IN CASE YOU MISSED A SINGLE
THING THAT HAPPENED IN SEASONS
ONE TO SEVEN IN "GAME OF
THRONES," LET MAY BREAK IT DOWN
FOR YOU REAL QUICK.
#R
KING ROBERT DIED ON THE IRON
THRONE, BUT CERSEI WOULD NOT BE
ALONE, JAMIE LANNISTER MADE HIS
SISTER HIS BAE, TURNS OUT IT'S
NOT ONLY KINGS THAT HE SLAYS,
THERE'S ROBB, ARYA, SANSA AND
BRAN, DAENERYS MARRIED AQUAMAN,
ALL OF THESE HOUSES, IT'S HARD
TO KEEP STRAIGHT, DID THAT KID
JUST BREASTFEED?
I SWEAR HE'S LIKE EIGHT!
BRAN STARK BECAME A CRIPPLE, TWO
DUDES SHAVED THEIR NIPPLES, KHAL
DROGO FELL APART, DANY ATE A
HORSE'S HEART, HER BROTHER'S
HEAD TURNED TO GOLD, JON SNOW
LEFT FOR THE COLD, SANSA LIKED
JOFFREY, 'TIL HE KILLED HER DAD,
NED STARK IS GONE AND NOW I'M
JUST SAD, THAT'S JUST THE FIRST
SEASON, SO DON'T YOU GO RUNNING,
PLEASE BEND THE KNEE, 'iCUZ
WINTER IS COMING!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JON SNOW MET SOME WILDLINGS, ONE
THAT WAS HOT, THEN HE MET THE
WHITE WALKERS WHO WERE DECIDEDLY
NOT, THE BAD GUYS MARCHED SOUTH
TO MAKE MANKIND FALL, BUT UNLIKE
TRUMP, THE NORTH HAS A WALL,
BARATHEONS STORMED ON BLACKWATER
BAY, INTENDING TO MAKE THE
LANNISTERS PAY, THE ODDS FOR
JOFFREY LOOKED QUITE DIRE, UNTIL
TYRION WHIPPED OUT HIS WILDFIRE,
THEON GREYJOY LOST HIS BALLS,
THEN THE WILDLINGS SCALED THE
WALL, UNSULLIED GREY WORM WAS A
HUNK, TURNS OUT HE'S ALSO
MISSING HIS JUNK, JON SNOW AND
YGRITTE BECAME A PAIR, BRIENNE
OF TARTH FOUGHT A BEAR, ROBB
TOOK A STAND, JAMIE LOST HIS
HAND, INSTEAD OF WHITE, A
WEDDING WAS RED, ROBB, TALISA,
AND CATELYN, THEY'RE DEAD, THAT
SCENE WAS SO BRUTAL, CAUSED ME
TO START DRINKING, GEORGE R.R.
MARTIN, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU
THINKING?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JOFFREY WAS POISONED AFTER
TAKING A GULP, THE MOUNTAIN
SQUASHED VIPER'S HEAD TO A PULP,
TYRION'S DAD STOLE HIS CHICK SO
HE KILLED THEM BOTH, THEN JOINED
UP WITH KHALEESI FOR PERSONAL
GROWTH, CERSEI FLEXED HER POWER,
PLAYED TOO MANY GAMES, GOT
CAPTURED AND FORCED ON A LONG
WALK OF SHAME, JON SNOW GOT
PROMOTED WHICH MADE US ALL
CHEER, AND STANNIS WON'T WIN
FATHER OF THE YEAR, DAENERYS
FREED SLAVES TO JOIN HER
BANDWAGON, SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
WATCHING "HOW TO TRAIN YOUR
DRAGON," TO BRAAVOS IS WHERE
ARYA FLED, AND THEN THE NIGHT
KING RAISED THE DEAD, THE
INTERNET WENT, "YOU KNOW NOTHING
JON SNOW," BOY AM I GLAD I STOLE
HBO GO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE BATTLE OF BASTARDS REALLY
MADE ME SWEAT, BUT THEN SANSA
FED RAMSAY TO HIS OWN PET,
MELISANDRE BROUGHT JON SNOW BACK
FROM THE DEAD, TURNS OUT SHE'S
NOT AS YOUNG AS SHE ONCE SAID,
BRAN SAW THE FUTURE AND ALSO
WENT BLIND, THERE WERE LOTS OF
WHITE WALKERS-- NO, NOT THOSE
KIND, KHALEESI SUFFERED HER
FIRST REAL DEFEAT, ARYA KILLED
WALDER AFTER SERVING KID MEAT,
BUT NO OTHER SCENE MADE ME CRY
MORE, YOU KNOW HIS NAME-- HODOR,
HODOR, HODOR!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ARYA AND SANSA FINALLY REUNITED,
THEY SANG IN A CAR, WE WERE ALL
SO EXCITED, BRAN BECAME THE
THREE-EYED RAVEN, PUNISHED
LITTLEFINGER FOR MISBEHAVIN',
THE STARKS MAY ACTUALLY GET WHAT
THEY WANT, JON SNOW ACCIDENTALLY
HAD SEX WITH HIS AUNT, EURON
WANTS TO BE CERSEI'S NEW BEAU,
AND LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THIS
CAMEO, JORAH GOT GRAY SCALY
SKIN, TORMUND WORE A GIANT GRIN,
THERE WERE THREE MIGHTY DRAGONS,
NOT ONE OR TWO, BUT THEN THE
NIGHT KING TURNED ONE OF THEM
BLUE, THE WALL CAME DOWN WITH AN
ICY BLAST, AT LEAST WE SAW JON
SNOW'S ASS, FOR FANS OF THE SHOW
THE HAZE IS STARTING TO CLEAR,
IN JUST FOUR MORE DAYS, WINTER
IS HERE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: AND THAT'S "GAME OF
THRONES."
NOW I SHOULD TELL YOU, THAT BIT,
THAT BIT THAT WE JUST DID, THAT
WAS WRITTEN BY ONE OF OUR
BRILLIANT WRITERS LAWRENCE DAI
WHO DOES ALL OF THE RECAPS THAT
WE DO, THAT IS LAWRENCE RIGHT
THERE.
WHENEVER WE BREAK IT DOWN FOR
YOU T IS LAWRENCE THAT WRITES
THEM.
AND WE DECIDED, WE THOUGHT, WE
WOULD LOVE TO DO A RECAP OF GAME
OF THROARNS, SO WE ASKED
LAWRENCE IF HE WOULD WRITE A
RECAP OF THIS.
AND HE TOLD US HE HAS NEVER SEEN
A SINGLE EPISODE OF "GAME OF
THRONES," RIGHT?
SO WE TWO OPTIONS, EITHER YOU
KNOW, WE COULD GET ANOTHER
WRITER TO WRITE IT OR WE COULD
FORCE LAWRENCE TO WATCH ALL 67
EPISODES.
SO WE WENT WITH THE OBVIOUS
EASIEST CHOICE, WE LOCKED HIM IN
A ROOM AND FORCED LAWRENCE TO
WATCH ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF "GAME
OF THRONES" FOR A TOTAL OF TWO
DAYS, 15 HOURS AND 30 MINUTES.
THIS IS REAL.
TAKE A LOOK.
