Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very first episode of Bi-Monthly Bull
the show where you don't research what we're talking about
so, why should we?
Now, originally I was gonna save this
format idea until I could get it on television, but with the entire Australian TV
industry going under
that would be like me waiting to play my cello
until I was onboard the Titanic.
You know, it's difficult to  create a political and media satire series on Youtube because
advertisers have decided to completely boycott any kind of political content on this website
which means, from day 1
ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to report that Bi-Monthly Bull
is operating at a catastrophic loss
BUT
don't worry, because I spent all of my money on new equipment and
graphics before I found out about the advertiser boycott so
as I slide down into bankruptcy
I hope you do enjoy the new intro for Bi-Monthly Bull, which by the way,
from next episode, will be changing to a more advertiser friendly format
like rap videos which objectify women, and promote heavy drug use.
Experience necessary? OH
Sorry I was just looking for jobs
I failed highschool
it's not going well
In our first story tonight, Margaret Court is one of Australia's first successful female tennis players,
in fact, she's so well known and was SO good that she even has an entire arena
named after her, Margret Court Arena.
which, by the way, does sound impressive
until you realise that the city of Perth is currently building an arena that's named after
themselves, called the Perth Stadium
and Perth is a shithole.
I mean, if Perth is the bench mark for who deserves a stadium
fuck it, we should all get one.
Old Margey lizard neck recently got into big trouble
because she wrote an open letter saying that she will no longer
fly QUANTAS Airlines as they openly support
gay marriage.
"We really believe that marriage
is between a man and a woman and I have nothing against
homosexual people, they can lead their life
but, don't touch marriage."
For some reason, the Australian population
was VERY surprised
that a 70 year old, heavily religious woman
hates homosexuals
and she was widely condemned by most of the population
even Tennis Australia came out and condemned her views
as they're vocally Pro-Gay
but the best part is
her own fuckin' stadium
Margaret Court Arena
came out and spoke against
Margaret Court, and
in favour of gay marriage.
I just think it's amazing
that we live in a time
where an inanimate object
named after you
can come on Twitter and publicly say
to everybody out there
that they think you're an idiot.
And now, because Margaret Court, the arena
is for gay marriage
but Margaret Court, the person is against it
some people are saying that the arena should have it's name changed
but the craziest thing is,
Margaret Court, the person
actually agrees with this.
She wrote a follow-up open letter
saying that she will be boycotting
her own arena
until the name is changed
to 'No Socially Acceptable Homosexual and Queer people Allowed Stadium'
This renaming debate got
so bad
that the Prime Minister of Australia himself
Malcom Turnbull
had to step in and say that the arena will not be renamed.
and you know what, I agree.
because if we rename Margaret Court Arena
just for being pro-gay
then we'd have to rename all of the other pro-gay products that have Margaret Court's name
on them
I've got a few examples here,
it's just too inconvenient
for example, we'd have to rename
we can't do that
the Exclusively Licensed
That name would have to be changed and
we would have to post-pone
and we can't do that
because I just bought my ticket.
In international news now Donald trump
recently travelled to Saudi Arabia
for the official opening of their new
OR
We Only Made This for Good Press
The centre has employed hundreds of
analysts from across the world
to monitor
and intercept extreme behaviour
and ideologies
like women who disobey their husbands
Now this would've been a fairly routined visit for Trump
that nobody wouldve cared about
if it wasn't for this fucking
terrifying footage
of him and the king of Saudi Arabia
holding a glowing orb
what kind of
illuminati
shit is that, right?
Well I actually did some research and I found out the reason
why him and Trump are clutching the globe
it turns out,
the Global Centre For Combatting Extremist Ideologies
completely overloaded
as soon as the king of Saudi Arabia
stepped into the room.
[WARNING. WARNING. EXTREMIST BEHAVIOUR DETECTED. THIS GUY'S GOVERNMENT THROWS GAYS OFF ROOFS.]
BUT
after Trump helped the king of Saudi Arabia manually reset the centre
the fixed the issue by recalibrating the machine
to define extremism as women drivers
Back to Australia now,
where last month an anti-vaccine
group organised a massive nation wide protest
against the No Jab, No Play laws, which
prohibit unvaccinated children from enrolling in kindergarten and daycare.
which is kinda like banning fire at a petrol station
One of the most common things you hear from
anti-vaccine groups is that thousands of
medical professionals
agree with them
that vaccines are unnecessary and dangerous
well considering that this was one of the biggest
anti-vaccine protests Australia has ever seen
I went there
to see if I could find one of those medical
experts, that they keep talking about
I'm at an anti-vaccine
rally in Melbourne
and we're here to ask one very important question
'Does anybody in this rally
know what the FUCK they're talking about?"
Are you a doctor?
No.
Are you a doctor?
I'm not a doctor, no. No I'm not a doctor
Are you a doctor or a medical professional?
Nope
'You just-' 'I'm into natural therapies'
Are you a doctor?
No, not at all
But you have done your research?
Oh, my word.
absolutely
Was that research part of, like, a six year doctorates degree
or just more Google?
So you're actually against vaccines
for animals
Are you a vet?
No
You a doctor?
Are you a doctor? No?
Are you a doctor ma'am?
No? Are you a doctor?
No
Oh that's true, you are right, there wouldn't be a doctor here. My mistake
About 50 people just ran a red
here, so
anti-vacs, and anti-traffic light signs as well.
So what was your name sorry?
My name's Jeff
My name's Lewis, nice to meet you Jeff
Now Jeff are you here to protest anti-vacs or are you here
from The Matrix?
I'm here to raise an education and bring attention
to people
that are 'malinformed'
and believe vaccines are safe
when there nO
ACTUAL EVIDENCE
TO PROVE THAT THEY'RE SAFE OR
EFFECTIVE
So you've take then Red Pill, I assume?
heh heh heh
Was there anything else that you'd like to say?
Once you give up your liberTY
FOR SECURITY
WOT U END UP WIT IS TYRANNY
AND WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS PROPOSING
IS MEDICAL TYRANNY
AT ITS FINEST
Absolutely, thank you very much Neo
Appreciate it
Are you guys doctors?
No?
Is anYONE HERE A DOCTOR?!
No?
No doctors at this rally
Shame.
As you can see, not a single person here has any idea what the fuck they're talking about
for Bi-Monthly Bull, I'm Lewis Spears
Back to you Lewis.
Thanks Lewis
And now, for our final story
of tonight
I do have to address
the absolutely tragic
terrorist attack that claimed the lives of
22 people
in Manchester, during an Ariana Grande concert
It was absolutely horrible, but what we didnt hear much about from the mainstream media
was the incredible
response from Ariana and the city of Manchester
itself.
Within just a few weeks
they had organised a massive
benefit concert for all of the victims that were affected by
the attack featuring an insane
line up of celebrities and performers
who all came out for free just
just to help. And
the best part of it was
Ticketmaster guaranteed everyone
who attended the original Ariana Grande concert
free tickets
to the benefit
BUT
only 14,200 actually attended
the original Ariana Grande concert
which means
over 10, 000
people LIED
about experiencing
a terrorist attack
to get some free concert tickets
And in response to this, Ticketmaster
have actually announced an exclusive
one-off collaboration with Isis themselves
to recreate a terrorist attack
for the 10,000 people
who so desperately wanted
to be involved
with the real one.
and that's the end of this episode
guys, Bi-Montly Bull will be back
out in two more weeks
Oh no, sorry I've just been told
that the series has been cancelled
for that off coloured joke about
the Manchester incident
um
thats
terrible
well... Thank you for watching
episode one
That was Bi-Monthly Bull
I-I'm really sorry.
