[ "Escape
(The Piña Colada Song)" plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
-♪ I was tired of my lady ♪
-Why?
-♪ We'd been together too long ♪
-What was
your relationship like?
-♪ Like a worn-out recording ♪
-Of what?
Funny animal sounds?
-♪ Of a favorite song ♪
-That makes more sense.
-♪ So while she
lay there sleepin' ♪
-What were you doing?
-♪ I read the paper in bed ♪
-Which section?
Obituaries?
-♪ And in the personal columns ♪
-What did you read?
-♪ There was this letter
I read ♪
-Oh, my crap!
What did it say?
-♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
-I do.
I love to drink.
-♪ And getting caught
in the rain ♪
-Who would like that?
-♪ If you're not into yoga ♪
-I don't exercise.
-♪ If you have half a brain ♪
-I do have half a brain.
-♪ If you like making love
at midnight ♪
-Ew, gross.
-♪ In the dunes of the cape ♪
-Wouldn't you get sand
in your butt?
-♪ I'm the love that
you've looked for ♪
-What? We just met.
-♪ Write to me and escape ♪
-Uh, no, thanks.
Hard pass.
♪♪
♪♪
Did you think about your lady?
-♪ I didn't
think about my lady ♪
-Do you know how that sounds?
-♪ I know that sounds
kinda mean ♪
-Uh, no doy.
-♪ But me and my old lady ♪
-Wait, is this song
about your mom?
-♪ Had fallen into
the same routine ♪
-This better not be
about your mom.
-♪ So I wrote to the paper ♪
-What'd you take out?
-♪ Took out a personal ad ♪
-Are you somebody's poet,
though?
-♪ And though
I'm nobody's poet ♪
-Good.
Poems suck.
-♪ I thought
it wasn't half bad ♪
-This brain is half gone.
-♪ Yes, I like piña coladas ♪
-Same.
I love to drink.
-♪ And getting caught
in the rain ♪
-That's a bad thing to like.
-♪ I'm not much
into health food ♪
-I only eat birthday cake.
-♪ I am into champagne ♪
-I love all the alcohols.
-♪ I've got to meet you
by tomorrow noon ♪
-Whoa, someone's horny.
-♪ And cut through
all this red tape ♪
-Where you gonna meet?
Baskin-Robbins?
-♪ At a bar called O'Malley's ♪
-Big mistake.
Baskin-Robbins has cake.
-♪ Where we'll plan our escape ♪
-Oh, it's lunchtime.
Let's eat cake together.
Here's cake.
Here, I'll put some
on your nose.
Now we're married.
We're married now.
You're my new wife.
I'm pregnant with your child.
-♪ So I waited with high hopes ♪
-Did she walk in the place?
-♪ Then she walked
in the place ♪
-I knew she'd walk in the place.
-♪ I knew her smile
in an instant ♪
-I'm so glad
she walked in the place.
-♪ I knew the curve
of her face ♪
-Walking in the place rocks.
-♪ It was my own lovely lady ♪
-Is this song
still about your mom?
-♪ She said, "Oh, it's you" ♪
-I'll just assume
it's not about your mom.
-♪ And we laughed for a moment ♪
-And what did you say?
-♪ And I said, "I never knew" ♪
-[ Laughs ]
Classic quote.
-♪ That you like piña coladas ♪
-Oh, there was more
to the quote.
-♪ Getting caught in the rain ♪
-Why do you like that?
-♪ And the feel of the ocean ♪
-Why do you love getting wet?
-♪ And the taste of champagne ♪
-What is this song?
-♪ If you like making love
at midnight ♪
-Why does this song exist?
-♪ In the dunes of the cape ♪
-Just call it a beach.
-♪ You're the lady
I've looked for ♪
-I'm not a lady.
It's just my hair.
-♪ Come with me and escape ♪
-What is existence?
Why are we here?
Why do humans have consciousness
but no other animals do?
Come on, new wife.
Let's dance.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
♪♪
