and Esther enter from the garden door.

**Gretchen** : "I can't believe what just happened here!"

**Esther** : "I thought somebody was trying to kill us or frighten us away."

**Gretchen** : "Why would anybody want to do that?"

**Esther** : "One never knows those things." _(Quiet follows.)_ "Of course, it could have been a poacher trying for a deer. That happened once years ago, just before you built your house. A shot came close to our house."

**Gretchen** : _With great consternation,_ "It was all my fault!"

**Esther** : "That's ridiculous. I'm sure you didn't make your husband tramp through the woods at night lugging a loaded rifle."

**Gretchen** : "But I made Duke angry."

**Esther** : "How? By going for a ride with Billy? And Billy might be having some second thoughts about that. I'm not concerned about that sort of thing, but it could be a mind-breaker for some men."

**Gretchen** : _Cautiously_ , "Of course not! It's what I told Billy that set Duke off."

**Esther** : "What did you tell him for goodness sake?"

**Gretchen:** _Cautiously_ , "Why not? It was about the gas line. I said it might cause the deer we were spotting to lose their homes. I forgot I was not supposed to mention the gas line! And I kept you people from signing our incorporation papers!"

**Esther** : "I don't know about that!"

**Gretchen** : "None of this makes any difference now. I made Duke angry, and he had a lot on his mind. As long as you are here, why don't you have a glass of wine with me?"

**Esther** : "Yes, I'd like that. You people have good wine here. But you don't know how wrong you are! We knew about the gas for months! We watched while the engineers surveyed the route. And most of the members of the Grange knew where the line would be.

"The Grange met at our place all summer. I'm sure you saw all the pick-up trucks driving through. Most of us are poor by your standards, but we have a lot of land and hope leasing will bring us a little money."

**Gretchen** : "You knew, all along? Why didn't you tell us?"

**Esther** : "Unlike your husband, my husband doesn't get paid for talking. He's a quiet man. He could have taken John Wayne's place in "The Quiet Man."

**Gretchen** : "He sure could. Why, he even looks like John Wayne."

**Honey** : _Calling from the kitchen,_ "Who's John Wayne?"

**Gretchen** : "A handsome old-time actor. Why do you keep listening to our conversation?"

**Honey** : "How else am I going to know what's going on here?"

**Gretchen** : "You don't have to know everything. Especially if you might hear something that will make you cry again."

**Esther** : "Although I prefer to let Billy make our business decisions, I would have told you, but you didn't ask."

**Gretchen** : "That's right. We didn't ask you. We didn't even know you."

Billy walks in with Lisa, and Greg.

**Esther** : "What have you been doing?"

**Billy** : "I had to cover the hole in our shattered window with cardboard . I'll get the glass tomorrow. Have you ladies had a good chat?"

**Gretchen** : "Of course. Isn't it always the women who have to get things started again, after the boys have had their little jousts and petty wars?"

**Esther** : "Yes, and where are the boys anyway?"

**Billy** : "The police took Dina and them to the station an hour ago. You should have heard your husband. He was bound and determined to call everyone he knew in government. _(Smiling.)_ The police were tired of listening to him even before he got into their car."

The phone rings. Lisa answers.

**Lisa** : "Mom. Dad. It's the police station. They want to know if there's someone here who can drive Dina, Dad and Uncle Fred home."

**Billy** : "I'd volunteer. But I'd have to keep the windows in my truck open a little, to let the hot air out." _He laug_ hs and goes into the kitchen with the children.

**Gretchen** : _Taking the phone._ "Oh! They just said there's a policeman going off duty who will bring them home. Good. It's one advantage of a small town."

The lights shift to the children in the kitchen, where they are dipping ice cream and topping it with whipped cream.

**Lisa** : "I like ice cream more than I like corn."

**Greg** : "So-o-o-?"

**Lisa** : "Don't 'so-o-o' me. I wasn't talking to you !"

**Honey** : "Don't start fighting. Would you like to take a walk and see if we can find the fawn? Dad, would you help us find the fawn?"

**Billy** : "Certainly." _They nod agreement and go out the garden door._

The lights dim and come back on where the women are sitting in the living room down stage. The police bring Dina, Duke and Fred home. The two lawyers are speaking loudly and laughing as they recount their stay in the police station.

**Fred** : "I'm glad to get those cuffs off. They were hurting my wrists!"

**Duke** : "I'll bet they don't put them as tight on real criminals."

**Gretchen** : "Oh, Fred, I'm so sorry."

**Fred** : "It nothing for you to be sorry about. You should have heard Duke telling the police they didn't know what they were doing."

**Gretchen** : "My husband. Arguing with the police?"

**Dina** : "He gave all the policemen headaches, and the desk sergeant turned off his hearing aid."

**Duke** : "I just made sure they knew who I was. I even had them turn on the TV to see my ad! And I signed up to represent Fred in court."

**Fred** : "And I'm going to represent Duke."

**Gretchen** : "You're going to court?"

**Duke** : "Of course. That's why they're so afraid of me. I pled not guilty!"

**Gretchen** : "Does that mean you aren't going to pay for the window and other damages?"

**Duke** : "Of course not! I fully intend to pay the pig farmer for any damage I've done."

_Changing the subject,_ "But getting arrested was a good experience for both of us. I'd say we can call it a learning experience. After being handcuffed and booked like a common criminals, we'll have more empathy for our clients."

**Dina** : "Just think of how much empathy you'll have after spending a few months in jail. You might even meet some of our old clients there! Then, you can use the story in your TV ads. Attorneys who have been arrested and know exactly how you feel."

**Esther** : _Openly offended._ "Oh! Mr. Desantos. What can I tell you? Billy will give you a bill for repairs, once we have everything we need. I'll let him take care of business deals in his own way. He's good at it."

**Duke** : "Yeah, yeah. I hear you. But he won't even take part in a deal that would be quite profitable for him.

"Here he comes now. Maybe, now that the air is cleared, I can talk to him about the corporation."

Billy and the children arrive from the garden.

**Lisa** : "The fawn is gone!"

**Greg** : "I tried to tell her that just because the fawn hasn't slept next to the garage for two nights, doesn't mean anything bad happened to him."

**Lisa** : "They won't come back anymore, because they're afraid of the gun."

**Greg** : "We don't know that."

**Duke** : "Billy, come over here and have some wine with us. Gretchen, would you get him a glass so we can make a toast to our new corporation."

**Billy** : "Sure."

**Duke** : "I'll get a copy of the agreement." _He looks in his desk and pulls out a pack of paper._

**Billy** : _To Esther,_ "Shall I tell him?"

**Esther** : _Nods,_ "Yes, by all means!"

**Billy** : _To Gretchen,_ "Shall I tell him?"

**Gretchen** : _Nods slowly, "_ Yes."

**Gretchen** : "What do you intend to tell him?" _(Worried)_

**Lisa** : "The fawn is gone." _(Begins to cry.)_

Duke tries handing a document on a clipboard to Billy, who takes it, but doesn't pay any attention to it.

**Billy** : "I'm not going to sign up with the River Valley Homesteaders. Not at all!"

Duke has trouble saying anything.

**Billy** : "In fact, I might as well tell you what we are doing, but I can assure you, it won't interfere with your Homesteaders Group.

"In the first place, I and other members of our Grange have been watching development of the gas fields carefully. We knew right from the start that a gas line would be built across some of our properties.

"We've already organized and are ready to sign a lease agreement with General Resources."

Duke is awestruck.

**Billy** : _Continuing_ , "Secondly, one of our members was bothered by some strange dark goo that made puddles on his land and made it hard to plow. Turns out that the goo is oil. And we made sure our lease included mineral rights and oil."

**Duke** : "Oil, too? It can't be! You must have listened to my phone conversations! There's no way anyone not in the county engineer's office could have known that!"

**Gretchen** : "No, Dear! They watched the surveyors."

**Duke** : "How in hell do you know that?

**Gretchen** : "I just know. And you're going to have to learn that you're not the Center of the Universe!

**Lisa** : "The fawn is gone!" _(Cries.)_

Duke looks around. Honey and Greg are kneeling next to Lisa, trying to console her.

Fred and Dina are looking at each other with their backs to him.

Gretchen has walked away and is looking out a window.

Duke clears his throat and looks from one character to the next. It seems the others are shunning him. After at least a minute of silence, he stares at the ceilings and does a walking maneuver. He seems to be overcome with an idea that changes his mood entirely. He walks over to Lisa, but she turns her back to him.

**Duke** : "I'm sorry. I won't ever again fire a gun near my home. I think I can get used to having deer living near us."

He stands up and wants to address the others, who still have their backs to him.

**Duke** : _Moving closer to Gretchen_. "Center of the Universe! Me? Are you trying to be funny?"

Nobody replies. The characters are utterly silent.

**Duke** : "All right! I was wrong!"

Gretchen turns her back on him.

Duke comes to the edge of the stage and assumes his monologue stance of addressing a jury. While the others totally ignore him and face away from him, he rationalizes to the audience. The others are still and appear not to hear him.

**Duke** : "I thought I was doing everything I could for my family, my neighbors, my State. Even if you don't understand me, I must admit that I realized you can't help anyone else unless you help yourself first. My dream was to climb the ladder of success until I reached the place where I could help other people."

He turns to his family and friends who continue to shun him.

**Duke** : "Do you hear me? Do you hear me?"

Hearing no reply, he stomps off the stage via the garage door. The audience hears a car engine start and then speed away.

**Lisa** : "Where is Daddy going?"

**Gretchen** : "I don't know. He needs to let off some steam"

**Billy** : "I think he's driving up the access road! His car won't clear those ruts!"

**Fred** : "Why is he going out there? Isn't he afraid of animals? Should we go after him?"

**Gretchen** : "No! He wouldn't want us to follow him. Besides I don't have anything more to say to him."

**Esther** : "I'm sorry. I didn't expect him to be so upset with the news. It's time for us to go home. Maybe things will look better after a good night's sleep."

Billy and Esther proceed out the garden door, Billy using a large flashlight to lead the way.

Gretchen lights a candle on the kitchen table. It is silent again.

**Gretchen** : "Where do you think he is?"

**Fred** : "Sitting in his car, stuck somewhere out there."

**Greg** : "Maybe I should look for him. I know all the trails."

**Gretchen** : "Let's just wait and see. If he's stuck out there, he can use the time to think."

**Dina** : "He's going to come back and tell us how we destroyed his plans."

**Gretchen** : "Dina, I'm desperately tired. Listening to your crabbing makes me even more tired."

Lisa moves over to sit next to Dina, as though to defend her Aunt. Fred falls asleep resting his head on his arms on the kitchen table. Gretchen tends the candle (Or the fireplace) and sits back in her chair. Greg stretches out on a sofa. The characters breathe heavily. The lights dim. A ticking pendulum clock is heard, illustrating the passage of time. Also, lights dim for a minute or two, and then come back on.

There is a loud crashing sound at the garden door. It is Duke, who falls into the house onto his knees. His clothes are disheveled and he appears to have briar scratches.

**Duke** : "At last! I thought I was never going to make it!"

The others awake in their sleeping positions and slowly go the entranceway to meet Duke.

**Duke** : "My car got stuck, so I walked home. I had only this small flashlight in the car, so I couldn't see well. I lost my way a few times. Finally, I spotted our house lights and ran through the woods to find the road again. You'll never guess what helped me find the path!"

**Lisa** : "A compass?"

**Greg** : "The moon or the stars?"

**Duke** : "No. I tried to walk back the way I drove out. There were these huge dark shapes on either side of the access road. Very scary. Every now and then, using my little flashlight, I saw pairs of eyes. At first, I worried about bears and coyotes. But I soon realized they belonged to deer, a lot of them! They seemed to be guiding me along the road, even protecting me! Suddenly, I was no longer afraid. I put my trust in those deer! I've never experienced anything like that before!"

_Standing up and moving closer to Dina and Fred._ "I know, Fred, I exceeded the bounds of our profession. I thought I was smarter than everyone else. I now realize how ordinary I am. _(Sobs a little.)_ I tried to use for my own profit what I learned confidentially in my position.

"Fred, I'm giving up my plan for Bear Mountain! You can still help me represent the townspeople. We will be a strong team. Oakland Electric will have to find someone else to represent them."

Fred turns around and faces Duke.

"And my two properties where the water treatment facility will be built: they'll become the property of The River Valley Homesteader's Association. I'd like to sign them over to the corporation right now!

"And Dina, welcome to my home, as my guest, and as my sister-in-law. Not as my former secretary."

Dina turns around and faces him.

"And my dear, Gretchen. How you have put up with me, I don't know." _(She still has her back to him.)_

**Gretchen** : "I hope you will be kinder to the people next door."

**Duke** : "I certainly will. Even though they concealed their ties with another group, and even though they withheld evidence, they are not bad people."

**Gretchen** : "Aren't you ever going to stop talking like a lawyer?"

**Duke** : "Of course. I intend to listen more to what you have to say. And I'm going to keep my eyes on you, for you are the center of my universe! Case closed!"

She faces him, and he holds her.

### ~ Curtain ~

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