Despite an ongoing battle with addiction and
mental illness, Anthony Bourdain consistently
inspired people in many ways. He taught viewers
how to properly explore different parts of
the world, he championed women's voices, and
he revealed what it takes to deliver a picturesque
plate of food, to name a few. This is what
the last 12 months of Anthony Bourdain's life
were like.
In the year before Bourdain died, he was doing
what he did for the majority of his previous
15 years - traveling and eating delicious
food. His travel show career started with
A Cook's Tour on the Food Network, followed
by No Reservations and The Layover. His most
famous show, CNN's Parts Unknown, aired its
12th and final season in 2018.
The season premiered with a trip to a place
Bourdain had surprisingly never been, Kenya,
and was co-hosted by CNN colleague W. Kamau
Bell, who was just happy to be invited. According
to Variety, Bell said,
"It felt like I won a contest."
Bell wrote in a CNN Travel post that he'd
hang out with the crew after filming, adding,
"I was - and still am - in awe of him. It
is one thing to be an experienced and gracious
world traveler. It is another thing to be
a writer who can seemingly easily, humorously,
and profoundly sum up the human experience."
In a particularly special point in the episode,
Bourdain shared some perspective with Bell
about how he feels about his life and career,
saying,
"As soon as the cameras turn off. I f---ing
pinch myself. I can't believe I get to do
this."
In a 2016 interview with Biography.com, Bourdain
revealed,
"I should've died in my 20s. I became successful
in my 40s. I became a dad in my 50s. I feel
like I've stolen a car - a really nice car
- and I keep looking in the rear-view mirror
for flashing lights. But there's been nothing
yet."
After starting with heroin in 1980, Bourdain
quit in 1987, moving onto methadone before
spending a few years hooked on cocaine. He
told The New Yorker,
"I just bottomed out on crack."
Bourdain sank so low that he'd hunt for crack
in the carpet in his apartment, only to discover
paint chips. Bourdain also experimented with
LSD and recalled one of his trips in the 2020
Netflix documentary, Have a Good Trip: Adventures
in Psychedelics.
But by 1990, Bourdain got clean. He survived
when so many of his friends didn't and managed
to spend the rest of his life off the hard
stuff. As he explained to BUILD,
"I’d like to feel good tomorrow, I don't
want to hate myself, I know what that's like."
Well, except for booze, which he drank liberally
in the final 12 months of his life. Bourdain
told Men's Journal in 2014,
"You see me drink myself stupid on my show
all the time. And I have a lot of fun doing
that. But I'm not sitting at home having a
cocktail. Never, ever. I don't ever drink
in my house. When I indulge, I indulge. But
I don't let it bleed over into the rest of
my life."
Bourdain married twice, splitting from his
second wife in 2016. While the divorce was
never finalized, the two amicably moved on,
and Bourdain quickly met someone else who
captured his heart. Bourdain met Italian actress
and filmmaker Asia Argento while filming an
episode of Parts Unknown, and they hit it
off. Argento's friend Rose McGowan wrote in
an open letter following Bourdain's passing,
"When Anthony met Asia, it was instant chemistry."
Bourdain and Argento started to collaborate,
and she directed a season 11 episode in Hong
Kong. Shortly before his passing, Bourdain
told Indiewire,
"I'd love to have her [as] a continuing director.
I just don't think we can afford her. But,
my god, I'd love nothing more than to repeat
the experience. She made it incredible."
Matt Walsh, who'd worked with Bourdain since
2005, told Vanity Fair the host had changed
over the years. On shoots, he sometimes seemed,
quote, "distracted or grumpy." But the Hong
Kong episode with Argento was different. Walsh
admitted,
"He and Asia looked really in love. They really
dug each other."
Following the bombshell allegations against
Harvey Weinstein in 2017, Bourdain did what
so many refused to do - he spoke out in support
of women. In a Medium post following allegations
against fellow chef and longtime friend Mario
Batali, he wrote,
"In these current circumstances, one must
pick a side. I stand unhesitatingly and unwaveringly
with the women. Not out of virtue, or integrity,
or high moral outrage - as much as I'd like
to say so - but because late in life, I met
one extraordinary woman with a particularly
awful story to tell, who introduced me to
other extraordinary women with equally awful
stories."
Of course, the woman he was talking about
was Argento, who was one of Weinstein's accusers
and someone he supported wholeheartedly. When
Argento addressed the Cannes Film Festival
to call out people in the industry for years
of neglecting to stop Weinstein's abuse, Bourdain
was tremendously proud. He told IndieWire,
"It was absolutely fearless to walk right
into the lion's den and say what she said,
the way she said it."
But while Bourdain didn't hesitate to point
the finger at others, he also admitted his
complicity, saying,
"To the extent which my work in Kitchen Confidential
celebrated or prolonged a culture that allowed
the kind of grotesque behaviors we're hearing
about all too frequently is something I think
about daily, with real remorse."
It's incredible that Bourdain found the time
in between all his travels, TV shows, and
celebrity cooking to be a prolific writer,
but he did. Aside from the tell-all that launched
him to fame, Kitchen Confidential, Bourdain
wrote a collection of books, including a crime
thriller, a historical nonfiction, a graphic
novel, and several cookbooks.
In the last 12 months before he passed, Bourdain
was working on one final book, World Travel:
An Irreverent Guide, co-authored by his longtime
assistant Laurie Woolever. She wrote in CNN
Travel that having to finish the book herself
was extremely difficult, saying,
"It's been a wrenching, lurching struggle
to get back to that manuscript, as I grieve
the enormous loss of his kind, profane, surprising
and brilliant existence; I've been buoyed
and motivated by the work that my colleagues
have done to manifest a beautiful, if heartbreaking,
final season of Parts Unknown, without the
usual expository writing and post-production
input from Tony."
She told Food & Wine,
"We had really just gotten started on it when
he died, so very fortunately for me I have
this wonderful blueprint of what he wanted."
Travel can be exhausting for anyone, but imagine
doing it more than 250 days a year. A source
told People that all that travel for Parts
Unknown left Bourdain "absolutely exhausted"
in the final months of his life. The insider
said,
"​His travel schedule was grueling and he
often seemed quite beat-up from it, as anyone
would be. He'd put everything into the shoots
and then go back to his room to isolate."
Bourdain was a perfectionist and left no time
for himself when the shooting was finished,
the source explained, adding,
"He pushed himself extremely hard. Most producers
and crew don't work on every single episode,
it's just too much especially if you have
a family. But that wasn't an option for Tony."
In an interview published a month before he
died, Bourdain told People magazine he'd considered
retiring but just couldn't do it. He explained,
"I gave up on that. I've tried. I just think
I'm just too nervous, neurotic, driven. I
would have had a different answer a few years
ago. I might have deluded myself into thinking
that I'd be happy in a hammock or gardening.
But no, I'm quite sure I can't. I'm going
to pretty much die in the saddle."
To those who knew Bourdain, he was happy and
focused on his work - how couldn't he be?
He had the best job in the world.
"So, back in Vietnam. One of my favorite places
on Earth and all of the things I need for
happiness."
But Bourdain did speak about loneliness and
depression, including in a 2016 episode of
Parts Unknown. He explained,
"I feel like Quasimodo the hunchback of Notre
Dame - if he stayed in nice hotel suites with
high-thread-count sheets, that would be me.
I feel kind of like a freak, and I feel very
isolated."
"It was a dark place, dark, very dark low
moment."
In that same episode, Bourdain talked about
feeling depressed, saying,
"I will find myself in an airport, for instance,
and I'll order an airport hamburger...Suddenly
I look at the hamburger and I find myself
in a spiral of depression that can last for
days."
But Bourdain indicated that he didn't think
people would take his feelings seriously because
he has what he calls the "best job in the
world." He added,
"That guy over there loading sausages onto
the grill, that's work. This is not so bad.
It's alright. I'll make it. It's like that
with the good stuff too. I have a couple of
happy minutes there where I'm thinking life
is pretty good."
In the days before Bourdain passed, Asia Argento
was photographed holding hands with another
man. This sparked outrage online, and Argento
was blamed for what happened - but she told
the Daily Mail that people didn't understand
the nature of their open relationship. She
explained that because of his hectic travel
schedule, monogamy wasn't possible for them,
and that was fine.
"When we saw each other we took really great
pleasure in each other's company. But we are
not children."
She went on to say,
"People need to think that he killed himself
for something like this?...I understand that
the world needs to find a reason. I would
like to find a reason too. I don't have it.
Maybe I would feel some solace in thinking
there was something that happened."
Two years on from his death, Argento posted
a photo of herself with a puffy face on Instagram,
saying,
"You want pain? Here's the pain. No filter
needed. Two years without my love."
Whether you watched his show, read his books,
or looked up to his skills as a chef, Bourdain's
passing hit like a punch in the gut. Former
President Barack Obama, who famously shared
a meal with Bourdain in Vietnam, tweeted,
"He taught us about food - but more importantly,
about its ability to bring us together. To
make us a little less afraid of the unknown.
We'll miss him."
Chef Eric Ripert also shared his sympathies,
tweeting,
"Anthony was my best friend. An exceptional
human being, so inspiring & generous. One
of the great storytellers who connected with
so many. I pray he is at peace from the bottom
of my heart. My love & prayers are also [with]
his family, friends, and loved ones."
But it wasn't just celebrities who were hit
hard. CNN did a call-out to fans to share
their thoughts of Bourdain and received an
overwhelming response - thousands of notes,
comments, and messages of support. According
to Forbes, chefs declared June 25th - Bourdain's
birthday - to be Bourdain Day in remembrance
of their colleague.
On June 8th, 2018, Bourdain was shooting an
episode for the twelfth season of Parts Unknown
in a small village in France. According to
The New York Times, Bourdain skipped dinner
and went straight to his hotel room. The next
morning, when he didn't arrive for breakfast
with chef Eric Ripert, the receptionist went
to his room and found Bourdain's body. Police
investigators found no narcotics in his system.
Bourdain's body was cremated there in France,
and his family held a small ceremony. His
mother said,
"He would want as little fuss as possible."
Speaking to Today, Bourdain's brother Chris
said the death illuminated how sadly common
suicide is, adding,
"Suicide is something more common than I ever
thought...But nobody ever wants to talk about
it. It's the elephant in the damn room. Everybody
has suicide in their life somewhere."
If you or anyone you know is having suicidal
thoughts, please call the National Suicide
Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
