 
## SANITY SIPHONED

By

### Isabelle Arocho

isabellearocho.com

Copyright 2012 Isabelle Arocho

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free eBook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form with proper credit to the author.

Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's mind and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organization, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

### OTHER NOVELS BY ISABELLE AROCHO

Set in Celestin City:

Sinfully Departed (Zoe Langston #1)

Blood Sins (Zoe Langston #2)

Sin of Hope (Zoe Langston #3)

Deceptions (Evie Cortez #1)

Anticipations (Evie Cortez #2)

Death Says Hello (Holly Garrett #1)

Other:

Games We Play

## Chapter 1

Julienne was happy for her mother when she landed the job she wanted last month and she was happy again for her mother when she became good friends with one of her co-workers. She wasn't happy when she found out that co-worker was the mother of Michael Gregory and they were coming over for dinner that week.

The thought of having him in her home scared Julienne right down to her core. It wasn't an overly dramatic reaction, oh no, he terrified her and she had good reason for it.

He had been bullying her for the last two years, from the first day she stepped foot into _that_ high school. When it came to bullying she could deal with the teasing, whispers behind her back, and the occasional prank, she had been dealing with it most of her life. Except Michael took it to a whole new level. He was blunt with his dislike for her. And why did he dislike her? Simply because she was different. She was the girl that liked to blend in and hope no one noticed her. He made sure she didn't get her wish every moment of every weekday.

He spread vile rumors, laughed in her face, and more times than not made sure she felt his dislike physically on top of mentally when he'd not too kindly bump into her or stuck his foot out to make sure she fell flat on her face.

She hated him but she hated herself more. She hated that she couldn't stand up for herself, that she was a terrified little girl who didn't know how to defend herself.

Her mother tried to help over the years but Julienne Teller was a lost cause after all and a coward. She couldn't even muster up enough strength to tell her own mom about Michael and how it'd kill her to spend an evening with him. She was an only child and from she knew so was he, therefore at dinner they'd be expected to entertain each other.

She cried for hours when the dreaded night finally arrived. She continued to cry as she put on the dress her mother beg she wear. Mrs. Teller wanted to make a good impression on Patricia Gregory and her family.

Julienne combed her normally unkempt, long, black hair and refused to do anything more. It was her curtain to hide behind and it was a lifeline she couldn't give up. Her legs were actually in pain with every step she took away from her room and into the hell awaiting.

"Julie, come on." Her mother motioned with her hand for her to hurry as the doorbell rang for a second time. "Have you been crying?"

She stared blankly at her mother and said nothing; she never said anything during incredibly tense moments. It was normal for her to go days without speaking. Knowing this, her mother continued to usher her to the door. "Hi!" she greeted the Gregory's with her biggest smile. "Come in, come in."

Before Julienne took refuge in staring at the carpeted floor she noticed the look of pure disgust that over took Michael's face. He must've not realized where his parents were dragging him off to for the night.

Her mother continued completely oblivious, she worked well like that. "This is my daughter Julienne, sweetie this is Patricia."

Julienne forced her grey eyes up and smiled unsteadily at the woman as she shook her hand. The older woman's expression turned into what looked like pity but she said nothing on the subject and went on to introduce her husband and son. She boasted about how well Michael did in school and how he was on the soccer team.

Hearing how she gushed about him made Julienne want to cry again. Yeah he was the perfect junior student, sure he was, she thought bitterly while wishing she could take all the anger bubbling in her chest and use it to tarnish Michael's perfect exterior.

The parents went into the kitchen where dinner was still being cooked while the 'children' stayed in the living room. Julienne never prayed harder for the world to open up and end her misery.

"This was a surprise." Michael commented while she kept her eyes down on the carpet. "Not a pleasant one though. The last place I ever wanted to step foot was in your place. It's nicer than I thought, the way you carry your self I thought you lived in some rat hole."

Julienne said nothing and waited for his offensive observations to worsen.

"What's with the dress?" at the mention of it she tightened her sweater tighter around her chest. "Your mom forced you into it." he stated. "She must really want to impress my folks. Geezus, you don't even speak in your own home? You are a bigger freak than I thought and trust me that shouldn't even be possible." He walked up to her and bent to see her eyes, when he couldn't he used his hand to tilt her chin up.

Julienne stepped back. She never replied to his endless remarks but when he touched her she reacted. Touching was something she didn't take easily.

"Ah, she springs to life. Sometimes I wonder if you like when I touch you since it's the only time you respond, but I have to tell you the thought of having sex with you is the most disgusting thing I could imagine. I think I'd rather go gay." He chuckled at his own humorless jokes. "This would be so much more fun if you fucking actually spoke."

Julienne swallowed hard and winced at the screaming inside her head. She wanted him to leave her alone; she wanted to yell at him that she wasn't there to be his plaything.

He reached for her again, this time by the shoulders. "I know you're not a mute, I've heard you talk in class when the teachers force you to." His strong grip tightened until he got what he wanted.

"Let go." She whispered.

Her pain and small broken voice brought a smile to his face. "Now was that so hard?"

The doorbell rung again and he let her go. Confusion filled her mind, who was at the door now? Her mother and Mrs. Gregory came out of the room. "Oh that's my other son Shane, I told him to meet us here after class." Patricia clarified.

Michael wasn't an only child after all. Julienne didn't move from her spot near the back of the living room and watched while the new guest was welcomed. Shane was a taller, older version of his brother; short dark brown hair and cool blue eyes. He smiled politely at her mother as they were introduced and next she introduced Julienne. Shane was nice enough about it but like his brother he was probably good at putting on the perfect lie.

Much to her chagrin she was left alone with the both of them.

"Is she ok?" Shane asked his brother.

"Remember I told you about her? She's a total basket case, just ignore her."

"Dude, she's standing right there and you're in her house." He slapped him upside the head. "Mom taught you better than that." The room fell into an even more awkward silence. "Um, Julienne right?"

"She won't answer you." Michael said smugly while falling into one of the sofas.

"I'm going to pound on you, shut up." He warned his brother before walking over to where she stood; far away from them.

Her mental stability was on overload, she was ready to lose it at any moment. With a firm grasp on her fear and the need to prove Michael wrong she looked at Shane. "What?"

"Whoa." Michael jumped from his seat and ran over to the other side of the living room. "That's a record, how'd you do that?" he asked his brother. "Maybe she likes you; I've heard she'd give it up pretty quick."

Julienne's body started to shake with rage. Those remarks bothered her the most. She was a virgin who had never even been kissed but because of Michael and his lies she had the reputation of a slut willing to do whatever whenever.

She couldn't take anymore; it was either walk away or break down crying in front of the enemy. With the Gregory brothers focused on each other she made her escape into the kitchen.

"Julie," her mother beamed. "I was just about to call you. Make the salad while we go get the dinning room ready."

She nodded and watched the retreating adults before embarking on her task. Making a salad was pretty simple, she had done it a hundred times but this salad would forever be different.

It started off like all the others; she went into the fridge and pulled out all the supplies. She cut the lettuce and tomato with ease. When she reached the onion things changed. She held it in her left hand while cutting slivers with her right hand. This time she cut herself. The onion fell from her hand but the knife remained.

Her red blood dripped into the pretty green lettuce. Her eyes became transfixed on the macabre of it all. Mindlessly she dragged the blade farther into her hand.

"Holy shit!" it was Michael who yelled. She barely heard him from through her daze; it was as if he was somewhere very far away.

Someone grabbed her wrist and took the knife away, everything grew more hectic after that as her mother came rushing into the kitchen.

### Chapter 2

"I'm sorry." Julienne whispered to her mother from where she lay in the hospital room. The cut had been deep and required stitches. The doctor also wanted her to spend the night for 'observation.'

Ellen Teller shook her head and frowned sadly, her eyes were red from the tears that had now dried. "What happened?"

"I don't know." She couldn't put what she felt in the kitchen into words, it was as if she checked out and someone else took over for a moment.

"It wasn't an accident Julienne, that much is clear but I cannot figure out why you would hurt yourself. I know having people over isn't something you like but this....I don't understand." Her shoulders sank in defeat.

Julienne's frown deepened. "Yes you do." She spoke with a trembling whisper. "It was my fault." She said, speaking about her father and little cousin who were killed in an accident she caused nearly three years ago, it was the reason they hade moved to a new town, that and all the hate her extended family expressed. Her mother had hoped for a fresh start away from the memories. "Dad looked away from the road because of me." it was a conversation they had many times before and every time her mother would protest and try to push it back under the rug.

Ellen lived every day as if the tragedy never happened. They each had their way of coping. "I keep hoping with time you'd deal with this better but you're only getting worse. I'm worried and I think it's time you consider seeing someone."

"A shrink? Do you want to lock me away in a pretty, padded, white room?"

She sighed and sat along the bed. "On one hand I want you to take this seriously and on the other I'm relieved to hear you using sarcasm." She grabbed her daughter's hand and looked into her eyes. "What do you suggest we do?"

Julienne shrugged her shoulders and hoped she could keep her guilt in check before making another disastrous mistake. "I'll try to hide it better in front of others. I'm sorry about your friend...." Worse than that, she wanted to strangle herself for making such an error in front of Michael Gregory. He'd tell the whole school by Monday, calling everyone over the weekend to joke about how unstable Julienne finally lost it.

Ellen stood and hugged her daughter. "Get some rest."

~*~

The last thing Julienne wanted was for her mother to baby her and miss a day of work. So when Monday rolled around and she asked, "Are you sure about going?"

Julienne nodded meekly and tried to smile. "I'll be fine."

She expected the whispers to be worse that morning as she walked to her locker. Except no one said anything, they didn't know about her visit to the hospital. Her hand was bandaged but no one asked questions. They normally stayed away from her until Michael and his friends started in on her, then the whole school would gather to watch her misery.

Thankfully her morning was uneventful, she didn't even see Michael. Maybe he moved on to someone else, she thought with hope.

Every bit of that hope was shattered when he cornered her during lunch. He grabbed her arm and pulled her inside an empty classroom while no one was looking. At least his torture would be private today. She really didn't want everyone to know about what happened in the privacy in her home.

"That was some crazy shit." He ran his hand through his short hair; it was barely long enough to cover his fingers. "Did I make you do that?"

Julienne blinked, surprised and confused she glanced at him then back away to the window behind him. Was he feeling guilty about his taunts? Hell must've frozen over. Now would've been the perfect time to snap and tell him now he made her life hell and take that guilt and shove it but as always she said nothing. If he'd start leaving her alone that would be enough.

"Julienne?" he sounded frustrated, it wasn't the first time he had said her name in the last minute. He gripped her shoulders. "There's no one here, talk to me."

Her frown deepened, it didn't matter if they had a crowd or not, why would she talk to him? He was a bigger idiot than she thought over the years.

One thing was clear in this usual turn of events; Michael wanted her attention. What he did next proved that. Gripping her shoulders he leaned in and kissed her.

Julienne's body tensed tighter than a wire pole, had he just done that? Enemies didn't go around kissing each other. She should feel disgusted but on top of her shock she thought it had felt almost nice. She didn't know how a kiss was supposed to feel but a kiss from Michael should have her running for the hills, and yet....here she stood.

A quick glance at his face again showed she wasn't the only one confused. Whatever he hoped to achieve with the kiss took a backseat as uncertainty laced his blue eyes. He shook his head and did the unthinkable; he kissed her again.

This kiss wasn't a quick peck on the lips. He urged her lips apart and used tongue, his hands moved from her shoulders up to her hair.

The tightness in her body turned into something different. She liked his kiss and wanted more. Her mom was right; she should visit a doctor because she must be insane to allow Michael Gregory to kiss her. She could've pushed his hands away and run out the room; she had done that before when he his abuse turned physical.

She opened her mind and tried to understand this. As he kissed her she didn't feel like a walking corpse, it was as if he was breathing life into her tortured soul. It was normal. That could be a reason, actually that was the big reason she partook in this crazy turn of events.

Michael ended the kiss but didn't move his hands; he stared down into her eyes. "Oh all the people to have chemistry with..." he mumbled.

Julienne understood what he meant. She had never looked at him in that way before, she didn't hold a secret a crush like most girls did and she was certain he didn't harbor one for her either. If he had never kissed her they would've known about the electric push and pull. She swallowed hard and made her lips move; they felt numb from his kiss. "Why did you do that?"

He smiled like a kid in a candy store. "To get you to talk."

"And the second kiss?"

Her boldness to mention it deepened his smile. "I wanted to."

With the way he was holding her she had no choice but to look into his eyes as he stared into hers. "That makes you a bigger freak than me."

He smiled. "Most definitely." His eyes darkened as he looked at her mouth. "You've never been touched like this before have you?" having run out of words she shook her head no. His eyes snapped back to hers. "Good. I don't want to share." He let her go and left the classroom.

Julienne stumbled on her feet, her mouth gaped open, as she stared at his retreating form. It hadn't been a joke, he really was crazier than she was.

### Chapter 3

For as long as Michael could remember he always confided in his older brother, because unlike everyone else he knew, Shane never repeated what others told him and always had some solid advice. "What you said bothered me so I asked Julienne if she cut herself because I was being an ass." He explained as they sat in his bedroom. Last night his brother laid into him about picking on a girl who was obviously already fragile.

"And?"

"What do you think? She didn't say anything and I really hate that so I kissed her." Half of the things he did to Julienne Teller was to get a reaction out of her. It was creepy seeing a living person act like a zombie and she made it so damn easy.

Shane sat up in his seat; his blue eyes went wide with disbelief. "You what?!"

Michael continued simply as if he didn't see his brother's outrage. He had never been good at factoring in other people's emotions and reactions. "That's not even the worst part. I kissed her because I thought it'd freak her out and she'd do something like push me away or scream. But I kissed her and there was this spark." He hadn't felt a spark like that since he first started peeking at girls in middle school. Girls now were boring; they all aimed to please him and had no personality.

"Dude," Shane shook his head. "This is a huge mistake."

"She felt it too. I kissed her again and she let me. Any time I touched her before she'd react and run for the nearest exit. Then after the kisses she actually spoke more than two words to me. She told me I was a bigger freak than her because I wanted to kiss her."

"Mike..."

He kept going. "God must really have a tripped out sense of humor. Here's this girl I've been picking on for years—don't say it I know it's wrong and I'm a big jackass but whatever—and now thinking about her gets me hard. What do I do?"

"Stay the hell away from her!"

The more outraged Shane got, the calmer Michael got. "Nope. Next suggestion."

"I swear mom must've found you on the side of the road with your head smashed in because you are so damn stupid. The girl has issues and yeah you make them worse, that's not romantic—"

"I didn't say anything about romance." He said with a scrunched up face.

Shane sighed and tightened his fists at his side to keep from punching his brother. "I'm going to put this into terms you understand. You can't fuck a girl you've tortured for years who also has unstable tendencies. It's not safe for her or you."

"Do you think she'll get all Fatal Attraction and boil my bunny?" he laughed.

"I hate you."

"Ah you love me." his smile widened. Michael liked to push people's buttons; it didn't matter if it was a stranger or his brother.

"Ok get your hyper ass under control and really listen to me. This isn't some game Mike, people's feelings really do matter so you have to stop being such a cold prick and leave this alone. It doesn't matter what you want or what spark there was."

With a loud groan Michael finally caved. "Fine. I'll try."

He made up his mind to avoid her at school because it was one thing to pick on someone for kicks but it was another matter when you knew they harmed themselves over the stress of life. He didn't want her killing herself because he made some bad jokes. He was a cold prick like Shane was fond of saying but he wasn't _that_ big of a jerk. He didn't want Julienne dead and especially not now when he was having wet dreams about her.

His promise to Shane to leave the situation alone lasted for only two days.

~*~

Julienne felt like she owed her mother and that was the only reason she agreed to accompany her to the Gregory residence for dinner. She and Patricia had decided to try having dinner again and Patricia suggested her home. After all Julienne didn't know where the knives were. No one said anything but she knew her lapse in mental stability was on everyone's mind.

Mr. and Mrs. Gregory looked at her with sad smiles. Shane was still at work and Michael looked at her with a smile that appeared as if he was a big cat that had just swallowed a canary. Julienne feared she was going to end up being the canary when he grabbed a hold of her wrist and announced he was going to show her around the house.

School had been more bearable now that he was ignoring her; she had stupidly hoped that would carry over to her visit at his house. She wanted to stay downstairs with her mom. She wasn't supposed to know what his bedroom looked like.

Now she did. That's where he took her to and made sure to close the door behind them. She stayed close to the white painted door while he sat on his full sized bed.

"I can't stop thinking about you." Michael confessed after a few very awkward minutes passed.

Julienne couldn't keep her words buried inside her head. The situation was too bizarre to stay silent through. "I thought you said you'd rather go gay than touch me."

He got off the bed and walked right up into her personal space. Her back flattened on his bedroom door. "That was before I saw that your eyes are the color of stormy clouds and kissing you really turns me on. You're not the only one who needs a padded room." his insults weren't as mean but they hadn't gone anywhere either.

She swallowed back hard and tried to ignore his closeness and the memory of the kiss that hung between them. "That has nothing to do with me." she whispered almost inaudibly.

"You want to pretend now that you don't know what I mean, that you didn't kiss me back?" He didn't handle rejection, even the weakest form, well.

Julienne pressed her back harder into the door and wondered if she pushed hard enough if she could go through it and escape to another realm where these problems didn't exist.

"Nope, uh-huh, you're not doing the silent-stare-behind-me weirdo thing." He cupped his hand along her jaw and made her look at him the same way he had done in that empty classroom. "I can be an asshole, we both know this, but I'm not the type of guy to force himself on a girl. I know you liked kissing me, I felt it, and we could be going at it right now if you'd admit it." with every other word he'd rub his lips dangerously close to hers.

Julienne's mouth fell open and she started stuttering. "I—I—no!"

"Liar...liar....pants on fire." He smiled at his own humor before sealing the space between them.

Just because they had kissed before didn't mean she was used to it. Her body tensed and froze in place. Her will power failed faster than it had in the class room, she surrendered quickly to his mouth and allowed him access into hers. He was right, she had kissed him back and unconsciously she was doing it now. His mouth was firm yet soft, the touch of his hand through her hair and his mouth molded perfectly across hers sent a tingle down her spine.

As twisted as it was she did like what he did to her, how easily he could shut down her thoughts and make her feel something other than pain. This is how people must've felt about drugs, she thought somewhere far in the back of her mind. It felt good but it wasn't good for you.

Her mind fell back into reality when he started tugging her toward his bed. Julienne found an ounce of strength and pushed him away. She shook her head, "Just because you lie about me being easy doesn't make it true." She wished she had a better come back than that, a string of words to properly express how he hurt her with those lies.

Michael was amused rather than hurt by another dose of rejection. "You're really spoiling me with all these sentences." He sat back on his bed and eyed her slowly. "You gonna make me work for it?"

It was a nice change to be mad at him other than scared. "It's not happening." His cockiness was nauseating.

"Didn't we just have this conversation? There's something going on here and we both know it so....why fight it?"

Julienne stared at him dumbfounded. She may be the one who just left the hospital but he was crazier than she was and worst yet he didn't even know he had a problem. "Why? Think about the last two years."

He smiled again; it was never a good sign. "I don't know if it's the memory of your mouth or the words coming out of them but either way I am so turned on." He had a weird obsession with wanting her to talk.

There was no getting through to him, he saw and heard what he wanted. With him across the room on the bed she reminded herself it was the perfect chance to get away from him. Faster than she had ever moved before she opened the room and ran through it.

Her own issues were enough to deal with, she didn't need his too.

### Chapter 4

Julienne's small streak of luck ended that Friday when someone decided to pick up the slack for Michael in the taunts and insults department.

Anna Moore hung out with the popular crowd but unlike most stereotypical popular senior girls she wasn't a cheerleader, she actually didn't do any sports unless it consisted of something to do with her finger nails and precious car.

"Hey, Teller." Anna began as she sat across from Julienne during lunch. "What's with the bandage on your hand? Are you too stupid to figure out you had to aim higher to kill yourself? You know I wouldn't mind helping you out, this world could do without one more loser." She didn't even think twice to be so cruel, none of them did. From the table to the left where Anna friends sat a burst of laughter erupted. The insult wasn't even funny.

Anna waved her hand in front of Julienne's face but she stayed focus on the book in front of her. Never did she give any them the satisfaction of a reaction. They wanted her to get angry and cry, to do anything to say they broke her down.

"Hey, I'm talking to you and unless you want that damn book shoved down your throat you'll stop ignoring me." Anna said with her jaw clenched tight, she got mad at the drop of a hat.

The bell rang and Julienne continued to ignore the other girl as she left the cafeteria for her next class.

"You handled that pretty well, you don't even look mad. I always got you mad but I'm more clever than Anna." Michael said as he fell into step with her in the hallway. They had the same class next so it didn't look all that weird.

Julienne glanced around and realized yup he was talking to her in public, talking to her and not at her for someone else's amusement, usually his own.

He kept going. "That was harsh, I draw the line at suicide though, it'd be pretty screwed up to cause someone's death and have them come back and haunt you for all eternity. I don't like ghosts." Where she didn't speak at all he spoke too much. "My mom is going to your house today to work on some presentation. I offered to tag along, won't that be fun?" he broke that interesting bit of news as they reached the classroom and she had no time to react.

Julienne froze at the entry way of the room and only moved when someone else pushed her farther inside. She snapped out of her daze and took a seat. This was not happening, she thought, it didn't end well when she was alone with Michael. She did stupid things like kiss him back and surrender into the toxic peace he offered.

She had to get out of this and the only way was talking to her mother. As soon as she got home she tried explaining that she didn't want Michael around.

"Honey, that's rude. Patricia and I are friends and co-workers, I can't tell her to keep her son away anymore than someone could tell me to keep you away. They welcomed us into their house and we have to do the same." she explained while working on dinner.

Julienne knew unless she found the courage to tell her mother everything she was stuck with Michael. And stuck she was.

It wasn't long after school when they arrived. Patricia was nice as always and went out of her way to say hello to Julienne. It was surprising such a nice woman gave birth to Michael.

It was a week ago today they had first come to dinner and Julienne landed in the hospital. A lot had changed in that week, like the fact she knew what Michael Gregory's mouth tasted like.

They sat alone in the living room on the couch while their moms worked in the kitchen. It didn't take long for Michael's mind to wander. He ran his hand up her ankle to her thigh. "Show me your room." he whispered against her ear.

Julienne's heart raced at an abnormal speed. She found she couldn't think all that well when he touched her. There were two sides to her mind, one good and one bad, the bad one pushed her to fall into his hands like putty and forget all the rest of the world.

"I—I can't, my mom—"

"Isn't paying us any attention. If they ask we can say we went to work on some homework. If we say here I am going to kiss you and I am going to touch you and if we get caught I promise I won't be the one embarrassed."

She believed him, embarrassment wasn't something that was associated with him. Caught between a rock and a hard place, her sadistic side that wanted its new favorite drug won and they were off the couch.

There was no discussing it anymore. They knew what was happening and didn't care to question it. They weren't fully out of the hallway when he pulled her mouth to his. This time his hands didn't bury themselves in her hair, they moved under her shirt and up her waist. His hands were large and warm, they moved with tantalizing skill.

Michael stepped back and eyed her shirt. "You wear bigger clothes than I do. I'm touching a lot of things I like but I want to see them."

It was in that moment right there Julienne became sure she had lost every bit of common sense she ever had when she let him pull her shirt off. She stood there speechless as his eyes roamed every bit of exposed skin.

"You actually have a pretty hot body under all these clothes." He whispered more to himself as he moved his hands up her waist again. He leaned down and rested his forehead on hers. "You showed me yours so you probably want to see mine."

"Yeah...I'm really curious about what type of bra you wear." Her rare sarcasm made an appearance when she was nervous. She stayed silent when she was scared and uncomfortable.

He stood up and cupped her face between his hands. "You really have to stop hiding this girl." He kissed her again and didn't stop until her mom yelled it was time for dinner.

### Chapter 5

Yup, Michael was sure now the universe had a wicked sense of humor. He was enjoying his time at the Teller residence. Julienne's mom was a pretty good cook and dinner had been easy to get through. They all made small talk, except for Julienne; it took a lot for her to talk or some rather frisky hands. She was a completely different girl when they were alone and he was highly attracted to _that_ girl.

Every so often he'd hear Shane's warnings in his head but he quickly brushed them aside. Yeah it was weird to be with the girl you bullied for years but on the other hand she was right there wanting the same thing. He wasn't the bad guy.

After dinner her conscience was back and a pain in his ass. Julienne planted her butt on the couch and opened up her math homework.

He shrugged his shoulders and sat next to her, so close that from shoulder to knee he made sure they touched. As expected she tensed surprised with his boldness, but she didn't move away. It brought a smile to his face. Oh yeah, she totally wanted him.

"Want some help?" he asked. Julienne dropped her pen and looked at him like he grew another head. "What? I can be nice."

She turned her grey eyes away. "I wouldn't know it."

"True, hmm." He said thoughtfully while sitting back on the couch. He reached under her shirt and ran his fingers over her back, she shivered. "I'm going to have to work on that."

"Don't," she sighed as she stuttered on the word. "...have homework to do?"

The stutter was probably another reason she resorted to silence. Last week he would've jumped at the chance to hold it against her. Now he was letting it slide because she had something he was far more interested in than her humiliation. "Nah, I left it at home and I can do it tonight. You sometimes stutter when you're nervous, am I making you nervous?" she didn't do it when she was scared and angry; he had seen those emotions from her enough to know.

Julienne fell back into the silent treatment and began writing from the book on to her notepad. He left her alone, this time. Sitting back on the couch he continued to absently stroke the length of her back and watch her as she tried to pretend he wasn't there. Every few minutes she'd push her hair behind her ear and it'd fall back onto her face.

Over these last few days he realized she was a pretty girl under all her quirks to stay hidden in plain sight, she also had stopped caring and didn't bother with the little things like make-up or styling her messy hair. She wanted to make herself ugly.

Her hair was obviously bothering her but she didn't care enough to do something about it. At school it made sense to leave it all over her shoulders and face because she liked to hide behind it. Michael thought at home she should really let go more of her fears.

An idea hit him and never one to back down he followed it. He went back to her room and came back moments later. Julienne was waiting with that what-the-hell-are-you-doing face. "Come here." He positioned her how he wanted on the couch then sat behind her. "I have this cousin, she's ten and she's obsessed with braiding the hair on her dolls and then taking it out so it's wavy. She wanted help and showed me how to do it." he explained while combing out her long hair and starting a French Braid.

"You help your cousin with dolls?" she sounded shocked and something like impressed.

"I'm not always a bad guy but yeah, yeah I know you wouldn't know that. I'm being nice now and it has nothing to do with trying to get inside your pants."

She reached out and hit him in the leg. "Our moms are right in that room!"

A stupid grin found its way back onto his face. She found the guts to hit and chastise him. "I really like this side of you. You should seriously merge them together." On one hand she was this terrified girl that liked to hide and on the other hand she was spunky. He had a feeling she used to be like that before tragedy struck. He found from his mom about the car accident that killed her father, cousin and almost her. She had been in the hospital for months, and that would turn anyone into a depressed shell of their former self.

Done with the braid he bent and kissed her on the neck. That wasn't enough so he turned her face and kissed her on the mouth. His body wanted what it wanted, he didn't care at all who was in the other room.

Her hand was still on his thigh and she used it to get him to stop by digging her nails into his flesh. "Ok, ok I got the message." Well not quite, he kissed her one more time then let her go.

Julienne, ever the wise one, got up and moved to another seat. She knew it would only be a matter of time before he made another move.

He sat back and watched her. She really did look much better without all that hair in her face. She knew he was watching her and in turn she was biting down on her bottom lip, another turn on. How this shy, awkward, social nightmare kept turning him on, he really had no clue but she was giving those leggy cheerleaders a run for their money.

He'd much rather sit in silence watching Julienne's cloudy grey eyes than hang out with someone like Anna and listen to her complain about everything under the sun.

Her mom came out to check on them, she touched her hand to Julienne's head. "Oh honey I like being able to see your face. How did....?"

"Michael likes playing with girls' hair." She didn't look up from her homework.

The boy in question laughed. "Not like that. Like you said Mrs. Teller it's nice to be able to see her face so I lent a helping hand." He watched Julienne as he said it; she went from biting her lip to her thumb nail.

"Well you did a beautiful job." Mrs. Teller continued. "I'm glad to see you both getting along."

A lot of inappropriate replies floated around Michael's head but he couldn't very well tell her she had no idea how badly he wanted to get 'along' with her daughter. He smiled like the charming boy he was supposed to be and kept his mouth shut.

### Chapter 6

The weekend gave Julienne a much needed break from school _and_ Michael. Thankfully he didn't speak to her at school and they only saw each other when their mothers got together. He hadn't touched her again since that Friday evening. Her mother hadn't been blind to the fact they had gotten along, hell he braided her hair, so when he left that afternoon her mom asked a few dozen questions and then ended with, "He's a sweet boy and you could use a friend."

Yeah right, Julienne thought, Michael Gregory was no friend of hers. They shared some weird attraction and touched each other in secret but they weren't and never would be friends. He'd probably die from embarrassment if someone ever found out about their dirty little secret. That's what she was to him; his dirty little secret to be pulled out when no one was looking.

Julienne didn't mind, she didn't want anyone to know anyway because it would only secure the fact she was a freak, who was attracted to their abuser besides weird freaky girls?

It was Wednesday in the school library when Michael spoke to her again. He appeared out of nowhere and sat across from her during their free period. "Our moms aren't hanging out as much as I'd like. Come over later." He was careful not to be loud and draw the attention of the librarian.

Julienne shook her head and turned a page; she couldn't look at him and risk surrendering her control to him yet again.

"Babe, you're killing me."

Babe? It'd serve him right to keel over and die, she thought it'd be ironic. "I'm busy."

"Say yes and I'll leave you alone." She shook her head again and turned another page without having read the previous one. Michael reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "Look at me." she wouldn't so he tried another approach. "Julienne I will stand on this table and announce to everyone your bra size, a nice full B by the way, and then comes the question on how I would know that."

She looked at him with her grey eyes wide and angry. "Blackmail?"

He grinned. "It worked didn't it? I'm going nuts, I want to see you."

"You want to have your way with me." she said around a frown. It was still surreal to believe anything happened let alone say the words.

His grin turned into a full fledged smile. "That too. So what do you say? I'm not going to push you into going all the way, I already promised that, we'll stop when you say so."

"I say so now. Leave me alone Michael." She got out of her seat and rushed out of the room with her book clenched tight in her hand. She went into the one place she was sure, or at least hopeful, he wouldn't follow; the girl's bathroom.

She went into a stall and locked the door.

It was better to turn him down now before they made anymore mistakes. It wasn't right, no matter how it felt. They were complete opposites and he already hurt her, she couldn't give him any more power to use in the future.

~*~

Of course it couldn't be easy, Michael bitterly thought as he marched up to his bedroom and threw his backpack on the bed.

"Whoa, what crawled in your wheaties?" Shane looked his brother up and down and sighed. "Ok what happened with Julienne?" he didn't approve of their time together but he knew the details. He never turned Michael away when he needed to talk.

"She's fighting this again and I can't figure out why."

"Why? Because she doesn't trust you man." He walked into the room and sat down. "She probably thinks this is all one big game and when you're tired of it you'll go back to hurting her."

Michael rubbed his hands furiously over his hair. "Shit! You're right. So what do I do?"

"I don't know, is this one big game? Do you know what it'll do to her if she gives into you and you use it against her in front of the whole school?"

"I wouldn't do that."

"I believe you but she has no reason to."

"I could've used what happened that first night against her but I didn't. I'm over picking on her."

"You are such a mess." Shane shook his head. "How do you go from picking on a girl to wanting her?"

"Hope you never find out because it's a pain in the ass."

"That wouldn't happen to me, unlike you I'm a gentlemen and don't bully people for kicks." He never approved of his brother's mean streak and never passed up a chance to remind him.

"We can't all be as perfect as you bro so shut up and tell me something useful."

"You want me to shut up and talk?"

Michael groaned and started pacing. "I'm really not in the mood."

"Ok, I'll try and help you if you answer one question."

"What?"

"This thing with Julienne, what are you hoping for?"

Michael gave that question a lot of consideration. He walked over to the bed and sat down feeling defeated. "I don't know but I do know I want her around. The more time I spend with her the less it's just about a sexual attraction."

"You like her."

Michael wanted to protest and list all the reasons such a thing couldn't be true. In the end so such words formed. "I'm so screwed."

### Chapter 7

Normally on Friday's Julienne liked to spend her night in front of the TV catching up with shows she missed during the week. The last two Fridays prevented that and now she welcomed the boring mundane routine she started years ago.

Her mom went out to meet a few friends for drinks that night. She was home alone, curled up in the living room with the television remote in one hand and a candy bar in the other. It was boring, Anna and her friends would probably die before being caught home on a Friday night but for Julienne it was peaceful and she wanted that more than anything.

She was half hour into a spy drama when someone rung the doorbell. She looked at the door as if she had never seen it before. Who could be behind it? She got up and answered the mystery.

Michael.

Damn it, before she could close the door he slipped inside. "Hi." He greeted and quickly kissed her. "You taste like chocolate."

Her heart raced and took her breath away. After a few tries she managed to say, "What are you doing here?"

"Did you think I had given up?" they hadn't seen or spoken to each other since that run in at the school library.

"It's been two days."

"I was giving you time to miss me and I was doing a little planning."

He was planning and it worried her. "What do you mean?"

"I know your mom is out because she's with my mom. It'll be hours before they leave the bar. I want you to get changed and come with me." he grabbed her hand and started tugging her toward the bedroom.

Her mouth gaped open and she didn't have a choice but to follow him. "Go where?"

"That's a surprise. I need you to trust me and I know that's asking a lot but I promise I'm not setting you up or anything. No evil clown is going to jump out and say 'gotcha' or something. This is just you and me and my attempt at trying to prove myself to you." He rambled in a manner that would be sweet on anyone else.

She shook her head and tried to figure him out. It truly was a lost cause. "Anna, Maria, Cara, Janelle, Toni—"

"What about them?"

"All girls that would love you go out with you and anything else you want." Julienne whispered while trying to avoid him at the same time. He looked different since he kissed her that very first time, he was suddenly gorgeous and those blue eyes made her heart do abnormal flip flops.

Instead of responding to that he opened her closet. "If it's in here I guess you're not totally opposed to wearing it, now we just have to find what 'it' is."

"Michael...."

He turned around and went to stand in front of her. "No, stop doing this. You haven't denied it. Yeah you keep trying to push me away and say this is a bad idea but you haven't denied wanting me." he wasn't giving her the chance to do so now either. He kissed her and put all his racing emotions into the kiss. It was hectic and proved everything he was saying.

He pulled back long enough to take off the t-shirt that was two sizes too big used to conceal her figure. His hands moved up and down her arms, waist and down to her sweatpants next. He untied the drawstring and ended the kiss to help her get out of them. His eyes took her all in and became fixated with her underwear. They were a blue bikini cut with multi-colored stripes. The bra matched.

"I pegged you more as a boy shorts or briefs kinda gal." his eyes never moved. "I like these much better."

Julienne's face and neck were on fire with embarrassment, he was staring at her in underwear! Before she could come up with a plan to get out of this he was kissing her again.

"Will you come with me?" he asked again, his lips along her ear.

She nodded yes. Standing there in his arms with her mouth throbbing from his kiss she would've said yes to whatever he wanted.

"I'm going to go wait out there before I do something stupid." He left her alone to get dressed.

With wobbly knees Julienne walked over to her closet and sighed. What was she supposed to wear? She remembered what he had on; a pair of black slacks and a nice blue shirt that enhanced his eyes. The look he had on was far from casual.

She pushed through her selection of dresses, most of them hadn't been worn, and settled on the one that didn't make her feel completely out of her skin. It was a light lilac purple short sleeved dress with a full A line shirt falling to her knee. She combed her hair back and tied it into a ponytail. That's as good as it was getting.

She saw him sitting in the couch waiting for her. A wave of nerves crashed into her again. He'd probably be really offended if she turned back around and escaped though her bedroom window but wow she was seriously considering it.

Michael spotted her before she could turn around, he stood to reach her. "You look ready to vomit, that's always a good sign." He took both of her hands between his. "You won't regret this I promise."

After writing a quick note to her mom explaining she went out and would be home later she followed Michael to his car. She stared out the window as he drove and tried not to appear as much of a wreck as she felt. She fantasized about lowering the window and flinging herself out of it, anything to escape this....date? Was this a date? She didn't even know but it meant spending time alone with Michael and that terrified her because of the things he made her feel.

As if sensing her mental freak-out Michael reached over and grabbed her hand. "Do you want to talk about it?" she stayed silent. "I find it pretty strange you'll let me see you nearly naked but won't talk to me."

She mentally groaned. It was different, she let him see her in underwear and kiss her because his closeness broke down all the barriers she had, talking to him meant forming actual words and putting her hectic emotions out in the air. That was hard.

The car ride lasted another fifteen minutes with nothing up the radio to take up the silence in the air. Michael pulled into the parking lot of the local marina, went around her side of the car and opened the door. Michael Gregory a gentleman? She nearly laughed.

He took her hand and offered no explanation about why they were there. She wore flat closed toe sandals with her dress and was grateful she did as they boarded a boat called 'The Blue Angel.'

"My dad named it that after my mom, that's what he calls her because of her eyes." The same shade of blue passed down to both her children.

"It's nice." A big smile broke out across his face to hear her voice. "Why is it such a big deal to you if I talk or not?" she asked next.

"Because I don't like seeing you as this fragile zombie that looks like a swift wind could turn her to dust. I want to see you react when something happens, I want to hear what you think and you have a great sense of humor you rarely use." He explained as they sat at the controls of the boat.

Julienne clenched her jaw and tried not to remember why she was like that. Why it was easier to check out and be nothing. "Can you drive this thing?"

Michael nodded softly to himself as he understood her desire to change the subject. "Yeah I'm taking us away from here, out there in the middle of the ocean nothing matters. It's peaceful and perfect for new beginnings."

### Chapter 8

After that night Julienne was sure this Michael was an alien from another planet. There was no way someone could be that different in the matter of three weeks. This Michael could be really sweet. He took them several miles into the ocean before turning off the engine. The sky was a dark heavy blanket of stars and a full moon.

He revealed a table full of various desserts. He knew by then her mother had made sure she had dinner and decided to present her with dessert. They feasted on chocolate cake and all kinds of cookies. Next he pulled her into his arms and they danced to whatever was playing on the radio. It was going really well until the swaying of the boat mixed with the sweets made her stomach turn.

"If you feel like vomiting let me know so we can get you to a trash can."

"I'm not going to vomit...I might if we keep saying the word."

"Ok no more V word. Come on." Michael led her downstairs to the cabin so she could lie down. "Maybe if you don't see the water it'll help."

Julienne laid back on the full size mattress and tried to feel better while ignoring the embarrassment working its way though her system as well.

Michael sat next to her. "I can distract you if you want."

"I bet." She tried to fight his infectious grin but this time she lost.

"A smile, whoa I am shocked. I really must be wearing you down." He leaned down and kissed the base of her neck. "Now that I think about it a distraction is exactly what you need to forget about being sick." He moved on top of her and trailed the little butterfly kisses lower. When he reached the buttons of her dress he undid them until they stopped at the waist. He inhaled sharply at the sight of her shapely body, his own body tightening with anticipation and want.

Julienne's breathing was all over the place, her body felt foreign as new emotions and desires slammed into her worse than the waves rocking the boat. He had seen her in her underwear; they had kissed a lot but this time, this moment felt much more different than the others. She was comfortable; she enjoyed the other times but hadn't been comfortable with what she felt to act on it. This time she let her hands touch him.

She trailed her hands under his shirt and pulled it off at the same time. His skin was warmer than she expected, his eyes mirrored that warmth as they darkened with fire behind them.

Staring into each other's eyes she realized what was happening and felt her stomach roll over. "Oh god." She jumped out of the bed and made it to the bathroom in time. She threw up dessert, dinner, and probably some lunch.

"Julienne, are you ok?"

"Yeah." The word was weak.

"I'll go turn the boat around and take you home."

Julienne sat there on the cool tile floor and decided to stay there a moment just in case. She used the time to think; was it sea sickness or did she freak-out over the fact she and Michael were about to have sex? She had never dwelled on what she imagined her first time to be like but it certainly wasn't like this. She knew Michael for years except she didn't really know him either, he was a stranger in every sense of the word and she had been willing to give him her body. What the hell was wrong with her?

~*~

Michael had the mother of all erections to the point he was in pain. He wanted nothing more than to go back downstairs and finish what they started. The memory of her hands touching him and her body wiggling beneath him only worsened his predicament.

Julienne had a deadly weapon in her arsenal and didn't even know it, her innocence only added to her appeal and drove him mad.

He sat at the wheel of the boat and concentrated on getting them home. Their night was over and he had to accept it. When he planned their getaway he swore he wouldn't push her and actually took sex off the table. The night was meant to gain her trust, not scare her off. He hoped he hadn't and made a note that their next encounter would be on dry land.

~*~

When she heard the engine turn off and the waves lessen Julienne went back up to the desk. She quickly stepped back when she heard voices.

"What are you doing out here, man?" it sounded like one of Michael's friends from school; Cody or Marko.

Michael's chuckle was nervous. "Ah...getting some air."

Julienne's heart sank and started to crack around the edges. She knew he wouldn't broadcast what they were doing and would lie in a situation like this, but to hear him actually do it stung in a heartbreaking manner she didn't know.

"Alone?" the other boy taunted. "Dude its Friday night, talk about a dry spell. You know Anna would jump at the chance to be your sea queen."

"Nah, that's high maintenance I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Don't worry about my social life, I'll see you Monday."

Julienne hung back a little longer until she was sure they were alone again. She used the time to remind herself she couldn't be angry at him about lying. She would've lied too.

Michael found her still seated in the stairs. "Did you hear that?" she shrugged and offered a weak closed lip smile. "Are you mad?" she shook her head no. "Are you going to speak to me?" this time his words were tense.

"Nothing to say."

He grabbed her hands and sighed. "Damn it Julienne what did you want me to say—?"

She pulled her hands free and narrowed her eyes. "Don't get mad at me. I don't care what you say. I would've lied too because this is fucking ridiculous."

He didn't hide his surprise to hear her use so many words and curse at the same time. "I didn't lie because I'm embarrassed or something to be seen with you. But I know you would be." Of course it was easier for him to put it all on her.

She didn't believe him and didn't want to get into it so she stayed silent on the subject. "Take me home now."

She reverted back to the girl she was before their time in the ocean, there was no talking or smiles, there was nothing but emptiness. She was quiet the whole drive home and thankfully he didn't push to know why.

Her small streak of luck ran out when she got home to find her mother in the living room waiting. Ellen opened her mouth then shut it as she took in Julienne's appearance. "You're wearing a dress and I didn't have to beg you to put it on? Where have you been?" It wasn't that late out, just past ten, she wasn't angry as much as she was curious.

Julienne's shoulders sunk, she didn't know how to explain this. A moment later a plausible lie started to come out her mouth. "The marina was having this mini cruise thing for those wanting to take a boat ride and they had a dress code. I thought it'd be a good idea to get some air and veg somewhere else besides the couch."

Her mother gave the biggest and brightest smile humanly possible. "I'm so glad to hear you went out. You used to love the ocean. Did you have fun?"

"It was ok until my stomach started feeling funny. I'm gonna go lay down." She turned toward her room. Tears slipped down her cheeks. "Goodnight mom"

"Goodnight sweetie."

### Chapter 9

After how her night ended with Michael and then having to lie to her mother, Julienne felt miserable. She fell asleep in her dress after growing painfully exhausted from her tears. She woke up feeling no better. Her eyes opened but she made no effort to move from the bed.

This thing with Michael could only end one way and she was a fool to think...she wasn't sure what she thought. Their time dancing under the moonlight was a fairytale meant to end quickly. They lived in real life and in real life people like them didn't get together.

Their stolen kisses and caresses, it was all a dirty little secret. Michael said as much last night when he stumbled to make sure his friend didn't suspect someone else was there.

Julienne was sick and tired of being everybody's fool.

Except she didn't care enough to try and do something about it. She'd always be the girl everyone stepped on for the fun of it, the one that didn't matter and blended into the wall the different surroundings. She was the broken chameleon the world forgot.

~*~

Michael knew she was pissed at him. Julienne was a girl after all and girls hated to be ignored and told they weren't good enough. He didn't mean for her to take it that way but he was sure she did. She was always quick to think the worst where he was concerned and _who the hell could blame her?_ He thought again.

Last night had been meant to change that and instead the gap between them was only bigger.

All his dreams last night involved trying to figure out how to get back on her good side and finish what they started in the boat's cabin. He was pacing his room trying to make some sense about the whole thing when his brother spoke.

"You're going to make a hole in the carpet. I guess last night didn't go well."

"It was really good and then really bad." He told his brother all the details. "I could kill Cody for showing up on the docks."

Shane's expression was thoughtful. "You lied for a reason."

Michael pulled at his hair. "Of course I lied! Do you know what'll happen if people find out I have a thing for Julienne Teller? I didn't want to hurt her feelings last night but there was no way I could tell the truth."

"Then she took it exactly how you meant it." Shane said trying to play devil's advocate.

"I didn't mean that she wasn't good enough or something. It's just where we are in our lives and in that place people like us don't get together." He winced at the shallowness of the words. It wasn't that she wasn't pretty, she was and could even be beautiful when she tried like last night but at the same time she was a social basket case and there was no over looking that in the crowd he hung out with. It would end up being one or the other; the friends he knew all his life or a girl he wasn't sure how he felt about.

"I'm so glad I'm not in high school anymore. The politics make no sense. You don't need your friend's permission or some fake popular status to tell you who you can and can't date. But if you are going to follow that bullshit then you might as well leave her alone like I keep telling you before you really hurt her." Shane offered up his advice as best he could and even helped him plan last night but he never once supported his brother's quest to be with Julienne. She was fragile and Michael was only going to break her heart.

Michael opened his mouth and closed it in the same moment when his bedroom door opened and his mother stepped inside. "In case your father asks when he gets back I'm going to meet Ellen to discuss some figures and then we're going out to lunch."

Michael lit up like a Christmas tree. "You're meeting at her place? Can I go?"

She chuckled. "Why?"

"Like you said last time; Julienne could use a friend and since you're going out with her mom I can keep her company." It didn't matter if his mom knew he wanted to spend time with Julienne because she wasn't telling anyone.

"That's all you're doing right? Being a friend?" she knew her son well enough to ask.

Michael smiled innocently and lied easily. "Of course."

~*~

Julienne left bed long enough to take a shower and change into something more comfortable. She tugged on some underwear and grabbed one of her extra large t-shirts before going back into bed again. That was the type of day she was having and didn't feel like trying to do anything different. She told her mom the same thing when she came to check on her earlier.

She suppressed a groan and pulled a pillow over her head when she heard her door open again. "I'm fine mom, just leave me here."

"Your mom left to run some errands."

That sounded like Michael except that couldn't be right. Julienne sat up and hastily turned to see who was in her room, and sure enough it was him. "What?" he was the absolute last person she wanted to see during her dark slumber.

"My mom was coming over to pick her up and I tagged along to keep you company. Your mom mentioned you've been having a bad day and suggested since we got along so well last time maybe I can cheer you up." He explained with a hopeful smile. They were alone after all and he had only one thing on his mind.

"I doubt it." she sneered and gave him her best bitch look before lying back down and covering her head with the pillow.

Not one to give up Michael kicked off his sneakers and climbed into bed with her. "By now you know you're not getting rid of me that easily." He took her pillow and flung it across the room. She looked at him with wide angry grey eyes. "Are you upset because of last night?" she gave him another nasty look and made a move to leave the bed. He grabbed her by the waist. "Nope." He held her against his chest and noticed with the sheets out of the way she wasn't wearing any pants.

One glance at her bare legs and every raw desire he felt toward her soared to life. He turned her around so that they were face to face. He saw it clear as day that she was pissed at him but she was so conflicted by their closeness. He wasn't the bad guy; she wanted it just as bad as he did. He kept reminding himself of that.

Needing to add some relief to the flame he kissed her.

Julienne tensed and tried to push him away, but not before getting her own taste and kissing him back.

Michael stopped the kiss and looked into her eyes. "I know you want me just as bad as I want you." He let go of her wrists and gave her a chance to leave. She didn't and that sealed their fate.

He kissed her again as they fell back onto the bed. His hands moved under her shirt and found no restrictions in the way. Her breasts demanded attention, nipples sprung to life as soon as he touched them. Julienne arched her back and moved her body as close to his as she could. He stopped touching her long enough to take her shirt and fling it across the room to join the forgotten pillow.

Not wanting to waste anymore time he quickly took off his shirt and jeans before climbing on top of her again. Naked chests and legs rubbed against each other as they kissed. His hands reached for her panties next and shook with the anticipation of what came next, the release he couldn't stop thinking about all these weeks later.

He sat up as he did the next part; he wanted to see all of her. He lowered her panties down her legs slowly and memorized every inch of skin. His eyes roamed back up to her face and saw she was looking to the side far away from him. She was embarrassed.

She had no idea the extent of how crazy she drove him. There wasn't a single thing for her to be embarrassed about.

He quickly shed the last of his clothing, applied the condom, and moved close to her again. "Look at me." he cupped her chin and turned her face back toward him. "Don't run away from this." he rubbed himself against her opening. She gasped and instinctively grabbed his shoulder.

He was ready to burst but he didn't want to hurt her either, he had to take his time.

He ran his hands down over her breasts to her hips where he gripped them and spread them farther apart. She was biting down hard on her lower lip and breathing heavy, unsure what to do as she gripped his arm tighter. She was ready.

He pushed himself inside of her and was quick to cover her mouth with his in a hectic wild kiss as the pain of the first thrusts rocked though her. Her hands moved down his back and dug her nails into his skin. The way she was pulling him closer at the same time there was no way she wanted him to stop.

Needing air he pulled away from the kiss and rested his forehead down on her shoulder as he kept moving inside of her. This had to be heaven and he was ready to die now. Her body was damn addicting.

He looked into her eyes and saw some of the grey clouds part and allowed some light, in the form of pale blue flicks he had noticed before because they hadn't been there.

### Chapter 10

Julienne lay curled up on Michael's side unsure what happened next. Was she supposed to say something, thank him for the great sex? He didn't seem to be expecting anything so she shrugged and laid there comfortably. As the fog of sexual contentment began to fade she remembered they were in her bedroom where her mom could be back any minute. "We have to get dressed."

"Yeah." He didn't sound pleased.

She was the first out of the bed and put her shirt back on in record speed. They had done some very intimate things together and she couldn't look at him just yet. They had sex, he took her virginity, it was just too much to try and wrap her mind around.

Out of the corner of her eye she watched as he got out of the bed and gathered his clothes. He wasn't as shy as she was and didn't let his nudity make him move any faster. Of course he wasn't shy, she had seen him naked and all that naked skin touched her. She was the idiot going backwards and trying not to look and didn't want him looking. On that note she went in search for some pants.

She was digging around her dresser when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. "You know this wasn't the only time we're going to do this right?" he slapped her on the butt. "Stop being embarrassed."

The fact he noticed she felt out of her skin only made her that much more awkward. She closed her eyes tight and tried to relax her breathing before she ended up stuttering and making a bigger fool out of herself. "How can you be so sure?"

"About what?" he finished zipping his jeans shut and ignored the shirt after choosing to walk back over to her. "About us doing this again?" he grinned while resting his hands on the dresser behind her, trapping her between the piece of furniture and his body. "Oh I know."

His cockiness did nothing but help her remember why this was all a mistake. She pushed him back and walked to the other side of the room.

"What, it wasn't good?" his high horse started to shake as his ego braced its self for a blow.

Julienne crossed her arms and shrugged. It was nice to see him sweat for once.

His blue eyes focused on her face to help make up his mind. "Yeah, you liked it."

Julienne scoffed. "I'm not telling." It wasn't exactly a 'no' and only helped inflate his ego to bigger portions.

A mischievous glint worked its way across his eyes. "You know there are ways of telling without having to say a word." He was in front of her again. "Oh I don't think so babe." He caught her around the waist before she could try to go get dressed again. Effortlessly he carried her back to the bed and pinned her down with his weight. "Hi." Their faces were mere inches from each other.

Memories of their time together flashed through her mind and left her hot all over. She couldn't find any words to say now; instead she was highly curious about what he was doing.

"I'm not letting you up until you admit you like being with me." Michael informed her, her response was to roll her eyes. "Hey I don't care if we ever leave this spot." With her legs pinned with his, he used his hand to inch her shirt up to her stomach. He closed the small space between their mouths with a kiss while he slipped his hand inside her panties. She gasped at his boldness and the sensation it sent through her body. He worked his fingers against and inside her until she was a withering mess beneath him from the orgasm he caused sometime later.

Free from his hand, Julienne turned over on her side and buried her face inside the pillow waiting for her body to calm down.

"See?" Michael whispered against her ear. "Admitting it without saying a word. We should talk like this more often." He had the power to get under her skin and wasn't shy about using it to his advantage.

Unable to move much Julienne threw her hand back and punched him on the shoulder. He laughed and she was pretty sure she hated him. She climbed out of the bed and grabbed the first thing she could from her closet before running into the bathroom where she could lock the door. She couldn't afford to let Michael grab her again.

They were seated in the living room, on opposite ends of the couch, watching TV when their moms finally came back from lunch.

"Oh good you're out of your room." Julienne's mother commented with a pleased smile. "I brought you some sandwiches for lunch."

~*~

Michael's mother had always been chatty and didn't miss a chance to ask questions on the drive back home. "Did you and Julienne have fun while we were out?" she wanted to know.

Impure replies swam around his head again. "Oh yeah." He bit his tongue and stared at the window. His mom was very in tune to her children and he knew if she looked at him too long he'd be confessing all his sins. The list was very long.

"You have your father's ability to make every thing sound dirty." She said around a sigh. "I don't want you messing around with Julienne and breaking her heart."

"You sound like Shane, why does everyone think I'll break her heart? Maybe she's breaking mine." He froze as the words left his mouth, where the hell had they come from?

"So you do like her as more than a friend." it wasn't a question and Michael knew he was busted. "I have to say I'm surprised in a good way. She's not like the other girls you have around."

Michael sank down in his seat. "Exactly, what am I going to do?" he had reached the point of desperation if he was asking his mother for advice.

"You have to decide what is more important; what your friends think or what you think? And whatever you decide just remember Julienne doesn't deserve being a pawn in whatever stupid games that happen in high school these days. She's had a lot to deal with already."

A wave of guilt slammed into him, his mother would be hugely disappointed if she knew all the hells he put Julienne through. He wished he had known about the Julienne's accident before. He probably wouldn't have been so hard on her. He always thought she was one of those depressed girls that fed into the emotion because they had zero social skills and it was easier to mope than make an effort.

He couldn't change the past so there was no reason to dwell on it too long. It was the future he needed to figure out and he had no idea what the heck he wanted where Julienne was concerned.

### Chapter 11

Julienne really didn't want to go to school that Monday morning because she knew one way or another she'd see Michael. He didn't even have to tease, trip or mock her in anyway to get a reaction anymore. All she had to do was glance into those blue eyes and was a complete fool. She still couldn't believe it actually happened and they had sex. It was all because she got lost in those eyes and the crazy desires he made her feel. It wasn't safe to get that immersed and lose control. She didn't like how easily she surrendered but she did like the small amounts of peace she felt when she was with him. The past and all its tragedies weren't as suffocating.

She walked to her locker with her head low and arms crossed over her chest.

"Hey Xanax." Anna greeted, amused with her new nickname for Julienne.

"She's totally ignoring you again." Anna's friend, Janelle, commented.

"Yup I see that." Anna wasn't happy, her voice dripped with venom. She grabbed Julienne by the shoulders, turned her around and pushed her into the open locker.

Julienne winced and started seeing red. She hated when they thought they could strong arm her because she tried to avoid confrontation. Anna hadn't expected little mousey Julienne to grab her by the hair and push her into the locker next to them. Still furious Julienne next pushed Anna until she went flying to the floor.

"Fight!" one of the boys watching yelled.

"You bitch!" Janelle rushed to defend her friend; she was quick and threw all her weight into Julienne, both girls went flying to the floor.

Every bit of anger Julienne had been feeling moved forward and made her into a mad woman. She wanted payback and pounding into Anna and Janelle provided that. There was but so much abuse she was going to take especially at the hands of two girls that were worthless. They believed they were so superior to her when in reality their self esteem was worse, they just hide it better by following what the crowd said was correct and making their image into what they hoped boys would want.

By the time some teachers intervened Anna was sporting a black eye and Janelle's lip was busted. It had still been two against one and Julienne had her own battle wounds to tend to. Her arms stung from scratches and her head throbbed from her hair being pulled, none of it bothered her though. It was her knee that brought tears to her eyes.

Her knee had been shattered from the accident and had to be rebuilt with metal and screws. That damn thing always gave her discomfort and now it was screaming from Anna's kick.

The principle appeared and informed them they'd all face consequences for the fight and disrupting class before sending them all to the nurse.

Julienne sat on the floor against the lockers while the crowd cleared. She saw Michael amongst them and scoffed, of course he had been around and of course he didn't lift a finger to help her. Their time together didn't change a damn thing. A dirty little secret indeed. His disregard for her was the breaking point. She couldn't keep the tears inside anymore; she was in pain both psychically and mentally.

"Do you need some help?" a nervous male voice broke into her dark reverie. "You're grabbing your knee pretty hard, does it hurt?" he didn't want for an answer and started tugging her off the floor. With one arm holding her upright he extended the other one. "I'm Nick and I gotta say it was a pleasure watching Anna get what she deserved. Not in a pervert girl-on-girl type of thing, what I mean is I can't stand her so props to you for standing up to her." he was nervous, actually he was more socially awkward than she was and that was saying a lot.

Julienne looked up at her helper as they walked to the nurse's office and saw a pretty good looking guy instead of the messy nerd type she was expecting. What did he have to be awkward about? Ok so he had a four inch green faux Mohawk that might be it. "Why can't you stand her?" emotionally drained Julienne didn't bother with filters, she thought it and asked it. The guy was helping her to the nurse, how could he take what she says and hurt her?

Nick paused and decided what to say. "We used to date. It was before she realized high maintenance popular girls like herself didn't date average students like me, this was before I changed my look. We went from being pretty close to now I'm the gum on the bottom of her shoe that doesn't warrant acknowledgement." He glanced down at Julienne. "You didn't ask for all that right? Sometimes I talk too much. Sorry." His smile was nervous, his face turned bright red and his light green eyes stayed straight ahead as they started walking again.

Strangely enough in an odd turn of events Julienne felt sorry for him. "It's ok. Sometimes I don't talk enough."

Relieved that she wasn't weirded out by him he smiled. "Yeah I noticed that. We have a few classes together but its ok you didn't notice. It's easier to check out when you're in this place." If he noticed she didn't talk then he must've noticed how she kept to herself and hid in plain sight.

They made it to the nurse's office and she expected him to leave. Instead he sat next to her in the waiting chairs. "Don't you have class?" the walk from the lockers felt like a mile, her tears stung harder against her eyes.

"Free period. You're crying and look like you can use a friend. I always say you can't have too many and I'm in short supply, so I'm gonna sit here with you if that's ok."

He didn't really look it with his attractive looks but he was a social outsider too. Julienne felt like she could relate to him and it was a welcomed change to what she had been feeling. "Ok."

Anna and Janelle left the nurse's area together and didn't miss the opportunity to sneer at Julienne as they walked past. Anna paused for a moment after noticing Nick, she scoffed and walked away muttering. "The freaks are banding together."

If Nick heard it he acted as if he hadn't. He stood and helped Julienne to the examination table. Her pants were big enough that she could pull up the pants leg without taking them off.

The nurse winced. "It's very swollen, having you been having trouble with it before today?" she asked.

Julienne nodded. "I had surgery on it a few years ago."

"I can give you something to help with the swelling but you should get to a doctor as soon as possible." She said with a sweet sad smile most grownups gave her out of pity.

Ten minutes later she was out of there using a crutch to help keep the weight off her knee. Nick stayed with her until it was time for their next class.

### Chapter 12

Michael couldn't wait for the day to be over. He sat with his friends at lunch and mindlessly listened while Anna bitched about her fight with Julienne. He had to admit he hadn't expected Julienne to fight back and he was proud she finally did.

He was ignoring Anna for the most part until she stared recanting that she saw Julienne with Nick Sheldon. "What's she doing with that dork?" he asked.

"The better question is what is he doing with her?" Anna said with an eye roll. "I mean I knew he was desperate after I dumped him but _her_? Eww."

Michael refrained from saying he knew exactly what Nick saw in Julienne. You had to get close enough but it was there; the features to drive guys crazy with mindless lust and aching need. "So what happened?"

Anna smiled happily as she thought Michael was taking in interest in her when truthfully he was glad someone took her down a peg. "Nothing, he was staying with her when I left." Her eyes looked past him. "And I guess he's still staying."

Michael turned around and watched as Nick and Julienne stepped into the cafeteria side by side. They sat at the table she usually sat at alone. "Why does she have a crutch?"

"Anna kicked her." Janelle said arrogantly. "Chris was also waiting for the nurse and heard her say something about having surgery on it a few years ago and now it's all aggravated." She continued with a mock whiney tone, the airheads around her laughed.

"Hey man you ok?" Marko asked and clamped a hand down on Michael's shoulder.

He was staring at Julienne as she listened to Nick talk a mile a minute. He felt his blood turn cold when she started replying to whatever the hell he said. "Yeah I'm fine. This place gets tiresome after awhile."

Cody leaned in closer to the other two men. "Yeah and the girls endless chatting is enough to drive any guy mad."

Michael chuckled and looked at his two best friends wondering how they'd react if he told them the truth. The truth that he was developing feelings for someone he shouldn't and he couldn't get her out of his mind. He was going nuts trying to keep it in and he was furious at the thought of losing her. If he ever really had her to begin with.

~*~

Nick was sweet, like a stray puppy that zoned in and wasn't going anywhere. He stuck with her as much as he could all day because he was worried about her leg. He showed more concern than the guy she had been intimate with. Julienne was really starting to regret that error in judgment.

"How do you go home?" Nick asked as they stood in front of her locker. They had stopped at his first for him to grab his backpack and books.

"I walk."

"That's not going to be easy limping." He opened his mouth to say something else when Anna's annoying screech interrupted them.

"Going after my sloppy seconds now?" she asked Julienne. "You worked your way through everyone else and now getting desperate?"

Nick moved to block Julienne's view of Anna. "Anyway," he said loudly. "Before I was interrupted, do you want me to give you a ride home?"

Julienne gathered her homework and slammed her locker shut. "Sure." They left together without a glance back.

Nick had a nice, simple, green (it seemed to be his favorite color) four door car that his father got him last year for his birthday. "Tomorrow's math test is going to be homicide. I'd ditch if I wasn't so worried about my grade point average. I always freak out over tests, the more I freak the better I do." He said quickly with a shrug.

Julienne sat back in the passenger seat and watched him talk. The endless thoughts flowing out of his mouth were actually pretty relaxing.

When they arrived at her house she saw her mother was just getting in too and noticed them. "My mom's going to want to meet you."

Nick lit up. "Cool, I'm great with moms." He was out of the car before she was.

Julienne braced herself for her mother's reaction to her leg and all the other signs she had gotten into a fight. The best option was to just get over it quickly. "I got into a fight and hurt my knee again. He helped and gave me a ride, mom this is Nick Sheldon. Nick my mom Ellen Teller." The words were strung together and obviously nervous. She hated to disappoint her mother.

He eagerly shook her hand. "Nice to meet you Mrs. Teller."

She minded her manners and smiled nervously at him while taking in his not-so-average appearance from the mohawk to the brow piercing. "Nice to meet you too and thank you for helping my daughter."

"No problem. I'll see you all later. Bye." He waved and got back into his car.

Julienne slowly turned away once he was out of sight and glanced at her mom.

"I want to know everything that happened." Ellen said while taking Julienne's free arm and helping her up the porch.

Once in the kitchen where they each held a soda there was nothing left for Julienne to do but spill her guts. She told her mom how Anna made the first move and how she just lost it and finished with how the principle promised punishment but never got back to them.

"Hon, you can't afford to be suspended. I'm going over there tomorrow to talk to him. What I really want to talk about now is what's been happening with you. First you cut yourself and now fighting, this isn't you." She held her soda can tight and avoided looking at Julienne too long. They were both key signs she was worried. "I'm going to call Dr. Torsion and ask him to recommend someone here in town for you to speak to."

Dr. Torsion had been the therapist she had sessions with in the hospital. They hadn't been voluntary, she was laid up with a cast on her leg and arms, and she had no choice but to listen to his speeches.

"Ok." Julienne agreed weakly. "I have a test to study for." As fast as her knee allowed she was out of the kitchen. Thankfully they lived in a one story house and she could go to her room. She shut the door and fell back on her bed. Silent tears ran down her face. This was definitely a bad day.

And only getting worse.

"Julie?" her mom called out. "The Gregory's are coming over for dinner."

### Chapter 13

It was nearly a month to the day since the last time her mother attempted to have her friend's family over for dinner. Julienne had no idea why her mother was trying again; it couldn't be because she thought she was more stable. Maybe she secretly liked torturing her too; Julienne entertained that thought for a moment then shook it away. Her mother may be painfully oblivious to her suffering but she loved her.

Luckily this time she didn't request that Julienne wear something nice. She stayed in the jeans and shirt she wore to school. She stood next to her mom while she greeted everyone. After that she took refuge on the couch with her math book open across her lap. She made up her mind hours ago it was best to pretend Michael no longer existed.

Michael had never let her ignore him and he wasn't about to start. He sat next to her while his brother took the recliner. "Make any new friends lately?" he sounded angry and Julienne knew he had seen her leave with Nick. He had been a few feet back from Anna when she approached them by he lockers. "Nick Sheldon, really?" he made gagging sounds.

She groaned and looked at him. "Michael Gregory, really?" she mocked and snatched her book back up.

"So what, you like him now?" Michael grabbed her book and tossed it on to the coffee table.

Julienne crossed her arms and wouldn't look at him. She wished he would go away; somehow just disappear from the room. She went as far as to wish they had never met. It was all one giant regret. She knew he was thinking about what to say next and she didn't want to hear it. She looked around for a distraction and found Shane trying to act like there wasn't tension suffocating the room. "It was you who grabbed the knife from me right?" she had been curious about that. The memories were fuzzy even now.

"Yeah. Are you feeling better from that night?"

She shook her head. "I currently feel like stabbing myself. My mom's making me see a shrink." Julienne thought she must've hung out with Nick a little too long; her mouth was going almost as fast as his. "Your brother makes me suicidal and I wish he'd leave me alone." She got up and walked out of the room.

~*~

Shane's eyes went wide. "Did you hear that?" he asked his younger brother.

Michael waved it off. "She's just pissed at me. The reasons why are pretty long so I'm not sure which is it. See the progress though? She wouldn't have spoken that much weeks ago." he boasted and took credit for her newfound motor skills.

"She's talking about killing herself. Yeah real progress. What haven't you told me?" he moved to sit closer to him and lower the chance of being overheard.

"She got into a fight today with Anna and I didn't do anything so now apparently she's hanging out with this other guy who helped her and he's a total loser."

"So this guy helped her and you didn't? Yeah that should piss her off. You can really be a dumb shit. This other guy is a stranger and stepped up. You've gotten close to her and didn't make a move at all and let your dumb idiot friends hurt her, do you see the problem?"

"I'm not a fucking kid Shane, stop treating me like one."

"Act like you have something in there besides space and I will." Shane said, tapping him on the side of the head. "You need to give yourselves both time. She doesn't want anything to do with you right now."

Michael got up. "I can fix that."

Shane pulled him back down. "Have you not heard a word I've said or she said? You can't fix this with your dick."

"Dude stop being so dirty." He said with a fake gasp. "It was the furthest thing from my mind."

"It was the first."

He got him there. Michael sat back and tried to figure out a way to dig himself out of this hole. He didn't want to hurt Julienne, that he was a hundred percent sure on but it seemed that's exactly what he was doing with his indifference. He thought staying out of her feud with Anna and the other girls had been a smart move. He explained that to Shane.

"That might make sense I don't know but I do know that's not how Julienne saw it. You stood back and she saw it as a sign you don't care, that you were just using her yesterday."

"Cover for me. I have to talk to her." he went the opposite way so Shane couldn't stop him again.

Michael found her in her room curled up on her side. She really was breaking his heart and he was starting to understand why he told his mother that. It was her pain that was starting to affect him. He moved closer. "I wasn't using you for sex and it wasn't that I didn't say anything today because I didn't care. I do care. I just thought it'd be easier if I kept us and what happens in school separate." He sat next to her on the bed and brushed her hair away from her face and neck. He was relieved she didn't try to pull away from his touch.

"Easier for you."

"No for the both of us. You think Anna has it out for you now? She'd try to murder you if she found out about us. Nothing ever happened but she acts like a jealous ex-girlfriend and always has since we met. I want what happens between us just to be for us. I don't want anyone's opinion." Continuing to test the waters he bent forward and kissed her. "Don't be mad at me anymore."

With a sigh she kissed him back. She was weak and didn't know how to fight what he offered her. When they were alone it was perfect and he made her feel human. There was nothing she wanted more than to feel that way all the time. Cruelly the one person who gave her that couldn't be there all the time. They had stolen moments they had to keep a secret. It was doomed from the start and was bound to end the same way. Julienne's logical side of her brain knew that but she selfishly wanted a little more before they crashed and burned. Soon she'd find the strength to deny him.

She sat up and after one more kiss she got out of the bed. "I can't give my mom a reason to be suspicious."

"Is she really going to make you see a doctor?" Michael asked. She nodded yes and he asked next, "Why?"

"You're supposed to say it's about time. You've been suggesting I get professional help all year." She mumbled softly as the words came to her with the memories she couldn't forget.

He awkwardly ran his hand over his hair. "I was such a dick."

A lump of sadness formed in her throat as she looked at him. "You still are."

### Chapter 14

Michael was going nuts. It was more than a whole week since they were together and just about that long since he had been over to her house for dinner. In the privacy of his own thoughts he admitted he missed her.

That Friday a stroke of luck finally came his way. Julienne's mother was leaving town for the weekend. She'd be home all alone. He knew that and what time Ellen was leaving because it was his mom giving her the ride to the airport. He waited half hour from when his mom left to go see Julienne.

His stoke of luck ended when she opened the door and behind her he was Nick Sheldon sitting around the coffee table. There were several books opened on top of it, his reason for being there was obvious but he asked anyway. "What is he doing here?"

"Nice to see you too Michael." Nick mocked. He wasn't surprised to see him there and that meant only one thing; Julienne told him something about their relationship.

They had been hanging out together all week, just how close were they now? Michael did his best to keep a lid on his temper. "Can we talk alone?" he asked Julienne. She nodded and led the way outside to the porch. "I was thinking somewhere more private like your bedroom."

"I bet." She crossed her arms and waited for him to get on with it.

"Are you mad at me again?"

"No." she didn't offer anything else on the subject.

His frustration levels were taking a beating. He hated when she went the silent route. "You told Nick about us?"

She shook her head. "Not everything. He knows our moms hang out and you sometimes come over. He thinks you're a jerk for being my friend in secret and treating me like dirt in public. He doesn't know how far we've gone and I don't want him to."

"Why not? You think it'll change how he looks at you because let me tell you he's looking pretty hard." He said tightly.

"He's a friend and I'm allowed to have one. We've been doing this by your rules all month but I'm not letting you call the shots here too. Nick and I are working on a paper." Julienne turned to open the door.

"Wait." He grabbed her hand and held it tight between his. "I don't want to fight and especially not about him." Nick wasn't even a bleep on his radar. Michael knew what was happening between him and Julienne wasn't everyday, she couldn't walk away from it any easier than he could. "I want to see you and I'm willing to wait until you're done with your homework."

She nodded her approval and they stepped back inside. He didn't let go of her hand until he had to so she could sit back on the floor. He knew it was partly because he wanted Nick to see there was more between them than she let on. He sat back on the couch while they worked.

The TV was on and every so often he glanced at it but the way Nick looked at Julienne held his attention more. He really wanted to pound on this kid. He was a nervous twit and would only look at her when he was sure no one could catch him. Well, Michael thought, too bad dork you're caught. When Julienne wasn't around he was going to make sure Nick understood she was off limits.

After another half hour of torturous boredom Nick and Julienne called it a night. Michael got off the sofa while she walked Nick to the door and thanked him for his help.

"You're pretty chatty with him. You don't avoid it or stutter."

"He doesn't make me feel weird." she softly confessed.

"And I do? Is it a good weird?" he pulled her into his arms and focused his attention on her face.

"Sometimes."

"Look at me Julienne." he waited until she dragged her grey eyes away from the wall behind him and finally met his eyes to kiss her.

On the way to the bedroom he began to un-button the shirt she wore which like most of her wardrobe was too big for her size. They stopped at the foot of the bed and he made sure to get as many clothes off of her before lying down.

Her bra and panties matched again, this time they were a dark green with a polka dot pattern. It reminded him of a bikini set rather than plain underwear. He didn't really care what color they were, he loved how little they covered and loved them even more when they were off.

He noticed she shook with the more of her body he revealed. She was nervous again. He wondered if she'd ever be used to what was happening between them. He sure wasn't.

With an idea forming that would be good for the both of them he stopped shy of taking her bra off and instead pulled her up to sit with him in the middle of the bed. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. "It's your turn; I want you to touch me."

Julienne hadn't expected that. She knew this had something to do with the fact she mentioned earlier he was calling all the shots and that seemed to bother him. In this aspect though she gladly let him call the shots, except now he masterfully turned the tables on her.

She tried to figure out his angle, did he think she'd chicken out and forget the whole thing? Was he trying to prove something? She really didn't know and didn't like any of the scenarios popping into her head. She didn't need to him to prove she was a wreck, they already knew that and if he thought he's get a rise out of her as some sort of payback for befriending Nick then he had another thing coming.

During her mental ranting Michael grabbed her hands and pulled her on top of him. "Why are you over thinking this? I don't want you thinking, I want you to follow your emotions and touch me." holding on to her forearms he sat her back up until she was straddling him. He was right, she was reading too much into the whole situation.

She wanted nothing more than to shed her nerves and touch him the way her fingers itched to. She wanted to please him and forget about everything outside that room.

Shut up! She screamed to her thoughts then leaned forward and kissed Michael. Unlike all the kisses he didn't make a move to take control and deepen it, this was her time to call the shots. Her hands moved down his bare chest slowly to savor every inch of warm hard skin. Her hands picked up their pace at his jeans, she ached to have what was inside them.

Because her hands shook it took a few tries but eventually she had his jeans open and halfway down his hips.

Michael didn't have a firm grasp on his control like he wanted to believe. He cupped the sides of her face and stared deeply into her eyes. "Say it," he begged. "please."

Julienne knew what he meant; the way he always wanted her to talk was the same way he wanted her to admit she wanted him sexually. Like the other times she stayed silent but unlike the other times she showed him by reaching inside his boxers and grabbing him.

"Shit." Michael moaned, his arm around her waist tightening while he buried his face against her breasts. "You're going to kill me."

She wanted him to feel the torture and the whirlwind of emotions slamming into him the same way he did to her in a similar fashion nearly two weeks ago in that very room.

"Not like this....Julienne stop." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand free. His breathing was erratic, his pupils fully dilated. "I want..." his words died off as he lowered her back onto the bed. With a quick jerk he had her panties off and in seconds he was inside of her.

Finally, she thought while her head rolled off to the side. This was what she had been fighting and wanting all at the same time. It was this human burst of pleasure that was going to get her into trouble. The more she was with Michael, her drug of choice, the higher the danger became for her heart.

### Chapter 15

Michael laid on his side, propped up by his elbow, watching Julienne sleep. She was laying flat on her stomach with her arm clutching the pillow tight. He hooked his finger on to the sheet and slowly lowered it down her back to reveal naked skin.

He thought of all the creative ways he could wake her up when he noticed she was crying in her sleep. She didn't make a sound as the large tears rolled down her cheeks. Worried, he started shaking her shoulder. "Julienne, wake up. Wake up." He shook her harder.

She jumped awake and started fighting his hands off.

"Julienne!" he tightened his grip on her shoulders and pinned her down on the bed before she took his eye out. "Stop it, look at me!" he pressed his body onto hers and that got her attention. "Look at me." he said more softly and the recognition started to fill her stormy grey eyes. The storm behind them now was a big one. Still gripping her arms he slowly sat up and held her against his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She held onto him with every bit of strength she had and shook her head no.

Moments ago her bare back stirred very erotic thoughts, now he stroked it in a comforting manner and sex was the furthest thing from his mind. Holding her in his arms and with emotion threatening to choke him; he never wanted to talk to Shane more. He needed advice badly. What the hell was happening to him? There was a naked girl in his arms and all he wanted was to somehow make her feel better.

For them to both get comfortable he leaned back into the head board and let her lay across his chest.

Silence wasn't his friend and never had been. As Julienne drifted back to sleep his thoughts started ganging up on him and each one freaked him out.

It was about an hour later when he couldn't take it anymore and carefully slid out from under Julienne and got dressed. He needed to get away and be himself. The caring guy that held the girl as they cried wasn't him. His mind screamed to get away and create distance.

It was late but his parents asked no questions when he got home. Bypassing his room he went straight to Shane's room and hoped he was inside. He was. "You need to help me." Michael announced while throwing himself down on his brother's bed.

Shane closed the book he was reading and shook his head. "What did you do now?"

"Me? Nothing."

"You were at Julienne's right? That's something."

"Yeah, yeah I know you think it's a bad idea, don't remind me. Yes I went over there and Nick, her new friend I told you about, well he was there and I wanted to beat the shit out of him. They were working on some paper and the whole time I kept looking at her with these puppy dog eyes and she doesn't even notice it!"

"You sound jealous."

"Fuck you. So anyway he leaves and I finally get her alone and it's great, better than great." He shuddered in delight at the mere memory of her grabbing him. "We fell asleep and here's where I need help. I woke up first and watched her, she was crying in her sleep so I woke her up and whatever she was dreaming did a number on her. She was an emotional wreck. I held her until she calmed down and fell asleep again. Why did I do that? Why do I care about what she's hiding? If she wanted to tell me she would." He sat up suddenly and buried his face against his hands. "I want to take her pain away and see her smile. It's freaking me out." He looked at his brother through a small opening in his fingers.

Michael wanted someone to tell him something helpful and instead his older started to laugh. Anger soared inside of him, he stood and walked around the other side of the bed where he punched Shane hard in the arm.

"Ow you little shit that hurt."

"Why the hell are you laughing?"

"Because!" he grabbed Michael's face. "My little brother's falling in love."

Michael reacted as if someone just kicked him in the gut. His expression turned sour and he marched back to his spot on the bed. "You're losing it. I don't do love."

"You just said it. You want to help her, you want her to be happy and that has nothing to do with a casual sexual relationship. You're in deep and if I'm correct you've never said that about any of the other girls you've dated." Shane explained, sobered from his earlier laughing binge.

"None of the other girls were as emotionally fucked up as Julienne is. It could be just maybe I do have a heart and I don't want to see her suffering."

"It could be but that doesn't explain why you're jealous another guy is looking."

"That's easy; I'm a selfish prick who doesn't like sharing."

"I don't understand why it's so easy for you to look down on yourself than admit you could have feelings for someone. The emotional fuck up here is you. Julienne hides more obviously but you're just as terrified to let someone in because you're just as scared and probably more so since she has let you in."

It was easier not to dig any deeper into his shortcomings. "How can you be so sure, about Julienne letting me in?"

"It takes some amount of trust to fall asleep in someone's arms."

He couldn't remember the last time he was scared. The thought of falling for Julienne terrified him. He couldn't let it happen; it wouldn't be fair to either of them. "I gotta change this course."

~*~

Julienne woke up that morning with no memory of Michael leaving. She laid there and slowly last night came back. He had seen her crying. "Oh no." she faintly whispered inside the empty room. She had freaked out in front of him, no wonder he left without a word. Of course a girl crying in her sleep then flipping out when he tried to wake her up would freak him out. It freaked her out. She felt like the world's biggest idiot for falling asleep in the first place.

Alone she allowed herself to realize why she had fallen asleep; she had felt safe in his arms.

Outraged with her own thoughts and feelings she hastily sat up. Safe? What the hell was that? Safe in the arms of the boy who terrorized you for years and stands idly by while his friends tease and hurt you? Her own subconscious was furious as her for allowing herself to be made the fool yet again.

She had to stay away from Michael Gregory.

### Chapter 16

Julienne thought when Saturday came and went with no word from Michael that just maybe he felt the same way she had about them staying away from each other. That Sunday afternoon proved different when she opened the door and he was on the other side waiting.

"We need to talk." He said while stepping inside.

Ok, Julienne thought, he wanted to break their relationship face to face. She could handle that, or so she hoped. "Alright." She said when he stood there staring at her.

"I've been thinking. I like what we have going." She looked up and met his eyes; she hadn't been expecting him to say that. Michael continued, "But we can't let it get too serious. I'm not ready for something like that and you probably aren't either."

Julienne refrained from scoffing in his face. He always lumped her in to make himself feel better about his choices. Like if he made her think he was looking out for her, or that it was all her idea she'd be fine with it all. "I didn't ask you for anything." She whispered softly, a weak tone that made her cringe inwardly. No matter what she thought or didn't think she never had the backbone to express it for long.

"No, I know it's just after Friday night...." He left the sentence to hang there while he ran a tense hand through his hair. "You get the idea, right?" he searched her face for a reply and got a nod yes for his effort. "You're being really silent."

"Sometimes there's just nothing to say." Julienne wished that were true, there was a lot she wanted to say but didn't have the courage to open the door and let the words flow because she didn't want to know his reaction. At the end of the day none of it mattered, she was still that sad girl in the background.

"Julienne," he grabbed her around the waist. "I want to know what you're thinking."

She shook her head. "My mom will be back in a few hours. You should go."

Michael made no moves to leave the house. He stood there in front of her with his hands still on her hips and his eyes focused on her face. He leaned in and kissed her next. Julienne had never been able to deny him before and couldn't start now. She was too far gone to deny the addiction.

Frustrated, she kissed him back and took the small glimpses of peace he could offer.

With haste and emotionally charged movements they fell on top of her bed within minutes of the kiss. She took a moment to breathe as he pulled at her pants. It didn't matter what type of conversations they tried to have or how the day was going; they ended up entangled in each other.

After, she didn't want to risk the chance of falling asleep or time escaping them. She got redressed as soon as possible.

"I can take a hint." Michael joked as he reached for his clothes. "There's something else I wanted to talk to you about. We agreed what's happening would stay between us," he reminded her except she never really agreed to anything. He thought his idea would be best and she put up no argument. "My friends are already asking questions about where I am so I agreed to put in appearances and go out with them and the girls."

Julienne was really glad she had her back facing him. He couldn't see the tears that stung her eyes and how carelessly he hurt her. He didn't say it in so many words but what he meant was he'd use her for sex and go out in public with girls that were socially correct for his crowd. "Sure." She knew how to hide her sorrow for later.

She walked him to the door and let him kiss her one more time before leaving.

Alone Julienne walked over to the couch and slowly sat down. His words replayed in her mind like a taunting evil recording. She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there when someone knocked on the door. She made no attempt to get up and answer it. She didn't even breathe too hard through the trance she was stuck in.

The door opened. "Hey it was unlocked, are you ok?" Nick asked with his cheerful voice. "Julienne?" he touched her shoulder and then her chin when he got no response. She looked up at with red puffy eyes. "Crap, what happened?" he sat next to her. "How long are you going to let this guy walk all over you?" it didn't take him long to figure out what could be making her cry. "Why don't you think you deserve better?"

"I'm not even supposed to be alive." Her voice was horse with dryness and sadness.

"So you shouldn't know real affection? It's ok to let some guy use you because you're a corpse anyway?" he gripped her by the shoulders and shook her in hopes she'd snap out of it. "You are alive and you deserve a whole lot better then being Michael's blow up doll."

She winced at his brutally honest words. "How did you find out?"

"He made sure I noticed him holding your hand and he glared at me the whole time I was here Friday. It was all macho acts for staking claim. You also have a hickey on your neck. How far have you gone with him?" his words were fast as he rushed to get all his thoughts out.

"I don't....I don't want to talk about this." At the end of the day she was ashamed of what she was doing with Michael.

"Fine, it's up to you." Nick said.

It felt kind of nice to hear those words; it didn't feel like much was up to her these days. Between her mother and Michael she didn't have a say in anything. "Why did you come by?"

"I was at home bored out of my mind and thought it'd be good idea to see what you were up to. I figured you'd be here alone and bored too since your mom doesn't come back for a few more hours. Do you want to get out of here? Go see a movie or find some ice cream shop and eat until we're sick? Ooh or—?"

Julienne tightened her grip on his hand to get him to stop talking. "I'll go get changed and you can decide."

"Is that a yes? You're agreeing to leave the house with me?"

Julienne wondered what he saw when he looked in the mirror because she didn't see what was so wrong with him. Anna must've done a number on his self esteem. He should be worried about being seen with her, not the other way around. "Yeah."

"Awesome. I can't promise anything too exciting but I'm sure it'll beat sitting around here crying over that asshole. Hurry up and go get dressed. You know I'm a little bit hyper."

"A little?"

"Yeah so hurry but and we can hit the town."

### Chapter 17

Nick was seriously the type of person everyone should have in their lives. Julienne couldn't remember the last time she had so much fun and laughed so hard. She hadn't felt like herself once, she hadn't been sad or quiet and that was all because of his big heart and the way he knew what she needed. He hadn't asked her about anything serious the whole time. She liked spending time with him, there was no ugly past and he never once made her feel bad about herself.

At the house he had suggested a few things they could do; in the end they did them all. First they went and saw a really bad horror movie then hit the ice cream shop where Nick got brain freeze more than once. After that while the sun was starting to set and the beach was pretty empty he suggested they go there next. The boardwalk was lit up brightly and provided more than enough light to get around.

"Have you ever had a sand fight?"

Julienne's eyes got wide. "Oh god no. Do you know how long it would take to get sand out of all this hair?"

"That's just too bad." He had a nice clump of wet sand in his hand and wasn't afraid to use it.

"This means war." She grabbed as much sand as she could and flung it at him as he took off running. Like two crazy kids hopped up on sugar they ran all along the beach and didn't care who saw them.

"Not the hair!" he said while using his hands to protect his mohawk and took the hits of sand against his body.

"That's what I said!"

He considered that. "One dip in the water and you'll be nice and clean. It's a lot more of a process for me so have mercy and remember you love me and drop the sand."

She eyed the green hair dye and all the twists to create enough height for his mohawk, it really must've taken some time and with his pretty face it really worked. She never thought anyone could pull off his outrageous look but with his outgoing personality he really did. "Ok, you win." She let the warm hand slip through her fingers.

"Thank you." He tried not to laugh. "You should really take my suggestion and wash some of that out." Her long hair looked like it had been in a sand storm; every strand had some stuck to it.

She took a piece of it in her hand and frowned. "There'll be payback for this. Watch my pants." She unbuckled her jeans, her shirt was long enough to reach past her knee leaving her far more covered than all the other girls hanging around.

She was excited to feel the water against her skin and taste the salt in her mouth; she hadn't been much to the ocean since the accident, before that she used to go with her dad every weekend. She shook her head and wouldn't think of him seeing as she was supposed to be having fun and she owed it to Nick not to check out when he was trying so hard to make her feel better. She jumped into the ocean and all thoughts were forgotten.

~*~

When Michael agreed to join Cody and everyone else at the boardwalk for some pizza he never imagined he'd see Julienne there and worst of all with Nick. At the table he was seated at he could hear them running around the beach. He cringed every time he heard her laugh at something that freak said. Michael turned slightly in his seat when he heard her ask him to hold her jeans. Was she really going jump into the ocean this late? Yes she was.

"They are bigger weirdos than we give them credit for." Maria commented. "The sun is gone and that water is probably freezing."

"Maybe she's a closet thrill seeker. The quiet ones are really freaky." One of the guys said, gaining a round of laughs from the other guys as inappropriate innuendos were passed around.

"I can't believe you dated him." Janelle said to Anna about Nick. "I guess he's ok looking under all that but a mohawk, brow piercing and two in his ear? He wears more jewelry than most girls and lets not get started on the eyeliner."

Anna shrugged. "He wasn't like that when we dated. You know I'd never date a freak like that. The piercings and shit came later."

Marko spoke. "There's proof dating you is a bad idea. The guy lost his mind after it."

"Real funny you idiot." Anna threw a piece of bread at him.

Michael mindlessly paid his friends any attention. They were too busy joking around with each other to notice what he was doing. With the new angle of his chair he could see the ocean and where Julienne was clearly. He watched as she got out of the water, her t-shirt was plastered to her body. She bunched it up around her thighs and squeezed the excess water out.

He realized he could hear them pretty well too when Nick jumped to meet her and offered his extra shirt if she wanted to get out of the wet one. He turned around and stood guard while she changed behind him. Michael noticed flashes of her naked legs as she did this.

"Ok give me my pants." Julienne said after buttoning up the borrowed shirt, this one fell pretty low on her knee too.

"About that," Nick had her jeans hanging on his shoulder; he stepped out of her reach. "I'll race you for them."

She crossed her arms and considered this. "How about this? You give me my pants and we still race but with better terms."

Michael's fists tightened at his side as she joked with that son of a bitch. She was having a good time; she was that girl he wished she'd be with him. He had to drag it out of her but Nick, oh great friend Nick, brought it on with stupid games. He continued to listen.

"I'm interested." Nick handed her back her jeans. "What are the terms?"

Julienne smiled a thousand watt smile that Michael didn't know she was capable of. Shane had been right, he was jealous of her friendship with Nick and that jealously soared like a painful fire in his chest now.

"Dude, you alright?" Cody shook his shoulder. "What are you focused on so hard? I know it can't be them." He cocked his head back to where Julienne and Nick were laying out the details of their race.

"Nah man I was just thinking about some shit at home." He turned his attention back to his friends and tried to forget the grey eyed girl behind them as she spoke so effortlessly.

"Ok ready, on three we go....one....two...three!"

### Chapter 18

That Monday after school Julienne had to listen to her mother be more clueless than ever before about what was happening right under her nose. "I don't think that Nick boy is such a good influence on you." She started. "Someone who will alter their appearance that much can't be very stable."

Julienne sat in her mother's room while she got ready as they were going to the Gregory's for dinner. "It's his choice." She really didn't mind Nick's appearance; it actually looked good on him. "You're judging him based on his personal choice. He's really smart and a better influence than you know." She explained softly, she didn't want to be having this conversation yet she owed it to Nick to defend him.

"You should really spend time with someone like Michael. Now there is a well put together boy."

Julienne felt like screaming but instead she went for the deadpan sarcasm that came more naturally. "Do you have a crush mom?" if she only knew the truth; Michael was the worst thing for her already beaten down state of mind.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Let's go before we're late." Ellen stopped at the door and looked at Julienne from head to toe taking in the clothes she wore to school. "Are you sure you don't want to get changed?"

Julienne stared at her mother and said nothing. It was bad enough she had to be dragged along, she didn't want to wear something to worsen how out of place she already felt.

The closer they got to the Gregory residence the worst her mood got. She went from indifferent to down right depressed. She was still upset about her last encounter with Michael when he so carelessly said he'd be dating but wanted to still keep her as his dirty little secret on the side. Real gentleman that he was.

Julienne was so far gone by the time they arrived she was back to staring at the floor to escape the reality surrounding her. She didn't care to look at the pity looks the grownups cast upon her. The adults retreated to the kitchen and she was seated alone on the couch for a good ten minutes before Michael appeared.

"We need to talk." He announced and took her hand to drag her off to his bedroom.

_No._ The single word ran in a loop across her thoughts. She didn't want to hurt; she didn't want to hear what he had to say.

"I don't like you spending so much time with Nick."

Julienne stayed close to his door and opted to take a seat on the floor then to get too close to him and risk her judgment going out the window. "He's my friend." She whispered, wishing she was anywhere else in the world where heartbreak wasn't suffocating.

"I saw you together at the beach having a hell of a time. Did you even notice I was there?" Michael asked, he was angry and made no attempts to hide it.

"We agreed to keep it separate. You'd rather be hit by a car then have your friends find out you like having sex with me." she shook her head frantically and banged it against the wall behind her. All the harsh truths ran in a loop throughout her thoughts, all the mistakes she continued to make mocking her and all the realities out of her grasp. "You'll never admit it."

Michael came and kneeled down where she sat. "Are you ok?"

She looked at him with tearful eyes. "You'll never want me, not all of me. I could forget it all, every bit of hurt and give us a real chance." It was hard to admit that, that the boy who caused her so much grief could also give her the most pleasure. Julienne wanted that chance to be normal and have _all_ of him.

"Julienne, don't do this." his expression was one of torment as he cupped his hands to her face, making sure he had her full attention. "We agreed nothing serious remember?"

She nodded sadly as her heart finished breaking into the last shattered piece. "Right."

"Are you ok now? I don't like seeing you freak out." She nodded again. "Ok then. Listen I don't like it but I won't ask you about Nick anymore. Just promise me there's nothing going on."

"Just a friend." Julienne bitterly wished so much could be different, that she hadn't let herself feel for Michael and that someone amazing like Nick would've been the one she wanted. Life never did work out correctly; if it had she wouldn't be sitting there now in his room wishing the earth would take her away.

Michael looked away from her tearful eyes and dropped his hands back to his side. "I have to go. I promised the guys...." He didn't know what to add to that. If he was meeting the guys then there was bound to be girls vying for his attention and a whole lot more.

Filled with self haltered Julienne stood from the floor. "I'm in your way."

"No! I didn't mean—"

Before he could say another word she was halfway down the staircase and back in the living room. She couldn't handle anymore of his lies. It didn't matter what he meant or said, he managed to find the best way to hurt her every time.

Julienne took a deep breath and forced herself not to cry, to keep those burning tears inside before her mother saw. She couldn't handle any questions. She sat in the living room waiting for the evening to pass and they could finally go home.

It was about fifteen minutes later of sitting alone unmoving that someone knocked on the Gregory's front door. Michael came rushing down the stairs to greet his guests; Cody and Marko. They spotted her instantly on the couch.

"Dude," Marko began with disbelief in his tone. "What is she doing here?"

Michael played indifference. "Our moms hang out, they're over for dinner."

"That sucks," the boy continued. "what do you do after, disinfect the whole house?" his crappy joke gained a round of snickers from Cody.

"Whatever. Let's get out of here." Michael said while grabbing his jacket. Not once did he cast a glance her way, nothing to make sure if she was alright or not.

But of course it didn't matter, his friends were around and nothing he shared with her mattered in their presence. They ranked higher and always would. She clenched down her teeth and used the pain as a focal point. There was no way she was going to break down crying, not in this place.

Dinner passed by at a snail's pace, each second was a slow gnaw of torture at her soul. She was ready to burst with fury by the time her mother finally allowed her some peace and they went home.

Her mother excused herself to make a call, Julienne nodded absently. There alone the demons she fought to keep at bay all evening started to scream at her. Clutching at the sides of her head she sank to the floor and had no choice but to hear their assault.

He used you and you know it. You're so damn weak you let him take advantage. You're so damn desperate you became his blow up doll.

He doesn't care, he doesn't even like you. Like an idiot you begged for him to give you a chance and he turned you down flat.

You're right you shouldn't be alive. They died and they were better then you, think of the life she could've had.

She would've mattered, she would've been special. She was four months old. Four months old!

Julienne rocked back and forth against the kitchen wall praying it'd all stop. Images started to join the endless rants; her baby cousin had been a huge joy to the family. Her aunt had waited so long to have a child only to have her die before she was even a year old. She stayed away now, they all did. No one ever came out and said it directly to her face but the family all blamed Julienne for the loss. It was probably why her mother had moved so far away from all of them. Her father had been so full of life, always cracking jokes and now he was gone and her mother was alone.

Julienne couldn't stop herself from realizing the baby would be walking and talking by now except she was robbed of it, all of it, due to her stupid mistake. Maybe her parents would've had another child, maybe her mother wouldn't silently be suffering everyday.

Like the flip of a switch her pain went back to Michael. How could she have thought he cared? For years he showed her just what he thought with his abuse, how could she forget? _Because you're a needy coward_ , her subconscious taunted.

Julienne stood from her slump on the floor. The voices and memories wouldn't stop. If they would just stop then she could find a way to fix it. Except....there was no undoing the past. The only thing she could do was find some ounce of peace. To keep from making the same self hatred decisions over and over.

Her mom came in minutes after she found a way to end the pain eating away at her. A scream pieced the room as her mother took in the dark red blood staining the beautiful green marble flooring.

### Chapter 19

It was three days into her psychiatric hold that Julienne was allowed to have visitors outside of her mother. She managed a small smile when he stepped in holding a very withered flower arrangement. "I'm surprised she let you in. You're such a bad influence and all." She was favoring sarcasm more and more these last few days. She didn't have enough strength to filter her words or care what others would think. She survived the attempt on her life but that didn't mean anything, she wasn't glad for the second chance.

"I know, that's me." he smiled lopsidedly. "I stole this on the way up here. I thought they were pretty." Nick teased as he sat in the empty chair set up at her bed. "I can keep making some seriously bad jokes or you can tell me what happened." He became somber with hints of fear clouding his green eyes.

"You know what happened. I suck at coping and make very horrible mistakes. I already knew that but my shrink is excited I admit it now because he wants to believe the mistake was in trying to kill myself. I think the mistake was that I didn't succeed." Julienne explained with a shrug, she felt numb, nothing touched her anymore, she wasn't angry, she wasn't happy, she just barely existing.

"Julienne! Don't say that crap to me. I thought we were friends."

She frowned at his outburst. "We are."

"Friends don't leave friends. Friends come to each other, why didn't you come to me?" he was upset and made no attempts to hide it.

"There was nothing you could've done." Julienne whispered as the facade of dark humor slipped away and the truth, the ugly truth, became reality again. These last few days she could pretend nothing mattered but not with him, she could never lie to him. "I just thought it would be better."

"For who? Not for me and not for your mom. She loves you, _I_ love you."

Her grey eyes snapped to his face. "You barely know me." it was an odd mixture of shock and awe to hear someone express love for her after all this time. Sadly it was foreign.

"I love what I know. You're the best friend I've had in a long time and I don't want to lose you. We have so much to still do like that rematch on the race and finishing high school and then college where none of this stupid teenage crap matters. We got our whole lives still and I want you there for it." he said rambling like he did when he was hyper or nervous. He tried not to let her see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Julienne whispered as new waves of guilt and remorse joined the others that refused to stay at bay for too long.

"Don't be, just don't say it again." Nick grabbed her hand, careful with the bandage around her wrist. "What happens now? I saw your mom and she looks like she hasn't slept in days."

"She's become a drill commander. She paces the hallways ready to bite off the head of anyone who tells her to stop. She found a place out of state....a rehab for people like me who don't know how to deal with big blows to their lives. That's the correct term she used but it's really for people too stupid to realize the epic mistakes they're making." It didn't matter what people told Julienne or what the doctors wanted her to believe, she couldn't shake how she felt and she felt like a failure.

He treaded carefully with his next question. "You mean like you did with Michael?" she said nothing. "He tried to get me to tell him where you were but I didn't. I didn't know much and even if I did I wouldn't tell the likes of him. He probably was an epic mistake but it wasn't enough for you to kill yourself. He's not worth it. No one is." The air took on a gasping intensity as he finally addressed the subject they had been dancing around for days now.

Silent tears moved down her cheeks. "It wasn't him per se, it's what he represents." The sessions with the doctors weren't completely pointless.

Nick sighed. "I want to pound on him for hurting you."

"I let him do it."

"Like you said you had a serious double loss in your family and don't cope with it well. Michael took advantage of that and deep down you know it. I don't have much time and I don't want to waste anymore on him. Is there anything I can get you? The food here probably sucks." He was obviously nervous with his rambling.

"No. My flight leaves tomorrow Nick." Now that her evaluation was over it was time for her to leave the hospital and her mother wasn't going to risk taking her home.

His shoulders viably slumped. "So this is the only time we have together. For how long?"

"Three months. I'm going to finish my junior year online and spend the summer at the rehab. If all goes well I'll be back for senior year." She repeated it with the same optimism her mother had used. It sounded forced.

Nick gasped dramatically in hopes to lighten the mood. "I'm stuck here all summer without my best friend? That really blows. Where is this rehab place? I'm going with you."

"Nick—"

"I'm serious. My parents are always looking for a place to ship me for the summer in hopes I'll come back normal. I'm sure there's a hotel dying to have me camp out there."

"I hate when you say that. You are normal Nick." He didn't let his parents and others disapproval get him down but she knew it must bother him and offered positive reinforcement when she could. It maybe would've made a difference if someone had offered her some.

"So are you. You just need a little help getting back on track and I'm going to be there for it."

"You're serious." It was times like these she was really glad she fought back against Anna and Nick came into her life. He was the best and proved it more and more.

"Yes, so where are we going?"

They hadn't been best friends long but it was long enough for Julienne to know when Nick got something in his head there was no talking him out of it. It wasn't lost on her that he had been holding her hand the whole time. He meant every word he said and never proved to be anything other than genuine. "Florida."

"Awesome, I can work on my tan."

### Chapter 20

Nick had somehow managed to con the rehab staff into letting him stay late on visiting days and soon he was around even when it wasn't a visiting day. It didn't take long for the staff to see his was a positive influence on Julienne or for his infectious charm to rub off on the staff members and doctors. He joked he either had to win everyone over or have himself committed, either way he was sticking around.

"I think Mrs. Robinson is about to kidnap me to keep as a sex slave." Nick said about one of the councilors, an older woman he affectionately named Mrs. Robinson to keep as an inside joke between him and Julienne.

"Oh no." Julienne slapped her book closed. "What will we do?"

"Joke all you want but when I come up missing you'll miss me."

"True but think about it; you'll be having the time of your life."

Nick shuddered as he sat on her bed. "She's almost sixty."

Julienne shrugged. "I told you to stop being so sexy around her." she bit down on her lip to keep from laughing.

"How is this sexy?" he was wearing a pair of ripped jeans and an old t-shirt.

"It's all the colors in your mohawk, it reminds her of the hippie days of free love and all that stuff."

"You're turning red to keep from laughing. I take it your session went well?"

Julienne shrugged and sat up from her small twin size bed. "Dr. Sharon makes some good points and she doesn't take bull crap either so I cant' ignore her like I want to at times. We moved on from my tenacity to blame myself for everything and now she wants to tackle my need for self destruction." She sighed. "It is helping. I don't waking up filled with doom anymore and I can mention Amanda and my father without looking for the nearest knife." She said about her baby cousin.

"And your other heated subject to avoid, how's that going?" Nick was careful with his words, they never mentioned him by name anymore.

"We made a pact not to mention him at all, remember?" Michael Gregory was one subject she still hadn't found the strength to discuss with Dr. Sharon, no one even knew about it except for Nick.

"I know and we don't have to but you have to talk to someone if you want to move on from him and leave this place with nothing to weigh you down."

Julienne's shoulders slumped and she tried to stay strong. "Mom mentioned him when she called last night. Apparently he's dating this really 'nice' girl. It's like I never existed." She wanted to go on like Michael never happened, like it meant nothing but those lies were too hard to believe.

"You know when I was with Anna I used to think if I just said or did something differently she'd notice me more and start to feel the same way. It took me awhile to realize it didn't matter because I wasn't the problem so I couldn't fix it. Michael doesn't know what he screwed up when he pushed you away. He has his own issues he needs to deal with."

As Julienne thought about that she agreed with it. She wasn't the only one feeding into self destruction when they were together. "You could've just called him an ass."

Nick chuckled while wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "He is an ass, a huge hairy one that doesn't deserve your time anymore. You need to get better for you and everyone else be damned." He kissed her forehead and let go. "I have to go before she finds me."

Julienne laughed and pushed him away. "Go I'll give you a five minute head start before I tell her you were here and didn't bother to say hello."

"You wouldn't dare."

She smiled as he took off running out the door. She shook her head and laid back on the bed. Soon it'd be time for dinner and her group session. It was interesting to hear others talk about their reason for being there and the progress they've made but Julienne hadn't found the courage yet to speak. It was still easier to be the quiet girl in the corner hoping no one would notice.

She knew she was making progress in the last month, she no longer held anger toward her mother for locking her away. She knew now if she hadn't gotten help it was only a matter of time before she succeeded in really hurting herself. She was learning it didn't matter how painful the tragedy or the emotion nothing warranted death; everything could be fixed with time and healing. She was doing well with healing her wounds of the past, now she just had to heal the wounds Michael left on her heart.

"I just saw Nick running though the main entrance yelling 'she'll never get me.' He's...something else."

Julienne sat up and found Dr. Sharon standing at the door. The older woman stepped inside and shut it behind her. "Yeah he's special."

"And a wonderful friend it seems, he's the only one who makes you smile. How did you meet?" She asked in a voice that Julienne knew from their sessions, she was fishing for something.

"In school, we've discussed that already." Julienne answered with small amount of dread filling her. She knew the doctor had something up her sleeve.

"But not the circumstance behind it."

"You talked to Nick didn't you? And he told you more than I did." Her shoulders slumped to match the rest of her mood. "I thought my progress was supposed to happen when _I_ was ready."

"I don't want to rush you Julienne, I just want to help and you've been here now more than half your stay and you're still holding back. I want you to succeed in completing this program and going home but I will not let you go unless I believe you're ready."

Julienne couldn't blame the doctor for doing her job. She couldn't blame anyone for her mistakes and the fact they still made her feel like a failure. "Nick and I met when I got into a fight at school with some other girls. He helped me to the Nurse's office and never left my side. Having him there made me realize the mistakes I was making with Michael who never lifted a finger to help me." It was harder than she thought it'd be to say his name after all this time of trying to pretend he didn't exist anymore.

"Michael?"

"He's what I've been hiding. After I tell you about him you might want to keep me locked up because only an insane person could be so stupid." The tears began early, stinging her eyes as his face wouldn't escape her mind's eye.

Dr. Sharon smiled softly and took a seat. "Let me be the judge of that."

### Chapter 21

Michael was starting to hate school and it was only the first day, hell it hadn't even started and he was itching to go back home and sleep a few more hours. He was standing around the yard with his friends waiting for the first bell to ring bored out of his mind.

Anna was hanging all over Cody, they became an item over the summer, some drunken mistake gone too far and if it was possible the girl was even more annoying. Michael was tempted to stab himself in the ears with pencils to stop the screeching she implanted there. Every so often the screeching formed words that peaked his interest. "Oh here comes my biggest mistake." She spat when Nick Sheldon walked past.

"Nope you can't regret our time together anymore than I do." He replied with a smile before turning all his attention to the parking lot.

"Why are you littering up precious air by standing here?" Anna asked.

Nick didn't bother to glance at her. "Waiting for someone. Why don't _you_ go away?"

Everyone was a bit surprised to hear Nick talk back to Anna, he normally stayed silent when she got on his case or walked away. Michael on the other hand could care less about the bitch fest going on around him. His heart began to race, could the person Nick be waiting for be Julienne? Who else could it be? He had thought about the day he'd see her again, sometimes dreamed about it.

Annoyed enough with Anna's attitude Nick moved away from the front doors of the school and closer to the gate. Michael snuck glances that way when his friends weren't looking. It was about five minutes later when the mystery was solved.

Nick yelled. "Finally! The torture of this place is already too much added to the torture of my parents summoning me home early."

Julienne jumped into Nick's waiting arms. "Three weeks apart and we can't handle it. I think we have a dependency problem." She was all smiles as Nick set her back down on her feet. Three weeks apart? Michael questioned as he listened. She had been gone for months. Her voice caught his attention again as he spied on them. "What happened to your hair?" she asked, the mohawk was gone and a short buzz cut replaced it.

"I'm conforming, there was some family reunion and my folks put on enough guilt and bribes. Your hair on the other hand looks very nice." He ruffled her new shorter cut.

Instead of unkempt long hair down her back it was cut above her shoulders in layers and easier to tame. It framed her face in a way that had Michael's heart beat speeding even faster. She looked damn good.

Nick and Julienne linked their arms together and headed inside the school. She never once glanced Michael's way. Ouch, he thought, but then again she had every reason to ignore him. He had to speak to her; the question now was how was he going to get her alone?

~*~

It wasn't easy to be back there. Dr. Sharon had warned her it wouldn't be but no matter what she had to remain in control. She kept a firm grasp on her emotions and forced herself to stay in the present; she couldn't run away and hide inside herself.

"You alright?" Nick asked as they stopped at his locker next.

"Yeah, I can do this. She told me to just push through it and the next day will be easier. If I start to space out she suggested I keep talking." She kept her focus on Nick instead of the faces that tormented her for years walking by or the whispers about her new appearance. They couldn't whisper about her absence because no one realized she was gone for months. They wouldn't have noticed if she was there in town or not.

"I can help with that. Who talks more than me?" he smiled and her nerves started to ease. "Thankfully we have a lot of classes together."

The last bell rung and it was time to get the day started. At the door of her first class it happened; Michael was there. She almost bumped into him except she walked with her head up now, another tip Dr. Sharon made her promise to follow, and saw him before they touched. Everything inside her froze as she looked into his blue eyes. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Nick turn around to see why she had stopped. He didn't immediately run to her defense. They both knew this was coming and she had to handle it herself.

She stood a little straighter and offered a slight smile. "Excuse me." with that she walked into class and took her seat. He wasn't going to get the best of her anymore.

Throughout the day she spotted Michael here and there but he made no attempt to talk to her. She was thankful for that. She tried to stop thinking about him and noticing him but those were steps she'd have to work harder at.

During lunch flashes of the past started to reappear. She sat with Nick and not five minutes later Anna showed up, her shadow looming over their table like the nuisance she was. Julienne secretly thought Anna couldn't pass up tormenting Nick every time he was around because she missed him. Nick was a hell lot more attractive and a better guy than the one she was with now.

Julienne was really sick and tired of Anna and refused to cower ever again. "What the hell do you want?" she asked. "I'm sure somewhere along the line your parents taught you it's rude to impose."

Anna's eyes lit with anger. "Oh yeah I'm sure it's really important whatever you two dorks find interesting."

"Doesn't matter if it is or isn't, it's called a private conversation." Julienne spat.

Anna crossed her arms and an amused smile appeared across her face. "Look at you full of fire now. I guess that time at the loony bin really helped."

Julienne stopped herself in time before visibly wincing. She knew getting back to school wouldn't be easy but she had prayed no one would use the truth against her. How the hell did Anna know? She swallowed hard and reminded herself; no backing down. "Are you so bored this is how you have to entertain yourself? Or are you going to suck it up and admit you just want to be near Nick?" by now other kids were listening in and gasped at her comeback.

Anna's tough girl façade started to shake, her stance weakened. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Julienne smiled in her face. "Keep telling yourself that." She looked back at Nick and noticed him trying not to laugh.

Realizing she was beat but appearing to have grown tired of the battle of words, Anna walked back to her table.

"Good one." Nick said while he resumed eating.

"It's true. She can't ignore you to save her life even if it's just a comment in passing. Even someone as stupid as her sees what she screwed up. But if you were ever to get back together with her or someone like her I'd have to kick you hard somewhere soft."

A roar of laughter erupted past his lips. "Damn! I'll keep that in mind but you really have nothing to worry about. Anna makes my skin crawl now. I learned from my mistake. Yours hasn't stopped staring at you since we sat."

Julienne shrugged and resisted the urge to look. "Doesn't matter to me. There is nothing on this planet that will make me forgive him."

### Chapter 22

Dr. Sharon had explained several times to Julienne that she should tell her mother the truth about Michael and the emotions she fought to hide from her. Julienne was more open about her feelings but she couldn't admit to her mother the secret affair she had with Michael under her nose. And because of that she was stuck to suffer though a dinner with the Gregory family tonight.

"It'll be good to be around people, right?" Ellen Teller said with a small smile as she moved around the kitchen.

"Mom I know you and Mrs. Gregory are close, you want to invite her over then fine. I also know it doesn't matter what I say you'll worry anyway. I promise you won't regret tonight. I'm fine." It was a fib, ok a flat out lie, but she could fake it enough for her mother to have a nice dinner and visit with her friend. The truth was she was freaking out at the prospect of being in the same room with Michael without the barrier of school or Nick. Julienne had enough faith in her recovery to survive the night. It might be uncomfortable but it wouldn't waver her strength. That she wouldn't allow ever again. "Is there anything I can do? Make the salad?"

Ellen stopped and gave her daughter a flat look. "Not funny."

"Come on yes it was." The doorbell rung. "I'll get it and that should help ease your fears. Watch how good I'll be." she took off running to the door before her mother could intervene. Yeah so her biggest mistake and the source of her breaking point was on the other side; she was going to suck it up and exercise everything she learned in rehab. She owed her mother this and a hell of a lot more. "Hello Mrs. Gregory," Mr. Gregory couldn't make it this time. "Please come inside." She held the door open and let them in. "Hi Shane and Michael." Her heart raced at a painful speed but didn't wavier the polite smile across her face.

"Julienne, you look lovely." Patricia Gregory commented.

"Thank you." Julienne turned toward the kitchen to let her know where to find her mom when she spotted her leaned against the entry way watching them. Her forced smile turned real as she saw the relief and joy inside her mother's eyes. More than anything they were laced with hope. "Hey, how much longer for it to be done?"

"Twenty minutes at the most or it's a lost cause and we're having pizza."

Julienne decided to have a little bit more fun with her mother as she turned back to the kitchen with Patricia following. "Seriously though, no on the salad?"

Ellen laughed. "You're going to be the death of me Julienne Teller." She disappeared back into the kitchen.

"You're joking about it now?" Shane asked, breaking the silence before it turned uncomfortable.

Julienne shrugged. "It's either laugh or cry and I'm pretty tired of crying. How are you?" it was much easier to use Shane as her focal point and ask him questions than glance at Michael standing not far from them. Usually by now he was doing the talking and calling the shots. Not any more, no matter what she had to stay in control of the situation.

"She doesn't really care, she's just trying to ignore me." Michael insulted.

A burst of anger hit her before she could digest it. "Don't speak for me. You don't know what I think or feel and you never did. I'm trying to be the bigger person here and give my mom a good night. I won't let you ruin it. There's nothing for us to discuss so yeah I'm interested in how your brother is doing." Looking into his eyes and saying what was on her mind for the first time instead of running from him and his abuse, it the most gratifying feeling in the world causing a huge pressure to lift from her shoulders.

"You're wrong, there's a lot to discuss." Michael wasn't dropping it easily.

She shook her head and refused to cower, she kept her head up. "You made it all perfectly clear before. Nothing serious, remember?" she spat the words back at him. "I'm better in _spite_ of you Michael Gregory so yeah it's all been said."

"No." he ran a hand through his hair, it was longer than the last time they spoke that night he so coldly tossed her aside with no regard. "I was wrong. It's always been serious."

Julienne couldn't take it anymore and glanced away from his eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore. There's nothing you can say to change everything that happened these last few years, especially toward the end. I don't want anything to do with you. Maybe just maybe this one time you can honor my wishes." She let out a shaky breath. "I'll go see if dinner is ready yet."

~*~

Shane clamped his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Now isn't the time."

"She needs to know the truth." Michael whispered. He felt defeated. It wasn't easy being on the other side of having your heart torn to shreds. Damn he wished it could've been different, he wished more than anything he would've stopped running and faced what he felt head on no matter how much it scared him. "You heard her, she's never going to forgive me."

"True." Shane agreed grimly. "But like you said she doesn't have the whole truth. She doesn't have a clue what you truly feel about her or that being a complete dick was your way of trying to protect your heart."

"I can't even try to tell her anything. At school she's a master at dodging me and here....well you saw." he sank down into the couch with Shane by his side. He had different hopes for that evening, if he could just get through to her...

"Can you really blame her? You should just be happy she hasn't cut you into little pieces and served you up."

"No, I can't blame her but you know what? All bullshit aside yeah she's pissed and probably regrets the day I was ever born but I know deep down she misses me almost as much as I miss her. I'll make this right." He needed to hold on to that bit of hope, it was all he had. He was nowhere near ready to give up and let go of Julienne forever.

"How?"

"I have no freaking clue."

### Chapter 23

Julienne and Nick were sitting around the living room working on their homework, or at least she was. Nick liked to leave his homework and studying for the last minute so he could freak out more and ace the test. He sat beside her on the couch and started touching her hair. "You should let me add some colors to it."

"Miss the mohawk huh?" she commented absently as she wrote down questions from her study book.

"My parents made me agree I wouldn't grow it back for a year. They live to torture me and my creativity. I think my dad's scared I'm gay. You don't have to be gay to like loud colors and piercings." He said with a slight edge to his voice.

"No it just means you might like pain." She glanced up at his brow and lip piercing, she was sure he had others not visible to the public eye. "If it makes you feel better you can live vicariously through my hair."

"You're the best. Come home with me tomorrow, it's time my folks meet you any way before they start thinking you're make believe." He suggested while he kept playing with her hair.

With zero effort the cruel memory played inside her mind. "You know there was this time Michael was over with his mom. My hair kept going in my face and all of a sudden he disappears and comes back with a brush. He braided my hair."

Nick noticed how her face twisted into sorrow and regret. "It's ok." He wrapped his arm around her. "It's ok to realize it wasn't all bad. It's ok to miss him Jules."

"No!" she shrugged off his arm and ignored the tears forming. "I do _not_ miss him. What the hell would I miss? How he used me or how he coldly always reminded me I wasn't good enough?"

"It's only going to hurt you if you try and hold on to hating him. This isn't moving on, this isn't coping." He tried to explain.

"I...." Julienne's shoulders slumped and her tears fell. "It's all I have. I don't know how to shake the hold he has on me. I'm trying so damn hard but I'm barely going an hour without talking or thinking about him in some way."

Nick pulled her into a hug and whispered what he hoped were reassuring phrases of hope. Minutes later her mother arrived home and asked, "What happened?"

Julienne hated how scared her mother sounded. She sat up and frowned dramatically, her hand clutching onto her best friend. "Nick wants to put green stripes in my hair."

"Oh." Ellen Teller sighed with relief even if she didn't completely buy the story. "Well consider blue, she likes blue." With that she carried the grocery bags to the kitchen.

Julienne laughed as she rested her head back on Nick's shoulder. "I'm glad she isn't trying to keep us apart anymore." After her mother found out about Nick joining her in Florida there was no more doubt about his positive intentions and how he helped her. "Let's finish this before we both end up failing."

~*~

Michael laid in bed that night staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't remember the last time got a good night of sleep. Tonight he was running different ideas through his head, ways to talk to Julienne, hoping the perfect one struck. She was getting better and better at avoiding him and when they were forced to talk she plastered a haunting smile that made him feel sick. There was a lot of pain and regret laced in that smile and it was all his fault.

It couldn't end this way, that he was sure of. There was something between them and that something wasn't easily created or forgotten. There was still hope, he had to believe that.

It was time to make a move.

That morning at school he knew her second period was free and she'd be in the library reading. This was it. He was nervous as he walked toward her table. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. He was always the cool and collected guy with the I-don't-care-attitude, this was just one of the ways Julienne Teller knocked his world off balance.

She didn't notice him until he sat at her table. She lowered the book from her face and a scowl overtook her expression. She didn't hide behind her book or try to ignore that he was there. This new Julienne was strong and he glad to see it. She was more like the girl he used to only catch glimpses of when they were together.

"Please just listen." Michael began before she tried to send him away. "I know I'm the last person you want to talk to but you know this isn't resolved, not by a long shot. We do need to talk because there's too much still unsaid. Just give me ten minutes of your time with no one else around and I'll never bother you again." He begged. A year ago he wouldn't beg to save his life and now here he was begging her to listen and soon a lot more.

The inner battle flashed along her grey eyes, she clenched her book tight and forced herself to address the subject. "I don't trust being alone with you."

That Michael could understand. She was furious at him, probably even hated him but the spark was still there roaring stronger than ever. He wasn't sure if he could resist either if they were alone. He needed to put all his cards on the table, they needed to be completely honest if they were ever going to work through their past. He hoped and prayed he could get her to forgive him. "I just want to talk to you. I swear nothing more."

"Why?" her eyes glossed as she turned her attention to something over his shoulder. "Why can't you just leave well alone and go back to life before we ever met?"

"Because," Frustrated and in need of giving her and himself an ounce of comfort he grabbed her hands and waited until she looked at him again to speak. "Because I'm in love with you."

### Chapter 24

Julienne knew Michael Gregory was a cruel bastard, she probably knew that better than anyone else in the world but his latest stunt, now that was the icing on the cake. What did he think? That she'd fall right back into his arms and forgive months, no years of suffering at his hand? Did he really think she'd fall for that flat out lie? She was shaking with anger as she paced the girl's bathroom.

Try as she might she couldn't stop the tears that ran down her cheeks or the sobs they turned into. Her chest burned with fury and far back in her heart she cried with regret it wasn't true. Foolishly she had thought about it, what it would be like for Michael to have feelings of love for her, for him to give them a chance to be something real and not a secret hidden in the shadows. He shattered those thoughts every time he left her alone to be with the people that hurt her and every time he felt the need to remind her it wasn't serious, it was just a sex thing.

"A mistake that went too far. It wasn't real....it never was." Julienne murmured to herself as she sat on the dirty bathroom floor. She wasn't sure how much time passed when she finally found the courage to get back out there and face her tormentors.

She ran into Nick in the hallway. They were supposed to meet for lunch and she was more than a little late. He grabbed her shoulders and studied her face. "You don't look good. Should I call someone?" his voice was laced with worry she couldn't blame him for having.

Julienne smiled more for his benefit more than anything else. "I'm having a bad day. It was bound to happen but I'm not cracking up or anything. We don't have to hide the sharp objects."

"You're still joking so that's good. Do you want to tell me why you're having a bad day?"

"I'm starving. We can talk after school." She took his arm and led the way. If she skipped lunch it'd look like she was hiding. She vowed to never hide again. Her butt barely touched the bench when Michael appeared at the table. "Aren't you worried someone might see you talking to poor, insignificant, crazy me?" Anger was good, Julienne decided. It helped remind her of what was true and important and what wasn't. It fueled her resolve to stay strong.

He ignored that and asked, "Are you alright?" he appeared to be genuine with his concern but Julienne knew better than to trust it.

"Why wouldn't I be? You're cruel games don't affect me anymore." She kept her jaw tight and in the far parts of her mind wishes he'd go and end this torture.

"It's not a game and I wasn't lying. You ran away before I could say anything else."

"No, I didn't run. I left because I didn't want to waste anymore time on you." Julienne said the words with fire he winced at, for a split second she almost felt bad and then remembered the anger she was holding onto.

"What is it going to take for you to believe this isn't some bullshit trick?" Michael didn't bother to mind his tone. By now most of the students had forgotten what they were doing to watch the argument.

"You don't get it do you?" she stood from the bench. "I don't believe you. I would be the biggest idiot in the world to ever believe something that came out of your mouth. It took me awhile but I realized there's no changing someone and you've shown me for years just who you are and what you think of me." her chest tightened but she refused to cry another tear and especially not in front of him.

"No," Michael whispered, his tone tight with emotion. "It's not like that anymore."

She pulled back violently when he reached for her hand. Nick joined them and tried to intervene. "Just leave her alone. Everyone's watching and I'm sure this isn't something you want to do in front of them."

Julienne chuckled, the sound was ugly and laced with hate. "Yeah, it's going to be tough trying to explain this away."

Michael winced again, reacting as if her words were psychical blows. "I don't care what anyone thinks. Maybe this will prove it." he walked away and climbed on one of the tables sitting in the center of the room. "I want everyone to know I fucked up in a big way by trying to lie to myself and everyone around me." he kept his eyes on Julienne, he wasn't going to let her deny him anymore. "That's me; a liar. I lied and made excuses for my behavior because I thought in some twisted way it was right because it was expected of me.

"What I really did was blow the best thing that ever happened to me because I didn't know how to man up. The truth is the more time I spent with Julienne Teller the harder I fell in love with her.

"That terrified me so I thought if I could change what was happening, if I could push her away and still hold onto her at the same time I wouldn't have to face the truth and I wouldn't have to be scared anymore." He stared into her eyes and didn't bother to try and hide or stop the tears running from his. "It scared me to fall for you and not because of our past or what someone would think; it scared me because if I made it real and then I lost you I wouldn't know how to handle it.

"Except I lost you anyway." He whispered toward the end, his voice failing him as he poured his heart out for all to witness.

Neither of them moved. She stared at him on top of that table and he stared at her unable to say anything else or move an inch. It was as if time froze still for the both of them. Julienne didn't know what to say or how to react. Hell she didn't know what to _feel_.

The crowd around them started talking and speculating amongst themselves. It was Anna who grabbed everyone's attention next. "Did we all just step into the twilight zone? Please tell me this is some weird joke?" she asked of Michael.

"The only joke here is you Anna." Michael said as he got off the table. "You're fake, superficial and annoying as hell. You make fun of Julienne and swear up and down that your better than her but the truth is you couldn't be half the person she is even on your best day." He walked away and stopped in front of Julienne. "Say something." He begged.

She shook her head and stepped back. "I can't."

"Can't what?"

"Any of it." she broke her promise to herself to never run again. She turned and ran out of the lunch room and then out of the school without a glance back.

### Chapter 25

Julienne ran all the way home. Her chest was panting for breath and her muscles ached with tightness but none of it compared to the conflict and emotional frenzy her heart was in.

The phone rang and pulled her momentarily out of her daze. She wasn't supposed to be home and her mother was at the office for several more hours, who could it be? She walked over to the object and looked at the caller ID. It showed Nick's cell phone number. She answered. "I needed to get out of there but I promise I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"Are you alright to be alone? I'll leave right now if you want me to."

"No we both don't need to get in trouble. I'll see you later." Julienne promised again that she was of sound mind before hanging up. She couldn't blame him for being worried; she had just gotten home and needed time to adjust. It was expected for her to relapse and sadly everyone was waiting for her to. "I won't. I can handle this." she couldn't depend on someone else to keep her strong; she had to do it herself.

Julienne walked over to the couch and sat while trying to still catch her breath from the run home. Minutes later she really regretted not locking the front door in her haste to get inside.

Michael stared at her from the doorway, his blue eyes were a tailspin of emotions and she didn't know which one to believe. "I couldn't go back to class and leave this up in the air anymore." He answered the unspoken question of why he had followed her.

Julienne stood from her seat and stared at him. She couldn't believe he was actually there but then again she couldn't believe anything that happened today was reality. "I'm supposed to talk and keep talking but there's just nothing to say." All her sessions with Dr. Sharon flashed through her mind and not one ounce of advice applied to this situation. Nothing prepared her for this.

Michael nodded his understanding then closed the door. "What are you feeling right now?" she stayed silent unable to put it into words. "Do you at least believe me?"

"I don't know." She whispered, the faint tone was all she could muster with him standing in front of her. She didn't know anymore, days before she had been so sure Michael was the scum of the earth and now she wanted to believe him, she wanted to see some sense of good.

"I'd rather cut off my arm than ever hurt you or lie to you again. I did a lot of lying Julienne when I tried to make it seem like our time together was no big deal. I'm not good at any of this and I thought it'd be better to keep my heart at a distance." Michael explained, his words tight with emotion.

"You didn't think about what it was doing to me." Try as she might she couldn't stop from crying again. His presence and words wrapped around her heart with painful strength.

"I wasn't the only one lying. You pretended to be ok with all that bullshit I spoke."

"You knew I wasn't. I told you that day in your room...." it was now or never and it was far past time she let him know exactly what he made her feel. "I told you I wanted a real chance and instead you let your friends make fun of me and then left with them. How much did you want me to take?" the sadness was replaced with anger she couldn't forget, the betrayals he dishes at her with every breath.

"I never thought you'd hurt yourself—"

"No you never think but that's not my problem. I'm not letting you put it all on me anymore. You manipulated me every damn time into agreeing with you so you wouldn't feel guilty. I don't care what you feel anymore." Julienne wasn't sure how much she believed her own words and that scared her. She didn't want to but damn it if she didn't still care about him.

"You're right about a lot except you do care. You wouldn't be crying if you didn't care. It wouldn't be this hard to walk away for either of us if our relationship was as simple as we wanted to believe. You didn't want this to happen anymore than I did but here it is." Michael took a chance and stepped closer to her until there was barely an arm's length between them. "I want us to find away to be together. I want the chance to be with the real and healthy you."

She knew she should be kicking him out or something to unleash all the anger he caused but the words that left her mouth didn't come close. "How would that even work?" she couldn't flat out lie and deny his accusations because they both knew they were true; she did care, she did have feelings for him. Deep down even if she couldn't admit it; she did love him.

"I don't know but let me try." He touched his fingers to her cheek. "We can go slow until you can trust me. You call the shots and whatever else you want just let me back in." desperation touched every one of his words.

Julienne took a few stumbling steps back. "I just can't right now. I need to think first."

"That's better than you kicking me out on my ass." Relieved with her words he smiled.

"I should." She momentarily wondered if she needed to call her doctor and be readmitted, this certainly couldn't be normal or remotely sane.

"You should but I'm really glad you're not. I don't want to push you, I want you to be as sure as I am."

"And when did you become so sure?"

He walked over to the empty seat and sat. All smiles were gone and replaced with intensity. "When I heard you were in the hospital and you could've died I realized I was too late in trying to protect my heart and I handled everything the wrong way. I swore if I was given the chance I'd make it all right."

"I want to believe that but you never visited me and while I was gone you were living it up with another girl." she grew angry as she remembered her mother telling her about Michael and his fun summer.

"I didn't visit because I didn't want to set you back. I can be an idiot but I was pretty sure I was the last person you wanted to see."

"True." She couldn't imagine what she would've done if he had tried to see her during those dark times.

Michael stood and walked toward her again, this time only mere inches from touching. "And I wasn't with another girl. It was a date my mom pushed on me. I haven't been with anyone, not even a kiss, since you." he said the words slowly, making sure they sunk in.

Julienne's heart started to race at an abnormal pace reserved for only what Michael could make her feel. She thought it'd be best to get away, give them some room again except looking into his eyes her feet froze. "You're supposed to be going slow and giving me time to think." Her voice shook almost as much as her body did.

"I'm not doing anything."

She scoffed, her eyes stuck glued to his. "Right."

He smiled brightly. "I'll go then and you can think. Call me when you're ready to talk." Thankfully he stepped back and started walking to the door, half to his destination he turned back around and planted a kiss over her lips. "Bye." He rushed out the door before their hormones got the best of them.

Julienne sat before her wobbly knees gave out on her. It was funny how life kept throwing curve balls. She had been so sure there was nothing Michael could say or do to change her anger toward him. Now sitting there she had no idea what came next.

### Chapter 26

Julienne paced around her living room while looking at the clock every other second. Where was he? School was over and she was waiting for Nick to come by. She needed to talk to her best friend, someone who had been there these last few months and get their perspective. She felt like she was losing her sanity again every time she considered giving Michael a second chance after their messy less than ideal past. Could something real truly be built on such a foundation?

Five minutes later Nick was knocking on the door. She ran to answer it. "Finally." She threw her arms around his taller frame and held on tight for his limitless support.

"I missed you too. What's going on?" With her still holding on he maneuvered them inside and shut the door.

Julienne let go and jumped right into it, she didn't want to waste anymore time, if she waited another second her head might explode. "Michael followed me and we talked." She recapped everything that was said. "My head and logical person is telling me to stay far away from him and reminding me of all the reasons seeing him again would be a really bad idea."

Nick held onto her hand. "And your heart is telling you?"

Her shoulders sank and the nagging emotions glossed her eyes. "My heart won't stop remembering how he kissed me goodbye or all the wonderful things he said. He finally stood up for me against Anna. He told me he loved me and he was crying. I want to believe him." her mind went from reminding her all the reasons she should say no to all the reasons she should say yes. The memories of them dancing under the moonlight and how he held her as she slept kept nagging at her.

"If it helps; I believe him." Nick added with a slight cringe, unsure how'd she react.

Julienne's head shot up and she stared, shocked, into his green eyes. "What?" she didn't know what to make of this turn of events either.

"Hear me out. I hate him for everything he put you though and I want to slaughter him every time I think about it. But I don't think he was lying to you up there in the lunch room. It was raw honesty Jules. If you give him chance that's up to you but in my opinion I don't think he'd intentionally hurt you again. Your biggest problem together was the sneaking around and the lying, well he took care of that problem when he announced to everyone he knew what he feels about you."

"Wow, I didn't expect you to say any of that." Now she was truly clueless on what was supposed to happen next. Some part of her had hoped Nick would talk her out.

"I want what's best for you and these few weeks home you haven't been right either. Like you said you can't shake the hold he has on you and trying to push it aside is just hurting you further. Maybe you have to see where this goes to finally be free or maybe you'll end up happily ever after." Nick always spoke from the heart and told her the truth. She didn't second guess trusting his words.

Julienne laughed and for the first time in hours felt her body start to relax. "Damaged girls like me don't get happy endings."

"This time will be different." They sat together in a comfortable silence for several moments before he asked the big question. "What are you going to do?"

There were facts and there were hopes but there still wasn't a clear picture on what she should do next; what the best course would be for her already broken heart. No matter what he said or she felt it wouldn't be easy to trust Michael again. "We're gonna go to your place and I'll meet your parents and you can color my hair."

And that's just what they did.

~*~

Shane frowned at his brother's sudden happiness. "What did you do? Are you on something?" he had gotten used to seeing him sulk around over the summer.

"No. Let me tell you how today went. I cornered Julienne in the library hoping she'd agree to talk to me in private and we could figure this out. It didn't go according to my plan. I confessed I was in love with her, she thought I was lying and ran out the room. At lunch I tried talking to her again and she was furious. I realized trying to get her alone and tell her everything wasn't going to work so I did it right then and there in front of everyone. I have never been so fucking nervous." Starting to come down from the emotionally wired day he had, Michael sat down on his brother's bed. "I told her everything and she ran out of the school so I followed her. We talked some more and I finally got through to her."

"And that's why you look on cloud nine. So what happened?" Shane was excited for his brother; he had a first row seat all summer to all his suffering and was relieved to finally see it ending.

"She didn't flat out say no to giving me a second chance. She wants time to think. That's good right?" There were hints of doubt now as he thought back on it.

"Yes! Man she should be digging your grave and throwing you inside."

"You're so supportive." Michael said flatly with a near eye roll.

"Let me finish; like you said she didn't flat out say no and if she wants to think that means she's conflicted. You got through to her and after seeing firsthand how she's trying to push you away I know she still has feelings for you. I was the first to say you should've stayed away from her but now it's too late and I really think you have a chance at trying to fix it."

"You should've opened with that line."

"But the speech was still good right?" Shane laughed and punched his brother hard in the arm. "Next time this will teach you to listen to me. I told you, you were falling for her and you went and screwed it up epically instead of going for it."

"Oww you ass."

"That's King Smart Ass to you."

Michael stood from the bed and suppressed a laugh. "Whatever. I'm going to tell mom I'm in love with her best friend's daughter, maybe she'll have better advice your highness."

~*~

Nick's parents were nothing like Julienne expected. Judging by what he told her and how he was so friendly and outgoing she expected some strict yet nice people. They weren't any of that. It was a miracle Nick didn't rebel more.

After a quick introduction Nick rushed her up to his room.

"The dislike is neutral." Nick said about his parents with a shrug as he plopped down on the bed.

"That was pretty intense." Julienne didn't like his parents, especially how his father glared every time he looked at his son's face. So maybe Nick's look wasn't conventional but she certainly hadn't expected _that_. For all her mother's faults her love had always been unconditional.

"They were raised pretty strict and since they took me in I guess they think I should be more grateful and bend to their rules."

"You think after all this time I'd know you better. What do you mean 'took you in?'" she walked over to the bed and sat next to him.

"She's really my biological Aunt and he's the poor sap that married her months before I came into the picture. I was living with my grandparents after my mom OD'd but then they got sick and there was no one else. I was seven when I moved into his house. I think they're scared I'm going to end up like my mom. From what I heard she was pretty outrageous and wild." Nick explained it with no feeling, he could've been talking about a fictional story he read somewhere for the lack of emotion he used.

Julienne felt remorse for her friend and reached out to hold his hand. "Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

He flashed her a quick lopsided smile. "It's pretty depressing, isn't it?"

"So was everything you helped me through, you've been with me through thick and thin. Don't you think I'd want to return that favor?"

"I don't need you to. I'm fine. So they hate everything I represent? What teenager doesn't have that problem?" he smiled again and got off the bed to busy himself with something on the desk.

Julienne watched her best friend and knew he wasn't fine. He put on a good enough act but he was suffering with the rejection. He brought her there for a reason, he might not think he needs help but his subconscious was asking, begging, for it. He opened this sad part of his life so she'd know and now he could lean on her. She was more than glad to let him.

"So," she bounced off the bed and decided to be the happy talkative one, she welcomed the role reversal where she could be the rock for once. It was barely a percent of what she owed him. "Black is pretty boring, just how many colors are we shoving into my head?" she wrapped her arm around his waist as he tried to ignore the emotion swimming along his eyes. "Best friends don't leave friends, remember? I'm here no matter what."

### Chapter 27

The surprises kept coming at school. The next morning Julienne was aware of the looks and whispers behind her back, everyone wanted to know the full story about her and Michael and just what exactly he saw in her to declare his love publicly. She couldn't really answer those questions because she was unsure herself. What did he see in her to fall for? Going around in circles in her mind about it started to get rather depressing so she decided to ignore it and everyone else.

The surprise came at lunch when Michael came over and sat with her and Nick. He smiled at her and noticed the questions written all over her face. "I'm still giving you time," Michael clarified. "but that doesn't mean we can't hang out. Unless you want me to go?"

Julienne looked at him as if he had grown another head, he was being so sweet and considerate. She wasn't used to that. She looked at Nick for help and his answer was to shrug as if to say I-don't-know. She sighed and looked at Michael again. "It's ok." She meant that, it honestly didn't bother her to have him close anymore after they spoke yesterday and cleared some of the air.

Nick asked the next question on her mind. "Wouldn't you rather sit with your friends?"

Calmly Michael unwrapped his sandwich and spoke. "They're not my friends, if they were they'd accept me no matter what and wouldn't try to control my life. You and Julienne are real friends."

Relief swam though her chest to hear him say that. If she gave him another chance, a still very big _if_ , she didn't want to fight about her friendship with Nick like they had done in the past.

Nick must've thought the same thing and said, "Good so that means you understand and won't try to keep her from me. She's my best friend and nothing is going to change that." he spoke with assertion in his belief because he knew in his heart Julienne felt the same way.

Michael held up his hands in surrender. "I know I was a dick before about you and lot of things. I'm trying to change that now and believe it or not I'm glad she had someone on her side while I was too stupid to man up and be there myself."

Now Julienne really stared at him like he was from another planet. Nick looked at her with surprise in his green eyes. "He's really good." Her friend commented.

Julienne's mouth gaped open, this was all very surreal. "I guess so." Michael turned and gave her a bright smile. "But I'm still thinking." She didn't want him getting the wrong idea; she didn't want to be that girl who sent mixed signals.

"Ok I accept that that but while you're thinking if I'm worthy of the risk of a second chance can I remind you of something?" he asked innocently enough but there was something dangerously mischievous lining his eyes. Something familiar.

Staring into his blue eyes that always got her into trouble she wasn't sure what to do. "Um...alright."

Michael moved closer to her on the bench and captured her lips with his in the sweetest kiss he had ever given her. It wasn't laced with racing hormones and undeniable lust. It was more of a sweet I'm-glad-to-see-you kiss laced with we-can-continue-this-if-you-want-to type of promise.

Her eyes were ready to fly out of her head by the time he pulled back. If he kept surprising her like this she wasn't sure she was going to survive long enough to make a decision about their future.

Nick's laugh broke her daze, she sent him a glare. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"I'm sorry but your face was hilarious. I've never seen a mix of I want to vomit and kiss you back all mixed into one." Nick explained while trying not to laugh at the same time.

"I'm going to kill you."

"Nah you love me too much."

"Fine I have one better; I'm not letting you touch my hair again." Satisfied with her threat she crossed her arms. Her hair was an array of dark color highlights from purple to deep red to compliment her natural black shade.

"Alright Jules you win _this_ one."

Michael sat back and watched him bicker back and forth. He felt like an ass every time he remembered being jealous of Nick for spending time with Julienne. It was blinding clear now that they were close but there was nothing romantic between them.

Nick was a good guy and harbored no ill feelings toward him for their run ins in the past, for that Michael was glad because he knew if they couldn't get along it'd effect Julienne's decision.

He reached under the table and grabbed her hand. She didn't flinch or pull away, they held each others hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world. These small moments gave him hope. If she was still furious and hated him there was no way he'd be able to touch her. His mom had been right.

Last night he spent an hour telling his mother about his feelings for Julienne and gathering her advice. She had suggested he show her in little ways that he was there, to offer support but not push for too much too soon. Strangely enough his mother hadn't been surprised to hear of his feelings for Julienne.

It was nice to have people to talk to, he didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have his mom and Shane. His so called friends were certainly no help. Now that Cody was dating Anna it made sense he was siding with her. Still it stung to know the guys he had been friends nearly all his life couldn't have his back. Cody sided with his idiot girlfriend and her nasty comments while Marko completely ignored him.

Michael couldn't believe he let what they thought control his life for so long and now looking back at the things he did to Julienne and others he felt ashamed. There was still hope, he could still fix things. He needed to believe that.

He glanced at Nick and realized he was the person who knew Julienne, especially this Julienne, the best. He needed his advice next if he was ever going to win back her heart and most importantly; her trust.

### Chapter 28

Michael knew his friends, ex-friends, whatever the hell they were now, wouldn't be supportive and probably looked down at him now but he never expected they'd give him this much flack for who he chose to fall for. Soccer practice had been hell to get through but he shrugged off their taunts.

Or so he did until they stopped attacking him and mentioned Julienne.

"You were lousy on the field. I guess your suicidal bitch is a lousy lay." Cody sneered as the team stepped out of the locker room, all having changed and ready to head home.

Michael turned and looked at the other boy with his eyes dark with menace. "Yeah because Anna is so perfect. You and I both know how many have gone through there. Wasn't it you who called her a high traffic zone?" as much as he wanted to hit him he refrained, he didn't need the trouble with the coach and if there was anything he was great at it was attacking with words. Sadly everyone he cared about could vouch for that.

"And weren't you the first to lay into Julienne first thing every morning? Now you want to be some saint?"

"I was wrong and I own that. You're wrong now and you're too fucking stupid and phony to see it. We were best friends and instead of thinking about that you're letting everyone else cloud your judgment. I did that and I can tell you you'll regret it." Michael said his piece and made a move to continue walking by.

Cody slammed his hand into his shoulder and held him back. "The phony one here is you. You lie like you breathe and when she wises up to it you'll have no one left."

Michael grabbed his hand and twisted. "Let me go."

Their two pigheaded egos weren't letting them walk away. The fight started in the blink of an eye.

"Hey stop it!"

Michael stopped short of breaking Cody's nose when he realized that voice belonged to Julienne and it was her hands pulling at his shoulder. He let go of Cody and stepped back.

Cody wiped his hand across his nose, the blood came from the first time Michael hit him. "This isn't over." He walked away. "Oh by the way Julienne? There are some really good knives on sale at the mall this week."

Michael shook his head at how lame the insult was, it wasn't something to be proud of but Michael knew his taunts had been way more creative. "What are you doing here?"

"Nick had some after school project and needed a ride." She explained quickly as her eyes surveyed the damage from the fight. She ran her thumb across his lip and it came back red.

Michael smiled like a kid in a candy store as their eyes met. She was there and she was worried about him. This was good.

Her face paled. "Don't you dare think about hitting on me."

He snaked his arms around her waist. "Come on, I'm wounded." He nuzzled his nose to her neck. "Just ballpark here, how long do I have to wait for your thinking time to be over? Why don't you go out with me tomorrow and we talk?" tomorrow was Saturday and he wanted nothing more than to spend it with her. Well he'd rather spend it with her naked but any time together was a step up at this point.

She sighed and, probably unconsciously, moved in closer to him. "Ok but we're going slow. If you try to get in my pants at all I'm leaving."

"Fine I'll agree to that but I'm highly against it."

Julienne stepped back and pulled his hands free. "What was that fight about?"

"It's not important. Let's not ruin this nice thing we have going." He reached for her again.

"Michael."

Honesty went hand and hand with trust and as much as he wanted to protect her it would be a stupid move to lie. Sometimes this maturing thing was a pain in the ass, he thought. "He was talking crap about us and I had enough."

"You're going to waste a lot of time and get into a lot of fights if you start throwing punches every time someone says something about me."

It was hard but he kept a lid on his temper. "That bad huh?" he used to be one of her abusers and now here he stood wanting to take on the world to protect her. Yeah the universe sure did have a sick sense of humor.

"I don't let it bother me anymore."

As he looked into her grey eyes he saw that she really wanted to believe that but no one was that strong. The insults and taunts stung, she was just better at ignoring the reaction they normally caused. "Maybe I should try your doctor and learn some of those tricks."

"Dr. Sharon is a miracle worker but I think even she'd pass on you."

His mouth fell open and he gaped at her for a minute. She actually just made a joke at his expense. "We've really come a long way. All this talking and now you're cracking jokes. You know this turns me on."

A blush crept across her cheeks but masterfully she kept her face neutral. "I have to go find Nick. Bye."

He watched her go, actually his watched her butt as she ran quickly away from him. He couldn't wait for tomorrow. His smile fell as he realized he needed to come up with a good date, he couldn't just stare at her for the whole night and she was still against sex. He made a mental note to talk to Nick again about Julienne's likes but until then he went home.

As always he headed home in search of his brother who was a miracle worker with advice. He found Shane in his room getting ready for something. "Where to?"

"A date."

"It's pretty early, who's the guy?"

It wasn't something Shane broadcasted or something you could tell by looking at him but he was out with the family and their parents were great at supporting him. It had taken Michael some time to get over the shock his brother was gay but at the end of the day he didn't care, Shane was still his big brother and best friend. It didn't matter who he slept with.

"It's not a big deal."

"Right, that's why you're wearing the good cologne." He teased. "I got Julienne to agree to go out with me tomorrow and I have no idea what we should do." He didn't have much time and got right to the point.

"You should ask mom, she knows the Tellers better and might have an idea." He finished with his tie and pulled on his jacket next. "How do I look?"

"If I wasn't your brother or straight I'd be all over you."

Shane laughed. "Will there ever be a day you're not an ass?"

"I really doubt it."

"Me too. Whatever you do with Julienne don't let it be private, let her know you still don't care what others say."

### Chapter 29

Julienne was nervous as the doorbell rung and her mother opened, she had told her she had a date but never told her who with.

"Michael! You look lovely, what brings you by?" her mother asked nicely.

Julienne finished stepping around the hallway. "He's my date." She had to be fair and fess up eventually.

"Really?" Ellen sounded surprised and a little joyful. "How did this happen?"

Julienne started to panic, she wasn't ready to tell her mother the truth, she probably never would be.

Michael stepped inside with a warm smile. "I asked her yesterday at school and she said yes." He turned away from her mother and looked at her, his eyes slowly taking in her appearance.

She had gone shopping with Nick that morning and picked out a nice black dress for her date. The dress was long down to her knee and strapless, it was different from what she normally wore and Nick had told her that was the point, it was a fresh start for her and Michael and she should have something new and different on.

"Well then you two have a nice time." Her mother said, a smile Julienne knew meant she was happy they were being friendly.

Julienne returned the smile and said goodbye to her mother and promised to be home by eleven. Michael grabbed her hand and held it as he walked her to his car. The mere touch had her nerve endings pulsing with desire. It was going to be a long night.

"I thought your mom knew since she and my mom are so close." Michael said as he pulled out of the driveway. His curiosity taking front and center.

"Your mom knows?" Julienne hadn't considered Mrs. Gregory.

"Yeah I told her because I needed more advice then Shane was giving me."

"S—Sh—ane kn-ows?" She clutched her fists to hear herself shuttering. Yup, it was going to be a long night.

"Shane's known everything from the beginning; he realized I was in love with you before I did. He's my best friend and I needed some female intuition and he's the closest I had."

"What?" she felt so confused and embarrassed to know someone besides Michael and herself knew of their past toxic relationship. During all those intense family dinners Shane never acted like he knew such details.

"My brother isn't flamboyant but he is gay so he knows sappy relationship stuff most guys don't consider." He explained simply with a shrug of his wide shoulders.

"What?!" she turned in her seat and looked at him. "I never would've guessed." Julienne never would've thought cute tall Shane wasn't chasing girls all round the town like his younger brother had been.

"Most people wouldn't. So yeah I told my mom about you and she wasn't surprised. They seemed to know before me."

"And me."

Michael glanced at her as he drove. "I was being an ass trying to hide that I was developing feelings for you. It scared the shit out of me." He reached over and took her hand again. "I'm going to make it up to you." the air was serious as he stared ahead at the road and she avoided his handsome face and intense eyes. He broke the silence and intensity with what he said next. "You're killing me that that dress, it'd be so easy to get it off." She couldn't accuse him of being dishonest anymore.

She laughed nervously as he pulled into a parking lot. "You're supposed to be on your best behavior."

"I am and that's why it's still on." He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached over, cupping her face in his hands and kissed her. This wasn't like the last kiss he gave her in the lunchroom, it wasn't gentle or sweet. This kiss was hot.

Julienne felt a knot of desire and fear curl in her stomach as he continued to kiss her. His hands moved down her leg after he removed her own seatbelt and she felt like a goner, she couldn't stop him, a part of her didn't want to. She ran her hand through his hair as he masterfully explored her mouth. When her other hand trailed up his thigh he pulled away.

"Ok." He panted as he sat back in the driver's seat. "I didn't mean for it to go that far I promise."

"I'm sorry too, I don't want to send you mixed signals." Julienne's own chest rose and fell just as fast as his, in less than five minutes and many kisses later they were both feeling out of control.

"You're right we should go slow but the dress...." His blue eyes moved along her body again, each second his eyes grew darker and darker.

"It wasn't my idea. Nick picked it."

"He's a weird friend, most guy friends would try to have you for themselves." He kept his eyes down on her legs as he spoke.

"It was never like that between us, we've been like family from the start."

"I'm glad because I didn't want to have to kick his ass. We should get out of the car before I do something stupid again." He opened the door before the sentence fully left his mouth.

It was a little amusing to see him so flustered, it'd be even funnier if she didn't feel the same way. When she got out of the car she saw they were at a restaurant, a rather nice one from what the outside revealed.

Michael came around the car and took her hand. "I want us to get to know each other."

"We do know each other."

"No we know the bad things about each other and we knows each other's bodies but I don't know the little things." They stepped inside the restaurant; the hostess took them to their table.

"Like what?" she asked once they were alone.

"Favorite color? Mine is grey."

She smiled and felt like a dork for doing so; it was cheesy but still romantic. "Purple."

"Favorite movie?"

"Pulp Fiction."

His eyebrows rose. "Really? Not some sappy chick flick."

"I don't mind them but no they're not my favorite." She smiled at his shocked expression, it was nice to know she could shock him, it was usually the other way around. "What about you?" He grinned shyly and she nearly gasped. Michael Gregory embarrassed? It was time to call the press. "Come on tell me."

He buried his face in his hands and admitted his favorite. "Titanic."

"No! Really?" if it was possible she was falling harder in love with him.

"Kate Winslet is hot and...."

She started to laugh as she watched him and saw a brand new person, the way he was acting was completely out of his character. His guards were down like he promised they would be. "And?"

"I saw it because Shane forced me remember that. It was...sweet." Michael said the word sweet as if it offended him, his face scrunched up and he looked ready to throw up.

"Aww." She teased. "I've never seen it."

"Really?" he searched her face and saw she was being honest. "You might be the only person on earth to never see it."

"I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact Shane is gay, it's a big loss to the female community. He's so cute." Julienne admitted with a small frown. Saying Shane was cute was an understatement, he was down right sinfully gorgeous.

Michael laughed, hard and loud enough for fellow patrons to start looking at them. "I have to tell him that."

Julienne shrugged. "I liked him a lot more than you at first, he wasn't a jerk. I never understood how you can have him as a brother and your nice parents and be such an asshole." She said with a shake of her head. "At times I mean, you can be sweet too."

"Thank you, I think. I'm jaded, what can I tell you?"

Julienne glanced into his eyes and then back down at the napkin in her hands. They were from laughing to joking to now the air was trying to strangle her with it's seriousness. "And who made you so jaded?" she asked knowing he had loved before her and whoever the girl had been broke his heart good enough to change him.

He grabbed a hold of her hands across the table. "It doesn't matter Julienne, I'm over it now that I've found you."

### Chapter 30

After the wonderful dinner where they talked and laughed with all the freedom in the world Michael took her for a walk down the boardwalk at the beach. "Did you and Nick ever have that rematch?" he asked.

Julienne did a double take. "You know about that?"

"I heard you guys that night. I was angry you were being carefree and happy with him but I was also turned on when you saw your t-shirt stuck to you after you got out of the ocean. We should have sex on the beach one day." It was pretty liberating to be open and honest with her and to know she'd never hold it against him or use it to hurt him.

She scoffed and held her head up high. "What makes you think we'll ever have sex again?"

Michael chuckled and pulled her into his arms. "This." he kissed her and knew with the way she reacted to him she had the same impure thoughts on her mind.

"I hate you." she said with a breath while his mouth moved across her bare shoulder.

"Nah, you totally love me."

She groaned next and made no attempt to push him away. "I guess so."

He stood straight and looked into her eyes. "Really?" his heart started to race and it had nothing to do with the kiss they just shared. He was nervous, he was _scared._

"Yes." Her voice was soft, there was no more joking.

"Does that mean you're done thinking this over?" his fear hadn't left yet, he didn't want to screw this up.

Julienne reached up and kissed him first, with that kiss he knew her answer. He couldn't think of a time he felt his happy, he would've done some back flips if her lips weren't glued to his. Actually what he wanted to do involved her out of this teasing dress but they were in public. If she kept kissing him like this he wouldn't care who was around. "Julienne...." his hands moved down her body and cupped her backside. He pulled her against him so she'd feel the torture he was in. "Just say yes, say yes and we can get out of here."

"I'm scared, I can't yet."

"Why?" he pulled away and tangled their arms from each other and stared into her eyes. "I'm not mad, just tell me."

"Every time we'd have sex you broke my heart afterwards." She confessed, her voice a bare whisper revealing this honesty thing wasn't easy for her either.

"That'll never happen again. I'm all in Julienne."

"I know, I know that in my head but my heart isn't ready yet." Tears glossed her eyes as she spoke and that was enough for him to drop the subject.

"Ok. Let's go find something to eat." Michael took her hand and they were walking again.

"We just ate." Her voice was still low and soft, the memories were still there in the present no matter how he tried to erase it.

"That was dinner, we need dessert, there's always room for something sweet."

He tried to keep the date light after that, he didn't want her to think of the old jackass Michael. He wanted her to see that he was serious and trying his damnedest to make this work. It wasn't easy to ask her to forget such things but he kept holding on to the hope she kept handing him.

He kept her until the very last minute to eleven, they were sitting outside of her house and he wished he knew how to turn back time and start their date all over again. He felt like an idiot, he was a man after all. He needed to man up and deal with the cards they had been dealt. But he was also a man in love and men in love were idiots and turned into sappy dogs begging for attention.

Michael kept holding onto her hand, he knew he couldn't get between her legs yet but he wanted to hold some part of her, to have her skin against his. That's so cheesy, he thought as his thumb moved across the top of her hand.

"How was the date?" he asked as their last seconds together dwindled down.

"You did good if that's what you're asking. I had fun."

He smiled and felt like a stupid puppy again. "Good."

She pulled her hand free. "I'll see you tomorrow or Monday."

He leaned in and kissed her. "Tomorrow." He kissed her again, careful not to go too far but just enough to have her thinking about him for the next few hours to come. He pulled away from her mouth and laid a kiss over her cheek. "Goodnight."

She nodded, her body jerky as she got out of the car. He laughed as he watched her go; mission accomplished. There was no way she wasn't just as turned on as he was.

~*~

Julienne locked the door behind her and was about to disappear to her bedroom when her mother's voice stopped her. "I'm in the kitchen, come here." There was no hiding the fact she was home so she went to see what her mother was still doing up. "Did you have fun?" she asked, a small smile playing on her lips, ah this was the reason she wanted to talk.

"Yes I did. We went out to dinner and took a walk." she took a seat at the table.

"I didn't even know you liked Michael."

"Mom...." It was now or ever and she hated lying to her mother. "I'm in love with him."

Ellen Teller grew speechless. "When?"

Julienne wanted to sneak away and hide but that was the wrong choice, she had to be honest and face her fears. "Before I left to the rehab Michael and I had gotten close." She couldn't tell her everything, those words couldn't be formed. "He wasn't willing to have anything serious and that hurt me so I tried to pretend he didn't exist and that I didn't care. Now he's had a change of heart and we're trying to work it out."

Ellen still didn't know what to say, her face grew stern as she took in what her daughter said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was a lot I wasn't telling you mom. I didn't know how. I couldn't help think and sometimes I still do think you blame me for Dad. I hear you crying sometimes and I know you're lonely." She wanted to be strong and talk about this without regret but the tears fell freely from her eyes. She'd never be able to talk about her father without crying, there was just no way, she missed him too damn much not to mourn at the mention of his memory

Ellen's tears came as well. "It was an accident Julienne, I know that and have never blamed you. You have to stop blaming yourself. I loved your father and I will always miss him but never at the expense of you. Never. I couldn't handle it if I had lost you, you're my daughter and my old child."

"Mom..."

"I love you with everything that I am and I need you to remember that."

"I'm better now, I promise." Julienne knew there was nothing she could say to make her mother feel better, the same way there was no words that would've helped her before. Grieving took time.

Ellen offered a small smile. "I believe you sweetie. Let's talk about something more fun, tell me about Michael." That small smile turned into something that could blind.

"I knew you had a crush on him."

### Chapter 31

Epilogue

"Come on!" Julienne yelled at the closed bathroom door.

Today was their high school graduation and of course Nick was hogging the bathroom trying to prefect his newly grown mohawk while everyone else was waiting ready in the living room.

"It's only been ten minutes." Michael pointed out as he stood with Julienne. He arrived just as Nick dived into the bathroom. Nick had spent the night before, something about his parents were out of town. Michael was surprised they'd miss his graduation.

"If I don't start bitching now he'll be in there for an hour." Julienne said with a stern nod.

"We could use this time alone productively." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"You aren't that alone." Shane said, stepping out of the kitchen holding a pop tart. "Our parents are in there." He pointed back to the kitchen with an embarrassed cringe.

"They know we're together." Michael countered.

"They don't know you want to hump on each other like bunnies."

Michael gasped dramatically. "I've never." he pulled Julienne against his side, she laughed. "I'm a wholesome virgin."

"Even _I_ don't believe that." Patricia Gregory joined them next. "Don't corrupt Julienne."

Michael grinned but before he could reply Julienne elbowed him in the stomach. "Don't even think about it." she knew he wasn't above making inappropriate jokes in front of his mother.

"Still waiting on Nick?" Patricia asked. Over the last few months both families got to know Julienne's best friend and welcomed him into their little family dynamic, he was with them more than he was home.

"Best friend Nick?" Shane hadn't met the guy yet with school and working taking up most of his day.

Julienne nodded. "He's in the bathroom." She pulled away and walked down the hall to said bathroom. "Are you done yet? I know you don't want to be late, it's the last day we have to step foot in that hell hole."

The bathroom door swung open. "You're bitching a lot, nervous?"

"No, not at all." She lied right through her teeth. "It's the last day."

"And here comes college." They were both going to stay in town and go to their local university like Shane was doing, Michael was following his steps too. Nick hooked his arm around her shoulders. "I'm nervous too. I want it to all be over with no drama."

Together they walked down the hall where everyone was waiting. "You know Michael's parents and this is Shane his older brother." She introduced. Nick kept his arm around her as he shook the taller boy's hand. She felt him tense and wondered why. Nick knew by now no one there was going to criticize him.

"Ready?" Ellen asked, swinging open the front door. "I love the color Nick." It was a bright shade of green and purple. "It goes great with your cap and gown."

"Thanks Mrs. T, you should let me do something to your hair." Julienne laughed as he suggested this.

"Ok, stop hogging." Michael pushed Nick away and kept Julienne at his side.

Everyone left the house and started piling into the waiting cars.

Things were going good, freakishly good Julienne thought. She and Michael were inseparable, going out every weekend together and finding time during the week to sneak away and be together. Her mom was smiling and laughing more, she wasn't scared their bubble was going to shattered at any given moment.

Things were ok at school too, once everyone realized Michael wasn't going to stand to be bullied or give Julienne up they moved on to another source of entertainment.

Soon college would start and that meant a whole new chapter in all of their lives. One Julienne hoped would be much better than her last, she was relieved the hell of high school was over and that she and Michael survived it. She still couldn't get over the fact they were together considering how they started. She forgave him for it all though, she had to in order to love him. She now knew you can't control what your heart wants and it wanted Michael.

He held her hand a lot; he always found some way to touch her when he could. They sat in the backseat of her mother's SUV with Nick as their mothers chattered a mile a minute in the front. Shane and Mr. Gregory where in the other car.

"You ok?" Michael whispered in her ear.

Julienne nodded and turned to him, they sat close enough that that simple action had their noses almost touch. "I'm not all that excited to go do this and face those people." She didn't want everyone to worry about her mental state, still she was dreading this.

"It's the last time, you can tell them to fuck off and walk away." he closed the small space and kissed her lightly.

"Don't make me hose you down." His mother called from the front seat.

"With what?" Patricia pulled a water gun out of her purse, everyone laughed. "Seriously mom?"

"Don't make me use it." she warned before turning back in her seat. She knew her son and more than once already found him and Julienne kissing. It seemed best to hand a weapon on hand from now on.

Nick continued to laugh. "Your mom is awesome."

At the school everyone stuck close together while waiting for the ceremony to start. Michael noticed his once best friend Marko standing alone away from any crowds. "I'll be back." He told Julienne.

"How's he doing with them still being an ass?" Nick asked as they watched Michael's retreating form.

"I know he misses his friends and I hope they can somehow fix it. Marko never said anything like Cody did, he just stayed away from everyone." She wanted the man she loved to be happy and having at least one of his childhood friends back would mean a lot to him. "You have to have at least one person to bitch to."

"Is that what I am? You're bitching board?"

"Yes." Julienne gave him a tight hug. "I wouldn't handle it too well if something happened between us."

"You're stuck with me for life, no matter what."

Soon the ceremony began, everyone took their seats and nearly all the parents were holding cameras. Michael was one of the first on stage as they went by last names, Nick and Julienne would be toward the last to get their diplomas.

Oddly enough Michael behaved, there were no jokes, no comments, he took the paper from the principle and left the stage. Of course it was Nick who broke the mundane mold of the proceedings. He took the diploma and ran of the stage as fast as he could. "I'm free!" he ran until no one could see him anymore.

Julienne tried to keep a straight face but she was laughing as she her name was called next. She was grabbing the rolled up diploma when she noticed behind the school Nick was up to something. She took the paper and ran off stage too, it wasn't like she cared if the senior graduating class thought she was crazy. It was too late for that anyway.

"What are you doing?" she asked her best friend.

"Giving the ceremony a jump." He flipped a switch and the sprinklers started going off. "Something for them to remember me by." He laughed and ran before someone found him.

She caught up with Michael and their families as she got out of the sprinklers way, but not before getting pretty wet. Trying with all her might Julienne still couldn't keep a straight face at the drenched appearances of her family. Glancing around she found it easier to look at Shane because the drops dripping form his hair was pretty sexy and caused no desire for laughter.

"Stop drooling over my brother."

Julienne went red and punched him in the arm. "Shut up!" thankfully Shane nor their parents heard what Michael suggested.

"I know you have the hots for him." Michael's grin was cheeky and annoying.

"This is getting old." He had been teasing her about this for months now. "You still have to find some way to get under my skin."

"I can't control it sometimes." He reached for her and she stepped back.

"You're gonna have to learn because every time you start teasing me that's a week no sex." She knew her boyfriend and his weakness in their relationship was sex.

His blue eyes went wide. "That's not fair."

"That's life." Julienne took off running into the school before he could grab her and sway her mind in front of a crowd of people. She didn't trust he wouldn't try. He didn't have a shy part about him, if he thought it he said it and if he wanted it he got it. People be damned.

She was hiding in one of the classrooms when he found her. Michael glanced around and smiled. "This is the same room I first kissed you in."

"I didn't notice and I'm surprised you did."

"That's when I knew my life would never be the same one way or another. I didn't think we'd ever be here; together as a couple in love but I did know after kissing you something would change." Michael confessed.

She stared at him and no longer felt any ounce of anger. "I don't get how one minute you can piss me off and then make me love you all over again. Your way with words isn't just for hurting someone."

"You would know. I'm sorry for all that shit I put you through." Michael could never stop apologizing, he always found someway to say it or show her when they were together. Hurting her was his biggest regret and one he admitted to freely.

Julienne wanted to lighten the mood; she didn't want to cry in this school ever again. "I know but still no sex for a week."

Michael gasped over dramatically then dropped the act and smiled. "We'll see about that."

After graduation everyone piled back into the cars, Julienne made sure to put Nick in the middle of her and Michael, and they headed back to the Teller residence where they'd be having a big family dinner; ironically the same gathering that started this whole mess about a year and a half ago.

But unlike that first dinner there was laughter and love in the air. No one was secretly breaking from the inside, everyone wanted to be in each other's company and that was the best feeling in the world.

Julienne stood back and watched her mother laugh along with Patricia and Nick, he hadn't been kidding last year; mothers loved him.

Life was good and she prayed with all her might it stayed that way but if and when something happened to shake the foundation she built over the last year Julienne knew she could handle it.

