Good morning. Good morning. What would you
like to talk about today? Ahhhhh...let's see.
Over the years we've
gotten a lot of
questions, because we do the free
webinars and we do the
Q&A's with the groups and Facebook
lives.
And one question that keeps coming up,
almost
every single time is, "What can I
do to help my friends or
family go through this transition with
more
ease?" Even though then they don't have
tools or they're really
deep into 3D, how can I help them make it
a little bit easier?
There's one answer
but it's too simple of an answer. And it
will apply if you are masterful at
managing
your space and standing in front of the
people and allowing them to be who they
are.
Most of us are not that manageable.
It gets challenging, particularly when
you have times like right now,
where you have this huge polarization.
And
everybody's got an opinion about right
and wrong.
And you've got really hard, dug in
opinions about right and wrong.
Whether they're right or wrong it
doesn't matter, it's my opinion and I
know what I'm talking about.
And then you try to deal with that, it's
a complicated thing.
One of the places in regard to that
polarized, dug-in opinion is,
I find that if you can
not argue with it,
just allow it, just really simply. Because
you're not going to win the argument,
and all you're going to do is get
frustrated with that person with a
real rigid point of view.
One of the things that you can do is
come up with some very specific
answers or comments when you get
confronted with,
"Well, why don't you believe like I
believe?" For example,
you change the subject slightly to,
"Well, tell me a little bit more about
that."
And be curious.
Maybe they have something interesting to say. "Tell me a little bit more about that,"
just took it off of you having to defend
yourself
to them simply doing what they really
want to do, which is talk about
their belief system that much more. So
tell me a little bit more about that. Ask
a second question,
"Okay, well where does that go in terms of
some kind of a solution?"
In both questions, you're not either
challenging
or pushing against,
you're simply giving them some room. And
then
you no longer are the target of, "How can
you,"
"Why are you so stupid," and 
"What's wrong with you?"
And simply come to a place, that kind of
the third thing you say is,
"Huh, that's really interesting, I'll think
about that a little bit more."
You didn't get into a fight, you didn't
get into
having to have an opinion and you can
actually walk away.
So the key to that is there's three
statements to play with for yourself.
There's others too,
but in that polarized situation, how do
you
get out of that. The
family members are really this and
you're that.
The other thing is pay attention to
where
people are in pain and
when you have a chance to assist,
assist. Another part of it is, in that
kind of religious context of don't cast
your pearls before
swine, that statement really means;
once you start engaging with fixing,
healing,
trying to convince them of something
else,
chances are you're going to get your
head bit off. Or
they're going to condemn you or they're
going to
then deny you. What if you have
a
relationship with a boss and 
you find yourself accidentally
moved way over here and now you have to
agree with me.
Having a set of questions back
that allows you to kind of step away,
as I said in the first place. 
The key is it's not your fight. If
you can be of help to somebody,
help. Where you're not going to
win the battle or you're probably going
to lose the war,
figure out a way of just simply saying,
"That's interesting, I'll think about that."
Now that's not a pure
answer to everything.
My answer to that question, if
someone emails or asks me directly,
if 
they say how can I help my family and
friends,
and my first response is, you can't.
Because a lot of times they are not
asking.
They're in their own bubble all wound up,
proselytizing and
anybody who doesn't believe what I
believe is going to hell. They're
they're wound up in this painful
vortex. And to
to insert yourself and try to
make them think differently
you're not going to be able to
do that, so you don't try to change
people. And you said
something too, that is what I do
I say
to folks, allow them to simply be where
they are.
There's a lot going on in the world,
people are really in a lot of pain right
now,
there's confusion, there's transition
a huge shift.
Just allow them to be where they are and
recognize that
pain speaks really loudly sometimes. 
Really be clear too, this is not, I
mean what you just said,
is not about I don't care. In
fact quite the opposite.
So many of you are healers and
many of you are out of control healers.
And what I mean by that is, like you want
to fix the world and fix everything.
There's a state of
balance in this, and there's a state of
maturity in this, and there's a state of
observing
and pausing, until you can actually
influence something in a manner that
allows them to get better.
You take it down a notch or move it over
a notch, and you start looking at
in situations where people are sick.
Let's go to that physical side.
Or mentally disturbed, they're depressed
all the time or they're
really upset about life, or they
literally lost their job. Or somebody in
the family just died and that person's
really distraught.
Fixing them is something that
they're not asking, as Roxane just said,
to be fixed.
And a lot of times the task is
what do they need? And many times all
they need is to simply have somebody
sitting there listening.
In each of our spaces it's really,
can you be
in that state of present time observing
and then choosing an action that relates
to where
they are. And this word, allowing them to
be where they are.
A lot of times people are in really bad
places
by their own doings and they
simply will not let go of, he did this
and I'm never going to let him go.
Really pretty third dimension, always and
never,
rigid constructs. You're not going to fix
that.
So when you start saying, well what
if you gave them a little bit more
respect but you're going to get your
head bit off.
One of the most challenging parts
of this is doing nothing.
Being available, how can I help you, let
me know. I'm available for you if you
want something.
Ask if you want something but I'm going
to simply be here but I'm not going to
try to fix you.
Be there and available
but don't match them, don't buy into
their game.
Not game as negative, but they're in
a vortex, don't step into their vortex.
Just hold your space and like
Project Park Bench,
create a light that's so bright, an
attitude,
a countenance that's so bright, that when
you're around these people they
notice and they go, "Well, I want some of
that."
There's another piece of this too, we
talk about this in Mastering Alchemy, but
there are a lot of people who are
victims in the game that they're playing.
And recognize as much as this will sound
outrageous, particularly if you're the
victim,
is victim is a choice. It's not an
accident that happens to you, somebody
else is doing it to me.
There's reality, somebody else is
in the process of doing it to you.
The ability to step out of that, I'm
the victim space,
into a place of authority, or choice, or
action, is very different than poor me,
I'm the victim, they're doing it to me.
When you start to recognize that
there's a game, and we touch on it
a lot in Level 2, is Victim, Rescuer,
Persecutor is a game. All three pieces
are part of the game. You can't get rid
of
the Victim without dealing with the
Rescue or Persecutor. 
In that space, as you begin to recognize
how am I playing this game with these
people? Quite often
your ability to step out of the game
yourself gives
them the room to step up and change
themselves, because it takes
two people to play a game. And
when you take your ball
and go home they don't have any room to
play.
What you do is you can begin to
change the configuration
into well-being, into opportunity, into
certainty, clarity, focus. Kind of
vibrations like that,
they change. They simply begin to adapt
to where you are. Some of you may hear
that as hard or like, well they don't
really care.
Absolutely to the contrary. The only way
of getting out of the
the muck of the game that is, but this is
my life,
and they don't understand, is to get out
of the muck.
And that is an action that's required.
And if you
always do what you've always done,
guaranteed, you'll always get what you've
always got.
How do you choose? Here's a
trick too that some people have
told me about.
If there's a brochure or something that
you find inspiring and you'd like
this other person to
read but you can't tell them, "Oh you
should read this."
You just leave it out on the counter.
Just leave it out on the
coffee table with no charge, no "You've
got
to read this." Nothing like that,
just
happened to leave it out and see what
happens. And another piece of that,
a lot of times without getting into the,
"Well you think you know everything," kind
of response from
somebody when you're trying to help them.
I've found
talking to people is, "Yeah, I know
somebody that did this the other day
and they had this
great experience where they did XYZ
and they got hired at this company. It
was really kind of
interesting listening to their
conversation."
Lay it on the table, walk away.
You're not telling them, you're not
directing, "You
should." It's really a great way of
being of
real valuable assistance by talking
about somebody else's success.
Not so much that they begin to say, "Well
I can never do that," or
they see what you're doing. Just
simply say, "Yeah my friend just had this
experience, it was really
quite remarkable." Short,
lay it in the table, walk away. And be
neutral, don't be attached to them
reading it or doing it. No
attachment. I remember you
telling this woman something through
stories ten different times and finally
she got it and said, "Well gee, I wish
somebody told me this before." And
it's like you burst out laughing inside.
I've been trying for months.
And then you just, "Great, that's good that
you've succeeded. I'm happy for you."
So helping
often is not helping, unless you're able
to kind of observe
and then create an opportunity
and allow them to choose it or not.
Good one. Go off and have a nice morning.
morning
