Donald Trump. John McCain. Louis C.K.
I never met any of these men, and yet over the past few weeks,
I have spent more time with them than with my own family,
arguing online over their deeds and words, and I know I'm not the only one.
Twitter was raging over John McCain's death.
Should he be praised as a war hero that served his country honorably?
Or should he be criticized for his actions as a US senator and presidential candidate?
You took a side didn't you?
So did I.
But the real question I should have been asking is:
Why did I spend all day tweeting about John McCain's funeral,
the funeral of a stranger, when I didn't even attend my own grandfather's funeral?
Do you know how much Grandma Rose would have appreciated me being there?
Even if I was live-tweeting it?
Louie C.K. returned to stand-up with a spot at the Comedy Cellar.
I wasn't there, but the online conversation made it feel like I was.
Questions arose, questions like:
should a man who admitted to sexual misconduct be allowed to return to the stage?
And this soon?
I typed thousands of words on the topic that no one paid me to type.
You didn't get paid either, did you?
Did you?
I was behaving like I was personally involved, as if I were one of his victims,
and that it was up to me whether or not he should be forgiven.
When I should have been focusing on asking my wife to forgive me for being insensitive at times,
distant, off in my own world, refreshing my browser and notifications,
waxing poetic about a pervert who doesn't even know I exist.
Oh my god.
There's so much I could be doing in my life
instead of spending hours each day on social media
fighting with some random a**holes over topics that have no bearing on my day to day.
I could try meditation,
working out, writing the Great American Novel,
learning to cook, reading to blind children, whitewater rafting, watching TV, taking an improv class,
cleaning my garage, taking Tae Bo lessons.
How many times have I replied to something Donald Trump tweeted with something like: "This is not normal."
But you know what's not normal?
This. This is not normal.
Sure, it feels good when one of your politically charged tweets
gets a bunch of likes from people who think just like yourself,
but it doesn't compare to the feeling of a hug from your own child.
A child that probably won't exist if I don't stop tweeting at Trump and start having sex with my wife.
Seriously guys, let's all step away from the hatred and the anger of social media,
and have sex with my wife instead.
I mean our wives...
we all have different wives, okay?
I'm gonna start.
Right after I tweet this out.
When you finally break free of the social media prison, what are you going to do first?
Let us know in the comments.
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