What's up guys. This is Wenzes,
welcome back to my channel,
where we talk about personal development
for INFJ's and how to create an Epic
life on your terms today,
I'm joined by Marco from the
YouTube channel straight-mind,
he's a psychologist and he will help us
to understand how habits work. You know,
I always talk about
habits, success, habits,
and how important it is for us to
implement them in our lives. And today,
I thought we gonna talk to a
professional about it. So Macro,
before we get started, maybe you can
tell us a little bit about you, yourself,
your background and your YouTube.
Thank you for having me
and my YouTube channel.
I talk about insights of your psychology.
So understanding clearly what is going
on in your mind and how you can manage
yourself. Optimally. one part of that is
surely how to build habits sustainably.
So you can actually create the life
that you love and it can be tricky,
but if you know the right tools,
actually can be easier than you thought .
One of the things we talk about
here very often is that we,
as the INFJ personality type,
we need consistent progress.
And it's not so much about willpower.
That's one thing I've learned.
What is your approach to this?
Do you believe we need willpower?
Is it that willpower won't
help you at all? Like what's a,
what's your background in this or your
experience when it comes to willpower
versus just consistent progress?
Yeah, there's this one, quote, I think
that sums up a lot, really nicely.
It says, motivation gets you
going in the very beginning,
but habit keeps you going. So,
yes, especially in the beginning,
you need some willpower to get, get going.
But also a lot of people underestimate
this and they only use willpower and they
just want to smash it and get forward.
And those people usually don't
stick to those habits sustainably.
So be smart about this. This is also
what we're going to talk about here.
Use some tricks, some psychological
tricks to build habits.
You some willpower in the beginning,
but over time you will really see and
realize how you can really let go of this,
pushing yourself. I, for example, meditate
now for more than 700 days in a row.
And by now, and sometimes sitting on
my meditation cushion and I'm like,
Oh wait, I'm meditating again.
I didn't even think about doing it
because it came automatically, right?
So willpower is part of it. And some
days you still need to push yourself,
but it gets less and less. And people,
I think overestimate this and think
that this is the only tool they need for
building habits, but it's not true.
It's actually burning you out.
If you just focused on willpower and will
be better with building habits because
habits basically help you
to do things automatically.
Yeah.
And I find this really interesting from
hearing this from a psychologist because
very often, you know, people say, okay,
meditation or habits or all of
these, they're like soft, uh,
you know, soft things that are not
like hard sciences, but even from,
for somebody with your background. And
I mean, you've studied all of this, uh,
you know, you have your master's
degree in everything in that field.
Even you as a psychologist say
habits really make the difference.
And so this is, I'm sure
also something that you,
you learn from from a very
professional standpoint, right?
This is not just personal preference.
Yeah. There are actually tons of studies.
And one funny thing is that human beings,
I think they're still in the evolutionary
process because they're so bad
estimating how things will be over time.
People are so bad at estimating how they
will be or what they will do or what
they will have achieved. If you do
something consistently, for example,
over a year, meditating every day for
20 minutes over a year, where does it,
where does it take you reading a
book every day for half an hour?
How many books have you read in
two years? This is incredible.
And people constantly
wrap their mind around it,
but this is how things happen over time.
Also your brain always adapts
and changes. For example,
if you meditate the areas in your brain,
which are responsible for being fearful
and always boring, those get smaller.
So you can't even use them at the areas
being responsible for being in the
present moment, being a loving and kind,
those actually get bigger and work better.
So you really can train your brain.
And this is what you do every
single day. You sit on the couch,
you're training the brain to sit
on the couch. If you meditate,
or if you do sports or if
you do anything in life,
every emotion that you
feel in every habit,
it's training yourself to become
a better person every single day.
Yeah. It's really interesting.
Cause we talk about this a lot and I'm
sure you can say the same way that it's
an exponential growth, right?
The more you tap into something,
the faster it will grow, the more
accelerates. And one of the things I, um,
I use very often also
personally, that, you know,
we all overestimate what we can do in a
week and we totally underestimate what
we can do in a year. So we already know,
I think how important it is to be
consistent, right? Because consistency,
it doesn't have to be much it's even those
small things that help you to keep on
going. So since so many of us know
that habits actually make a difference.
It's not just you and me talking about it.
There are so many people who
are really advocates for this,
but why there's so many
people disengage from it?
Whyso many people say,
I have those desires
and I want to do this,
but I can stay motivated.
Yeah. I think there are a lot of reasons
for that. It depends on the individual.
One that I found is really
a big one. And I almost,
every coaching session also need to
go towards this point. It's clarity.
A lot of people tell themselves,
Hey, I want to do some more sports,
but what does it really mean?
And I think this falls down to the fact
that most people don't even know what a
habit is. A lot of people think that the
definition definition of a habit means,
Oh, I'm doing just something
regularly just comes automatically.
But from a scientific perspective,
it means that there is always the
trigger that is triggering them reflex,
which is an automatic
behavior. So I, for example,
used to go on YouTube and waste.
My time was watching stupid videos in
the afternoon when I was tired and alone
in my room, right? This triggered
that behavior. I realized this,
I changed this up. That sort
of triggers not happening.
I respond differently the same as
with building a positive habit,
but saying you want to
do sports more often.
So don't just tell yourself I do it
now three times a week because of then
you're procrastinate and you
have Friday. You're like, okay,
maybe I do it Friday, Saturday, Sunday,
and not, not starting on Monday already.
You always push things away. But
if you have a trigger such as, Hey,
coming home from afterwards, uh,
directly to sports or after waking up
in the morning, I start meditating.
Then there's a trigger. And then it's
much more likely to do the habit.
You have clarity when to do it.
And the trigger is after a couple of
days already reminding you of doing it,
you wake up in the morning and you're
like, right, I'm meditating now.
And it becomes normal that you don't
question yourself when to do things.
This is one of the most important
tips I've found that people use.
And that helps them to actually
build a habit sustainably.
That's a, this is so interesting
because as you all know,
I don't have the psychology background
and I really go a lot from a perspective,
okay. What has helped me in the past?
And these are really the things that,
that also like, you know, make
my life so successful for like,
from my point of view and how things
are going first off. I always say,
make it your new normal. We don't want
it to be a task. If you feel like,
if I have to do this for let's say
months, like I couldn't keep up with it.
It's probably too much. Yeah. Rather
start small. And then we have, um,
we have a course that I offer or the
group coaching with the five pillars, um,
to an Epic life. And one of
the main key aspects is there,
put it in your schedule. So
let's not just, you know,
do it on like two times a week.
It's like I do it Monday
afternoon from four til six.
And I'm sure you've heard of this, like,
like the smart goals, right? Specific,
measurable, applicable, realistic,
and time bound. Right. That you say,
I want to finish my book by
the end of, uh, January. Um,
and I wanted to have 500
pages for example, right?
Yeah. Also a little tip for some people.
If it still feels overwhelmingly like,
Oh, I want to use and lose
10 kilograms. It's so much,
you can switch us up and
let go of this output goal.
What do you want to achieve?
Like having so much money or losing so
much weight switches up and just make it
an input goal. Would you put in? So
I, for example, I'm writing right now,
a book about habits. I'm
not telling myself, Oh,
next month I need to have
this chapter finished. No,
I'm just building this habit of every
day in the morning. After I meditate,
I sit down for an hour and I diligently
work on this book for one hour.
This is my input goal. And by doing
this for a couple of weeks, inevitably,
it will lead to me finishing this
book, but it doesn't feel like, Oh,
I need to still do so much.
And this is my performance and this
is my outfit I need to get there.
I'm just focusing on the input.
It's the same with meditation.
I don't want to be super mindful. No, I
just meditate every day for 20 minutes.
This is my input. I read a book
diligently every day for half an hour.
I'm writing on my book. I'm
doing sports three times a week.
And then the output comes automatically
and you're not just always comparing,
Oh, this is the goal you to achieve. I'm
not there yet. Or I feel down about it.
So the input also sometimes helps
people to keep up the motivation.
Yeah. This is also my
experience. Like particularly,
cause you said meditation because people,
when they start meditating very often,
you know, they get frustrated
because after like 30 seconds,
their mind is already wandered off. Yeah.
But if you stop judging yourself
forward and you say, well,
the point is that when you catch
yourself after a minute that you've been
drifting off that you just go
back and meditation very often.
I'm sure you see it the same way. It's
so much about like finding your way back,
learning and practicing that your mind
will stay focused on what you're training
to be focused on. Right? So
this is like a really good tip,
like take it from him.
So it's not just be a use input goals
because that might help you when you
don't know how much you want to
achieve and the outcome will happen
automatically. Right. So when
people talk about habits very often,
it's about physical things, right?
So we're talking about nutrition,
we're talking about sleep,
we're talking about, um,
working out and eating right. Or
things like this. So we, as INFJ's,
we're very cerebral beings. We do
a lot with our mind. And for me,
it's also interesting, I
think for our viewers as well.
How does that play a role when it
comes to habits that are primarily a
mindset thing and only maybe
have secondary, um, you know,
benefits to our physical bodies. See,
one of the things that is particularly
important to me, as I want to know,
as like, you know,
talking to a psychologist,
I want to train my mind to be more
productive in areas that are important to
me.
And so my question is through
having habits like meditation
or, um, you know,
other things that train my
mind to let's say overcome
internal blocks and so on, I have, um,
the wish to create more of a life
on my terms. Like what is your,
in your experience,
the combination of training your mind
that will help you for your mind to be
more,
let's call it productive in areas of
creating happiness and more of a life.
How we want it.
Yeah. Yeah. I think it all
starts with making a plan.
And this is actually one of
my number one habits. Yes.
Meditation and I have one habit
for myself. The second one though,
is making a plan every
evening for the next day.
And I'm really just sitting down for five,
sometimes even 10 minutes
asking myself, Hey,
what would a beautiful day for me
tomorrow? Look like productive wise,
but also health wise, friends wise,
what would be a beautiful day for me that
I feel like this actually makes sense.
I manage myself optimally
when I need dress breaks.
I know this after 90 minutes
of work, I really need a break.
Also when I'm sometimes tired, I can
then moral cop on coaching calls.
So this managing you better, but
really taking this time in the evening,
the night before and
thinking, Hey, create clarity.
What do you want to do when put it
in your calendar time box your day,
not just make a list of all I need
to still do so much things. No,
actually time box your day,
maybe set those input goals.
And if you're clear about this,
this is one of the great habits that
really also give me clarity in my mind,
happiness, and then also productive
productivity at the next day.
Yeah, this is really interesting. So, um,
I think like one of the things that a
lot of INFJ struggle with is that we say,
well, I don't want to
be just this workaholic.
I don't want to be a productive
being, what I want is, you know,
in a lot of ways to help people, but
like to just experience life fully,
to be happier. But I
think like, um, you will,
you will agree with me on this,
that all of those things that are
actually where you think, okay,
I'm working on my mindset and all of this,
this actually helps us to experience
life also much more beautifully and
much more in a way like we're living
like a movie or like the dream that we
want. Right?
Exactly. I mean, on the one hand, we
have to acknowledge a habit. For example,
telling yourself, Hey, tomorrow
for one hour I work on something.
It's a bit like a prison because it's
like a set rule tomorrow. I do this. Yes.
There's not more freedom about this,
but it's a system that is
not here to suppress you,
but to support you and you can decide
on your habits. Right? So if you know,
Hey, meditating may be,
I always come back to this topic
meditating for 20 minutes in the morning.
What support me, even though sometimes
I don't feel like, is this okay?
That makes sense for me. Right?
And this is how you create a really
the life that you want to live.
Think a little bit more longterm.
Where does it lead you in one year,
all the productivity things,
all the other habits,
they help habits if you want to implement.
And this is maybe what is
also giving you the foresight.
And also the insight of like,
Hey, I want to do this today.
Even though I don't fully feel like
it, but it's important for my life.
Sure. Like this also has
an effect on, I mean,
I don't know the exact words
for this, so please, excuse me.
But like the hormones or
the, you know, serotonin,
like all of these things, right?
It does have an effect on that.
Can you tell us a little bit, just
as a background, how this connects,
so if I'm being productive or if I'm
working on my goal, why does that trigger?
Like a feeling of happiness or fulfilment.
Yeah. First of all, if you have a
habit and you make it measurable,
this is one of the beautiful things,
because what's happening here is you
see that you make progress, right? You,
you you're clear about, okay, I meditated
today. Again, I'm still doing it.
I'm doing it for 20 days in a row. I'm
writing my book. I'm shooting videos,
whatever it is for you and this feeling
of like, Oh, I achieved something.
This is why it's important to be
clear because then only you see this,
this actually releases
happiness hormones in your,
in your mind and you feel happy about
yourself. You feel like, Oh, I'm,
I'm actually productive in my being.
And I can actually create something.
And this is really what
is also changing again,
your brain and the system
in a systematic way,
because you built the areas
that you use. For example,
your prefrontal cortex right behind
your skull here is for your rational
thinking for your willpower for doing
things. And if you're getting productive,
you built this part again,
but also you will release happiness
hormones that make you feel happy.
And again, also motivate you
more. It's like an upward spiral.
And this is when you really
built this flow over time.
Okay, cool.
So I think we all saw how beneficial
it is to really have habits in
our life. Like really take this into
consideration, especially as INFJ's,
we need this because we're so
often not aware of, you know,
making that progress that
Marco was talking about. So
before we really end this,
like, can you give us like one
tip? Like if you say, okay,
this is something I would, would change.
Like now from one day to the other,
what is the thing that you would
recommend? Let's say the viewers today.
Yeah. The number one that's that I've
already mentioned is have a trigger,
make it clear. When do you want to
do this by piggybacking on something?
For example, after waking up
after coming home from work,
after brushing your teeth,
something like that.
And the second one is
built preparatory habits,
which is just prepare
something beforehand tomorrow.
If you want to go to the gym
already pack your gym back today,
already be clear about when
you want to go there, right?
If you want to meditate,
put your meditation cushion
already at the right spot.
If you want to write on your book already
opened the word file in the evenings.
On the morning, you just open your
laptop. You can dive in and get started.
It takes away this resistance in the,
in the morning or in the afternoon when
you do this habit, because it's like,
Oh, I still need to do so much stuff.
And what actually exactly to do no.
And clear about it. I have everything
prepared. I just need to get started.
This really helps. So ask yourself,
what are your preparatory habits?
What could be your trigger, which is
the exact habit that you want to do.
And where does it lead you
within the next couple of weeks.
Okay. Perfect. Thank you so
much for taking the time. Marco.
Don't forget guys to check out Marco's
channel on YouTube straight mind.
You'll learn a lot about habits and just
the psychology background on improving
your life.
Remember if you want to take the next
step in creating your INFJ's Epic life and
you want my help with it
and work with me privately,
all the information you
find below there, I'll also,
and of course Marco's details.
And if you want to watch another video
now that is enlightened today's topic,
then watch the video on
INFJ's success habits,
the morning habits I'm already
living out. Thank you so much again,
like always guys. I wish you
a wonderful day, a great week.
And I talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.
