*Wa-pssh!*
Top o' the mornin' to ya, laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome your beautiful faces to back Guts...
(Russian accent) ...and Glory Greatest!
Haven't played this game in a LONG time. The last time, there was even less characters...
...than there are now.
They've added a bunch of stuff. Now there's a lot more community levels and everything, so I thought it'd be a good time to come back and play it.
Let's play...
Wait, are there more community tracks than there were before?
No.
(burps)
Ugh, God, I'm full of BURPS!
Okay. Let's play some community tracks, because is where the heart of it lies.
It's like a Happy Wheels situation going on.
And I did download a bunch because these are the top rated ones.
So I don't know. I might have played some of these before. I might not have. I can't remember, honestly.
I'm just gonna jump in and have fun. And you're gonna watch and laugh.
You better!
John and Jimmy - nah, it's good ol' Billy and Bobby - or Jack and Jill!
This one has my name in it!
Well, technically, "Sean" is the Irish "John", so they both my name in it.
(singing) Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
(kind of singing) Jack rode the bike and Jill got crushed.
(speaking by now) And the solicitors came running after.
Okay, okay- fucking cripenies!
(in-game Jack screaming in pain)
Okay, I know I'm missing my sister, but I'm also missing a leg!
Okay, we're doing this together, Jill!
There we go. (cutesy voice) There's my sister.
There's my sister - (normal voice) Hold on, okay! We're - oh, we're gonna try our best!
Okay, you're still alive. I just broke my arm. Breaking an arm is fine. You don't need arms!
Okay, Noodle Legs, come on, man!
What- I've played this level before.
I remember this level. I remember this level being pure agony.
It's okay, because I'm about to do it with Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill went down the hill.
Well, Jack did. Jill fell on her ass.
(sharp inhale)
Urrghh, son of a bitch! JILL!!
Easy does it, easy, easy does it, oh, no...
(in-game Jack screaming)
What happened!?
You know what, screw easy. Easy's for weaks!
Ooh. Ooh. Yes. Okay!
The sister is gone, the torment is over!
DAMMIT!!!
"Bring your sister on a bike ride," Mommy and Daddy said.
Didn't tell me that she was gonna crush me and my boyhood spirit!
No.
Is she about to do it on her own?
She better not!
Jill, get back here!
Ha ha ha, you fucking suck, as well!
All right, all right, all right, take it easy, take it easy.
Stop, there, stop. Stop, Hammertime.
Okay, correct. Oh yes.
Oh, yes!
Ha ha!
SPEED IS KEY!
Okay, well, slow is a type of speed, as well.
Hold it on up there now, Jackieboy.
Oh, tits.
Uh-oh, uh-oh...
(crunch)
(in-game Jack screaming)
That wasn't so bad - oh! Breakdancing bike!
You DID get me one for Christmas!
Beginning to think that this level is a bit impossible with this combination of fucks.
(Jill screams)
Ah, calm down! What are you freaking out over?
Oh, yeah. The ground.
(crunch)
(in-game Jack screams)
(IRL Jack mimics screaming)
Well, your parents did tell you to get along.
Now you're part of each other.
Alright, Billy and Bobby time!
I know that's not your names, but I'm repurposing you for my own wishes and needs.
Okay. Okay. Avoid the big balls!
That's what MY dad used to always say.
(Billy screams)
Ow! Ow! Go! What happened?
(Bobby grunts)
Billy- Motherfucker! It's all your fault!
Never have kids. Life is a lie.
(singing) Life is a highway! I wanna ride it all night long.
Come on, if Jack and Jill can get up the hill and still finish this, then surely you bastards can.
Billy?
Where's my son!?
My boy!!!
Oh, there you are, Billy! Okay. We're gonna do this.
Jack do what Jack and Jill can't.
WOOHOO!!
Yes. Yes. Oh, stay alive.
Oh, for the love of God, stay alive.
I definitely remember doing this level now.
Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm doing it!!
I'M DOING IT! Screw your rules!
Ha ha!
Can't best me, game!
(victory fanfare)
I am the master!
Whew...
Feeling warm in here after that one.
Hey, Mountains of Agony.
I didn't know if I played this already, but then it said, "As featured on Jacksepticeye's video."
That's cool!
Ohh...
"Complete 20 tracks to unlock Junior"?
The Yang Family-
Pedro!
Oh, God. Is Pedro smuggling cocaine? (laughs)
Okay, Pedro, let's go.
Oh, Christ!!!
(engine noises continue)
Okay, the whole game broke.
AH, FUCK, NO IT DIDN'T!
Go, Pedro! Keep flying, my boy!
They said it was a Wall Climb - Easy.
Oh, no. Oh, Pedro. Oh, Pedro.
(laughing a little) Oh, no, it's all coming crumbling down!
Pedro!!!
(crash)
Fuck!
I have something that can help with that. It's right there.
All right, lads, you better fuckin' hold on this time.
(singing) I would fly you to the moon and back, if you be...
(speaking) Is he dead!?
Pedro...
All the way, Pedro. (laughing) All the way. Oh, Pedro. You've looked better.
Pedro! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and space!
Oh, fuck! (laughs)
That is not good. (singing) Dun, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun...
Super easy. Super easy. Watch.
Watch. It's no problem.
Backwards, Pedro. Backwards. Now-
Oh, you're dead.
(laughs)
You said that this was easy.
You said that I could do this.
There we go. There we go. All the way, Pedro!
All the way up! GO, PEDRO!!
At least reach the top of the mountain.
Oh, Pedro... Oh, my buddy boy...
Oh, this is bad. This is bad. That's bad.
Oh, there's ketchup everywhere. Pedro.
(squelching blood and power boost noises)
Did- Did we do it?
Okay, Yang family, don't you guys let me down like fucking Pedro back there.
He's in a million bits. All we're gonna be in is Victory Town.
Oh, yes.
Oh, the Yangs...
Oh, you know what happens when a car goes up.
Oh, it must come waaay the fuck back down.
(family screaming and groaning)
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus.
Oh, hey, daughter! How's it going?
(quietly) Oh...
(singing) All the way!
(kind of singing) All... the way...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS!?
How am I supposed to finish these levels if you die as soon as you hit the fucking ramp?
That would've worked if he could stick the landing.
Come on. Stick the wheels. Stick the wheels to the tarmac and let's boogie down.
Okay, okay, we're still alive, anyway. That's good.
That means- oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Yang family!
Oh, Yang family!
It launched me back up! I'm still alive! Nothing's killing Jackaboy!
(family yelps in unison)
Except the ground.
WHOOOOO!!!!
YEAH!! YEAH!! GO!!
Oh, you sacks of testicles.
Uh-oh.
Look out below!
(crunch)
(family yelping)
Ooohhh......
Ah, we got a bunch of 'em. Zoe!
Zoe's cool. I want Junior!
(Nugget-like voice) I want Junior! I want him now!
(normal voice) I have 3 out of 15 things unlocked. Okay.
I want to try as Zoe.
This one's called The Circus of Death.
Pretty sure I might have played this one as well.
Uh-oh.
(laughing) Oh, God...
'Kay. Off to a bad start there, So-Zo.
Zoe. Zoe.
(laughs)
Zoe, come on, lady.
Okay, okay.
Yes!
Zoe!
You...
beast!
(Zoe screams)
Okay, calm down. Jesus.
Don't go losing your life over it.
All right, we're starting here now.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, ye- (laughs a little) Oh! No! Look away! Look away!
Oh, Jesus.
Easy does it. Slow and steady wins the race.
Yes.
Oh, Zoe.
(strange hissing sound from Jack)
Okay, okay, okay, oh no.
(squelch)
Oh!
(Zoe screams)
I didn't do anything.
Believe in the Zoe.
(squelch)
(Zoe screams)
There's spikes on the bottom as well.
Okay. Okay. Okay! Zoe.
A little bit of speed is necessary.
Watch.
(squelch)
(Zoe screams)
Keep trying, Zoe!
(squelch)
(Zoe screams)
Keep- Oh-ho-ho...
Ho, ho, Merry Christmas...
This is the amount of speed necessary. Watch.
(singing a fanfare)
(quickly devolves into laughter)
Ohhhhhhhh.......... my f-
It's not impossible, it's just improbable.
Ha ha!
I just bursted a tire! But that's fine! I'm about to bust a nut up in this bitch!
Yeah!!
Oh, I didn't get the next one.
Uh-oh.
(explodes)
FUCK!
Doing so good, but I didn't get the checkpoint.
(sharp inhale)
Zoe, how.
How. You're gonna have to get the checkpoint, okay?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, Zo-no!
What are you freaking out over, Zoe? All you did was lose a foot.
Oh, God. Oh, no. Zoe. Zoe, correct it.
Backwards.
(boom)
(Zoe screams)
Shit!
(laughing) I thought I had that one!
Okay.
Just look death in the eye and say "Not today"!
(boom)
Oh, I almost did it!
(Zoe slo-mo screams)
Oh, no.
(Jack mimics scream)
It's no problem, Zo-Zo.
It's no problem, Zo-Zo!
(boom)
Oh.
(singing) Ain't no stopping us now...
...except the mines.
Just believe in yourself, Zoe!
(Zoe screams)
Ooh.....
Now you have two selves.
I'm about to do it. No problem.
No problem.
(boom)
Fuck.
No problem. First try.
First try!
YEAH!!!
Boom, baby!
You're missing an arm, but you don't need arms!
This one's called Strange World.
(mysterious marimba music)
Okay.
Nothing SUPER strange yet.
Oh, no - oh, come on!
Are you serious with this?
I have to go across that?
Ohhhh, titties!
Oh, no, the mountain of spikes.
(inhale)
(splat)
Okay, you see, a good father aims his child's head at the ground so they don't have to experience the pain.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Yeah-haa!
Whooooo!!!
(Billy screams)
Eugh!
(Bobby screams)
Happy birthday!
Okay. Eugh. Eugh!
(slo-mo Bobby scream)
(Jack mimics scream)
Okay. Ok-
(Billy screams)
Okay. Okay. My boooyyy!! Oh, no...
I got him impaled!
It's okay. I'll finish it for you, son!
Don't even worry about it!
Okay.
WHOOOOOOO!!!!!
(victory fanfare)
Yeah!
Pretty sure I played that one as well.
But I feel good about myself.
"Jack and Jill:  Try to get Jack AND Jill from their house to the park and home again.
"If you get Jill killed, don't bother coming home, as Mother will be mad."
I hear someone screaming already. What did I do?
Okay. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jill was a lazy bastard sitting in the back of the carriage.
And Jack had to do all the cycling.
(buzzing)
Oh, no. Oh, no.
(in-game Jack grunts)
Oh, no. Is Jill dead?
Oh, my God. Jill's missing a head.
Ohhh, God, this is horrific!
Oh! Oh!
Aaahhh!!!!
Got it.
Just straight forward.
Super-straight forward.
(buzzing)
Super-straight forward. Jill, are you okay?
(in-game Jack grunts)
She's not even there. That's okay.
I miss my sister.
Okay, okay, Jill, hold the fuck on.
Okay? Jill, are you okay?
She's fine.
She's fine. She's holding on for dear life right now.
All right.
First checkpoint, Jill!
Oh, yes!
Uh-oh.
Oh. Jesus! Oh, God! Oh, no!
Jill! Get back in!
Easy does it. Easy does it.
Whoooaaaa, Christ!
(in-game Jack grunts)
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. We have to go back.
Jill! We have to go back!
That's a dead person. We're not supposed to see that, we're kids!
Okay. Watch this.
(in-game Jack grunts)
I got shot by someone in the bushes!
COWARD!!
Yes.
Oh, come on!
Fun for the whole family.
Quick! Jill! Run home and get my legs!
Okay. Look alive, all right?
We're gonna do this!
There's no problems!
Whoooo-hoooo!
Whoa-ho.
Okay. Jill's gone.
Of course Jill's gone. As soon as things get hard, Jill's just out of the picture.
(squelching and woman screaming)
Okay. Okay. Perfect. Perfecto.
Perfecto. Perfecto!
Get the checkpoint, for fuck's sake.
Yes! Okay, we're fine.
(sighs)
Okay.
Hang on, Jill!
(in-game Jack yells)
Ow!
Did you get that pail of water that we needed?
(Jill yells)
No. All you got was a fucking attitude.
Okay, hold on.
Oh, sweet Jesus...
Jill, I swear to God...
If you mess around in that-
(nervous stuttering)
-one more time...
(Jill screams)
...I'll kill you myself.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Eugh-oh-ho-ho.
Oh, Papa will be so proud that we're working together, Jill.
(kids grunting and screaming)
(Jack mimicking them)
(kids continue screaming)
Calm the fuck down, will you.
(kids still yelling)
I can't concentrate with all this distraction!
Where's the checkpoint? For the love of God.
No! The ne-ahh, FUCK!
How about we take turns, Jill.
How about I sit in the back and you cycle?
Wanna do that?
We defy the laws of physics, Jill!
If we can do that, we can do anything!
Ohh, Lord...
I'm freaking- I'm tailgatin'!
I'm spinning out!
(singing) What is my life? Aaa-aahhh!
Okay. Okay. Just get through the checkpoint.
Just get to the checkpoint. No more arrows. No arrows.
A-no-no! No no, Señor!
No no, none for me, please!
Okay. Aahh!
Okay. We're fine. We're fine. I got this. Watch. Watch.
Jill, come back to me!
(singing) Baby, come back!
(In-game Jack): Hey!
(IRL Jack): Hey!
We are almost home, Jill.
We are almost home! But... you're not in the freaking thing with me.
(buzzing)
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Guh! Oh!
Momma! Papa!
(In-game Jack): Hey!
Ohhhh!
Hold on, Jill.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Is she still in it?
(whack)
(IRL Jack yells)
Go AROUND the obstacle.
Jill, I'm using my human brain!
No fucking problem.
No problem!
Oh, oh, oh, my sweet summer children!
Okay, okay.
Jill, can you stop freaking out!?
Hold it together!
Yessss!
(in-game Jack screams)
...I died anyway?
I DIED ANYWAY!?
Okay, well that does it for this episode of Slaughterhouse: The Game.
Also found a fun Easter egg. If you hover over the logo and click...
(Billy and Bobby scream and die)
...bits of people go everywhere.
(Bobby screams again)
But I really enjoy this game. As silly as it is and as frustrating as it can be...
...it's just pure joy. It is like playing Happy Wheels all over again.
It's- it's fun, and I like all the community levels that people make, so...
I'm gonna come back and play more soon. But for now... (clap)
Thank you guys so much for watching this episode. If you liked it...
...punch that like button in the face like a boss!
And high fives all around.
Wa-pssh!
Wa-pssh!
But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes...
...IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
(outro music)
(sings along with title music)
