Ay-up im the Nott'm Lass, so have you
clicked on this video because you have
concerns or need advice about your
child's sexual identity, perhaps you need
advice on how to be more supportive, keep
watching. I'm going to explain for my own
personal experience on why support is so
helpful. when coming out. So what is LGBTQ
plus? It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual
transgender, queer or questioning, and the
plus, stands for love acceptance and
embracing for all. There's also many
other sexual identities which you can
find out about online, so how many people
are in the lgbtq+ community? There's
actually a lot more than you think.
There are 3.6 million people in the UK,
that's one in sixteen of people and
worldwide we're looking at 700 million
people. So of course you're not alone,
there's plenty over the parents
questioning this. So just a little
reminder of Who I am
if you didn't already know, if you've
already subscribed my channel then
thanks very very much! And a big shout
out to my patrons who have come far and
wide, including America and India. A lot
of my content is about LGBTQ plus and a
lot of you already know that I am gay
but if you didn't know then yeah woohoo,
I am gay, so now you know please go and
hit that SUBSCRIBE button it would help
me a lot! Anyway back to my own story, in
2014 I was 19 about to leave home and go
to university, I had already been there
for a week to get my bearings of a new
city and i began to realize my sexuality. I
came back home at the weekend and wanted
to come clean about everything. Please go
and check out my coming-out story. I
wasn't ashamed, I was just really really
scared of people that wouldn't accept me,
who are close to me, for example my mum
and friends. They all knew that I liked
boys at the time I had been on a few
dates with them, but it got to a point
where I could no longer keep it a secret
anymore
I'm not actually a secretive person and
I'm very very close with my mum,
keeping something from her was the
hardest thing ever! So I sat down and
told her, luckily she was so supportive.
I can't reiterate the importance of this
and that is why it's first, the only
thing I ever wanted was support, support
is where it's at, support is the key. One
reason why a child may not want to come
out to you is the sheer fear of
rejection. I mean you're the closest
person to them, you brought them into the
world and rejecting them it's just out
of the question.
They want to make you proud and they
look up to you, you might not see it but
it's true. Now if you know that your
child is lgbtq+
and they haven't said everything just
let them know that you support any
decision they make when it comes to
their sexual identity, whether it's
figuring out who they're attracted to
and if they want to talk to you about it
they know where to come. When they know
the time is right they'll know that you
are open to talk about anything. So let's
put this straight *coughs* if you don't support
them, there will be a friend or relative
out there that will support them you'll
potentially lose or break your
relationship, with your child if you
don't support them and this will have
ever lasting damage in the future. If
your child doesn't reach your
expectations or you can't ever find a
way to accept that this could be the
future of your child, you need to cast
your negative comments and thoughts
aside, this is about them, not you! Okay
we're in lockdown right now, this is when
your child might need you the most. I
mean put yourself in their shoes, their
mind is probably in overdrive
there's so much thinking time. There will
be no distractions to their inner
thoughts, just tell them that you're
always here for them if they need to
talk to you. Listen if you can adapt to
the lockdown, you can adapt to this!
Hints can be dropped verbally or through their
behavior, if they're being particularly
homophobic, that could actually be a sign
that they're gay.
They may even comment on celebs or
school mates that have come out, or they
might say what if so and so is gay so ask
them to elaborate on their comments.
Dive deeper, but remember don't go too far,
don't pressurise
we're in a sensitive territory here, you
could ask them what they think about
lgbtq+. That will put them at ease and
will make them feel like they can talk
to you about it. As a parent
please don't make throwaway homophobic
comments. Gay that's not normal is it.
I'm glad you're not gay like that, when
you gonna meet a nice boy, when you
gonna meet a nice girl, it's just not natural, it's not normal.
Brush up on your
knowledge and become an expert on lgbtq+.
What's the first thing you assume about
lgbtq+, rather than assuming, brush up on
your knowledge and get prepared. How
would you react if your son or daughter
did come out. There's loads of
information out there to get more of an
understanding. Don't sit around and wait,
do your research, get educated you might
learn something new and what do you
already know about lgbtq+? I'm sure your
child has done their research about it,
they would have stayed up late watching
hundreds of coming-out stories on
YouTube and reading many many forums.
So what if you're religious? I'm not going
to get too deep into this as I haven't
had to deal with it,
so if you have strong religious views
that go against lgbtq+, that is your
opinion and of course you're entitled to
your own opinion, but your child is also
entitled to their opinion, and they may
have very different views to you, they
may reject their religious upbringing.
I'm sure they'll be supportive of your
religious views, but your child's sexual
identity is something that they believe
in and is their choice. Often their
sexual identity will be in conflict with
your religious beliefs and this is
something that you're just gonna have to
accept, they can't change who they are.
Now this all comes down to the
relationship that you have with your
child. If you've got a jokey relationship
lots of banter, then you could react in a
funny way, which will make them feel at
ease, maybe say oh I already knew that, or
I won the bet with your father or what
at least have got a gay in the family
now were like everyone else there's nothing
more relieving then knowing they've got
a house still to live in and parents
that still love them for who they are.
I'm not qualified to talk about
transgender but the first stage is talk to your doctor.
Now I really really would
not wish this on anybody, it's the most
degrading and awful thing to hear.
We all wish that homophobic comments
didn't happen, but you need to be aware,
that it's a big thing that still does
happen. I've lost count the number of
terms of how homophobic abuse, it's
terrible I kind of just accept it now. Let
me give you some examples, last summer
Nottingham had some rainbow crossings
painted on the street, as they were being
painted a man walked by and shouted, you
should paint the people those colors so
we can spot them. I was on a date with a
girl and we were laughed at in the bar, we
sent an email to the manager, later on we
were sent a complimentary voucher, for a
bottle of Prosecco, needless to say we
never used it ,we never went back, the
place is now closed down. Another example,
I got beaten up at a party once this
chap didn't like the fact that I was
meeting up with the party girl I've been
laughed at when I've been holding my
girlfriend's hand in the streets and
that work I've had funny comments. Oh you
don't look gay, it's because I don't fit
that stereotypical image of a butch
lesbian, actually I look quite feminine
even though city's pride themselves with
being open-minded and liberal, there are
still barriers to being completely
accepted in society. This doesn't mean
wherever I go I get beaten up. Homophobic
abuse can be much more subtle, a little
comments online, a scowl in the street,
perhaps you as a parent have unwittingly
disapproved of people in the street.
Even when you with your child this may
have happened, this will give the wrong
message to your acceptance. This could
have happened when your child was really
really little and it's been ingrained in
their memory
ever since. Kids start having memories
from about the age of four, so your
disapproval hasn't even got to be aimed
at your child, so if they hear it in
conversation which is not even about
them they will instantly reflect it
back on them. You're going to come across
articles of people that have received
homophobic abuse and actually according
to the police it's a hate crime.
This can be an exciting time in your
child's life and they'll naturally be a
lot happier within themselves,
not knowing who you are is so mentally
frustrating and draining. Your child has
worked up and built the confidence to
finally get it off their chest and tell
you. Look to the positives no matter how
long it takes, they've told you and
that's amazing you should be proud and
when your friends say oh has Bobby
got a girlfriend yet be proud to say no
he's got a boyfriend and they're very
very happy together. This can be
difficult or embarrassing at first to
say it, but you know what your friends
care less than you think.
Pride events happen every year all over
the world
haha sadly apart from this year
because of the lockdown. Going to a pride
is a massive carnival, it's a
celebration for the lgbtq+ community.
It's a big happy carnival to make people
aware I accept it it's a safe
environment for people who are in the
lgbtq+ community, I've been to pride
events all over the UK, including Nottingham, Birmingham, Manchester and Brighton
Birmingham was my favorite they really
do put on a big show, there was a parade
people in big costumes, live music, bars
and food it's just one big community
coming together you can really be
yourself at a pride festival and you dont
have to be a part of the lgbtq+ community to go,
anyone can go and enjoy the experience.
Get yourself down to one next year.
So what if your child's gay, they're
still your child, being who they are
hasn't changed them. So what, it's the
21st century, don't go snooping, don't
push them away, don't exclude them, don't
be that parent. Let's put it into
perspective your child wakes up on a
Saturday morning this is a day that they
go tell you, they tell you Saturday night
they feel relieved that they've done it.
They wake up Sunday morning feeling
happy, you on the other hand will wake up
Saturday morning feeling normal,
then you're shocked because they've told
you this, Sunday morning
nothings changed other than the fact
that your child has told you about their
sexual identity. So I do hope that this
video has been of help, any questions
please comment below and I'll reply to
everyone. Please hit that SUBSCRIBE
button, thanks for watching and I'll see
you guys soon bye
