- So I'll take five suggestions.
I'll divide you up into segments
so we get a kind of fair shout.
Let's come to you guys here.
What do you want to hear a rap about?
- Toenails.
- Quantum mechanics.
- Just wow. Two things that
could not be further apart;
(audience laughs)
toenails and Quantum Mechanics.
(audience laughs)
Oh okay.
(audience laughs)
I feel like, you know.
When you clip a toenail it disappears,
it could be in any place at the same time.
So that's a,
you know, almost a
almost the Heisenberg's
uncertainty principle there.
Just to flex that education.
Okay. So toenails, maybe
Quantum Mechanics throw on that.
Toenails was first.
Back of the room!
What do you want to hear a rap about?
- Shoes!
- Yeah, you've got your
brain fixated on feet now,
so no.
(audience laughs)
No. No shoes, no shoes chat.
What's the other one?
- Crypto and the Yuan!
- What?!
- Crypto and the Yuan!
- Crypto and the Yuan?
So the Yuan as in the Chinese currency.
- Correct!
- And Crypto as in Cryptocurrency?
- Correct!
- Cool. Two people in
this room understand that
yuan is him, yuan is me.
(audience laughs)
So. Crypto and the Yuan.
So. Chinese Cryptocurrency, toenails,
maybe Quantum Mechanics.
This little segment here,
what do you want to hear a rap about?
- The Doppler effect.
- The Doppler effect. You
really just, you know,
we just like, let's just
say things we saw tonight.
(audience laughs)
You said tequila.
- Hindenburg!
- What! Hindenburg?!
Wow okay.
The Doppler effect, the Hindenburg.
- Harry Potter!
- Harry Potter, that
feels very, just pointed.
Like a heckle
(audience laughs)
okay. So, tell you what.
You said tequila, you said Harry Potter.
Let's combine those. That's quite fun.
Harry potter and tequila.
Hindenburg, Cryptocurrency
and the Yuan. Toenails.
(stutters) the Doppler effect.
Okay that's five that will do.
This then; lovely people.
No! You can't say sausage.
That's a food. Forbidden.
Also, just a creepy thing over there,
just like, sausage. (laughs)
(audience laughs)
I like you a lot, but no.
(audience laughs)
Okay. Can I tell you what we gonna do?
We gonna take those suggestions
and we gonna do a freestyle rap.
That's a rap made up on the spot.
Based entirely on those suggestions.
Not prepared, not written down,
never been performed or seen again.
And don't worry, it won't
be anywhere near as bad
as you're expecting it to be.
Wow. You're so unconvinced by that.
(audience laughs)
Okay. Shall we drop that beat my friend?
This is gonna be about:
Cryptocurrency, and the Yuan.
Toenails. The Doppler
effect. The Hindenburg.
And the Harry Potter and tequila.
Somehow we'll knit those together.
I'm excited for this, even
if none of you seem to be.
(audience laughs)
and can you pump that volume as well.
Pump it a bit more. That's
what I like to sound like.
♪ Malu on the beat ♪
♪ Make it flow, the words never fail ♪
♪ When I get too long ♪
♪ Yeah I clip a toenail ♪
♪ I take a nice pair of
nail clippers down there ♪
♪ Take care ♪
♪ cause my toes got that
hair growing too long ♪
♪ I see the toenail's too strong ♪
♪ I let my keratin grow out ♪
♪ I sing a song when I do it ♪
♪ Usually a sound of pain ♪
♪ I got the fungus ♪
♪ And now I'll never do it again ♪
♪ Walk, through a swimming
pool with no socks on ♪
♪ When I clip my tail-no ♪
♪ Yeah where it gone ♪
♪ Tail-no I meant toenail ♪
♪ Flip the word around ♪
♪ Let me see the ambulance
coming by the sound ♪
♪ That's the Doppler effect ♪
♪ Where's it going next ♪
♪ The pitch starts high ♪
♪ And then it's directly down the street ♪
♪ The pitch goes lower as it moves ♪
♪ Don Macmillan on stage he proved ♪
♪ How it worked ♪
♪ It's the frequency ♪
♪ I can't move on there with secrecy ♪
♪ Like the Chinese
government out in Beijing ♪
♪ Cryptocurrency is a real thing ♪
♪ Bitcoin and Etherium ♪
♪ If you've got a lot of that ♪
♪ You're a wealthy man ♪
♪ But if you go to the Republic of China ♪
♪ You get a little coin out ♪
♪ Yeah it's a shiner ♪
♪ See all the sunlight
reflect off the currency ♪
♪ They not doing that
well though, currently ♪
♪ A trade war coming on
between here and China ♪
♪ Yeah The White House in fear saying ♪
♪ Oh God, yeah we got those tariffs ♪
♪ Gotta keep the money in that balance ♪
♪ If you don't study it Fiscally ♪
♪ There's no laughs in
here it's a risk for me ♪
♪ But that's okay ♪
♪ Now I'm gonna move on ♪
♪ Quantum mechanics ♪
♪ Yeah and not the Yuan ♪
♪ I'm gonna say ♪
♪ Particles in space ♪
♪ Could be anytime like
tequila in my face ♪
♪ When I knock it down my neck ♪
♪ I take a lot of shots ♪
♪ I'm in the bar, how many ♪
♪ Yeah I forgot ♪
♪ I knock all of the glasses ♪
♪ I try and count 'em up. ♪
♪ Then next thing ♪
♪ Yeah hold 'em up ♪
♪ Your wands, I mean ♪
♪ I'm gonna say this I'm a charmer ♪
♪ Let me take it off you: Expelliarmus ♪
♪ What a magic trick ♪
♪ You can do Harry Potter ♪
♪ Can you refill this
empty bottle of tequila ♪
♪ Get me Jose Cuervo ♪
♪ Sounds like a spell that they do ♪
♪ And I do know, you can ask him ♪
♪ Come from far. ♪
♪ Harry potter how did you get that scar? ♪
♪ Well actually I was
drunk on the worm juice ♪
♪ I was walking around,
here's the mad proof ♪
♪ I stumbled and broke my glasses ♪
♪ When I get drunk on tequila ♪
♪ The girls arses look so fine ♪
♪ I observe ♪
♪ I crash and I burn like the Hindenburg ♪
♪ Coming in the early twentieth century ♪
♪ Tried to land there ♪
♪ It was meant to be ♪
♪ But didn't end pleasantly ♪
♪ Oh the humanity ♪
♪ All the German people
dying, they were set free ♪
♪ It was burning ♪
♪ Never do again ♪
♪ Careful don't fill with the hydrogen ♪
♪ Because it's flammable fools ♪
♪ When lightning strikes
its not gonna end well ♪
♪ No not right. ♪
♪ All those people burning ♪
♪ One little fact ♪
♪ There's still one survivor ♪
♪ Where does he live ♪
♪ Actually in Northern Colorado ♪
♪ This is true, I studied this ♪
♪ There I really do go ♪
♪ I think he lives in a place
called Parachute or Rifle ♪
♪ I've gotta look it
up, tell you the truth ♪
♪ Chris, we didn't know these
people lived for so long ♪
♪ It's true yeah ♪
♪ I've got a really long shlong ♪
♪ Why would I say that ♪
♪ Yeah I am the boss ♪
♪ Yeah I don't call it a big shlong ♪
♪ I call it a sausage ♪
(audience cheers)
