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\f0\fs40 \cf0 After five weeks of The Last
Ride, is The Undertaker finally retired? FUCK
outta here.\
\
The Last Ride is a five-part Tragedy about
the Life and Times of The Undertaker And Bryan
Adams made the doc, shout out to him.\
I say tragedy because Mark Calaway is clearly
a pro wrestling junkie, and he\'92s surrounded
himself with enablers. Part documentary, part
Groundhog Day, The Last Ride also serves as
a somewhat toxic love story between Mark Calaway
and his pro wrestling wife, \
Vince McMahon. \
These two are terrible for each other right
now, because The Undertaker is addicted to
pro wrestling, Vince McMahon is addicted to
the past \
And as long as both are alive, The Undertaker
will never run out of comebacks. \
Here\'92s a few quotes from the documentary
so you, at home, can gauge Taker\'92s level
of addiction: \
\
\'93Any addiction is bad, even when it\'92s
the healthy stuff\'94 Shawn Michaels\
\'93[Undertaker] Can\'92t say no to Vince\'94
Michelle McCool \
\'93It\'92s been so hard to walk away\'94
The Undertaker \
\'93It\'92s hard to walk away from something
you love\'94 The Undertaker \
\'93I should be in there\'94 The Undertaker
at WrestleMania 35\
\
The basic gist of the documentary is this:
\
The Undertaker has a bad batch, but he can\'92t
go out like that so he trains, comes back
and has a good match, so suddenly he thinks
to himself \'93I might have a few left in
me,\'94 so he trains, comes back and has a
bad match, to which he says \'93I can\'92t
go out like that,\'94 and the vicious cycle
continues. \
\
At one point\'97after a good match\'97Undertaker
told Vince he might be done. Vince said, and
I quote, \'93I\'92ll follow your lead.\'94
\
Two months later, Mean Mark came back to cut
a promo at Madison Square Garden\'97because
according to Undertaker, Vince wanted him
to\'97and Undertaker made his official comeback
in Saudi Arabia shortly thereafter. \
Even after almost breaking his freaking neck
against Goldberg, admitting that he was inches
away from making his wife a widow and his
children fatherless Undertaker still tagged
with Roman Reigns at Extreme Rules! \
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\cf0 \
\pard\pardeftab560\slleading20\partightenfactor0
\cf0 For those keeping score: \
The Undertaker can\'92t retire after a bad
match\
The Undertaker can\'92t retire after a good
match \
The Undertaker can\'92t retire after telling
Vince he\'92s retired\
And The Undertaker can\'92t retire after admittedly
coming within inches of death! \
\
JUNKIE\
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\cf0 \
\pard\pardeftab560\slleading20\partightenfactor0
\cf0 He kind of pretended to retire at the
end of the fifth and Final part of the doc,
\
But only after saying \'93Never Say Never!\'94
\
Yeah, The Undertaker is retired. Him and Terry
Funk. \
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\cf0 \
\pard\pardeftab560\slleading20\partightenfactor0
\cf0 There\'92s no doubt in my mind that Mark
Calaway is a pro wrestling, give it to me
Sheamus, junkie! \
And mark my words, he\'92ll be back. Maybe
in Boneyard II, maybe at WrestleMania 37,
Maybe as a Cult Leader of the Forgotten Sons
\
He\'92ll be back. And even as an Undertaker
fan, that scares the hell out of me. \
But I guess that\'92s always been the gimmick.
}
