

### Through the Valleys

By Murray R Poke

Smashwords Edition 2012

First Published 1995

Copyright © 1995 – 2012 Murray R Poke

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ISBN 0 646 26099 5

Scriptures quoted are from the New King James version of the Bible unless otherwise stated and used by permission.

Some scripture quoted from Good News Bible and used by permission

Words of Song – Trust His Heart – Permission received – Word Publishing

Comments from readers of first printing

".... I am holding back a wall of tears and sadness of your losses mentioned in your book. I am so sorry for the grief you have experienced. I have no idea how a human being can be so strong and continue to walk through life while maintaining an obvious level of decency as I have seen in both of you"

Adam: South Australia

".... Thank you for your book, it has given me some good advice for when I am counselling people and it will be ready on my shelves to pass on to someone whom I think it will help..."

Rev Barry: Victoria

".... In my heart I cried for you and my eyes are still wet as I write. Ray has prayed much for you both as I was struggling with the lump in my throat... Praise God for His comfort and strength given to you both..."

June: New South Wales

".... I can't help but be struck by the verse you mentioned Grace in your epilogue, 'When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold'. That verse hit me with such impact that I find myself using it, hanging on to it, all the time..."

Leigh: Queensland

".... I wanted to let you know that your book proved valuable in our staff devotions the other morning. I photocopied page 93 for the staff... I'm sure others will find the book helpful also..."

Arthur: Fiji

This book is dedicated to

The memory of

Christine Langridge

And her brother

Matthew Poke.

To my father and mother who took all seven of us to church and encouraged us in the Christian faith

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You

are with me." Psalm 23:4

Forward

Life's journey is fraught with difficulties of various kinds. There are however, some people who seem to have to cope with more than what would seem to be their fair share. Such has been the experience of my friends Murray and Grace Poke.

I feel certain that what you will read in this book has not been easy for Murray and Grace to record. I found that while reading the draft manuscript I shed tears as my memories surrounding the illnesses and deaths of Matthew and Chris came flooding back.

Yet this is not a depressing book, for though the circumstances had the potential to be depressing, the people involved were full of faith, courage and hope in the face of the most severe difficulties. This was not something that came from themselves, but from an unshakable faith in a sovereign God whose love and faithfulness were unchangeable.

The memory of two very special people – Matthew Poke and Christine Langridge – is honoured in this book. Both of them had a godliness that far surpassed their years. They became for me a shining example of how God really can work for our good in the most severe trial.

It is a book that acknowledges the pain of life's experiences yet expresses the difference that comes through living them out in the context of faith in God. As such, it should prove an inspiration and encouragement to all who read it.

Pastor Peter Keep,

Warrandyte, Victoria, Australia.

Contents

Preface

Charles has been killed

Early Days

Life Begins

Our Life Together

Other Involvement

Life Changes

Immediate Surgery

Baby James

The Last Holiday

Head Infection

Headaches Return

Decision Made

Back Home Again

Ultimate Healing

Farewell Matthew

Jesus, Jesus

Another test of our Faith

Farewell Chris

God is a Good God

The Scars Remain

Life Goes On

Through the Valleys

Looking Forward

Epilogue by Grace

Post-script

Preface

"Your son Murray has a hare lip and requires extensive surgery!"

"Your son Charles has met with a fatal accident!"

"The tumour has returned, your son Matthew has only a short time to live. We can give him another operation and extend his life for a few months or you can let him die now!" Upon hearing this diagnosis, how would Grace and I walk to the next room and face our young nine year old son?

How does a father explain to his five year old son and his three year old sister that their mother has just passed away in the adjoining bedroom while they slept?

Where does one receive the spiritual strength and inner courage to face such difficult trials and situations in life?

Charles Has Been Killed!"

It was Monday 8th February 1961.

"Charles has been killed!" My brother Russell called as I entered the homestead driveway. As I bought the tractor to a halt, he called again. "Charles has been killed!"

"How?" I returned.

"On the bulldozer; at Montagu Swamp".

The sky was overcast. Summer had been quite dry and our farm was looking rather brown from lack of rain. I had spent the morning cultivating a sun hardened paddock at the back of the farm when the rain-drops began to fall. At about 2.30 that afternoon I stopped working the ground and drove up the road to return the tractor to my parent's place.

After hearing the devastating news I steered the tractor around to the shed. As I realised the truth of Russell's words the tears began to come. How will I be able to go inside my parent's home and face my father and mother?

It was early that morning I stood at the door of the dairy and watched my brother Charles drive past in his little green Morris Minor and disappear into the distance. I did not think for one moment that I would never see him alive again.

Charles had left that morning to resume driving a bulldozer for the Tasmanian Department of Agriculture that was in the final stages of a large return soldier's farm settlement program at Montagu Swamp, now called Togari, in the far North West of Tasmania. He had been away from work for a few days from a slight work accident he had the previous week.

Over a number of years farms were being carved out of the dense rain forest in this highly fertile valley. The forest had been cut down and the rubbish and smaller trees were pushed into windrows to let dry. After some months these rows were set ablaze. However some of the saplings were partly covered by earth and had not burnt.

It was at this stage of the land-clearing program that the bulldozers were being used to push the half burnt logs into new heaps.

Charles was just one of a number of drivers employed to assist with this clearing for the new dairy farms. When the lunch-time break arrived the men sat in a group for their usual cut lunch and cold drink. They had been eating for some minutes when one of them said, "Where's young Pokey?" Charles had not turned up at the usual spot. His dozer motor could be heard throbbing in the distance and the men thought it unusual for him to be still working.

A couple of them climbed onto one of the log heaps from where they could see the motionless dozer with its motor still racing. They ran to the spot where to their horror they found Charles laying across the controls, he was dead. He had apparently been pushing a sapling that was firmly embedded in the ground at one end, when the other end apparently flipped over the dozer blade and struck Charles on the head. Since that fatality, laws relating to bulldozer safety were altered requiring machines to be fitted with a canopy to prevent similar accidents.

What a shock that was for all the family, especially my dear mother and father. Charles had been very special being the youngest child in the family and born six years after the last sibling. At his funeral, hundreds of people came to offer their sympathy and to show respect to the family.

A couple of days after his burial, a number of family and friends visited the spot where Charles had died without even a chance to say good-bye to them. My mother had wonderful memories of that Monday morning when Charles went into her room, sat on the bed and talked for a few minutes before going to work.

Early Days

I had loved my young brother. We had laughed and played together, roamed the paddocks of our family farm together. How I ached at this loss. As I look back, I have a greater understanding of how deeply my mother and father were heartbroken by his sudden death.

My parents had worked hard together to bring up their family and earn a living from the soil, as their ancestors had done for generations.

Charles was my youngest brother, the seventh child of Charles and Hannah Poke, descendants of some of the early Tasmanian settlers. My great, great grandfather, John Poke, with his spouse Ann and their three year old son John, had left the English district of Sussex on a treacherous sea voyage around the world to Tasmania, there to make a new start in a young and promising country.

They travelled aboard the ship "Rapid" that arrived in Launceston, Tasmania on 2nd November 1840 and soon set up home in the Avoca district.

It was here, sometime later, their second child Marthann was born. Apparently John Sr was a labourer in those early days of Tasmania's European settlement and moved around different places for work, including Westbury where their third child, Luke, was born.

A couple of years later the family moved to the far north west of Tasmania and purchased eighty acres of land in the Forest district near the flourishing township of Stanley. The family grew to five boys and a girl. Their father John died at an early age of thirty six years.

At about this time, Thomas Ollington came to Tasmania from Cressingham, in Norfolk, England. He married Sarah Stearne, whom it would appear; he met on the voyage aboard the ship, The Emu that berthed in Stanley on 19th December 1841. It would seem that Sarah was only fourteen years old when she married Thomas on 22nd September 1842. Thomas and Sarah Ollington became the first European settlers at Duck River, later renamed Smithton. Their first daughter was born some time later, the oldest of a family of ten. Jane was the first white child born in Circular Head district and a commemorative plaque stands near an old tree which Jane herself planted.

Some years later Jane Ollington married William Poke, another son of John and Anne Poke. William Poke was my great grandfather. I still have memories of seeing his wife, my great grandmother Jane Poke, sitting in a rocking chair, dressed in a long black gown. I was very young at this time. Grandmother Jane died at the age of ninety nine years.

On my mother's side of the family, my great grandfather was the same Thomas Ollington who married Sarah Stearne. My mother's other forebears had sailed to Tasmania from Ireland.

I sometimes wonder what would have inspired or pressured these people to leave home, family and friends, for such a journey around the world, to begin a new life in an often harsh environment. As well as the hardships of life in the bush and different climatic conditions, these settlers also lived in fear of roaming bushrangers. They also endured the hardships of having their livestock attacked by the notorious Tasmanian Tiger, now believed to be extinct.

As I have listened to the stories of my parents about the trials of those early settlers, I wonder at times how I might have coped in similar conditions.

Life Begins

I was born towards the end of the 'great depression' (1937) that had world-wide effect between the first and second world wars. My parents were living not far from the original settler's farm at Scotchtown, just a little south of Smithton. I was born with a hare lip. What a shock this was for my struggling parents to hear the doctor say, "He will require extensive surgery". Our family doctor wanted to operate but my devoted parents obtained a loan of £500 from an uncle, so as to get specialist treatment.

When I was just six weeks old my parents took me to the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne, Victoria, to have surgery on my lip and have my nose put into its correct place. This was the first of three such trips, the second one when I was six months old and later at eighteen months. This was quite a financial burden upon the family. During the early months my mother found it necessary to express her milk and feed it to me with an eye dropper every two hours – day and night. Even whilst at the Melbourne Hospital she was required to rise from her bed, go to the ward and feed me during the night.

In 1937 during one of our stays at the Royal Children's, it was the time of one of the worst outbreaks of poliomyelitis that Australia has known. In those days there was no vaccination available for this disease and many children were being admitted to the hospital. Only by God's grace was my family and I protected from contracting this contagious disease that was claiming the lives of so many others.

My boyhood days were spent living on the family farm where we milked cows, raised calves and pigs, kept a few fowls and a number of horses. My father loved horses and had breeding stallions for many years. With seven children in our family I guess this helped us to survive the tough financial times. At fifteen years of age I left school to help on the farm.

During my young days I learnt to ride horses, drive the old draught horse and drive the trucks and tractors. By this time my father owned other properties some miles apart. I remember when I was about fourteen years of age I stayed away from school during exams to help with the harvesting of hay and I was not too popular with the teachers when I returned. For me it was much more fun to help with the harvest than to be doing a French language exam.

In 1950 I attended my first children's camp at Chudleigh in Northern Tasmania. A dedicated group were conducting these camps on a farm property called "Wesley Dale". The camps were held in an old "mansion" built in the early days of Tasmania by Mr Henry Reid of Launceston. As the house was not occupied it was hired for a couple of years to use for these children's camps. The old dwelling consisted of a large number of rooms including a banquet hall that was used for our dining room. The tables were later cleared away and the room was used for our times of singing and Bible stories. Night sessions were held by the light of kerosene lamps as electricity was not connected to the place.

I well remember a long train journey leaving Smithton at 8.40 am and travelling all day along the sea coast and through the rolling country-side to Deloraine. We changed trains at about 5 o'clock in the afternoon and then continued on a branch-line towards the Western Tiers, arriving at the farm gate at 6.00 pm. We were met there by a gentleman who drove us the last kilometre along the farm road in his car.

One of our first jobs after the evening meal was to head off to the hay shed and fill our chaff-bags with oaten straw to use as a mattress. Imagine the dust in the rooms when eight to ten boys bounced around on our beds made of straw. Mr Walter Nightingale of Launceston soon became a friend to each one of us in our group as he shared his experiences and led us in Bible discussions each day. The days were filled with the normal activities of that era including cricket and other ball games and a trip to the underground limestone caves just a few kilometres away.

A few months later I attended another camp at Longford as the old Wesley Dale Mansion was no longer available. This time we used the sheds on the local agricultural show ground. Some of us bunked down on the shelves used in the home arts section and even in the poultry pavilion. One of the most vivid memories is that of the white frosts that lay deep on the sports oval each morning. I remember having a terrible job to keep warm at night. However it was really great to sit around a large open fire each evening for a time of singing.

It was at this camp that I remember seeing a little girl with long plaits of hair down her back. It was at a boy's camp but she was there because her parents were helping to run the camp. It was my first recollection of the girl that I later married.

Not long after this particular camp, the organisers realised a need to establish a permanent location for a camping ministry and so a property was purchased on Tasmania's North West Coast just a few kilometres east of Ulverstone; now called Camp Clayton. I remember attending the first working-bee at the property when I travelled there with my father and others to assist the clearing of the bushland for the first buildings and play-grounds.

Our Life Together

It was at a teen's and twenty's camp at Camp Clayton in December 1995 that I again met the beautiful young woman that I had seen at Longford a few years earlier. Over a hundred young people were enjoying the Christmas holiday period at Camp Clayton by the sea when one wet afternoon our eyes met whilst some of us were sitting around the log fire. This was the start of a new and exciting relationship that has continued until this present day.

Living one hundred and fifty kilometres apart for a couple of years made us appreciate each other so much more when we were able to get together. It was the cause of so many kilometres being put on the clock of the little motor car and all those extra letters for the poor old postie to deliver.

Grace and I were married at Devonport in September 1958. After a short honeymoon touring Tasmania in our little Austin A30 motor car, we returned to Scotchtown and set up our new home. Our first home was a four-room cottage just a kilometre along the road from my parent's dwelling. We had very few possessions in those days. An old insurance policy I still have states that our furniture and personal effects were insured for £500 [or $1000] and the yearly premium was £1.11.7 [or $3.15]. We lived there for twenty one years, extending the house as the family increased.

Our first child Christine was born in 1959, followed by her sister Karyn three years later. We were contented with our two girls and expected this was to be our complete family.

After another ten years a new chapter in our lives began on the first day of Spring 1972, with the arrival of our son Matthew. It was such a happy time for all of us. Matthew seemed like a first child once again after a gap of many years, and with two older sisters it would have seemed like he had three mothers in the home. I remember one day when he awoke there was such a rush by his two sisters to see who would reach him first that Karyn knocked her foot hard against the wall a broke a toe.

The family now numbered three, and after another three years Michael was born. So there we were, two girls three years apart and then two boys, also three years apart. We thought that we had finished with toys and children's TV programs and disturbed nights, but having two boys now our family seemed complete. There was an advantage in having such a gap in their ages. With two teenage daughters that that meant we had our own baby sitters when required. In one sense this made things a little easier on Grace and I.

In 1959 a milking shed was built on our property and we commenced milking cows for a living. I continued this part of the farming activity for the following thirteen years. Now, I can't say that I really enjoyed this aspect of farm life as I found my daily commitment to the cow-shed quite a bore.

A significant change came towards the end of 1972 when Grace and I decided that we had milked cows for long enough. We held an auction and sold our herd with the associated equipment. We bought beef cattle to graze the property and I began selling life insurance to supplement our income. The first two weeks in 1973 were spent in Melbourne at a training course to equip me for this entirely new sales occupation. Interacting with people is quite different from handling cattle and tractors. Needless to say, I continued with this profession for only a short time!

I returned to truck driving in 1974 as my brother Russell, who had a bulldozer, was diversifying into the timber industry. He bought a small log-truck and I was employed to cart logs. I remember after the first day contemplating how I was to continue in this job as transporting a semi-load of logs is so different from carting a load of live-stock or farm produce. Nevertheless, I continued in this occupation for three years.

In 1977 an advertisement appeared in the local daily newspaper for an insurance inspector with a company that our family had insured with for years. Although I had little insurance in "general insurance" I was successful in obtaining this position. The job entailed running the Burnie office as well as servicing clients throughout the North West and West Coast of Tasmania.

For the first two years in this position we continued living in Smithton and I drove the ninety kilometres to Burnie about four days each week. I was fortunate in that the company supplied and maintained the vehicle as I drove in excess of a thousand kilometres each week.

I continued in this employment for five years until 1982 when family circumstances forced me to resign. I remained unemployed for the following year or so.

In late 1983 Grace and I purchased a second-hand furniture shop and continued with it for three years. We also established a video-hire section of Christian movies. We relinquished that business to purchase a "hot dog" franchise. This kept us occupied until we sold it in 1994.

In 1995 we joined a Christian ministry, MMM, and served full-time and part time for the following 15 years in Tasmania, Victoria and South Australia.

Other Involvements

Having Christian parents and grand-parents set a good example for my early involvement in church life. At the time of my birth my father was conducting a weekly Sunday School in a hall that was only about one hundred metres from our home.

At age of sixteen I was asked to play my piano accordion for a little Sunday School that was beginning in the country region of Mawbanna, some forty kilometres from Smithton. I accepted this responsibility and continued for ten years. I also taught classes of children at the Sunday School and assisted with other church related activities in that district.

During my late teens and twenties I also became active in other church youth activities including combined Saturday Night Rallies to which hundreds of people came to see a film or hear musical items and be challenged by a short Bible message. For a number of years I had the responsibility of securing good Christian films and screening them in halls and churches around the district. It was early days of television and so hundreds of people attended these film nights.

In 1965 a new Sunday School was started in the township of Stanley some twenty kilometres east of Smithton. Grace and I joined with others to assist this outreach. We were foundation members of a new church that was formed in that town two years later. Although we were only a very small church group we were able to buy an old building, renovate a part of it, demolish the front section and replace it with a modern façade. Many non-church people attended and some came into a closer relationship with Jesus Christ.

The year 1968 was quite significant in my life as it was during that year I became involved with a group of men who started the Riverbend Youth Centre, a Christian Youth Camp near Smithton, Tasmania. Having attended many camps, first as a camper, then later as a group leader at Camp Clayton near Ulverstone, I knew something of their value and was keen to become involved in the establishment of a local Christian Camp ministry.

Land was donated to the group that year and work began on building a youth camp centre. Many hours of work went towards the preparation and erection of the first buildings on that site.

I was privileged to be the "Camp Supervisor" at the first camp held there in January 1970 and Grace assisted with the food preparations. Throughout the next ten years Grace and I attended at least forty or so camps assisting in the many aspects of camp life. We enjoyed being there as a family and being involved in this rewarding ministry amongst the children and young people of Tasmania's North West Coast.

I remember one particular incident as Camp Supervisor. We welcomed a bus load of children from Savage River, a mining town on the West Coast of Tasmania. Tears came to my eyes when I said good-bye at the end of the week. We had grown to love and appreciate each other during those few precious days. I will never know what impact that week made on the lives of some of those children. We did however see a number of them come back again year after year.

Being involved in Christian camping, Grace and I made a point of visiting the Australian mainland a number of times to attend combined camping conventions. It was very profitable being together with like-minded people and discussing things of common interest. We learned of new and different aspects of camp work, some of which we introduced to our local camping scene.

When we left the Smithton district in 1979 to live in Burnie it was with many mixed feelings. I was leaving my church family with whom I had grown up, come to love and respect. Re-locating to Burnie, meeting new people and fitting into another church community took some time, having been active in the administration of Circular Head churches for over twenty years.

Life Changes

It was the first week-end of November 1980.

We had been living in Burnie for twelve months; Chris and Karyn had both left school and were enjoying life in the town after years on the farm. Mathew and Michael were both attending the Primary School conveniently situated just over our back fence.

Only a few weeks earlier our eldest daughter Chris married Gordon Langridge at the little church in Stanley that she attended for most of her childhood and teenage years.

Monday was a public holiday so Grace and I took the two boys for a weekend away from home. After work on Friday evening I drove the family to Launceston and stayed the night in a motel overlooking the City Park. After breakfast on the next morning we strolled through the park to see the monkey enclosure. This had been a favourite spot of ours. We visited it many times and always took our children for a look when visiting Launceston.

We eventually tired of watching the monkeys, returned to the motel, loaded up the car and set off for Hobart. We discovered that the accommodation places in Hobart were apparently booked out that weekend and so we stayed in a motel at New Norfolk, some fifty kilometres from the city centre.

It was a bitterly cold weekend and on the Sunday afternoon Grace and I took the boys for a drive to the summit of Mount Wellington which overlooks the beautiful city of Hobart. There we played in the snow which had fallen the previous night, enjoying our time throwing snowballs at each other.

On our way back to the motel we called at the home of my niece, Denyse, and her husband John. We stayed on for dinner. Denyse had prepared a lovely meal but our son Matthew was reluctant to eat very much even though he had been so active outside just an hour or two before.

On Monday morning we packed our things and drove to Hobart city for a look around the shops. On our way, Matt vomited in the car. This was most unusual for him as he was quite a good traveller. We spent a little time around the shops and the drove on to the historic township of Richmond.

The boys enjoyed watching the ducks as they swam beneath the oldest bridge in Australia. But Matthew seemed unwell all day. At this time Matthew was eight and Michael five years old.

Matt was such a bright and cheerful little boy with a very friendly, pleasant and lovable nature. He was quite intelligent and had a love for music.

During the month of November, Matthew had days when he would vomit up some of his meals and he also developed headaches. As these things persisted Grace took him to see our family doctor a couple of times. She also took him to a chiropractor thinking there may be a bone out of place that could be causing Matthew's headaches.

After two or three visits, the chiropractor suggested we take our son to another doctor who she thought may be able to help. On Saturday December 20, Matthew's head was aching very badly so Grace took him to see this doctor. Following a number of physical tests, the doctor made arrangements for Matthew to be admitted to the Burnie Public Hospital for additional tests and x-rays.

After two or three hours we were told that Matt should stay in hospital for the weekend and that we should take him to the Royal Hobart Hospital early Monday morning for a special x-ray. Our eight year old boy was not impressed about having to stay in hospital over the weekend.

Monday morning arrived and we went to the hospital where Matthew was waiting for us; then set off at six o'clock on this lovely summer morning. Fortunately we were only told that Matthew was to have a special x-ray and we didn't know any more. However we had a few personal belongings packed in a bag in case we were required to stay overnight. In the car on the way Matthew said "I'm not staying in hospital anymore. What are they going to do?" Grace and I could say that we honestly did not know.

It was a hot trip and we were pleased that we had made an early start. Upon arrival we were immediately taken to the x-ray department and Matthew was prepared for the "special x-ray". It was a large scan machine in a very modern room. Matthew was a little scared of what was happening and so I asked to remain in the room with him. I was allowed to stay but was required to wear a large protective white apron and move into a little cubicle when the actual scan was taking place. I had never been exposed to this type of situation before.

From my position I could see the radiologists operating the x-ray machine from another room. They took a "photo" of Matthew's brain and then at the touch of a button, moved the platform on which he laid, just a few millimetres for another "photo" to be taken. This happened a number of times until about ten different "photos" were taken of his brain.

When this session concluded, the platform was returned to its original position. A substance was then injected into Matt's arm from a huge needle. A similar series of x-rays were taken again.

When completed, I observed the radiologist make a phone call. Within minutes a number of doctors hurried into the room to view the array of x-ray films, making comments to each other. I suddenly experienced a bombardment of thoughts in my mind all at once, but not knowing what was actually happening.

The door opened and the nurse came in and helped Matthew to his feet again. She then escorted him to another room for yet another x-ray. Grace was brought into the room where I stood with the doctors. The neurosurgeon then announced that Matthew had a brain tumour the size of a man's fist.

A brain tumour! No! How would he get that? What was the cause? Questions raced through my mind. We had hardly ever heard of a brain tumour and it was a terrible shock to be told that our eight year old son had one growing inside his head. The surgeon was surprised that Matt was still reasonably well and that he had not begun having fits because the size of the tumour would have been causing extreme pressure against Matthew's brain.

Immediate Surgery

"He will require immediate surgery. We can do it first thing tomorrow morning", we were told. We were shocked, absolutely devastated. Our little son was to have his skull cut open and his brain tampered with. Would he survive this operation? Would he ever be normal again? How would it affect his personality? How would we explain to Matthew what was about to be done?

After a talk with the doctors Grace and I went into the corridor. We simply threw our arms around each other and cried. Why? Why?

Soon Matthew was brought to us. We had made an effort to pull ourselves together and look brave. You cannot imagine the number of questions Matt asked us when he was told that he would need to stay in hospital and undergo an operation to fix his headaches.

It was lunch time on Monday, 22nd December 1980. We were in Hobart preparing for a brain tumour operation while our family and friends were at home, on the other side of Tasmania, preparing for Christmas in a couple of days' time. We had to let them know what we knew ourselves.

While Grace attended Matthew and settled him into a ward, I made my way to a Post Office down the street where from a public phone I called the folk at home. First I called up our family members in Burnie, Smithton and Devonport and then our church friends. What a job. Sometimes I had to stop the conversation as emotion prevented my words from flowing. Everyone was so shocked at the news but reassured me of their concern. Our church friends arranged a special early morning prayer meeting for the day of the operation. Over twenty people made the effort to go along and pray for us. How wonderful it is to be in a church family at times like this!

On my way back to the hospital I stopped in at a little milk-bar for a coffee and a sandwich. The bread just rolled around in my mouth. It would not go down.

Our afternoon was spent together in the ward with Matthew and around the hospital as there were so many details that needed our attention.

That evening I went for a walk along the corridors and came across the Hospital Chapel. I decided that I should go in and have a little talk with God. I sat on the seat inside the door and prayed simply, "Why Lord, what's going on?"

Sitting on the back of the seat in front of me was a Bible. I took it in my hands and ventured to flick through the pages. It seemed to fall open at the Old Testament book of Isaiah, chapter 41 and verse 10. It reads like this, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; yes I will help you with My righteous right hand".

What a promise that was to me that night. Fear not. Wow! Did I need that? Did Grace need it? Did Matthew need it? We sure did.

The remainder of the evening was spent getting Matthew prepared for the operation that was to at 8.30 the following morning. His head was washed a number of times with different solutions and he was briefed by various medical personnel.

That night Grace was able to sleep in the hospital ward alongside Matthew and I stayed with my niece, Denise and her husband John; but it was a very restless night.

Tuesday morning came soon enough and I was back at the hospital just in time to see Matthew being wheeled to the operating theatre. Matthew had lovely curly hair and one thing bothered him; he didn't want to have it all cut off and so objected quite vocally. Although it was not the custom, the hospital barber agreed to remove the hair in the operating theatre after the anaesthetic had been administered.

Grace and I walked about the city for a while, trying to divert our thoughts away from the hospital. We then drove out to Denise and John's home where we were made so welcome.

It was lunch time when we called the hospital. We were told that Matthew had come through the operation quite well and that we would be able to see him when he returned from the recovery ward. We arrived back at the intensive care unit about 2.30 pm and were greeted by the words, "What took you so long?'

What a relief! Matthew had survived and was talking normally. He was sitting up and looking pretty good we thought. He had a drip tube attached to his arm and drain tubes running from the back of his head. He was bandaged up but otherwise looked alright.

For the next couple of days Matthew underwent regular observations every half hour. A nurse would check his hands, feet, knees, eyes, speech and memory. This frustrated him. After being asked the same questions every thirty minutes or so he became a little irritated, especially when it continued all through the night.

Grace and I were concerned and shocked by the many hallucinations Matthew experienced during the first two days. He constantly complained that the building over the street was burning down, and there were little things appearing around the ceiling and sometimes the hospital had no roof. We didn't know these were hallucinations at the time. Was his mind affected or would he get over this trauma? Thankfully this period lasted only a short time.

Christmas day arrived. Here we were in Hobart, over three hundred kilometres from home. Chris, our eldest daughter and her husband Gordon were caring for our second son Michael; and Karyn, our other daughter was living away from home by this time. They were made welcome with other family members for the traditional Christmas dinner while Grace and I sat at a tiny child's table in the corner of the children's ward. We tried to eat the lovely dinner the hospital staff had prepared for us, but it was very difficult as Matthew was rather uncomfortable on that day.

Striving to make his day happy, we had a few little toys for him, but he wasn't feeling well enough to enjoy them. That afternoon we had some visitors call in to see us, and their visit helped pass away the time.

The following days were spent at the hospital as Matthew made a good recovery. Grace and I were given a room not far from the children's ward where we could stay. Each day, one of us would always be at Matthew's side as he needed our constant companionship. I remember being asked on one occasion if he was our only child as I guess we were giving him such loving attention.

Matthew requested that one of us stay with him each night until he was asleep. One night, I had gone off to bed as Grace sat by him until he had dozed off, then she quietly left the ward and came to our room. It was only a few minutes later that heard a tap on our door. It was Matthew. He had slipped out of his bed, walked past the nurse's station, out through the passage and up the stairs to our room on the next floor. Although he begged to stay in our room for the night he was taken back to his bed because of his medical condition. Grace began the exercise all over again, waiting until he was sound asleep this time.

Towards the end of our stay at the hospital we received the pathology report. It wasn't good. The tumour was malignant and we were told that Matthew would require radiation-therapy treatment. After discussions with various doctors it was agreed that the treatment could be done in the Launceston hospital that is much closer to home.

We needed somewhere to stay in Launceston for a few weeks. So on the Saturday morning I reluctantly left Grace and Matthew at the Royal Hobart Hospital. I drove home to Burnie to get our caravan and locate it at the caravan park close to the Launceston General Hospital.

Whilst home in Burnie I attended our Church on Sunday morning, thanked the congregation for their prayerful support of the past two weeks and told them of what was to come. That afternoon I towed the caravan to the Hadspen Caravan Park, just a few kilometres from the Launceston Hospital.

The following day I left early for Hobart where Grace and Matthew were preparing for our drive back to Launceston. Matthew coped very well with the two hour trip and we arrived at the caravan in time to prepare the evening meal.

Tuesday found us at the cancer clinic where Matthew was examined. His head was measured and marked in readiness for his radiation-therapy treatment which began that afternoon. Matt was isolated in a room for his treatment and we could only watch him on a television monitor from another room. It was rather daunting for all three of us.

On the Wednesday, Matthew and his little five year old brother Michael were united again. Chris and Gordon, who had been caring for Mike in Burnie, brought him to stay with us in the caravan.

Thursday was difficult for me as I had to leave Grace and the boys at Launceston and return to Burnie to be at work again. Fortunately my employer had been gracious in granting the previous days off work to be with the family. On Friday afternoon Grace brought the boys home to Burnie for a couple of days before returning to Launceston for further treatment after the weekend. This pattern continued for one month.

On one of Grace's visits to Launceston with the boys she was fined for partly parking the car on the footpath in a very narrow street near the hospital. Parking spaces were very hard to find and at this stage Matthew was not able to walk very far. Following Matt's treatment Grace drove to the Police Headquarters to explain her situation and left the two boys in the car, warning them to stay in the car while she crossed the busy street. She was explaining here "case" amidst tears when another police officer appeared with two little boys.

"Are these your boys?" he asked. Matthew and Michael had thought Grace was taking too long and decided to cross the busy street in search for their mother. Incidentally, the parking fine was withdrawn.

The second week of radiation-therapy went very well, but on the Friday we were asked to take Matthew to Hobart again for another scan. The doctor at Launceston was a little concerned at how things were going. When we returned with the new x-rays the doctor in charge was sufficiently happy with what he saw.

By the end of January Matthew had completed his course of treatment. We packed the caravan, left Launceston and returned to Burnie to settle into our normal routine.

When the new school year started in mid-February Matthew had improved sufficiently to return to classes. Fortunately our property backed onto the school grounds and so I had made a gate in our back fence making it easier for the boys to get to school. Although Matthew's hair had started to grow again after the operation, the radiation-therapy treatment had made it fall out. Matt was naturally embarrassed with his baldness and so wore a little hat to school and wherever he went.

My work as an insurance inspector required air flights to King Island in Bass Strait every three or four months. It was on 25th February I made my first flight for the year. I stayed overnight, completed business appointments and returned the following evening.

When I pulled into the driveway at home, instead of being greeted by my two little boys as usual, I was met by a very disturbed wife. Her first words were, "Our son's in the intensive care unit at hospital." What a shock! He was getting on so well when I left the previous day.

While at school Matthew had become very drowsy. His teacher walked him home and Grace immediately put him in bed; she then called the family doctor. Within a few minutes he arrived on our door-step. On seeing Matt's condition, he called for an ambulance and had him admitted to the local hospital. Apparently the drug prescribed to keep his body functioning correctly after brain surgery was not accurately balanced.

Following a night in hospital he was allowed home again. This problem placed a strain on us as we were not sure whether it might happen again. And it did, on a number of occasions in the coming months.

Baby James

Our eldest daughter Chris was pregnant and expecting her first child in the middle of 1981. On May 7 she was taken to hospital. Two days later Chris gave birth to a lovely little boy whom she and her husband Gordon named James.

They were so excited to hold him in their arms.

Within twelve hours their joy turned to sorrow as little James was taken by the angels to God's Heaven.

Although Chris and Gordon were devastated, they were able to comfort the doctor who had come to comfort them. They assured him that their God was in control and would help them through the difficult time.

A few days later we went with them to bury little James at the local lawn cemetery. His little white casket was tenderly placed in the ground. It was a very sad time for our family as we said "Good-bye" to a dear little fellow whom some of us had never seen.

Why should this little baby of just twelve hour be snatched from his mother's arms in death?

The Last Holiday

The June school holidays arrived and Grace and I took the boys to Tasmania's east coast for a restful few days. I obtained leave from work and headed off to the Bicheno Holiday Village. We stayed there for a few nights and we really enjoyed the different surroundings and the change of pace.

Matthew was progressing very well by now and one day he and I climbed a rocky lookout from where we could view many kilometres of the extremely picturesque coastline. In fact I think he had more energy than I at this point in time as I was feeling really tired after the events of the past six months. Matt and Mike enjoyed climbing up to the nearby tree-house, playing on the beautiful beach and exploring the rocky foreshore. They also had a fantastic time paddling in the canoes on the man-made lake in the holiday complex grounds.

After a few delightfully lazy days we travelled on to the historic Port Arthur on the Tasman Peninsular. We stayed there overnight and enjoyed exploring the old ruins. It was now twenty three years since Grace and I had visited this penal settlement on our honeymoon. Returning again brought back many pleasant memories.

The following couple of nights we spent at Hobart. On the Thursday afternoon Grace and I took the boys to a theatre to see the live show, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs". This was a most enjoyable show, particularly for the boys.

This break away proved to be one of the best times that Mattie had during the period of his illness. He felt well, ate well and had heaps of energy; he really enjoyed this holiday that unfortunately was to be his last.

As this short holiday drew to a close I was overcome with a nervous reaction due to the events of the previous few months. I experienced stomach tension and my strength vanished. This required me having a further two weeks off work to recover. Emotions can certainly do strange things to the physical body.

Head Infections

As the year wore on we periodically noticed little black spots appearing on Matthew's head. These spots grew larger until we eventually realised they were the internal stiches from his operation. Over a number of months about two dozen stitches worked their way through to the surface. During this time Matthew suffered from rises in body temperature.

Seven or eight months after his operation sore spots appeared around the wound. They became messy and smelly and we subsequently sought medical advice. With no apparent response to treatment from our local doctors, Matthew was referred to a skin specialist.

This doctor began another treatment and after a week and with little improvement he then applied a different dressing to Matt's head. This had to remain overnight and on the following day we drove to the doctor's surgery at Launceston to have it removed. Its removal was long and tedious, as it was to remove the scabs with the dressing. It was very difficult for Grace to sit with Matt and watch this take place. Matthew sat there and endured the pain with little complaint.

Laboratory tests showed that Matthew's skull had a recurring germ from his previous operation. And so, after a few more days in Launceston and a few more trips to the specialist we were able to go back home again, although the recurring infection was still present.

A couple of months passed and our family doctor suggested we take Matthew to see the neurosurgeon about the scars on the old wound. Following the surgeon's careful examination of Matt's head and after much thought he suggested that the large section of skull bone that had been lifted back during the operation would need to be removed completely because the infection had attacked the bone. Eventually a steel plate would be needed to protect the brain.

What a diagnosis! Not another operation! How would we explain this to nine year old Matthew? Nevertheless, we told him that the doctor suggested surgery and immediately disappeared to his bedroom. After some time he came out with a drawing he had just completed. It had a little boy kneeling by his bed in a praying position and under this was an inscription, "Faith is best - Use it."

Matthew was just a little fellow but he had a very big faith in his God. Throughout his short life he had gained spiritual insight from us, the Sunday School and our Church. He also listened to many faith-building sermons on audio tapes and vireos. They developed his spiritual faith which never wavered. My diary records that on the following day, Saturday October 24, Matthew made the following three statements, "All I have grown up for is to have all this trouble." God must have chosen me to have all this trouble because He knows I am strong enough to handle it." And "I have faith that an operation will not be needed."

These statements alone show something of Matthew's personal strength and character.

Headaches Return

Towards the end of November 1981, just twelve months since Matthew first suffered from headaches, they returned.

No! It couldn't be!

On December 4 we again visited the neurosurgeon who ordered another cat-scan. Another trip to Hobart was planned as soon as a suitable appointment could be arranged. So on December 15 we went through the same ordeal once more.

Matthew had to have that big needle again. He didn't like needles and bargained with the nurse that he would let her inject him on the provision that she gave him the used syringe. He wanted it to use as a water pistol. He was soon able to use it on unsuspecting family and friends.

On this particular journey my brother Russell insisted that he accompany us for moral support. I remember leaving the hospital and we walked across the street and visited a toy shop. Matthew found a very large toy cap gun that he particularly wanted, so Russell bought it for him. We went outside and of course Matthew had to see if it would work. He loaded the cap in the slot and it fired like a revolver. What a noise in the city. Matt was always ready for a bit of fun.

We stayed overnight in a motel and returned home the following day still not knowing the results of Matt's scan. The radiologist could not tell us the results of the scan; therefore we would have to wait until the neurosurgeon saw us again on his next visit to Burnie.

Matthew, Grace and I waited to see the specialist on Friday December 18. What was he about to tell us? Matt was quite poorly and laid on the seat in the waiting room.

We were finally called into the examination room where the doctor made his usual observations of Matthew. He then asked Grace and I to step into the adjoining room and we left Matthew resting on the examination table. What was he going to say?

"The tumour has returned. Your son has only a short time to live. We can give him another operation and extend his life for a few months, or you can let him die now."

Although we suspected the tumour had grown, we were once again devastated to hear the doctor's words. His statement made Matthew's condition sound so final.

"We can operate again and drain the tumour, but it is so close to the brain that we can't remove it all."

"What about more radiation-therapy?" I asked, "Can't this kill it?"

"I'm sorry, but Matthew's had as much as a child can safely have. If we give him more, he would possibly go blind or have other side-affects, and we don't want to reduce his quality of life during the short time he has remaining."

"Think about it for a day or two and if you decide to proceed with the operation, call my secretary and she will tell you when to come down." He concluded.

It was such a hard task to return to the adjacent room where Matthew was waiting. We pulled ourselves together as best we could, went in and said, "Come on Matt, let's go."

"Well, what did he say?" Matthew asked as soon as we were outside. We somehow managed to avoid the real issue but gave him enough information to satisfy his curiosity.

We drove home from the hospital with very heavy hearts, again asking the question, 'why?' Many tears of grief were shed that night although Grace and I tried hard to be brave in front of Matthew and Michael. We could not bring ourselves to tell these two dear boys everything the doctor had said, only that young Matt may have to have another operation to relieve his headaches.

Where could be turn for comfort at a time like this? I couldn't turn to Grace and she couldn't turn to me because we were both bearing the pain together. Yes, we just had to share the terrible news with someone, so I phoned an elder from our church and asked if I could meet with him after the evening meal.

A meeting of the church elders was hurriedly arranged for seven thirty and here I was able to explain our family situation to them. They were speechless. Eventually one of them said, "Let's read the twenty third Psalm together." He opened his Bible and read the words, 'The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want....... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me......"

This was indeed a comfort to be reassured that despite our circumstances, the Lord God was with us. However, throughout the years of Matthew's illness we were often affected by the stress of the circumstances.

It was Christmas week again and just like last year, we faced it with such uncertainty On the Monday before Christmas I made a trip to Smithton to break the 'news' to my aged mother. Should I tell her that her grandchild is going to die? Grandchildren are not supposed to die! It was not easy for either of us; she was very attached to Matthew. She had helped us care for him a lot when he was just a small child.

Christmas day arrived and our family gathered to celebrate the traditional dinner. Maybe this would be the last one that we would all be together as a complete family. For the evening meal Grace, Matthew, Michael and I drove to my mother's home to share our time with her. Matt was feeling quite unwell. He was having a battle to keep his food down and didn't really enjoy the Christmas food and festivities.

Decision Made.

With Matthew's condition rapidly deteriorating Grace and I made the decision that he should have another operation and spare his life for a little while longer. We went ahead and made the necessary arrangements. We didn't tell Matthew of our decision but asked him what to do. Naturally, he didn't want to go through the ordeal of an operation again. He said that he would pray about it. After a few days he told us that he believed God wanted him to have the surgery. What a relief for us! He knew that even if it meant going through surgery again he could trust in God.

I remember one night at about this time, as Grace and I went off to bed he quietly said, "the Lord be with you." Another comment he mad was, "I'm so pleased that I have a little brother." He did love his brother although they had the usual childhood conflicts. Matthew was a very mature child for his age; perhaps his sickness helped to bring out this maturity.

The new-year arrived and on Monday, 4 January, 1982, Grace, Matthew and I made the familiar journey to Hobart. This time we were accompanied by my brother Doug and his wife Lexie and were so pleased of their support. This trip was rather slow as Matt vomited a time or two on the way down. He was so weak when we arrived at the hospital and needed to be carried in and then taken to the ward in a wheel chair.

On Tuesday we were informed the operation was scheduled for Friday morning. My diary reads, 'Trust that he can last the distance!'

Matthew was placed in a darkened ward for the following couple of days where he slept much of the time. He was so poorly by Thursday and all we could get him to eat that day was half of a Teddy Bear biscuit.

The neurosurgeon came for another look on the day before the operation and called us aside to ask if we did in fact want to go ahead with the surgery.

"Yes, of course!" was our reply. We had to give him this chance of being with us for a little longer. That evening Matthew relived the ordeal of having his hair washed three times. It was so difficult for him. As I left him to go to my niece's home for the night, his last words to me were, "God be with you, good night dad!" Grace stayed with him in his ward that night.

Preparations commenced at 5.30 am on the Friday morning. He left us at 8 o'clock for the operating theatre. Would we see him alive again?

When we returned to the hospital at 2 pm Matthew's operation was over. He was back in the ward and looking reasonably all right. The following day he sat up in bed to play with some Lego blocks. Then on Sunday he was out of bed for a shower. Each day he showed a good recovery.

"Isn't God good to me," he said one night, "helping me so much?"

We stayed at the hospital for just over two weeks this time and then the day after Matthew had his last stiches removed we drove home to Burnie. It was a very hot day. The temperature was 35° Celsius and the journey was rather tough after being in the air conditioned hospital for a couple of weeks.

Back Home Again

After returning to Burnie a nursing sister called daily to dress the wound on Matthew's head. Unlike the first operation, his headaches still continued after surgery and so Matt was soon given an anti-inflammatory drug to assist in keeping his pain in check. This had an undesirable affect and caused him to gain much weight. It completely changed his appearance.

As Matthew's headaches continued it put much pressure on his younger brother Michael. At just six years of age at this time, Michael was not quite old enough to appreciate what Matthew was experiencing. He was a noisy little fellow and was always being told by one of us to quieten down, as very often the slightest noise to Matt was almost unbearable.

Although the State Primary School was just over the back fence, it didn't seem appropriate to send Matthew there again. Fortunately a private Christian School had recently commenced at our church and we were able to enrol Matt there. This was an ideal environment as the quietness and style of teaching suited him quite well. Although he was not able to attend full time he did enjoy it better that the larger school. After a few weeks he even talked his brother Michael into attending with him.

Matthew's sickness was so unpredictable. For a few days his health would improve and then suddenly, he'd have a number or very bad days. At times the headaches would be rather mild then become quite severe. Sometimes he could eat well and at other times would vomit up his meal.

When the second operation was performed, the neurosurgeon cut away part of the skull-bone. He did this for two reasons. Firstly it removed the infected area and also allowed room for the tumour to expand with less pressure on Matthew's brain. This part of the head was quite soft and as time passed, a bulge became more noticeable.

One evening in April, I came home from a meeting to find Matthew sitting at the dining room table with his face beaming. He was so happy and excited. He had just had a shower and for the first time since the operation had let the water run over his head. It must have felt quite different without the protection of the skull.

In the following months, Matthew suffered much pain. He began to experience blackouts and to have more fits. As we prayed for him at these times, sometimes improvement would follow, on other occasions we needed to call the ambulance and have him taken to hospital.

One day when he was quite poorly, his mother suggested getting the doctor to come but Matthew's response was "Where's your faith? What can a doctor do that God can't do?"

Another diary entry in September 1982 quotes Matthew as saying, "I'm so happy that I'm close to the Lord because I think that if I hadn't been, I might be in my little box by now." At about time he also said that he felt like going to be with the Lord but wanted to stay with us too.

Another day he asked me, "Dad, what would it be like not to have pain?" For those of us who rarely experience a headache, it's hard to imagine the pain that Matthew must have been having. As 1982 rolled on he required greater attention.

During this year, management of the insurance company I worked for altered and one day after much pressure being put on me from head office, I phoned the State manager to resign my position. I felt I had to make a choice. Would it be to give my loyalty to my employment and continue in a secure job or be with my son and family during this difficult period? I believe that job security becomes insignificant in the face of family sickness.

Towards the end of 1982 Matthew experienced other problems. Sometimes he would have a blockage of circulation to his left arm and leg and a feeling of dizziness. He also developed trouble with his eyesight. He complained of white spots and flashing lights in his eyes.

By March 1983 Matthew's health had deteriorated greatly although at times he did have reasonably good days. One night we called the doctor who gave him an injection to ease the pain at 9.30 pm and then we had him come back again at 2.30 am the same night. This time he administered morphine to help kill the pain. It was the first of a number of such visits.

For months Matthew was on pain killers day and night. He slept in the bedroom next to ours and whenever he woke during the night he would tap on the wall to get our attention. Grace or I would give him another pain killer.

One day in April Matthew announced to us that he wanted to be baptised. Over the years he had heard the subject of baptism talked about at various times and so he asked if he could be baptised. Baptism is a Christian ordinance undertaken by those who have committed their lives to Jesus Christ and have accepted Him into their lives as a personal Saviour. This baptism by full immersion in water is simply to show that one has made that commitment.

It was really an emotional time for us on the evening of May 22, when although almost blind, and only three months before his death, Mathew was baptised in front of a church full of family and friends by Pastors Peter Keep and Peter Bennett. Before being immersed Matthew was asked if he had anything to say to the congregation. Mathew responded simply, "The Lord's commanded us to be baptised and so I feel I should be baptised." What an example to Grace and I. His words spoke plainly to us to do what God wants us to do.

Matt's eyesight worsened by the day, even to the point of total blindness. Although he was suffering so much pain, I remember he said one day that we have so many things for which to be thankful.

Ultimate Healing

It was Friday morning and Matthew got out of bed to go to the toilet but collapsed on the floor in the hallway. When he didn't respond to us, we immediately called the ambulance. We followed it to the hospital where we were told he had lost a lot of blood. We were confronted again by another choice. The doctor said we could let him die now or give him a blood transfusion to extend his life once more.

We had no alternative but to give him the blood. As it flowed into his veins the colour returned to his face and gradually he responded to us again. By that evening, Matthew was back to his old self again. How could we let him die?

The next morning, Saturday, we returned to the hospital to find him reasonably active but had to help him sit up or turn over. He was finding it hard to keep comfortable. As the day wore on he again grew weaker, but before we left him that evening he spoke his favourite Bible verse to us.

The verse is from the Old Testament book of Joshua, chapter one and verse number nine. It reads like this; "Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Don't be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God am with you wherever you go."

Matthew and his brother Michael then told us the entire Psalm number 121, which they had learned at school.

"I look to the mountains; where will my help come from? My help will come from the Lord, who made Heaven and earth.

He will not let you fall; your protector is always awake.

The protector of Israel never dozes or sleeps, The Lord will guard you; he is by your side to protect you. The sun will not hurt you during the day, nor the moon during the night.

The Lord will protect you from all danger; He will keep you safe. He will protect you as you come and go now and forever."

Grace was last to leave the hospital. She was there when the nurse tucked Matthew in and made him more comfortable for the night. "Praise the Lord" he said. He was so happy to be made comfortable. He praised the Lord in all things.

We arrived at the hospital on Sunday morning to find Matthew still reasonably comfortable. He responded very little to us all day. Quite a number of visitors came to see him but he could not respond to them. He was exhausted and wanted to sleep.

Grace and I were at the hospital all day. At least one of us sat with him at all times. That evening, we realised that the end was near so I left to get the other family members to come. Michael was staying at a relative's home for the day and so on the way to the hospital I sadly told him that Matthew was not coming home to play with him anymore. It was indeed a shock to him. All the time we had kept the severity of Matthew's condition from Michael.

As I sat in a hallway simply waiting for the end to come, a dear woman walked by and said out of kindness, "Everything will be alright!" I must have looked awful for her to say this to a stranger. I nodded, but secretly thought, she doesn't know that my little boy is dying in a hospital room just along the corridor.

It wasn't long before my cousin Harry came out of the room and said, "He's gone." At 8.30 pm on Sunday 14 August 1983, the life-blood had drained from Matthew's veins and his spirit left to be with his Lord and Saviour whom he loved so much. All the pain killers that had been administered to him over the past couple of years had ulcerated his stomach and Matthew had haemorrhaged to death. A caring nurse came into the room and placed a little twig of Daphne on the pillow beside Matthew's body. This was a lovely gesture that Grace and I will never forget.

He looked so peaceful. As he lay there, it reminded me of the morning that he was born almost eleven years earlier. Matthew was the only one of my children that I saw immediately after their birth.

His ultimate healing had come. Matthew always believed that God was going to heal his body. Healing did come but not in the way for which we had all hoped and prayed.

When Matthew opened his blind eyes, the first person he saw was his Saviour, who I believe was waiting at Heaven's door to welcome him. All of Matthew's earthly pain had gone; he was free of it at last!

The doctors had said that he would live for only a few short months but praise God he had lived on with us for twenty months after the second operation. During that time his Christian faith grew and he was such an obvious encouragement to the many people who met him.

Farewell Matthew

The day for the funeral arrived. Throughout the years that Matthew was ill he became a real 'buddy' with his friend and pastor, Peter Keep. We asked Peter to officiate at the memorial service and again for the interment at the lawn cemetery. A relatively young pastor, this was the first burial service he had been asked to lead.

The church was full with family and friends when Peter commenced; "On behalf of the family of Matthew Poke I extend to you their welcome and sincere appreciation for you attendance at this service. Let's pray together. Our Father, You know that it is with a great deal of mixed emotion that we are here in Your presence. We grieve together at the loss of one so dear to us, and yet we rejoice because we know Matthew is in Your presence right now. Bring to us today, and especially to the members of Matthew's family, a sense of peace, the comfort and the victory that is Matthew's as we spend this time together. We pray this in the name or our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen

Peter then read from 2 Corinthians 5:1-8

"......... Many see death as something which is final, the end of life, but this is not true. In fact, the Bible paints a different picture to that altogether, because death for the Christian makes it possible to enter into that full quality of life which God intended for us. Matthew Poke asked the Lord Jesus Christ to be his Saviour at the age of five. So we can confidently say as we have read in verse eight that he is 'away from the body and at home with the Lord.'

"Matthew now has the quality of life that is far superior to anything that we have right here, right now, today. This life is available to all who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, just as Matthew did. Matthew has taken the first step from this physical life with its troubles and problems which we all experience, and into that superior life which God intended. In verse five it says, 'Now it is God who made us for this very purpose.' That is to live with Him forever, and to enjoy that quality of life. And this is why we are confident and know where Matthew is today spiritually. His body is here in the casket before us, yet his spirit is with the Lord.

"Matthew's struggle with sickness that resulted in his passing into the presence of the Lord on Sunday evening began in November 1980. He had an operation for a brain tumour in December 1980, with the chances of his survival, medically speaking, unknown. Subsequently, just twenty months ago, on December 18, Murray and Grace had to face another hard decision. They were told that they could choose between Matthew dying or having another operation, and possibly extending his lifespan. They chose to have another operation. Subsequently they were advised that he possibly had three to six months to live. And that was twenty months ago. During that time we can say that Matthew's faith increased. We can only say that Murray and Grace's faith increased, and so too many of us who know them, and know them well.

"Matthew never let go of God. He never stopped believing. He always trusted that God would heal him. Many of us prayed, and when things looked grim we wavered, we doubted. But Matthew stood firm. Ultimately, he has been healed – humanly speaking, not in the way that we expected, but God knew best. But his healing is far more complete than it could have ever been had God healed him here, because he will never be sick again. He'll never have to worry about broken bones again or anything like that. He has gone to a place where there is no more crying, no more sorrow, and no more pain.

"Matthew wanted to be a preacher when he grew up. What he didn't realise was that he was a preacher as he was. Many of us he has preached to by his example, many by his words. I recall that one night there was a prayer meeting at the Poke family home. A chap was speaking and he something really profound. We all just sat there. Then there was a hearty 'Amen'. It came from Matthew. You see, he was a preacher by his example.

"I want to leave two things with us in particular today to think about. And both of these, I believe, are things that Matthew would want to say to all of us if he had the opportunity.

"The first one is this message to people who have not believed in the Lord Jesus Christ as their Saviour. Matthew had a favourite song of latter times. The words go like this, 'Come into my heart... come into my heart Lord Jesus.'

"Matthew has passed into the presence of the Lord Jesus, because, one day when he was five, he asked the Lord to save him. I believe he would say to us today that if we want the same assurance then we need to take that step of child-like faith which he took too.

"The second thing that I want to mention is to those who belong to Christ. Many of us face trying times, we all face sickness at various times, we all face loss, and there are problems with employment, problems in the family perhaps. And again Matthew is an encouragement to me as I consider these things, because Matthew went through many trying times but never once did he doubt his God. His inspiration came from a verse of Scripture. I should mention in passing that after his death, that his life is an encouragement to me.

"I found it hard to consider doing this service today. Murray was able to show me one of the verses in Matthew's verse book that was an encouragement. In Philippians 4:13 it says, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' But Matthew's inspiration came from Joshua 1:9 and he liked what it said in the Good News Bible and it says this, 'Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident. Do not be afraid or discouraged for I the Lord your God am with you wherever you go.'**

"Hanging on to this verse helped Matthew cope with operations, pain – pain that none of us can understand, blindness – all without complaining. I believe that Matthew would say to us today, 'I found God trustworthy and so will you if you lean on him.' And Murray was mentioning to me that on Saturday, despite his condition, Matthew was able to quote that verse word perfect.

"Murray and Grace have had a trying time, challenging, faith-building two and a half years; and they too have proved the greatness of God. They have seen prayer answered many times. Many times Matthew has been crying with pain, they have asked the Lord to take it away and He has done. They have proved God to be faithful. It's hard for Murray and Grace to say the things they feel today. I am sure there are many things they'd like to say to us, but they have chosen a song which they've asked me to play; we have it on tape. Murray and Grace have said this really sums up how they feel – and it is their testimony, 'Heaven Holds all the Answers.' [The song tells that although we don't know all the reasons for all of these trials, burdens and cares, we'll understand better when we are in the presence of Jesus.]

Peter then prayed, "Dear Father, we thank You for the strength that You give us, as Christians, to cope with the situations that, humanly speaking, are too hard for us. Thank You for the presence of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, who brings us Your peace. Thank You for the comfort of knowing that our dear friend Matthew is in Your presence, completely well and happy. Thank You that those of us who know Christ will one day see him again. Lord we pray that You will give those who don't know Christ the courage to face the issue of dying and not knowing Christ, before they die too. We pray today that You will be of special comfort and encouragement to Murray, Grace, Chris, Gordon, Karyn and Michael and that the peace of Christ may rule in their hearts as they face the challenge of living life together without Matthew. We pray Lord that You would be special to them as never before. We ask it in Jesus Name. Amen."

A little later at the Burnie Lawn Cemetery Matthew was buried. Peter Keep again conducted this short but precious service.

"We come to the point now where we actually say farewell to Matthew Poke. But let us remember as we say farewell to his body that his spirit is already with the Lord. Farewells are always occasions of sadness, and more so when there is an air of permanence to them. Now let's remember that in this case it is only a temporary farewell, for one day when Christ returns, there will be a physical resurrection and all Christians will be given a new body. As we farewell Matthew's body let us remember that it is only until the Lord comes; and let us take heart and encouragement from the reading of 1 Corinthians chapter 15, verses 42 – 57.....

"Let us pray. Father, we commit to You now the body of our loved one Matthew. We thank You that just as his spirit is with you, one day he will have a new resurrected body. Thank You that one day we will be reunited with dear Matthew in Heaven. Thanks be to God. He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen."

Yes, it was a sad occasion as we watched the little white casket being lowered into the earth, but on the other hand, a happy one as Grace, the family and I knew with assurance that we would meet Matthew again. We thank our Heavenly Father for the strength and courage He gave us on that difficult day.

" **Jesus, Jesus."**

After Matthew's death Grace, Michael and I had the opportunity of a short holiday in Hobart with friends. We thought the break would help revive us but as we approached our destination Grace became quite exhausted.

For the second week of this holiday break we also flew to the Australian mainland to visit friends in Melbourne and Colac, Victoria. It was during this time however that Grace felt very tired and had difficulty doing her normal duties.

As Grace grew more tired even after our return home from holiday, she made an appointment with the local doctor. After taking one look at her the doctor ordered blood tests and x-rays.

A week or two later Grace was referred to a specialist who prescribed a drug for her. When she realised that it appeared to be a similar drug that had been given to Matthew, and remembering the side effects that one caused, she completely refused to take it. Instead Grace visited a naturopath who confirmed the same diagnosis as the doctor and prescribed a natural alternative which she was happy to take.

A number of weeks later, having been unemployed for some time, Grace and I purchased a little second-hand furniture shop and both of us commenced working there. However we were aware that Grace's health was not improving. She had days of extreme tiredness. Other days she became very depressed, deeply feeling the loss of Matthew.

In February of the New Year 1984, we went to a weekend Church Camp at the Riverbend Youth Centre near Smithton. We looked forward to going back to our old camp site again, the one we'd helped to establish in 1968. It was a struggle for Grace to pack the things required for the weekend and to become involved. Soon after our arrival there on Friday night, one of the boys at camp fell and injured his arm and an ambulance was called. When Grace saw the ambulance she became very emotional as it brought back so many memories of the past when they used to come to our home and take Matthew off to hospital.

On the Sunday morning Grace did not have enough energy to get out of bed so I called the local doctor. He requested an ambulance to come and take her to the Smithton Hospital. Naturally he asked us many questions and we explained to him the events of the past three years.

That night Michael and I returned to Burnie, leaving Grace at the hospital in Smithton because she was still not in a condition to travel. We prayed to God for her healing and we asked others also to pray for her speedy recovery.

All day Monday Grace lay in her bed physically and emotionally exhausted. She herself had hardly the energy to pray just one word, Jesus.... Jesus. I believe there's power in the name of Jesus for on the following day, Tuesday, her energy returned to her body. The doctor was making arrangements for her to have a blood transfusion but it was not required.

That afternoon she was well enough to be transferred to the larger Burnie Hospital. She was so much improved that she talked with the ambulance attendant during the one hour trip to Burnie. She told of her experiences of the past couple of years with the care of our son, Matthew.

That evening I visited Grace at the hospital and could hardly believe what I saw. I entered the ward. Grace was sitting up in bed, a new woman, completely changed from when I saw her on Sunday.

Grace remained in hospital for another week and was reassured that the drug that had been earlier prescribed for her was not the same as the one Matthew had taken. It would not produce the same side effects. Grace reluctantly agreed to take this medication having been told she could die if she did not take this chemical drug that her body was failing to produce.

This week was one that Grace vividly remembers as she personally became much closer to the Lord God in her spiritual life. She experienced a wonderful encounter with God on an ongoing basis over a number of days. Quietly in her hospital ward, much emotional healing took place. As a result she was even able to walk through the children's ward, where only months before she had seen Matthew for the last time.

On one such occasion she met the doctor who had cared for Matthew a number of times and was able to sit with him and tell about Matthew's personal faith in God.

Grace came home from hospital a changed woman, physically and spiritually. Her home-coming was very timely as our second daughter, Karyn, was in the final stages of preparing for her wedding. Within a few days Karyn was married to a local plumber and musician, Michael

Another Test of our Faith.

As time passes the wounds of the past seem to heal. For some it is slower than others. I remember as I walked the aisle of the Burnie Baptist Church with my daughter Karyn and enjoyed the wedding service, I had tears in my eyes. These were not tears of happiness or sadness because of Karyn's marriage, they were the tears of sorrow because Matthew was not there to enjoy the day with us.

During the years that we had nursed Matthew my faith in God developed day by day but when he died and was taken from us, my Christian faith was greatly tested. I had believed that he would receive physical healing and when that didn't happen, I questioned the writings of the Bible. But the thing that I discovered is, I can't judge the Scriptures on my personal experience.

Shortly after Matthew's death Grace and I were amongst a large gathering at a church meeting at which thanks was being given for a young person, who through prayer, had been healed of a brain tumour. It was hard to accept at that time, that he had been healed and our boy had not experienced the physical healing he so firmly believed he would receive. After some time we again grappled with the Word of God, the Bible, and our Christian faith was built again.

One day, just three years after Matthew's death, our daughter Chris mentioned that she was going to see the doctor for a medical check. This was nothing unusual, she was now the mother of a four year old son, Ryan, and a two year old daughter, Abbie.

A mole on her leg had been causing her concerns and so the doctor advised immediate surgery to have it removed. The mole was taken from the muscle region above the knee and a skin graft was performed to reduce the resultant scar. Chris recovered well, although was naturally quite sore for some days.

The following week we were suddenly devastated to hear the word 'cancerous'. Laboratory reports indicated that the portion of tissue removed was malignant.

Oh dear, not again! Chris was scheduled to have further surgery three weeks later. The following week Chris and her husband Gordon received a good report, 'All the cancer has been removed,' although the doctor added to his report, 'it could return at any time in the future'.

Chris had a long six week stay in hospital that included the Christmas period of 1986. For Grace and I it was another difficult Christmas although we strived to make the most of it. We had our little granddaughter Abbie stay with us and we really enjoyed taking her in to see mummy each day. Over the following months Chris recovered well.

Chris and I shared the same date for our birthdays and 1987 was indeed a special year for us. Twenty eight years earlier Chris was born on my twenty second birthday. For my fiftieth Chris was the driving force behind organising a party for me. One of Chris's strong points was her organisational qualities. About twenty five of us gathered at our home for a lovely meal and evening together.

From the time that she was a little girl, Chris possessed a deep trust and personal faith in God. I remember the very night when she committed her life to Jesus Christ. It was at the church that we were attending at Smithton. The preacher who married Grace and I a few years earlier was there addressing the congregation. At the conclusion of his talk he gave an invitation for any who wanted to commit their lives to Jesus and take him into their life as Saviour and Lord. Although only five years of age at the time, Chris responded to that invitation.

As a teenager, Chris had a desire to serve her Saviour and on a number of times assisted as a children's camp leader. At sixteen years of age she joined a team of young people for a literature distribution crusade in Sydney, Australia with the mission organisation, Gospel Literature Outreach. A year or so later, with her very close friend Jan, she joined a similar team at Christchurch, New Zealand. Shortly afterwards Chris resigned from her position as a doctor's receptionist and flew to Auckland, New Zealand, with another close friend, Helene, to attend a full-time Bible Training College.

It wasn't long after her return to Tasmania that she met up with Gordon. Chris had met Gordon a few years earlier and he was now working in Tasmania. Love soon blossomed. Some months later they were married and set up their home in Burnie, Tasmania.

Those words from the doctor, 'It could return at any time', came true. In September 1987 Chris was required to have another operation on her leg. A few weeks later she heard the news that the cancer had spread through her body. By the end of November we were told that she only had a few weeks to live. At this time Chris had difficulty keeping her food down and was confined to her bed. She had lost the use of her legs. She was becoming very weak and on Thursday December 10 entered hospital for a blood transfusion. She was rather reluctant about this procedure. She told her sister Karyn, "Matthew had a blood transfusion and he lasted only three days!" "You had better give it your best shot," Karyn answered, "we want you around for Christmas."

Chris did give it her best shot and when she returned home the next morning she was much improved. After lunch she was eased up in bed and wrote out a number of Christmas cards in readiness for Gordon to post.

On Friday evening Grace and I called to see Chris as we were on our way to a concert in one of the local churches. Our son Michael stayed in the car as we didn't plan on being at Chris's place very long. We were there for just a few minutes and as we were leaving Chris asked us to send Gordon into her room because she was experiencing extra pain. We kissed her as we left, not knowing this would be the last time we would see her alive.

We went to the concert as planned, but at about nine o'clock we were called out by Chris's sister Karyn and Gordon's father. They were extremely distressed. "Come quickly," she may be gone before we get back."

We jumped into the car and sped to the home, about five minutes' drive away. Our arrival was greeted by the flashing lights of an ambulance and a police car. We were too late; the ambulance men were packing up their equipment. The policeman was completing his task. Chris's doctor was also there and offered his condolences. Chris had gone. She had gone to meet her Lord and Saviour, to meet her little infant son James, and her young brother Matthew whom she dearly loved and missed.

Sadly, Michael regrets that he neglected to see his sister that night, for what would have been his last visit. A lost moment; an occasion that has taught me the lesson never to leave until tomorrow what I can possibly do today.

It wasn't long before the undertaker arrived to carry Chris away from the home. A few friends and family members came around to be with us and offered their condolences. There were others to call on the phone. There was the newspaper to advise, and all the necessary things to be done at such a time.

I remember sitting there with some family members when Karyn looked across at her young brother Michael and said, "It looks like it's just you and me left." What a loss for Karyn. Chris had been her sister and close friend for all of her twenty five years.

Before retiring Gordon sat in an arm chair contemplating the dilemma he would face the next morning when five year old Ryan and three year old Abbie would awake and find their mother missing. How would he explain to them what had happened in the adjoining bedroom as they slept? They knew that their mummy was sick but how do you explain death to such young and innocent children?

As he thought about this, Gordon fiddled with a ball point pen. Yes, here is an explanation! He likened the outside shell of the pen to the human body and the inside ink chamber to the real person. Their mummy's body had died but the real Chris had gone to Heaven to be with Jesus. As we are a three part being, spirit, soul and body, he was able to explain that the spirit and soul had left her body and gone to Heaven and that the body would be placed in a coffin to be buried in the ground.

When the funeral service took place, the evidence of this explanation to the children was apparent. We all stood there and watched the casket being lowered into the ground and I will never forget the precious moment as little Abbie, watching it disappear, called out in her sweet little voice, "Goodbye mummy's body!" How beautiful; she had grasped what her daddy had previously explained.

Farewell Chris.

The day for the funeral arrived. Pastor Peter Keep, who buried our dear son Matthew just four years earlier, was asked to conduct the funeral service for our darling daughter Chris.

"On behalf of Gordon, Ryan, Abbie and all the family of Chris Langridge, I thank you for your love and care in being here today as we give thanks to God for her life and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

You may have noticed that this service is being videoed. Please do not be disturbed by this as Gordon wishes this for the sake of the children, as Chris was unable to leave them any message to remember her by.

After this service there will be a grave-side service at the Burnie Lawn Cemetery. Following that all who wish to spend time with the family members are invited to return here, to the church, where an afternoon tea will be provided.

Prayer: "Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for this day in which we know Your presence and grace. We want to thank You for all our treasured memories of our loved one Chris. Most of all we want to thank You for the fact that she is with You. We pray Lord that the family and all of us who grieve may know Your special comfort today. We pray especially as we have this service today that Your Holy Spirit would teach us about faith as we reflect upon her life. We pray this in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

"Gordon has asked that we should consider together the words of Psalm 145 that speaks about the character of God and how we can trust Him. Let us take heart from the reading of God's word.

"I will extol You, my God, O King; and I will bless Your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless You, and I will praise Your name forever and forever.

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts.

I will meditate on the glorious splendour of Your majesty, and on Your wondrous works.

Men shall speak of the might of Your awesome acts, and I will declare Your greatness.

They shall utter the memory of Your great goodness, and shall sing of Your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in Mercy.

The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.

All Your works shall praise You, O Lord, and Your saints shall bless You.

They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom, and talk of Your power,

To make known to the sons of men His mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of His kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom and Your dominion endures throughout all generations.

The Lord upholds all who fall and raise up those who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season.

You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all His ways, gracious in all His works.

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.

He will fulfil the desire of those who fear Him. He also will hear their cry and save them.

The Lord preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy.

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and all flesh shall bless His holy name

forever and ever.

"I would now invite you to stand and sing the hymn printed on the sheet which was Chris's favourite, 'Great is Thy Faithfulness.'

"Chris Langridge was a very thoughtful, caring and humble person. All who knew her admired greatly the quality of her life, especially all those who came to know her during the period of her illness.

"The Church here, of which she became an integral part, has been deeply affected by her life. Whilst we all prayed for her recovery, we were nonetheless moved by her unswerving faith and peace in the face of adversity.

"As her Pastor, I valued Chris as a valued friend, and know that she helped me far more than I ever helped her.

"Indeed, such was her love for others, that more than likely, many here today would have considered Chris to be their very best friend. Even to the last she was caring, writing out Christmas cards for friends on the day of her death.

"After six years of married life, Chris and Gordon made a decision that Gordon would leave his employment. They did this so that they could devote themselves more as a couple to the care of their children and their relationship with and service for God. They realised that the busyness of life had been getting in the way of these priorities. So, believing in the Bible and what Christ Himself said to be true where He said, 'But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.' [Matthew 6:33] Gordon left work and they committed themselves as a couple without reserve to God's plan for their lives. Their initial intention was to take a much needed, brief holiday and seek out what God might have them do upon returning.

"It was upon their return from this brief holiday in Melbourne with the family and friends that Chris was diagnosed as having malignant melanoma.

"So following major surgery, there was a long stay in hospital, the regular check-ups, medication, the battle with pain and discomfort, in fact a whole change and disruption to the normal life. Then in the last nine weeks she experienced the steady but sure decline in health that seemed to accelerate just two weeks ago, and culminated in her peaceful passing into the presence of Christ last Friday night.

"Chris was a devoted wife and mother. She regarded motherhood as her calling in life, and on occasions was heard to correct those who felt that their lives didn't count for much by reminding them of the greatness of the importance of the task of being a mother. We can only presume the frustration that must have tempted her as she was unable to carry out her role as she would have wished due to pain, due to the stays in hospital and eventually with her inability to walk and her bedridden state. But Chris was never heard to complain. On the contrary, those who visited her feeling sad themselves, most often left cheered by her attitude and concern for them.

"One such person was the family doctor, Dr Fonze Messiah who will now come and give testimony of Chris's life and experience as he saw it."

"Actually I've only known Chris for about eight months, about three months of which I was her doctor and as you heard Peter say, she had a malignant melanoma. She had major surgery last year and the melanoma spread to the back and she experienced a great deal of pain in her back. About two weeks ago she had a fall which left her with virtually useless legs; the power in her legs became so weak that she couldn't walk. From then on she was basically confined to her bed.

"She was medically very hard to manage because you didn't know how much you could do for her knowing how bad her condition was. So we tossed and turned and we decided to do some tests on her back to try and decide what was causing her to become so weak. We sent her up to Launceston; she had a scan. She was in severe pain for the entire duration of the scan because her back was so sore.

"Despite her pain she never complained. In fact it made my job much harder as every time I asked her how the pain was she would say, "It's really good" or "it's all right." If she said it was all right, it meant she was in severe pain. It took a bit of getting used to. And sometimes Gordon would say, "It's not alright, she's been in quite a bit of pain." If she said it was very good it meant she was still in pain but she could just bear the pain.

"There was a major transfusion of character from what I hear. From the moment that I met Chris she was convinced that God was going to perform a miracle in her life, he was going to heal her. Looking back, I guess in a sense, he did. I remember that, as a doctor you practise in a detached manner as much as you can, normally if someone is sick it's your role to comfort them. I remember that one day Gordon and Chris went to see Mr Scott who was looking after her condition. They got some bad results about her pathology report and I had already rang up and found out what they were and I was pretty flat. They came around to discuss it and there in the sitting room, instead of me comforting them, they were comforting me; telling me not to be so discouraged about it; she'll be right, we're trusting God and God will intervene. It was touching to see such unselfish lives and real devotion to God.

"I guess most of you have probably got some experience of Chris and her unselfishness, whether it be that she had some interest in you when you were sick or whether it be some small routine matter that you were experiencing problems with. What really struck me was her unselfishness. One day when I was visiting her in the last few weeks, and she knew that I hated vomiting, she knew that I can't stand it, and I was sitting there when she started to throw up. Chris then said, "Get out of here, go on, get out." So I thought if you're being sick you don't want someone sitting there watching you, so I started to leave and she said, "You can't stand that sort of thing." I was very touched. Even though she was very sick and actually physically ill, she could care about how I felt about throwing up.

"One thing that really touched me was her unfailing faith. You know there's a thing called denial; I guess most of us are experiencing it now. We really can't believe that Chris is dead. So often people with a serious illness don't really believe they've got it. They carry on their lives quite happily thinking, I might be sick. She fully understood the cancer had spread, but she believed that God was going to heal her any way. It wasn't that she didn't know what was happening to her or she didn't understand how serious her condition was. She was fully aware, but she refused to be mastered by circumstances she was in.

"About two weeks ago she had a fall and her legs became very weak, as I said before, and we decided that it was obvious that it had attacked the spine and from then on she was bed-ridden. I don't like telling people how long they've got to live or how bad it is, so I was hedging my bets on how long Chris had left to live and Gordon said, "Hang on a tick, you are not getting out of this so easy, how long's she got?" So I said to him, "If the melanoma's attacked the spine, she's probably got a couple of weeks." Then I said, "Please don't tell Chris." So then I went home and later on when I came back to see Chris she said to me, "I know what you said to Gordon the other day." Then I thought, no, my, what have I done? And then I said, "He told you did he?" And she said, "Yes and I said, I'll kick you in the shin." And I said, "You are quite welcome to but how are you going to manage it?" And she said, "That's exactly what Gordon said, now how do you plan to do that dear?" Now Gordon has just told me that when I get to Heaven I had better watch out because Chris will be there to kick my shins. So I had better put some shin pads on.

"I guess that the last thing that really impressed me about Chris is that she is an example. In the brief time that Liz and I knew Chris we both became very attached to her. We will both sorely miss her. Her unwavering faith and her faithful devotion to our Lord is a shining example to us all. She is an object lesson on how we should live, and how we should die. She fought the good fight. She was not discouraged by the odds. She was not dismayed by a dismal prognosis, unlike her doctor; and henceforth there is laid up for her a crown of glory."

"Thank you Doctor Messiah.

"I think for all of you who know Chris, all of those things ring true. There's one other thing that we haven't said about Chris and it is this; she would be most upset if she thought that we were praising her up, as she would lay no claim to being a special person. Yet you have heard, and many of us here could speak personally about the kind of things that Dr Messiah has just told us. What was it then that made her the way she was?

"The simple answer is that she had a personal faith in Jesus Christ. When she was only a young girl, Chris realised that Jesus Christ Himself died for her sin, and realising her inability to save herself she put all of her trust in Him. And that for Chris was the beginning of a life of faith. And during her growing years she involved herself in various Christian outreaches and activities through which she learned that she could trust God implicitly.

"As I said, a little over twelve months ago she and Gordon committed themselves unreservedly to God and His purposes. They, and the people of this Church, and many of you people here, Christian from many places from right around this State and even interstate, prayed that God would work a miracle and that Chris would recover. But all the while Chris and Gordon maintained a steady determined faith that they were ready to accept whatever God's will and purposes were for them in their situation.

"Humanly speaking Chris did not want to die. She loved Gordon, and Ryan and Abbie far too much for that! Yet she knew in death she would be secure because she had put her faith in Jesus Christ. Even to the end she was reading the book, 'Lord Change Me' which reflects her constant desire to be more like Christ whom she loved. She did not know how soon that desire was going to be fulfilled.

"Perhaps from our point of view we are moved to ask why one so young and Christ-like in character should die. I cannot give the answer to that question. I wish I could. However, I do know the God that Chris knows; and I do know that he is a faithful, unchanging God who only works good for those who love him. True we often find the good hard to see or understand, but he is doing it nonetheless, as the Bible says: 'Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out! [Romans 11:33] It is a great comfort in our loss to know that God is still faithful and that he has a plan for our good.

"In any event we should not view Chris's death as a defeat. Certainly those who remain are grieved at their loss, and to Gordon, to Ryan and to Abbie, to Murray and Grace, to Karyn and Michael and to Michael; to Les and Wilma and to Debbie, and to all the relatives, we extend to you all our very sincere heartfelt sympathy. We will all miss her. But we also know that the death for the person who has faith in Jesus Christ is a step into victory, because Chris has passed from this physical life and is with her Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven in a state of perfect health and happiness never to be sick again, and is lovingly reunited with her son James and her dearly loved brother Matthew. You see, the Bible teaches that when the believer dies their spirit leaves the body and goes to be with the Lord. And so today we have a casket here with Chris's body, yet Chris is really is really absent from her body and she is present with the Lord which for her is far better.

"So for those of us who know God through Christ as Chris does, do not grieve as we otherwise might, because we know that she is in a better place and that we have the certain hope of being reunited with her at the time of our own death.

"For those who remain, life goes on, yes life without Chris to be sure, but with the promise of the Lord's help and presence as he said, 'Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' [Isaiah 41:10] And especially to Gordon, and our dear little friends Ryan and Abbie, I want to say publically that you will continue to have the love and support of all your friends here today and for those of this Church as well.

"Perhaps some of us here today don't really know the Lord, and the things of which we speak are foreign to you. I want to say to you that what you saw and admired in Chris's life was God at work. I believe that if Chris could speak to you today she would want you to know the Lord she knows and to have the faith, hope, peace, the comfort that she had through faith in him.

"Chris has gone, she has entered into the fullness of her salvation, and she is like Christ. She put her faith in Christ and today she is not disappointed.

"Shall we stand for prayer? Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for every memory of Chris. Thank You that her life speaks powerfully to us of what it means to have real faith in God and to walk with God. Help us all to take this lesson from her life and to give ourselves to Christ without reserve. We pray in the days that are ahead, particularly for the close family members that You will be most gracious to them and provide Your comfort and grace that they may cope with their loss of their loved one. Lord we commit ourselves into Your hands knowing that You are ever faithful and dependable. Thank You that we could sing the song, that was Chris's life, 'Great is Thy Faithfulness.' Thank You that You are faithful and unchanging. Lord, as we go on with life without Chris that we will prove the truth that You will strengthen us, that You will help us and that You will uphold us with Your righteous right hand. We pray these things and give You our thanks in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

Later at the grave-side service, Peter continued.

"We now come to the time when we formally say goodbye – when we place Chris's body in the ground.

"May I remind you that though this is Chris's body it is not Chris. She is in Heaven with her Lord. We place her body in the ground until the day of the physical resurrection. What a tremendous hope for all who have this faith in Christ.

"I wish to read to you the words of I Corinthians 15:50-58 that speaks so eloquently of the real hope we can have through faith in Christ, a hope that has been realised for Christ.

"Let us pray again – Thank You Father that Chris Langridge knew You on this earth, and that today she knows You in Heaven. Thank You that at a young age she gave her life to Christ and today is with Him. Thank You that though we grieve and have put her body in the ground, we rejoice because she is with You. Thank You also for the hope we have of being reunited with her. We pray Lord that the memory of her life may inspire us to love You. Now be with the family members and may they experience the grace of God in its fullest measure as they hope and trust in You. Amen"

God is a Good God!

Life is definitely full of surprises and it's a good job that it is. It was good that Grace and I did not know what was ahead of us in the 1980's. We may not have been able to handle those difficult situations.

I remember some time before Matthew became ill, I heard of an American comedian film star who wanted to do all he could for his terminally ill son. One way he lavished his love upon his boy was to take the lad on a round-the-world holiday. At that time I thought, 'I don't think I could live through an ordeal such as that! How could a person face each day knowing that his son was about to die?'

In the 1970's I had an acquaintance who contracted a terrible disease, motor neurone, and I observed this man and his wife through his final years and wondered how I would cope in such a situation. I remember imagining how hard it would be to face each day.

Little did I realise that during the next few years my wife, my family and I would have to face that tortuous task not once, but twice. I believe that in each situation we were given the strength to cope. On those days when we received the diagnosis reports from the doctors, and again on the days of each death and funeral, I believe we were given an extra special strength from our Heavenly Father to lead us through these traumatic moments.

God is a good God. King David wrote of God's goodness in Psalm 145:9 where he says, 'The Lord is good to all.' And again in Psalm 119:68, 'You are good, and do good.' The Psalmist again encourages us in Psalm 107:8, 'Oh that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!'

The usual progression is for parents to age and die before their children, but when this is reversed it is difficult to accept. However, I know that 'All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.' Romans 8:28

Over the past few years, Grace and I have needed to come to grips with the realisation that our God is sovereign. In the book of Isaiah it reads, 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.' Isaiah 55:8-9.

Christ did say to go into all the world and preach the gospel to everyone and to heal the sick, and praise God this is happening. Literally millions of people are responding to the gospel message of Christ and are being born into His family, and many are being healed of various diseases. All we have to do as believers in Christ is to obey His commands and leave the outcome to Him. Just because my experience is different to another person's, it doesn't mean that I should doubt what God says in His Word, the Bible. We are not to judge God and His Word by our experiences.

Why did Jesus come into this world? In Luke 4:18-19 we have the following six reasons listed –

To preach the gospel.

To heal the broken-hearted.

To preach deliverance to the captives.

To give recovery of sight to the blind.

To set at liberty those who are oppressed.

To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.

Sometimes I wonder why our children did not receive the physical healing for which we prayed. If Jesus was here, would He have had compassion on them and healed them? In John 10.10 Jesus did say that He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. In that same verse we also read of the thief who only comes to steal and to destroy. Who is the thief referred to here? It is the devil and it is he who brings much of the sickness to afflict mankind [Acts 10:38].

Jesus taught that sickness and disease are of Satan when He said of the woman who had been sick for eighteen years, 'whom Satan has bound, think of it, for eighteen years...' [Luke 13:16]. There are a number of references in the Bible to Satan being the author of sickness, suffering, oppression and affliction in the lives of people. Of course some sicknesses can be caused by purely natural causes such as improper diet, lack of adequate rest and stress from modern everyday living.

I am also reminded of the account of Jesus in Mark 6:6 where He marvelled at the unbelief of the people at Nazareth and not many were healed there. Is it because we have so much unbelief that many people are not being healed, because Jesus is still the same today as He was yesterday and will be forever? [Hebrews 13:8]

I believe that the secret is complete submission to His will, whatever that may mean, then complete trust in His sovereignty and His love.

The Scars Remain.

Each time I lost a loved one, unconsciously I faced a choice as to how I would react to each death and respond to others. I could have tried to remain the same and not let the death affect me. I could have given up on life and become a social recluse; some people follow that course. Some people become more sensitive, emotionally stronger or wiser because of the intense experience. It is up to us what choice we will make as to how it will affect us.

When we are experiencing grief as a married couple, it is sometimes quite difficult to relate to each other or even talk about the situation whilst a partner is also facing a similar emotional reaction. At times we are not able to turn to the other partner for comfort as each may be in need of the same comfort.

Despite this, Grace and I have always found a comfort in God the Holy Spirit. For those who have come to the place in their lives of accepting God's gift of salvation, He promises that He will abide with them forever [John 14:16]. When one experiences the 'new birth' into God's family, the Holy Spirit enters their life and is always there to comfort. Isaiah 61:2 says that the Spirit of the Lord comes to comfort all who mourn and again in 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 we are assured of the comfort of God. God comforts us so that we in turn can be in a position to comfort others as the need arises.

Grace and I have had people say to us that they personally don't know how to help a person who is going through grief. Our usual reply to them is to simply be near them, love them and listen to them. You cannot tell a grief stricken person what to do, you just have to be there as a friend.

Other people who have experienced a time of sadness tell us that as they have shared their grief with friends, they have sometimes been rebuked and told that it is time to pull themselves together and get on with living. How sad. That should never be said to a person in grief. Some people do overcome their grief more quickly than others but you should never tell a person to hurry up and get over it.

When my young brother Charles was killed, grief affected my parents and other family members in different ways. My mother was so extremely shocked and upset that she lost an incredible amount of weight; so much so that it took many, many months, even years to recover from the shock. My dad was a person who walked around the yard with a whistle on his lips. When he lost Charles, he lost his whistle too. It wasn't until quite a number of years had passed that one morning my mother remarked that dad had started to whistle again. Dad was a very private person who did not talk openly with others about personal matters and so as he worked his way through the loss of his youngest son, the hurts slowly healed. Although my parents had five other sons, the loss of one had a devastating effect upon both their lives.

We each have our own ways of handling difficult situations. For Grace and I, it is now a few years since we lost our children, yet we still have our moments of grief. Sometimes when speaking of our children, one of us may be able to talk more easily than the other on that particular day. One day it might be Grace who becomes emotional and on the other occasion it could be me that has difficulty speaking about the past.

While writing this book I have shed many tears as I have relived many of the experiences that I have shared with you. Grace has also wept as she read these pages while they were being prepared.

You may grieve and that is painful. Your grief will have many stages. Little by little you will be whole again. Just as a broken bone knits together and becomes stronger than before, so will you. Begin to trust again. Trust that life doesn't end with death but goes on, either with God or without Him.

With God, the sting is taken out of death for we know that Christ has conquered death when He rose from the dead. Because of Christ's death and triumphant resurrection, we do not mourn as those who have no hope for the future. If we have been born again into God's family, then as He has risen from the dead, so shall we be raised to live with Him.

On many occasions we have both been asked if it gets any easier as the years pass by. Our answer is usually, 'yes, the wounds do heal but the scars remain'.

Life Goes On.

As life goes on without Chris and Matthew, Grace and I have many things for which to be thankful. We have a wonderful daughter Karyn who lives with her husband Michael, in the same city as us, with two sweet daughters, Lucy and Brontẽ. We are also proud of our son Michael who is now a grown man, presently living a couple of hours away.

We have been really blessed too, in that our son-in-law Gordon re-married and has continued to live just ten minutes' drive from our home. Gordon married a beautiful New Zealand born woman, Susanne, who has become an integral part of our family and we love her very much. She is such a wonderful and caring mother to our treasured grand-children Ryan and Abbie. This has been a bonus to us, to see our grand-children grow up. Gordon and Susanne now have a lively little lad of their own, Zachary, who has endeared himself to each one of us.

At the time that Matthew lay in the intensive care ward of the Hobart hospital after his second operation we met up with a young woman in the next bed. June had just suffered a brain haemorrhage and was in a critical condition when we met her, her husband and their little nine month old son. Over the following days in hospital we saw quite a lot of each other and a friendship developed. I remember Matthew looking at June one day and feeling compassion for her he decided he should say a prayer for her recovery.

June did recover and has since had three lovely daughters. Throughout the years we have kept in contact with each other by the occasional visit and the annual exchange of Christmas cards.

Not so long ago we received the usual Christmas card from June with a little note that read something like this, 'In March this year, I made a commitment to Christ... Now I can see how you came through your losses with you heads held high..... I am attending a local Bible study group and it's wonderful.' Undoubtedly Matthew's silent witness and our friendship over the years have had an effect on someone who has now been born into God's family. What an encouragement this has been to us.

Other people too have shared various accounts with us over the years, including one of our present neighbours.

A few months before Matthew passed away I decided to sell our caravan through a local dealer. One day when I called to see him I apparently had Matthew with me. I left Matt in the office for a couple of minutes while I checked on something in the van.

Many years later when we were moving into our present home I met up with this man and his wife who were also moving in to live just a few metres away. As we conversed Ray told us that he had wanted to tell us something for a long time but our paths hadn't crossed for some years.

Ray went on to relate how that he had asked Matthew how he was coping with life. The simple reply he received that day has been such an encouragement to him over the years as Ray himself has suffered a number of health problems. Apparently Matthew had simply said, 'I just take one day at a time,' and this stuck firmly in Ray's mind. He mentioned too, that on occasions when he is feeling down he recalls his meeting with young Matthew.

A couple of years ago we were invited to a Church service being conducted by a visiting musical group. We were really encouraged by the testimony one participant who related how that she had lost her best friend to cancer. This group then sang the following song that has been a favourite for Grace and I.

Trust His Heart. *

All things work for our good,

Though sometimes we can't see how they could,

Struggles that break our heart in two,

Sometimes blind us to the truth.

Our Father knows what's best for us,

His ways are not our own

So when the path-way grows dim,

And you just can't see Him,

Remember He's still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken,

God is too good to be unkind,

So when you don't understand,

When you don't see His plan,

When you can't trace His hand,

Trust His heart.

He sees the Master Plan,

He holds the future in His hands,

So don't live as those who have no hope,

All our hope is found in Him,

We walk in present knowledge,

But He see the first and last,

And like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me

To someday, be just like Him.

He alone is faithful and true,

He alone knows what is best for you.

Grace and I had to come to this point. If you are going through a hard time of hardship, don't give up on God, but give over to Him.

A lesson we learned from the deaths of our children is that as parents we should value these treasures that God has given us. We have learned that we should share as much time as we can with our children while we still have them. They may not be taken from us in death but they will grow up and leave home all too soon. Let us remember that the greatest gift we can give to our children is our time.

Through the Valleys.

When walking through life's valleys the way may seem rather tough at times. When I want to know how to get the best from my computer programme that I am using to type my manuscript I may have to refer to the user manual. By trial and error I could stumble upon my requirement, but referring to the instructions I quickly achieve the desired outcome. I believe that I can learn a lot about how to run my life and receive guidance to walk through these valley experiences when I refer to my Maker's manual, the Bible.

Some may question that the Bible is no different to any other book. I have a few comments that lead me to believe that this book is different and is well worth reading.

Simply it is this. The Bible consists of sixty-six different books written by approximately forty different authors over a period of sixteen hundred years. It was written by persons of various backgrounds from approximately 1500 BC to 100 AD, yet historically and prophetically it all fits together. The Bible is God's revelation to mankind. It not only contains the words of God, but it is the Word of God. Prophecies which have been fulfilled add up to the uniqueness of the Bible. Events prophesied about Jesus Christ hundreds of years before His birth were completely fulfilled by Him. Many other prophecies about our present day are being fulfilled during our life-time. I accept the writings of the Bible by faith.

There are certain principles that God has given in the Bible. By practising these in every-day living, you and I might find it a little easier to come through some of our trials and hardships.

One that I would consider is the principle of love. When Jesus lived on earth He told His disciples to love the Lord God with all their heart and also to love your neighbour as yourself. [Mark 12:30-31]. At first that appears to be a tall order. But when we receive God's love in us, then it's not quite so hard to show that love back to Him and then to our neighbour. We are encouraged by the apostle John where he says, 'If God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.' [1 John 411]

The apostle Paul devotes a complete chapter to the subject of love in 1 Corinthians 13. Paul relates to love as being the most powerful force in the entire world. He again refers to love in Galatians 5:22 as being the first fruit of the Spirit. Love is the first in the list as it belongs there. With good reason he lists the first fruit of the Spirit as love because every other fruit has the taste of love in it.

Another principle is that of forgiveness. Perhaps you may have lost a loved one because of someone's carelessness or even by the act of a drunken driver and you are struggling with forgiveness toward that person. Can I suggest that you pray to God and ask Him to help you forgive them? I know from my own personal experience that if I pray in sincerity, He hears me and He's right there to help.

Maybe you're hurting because someone has caused you a deep and unfair pain and you are finding forgiving a little difficult, just give yourself time. Give God time too; He understands. Perhaps you may have a friend who is struggling to forgive someone, don't condemn them for their feelings. Give them time and pray for them through the forgiving process.

Don't allow your wound to fester with anger and bitterness. Keep your emotional wound clean. Stay open and close to God and He will lead you into forgiveness. As you offer forgiveness to someone else, you will feel a great deal of freedom from the bondage of anger and bitterness. Let go of bitterness toward God and other people. I've heard it said that our mental hospitals could be cleared of many patients if they would come to this point of forgiveness. Sometimes we hear a person say that they can never forgive and as a result you'll notice the outworking of that anger and unforgiveness in their life and on their face. How much better it would be for them to come to that point of complete forgiveness with God's help.

When we lost my brother Charles, the family could have blamed his employers for negligence of not having a protective canopy on the bulldozer, but that would not have brought him back. If we had been bitter, each of us would have suffered through torment and our physical bodies would possibly have paid the price. Our spirits would have also have suffered as a result of that anger.

When you know that someone is going through a trial or a time of grief, be ready to show them love and friendship. Let them realise that you are there for them and that you care about them. If you don't know what to say and you are not sure how God is working in the situation, just give a hug or a friendly kiss or handshake and they will know by that action that you care. Offer advice sparingly.

When you want to comfort others, be very sensitive. When talking to those who are passing through trauma, allow for what God is doing in their hearts and take your cue from what they say. Of all the ways that you can help those in crisis, offering 'words of wisdom' can be the most risky. Even if your words are positive, they may not be accepted in the way they are given by the person experiencing the trauma.

As a comforter, tread softly. Sometimes there is nothing at all to say. Sometimes it may be simply, 'I love you. I'm praying for you. I'm here for you.' There are many ways to help a bereaved person. You may be able to take them some food, a card, a flower, or offer to do some house cleaning or to mow their lawn. In some circumstances you may be able to arrange some of the necessary business details for the grieving person. Be a good listener when you are with a bereaved person; let them express themselves

Perhaps it is you who is going through a tough time or you are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Remember that there are people who are only too happy to help. Meeting and talking to others who have gone through similar circumstances may not erase the pain but it will be a support to you.

If you are the one who is suffering and if people have said things that are insensitive, ask God to guide your response. It is most unlikely that they meant to be unkind. However they may in fact be saying what you need to hear but you don't want to accept it at this time.

Accept your feelings of sadness, anger, fear, helplessness, guilt or loneliness. Each year in December and on anniversaries we are faced with some of these feelings. Don't try and fight such emotions. Pushing them down doesn't help the situation. For a long time just getting through each day may seem a triumph.

When you experience the death of someone close, or some other life-changing experience, realise that your mind, body and emotions must adjust to the change. Tell others how you feel; make adjustments in your lifestyle to ease the stress and ask God to help you learn valuable truths which you might later share with others. It is possible for you to then show love and understanding to others as you no doubt sought in your circumstance.

Whenever I went to do some shopping, attend a meeting or visit someone during the time that Matthew was sick, I would always leave a contact phone number with Grace or the person who was caring for him. [There were no mobile phones in those days] On occasions I did receive a call and I needed to return home to assist. Every time I heard the phone I wondered if it was for me. Surprisingly this took years to overcome. For such a long time after Matthew's death whenever I heard a phone ring I was reminded of those times I was listening for a call to return home.

If you are bereaved and you're having a downer, let your needs be known. If you are having a terrible day, don't be afraid to admit it. Just phone some-one who you trust and say, 'Help'. If you are so discouraged and you don't have the strength to ask another person for help, remember that God has promised that He will always be with you. King David wrote from experience in Psalms 34:18, 'The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.' Call on Him. He will hear and answer. He wants to be your friend.

Although people may want to help a hurting friend, many times they refrain from doing anything because they simply don't know what to do. A person needing help has to be willing to let their needs be known. Sometimes this may be hard as we really don't want to admit that we need other people. When we do we will find that there are those who are only too willing and eager to help.

If some of your friends don't seem to respond to your needs, try and understand. They may not be as free and as open as others, or as open as you would like them to be. Continue to love them and allow them to learn from experience.

Don't be afraid of your tears, they are a good release of emotions. Sometimes tears may take a while before they come. When we lost Matthew it was almost a month before Grace really began to miss him and then the tears came. I guess at first it was a time of relief for her that Matt had been released from his pain and she had been freed from the burden of twenty-four-hours-a-day care. But in time, the loss became evident and grief brought the tears.

Men too need to weep now and then. More often than not, we men try to be strong and tough with a false exterior when in fact we may be aching badly inside. Some criticise a man if he shows emotion but let me say from my own experience that it doesn't hurt a man to cry. I have shed more tears in the last few years than I did for the first forty years of my life. I think if we showed a little more emotion on occasions we may be in a better position to help our fellow man.

When you are with a person who is going through hardship, or who has been bereaved, be a good listener. Encourage them to freely express themselves. If they say something with which you may not agree, don't reprove them. Instead, make an effort to try and understand their point of view. We sometimes alienate ourselves from friends who are hurting because we may think we would not be able to help. Overcome this reaction, your friend needs you. You may be in the midst of grief yourself but you can still show your love and concern. Be a comfort to those who are hurting and be sensitive to their needs.

When we were going through a particularly difficult time with Matthew very ill, a much younger couple from our church came around to offer their friendship. Although Grace and I did not know them very well at the time, we did appreciate their concern and I might add, they have remained good friends of ours.

If God touches your heart and prompts you to visit a friend or to phone them, do be obedient to His prompting. When God places someone on you mind, respond right away. God is most likely choosing you to respond to that person's immediate need. If you can't go, or even call them, then at least pray for them, asking God to meet their need as He sees fit. A true friend will not force himself on those in need but will be responsive and sensitive to their needs.

One way to overcome the hurts and trials of our past is to give ourselves to other people. You know, the only 'things' we can take with us to Heaven are people. We can't take our homes, our businesses, our farms our shiny cars or any one of our treasured possessions. They will all be left behind.

In our situation over the past few years, God has directed people to our home. We have had some stay for a night, others for a few weeks and some for a number of months. It has been quite a privilege and responsibility to be available when a person has called us or has come to our door and asked Grace and I if we could take them in for a time. Even now, although we live in a small apartment, we still have people come to stay overnight.

Not long ago I was privileged to visit South East Asia including the Republic of China. I saw masses of people without a hope in life, the beggars on the streets, peasants in the fields, the rich in their expensive cars, people all needing to know of God's love. Tears came to my eyes when visiting an underground church in China as I saw and heard some of these people gathering for a Bible study and singing Christian songs in a country that continues to condemn the Christian faith.

The Pastor of this church group, Ps Samuel Lamb, had been in prison for over twenty years because of his faith in Christ. It was such a privilege to meet him and hear him speak. Although he is now an older man, he continues to pastor a thriving church of fourteen hundred people keen to hear more of God's love. This man has a great love for God and a sincere love for his fellow man. What a lesson we can learn from him as he does not allow suffering in his life to hold him back.

A valley normally contains the fertile soil and a running stream that causes growth, whereas on the mountain top the growth is very stunted. It's in the valleys of life that we grow the most.

Looking Forward.

Let me encourage the reader who may be going through a time of trial or grief. Bereaved, you should not feel guilty about emotionally not being able to function normally. The situation isn't 'normal' after the death of someone close, or following some other severe crisis such as divorce, or the loss of employment after many years. It is all right to try and make things easier for a while until your life returns to something to something a little more stable.

For some people the pattern of your spiritual life may change. You may find it hard to pray or read your Bible. Grace and I both experienced difficulty in this area for some time after Matthew died.

When a loved one dies there are certain activities that require our attention and we busy ourselves with these mundane tasks but when the busyness is over we can then find ourselves in a state of overwhelming grief and despair. Be aware of friends and acquaintances who are experiencing this in their lives. Some people want to get in and clear the room of the deceased person as soon as possible while others may want to hang on to the memories for a much longer time. We all handle situations differently so don't judge another if they don't see things the same way as you.

Adjusting to certain common events may also take time. For me, each time an ambulance rushed by, the tears welled in my eyes as I had memories of the many times they came to our home. For a few years shortly after Matt's death we ran a small business on the side of a major highway where ambulances screamed by quite regularly; memories came often. The healing process took time.

For some couples, a crisis can pull them together but sadly, there are others, a large percentage in fact, that drift apart. It's been said that any couple whose marriage weathers a crisis as severe as the death of their child is in the minority. Statistics reveal that between 75 and 85 per cent of couples who lose a child will divorce within the next five years following the death.

Don't you be one of those statistics. You don't have to be. But you will have to work hard at keeping your marriage together. I thank God for all those who prayed for Grace and I during those times.

There are certain factors that contribute to a couple pulling apart and we need to be sensitive to each other's needs. One of the biggest factors is the lack of communication. Each of us as individuals with different personalities, respond to certain situations in various ways. Some cannot express their feelings easily and so must make allowances for that. Blame may be placed upon the other party because of something that they had or hadn't done. This can surely drive in a resentful wedge.

Then there is the feeling of guilt. Quite often we can blame ourselves for allowing certain things to happen; or not doing something which we now realise we should have done. Don't let guilt fester. Talk about your feelings. Be sensitive to the needs of your partner during a time of grief, being careful not to 'cut yourself off' from them. On the other hand, another thing to keep in mind is that we can expect too much of ourselves or our partner too soon. Give each other time, much time to adjust.

Over the years I've learned to know the Almighty God, my Heavenly Father much more than before. I read in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 of the God of all comfort who comforts me in all my trials so that in turn I may be able to comfort others when they are going through a difficult time. As I experienced the death of my brother, sister, father, son, daughter, grandson, and other relatives and friends, I have been very aware of the endearing comfort that comes from my Heavenly Father. Before Jesus Christ returned to Heaven from earth He promised to send the Holy Spirit, whom He referred to as 'the Comforter', to be with us and this has happened.

Created in the 'image of God' our ability to grieve is a characteristic of the living God who Himself is capable of and has experienced grief. Jesus Christ was the Son of God whose Father gave Him up for us. Therefore God Himself knows the pain of grief. But the exciting news is that Jesus Christ didn't remain in the tomb. He rose from the dead, resurrected to conquer death for each of us. As a result, I have the hope of spending eternity with Him and with my loved ones in Heaven. Do you have this hope? Grace and I have the hope and assurance of seeing our family again and are looking forward to this time. Why are we so sure of this? The reason is because there was a time when each of them, like their parents, came to a point in their lives when they each realised that they were sinners and couldn't claim automatic entry into God's Heaven.

God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to this earth; He was crucified, not for His sin because He was sinless, but for the sin of all humanity. God promises that if we accept Jesus Christ as our Saviour and Lord we can have eternal life in Heaven.

I had Christian parents but this didn't make me a Christian. There had to come that time in my own life when I made a personal commitment to repent of my own sin and accept Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Saviour. As a very young child I made this decision to follow Christ.

In this book I've related to the death of my twelve hour old grandson, my ten year old son, my seventeen year old brother and my twenty eight year old daughter. I could have also written about the sudden death of my seventy three year old father who died in the back of his truck while unloading cattle, or my forty year old sister who died after many years of sickness. Life is hard but I am not bitter. We don't know when we will die but the fact is that we should surely be prepared for one day it will certainly happen.

Epilogue by Grace.

You have read the experiences that Murray and I went through together. From my point of view I find it very hard to put into words how it feels to lose a son and a daughter.

Matthew, being our first-born son after a gap of ten years from Karyn, our second daughter, was very special. Matt was a bouncing boy of 9lb 8 oz. and was his father's pride a joy. Watching him grow up, I guess we all fussed as he was such a cute, lovable child with a gentle manner. Becoming sick at such an early age, with all his hopes and dreams for life in front of him was unbelievable. I guess I took his sufferings on myself and would loved to have taken the pain away. The feelings of helplessness at times became overwhelming. Yes, we had trust and faith in God, and His comfort was always there, but we had our emotions to deal with; some days were easier than others.

To see Matthew's simple reliance on God was so precious. Watching him physically get worse was very had to accept. He was such an encouragement to Murray and I, as he always believed that God would heal him.

The same applied to Chris, our first-born daughter. We watched her grow from a sweet baby, through school and teenage years and saw her happily married. Then we saw her lose her first child, James, but go on to have her son Ryan and daughter Abbie. We saw he go through operations and pain, knowing how much she wanted to see her family grow up. Yet she too trusted God, that He was in control of her life and that He would heal her body.

How did I cope with all this? It was with great difficulty where the healings didn't happen as I had hoped. It took a long time to come to terms with the situation and say, 'All right God, I trust You, no matter what'. It was the only way I could face the future. This allowed my trust in God to strengthen me and I can now rest assured that He is in control of my life. He is always there with me no matter how scary that might be.

Naturally there were times when I asked, 'Why'? Having faith doesn't make the loss or pain any less. The special times of birthdays and anniversaries, Christmas time, times when the families get together always bring back memories; a void that can never be filled.

I sometimes wonder how Matthew would look now. Would he be married? Who could have been his wife? I also think of little James and what characteristics he would have. I think too of Chris, how proud she would have been now to see her children growing up into young adults and doing so well at school.

Our loved ones are in Heaven with Jesus Christ which for them is far better. It is our loss we have to deal with. Life goes on without them. A crisis in my life can either crush me or build character in me. I know that I am a much stronger person because of what has happened through the eighties. In the book of Job in the Bible, we read what Job said, 'When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold'.

I don't know what lies ahead, nor do I fear the future. Murray and I know that our lives are in the hands of our Heavenly Father and that one day we will be re-united again with our precious family.

Post Script – 2012

Shortly after first publishing this book in 1995 Grace and I received a call from God to enter full-time Christian ministry. Early in 1996 we joined the mission group MMM International and moved to the International Headquarters just an hour north of central Melbourne. At that time the mission operated from a one hundred acre farm and had the offices and fifteen dwellings for the self-funded staff to live.

I worked in administration while Grace was the Centre Hostess. During the years that we worked there we had hundreds of people pass through our home. MMM is a Christian mission that does building and maintenance work for many kinds of Christian organisations both in Australia and a number of other countries.

During our time with the Mission we met so many people from all parts of Australia and many overseas countries and many of them have remained good friends. We also travelled on the mission coach from Melbourne to Perth in Western Australia three times to do maintenance work in that area as well as sharing fellowship with the WA Team who sometimes felt quite isolated from those of us in the East.

Our last two years with the Mission were spent in Adelaide, South Australia, assisting with the work in that State. Again we met and became friendly with so many more people both in the Mission and also at the Church which we regularly attended and became a part of, and enjoy.

We have now been back in Burnie, Tasmania, for the last ten years and are still heavily involved in Christian ministry. Grace regularly visits the local aged care home and loves interacting with those older folk, many of whom anxiously look forward to her visits. I am involved with our local church in the communications department producing the weekly 'BCC Pipeline'; maintain the web-site and other things. I am also involved with an on-line mission organisation where we reply to the many thousands of responses every week.

We now have eight wonderful grand-children with their ages ranging from a few months to thirty years, most of whom now live in the Melbourne area

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Murray and Grace Poke

