

Do What You Like

Khushroo Pithawalla

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 khushroo Pithawalla

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter-wise summary/Index

1. Why you should read this book

Defines the audience.

2. Why you can use this book

Written for all those in the above category.

3. Learning to fly

Learning from one success and applying to other areas.

Creating a doubt that it's possible.

4. The chit of paper, 2 years into professional life

Power of the written goal and how it controls destiny

5. My Vision and mission statements

Beliefs

Thoughts as a result of all that we know

Understanding irrationality

Breaking the link of beliefs and current reality

6. Fear

Avoidance

Non acceptance

Optimal fear

Use of shields, protects and preserves

Fight and flight responses

Increasing thresholds

Mentor help

My experiences with fear

7. Worst case Scenarios

Increasing threshold levels by differentiating danger and fear

Being in the present

How much is enough, need versus greed tool.

8. What do I want to do.

Discovering what makes you happy

What before how

Creating a sales pitch.

9. Me as a corporate

Where will I find my purpose – right where you are.

Everything I do, is for the product

Specialist

Value add

Man on a mission

10. Introspecting for excuses.

Dream of what you will do, not what you want

Feel bad

Our contribution to our situation

Action versus destiny

Army - Scaring each other with big bombs, prevents war.

Jobs that pay too high – lifestyle

11. Fear

Governs behaviour, deal with it.

12. Universe, God and all the rest.

Death, a reminder to act now.

Fear of the future

Nothing happens when we fail

13. Trust

The game that changed me

Trust begets trust

Trust in today's world

14. Love and betrayal

Role of the offended

Focusing on what you want

One often meets destiny on the road he takes to avoid it

Passions, nirvana.... Find and follow

15. Achieving personal glory

Promises made to ourselves

Private victories

Just do it & impossible is nothing

16. The universe and I

People around you

Oneness

Universal mind

Achieving together

17. Forming your team

Supportive people around you and supporting the right people

Flow and teams

Involvements

18. Leadership

Habits, mountains & purpose

River as a path

Us more Them less

Provide meaning

19. Corporations and organizations

Motivation in small and large organizations

Employee versus contractual

20. Been there, Done that

Self discovery

Enjoyable journey

No win lose, only win win

Anti destructive

Mahabharata, oneness and war

My episodes

21. Dumb Asses

A story by Issac Assimov

22. One.

Redefine the concept of winning

23. Levels of existence.

### Why you should read this book.

In the not so distant past, I would wake up in the morning suffering from Monday morning blues. It happened not just on Mondays but on Tuesday, Wednesday, ....but when it happened on a Saturday it was time to do something.

In a book I had read, the author explained how it helps to keep a log of your daily routine. Although I forget the reasoning, I decided to keep a daily log.

As suggested by the author, I recorded each detail and then tried to match it with what I desired from life. Unsurprisingly I had nothing to match it with and so life went on.

Then .a series of events took place. Not only did I figure out what my calling was, I reached there so easily that it made me write this book. I trust it will create enough hope in your mind to try out these ways of being and explore how to create something that you cherish.

Life has, since, been happier. Monday morning blues are a thing of the past. I have found that doing what I like and getting paid for it has been the best way to live this short and precious life.

### Why you can use this book

It's practical and has an established theory to support it.

The concepts discussed have helped me confront the daily realities of life. They have worked not only for me, but for many of my friends and participants of my programs as well.

At this point, I have a confession to make. I created the program on working together by taking my experiences and then finding theories that apply to them. Therefore the theories that I use are only to explain a phenomenon that is actually happening. I do not understand many of the situations I've been in nor am I sure that the theories that I use to explain them are applicable in all cases. All I say is that it has worked wonders for me and many others I know. Dear reader, you may find my explanations contradictory to your beliefs. At such times I would request you to hold your judgment and experiment to find out for yourself.

It's Life's experiences

Everything written here has occurred. Some of it has been recalled from many years ago and may not be exactly as it had happened. However I have attempted to capture the impact that the event had on me and shaped my life from there.

Written by a normal common man

I was born and brought up in Bombay (now called Mumbai) in a middle class family. Attended a convent school and was an average student. The only sport I played seriously was Judo and of course Cricket. I gained admission to a local college through the sports quota, which my friends envied. Accidentally took up a job which meant dealing with workmen. The company had a higher studies program and thus got sponsored to pursue my management program.

In a span of 12 years I worked for two leading companies, in the Industrial Relations and Human Resource functions. Then one morning I decided to call it quits and do something on my own.

The outdoors had always held a special attraction for me. Nature's beauty and mysterious ways fascinated me. Much of my thoughts have undergone a change from what I have seen in the world outside the human race.

I found it logical to combine my experience of working in the corporate world and my desire to be in the outdoors, to create an experience that would help people become achievers. It was something I wanted to do since 10 years. I had found my calling.

It has worked well for me, it has given me satisfaction that words cannot describe and more money than I had expected. Above all, "I am doing what I like....."

### Learning to fly

_This part of the book "Learning to fly" will help you to understand how I started being introspective and asking myself_ _the hard questions. All of us have successful aspects of our lives, a great deal can be learnt from these successes and applied to areas where we have been less successful. Like it is said: every journey, long or short, begins with the first step. Reading this book, I trust, will be_ _YOUR_ _first step._

Many years ago, I was attending a motivational workshop when the trainer mentioned that there were no 'real' limits. These limits are the ones we set for ourselves. To illustrate his point, he made a list of limits we thought were real. While most of the points were convincingly explained those like walking on water or flying like a bird left us thinking that some things are beyond human capability.

While for most, learning to fly is a metaphor for achieving great success, for me it was literally 'learning to fly.' As I began learning to fly, I began to realize why the metaphor may have come into existence. As I commenced my gliding lessons, I learnt how to deal with my most intrinsic fears, intrinsic beliefs about myself and how to open myself to new experiences. The more I confronted myself, understood myself and the nature of things, the higher I flew. While flying was improving every day, work was going down hill. I spent more time flying and thinking of flying, than work. I liked flying but I did not like my job. For long I did not face my fears at work, for long I did not confront myself. I justified it by repeating to myself the list of responsibilities I had - loans, kids and the usual list of things. I felt stuck in the job. I continued to live in this cage, hating the work I was doing, but making no attempt to break out of it.

I had dreamt of going to the great Himalayan Mountains with a glider on my back and flying like a free bird: with the wind in my face and the frost on my breath, entering clouds and feeling the mist in my bones. It was several years later that I flew like a bird, amongst the Great Himalayan Vultures. I had achieved what I had set for myself. I flew for fifteen days, tried everything that I could imagine, **cross country** (across several kilometers, without any particular destination, just where the wind takes you) across mountains 15,000 feet high, landing on river beds, hitch-hiking, spending nights where I landed and then flying back next morning. Once I even landed in a school yard at assembly time!

The flights were not just flights in the physical sense; they were, in a true sense, flights of the mind. In my mind, flying like a bird was beyond human capability. But that was shattered when I found myself circling the sky amongst the vultures! **I couldn't** **believe that there were no limits and for the first time, I had a doubt.**

My flying was a huge success by any measure, it was the most satisfying experience I've had outside my family.

This flying vacation had a routine: get up early, have breakfast and watch the sky. Get into a jeep that would transport me to a hill top and watch the sky. Have tea on the hill top, don flying gear, get ready for launch and watch the sky. Wait for the wind to correct itself for launch and again watch the sky. Watch birds take flight or observe another glider fly up or straight down to the landing field and watch the sky. Take off and apply all that I have learnt to gain height and watch the sky. Fly and explore for hours and then when the winds die out, land and watch the sky. In the evening, take a walk. Ponder on the flight, think about yourself and watch the sky. Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your head turned upwards, forever. Such was the obsession with observing what's happening in the sky and thinking about how I would deal with the situation if I was up there.

The evenings were a peaceful time to reflect and I wondered what went into making this dream a living reality. First came thoughts of the people who had, in many ways contributed to making it happen. Tora, my wife, for allowing me to spend several days on this crazy dream while she juggled her work and the kids, my parents, Sidney my instructor and my friends at the flying club without whose support, this would not have happened. I also wondered what I had done to make this happen. Can I take credit for making my dream come true? Can I do the same for other dreams that I have? Why is my work life such a bore when all the rest seems to be going great guns? Now that I have achieved this, is there anything that I can say I am not capable of achieving?

Have a doubt; never be too sure that something cannot be done.

A journey of self discovery begins with a doubt that perhaps it might be possible. It might be possible to be successful, own a bungalow or a farmhouse, have a big car or an aircraft, be in a beautiful relationship with a wonderful spouse a dream job, great kids, fame & fortune, anything materialistic or otherwise. It just might be possible to get what your heart desires.

Professionally, I knew my dream. I had written it down on a chit of paper many years ago. How that happened is interesting and you will know how one finds out what one is meant to do on this planet. One day after I landed close to my hotel (hut!), I went for a long walk. I started thinking about my life at work. I hated myself for letting the thought of work enter my mind at a time when I was enveloped in the grandeur of such majestic mountains. I tried hard to push it away these thoughts but I had no chance of winning this tug-of- war. Finally accepting defeat I let my mind fill with thoughts about work.

Most of them were about people and the things they made me do for a living. It always made me feel miserable about myself. More of such thoughts came gushing into my mind, felt like screaming and couldn't hold back. **I screamed**. When I looked up, I saw the mountains painted in the evening orange light which entered and filled me. The beauty around me immediately lifted me and I yearned to be working in such a beautiful. I could endure anything just by looking up at the mountains and the beauty around. As this thought traversed my mind, my dream of becoming an outdoor adult teacher too entered my mind. Coincidentally I saw two foxes run across a field. I slept that night knowing that when I awake life will never be the same.

I was called a dreamer, one who only dreamt but did nothing. Besides flying, I dreamt of doing some other things and I did them. I wanted to live and walk among tigers and wild animals, go skiing, bungee jumping, kayaking and white water rafting. I could do all these and again, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on how these things happened for me to see if there is a common method to make things happen.

It took me some years to understand what these experiences meant. What were the key learning points and how they can be applied to succeed in any chosen field? I am now convinced that there is indeed a formula for making things happen and I want more and more people to make things happen for them. It's not that I am a great guy who selflessly wants everyone to succeed; on the contrary I know that if people around me don't succeed, it makes my success more difficult.

### The chit of paper

I came across this in a book "if you write down your goals, you improve your chances of achieving them." I did not believe it, but then it said I will not loose anything by writing them except a few minutes. I had all things written down before I did them.

On a rainy day, I was at my desk with a cup of coffee, watching my colleagues coming in to work. First a group of workmen from the shop floor walked in, followed by the technical director, then the floor supervisor, managers, my boss. Within a few minutes the cling clang began and one after the other, the machines churned out refrigerators. I was part of the Human Resources Department and had nothing much to do, whilst all around me I saw every one busy doing something important. I had more than a few minutes on hand and rather than fiddling with my computer, I pulled out a page from my desk calendar and wrote, **Khushroo – Senior Officer, Human Resources, 1993**.

I had thought of writing down my professional goal. It took me just three seconds to write my first line, "who I am now". A fact that needs little imagination and then I had to write the second line. I must confess here that one reason for writing my goals was the hope that if this somehow gave me what I wanted, it would save me a lot of hard work ,which I knew it would take to get me there.

That day I plotted my career chart. I imagined a future that could exist for me. I saw myself working with the top teams of the top companies teaching them to work effectively together. I imagined myself coaching CEOs and functional heads in leading their teams. The vision that excited me the most was that people at the work place looked happier, they worked harder but their smile said that they enjoyed being part of this organization. I imagined working in places of utmost beauty: mountain tops, river beds, lakes, forests and sea shores. I wanted to be this Human Resource expert who could lead people to be as effective as they wanted to be and thus be happier with their lives.

It was a chart for the next 25 years. From officer to Vice-president and then finally living my dream in a niche carved for myself which would not be limited to one organization but across the corporate world.

Now when I think of the clarity I had at that time, I am amazed at myself. I am tempted to think that I was in complete control as I steered my life.

In my adolescent years, when we shy away from questions about the opposite sex, my friends linked me to a girl and I thought this is the worst thing that can happen. One day a friend asked me who I liked. It was more to tease and embarrass me but to his surprise and mine too, I said "I liked Tora."

Tora was about eleven. We were friends then and more importantly kids. I don't have a chit of paper saying that I will marry her on such and such date, like I have for my professional life but I recall there was the same clarity of thought.

And again I am tempted to think that I have complete control as I married Tora, ten years later.

By writing down my professional goals evolved the clarity of thought. Until then my thoughts were fuzzy and I was getting frustrated. Writing brings in a picture almost like a map and we begin to see clearly. Therefore, if you are not sure what you are meant to do on this planet, start by writing down your goals.

My love for nature has taken me to many places of breathtaking beauty. Once I sat on a river bank gazing at the river flow. Suddenly a scary thought came to my mind, which changed the way I looked at things. The river rages and crosses all the obstacles in its path, while the mountain looks on. I wondered: Is the river with all its raging and roaring making a way for itself through these enormous mountains or is the mountain, making the river do it.

Have I been in complete control of my life or has that chit of paper controlled me.

As I grow older I get convinced that the latter is more likely. The implications of this realization are immense.

### Vision and mission statements

A lot has been written on visions and missions, most of it has mystified the process rather than simplifying it. The chit of paper along with this part on vision and mission statements is an attempt to cut through the paraphernalia and get to the core of the process which is extremely simple. It will make, goal setting simple and effective.

It is said that if you really want something, the universe works towards giving it to you. I had a chit of paper on which I had written a step by step progression leading to where I would like to see myself. It was simple. I wanted very much for it to happen. I also loved Tora and I wanted to marry her. And I wanted that too, very much to happen.

Goal setting as an exercise has captured the imagination of many companies and educators. Visioning workshops have been conducted by leaders who are convinced of its power who have had first hand experience just like I had. And yet few manage to harness even a fraction of the power it possesses.

At this point let us attempt to understand why only some people achieve success.

We need to first understand why did I not write: I want to be the President of America by 2010 or I want to have a 5000 million dollar company by 2009?

I didn't, simply because I did not believe it. I believed that if I stretch myself and maintain focus, I would one day be a corporate trainer.

We look at ourselves and then we compare ourselves with those around us. We want to be better than others. We have references like better than average, lower than average, in the top 10% and so on. In this situation, what can anyone dream of? What can anyone believe he can achieve?

A person living in a poor area can barely meet his basic needs. What does he dream of? He dreams of having a stable job so that he can feed his family. Change the situation and take a person living in a city like Mumbai where many own large cars. What could he dream of, a Mercedes-Benz? Our surroundings and people around us influence the way we think. It also forms and firms our beliefs about the things we can do and the things we cannot do. It was this belief that prompted me to write that I want to be a corporate trainer, more than anything else.

Whether we like it or not, beliefs are formed by what we see around us. It starts at an age when we are too small to do anything about it. So we will always have beliefs and images about what we can be, our higher self or our potential at all times in our life. As we go through life these usually change and so does the image of ourselves.

What really happens in a goal setting exercise?

A goal setting exercise makes an individual introspect. He is left with his beliefs about what his highest self could be. At that point of life, whatever are his beliefs, he writes them down in a statement which is fine tuned using some scientific techniques to make it easier to measure and achieve. It should not be forced on the individual, like the parents wanting their ward to be a doctor or a lawyer.

**Therefore, it is nothing but a belief about himself he thinks is self actualizing and therefore motivating**.

Let us do a little exercise. Close your eyes and picture yourself five years from now. You will see many images, some you like, some that you dislike. Choose the best one and hold it in your mind, long enough to write it down in the most explicit way possible. Write it and forget about it. To my mind there is no doubt that beliefs precede reality. Belief is in fact what creates it. Thus what we have written as an output of such an exercise is bound to come true.

It appears that we have little control or power over how our beliefs are formed and therefore how our reality will turn out to be. This explains why I could not write that I want a 5000 million dollar company by 2009. It was just not among the many pictures I could see at that time.

If it's not in your mind, then it's not possible

Creation of a thought

Have you ever wondered from where all these thoughts come? We are gifted with what we call our sense organs. These help us see, hear and take in what is happening around us. We react to what we sense. As we put on years and kilos, we start having pictures of how things are, how they work, what could happen and so on. Every thing gets stored in some corner of our mind. Some can be recalled quickly while some cannot be recalled at all. A thought is created by the interaction of all that you know, consciously and unconsciously.

Every thought that comes to your mind comes with a possibility of manifestation. It comes through a knowledge that you have, sometimes at a sub conscious level.

The circle of thought

All of us have a circle of thought just like we have a circle of friends. A lot of psychometric testing probes into the circle of thought to make assessments of personality, job fits, etc. Typically they would ask you a question like, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word "tiger" or "Sea" or what is your favourite colour or animal. Some show an abstract picture and ask you to write a story. All these are probes and if answered honestly reveal your circle of thought.

Imagine a news basket of a daily news paper that is filled with news from reporters, news agencies from around the world, the worldwide web and the general public. All the news that can happen is in the basket. Like the basket, all the thoughts that came to your mind form your circle of thought.

The editor of the news paper will then choose what news items will get into the newspaper. Once he decides that some news item is not relevant, despite it being news in every sense, it ceases to be news. The editor for your circle of thought is your mind and like the newspaper editor makes the separation and calls it rational thoughts. Once your mind decides that a thought is irrational, it ceases to be a thought although it is a thought in every sense.

What the editor chooses makes the newspaper and what your mind chooses makes your circle of thought. Your reality can only be one of these thoughts that are in your circle. The ones you termed as irrational are not possible although they were as likely to happen if they would have stayed on in your circle of thought.

### Only irrational thoughts have the power to change your reality

With this understanding, when a thought crosses my mind, I now ask myself why not find ways in which I can include it in my circle of thought. Thus influence the way my beliefs are formed and hence create a reality that I want.

If you ask children what they would be when they grow up, you would receive a range of answers from bus conductor to pilot, nurse to surgeon, cricketer to swimmer and some would even say angels and fairies. Anything seems to be possible to a child.

As we grow older, we look at the so called practicality of the options and limit ourselves to one particular choice. Choices still exist but we limit ourselves to one or two. As we move further on, we specialize through education and have just one path ahead of us e.g. Post graduate in finance and build a career in finance. Choices still exists but we limit ourselves to just one. From a range of choices we narrow down to just one or two, we create an inverted cone for ourselves. Through a goal setting exercise, we look at our higher selves from the highly limited view we have of ourselves, even the largest stretch of imagination cannot take us beyond the choices that exist. While we have started to reverse the cone, we are not even close to the vast expanse of opportunities that exist.

The reversal of the cone also means creating new beliefs. Since the stretch we make is only a micro step, with a little effort it will become a reality. The cone is broadened a little. From this view point, your beliefs about your possibilities will increase and thus you will be able to further reverse the cone. You will find that your beliefs about what you can do increase greatly and you will be able to do what you like.

This is a simple process that can help you create your reality.

If you apply this process well, a greater truth will be revealed. You will see that there is no connection between the current situation and what you believe you can do. Beliefs have nothing to do with reality except the fact that they create it. It works just the same as long as you believe you can do it. This is the time when you can really break free. You will be able to do anything that you decide to do. Your beliefs will no longer be formed without your consent.

To believe that you cannot do something is an insult to your creator. Be extremely choosy in deciding what you cannot do.

### Fear

This part is meant to help the reader understand the subtle workings of fear and connect to his own experiences. A large part of why I am able to do what I like is by confronting my fears. It was also the reason why I could not do what I liked to do for so many years. I hope by reading this part, you are able to save all those years that I wasted and start doing what you love to do. Be a leader and separate yourself from the herd.

Every one feels fear. Listen to it as your friend. Learn to control it and it will serve you well in your hour of need. If you ignore it or treat it badly, it will control you. You will become a worthless puppet in its hands.

During one of our programs, we were on a jungle walk when we came across a Russell's viper, a very poisonous snake. The lead group of four people spotted it. One of them just fled in the opposite direction and would not stop. I was trailing the group and I had to run behind to stop her. She was trembling and all she could say was 'snake.' It took me some time to pacify and get her to walk again. This is a typical response of a person being controlled by fear. The need to get away from the situation is so high that nothing else is given the slightest of thought.

Whilst I was attending to her, I had another situation developing. A group of participants were getting very close to the viper. They were poking the viper with sticks and laughing away at the plight of the creature. They were told sternly to leave the creature alone. This is a response of people who treat fear badly or ignore it - they put themselves in grave danger without knowing or having any need to do so.

A third set of people watched from a safe distance. Gradually they came closer to have a look and having quenched their curiosity, retreated. It is this set of people who have shown respect for their fear and the ability to control it. On our return, I had all of them write as much as they remembered about the incident as a story. The stories of the third set were most absorbing and informative.

I also tracked the progress this third set made in their professional life. It did not surprise me that most of them had changed one job in three years and were doing very well. This ability to deal with fear is crucial to success. Some seem to have it naturally while others, like me, have had to work at it.

So what is the optimal fear that a person should experience to bring out the best. We shall come to an understanding by excluding all the dysfunctional fears. If fear causes a flight response, it's dysfunctional. It makes you avoid doing things. When your fear is above your threshold, it controls you. This fear manifests in responses like "I don't want to do it" or as "why should I do it" or "what is the benefit of doing it". A perfectly rational explanation is possible to avoid any fear. It provides such a brilliant shield that no one in this world can penetrate it. Here I would like to share how I used this shield.

I was at the bottom of the corporate ladder in a clerical job for a long time. I saw others go past me and I knew it took courage to speak up, it took perseverance to execute tasks, to collaborate with others. I feared I was not good enough to be at a higher rung on the ladder. I feared that if I tried or admitted that I wanted to climb the ladder, others would find out that I was not good enough. My rationalization was that I did not want to work late hours as I had a life outside and would not compromise on that. I went to an extent to make it look like a virtue, unfortunately I started believing it myself and the shield was unbreakable. I would stay where I am, for the shield that protects also preserves.

It's the law of inertia. If you leave things the way they are, they will continue to be the way they are. Everything from your own self to the people around you, seem to be working to keep it that way. Your own fear makes you maintain what you have, managers feed that fear by constantly reminding you what you would loose if you don't maintain what you are doing. Relatives, parents and friends also seem to be in favour of preserving the existing. The cyclic nature of inertia is something like this. I really want to get promotions but I don't, I don't because I am not doing what it takes to get a promotion but I think, I am not good and scared others will find out, once others find out I will not get promoted, thus I shield myself by projecting that I don't want a promotion or want to work long hours. The fear which is creating the shield to protect me also stands between me and what I want. The image that I am good enough and can get a promotion, if and when I decide to go for it, is maintained.

The first step to change your reality is to break your shield, confess to yourself the truth.

Breaking your shield is a sensitive process. It is a process where you introspect and accept your reality. You honestly answer the question "am I happy with my life?" what would I rather do to make it happen. Why haven't I done it so far? What do I fear? These questions will lead you to your shield and when you accept your fear, the first cracks appear in the shield. Without genuine introspection, the process of development will never start.

When you accept your fears you become vulnerable, you know that you are scared of these things and you will suffer if they happen to you. Therefore you must introspect alone or with a trusted professional who can help you through it. No one else needs to know about your fears.

When you have accepted your fears, also accept that these are beyond your threshold levels and you have dealt with them through avoidance, the response to these fears so far has been flight. Remember the lady who ran away when she saw the viper. Make it a metaphor and use it when your response to fear is flight.

The other response to fear beyond threshold is a shield in itself. It's the fight response. This was displayed by the group who were too close to the viper and poking it with sticks. The response is intended to portray an image that the person is not scared at all. At work you find some people who claim to say what they feel, to be frank and say that they don't get promotions because they are like that.

Both these are responses to fears beyond the threshold and of people who are being controlled by fear. One avoids while the other fights the wrong battles.

All these are areas for self development. All your flight and fight responses provide opportunities for growth. Once I accept that I have a fear of people thinking that I am not good enough, and this fear is beyond my threshold, then my reaction to it is flight. I have a chance to fight the real battle. As you read on you will find the weapons to fight your battles and win, the best part is that there are no losers in this war.

In the midst of our conversation with the head of India's largest media conglomerate, the marketing head admitted that it is his fear of losing his job that pushes him to perform. A highly successful man admitting his fear in front of his boss shows how well he has accepted his fear, there is no trace of a flight or fight response. Although he speaks about his fear, his fear is below his threshold. It is helping him to perform better.

While the first step to growing is to accept our fear and break the shield, it is no good if we don't raise our threshold level and bring the fear under it. Self-development has many definitions. We can tick on the list below to confirm if a person has grown.

Have you answered the question, what would I have preferred right now?

I make ten thousand, I would have preferred to make twenty.

I am a manager, I would have preferred to be vice president.

I am not married, I would have preferred to be married.

Have you introspected and identified the fear that has stopped you from your preferred state?

I am scared to try and fail

I am scared of taking on additional responsibilities

I am scared of things not working out and then ending in heart break.

Have you identified your shield, the perfectly rational excuse.

It's good to lead a peaceful life with less money than be worried all the time.

It's not my job, why should I do it.

It's a great life, why change it by getting married.

Are you sure that there is no flight or fight response to this fear.

Listen to your feelings and you would know

If all answers are positive, you have grown. Self development has taken place and soon you will reach your preferred state and go beyond.

A lot of people, who get seriously committed to improving themselves, fumble on the final question. Since this is the most common concern, I will handle the last question first. If you can mention your preferred state, you can identify the fear, you can also figure out your shields but your response to that fear continues to be flight of fight. The first three steps usually increase a person's threshold and bring the fear within it to make the person operate on a high level to overcome it, however if it fails to do so, we will give you your next weapon to increase your threshold. Remember, everything is a waste if you do not increase you threshold levels to bring the fear under it.

Increasing the threshold of fear:

As you can see, unless answer to question 4 is yes, you know that you have not grown. It is the litmus test to confirm that you have grown and self development has indeed taken place. Fortunately, no one needs to tell you if you have grown or not, you will know it by your internal response to that fear.

Let me illustrate this with my own experience of public speaking. During my school days, I was diagnosed with stage fright. If I was put in front of a crowd, I would start sweating, could not speak or speak something that would cause great embarrassment. Obviously the fear of speaking in front of a crowd was way beyond my threshold. In my profession, I now speak to groups as large as 100 people and they comprise all levels, from workers to owners. Before speaking to them, I prepare my self. I can easily convey what I intend to communicate and even make critical corrections on the spot to accommodate a developing situation. I experience fear before every program however the reaction is not flight or fight, it's a clear indication of a raised threshold. Have I grown in this area? Clearly the answer is a yes. This is growth, self development as I define it.

Whether your threshold has increased or not is never in any doubt, you will know for sure. You will also know of small increases in the threshold as the intensity of flight or fight is lessened or delayed. It may happen that your threshold increases but still the fear is greater than your threshold. In the experience I just shared with you, I could utter just one sentence before my flight response kicked in, after that I would just want to run away. In this case the threshold has increased but no self development has happened. Only if the flight or fight response never came up, you have overcome your fear and development has taken place. Till then you are a novice.

I have described what increasing the threshold is and increasing it to an extent such that the fear is below it. As you read on, you will find out how you can go about increasing your threshold levels. This is one more weapon for you to master.

Here, unfortunately you cannot do it on your own. You need external help. The good news is that there is plenty of help available if you look for it. Since the fear you are trying to deal with is creating a flight or fight response, you are essentially under its control. It will take a Herculean effort to do it yourself while it will take a fraction of the effort with the help of the right person. It is important to find the right person or thing to help you. Here are some guidelines to help you pick your help.

1. The person should not have the slightest of flight or fight response towards the fear you are dealing with. Since this is about judging someone else, you will not know what that person's response actually is. He may even fake a response if it is in his interest. The best way to judge therefore becomes his results. The results follow after a time lag. Since most of us would like to have a good income, houses and cars, we can assume that people who have these have worked on themselves and grown. Its fine to judge people by the money they make, by the cars they drive and the houses they live in. Let us assume you have a fear of quitting your job to start your own business and you want someone to help you with it. Choose someone who has left his job or has left many jobs and is now highly successful in his business.

2. He should have an understanding of mentoring. Great mentors willingly form a barrier between the pupil and the fear and they gently and slowly expose their pupils to the fear and help the pupil take one step at a time. It is these two aspects that make a mentor. To illustrate this point, remember the days you learnt how to swim or cycle. I was scared to enter the water but would gladly do so when my dad was around. Clearly his presence increased my threshold of fear towards water. I have found many people whose mere presence makes you fearless. At work, a presence of a certain person makes us feel that we will achieve our goals, at play the presence of a person makes us confident of winning. You will have to identify your mentor by experiencing this fact. People are known for this ability and are easy to find. This is one part of a fine mentor. Many people instill this confidence in others by their mere presence, however only a few have the ability to help people develop their own selves in such a way that they can do the same things, as well as or even better after they have left the scene. It is like the mother slowly withdrawing from her child to make it independent, the love is always there and the child knows it can run back to its mother whenever it wants, but eventually it becomes independent with no need to go back to its mother. It then grows to be able to help its own mother. This is the second part of a fine mentor. With effort you will be able to find a fine mentor. In case you don't professional help is available but expensive. I suggest you give it your best shot to find a good mentor and only if you are unsuccessful, choose from the professionals. However, you must find a mentor soon.

You are now ready to increase your threshold, in other words you are ready for growth, for self development. As mentioned earlier, even if you don't have a mentor, it is possible to grow with a lot of effort. With or without a mentor, what you are about to read is the process you will undergo to increase your threshold.

### Fear – My experiences

_To be able to live the "Do what you like......" life, we must understand the dynamics of fear. For this reason I have shared my experiences. You too would have had_ _similar experiences in these or other areas and by following these steps you will be able to use this fear as an enabler._

If you ask any pilot, he will tell you that even after hundreds of flights, he still gets scared whilst landing. The difference between his hundredth flight and his first few is that he has learnt to operate in the presence of fear. His hands no longer shiver nor does his face cringe, the only way to find out is to check **the heart rate or his pulse** (There is a study on a pilot's heart rate while landing which indicates fear/stress even after hundreds of flights. It concludes that fear is still there but the threshold has increased)

I have flown some aircrafts but most of my flying has been on paragliders. In a paraglider, the scary part is the take off. I remember some of my first take offs, the level of fear is so high that I just wanted it to be over and done with. I would inflate my wing and run like mad without even ensuring if it is balanced and going in the right direction. It is not that I did not want to make the necessary checks. It is just that my arms and legs would not register what was going on. Invariably I would make the wrong adjustment and this would make matters worse.

I have been scared of people in authority. It has been difficult for me to talk to certain aggressive bosses. I react in exactly the same way. When I am in such a situation, my thinking is affected and my body just can't relax. I invariably say something that makes matters worse.

These days, when I take off, I'm still scared. My heart is racing but I make the right moves: not only do I ensure that the sail is in the right condition for take off but I can also wait in that situation for as long as it takes for me to make the necessary corrections. I am in no hurry to get out of it. I am calm, composed enough to be able to make the right adjustments.

Today, when I see an aggressive boss, my heart still races, but I have learnt how to deal with it. My body relaxes and I know exactly what is to be said. I am no longer dumbstruck whilst making a presentation to the top management of a company.

I worked for about three years under an aggressive boss. I was scared to death. Reflecting on this, I feel this was the time I grew the most. The great fear of him pushed me do all the other smaller scary things. I would never have gone and interacted with the senior directors of the company. I would never have been able to do the tasks that I feel proud of I could establish myself as a professional only because the fear made me do my job thoroughly. It got me out of my comfort zone.

This is a great insight. If you have one big fear, it can make you face your other smaller fears. While that big fear exists, it is a good idea to deal with all the other smaller ones and get over them. As an example, while the fear of loosing your job exists, you may want to deal with the fear of trying new ways of doing things. In this way, whilst the fear of losing your job exists, you will have at least tried out an unknown thing.

When we are forced to choose between the devil and the deep sea, we choose the deep sea only to realize that it was manageable. A big fear is your greatest ally in the absence of a mentor. It will force you to choose between itself and many smaller cousins. Most of them are such that once tried, the threshold is raised enough to bring the fear under it and growth begins.

Just like when climbing Mt. Everest or any other 8000 meter peak needs special attention, dealing with your greatest fears also needs special attention. Growth is directly proportional to the size of the fear, smaller fears need small increases in the threshold levels and thus growth is to that extent only. Greater fears will need a larger increase in the threshold levels and thus growth is greater. To break free and be able to do what you would prefer to be doing, you must eventually deal with your greatest fears.

### Worst case Scenarios

_When management gurus suggested creating worst case scenarios, they were intended to provide confidence to proceed and to prepare for the_ _worst._ _Unfortunately, they have also managed to_ _scare people into inaction. People paint such horrible worst case scenarios that they are too scared to move. This part helps the reader to understand worst case scenarios in a way that enables and empowers him /her_ _to act. And yes, it also prepares him/her for any eventuality._

Fear and Danger

So far we have been talking about little fears. We will now move on to the big ones like death, poverty and all their friends. Injury, physical hurt and loss of a job or money are derivatives of death and poverty in varying degrees. How can we increase our threshold to these fears and make them enablers for us?

Sometimes we take fear and danger to mean the same. They are two separate things. Understanding the difference greatly enhances our risk taking ability and analysis of situations. Risk taking is not about fearlessly taking more risks, it's about understanding the dangers involved. This part is crucial as it is foolhardy to think that if we can act when we are scared, we will achieve what we want. It's foolish to jump off a cliff, saying that I acted even though I was scared. This is fear ignored or badly handled. Risk takers are aware of the dangers involved and can respond appropriately, making them better equipped to handle the danger present.

### Dangers

Swimming in the waters at the beach has claimed several lives. This fact has scared many from entering the sea. We also have many others who believe that it can never happen to them and continue to enjoy the sea. As in the snake incident mentioned earlier, you can again see the same pattern, fear working as a disabler or fear being ignored or not respected.

Both these types are at risk. It's a fact that no matter how good a swimmer you are, the sea is capable of claiming you and hence people who fearlessly enter the sea are putting themselves in danger.

This is why we need to separate fear from danger. The first and most important difference is that fears are imaginary and dangers are real. Having said that, fear is a bodily response to potential danger and is a survival mechanism provided to us. It is not wise to ignore our fears. It is also not wise to do something that we are scared of, just to overcome the fear without understanding the nature of the danger it poses. We need to investigate and find out about all the dangers we are putting ourselves into and know exactly what is to be done if the need arises. Then we should be able to operate under fear to do exactly what we know we should be doing when the situation arises.

Most airline crashes can be linked to the pilot not knowing about the danger or unable to think due to fear. This can be applied to our lives as well. Before we start doing something, if we have not understood the danger we are exposed to or if we are unable to operate when the situation arises then we are sitting on a time bomb about to explode.

Let's say we decide to pursue our hobby as a profession. Do we know all the dangers? Have we thought of all the possible ifs? Have we thought of how we will react if a certain 'if' happens?

Swimming at the beach is a joyful and enjoyable experience. The vastness of the sea can be felt only when you are a few hundred meters into the water. The peace and the connection you feel with everything around you is what the spiritual leaders about. It is a shame that people do not experience it as their fear of dying holds them back.

In my programs I have helped hundreds of people overcome their fears and enter the water. They have defined that moment as the most powerful moment of their life, they have changed the way they see life after experiencing the connection with nature. The oneness with nature is often felt at places of abundance and abundant beauty. To be able to enjoy the sea at low risk, I need to investigate all the dangers involved. By finding this out I reduce my risk. I know that the biggest killer is the current in the sea – Rip. The down current in combination with the Rip is a lethal combination. At the same time I know that if it hits me, I should not fight it, swim parallel to the shore instead of towards it and wait till the pull subsides. I also know that the box jelly fish is deadly and the good old vinegar from the kitchen will be helpful. I also know about sea life which can harm us and their corrective actions. I also know that staying within 100 feet of a structure in the sea can pose problems. This knowledge reduces my risks and puts me at low risk. Since in this case my fear is below my threshold, I will be able to operate when the situation arises. It's the same Rip current that I now use when I want to go deep into the sea with little effort.

This shows that taking the proper precaution and with the right knowledge, you can easily manage potentially dangerous situations and even exploit them.

The great outdoors has provided me with this insight and like most of the others is applicable to anything we do in life.

When I was deciding between taking up a lucrative job offer and following my passion of becoming an adult teacher (commonly called as trainer) I was scared of following my passion. I could clearly see that my fear of not having a job, which would provide a steady income, was stopping me from "doing what I liked..."

By now I had faced many dangers to my life, having been exposed to the elements of nature, be it swimming in the sea or taking off from the Himalayan peaks. Each of these was carefully processed, each danger fully understood to the extent possible, each danger had an action plan, combinations of dangers with combination of action plans were chalked out and discussed with professionals before taking the plunge.

So before deciding to become an outbound trainer for corporate employees, I did the same: analyzed the potential dangers of the decision. What if I did not get any assignments, what if I cannot make any real difference in people's life and the demand for my work fades out. What if in a particular month I get no income, how will I pay my bills? If I fail, what can I fall back on? What could come in the way of success? These and many more were carefully processed. I reduced my risk quotient, had a plan for any eventuality before I took the plunge. When people see that I have given up a job and other job offers to follow something that I liked to do, they say that I was brave. "You've got guts man!!! I can't dream of doing what you did" are common statements made by them. I think they missed the mark completely. I am far from the brave hearts of Hollywood. I am not the hero who will brandish his sword and fight an army. I am no hero and what I have done can easily do done by anyone.

"Do what you like...." is not about things done by a great hero, it about people like you and me following their heart. Maybe the great heroes are blessed and they can do without having to think about the dangers. "Do what you like...." is about recognizing your fear, acknowledging the dangers, preparing for them and then taking the plunge.

Do not let a fear hold you from doing what you like, think through the dangers and Just Do It. Thank you Nike for this wonderful tag line.

I have been able to tick off most of the items from my list of "things to do before I die" by simply doing the above. being an adult teacher and get paid for it, to paraglide from a height of 4000 ft to as high as 11,000 feet, flap my wings with the great Himalayan vultures, enter clouds, cover large distances, climb high mountains, be among tigers and other wild life and the list goes on. This makes my life worth living, what about you?

These are my passions and might be of no interest to you. You might want to make an "I would like to....... before I die" list. I promise you, it will all come true. Just do it!!!

Empowering yourself with worst case scenarios.

What you are about to read is absolute foolishness if practiced without having understood the real dangers. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen again and again? As an illustration, let's take a frustrated employee who has a nerd as a boss.

In my first job, I had a colleague who was of the MBA Engineer pedigree, passed out from IIT and IIM, the best institutes. His boss, a 45 year old traditional but successful manager hired him with a promise of a career. Six months on the job and he could not even get a decent hearing on any of his ideas. All he got to hear was that they are too bookish and will not work here. One day, I remember, he walked into the HR department and my boss spoke to him. What he advised him was a worst case scenario. He told him to go ahead, implement some of his ideas without a formal approval and keep his boss informed by e-mail, which he knew his boss hardly read. He then told him that the worst thing that could happen is that he will sack you. Even in that case you are better off as any other boss you find will be an improvement.

This somehow released him and he became a high contributor to the organization. His boss rewarded him with a promotion ahead of all those who never had the guts to try out something new till they had his approval.

If you keep digging into worst case scenarios, we reach a disabling fear of death or poverty or one of their friends, a worst case scenario presents an action plan to handle that fearful situation. This process increases our threshold level further. This is another weapon you can deploy. If the fear has still beaten you, don't worry, just read on and you will find plenty of weapons with which to overcome it.

In my case, the thoughts that crossed my mind were, if I follow my heart and do something different, I might not be financially independent, I might also end up without a job, if this happens, I will have a miserable life and die on the streets. It's terribly disabling, it will stop most of us and this is when a mentor becomes important. Fortunately I was asked the following questions which raised my threshold over my fear and I could start thinking clearly.

1. If I don't follow my heart, can I guarantee myself that this will not happen to me?

2. Can I even predict when I will die?

3. Can I even predict that I will continue to have my current job?

4. Can the worst case happen even if I don't follow my heart?

The answers are

No.

No.

No.

Yes.

With the kind of knowledge we possess at this point of time, there can be no other answers.

In that case it makes very good sense to follow your heart and live life the way you want to. Anyway you will die as destined. Bottom line, what happens in the future cannot be controlled by us. It is controlled by something far beyond our understanding. Don't let the fear of an imagined future destroy your present. This is death beyond dying.

No matter what, you will die one day.

The statement while very empowering to some is very discouraging to others. Some say that if all is decided and destiny governs our lives, why bother doing any thing? Let life go on and destiny rule. The magic of creation is that you can control the present, act in the present with all your might, do everything in the present. In reality there is no future, every moment of your life that you have lived or will live, have all been in that moment itself, in the present.

I see death very positively, if I die tomorrow, have I lived well till now? Have I done all the things that I wanted to do? It also gives me permission to try out all that my heart desires as even if it is not the best of decisions in the long run, I can still do it as life might end tomorrow. Who cares about 20 years later!!!

Since I know I can die tomorrow, I can do what I like TODAY. Empowering??? Very much! Death & poverty are two things that scare most human beings. When I say death, it can also mean fear of injury. Similarly poverty also means that anything that reduces the level of current income.

For the sake of illustration, let's use a slightly scary example of base jumping. Base jumping is when you run off a cliff and after a free fall you open your parachute. When the fear is death, the worst case is that you will die doing it. I see death as something that has been pre-decided. I will die when my time comes. It is not in my control. It does not depend on what I do or not do. Therefore if I am meant to die, I will, no matter what. I will therefore base jump, taking all the necessary precautions, it is extremely thrilling. Possibly making you feel most alive than all your life put together.

If there were things you do, increase the chances of death, I should have been dead long ago. If you think that you can avoid doing some things to decrease the chances of death, you are challenging my belief that human beings cannot control death.

I have done some amazing things, seen the most breathtaking sights simply due to the empowerment this belief provides. I don't care if my beliefs are true, as long as they empower me, I like them. Are yours empowering or are they holding you back from living the "do what you like...." life.

Till the time you don't complete what you are here for, you cannot die

### Poverty is the other big one.

The big question here is how much money is enough for me?

Professionally before deciding on the options, we often wonder if it will affect our current level of earnings. Are the risks greater if the pay is higher? If I decide to change my career to a more satisfying one, will it satisfy me monetarily?

The question of how much is enough for me, is as spiritual a question as it is practical, it is one which both the saint and the sinner struggle with, it is also a perennial question for the common man who is doing a job and trying to make a living. When I decided to change tracks and take up a career which seemed more fulfilling, I had to answer that question. After much thought, I realized that my needs are few and I can do away with most of the things that I spent on. I can do without a car, eating at expensive restaurants or shopping at malls for expensive brands. I figured out that I needed only fifteen thousand rupees a month. Even now, after four years I still don't need more than that. How difficult is it to earn that much?

I spoke to two street vendors -a Bhel (a mixture of puffed rice, onion, tomato and sauces) vendor and a sandwich vendor, I found that they were making about ten thousand a month working only in the evenings. I soon decided to "do what I liked...."

This is another insight. If you recognize that your needs are few, it allows you to pursue what you really want to do. It helps you deal with the fear of poverty.

A hobby or passion can be turned into a profession and will meet your needs.

As the great Mahatma Gandhi discovered in his experiments with truth, there is always enough for your needs and never enough for your greed.

Answering the question, how much is enough for me. The first thing that comes to a persons mind is, how much are his monthly bills? House loan or rent, vehicle loan, dependents expenses, Schools and education expenses, mobile bills, etc. the list is endless. I have found a way to separate these into two categories, essential and good to have. It is simple, just make a list of all your expenses, then grade them from the most essential to the least essential, reduce the top half by 30% and the bottom half by 80%. You don't have to actually reduce the expenses, you do this exercise only to answer the question of how much money do you need. If you are buying from expensive malls, you can buy from factory outlets, if you stay in the city, you can shift to the suburbs, if you eat out twice a month, you can eat out twice in four months, if your mobile bill is 5,000/-, you can move to a prepaid of 2,500/-. This will give you an estimate of how much money you think you need. Keep pushing yourself by asking do I really think I cannot reduce this expense, is it really essential or just good to have. If you do this exercise sincerely you will find only 40 to 50 % of your expenses are essential, could be even lesser, as it was in my case. Once you have this figure, it increases your threshold and empowers you to overcome this crippling fear of poverty.

If you are still crippled, make a list of things that you could do to earn the deficit e.g. giving tuitions, running day care for pets, selling insurance, baking cakes, teaching football, or anything that comes to your mind. This increases the threshold and converts this disabler into an enabler. If you make some trips into rural areas, you will realize that people survive happily at a fraction of what we think is our essential expense.

I discovered the beauty of converting this fear into an enabler a little later. I discovered that if you are doing what you like, it's natural to excel in your field and make more money than you ever thought possible. This is a condition that occurs only after you take the plunge and struggle for a few years and is difficult to believe when you start. I went through these struggles and I could not see myself make the kind of money I made. You may not have to reduce your spending to the levels that you thought you would have to or you might have to reduce to those levels for a few years till you fine tune and make your business model robust. Unfortunately I have found no other way to test this other than taking the plunge. Sometimes people find immediate success, sometimes after repeated attempts and sometimes they die before they find success. However, they all have exciting journeys and interesting stories to tell. They don't live a boring life.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

While I have experienced complete fearlessness on numerous occasions, I will share my river rafting experience. River rafting involves taking a raft filled with air through turbulent river water. Just before I enter the patch of extremely turbulent water, my heart beat speeds up indicating the presence of fear. I check my helmet, life jacket, foot grips and get ready for the rapid. After I enter the rapid, I have to control and guide the raft precisely to avoid a flip, it requires my complete attention. At this time, when I am into the rapid and completely involved, like my life depends on it. (It does to some extent) I do not experience fear. It's like I have no time to be scared.

On each occasion when I have achieved a very high level of involvement, it brings me in the moment and there is no fear in the moment.

The best way to handle your fear is perhaps to increase your involvement to such an extent that it brings you completely in the moment. You will not experience fear as fear cannot exist in the moment.

To conclude this part, fear is an essential component for growth. It is a great enabler and can make you perform at your peak if it is kept just below the threshold level. Beyond it fear is a disabler and actually creates the exact situation that you would want to avoid.

### What do I want to do?

As a process to live the life of our dreams, we had asked ourselves a few questions in the beginning. We jumped the line and dealt with the last question as I have seen most people struggle at that. Another reason to have dealt with fear upfront is also to use it to answer other questions. Are you scared to set outrageous goals for yourself?

So what do you want to be right now?

I don't know, is the most common answer. One of the very honest doubts expressed is, how would I know what my calling is?

We shall start the journey of discovery by rejecting what it is not. Like a scientist who makes his hypothesis and then does his best to prove it wrong. As we begin this process, please don't worry about what you will finally land up with, don't hold yourself back as you don't want to be ridiculed for what gives you bliss. It does not have to appeal to others and most likely it will not. Have faith and know that eventually the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle will fit to reveal a beautiful picture.

The first question you ask yourself is, am I extremely happy, blissful when I am doing it. Ask this question for each and every thing that you are doing. Break up every activity that you do, break up your job into hundreds of smaller jobs. Pay attention to all the things you do besides work. Listen to music, dance, swim, trek, play the guitar, drums, football, cooking, reading, watching movies, scuba diving, gliding, flying kites, bird watching, playing with kids, etc. For every thing you do, ask yourself, do I experience bliss when I am doing this activity?

A key indicator of knowing if what you are doing is really your calling is that it makes you happy, creates happiness for others around you. If it does not make you happy, then whatever you are doing is not your calling. Now you know for sure, what is not for you! You have not been born to do these things.

After the first elimination round, we move into the second eliminator. Ask yourself, by doing a certain activity, is the world benefiting from it? Be truthful and answer yes if you can think of ways in which your activity benefits a few individuals. If the answer is no, then let the axe fall.

The beauty of doing what your true calling is that it has a meaning which lifts the whole of mankind. In direct or indirect ways, it touches a whole lot of people. Imagine a ripple effect of a stone thrown in still water, its effects are far reaching and affects the whole water body. The impact made by the pebble is just at the place of contact. The waves then create other waves and affect the entire body. So if you have made an impact on at least one individual, then that activity does have a possibility to be your calling and have a widespread impact.

We now move on to the third round of elimination. Hopefully you are still left with things that you do and can apply the next test too. Are you sure that there is at least one person who experiences bliss when you do this activity. Strictly, answer yes only if you are sure that the activity makes someone else very happy.

When you are following your calling, it brings a smile on someone's face.

Finally, we come to the final knock-out round. Ask yourself, is this activity of mine harming even a single individual, the environment or anything at all? Allow yourself a certain amount of generosity and answer yes if you think the harm is not great and will be okay in the long run.

Your calling is never at someone's cost.

And there you have it, your calling, what you were meant to be doing is right in front of you. If you have too many, apply the four steps again, this time be a little more stringent. If you have none left, start again and this time, a little more lenient. Leave yourself with one or a few things that you would give passing marks. Use grace marks if required or be a very strict examiner, which ever way you have to be. You must find the one or two things that make you the happiest and survive the axe.

What you have just identified could be the core of what you should be doing or it could be allied to it. Let's say you find out that swimming makes you the happiest. While swimming could be the central activity for your life, it is also possible that you have as yet not discovered what your real pursuit is, as you have not yet done it in your life. Make swimming your central activity and you will inadvertently do many allied activities and soon find out your core activity. By getting close to your calling, you are doing your part. The rest will follow.

By now you must answer the question, what do I want to be right now? I want to be a swimmer, I want to be a programmer, I want to be a teacher, I want to be an author, I want to be a cobbler, I want to be a pilot, I want to be a business man, I want to be a gambler, I want to be a stripper, I want to be a rock climber. Whatever you want to be, just state it, at this point do not worry about how this will fetch you money. Once you have stated it, written it, framed it, read on to find out how anything you want to be will give you enough for your needs.

I have been involved with adventure sports since I can remember. I have many friends who have made a living in such bizarre ways that it makes me believe in the magic of destiny. A friend of mine worked at odd jobs in the United Kingdom for six months in a year and spent the remaining in India. He worked only to get enough money to spend six months in India. In India, he stayed in Bir, Himachal Pradesh and did what he loved, he flew paragliders. He went back year after year and when it was time to return, he would be gloomy and grumpy. He never believed that he could make enough money by doing what he loved. For 12 years, he worked as a forklift driver, courier boy, restaurant manager, etc. Going back to make money was the most frustrating part of his life.

One cool evening, after we had brilliant flights we were admiring the sun set. These moments always make you wonder about the beauty of life and if you are wasting it. I knew he was a man who had a clear answer to what he wanted to be. He wanted to be a paraglider pilot, he wanted to fly all his life, but before writing it down, he was wondering how he would survive if he only did this. I said to him, "Bruce, you don't have to go back if you don't want to." He was taken aback by my statement as it went against his beliefs. He said he would do anything if I could relieve him of this annual burden. Today, he continues to live in Bir in a small bungalow with an orchid garden. He still goes back to the UK but only when he wants to and with a smile. On a chit of paper, he has written: I want to be a professional paraglider pilot.

How much of this story is directly applicable to you? Is making money for the things you like, the worst part of your life? Is what really makes you happy a miniscule part of your life? Are you working so that you can have good things for you and your loved ones? Please pick up a pen, a sheet of paper and write down, "I want to be a..."

Don't think that since it is so clear in your mind that you don't have to write it. Remember, the universe works in strange ways, ways beyond our understanding. Cut the crap and just write it down.

Congratulations, you have found what you are meant do be doing.

Now start worrying about how what you are going to be is going to keep you alive too. Just like you never put the cart before the horse, the 'how' should never be in front of the 'what'. To understand how you can convert whatever you love to do into a profession that will meet your needs, read on.

Let's take the job of a software engineer. His job is to create software that will make life easier for its user. If your calling is to create software, you will enjoy creating it and at the same time help people who use it. Let's take the job of a carpenter, if his calling is to create furniture, he will enjoy creating wonderful furniture and the user will enjoy using it. Take any job, if it's your calling you will enjoy doing it and at the same time, the users of your product or service benefit from it.

The trouble is that people and jobs are not matched. Creating software is the calling of an individual but he is selling cars, teaching is the calling of another individual but he is in Human Resources. I think if we can match these, we can not only transform organizations but the entire world.

I already have friends and participants in my program who have changed or fine tuned their jobs to pursue what they like to do, it's wonderful to see their faces light up when they talk of what they are doing. Arvind, a 58 year old has the passion of a 15 year old when it comes to teaching English.

To convert what you like to do into a profession, you must go back to the very definition of your calling and how you figured it out in the first place. Just to refresh your memory, I shall list them here. Doing it makes you extremely happy, it benefits and makes someone else happy too and it does not harm anyone or anything.

I was in Lonavla when I met this girl. She loved being amongst children and playing with them. It made her extremely happy. She had a master's degree in management and was doing a job which required her to leave her home early and return fairly late. By the time she got home, the children who played near her house had either gone or were about to go home. She would rush to their play center and be with them for as much time as she could, a typical story with a set pattern. Doing a job to earn money so that you can do the things you like to do. She was at a job to earn enough and hoped someday she would be able to spend a lot more time with kids. I asked her to tell me besides her who felt happy when she was with the kids. She instantly answered that the kids loved it too. I then asked her, who, do you think could benefit from your being with the kids. The kids and maybe their parents, was her answer. The next question: in what way do they benefit? She would make them play games, solve puzzles, sing songs and also talk to them about things they would find uncomfortable talking to their parents. This was great. The final question: who is harmed by you being with the kids? Perhaps she was encroaching on the time which was rightfully their parents' and might strain relationships between children, their siblings and their parents. Thus, having my questions answered, I urged her to create a product and write it down as if she was a sales person trying to sell something to a client.

This is what she wrote:

I love kids and I have seen most of them love me. I seem to be able to get along with them and help them in ways that a normal school would not. Since I don't have a fixed syllabus, I tell them about the glaciers in Antarctica, the Red Panda, the Grand Canyon and the Ozone layer amongst other things that interest me or seem to be of concern to me. A child, to whom I had spoken to, wrote an essay on his home. While other children wrote about their family and the big house they had, he wrote of the planet that is our home. His essay was laminated and displayed on the notice board for the whole school to see. Another has become the chess champion of her school. While I don't promise that when your child comes to my house, he or she will be the best chess player or a great author, however I promise that I will love him or her so much that he or she will become what he or she can or is destined to become.

This is the perfect example of converting what you like to do into a product that can be sold and would sustain you. I lost touch with her over the years and always wondered if she had actually got down to doing it. After many years she called me and when I saw her name flash on my mobile phone, I knew she had done it.

### Me as a corporate – create your product

You don't have to leave what you are doing to do what you like doing, where you are is where you should be and thus you will find what you want, just where you are. Often people leave jobs to find what they are looking for but what they are looking for is something they already have within them and can never be found outside.

_Most employees in an organization have difficulty in answering the question "What is your job?" Even when they define it after considerable thought, the definitions are extremely narrowly focused. A Sales person_ _would say making calls and visiting clients, selling products to clients and so on. An HR person may say recruiting the right people at the right time or training existing people and so on. In my opinion they are the tasks that these people perform. My job is to help the companies do whatever that they do in a way that is twice as effective. If your job does not help your company do whatever they are doing more effectively, then why are you doing it? In this part, you will see how thinking_ _you are, the_ _organization, can transform your job into an offering that takes the company to higher levels of effectiveness._

Remember, what you love to do is something you are already doing in small measures. If you are not doing exactly what you would love to do, you are at least doing something close to it. If you are an employee of an organization, start thinking of yourself as an organization which is providing a service to it. Think of yourself as a one man company. What does this company sell, what does it provide.

No matter what job you are doing, you should be able to see a product that you are offering. As an example, let's look at a sweeper. He must have been hired years ago to sweep the floors. His product keeps the premises clean. His company is selling a product which will ensure that when you reach your office in the morning it will be spic and span. Let's take a sales person. His product enables his users to sell their product. His company provides the necessary skill to take the product to a client and make a sale.

These are simple illustrations. I am sure that your jobs are complex and you would be providing multiple products. When I meet executives, they talk of ten things that they are doing. It's always multiples of tens, sometimes touching the hundreds. In my profession I frequently interact with senior HR professionals in various organizations. I have asked many professionals and each one has given me more than ten things that they do. Typically there are 2 to 3 things that are said promptly. The others come with a pause that gets longer and longer. I do recruitments, training, performance management, (short pause) salary processing, (Pause) leave administration, (PAuse) compensation, (PAUse) benefits, policies, (PAUSe) terminations, (PAUSE)automation, (PAUSE)people systems, satisfaction surveys,........

What does all that you are doing really constitute? The answer to this question would be your product.

Since I am asking you to answer this question, I will give you my answer at this moment of time. My product doubles the productivity of individuals and halves the levels of stress. I like to call it 2P-S/2. Everything else that I do, like training programs, developing corrective plans, coaching and mentoring, designing management games, reading, writing, vendor agreements, etc. are things that I do to deliver my product. By themselves they are all products of lesser value. Together they form a value that far exceeds the sum of their individual value. They lose all their value if the product fails.

It's like a pilot who may be doing several jobs on and off the flight, understanding weather, operating the radio, mechanics of the aircraft, and other things apart from learning to fly the aircraft. All this becomes meaningless if he cannot carry passengers safely from one place to another.

Ask yourself, by me doing all this, what purpose does it serve? Keep asking till you find one answer for all that you do. If I ask myself, what purpose does vendor agreements serve. They help clarify what I need and also if I have fixed vendors, they will learn and deliver exactly what I need. Now I ask again, what purpose would this serve? If I have everything arranged well, I can focus on the program completely without bothering about the logistics. Now I ask again, what purpose will this serve? If I focus, I will be able to identify and provide the right inputs that are required to double productivity and half the stress. Everything leads to the product.

Everything I do, I do it for you – Bryan Adams.

Once you have figured out what your product is, you can sell the product. Once you sell the product you have made the transition to become a one man company. The value of the product must be higher than the selling price and it will sell like hot cakes. No one can refuse an exchange of a thousand for five thousand. Even my by product is more valuable than the cost of my product. Empowered employees start finding ways to fulfill their dreams within the organization and attrition rates drop. Recruitment cost reduces as a byproduct of my main product which is greater than the cost of my product.

In an organization I worked for, the topics for discussion on the career aspect was whether to be a generalist or a specialist. What I understood then was that to be a generalist meant you would need knowledge, experience and skill in all areas. The levels need not be as high as that of a specialist. If you wanted to be head of a function or CEO of a business, you need to be a generalist. On the other hand, if you pursue a narrow field, you can have a great deal of knowledge, experience and skills in that area which can make you an expert. You would be known in the industry and people would be glad to hire you for your expertise.

When I look back, I can see how little I understood and how much I thought I understood. Now I see it differently but I know there are sure to be different and better ways to understand this topic. Until I discover a greater truth, I will live with this.

When you know what your product is, you strive to deliver exactly that. To deliver your product, it will need different levels of knowledge, experience and skills in different areas. I need a through knowledge of human behavior, river rafting, sea swimming, mountaineering and any other subject that I use to deliver the product. I need moderate levels of knowledge and skills in business models, financial statements, economics, religion, cultures and a host of other things. I need to excel in reading diverse fields and derive connections that add meaning to the program and deliver the 2P-S/2. Whatever your product, you need to be a specialist at delivering it.

Another overused and misused term among management graduates is "Value Adding". They keep talking in terms of what value is being added by them. What they really do is look at some process, tweak it to make it simpler or effective or faster or some change. Coffee machine placed in a corner wasted time in going to it and coming back, relocate the machine, this was the answer of an IIM graduate when asked what value, he added today. How to make processes better is an obsession with management graduates. They go around looking for processes that would be faster, easier to operate and be more effective. They do improve some critical processes and help organizations reduce the wastages or enhance their productivity and their work does have value, but they have missed the meaning of the term "Value Adding"

Once you have a product, you can increase its value. A product that makes top level employees work together as a team is far more valuable than a program that makes entry level employees work as a team. A product that files your income tax returns would have lower value than one which files and guides on investments and tax benefits. I used to pay Rs.4,000/- to file my returns but now that I get investment and tax saving guidance with balance sheet and profit and loss statement, I pay Rs.8,000/-. This is adding value to your product.

Just like a car manufacturing company would keep introducing better models with added gadgets and features, you must keep adding to your product. Just like a car company sometimes introduces a product which is not a car at all, you can create a completely different product. Nokia was a riverside paper mill company before they made cell phones.

Once an employee sees what his product is, he becomes a one man company. He can then sell his product at a price. He can also enhance his product by adding things of value to it. Once he has a dear and valuable product to offer, he is a man on a mission. He believes that the more he sells, the better it is for his clients and thus for himself too. I believe the more programs I do, benefits the organizations more and thus I will make more money. I force sell when required. I ask my clients, why they have not done this program for this set of people? When I do programs for Bombay, I ask why not for Delhi, after that why not for Bangalore and so on.

If after adding all the value you can think of, you are not on a mission, then something is wrong and its time to change the product completely. It's time to make cell phones along with the paper mill. It's not your calling. You have wasted enough of your life already, stop wasting the rest of it. Value adding makes your product meaningful. It is something that you would gladly dedicate your life towards doing it. However if something is not right and you are not very exited about it, then most likely it's not your calling.

I find my work extremely exciting. It increases productivity of employees which is a direct benefit to the company and an indirect benefit to the employee, productive employees grow faster. It also makes the environment free of useless stress and employees can focus their efforts on outputs. They can stretch themselves to create the right stress levels for them to perform at optimum level.

I am now on a mission to teach these principles to as many people as I can. I travel the length and breadth of the country, reaching out to as many people as possible. Not only during the programs but even during normal conversations, I challenge people to see things differently, whenever I have a chance to influence someone, I swing into action.

The point I would like to highlight here is that once you know the contribution you are making and find value in the work you are doing, it makes you do it like a man on a mission. It is as natural as a fish swimming in water. The motivation is intrinsic to the work that you do and you would want to do more of it. You will want to do it in better ways and you will continuously strive to find ways to be more effective. To someone observing you, it will look like you are dedicated to your work or are hard working but actually you are having the time of your life!

I have worked continuously for four days and nights without feeling tired at all. Only after the programs were over did I realize that I had not slept for four nights in a row and that's when I felt tired and crashed out. No matter how hard working a person you are, you will not be able to do this unless you are doing the thing you are meant to do.

Most of us would have glimpses of this energy when we have danced through the night. You wonder where you get so much energy when usually you cannot last past 11:00 pm. Having fun is the greatest energy source and can keep you on your missionary zeal 24X7.

### Introspecting for exposing excuses

No self development without introspection. We have now crossed the first stage and found what we are meant to do, however we have not done it as yet. The time has come to ask why not?

Early in my professional life, I got the opportunity to work closely with the so called labour class, people who actually work on production lines, doing unto death the most monotonous of tasks till they retire. Some of them don't, they die before they reach their retirement age.

Why would a man spend his entire lifetime in clipping wires for wages barely enough to survive? Yet in front of my eyes were thousands waiting to do these jobs. It was their dream and they would be extremely happy to have their dreams come true. After a while they wake up and realize this was not what they bargained for.

**Dreams are important, without a dream life is** **meaningless. Dream of what you can be doing and it will give you all that you want. Dream of all that you want and you will be doing nothing that you like and to a great extent end** **up with little of what you want.**

These people dreamt of what they wanted, not surprisingly they landed up doing nothing that they liked, absence was an issue. I would call the person who had returned from a long absence and ask him why he came back to this job if he thinks it's so miserable. The answers that I got made me realize that humans have a strong conviction that they are victims of circumstances. No option and no choice, seems to be the theme of our existence.

At that time I did not have this understanding, I did not know how to make these people effective or make them live meaningful lives, yet my heart went out to them and I wanted to do something for them. I decided I would change the way these people worked and do some things that had never been done on the shop floor.

I did what I liked, overcoming my fear of losing my job. Doing what I like on the shop floor, the most unlikely places on earth.

Doing what you like can be started anywhere, once started it leads you to where you would want to be.

If we probe further and introspect deeply, we will discover more about ourselves. As humans, we are prone to feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness and other so called negative feelings. Feelings that don't make us feel nice about ourselves. Occasional depression and feeling low is common among us. Some of us have learnt to hide it well while some of us are open about our feelings. I have spent many hours trying to understand, trying to connect to the wisdom of great men and find a way out of this hell. Where do these feelings come from?

Imagine a situation where you are given the pink slip as your company has decided to "right size". Just last year you were appreciated for your good work and today, you have been told to leave. All that you were told is that the market was bad and business requires the company to be leaner. What would you feel? It could be sadness, bad, angry, scared but not great for sure. One of these or a close relative of these is the natural human response amongst most of us. A friend of mine lost her job. She asked me "what have I done to deserve this?" Well I said, its time to find out. These are introspective moments which would reveal a lot about yourself and help you make the necessary changes such that you don't land up in the same situation again. In my own introspection and in others who I have assisted, I have found that we eventually end up finding what we did or avoided doing that has lead to the situation. Once we find out what part we played in creating the situation, ironically we feel better. This is a beautiful paradox. When we blame others for our situation we feel bad but the moment we realize that it was at least partly our own doing, we feel better. The root of negativity has many tentacles. We will uncover them one by one in our attempt to answer where these negative feelings originate One of the sources of negativity is to believe that we are victims of something. The belief automatically finds the reason outside ourselves and puts the blame on it. Since it is outside us, we have no power to do anything about it making us feel helpless, sad, angry, and so on. We create our own hell, the devil lies within us.

During the early days of India's independence, communal riots had gripped the country and many people lost their lives. Children and women were not spared as rage gripped people and they killed each other. In those days, the epitome of non violence, the man who had given India her independence using non violent means had commenced a fast unto death as he was gravely hurt by what was happening around him. All that he had fought for seemed to be lost. As cities burned and people died, a man walked up to Gandhi and told him he killed a child. He was clearly in an emotional turmoil. Gandhi asked him why he did it. His son was killed in the riots and in a fit of anger he killed a small child. He said he would go to hell. Gandhi's response reveals the source and a way out. Gandhi said, god will decide whether you will go to hell or heaven, but I know a way out of the hell you are in right now. Take a child, whose parents have been killed, raise him as your own child. Give him the love and care that you would have given to you own child. Raise him well raise him to make you proud. The man wept, he fell at Gandhi's feet, bowing in respect to this great man. Gandhi's actions were instrumental in establishing peace at a time when people of India were gripped in a madness of anger. As long as the man blamed others for his action, there was anger, hatred, sadness, hell. As soon as he found out what he should do, hell gave way. This happens in the presence of a great soul or through genuine introspection. Just as the devil, resides in each one of us, so does God.

The first step towards doing what you want is to own responsibility for what we have done or not done, for which we are not already living the life of our dreams. The next step is understanding, the difference between action and results.

Let's take a corporate scenario and any person in it. If the man still has a dream, it would probably be to become a vice president or CEO or CFO. All his actions and decisions would be based on one criterion only. Would it help him get the next promotion? He does everything, often making huge sacrifices to make his dream a reality. He takes complete responsibility and yet he finds himself "struggling" in life.

These are people who are trying to control their destiny. As humans, it's obvious that we can't do that. Our need to control what happens to us. Our fear that we will not be able to be what we want to be, governs our lives. Only those who overcome this fear have actually lived and done something worthwhile for themselves and the rest of mankind.

If we look at the broad pattern of how most of us live our life, the similarity is striking and revealing. It seems the whole of mankind is under a spell. Our birth is followed by schooling, then a bit of specialized education or training, then a job, a few more jobs, retirement and then we wonder when life passed by before most things could be done.

Wouldn't it be better if we dream of things that we would like to do before we die rather than dream of becoming a vice president, CEO or CFO. A person who dreams of writing a program which transforms the way we use computers will become a founder of Microsoft.

Dreams must be about action (good Karma God's work through you ) and not of destiny (parinam). We humans have the gift to control our Karma but have not been blessed with the gift to control our destiny as yet.

By setting action goals, you become immune to the fear of losing control.

Fears work on us and as we grow, we overcome fears one by one to be freer and express ourselves. If we continue this process, we may eventually become completely free and be able to do almost anything. We explore different aspects of fear and find ways to overcome them to make us free to live life the way we want.

### Army

_I was watching a republic day parade and saw_ _the regiments being introduced with their motto. Each one of them, in some way indicated that they were prepared to_ _give their lives for the cause of the country. They were nothing more than suicide bombers that we call terrorists, maybe a step better as they go around killing only other suicide bombers_ _and not civilians. To understand fear and how it can make people do things, a peek into the operations of an army would help. The concept of courage used, the concept of enemy used and the concept of winning are all the creation of an inherent fear. It is more about killing and dying than living and enjoying._

Courage is, when faced with death, you stand and still do the right thing.

Imagine, said John Lennon, a world without boundaries, No religion, No Countries and nothing to kill or die for.

What would you call a group who lures the best youth of the country to take up arms and kill fellow humans? What would you call a group (Army and its controllers which sometimes include politicians) who is solely responsible for the hatred that exists between countries or has brought prospering nations to economic disasters?

I was going for a show and on the way I see an Air-tel (one of the largest telecom company in India) advertisement, the tag line said, "no barrier is too hard to break if only we talk" with a picture of the India-Pakistan border and ironically just a few meters away Indian Air force advertising for new recruits!

At a concert by Pink Floyd, Roger spoke about his stay in Lebanon before the war, how he had received brotherly treatment and now his own people have killed the family he had stayed with. That was the first time I saw a crowd at a rock show moved to tears.

We have been told time and again by great souls and not so great ones too, that violence cannot bring peace. Most of the human race understands this simple logic and yet we spend large sums of our national incomes, not to improve the quality of life for our citizens but to create larger and better weapons. Fortunately, the creation of the nuclear bomb has so far proved to be the best deterrent to war. No country with nuclear capability can be attacked for fear of the nuclear retaliation. All the years of peace negotiation could not achieve a no war policy, a single warhead did.

I am no expert on how weapons build-up happens but as I see it simply as one nation's fear of another. Scared of Pakistan, India builds up its defense and on seeing that, so does Pakistan. Similarly, North & South Korea, USA and Russia, China and Japan, England and...... during the cold war period, it was the massive build up of weapons that prevented war.

We have yet to witness a war between two nuclear capable countries.

Now let's examine the dynamics and see if there is meaning for us in our lives. When the partition of India happened, large groups of Hindus and Muslims crossed the border for fear of getting trapped in an area having a majority of the other religion. When their lives were disrupted, causing loss to life and limb created an anger and hatred for each other. Fear, anger and hatred together has given rise to the line of control, both sides of it has death creating more fear, anger and hatred. It created two wars and killed thousands. What it also did was make these two nations capable of nuclear attacks. Now the two nations can see what wise men have always known, violence cannot bring peace. All this time, they could not see that both nations have been near equal losers in the battle, now they see that they will be complete losers if they continue on this path. However, the subtle changes are harder to notice. Both have gained more confidence and are aware that a full scale war will be suicidal to both. Fear of one taking over the other is ruled out.

Fear makes people take decisions which put them in a difficult situation. It seems obvious that the cause of their difficulty is the other party. This creates hatred and violent behaviour, the desire to destroy the enemy, once and for all. Many attempts are made towards this before we realize that no matter how strong we are, we can never destroy your enemy (remember America in Vietnam). He will always stay your enemy as long as you try to destroy him. Only after many lives are lost and it is obvious that many more will be lost, does better sense prevail and restrain exercised. We know fear does stop us from doing things - fear of a nuclear bomb falling on our head has stopped us from going to war.

Isn't this the epitome of the phrase, "learning a lesson, the hard way". Weren't we told of this in the first place! As individuals, you may wish to believe that someone is out to get you, you may get scared and hate that person, you may try to destroy him and after losing a lot, make peace with him or believe that there is no one out there who wants to get you and if such a person does come by, you are capable of dealing with him.

If you want to live the life of your dreams, believe there is no one who is out there to get you. Only then will you be left with enough life energy to do what you like. Nations have learnt it the hard way. We don't need more people like you to become examples for others.

Most people, even those in the defense forces, finally agree that it is at best a necessary evil. As you read on, you will find ways that make it possible to have countries without armies. However the objective of writing this book is not to make a world free of armies and violence. It's written so that ordinary people benefit from the experience of a fellow human being. As long as you find ways which help you control your fear and not let it control you, the book has done its job. The rest will take care of itself.

### High paying jobs

Having a job that pays too high prevents you from doing what you like, another fear that rules you.

Now this will lead you to think I am crazy, the whole world is changing jobs for better pay. A friend of mine changed seven jobs in ten years and each time got paid about 50% more than his previous job. He is now doing a job that pays him so much that there are few jobs that he can move to. To be among the highest paid in the market should have made him very satisfied but somehow he keeps telling me that something is missing.

The job does not allow him to "do what he likes....."

His expenses grew along with his salary as he availed huge home and car loans which companies offer to people like him as if they were his 'till death do us part' friends. It's almost impossible for him to take a job which offers him more freedom and pays him less.

And no one, but no one would let him do "what he likes......" for the money they pay him.

I asked him if he would like to do what he likes and at the same time make more money than he currently did. It ignited his curiosity and led to a path for him to "do what he likes..."

In the last few years I have seen a very heartening trend. I have seen companies not only allow employees to pursue their dreams but even go out of the way to help them achieve these dreams. A large media organization that I work with seems to have realized that allowing employees to pursue their passions not only keeps them happy but can also create new revenue streams for the organization. It's a superb case of aligning personal goals with organizational goals to create win-win outcomes.

Now when a boss asks, how would you like to do your job or what would you like to do, he is likely to allow you to "do what you like...."

Fear, if not dealt with, governs behaviour. You give in or you rebel, you have very little choice. If we reflect on our lives, think about the things we do and the things we don't do, after we scratch our veneers and dig through our defenses we will find that in 80% of our life fear has made us do or stopped us from doing things.

While being thankful for the good things it has made us do, fear remains the single largest block to the things we would like to do. "Do what you like...." is hardly possible without facing and overcoming it.

### Universe, God and all the rest

The power to overcome our fear comes through many sources, some known, some unknown and some in between. Some of our philosophies or ways of looking at our world could increase or decrease our power. This part shares my philosophies that have empowered me to overcome my fears and act on what I wanted to do. There are some other sources of power that come from far beyond. This part also tries to help you tap into them.

Death to me is an incredible thing, until you see it closely, you seldom learn to live.

A dear friend of mine, at the age of 37 died of a heart attack. Soon after, another dear friend died at the age of 40. Both were fit and had no diseases.

Tomorrow I may die. I better live today!!!

My favourite way to spend my nights in the outdoors is to lie on my back and count the shooting stars. Looking at the grandeur I feel inconsequential. What is a small human compared to the universe. It's a humbling yet awesome experience.

Am I really worth worrying about? What am I really worrying about? What if I lost my job, what if all I have is destroyed by fire, will the stars from the sky fall on me. Nothing will happen that will change the course of the universe.

When my friend died, he left behind a wife and a son who was five years old. His wife had no job and his son was without a school as they came back to India from Muscat. Everyone was worried about them, now when I look at them, all is well. His son is studying in a well known school and his wife has a good job. Life goes on.

The course that the universe takes and with that our lives, is controlled by powers that we have no understanding of. The future remains as uncertain as it can be.

Please understand that what you do now has no bearing on what will happen later. Keeping your job does not mean that your future is secure, you may suffer the same fate as you would by loosing it. The future cannot be controlled, although it seems like it can be. Fearing what will happen in the future is the very reason that stops us from creating it. With whatever power we have, we can only change what is happening in the present and hope that it creates the future we would like. As long as this hope makes us change the present, it lives up to all the hype associated with the word. Hoping for something in the future without doing anything in the present is worse than buying a lottery ticket.

Future is what evolves in the present. DO WHAT YOU LIKE NOW and the future will take care of itself.

To me this is a source of power, power which allows me to fearlessly follow my heart and do the things I like. It removes the burden of "what will happen in the future".

I find no merit in fearing the future and suffering in the present. Doing a job that you don't like, to have a comfortable retired life is like saying the bird in the bush is better than the one in my hand.

Job, relationships, travel, interests, desires should all be fulfilling. If you always wanted to travel to Austria, go ahead and make it happen. Don't let fears stop you, live life to the fullest. If you always wanted to do a job which helps build flying cars, go ahead and make it happen.

What will happen to me if I fail? Nothing will happen.

### God

I have seen that to a large extent you can control the way your life moves. My chit of paper is proof to the process. We have also seen that what we write on that chit of paper is not entirely our doing.

To me it's a path on which sometimes you are the guide and sometimes you are the guided. When you are the guide you progress towards your higher self, towards what you would like to be, but you are guided to understand what that higher self is.

I was talking to a colleague. She wants to be a counselor. It gives her immense satisfaction to be of help to a troubled human being. She has been guided. It takes some doing to hear the voice of god and allow ourselves to be guided.

One wants to start a crèche, another wants to start a food chain, and yet another wants to implement systems so that life for his colleagues becomes simplified.

To know what you want to do is a blessing from God. It's a pity that many of us refuse it. I feel sorry for people who say they don't know what they would like to do. If you are one of them, I request you to take about three days off and go to a place of inspiring natural beauty, maybe a lake or a mountain or a seashore and simply search for an answer. You will be surprised how easy it is to talk to God and listen to his casual reply.

Most people say that they have faith in God, they trust God. Yet these same people are scared by small things. They are even scared of Him. I find this very confusing and difficult to understand. How can you be scared of God!!!

I trust him to lead me, guide me and have no doubts about that. He is always there for me and thus I have no cause for fear or worry. Empowering like nothing else.

The way we see life can be empowering or victimizing. The most practical of people who say they do not waste time in philosophies also have a way to look at life. We have seen optimistic and pessimistic people, both live on this planet and yet in completely different worlds. In fact each of us, view this world differently and thus create our own worlds, and in our own worlds we know exactly how things work. This "knowing" of how things work and our beliefs is what creates our reality, our own worlds. Interestingly, Einstein never thought he knew how things worked while most of us think we know.

Beliefs that empower me and their reasoning are

1. Existence is a dance that is being orchestrated by a power far beyond our understanding. Any attempt to control it is futile. When I stop trying to control, I go with the flow, I go where I am guided. All my fears and worries are about what is going to happen and now that I have stopped trying to control things that are going to happen, I am free from the fears and worries to go after "what I like to do...."

2. Death cannot be predicted and can visit at any moment. This makes "do what you like....." urgent. Alabama, a country music band has a beautiful song called Start Living, which talks about how a man keeps waiting till end of school, then till the end of college, then till he completes one job, then another, till retirement and then the doctor tells him its too late. He wanted to read more books, make more love, talk more to the man above, watch the sunset in the rain and visit Mexico.

3. God will help me through everything. I see him as a nurturing parent, one that has the best interest of his child in his heart. Protective, at the same time allowing, to experience the pain that is essential, to be a better person.

### Trust

Fear and trust are inversely proportional. Higher the fear, lower the trust. This part explains the dynamics of trust and ways to increase your ability to trust and have trustworthiness around you. It explores the outcomes in scenarios where trust levels are high and where trust levels are low.

If you want to have a wonderful life, there is nothing more important than being surrounded by trust.

My experimentation with trust commenced when I was in college and attended a lecture on Organisation Behaviour . The class was divided into four groups. It was group one versus group two and group three versus group four. The game was the popular, win as much as you can.

The dynamics are similar to the prisoner's dilemma. If both prisoners do not spill the beans, they are likely to get away with minor punishments for lack of evidence. They are both tempted with promises that they will get a lenient sentence if they cooperate with the police and then the statement of each one is used as a bait to elicit more information from the other. If they bite the bait they will reveal enough to be put off for a long time, even after the police fulfill their promise of leniency.

When we began the game, I was completely unaware of these dynamics

Each group had to choose one out of the two possible moves. The moves were red or black. They would do this unaware of the other team's move. Only after all teams secretly made their moves, these would be displayed on a board. This, we were told, would go on for ten rounds.

The scoring was simple, if the teams that were against each other played red, both teams would get a +10. If both teams played black they would get -10. If one team played red and the other black, the team that plays red gets -10 and the team that plays black gets +10.

At the end, we would rank the teams from one to four to see which team did the best.

In isolation, this means that if you play a black, you will either win ten points or lose as much as the other team. If you play red you would lose ten points or win as much as the other team.

Typically we started with the assumption that the other team would choose to lose as little as possible and would play a black. We were group four and we played black as our opening move. At this stage we are not fully aware of the dynamics of the game.

Results of Round one

Scores are cumulative at the end of every round.

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

We turned out to be right in our assumption that the other group would play black, we were happy to guess right but we had lost ten points, we had lost as much as the other team.

We saw the other two teams play red and we felt that they had not understood the rules well and soon one of them would realize and play black. We knew that when that happens, the team playing red would be out of the race.

We were very clear that we would stick to our strategy and continued black for the second round. To our surprise, all groups stuck to the same colours and the results of round two were:

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Now group one and two had taken a 20 point lead over us but we consoled ourselves that we are not last and we have another eight rounds to play.

The third round had people in our group talking about loopholes in our strategy as the results were not what we wanted. They were only what we expected. Personally I was confused. I did not want to get another -10 but did not know how we could avoid it.

It was as if our fate depended on the team we were playing against. Most of us felt helpless and frustrated. Tempers flared for the first time as a few were of the opinion that we change and do something different. I was silent as my mind was grappling with all the possibilities and thinking about what could be going through the minds of the people in the team 3 playing against us.

Body language of group 3 was also that of confusion. I could also catch glimpses of secrecy as they did not want us to know what they were planning.

I was convinced that they would play black and this left me with no option but to choose black.

Our professor, like a skilled sailor navigating a boat through rough weather, was taking us through one of the greatest lesson of our lives. He changed the stakes for round three to 20 points. It meant that we could either win or lose 20 points in this one round.

See what happened at the end of round three. But before you see the scores I would like you to guess the outcomes and decide the colour you would choose.

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

At this point our theory that playing a red was suicidal was confirmed as we saw group two, plunge from 20 to zero. So if red is not to be played we can simply play a black and keep hoping that group 3 at some point decides to play a red and we go ahead of them.

Nothing seemed to be in our hands and most of us had resigned and stopped banging our head against what we thought was a stone wall. Somehow, it did not seem right to me and I kept saying that we must think of a way to pull ourselves out of this. I was not sure if it was possible, but I refused to give up.

At that time I was not conscious of anything that was happening in our group. Now I can clearly see it as a defining moment of my life in that class. I kept thinking and checking my thoughts with others, debating at options to come up with a plan. I was thinking of something instead of nothing.

I had taken charge, our group was revolving around me but while it was happening I had no clue. I was only interested in doing well and finding a way to do that.

Round four stakes were also 20 but with indications that the stakes in the coming rounds would change.

Status after round four

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Yes, we chose to play red, with little hope and more resignation. Now we were last. At that point a plan began to form in my mind. What if we kept playing red, would the other team think, at some point of time that it's safe to play red which can make both teams win.

This hope caught on like fire within our team. Suddenly we had something to look forward to. We were excited, we were back and we had a plan.

Round five and the stakes were raised to 50 points.

Status after round 5 which you should be able to guess was no surprise to any of us, we were in control and we were going to lose big time.

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Black | -30 | Black | -70 | Black | +30 | Red | -110

The huge negative score made a few people in our group question my thinking. We had a spirited dialogue, exploring options, exploring meanings, exploring our feelings, what we stand for, what feels right and what feels wrong. No one defended their stand. They were willing to enhance their understanding of how these dynamics work.

Amazingly we discovered another great insight, if we were to lose, we would lose the same amount by playing red or black, so play red, that's our only chance to win.

All need for secrecy had disappeared from our group. Our body language was clear and confident. We were all red, eagerly waiting to test our new found theory.

Round 6 was played for a stake of 10 points.

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Black | -30 | Black | -70 | Black | +30 | Red | -110

Black | -40 | Black | -80 | Red | +40 | Red | -100

When we saw the red of group 3, we witnessed something that we had never seen before. A flood of emotion swept over us like the opening of a dam's **sluice** gates. We screamed and we cried, we hugged and we sobbed. We had made a breakthrough, not just in the game but in the way we would look at life from then on.

Round seven was for a stake of 50 points

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Black | -30 | Black | -70 | Black | +30 | Red | -110

Black | -40 | Black | -80 | Red | +40 | Red | -100

Black | -90 | Black | -130 | Red | +90 | Red | -50

We were suddenly second and raring to go. Group one and two were too engrossed in their own thoughts to see that we had achieved a breakthrough. They wanted to maintain a relative position to the other team, blind to the impact it had on them. Somehow group 1 believed -90 is better than -130, group 2 could not think clearly as they were too occupied with guessing what the other group would play.

Round eight was played with a stake of 50 points

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Black | -30 | Black | -70 | Black | +30 | Red | -110

Black | -40 | Black | -80 | Red | +40 | Red | -100

Black | -90 | Black | -130 | Red | +90 | Red | -50

Black | -140 | Black | -180 | Red | +140 | Red | 0

For the first time we were not in the negative. Group 3 was clearly way ahead but we knew we were headed towards more points. Now group 2 is clearly down and out and they start thinking about our recovery. How was it possible to recover from being -110? I overheard group 2 discussing our strategy and knew they were about to discover what we had.

Round nine with a stake of 10 points

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Black | -30 | Black | -70 | Black | +30 | Red | -110

Black | -40 | Black | -80 | Red | +40 | Red | -100

Black | -90 | Black | -130 | Red | +90 | Red | -50

Black | -140 | Black | -180 | Red | +140 | Red | 0

Black | -130 | Red | -190 | Red | +150 | Red | +10

For the first time only group 1 was playing a black. By now everyone in the room was sure group 4 would play red. Equally sure was everyone about group 3. By now I had a burning desire to see us end with all reds. It was the last round, has group 2 been too late? Would group 1 risk third place for a possible fourth?

Mr. Professor had one last chance to steer the ship to safety and this time the stakes were 200 for group 1 and 2, and 70 for group 3 and 4.

I thought I had learnt all there was to learn during this unforgettable hour of my life but I was wrong. Group 3 out did themselves and surprised us all. They decided to reward us for our contribution to this game. They insisted that we play black and they play red so that the two groups finish at relatively equal scores.

Group 1 encouraged by all this around them decided to make the most of this opportunity. They announced that they would play red. Group 2 had the courage to believe them and at the end of round 10

Group one | Group two | Group three | Group four

---|---|---|---

Red | +10 | Red | +10 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Red | +20 | Red | +20 | Black | -10 | Black | -10

Black | +40 | Red | 0 | Black | -40 | Black | -40

Black | +20 | Black | -20 | Black | -20 | Red | -60

Black | -30 | Black | -70 | Black | +30 | Red | -110

Black | -40 | Black | -80 | Red | +40 | Red | -100

Black | -90 | Black | -130 | Red | +90 | Red | -50

Black | -140 | Black | -180 | Red | +140 | Red | 0

Black | -130 | Red | -190 | Red | +150 | Red | +10

Red | +70 | Red | +10 | Red | +220 | Red | +80

Obviously, we did not play black, after all there is no merit in reducing someone else's gain. We would anyways end up with 80 which we did.

After that day I had numerous class mates congratulating me. Other people gave me credit for how things turned out. Some said that they would never have trusted anyone else and they played red only because they knew that I was in charge of the team.

I don't think it was me. Each one of us, in our own way, learnt to overcome our fear and had the courage to trust other people.

As a teacher, I have taken hundreds of people through this process, using different metaphors like pits, prison cells and so on.

Since that day, I have conducted numerous experiments on trust and its impact on our lives.

It was the time when I had difficulty in working with an authoritative aggressive boss. It was also about the same time when I was beginning to see the magic of trust and decided to experiment.

What was happening was simple to see, I had to deal with people like him in the organization I would get scared and postpone the event. I would hope that it's forgotten. That would backfire 9 out of 10 times and yet I would keep doing it.

I wrote down a hypothesis stating that my boss has my best interests in his heart and wants me to succeed. I decided that I would not let his behaviour affect me by remembering my hypothesis. Immediately it made me more open towards him. I wrote down a detail description of my work. Till that time I had hidden all my weak areas, tried my best to hide my vulnerabilities, always reporting my achievements and never my failures. I was scared that he would fire me if he knew my failures.

This time it was different, I was bold in confronting my weak areas. I described how I was trying to cope with them and requested help.

I followed this by the successes I had, I kept it crisp. I followed it up by another part, describing what my dream job would be.

After sending him the report, I waited for two weeks without response, beginning to think that it was a mistake and just maybe my understanding of trust was faulty. We did not see each other till our ritualistic monthly meeting. Even here, it seemed that nothing had happened. It was almost like he had not read the report at all. It was not until the fag end of that meeting that I had a slight clue. Among the many things he asked me to do in the next month, he casually told me to do my first outbound program.

I had expected a lot more, I had expected help in my weak areas but none came forth. I wanted a change in my job profile, none came forth. I was disappointed.

Obviously I was no star performer. I was maybe even less than average. With my way of avoiding things I wonder how I had any hopes of improving my performance. My boss surely did not make it look like he had any confidence in me to make things happen. I don't know how, but I somehow managed to draft a mail and get it approved by him to invite nominations for the program.

At that time no one had heard of an outbound training program and only five people responded showing some interest in it. I knew that I needed at least 15 people for the program to happen. I literally begged and pleaded for nominations.

One day before the program I remember my boss calling me to his cabin and enquiring what I intended to do. After listening for a while, he told me to tell him one thing that the outdoor adventure could do that other training programs could not do. I told him many things like team work, leadership, etc but the answer was clearly "HANDLING FEAR".

I was to make participants experience fear and overcome it. I was to explain how the same process could be used in handling fear at the work place. When I walked out of that room, I simply realized that this program is not meant for anyone else but me. I had to discover ways to handle my fear at the workplace.

After that program there was no looking back. We conducted some challenging programs which were all runaway successes. In all the programs I realized that it's the teacher that learns the most. Slowly, I was improving in all my weak areas. It was only fear in different forms that held me back from high performance.

When I think back, I am sure that my hypothesis was absolutely correct. Using all the ways he knew, my boss was trying to build me up for great success. He had my best interests at heart. It was much later that he told me that he looked at me as more evolved than any of my colleagues.

I had a colleague who I disliked and did not trust. We were competing for the top performer's slot which promised a big increment in salary. The competition was largely between the two of us with the rest a clear shade behind. We knew that there was very little that could separate us in terms of performance, therefore what mattered was how the boss perceived us. I knew that colleague would try to influence our boss by showing me in bad light.

While these thoughts occupied my mind, some colleagues were feeding me with data which could be used against her. This is another mysterious behaviour of human beings. They seem to derive immense pleasure seeing others fight. They would go out of their way to ensure that we were constantly at each other's throat.

Later when the appraisals were done, the best performer was not me. It wasn't even her. This had infuriated her and I remember her barging into my boss's cabin and walking out 10 minutes later with a sad face. Within five minutes of returning to her seat she called me and told me that we were not the top performers because we did not get along with each other.

Our boss had noted the instances when she had spoken badly about me to him. She told me some of them and then told me that he now wants to meet me. I was so glad that my boss had seen through her scheming, she was no team player and even though she was a great performer, her attitude of trying to cause harm to her colleague could not be rewarded.

I was sure that I had not done any such thing. I wondered if I was really outperformed by someone else. When I entered his room, he informed his secretary that he did not want to be disturbed for the next 15 minutes. He started off by describing her behaviour of highlighting my faults. Then he asked me why I think she was doing this.

I replied, how would I know? He looked at me and stayed quiet, waiting to hear the next words that I would utter. "What" was the next word followed by another short span of silence. We were silent for a while and at the end of fifteen minutes his secretary announced that its time. He told me to think about it and return with an answer.

As I returned to my seat with the same sad expression that my colleague had, I wondered what his point was. She quickly understood that I too would have had a similar experience.

We sat together. I told her I had to find out the reasons for your behaviour. She burst out laughing and told me that is what she was supposed to do too. She then told me of the instances when I had bad mouthed her in front of him. I was shocked. I believed that I never do such things. I was wrong, my body language, my voice and tone, my avoidance and indifference were all saying that I don't trust her. I could not hide my belief that she was not to be trusted, it was clear to everyone who knew the both of us. I thought that I resisted all temptations to cause her harm but that was not so.

We both realized that it was our own distrust of each other that made us act in the way we did.

What I learned that day was that if I distrust someone, that someone will distrust me.

Later, I observed my relationships with people I distrusted and found that this happens in almost every case. It is only a rare evolved person who will continue to trust you despite the fact that you do not trust him.

Some people are high on trust and some people are low. Some people can naturally trust others and some have it in their nature not to trust anyone. One person who I thought was very high on trusting others was my next boss. We started off on a high, our wavelength matched on many issues and the first year was great. Professionally I found his ideas missed the mark, one of it was very hard for me to digest.

Instead of directly confronting him, I used to criticize his methods to others. My trust in him had dropped and he knew about it. He knew that I talked badly about his methods and frequently commented on the importance of speaking up while deciding on the course of action and then shutting up and doing it once the group decides to do it. He kept saying that he hates people who say "I told you so" after something goes bad.

In spite of all this, he would continue to tell me, what he intended to do. He would continue asking for my thoughts and not once did his respect for me as an individual falter.

His trust in me did not depend on my trust in him. He could trust me if I trusted him and could trust me if I distrusted him. I could not change it.

This is one experience I've had which makes me say that if you distrust someone, he will distrust you almost 100% of the time. 99.99999999% of the time distrust begets distrust.

Tora, Naasha, Kharmin and a few of our friends with their children had gone to the beach one evening. We had bought some pizzas and cake for dinner which we planned to have after playing a few games. While we were playing, a middle aged poor lady came and sat a few meters away from us. To me she looked like a beggar and also mentally disturbed. She would make some faces and appeared to talk to her self.

Naasha, my daughter and her friend about the same age as her (8) walked up to her and asked her, her name. She was Balwanti, if I remember correctly. They invited her to play with them and when she refused they took her hand and tried to pull her and convince her to play with us.

In India, we frequently hear through the media of children being lured away and introduced to begging on the streets or in the flesh trade. The occasions may be rare but are in everyone's consciousness, thanks to the media. This is every parent's nightmare and more so for parents of the girl child. I was extremely alert and ensured that I would be in a position to react in a flash if required. I ensured that incase something fishy emerges, I would take charge immediately, I let the conversation continue.

Soon the games were over and we started having dinner, Naasha and her friend Pashan were prompt to take a piece of pizza and offer it to Balwanti. They went back once again and asked her if she wanted more, in the end we had some leftovers which Balwanti gladly polished off. We cut the cake and gave a piece to Balwanti.

The evening was over and we all went back. Some days later, Tora and I were taking a walk on the beach. Tora recollected the event as she saw it. She was very clear that she did not want me to allow our children near such people. I could feel her fear. Usually she encourages them to share their things, help the poor and shows them that the world is generally a great place to be in. People are nice and can be trusted is what she teaches them and so I was surprised at her reaction.

Surely there are elements in the society that would be on the look out for an easy catch, by allowing our children interact with beggars are we inviting trouble?

From my point of view, I had assessed the situation. I was well aware of the possible danger and felt that I could handle it if something went wrong. Tora was at a distance and did not feel the comfort of being in charge, therefore her fear was larger and destroyed trust.

This is one real danger and there are many more in this human world of ours. No wonder we are scared, we are scared that people would rob us, steal our cars, take our children away or even kill us. The morning cup of tea begins with startling headlines about the worst things that happen in the world. In a world like this, how can we trust people?

Does this mean that we are stuck in this downward spiral which will create so much distrust in the society that we will have no choice but to enter into pre-nuptial agreements? Does this mean that we will have to watch our borders like hawks? Does this mean that if India pulls back her troops from Sciachen, Pakistan will invade and take over? Does this mean that we cannot let our children travel in school buses?

If fear has not made you neurotic by now, you will surely answer most of these questions in the negative. I would answer all of them in the negative. I feel a pre-nuptial agreement is the most ridiculous thing ever. I don't think our neighbouring countries are waiting for a lax on our part so that they can start a war. I don't think twice before sending my daughters in the school bus as I know they are in good hands.

How bad it really is?

There is a co-relation between the bad things that happen in a society and the level of trust that exists. If a group of people display high levels of trust towards each other, they are more prosperous and crime is reduced. Let's take the example of countries, Afghanistan & Iraq, the low level of trust is enough to kill you. If you go to a place like this, first the officials will be suspicious of you, they will watch you for the slightest error, if they fail to find any, you are automatically their man and the opposition needs to kill you. Either way you are dead. You cannot survive distrust.

In Singapore or Europe, trust levels are relatively higher, Europeans do not need visas to travel between countries, there are no build up of armies on borders, the mighty Berlin Wall could not bear the weight of trust between countries and came crashing down.

United States of America, built on solid principles seems to have lost its way. Trust between the Americans and the Muslim world seems to be at an all time low bringing down the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. Mr. Barack Obama needs to make speeches proclaiming that America is not an enemy of the Muslim world.

On this planet, we have different worlds. Some are ruined, some prospering, some peaceful to the core and some torn by war. No matter where you are, you need to increase trust. If you want to improve your world, increase the level of trust within it. It is not difficult to do this.

If you recall the part of the book which separates fear from danger and apply the same principles here, you will find that you will be able to increase your trust levels. As I understand the dangers of the sea, the Rip current becomes a familiar phenomenon no longer capable of harming me. Similarly, if I understand the dynamics of trust, I will be able to break the spiral and turn it around.

In all my experiments with trust, most of them in India and a few in countries like Thailand, Malaysia & Singapore. Just like distrust begets distrust, trust also begets trust, although it's not about 100% of the time as in the case of distrust. This greatly depends on the people around you. This means that if you trust 100 people in Afghanistan, only about 20 would return it. In India it would be around the 80% mark and in Singapore it would be close to 90%.

With this information, if I am in India, it's safe to trust people with almost anything. In Singapore it's safe to trust people for anything while in Afghanistan it's safe to assume that you are dead. So the degree of difficulty varies by the surrounding you are in but the process remains the same.

The process is simple, trust everyone and some would return your trust. This straight away improves the situation by removing the certainty of distrust. Living with even 20% trust is better than living with 100% distrust.

The key is in knowing that you cannot reduce harm that is coming your way by reducing your trust levels. If I live my life suspicious of everything and everyone around, carefully planning against any harm that someone could cause me, I will still have a few lost or stolen items.

My pocket has been picked once & my car stereo has been stolen once. Once on a trek, our parked car was broken in and some cell phones and bags with clothes and food were stolen. Apart from these I don't remember any such instances. I have known many people who have installed the best of security systems in their cars and yet their cars get broken in, maybe even repeatedly.

Have you ever met a man who is extremely cautious and has managed to avoid all the harm that comes his way? I have however met many who worry themselves over possible harm and yet an equal harm seems to come their way, if not more.

My house-helps have never stolen from my house. They have my house keys and are alone in my house every day. They have access to cash and valuables in the house. Could it be because of the complete trust we have shown in them?

Harm in the loss of material things is what we have talked about so far. To conclude this discussion we can take the two extreme cases that I know of. My uncle is extremely suspicious of everyone around. His belief is that if he takes his eyes off his belongings, they will be stolen. I am the exact opposite. My mobile phone is invariably left on the table. My motorcycle has no lock, no ignition key. I believe that there are very few thieves and it would be very unlikely that something will get stolen.

Between him and me, I have fewer cases of thefts and lost items, mostly attributed to the time spent on this planet. The only difference is that he worries about it all the time.

### Love and Betrayal

I've used "he" but it does not indicate the male partner in the relationship. It is the person and could be male or female.

The real harm that most people are worried about is that the people they trust may back stab them. Someone you love betrays you.

In some of my programs I ask: "How many of you trust your spouse not to cheat on you?" Most hands go up. Then I ask, "How many of you completely trust your spouse, never to cheat on you?" Some hands invariably go down. Then I ask, "What do you think are the chances of a spouse cheating on you if you trust completely?" They write down an answer in percentage terms. I would then ask, "What are the chances of betrayal if you increase your suspicion and reduce your trust by ten percent?" Most people realize that by being suspicious the spouse is more likely to cheat on you. The percentage likelihood of cheating increases. To make it more dramatic, I describe a situation where suspicion is very high and the trust is very low. It is clear that if in a relationship you become suspicious, that is the beginning of the end of that relationship.

Adultery hurts and is a real issue that people want to find a way out. Many couples, sharing a lovely loving relationship have split on suspicion of adultery. Only a few of them have actually committed adultery. The act and the allegation are equally lethal in destroying relationships.

When I complete this exercise, someone will ask the obvious question "What if the spouse is actually cheating on you?"

Before answering that question, I ask them to place themselves on the trust-o-meter and tell me their score. From my experience, I have seen that people who ask this question have personally struggled through adultery or have seen someone very close to them suffer. They place themselves unrealistically high on the trust-o-meter. They think they are good at trusting their partners, but a few questions would show that they would frequently call to check up on them. Their insecurities would show just beneath the veneer.

They have already begun the end. The seed of suspicion is sown and watered. Now the creeper is bound to grow.

I had always thought that there would be people having perfectly loving and caring partners, and yet would give in to their lust and commit adultery. I still think that they do exist but I have not found any so far. In most cases that I have counseled, the offended has accepted the role played to create such a reality. If couples share a loving and caring relationship, they would stay faithful to each other. It is very unlikely that a person would give in to lust if he/she enjoys a relationship full of love and care. When a partner is unfaithful, it is most likely a combination of a strain in the relationship and a temptation. Usually, both partners (offender and the offended) play an equal part in causing the strain in a relationship. It is this part played by the offended that has created the strain and led to such a reality.

Adultery is not the end of the world. Couples have survived it and some have even bettered their relationships. It is often lack of understanding of why it happened and the blame being put entirely on the offender that puts the final nail on the coffin. If the offended did not sow the seed and watered it, the creeper would never have grown.

To help us understand the creation and effect of the creeper, let's isolate the offended. The act did not really involve the offended at all. It was external to his/her individual existence and can have no bearing on him/her. If he did not know about it, it would not affect him. Whatever is the suffering, it is his/her ego suffering. It's not his love for his partner but for himself that is causing him to suffer. People who suffer after such an event haven't understood the meaning of love.

This very suffering is sometimes a teacher, and pupils, for the first time in their life understand what it is to selflessly love another person. It's no surprise that some couples emerge stronger after such an event. The first question that the offended needs to answer is, does he/she really love the other. Most likely it's the lack of love in a relationship that is the cause of adultery. The offended now becomes the offender and understands his/her role which leads to the event. Often people realize that they showed no love or felt no love in a relationship long before the adultery actually happened. If that is so why all this fuss now?

However, all this is in the past. Each partner has played a role in creating that reality and one or both have committed adultery. What is relevant now is not do they still love each other, but does the offended still love the offender. After having seen betrayal, does (s)he still want the relationship to work? Chances are that (s)he wants it to work, (s)he would not have asked the question in the first place if (s)he was not interested.

What (s)he really wants to know is how can (s)he continue trusting someone who has already betrayed her/him? (S)He wants to ensure that (s)he is not cheated on again and again.

I have struggled for an answer to this question and again, it dawned on me in the great outdoors. It was a clear bright windy day. It was just the perfect gliding day and I was on atop my favourite gliding site in Kamshet near Pune. The site is one of my favourites as it has a huge take off and landing area. On a day like this I was looking to fly for about two hours, land on the hill, have tea and again take off for the rest of the day.

I took off at about 1 p.m. and the day was just as I had expected. Ample lift everywhere and I could just float to 2000 ft above take off. The view from that height was terrific, I could see as far as Lonavla which is about 20 kms from Kamshet. The day was so good that the sky was painted with paragliders of different colours, each one exploring a part of the site, or a part of oneself.

It is typical of the site that the lift lowers towards 3 pm and again picks up at about 4 pm. I see some gliders running out of air and heading to the landing area, the lift was getting weaker down below. I was still at a height that made soaring comfortable but soon I would have to plan my descent and land.

At that moment, I looked down on this hill from which I had taken off. It was a perfect top landing strip, flat and barren with a layer of grass and one tiny little imperfection, a five feet cactus plant. I had never known of its existence as it is not even in the normal landing area. I started my descent using s-turns and lost about 1000 ft. For the first time I thought I should not land in the cactus but it seemed foolish even to think of it. I had hundreds of meters of landing area out of which I needed barely 10 to 20 ft.

From 1000 ft I kept the cactus plant in sight to ensure that I don't land on it. I flew away from it and when it was completely out of sight I turned just to keep it in sight so that I could ensure that I didn't land on it. Then I would pass by it and fly away and again it would disappear. I would turn just to keep it in sight. Then on the final leg, I choose a nice spot next to the cactus plant, just far enough to keep the plant in sight and ensure that I didn't land on it. I remember the last few feet. It was like getting up from a dream. The cactus was in my sight, I tried desperately to avoid the cactus and used all the tricks to either shorten or lengthen the flight but every time the wind would do the opposite and I landed on the cactus!

It's strange that what you want least to happen and try your best not to let it happen, is the only thing that happens. One often meets destiny on the road one takes to avoid it.

If you don't want your spouse to cheat on you and do everything possible to ensure that it does not happen, it is the only thing that will happen.

This gave me a huge insight into why these relationships were going bad. They so wanted it not to go bad and did everything to ensure that it would not, but that's the only thing that happened.

The cause does not tell us how to re-build the broken relationship and all the insights into the cause are like history.

It took another magical flight to understand the missing link. This time it was my home site in Bombay (Mumbai) and I was attempting my second cross country flight. The best four pilots took to the sky filled with clouds and excitement. The plan was that we mark the thermals in front of the hill and gain as much height to reach cloud base which was just about the height to make a safe cross country flight, avoiding the rotor winds behind the hill. We had decided to leave at 2000 ft. The pilot reaching 2000 ft would set course and the flight would be observed for lift and turbulence by those following.

We tried our best but we just could not reach 2000 ft. We could climb to 1700 on one side of the site and 1850 at the other end. After an hour of strenuous work, trying to grab every inch of height, I was getting impatient as our chance of making a cross country flight was fading away.

My training told me that it was exactly at these times that pilots make that one fatal error. Sidney, my flight instructor had warned me of this even after my first cross country flight. It was the lure of this big cloud with all its promise of lift and a ride that was too much to resist. I headed straight towards it even as I lost height. I knew it was the sinking air around the lift and I had to hit it before I hit the ground.

I took too long to decide when I would hit the ground first. I had to change course, I could not reach the cloud suck and be lifted by it. If I continued beyond this point I would land on the electric wires and be fried alive. I turned back and from a sure death, I was now facing a likely death. In front of me were the cable car wires, a little higher were the wind mill blades, below were electric wires and I was flying about 10 feet away from the killer rotor behind the hill. It's a nightmare for any pilot.

My mind was racing. I was calculating wind speed, lift, angle of bank, angle of attack, distance to be covered, path to follow every second. I would make that fine correction with every slight change in the wind condition. With every change I would reconsider my options. I had to change the glider performance precisely to the inch. Higher, lower, faster or slower would mean broken bones, if I was lucky.

I had to make it to the landing area. I was using all my skills real time with a laser focus that could cut a hole in steel. I flew under the blades of the windmill, over the cable car wires missing the electric wires by a few feet and reached the landing strip skimming the trees on the way. Later my instructor told me that considered me his best pilot and did not think I would make it out alive. While I was flying I had no time to think what could happen, when I landed and looked back at the flight path, it was like getting out of a crocodile's jaw.

It was another pilot who told me that the whole flight, looked like I was carving a path through a maze to reach the landing zone. Not once did it look like I was trying to avoid the dangers. The focus was clearly to reach the landing zone in one piece.

This is where I got my answer for relationships, if the focus changes to make it the most loving one then we can get out of any mess we are in.

Do not focus on what you don't want happening, you will land on the cactus. Focus on reaching the landing zone and you will have the flight of your life.

Coming back to the fundamental question, Is it good or suicidal to trust?

Unless you are in the business of crime correction or espionage or other related professions where you need to be suspicious of everyone around, it is stupid not to trust people around you.

The dynamics are fairly clear and simple, if you distrust people around you, they will not trust you. Instead, if you trust people around you, you will be surrounded by people who trust you. In my opinion we don't have a choice but to trust people. If you are surrounded by people who do not trust you, you will achieve very little in life. Not only that, most importantly your focus would be on avoiding rather than achieving.

There is a completely different aspect of trust, one in the realm of spirituality - Trust in god, existence and faith.

When I ask people if they trust god, barring a few atheists almost everyone replies in the positive. Then I ask them if there is some power that makes the universe, the sun the planets, our lives go round. This is also answered in the positive. Is there a possibility that the sun on its own or Pluto on its own decides to change the course of its orbit. Is there a possibility that, that super power is guiding our lives too?

I believe in god. I believe that he guides me in my actions and my purpose. Whatever I do, He is there to look after me. This belief has helped me deal with my fears to a large extent. A lot of people fear god as someone who is watching over our mistakes and will punish us if we err. I think he has better things to do.

Fear is a natural response that helps us keep away from danger and at no point should be ignored. To say that I am not scared to enter a lion's cage and have trust in god to protect me is being irresponsible and foolish. As discussed earlier, in the part where we learnt to separate dangers from fears, it is our responsibility to understand and then use god's help to fulfill our purpose.

Steve Irwin's, the famous crocodile hunter of Discovery channel, purpose in was to show the world that animals are not what we humans think they are. They are not after you. He wished to protect animals from human slaughter arising from misunderstanding and to show the world the amazing beauty that exists in the natural world. It was to show the world that humans and animals could co-exist and depended on each other for survival.

I live in a Mumbai suburb. We have some snakes around. A few years back we had a case of snake bite and out of fear we killed any snake that we could lay our hands on. We managed to reduce the snake population to such an extent that rodents created a real menace. Now we know much more about snakes and have taken precautions to avoid snake bites. The natural equilibrium has taken over and harmony prevails.

To the "civilized" world, it is unthinkable to be living in a place where snakes live too. It's unfortunate that the so called civilized world has never learnt to live together with others, be they animals or humans. Animals are the easier ones to live with as they don't complicate things the way humans do. We know for sure that a snake will not bite us unless we get in it's way or harm it. Most snake bites occur in the dark as they have weak eyesight and can sometimes mistake our movement to be that of its prey and hence strike. Simply respect these rules and they are our friends. You can't lay down such clear rules for humans, can you?

Steve Irwin understood animals and wanted to show the world that they are part of us and that we could live in harmony with them. He understood that if we were to destroy one species after another, soon our own existence would be impossible. He confronted real dangers and overcame his fear for his passion.

I had to leave my job to become a teacher, pursue my passion, and used god's help to overcome my fear. I believe that my passion is god's gift to me and if I follow it, god will look after me and there is nothing to fear.

As seen in the goal setting part of this book, when we look inside and see what our purpose is, what gives us the most satisfaction and can cut through the clutter of our thoughts, we will be guided. Once we are given this gift and have talked to god, we can never doubt that he will take us through. After this point it is complete trust. No matter what it takes to fulfill your purpose, you just know you will be fine. Even if it needs to enter a lion's cage, you will learn how to do that and no fear will be able to hold you back.

Such faith can move mountains. You only need to have a glimpse at the lives of wild life photographers, conservationists, landmine clearers, Everest garbage cleaners, rescuers, and so on. These people have given their lives to their cause and put themselves in real danger to further their purpose. This is why they live. This is the purpose of their existence.

I don't know if you can find your purpose without this basic trust, the spiritual kind. It's what freedom is all about. Nirvana is no great super human state. It is simply finding your purpose and fearlessly walking on your path.

### Achieving personal glory

If you have ever wondered, why you have not achieved something that the world admires, why you are not recognized, then this part is for you. It will provide you insights that will reveal the reasons and what you need to do to receive the recognition for your work. Recognition is not a necessity for "doing what you like" but helps a lot. Reinforcement works for us and assuming that you have found your path to walk on, recognition will be the fuel that can keep you going.

When I was in junior college, I was at my most rebellious behaviour. They call it the age of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll and amongst us we had a huge appetite for all three. I had started drinking a quarter bottle of gin everyday. Every afternoon we would listen to hard rock music of Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin, The Doors and drink. I had started to experiment with other substances too, smoking a joint had become our fashion statement.

We were living life with not a care in the world. I had grown my hair long and inspired by the Woodstock music festival, dreamed of a life filled with nothing else but music and booze. I had quickly gained a reputation. In those days, we would be surprised if an elder in the neighbourhood would exchange a hello with us. We were the branded bad boys and girls of the neighbourhood.

I barely managed to clear my junior college. In my group, most failed and some just made it, I saw that others, my school friends had done very well and had gained admissions to medicine, engineering & information technology. I had done better than most of them in school.

Tora and I had played together since I can recall. She was not part of our boozing and music gang. She did not drink or smoke, she did not even enjoy the music that we adored. We spent our days apart, not just physically but even in our ways of life. If at all there is a case of opposites attract, it was us. Everyday, after music and booze I would, almost as a ritual, exercise, lift weights and then play football. In the evening, I would spend an hour with Tora.

This hour was so different than those of my day. We had many secret hideouts. We would take a bed sheet and go to our hide outs and spend the hour away from anyone else. To me it was like turning a key and locking the whole world outside, nothing mattered anymore. Invariably we would have a pack of ice-cream which we would polish off in a matter of seconds and then lie down under the sky. Our hide outs were open places - an open unused ground, an unlocked terrace, a school veranda or a fruit farm.

We always had a fondness for each other, like soul mates we were made for each other and we knew that. We must have spent a couple of years without either of us proposing or uttering those three magical words, actually we never proposed. As we spent more time together, we were sure that we were in love. We picked a random date and fixed that as our anniversary date - 1st September in 1988.

Slowly and subtly my life was changing, from not a care in the world to someone to care for. I just knew that life would never stay the same. Strangely, it felt better. I knew that I couldn't land up being an alcoholic or a drug addict. I had something to live for. Tora may not know but she was the single factor that changed the course of what could have been a wasted life – my life.

I had to change and the first thing to go would be what she hated the most. It had to be smoking. Though I did not smoke very often, I promised myself that I would quit smoking altogether. I have not smoked a cigarette since then.

I continued to drink and use some intoxicating substances until one by one I quit them all. Each was one decision. Decide and alcohol was out, decide and marijuana was out and so on. I quit all my habits that affected my health. I looked forward to live long.

You can never be sure that you have kicked a habit for good until you have revisited it and felt no craving for it. Today, I might still go to a rock show or smoke a joint. I know it would be a one off case and that it would be years before I feel like having one. The urge no longer controls me.

Most people struggle with lesser addictive substances like tea and coffee. New Year resolutions are made, every year resolutions are made only to be broken. It continues year after year. It is almost a fashion to make and break New Year resolutions.

It is very unlikely that I am any different from others of my group. Some of them have also managed to kick their habits while some are still trapped and in bad shape. It is very unlikely that any of us are different.

Adult learning is about changing your habits. We are habitual creatures. A quick look at our routines will confirm it. If we want to change, we will have to be masters at breaking our habits and barriers. We will have to be masters at achieving personal glory.

Our habits are our instinctive and natural responses to stimuli. To consciously change our instinctive responses to the same stimuli is the essence of learning.

I had a participant in one of my programs who was married for less than a year and was already having a troubled relationship. I asked him to describe in detail his daily routine. It went something like this. He would reach home in the evening at about 6:30 pm. He would first have the glass of milkshake which his wife keeps for him in the fridge. He would then switch on the television and search for something to watch. His wife would reach home at about 8:00 pm.

She would use her key open the door, say a Hi and go to the bedroom to change and then to the kitchen to heat up the food for dinner. They would eat together and normally go to bed together. Sex was rare. Morning was a rush to get to office on time. They would exchange a peck on the lips before parting.

This was the normal routine, they frequently had fights and on some rare days they would even be romantic.

This was heard by the group who gave many suggestions. Lock the door from inside and when she comes open the door and give her a warm hug. Let the kiss last for five more seconds. Order for a dessert with a message or make it. Have a movie day. Have more sex. Snuggle more often.

Each required a change of habit, each would help improve the relationship. Will he do any of it?

I have often told people and I also told him that if you think that you can do it and it will help your relationship, promise yourself that you will do such and such thing. However, before allowing any participant to make a life changing promise I always ask two questions. 1. Do you think you can do it? 2. Are you convinced that it's the right thing to do?

This participant wanted to implement all the suggestions. He really wanted to have a nice life for him and his sweetheart. I restricted him to two promises to begin with, adding one every month. He promised that when she comes back from work he will get up and give her a hug. He promised that he will hold her for five seconds before they separate for the day.

This was about two years back, I am still in touch. His wife called me after about six months of the program and thanked me for all I had done. It feels nice to see them happy together.

I know that I have done nothing, she was thanking me and I told her she should be thanking her husband. It was he who did everything. Very often, after attending the program, people do things that they have been putting off for long, very often they go back and improve their relationships, very often lives change. They give me the credit. It's a mistake. I should be thanking them for without such participants my dream to be an adult teacher would not have been fulfilled.

We have all heard that change is constant, everything changes over time. You have too. What you were a year back is not the same as what you are now, what you are now will not be the same as you would be tomorrow.

Obvious, isn't it? Apart from being younger or older, your thoughts and your beliefs are also changing. Like when I had started I did not believe I could start an institution that can increase profits and reduce stress in corporate life, now I do. Earlier rock music provided all the answers, now country and classical music does.

In the goal setting exercise I had promised that you will discover ways to control the way your beliefs get formed and be able to set the goals you want in life. We are entering into that critical phase in this book.

Private Victories.

To understand private victory we must understand spirals. Newton's law of inertia says that an object will continue to be in a state of motion unless acted upon by an external force. Let's assume 'change' is that object and it is in motion, as we know change is continuous.

When a child is born, its mind is free of any conditioning. Change starts happening. Let's say it is born in a poor family, in a poor area where making ends meet is a struggle. The child sees life as it is around him and change happens. His free mind now gets restricted by what he sees and what is possible. He sees people struggle, he sees the joy on people's face when someone close to them gets a job. He sees sadness in his mother's eyes when she is unable to provide him his needs.

Slowly his possibilities start reducing, his mind no longer believes that one day he will build a spacecraft and travel in space. He continues living and experiences life through school, the highest achievement seems to be good grades which fetch better paying jobs, failure seems to snatch even that. His mind no longer believes that he will have a huge palace to live in and a chauffeur driven car.

The free mind is loosing its freedom and believes that fewer things are possible.

This is a downward spiral. It is unavoidable as children are impressionable and beliefs will get formed.

The environment plays an important role as beliefs of children in different areas develop differently. Some children naturally believe that they will grow up and have cars. However no one is free from the downward spiral of losing possibilities. From the vast expanse of possibilities and choosing to become virtually anyone, the spiral would narrow down to just a few possibilities.

If allowed to spiral for a long time, just like how a paraglider gets locked in a spiral dive and the pilot then requires to overcome 3 to 4 g's to correct it before it hits the ground, people get locked and have no choice. Enormous effort is required to change the smallest aspect of their lives.

I see people stuck in the same job for over 35 years, hating it but doing the same thing over and over again, cribbing over the nature of things, waiting to die and I say to myself, that's a spiral dive in full bloom.

This is the change that will happen following Newton's law of inertia. However, Newton also said unless acted upon by an external force.

If you see the example closely and try to do a goal setting exercise for him, you will find that it changes from moment to moment.

If we do a goal setting exercise when the child is born, he would probably want to be as big as the universe and his mind to be one with god. Create planets and stars and travel between galaxies at the speed of thought.

May be at three, his dreams would still be big, growing up to have a great job, lots of money, family and children, villas, cars, etc

In college, maybe a decent job, small house, small car. By the time he is 25 years into his job, he would have no dreams left. His goals would have been appropriate to his present state of existence. His beliefs are governed by it.

Whenever and whatever the stage of the spiral, we can reverse it. Remember the story of one of the participants in my program, he was able to reverse the spiral in the first year of his marriage.

He wanted a happy and joyful marriage for himself and his sweetheart. I have seen couples, a little down the spiral who think, a happy marriage is like a castle in the air, one that does not exist. He could see the possibility of it happening and at that time was his self actualizing stage. He made two promises to himself and kept them. This is all that is required.

Making promises to yourself and keeping them is a private victory and the corner stone for any other achievements.

A simple act, like getting up each time his wife came back and hugging her opens up new possibilities. If I could do this, maybe I can do that too. Before others see you succeed, you need to see yourself succeed.

Making a promise and not keeping it is worse than not having made it in the first place, it makes you feel worse about yourself and unless you are a strong person you will find it difficult to deal with. Therefore I insist that people start with something that they can comfortably achieve.

One by one he could implement all the suggestions that the group had offered, all these have now become habits. This is no fairy tale, they still fight however he never forgets to hug her or kiss her for more than five seconds. He now talks of raising his relationship to being soul mates, experiencing each other and discovering new and unexplored natures. They see themselves as extremely lucky to have been given this chance to be with each other and want to make the most of it.

The spiral reversed.

Change is a constant, either you are spiraling down or spiraling up. To spiral up, you need to make promises to yourself and keep them. These promises will arise only when you think about what you want to be.

If you want to become a great cook, you need to promise to yourself that you will read cookery books. Experiment with recipes. Create a new dish every six months. If you make and keep these promises, you will change the situation you are in. once you change your situation, your beliefs about your possibilities will expand and you will see a new higher self. Your self actualizing image will change and new doors will open.

We are unlikely to reach anywhere close to the real possibilities that the mind possesses and thus anything we set the mind on is easily achieved. Our true nature is limitless but we think through our limited perception of body and mind, thus what we set our mind on is in reality a small thing compared to our limitless nature.

If you think about the extent of possibilities that a free mind without conditioning can conceive, it is like the vast expanse of the oceans compared to the stream of thoughts that the conditioned mind can conceive.

Therefore, we know that Impossible Is Nothing. Nike-"Just Do It." and Adidas-"Impossible Is Nothing", the fact of life is stated simply and clearly.

Hinduism and Buddhism have explained the law of Karma. To find your purpose which I call the higher self and to do work that takes you to your higher self is the essence of Karma. Purposeful (god's work through you) work, as a path leading to freedom!

So what does it take to achieve a private victory?

My way of stopping a habit or starting a new behaviour is to decide once and then forget about it. Change is immediate and never a long drawn process. People change in an instant. I decided to quit smoking and did, there is no need to think that it's been one day since I have left or two weeks or one year since I have left and so on.

Don't complicate things. Keep it simple. There is no struggle to maintain a resolution for one more day. Throw away all your cigarettes and never buy more as you don't smoke any more. Move away from people who smoke as secondary smoke is injurious to health. There, you have changed. So like Nike says – Just do it, I would like to say JUST DO IT.

Some blocks that people talk about are, how can they suddenly change behaviour, how can I suddenly one day start hugging my wife!!! To those people my answer is, don't ask me how, Just Do It.

Sure there will be a million reasons of why it cannot be done, isn't here always? Bury your fears, burn your inhibitions, fire your doubts and JUST DO IT.

Action or the good Karma (god's work through you) as the Hindus call it, will free you. Karma is seen as a cause and effect cycle and prevents mokhsha, however, when you let your actions do the work of god, its bliss. There is no accumulation of karma to keep you trapped.

### The Universe and I

_Remember the statement, if you want something bad enough, the universe will make it happen. To the logical minded people, I have a request. If you can't think anything but "how can this happen" then give your brains some rest and read this part_.

Our sense organs provide us with a perception which is a part of reality, part of the whole. We can see only a small portion of the broad spectrum of light, hear only a small portion of the spectrum of sound, feel only temperature and touch but not the changing weather like the animals can. Our perception of reality, at best, is partial. We can't even see too far. The perception we have is that of our selves and other things around us only through our sense organs or if I may call them our partial sense organs.

Tora and I have a peculiar way of sleeping. We sleep with my one leg between her legs, she backing me with my hand close to her heart. Very often, when my senses are blurred, while asleep or just before or after, I have difficulty differentiating my hands from hers or how my leg is placed or is this, my body or hers. These are glimpses that tell me that we are not different but one. Poets and romantic authors have written about it, almost anyone in love has experienced it.

Just maybe, we are one. Naasha and Kharmin, my daughters have also shared similar experiences. Maybe they are one too. After all they have been born from the same womb. At times when all of us are together, we all experience this feeling. Maybe, it's a family and we are somehow very closely connected. We might be the same.

On many occasions, when I have interacted with people, I have found that deep connection. Some people say that we just connected or we clicked right away. Close friends are often those who are almost us. They know all about us and we know all about them. We are just the same.

Colleagues are just friends waiting to happen. As long as you don't put a stop on this process, this can go on and on. We are all the same, we are all one.

The story of the blind men and the elephant clearly shows how a lack of a sensory organ affects our perception. Each blind man touching a certain part of the elephant is sure that the elephant is how he feels it to be. The tail is a rope and thus the elephant is like a rope, the man touching the legs is sure that it is like a tree and so on. Yet people with sight can clearly see that the elephant is none of what they think it is.

When we are looking at the universe, with all our sense organs, we are like blind men or worse. Even looking at our own planet is not possible unless we get into space and view it. When you look at it from space, you see a blue planet. I don't think you can see any boundaries between countries. For someone from another planet, it would look like one. Only if it looks closer can it see the different parts of the whole, the forests, the mountains, the oceans, etc.

If you have seen the African wilder beast, you see a herd that is miles long. You see it move as a herd, if you look close you will find the individual beast. We usually refer to the herd and study its movements with the change in seasons. We do not see them as individuals but as one whole.

Similarly an alien would see the human race as one whole. It will see the things that we do as a whole. It will say that the human race has built large cities or destroyed the planet's ecosystem. For him, we are one whole. This whole planet would be seen as one whole. With that kind of perception, is it possible that all of us humans are really one large whole?

We all have our bodies, with all its different parts, hands, legs, heart, lungs and brain. Separate from each other. We have a brain but do we have a separate mind. What makes our brain work?

Gone with the Wind is a classic novel, where the author describes the glory that people saw to fight in a war, waiting for a war to happen so they could fight the enemy. So many different brains but thinking the same. It is not possible that if they were all separate beings, their brains would work in the same way as to make them want war. There is just one mind.

Going to war is no longer glorified at the moment it is something to do as the last resort or to prove a point. There could be causes too but it is surely not something that anyone looks forward too. Between these two, the mind has changed.

Tomorrow it could be the most shameful thing to do and your brains will work likewise.

Before Einstein gave his theory relating mass and energy, the brain could not comprehend the fact. What we do, the way we behave, what is right or wrong is all the doing of the mind.

It sometimes looks as if the mind is nothing but accumulation of knowledge. All that we know of makes us behave in a particular way. It could also be an indication that we are all actually one. Just like grains of sand that make up a beach.

We have also seen the impact that people like Einstein, Christ, Hitler have made on this mind. It is obvious that it changes from time to time.

I would like to describe the mind as something that exists forever, like a flux that changes its shape with the forces around it. It largely controls what we think and do. Most importantly, each person has a mind of its own through which it can alter the shape of the mind. This makes us the script writers and just like we have changed from glorifying the war to accepting it as the necessary evil, we can change the mind. This change has made all of us more favourable to peace.

Mahatma Gandhi made a great contribution to the mind.

The mind is one. All of us will not be able to operate without the mind therefore if we take an analogy of our brain which controls the different parts of the body and consider that to be the whole me, we can see that it is actually the one mind as the brain and all of us as the different parts of that whole me. This makes me see that I am all there is to be. The entire universe is me and I am the whole universe. Just like your hand is you and you are your hand, there is no separation.

If you believe this to be true, you will realize that nothing is or can exist in isolation. At present I am at the Kanha National Park, currently the park boasts of having 130 of the rare Bengal tigers. In this forest you would see the delicate balance of one species on the other. The environment cannot be too conducive to the big cats and if the environment supports them and makes life easy for them, they would flourish only for a short time. It is as difficult for the tiger to survive as it is for the Sambar, its favourite food. It cannot be any other way.

As a conscious step, the park authorities do not interfere in the ways of the forest. As park officials, it is very tempting to nurse an injured tiger and avoid his death. It is tempting to somehow avoid tigers fighting with each other, to make it easier for the animals to flourish. Any such interference would only cause an imbalance and endanger all species. If we help the tiger, the deer would suffer, if we help the deer, the grass would suffer, if we help the grass and the trees any further they would take over the meadows and make it difficult for the carnivores to hunt. The animals are in perfect harmony with nature. There are just about enough carnivores to keep the herbivore from destroying the forest, just enough forest to let them co-exist. They blend into nature and alter it as little as possible. They probably know that it's best for them.

On the other hand, humans have a tendency to have high impact on nature and tend to alter it as much as they can. The only reason that the Amazon forest, the Malaysian rain forest, the rivers and oceans exist is that it is a little difficult to use them up. The difference between animals and humans is that we use up everything and the animals leave everything back.

Just like any imbalance in the forest towards any creature would become its eventual grave, like conditions favouring the deer would make deer flourish till there are so many of them that there is no food left. So it is for us humans, we have made conditions for humans to exist on this planet favourable to the extent that it's taking us to our grave. We are just talking about sustainable development, not to alter the environment, climatic changes and so on. The fact is that we have not yet understood that we are all one.

It is possible that animals, plants and every other living or non-living entity, through some sense perception realize that they are part of one whole and live accordingly. Killing but no greed, food but no obesity, procreation but no over population, death but little sorrow, it is an enlightened existence.

Humans have not yet learnt to co-exist. With all that we think we know, all our thinking about being the superior beings on this planet, we have only managed to destroy what was given to us. Not just with nature and animals, we have yet to learn to co-exist within ourselves. We have created such separations that we have fights between countries, between states, between religions, between communities, between corporations, between teams of one corporation, between people in the same team, between colleagues, between friends, between families, between spouses and as if that's not enough, they keep fighting with themselves with the so called life struggles. In all our pursuit of knowledge and making this planet human friendly, have we missed the point.

Although we would refuse any reference to such a thought, it looks like we are the least aware and thus least intelligent amongst all the creatures. Barring a few humans, few can even think in terms of oneness.

Humans who have felt the oneness have influenced the mind and are still influencing it. At this moment it looks like the mind is that of separation, it will take a while but it can change as we have seen it happen in the past. If and when such a change in the mind happens, there will be a larger awareness and we might look at our role in this whole universe differently.

Masters of meditation have described it time and again. They seem to have got rid of jealousy, greed, urgency, anger and all negative emotions which arise from the perception of separateness. I have seen that my feelings of fear, jealousy, anger reduce as I see others as a part of me, as one. With these gone, I have been able to help my colleagues, my friends, family, my participants and others. I have been able to freely help my peers to achieve success without thinking that it will affect my own chances of progress. I have also seen that my career and monetary benefits have greatly enhanced since I have been able to see that oneness among myself and others.

John Lennon of the Beatles said, imagine a world without boundaries, a brotherhood of man, no reason to fight, nothing to die for, living in peace. To be one of the best songwriters ever, he would have known more. Maybe he knew that we are all one.

### People around you

Private Victories are followed by public victories giving you all the recognition you deserve and more. People around me are all there to lead me towards my calling, some encouraging, some critical, some arrogant and some nurturing but all of them are there to teach or help me to mould myself towards my calling. People around me exist for a purpose.

Have you ever looked at people around you, your friend circle or your colleagues? When I see my workmates or my friends, I find that we all belong to a certain set of people. People who don't fit in are not part of our group. You will generally have groups of people with similar age, work ethics, ideas of fun and ways of dressing. How many people in your group are of a very different age? If you take your career very seriously, how many people in your group don't care about their career? If you are not the type to cheat your spouse, how many of your friends openly flirt around?

Like we saw in the part where we discussed the game on trust, trust begets trust and distrust begets distrust, our surrounding is a mirror of who we are. If we are trusting we have people all around us who trust us.

We attract people just like us and repel people not like us. During my stay at Kanha, I met the owner of the hotel and his manager. The manager was a local man who had grown up in the forest and it did not lure him while his owner was passionate about wildlife and that's why he had set up this hotel. I easily connected with the owner but could not connect with the manager. He was so unlike me that I could not see myself as him. The separateness was too much to connect.

I ran out of money and requested the manager to help me as I was still keen to make a few visits into the forest. He provided no solution and bluntly told me that with the money I have only one visit is possible. When the owner found out, he simply put me on a vehicle that some other guests were taking, as a guide from the hotel. He offered his own vehicle to reduce my cost and make it possible. He also offered money which I could return when I reached home. It was easily possible and yet the manager did not do it for me.

When I keep myself separate from another person, I remove the possibility of any help coming from that person.

Coming back to people around us, the owner is one of the people around me while the manager is not. Not because he helped me, that happened later, it's because he was like me and I felt no separateness from him. The help was a result of that connection.

This is the reason we find, all the monks in one place, all the most competitive people in one organization, all social workers in NGOs, all the best team players in one team, all the politicians in the parliament.

All the people around you are there because you have managed to overcome a certain amount of separateness between yourself and them, it's easily done with people like you and needs an enlightened mind of your own to overcome the separateness with people not like you.

The realization of the oneness of existence gives you the power to overcome the separateness between you and anything else. Till then believe me, people around you are just like you.

To add to the problems of our limited perception, the fact that people around you are just like you blurs our perception even further. Let's take a case of a suspicious person. He will come across people who are suspicious and those who are not. He will be suspicious of both, he will be better equipped to understand the behaviour of the suspicious ones but will be completely baffled by the behaviour of the trusting ones making him even more suspicious of the trusting ones. He will not make the trusting ones part of his group. All the suspicious ones would be part of his group as at least he understands them. He forms a group of suspicious people.

This suspicious group, view all that happens around them with a suspicious filter and no matter how clean everyone is, they will find some reason that proves that you need to be suspicious of everyone around. There is no place for trust in their world.

Whatever you look for, you will find it. If a suspicious wife/husband looks out for things her/his husband/wife hides from her/him, she/he will find some. On finding some, she/he will quickly assume that there would be lots more that she/he doesn't know and assumes the worst.

For suspicious people, it becomes a suspicious world that they are living in.

Let's take the case of people who are very high on trust. Naasha, my daughter is trust personified. Like her, many children naturally trust. She is so good at making friends that sometimes I envy her. She would simply walk up to anyone around her age and ask if he or she would be friends with her. Few children refuse such an invitation and start playing. For her, it does not matter if they are the same as her or poles apart. They could be dressed in rags for all she cares. She will still want to play with them.

Children are therefore surrounded by people who will take care of them. They simply trust you to take care of them. I have often seen people run to save a falling child. We can't just sit there. We will react if we see a child about to fall. This complete trust that children put in us makes us feel so good, we love to hold them in our arms and play with them. Of course, some people are scared of that too.

Just like suspicious people, people high on trust also receive the same input. He will also come across the same people. The only difference is that if he comes across suspicious behaviour he will give the person the benefit of doubt. Even if someone betrays his trust, he thinks that there would be a very compelling reason and thus makes an exception. It's just not his nature to distrust people.

People around him return his trust as we know that trust begets trust. He is surrounded by people who trust him. His is a trustworthy world.

It is no wonder that different people describe their world differently, as if we were living on separate planets. Some worlds are full of infidelity, some, full of devotion, some worlds have ghosts and evil spirits, while some don't even have a god.

As an adult teacher, I have had the opportunity to see many participants and their worlds through their eyes. When they come to me, their world is intruded. They would scream and shout, they would shiver in fear as their world seems to be falling apart. They will not be allowed to filter out the information that is coming to them and thus will be made to see what they have conveniently not seen all their lives. They will see that after all there are many people that can be blindly trusted. Once they see what they have never seen or have forgotten what they had seen, the seed of change has been sown.

I have seen fast change. Contrary to popular belief, it does not take long to begin to trust people. One moment is enough. People realize what they were doing and instantly decide to trust their colleagues. Once that happens, it is only a matter of time that their whole world changes.

Buddhism says that the world is only a reflection of yourself and no matter where you go, your world can never change. Your world will change only if you do.

This understanding tells us who and why these people are around us.

I have a cook who used to work at my neighbour's house too. She would have been working there for about four years when one day she came to my house cribbing about how badly they treated her. I asked her what she meant, did they hit her or made her do menial tasks. I was curious to know exactly what was she was talking about. I knew my neighbours and did not believe that they could behave badly. My cook did not have a clear idea of what was troubling her. She then told me of one incident where she had walked in when some of their jewelry was kept on the bed. She described how they quickly picked it up as if a dacoit had entered their home. She then told me of many instances where they were quick to put away cash, watches and precious items.

She did not tell me that she was sacked and accused of stealing. This I found out later and she confessed to stealing. She asked "how couldn't I?" Anyway they had concluded that I steal everyday. This same person has been with us for ten years, six of them post the incident. She has never stolen from our house. In fact none of our house helps have ever stolen anything. Same person in my world is completely trustworthy and has never broken that trust, while in another world, has stolen and proven that she cannot be trusted.

Apart from people like us surrounding us, people not like us also respond like those of our world. Like in a trustworthy world, same in the distrustful world. Even people usually high on trust would have difficulty trusting in Afghanistan. It would take men of immense strength, the likes of Jesus Christ or Mahatma Gandhi to achieve such a feat.

If we don't like the world we are living in, no point in shouting about it as it is we who have created it. We can create or change our worlds, easily, effectively and quickly.

There was once a man who told me that I can take my trust and go to hell. He had trusted his wife and she slept with his biggest client. He had really never doubted her. She had really betrayed his trust. He never used to call on her to check where she was, he had never asked friends to keep an eye on her, none of the subtle insecurities existed. He had believed in what I was saying until his wife betrayed him. Now he sees it as crap, only things that are good to hear.

I could not tell him anything but to have faith in god and continue his trust in her. I told him to tell his wife that he still loves her and hopes that it was one stray incident and it would not happen again.

Later, I had the opportunity to talk to his wife. I had called him to see if he was alright and she happened to pick up the phone. On hearing who it was, she started to cry. She told me there is nothing in this world that makes you feel worse. It was the worst feeling of her life to see that someone whose trust she had broken still trusts her. She swore that she would die before doing such a thing again. Before he came to the phone, my eyes had swelled up and I hung up. I no longer had any need to find out how he was.

We have long underestimated the strength of trust. I am slowly realizing that it is extremely difficult to break trust. It's far worse for the person who breaks trust than for the one whose trust is broken.

I met a rather successful person who was known to meet stretched targets. All through his career he had been a go getter, one who would leave no stone unturned to achieve results, he was highly successful, highly sought after by competing companies and had a reputation in the market. He was in an enviable situation by any standards. He would put down his terms and the employer would agree. He had the options of working from home, hiring his own team with no questions asked, entertainment allowance more than the salaries of some of his peers. He was given the best perks in the industry.

When I met him he came across as extremely confident and a man on a mission. His mission was to make more money for his employer than anyone else in the organization. He shared his mission with clarity and pride. This had brought him so much success that it surely looked as the way to live life. Just to be sure if it was his calling, I asked him if this mission in life was bringing him and people around him joy and happiness.

When a person pursues something with such single mindedness, he is either following his true calling or has mistaken something as his true calling. If he has mistaken something else as his true calling, it will not fit into the larger picture and other areas in his life are likely to suffer. To achieve success in all aspects of life, the purpose of living is very important. Knowing that his mistaken purpose was to make as much money as possible, I was sure that he would have skeletons in his closet. I did not have to dig too deep as my next question revealed a broken marriage, separation of family and working till mid night as there was no one in the house to go back too.

Post his marriage he had had many women in his life, they were attracted to his passion to succeed, his zeal for work. The attraction did not seem to last as long as he would have liked it to.

Within about 30 minutes of our conversation, I suggested to him that his whole life was a waste and he has been used by his employers to make money for them. This was the exact opposite of what he believed. He believed that he was calling the shots and the employer was obliging. I slowly probed into the compromises that he would have made to reach his targets, family promises broken, organizational rules bended, competitors fooled. Slowly suggesting the compromises he had made with his conscience.

He had broken the trust of his family, his colleagues and no longer could he hear what his conscience was telling him. I told him that if the organizations he worked for made him do all these things, would it be to too harsh to say that he was being used. He was a broken man, he had nothing. His wife had married and his children had a world of their own. There was no place for him in it. To hide his losses he had focused his attention on the very thing that was the reasons for his losses.

The people whose trust he had broken had moved on and were living happier lives, when their trust was broken they were hurt but could move on to create happier lives. This man was the one who broke their trust, the man in his mirror will taunt him forever. It is a bad feeling to know that you have broken someone's trust.

He brought in several changes in his life, but alas it was too late, death came knocking too soon. He died with a huge bank balance.

His world was money. People around him were all focused on making money. The more money you make the better you are, this is the belief that was prevalent in his world. Surely this was not the only world but it was the only one he had got.

These are few examples of different lives that people live and the different worlds that they live in. These worlds can be at different ends of the spectrum, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Cambodia are worlds apart from Austria, Switzerland and Canada. Between extremes there are many subtle variations. Each life is lived in one of the subtle variants of the worlds, each different and yet the same.

These subtle variations can be termed as transient worlds. If a person is born in a war torn troubled place, he is bound to be at one end of the spectrum. His world would be extreme. Even in places like these, there would be subtle variations. Some lives would be extreme while some a little less. Some see no hope at all while others are full of hope.

Transient worlds are worlds which are different from the worlds that surround them. These worlds do not last forever but are change agents. Either the hopefuls will create a lot of hope or start losing the hope that they had. Transient worlds have limited life spans.

The ones with hope create transient worlds. Their hope helps them to find ways, even in extreme worlds, to other realities. Many of them have created safe avenues for schools within the country or have been peace ambassadors. Some have dedicated their lives to care for the wounded creating a very different world for themselves.

Some leave the world to begin a fresh one elsewhere. The transient worlds help them to create new ones. In the true story novel, "Not without my daughter", the mother hangs on to hope, trust's people in a land where she can't trust her own husband, creating a small transient world of three people. A world where people wanted to help, people risked their lives to save other people. Opposite of the world they lived in, where no one cared for anyone else.

The world we live in is created through coincidences, synchronicities, laws that we have not uncovered yet. However it is created, it seems to reflect exactly the beliefs of the person living in it making it extremely difficult for the person to question his beliefs. Just like we can't see our own planet, we need to get out of it to see it, we need to get out of our worlds and see worlds of other people. There is in reality, as many possibilities as there are people on this planet.

When we see worlds of other people, we might enter a transient world and create a new one for ourselves.

I have been able to merge my interests and hobbies into a very fulfilling career. In my world there are no Monday morning blues, work is not just fun but a source of satisfaction, joy and happiness. Only a few years ago, I was working just like most of my participants. I frequently describe my transition to people, my fears and emotions, my self doubts at the time of the transition. As I am just like them, they would also face the same fears and emotions. When people see other lives, they see possibilities, if they see possibilities, they see hope, if there is hope there will be a transient world, if there is a transient world, it's only a matter of time that their world will change.

Fortunately, we don't have to go around creating our own world. Our world gets created automatically, we are not even sure of the forces at play that create our world. Why we are living in a certain place, why we are doing a certain job, why the people around us are these and not those, I do not know. This makes our job simpler. If I want to have helping people around me, to make my world a place in which people help each other, support each other and live like brothers, I don't have to go searching for these people all around the planet. I simply have to be a helping kind.

Simply be and let the universe take over.

### Forming your team

In the previous part, we saw that everyone around us is for a purpose. Its part of the guiding force, that moulds, nurtures and teaches. While we acknowledge the contribution they make, they may not all, be part of your team. While this would seems like a separation into US and THEM, it is necessarily not so. While pursuing your calling, you might perceive that a few others who are pursuing their calling are contradicting or neutralizing your effort. In the wholeness of things, this perception of duality is possible and it's best to be amongst people who compliment your calling rather than contradict. This is what forming your team is about. In the wholeness of existence, contradictions are only exhibitions of lack of knowledge as every calling fits in and has a place in the grand plan. There are no contradictions amongst people who are pursuing their calling.

Today's corporate man is physically unfit. He suffers from lack of exercise and stress on the job. Invariably he finds it difficult to climb the stairs if the lift is not functioning. There is a spurt of gymnasiums with treadmills and cycles promising fitness and shape. They seem to have little effect as the overall health of the executive continues to be poor.

With this condition, a trek becomes an excellent tool. When people are tired to the core, all guards are down and the strength of character comes to the fore. On a long trek, eventually everyone is very tired and needs help at different points of time.

Trekking as an outbound tool for building teams is an established method. However this trek to Kalsubai taught me more.

Kalsubai, the highest peak in the Sahayadri range in Western India is about 5400 ft high. Starting at the base which is about 2000 ft above sea level it is a formidable challenge for the corporate man.

We decide to leave from our hotel at 0630 hrs. The next morning, I find that only about four people are ready at 0630 hrs. Some were awake and getting dressed while some were actually sleeping. We woke them and pushed the others to speed up and get ready, by the time we left it was 0730 hrs.

We reached the start of the trek at about 0800 hrs and started walking. There were many in the group who were trekking for the first time. Some were excited at the prospect of being on the top of a high mountain, while some did not see the point of doing it. The trek passes a temple which is about 1/5th of the way and five people decided they had enough and would wait there till the group came back. At this point I checked if they were sure that they wanted to give up. We had hardly walked so it was not about being tired or exhausted, they saw no meaning and felt it stupid to climb a mountain.

The rest of us continued. Soon we had people complaining of knee problems, back problems, asthma and all the diseases that they had forgotten they had. Every now and then I would ask them if they have decided to give up. We continued for another hour when three more people decide to give up. By this time we had climbed 1/4th of the mountain.

We were having fitter looking people dropping out and the fat and old were pushing on. We continued walking for what seemed like an eternity, careful with each step and navigating each dangerous part. Whenever we turned a bend we would see an even longer stretch, whenever we reached a plateau, an even higher mountain appeared in the distance. This group continued for three hours and completed 4/5th of the mountain. At every turn and at every plateau, some would decide that they have had enough, just then someone else would have regained some strength and would urge them to go just a little further, it was always just the next turn, just the next small climb.

After about five hours, when we crossed four to five ladders, several rocky patches and steep muddy paths, we reached a plateau. We could not see any further as we were covered in mist. There was no way to find out how far the peak was. At this point three more decided to give up. Again I checked with them if they were sure, I offered all the help possible, even to carry them to the top. They had given up.

For the next two hours we walked, we had no idea how far we were as the mist would not let us see the peak. The knees were wobbling, muscles in the thighs got stiff, ankles were twisted and people could not walk straight because of stomach cramps. And yet there was no mention of giving up. We walked, lending a hand at times and being helped in return, step by step we reached above the mist.

Once clear of the mist, we could see the peak for the first time, still a fair distance away. I saw two people just walk away from the group at the constant pace and did not pause till they reached the peak. Something came over them when they saw the top of the mountain. We mountaineers call it reverse gravity and it pulls you to the top. The rest were continuing only on an attitude of never say die.

After seven and a half hours of grueling hard work, twenty nine corporate people were on top of Mount Kalsubai, each one basking in the glory of having achieved the unthinkable, basking in a view of a life time. None of the ones that reached the top questioned the meaning of the task. This was a great personal triumph and the start of some beautiful relationships.

Later reflecting on what made this trek an outstanding success and the leadership style I adopted, I found some interesting insights.

No matter what the task, there will be some people who do not see the meaning in doing it. A sensitive leader will see it and not force them to do it. If I would have forced them along, they would have de-motivated many more and fewer people would have had, as they described, the best experience of their lives.

People who reach the top are not the ones that are the fittest, not the ones with the least physical problems. People with wobbly knees and asthma reached the top. They were the ones who decided not to give up. People decide to give up for no particular reason. A leader understands that people give up for no particular reason and it is not worth probing the reasons. Leaders cannot help people who have given up. They must focus all their energies on people who have not given up and help them achieve success.

Once the goal is sighted people will reach it. Some will find renewed energy, sometimes called the second breath, some will overcome any hardship and some will keep walking. At this point it is difficult to stop people. A leader understands these moments as sometimes self destructive and will need to stop people for their own good. Having led them through an extreme emotional and physical turmoil, it takes a leader with a huge heart and pure caring for his people to be able to stop them just below the summit.

Many people have died on Mt. Everest because they could not stop themselves a few meters below the summit. Their leaders were unable to turn them around. In the famous tragedy in which the world's two great climbers lost their lives, one of them died as he could not stop a fellow climber. Rob Hall was on his way down when he meets another climber who is still climbing on in spite of the killer storm. All his persuasion fails to turn him around. Letting him continue on his own would have meant certain death. Accompanying him would mean putting himself in the greatest danger ever. He chose to climb with the fellow climber and died on the mountain.

Leaders often lead people and show them the goal, many are able to do this but few are able to stop their people when the goal becomes the cause of their destruction.

The man who kept achieving all his stretched targets would have lived longer and happier if he had met a leader who could stop him from his self destructive goal.

While this trek awarded great personal victories, it also proved that we could not have done this alone, by ourselves. We needed everyone around to achieve what we did. Surely larger victories are in store for us if we work together.

Leadership, once again comes down to a deep caring for people, pushing them so that they can achieve great results for themselves. For their own good, when it's pushing them beyond their own limits or when it comes to stopping them from self destruction. Often, leaders push people beyond their limits which is usually successful, people grow with such leaders, however burn out is high. Sustained high performance will be achieved when leaders are mature enough to sense a burn out, sense that their people are killing themselves, they will be better equipped to push when required.

I have played soccer for over 20 years. It is easy for me to see why soccer is the world's favourite game. It has been a source of some magical moments and immense satisfaction. Of all the games, levels and different teams that I have played for, the best were surely the ones I played for my colony.

Our team was not one of the most talented, if I were to rate our team I would rate it to be 8th to 10th. To win any tournament we would need to beat three teams which were clearly better than us. We did this three times.

For people who have played soccer, they would know how difficult it is to beat three better teams in a row, for others the odds of our win was 1 to 30. Something like South Korea winning the soccer world cup, unthinkable.

I remember not just the goals, the games but even the preparation before the games. We would all meet and work on who will do what, how we will position ourselves, etc. We had three options for every move. I would indicate which move we should play and each one knew where to run and how to expect the ball.

What it did for us was that every time we had the ball, we would be on fire. The excitement of making the right choice of moves, seeing our opponents baffled with our flow. There was no hesitation and we played to plan, kept it simple.

Our first tough match of the tournament was against a team we had never beaten. It was during the quarter-final that we got our first chance, five minutes into the match. We played one of our pre-decided moves and scored. Our opponents were surprised. Their body language showed they thought it was a fluke and they had lots of time to get even and move ahead.

They came back with a vengeance and we played hard to hold on to the lead, almost all through the first half. Towards the end of the first half, we had a counter attack and scored. The half ended with us leading 2-0.

The second half also presented an early opportunity which we converted to extend our lead to 3-0. This time we saw a clear change in their body language, shoulders sagged and they were no longer the unbeatable team that we knew. We won 5-1.

We beat the other two teams as convincingly to win the tournament, shocking the whole of our soccer community. Right through this tournament and others, I have experienced moments in which I could perform way beyond my limits. My teammates also speak about the moments they experienced, those unbelievable, unforgettable moments.

On reflection, it was only these moments that helped us win. Most of these were brief moments when everything went right, one that I just cannot forget was over an extended period of time. It was the semifinal of one tournament where we found ourselves down by three goals. The second half started when I got into flow. My passes, my anticipation and shots were going accurate to the inch.

Suddenly I was all over the ground and creating some scary moments for our opponents. It took ten minutes to score our first goal. It was a dribble through three defenders and a kick into the right top corner of the goal. The game was thought to be over by most and the goal received a loud applause as a saving grace. I was not thinking about winning the game, I was just enjoying playing.

At this time one of our players, who I have played with for the longest length of time paired up with me and together we were attacking like never before. The next goal came when I trapped a crossed ball, flicked it over a defender and again kicked it into the top corner, much like the famed "Pele goal". This got everyone in the stands on their feet.

Within a few minutes we got our third goal through a corner kick headed in by my teammate to level scores. We eventually lost the match 3-4. This was the first time I had experienced a special span of time instead of special moments.

It is simply amazing to be in those moments. Once having experienced them, I crave to create more of them. This craving, as I learnt later is the very cause of not having these experiences.

Apart from soccer, I have had these moments of flow, as some call it, while paragliding, reading a book, conducting a workshop or a meeting, completing a project, brainstorming for ideas, playing bridge, swimming across a lake, virtually when doing anything.

I have found that the presence of these moments indicate the existence of a great team. The conditions required for these moments to emerge are exactly the same that make great teams. These are the same conditions that enable people with lesser capabilities to combine and create a force that can overcome huge obstacles.

What are these conditions that create flow, great teams? Can we replicate and enter flow states often? Can we stay in flow states as we live?

Amazingly the answer to these questions is yes. Frankly, some of my first flow experiences were accidents. It took a lot of introspection to understand my blocks that stopped me from being in flow states more often. After the first few moments I had developed a craving to experience these moments again. I had a long period where I could not experience the flow.

Let's explore.

When I tell you "don't think of a pink elephant", the first thing you think of is a pink elephant. Flow is something like this. If you are trying to enter a state of flow, you are actually trying not to think of the pink elephant.

Why does the pink elephant appear in your thoughts and why do we not enter a flow state by trying. If you look closely, these are things that you cannot focus on. If you focus on them, you get the opposite of the desired outcome. When I realized that my very focus on it was blocking me from experiencing it, I decided not to focus on it. This was impossible. Whenever I tried not to think about it, a huge pink elephant would start dancing before my eyes. The animal had become very nasty and I wanted to grab it and throw it out of my window, to add to my woes it simply played hide and seek with me.

While I was struggling, I had another flow. This time it was while conducting a program on teamwork. My mind was clear. I could see what the team lacked and could make the precise intervention to raise the team to higher levels of performance. For the group it was a powerful and unforgettable experience. I knew I had hit the flow again.

On that day I sat by the lake, under the starry skies, away from every one, watching some shooting stars. Not talking to anyone and enjoying the peaceful night. Slowly I could attain a quiet within myself, I had stopped talking to myself too. I was simply sitting, actually lying on my back. My thoughts were not racing as to how I can make the program more effective, it already was my most effective program. I was satisfied and was not preoccupied and I was enjoying.

I was beginning to understand the dynamics of entering flow. As the night progressed I had a feeling of being on the brink of entering flow, a feeling of being one with the starry sky, I could predict the part of the sky in which I would be seeing a shooting star. I would watch one part of the sky for ten minutes and sure enough I would see a shooting star. Constellations were clearly visible. I could see even the fainter ones which had been elusive so far. I got so involved in the moment that I entered flow.

I wore a life jacket and entered the water and floated, watching the stars go by. In that night I saw Saturn and Jupiter rise and set, the major Ursa taking its scoop around the Pole Star and the light fading and then dawning. It was six in the morning when I went back, watching some beautiful birds, the colours of which seemed brighter than I was used to seeing.

I was not tired from lack of sleep. I was fresh from the experience. I met some participants sitting on the verandah having coffee. They thought I had gone for a morning walk. Not only did the night provide one of my most memorable moments but also gave me a priceless insight on how to enter flow. I was blessed.

Like most insights, it's simple, involvement to the point that nothing else matters. All my experiences of flow had this quality. Playing football, just playing like nothing else matters, winning or loosing, praise or criticism, scoring or not, passing to good players or not so good ones. While flying, just flying, no thoughts of how long the flight will last, where will I land, where are the others, how well are they doing, nothing matters. While conducting a program on teamwork, only taking the team to higher levels of performance, how to say things, how people will feel, what will happen just don't matter.

This level of involvement is possible in anything that you like doing or holds your interest. I have found it easy to enter flow states while doing the things that I like doing and rarely do I enter flow states while doing other things, having said that, I have enough experiences of flow to be convinced that it's possible to achieve a high level of involvement in anything that we do.

If I have to advise people on a way to live life, I would say, choose to do something that you like to do, have the courage and a belief that it will sustain you and keep you alive. This is the path to flourish and flow. If you are stuck doing something you don't like and do not have the courage to change your life, increase the involvement in whatever you do. Even proof reading legal documents can be extremely involving when you discover mistakes which would change meanings of the intended document. Spotting and preventing such mistakes can be extremely fulfilling. What looks like the most boring work to many can be a source of flow to the highly involved worker.

Creating the highly involved worker:

An organization that I worked with had designed an individual development plan (IDP) sheet for their employees. The first block of the IDP sheet was the question, what would you like to do in this organization. A highly developed structure revolves around what the employee wants to do, it identifies gaps between what is and what is required to be done for what the employee wants to do, it tells what training needs to be undertaken, what the measures for progress would be.

The organization is a multi billion dollar company and knows that the best way to motivate employees is to allow them to "do what **they** like...."

The workshop conducted for them revolved around discovering connections between the work they do and its impact on the organization's performance. The only brief that I got was to help them seek meaning in what they are doing. We established connections between a data entry operator to a quality control manager to an accountant to a security officer, to the profits to the salaries to the families to the share holders to the hotel we were conducting the program to everything around. Soon a deeper meaning emerged for the work they were doing, some found more meaning in some other work and were encouraged to move towards that work.

We re-wrote IDP's, re-wrote processes, many returned with a whole new meaning for the work they were doing and a few had found what they would really like to do. No wonder they are making billions of dollars, they live by "do what you like......"

Finding meaning is the key to high involvement. In my job as an Industrial Relations Manager, we transformed a INR 600 million loss into a 70 million profit in the course of twelve months, only by helping people find meaning to the work they were doing and the inter linkages. I would get competitors data, profits, sales, quality, salaries find a connection and then slowly connect them to our company and to the jobs, to their lives and to their present situation. I would then say that simply because we had not told you the importance of your work, it's natural to take things casually. Then we would ask them how this knowledge is going to change them and their approach towards work and they would set their own high standards.

We would then paint a picture, beginning with the new standards and they would see how their new reality would be. They would find meaning to the work they do.

In the book "In search of meaning" the author describes the power of meaning in a person's life. In a concentration camp during the Second World War, the only difference between the survivors and the dead was that the survivors had a strong sense of meaning. They had a purpose and ways for survival followed. Some survived to ensure that a loved one was not harmed, they guided others, some survived for revenge, some wrote a book to help people understand life, it did not matter what they had found as long as they had found a meaning and that's what kept them alive.

The ones that could not see any meaning in their suffering would simply get fed up and do something stupid to attract attention and a bullet. They would also become useless for the Nazis and thus would make it easy for them to kill. In the most treacherous of circumstances that mankind has ever been put through, it was meaning that helped people survive.

It's the life force that makes life worth living. Help people discover it, they will pursue it, they will be happier and prosperity will follow.

### Leadership

If you have been baffled or have marveled at how leaders can have so many people working for them, so many who trust them blindly, this part will throw some light on how it happens and how you can make it happen. While showing you how you can be a leader, it also points out the lacuna of the current leaders of the world with the hope of creating a better world through better leadership. You will discover the source of power and force that will enable you to be a leader.

Leadership is possibly the most written about subject, yet the most mysterious and elusive. None of our leaders seem to have what it takes to be an ideal leader. Our bosses, our CEO's, our politicians seem to lack in one area or another. I guess that a perfect leader is not meant to exist. While most of our leaders excel in some areas they severely lack in other areas, thus doing great work in one area, while actually neutralizing all the benefits of the good work by making blunders in other areas.

I recently heard an interview of a Brazilian leader who has been the lead artist for the development of his country. He has been responsible for the economic progress of a struggling country. Following his passion for making Brazil a developed country he does not care if he destroys the country's rainforest in the bargain. In response to international pressure against such a path towards progress, he says that if the world wants to preserve the rainforest, they will have to pay for it. He argues that every nation which is prosperous has used the resources that were available within their country and why should Brazil suffer when it can do the same to achieve economic development.

Leaders are men on a mission, there cannot be a leader who does not know what he is after. Be it warriors or businessmen, family heads or country heads, if they are leaders, then they want to do something, something that they are sure about, something that they believe is beneficial to them and their people.

While I am writing this, I am sitting on the banks of the river, Ganga at a place called Kodyala. In front of me is the flowing river in all its might, snaking its way through the towering mountains surrounding it. While I sit here, I reflect on the kind of person I am, what are the unshakable mountains in my life, what do I stand for, what are my beliefs, assumptions and habits, are these having landslides and creating pain like the landslides on the mountain in front of me? Am I standing tall or am I just standing while the river is moving on? Is the river moving on to where it wants to go or is it a wavering mind that simply is being pushed around? What kind of a leader am I? Am I also making a serious error? How would I know?

I just completed a program on leadership for the country's largest media house in which we compared ourselves to a mountain and a river, mountains being the part of ourselves that is firm and hard. Most people had many mountains, they were in the form of "we have to do things" like go to office everyday, we cannot leave our job and do something else, cannot take any chances as I am burdened with responsibilities, "must have things" like laptops and internet to simpler things like the type of morning coffee. While in this place, a camp on the river bed where there is no electricity or any way to communicate with the outside world, none of the comforts that we take for granted existed, a call home would mean a walk for fifteen minutes.

People had huge landslides, irritated, angry to the point of being physical, cribbing to the core. Suddenly the ground beneath their feet had moved. A brief discussion on their behaviour made them realize that these things had made them so dependent that they became horrible human beings if they were not there. The mountain had been shattered to the ground.

While we were talking about the mountains and the pains and blocks they present to us, we were exploring the benefits of living life like a river, like a river making our way towards our destination, circumventing the mountain that blocks us, finding our way no matter how high the obstacle. It seems perfect but without a purpose. It does not seem to have any destination but just keeps moving as nothing can stop it.

While I found no one to really have a strong purpose which could be a must do, a focus to pursue, a goal to die or live for, I found many must haves to operate or even to be human. It all revolved around I must have this and I must have that and you are not providing what we need and so on. Mountains that either stop all action or make us irritated and respond angrily. What's the use of having such mountains?

Will I stop all action or work if someone does not give me my morning tea, or if internet does not work or if I cannot call someone or if I have to miss an appointment or if something/anything does not go my way? Sadly the answer to this question for most people is yes. Either they will be unwilling to do whatever needs to be done or they would angrily protest.

The difference between most people and leaders is that their mountain is not about things that make them un-functional or lesser human beings but about doing something/anything. No matter where they are, they would look at how best they can move towards their mountain. They are equally stubborn, if not more, about their mountains.

Leaders are the ones who know what they want. When I ask people what they want from the program, some would be very clear about it. It could be learning, it could be just fun, it could be to build the right relationships or learn to improve the existing ones or could be to learn how to lead people and so on. No matter what the need is, it is clear.

They would not care if things are not the way they are used to, they would still learn or have all the fun possible or get whatever they wanted. These are mountains that create action no matter what.

Few people have such mountains. Some want to make million dollars in a year, some want a peaceful life by the beach, some want to create organizations. Artists and musicians and many more are people with clear mountains which drive action. Most have mountains that block action.

Therefore there can be three classifications.

1. People who don't do things, to any new situation they would say a "No" first.

2. People who do things, no matter what.

3. People who continue doing things and inspire others to do as well.

The type 2 people are few and the type 3 people are rare, this rare group forms our leadership pool. In an activity like jumping into the river from a height of 30 feet, some people would not jump, some people would jump while some would jump and encourage others to jump too. These guys are the most visible ones. If you need to search for the leader in a group, in most likelihood there aren't any.

It appears that the most effective way to lead is to have a purpose, or simply put, know what you want. Act towards it and inspire people to act towards it. The purpose, as the mountain that remains unshakable while the path, as the river that overcomes mountainous obstacles.

The Brazilian leader has a mountain as the development of his country and his ways are like the river, overcoming all obstacles and he inspires the people of his country. Is he a great leader?

Hitler had a clear mountain, unshakable and his ways were overcoming all obstacles, he inspired many other people. Is he a great leader?

Obviously a piece of the jigsaw puzzle is missing. These were leaders but were they great leaders? What is the impact of their existence on mankind?

Here, we will add one more class to the previous classifications. The third very rare group is split into a fourth, the enlightened leaders, those who continue doing things, inspire others and their mountain causes no pain to others. These people seem to create such mountains that enable them take many actions, also inspire others to action. While beneficial to themselves, they do not hurt others and are mostly beneficial to others too.

I now look at my mountain to see if it passes all these tests.

My Mountain: To create a book which enables people to do what they would really like to do, thereby leading more fulfilling and happier lives.

1. It drives me to write, to experiment and discover the enabling process.

2. It inspires others to follow their heart.

3. It should benefit the ones who imbibe the processes in this book and should be beneficial to others as well.

It's the mountain of a great leader. No matter how madly it is pursued, it can cause no harm.

If we look at any leader in the present times, be it the President of the United States or the CEO of a small company, they all seem to be fighting against something. USA is at war with Iraq and CEO's are competing against each other. I was talking to the Executive President of the group which was here for a program. He told me that there was a war out there in the market. He cannot relax for one minute. He wants his people to be fiercely competitive, not just in the market but against each other too, he says it drives people to perform well. He says that the fear of losing his job drives him to perform.

What a pitiful life. All that stress for no reason but a lack of knowledge. Even graduation books teach that collaboration is better than competition.

After the 9/11 bombings of the twin towers of the World Trade Center, America destroys the whole of Afghanistan, an already devastated country, supposedly to wipe out terrorism from the world. How can we reduce the hatred that people have against us, which is the root cause of terrorism by attacking them. Are the leaders of the world so stupid that they cannot see this simple truth? Can't they see peace and progress go hand in hand. America has been pushed to the brink of a long recession by leaders who go crazy and become blood sucking monsters. A country that is built on formidable principles and has been the source of prosperity to the world is digging its own grave. And Jim Morrison dies screaming awake!!!

Two causes of such beliefs

1. There is not enough for all of us in this world. Scarcity of everything. If I don't grab it someone else will.

2. Us and Them.

Point one is simple to see, we have all done it. The minute we see a resource as scarce, we will grab whatever we can lay our hands on. I remember an epidemic of plague that spread in certain parts of India after a devastating flood. The medicines would be picked up the minute they reached the chemists. Everyone saw a scarcity, they believed that the medicines would get over since so many people were being affected by the disease and they would store medicines for the entire family incase of any eventuality.

Hundreds of people died due to lack of medication whilst tons of medicine was wasted.

Us and Them - Point 2 is a little strange. I have never understood why we call some set of people "Us" and the other "Them". Like Pink Floyd says, "after all we're only ordinary men". In some of my programs I ask participants, what or who do you love? The responses typically are children, parents, girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, nieces, nephews and sometimes people include some very close friends. From all that the participants say, I make a common list.

Then I ask individuals that if we put all these relatives and relations for you, would it feel like an "US" to you. Would you call a group of people that include your parents, children, and all that is in the common list "Us"? The response to this question usually is, we do not have a niece or a child or someone else. I urge people to include only those who exist.

I am yet to see someone refuse to call such a group as "Us". Everyone agrees that they would not hesitate to refer to this set of people as "Us". Once I establish that we have a set of people that we can call "Us", I invite people who have the set incomplete, people who did not have a nephew, niece or someone else. Then I ask people who have a picture of their child or children. I show them to the people who have an incomplete list. When pictures of children are shown, we can hear statements like, Oh she is so cute or this one looks naughty or a little rascal and so on. After which I ask them if they would like to include some of them in their list of "Us".

Even the pictures of children can open the hearts of adults and most of them have no resistance and include these children in their set of "Us". During the coffee break that follows, I see many invitations being exchanged. They would like to meet all those who they have included in their "Us" list and it does not end there, most would extend and accept invitations to meet others in the family.

After the coffee break, I put all the list of "Us" on flip charts and ask participants if they would like to include others from these lists to their lists. I encourage people to make their list with names, relation and a photograph if available. I would have Naasha, Khushroo's daughter and a picture attached. This will be followed by my other daughter Kharmin, Tora, Parents, Nieces, Nephews, Colleagues, Friends and many more. People move around, look at all the other lists and add names to their lists.

Slowly, it gets difficult to differentiate between people. Once we start including people within our "Us" list, our reasons for not including people reduce. If someone has included someone's child then I ask them if they would like to include some other children just like the one they have included. If they have included all children, I ask them about parents of these children, surely they cannot be very bad if they are parents of such cute children.

Soon the whole group has just one list of "Us". Suddenly, the group discovers that without any real reason, they were excluding people.

Here I am sitting near the holy river Ganga with the foothills of Himalayas surrounding me. Rohit is here with me, we had a group of Punjabi Indians come here yesterday. They love to talk and are often noisy.

Rohit is very upset that these people are here and disturbing the peaceful environment. He cannot include these people as part of his "Us". Every time we exclude someone, we reduce the quality of life that we lead. It hardly matters to the people who are excluded but creates hell for the excluder. The Punjabi group is freaking out while Rohit is sitting in a corner and cribbing.

Leaders, who understand the inclusion principle, include a lot of people in their "Us" list. Ordinary leaders like leaders of nations or organizations usually stop at some point while the great ones would not.

When we include people as part of us, we discover an unlimited source of power.

I discovered this by accident. While I was working in the human resource department of an organization, my director would say that I am more a part of my line (the function for whom I was an HRD resource) function than HR. At that time my line was "US" to me while HR was not as much of an "US" for me. I was loved by my line and could get them to do what I wanted, but struggled to get any support from my own function. I would crib about not receiving any support for the things that I wanted to do for my line.

I finally understood that unless I first feel them as my "US", there is no way that the people in human resources department, which actually included me, would help me in anything.

One day sitting at the edge of a lake, I was thinking about what was my problem was, what are the blocks that are stopping me from receiving the support that I need. I found a few. I accepted that I had and showed no respect towards a certain group of people. I accepted that an inability to show respect is my problem and no matter how good my reasoning is, I cannot justify my disrespect towards another human being.

The next problem was I did not care about what happened to someone else. I just cared for myself and was selfish. Thankfully I now know how right it is to care.

A sense of caring for people around us, helping them, facilitating them to do what they would like to do unselfishly is extremely rewarding. The law of sowing and reaping is operational, if we help people around, if we trust people around, if we help them to achieve everything that they would want, the law of what you sow you reap returns it to you.

**Being unselfish is actually the most self rewarding thing to do.** When we don't care and don't help others around and act selfish and think only of ourselves, we will not get back the help and care from people around us. So being selfish is the most stupid thing to do. You are only blocking all the good coming to you.

Leaders are often seen to act for their people, this gives them power. The more things you do for people, the more power you have.

The power that you derive with a big "US" list and unselfishly helping others are what leaders use to do what they like to do. What they like to do is what would help a big "US" list and everyone else. One feeds the other until it becomes a spiral which raises not just the leader but everyone around.

I derive immense pleasure in helping people find their purpose in life, their calling. Helping them to overcome their blocks and pursue their calling, thereby leading meaningful, motivated and happy lives. This is my "do what you like..." when I do this for others, I create a huge resource of power which helps me to do more of my "do what I like..." I can do this only when I include all my participants in my "US" list and care for all of them. Unless I first include them in my "US" list, I block myself from thinking how I can help this person. When I open my heart to a person and feel his struggle, I develop compassion. Compassion makes me use the best of my abilities, sometimes even beyond my abilities to help. Only if I can do this, I can do what I like.

As you can see, it's all intermingled. Compassion leading to an ability to help leading to action that helps people which is my "Do what I like". The "US" list and unselfishness playing their part.

Wherever you are and whoever you are, you can gain the power to do what you like by using this process.

Let us assume that you are a manager or in a leadership position in an organization. By virtue of your position you will have some power over the people who are under you. This is authority power.

Let us assume that you are a student or a house maker or anyone else who does not have any authority or power. Between these two sets are all of us. Children, students, poor, rich, strong, weak, brilliant, retarded just anyone has power. Power to do the things they want to do.

From wherever we are, we can start using the "US" list, Compassion for others, helping others and the process mentioned here to increase your power. This power will enable you to do what you like.

What you could also do is use the power you have. If you have authority power over some people, you can force people to do things that you want them to do. Every time you use force, know that you are using up your power. Very soon your power will be exhausted and you will no longer be able to do what you like, you will be unable to do anything. Most leaders or people in power use up their power, they force others to do things.

How many times have you forced people to do things that they don't like doing? If you do this enough, you will soon be helpless and unable to do anything. Imagine the power you have lost.

CEO's, managers, husbands, wives, educators, presidents of countries have all become helpless. No one listens to them anymore, a simple case of used up power.

In a relationship, if one partner keeps using covert or overt power to make the other person to do or not do things, soon it becomes just a nagging person who is hardly even heard.

We all have enough power to do what we would like to do, follow our passion, our dreams. We can add to that power or use up that power. Whether you are an assigned leader or not, no matter what life you are living you can start building your power and make your dreams a reality.

At this point, I will tell you how this has worked for me. I dreamed of a life that I am living right now, traveling to some of the most beautiful places in the world, making work groups a pleasure to work with, increasing productivity, increasing their incomes, sometimes also saving marriages and restoring strained relationships and making more than enough money.

It started by a simple thought, if I can make working groups interact with each other by making them play games or exposing them to a bit of adventure, they would communicate better with each other and working with each other will be pleasing. As I started making a difference in people's lives, more and more people wanted me to do the same for them. Using compassion, my ability to help groups and individuals increased and I could make very meaningful changes for more and more people.

I now use complex theories, knowledge drawn from music, spirituality, management techniques and introspection to make the learning sessions as effective as doubling output in terms of revenue or profits with less than half the stress that existed before the learning session. **Learning liberates.**

One of the critical jobs of a leader is to let "Do what you like happen..." as a parent, if you can allow your child to follow his or her dreams you would have succeeded in being a great parent. Your job is to help your child achieve, push him/her to achieve what it wants, helping him overcome his blocks and fears. A stupid parent would push a child to achieve something that the child does not want to achieve. It is invariably something that the parent wanted to achieve. A stupider parent would even transfer his own blocks and fears to the child and close all possibilities for his own child.

How would you react if your child wants to be a guide to Mt. Everest, Would you say that's no way to live a life, or say do you know, one out of six people who climb the Everest die. Would you try and scare him out of his dreams.

Leaders should find a way to let "do what you like" happen, just like a parent who does not let his own insecurities come in the way of his children's dreams, showing faith in his child and even encouraging him to follow his dreams, helping and creating a path for him, a leader needs to do the same for his people. Leaders who find a way to do this have the most motivated lot, no amount of money or benefits can create this level of motivation. It's just wonderful when the work that you do is in itself motivating, you will do it without thinking of the rewards.

At this stage the world turns upside down, magic happens and you get more money for what doesn't even look like work. The quality of output that you create due to your intrinsic motivation in the work you do takes you to your best self. When you operate at this level, money flows. This is what they mean by: when you stop chasing money, money flows to you.

Leaders often misunderstand motivation. They look at rewards and punishments to make people do what needs to be done.

While in Singapore, I visited the famous zoo which has many animal shows. The show master would stand in front of the animal with the animal's most favourite food in one hand. In the other he has a whip or some instrument which is feared by the animal. When the animal does a certain thing, it is fed. As it gets food it obeys its master and follows his commands. On rare occasions the master needs to use punishment to correct or stop errant behaviour.

This is what leaders try to do with people. When I ask leaders of highly respected organizations about how they keep their employees motivated, many of them talk of the work that they offer so employees can have a career, some also offer multiple choices and allow employees to choose their path, no wonder these are some of the best employers. When a leader responds to this question with benefits and perks, salaries, holiday packages, club memberships and so on, the organization is already on the decline or will soon be. Animals cannot run organizations, for god's sake!!!

**People are in search of meaning. Provide meaning to make lives purposeful, it makes life** **joyful and very profitable.**

### Corporations and Organizations

_Do what you like is not in contradiction to organizations. Just because you work for someone does not mean that you cannot do what you like. This section shows how they both can symbiotically exist. If you are in a large or_ _small organization, this part will show you ways to do what you like, wherever you are._

Large corporation managers:

Haven't you heard, organizations exist to make money. They don't exist to help people make their dreams come true, they have their own way of making money and people in the organization are paid to ensure that they follow its way and help it make money. How can we let people do what they like, how can we run an organization like this. We will completely lose control over things. We need more systems and checks in place so that people don't wander off the established paths and start doing their own stuff, as leaders we must ensure that they do what they are supposed to do, after all, so many lives depend on the survival of this organization.

WOW!!! What an understanding of how things work! Impeccable logic, surprisingly when I ask people in these organizations about their lives, they are all complaining about the monotonous, meaningless man-hours they put in, how the organization is ruining their lives!!! They are forever complaining about how lowly they are paid, no matter how high the salary is. It cannot be at the cost of your life.

Yes, there is marginal growth, year after year. Enough to keep them convinced that if they do more of the same the marginal growth would be a higher marginal growth.

When they see another company of a similar nature, grow from half their size to their size and way beyond, their immediate response is of suspicion. They simply don't believe that it's possible. Yet if they reflect on their own history, it would be a small startup which had grown and then stagnated.

Systems and processes:

With the need for control we build systems and processes that people in the company follow, they are all designed to help employees with what they need to do. If they need a certain set of supplies, the process helps them get it. Well documented and readily available. All you have to do is read and find out what needs to be done.

I had once read an elaborate process on how to subscribe for a newspaper for the department. This person had spoken to the newspaper vendor sitting outside his office and asked him to deliver one copy to his office. At the end of the month when he submitted a bill for payment he discovered he had broken a code of conduct of the company. He had not followed a policy that insisted that he request the procurement department to get him the newspaper and unless he did that the finance department would not pay the bill. He paid the bill himself and requested the procurement department to get the newspaper. The department had to go without a newspaper for 15 days before the service was institutionalized. That's the word they use.

Many processes like these exist in large organizations each having reasonable explanations for their existence. Leave, medical, education, cars, promotions, travel, etc all have standard operating procedures.

How people work and what they do are also documented and given fancy names like job descriptions and roles. The human resource department takes great pride in this work and consultants are paid absurd sums to simply record what each person does or is supposed to do in the organization.

If you look at large organizations, everything is defined. Functions are defined, sales, marketing, production, finance, human resources, procurement, etc. each doing a pre defined role. People in one function dare not do something other than what they are supposed to do. If a finance manager finds a good potential recruit, he will not dare to offer him a job without going through HR. most likely, by that time it's too late. Silos (lack of communication between different sets of people) are created and people have to write books like "How to manage the white spaces on the organization chart".

Millions of dollars are spent to make people work in teams, cross functional teams are spoken of as something special, like a special breed of people who can actually do things other than what they are supposed to do.

A large organization reminds me of a series of mountains. They have a strange way of doing things. If they need to take raw material and give out a finished product, the material would have to climb all the way to the top of the procurement mountain, then climb down and again climb up the quality mountain and get down and then climb the production mountain and down and again up and again down and....., the person sitting at the top of each mountain decides everything. His job description says so. No one from quality can speak to anyone in production, they have to pass the raw material all the way to the top of their mountain and then the person at the top will pass it to the person at the top of another mountain who then slides it down his mountain.

The norm in large organizations seems to be "Do what you are told to do" which seems a perfectly logical way of doing business.

We will see how letting "Do what you like" has transformed large organizations and helped them grow like start ups. Achieve 50 to 60 percent growth simply by letting "Do what you like" happen.

This is a large 150 year plus organization, solid and growing at a rate of about 10% in revenues and 4% in profits year after year. The company has embarked on best practices like Kaizen and Six Sigma helping them to grow. Steady incomes and secure jobs for everyone who worked with them, not only that they have a school, housing complexes, hospital and recreation facilities which are state of the art. With all this, people would never leave them. They had very low attrition rate and by any measure they were in the top ten.

I was really surprised that people working there were not happy. The first thought that came to my mind was that if people in such a company are not happy, are we chasing something that does not exist. Would the working people always be unhappy, no matter what the organization does for them? When people are unhappy in a job they usually leave. Here the CEO had a peculiar problem: the people would not leave as their children would be studying in the school, their families living in the housing complex and everything is provided for. They would stay and stay cribbing about almost everything.

There is a big flaw in how we see human motivation. By providing everything, we can prevent attrition, we can buy loyalty but as The Beatles once said, we can't buy love. Motivation is intrinsic to our being, to the life we are leading and the work we are doing. Everything else is a mere peripheral ornament. Like a diamond pendant can make a woman momentarily ecstatic, lasting happiness only comes from the quality of life and relationship she lives. Our schools, club memberships, club class travel, golf, paid vacations and retreats create momentary elation. Any long term joy would come only if we enjoy what we are doing.

The company had its heart in the right place. They really wanted to address this problem. They did not know what to do and was willing to go by our suggestions.

The first thing we did was increase the levels of transparency. We shared financial data, product data, market information and competitor data. Explained how money was being earned, how they fit into the larger picture. How the job they were doing affected or helped the bottom line. Production, marketing, after sales service, finance, human resource, research and design were all part of this process. This was all normal stuff. Alignment is the term that consultants like to use for this kind of work. It provides meaning to what the person is doing. This by itself creates a sense of purpose and happiness to be felt as a part of a larger whole.

What we did next is something that no one dares to do. We said, now that you understand how we exist, we want you to do what you would like to do. Let us know what that would be and how we can continue doing the current job as well.

It was an explosion, what people really wanted to do was great work for the organization. While most suggestions were in the field they were in, some were as out of place as rock climbing in office. Also most people offered solutions to keep the current job or work overtime if they were allowed to pursue what they were suggesting. As a rule everything was sanctioned, some were asked to think through the economic viability or value of the Activity. Even the suggestion of rock climbing was accepted as the person suggesting felt that it had helped him perform better at work.

Within two years the face of the company changed, many new revenue streams were established, employees became suppliers, entrepreneurs, it diversified into areas like consulting, training, entertainment, music, internet, outdoor adventure and many others.

It doubled revenue in two years and increased profits by 50%, it is still growing at over 70% every year. Not just that, you don't find cribbers easily. No one seems to be demanding salary hikes as they are already making more money than what they had thought possible.

The people who did not respond to this initiative are still there, they are still cribbing seeing their colleagues pass them by. The company uses adventure and other programs that were created through this very process to help them overcome their blocks and pursue their life's calling.

What we also learnt was that anything can be turned into a business, if you like playing with toddlers, you can run a crèche. If you like to cook, you can make more than a living. If you like to listen to music, you can make listening to music your profession, people are paid to watch movies, read novels, make match box houses and also to run companies.

An ad of TATA Steel said "we also make steel."

It is so easy to let "Do what you like..." happen in a large organization. There is a need for virtually everything. The need is enough to make it financially viable. Even for something like rock climbing, there would be enough people who would be able to derive benefit and convert it into better performance for the company. It would raise the confidence levels which then improve performance in other areas as well.

If people are doing what they like to do, they are passionate about their work, they put their heart and soul into making it work, they are motivated by the work they do which is everlasting and not like some diamond pendant.

Smaller corporations and start ups:

Usually the birth of an organization is making "Do what you like....." happen. One man's dream of creating something he likes, creates great organizations. The laptop I am using to type this book is a great reminder of Microsoft and Bill Gates. The power that I am using is a reminder of Reliance Industries and Mr. Dhirubhai Ambani. The Fortune Chariot Resort at Mahabalipuram, Chennai of which I have become a temporary resident, is a reminder of the spirit of "Do what you like..."

The labour of love gives birth.

I remember the time I had developed an attraction towards Tora. Every time she would be around, time would fly talking to her, playing table tennis, sharing ice cream or climbing trees to break coconuts would be very pleasurable. Many of us have known how it feels to be with the love of our lives.

I would look forward to the weekends when we would meet (weekdays she would reach home in the evening and school work would take up the remainder of the evening). The way I lived my weekdays were completely different from the way I lived my weekends. Weekdays, I would be with friends, bunking college, going to video game parlours and listening to music through the day. My friends were shocked that I could leave all that and be with the same girl on all my weekends. To them it looked like a huge sacrifice. Some would also see me as a loser who danced to the tunes of a girl.

Whatever it was, I enjoyed spending time with her and was by no measure a sacrifice. The labour of love is a joy to perform. I changed my entire lifestyle and yet it was a joy and not a burden. If I had to do the same things without feeling the love I had for her, it would be a Herculean task, love made it effortless.

This is the power of "doing what you like......" and if you love it, you will have nothing left to ask from life.

I love the work that I do. Sometimes I work for two days continuously, not sleeping for a minute. Sometimes, I travel nights and work days and nights. Most of my work involves physical activity, I am either trekking or swimming or rafting or kayaking or talking, to my surprise I can do this day after day, enjoying myself and not feeling a bit tired. I don't want the nights to end and can't wait for the mornings to begin. The labour of love in all it's glory.

When people say I work hard, I tell them I don't work at all. I am on a permanent vacation. Only difference is that I get paid to take them.

If you see any start ups, the people would be working day and night. They would be energetic and charged, more than anyone who is working for someone else. They have chosen what they would love to do and the rest is the labour of love.

I have not asked Bill Gates but I assume that when he was writing his first program he would be experiencing the labour of love and when he managed to create the world's first visual operating system he would have reached orgasmic levels, then again continuing the labour of love to reach the next orgasm.

I have seen people fed up of having sex but have never seen anyone fed up of making love.

When start ups reach the size of small corporations, they start doing other things and they start taking on more hands. Suddenly they realize that they are not really doing what they started out to do and some things that they do become "need to do". When this happens, they lose the energy and the zeal of a start up.

The shift is subtle, everyone may still be doing exactly the same work but instead of making love, they are having sex, the only visible clue, even for the trained eye is the drop in energy levels, the change in the walking styles and body language. The financial figures, attrition rates, none of the measures would reveal anything. These come much later.

It is a good time to check if, "do what you like....." is still happening. A re-look at the purpose of the organization, at the people that now exist in the organization, understanding what their "do what you likes...." are, would rekindle the love that once existed.

Sometimes alignment of the various "do what you likes..." create larger meanings and the organization from being a mere product provider can turn into a solution provider, from being a media creator to become a co-creator of value.

Fortunately for us, the connection between things is already established. There can be no river without mountains and no mountains without streams of water flowing through them. Each exists for the other and both co-exist. There can be no predator without the prey and no prey without the predator. Both can only co-exist.

If these are they ways of the world, all the "Do what you like...."s are essentially co-existent. If one exists for the other, doing one well essentially makes it easier to do the other better. We need to discover these connections and put the pieces of the puzzle together. Just like each piece of a puzzle in isolation makes no sense till the connections are discovered, each "do what you like..." may seem to make no sense till the connections are uncovered.

A journalist goes through this training in a school of journalism. He is conditioned to do investigative journalism, highlighting the evils of the society and change the world. He is a journalist because he wants to improve the world. He joins a media organization which does not want to highlight the evils of the world. They too want to change the world by highlighting the good things of the world.

Once the connection is established, celebration of good things creates more good things to create a better world in most cases, while it may still be required to make exceptions to the rule in certain cases to achieve the same purpose.

The media house creates a publication which is a joy to read, uplifts people with their morning cup of coffee, is the largest selling broadsheet newspaper in the world and is creating a better world. The connection makes all those associated with it, proud.

Intrapreneurship.

Evolved companies understand the power of letting "do what you like" happen. They provide official time and resources to personal projects. Employees are encouraged to create project plans of their own. Once they have an idea, they can use the planning staff to help them plan, the finance staff to help them raise money. They can request for any resource that is required to make it work.

Employees slowly move into the new role as the idea takes shape and converts itself into a workable business model. The intrapreneurship model sometimes has a profit sharing mechanism or has a reward mechanism which celebrates a new creation.

While some employees are passionate to create something of their own, some are just passionate about start ups. They are specialists in seeing the idea reach the business model level. They get their highs from converting any idea into a business opportunity which is beneficial to the organization.

A Director of Human Resources no longer enjoyed his job, it had lost its challenge and he had already done what he wanted to achieve in the role. What he loved to do was consulting and was planning to start his consulting firm. He was told to open a consulting arm of the company he was working for. He would still continue to be an employee but would now be working as CEO business consulting.

It's a win-win opportunity. It makes it easier for both to succeed. The new venture with the support of the existing client base and opportunities is virtually guaranteed to succeed bringing in revenue for the organization and creating a revenue stream. The employee can have a longer sustenance and can afford to experiment and evolve and fine tune his offering. There could be organizations within organizations, sometimes called profit centers. Every profit center can have a separate balance sheet and a profit and loss account.

It also simplifies the mysterious animal called the performance management system. Rewards to the profit center can be linked to the profit and loss account to remove all possible biases, after all if the employee left the organization to pursue his dreams, his earnings would be in the profit and loss statement.

Profit centers can enable a huge organization to be as nimble as a start up. Much has been written about the dinosaurian characteristics of a huge organization. Letting "do what you like..." happen can make a nimble dinosaur which is as strong as the largest dinosaur and as fast and agile as the fastest. It can get into the smallest of crevices and climb the highest mountains.

If you look at any company which has existed for over a hundred years, their product portfolio would have changed completely every few years. They are constantly creating new revenue streams, old products die gradually and newer ones take their place. These new ones are championed by people who are high on "doing what they like..." They are either creating new products or transforming existing products to keep the company current.

The ultimate organization in profit centers is the Bollywood industry or the Ad film industry in Bombay. Every single person is a profit center. The creative person or the agency provides the idea, the director visualizes a film idea, the producer produces the film, models or actors are hired, photographers are appointed, make up men, helpers, studio, transport, venue, anything that you can think of is an independent operator. A photographer loves his job, so does the director and the actor and the make up man and every one involved. They all do their job and command their price as per the quality they deliver.

They all work independently and together. There is no contradiction in this statement. If you find any, you have missed the point.

A larger number of employees prefer to work as consultants. They would offer the same services as they would as employees. They would like to offer their services to more organizations as they are capable of delivering much more than the organization would need. It provides them freedom as they don't usually need to follow organizational rules, only the deliverables matter. The employer has the freedom to assess, continue or end the contract without the fuss of an employee termination.

The person delivers better quality as he does not feel the unnecessary competitive pressures between colleagues and can focus on what needs to be done. In most cases the quality of deliverables are so high that there is never a need to discontinue the contract. The same person's output is much lesser while he is an employee.

Outsourcing is another term where a part of the organization is operated by someone who likes doing it. Some people love recruitment, organizations outsource the recruitment process to them. What's the point of having an employee who recruits when you can have someone who can do the job? What's the point of being recruited by one company if you love recruiting?

Why do you need a trainer as an employee? Most companies don't and they use services of people who are passionate about training. They will surely do a better job.

Why do you need an accountant, why do you need information technology employees, why do you need production, China can do it better, why do you need anything?

The simple answer is that you don't need anyone as an employee unless of course it boosts your ego to know that so many people are working for you.

If you have anyone working for you, together you should have a better per employee revenue/profits, if you can't do that, you rather not hire.

### Been there, done that. – Now what?

Now that you have read most of this book, you will without doubt, think about these processes and think of how you would like to live your life. If you are not a coward and are willing to confront your fears, you will soon be living the life of your dreams. In this part, I have tried to preempt the learning that you will have once you get on your path. These are learning to which you will say, I wished I knew this before. I am not sure if reading this part will make you understand these concepts fully, if not, they will guide you till you experience them yourself.

There are some things that you learn later in life but you wished you knew them before. They would have made life so much simpler E.g. after three broken relationships; you learn that it's not the other person but something within you that needs to change for a lasting relationship. This chapter attempts to capture the experiences after you start doing what you like. Although you may not experience the things mentioned here, I do hope you take advantage of what I have already found instead of finding it out yourself, the hard way.

I see so many people pursuing their dreams, their calling. It is getting a lot easier. Every individual inspires others to start doing what they really like.

After this book is published and people read it, we will have many more that would stop doing boring dead end jobs. They would understand what it takes to do what they like and also have the tools to do it.

You will begin living your dream and like me for the first time in your life or after a long period of time you will experience the feeling of living without a goal. Not because you are a person who does not know where you are headed or does not know what you should be doing, but because you have _Been There Done That._

I was used to living with a goal, graduate, post graduate, job, promotion, roles, business, company and so on. It was one goal after the other driving me and suddenly I was doing what I wanted to do and was enjoying it. I tried hard to find the next goal, I tried for a while and then I realized that my life will have to be lived differently. For the first time there was nothing left to achieve. I am reminded of the lyrics of a song which translates: now that we have started walking, the road seems better than the destination.

Goalless, at first is a scary feeling. You will suddenly find yourself with a map but without a compass or a destination (like a teenager wasting away his life). Secondly, you will know how to go anywhere, but may not want or need to go anywhere (like a self-actualized person). A year from starting to do what I like, I often wondered what next. Now I find the circularity of our being. All my life I was chasing something or the other. Like the music band Scorpions say "And I run cause life is too short". When you are chasing something it is linear, something that moves you in a direction and you run to catch it. Then you run for the next thing you are chasing, we call this goal setting. It's like you are standing on this planet and you start running in one direction, you will take a full circle and reach the place from where you started. When you move from one goal to another, the line will lead back to you. The best seller "Alchemist" illustrates this beautifully. It will get you to who you really are and what is your true calling. At this time you will understand the meaninglessness and the meaningfulness of all the running you have done. It's like searching for oneself by looking everywhere and then concluding that since it's not anywhere, it must be here.

The hard way to find this out is to run the full circle like I did, the easier way would be to stop wherever you are. The sooner you stop running, the sooner you will find your "do what you like..."

Time:

As long as you are running, time is running out. Only when you stop running, time stops. Time makes itself available for the things that you want to do. I want to write a book and I find that I have enough time to do it. I want to travel and I find that I have enough time to do so. I want to play soccer and I find that I have enough time to play. I want to be with my kids and I find that I have enough time to be with them. I want to read, listen to music, watch sun sets, run ten miles, raft some rivers, watch birds fly, trek and fly in the Himalayas and I have time for all of it.

So many times in the past I have found myself saying that I have no time, so many times I have said that I wish I could do this and then found that I had no time for it. Now I understand that I was running and hence time was running out, it is not possible to out run time. Fact is that I was not doing what my "do what you like..." was. Once I found it and did it, there was enough time for everything.

Our perception of time and space is at best a distorted one. A part clarification would be that there is just the right amount of time for the things that have to be done, never a moment where nothing is done and never a thing more for the time there is.

We have just enough time for the things that we are meant to do. Not a moment of boredom and not a moment of hurry. My time is taken up by the things that I do and I do the things that I like in the time there is.

There is enough time to do whatever you like, never enough if you do things that you don't like.

If you say to yourself that I need to do that job to survive, you are right. You need to kick it and find a way to convert what you like to do into a profession to thrive. And no matter what it is that you like to do, I can assure you, it can be converted into a profession without the need of rocket science.

Comparisons, Competitions and Corrections:

Like in a race, we keep looking left and right to see where the others are, there is a need to compare ourselves to others and assess our performance. Parents are seen asking other parents how their children are performing, marks obtained, sporting activities, and other things. Everyone seems to want their child to perform better than the others. This leads to competition and so called corrections. What we sometimes fail to see is that even if we have to run a race, our directions and destinations are different. It's such a waste of effort to be running the wrong race.

I have seen so many people run the famous corporate rat race, chasing one promotion after another. Some win some lose but no one seems to be proud at the end of it. As they say, even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat.

Stopping frequently while running to check what is at the end of the road and if we are reasonably sure that we want to reach the end of that road. Taking time to remove our blinkers and see around at all the other roads and where they might lead us to some serious corrections rather than simply finding ways for running faster than the others on the same road.

There is more to life than merely increasing its speed – Mahatma Gandhi.

As discussed in the previous chapters, it brings us to the question of what is it that I really like to do or what is my "do what you like..."

In all programs I highlight the fact that this opportunity has come as a stop in your routine. And since you have stopped running, you have time to think about the really important questions in your life. What is it that you are really doing, what is your contribution to mankind, what is your responsibility towards yourself, will you be disappointed on your death bed.

Like the Monday morning meetings that take stock of things and realigns people to the week forward, a stop in your race will help you realign.

While running a marathon, it's fine to take a juice break – Jyotirmoy Bose

Any direction you run in, remember it reaches to yourself. The run is only a teacher that teaches you things about yourself. If the run does not lead to a discovery about who you are, what your calling is or simply put, in our vocabulary to "do what you like..." then it's a run that's wandered off course.

How do we know if we are on course and have not wandered off? Participants, colleagues, friends have asked me this question. I just instinctively knew when I was on the right path and when I was going off track. I had trouble explaining what came instinctively to me and this made me incapable of helping them. One day pondering over this question, sitting on the bank of my favourite river, the Ganga, it just became obvious. I had known it all along but the words took shape to explain simply when people would know they were on the right or the wrong path. The question you need to ask yourself is "are you enjoying your journey?" since any path leading to yourself is enjoyable.

In my case, while working in the Human Resources department I did recruitment, performance management, compensation & benefits, industrial relationship and training, I enjoyed training the most. In all the various forms of training like e-learning, classroom training, skill development, etc. I loved the outbound method for creating improved teamwork and creating inspiring leadership. It was only later that I discovered the power it possessed to transform individuals.

Once on the path, running is effortless, running is enjoyable and fun. My friends tell me that I make a lot of money having fun. The more fun you have the more money you make. It's true for all those who are on the path.

All you need to do to be on the path is stop running. From all the things you are doing find out which is most enjoyable. Do more of it and find out how it helps or benefits others. Charge the ones benefiting less than half the value of the benefit. Find out other related things that you would love to do that would add value to your product so that you can do more of what you love and make more money from doing it.

Right now I am watching "Gods of the Guitar" on MTV's VH1. Ritchie Blackmore playing the song "mistreated" and Ian Guillan screaming his lungs out to create one of the most popular rock songs. There is no denying that they are doing what they like doing and there are thousands of people like me who would pay a small fortune to see them perform live. Deep Purple, arguably is the best rock group the world has ever seen.

I am only beginning to see the impact of doing what I like. So far we have talked about the benefits to the individual who dares to be on his path. All these can be seen on the micro level, the individual. I am only beginning to see the impact on a macro level. E.g. A whole nation of people doing what they like, so much prosperity, happiness, no room for negativity or destructive thoughts. A focus on pursuing a life which is purposeful channels all the life energy towards creation and provides a solution towards a world free of terror.

An important learning that comes with leading a life on your path is that for you to do well, it is not necessary to defeat someone else. You realize that to win, no one else has to lose. In fact it is easier to win when everyone around is winning too. This is, one learning that most people who are not on the path have great difficulty in understanding. The sports and our game formats contribute to it. To win a football match the other team must lose. Once on the path, the more benefits you can create for others, the more you win.

You win when you do better than what you are currently capable of doing. It's like a pole-vaulter breaking his own record. He has already won and now all victories are personal victories rather than beating someone else. He is setting higher standards in the field which benefits the whole sport and every one in it.

I know of a highly evolved person who runs one of the largest media conglomerates in the country, while the company holds the majority of the pie, it never focuses on taking away the pie of other players. It always focuses on increasing the pie so that the industry and all in it benefit. Being in it, the benefit accrues to them is a by product. It's no surprise that world over there has been a decline in the print media but in India it has a healthy rate of growth.

While entering new markets they focus on improving the city and the lifestyles of its habitants. They change the face of the city and promote economic growth in the cities they enter through focused editorial content. It's when you help people around to do well that you too do exceptionally well.

If you help people get what they want, you would have already got what you want.

Another example to see this happening live is in India. The country is growing rapidly and everyone seems to be moving to bigger flats, bigger cars and better lifestyles.

Another great benefit to mankind is the end of destructive thoughts. Capitalism has done this to a certain extent. When people are focused on doing something constructive, they cannot harbour destructive thoughts. They find better ways to add value to their product. They are creating better products to help people improve their lifestyle. Each one helps to make the other's job easier. Intel producing better chips makes it easier for software developers to do their jobs more effectively.

In such a state, war and terrorism will end. There has never been war between two countries once both have a McDonald's. Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention (once people have achieved a certain standard of lifestyle, they would not engage in destructive activities like war.)

What if someone finds out that his path is that of terrorism? It is very likely that someone sees the world as an unjust place and chooses a violent way to set things right. This person will take up the same missionary zeal to follow his path. This is what makes suicide bombers and pilots who fly their planes into buildings.

The response to such acts, have invariably been violent. It's a wonder that history doesn't teach us that violence cannot stop violence.

Progress prevents terrorism.

The problem with capitalism or free markets is that it widens the gap between the rich and the poor. Smart people can make a lot of money while the not so smart ones may be left completely devastated. While it surely seems to be the better known path towards progress of a country, it not only creates a gap within the country but increases the gap between the rich of that country and the poor of another poor country. New York and Kabul or England and Ethiopia, if you compare cities or countries like these, you will find that while one set of people are making a lot of money per day, the other would be making only a fraction of it. Living conditions in Kabul or Ethiopia would be tough to say the least.

In such conditions, it is easy to lead people on the wrong path. Out of frustration people may choose to peddle drugs, steal or even kill for money. It may be easy for them to believe that their condition is somehow created by the countries, which have done well. There may be examples where people from a capitalist country have outdone them in something that they were good at and thus taken away from them what they would consider their right or god's gift to them. They might think that life is not fair and their share is taken away from them by someone else.

This gives them a purpose to fight - to take back what they think rightly belongs to them. For monetary gain this purpose would drive people to terrorism at the cost of their own lives.

The only way to stop terrorism is to help the under developed countries where it originates.

When we know that most of the world's terrorism is based in some countries, we should spend our resources to help them develop. While we focus on their development, we should remember the old saying, give the man a fish and he will depend on your alms, teach him how to fish and he will be independent and grateful to you forever.

Thus we would refocus the people of a poor country towards their development. They will then build their country, their cities and their lives. There is a lot of energy that is directed towards destruction, we need to change it towards creation if we want a terror free world.

At the moment the great leaders of the world seem to have little or no understanding of how to deal with terror. When the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center was brought down, America launched an assault on Afghanistan. They further increased the gap between the haves and the have-nots by destroying what little they had. They spent millions of dollars towards destruction, even if they had captured and killed Osama Bin Laden, they would have created hundreds who would now be willing to die if they can kill one American.

An evolved leader would see this as an opportunity to introspect and understand the cause of such hatred towards his country. What is it that they are doing that makes people go all out to kill them, what is creating this immense amount of hatred towards them? Understand that there is a need to change and use all the money towards creation.

A hint of such evolution was shown by India's ex-prime minister, late Mr. Rajiv Gandhi. He conceptualized the peace keeping force. Indian army was sent to the troubled Sri Lanka with a special mission, it was to maintain peace. They would not fire first and as far as possible not fire at all. This meant that the army would not attack but would still try to maintain peace. This meant that many Indian soldiers would be killed and yet they would kill as few as possible.

This initiative was largely criticized and the merit of it was questioned. Very few could understand what he was trying to achieve. He fought his critics bravely, not once withdrawing with the fear that he may lose the prime ministerial chair. His popularity plummeted as the opposition highlighted the Indian lives lost by this initiative.

It later cost him his life as he was seen as supporting the Sri Lankan government against the LTTE which were mostly Tamils. A huge Tamil population lives in Tamil Nadu, India.

Rajiv understood that by killing more, he would create more hatred. He could have ordered an all out attack and wiped out the LTTE and along with them the whole of Sri Lanka like how the Russians and later, the Americans destroyed Afghanistan.

It's only speculation, but if Rajiv would have attacked the Sri Lankans, our World Trade Centers would be having planes flying into them and Mr. Sanath Jayasurya would never have played for the Mumbai Indians. (For the information of the non cricket buffs, Mumbai Indians is a cricket team playing in the Indian Premier League and Sanath is a great Sri Lankan player).

Sometimes preferring to die rather than kill makes sense to some people. Mostly, we salute our soldiers who bravely fight and kill our "enemies" and come back. We celebrate such killings. We call them brave, when all they have done is kill to stay alive.

A friend of mine is in the army and he told me that if he does not kill, they will kill him. If he does not kill the enemy right away he will kill many more of his people, so he is left with no choice but to kill immediately and without thinking. Such is the fear and such are the acts of someone who is being controlled by fear. It's no bravery or courage.

I told him I would rather die. He thought I was out of my mind. Then I told him, I don't think we can ever end this conflict by killing, we can only increase the conflict and be the cause for many more deaths on both sides. Thus by killing one "enemy" you are ensuring that more of your people die. Then I told him only foolish people can declare victory by claiming fewer deaths. Three militants were killed and one jawan was lost in the conflict and therefore we won against the militants.

In two minutes, his whole life's beliefs were shaken. Unfortunately he is too scared to follow the path of "do what you like...." and is trapped in the army as a means to earn a livelihood. The pride of doing what he does or is expected to do is destroyed and rightly so.

Mahabharata – the Indian epic of the gods:

I consider these concepts as ways to end the violence in the world and in our lives. In a program we were discussing the causes of violence and how we are contributing towards it. Most of my participants are Indians and we have a religious epic called the Mahabharata. It's a story of a battle between good and evil. While all else is the story of how the sides were formed and how the battles was fought, a big component is where lord Krishna, who is battling from the good side, explains and convinces Arjun to fight when he chooses death as a better option than killing people on the other side which was mostly made up of his own family. If Lord Krishna himself, taught Arjun to kill rather than die, how can, a mere corporate teacher, teach otherwise.

On the face of it, it seems that Lord Krishna does encourage war but there are many contextual aspects that surround the teaching. When taken out of context, like most things, they would show the contrary to what is being said.

There are many angles in which the context of Lord Krishna's advice can be seen. The simplest is to see that Lord Krishna himself tried to avoid the war by going to the extent of agreeing to settle for five houses. Only after being convinced that war is the last option did he take that path. He was fully aware of the destruction it would cause to both sides and to humanity. There are no winners in a war.

Mahatma Gandhi was an ardent follower of the Gita and was often questioned on his ways that seem to contradict Lord Krishna's teachings. While the more evolved souls find no contradiction between Gandhi's ways and Lord Krishna's teachings, the common man cannot see it that way. They see that he did kill or take up arms but fail to see the Karma that he performed and his dharma followed without being scared by the consequences of his actions, which is really the teaching of Lord Krishna. If you think that Lord Krishna taught people or Arjun to go around killing people, please re-read the Gita and look for a deeper meaning. Ironically, Gandhi's assassin was also an ardent Gita follower and killed Gandhi just like Arjun killed Pitamah.

Finally we must also see the teaching in the context of the student. Arjun was no ordinary student. He had received the best education money could buy in those days, education that was far more holistic and superior than what we can buy today. His orientation towards war was not us and them, but he had already transcended the boundaries of US and THEM and progressed to WE. Although the stated reason was family members on the other side to start with, he continues to reveal that every individual he sees on the other side is somehow a part of himself.

While focusing Arjun towards his Karma, Lord Krishna tells him to fight with love, compassion and not with anger or hate. For Arjun, his karma had taken him to the next level where every arrow that he fires, he fires it on a part of himself and that is the real battle he is fighting. This is when taking up weapons becomes very difficult. After seeing the oneness of our being, firing a single arrow is supremely difficult for even a warrior as great as Arjun.

To fight without anger or hatred, to fight knowing that it will bring destruction to one's own self and yet believing that it's what needs to be done is no easy task for the evolved. It is the supreme belief that all of human life is a mere manifestation of the spirit or the Athma which is ever existent and one with the supreme. Life and death, living and killing is the mere passage of one form into another, like changing one's clothes. The lesson to Arjun was not take up your bow and arrow and kill the enemy, but to understand something far greater, our connection with the supreme. Athma, Parmathma, the oneness of our existence.

There are many interpretations of the Gita, the written word is vulnerable to people adding their own meaning to it. The great gurus of the past laid great emphasis on the necessity of having a guru, even religions put great emphasis on having a guru. Spiritual growth by reading a book is like learning to drive by reading a book. Reading one book or just a passage from a book and taking it in its entirety is like believing that earth is the center of the universe. Only through a guru can a Tibetan monk walk on the spiritual path. The guru knows the context and the level his pupil has reached and how ready he is for more knowledge, he knows how much he can trust and follow his instructions. What Lord Krishna taught Arjun was from him to a great Pandava king who in himself was his greatest disciple.

Do you think Lord Krishna would have told you the same?

Lord Krishna's power to single handedly win the war is beyond doubt, he had no reason to make Arjun or anyone else fight, he chose to be without weapon through the war as what he taught has shown the way to millions. The teachings are for all levels of existence and have something for everyone. However there are different lessons for different levels and like some of my participants, may misunderstand a lesson simply because they are on a different level and need to learn other lessons before appreciating lessons on a higher level.

Between a stance of non violence and Krishna's advice to fight lies the unexplored existence of oneness, once a person crosses that expanse, all contradictions between the two fade away. To fight after seeing the oneness is not the same as fighting before seeing it.

Human Intelligence:

While serving the race, it has also been a block in its progress. It's the cause of humans considering themselves as superior. It's the cause of arrogance. Ironically it also blocks learning as we think that we have already learnt what had to be learnt. It also leads to incorrect convictions and beliefs that a certain thing is either right or wrong. In this part I have tried to compare humans to other living things on our planet to check if our arrogance has a base to it. Intelligence works well for us when we stay humble and can make us stumble by becoming the very cause of our arrogance.

When elephants are about to die a natural death, they isolate themselves from the herd and go to a place called the elephant graveyard. They reach there and die. They know exactly when they will die. We have no clue of when, how or why we will die.

In China, two days before an earthquake, millions of toads were found traveling in a particular direction, several were killed crossing the highway and yet they "foolishly" kept crossing.

Plant life has survived on this planet longer than any animal that we know of. While humans are deforesting the planet, it is most likely that deforestation will reach a level wherein humans would find survival on this planet impossible. Humans would become extinct while plants would re-grow and make this planet green again. It's not possible for humans to destroy plant life.

Kanha National Park in India is a place where any human interference has been consciously removed and we have let nature: plants, animals, rock, soil, river, birds be on its own. Tourism is allowed to the extent that it supports the cost required to ensure that this patch of land is undisturbed.

At Kanha, although the tiger kills the deer and the python swallows the jungle fowl, there seems to be a natural balance which ensures the survival of all species, most of them thrive on their own, without human interference. Kanha or any other forest which does not have human interference will give you a feeling which cannot be described in words. I have felt a deep connection with everything around, I think it's the oneness of things around and I being part of the whole. I have walked along with wild boars, wild dogs, Bison and many other animals and flown with vultures, hawks, eagles, kites and many other birds. I have felt no fear but a strong sense of oneness with them with a desire that their habitats never get destroyed as they continue to share the planet with us.

Humans are the only species on this planet whose history and future is plagued with war and battles. Everyone else seems to know how to share things around and live together in the same forest. Trees, plants, birds, predators and prey are all flourishing in the same forest. We seem to draw boundaries and lines of control and cut our mother planet into pieces, into countries, states, cities, plots and fields. When I fly, I see nothing but boundaries and divisions made by man. All of nature is one beautiful view and everything that man has touched is broken into pieces.

Man is the least intelligent being on this planet. It's only the foolish who think they are great. Only a foolish race would declare itself superior, just like a foolish person who declares himself superior to others. The truly superior people never call themselves superior. They don't believe that they are. The very thing that makes them superior is that they understand that everything is a creation of god and hence we are all the same and in reality we are all just one.

Jesus Christ when asked if he was really what people said he was, replied "these are your words not mine."

Our intelligence is leading us towards arrogance, killing our trust in our fellow beings and driving us towards violence and war. To my mind they are all signs of an inferior existence. All others are far more intelligent, simply check the amount of destruction the human race has done to its own home and compare it with anyone or anything else.

What intelligent being would create a bomb which has the potential of destroying its own home?

Fortunately we are also the most fragile race on the planet and will be among the first to be hit by all the harm that we are doing. It's a question of either we start to live with each other and with all that exists around us in complete harmony or the rest will do so after we disappear from this planet. So much for the intelligent superior human race!

Open your eyes and see how living together helps everyone flourish while separating mine from yours, destroys. Learn from the animals, plants and everything around or DIE.

What is most encouraging is that more people are finally learning. Most countries in Europe have no visa requirements for citizens of neighbouring countries, they have a common currency making the boundaries blurred and creating a oneness amongst them-selves. They can spend more on making life better for everyone rather than on defense budgets. The Berlin wall came down and China opened its doors to become the economic powerhouse it now is.

The soccer and cricket league is no small contribution towards the oneness concept as players from around the world form one team. It can be a huge pillar to build a bridge between neighbouring warring countries. However making use of it will need more maturity.

These are brilliant signs and my hopes are high but like Bob Dylan says, how many deaths will it take till we've known, that too many people have died, the answer my friend, is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind.

Bob Dylan, another example of a superior human being when asked why he thought he deserved the life time achievement award at the Grammy awards, said that he was ready with the answer but he forgot.

Mahatma Gandhi, was he a superior human being, he never claimed to be one, he was humble to the extent of spinning yarn for his own clothes.

Even Alexander the Great, realized at the end of his life, albeit a little too late, the foolishness of his battles. Then he brilliantly taught the world what he had learnt the hard way by keeping his hands out of the coffin.

You come here empty handed and leave here empty handed. I wonder how much intelligence it takes to see this plain and simple truth.

Man has made reverse progress. We have a lot of everything and no clue of what we really need. The more things we have outside, the emptier we have become inside. A Tibetan tale tells of a Buddhist monk who using his intelligence invented the aircraft and a submarine but on completion destroyed his creation. He was intelligent enough to know that his invention was at best a curious diversion for mankind.

"Do what you like....." in its truest form is a search within. It takes your mind off the distractions and aligns you to finding your calling, your purpose of existence. It takes you close to god.

While writing this book and on many occasions during my programs and otherwise, I get a distinct feeling of being on auto mode. I am aware of what I am doing but not doing it myself. I get just the right words at the right moment which clarifies and convinces people beyond my capabilities. On one occasions, it was an SMS that clarified a point on trust, I could not have made that point in a hundred years. Some of the ideas in this book have been formed while I have been writing. I would sit to write and the words would just flow, connecting one part to another thus forming a whole.

I am sure that the work I do is being done through me and I can claim no credit for it. Very often people say that we could not have done such and such a thing if it wasn't for you. I do not think it has anything to do with me. If at all, it's they who made it happen or it was just meant to happen.

I think that we are moving towards a world that will be very close to the ideal, if not the ideal. What I see happening is revolutionary and has broken many boundaries. If you see websites like Orkut & Facebook, they are blurring personal boundaries and creating worlds without strangers. A Reliance blog advertisement tagline says "In my world there are no strangers, what's your world?" clearly we have two worlds, the old cautious, suspicious and traditional world and the changing new world of openness, adventure and oneness.

I think if we kill the US (not to be read as United States but us as in we) and THEM, we would have progressed and I think we are headed in that direction. It may not be thanks to all that we are doing and making it happen, it may simply be the way things are meant to be, but the things that are happening, the literature that's being read, like this book and international events are all pointing towards blurring the difference between US and THEM. Economic changes in one country in the west are affecting countries in the east, wonderful! We can no longer celebrate someone else's failure as it's becoming our loss too.

When I was in Mt. Abu, I visited a park made by the Bhrama Kumaris. They have a calendar which divides a 50,000 year period into four 12,500 years periods. It gives names to these periods and according to them we are in the final 28 years of the bad period termed Kalyug. According to them mankind will enter Satyug where everything is just perfect in the next 28 years.

I am not sure if all this is true but I, for one will surely play my part if mankind is to progress into Satyug. I am excited to see a world which John Lennon dreamed and wrote about in his song "Imagine". I hope you play your part too.

### Dumb Asses – A story by Issac Asimov.

Issac Assimov, one of my favourite science fiction author, wrote a story called Dumb Asses. Let me give you a gist of the story and what I understood Assimov was trying to say.

A council of the universe is traveling around the universe and rating the various species for the growth they have achieved. They have some standard questions. Has the race developed vehicles for mobility? Have they used all modes of transport nature has offered them? Some questions like these formed level one. The higher level questions were like have they been in space? Have they reached other planets? Followed by questions like have they understood matter and energy? Can they convert matter into energy and questions on quantum physics?

What the council reported shook the entire universe. Humans were the most progressive species in the entire universe. The head of the council, himself decided to pay a visit to this race, the greatest race. He made some initial inquires and all of them pointed to the supremacy of this race, but one question was not yet answered. Once this question was answered, humans would be declared the greatest species of the universe.

Preparations for the celebrations were done and all the stars and planets of the solar system were painted to create the most amazing spectacle the universe had ever seen. It was only a matter of time that they would find out the planet on which humans had conducted their nuclear tests of converting matter into energy.

All the best computers were put on search but could not locate the planet on which humans changed matter into energy. Finally the check was exhausted and no planet or star was reported to being used for the experiments.

It was unconceivable to the council but the search pointed to the only planet left, their home planet earth. No one in the council even thought of checking the home planet of the humans, the Earth. One check and it revealed that humans had conducted not one but several explosions on their home planet, some even killing many of their own kind.

The file created for the greatest race in the universe was sought by the head council himself and with his own hand he scribbled DUMB ASSES in the rating section.

While the story shows the reverse progress that mankind has achieved, it also shows that more people like Assimov have evolved to help mankind through this step. Assimov is clearly seeing the concept of "WE" instead of US and THEM. What the race achieves is a result of what all of us do collectively and not one against another.

### One.

While this is not a spiritual book, the source of power required to follow your calling or "do what you like" is. Materialism and spiritualism are not mutually exclusive, in the search of knowledge, people have often found that religiously doing what they like has provided them wealth beyond their expectations. It is said that if you chase money, you will be doing things that will give you some but if you chase your passion, or follow your calling, money will chase you. People have paid me whatever I have asked for. It will be the same for whoever who stays on the path.

"Do what you like..." will surely help you do what you like. It shows the process of reaching your own higher self by setting your goal and following it till you find your life's purpose. It will help you overcome your fears and take the plunge. You will struggle and reach your goal. It's no magic, just simple logic of why you will always meet your goals.

You will achieve one goal after another until you find that all struggles disappears and the journey becomes enjoyable. You will experience goalless ness. You will know you have reached "do what you like..." do what you like is naturally tuned to the benefit of all. The more you do, the more you and people around you benefit.

These are the first glimpses of the oneness that exists. Dualities merge into one, paradoxes are no longer mystical. The focus of my work is to help people realize that if they work well together, in other words as a team, they will automatically achieve a lot more. The more I am able to help people achieve more, the more my program sells. When everyone around me is doing well, it is easier for me to do well too.

It is easier to create collective success than individual success by beating everyone around. The concept of winning undergoes a transformation and when this happens, you see more of the oneness that exists.

From being like a cricket or football match where beating the other team means winning, it is transformed into something like enhancing the standard of a game so that more people are attracted towards it. Winning is a by product.

Mr. Sanath Jayasurya of the Sri Lankan cricket team revolutionized the way cricket was being played by attacking the bowlers when the ball was new. He started scoring within the first few minutes of the game and gave his team a huge advantage. Slowly some other players adopted the same style till it became the norm of the game. Sanath became a star and Sri Lanka won the world cup, cricket is watched by more people now, than ever before.

This is not just winning for your own self but ensuring that the people around you are benefited. It's about increasing the pie, not seeing that my slice of the pie should be larger than anyone else's.

In the industry that I work, the outdoor experiential learning, we have a few players. Together we must make this area the most suited for learning, we must share our experiences of what works and what does not, thereby increasing the existing pie. Although there is a fair amount of cross learning that happens as we invite others and conduct programs together, I think a lot more will be done once the concept of winning is transformed.

I have taught and trained my so called competitors and have guided them through different situations they encountered. I know if they do a good job, our industry will grow and all of us in it will benefit. Unless you understand the oneness that exists, the concept of winning will not change and you will be unable to help your competition. You will not be able to see all the help multiply and come back to you.

In a sense, you are not helping your competition but helping yourself. Therefore being selfless is the most beneficial thing that you do to your self.

All this is very ideal or altruistic for the real world, makes a good read but cannot be applied in the real world. I face these comments very often at the beginning of the program. The reason is very simple, people cannot see the relationship between cause and effect as the time lag between the two is usually large. The time lag between you helping your competitor and the favour being returned can be years, in the meantime it would appear that he benefits at your cost.

Gautam Buddha made this connection between cause and effect very simple and this is the very reason why Buddhism has gained so much popularity. The steps to enlightenment were simply stated. Do this in such and such way and this will happen. It removes the mysticism and clarifies the cause and effect relationships to the extent that people can see and understand them.

In my own humble way, I have designed games and events which make people see the cause and effect without the time lag. The benefits of collaborating versus competing are obvious and through these programs, they can be seen by all. For some it's a revelation, for some it's life changing, while for others it's reinforcement. People understand the operation of the laws of Karma and have more faith to display collaborative behaviour.

The key is to show them the benefits. It is not just the right thing to do, the reason to follow a collaborative path is not philanthropy or altruistic, it's simply the most beneficial path for the self. The easiest way to succeed is to help others succeed. It's no wonder that employees, who help their bosses succeed, succeed themselves. There is tremendous power in knowing that you are doing the right thing and having faith that it will pay off. **The ability to have conviction during the time lag is invaluable.**

Power creates possibilities. Power is the ability to take action, action to choose a path, power to stay on it, courage to have conviction of doing the right thing. Power is not about having control over things or people, it's the ability to act, its overcoming fear and doubt, to do your Karma. Power is the ability to find your Karma and do it.

In this last part I will try to summarize the key points of "Do what you like..."

While many of us are now on the path of "doing what we love..." most of us are still largely doing work that is required to be done to make a living. This kind of work is rarely productive and is hardly enjoyable. It's simply a mismatch between what your calling is and what you are doing. This is also the cause of unhappiness in people's lives. While it seems very difficult to quit doing what we are doing and pursue our calling, in reality it's only our fear that traps us. The process of touching our higher selves frequently as described in the goal setting process allows us to gently handle our fears and taste success. This leads us to finding our calling and the joy of doing what we love to do. This aligns for the betterment of everyone around and creates success for others, thereby creating success for itself. It leads to better understanding of the spiritual concepts of oneness and Karma as paths to tread on. This understanding leads to greater success and happiness. At a certain level, a happy life is a measure of a successful life. The book in that sense is holistic in its approach to growth, it shows that spiritual growth and material well being go hand in hand and are not contradictory. In many ways this book is path breaking and will empower individuals to create a better life for themselves and thus a better world. On a large scale it will help countries to reduce their spending on weapons of destruction and channel their resources towards the betterment of their people and the people of the neighbouring countries.

The knowledge in this book will make it possible for you to follow your dreams and make enough money while doing so, it makes life beautiful and worth living every minute.

### Levels of Existing

For you to measure the progress you are achieving, I have put down ten stages of existence. Each stage is described for you to determine where you are and what the next stage would be like.

1. Survive.

a. A struggle for survival

b. Struggle to make ends meet

c. Hate work and have severe Monday morning blues

d. Feel you are working as a slave

2. Search for meaning.

a. High frustration at the way life is moving

b. Struggle to find purposeful work

3. Find meaning.

a. Excited about something

b. Eager to try out new found venture

3. Working alone in pursuit of meaning

a. Handling fear and jumping into it.

b. Working day and night to make the idea operational

4. Finding like minded people

a. Finding people doing similar work

b. Finding people who are excited about the idea to work with.

5. Forming small teams to create greater impact.

a. Creating a small team working towards the common goal

b. Accelerating success for all within the team

6. Leading teams

a. Creating excitement for value additions.

b. Innovating to create even better products

c. Wanting people in the team to achieve their highest selves

7. Leading organizations.

a. Becoming a force with hundreds of people

b. Becoming a snowball gaining momentum and force

8. Influencing thought beyond boundaries.

a. Enlightened insights that initiate thought processes across boundaries

b. Taking mankind towards a higher level of existence

9. Transforming cultures.

a. Changing the way people think and behave

b. Creating the world that would be our pride.

While there are other levels of existence, these are sufficient to guide us towards being the change we want to see in the world.

### Perfection

In search of something that has already found us

We love to go to places of natural beauty, to the mountains, to the forests, to lakes and sea shores. We also like to see places of man made beauty like the Taj Mahal, the Pyramids, etc. They all have a perfection that we love. Each mountain seems to be perfect, each river, each plant, each leaf, each spider, each snow flake and each grain of sand on the beach seems to be perfect. We are surrounded by perfection.

In other words, things are just the way they are supposed to be. A big majestic tree standing in front of me spends its life on the same spot as it was born and these Siberian cranes fly all the way from Russia over the Himalayas for their food, both so different yet so perfect.

In these places it is so easy to see the perfection of creation. I then see a lonely hut high on a mountain and decide to have a look, possibly get some food for lunch. I am received by two men with a smile and provided with the most comfortable place in their hut. They offer me freshly grown vegetables grown just outside their hut. Fresh greens, just a perfect mountain lunch. To me it seemed like a perfect life, a peaceful, self sustained existence.

I move closer to the city and visit a restaurant to have coffee, we had some freshly brewed coffee, it was just as I would have liked it.

In the city I conduct some training programs which were perfect. I reach home and get the perfect embrace of my wife and daughters. Through this period of about twenty days, I had to deal with two medical emergency situations, they however could not change the experience of perfection I was having, they actually added to the perfection.

These places highlight the perfection around us and I highly recommend that people should spend considerable time in places of natural beauty. How else will they realize that they are part of the same perfect existence and they too are perfect. God does not make faulty pieces.

What exists, with all of us is perfect. Our world with all the violence, men killing men and all the rest, our insecurities, jealousies, fears is still the perfect place for us. Since it is perfect there is nothing that needs to be changed. What it is, with so much of good and a little bit of bad is a perfect reflection of who we are. As the bible says, we reap what we sow.

The money that we make, the cars that we drive, the house that we stay is perfectly balanced with what we are worth, what we deserve, we get and nothing in the world can stop it from happening. If you believe that you are not getting what you deserve, you are questioning the law of the universe, it is much easier to question yourself.

The knowledge that everything around us is perfect removes the entire gamut of negativity from our beings. You are freed from suffering, sorrow, anger, hatred the minute you see this perfection. It's like attaining enlightenment.

The immediate question that most people ask me, if everything is perfect and nothing needs to change, then why do anything. Anyways destiny will do what it pleases. They also ask me that if I believe that everything is perfect, why do I keep training people and doing all the things that I do.

The answer to these questions are everywhere in nature. When a fruit matures and falls, it is the perfectly matured fruit. Lying on the ground, it dries and provides the perfect nourishment to the seed. The seed germinates into a new perfect plant. Even if it does not germinate, it is the perfect nourishment for the bacteria which make the soil perfect for another perfect plant. A flowing river, from the glacier, through waterfalls, rapids, patches of seemingly calm water and the delta entering the sea is all perfect. Perfection is not static but flowing. The outcome of the seed will be decided by the bacteria, which acts on it. It could emerge as a perfect manure for another plant or a perfect plant. The outcomes are perfect either ways. The bacteria is not concerned about what will be the outcome of its action, it acts in the moment to give an outcome according to the law of reaping what you sow. Like the bacteria, we do things in the present, we do things without the understanding of perfection and thus with feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, jealousy, greed, etc. Then the law of reaping what we sow takes over with perfection and creates a perfect outcome. The outcome has more of fear, anger, anxiety, jealousy, greed, etc. Our actions therefore should not be governed by negativities and we know that if we can involve ourselves in the moment, negativities do not exist.

To "do what you like..." you will need a great amount of focus to bring into reality your dreams, it will automatically force you to involve yourself and bring you closer and closer to the moment, thus eliminating all negativities from your life. Once that happens, the law of the universe takes over and provides you with a life of your dreams.

I want to see a world where there is no suffering, no violence, no poverty, no jealousy, no wars - only happiness and a brotherhood of man.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one,

I hope someday, you'll join us,

And the world will live as one.

John Lennon

