- OKAY, BUT DO I LOOK
IN THE CAMERA?
NO? OH, AT YOU?
ALL RIGHT. [chuckles]
LIKE ON TELEVISION,
ALL RIGHT.
[magical sparking]
[booming]
- NOW, KNOCK IT OFF!
ALL THE STUPID-ASS GRAB-ASS
AND TOUCHY-FEELY BULL[bleep]!
GOD DAMN!
I TOLD YOU THEY WAS ROTTEN.
- I AM BARNABUS JACKSON,
PRINCIPAL HERE AT CLORTHO'S,
UH, VINCE CLORTHO HIGH.
UH--
- [grunts]
- THIS STATION'S
JUST A FORMALITY,
BUT--
- HERE'S A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT
WE CONFISCATED JUST THIS WEEK.
- STUFF--WE DON'T HAVE
TO SHOW THEM THAT.
- HERE'S A WAND
WITH A SILENCER ON IT.
WHY?
BUT I ASK AGAIN, WHY?
ONE OUT OF FIVE GIRLS
IN THIS SCHOOL
IS PREGNANT
WITH A DEMON BABY!
- WELL--
- ONE OUT OF FIVE!
- OKAY.
[laughs]
THE BABIES ARE EVIL,
BUT THE MOTHERS,
THEY'RE GOOD KIDS.
AS WE SAY AT CLORTHO'S,
"THERE'S NEVER A PORTAL
THAT CANNOT BE OPENED
WITH INGENUITY AND RESPECT."
[can spraying]
- NOW--
- [scoffs]
HOW YOU GON' BE USING
AN INVISIBLE CLOAK,
WHEN I CAN SEE
YOU'RE TAGGING THE DAMN WALL?
- [laughs]
- DIME BAG OF PIXIE DUST.
- [scoffs]
- CONTRABAND.
- SEE,
HERE'S THE THING,
THE KIDS KNOW
THAT THE ONLY WAY TO FLY IS--
- WIZARD PEPPER.
- UNBELIEVABLE.
GET YOUR ASS
OUT MY OFFICE.
I WILL TURN YOU
INTO A SPIDER!
THEY'RE GOOD KIDS.
[school bell ringing]
HOGWARTS AND CLORTHO'S,
CLORTHO'S AND HOGWARTS,
THEY GO HAND-IN-HAND,
THE BEST TOP TWO
WIZARDING SCHOOLS THERE ARE.
BUT YOU KNOW,
OUT OF THESE TWO SCHOOLS,
WE EACH HAVE A STRIKE.
WE DO SCORE A LITTLE BIT LOWER
ON STANDARDIZED TESTS
THAN HOGWARTS,
BUT THERE IS A CULTURAL BIAS.
WE MAY NOT HAVE
A HUGE ENDOWMENT
LIKE THEY GET
OVER AT HOGWARTS,
AND YES,
SOME OF THE TEACHERS
HAVE TO BUY THEIR OWN
NEWT'S EYES OR BAT WINGS OR--
- ONE KID GOT TRANSFORMED
INTO A CAT.
THEY CAN'T EVEN AFFORD
TO CHANGE HIM BACK.
- THIS YOUNG MAN'S NAME
IS JAMAR.
NORMALLY, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO TOUCH THE STUDENTS LIKE THIS
WHEN THEY'RE
IN HUMAN FORM,
BUT WHEN THEY'RE A CAT,
WE JUST HAVE AT IT.
SPORTS.
EVERYBODY LOVES SPORTS.
IT'S TRUE.
- NOT EVERYBODY.
- THE HALLWAYS
ARE A-BLUSTER
WITH THE CONVERSATION
OF OUR QUIDDITCH TEAM.
- HALF THE TEAM
IS BACK HERE RIDING MOPS.
WE GOT TWO LITTLE [bleep]
ON SWIFFERS.
- LESTER!
WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,
THE AVERAGE CLORTHO STUDENT--
[squeaking]
UH, SAY--
THIS MOTHER--
[laughs]
SOMETIMES THE KIDS
THINK IT'S CUTE
TO TURN THEMSELVES
INTO A RAT,
[laughs]
SNEAK INTO MY OFFICE,
PLAY A LITTLE JOKE
ON ME.
WHO IS THAT?
TYRONE, IS THAT--IS THAT--?
NO,
THAT'S AN ACTUAL RAT.
