"DROP THE MIC"!
ALL RIGHT.
SO GIVE IT UP FOR: JAMES "RHYME
DESTROYER" CORDEN!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
AND WEIGHING IN AT 90 BEATS PER
MINUTE: ANNE HATHAWAY!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
♪
Reggie: ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT!
THERE WAS A COIN-TOSS
BACKSTAGE --
JAMES WILL GO FIRST.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> James: ARE YOU READY FOR
THIS, HATHAWAY!
>> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS.
>> James: JOSH, GIVE ME A
BEAT.
(BEAT)
>> JAMES: I ADMIT THAT ANNE IS
BOTH TALENTED AND SWEET
AND IT'S HARD TO SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT HER THAT'S MEAN
BUT IM'MA TRY MY BEST AND AIR IT
OUT LIKE TANK TOPS
AND LIKE HER MOVIE "GET SMART"--
HER RHYMES ARE GONNA FLOP
OH.
DID I TOUCH ON SOMETHING
A BIT ILL-WILLED?
AM I THE DRAKE OF THIS BATTLE
AND ANNE IS MEEK MILL?
NOW IT'S HER TURN
TO TRY AND ACT
A LITTLE SCARY
CAUSE THE ONLY CATWOMAN
I ACKNOWLEDGE IS HALLE BERRY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(BEAT)
>> A CATWOMAN DISS?
GOSH WHAT DO I DO!
I CAN'T MAKE FUN OF YOU JAMES
'CAUSE NO ONE'S HEARD OF YOU.
NOW THAT I FINALLY HAVE A CHANCE
TO SPEAK
I'LL SAY YOUR RHYMES ARE LIKE
YOUR RATINGS--
INCREDIBLY WEAK
THEY SAY DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY
JOB, BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD
I LOOKED YOU UP ON IMDB.
IT JUST SAID "NOTHING GOOD."
GOOGLE "JAMES CORDEN IS"
IT SAYS "HOPEFULLY DEAD."
I'M LIKE YOUR WIFE-- I WATCH
SETH MEYERS INSTEAD.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(BEAT)
>> JAMES: ANNE'S PLAYING
HARDBALL.
YOU WANT TO ACT MEAN?
I'LL LEAVE YOU SHAKING AND
CRYING LIKE YOUR "LES MIS"
SCENES.
YOU SAY NO ONE IS WATCHING BUT
MY VIEWS STAY CONSISTENT.
CALL ME MERYL STREEP BECAUSE YOU
ARE MY ASSISTANT.
THIS ISN'T JUST FOR ME,
IT'S FOR THE WHOLE U.K.
MAD AT YOUR AWFUL BRITISH ACCENT
IN ONE DAY.
TRUST ME, I WONT LOSE TO THIS
IMPOSTER.
IT'S MORE LIKELY THEY'LL ASK YOU
AGAIN TO HOST THE OSCARS.
(BEAT)
>> BLIMEY, GUV'NAH!
DID ME ACCENT MAKE YA SICK?
ARE YOU ALSO ALLERGIC TO WEARING
SUITS THAT FIT?
OR DID YOU GROW A COUPLE SIZES
SINCE YOU GOT DRESSED?
YOU LOOK LIKE A KFC BUCKET WITH
EXTRA BREASTS.
YOU'RE THE WORST BRITISH EXPORT
SINCE SMALLPOX
AND YOU'RE FULL OF MORE [NO
AUDIO] THAN A KITTY LITTERBOX.
I SAW THAT ONE DIRECTION GAME
YOU DID WITH THE TATTOO
THE ONE DIRECTION THAT MAKES
SENSE IS AWAY FROM YOU.
(CHEERING)
>> James: THAT WAS ACTUALLY A
BIT MEAN.
OKAY.
I GOTTA BRING IT.
(BEAT)
TALK ABOUT MY JACKET SIZE BUT
ANNE THAT WAS A REACH, YOUR
VERSE WENT ON AND ON
LIKE YOUR OSCAR ACCEPTANCE
SPEECH.
ITS HARD TO BE MEAN WHEN I
THOUGHT OF YOU SO HIGHLY
BUT I GOT TO TAKE YOU OUT AND
ERASE YOUR PRINCESS DIARIES
MISS GOODIE TWO SHOES.
SNATCH THE TIARA OFF YOUR HEAD
DE NIRO WAS THE INTERN.
BUT TONIGHT IT'S YOU INSTEAD
CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW MOVIE,
"THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS,"
BUT I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS BATTLE.
YOU CAN KISS MY [NO AUDIO].
(CHEERING)
(BEAT)
>> ASS KISSES AND DISSES.
WEAK LINES FULL OF MISSES
I'LL BE REAL WITH YOU NOW
SO YOU CAN'T JUST DISMISS THIS.
YOU CAN TRY TO KNOCK ME DOWN
ROUND AFTER ROUND
BUT I PROMISE YOU ANNE HATHAWAY
WON'T STAY ON THE GROUND
I WAS HATED AND SHADED BUT NOW
I'VE BEEN LIBERATED.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY TO
LEAVE ME INCAPACITATED.
I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING AND NONE
OF IT BROKE ME.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
I LOVE CARPOOL KARAOKE.
I'LL BATTLE WITH LOVE AND JOY SO
I AM ALWAYS UNAFRAID.
BUT SON --
NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO GET
HATHA-SLAYED?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> REGGIE: WHO IS YOUR WINNER?
IS IT JAMES CORDEN?
(CHEERING)
WHO'S WITH ANNE HATHAWAY?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
THE WINNER, ANNE HATHAWAY!
>> JAMES: ANNE HATHAWAY,
EVERYONE!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANNE
AND JIM STURGESS.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY!
♪
