 
AMY PLEB

WRITTEN BY DIXON BURNS

INSPIRED BY MY WIFE

AND DAUGHTER

PROMPTED INTO WRITTING A

CHILDRENS STORY FROM A SUGGESTION

FROM MY WIFE

Published by Dixon Burns at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Dixon Burns

Discover other titles by Dixon Burns at Smashwords.com:

Amy Pleb and The Secret Tree

A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR.

And I use the term loosely.

A note to the reader. Amy Pleb is loosely based on my daughter. But the stories are purely from my vivid imagination.

The Big storm comes from a dream I once had when I was a child. I dreamt that my house had blown away in a storm. I was the boy who sat with his head under a blanket the all storm long. My daughter has harboured a similar fear in the past.

The Tall Tower is completely made up. Shambles and Uncle Lawless are not based on anyone in particular and neither are any of the other characters. The Tower itself is based on a local land mark near to where I live. But is a typical example of other such follies dotted about the country.

The Week of disasters is my take on what a young girl might experience in a week in their life.

Most girls will have a bad hair day, or have a zit they cannot get shut of.

Or have a ruck with their best mate and have a bad day at school.

I do not think however that your average girl will get a visit from a scruffy man, a fussy dog or a flatulent Ferret.

But again this story just came from my florid imagination. And to put the record straight Albert is not based on anyone I know or am related to either.

The Model Daughter is based purely on my daughter and how she could deface many a beautiful residence in seconds flat.

The lost kitten is based on a real kitten my Daughter had and his name was Charlie. And on the day we brought him home my daughter did not notice him sat in his cat box, which was placed on the kitchen table. And he did get lost but sadly for us all, we never found him.

Arthur is based on me to some small degree. But I have never cleaned a window in my life and as a result I have not fallen off a ladder and broken my leg.

Calamity Pleb is lovely and she is based on guess who. And you can read about her, Amy, Arthur and a host of new characters in my other creations, at a later date.

Watch out for Amy Pleb and the Secret Tree and Amy Pleb and all the Ghosts, which of course are about a tree and some ghosts.

Now I am ready to end my ranting's. But before I do I want to inform you, the reader that these stories are written in what I call Amy Pleb speak and the punctuation, spelling and grammar may be completely off the wall. So please stick with it.

YOURS DIXON BURNS.

Thanks.

CONTENTS

THE BIG STORM

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

THE TALL TOWER

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

THE WEEK OF DISASTERS

CHAPTER 1 – THE MODEL STUDENT

CHAPTER 2 – THE BIG FALL OUT

CHAPTER 3 – THE MODEL DAUGHTER
CHAPTER 4 – THE BAD HAIR MORNING
CHAPTER 5 – THE BIG ZIT

CHAPTER 6 – ALL THE INTERRUPTIONS

CHAPTER 7 – THE FLATULENT FERRET

CHAPTER 8 – THE LOST KITTEN

CHAPTER 9 – THE FINAL DISASTER OF ONE

DISASTEROUS WEEK
CHAPTER 10 – AMY'S POEM

The Big storm of 1976

Storm clouds gather overhead. The sky turns smoky grey, then blackens and becomes dark like charcoal. Thunder claps and lightning lights up the stormy sky.

The house shakes in the storms wake. The windows buckle, eves rattle and the rafters creek. The doors bang so much that occupants think, the doors will fall from their hinges.

The young boy of the house is terrified. Shaking in his slippers. He is six years old. And throughout the storm he quakes and shivers.

He spends the whole storm long with his head under a blanket next to the kitchen fire.

His hands fastened tight around his mother's waist. His eyes banged shut in his frightened little head. The boy is terrified out of his wits.

His dog Lass pants in the kitchen corner. She too is terrified by the raging storm, acting so violently over her head.

Storms have been many this year and the little AP (Arthur Paul as he is called by his family) has been petrified throughout every one of them.

With his little heart racing and head pounding. Whilst he waits for the storm to bait. The lightning to stop and the thunder to subside.

The storm becomes so load and furious that it blows objects around the garden. It sends plant pots and trellises flying.

Fork lighting strikes a nearby tree and it falls onto the house, knocking tiles from the roof, shattering the chimney pot and loosening its stone work.

Suddenly the storm begins to decrease in its rage. The lightening stops and the wind dies down and the rain pours for a while then stops. The clouds disperse and birds begin to sing again. The lad throws the blanket from his head.

But what the little AP does not know is that the fear he now feels, will be carried with him throughout his life and into adulthood. The fear that haunts him will be passed on to his child and she will have that same fear.

AMY PLEB AND THE BIG STORM
CHAPTER ONE

Amy Pleb was to anybody who met her, a normal 9 year old girl. She was smart and pretty with shoulder length brown hair and a pale complexion. She was popular with her friends and peers and all the grownups in the neighbourhood loved her. Her father often referred to her as everybody's favourite child. And to him, Arthur Pleb she was the best daughter anybody could wish to have.

Amy lived in a cute little three bedroom cottage which had gardens to three sides all boarded with beautiful coloured flowers, there was a big lawned area to the back which enjoyed all day sunshine. There was a big tree in the corner that Amy loved to sit under in the shade to read her favourite books.

From sitting here she would look up to the cottage and see her mother Calamity at the window doing the washing up, her mother would wave and smile at her, these were special moments for Amy.

Her mother was a lot stricter than her father but she knew that she adored her and their relationship was very strong.

Amy's cottage was set at the edge of the village she lived in called Cogan on the Fogan, (the Fogan River to be exact). She had lots of friends that lived nearby and in the light summer evenings as the children played out together the sound of laughter would echo around the village.

There were a couple of little shops in the village, a Post Office and a General Store as well as the local pub called the Tin Whistle, which was where Arthur would go to catch up with his friends or so he told Calamity. But the fact that he couldn't walk in a straight line on the way home made her think that he probably went to have a pint or two (or six).

At the edge of the village square was the Primary school that Amy attended, it was a small and very old building but Amy found it to be a friendly place. She enjoyed school especially the Art classes. Amy liked to draw or paint, she would do sketches, abstract or landscape. She found it relaxed her and she could let her imagination run wild. Amy's other love in life was her pet cat Tilly, she'd had her since she was a kitten and she would spend hours playing with her.

CHAPTER TWO

Amy was a bright girl. She was very well adjusted and had a good healthy attitude towards life. But there was one thing that stopped her from enjoying life to the full. This was to do with her fear of storms and bad weather. She had harboured these feelings for a long time, she couldn't remember exactly when this irrational fear began but she felt it must have come from the time when her father Arthur told her about the Big Storm of 1976, he was only a small boy of six years old. She can remember sitting on Arthur's knee and him telling her of how the storm had flared up one July night.

The skies had darkened and the thunder and lightning began. Arthur had spent three hours hidden under a blanket shaking with fear as the thunder clanged and clattered around his head and the lightning seemed to light up every room in his house. Eventually the rain came and the thunder and lightning stopped but not before one huge bolt of lightning had struck a tree in Arthur's garden which came tumbling, down crashing into the roof of Arthur's house, causing a lot of damage.

It must have been this story that caused Amy to become fearful of storms, she couldn't think of any other explanation.

As Amy grew older she began to have dreams about storms sometimes even nightmares.

One particular night Amy dreamt that her house had been blown away leaving her and her family homeless. Amy began to dread going to sleep in fear of her dreams, so she decided to learn as much as she could about storms. She read books, searched the internet and watched as many television programs and movies that she could to find out more about storms but it seemed the more she found out the more frightened she became. What Amy didn't know was that two days before her birthday her worst fears were about to come true.

CHAPTER THREE

It was a Friday evening. Amy came home from school with a spring in her step, it had been a good week. She had done well in her spelling test that morning and her mum Calamity would be making her favourite Cheese and tomato Pizza, followed by yoghurt. Amy dutifully ate all her tea and then decided to do her homework so she could enjoy the weekend. After finishing her homework she decided to go out into the garden and read quietly, she sat under the tree reading with Tilly laid at the side of her. When it was time she went back into the house to watch the weather report, this was a habit that Amy had got in to. But tonight as she watched she wasn't at all happy with what the weatherman was saying.

"Tonight we are giving out a severe weather warning we have been watching this all day and it appears that there is a possibility of a tornado."

At this point Amy was quaking in her boots.

Amy turned to her mum who was sat with her on the sofa and said "this is it mum we're all going to die."

Calamity put her arm around her daughter, kissed her gently and told her that everything would be fine.

Amy was aghast, she pulled away from her mum, her voice shaking with fear.

"But mum you know what happened to dad!"

"Yes Amy I do" replied Calamity in a calm voice, "and it must have been terrible but nobody was hurt!"

"But mum" Amy protested what about all the bad storms where people have died?"

"Oh Amy it doesn't mean it's going to happen here does it?"

Amy could take no more, she scooped Tilly in her arms and ran up to her bedroom.

Calamity sat on the edge of the sofa, she was upset that Amy was so scared but in her head she was also cursing Arthur for filling his daughters head with the story of the big storm.

CHAPTER FOUR

Calamity thought that it was no use going after her daughter as she knew that when Amy did go off in a huff she needed a little time to cool off, she just got herself a cold drink from the fridge and waited for Arthur to come home.

As she sat Calamity thought that Amy had never experienced a really bad storm, not like Arthur's big storm. Amy was so afraid of a loud wind or a single clap of thunder, even one flash of lightning sent shivers down her spine, whenever these events occurred Amy would grab hold of whatever was nearest to her shivering and shaking literally in fear.

Sometimes she would hide under the bed or pull a blanket over her head. One night when the wind was howling around the house she had run from her bedroom and hid under her parent's bed. She had asked Arthur and Calamity to join her to the revolt of both of them.

After about ten minutes Arthur walked through the front door of the cottage, Calamity switched the Kettle on and went in to greet him.

Arthur loved a cup of tea after a hard day at work.

Calamity was a loyal and loving wife and would always greet her husband with an affectionate smile even when she wasn't happy with him as she was right now. Arthur admired this in her and it was one of the reasons that he loved her so much.

Arthur smiled back at his wife and asked "how ya doing?"

Calamity just sighed and said "not very well, there's a storm on the way, Amy's seen it on the news and she's rushed upstairs in a strop."

"Oh" Arthur said.

"You might well say Oh, it's your fault filling her head with stories of storms in the first place. I bet she's up there now clicking away on the internet reading as much information she can about storms."

Arthur apologised to his wife but he had only told Amy the story about the big storm because he thought she should know.

Calamity only half agreed and explained that Amy was so scared of storms now that even a strong breeze freaks her out. Calamity brought up the occasion when they were on Weldon beach and the wind picked up a bit.

She was in the beach tent quicker than you could say Storm.

"I know, I know" replied Arthur "I'll go up and talk to her."

Calamity agreed with Arthur, Amy always seemed to listen to her dad, although this was the reason they were in this mess.

Arthur left the kitchen making his way to Amy's bedroom and sure enough from outside her bedroom he could hear the clicking of the computer keyboard, he knocked gently on her door and called out her name. "Amy."

Arthur pushed the half open door so he could look inside.

Amy was sat at the computer just has Calamity had supposed.

"You ok Amy?" Arthur asked.

Amy seemed distracted and just replied "yeah."

Arthur entered Amy's room hopping on one leg and hopped over to where she was sitting. He often did this, when he thought Amy may be upset. He did this to try and cheer her up.

Amy was aware of what her dad was doing by hopping on one leg and normally this kind of tactic would work with her, but not today. Amy never took her eyes of the computer but replied to her dad by saying "you're not helping dad."

"Ok Amy" Arthur replied realising that it was a daft idea to try to play the fool at a time like this.

"You ok?" Arthur asked again.

"No" came back the reply.

"What's up Amy?"

"There's a storm coming and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Amy darling don't you think you're taking this too far?"

"Dad it was you who told me about the big storm and the tree getting struck by lightning and hitting the house." Amy's voice was starting to get a little hysterical and her eyes were beginning to sting as the tears welled up in them.

"Yes darling," he replied "but as I explained no one was hurt and we were all perfectly safe in the house."

"But dad we may not be so lucky you see it on the news all the time people being killed by tornadoes."

"Yes darling but that's in America and other places in the world not here, reading all these stories and watching the movie Tornado over and over only makes your imagination run away with you. It's not reality Amy, it's just make believe."

"But it's based on real facts dad."

"I know darling but you can't let it rule your life this way, listen what can you hear now?"

"Nothing dad."

"Yes Amy look out of the window it's all quiet and still."

"You're right dad" Amy said as she looked out of her window, not even the branches on the tree were moving.

"There you have it girl" Arthur replied feeling pleased with himself, nothing had happened, according to the weather report it should have been really stormy about now but there was no sign of it.

Arthur gently put his arm around Amy and they cuddled, as much as she was afraid Amy felt safe in her father's arms and she knew that he would always protect her.

Arthur suggested that Amy had a wash and get herself ready for bed and then she could come downstairs and he would make her some supper.

Amy felt a lot better now, she agreed to do what her father had asked and Arthur left her bedroom and made his way downstairs to talk to Calamity.

CHAPTER FIVE

Arthur went into the kitchen where Calamity was preparing their evening meal. She turned to Arthur expecting a full report on the condition of their daughter.

Arthur smiled at his wife and explained that Amy had now calmed down, they had a good chat and that she would be down for supper as soon as she had washed and got ready for bed. About five minutes later Amy came bounding down the stairs as if nothing had happened.

Calamity smiled at her daughter, she really was a beautiful girl and asked her what she would like for supper.

"Just some toast please mum" and Arthur duly went to get two slices of bread from the bread bin and placed them in the toaster for her.

Shortly after Amy was in the lounge watching Television munching on her toast whilst her parents sat in the kitchen eating their evening meal, chatting about life in general.

Calamity smiled at her husband and all seemed to be well in the Pleb household for now.

Amy seemed to be engrossed in her TV program and Arthur and Calamity were both now sat relaxing after a good meal and wondering about the washing up.

CHAPTER SIX

Calamity was just about to get up and clear the dishes when there was a massive clap of thunder, the storm seemed to be coming after all, and then another huge clap of thunder followed by a bright flash of lightning through the kitchen window.

Arthur and Calamity's eyes met as they faced each other as if to say Oh no Amy. A few seconds later Amy came flying into the kitchen in a total panic and fear on her face she ran into her mums arms as she still sat at the table.

"Mum it's started" Amy said quietly as tears trickled down her face. The thunder kept clapping and the lightning kept flashing and the rain became heavier and heavier.

By now still in her mother's arms Amy was shaking with fear and Calamity could feel her daughter's whole body shake and shudder.

She was beginning to wonder if Amy was right to be frightened as the thunder and lightning seemed to be so loud and so scary.

Arthur seemed to sense the fear his wife was feeling so he got up from his chair and went to put his protective arms around the two most important people in his life and kissed them both on their foreheads, Arthur had to be strong for his girls.

But little did they know that his heart was pounding as it always did during a storm, he hated them and always had since he was a child, but he wasn't going to let them know that.

Amy was full of fear and in total distress and outside the storm continued to rage.

The lightning, thunder and rain increased and the whole cottage seemed to shake in the wake of the storm, the windows bowed as if they would break and the doors rattled as if they would fly off their hinges.

By this time Amy was crying uncontrollably and beside herself with anxiety and fear due to realising how the house was responding to the storm outside.

The three of them huddled in the kitchen together as the storm appeared to be right over head.

At this point Amy broke away from her parents running out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Calamity ran after her and Arthur remained down stairs to make sure all the doors and Windows were locked and bolted.

Calamity could hear her daughter screaming "where's Tilly? Where's Tilly?" In the confusion that had arisen in the sudden commencement of the storm everyone had forgotten about Tilly. Amy ran into her bedroom with Calamity close behind her, she dived under her bed.

It was a high bed with enough room underneath for all her toys and space still left to play and hide, the bed had curtains around each side which sometimes made it feel safer for Amy although not on this occasion.

As Amy pushed the curtain back she could see Tilly in her cat bed fast asleep totally oblivious to anything going on around her.

Amy grabbed her from her bed and scooped her up into her arms. Tilly appeared surprised and startled but was happy to be in the arms of her owner. She never scratched or clawed Amy she was happy to get the cuddles.

Calamity followed Amy under the bed, she had to stoop to get under but on this occasion she didn't squirm at going under the bed she felt it reassuring and a safer place to be.

"Oh good you've found Tilly."

"She's ok mum" Amy said but because she was so frightened her grasp on Tilly was tighter than it should have been and Tilly wriggled and squirmed till she got herself free and made her way back to her bed where she curled up and went back to sleep.

This didn't bother Amy as she was grateful to know that she was safe and sound and at least one family member was undeterred by the raging storm outside.

Also under her bed Amy had a small sofa bed which Calamity suggested they made into a bed so they could rest on it, Amy agreed and helped her mum organise it and without disturbing Tilly too much.

Mother and daughter began to lie on the bed. They both hugged each other.

At this point Arthur had secured everything down stairs and was now upstairs checking all the upstairs windows.

The wind was blowing that hard that he thought that the windows would shatter, covering him into a thousand shreds of glass.

Arthur had also been careful to turn off all the electrical appliances and switched off all the lights before he went to Amy's room to join his family.

Arthur knew exactly where Amy would be and suspected that Calamity would be there with her.

He stooped down under the bed and saw them huddled together. He got the quilt from Amy's bed and gently laid the quilt over his wife and daughter. Calamity pulled the quilt over them both. And Arthur got on the bed with them, with Amy sandwiched between himself and Calamity. He kissed the back of his daughters head and asked her how she was doing.

"I'm still scared dad" Amy replied.

The storm was still raging with great gusto and there didn't seem to be any hope of it dying down. Arthur closed his eyes, he didn't want anyone to see the fear in them and he silently said a prayer that the cottage could withstand the battering it was taking. All three of them lay there for what seemed like an eternity. But it wasn't, it just felt like it.

It had only been half an hour when Arthur suddenly realised that despite all her worries and fears Amy had actually drifted off to sleep, he quietly told Calamity and she replied "good" in a whisper.

After another ten minutes or so Calamity also drifted off to sleep but Arthur lay awake listening to the storm. Arthur got up to take a look out of the window.

He pulled the curtains back and looked. The wind was still blowing and the rain still heavy but the thunder and lightning seemed less frequent and further away. Arthur let the curtains fall back and went back to the sofa bed and settled down with his family, within five minutes he was asleep, and they remained that way for the rest of the night.

CHAPTER SEVEN

In the morning out of the three of them it was Amy who was first to wake. She was in a bit of a daze and puzzled at first she couldn't get her bearings and didn't quite know where she was. She could not understand why she was laying on the sofa bed with her parents and Tilly who must have joined them at some point in the night.

Then it hit her suddenly she had been there with her parents because of the storm. She quickly sat up in bed remembering the enormity of the storm but then began to wonder if she had dreamt it all or if it had been real.

As in her eyes people died in storms like that. Or had she died? Had they all died, even Tilly and gone to Heaven? Was this heaven?

Well if it was, then it was exactly like home. Amy thought about it for a while but then she realised that she was still alive and she could see her parents on the sofa bed were still breathing and were also still alive.

And right on cue Tilly lifted her head from her bed as much to ask what's all the fuss about?

Amy crawled out from the bottom of the bed and walked slowly to her bedroom window.

She nervously pulled back the curtains all too aware of what she may see out there, which may not be pleasant.

As the curtains went back Amy looked through the window, the garden was strewn with debris, garden furniture, branches, twigs; plants all littered the garden but nothing else.

The storm had gone there was no strong wind, no rain, the thunder and lightning had stopped and there wasn't even a breeze everything was calm and still.

Amy could just see where the sun was beginning to rise.

Amy went out of the bedroom to check the rest of the upstairs. As far as she could tell no trees or other objects had struck the house.

She went downstairs but all was well, everything was in its rightful place, all the windows were intact and the doors were still on their hinges.

As Amy was checking everything her mum and dad came downstairs and greeted her with a huge affectionate hug.

Calamity spoke softly to her daughter and said "I told you everything would be alright we're all still here safe and sound."

Arthur apologised to his daughter saying he was sorry for filling her head with storm stories.

Amy just smiled at her dad and said it was ok, and it was ok because she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She had been in a massive storm, but they had all lived through it.

Later Amy took a walk through the garden looking at all the mess knowing that it was going to be a big clean up job for herself and her parents. She looked up at the cottage and saw that there were a few loose roof tiles and a chimney pot had blown off but other than that everything was sound. Amy felt blessed and somehow felt like a changed person.

As Amy went back into the house she saw her mother doing the washing up from the night before and her dad watching the weather forecast.

The weatherman was talking about the worst storm they had seen in years which had happened the night before, there had even been a small tornado.

Amy smiled to herself as she told her dad.

"You shouldn't be watching that Dad, it will only scare you!"

And finally she felt at peace.

The End

AMY PLEB AND THE TALL TOWER
CHAPTER ONE

It was 10 am on a Saturday morning and Amy was in her bedroom packing her suitcase. She had just broken up from school for the summer holidays and she was really excited to be packing as she was going to stay with her Uncle Lawless for a week.

This was something that Amy had been doing for a couple of years and she couldn't wait to get going. Uncle Lawless was her mother's brother and Amy loved him very much as he did her.

Just then Calamity Amy's mum came in.

"Hi love, have you nearly finished packing?"

"Nearly mum" Amy replied with a big smile on her face.

Calamity smiled back, she was happy that Amy liked to spend time with her Uncle, but she was also half smiling at the fact that Amy had a list in her hand and for every item that went into the suitcase Amy ticked it off her list with a pencil.

When the packing was finished Calamity zipped up the suitcase and carried it downstairs.

Before Amy left the house to visit Uncle Lawless, she scooped up her pet cat Tilly in her arms and gave her a great big hug saying "bye darling, you be a good girl."

Half an hour later Amy was travelling in her dad Arthur's estate car on her way to her Uncles. Calamity was driving and Arthur was in the passenger seat as usual.

Calamity always drove as she was not a good passenger and didn't feel safe when her husband was driving. Amy sat in the back reading her new library book, The Knights of Pallagrim, it was one of Amy's favourite pastimes reading, she could get so engrossed in her book that she would completely lose track of time.

Amy and her family travelled the twenty miles to her Uncles house which roughly took thirty five minutes traffic permitting, although today it had taken forty minutes thanks to some minor road works, but Amy remained blissfully unaware and Calamity smiled as she saw the familiar sign informing them that they had reached the town of Fogan.

They drove through the town centre which was similar to Cogan on the Fogan but on a bigger scale.

They pulled into Uncle Lawless road and stopped outside his rather smart Georgian double fronted detached home. Uncle Lawless was not a millionaire but he was quite well off.

He was an artist who specialised in water colours and his special subject was the drawing and painting of wild fowl which was abundant in the area as the landscape around Fogan was adjacent to the mighty Fogan River with its wetlands where such birds thrived.

As they pulled up outside the gate which was next to the pathway that led to the house, the front door was flung open and Lawless flew out of the doorway and came rushing down the path to greet his family.

Lawless was a tall slim man with shoulder length blonde hair, a close beard, a long nose and chiselled features. He had a somewhat obscure clothes sense and today he was wearing calf length brown boots, light blue corduroy trousers, a white t-shirt with a dark brown waist coat to top it off.

He came through the gate to the edge of the pavement where the Plebs car was parked. He walked up to Amy's window and knocked on it.

Amy in a flash opened the window and said "Hi Uncle Lawless."

"Hi yourself" replied her Uncle with a big smile, "how ya doing girlie?" he asked.

"Fine" said Amy as she opened her car door leaping out to give him a great big hug.

Lawless hugged her back and lowered his head to kiss his favourite niece on the top of her head, they hugged and cuddled some more.

Calamity and Arthur got out of the car and went to greet Lawless, Calamity hugged her brother and he gave her a peck on the cheek.

Arthur strode up to Lawless and grabbed him firmly by the hand and shook it.

"Hi Arthur" Lawless greeted him.

"Hi Lawless, how's it going?"

"Fine mate."

When Lawless had welcomed each of his guests he invited them to come into the house. They all walked up the path together Amy holding firmly onto her Uncles hand and Calamity continuing to exchange pleasantries.

Arthur had the job of carrying Amy's suitcase and he was beginning to wonder just how much stuff Amy needed for one week judging by the weight of it she had packed for a month.

They went inside the house and closed the door behind them.

Calamity and Arthur stayed for half an hour taking liquid refreshments and eating some buns that Uncle Lawless said he had baked but were obviously bought from a shop, the Plebs giggled a little but said nothing as they didn't want to offend their host.

When they had finished they took their leave, leaving Amy and Lawless to fend for themselves for the week.

Amy went upstairs to the room that was to be her bedroom for the week.

She wanted to unpack quickly and duly found her suitcase on the bed where Arthur had left it.

Downstairs Lawless had started to prepare a meal for them. The rest of the evening was spent with them chatting to each other and playing board games, which Amy always seemed to win. She thought she must be good at them but her uncle knew better, he knew Amy cheated.

CHAPTER TWO

The next morning Amy awoke to the sound of church bells, it was Sunday and the sun was shining. She went to the bathroom to have a wash and brush her teeth and then got dressed, as she went downstairs she could smell ground coffee, she realised that her Uncle must already be up, he loved his ground coffee but only seemed to make it on a Sunday as if it were a special treat, every other day he just had instant.

As she went down the stairs the smell became stronger as if she was breathing it in, it was thick, heavy and pungent on her senses. Lawless saw Amy enter the kitchen and with a welcoming smile asked if she had slept well.

Amy said "yeah Uncle" and posed the same question to him.

"Fine" he replied and then asked "what shall we do today?"

"Can we go to the Tower?" Amy asked hopefully.

"No" said Lawless.

Amy already knew the answer it had been the same one ever since she had first asked two years ago.

"Why don't you want to take me up there?" Amy asked pleadingly.

Lawless gave her a slow glance and replied "I don't like the place, it's spooky and it's supposed to be haunted."

Amy continued "do you think it's haunted Uncle?"

"I cannot say Amy I'm not sure I believe in ghosts."

Amy pondered for a minute, "but I think I do she finally said."

"That's as maybe darling but I ain't going up there and I don't want you to either."

Amy sighed as she agreed to do as she was told.

After he'd brewed his coffee and made them a nice breakfast of lightly buttered wholemeal toast with chunky marmalade on top, the special marmalade that Uncle Lawless always gave her on the first morning of her stay, it was made of oranges and was rich and sticky but so gorgeous to eat, she had two big slices of the toast and a mug of tea to compliment the breakfast.

After breakfast they both decided to venture outside into Lawless large rambling garden.

The garden was layed to lawn at both front and rear with flower beds around some of the edges. He had ample space and had a large vegetable patch, a herb garden and an orchard with apple, pear and plum trees.

Lawless had a large greenhouse where he grew tomatoes and the oranges which he used to make his marmalade. The orchard was two acres in size and it led to the Fogan River.

After a pleasant morning in the garden Amy and her Uncle began to feel hungry again and went to get some lunch. Lawless made them a barbeque and they ate it on one of the three patios which surrounded his home.

He had made homemade lamb burgers with crusty rolls which he had baked the day before, some sliced onion and a salsa verde salad. Amy commented to her Uncle how much she had enjoyed lunch but all the time she had been staring and wondering what secret the tall tower held.

It could be viewed from the garden and she knew Uncle Lawless had forbidden her to go near it and she intended to not betray him but curiosity was getting the better of her.

In the afternoon Amy was on her own in the garden playing whilst Uncle Lawless took a nap in the hammock which was fastened between two Oak trees.

Amy giggled to herself as her Uncle snored, but then she heard a noise coming from over the wall.

The wall was the boundary between her Uncles house and the Bench family that lived next door. They consisted of Donald Bench, Vesper Bench, and their two children Katie and Davey Bench.

As Amy looked towards the wall where the noise was coming from a head popped over the wall, it was Katie.

"Hi Amy" said Katie

"Hi Katie" Amy replied.

The pair knew each other as they had made friends the year before on her last visit to Fogan. Both Amy and Katie liked each other very much.

Katie was a good two years older than Amy, she was head strong, streetwise and worldly, she was a tall girl, quite slim although not as slim as Amy. She wore leggings, trainers and a t-shirt.

Katie asked Amy if she wanted to come and play, not how have you been for the last twelve months but this was Katie's way. Amy said she would love to but would have to tell her Uncle.

Amy went over to the hammock where Lawless was asleep, she nudged him and he quickly awoke.

Amy asked if it was alright for her to go next door to Katie's, he replied whilst half asleep "ok, but if you go anywhere else you must let me know."

"Of course I will" Amy replied.

Amy set off to Katie's leaving her Uncle closing his eyes again and drifting back off to sleep. Amy climbed over the wall into the Bench's garden and was greeted by Katie who led her to their garden swing, once sat comfortably they began to chat. They talked of many things as they had a years' worth of chat to get through.

The conversation then lead to the Tower which could be seen by them both from their vantage point in Katie's garden, they talked of how it is said to be haunted and cursed.

Katie told Amy a chilling story of how a man murdered his wife up there because he had heard that she was having an affair with another man. The worldly wise Katie had to explain to Amy what this meant.

As Amy listened to the story Katie was telling she felt a shudder run through her body and she wasn't quite so sure she wanted to visit the Tall Tower any more.

The girls decided to leave the swing and go and play and they were soon joined by Katie's brother Davey. Amy liked Davey but she never let it show. Davey was a good year older than Amy and was a real lad's lad, he was loud and boisterous. He was playing in a tree house climbing up the rope and then swinging off onto the grass.

The Bench family were out in force, Donald and Vesper, Katie and Davey's parents, were sat on their patio drinking lemonade soaking in the summer sunshine.

Donald and Vesper said hello to Amy and Amy replied back with the same pleasantries.

Katie then suggested to Amy that perhaps they should go for a walk.

Amy said she would just run over and tell her Uncle Lawless where she was going but Katie said she would ask her dad to tell him when he woke up. Amy agreed and a few minutes later they were on the pathway at the side of Katie's house.

They walked up the path which led them through a wood clearing, and then there it was, the Tower on the hill, the Tower which Amy had been forbidden to go near by her Uncle.

CHAPTER THREE

The Tower was on the top of what is known as Tower Hill, it had been christened that by the locals. The Tower was built in the 19th century by a local philanthropist called Amos Badley, he was a wealthy mill owner and had the Tower built to give work to a number of unemployed stone masons and labourers.

It was a striking building which could be seen for miles around and a lasting epitaph to a local hero who had fought with distinction in the Zulu wars in South Africa.

Amy and Katie finally reached the foot of Tower Hill, Amy looked up the hill and caught sight of the imposing Tower above, she was immediately frightened by its menacing and imposing appearance. Tower Hill was surrounded on four sides by steep banks and cliffs and the only way to the tower was via a series of steps, counting one hundred in total.

Katie turned to Amy and said "come on lets go up there."

Amy stated quite firmly "I am not going up there Katie."

"Oh come on Amy its fine there's nothing up there."

"How do you know Katie?" Amy asked pleadingly.

"Because I do!"

"But what about the ghost?" Amy exclaimed.

"There is no ghost, nothing" replied Katie.

"But Uncle Lawless says for me never to go there so I'm going back."

"Go on then" snapped Katie, "I'll go by myself, I don't want to be seen with a chicken anyway!"

"I am not a chicken" said Amy.

"You are!"

"I am not!"

"Well prove it then" said Katie, "come up there with me."

Amy was taken aback by being referred to as a chicken, she was no chicken, "ok then" she said "I'll come with you."

They made their way through the fence which had a large board stating no trespassers allowed and continued up the hill via the steps.

They got to the top and the Tower was even more scary to Amy. Katie who had climbed the hill five times before was secretly scared and quite apprehensive as previously she had only been to the Tower with her brother Davey.

They made their way to the Tower itself.

They walked around it until they got to a flight of steps at the side of the Tower.

Katie looked up at the steps but instead of expecting to the see the large solid wooden door closed as on previous visits. It was wide open. She had never experienced this before, and wondered why this was so.

Katie being a very inquisitive girl decided to investigate and so started walking up the steps.

Amy saw Katie climbing up the steps and whispered Katie "where are you going?"

"I'm going up the steps, der!"

"Why Katie?"

"Because the door is open!"

Amy looked up and saw the open doorway. At this point Amy felt quite spooked by the situation and wanted to go down the hill back to Uncle Lawless house.

But Katie kept going up the steps. She stood on the top step and peered into the darkness of the building.

At this point Amy who had turned her back on the tower to walk back down the hill thinking that Katie had come to her senses and would be right behind her, turned to find her friend stood at the top of the steps.

"Katie" she shouted "come down quick!"

But Katie paid no heed and went inside.

Amy though very frightened was not the sort of girl to abandon a friend so she went up the steps after Katie.

Katie went further into the Tower and as she walked she could see better and noticed some strands of light coming from a window.

The lights shone onto another flight of steps about ten in all and as she walked up these steps the light intensified and as she got to the top of these steps she found herself in a large room.

The light revealed a sparsely furnished room with a fireplace at one side, a large wooden Lambing chair next to the fireplace and a small table in the centre of the room with one solitary chair nestled under it, there was a plate with half-eaten bread and cheese and a tankard beside it.

Amy followed Katie into the room and stood behind her

Just then there was a loud thud like the sound of a door shutting, the girls froze on the spot and they both drew a deep frightened breath as they heard footsteps coming down the steps at the other side of the room, both were too scared to run out of the room and down the steps they had walked up. Instead they both stood transfixed staring at the steps.

As they did so a figure appeared. It was a male figure clothed in what appeared to be a long cloak, scruffy trousers and old boots. The figure had long hair and the face was thin with a chiselled jaw and a long scraggy neck. The eyes were piercing and staring straight at them. Amy and Katie thought it was the ghost. It had to be, no one could appear so pale and lifeless without being dead.

The figure moved to the lambing chair next to the fire place and sat down.

Then he spoke.

"Hello ladies!"

His voice was very strong and powerful with a hint of a strange accent.

Katie plucked up the courage to reply but she did not reply with pleasantries she replied with a question.

"Are you a ghost?"

He replied saying "do you think I am?"

"I think so sir" replied Katie!

"Well if you think I am, then I must be! But what does your friend think?" He asked pointing to Amy.

Amy was still petrified but answered "I don't know Sir but you look like one you are very pale and thin!"

"I am ain't I."

Katie asked him his name and he replied using Katie's tactics by asking what her name was.

"Katie sir" she duly offered, and then added "Katie Bench sir!"

"Nice to meet you Katie Bench and what is your friend's name?"

"Amy, Amy Pleb sir!"

"Well nice to meet you Amy Pleb. Given that you have been so kind as to introduce yourselves then I will tell you my name."

He rose from his chair and took a step forward, took a gracious bow and said "please allow me to introduce myself I am Shandles Wispianski!"

"What?" Katie and Amy replied in unison.

He laughed and replied "but my friends always had trouble using my name so they gave me a nick name which was Shambles Whiskey!"

Katie replied "that sounds better to me!"

"Yes me too" Amy joined in.

"Well now that we have been formally introduced why don't you both sit down?"

"Where, Sir?" Katie asked.

"You can sit on the chair and Amy can sit on the stool," which he pointed to in the corner of the room.

Both girls sat down and Katie said "we have never sat down with a ghost before!"

"Well I will let you into a secret girls, I am not a ghost!"

"I didn't think you were" Amy said.

"Why's that then Amy?"

"Because you seem so very nice!"

"Thank you, but I will tell you this. Ghosts can be nice too girls never forget that!"

Katie asked," if you're not a ghost then how come you live here?"

"Because I chose to."

"But it's a dark draughty old place" Amy said.

"Yes it is Amy but this is where I choose to live and this is how I like it."

Then Katie asked "how long have you been living here?"

He replied by saying "many years. Now girls no more questions I will make some tea and then you best go home!"

Shambles made some tea for them on the fire which he sweetened with wild honey.

The girls were not really used to drinking tea with honey in it but they must have been thirsty because they drank their mugs to the bottom.

After this, passing some more words and pleasantries they said farewell to Shambles but not until agreeing that they would visit again tomorrow.

The girls left the Tower closing the large door behind them as instructed by Shambles.

When Katie and Amy returned to Katie's garden it was late in the afternoon about five thirty and almost time for tea. They said goodbye to each other but both agreeing that they would meet each other tomorrow and would go back to visit Shambles.

Amy went into her Uncles garden and Uncle Lawless was no longer in the hammock, she went into the house and found him in the kitchen preparing their tea.

"Hi Amy" Lawless said "have you had a nice time?"

"Yes" she replied.

"What have you been up to?"

"Nothing really, just playing in Katie's garden."

"I had a word with Davey and he said you had gone for a walk."

"Yes we did." She said.

"Did you go anywhere special?"

Amy looked a little sheepish replying "no not really."

But Lawless knew where she had been, he could tell she was harbouring a secret and he knew she had been to the Tower, he sensed it.

Not only was Lawless a talented artist, he was gifted with a sixth sense, but being the type of person he was he did not let on, nor rebuke Amy for going to the Tower against his wishes.

CHAPTER FOUR

The rest of the week was spent with Amy getting up early in the morning to accompany her Uncle Lawless on his jaunts around the countryside painting, sketching or visiting places of interest.

But in time they would come back and Amy would visit her friend Katie and they would head off up to the Tall Tower and spend time with Shambles, they even took to taking him food and treats like roast chicken, bread and biscuits or whatever they could lay their hands on.

Shambles spoke to them about his life and how he was the son of a Polish Count but he had been forced to leave his home land in the Second World War. He spoke to them of religion, philosophy, art, literature, anything that took their interest. And by the Thursday when they were due to leave the girls and the old man realised that they were now great friends and would remain so for the rest of their lives.

But in turn Amy became aware that in two days' time she would be home and would no longer be able to see her friends every day, as she was due to go home on Saturday.

So bearing this in mind she decided to make the most of the time she had with her friends.

So on Friday she was going to spend the whole day with Katie and Shambles. Lawless was fine about this when Amy told him, although she omitted Shambles name from the conversation.

He would be working in his studio most of the day as he had a commission painting to complete and frame.

The next day Amy got up quite early and had her breakfast, her uncle was already in his studio. Amy went round to call for Katie laden with some treats for Shambles.

As soon as Katie came out of her home carrying a bag of sandwiches they were on their way up to Tower hill.

When they arrived at the steps of the hill they noticed that part of fence was missing and the No Trespassers sign had been pulled down and thrown on the ground along with the missing part of the fence.

Amy and Katie looked at each other both thinking something was wrong, despite their concerns they climbed the steps leading to the Tower, neither spoke a word they just climbed the hill which took a while because it was such a warm day.

They climbed to the top of the hill and made their way up the steps.

As they reached the top they noticed that the door was open with just a one inch gap, normally Shambles left it wide open for them.

Katie pushed the door open and as it slid backwards its hinges creaked, they both stepped inside but from within the room where Shambles normally met them they could hear raised voices, as they went up the stairs it got louder.

"Where have you hidden it" the first voice yelled in a menacing and harsh tone.

"Come on give it to us" the second voice shouted in a large and booming voice.

Katie and Amy peered into the room and could not believe their eyes, there were two men and they were holding Shambles face down over the table.

One of the men the older, taller one had Shambles right arm behind his back and the younger smaller one was repeatedly banging Shambles head on the table saying "cough up, cough up."

The girls were so taken aback by this that Katie screamed.

Amy shouted "stop it, stop it," dropping the food that she was carrying.

Both men turned round, their eyes transfixed on the girls.

"What do you want?" their gruff voices echoed.

Katie seemed to recognise the men, they lived in the town but she did not know their names.

The younger one let go of Shambles head and headed towards them both, he was so quick he grabbed Katie by her right arm before she knew what had hit her.

Shambles shouted "leave her alone it's me you want, she's just a girl."

The man made a grab for Amy but Shambles shouted "run Amy run."

Amy turned and ran back down the steps, through the door and down the other steps making her way down the hill.

She could hear the man who had grabbed Katie shouting at her.

"You tell anyone and they're both for it."

Amy didn't know what to do, she didn't want to leave her two friends with those terrible men but she also knew that the three of them were no match for those thugs. Just one name came into her head, Uncle Lawless.

The older man threw Shambles to the floor and held Katie by her wrists, he said to his associate "she'll tell the police, we've got to get going, but before we do Shambles tell me where the money is."

Shambles raised his head off the table and said "I have no money, I have nothing of any value to you, but I beg you please do not hurt Katie."

The younger one picked up Shambles from the table and pushed him into his chair, "sit down Whiskey he commanded." The older man said he would let go of Katie if she promised not to run, she promised and he let go of her wrists and told her to sit at Shambles feet.

Katie did as she was told and sat by Shambles putting her right arm on his knees as if to comfort him.

"Are you alright?" Shambles asked.

"Yes" said Katie, "I'm fine."

"Shut up" the older man shouted, followed by "hey don't I know you lass do they call you Bench?"

"Yes Katie Bench."

"I know ya dad, Don int it."

"Yes" Katie replied.

"Don't like the man," the younger one chirped in, "don't like him either."

"He's ten times better than you" Katie shouted.

Shambles put his left hand on Katie's head to calm her saying "they're only trying to upset you Katie."

"Do you know who we are girl?" The older one butted in. "I've seen you both before but no not really."

Shambles said "no doubt you will have seen them before Katie, but you will definitely have heard of their names, allow me to introduce you to Bill Crack (the older one) and Spencer Weavel."

Katie remembered her dad mentioning the two names before but not in a pleasant way.

"Yeah your dad never has a good word to say about me" Bill said as if he was reading Katie's mind.

"That's because you are all bad said Shambles."

"Shut up Shambles or I'll twist your arm again."

By now Amy had managed to get to the outskirts of Fogan, she got to her Uncles home and went straight to Lawless studio where he was at work.

"Uncle Lawless" Amy exclaimed. "What Amy I'm busy." "They've got Katie and Shambles, they're holding them in the Tower."

Lawless stopped what he was doing and turned to Amy.

"What was that Amy?"

"They've got Katie and Shambles."

"Who has?"

"Some really nasty men, one is about your age, tall and thin with a big scar on his face, and the other is younger, smaller."

Lawless knew instantly who they were, Bill Crack and Spencer Weavel, he spoke their names out loud, Lawless knew them well and their reputations. He then turned to Amy.

"I knew you'd been up to the Tower Amy, you've met Shambles then?"

"Yes" she replied "he's lovely, but there's no time to explain, we've got to get help."

"Right" said Uncle Lawless nearly knocking his painting from the easel, "you go next door and get Donald and I'll call the police."

Amy ran to get Mr Bench and Lawless rang the police. He spoke with PC Fleck, who took the details and then spoke to his superior, sergeant Strogle.

Within minutes they were in their police car along with PC Wand heading for the Tower.

Amy had found Mr Bench who was also working from home. At first he was very angry with Katie and Amy for going up to the Tower but realising that Katie was in danger forced him to concentrate on making sure his daughter was safe.

Donald knew Shambles too but he and Lawless had promised to keep his whereabouts secret.

They had managed this by keeping up the story that the place was haunted and erecting the no trespassers sign.

They quickly met up with Lawless on the road and practically ran to the Tower, on the way they could hear the sirens from the police car coming up the long lane towards the Tower.

They weren't the only ones who had heard the sirens.

Crack and Weavel began shouting at Katie, "your mate has done this hasn't she?"

"I don't know" Katie yelled back.

Weavel then snapped and was going to grab Katie when Crack turned to him and said, "come on it's time we left."

The pair did nothing more but hurry from the room down the two dimly lit flights of stairs and out through the door.

Katie turned to Shambles, "are you ok?"

"Yes Katie I'm fine, how are you?"

"Ok Shambles." Then they hugged each other both grateful to be safe and well.

Crack and Weavel were making a run for it down the steps which were the only way down because Tower Hill had steep cliffs on all sides.

Despite their efforts both men were caught by the police, infact it was PC Fleck and PC Wand who were responsible for catching them.

PC Fleck was a large man of six foot six inches with a large burly frame to match. He grabbed Bill Crack by the scruff of the neck, but Crack tried to break free from his grasp. PC Fleck was a very strong man and he had the stronger hold of him.

PC Wand tripped Weavel up with her size seven Police issue boots and Sargeant Strogle picked him up from the ground after hand cuffing him. The same fate being given to Crack by PC Fleck.

Sargeant Strogle said "right lads it's the slammer for you, and he told both men they would be going away for a long time, as they were already on parole.

Amy, Lawless and Donald had caught up with the police and Lawless turned to the men and said "why did you do this?"

Crack replied "we wanted his money."

Donald butted in, "but he doesn't have any money, he's penniless, that's why he lives here."

Weavel said "we thought there was treasure here."

"Treasure?" said Sargeant Strogle "there's no treasures or riches here." And with that the two were led off by the police.

Amy, Lawless and Donald quickly went up into the tower to find Katie and Shambles.

When they found them the pair were still sat close together comforting each other.

As soon as Katie saw her dad she jumped up and hugged him.

He hugged her back for what seemed like an eternity but then he pushed her away saying "don't you ever frighten the life out of me like that again girl," but then he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her head.

Lawless asked them if either of them had been harmed.

Shambles replied, "no not really we're both ok aren't we Katie?"

Katie turned from hugging her dad and nodded.

Lawless said to the girls that they had done wrong by coming to the Tower without permission and wrong to do it in secret, but said that they had both acted bravely when it had come to it.

Amy asked "will you tell mum and dad Uncle Lawless?"

He shrugged and said "no but I want to, just think Amy how would I have explained this to your parents if you had been seriously hurt or worse?"

"Sorry Uncle Lawless."

"Anyway Lawless" said Shambles as he approached, "they have been a tonic for me over these last few days, it has been lovely to have company."

Amy looked at her Uncle, "do you know Shambles?"

Lawless replied "I have known him for years but not for as long as you have Don?"

"You know him too dad?" Katie asked.

"Yes Katie I have known him since I was about your age, he's my best friend."

"Oh dad I never knew" gasped Katie, "you kept that a secret."

"Yes love I did because all Shambles wants is to be left alone, isn't that right Shambles?"

"Yes Donald my boy that's what I've always wanted."

"Why?" Asked Amy.

Lawless put his hand on Amy's shoulder and told her he would explain later, "right now I think we should leave Shambles on his own."

"Good idea" chirped in Donald, "that alright with you Shambles?"

"Yes for now I would like to be left alone, Lawless when will my portrait be finished?"

"I will bring it to you tomorrow."

"Good" replied Shambles and with that they all left leaving Shambles behind as they made their way back to Fogan.

That evening Lawless told Amy the reason why Shambles lived in the tower.

He told her that many years ago Shambles was a very successful businessman and was very rich. He had a wife and two daughters about Katie and Amy's age.

But one day two armed men broke into his house to steal money from him.

Shambles refused to give them anything and he tried to grab the gun from one of the men.

A struggle took place and Shambles was shot in the chest.

The two men then turned on his wife and two daughters who were all killed.

Shambles physically recovered after spending many weeks in hospital but never recovered from the loss of his family.

His Business suffered, he became bankrupt and turned to drink. He ended up living on the streets and eventually ended up living in Fogan in the Tall Tower.

Amy thought this was the saddest story she had ever heard and just wanted to give Shambles a hug.

The next morning just before her parents were due to collect her, Amy and Lawless made the climb up the hill to see Shambles.

Lawless carried a package with him it was about three feet long and two feet wide, Amy asked if it was the portrait Shambles had asked about.

"Yes it is."

"Ooh can I see it?"

"No" replied her uncle "you will have to wait and see."

A few minutes later they were standing in Shambles room in the Tower.

After greeting each other with pleasantries Lawless took the portrait and gave it to Shambles.

Shambles put the portrait on the side board against the wall near where he usually sat. Lawless pulled back the cover to reveal what was a spectacular portrait of Shambles.

Amy gasped in awe.

Shambles looked at it carefully and then turned to Lawless, "yes, yes, I like it."

Shambles thanked Lawless and tried to explain that he couldn't pay him.

"I don't want anything from you Shambles our friendship is enough."

But Shambles although a hermit was a man of pride, he reached into the pocket of his tatty waistcoat and brought out a silver locket with a matching chain and handed it to Lawless saying "this is the only thing of value that I have and I would like you to have it."

Lawless looked at the locket knowing that it was solid silver and very valuable as it was a family heirloom, but graciously declined the gift.

Just as a friendly argument was about to begin over who should keep the locket they could hear what sounded to be people coming up the steps.

Amy got the biggest surprise of her life when her mum and dad walked into the room.

Amy ran to hug them not quite believing what was happening.

Shambles face lit up too as he recognised Arthur and Calamity.

He had known them a long time, especially Arthur who he had known since he was a little boy.

Amy looked to her mother and asked "do you know about Shambles too?"

Her mum smiled down at her and said "yes we all know about Shambles and this place."

Amy looked across the room and smiled at Shambles, she now felt very grown up as she knew she also had to keep this secret.

The End.

AMY PLEB AND HER WEEK OF DISASTERS.

I am Amy Pleb and this is my week of Disasters written by my own hand. These may not seem like disasters to grownups but to a 10 year old girl, they are major.
CHAPTER ONE

Amy Pleb Model Student

It is a Monday evening and I am sat at my desk in my bedroom. I am quite upset, infact I am distraught. I am sat looking at the result of the test I had done, before half term. It was a C-. I had never had a C- before in my whole life.

Today had been the first day back after half term and I swear it had been the worst day, I had at school ever. I had been given my grade by my class teacher Miss Cheeseburough. But I noticed frostiness in her tone when she spoke to me.

"Amy Pleb here's your mark."

But when it came to the others in the class, she seemed less frosty faced.

I felt sick too, because I had to listen to Miss Cheeseburough bang on and on about how Dolly Wilhorn had got every question right on her paper.

"Oh well done Dolly. That was great Dolly."

"You're just Wonderful Dolly. You can cut down mountains and drink rivers."

Miss Cheeseburough did not actually say that last part but I put that in because I was so fed up.

I was upset too because I had been sat with a new boy called Alfie Woodbeaver. He had taken the place of Radley Banks who is my best friend. Radley was not in school today, because he was poorly.

Having to sit next to Alfie all day was to say the least a bit smelly. He had broken wind about 20 times in an hour.

And his poops were just awful. And they didn't go away, even if tried to stiff them away. I even thought at one point that his poops were worse than my dad's. But then I came to my senses and realised that my dad's poops were so lethal that if he had been in school and broken wind, then he would have not only cleared the classroom but the entire school.

I have also fallen fowl of Mrs Fretwell, the schools head Teacher. She is a right bossy britches at the best of times.

"You're late for this."

"Too soon for that."

"Don't run, walk."

"Don't stand there"

I was caught talking in class when Mrs Fretwell came to talk Miss Cheesy face. But I was giving Alfie quite a telling off at the time, for breaking wind for the umpteenth time.

I was told off again for spilling gravy over Benny Pope's trousers at lunch time. I did not do this deliberately. I had been passing the gravy jug to another girl Emma White and it slipped from my hand. Some of it went right on to Benny's brand new school trousers. But in a way I was glad that I had done it, because I don't like him that much because he smells of BO, which puts me off my food.

I realise now that there is no chance what so ever of my being nominated to sit at Mrs Fretwell's table on Friday, in the fine diner's club.

I can also kiss goodbye to any chance of becoming pupil of the week on today's performance alone. I think it's out of the question to believe that the next three days would give me any chance to improve my position. Infact I think that this whole term may well turn out to be a dead loss, in my receiving any praise or awards from anybody.

My chances of becoming teacher's pet again seem very slim. I have not been able to string one sentence together today without getting my tongue knotted.

My mental maths test had been marked lower than dolphin poo. And there is more chance of me growing wings and flying off into heaven, than me becoming a model student. But at least my mum and dad love me.

CHAPTER TWO

Amy Pleb and the Big fall out.

The next day being Tuesday was not much better, because I had a bust up with my best friend Molly Moat. Normally Molly and me were the bestest of friends, or as thick as thieves as my dad called us.

But Molly appears to have taken a shine to Radley, and she has been trying to get him to go out with her.

This makes me very angry because Radley seems to be taking a shine to her too. Which quite frankly has gone down as well having to eat three tons of Rhubarb? And I hate rhubarb. Infact I hate Rhubarb almost as much as Alfie Woodbeaver's poops.

I was absolutely beside myself when at Lunch time Molly went up to Radley and just asked him out, as neat as you please. And I felt even worse when Radley appeared to be bowled over by the proposal too.

But just then I saw Radley give me a sideward glance and he saw me giving them both the evil eye and then said that he would think about it and went off to play with his mates.

I thought no more about it but went over to Molly and gave her a good telling off.

"What do you think you're doing Molly?"

"I was only talking to him."

"Only talking to him? You nearly had him pinned to the wall. You couldn't have got a birthday card between you both!"

"Get lost I wasn't!"

"Yes you were!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"I don't even like him he's horrible!"

"He is not horrible he's lovely!"

Just then I heard someone crack out laughing. I turned round and there stood Ellie Reardon.

"Amy likes Radley. Amy likes Radley!"

She kept saying it over and over.

Then some other girls started to say the same thing. I could have died. I was so embarrassed. I could have slid down one of the school drains.

Just then Molly did something I did not expect, especially after how I had treated her.

She went straight up to Ellie and the other girls and pushed Ellie to the ground. No one saw her as we were stood around the back of the sports equipment shed. There were no teachers in sight. Molly was no weed and when she pushed Ellie she went flying.

Ellie got up from the ground and came back at Molly with her fists flying but Molly stood her ground and Ellie went down again. This time Ellie got up but did not go back for more, instead she stormed off with the other girls hurrying after her. The back of her school shirt was covered in splashes of mud and grass stains.

I looked at Molly in a daze. I felt so sorry that I had said those things to her and all the time she still stood up for me, when Ellie started having a go at me.

"I'm sorry Molly, I shouldn't have said those things to you."

Molly just turned to me and said "I'm sorry too Amy, I'm sorry that I was so nasty to you and I don't fancy Radley!"

"Really?"

"Really, I like Danny Cook"

"Danny Cook?" I asked.

"Well if you like Danny Cook so much then why were you throwing ya self at Radley, when Danny was stood next to him?"

"Dur why do yeah think?"

"I don't know why?" I said but then felt very stupid.

"I know because you were trying to make him jealous!"

"Finally Amy you've got it. Honestly sometimes Amy you are really dumb!"

"Sorry Molly I had no idea you never said you liked him!"

"Who yeah I do but he's not been showing me any interest at all, so this is why I was chatting up Radley."

Not much happened after that, me and Molly made up and become best buddies again and the lunch time ended and within a few minutes we were back in class for maths. Boring, boring, boring.

CHAPTER THREE

Amy Pleb Model Daughter.

I am in the bad books again. My Dad's declared my bedroom a no go area again. My mums not best pleased either. She has threatened to throw everything that's out of place, in the bin.

My Dad came into my room yesterday morning, to wake me up. But I was already awake and just pretended to be asleep.

I could hear him bumping into things, like toys and games left on the floor by yours truly. I counted at least five swear words, whispered under his breath.

"Oh Amy it's like a flipping obstacle course in here."

When he got to my bed, he attempted to wake me up but I again pretended to be asleep. But he soon realised that I was awake and touched me under the chin.

"I knew that you were awake!"

"Sorry Dad I thought it was funny!"

"You're talking about funny Amy.

There's nothing funny about trying to walk in this bedroom, well you can't walk you're too busy tripping up and falling over stuff, it's not a bedroom it's a bomb sight I've seen tidier rubbish dumps!"

"Sorry Dad!" I said expecting what was coming next.

"Not as sorry as I am Amy!"

He always says that when I say Sorry. But he never says this when he is really angry or upset. Today I know from his voice that he is only joking. But I know too that he is not that happy with the state of the room.

And then he says seriously "Amy you will have to clean this place up or if not it definitely is a no go area."

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. I can walk around my room fine. I know exactly where to put my feet without falling fowl of any obstacles. I can't help it if my dad can't walk without falling over.

Eventually I will have to give into all the endless,

"Amy tidy your room up love."

"Amy isn't it time you tidied up?"

"Amy don't you think it's time you had a clear out?"

"Amy we will tidy your room up on Sunday and your grounded until we do."

"It's ok Mum I'll do it."

My dad always says that I could make De Moresby Manor look untidy. Because my untidiness isn't just limited to my bedroom. The lounge can be a no fly zone, when I have been in it, or the dining room, or infact any room that I have been in for any length of time.

My dad says that I can only be in there for a couple of minutes and whoosh world war three.

He and mum are constantly complaining about the mess I leave in the bathroom.

I don't think that I leave a mess in there, but they do.

"Amy do you have to leave all the bath salts and bath foams on the side of the bath?"

"Do you have to make bath bombs?"

"Do you have to use all the soaps and make it into a paste and make a sort of soap cake out of it and leave it in the water jug?"

"Do you have to get six large juice bottles and fill them up and empty them every time you have a bath?"

"Why is it Amy, that it takes us almost an hour of nagging, begging and pleading with you to get into the bath and another hour of nagging, begging and pleading to get you out?"

"Why when you've been in the bath do your fingers look like prunes?"

"Why when you spend all that time in the bath, do you spend more time messing about, than actually washing yourself?"

"And Why Amy do you spend the best part of an hour in the bath (this is my mum talking), and spend two minutes washing your hair?"

"And why is it Amy when you have been on a sleep over that your tooth brush never comes out of the bag?"

"And on one occasion we noticed that you had not brushed your teeth for 4 days?"

"And how is it Amy that whenever you do brush your teeth, you are always dressed and nearly always spill toothpaste on your school blouse or on your tops before you go out, so the world and his cat can see the white marks of toothpaste a mile off?"

I guess I have to face up to it; I am like what my dad calls me an Alice Muckack.

I think too that I have to face up to the fact that, I am Amy Pleb Model daughter, not.

Here is a quick note from Mr and Mrs Pleb.

But despite all our protests of untidiness, not washing or not cleaning your teeth.

Amy you're still our only child and you are a model daughter.

You're good and Kind.

You are thoughtful and you always think of others before yourself.

And to us you will always be the best daughter any parents could ever have.

But you still have to tidy your room on Sunday or else.

Signed Calamity and Arthur Pleb.

CHAPTER FOUR

Amy Pleb and the Bad Hair Morning.

Just picture its 8.15 am in the morning and I've been up for about 15 minutes. I am in my bedroom and getting ready for school. My mum has just called me to go down for my breakfast.

But I am in no mood for breakfast and did not go when I was called. I am sat at my dressing table looking at myself in the mirror and I am in tears as result. I noticed that there is a tuft of hair, stuck up on the top of my head. I had done everything to try to get it to lay flat. But it would not. I tried everything I could think of to get it to perform but it was having none of it.

I had brushed it, combed it, patted it, cajoled it, even sang to it but it was having none of it.

Please lay flat tuft.

Please lay flat.

Please lay flat.

Or I'll wear a hat.

I had wet my hair with a damp comb but it would not lay flat.

If my Grandad Pleb was here he would have said.

"Well girly it's stood up like a chapel hat peg."

"Amy" my mum shouted again from the bottom of the stairs.

"Amy Breakfast"

I shouted back down

"I can't come down"

"Why not?"

"Because I can't!"

My mum then came up stairs and found me crying at the mirror.

"Look Mum!"

"Oh." Said my mum.

"I can't go to school like this!"

My mum said nothing but just came over to where I was sat and took two hair clips from a drawer and fastened them to the said tuft. The tuft was now lying flat and my hair looked great. No more problem.

"Right Amy, are you ready for breakfast?"

"Yes mum."

"Come on then or we'll be late for school."

CHAPTER FIVE

Amy Pleb and the Big Zit.

It is Thursday morning and I am up again at 8.15. I am in my bedroom getting ready for school. I look in the mirror again. But as I take a look, a large spot has appeared on my face overnight. It's not at the side or somewhere that can be hidden by my hair or by a collar, but right in the centre of my forehead.

I take a long sorry look at it and think that's huge!

My mum again shouts to me from down stairs. "Amy Breakfast."

But I don't reply. I just run down stairs.

"Look at this mum!"

My mum just looked at me. "Look at what love?"

"This on my forehead!"

"Oh." Mum replied.

"Yes Oh."

"I can't go to school like this mum I look like a right dork!"

"You don't look like a dork everyone gets a spot every now and then."

"I know mum but why does it have to be right in the middle of my forehead? Where everyone at school can see it?"

"Why can't it be somewhere, where no one can see it?"

"That's life Amy."

"I just can't go to school mum, everyone will just laugh their heads off. Alfie Woodbeaver will laugh that much, he'll wet himself.

Mini Mead will be calling me zity face all day long and no one will play with me at break day time. I'm doomed!"

"Right come on lets go back upstairs Amy let's see what I can do to cover it up."

I went back upstairs with mum.

She sat me down at the dressing table and started to brush my hair. She pulled my hair forward into a type of fringe.

I had not had a fringe for a couple years now and I preferred to part my hair, to expose my forehead. But all mum did was brush it so it would cover the offending spot.

"There Amy that's fine!"

"Wow mum that's just great!"

"Right Amy lets have some breakfast."

"Ok mum!"
CHAPTER SIX

Amy Pleb and all the Interruptions

Its tea time and I am at home. I have just had my tea after being at school all day. I am sat on the settee in the lounge. And I am trying to read my book which I am reading as part of my homework. But I am frustrated, you know how it is.

You settle down for a good read and what happens. Nothing but interruption after interruption.

First my mum comes in.

Asking me "have you got your PE Kit ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes Mum!"

"Where is it?"

"It's on the chair in the hall way!"

"Ok Love!"

Then dad comes home.

"Hi Amy how ya doing. Ok?"

"Ok Dad!"

"Had a good day at School?"

"Yes!"

"Have you done your homework?"

"I am doing it dad I have to read this book!"

"Ok I'll leave ya to it."

My dad then turns to leave the room but not before and to my complete revolt kisses me on the forehead and squeezes my cheeks. I pull away from him.

"Sorry Amy. Am I annoying you?"

"Yes a bit dad I have been trying to read this same paragraph for the past five minutes!"

"Well excuse me!" My dad said jokingly.

"I'll get off the face of the earth!"

"I wish you would dad!"

"Don't ya love me Amy?" My dad said going all coy.

"Am I chopped liver?"

"Yes Dad!"

"Ok if I'm not wanted?"

"You're wanted dad I just don't want you right now!"

My dad took the hint and went to see my mum in the kitchen.

Just then there was a knock on the door and my dad went to answer it.

My dad opened the door and he shouted Amy it's for you.

"Who is it?"

"It's Steffi!"

Steffi is the girl from across the lane and is three years younger than me. She's a right pain at times and I could not be bothered with her now. She also ruins my street cred with kids my age.

"Come and talk to her!" Dad shouted.

I put my book down and the appropriate page and went to the front door.

"Hi Amy are you coming out to play?"

"No I've got my home work to do!"

"Ok!"

Steffi turned and went away and I shut the door behind her.

My dad was stood behind me saying "That wasn't very nice Amy!"

"I don't like her any more she's a right pain.

I'll see her later and make it up to her then! Besides I need to read this book by tonight."

"Ok darling!"

I went back into the lounge and my dad went to meet mum.

I sat back in the lounge picking up my book waiting for the next interruption.

Just as I started to read after finding my place Tilly comes in and jumps up on the book, which is on my lap.

"Oh no Tilly go away. I am trying to read!" And I pushed her off my knee and she landed on all fours on the floor, shaking her head.

But she did nothing more but jump back up again. And I pushed her off again.

This happened three times but after the third time I was having none of it. I grabbed Tilly from the floor picked her up into my arms and placed her on the floor in the hall way closing the door quickly, before she could come back into the room.

I returned to the settee and began to read again.

Just then I heard the phone ringing in the hall way. It rang out for a while until I heard it stop. Whoever was ringing had rung off or someone has answered it.

I then hear the door open and it is my dad.

"Amy Katie is on the phone. She wants to know if you would like to sleep over on Saturday.

But I know you are busy shall I tell her that you will call her back?"

"No Dad I'll speak to her!"

I got up off the sofa and went to speak to Katie.

"Hi Katie." I spoke to her for half an hour.

After I had spoken to Katie and made all the arrangements for the sleep over I went into the kitchen. I hear my dad talking to my mum. I knew he knew that I was there.

"What do think love? She did not want to speak to me earlier, Oh I'm sick of being interrupted. But as soon as Katie calls then guess who gets dumped?"

My mum then turned to my dad.

"Arthur its official your chopped Liver!"

CHAPTER SEVEN

Amy Pleb and the Flatulent Ferret.

It was Friday afternoon and my week of disasters was coming to an end. My dad had a visit from an old mate of his, called Albert Beaumont. I am including this in my week of disasters because according to my Mum a visit from him nearly always ends in disaster.

It was about four O'clock and I was in the garden playing, my dad was gardening and my mum was sat at the patio table playing on her lap top.

All of a sudden we all heard a loud noise from an over revving engine, followed by a very loud bang. My dad looked up from his hoeing and said "Oh no its Albert!"

"Who's Albert?" I asked.

"My mate!"

"And we use the term very loosely!" My mum piped up.

"Why's that mum?"

"The last time he came here was at your Dads fortieth birthday party. He caused chaos.

He got so drunk that he insulted practically every female in the place. He threw beer on my best friend Emma and her boyfriend Jack stepped in to talk to him man to man but instead he head butted him and broke his nose. Your dad then threw him out but not before he set fire to the carpet we bought from Egypt, I loved that Carpet. It was ruined and we had to throw it out too!"

"Ah well love it's all in the past now hey?"

"No Arthur it's not, you don't invite him in. You find out what he wants and then get him to go or take him to the pub or something!"

"What if I invite him round here to the garden and you go inside?"

"Ok but don't let him stay too long, once he gets his foot in the door he'll never leave!"

My mum then picked up her computer and went inside.

"What made that noise dad?"

"It was Albert's old 4X4. It's ancient. It's been round the clock about three times!"

"Come on we'll go and see what he wants!"

I followed my dad round to the front of the house.

When we got there I could see the rustiest, dirty and battered car I had ever seen in my life.

We walked on the drive and as we did a figure got out of the driver's side. He was as dirty and battered as the truck.

He wore a tatty old flat cap, a scruffy old waxed jacket and by the looks of it, it was bought on the same day my Granddad was born.

HA HA. It was tied together with bailing band. He wore some dirty brown corduroy trousers which had seen better days 20 years ago. And on his feet were two muddy old boots.

My Dad walked up to Albert and they shook hands.

"Hi Albert!"

"How Do!"

"Long time no see Albert!"

"What brings ya here?"

"Have brought ya summat!"

"What?" My dad asked.

Albert said nothing but walked round to the back of the car, opening the back door, which was tied with more bailing band. He flung open the door but it creaked very loudly on its rusty broken hinges.

Albert picked up two rabbits with his grufted right hand and passed them to my dad.

"Here ya are lad put them in the pot, when thas skinned em a course!"

My dad took the creatures from Albert which were hanging from a peace of rope by their hind legs.

Looking at Albert more closely made me realise that the last time he had a wash was about the same time as his car. His hair was long and matted and came out of his cap and down to his shoulders. His cheeks were pot marked and had a good growth of whiskers on his chin. He had a scar to the right side of his face which ran down from his right eye all the way down to the bottom of his face, and hair did not grow at all on this part of his face.

He was a scary looking man to me. But my dad seemed to like him and for my dad to like him, he must be ok.

"They look good Albert!" My dad was referring to the rabbits.

"Yeah me and Esmeralda bagged em this morning up near Steal's Stones!"

I looked at the dog which was in the back of the car.

"Is that Esmeralda?"

"No lass that's Queenie!"

Queenie was a scruffy looking thing with a shaggy black coat.

She barked when her name was mentioned.

"Well if that's Queenie who is Esmeralda?"

Albert said nothing again but just reached into the back of the 4x4 and picked up a black holdall. But as he lifted it out, I noticed that the bag was moving.

"What's in the bag?" I asked.

"By eck lass, yeah ask some questions!"

Albert placed the bag on the drive. He opened the bag which was tied with string and out popped the head of a creature, which I had never seen before.

And I was startled. It had a black head and its body was fawn coloured.

But it was darker coloured on its back and lighter on its underside. Its coat looked very silky and soft.

"What is it?" I asked.

My dad chipped in saying "it's a ferret!"

"Not just a ferret lad, it's Esmeralda!"

"She's the best working ferret I have ever had!"

"Working ferret?"

"He means that he uses her to go down holes to flush out rabbits so he can shoot them!"

"Ya right there Arthur!"

"Eh she were great today I put her darn a hole and she flew darn and two minutes later them two popped art!"

"Bang they were dead!"

"You killed them?"

"Aye lass a shot em!"

"With a gun?"

"Aye with a gun but with no ordinary gun!"

Albert took the ferret in his left hand and with his right hand, opened a larger holdall. He pulled out a large gun.

A shot gun I think they call it.

"Look at that lass, that's a good bit a shot gun!"

See I was right they do call it a shot gun.

"This is Bessie!"

"You gave your gun a name?"

"Yeah all mi guns have had names!"

"Yeah want a look see Arthur?"

Albert passed the gun to my Dad.

He took the gun in both hands, he handled it like an expert.

The gun was broken for safety but he quickly snapped it shut. He lifted it up and placed it firmly to his right shoulder, pointing it into the air. He put the sight to his right eye taking aim as if he was trying to shoot an imaginary bird in the sky.

After a minute he lowered it from his shoulder and snapped it again, giving it back to Albert.

"That's a fine peace Albert. How long have yeah had it? It's a Waverley isn't it?"

"Yeah it is. Have had it ever since mi mam died, it were her gun, she used to clay pigeon shoot wi it!"

"She competed wi it like, won Trophies and a couple a Rosettes for county!"

"Your Mum used to shoot?"

"Yeah lass she were flaming good, better than me, but not as good as Arthur Pleb!"

"My dad's called Arthur Pleb too!"

"Aye lass it's himself am referring to!"

"Did you used to shoot dad?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah he says, ya dad god bless him were a champion. He could shoot a bird's eye out at a hundred feet!"

"Don't be daft Al, it's a bit of an exaggeration!"

"Am not exaggerating, ya know ya were!"

"He shot for County like mi mam Amy!"

I turned to him in surprise.

"How do you know my name?"

I asked this because I had never seen him before and he knew my name.

"How because am the God fatha Lass I held thi in mi arms when tha were a baby!"

"Did you?"

"Yeah Amy ha did!"

"This is ya Uncle Albert Amy!"

"Is it?"

My dad used to tell me about his friend called Albert and what they used to get up to.

"I never knew that you used to shoot dad you never told me!"

"I had no real need to Amy it was a long time ago I was in my twenties then!"

"Aye young free and single hey Arthur? Arthur lock up your daughters Pleb!"

Just then I noticed my Dad give Albert a disapproving look.

"As I say it was a long time ago."

I wanted to ask my dad about his younger days but this was not the right time or place. I will ask again another time and I know he will tell me.

Albert put Bessie back in hold hall. He was still holding Esmeralda in his left hand.

"What Du yeah reckon to Esmeralda then Amy?"

"She looks very soft."

"Du ya want to stroke her and find out for ya self?"

Albert held Esmeralda with both hands and moved her towards me to stroke her.

"I'm not so sure about this!"

"It'll be ok Amy just stroke her gently on her head and down her back." My dad said encouragingly. "But no sudden moves!"

"Just slowly and gently!"

"OK Dad!"

I raised my right hand to stroke her. Doing just what my Dad had said.

As I stroked her she flinched a little. But she soon got used to my stroking her.

Albert held her firmly but gently I could tell he was used to handling creatures. I cannot really describe how she felt when I was stroking her. Her fur felt coarse on her back but softer on her head.

"Hello Esmeralda." I said to her in a soft voice, almost a whisper.

She was very responsive to my touching her. But as I was petting her, I heard a hissing noise like someone opening a bottle.

This was followed by the most horrible smell. Like bad eggs.

"Pooh what's that?"

"It's alright lass shi's just dropped one!"

"She has too!" My dad said loudly.

Then came another escape of air followed closely by another bad smell.

It was then that I pulled my hand away from stroking her, because for some reason I thought my stroking her may be causing her to break wind.

"Is she normally like this, when someone strokes her?"

"Aye lass she can get a bit flatulent on occasion!"

Just then Esmeralda gave out another poop but this time there was no hissing like air from a bottle or a deflating balloon.

But a mega trump. Followed by an almighty stink. Like rotting cabbage.

"Ha don't know what's up wi er today. Shi can bi windy at best a times, but normally they don't smell this bad!"

"Ha wonder if shi picked owt up when shi were down hole this morning? Ha think had best put a back in her bag. "Shi likes it in there!"

"Might be a good idea Albert!" My dad said.

"Yes!" I said.

Albert put her back in her bag, and slung it over his shoulder.

"Thad better come art and stretch thi legs Queenie!"

Queenie barked loudly with excitement, shaking her body.

But wasted no time in obeying her master's voice and jumped from the car and ran to the right side of Albert, as if she had been trained to do so.

"Arthur aren't yeah gonna offer mi a drink? Am parched lad!"

"Come round the back, we can sit outside its still nice!"

We walked around the house again. But this time with Albert, Esmeralda, in her bag and a very fussy and excited Queenie following behind. She was so excited that she kept jumping up at me and almost knocked me over twice.

Albert kept telling her off.

"Queenie bi still lass!"

My dad offered for Albert to take a seat at the patio table, which he did.

"I'll go put the kettle on Albert. Do yeah fancy a cup a tea?"

"Tea lad ant tha got awt stronger?"

"Fancy a beer then?"

"Nar tha talking!"

My dad said nothing more but went in the house to fetch him a beer.

Albert took the bag from his shoulder with Esmeralda in it and lay it down on the table. I could see her move and riddle around. Occasionally there would be a hissing sound coming from the bag followed by a bad smell.

I stayed outside with Albert while my dad got the drinks. We talked about how nice the garden was. The weather, life in general, smelly pets.

Just then my dad came out of the house with a tray. On it was glass of beer for Albert and two glasses of orange juice, one for me and one for himself. He took a seat at the table next to me.

"Hav just been telling Amy Arthur that yuv got a nice garden.

Very grand indeed!"

"Yeah I keep working at it!"

"I meant to ask ya earlier Albert but why have you turned up after all this time I haven't seen you for five years. The last time you came was at my fortieth birthday party!"

"Are well fo a long time ha thought ha wouldn't be welcome judging bi what happened that neet!"

"Yeah things did get a bit out of hand Albert!"

"Tha mean Ha did. Ha were only havin a bit a fun!"

"A bit a fun? Ya tried to cop off with every women in the place. If they were attached or not!"

"Then ya head butted Calamity's best mate's boyfriend!"

"Sorry Mate!"

"Sorry mate doesn't quite cut it. Calamity can't stand ya.

"Is there anybody who actually likes ya apart from me?"

Albert just shook his head. "No Kid ha can't say there is!"

With this I began to feel a little bit sorry for Albert and how hardly no one likes him.

I could tell he was lonely. Or at least I thought so. Only having Queenie and Esmeralda for company.

Albert picked up his glass of beer and drank it down to the bottom of the glass in seconds flat. I had never seen a drink disappear quicker than that before. It was as if he was throwing it down a drain.

"By Arth that were grand. Any danger of another?"

"Amy would ya go and get Albert another can of beer?"

"OK dad." I left taking myself into the house.

My mum was sat at the kitchen table and she had been listening to what my Dad was saying to Albert.

She whispered to me. "When is he going to go Amy?"

I whispered back to her. "I'm not sure mum! He's just asked for another can of beer my dad asked me to come and get one for him."

"Your dad is not drinking beer is he?"

"No Mum he's drinking orange juice like me!"

"That's ok then!"

"Why don't you like Albert Mum?"

"It's a long story Amy, I'll tell you later, but for now you better get a can and take it to Albert. Tell your dad that we are going out tonight and he needs to get ready, so then ya dad will take the hint that he needs to ask him to go!"

"But we're not going are we mum?"

"No Amy we're not but Albert doesn't know that!"

My mum and Dad always taught me to tell the truth and be truthful but I realised that Mum and Dad would tell lies if it meant that they would hurt some ones feelings, if the truth was told.

And if my Dad told Albert to just get lost then this would hurt his feelings, despite everything Albert was dad's best and oldest friend.

And he had come today to make peace with Dad and brought him the rabbits.

I went to the fridge to get some beer and went out to the patio. Where my dad and Albert by now were having a good laugh about something that happened to them before my Mum and Dad were married. By now my dad was sat with his feet up on the other chair and seemed very happy talking to his old pal.

"Thanks Amy for getting the beer for Albert!"

I gave the can to Albert.

"Thanks Amy thara life saver!"

"You're welcome!"

Albert pulled the ring off the can and poured the beer into his glass. He poured it very skill fully, never spilling a drop.

He made a nice creamy head on the top. He placed the can on the table and took another large gulp from the glass. But this time he did not pour it straight down his neck but savoured it.

"Dad my mum said that we're going to have to get ready soon because we're going out remember?"

My dad looked very vacant as if to say we're not going out tonight. But then realised it was a rouse to get Albert to go.

My dad cleared his throat with a hur hum and said "Oh yeah Amy yeah right we are going out tonight. And we will have to be getting ready soon!"

"Ok mate hal finish this and hal be on mi way!"

"Ya going anywhere nice?"

"We're off to the pictures."

"Oh what ya off to see?"

I could tell my Dad was a bit lost for words.

So I piped up and said. "Bob Fielding's Last Stand."

"Oh yeah Bob Fielding's Last Stand!"

"Wats it a bart?"

My dad said "Not sure." You could tell he had not heard of it but was playing along. It was a real film and I wasn't making it up. It had just been released. Anyway even if it wasn't real Albert was convinced.

"By eck it sounds a right barrel a laughs. Am glad am not going to see it!"

Moments later Albert drained his glass and got up from the chair. My dad and me walked around the side of the house to the drive, where Albert's mucky car stood.

Albert gestured for Queenie to jump in the back of the car and he placed the bag with Esmeralda in it. But before he did place the bag in the car he opened it and her head popped up again.

"Bye Esmeralda, nice to meet you!" And I patted her on the head. This was followed by a Hiss of air escaping, followed again by another foul smell, like sower milk.

"I'll put her back in now and ha think wi best bi off. Nice meeting thi again Amy!"

"Nice meeting you, and Esmeralda and Queenie. Buy Queenie!"

She barked when she heard her name and began to wag her tail.

"Sit darn fussy britches!" Albert said.

Albert closed the back door and made his way to the driver's seat. He sat in the front seat closed the door and started the engine. He said bye to me again and my dad through the open window.

My dad said "Don't leave it as long next time!"

"Ha won't. Tha knows where I am too!"

"Ya ha do!"

He put the car in gear, pulling off the drive turning into Cogan.

"Dad?"

"Yes Amy."

"He wasn't wearing his seat belt!"

"No love he wasn't was he?"

"It's against the law isn't it dad?"

"Yes it is Amy. But that's Albert for ya!"

"That Ferret doesn't half pong Dad!"

"I know love, so does the dog and so does Albert!"

CHAPTER EIGHT

Amy Pleb and the Lost Kitten.

It was nearly one month off my birthday and for weeks and weeks I had been dropping hints to my mum and dad as to what presents I wanted. I had been looking in magazines and catalogues and making lists as to what I wanted, especially when they were around.

I had also mentioned for the hundredth time that I wanted another pet. Particularly another Cat, that is a Kitten. I wanted another Kitten to be a companion for Tilly. Tilly was over three years old now and fully grown, and I felt that she would enjoy life more if she had a feline friend she could relate to.

Every time I would start talking about having another pet, my parents would pretend not to listen or ignore me. Or do what my dad called Cock a deafen. And if they did not ignore me, they would just say "Amy you have enough pets, that is you have Tilly, Fluffy and Stuffy the two guinea pigs and the gold fish Simon and Karl.

Often my dad would ask me are you going to look after a kitten if you get one. Yes I would always reply. But my dad would always ask the question, "who cleans out the guinea pigs Amy?"

"I do dad!"

"When was the last time you cleaned out the guinea pigs Amy?"

I could not answer because I never did clean them out. It was always left to my mum or dad. More often than not my Dad.

But my Mum would be the one who would clean out the fish tank. Though often I do help with this.

So this leads me to the conclusion that I will not be getting another pet for my Birthday. But I still live in hope.

Arthur Pleb picks up the story from here.

Any way Amy did get a Kitten, it was one week before her Birthday, It was on the Friday the last day of the summer holiday, when she would return to school on the following Monday.

Calamity had gone to fetch the Kitten, which she had seen a week earlier. But she could not pick it up until today because it still needed to be with its mum and was still being litter trained.

I had been instructed by Calamity to keep Amy in the back Garden. I was in the Garden mowing the lawn. Amy was playing around in the garden. Calamity drove the 10 miles to Cogan to collect the little brat. Sorry Kitten. I have spent most of my time trying to convince Amy that I did not want another pet particularly a cat, because I tell her that I hate them. But I love them really they're my favourite animal apart from a Stead. (That's a name for a Horse around here).

Anyway about half an hour later Calamity came back from her secret mission to collect the Kitten. She pulled into the drive, before getting out she rang me on my Mobile.

"Hi love I'm on the drive, where's Amy?"

"She's in the garden." I whispered. "She's under the apple tree playing!"

"I'm going to bring him in now I will bring him into the kitchen and put him on the kitchen table. Then you bring her in and her give her a big surprise!"

"Ok love will do."

Calamity Pleb picks up the story from here.

I put the phone down on Arthur and grabbed the kitten who was in the kitten box. I had placed him on the front seat with the seat belt tied around the box.

I unfastened this and lifted the box out of the car, carrying it by the handle. The occupant gave a bit of a squeal and meow but he was fine. He had been meowing a little on the way here but otherwise he had been a model passenger.

I carried him from the car, to the front door opening it with my key. I quietly slipped down the hall way and into the kitchen. I did exactly what I said I was going to do and placed the box on the table with the kitten in it.

Arthur Pleb Picks up the story again from here.

I shouted to Amy "Mums home!" But trying to give Calamity time to get into the kitchen.

"Come on Amy lets go and see mum!"

Amy came when called and I led her into the kitchen. I was of course the first through the door and I could see the kitten sat in the cat box on the kitchen table. The kitten looked so tiny and forlorn sat in a box which was ten times too big for him. He was a cute little thing. A Grey Tabby kitten with wonderful black markings.

He was squeaking, like kittens do and gave the odd meow.

Amy came into the kitchen a few moments behind me. She did not even appear to notice the large cat box on the table, let alone the meowing sound coming from it or the Kitten inside.

She by passed the table completely and went to the sink to make herself some cordial which was on the work surface.

"Amy?" I asked. "What's that on the table?"

Amy Pleb will take it from here.

I looked at the table and saw the box sat there. I had not noticed it as I walked in. I had heard squeals and meowing before but I thought they had been made by Tilly. I then turned to look at the box and saw the most beautiful Kitten I had ever seen.

"Wow Dad!"

"Isn't he great Amy?"

"Yes he is!"

"Is he a boy Calamity?" My dad asked mum.

"Yes love he is!"

"Great mum I wanted a boy!"

"Are you going to thank your mum Amy for finding such a great kitten?"

"Oh thanks mum he's brill!"

Arthur Pleb picks up the story again.

Amy was completely besotted by her new kitten. She took him from the cat box, very gently of course so as not to spook him.

She handled him very well. She played with him for some time and never got bored with him. Tilly came up to him, sniffed at him, looked him up and down and sniffed at him again. The kitten seemed far happier to see her than she was of him.

She sniffed him again, looking him up and down and then slunk off.

As much as to say Amy how could you like that matted ball of fur, more than me. Tilly went into the lounge and lay down on the rug and went to sleep. Amy made her new addition a bed in the old scullery and gave him some kitten food and a nice cool bowl of water to drink.

The New Kitten gets a name.

Arthur continues with the story.

Over the next few days, the kitten had settled in very well. Even Tilly seemed to approve of the little chap. But he still remained nameless, because Amy could still not find a suitable name for him.

Amy, Calamity and me, had all tried to come up with a name. Amy's list included Charlie, Billy, Bobbie and Toby.

Calamity came up with, Sammy, Grey (because he was grey) and even smoky.

I had thought of Algernon, Bertram, (Berty or Bert), Alerwishes, Chuck and even Crabtree.

But both Amy and Calamity thought that the names I had come up with were from the sublime to the ridiculous. So they were not even placed on the final list.

The names that were on the list were, Billy, Charlie, Sammy and smoky. These were the main candidates. Though I still thought that Algernon was a great name for the new arrival, because I think he has a very regal look about him, almost superior. And Algernon seemed to sum that up. But again neither Amy nor Calamity agreed.

The final choice was made after each of us had put the names of their choosing in a hat I had bought in Australia a couple of years ago. Amy picked out Charlie, Calamity smoky and I got Sammy.

But Amy after all that messing about with lists and picking slips out of a hat chose Charlie anyway. And so the new addition to the family was now called Charlie. And it was a good choice too. Only one hour after the official naming ceremony, Charlie got into some mischief.

He tried to get on to one of the kitchen chairs by making a leap for the seat pad. He successfully stuck his claws into the pad but it was not tied to the chair as Calamity who had just washed it had not fastened it to the chair and he came flying off, pulling the seat pad with him. He landed on the floor on all fours like a good kitten should.

He looked a little dazed but he just shook his head then went off on the next adventure. This led him to attacking the pedal bin. He took a running jump at the object thinking that maybe it was some kind of animal. He ran at it, hit it and bounced off.

"He's a right Charlie!" I said. And the name stuck.

Amy takes up the story again.

It was the final Saturday of my week of disasters. I woke up early. I was due to go to my drama group that morning at 10.30am. I went downstairs after turning off the alarm. My mum and dad were still in bed.

I went to see Charlie. Charlie and Tilly slept in the old scullery.

This is where mum has her laundry room, where the washing machine and the tumble dryer live.

But when I opened the door Tilly was layed in her bed but there was no sign at all of Charlie. I wasn't too worried at first, because I thought he may have gone behind the dryer or the washing machine, as he often did that at times. I called him a couple of times but there was no reply. Charlie often gave a squeal and a meow and came out when I called him, but this time he didn't.

It was then when I began to get worried. I began to look for him and checked all around the scullery.

"Where's Charlie Tilly?"

Tilly raised her head from the bed when her name was called.

I then looked behind the washing machine and the dryer but there was no sign of him. I looked in the cupboard where my mum keeps all the washing powder and fabric softener, but again there was no sign.

I looked under the scullery sink and even looked in the washing bucket, thinking that he may have jumped in there overnight and for some reason couldn't get out.

But he wasn't in there either.

After about five minutes of searching I was getting very upset, because I could not find him. I went upstairs to tell my mum and dad.

"Mum, Dad, Charlie's not there!"

My dad woke up first.

"What's up Amy?"

"I can't find Charlie. He's not in the scullery, I've looked for him but can't find him!"

"Have you looked everywhere?"

"Yes Dad but he's nowhere to be found!"

"Have you looked everywhere else down stairs?"

"No Dad."

I said nothing more but went down the stairs to search everywhere else. I called Charlie's name as I searched but there was no customary meow from him. After looking everywhere downstairs I ran back upstairs to my parent's room.

By now my mum was awake.

"Mum Charlie's gone. I can't find him anywhere. Dad told me to go down stairs and search the rest of the house but there's no sign of him!"

"Have you tried calling him?"

"Yes Mum but there's always no reply!"

"How about looking upstairs?"

"Ok mum!"

I ran off again to look in my room and in the spare bedroom but no luck at all.

After a few minutes I went back into my mum and dads room, by this time they were out of bed. Dad had put his jeans and tea shirt on and mum was in her pyjamas and dressing gown.

"Amy me and dad are going to help you find him!"

My mum and dad were good to their word and helped me search the whole house again to see if he could be trapped somewhere.

But there was still no sign of him.

"Could he have been locked outside?" My mum asked. "I'm sure I heard a cat meowing last night when I was in bed!"

"So did I love," dad pitched in.

By this time I feared the worst that Charlie did go outside.

"Hang on a minute," my dad piped up. "I remember now!"

Arthur picks up the story again.

Ten hours earlier, Amy had put Charlie in his cat bed as normal. She helped make him comfortable and went off to bed herself. About an hour or so later Calamity and me decided to go to bed. But before we did, I decided to take some rubbish out to the bin.

But to get to the bin I had to go through the scullery and open the door. I took out the rubbish placing it in the bin. But I did not notice Charlie get out of his bed and climb over the threshold. I did not notice either him slip between the bin and the side of the house.

I replaced the bin lid and went back in to the house closing the door behind me, leaving Charlie outside still crouching behind the bin. I locked the scullery door but never noticed that Charlie was not in his bed. I then shut the scullery door which led to the kitchen presuming that Tilly and Charlie were in there. I locked the front door, set the alarm and turned off the lights. Calamity had already taken herself off to bed.

THE WORLD CAN BE A SCARY PLACE TO A YOUNG KITTEN.

The Ghost Writer takes it from here.

Charlie was now all alone. He was still crouching behind the wheelie bin. He was way, way outside his comfort zone.

He has not done outside before. Infact the only bit of the outside world he had experienced was being carried in the cat box. This was on his journey from his mum to the Pleb's. And for all his tiny life he had spent most of it indoors. The poor little chap had not even had his jabs yet, which were supposed to protect him from harmful infections and diseases.

So what to do now? Charlie started to whine a little feeling all alone. But he soon stopped as he heard a noise. It was Marmalade, Stephi's cat from across the lane. He was 10 years old and he was a huge black cat with a white spot on his nose. He saw Charlie crouching behind the bin and put his head between the bin and the wall, as if to investigate the new kid on the block.

Charlie did the classic kitten stance which is what cats do whenever danger looms. And this was to turn sideways, his fur stood on end, his tail looked like a fox's brush and he almost doubled in size. He gave a hiss and spat at Marmalade, who just hissed back. He must have thought that Charlie wasn't that much of a threat. And maybe thought, I poo bigger than that! Then Marmalade turned and went about his nightly business, leaving the enlarged Charlie behind.

Charlie slowly reduced to his normal size, his instincts telling him, he could go from red alert to amber.

But not of course to green, because he was still outside on his own some. There was no Amy to pick him up in her arms and carry him to safety. Poor Amy god bless her, was safely tucked up in bed, fast asleep. She would be horrified if she knew where Charlie was and of course Mr and Mrs Pleb, secure in the knowledge that all the occupants of Pleb household are sleeping soundly. Sadly poor little Charlie would have little sleep this night.

It took Charlie almost half an hour to venture out from behind the bin. But venture out he did into the big wide world of Amy's large back garden.

He stepped from the behind the bin and made a jump onto the door step. His leap failed and fell back on to the paving stones.

But he tried again and this time succeeded. He was now sat on the sill but his entrance to the house was blocked by the solid wooden door to the scullery. There was no cat flap, but even if there were, he would have been too small to climb through it.

As he sat there on the sill he gave a little whine, as if to say help me, I'm locked out. His cries became louder and louder but no one in the cottage heard him.

After about two minutes his cries stopped and he jumped from the sill. By this time Charlie was feeling a little bit more confidant, almost cocky if you like. He felt quite big and grown up. He decided to make his time outside an adventure rather than an ordeal. It wasn't cold outside, it was still summer.

Charlie then decided to wander around a bit more. He went on to the patio at the back of the house. He went on the grass sniffing around and taking in all the different scents and smells.

Just as he was sniffing around, Charlie heard a rustling in the bushes at the edge of the garden. He looked up and saw a creature crossing the lawn. It was much larger than Marmalade. It had four legs, long ears, a large body and a long snout.

It also had a large tail. Charlie froze as it walked passed him. The animal did not so much as notice him, lucky for Charlie that the animal did not see him, as it was a fox. It moved across the garden and through the bushes and into the Bloom Cottage garden. Charlie began to move again as the creature moved out of sight.

Charlie moved around the garden sniffing and inspecting everything he came across. Sniffing at plants and jumping on to plant pots.

Despite being locked out, Charlie was having a cracker jack of a time on his own. It was as if he had been given a free pass, that is to access all areas and this is what he proposed to do. He was going to sample and savour every moment. As he sniffed and smelt his way around the garden, it was full of familiar and unfamiliar smells.

He noticed two particular smells around the apple tree.

This was the place where Amy and Tilly spent a good deal of time. He had only been with the Pleb's for a week but he could already recognise the smell of his owner and the other feline in the household.

Charlie continued to explore the large expanse of the garden. He made his way into the shrubbery at the side of the garden, where the fox had sprung from about half an hour ago. As he sniffed and smelt his way around the shrubbery, he heard a loud rustling from the shrubbery. And suddenly he was stood in front of a large creature. Charlie stood sideways on, his fur and tail got larger again.

He hissed and spat at the creature, which was none other than Crispin. He was Burt Lord's dog, the landlord of the Tin Whistle. Crispin was a larger than average German shepherd. He was by canine standards huge. Burt must not have known he was out. Crispin never left the pub at night. He like Charlie was another soldier absent without leave.

Crispin snarled at Charlie bearing his teeth at the little fellow. But Charlie stood his ground, with his fur fully extended and his heckles up.

Suddenly Crispin went for Charlie. His huge mass came hurtling towards him. But he turned and ran.

Crispin gave chase, luckily Charlie ran down the side of the Pleb's garage, where there was a huge pile of fire wood.

Charlie dived into the pile and hid out of sight. Crispin could not give chase as he was too large a creature to get where Charlie was anyway. Just then Crispin saw the fox come back from Bloom Cottage.

They saw each other and the fox took off with Crispin chasing after it. They ran off to the front of the Pleb's house, across the lane and into pastor's field. Crispin was barking as he ran after the fox.

Arthur suddenly woke up after hearing the dog bark.

Calamity woke up too saying "What's that?"

"It's Crispin, I'd know that bark anywhere!"

"What's he doing at this time of night?"

"Don't know, but Burt mustn't know he's out!"

The barking started to decrease with Crispin running further off into the distance. Calamity went back to sleep followed closely by Arthur.

As the fox and Crispin sped off into the field, quiet came over the garden again.

But although Charlie had managed to get into a safe hiding place in the pile of wood, his moving around in the pile had caused some of the pieces of wood to dislodge trapping Charlie there.

He gave out a whine and a meow but neither Amy nor her parents could hear anything as they were all fast asleep.

After about ten minutes Charlie stopped crying and could do nothing more but crouch there were he was. It began to rain and some water drops landed on his head and nose. This felt very unpleasant to Charlie, so he moved further into the pile where the drops could not touch him.

At least he was able to stay dry, though his back was a little wet. But he managed to lay down on a flat piece of wood and eventually went to sleep. But he kept waking up as the wood pile would often creak or he would hear a noise from outside like the screeching of an animal, or a gust of wind. Infact poor Charlie got very little sleep at all. And occasionally he would cry out or meow in the hope that someone would hear him.

And until that time he could do nothing but lay there and wait. And wait he did.

A few hours past by and the dawn began to break. Birds began to sing and tweet.

The Pleb's cottage was next to the Fogan River with a large mass of woods next to it. Birds of all shapes and sizes lived there. Birds from Sparrows to crows and magpies, Ducks, mallards and geese that lived on the river quacked, gobbled and squarked in the morning light.

The Pleb's garden and surrounding area was full of bird song. Blackbird's song filled the air, with other birds joining in. Wood pigeons coed and whooped in the woods and a single cuckoo made an appearance in the morning orchestra.

Charlie who had dozed off was awoken again by the beautiful but deafening sound. The dawn chorus went on for about half an hour or so. The Pleb's of course slept through this, as this sound was nothing new to them.

Eventually the singing stopped and Charlie went off to sleep again.

Amy picks up the threads from now on.

After my Dad had told of how he thought Charlie may have been locked out last night, we went outside to search for him.

My mum searched the house again and me and my Dad looked outside. I began to shout Charlie's name over and over.

"Char Lee Char Lee!"

But there was not a sound. We looked all around the garden, in the flower beds and hedgerows. I even looked up in the Apple tree which was full of blossom, in the hope that he may have somehow climbed up there through the night.

But there was no sign of him.

I kept on calling him but still no reply to my calls. My dad called his name too.

We eventually came to the garage, still calling Charlie's name.

Suddenly I heard a small meow.

"Dad can you hear that?"

"No love what?"

"I heard him meow Dad!"

"Did ya love?"

Just then came another one.

"Dad did you hear that?"

"Yes Amy I did!"

"Where's it coming from Dad?"

"It sounds to be coming from the far side of the garage!"

I went to have a look, but all I could see was a big pile of wood.

I called his name twice and out from the pile came another meow.

"Charlie!"

Out came another meow.

"He's here Dad, in this big pile of wood!"

My Dad hurried over and saying nothing bent over and started moving some of the pieces of wood, making a small pile beside him. The Meowing got louder.

"Can you see him Dad?"

"Not yet Amy but he's definitely in there, go and get ya mum and ask her to bring a towel to wrap him in, I can imagine he'll be very cold and wet when we get him out of there.

I ran to get mum and she came outside carrying a small hand towel.

By the time we got back to where dad was he had already moved a few more pieces from the pile.

"Can you see him Arthur?"

"Yes love I can just see a bit of his tail!"

"Can you get him Dad?"

"No not yet Amy, I've got a couple more pieces to move!"

He moved a few more pieces, placing them on the pile.

"There Amy I think I can get him now!"

Charlie's meowing got louder. My dad reached into the hole he had just made in the pile, with his right hand, grabbed Charlie by his neck fur, but Charlie appeared to be not very happy about this and began to hiss and spit. Charlie was obviously very scared at this point and was trying to defend himself. But my dad managed to pull him out. He looked a little wet and the fur on his back was matted but otherwise he appeared to be un harmed by his time stuck in the wood pile.

My mum came with the towel and dad placed him in the open towel and mum wrapped him up in it.

She took him quickly inside. I quickly followed, leaving my dad replacing the pieces of wood he had taken from the pile.

When we got him inside my mum dried Charlie off and we gave him some kitten food. He ate every scrap of food in his dish. We placed him on the couch in the lounge, as a special treat. He slept there for hours.

He was still asleep when I came back from my performing arts academy. But surprisingly Charlie appeared to be none the worse for his Ordeal. All he needed was food, rest and all my love. And as we all know the world and my back garden can be a very scary place for a kitten.

CHAPTER NINE

Amy Pleb and her final disaster, of one disastrous week.

I had been home just ten minutes after my session at the Performing arts academy. I was sat on the sofa with Charlie. I had just had my lunch. My Mum was in the kitchen clearing away after lunch and my dad was outside cleaning the windows. He had just cleaned the downstairs windows and was preparing to do the ones upstairs.

He got the ladder from the garage and brought it to the lounge window, where he extended it and rested it against the wall of the house. I could see all this from my seat in the lounge.

My dad didn't go straight up the ladder but came to the front door carrying his bucket. I guessed he was coming into the house, to get a fresh bucket of water.

My guess was right and moments later he returned from the kitchen with a full bucket of water.

My dad said "Hi Amy," as he passed the lounge.

"Hi Dad."

He passed by and I heard him walk down the hall and go out though the front door, which thudded behind him.

A moment or too later I saw him appear outside. He began to climb the ladder carrying the full bucket with him.

He disappeared up the ladder, until only his feet were visible, which were sticking out of one of the rungs of the ladder.

I could hear the vibration as his sponge touched the upstairs window. About two minutes later I noticed him move his right foot from the rung and thought that he would just put his foot on the lower rung. But instead he missed his footing altogether and immediately fell from the ladder, with the bucket falling to the ground after him.

I quickly got up and ran to the window, shouting "Mum, Mum come quick!"

As I got to the window I could see my dad, in a crumpled heap on the garden path. He was swearing like no bodies business. So I thought that he must be ok.

My mum came running into the lounge.

"What's up Amy?"

"It's dad he's fallen off the ladder!"

We quickly ran outside to help him.

"Arthur, are you ok?"

My dad was sat on his bottom on the path holding his right ankle.

I ran to him and gave him a huge hug around his neck, shouting "Dad, are you ok?"

"Ha think I have sprained mi ankle love!"

My mum is a trained nurse and she lifted his trouser leg and had a good look.

"Oh Arthur love that looks nasty, I think you might have broken it!"

"Will I be able to play basketball again?"

"You don't play basketball!" My mum replied to him jokily.

My dad had a big painful grin on his face and then I knew he was going to be ok. But despite this he had to go to hospital but he refused to have mum call an ambulance.

So we helped him into the car and we took him to A and E.

We were there for hours. He had to have a pot put on his leg. I couldn't wait to write on it. As for the bucket (being plastic) it split upon impact with the hard surface of the garden path.

The upstairs windows didn't get washed and my dad decided he would pay for a window cleaner in future.
CHAPTER TEN

Amy's Poem

And so ends my week of disasters. I hope we have more luck next week. But I would like to end my story with a poem aptly named My Week Of Disasters.

My week started well, I had a new mate.

His name was Charlie the Kitten and he was great.

But my week soon turned bad.

After that horrible grade, I was very sad.

Tuesday my hair would not go flat and

I thought I might have to wear a hat.

Wednesday I had a big spot.

And I could not get rid of it no matter what.

Wednesday evening with all those interruptions,

They upset me so much, I had eruptions.

The Big fall out did not help,

It was so bad, I began to chelp.

Friday I met a flatulent ferret,

She smelt so bad, she got no merit.

I felt as if I had been bitten,

Because by Saturday I had lost my kitten.

But he turned up in a pile of wood.

But the rest of the day was not so good.

My dad to cap it all went and had a nasty fall.

And so my week of disasters is at an end.

And I wonder what next week will send.

THE END
