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to learn more. Hi everyone and
welcome to happiness isn't brain surgery
with Doc Snipes: Practical tools to
improve your mood and quality of life.
Today we're going to be talking about
ten ways to use mindfulness to improve
self-care. So the first question you
might be asking is well what is
mindfulness? Mindfulness means living in
the here and now being aware of what's
going on around you at this moment not
thinking about what you've got to do
five minutes from now or what you forgot
to do yesterday but what are you doing
right now how do you feel right now are
you hungry are you happy are you sleepy
what's going on right now when we
practice mindfulness activities at the
office I'll have people go outside with
me and we will spend ten minutes outside
and they will notice what they're
singing they will notice what they're
smelling they will notice how the Sun
feels on their skin so mindfulness
basically means being aware of how you
think how you feel and what you need in
the current moment so how do you do
mindfulness is the next step well the
first thing is to kind of focus get into
your quiet place shut out all that
extraneous noise going through your head
and it's like okay I'm gonna focus on
being mindful the next thing you want to
do is let go of judgment you feel how
you feel it's kind of like watching
clouds go through the sky
you wouldn't be judging the cloud for
what shape it has well don't judge
yourself for the feelings that you're
having are the thoughts that you're
having just let go of judgments and
observe your thoughts and feelings
become aware of your environment what's
going on around you are there noises are
there smells what are you seeing and
just take a moment to be thankful for
the
Ariane's it may not be the greatest
experience in the world but it could be
so be thankful for the experience if you
take a moment to be mindful and you
notice that you're irritable and you're
tired and you're hungry we'll be
thankful for that you can fix the next
moment you can improve the next moment
because when you're mindful you take
note of those things and go oh you know
what in order to feel better I need to
figure out what to do about whatever I'm
irritable about I need to get some
something to eat and you know maybe I
need to take a little power nap so
mindfulness really helps you figure out
in the moment how to improve the next
moment so if you're having a bad moment
you can improve upon that you don't have
to stay stuck in achiness if you're
having a good moment you can enhance it
and stay in the good moments and keep
staying in there so what are some of the
ways that you can use mindfulness to
improve your wellness and improve your
health and happiness
the first one is emotion acceptance in
our culture a lot of times we stuff our
emotions we eat our emotions you know
when we're sad or stressed we eat when
we're bored we eat when we're happy we
eat when we feel unpleasant emotions
like anger or sadness a lot of times we
try to avoid them we try to escape from
them we try to ignore them as much as we
can instead of dealing with them
emotions are not scary there are nothing
more than Physiol physiological
reactions that tell us to do something
maybe to repeat something that was
really pleasurable or to avoid something
that was scary or that was you know
painful we our emotions tell us to
grieve things that we look lose when we
grieve when we feel depressed when we
feel a sense of loss what it means is
that something important is no longer in
our life and you know we need to take a
moment to acknowledge that and move to
acceptance so recognizing that emotions
don't have to be scary things
so the next step is to identify your
beliefs about emotions when two emotions
mean are they scary are they
uncontrollable do your emotions mean
that you're weak do your emotions mean
what is it that you believe about
emotions and you know how does that
impact how you deal with them are your
emotions not worthwhile maybe some
somebody told you along the way that
your feelings were overreactions or your
feelings weren't worthwhile so now you
ignore your feelings or you just say
well I've got to suck it up and move on
instead of acknowledging this is
unpleasant or this is scary and dealing
with it the next thing you want to do is
identify ways that you dodge stuff or
avoid your emotions
many of us are emotional eaters when we
get upset we tend to eat when we're
bored we tend to eat when and it can be
good things you know healthy things but
more often than not it's high calorie
high sugar high carbohydrate and high
fat types of foods so figure out what
you do some people when they have an
unpleasant emotion they do the opposite
they may start making jokes or being
sarcastic some people get angry some
people withdraw some people drink what
do you do when you feel especially the
unpleasant emotions and you know when
you start feeling happy emotions how do
you handle it I have a friend who every
time he starts feeling a happy emotion
it's just waiting for the other shoe to
drop
so he starts having all this negative
energy around the happiness and it kind
of sucks the wind right out of it so
when you feel happy what do you do how
do you embrace that happiness and revel
in the fact that hey at this moment in
time I am feeling awesome another thing
you can do when you do your mindfulness
activities and you need to schedule
these in you need to figure out when
you're going to practice mindfulness
because it's not something that you're
just going to say I'm gonna start being
mindful and you're gonna do right off
the bat when my clients are starting to
do mindfulness I see
just doing practicing mindfulness at
each meal because most of us eat two to
three meals a day so if you start
practicing mindfulness with each meal at
least you start becoming more aware of
how it feels and how you can use
mindfulness and then you can start using
it when you start feeling upset or
anxious or not quite right you'll start
noticing when you feel not quite right
and you can stop and use your
mindfulness tools to figure out what's
going on why don't you feel quite right
and how can you improve the next moment
anyhow when you do your mindfulness acts
activity identify what emotion or
emotions you are feeling most of the
time you're probably feeling a myriad of
emotions cuz you've got a bunch of stuff
going on you may be happy that the day
is almost over you may be frustrated
that you just got another project put on
your desk you may be a little nervous
because you're going on a first date
with somebody tonight and all those
feelings are kind of roaming around
that's okay identify them become aware
of them and reflect upon it and then
identify what you need to do to improve
the next moment so the things that feel
not so good how can you improve upon
them and we're going to talk about some
of them here but in the next couple of
podcasts we're gonna start talking about
cognitive distortions and dialectics and
ways you can help address your thoughts
and feelings in order to improve that
next moment but as you start to become
aware and start identifying how you're
feeling and what you need
you're gonna start learning to trust
yourself more because most of the time
people don't trust their own gut
instincts they don't trust their
reactions or maybe they rely on them a
little too much so and they don't
question them so it's important to know
that a feeling is a feeling and it's
your body's way of saying there might be
something to pay attention to the next
step is to use your thoughts and figure
out and your self-awareness and your
mindfulness and figure out if there is
something
that you need to be addressing so step
number two is thought awareness our
thoughts often connect with our emotions
if you're getting ready to get on a
roller coaster for example and you think
roller coasters are awesome you may be
just filled with excitement and just
ready to go me on the other hand roller
coasters terrify me so when I am getting
ready to get on a roller coaster which
only happened once and probably won't
happen again my thought was I am going
to die I am not meant to be going that
fast so my thoughts were negative my
thoughts were scary my thoughts were
telling me there's danger so it created
a situation where I felt anxious and
scared but the person who looks forward
to roller coasters is telling themself
this is going to be such a rush this is
awesome they're not telling themselves
the same thing so by changing your
thoughts you can change how you feel
becoming aware of your thoughts gives
you the opportunity to dispute and
change them so when I was standing in
that line for the roller coaster yeah I
was scared and I was telling myself this
you know no this is this is not cool I'm
gonna die but then I can dispute that
thought and I can say in reality how
likely is it that this is really
dangerous people wouldn't be writing it
they wouldn't be licensed if this was a
dangerous ride so I was aware able to
become aware of my thoughts and dispute
them which eventually led to me getting
on the roller coaster and riding it I
didn't enjoy it but I didn't die either
you can identify the thoughts you're
having with each emotion so in the last
exercise I said when you do your
mindfulness activities identify the
emotions you're feeling so you may feel
five different emotions and that's
awesome okay so you've got these five
emotions now for each one figure out why
you're feeling that way
what are you telling yourself that is
prompting that emotional reaction and
then review those thoughts for extreme
words so if you're saying I never am
able to do this right
then you may feel angry and distressed
and frustrated so instead of saying
never let's look for some exceptions
when you find extreme words like
all-or-nothing or always or never
replace them with words like sometimes
that will help kind of hedge what's
going on because rarely if ever defense
does something happen all the time you
know especially when we're talking about
humans when we're talking about the
seasons yes winter always follows fall
and those things but when we're talking
about what humans do we rarely
experience something all the time
there's almost always exceptions review
your thoughts for critical self
statements things that you know you're
telling yourself like of course you're
gonna fail when you do this or you don't
deserve to be happy or whatever those
statements are that are contributing to
your anger or your depression or your
anxiety and ask yourself says who you
know if you're telling yourself
something critical that you're not good
enough you're not smart enough nobody
likes you you'll never succeed who says
what's the evidence for that who told
you that and you know most of the time
you're not you're either gonna find
somebody that told you that a long time
ago about something completely unrelated
but you've got to figure out what do you
believe the next thing I want you to ask
yourself so I want you ask yourself two
things the first thing is says who and
what do you believe and the next thing
is would I even say this to anybody else
would you tell somebody you're not worth
it I don't think you would so why in the
world do you tell yourself that if you
wouldn't say it to somebody else if you
wouldn't say it to your friend if you
wouldn't say it to your child why in the
world are you saying it to yourself the
next step in thought awareness is
finding the balance or the dialectics
dialectics means there can be two
opposing forces that are equally true
you can be happy and sad at the same
time you know in life very often there's
a lot of stuff going on and there are
things that you're happy about and
things that you're sad about and you can
choose which one to focus on
you can choose to focus on the sad and
ignore the happy
which would make you plumb miserable you
can choose to focus on the happy and
ignore the sad which is a little harder
to do some people do it or you can
choose to deal with and embrace the sad
but also focus on the happy and I have
an entire podcast coming up in two weeks
on dialectics that will help you kind of
learn how to balance the both ends you
can be angry at somebody and still love
them you can hate something somebody
does and still love them
so there's balance so how can two things
that seem to be contradictory
how can they be true number three be
mindful of your intentions when you are
doing things sometimes you do things
that create a self-fulfilling prophecy
for example if you're afraid that you're
going to not get into a particular
college or you're not going to get a job
interview then you may kind of drag your
feet and not get the application in on
time or make silly mistakes on it
because somewhere in the back of your
head you want an excuse for why you
didn't succeed so you create a
self-fulfilling prophecy you make sure
that you don't succeed so you have
something else to blame it on so when
you're doing things be mindful of your
intentions if you're procrastinating ask
yourself why am i procrastinating why am
i making this harder on myself the other
thing you can do when you're looking at
your intentions is remember who and what
is important in your life you know when
you think of you know these are the
things that are really important in my
life and that's gonna be different for
different people some people it's their
family some people it's their jobs some
people it's a little bit of everything
but what who and what is important in
your life okay that is your happiness
that is your happy place now whatever
you're getting ready to do or whatever
you're doing whether it's taking a
or starting or ending a relationship or
just plumb being angry is that action is
what you're doing getting you closer to
or further away from those things for
example if you take a job because it
pays really really well it's not a job
you really want but it pays really
really well well okay so the money's
good but is the money what's most
important in your life does it mean
maybe you're going to be working 80
hours a week not seeing your family and
your family is what's important in your
life so you got to ask yourself what are
my intentions with this job but is it
getting me closer to those things my
family that are important to me the same
things true with something as simple as
being angry when you get angry it's your
body's way of saying there might be a
threat you you may may need to fight or
flee the key is may and you need to use
your thoughts and look at it and go is
this really a threatening situation is
this something that requires my energy
is there a threat to me or am I just
getting kind of all in a tizzy over
nothing and then you need to ask
yourself is staying angry or getting all
fired up angry is this helping me move
towards my goals those things and people
that are important in my life
or is it just draining my energy the
fourth thing you can do is develop an
attitude of gratitude because in life
there are gonna be things that go wrong
there are gonna be things you don't get
there gonna be things that make you
angry yadda yadda yadda but you know
what there are also things that are
going right so yeah you may not be in a
job you love right now or you may you
know be arguing with your best friend or
whatever it is so there are some things
that aren't going right but what is
going right focus on the things that are
good and are awesome in your life
because we all have these little hiccups
hanging out there periodically but what
is going well what is good focus on that
attitude of gratitude keep a running
list so you can review it periodic
you know I get up in the morning and I
go okay the animals made it through the
night they're healthy I've got a roof
over my head my kids are doing well you
know things are going okay you know
there are things I'd like to go better
sure but I have an attitude of gratitude
number five practice intentionality
so as you're learning to be more mindful
you can practice being mindful eat
mindfully so when you're eating focus on
what you're eating not reading the paper
not watching TV focus on tasting the
food focus on noticing when you're full
because when you eat mindfully you're
probably gonna eat more nutritiously and
you're not going to over eat bathe
mindfully well you know hopefully your
bathing well anyway but this is just a
time when you can practice becoming
aware you know notice that how the water
feels on your skin notice what the soap
feels like notice you know as you get
all washed and clean and all that stuff
but focus on what you're doing
you know when I sometimes I'll come in
from from doing gardening and stuff and
I'll be in a hurry and I won't be
mindful when I'm bathing and I just get
in there and I wash up really quick and
I get upstairs and I realize I still
have mud stuck to the back of my ankle
or something
because I didn't pay attention to what I
was doing and yeah it's not a huge big
deal you just get a washcloth but if you
bathe mindfully you know you don't have
to do it a second time you get it right
the first time driving mindfully that's
another time when people generally let
their mind wander and they're talking on
the phone and doing six other things
instead of paying attention to driving
practice on your way to work and on your
way home from work
driving mindfully not thinking about the
day not thinking about everything that
happened or what you got to do when you
get home but focus on the cars that are
going by the birds that are on the
powerline the clouds that are in the sky
focus on what's going on around you and
notice and just kind of take it in this
will help you as you start you know
you're going to start out by practicing
mindfulness at each meal and then add
more intentionality in your day as you
start becoming better at being more
mindful with you know when you're eating
mindfully you're also gonna notice when
you're doing these things you're gonna
notice how you feel and that's another
more time that you can check in with
yourself and go am i doing good or is
there something I can do to improve the
next moment number six is practice
radical acceptance radical acceptance
means it is what it is don't fight it
you know something can happen you can
get a letter in the mail that makes you
angry it is what it is you acknowledge
that I got this letter it's really
unfortunate I'm angry about it okay
instead of thinking about why you should
be angry or why the person shouldn't
have done this
just acknowledge that you're angry and
then say all right how can I improve the
next moment what can I do about this
right now in order to make my next
moment better you know fighting with the
anger and just doing in the anger isn't
going to do anything now it's time to
problem-solve you've identified that
there's a problem now it's time to
problem-solve number seven is fine
meaning things that happen that make us
unhappy you know they're unpleasant but
sometimes you can find meaning in them
for example failure means that you
succeeded in learning how not to do it
and it also may mean that you got
outside your comfort zone so you learned
you expanded you took a chance you were
brave you find meaning in it you can
find meaning and loss Rick recognizing
that the loss means whatever it is may
not be present in your future but you
still have the memories and all the ways
that it changed you and helped you feel
better helped you be a better person or
impacted you and this can be a loss like
when you you and your best friend have a
falling out when you lose a pet or even
just changes like when you graduate from
college you know that's a big change
you're losing Matt
part of your life you're closing that
chapter but if you think of it like
writing in a book that's a chapter you
can always go back and revisit that
chapter and reread it and you've always
got the memories and it has impacted you
in some way
so find meaning and what was that
experience or what was that person's
role what was that their purpose in your
life and you know they may not be there
anymore they may have served their
purpose but it's impacted you another
way you can use mindfulness is to use
imagery to help you relax lay down sit
down whatever get comfy close your eyes
if you want to or maybe just kind of
stare at the window and imagine being in
you know somewhere that's really
relaxing or if you already are in one of
those places like when I'm home I'll sit
in an easy-chair and I'll look out at
the farm and I just focus on what I see
out there the animals the sky the clouds
I focus on what I'm smelling what I'm
hearing what I'm seeing by doing that by
getting in the present moment I can
relax because I don't have any mental
space really to be thinking about stuff
that stresses me out
and you know if I start to note think
about something that's gonna stress me
out like you know parts of the fence
need to be replaced or whatever I just
acknowledge it and let that thought go
and then I focus back on the things that
make me happy the things that help me
relax like the Bluebird that's in the
tree so using imagery like I said it
doesn't have to be you don't have to be
there you can close your eyes and
imagine that place and use all your
senses what are you feeling what does it
feel like on your skin what's the
temperature like what are you smelling
what are you hearing what are you um
smelling hearing feeling tasting you
know sometimes you may have a taste in
your mouth use as many senses as you can
to really make that image make that
mental image come alive
practice mindful listening too often in
our culture we don't listen we start to
hear what somebody says we assume we
know what they're where they're going
with it and we start formulating our
response before they're even finished
talking mindful listening goes a long
way to improving communication and
helping people feel like they're being
heard which can reduce arguments and all
kinds of stuff listen with the intent to
hear not to respond and you're like well
conversation means I've got to respond
and I'm yeah it does but not right away
first hear everything that's being said
take it in I identify what's been said
and then form take a breath take a
minute and formulate your response
instead of trying to think wow that
person is talking and practice I
statements again in our in our culture
too often we blame people we you need to
do this you did this you didn't do this
instead of saying I would like you to do
this for me or I feel blah blah blah
when you do this thing so practicing I
statements encourages you to find your
part in it if you know the kids are
around and I need somebody to take out
the take out the trash I could say I
would like you to take the trash out
instead of you need to take out the
trash because the child is gonna look at
me and go ah you know I don't really
need to now I don't but I need them to
take out the trash
so using those I statements takes your
power it owns your power and says this
is what I need right now and it also can
help you find your part in situations
like when you come home late I feel like
you're not respecting me because you
don't call or whatever the case may be
but you're stating what
your part isn't what it what are you
feeling what are you doing in this
situation as a reaction to that person's
actions they're not making you feel a
certain way you are feeling a certain
way you are choosing to feel a certain
way and we have a the ability you know
if somebody's supposed to be there at
five o'clock and it's 5:30 and they're
not there yet you may start to feel
anxious but remember you have the
ability to check those thoughts and go
is this really worth getting anxious
about how likely is it that the person
got into a car accident or something
probably pretty unlikely so you can
choose to hold on to that anxiety and
build it up and have all these what if
statements or you can choose to let it
go and look for exceptions and think you
know what are the possible reasons this
person might be late you know maybe they
got held up at work or maybe you know
they had a flat tire that they had to
change or something that's not
earth-shattering so by practicing I
statements and recognizing that other
people can't make you feel any way
you're gonna take back a lot of your
energy and power and it's gonna help you
start feeling happier which you know
benefits you all the way around if you
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