Unlike the Republicans,
we have an actual woman
who can give us her perspective
on how this bill
impacts women's health.
Michelle Wolf, everybody.
(cheering, applause)
Thank you. Thank you.
Hello, Trevor, hello.
So, Michelle, let's just
get straight into it.
What do you make
of this health care bill?
Oh, I'm not sure this is a bill
as much as it's a line
from a Notorious B.I.G. song.
Republicans were just like,
♪ (bleep) bitches, get money. ♪
Now that's a health care plan,
baby, baby.
Well, I mean, Michelle, at least
Biggie loved the ladies, right?
I mean, seriously,
look at the senators
who we're trusting
with health care.
That doesn't look like the panel
that protects women.
That looks like the panel
that says, "Well, she drowned.
"Guess she wasn't a witch.
Throw in another one."
13 white guys and no women.
13 white guys
and no women.
In that group they were able
to get two Mormons,
but no women.
Which is weird for Mormons,
'cause normally
they want extra women.
I mean, you'd think
they'd at least
put Mike Pence in that group
so his wife would
have to be there, too.
Well... well, to be fair...
to be fair, Michelle,
just because this bill
is being worked on by only men
doesn't mean that
they can't be fair to women.
Oh, sure, I mean,
they could be fair to us,
but this is what
they've done so far.
REPORTER:
 The bill, in its current form,
 would hit women
 especially hard.
 For example,
 women who are pregnant,
 have had a previous C-section,
 have irregular periods,
 have breast cancer
 and endometriosis,
 among others,
 could all be slapped
 with the pre-existing
 condition label,
 opening up the door
 for insurers
 to potentially
 deem them uninsurable.
I'm sorry, you'd have to pay
extra for insurance
if you get irregular periods?
Okay, quick glimpse
into a lady's life.
Every period
is an irregular period.
It's not like a paycheck,
where it arrives
on the same day every month.
Your period is more like
an outdoor cat.
You know it's gonna
come back at some point,
but you're never positive when,
and you have no idea
what it's gonna have
in its mouth.
(cheering, applause)
What is that?
The only thing regular
about a period
is that it sucks.
Am I right, Trevor?
-Oh, I don't know if I...
-Yeah.
See? Men can't even
talk about periods
without getting squeamish.
Even our president
is uncomfortable with periods.
That's why he never uses them
in sentences, exclamation point.
In fact, I think that's the only
way to fix this problem.
Women just need to show up
in Washington.
Oh, like a...
like another march.
No, we just need
to go into congress
and talk about periods.
The men will disappear
like a boner
when you smell grandma.
And then us women can
handle this (bleep) ourselves.
And don't worry, congressmen,
under our plan,
we'll cover assholes.
