WE'RE COMING TO YOU FROM THE
UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA'S
ANNENBERG CENTER WHICH MEANS THE
"DAILY SHOW" IS OFFICIALLY IN
PHILADELPHIA, BABY.
WE'RE HERE.
WE MADE IT HERE.
WEEK TWO OF THE CONVENTIONS.
LAST WEEK WAS CLEVELAND.
AND THIS WEEK WE'RE CLEARLY IN
THE MANLIEST CITY IN AMERICA.
BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS CITY
IS ABOUT MEN, EVERYTHING.
IT'S THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE.
HOME OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS.
YEAH.
BOYZ II MEN.
( LAUGHTER )
YEAH.
LIKE, EVEN THE FOOTBALL TEAM IS
THE EAGLES.
THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT HAS
MALE-PATTERN BALDNESS, THE ONLY
ONE.
HAUGH LAUGH
I MEAN, ON TOP OF THE CITY HALL
TOWER I SAW A STATUE OF WILLIAM
PENN WITH HIS DICK OUT.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS PEEING ON
PHILADELPHIA.
AND HERE'S WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT
ALL OF THIS.
ALL THIS MASCULINITY, AND THIS
CITY MADE HISTORY BY NOMINATING
AMERICA'S FIRST MAJOR PARTY
FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'RE SO EXCITED.
WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT IT.
WE HAVE A GUEST TONIGHT, THE
CHAIRMAN OF HILLARY CLINTON'S
CAMPAIGN.
JOHN PODESTA WILL BE JOINING US,
WHICH IS REALLY EXCITING.
SO TO GET STRAIGHT INTO IT.
LAST NIGHT WAS START OF THE
DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
THEY HAD THE BIGGEST SPEAKERS
THAN A STRETCH HUMMER.
THEY HAD CORY BOOKER, ELIZABETH
WARREN, ELIJAH CUMMINGS, AND, OF
COURSE, SENATOR DEMI LOVATO.
EVA LONGORIA WAS THERE, SARAH
SILVERMAN, AND THIS WAS JUST
NIGHT ONE.
AT THIS RATE ON THURSDAY THEY'LL
BRING OUT, LIKE, ABRAHAM
LINCOLN.
HE WILL COME OUT AND BE LIKE, "I
CAME BACK TO VOTE FOR HILLARY
CLINTON.
AND TO SEE THE REST OF THAT PLAY
WAS WATCHING.
( LAUGHTER )
THIS TIME I WANT TO SIT IN THE
BACK."
SO MANY STARS, SO MANY STARS.
AND JUST LIKE-- JUST WHEN YOU
WERE LIKE, YOU KNOW, HOW CAN
THEY TOP ALL THIS?
HOW CAN THEY IMPROVE ON THIS?
IS WHEN THEY BROUGHT IN THE
SUPERNOVA, MICHELLE OBAMA.
>> TODAY, I WAKE UP EVERY
MORNING IN A HOUSE THAT
WASSIBILITY BY SLAVES.
AND I WATCH MY DAUGHTERS
TWO BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT BLACK
YOUNG WOMEN PLAYING WITH THEIR
DOGS ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN.
>> Trevor: I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE
CHEERED EARLY ON THE SLAVES
PART.
THEY WERE EXCITED.
"I GREW UP IN A HOUSE BUILT BY
SLAVES."
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "I LIVE IN A
HOUSE--" YAY!
BUILT BY SLAVES.
I FELT BAD FOR REPUBLICANS LAST
NIGHT, WHATEVER YOUR POLITICS,
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THESE DAYS
THEY CAN'T BRING THAT KIND OF
STAR POWER.
THEY DON'T HAVE A MICHELLE
OBAMA.
THEY HAVE A MICHELLE OBAMA
TRIBUTE.
IT WAS ALMOST A DISASTER FOR THE
DEMOCRATS.
FOR MOST OF THE DAY IT SEEMED
THE PARTY WAS GOING TO RIP
ITSELF APART FROM THE SEAM
BECAUSE THE DAY STARTED LIKE
THIS.
>>ANG ROY VOICES IN THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>> DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ,
FORCED TO RESIGN AMID A MASSIVE
E-MAIL LEAK SHOWING D.N.C.
STAFFERS FAVORING HILLARY
CLINTON OVER BERNIE SANDERS
DURING THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY.
>> THE ABRUPT RESIGNATION COMES
AFTER AN E-MAIL HACKING SCANDAL
AT THE D.N.C.
>> Trevor: ANOTHER ONE?
ANOTHER E-MAIL SCANDAL?
OH, THE DEMOCRATS GIVE UP MORE
WITH ( BLEEP ) E-MAILS THAN A
NIGERIAN PRINCE.
IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT IT IN THE
NEWS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
SOMEONE HACKED THE D.N.C.,
POSSIBLY THE RUSSIANS, LEAKING
19,000 OF THEIR E-MAILS.
NOW, FORTUNATELY, THERE WERE NO
NEWS, BUT THE PRIVATES THAT WERE
EXPOSED SHOWED PARTY OFFICIALS
PLOTTING AGAINST BERNIE SANDERS
DURING THE PRIMARIES.
IN THE WAKE OF THE CONTROVERSY,
CLEARLY THE DEMOCRATS HAVE A
PROBLEM MANAGING THEIR E-MAIL.
FORTUNATELY, JORDAN KLEPPER AND
HASAN MINHAJ HAVE A PLAN.
>> HASAN AND I TEAMED UP TO HELP
PREVENT DEMOCRATS FROM REPEATING
THEIR ELECTRONIC MISTAKES.
>> IT'S HARD TO SECURE THE
E-MAILS.
>> I THINK CYBER-SECURITY IS
GOING TO BE ONE OF THE HOTTEST
ISSUES THAT FACES THE NEXT
PRESIDENT.
>> DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE?
>> YEAH, YEAH, I DO.
>> CAN I SEE THIS?
SO...
( LAUGHTER )
>> I THINK IT DOESN'T REFLECT
WELL ON THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>> I CAN SEE YOUR CELL PHONE
REAL QUICK?
>> SURE.
>> SO, YEAH.
>> OH, MY GOD!
( APPLAUSE )
>> DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE?
>> YEAH, YEAH, I DO.
>> OKAY, COOL.
I CAN SEE?
SO-.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> COOL.
>> Trevor: THANKS, GUYS, GOOD
JOBS.
AND P.S., HASAN WAS ARRESTED
AFTER THAT PIECE.
( LAUGHTER )
AND JORDAN WAS GIVEN A STERN
WARNING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, THE DEMOCRATS-- THE
DEMOCRATS RESPONDED TO THIS LEAK
BY ASKING D.N.C. CHAIR DEBBIE
WASSERMAN SCHULTZ TO STEP THE
( BLEEP ) OUT OF HERE.
BUT THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE,
YOU KNOW.
BERNIE SANDERS SUPPORTERS WENT
CRAZY.
THE D.N.C. COULDN'T DO ANYTHING
TO CALM THEM DOWN.
THEY APOLOGIZED TO BERNIE.
THEY APOLOGIZED TO HIS
SUPPORTERS.
THEN THEY ASKED BERNIE TO TALK
TO HIS OWN SUPPORTERS WHICH IS A
GOOD PLAN BECAUSE IF BERNIE FANS
WOULD LISTEN TO ANYONE, THEY
WOULD LISTEN TO HIM.
>> WE HAVE GOT TO ELECT HILLARY
CLINTON AND TIM KAINE.
( BOOING )
THIS IS THE THE REAL WORLD THAT
WE LIVE IN.
>> Trevor: WHAT?
YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE BERNIE
SANDERS.
HE SPENT THE LAST YEAR TEACHING
PEOPLE TO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE
DREAM-- UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE,
TRILLIONS IN INFRASTRUCTURE,
FREE COLLEGE, ALL PAID FOR WITH
HISTORIC TAX HIKES.
AND NOW IN A ROOM FULL OF THE
PEOPLE WHO LOVE THOSE IDEAS HE'S
COMING OUT LIKE A DISILLUSIONED
PETER PAN.
"CLAP ALL YOU WANT.
TINKER BELL IS NOT COMING BACK.
THIS IS REAL LIFE."
( APPLAUSE )
AND WHAT'S EVEN CRAZIER TO ME IS
THAT HIS OWN FANS ARE BOOING
HIM.
"WE LOVE YOU BERNIE!
WE'D FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE."
"I THINK WE SHOULD VOTE FOR
HILLARY."
( BLEEP ) YOU OLD MAN.
EVEN THE BIRDS LANDING ON HIS
PODIUM HAVE CHANGED THEIR TUNE.
LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
ALL DAY LONG, THE BERNIE CAMP,
THE BERNIE OR BUST CAMP WERE
MARCHING AROUND PHILLY BOOING
EVERYTHING AND THE BEST NEWS
TEAM WAS THERE TO ASK JUST HOW
SERIOUS THE FANS WERE.
>> WE WANTED TO SEE IF BERNIE'S
PLEAS WOULD CHANGE THE MIND OF
HIS MOST HARD-CORP SUPPORTERS.
YOU AGREE WITH BERNIE YOU HAVE
TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP
TRUMP?
>> YES.
>> WHICH MEANS ALSO VOTING FOR
HILLARY?
>> NO.
>> I'M NOT VOTING FOR CRUMP OR
HILLARY CLINTON.
>> CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WITHOUT
DOING YOGA?
>> VOTING FOR HILLARY IS A VOTE
TO STOP TRUMP WHICH IS WHAT
BERNIE WANTS, RIGHT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> SO YOU'LL VOTE FOR HILLARY?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> I WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT YOU
WERE SAYING TO ME AND REJECT IT
AS NOT EVEN THE POINT OR THE
QUESTION THAT SHOULD BE BEING
ASKED.
>> WHAT QUESTION SHOULD BE BEING
ASKED?
>> UM...
>> THE MOVEMENT IS MUCH MORE
THAN BERNIE SANDERS.
>> SO YOU SUPPORT TAKING BERNIE
DOWN.
>> IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES,
THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES.
>> THAT'S SOME "GAME OF THRONES"
BLEEP RIGHT THIS.
>> Trevor: BEFORE I CAME TO
PHILLY I WAS TOLD TWO THINGS--
CHEESE STEAKS AND BOOING.
LIKE PHILLY FANS ARE NOTORIOUS
FOR BOOING ANYTHING.
IN FACT, WHEN WE LANDED IN
PHILLY, THE PILOT WAS LIKE,
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE
LANDED SAFELY IN PHILADELPHIA."
AND THE CROWD WAS LIKE, "ABOUT
OO!"
AND LAST NIGHT AT THE D.N.C.,
BERNIE FANS HAD THE SAME PHILLY
SPIRIT.
>> HILLARY CLINTON AND TIM KAINE
WANT TO BUILD AN ECONOMY THAT
WORKING FOR EVERYONE, NOT JUST
FOR PEOPLE AT THE TOP.
(
( BOOING ).
>> HILLARY CLINTON, BECAUSE OF
HER--
( BOOING ).
>> DONALD TRUMP?
WELL, LIKE MOST REPUBLICANS, HE
CHOOSES TO REJECT SCIENCE.
( BOOING )
>> OPENLY DISCRIMINATE AGAINST
GAYS AND LESBIANS.
( BOOING )
THAT'S DONALD TRUMP'S AMERICA.
>> Trevor: OKAY, CAN I SUGGEST
SOMETHING REAL QUICK?
LET ME SUGGEST SOMETHING.
I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE LIKE BOOING,
BUT WE NEED SOME BOOING CLARITY.
YOU CAN'T GIVE THE SAME BOOS TO
HILLARY AS DISCRIMINATION OF GAY
PEOPLE.
IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.
I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.
IN MOST PARTS OF AFRICA WE HAVE
TWO DISTINCT DIFFERENT TYPES OF
EXPRESSIONS FROM A CROWD.
ALL RIGHT.
BOOING IS FOR AN INDIVIDUAL.
YOU BOO A PERSON.
IF SOMETHING SHOCKS YOU OR IS
UNBELIEVABLE THEN YOU GO-- AHHH!
IF SOMEONE IS ON STAGE AND GOES,
"PEOPLE ARE BEING ROBBED EVERY
DAY."
YOU'RE LIKE, "AAAHH."
AND "I AM THE ONE ROBBING YOU."
"BOO."
YOU HAVE TO SEPARATE THEM.
THIS IS WHY MICHELLE OBAMA IS
SUCH A SUPER STAR.
IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS CHAOS
SHE STEPPED INTO THE BOOS AND
LIKE A REVERSE MOSES SHE BROUGHT
BOTH SIDES TOGETHER.
AND WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT WAS
IN COMPLETE CONTRAST TO WHAT WE
SAW IN CLEVELAND BECAUSE IT
SHOWED THAT THERE'S MORE THAN
ONE WAY TO UNIFY PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW, THE REPUBLICAN
CONVENTION UNITED PEOPLE IN
THEIR FEAR AND HATRED.
THE DEMOCRATS WERE EQUALLY
SHAMELESS BUT IN THE OTHER
DIRECTION.
INSTEAD OF FEAR MONGERING THEY
WERE HOPE MONGERING.
>> WE MUST INSTILL HOPE IN EVERY
AMERICAN.
>> LOVE AND HOPE.
>> OUR PARTY HEARS EVERY VOICE
AND EMPOWERS EVERY PERSON.
>> ALL OF US ARE READY FOR AN
AMERICA THAT REJECTS
DISCRIMINATION AND EMBRACES
DIVERSITY.
>> AMERICA REMAINS A WELCOMING
NATION.
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE SAYINGS IS
AN AFRICAN SAYING AND IT SAYS,
"IF YOU WANT TO GO FAST, GO
ALONE BUT IF YOU WANT TO GO FAR,
GO TOGETHER."
>> Trevor: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S ACTUALLY A COMMON AFRICAN
SAYING BUT IT'S KIND OF OUTDATED
SINCE WE GOT UBER.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
NOW WHEN WE HANG OUT WE'RE MORE
LIKE, "IF YOU WANT TO GO SOON,
MY DRIVER KEVIN IS THREE MINUTES
AWAY."
THE REAL TEST HOWEVER OF THE
PARTY'S UNITY CAME AT THE END OF
THE NIGHT WHEN THE SOCIALIST SEX
SYMBOL HIMSELF GOT UP ON TO THAT
STAGE TO SPEAK.
>> ANY OBJECTIVE OBSERVER WILL
CONCLUDE THAT BASED ON HER IDEAS
AND HER LEADERSHIP, HILLARY
CLINTON MUST BECOME THE NEXT
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND I AM PROUD TO STAND WITH HER
TONIGHT.
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
>> Trevor: WOW.
JUST LIKE THAT.
BERNIE'S 2016 RUN WAS OVER.
AND IT REALLY WAS A BITTERSWEET
MOMENT FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED,
ESPECIALLY FOR THE LIBERAL WING
OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, SOME OF
WHOM WERE ACTUALLY IN TEARS AS
BERNIE DELIVERED HIS SWAN SONG.
THERE WERE SO MANY WHITE WOMEN
TRYING I THOUGHT PINTEREST HAD
DIED.
( LAUGHTER )
IT REALLY WAS AN MEASURE DAY,
WHICH KIND OF REMINDS ME OF
ANOTHER AFRICAN SAYING, WHICH
TRANSLATED MEANS THESE AMERICANS
ARE ( BLEEP ) CRAZY, EH?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
