- Now, Coffee, were you
being a little bitch?
- Dickless milk fart.
- What?
(Coffee babbles)
(upbeat rhythmic music)
- I own a sea bass fishery.
Black people don't do stuff like that.
I own a racehorse.
I invested in a Broadway musical, man.
What do you think timeshare means?
Remember when you came in my office
and I had cocaine all over the place?
I told you I won the March
Madness bracket in May?
This is Detroit, baby.
The D.
- You're scared because for
the first time in your life
you realize you got something to lose.
My love!
You think you're scared now?
Wait until we adopt a kid from Suriname!
And we're one big happy fucking family!
And when we make love,
we're gonna cum in unison.
Because we know each other's body rhythms!
- Sounds like--
- The fuck?
- And then after sex, guess what?
- [Man] What?
- It's cuddle time all night!
And guess what else?
I'm the little spoon!
And in the morning, you'll
wake up, oh, where's Coffee?
What's that smell?
Oh, coffee's in the
kitchen wearing your shirt,
making you pancakes!
- Why you being so romantic
with this motherfucker?
- I think I'm super high
on cocaine right now.
- Yeah.
- Now Watts, why did you threaten
to shove his balls in his mouth
after you cut them off
and stuck 'em in his ass?
- Captain, I was simply trying to motivate
Officer Coffee to kill himself.
I knew his ex-wife.
She describes his dick as a,
you know a vegetable gyoza?
If you through that in a
hot bath for six years.
I mean, I like Chinese food and hot baths,
but I don't want that combo
anywhere near my face.
Your dick is like if you
took a single gnocchi,
left it in the rain in England 1942,
very sad looking gnocchi,
put it in a museum,
forget about it, roughly 30
years, go back, there it is.
This roundabout reminds
me of the revolving door
between your wife's pussy
and the Pistons locker room!
I asked your ex-wife how
the basketball game was
and she said I don't know, I
couldn't see from my knees.
She swallowed so much semen,
her stomach is literally a sperm aquarium!
Lesbians are dying to sample from it!
Your ex-wife had so much
semen in her stomach,
if she threw up on her own pussy,
nine months later, she'd give
birth to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!
Your ex-wife has banged so
many basketball players,
she put a tampon up there
and it was like Sandra
Bullock in "Gravity"!
Like, (screams).
(upbeat rhythmic music)
