-Hey, everybody! The powers that
be have asked me to come back
and play a new game
with you folks.
Now, I'm not sure why
they keep asking me back.
I told 'em, "Listen, these new
games are confusing
as all get-out to me."
Anyhow, today's game
is called Turbo Dismount.
Let's do it to it, guys.
Okay, we got a guy
who looks an awful lot
like Orange on a skateboard
here cruisin' along.
Gotta say,
so far this game's great.
Oh. I popped a wheelie.
How exciting.
Oh, I'm airborne!
This will end poorly; I know it!
Oh! I wonder if he broke
his hip. I'll tell you what.
You do NOT want to break a hip.
Makes it real tough
to walk to school,
especially if it's uphill both
ways like it was for me.
[chuckles]
Okay, I'm gonna land this one.
I can feel it in my hip.
Might be helpful if
I could see what it was
I'm peddling towards, but...
What in the Sam Hill is that
big a ramp doing there?!
Aah!
And that gave me points
for falling like that?
Well, my guy's not dancing now.
Kinda twitching, though.
Maybe some possible
nerve damage.
He should probably see a doctor.
Well, looks like
we got Pear this time.
Nice car, Pear.
[chuckles]
I'm not sure how to... hmm.
I keep changing his seat
for some reason.
What? No! Who on Earth
clings to the bumper like that?
Why is that even an option?
Is there an undo button
on this thing or-- oh, well.
Look at him just wigglin' around
like some tap-dancing
Spider-Man or somethin'.
Good riddance. I'm never letting
that guy near a bumper again.
Oh, would you look at this? This
one looks like my first car.
Well, I mean,
mine had a hand crank on front
and the headlights
had to be liquid candles,
but it's darn close.
I have such fond memories of--
[screams] Barrel roll from
out of nowhere! Oh, no!
Looks like he's fallen
and he can't get up.
Hopefully he's
wearing his Life Alert.
That actually reminds me,
I should probably put mine on.
This video game's
getting intense.
Oh, I like that paint job.
[chuckles]
Who do we got in the driver's
seat here? Looks like...
Is that me?
Oh.
False alarm, it's Grapefruit.
Grandpa Lemon forgot his
glasses today, kids. [chuckles]
Well,
I think I'm starting to figure
this game out a little bit.
Seems like the bigger your
crash, the bigger your score.
So here we go for a real doozy.
Oh! Jettison onto the
overpass and everything!
If my skull gets
run over by traffic,
does that get me extra points?
New high score! Whoo-hoo!
We're definitely
watching this one again.
Up onto the overpass,
nailed by traffic.
Boy, I've never been so happy
to watch somebody die before.
[chuckles]
Where's your protein shakes now,
Grapefruit?
The overpass is probably
my favorite level.
Time to attack it
with my favorite car.
Oh, don't you even think
about getting on that bumper.
I don't know what button
I keep hitting
for that seat-changing stuff,
but I sure don't like it.
Wow, would you look
at that hang time?
Good air, good traffic.
This was even better
than the last one. [chuckles]
He's even mixed up like
a pretzel and everything.
I bet this score's gonna be--
[gasps]
It is! New high score!
I believe I will relive the
replay, thank you very much.
See, when I was a kid,
we didn't have seatbelts.
No, sir. Heck, we didn't even
have seats till my buddy Jack
invented the seat for a
middle-school science fair.
Incidentally, Jack also
invented the horsebelt.
You know? For riding your horse.
That one never really
caught on though.
Now that's a car I'd like to get
my nonexistent hands on
right there. Plenty of space.
I mean, look at the size
of that back seat.
I wish I had legs
just so I could get me some
of that leg room. [chuckles]
I bet its gas mileage
is horrific but-- oh!
Did you see how I
catapulted my guy?
That was remarkable.
Just jettisoned him right
outta there like a body bullet.
[chuckles] This game is really
starting to win me over.
Heavens to Betsy,
is that a semi truck?
I got to pay the semi truck
before I go.
Looks like we got a--
is that a loop-de-loop ahead?
Oh, this might be
my new favorite level.
Lemme at it!
This feels like something outta
The Dukes of Hazzard.
And I definitely don't
have the speed I need.
Nope,
this is not gonna end well.
Oh, wait. I got around?
The laws of physics need
not apply, folks. [chuckles]
I wonder what-- oh!
It's a wall. Oh, boy.
The laws of physics really
caught up with me
in the end there.
Should've worn my seatbelt.
If you had worn your seatbelt,
you wouldn't have gotten me
a new high score! All right!
[chuckles]
That's a cherry on top
of an already successful gaming
outing if I do say so myself.
Eat your heart out, PewDiePie.
[chuckles]
I'll tell ya what, kids.
When I was your age, I wasn't
playing anything like this.
For me, it was just
a whole bunch of
backgammon and hoop stick.
Consider yourselves fortunate.
Now,
if you've got any other games
you'd like to subject
Grandpa Lemon to,
just mention them in
the comments below
and maybe I'll oblige.
Till next time, nap on, kiddos!
[snoring]
-Hazards are getting
tougher and tougher,
but I'M getting
tougher and tougher too.
Go ahead and ask
me if I'm scared yet.
"Little Apple, are you scared?"
to your computer screen.
Say it right now.
No, I'm not scared.
I'm not scared.
NOT EVEN OF THIS WATER.
[holding back screams]
I'm not scared of the...
