Good morning, Hank, and welcome to Cooking With John!
The show where we make and eat disgusting things!
In our last episode, you'll no doubt remember, I made and ate a blenderized McDonald's Happy Meal.
Today we're going to eat the nutritional equivalent of some Carl's Jr. specialty burger,
But instead of eating the burger itself, we're going to eat its constituent parts.
So, fat,
Corn syrup,
Salt, and of course, protein.
Um, I got this strawberry flavored protein because it was cheaper,
so...that will probably be a regret of mine.
Also, of course, a hamburger bun.
I got the wheat buns because, you know, I'm watchin' my figure.
So we're going to have a quarter cup of pure, unadulterated Crisco fat.
That is... *laughs* really gross.
One teaspoon of high fructose corn syrup in the form of Mrs. Butterworth...
And we're going to have one teaspoon of salt...
...and two scoops of soy protein...
...strawberry-flavored.
Now we're going to turn it on...
...and we're gonna turn this into a delicious mush.
Do you think it's gonna be better or worse than the blenderized Happy Meal?
SARAH: Um...better.
JOHN: Really?
SARAH: Yeah, just consistency-wise.
JOHN: The blenderized Happy Meal was the worst...event of my life.
SARAH: I think having the bun [crosstalk] as a, like, JOHN: Yeah
SARAH: familiar element— JOHN: Right SARAH: —will help it considerably.
JOHN: It's just a sandwich, you know? Just a fat...sandwich.
SARAH: I kind of have a new fear.
JOHN: What's your new fear?
SARAH: *laughs* I think you're gonna like it.
JOHN: You think I'm gonna like it? *laughs*
And I'm gonna be like, "Baby, make me a fat sandwich! Strawberry flavored, please!"
Time for the sexy close-up, Hank.
Look at that beautiful fat sandwich.
Alright, Hank. I'm gonna eat this.
SARAH: Describe it, John.
JOHN: It's kind of delicious. [Sarah laughs]
SARAH: That's what I thought you'd say!
JOHN: Unfortunately, it's really good.
The strawberry flavoring is amazing, and it's salty and sugary and fatty. Mmm!
Okay, Hank, I'm about halfway through my, uh
my burger...
um
And it is starting to taste pretty bad.
That first bite was delicious, and now I feel kind of sick, but I'm just... I'm gonna power through.
[Sarah laughs quietly as John coughs.]
[Sarah laughing]
It's really nasty now. It's really nasty now.
VOICEOVER:
Uh, I'm just gonna freeze it right there, Hank,
VOICEOVER:
because a lot of young people watch our videos,
VOICEOVER:
and they don't need to see a 31-year-old man
VOICEOVER:
having what is known in competitive eating circles as a reversal of fortune.
Back to it.
Oh, God, the commitment.
I love you, nerdfighters.
I did it!
Just like regular fast food, the first couple bites were delicious, and then it became progressively grosser,
and then I vomited,
and then I managed to continue eating.
To pay further penance, I will answer the first 317 questions asked in comments,
particularly if they're at the Ning.
Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
