

# Eddie Langsett

by

Beth Hart

#

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Beth Hart

License Notes: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Cover Design Copyright 2013 by http://DigitalDonna.com

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

# Table of Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

A Word From the Author

# Chapter One

Dropping down into the valley my mood matched the weather; grey and overcast. The song on the radio was Fleetwood Mac's 'Second Hand News' which seemed strangely appropriate. For a fresh start I wasn't much looking forward to it although it had seemed like such a good idea at the time. It had been hard packing my little car and heading off down the motorway. It wasn't getting any easier. Not for the first time during my journey, my stomach lurched and I felt nauseous at what I was leaving behind but this wasn't going to be forever and I had to get away.

Having been brought up on the coast, I had never felt entirely right living somewhere landlocked. The first time I saw the sea on any journey it always gave me a boost and a whisper of home. Not today. No comfort in the steely waters or the vast expanse of sand I spied from the top of the hills. Dropping further down into the valley I reached the outskirts of the small town and slowed to thirty. The practice was on the left and I swung on to the car park and stopped. Well, this was work and home for the next six and a half months! It was an odd little building. Built in the seventies but modified extensively since, it still had that boxy, prefab look to it. I was here now and the papers were signed so I would just have to keep my head down and make the best of it. I'd agreed to cover maternity leave from October to March but babies march to their own beat and this one had decided to put in an early appearance. Perhaps it was all for the best. Starting a month early meant I had less time to fret and over think things.

I crept my Clio along the patient's parking spaces, past the slightly sad raised flower beds and down the side of the building until I reached the Staff parking at the back. There was a fire exit and a big window at the back of the practice and next to them the stairs up to the practice flat. With a heavy sigh I parked up and retrieved the flat keys from the bottom of my handbag. Grabbing another bag from the boot, I climbed the steps and opened the front door. Inside it was sparse but functional; I'd lived in worse as a student. Spartan, I thought.

Crap, my recently ex-husband would have said. Aled. I was going to have to stop thinking about him.

I spent the next couple of hours unloading my car and putting my junk away, then taking it out and putting away somewhere different. It didn't make any difference, it still wasn't home. I wasn't hungry but I knew I probably would be later so I decided to walk into the town centre. Surely somewhere would be open even if it was Sunday afternoon. Maybe it was more of a large village than a small town I decided as I searched for some sort of grocery store. If I'd wanted a bucket and spade or a trendy beach dress I would have been sorted but a loaf of bread and a pack of cheese eluded me. I was sure it had been bigger than this when I came for the interview. Eventually I found a newsagents that stocked a few bits and then trudged back to the flat clutching my purchases of a jar of coffee, a carton of milk, an oversized Sunday paper and a bar of chocolate. After reading the paper with a brew and the chocolate I stared at the walls until it was time to watch Countryfile. Adam and his rare breeds distracted me for a while but then it was back to staring at the walls again. After a while I gave up and went to bed. I got my night light out of my toiletries bag and plugged it into the socket nearest the bed. There was that split second of anxiety when I turned the big light out but yes, it was working and I could relax. I'd just dozed off when I was woken by a text from Janie. I knew it was her before I even looked at the phone. I'd assigned individual tones to anyone important so I knew if I needed to bother picking it up or not.

'Hope you got there okay! Only seven more months til you can come home. Paul and the kids say Hi and good luck. Be good!'

I sighed and clutched my phone, my lifeline. This was not exactly an auspicious start to my new life.

.

It's one of life's strange little ironies that, when you have been lying awake for most of the night, you will fall into a deep and peaceful sleep about half an hour before the alarm clock goes off. I dragged my weary carcass out of bed and into the shower. Washed and scrubbed, I made a coffee and then realised I hadn't got anything in for breakfast. Not particularly hungry anyway I decided. Clean clothes and a little make up completed my transformation from scruffy human caterpillar into, if not a beautiful butterfly, then at least a slightly more presentable human caterpillar. I sat on the hard little couch in the living area listening to the clock tick. First day nerves I told myself; it will get better. It will!

At eight o'clock the doorbell made me jump even though I'd been expecting it. Stuart had said he would show me round the practice again and introduce me to the staff before I started seeing patients. He looked every inch the family doctor. He must have been close to retirement age. Not all men are gentlemen but he looked like he couldn't be anything but. His hair had probably been curly but now was thin on top and grey so he kept it short. Despite this, it still managed to look slightly rebellious. One or two strands on top seemed to have escaped his attempts to keep them under control. He wore glasses but I could not have told you what sort; they were just part of his face and blended in. Whether it was genuine or cultivated, he had the air of a man devoted to his patients.

"Good morning! Sleep well?"

"Yes," I lied. "A bit nervous!" That wasn't a lie.

"They're a good bunch; staff and patients. I think you'll like it here." He stood back to let me go down the stairs first.

As we walked around to the entrance at the front of the building we chatted about the staff I'd be meeting today. Most of the people who worked there were part time so I wouldn't get to meet all of them in one go. Immediately through the front doors was reception. It was a long desk with three stations, two of which were currently occupied.

"This is Marilyn Langsett and this is Roisin Taylor. Ladies, this is Dr Grace O'Donnell who has kindly agreed to cover Jo's maternity leave." There were nods and quiet hellos. "We have another receptionist, Lucy Ryan, she'll be in this afternoon. Marilyn is our practice manageress so if you have any questions and I'm not about she's your best bet." I got the feeling she was probably my best bet even if he was around. Everyone knows a Marilyn Langsett. Everything about her said efficiency; neat and tidy in appearance; short, choppy hair; sharp, blue eyes that missed nothing; a little mascara but otherwise scrubbed and spotless. She had an air of suppressed energy. As she sat there you could almost see her vibrating, waiting for us to bugger off so she could get things done. I guessed she was about five to ten years older than me.

"Pleased to meet you Dr O'Donnell!" Marilyn stood, hand extended.

"Call me Grace, please." We shook.

"Marilyn." She almost curtsied. She seemed excited to have someone new in the practice and I could only surmise that not a lot happened in Little Combe.

Roisin gave me a big, shy smile and bobbed her head.She obviously assumed I wouldn't be calling her Miss Taylor. I guessed she was in her early twenties and had the most enormous blue eyes and the longest eyelashes I had ever seen. She'd been typing when we walked in and, when a door opened and the other GP dashed out, I figured she'd sent him a message.

I remembered the other doctor from my interview. James Quayle. He looked my age, average height, well groomed, good looking in a blond, boyish way. I wondered if there was a Mrs Quayle; he didn't wear a wedding ring and these days most guys did. It was only an abstract thought, the last thing I wanted was any sort of romantic entanglement and besides, my weakness had always been moody, hard to please guys and James looked far too well adjusted.

"Hi Grace. Pleased to meet you again. Welcome to Little Combe."

"Likewise, James." More hand shaking.

"My turn for home visits this afternoon. We've kept your book free so you can come with and I'll show you the area a bit before we throw you in at the deep end."

Stuart gave him a look and got a cheeky grin in return. I was going to like James.

All of a sudden reception seemed to be full of people just standing there looking at each other.

"So, on with the tour!" Stuart declared and everyone scattered.

My room was going to be consulting room 3. There were six consulting rooms but only four of them were in regular use: Stuart's, James', the practice nurses and Jo Hartwell's which was to be mine for the duration. The other two rooms occasionally hosted a midwife, a physio, a health visitor, a podiatrist and an optician. All the consulting rooms also had little examination room 'en suite'. Everywhere looked clean and bright and a lot more modern than the outside of the building. The waiting room had a large area given over to children's things and the overall impression was that of a small, friendly family practice.

Last stop was the small kitchen/staff room. The window ran almost the full length and looked out onto the staff car park. I could see the front door of the flat I would be calling home for the next few months. I had to smile when I noticed that there were two kettles, and industrial sized tub of coffee and really big mugs. Stuart made me a brew whilst we chatted about the local hospitals and then it was time for me to settle at my desk and await my eight thirty patient.

The morning went smoothly. I got the impression that several of the more regular patients had only made appointments to come and have a nosy at the new doctor. I finished on time: probably the first, last and only time that was going to happen! My stomach was growling a protest at missing breakfast. There was bound to be a decent sandwich place nearby. I had my first question for Marilyn! I trotted out to reception but only just caught her. She was at the door with her coat on talking to James before she left. Mondays was her half day and she was going looking at furniture that afternoon.

"First morning okay?" She inquired.

"Yes, very smooth. Just need to sort some lunch now. Is there anywhere round here that I can get a decent sandwich?"

There was the blare of a car horn from the car park.

"My Eddie." Marilyn informed me with her hands clasped in front of her and a little sideways bob which I would come to think of as her trademark.

James held the door open and gestured for us to go through.

"I was going to suggest that since you're with me this afternoon we grab a bite to eat and then go straight out. Does that sound alright?"

Marilyn waved and skipped off across the car park to a large, black Toyota double cab that was waiting by the road.

"Sounds great." Right on cue my stomach let out the most enormous gurgle and we laughed.

The pick up horn pipped again and a hand waved over the roof from the driver's side. "James!"

He waved back. We stood chatting for a little longer whilst Marilyn climbed in her ride and it pulled away, then we got into James' little Audi TT and went to lunch. I liked James, he was fun and chatty. We did a circuit round the town centre and he pointed out places I might be interested in. He parked outside a small cafe called The Blue Duck. I didn't ask why, even if he knew, it was probably a long story. "Not much to look at but the food is great." Inside was basic but clean and he was right about the food. The coffee was fantastic and the sandwich! It was huge, the bread roll was delicious and no-one could accuse them of skimping on the filling. We ate and he got me up to speed on essential gossip. I was liking him more and more. Marilyn was a widow, her husband had passed away about five years ago. The pickup belonged to her son, Eddie. They were like a second family to him because he and Eddie had been best mates since the first day of primary school. There were hints that James was not particularly close to his own family but he didn't elaborate. Roisin was rather shy but a bit of monkey once you got to know her. Apparently she was a carbon copy of her mum, as were all her sisters. "You'll know one of Roisin's when you see them." When we got back to the practice after rounds it would be Roisin and Lucy Ryan on desk. He didn't say much about Lucy but the subtext was he didn't like her very much. Stuart had divorced some years ago and there was talk of a ladyfriend in Barnstable but no-one had met her. The practice nurse, who would be in tomorrow, was Tasha, rather vivacious and a bit of a beer monster on the quiet. I liked the sound of her!

Sandwiches finished and coffees drained, we got back in the car and I got a guided tour of the area. Most of the coastal hamlets were Combe something or other and we made a few house calls close to the sea. Our route then took us inland. All the roads were narrow and twisty with high hedgerow sides. Once or twice when a big vehicle was oncoming it was a bit hairy but James was used to it and it didn't even register with him. As we crested hills and each little valley was prettier than the one before I wondered if it was possible to fall in love with a place. I'd been very taken with the bleak beauty of Exmoor and the sweep of the coast when I came down for interview. The more I saw the more I wondered if, when the time came, I would want to leave. When we were done we took the scenic route back and James kindly stopped at a village store so I could get some groceries in. We got back to the practice at six but it was Stuart's late night so it was still open. Roisin was just getting ready to go home and another receptionist was at the station where Marilyn had been earlier. I know I can't really talk but she looked like she could do to lose a few pounds. I thought she could shed a few pounds if she went easier on the makeup but it was probably a self esteem issue. I would soon realise how wrong I was! I couldn't explain why but I suspected that Marilyn's station was the practice manageress' spot and there was a bit of a pecking order thing going on.

"I'm Lucy!" she declared.

I'm sure you are, dear, I thought to myself. It was more the way she said it than what she said.

"I'm Grace. Pleased to meet you." I stuck my hand out so she couldn't avoid shaking it without being incredibly rude. Let's establish a little dominance here.

Slightly phased, she shook the offered hand.

"I hope you're going to enjoy your brief time with us." Code for 'you're not stopping so I still outrank you'.

"Oh, everyone has been so lovely so far I might decide to stay." Code for 'So stay on my good side.'

James handed her his notes, "Enjoy."

She shot him a dirty look.

"I'll walk you round," He took my elbow and made it clear I was leaving. As we walked to the car he warned "Watch yourself. Lucy hates anyone prettier than she is."

"She must hate most people."

He guffawed. "And to think I was worried about you."

"Forewarned is forearmed."

We retrieved my sad and lonely shopping for one from his car boot and, gentleman that he was, he carried it to the door for me.

"Erm, listen," He began after I had opened the door and taken the bags from him. "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me and my partner on Friday?"

Aw bless! "I'd love to."

"He's an amazing cook"

Aaah! "Does he have a speciality?"

"Do you like spicy?"

"Love it! I'll need your address and directions."

He beamed, "I'll jot them down tonight and let you have them tomorrow."

He turned to go.

"James?" He turned back. "Thank you. I am a long way from home and on my own. I really appreciate your kindness."

He actually blushed before he turned once more and trotted off to his car. "See you tomorrow!" He called and waved before disappearing inside.

I watched him drive off and felt like I'd made a friend today. I wasn't quite so lonely. I took my shopping for one inside and closed the door.

.

Tuesday was another eight thirty start but a late finish. I noticed James' car was there at quarter to, so goodness knows what time he had arrived. I wandered round at eight. Lucy and Marilyn were on desk and four surgeries would be running. The practice nurse had started already so I would have to wait to meet her. I checked the brew list in the kitchen, made cuppas for everyone and then settled in to Consulting Room 3. The morning was busy. There were a couple of emergencies so no coffee break slots. By the time I finished, Tasha the practice nurse, was out on her rounds. It was going to be a quiet afternoon. James was on a course and Stuart was doing his home visits first and then going to a PCT meeting. Marilyn had been given the afternoon off so that just left me, Lucy and Tasha, when she got back after lunch. The afternoon was steady and we got a break so I made coffee for me and teas for Lucy and Tasha. The nurse was still busy so I left hers in the kitchen and took Lucy's out to desk.

"There you go!"

"Thank you. How did things go with James yesterday?"

"Fine. It's a lovely area, isn't it?"

"He's gay, you know." She said smugly, thinking it was news to me.

"I was aware." And just because one cowbag deserves another I added. "I am having dinner with them on Friday. Apparently his significant other is a bit of a whizz in the kitchen."

Not to be outdone, "Ironic that he should be best buds with Eddie."

"Eddie?" I walked into that one. Her face lit up because she had gossip to impart.

"Yes. Marilyn's boy. Well, I say boy. Must be well into his forties now."

I was shocked, I didn't think she was old enough. I obviously didn't guard my expression and Lucy sensed she had gained the upper hand in the conversation.

"Yes, absolute hound dog. A local joke is 'what's the difference between Eddie Langsett and chicken pox? There are still women who haven't had chicken pox' " She laughed loudly at her own joke. I was really starting to dislike her.

"He must be very charming, very attractive or both then." I observed. I was reasonably sure she would not be saying this in front of Marilyn. Unless I was very much mistaken, Mrs Langsett would have torn her a new one.

Determined not to lose control of the conversation, Lucy waved a hand dismissively. "Oh yes, very handsome. Was after me for ages, but, well, who wants chicken pox." I was wearing my best doctor face to hide my scepticism.

Not only is this woman a bitch, she's not even an intelligent one.

Lucy misread my silence for encouragement to continue.

"Tasha's been with him, you know. Oh yes. Mind you, she's Eddie in a skirt, so no surprises there."

Why hasn't someone punched this woman's lights out by now?

"Still at least she can get hold of antibiotics."

I stifled a laugh, the nerve of the woman! Lucy assumed I was laughing with her not at her, and took it as further encouragement.

"Course Marilyn dotes on him. It would break her heart if she knew the truth. Funny though, him and James. The gay boy and the skirt chaser." Could she be anymore offensive? Yes, I would find out later.

"Oh, I hear my phone!" Not very original but I didn't care. I trotted off to Room 3.

"Talk later!" She called

Doubt it, I thought.

I hid in my room for the rest of the afternoon. Fortunately I was busy so I don't think it was too obvious. Someone had rung for a child with a temperature, so that was my last emergency slot taken. There were no breaks so I didn't get out of my room to meet the practice nurse that afternoon either.

# Chapter Two

The next couple of days flew by and the next thing I knew it was half past five on Friday. Good as his word, James had given me his address and directions. I'd also got his mobile and house phone numbers. All I needed now was his inside leg measurement! The boy was thorough, I'll give him that. It was a half hour drive so that gave me easily enough time to shower, sort out fresh clothes and put a bit of war paint on. I was intrigued with James' partner. James was well groomed but in no way camp and I have to admit I'd been a bit surprised he had a boyfriend. Gay or straight, James was quite a dish and I was itching to see what his other half looked like. Since I didn't have to dress to impress I settled on a pair of overpriced but very flattering black bootcuts and my 'Bon Temps Football' T-shirt. Hair up, a lick of makeup and I was hot to trot.

I arrived at ten past seven. Having decided that it was not the done thing to turn up empty handed I made a slight detour when I spotted a supermarket and grabbed a bottle of white and one of red. James had an apartment in a rather chi-chi waterfront complex. Very swish, I noted on my way up. I rang the doorbell and then bent to release the hem of my jeans which had got stuck on my boot heel. The door opened and I straightened up. Expecting James, I had a big smile and my hand out. It wasn't James. OMG!!!! James' partner was drop dead gorgeous! The absolute personification of tall, dark and handsome shook my hand and for a moment I forgot to breathe. Bloody Hell! I was stunned. Oh James: you lucky, lucky man! I was so stunned I forgot to let go of his hand and we stood there for several moments, holding hands over the threshhold.

"Oh! Sorry!" I apologised, finally letting go. "I'm Grace." I thrust the bottles at him.

"Eddie. Come in." He stepped back. Eddie? Yes, I was sure I'd heard James talk about an Eddie.

I couldn't help but notice as I walked past that he smelt as good as he looked. 6'2", long strong legs, dark and moody looking. Oh James! This guy must have a club Tshirt somewhere printed with 'Born To Fuck!'

He showed me into the lounge and we stood there a bit awkwardly. "So, erm, Eddie...." How long have you been gorgeous? No, I did manage to show some self control. "James tells me you like to cook." Lame!

"He did?" The Gorgeous One looked surprised.

"Well, he said you were really good at it and, you know, people usually enjoy what they are good at."

He was looking at me as if he were trying to decide if I were on drugs or just stupid.

"Would you like a drink?" Distinct West Country accent, uber sexy!

I'd rather have a deep hole to crawl into. "Yes please. Anything soft. I'm driving. Well, not now obviously. But I will be. Later. When I go home. I'm babbling aren't I?"

"A bit. Orange juice suit you?"

I nodded and he disappeared. Get a grip! Pull yourself together! I'd expected James' boyfriend to be good looking because James was. I hadn't expected this visceral response to someone so firmly off limits. I decided I'd better sit down because knowing my luck I'd trip and spill juice all over my host's beige carpets.

After a few moments James appeared. "Sorry, I was in the shower. Is Eddie getting you a drink?"

"Yes, thanks."

"What do you think to him?"

How graphic do you want me to be? "He's .... very attractive, isn't he?"

"Really? You think so?" He looked pleased.

"James, he's bloody gorgeous!" I may as well be honest with him.

James beamed. "Knew you'd like him." I was touched that my approval of his boyfriend meant so much to him. "I'll just go and see what's keeping him."

He's probably hiding from the crazy lady you invited round, I thought.

A few minutes later they both came back. James' lounge had three big settees in a U shape around a coffee table and they took an end each of the one opposite me. I suspected they were being very 'proper' until they knew me better.

"So, how long have you two known each other?" A safe opening line.

"Eddie and I have been friends since primary school. We were in the same class. Marilyn's son? Eddie?"

Somewhere at the back of my mind a red flag was waving, something someone had said. I was so shocked by my reaction to Eddie I ignored it."Oh right! The Toyota pick up! And how long have you been.... together?"

Eddie squinted at me and repeated "Together?"

James' eyes went wide and then he started to laugh.

Eddie looked at James who was now trying hard to stifle his laughter.

"Sorry, Eddie's not my partner. I should have mentioned I'd invited another friend round as well. Raj, my boyfriend, isn't here yet. He was late setting off."

The Gorgeous One looked distinctly unamused. Shit, shit, shit! Soft lips set in a hard line.

"Sorry. Well, that was a little awkward." Note to mouth, remember to consult brain before opening in future. Brain announced it was so mortified it was now shutting down completely. It took its little red flag and left the building. I knew there was stuff I should remember about Marilyn's boy, Lucy type stuff, but I'd been so shocked at her attitude that none of what she had said had sunk in.

"No, my bad." James was still chuckling.

Something else occurred to me. "So, Eddie, I'm guessing you're not a very keen cook either?"

Tall, dark and handsome shook his head and that incredible face was perfectly straight.

"Emergency rations from M&S since chef couldn't get here in time."

Right on cue the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Mr Moody and Magnificent looked like he would be glad of any excuse to leave the room.

When he'd gone I put my hand over my mouth and looked at James. "I am soooo sorry. I think I have got off on the wrong foot here."

James waved it away. "My fault entirely. Easy mistake to make."

The door opened and very attractive and very flustered Asian guy walked in. "Hi! Sorry I'm late. Nightmare! I'm Raj. What's Ed so pissed off about?" He leap frogged from sentence to sentence. A human whirlwind. Very direct. I liked him already.

"I'm Grace and I think it's me. I am completely socially inept. If I haven't offended you within thirty-seconds of meeting you, you probably have the hide of a rhino." I stuck my hand out to him.

"Hmm, my type of gal." He shook my hand. Nice, firm handshake.

He plonked himself down next to James and gave him a peck on the cheek. "So, what did I miss?"

Eddie sauntered back in and took the third settee.

"Other than me making an idiot of myself? Not much." I confessed.

"You're covering Jo's maternity leave? Where were you before?" Raj began his inquisition. He reminded me of Janie!

"Yorkshire. West Yorkshire."

"Thought I detected an accent. Always been a GP?"

"No, got to Reg in gynie and obs before moving to general practice."

"Significant other?" Wicked smile, "Or others?"

"Not any more."

"Kids?"

"Couldn't eat a whole one." Holy moley! He was so like Janie it was scary!

He made me smile. Yes, I was increasingly sure he was my kind of guy.

"Sum up Raj for me, in a couple of sentences." I decided to turn the tables on him. My turn to do some grilling.

"From Northampton. Studied London. Senior Reg cardiology Bristol. Hoping to be a consultant soon."

"That's the job. What about the man?"

"Honey, Raj IS his job. Except for the time I manage to drag him away down here!" James sounded not entirely happy but very resigned.

I was aware Eddie seemed to be out of the conversation. "What about you, Eddie? Other than you don't like cooking?"

"Oh, nothing so high powered." As he waved the question away I noticed his hands. They were big and strong. Think about something else, I sang to myself.

"Come on Ed. Or I will make stuff up." James warned. Personally, I would have quite liked to hear what James could make up.

"Okay. Local boy, never done much, never been anywhere. No big career." And making no big effort to hide the fact you'd rather be somewhere else. Well, I wish you were somewhere else too!

James glared at him. "Eddie's a builder. When he's not doing that he's a beach bum. Every weekend you'll find him clad in rubber and on a board or in a boat."

Hmm, Eddie in rubber, there was an interesting mental image! Just as long as he didn't open his mouth.

"And" piped up Raj, "his pride and joy is that truck of his. Touch that and he will kneecap you!"

Eddie gave him a sarcastic smile.

"Oh come on! I only scratched the bumper a little bit."

Oops. Raj was shaping up to be a scream. Eddie was shaping up to be an arrogant bore.

"So, Eddie, do you have a boyfriend or are you currently single?" I thought it was a reasonable question. There was an audible gasp from James, and Raj nearly slammed his face on the coffee table trying not to hoot. Shit! If looks could kill I was a dead woman. Eddie's expression suggested I might like to throw myself under a bus, sometime soon!

"No. I do not have a boyfriend."

I'd hit a sore spot so I tried to empathise. "Bad break up?"

Raj was almost in tears and James looked like he was ready to throw himself under the bus with me.

"I am straight."

Oh God, yes! A skirtchaser, that was what Lucy had called him. That was what I had been trying to recall. In my panic I almost said it out loud.

"Oh." I looked at the other two for some sort of support but James was too horrified and Raj had to excuse himself, "just checking dinner!" I could hear him laughing in the hall.

"Well, one person's loss is another's gain." Despite my fervent prayers, the settee did not come to life and swallow me whole. After a moment or two Raj came back and continued as if I hadn't just made a complete ass of myself.

The conversation started again on safer ground and before we knew it dinner was ready.

James dished up whilst Raj showed me to the dining room. Eddie sulked along behind us.

Dinner was very acceptable. James and Raj had several glasses of social lubricant and were loosening up hilariously. They were joking and making fun of each other something evil. I noticed Eddie stuck to orange juice same as me. Faced with these three gorgeous, smart, funny men I felt like Godzilla. James and Raj made me feel like I'd known them for years. Eddie was very aloof and cool. I guessed that I had burnt my boats there. I got the impression that Eddie was staying over, so at midnight I left them to it and drove back to the flat. All in all a great evening. I felt I'd made two new friends anyway.

Saturday, I treated myself to a lie in before I went to the beach. I took a picnic blanket and a flask of coffee. I stopped to get a sandwich at The Duck and had lunch on the sand. I texted James to thank him for a lovely evening and perhaps I could return the favour? I got an immediate reply. He'd enjoyed it too. What did I think to Raj and Eddie?

I sent back that I adored Raj. Within minutes he replied, what did I think of Eddie? I decided to be honest and texted, 'V V handsome, but knows it. Doesn't like me much.' Within seconds I received 'LOL' and a smiley face.

The day drifted pleasantly away as I lay on the sand, in the sun, listening to the seagulls and daydreaming about a handsome guy in rubber who didn't like me very much. In the evening I rang Janie. It was good to hear her voice. As usual all was chaos and mayhem in her world. By the time we hung up I was so home sick I could have cried.

Sunday was not much more productive. I went back to the supermarket in Barnstable and did a big grocery shop. I got back and struggled to find somewhere to put everything. Too many groceries and too few cupboards. After all this time I still instinctively shopped for two. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...I repeated to myself. It was my mantra when things weren't good.

In the evening I got another text. 'Grace. Hi this is Marilyn. Fancy lunch out tomorrow? James and I (poss Rois) going to cafe. You very welcome to join us.'

I sent back 'Yes Pl.' I was never organised enough to make lunch. I had to either do without or buy a sandwich. Lunch and company, even better.

# Chapter Three

Monday again. Only about another twenty-eight to go. Still, at least I had lunch to look forward to. Monday's patients were all routine. One or two were slightly irritating but that wasn't a criminal offense. The phones were quiet so the cups of coffee were plentiful. Lunchtime came and Roisin had to cover desk so it was just James, Marilyn and me. Marilyn, being the smallest, climbed in the back of James' car and I got to ride shotgun.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"The Duck." Marilyn replied.

"Roisin was late in this morning. Anything the matter?"

"Ah! Quite the opposite." She giggled to herself but said no more.

"Alright," James gave in, "I can tell you are dying to fill us in so don't be coy."

"Well, Roisin has a suitor!"

She had all sorts of interesting expressions. When she had found out I was divorced, she had asked me if I was courting. Courting, it conjured images of an altogether more chivalrous time. The rest of the short drive was spent speculating on the poor lass' love life. Just as well that she had to cover desk or we couldn't have talked about her.

We pulled up a few spaces down from The Duck and tumbled out. I noticed a black pickup but dismissed it. Nah, couldn't be. Turned out it was. We walked in to the cafe and Eddie was seated at a table for four. Not as smartly dressed but still just as gorgeous, he was obviously waiting for us. My heart sank into my boots.

"Hey Mum, James, Grace!" He seemed to struggle saying my name. I wanted the chair furthest from him but James nabbed it. I wasn't keen on either of the others so I stood back and let Marilyn go first. She sat next to him so that left me with opposite. James passed me a menu. The sandwich had been fantastic but I quite fancied a jacket potato. Oh dilemma. I was aware that Eddie was watching me. He must think I'm such an idiot. I looked up and gave him an apologetic ' sorry for being me, do you think we could be friends?' sort of smile. I was caught completely off guard by the shy smile I got in return. He hadn't smiled much on Friday and when he did it was in a slightly condescending way. This smile was very boyish and completely devastating. It was gone as suddenly as it had been there, leaving me wondering if I'd imagined it.

Orders in, we started discussing the day and were buried in conversation when the food arrived. The jacket potato was enormous, if I finished it I would want to sleep all afternoon. I noticed that both Marilyn and James spoke to Eddie a lot but seemed to get short or one word answers in return. He didn't strike me as the shy type but as we have already established I do sometimes get these things spectacularly wrong. It seemed to me to be an interesting dynamic, more like a family, mum out with her two adored sons. Marilyn didn't work Monday afternoons so she was in no hurry. James was on home visits again and I had a routine surgery so he was going to drop me off on his way. When it was time for us to go Marilyn and Eddie ordered another coffee and looked set for the afternoon. He might be a bit arrogant but he obviously thought the world of his mum. One redeeming feature then. James and I walked out to the car.

On the way back, James was thoughtful.

"Penny for them?"

"Oh, sorry. Miles away." And he was driving! "So Grace, what did you think to Eddie today?"

"Still handsome, still doesn't like me. Loves his mum though, that's a big point in his favour."

"He's a good bloke, you haven't seen him at his best."

I knew I would kick myself but I had to ask. "So, what's the score with him? He said he was straight; is there a girlfriend or a Mrs Eddie?"

James' huge grin immediately told me I was going to regret this line of inquiry. "Why? Are you interested?"

"God, no! Last thing I need. Just wondering, he seems hard work but I guess if you're that good looking, women make allowances."

"Single, no girlfriend at the moment. Like I said, you're not seeing him at his best. He's normally charming and fun."

"Just shy with people he doesn't know?"

"No, not really. Just with you."

"I'm not sure how to take that."

James laughed. "Give him time, he will grow on you. Eddie is a bit.... damaged goods."

Handsome, single and damaged goods. Catnip. I was definitely staying away from him! I laughed, "My next fella is going to be someone plain but emotionally stable and low maintenance!"

"Yeah right! Good luck with that!"

He pulled up outside the practice. "Fancy dinner again sometime?"

"Love to. My turn to cook, if you think you could spend an evening in the practice flat! When's Raj next down? I think he's fantastic."

"Not this weekend. We take it in turns. Weekend after. You inviting Eddie?"

"Is it a deal breaker?"

He laughed and I got out.

"See ya tomorrow, James. Have to go and tease Roisin about her 'suitor'."

.

Tuesday came and went mostly without incident. Once or twice I could have sworn Marilyn was looking at me strangely but it was probably something I'd said at the cafe. I didn't think I'd come out with anything offensive but then again, sometimes I just didn't think full stop.

Wednesday was really quiet. There was only me and Marilyn in. After morning surgery I did a few house calls and then at lunchtime I suggested we have a butty and a brew in the flat.

"It's a bit... well...impersonal, isn't it?" She observed of the flat.

"Hmm, it could do with a few homey touches but it'll do until Easter."

I could see she was thinking. "Have you thought about a winter let?"

"Not really. The flat is free and I still have to pay the mortgage on the house in Yorkshire." I had made a huge effort not to call it 'my home'.

"Off season rents are really quite reasonable. We have a holiday house. It's not rented out in winter, with all the work involved getting it ready and cleaning it between weekly lets, it just isn't worthwhile. If one occupant took it all winter it wouldn't need that and the rent could be really low."

I appreciated what she was trying to say but right now I didn't want any unnecessary expenditure, who knew what I'd be doing in six months?

"I'll bring you the details in." She patted my arm.

Thursday, Marilyn gave me a print off of some house details. I have to admit it looked lovely but it looked expensive. She scribbled some numbers and directions across the top. "Speak to my Eddie about it."

I was a little reluctant, I wasn't looking to rent and I certainly wasn't looking to cross paths with Eddie again.

"Go on. Promise me you'll speak to him about it."

Why did I need to speak to him about renting a house off her? Perhaps he looked after her business interests or she felt more comfortable not dealing directly with a colleague.

"We'll see."

Friday, more of the same.

"Did you ring my Eddie?"

Aaaaaarrrggghhh! "No. I will this weekend. I promise."

.

When I woke on Sunday it was sunny and unseasonably warm, more like early August than late September. What to do? I knew what I should do. I should get Marilyn off my back by speaking to Eddie. Nuts! I crawled to the kitchenette, so not very far. Kettle on, check. Jar of coffee out, check. I gazed out of the window. A walk would be a good idea; I patted my behind. Once my morning fix was made, I wandered back to the lounge to find my phone. It was charging on the coffee table and underneath it was the print off of the house details Marilyn had given me; Eddie's details were scrawled across the top. Well, here goes nothing. I unplugged the phone and dialed the number. It was ringing. 'Please be out, please be out.' The answerphone kicked in.

"Hi, you've reached Eddie Langsett. I'm not available at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone and I'll call you back." Still loved that accent.

Probably still in bed with some woman. Why did that annoy me?

"Hi Eddie, this is Grace O'Donnell. Your mum is driving me crazy about this rental house. I'm going for a walk this afternoon, thought I'd swing by yours if it's okay. No biggy if it's not, I'm walking anyway. If you get this and its not convenient you can call or text. Bye." Call ended. One job done now just the rest of the morning to waste. A stroll to the newsagents and a Sunday paper passed the time pleasantly until lunch. Soup and a roll for lunch then it was afternoon. As I washed up I looked out of the kitchen window. Crap, it was still sunny. I had been hoping for rain so I wouldn't have to call on Eddie. I checked my phone. No, no messages to say don't come by.

With a heavy heart I changed my sandals for trainers and then I couldn't think of anything else to delay me so I grabbed my bag and left. The practice was on the outskirts of the little town and the village where Eddie lived was a pleasant thirty to forty minute walk. Marilyn had also very helpfully scribbled directions on the paper! Once off the main road it was all narrow single track lane to East Combe. The sides of the road rose way past my head; possibly there was a wall in there somewhere but now hidden behind grass, honeysuckle and all manner of wild plants. Bees buzzed and it was all very summery, just like being on holiday. That had been the whole point of coming to Little Combe. As the road dropped down into East Combe I took the house details from my bag. On the offchance I'd had a message and not heard the beep I checked my phone; no signal. Marvelous.

The rental house was on the right, set back from the road slightly. It looked lovely and out of my price bracket. It would probably have been a stretch even if I hadn't still been paying the mortgage on my old place. It was higher up than the road and would have had great views. No close neighbours, plenty of peace and quiet. Never mind, no point thinking about it. The directions took me past the house and further down towards the village centre. Look for a little track on the left. They were all little tracks! One in particular looked promising. The house couldn't be seen from the road so I wasn't totally sure I had the right place. Even if I did, I was cautiously optimistic that Eddie would be out or it would be inconvenient. The track curved up and around behind some trees and as I strolled along a picturesque little cottage became visible. Unfortunately, so did a shiny, black pickup. Oh shit! I slowed to a dawdle, partly to admire my surroundings and partly because I had mixed feelings about meeting Eddie Langsett again. I clung to the hope he had company. He probably did; most women would overlook an awful lot of arrogance from a man that fine. Marilyn had been so insistent that I spoke to him about a winter let on the holiday place that I couldn't politely refuse. At least if I could say I'd talked to him about it she wouldn't be offended. To the side of Eddie's place was a small walled orchard with about a dozen trees. The little white gate to it swung at an angle. Along the front of the orchard and the cottage was a slightly untidy cottage garden. I stopped to see how many of the plants I could identify. I loved gardening and was a little jealous. This place was picture postcard perfect.

I suspected that Marilyn was trying to set me up with her son and, whilst I was flattered, she was wasting her time. The last thing I was looking for was a new man. I could only hope she had been more tactful with her golden boy. Eddie was Handsome with a capital H and like all good looking men he knew it. According to Roisin he could have any woman he wanted, and did. I didn't know how much of that was the overactive romantic imagination of the young receptionist but I could believe all of it. I just hoped he wasn't offended by his mother's efforts and had laughed them off. Then again, in my limited experience, good looking guys tended towards big egos and small senses of humour.

I couldn't put it off any longer and with some trepidation I went to the front door and raised my hand to ring the bell. Before I could press it, the door opened and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Eddie sauntered out of the cottage with two glasses. He had obviously got my message and had seen me walking up. Shit, shit, shit!

"Afternoon. Its a lovely day, thought we'd sit outside." He nodded in the direction of the orchard. I followed him through the gate and we sat on the grass in the middle. It was warm and peaceful. Somewhere nearby there must have been a stream. The glasses contained what Eddie described as 'proper' cider. It was sweet, slightly cloudy and flat like apple juice, not at all like the cider I was used to. It was just like drinking fruit juice and after my long, hot walk I knocked it back accordingly. We made a few pleasantries about the weather and what we'd done yesterday; him, surfing; me, not much. He seemed a lot more approachable and a less guarded. I started to explain that I couldn't possibly take the rental place. I couldn't afford the usual fees and I wouldn't feel right if Marilyn let me have it for less than the going rate. I know she had offered but I would still feel like I was taking advantage. Blah, blah, blah. I noticed Eddie was smiling. It wasn't one of the cold, rather arrogant smiles I'd seen before; nor was it like the big, goofy grin I'd seen him flash at James. It was a genuine smile that reached his eyes and softened them. He looked at me sideways. "It's not Mum's house, it's mine." He sounded amused.

"Oh! The way she was talking ....... I thought..."

He was chuckling now.

"Although it did seem odd that she wanted me to talk to you about it. I just assumed you managed it for her." Awkward! Still, it could have been worse. I could have been saying 'yes please, I would love to rent the house at well below what it is worth, and when can I move in.'

"It's okay, she gives that impression sometimes."

"I am so sorry." I wasn't sure what I was sorry for but it seemed like a safe thing to say.

Eddie waved it away. "Nothing for you to be sorry about. Mum's really taken to you and in her own way she is trying to take you under her wing."

Oh no, I thought, here it comes. She has been trying to match make and this is where he tells me he's not interested. Even though I wasn't interested either I was dreading hearing it. After all, no woman likes to hear that she is not deemed attractive enough to be of interest. I took a big gulp of cider. It really was so much nicer than the clear, fizzy stuff.

"I can just imagine Marilyn as a mother hen." I said brightly. Especially when nervous, I could say such dumb stuff I amazed even myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Another big swig of cider followed.

Fortunately Eddie found it amusing, or maybe it was just me he found funny. "She's generally a pretty good judge of people."

"You work as a doctor's receptionist for long enough it's a skill you acquire," I replied and he nodded.

For a moment neither of us could think of anything to say but the silence was not uncomfortable.

"Fancy another? It's not like you're driving." Eddie offered. I was surprised to see my glass was nearly empty.

I laughed and accepted. Why not? It was very pleasant here and Eddie seemed much more relaxed at home. That edge to him had softened and if I was going to be in Devon a while a few friends would be appreciated. Plus it would put James in an awkward position if his best bud didn't like his new friend.

Eddie took my glass and went back inside. I watched him walk away. He had a fantastic ass. Just perfect. I might be on a diet but, oh, I could still salivate over the menu!

He returned with two full glasses and lay stretched out on his side next to me. We chatted and drank for a while. Mostly we talked about polite, safe stuff like local characters and the pleasures and pitfalls of living on the coast. He liked to surf. I hated water. Several more glasses of cider appeared and disappeared. We both got more and more comfortable. James was right; Eddie was funny and charming. To start with he seemed to take very little seriously but then we got on to the subject of the house he'd always wanted to build for himself and he became passionate and animated. He was an outrageous flirt! Some of it was so outrageous it was clear he was joking; some of it was a bit quieter and I wasn't so sure, but I may have been reading into it what I wanted to see. I could have listened to him talk all day. On the last refill I couldn't help but notice Eddie had a bit of a sway on. When he came back he told me stories about him and James, and we giggled like school kids. I was itching to ask him about his own reputation but figured that would be a fast way to spoil the afternoon and I did NOT want to do that. Part of me didn't want to know anyway, I really liked this Eddie, I suspected that if the tales were true I would like him a little less. I had blue skies, sunshine and a fine looking man who laughed at the same things I did, it just didn't get better than this. I suspected that if I got up to walk anywhere I would have a sway on too.

Eddie took his T-shirt off and lay back, hands behind head, on the grass. Oh yeah! Building and surfing clearly kept him in shape. Nicely muscled with just the right amount of body hair; still tanned from the summer sun. This was my fantasy material for the next month. Who was I kidding? This was my fantasy material for the next year! A small voice in the back of my mind informed me that this man knew exactly what he was doing. He knew he looked good, he was showing off. I was probably staring but wow, who would blame me? I was hypnotised by the fine line of dark hairs running down from his navel and disappearing beneath his jeans. The trail to the whale, I thought happily. I sighed loudly and Eddie noticed the direction of my gaze and the smile on my face.

"You can touch me if you want." His soft West Country accent was more pronounced as he relaxed.

The sound of his voice jerked me out of my trance. Drunk or not, I was mortified at being caught looking! I looked up, for a moment not sure if I'd heard what I thought I had. Surely this was just another ridiculous remark designed to tease and make fun of me? His dark eyes were serious. I wish I could say that I had come back with some clever, sexy response but to my eternal embarrassment all I could manage was a slightly strangled "Sorry?" Sex goddess, NOT!

For a moment Eddie looked almost vulnerable. "Touch me. If you'd like. I'd like."

Holy shit! That face, that body, that voice: what the Hell was I supposed to do? "That voice could talk me in to just about anything." Oh no, I said that out loud, didn't I?

I reached out and placed a hand on his ribs. I could feel them rise and fall as he chuckled.

"Do I sound like some local yokel?"

"You sound like the hottest guy on the planet!" Ooops, didn't mean to say that either. I think he was nearly as amazed as I was.

"You like my voice?"

"Oh yeah, I could listen to you all day." Mental note: NO MORE CIDER. E-VER. Like he didn't have enough women throwing themselves at him! Get some dignity, girl!

"Hot as in sexy?"

"As Hell, yes."

He seemed to mull this over for a second. He looked at me and his eyes were full of mischief. "So, are you waiting for a written invitation then?"

I shook my head and laughed. Was he serious or not? My hand slid up his chest so that my finger tips could stroke his closest nipple. Eddie's eyes half closed and there was a matching half smile on his full lips. Seemed fairly up for it. Rough cider and inhibitions do not mix but truth be told I didn't know where to start. It had been a long time since I had done anything even remotely sexual; and longer still since it had been anything other than something slightly unpleasant to be endured to keep the peace. Clouds of apprehension started to form. I looked up from my hand to Eddie's eyes, brown and crystal like a hawk's. He hadn't missed the clouds.

"Come here." Not quite an order, more than an invitation.

I snuggled up against him, propped up on my elbow so I could still look on him. He took my hand from his chest and took my finger into his mouth. Clouds gone! Then he returned my wet finger to his hard, little nipple.

"Anything you want is okay with me. We can do whatever you want. As much," short pause, "or as little." The expression on his face made it clear he was longing for the 'much'.

I had to laugh. "You think I'm going to take advantage of you?"

Big grin now. "I was hoping, yes."

So I leaned over and kissed him. Full on snog. Eddie's lips were ever bit as kissable as they looked. Soft, but not too soft, taking and giving in approximately equal amounts. Lips easily parted to reveal a sensual mouth and a talented tongue. Slow, deep kisses that made my breasts ache. I drew back to look at him. Oh, he was into this and it made me feel indescribably sexy. I moved down so I could lean over and tease his nipple with my mouth. Running my tongue round and round and then very gently nipping it with my teeth. There was a sharp intake of air over my head. I put my lips around it and softly sucked it before teasing it with my tongue. A soft moan was my reward.

Sitting up, I chided him, "You stopped talking."

"Not often I'm lost for words." I believed that!

Looking along his body, I slid a hand down his chest then across his belly until it reached the button on his jeans. It just seemed to pop undone beneath my fingers.

"Permitted?" I glanced up to catch his expression.

He swallowed and nodded. "Very permitted. Practically compulsary!"

I ran my hand over the front of his jeans. Eddie was already good and hard and evidently quite a big boy. Wow, I felt sexy and powerful. This was my toy to play with as I wished. Major ego boost. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you to touch me."

"And where should I touch you?" I whispered.

"My cock. Touch my cock." Came the hoarse reply.

So, the beast had a name. Carefully, I undid the zip and then slid my hand inside. Oh, definitely a big boy. And if the gossip were true, he knew what to do with it. I sat up so I was kneeling beside him. "Nothing else to say?"

"Put your hands on my cock, my lover."

I knew it was just a local expression, like 'pet' or 'love' or 'darling', but it still thrilled me to hear him say it. The idea of having a man like this for a lover, not a boyfriend nor a sexual partner but a lover, just took my breath away. I pulled his jeans open and down. Oooh, boxers! And then I tugged those down over his hips too. His manhood stood to attention in the sunlight. I stroked a hand up it and Eddie shivered.

"Oh yes, touch my cock. Touch my balls."

I put a hand around his dick and began to work it slowly up and down. My other hand cupped his ball sack and gently massaged it. Eddie exhaled loudly. I was so aroused I wasn't thinking straight, lost in the slow up and down, up and down. Through my fog of lust I saw Eddie move his hand over his mouth and bite it. Don't do that, I thought, let it out. Let all those words and noises out. I couldn't believe what I was doing, how I was feeling. I took my hand away, spat on it and then put it back around his cock, using my saliva to lube him up.

"Oh yes!" Eddie moaned and I was gratified to see his hips start to move, my beautiful toy. One hand moved from behind his head and found my breasts. It started trying to wriggle its way up my top and in to my bra.

"Ah ah aaah!" I removed it and put it back behind his head. He wasn't entirely happy about it. He licked his lips and murmured.

"I want to feel your breasts in my hands. I want to kiss them and suck your nipples."

I have a fairly major thing for dirty talk and at this point I lit up like Oxford Street at Christmas. I started to rub his big cock a little faster.

"I want to touch your clit and make you come. Fuck me, my lover, take me and fuck me." His West Country drawl made his crude words seem sensual and seductive. Oh, I loves me a man who knows how to ask for what he wants!

I thought I was going to burst. My hands increased their tempo again.

"Do me, please my lover, do me." He pleaded then his hand went to his mouth again and even in my need I wondered what it was he didn't dare say.

I moved round so now I was kneeling between his legs, his big dick erect right in front of me, just aching to be sat on. Looking up at him, I raised an eyebrow.

Eddie nodded vigorously.

I leaned over and took as much of his incredible manhood into my mouth as I could, sliding my lips as far down as I dared. Slowly I rocked back, sucking gently and licking as I withdrew along his cock. When I took my mouth away he gasped.

"What do you want, Eddie?"

"I want to come in your mouth."

"You'd better be a good boy."

"I will, I will."

I leant forward again and whilst holding his cock still with one hand, I began to lick and suck at its head. Noises of intense appreciation were coming from his chest.

Slowly I started to move my hand up and down his shaft again, timing it with the up and down of my mouth over his glans. I was hoping it felt good enough to compensate for the fact that I didn't have the gag reflex of a porn star.

"Oh God, yes," moaned Eddie. "Just for you. Use me. Any way you want me."

My head was spinning from the cider and from him but I was aware that he was close to coming. His whole pelvis was moving, thrusting; trying to get more of him into my mouth. Between my saliva and his pre-cum he was so wet and ready. My hand on his shaft started to move even faster and my other cupped his balls in its palm with my fingers gently pressing his perineum rhythmically. My mouth took in as much of his dick as it could and as I drew back again my tongue licked and flicked over the sensitive frenum just below his helmet. From his grunts and jerks I got the impression that this felt good. Then I started sucking hard as I pulled my head back and every time I sucked and pulled I thought 'cum, you gorgeous bastard, cum.'

Eddie was too far gone to talk now. He was moaning and groaning, primal noises coming from deep inside his chest. God, I love a noisy, appreciative man! He was thrusting now and my hand was pumping hard to keep up.

"Coming," He managed to gasp. "Oh yes, I'm coming!"

I took my mouth away and leant back but my hand on his cock kept its rhythm and my other hand kept squeezing his balls, encouraging them to give up their precious contents.

"No!" He groaned but he was beyond stopping. Warm, creamy cum spurted over his belly as he shot his load. I held his cock still as it twitched and the last drops of his salty sex ran down its length.

I looked up expecting to see the smug smile of a satisfied man and was shocked to see Eddie looked like he had been slapped.

"Eddie, what's wrong?"

"I thought...." he began as he sat up, before grabbing his T-shirt and starting to wipe himself off. He wouldn't make eye contact with me. Oh shit! Good feelings gone!

"Eddie!"

He looked up and met my gaze but couldn't hold it and looked away again.

"Just me being stupid." He mumbled and carried on wiping.

"You are not stupid. Please Eddie. I thought you liked...." I faltered. "I thought you wanted ......" I began but trailed off. I thought you wanted a blow job, did not seem like the thing to say at that moment.

I was aware of birds singing in the background as an awkward silence descended. The sunshine was still strong but I could have sworn the temperature just dropped a couple of degrees. What was I thinking? Too late I saw the stricken look on Eddie's face and realised that I had said it out loud. How had things gone from fucking amazing to totally fucked up in less than a minute?

"So I am a mistake, am I?" He looked away but there was no mistaking the hurt in his voice.

"No." I leant forward and put a hand on his face so I could turn him to me. "Look at me."

He kept his eyes downcast.

"Look at me, Eddie!" He dragged his eyes up to mine but they were cold and hard like they had been the first time I met him. "Don't do this. Please. Its been so long."

James' comment about Eddie being damaged goods made an unwelcome visit from my memory.

"What just happened between us was not a mistake," Hopefully. "But it was unexpected. Really unexpected."I let my hand drop and sat back. Despite myself, I could feel tears welling up. "I don't understand what just happened. I thought it was what you wanted, I thought you were enjoying it. One minute you are blowing my mind the next you are like this. Why? I don't....."

An unpleasant thought occurred to me. "Is this because I didn't swallow?"

Eddie shook his head. He looked a little embarrassed now. "I told you, its just me being stupid."

Another awkward silence and I noticed the breeze was picking up.

Like the sun from behind a cloud, a grin suddenly lit up his face. "So I was blowing your mind, was I?"

I smiled back and nodded. A small warning voice said to let it go but I ignored it. I sounded a lot calmer than I felt when I asked, "So, what's wrong?"

There was a big sigh."It was a surprise for me too, okay? I don't want you to think I'm a slut."

"A slut?" That came out slightly more incredulous than I had intended.

Eddie shrugged and now looked really embarrassed. "You know. Easy. Cheap."

It was my turn to be lost for words. Eddie Langsett, well known swordsman and ex-squaddie, worrying about being thought of as sexually easy; well, it took some getting my head around. Perhaps Marilyn Langsett's assertion that her Eddie was a good boy weren't quite as coloured by maternal pride as I first thought.

"You're not easy, Okay? Besides, if you're easy what does that make me?"

Eddie laughed, "the Big City girl come to use and corrupt this poor, simple country boy and then abandon him."

I started laughing too. "That's funny, I thought it was you corrupting me."

"How about we corrupt each other and then you don't abandon me?"

"Sounds good to me!" and I was sincere. Hmmm, some serious abandonment issues though.

# Chapter Four

Goodness only knows how I made it back to my little flat on Sunday evening. Eddie was in no state to drive and had wanted to call a taxi. I'd refused and said I would walk back. Eddie had then started trying to insist he walked with me but the truth was I suddenly wanted to be on my own. I'd kissed him goodbye and had to peel him off at the end of the track to his house. As I walked my head cleared and I felt better. When I got back I made a sandwich and went to bed. I was shattered emotionally and physically.

The seven o'clock alarm heralded the start of my third week at Little Combe Health Centre. I was into a routine now and eight o'clock found me washed, watered, dressed and standing at reception. James had been in since at least half seven. I wasn't quite sure why he was always so early but he was. Marilyn had taken him a brew and that just left me and Roisin at desk.

"So, did you speak to Eddie about the holiday place?"

"Yes."

"Nice ain't he?"

I must have looked blank but the truth was I was a little fragile.

"Aw come on! What are you? Dead? Don't tell me you don't think our Eddie is fit!"

"Erm, yes, I'm sure he's very attractive."

"I'd give him one, even if he is a bit older. Don't tell Mazza I said that."

"That he's older or that you'd give him one? Your secret is safe with me."

"Speaking of secrets; we're having a girls night out on Friday, sort of a Welcome to Little Combe thing, pick you up at eight. Don't tell Lucy."

Marilyn appeared from consulting room two and trotted back to her station. "Poor James looks tired this morning. Took him a brew and a biscuit."

She arranged a few pens and bits on her desk and then piped up "Oooh. Did you speak to my Eddie about the holiday place?"

Here we go again. "Yes. I felt a bit of an idiot really. I didn't realise it was his place."

"Well who else's would it be?"

"I thought it was yours."

"Oh!" She giggled. "Sorry! Are you sorted then?"

"It looked lovely when I walked past but I just can't afford it."

"I'm sure he'd drop it for you."

"And the rent too." Muttered Roisin and got a clip round her ear for her trouble.

Shaking my head in amusement I wandered off to consulting room three and prepared for my first patient.

.

Midmorning an instant from Marilyn popped up.

'There is something here for you.'

My morning was going well and I was actually ahead for once so I thought I'd have a look. When I got to desk there was an enormous bunch of red roses. I wasn't going to stand there and count them but I reckon there were about two dozen with foliage and those little, white flowers; gypsy something or other. There was a card tucked inside. It read:

'Grace. Please call me, Eddie. X' followed by his phone number. Presumably in case I'd lost it between yesterday and today.

When I looked up I noticed that Marilyn was suddenly suspiciously busy and smirky whilst Roisin was visibly in awe of me. No need to ask if they had read the card then!

"Do we have anything I could put them in?"

"I'll put them in some water in the kitchen." Marilyn took them off me and bustled off with them. She'd only taken a few steps when she turned. "Oh, you'll be needing this!" and she passed me the card. Yup, no need to ask at all. Deliberately not making eye contact with Roisin, who was practically bursting to ask, I went back to my room.

'Well?!' demanded the instant from roisin's station when I got back.

'Yes thank you.' I replied.

.

I finished the morning session and as the last patient left I pushed my chair back and stretched my legs. I thought about Eddie's extravagant gesture. It was a very public way of declaring his interest. I wondered what Marilyn thought about it? Was he that confident or just that determined? Was she pleased about the turn of events or did she think 'here we go again!' I suspected she'd been hoping for this. I was the sort of girlfriend mothers approved of; safe, reliable, not too flash.

I'd liked the Eddie I was with yesterday, even without the inappropriate intimacy. He'd been exactly what James had said he was, fun and charming. James? Rolling back to the desk I checked the appointments screen and noted that James had finished too. He was definitely trying to fix me up with Eddie. Yet he'd called him damaged goods? Perhaps he thought if I was forewarned I could deal with it? Only one way to find out.

I walked along the corridor and knocked on his door.

"Not unless the patient is dying!" came the exasperated response.

"Only dying to ask you a question," I replied.

I slid through the door and leant on it after I had closed it.

James looked up and smiled. "Well, well, what can I do for the lovely locum?"

Deep breath. "You know when you said Eddie Langsett was damaged goods? What exactly did you mean?"

That got his attention! "Oooo, why do you want to know? Wouldn't have anything to do with that large floral tribute that arrived this morning?" Bloody Hell, nobody in this practice misses a trick, do they? I must have squirmed visibly. "Ho ho, it does!" His blue eyes positively sparkled at the prospect of juicy gossip. James pointed at the chair only recently vacated by his last patient. "Sit! Now, spill sister!" I had to laugh. I had only known him for a few weeks but he was one of those people you feel like you've known forever.

Perching on the edge of the chair I felt like a teenager. "Damaged goods?"

"Oh no! You first!" he guffawed. This was just the mischief he needed after a stressful morning.

"Oh come on! Just tell me, exactly how much bad news he is." I wheedled.

"So, you like our Eddie then?"

"Maybe. Yes," I grudgingly admitted.

"Good!" James leant back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. He smiled a big, smug, knowing smile and then continued. "Because he is seriously into you!"

"Say what?"

"Hmm, I got a phone call last night from a rather drunk and upset Edward. Seems he had one too many and did something stupid." He did the quotation mark thing with his fingers around 'something stupid'. "Something so stupid he's scared shitless that you won't want anything to do with him."

I think I did a masterful job of keeping my face straight at this point.

James looked thoughtful for a moment and then leaned forward.

"Eddie is my best friend, has been since primary school. He's a good man and a decent human being. You could do a lot worse and not much better."

"Firstly, I suspect that you have been trying to engineer this. Secondly, after the stuff I've heard about him I am just .... concerned. I need to know what exactly damaged means."

"What have you heard?" Blood from a stone, I thought.

"Well, Marilyn tells me he's a good boy; faithful and thoughtful, kind to children and small animals sort of thing. Roisin tells me he could have any woman he wants because he is, point of fact, sex on two legs. Granted the lass is totally in awe of him. And Lucy actually said that the only difference between Eddie and chickenpox was that there were still some women in town who hadn't had chicken pox. Not within Marilyn's earshot obviously."

"Marilyn and Roisin are both right." James said quietly.

"And Lucy?"

"Lucy is a spiteful bitch who has never got over the fact that when she threw herself at him he wasn't interested!"

My surprise must have shown. I thought my eyebrows were going to disappear off the top of my head.

"Ok, " He continued, " This is the lowdown. Eddie got married young. Too young, I suppose. Not much by way of career prospects round here so he joined up. After a while she announced she wanted out of the marriage. Eddie was devastated. He left a promising career in the Army, came home, drank too much, did drugs, screwed around and generally seemed hell bent on getting himself killed. After a while he got his act together, got a trade and moved on. He's been clean and sober more than 15 years. He has what I believe Agony Aunts refer to as Commitment Issues. There have been casual girlfriends but no one who has had him ringing me at 2 in the morning in a right state." Pointed stare.

"Oh!" I was still stunned.

"So lovely locum, will you be calling our Edward?"

"Why did she leave him?"

"That's between you and Eddie." For a wicked gossip he could display amazing tact and discretion.

I nodded, thinking hard. "He's lucky to have a friend like you," I said sincerely and I rose to leave.

"Are you going to call him?"

"Yes. Yes, I am"

As my hand touched the door handle James spoke. "I have to know. What was the stupid thing Eddie did?"

"He didn't tell you anything?"

He shook his head.

As I turned the handle down and opened the door I replied nonchalantly, "Well, that's between you and Eddie." I just about managed to get out of the door before something thudded against it.

.

I sent Eddie a text to say 'Thank You' for the flowers. I um'd and ah'd about whether to be all modern and say I'd like to see him again or be a bit more traditional and leave it up to him. I couldn't believe I was even considering it. The ink was only just dry on my divorce and I was here to take a break from heartache and complications. In the end I told myself I was jumping the gun. He was probably only after friends with benefits, whatever James said. He was a fine looking man, perhaps a light hearted, ego boosting fling was just what the doctor ordered. Finally I decided that I was a mature women of the world, not some pimply teenager and besides he wouldn't have sent me flowers if he wasn't open to seeing me again. I sent 'Hi Eddie, thank you for the lovely flowers. Could I see you again sometime? Grace.'

Well, if you don't ask, you don't get! I sat on my chair and thought to myself that it was sent now so no point worrying about it. What was the worst that could happen? He could show it to his mates and they could all have a good laugh. OK, not helpful. As it was, I didn't have to worry about it for long. Within seconds a reply pinged back.

It read, 'YES. Tonight?'

Wow, that was quick! I must have just caught him at a quiet moment.

'OK. What did you have in mind?' I replied.

'Pub with nice beer garden near mine. Pick you up at 8?'

'Looking forward to it. Will stay away from the cider.'

His answer pinged back immediately, 'Not on my account.'

Yes, a little harmless flirtation would be just the thing.

.

Monday afternoon was my first family planning clinic. Even now a lot of women still prefer a lady doctor for personal stuff so the clinic was my baby, so to speak. I had a couple of coil fits to do so Tasha would be working with me. I had been the family planning doc at my last practice too and before that a house officer, SHO and then Registrar in gynie and obs. How ironic, the amount of my professional time spent helping others to avoid the thing I most wanted in my personal life. Anyway, the afternoon was lightly booked and Tasha was good fun to work with. About halfway through we had a coffee break and I asked her what she knew about Marilyn's lad. A sly grin spread across her face, obviously she knew about the flowers. Basically she confirmed what his mother and Roisin had said. He was a nice guy, steady and dependable, but never seemed to have anyone serious in tow. She alluded to him having a murky past. Gossip had it he was something of stallion between the sheets. Apparently there was no shortage of willing women. She certainly wouldn't say no. Neither would Lucy, and Tasha recounted, with perhaps slightly more malicious relish than was necessary, how Lucy had rabidly pursued Eddie to the point were he would hide if he saw her. That had been a source of tension between the receptionists, not that Lucy needed an excuse to fall out with anyone. "You'll be alright though. Marilyn likes you," she teased. Having started to dish the dirt on Lucy she was warming to her subject. The stories were many and often hilarious. I thought it better not to tell her what Lucy had said. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so much. I was almost sorry when the day was over.

Once back in the flat I made myself some pasta for dinner and just tried to relax until it was time to get ready. I showered and changed into some jeans and a casual but clinging cowl neck top which showed off my boobs. Fresh make up, hair brushed and I was ready to roll. Five to eight the doorbell rang. I opened the door and have to say Eddie was looking good. Boots and navy chinos were paired with a loose, pale shirt open at the neck with just a hint of chest hair. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his arms were muscular and sported a watch on a leather wrist band and a surfer bracelet. Obviously not long since out of the shower, he was freshly shaven and his hair was still damp. It makes a girl feel good when a guy has gone to a bit of effort for her.

"I'm a little early. Sorry."

"No worries, I'm ready."

As we walked down the steps I noticed that the double cab was freshly washed too. Eddie opened the passenger door for me. Points for being gentlemanly as well. East Combe was a five minute drive. I'd only walked as far as Eddie's cottage before but if I had carried on a little way into the village I would have come to a village green with a duck pond, a pub, a village stores-come-post office and a tea room. The pub was called The Hanged Man and the sign looked like a tarot card. "Landlady is very New Age," Eddie informed me as we pulled into the car park.

Walking across to the pub entrance Eddie took my hand. It surprised me a little but felt wonderful. His hands were strong and warm. He continued to hold my hand whilst we got our drinks and then he led me out of the back door and into the beer garden. It was large and lit by an eccentric selection of lights. There must have been about half a dozen picnic type tables and the same number again of small round tables with chairs. Small trees and large shrubs broke the area up into cozy little corners which felt really private. We walked past a large climbing rose that covered a dilapidated pergola and I discovered that behind it, out of sight, was another little table and this was where we sat. We both felt a little awkward at first. Eddie seemed almost shy. He certainly didn't seem like the same guy I had met at James'. I was glad about that! We started chatting about nothing in particular and passed a pleasant half hour. Eddie popped back inside for more drinks and I studied the garden. It had been a good choice, it would have been romantic in daylight but the subdued night lighting made it almost magical. Here and there were surprise little features like a Green Man plaque or a bronze duck with ducklings. It was charming. I was fascinated by the bats hurtling round the pub roof.

When Eddie returned with a glass of wine for me and a coke for himself I was beginning to wish I'd brought a jacket. I shivered a little as he put the drinks down. "Want to sit inside?" I shook my head. He pulled his chair closer to mine so he could sit with his arm around me.

"So," he began, "what are you doing here?"

"You invited me?"

He gave me a 'don't be a smartarse' look.

"I needed a break, to get away and think about things. Covering Jo's maternity leave was an ideal opportunity."

"Anything in particular you needed a break from?"

The whole practice was aware of it so, "From my divorce." I could tell he already knew.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Want to hear about it?"

"Yes."

That threw me a bit. "Why?"

He looked slightly phased for a moment then, throwing caution to the wind, admitted, "Because I want to know how slow I have to take things. Don't want to scare you away."

OK, you asked for it, let's see who scares who away. "We couldn't have kids. I couldn't have kids. We tried for years. Tried everything, even went through five cycles of IVF. That puts a strain on a marriage, as well as the bank balance."

He didn't look in the least bit deterred so I continued.

"I guess under the pressure we grew apart. I found out he was having an affair. Even then I suppose we could have worked it out but his girlfriend got pregnant. He'd been so desperate to be a dad. It was just too broken to fix so I divorced him. The decree absolute came through in June." I shrugged.

"If she hadn't got pregnant, would you really have taken him back?"

"Possibly. Probably. Who knows? She did so the point is moot."

"Do you still love him?"

"No. I still care about him and I want him to be happy, I'm just comfortable with the idea of him being happy with someone else. I'd stopped loving him long before he met her."

Eddie looked thoughtful.

"Are you ready for another serious relationship?"

"Wow, that's a question and a half."

"If you're not, I will back off a bit. I don't want to push too hard and make a mess of things. I want to be top of your list when you are ready."

"Nothing like putting your cards on the table!"

"I don't play games, if that's what you mean."

"OK. Your being honest, so I will be too. When I came to Little Combe the absolute last thing I wanted was a man. The first time I met you I thought you were handsome but arrogant and I didn't like you much. The second time was better; the third time was ....well....you know." He smiled and looked down. I continued, "I've spent all day thinking about you. I've loved being with you this evening and I shall probably spend most of tomorrow thinking about you as well. Two weeks ago, if someone had mentioned a relationship I would have said cold day in Hell. Today, it sounds tempting. I know that sounds a bit weak but it is a massive change for me."

He nodded as if considering this information.

"I'd given up ever meeting a woman I could feel really passionate about again. Social circles round here are small and I thought it just wasn't going to happen for me. Thought I was going to die a lonely old bachelor. Then I saw you in the surgery car park chatting to James and something sparked. I pestered James for an intro. That Friday evening was a revelation. I thought you were beautiful and smart and funny. You scared me to death.You thought I was a jerk! When Mum mentioned you two were having lunch I wangled an invite. I tried to be a bit calmer, a bit more relaxed but I got so tense around you. Yesterday, I thought I'd try a little Dutch courage and, well...."

This had to be the emotional equivalent of I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Neither of us was quite sure what to say next.

As if he had reached a decision Eddie drained his glass. "Right then, come on." He stood and moved his chair out of my way before grabbing my hand again and striding off across the garden, towing me like a balloon, through the pub and out to his pick up truck.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we drove out of the car park.

"I am going to show you Wayside."

Wayside? Oh, the rental house."Eddie, we've been through this, although you may not remember. I just can't afford it."

"Thought you might like to have a look anyway."

"OK, just as long as we are clear."

"Crystal."

.

Wayside was on the main road into East Combe, slightly higher up the valley than Eddie's place. It had originally been a sort of traveller's inn with food, beds and stabling. Eddie parked at the bottom of the steps and carefully we made our way up in the darkness. There was a double outer door into a vestibule and a single inner door into the main building. The lower floor was open plan and bigger than it looked from the outside. The end with the front door was the lounge. The other end was the kitchen and had the dining table. The two where partially divided by a fireplace with a wood burner so that whether at the table or watching telly you could still be sat next to it. There was a staircase at either end up to the first floor. I half wondered if Eddie was going to try something but he showed me round like a gentleman. Three beds and a bathroom. Lovely, but far too big and far too much for me. I sighed as we left to go back to my sad little flat.

The short journey back to the practice was quiet. When we pulled on to the car park Eddie stopped on the front instead of driving straight to the back.

"I want you to think seriously about Wayside."

"I can't afford it!"

"We could work something out."

I gave him a look.

"No! I'm not talking about sex. Winter rents are low round here so I don't let it out but really it would be better to have someone in it, at least keeping the place warm and aired. You don't want to be in that depressing flat, I don't want you to be in that depressing flat and I'd rather not have the house empty. You could have it until Easter if you paid the utilities. Regardless of what, if anything, happens between us. I will never set foot in it without your invitation. I'm not... I'm not.... You know!"

I did know. "I'll think about it, seriously."

In the light from the streetlamp I could see relief on his face. Slowly we rolled along to the steps for the flat.

"I'd invite you in but it's already late and we both have to work tomorrow."

He held my hand and kissed my palm and then the inside of my wrist. So simple but so effective. He leaned over to kiss my cheek and then his fingers tilted my chin so he could kiss my mouth. I slid my arms around him and kissed him back. Did I mention what a good kisser he was? It wasn't long before we were snogging and groping like a couple of teenagers in a borrowed car. Eventually he pulled back. "If I don't go now I won't be able to and I'm guessing you'd rather not have my truck still parked outside in the morning for everyone to see."

"That could take some explaining to Marilyn!"

"Mum would be thrilled about it AFTER she had threatened to have you run out of town if you broke her little boy's heart."

"You sound so sure about that."

He gave me a 'you have no idea what she's like' look whilst he tucked his shirt back in.

I kissed his cheek one last time and got out. As I took the stairs I turned to look at him and he mouthed 'phone me' and made a phone gesture with his hand. I nodded eagerly.

'Tomorrow?' he asked.

'We'll see,' but the expression on my face said yes.

He waited until I was inside but by the time I got into the kitchenette he was gone.

The roses were in a measuring jug of water next to my bed and when I couldn't sleep that night I made a brew and sat up in bed looking at them. What sort of bloke talks about long term relationships on what is technically a first date? The sort of bloke who's looking for one or a player looking for the fastest way to get your knickers off? What did I want? I knew what I didn't want and that was to get hurt. I deserved some fun and I was out of here in six months anyway. OK so just see where it leads, go in with no expectations and do not do any heavy emotional investment. I had to smile. Teenagers fell in love, we mature women invested emotionally. Damn you, Cosmopolitan! Having put a bit of perspective on it and impressed myself with my common sense and emotional maturity I drifted off to sleep. Just as I finally nodded off a lonely thought wandered through my mind. How long did I think I would hang on to those attributes with Eddie around?

# Chapter Five

Only Tuesday? Surely it should be weekend already? After morning surgery all three of us had home visits to do. I only got lost once this time so it was getting better. I was starting to get my head around the idea that many of the local hamlets only had one road so addresses tended to be a house name or number and then just the village. It was a matter of cruising through slowly enough to read all the name or number plaques. One or two of the patient notes even had helpful little directions scribbled on them. Today was noticeably colder than the previous few days and the sky threatened rain at any moment. Despite my little detour I was back at the practice on time. That was twice in a row for me, perhaps it was a sign. As I walked through the front entrance my phone chelped, I had a text. Marilyn was covering desk and was dealing with a patient as I passed so I just nodded. Pulling my second brain from my handbag I ambled in to the kitchen to get my caffeine fix. It was from Eddie.

'Thought any more about last night?'

Roisin thrust a freshly made coffee at me. "Top lass! Thank you."

I leaned against the sink to type a reply. 'Which bit? There was a lot to think about'

Sliding the phone shut, I sipped my poison and started to chat to Roisin. Within a minute there was another chelp.

"Eddie?" inquired Roisin all eyelashes and faux innocence.

"Might be," I replied in a way that screamed who else?

Message read 'All of it. The house - me - incredible earth shattering sex.'

Immediately I pinged back 'YES' and giggled.

"Eddie!" the junior receptionist confirmed.

Another chelp. 'Which bit?'

Straight back 'All of it.'

Roisin was looking at me curiously.

"What?" defensive, moi?

"Have you told Mazza?"

"No. Think I should?"

"Aha!" She pointed at me in triumph. "So there is something going on to tell her!"

"Damn it! Outmaneuvered by a 22 year old. Alright, I may have an interest in the lovely Edward but if there were anything going on surely he would be the one to say something."

She said nothing but her enormous eyes said yeah, right. There was a sudden intake of breath. "EPIC!"

"Pardon?"

"Can I be the one to tell Lucy? Please, please, pretty please!"

"No-one is telling anyone anything until there is something a bit more definite!"

"Aww!"

As we laughed I considered how well she was taking this since I'd always thought she had a bit of an older guy crush on him. It wasn't exactly like she was short of admirers herself but still, it could have been awkward. It was certainly not going to be that pleasant with Lucy when she found out. My mind turned to what had been said about Marilyn. I couldn't afford to fall out with two receptionists even if it was only a temporary contract. I was going to have to sound her out. What was I going to do if she didn't want me seeing Eddie? Right on cue my phone sprang to life. Text from Eddie. I was going to need to test the water and soon.

'Can I see you tonight?'

This was all going way too fast. As uneasy as I felt, the bottom line was I wanted to see him and there was no reason not to.

'I'd like that. Do you have a plan?'

Roisin gave me a questioning look and I shrugged. "Three nights in a row?" She sounded incredulous. "AND half a florists shop? Sounds pretty definite to me!"

No time like the present, I would speak to M now.

I checked my watch. Half an hour to afternoon surgery. As I turned to go out to reception I paused. "What's the difference between 'epic' and 'awesome'?"

Without missing a beat "About twenty years." She shot back.

Bitch, I mouthed and she hooted with glee. Yes, a monkey when you got to know her and I liked her all the better for it.

.

At reception I slid into the empty seat next to Marilyn who was now typing half heartedly.

"Er, Marilyn. How's things?"

"Great, yeah. And you? Did you like your flowers?"

Relief! An entry point.

"Weren't they lovely? There aren't any vases in the flat so they are in the kitchen jug at the moment. Erm, listen, how would you feel about me and Eddie seeing a bit of each other. I mean other than as my landlord?"

Her face lit up. "You're taking Wayside then?"

"I think so. We haven't finalised anything yet. It's just that there is a bit of chemistry going on but I have to work with you and I don't want us to fall out."

"Why?" suspiciously. "What are you going to do to him?"

I couldn't say 'do you want that list alphabetically' so I was lost for words.

Then she started laughing. Bloody receptionists!

"Knowing my Eddie, you'll be seeing more than a bit of him! No, I don't mind. He hasn't said much," so therefore he has said something! "but he is very keen on you."

I could hear the wheels turning. "I hope you don't mind," she began.

Uh oh!

"I did mention to Eddie that you are only recently divorced. Didn't want him charging in and scaring you off before you'd even got the chance to get to know him. You know what I mean."

Clearly not taking advice from Mummy then! A beep and a buzz from my pocket heralded another message.

"My Eddie?" Hands clasped and a little sideways dip.

Smile. "More than likely."

"You know if you ever need to talk to someone about him I'm better placed than most to give you answers. Not that I'm sticking my nose in." One hand over her heart and the other came out in a stop sign. " Some people have opinions about him. He used to be a bit wild, upset one or two folk, but he's a good boy with a heart of gold."

"So don't believe everything I hear?"

Marilyn pulled a face. "Some of it you can probably believe." She obviously loved him dearly but had few illusions about him.

"Tell me more."

"If it develops into something serious, what will you do when Jo comes back?" Oooo, smooth change of subject! Wow, nothing like a little forward planning. May as well just ask me if my intentions towards her son were honorable. "I hadn't thought that far ahead. I don't have any plans beyond Easter. I guess I would look for another post locally."

This answer seemed to satisfy her. "What would you have done if I'd said I didn't want you seeing my Eddie?"

"Truthfully, I don't know. I don't need the aggravation of fall outs and bad feelings at work but I'm not sure I could leave him alone. I think I am asking because I want to be respectful and polite but I suspect I would date him regardless." Now I'd said it, it was something of a revelation to me too. Another satisfied nod.

"One last thing....."

Oh dear!

"Can I be the one to tell Lucy?"

I gave up.

.

Once I was back in my consulting room I pulled my phone from my pocket and checked the message. 'Pick you up straight after work if ok. Need sensible coat and boots/trainers/wellies.'

So not fine dining then. 'Ok. Any clues?' I replied.

'No' pinged back.

A man of mystery too, I mused. I settled down to play Solitaire until my first patient arrived.

.

At the end of the day I was out of that place like Fred Flintstone but without the dinosaur to slide down. Yabba dabba do! I was changed into jeans, fleece and walking boots and clutching my waterproof jacket before anyone else had left the practice. As I watched from the kitchen window I saw Stuart's car reverse and drive off. A few minutes later I saw James walk to his car and leave. It suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea what time Eddie finished work and that I may as well have a drink whilst I waited. I didn't really want a drink, I was too nervous but I told myself not to be so silly and flicked the kettle on. Within seconds I saw the black double cab as it slowed and then turned up the car park. It pulled in to the space James had just left. The driver door opened and long legs wrapped in denim stepped out. Eddie waved at the window before bounding up the steps. We reached the front door at the same time.

"Hi!"

"Hi yourself!" Arms around me and big smooch. "Come on!" His hand grabbed mine and started to tug me towards the car.

"Let me lock the door!" I had to laugh, his enthusiasm was catching. I managed to get the key in and turn it with my free hand.

Just as we got to the bottom of the steps Roisin and Marilyn rounded the corner. They noticed that he was holding my hand and all three of us noticed that he made no attempt to hide it.

"Glad to see you are taking your landlord duties seriously," Marilyn oozed honey.

"Oh you know me, Mum."

"Yes. I do!" Unless I was mistaken that was a warning shot across his bow.

Eddie laughed and helped me into the pick up as the ladies got in to his Mum's Focus. They waved as they drove off and he walked round to the driver's side. As he climbed in and closed the door my phone bleeped. Text from Roisin, 'Don't do anything I wouldn't'. Seconds later a second message, 'Nice boots!'

He leant over and, putting his hand to my face, kissed me. "Turn that bloody thing off."

"You don't seem to mind it when you're texting me on it." I teased.

"Well, you are with me now so I don't need to. I don't want anyone else distracting you. For this evening I want you all to myself. So turn the damned thing off. Please."

"Oooooooooo! Mr Bossy!" I turned it off anyway. "Where are we going now, Boss?"

"Not far."

He was right, within a couple of minutes we were pulling on to the seafront car park.

We climbed out and he retrieved something from the back of the truck. As he closed the door I could see it was a picnic basket and a big golf umbrella. He certainly wasn't lacking in the romance department! The light was already beginning to fade as we made our way down to the sand. It was cool and windy but the sea air felt good as it whipped my hair around my face. In the bottom of a pocket I found a hair band and scraped it back in to a pony tail. Eddie carried the basket and passed me the brolly so he could put his arm around me. I put my free hand in the back pocket of his jeans. That was how we walked along the water's edge for about twenty minutes, laughing and chatting. The rain held off and every now and again we stopped to kiss and watch the waves.

"About here should do," He announced and we walked up to the dunes. In a sheltered spot we sat down. It was nearly dark now but the moon was full and inside the basket was a small lantern. Either he thinks of everything or he has done this before. "I love being out here. Like being on another planet. Nobody comes this far along in the off season. It's a good place to think."

"Do you bring all your girlfriends here?"

He gave me the same look I'd seen Marilyn give him earlier.

"Sorry." I am not a jealous person but he was right that this was a special place and the thought of him sharing it with someone else cut me. I was surprised at how much it bothered me. Surprised and worried. I'd only known him a couple of weeks and I had actively disliked him for most of that. What did I expect him to say? That I was the only one he'd ever brought here? Oh sister, get a grip! I was annoyed with myself. He must have seen my scowl and misunderstood.

"Don't be cross with me." His voice was soft.

"I am not cross with you, I am disappointed with me."

"Why?"

"Because you're a grown man, of course you have a past. Why should I care what you got up to with other women? It's really none of my business anyway."

"No."

"Fine."

"I meant 'no, I haven't brought any other girlfriends here' "

And then again you could be lying. Suddenly I wanted very much to be back at the poky flat and on my own. I'd never experienced sexual jealousy personally before and it made me feel mean and stupid. For crying out loud, I'd only known him two weeks! Not even a whole two weeks! I'd been almost relieved when my husband, ex-husband, had announced his infidelity and yet the thought of Eddie with someone else made me want to claw his eyes out. The strength of my reaction frightened me. Change the subject, for goodness sake, change the subject.

Eddie started laughing. I loved that sound. "Someone told me that when a woman says 'fine' she means "fuck you'. " He raised an eyebrow.

"What else is in the basket?" I asked brightly.

He went through the contents but I noticed he was looking at me strangely. 'You stupid, STUPID bitch!' I berated myself. 'You've ruined a great evening. He's not going to want to see you again after this.'

There was a big flask of soup, bread rolls, crisps, strawberries and champagne but only one flute.

"Hmmm, lovely. You can be my catering manager from now on."

"Would it have mattered to you if I had brought anyone else here?"

"What sort of soup is it?" Please God, not tomato.

"Does the thought of me with other women upset you?" He wasn't going to let me change the subject.

"I barely know you." I sighed.

"That wasn't what I asked."

"What do you want to hear?" Just tell me what you want to hear so we can drop it and talk about something else.

Eddie looked straight at me. "I want to hear that the thought of me with other women upsets you very much."

"Have you ever told a woman you loved her and not meant it?"

"No. I don't say things I don't mean. I don't play games."

"Doesn't it worry you, to be talking like this on a second date?"

"Nope. The heart wants what the heart wants. And it's our fourth date."

I had to smile at that.

"So answer my questions. Would it matter to you if I had brought another lover here?"

Oooh, ears pricked up at that word! "Yes, it would matter very much. I want to feel that you brought me somewhere special because you feel that I'm someone special. Not just part of your regular seduction routine."

"Do you think I do this all the time?" a little offended.

"Given your rep, yes."

"My rep?"

Oh, I should have kept my mouth shut!

He continued, "What have you heard?"

"That you're a bit of a player, if I'm honest."

"So why are you here with me?"

"Because I've also been told, by people who really should know, that you are a lovely guy."

"What do you think?"

"You are a very attractive man. Women must throw themselves at you so often it gets boring. You wouldn't be human if you didn't indulge yourself a little."

He laughed. " So you don't think a woman could say 'no' to me?"

"I couldn't." I wasn't laughing. "So to answer your question. The thought of you being with other women kills me. I can't bear to think of you making love to someone else when you won't to me." I was stunned. Where had that come from? Now I'd said it out loud I knew it was embarrassing but true.

I wasn't the only one shocked to the core. Eddie gaped at me. "Won't?" was all he could manage.

A small, cold splat on my arm made me jump. Then another. Then one on my face. Eddie felt it too and it broke the trance. The golf umbrella went up and we huddled underneath it with the basket. It was cozy and fun sharing food and kisses in our little shelter. The tension vanished like a drop of water on a hot plate. I sat with my hands round the flask lid (thankfully chicken soup) watching the steam rise and, under the edge of the umbrella, watching the surf and the lights of Little Combe in the distance. The sound of waves on sand and rain on nylon was relaxing. Gradually our chatter died away as we were both soothed into silence. Leave a man alone for a while with nothing to think about and he will soon be thinking about sex; and Eddie was all man.

"What did you mean, 'Won't'?"

"Won't what?"

"Won't make love to you?"

"I just meant that I wanted you to and you weren't."

"Oh. I was trying to be respectful, take my time." There was a pause and then a deep breath. "I'm clean you know."

"Beg pardon?"

"I'm clean. Healthy. Have no transmissible diseases. Every couple of years James gives me a full MOT so to speak. Blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose, liver function; the works. Had my last one in July and I haven't been with anyone since then. Are you...OK?"

How very modern! I couldn't really say that since I hadn't been with anyone in living memory I was probably safe.

"Yes. Had more swabs and tests when I going through IVF than I care to remember. There hasn't been anyone since then for me. My marriage went supernova during the fifth cycle and by then we were no longer having sex anyway. It's been a very long time for me."

"Shit, no wonder you want me so much!"

"Eddie Langsett!" I said sharply. "That has nothing to do with it! You are so bloody desirable I could have been boffing for England at the weekend and I would still want you!"

There was a snort of amusement, "boffing?" and then a pause and then a sly "So you want me?"

"Hell yes!"

Another pause. "You and me, it has to be exclusive."

"Of course!" Not that I was exactly overwhelmed with other suitors but he didn't need to know that.

"If we're healthy and faithful I don't want to use condoms. Unless your on your period and you would rather I did. Personally I'm not bothered by a bit of blood. "

OK, that was slightly more personal information than I needed at this point! Even if we were both 'clean' and pregnancy wasn't a danger I still felt uneasy. All the time at work I spent nagging people to use them. Perhaps I could convince him that putting one on was part of foreplay? "Well, since we're not going to shag here on the sand I suggest we think about it."

"Put your soup down."

I saw the look on his face. "NO. We are NOT doing it here!" I meant it!

"Just kisses," hands raised in mock surrender.

"Hm, OK." Kisses it was; lots of them. Kissing and talking and giggling until it was time to head home.

Walking back along the beach towards the lights it all felt so right. I couldn't believe I'd been so touchy earlier. What had I been thinking? Eddie chatted away happily; telling me all about a house he was working on; just day to day stuff, ordinary things, like couples do. When we reached the truck he put the basket and brolly away while I stared back down the beach. Something had changed out there, things had moved up a notch.

"Penny for them?"

"Sorry." I turned to open the door but Eddie pressed me up against the side of the pickup, using his whole body to pin me there and his arms to hold me tight. He kissed me, hard and demanding this time. Anyone walking along the esplanade would have seen us. When he came up for air I managed "Someone might see us."

"I don't care." He forced himself on me again and after a few moments I didn't care either.

Still pinning me to the truck he took my left hand and held it over the fly of his jeans. With his lips by my ear he whispered, "I want you to be jealous. I want the thought of me with another woman to make your blood boil. I want you to need me; to want me so much that I have to reassure you and prove myself to you. I want you to be as obsessed with me as I am with you."

"Eddie, if you don't take me home RIGHT NOW, I swear to God I am going to wrestle you to the floor and have you right here in the car park. I mean pin you down and fuck your brains out and I will not care if anyone can see. Take me home!"

"OK, do it. Do me here and now. I want it." He pressed my hand on him forcefully and moved against it.

I actually found myself looking along the seafront and wondering could I get away with it. He must have read my mind and was so smug that he could make me want him so badly.

"Yours is closer."

"Mine it is then."

He almost threw me into the truck!

.

Eddie drove considerably faster back to the practice than he had to the beach. I was out of the cab before the hand brake was on and dragging him out as he was turning the ignition off. He laughed as I shoved him towards the stairs, slammed the door and resumed pushing and shoving him frantically towards the flat. Key in door, door open, light on, coats off. We staggered back and landed on the couch. He was still chortling. "Aren't you going to shut the front door?"

"Oh, yeah." I stopped tugging at his clothes and rolled off him to see to the door. Once it was closed and locked I put the keys on the hook and took a deep breath. 'Calm down,' I told my self before turning to face him. So this was it! My first time in a long time and my first time with Eddie. He was sat on the couch with his long legs stretched out in front and a muscular arm stretched out along the back of it. He patted the seat next to him, "Come here." So I did. He went to put his arms around me. "Ah ah!" I stopped him. "Shirt off first, baby." So he peeled his fleece over his head. Wow. I had to put my hands on his chest. He smiled and I kissed him, slowly at first, getting deeper and hungrier, tongues circling, breathing harder. I undid his trousers and pushed my hand into them. He was big and hard already. I started to caress his manhood. I pulled back from him so I could look at his hard on and watch my hand playing with it.

"This isn't going to last long," he apologised. "I'm just so turned on."

"I don't want long, I just want you, inside me. Please Eddie. Make love to me, please."

He stood and led me into the little bedroom. Now the walking boots became an issue. He was already shirtless and we could have torn the rest of each others clothes off, but the boots! There was nothing for it but to sit down sensibly and wrestle with the laces. Boot laces and sand were never an issue in the movies. We looked at each other and started laughing. Suddenly the dynamic had changed and he was in charge.

"Lie down."

I did as I was told. It had been so long I was scared and not sure what to do. He stood over me, next to the bed, large and a bit scary in the soft glow of the night light. He stroked his penis as he looked down at me. "Spread your legs, baby."

Again I did as I was told. He began to finger me, exploring my private parts. Gently he pushed a finger up into me. I felt my back involuntarily arch. Oh God, I wanted him. Now, take me now, oh for fuck's sake get on with it! He kept his finger moving inside me, stretching me. I couldn't keep myself from moaning with pleasure or stop my body from moving, trying desperately for more of him. I felt like such a wanton slut, lying there obediently with him pleasuring me and my nipples standing out proud and hard for him. "More Eddie, more." I couldn't keep the words in.

"Are you ready for me, my lover?"

"Oh yes."

He got between my legs and positioned himself ready to enter me. He pushed his cock inside me.Oh God, he was enormous! Oh, he hurt! Too much! He kept pushing. Eventually his full length was inside me and I was panting and whimpering.

"Oh yeah!" Eddie moaned. I was pleasing him. I didn't care how much it hurt if he was enjoying it.

"I'm sorry, my lover. This isn't going to last long. I promise it'll be better next time."

To be blunt, at this point I didn't much care how long it lasted, I just wanted him. He was driving me insane. Eddie pulled out almost completely before thrusting himself back in. I cried out but I wasn't sure if it was pain or pleasure. Oh yes, he was so deep inside me! Big, hard and strong; pounding me like he was trying to bust the bed.

"Put your legs together. Trust me. Put your legs together under me."

I did and he shifted his weight forward on his elbows. His hard shaft now pressed against my clit. As he began to move back and forth he pressed and rubbed against that most sensitive area. Not only that but the head of his dick stretched and massaged the entrance to my vagina. Pain was fading fast and intense sexual pleasure was making me writhe and moan.

Eddie was moving faster now. His eyes were half closed. " Oh, so good! Fuck yes. Fuck yes."

Pumping harder and faster. Rubbing my throbbing clitoris harder and faster. He rested his face against my neck. "Can't hold back much longer." He groaned. "I have to cum inside you."

I had my hands on his buttocks, pulling him in to me. I was close to orgasm myself. Suddenly he buried himself to the hilt in me and as our pubic mounds ground he was shouting "YES! YES! TAKE IT! TAKE MY CUM! MINE , MINE , MINE! OH FUCK, YES, I'M COMING!" Wild noises came from somewhere deep within his chest as he shuddered and climaxed. I felt him throbbing inside me as he exploded. He was sweating and panting. He took one of my hands from his bum and slid it between us.

"Do it for me, my lover, please. Let me watch."

"Sit back, baby." I spread my legs so he could sit between them.

"Best seat in the house." He murmured sounding awe struck. My fingers were finishing what his shaft had started; rubbing, pressing, pleasuring myself.

His hands stroked the inside of my thighs rhythmically. I looked at him, the flush of arousal still visible across his chest and up his neck. I was so close I just couldn't quite get there.

"Please baby, help me. I can't do it without you."

"What do you want?"

"Finger. Please. Inside me." I gasped.

He pushed his middle finger in to me and it just made everything complete. I squeezed it and ground on it. It felt so good; like it belonged there. His voice, low and sexy, murmured encouragement. "Come on, sweetheart, come on. Do this for me. Show me what I do to you. Please baby, come for me."

Effortlessly but noisily I came, sliding gratefully into orgasm.

As I came down from my sexual high I reached up to Eddie and pulled him down on top of me. "Thank you baby. Oh thank you." I sighed as I held him.

"Was I good?" His voice was small, almost pleading.

"You were wonderful."

"You do still want me, don't you, now you've had me?" A little more confident.

"Oh Eddie, sweetheart, it's just made me want you even more."

I looked at him, everything a man should be. If I were everything a woman should be there would have been at least a chance that we had made a new life tonight. I wanted his baby in my belly so badly. I knew what I saw in this good looking, virile man; what the Hell was it he saw in this sad barren woman, that was the question? How could I compete with those other women; women who could give him a child? Thankfully his face was buried against my neck and I didn't have to explain my tears to him.

# Chapter Six

I was aware of a voice a very long way away but getting closer. I managed to separate my eyelids and saw Eddie's face hovering upside down above mine. Hmmm, big, lazy smile. I could wake up to this every morning!

"Morning, my lover. I've got to go. If I stay any longer people are going to see the van and your are going to have questions to answer." His expression was ambivalent and I suspected that he would be quite happy for the whole world to see he had spent the night here.

Big sigh, "OK."

"Promise me you'll move into Wayside."

"The things a man will do to rent a house out!"

He laughed. "Promise me?"

"Why's it so important?"

"It's so much more comfortable for you than here. I want my woman somewhere more suitable."

I liked that idea, it thrilled me to hear him call me his woman. "Am I? Your woman?" I teased.

"Don't joke about it. I'm not secure enough yet. You are, aren't you? Mine?"

"Yes. If I take the house, will you stay with me? Can you be with me in the morning sometimes without rushing off?"

"If that's what you want."

"Oh yes! I wish you didn't have to go now." I saw the look on his face. "But you do." I added before he climbed back into bed.

Soft, upside down, goodbye kisses. More soft kisses. More kisses, a little less soft and a little more urgent.

"I really should be going now."

More kisses.

"I am going now."

"Oww. Alright."

"Call you later."

"Better!"

The front door slammed and I heard the engine start. I gave another big sigh and looked at the clock. May as well get up. I sat up and switched the alarm off since it wasn't needed now.

I shuffled into the tiny bathroom and tried to scrub some life in to myself under a hot shower. I wondered what it would feel like to have Eddie's hands, large and strong, wet and soapy, using my body right now. I didn't want to be up, I wanted to be snuggled in bed with Eddie. Feeling a little more lively I pulled my dressing gown on and wandered in to the kitchen. I made a pot of fresh coffee, I was going to need the caffeine this morning.

I was staring absent mindedly out of the kitchen window clutching my second cup when James arrived. He always got to the practice at least half an hour before anyone else. Once out of his car I noticed him stop by the dry patch on the car park and then look up at the flat with a thoughtful expression.

Oh shit, I am so busted!

He went round to the entrance and I went to get dressed. I'd better get there early so if he was going to say anything there wouldn't be anyone else around. I was through the front door ten minutes after him.

"Only me! Anyone want a drink?" I called from reception.

A blond head appeared round the kitchen door. "Already on with it." A finger beckoned. Shit, shit, shit! Reluctantly, I shuffled into the kitchen. I'd had my fun now time to take my lumps.

"Hey James. How are you this morning?"

"Not as good as you."

I tried an 'I don't know what you mean' look but it didn't work.

"Eddie only just left?"

I thought about denying it but then I looked at him.

" 'bout half an hour ago." Damn it! "Things got rather intense." I wasn't sure if it was an explanation or an excuse.

"I'll bet they did." I still couldn't gauge his mood. I desperately did not want to lose my new friend.

"Don't lead him on." It was a plea not a warning.

"I'm not."

"If things don't work out Eddie will take it hard but it will be harder still for him if everyone has seen his truck out there and knows he was with you and got dumped." There was no disguising his genuine concern for his friend.

"Not going to happen."

"He's got his pride and it will make it even more painful if everyone knows he got his heart broken." He's not listening!

"I got it bad."

James raised an eyebrow.

"I got it bad, for Eddie. He was the last thing I wanted and now he's the only thing I want. I'm scared."

I could almost hear James' mental gears grinding as he tried to shove his ideas into reverse. "Why are you scared?"

"Oh, come on! Edward Langsett? Swordsman extrordinaire? Reputation as a bit of a stud? Well, reputation as a lot of a stud since we're being honest. Had more women than I've had hot dinners? He is going to chew me up and spit me out. I know that and I'm going to let him. What could I possibly offer him?"

James opened his mouth and squinted but couldn't quite find the words.

I had to sit down. I saw it all now. Eddie was classic heartbreak material. Dark, saturnine good looks; brooding presence; Knew exactly the right things to say to get past a woman's defences, He had played me like a fiddle. All that 'I want you to want me', it was all bullshit. He just wanted to say that he had tupped the new doctor.

"How could I have been so stupid? I've only been here a few weeks I've made a fool of myself over the local bad boy already." I felt cold and was willing to bet I'd gone as white as a sheet.

"Whoa!" James had found his voice. "Whoa, whoa! Just so we are straight on this, Eddie is besotted with you. Why would you think.....?" and then he checked himself. "Okay, maybe given his rep. But your different. This is different. It's the real deal for him."

"I didn't want him to go. I wanted everyone to see he had spent the night with me. I want people to marvel that this smart, sexy, gorgeous man is mine. Ha, mine. That's what Eddie says when....." I decided now would be a good time to shut up.

"If I didn't know better I'd swear you both have it bad." He snorted in amazement. "This is fantastic!" No mistaking his mood now.

My bleak moment was passing and I could feel a spark of hope again. "Tell me he's not using me. Tell me I'm not another notch on his belt."

"Oh Grace! Did you not hear me say that he's besotted with you? He thinks he's in love with you."

"His words?" An arched brow.

"His words!" Frantic nodding. He passed me my drink.

"He called me 'his woman' this morning." I cradled the cup.

"And how do you feel about that?'

"Ecstatic!" Huge grin.

"I thought, what with you only recently being.... you know.... I thought it might be too soon. I worried you might not be able to feel the same."

"I cannot promise that it will last, or how long it will last. I can promise you that I am absolutely in this for real. Did you really think I was messing with him?"

"Not deliberately. You are a lovely person and I don't think using people is your style but sometimes people just want more than we have to give. I thought you may not be looking for anything more than a post divorce fling and I know Eddie is deadly earnest. I'm stunned he got so serious so soon. When he asked me to get you together..." his voice trailed off as he realised he had just admitted setting me up.

I decided to ignore that last bit. "I wasn't even looking for a fling. Eddie changes things."

James' grin faded. "Has he taken his watch off yet?"

It seemed an odd thing to say in the middle of a rather personal conversation. I tried to remember.

"I don't think so. Why?"

"You need to get him to take his watch off and then you'll understand why I seem a bit overprotective."

James clearly wasn't going to elucidate and I had a horrible feeling I knew what he was talking about. He got up to go to his room. At the door, he turned. "Don't get too hung up on what they say about Eddie. He is not what most people think. Mostly it's just jealousy and small town boredom. Not much to gossip about down here so a good looking guy who used to be a bit wild is an easy target."

And I came to Little Combe for a rest!

.

A girls' Friday night out! I couldn't remember the last time I'd been on one of those. I was so looking forward to it. There were going to be five of us; me, Marilyn, Roisin, Tasha and Helen the Midwife. I hadn't met Helen yet but if she was even half as likable as the others it should be a good evening. Roisin assured me that Friday night in Little Combe was a lively time. People came from all around, from Ilfracombe and Woolacombe down to Bideford in the South. I was a little concerned because it was clear they all intended to get blotto and we'd be surrounded by people we might be treating next week. Not sure what the GMC would have to say about me getting rat arsed in front of patients.It seemed a regular thing though so I was just going to see how it went. The minivan taxi picked me up last. Everyone was glammed up and I did a double take at the girl in the front. It was Roisin just ten years older. "Hi, I'm Helen."

"You must be Roisin's sister."

"Yes! How did you know?"

"Lucky guess." You'll know one of Roisin's when you see them!

We started at the far end of sea front, where it was quieter, at a wine bar called Clementine's. I thought it was rather high end for a boozy night. It was all leather, chrome and potted plants. I eyed the menu longingly. I would definitely be back. I wasn't surprised when, after a glass, we set off down the front, back towards the centre. Next stop was a pub, The Ship. Not as nice as Clementine's and still not the lively atmosphere I'd been expecting. It was a drinkers' pub. No music, no pretensions, just booze. Only one drink there and then we were off again. Next, and final, stop was a surfers' bar called The Shack. It was buzzing. House of Pain's "Jump Around" was throbbing out of the speakers and an improbable number of good looking surfies crowded the bar. Fortunately there were still two tables left at the back so we camped at the corner one. Roisin gave a big, happy sigh. "Fish in a Barrel!"

"Pig in Shit." I replied and she laughed.

The barman, one of the barmen, was a friend of Tasha's so we decided on that essential of female bonding, Margaritas all round, and I went with her to the bar.

"Steve , Grace! Grace, Steve!" She shouted. Steve sported a pony tail and a goatee. He looked like he should be painting pints not pulling them. It was probably my imagination but he looked a little stoned to me.

We smiled at each other and I leant forward and motioned for him to do the same.

"Hi Steve."

"Hi."

"You see that table in the corner?"

"Yeah."

"Nobody on that table pays for anything tonight." I pushed five twenties across the bar. "When that's gone let me know and I'll top it up."

"Dude! Sounds like a wild night. What can I get you?"

"Margaritas!"

"How many?"

"One."

"One?" He looked puzzled.

"One jug to be going on with. And whatever you want to drink."

"That's more like it."

"You can't pay for everything!" Tasha was stunned.

"Make the most of it, I won't be doing it again." I winked.

"Wow, thanks."

A huge pitcher of lurid, green alcoholic nectar and five glasses appeared on the bar. As I took the glasses and Tasha took the jug, she looked at me as if she were reassessing me. "You've done this before, haven't you?"

I tried to look affronted. "Innocent doctor is shocked and hurt that you should think such a thing!"

"Yeah, right!" She hooted. "Innocent doc won't be innocent much longer if she keeps hanging out with Eddie Langsett!"

"Hmm, that reminds me. What's this I hear about you and him?"

Her eyes went wide and for a second she looked nervous.

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. Realising she'd been had, Tasha joined in. "Are you always this evil?"

"Mostly, yes." I admitted and we took our precious pitcher back to the table. Safely seated at the table and sure Marilyn couldn't hear, "So?" I asked Tasha.

She was a little less coy now she knew I wasn't going to get upset about it. "It was just a one time thing." She waved it away dismissively.

"And?"

"Me and Mark had just split up. Again! I was a bit down. We were at a party. He drove me home. One thing led to another. Yadda, yadda, yadda."

"He took advantage of you?!" I was shocked.

"Oh no! I made all the moves. He was lovely."

I started giggling, we both did.

"Nothing more?" I knew I shouldn't but I wanted to know.

Tasha shook her head. "Nah. I'd have been up for a return match but three kids is a lot to take on. Besides I got the impression that even without them, he liked me but wasn't really into me, you know?"

I felt relieved. I'd been there, done that, although after being out of circulation for so long the tshirt was a little small now.

"We never talk about it!" She flicked her eyes towards his mum.

"Ah. She doesn't.....?"

"No!"

"Okay."

Tasha looked at me with a wicked grin. "You're in for a treat."

Not to be outdone, I leaned over and whispered,"How do you know I haven't already?"

The loud shriek made the others at our table, and at a few tables, turn round. Time to change the subject.

Two more jugs of Margaritas later and even Marilyn was smashed. I don't know why, I've tried to analyse it, but a couple of these tequila based tipples and suddenly you love everyone and everyone is your best friend. Nothing else has quite the same effect.

We were cackling like crones over something stupid Lucy had done when Roisin elbowed me. "Ow!" I whined reproachfully. Why would my bestest friend in the whole world ever, my new little sister, do that? She nodded in the direction of the bar. There was a group of six or seven men who had just come in and there was Eddie. You know in the movies when everything suddenly goes into soft focus slow motion, the lights dim and Barry White pipes up? Well, it wasn't quite like that but it should have been. I tried not to drool into my drink.

"Who's his friend? Get me an intro to him! Now!" Roisin was hissing with her head down, hiding behind her hand.

"Uh?" I dragged my eyes from Eddie.

"Tall, guy next to him. Think he's a lifeguard on the beach. I need an intro to that man!" She was blushing furiously.

I looked back. Eddie was tall, probably six two but the guy next to him must have been six four, possibly six five. He was rather handsome too but, pathetic as it sounds, I saw no-one but Ed.

A hand went up and a loud "Cooo-eeee" made the whole bar turn round. Marilyn was waving like a demented thing at him. I just dissolved into giggles again as did everyone else at the table. As he made his way over, Roisin and I were slumped together with our hands clamped over our mouths trying to pull ourselves together. I have to say, we were not doing a good job.

"Hey Mum."

"Eddie!" She shrieked.

He looked at the nearly empty jug and then around the table. We were all sniggering into our hands now like naughty children.

"Oh dear." Was all he said.

"Eddie!" Marilyn shouted again and then launched herself at him to give him a big cuddle. It was even funnier because she was about a foot shorter but he didn't stand a chance. I could see his mates guffawing. He hugged her in return and then firmly put her back on her seat. He looked at me and I got an odd little sideways nod as a greeting.

"Not here keeping tabs on anyone, are we?" Thank you Helen. Subtle as a brick.

He just smiled. If he was at all phased or embarrassed he did not show it.

"I was going to ask if anyone needed a drink but it would seem not."

"Well, bugger off now. This is a girls' night out." Tasha ordered.

He bowed and went back to his friends. It was obvious they were talking about us. The big guy kept glancing over. I vaguely hoped it was something good but after four margaritas I wasn't too concerned.

The music changed and Tasha and Roisin leapt to their feet. "Woo hoo!" There wasn't a dance floor as such, just a bit of a space, but it didn't stop them from twirling and gyrating happily. Helen was resting her head on the table, so that left me with Marilyn who was grinning at me like the proverbial cat. After a few seconds I couldn't stand it anymore.

"What?"

She giggled and her head bobbed about like one of those dogs from the insurance ad.

"What!?"

"He's here to keep an eye on you, you know." She slurred.

"Pardon?"

"Eddie. He's worried you'll meet someone. He reeeaaallllyyy likes you. I can tell. I know these things. I'm his mother!" She said the last word with such gusto I thought she was going to spin round. You're drunk, I thought.

When I'd finished laughing at her, I leaned in conspiratorially and put a hand on her arm. "Just between us," I confided, " Just between us, I really like him too. He has nothing to worry about."

"Really?"

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Smitten." I nodded. "Completely bloody smitten with him!" I'm drunk, I thought.

Marilyn squealed and stomped her feet. I couldn't believe I was saying that to his mother! No more Margaritas for me!

Now it was her turn to impart confidences. "My Eddie..." She began.

"Is a good boy." I finished and we fell about screeching.

"No, no, no. Well, yes but that wasn't what I was going to say."

We sniggered some more.

"No. What I was going to say was..." She had to stop and try to remember for a moment. "What I was going to say was; I worry about my Eddie. He shouldn't be on his own, it's not right." She was now leaving giggly town and entering tearful city, the way drunk people do. "He would be so good to you. Treat you like a princess. Really. You two would make such a lovely couple." Big tears started to trickle. Oh God, please stop her from crying. Not sure what to do I patted her arm. I looked up. Eddie had spotted something amiss and was making his way over. He slid into the seat next to her and put an arm round her.

"Mum, what's up?"

"Don't let this one get away, Eddie." She implored him.

"Mum!"

"I mean it young man!" Young man? "She's lovely."

"Well, I think so."

"I mean it! And she likes you. I'm very drunk, aren't I?"

"Yes Mum." He agreed. "I think you need to go home."

"Yes dear. Call me a taxi would you?"

"You're a taxi!" slurred Helen without lifting her head up.

"And Helen. I think Helen best be heading home too."

The song changed and Roisin and Tasha returned. Roisin gave Helen a shove and she just slid across the table slightly. Roisin roared. Some much for sisterly love!

"I think Marilyn and Helen are going home now."

Tasha checked her watch. "Shit, it's eleven! The baby sitter. I gotta go too."

"Lightweights!' Roisin was disgusted.

"Anyone got a number for a taxi?" I fished my phone from my bag.

"I'll drive you all home." Eddie volunteered.

"I don't want to go." Whined Roisin.

"I can't get all of you in the car at once so why don't you and Grace stay here and I'll come back for you?"

"Sounds better." She was mollified.

Eddie helped Marilyn outside and between us, Tasha and I got Helen up and out. Fortunately, it wasn't far to the pickup. Mazza got the front seat. Tasha climbed in the back after we'd pushed Helen in. Please don't let her puke in Eddie's pride and joy! I closed the door and stood back, ready to wave them off. A hand closed on my elbow and I jumped. I hadn't seen him walk round.

"I'll see you back to the bar."

"It's okay. I feel fine." In truth I did. The cold night air had sobered me up somewhat.

"I WILL see you back to the bar."

"Oh! Okay." I waved as I was marched off.

He stopped me at the door. "I will be back in half an hour." For a moment I thought he was going to say something else but he changed his mind, kissed my cheek and walked off.

Back inside, I saw Roisin had found some friends to chat to. Me on my lonesome then. Steve was trying to get my attention."Hey, thought you'd gone. You still have forty left!" Yeuch, surely we'd drunk more than that!

"Get me an orange juice, twenty for Roisin over there and call the rest a tip."

"You sure?" I could tell he was trying to assess how drunk I was.

"Positive." I met his gaze levelly and he beamed when he realised I was still in possession of my faculties.

I got my OJ and sipped it. There was a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and looked up. And up. It was the really tall guy that had come in with Eddie; the one Roisin had been so desperate to meet.

"Hi, I'm Mick. Eddie's mate."

"Hi. What accent is that?'

"Australian. You're Grace, right?"

I nodded and we shook hands.

"Yeah. Eddie's talked about you."

"Oh yes? And what's he been saying?" Please don't let orchards have been mentioned.

Mick laughed. "All Good stuff."

"You have me at a disadvantage. Why don't you tell me a bit about Mick from Australia?"

We chitchatted for a few minutes. He'd come over the summer before. When summer was over (how can you tell in England?) he'd decided to stay a while longer. Originally from Sydney. Aged 29. Currently single. Hmm, I knew someone who would be very interested to learn that. Speaking of whom, I could see her staring at me with ill disguised interest.

"Why don't you come and meet the rest of the crew while you wait for Ed?"

I have to admit I was curious to see how he introduced me. "Sure."

He put an arm round my shoulders and steered me over to his friends.

"Hey guys. This is Eddie's friend, Grace." Well, it was preferable to being 'Eddie's latest conquest.'

I was half expecting some wisecrack but they seemed a genuine bunch, polite and friendly. A couple of them were fellow lifeguards but they were all into surfing, sailing and generally mucking about in the sea. I was aware that there was still an arm round my shoulders but since it was warm in the bar and I was suddenly extremely tired I suspected that he might be holding me up. My head was so heavy. I closed my eyes, put my head down and rubbed the bridge of my nose. I felt the arm snap away from me and looked up. Eddie had just walked in and he was looking daggers at Mick.

"Hey Ed, just introducing your Sheila to the boys."

Tired and inebriated I may have been but even I was aware that several conversations had stopped and people were gawping at me. I tried not to look pissed. Mick had obviously said the right thing and the tension went out of Eddie. He came to stand next to me whilst I carried on chatting to his friends. He took my hand and I squeezed his. One of them, Phil I think he was called, asked him something about the Hilux; Eddie began to chat happily about his beloved vehicle.

I was content to stand there and let the conversation wash over me. A new song came on; Marc Bolan, 'Get It On' .

"I love this song!" I told no-one in particular and started to bob about in time. Eddie must have thought I was going to fall over because he put his arms round me. I carried on wiggling against him to the beat and humming to myself. Mick turned his head to see me moving so I gave him a big, happy grin. He returned it and went back to the conversation. I could feel Eddie's breath in my ear as he chuckled. I could almost hear him thinking 'Mine' and I rubbed against him a little harder. I think we were both sorry when the music changed.

After a while I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

I whispered in Eddie's ear, "That offer of a ride home still open?"

"Tired?" He whispered back.

"Shattered!"

"Better see if Roisin's coming or staying with her mates."

Roisin! "Do you think you could introduce her to Mick?"

"Not sure I would introduce a nice girl to Mick!"

I must have seemed taken aback because he looked surprised, as if it were obvious. I decided I would study Mick a bit more closely, but another time.

"I want to go home please. I can barely keep my eyes open."

Although he still had his face close to mine I saw him focus in the distance as if he were thinking about something. What ever it was, he appeared to make up his mind and he looked back at me. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"What sort of dumbass question is that?" and I kissed him.

"Aw guys! Get a hotel room!" Joked Mick.

I knew I was blushing but whether it was Mick's teasing or Eddie's kiss I couldn't say. I looked for Roisin and motioned that we were going, was she wanting a lift or was she staying. She mouthed she was staying.

"Okay, Roisin doesn't want a lift we can go whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready."

I leaned towards Mick and put a hand on his bicep. Oooo, muscly. "Hey Mick. See my friend Roisin over there? Blonde, blue eyes, Bench top."

He looked round and then nodded.

"She's had a few margaritas tonight and I'm a bit concerned about leaving her. Just keep an eye on her, okay? Just to make sure she's alright."

"Sure."

I caught Eddie's gaze and I knew he was thinking 'sneaky bitch' with a grudging admiration. All he said was "Let's go."

As we walked to his truck, I was feeling unsteady on my feet. It was nearly midnight and I had drunk way too much. I was aching to be in bed asleep. If Eddie was feeling horny he was going to have to take me whilst I was sleeping or wait until morning. Knowing him probably both.

He opened the passenger door and helped me in, which involved a fair amount of snogging. When he was in the driver's seat he hesitated before he started the engine.

"Tonight you stay at mine and tomorrow we move you into Wayside." It wasn't a question.

I opened my eyes which were stinging like I'd been maced. "Okay. Whatever makes my man happy makes me happy." I very much liked the idea of Eddie being my man.

He was relieved I wasn't arguing. The engine roared into life and we were on our way to Eddie's. The last thing I remember was thinking that at least Helen hadn't been sick in the back.

# Chapter Seven

I must have fallen asleep on the way. Next thing I knew I woke up next to Eddie in bed. It was morning and we were both naked. I tried to remember how I got here but couldn't. I didn't feel like I'd had sex. I thought I might need to pee but couldn't be bothered to get out of bed so I lay there and admired Eddie. Bedsheets thrown off; totally naked; except for his watch. Something James had said fluttered into my consciousness. I had thought I knew what he was getting at but I needed to be sure. My bladder was getting more insistent so reluctantly I rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. When I got back I tried to slip under the covers without waking Eddie up. A partial success, he didn't wake up but he rolled over. And in case I had any doubts about whether it was morning.....!

I had dozed off again and was woken by Eddie stroking my face. He looked relaxed and still sleepy. "Morning, my lover."

I cast an eye downwards, "Yup." I confirmed.

He laughed. Then he leant forwards and whispered, "I want to make love."

I smiled. All things considered I felt pretty good. No headache, no nausea. Yes, I was definitely up for a little Eddie loving. I was lying on my front and his hands running down my back and stroking my bum were heavenly. "Hmmm, that just feels sooooo fantastic." After a while I thought that it was Eddie's go to lie back and be caressed. "Your turn," and I rolled over to sit up. Eddie lay face down and I knelt over the backs of his thighs so I could touch him from his world class buttocks to his broad shoulders. As I worked my hands over his back there was an occasional contented "Hmmm." When I leaned over to rub his neck and shoulders I made sure my boobs rubbed and pressed against his back: sometimes squashed against him, sometimes just my excited nipples brushing his skin. I noticed the "Hmmm"s were getting louder and longer.

"Turn over, Baby." I knelt up off his legs so he could.

OMG! The man was just stunning. It's a fact most men do not appreciate and most women do not advertise but if a woman is in love she will naturally rate her partner's 'equipment' as significantly bigger than he really is. When did you last hear a woman say ' I love him but he's tiny'? When your partner is a big boy to start with the effect is eye watering. If he had flaws I was blind to them. Thighs and hips, slim but strong; stomach flat but not overdone; chest amazing, hairy but not too hairy, nicely muscled but not straying into moob territory; shoulders broad and strong; neck and throat long and made for kissing; arms long and muscular, made for holding. I wondered what the real Eddie looked like: the one I would have seen were I not looking through the lens of sexual obsession. I must have been lost in a fog of admiration for a while.

"Everything okay?"

"You are just perfect."I sighed and he laughed. He put his arm up over his head and my attention was drawn to his watch with its wide leather cuff. It was the style a lot of beach bums wore, rugged and outdoorsy.

"You've still got your watch on."

"Yeah, I never take it off." I noticed he moved his arm down to his chest and his other hand went over it protectively.

"Take it off now, Eddie. Please."

For a moment he looked defensive, as if he was going to refuse. Nervously, he held his arm out wrist side up so the buckle was uppermost. "You do it."

I already knew in my heart what was under it but I was still shaken when I slipped the watch off; I saw the big, ugly, silver scar and recognised its meaning. His face was a mix of emotions, fear that I would think him weak or stupid, resignation because he had known I would see it eventually, relief that it was out in the open. I put his wrist to my lips and softly kissed his scar before I held it to my cheek and closed my eyes. When I had composed myself I looked at him and put my other hand to his face.

"Why?"

It wasn't something he could explain.

"You'd never try it again, would you? Please tell me you wouldn't."

He couldn't answer me. I was now majorly frightened.

"Promise me!"

Still no answer. He looked ashamed and scared. A realisation came to me that shocked me as much as his mutilated wrist.

Quietly I persisted. "Eddie, you MUST promise me you will never do anything like this again."

"I can't." A tiny voice, dripping with misery.

"You MUST! I can hardly begin to imagine the pain that drove you to do that, but I know its the same pain I would feel if I lost you. If you....." I couldn't bring myself to say it. " If you .... were successful, I'm not sure I could .... go on. Promise me Eddie!"

"Promise me you won't leave me."

I understood the subtext but he spelt it out anyway.

"If you left me it wouldn't be a cry for help this time. I would finish it."

"I promise you. Now you must promise me."

"I promise."

The idea of sex forgotten, I lay next to him and held him. I stroked his hair and his face. I kissed his nose and his forehead and his eyelids. A small voice inside me said that this wasn't normal, this wasn't healthy, it was too intense too soon; he wasn't just damaged goods he was irretrievably broken goods and I should run whilst I could or he might very well be the end of me too. It was answered by a still smaller voice which just said 'too late, too late' forlornly.

A pair of brown eyes flickered open, no pain now just mischief. "So?"

"So?" I returned.

He licked his lips. "I believe I was getting a massage."

You are going to get more than that matey boy, but I just smiled at him.

Eddie started to pull me on top of him but I shook my head.

"You on top baby. I'm just too quick when I'm on top. I'm spent and too tender to touch before you're even warmed up."

"It makes that much difference?"

"Oh God, yes! It's embarrassingly easy when I'm on top."

"Cool. I need to remember that." He looked impressed but I wasn't sure if it was with me or himself. A big, cheesy smile crossed his face. " So then, what do you want this morning?"

My turn to smile. "I fancy long and slow."

"I can do that." And he did.

.

Finally we got up and dressed. Eddie cremated bacon sandwiches and they were fabulous. I was so hungry I would probably have wrestled the pig live to the ground and started chewing its leg. I texted the others, yes, everyone had got home safely. Roisin complained I'd woken her up; Tasha had just sent back "Bet you smilin this mornin. LOL.' We sat about and chatted for a while before Eddie suggested we go to the supermarket and then move my stuff. I'd only known him two weeks and already I was hopelessly enamoured and we were doing our first "couply" shopping. The pace of life was supposed to be slower here but boy, were things moving fast! I half wondered if it was too fast but there was nothing I could have done about it anyway.

At least there wasn't much to pack. I still had stuff at home in Yorkshire. No, not home, not any more, I remembered with a pang. There was still stuff at the house in Yorkshire. Aled and I had parted on good enough terms that I knew it would still be safe and untouched in the attic where I left it; and then when I was settled somewhere getting it back would not be an issue.

.

Late morning we wandered, loved up, round the supermarket and generally made the other shoppers feel nauseous with our touchy feely, newly in love antics. On the way back I figured out how to play my iPod through the Hilux's stereo and was amazed by how much of the same music we liked. The soundtracks to our childhoods had been very similar; The Undertones - 'Teenage Kicks'; The Vapours - 'Turning Japanese'. We even liked a lot of the same more recent stuff although he leaned more towards indie than me, I guess that was the influence of his trendy, young surfing buddies. Eddie was the only other person I'd met who knew all the words and we sang all the way home. I hate to think what we looked like.

We took the shopping to Wayside and while he put it away I took the Clio to the flat and loaded up my stuff. When I got back Eddie was waiting to help me put that away too. I figured he was actually looking forward to going through my stuff but I understood. We knew so little about each other I would have killed for a similar window into his psyche. I looked at my pile of junk on the bed. A box set of True Blood DVD's; a few medical textbooks; some make up and jewellery; my laptop; clothes and a small photo album. Not much to show for my time on this planet. Like a guided missile, Eddie hit on the photo album.

"May I?"

I sat on the bed and patted it next to me. We huddled together and as he turned the pages I explained about each picture. There were a couple of me as a little girl; one with pigtails and one where I appeared to have some poor, unfortunate pony in a head lock. One picture of my dad and me on a beach. One or two class pictures from school. A graduation photo. A photo of my first car, a little blue 1.1 Fiesta. A picture of Aled and me at a party when we were happy together. Lastly a picture of Janie and the kids taken on a picnic this summer.

"No pictures of your mum?"

"No. It's complicated."

He filed that piece of intel away for future use.

"That...your ex?" He flipped to the party picture.

"Yes, that's Aled."

"Nice looking guy."

"You're not his type." We both thought of that evening at James' and laughed.

"No wedding photo's?"

"No. I always hated my wedding photo's even when we were happily married. They were just like everyone else's; so staged and artificial. I kept that one because it was spontaneous. Janie just picked up her phone and snapped it. It's not the best quality but it was real. A reminder of happier times."

Eddie looked thoughtful. He turned the last page. "And this is Janie?"

"Yup. That's her husband, Paul. The kids are Joshua, Ellie, Patrick and Little Georgie."

"Those all the photo's you have?"

"Oh no! I have boxes and boxes at home. In Yorkshire," I corrected myself. "These are just the ones that mean something to me. Remind of where I've been, where I'm going."

"There are a few empty pages left. Do you think a picture of me will make it in there?"

"Do you want it to?"

"Very much."

"Then I should imagine it will. You strike me as a man who gets what he wants."

He snorted. "Let's hope so." He had an endearing habit of looking at his feet when he wasn't completely sure of himself. I ran a finger down the back of his neck and he shivered.

"Hungry?" I asked and he nodded. "What do you fancy?"

"No cooking tonight. It's Saturday. How about pizza? There a decent place does delivery."

"Sounds perfect."

Saturday evening found me full to bursting with pizza and wrapped around Eddie whilst we watched 'Alien'. Perhaps not the best film to watch on a full stomach. We were snuggled up on couch; just touching and kissing. Eddie was such an amazing kisser. He was working my mouth, his tongue sliding in and out. I could feel his breathing speed up and the bulge in his jeans was impossible to miss. He had his right arm around and underneath me but that still allowed his left hand to stroke,tease and squeeze where ever he wanted. I felt his hand on my breast squeezing and pulling. He cupped it and took my nipple between his thumb and finger, working it tenderly through the material as it stiffened. Eddie pulled away a little so he could undo the buttons of my shirt. I was so relieved I'd put on one of my sexy bras not one of my rather dowdy but comfortable work bras. It occurred to me that if I was lucky I might also be grateful I was wearing the matching sexy knicks.

Eddie's smile told me it had been a good decision. He had to roll off the couch to take his Tshirt off. As he knelt on the floor he pulled me up so I was sat facing him. He now had both hands free to caress my boobs. His rough builders hands were skilled, stroking and teasing. His shoulders and arms were so sexy I couldn't stop myself from running my hands over them. Broad and strong, I caressed them with desire and wonder. First one bra strap was slipped off as he trailed kisses down my neck and across my shoulder, then the other. Eddie leant down so he could rub his face against my breasts and cover them with soft kisses. I put my hands on his head and they disappeared in his thick, dark hair.Then he reached around me to undo the bra. The strength and warmth of his arms touched something primal in me. A hushed "Oh yes," escaped my lips and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. Somewhere in my mind it registered that he had undone the hooks like a pro. My hormones suggested I worry about it later. Bra unhooked and discarded, Eddie began to suck and lick at one nipple whilst his fingers pulled and teased the other. The sensations and being able to watch Eddie at play were almost unbearable. Involuntarily I arched my back and moaned, grabbing his hair with my fists. He looked up and smiled, Then he changed sides and continued to pleasure me.

Eventually he drew back and straightened up. He had a big, lazy smile all over his face.

"Pull your skirt up," he ordered and I obeyed. He positioned me so I was sat on the edge of the seat with my skirt around my waist and my legs spread wide for him. He gently stroked the thin material covering my crotch. Then he stopped and looked up. He cocked his head to one side. "Do you want me?"

I nodded. The soft, dark hair on his chest entranced me.

Eddie reached out and lifted my face so I had no choice but to look away from his chest and in to his eyes. "You have to say it." He kept his finger tips on my face.

"Yes!" I breathed. He nodded to indicate 'and the rest of it'. "Yes I want you." It felt like that had been dragged out of me.

He leaned forward to whisper in my ear, "Are you wet for me? Say it. Yes Eddie...."

I closed my eyes. "Yes Eddie, I am wet for you." Easier this time.

"Look at me and say it."

So I opened my eyes and found myself staring into his intense brown eyes. To my astonishment I heard myself whisper desperately "Oh yes Eddie! I am so wet for you!"

"Let's see shall we?" he suggested. Then he pulled the crotch of my panties to the side with one hand and pushed the middle finger of his other inside me. He pushed hard and really moved it around so that I whimpered.

"Oh yes, my lover. Is that because of me? Have I done that to you?"

With his finger still inside me I nodded. I felt dirty, humiliated, sexy and aroused all at the same time.

Eddie pulled his finger out and I was mesmerised as he sucked it in front of me. Then he stood up and dropped his jeans. He was standing naked in front of me with his erection level with my face and I still didn't see how all that would fit in me even though I knew it had. With one hand behind my head and the other guiding his magnificent cock he rubbed the tip of it over my lips. I parted them slightly, expecting, wanting him to push himself inside but he continued just to rub the sensitive helmet over my willing mouth.

"Now, we have something to discuss," he crooned looking down at me, watching his manhood teasing me. Eddie was as aroused as I was. His cheeks were flushed and it spread down his neck and chest. His lips looked swollen as his body prepared to perform. His eyes almost closed. His accent strong. "I need you to be my woman. Do you want that?"

I nodded as much as I could without taking my lips from his cock.

"Good. Now I need you to promise that no other man will touch you."

I nodded.

"Oh come on! You know you have to say all of it!" Eddie pushed himself into my mouth and thrust in and out a few times to tease me. I tried to push my head forwards and take more of him into my mouth, desperate to suck and lick him, but his hand on the back of my head gripped my hair and stopped me from moving.

"I promise you Eddie, no other man will touch me,"

He pushed me back so I was lying down on the couch and then half stood half knelt over me and put his enormous erection at the entrance to my vagina, ready to penetrate me. He pushed the tip inside me. I was already breathing heavily. He gripped my hips with his strong hands so I couldn't move and slowly and gently started thrusting his tip inside me, just an inch or two, just enough to make me gasp with need. "You have to take all of me. No barriers between us."

I nodded. At this point I would have agreed to anything to have him. My common sense had decided from day one that it wasn't even prepared to be in the same room as him. Eddie spread my legs further and held me apart as he began to push further inside. About halfway in I cried out."Stop, please Eddie, stop. Too much!" He stopped and we lay there panting whilst I waited for the intensity to become bearable.Then he slowly pushed further until all of him was inside me. I thought I was going to tear. It had been easier this morning, less hurried.

"Are you alright? I'm not hurting you?" Eddie was concerned.

I now understood his need to shout 'Mine!' when we made love. "Do it!" I pleaded. "I want you to hurt me, Fuck me hard , oh please, hard."

And he did. Eddie Langsett fucked me so hard I knew I would be sore for days but I could hear myself begging him not to stop. I could hear him grunting as he humped. He was so turned on it wasn't going to last long so he put his finger tips to my clit and started teasing it. He was on the verge of orgasm. "Beg for it!" he hissed "Loud, beg for it."

I was climaxing and lost control. "Yes Eddie!Yes! Please. Fuck me. No other man Eddie I promise. Just you. Oh!" He was rubbing my clit rhythmically as he thrust deep inside and I came deliciously. As my orgasm receded I became aware that Eddie was climaxing on top of me. "Mine, mine, mine, mine ..." he was shouting as he pounded me. Eddie started moaning and I could feel his cock throbbing inside me when he finally came. He collapsed, spent, on top of me. "Mine. My lover," he murmured.

# Chapter Eight

I awoke Sunday morning with a pressing need to pee. I slid gently out from under the duvet trying not to wake Sleeping Beauty. In the short time it took me to find the bathroom my need had escalated from 'need to pee' to 'puddle on floor imminent'. Gratefully I sank on to the loo. I was less grateful as I began to pass barbed wire instead of water. "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" was all I could manage as my eyes began to well up. My poor, bruised nether regions! I tried to remember the list of out-of-hours pharmacies pinned to the noticeboard at work. When I finished I gently dried my bits and washed my hands. Then I filled the sink with cold water and splashed my shaken looking face with it. My dressing gown was hung up on the back of the door so I put it on and gingerly made my way down to the kitchen. I rifled the cupboards until I found pint glass which I filled with cold water before making my way back to the bedroom. Eddie was awake and sat up in bed. "I could wake up to this every morning," he said with a huge grin. He looked so happy. I put the glass on the cabinet and crawled back into bed besides him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I replied, a bit feebly I must admit.

"You don't sound fine." Concern crept into his voice. "You're not sorry about last night are you? You're not regretting... me?" Concern was being replaced by alarm.

"Not in the way you mean. I don't suppose you have a hot water bottle?"

He cocked his head to one side. "You have Honeymoon Cystitis!" His tone was mischievous and a little amused.

"And cranberry juice? Lots of cranberry juice. I don't suppose you have any of that either?"

Eddie bounced out of bed and pulled last night's jeans on. I noticed he didn't bother with underwear. Hmmm, commando! Major turn on. Down girl! You are in no state to do anything about it, you are pissing razor blades this morning! Looking around he couldn't find his tshirt and then he remembered and went downstairs whistling. OMG, he's a morning person! This could be a deal breaker. Having found where he had discarded his top he bounded back upstairs several steps at a time. He leapt onto the bed like an exuberant puppy. He wiggled into his shirt and socks and then collapsed happily next to me. "There's a chemist in the supermarket in Barnstable. I can get you a hot water bottle, plenty of cranberry juice and some of those sachets of powder there. I'll be about an hour." He was positively beaming.

"Before you go, Eddie, there is something I need to say." I took a deep breath. "I know you have a past. I know that past includes plenty of women. Now, call me old fashioned, but I am a little concerned that causing a woman to have raging cystitis seems to be such a regular thing for you that you know exactly what to get and where to get it from."

Eddie kissed me. "Jealous, my lover?"

I thought about last night. "Frankly, yes."

Eddie kissed me again: long and slow and deep this time. "Don't be. You have nothing to be jealous about. My mum has been a doctors receptionist for nearly forty years and I know considerably more about cystitis, piles, prostate problems and symptoms of the menopause than I want to!" He kissed me again and then bounded off the bed, down the stairs and out to his truck. Bet family mealtimes were a scream at his house!

.

Monday morning came and, although the sachets and juice were working their magic, I was still a little fragile. I had a large bottle of water in my room which I had picked up at the petrol station on the way in and if anyone noticed that I was popping to the loo more than usual they did not pass comment. All the same it was a major relief when lunchtime came. Thank God, it was not my turn to do home visits! I stopped at the reception desk on my way back from getting more bottled water. Roisin and Marilyn were working that day and I asked how their weekends had gone after Friday. Roisin had been to a new club in Barnstable with her friends and got absolutely hammered, again: Marilyn hadn't done much.

"Did you move in to the house?" she inquired.

"Yeah, got it sorted." I nodded. Play it cool, no big deal, don't grin like an idiot or jump up and down and squeal excitedly.

"Oh, I am glad! Far more suitable than that dingy flat." Happy that she had done good, Marilyn went back to her computer screen.

Flush with relief at having 'got away with it' I turned to go to my consulting room but caught my handbag on the corner of the desk. It ripped the bag from my grasp and sent the contents rolling across the carpet. I dropped to the floor and scrambled to retrieve my stuff. The two receptionists got up to help. I grabbed most of it. A lipstick rolled to a stop at Marilyn's feet. She handed it back. To my horror the packet of Cymalon skidded to a halt right next to Roisin's chair. She picked it up and held it out before she realised what it was and then a big, knowing smile spread across her face.

"Aww, busted!" She announced with considerable relish. I hoped Marilyn hadn't noticed, having already established the nothing escaped her beady eye. How was I going to explain this one. 'Oh yeah, Eddie was banging me so hard this weekend I have raging cystitis', I didn't think so!

"Roisin," I began indignantly, " Some women get cystitis just because...." I searched for something to say. "Just because they do!" I finished defiantly. I looked at her, daring her to say anything else but she stayed quiet. I could tell she was thinking ' yeah, and some of them get it because they have spent all weekend shagging Eddie Langsett!' I could feel myself blushing so with as much dignity as I could muster I took my Cymalon and flounced off to my consulting room taking great care not to meet Marilyn's owlish gaze. When I got to my room, in the middle of my monitor there was already an instant from Roisin's workstation. "You lucky bitch ;-P"

.

Things were going well with Eddie. I'd seen him every night for a fortnight. It felt like he had moved into Wayside with me. Everything was moving so fast yet it didn't feel rushed; it just felt natural and right. Surgery was over and everyone prepared to go home. I sat down at my computer to finish my referral letters. After about 5 minutes an instant appeared from Roisin's station. It read:-

There is a patient at desk to see you who needs some urgent attention! Mwahmwahooooooh ( That is me trying to type kissy smoochy noises)

I laughed and hit delete. 10...9...8...7 There was a knock on the door then Eddie stuck his head round. "Heard Cinders needs a carriage. What's up with the Clio?"

"Warning light came on so Steve is having a look at it. James was going to run me home."

Eddie smiled.

"Ah! So that's how you know!" I sighed and gestured to the computer. "I've just got one more letter to finish and then I am all yours. Take a seat."

He wandered in and thrust a handful of paper at me as he plonked himself down. "Roisin said to give you these." It was the print outs of the letters I had already done so I put my mark on them and chucked them in the 'out' tray. Turning back to the computer I resumed my two fingered tapping and my chauffeur settled back to wait. Another instant appeared, from Marilyn's station this time:-

We are going. Will lock doors after us. See you tomorrow!

I tried to type faster but just ended up making more mistakes. We so needed a dictation service! After a few minutes the atmosphere in the room subtly changed. Eddie was restless as he sat waiting. "Nearly done," I reassured him. He shrugged. Just a couple of more sentences and I pressed print. I leant back and looked closely at my companion. There was something intense about him, something in his expression I couldn't quite put my finger on. Then the penny dropped. "Edward Peter Langsett, are you feeling horny?"

"Yes," He raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"

"I'm at work!"

"I could be your patient. I could have a problem that only you can help me with."

I had to laugh. The man was shameless.

Eddie leant forward and took my hand. "I have a problem, doctor. A really personal," he paused for effect and looked me straight in the eye, "intimate problem. I think you should examine me."

"All things in good time,sir." Stifled giggle. "I think you'd better tell me your symptoms first. What exactly is the problem?"

"It's my John Thomas, Doctor." He was doing a better job of keeping a straight face than I was.

"Go on."

"Well, I think it's broken."

"What makes you think that, Mr Langsett?"

"Just can't get him to work. Do you think you could take a look?"

Alright, I was getting into my role now. "Hmmm, sounds like I should. If it's not fixed quickly this sort of thing just gets worse. Still, we should have him up and running in no time."

"I would be so grateful, Doctor!"

"I see from your records that it has been a while since your last physical, Mr Langsett. Perhaps I should examine all of you whilst I am at it?"

"Whatever you think best. I shall just do as I am told." Huge grin.

"Eddie, you are going to get me struck off!" I shook my head.

"Oooh, I am having palpitations. I'd best let you listen to my chest!" In one swift movement his big jumper and tshirt were deposited on the floor.

"Oh no, sir! In the examination room, please. This way."

I flicked the light on in the adjoining room where the padded table was. "You can put your clothes on the chair and then pop yourself on here." I patted the centre of the bed. "Give me a shout when you are ready."

Back in the consulting room I tried to pull myself together. What the Hell was I doing? This was mucho naughty.

"Ready, Doctor!"

I returned to the room and there was Eddie stretched out stark naked on the examination table with his hands behind his head.

"Urm, may be I should take your blood pressure?"

"Why?"

"It's probably high - you look a little flushed."

"Not as flushed as you!"

"Lets start by listening to your chest, shall we?"

My hands were shaking as I removed a stethascope from its packet and placed the end against Eddie's chest.

"You could at least warm it first."

"Nobody likes a whiney patient." I warned.

"Sorry doctor."

"Have you any other symptoms? Does it hurt anywhere?" I started to run my hands over his body.

"Oh, everywhere."

"Here?"

He made mock noises of pain.

"Here?"

"Aargh!"

"Aargh? Really? And here?"

"Agony, doctor."

"What about this?" I leant over and softly kissed him where his neck ran into his shoulder. Oh but he smelt fantastic!

"I think that might have made me a little bit better."

"And this?" I kissed his ear and gently pulled on the lobe with my lips.

"It's a miracle, doctor. I think you may have found a cure."

"Hmmm, this could take a while. You will have to keep really still whilst I work." I whispered.

"Oh yes, Doctor! Whatever you say!" And so Eddie lay motionless whilst I covered his whole body with soft, gentle kisses. Or at least, most of him did.

"Praise be! I am cured! Thank you, Doctor."

"Let's not be too hasty. I'd better make sure." I ran a hand up the inside of his thigh and on to his 'John Thomas'. "Oh no!" I cried dramatically. " No pulse! There is only one thing for it!"

Eddie looked at me quizzically.

"I will have to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation to him."

He closed his eyes and sighed.

# Chapter Nine

Friday again. Just today to get through and then another working week was done. The morning was rather traumatic. My patients had included a woman of my age trying to come to terms with a still birth; her first, and realistically only, pregnancy. My own futile attempts to conceive, the Clomid, the IVF, the almost suicidal disappointment each time my periods started were all brought back to me. I ran seriously late but she struck a cord in me that I couldn't ignore. I did all the doctor stuff I was supposed to do but professional detachment was difficult and as she talked and cried I struggled not to hug her. She was such a lovely person. She would have been a wonderful mother. It was heart breaking.

By the time I finally broke for lunch it was too late to go get a sandwich so I trudged to the kitchen to make a coffee. With any luck I might be able to find a biscuit or two. I was lost in thought just stirring my decaff round and round when James wandered in. He had finished on time and nipped out to the local butty bar. Leaning round me he deposited a cheese salad on white in front of me.

"Penny for them. Well, more of a sandwich for them really."

"Oh James! You are a truly wonderful human being!" I was pathetically grateful.

He stood next to me and opened his sandwich. "Marilyn's idea. She said you were a bit behind."

"Well, thank you anyway."

"What are you and Eddie up to this evening?"

"Ed's away with some of his surf buds. Just me and a bottle of red tonight."

"Fancy company?"

"You and Raj?"

"No, just me. Raj is up in London for some cardiology thing."

"Cosy. I would love it."

James smiled and nodded.

"Want to do take away?" I asked.

"Well, now you mention it, there's a new Thai place just opened in Overcombe and the reviews are pretty good. Fancy giving it a try?"

"Aww yeah! "

"I'll pick you up at 7?"

"Fantastic." He had really brightened up my day.

"So dinner with your handsome friend instead of your handsome boyfriend."

I laughed. " James, you are lovely. Trust me, if you were straight Eddie would have serious competition."

He blushed. "Well, got some stuff to do so I will see you tonight." Then he wandered off.

.

Punctual as ever, James rang the door bell at 7. To my surprise he was in a taxi. "I fancied a few beers and thought you probably would too." We sat together in the back and chatted animatedly about our day on the way to the restaurant. We spoke in that slightly cryptic way that becomes instinctive in doctors used to balancing respect for the patient and their confidentiality with the human need to bond and be reassured that we are good at our job. The table was booked so when we arrived there was just time to grab a drink at the bar. Once drinks were in hand, I perched, legs crossed, on a bar stool whilst James stood. Our arrival seemed to cause a bit of a stir at one table in particular, with frantic whispering and feathers visibly ruffled. "Went to school with them," he offered by way of explanation. "Gay doctor out with strange woman. It will give them something to talk about for weeks."

"What do you mean, baby? I'm not strange." I simpered through my eyelashes and, making sure they could see, I stretched my foot out and ran it up and down his leg. He turned slightly so they couldn't see him laugh and then put an arm around me and looked down at me manfully. "Trust me my darling, you are definitely strange. With a hint of wickedness and, I suspect, a proclivity for shenanigans."

I gazed up at him adoringly. "Bet you can't spell that."

The waiter coughed nervously, not wanting to interrupt the 'amorous couple' but ready to show us to our table. James grabbed my hand and giggling we crossed the restaurant.

By 7:30 we were sat at the table and our order had been taken. He was always great company but tonight James was particularly on form. I think we were both enjoying our freedom. We gossiped and set the world to rights through the starters and the main.

"Pudding?"

"No thanks. I quite fancy a coffee and a brandy though."

"Think I'll join you."

We began to talk about James and Raj. He told me how they met, that they had broken up once for a while but got back together. He told me how Raj's parents had pretty much disowned him when he told them about James. He wasn't sure what had upset them most; that their son was gay or that his boyfriend was white. He tried to make light of it but I could tell it bothered him. He ordered another brandy each.

"So, how are things with you and Eddie?" The problem with James was that he was one of those people who are so easy to talk to that, unless you are careful, you find yourself telling them far more than you should. After a good quantity wine and then the brandy I was in no state to be careful.

"Good." I nodded.

"He loves you, you know. I mean completely besotted."

I must have looked sceptical.

James put a hand on mine. Not for the first time I thought it must be difficult to be a good friend to both of us and marveled at how easy he made it look.

"You don't look as pleased about that as most women would. What's the problem?"

"There's a problem?"

He gave me a look and a smile."How's the sex?"

"Yeah, great."

"Aha! So the sex is the problem."

"No! Yes. Not really." I couldn't believe the conversation we were having.

"Well that covers just about everything." He was loving this.

"It's just...."

"Yes?"

Damn it! How does he do that? "I've been with Eddie two months and I've done things with him I didn't do in ten years of marriage."

"And that's a problem?"

"I'm not sure."

"Does he hurt you?" James was very matter of fact.

"No."

"Does he do things you don't like or are uncomfortable with?"

"No,"

"Do you want things he doesn't like or isn't comfortable with?"

"No!"

"Well then?"

"He's just so experienced. I am worried he will find me a bit boring."

"Not going to happen sister."

"Stuff that is new to me seems so natural and normal for him."

James laughed. "Oh you sooooooo have that wrong."

"What do you mean?"

He laughed again. "Look, I not going to break confidences but I think if you talk to him you'll find everything; the sex, the feelings, the sense of belonging; it's all new for our Edward too."

"You are so sensible sometimes."

The conversation drifted to safer topics like who we could fix Roisin up with and if there had ever been anything going on with Stuart and Marilyn. Stupid, childish, silly stuff but it was a great way to blow off steam.

When the brandies were finished we split the bill and strolled arm in arm along the little harbour to the taxi rank. There were several waiting so we climbed in the first, grateful to be out of the cold, and in ten minutes we were back at mine.

"Come in? It's only just ten, there's a rather decent house red, a choice of spare rooms and I can run you home in the morning."

"I can resist anything but temptation."

We climbed out and I turned to pay the driver who took his money with a leer and a wink. I laughed but didn't bother to put him right.

I'd forgotten to put the outside light on when I left. The steps to the house were steep and dark and we were a little drunk so it was slow going and there was quite a bit of cursing and giggling. Just as well there were no immediate neighbours.

Inside I went to get the wine while James tried to find something worth watching on telly. By the time I came back he had given up and was rifling the DVD collection. Something caught his eye. "Oh ho, classic!"

"What you found?"

" 'The Thing', Kurt Russell version."

"Oh yeah! Put it on!"

So we sipped and watched in companionable silence. When the movie was over we were both pretty shitfaced.

"I have to know, the night that Eddie rang up so upset; what was it he did?"

"How much did he tell you?" Stalling for time.

"Not much. He said he'd got a little drunk, which in itself is odd. Can't say I have seen him drink more than a pint in years. He said you'd been round to his place; it was really nice and then he ruined it all. He was rambling a bit but the gist was you wouldn't want to see him again. Kept muttering something about the orchard and that he'd messed up. He wanted some advice on how to put it right but ....." James shrugged and peered expectantly at me.

"I blew him, okay?"

"Blew. You mean as in 'blow job'? In the orchard? Al fresco?"

I gave him my best 'do not push it' look.

He roared with incredulous laughter. "Way to go girlfriend!"

"Look, I had never drunk 'proper' cider before and he's a good looking guy and he put it on a plate. What was I supposed to do?"

"I am not judging!" He put his hands up in mock surrender. "I'd have done the same."

"Have you ever?" I asked with eyes like saucers.

"Have I ever what? Had open air sex?" giggling but evasive.

"Blown Eddie?"

"No! Certainly not. He's my best friend." He appeared thoughtful for a moment and waited until I had a mouthful of wine. "I have kissed him though."

I had to spit the wine out before it came back down my nose.

"Come on. Details!"

James was smiling but quieter. "It was when he came back from the army. I got a call, again, that he was in a state and could I pick him up. When I got to the pub they said he'd gone to the beach and from the way he was talking they were worried. I found him just sat on the sand sobbing his heart out. Said he wanted to die, no point living anymore, nobody loved him. And I thought 'I do' and I kissed him."

"What happened then?"

"I helped him off the beach, drove him back to his parents' and went home."

"What was it like?"

"Going home?"

"No. Stop being coy. What was it like kissing Eddie?"

"Nice. No heavenly choirs or fireworks but .... nice."

"Wow," I sat back, "my mind is blown! What happened after?"

"Not much. To be honest I'm not even sure he remembered. He just carried on being Eddie." He seemed almost wistful.

"You are so lovely. " And I am so drunk.

Wistful became bashful.

"Is that when he cut his wrist?"

"No. That was another time. He was such a mess, it was really very frightening." He seemed lost in thought, in bad memories. "You've seen it then? The scar?"

I nodded. "What was he like? Eddie, at his worst?"

"Basically just drug fueled fucking and fighting. How on earth he didn't get his handsome face smashed in I'll never know. You wouldn't have recognised him. At least I hope you wouldn't have recognised him. If it was female and had a pulse he'd nail it. If it was male and had a pulse he try to punch it. At one point I'm not sure he was all that bothered about a pulse." It clearly still made James sad and angry.

"That's the reason for the medicals?"

"It certainly is. HIV, hepatitis, liver damage, heart disease, herpes; I've worried about all of them. Especially after his Dad's heart attack. A man doesn't take that kind of punishment and just walk away unscathed."

"Did Eddie?"

"Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. I'd always thought his inability to form a long term relationship was his punishment for his sins. "

"And yet you tried to set him up with me?"

"Ah! You were different. I'd never seen him excited about anyone before. Well, not since we were teenagers. I thought you would be smart enough and strong enough to handle him. And it turns out you were."

I studied him for a moment. "Do you love him?" I suddenly had to know.

"Yes but I'm not in love with him. I'm closer to Ed than I am to my brother. Him and his mum are my family. The real question is, are YOU in love with him?"

"Oh yes!" I wondered about going on. After all, it seemed to be an evening for sharing. "It frightens me sometimes."

"Why?" His interest was genuine so I decided 'in for a penny....'

"It's so intense. Sometimes I think I'd do anything to keep him. I mean, in two months how well can I really know him? I feel out of control, like an addict. I have to have my Eddie fix. He's like a Gancanagh."

"Gana what?"

"Gancanagh. A male fairy who seduces women and when they touch his skin they become addicted to him and pine away and die if they can't have him. Sorry, can't help being a geek."

As he chuckled, I noticed James' head had a bit of a wobble to it. He was definitely the worse for wear.

"James?"

"Hmmm?"

"None of this gets repeated to Ed?"

He shook his head.

"He wants to try anal." There I had said it.

James raised an eyebrow. "A lot of men do."

"I know, I went to the lectures too. I ... I am not sure." I looked at him and started laughing. "I know 'talk to Eddie'."

"And then use lots of lube and warm up with something smaller first."

I have to say I was shocked. I could tell he was arguing internally about something else. "OK, because I am drunk I will be unforgivably indiscrete. You're not the only one to have been asking about this."

"What did he ask?"

"If I had any tips on how to make it as easy for you as possible. I told him - lots of lube and warm up with something small first!" We sang the last bit in unison.

"Is he a good long term bet?" Please say yes because I am already in way over my head!

"Yes. Absolutely! Now he's sober he's a one woman man. He wants to grow old with you. I know sometimes he comes across as an arrogant twat," I nodded, thinking of the first two times I had met him, "but really he's rather insecure. You said he seems experienced and he is - at sex, but not at love. He wants real intimacy not just shagging your brains out. Hmmm, OK, he wants intimacy AND shagging your brains out. But my point is he is just as scared as you. He is desperate to please you. This bee he has in his bonnet about anal sex, in his mind it is about you trusting him enough to do something a little taboo and potentially painful with him; about giving yourself to him in a way that you wouldn't with anyone else. A bit like a second virginity I suppose. It's about possessing all of you, having you completely."

"Sounds hot when you put it like that."

"Does, doesn't it?"

"Do you like to give or receive?"

For a second he looked astonished but recovered quickly, "Er, both."

"What does it feel like? Would it feel different for me?" Feeling a bit fuzzy now and aware that perhaps I should not be going down this road.

"Well, like I said, you need plenty of lube and your partner needs to take his time, warm you up so to speak with a finger or something similar. You need to be comfortable and relaxed. The overall sensation......."

I didn't hear the rest of it, I must have fallen fast asleep.

# Chapter Ten

I really enjoyed my Saturday afternoon, it was good to be back in hospital, if you know what I mean. There is a sense of team you get in theatre that doesn't exist anywhere else. The consultant was fantastic; no wonder she was so popular with the staff and patients. She was dropping some fairly heavy hints about specialist GPs. That would be good to know if I decided to stay in the area. I was buzzing by the time I went home. I wouldn't need to drink tonight, I would be drunk on possibilities.

Whizzing round the country lanes I realised that it was getting dark and I would be better going straight to Eddie's. He was having few friends round. The weather was cold but the afternoon had been really sunny so more than likely they would have started a barbecue. I wanted to tell him all about my day. He'd be chuffed I was thinking about working in the area after Jo came back. I parked at Wayside but didn't go in, just slung my stuff out of sight in the boot and trotted down to Eddie's.

A few friends! The track was packed with cars. I could hear music and he'd rigged some outdoor lighting. As I walked round the corner I saw a bunch of people in the orchard and immediately spotted Big Mick at the grill. As I reached the gate I saw Tasha and waved. She wandered over with a diet coke in hand!

"James is here too. Popped inside for a drink."

"Who's got the kids?"

"My Mum."

"Mark here?" I was always unsure about mentioning her husband. They'd split up twice and the relationship was what romance novels call 'tempestuous'. At the moment they were back together; sort of a can't live with, can't live without thing.

"Fishing." Ah, that was one of the things they fought about. Tasha looked happy enough though. Come to think of it, she looked positively glowing.

I looked at the soda can. "Driving?"

She bit her lip, shook her head and generally looked as if she were about to pop.

The penny dropped. "You're kidding?"

She started bouncing up and down and squealing. Next thing I knew I was bouncing and squealing too.

"Aw Tasha, love, congratulations!" Big hug!

"How far? Who else have you told?"

"Not far. Only did the test this morning. I'm not going to tell anyone else yet so...."

"They won't hear it from me." I was thrilled for her, and as petty as it sounds I was nearly as thrilled that she thought enough to confide in me.

When James found us we were still holding hands, jumping about and generally shrieking like shrieky things.

He put his beer down and held out his hands. We looked at each other as if to say 'what's he doing?'.

"Can't I join in?"

He got more than he bargained for when Tasha and I threw ourselves at him and continued to bounce around and giggle with him sandwiched in between us.

"Right now, I so wish I was straight." He meant it.

"Oi! Quayle! They are both spoken for!" Eddie! He wandered out of the front door and stood there looking bemused by the three noisy lunatics on his drive.

It was a beautiful evening. I'd practically been offered my dream job. I had two friends I'd just slotted into place with. I was looking at a man I was crazy for. Life didn't get any better. When would I learn?

Eddie strolled over. He must have been feeling chilled, normally he kind of bounded everywhere having inherited his mother's nervous energy. Big hug and bigger kiss. Hmmm! A girl could get used to a welcome like that.

"Hungry? Think there are still some burgers and sausages left."

"No thanks."

"You look pleased with yourself. How did the hospital go?"

"It was great. Loved Mrs Clyde. All the stuff you hear about cash strapped maternity services, I didn't know what to expect but it was the bees." I was aware I was gushing and I am not a gushy type person. Perhaps I'd better not tell him about the post until after, and if, it had been officially offered. I looked at him intently.

"Whatcha thinking?"

I just smiled at him.

Tasha put her fingers in her mouth and made retching noises. "I'm going for a burger!" She grabbed James and dragged him off to see Mick, self appointed guardian of the grill. Eddie was superglued to my side as we chatted and he steered me around for some introductions.

After about an hour, Eddie checked his watch.

"Oh, you okay for a bit? I said I'd run Tasha home at seven."

"Just make sure a lift home is all she gets!" I teased.

He looked at me uncertainly.

"Yes. I know about it. You'd better be straight back, I'll be timing you!" I was still teasing but he started to look flustered.

"How? Did she tell you?" Flustered and a bit panicky

"Long story but it's not an issue, don't look so worried." I smiled and kissed his cheek. I was only messing and hadn't intended to rattle him.

"You don't mind?"

"It's the past. She's a good looking woman, you're a red blooded guy. I'm okay with it."

He didn't look as soothed as I thought he would.

"Do you mind about me giving her a ride home?" Poor choice of words but he didn't twig. "Mick's sober, I could ask him?"

I put a hand to his face and kissed his mouth. "Really, I'm okay with it. She's my mate, I trust her; you're my fella and more importantly I trust you. Besides, to hear Tasha tell it, she practically had to pin you down and force you anyway." I didn't really believe he had been as reticent as Tasha made out but I appreciated her kindness. I wished I hadn't teased him now. I'd done my best to reassure him it wasn't an issue but he clearly wasn't happy. "Go on! I need to speak to James anyway."

I found James still nursing the same beer he'd had when I got there. He was chatting to a couple of Eddie's friends from the beach who, to be honest, looked slightly more stoned than drunk. He was relieved to be interrupted and we went off to sit next to a tree. The little orchard sloped up and I could see down the track. I saw Eddie and Tasha go to his pickup. Tasha was struggling a bit with the poor light and uneven ground so he took her arm. Just for a second I felt a pang but then realised I was being stupid. Eddie was a one woman man; Eddie was MY one woman man. I relaxed and carried on chatting.

I wasn't timing him but eventually I did check my watch. Seven fifty. Tasha lived ten to fifteen minutes away. They wouldn't? No, they wouldn't. Don't be so insecure.

James had seen me check my watch. As if he could read my mind he said, "Probably got a puncture. Don't worry, he's not interested in anyone but you."

That was so spooky. He worried me sometimes.

Five minutes later the black Hilux slipped into a space on the track. If I'd known he'd spent the last half an hour parked up, on his own, outside Wayside it would have saved us both a lot of heartache. But then Eddie didn't play games did he? He came bounding up the drive and threw himself on he ground next to me. "Sorry I took so long. Pandemonium! Kids stuck up trees, Mark came back and wanted to talk fishing and then I got conned into driving her mother home!"

I leant over and kissed him, "It's cool."

Just for a millisecond a strange look passed over his face. Not long enough for me to decode it but enough for it to register.

"Going for a beer. You want one?"

"Please."

"James?"

"Um, please."

He went in and fetched some beers and then he was off circulating.

It was getting late and I was getting cold so I went to find Eddie and see if I could borrow a jumper. I found him talking to Mick. Eddie was swaying slightly and his eyes were glassy.

"You're stoned!" I observed.

"Yup."

"What if you get a visit from the local constabulary?"

Eddie turned "Hey Phil!"

A tall, thin guy I recognised from The Shack weaved over. Eddie put an arm over his shoulder.

"Phil meet Grace. Grace meet Phil, the local constable."

"We met last Friday." He stuck his hand out but only after he had moved his reefer to the other.

"Nice to meet you again, Phil." I know when I'm beaten.

It was warmer near the barbecue even though it was nearly out and I forgot about the jumper. Eddie was jigging about to the music and rubbing against me. I decided I quite liked stoned Eddie, he was very affectionate. Being sober and not high, I wasn't quite as enthusiastic about PDAs. Kissing and cuddling okay, groping less so. The more I tried to steer his hands away from my boobs and my bum the more determined they seemed to be there! Eventually I went to find James again even if I did have to shiver a bit. We were putting the world to rights and I noticed him frown. I followed his gaze and saw Eddie gyrating with one of the Mickettes. He looked over and smiled. I gave him a dirty look. He was going to get an earbashing when we were alone. I turned back to James. Next time I glanced round Eddie was deep in conversation with Mick so I relaxed again.

After a few minutes Mick strolled up and began chatting. Mick didn't drink, didn't do drugs and seemed largely oblivious to the girlies swooning as he passed. He was relentlessly pursued by an army of devoted young girls, who we had christened 'The Mickettes', AND their mothers! Other than he was big and a bit daft I hadn't got the Aussie man mountain sussed yet. He was definitely part of the surfer crowd but very different. Effortlessly charming and yet completely unaffected. What Roisin wouldn't give to be here! In winter, when the lifeguard station was on reduced hours, Mick took whatever work he could. At the moment he was helping Eddie during the day and working behind a bar at night. The Shack were only too pleased to have him there in the quieter months as he worked hard and guaranteed a good female attendance. I was getting cold again and James offered to lend me his coat which was in his car. I was going to borrow one of Eddie's but I hadn't seen him for a while.

"Just bob in and get one of Ed's ganzis anyway. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Save James going to the car."

I wasn't sure, Eddie was acting strangely. The time it took him to take Tasha home, being overly affectionate, the dancing with the strumpet, something didn't feel right.

"Aw, come on. I'll go with you if you're afraid." He laughed at me. Red rag to a bull! Right!

I strode off to the house and Mick trotted along behind. I flung the front door open and waltzed in. I got four steps in and stopped in my tracks. Oh. The gyrating Mickette was sat on the kitchen table with her arms, and legs, around a shirtless Eddie. She had her face in his neck and both hands, with her ridiculous nails, clamped on his arse. I felt sick and faint. Bastard!

"Won't be needing that jumper," was all I could think of to say as I span on my heel and left. Mick put an arm out to stop me but I smacked it away and nearly collided with James who was on his way in. I was two steps outside when I heard James exclaim "You stupid arsehole!"

I was halfway down the track before someone drew level and put a hand on me. I span and was ready with the mother of all right crosses when I saw it was James. I put my fist down. He'd seen it and watched carefully until I relaxed.

"I am going home." I informed him and was off down the track again.

"I'm coming with you." He kept pace. "God, Grace. I'm so sorry."

"YOU have nothing to be sorry for." We'd reached the end of the track and turned onto the road. Unfortunately, Wayside was up hill. I got about halfway there and had to slow down. Wayside. Eddie's house. Bastard! Hang on, I still had the keys to the practice flat!

James was quiet and when I glanced at him he looked grim. Poor James, piggy in the middle. We reached the house. I stormed in and threw the lights on. James closed the door behind us. I stood in the middle of the lounge with my hands over my mouth.

"I don't know what to say. There are no excuses I can make for him." James sounded lost.

"You shouldn't have to make excuses for him."

"Stupid, stupid bastard. What was he thinking?"

"You took the words!"

He crossed the floor and put his arms round me. I hugged him back and put my head on his shoulder. I felt utterly defeated and couldn't be bothered to hold the tears back anymore. After a few moments I pulled myself together. No more crying, hold on to the anger. I lifted my head.

"I'm sorry." James whispered. "I feel so shit."

"Why? You've done nothing wrong."

"I was the one telling you how faithful Eddie would be; that he wouldn't look at anyone else."

I found a laugh from somewhere."For what it's worth, I think you're as shocked as I am."

He just nodded.

"Okay. This is Eddie's house. I can't stay here. I need to ring Stuart and see if I can move back into the practice flat."

"Not now. Just grab what you need and crash at mine tonight. We can sort the rest tomorrow."

"Thanks for the offer but I can't do that. You're Eddie's friend too and I won't put you in an awkward position."

"What's awkward about it? He's been a total twat."

I had to laugh at that. I kissed his cheek. "I love you, James Quayle. You are just so lovely, but I mean it, you must NOT take sides. I won't let you. You're more than just his friend; you're his family. Regardless of how poorly he treats women, he loves you and I won't let you throw your friendship away."

"I just can't believe it." He shook his head.

"Go home." I kissed his cheek again. "I'm alright."

He looked doubtful.

"Really. I need to think."

Reluctantly, James left.

.

I sat on the edge of the settee and put my hands over my mouth again. I felt a hard, tight ball of fury in the middle of my chest. I was incandescent. Inside I was hissing and spitting like a drop of water on a hot frying pan. If I'd had my wits about me I'd have grabbed a frying pan and clubbed him with it! Bastard! I'd left my phone in my handbag, which I'd put in the boot of the car rather than come back to the house earlier. I took the keys from the dish and headed down to the Clio. Well, Eddie hadn't come after me. Why was I even surprised? Probably fucking that stupid bimbo right now. I opened the boot and retrieved my bag. As I closed the boot I saw a figure walking up. Mick! I should have fucking clubbed that bastard too! He hadn't been surprised. I locked up and walked back to the house. I made a point of locking the door after me. I ran upstairs and began ransacking drawers, stuffing clothes into a holdall. The doorbell went. How dare he! How bloody dare he! The doorbell went again and he banged a couple of times on the door. "Grace! Grace! It's Mick!" Who else would it be? I saw you walking up, you asshole. I swept my make up and jewellery off the dresser into the holdall and went downstairs. I grabbed my handbag and my laptop, switched the lights off then opened the front door.

"Oh Doc!" Big, relieved smile.

I locked the door behind me and started for the car. "Oh Doc." A little less relieved. "Wait! I need to talk to you."

"Do you?! Do you really?!" I rounded on him and he visibly shrank back. He may have been big and daft but even he sensed that this was not a good time to fuck with me.

"Er, yeah." Not at all relieved. Possibly even a little scared. Maybe he wasn't so daft, because I was murderous. "Er, about what happened."

"Tread very carefully because right now I want to kill somebody and you're closest." I was brandishing my finger like a weapon.

"Oh." Yes, definitely a little scared. So he should be because I meant it. I was so angry! Anger, the steel straps we wrap round our hearts to stop them from breaking.

"It wasn't what you think...." He didn't get any further.

"It wasn't what I think!!!!" I yelled and his eyes became large. "I think it was one of your bloody Mickettes he was practically fucking on the kitchen table. Can't you keep them under control? What? She couldn't have you so she thought she'd have him instead? If she couldn't have her first choice she'd take my only choice?" Shame there were no neighbours, I put on quite a show.

Quieter now. "You knew didn't you? You fucking knew and you deliberately sent me in there."

"Kinda. But..."

"No buts, Mick. You knew. You're nearly as despicable as .... as..." I couldn't say his name and I could feel tears pricking again. I shook my head and walked off. I got halfway down the steps when I heard "Aw shit" and he followed. He caught up with me as I opened the boot.

"Doc? Grace?"

I put my head down so he wouldn't see my tears.

"Grace?" A soft voice and an arm infront of me, turning me towards him.

I swiped crossly at my tears, wiping them on my sleeve.

"Aw shit, Grace. I'm sorry." He pulled me into him and for a few moments I allowed myself the luxury of resting my head on his chest and being held. He smelt nice but he didn't smell like Eddie. My Eddie. Not my Eddie anymore. More tears. He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. Even in my misery it felt soothing. I felt much calmer.

I pulled away and opened the driver's door. Mick held my arm. "Grace please. It wasn't what you think. Let me explain."

I looked him in the eye, "It doesn't matter, Mick. I'm done with Eddie Langsett." I got in the car and closed the door. Yes, I was done with him. I started the engine and drove off. I allowed myself a look in the rear view mirror and saw Mick watching me go and rubbing his head.

I got to the practice and called Stuart.

"Hi Stuart. It's Grace... I'm fine...sorry to bother you so late..... would it be alright if I moved back into the practice flat for a while?...No, I'm fine... not sure, just for a while...yes.... yes....I'll speak to you on Monday... bye."

For the second time in three months I trudged up the steps to the flat with my bags and moved in.

.

I didn't think I would sleep but I did. I was woken at six thirty by my phone playing 'Big, Bad Handsome man.' Eddie. A knife through my heart. Eddie. I looked at the phone, it was a text. What, he was dumping me by text? Against my better judgement I checked it.

'Where are you?'

That was it? Where are you? I tried to go back to sleep. I would have got up and made a drink but the coffee and milk were at Wayside. I was going to have to go back and get the rest of my stuff, including my phone charger! Looking on the bright side, Eddie might have already thrown it all into bin liners so he could move his latest fuck in. That would save me the hassle.

Seven o'clock, same ring tone, another text. 'Where are you? I love you. Please call me.'

Seven thirty. 'I love you. Please call me.' and a little emoticon of a broken heart. Well, aren't we just a clever little shit this morning?

Eight o'clock. The phone rang. Caller ID Eddie. I pressed the red button.

Eight 01. Phone chelped. You have one new answerphone message.

Eight 02. I switched the phone off.

Nine o'clock. I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up, pulled last nights jeans and Tshirt on and walked into town to the newsagent for coffee, milk and a paper.

When I got back to the flat I made a brew and stared at the paper without seeing it.

Ten o'clock I gave up and switched my phone on. You have five texts and three new answerphone messages. Give me strength! Okay, check the texts first.

Four from Eddie. 'I love you.' 'I love you and I will keep texting until you call me.' 'I love you.' 'I love you.'

One from James. 'Morning honey. How are you doing? Call me if you need anything. A shoulder, an ear, someone to skip beside you singing 'someone's gonna get it' whilst you swing the baseball bat. J OXOX'

I sent a message straight back to him. 'J. You make me smile. G XO.'

Right, answerphone messages now. I felt sick.

The first one. "Grace, I know I did a bad thing. I love you. If you will let me explain..." He sounded tired and tearful and I wasn't interested in anything he could possibly have to say so I pressed 3 and heard a satisfying "message deleted. Second message...." The next one was Mick. "Er, yeah, Hi Doc! It's Mick. Ed's friend."

Oh for fuck's sake! How many Micks with an Australian accent did he think I knew? "Last night wasn't what you thought it was. Er. Yeah. Christ I hate answermachines! Look Doc, please call me and we can meet up. Er, I really need to talk to you. My number is... Oh yeah, your mobile will show my number anyway. Okay. Call me."

"Third message." "Hi Grace. I gather you and my Eddie have had a bit of a bust up. Are you alright? I will kill him when I get my hands on him. Call me if you need anything. I might be his mum but I'm your friend too. You know that, don't you? Byee."

I couldn't face talking to anyone so I decided to text them.

To Eddie I sent. 'We are finished. Do not call me. Do not text me. I will not ever take you back, you unfaithful piece of shit.'

To Mick I sent. 'He has just ripped the heart, still beating, from my chest and ground it into the floor with his foot. You don't need to talk to me. There is nothing to say. Like I said, I'm done with him.'

To Marilyn I sent. ' Hi M, I'm ok. He will always be your son and I will always be your friend. I just want to forget him and move on. There are no sides to take. G.'

I thought for a moment and then sent a fourth text. 'Hi Janie, hope you all ok. The wheels have come off here. Miss you. G.'

Enough! Get a shower and then think about getting the rest of your stuff from Wayside. Crap, shower stuff still at Wayside! I went to put the kettle on and whilst I was filling it I heard the phone beep twice. I flicked the switch and went back into the bedroom. First message was Marilyn. 'If you need a cuppa and a chat you know where I am. X'

The second message was Mick. 'Would still like to speak to U. M' I shook my head. There was a loud banging on the door and I jumped so much I dropped the phone. "Grace!" a familiar voice wailed. I fought the urge to hide under the bed. I looked at it. I'd had my first time with Eddie in that bed. It had been wonderful. I wondered if she thought he was wonderful. I hoped so. Losing him to someone who wanted him was bad, losing him to someone who was just using him to scratch an itch would have been unbearable.

.

Bang! Bang! Bang! " Grace, please. I know you're in there, your car is here. Please!"

I went to the door and, after I'd put the safety chain on, I opened it.

He looked like someone had died. Hopefully that bitch while he was on top of her. His eyes were red rimmed and blood shot. I'd never really noticed before but they were small and rather mean looking. And his nose that was also rather red; had it always been that big?

"Grace!" A weak smile.

"What?" Frostbite.

He eyed the safety chain. "Please, my lover. Let me in."

"Oh? And which lover would that be? You have so many. It must be so much easier to call everyone lover then you don't even need to remember their names!" I began to wonder if I had put the safety chain on to protect me or him.

"Please." Hardly more than a whisper.

"Go away. I take it you got my text?"

He nodded mournfully.

"I have nothing to add."

"Please don't make me go away." Oh God, he was crying. My carefully woven blanket of anger was starting to unravel. NO! I was free of him and my obsession with him. The highs, the sexual ecstasy, just wasn't worth the lows, the fear, the neediness, the pain. What I needed now was to be in control. I didn't want to hurt him I just wanted to be free. Don't open the door to him. Do not open the door. I put my forehead against the edge of the door and closed my eyes but I couldn't stop my own tears. His hand reached through the opening and rough fingertips gently wiped through the trails of salty water running down my cheeks.

"I love you." His voice was hoarse and somehow I knew he'd been sobbing all night. My blanket of anger was now the size of a hanky. I looked up at him. This man; the things I'd done with him; the things I'd told him; the future I'd started to hope for with him; could I really live without him? He could be a demon, dirty, demanding, humiliating, arousing making me scream and whimper and debase myself for him like some junkie for a fix; he could be a small child, vulnerable, needing my protection, my love, my approval, tugging at my need to nurture, an eternal child to fill my empty arms. And that's what it came down to, maybe no matter how much he wanted to, he could never truly forgive me for not being able to carry his baby. My husband, ex husband, hadn't been able to and had left me for a woman who could. Maybe no matter how much he thought he loved me, Eddie wouldn't be able to forgive me either and it was inevitable he would stray with a woman who could?

"I can't talk to you now. It hurts too much."

"Tomorrow? Please tomorrow!"

I looked at his watch. What if I said no? What if he tried to kill himself again? I didn't want that responsibility. It was emotional blackmail. How could he be so bothered? He was with somebody else.

"Tomorrow night? Please!"

"Okay, BUT I need you to stay away from Wayside today. I have to collect my stuff."

"No!" Eddie shook his head frantically. "Don't. Please don't move out. Even if you don't love me any more I want you somewhere I know you are safe and warm, a home."

"I could only stay until Easter anyway. I have to move out eventually."

"I'd thought by then you would be living with me. I thought we'd be engaged.... or married by then. But it doesn't matter. I will sign the house over to you, it's yours, just don't move out." A huge sob made him stop. "Don't move out today. Let's talk about it tomorrow. What time can I see you? Come to mine."

The image of him with her flashed across my mind.

"I don't ever want to set foot in that house again! What do you think I am going to do? Sit down for a cosy little chat at the table you fucked her on?" My pain made me hiss at him.

"I didn't! I swear to God, I didn't!"

I squeezed the bridge of my nose. Somewhere public would be better, The Hanged Man? Although in this state we would cause a bit of a scene. He was more likely to embarrass me than physically harm me so somewhere private then. Not his, not the flat. Wayside it was then, I could pick up my gear at the same time.

"Wayside, at seven."

He nodded dejectedly.

"Go away."

Eddie took a few steps and then turned to look at me. His eyes were begging me to let him stay.

"Go!" and I closed the door.

I couldn't have told you what I did with the rest of Sunday. I must have checked my holdall and found suitable clothes for work. At some point I must have gone out to a shop because I had a bottle of shampoo.

.

My alarm clock was still at Wayside so I used my phone and it woke me at seven on Monday morning. I showered and washed my hair. I put clean clothes on and slightly more make up than the usual lippy and mascara. I wanted something to hide behind. Eight thirty start but I didn't want to be in early chatting so I didn't go around until quarter past. I walked past reception with a nod and a 'Good morning' to Roisin and Marilyn. I went straight to my room and switched the computer on. Before it was up and running there was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

It was Marilyn, with a cup of coffee and a biscuit. "Thought you might need this. When did you last eat?'

I couldn't remember. Not this morning. Not yesterday. Not at the barbecue. Lunchtime Saturday.

"Thank you." and I meant it.

She took a seat in the patients chair and leant over the corner of the desk.

"I went round to Eddie's yesterday after I got James' call." So that was how she knew. "I told him you love him and nothing else really matters and he needs to get things put right. What was the bust up about?" He hadn't told her then. Neither of them had.

"I caught him having sex with another woman. On the kitchen table. Where anyone could have seen them."

Marilyn went pale. "I'll kill him," was all she said.

I just shook my head. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, "I don't think I can take him back."

She put her hand over mine. "No, my poor child, I'm the one who's sorry." She gave my hand a squeeze and went back to reception. Presumably she forewarned Stuart because I didn't hear from him when he arrived.

I'd just finished morning surgery and was getting ready for the monthly practice meeting when I got an instant from Marilyn. 'Could you come to desk please?'

When I got there a young woman was waiting. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her.

"This young lady would like a word," Marilyn informed me. She was itching to ask what it was about.

I saw the girl's stupid nail varnish and suddenly I knew who she was. She wasn't wearing any make up today but now I recognised her.

"Is she a registered patient at this practice?"

Marilyn and Roisin shrugged and the slapper shook her head.

"Right then, excuse us!" With that I grabbed her ponytail and dragged her squawking from the practice. In the car park I threw her to the floor. I knew the receptionists had followed and were watching but I didn't care. "Right you!" I jabbed a finger at her. "Understand this. The only reason you are still alive is because I don't want to go to jail! If I ever see you again I might decide the crime would be worth the time." I straightened up and stalked back towards the surgery.

"He didn't... We never...I just wanted to tell you we never did nuffink, Eddie and me."

I reached Roisin and Marilyn and turned. "See this lady here? This is Eddie's mother. I should start running if I were you!" Then I went inside.

.

Everyone arrived for the practice meeting which was a subdued affair. All except Lucy clearly knew what had gone on. Tasha knew although she could have heard it from either James or Marilyn. After the quiet meeting, she pulled me to one side.

"James told me. I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault." Something occurred to me. "Did Eddie take your mum home on Saturday?"

"No, Mark did. Why?"

"He was gone almost an hour."

"No. Mark took Mum home. In fact He said he'd seen Eddie parked outside yours on the way there and on the way back. Thought it was odd but there was probably nowhere to park at his."

"Hmm."

"I think he was trying to make you jealous."

"What?"

"Just between us, Eddie was a bit put out that you didn't care about ...you know. He's a bit insecure sometimes and tends to equate jealousy with wanting. If you're not jealous you're not that bothered, sort of thing."

"Actually, now you've said it, that explains a lot. Excuse me, I have to make a phone call."

"Eddie?" Tasha asked hopefully.

"No. Mick."

She looked puzzled as I went to fetch my phone.

'What are you doing for the next hour?' I sent to Mick.

'Having lunch. Y?' Straight back.

'Wanted to talk to you.'

'Henry's, now.'

I grabbed my bag and left.

Henry's was a little pizzeria with cheery red decor. Mick was sitting by the window. He waved when he saw me. I slid on to a chair opposite him. He pushed a slice of an enormous pepperoni pizza at me.

"Eat."

"No thanks."

"Eat. You look like you're about to pass out."

I remembered it had been forty-eight hours since I last ate, not counting the biscuit this morning. It did smell good. I picked it up, it tasted good too.

"So, Doc, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

The pizza was fantastic, I hadn't known I was so hungry.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" I asked him right back.

"Ah!" He clasped his hands and then rested his chin on them."I wanted to talk about Eddie."

"Okay. Talk." I'd nearly finished the pizza slice

Mick pushed another piece over. "That thing in the kitchen was a set up."

"Yes, you knew about it."

"Not what I meant."

"So say what you meant."I said with a mouthful of the magical pizza.

"Ed was climbing the walls because you were on a high from the hospital and didn't seem that bothered about him. Thought you'd met some hunky doctor. He wanted to make you jealous. Guess he'd had a bit too much weed and it seemed like a good idea. I told him it wasn't. Anyways Sophie was up for it. The plan was you would walk in on them pretending to make out, be consumed with jealous passion and drag him off and make him feel all wanted."

I gave him a dubious look and took another slice of pizza

"Yeah," He pulled a face. "I didn't think it sounded a good idea either. But they were both stoned. They were waiting so long poor Sophie's arse went numb. That table is really uncomfortable." He laughed.

"I think a numb bum may be the least of her worries."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Whatsherface came to see me this morning. I threw her out and suggested she might like to stay out of my way in future."

He guffawed "Blimey! Still, she was probably in better shape than poor Ed!"

My turn to raise eyebrows.

"Went to pieces after you stormed off. Was a while before I dared leave him. Phil watched him whilst I went to find you. I gotta say when you are in a temper you are magnificent. You scared the living daylights out of me. Now wonder Ed is totally into you. Do you do everything with that much passion? If you don't get back with Ed would you consider a younger guy?"

Now I knew he was being facetious and I laughed.

"I am serious, Doc. You can dominate me anytime." That would account for his lack of interest in the adoring but passive Mickettes. Well, you live and learn. Must recommend Roisin gets some leather trousers.

"Oh Mick! I'm old enough to be your mother!"

"No your not. Big sister maybe."

"Well, I feel old enough to be your mother. Thanks for the pizza. And the talk." I smiled at him and rose to leave.

"Grace?'

"Aha?"

"I was serious. You got my number. If things don't work out."

"Mick!" I walked around the table and gave him a big hug before I left. "Thanks for the pizza." Even though I was broken hearted I remembered how it felt to be held by him and had to wonder just how dominant he liked them? Yup, there was going to be life after Eddie after all. I wouldn't have touched Mick with a barge pole, he was way too young, but who knew who else was out there. Maybe when I was over Eddie...?

When I got back to the surgery I fancied a coffee. As I put the kettle on Stuart walked in.

"Ah Grace! How are you?"

I smiled at him. "I'm okay." Well, I will be.

I watched him struggle to find the right words.

I thought I'd better help him out. "Thank you for letting me move back into the flat."

"Er yes, you're very welcome. I was just a bit surprised. And concerned. Are things ...difficult... with you and Eddie?"

"Not difficult, finished."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. You can have the flat as long as you need it but, well, I guess I am an old romantic, I thought you and Eddie were made for each other."

My little cloud of optimism was evaporating. I needed to put an end to this conversation. "What happens, happens. It's not looking hopeful. Want a brew?" Subtle hint that it is time to change the subject.

"Please. He's very like his Dad, you know. Spit and image of him. Same mercurial personality too."

I'd never really heard much about his Dad. I have to admit I was curious about Marilyn's husband. She never mentioned him but I knew she must have loved him very much. How would I feel if I'd been with Eddie all my life? My sorrow must have shown on my face.

"Sorry, that was perhaps inappropriate."

I shook my head and managed a smile. "Well, back into the fray!" I was looking forward to afternoon surgery, the chance to lose myself in other people's problems instead of dwelling on my own.

.

Surgery over, I went back to the flat. The pizza was wearing off. Could I eat anything else? Perhaps not. I sat about until it was time to go. I got to Wayside at five to seven and Eddie was already waiting on the doorstep. I really didn't want to do this. Reluctantly I got out of the car and walked up. Eddie still looked dreadful. I no longer really cared what had gone on in the kitchen. He was unfaithful or he had been playing stupid games, I was not having any of either. As I reached the front door he went to hug me but I couldn't return it. He stood back with his hands thrust deep into his pockets as I unlocked the door. Without being asked he went inside to switch the light on. Once we were inside we stood there. Neither of us had spoken yet. I didn't want to say anything unpleasant but couldn't find any kind words either. I went to my default setting, which was to go and put the kettle on. He followed me into the kitchen and tried to hug me again. Inside I was turning to jelly. I had been so clear about things earlier and now my feelings were muddy and confused.

"Get the milk." It was the first thing either of us had said.

I passed him a cup of tea and he stood there staring at me. "Don't move out. I don't want you to."

"It's not about what you want anymore."

"I didn't... you know. It wasn't real...it was..."

"Just to make me jealous?"

At least he had the decency to look ashamed. "I wasn't thinking straight."

"Too right."

For a moment we were silent again. He put his cup down, untouched.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I." I meant it. "Are you going to help me pack?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Please don't." There was a sniff and he was crying again.

I couldn't stand it. I put my cup down and put my arms around him. Bad move. He put his arms around me too. Being so close to him I could feel the warmth of his body and inhale his intoxicating scent. I hated him. How could he hurt me so much and yet I still want him?

"I hate you." I said without letting go.

"I know, I deserve it. I never, never meant to hurt you. I just wanted you to want me. I thought you would be jealous and ... and.."

"Fight over you?"

"No. Fight for me. Tell me to get away from her because I was yours, because you loved me. I wanted you to tell me you'd rather see me dead than with anyone else."

"I don't want this. Loving someone and being obsessive are not the same things."

"You didn't want me near you."

"You were trying to grope me in public!"

"Oh."

Silence except for his breathing.

"Tell me how to make it right."

"I'm not sure you can."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that!"

We held each other for a while.

"I'm not a naturally jealous person. I can't meet this need you have to be possessed. There's a hole in you that I can't fill. I'm sorry."

"It's my fault, not yours."

"I either trust you completely or I don't; and I can't be with you if I don't. I can't live like that."

"You can trust me. I swear to God. I would never have given her or anyone else the time of day. I was stoned and frightened. I needed to feel you were desperate for me."

"And you couldn't just ask?"

"Seems kind of obvious now." He admitted.

He had been talking into my hair and I could feel his breath on my neck. It was having an effect I didn't want it to have. I closed my eyes. I was going to have to move if I was to keep my resolve. I would move soon.

Eddie's arms tightened around me and he nuzzled further into my neck.

"Let me make it right. I can. You won't be sorry."

My knees were going. "I don't know."

"If I get scared again, can I ask you to help me?"

If I said yes it meant I was taking him back so I did not reply.

"I will do anything," his voice was soft and I could feel a hand sliding down my back. His lips were pressed to my neck. "Anything." The hand reached my bum and pulled my hips against his. "you can have me any way you want me. Just yours. Anything at all. Just help me. Tell me you want me. Tell me it's not over."

I was melting. Even Eddie at his lowest was irresistable. With a mind of their own, my hands started to move over him. Oh, he felt so good. I had made up my mind it was over. I had come here to collect my belongings and wish him the best for his future. I couldn't be drawn back in. His hips started to move against mine, grinding gently. My traitorous throat let out a small moan of longing. His lips left my neck and found my mouth. I couldn't help it. I returned his kiss. After a while I broke away.

"I can't do this. What you did nearly killed me. You broke my heart. I won't give it back to you just so you can break it again. I'm not strong enough. I'm collecting my things and leaving." I ran upstairs but Eddie ran after me. I was pulling my suitcase down from the top of the wardrobe when he put his arms round me again.

"Grace, don't do this. We're both hurting but we love each other. I made a mistake."

"You were deceitful and manipulative." I put the case next to the drawers.

"If I could do it differently I would. This," he nodded at the suitcase, "is a mistake, too."

"I close my eyes and all I see is you with her. You've got what you wanted. I am insanely jealous, with the emphasis on insane. This isn't me! I remember her against your bare chest, her hands on your backside and I want to hurt you like you hurt me. I want to physically hurt you! It's madness. It's sick." Why was I admitting this to him? I could hardly admit it to myself.

"So hurt me then. Do anything you want to me. Punish me, but don't leave me."

He let go of me and unbuttoned his shirt. I knew I shouldn't, that I should just start packing, but I could not look away. He slid his belt off and held it out to me. I took it uncertainly. He turned, knelt with his back to me and his head down and he waited. I looked at the leather belt in my hand and understood. I threw it on the floor next to him. "I don't want to beat you with it, you idiot, I want to strangle you with it."

He stood and turned. My eyes greedily ate up his bare torso. My sensible self said to turn my back and walk away, this wasn't healthy, this was a sick and destructive relationship. He saw my gaze and looked down at his chest. He ran his hands over himself as if he had to feel what had so captivated me. I had to take a step forward so I could put a hand on his chest too. He held it over his heart. Man, he was good! Was it love or was it sex? Whatever it was, I was going to have him. I was going to have him now, on this bed. He was going to make me scream and cry but I would not say his name, not this time. I wouldn't give him that. I ran my hand up his chest and behind his neck so I could pull him to me. I pulled his head down and kissed him hungrily. He responded by kissing me back and swinging me round to the bed.

"I need it. I need you." Was all I could say.

He sat to pull his trainers off and then the rest of his clothes came off. Completely naked, he stood in front of me. I put a hand on his manhood and it started to harden for me. Eddie started to unbutton my blouse. I was stroking him and he was bigger by the second. I had to take my hand away for Eddie to remove my blouse and bra. As soon as they were off, I felt his hands on my breasts; touching, stroking, squeezing. I returned the compliment on his big and eager cock. He helped me on to the bed. Within seconds, jeans, knickers and shoes gone. A hungry mouth fastened on my breast and fingers went to explore and tease my private parts.

"No." I pulled him on top of me. "Now."

"Are you sure you're ready? I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care. I want you now."

He slid between my legs and began to push inside me. I panted and gasped. I was dry and it hurt but I didn't want him stop. Eddie grunted loudly as he was completely buried in me. The physical pain matched and melded with the emotional pain. As he began to move inside me he felt like razor blades but it felt right somehow. He moved back and forth and I got wetter. It got easier. As the physical hurt went away so did the heartache. Soon it was the familiar sliding, stretching sensations and I lost myself in them. Still afraid of hurting me, Eddie was moving slowly. Long, delicious strokes in and out, making me yield under him. Oh, I wanted to scream!

"Good?"

I bit my lip and nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak.

He pushed himself up so he could watch better. The change in position brought new sensations and I had to moan and writhe with the pleasure he was inflicting on me. He liked that! He entered me at different angles and to different depths; his cock giving me new and more exciting stimulation each time it pushed inside me. I never wanted him to stop but I needed release. I looked at his body; Eddie was made for this; he was built to fuck.

"Legs together, my lover." He moved his weight forwards so his shaft pressured my clitoris. I remembered this position. It was the first way he'd taken me and a great quickie. After me on top and oral, it was one of the easiest ways for me to come. He began to thrust a bit quicker. My tension was starting to build. On and on, gradually faster and faster. I was going to explode.

"Are you ready? Do you want to come now?" He whispered.

"Yes, oh yes." I breathed.

He moved his arms so he was lying on me with his full weight pinning me down. He began to mate in earnest; humping fast and hard, mercilessly.

Oh God, I was going to come! I would not call his name. I would not give him the satisfaction of crying out when he made me lose control of my body. I buried my head against his shoulder. He was pounding and pounding me. Pressing and rubbing frantically on my clit, he made me pant and whimper. I pressed my mouth to his shoulder to stop the words, the animal sounds. Still pumping and thrusting, I felt myself slide over the edge and into orgasm. I bit Eddie's shoulder to stop me screaming his name. I sank my teeth in to his flesh. He didn't stop. He didn't stop until I was utterly spent and the pressure on my intimate area was painful. He pushed himself up on to his arms and I could see the bite mark. I'd broken the skin and he was bleeding. I looked at his face expecting to see pain or at least anger. He looked stoned again. Flushed cheeks; big, happy grin; eyes sparkly and half closed. I could feel his cock inside me, throbbing and twitching, and I knew he had climaxed too.

"I came inside you," he muttered contentedly. " You let me come in you."

He brushed a strand of hair from my face. Big, toothy grin. He put his head next to mine and whispered in my ear. "We are going to make love again in a minute and it won't be over so quickly this time. You are going to bite me and scratch me and beg me for it. You will plead for it and when I finally decide you've been a good enough girl and I make you come, you will scream my name and thank me for it." I was aroused and scared. I knew he could do it.

.

I was sore and exhausted by the time Eddie was finished with me. He lay next to me sighing happily. I studied him. He was a mess. Had I really done that? He was covered in bites and scratches. I remembered him on top of me; I'd still been angry with him. I couldn't let go and he had shouted at me to hurt him. I'd raked my nails across his back. He'd grunted in pain and the flood gates had opened. I'd slapped and hit at him like something possessed. Lashing out and hissing in pain and rage. He'd fended off most of the blows but I'd landed some good ones. Gradually all consuming wrath became all consuming passion and I'd bitten and scratched at him in a new kind of frenzy. He'd submitted willingly and he had lain there, quietly encouraging me to mark his wonderful body. This couldn't be healthy. I looked at the alarm clock. It was five past one. Shit! Work tomorrow. No, work today! I sat up. The sheets were tangled and covered in Eddie's blood.

"I've got to go."

Eddie opened his eyes and appeared confused. "Why? I thought we were good now?"

"Sex is not a relationship. I need to think. We need a few rules if we are going to make this work. And I do want this to work."

"Like no doing stupid shit to make you jealous?"

"Yeah, like that."

"Can I ask you, do you still love me?"

"Of course I do. You don't stop loving someone just like that. I've had my faith in you shaken. Your not my Steady Eddie anymore."

"I am."

I shrugged. "I'm going back to the flat."

"Can I come with you?"

"No."

"Can I stay here? In your bed?"

"If you want."

He watched me get dressed in silence. I left in silence too.

# Chapter Eleven

Morning came all too quickly. Sore and tired I crawled into the shower and then dressed. A slice of toast and a coffee and I walked gingerly round to the front door and reception. Marilyn and Lucy this morning. Lucy was smirking so she knew by now. Too bad she hadn't been here yesterday morning; I could have dragged her and the Mickette out by the hair. Today, I was just too weary.

"You look tired, dear. Are you managing?" Marilyn's voice interrupted my Lucy-bashing daydream. She obviously thought I'd been up all night breaking my heart over Eddie.

I toyed with idea with the idea of telling her I was tired because I'd been up half the night having wild, animal sex with Eddie that was closer to kinky than I was comfortable with, just to wipe the smile off Lucy's face. Maybe not. There are somethings a mother does not need to hear.

"I'll be in the kitchen." The kettle was calling me!

I heard her chair move as I walked past and I knew Marilyn was following me into the staff room. As I reached out to the kettle she put a hand on my arm.

"Really, Grace? How are you doing?"

I looked at her. I mean really looked. How much like his father was Eddie? Had she been through exactly the same things with him? Were all Langsett men such hard work?

"I saw Eddie last night."

"Oh?"

"He's been stupid and things are still a long way from mended but I think that we are going to try to work it out."

"Oh!" Who would have thought you could cram so much relief into such a short word? "I know he..." she waved a hand and did that little sideways bob, we both knew she meant 'was with another woman', "but he loves you. I can't understand why..." more hand waving.

I wasn't going to do his explanations for him. "Well, I'm not certain we can fix it but we're trying."

She caught me off guard with a big hug. "I'm so glad." It was obvious she was going to cry if she said more so Marilyn went back to her desk. I took her a cuppa. I even made Lucy one. Then I went to my consulting room and made a start to the working day.

It was lunchtime before I knew it. Wow, where had the morning gone? Better get some grub. Trusty handbag at the ready I went to desk. My heart was in my mouth. Stood with his back to me was Eddie in the big navy blue jumper I loved. He turned and suddenly my hand was in my mouth as well. He was definitely sporting a black eye. Oh, I didn't?

"Walked into a door."

"Oh." I knew he hadn't but was grateful he had covered for me.

"I brought sandwiches." He held a carrier bag up. "Thought, if you've no plans, we could have lunch together."

"I'd like that." I indicated my room rather than the staff room. He took my hand and gave me a very chaste peck on the cheek before we disappeared. I didn't dare look but I knew Lucy would be scowling and his mum would be fit to burst.

Lunch was good. We just sat and talked. He'd left Mick clearing rubble. Mick sent his apologies for his part in Eddie's madness. I wondered if he knew I'd already spoken to Mick. They were nearly finished with the knocking down, tomorrow he'd start building back up. How had my day been? Did I have plans for the weekend?

"Well, patients soon. I need to get ready so you have to go."

"Can I see you tonight?"

I thought about my rather delicate nether regions and my reluctance must have shown.

"Takeaway and a movie?" He gave me that smile I can't say no to. It even made his black eye crinkle.

"I'll see how this afternoon goes."

He decided not to push it and I walked him out to reception. Stuart was just coming in.

"Eddie!" He sounded surprised and pleased.

"Sir."

I was surprised to hear him call Stuart 'sir', a throwback to being a youngster, I guessed. A few pleasantries were exchanged.

"I'd better go. I'd really like to see you tonight. Please call me." Another very respectful peek on the cheek and he left.

Lucy looked like her lunch was likely to reappear at any moment. Marilyn was ecstatic. Stuart looked very pleased.

In best Stuart 'foot in mouth' tradition he opined "I'm glad you two are working things out. You know Eddie would make a fantastic dad."

I hope I didn't look as horrified as I felt. "He is wasting his time with me, then. I can't have any."

Two of the three others present were mortified. Lucy just raised an eyebrow.

.

When I got back to my room I sent Eddie a text. 'What time tonight? What sort of takeaway?'

Five minutes later there was a chelp. 'Move your stuff back to Wayside after surgery. I will get there as soon as I can. Will decide then. What do you feel like?' Cheeky git! I would be keeping my stuff in the flat for now! For someone so insecure, he could be so cocky sometimes.

.

As things worked out I pulled up across from Wayside at the same time as Eddie. I noticed that Mick was in the cab with him. They got out and they were both filthy! We stood next to the cars.

"Mind if Mick joins us for dinner?"

"Not at all." And, in truth, I didn't. We'd cleared the air at Henry's and we were cool.

"I'll go straight for the takeaway then. Fish and chips do you?"

"Sure, but Eddie, you can't go like that! You are all sweaty and mucky."

He looked at his manky Tshirt, covered in dirt, dust and spots that looked suspiciously like blood from scratches. Reaching back in the pick up, he pulled out a comparatively clean fleece. He spread the fleece on the bonnet and then whipped his shirt off. For the second time that day I thought 'shit, what a mess!' Even under the streetlight he was a patchwork of scratches, bruises and bite marks. Mick looked at Eddie and then almost reverently at me.

"I'm going inside now." I was so embarrassed.

As I walked away I heard Mick say, "Eddie, mate, I've got to tell you; I want your woman in the worst possible way."

Eddie must have been feeling secure that day because he just laughed and told Mick to dream on.

.

I was home first so I threw a couple of potatoes in the oven, grabbed last week's chilli from the freezer and slobbed out in front of the TV with a coffee. The news was the same old same old. The weather forecast was for more sleet possibly turning to snow on high ground. When Eddie arrived home he looked frozen daft and dog tired.

"Hard day, hun?"

He nodded as he sank onto the settee. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes.

I took my empty cup into the kitchen and when I came back I put my arms around him and kissed his neck.

" Chilli and jackets for dinner. Why don't you have a warm shower first?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Oh, you have no idea about my plan!

I took Eddie's hand and gave it a tug. He lifted his head and looked at me questioningly. I glanced at the stairs and pulled his hand again. "Let me take care of you, my poor, tired sweetheart." Intrigued, Eddie rose and let me lead him upstairs. I led him to the bathroom and switched the shower on before turning to slowly undress him. I wouldn't let him kiss me as I stripped and caressed him. He soon got the idea and stood quietly with his eyes closed as I tended to him. "Into the shower," I whispered and he did as he was asked. The bathroom was already steaming up and it was about to get even steamier! He stood under the hot, soothing water, head back eyes closed, as I quickly disrobed and joined him. "Put your hands on the wall, baby." As he turned to do as he was told he noticed something new on the wall and looked at me in surprise. I took his left wrist and placed it into one of the velcro cuffs suction cupped to the tiles. I did the same with his right. Resting with his hands on the wall, his head fell forwards and for a moment I was lost in admiration at the way the water trickled over his naked body. With a squirt of shower gel in my hands I began soaping him up: rubbing my hands over him, massaging his aching muscles then rinsing him off. I took my time, leaving no part of him uncared for. I put my foot against his calf and pushed to indicate he should spread his legs. Eddie obliged. I put a hand between his legs and massaged his scrotum; instinctively his hips began to move. I removed my hand and placed one on each buttock instead. Kneading his firm muscles I leant against him and quietly told him. "Keep still baby. Your tired. Let me do all the work." I slid a hand through and cupped his ball sack again and this time as I worked it Eddie stayed still. "Good boy, Eddie. Just let me take care of you."

"Grace," he began.

"Sssh, baby. No talking. Just let me take care of you." I drew back and then put both arms around him. Reaching forwards I placed both hands on his erection and started to work its length. Eddie's sighs of pleasure made me feel amazing. An appreciative man is a wonderful thing and such a turn on. I stood tight against him, enjoying the feeling of my breasts pressed against his muscular back and his cock in my hands. Gradually I pleasured him faster and faster and he was finding it harder and harder not to move in time.

"Time to turn round, baby. Ok?"

He nodded so I unfastened him and turned him round. When he was restrained again I took a moment to drink him in with my eyes. I reached out and brushed a nipple with my finger tips. Eddie gave a sensuous shiver of anticipation. I leaned in close to him. "Eddie Langsett, you are the most stunningly beautiful animal I have ever seen." He moved to kiss me but I ducked out of the way and placed a finger on his lips. He opened his eyes and I shook my head at him. A soft groan parted his lips and his eyes closed again.

I leant forwards and kissed his throat and neck and shoulders before lavishing lots of attention on his hard, sensitive nipples. I started to masturbate him again.

"You want a blow job, baby?"

Eddie nodded.

"You want oral sex?"

More nodding.

"You want me to go down on you, baby?"

Frantic nodding.

"You want me to take that beautiful cock in my mouth and suck you off?"

Desperate nodding. "Please." Half sigh, half whisper.

I reached up to the top basket of the shower caddy where I hidden another little surprise earlier and then, kneeling down before him, I pulled the skin of his shaft taut and took as much of him into my mouth as I could. Eddie's eyes flew open, wide, as he jerked against the cuffs. "Holy shit! What's that?"

"Piece of extra strong mint," I grinned up at him.

"Tingly!" It wasn't quite a complaint.

I took his manhood in my mouth again and looked up into his eyes. We kept eye contact and it was clear he was totally into the sight of me naked on my knees in front of him sucking and licking at him as hard as I could. I put a hand on his balls again but this time slid it back towards his anus. I began to finger his hole. Looking up, past his belly and his chest, past his hands cuffed to the wall by his shoulders, I raised an eyebrow. Looking down, he licked his lips and nodded. Slowly, gently I pushed the tip of my finger inside him. His tempo increased. I pushed a little further and all his self control vanished.

His hips began to thrust frantically and rapid little grunts came from his chest.

"Swallow. Swallow. Please swallow." And then he came and I took it all in my mouth, accepting all of him, swallowing him as he so desperately wanted.

I undid the Velcro and a very unsteady Eddie leant against me before wobbling off to collapse on the bed; not caring in the least that he was still sopping wet. I took care of myself in the shower and by the time I reached the bedroom Eddie was sprawled, fast asleep and butt naked, on the bed. "Chilli for one it is then!"

# Chapter Twelve

Thursday dragged but eventually it was over. I crawled home and started throwing clothes in a holdall. I'd been looking forward to going up to Yorkshire all week but now I wasn't sure. I was tired and Eddie was being sniffy about it. Stuff for the weekend packed, my thoughts turned to dinner. My phone went. Eddie's tone! The text read 'Can I come in?'. I looked out of the window and saw the pickup across the road. True to his word, he never entered Wayside without asking first. It seemed strange that this should be one of his few personal boundaries.

'You have to ask?' I sent back, and immediately got,

'Yes.'

'Just get up here so I can ravish you.' Send.

3..2..1.. and the car door was open! I smiled to myself. That first flush of 'activity' most relationships go through was showing no sign of slowing down. Maybe I was going to have to accept that Eddie had a libido the size of Texas and live with it. Ah me! I was sure I'd manage somehow.

The front door rattled and I remembered I'd locked it. I opened it with an apology and he bounded in. "What's for dinner?"

"I haven't christened it yet. Was thinking something simple like pasta and veg."

"Sounds good. So, you going to ravish me before or after?" He thought for a second and added a hopeful "Both?"

I kissed him. "You need a shower."

"Oh. Suppose I am a bit sweaty."

"And smelly."

"Hey! Anyway, I thought you liked me all sweaty and manly?"

"I said I liked it when you were 'dirty' and that wasn't quite what I had in mind."

He peeled off his clothes were he stood and handed them to me before running off naked to the bathroom. I looked at the pile of clothes in my arms and then the naked butt disappearing up the stairs. With a sigh I went to load the washing machine. I knew he had clean clothes upstairs, he seemed to be moving in one change of clothes at a time.

I knew Eddie would need more than pasta and veg so I looked for something to add a bit of protein. It came down to a chicken breast or a tin of tuna. Chicken it was. I wasn't snogging him after he'd eaten tinned tuna. Chicken in the oven and the pans ready to go on the hob, I sat down to watch the news. Political scandal, blah,blah,blah. Financial scandal, blah,blah,blah. Bad weather, blah,blah,blah. Why did I bother? Eddie appeared, scrubbed and in my dressing gown! Fortunately, it was man's anyway, not some flowery number, but it seemed to sum Eddie up; no hang ups, no inhibitions, no boundaries. He moved the pans to the hob. "How long?" A big finger hovered over the timer.

"Ten, please."

As he sat next to me the dressing gown slipped slightly and I could see where I'd bitten him. The scratches and bruises had gone but I got the impression he was quite proud of the little scar on his shoulder. Perhaps if I understood him the magic would disappear? I put my head on his shoulder and we watched the local news. Local scandal, blah,blah,blah. The buzzer went and we sat at the table to eat. I had to smile at him, sat there in my robe, wolfing down pasta like he'd never been fed. I suspected he'd be quite happy to sit there naked but didn't say anything of it, just in case.

When he had been furnishing Wayside, he'd bought an enormous couch that was big enough for us to both lie down on if we squashed together and that was how we spent the evening. At some point the dressing gown came undone and he wrapped it around both of us. It felt peaceful and good. We talked and laughed and all was right with the world. About ten o'clock I decided to turn in. I was hoping for an early start so I could be past Bristol before the Friday rush hour traffic.

"You're still going then?"

"I haven't seen my friends in months. I miss them. Please Eddie, don't be funny about it."

"You could have invited them down here. I'd like to meet them."

"Janie has four kids, a workaholic husband, one dog, three gerbils and a rabbit. Two gerbils." I corrected myself since they'd been having dead rodent trauma last time I rang. "It's easier for me to go up there. You will meet them but when they come down for a week. It just isn't worth it for a weekend. Believe me, after everything Janie's heard she can't wait to meet you!"

Eddie rested his head back and the look on his face was one I now recognised as the one he wore when he was getting a little insecure. "So, what's she been hearing then?"

Maybe a little reassurance could avert the looming argument. "She can't wait to meet this godlike creature that I'm completely smitten with."

"Godlike?" Raised eyebrow.

"Ah ha."

"Smitten with?"

"Definitely!"

"Tell me more about him, this godlike creature."

"Well, he's beautiful."

"Don't you mean handsome?"

"Oh, he's that too, but I do mean beautiful. Every time I see him my heart skips a beat."

"You should prescribe yourself something for that."

"Will you shut up, I am trying to be romantic."

"Okay, sorry."

For a second I had lost my thread. "He has the most wonderful brown eyes."

"Tell me about them."

"When he's happy they are shiny and warm and crinkle at the corners. When he is thinking they are large and dark.When he is cross or insecure they are small and hard."

"Sounds dreamy."

"Oh, he is!"

"Sounds like the type of guy you don't want to leave alone for too long."

"He's the type of guy who'll be picking his teeth off the floor if he ever strays again."

"I didn't stray!"

"You know what I mean, Edward Langsett!" He knew he was in trouble when he got his full name.

"I'm sorry."

I gave a big sigh. "Seriously Eddie. I love you to bits. Why isn't that enough for you?"

"I just get ... twitchy, when you're not around. I miss you."

"I'll be back on Sunday!"

He was in stubborn little boy mode and it was clear he was never going to say he was okay with me going. He was almost pouting. Hmm, those lips.

"Did I mention that the godlike creature has the most amazingly kissable lips?" That got a smile. "And the sexiest smile." Bigger smile.

"So kiss him."

I put my fingers to his jaw and put my lips to his. They were soft and warm.

"Don't go."

"Eddie, don't be unreasonable. You go away with your friends and I know that girls go too. Why can't I go and see my friends?"

"Because when I go away I know where you are. I know you won't meet anyone." Even he thought it was weak now he'd said it out loud.

"Look, I'm going. It is up to you; we can fall out about it and end up not speaking; or, we can go upstairs and you can remind me what I'll be missing so I'll hurry back."

He made a show of having to think about it. "If I'm very good, will you hurry back sooner?"

"Eddie baby, you are always unbelievably good. If when I came back were related to how good you are, I would be back before I had set off!" I looked at him lying there, dressing gown wide open, and I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He looked so perfect. How could any woman in her right mind walk away from him? What must he have been like before he was so damaged? I must have been looking wistful.

"You like what you see?"

I moved my fingers to his chest, feeling the warmth and the soft hair against my tips. "More than I have the words to say!" I had never said a truer thing in my life. "I mean it Eddie."

"Come here." He pulled me back to him and wrapped the robe back around us again. Facing him this time, I could run my hands over all of him whilst we kissed. I love you, my beautiful man-child.

"I love you too." He replied. Guess I must have said that out loud!

"Let's go to bed." He didn't need to ask twice.

Once upstairs he slipped into bed and when I had undressed I slid in next to him. There was lots of kissing and touching and stroking. I pushed him on to his back and started to work my way down his body.

"You go down on me a lot," he observed.

"Are you complaining?"

Shocked laugh, "Shit no!"

I continued working me way down.

"But you do."

"I like to, okay?"

"Really?"

"Really! It makes me feel good. You are very appreciative. You make it very clear how much you enjoy it and I enjoy that."

"I don't know a man who doesn't appreciate a blow job!"

"Yes, but you're different."

An incredulous snort, "How?"

I gave up working my way south and sat up.

"The sighs, the way you move, the little moans that gradually get to be big, loud, sexy moans. The way you lose control. The way you talk dirty. There's nothing like some noisy encouragement to make a girl feel she's good at it and, if she thinks she's good at it she will enjoy doing it. Voila!"

This explanation seemed to satisfy him and he lay there quietly.

"Am I okay to continue now?"

"By all means. I will endeavor to be noisily appreciative."

I rolled my eyes and blew a raspberry in his belly button.

.

Morning came way too early. I tried to get ready without disturbing Eddie but he must have woken whilst I was in the shower. He was sat up when I came back for my holdall.

"Can I stay here and sleep in your bed whilst you are gone?" He said in a small voice.

"Of course. Technically it's your bed anyway."

"No. It's yours and I won't sleep in it without your permission."

"Yes, you may. I've got to go if I'm going to beat the traffic"

"I'll come down."

"You don't need to."

"I want to."

He found a clean pair of jeans and a shirt in the increasingly full drawer of his stuff. When he had found his trainers we walked down to my car. It was cold and still dark. I handed him the house key.

"I should be home Sunday evening and I'll text you when I'm close so I can get in. What are you doing this weekend?"

"Surfing." He ran his hand through his dark hair and was getting visibly agitated. "Don't go!"

"I have said I'll be there. Janie has gone to a lot of trouble and I want to see her and the kids."

"Can I come with you? I could just bob down..." he gestured towards his place, "and grab a few clothes. Wouldn't take five minutes."

I was tempted but "No. Next time Eddie." I wondered how he would transplant to Yorkshire, would he be less devastating out of his own environment?

He ran both hands through his hair and clasped them behind his head. I'd learnt that this signaled he was getting extremely upset. I slung the holdall in the boot and opened the driver door. He stood there and seemed unable to decide if he should walk away or grab me and beg me not to go. In the end I got a half wave from him and he turned uncertainly and semi staggered back to the house. I felt my heart wrench in my chest and I wanted to go after him but I climbed in the Clio and drove off.

.

By the time I reached the motorway I was feeling sick. Keep going, you'll feel better. It was no good, I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind. When I got past Bristol I stopped at the first services. Damn it, too early to ring Janie. I decided to send her a text so she could just read it when it was convenient.

'Hey J, on way. Got serious collywobbles about leaving Eddie. Please ring/text to tell me I'm being stupid. G'

I got a big latte and took it back to the car, where I got my hands free unit from the glove box and set it up, just in case.

I was nearly to Birmingham when the phone rang. Janie's ring tone! I pressed answer.

"Hi Gracie. How you doing?"

"Fine."

"Still got the collywobbles?"

"A bit, yes. He wasn't a happy bunny."

"A weekend on his own won't kill him."

"I know. Who's that kicking off?" In the background I could hear someone squawking.

"It's Georgie. We are out of Rice Crispies and they are the only thing he will eat just lately..."

Listening to my BFF chat about everyday stuff was exactly what I needed. I was like an unofficial auntie to her kids and I adored all four of them. I couldn't wait to see them! A few more minutes and I was happy and excited about my trip again. We rang off and I continued on my way.

I got to Janie's at lunchtime and, for once, it wasn't raining. I parked on the road and the front door was open before I got to it. A big hug and an assurance the kettle was on were my welcome. We were an odd pair in so many ways but it worked. Rather than clashing we just sort of complimented each other. Like a northern patron saint of waifs and strays, Janie was always ready with a brew and an emotional sticky plaster for her various assortment of oddball friends. I would get along with almost anybody and had loads of acquaintances but could count on the fingers of one hand the people I would call friend. Janie was a stronger personality and struggled with people I could tolerate but had a bigger core of real friends. Where I tended to be overly reserved, Janie was into everything and everyone like a terrier. Very up front, what you saw was what you got and I loved her to bits for it. We had a couple of hours before the kids needed picking up so we crashed in the kitchen with a packet of chocolate biscuits and the burning need to gossip.

"Well, tell me about the new man!"

"Oh Janie, I am in so far over my head!"

"So he's bad news then. Thought you were going down south to get away from men?"

"Eddie changes things." I should get that on tape and play it in a loop!

"You look happy. Really happy. Like you used to look years ago. He must be good for you. When do I get to meet him?"

"You nearly did today! He wanted to come with."

"Aw chicken, why didn't he? It's a double in the spare room. You are sleeping together aren't you?"

"Hell yes! I just wanted time away from him; to see if I am still as completely wrapped up in him after a break. He'd have us handcuffed together every second of the day if he could."

"Kinky! Possessive?"

"Much!"

"Lucky bitch! Got any pictures on your phone?"

I realised I hadn't. I laughed. "If I asked him for a picture he'd probably send a nude one. I think he'd quite happily walk round naked if he could."

"Big boy, then."

I could feel myself blushing, "How do you reckon that?"

"Well, he wouldn't be happy to wander round in the buff if he had a tiny todger!" There was a logic to Janie you just couldn't argue with.

I decided to send Eddie a message. 'Hey Gorgeous, hope you working hard. Janie wants to see picture of sexy man. Please send.'

"Speaking of tiny todgers, have you seen my ex around?"

"Oooo meow! Bumped into him at the supermarket last week. He's lost weight. Something is up, he's not a happy camper."

My phone played Eddie's tone and I opened the message. I laughed.

"Let me see!"

I passed the phone over. "Bloody Hell Grace!" She looked a bit uncertain. "He's not quite what I imagined." Janie bit her lip like she was biting a bullet. "He looks big. And young. You into cradle snatching now?"

I shook my head and laughed. "That's Big Mick."

I typed back. 'Idiot! Please send picture of man I will be having sex with when I get back. Unless you want me to fuck Mick, in which case will need address.'

Turning back to the subject I asked if his girlfriend had been with him.

"Do you care?"

"Not really. Would be nice if he was happy with her."

"They are living in your house. The one you pay the mortgage for. I for one would like to see him thoroughly miserable. As for her..."

Fortunately the phone went as another message arrived. This time it was a picture of Eddie. He was in his T-shirt and just covered in dust and bits of plaster. He looked a little self conscious. The attached text must have been written by Mick; it read 'your dirty OLD man'.

I showed Janie and she studied it quietly. She looked at me, "He looks like a heart breaker." She was serious and concerned; possibly even more concerned than when she thought Mick was Eddie.

"He's been a bit of a one in the past."

"Details?"

"Don't have any. People keep alluding to it but no-one gives details."

"Not good, sweetie. Not good at all. Watch yourself."

I looked at Eddie's picture again. So many people wanted us together; Marilyn, James, Stuart, Roisin, Mick; but Janie had good instincts. There were an alarming number of red flags waving; his chequered relationship history; so serious too soon; his possessiveness and insecurity. Why hadn't I let him grab some clothes and come with me? Did I have misgivings? Or was I just over thinking things? Who gave a toss, I was here now and I was going to have a good time.

We changed subject and before long it was time to walk down and pick up Janie's brood. It was noisy and chaotic all the way home and I loved it. Late afternoon was a whirlwind of homework and wrestling. Paul picked up pizza on the way home as a special treat. We'd just opened a bottle of wine when the doorbell went. It was Mel and Jenni. I hadn't seen them in ages but it didn't seem to matter: it could have been yesterday as we caught up. I only had two glasses of wine but felt smashed as we squealed and squawked. We reminisced about our time together at the hospital, the stupid things we'd done, the dreams that came true and the ones that didn't. I was exhausted when they left at eleven. We turned in not long after. As Janie pointed out, with four young kids she was likely to be up again at some point in the night. Tired as I was sleep would not come.

About one o'clock my phone went. Message from Eddie. 'I miss you'

I sent one back. 'You not sleeping either?'

I changed to phone to vibrate only so if he replied we would not disturb anyone. Within a minute it shook.

'Wide awake in your bed. Missing you like crazy.'

'I love you. Go to sleep!' I returned.

A few seconds and another buzz. 'If you loved me you'd be here with me, not up there breaking my heart.'

'That hurt!'

'Sorry. Need to curl up with you.'

'Can't sleep without you either'

'Come home.'

This was driving me crazy. I got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. Sitting at the kitchen table hoping for answers that weren't there, I made a brew and Janie appeared.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to wake you." I apologised.

"You didn't. Couldn't sleep."

"Make you a cuppa?"

She smiled and sat down. When we both had a cup of something hot to hold we talked.

"You want to go back, don't you?"

"That obvious?"

"To anyone who knows you. Oh, to be young and in love!"

"Well, in love anyway!" I quipped.

"And you really love him?" Serious again.

"It's more of an obsession. He has taken over my life."

"It's not a rebound thing, is it?"

"No, I think."

"You don't sound sure."

"I'm not sure of anything anymore except I want to be with him."

"So, when are we meeting up again?"

"Why don't you all come down for New Year? You could stop at mine. It'd be a little break for you."

"A few days in Devon? I'd like that. And I'd get to meet this Eddie."

"He really is gorgeous."

"Then go and enjoy him, just don't get hurt. He looks and sounds like a heartbreaker. Watch yourself."

"What about the kids?"

"I'll sort it. They'll forgive you if they think there's a trip to the beach in it for them!"

I got dressed and chucked my stuff back in the holdall. Janie gave me a big hug and waved me off. I must have been out of my tiny mind driving all the way back in the middle of the night.

It wasn't until I was nearly home that I remembered that I didn't have a key. I pulled into a layby. It was early, should I risk ringing him? I decided just to go home and wait for him to get up; he was an early riser anyway. When I pulled up outside Wayside the pickup wasn't there. It was just coming light. I drove down to his place but the truck wasn't there either. The beach! I bet he was at the beach already!

.

I found his pickup in the car park so I knew I was right and he was surfing. I parked next to it and trotted down the steps to the sand. It was freezing and only the most hardened beach bums were out, but which of them was Eddie? I walked along a little bit, scanning the waves.

A voice bellowed "Doc!"

Further along the sand a figure was waving at me. Mick! I trotted over to him.

"Hey Mick."

"I thought you were away this weekend?"

"So did I." I replied ruefully.

"Couldn't keep away?"

"Something like that," I admitted. "Eddie out there?"

"Sure is. I'm just heading out, I'll let him know."

"Thanks. I'm heading to the Duck shortly. Can I bring you anything back?"

"A bacon sarnie please. Couple of sausages, too?"

I nodded.

Mick whipped his fleece off and dropped his pants. Fortunately, or not depending on your point of view, he already had his wetsuit on underneath. Mind you, Mick in neoprene was pretty impressive. The man mountain winked, grabbed his board and ran off towards the surf. He ran into the sea near two other figures, one of whom began to run back up the beach. Eddie. I watched him get closer. Wow, Mick had looked good but Eddie..... Eddie was spectacular. When he got to me he was a little out of breath so he waited a moment.

"Thought you were in Yorkshire?"

"I was."

"What you doing here then?"

I sighed. "You know what I am doing here."

He squinted at me. "Be nice to hear you say it."

Another sigh. "I came back early because I couldn't bear to be away from you."

Big grin. "I knew you couldn't resist me in rubber!"

I had to laugh. He hugged me and even though he was wet through I was so glad to see him I didn't mind. He kissed me and his lips were cold and salty. I just wanted more.

"You're not going to tell me off for getting you all wet?"

I shook my head.

He looked impressed.

"The only problem with you in rubber is the length of time it would take me to get you out of it."

"At least an hour, I'm going back in!"

"I'm going to get breakfast from The Duck. Want anything?"

"Pasty, please. You look tired."

"Can't think why! See you shortly then." I turned to trudge back down the beach.

"Grace!"

I paused.

"Thank you."

"For a pasty?"

He gave me a look that said 'you know damn well I'm not talking about the pasty,' and then he was off, running back down to the water.

When I got to the cafe I ordered a large coffee to drink in straightaway and then asked for two pasties and a bacon and sausage sandwich to go in about ten minutes. I thought about the third figure in the water and ordered another pasty and sandwich just in case. Aw man, the coffee was good and the cafe was warm. I didn't really want to go back to the beach; I just wanted to curl up at the table and sleep. Caffeine fix consumed I took the food and went to find the boys. They must have been hungry because as I walked along the sand three figures ran up to meet me. Turns out the third surfer was Phil and he was more than happy to eat both the extra sandwich and the extra pasty. Where did he put it? He was like a pipecleaner.

"Oh Ed, this one's a keeper!" He marveled when he found out there was food for him too. They grabbed their grub and boards and we walked back to the car park. I sat in my car and just closed my eyes whilst they got changed next to the pickup. I wasn't bothered about seeing a bit of flesh, I just had to rest my eyes. A bang on my windscreen made me jump. Eddie was ready to go.

"Meet you at yours?" he asked and I nodded.

I started the car and with a wave to Mick and Phil I drove off. In the rear view I saw the pickup follow.

He pulled in behind me at the house and we walked up together. I spent several moments searching my handbag before I looked up and saw Eddie was holding the key. Of course! I was absolutely beat. He opened the door for me.

"Can I come in?"

I just grabbed the front of his fleece and dragged him in. I collapsed on the settee. As I lay spread out Eddie straddled me.

"Well," he announced happily, "how am I going to punish you for going away?" Fingertips started to stroke my hair thoughtfully.

I opened an eye. "I came back. Early. I have spent twelve hours driving out of just over twenty four to be with you. I think I deserve rewarding not punishing."

He leant over to kiss me and he still tasted of salt. "May be a bit of both then?"

"Don't you need to shower? Please?"

He jumped up. "Okay but you rest, you're going to need it." He went off upstairs and after a few moments I heard the shower running.

I must have dozed off and woke in the afternoon. Eddie was sat in the arm chair watching the telly. I lifted my head.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty! Feel better?"

"What time is it?"

"Three and time for you to find out what happens if you go away."

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded and I saw he was serious. He stood up and held his hand out to help me up. Part of me was intrigued so I took it and got up. He lead me upstairs to the bedroom.

"Get undressed." He went to the bathroom and turned the bath taps on. I was down to my bra and pants when he came back.

"All off!"

Totally naked now he led me through to the bathroom. The bath must have been almost ready for a while and he was just topping it up with hot. Satisfied when he tested it, he turned the tap off.

"Get in."

A lovely hot bath, oh yes! I stepped in and lay down gratefully. "Stay there." Like there was any danger of me moving. Oh, this was heavenly!

He was gone about five minutes and then he came back in and told me to get out of the bath. Reluctantly I did so. I stood there whilst he toweled me dry, allowing him to rub and pat me all over.

"Okay, come on." He took my hand and led me back to the bedroom. He'd been busy. On one bedside table was a glass of iced water, on the other was a cup of tea and laid out across the bed was what looked like a long black strap.

"Get on the bed."

I must have looked uncertain.

"If you love me, if you have missed me and if you are sorry for leaving me; you will get on the bed."

I was curious and, I hate to admit it, a little turned on. I knelt on the bed. On closer inspection, the strap was a bar covered in nylon webbing with velcro cuffs at each end and two in the middle.

"Er, Eddie..." I started but he put a finger to my lips.

"Sssh, my lover. You have to be sorry you left me."

I looked at the bar nervously and then back at him.

"I am." I said quietly.

He smiled then kissed me and started fondling my breasts. "No. Really sorry. You have to cry and scream how sorry you are."

I was getting a little spooked now. I shook my head, "Eddie..."

Finger to my lips again. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." A simple answer to a simple question.

"Then let me do this. I won't hurt you. If you tell me to stop I will. I just need to do this. I need to know that you love me and trust me enough to let me take you further than you would go with anyone else. Please?"

Did I trust him to stop when I asked him to if he had me trussed up like a chicken? Yes, I did. Okay, let him experiment. Who knows, I might enjoy it? I nodded and waited for whatever came next.

"Stay kneeling. Spread your legs wide." He placed the bar between my legs and put an end cuff tight around each ankle. He rubbed my bum.

"Good girl. Now bend over and put your arms between your legs." He took my wrists and pulled them so my face and shoulders were pressed against the mattress and he could put the wrist cuffs in the middle of the bar on me. I was now restrained, bent double with my bottom in the air and my girlie bits on display. I felt faintly ridiculous rather than sexy but if it kept Eddie happy. His finger started to stroke along me and involuntarily I moved.

"Ah ah, my lover. Keep still for me. You have to keep still and quiet until you scream my name and tell me you are sorry for going and promise you won't do it again."

You'll have a long wait, I thought to myself, but not with as much certainty as I would have liked.

A finger pushed inside me. I managed to stay still but a small "Uh!" escaped my lips. The finger withdrew and finger tips pulled my labia tautly apart. Oh God! I thought to myself. A soft, warm mouth kissed my most intimate parts and I nearly cried out but managed to keep silent. A tongue pushed itself, wet and warm, into my entrance and licked slowly forward to my clit. I sucked air but made no other noise.

"Good girl," Eddie laughed.

He reached over and took an ice cube from the glass. He reached under me and rubbed it slowly round each nipple in turn. He then took it and rubbed it on my clitoris. I did gasp that time. When it had melted he took another cube and rubbed it up and down me until it had melted and I was wet and dripping. The he took a swig of tea and put mouth to my privates again. Hot, soft flesh pressed where seconds before there had been cold, hard ice was electrifying. I gasped again and was shushed. He reached over to the glass again and took two ice cubes. Gently he inserted one into my pussy and despite the spreader bar I squirmed. I felt the second cube against my anus and jolted. "No, Eddie!"

"Yes, it's okay." But I noticed he removed it.

"I can't."

"You can. Please my lover, take it for me."

"Talk to me while you do it. Talk me through it." The ice cube returned.

He was smiling broadly. "Alright baby. This will be cold for a little while but it won't hurt. It's alright, I'm just pushing it now." He pushed the ice cube right up inside my back passage. It didn't hurt but he was right, this was well outside my comfort zone and I definitely would not be doing this with anyone else. A warm, wet mouth applied itself to my to my clit, licking and sucking, and instantly the ice cubes were forgotten. He had this little flicking thing he did with the tip of his tongue that drove me wild and made me moan loudly.

"You ready to scream you're sorry yet?"

"Nuh uh"

"More it is then."

Oh yes!

A finger, then two, went up inside me; working and stretching my womanhood. "Come on, my lover. Let's get you ready for me. Let's make that pussy really wet. You can't have it until you ache for it." I couldn't move and I wouldn't cry out so all I could do was be still and endure the pleasure he was forcing on me. Eddie got off the bed to get undressed. He made sure he stripped where I could see him and his big, hard cock. I stared at it and I knew that I would scream his name and cry and beg for his forgiveness. He got back on the bed behind me and I felt the tip of his cock at my entrance. He pushed into me hard and fast and I let out a loud "Oh!" He started to move back and forth inside me. He felt so good I wanted to scream. I bit my lip to stop myself.

"Oh yes, oh yes." He was moaning. "My dirty little whore. That feels so good. Do you like it?"

"Yes!"

He slammed into me hard. "I said 'do you like it?' " He demanded.

"Yes! Yes! I like it!" I shouted and he went back to sliding in and out.

"Better! God, I love fucking you. I really do. There's just something about ramming my cock up you and fucking you. You make me come so hard. Harder than I've ever come before. You must have a magic pussy. and a magic mouth, and magic tits."

We'd had a little bit of dirty talk before but nothing like this. He was making me crazy for him.

"Touch it. Please, touch it." I whimpered.

"Touch what, baby?"

"My clit." I managed.

"Are you ready to orgasm?"

"Yes."

"Do you want it? Do you want it now?"

"Oh yes, yes please!"

He pulled out and left me panting for it. He laughed. "Shout you are sorry."

"No."

He leaned over and picked up another ice cube. "This should cool you down." They had melted and were only small now so he picked up a couple more and pushed them where seconds before his hot cock had been. I almost screamed but still would not say sorry.

He slapped my bottom hard and it hurt but somehow I didn't mind.

Facing the foot of the bed he gripped me with an arm round my waist and pushed a finger into my pussy.He started to move it, all the way in and then all the way out, again and again. I wanted it so bad I was crying. He was moving it faster and faster until he was pumping it in and out and I was wailing for the real thing. "Tell me!" He was panting hard. "Beg for it!"

"Fuck me Eddie. Please. Oh please, fuck me. I want your dick in me. I need it. Please baby please! Oh yes. Oh oh oh!" I was on the verge of climax.

Abruptly he pulled his finger out and I could feel tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks. "Are you ready? I'm going to make you scream now."

"Oh yes! I'm ready! Please Eddie." No pride, no self respect, just the all consuming need for release and to be completely his.

He penetrated me again with his beautiful cock and I moaned loudly with ecstacy.

"Take it, you dirty bitch. Take all of it. I love fucking you. You like it hard and dirty, don't you? DON'T YOU?!" He yelled at me.

"Yes, yes!" I screamed.

He was thrusting harder and faster. "Say it! Scream it! SCREAM IT!! He was fucking me frantically now and my orgasm hit me. I was bucking and straining against the restraints and Eddie. I was screaming "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Eddie." And then I was screaming in earnest and I had no idea what I was screaming. As I finished I could hear him demanding "And the rest. Say the rest!"

I was crying uncontrollably. "I'm sorry. I won't ever leave you." I sobbed. "I won't do it again. I swear I won't." I momentarily choked on a sob. "I promise I'll be good girl. Your good girl, Eddie. Only you."

He pulled his cock out and began pleasuring himself frantically. The head of his cock kept slapping against my bottom. He was jerking off like a man possessed. "Oh yes! Mine! Completely mine!"

I felt his cum spurt over my bum. He sat down panting and began to smear his semen over me, using his fingers to wipe it up into my pussy and my back passage, marking his territory. He undid the cuffs and I collapsed in an exhausted heap. He lay next to me so he could put an arm around my head and watch as he pushed a finger into my mouth and made me suck his cum from it. He moved it back and forth, gently fucking my mouth with it. "No one else will ever have you as completely as I can. You let me take you totally, you'll never give yourself to another man like that." Strange the way the same event affects different people. Now we knew what I would do for him; what I would willingly submit to and enjoy just because it was him; he was peaceful and contented. I was a little frightened; frightened of what I had done; frightened that I had enjoyed it; frightened because I now suspected that there was nothing I would not do with Eddie Langsett.

# Chapter Thirteen

Sunday morning came and for once I was awake before Eddie. I looked at him lying there, all peaceful and innocent, and decided not to wake him. I slid out of bed, grabbed some clothes and crept downstairs. I made tea and toast. I felt rattled enough without coffee. The smell of toast must have wafted upstairs and woken him because I heard the bed creak and then footsteps. When he appeared he was barefoot but had pulled on jeans and a shirt. He hadn't bothered to button the shirt and it flapped about as he trotted downstairs. It wasn't fair. He was still half asleep, in need of a shave, serious bed hair, not quite dressed and the bastard still looked fantastic. Nobody should be allowed to look that fine without major effort.

"Toast?" I asked, and when he nodded I got up and reloaded the toaster. The butter was still out so I stood waiting and he snuggled up against my back. Sweet, gentle Eddie this morning. Just as well, I didn't think I could handle anything else. The toast popped up and I began to butter it.

"Are you okay?" He inquired solicitously.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You seem quiet and your hands are shaking."

I looked at them and he was right.

"I just feel a bit...different."

"Are you okay about yesterday?"

"I think so."

"You think so?" He echoed through a mouthful of toast.

"You still okay about vanilla?"

Big smile and he whispered, "Come upstairs and I'll show you."

I had to smile back.

"So, Grace, what's wrong?"

"That bar. Is it something you pre-planned and bought or is it something you've... you know."

"Used on other women?"

"I was going to say 'just had lying around' but yes, I suppose that's what I really mean."

"Neither. If you don't like it I will never do it again. Course, if you did like it I will have to get my own bar."

"That's not yours?"

"No, it's Mick's."

"Oh my God! You borrowed it? From Mick?" Instant mortification!

"Yeah, you ought to see his collection!"

Several things occurred to me at once. "How do you know about Mick's....collection?"

"Women aren't the only ones who talk, you know. Don't tell me you didn't know Mick is kinky?"

I had so much to say the words log jammed. "Well, I suppose he's not exactly short of admirers and some of them would probably be quite happy to be restrained." I managed.

"Er, no."

"No? Oh no!"

"Oh yes! The bar is for him."

"Bloody Hell! That's not a mental image I wanted."

"Hey!? I don't want you having any sexy mental images of Mick!"

"We are getting off the point. You borrowed it from Mick. He knows what you wanted it for."

"Yup. His suggestion."

"Bloody Hell! " I repeated. "I'm never going to be able to look him in the eye again." I couldn't even begin to imagine how that conversation had gone.

"You wouldn't believe the stuff he has got!" Eddie distracted me.

Curiosity got the better of me. "Like?"

"Whips, paddles, ropes, gags; told him those wouldn't be any good, you liked your men noisy."

OMG! "Eddie! You really don't have any personal boundaries, do you?"

He just laughed and shrugged. He studied me and the laughter faded to a thoughtful smile. "So, don't you talk to Janie about what we do?"

"I do a bit but I don't ring her up and pre-plan with her how best to tie you up and screw you. 'Oi Janie, I thought tonight I'd push a dildo up his butt. Any suggestions?' How did you ever get into a conversation like that in the first place?"

"Just chatting while we worked. He could tell I was uneasy about you being away. I wanted to surprise you when you got back."

"You did that alright! Where the ice cubes his suggestion as well?"

"No. That was all me. I was thinking of ideas to keep you interested."

"You don't have to."

"I want to. I want to be the best."

"You are!" I was getting exasperated with this obsession.

"And I don't want you imagining Mick!"

"For crying out loud Eddie, I have told you...."

He started laughing and I knew I'd been had.

He kissed me. "Seriously now, how did you feel about what we did yesterday? Is it something you want more of? Are there things you want to do to me?"

"It was a little...further out there...than I've gone before. I'm not sure. It was good because it was with you and I feel safe with you, but it wasn't something I would want for its own sake. Or at least I don't think I would. I don't know."

"You know you can have anything you want from me, don't you? I have no limits. You can do anything you want to me. If hurting me arouses you I can take it. If there are ways you want me to hurt you, ways you couldn't ask anyone else for, you can ask me and if this body can do it, its yours."

I was starting to feel flushed and it wasn't embarrassment. I realised I was clenching the butter knife so hard it hurt. I put the knife down and turned in his arms to face him. I put a hand behind his head and pulled his mouth to mine. The other hand slipped down to his crotch and rubbed it. He was so responsive he was amazing. When we broke I was very hot and bothered.

"Tell me. What do you want? Right now?" Eddie's voice was hoarse and breathy.

"I want to take you upstairs, get on top of you and ride you until I come. And while I am having you, I want you to tell me all the dirty things you would do if I wanted. Is that specific enough for you?"

"It's a start." He led me upstairs and we undressed each other.

I went down on him for a short time, to get him ready. When he was big and wet I lay him down and climbed on top of him. I began to move on him, taking him slowly.

'Tell me, Eddie. Tell me just what a bad boy you'd be for me."

Eddie started talking; things that turned me on; things that repulsed me; things that were sexy; things that were sick. He would let me beat him, he would let me humiliate him, he would wear a cock cage so I knew he was mine alone, he would let me cut him and pierce him, I would never need anyone else, he would meet any need I had. The only thing he wouldn't do, couldn't do, was share me. It was suddenly very hot in the bedroom and my head was spinning. I was rocking on him, back and forth, making love to his cock as his voice made love to my ears. He would do anything for me. The power I had over him. He was mine, totally, utterly, completely mine. He always would be. Even if I didn't love him and sent him away, he would be mine alone. It didn't matter how I hurt him. He would debase himself entirely as long as he could be mine. Him, his words, it was all too much for my senses to take and I came. As I sat on top of him, panting and aching, I realised I'd been too quick and he hadn't found release yet.

"There is one thing you can do for me."

"Anything."

I climbed off him and sat between his legs. "Bring yourself off, pleasure yourself, for me, please."

A dark eyebrow arched with interest. "Will you talk to me while I do it?"

"Yes, baby. What do you need to hear?"

He put a hand around his hard on and started to stroke it up and down. "I need to hear how much you love me. I need you to reassure me that I am your only man."

I watched him working himself, getting faster and harder, as I told him that I loved him; that I was obsessed with him; that the thought of touching any other man but him made me sick; that I would kill him if he so much as looked at anyone else; that I could do things with him I would never be able to do with anyone else because I trusted him and I knew I was safe with him. His hand was jerking his penis frantically and his hips were thrusting against nothing. Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Gutteral grunting.Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah! Then he was shouting my name and begging please. The noise was deafening. Suddenly he went quiet except for soft moans and his cum lay glistening over his belly. I traced a finger tip through it and put it to his lips. He sucked my finger and my mind was blown. He really, truly had no limits. My lover was capable of anything I might desire. He was the ultimate lover, the ultimate man and he was mine.

"I guess what it all comes down to is that just being with you is what matters. What we do isn't so important to me. Maybe when we've been together longer I will actively want more exotic things but right now even just holding your hand makes me light up like a Christmas tree. I have everything I want in you."

One brown eye opened and twinkled at me. "Grace, you are a hopeless romantic!" but he sounded pleased.

"I wasn't until I met you. You change things.You changed me."

"Oh no. I don't ever want you to change." He pulled me down next to him and we cuddled.

After a while, he observed, "I think its time for a shower."

"We're out of food too."

"Shower and shopping today then," as he dragged me out of bed and towards the bathroom.

As he switched the shower on I started giggling and he raised en eyebrow. "I will have a huge smile all the way round the supermarket. It will annoy all the other shoppers."

.

Since the weekend Eddie had been acting oddly, clingy yet distracted. He was constantly touching me yet going back to the cottage and his own bed at night. I felt another talk coming on. By Thursday I was climbing the walls. We hadn't had sex since Sunday and Eddie couldn't normally go without for more than a day or two. Thursday night, I'd decided I'd had enough and I was having him. I put on my sexiest underwear; a black, lacy basque with matching thong; a slinky wrap round dress and then I took him out to dinner. I drove and I insisted he have some wine.

"You're very attentive tonight." He observed over the coffee.

"Aren't I always?" I purred at him. I leaned forwards, making sure he got an eyeful of cleavage. "Anything in particular I can attend to tonight?" Under the tablecloth I ran a hand up the inside of his thigh. For a second I thought he was going to spit his coffee out but he managed to swallow it without choking.

"What did you have in mind?" He was doing that bloke thing where they talk to your boobs.

I shrugged and sighed, making sure my bosom rose and fell. "I thought we might go back to yours and I could seduce you. If you want."

"What are you going to do to me?" The question sounded innocent but the smile was sly and knowing.

My hand moved up from his thigh to a place the tablecloth barely covered. "Anything you want!"

He swallowed and flushed. Oh yeah, I was so having him tonight!

I leant even further towards him and he leant towards me.

I whispered in his ear. "You haven't been near me in days. I am so crazy for you I'll do anything. Anything at all." My hand rubbed over him slowly. Oh! Hardening nicely! Ever ready Eddie.

He bit his lip before a wide lascivious grin split his face. God, I wanted to bite that lip too!

"Come on, Eddie baby. There must be something you want, something I can do for you?"

"Pay the bill and get me home, fast!"

"And then what?" I kissed his ear. If he said that he was going to go to sleep I was going to disembowel him with his own dessert spoon!

"Depends how desperate to please me you are." Cheeks flushed, pupils dilated, all the classic signs of a man experiencing a fair amount of desperation of his own.

"Oh yes? How can I please you? What do you want?" When we left he was going to have to hide that impressive erection I was currently caressing behind his jacket.

"You know what I want."

Truthfully, I didn't. Eddie usually wanted lots of things. "Spell it out for me, baby."

"I want to be your first."

Okay, now I knew where he was going with this.

"And why should I do that?"

"Because you left me alone."

"One night, Eddie.You can do better than that."

"Because I know you haven't done it before. I can't be your first lover but you can give yourself to me like you have never given yourself to anyone else. You can make me special to you."

"You are special to me," I smiled.

"REALLY special. Closer, more intimate. Just..." He was struggling for the words now. His eyes were burning. "Just...something just for me, something just with me. Only with me. Please."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"Get me home NOW!" He grabbed his jacket.

.

Eddie was already trying to tug my dress off in the car on the way home. What with the seatbelt, me changing gear and me slapping his busy hands away he made surprisingly little progress. Back at his, he practically dragged me from the car and into the house. My dress was open and he had me up against the wall before I'd even had chance to put the keys down. He held the dress open and looked at me in the basque. "Sweet Jesus," he gasped and his face was buried in my cleavage in an instant. He hadn't shaved since the morning and his stubble scratched my soft skin, half tickling half hurting. He trailed kisses and playful little nips with the tips of his teeth up my neck to my ears. His whole body was pressing and rubbing and writhing against mine. "Yes? Still yes?" he panted.

"Still yes." Inwardly, I was getting cold feet.

He grabbed my legs and lifted me so I could wrap them round him before he carried me into the bedroom. My dress was roughly pulled off and the thong he just ripped off like it was made of paper. "On the bed, baby." Panting and rubbing and making me so crazy for him. I lay down for him. I knew I was going to do anything he asked me. I was never ever going to say no to this man. He was looking round frantically. Reaching a decision, he snatched two ties from the wardrobe.

Eddie used the ties to fasten my arms to the corners of the bedstead. At this point I was shaking.

"It's ok, my lover. It's going to be alright. Sssh." Slowly he caressed my breasts through the lace of my basque; stroking, squeezing, working my nipples with his thumbs; then kissing, licking, sucking; and all the time murmuring and whispering, reassuring. Cold, wet lace now clung to my curves.

I looked at him with large frightened eyes. "Please don't hurt me, Eddie."

"Never." He put a finger to my lips to shush me then bent to kiss me; taking his time, no hurry. His lips turned their attention to my neck and my throat, relaxing me, quietening me.

"Open your legs my love."

I obeyed and he moved to kneel between them. He pulled a pillow from under my head and lifted my bottom so he could place it underneath. All I could do was lie there spreadeagled with my pelvis raised and my fanny on display like some prize slut. Eddie smiled at me with lust filled eyes which were intent on my most private region. Carefully he parted my womanhood and held me wide. "You are so beautiful." He made a V with the first and middle finger of one hand and placed it against my labia, pressing down and pushing up, uncloaking my clit. The air on my sensitive parts made me gasp. The sound made him look up. His eyes met mine. "Oh, you are going to be making a lot more noise than that before I left you come." He bent over and his warm wet mouth made me arch and squirm. I felt his tongue probing at the entrance to my vagina then it ran forward to my exposed bud. "Oh God." I couldn't stop myself from calling out. It felt like someone had scraped every nerve in my body with a hot wire. Having found his target he played with it, gently at first with the tip of his tongue, gradually getting firmer until he was licking me hard and sucking me into his mouth. I knew it wouldn't take much more for me to slide into orgasm.

"Eddie?"

He looked up without removing his mouth from my privates. I couldn't look away, I was hypnotised looking into his dark eyes whilst he gave head.

"I'm going to come."

He sat up. "Not yet, my lover. You have to give me everything before you are allowed to come, remember?"

I nodded, fear and embarrassment being replaced by arousal and sexual need.

He was still holding my clit exposed and the saliva coated little pleasure button was feeling cold. An interesting sensation.

"Eddie?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"I need you to talk dirty, baby. Please Baby."

"Do you get off on it?"

"Yes, Baby, you know I do. Please?"

"Whose dirty whore are you?"

"Yours. Your dirty whore Eddie."

"Don't you ever forget it!" and the finger plunged into me.

He started to move it around, slowly stretching me. More soft nasty words. Things we'd done. Things he wanted to do. Graphic, scary, arousing.

"Hmmm!" I couldn't help myself.

"You like?"

"Oh shit, yes!" I nodded vigorously.

"Grind it."

I began to move my hips trying to use his finger to give myself more delicious sensations.

He pulled it out and I whimpered with frustration and longing. Leaning over he pushed his wet finger into my mouth and encouraged me to lick it clean. When he was satisfied he leant over to the bedside drawers and I could see his engorged manhood. That was what I wanted; that beautiful dick buried to the hilt inside me. When he sat up he was holding a tube of lube.

He pushed two finger up into me. By now I was panting hard.

Suddenly serious, he asked, "How close are you to coming?"

"Very!" Equally serious.

"OK. You still up for this?"

I managed to nod.

He popped the lid and smeared a blob on me. It was cold and wet. His finger worked it around and into the entrance to my back passage and all the time he talked. "It's OK Baby. Relax. I won't be rough with you. You know I need this. You can take it, my lover, try to relax." On and on, I thought I was going to climax from his words alone.

More lube was squeezed on to me and on to his hand. I felt his finger again teasing me. Slowly he pushed it up me and I couldn't help but squirm. He moved it up and down and around, stretching me, preparing me; working more of the watery jelly up in to me. Then a second finger joined the party. Two fingers where two fingers didn't ought to be, kneading, massaging. Yet more gel and sliding, stretching sensations that were becoming almost pleasant.

When I was used to the finger penetration and could relax a bit, he knelt up and I watched as he rolled a condom over his erection. He positioned himself and then slowly, carefully pushed. Just relax, I kept telling myself. Further and further, more and more. I was trying, I really was. For the first time ever I found myself wishing Eddie was a little less well endowed! My eyes were watering. When Eddie was completely inside and stopped moving it became bearable. I had a whole new level of respect for James!

"Are you okay?" Eddie's voice was a hoarse whisper.

I couldn't answer him truthfully. It feels like you are tearing me in two probably wasn't what he wanted to hear ."You like this?"

"Oh God, yes!" Fevered and fervent.

"You done this before?"

Even through the fog of lust, the idea that this was perhaps dangerous ground reached him. He managed a guarded, "Yes."

"She enjoy it?"

"Yes." Guarded with a hint of pride. "You're not, are you?"

"I want to, for you."

Slowly Eddie pulled out. I grunted and groaned as he withdrew. I wasn't sure if it was exquisitely painful or just exquisite. He undid the ties and gently rolled me on to my side. Spooning up behind me he put his arms around me and held me against his chest. "Let's try it this way, baby." With that he entered my back passage again. Lying this way I could relax a bit more; I felt less exposed, more protected. He stroked my hair and talked quietly to me as he started to move. It was uncomfortable but bearable in this position, probably because he couldn't get as deep inside me. The image of him doing this with another woman haunted me.

"It was a woman, wasn't it?"

Eddie's body shook as he laughed. "Yes!" He continued to take me for a few moments then stopped. He knew enough about women to know that wheels were turning. There were a few tender kisses on my neck before his low, sexy voice poured words into my ear. "She wasn't beautiful like you. I wasn't her first. It wasn't as good as this. It wasn't special like this. I didn't love her." He knew how to play my mind as expertly as he knew how to play my body. "Please? Give me this. Yes?"

My turn to laugh even if it was uncomfortable. "Always yes to you."

"Always?"

"Always."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Kinky shit?"

I had to laugh again. "Especially kinky shit. You are spending far too much time with Mick, you know that don't you?"

He snorted with amusement then all joking aside he hissed, "I've done things that even Mick would baulk at. You have no idea how bad I can be."

My heart felt like it was trying to thump its way out of my chest and I wasn't sure if I was scared or turned on.

"Eddie, fuck me."

I was sure I could hear a tremor in his voice when he replied, "Oh I will! I will!"

He was trying to be gentle but quickly lost himself in the physical sensations. Rapid shallow thrusting was accompanied by soft animal noises. He didn't last long, thankfully. I could feel his cock twitching as he moaned triumphantly, "Mine, oh fuck yes, all mine." He stayed cuddled up to me for a while then pulled out and took the rubber off. He looked sleepy and very happy.

"Open your legs again, my lover." He put his mouth to my privates once more. No ambivalence here; definitely just exquisite. I could look down and watch his head between my thighs. I watched him bob up and down as his lips and tongue worked their magic on my aching little button. I was so close to exploding. I put my hands to his head holding his face in to me. "More?" he looked up at me.

"Please baby. Can you?"

He grinned; not his goofy grin but his big, dangerous wolfish one. Holding my gaze he went down on me again. As his tongue lapped at me, my head thrust back in to the pillow. "Oh God! Urgh! Eddie, yes oh yes." Lapping and sucking and kissing. My back arched up, seemingly with a mind of its own, and I could hear my voice screaming his name over and over as I clawed at the air. This man! Oh yes, this man! I never wanted any other man but this one between my legs right now, ever. When it was over I started laughing. I was going to have to buy him dinner more often!

# Chapter Fourteen

I was stood, still in my dressing gown, washing up. Even though I had a dishwasher, when I was on my own it didn't seem worth loading it up. I liked the view from the window; I could watch cars going up and down the lane. It always surprised me that for what appeared to be such a small hamlet there were so many. I supposed that many of the properties were like Eddie's, hidden from sight. Hmm, thinking of him! I hadn't seen him for a few days and I was missing him something fierce. It was cold and grey outside; just the sort of Sunday morning for curling up in bed with a good man. Right on cue a shiny black pickup pulled up across the road. My phone started to ring 'Big Bad Handsome Man' and I chuckled to myself. True to his word, Eddie had never set foot in Wayside without asking first.

I pressed the green button. "Just the man I was thinking about!"

"Good things, I hope." If I was with him for a hundred yours, that accent would still make me melt.

"Oh no. Nasty, dirty, sexy things!"

He gave a belly laugh. "Can I come up?"

"You have a key?"

"No." He said deliberately as if speaking to someone a little dense. "I gave the spare key to Mum, you know that."

"Just checking! The door will be open before you get to it."

"Want to bet?" The phone went dead and he was out of the truck and running. Being a naturally forgetful person I make a point of always putting my keys in a bowl by the door. Otherwise I regularly spend frantic minutes ransacking the house looking for them. I got the door unlocked and was back at the sink when he charged through it. He was not at all miffed to have been beaten. He was beaming and again I couldn't believe my luck in landing this gorgeous guy. He was wearing a baggy, navy fisherman jumper that was a favourite of mine. I had passed comment that I thought he looked very attractive in it and since then he wore it a lot. As he cuddled up behind me I protested that he was wet so he held me tighter and rubbed against me harder as I squealed and giggled. Eventually he let me get back to washing up. A rough hand moved my hair so soft lips could tickle my neck. His breath on my skin gave me goose bumps. Standing at the kitchen sink was getting to be my favourite spot in the house! With a sigh I finished the last dish and dried my hands. I turned so I could put my arms around him and he carried on nuzzling at my throat.

"You smell incredible." He murmured.

"Hmm, you too."

"Have you missed me?"

I decided not to be clever just honest. "I don't sleep well when you're not with me."

In between kisses he asked, "You didn't.....You know.....Touch yourself? You promised me you wouldn't."

"No, I didn't. It was hard though. Missing you, thinking about you and not doing anything about it. Frustrating."

"You don't do that anymore. That's my job remember. No-one but me touches you and you only touch yourself when I am with you."

"I know. Just don't leave me alone too long." By now he was working on my ear and the sound of him breathing was making me burn. "Eddie?"

He looked up and I flicked my eyes towards the stairs.

He smiled a wolfish smile. "Persuade me."

"Persuade you?"

"Men like to be made to feel desirable too."

"Oh believe me, you are so desirable you drive me crazy." If he needed a little reassurance he would get it. I ran my hands down to grab his bum. "I need you, baby. You have no idea how much I have been craving you." I pulled his hips to mine and ground against him lustily. I was only half kidding.

"Go on."

"Lying in bed, alone, wanting your hands on me. Remembering what it is like to have you inside me; the little sounds and noises you make that set my brain on fire." Completely serious now.

His colour was starting to rise and I knew it wouldn't take much more before I got my wicked way with him. My hands made their way to his thighs, strong and made for sex. "I ache for you, baby. You are so amazing that I fantasize about you whenever you aren't with me." I put his hands on my boobs. "I yearn to be on top of you, writhing, nothing on my mind but slaking my own selfish lust. Taking you, using you, knowing no other man could ever make me come the way you do. Wanting only you, ever."

He was moving against me in earnest. I put my hands to his face and kissed him hungrily. He responded with a passion. I slid a hand down and undid his jeans. Oh God, he was hard and I wanted him.

"Please Eddie, oh please! I need it, baby." Feed my addiction.

He pulled my dressing gown open. I had nothing underneath. I heard him catch his breath before cradling my breasts again. "Tell me what you need, my lover."

"I need your cock inside me, Eddie. I need to feel you moving in and out, to hear you tell me how good it feels. Please Eddie, don't make me beg you for it because I will; if I have to. Make love to me, make me scream your name. Please baby, give it to me, please."

Eddie was panting now, so ready to mate."Do you want me?"

I almost shouted yes.

"Do you want me enough to take it here, now?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to open my mouth in case I started screaming 'yes, yes, yes....'

I pulled his trousers down to his thighs.

His hand went to my pussy and held me open whilst he guided himself in. I let out a loud "Uh!" as he penetrated me. I couldn't help myself. He started to thrust and it felt so good I didn't know whether to cry or scream or wet myself. He pumped harder and faster. The dishes on the drainer began to rattle. "Eddie, please!" I begged him pitifully. He shifted slightly so that he was putting more pressure on my privates. A few more strokes and a shattering orgasm took me. I was aware I was screaming his name. My legs went and he held me. Now it was his turn to climax. He was banging hard and desperately; thrusting and rutting and fucking with abandon. He was so beautiful and so animal he took my breath away. With a roar like a lion he came; his body twitching against me as his manhood twitched inside me. We stood holding each other, panting and sweating, as we came to.

"If that is what a few days abstinence does to you I shall have to start staying away more often!"

"No. Please don't Eddie. I couldn't bear it." I didn't want him to even joke about it.

"Okay, my lover. I won't."

"I mean it!" I could feel myself getting tearful.

"So do I." He put a hand behind my head and pulled me in to him. I don't know if it was frustration or relief but I felt overwhelmed. "I had no idea you needed me so much." He was very pleased with himself.

"Yes, you did. You knew exactly how crazy leaving me alone would make me. You know... you know...." I sniffed back tears. "You know you are like a drug to me, that I have to be with you or I go out of my mind."

I could see he was torn between the desire to comfort me and the thrill of hearing the extent of his power over me. "My body craves you. I itch and shake when you aren't here. There is nothing I won't do to have you." Well, if that didn't sooth his insecurities, nothing would.

He lifted my face and wiped away a tear with his thumb. "I've got it worse, my lover. As bad as you have it, I have it worse."

# Chapter Fifteen

The Christmas Eve surgery was nearly over. It was lightly booked; people seemed to be ill a lot in the weeks before, not much in the days immediately before and then they made up for it after! There was a strange, almost party, atmosphere in the practice. When the day was done it was 'Happy Christmas's and big hugs all round. I saved the biggest hug for James. It would have felt more appropriate to shake Stuart's hand but, what the Hell, it was Christmas so I hugged him to. What was life with Eddie doing to me? I'd never been comfortable with touchy, feely stuff and now I was a hugging idiot! I noticed Stuart did not take his arm away from my shoulders after we hugged and he whispered, "Could I have a quick word before you go?"

He nodded in the direction of the kitchen. We walked in and he closed the door.

"Before you go I wanted to let you know that Jo is extending her maternity leave from six months to a year. Have a think about it over Christmas, but if you would like to stay on the post is yours."

"I don't need to think about it. Yes. I would love to cover the rest of her leave."

"Definitely?"

"Absolutely!"

"Wow. That's wonderful. I'll get a new contract drawn up. Fantastic. Well, Happy Christmas!"

I was glowing as we walked out. Marilyn gave me a look and I gave her a huge grin. "Walking to the car?"

She nodded. "Happy Christmas, Stuart." We waved and left.

"What are you looking so pleased about?" She asked as we reached the cars.

"Stuart has just offered me an extra six months. Jo is taking a year's leave."

"Oh Grace, that's wonderful!" She checked herself. "Not that it wouldn't be wonderful to have Jo back, but you know what I mean. Eddie will be made up."

"You reckon?"

We laughed and hugged before getting in to our separate cars and heading home. When I pulled up across from Wayside I noticed that the light wasn't on and the house was in darkness. Shit! I pulled my phone out and dialed Eddie's mobile.

"Evening, my lover. How are you?"

"I'm good. Listen, where are you?"

"Home, why'd you ask?"

"My light is out."

"For goodness sake, girl! How can someone your age still be scared of the dark?"

That stung. I couldn't think of anything to say.

There was a man's loud sigh. "Oh alright. I'll be up. Give me a minute."

"I'm sorry. Thank you." I felt really small.

I waited outside the car; wringing my hands and glancing up at house. He was right, this was pathetic. I took a few steps towards the house and then a few steps back towards the car again. After a couple of minutes I saw Eddie walking up the road.

"Come on!" He grabbed my hand as he passed and dragged me along like a naughty child. When we got to the front door I was shaking as I passed him the key. He shook his head in disbelief. He opened the door and strode in to turn the light on.

"See!" He called. "Nothing to be scared of!"

I walked in trying to look calm and he smiled at me. Then the bastard flicked the light off and I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't move. After a second or two he flicked the light back on and he was laughing. The smile died on his lips when he saw me. I knew I was shaking visibly and whimpering.

"Oh shit, Grace! I'm sorry."

I hugged myself to try to hold myself still.

"Oh love, I'm sorry. Come here." He stretched his arms out.

I wanted to but I couldn't.

"I didn't think you were that scared."

"No, you just didn't fucking think!" I snarled at him. "Don't you ever, EVER, do that again!" Blinking back angry tears now. "And to think I was going to stay an extra six months to be with you."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"Don't you fucking 'whoa!' me! I am not a horse."

"I'm sorry. I genuinely didn't think you were that scared."

"Why do you think I rang you?"

I sat on the edge of the sofa and rocked back and forth.

"Oh Sweetheart!" Eddie came to sit next to me. "I'm such an ass sometimes. Sorry. What were you saying about staying?"

"Jo is taking a year off now and Stuart offered me another six months. I was going to take it."

"Was?" His turn to feel a bit panicky.

"Am. Am going to take it."

A relieved smile. "Tell you what. Raj is down for Christmas. Why don't I ring James and see if they have any plans? Fancy popping over if they don't?"

"I'd like that."

"You got your phone?"

"In my hand bag. Here."

"Oh no! You get it. I know better than to mess with a woman's handbag! I'm quite fond of my balls and that's what you lose if you mess with a woman's bag."

"Wuss! You'd think a man of your age wouldn't be afraid of a handbag."

I passed him my phone and he made the call. Before I knew it we were on our way to James'. What a Christmas this was shaping up to be!

.

The drive back from James' was peaceful. I was feeling good. Eddie had been attentive all evening, making me feel like a princess. Probably guilt motivated after being such as jerk about the light. He could be so sweet. I wanted to do something to show him how much I appreciated him. It was dark in the pick up, no streetlights, just the light from the dash. I put a hand on his leg. "Eddie sweetheart, why don't we find somewhere dark and quiet to park up. I want to do something for you." I didn't need to see his face to know he was grinning.

The indicators came on and we drove up a quiet lane.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Wait and see, Baby. Make it somewhere we're not going to be disturbed, I don't want to rush."

He whistled under his breath. I couldn't see the speedo but I thought we might be going a bit faster. After a couple more turnings we pulled in to a small car park in the trees and he parked at the far end. It was a picnic spot for tourists in summer but it was so out of the way it wasn't busy even then; in winter it was deserted.

"In the car or out?" He asked.

"Are you crazy? It's freezing out there! Come and sit in the passenger seat."

He turned off the lights and the engine before getting out and jogging round whilst I made sure the seat was as far back as it would go. I got out to let him sit down and then got back in, kneeling in the footwell. He looked like a kid at Christmas. I put his hands down by his side so he could grip the seat.

"Spread legs for me, my love." Like a good boy he did what he was told.

I could kneel right up against the seat between his thighs. It was surprisingly comfortable and gave me unlimited access to all of him.

I started stroking the denim over the inside of his thighs. "Hmm, you've been so good tonight, baby." Slowly, I unbuttoned his shirt. "You made me feel very special. What can I do to make you feel special? Lean forward a little." I slipped his shirt off his shoulders as far as his biceps. "Alright, lean back." I put my hands, fingers spread wide, flat on his chest and pushed them upwards reveling in soft hair there. They carried on up and out to the muscles of his shoulders and I held him there whilst I leant forwards and began kissing his neck and throat. It was so erotic to have my lips to his throat and be able to feel him swallow and moan softly. Eddie was so sexually responsive and uninhibited, no wonder he drove women crazy. I knew without looking or touching that he was already hard. The little noises he made, the moans and groans and sighs he made as he was pleasured, aroused me like nothing else ever could. The first time I had been intimate with him, he had said he didn't want me to think he was a slut. But he was. He was a beautiful slut; my slut. He loved sex and was so damned good at it. It wasn't just the big dick, although being hung like a horse was a bonus. He could be loving, tender, hard and dirty all at the same time. There was nothing he would not do if I wished it. He was the ultimate sex toy and he never needed batteries! I let my hungry mouth drift down to his chest, inhaling the scent of him greedily as I worked my way down to his nipples. My hands were busy with his belt and once that was undone I rewarded myself with a feel of his bulge. Next button and fly were undone. I lifted my head from his chest. "Hips up, baby."

He obliged and I moved to the side so he could close his legs whilst I pulled his trousers and trolleys down to his knees. "Sit."

I ran my hands up and down his wonderful erection. "Oh Eddie! What am I going to do with you?"

"Anything you want." His voice was a little rough

"You're gagging for it, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Better give it to you then, hadn't I?" I loved to tease him just as I loved it when he teased me.

I shuffled back a little so I could bend and take his manhood in my mouth. I so wanted this and I felt safe enough with Eddie to let my enthusiasm show. I licked and sucked at him like he was the biggest, tastiest lollipop in the world. My appreciative noises were perfectly matched by his. The head of his cock was the subject of some intense oral attention whilst I worked his shaft with both my hands. I toyed with him like this until he told me he was close to coming. "OK baby, time to change." I knew he thought I meant that it was his turn to go down on me but it wasn't what I meant at all.

I opened the door and got out. "Get in the footwell, baby." It was interesting watching him trying to move with his pants round his knees but you would be surprised what a man can manage if he thinks it is foreplay. I got back in the seat and closed the door. I took my blouse and bra off. Eddie tried to touch my breasts but I slapped his hands away. "No." There was a sigh of frustration and longing. I put the seat as flat as it would go. I looked at him, knelt there, his hard on wet and glistening from my saliva and his own pre-cum. "Lie on top of me,baby. Put your cock between these." I put my hands on my breasts and squeezed them. I slid down a little to make it easier for him. "Tit fuck me, Eddie." Well, it was Christmas, after all. He got on top of me and put his cock on my chest. I pushed my boobs around it, one advantage of having a decent bust. With his cock held tightly between my tits he started to thrust. I put my head down and when the head of his dick appeared out of the top of my cleavage it disappeared into my mouth. Already close to his limit after his blow job, Eddie was humping like a wild thing. He put his head back against the cabin roof and almost howled as he came. He held himself so he spurted over me. After he had shot the last of his load he knelt back in the footwell panting. When his breathing was something like back to normal he looked at me.

"Aren't you just full of surprises?"

"Happy Christmas, darling."

A snort of amusement from the foot well.

"Ed, could you pass me my handbag?" Something had occurred to me.

A quick rummage set my mind at ease. A full pack of tissues! I passed one to Eddie and then cleaned myself up. I sat up to put my bra and blouse back on. It was a little cramped and we ended up bumping each other and laughing. He put his arms round me and we kissed long and soft. When we broke he had an impish smile. "Do you want me to..... you know?" He cast his eyes at my lap.

I put my hand to his face and shook my head. "No. This was for you. For being amazing; for making me happy. You can save 'You Know' for when I've made you happy."

"That would be every day then." It was a good moment; in the dark, in the quiet, close to him.

"I love you, Eddie Langsett."

"Promise me always."

"I love you, and only you, always and forever, Edward Peter Langsett. I promise." Half joking, half serious.

We kissed again.

"I thought that when I went down on bended knee it would be somewhere more romantic than the cab of my truck but the moment feels right. Grace, would you do me the honour of being my wife? Will you marry me? Oh! The ring. It's at home."

"You have a ring?" This was somewhat unexpected.

A nod. "Will you?"

"Wow. This is sudden. We haven't been together that long." Oh shit!

"Long enough for you to promise to love me forever." He pointed out.

"Wow." My brain froze.

"You've already said that." A bit tetchy.

I didn't know what to say. I knew I was supposed to say 'yes' , and part of me wanted to, but I just couldn't. Anything else was tantamount to saying 'No' and I didn't want to say that either. Eddie was starting to get upset. He began to button his shirt up. He thought I was rejecting him.

"I want to say 'yes' but I'm afraid." I blurted. It was the truth, what else could I tell him?

"Afraid of what exactly?" He was cross.

"Of getting it wrong. Of spoiling things."

"Well, they are spoilt now, aren't they?"

He couldn't get his trousers up in the footwell so I had to open the door and get out for him to finish dressing. My breath formed clouds in the night air. After a minute he stomped past me and round to the driver's side. I got back in and sat, head down, as he started the engine.

"Seatbelt!" He snapped and I jumped then hurriedly put it on.

Headlights blazed on and we left the car park considerably faster than was necessary. The drive home passed in stony silence. He pulled up across the road from Wayside and we sat there for a moment.

"I didn't say 'no'." It was all I could think of to say.

"Just get out."

I opened the door and the cabin light came on. Eddie was staring straight ahead, face like thunder.

"Eddie...."

"OUT!"

I was out of the pickup and running for the house in a heartbeat. As I shakily opened the entrance I realised I hadn't closed the car door. Well, screw him, I wasn't going back to do it. I slammed and locked the front door behind me. Shit, no light! I'd forgotten about the blown bulb in the welcome light. I slid down the door until I was sat on the floor behind it. I didn't know whether I was upset or angry or frightened. A thought occurred to me. I hadn't heard the pickup drive off. Maybe it had and I had missed it in my panic. Then I heard the footsteps outside, memories stirred and I was terrified.

Bang! Bang! "Grace?" The door rattled as he thumped on it, making me jump out of my skin.

Bang! Bang! "Grace!"

Bang! Bang! Bang! "I'm sorry! Please. Grace!" Bang! Bang!

All of a sudden I was nine years old again; hiding from my mother. If I didn't come out my beating would only be worse when she found me; and she would find me. My heart was hammering and I was so deathly afraid. I wanted to shout 'Go away' but then she would know I was here so I put my hands over my head and cowered.

"Please! I'm sorry. Let me in!"

Not by the hair on my chinny-win-win.

"Oh God! GRACE!!! I'LL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT IF I HAVE TO!" He bellowed and I was so frightened I started crying.

There was a soft thud against the door and the sound of something sliding down it. I realised he must have sat against it on the other side and I tried to silence my sniffles by stuffing my fist in to my mouth. I didn't do a good enough job.

"Grace?" A soft voice just inches away from me.

A terrified sob escaped around my hand. I'd been found!

"Please don't cry. I'm sorry for being such a shit. Let me in."

The letterbox above my head opened and I shot across to the inner door and sat cowering there, my arms still protecting my head. Don't beat me, please, I will be a good girl, just please don't beat me anymore. With large, wet eyes I managed to peep at the front door. A pair of brown eyes stared at me through the letter box. Brown eyes. Brown eyes? Not her then. I put my arms down and hugged my knees with them. I managed another look at the letter box. The eyes were still there and they looked horrified.

"Grace, I didn't mean.... I didn't want to....please don't be afraid of me. I was just hurt. I'm sorry. I was a bit of a bastard. I'm sorry. Let me in. Don't cry, my love. Let me in."

"Go away." I managed to whisper.

"No. Let me in. Listen...."

"GO AWAY!" I screamed and fresh sobs broke from me.

"No. I can't leave you like this. Don't be scared of me. I won't hurt you. You need to let me in. Let me switch the light on for you. Once I'm sure you're okay I will leave if you want me to. Let me in; let me apologise; let me make sure you are alright."

I didn't know what to do. I looked at the eyes; I could see concern and pain. What should I do?

"Please Grace, I love you. Let me make sure you're alright and then I promise I'll go."

I struggled to my feet and took a step towards the door.

"Don't hit me!"

"Jesus, Grace. I would never raise a hand to you. Never!"

My hand was on the key. "Please don't hit me." I whispered desperately more to myself than him.

"I won't," came a soft reply. "God as my witness, I will never lay a hand on you."

I turned the key and slowly opened the door as if it was going to be kicked out of my hands at any moment. Equally slowly, Eddie stepped inside. He looked at me sorrowfully. "I'm sorry. It was a stupid thing to spring on you. I shouldn't have got angry. Forgive me?" He stepped forwards with his arms open to comfort me and I nearly fell over my own feet trying to get away from him. I stumbled into the lounge, away from him.

"I won't hurt you. I've already promised I won't hurt you," His voice was uncertain and it was clear he didn't understand. He found the light switch. "What's going on? Why are you suddenly more scared of me than you are of the dark?"

What was I supposed to say? Hey, you know how I hate the dark and that night light you always take the piss out of me for? Well, my mum used to beat the crap out of me some nights and for a moment there I thought you were her.

"You've seen I'm okay, you can go now." No! Don't push him away!

"You are not okay. What's wrong?"

The child survivor in me was already looking for an escape route. If I could get upstairs to the bathroom, there was a lock on the door and the light switch was on the inside! Something in Eddie clicked, he recognised something.

He took his watch off and put his arms out to the side, empty palms forwards. No weapons. Slowly, he brought his left arm forwards and held out his hand. "Take it. It's alright. Go on."

His scar stood out white in the light. Tentatively, I touched his hand. He just kept it there, still, not moving. After a few moments I held his fingers. Ever so slowly he curled them and started to draw his hand in. I resisted and he stopped. A couple more breaths and then he gently tried to draw his hand in again. This time I let him. I had to take a step forward to allow him to pull my hand all the way in to his chest. He put my palm flat against him so I could feel his heart beat. We stood there like this; it seemed like an eternity, but probably no more than a minute.

"He used to hit you, didn't he? Your ex?"

I shook my head. "Not him."

"Who then?"

I'd never told anyone.

"Your dad?"

"My mother. My mother used to knock me around, okay? I would run and I would hide but it wouldn't do any good, she'd just beat me even more when she found me. I'd just be hiding in the dark, waiting for it."

"What did your Dad do?"

"He never knew. No one did. No one does. Only you."

Eddie closed his eyes and exhaled. When he opened them again he was close to tears too. "That explains the night light. Come here. Please."

Nervously I stepped forward again and he slowly wrapped his arms around me. "I love you so much. Don't ever be afraid of me. I will never lay a hand on you. I will kill anyone who does." Soft words, quietly spoken, absolutely sincere.

"Come down to mine. The fire's lit, all the Christmas lights are up and I can give you your present. Come on."

We left the pick up there and walked with an arm around each other down to Eddie's. The warmth met us as we walked in. The fire was low and hundreds of little fairy lights appeared at the flick of a switch.

"Want your present?"

"The only present I want is you."

"Oh, okay! I suppose your other present can wait." With that he just peeled everything off and lay naked in front of the fire. I had to laugh; he was just so fucking cocky sometimes. The soft glow from the fire picked out the contours of his body and all of Santa's little helpers could not have crafted something so fine in a hundred years.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Christmas." I stripped and lay next to him. He began tracing the curves of my body with his hands.

"Don't you ever just want to hold hands?" I laughed.

"Do you want to?"

"Not right now but life with you seems to be one permanent erection."

"Actually, it's just lots of separate ones. Repeat performances have never really been an issue for me but I figure I'd better get as much in as I can before it does become an issue or you get bored and leave me."

"That is just so never going to happen!"

"Well, you know," he shrugged, "better safe than sorry. Now, how'd you want your present?"

"I want him on top and I want him to take his time. Minimum of fumbling."

"It's not fumbling! I've told you it's foreplay and it is rather essential for most women." He spoke with mock exasperation.

"Most of the time it's essential for me too but tonight I just want the main event."

"Bossy bitch!" He rolled me onto my back and lay on top of me as he held my arms over my head. "You are just so demanding! I really don't know what I'm going to do with you."

"Oh, you do! You know exactly what to do with me!"

"Are you sure? You know, no Christmas kisses, under the mistletoe as it were, first?"

"Stop teasing me and do it before I explode."

"Bossy, bossy, bossy. Maybe I'm needing foreplay? Did you ever stop to think of that?"

"Judging by the baseball bat pressing against my hip I would say you are good to go too."

"Baseball bat? I like that!"

He changed position slightly and began to push himself inside me. It was exquisite; the feeling of the warmth of the fire on my bare skin and the feeling of my body stretching and yielding around his. Long, slow strokes in and out, blissful torture! It seemed to go on forever and like a greedy girl I never wanted him to stop.

Eventually he whispered, "Take me."

His voice brought me out of my dreamlike state.

"Take me." He repeated. "You on top. My present. Take me like your life depends on it."

We rolled over and I sat on his cock.

"Oh, I am not going to last long.' I warned him.

"Me neither." He reassured me.

I began to move on him. Slowly at first then movements getting faster and moans getting louder. No need to think, just let my body do it all. Eddie softly chanting "mine, mine, mine..." Me gently responding "Yes, yes, oh yes..." Eddie thrusting back up to meet me and then release, thick and sweet like honey. Eddie's desperate little grunts and then his pulsing giving me the satisfaction of knowing he'd found his release too.

Through my warm little cloud of endorphins I smiled at him. A big, contented sigh. "My first Christmas with my Eddie."

"Every Christmas from now on with your Eddie."

"Hmmm, yes please!"

His turn to sigh contentedly. "Bedtime!" He got to his feet and helped me up, then we wandered through to the bedroom and curled up together. Eddie was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"Poor lamb," I thought, "I've worn him out."

Feeling incredibly smug I drifted off too.

# Chapter Sixteen

Saturday 29th. Weekend before New Year. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact it was my first New Year in Little Combe, my first with Eddie. Eddie! I could hear him breathing. Not quite snoring but noisy and deeply asleep. Sad mare that I am I had to open my eyes and look at him. Despite myself, I could feel a slow, just woken up, melted butter smile spread across my face. Lying in a warm bed next to him, watching him sleeping all peaceful and relaxed. This was...nice. Over used word, nice, but I couldn't think of another. Perfect? Wonderful? Amazing? There wasn't a word for it. He'd been sleeping a lot better lately, but it was still unusual for me to be awake before him. Indecision irritated like an itch I couldn't scratch; to lie here and just drink him in or to put a hand out to touch him and risk waking him up. In the end I just lay there and watched, and smiled.

"You going to lie there staring at me all morning?"

"Possibly." How long had he been awake?

Brown eyes still sleepy and serious bed hair, he was probably even sexier than usual. When was my adolescent infatuation with him going to wear off? He was too perfect. I couldn't hope to keep him for long.

"That was a sad sigh."

I didn't even realise I had. I laughed. "Not really. Just thinking how much I like watching you."

He laughed too. "Well, I am impossibly good looking!"

Sitting up, I grabbed a pillow and thumped him with it a couple of times. "No, just impossible!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

After defending himself he put his arms down. "If you don't think I'm good looking, then why do you want me so much?"

"What makes you think I want you at all?"

"You don't want me?" The tone was joking but there was an edge to it.

Shit! Warning bells went off. Eddie was obviously having an insecure moment. They were getting easier to spot and I was getting better at handling them.

I leant over and kissed him, slow and deep. "I didn't want that." I smiled salaciously, "And you obviously didn't either."

I put my fingers along his jaw and a thumb under his chin so I could tilt his head back. That left his sexy, masculine throat exposed and vulnerable to me. My lips had a field day! I could feel his Adam's Apple move up and down as he swallowed and sighed.

"Hmm, that didn't do anything for you. You clearly hated it. Anything else you'd hate me to do to you?"

"Now you mention it..."

.

I was standing at the kitchen sink washing up when Eddie got home. For once Mick was not in the pick up with him and I thought it would be lovely for just the two of us to eat together. Lately they seemed to be always in each others' pockets. Why didn't Mick get a girlfriend? I liked him but sometimes it was torture waiting for him to go so I could get my hands on Eddie.

Eddie seemed to be in an odd mood; quiet and restless. I wondered if they'd fallen out about something. I was about halfway through my chores and he couldn't find anything that suited him on the TV. He came to cuddle up behind me. Normally we would have chatted, but not tonight. He just held me and rested his chin on my shoulder. It felt comforting so I was washing up really slowly. He started to kiss my neck. The next thing I knew his big, rough hands were inside my shirt. They worked their way up to my breasts and began to fondle them. Before I met Eddie I had never really appreciated why they were called 'funbags'; they were just some things that got in the way if I needed to run for any reason. My ex-husband had loved them. It had been nice but nothing like this. Eddie was an artist. I tried not to think about how he got to be so skilled. Kneading and pulling, squeezing and caressing until they literally ached for him.

"I will do anything you want." He whispered in my ear. "Anything at all."

"Some ironing?"

He snorted a laugh. "Is it foreplay?"

"Well, it's hot."

He nipped the base of my neck with his teeth as a rebuke.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Who said anything is wrong?"

"You are acting weird. Have you had an argument with Mick?"

"No." He was quiet for a moment. "You didn't tell me he'd made a pass at you." He went back to kissing my neck.

"I didn't think he was serious. Just thought he was goofing around, like he does. Nothing to tell."

"Well, he was serious. He said you turned him down flat. He said you weren't even tempted."

"I have zero interest in getting naked with anyone but you."

"That's basically what Mick said." Eddie turned his attention to the other side of my neck."Thank you."

He was now rubbing his groin against my bottom. "I want to reward you. Anything you want. Just say it and I'll do it. Whatever you want, however you want it. Just tell me."

At this point I thought I was going to pop. "Oh, where do I start?" I tried to think of a room in the house that we hadn't already 'christened' and failed.

"We've got all night. Make a list and we can work through it."

"I've spent all day taking care of other people, telling them what to do, bossing people around. It would be rather sexy for someone to tell me what to do for a change."

"You want me to dominate you?" The kisses didn't miss a beat.

The idea made my insides tighten but I remembered that this was Eddie. He was so much more experienced than me his idea of domination might be somewhat stronger than mine! "That might be a bit...extreme. Certainly take charge, push a few boundaries maybe."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am. I put myself in your capable hands." And they were extremely capable!

"I need to know something first." The lips that were making my body scream for his had worked their way up to my ear.

"Ask away."

"I need to know that you want to experiment with me just because it's me; because you want to be closer and more intimate with me than you have ever been with anyone else?"

"It's all about you, Eddie. It's only ever been about you."

"You will have to return the favour. Not tonight, but sometime. I want you to know how far I will go for you; how much I will take."

I just nodded. I'd have sold my soul for a piece of Eddie right then. I suspected I might not be able to take Eddie to his limits. I was increasingly sure he was right when he said he didn't have any. Most of the time he was just sweet, horny Eddie but he'd had a very much darker side once and if I ever forgot that I would probably be sorry. "Teach me something."

"Shall I take care of you now?" He whispered in my ear and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

Just for a moment I felt a stab of fear. "No blindfolds!" I blurted.

He looked at me curiously.

"I will close my eyes if you want, and keep them closed, but no blindfolds. It's too much like being small again."

He understood now. He'd been horrified, after the car incident, and vowed that I would never have cause to be afraid of him again. "Nothing you don't want."

He reached across for the tea towel and then dried my hands for me. "Follow me." He led me through to the bedroom. He didn't bother to switch the light on. We could see enough with my night light. He hadn't teased me about it once he understood it kept away my demons. I watched him undress. He was beautiful. He took his watch off. It was something that he had started doing when things were going to get intense. It was a small but significant gesture of trust. Now it was my turn and he undressed me as easily as if I'd done it myself. He got his box of tricks from the wardrobe and I couldn't help but notice there were more toys than last time. The box was placed on the bedside table and then 6'2" of dark, brooding, naked man pressed himself against me. Big, strong hands grabbed my bum and pulled my hips hard to him. His mouth pressed to mine, demanding and hungry. Lifting me off the floor, he moved so we were in front of the mirror.

"Warm me up a bit." He whispered and pushed me down.

He wasn't fully hard yet so I licked and sucked at his manhood and within a few moments he was at his full glory in my mouth. His hand moved my hair back so I could watch myself fellate him in the mirror. Oh, he was a big boy! He was watching in the mirror too and I so wanted to please him, to put on a show for him. I took my time, savouring him. I couldn't take my eyes from the reflection of his face. He wanted to close his eyes and concentrate on the physical sensations but was so turned on watching me on my knees before him he didn't want to look away either. He was stroking my hair and looking down at me; all powerful, all man. After a few minutes, he stopped me.

"Enough for now, my lover. Maybe more later."

He lifted me to my feet and sat me on the bed whilst he rummaged in his toy box. He lifted out Mick's spreader bar and examined it thoughtfully before shaking his head and putting it back. The next thing out was also some sort of restraint.

"Kneel on the edge of the bed with your back to me."

Once in position he brushed my hair to the side and I felt a broad, soft leather collar being fastened round my neck. "Hands behind you, baby." Then soft cuffs held my wrists to each other. A small exploratory movement revealed the wrist cuffs were connected to the collar. Eddie stood behind me with his chest and belly pressed up against my back. His arms were around me and once again his hands began to play with my breasts.

"Close your eyes."

I did and rested my head back on his shoulder.

"What do you feel? Tell me."

"I feel you breathing. Your skin is so warm. Your arms seem strong. I feel safe, protected."

"Does it feel good when I use your tits like this?"

"Yes, but your chest against my back feels even better."

"More of a turn on?"

"Ah ha. I think it's my favourite bit of you."

"Really?" He sounded surprised.

"Hmm, the whole package is pretty Bloody fantastic. Your face, your eyes, your legs, your bum, your cock, everything; but it's your chest that brings out the cavewoman in me. I can't explain. It drives me crazy."

Soft laughter. "Are you ready for your reward?"

"Whatever you think, you're in charge. Whatever you want."

"What I want is fuck your brains out and never stop."

My turn to laugh. Oh God, yes!

His hand made its way down to my vulva and a finger began to probe and explore. My head on his shoulder tilted in to his neck.

"Didn't your...husband," He nearly choked on the word, "ever want to do this with you?"

"Can you handle honest answers to questions like that without getting angry? I will tell you if you really want to know but you get cross or possessive about it then tonight is finished."

"I want to know."

I tried to remember. "Possibly, in the early days, I don't really recall. I was a rather shy and naive medical student when I met him. He was the worldly theatre nurse that all the female students lusted after. I suppose I must have been passionate about him once but things were pretty crap between us for years."

"Did you give him your virginity?"

"No. I said naive, not backward."

"He never wanted to try anal sex?"

"Not that I can remember. I know male nurses have a bit of a rep for being animals but Aled was a good, god fearing, family boy."

"Was he a good lover?" I could tell it hurt Eddie to ask that and it made me pause. "Please. I want to know."

"Yes." There, I'd said it. "He was a good lover."

Eddie's hands stopped moving. "Do you miss him?" If his last question hurt him that one was clearly killing him.

"No. It was a relief when it was over. At the risk of sounding cold, I rarely thought of him even before I met you."

"And after you met me?"

"I knew I'd found my soulmate. Everything is better with you. I think about you constantly. I hate it when we are apart; it makes me feel like only half a person."

If Eddie's ego needed massaging that should have done it.

His hands began moving again, happy with my answer.

"Eddie, since we are having a no holds conversation, how did you find out about Mick making a pass at me?"

"He told me. Bend over."

I did as I was told and when I was lying there, butt to the world, Eddie's fingers started to do their magical thing on my privates.

"He's either brave or suicidal. How did it crop up? I'm assuming your weren't just sat with a sandwich when he piped up 'By the way, Eddie, I offered my sexual services to your woman but she turned me down.' What did he say?"

"We were talking about the weekend. Mick said he'd been with Sophie," slut! "Said she's terrified of you."

"So she should be! If she comes near you again I'll fucking kill her!"

Eddie laughed in a rather satisfied way. "Anyway, he looks at me and says he'd rather have been with you. I said, jokingly, why didn't he ask you; and then he said, serious as you like, he had; and without being funny about it you made it very clear there was only me for you."

"And you were okay with this?"

"I was so gobsmacked I didn't know how to take it. He explained a bit more about the circumstances. In his eyes we were finished and you were fair game."

"And you didn't swing for him? I'm surprised."

"You weren't interested. If he'd said you were up for it I'd have taken him to pieces. As it was, it was actually sort of flattering."

"Flattering?" It was hard to concentrate on talking when all I wanted to do was sigh and moan.

"Yeah. Mick's considered an attractive bloke and he's a lot younger than me. Made me feel good that you are so in to me that he's not even tempting."

"Ed, can we continue this later? This is so good I don't want to talk."

"I'm in charge remember? Okay, no more talking." He pushed and stretched further and I couldn't stop the long, soft 'Oooooooh' that escaped.

"Good girl. Here comes what you've been waiting for." He flipped me over and went down on me. As soon as his mouth touched me my back arched of its own accord and I nearly cried out.

"Oooo, someone is ready for it!" He teased.

He reached into the box again and pulled out a blue egg shaped object. He rubbed it up and down my cleft and then started to rotate it against my clitoris. I had to bite my lip. I could feel it at the entrance to my vagina and then I could feel myself stretching as Eddie pushed it up inside me. Gradually I became aware of a vibrating sensation deep inside me. It was getting stronger. Everything tightened. Oh wow, that felt amazing. Eddie put his mouth to me again. "Eddie! I called out and my hands clenched and pulled at my bonds.

"Good?"

"Good!" I yelled.

He went back to burying his face in me, eating me like a starving man. He turned the egg up further and already I was at the point of no return.

"Please, please, please, please..." I was panting.

I don't know what he did; whether he sucked harder, licked harder or even nipped my pearl with his teeth; but suddenly I came. I was so noisy and I didn't care. The pleasure was so intense I thought I was going to wet myself. I was dimly aware of Eddie encouraging me and laughing with delight. After, as I lay there trying to pull myself together, he began fingering me again. He was transfixed, watching his finger disappearing inside me and then slowly drawing it out. After a while he pulled the egg out of me and it made me gasp even though I was still spent. The egg discarded for cleaning later, he climbed onto the bed next to me and pulled me further on so my legs were on the bed too. He pushed the finger that had just been in my yoni into my mouth.

"Suck it like it was my cock."

And I did.

After a while he rolled me over and removed the restraints. He rolled me back and lay on me, kissing me with increasing passion. His weight on top of me felt good, right somehow. He stopped and raised himself on his elbows.

"Grace," he said quietly. "I want you to put a blindfold on."

"No!" I would have been up and off the bed in a flash if he hadn't been pinning me down.

"Listen to me Grace," he said soothingly. "It's okay. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

"No! No blindfold!" I was starting to panic.

"It's okay. Listen to me. Do you love me?"

I looked at him but didn't really see him.

"Do you love me, Grace?" He was gentle but insistent.

I nodded. "Yes." I managed.

"Do you trust me?"

I looked at his toy box with large, fearful eyes.

"Do you trust me?" He repeated.

"Yes." I was a little less certain.

"There is nothing to be afraid of. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

He stroked my hair for a few moments.

"Please put the blindfold on, for me. I'll be here with you. Do this for me."

"I can't." I whispered.

Eddie climbed off the bed, took a silky scarf from the box and placed it on the bed next to me. I sat up and eyed it like he'd just placed a dead rat there. He stood there, naked and erect, looking at me.

"Please, my lover, put it on. I'll be right here. Trust me enough to do this for me. Please." His words were soft and encouraging, the expression on his face was all together darker.

I put a shaking hand on the scarf and he nodded encouragingly. I started to cry.

"Please Eddie, I don't want to. Don't make me." Get up and walk away, get up and walk away, I kept repeating to myself but I remained rooted to the spot.

"Do it. I'm here. There is nothing to be afraid of."

But there was, there was the darkness and there was Eddie. Tears spilt down my cheeks.

"Well, if you don't love me..." He shrugged and turned away. This was Eddie the Manipulator.

"You bastard!" I sobbed. "You know I love you. Please don't make me do this." I hung my head. "You bastard, Eddie Langsett." I whispered to myself.

"I'm your bastard and if you want it to stay that way you will put the blindfold on. You have to trust me. You have to prove it." His eyes were hard and determined, he wasn't going to back down. Was he punishing me for something? For Aled or Mick? A has been and a never was, surely not.

I picked the material up. "You won't leave me, will you?"

"I will never leave you."

Still shaking, I tied the scarf over my eyes. Suddenly, it was absolutely dark and I was small and defenceless again. Fresh tears soaked into the material. "Eddie?" a child's voice.

"It's alright, Grace. I'm here." Soft and soothing again now he'd got his way.

I reached out a hand. "Eddie, please!" I begged. "Don't leave me alone." Seriously starting to freak out now, I needed him to hold me.

"I'm right here. Do you want me?"

I nodded and sobbed. I remembered when he'd promised he'd never hurt me, he'd said I didn't ever need to be afraid of him. Why was he doing this?

"Do you want me to come to you?" His voice seductive like silk over skin.

"Please, Eddie, please!" Broken and desperate, both hands out now, searching for him, for someone to stop the blows.

"What do you want?" His voice was closer that time and made me jump.

"To be safe in your arms. Please Eddie." I was stuttering and hardly able to get the words out.

I felt his hands on me and flinched again. He gently lowered me down on to the bed and lay on top of me again. His big, hard cock pressed against me. I put my arms around him and clung to him with every ounce of strength I had; scared of him but terrified of being without him.

"See? You're safe. I'm here. I've got you." His body felt strong and reassuring. At that moment I needed him with every fibre of my being. "We are going to make love now. You are going to keep the blindfold on because you are safe with me." His hard on started pushing at my entrance. "Yes?"

"Yes."

He penetrated me carefully, completely in control and it was so exquisite I dug my nails in his back and cried out "Yes!" It was the relief and gratitude of being safe under him as much as the carnal sensations that made me call out.

Slowly and deliberately he started to stroke in and out of me. He took my breath away. With no visual distractions, the physical sensations of mating with Eddie were almost overwhelming. After a few minutes of pleasure so intense it made me ache, he withdrew. I begged for more. I literally begged to have him inside me again. He laughed and told me that I would have as much of his cock as I could take and more, soon enough. I felt his mouth on the fleshy mound of my breast, softly at first then harder, more assertive. He was making excited noises. Suddenly, he sucked hard and bit me. I cried out. "Take it. Take it for me." He moved and bit my other breast and I managed to stay quiet by biting my lip. Eddie worked over my body, sucking and biting. My belly, my thighs, my bottom, nowhere that showed. I didn't know if I was coming or going when he penetrated me again. My whole body hurt for him. He was thrusting into me, deliberately rotating his hips, stretching me, driving me wild. "Tell me how much you love me!" he demanded and I did. Still in darkness but not alone anymore and not afraid; I told him everything. I told him I loved him. I told him I always would. That I was his alone; that I thought I would die if he ever took his beautiful cock away from me; whatever he wanted from me, he could have; he'd had every bit of me now, body and soul, I was his completely. He was humping faster and it felt so good I wanted to howl. He hadn't taken me this hard since the day I moved into Wayside. His turn to cry out; this was the best ever; he owned me; he was the only man I was ever going to mate with. His whole body seemed to convulse on top of me as came. "Mine! Mine! All fucking mine!" He was yelling and gasping. I could feel that incredible deep throbbing inside me as he gave me his gift. When he was completely spent a voice like melted chocolate whispered in my ear, "I love you." He took the blindfold off and at that moment he had the biggest, happiest smile I have ever seen. Looking down I saw nearly a dozen lovebites, stark red and purple against my white flesh. He put his hand to me and I was lost. Sex was what Eddie did best. Practice had honed him and his knowledge of me perfected him. He knew every trick in the book and exactly which tricks worked for me. A finger slid where seconds before his cock had been and the soft pad of his thumb found my clit. I clung to him and buried my face in his neck. My whole body started to tighten for him. "Oh fuck, Eddie!"

His laugh was dirty and smug.

"You wouldn't really leave me, would you?" A tingling, sliding sensation was building.

"Not ever." He replied.

My body started moving against his hand and I couldn't have stopped even if I had wanted to.

His hand, his fingers, doing unspeakably good things to me. "Come for me, my lover."

I moaned my appreciation of him against his throat as I hit the peak. When I finally stopped shuddering I realised he was looking me over with an odd expression.

"What?" I croaked.

A sly, knowing grin spread across his face as he traced patterns on my body with his finger tip. Suddenly, he met my eyes. "If that had been anyone else but me you'd have walked, wouldn't you?"

"I nearly did anyway." I didn't want him to think it had been easy for me.

"But you would never have done that for anyone else?" He persisted.

"No, only for you."

We cuddled after and I thanked my lucky stars that Eddie was a cuddler. I could feel smugness and stroked ego radiating from him.

"We can keep the night light, can't we?" I asked.

"Too right!" was the sleepy reply.

"I thought you didn't like it."

"Why'd you say that?"

"Well, you are always complaining about it."

"I'm just teasing you about it. I like it."

"Oh."

"I like being able to see things, to look at you, to watch." He was almost asleep now.

I looked at the clock. Half past two! Hellfire, how long had we been at it? It had seemed like minutes. Oh, I was not going to want to get up for work in the morning! I snuggled down and closed my eyes, listening to Eddie breathing peacefully and soon so was I.

# Chapter Seventeen

"Penny for them."

James' voice through the fog.

"Sorry?" I came to and looked at him.

"Penny for them. You were miles away."

"Yes, sorry. Eddie's birthday on Friday and I was just wondering what to get him."

It was deathly quiet in the practice kitchen. Marilyn was munching her salad, James had been reading and I was racking my brain trying to think of a suitable present. Everyone else either wasn't working that day or had gone out.

"Just give him a blow job, he'll be happy."

"James!" Marilyn and I admonished together and he laughed. He was just in one of those moods today. He knew Eddie was getting plenty already.

"What a thing to say in front of me!" Marilyn continued. "He may be a grown man but he will always be my little boy and there are somethings I'd rather not hear."

"Sorry." James clearly wasn't.

"I've got him a shirt." It didn't surprise me that Marilyn was already organised.

I gave James a warning glance. I could tell he was itching to make some comment about ripping it off. He saw my look and thought better of it. He could be such a bugger sometimes.

"I thought if you have no plans I could take you both out to dinner for Eddie's birthday."

"That would be lovely. Why don't you have dinner with us tonight? It's nothing fancy, pasta, but you are very welcome. You could arrange something."

"It's so difficult, isn't it? Knowing what to buy for men." Marilyn sympathised. "What is he in to these days?"

"Working, surfing, eating and sleeping about sums it up."

"His wheels! Get him something for the truck." Thank you James, for that useless suggestion.

"A pair of fluffy dice?"

He gave me one of those looks and I thought to myself that he was going to be a handful tonight! What was worse, it usually rubbed off on Ed and the two of them would play off each other. I might see if Tasha wanted company.

"I'm going to open some letters. I'll be in my room."

"This morning's mail is on the desk, but it is sorted into piles."

"Thanks M."

.

I'd been sat in my room about five minutes when the instant message window opened on my screen.

'What does Eddie love most? His truck and sex. You do the maths.'

I sent back

'You need bromide in your tea!'

After a few moments I added

'Are you going to be like this all afternoon?'

Instantly 'Most likely :-)'

Oh dear!

.

Six o'clock came eventually and I headed home with James following behind. He had calmed down a bit but I knew it wouldn't take much to set him off again. When we got to Wayside Eddie was already parked outside. I wished he would get the key back from his mum so he could let himself in but he wouldn't and he still kept his word about not entering without an invite. It was sweet but since we were practically living together it could get a bit inconvenient.

"I invited James for tea. I think he's in the mood for company!"

The three of us trooped in and, rather than listen to anymore of James' corny innuendo, I volunteered to make dinner. It didn't save me. Eddie needed a shower so James came to sit at the table in the kitchen end. I have to admit, he was very entertaining. I was struggling to get the veg chopped without cutting myself I was laughing so hard. When Eddie came down I thought they'd go and sit on the sofas but no, he sat at the table too. My suspicions proved correct and soon Eddie was being just as daft as James. Everything in hand, I decided to go freshen up and left them to it.

I'd changed in to jeans and was looking for a clean T when I heard feet on the stairs. Eddie appeared and put his arms around me. I got a slightly chaste kiss and hug. What was up?

"Do you mind if I ask James to stay over?"

"No. Why?"

"Something's up. I'm sure of it."

"I thought he just had his silly head on."

"Could be. I think he's lonely."

"I'd like him to stay."

"Don't like it too much I could get jealous."

I laughed and kissed him. "Of James?"

"Of anyone you like more than me."

"There is no one I like more than you. Except you with a bar of chocolate for me."

He laughed and pulled a Tshirt out of the drawer. "This one." Then he bounded back downstairs.

Since I'd cooked the deal was Eddie washed up, or at least loaded the dishwasher. As he was taking the plates, he said, "Why don't you stop the night? No point driving back to yours tonight."

"It's not your home to offer." James replied.

"James, why don't you stop the night?" I offered.

"I'd like that."

"What's wrong?" I had to ask.

"What makes you think anything is wrong?"

Both Eddie and I gave him a look.

"I've had words with Raj."

"I'm sorry. Is it serious or just a spat?" I put a hand over his.

"I think it's serious. We want such different things. Who knows?" He seemed a little lost. He chatted a little more about their differences but now he had stopped joking and had an air of hopelessness. Gradually the conversation shifted to other things and Eddie excused himself to go home and fetch clothes for tomorrow. I thought he had plenty at mine but evidently not the exact ones he wanted. After he was gone, James opened up a bit more. His own family being a little cold and distant, he craved a warm family unit of his own. It was one of the things that bound him so tightly to Marilyn and Eddie. When his birth family had pretty much washed their hands of him, it was the Langsetts' unconditional love that had kept him going. He wanted a 24/7 relationship and kids; not a weekend lover who was married to his job. Raj was committed to his career and James was his bit on the side. My heart ached for him. I might not understand exactly about Raj but certainly did about the longing for kids. And the kicker was, he would have been such a fantastic dad.

.

It was getting late and I needed to get some sleep. Eddie still wasn't back so I left the door unlocked and James and I turned in. I was just dozing off when I heard the front door. Eddie crept up the stairs as quietly as was possible given that they creaked if you so much as looked at them. I watched him get undressed in the almost darkness and then slide between the sheets next to me. He gave the impression of someone who was very pleased with himself.

"You're happy." I observed.

"Yup! Good night." He curled up next to me and it was clear I was getting no more than that.

.

In the morning, over breakfast, the boys arranged that we would go out Friday night. I missed most of the details because I was in the shower but when James set off for work (at least half an hour before he needed to!) Eddie filled me in. We were going to a restaurant near James and staying over at his.

I shook my head. "We have to drive home."

"Why?"

I wasn't quite sure how to phrase it. "We need to park up somewhere. So I can... you know... wish you Happy Birthday. Properly." I was a bit embarrassed but Eddie was beaming.

"And how are you going to do that?"

"If I start telling you that now, I'll never make it to work."

So, that was how we left it.

.

Thursday sailed along somberly until about half past five. There was an instant from Marilyn's station

'Could you poss see James' last patient pl?'

'Sure. What's up?'

'Raj here!'

Eddie! I had thought he was a long time fetching clothes. Sneaky.

I saw my last patient and then James'. I got my bag and was about to log off and leave when an instant appeared.

'Tell Eddie I owe him.'

I was smiling all the way home.

.

Friday morning, James was tired and quiet but obviously blissfully happy. He floated around all day on his own little cloud of loved-upness. At lunchtime I checked we were still on for the evening.

"Why'd you ask?"

"James! You are wrecked. We can go out anytime but if Raj is still down you might want an...early night."

James' rather shy little smile told me all I needed to know.

"Next week then," and I kissed his cheek.

I sent Eddie a text.

'Change of plan. Just me and you tonight. Where's the picnic basket?'

'Storeroom. New plan?'

'Just think of somewhere quiet and leave the rest to me.'

'Already sorted.'

Why are Friday afternoons so bloody long? Even with an early finish!

Finally free, I called "Have a nice weekend!" to Roisin and Lucy as I bolted for the door. First stop was the wine shop for something fizzy. The guy behind the counter said that off the record the Champagne was lovely but overpriced and recommended a bottle of Cava that was even better and half the cost. Then it was a quick hike to the big supermarket in Barnstable for food; artisan bread, cheese, grapes, strawberries, orange juice and chocolate spread. If that didn't trigger a migraine nothing would so I grabbed a packet of ibuprofen. Whilst I was on that aisle I got another idea and chucked a packet of condoms in the basket as well.

I got back to Wayside at half six. It was pitch black and Eddie was waiting outside in the truck.

"Will you get that bloody key off your mother so you can let yourself in!"

"No. Good day?"

"Aw James is so loved up, bless him!"

Eddie was so smug about that he didn't mind being kept waiting. He had the basket and a picnic rug in the cab with him. We were going to need a few things so we went up to the house. I sliced the bread and washed the fruit. He got glasses and plates. In the light of the kitchen I could see he was freshly showered and changed so he hadn't been waiting as long as I'd feared. Hoping he wouldn't notice I had taken my handbag with me, I popped upstairs to the loo and whilst I was up there I hid a little something from the bedside cabinet in it. Grabbing the kitchen roll, we headed to the truck. Food and drink safely stowed in the back, we set off.

"Where we going?"

"You'll see."

The Hilux had a Touch and Go system so I retrieved my iPod and found some suitably smoochy music to listen to.

We drove about ten minutes north towards Woolacombe then turned off down a small lane back towards the coast. A couple of minutes later we pulled up outside a gate into a field. The gate was padlocked but Eddie produced a key and drove in before locking it behind us. He drove across the field. As we drove over the crest of the hill I was blown away. The field ran right up to the cliff edge and beyond was just the sea; stretching away on either side the coastline was occasionally dotted with lights. He parked just over the crest, far enough that no one inland would see the car lights but a safe distance from the cliff edge.

"Oh Eddie! I am seriously impressed."

"Belongs to a cousin of Phil's."

"This is amazing. Wow!"

"You like?"

"I love!" and gave him a big kiss. He reached in to the back and but couldn't free the basket so he got out and opened the door. I heard him laugh.

"What's up?"

"What the Hell did I bring the blanket for? It's freezing out here!"

He got back in and we ate the bread and cheese, cava for me, OJ for him. By the time we got to the strawberries I was a tad tipsy. I dipped them in the wine and fed them to him. He grabbed my hand and sucked my fingers. I was glad it was dark and we didn't have the cabin light on so he couldn't see me blush. I held a strawberry between my teeth and leaned over so he could take it with his mouth. As he did our lips brushed and it sent a pleasant tingling through me. I kissed his throat as he chewed and swallowed; his Adam's apple moving against my lips. I got another strawberry and we did the same again except I ran a hand over him; down his chest, across his stomach and on down to the his groin. I moved my mouth back to his and his lips were parted, waiting for me. I kissed him hungrily and began to rub his crotch. He tasted of the berries and he was starting to harden.

"Undo your trousers, baby." I whispered, and he did.

I slid a hand inside. Oh yes, that was what I wanted. That there, growing by the second.

"Top off." He pulled his jumper off and unbuttoned his shirt.

"Leave that on, just open. Oh yes." Sexy, sexy, sexy.

I was caressing and stroking his manhood. In the darkness he licked his lips and swallowed hard.

"How safe are we here?" I whispered.

He understood what I meant. "Don't worry the gate's locked and there is no one for miles. We are not going to be seen or disturbed."

"Everything off except the shirt. Please." I was trying not to be bossy but I was so desperate for him it wasn't easy.

"After you."

I looked at him and the steering wheel then at the back.

"Front passenger seat is the easiest." He read my mind.

"Swap!"

He raised an eyebrow but got out and walked around whilst I carefully pushed my handbag against the front of the seat and moved the food to the back. I climbed into the driver's seat and started to undress. He got back in and stripped as well. Both naked now, I kissed him again and felt his hand on my breast, squeezing and teasing. I climbed over and sat on his lap facing him, trying not to bang my head on the roof. More kissing, getting more urgent and harder with each passing second. Hands desperate for me, grabbing and pulling at my breasts. With my legs either side of him, his hardness was pressed against my belly. My hands were working it as passionately as my lips were working his lips. Soft noises of appreciation were my reward. I reached over the back and found the chocolate spread. I gave it to him and he smiled.

"What do you want me to do with this?"

"Just dab it anywhere you want me to lick."

The smile became a broad, toothy grin. He unscrewed the lid, popped the paper seal and dipped a finger in. He held it out for me and I took it into my mouth eagerly and showed him exactly what I intended to do to his cock later and how much I was going to enjoy it. He stuck his finger back in the pot and wiped a smear on his lower lip. I took his lip between mine and licked and sucked at it, slowly and sensually, until it was clean. Next was a line of chocolate along the underneath of his jaw. Then down his throat. Then his left nipple; then his right. A line across his stomach was greedily polished off. His dark brown eyes were half closed obsidian chips which glittered in the night. Not wishing to halt his steady progress south I shuffled back to allow him room. Suddenly my bare bottom touched the icy dashboard. Fuck that was cold! I shot forward in a reflex reaction, knocking the jar from his hand and nearly giving him two black eyes with my boobs. When we'd finished laughing, I picked jar up from the driver's seat and handed it back. A little more carefully this time, I edged backwards. He passed the jar back.

"You do it. Put it where you want it." His voice had that rough and slightly breathy quality it always had when he was aroused. Combined with that soft accent, the effect was a blue touch paper. I slid into the footwell and I really didn't give a shit that dashboard was still cold.

I put a splodge right at the top of his right thigh on the inside and gave it the same attention I had given all the other spots. Then his left thigh. We both knew what was coming next. A small spot over his right ball and he grunted and squirmed.

"Keep still, baby."

"I'll try," he rasped.

A little spot on the left one and my lips and tongue made him keen again but he managed not to move. He pressed the back of his hand over his mouth to try to stop himself. I reached up and eased it away.

"Don't do that, Eddie. You know I like to hear you."

A dab at the base of his shaft and then ever so slowly working up. By the time I reached its head he was swearing and moaning as I stopped and started. I placed a tiny smear on the very tip of him and when I pushed my lips over him and took him in my mouth his head flew backwards and he swore very loudly.

"Oh fuck, yes. Oh please!"

I took my mouth away.

"No, no, no, no! Please!" He wailed.

Yes, he was ready for stage two of his birthday present. I reached for my bag stashed between the back of his legs and the seat. I pulled out the condoms from the supermarket and the lube I'd taken from home. I opened the box and took out an individual packet. I separated the two halves and opened one. So far so good. Could I work out which way round the damn thing went? After a few seconds I gave up and reached overhead and switched the cabin light on. Ah! That way up! He looked at the condom and then at me. He looked puzzled.

"We don't use those..." he began and then it was as if a lightbulb came on in is mind. "Oh!"

"Will you just stop worrying and let me take you!" I said in mock irritation.

He nodded eagerly. "Leave the light on?" He asked. "No one will see us. There's no one for miles."

I looked at the condensation on the pickup windows and decided that someone with his nose to the window probably wouldn't see anything. "OK."

I put the rubber on him and gave him a generous coating of gel. His mouth was open and he was practically panting. I climbed back on top of him, knelt with a leg on either side. I positioned his big, hard cock against the entrance to my back passage and then slowly began to sink onto it. I don't know if it was because of the wine or because it was at my instigation but it was definitely easier than last time. Oh God, it was still uncomfortable.

"Oh Eddie, help me. Please?"

"How? What do you want me to do?" He was panting properly now.

"Talk to me. Tell me how it feels. Tell me what you want. Be so very dirty. Make it easier for me."

So he started as I took more of him. He was begging me to fuck him. Panting and moaning and begging abjectly. As I managed to take the last bit of him he was pleading. Oh yes, he was moaning, fuck him and use him like the bastard he was. Screw him hard and nasty, it was what he deserved. I began to move on him, taking him. My head was pounding and I was speeding up on him as I got used to him there. As I ground on him I looked at him. He was hypnotised watching my smooth, round, soft breasts jiggle and rub against his own flat, hairy, muscular chest. Wild, frantic grunts were coming from deep inside that magnificent chest and I couldn't work out if he were desperate to cum or desperate not to.

A few more thrusts from me and he was gasping hard. "I'm going to pop. I'm going to cum any second. Please don't waste it! Please!" He was groveling and whining now.

I lifted off him and ripped the condom off. That was discarded into the footwell, I didn't think he'd mind just this once. I grabbed my iPod and quickly found what I was looking for.Then I held his erection as I lowered myself on to him again; manhood into womanhood this time. The cabin filled with the sound of 'Halo.' Thank you, Beyonce! Male, female, man, woman, bumping, grinding, writhing and moaning like nothing else existed. Eddie was thrusting up to meet me coming down in perfect time. 'I got my angel now.' He was yelling now; shouting for release. "Mine! Mine! Mine!" Followed by guttural growls that both frightened and excited. He grabbed me and pulled me hard against him as he came; his body shaking but his arms holding me fast. 'I ain't never gonna shut you out.' Gradually, the shaking in front of me and the throbbing inside me subsided.

When he could speak he lifted his head from my neck, "We made a baby tonight."

I was horrified. "I can't. You know I can't..." I began, almost breathless with the pain.

He put his fingers to my lips and shushed me. "I don't care what you think you know. I can't explain it but I know we just made a baby. Don't argue, don't get upset, don't fight me on this."

Why was it always like this with him? There was no simple pleasure with Eddie; always there was pain too. Did he know how much his words hurt me? That they were like cigarette burns to my soul?

"Your turn to come."

"No. I don't want to."

"Your turn!" He said forcefully and then lifted me off him and switched our positions just as forcefully. Bang! The seat went back, not fully flat because the picnic basket was in the way, but enough for Eddie slide down into the footwell. The mouth that brought me anguish with its words fastened itself to my most delicate area and brought me pleasure with its actions. Shortly before the ability to think deserted me completely it occurred to me that in ten years of marriage my ex-husband would never have dreamed of going down on me after he had cum inside me whereas to Eddie it was the most natural thing in the world. Before I could even begin to feel guilty for placing Aled and Eddie in the same mental sentence, I was lost in the rising flood of ecstacy and within seconds I was screaming for Eddie, my Eddie, centre of my universe.

He slid back up so he was lying on top of me. I loved the feel of his weight on top of me, pinning me down. My big, bad, handsome man. The pain of his remarks forgotten, we were kissing and giggling like teenagers. After a while I could feel him starting to stir again. The kisses became less playful and altogether more serious. Serious became forceful and his tongue pushed into my mouth whether I wanted it or not. His body moved against mine and he was rock hard once more.

"Again?" I managed.

"Yes." I thought for a second he was going to say whether you want it or not. I certainly couldn't have stopped him even if I had wanted to. Just as well I didn't. The hand holding me down moved to gently stroke my hair. "This is going to be hard and rough. If it's too much, if I'm hurting you, tell me to stop. I will."

"Okay." I said nervously.

He smiled and it wasn't his little boy smile. It was the smile of a predator.

"Spread legs for daddy."

After a little shuffling and wriggling to find the best position he rammed into me. Even though I was still wet from our last love making it hurt and I involuntarily whimpered.

"Take it for me, baby. Please, take it for me."

I nodded yes and he began. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if he'd been average sized. He wasn't kidding about rough. Within seconds he was pounding me; banging in and tearing out like a man possessed. On and on, punishing me; beating me with his manhood. Oh shit! I could feel myself clenching on him. He felt it too and started laughing.

"Come on! You want to. I can feel you." Frantic now, animal. This wasn't making love, this wasn't even having sex. This was pure animal fucking. "Do it, bitch. Come for me. You want to, I can feel your cunt squeezing me, aching for it." He leaned back so his thrusting cock stretched me even more. "Come on! Let yourself go. Do it! Do it for me. Scream my name!"

"Oh Eddie," I was moaning under him.

"Touch yourself," he ordered.

"Too late," I hissed and then he was right, I was screaming his name, begging for more. He lay down on me, pinning me again, as I thrashed against him. He held himself still inside as I gasped and thrust on him. When I had climaxed he began to move again. I knew I was crying but I didn't know why. He was grunting loudly and humping me like he wanted to fuck me to death. His lips found my neck and his mouth fastened there.

"No! Please!" I begged. "Not there, not where it shows." I knew he intended to mark me. When he was like this he needed to mark his territory; stake his claim. His mouth moved lower to where my shoulder sloped up to my neck. I could feel the pain of him sucking hard and biting. I cried out but didn't tell him to stop. Oh God, his cock was hurting me! I was getting dry.

"Mine!" Eddie was shouting at me. "Don't you ever fucking forget it! You are mine! SAY IT!"

"Yours, Eddie. I'm yours." I sobbed.

"Louder!" He hissed viciously.

"Yours!" I screamed. "Only yours, ever."

He roared as he came hard. He was snarling and swearing as his orgasm racked his body. "Oh fuck yes!" He sighed as he came down. After a moment or two he looked up. "Oh my lover, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away." His finger tips touched my tears and he looked stricken. "Why didn't you tell me to stop?"

"I didn't want you to."

"Did I hurt you a lot?"

"Not much," I lied. "It was just so... so...primal." That wasn't a lie.

"Thank you for my present, my lover. Thank you so much."

"Happy Birthday, my love."

Hard, dominant, sexually aggressive Eddie was gone and sweet, kind, gentle Eddie was back. He switched off the cabin light and lay on top of me for quite some time; gently kissing me and whispering sweet nothings. Eventually, we had to move and get dressed. Being a gentleman once again, Eddie braved the rain and ran around the outside whilst I slid back across to the passenger seat. We sat in the quiet darkness and kissed a while longer. Since we couldn't stay there all night we had to go home. Eddie started the engine and switched the headlights on. Before moving off he turned to look at me and I could tell there was something on his mind. I don't know why, and I could have been wrong, but I suspected he was thinking about the last time we made out in his car and his proposal that went pear shaped.

# Chapter Eighteen

Eddie had been like a cat on hot bricks all day. There was an air of something close to menace about him. I almost wished he'd gone to Cornwall with his mates. There was an itchiness to him that was rubbing off on me. I didn't know whether to smack him or rip his clothes off. We'd called round to see Marilyn briefly. He'd been pacing round the kitchen whilst we tried to chat and in the end we'd given up and left. We went bowling and that had distracted him for a while but he was great at it (add it to the list!) and I sucked so by the end of the first game he was impatient to be off. We went to the supermarket and flew round there like all the demons in Hell were after him. After we'd put the shopping in the back and got in I turned to him.

"Have you taken anything?"

He frowned at me.

"Speed? Whizz? Have you taken anything?"

"No!" He was offended. "Why would you say that? You know I wouldn't touch anything like that."

"It's just you are so hyper today. What's up?"

"Nothing!"

"Eddie, you have been a pain in the arse all day! You were up at the crack of doom. You were prowling round your mother's like a caged animal. You were a bear with a sore head in there. What the Hell is up?"

He looked guilty.

"Oh God, Eddie! What have you done?"

"I haven't done anything!" He snapped back.

"Then what is up? Don't insult my intelligence by saying nothing. Have I done something wrong?"

"No." He said a little too quickly.

Oh, Bloody Hell! "What have I done now?"

"Nothing."

"Okay. Let me rephrase that. What haven't I done?"

He kind of squirmed in his seat.

"Out with it!"

"I just thought..." he sighed and looked at the rain running down the windscreen. "I just thought if I didn't go away this weekend you might...want me more."

I wasn't sure what he meant. "But we had sex. Very good sex as I recall."

"At my instigation, yes."

Ah! The light came on. "Let's go home."

"I thought we were catching a movie?"

"No. Let's just take the shopping home." I leant over so I could whisper in his ear and run a hand up the inside of his thigh at the same time. "If my man needs to feel desirable and appreciated then I am going to take him home and make sure that he does!" I nipped his ear lobe with the tips of my teeth. The engine roared into life.

He looked at me without turning his head and an eyebrow went up. "And how are you going to do that?"

I moved his sweater so it was over his lap and underneath it slide his zip down. "I am sure I will think of some way."

He pursed his lips and exhaled as my hand slid inside. "How?"

"Look at me. Properly. Turned you head."

He did and I put my mouth to his; lips just touching as I spoke. "I am going to take you home and then I think I might tie you down and use you and tease you until you are screaming that you'll never be a bad boy again." My hand was having the desired effect.

"And then?" He sounded hoarse.

I sat back a bit and smiled at him. "And then, if I believe you, I might have you. Oh, but which way? That is the question. Sooooo many delicious ways to take you. Mmmm. Maybe you won't even make it out of the vehicle? Maybe I will be so overcome I won't let you get in the house?" He wasn't the only one getting hot and bothered. "Just drive, Eddie."

"I can't. I can't drive. I can't think. Just give me a minute." He put his hands together on the top of the steering wheel and rested his forehead on his hands. I popped the button on his trousers and he turned his head. "You're going to make me cum in the supermarket car park?"

"That's the general idea."

"What about the other shoppers?"

"They'll have to get their own hand jobs." I carried on pleasuring him.

He laughed in disbelief and put his forehead back on his hands. With the jumper and him leaning over no one could have seen anything even if they were watching, and no one was watching. It was only moments until he was huffing and puffing into the steering wheel; and moments again until he was making the little grunting sounds he always made when he came. It suddenly got warm and sticky under the jumper. He must have been like a ticking bomb.

"Well, that's a first." He said raggedly.

"Good. I like firsts. Now get me home before I have to see to myself in the blooming car park."

"I'd like to see that!" He laughed breathlessly. "That jumper is going to need washing."

"Just drive!"

He sat back and tried to compose himself before we drove off. I stared at his profile trying to etch it into my memory, something to cling to when he was gone. No, maybe it would be kinder if I couldn't remember him clearly.

"I love you, you know that, don't you? Men like you, you don't stay with women like me. You ride off into the sunset with some flawless bimbo young enough to be your daughter and live happily ever after with lots of little Eddie's."

He switched the engine off. "Where the Hell did that come from?"

"That's how it is, isn't it?"

"It most certainly bloody isn't! Give me a little credit."

"Sorry. Let's just go home." I hoped I didn't sound as beaten as I felt.

"No! Jesus Christ, Grace!" He was angry and upset now. "It's men like me who don't get women like you! You are smart and beautiful and sexy and kind...and... and... and loving and funny and I can't believe your stupid bastard husband let you go but I wake up every morning and thank the Lord that he did." No longer angry, just upset and struggling. "Do not," he was wagging a finger at me, "do not presume to tell me who I should and shouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with! I proposed to you, I asked you to marry me, remember? You said no, you turned me down. And you have the nerve to come out with crap like that!"

I watched the finger waving so close it was almost touching my nose. "I love you," I told it forlornly.

"I love you too. What do I have to do to prove it to you? You want me to make love to you here, in Tesco's car park. Because I can and will if that's what it takes. I don't care if we get arrested for it. I would do time for it if I thought it would make you happy."

I shook my head. "I've spent so long just getting by, not allowing myself to feel anything much. I can't do that with you, I can't keep you at arm's length. You touch things in me no one else can reach and some of them are beautiful, wonderful things and some of them are raw, painful things but they are all so...primal, I have no control over it. I don't mean to piss you off. I just have such strong and unpredictable reactions to you. I'm sorry and I'm sorry I can't explain it better."

"You explain it fine. Stop fighting it. Stop fighting me. Trust me."

"I do."

"Great! Then take me home and force yourself on me!" We both giggled a bit.

"I can do that."

The engine started up again.

# Chapter Nineteen

The drive passed quietly. I watched Eddie drive and my longing for him was like a solid thing tugging at me. He drove safely but over the limit all the way. When we pulled up outside the house he looked towards the back of the truck.

"Leave it." I asked him before I took his face in my hand and kissed him putting every last little bit of longing into it. "Heal me Eddie, touch me and make the hurting go away."

"Anything." He replied.

We climbed out and he opened the cottage door for me. I kissed him again. "Go to the bedroom, baby, get undressed," I told him quietly.

He kissed my hands and as always I melted inside. He pushed a strand of hair away from my face. "It's okay, I bought another night light. You don't have to be frightened."

"Thank you." I took his hand and led him through.

Slowly, he stripped and I watched silently. It didn't matter how many times I had seen him naked; each time left me as breathless as the first. I felt a little shy about taking my clothes off in front of him. It wasn't like he hadn't seen me naked before I just felt vulnerable tonight. Calloused fingers gently helped me disrobe.

"Don't be shy. I wish you could see you the way I see you. You are beautiful. I love your curves. I love your boobs. I love the way the small of your back flares out into your bum. I love the way your bum sticks out so I can grab it. I think it's beautiful, it drives me wild. I love the way you curve out from your waist over your hips and back in again over your thighs. I love the soft curve of your belly. I love the way your boobs jiggle when you walk. You are so beautiful to me. I love the way your flesh yields to mine, soft and giving to my hard and taking. I wish you could understand how much I love you. Now make love to me, show me how and how much you want me."

He sat on the edge of the bed waiting for whatever I decided. I got the handcuffs out of the toy box and fastened Eddie's hands behind his back. I pushed him on to his back on the bed. He was magnificent and all mine to do with as I pleased. Submissive, willing Eddie ready to receive whatever I wanted to give. I was so overwhelmed I didn't know where to start. I ran my hands over him feeling his skin and hair, the shape of his muscles and bone. I looked at him and drank in every detail, every pore, every line, the little scar on the left hand side of his forehead; a momento of the time during his army training when he hadn't ducked fast enough and had ended up in hospital with a concussion. He was smiling that lazy, confident smile he wore when he knew I was totally into him; that here and now the house could be on fire and I wouldn't notice. Those eyes, always it came back to those eyes. I had to kiss him, long and hungrily. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, taking him with it, feeling him yield to me, opening to allow me in. My hands sought out his nipples, sensitive little buttons that gave him intense pleasure. Oh God, what to do first?

"What do you want, Eddie baby?"

"Anything. Anything at all."

"Want me to kiss it?"

He licked his lips. "If you want to."

"Oh I want to!"

He laughed.

I worked my way down his body, kissing, sucking, nipping. When I got to his manhood, the first time I pushed my mouth over it there was a groan from his chest and his back arched. I looked up at him and his face was already starting to flush.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

I ran a hand up over his belly. "Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for being so ...."

"Appreciative?"

"Responsive. It turns me on so much."

I turned my attention back to his erection. I took as much of him as I could into my mouth and it was my turn to make noises of satisfaction. I knew his body wanted to move, to take up the slow rhythm of life but he was fighting to stay still. As my lips moved up and down, along his shaft, over his helmet and then back again, my hands worked on him. I remembered something from when he had been returning the favour and looked up. His eyes were closed and he was exhaling slowly through his mouth.

I took my lips away for long enough to say "Eddie?"

His eyes met mine and neither of us looked away as I went back to pleasuring him. We kept eye contact whilst I licked and sucked, squeezed and stroked at him. He was blown away watching me. He flushed deeper and it spread down his neck. On and on until my jaw started to ache. I remembered something else he liked. A hand kept massaging his cock but the other lifted his balls so I could take them in my mouth and suck them. I couldn't keep eye contact for this but I knew he would be watching me teabag him. Each testicle in turn was tenderly sucked and caressed. Hearing him sigh and moan, knowing it felt so good to him I carried on and on. It struck me as ironic; this handsome, fertile man with his balls filling ready to mate, ready to make little Eddies, it would all be wasted on me. I wanted a baby, his baby, to be pregnant by this incredible man. I could feel my eyes filling with tears and I sat up and turned away.

"Grace?" Eddie panted. "Grace, are you alright?"

I sniffed and angrily swiped at a tear. "Fine." It came out a little crossly.

"Please don't." I knew he wanted to put his arms around me. "It doesn't get anymore intimate than this. If you can't be honest now.... Please don't shut me out."

I couldn't answer him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"It isn't your fault." Was all I could tell him.

"Do you want to hurt me?"

"What is it with this 'do you want to hurt me?' crap? On and on. Anyone would think its what you want!" Definitely cross now.

"If I'm not making you happy I deserve it."

"But it isn't your fault."

"What is it then?"

OK, you asked for this. "I want a baby, your baby. I need it so much I can taste it!" Tearful again.

"Grace! Oh God, Grace!" He was struggling to sit up. I knew if it weren't for the cuffs he would be holding me, comforting me, and I didn't want it.

"Just shut the fuck up!" And I pushed him back down.

"No. Let me go!" He wriggled frantically to get up.

Yes, now I had reminded him of my sterility he wanted to leave me and who could blame him? He should be out there filling the world with little Eddies not wasting his time with me. It would be better if he went. I took the key from the bedside cabinet and uncuffed him. Then I turned away and sat on the bed with my head down waiting for him to go. The bed creaked but he didn't get off. Strong arms and legs wrapped themselves around me and his face nuzzled against the side of mine.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." I sniffed.

"I know you're the doctor and all that, but as a man it feels like my fault. You're my woman and I'm desperate to give you a baby. I know you said from the beginning that you couldn't have kids but in here," He put a clenched fist to his chest, "in here I feel that if only I were more of a man you'd be pregnant by now."

The idea that he could possibly be more of a man was ridiculous. "It isn't like that!"

"I know but that is how it feels inside."

We cuddled for a while, both of us sniffling a bit.

He brushed my hair back. "Let's try IVF. Please Grace. At least let's try."

"No. I can't go through that again. The hormones, the lack of privacy, the hope, the crushing disappointment; I'd end up on a psychiatric ward."

"We could adopt."

"No, we couldn't. We're not married and would probably be considered too old anyway." I decided not to mention that if they were aware of his past drug use we would definitely not be deemed suitable.

"We can fix one of those."

"It's not the point, Eddie! I don't want any child. I want yours. Inside me."

He looked as heart broken as I felt. His long legs tightened around me. Even his feet were sexy, I thought despondently. "Please think about it, Gracie. Just one cycle. Think about it."

I put my arms around him and hugged him back. "I can't. I just can't go through that again. I'm sorry. Just find someone else." I started to push him away. "Just go away and find someone who can give you the family you deserve."

"No!" Eddie was pulling me back in to him. "We've been through this. There is only you for me." I was struggling but he wasn't going to let go. Fighting and wriggling against him soon became fighting and wriggling for him. As much as I wanted babies, I needed Eddie more. We were kissing like our lives depended upon it. I put a hand to his cock but it wasn't hard anymore. Some gentle coaxing and there were stirrings. I started to slide down but Eddie grabbed my arms and yanked me back up.

"No."

No? He never said no to a blow job.

"I don't deserve it."

"I want to. Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No. You remember that thing Mick brought round?"

"That was a joke. Wasn't it?"

"I want you to use it. On me."

"No. End of conversation."

"Not end of conversation. I want you to."

"Why? I know my experience is limited but the first time is bloody uncomfortable."

"I know. I want it to hurt. I'm letting you down."

"You're not letting me down! I'm the one to blame, does that make you want to hurt me?"

"If it was what you really needed I would; and this is what I really need, what I really want. I feel like you are being denied because of my past. I know it isn't logical but its how I feel. If you punish me and forgive me maybe....Grace, I want this. If you love me, do this for me please." He started kissing my hands and wrists. Bastard! He knew it made me melt. I bit my lip trying not to agree. Then he started kissing and sucking at my fingers and I was lost.

"I don't want to." I whispered forlornly, but we both knew I had just said yes. "Where is it?"

"In the kitchen. Bag by the fridge. Go and get it, please."

I walked through to the kitchen and saw the bag where it was waiting for removal. It had been a big joke and I had smacked Mick round the back of his head with it for bringing it and he'd laughed. I took the bag back to the bedroom and tipped the contents on to the bed. So, this was Bob, big and purple. I looked at Eddie expecting him to change his mind but he just passed me the cuffs. I looked at them and back to him.

"Do this for me. Please. Do it properly."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, turn around and kneel on the bed."

Obediently he climbed on to the edge of the bed, turned his back to me and put his wrists together.

"Take your watch off." This was going to get intense and if he wanted to feel vulnerable he could take it off. Eddie took it off and leaned over to put it on the cabinet before assuming his position. I put the cuffs on him again but as I'd closed the cuff over the scar I had bent to kiss it. With him knelt down I could stand behind him and kiss his neck where his hairline turned down in a little point whilst I put my arms around him and felt his body. I tilted his head so I could nibble at his ear. My hands then slide back down to his manhood and teased and cajoled it back to its full glory. "We don't have to do this." I whispered.

"We do." He whispered back. "How do you want me?"

"Medium rare." My hands guided his shoulders down to the mattress and tilted his face to the side. The temptation to slap his raised butt was enormous but I resisted. I just rubbed my hand over it and stroked it instead. OK, I can do this. I would make this as pleasant as possible for both of us. Just pretend its an examination. A lot of people really enjoy this aspect of love making. Think of James. NO, no, no, don't think of James! Maybe we would both love it, wouldn't know until we tried. Come on Gracie, you can do this. Deep breath, OK.

"How comfortable are you like that? You're going to need to relax."

He shuffled and wiggled a bit. "OK." I forget who, but someone once told me that you needed a sense of humour for good sex and right then I was inclined to agree.

One of the items that had dropped out beside Bob was a tube of lube. I picked it up. Strawberry flavour! Jesus Christ, Mick! At least Bob was brand new. It had been a surreal moment watching the boys unwrap him at the kitchen table and hoot with laughter as they used him as a cosh. I squirted a blob of the sweet smelling gel on my finger. "Are you sure about this?"

"Do it."

I smeared the gel around his anus and I knew it was cold as he sucked air.

"It's okay, it will soon warm up." Gently I started to rub it around. He kept still but I could see his hands tense against the cuffs.

"It's okay, Eddie baby. Try to relax. Just close your eyes and concentrate on breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, slow and deep." I took another blob of lube and began to work it around his entrance with my finger tips, each time they ran over it just pressing a little more firmly. Eventually I could feel Eddie relax and on the next pass pushed a fingertip inside him. Eddie jerked but said nothing.

"It's alright, baby, you're doing good." My other hand caressed his balls and then moved between his legs to stroke his cock. Well, he was still hard so that was something. Keeping my finger exactly where it was I gently masturbated him. He began to relax again. As I tugged on him I pushed my finger further up him and felt the muscles of his back passage clench on it. All the time reassuring him, I started to move it round trying to relax and expand his muscles. Eddie grunted despite his efforts not to. He was clearly finding it uncomfortable.

"I can stop, baby. Shall we forget about this?"

"No!" He snapped. "Do it!"

I moved my finger more firmly, trying to expand him, and he grunted again.

"Please let me stop."

"No!" He was adamant.

"Okay, but I want you to move so you are kind of bent over the edge of the bed rather than kneeling on it. Roll on to your side." Eddie did as he was bid then stretched out his legs and rolled back onto his front. That had to be more comfortable for him. I used my finger to work more lube up him and began stretching him again. His face was turned to the side and I could see it with him in this position. He did not appear to be enjoying it! Slowly he started to relax and as it got easier his eyes weren't scrunched up quite as tight. More lube and time for the next stage. A second finger crept up along side the first. Eddie was sweating now.

"Want to stop?" Please want to stop.

"No! Just do it. Just ram it up me."

I looked at Bob. I couldn't believe I was doing this. Bob was what Mick had gleefully described as a 'strapless strap on'. Maybe because I was a doctor he seemed to think he could discuss these things at dinner like other people discussed the football results. TMI Mick! No wonder he and Eddie got along so well, neither of them had an ounce of shame. Bob was basically a large purple plastic dildo with a shorter, sturdier extension at 90 degrees. Mick informed me with a big grin that you just popped it up your lady bits, clenched and bobs your uncle. Or bob your boyfriend to be more precise. Quite what he and Eddie talked about at work, to make him think we needed one I didn't want to know! I decided that I wasn't quite ready for its ultimate purpose yet. I gave it a generous coat of lube and began rubbing the tip over the entrance to Eddie's back passage. I began to push it inside and Eddie clenched immediately.

"Just try to relax, baby." I removed Bob and pushed a finger inside again trying to loosen him up. When the muscles eased I swapped back to Bob. I pushed gently but firmly and got a couple of inches up. Eddie was panting now and his eyes were watering. "Please baby, you've got to relax." Rotating it back and forth slightly I pushed slowly again and got it about four inches in. Tears were rolling down Eddie's cheeks and he was drenched in sweat. I could feel my own tears for him starting to form.

"Is it...all in?" He gasped.

"No. Can I stop now?"

"No. All of it."

I inserted all six inches. Eddie's breathing was ragged. I moved it out and then back in slightly. Eddie sounded like he was giving birth. After a moment or two, he managed to open his eyes.

"You're not...wearing it."

"I know but..." that was as far as I got.

"Do it!" Eddie shouted and I jumped. "Do me properly. Hard. Like I have you! I have to know how it feels for you."

I nodded tearfully. It is what he wants; I can do this. I pulled Bob out quickly and Eddie nearly screamed. While he was still dilated I got the tube of lube and squirted a good amount inside him. Then I slowly pushed Bob back. I turned it until the 'thumb' was sticking up and eased myself on to it. I slowly began moving my hips back and forth, pushing and pulling the rubber cock inside him. Eddie was making strange animalistic noises that could have been pain or pleasure. Gradually he let his muscles relax and it became easier and smoother to penetrate and withdraw. I was really doing it; I was taking him. My fear of hurting him was receding and instead I began to feel powerful. I was doing it; I was fucking him; he was my bitch now. Eddie was begging for it; panting and urging me to do him harder and faster. I began to thrust properly. I put a finger to my clit and began to rub. I was thrusting and rubbing frantically. Eddie was groaning and pleading for it; whining for more. I could feel my orgasm coming. I was fucking him! I wanted to hurt him! Take it all, you dirty bastard! Yes, fuck you. Yes, yes, yes, yes.... I was crying out yes over and over as I came and finally collapsed on top of him. I was panting like I'd run a marathon. I climbed off and then, very carefully, removed Bob from Eddie. I rolled Eddie over and he still had a massive hard on.

"You didn't come?" I asked, running my hands over it.

He shook his head, rather dazed.

"Get further on the bed." Almost a threat. He wriggled further up. I climbed on after him, straddled him and then sank up to the hilt on that beautiful cock.

"Do you want to come? Shall I fuck you again?" I demanded.

He nodded.

"Say it."

"Fuck me. Please."

Having found his voice, there was no stopping him. On and on, a litany of filth. Dirty, sweet words; what he wanted me to do to him, what he longed to do to me. I was bouncing and thrusting on him for all I was worth. Fucking and grinding hard on his cock, feeling my own excitement building again.

"Harder!" Eddie urged. "Hurt me. Fuck me, fuck me harder."

"It is possible to break a penis, you know." I warned him.

There was a raspy, dirty laugh. "The things this cock has done, I don't reckon there's any chance of you breaking it anytime soon!"

I froze.

"Shit! I didn't mean it like that, Grace!"

I couldn't breathe. "So this is tame for you? This is boring?"

"No! No, this is amazing. The best. I didn't mean it like that. Don't stop!"

I looked at Ed lying between my legs. He was an animal. I'd known that from the beginning.

"Don't stop! I'm yours, you know that." He was pleading.

I knew he'd been a bad boy. I knew he'd been wild. Get over it. I managed a weak smile for him. Any doubts melted away in the heat of the sexy, libidinous smile I got back. I found I could breathe again. More than that, I could move again. He was the same Ed, and I still wanted him so much I could scream. I began to grind on him once more. Bless him, he made sure I knew how much it was blowing his mind. Groaning and swearing, his sweat soaked body writhed and thrust up to meet me.

Oh, it felt so good and seemed to go on forever.

Suddenly, he pushed his head back and arched his back. A sound like a bellow and a scream came from deep inside him and erupted out of his mouth; a sound of pleasure and release. I could feel him pulsing inside me and hear those little grunts. I put a finger tip to my aching little button and within seconds I came too. I didn't think either of us would be able to walk in the morning.

I got the key and released him once more. As soon as his hands were free he pulled me down to him. "Hmmm, cuffs are nice. Being able to hold you is nicer."

"Are you alright? You're not hurting?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Am I forgiven?"

I wanted to tell him not to be so daft, there was nothing he needed to be forgiven for; but I knew this wasn't what he needed to hear. I nodded, "All forgiven, my love."

A big, beatific smile spread across his face. I watched him for a few moments trying to etch every detail of that handsome face into my memory. Brown eyes opened and regarded me confidently.

"We are going to try IVF."

"No, we are not."

"Yes, we are. I have enough put aside for several tries. You and me, I can't believe that we can't make a baby together. We have to try."

"No, we don't."

He was about to argue when his expression changed. "I need the loo." He announced.

Bet you do, I thought. I rolled away so he could dash off. I was sound asleep before he got back.

# Chapter Twenty

The Golf Club Valentine's Day Dinner was quite a big event locally and I was surprised that Eddie wanted to go. It was black tie and I just hadn't thought it would be his thing. Stuart was seriously into his golf and every year the practice had a table. Most of the girls went; it was a fantastic excuse to dress up. This year, possibly because Eddie was going, James was going too. Tasha also had a ticket and although she wouldn't be drinking this year, she was always fun.

The last Friday in January, James and I had gone up to Bristol on a course. We had decided to make a weekend of it. Friday night Eddie drove up and, with Raj, the four of us had eaten and drunk and generally had an almost indecently good time. Well, three of us had drunk, as usual Eddie didn't bother. We staggered back to Raj's at some ungodly hour and there was lots of drunken giggling and sober shushing as Eddie and I tried to make out in the spare room without disturbing anyone. On Saturday the poor senior reg was working, so Raj gingerly set off for work and we packed Eddie off home, then James and I hit the shops! I got a new posh frock, short enough to show off my pins but floaty enough to hide my sins. James picked it out, what can I say, the guy has taste. I am afraid to say I was probably less helpful in return because I thought he looked gorgeous in every tux he tried on. My favourite was a dark grey one as it was less harsh than the black suits and flattered his fair colouring but I have to say he looked pretty damned hot in all of them. Shirt and tie were quickly sorted but cuff links took a little longer. Between us we decided on a silver pair with sapphire detailing. I told him he had to get them because sapphire was his birthstone and he berated me for a "typical bird" comment. It was a fabulous day; shopping, lunch, gossip. What more could a girl ask for? Saturday evening we took it a little steadier with a trip to a pizzeria and the cinema. James and Raj were both tired so we had an early night. Sunday, after a welcome lie in, James and I headed home.

When the big night arrived I carefully packed my gladrags and walked over to Eddie's. He'd been working all day and had only just back before me. He was sweaty and grimy and, dare I say it, a little ripe. He went to give me a hug hello but I batted him off. "I've already had a shower, Eddie Langsett, you go and get yours!" He laughed and bounded off.

Whilst Eddie was in the bathroom I got ready. I carefully put my makeup on and then turned my attention to my hair. I pulled it back into a pony tail and then put a hairy, scrunchy thing around it that made it look like a fancy up do. A few strands pulled loose and curled and the hair was sorted. New dress and strappy sandals and I was done. I looked at my reflection and for once was satisfied with what I saw. Thank heavens for fake tan. Very, VERY carefully I made my way to the kitchen. They are called killer heels for a reason! I sat at the kitchen table to wait for Eddie.

The shower had stopped some minutes ago and I could hear him moving around in the bedroom. When he walked into the kitchen I was ... well, awestruck doesn't even come close. He was gorgeous. He was always gorgeous but now he was GORGEOUS!!!!! He looked like James Bond. I was blown away. Wow! Tall, dark and handsome personified. I stood up, clutching my little handbag like a security blanket, and it was clear that Eddie liked what he saw too. "Screw the Dinner, I think I am going to have to drag you off to bed right now."

"Screw the Dinner, I think I'm going to let you."

"You look beautiful."

"You look like a movie star."

He moved in for a smooch.

"Oooo makeup! Don't smudge my makeup," I flapped, waving my matching frilly, peach clutch at him.

Instead he nuzzled into my neck and grabbed my bum. After some appreciative rubbing I felt his hands slide down my thighs and started to lift my dress. " No, Eddie, stop it." A little half hearted perhaps. He lifted his head and gave me a look. I swear to God those sexy, brown eyes actually smouldered. I went weak at the knees; but that could have been due to my silly shoes. I was just about to tell him not to stop it when the phone went. I couldn't decide whether to be pleased or not. It was Marilyn asking why we weren't there yet. Bless her! She loved Eddie unreservedly but had absolutely no illusions about him and what he was like! He grabbed the keys and stretched out his hand. I gratefully held on to it as I tottered out to the pickup.

"I could get used to you having to hang on to me," he purred as he opened the car door.

"So could I," as I slid on to the seat and tried to arrange the hem of my dress modestly.

Eddie reached across me as if he were a seat belt. Leaning in so his face was against mine he whispered, "Just so you know; we will continue this later. And there won't be any phone calls to save you."

Oh, I so don't want saving!

.

Being one of the last to arrive we parked at the farthest end of the car park. Eddie trotted round to open my door for me. I gave him my bag to hold whilst I tried to slide out of the pickup without flashing. Once I was out he leant round and chucked my bag back inside. "For tonight, me Tarzan, you Jane. It's my night - I want to show you off. You don't need money; you don't need lipstick; and you certainly don't need that bloody phone!" God, he wags his finger just like his mum! Spooky.

"I love it when you are masterful." I wasn't entirely joking. I shut the door.

He pulled me against him and replied in a mock dramatic tone, "Oh you have no idea how masterful I am going to be!" He was sexy even when he was joking.

"Get a hotel room!" bellowed a voice across the car park. James!

The truck alarm chelped and we walked carefully to where our heckler was waiting at the entrance.

.

Inside, we went straight to our places. Everyone else was seated and orders were already being taken on the first tables. Ever the gentleman, Stuart stood to greet us. He kissed my cheek and shook Eddie's hand. I slid my little jacket off and put it on the back of my chair. For February it was mild and the forecast was dry so I hadn't thought it necessary to bring a big coat. Just as well, because I hadn't seen anywhere to hang one on the way in. Eddie glanced at the menu options and chose the goat's cheese starter, the beef main and cheese board to finish. He asked me to order for him, checked that everyone was ok for drinks and then he sauntered off to the bar to get a GnT for me and a pint of shandy each for James and himself. I watched him make his way to the bar. Sometimes you can watch someone walk and you just know they are feeling really good. I loved the way he moved. 'He's so amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am,' I thought dreamily. I sighed and turned back to the table. I noticed Marilyn smiling, flushed with pride. Oh busted! She had been watching me watching Eddie and hadn't missed the stupid moony expression on my face. When she looked up her eyes were happy and sparkly. I know she worried a lot about him. She worried a lot about everyone. The girls were chitchatting and admiring each others frocks. Roisin was wearing a trendy number that wouldn't have suited anyone over 25 but looked fabulous on her. Tasha was wearing a stunning cobalt blue dress with matching shoes. With her olive skin and dark eyes she looked like a slightly pregnant goddess. For a second I wondered if Eddie had noticed how beautiful she was. Then I realized I was being stupid, he had eyes and a pulse, of course he would have noticed. I just hoped he didn't want to do anything about it. Stuart interrupted my moment of insecurity by enquiring if I wanted red or white wine because he was going to order a few bottles. I asked for mineral water. I wanted to be relatively sober because I was so going to enjoy Eddie when we got home. I could feel myself blushing. A few glasses of wine and I might say that in front of his mother!

After dinner the lights dimmed a little, the music started and people began to wander around and mingle. The girls had polished off at least half a bottle of wine each and, as is traditional when women and alcohol are mixed, the talk was getting increasingly bawdy. James, who was sober, gave as good as he got. Marilyn pretended to be shocked but you could tell she'd heard it all before. Stuart surprised me the most. He presided over the table like Bacchus over a feast; plying everyone with wine and then sitting back to laugh indulgently at their antics.

I caught Eddie studying me.

"What?"

"You need to move in with me." He made it sound so simple.

"But you said I could have Wayside until Easter."

He leaned forward. "I'm not telling you that you have to get out of Wayside. I'm telling you that you need... I need... you to move in with me. If you won't marry me, please live with me. Don't you at least love me enough for that? God, listen to me!" He snorted. "Isn't it supposed to be the woman who is always harping on about commitment?"

I knew the others hadn't heard what he said but it was obvious from his manner that something major was going down and we were getting some looks.

I put a hand to his face and looked him in the eye. "I do, I will and I have never been more committed to anyone!"

Relief visibly flooded through him.

"You ready for another?" Eddie asked.

"OK, last one though."

"You've only had one."

I leant to whisper in his ear so no one else would over hear. "Don't want to be too drunk to remember the things I'm going to do to you later!"

His turn to blush. He grinned like a naughty school boy.

That didn't escape Marilyn's beady eye either and I was touched to see how happy she was for him.

"James?" Ed pointed to his glass.

"Orange juice, please."

"Pint?"

"Why not?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. "Come on. You can help me carry them."

We must have stopped for Eddie to introduce me to at least six people between the table and the bar. I noticed he took the long way round and we ended up at the end of the bar which was furthest from the table.

There were a few people waiting to be served at our end so there were yet more introductions. I thought it odd we hadn't just gone to the closest end but people seemed to be avoiding it. There was just one person there and he had already got his drink. Being a GP, dealing with people all day, you get pretty good at reading people. This guy radiated trouble. Evidently, everyone else thought so too.

He casually made his way up the bar. It was a little too casual and I noticed that nobody greeted him like they had done Eddie.

"Langsett." He oiled.

"Parker." Eddie was still holding my hand and I could feel him tense.

The barman put our drinks out and Ed let go of my hand to pass him a note. Parker just stood there smirking. Eddie passed me my drink.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"No." He picked up two pint glasses of orange juice and turned to go back to our table. Parker leant round Eddie's back and looked straight at me.

"And who's lovely wife might you be?"

For a moment I thought Eddie was going to smash a glass of OJ in Parker's face. A look passed briefly over him that scared me. With his hands full, he used his arm to gently nudge me towards our table and to my relief he just walked away. As we sat down I raised an eyebrow at him but he shook his head. The girls were still loud and boisterous but I noticed both James and Marilyn looked worried.

It wasn't long before the incident was forgotten and the whole table was laughing and generally having a good time. Eddie went to sit next to James and I ended up chatting to Tasha. She was admiring my nails and I admitted that I knew a mobile manicurist and had got her to do my nails especially for tonight. With three kids it was hard for Tasha to get time to have any treats like a manicure. It was finding someone to child mind whilst she went out that was difficult. If she had to pay for a child minder it made it a very expensive treat. I knew I had the nail lady's number in my phone but then I remembered the phone was in my bag in the car. I offered to get it for her. I got the key from Eddie and then trip-trapped across the dance floor to the exit.

.

It was cold, but not unpleasantly so, outside the golf club. The gravel was crunchy underfoot as I made my way down the row to Eddie's pick up to get the number for Tasha. As I returned with my purse I was aware of a man standing next to a Range Rover parked nearest to the door. As I got closer I started to feel nervous. It was Parker and he was looking distinctly worse for wear. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Eddie's little lady!" he leered unpleasantly.

"Really? Who refers to women as 'little ladies'? That would have been lame 50 years ago." My tone could have induced frost bite at 30 paces.

If he noticed, it did not show. He pushed himself off the car. "Got to hand it to him," the drunk lurched forwards, "he fucks some fine looking bitches."

The instinct for self-preservation kicked in and I started to back up. I was past nervous and reaching plain scared. "You really are a nasty, pathetic excuse for a man. Get away from me!" I was never going to outrun him with my silly shoes on. Maybe I could get around the other side of the car and to the door? I knew I could beat most men at most things but if it came down to brute strength I was never going to win.

He seemed to find his balance and moved towards me more purposefully.

Edging backwards I reached the corner of the Range Rover. Parker's bloodshot eyes were raking up and down me and came to rest on my pubic area. "So that's the precious snatch that brought the great Eddie Langsett to heel! Must be really something. Perhaps I should try some!" and he lunged. His fingertips missed me by a matter of inches and I was off round the car. He took a heartbeat to get his balance back and then he was after me. I made it past the front of the car before Parker caught me. His left hand grabbed my dress and tore it at the neck whilst the other grabbed my wrist. The gravel made so much noise, surely someone must have heard! "Let me go!" I shouted, aiming a sharp, spiked heel at his shins. I missed and caught his calf; not painful enough to make him let go but enough to make him even angrier. He continued to hold my wrist but with his other hand grabbed towards the hem of my ruined dress and tried to yank it up. There was the sound of more material tearing. "No!" I yelled. Please God, let someone hear me! "Get away from me!" So this was it. I was going to get raped so close to the door, and safety, that the courtesy light would shine on it all. He tugged frantically at my dress again but I managed to get my arm around and claw at his face. He bellowed in pain and I heard the door behind me open and more light flooded the scene. The distraction was enough for Parker to land a sweeping backhand which sent me, sick and dizzy, to the floor. The world momentarily went grey and I could taste blood. I was vaguely aware of a shout, more gravel crunching, an oooof! and then something thudding against the car. When I managed to look up I saw Eddie had Parker over the bonnet of the Range Rover and was beating him mercilessly.

A voice I did not recognise called out "Langsett! Enough!". More figures crunched past and tried to drag him off. "You're no good to her in prison, lad." Eddie slowed and allowed them to pull him away. Parker slid off the car to the floor.

"Are you alright, Miss? Do you need an ambulance?" the same voice asked.

My head was reeling and I thought I might be sick. I was clutching my torn dress to keep myself covered and I noticed there was blood down the soft peach fabric. As the greyness faded still further I realised my lower lip was split. The pain was starting to kick in. I tried to get up but the owner of the voice put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw a man in his 50's with silvering hair and kind eyes. He squatted down besides me. "I should wait a minute, Miss," he advised gently. "Do you need an ambulance?"

I shook my head and he stood up. Nodding at those restraining Eddie he walked over. Eddie's chest was heaving and he looked ready to resume trying to kill the groaning figure on the floor. They locked eyes for a moment before the fight went out of Eddie; his shoulders slumped and, looking down, he nodded. "Look to your lady, Langsett. " They let Eddie go and he dashed to me. I felt the warmth of his jacket being placed carefully over my shoulders and then he sank to his knees beside me and put his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry, my love, so sorry," he whispered, pulling me in to his chest. He smelt of soap and faint cologne and safety. I started to cry and Eddie held me. Just for moment there was only us in the world. We were brought back to reality by the sound of Parker loosing his stomach contents over the small stones. I looked up to see the man who seemed to be in charge dancing out of the way so as not to get vomit over his feet. He made a noise of disgust and got his phone out to call an ambulance. I turned my head to look at the door. Stuart, James and Marilyn stood there, shocked and unsure what to do. Glancing further round I noticed a window into the main function room with an audience gawping out of it.

"Must be hard up for entertainment around here." It was feeble but it was the best I could do.

Eddie lifted his head and managed a half laugh. I looked at his face and just wanted to be alone with him far from this place. He got to his feet and then helped me up. This seemed to break the spell and people started moving; spilling from the building. I pulled his jacket tightly around me and felt his arms around me again. James stepped forward, not knowing what to say but feeling the need to do something, to offer his support and be there for us in some way. Stuart had an arm around Marilyn's shoulders as much to hold her in place and stop her getting hysterical as anything. I heard a woman inside declaring loudly "I saw it through the window, I did. Saw it all. He tried to rip her dress right off. Bastard!"

There was a general hubbub and occasionally I could make out phrases like "bastard" and "weirdo."

Once he was sure that Parker was not going to choke on his own vomit, the silver haired guy came over.

"Langsett."

"Inspector."

The Inspector turned his attention to me. "Do you want to press charges?"

"I don't know." It sounded wimpy but all I knew for sure at that point was that I wanted to be safe at home with my Eddie.

He nodded sympathetically. This stuff was his bread and butter. He understood. He took a deep breath and I knew he had bad news. "Parker might try to press charges against Eddie. Probably wouldn't get to court but it would be stressful and upsetting."

Without letting go of the jacket I clung to the front of Eddie's shirt. He put his hand over mine.

"So if I let it go he will leave Eddie alone? That's what you are saying?"

The policeman's face was unhappy. "I don't like it but I know his type. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to bargain his way out."

"No way!" Eddie was furious.

"If it protects Eddie then I won't take it further."

"No!"

"It isn't up to you. What did you do to make him hate you so much anyway?"

Eddie fell silent and the man with the kind eyes looked away. Even James seemed to be wishing himself invisible.

After what seemed like ages but was probably only a couple of seconds Kind Eyes turned back. "Go home and take care of her," and then to me, "do I have your permission to say you will not pursue it?"

I nodded.

"Then I promise you that you won't hear any more from Richard Parker about this."

"I'll get your coat," volunteered James. Bless that man! He picked up my purse and handed it to Eddie before disappearing back into the club house.

With his arms still around me, Eddie steered me back to his pick up. He fished the keys out of my bag and opened the passenger door for me. I was shaking now and I didn't know if it was the cold or my lucky escape. Turning back to me he put his arms around me again and held me close. "I am sorry, I should have been there, to protect you. I let you down. I'm so sorry my love." There were fresh tears rolling down my face. I wiped them away.

"It's ok. It's not your fault." I whispered.

"It is." He sounded like he wanted to die."It is my fault." And then he put his head on my shoulder.

After a few minutes approaching footsteps made us pull ourselves together. James appeared with my jacket. He took one look and declared " you are NOT driving!".

Footsteps behind him heralded Marilyn's arrival. "Eddie..." she started but the words died on her lips as she saw him.

"Ah, Mrs Langsett! I'm going to drive them home. Could you follow in mine, please?" James had slipped into doctor mode; I noticed the use of Mrs Langsett not Marilyn and the tone was pleasant and professional but clearly you were going to do what you were told.

She nodded mutely and he passed her his keys. James took Eddie's keys and went round to the driver's door. Eddie helped me into the passenger seat and fussed over me until he was satisfied I was safe and comfortable. He gently kissed me but jumped back when my split lip made me wince. I noticed he had my blood on his face. "I love you," he repeated forlornly before taking a seat in the back.

The drive back was mercifully quiet. James may have had a God given gift for gossip but he also had a gift for knowing when to shut up. He broke the silence as we approached the turning for East Combe. "Yours?" He glanced across at me.

"Mine." The voice from the backseat suggested it might not be a good idea to mess with him on this one. Indicators on!

We turned off the main road and a few moments later another set of headlights swung round as Eddie's mum followed. When we reached the cottage the two cars parked up the track. Both men were out of the pick up in a flash. Eddie helped me out and took me to the front door.

"Anything else I can do?" James asked.

"No. You're a real friend. I appreciate it. Just make sure Mum gets home ok." They gave each other a hug and then to my surprise James gave me a hug too before he threw Eddie the keys and trotted back to his own car. Marilyn wound her window down but Eddie just put his hand up. "Not now Mum. It can keep til tomorrow." With that he turned, unlocked the front door and led me inside.

Once inside he flicked the kitchen lights on and I caught sight of my reflection in the window. Jeez, what a mess! My right lower lip was swollen and lacerated and there was blood down my torn dress which also had mud on the back of it where I had landed on the ground. My lipstick was smudged and my mascara now formed dark circles around my eyes. I looked like a panda having a rough night. Eddie was staring at me and for once I could not read his expression. He moved so he stood near, his eyes focused on the floor, his arms dangling by his side.

"I had his wife."

I just looked at him. I could have sworn he said....

"You wanted to know what I had done to make him hate me. I had sex with his wife."

When he got no response he raised his eyes. I went cold and my whole body started to prickle. On top of everything else that had happened tonight, was Eddie trying to tell me he had been unfaithful. I closed my eyes."When?" was all I could manage and then I waited for the axe to fall.

"A long time ago. When I was young and angry and drugged up to my eyeballs."

He had not cheated on me. I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath until I could suddenly breathe again.

"I was seriously messed up. Newly civilian and newly divorced. Doing any sort of shit I could get my hands on. I was in a pub with some mates and he started mouthing off. Really nasty stuff about my ex."

I could feel myself start to shake but motioned for him to go on. " So..." he faltered.

"So?"

"I seduced his wife. Fucked her in his own bed." Eddie looked scared to death.

"I need to sit down." Eddie guided me to a chair where I sat with my head in my hands. Eddie knelt before me. After a few moments I managed to raise my head and look at him. My lover: my sweet, kind, gentle lover. There was more, I could tell.

"And?"

He shook his head. Whether that meant there wasn't more or it meant he wasn't telling, who knew? He looked pale and tired, for once he looked his age.

There was silence except for the tick tock of the kitchen clock. I wished we had gone back to my place so that I could ask him to leave.

"Please," he pleaded. "I'm so sorry. I know what he's like. I should never have let you go alone. Oh God, I'm so sorry." He put his head on my lap and closed his eyes in his misery. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to shout at him to get off me. I closed my eyes too and tried to think. The guy was obviously a complete shit even before Eddie went with his wife. What Eddie had done was wrong, but as he had admitted he was severely messed up at the time. Nobody forced Parker to assault me. He should have got over it by now. What had Eddie actually done wrong? He hadn't told me about something nasty he did a long time ago after being provoked. He hadn't told me because he was a decent enough human being to be deeply ashamed about it. Ashamed and afraid of my reaction.

I put my hand on his head. His hair was soft and warm; a few greys, especially at the temples, and probably quite a few more after tonight. "Eddie?" I said quietly. He lifted his head and his eyes were still frightened. It was like a knife through my heart. I put my hand to his face, raised him up and kissed him. It was awkward and a little painful but worth it when I saw the look in his eyes. I managed a little smile and my heart still skipped a beat when his beautiful lips made a smile in reply.

"Do you still love me?" His voice shook.

"I will ALWAYS love you." Mine didn't.

Slowly he covered my face with kisses. He started to kiss my neck and when I shifted in the chair so I could move my hair out of the way my other hand happened to brush against his groin. I was amazed to feel that Eddie was hard. "Eddie!" I was incredulous ! He sat back onto his heels and whispered. "Let me take you to bed and make love to you. I will be so gentle, I promise. I need to know that you are still mine. I need to be inside you, to give you the only thing of value I have to give. Please, I will take you so gently, my lover. Don't leave me. Please still want me." Give the guy his due, he knew what to say to a woman. Is that what he'd said to Parker's wife?

Eddie took my hand and led me to his bed. Carefully and tenderly he took my ruined dress off before undressing himself and then he was as good as his word. Gently he kissed me and touched me all over my body; his tongue and fingers making me melt with longing. With his arms around me, elbows taking his weight, he slowly pushed his manhood inside me. It felt exquisite, stretching and yielding to him. Carefully he moved in and out, caressing me inside; sliding back and forth as if he thought I might break. Even his climax when it came was slow and gentle. "Shall I make you come?" he whispered as he lay panting on top of me. I shook my head.

"No. Just hold me." So he rolled off and lay by my side with his strong arms around me. Exhausted by the evening and Eddie I fell asleep.

.

When I came to in the morning Eddie was already awake. I could hear him pottering about in the kitchen. Looking at the clock I couldn't believe that he was up and about so early on a Sunday. I lay there listening to the birds and the clink of plates and cutlery. The tink, tink, tink of a teaspoon against a teacup seemed so normal and soothing. Five more minutes, I promised, then I'll get up. Whilst I was dozing I heard a car approaching up the track. A car door slammed and the cottage front door open. The voice I recognised straight away as Marilyn's. Bloody Hell, was early rising genetic? I couldn't make out what was being said and was content to let the mumbling wash over me. More footsteps and they must have moved into the kitchen because the conversation became distinct.

"Cup of tea, Mum?"

"Yes please love." Something else was muttered but I didn't catch it.

"Still sleeping. I didn't want to wake her."

"How's she doing?"

"Ok."

"Did you tell her? Does she know what all this was about?"

"Mum!" I knew Eddie was rolling his eyes.

There was a silence and again I just knew that Marilyn was giving him the stern eye in reply.

"Yes, Ok? I told her about Lyndsey." He hadn't told me her name, I thought with a pang. I didn't want to know her name.

"How did she take it?"

"How would you take it if you found out your boyfriend was a prize bastard?"

"Eddie!" There was an awkward silence broken only by the fridge door opening and the tink of the teaspoon again. "She let him get away with it because of you." No response that I could hear. "She needs the truth, not just breakfast in bed. You have to tell her everything and just prey she loves you enough to stay!"

"Mum, don't."

I was going to have to get up; I knew Eddie was hurting and it sounded like Marilyn was winding herself up to have a real go at him. A Marilyn telling off is a rare but frightening thing.

"You tell her and if she forgives you, you damn well put a ring on her finger, my boy! What? You think you will ever do better? Do NOT let the best thing that ever happened to you get away!" Even with my eyes closed I knew she was giving him the 'Marilyn Finger Jab'.

"Sssh!"

"Well," she continued at a slightly lower level, "I thought you loved her?"

"I do, Mum. I do."

"Then make it right!"

"I will."

There was another silence. I heard the lever on the toaster being pushed down and the fridge opening again.

When Marilyn next spoke her voice was soft and worried. "And how are you doing, Eddie boy?"

I heard a chair scrape and then all was quiet again.

"Toast's nearly done. I'd better wake Grace."

"Let her sleep, son. It's what she needs. You look shattered too, perhaps you should go back to bed? I 'll go. I just..."

"I know."

Quiet again and then footsteps on the stone floor. The front door opened and there was more indistinct talk. There was an exasperated "Mum!" before a car door opened, shut and an engine fired up. The front door closed and I heard footsteps, something being poured down the sink and then the sound of a tray clinking. The door creaked and I did my best sleeping log impression.

A rough hand gently brushed my hair from my forehead and I fluttered my eyes open. "Eddie." I smiled and immediately regretted it. Oh my lip!

"Morning, my lover." Soft lips brushed my cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than you look," I said truthfully. He looked rough.

"Charming!" but he was smiling.

Tea and toast in bed. The night before was just a bad dream.

"Mum called round to ask how you were. Told me to give you her love."

"That's nice." I waited to see if he would say anything else. Nothing was forth coming so we ate our breakfast in companionable silence. As I ate I became aware Eddie was watching me intently.

"What?"

No answer.

"What!? Do I have a bogie hanging down? What?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Just thinking," and it was clear that he was not going to say anymore.

# Chapter Twenty-One

It had been a week since the assault and my lip was almost back to normal. I'd gone back to Wayside, moving in with Eddie temporarily on hold. What happened that night seemed to have affected him far worse than it had me. The hardest thing to deal with was his increasing clinginess. He seemed to have moved in to mine since he was afraid to mention me moving in to his. He'd started out as thoughtful and attentive but was now getting rather OCD about it. He was constantly touching me and holding me. That sounds an odd thing to complain about but it made it difficult to get anything done. If I was loading the washing machine he would come and put his arms round me, or when I was putting the kettle on, or trying to put the shopping away or having a shower. Things got so bad that he would try to follow me into the bathroom and I would have to shoo him out. I was so damn pleased to get to work and be away from him. Subtle hints about him going back to his place for a day or two were ignored. Eventually, on Saturday afternoon, I sat Eddie down at the kitchen table and told him we had to talk. He nodded like he had been expecting it. I made us both a coffee and we sat together at the corner, clutching our mugs nervously. I went first.

"Sweetheart, I know you feel bad about.....things. But you shouldn't. It wasn't your fault. It's over and done with, let's move on."

"I should have been there for you."

"You were!" I gave a large, exasperated sigh and looked around the kitchen for inspiration. OK, new tack. "It doesn't change anything. I still love you. I'm still yours. You just have to give me a little space." Eddie winced like I'd slapped him. At the time I thought it was because I was asking him to back off. Later, when I replayed the conversation in my head, it dawned on me that he'd winced as I had said I loved him.

"There's so much you need to know."

"No, there isn't." I watched the steam rise from my coffee and wondered what to say next.

Eddie took a sip and then put his cup down. " I promise after today I will give you as much space as you need." What an odd way to phrase it!

"It's not that I... It isn't..." Oh shit. "I don't want... It's changed something between us and I want things back the way they were. You're not happy around me anymore. I make you miserable. When you constantly want to hold me I know it's reassurance you need and I know you're not getting it. Tell me what you need."

He reached over and took my coffee off me then he held both my hands to his warm chest. "I need you to come upstairs with me now. I need us to make love and I need it to be wonderful for you. I need you to feel, to really understand how much you mean to me."

To be honest he had me at 'make love'. I will have to work on not being so easily distracted

Upstairs we lay fully clothed next to each other on the bed. We started kissing, softly, slowly, gently. We spent ages just kissing. Eventually the clothes started to come off but it was all leisurely, no hurry, no urgency, we knew neither of us were going anywhere.

When we were both ready for it Eddie sat with his legs out in front of him and a little in front of the headboard. Then he leaned back on to it. He took my hands and helped me to straddle him. "Take me inside you!" Barely a whisper. He held his stiff cock still as I slid down onto him until he had to move his hand so I could take all of him. The pressure of all that man buried deep within me was already making me pant. Sitting on him, face to face, was so intimate, so erotic. Eddie bent his legs up, pushing me forward making me tilt my pelvis to keep him inside. He gently teased my erect nipples. "Harder," I asked quietly. His skilled fingers obliged, they twisted and pulled, always just the right side of my pain threshold. He let his thighs slide down a little so I could lean back a bit.

"Take me," he sighed. He was flushed and aroused and at that moment I would have done anything for him. I was completely in his thrall and happy to be so.

I started to move and gyrate on him. In the dim distance I was aware of my own voice moaning in ecstacy. I always came quickly and easily on top of Eddie and he knew it. "Look at me." I looked in to his eyes and he held my jaw so I couldn't look away. He placed a finger so that as I ground on him the soft pad of it rubbed my clitoris. "Show me how much you enjoy making love to me. Bring yourself off. Come on, let me watch you make it." I was moving faster, panting harder and moaning louder. Oh so good! Backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. Wanting him, needing him, not able to look away. "Good girl, oh good girl!" he breathed. Seeing him so aroused pushed me even closer to the edge. I was now grinding on his cock desperately. "Oh , oh, oh, oh!" I was just so fucking desperate to come. The faster and harder I thrust on to his big dick the harder and faster his finger rubbed my throbbing clit. "Please, please, yes, yes, oh yes!" I was begging and pleading to climax.

"You've got to do it on your own, baby. Come on, you can make it."

"I can't," I sobbed in frustration. I was thrusting and grinding and crying. "Please, Eddie, please, please help me. " I was fucking him like a wild thing. No pride, no dignity, just the animal need to cum on that huge dick.

"Lean back, baby," he soothed.

He straightened his legs and leant me back so I could put my hands on his knees and use my arms to help me rut and he could see my tits jiggle and bounce. He leaned back to watch. "Bring yourself off, my lover. Masturbate for me."

I put my middle finger to my aching womanhood and rubbed frantically. I wanted him and I wanted release.

"Oh yes! Show me what I do to you!" Eddie sounded triumphant and my orgasm hit me. I arched on top of him, no idea what I was saying but screaming it all the same.

As I collapsed he grabbed my arms and pulled me in to him. I rested against him, stunned and hurting.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly as he stroked my hair.

"No," I snivelled.

"What's wrong?"

"How can that be the most amazing ever for me and but not for you."

His arms tightened around me and I became aware that I couldn't move. He bent his legs up again so I was pinned to him. He hid his face in my neck.

"I don't deserve you. I have to tell you somethings and you may never want me again. If you can forgive me, if you still want me, I will the most grateful and loyal man on the planet, I swear to you."

I went cold and started to shake. I didn't know if it was a post-coital reaction or a pre-conversation one.

"You don't have to tell me anything."

"Yes I do. You think you love me but you don't know me. If you knew why my wife left me; if you knew what a bastard I was afterwards or the horrible things I did; you might not want me anymore."

I managed to move my head back enough to look at him. His face was etched with regret but determined.

"No, Eddie," I shook my head. "Not now. Not ever. Don't!'

"You got hurt because I didn't tell you about me and Lyndsey....."

"NO!" I almost yelled at him. I frantically tried to free myself but it was no good. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR HER NAME!" Quieter now. "I don't want to know any of their names. I don't want to hear about your other lovers. I can't bear to think of you with anyone else. Please Eddie! No! Not in the bed we have just made love in." I pleaded with him.

"It has to be here and it has to be now, don't you see? It's my only chance. If I were telling you this in the cold light of day you'd be gone! Here, now, all this still fresh in your mind: You've felt how much I love you. You body knows it's for real. Maybe even if you can't forgive me, you might at least be willing to find a way to work around it."

Even in my distraught condition something registered. That had sounded very much like a speech. No man is that in touch with his emotions. He had clearly been thinking about this. A lot.

"You planned this, didn't you? The whole thing."

His grip had relaxed enough for me to sit up but I still couldn't move my legs. If he wasn't going to let me go I could at least pull the bed sheets around me.

Eddie looked at me but his eyes were like dead things and his face was devoid of any emotion. His hard on was disappearing and he slid out of me.

"My wife, Angie," it was as if he said her name deliberately to hurt me, "left me because I was useless in bed. 'A sad, pathetic, boring fuck' were her exact words the last time I saw her. " He might as well have been reciting the phone book for all the emotion there was in his voice. He continued the torture. She had been his first, taken his virginity at 16. Married at 19. He had always been taught that 'good girls' didn't like sex because it was dirty. He worshipped Angie so much of course she had to be a good girl. So when he came to her it was missionary position with the lights out. He'd tried so hard to give her a baby. When she left him for his CO she had spat at him that she'd been on the pill for years because she couldn't bare the thought of being pregnant to him.

I tried to comfort him but this wasn't Eddie, this was more like a recorded message.

He'd come home,angry and hurt. He no longer cared about anyone, including himself. He had decided that all women were whores and bitches and he would fuck them accordingly. He ran through a list of names, where and how he'd screwed them, what he'd done to hurt and humiliate them. It was a long list. In the case of one particular woman who was heavily into S&M he was graphic in his description of the ways she had inflicted pain on him. He had submitted to it because he felt he deserved it, that it was all he was good for. It broke my heart that my beautiful Ed would allow anyone to do such things to him: nearly as much as broke me to hear the way he had mistreated the others. No wonder the man had enemies.

The hairs on the back of my neck tingled and stood on end. I was close to throwing up but he wouldn't stop.

The last name on the list was Lyndsey Parker. Nice girl, never did anyone any harm. Eddie had bumped into her husband Richard in a pub. Eddie had a nose full of coke and Richard had a mouth full of evil. Richard bragged that he'd popped Angie's cherry when she was 15. He said the following summer she'd called him to laugh about some kid who'd had his first time with her in the sand dunes. Big dick but no idea what to do with it. Eddie had wanted to punish him so he set out to seduce Richard's wife. At first Lyndsey wasn't interested. She was happy with Richard, their two kids, one dog, nice house etc. She wasn't looking to stray. It had taken Eddie all his considerable charm and a lot of hard work to get her to fall for him. He'd finally got her knickers off. Fucked her in her marital bed and all the time she was telling him how she loved him. He had even taken pictures of her doing sex acts on him. As soon as he'd shot his load he had pulled up his pants and left. He didn't bother returning her calls anymore. The next time he bumped into Richard and Richard leered 'How's Ang?' Eddie had replied 'better than your missus' and thrown the photos at him. Richard had gone pale and left immediately and Eddie and his mates had got blind drunk to celebrate. He had been woken next morning by a phone call from James who was a house officer at the local A+E at that time. Richard had gone home, called his wife all sorts of foul names in front of their kids and then beaten her to a pulp. The frightened six year old had managed to call 999 and cried as he told them Daddy was killing Mummy. She had two black eyes, a broken nose, broken arm and several fractured ribs, bruises all over from where Richard had continued to kick her as she lay on the floor and broken fingers where he had stomped on her hand after he'd finished kicking her. And she was too ashamed to go to the police and bring charges.

Eddie had thought Parker nasty but not violent and a defenseless woman had paid the price for his idiocy and lack of judgement.

Finally, Eddie stopped and I wriggled free. I just made it to the bathroom in time. As I lifted the loo seat my stomach contents erupted out of my mouth. I fell to my knees, clutching the porcelain and panting before vomiting again. Eddie must have followed me because I was aware of him holding my hair out of the way. I wretched a couple more times even though my stomach was now empty. The nausea was passing so I closed the lid and gratefully rested my face against the cold surface. Eddie sat on the floor next to me. I wanted to tell him to go away but I didn't have the strength. Then he started again, this time detailing his substance abuse, what he had drunk, drugs he'd done after Angie left. Graphic descriptions of shooting up, popping, snorting: what it was like waking up in the gutter covered in his own vomit and excrement: on one occasion waking up to find someone pissing on him.

I thought the catalogue of misery and degradation would never end but eventually Eddie fell silent. Poor Marilyn. Poor James. Poor Lyndsey.

I heard sniffing. When I looked up Eddie was back, my Eddie, the real one not the monster I had just been listening to. He was crying quietly. I might have put my arms around him but I couldn't seem to lift my head from the toilet lid so I closed my eyes and, for the first time since my mother stopped beating me, I prayed.

After a while I noticed how cold the bathroom was and got up. Eddie hadn't moved; he was still sitting where he had been with his legs pulled up and his arms hugging them to him. He was watching me with large, frightened eyes. The cold tap in the bathroom sink was squeaky when I turned it. Funny how such a small thing suddenly seemed so large. I bent to suck in mouthfuls of cool, clean water and rinse the acid from my mouth. I used my finger to rub a blob of toothpaste round my teeth. I jumped as I straightened up. Eddie had got up and was stood behind me, watching me in the mirror, and just for a moment I was afraid.

"It's freezing in here. You should get dressed." I told his reflection.

"Do you want me to go?" I could hear his heart breaking in every word.

"You need to get dressed. We both do." I needed a drink, a large one.

"Shall I clean up?"

I shook my head. Could he clean his past up while he was at it? "Just get dressed." I put my hand over my mouth, not trusting myself to say anymore. I waited a few moments after he had left, pulled the dressing gown from the hook on the door and then followed him to the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched him dress. Did I want him to go? I didn't know. Now he had opened the can there were other worms I had to know about. I picked my jeans up from the floor and slid them on. I felt used and dirty and I just wanted to scrub myself under a hot shower but that would have to wait. Eddie was standing there, waiting. I found my bra and blouse and turned my back to him as I put them on. It was strange but I didn't want to be exposed in front of him. When I was decent I turned and went down to the kitchen. I was in the process of making a very large GnT when Eddie joined me.

"What now?" he asked. "Say something."

For the second time that day we sat at the kitchen table to talk. I took a big gulp of the bitter sweet liquid. No words came. I gazed at his profile. Did I love him? Yes. Was it unconditional? Possibly. Did I trust him? Good question. Did I still trust him after this? Better question. Was he worth it? The real question.

"What are you thinking?" Under happier circumstances I would have ribbed him mercilessly for asking a woman's question like that.

"I was wondering if you are worth it."

"And?"

" I think, yes."

Eddie let out a loud exhalation of relief and smiled briefly. "OK!" he nodded.

"Oh, you are not off the hook yet! Not by a long way!" I hadn't meant that to sound quite so menacing.

He looked suitably cowed again. 6'2" of brawny man quaking in the face of my fury, not an edifying experience.

"That was a really, really shitty thing to do to me. Why?"

"Last week proved to me that I can't escape what I was and what I did; I know that sooner or later you are going to find out. I thought that at least you could hear it from me and not some bitch like Lucy Ryan. I am so scared of losing you. We are so good together. You make me so happy and I think I make you happy too."

"So you thought you'd break my heart whilst you were fucking me?" The storm was gathering pace.

"Not fucking, making love." Eddie replied in a small voice.

My chair scraped on the floor as I rose and leaned over. Love?! Love?! Do you even know what love is?! I was about to hiss at him. Then part of me answered 'yes, he does, and he knows what heartache is too.' I sank back without saying anything. Venom and anger were still circling, looking for a way out.

Eddie knew the wrath that was about to break over his head and he stood his ground. I had to give him credit for that even as I wanted to smash his gorgeous face in.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Dangerously calm now.

A shake of his head.

"If you only have Good Girls in Missionary Position in the dark then just exactly what sort of whore do you think I am after the ways you've had me?" Anger falling, hurt rising.

"I don't think you are any sort of whore. I know different now." His spoke quietly but with complete conviction.

I looked at him sceptically.

"I was just a naive boy when I thought that. Hardly more than a kid. I am a lot older now, I've seen a lot more of the world since then."

"You've certainly had a lot more women!" Uncalled for perhaps but true.

I could tell that he was trying to decide if he should go on and I was suddenly sorry for what I had said. Watching him struggle touched something in my soul and I put a hand over his. He smiled shyly and I squeezed his hand. The storm was receding as quickly as it had come.

He seemed to have made his mind up. "I loved Angie and she had left me because I was boring. I love you, if I don't ensure the sex is adventurous and exciting, you might leave me too."

"Oh!" There was a kind of flawed logic to his reasoning. A thought occurred to me that chilled me to the bone.

"Oh God Eddie. I never wanted you to do anything you didn't enjoy!" If I had thought I was beyond any further distress, I was mistaken. Suddenly, bold and uninhibited lovemaking had become seedy and abusive exploitation.

Eddie gave a little laugh and he reached for my other hand so he could hold both of them tightly. "No, my love, believe me, I want everything we do."

OK, that was one of the things I needed to know sorted.

"You said you wanted babies. I can't give you any. You know that. I've been honest with you about that from the beginning."

"I want to make you pregnant more than anything else in the world because I know what it would mean to you. As long as you love me I would rather be childless with you than have a whole bunch of kids with anyone else. Do you want to try IVF with me?"

I shook my head. "I'm too old to go through all that again. I have made my peace with the fact I will never be a mother."

For a moment I thought Eddie might cry again.

"Are there any more women apart from those you have already told me about?"

Eddie shrugged. That meant there were.

"You've already ripped my heart out and trampled over it. You may as well tell me all of it."

"After I got clean and got my act together there were a few brief relationships. Nothing serious, I didn't love any of them but I was a decent boyfriend to them. I treated them nicely and respectfully. I was always faithful. When it was over I tried to let them down kindly. Did my best never to hurt anyone again. Still friends with most of them."

"Tasha?"

"Yes."

"Lucy?"

"Bloody Hell, no!" He looked genuinely affronted. I had to laugh. His expression melted into contented happiness. "I love it when you laugh. I was so scared I would never hear it again."

I pulled a hand free and took another swig of my drink.

"Do you still want me?" He was all seriousness now.

"Yes, very much."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, not ever."

"Am I forgiven?"

Now my turn to be deadly serious. "For what you did in your past, yes. For what you did today, it is harder but I think so. But understand this, if you ever try to manipulate me like that again it is over between us. You lost a lot of trust today. You have done some damage."

"I expected to have work to do to keep you."

With my adrenalin levels dropping I was suddenly very tired. "I think I'll go for a shower. I smell of sick and sex."

"I love it when you smell of sex. Not so keen on the smell of sick though."

He ducked as I swiped at him with the tea towel.

"Can I come with you?"

"No. I don't want to be naked in front of you right now. Besides, I have a lot to think about."

"OK." He looked disappointed but not surprised.

I dragged my weary bod up the stairs. As I stripped I gazed longingly at the bed. I thought I'd just have 5 minutes then a shower. I was asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

# Chapter Twenty-Two

Things were getting better between me and Eddie. He still hadn't gone back to his place but I didn't mind anymore because he was a lot more relaxed. We hadn't made love all week; he'd tested the water once, nuzzling up to me, but when I'd made it clear that it wasn't happening he was content just to cuddle. Friday night he was going out on a 'do to warm up for the stag do' evening for one of the lads from the lifeguards so I treated myself to a night in front of the telly in my fleecy pyjamas, watching my favorite DVD with the rest of the Bombay Sapphire and a family sized bar of Wholenut. Ah bliss! I would make it up to him tomorrow I promised myself. I thought that the shower cuffs might even put in another appearance.

About half past eleven, OD'd on chocolate and slightly squiffy, I went to bed. I wasn't sure if Eddie was coming back to mine or going to his; I suspected he would be next to me when I woke up because he'd asked my permission to come in during the night if he wanted. He was the designated driver. They could have taken a taxi but Eddie rarely drank anyway so was happy to drive. I supposed it was because of his lost years but the only times I remembered seeing anything alcoholic pass Eddie's lips were the cider that first time in the orchard and an occasional bottle of Becks. Anyway, I didn't have to worry about him so I was soon fast asleep.

I hadn't heard him come home but as I had guessed, Eddie was fast asleep beside me when morning came. I watched him for a while. Dark stubble looked good on him. Hmmmm, Eddie smooth and polished or Eddie rough and ready? What a delicious dilemma! Something suddenly struck me as different. He was still wearing his t-shirt and he always slept naked. Must have been late when he got in! Under the covers I gently ran my hand up his thigh. No trousers. A little higher. No trolleys. He started to stir and his eyes flickered open.

"Morning Gorgeous. Good time last night?"

Eddie smiled sleepily, "Hmmm."

I reached a little further round. Yup, definitely morning! He shifted slightly and put his arm out so I could snuggle up to him. He was so warm. Perhaps a morning quickie was on the cards? I put my head on his chest and was puzzled as he tensed. I half sat, propped up on my elbow and regarded him. Not only was he wearing a t but there appeared to be some sort of padding underneath it on the left side of his chest.

"Hurt yourself?"

He looked smug. "No."

I spread my hands to gesture 'well?'

He sat up and pulled the shirt off. The padding was certainly a dressing of some sort. He started picking at the adhesive tape gingerly. After a while he sighed and just ripped it off. He bent over and swore under his breath whilst his eyes watered. When he could sit back up again I saw it. Freshly tattooed on his chest over his heart was my name. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What the Hell was Marilyn going to say?

"At least they spelt it right," was all I could think of to say. I put my hand over my mouth to stop anything else stupid coming out.

Eddie looked completely unrepentant. In fact he looked positively pleased with himself.

I knew I was expected to say something but I was mesmerised by the shaved patch that rose and fell as he breathed.

"Do you like?"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to ask how could he deface that perfect pec.

"Why?" Seemed like a kinder question.

"Because I'm yours," he said, like it was obvious.

"You're not my possession."

"I am."

"What if we split up?"

"Then I will still be yours even if you don't want me anymore."

"I'm serious, Ed. How would a future girlfriend feel, seeing someone else's name on your chest?"

He shook his head and laughed as if I still didn't understand.

I loved his chest. I loved running my fingers through the soft, dark hair. I loved kissing it and stroking it.

"Well, I'm not going to be kissing or stroking that bit until it has healed." I must have said it out loud because Eddie laughed again. I looked at him; sleepy, sexy, happy.

"I am NOT getting one!"

"OK."

"Damn you, why do you have to be so intensely desirable?"

"Intensely desirable?" he repeated.

"Oh yes!" that was completely heartfelt and I was going to prove it to him.

"If you are going to ravish me just go easy around..." he indicated his new ink. "It's a little tender."

So I did.

# Chapter Twenty-Three

Early March was cold and grey even in beautiful North Devon. Life was settling into a routine of work and happy home life. Working days tended to be longer for Eddie now there was more daylight but still he was often home before me. One of us would cook, or in Eddie's case reheat, we'd both do a few household chores then we'd chat and watch TV before going to bed. Most nights we made love. It was usually a vanilla quickie but it kept Eddie reassured and happy so that he didn't feel the need to push boundaries all the time.

.

On Tuesday, my last patient of the day was an elderly lady, a real character, with various medical problems including a dodgy hip that was awaiting replacement. After her consultation, I decided to carry her improbably large handbag out to reception for her. Bloody hell, no wonder she needed a new hip! Did she have house bricks in there? Her husband got up and followed us as we walked through the waiting room. Marilyn made her another appointment in a month and we watched them leave. Marilyn was asking if Eddie and I wanted to come over for Sunday lunch this week. I said I'd check but I'd love to even if Eddie was away. She started chatting about Eddie having too many weekends away with his surfing buddies. I looked at the carpet. I knew it was grey but I'd never noticed it was a bit sparkly before. There were little silver flashes in the grey. It seemed to be getting sparklier. And what was with that buzzing? I looked up at Marilyn, wondering why she didn't seem to hear it. She was sparkling too, and turning yellow. The buzzing was getting louder. Marilyn looked concerned. Everything went yellow and the buzzing became deafening. In the distance I heard my name.

I woke up on the floor in recovery position with James and Stuart fussing over me. I managed to sit up but still felt whoosy. With one of them holding me under each arm, they got me up and into the kitchen. Seated at the kitchen table I rested my head on my arms whilst I came round. Marilyn pushed a cup of tea and a chocolate digestive in front of me.

"There you go love, that should sort you out."

"Did you have lunch?" A concerned Stuart asked.

I nodded.

James put a hand on my forehead."Well, your colour is coming back and you don't seem to have a temperature."

Marilyn put a hand on my shoulder. "Probably just one of those things. I used to faint a lot."

"Yes, but, as I recall you were pregnant with Eddie at the time." Stuart remembered.

"Seems like yesterday."

"Shall I run you home?" Offered James.

"Oh I've already called my Eddie, He's on his way."

James crouched down next to me." You come in a little earlier tomorrow. Say, half seven. You've been looking peaky lately so let's gets some bloods and stuff done."

I had to smile as I recalled how James liked to run tests on Eddie. It was getting to be a hobby. Or maybe a fetish?

"Hello?" It was Eddie's voice at reception.

"In the kitchen!" His mum called back.

He walked through and hugged me. "How are you, my love?"

"Just tired." I was suddenly weary to the bone. "Take me home please."

"Bag?"

"In my room."

"I'll get it," volunteered Marilyn.

I was a bit steadier when I stood up this time but Eddie still held me all the way out to his pickup. The cold, damp air felt so good on my face. I got in and put the seat belt on.

"Don't forget, half seven tomorrow!" James called.

Eddie threw the bag his mum had fetched into the footwell and closed the door. Three concerned faces watched us drive off.

Eddie took me back to his. No steps to negotiate at the front or stairs inside. By the time we got inside I was feeling completely normal again, if slightly embarrassed about fainting.

"You want some dinner?"

I shook my head and smiled at him.

"You're kidding?"

I shook my head and raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you were poorly!"

"Nothing a little Eddie loving wouldn't cure."

"Whatever the doctor orders!"

Hmmm, in that case, the doctor orders it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week!

We put our arms around each other and were just getting down to some serious snogging when his phone went. We looked at it and Eddie sighed. "Ignore it?" He suggested.

"Better not." I tried not to let my disappointment show as I let him go.

He grabbed the handset.

"Hello?...Hi James....Yes, she's fine...No, just about to start cooking (but not dinner)... Sure...That would be great." He turned away from the phone, "James is going to come over. What sort of takeaway do you fancy?"

"Anything. Fish and chips, maybe? The Dolphin is close and good." Aw chips! I hadn't realised I was hungry and just the thought of chips was making me drool. Potatoes and hot oil, separately kinda yucky; together magical.

"Yeah James, fish and chips... excellent...See you in fifteen then...Bye."

He put the phone down. "Right then! Fifteen minutes of kissing and cuddling!" He pinned me against the kitchen sink and we had just locked lips when my phone went.

"Bloody Hell!" He swore, "Who now?"

I knew who it was from the ring tone. Aled. I fished it from my bag and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hiya Gracie. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you. You?"

"Yeah, great. Look, I need to talk to you."

"Urm, now is not a great time." Eddie was watching me like a hawk.

"Oh, right, sorry. I didn't really want to do it over the phone. I was thinking about coming down this weekend."

All sorts of alarm bells went off. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! First, what could he possibly need to talk about that was important enough for him to travel hundreds of miles? Second, how would Eddie react to my ex-husband turning up? I guessed not well.

"Must be important."

"Yes and no. Just loose ends to tie up. Better done face to face, you know. You could come up here if you liked."

"No, I couldn't. Nowhere to stay, remember?" I wasn't staying in the same house as that bitch even if it was still my house. Eddie had twigged who it was and looked unhappy about it. He was pointing at the phone with his eyebrows raised. Aled, I mouthed and his face set like stone.

"Are you free this weekend?"

"I'm not sure. Can I ring you back later? We were just about to have dinner."

"We? Oh, okay. Mustn't let it get cold. Ring me after. Speak to you later. Bye."

"Bye." I rang off and put the phone on the counter.

"What did he want?" Eddie put the emphasis on 'he' like it was something unpleasant.

"Not sure. Said we had a few things to sort. Hopefully, he is moving out of the house and we can sell it."

"Not before time. You ringing him back tonight?"

Here goes! "Actually, he wanted to come down this weekend."

"You what!" Yup, I knew he wasn't going to be happy. "And where the Hell does he think he's staying? Not with you! Not under my roof." He was doing the Langsett finger wag he had learnt from Marilyn and almost shouting.

"He didn't say. I'm going to have to talk to him about the house at some point. Would you rather I went up there to see him?"

"Over my dead body." I could see a cold rage building in him.

James would be here soon, I had to calm him down.

"Look Eddie, it's not a big deal."

A warning look told me it was a big deal to him.

"I'm sure it can be sorted over the phone or through the solicitors. I'd just hoped that we could keep it amicable and not rack up huge legal bills. The more money I have to pay out to be free of him, the less money there is for a new life down here with you."

I must have been striking the right tone. He could see the logic even if he didn't like it. Better press the advantage.

"I just want the last tie broken. I want to be with you without being held back."

"Does he know about me?" Eddie asked. I knew how I answered this was going to be very important.

"I don't know. Probably. I haven't spoken to him since October. But Janie bumps into him every now and again. I'm sure she won't have missed an opportunity to tell him I've moved on."

His expression was still cross. What had I said? Hmm, October. Shit. I had started sort of seeing Eddie at the end of September.

"You spoke to your ex in October and you didn't tell me? Or mention me to him?"

"I may have done. I don't remember. We weren't serious then."

"I have always been serious!"

Oh shit, can't I say anything right? "Look Eddie, he is not important enough for us to fall out about. Aled is my past in the same way Angie is yours. I have no feelings for him anymore. I love you. Please! I don't want to fight. I'll do it through my solicitor. Please, don't be like this." I was tired and hungry and I just wanted to be on his good side.

He was wavering. In the end he reached a decision. "You ring him back tonight. You sort it out and you tell him about me." Easy going Eddie didn't often lay the law down but when he did a smart person listened.

"Okay." If he'd been expecting me to put up a fight he was wrong. "All I want is for us to be good and go back to kissing." That made him smile and the crisis was over. We cuddled and I held on to him like my life depended on it.

"You need to tell him you are mine now," He told the top of my head. "He can't have you back." His voice was soft and loving; I tried to snuggle even tighter against him as I nodded.

"He doesn't want me and I certainly don't want him. You are my everything and you should know that by now."

"I know. It's just I can't help remembering what you said on our first date, at the Hanged Man."

"Third date." I corrected him and he laughed.

"You said that you would have taken him back even after he'd been unfaithful. I was so jealous that you could love him that much. Would you take me back if I...?"

"No!"

He looked shocked then hurt.

"I could tolerate his infidelity because it didn't hurt me so much. I am so in love with you that if you...God, Eddie, I can't even bring myself to say it...if you did, it would kill me. I love you so much more, I'm not sure I could forgive it."

For once I had said the right thing and was rewarded with a hot, steamy kiss that temporarily made me forget about chips and houses. We were interrupted again but by the doorbell this time. James! Chips! We almost came to blows trying to get to the door first.

.

James went at ten. Was it too late to ring Aled? I got my phone and sat next Eddie. I scrolled contacts to Aled's number. House or mobile? Probably mobile. I didn't want to speak to her. Moved on or not, she had deliberately gone after a married man and I was always going to have issues with that. I tapped his mobile number and waited. I was surprised when it was answered almost immediately. Must have been sitting on the damned thing.

"Grace! Thanks for ringing back. Are you good to talk now? Not still eating?"

At ten o'clock? We both knew he was asking if I was alone. "No, I'm all yours."

Eddie shot me a dirty glance.

"What was on your mind?" I continued.

"You know I was moving out?"

Oh yes, here we go! "Well, that was part of the divorce agreement. You could stay and I would pay the mortgage but just whilst you found somewhere else. It has been four months since I last heard from you. You have been looking, haven't you?"

"Yes, but how do you feel about selling the house to me?"

"You can't afford it, remember, that's why I'm saddled with the payments. I seem to recall being told that supporting your family was your priority and that babies were very expensive." Yes, I remember you rubbing my nose in it very clearly! Eddie was watching with interest.

"Er, yeah, I might not have a family to support." It was quietly spoken. I knew Aled as well as I knew myself and I recognised that this was the issue, the reason for the call.

"What's happened?"

"She's not mine."

"Oh God, Aled! I'm so sorry!" and I was. How could the baby not be his? "How...? When...?"

"At Christmas some guy turned up, shouting the odds outside the house." I bet the neighbours loved that! "Said Izzy was his child. Em denied it but it sowed the seeds."

I closed my eyes. "So what makes you sure she isn't yours?"

"Paternity test."

I didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry." I repeated. It sounded inadequate.

"Well, you know. Took a while for the results and I've been thinking about things; what I want; where I go from here."

"And?" Typical Aled, everything revolved around what he wanted.

"If I scrimp and save I might be able to scrape the mortgage payments together."

And if I let you have it for less than market value! I hated to admit it but I had no idea where he was going with this. Surely he knew, after the way he'd financially screwed me, that he wouldn't get a penny off the house?

"Why would you do that? Just get somewhere smaller, more suitable." For a single guy.

"This house is all I have left of you. Ten years together. I've been so stupid."

"Are you drunk?" My tone was sharp and I caught Eddie smirking.

"No!" Very indignant. "You weren't just my wife, you were my best friend. I know you won't have me back as a husband but can't we be friends still?"

"We will always be friends." I wasn't exactly lying. Ed scowled.

"Can I see you? Are you free this weekend?"

OK, time to nip this in the bud. "No specific plans but I usually spend the weekends with Eddie." A nod and a smile from my man.

"Eddie? Is he a boyfriend?" He sounded taken aback. That was slightly insulting. Either he had thought I was just sitting in Devon still breaking my heart over him or he thought no one else would be interested in me. Possibly both. I felt like saying I had traded up but I bit my tongue.

"Yes, Eddie is my boyfriend." More smiles from the man next to me on the sofa.

"How long have you been seeing him?"

"Since September. I met him my first week down here."

"Oh. Is it ..."

"Serious? Yes, I rather think it is." Thumbs up from the man!

"Oh. Well. I'm pleased for you."

"Thank you." You did, didn't you? You really thought that since your fucking girlfriend dumped you, you could come crawling to me and I'd take you back!

The line was quiet for a moment.

"Well, why don't you get two or three valuations on the house and then we'll talk some more?"

"Er, yeah. Good idea."

"Aled?"

"Yes?"

"I'm really am sorry about Izzy," It was the first time I had been able to say the baby's name. "You must be devastated. I know what she meant to you. I'm so sorry. I wish it could be different for you."

"Thank you. No one understands me like you do."

I understand you only too well, my dear.

"Take care of yourself, Sweetheart. Get those valuations." I made it clear that this was the end of the call.

"Oh, yes. OK."

"Bye."

"Bye. Grace?"

"What?"

"I never stopped loving you, you know that, don't you?"

"Bye, Aled."

"Bye."

I ended the call and exhaled loudly.

"All not well with your ex?" Eddie inquired.

"Turns out the baby isn't his."

"Bummer." Ed made it obvious he couldn't care less.

"Come on, have a heart! How would you feel in his situation?"

"He brought it on himself. I would never have cheated on you in the first place. I wouldn't have got some tart pregnant and I wouldn't have let you get away!"

"Turns out he didn't get her pregnant."

"You know what I mean!"

"Well, it turned out for the best. If he hadn't strayed I would never have met you."

Sensing he had been outmaneuvered he just scowled. Then he looked thoughtful.

"Gracie?"

"Yes?" I said cautiously.

"If the baby isn't his, how do you know that it wasn't his fault you couldn't have kids?"

"All his tests were normal."

"Weren't yours?"

"As far as they went. I always assumed it was some sort of immune problem."

A big, wolfish grin appeared from nowhere. "Race you to the bedroom?"

"Give me a head start?"

"Not a chance!" He was off! "Last one naked does the washing up for the rest of the week!"

He'd reached the bedroom door before I'd stopped laughing enough to get off the sofa. "No fair!" I complained as I trotted after him.

.

I was at the surgery for seven thirty. Eddie dropped me off seconds before James arrived. I waited next to the front door whilst he parked up. He ushered me inside and down to his room. There was a tray on his desk that he had obviously set up the night before. He took my blood pressure, pulse, listened to my chest and took several vials of blood. Height and weight (Yeuch!) were recorded. Finally, he produce a bag bearing the logo of the local chemist from his brief case. From the bag, he pulled out a pregnancy test.

"You're not serious?" I scoffed.

"I certainly bloody am. Do you have any idea of the strange looks I got buying that?"

I conceded that gay doctor buying pregnancy test would have confused people. He wasn't taking 'no' for an answer so I trudged up to the loo to pee on a stick for the first time in a long time. I collected a sample pot from reception on my way. I decided that was probably easier than using the stick directly.

So, having filled my little pot, I sat on the loo whilst I held the stick in it and counted to ten. Stick out, lid on, empty pot into loo, flush! Put stick on side, throw pot away, wash hands. Dry hands, dispose of stick. The routine brought back distressing memories. As I threw it in the bin something caught my eye. Fortunately, I hadn't put the lid down and was able to retrieve it.

James heard my screams from his room and came running. He crashed into the washroom.

"Grace?!"

I brandished the stick at him and, unable to find any words, I screamed some more. Eventually he managed to stop me from jumping around long enough to pry the test from my hand. He looked at the test window and then at me. Next thing, we were both jumping up and down and laughing.

Bloody Hell! I was actually pregnant!

I started crying. I was pregnant! This was my miracle. Eddie's miracle. Our miracle. I came back to earth with a bump.

"What's Eddie going to say?"

"Are you kidding?" James was still laughing. "He is going to be ecstatic, thrilled, made up! Oh Grace! Whoo hoo!" He whooped.

I was crying and laughing at the same time. Finally we mostly calmed down and I binned the test. We walked out of the toilets arm in arm and still giggling just as Lucy walked through the front door. The look on her face! Priceless! I could tell exactly what she thought we had been up to and she was flabbergasted. We said good morning like we did this every morning and went into the kitchen.

"Fancy a cuppa?" I asked sweetly as we passed.

# Chapter Twenty-Four

The morning passed in a blur. As I came down off my cloud I began to worry. Practical things like it being early days and I could miscarry yet; emotional things like what if Eddie wasn't as pleased as I thought he would be. I checked the appointment book. James was between patients. I sent him an instant.

'It's pretty safe to say you'd like kids when you know your girlfriend can't have them. Really wanting kids is something else again.'

I got one back immediately.

'Worrywart! He has never wanted anything as much!'

There were a few moments and another message.

'Stop worrying! Stress not good for baby!'

.

Just as I was about to get my last patient before lunch in, there was a knock on my door and Stuart stuck his head round.

"Grace, do you have plans for lunch?"

I shook my head.

"Good. I could do with a word. I'll send someone for sandwiches and we'll eat whilst we talk in my room."

He disappeared again.

Oh shit. I was going to get a telling off for something!

When my last patient had gone Roisin sent me an instant telling me that lunch was at the desk so I strolled out to reception. I'd just got my sandwich when Stuart walked up. Taking his sandwich in one hand and my elbow in the other, he steered me to room one. I could feel Lucy's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. Now she thinks I'm tupping both of them, I cringed.

"Have a seat."

I took the patients' seat and Stuart sat at his desk.

He unwrapped his chicken salad on brown and opened his crisps. I was still clutching mine to me like a cheesy salady shield.

"How are you?"

"Sorry?" I must have looked confused.

"You know. After the Golf Club thing. Are you okay?"

"Yes, thanks. I'm fine." What was this leading up to? Had James said anything to him?

"And Eddie? Is he alright?"

I nodded mutely.

"Good. Good. I thought at the time Eddie was going to put Parker in hospital. Things still going well between you and Edward? You are squashing your sandwich, dear."

"Er yes. We're very happy." I realised he was right about my lunch. My hands were clenched so tightly on it my fingers had torn the paper bag and grated cheese was escaping on to my lap. Carefully, I put it down.

"So you'll probably be wanting to stay in the area more than another six months?"

"I would have said definitely."

"Good. Good." He took a bite of his sandwich. As he chewed he looked at my sandwich and then at me. Nervously, I picked a bit of cheese off my lap and ate that.

He swallowed. "Not hungry?"

"No, just terrified." Oh balls! I'd said that aloud.

He chuckled. "Its not a bad talk. At least, I don't think it is." Stuart put his sandwich down. "Jo's not coming back. She rang me yesterday and she doesn't want to leave her little one. In fact, they are already trying for another."

"Oh! Good for her."

"So that means that her post will be available permanently, if you want it."

"I'm pregnant." It was all I could think of to say.

His turn to say, "Oh!" He thought for a moment. "I thought you couldn't...."

"So did I."

"How far along?"

"Not far."

"When did you find out?"

"This morning."

"Oh." Now he was even more surprised. "That would explain the fainting yesterday. Does Eddie know?'

"No."

Suddenly he looked horrified."It is his, isn't it?"

"Of course! How could you ask that?"

"Thank God for that. You know if it was someone else's Eddie would kill him?"

"There has not been anyone else. I am not like that."

"Because he could do it, you know. I love him like he was my own son but he has always had a temper..."

"It's his!"

"Good. Good." He picked up his lunch and took another bite. He chewed thoughtfully. "So, what are your plans?"

"I don't have any yet."

"Are you going to give up work?"

"Can't afford to. Don't want to.'

"Good... well, good you don't want to and I think you'd find Eddie would be only too happy to support you if you did. Would you be interested in staying on here?"

"I would love to!" I would snatch his ruddy hand off!

"I've been wanting to cut back for a while and James has made me an offer for the practice." He began. "How do you feel about carrying on full time until you go on maternity leave? I could then get someone permanent for Jo's list and when you were ready to come back we could job share? Fifty/fifty? Sixty/forty?"

"Oh Bloody Hell, Stuart! That would be fantastic! Ooops, sorry. Didn't mean to swear."

He just laughed. He took another bite of chicken salad. When he'd finished he looked at me. "You know he will insist on getting married? He's an old fashioned boy at heart."

I nodded.

"Well, think about what I've said and we'll talk again. Tomorrow?"

"Yes."

I floated back to my room clutching my sandwich like a flotation device and leaving a trail of grated cheddar. I had a lot to think about. I knew I wanted to stay, I knew I wanted this baby. Everything else, even Eddie, was negotiable.

.

The morning was typical of early spring; bright but cold and rainy. In my car the music was loud, the shades were on and I was buzzing. Today was going to be a good day! Scratch that. Today was going to be a great day! I had made my decision. I parked in my allotted space and I swear to God I practically skipped to the front door. I threw it open and bounced in.

"Morning!"

Marilyn and Lucy must both have been early today because they were already in place. A further sign of a good day.

"Well, someone is happy this morning." M greeted me.

"Uh," was all I got from Lucy. Oh, piss off, you miserable bitch, I thought brightly. You ain't going to rain on my parade today.

"Is Stuart in yet?" Be happy, it will really irritate her.

"In his room. He's in a good mood too. I'll have a pint of whatever you two have been having." She managed.

I smiled sweetly and thought, 'it'll take more than a pint, love.'

After dropping my bag under my desk in CR3, I knocked on the door of room 1. "Are you alright to talk, Stuart?"

"Yes, yes. Come in." He was seated at his desk.

Lucy was right, he did seem to be in a good mood. "Have you come to a decision about my offer?"

I sank on to the patient's chair and nodded.

"I should very much like to accept your kind offer of a permanent position within the practice." There, formally accepted.

Stuart gave me a big, warm smile. "I am very pleased to hear it. And I suspect someone else will be too."

"I haven't told him yet. About either development. I am staying regardless."

If possible he looked even happier.

"Well?" he said in the way people do when they don't know what else to say. He picked up the 6 month extension contact I had signed only weeks before. "I don't suppose we'll be needing this anymore. I'll have Pete draw up a new one and let the powers that be know." Stuart held his hand out to shake mine.

I floated back to my room and settled down to minister to the sick and the weary that I had booked in with me that day. I even managed to call the Thai restaurant in Overcombe at break time and get a table booked for me and Eddie. A quiet, romantic meal and I could tell him both my bits of news.

.

Just before lunchtime I had a small cancellation and I felt I deserved a coffee. Stopping at reception on the way I inquired "Anyone fancy a brew?" Ooooooh, what's happened? I may be socially tone deaf but even I was aware of the atmosphere. Lucy looked like the cat that got the cream, she was practically purring. Marilyn was staring steadfastly at her screen with a face like thunder.

"Tea please." Lucy oozed sweetly.

"Marilyn?"

"No thank you," she snapped and did not look up.

"Okaaaaaay then." I trundled off to the kitchen.

When I brought the drinks through Lucy gave me a huge smile as I placed hers on the desk. Marilyn sat in stony silence, eyes down.

"Is everything alright, Marilyn?"

"Yes."Abrupt past the point of rude.

"Oh. Ok. I was wondering if you had a minute." I gestured to my room. "I have something to tell you."

When she looked up the anger in her eyes almost made me take a step back. " I already know!"

"You do?"

"Yes!"

"Oh! I thought you'd be pleased." What was going on?

"Pleased?!" She rose in her seat. "Pleased?!" She was really going to let me have it when a patient walked in. She sank back down and resumed staring at the screen until Lucy had dealt with him and he had gone into the waiting room. I knew he was my next patient but I had to know why Marilyn was so angry.

"We need to talk. My room, now please."

Stiffly, She got up and literally stomped off to CR3. I followed and closed the door behind us.

"Have a seat."

"No, thank you, Doctor. I'd rather not."

Bloody Hell! I was in danger of getting frost bite.

"You seem rather cross about the new arrangement. I thought you'd be pleased."

I watched as she clenched her fists and drew herself up to her full height, such as it was. "Why on earth would I be pleased?" That hurt me. " How could you do this to my poor Eddie?" That baffled me.

"To be honest, I thought he'd be pleased too."

She glared at me like I was stupid and I started to wonder if she might have a point.

"He loves you!" she hissed and tears started to spill. "He worships the ground you walk on, you bitch, and you didn't have the decency to tell him you are going."

"Going?"

"This will kill him." She sank on to a chair with her head in her hands. "He loves you and he thought you loved him. I have never seen him as happy as he's been these last months."

It's difficult to know what to say when it becomes clear you have no idea what is going on.

"Is this because of Parker? That wasn't Eddie's fault, not really. All that other stuff, it's in the past. Oh God, Grace, please don't leave my Eddie."

"I am NOT leaving Eddie!" I may have been slightly confused about many things but not that.

Marilyn looked at me like she didn't quite understand so I knelt next to the distraught receptionist and took her hands. I thought she might snatch them away but the rage had gone leaving only a mother's breaking heart. "I'm so in love with Eddie I can't imagine living without him. I'm not leaving him. Why would you even think that?"

She squeezed my hands in return and looked like she wanted to believe me but wasn't sure.

"Seriously. Why would you think that? If you already know about me being here permanently why would you think I was breaking up with Ed?"

"Permanently? But Stuart gave Lucy your contract to shred?"

"The six month contract, yes; we don't need it now." The penny belatedly dropped. "Jo has decided not to come back at all so Stuart has offered me a permanent position and I've accepted. He gave Lucy the short contract to shred because I'll be signing a new staff one."

"Oh!" Marilyn was still looking worried. "So your not leaving at the end of the month?"

"No!"

"Oh." Worried and guilty.

"What?" Sinking feeling!

"It's just after Stuart handed the papers over for shredding Eddie came in. He wanted to have lunch with you. When Lucy took them out of the envelope and realised what they were, she made a big thing out of you not staying on after all." Marilyn was starting to panic. "Eddie took off like a scalded cat! He thinks you're dumping him."

I grabbed my bag from under the desk and frantically rummaged for my phone. I dialed Eddie. "Pick up, pick up, pick up......"

The phone rang and then cut off. "Oh no. Please answer!" I dialed again but this time it went straight to answerphone. "Eddie, I love you. There has been a huge misunderstanding. I'm not going. Please babe, call me straight back. I love you." I was starting to panic as well.

"I have to see my next patient. Go to reception and keep trying. If you can't get hold of him try anyone you can think of who might know where he is."

I have never seen anyone move so fast.

My next patient came and went and so did the next two. After each one I sent an instant to Marilyn:-

Have you found him?

and each time I got the reply:-

Not yet.

The door opened without a knock. James looked ashen. "Does he know? About...you know, and the job."

"Not yet. I was going to take him out for dinner tonight."

"Go and find him. We will manage."

"But..." I began.

He cut me off. "NOW! Before he does something stupid. If he hasn't already!" He slammed the door behind him. James' reaction frightened me even more.

I grabbed my bag and ran to reception. Marilyn was crying and frantically punching the phone buttons.

"No luck?"

She shook her head.

"Who have you tried?" I already had my keys out of my bag.

She reeled off a list of friends. I was aware that Lucy was missing and there was shouting coming from the kitchen but that could wait.

"Where do you think he's gone?"

Eddie's mum shrugged forlornly.

"I'll start at the his place and then try the beach. Ring me if you get hold of him!"

As I ran through the rain for the car my phone rang. The caller ID flashed up as Big Mick.

"Mick!"

"Doc. Get down to the Esplanade car park. Now. Please. It's Eddie." The normally unflappable Aussie sounded seriously rattled.

"On my way. Ring the practice and let his mum know."

Call ended, phone and bag discarded onto the passenger seat, I drove it like I stole it to the beach.

.

At the far end of the car park I saw Eddie's pick up parked and a small crowd. When I say parked, it was more sort of abandoned across several spaces and the drivers door swung open letting the rain in. Eddie would be really pissed about that. Eddie! I couldn't see him but there was no mistaking Mick, head and shoulders above the others gathering there. I parked and dashed over. As I reached him I could see a figure, soaked to the skin, staggering about, barely able to stand. Oh God, Eddie! I grabbed Mick's wrist to get his attention. He looked relieved to see me.

"Get rid of them!" I jerked my head at the people rubbernecking.

"Alright you lot, clear off! Show's over!" He started shooing them down the car park.

Eddie turned towards the noise and spotted me.

"Eddie." I reached out to him but he staggered away from me. The hurt and anger on his face was like a knife through my heart.

"Still here are you?" He slurred belligerently.

"Ed, you got it wrong. It isn't what you think!"

"What I think? What I think?" He laughed unpleasantly and span unsteadily. "WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THAT YOU LOVED ME!" He bellowed, arms outstretched, at the sky. He bent double and I thought he was going to collapse but he started laughing again. "How could I be so fucking stupid?!" Quieter now, full of regret.

Oh God, that's not just alcohol talking. What the Hell has he taken?

"I do love you, Eddie, I do."

He shook his head, muttering to himself, "So fucking stupid, so fucking stupid."

"Eddie baby, I love you but you need to tell me what you have taken!" I said, trying to sound more in control than I was.

"What do you care?" he said in abject misery. "You're leaving me."

"No! No, I'm not. I will never leave you, I..." was cut short.

"YOU LYING BITCH! I WATCHED LUCY TEAR UP YOUR CONTRACT! I SAW IT! YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU'RE LEAVING ME!" The rage and venom in his voice frightened me. This was an Eddie I hadn't seen before, dangerous and out of control. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed one or two of the departing onlookers slowing and showing renewed interest. Eddie closed his eyes and his face was a portrait of pain. He staggered, tripped over his own feet and landed in a heap on the grass banking. I ran to him and knelt beside him but he curled up with his back to me.

"Eddie?" I put my hand on his arm. He was shaking and cold. I reached around him and tried to turn him towards me. "Eddie, I am not leaving you! I never will, but I have to know what you have taken."

"You're leaving and you weren't even going to tell me. I had to hear it from Lucy Ryan. I wish I was dead."

"I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" I shouted at him. I was scared and cold and wet. Mostly, I was scared. That seemed to get through to him and he struggled to sit up. He looked lost and afraid. Still kneeling, I put my arms around him and pulled him in to me. He rested his head on my chest and closed his eyes. "I love you," he whispered plaintively.

"I love you too. I promise you baby, I'm not going anywhere without you."

He looked up at me, with eyes like a beaten puppy, and pulled back the soaked shirt that was sticking to him to show me where my name was tattooed on his chest over his heart. I bent my head down to gently kiss his lips. "I can't lose you, my love. I need to know what you have taken. Please tell me you haven't taken anything stupid."

He looked at me, not quite understanding.

"Paracetamol, Eddie? Have you taken paracetamol?"

He shook his head and I felt a wave of relief.

"What have you taken?"

He pulled his left sleeve up to reveal a single, red puncture mark inside his elbow. I felt tears coming and pulled him back in to me. "Oh please no, my baby. Not that." I was going to have to watch him like a hawk and make sure he didn't have transport for days. Stupid, stupid fucker! With my arms around him we rocked gently back and forth and Eddie clung to me like his life depended on it.

I jumped at Mick's voice. "Better get him in the truck, he's gonna get hypothermia out here."

I pulled myself together and got to my feet. I turned to help Eddie but Mick just hoisted him up and over his shoulder like a rag doll. The big guy deposited Eddie in the passenger seat and then walked me round to the driver's side. As I climbed in he took hold of my arm. "Are you okay to drive?" I don't think I'd ever seen him be serious about anything before. He looked as shaken as I felt.

"I will be in a minute." I managed a half smile.

He made a phone sign. "If you're not, yeah?"

"Yes."

Mick closed the door and waved.

Eddie was shivering in the passenger seat. I didn't know if it was the drugs or the cold.

After a few moments I felt calmer. He'd left the keys in the ignition so I fired her up and put the heater on. The windows started to mist up.

"Did you take anything else?"

"Not sure. Some JD maybe." He was such a mess and it was my fault. At least he hadn't OD'd.

"Oh Eddie! I am taking you to hospital."

"No!" The speed at which he grabbed my hand made me jump. "Not hospital. No."

I didn't know what to say so I sat holding his hand whilst the cab warmed up.

"I'm sorry. I'm such a fuck up. No wonder you don't want me." His head lolled forwards; he looked broken.

I leant over and kissed him; long, slow and deep. Yup, Jack Daniels! "Eddie Langsett, don't you ever say that. Don't you ever even think it. I want you so much." I whispered.

Something flickered in his eyes. "I'll do anything you want if you stay. I promise. Anything. " He opened his shirt again and ran his finger tips over my name. "I'm yours. Says so here. I don't care how you use me or what you do to me or even if you don't really love me. Just let me have part of you." I put my fingers to his lips so he couldn't go on.

"I love you. I really love you but you have to make me a promise."

"Anything."

"Promise me you will never, NEVER take drugs again. You can't do this ever again."

He swallowed and nodded.

"All this could have been avoided if you had stopped to think 'hang on this can't be right, Grace loves me, I'd better ask her what's going on'. Yeah?"

He nodded and tried to smile.

"I am completely and utterly besotted with you, you know that, don't you?"

Eddie smiled.

"And I can't resist that smile."

Eddie's smile grew wider. How could anyone look so good and so trashed at the same time?

"Shall I take you home?"

"Is that an offer?"

"I don't think you would be up to it even if it were?"

"Try me."

My turn to smile. "It isn't all about marathon shags or dirty, nasty, kinky, amazing sex." I paused to consider that statement. Focus! "Sometimes it's just about being with someone, feeling the warmth of their skin pressed against yours, listening to them breathe, inhaling that soft, warm , incredible man scent. I would rather just hold hands with you than do all manner of erotic contortions with anybody else. You are all I want and you are enough for me."

Eddie was looking a bit brighter. We kissed again. He was such a good kisser. There was other stuff I wanted to tell him, if only I dared. I should wait; he was high and drunk after all.

I sat back and looked at him. He laughed and played his trump card: the goofy grin. Oh shit.

We sat there in the steamed up cab of the pick up, staring at each other, not sure what to say. Eddie lent his head back against the door pillar. I'd learnt to recognise that expression now and what it really meant. The first time I met him he'd done that: head back, eyes assessing, expression intense and slightly arrogant. I had thought he was looking down his nose at me then. Now I knew he was calculating his chances of a leg over. Without taking his eyes from mine he pulled his shirt open to his waist. Man, I loved that chest! I wondered if I could get away with having him right there in the car park. My eyes snapped wide open. "Oh fuck!" I yelled.

"What's wrong?"

"Marilyn! She's probably convinced herself that even now we are pulling your cold and lifeless corpse from the sea. Got to let her know you are okay." I paused. "The drink and drugs bit she probably doesn't need to know about."

I threw the door open and skipped through the puddles to the Clio to retrieve my phone. Several missed calls, all from the practice. As I climbed back into the pick up I pressed 'return call' and passed it to Eddie.

"Hi Mum, it's me." He was still slurring and sounded sick and weary. I could hear the squawking and yelling at the other end of the phone from the other side of the truck!

"No, no, I'm fine. " More shouting.

"No, Mum. Yes...No... Yes... OK, put him on. Hi James."

Yelling in a deeper voice.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Genuine contrition. "Yeah...No...A little..." I couldn't hear James anymore but Eddie continued, "Yeah...Yeah...and some sour mash and some pot." The shouting resumed. And some pot? I mouthed. I raised an eyebrow at Eddie but he ignored it. "I'm sorry.... I know. I'm sorry...Yes, I have apologised to her too... No, she hasn't dumped me for being a stupid bastard... OK, pass me back...No, really Mum, I'm fine." Higher pitched shouting again. " Well, obviously not fine but...a bit fragile...Yes, Mum, very ashamed of myself... no, but I know she's not going...and that too...Mum! ...I have to go now...yes, I love you too." He ended the call before she had a chance to say anything else.

"Are you sure I can't persuade you to go to hospital?"

"Is there a blow job in it?"

"No!"

"Take me home then."

# Chapter Twenty-Five

At least the Clio was parked neatly. That's me, even when thinking I might be losing the love of my life, I still always park entirely within the allotted space. I got my handbag and locked the car. I went back to the truck and it occurred to me that this was the first time I was going to drive it. Eddie was sat curled over in the passenger seat with his head in his hands. He looked awful. I knew I should be extremely cross with him but I couldn't find it in my heart. I helped him on with his seat belt.

"Thank you." He mumbled and then put his head back in his hands.

I drove to the entrance at the other end of the car park and slowed to a stop as Big Mick appeared. I wound the window down.

"How's he doing?"

"He'll live. Here." I passed him my car keys. "You have a licence don't you?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want to leave it here over night. You take it home and run it for a day or two. Tank's almost full."

"Am I insured?"

"Any driver over 25."

"Cool. Take care of him."

"I intend to. See you later."

I drove very steadily back to Eddie's. I parked outside and ran round to help him out. The passenger door was already open but he was struggling with the seat belt. I helped him with that and as soon as he was free he threw his arms round me and started crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He was still mumbling. "You're really staying, aren't you? You're not leaving me? Please don't leave me. I'm sorry."

We stood, well, I stood, he sat, half in half out of the car in the rain for about five minutes whilst I reassured him. I tried to explain about my new permanent post. I wasn't sure how much was sinking in but he calmed down and I managed to get him inside. We were both soaked and frozen. I helped him through to the bathroom and sat him on the loo whilst I set the shower going. He could shower and get warmed up first, I'd have a brew. I trotted through to his room and found clean clothes which I took back to the bathroom. The bathroom was warming up nicely so I helped Eddie to his feet and undressed him. He tried ineffectually to help. He got into the shower but wouldn't let go of me and I ended standing fully clothed in the shower with him. We stood holding each other for a few minutes. Suddenly he went drip white. I just made it out of the shower before he vomited. And vomited. And vomited. Oh Dear Lord! How can so much sick come out of just one person! Since he'd been drinking it was probably better in the long run for him to bring up any alcohol still left in his stomach but I was getting a bit concerned about him tearing his oesophagus. Finally he stopped and I reached in to get the shower head off its bracket. I'd hosed most of it off him and the cubicle when the doorbell went. I gave the shower to Eddie, who was now sat in the corner of the tray, and ran to the front door. It was James. Thank God! He looked at me and all he said was, "Your mascara is running."

I think it was just relief; that Eddie was okay, that James was here; but I started laughing and struggled to stop. I waved him in and pointed to the bathroom. I trotted back and he followed. Eddie was where I had left him, eyes closed, still holding the shower head. James stared at him and shook his head.

"I never thought we'd go through this again." He sounded so tired.

I looked at the heartbroken man in the shower and the heartbroken one outside it.

"Has he been sick?"

I nodded. "Oh yes! I've hosed him off but he could do with some soap."

James looked me up and down again. "That explains the wet look. Any blood?"

"No, it was fairly copious but no red."

"Shit!" He swore. "Whiskey and pot."

There must have been something in my expression.

"You are fucking kidding me!"

He reached into the shower and wrenched Eddie's left arm out. "You stupid fucker!" I'd never seen James this angry, even after we caught Eddie with Sophie. I thought for a moment he was going to strike him and I put a hand out. He threw the arm down in disgust.

"You are a stupid piece of crap, Eddie Langsett! Stop being so selfish and man up! You have responsibilities! How did you get yourself into this state in less than two hours?"

He turned to me, still angry, and I braced myself for his wrath. I think I actually shrank back slightly. He sighed and the anger seemed to go out of him.

"Does he know?"

I shook my head.

Quieter, calmer now. "He doesn't deserve you. You know that, don't you?"

"Don't say that. Shout at me if you want but don't say that. It's not true and it hurts more than all the shouting in the world."

He blinked and stepped forward to give me a hug before he remembered I was dripping wet and smelt faintly of puke. He stopped himself. "Sorry. I've been so scared I've felt sick all afternoon; and now I'm just so relieved he's okay and so angry that he would put us through this. You have to take care of yourself. Eddie can't be your number one priority any more." It was weird having this conversation in front of Eddie like he wasn't even there.

I knew I was going to cry if he carried on like this. "I need to wash him off. Why don't you make a drink and then I'll make us something to eat?"

For the first time since he arrived James smiled. "Sure."

Once he had gone I looked at my self. No point worrying about a bit more water so I stepped back into the shower and got Eddie to his feet. He leant against me whilst I rubbed shower gel all over him and then rinsed him off. This was a first; being in the shower with the priapic Edward Langsett and not having sex. I stripped and threw my wet clothes into the bath, I'd deal with them later. Clumsily and unsteadily, Eddie began rubbing against me and trying to fondle me. I slapped the back of his head hard and switched the shower off. He stopped trying to misbehave and allowed me to get him out of the shower and wrapped in warm towels straight form the airing cupboard. I got a bath sheet for me and then steered him to the bedroom where he lay on the bed and went to sleep; curled up on the bed like the big kid he was. I went back to the bathroom and put on the clothes I had got out for Eddie. They were a bit big and I had to roll the trousers up but they were warm and very comfortable.

James was stood at the counter with his sleeves rolled up. "Stir fry okay?" He asked.

"Wow! You didn't have to but thanks." He'd already chopped a pile of veg and the rice was boiling away. I stood next to him and put a hand on his arm. "Thank you." He knew I didn't mean about the stir fry.

"Should I take him to hospital? He doesn't want to go but do you think he should?"

James shook his head. "I don't think he's taken too much. I think it was more of a cry for help." He shook his head crossly again.

"Oh crap! The restaurant!"

I'd dropped my bag at the door on the way in so I retrieved my phone. I rang and apologised profusely.

James gave me a look that said what else can go wrong? He'd found some prawns in the freezer and a jar of sweet and sour sauce in the cupboard and was quite pleased with himself.

We talked quietly as we ate. We were both a bit shocked and subdued by the day's events. The dinner was tasty and I was so incredibly grateful he was there. About halfway through there was a noise from the bedroom. It was somewhere between a shout and a scream, "Grace!" I dropped my fork and was running for the bedroom door.

"Grace?" It was a heart rending sound.

I flew into the room to find Eddie sat up and sobbing like a child. I leapt on to the bed and held him tight.

"I thought you'd gone." He slurred and stuttered. Eddie lifted his head, frightened and teary eyes pleaded with me. "I thought you'd left me. You won't, will you? Please say you won't."

My hand guided his head back to my chest and I kissed his hair. "It's alright, Eddie, I'm not going anywhere. I've got you."

He was clinging to me like his life depended on it.

James coughed from the door.

Eddie opened his eyes, "James?"

"You able to eat anything?"

"Not sure. I'm sorry. I fucked up."

James' frosty anger melted visibly. "You can't do this again. Not ever. I can't go through what I went through when you came back from the army. Not again." He was more sad than cross. I wondered if he had ever been in love with Eddie. I remembered what he had said about kissing Ed.

"I'm sorry. I really am." Eddie paused, momentarily distracted. "You're wearing my sweatshirt."

That made me smile.

"I like it on you. Please don't leave me."

"I'll go and finish my dinner." James tactfully went back to the kitchen.

I sat back and looked at Eddie. He was still high for now but he was going to be feeling very sorry for himself very soon.

"Eddie, I am staying. Stuart has offered me a permanent place at the practice. That contract you saw Lucy shred, that was the temporary one. I don't need that now I'm staying permanently. There will be a new contract to sign very soon. I swear I'm not leaving you."

"I've been bloody stupid, haven't I?"

"A bit daft, yes."

"I love you." He sounded so contrite.

"I love you too. Get some sleep. I'm going to finish my tea. I'll just be in the kitchen."

"Will you come back and hold me afterwards?"

"Yes, try to rest."

Back in the kitchen James had finished and was getting ready to leave.

"Don't go."

"I have to and you need time alone with Ed. He needs to know if he ever pulls any shit like this again you will be out the door so fast. So do I."

"I was going to tell him both my bits of news tonight, at the restaurant. I was going to ask him to marry me."

"Is that what you want?"

"Oh yes!"

"Is it what you still want? After seeing him like this?"

"Yes."

James smiled. "I meant it. That," he pointed to my tummy, "has to be your priority now. Make sure he understands that."

"I will. I love you, James Quayle. Give me a hug."

"Keep an eye on him, Grace. Make sure he doesn't get hold of any more."

His words chilled me to the bone.

When I took him to the door and watched him drive off there was a strange and unsettling feeling of regret.

Back in the kitchen I couldn't face any more food so I tidied up and then went to check on Eddie. He was lying still and the towels had slipped off him. I drank him in with my eyes. He was so gorgeous and I was filled with longing.

"Grace?" He made me jump, I hadn't realised he was awake.

"It's alright. I'm here." I walked over to the bed and lay down next to him.

"Do you still love me?"

How could I not? "Yes, more than anything."

We kissed and he fell asleep holding me like he was never going to let go.

.

Morning arrived with indecent haste and Eddie was being punished for his misdemeanors.

"Are you going to be alright if I go to work?"

He nodded ever so slightly as if afraid his head would fall off.

"I'll take the pickup. Mick has my car and you shouldn't be driving for a day or two anyway."

A barely perceptible nod. Boy, he must be feeling bad if he was prepared to let me have his beloved vehicle without a fight.

I went back to Wayside for a shower and some fresh clothes before heading off to work.

.

At work, James was waiting for me at the door. He looked tense. Even though I'd phoned him from Wayside to tell him Eddie was alright this morning, he was bound to be worried.

"Hey James. How are you?"

"Fine. The question is how are you?"

"He's doing okay. A little delicate today but he'll be back at work tomorrow."

"No. How are YOU? Come on, my room." He took my arm and almost marched me to CR2. Once the door was firmly closed behind us he relaxed a bit. I hadn't seen any other cars in the car park and I didn't think anyone else was in the building but your consulting room is like your home territory; you feel safe there.

"Have you told him?"

"No. It didn't seem like the place or time."

"Okay. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Do you have plans for lunch?"

I resisted the temptation to joke about him thinking about my lunch arrangements. "I was probably going to pop home and check on Eddie but I haven't mentioned it to him. Why?"

"At the risk of sounding a bit cliched, we need to talk."

"Urm, alright, what did you have in mind?"

"Sit down." He pointed to his chair rather than the patient's. He perched on the edge of the desk. "Firstly, let me say, I stand by my original opinion that Eddie is going to so happy about the baby you have nothing to worry about. That being said, if he's not, I think you should marry me."

I could have sworn he said..... "Pardon?"

"A child needs a stable home and it would be easier to raise a child together than on your own."

"What about Raj? I don't understand." I really didn't.

James took a big sigh and checked his watch. "OK. Raj is never going to give up his career for me. He wants to be a cutting edge consultant in a prestigious city hospital, some backwoods department wouldn't do. I am not going to follow him to Bristol much less around the country. We are never going to have the 24/7 relationship I want. I want a proper home, to belong somewhere, a family. I love you. Alright, perhaps not in a man woman sort of way, but I do. If Eddie should decide family life isn't for him I will be there for you. I don't think it will come to that. Eddie will be thrilled. But just so you don't have to worry. I can care for you, provide for you, give you everything a husband should."

"Except sex." I was mortified.

Bless him, James blushed. "I mean it Grace. We are a great team. Imagine how much love, between us, we could give a child."

"How do you think Eddie would feel about his child calling his best friend 'daddy'?"

"I think he'd kill me. Seriously, he'd kill me with his bare hands. Because he loves you and he will want this. What I am talking about is the million to one chance I'm wrong and he doesn't. You need to know that you have options. That if you don't like Eddie's terms you are not on your own."

"Eddie's terms?"

"Look, I'm rushing this so we can get done before anyone else arrives. I thought about it all last night. What I mean is, say Eddie decided he wanted to be a dad but not a husband. You don't have to settle for that. If you want the full commitment and reassurance of a marriage, you can have it."

"Bloody Hell, James. I'm speechless."

"Well, it's something for you to think about it. I know it's a lot to spring on you. I know it won't come to it. Eddie loves you, he will be ecstatic about the baby. It's just so that whilst you are waiting for the right time to tell him you don't have to worry."

I must have been gaping because he put his hand under my chin and closed my mouth.

"If you have questions I will be around at lunchtime. Fancy a brew?"

I managed to nod. He held out his hand and helped me up. He put an arm around me and we walked up to reception. Marilyn had just arrived and was taking her coat off. She registered James' arm around me with confusion. She knew there could be nothing in it but still felt uncomfortable seeing a man with his arm around her Eddie's girlfriend. "Morning you two. Thought you might be taking today off to be with my Eddie." A little edge to it.

"He's sleeping it off. He was happy for me to come to work and leave him to it. Besides, I feel like everyone is always covering for me. I feel badly about putting on James and Stuart and creating extra work for you." I noticed that James still had his arm rather defiantly around me. It sank in that he had meant what he said and was prepared to upset people he loved to care for me and my child. I could feel tears welling up so I excused myself and went into the loo to cry. Marilyn walked in and found me sobbing in the cubicle.

"Grace, love, what's wrong?" Immediately she leapt to the wrong conclusion. "I'm sorry,sweetie, I should have known that you wanted to be at home with my Eddie. That was tactless of me. I know you don't want to burden anyone and you can't be in two places at once. He'll be fine. I'll go and see him this afternoon."

.

It was a long Friday. Thankfully Lucy wasn't in. It occurred to me that I had never found out what the shouting in the kitchen had been about. At lunch I asked Roisin and she hooted. Stuart had been so cross with Lucy for stirring up trouble he'd told her that she had to shape up or ship out. I felt a twinge of conscience, may be he shouldn't have given the contract to her to shred in the first place. That lasted about a nanosecond. Lucy had taken a couple of days off 'to consider her position'. I speculated that her position should be face down with a paper bag over her head. Roisin's tea nearly came back down her nose. On his way past to do his home visits, James stopped and gave my hand a squeeze. I knew Roisin saw it. I wasn't going to be able to keep it a secret from her for long.

Friday afternoon dragged on and on. Finally it was time to go home. When I got back to Eddie's he was up and about, and apparently none the worse for his bender. He sent out for pizza and we ate in front of the telly.

"Early night tonight, my lover."

"Um? Why?"

"I have a day planned for us tomorrow."

"Oh yeah? Tell me more!"

"It's a secret."

I knew better than to press him. He was enjoying his surprise plan far too much. It was good to see him like this. I could have lost him.

We watched TV until the pizza had settled and then he took my hand and we went to bed. He used the bathroom first so by the time I was ready for bed he was already toasty warm under the covers. He held the sheets back for me to join him and I looked at my name over his heart. It had healed nicely and the hair had almost grown back. I wondered if he would get a tattoo of our baby's name? Don't jump the gun, girl. Don't get too excited until you get out of the first three months. I kissed him. Ummm, soft, minty kisses. He smelt of soap and man; a scent that comforted and excited in equal measure. Kisses worked their way down my throat and to my boobs. I'd never really understood that particular male preoccupation but I certainly appreciated it. Eddie's hungry mouth found a nipple. I was sure it was more sensitive than normal. God willing, there would soon be another hungry little mouth there. Eddie stopped and looked at me.

"What?" He asked.

"Sorry?"

"What? You have this strange expression. What are you thinking?"

I stroked his face. "I was just thinking how much I love you."

He beamed and moved back up to kiss me. He pushed his tongue in to my mouth to find mine. Circling it, teasing me. When he started to work his way down again I whispered, "Gently tonight Eddie. Please. Very gently."

He cocked his head. "You feeling fragile?"

I smiled at him. "A little, yes."

"Gentle it is then!"

He started paying attention to my boobs again. Softly working them with his hands, playing with my nipples with his thumbs and his mouth. Oh, that felt good.

"Your boobs feel different," he observed.

"What do you mean?"

"Dunno. Firmer, rounder." It suddenly occurred to him he could get into a lot of trouble here so he stopped talking and went back to worshipping.

After a while the hungry mouth moved further south; across my belly making my tummy muscles twitch and jump. Further south he went until he settled on my most intimate place. I felt him carefully part me and then a warm, wet tongue tip touched my clit. I gasped and jumped, banging my head on the wooden head board. "Ow!"

Eddie stopped to laugh and I ended up laughing too.

"Okay. No jumping this time." He put his mouth to me again. Fingers gently holding me wide whilst his tongue flicked and his lips sucked at me. So soft, so warm, so gentle. I was ooh'ing and aah'ing with pleasure. He broke to say quietly, "Hold me to you," before he went back again. I did as he asked. I took his head in my hands and held him to me. He found a rhythm now. He licked from the entrance to my pussy up and along to my clit and finished with a quick tongue lashing on my little button. Then it was back to my entrance. On and on as I sighed and writhed with joy. Slowly building tension coiled like a spring. My orgasm caught me by surprise. It was quick and sharp and from seemingly out of the blue. I had to quickly move his head away. Any stimulation now was like razor blades. He climbed up me and I knew he was going to penetrate me and take me missionary style.

"No baby, spoons please. I can't take you too deep tonight."

"Whatever my lover desires." And he meant it.

I rolled on to my side in fetal position and he cuddled up behind me. Slowly he pushed his big, hard cock inside me. In this position he could only get about half his length in but it was more than enough. He started thrusting slowly.

"Is that okay, baby?" I asked him.

"Oh, that is more than okay. It's amazing. The head of my cock, it just feels so much. For you, my lover?

Is it good for you?'

"Wonderful, Eddie. Just so perfect."

He buried his face in my hair and, with his arms around me, just concentrated on making love. He began to move faster. Still just a few inches, in and out, pummeling the entrance to my pussy. Faster still, thrusting hard but shallow. As he approached his own orgasm he was thrusting frantically and grunting with every thrust. A long, soft moan heralded its arrival and he shuddered and twitched. He stayed cuddled up even as his erection faded and he slipped out of me. "Did I do good tonight?"

"Oh yes. You did very good!"

# Chapter Twenty-Six

Saturday morning arrived in its own sweet time. No alarm this morning, just watery sunlight and birds shouting at each other. Did I feel sick this morning? No, I didn't. Bonus. Eddie was missing but I could hear him humming to himself in the kitchen. He was in a good mood, what did he have planned? I dressed and headed into the kitchen. Eddie was stood at the counter buttering toast. His hair was starting to curl at the ends like it always did when it was ready for a cut. I think I preferred it like that. It was more boyish and touchable.

"Morning. You slept well." He said without turning round.

"Hmm. I did. The joys of having a good man, I suppose."

"I could be a very, very bad man if you'd rather." He offered.

I walked over so I could put a hand on his bum and kiss the back of his neck. "I'll take you anyway I can get you, my love."

He snorted and passed me a piece of toast. I checked the kettle but Eddie coughed and nodded at the table. It was set for two and there was a big cafetiere freshly made in the middle. Ah! I thought. Oh! I thought. I was going to have to start limiting my caffeine intake. Still, one or two cups would be okay.

"Scrambled alright?"

"Hey, anything I don't have to cook myself is good."

He put the pan on the hob and I sat at the table. It still looked new. I'd known I was being stupid but I couldn't bring myself to sit at the old one after the Sophie incident. I'd been surprised but relieved when I had got home one night to find Eddie had turned it into firewood and bought a new one. I watched him scrape scrambled egg out of the pan. Safe to say, Eddie was not a natural in the kitchen. He could do enough not to starve but that was it. It made it all the more touching when he did stuff like this. He plonked a plate in front of me and suddenly I felt like I hadn't eaten in years. I scoffed it, bits of shell and all, in double time and then started looking longingly at his plate. He looked at me in amazement; I'd never finished eating first before. He gestured to his plate and raised an eyebrow.

"Oooh please!"

He pushed a portion of his onto my plate and I shoveled that down too.

"Wow. Guess you were hungry."

I felt so content all I could do was sit there and smile. "So babe, what are we doing today?"

"Ah!" His turn to smile. "I have something to show you. Get your shoes on."

When we both had shoes and jackets we left. I stopped by the pickup but Eddie shook his head and pulled me off down the track. Down into the village and across the green we went. Out of the other side then we started to walk up the far side of the valley. Eddie pulled me off the road and on to a...well,track was too grand a word for it. It was a gap in the hedgerow where the undergrowth was a little flattened.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see!"

About one hundred feet from the road was a flatish area where plants had been cleared and there were pegs pushed in the ground. It was a bit of rough ground as far as I could tell. Not understanding what it was I was looking at I turned to Ed and waited.

"It's a building plot." He explained. "They are like rocking horse pooh round here."

"You're building a house?"

He nodded and had the biggest grin. "I'm building us a house."

I looked at him, dumbstruck.

Next thing I knew, he was on his knees and holding out a ring. "Will you marry me, Grace? Please? Say yes!"

For a moment I thought I was going to faint again. Tell him; tell him now. "I need to tell you something first."

Eddie looked nervous.

"This house," I continued. "It's going to need a nursery."

"A nursery?" He squinted and then his eyes went wide as the penny dropped.

"I'm pregnant."

"We're having a baby?" He seemed to be struggling to breathe.

"It's early days yet. I'm trying not to count my chickens but yes."

He was gasping and laughing. "I told you! In the car, on my birthday. Didn't I tell you we'd made a baby? Will you marry me? You have to now."

"Yes. Please get up."

He staggered to his feet and swung me round. He stood there not knowing what to say or whether to laugh or cry. He looked like a little boy with a whole sweetie shop to himself. He took my hand and pushed the ring on to my finger. He still didn't know what to say so he hugged me tightly and I could feel his shoulders shake as he began to cry.

"I hope those are tears of joy!"

His body shook even more as he started to laugh at the same time. He pulled back slightly as if he was going to say something and then just hugged me again. It took about five minutes for him to pull himself together.

"Early days? How far along is early days? My birthday was eight weeks ago. Have you had a period since then?"

"I don't remember. I don't know. I'll need to arrange a dating scan."

"How long have you known?"

"James made me do a test the morning after I fainted. We did a shop bought test because we both knew it would be negative. We were just dotting i's and crossing t's. You know how James is for being thorough."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I was waiting for the right moment. I wanted it to be special, not blurted out whilst you were off your head on drink and drugs."

"Sorry. I was so...I wasn't thinking."

"It's done. Just promise me it will never happen again. I'm going to need you more than ever now and, if this goes to term, so will your baby."

"You keep saying if."

"A lot of women miscarry in the first three months. We can't take anything for granted yet"

"I'm going to be a father!" He sounded awestruck. "I can't wait to tell..."

"NO!" I interrupted. "No! We don't tell anyone until I get past twelve weeks. You promise me that. You promise!"

"I promise." He held his hands up in surrender, a little taken aback by my outburst.

Calmer now, "If anything goes wrong, if I lose the baby, I will be devastated. I don't want people asking about it or pitying me if...if I miscarry."

"It's okay. I'll wait." He reassured me but he looked like he was going to pop and I really didn't think he'd be able to. "Can I just tell Mum?"

Why don't we take out an ad in the local paper instead? "Try to wait as long as you can."

"I'm going to be a husband and a father. I'm getting married and having a baby. We have to get married before the baby is born." He was deadly serious. "My child will not be born the wrong side of the blanket."

Wow, who'd have thought he was so old fashioned!

"Okay. Okay." He started pacing. "God! So much to plan! We'll have to get the house finished before junior makes an appearance."

"Eddie, calm down! We can sort things out. What plans did you have for today?"

He stopped pacing. "Well, after I'd proposed, assuming you accepted, we were going for a romantic walk. Then romantic lunch at The Man. Then a romantic trip to the builders' merchant to look at stuff."

I laughed and kissed him. "And what were we going to do if I didn't accept?"

"We were going for a romantic walk then a romantic lunch and then we were going home and I was going to romantically shag you until you gave in and said yes."

"Ooooh, builders' merchants or sex? Hmmm? Can I change my mind and not accept your proposal until tonight?"

More laughing, more kissing.

"The mother of my child can have whatever she wants!"

"Seriously, Eddie, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let me get to twelve weeks before we get too giddy."

"Okay. What about sex?"

"Oh, I thought you'd never ask."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I meant. Is it okay to do it? Is it just hand jobs for the next nine months?"

My turn to snort."It's fine! If it isn't meant to be then it just isn't. Sex isn't going to hurt a healthy pregnancy. Apparently, it gets even better."

"You know, today is the best day of my life."

"Me too." I studied him carefully. Funny how things work out. Six months ago Eddie was living his life as he had for years. Small, tightly knit circle of friends; he'd resigned himself to his single life, no real prospect of any change. Six months ago I had made my peace with the idea of no kids and never wanted another relationship ever again. Six months ago we had no idea of each other's existence. Now we were stood on a building plot in the late March sunshine and we were going to be a family. Two worlds had collided and turned upside down. I couldn't really remember living anywhere else or being with anyone else. That was stuff that had happened to a different person.

"Wow. A walk now just seems so... like an anticlimax. I feel I should..."

"Shout it from the rooftops?" I finished for him.

"Yeah."

"Let's go home. We'll still go out for lunch but right now I just want to be with you." He knew what I meant.

"It'll be okay, won't it? I won't hurt the baby?" For someone so experienced and worldly, it was a strangely innocent thing to say.

"No, you won't. It will be fine."

"Come on then." Grabbing my hand we set off back to the cottage. We walked slowly, no hurry, each with our own thoughts. I looked at the ring on my finger. A ruby; blood and tears. I thought it was beautiful. It could have been the ring pull off a can of pop and because it was from Eddie I would still have thought it beautiful. Eddie, my husband, my baby's daddy. Mrs Grace Langsett. Bloody Hell!

# Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sunday arrived with rain and wind. We were having Sunday lunch with Marilyn today and I knew Eddie was never going to get through it without blabbing. I lay in bed listening to him potter about in the kitchen. It wasn't long before he appeared, stark naked, with toast and tea. He put them on the cabinet and climbed back into bed.

"Morning, the future Mrs Langsett. Sorry, Doctor Langsett." He liked saying that. "How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

He nodded. "You still up for lunch with Mum?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

"You're not feeling sick or anything?"

"No, not at all."

He kissed me and a calloused hand cupped my boob. "Definitely bigger."

"Fuck off!"

He just laughed and passed me a piece of toast.

.

At lunchtime we went round to his mum's. To my surprise, James was there. He gave me an extra big hug and a wink to Eddie who was grinning like an idiot. Marilyn's eyes narrowed; she knew something was up and it was driving her crazy. Sooner or later, probably sooner, she was going to ask. We sat in the lounge chatting until the oven buzzer could be heard. Marilyn got up.

"Need a hand?" I offered.

"Yes, please, my dear."

I dutifully followed her into the kitchen.

"Could you drain the veg, please?"

I did that and put it in one of the waiting dishes.

She covered the meat to rest and started making gravy. She kept glancing at me and I knew she'd clocked the ring. It wouldn't be long.

Sure enough, "What's going on with you and James? You seem very huggy all of a sudden."

"Just wait here a moment."

She looked confused as I left the kitchen.

I stuck my head round the lounge door.

"Ed?" I interrupted.

They both looked at me.

"I believe you have something to tell your mother?"

"Really?" He was thrilled that I'd relented about not telling her.

"Come on!" I walked back into the kitchen.

Marilyn was stood there with her oven gloves on, not really sure of what was happening. As Eddie walked in behind me I announced,

"Marilyn, Eddie has something to tell you."

He actually looked bashful! With a shy smile he said, "Mum, we're getting married."

"Oh Eddie, love." And she got him in a big bear hug, oven gloves and all! When she finally let him go she turned to hug me but something in my expression stopped her.

"And the rest of it." I instructed.

She turned back to Eddie.

"Shouldn't you be the one to tell her?"

She turned back to me expectantly.

"She's your mum."

Back to Eddie.

"Thought you might want to."

Back to me.

"Just tell her, Eddie!"

"Well, for goodness sake, somebody tell me!" She cried in exasperation.

"Grace is pregnant. I'm going to be a father."

It was actually funny, watching her reaction. She stood with her oven gloved hands up in the air like it was a hold up. She was looking from one to the other and clearly could not decide who she should hug first. Turning first one way and then the other, mouth opening and closing but no words coming out, she was stunned. "How?" was all she managed.

Eddie snorted and got a cuff round the head for it.

"I didn't mean how did she get pregnant!" She scolded. Turning to me, "I meant 'how' as in I thought you couldn't."

I shrugged. "So did I. My and Eddie's miracle I guess. We are trying not to get too excited yet. It's only early days. We are not saying anything to anyone else until we get past the first trimester." That was directed at Eddie as much as his mum.

Marilyn resolved the who-to-hug-first dilemma but getting an oven glove around each of us. When she let us go she was crying.

"This is just so fantastic! Oh Eddie, love. Oh Grace. I'm so thrilled for you both."

She rounded on James. "And you! You knew, didn't you?"

"I made her do the test." He offered by way of apology. She gave him a big hug too.

"I thought when you fainted, you know. I thought 'she's expecting' and then I remembered that you couldn't be."

"Well, it would appear I am. We don't have any dates yet but you will know as soon as I do."

"You'd better get married soon. I don't want my grandchild being born the wrong side of the blanket!" The Marilyn finger was wagging double time.

Eddie smirked and shrugged as if to say 'I'm my mother's child, what did you expect?'

We dished up lunch and the talk at the table was all of babies and weddings. I was fairly quiet. I had dealt with enough miscarriages when I was at the hospital so I wouldn't allow myself to get carried away just yet.

Afterwards the boys went back to the lounge and I stayed to help Marilyn tidy up. Once the pots were to the sink we decided she would wash and I would dry.

"You were quiet at lunch," she observed. "This is what you want, isn't it?"

"Yes, very much." I didn't know what else to say.

"It's not just because of the baby, you know. He wanted to marry you anyway."

"I know. He proposed first, before he knew. I wasn't going to say anything until I'd had chance to let it sink in myself. I thought I ought to tell him before I could say yes. Just in case it changed anything."

"It will only have made him more determined to get wed. He loves you, he really does."

"And I love him. I really do." I echoed her words. "I was going to ask him, you know. I was going to propose to him on Thursday night, before the wheels came off. I'd booked a table somewhere romantic and I was going to tell him about the job offer and the baby and then I was going to tell him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and ask him to marry me." I wasn't sure why I was telling her this.

"It's my fault too. I should have known you'd never leave him like that. We were just all so shocked when Lucy pulled this paper out to shred and it was your contract. I know Eddie has told you about his past now and I thought it was just too much for you to accept. He wasn't a very nice person for a while."

She either had a happy knack for massive understatement or she didn't know the full story of just how much of a bastard he'd been. I suspected a bit of both.

"If you could have seen him." She continued. "He'd just popped in to see if he could take you for lunch later. He was really happy and content. Then She pulled that paper out. I swear my Eddie's heart went through the shredder with it. Sorry."

I probably looked as devastated as I felt. We washed and dried in silence after that.

After we'd tidied up we went into the lounge and talked some more. It had just started to go dark when Eddie announced we should be going.

"Could I have a word first? In the kitchen?" It wasn't really a request, more of an order.

Eddie got up and followed her out.

James made a face and giggled. "Oh, he is going to get what for now! She will tear him a new one over Thursday's stunt."

I was concerned. Ed looked fine but was probably still a little delicate. "Should I go and rescue him?"

"Hell, no!"

After a few minutes a chastened Eddie returned still smiling so I guessed there had been a fair amount of hugging and congratulating too. I drove us home; I wasn't going to let him behind the wheel until at least tomorrow.

We hadn't been back long when Eddie's phone rang. It was Mick wanting to know if they were working tomorrow and if he should bring my car back before I went to work. Eddie invited him round for breakfast, I usually left about eight o'clock, and then they'd do some not too physically demanding work at the building plot. They started talking sea and surf so I went into the bedroom to ring Janie on my phone. It had been about two weeks and I had an awful lot to tell her. When I had spilled it all she remarked on how it sounded so unlike the happy, self confident guy she had met at New Year.

"Just watch yourself, Grace. He seemed like a really lovely, genuine man when I met him but he has issues and you need to worry about you and your baby first. If he loves you he'll get his act together; if not you cut him loose, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Auntie Janie." I teased. Everyone needs a friend like Janie. Someone blunt who cares enough to tell you the truth even when they know you may not want to hear it. Not for the first time I thanked my stars for her. The conversation then drifted to more everyday stuff, fights at school, the cost of school uniforms, the dreadful cake her eldest had made at school and then insisted that everyone at home ate a piece of. Just as we were winding down ready to say our goodbyes, Janie said, "I bumped into Aled at the supermarket again last week. He's lost more weight. He said that the bitch's sprog wasn't his." Janie! She couldn't bring herself to say his girlfriend's name, Emily, or the baby's name either.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you about that. He was wanting to come down to talk about me selling him the house."

What with everything else it had completely slipped my mind.

"He said he was hoping to see you but I get the impression he thinks he can win you back. He knows he's been an arsehole but I think he still loves you. It is almost enough to make me feel sorry for him."

"Steady! I might think you'd forgiven him!" I had to laugh.

"He's always been a good looking bloke, Grace. He just looked broken. And thin. I don't think he's taking care of himself properly. He used to make you so happy; before all this fertility treatment crap. I'm worried about him. His family are giving him a load of grief about wrecking his marriage for some tart and a baby that wasn't even his. I'm just giving you a heads up on how bad things are right now."

"Okay, thanks. He can have my sympathy but he still won't get a penny off the price of the house."

Janie's turn to laugh. "Too bloody right! After the pay off he got he's no right to expect anything else from you."

That had been something else we'd not exactly argued about, let's say heatedly discussed. As far as Janie was concerned he was the guilty party and shouldn't have got a bean. I couldn't get her to see that between the effects of the hormones I was taking and the stress of the repeated failure to conceive, I probably wasn't much fun to live with and more or less drove him to it.

"I'll ring him soon."

"Don't rush. Look after yourself first. When things have settled a bit, then ring him."

We said our goodbyes.

Eddie was stood at the door. I didn't know how long he'd been there.

"Ring who" He asked quietly.

"Aled, about the house. You remember?"

To my surprise, Eddie nodded. "Yeah, sooner it's sorted the better. If you don't think you can sort it over the phone perhaps we can go up together one weekend. Make a sort of mini break out of it. We could see Janie and Paul too." I was impressed!

"Come here. Please?"

"Why?" He was smiling.

I shrugged. "I have a drop dead gorgeous guy in my bedroom; we are all alone; and he wants to know why I want him next to me? What does a girl have to do to get some loving around here?"

He chuckled and walked over. His shirt was off before he reached the bed; the rest of his clothes shortly after.

.

The next week flew by. I arranged a dating scan for Wednesday after work, a perk of the job. Eddie wanted to come too, although I had warned him there wouldn't be much to see.

"Our baby," he had said. "I want to see our baby."

"It's not a baby yet. And there will be other scans."

"I want to see every scan." He had replied.

He picked me up and we drove to the hospital. When the scan was done I could tell he was disappointed until I pointed out the heartbeat then his face lit up. Eight weeks the scan said. A birthday baby. Eight was nearly ten and ten weeks was a quarter of the way through! Eight weeks made my EDD the first week of November.

# Chapter Twenty-Eight

Friday again. Almost weekend. I'd never lived for the weekends the way I did now. Two whole days of freedom with Eddie. He wanted to look at house stuff this weekend. He'd promised not nursery things yet but I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. He was such a big kid sometimes.

My last patient was very straight forward and was in and out in less than five. An instant came through from Roisin:

Someone at desk to see you and I think you'd better get here now.

Must be Eddie.

As I walked out to desk I could see a man with long legs with his back to me. It wasn't Eddie but there was something familiar about him. He turned round. Oh shit! It was Aled! Hmm, Janie was right; he'd lost a lot of weight and he'd never carried any spare to start with. Eddie was going to freak out big time.

"Hi!" He gave me an uncertain smile.

"I wasn't expecting you." That was an understatement.

Roisin was looking expectantly at me.

"This is Roisin. Roisin, this is Aled. My ex-husband."

"Oh!"

Yes, oh!

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, we need to talk about the house and I bumped into Janie and she mentioned you were getting married. I thought we could talk about that too."

"He's going to get himself killed. Eddie will go berserk." Thank you Rois!

"Eddie is not going to find out. Aled, go home. I will sell you the house, just go away now."

"Eddie's the boyfriend, yeah? How can you marry someone you are so obviously scared of?"

"I'm not scared for me, you idiot. You shouldn't be here."

"I have every right to be here. We were married for nine years and I'm not going to disappear when you so clearly need protecting."

"It was ten years and I can look after myself."

We glared at each other. He broke first with a small lopsided grin. There was an awkward silence and then I noticed Roisin's expression of utter horror.

"You must be Aled," a familiar voice almost snarled behind me. Eddie: not at all happy and radiating menace. Could this get any worse? Please don't do anything stupid, either of you!

Aled looked him up and down. "You must be the boyfriend," he observed making no attempt to hide his distaste. No, no, no, Aled! Don't fuck with him.

"No. I am the fiance. Why are you bothering my Grace?" Eddie was very, very still now and that frightened me even more. Although the same height, Eddie was broader, harder and probably faster. A natural born brawler, he would snap Aled in two. That would be an interesting dilemma; follow the ambulance or the police car. Actually, no it wasn't. I would definitely be following the cop car.

"Ed, a word please?" I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards my room but he resisted.

I heard Aled take a breath and knew he was about to say something unhelpful.

"Shut up, Aled! Eddie!" I tugged harder. Eddie was glaring at Aled like he was something nasty he'd trodden in; the way he had looked at Parker. Please, don't hit him, please. He let me pull him away to Room 3. I closed the door behind us.

"Eddie, I need you to wait in here while I get rid of him."

"Did you know he was coming down?"

"No! You were there last time I spoke to him. You know as much as I do. I just want him to go away."

"I can make him go away."

"No. I won't be brawled over like two dogs fighting over a piece of steak." What to say to calm things down?

"Okay. Look Eddie, I love you and I need you here with me, now more than ever. If you get hauled off to prison for beating the crap out of my ex how are the baby and I going to cope? Don't leave me on my own."

"I won't. But I won't have him bothering you either. He's no right to meddle in your life."

"I know. He's just concerned and you stomping about with your hackles up will only make him more determined to stick around. If you really want to piss him off be pleasant and super relaxed like he's of no importance at all."

I could tell he was thinking about it.

"I am asking you to be the bigger and smarter man. Please. I don't need the stress. We have weddings to plan and babies to prepare for. Can't you find a little bit of sympathy for him? At least you know your baby is yours."

"Do I?"

I felt like I'd been struck. "Dear God, surely you don't..." and then I noticed the corner of his mouth twitch.

"You utter, utter bastard!"

He started laughing. "Sorry, couldn't resist it."

I put my hands on his face and pulled it to mine so I could kiss him full on. His arms slid around me.

"What does he want, anyway?"

"Janie told him we are getting married. He's probably panicking in case you kick him out of the house."

"So he's not down here out of concern for you?"

"He's probably a little concerned for me. He's had his heart broken and I think he would like to protect me from the same if he could."

"Is he wanting you to get back together?"

"I don't bloody care! Hell will freeze over first!"

Eddie looked approving. "If it is important to you, I will try to be pleasant to him but he isn't making it easy."

"Just be nice; it will irritate the shit out of him."

Eddie's big hands stroke my bottom thoughtfully. "What reward do I get?"

Oh, I loved that man! "What would you like?'

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes, everything. All of you."

"You already have all of me, body and soul."

He smiled and the danger in his eyes went out. "Let's go home, Mick will be wondering where his fish supper is. Arrange to meet bozo at the pub later. Sort out what you can and then make sure he pisses off back to Yorkshire."

"I will, I will," kissing him gratefully.

We went back to reception. Roisin was still there; no way was she going to get her coat and missing any of this! Aled was looking worried but eased a bit when I smiled at him. Before I could say anything Eddie waded in.

"Er, look, Aled, I think we are getting off on the wrong foot here. I know I'm over protective and all, but what with the excitement of the wedding and the baby I think Grace has enough to worry about without you upsetting her."

"Baby?" Aled looked at me. "You're...?" He made the bump gesture.

"Yeah." Eddie sounded so proud. "You didn't know?" Taken at face value, three very innocent words but the gist was clear; if you were important to Grace, she would have told you.

"No, Janie didn't mention that."

"Not like Janie." They both gave that half snort, half laugh. Who'd have thought it? The two of the most significant men in my life bonding over their common fear of my BFF.

"I didn't mean to cause any upset. Just because we're not married anymore doesn't mean I don't care. I really want Grace to be happy. I don't want her to make a mistake."

Oooh, I hope he didn't mean that the way it sounded.

"She's not." Was Eddie's frosty response.

Okay, that had started promisingly but was in danger of sliding back into dogs and steak territory. Roisin was still rapt.

"Baby, eh? Congratulations."

"Thank you." I felt dreadful, I knew he'd be thinking about Izzy.

"At least you know it's yours." He tried to laugh it off. I wanted so much to hug him.

I'm guessing that even Eddie found some sympathy in his heart for him for that one. He said, "We have a guest waiting for his dinner at home. Why don't you two meet up for a talk later?"

Aled's expression was uncertain, was that a trick question?

Before Eddie could change his mind I suggested The Hanged Man at eight.

"You drove down, yeah? I'll walk you out and give you directions." Eddie sounded reasonable enough but I could see Rois thinking, 'Bloody hell!'

Aled nodded. He couldn't really do anything else without making a scene. It had been made clear to him he was leaving.

They walked out and I looked at Roisin. "You can probably get your coat now."

She was stood up, leaning over the desk so she could watch through the front door. "I don't know. There might still be a punch up yet."

I might have told her off except that she was right.

Eddie and Aled were standing by Aled's car talking. I could see Eddie pointing back up the road towards East Combe and he didn't appear to be shouting. Bonus. They talked a bit more and then they both smiled. Good job I'm not paranoid. Aled opened the car door and got in.

My signal to leave. "Right! I'm off. Have a nice weekend."

"Keep me informed!" Roisin called after me.

.

We went home via the chippie and the smell was driving me crazy. Ed didn't mention Aled so I resisted the temptation to ask. Mick was waiting for us; and not that he was hungry but the table was set, the plates were in the oven and he was already holding his knife and fork. As usual he was going out with the lads after so Eddie was running him into town when I went to meet Aled. As I grabbed my coat Eddie gave me a mournful look.

"Just an hour or two. Then he's gone. For good." I promised him.

Eddie pulled his 'I still don't like it' face.

Oh hell! I gave him a kiss and a hug which somehow turned into a no holds barred snog.

"You guys ever done it with someone watching?" I'd forgotten about Mick.

"Mick, you can get away with remarks like that whilst you're young and cute but soon it'll just be pervy."

"So, I'm cute?" He sounded pleased.

Eddie shook his head. "I think you're safer with your ex!"

"I know I am. See you later. Are you staying in town?"

Another look said 'no way!' "If he tries anything..."

"He won't!"

Mick humphed, "Perhaps you should introduce him to James." I wasn't sure how to take that remark. I knew there was no love lost; James disapproved of Mick's lifestyle and his influence on Eddie; Mick thought James was a prude who looked down his nose at him. Since I wasn't sure if he was insulting me, Aled or James, or all three, I let it slide.

"Whatever. See you later."

.

I walked to The Man and I could see Aled's car already there. It was an uncomfortable and unsettling feeling, meeting him as my ex-husband. Altogether we'd been a couple for, well, more years than I cared to remember; it still didn't feel natural to be separate, apart. He was at the bar when I walked in. It was awkward, did we hug or not? Was it acceptable to do that stupid cheek kissy thing? In the end I gave him a polite peck on the cheek. It would probably still have been enough to send Eddie into apoplexy.

"Drink?"

"Orange juice please"

He looked surprised and then remembered. "Yeah, sure."

He got the drinks.

"Where do you want to sit?"

I didn't want to sit outside, that was where I sat with Eddie, and I knew by the look on the Landlady's face that she would be watching me with this other man. I pointed to a table in the corner, quiet but in full view.

"So, how are you? Really?" Aled asked as we sat down.

"Good. Really. And you?"

"Been better but I'll survive. So, pregnant huh?"

I nodded. I didn't want to be too jubilant in front of him, it didn't seem fair.

"You aren't as excited as I thought you would be." He was fishing now.

"I'm over the moon but I don't want to be insensitive." Not like you were.

"How far along?"

"Eight or nine weeks now."

"Early days." He sounded speculative.

I shot him a dirty look.

"Not that anything will go wrong," he covered. Mousy brown now, he'd been blond as a child and he still blushed like a blond. I remembered that I used to find it charming; I still did.

"What?" he was looking nervous. "You're smiling at me. It's THAT smile. The one you have when you are up to something or have a bombshell to drop."

I smiled and shook my head. "Neither. Just remembering."

Bright blue eyes met mine, "I wish you'd remember a bit more if it makes you smile like that."

Okay, that was awkward.

"So, what brings you to beautiful North Devon?"

"The house. And you."

"Did you get the valuations?"

"Yes, can't believe the bugger has actually gone up in value. I'm not sure I can afford to buy you out. I'm not sure I want to."

I ignored his last comment. Surely he meant he was wanting to down size after all. "As things stand, can you afford the payments on the mortgage we have?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to stay in the house?"

A slightly less certain "Yes," that sounded more like a maybe.

I put my hand over my mouth whilst I thought. I noticed the landlady was on the phone and looking over. Eddie!

"My mum says to tell you 'hello' and she hopes you are well." Aled's mum always did seem to like me despite my inability to provide her with grandchildren.

"Say 'hi' back for me. You pay the mortgage and you can stay in the house as long as you want. When you sell it or the mortgage is paid off I want my share of the deposit back with appropriate interest. I calculate that the mortgage payments I've made since I've been paying your share as well is roughly equal to your settlement so I will want that back if I am going to walk away from the house."

"No."

"Come on! It's fair. I put ten percent deposit down, I get ten percent when you sell. Even before we split up and I started paying all the mortgage, I still paid the lion's share for years. I'm writing that off."

"I didn't say it wasn't fair."

Uh oh! Please be down sizing. "You want somewhere smaller? More manageable?"

Was that a squirm? It was. It was definitely a squirm!

"Thing is, I was thinking..." Saints protect me from a man who thinks. "...you might come back."

"I'm getting married and having a baby. I don't think I'll be coming back."

"I think you are making a mistake."

"I don't."

"Grace, you hardly know him. You don't have to marry him just because he... he...you know!"

"You can't bring yourself to say it, can you?"

"No. All the pressure I put on you for a baby, I'm sorry. And then Mr Neanderthal just has to look at you and you're pregnant! I've screwed up so badly, Gracie."

"Okay Aled, listen to me. I love Eddie and I want to marry him. I'd be marrying him even if I wasn't expecting, because I can't imagine my life without him. This baby, his gift, is just the icing on the cake."

"Do you love him more than you used to love me?"

I looked at him and tried to remember. I recalled the first time I'd met him, all scrubbed up in theatre. I recalled the banter that gradually became serious; the early days, lectures all day and Aled all night. I was shocked to remember just how frantic I had been to get him into bed, and then keep him there.

"Was there ever a time when you couldn't imagine your life without me?" He persisted.

I remembered being crazy for him: waiting impatiently for him to get home from work so I could jump on him. It was a revelation but it didn't change anything.

"I love him the same as I used to love you, and yes, there was an awful long time when life without you seemed impossible."

We sat in silence for a while, each thinking. I looked at him and for once I didn't see Aled the Adulterer, or Aled the Man Who Was Disappointed In Me. I saw the guy that a shy med student had thought was way out of her league; the department heart throb; the young man I'd been so in love with. It was not a comfortable place to be.

"He seems a bit aggressive. Are you afraid of him?"

"No. And he's not aggressive. He's just frightened, he thinks you are a threat to him."

"Am I?"

"No, let's be very clear about that."

"He's a lucky man."

"Sometimes." Tension broken we both smiled.

"If you weren't with him, would you come back to me?"

"I am so why go there?"

"But if you weren't?"

"Yes, I think I would."

"I've been so stupid"

"Yes, I think so." We both laughed again.

"What are you going to do about the house?" I tried to get back to business.

"You're definitely not going to come back to me?"

"Could you raise another man's child?" I was thinking of Izzy.

"Yes. If I loved the mother. And I do."

I put my hand over my mouth and I could feel tears coming. "That's not fair."

"Sorry. I'll sell it and we will split it as agreed in the divorce deal. I don't want money that you could spend on the baby."

"Janie said your parents are giving you grief. I'm sorry."

"I brought it on myself."

"No, you didn't. Not entirely. I could have been a little less focused on a baby and a bit more focused on you. It could have been a bit more about recreation and a little less about procreation."

"We both got damaged. Maybe who was to blame isn't so important."

"It isn't important at all. I wish I could make it all better for you, for us."

"You look exhausted."

"I am. You look like you're not eating properly."

"Probably not."

"Promise me you'll start taking better care of yourself."

"Promise me if things don't work out you'll let me help you."

That was a chilling thought.

"Another drink?" Aled offered.

"No. I want to go home."

"To Eddie?"

"Yes."

"You know, he seemed like a likable sort of guy, afterwards."

"He is. You're not seeing him at his best." Now, where had I heard that before? "What did he say to you in the car park?"

"He gave me directions to the pub."

"Aled!"

"He said he loved you. He said he would do anything to make you happy. He begged me not to take you away from him."

"Really?"

"No, he threatened to break my legs if I upset you." Aled laughed and for a second I fantasized about punching his lights out. I gave up and started laughing too.

.

Aled finally left so I phoned Eddie.

"How'd it go?" He asked. Like the landlady of The Man hadn't told you!

"I'm drained but I think it's sorted. Thank you for being so understanding about this."

"It's not easy."

"I know and I love you for it. I'm going to walk up now. Eddie?"

"Yes?"

"I'd really like to make love tonight, if that's okay?"

"Hmm, let me think. Well, I'm not keen on that sort of thing, as you know, but I suppose if it's what you want..."

"You are such a tease."

"If I don't at least pretend to play hard to get once in a while you might not want me so much."

"Ed, if I wanted you any more I would spontaneously combust!"

There was a pleased chuckle. "Better run then."

"And arrive too out of breath to have my wicked way with you? No thanks. I'll walk and imagine all the things I am going to do with you."

"Can you talk whilst you walk?"

"No signal once I'm away from the pub, remember?"

"I'll drive down for you." The line went dead.

I finished my drink and looked around the pub. It had been a good choice of venue. Public enough to ease Eddie's fears but quiet enough to really talk. It was odd to discover that I still had feelings for Aled however muted they were. I now knew for certain if I hadn't left Yorkshire, if I hadn't met Eddie, we would be back together. He was just so easy to be with. With a sigh I rose and left. By the time I got to the front door Eddie was just pulling up. Conscious of the fact I should have walked but it was dark and I was tired, I gratefully climbed in. A swift U turn and it seemed we were back at Eddie's in seconds. He parked right outside the door and killed the engine. As I undid the seat belt Eddie lent over and kissed me hungrily. I knew he'd been waiting by the phone all evening for the call that I was finished with Aled and I was coming back to him. I knew his self doubt would have been torturing him with all sorts of nonsense and I was aware of how much me being alone with my ex would have hurt him. I could tell from his kisses that tonight was going to be wild and frantic. When we finally managed to take our hands off each other he leapt out and ran around to my door. He opened it and almost dragged me out. Once out he held on to my arm and it was clear I wasn't going anywhere. After he closed the door he pushed me back against it and kissed me again. Hot and passionate kisses salving his frightened imaginings. He began tugging my skirt up and grabbing at my thighs and bum.

"Not here, Eddie!"

"Yes, here." Was all he said and within seconds my skirt was round my waist and his hand was inside my knickers.

I tried to bat him off. "Jesus, Eddie! Not out here. It's freezing!"

"Please? I'll be quick. I need it. You don't know what it's been like."

I could at least do this for him, I told myself. The less palatable truth was I wanted it here and now as much as he did. When was my insane desire for him going to mellow? I stopped pushing him away and immediately his finger slid inside me. I inhaled sharply at the intrusion. He began to work me, in and out, round and round. Oh, that felt good. I was tortured by indecision; did I grope him back or just relax and enjoy? He opened my coat then ripped my blouse open. It took both hands for him to undo my bra. I'm not sure what made me gasp the loudest; his finger back inside me or the freezing cold air on my nipples. Frantically, he undid his belt and dropped his pants. Immediately he removed his hand and pushed his hard cock into me. When Eddie needed something, he needed it badly. I gasped loudly this time. The side of the truck was so cold against my bottom I could have cried. He began thrusting in and out of me, fast and shallow. He was making an odd, high pitched keening noise.

"Mine? Still mine?" He needed reassurance.

I put an arm around his back and a hand on the back of his neck and held him tight as he moved against me. "Always yours, Eddie."

He was going like a steam train now and if he didn't finish soon, cold bum or not, I was going to lose control. Suddenly he came and it was as if it was hurting him, as if giving himself to me was painful for him. He leant against me whilst he got his breath back. "I needed that so much."

I was shivering. "Would never have guessed! Can we go inside now?"

"Promise me you won't see him again."

"I promise. It's sorted. If for any reason I need to see him or even speak to him I will tell you first and you can be with me. He's no threat to you. He never will be and he knows it."

"It was like physical pain, knowing you were there with him, without me." He was shivering too.

He let go and we rearranged our clothing so we could walk in. He was full of surprises, I had to give him that! On the kitchen table his dinner was largely untouched. I started to clear it away.

"Is it really all sorted?"

"Yes, he's moving out and we're selling it as agreed."

"Can we have an early night? Can we cuddle?"

I dumped the dishes in the sink. "I'd like that."

After we'd got ready for bed we snuggled up and I watched him fall asleep. He looked so boyish in his sleep I was almost overcome by a fierce need to protect him. I looked at the alarm clock. Eddie was working Saturday. Eight hours until he had to get up. Could I watch him for the whole eight? I put my head on the pillow next to him. I would just watch him sleep for a little while. He stirred and long, dark eyelashes fluttered slightly. He hadn't shaved since that morning and his jaw was dark and shadowed. Just looking at him, I felt my breasts tighten and my nipples start to tingle. Would he always have this effect on me? Would I be this hot for him forever?

# Chapter Twenty-Nine

Things were pretty much perfect, always a worrying thing. Eddie was still Eddie but peaceful and contented. He was busy, busy, busy! He was so excited about the baby, the wedding and the house. I got home from work one evening to find him pouring over a book of baby names with a pen and paper next to him. He was a man with a mission and it suited him. People noticed and passed comment on how well he looked. I knew he was bursting to say something but he kept his promise and didn't. I felt great; no morning sickness or anything like that. Eddie was as amorous as ever and the books were right, sex did get even better. Safe to say we were both very happy with that! Sometimes it felt like he only had to look at me and I came. Four weeks of bliss drifted by.

Whey hey, another Friday! The Friday evening routine was quite established now. Eddie and Mick stopped at the chip shop on their way home and Mick stayed for tea. After tea, Eddie dropped Mick at The Shack and came home. Every week I offered to drive them so Eddie could stay for a few drinks with his mates and every week he declined my offer and came straight home. This particular Friday they arrived with dinner and sat at the table as usual.

"Am I driving you both into town tonight?"

"No, love. I'll drop Mick off."

"I thought you might want to stop for a bit.You know, news to tell people."

His head snapped up. "Already?"

"Tomorrow to be exact."

Goofy grin.

"Why are you guys talking in code?" Mick asked.

"Why don't you have a practice go?" I indicated Mick.

"Got something to tell you, Mick."

"Grace is pregnant." It wasn't a question.

"Well, that's taken the wind out of our sails a bit!" Eddie sounded disappointed.

"It's kinda obvious, mate. You've been like a dog with two dicks for weeks now. And the sudden rush to get on with your house. Congratulations."

How very Mick! I shrugged and laughed.

"If you're telling people now, does that mean I can give you a congratulatory hug?"

"Yes." I said.

"No!" Eddie said simultaneously.

"Sorry Mick. Gotta do as the boss says." I shrugged again.

"And don't you forget it!" Eddie was joking, I think.

"I'll sneak one later." He winked.

Eddie gave him a look.

"Or maybe not."

Ed smiled and nodded.

We ate dinner and chatted a bit before the boys headed off. Eddie gave me a hug and a kiss.

"I'll be an hour. I'm going to stop for a while. Let the guys know."

"Don't rush. You haven't been out in ages. Just enjoy yourself." A long, uninterrupted soak in the bath was calling me.

It was two hours later when Eddie came home and I'd gone to bed. He crawled in next to me and curled around me. A hand started to stroke my bum hopefully. "Tomorrow, Eddie." I promised him. "How did your buds take your news?"

He snorted." Seems they'd been taking bets on it since I told them we were getting married."

"Life in a small town," I sighed.

Eddie was quiet but tense.

"Out with it!"

"Phil said he bumped into Angie in town yesterday. He said she has moved back here now she is divorced."

"Marvelous." I said sarcastically. " Be polite but don't get involved."

"I won't," and he snuggled down to sleep.

.

The following Friday was my Trimester screening. I'd spoken to Mrs Clyde on the phone the week after my dating scan and we'd arranged to do a nuchal scan and a CVS. She mentioned the specialist GP post again. It probably wouldn't be up and running for another eighteen months. What plans did I have regarding work after the baby? Could she ring me nearer the time? Hell, yes! James had taken a blood sample already and sent that in. Eddie was getting excited. I'd promised him that this time the scan really would look like a baby.

Friday was busy. I had a morning surgery and home visits; Eddie was working in the centre of town. We decided it was just easier to meet there.

I got there half an hour early. No sign of Eddie. No biggie. I went to the department and waited. Five minutes to go, still no Eddie. I let the receptionist know I was just popping out to find out where he was. The phone rang twice and then cut off. I tried again. It rang once and cut off. I went back inside. Mrs Clyde appeared after a few minutes. Wasn't my partner coming? I explained he was supposed to be. She suggested I quickly try him again. It was the same thing. One ring and it cut off. It didn't even ring and then go to answer phone. What on Earth was up? It was odd, I hoped he was alright. Back inside and I thought we'd better start without him. When he turned up desk would send him through.

The nuchal scan, combined with the bloodwork, gave a 1 in 250 chance of a Down's baby. I needed to know for sure, it's just the way I am, so we went ahead with the CVS. I was on my way out in less than half an hour! Still no Ed. I was feeling a bit panicky. He'd been looking forward to this so much he wouldn't have missed it. I phoned him one more time. It rang four times and then cut off. Increasingly worried, I called Marilyn. She hadn't heard anything. Steadily and thoughtfully, I drove home. He wasn't there either. I flicked the kettle on and then called him again. It rang three times and then he answered it.

"Hi!"

"Where the bloody hell are you? I've been worried sick!"

"What? Oh shit! The scan! "

I heard a woman's voice in the background say, "Who's that, Eddie darling?"

"Who the fuck was that?"

He went quiet. The woman's voice again, closer this time. "Is everything alright, babe?"

"Who the fuck is that? Babe!"

"Angie."

I looked at my phone and then pressed the 'end call' button. My philosophy has always been 'why run if no one is chasing you' but I flew round that house like all the demons in Hell were after me. My phone kept playing "Big, Bad, Handsome Man" but I ignored it. In the end I switched it off. I stuffed as much as I could into bags and put them in the car. When I ran out of bags I just grabbed armfuls of my stuff and put it straight in the boot. Then I slammed the door, got in the car and drove off without a backwards glance. I had no idea where to go. I drove up on to the moors and found a pub in the middle of nowhere that did rooms. Only one left, a double though not a single. I didn't care, I'd take it. I sat in the room, shocked to my core. He'd missed his baby's scan to be with her. But then he was her 'Eddie darling'. That bitch! That bastard! They deserved each other. I hoped she chewed him up and spat him out again.

I took the room for the weekend. The landlord said it was available until the following Friday if I wanted. I asked about local walks and he leant me a rather dog eared book. I spent Saturday and Sunday wandering about the moors; thinking and watching the ponies. I didn't turn my phone on once. On Sunday evening I realised that I hadn't cried yet. I was hurt beyond tears. I couldn't face all those messages so I used the payphone in the bar to call James.

"Gracie! Are you okay? Where the Hell are you?"

"You've spoken to Eddie then."

"Yes, he's frantic."

"He can't be that frantic. I'm sure Ange will take his mind off it."

"Oh Grace! Where are you?"

"Safe. Why?"

"Don't be on your own, princess. Come to mine or let me come to you."

I told him where I was.

"Hey, I actually know it! I'll be there in an hour."

"On your own? Please?"

"Yes. Book a table for two for six o'clock."

"Will do. Thank you James."

I booked the table and waited at the bar. About two pints of orange juice later, James arrived.

He sailed into the bar, kissed my cheek and ordered a pint.

"This your fella, then?" asked the landlord.

"I wish!" I said sincerely. I looked at James. "Oh God, I wish." James, bless him, blushed.

The landlord gave me an odd look and passed James his drink.

We went to our table and over starters I told James what had happened. I tried to stick to the facts and not get too emotional.

I told him about trying to call Eddie and how the phone kept cutting off. He looked at me like I was an idiot.

"What?" I asked.

"Angie. Isn't it obvious? He'll have taken his phone out of his pocket to put the cupboards together and every time it rang and flashed your name up, she'll have switched it off. She's always been a bugger. It didn't go on to answer phone because someone kept switching it off!"

When the main course arrived it was James' turn. Eddie had rung him Friday evening in a state. Had James seen or heard from me? No. Why? Eddie had told him he'd missed the scan. James had called him a dozy bastard. Eddie had then confessed he'd been with Angie but swore it was innocent and nothing had happened. Eddie had spent the weekend ringing anyone he could think of and tearing the area apart looking for me. He'd even rung Aled. That's how desperate he was.

"Have you checked your phone?"

"No, I switched it off before I left and couldn't face turning it on again."

"That will be why he can't find you."

I must have looked surprised.

"He's been trying to track your phone but it only works if the phone is switched on."

"That's a bit stalker ish."

"Oh, he's been wild, I mean out of his head crazy, trying to find you."

"Oh."

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, try to carry on. I can stay here until Friday. Now Aled is paying the mortgage I can look for somewhere to rent. "

"You could stay with me."

"No, I couldn't. I love you too much to put you in that position."

He looked like he was about to argue and then changed his mind. "If I'm honest, Eddie is pretty scary right now."

"Why didn't you tell him where I was?"

"What makes you think I didn't?"

My face must have fallen.

"No. No. Just a joke. It's okay. I haven't."

Oh relief!

We chatted some more about happier things: babies, houses, stuff.

When it was time to go I walked out to the car with him. I gave him a kiss and a hug before he got in. As James opened the driver's door he turned to me.

"You know he'll be waiting for you at work tomorrow, don't you?"

I had thought as much.

"Be careful!"

"You think he would hurt me?"

"No, but he is upset and not thinking straight. It will be hard on you emotionally, facing him. We don't want to turn Junior into a stress head before he or she is even born."

"Results by Tuesday afternoon."

"That's quick! Celebratory dinner Tuesday evening?"

"Perks of the job and definitely!"

James got in his little TT and started the engine. I stood in the car park waving as he drove off.

Better get an early night! Once in my room I looked at my phone. All of a sudden it wasn't my lifeline or my friend anymore. "Sneak!" I hissed at it.

# Chapter Thirty

So it was a very apprehensive Grace O'Donnell who drove to work the next morning. Sure enough a large, black Hilux was parked right in front of the entrance. I was terrified but what could I do? Not turning up for work wasn't an option and I knew he'd find me sooner or later if he really wanted to. As I drove past to staff parking I saw the driver door swing open. Oh shit! My heart was hammering as I parked next to James' car. So much for not stressing the baby! Here goes! I grabbed my handbag and got out. Eddie was waiting for me at the back of the TT and he looked like he hadn't slept all weekend. He moved towards me and I skipped out of the way round the bonnet of the car. Despite my plan to stay calm and in control, I bottled it and ran for the door.

"Grace! Get back here!"

Not fucking likely! I made it to the front door before he caught me. He picked me up bodily but I held on to the door handle. Eddie was a big, strong bloke and I could feel my grip slipping as he tried to swing me away from the door.

"Put her down!" Stuart stood in the doorway. I'd never seen him even mildly cross but now he was livid. "I said Put. Her. Down. NOW!"

Eddie blinked but did as he was told. The fingers of my right hand hurt so much I had to rub them and I was reasonably certain had I been on my own I would have cried.

"Grace, go inside and run your fingers under the cold tap. YOU! Go home."

I squeezed past Stuart, and Marilyn who was standing behind him, and ran for the kitchen. As I held my burning fingers under the cold water I allowed myself a sniffle or two. Glancing up at the reflection in the window I saw Stuart and Marilyn behind me.

"I'm sorry Stuart. I'm so sorry..." I began to babble.

"We do not manhandle ladies and even more so pregnant ladies. If he tries that again you tell me."

I wondered who 'we' was but just nodded.

Stuart left and I thought I'd better say sorry to Marilyn.

"Sorry? Still friends?" I asked.

"Oh Grace, I've been worried sick about you. Where did you go?" She gave me a big hug and finally the tears came.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry you didn't go round and thump the pair of them? I would have."

I made a noise half way between a sob and a laugh.

"Sit down."

As I turned to switch the tap off I saw a mournful Eddie standing in the staff car park watching me. Marilyn followed my gaze.

She banged on the window and jerked her thumb in the direction of the truck. "Home!" She mouthed at him.

"How much do you know?" I asked as I sat and she filled the kettle.

"I know he missed the scan because of that whore." The contempt in her voice took my breath away. I didn't know why I was surprised. Marilyn loved her son fiercely and Angie had all but destroyed what should have been the best years of Eddie's life and Eddie. "He says nothing happened." Clearly she didn't think an awful lot of Eddie either at the moment.

"If he says so, I believe him."

"That's not the point, is it?"

"No, it's not." She's been through this herself, I thought.

"I'm so sorry." Marilyn blurted.

"What for? You've done nothing wrong."

"I so wanted you for my Eddie. I thought you were perfect for him; smart, pretty, strong. I never stopped to think about whether he would be perfect for you. I was so determined to get you together I never stopped to think that perhaps my Eddie isn't such a prize and might not be good for you too. I shouldn't have pushed you towards him."

"Oh Marilyn! Stop it. I am a grown woman. I wasn't forced into anything. I wanted Eddie, I still want him. If you'd tried to put a stop to it, the strength of my attraction to him, I would have fallen for him anyway."

She passed me my drink. "What are you going to do?"

"Not sure. Take my time and do a lot of thinking."

She nodded her approval. "Any immediate thoughts?"

"Just how to cause as little aggravation as possible for those around me."

"Don't worry about us."

"But I do. Your my friend but his mum. James, my friend but more like Eddie's brother. I could lose everyone I care about."

Another hug. "No. You won't."

"Thank you."

She sighed. "I love my Eddie but he has brought this on himself. Whatever happens, if you need anything at all, I am here for you. Are you up to work?"

"Yes. I just need a minute."

"We'll talk again later. Yes?"

"Yes."

.

When I'd finished my coffee, I checked I was presentable and got ready to go to my room. As I stood by the door I took a deep breath to steady myself. I could hear Marilyn talking on the phone. It didn't take a genius to work out who she was talking to.

"Don't you 'Mum!' me." She snapped. "Do you have any idea of the number of sobbing women I've had turn up on my doorstep when you've bedded them and dumped them? I'm bloody sick of providing tea and sympathy to your conquests!"

I was reasonably sure she shouldn't be having this conversation from desk and even more sure I shouldn't be listening but I couldn't move away.

"I've heard stuff about you and the things you like to do that no mother ever wants to hear about her son. Do you know what it's like to have some silly tart, who let you talk her out of her knickers, sitting in my kitchen, crying her eyes out because you are the best ever and the love of her life? When you go to The Shack does Grace know how many of the girls in there that you've been with? Does she know that they practically queue up for your services? Because that's what I hear and I am not happy about it. And your weekends away with your surfing cronies, does she know what goes on at those?"

To be fair, at this point Marilyn was shouting so loudly I could probably have followed the conversation from my room. Holy shit! Queuing up for his services? And I'd been quite happy for him to go away with his mates. How stupid and naive did I feel?

"If you mess this up, if you let Grace get away, the best thing that has ever happened to you, I swear I will disown you, Eddie Langsett!" She slammed the phone down. I had to sit down. I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears. She must have realised she had been shouting and stuck her head round the door.

"I didn't mean to get so cross with him. I shouldn't have been so loud. I suppose you heard?"

I was devastated. All I could do was nod.

"Sorry."

"I didn't think it could get worse."

"Are you alright?" She was mortified now.

"I don't know anymore."

Somehow I made it to my room although I couldn't have told you how. I sat at my desk just staring at the monitor for a while.

I took my phone out of my bag. He knew where I was now so no harm in switching it on. Hells bells! Forty three missed calls and sixty one texts! I scanned the texts: Eddie, Eddie, James, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Oooo Vodafone - I'll open that one. 'Your bill for last month is....' close it again. Eddie, Eddie, Aled! Eddie.... Oh fuck it. The missed calls weren't any better, all save one or two were from Eddie. Suddenly it rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Eddie! I hit the end call button and switched my phone off again.

Once I was seeing patients I started to feel better. I felt like I knew what I was doing again, like I was in control. At lunchtime I got an instant from Marilyn.

'Eddie is here. Stay in your room if you don't want to see him. Stuart has forbidden him to bother you. Would you like a sandwich getting?'

'Yes please. Cheese salad and crisps."

'Will be about 15mins.'

Sure enough about twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door. My heart started to pound as it opened but thankfully it was Stuart.

"Here you go. Mind if I have a word?"

I shook my head. I had it coming. It must surely be a lecture on professionalism.

He sat down and took his glasses off. "I've told Eddie he isn't to bother you. When you've had a chance to think and you know what you want and you are ready to talk to him you will let him know. It is your call, not his and I have told him that in no uncertain terms. Don't let him rush you and most certainly he is never to lay a finger on you again. We all think a lot about you and the patients like you: I don't want to lose you because of him and that creature!"

Even his insults are gentlemanly, I thought. "Thank you."

"Just so you know." He looked slightly embarrassed and put his glasses back on. "Where are you living?"

I told him about the pub.

"Move back to the flat whilst you think. If you decide Hurricane Eddie is not for you we will find somewhere more suitable. Well, papers to read, you know." Having said what he came to say he got up and left. I rang the pub to let them know I wouldn't need the room. Just as well I hadn't unpacked the car. After work James helped me carry my stuff up to the flat. Back a third time!

# Chapter Thirty-One

Tuesday morning, as I walked round to the entrance, Eddie's truck pulled up. My heart sank until Marilyn got out and he drove off. I waited and we walked in together.

"You know he's going to try to pick me up and drop me off everyday, just so he can see you."

"He'll get bored after a day or two."

Marilyn's expression showed she thought otherwise.

At about eleven the surgery phone bleeped. It wasn't an outside line but the tone that signified reception. I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hiya," it was Roisin. "Got Mrs Clyde on the phone for you."

"Put her through."

I put the phone down and it rang again. Outside line tone this time.

"Hello?"

"Grace? This is Sandra. How are you?"

"Yes, fine. And you?"

"Great. Got your results back. Everything is fine. Do you want to know what you are having?"

"Yes please."

"Sure?"

"Yes." Just tell me, tell me, tell me! I was so excited.

"A boy."

OMG! A boy! A little Eddie! "Oh wow, thank you."

"Well, congratulations. I'll see you at your twenty week scan. Must dash, up to my eyeballs this morning!"

"Bye, and thank you!"

A boy. I went straight to desk. "Marilyn, a quick word if you please?" I pointed to the kitchen.

Once inside I told her the results were back and everything was normal. I didn't mention that it was a boy. I wanted to keep that to myself for a while.

She was thrilled.

"Is Eddie picking you up tonight?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I'll tell him then." It was the sensible and grown up thing to do, and besides, I had questions for him.

I told James at lunchtime. He asked directly if I knew whether it was a boy or a girl. I swore him to secrecy and then told him.

As we were getting ready to go home, or back to the flat in my case, there was a knock on my door.

"Yes? Come in."

It opened and there was Eddie. It was amazing, after everything I'd found out about him, he still had the same effect on me that he'd had that first night at James'. My heart still seemed to skip a beat.

"Mum said you wanted a word?"

"Just thought you might like to know that the hospital rang with the test results and the baby is fine."

"Is that all?"

You fucking bastard, pardon me for bothering you with news about your baby. I managed an icy, "Isn't that enough?"

"Yes, it's wonderful." He smiled.

"I have questions for you." I didn't sound entirely friendly and his smile faded. "When you go away for the weekend with your mates, do girls go along too?"

He went pale and nodded. "Can I sit down?"

I gestured to the patients' seat. "How many girls go and how many have you been with?"

"Been with?"

"Fucked! How many of the girls who go on these surf weekends have you fucked?"

The expression on his face told me the answer before he'd even opened his mouth. "All of them."

"How many?"

"Six."

I was stunned. This was almost as bad as listening to him come clean after the golf club incident. He'd neglected to mention about his little weekends away.

"Mick and me, it was a competition. I won." He offered as an excuse or an explanation.

'Oh well, as long as you won. That's alright then!" I felt used and dirty, and not in the good sense. "And on your weekends away since we've been together?"

"NONE!" His answer was loud and vehement. "I swear to God, Grace, I haven't even looked at another woman since I met you. You are all I want. Please believe me."

"Any more nasty, dirty little secrets? Any more lies and omissions?" I put my head in my hands and started to cry. "I loved you," was all I could think of to say. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Take your stinking hand off me!" I snarled at him. "God only knows what you are crawling with! GET OUT!"

When he'd gone I got my phone out and switched it on. I deleted the missed calls and out of curiosity read the texts. Most of them were of the 'I love you. Call me.' variety. A few protested his innocence. I believed him but the fact he hadn't slept with her was not much comfort to me, not when he appeared to have slept with everyone else. Whilst I was checking the messages my phone buzzed with a new message from Eddie.

'Thank you for thinking enough of me to tell me about the results to my face. I know I'm not good enough for you but I will always love you and I am so desperate to be a part of my baby's life. Please talk to me some more.'

You know, balls to this! I sent Janie a text. 'When you free for a visitor?' I deserved a break.

Late Tuesday afternoon I got a reply 'Next weekend?'

'Done!' I sent back.

I was starting to feel quite at home in the flat. Things were settling into a routine that, if not ideal, was at least workable. Eddie had taken to dropping Marilyn off and picking her up every day. She wasn't happy about it but she couldn't find it in her heart to tell him no. He would sit in the pickup in the car park looking hopefully at me whilst I walked past. After a day or two I started going in to the practice very early, before they got there, and leaving late. Most mornings he would sit there for an hour just in case. In the evenings Marilyn insisted they went straight home so he couldn't wait around.

Friday night I went out with Roisin and Tasha. It was good to get out of the flat. The only downside was that we ended up at The Shack and Eddie's friends were there. Mick came over for a chat and I guessed one of the others made a call because Eddie soon turned up. He just stared at me all evening but I was determined I had done nothing wrong and I wasn't the one who should leave. I noticed girls approaching him and I noticed him sending them away.

"Please Doc, just talk to him." Mick whined.

I looked at Eddie and then I looked at Roisin looking at Mick.

"Do you a deal. You talk to Roisin, I'll talk to Eddie."

"Does she know, you know, about stuff?"

"Yes."

"And she's cool about it?"

"Yes."

"Wow! Talk to Ed if you want, I am definitely talking to Roisin!" The Man Mountain was gone!

Okay, now for my side of the deal. I stood up and took my glass to the bar. I'd barely put it on the counter before Eddie was beside me.

"Hey Grace."

"Eddie."

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"And the bump?"

"Fine. The bump and I are both fine. How are you?"

He stood there fidgeting. I knew his mates were watching. I wondered briefly if they thought it was funny. They knew all about his exploits. Did they think I was an arrogant bitch for imagining I was special to him? Or did they think he'd got his comeuppance?

"Let's talk outside." I said. Eddie grabbed my hand and was off like a flash for the door.

As soon as we were outside he swung me round and tried to kiss me. I'm guessing the flat of my hand wasn't the smacker he was expecting. He stepped back. "You don't do that with me anymore." I hissed at him.

"Sorry." The slap hadn't been that hard. I think it was the fact he wasn't allowed to kiss me that hurt him more. "Why did you want to come outside?"

"Because I'm not the floor show for your buddies. We're going to have to be civil with each other and it's going to be awkward to start with."

"Are you ready to talk to me?"

"There's practical stuff we have to talk about."

"Would you walk with me? We could walk and talk."

It was still fairly light and there were holiday makers everywhere, what harm could it do? "Okay."

He held out his hand and I looked at it. He stood there and it was obvious he wasn't going to move it so reluctantly I took it. We crossed the road, me trip trapping along in silly shoes.

"Better make it the beach, not the esplanade, I need to take these stupid heels off."

"The beach it is then. You shouldn't be wearing heels when your pregnant anyway." He was actually serious.

"What? You think I should go out with the girls in trainers and a maternity smock?" I tried to laugh it off.

"You shouldn't be out looking like that when you are carrying my child. Not without me."

I stopped walking. "What is wrong with the way I look?" I demanded. Okay, the dress was fitted and okay, I may have had a little bump but I thought it was tasteful and I'd waited so long for a bump I was fiercely proud of it. Sometimes when I looked in the mirror I thought I might be imagining it but I was sure I was beginning to show. I wanted it to show so very much. I wanted a definite tummy.

"It's inappropriate."

"Inappropriate?" Starting to get just a teeny bit pissed off now.

"Yes!" He was getting a bit heated too.

"Well, excuse me! I thought I looked classy and nice! Roisin and Tasha thought I looked nice! If you don't, then that's your problem."

"Well, you don't look just 'nice'. You look beautiful and sexy. You're not out on the pull, it's not right for other men to be looking at you like that."

"Eddie, I look pregnant. No one is looking at me and thinking 'Cor, I'd give her one' because it is pretty bloody obvious I've already had one!" I was so sure about it.

"You look beautiful and there were plenty of guys in there who would give their right arm to be with you, expecting or not!" He was really cross. He shook his head in frustration. "I should know," he continued more quietly, "I'm one of them."

I wasn't sure but I thought that might have been a back handed compliment. "What exactly are we arguing about here?

"You being out, looking stunning. How am I supposed to feel?" He was standing on the pavement beseeching me. "Do you know what it's like for me to have to watch other men ogling you?"

"No one was ogling me!"

"Like Hell they weren't!"

I pulled my hand free. "Eddie, I don't want to fight with you. I'm going back inside."

"Please don't!"

"I made a real effort tonight. I thought I looked alright. I felt good about myself. And you, you come along and have a go and make me feel, well, like shit, basically." I was surprised at how stung I was.

"I'm not having a go. You look more than alright. You look so beautiful. Grace, please don't find someone else. Don't cut me out of your life."

I took a minute to do a bit of mental re-jigging. It was a compliment, sort of.

"I can't cut you out of my life, you're the father of my baby."

"I'd rather hear that you can't cut me out of your life because you love me."

This was too much. "I'd thought we could be civil but this is just too distressing." I turned to go.

"Can I come to the next scan?" He blurted.

"Yes, of course. I would like that."

"You would?"

"Yes, The baby is yours too."

"But it's mother isn't."

"No, she isn't."

"Are you ever coming back to me?"

"I don't know."

"Is that a maybe?"

"No. It's an 'I don't know'."

"Please walk on the beach with me. I know I can't stop you going back in and then leaving with whoever you want but just give me half an hour with you first."

I sighed. 'Ed, I won't be leaving anywhere with anyone. I'm not like you and your friends. I've slept with three men in my life; my first serious boyfriend, Aled and you. I never want a fourth! The number of women you have had sickens me." There, I'd said it.

"They didn't mean anything."

"That makes it worse."

"I just wanted to be good at it. I didn't want to be rubbish anymore. I wanted to be the best so when I fell in love again I could make her love me back."

Poor, damaged Eddie.

"You really think that what you have between your legs is all you have to offer?"

There was a barely audible, "Yes."

I stepped up to him and put my arms round him. "You listen to me Edward Langsett. You are an amazing, wonderful human being. You have so much to offer."

He put his arms round me. "I am offering everything I have to you. Why won't you take me? If I could rewrite my past for you I would. I've been a bastard and a slut. I'm neither anymore. Just love me."

We held on to each other and gradually out lips got closer. He was about to kiss me and I was about to let him when the door to The Shack opened and several young, rather drunk, men spilled out onto the pavement. Clearly fans of Eddie's reputation, there were various cat calls and crude remarks across the street. Loud comments about Eddie being 'The Man' and getting his leg over were some of the more repeatable things. It killed the moment stone dead and embarrassed both of us.

"Are we still walking?" Eddie asked when it was quiet again.

"Yes."

We walked along the beach and back for nearly an hour. We held hands and chatted about this and that, mostly about the baby. I told him how frightened I'd been when he missed the scan. I'd been imagining him lying in an over turned truck or under a pile of bricks somewhere. Then I admitted that when I'd found out where he was I had wished that he really was lying injured somewhere. We even managed to laugh about it.

He told me how excited he was about being a father and for the first time he really opened up about his dad. I loved listening to him. When we were back on the seafront, I leant against him whilst I brushed the sand off my feet.

"Can I run you home?"

"No, I drove."

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"No, I have plans."

"On Monday, in the morning, can I walk you round from the flat to reception?"

"Yes, okay."

"And every morning?"

"Let's see how Monday goes first."

We went back inside and went our separate ways. It was nearly time to run Tasha home and Roisin was flushed and happy sat on Mick's lap so I grabbed a last orange juice. At least the baby wouldn't have scurvy! Eddie was watching me like a hawk. I can't say that I noticed anyone else looking at me, but then I can't say that I cared about what anyone else was doing. Tasha was joking that we should make every Friday night Antenatal Hair Down Night. I glanced at Roisin on Mick's knee and gave him a 'Don't you dare!' look. Drinks finished, Tasha and I headed to the car.

"I really needed that." She was saying as we left.

"Wait!" Eddie had seen us go and followed. "I'll walk you down."

"I think we are safe." I replied.

"For God's sake Grace, let him walk us to the car."

Out voted, I gave in. Just as well we weren't parked too far away. Eddie and Tasha exchanged pleasantries. Yes, she was three months ahead of me. Yes, she and Mark were excited. How about him? It was odd to hear him talking to her about how much he was looking forward to being a dad, hearing his plans, little things like today he'd been looking at cots. I was so glad when we reached my little car. I unlocked it and was going to climb in.

"Can I have a quick word?" Eddie was clearly determined to say something.

I looked at Tasha for support.

"Let him have his say."

Thanks a bunch! "Okay."

Tasha got in and Eddie held my arm.

"Be with me tonight."

I wasn't sure I'd heard that right. "Pardon?"

"Be with me tonight. No strings."

We may not have been together anymore and I may have been expecting but I was still human and the suggestion of no strings sex with this incredible man definitely got a reaction. For a moment I couldn't think of anything to say.

"You're at least tempted then!"

What the Hell, if we were going to be friends for the baby's sake I should start being nice to him. "Very tempted. But it's not happening. We both know I couldn't let you go, it wouldn't stay no strings."

"I was sort of banking on that."

I gently put a hand to that handsome face. "Be good, Eddie." I gave him a peck on the cheek and turned to get in the car. He had an iron grip on my arm.

"If you change your mind, any time at all, any time of the day or night..."

I stared pointedly at his hand and he let go.

I got in the car and started the engine. As I put my seat belt on Tasha remarked, "I can't believe you turned down the chance to go a few rounds no strings with Eddie."

I thought she was joking until I saw her expression.

"You don't know the half of it."

"So have a cup of tea at mine and tell me all of it."

That was how I came to be sat in Tasha's kitchen until gone one in the morning thrashing out exactly how I felt about Ed.

I told her the number of other women bothered me.

"You can't crucify him for that. He was a mess for a while."

"I don't mean when he was wrecked. I dealt with that."

"Then what do you mean?"

Somehow as I talked it over, things that had niggled vaguely crystalised out. "Did you know about his competition with Big Mick?" I explained about the girls who went on the weekends away and that there had been a competition to see who could get with all of them first. I now knew what really bothered me. Mick had only been here two years. This was recent shit. And those girls, they were all young lasses, late teens/early twenties. Eddie was old enough to be their father. I could see the wheels turning, I just knew she was thinking back to her own fumble with him and that, suddenly, it wasn't such a happy memory anymore. I shouldn't be telling her this. It wasn't fair but who else could I talk to?

When I'd finished she was quiet for a few moments.

"You know, sometimes, when people think that life is over and they are never going to find love again, they do stuff, stupid stuff, that they wouldn't normally do. There's an emptiness that you'd do anything to fill but the more you try to, the worse it gets."

"We're not talking about Ed anymore are we?"

She snapped out of her reverie and laughed. "Don't know what you mean!"

"How are things with Mark?"

"Yeah, good. But they haven't always been. I've done things out of desperation I'm not proud of."

"One of them being Eddie?"

She laughed really loud this time before she remembered the kids were asleep and shushed herself. "Eddie's not desperation. I can't believe you turned him down!"

My turn to laugh. "Neither can I."

"What's still bothering you?"

"You are so easy to talk to. I feel like we've been friends forever. Everyone here, they are like family. I don't feel like I have ever lived anywhere else. I can't imagine ever not being here. It's home."

"And that's a bad thing because...?"

"I don't want to leave."

"Who mentioned leaving? Is that what you always do when things get tough? Run away?"

"Pretty much, yes." I confessed.

"Well, don't even think about it, lady! Do you know how hard it is to get a decent doctor down here?" We both started giggling and I reached a decision. It didn't matter how things went, I wasn't running and hiding this time. I reached another decision too.

"I'd better be going. Thanks for the tea, and the talk."

When we reached the door I gave her a big hug. The rate our bumps were growing I wouldn't be able to do that for much longer! She had a beautiful bump, just perfect, I was so jealous. Just wait, I was going to have one like that soon! "I meant it. Thank you, Tash. You are really, really wonderful."

"Bloody Hell, are you sure you haven't been on the margaritas?" She said to cover her embarrassment.

I drove away until I was out of sight and pulled over. I fished out my phone and looked at it. Anytime, he'd said. I shook my head and put it back in my handbag and was about to pull away when it rang. Big, Bad Handsome Man. I got it out again. It was a text.

'Can't sleep. You looked so beautiful tonight. Can't stop thinking about you.'

I rang his mobile.

"Are you at home?"

"Yes..."

I hit end call and drove off.

It was nearly two o'clock when I pulled up outside his. 'What are you doing?' my brain kept repeating but my body was already out of the car and nearly to the front door. I banged on the front door. "Eddie!" This was an interesting role reversal.

He opened the door with no shirt on.

Shit! I'd never thought. "Do you have company?"

"No!" He sounded hurt.

I looked at him and I was aware I was breathing a lot harder than a short walk from the car merited.

"Are you coming in?" He held the door open and there was just a lamp on in the living room. I hesitated and for a second sanity prevailed. I took a step back.

"Don't go!" He held his hand out. No watch. I took his hand and let him pull me inside. As he closed the door I backed him up against it.

"Not even going to go into the lounge?"

"No." And I shut him up by pressing my mouth over his. I didn't want to talk; I didn't want to hear that he loved me or that he was sorry; I didn't want to be grown up and civilised. I just wanted to wrestle him to the ground and fuck him. Hard. My hands were everywhere, just so greedy for him. Next thing I knew, without consulting my brain, my hands were tugging none too gently at his trousers.

"Jesus Christ, Grace! Are you going to rape me in the doorway?"

"If I have to!"

The button finally gave. "Hoo-fucking-ray!"

I sank to my knees in front of him, hands and mouth busy, thinking to myself 'Come on, baby! Up, up, up! Up for momma. Yay. Come on, more.' Eddie was sighing and huffing and the sounds were driving me even crazier.

"Dress." He managed. "Dress!"

He wanted my dress off. Okay. I stood and he unzipped me before hustling me out of it. This was going to be fast and frantic. I'd forgotten about the fancy underwear I had on underneath until I heard Eddie inhale sharply.

"You went out dressed like that, looking like that, and you weren't intending to take anyone home?"

I couldn't face any more arguing. "Just shut the fuck up, Eddie. I didn't come here to hear you whine about how I choose to dress." I pressed up against him again and dug my nails into that fantastic bum. We were snogging and groping whilst he tried to kick his trousers off. Finally successful, he buried his face in my cleavage and tugged my knickers off.

"Do NOT rip those!" I snarled. He'd ruined more underwear that way!

He laughed and half lifted, half dragged me to the sofa.

"Here?" He panted.

"Anywhere! Just do it!" I snapped back.

He threw me down and then threw himself on top of me. He was as frantic as I was now. Hands, fingers clawing and scratching. Writhing and moaning. He started to work his way down. I grabbed his biceps.

"No!" I hissed at him.

"No?" he looked puzzled.

"No mouths, just...you!" I was going to explode! "Now!"

"Now?"

"Bloody Hell, is there an echo in here? You're a man, aren't you? Do it!" Getting really wound up now.

"Since when did you get so fucking bossy?"

"Since I started needing you so fucking badly! Oh for goodness sake!" I started to wriggle out from under him.

"Where do you think you're going?" He sounded alarmed.

I managed to get up and he made to follow me but I pushed him down and climbed on top of him.

"Oh!" He was happy again.

"Hold it still, baby."

He did and I sank onto him, taking all of him in. That huge cock, filling me, stretching me, driving me insane. "Oh Jesus, yes!" I breathed and closed my eyes. He felt so amazing. More than amazing.

"Are you alright? I'm not hurting you?"

I shook my head. "Oh Christ, Eddie, that feels so good."

He moved his hips slightly and my whole body tingled. "Is it the best?"

Well, you have to give the guy his due! "OH yes!"

I started to move on him. Ooooooh, this wasn't going to take long. He put his hand up to my face and I pressed my cheek against it. I opened my eyes and saw him lying there, looking so fine. His eyes met mine and held them, brown eyes watching me, burning my skin with their heat.

"Let me move round." He rasped. "Let me sit up."

I rose off him and stood whilst he sat so his head and arms were resting on the back of the sofa. He motioned for me to get on him again but I just stared at him. He was magnificent; that hairy, muscly body; that big, hard cock; those dark, dark eyes. I knelt over him and slowly lowered myself onto his waiting manhood. He put an arm around me and the other hand stroked the mounds of my breasts where they were nearly popping out of the lace. I put my arms over his shoulders and around his neck. Just above my left elbow I could see little bruises starting to form where he'd gripped my arm earlier. Eddie always left a mark; body or soul, he left bruises where he'd been.

Tentatively I ground on him and I could feel myself start to tremble. He still had that little scar on his shoulder where I had bitten him all that time ago. I bent my head down to kiss it. His hand moved to the back of my head and neck. I ground on him again, harder this time, and whimpered loudly. I was shaking noticeably now.

Eddie lifted his head off the seat back and whispered in my ear. "Can you do it? Can you come? Do you need to hurt me to do it?"

I slammed on to him aggressively and it was his turn to moan. The sound of his arousal, so guttural and raw, tipped me over and I began to thrust against him hard and fast. He held me and buried his face in my neck as I took him. I couldn't stop, instinct took over completely. I was fucking him; riding him like the dirty whore he was. He clutched me to him as my body bucked and jerked against his. I could hear a woman's voice crying his name; begging him; oh yes, Eddie, please Eddie, please. Yes.

It was over in seconds and I was exhausted. Still panting, I drew back a little so I could look at him. He had the biggest, smuggest smile but his breathing was still smooth and steady. The smile changed subtly; once so pleased with himself, it became more a case of now he was going to please himself. There was a 'hup!' as he flipped us over and once again I was lying underneath him. "My turn, I think!" and he pushed his hard cock back into me. Still holding me, he began to move, to claim me as his. He settled in to a steady rhythm, pounding me relentlessly. I watched him with his eyes closed, concentration etched on his face. This meant so much to him and yet all it would take was one little 'Ow' or a 'You're hurting me' and he would stop immediately. Eddie was a good boy now, he loved me and our bump, I shouldn't be using him like this. He was getting faster, panting and occasionally groaning gently, the lightest sheen of sweat on his chest. I put a hand on the back of his neck and held him. God, he was a beautiful thing! Could a man be beautiful? Thrusting faster still and exhaling with every push he continued on towards climax. Frenzied now, back and forth. "Mine, mine, mine..." getting louder and louder. "Mine! MINE!" He bellowed as he came. "Uh! Uh! Uh!"

Soft, little grunts as he throbbed inside me trying to give me everything he had. Without warning he became tearful. "You and the baby are okay, aren't you? I didn't hurt you? Please tell me I didn't hurt you."

"It's okay, Ed. We're fine, both of us are fine."

The look of relief on his face; and gratitude. He was so pathetically grateful for what just happened I felt like shit.

"You are staying, aren't you?"

"No. You said no strings."

"Please! You said you couldn't do no strings."

"I didn't think I could."

"Grace..." He started to say and then changed his mind. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Sunday?"

"No, Saturday. Ah! Can I see you today? I can work round whatever plans you have."

"I was looking at houses. I'd got a few appointments made."

"I could come with?"

"You want to help me find a house to raise your child in?"

"You already have a house, here with me. Don't do this."

"What about Sunday lunch? As friends." I offered.

He sighed. It was a sad, defeated sound. "What time?"

"Doesn't matter. Not too early, I'll be having a lie in, but just wander round when you are ready. I'll try to get food ready for one."

"Will you want me again? On Sunday?" I knew what he meant, what he was offering.

"Eddie, this was a one time thing. We are never going to be anything more than friends."

He nodded but I knew he didn't believe me.

# Chapter Thirty-Two

Saturday was frustrating. The houses were either unsuitable or overpriced. I think the real problem was I kept comparing them to Eddie's place and the main problem with that was that Eddie's place came with Eddie. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Remembering how good he felt inside me made me shift uncomfortably all day. I crawled into bed that night cranky and frustrated.

Sunday started earlier than anticipated. The doorbell woke me at eight o'clock. What the hell?! I opened the door to find Eddie stood there with a big smile and a carrier bag. He gave me a peck on the cheek. Chuffin' morning people!

"I was having a lie in." I am so not a morning person!

"That's okay, go back to bed and I'll set up for later." He thought for a second.

"No!" I knew what was coming next, "You can't join me!" I could see a carton of eggs in the top of the bag. Aw, bless him, he'd brought breakfast.

I couldn't go back to bed so I showered and dressed. The fantastic smell of a full English filled the flat. Eggs and bacon and hash browns, oh my! We were both stuffed so plans for Sunday lunch became plans for Sunday tea. Eddie had checked the closest multiplex times and wanted to see a film. We could see a film together as friends, couldn't we? When we got to the cinema Eddie suggested the romcom that was showing. I gave him my best 'you have to be kidding!' look and pointed to the shoot 'em up actioner. With a big, relieved smile he got the tickets. The movie was entertaining and we got to spend time together without having to talk to each other. Halfway through the film his hand found mine and held it. It felt strange and awkward but I didn't want to let go. In happier times I would have put his jacket over his lap and held something else just to tease him. In the darkness I could see him smile wistfully and I knew he was thinking the same thing.

The drive home was tense. I'd learnt a valuable lesson. I could never be on my own in a car with him again. It was a cruel psychological torture. I had to stare out of the window and bite my hand to stop myself from confessing how much I still desired him and from begging him to find somewhere quiet I could go down on him. So many happy associations with this pickup. That night, on his birthday, I was sure I'd conceived in this truck.

I think we were both relieved when we got back to the flat. The tension unfurled as he helped me get the food on. Dinner was good and Eddie was relaxed and charming. We enjoyed being together but there were definitely three of us present; me, Eddie and the elephant that was Eddie's past. It was well into evening and I wondered how to broach him going home. In the end I just bit the bullet and told him I was tired and he needed to leave.

"I could stay."

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"We've been through this. I'll see you to the car."

I was surprised when he went quietly. I'd been dreading more of a fight. When he climbed in the truck he wound the window down and I kissed his cheek.

"Can I still walk you round tomorrow?"

"If you must. Shouldn't you be working?"

"Not much on next week. I'm away the week after. Doing some work for a mate in Cornwall."

"So I will get some peace and quiet?."

He looked me straight in the eye. "I will win you back, you know that, don't you?"

"Good luck with that! See you tomorrow."

I watched him drive off and fought the impulse to run after him.

.

Just as he said, Eddie was on my doorstep at eight again on Monday morning. He walked me round, kissed my cheek and left. Same thing Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday, he brought sandwiches for lunch. Friday morning he didn't turn up. With a pang I wondered who he was with. With a bigger pang I realised it was none of my business. Marilyn said she needed a word but we were just so busy all day I didn't get chance. It was a short afternoon, just me and James in, and every time I tried to get out to desk someone turned up.

Time to head off to Janie's! Maybe I could catch Marilyn now? I walked out to reception. Marilyn was looking guilty. Eddie was probably picking her up again; any excuse to hang around the surgery. I stopped to say bye and I heard voices, Eddie and James in the kitchen.

M pulled an apologetic face.

'...talk to her, please!" That voice was Eddie's.

James sounded tired. "It's just a weekend."

"She's going back to him. I know it. I'm going to lose both of them. Please James. She listens to you."

"I can't!" Maybe getting a little irritated now.

"If you ask her not to go she won't. Make her see sense!"

"She's not the only one who needs to see sense!"

I glanced at Marilyn.

"When Eddie ran me home last night, I may have mentioned you were popping up to see Janie this weekend. Sorry."

I sighed. "It's okay." I would sort it. That explained the no show this morning. He probably hadn't been with another woman. I felt guilty and uncomfortable at the relief that flooded through me.

I walked into the kitchen. Eddie was seated at the table with his head in his hands and James was stood at the window. I deliberately walked to James and put a hand on his arm.

"Have a lovely weekend, James. Go home, relax and forget about this place for a while." I gave him a peck on the cheek and turned to face Eddie.

"Expertly dismissed," James sounded impressed.

"I'm just sorry you are caught in the crossfire. It's not your fight. Go home." I knew he wouldn't go further than reception but at least he wouldn't be in the room.

When he'd gone I looked at Eddie. I leant back against the worktop and folded my arms, mostly to avoid putting my hands round his throat.

"What the Hell do you think you are doing?"

He looked up and glared at me. His mouth was set in the stubborn, mulish line I recognised only too well.

"What I do; where I go; who I see, is no longer any concern of yours."

Brown eyes met mine and I could feel my body responding in ways I did not want it to. Say something, dammit.

"Look Eddie, I've had a hard time lately and I just want to see my friend; no worries, no pressure, just some laughs." I kept my voice quiet and reasonable, not easy.

"You're not going to see him?" How did he manage to pack so much accusation into one question?

"No!" I pulled out the chair opposite him and sank down with a sigh. "Is that what you think? Do you really think you meant so little to me that I could just skip off to someone else as soon as it's over?"

"It's not over." Stubborn and sulky.

"It is. I loved you. Heaven help me, I still love you."

He looked at me. Shit, I shouldn't have told him that.

"Then come home! Waking up in the morning without you...It's just..." He couldn't find the words but the pain on his face said it all.

I stood up and went to close the kitchen door. James and Marilyn were both stood at the desk with their coats. "Go home," and I closed the door. I never stopped to think how poor Marilyn was getting home. I guess James did the gentlemanly thing.

"Sit next to me."

"No." I took the seat opposite him again.

"Why do you do this? Why do you fight me?"

"You know why."

The silence was unbearable but neither of us knew what to say next.

"I don't suppose you would consider not going? You went anyway last time."

"We are not together, you don't have the right to even ask anymore."

"At least you're talking to me now. I s'pose I ought to be grateful for that."

I closed my eyes and fought the impulse to get up and walk out.

"You need to leave James out of this. It isn't fair on him."

"How can I? You worship the ground he walks on. He's the only person you bloody listen to!"

"Okay, I guess I asked for that. I'm going to make a drink and then I am going to sit here and listen to you. Do you want one?" What couldn't a brew fix? How very Yorkshire. How very working class.

"Tea, please."

I got up to fill the kettle and I could feel my hands shaking. As I washed the cups, Eddie got up to get the milk from the fridge. It was our routine, the habit holding even when the relationship wasn't. He plonked it on the worktop and stood next to me as we waited for the water to boil. I could feel him edging closer.

"Grace?" His fingertips touched my hand. Encouraged that I didn't jerk my hand away, Eddie edged closer still. I stared out of the window. I knew what he was up to but there were so many thoughts flying around in my head. He leant in and brushed my cheek with his lips. I closed my eyes and tilted my head towards him. He rubbed his nose against me and gave me a little push with it. "Please."

I looked at him. Cocky Eddie I could send packing; angry Eddie I could fight with; but Eddie unsure and hopeful brought me to my knees every time. A big, rough hand took mine and put it over his heart. Uncertainly, half expecting to be slapped away, he brushed my lips with his. When the slap didn't come he began to rub his face against mine. Soft fluttery kisses on my eyelids, my forehead, my jaw. Damn, the man had skills! Tentatively he let go of my hand. When I didn't remove it he gave an exhalation of relief. He licked his lips nervously and bent to kiss me again. After a few shy little half nuzzle half kisses he leant back. "I need you. Please come home."

"And I need to be able to rely on you." Not angry anymore, just wistful.

"You can. I am stupid and clumsy but I love you."

"Janie's going to freak if I cancel."

I could almost hear him, she's thinking about it, she's thinking about it. His arms started to move around me slowly, still not sure that he wasn't going to be suddenly pushed away. If I let him do this, if I let him hold me, I was lost: it would be just like last time. Man up, Grace! Show some back bone! He's playing you like a fiddle.

The kettle clicked off and I straightened. "Well, I said I'd listen and I am."

I reached for the cups and his hand grabbed mine and pulled it back. "Listen to your body. What's it saying?"

At that moment it wasn't saying anything; rather it was screaming and wailing for him like a demented thing. He put a hand behind my head and pulled me to him so he could kiss me in earnest. His mouth pulling at mine, his lips sucking at mine, arms tightening around me, lips pressing harder and then his tongue running along my lips, making them open for him. His tongue inside me now, circling, taking me. His whole body pressed tightly to mine, moving like we weren't fully clothed. Oh, we were going to have to stop this right now! I started to struggle and he relented.

"This isn't actually making anything better." I observed.

"Oh, I don't know, it's making me feel better."

"Talk."

He sat down and let me finish the drinks. When I was done I sat next to him. He gave me a half smile for my concession.

"Talk." I repeated. "All the stuff we've been politely skirting round all week."

"I'm gutted I missed your hospital appointment. Even if we hadn't fallen out about it, I want to be at every scan and every appointment with you and I'm devastated I missed it."

"Missing the appointment I could have dealt with. Missing it to be with her, not a chance."

"I didn't miss it to be with her. I just forgot." He took a deep breath. "I know everyone thinks she's a bitch but I loved her once and we had some good times together. It's no different to you and Aled."

"When Aled dumped me I wasn't so messed up that I developed a deathwish. I didn't turn to drink and drugs and sleeping around."

"No, but you ran off to the other end of the country."

"It's not the same and we are not talking about me."

"I'd gone to get some lunch and bumped into her. I just said hi and got a sandwich. When I walked out of the shop she was waiting and started chatting." I was stony faced but I was listening so he continued. "We started talking about the good times: despite the way it ended we did have some."

My phone suddenly started playing Starship's 'Jane'. Talk about timing! It was a text so I silenced it and then ignored it, it could keep. "Go on."

"Well, she was upset about some flat pack furniture that didn't want to go together properly."

"So you thought you'd go round to her house and help her?"

"Yes." At least that was sheepish. "She asked, I didn't offer."

"And you didn't politely decline either! After the Holy Hell you raised about Aled? You thought going round to her house, when you should have been with me, was a good idea?"

"I forgot."

"I tried to ring you."

"I know. When I checked my phone I saw the missed calls. I just don't know why I didn't hear it ring."

"Probably difficult with her legs over your ears." I muttered. It was a nasty thing to say and I wasn't sure why I had. I did believe him when he said nothing happened.

Eddie looked like I'd hit him. "I didn't...I would never..." He was visibly shaken.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." This was killing me. "I'm trying but I'm still hurting."

He ran a hand over his face. "I want to make things right again but I don't know how. The only thing I know for sure is that I will never stop trying. What do you want? You've listened to me, now talk to me. If this were a perfect world where would we be now?"

I knew the answer to that. "We'd be home. We'd be getting dinner ready and talking about our day. You'd be tired. We'd go to bed. I'd give you a back rub. We'd make love. We'd go to sleep. You would be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes in the morning."

"Every morning?" He kissed my fingers.

"Every morning." I felt sick with longing.

"Grace, we've tried splitting up before and it nearly finished us both. And we weren't engaged or expecting then. I don't think it's an option. You've said you love me and you want to be with me. Don't go to Yorkshire. Stay with me. Janie would understand." He thought about that a moment. "Possibly."

It had been a rough week, so close to him and yet not doing anything about it. He had every right to be angry about Friday night and the way I had used him yet he'd never said a word of rebuke or criticism. I was fifteen weeks gone. I was tired and heartbroken. I wanted to be curled up in bed with my man so badly I could taste it.

"I need to talk to someone."

"Talk to me, Grace."

"I can't move my stuff tonight."

A huge grin appeared on his face. "We can move it tomorrow, if you like."

"Janie is so going to kill me." Janie! I picked my phone up and opened the message.

'Ellie sent home with chicken pox. Don't come up. Ring me tonight." Why did it have to be chicken pox?

I showed it to Eddie. "Fate!" He shrugged. "You are meant to be with me. Come home."

"Okay. I will follow you." At that particular moment I believed I would, and into Hell if I had to, whatever dance he chose to lead me.

In the end I left my car at the practice and rode home with Eddie. I looked at him as he drove; he was quiet but smiling. What was I going to do with him? He could come home with my name tattooed on his chest and yet forget all about an important hospital appointment. He could be tearing his hair out about my ex one minute and then off round to his ex's house the next. The worst thing was, I was learning to live with it. He hurt me, I got over it, we carried on. Did that make me strong or weak? At that particular moment I didn't care. I was going to wake up tomorrow in bed with him and that was all that mattered.

When we got back to the cottage he told me to ring Janie and then disappeared into the bathroom. I decided that may be for once I could do as I was told.

"Hey Janie! How's Ellie?"

"Hi Grace. Spotty but feeling not too bad. Georgie is the one acting like he's dying. No doubt he will be spotty tomorrow! I'm really sorry about cancelling but with you being preggers and all. How are you?"

"Yeah, tired but good."

"How's the handsome but volatile ex-boyfriend? He is still ex, isn't he?"

"Ah!"

"Oh Grace!"

"It's complicated."

"No, advanced calculus is complicated."

"Well, we can't all be like you and Paul. Although come to think of it, you two are always scrapping."

She laughed. "We've just been together long enough to know the arguments don't mean anything. If we stopped fighting we'd probably stop making up too. You and Ed will get there, don't worry."

Suddenly not so sure I bit my lip. "Am I doing the right thing?"

"Are you kidding? I know I tease you about him but I have seen you together. You were made for each other. I know it seems to be constantly up and down but it's just because you are packing things into a matter of months that take other people years. You'd been with Aled years before you got married. Ed proposed after a few months. I've got to be honest, I think Eddie is a right handful, life with him is never going to be easy but I don't think you'd be happy with anyone else and I have no doubt whatsoever that he loves you. You want the highs, you have to live with the lows. Suck it up, sister!"

I laughed. "I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?"

"You are doing the only thing." There was a loud squawk in the background.

"Georgie?"

"Yeah. Hang on. Paul? Paul! Right, back again. Oooo, did I tell you, Mel's got top job at the midwife unit?"

"Fantastic. Who did she sleep with to get that?" It had been a running joke when we all worked together. If something good happened we'd always ask who we had to sleep with to get the same.

We chatted for a while and then it sounded like all her sprogs were playing up so we said goodbye. As I put the phone down I noticed Eddie stood in the doorway watching me. How long had he been there?

He smiled at me. "Where's your pod?"

I rummaged in my bag whilst he came and sat next to me. "Show me how to make a playlist."

He sat there for a few minutes then, satisfied, stood up and half dragged, half carried me into the bathroom.

"Oh Eddie!" The light was off but there were candles lit everywhere: the bath was full of bubbles and on the vanity unit was a small music dock that he plugged my player into and smoochy music started.

"You like?"

"Hell yes."

"Come on. Into the bath then."

I undressed and climbed in and then to my surprise, and delight, so did Ed. This was going to be a squeeze, Ed was 6'2" and I was no lightweight; just as well it was only half full! We sat facing with our legs wrapped around each other. He took my face in his hands and kissed me. I rubbed bubbles over his body. After a while strong arms went round me and pulled me tight against him. I started running my hands over his broad back. Oh yes, I wanted this! Eddie started laughing and I leant back.

"What?"

He had a handful of bubbles and flicked them at me.

"Oh, so that's how it is!" and I swiped foam back at him.

"You won't win," he warned.

"Sounds like a challenge."

"I know how you like one."

"Must be why I put up with you."

"Oooo, fighting talk!"

"Bring it on, if you're hard enough!"

A wall of soapy water hit me and when I'd got over the shock I leapt at him. Not an easy thing to do with my legs wedged between him and the bath but it was a valiant attempt. For a moment I seemed to be getting the upper hand but he was just messing with me. After a while he decided enough was enough and with seemingly no effort at all I was deposited back at my end of the bath and he was on top. First one hand then the other was pinned behind my back. It was embarrassing how easily he held them both with one of his. The tip of his nose was almost touching mine.

"Say sorry," he warned.

I shook my head.

The eyebrow came up; oooooh, I was for it now. "Be a good girl and say sorry," he spoke slowly and carefully. God, he was so thrilling when he was menacing!

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Make me!" I dared him. A stupid dare really, I knew he could make me do anything he wanted.

"Oh, I will!" His free hand started to do things and touch places that made me squirm beneath him. The amount of water on the bathroom floor reflected the respectable struggle I put up. Eddie was getting flushed and his eyes were bright. I carried on wriggling underneath him: I knew exactly what I was doing and it wasn't trying to get away. He was breathing faster now, ready and excited. He sat up and pulled me up with him.

"Sit on me." His request was simple, direct and very sexy.

Etta James began to croon that she'd rather go blind than watch him walk away and I couldn't have agreed more! In the bath it was cramped and awkward and impossible to do anything quickly. There wasn't room for limbs to go where they needed to and we fumbled and struggled to be with each other. Eventually the frustration built to the point where Eddie couldn't stand it any more. With a big sigh and a loud splash he span us over so he was stretched out and I was on top.

'...I just don't want to be free...' Oh, I hear that!

I managed to position myself and slowly sank down on to him. The delicious stretching within made me close my eyes until all of him was buried in me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I was getting a bit cold and shivery but I didn't care. I would have sat in a bath of ice cubes to be with him. The thought of ice cubes and what he liked to do with them made me smile. I rocked back and forth as much as I could, which wasn't much, but it didn't matter. This was so raw, so intimate, so real. He couldn't sit up but he pushed himself up with his arms so I could lean forward and kiss him. I held his face in my hands while my mouth made love to his. As the song came to an end the spell broke.

"You're getting cold," he said quietly. "Let's go to bed."

Carefully I got off him and out of the bath. I looked at all the bubbles and water on the floor. Any other time Eddie would have freaked. Gratefully, I wrapped myself in a towel. He joined me and we walked to the bedroom. He threw the cover back and then threw me on the bed. I liked this Eddie! He opened my towel and began to touch and stroke my body. There was no noise, just the sound of breathing; not like Eddie, not like either of us.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes." I was almost nervous, he made me feel like a virgin.

Carefully, gently, he pushed his big, hard manhood inside me. He felt so good I was almost beside myself.

"Is it okay? I'm not hurting you or the baby, am I?"

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. If I opened my mouth I was going to scream.

He put his arms round me, closed his eyes and began to move slowly back and forth, in and out, without a sound. Not his usual wild, passionate coupling, this was very deliberate, very controlled. This was his way of exerting control over me, showing me who was boss, taking me until I submitted to him completely. He'd done this once or twice before to me and I knew he would win. Every time he sank back into me I couldn't stifle a soft moan. Long, slow, exquisite torture. I would yield to him. I would howl and beg him for it; he could and would make me.

"Say you are sorry," a dark velvet voice sighed into my ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Eddie." It sounded like my voice but I didn't know I had spoken.

On and on, he took me until I thought I must surely scream or burst.

"Do you need me?" Hardly even breathing faster.

"Oh yes, I need you." Panting and whining for it.

"Show me how much." There was a subtle upwards shift in his position and he began to move faster inside me. I thought I was losing my mind. A familiar tingling started all over me. I was moving gently against him now, my body begging his for release from its frustration. Suddenly it hit me. Waves of pain like pleasure breaking over me. Eddie was moving faster still, caught up in his own need now. Soft grunts gave him away: the only noise he made with me that night.

I held him as he lay panting. I looked at my hands, one on the small of his back, one on his bum. I noticed the ring on my left hand. Blood and tears. It occurred to me that even when I had convinced myself it was over I had never taken his ring off.

"Tomorrow," a sleepy Eddie announced, "we are moving your things back in and you are never going to leave me again."

"I hope so baby, I hope so."

# Chapter Thirty-Three

Saturday morning and for once I was up first. When I woke up I lay there for a while watching him. If you put Eddie down on paper the result would be enough to send a sane woman screaming for the hills. The flesh and bone lying next to me was a different story altogether. Would I have loved him this much if I'd met him when I was younger? Would we have ever even got together or would I have been just one more name on his long list of casualties? He'd been a compulsively promiscuous brawler; an emotional retard with a drink and drug problem. He should be dead, or at least severely ravaged, but he wasn't. He could be insecure, demanding and difficult but he loved absolutely and with passion. Neither of us was perfect but we were perfect for each other. Please God, watch over my fallen angel and let his baby be alright. Tonight I was going to make a special dinner and tell him that junior was an Eddie Jr.

Dark eyelashes fluttered open, "Morning."

"Morning."

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Just looking at you."

"Why?"

"Because I like to. It makes me happy. Is that okay?"

"Fine by me!" He snuggled up and went back to sleep.

Eventually we had to get up, driven out of bed by hunger and the need to pee. After breakfast, I wanted to pop round to see Marilyn. She'd been such a rock and I wanted to say thank you. I knew she'd be worrying about what happened after she and James left work. Oh, I'd have to ring James too, that would be this afternoon's job. As far as they knew, I had gone to Yorkshire and Eddie was fuming alone at home. My car was still at the practice so after I'd rung to check she was in, Eddie dropped me off. She was waiting at the door in her bunny slippers! I still couldn't believe she was Eddie's mum. I knew she'd had him young but I swear she looked more like his big sister. Please, please, please, please let the baby inherit those genes from her! Is it abnormal to be close friends with your future mother-in-law? I'd liked Aled's mum but we'd never been close the way Mazza and I were. I couldn't have imagined going on a boozy night out with my former mother-in-law. She closed the door after me and we sat in the kitchen.

"I thought you were in Yorkshire this weekend. Don't say Eddie talked you out of it!"

"Not exactly. Janie's house is under quarantine. No expectant mums allowed."

"I take it that Eddie dropping you off this morning is a good sign?"

"Depends on your point of view but I think it's good. Just as well really. I'd hate to be one of those silly tarts who are always bothering you for sympathy."

Marilyn laughed and blushed. "I'm so sorry you heard all that. I was just so livid with him. I'd have ripped his head off if I could have got my hands on him."

"Surely there are no more skeletons?"

"I don't know, it's a bloody big cupboard!" She laughed and then realised what she had said and a look of horror swept across her face. That made me laugh even more.

We'd been laughing and joking about an hour when my phone went.

"Ooo, I like this song!" exclaimed my hostess.

Eddie's song. It was a text. 'Come home now. It's urgent. E.'

"That's odd!"

"What, dear?"

I showed her the message. "He knows I have no transport. What's so important he can't pick me up or ring?"

She shrugged. "I'll drive you.Come on."

Marilyn grabbed her keys, changed shoes and drove me back to Eddie's.

As we reached the house there was a small Fiat parked in front of it. In the few minutes since I got the text my mind had filled with all sorts of dark imaginings. We were both out of the car in an instant although I reached the front door ahead of her. I wished I hadn't as I bounced off it. It was locked. But the truck was still there! As I fumbled in my bag for the keys Marilyn banged on the door, "Eddie!"

The door was unlocked from the other side and a very guilty looking Eddie stood there.

"What's up?" I was frantic by now.

"Nothing. I thought you were at Mum's?"

"I'll bet you did!" Growled Marilyn. She'd seen something I hadn't. "Grace, love, get in the car."

"Why?"

A figure appeared at the door behind Eddie; a pudgy, middle aged, bottle blonde in what James would have referred to as sartorial disarray.

I didn't need an introduction to know that this was Angie. I froze.

"Car. Now." Snapped Marilyn and, like wading through treacle, I slowly turned and went back to her Focus. I'd only taken a few steps when I heard: "You stupid, stupid boy!" and a loud slap. I was almost to the car when I heard: "Oh please don't blame Eddie, he couldn't help himself!" followed by another loud slap and "I wish you were dead, you nasty trollop!"

I managed to get the car door open and inside before my legs gave way. I sat with my head down and both hands clamped over my mouth. Whether it was to stop me screaming or throwing up I couldn't have told you. Time seemed to slow and I could have sworn I heard a car headlight smash. It was ages before Marilyn opened the driver's door and got in. In reality, it was no more than the time that ten paces, and a kick at a Fiat, takes. I heard Eddie shouting and the car engine roar into life but it sounded far away, like a film on a television in another room. We were moving, reversing back up the track at speed. We hadn't got far up the road when I asked Marilyn to pull over, NOW! She did and I just managed to stagger out before I was violently sick. I was still clinging to the lamp post, heaving, when the black Hilux screamed to a halt behind us. The driver's door opened and I pushed off the lamp post and pretty much fell back into the Focus. I could hear Eddie shouting that it wasn't what it looked like as his mum drove off. Marilyn took me straight back to the flat and the pick up followed. She really was not someone you should ever underestimate. She swung the car to a stop in the staff car park so it was across the width of it. The passenger side was closest to the steps and the pick up couldn't get past. "Go inside. I will ring you later." As I stumbled up the steps and opened the front door I heard a car door open. Eddie must have tried to walk behind his mum's car and she slammed it in reverse and nearly ran him over. I could hear him yelp and swear as I closed the door. I slid to the floor behind the door; this was getting to be another habit since I had got mixed up with Eddie Langsett. I could hear the altercation outside. It never occurred to me that Marilyn knew language like that, even if what she was suggesting wasn't physically possible. To be fair, she did most of the shouting; Eddie largely confined himself to pleading with her to get out of his way. I crawled to the bedroom and lay curled up on the bed with my arms protectively over my bump. Eventually, it went quiet. I'm not sure how long I lay there but the phone went. It wasn't Eddie's song it was just my standard ringtone. I checked the screen, incoming call, Marilyn. I couldn't bear to speak to anyone so I let it ring and afterwards sent her a text letting her know I was okay and would call her that evening. I was so tired. It wasn't just the drama; although I loved being pregnant and had never felt so well, I wasn't sleeping properly at night. Maybe if I slept now when I woke up this would all be a bad dream. I switched my phone off and crawled under the cover.

.

It was six o'clock when I woke up. I was still devastated but, having had some quality sleep, I was dealing with it better. The bump and I needed food so first thing was to make something to eat. Next thing, I needed to ring Marilyn and see how she was. She was probably as upset and angry as I was. Tomorrow, I would trawl the estate agents again. Life would go on. Little Combe was home now and I was standing my ground.

I made a cheese toastie and was surprised to find that not only could I eat it but I was hungry and I enjoyed it. So, I made another. Better ring M. I switched my phone on. No texts or messages from Eddie. Perhaps he finally understood I just ignored or deleted them. A text from Janie though. Poor lass! I wondered how many of the kids were spotty and poorly now? I'd ring Marilyn first.

"Marilyn! How are you?"

"Murderous! How are you, sweetie?"

"I've just had about six hours sleep, some food and I'm feeling a lot better."

"Perhaps I should get some sleep? I'm still seething. Oh Grace, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to say anything; there is nothing for you to be sorry for."

"I didn't raise him to be such a piece of...of...pooh!"

Despite myself, I had to laugh. After the stream of expletives earlier she was back to her more restrained self. I determined to put a brave face on it. "It could be worse; I could have found out after we were married. I have a good job, I can afford to go it alone without worrying about if I can afford to buy nappies or food."

"You are not going it alone. I am with you. I think I might disown Eddie and adopt you!"

"I wish you were my mum. I wish it so much you have no idea." Both getting a bit tearful now, there was silence for a few moments.

"Can you believe he tried to say there was nothing going on?"

I didn't want this conversation right now but it was going to happen anyway. "So he reckoned she just magically appeared in his front room and her clothes just fell off of their own accord?"

"I was so cross I wasn't paying attention to the details. I'm so sorry."

I wasn't sure if she meant sorry for not paying attention or sorry for Eddie. "Well, better now than in a year's time. Fancy coming house hunting tomorrow?"

"Ooo yes."

We arranged that I would pick her up at ten. It would be nice to have company and even better with her knowledge of the area. We talked a bit longer, both now carefully avoiding any reference to Edward. When we rang off I opened Janie's text.

'Ring me as soon as you get this.'

Oh crap! The kids! In a panic I dialed her immediately.

"Janie, what's up? Are the kids okay?"

"Spotty but fine. It was you I was worried about."

Thrown for a moment, I wasn't sure what to say.

"I've just had a phone call." She prompted.

"Who from?"

"Eddie."

Oh crap! Again! "What did he want?"

"Me to talk to you."

"That's a new twist,"

"Isn't it just? Are you okay?"

"Not really. Did he say anything else?"

"I gather there have been issues with his ex. He wanted me to tell you it wasn't how it looked."

"Oh. It's so weird, hearing this from you."

"I'm as surprised as you, but he was so upset, by the time I worked out what had happened I was already feeling sorry for him. He says she set him up. He's very persuasive, isn't he? No wonder you keep taking him back."

"I'm such a mess, Janie. I don't know what to think. What do you think?"

"He says nothing happened. Do you believe him?"

"I'm not sure any more. I want to. Even if they weren't at it, she was still in his house, the door was still locked. I think she sent the text though."

"What text?"

I explained about the text to come home. I suspected she'd messed with his phone last time; he made it easy, always leaving it lying around. It didn't make sense to get me out of the way, invite her round and then summon me home. Especially since he knew the only way I could get there was a lift from his mum.

"She definitely sent it." Janie sounded sure. "Oh kiddo, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I really don't know." Ain't that the truth!

.

Sunday was sunny and warm; a lovely day in late May. I picked Marilyn up and we hit the estate agents in all the local towns. We got the details for about a dozen properties and then went to the Duck for something to eat. We spread the papers on the table and whittled them down to four which we then put in order of hopefulness. Top of the pile was a small cottage in Vencombe. It seemed pricey but Marilyn assured me Vencombe was where the money lived and it would hold its value. It would need to, I thought looking at the asking price. It was only two beds but it was right on the very limit of what I could stretch to. After lunch we did a drive by. It looked very promising indeed so we went back to the estate agent and made a viewing appointment. They made a provisional appointment for the following weekend. Throughout the day I periodically checked my phone. Nothing from Eddie. Nothing from James either which seemed odd. Then again I couldn't blame him if he was so fed up with the exhausting on/off situation that he probably wasn't speaking to either of us. A text from Tasha, asking how Yorkshire was, arrived at some point. I dropped Marilyn at hers and went back to the flat. Eddie's truck was parked, backed up against the steps. His window was down but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"We need to talk."

"No we don't. Move it."

"No!"

"Suit yourself." I walked past and when I couldn't get to the bottom step I climbed over the railing.

He was out of the truck now. "You shouldn't do that in your condition!"

"Oh fuck off, Eddie!" and because of how he had parked I was inside with the front door closed before he could reach me.

He banged on the door. "I am not going anywhere until you talk to me."

He was surprised when I opened the door. So was I. I looked him up and down and sighed. "We have nothing to talk about. The baby and I do not need this stress. Are you denying that she was in your house? Are you trying to tell me that your mother and I imagined it?"

He shook his head.

"You are too exhausting. Go away."

"At least hear me out!"

I leant against the door frame. "Okay."

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"No. Say your piece and leave."

"It wasn't how it looked."

"Yeah, I'm getting sick of hearing that. It looked like you got me out of the way and then invited her round for a quick shag. So tell me I'm wrong, tell me what you want me to believe and then go away."

"Why would I do that? I'd just spent the night with you. Why would I need anything more? She turned up not long after I got back from dropping you off. We just had a cup of tea and a chat. I didn't lock the door and I didn't send the text. I never touched her. I wouldn't. Not ever."

"But you invited her in, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I wanted to talk to her."

"But you knew that it would hurt me."

No answer was forthcoming.

I shrugged and tried to close the door but his foot was in the way. I resisted the temptation to slam it anyway.

"Move your foot."

"No. I'm sick of this. Just stop it. It's stupid." He was getting cross and frustrated.

"It's stupid? Or I'm stupid?"

For a second I thought he was going to tell me I was stupid. I really would have slammed the door then.

"I am supposed to be working away this week. I can't go with us like this."

"I'd rather you went. Getting a reputation for being unreliable as well won't help you."

"As well?" Then the penny dropped and he flushed with anger. "You are never going to let me forget my mistakes, are you? I've said I'm sorry until I'm blue in the face and I'm sick of it!"

"I don't care about the past, I care about the present, and the future. If talking to her is more important than keeping the faith with me then it's clear we don't have one."

"Maybe we don't." Mulish now.

"We definitely don't." Retaliation.

"Fine!" He snapped.

"Fine!" I snapped back.

"Fuck you too!"

That was a step too far. I kicked his shin and slammed the door shut. I stomped through to the little kitchen. When the cursing finished, there was the sound of heavy footsteps outside as Eddie thumped down the steps to his pickup. I saw him hesitate on the last step and then stamp back up. I carried on looking out of the window as I waited for the banging on the door that never came. He stomped back down again and stopped on the bottom step. I could see he was thinking about stomping back up again but then he cleared the railing, got back in the truck and was gone.

# Chapter Thirty-Four

Monday arrived with indecent haste. There was surprisingly little atmosphere given that Marilyn and I were upset, Roisin was hungover and then James was annoyed that no one had told him what was going on. Since Eddie had rung Janie, I was very surprised he hadn't rung James and I said as much. James replied that he was sick of Eddie leaning on him every time he was an idiot. I know Marilyn was cross with Eddie but it still didn't go down too well with her so they were a bit frosty with each other. If I was ever going to run, now would be the time!

Tuesday, Tasha wanted to organise another night out and I thought that was exactly what was needed. Tasha, bless her, still friends with everyone. Marilyn and James were friends again so I thought we could all go out together; anywhere but The Shack! By Thursday we had arranged that we were going to Clementine's for a meal on Friday. Work on Friday went smoothly. The whole week had been remarkably smooth. Without Eddie around it was easier not to think about him. Shame he didn't work away all the time.

I couldn't fasten my regular jeans up anymore so I did the trick with the elastic band and the button so I could still wear them. I was careful to wear a long tunic top so no one could see I wasn't zipped up! I was the last there despite living the closest. With Tasha and me being designated drivers the others were free to let their hair down a bit. Roisin, Marilyn and James were all well lubricated before we even reached the mains. It was a great evening. We laughed, some of us drank, and generally had a blast. We stayed til closing time and I ran a totally wasted James home.

"Come in?" He offered when I pulled up outside his apartment building.

I shook my head. It was late and I was tired.

"Please?" The evening's good humour had evaporated. "I don't want to be alone." He slurred. He was so sweet.

"I'll walk you up."

I had to help him from the car and put his arm over my shoulders to hold him up. When we got to his front door he was having major alcohol induced dyspraxia and eventually I took the key off him and opened the door myself. As the door swung open I realised that if James was alone, Raj wasn't here. Seemed he'd missed a few weekends lately. Oh poor James! I'd been so wrapped in my own problems, and keeping him out of them, and he'd never said he had problems of his own. I took him inside and put him to bed. As I undressed him and found him some pyjamas he kept repeating miserably that he wished he was straight. I kissed his forehead and told him not to be so daft; I wouldn't change a single thing about him, he was perfect as he was.

As I lay him down and pulled the duvet over him, he asked if he wasn't gay would I have married him? I laughed, kissed his forehead again and promised him sincerely that if he was straight I would have married him in a heartbeat. He said thank you in a small voice and just for a few seconds I saw the beautiful little boy he must have once been. I pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "I love you very much, James Quayle. Don't you ever forget that. I hope you are never in a situation where you need me to be there for you the way you have been for me; but if you are I won't let you down. I will always have your back. You have a family. You will always have Junior and me. I promise you that." I could feel myself filling up. Well, you sad, hormonal mare, I admonished myself. I kissed my finger tips and brushed them against James' cheek then I left.

.

Saturday and Sunday were quiet. Apart from the viewing I had nothing to do. The cottage in Vencombe was just out of this world. It was a converted farm building around a yard with a couple of others. Both the other conversions were owned by families with young children. The farm was a working farm. Mostly dairy but supplemented with holiday trade. As it turned out the farmer's wife was also expecting. What a fantastic place to grow up! The only fly in the ointment was the drainage. It was a septic tank rather than mains. I'd pretty much decided to make an offer before I left but I wanted James to look at it, just to be sure. I rang him and arranged to come back with him Thursday lunchtime.

I didn't hear from Eddie. I was surprised but relieved. Maybe he had stayed in Cornwall for the weekend?

The week dragged. I was so excited about the cottage. I was aware via Marilyn that Eddie was back but he made no attempt to contact me, nor I him. I'd obviously pissed him off so badly he didn't want me back anymore. Either that or Angie was such a dirty bitch he had decided he'd rather be with her. Who knew? Who cared? He was staying away from me and that was all I wanted. It still rankled though, that he would choose that well worn scrubber over me and our bump.

On Thursday, James and I went to Vencombe in separate cars. James had the afternoon off and I had home visits to do later. He was already there when I arrived and the farmer's young wife was very clearly taken with him. Well, he was good looking and charming; what wasn't to like? As she showed us round it was clear she thought that James was my baby's father and, being an imp and without actually lying, he encouraged her. You should have seen the look on her face when she found out that the cottage was just for me and the baby! She looked at him as if to say 'what sort of bastard doesn't want to live with the mother of his child?'

I could have told her what sort and I thought of Eddie. It was typical. I hadn't even put an offer in yet and James was already creating mischief.

He took the road south to Barnstable and I headed north back to Little Combe. The winding lane was narrow and very rural. These lanes had scared the daylights out of me when I first moved here, now they were just normal. I came to a long hill where the road curved gently to the left. The road was quiet and the only other vehicle was a delivery van behind me. Over the crest of the hill, round the corner, came a big wagon. I looked at it and thought 'this road isn't wide enough.'

I began to panic when he showed no signs of stopping. There were no passing places so I squeezed up against the wall, scraping my wing mirror against the stone behind the plants I was so close. The van behind also came to a halt. Oh God, he's not going to stop! Everything went in to slow motion. What to do? Sit still and brace for impact or try to get into the passenger seat? I stared at the wagon, willing it to stop. The driver had his head down. Was he asleep? At the last second I became calm and closed my eyes. There was an almighty scream of twisting and tearing metal as the lorry plowed into my Clio and scraped all down the side. The windscreen went with a bang! The force of the impact was such it drove my car into the wall and dragged it along. When we came to a stop both sides of my car were torn and all but missing; even if the doors had still been openable, I was wedged between the lorry and the wall. Shouldn't the airbag have gone off?

I sat, stunned, for what seemed like an eternity. Okay, get a grip? Am I hurt? Starting at my toes and working up I tried moving and wiggling everything. Yes, everything seemed to work and there was no immediate pain. The driver of the delivery van had got out and run up to see if he could help. He couldn't get to the lorry driver or me. I reached my bag and got my phone out. Hey! How about that? I had a good signal. I must have been a little dazed because my first call wasn't the emergency services, it was the practice.

"Hi Mazza. You'll have to cancel this afternoon's appointments. I've had a little accident. I'm stuck in my car." I explained what had happened whilst she went mental on the other end of the line.

"Have you rung the police?"

"I can't get out. I'm stuck." I stared through the shattered windscreen. Could I knock it through?

"You don't have to get out to ring them. Grace dear, you don't sound good. Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so. I'll ring the Fire Service now then, shall I?"

Yes, do that. I'll try to get hold of James."

"Ask him to bring a can opener." My attempt at humour fell flat.

I rang 999 and they were incredibly slick and professional and reassured me that police, fire and ambulance were on their way. The van drive had already called it in.

Call ended, I tried to pull myself together. The van driver was still hopping about. I took my seat belt off and carefully leaned over to move the passenger seat forward. I climbed into the back, relieved that everything still moved easily. I put the wider section of the back seat down and dealt with the parcel shelf. Now, how to open the boot from the inside? I shouted to the van driver to see if he could open it from outside. It had buckled and it took a good heave but it gave and opened enough for me to climb out. The van driver was pale and panicky. I could hear sirens already. Someone must have been close by. We were fifteen minutes from the nearest sizable town. I remembered the lorry driver and tried to get a look at him. He was slumped over the steering wheel and he wasn't moving but I couldn't get the door open to get to him. He looked blue and I suspected he had been the victim of a heart attack. I was still stood on the wagon's wheel when a police car pulled up on the Little Combe side of the accident.

"Grace?" A voice bellowed.

"Hey Phil!"

"Get down off there! You shouldn't be climbing in your condition!"

I shook my head to myself. "The lorry driver's in a bad way. I thought he might have fallen asleep at the wheel but looking at him now I think he's had a heart attack or a seizure."

"Ambulance and Fire Brigade are on their way. Are you okay? Get down!"

"A bit shaken but fine." I climbed down.

Another police car pulled up on our side of the accident. It was the inspector from the Golf Club. Well, isn't this cosy! We could have coffee and sandwiches and make a social event out of it.

"Dr O'Donnell, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm sorry I don't recall your name, Inspector."

"Mike Thomas. The Clio yours?" He eyed my completely trashed car and then noticed my bump. "That Langsett's?"

I put my hands on it protectively. "Yes and yes."

"Always was someone watching over that one."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that so I ignored it. I noticed one or two cars now queueing, stopped by the wreckage.

"Ambulance five minutes away, fire engine about ten!" Called Phil.

The Inspector raised a hand in recognition.

"Are you alright?" He asked me.

"I think so. I feel okay."

"Why don't you sit in the car?" He took me to the patrol car and let me sit in the back. The ambulance arrived and there was a queue of five or six cars in each direction. Another police car pulled up and the officers started turning cars round and redirecting them. On the other side of the obstruction I saw a black Hilux pull up and the door swing open. Oh shit! Eddie! That was all I needed! Who rang him? Marilyn or Phil? At least he was stuck on the other side of the crash. I watched him come running up, Phil pointed and he scrambled over the wreckage of my car. Damn! The inspector was shouting at him but he was too busy looking for me and panicking. The policeman took pity on Eddie and stopped yelling and pointed to the squad car. I would have pulled my legs in and closed the door except I wasn't sure if I could lock it. By the time I'd checked, Eddie had reached me anyway. He leant into the car and grabbed me in a suffocating bear hug. "Oh Grace," he kept repeating. The fire crew arrived and managed to open the lorry door. They were unbelievably quick! They made it all look so easy, like popping the lid off a pickle jar. The Inspector stood by the car watching. A paramedic walked over shaking his head. "Wagon driver's dead.'

"Car driver's pregnant. Seems okay. She's a doctor."

"They're the worst!" The paramedic said with a grin. "Come on, love. Let's have a look at you. How far along are you?"

"Eighteen weeks."

"What sort of doctoring do you do?"

"I'm a GP."

"You're fine, just a few cuts and bruises, but you could do with going to hospital. Don't want to take any chances with Junior, do we?"

I didn't even realise I had any injuries! I got out of the car. Eddie tried to put his arms round me but I pushed him off. That didn't go unnoticed by either the policeman or the paramedic. "You got someone who can take you?"

"I can." Eddie volunteered.

I must have looked doubtful because the paramedic said, "It's that or the ambulance and we will be carrying the lorry driver."

"Frankly, I'd rather ride with the corpse."

That raised a few eyebrows and visibly hurt Eddie. I regretted it immediately. "Sorry."

I looked round, how on earth was I going to get home? The Inspector and the paramedic diplomatically went to look at the lorry driver.

"Please don't be like that, Grace. Let me help. I need to help."

"I know. It was uncalled for. I am sorry."

"Will you let me take you to the hospital?"

I nodded.

He looked relieved.

"Eddie? Thank you, for coming to...you know...see if the baby's alright."

"And you. I had to know you were alright." He put an arm out to me again and this time I walked into it and hugged him back. Immediately there were two long, strong arms round me, holding me tight. I pressed my face against him and breathed the scent of his skin in. Make the most of it, Gracie, you never know if you will get to hold him again. I held him a little tighter and breathed him in a little deeper, trying to commit him to memory. I was aware Eddie was trying to maneuver me so he could kiss me and I let him. Oh, that felt good! He pulled away with a loud sniff. "Think I've cried more in the last six months than the rest of my life put together. What are you doing to me?"

"Ditto," was all I could manage. I couldn't let go of him; I wanted to but I couldn't.

"Ah! How are we going to get you to the pickup?" Eddie was looking at the wreckage blocking the road and at his Hilux on the other side. He steered me over to Inspector Thomas and they started discussing the logistics of getting me to hospital as if I wasn't standing with them. Eddie's grip eased and I slipped away. I walked past the firemen now milling around and climbed over the car. I was just climbing off the bonnet when two voices yelled in unison, "What the Hell are you doing?"

Safe on the other side, I just looked at them and shrugged. Inspector Thomas looked at me, then looked at Eddie then started to laugh. He shook his head and walked off muttering. I didn't catch what he said but I suspected it was to the effect that Eddie had met his match. Now on Phil's side of the accident, he collared me and gave me a lecture about crime scenes. It was hard to take him seriously, having seen him stoned, but I think I managed to look suitably chastened. There was paperwork, statements and getting my car removed to be sorted. The adrenaline was wearing off and I wanted to go home, wherever that was. Eddie scrambled over, followed by further expletives from both policemen.

Most of the cars had turned round so it looked like Eddie had just abandoned his vehicle half way down the road. He had an arm round my shoulders as we walked towards it.

"I don't want to go to hospital, Eddie. Just take me home."

"Mike said you need to go to hospital and that's where you are going." He was trying to be stern. "Then I'll take you home." Something about the soft tone he used rang alarm bells.

"My home, not yours." That came out more alarmed than I intended.

"Of course!" Eddie's smile faltered but he recovered. OMG, he had; for a moment he had thought I meant our home, his home. Oh, who knew where home was anymore? The ride to hospital was quiet. Eddie was concentrating on the road and I was concentrating on not fantasizing about Eddie. When we got to A&E I asked him to ring Marilyn and let her know the latest. He seemed pleased to have something to do. Thursday afternoons weren't peak time for accidents in Devon. There was just me, a boy who'd fallen off his bike (should have been in school anyway!) and an older guy who'd trapped his hand at work. I was seen in minutes. The house officer was a bit intimidated to be treating another doctor and wanted me to go round to the maternity department. I explained that I'd been a reg and I was 99.99% sure me and my unborn were fine. I was going home now, thank you, and if I should start to suspect anything was amiss I would be back quick smart. He agreed meekly; anything to get this slightly stroppy GP out of his cubicle. I bet his records would be littered with phrase like 'uncooperative' and 'bossy'. I was on my way out as Ed and James were on their way in.

"That was quick." Eddie sounded suspicious.

"Yup, I'm fine."

"Can I have a word?" James indicated Eddie should wait outside.

"Can I have a lift home?" I asked, lost without a car.

"Let Eddie drive you home."

"He only drives me crazy," I joked.

James gave me the stern eye. "I mean it. Let him drive you back to the flat and be gracious about it."

"Okay."

"Thank you. I'd rather not have to bang your heads together but I will if I have to. Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

He gave me a cuddle. "Are you okay? Really? Ed says your car is a write off and the lorry driver is dead. You haven't been here five minutes, how can they have examined you thoroughly?"

Given that James' favourite hobby was running tests on his friends, I had to smile. "I suspect the lorry driver was dead or dying before the crash. The sides of the Clio are done in but the impact didn't even trigger the airbags. It was more of a long, slow scrape than a fast crash."

He held my hand and walked me back out to where Eddie was waiting. He'd noticed we were holding hands and I could tell it hurt him so I let go.

"Can I drive you home? Back to the flat?" He asked forlornly.

"Yes please. That would be appreciated." I didn't have to see his face to know that James was smiling.

"Oh. Great. I'm parked over here. What are you doing, James?"

"Now I know everything is alright, I'm going to go and enjoy my afternoon off. What's left of it! See you tomorrow."

He ruffled my hair. He knew I hated that! He walked with us to the pickup and then on to where he had parked. Eddie opened the door for me and I hesitated.

"I don't bite."

"Technically, not true."

We both smiled and I climbed in.

It was another quiet ride back towards the practice. Occasionally one of us would say something but we each had our own thoughts. We pulled up on the front car park and I tuned to get out. A rough hand on my arm stopped me.

"Are we really over, you and me?"

"I think so, yes."

He looked stricken. "Can I still be part of your life?"

"I hope so. Don't do this, Ed."

"Don't do what?"

"Make me want you. Make me take you back just so you can break my heart again. Haven't you hurt me enough?"

Before he could answer my door flew open. "Oh Grace! You're okay! What happened?" and Marilyn pulled me from the truck for a hug. I glanced back and I could see he looked how I felt. I allowed myself to be led into the practice. Eddie didn't follow. He must have left. I sat in the kitchen and I wished I'd died in the crash.

# Chapter Thirty-Five

The days passed slowly and painfully. I'd taken off my ring and I wore it on a chain around my neck. I couldn't bring myself to give it back; it would have meant contacting Eddie, and the ring and the bump were all I had of him. Marilyn noted it's disappearance but said nothing. James asked and I told him. He didn't mention it again. My insurance had organised a hire car until an assessor could officially write my car off. It was awaiting inspection at the main dealer. At least I was mobile, not that I had anywhere to go, or would have wanted to anyway. I had my twenty week scan to look forward to. I held on to that. Not long to go.

.

Monday of my twentieth week arrived. The hospital rang and booked me in for Friday. For the first time in over a week I managed a smile. I checked the appointment book. Both Tasha and James had patients booked in all day Friday and I knew Marilyn was working. It looked like I would be going on my own. I asked Roisin to cancel my book between ten and half past one. She looked concerned but said nothing.

At lunchtime James brought me a sandwich. I'd taken to staying in my room at lunchtime. I couldn't face company.

"What are you going to do about the scan and Eddie?" Why was I even surprised he already knew about the appointment?

"I don't know, James. I know the reasonable, grown up thing to do would be to ask him but I don't even want to be in the same room as him. I don't want to give him an entry point back into my life."

"You still love him."

I had no answer to that; I did, with all my heart, but my pride wouldn't let me admit it even to James.

"He's still the father."

No smart reply for that either. Why did he have to be so bloody sensible?

He took a big breath and I knew he was about to say something I wouldn't like.

"At the risk of incurring the wrath of hurricane O'Donnell; Grace, you are not being terribly reasonable. What? Are you thinking that you can deny Eddie a role in his child's life?"

"No. And I know you're right. It's just..."

"He's been an arsehole? Well, welcome to the real world. Men are sometimes complete tossers. And women can sometimes be bitches. The bottom line is Eddie loves you to distraction and this is crucifying him."

"You think I'm being a bitch?"

I could see him considering his words. "I think you are over reacting." He watched carefully for my reaction and when I took it well he continued. "If Eddie says nothing happened and there was nothing in it, I believe him. He's daft but guileless; ask him a straight question, you'll get a straight answer. Grace, you love him. Don't you?"

I knew I couldn't answer that without crying. "It was the only thing I asked of him." Even to my own ears I sounded whiny. "I didn't expect him to blank her in the street. I was comfortable with polite 'hello, how are you?'s as long as he didn't really care how she was. I just asked him to stay away from her in the same way he expected me to keep my distance from my ex. What do you think he would have done if I'd stood him up to be with Aled?" Despite my best efforts I am now sniffling. "Am I really being so unreasonable?"

Having said what he needed to say James was being comforting again. He crossed the room and gave me a bear hug. "I think he'd have put Aled in hospital! No, I know he's been asking for trouble. Again. But I just see my two best friends tearing each other apart and suffering and I feel helpless. I love you both and I can't bear to see either of you like this."

"Would you be baby's guardian?"

James was momentarily thrown by the change of direction. "Guardian?"

"Yes. Or Godparent? You know."

Although he was concerned and a little cross, I could see that melting away and a big, cheesy grin forming.

"Are you sure?" What would he do if I said 'no'?

"Can't think of anyone better. You are kind, loving, loyal and sensible. You are a fantastic role model. I would love for my child to grow up like you."

James' turn to fill up.

"Think about it." I kissed his cheek. "I'll go and ring Eddie. Invite him to the scan. Must do what Uncle James tells me!" I teased.

James just nodded, not able to speak yet.

.

Back in my room I took my phone from my bag. Eddie. Come on, girl. You've got to do this. James was right even if, at this moment, I could cheerfully cut Ed out of my life forever. I really couldn't face talking to him. Text, send him a text.

'20 week scan @ infirmary, friday at 11am. If you're interested.' The last bit was added as an after thought. Maybe he had plans with bitch-troll.

Within seconds my phone rang 'Big Bad Handsome Man'. I wondered if there was a ringtone 'I hate you and wish you'd just piss off out of my life'? Probably, somewhere.

"Hello?" That sounded frostier than I meant it to.

"Hi. I got your text."

Well, duh!

For a moment neither of us could think of anything to say.

"You going then?"

"Yes." He paused, "If you want."

"Since when did you care what I want? It's entirely up to you. I was just trying to be civilised." I took a deep breath to calm down. "I was just letting you know. If you want to be there, fine. If you don't, that's fine too."

"I want to be there." Why didn't he fight back? It was so much easier to hate him when he fought back.

Again there was an awkward silence.

"Shall I pick you up?" He asked hopefully.

"No."

"Oh. Okay. Meet you there, then?"

"Yes. You know where you are going?"

"Yes. Grace?"

I didn't answer him. I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want to hear it.

"I love you. Please come home. I know you still love me."

I closed my eyes and said carefully, "I will see you on Friday." I managed not to add 'assuming you're not busy.'

"Can I see you tonight?"

"No."

"Please Grace? You have to talk to me."

"No, I don't. I don't HAVE to do anything. If it were just me I would be happy to never set eyes on you again. But as James pointed out, you're the father and you have rights."

"I don't want my rights. I want my family."

Oh God, this was why I didn't want to talk to him.

"I will see you on Friday." I hung up. I looked at my hands and they were shaking. Sitting at the computer I sent James an instant.

'Ed says he wants to go to scan. Meeting him there. Happy now?'

After a moment or two, he replied,

'It's a start.'

.

Friday morning arrived like any other. I started at eight and finished at ten. After my last patient had gone there was an instant from Marilyn.

'Am I OK to pop in for a word?'

'Sure.' Like James, she was torn between me and Eddie. It was a rock and a hard place kind of situation for her. She tried not to take sides. If Eddie was as much like his dad as everyone reckoned, had she been through all this with him? I wished I'd met him.

The door opened and she did her little sideways bob in the doorway. I found myself smiling at her. I may not think much of my baby's father but his grandma was turning out to be a diamond. Marilyn closed the door behind her and took a seat.

"Scan today, isn't it?"

"Yeah, at eleven."

"I hope you don't mind, could you bring me back a picture?"

"Of course!" I'd been going to do that anyway.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No."

She looked a little disappointed so I explained. "I would have appreciated the company but I'm meeting Eddie there and I don't think you need to watch us fight."

"Maybe you won't?"

"Maybe."

She sat there, fidgeting.

I sighed, "Out with it!"

"He looks dreadful. I understand, I really do, I hate that stupid cow. She screwed his life up once and now she's doing it again. I'm so frightened for him, Grace. I'm not sure I can go through all that again. Please, be kind to him."

"I will try." I said sincerely.

"Don't you still love him?" It was a desperate plea.

"I do. I always will." I could admit that to her but no one else, not even James. "He's not someone I will ever get over but I can't be with him. He goes mental if I talk to my ex on the phone and then he's round at his ex's house when he's told me he will be working. He..." I stopped. Re-hashing old grievances would get me nowhere. "I'd better go. Don't want to be panicking about parking."

"Alright, my Dear. Hope everything goes smoothly."

I had to laugh, "With the scan or Eddie?"

She laughed too, "Both!"

.

It was a good thing I set off early. It took me ten minutes to find a parking spot. Finally parked up, I got a ticket and put it on the dash before wandering off to the maternity department. I didn't see Eddie's pickup anywhere. Perhaps the fucking whore needed more cupboards putting up? Who cared? I strolled into the department and recognised the girl on desk from my Saturday visit last year.

"Grace, right?" She remembered me.

"Yes, Carol?"

"Yes." She smiled broadly. Everyone likes to be remembered. "Your husband's already here."

"I doubt that." For a moment I thought she was talking about Aled. Carol gave me a strange look and pointed at the seats to the right of reception. Sat there, with his head in his hands, was Eddie.

"Oh him."

Carol gave me an even more concerned look.

"Long story."

"OK. I won't ask. Take a seat. The sonographer is on time today."

I walked over. "Eddie." It was all I could bring myself to say.

He stood up. Jesus Christ! Marilyn wasn't kidding. He'd aged visibly. Blessed with his mother youthful genes he'd always looked a good ten years younger than he was. Now he looked about ten years older. There were big dark circles under his eyes and he looked gaunt. He looked like what he was; a sad middle aged man in baggy combat trousers and my favourite navy blue sweater. The shock took my breath away.

"Grace." He stepped forwards to hug me and I stepped backwards so he couldn't. He looked hurt. Once again neither of us knew what to say. He sat down and indicated the seat next to him. I resisted the temptation to pick it up and take it somewhere else. Stiffly I sat next to him.

"Please, Grace." It was barely a whisper and then he put his head in his hands again.

Thankfully we didn't have to wait long. The sonographer was a very petite red head with a ready smile and her work cut out. She looked from me to Eddie and decided it was better just to get on with it.

"Doctor O'Donnell?"

I stood up.

"Weren't you here last year, on the other side of the fence, so to speak?"

"Yes, that was me. Didn't think I'd be back here as a patient."

Eddie stood but I didn't bother to introduce him and we all trooped through to the scan room.

I got settled on the table and Eddie took the chair next to it. A bit of clothing readjustment and some gel that I was sure she'd kept in the freezer and we were good to go. Red started the scan.

"Do you know what you're having?"

"Yeah, I had a CVS, my age. It's a boy."

Eddie's head shot up, "You didn't tell me."

"I didn't tell anyone and you didn't ask." I threw back at him. I could see the sonographer's eyes widen and she put her head down, not wishing to get involved in our domestic spat. She was very thorough.

"Have you felt him moving yet?"

"At least a couple of weeks. At first just butterflies but now he's either a boxer or a footballer!"

Eddie mentioned the crash. I could have slapped him.

Every bit of the baby was checked, measured and okayed. She had a big smile when she'd finished. "Seems like a normal healthy little boy." Relief all round. "Would you like pictures?"

"Could I have four please?"

"Sure." She moved the scanner head around to take some snapshots. Eddie had been staring silently at the screen, mesmerised by the images of his unborn child. It occurred to me he probably hadn't seen one before; a strange mix of pride and sorrow burned in his eyes.

She passed me some tissue to mop up the ultrasound gel.

"I really need to wee!" Full bladder, cold gel!

She laughed. "Of course, just down past reception."

I trotted off.

As I passed the desk, Carol looked up and raised an eyebrow. I smiled and nodded but couldn't stop.

When I came back Red and Eddie were in the waiting room chatting. I took the prints and thanked her before we left. In the car park I still couldn't see Eddie's truck.

"Where are you parked?"

"In the overflow car park."

"Oh."

"I'll walk you to your car."

I was too tired to argue with him. We walked in silence. It was awkward when we reached the rental car. God, Eddie looked old. I remembered I was still clutching the scan pictures. One for me, one for Marilyn, one for James. I fished one out and held it towards Eddie. For a second he looked at it as if he expected it to bite him. Then he took it and his face crumpled. No! Not here in the middle of the car park! He stepped towards me and I couldn't move away because of the car. He seemed to be trying to mould himself around me, pressing me against the car. An arm went over my shoulder and around the back of my neck whilst he buried his face in my hair and started to sob quietly.

"Eddie, stop it!" but I didn't think he could. Slowly I put my arms around him. I didn't want to but I couldn't help myself either. They just seemed to naturally want to be around him. It felt so good to hold him, even if was for all the wrong reasons. What was I doing, thinking I could live without him? This was my man and he belonged in my arms. The sobbing had eased to an occasional sniffle. I felt my arms involuntarily tighten around him. I'd been so lost without him, so empty. Don't let him go this time Gracie; for God's sake, don't let him go!

"I love you." It was the sound of a sad broken thing, and it was my fault. No, it wasn't. He did the only thing I'd ever asked him not to. He knew he was crossing the line. He knew he was breaking my heart.

"Eddie, don't." Was all I could say.

"I love you." He repeated. "Grace, please, come home. Do I have to get down on my knees and beg? Because I will, if you want."

I knew he would and I didn't want. I never wanted to see Eddie on his knees.

It was probably due to the stress but suddenly the baby started to kick. I tensed.

"Grace?" Eddie lifted his head away concerned.

I took his hand and put it where junior had kicked last.

"Can you feel that?"

I could feel squirmy movements but Eddie couldn't until after a few moments, when Junior was aiming for goal again. Whallop!

Tears momentarily forgotten, Eddie laughed out loud. "Oh my God! The little thug!"

He looked at his hand on my belly and then at me. His brilliant smile faded.

"Please. I need my family back. Please, please Grace. Come home."

I don't know what possessed me; until those images on the monitor, I'd never wanted to see him again; I put a hand behind his head and pulled his mouth to mine. All the lonely weeks of pent up longing and frustration went into that kiss. There was so much electricity I half expected car headlights to start popping around us. I didn't care that we were in the middle of a public car park. I didn't care that people were probably looking at us and thinking 'get a hotel room'. I kissed him for all I was worth, deeply, passionately and he responded with everything he had. When we finally stopped he rested his face against my head whilst we both got our breath back.

"You can't kiss me like that and then expect me to believe it's over. I won't accept it. I can't."

"I'm so confused."

"We love each other and we're having a baby. What is there to be confused about?"

"I can't take you back."

"Why not?"

"I won't give you the chance to betray me again." I was starting to remember why I was so angry with him.

"Betray?"

"Yes! Betray! Twice! I only asked the same of you that you did of me. Be polite to your ex but stay away." All good feelings forgotten now, I was working up to shouting. "And what did you do? Not only did you go round to her house to 'do some jobs' for her but you left me at hospital waiting for you like a prize idiot while you were at it! Not content with that humiliation, I step out to see your mum for an hour and the bitch is in your house and out of her clothes!"

"Nothing happened."

"I don't bloody care! She shouldn't have been there at all." I was yelling at him now. Other people in the car park were either putting their heads down and scurrying past or staring openly.

"I wouldn't have been unfaithful. If she'd come on to me I would have left or thrown her out. I just felt sorry for her. One minute she's telling me how pleased she is for me the next..."

"Yes, we all know about 'the next'! And how would you feel, if I'd left you alone to spend time with Aled when I'd promised you I wouldn't see him? If you'd come home to find him down to his trolleys in the living room? Would you believe me if I said 'nothing happened'? Would you care why I chose to be with him not you?"

"I'd kill him, or me." He started to crumple again. Oh bastard! I grabbed him and kissed him again. I didn't know what else to do. As much as I thought I hated him, I couldn't bear to see him like this. I remembered a kiss up against his pickup in a car park not long after I met him. It seemed like a life time ago.

I broke from him. "I have to go!" and I fumbled for the door handle.

"Don't! Stay with me. Even if you are angry and shouting; at least you are with me and communicating."

"I'm going. Step away. I will call you tonight."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes."

"Can I see you tonight? Please?"

"I don't know. Let me think. I will call you, I promise."

He sensed that was as much as he was going to get from me and stood back with his hands thrust deep in his pockets. He stayed that way and watched me as I got in the car and drove off. I looked at him in the rear view mirror. Shit! This was why I hadn't wanted to ever see him again.

# Chapter Thirty-Six

I had an afternoon surgery booked in so I was going to go straight back to the practice until I had an idea. I pulled over and rang up. Roisin answered.

"Hi Rois, I'm going to the sandwich shop. Anybody want anything?"

"Ooo, I'll ask."

"Just text me the order. I won't get there for another ten minutes."

"Right-o. How did the scan go?"

"Oh fine. Yeah, everything's good."

"And Eddie? Is everything good with Eddie?"

I didn't know what to say. Suddenly, I wasn't certain about anything anymore. He'd felt so amazing, so right. "Just text me the order. See you soon." I rang off.

The text arrived just as I was walking into the Duck. Once I was loaded up with sandwiches and crisps I went back to the practice.

"Hey!" I greeted Roisin and Marilyn as I walked in.

"How did it go?" M was buzzing.

I nodded, "Okay. I'll just put these in the kitchen then I have something for you."

After I'd off loaded the lunch I found the photo's and took one back to Marilyn.

"There you go!"

"Oh wow. Thank you."

She studied the grainy picture. "Do you know...?" She looked up hopefully.

"A little boy. A mini Eddie."

Her eyes started to glisten. Was this national 'make someone cry' day?

"If I was out of order earlier..." Roisin began.

"No, you weren't." I assured her with a big smile. "It's just I'm not really sure how things are with Eddie any more. It's not something I can explain."

"Did you two have a chance to talk?" Marilyn sounded hopeful.

"A bit. Not much. I said I'd call him tonight."

"At least you don't sound like you want to stab him any more." Thank you Roisin, my little ray of sunshine.

"Might be a girl, you know. They do get these things wrong sometimes," she continued.

"No. Definitely a boy." They didn't need to know that I'd known for weeks.

"That obvious? Hung like his dad?"

"Roisin!" Marilyn was shocked. "And what would you know about my Eddie's tackle anyway?"

I put my hand over my face to try to stop myself giggling.

"Just rumours." Rois sounded defensive.

"What rumours?" demanded Marilyn.

The junior receptionist looked at me for help but I just raised my hands in surrender, "Don't involve me in this."

"Well, it's not like he hasn't shown it to enough women!"

"Roisin Taylor! What a thing to say!" Marilyn was trying to sound shocked and not really succeeding.

Roisin just gave her a look and Marilyn conceded the point. She looked apologetically at me, "Of course that's all in the past. He's not like that anymore."

I thought about the Eddie I had kissed and then left in the hospital car park. The longing was unbearable. "I think I'd better go and eat my lunch. Fancy a brew?"

They both nodded and I went to put the kettle on. As I walked away I could hear Marilyn hiss at Roisin, "What a stupid thing to say!"

"She's cool with his past, it's his present that's the problem. What was he thinking?" She hissed back.

"He obviously wasn't bloody thinking!"

I left Laurel and Hardy to it and closed the kitchen door.

.

I half heartedly picked at my sandwich. I felt sick and it was nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with his father. I thought I'd gone cold turkey and beaten my Eddie habit but I was wrong. He was right. I still loved him, desperately, and I couldn't have kissed him like that if I was truly over him. I got my phone out and stared at it. I opened 'texts' and selected Eddie's number.

'I miss you.' Send. Shit, Grace, what are you doing?

Almost immediately, my phone played Eddie's tune. A text.

'Where are you?'

'Work.'

'Two minutes away.'

I wrapped my sandwich back up and sat clutching my coffee. I'd only taken a few sips when the front door sounded like someone had ripped it off its hinges.

"Mum."

"Eddie?"

"Where's Grace?"

"Kitchen."

"Eddie? Eddie!"

The kitchen door flew open and Eddie stormed in. I swung round on the chair ready to get up but before I could he was on his knees and wrapped around me, face buried in my neck. I put my arms around him and clung to him with my eyes closed. When I opened them again I saw Marilyn closing the door. Eventually he drew back. "There are three other little words I need to hear you say. Please."

"I love you. And I have three more little words for you."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Kiss me again."

"Oh, I can do that!" He kissed me and it was even better than it had been at the hospital. Everywhere his skin touched mine I burned. When he stopped I gasped.

"Come home, Grace, please." His eyes were imploring me.

"Let's talk about it tonight." Don't stop kissing me! Kiss me again!

"Let's talk about it now then tonight we can move your stuff back in."

"Eddie..."

"I know. You're confused. Except you're not. I know you love me. You've admitted it; and that you miss me. We belong together. For the love of God, Grace, please come home."

"I was going to say why don't you have a seat."

"Oh. Okay." He looked a bit sheepish as he moved a chair next to me.

"Do you understand why I had to leave?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry."

"We have to get it right, now, or we have to call it quits. When the baby is here if I catch you sniffing around your ex again we will disappear out of your life forever. Do you understand that?"

"I wasn't sniffing round her. She's rather sad and pathetic; she's really screwed her life up and I felt sorry for her. No one cares about her." Well, that was hardly a surprise! She and Parker deserved each other.

I held my hand up. "If you hear a dripping noise, it's my heart bleeding for her. Oh wait! Silence! You had no sympathy for Aled, you have no right to expect me to have any sympathy for her. If we are going to even consider getting back together, you have to promise that in future you will stop and think 'if it was Grace and Aled how would I feel about this.' If the answer is 'not good' then don't fucking do it!"

"I promise, I swear."

"Because if you do anything like this to me again we will be off up that motorway and back to Aled before you can say 'I hope she was worth losing your family for.' Is that clear enough for you?"

He was speechless but managed to nod. Eventually he stuttered,"Would you really go back to him?"

"Yes. He's already offered to raise the baby as his own."

Eddie went very pale. "No!"

"It isn't what I want either so don't force me to go."

"I won't."

"It's not supposed to be like this. We're supposed to be all soft and making up; not getting angry with each other."

"It's what people do when someone they love hurts them. At least we're talking now. As long as we keep talking the angry words will go away and the loving ones will come back."

The suffocating anger drained from me. "I do love you. I love you so much. But you hurt me more than I have the words to say. You can't imagine."

"I think I can."

I believed that maybe he could. I took his head in my hands and pulled him to me so I could kiss him slowly and deeply. We must have sat there like that for half an hour. My lips were getting sore and I wished he'd had a shave but I didn't ever want to stop that gorgeous mouth. A knock at the door brought us back to the real world. It opened a fraction and Marilyn peeped round. "Could we get our sandwiches please?"

"Sorry! Of course."

We sat back and she came in. I saw her glance at Eddie who was sitting there, flushed and smiling. Through the open door I saw James and Roisin trying to sneak a peek.

"My turn to walk you to the car." I told Eddie.

His face said he didn't want to go but I stood up and it was clear he was going. Roisin and James must have felt it was safe to come in to the kitchen now.

As we walked out I saw the questioning look James gave him and the goofy grin Eddie gave back. When we got to the door we could see it had started to rain.

"Stay here. No point both of us getting wet."

I took both his hands and pulled them around me. We kissed again and, careful to keep it out of sight of anyone in the kitchen, I slid a hand down over his package. Immediately he shook his head.

No? I mouthed with surprise.

He leaned round to whisper in my ear. "You don't get any of that until we are married."

"Pardon?"

I could feel him smiling. "You have your rules, I have mine. My rule is you can't have me until after we are wed."

"What if I move back in?" I whispered back.

"Oh, you are moving back in, and tonight. We are not making love until we are man and wife."

"What if I move back in and we arrange the wedding?"

He waggled his left ring finger at me. "Not until I have a wedding band on it. No cock for anyone but my wife. And no wise cracks."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Are you alright?"

I opened them. "Yes. It's just this morning I never wanted to even speak to you again and less than two hours later I can't get you up the aisle quickly enough. I'm struggling to understand how it happened, what changed?"

"Nothing changed. You just stopped being mad at me for long enough to remember how much you still loved me." How could someone so emotionally savvy be such an idiot sometimes?

"You're so smug." I teased him.

"No. I'm just so relieved. I really thought I'd lost you. I was struggling to carry on." He wasn't teasing. I looked at him, really looked at him. There were still dark circles under his eyes and he still looked ill but he looked peaceful.

"Do you have plans for this afternoon?"

"No. I can't bring myself to do much since you left."

"I could give you my key. Why don't you take my things home, make a few inquiries at the Registry Office and tonight I will see if I can't get you to break your rule?"

Eddie smiled and it lit up the room. He suddenly seemed younger again. "I hope your wedding outfit is ready to go."

"What do you mean?"

"I never cancelled the hotel booking. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was all I was clinging to. The wedding is still on for tomorrow, if you meant it about still wanting me."

"Well, you arrogant, presumptuous piece of work! I meant it absolutely."

"Good. That means we only have to wait one night."

"We'll see about that." I was going to have him tonight

"No, we won't." He sounded pretty sure I wasn't.

He let go of me and went back to the kitchen. People stopped chewing and looked at him. "Hope nobody has made any plans for tomorrow. The wedding is back on."

The first to recover enough to speak was Roisin. "Bloody Hell, you work fast!"

Then Marilyn started squealing and knocked her chair over in her rush to get to him and fling her arms around him. She just kept repeating his name and hugging him. I wanted her to let him go so I could kiss him again. Nah, let her have her moment. I had the rest of my life to kiss him; I could wait a few minutes longer. Marilyn wasn't going to let her boy go so James just shook his hand and smiled at me. "Happy now!" he mouthed to me.

.

About halfway through the afternoon I got incredibly tired. Since I'd been expecting I'd found afternoons difficult and what with the morning's emotionally draining events, I could barely keep my eyes open.

'Any chance of a drink?' I messaged reception. I wouldn't normally ask, I thought it was a bit cheeky, but I was in dire need.

In between patients, Marilyn bobbed in with a cup of decaff.

"How you doing?"

"Shattered." I confessed.

"Been quite a day for you. I'm not surprised. Can I just say something?"

I had to smile; as if I could stop her. "Have a seat."

"Is this what you really want?" She sounded genuinely concerned.

I was not sure what she meant. "A coffee?"

"Marrying Eddie."

I must have looked shocked. "Don't you want me to?"

"No, no, no! I didn't mean it like that. It's what we all want but don't let us railroad you into it. I know how happy you make my Eddie but does he make you happy? Really? He means well, I think I've raised him to be a good person, but he's so like his dad. He is always going to be clumsy with you. He loves you more than anything but life with a Langsett man is a rollercoaster. Don't marry him because you think you ought to; or because you're having his baby; or because you think we all expect you to. Marry him because it's what you really, truly want."

"I'm marrying him because I just can't contemplate life without him. Marilyn, I just don't have the words to tell you how much I love Eddie." I started to cry. "I don't want to be here. I want to be with Eddie. I just want to be holding him. I do want to marry him, I do. I've been so stupid. I nearly lost him because of my stupid pride. I love him so much, how could I hurt him? Do you think he'll ever really forgive me?"

"Go home to him. Now." She spoke quietly.

"I...I can't," I sobbed. "I have p...p...patients."

She passed me a tissue from the box next to the monitor. "James will see them."

"I can't...can't ask him to. It's not fair."

"He's already volunteered. It's sorted. Go home. Hold your Eddie."

I looked at her and I knew. I knew that she had known exactly what she was doing and had planned this. It must have been so obvious that it would only take a few kind words to send me running to him. Nobody can read people like a doctor's receptionist. She knew I was weary and upset and she knew which buttons to press to open the gates. She'd manipulated me perfectly and I was full of awe and admiration.

I managed a small smile. "The best thing about marrying Ed will be getting you for a mother-in-law."

Actually, it would be the second best thing, after the incredible sex, but since Eddie was so much like his dad my guess was she already knew that too.

Marilyn hugged me. "Go! Eddie's at the cottage. Drive safe and hold him tight."

"I will." I grabbed my bag and a handful of fresh tissues and left. Roisin smiled but said nothing as I half walked, half ran past her.

.

I parked outside the cottage, behind the pickup. Eddie had obviously had a phone call because he was waiting at the front door. I ran to him and flung my arms round him. "I'm sorry!" I repeated over and over whilst I kissed him. He was repeating "It's okay," over and over as he kissed me back. Gradually, the fast, hard kisses of reassurance became the slower, softer kisses of desire and we staggered back inside the cottage. Eddie kicked the door closed and my lust for him flared in earnest. I didn't know where to put my hands first. I was tugging at his jumper so he pulled it over his head and his T-shirt with it. I ran my hands over him and kissed the tattoo over his heart. I rubbed my face against it and breathed him in. I pressed myself against him so I could put my arms around him and run my hands up and down his back. I wanted to touch all of him all at once!

"Steady!" He laughed. I loved that laugh so much and I told him so.

He ran a hand through my hair. "Still want to marry me then?" His cocky smile was back!

"So much, so much, so much!" I was babbling now. "I will make it up to you, I swear I will make it up to you. I promise I will never walk away from you again. No matter what you do, I will never leave you again."

"Hmm, that could be taken as a challenge."

I was too overwrought for humour and turned to jelly. My bottom lip started to quiver.

"Sorry! It was a joke! I will never give you cause to be angry with me again." He was sincere but optimistic. We both knew this was the way it would always be with us.

I pulled his head down to mine and put my lips to his. They were soft and warm and a familiar tingle ran through my body. Pressed so tightly up to him it was impossible to miss that a certain area of his baggy combats wasn't as baggy as it had been. I put a hand on the material over his manhood.

"Please?" I whispered.

"You want me?" He whispered back.

"Oh yes!"

He lifted his head and chuckled. "Too bad. I meant what I said, you don't get any of that until after we are married."

Bastard! Okay, think.

"What happened to 'the mother of my child can have anything she wants' then?" I countered.

"Ah, that was before you left me. We are starting anew so there are new rules. And the new rule is 'no sex before marriage.' You want me, you have to make an honest man of me."

I wondered how much it would take to wear him down. "How strict is your definition of sex? Are we talking no sex acts of any description or just penetration?"

The instant flush of his cheeks was extremely gratifying.

"Is fooling around permitted?" I continued quietly. "Is oral sex allowed?" My hand began to rub the material stretched over his hard on. "Can I kiss it?" I whispered in his ear. I heard him swallow hard and when I looked at him again the pink flush had deepened to red and was creeping down his neck.

"No fair!" He complained.

"Life isn't," I reminded him and pushed my hand inside his trousers. "So?" I muttered, kissing his throat. "What will you let me do? Tell me what's allowed and what isn't. Come on, Eddie. You need it as much as I do. Where is it okay to touch you? How is it okay to touch you? Can I go down on my knees in front of you, Eddie? Can I take it into my mouth? Would you like that?"

His breathing had definitely speeded up and the flush of arousal was across his chest now. The normal soft brown of his eyes had become hard and almost black. My hand was working his erection, stroking up and down.

"Tell me, Eddie." Whispering into his ear and exhaling, knowing what the sound of my breathing was doing to him. "Penetration?"

He bit his lip and shook his head. "No.Tomorrow."

"Haven't you missed me? Don't you want it?"

"Oh, I want it!" a fervent sigh. "Please wait."

I nibbled his ear lobe and my hand moved faster. "Come to bed, Eddie. Let me take care of you. Let me prove how much I love you. Anything you want, anyway you want it, baby. I'm already begging you for it, make me scream for it too."

"Please, no."

Something in his tone of voice made me stop and lean back to look at him. He was beside himself with need but determined and upset. "Please, don't force me. Love me enough to wait for me. You could make me, you know you could, just please don't."

I was stunned! "I'm sorry." Suddenly feeling nauseous, I took my hand away from him. I was horrified. "I'm sorry." I repeated. I felt I ought to say something else but wasn't sure what. "I wasn't thinking. I would wait forever for you. You know that, don't you?"

He stood with his eyes closed, trying to pull himself together.

Oh God, what have I done? I felt like some disgusting, subhuman rapist. How could I have been so selfish? So thoughtless? I'd assumed that just because I wanted him he wanted me too. After everything I'd put him through, me and my stupid pride, how could he possibly feel the same? I stepped away. What sort of monster was I?

"I'm sorry. I love you so much. I just..."

He opened his eyes and roughly wiped a hand over his face.

"Please say something, Eddie. I've said I'm sorry. Tell me how to make it right."

He was so beautiful. Even after all the shit I'd put him through; even looking older and ill; he was still so perfect he took my breath away.

I looked away. "For what it is worth, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone." Overwrought, mixed up and exhausted, it was the only thing I was sure of. I couldn't be in the same room as him anymore. I needed to get myself together and calm down.

I turned to go and as I opened the door he said something I didn't catch so I kept on going. Why had he told everyone the wedding was back on? Now we were going to have to tell them it was all off, again. No, I was going to have to tell them. This was my fault not his. Let them blame me. Selfish and proud, I didn't deserve him. I got as far as the pickup and had to stop. I put a hand on the bonnet to steady myself. The fuzzy confusion was getting worse.

"Grace!" Eddie's voice from the door. "Where the Hell are you going?"

The world was spinning and I could feel my legs going. "I'm sorry. I love you so much." I tried to tell him but I don't know how much came out. I was so tired. I had thought everything would be okay, who was I kidding? How could it be? If I could just rest for a while. I sank to my knees and leant against the muddy wheel. So close. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wheel arch, grateful for the cool and the quiet. Hands were trying to pull me up but I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to rest. They were all going to be so disappointed in me. James was going to be incandescently cross with me. I tried to remember the last decent night's sleep I'd had; not since I had left Eddie. Not good for baby but then I would probably be as shit a mother as I was a lover. Hands were still tugging at me to no avail. I put my hands on my little bump and started to weep. My poor baby, my poor little baby. I'd be okay if I could just lie down. I started to fall forwards but an arm stopped me and I toppled sideways coming to rest with my head on Eddie's shoulder. It barely registered that he had knelt down beside me.

"Grace?" He sounded frightened. "Grace? What are you doing? You said you'd never leave me again."

I was too exhausted to lift my head from his shoulder as I replied, "I can't do it, Eddie. I can't be with you and not touch you. I will wait forever for you but I will have to do it from somewhere else. You got what you wished for, does it make you happy?"

"I didn't wish for this. I didn't wish to hurt you."

"You wanted me to be obsessed with you. You wanted me to be addicted to you, and I am. I am not some hormonally challenged teenager. I am a grown woman; a twenty weeks pregnant grown woman and I still cannot keep my hands off you. You said you wanted the thought of you with someone else to make my blood boil; and it made me so crazy I nearly walked away from you forever. You wanted me to need you and I do, beyond anything a sane person would. I don't even know whether I'm coming or going anymore."

I managed to lift my head and look at him. "I will go back to the flat, until tomorrow."

"You will do no such fucking thing!" A hotly indignant Eddie replied. "You will get back in that house and you will spend tonight, and every effing night, under my roof! Jesus Christ, Grace! Get up!" Large, strong hands hauled me roughly to my feet. "You listen to me!" He was almost shouting now and wagging a finger in my face. "If you need me, you prove it by getting back in that house now! Or so help me, pregnant or not, I will...I will...I don't know what I will do so let's not find out. YOU ARE NEVER FUCKING LEAVING ME AGAIN!" He was shouting now. Next thing I knew he was wrapped around me and squeezing me tightly. "You don't know what it's been like." Quietly now. " I've only been managing to hang on by my fingernails. I promised you I would never...do anything stupid again. I've been clinging to the small hope that you and the baby might need something, anything, from me; might want me again. Promise to you or not, if you leave me again I will kill myself. I can't go through that again."

"I think we are both too tired to think straight." Relief and sleep deprivation were making my bones ache.

"Then let's go inside. Go to bed and just hold each other and sleep."

"Sounds mighty fine."

We held on to each other as we half walked, half staggered inside. I'm not really sure who was holding who up. When we got to the bedroom Eddie pointed out I was covered in mud and helped me undress. He removed the rest of his clothes and we lay naked on the bed together. Eddie lay so he could kiss and stroke my bump. He spent ages just running his rough, dry hands over it with a look of wonder on his face. He pressed his cheek to my belly and closed his eyes. Junior decided now would be a really good time to move and Eddie jumped as he felt it against his face. He looked up at me.

"Does that feel as amazing to you?"

"No, even better." I laughed. Nearly as amazing as that smile, I thought. Eddie's whole face, his eyes, everything, lit up. "I'm getting cold. Could you hold me? Is that allowed under your rules?"

"It certainly is." Within seconds I was enveloped in warm, muscular man.

"It's what I wanted too, you know?" He whispered in my ear. "I want to make love I just can't until I know you're not leaving me again."

"Now you've explained, I understand. It made me feel...it made my skin crawl...when I thought I was..." I could find the exact words; unwanted, unwelcome, insensitive.

"Oh no, my lover. I just need to be the real deal."

"I'll make you a deal."

"Hmm?" He sounded cautious.

"I promise you that I will always listen to you and try to understand; if you promise me that you will always try to explain."

"Sounds like a good deal. How about promising to never leave me?"

"How about promising to never be unfaithful?"

"I promise."

"I promise too. Not because of a piece of paper. Not because of words said in front of a stranger. I promise to you, here in your bed, here in your arms, that as long as you are a faithful lover I will never leave you or want for anyone else."

"I promise there will be no one else. I promise to think more before I do stuff. I promise to think how would I feel if it were the other way round."

"That's it then. I will listen more, be more understanding and less proud. You will explain things more and be a little more understanding yourself. We will both try to talk about things more instead of getting hurt and angry with each other."

"I think I can live with that," he smirked.

I was shaking but it was definitely just cold this time so we got under the covers and Eddie spooned up behind me so he could hold me and rest a hand on my belly too.

We'd been cuddling and dozing for about an hour when the landline went. Eddie rolled over to grab it before cuddling up again.

"Hello? Hi Mum. Yes. Yes, everything is still on. No, they need delivering to yours." He rolled his eyes and mouthed 'mothers!' A mischievous smile appeared as he thought of something. He put the phone on loudspeaker.

"...have to be there if the flowers are being delivered. Is there anything else I need to be doing? I've rung Stuart and he will be there. He's bringing his ladyfriend too! Are any of your mates coming? Do I need..."

"Mum!" Eddie interrupted. "Calm down! As long as Grace and I get there with two witnesses nothing else really matters."

"You should try being more romantic, young man!" There was a pause and then a cautious, "Grace will be there, won't she? You're not going to screw up again?"

I had to put a hand over my mouth to stop me laughing out loud and turned over so I could watch him.

"She will be there. I've been daft and she has accepted my apology. She's apologised for over reacting."

He was looking at me with a glint in his eye, daring me to say something whilst the phone was on. 'I will get you later!' I mouthed to him and he just grinned.

"Over reacting!" she squawked. "Edward Peter Langsett, if your father had pulled a stunt like that I'd have chopped it off!" Way to go Mum-in-law! "You may be easy on the eye but that does not make you easy to live with. Grace is the best thing that has ever happened to you; if you don't get her wed tomorrow I will never speak to you again. After I have finished giving you what for, that is."

Eddie gave me a 'now you see what she's like' look.

"And another thing, young man." Oh heck, two 'young mans' in one conversation! "I know I've probably not heard most, or the worst, of the talk about you." Oh yes? "But from what I have heard, I would suggest you do whatever it takes to get Grace into bed this afternoon and then do your utmost to live up to your reputation so she doesn't get cold feet about marrying you!"

I thought my eyes were going to pop out of their sockets.

"Mum!" Eddie reproached her. Oh shit, this was hilarious. Eddie was going to switch it off loudspeaker but it was my turn to wag a finger.

"I mean it Eddie! First you married that bitch. Then you went and joined up. Then it all went pear shaped and you father and I had years of you and the booze, the drugs, the women. I'm sick of worrying about you."

"So that's a week Tuesday at four thirty with Dr Quayle. Would you like me to write that down?"

Bloody Hell! She was having this conversation from reception!

"Grace is a stronger woman than I am. I couldn't love a man and have to wonder every time I met a woman if he'd been with her."

"Don't, Mum!" Eddie looked at my face and started to panic. This wasn't funny anymore. I didn't want to hear this. I remembered Eddie's confessions and James' comment 'if it was female and had a pulse, he'd nail it.' The thought of him with some other woman, doing the things he did with me; no, I couldn't bear it.

"Well, for your own sake as well as everyone else's, do not let her get away. You will regret it the rest of your lonely days if you do!"

It was good to know she was on my side but hellfire, I wouldn't want to cross her.

"I won't let her go, I swear." He spoke to the phone but was looking at me. "I'll talk to you later."

"Is there anyone I need to call?"

"No. I'll ring people this evening."

"Take her to bed Eddie. She needs you. She's frightened and vulnerable, you need to step up to the plate and be a man."

"I will, Mum. I have to go. Speak to you this evening."

He switched the phone off and lay looking at me, waiting for a reaction. It was great to know my future mother-in-law was as fond of me as I was of her but Holy Moly!

"Say something." It was so quiet for a moment I wasn't sure I'd heard it.

"I guess I just have to live with it."

"You can do that?"

"I have to. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt because it does. You are everything to me and the thought...well, we've hurt each other enough."

"How can you..." He began.

I put a finger to his lips. "Someone I love very much once told me 'the heart wants what the heart wants.' And mine still only wants you, Heaven help me."

He smiled and kissed my finger. Then he started sucking it.

"Don't do that. You know what it does to me and since you've decided we're having none of that today it isn't fair."

"Someone I love very much once told me 'life isn't fair' and she's a doctor, she ought to know."

"Bastard!" I said with a smile.

"And anyway," he pushed me on my back and crouched over me, "I am under orders."

"Orders?"

"Yes, you heard her. 'Take Grace to bed and live up to your reputation.' "

"That wouldn't be a reputation for building fine conservatories, would it?"

"Strangely, no." We giggled a bit.

"You don't always do what your mother tells you."

"I think in this case, I will bow to her superior wisdom."

"Seriously Ed, we don't have to. As long as I can hold you, I'm good."

He bit his lip. "We are getting married tomorrow, aren't we? There's no chance of you changing your mind."

"None what so ever!"

He smiled and took a deep breath as if he had reached a big decision. "I swore the next time I made love it would be with my wife and for the rest of my life only ever with her. I have my faults," he pulled a face that said probably too many, "but I am a man of my word. Would you be cross if we waited? This is so difficult, every bloody fibre of me is screaming for it, but I want to get the rest of my life right. How'd you feel about letting me make it up to you tomorrow?"

"I've already said I'm okay to wait. You are so worth waiting for, Eddie Langsett."

He crouched a little lower to kiss me and Eddie Jr kicked him.

# Chapter Thirty-Seven

Saturday morning. D Day. I never really thought it would happen. As usual Eddie was awake first but he stayed in bed and when I woke up he was sitting up watching me.

"Morning, my lover."

"Hmmm."

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"I suppose a piece of Eddie is out of the question?"

He laughed. "I thought I was worth waiting for."

"You are, but you can't blame a girl for trying." I rolled over and smiled at him.

"Whatcha thinking?" Eddie asked.

"Just thinking 'wow', you?"

"Just want to get you hitched before you change your mind."

I laughed, "Not a blooming chance!"

"So, the very nearly Mrs Grace Langsett, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Toast and coffee." He was good at making toast and I didn't think I could stomach eggshell.

He rolled off the bed and found some sweatpants before disappearing into the kitchen. I grabbed his dressing gown and followed.

We sat at the kitchen table quietly; eating and busy with our own thoughts.

"Grace?"

Oh, here we go! "Yes?"

"You know after Junior's born?"

"Yes?"

"I'd like us to start trying for another straight away."

"Are you going to let me get off the delivery table first?"

He shook his head and laughed."You know what I mean."

"Depends if I need a section or not, but if my husband wants another baby I guess I'd better get busy!"

"I like that. 'My husband!' " He sat up taller and puffed his chest out as he said it. We giggled a bit. It sounded so odd.

I'd been doing a bit of thinking of my own and this seemed like a good time. "I've been thinking about names."

Raised eyebrow.

"I'd like to call him James Edward Langsett. Jamie."

Eddie repeated it at different speeds a couple of times, mulling it over, seeing how it sounded. He nodded. "I like it," he decided. "So you don't want to call him Aled then?"

I threw a piece of toast at him and told him to fuck off. He laughed like a drain. "Someone is feeling confident this morning if he can make a joke like that!"

"It's different now I've almost got that golden shackle on you."

My face dropped. Wedding rings! "Rings! No rings!"

Eddie smiled a little smile and went to the kitchen drawers. He came back with a palm sized navy blue jewelry box. When I opened it there were two plain gold wedding rings inside. I tried the smaller one on. It was a perfect fit.

"Look inside."

I pulled the ring off. Inside there was an inscription. 'Never Leave Me'

I didn't know what to say. There were a hundred and one things I wanted to say: I won't; I love you; this is real isn't it; I promise; forever is a long time. I could feel myself filling up. Brown eyes watched me with amusement.

"Check mine out."

I looked inside the larger ring, the one that looked like a thumb ring. 'Don't Screw This Up'

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry so I solved my dilemma by doing a little of both. A cuddle and a few kisses from Eddie soon calmed me down.

Having eaten, we cleared up and then Eddie got dressed and took his things to his mum's. I watched him go and I couldn't quite get my head round the idea that we were really getting married, the idea of Eddie as a husband just didn't feel right. When Eddie performed his 'husbandly duties' would it feel different? I could feel myself blushing. Better stop those thoughts right now! I had a wedding to get through first.

I showered and got ready. I'd chosen a cream trouser suit. I didn't think I could get away with white at twenty weeks pregnant and it's not a flattering colour anyway. I wasn't bothered about a dress and they were all a bit fussy. I wanted something simple with clean lines. I'd taken James with me and we'd both liked the suit so, with a bit of growing room built in, that was what I'd got. My bump was a bit more prominent than when I'd been measured and it fitted like a glove. The jacket had a single large button and it fell just right over my tummy. I'd got cream shoes, not too high, I didn't want to risk Eddie's disapproval again. When I was ready there was nothing to do but wait. James was on time to the minute when he arrived to take me to the venue. It was an old country house that Eddie had worked on when it was turned into a hotel. He'd always liked it and it seemed the ideal place to get married. I couldn't believe he hadn't cancelled the wedding when I told him it was over! But then neither had I. James looked me up and down and it was clear he approved. "You look beautiful." He held his arm out and escorted me to his car.

About half way to the hotel I was starting to panic and made him pull over.

"What's up?"

"I'm not sure I can do this."

A mix of emotions, mostly concern but laced with the potential for crossness, flitted across his face. "Why not?"

"How can I promise forever? Forever is a bloody long time!"

Concern and irritation went and were replaced by amusement. "Well, it's not like its the first time you've done this."

"Thank you, Mr Tactful! I know. It's easy to promise forever when you are young and stupid and have no doubts. I said forever before and ended up divorced. How do I know it won't end the same? How do I know I'm not making a mistake?"

"You don't and you're not, okay? Do you love Eddie?"

"Oh God, yes!"

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"Yes."

"Good, because if you don't marry him today I will personally see to it that it's a short one!" and then he started laughing. I found myself joining him.

"Does he love me?" I knew the answer was yes but I just needed to hear it from someone else.

"Grace, he has your name tattooed on his chest. I think it is safe to say he loves you."

"You know about that?"

"Should do. He's shown it to just about everyone."

I gasped. "Does Marilyn know?"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no! What did she say?"

"She was of the opinion he should have had it tattooed on his forehead, along with 'property of'."

For the second time that day I was speechless.

"Anyway," James continued. "If it's okay with you we have a wedding to get to."

"We certainly do!"

When we pulled up outside the hotel Eddie, Mick, Stuart and Marilyn were waiting. Eddie started down the steps as I opened the door. I could hear Marilyn berating him about it being bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. Who did she think we woke up next to this morning? He opened the door the rest of the way and gave me his hand to help me. Once out I just stood there and stared at him. "Oh Eddie!" was all I could say. He was wearing a grey, single breasted suit with a white shirt and he looked...well, I don't have the words to describe how fine he looked. The shirt was open a few buttons at the neck and a pale blue tie hung out of his jacket pocket. There was just the suggestion of a little bit of chest hair over the top most fastened button. He looked about thirty. He looked breathtakingly gorgeous and thirty.

"What's wrong?"

"People are going to think I'm marrying my toy boy!"

He ducked his head and even managed to look shy. I heard a click and turned to see Mick with a camera. I gave him the mean eye and he took another photo. "You look beautiful, Grace. Far too good for Eddie. Why don't you run off with me?" He called. Marilyn swung her head round indignantly and the shutter went off in her face. "Gotcha!" he laughed. Realising she'd been had, she laughed too.

"Come on, there's someone waiting for you." Eddie held my hand and started up the steps. If I was a bag of nerves, he was about the most relaxed I'd ever seen him. Whatever doubts I had, he'd none. I squeezed his hand tightly as if I could draw some confidence and certainty from him. As he led me through the front door there was an almighty ruckus as four kids and their mum descended on me. Janie!

"How?" was all I managed.

"Him!" She laughed.

Could this get any better? A figure strolled out of the bar and I knew it could. Raj! I nearly flattened the poor guy in a clumsy but enthusiastic attempt to hug him. When they managed to peel me off him, Marilyn started fussing with a corsage for me. Eddie put his tie on. Suitably adorned, all we could do now was wait for the suite to be ready.

.

It was a quiet little ceremony. We'd both been married before so neither of us had wanted a big fuss. We'd just wanted the piece of paper; or in Eddie's case, the paper and a ring. There was no marching into the room to music; no bride being five minutes late. We walked in together, side by side. We said our piece in front of the registrar, swapped rings, signed what we needed to sign and walked out together as husband and wife. I was struggling to get my head round it. We went to the bar for a drink. Don't know about Eddie but I needed one.

"Really married." I marveled over yet another orange juice.

"Second thoughts?"

"Not a chance!" We both giggled.

"Doesn't seem real, does it?" He sounded as awestruck as I felt.

I put a hand on his jaw and kissed him. "Hmm, feels pretty real."

There was a click and a flash. "Mick!" He got admonished in stereo.

To this day it's still my favorite picture of me and Eddie.

We were called through for the bridal lunch and once we were seated I looked around. This, these people, were my life; and a bloody good one it was too! More than friends, these people had become my family; crazy, dysfunctional and not always pulling in the same direction but I couldn't imagine life without any of them. I looked at Eddie. I don't believe that there is such a thing as 'The One', but at that moment I really believed that he would be 'The Only.'

.

Then again, I'd been wrong before!

###

# A Word From the Author

Hi, thank you for downloading my book and since you made it this far I'm optimistic you enjoyed it. Since this is an eBook it is a living document; it can change and evolve and that is exciting. Somehow sharing this with you seems much more intimate than a printed book; it feels like sitting down with a couple of friends and a bottle of wine and having one of those conversations. You know the ones I mean! This was a hugely personal project and I thank you for letting me share it with you. If you have any thoughts or constructive comments you'd like to share in return you can e-mail them to 'bethhart2013@yahoo.com'. Who do you think Eddie Langsett is? Who do you imagine he looks like? Do you know an Eddie? Would you like to?

For the record, I am not Grace. For the record, I am not really Beth either. However, you can call me Beth. I don't use my real name because I still work in general practice and discussing my book with a patient in surgery time is not a conversation I want to have! I run late enough as it is!

I've included the beginning of the next installment. I hope you enjoy!

# Eddie, Baby. Chapter One

Hey, so, how are you? What have you been up to since we last spoke? Hard to believe Jamie is six months old now. Being a new mum and holding down a full time job is hard. Harder still when there have been two of us doing the work of three for a while now. You know how it goes, lots of stuff happens but nothing really changes!

Work is a zoo! With Stuart ill and Marilyn retired we've had to take on two new receptionists. They are nice girls, Eve and Katie, keen to do their jobs well, but there was so much of it that is just down to experience. Thankfully Roisin is now working full time so that helps enormously. At one point Lucy had come sniffing around but we all agreed that we needed her back like we need a dose of the clap. I know James is concerned about me. It's not for long, he keeps promising, he's already placed the ads and had several inquiries. I am tired and worried; worried about Stuart, it is still not certain he will pull through never mind come back to work; worried about James, who's working even more than me; worried about my relationship with Eddie, he is being understanding but he is a man used to passion and enthusiasm, neither of which I can summon as much of as I would like at the moment.

.

What time was it? There was a hand rubbing me. What? Jamie? Was he crying and I hadn't woken? I raised myself up on to an elbow so I could see the clock. 6. Half an hour to go, I hadn't overslept. The monitor was quiet. I collapsed back under the duvet. The hand carried on, not so much pushing as stroking. Oh fucking hell! He woke me up for this? I was so tired I wanted him to stop. I knew if I just came out and said I didn't want sex there would be hurt feelings and possibly some falling out so I just tried to ignore it. The hand got bolder, more insistent, and Eddie wriggled up closer.

"Grace? You awake?"

"I am now."

He took this as encouragement and snuggled up closer. This should have been good. He was toasty warm and his long, strong limbs wrapped around me. If only we could have stayed like this for a couple of hours! I might then have appreciated the evidence of morning that was pressing against my back.

"Gracie?"

"Hmm?"

"Gracie?"

"What?"

"Don't you love me anymore, Gracie?" He was teasing and playful.

Grumpy and tired as I was, I had to laugh. "Eddie, you are the sexiest guy on the planet. I love you to distraction. Now I have half an hour until I have to get up."

"It's alright, it'll only take me half an hour!" His chest hair tickled my back as he giggled and despite myself I had to admit it felt good. "I know you're smiling!"

"Cocky bastard!"

"Yup! You going to roll over or do I have to take you from behind?"

"I get a choice?"

"Course. I am a considerate lover, I am." There was just no arguing with him when he had his silly head on.

The hand that had been stroking my bum stopped to brush the hair from my neck before wandering off to find a boob to play with. Warm, soft lips started working the newly exposed flesh. Everything started to tingle. Damn him!

"So? What's it to be?"

"I want lots of kissing." I was still a bit sulky.

"Better roll over then!"

I was sure he deliberately exaggerated his accent sometimes, just to get past my defences. The thing that annoyed me most was that it always worked. It was just too much hard work to stay tired and grumpy around Eddie when he was being sweet. He was kissing and nuzzling and suddenly I was glad he'd woken me up. I ran a hand up his thigh. Oh yeah, Eddie was ready!

"And what is that, then?" I teased.

He snorted. "I'm hoping it's breakfast!"

Caught off guard, I laughed before I managed to pretend to be shocked. "Edward Peter Langsett! You mucky pup!"

His face lit up and he crinkled his nose. "Yeah!" He said happily.

'I knew there was a reason I married you!"

"And I thought it was my truck."

Humph! Happy memories came flooding back. "You in the truck maybe."

"We haven't done that in a while. Fancy a ride out sometime?"

I just looked at him and thought 'Do I ever!' I didn't have to say it, he already knew. He was smart and funny and sexy and mine. Was I the luckiest bitch on the planet, or what? "On your back!"

"Please?" He reprimanded.

I gave him a look and a smile.

"Or maybe not!" He rolled on to his back and he actually put his hands behind his head. "Breakfast is served!"

"Smug bastard!"

"Yup!" He agreed. "Smug, filthy, horny, lucky bastard! Get it before it gets cold!"

Well, what could I do? It would have been rude to let such a hot man go cold.

.

Half an hour later, when the alarm went, I pondered that it was probably good for the soul to start each day with a prayer. Certainly, given the way Eddie had been chanting 'Oh God!', it had been a religious experience. As I watched him dozing peacefully, I decided that I could become quite a devoted worshipper. Who are you kidding? I thought as I slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom. You already are! Eddie was never anything short of miraculous even when he was receiving head. Surely a day that started so well could only be a good one?

.

The promising start continued when I got to work. James was already in (quelle surprise) and seated in his room shuffling bits of paper around. When I stuck my head round the door to say 'hi' he waved towards a seat.

"Just going through the applications and CVs. A couple of decent candidates and one who sounds too good to be true. I'm going to start following up references today."

"Oh, that's great."

"It gets better."

"How so?"

"I spoke to Jo last night. She's agreed to cover a few days for us. It will ease the load a little."

"Thought she was trying for another baby?"

James pulled a face. "Yeah, well, therein lies another story. I'll tell you about it later."

Oooooh, okay. I'd only met Jo once or twice but she seemed nice enough in a public school sort of way. James certainly rated her so it was safe to assume that she was both a good doctor and a good human being.

Feeling cautiously optimistic, I went to my room.

.

Finished at last! I wouldn't have believed that any morning which finished on time could possibly be so hard! I'd been playing the harbinger of doom, the bad news bunny, all morning and it was a role I hated. I clicked on the instant message button.

'Anyone want a sandwich? I'm going to shop."

An answer pinged back. 'Don't need to. Ed brought some."

Bless that man! I knew there was a reason I loved him! Well, another one!

There was a loud thump-thump-thump before the door opened to reveal my hero and my lunch. I stood to give him a hug and take it from him.

"Thought you might appreciate something to eat. Since you skipped breakfast, again. I would have thought, what with you being a doctor and all, that you'd know better!"

"You in a hurry to be off?" An idea was forming.

"Just on my way to pick up Jamie from Mum's. Why?"

"Doesn't matter." I tried not to let my disappointment show and became engrossed in picking an imaginary thread off his jumper.

"Why?" Low and oozing suspicion. The arm around my waist tightened.

"Well, I'm not tired for once and I have a whole hour with nothing to do. Thought we could...have lunch together."

"Lunch?"

I shrugged and my face suddenly felt very warm. "Lunch."

He was wearing a smile so suggestive it was indecent and probably illegal too. God, I loved that smile! "Really?" Not convinced then.

I couldn't stop my lips from mirroring his. "No, not really. Don't make me say it."

"Why not? A man likes to be pursued and persuaded sometimes." He was holding me like we were about to waltz round the surgery. Bright eyes locked mine, looking at me through dark lashes.

"Don't do this!" I warned him.

"Do what?" All wide eyes and faux innocence.

"Make me grovel and plead with you and then say no anyway."

"When did I ever say no to you?"

"D'uh!"

"Except for that one time before our wedding." He conceded grudgingly.

"So you'll stay if I ask nicely?"

He smiled a wolfish grin and leaned forwards to whisper, "I rather liked the sound of the groveling and pleading you mentioned!"

I shook my head in wonder. He'd won: Eddie always won.

"I would pursue you to the ends of the Earth! Is that far enough?" Very well, I'd play his game.

He pursed his lips and looked thoughtful.

Okay, he wanted more. "Please Eddie. You can't walk in here, looking the way you do, and bearing sandwiches, and expect to leave unmolested. Not going to happen!"

I watched him suppress a smirk.

"In fact, it's a good job you weren't bearing chocolate too or I would have wrestled you to the ground and forced myself on you by now."

He suddenly became the poster boy for smugness. "I have a Twix in my pocket."

"And I thought you were pleased to see me. Blow you for it!"

"Okay."

"I thought you wanted romance and persuasion?" My turn on the smugness wagon.

"Hmmm, let me think. Romance or a blow job? That's a tough one."

There was a wretching noise from the doorway.

"Hey James." Eddie said without turning round.

"How'd you know it was me?"

He was answered with a synchronised snort. Two pairs of eyes watched him and waited. After a few seconds he started to look uncomfortable. "What's that?" He put his hand to his ear. "Roisin and some paperwork calling. Sorry! Gotta go. Don't do anything I wouldn't, Dr O'Donnell!" The little love even closed the door.

"Hmmmm, where were we?" I rubbed up against Eddie.

"Dr O'Donnell?" He scowled. For a guy who'd been around he was so possessive. For a woman who was so independent I loved it.

Distraction tactics were called for. I slid my hand over his manhood and sighed, "And what sort of attention does my favourite patient need?"

"O'Donnell?"

Crap. If a hand on his dick didn't distract him then it was serious. "I've always practiced under my maiden name."

"Yeah, but your Grace Langsett now."

"And when I was Grace Brown I was still Dr O'Donnell."

Flirtiness had flitted off, this was going to be an Eddie issue. "Yeah, but...you're married to me now. You're my wife."

"And most, if not all, of my patients know that."

"That's not the point."

"What is the point? Why is it such a deal what I'm called at work?"

"You're my WIFE. MY woman."

For a moment I wondered if my beautiful wolf was going to suggest he pee'd on me to mark his territory. I knew we were heading for a fight and I couldn't help but tense. I could see uncertainty in Eddie's dark brown eyes; he didn't want to back down but he really wanted to fool around.

"Look," he began carefully. "I am really, really proud to be married to you. This is my home. It's where I grew up. It's where I screwed up. I want everyone to know that you love me and you're not ashamed or embarrassed about being with me. I'm not a fuck up anymore. It is important to me. Please." He did the head tilt and the puppy dog eyes; a killer combo; I folded.

"Okay."

He hugged me and I caught his reflection in the picture frame. Smug git! He'd manipulated me again and I didn't even mind! I'd worked long and hard to become a doctor. Me. My work, my name. Yet a few words from Eddie and I would give it up without a fight. He knew exactly what he was saying. He knew that any suggestion that I might not be ecstatic to be with him would result in a knee jerk reaction to prove otherwise. Still, giving in to him had its rewards; as I reflected a few minutes later when he had me pinned to the wall whilst I struggled to keep quiet and he did things that made me want to scream. With my eyes closed and my head pressed against the wall, there was nothing for it but to bite my lip and chant 'Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!' with every wall banging thrust. I won the race, as usual, and when he crossed the finish line I held him.

"Dr Langsett?" He was double checking.

Still too shaky to speak, I nodded.

Satisfied twice over he gave me a contented smile and a kiss. Then lots of soft, little kisses and a bouquet of sweet nothings that turned my legs, and my heart, to jelly. Eddie had got what he wanted. Eddie always got everything he wanted. You have no idea how pleased I was about that!

.

Life settled into a routine. An exhausting routine but the more often Jamie slept through, the easier it became. James interviewed a few applicants and seemed quite up beat about it. The last Wednesday in March, we were all not very subtly evicted from the practice the second the last patient left. Thursday, James was all smiles. I'd observed that it had to have been a good interview and James sulked for the rest of the morning.

A dreadful March was both a blessing and a curse. Between the snow and the storms, Eddie didn't get a lot of work done which made childcare a lot easier because he could drop off and pick up, so I didn't have to spend every afternoon clock watching. On the down side, having spent all day at home, when I got back after a hard day, he was bored and usually frisky. He was so funny and sweet when he wanted sex that normally by bedtime I was in the mood as well. Some days however, particularly if I'd been up in the night with Jamie, I just wanted him to leave me alone. I would never have believed that having a smoking hot man absolutely desperate to make love to me could be irritating but on occasion it was. To give the guy his due, Eddie was really good about it. If I was up for it but tired, he was quite happy to do all the work. If I just didn't want to, I'd promise to make it up to him next time and more often than not I'd still get a cuddle from him. I made a point to keep my promises and it was good to know that I still had the capacity to surprise him now and then! I was so in love with Eddie and so happy. I couldn't believe that I'd ever walked away from him, that I'd been ready to live without him.

Monday to Friday was work. Sometimes, if the weather relented, Eddie would work weekends to try to catch up. Mick was working with him less as the lifeguard station got busier and the beach hut began to open weekends. Much to everyone's surprise, Mick announced that he'd be going home for a few months later in the year. His sister was getting married; it was his parents 35th wedding anniversary; his brother's wife was expecting their first baby; all good reasons to go home for a while. He said that he was definitely coming back but it was a long way and it was where he grew up. It wouldn't have surprised me if he met some nice Australian girl and stayed permanently. Friday nights were still boys nights. Eddie'd go down to The Shack for a couple of hours with Mick, Phil and the 'lads'. He seemed happy and contented. I noticed that he took a lot of care over his appearance when he went out and was pleased that now he'd got what he wanted he wasn't going to let himself go. As he was going I'd always tell him he looked nice and tease him about staying away from lustful women! He'd laugh and tell me that one lustful woman in his life was quite enough, thank you! Oh, you have no idea, Eddie my love! No idea at all!

.

The first Friday night in April started well until Eddie came back in a stinking mood! After I'd put Jamie down for the night I'd pottered about; I'd rung Janie, read a bit, baked a bit. The luxury of time to myself! I'd gone to bed at ten but the slamming of doors and stomping of feet woke me at eleven.

"Not a good evening?" I asked when he flopped into bed.

"Huh!"

"What's up?"

"Mick brought this bloke along. Right arsehole. Spoilt the whole evening. Pretentious twat!"

Ooooh! If Eddie wasn't keen on someone he usually just ignored them. I wondered what this bloke had done to poke the hornet's nest. For the first time in months, I thought about Richard Parker. "Mick must have thought he was okay if he invited him along."

"Humph!"

"What was wrong with him?"

"Some big, flash Yank. Thinks he's God's gift."

"To women?" I teased. If he'd upset Eddie it was probably because women thought the new guy was God's gift to them too. Jealous much?

"To everyone!" He wasn't seeing the funny side.

"Never mind, sweetheart. Come here, see if I can't make you smile."

"Nah, I'm not in the mood." And with that he rolled over with his back to me and went to sleep.

Well, that was a first! Poor Eddie, bless him! There were a lot of sparks and drama between us but generally he was a charming, easy going man who could get along with anyone. This American guy, whoever he was, must have been really awful! Must remember to ask Mick about it.

.

Saturday morning was cool but dry so Eddie was able to get some work done. Jamie and I passed an hour or so by going for a walk. We went through the village and past the new house before turning off and circling around through the woods. Yet again I wondered why we hadn't moved in. Eddie was a perfectionist in his work and it was a lovely house. I guess the problem was that we were very happy in the cottage. We'd talk about it and we'd agree next month, then neither of us would say anything more and the next month would come and go. I was as bad as him.

Jamie stayed awake all the way round. He was fascinated, looking up at the trees, watching the branches wave. He was tired when we got back so I fed him and laid him down for a nap in his cot. Hmmm, what to do now? There was some washing up or some ironing. I know! I'll ring Mick instead.

When Mick answered I could tell he was at the beach.

"Hi Doc! Whatcha up to?"

"Nothing much. Just wanted to pick your brains."

"Pick away!"

"Eddie came home in a foul mood last night. Who upset him?"

There was a deep booming laugh. "That would be Joe!"

"What did he do?"

"Nothing. It was just hate at first sight. For both of them!"

"Why?" I was intrigued now.

"You busy?"

"No, Jamie is sleeping. Why?"

"I'm at the beach all day. Bring the little guy down for a while." He paused. "I'll introduce you to Joe."

"He usually has an hour. We'll be there about two?"

"I'll keep an eye out for you. See ya then."

"Bye Mick."

"Oh! Doc?"

"Yeah?"

"Be a love and bring me a sarnie, will you?"

"Fuck off, Mick!" I laughed and pressed call end.

Cool, it should be a good afternoon. Mick was absolutely besotted with Jamie. It always made me smile to watch them together. And I would get to see who had pissed Eddie off so badly.

.

Quarter past two found me pushing Jamie in his pram down the beach. It was fairly quiet and it was immediately obvious which body in the water was Mick. A hand rose in greeting and gestured further along the beach. As I walked I spotted where Mick had spread out his stuff. I got Jamie out of the pram and we sat on the blanket. The sun was out now and it was really pleasant behind the windbreak. I loved living near the sea! I was bouncing the little man on my legs when a big shadow fell across me. I barely had chance to look up and register that it was Mick before he had whomped Jamie off me for a cuddle. Jamie whimpered and wriggled. Mick's face! He didn't understand why his little bud was upset to see him.

"Wet suit, Mick! It's cold. And wet."

The penny dropped. I took Jamie back whilst he peeled off the top half and grabbed a fleece. When he dropped to his knees and took him back, Jamie was smiley and grabbed a fistful of hair. Mick smiled back and laughed at him. It was rather touching because I knew that when Jamie pulled your hair, it hurt!

Another big shadow appeared in front of the sun and threw it's board down on the sand. I used my hand to shield my eyes as I looked at the person responsible.

"Ed...?"

He flopped down on to the sand next to Mick and without the sun behind him I could see that it wasn't Eddie; but the resemblance was uncanny! He was taller than Eddie, Mick's size, so six four. He was younger than Eddie, he looked to be in his thirties, but he could have been Eddie's brother. He was powerfully built with dark brown hair and hawk like dark brown eyes.

"Grace, this is Joe. Joe, meet Grace."

A hand the size of a small shovel and wet with salt water shot towards me. A confident, firm handshake; nice, not the finger crushing I'd expected. I fought the urge to shield my eyes again as I was treated to a dazzlingly white smile. "It's nice to meet you, Grace." Yes, American. Not a strong accent, possibly northern?

"And you too." I stuttered. It was like the first time I saw Ed!

Timing it deliberately, Mick informed him, "Grace is Eddie's wife."

The handshake froze barely perceptibly before he recovered himself and let go.

"Eddie? From The Shack, Eddie?"

Mick nodded and grinned. He loved mischief!

"Yeah! Eddie and Joe didn't really hit it off last night. Don't know why."

I did! Bloody Hell, he was gorgeous! Gorgeous, young and (I was guessing) a pretty handy surfer. He was Competition with a capital 'C'. Tall, dark and handsome meet tall, dark and handsome version 2.0!

"Oh, you know how Eddie is with strangers!" I tried to wave any awkwardness away. "Eddie takes a while to warm to people." I told Joe. "I'm very pleased to meet you anyway."

I turned to Mick, "I'm sure Eddie was a bit reserved with you when you first met."

The two of them spoke simultaneously.

Mick contradicted me cheerfully, "Nah, he was good from the word go."

Joe repeated doubtfully, "A bit reserved?"

I looked from one to the other. At the time, meeting the guy who'd upset Eddie had seemed like a good idea. Now it was just really uncomfortable. What could I say?

Just to make things worse, Mick's phone rang.He passed Jamie to Joe and excused himself before answering it and wandering off a little way.

"So, Joe..." I pulled a flask out from under Jamie's pram. "What brings you to Devon?"

I noticed that he knew how to hold a baby but didn't look quite at ease.

"Work. I work for an engineering company doing some coastal defences north and south of here."

I filled the lid with the filter coffee I'd made before setting off.

"You here for long?" I didn't mean that quite the way it sounded. Please let him take it the right way!

"Two, two and a half years. Depends on the weather." He did.

The steam off the coffee wafted his way and I noticed him close his eyes and inhale. He must be freezing.

"Coffee?" I held the cup out to him.

"Yes, ma'am!" He smiled gratefully and swapped me Jamie for a big coffee. There was an "Aaah!" and a big sigh as he took a sip. I'd taken an instant liking to Joe, probably for all the same reasons that Eddie had taken an instant dislike to him!

"Sorry. No milk or sugar." I apologised.

"This is just perfect. Thank you."

We smiled at each other and I felt much better. We were going to get along, regardless of how things were between him and Ed. His smile became cheeky and he looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "Don't suppose you got anything to eat in there?"

My smile broadened into a grin. "Cupcake, I know better than to visit Mick at the beach without food!" I pulled out a small cool bag and a carrier bag from The Duck. I opened the cool bag to reveal chocolate cake I'd made yesterday evening, a punnet of strawberries and litre carton of orange juice. The bag from The Duck held two big bacon butties, a couple of sausage rolls and a pasty.

"The pasty is mine!" I warned him. I was impressed that he didn't have to ask what a pasty was.

He looked at all of it like he'd never seen food before but his gaze came to rest on the bacon sandwiches.

I shrugged. "Go on. I'll tell Mick it was a peace offering."

"I'll leave him one." Joe compromised. It was safe to say that he enjoyed it; and the sausage roll; as he finished the coffee.

He was just helping himself to cake when Mick strolled back. The Aussie looked at the single sandwich and roll and pretended to be put out.

"What can I say?" I refilled the flask lid and passed it back to Joe. "I like a man with an appetite."

"Yeah?" Mick grabbed my pasty. "Well, you've already got one of those!" He managed to fit almost half of it in his mouth in one go. He grinned at me sending bits of flaky pastry everywhere. He plonked himself down and demolished all the remaining food and the entire carton of orange juice. When they'd finished all that was left was a small sliver of chocolate cake. I saw Mick eyeing it thoughtfully so I scowled at him and grabbed it. He laughed. Yes, it really was turning out to be a lovely afternoon.

"Going back in?" Mick asked Joe.

I tutted loudly at him and gave them both a warning look.

Mick put his hands up. "Okay doc! We'll wait half an hour before going back in the water."

"I'd rather you waited an hour."

He gave a 'not-going-to-happen' head shake.

I glared at him.

His lip twitched. "Forty five, then."

I indicated that this was acceptable.

"Bloody doctors, eh!" Mick tisked in mock disgust. At least I think it was mock! "Never mind, I get to spend more time bonding with my favourite little fella!"

Mick took Jamie off me again. He was so good with him. Mick was just going to be the best dad in the world when the time came. I decided not to think about that. It was deeply unsettling to think of big, daft, sexy Mick being a big, loved up, seriously sexy daddy. Not thoughts a happily married woman should be having.

"A doctor, eh? What's your area of interest?" Joe saved me from dirty old woman territory.

"Was obs and gynae. Just a family doctor now."

"Just?"

I shrugged. "You know what I mean."

"You don't have the same accent as the locals. Where are you from?"

Well spotted, young man! "I'm from Yorkshire." I quoted the saying to him. "Tha can always tell a Yorkshire lass, tha just can't tell her much." I suspect that went over his head.

We'd been chatting a few minutes when I noticed him look to my left and smile. When I followed his gaze I saw Mick and Jamie sprawled on the blanket, in the shade of the windbreak, both fast asleep. Big softie! I took a blanket out of the pram and put it over Jamie.

It was very pleasant indeed, sitting in the soft spring sunshine, chatting to Joe. Turns out he was from Minneapolis! I made a mental note to look it up when I got home. He was smart and funny; courteous and charming; I got the distinct impression he was hard working and ambitious too. I studied him and I thought, yes, I bet you have to fight the surf bunnies off with a baseball bat. All the girlies who used to flutter their eyes at Eddie are fluttering them at you now. God help you if you're a better surfer than him too! He's jealous. Silly boy! Eddie Langsett, the original and still the best.

I laughed to myself and Joe looked puzzled. He was a really nice guy and I think that we both enjoyed just sitting there chatting. Which was just as well really, since Mick didn't wake until half past four. Even with the shelter, the temperature was starting to drop rapidly. I put Jamie in the pram and gathered my belongings. Mick and Joe decided it was time to leave too. So we all walked back to the car park together, chatting as we went. Mick had a date with a girl from Bideford that night. I noticed his conversation was considerably cleaner than usual and I wondered if it was all down to Joe's presence or if he maybe had more respect for this one? Having the pram, I had to take the ramp rather than the stairs but still the boys walked with me. When we got to my car I gave Mick a big bear hug and Joe a slightly awkward peck on the cheek.

"How are you two getting home?"

"Joe's wheels!" Mick gave the sort of excited grin he usually reserved for discussions involving bondage and pointed down the car park.

"Which one?"

"Bloody hell, Grace! You can hardly miss it!" Mick was astonished but I noticed Joe looked a little bashful.

I looked again. I shook my head. No, he couldn't. Could he? Not that. Well, Joe did say he worked in construction.

"What, that enormous silver thing?"

Mick nodded like a kid with a new toy. Joe shrugged.

I wheeled the pram down for a closer look. Fucking hell! It wasn't just a big pick up. It was a big pickup on steroids! I'd never seen anything so big and so silver!

"Custom import." Mick breathed. "Ford F150 Raptor, 6.2 litre V8 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..." He could have been talking Swedish for all I could tell. As far as I was concerned it was huge, fast and silver. Another reason for Eddie to hate him, he probably had a serious case of vehicular envy.

.

When I got home Eddie was already there. I told him we'd been to see Mick at the beach and I'd met Joe. Eddie's eyes narrowed. What did I reckon to Joe? Dreadful, I replied with a straight face. Liar! Eddie laughed at me.

.

On the next Boys' Friday Night Out I noticed that Eddie was wearing a new shirt. He'd had another shave before going out as well. He's competing with Joe! Idiot! Joe was no competition, at least not in my opinion. I told him he looked great. He did that kind of grimace thing that people do when they are crap at receiving compliments. So I just kissed him and waved him off.

He was back at half past ten but he seemed happier than when he'd gone out; and certainly happier than last week! I half wondered if Joe hadn't been there. He'd crept into bed and a tentative hand had stroked my hip. "Gracie? You awake?"

I'd leapt on him and ravished him! He'd soaked up my adoration like a sponge and when I finally allowed him to drift off to sleep he was smiling his 'very happy Eddie' smile!

.

The Fridays after that followed a similar pattern. I finished work. Picked up Jamie. Got home. Eddie went out. He came back. He was frisky. We had sex and the weekend began.

About four weeks after the Friday he'd met Joe, mid May, I got home as usual with junior. Eddie had already eaten and was getting ready to go out. I was sitting at the kitchen table feeding Jamie a fromage frais when Eddie left. He walked out of our bedroom and I forgot to breathe. I just looked at him and I wanted to say 'don't go out. I want you so badly. Stay home with me and let me tie you to the bed and ravish you.' What I actually said was, "Wow, Eddie! You look great."

He was fresh out of the shower and freshly shaved. His hair was still damp on the ends. The last couple of weeks had been dry and sunny so his skin was lightly tanned from working outside. He was wearing the pale loose shirt he'd worn the first time he took me to The Hanged Man for a drink. It had wowed me then too. The top few buttons were undone and there was just a little chest hair visible. His jeans were new; a relaxed fit everywhere except across his package. There wasn't a woman on the planet whom that would be wasted on! His boots were old but newly polished. As always there was his wide, leather cuffed watch on his left wrist. He was a jaw droppingly handsome man; the kind of man women fight over; and I knew something that they didn't. I knew what was under that watch. They just saw this big, tough, sexy man and they wanted to sleep with him. Believe me, I saw that too; I only had to glance at him and my brain started screaming 'SEX!' But I'd seen his scar, I'd kissed his scar; I knew he was a good man, vulnerable, fragile sometimes and I wanted to care for him and protect him as well. He stood there in the kitchen with a 'well, do I look okay?' expression on his face and I wanted to tell him that he looked so much more than just okay. He bent to give me a peck on the cheek before he left and there was just the softest whisper of cologne. It was barely there but it made me want to bury my face in his neck and breathe him in until I'd inhaled every last little bit of him.

As he straightened up he caught the look on my face and he smiled. It was the lazy, confident smile of a man fully aware of the sexual power he had over women. It was a dark, menacing smile that said no matter how dirty and humiliating his desires, he knew women would fall over themselves for the chance to fulfill them. I knew I would! Tie me up, tie me down, hurt me, fuck me, use and abuse me; anything, absolutely anything, for you Eddie! Just take me to bed now! Please! Oh God, please, Eddie!

"I'll be back about eleven."

"Okay sweetheart. Have a lovely evening."

I could have cried as I watched him walk away.

.

Eddie was still out. I don't know why it made me uneasy but it did. I lay there, huffing and puffing at the ceiling, until I could stand it no more. I was almost willing Jamie to wake up so I would have something to do. In the end I got up and made a drink, before settling on the sofa to watch something. I can't even remember what was it was, I was so preoccupied. He went out every Friday and I'd never lost a second's sleep over it but tonight it made me restless. Earlier, I'd put a short nightie on rather than my usual security service approved pyjamas; prettier, more feminine, I'd thought at the time. 'Mutton dressed as lamb' I thought crossly now. There'd been something about Eddie when he left. He'd gone to some effort and I have to admit he looked smoking, but it wasn't just the sexy shirt or the new jeans. There was a look in his eye. I can't quite explain it but you know what I mean, something a bit like mischief only darker. I'd watched him go and thought 'I'm married to the hottest guy on the planet' and I'd decided that when he got home I'd make sure he knew how much I appreciated him. So, I'm sitting on the sofa shaved, trimmed, moisturised, primped and ready to go. I've got my sexiest bedwear on. My hair is washed and dried and my make up is freshly redone and tasteful. No point putting a lot on if I was hoping to do the nasty with Ed, it'd just get smeared across both our faces and we'd end up looking like a couple of clowns who were melting! Mind you, I quite liked seeing my lipstick smeared across Eddie's face; a visible mark of the delicious things we were up to; a viscerally satisfying mark of ownership.

Whatever program was on finished and I clicked the TV off. Whilst I pondered what else to do I heard the sound of his key in the door. When he walked in he started guiltily. He needn't have bothered, I didn't care what time he got home, I just cared that he was home. And just hoped he wasn't too tired! I'd been winding myself up for this since the minute he left.

"Hey baby!"

"Made me jump. Thought you'd be in bed."

Okay, he obviously hadn't noticed the effort I'd gone to yet. That was alright, there was only one lamp on, it was a little dark. "No. Couldn't sleep." I unfurled my legs from under me and trotted over to kiss his cheek. "Can I get you anything?" I knew I was smiling my naughty smile but I couldn't stop myself.

"No thanks, love. Think I'll turn in." No reaction. None at all. That was a slap in the face!

"Fine!" I flopped back on the sofa and snapped the telly on. Don't be cross, I advised myself, he's tired. Sometimes you're the one who's too tired for sex. Yes, but I'm never too tired to at least notice.

For the first time since he'd walked in, he looked straight at me. "Sorry. You look nice."

Nice? I pulled my 'fuck you' face at him. I hadn't realised how much I'd been dying for him to come home.

"You want me to sit up with you?" Eddie offered.

"No!" I snapped back. Of course I do, you moron! I didn't get all done up like the Whore of Babylon because I was bored.

He hovered uncertainly and wounded pride made me think evil things at him.

"I love you." It sounded like I'm sorry. That was weird. Eddie never apologised for anything unless he'd crossed the line with both feet.

"I love you too." Said like 'I hate your guts, go on, fuck off to bed and leave me alone.'

His head tilted and a little smirk appeared. "Grace?"

"What?!" Just fuck off will you! Channel surfing furiously.

"You feeling...frisky?"

"Was." Now fuck off!

The smirk got a bit wider as possibilities began to circle. "You cross cos I'm late?"

"Don't know what you mean."

"I mean, have you been sitting up waiting for me and you're put out because I'm late back?"

"No! Yes. No, I'm put out because you...you didn't even notice." I gestured at the nightie and everything.

"Sorry. I'm noticing now."

"Don't bother." I switched the telly off and threw the remote on the chair. Eddie laughed and that just twisted my guts even more. I'm normally a very easy going sort of person but for some reason a red mist was forming and I could have cheerfully swung for him.

"Come here, sweetheart."

"No!" I tried to stalk past him and flounce off.

A long, strong arm caught me and pulled me in to him. "Don't be like that, my lover." He smirked.

Don't do that, Eddie! Don't smirk at me, don't laugh at me. I'm over worked and exhausted but I still have gone to a lot of effort for you tonight. Do not laugh at me, you selfish, thoughtless prick! I could feel my eyes tearing up. "Just forget it." I tried to push him off.

"Hey, hey, hey!" As fast as I could peel his arms off me, new ones seemed to be sprouting and winding round me. "Come on, Grace. Calm down."

"Just get your hands off me!" Still struggling.

"No, calm down."

"Don't you tell me to calm down!" Seriously annoyed now. The more worked up I got, the more amused he got. "Just fuck off, Eddie!"

The smile disappeared and a big warning finger waved in my face. "Do not speak to me like that!"

"Or what? You'll leave me? Well, if I go to this much effort and you neither notice nor appreciate it, maybe you should!" Absolutely steaming now. "Maybe you should find yourself someone else if I don't do it for you anymore. This is as good as it gets and if my best isn't enough for you then just fuck off!" I may have been shouting a bit at this point.

"I told you not to speak to me like that." He was very quiet. He looked stricken and immediately I was gutted for what I had said. The thought that something I'd said had really hurt him horrified me. I didn't want him to go and I wanted to tell him that I hadn't meant that to come out the way it sounded; I'd been furious but the thought that I'd caused him pain banished it instantly.

"I'm sorry." And I meant it. "I'm really sorry, Eddie. I know that sounded like I have no respect for you but I do. I noticed how much effort you'd made to look good tonight and I thought if I tried too..."

What had I thought? Basically that we'd have the kind of dirty, explosive sex that we hadn't had in a while.

His expression mellowed to confusion.

"You're the most important thing in my life. It hurts so much that you don't want me." I wasn't explaining myself very well at all. He looked hurt and guilty again. "You looked so good tonight Eddie, and it seems like you never try that hard for me anymore." Once I'd said it aloud, something seemed to crystallise. I looked him straight in the eye, praying it wasn't going to be confirmed. Dark brown pools of unhappiness darkened even more with anger. Shit!

"Is that really what you think?" The softness with which he said it genuinely frightened me. "You didn't think that maybe I was just tired? Or not in the mood? You didn't get the attention you wanted so you just leapt to the conclusion that I'm...?" He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Until ten seconds ago, no, the idea had never occurred to me." But now he'd said it... My turn to look stricken.

I watched his face flush with anger. "So, because I didn't leap on you and stick my dick in, the moment I walked through the door, I must be seeing someone else?"

My turn to be lost for words. I'd been moody so I couldn't really complain if he got stroppy in return. I'd made him cross. I'd just wanted him to desire me the way I desired him. But that look on his face. That was more than 'I don't feel like it tonight' guilt. The bottom dropped out of my world.

A devastated, "Eddie? Please, no!" It was all I could manage. I could barely breathe.

His turn to be furious. "Is that really what you think of me?"

I couldn't answer him.

"Right then!" His hand gripped my arm so tightly that it hurt. "If that's what it takes to convince you!" He started manhandling me.

"What the Hell are you doing?"

"I'm going to fuck some sense in to you."

"You are not!"

"You started it! By the time I'm done with you, you won't know which way is up!"

He dragged me, struggling and twisting, through the kitchen. I almost managed to break free but found myself pinned front against the fridge for my trouble. Eddie held both my wrists over my head easily with one hand.

"So?" His pelvis pressed hard against my bottom. "This what you wanted?" He bumped and ground on me as I tried to wriggle free.

His free hand reached round and grabbed a breast; a big hand that squeezed so hard it made me wince. "Stop it!" I hissed at him.

"Why? This is what you wanted." He hissed back. "You wanted proof that there's only you. You're going to get it!"

The hand let go of my boob and began to pull my nightie up.

"Stop it!" Struggling frantically to get away now.

"Shut up!" An angry finger was pushed roughly inside me followed by a sharp intake of breath. For a heartbeat neither of us moved. There was a quiet, "Oh Grace!" followed by soft, warm lips on my neck. A low voice with a soft accent whispered in my ear, "Tell me. I can feel it. I need to hear it. Tell me."

I closed my eyes and admitted it. "I want you. I want you so much that I can't think straight."

His hand moved and I could feel him unbuckling his belt and undoing his jeans. "Tell me again."

"I want you." I wanted all that hard manhood I could feel pressing against my back now.

"Say sorry." His whole strong, muscular body rubbing against me.

"I'm sorry, Eddie baby."

"Say you love me." Sounding hoarse now, as excited as I was.

"I love you. Oh God, Eddie, I love you so much!"

"Beg for it."

I shook my head and bit my lip to stop the words coming out.

"I promise you, you will. I will make you."

I was dragged away from the fridge and on in to our bedroom. I'm a big girl but Eddie is a powerful guy and he picked me up and threw me on the bed like a doll. I started to scramble away but he was on the bed and straddling me in a second. One hand grabbed my face and turned it to his. I couldn't pull it off even with both mine. I was going to need foundation and concealer for a few days.

"Look at me!"

I met his menacing stare and fell still.

His hand let go and slowly he unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off. I watched, mesmerised. Oh God, that chest! Rough, work hands pulled the straps of my nightdress off my shoulders and down, before cupping my boobs and teasing them. Both hands slid up on to my neck until his fingers cradled the back of my head and his thumbs forced my chin up. He leaned over and ran the tip of his tongue up my exposed throat.

"Beg for it. Beg for me." A soft hiss; seductive, thrilling, frightening.

"No!" Equally quiet but shaky and excited.

He smiled and it wasn't a pleasant one. "No?" It was a malicious, spine tingling one that thrilled me to my very core.

I tried to shake my head.

"You move and I will put you over my knee and smack your bottom so hard that you will cry. I promise you. Do you understand?"

He eased his grip enough to let me nod.

He got off the bed and you'd better believe I didn't move a muscle.

I heard the wardrobe open and I knew he was getting his toy box out. I could feel dread and excitement in roughly equal measure.

"Hmmm? What to use? Not that." Something landed on the floor. " Need to be able to move you around too much for that! Ah!" There was the chink of a chain. "Yes, these are the thing. What else?" There was the sound of more rummaging. I lay there aching for him. I would beg for him. I would beg without dignity or self respect for his sex. We both knew it. So why was I fighting him like this? Oh yeah! Because trying to resist him was almost as much fun as fucking him. Something landed on the bed next to me and I moved my head to try to look at it.

"Ah ah aah!" Eddie warned me. There were the sounds of him stripping the rest of his clothes off.

He put the box on the floor. "On to your front!"

I rolled over and he grabbed one wrist and then the other as he cuffed them behind my back. "Hmm? I like you like this." He began thoughtfully stroking the place where my the back of the tops of my thighs joined the curve of my buttocks. "We have a few behavioural issues to address, don't we? Firstly, you swore at me. In my own home. I am going to have to teach you NEVER to speak to me like that again. Secondly, you refused to beg me for it. Stupid because we both know how much you want it. So after I've made you grovel and apologise, I'm going to make you plead on your knees for it. Thirdly, when you've passed tests one and two, I am going to fuck you so hard and so well that you are never going to doubt me again."

I believe I may have swallowed, hard, at this point.

Eddie grabbed the chain between the cuffs and dragged me to the edge of the bed until I was bent over it. Then he sat along the edge of the bed with one leg over my back, pinning me down. "Okay, issue one. You are never going to tell me to fuck off, or go fuck myself, or anything of that nature, ever again. I don't appreciate being disrespected by my woman."

"You know I respect you. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't!" I shot back.

"So you think telling me to fuck off is respectful, do you?"

He'd won that point so I said nothing.

"I would never say it to you." No, he was so much stronger than me he didn't need to, he could just overpower me.

"You hurt my feelings." It was pathetic and defensive and I knew it.

"You hurt my feelings too sometimes."

I conceded defeat. "I know. And I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for swearing at you. I've already apologised once and I was sincere." He was absolutely right, I knew that.

"So you are going to promise faithfully never to speak to me like that again?"

I'd been genuinely contrite but now he was pushing me. "Are you going to promise me I'll never have cause to?"

"I'm not the one pinned down ready to have my bottom paddled." He sounded so reasonable.

What I really wanted to say was 'screw you' but in the spirit of reconciliation I buried it. There was the whistle of something traveling fast through the air, followed by the loud smack of leather on flesh, followed the most excruciating burning pain across my rump. These were followed, when I got my breath back, by a loud screech of 'you fucker!' and some really angry struggling. I mean REALLY angry; livid; murderous. How dare he! No one was ever going to beat me! Not again. I'd fucking kill him!

"Ah ah aah! Language!" He sounded almost cheerful.

Another wallop, the call of 'two!' and pain I can't describe made my eyes water. "Stop it! Do that again and I will divorce you!" I snarled in rage and pain, and I meant it.

"No, you won't." He answered me breezily. "But you won't ever tell me to fuck off again either. Ready for three?"

"NO!" I jumped before he'd even hit me.

Smack! "Promise me."

No answer. Too stunned to answer!

Smack! "Four. Promise me."

No answer. A little girl again, all alone against a grown up. Not just any grown up. The one who should have been my protector. It didn't matter what I said, it wasn't going to stop. If I could get away, if I could run and hide, that was my only chance.

"Please Grace. I don't want to do this. Just promise me. I know you are hurting. You wouldn't believe how red your arse is." His voice was relaxed and still slightly amused. Come here, you ungrateful little shit. Do you know how you ruined my life? I wish you'd never been born!

The clock ticked a few times.

"Five!"

Please Mum! Stop it! Don't hit me, Mummy!

"Six!"

At this point I started to sniffle.

"Don't cry, Gracie, just promise me. It's not so much that I'm asking, is it? Really?"

"No." I meant 'no' it wasn't so much, not 'no' I won't.

The was a heavy sigh and the sound of whatever he was hitting me with being drawn back once more.

"I promise!" I blurted.

There was a pause. "You promise what?"

I hesitated. I couldn't remember what this was about anymore. Anything, I'll promise anything. Whatever makes you happy. Whatever stops you from hitting me again.

"Seven."

Thwack!

I didn't know if I was going to pass out or vomit. In the event I didn't do either but I knew I'd gone pale enough to frighten Eddie. "Grace?" Whatever he was smacking me with was thrown on to the floor. "Grace? Speak to me!" He didn't sound quite so amused or quite so relaxed now!

I could barely hear him. I knew I was being moved back, further on to the bed.

"Grace?" Louder and clearer this time.

The dizziness passing, the burning was getting worse and I started crying for real. Pain and, worse than that, the fear. It was blurry but I could make Eddie's face out. He was scared to death now but there was a flush to his cheeks; he'd been getting off on it. Hurting me had turned him on, aroused him. That just made me cry harder.

"I loved you. I trusted you. You were supposed to care for me. How could you do this to me?" It wasn't just him I was talking to and belatedly Eddie realised the memories he was dredging up.

"Oh fuck, Grace! I'm sorry!" I was too far gone to see the irony in his choice of phrase.

Immediately the cuffs came off and he rolled me on to my back. I whimpered as my hot, raw backside hit the cold sheets that suddenly felt like burning sandpaper. There was the sound of Eddie's breath catching in his throat but he was too horrified to say anything. He lay beside me so he could wrap a leg over both mine and so his hand could pull my head to his chest. It was warm and soft and hairy and he smelt so good. This was my man, this should be the place I felt safest in the whole world. I could feel him kissing the top of my head, I could hear his mumbled 'sorry's. He was nearly as upset as me now.

"You could have just said something, you should have told me." Yup, it was all my fault! Except that wasn't what he meant. He knew he shouldn't have done it and he knew he should have thought, but he was struggling with how much of an evil shit it made him feel.

"I promise..." I muttered between sobs. Over and over. He tried to shush me but I just kept repeating it.

"I'm sorry." He began to chant back.

It was when I started begging him not to hit me anymore that he began to cry too. Fear and remorse kept us clinging to each other for what seemed like a long time. Even after the tears dried I lay there, too drained to move.

"Gracie?" A whisper.

"Yes?"

"I love you. You know that don't you? More than anything else in the world."

"I know. I love you too."

"I don't deserve you."

I was about to ask him what he meant by that when there was a loud squawk from the baby monitor. Very, VERY gingerly I climbed off the bed.

Most nights Jamie slept through but that night he'd been tired and fallen asleep early, now he was hungry. I nuked a bottle and sat, carefully, on the rocking chair in his room with him until he fell asleep again. Eddie came in and stood, naked, by the door. His watch was gone and the big ugly scar stood out like pale silvery lightning. I could tell he was still upset.

Finally, I put my little miracle back in his cot and walked past Eddie on my way to the bathroom. Much to my chagrin he followed me in. I am a big believer in personal boundaries (how poetic that I should end up with a man who has none!) and if I'm going to pee I want my privacy. I've never been on of those girls who can share a cubicle if the nightclub is packed. I tried hard not to let my irritation show when he closed the door and lent against it.

"Do you mind?" Indicating for him to leave.

"No, I don't."

"I'd like to take a leak on my own!"

"Oh, come on! I've seen you give birth!"

Yeah, I know. Some help you were, you passed out. "You're not going to leave, are you?"

"Nope."

Not surprisingly, I resisted the urge to tell him to bugger off. I pulled my nightie up and sank carefully on to the seat but the cold surface felt wonderful. I sat for a few moments, staring at the wall, before I gave in and emptied my bladder.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him.

He shrugged.

Having finished, I tried to dry myself as modestly as I could. I turned to press the handle and I caught Eddie's expression in the mirror. He looked ashamed of himself and the marks he'd left on me. Quickly I pulled my nightdress down. Whilst I washed my hands I thought about what I wanted to say.

I half turned to reach the towel and I looked at him. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

He ducked his head. "I thought it was a game. I forgot."

"I'll take that as a yes." I muttered to myself. I put the towel back and studied him. "Why are you doing this?" I repeated. I knew the answer, I just wanted to hear him say it. He was no longer tumescent but he was still horny, he still wanted sex. On Planet Eddie if we had sex then we were good. Eddie believed that sex fixed everything, even wife beating apparently.

"I'm not a complete bastard, you know!" His head was down and he was looking up through his dark lashes at me.

"I know." I really did. "So why are you in here?"

I watched him shift and squirm. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are we...finished?" That was a surprisingly coy and delicate way of putting it.

I should have been mad at him. I should have been seething. "Depends. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you like it?"

He shrugged. "Power over you. Control. Something a bit different. I forgot. You never really talked to me about what happened. You never mention it and it slipped my mind."

"It's isn't the sort of thing that pops up in every day conversation and, for the record, you are the only one who knows. I have never breathed a word of it to anyone else."

"Not even Aled?"

"Not even Aled." I could tell that pleased him. It stroked his ego to think I could tell him things I wouldn't tell anyone else, just like he was proud that I could do things with him that I would never have contemplated doing with anyone else.

"Why not? You were married to him for ten years."

I could have stroked his ego some more and told him all that crap about 'never loving someone this much' or 'being closer to him than anyone else'. I settled for the truth instead.

"I am aware of how long I was with him and I never told him about it because he never frightened me the way you did." I may have been imagining it but I was sure his chest deflated a little.

The head that had been lifting dropped again as he remembered the way he'd behaved that evening too. "Why do you put up with me?"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Because I love you to distraction. Yes, there are times when I am scared of you. Yes, you have hurt me, emotionally and physically. But the good times! Jesus Christ, Eddie! The good times with you are...are...the best times of my life."

That handsome, dark head was up now and he was smiling. It was a curious thing. The naked body in front of me was all man but that smile, that smile was a little boy's, shy and hopeful. It was a killer combo, impossible to resist. "Tell me about the good times with me."

My turn to smile. "Where do I start?"

His smile got a bit more confident.

"I know you can be a bad boy sometimes but you are MY bad boy. And when you're a good boy, you're still my bad boy. You're part of me. I would rather go through Hell with you than be in Heaven with anyone else."

Big grin now. I loved that smile so much I could weep. Tired and overwrought as I was, I thought I might anyway. I stepped forwards so my fingertips could trace my name on his chest. All sins forgiven, all I wanted was to make him happy.

"So, my love, first lesson learned. What was the second one?"

That huge, relieved grin just made me want to kiss him. So I did.

"Second issue?" I reminded him.

He shook his head and laughed. "You don't need to."

"May be I want to? May be I would like?" I teased. My turn to laugh and then I admitted, "I think that sometimes you forget that there I have only been three men in my life, and that one of them is you. I'm not as experienced as you."

"I think that's a good thing." He was deadly serious.

"Eddie, I love you to bits and I want to make you happy."

"You do!"

"I don't mind trying new..." I struggled for the words

"Kinky stuff?" Eddie offered.

"I was thinking 'experiences' but yes, kinky stuff. Its way out of my comfort zone and, to be blunt, a bit scary. You need to go easy on me, make sure I know it's a game."

Things were stirring. He was liking what he was hearing. "Would you put a blindfold on for me?"

"You do remember how much it frightens me?"

He swallowed and nodded. "I'd protect you, make you feel safe."

I smiled and nodded. "Then I would." Was I out of my tiny mind?

"Would you let me to tie you up if I promised to be gentle?"

I looked up and to the left and shrugged. "Actually, I'd like that."

We giggled a bit.

"Although," I had an after thought. "Since someone seems to have taken the skin off my backside I don't want anything touching it tonight."

"Sorry!" He did the head dip thing again. "How about you tie me up instead?"

"I like your thinking!"

He was all smiles now! Happy, happy man! Happy, rollercoaster man.

"Although..."

The smile faltered.

"There is the small matter of issue number two. I believe you require me to beg to have sex with you?"

Bless him, he looked a little embarrassed. "I was just on a bit of a power trip."

I kissed him again. "Maybe I want to."

The look on his face made everything worthwhile. "Whatever my lady wants is okay with me." He stepped back and gestured for me to go first.

I laughed and gestured to the bathroom mirror.

"Oh!" His expression suddenly owlish.

"We can go through to the bedroom if you like. I just thought you might like to watch, you know."

There was that lopsided grin he got when I'd surprised him in a good way. My goofy idiot; my insatiable, bad boy, goofy idiot. That was a laugh, when Eddie was around I was the one who was insatiable. He drove me crazy; crazy good and crazy bad. I had to kiss him again. A slow, deep, passionate kiss of the sort that can set off fire alarms. I ran my tongue over the tips of his teeth and then nipped his lip with mine. Gently, he pulled back a little.

"How much do you want me?" His whisper was soft like silk on skin.

"So much. So very much." You know that! You know what you do to me.

"What would you do for me?"

"Anything. Anything you wanted me to."

"Really?" Still seductive but a little playful too.

"Anything, Eddie. Anything at all, if it pleased you." No playing on my part, I genuinely believed it.

"And would you forgive me anything?"

"I already have."

"Would you forgive me any sin?" Clearly not quite satisfied with my answer.

A small voice in the back of my mind piped up, 'Aww shit! What's he done?' It was immediately leapt on and clubbed to death by a louder voice screaming 'Yes! I'm going to have him.'

"If you're mine and you love me I would forgive you absolutely anything. Just don't ever leave me."

The goofball was gone and the alpha wolf was back. He owned me and we both knew it.

I'm surprised the bathroom mirror didn't steam up as I sank to my knees and some fairly serious Eddie worship ensued!

