

Love, Ken

written by

Kenneth Rines

&

edited by

Bryan Batcher

a

Faceless Gnome

Publication

Smashwords Edition
Contents

Monsters, 1

Letter #1

Fallout, 1

Letter #2

Blast

Letter #3

Monsters, 2

Letter #4

Pray

Letter #5

Fire, 1

Letter #6

Fallout, 2

Letter #7

Lover

Letter #8

Monsters, 3

Letter #9

Fallout, 3

Letter #10

Stop

Letter #11

Fire, 2

Letter #12

Fallout, 4

Letter #13

Monsters, 4

Letter #14

Afterword

#

# Monsters, 1

Teddy walked through his backyard, heading for the trees. He didn't tell his parents about the bright light because he wanted to see it before they did. Teddy had no idea what the light was, but he wanted to find out. When he made it to the trees, he suddenly became very afraid. It was dark out, and he had forgotten about the monsters in all the excitement over the light. He started shaking, tears formed in his eyes, and he started whining. He turned and ran to the house. He heard one of the monsters chasing him and he ran faster. He ran in through the back door and ran through the kitchen and the dining room, right into his parents' bedroom.

Teddy cried to his parents that a monster was chasing him and they woke up. His father held him in his arms as both he and Teddy's mother told him everything would be okay. Teddy asked his mom and dad if he could sleep with them and they said he could.

Teddy forgot about the bright light when he sat down to eat his Cheerios the next morning. It was the first day of kindergarten and he was very excited. He had his backpack and his pencils all ready to go. He had on his brand new shirt and new shoes and had taken a bath the night before. He was prepared.

When Teddy's mother put the bowl of Cheerios in front of him, he dove in. He was starving. After his third or fourth bite, he wanted to get a drink out of the fridge. As got up from the small table he was sitting at, he accidentally hit the bowl with his arm, tipping it over and spilling milk all over his shirt and pants.

Tears instantly began flowing from his eyes. He kept telling his mother he was sorry for ruining the new shirt. She kept telling him it was okay as she took his shirt off and cleaned him up. She changed all of his clothes and kissed him and told him that it was okay and that she could buy another shirt.

When Teddy stopped crying, his mother brought him another bowl of Cheerios and a glass of orange juice. Teddy carefully finished his breakfast and his mother drove him to school.

Teddy didn't like sitting in the front seat even though his mother said he could. The monsters could see him in the front seat. He peeked out the window as the car drove on. The monsters were everywhere. Teddy was happy to be in a locked car where they couldn't get him.

When Teddy and his mom got out of the car, he clung to her arm all the way to the door of the school. He was excited to be going to school. His friend Billy had told him all about it. You got to play games, have fun, and learn neat things.

When they got in, Teddy's mom talked to a nice lady who took Teddy and his mom to the classroom, but Teddy did not want to go in. When the nice lady opened the door, he saw a monster in the room.

Teddy started screaming and yelling that he didn't want to go in. He yelled that the monster was going to get him. His mother held him and said that the monsters couldn't hurt him there.

She didn't know what the monsters were.

Teddy wanted to make his mom happy, so he went into the room with the monster.

Billy lied.

The monster wouldn't stop talking to Teddy. Teddy wanted to play and learn, but the monster wouldn't let him. So he hid in a corner. One of the other kids wanted to play with him, and Teddy tried, but the monster came back every time. Teddy could not touch a toy without the monster coming to him. So Teddy just stayed in the corner until it was time to go home.

Teddy's mother walked into the room and Teddy ran over to her and hugged her tightly. Then Teddy's father walked in behind her and Teddy hugged him, too. He asked his father to take him away from the monster and they went home.

Teddy did not look out the window on the way home. He wanted to hide in his room where the monsters never found him.

That night, Teddy saw the bright light again. His parents were asleep. This time, Teddy brought a flashlight. He snuck out of his room, down the hall, through the kitchen, and quietly out the back door. On the back porch, Teddy looked up and saw the light above the trees. It blinked three times and then moved down into them. Teddy put together all of his courage and walked across the yard to the trees. He kept looking around with the flashlight for monsters and didn't see any. He walked into the trees and he could barely see the light in the distance. He followed it, being careful to make sure there were no monsters. When he got to the light, it was very bright. He reached out to touch it, but before he could reach it, it flew up and out of the trees.

He called for it to come back, but it didn't.

The next day, Teddy was in a different classroom. This one had no monsters in it. That made him very happy. He got to play games with the other kids and he got to learn some new numbers. He also made new friends.

Teddy also liked Miss Payton. She was really nice to him. She helped Teddy stay inside the lines when they were coloring by guiding his hand. Her touch felt good. She had smooth skin.

Teddy did not want to go home. He was excited when his parents were late because he got to be near Miss Payton longer. Then a monster came into the room. Teddy ran to Miss Payton and wrapped his arms around her. He was yelling about the monster and she tried to calm him down. She hugged him and wiped away his tears. He loved her touching him. He got a smile on his face, but started screaming again when he saw another monster.

Finally, Teddy's parents showed up. He ran to them and begged to leave. His father sat with him on the ride home and held him. He knew he was safe in his father's arms.

That night, Teddy saw the bright light once more. He was determined to find out what it was.

## Dear Missy,

I have much to tell you about my trip. The mail also takes some time to get out of this town, so I should have much to tell you in future letters, as well. I doubt I will ever fly again, as my plane trip was dreadful. Everyone in the airport was so rude. People were pushing past other people. The employees acted towards me as if they didn't get paid to answer my questions.

There was one woman who was polite. She reminded me of you, Missy. Her hair was the same auburn color yours used to be. Do you remember that time? We were just kids, then. Seeing her made me think of the summer we built a tree house. Grandpa helped us a lot, but we put some of it together. You remember, don't you? You held the railing in place while I hammered the nails in. Grandpa was so scared you would fall. Do you remember how we teased him? I said, "Look out!" and you acted like you were about to fall. He ran over so fast to catch you. When we started giggling he got so angry.

We had so much fun in that tree house – all the games we played and the things we made. I hope you remember it as well as I do.

I'll never forget the day you helped me write that love note to Theresa. Mine was so horrible, but the one you helped me with was great. Who knew then that it would end with her and me getting married? I don't even remember what it said, but it did the trick.

This cabin is a great place for me to start working again. I even started something new before I got to writing this letter. The isolation and the peacefulness here let me think clearly. It's nice. I haven't been able to do that for a long time.

So, how is James? Last you told me he was moving closer to you. Did that ever happen? It would be good for the girls. They need someone like him in their lives. You need someone like him in your life. You deserve happiness.

My head is starting to hurt. I've been getting headaches for a while now and I've realized that my work is the only thing that eases them. I'll send this letter off and wait for your reply. I hope it comes soon.

Love,

Ken

# Fallout, 1

Chuck made his way into the first building of the day. Packed suitcases lined the walls of the hallways and the people inside were waiting patiently to be processed. That, at least, was what Chuck assumed.

"How many Medical Officers do we have today?" Chuck asked his Assistant Relocation Officer.

"Four, sir."

"Why so few? It's not like we have a shortage."

"They're spread out thin, sir. It's the first day."

Chuck shook his head. "Twenty years of this and I still forget how busy the first day is."

"Selective memory, if you ask me, sir." The ARO replied.

"You're probably right. Let's get started." Chuck went apartment by apartment checking people's baggage and rooms to make sure everything was in order. His ARO followed after him, checking each resident into the system. The first three floors of the building went surprisingly well. As he entered the last apartment on the third floor he found it hard to keep his composure.

"Ms. Harib, it's nice to see you again." Chuck said.

"It's our pleasure, Officer," she replied. "Where are we headed to this time? We were hoping for a countryside home." She looked over at her three children sitting on their bed.

Chuck looked at them, too. Their burn-like scars did not take away from their beautiful, always smiling faces. The red patches he knew covered their bodies never seemed to bother them. Treatment hadn't worked on their scars but it took away their sickness. Chuck was always grateful for that.

"I'll do what I can, Sarai. Your family deserves it."

Sarai walked over to Chuck and hugged him. Chuck hugged her back.

"You don't even know us," she said to him after breaking the hug, "and yet you show so much compassion for us."

"No one deserves to suffer like this, especially children. They're innocent of everything, and no one has been as patient with RO as you have. There's a property out west that I know of. It's one of my favorites. I'll make sure you get it, even if I have to put up the Custom Relocation fee myself."

Sarai suddenly frowned. "No, Chuck. I could never ask that of you."

"You didn't. I want to do it. Susie and I are getting a great place and we deserve it far less than you do. Believe me, it's something I want to do for your family."

Sarai didn't say anything for a moment. She was looking deep into Chuck's eyes. "Thank you. I don't what else to say."

"You don't need to say anything. Take your family and go enjoy the country while you can."

Sarai nodded her head. "Come on, kids." Her children got up and followed her to the door. Chuck followed behind.

"Sarai?" he asked before they left the room.

"Yes?"

"When you get to the Branch Office for processing, ask them about the new treatment. Tell them I told you to ask. They'll know what you're talking about."

"Will it help with their scars?" she asked eagerly.

"It should. They've had great results in tests."

Tears began forming in Sarai's eyes. "Thank you again, Chuck."

Chuck smiled.

The Haribs followed the ARO to leave the building and head for processing. Chuck moved on to the next floor. It wasn't as easy as the first three. Only a few apartments had their bags ready and half of the ones who didn't weren't even awake. Some had their doors locked. The discrepancy was usual as the Relocation Office always placed the more difficult people on the higher floors. It made fleeing harder.

Chuck entered the first apartment. "Mr. and Mrs. Green," he called out. "It's time to move." Chuck knew they were home, but they were nowhere in sight. They didn't have their bags ready. "Mr. and Mrs. Green," he repeated a little louder. "It's time to move!" There was no response.

Chuck made his way through the apartment, hoping the Greens didn't resist. He knocked on door after door, calling for them. As he got to the last door he could find, he heard noises from inside. He knocked on the door.

"Mr. and Mrs. Green, we have to move you now."

The noises continued. Chuck opened the – surprisingly – unlocked door. The Greens were in bed having sex. They didn't even stop when Chuck came in.

"This is not the time for this. We have order to keep today and we need to move you now."

They didn't stop.

"Some days I wish they gave me a tranq gun," Chuck whispered to himself. Again speaking to the Greens, he said, "I will bring the Enforcement Officers in here if I have to."

Mr. Green leaned up off of his wife. "Come on, you can't give us another five minutes?"

"You've had all morning."

"Not really," Mrs. Green said.

"What do you mean?"

"We got the call a half hour ago," Mr. Green answered. He seemed concerned.

"What are you talking about?" Chuck asked. "The Moving Days were announced two months ago. You got the call then."

"He's not talking about that call."

"Then, what—" Chuck started. The depressed faces of the Greens told him what call he was talking about. "You must know all accommodations will be made for you. You'll be taken care of."

"You can't promise us that," Mrs. Green said. "You know what's happened there before."

"Those were mistakes."

"And mistakes can't be made again?"

"They won't," Chuck promised. "The right people have been replaced to ensure that nothing like that will happen there again."

"Even still," Mr. Green said, "Can you blame us for wanting to enjoy ourselves one last time before we go there?"

Chuck paused. He couldn't blame them. "I can't. I'll finish this floor and come back." Upset, Chuck left the room.

"Thank you," Mrs. Green called after him.

Chuck's ARO looked confused when he came out of the apartment alone. "Where are the Greens?" he asked.

"We'll come back for them."

"That's not protocol, sir."

"I don't care. It's my call."

"Yes, sir."

The next apartment went smoothly. The one after that took some encouragement on Chuck's part to get the residents out. The resident of the next apartment was not home. He had somehow snuck out of the apartment and past the Enforcement Officers stationed outside.

Chuck entered the apartment of Mitch Nichols. He lived there with his teenage son Kyle. Their bags had been outside their door as required, but they weren't waiting in the living room. Chuck heard someone crying in the bathroom. He walked over to the bathroom door, which was slightly open. He could hear someone crying and he assumed it was Kyle.

"Mr. Nichols?" he called into the room. There was no answer. Chuck gently pushed the door open. To his surprise, it was Mitch that was crying. "Mr. Nichols, is everything all right?"

Mitch wiped his eyes and sniffed audibly. "It's Kyle." Mitch was sitting on the toilet, with the lid down, and Chuck didn't see Kyle.

"Where is he?"

Without looking, Mitch pointed to his right. Around the corner from the toilet was the shower stall that Chuck hadn't seen before. Kyle was lying on the floor of the shower motionless.

Urgently, Chuck called out, "I need the Medical Officers in here, now!"

"It's useless," Mitch said.

"What happened?"

"He just died."

"He can't just die, Mitch. What happened?"

"It's the sickness. The treatment stopped working over a month ago."

Medical Officers rushed into the room and started taking Kyle's vitals and performing CPR.

Chuck was distraught. "Mitch, I'm..." He started.

"Don't bother. It's not your fault." Mitch laid his head in his hands and started crying hard. His son was dead and there was nothing Chuck could do for him. Before Chuck could even register that the Medical Officers told him Kyle was gone, they had already moved him out of the apartment. Chuck sat with Mitch. It was a while before Chuck moved on, but he eventually did.

## Dear Missy,

I'm all right. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, but my mind is a giant mess. There are so many things going on. It's hard to keep it all in order. But there are some things I need to say to you. Thank you for taking such good care of me. I don't just mean after Mom died. I mean my whole life. I owe you so much and you've been such a good sister. I want you to know how much I miss you. I know you probably want to visit, but I don't want you to. I need to be alone for a while. Some time to myself up here should do me well.

You would like my cabin. It's on the shore of a huge, beautiful lake. I know how you love water. There are also a lot of hummingbirds around. Yesterday I saw a fox come out of the woods. I immediately thought of you and how much you love animals. I tried to get a picture from the door, but it ran off before I had the chance.

In your letter, you asked me how I was really doing... I lied when I said I was all right. I'm not. It's so hard. Waking up in the morning is the most difficult part. It hurts so badly. Everything I see brings back memories. Maybe I'll be able to handle it someday. For now I have my work. I should get back to it, my headache is coming back. Keep me in your thoughts.

Love,

Ken

# Blast

"Baby, hurry!" I called to my wife. I was already inside the bank and she was taking her sweet time getting to the door. I saw a tall, dark-skinned man with long, black hair push past her and come into the bank. She dropped her purse on the ground and yelled something at the man. I was focused on getting my paycheck deposited on time and really didn't concentrate on what she said. I rushed over and helped her gather the contents of her purse, which had spilled out onto the concrete. "Come on," I said, "I need to get it in there."

She replied, "Maybe you should write your account number down so you don't need me to do it."

"Let's just go," I said.

The only open bank line had ten people in it. My wife saw it and said, "Are you kidding?"

"It won't take long," I replied.

"Just like you?" she snapped back.

"Very funny."

She asked, "Can't you just use the ATM?"

"It'll take forever to clear," I said. "I need it now."

"Well, we'll be here forever," she said in an annoyed tone.

"Can't you take ten minutes out of your day to help me?" I was getting frustrated.

"Do the laundry or wash the dishes for once and maybe I can."

I told her, "You're getting upset for nothing. Look, there's only five people left. We'll be out of here in no time."

"Whatever," she said as she crossed her arms.

I looked up at the bank teller. His face was pale and he was sweating. He had a small white paper in his hand, which was shaking. The man he was helping was the one who pushed my wife.

The teller's arm moved off to the side and the customer shouted, "Don't even think about it!" He pulled out a gun and screamed, "Push that alarm and everyone in here dies!"

My wife screamed and fell to the ground, holding onto my arm. I knelt by her side and held her.

"I want all the money in those drawers!" He slammed a briefcase on the counter. "Fill it up!" he shouted.

I looked back at my wife and the horrified expression on her face was frozen in place. I looked up and saw everyone crouched on the floor and the man with his gun pointed forward at nothing. The teller wasn't there and everyone was silent. There was blood on the counter and on the man's coat.

As I realized what happened, all at once I heard a loud bang, people screaming, and something hitting the floor. Everything started moving again.

"You killed him!" someone screamed.

The shooter demanded, "Everyone stay down!" He walked around the counter and started emptying an unlocked drawer.

I looked at my wife who was breathing heavily and sweating. I said to her, "Honey, are you all right?" I held her close and rubbed her head. She was sweating so badly that I could feel it through her hair.

"What kind of question is that?" She whispered to me.

"Why did you kill him?" another man in the bank yelled. "He didn't do anything to you!"

The killer shouted, "Will you shut up? I'm trying to count!" The other man walked up to the counter. The killer pointed the gun at him and yelled, "Stop right there! Don't come any closer. I killed him and I'll kill you, too!"

Inside I began to feel a strong sense of fear. It hadn't been there before because I was too worried about my wife. In my head I examined all the possible outcomes of the situation. The one that scared me the most was my wife and I getting shot. I started thinking about every aspect of my life: my wife, my mom, my brother, my niece and nephew, my house, my job, and so many more things that flashed through my head. I remembered seeing my father die when I was young and not understanding death. I was afraid that on that day I finally would.

"Why do you need to count?" the man asked the killer. "Just take all the money!"

"Shut up!" the killer screamed. He swung the gun around and shot blindly.

In my dying moments I heard my wife screaming. The killer had shot me and for one brief second I understood death.

## Dear Missy,

I'm so happy to hear that James moved in with you! I didn't think he'd make the commitment so soon. I bet Belle and Tammi are just elated. You finally have the family you always wanted. Has he proposed yet? He better. He can't move in like that and not ask you to marry him.

I had a visitor yesterday. A camper stopped by to ask me if he could use the bathroom in my cabin. I let him, of course. I couldn't turn away a stranger in need. I told him about you and the girls and James. I love sharing good news, especially up here since I hardly get to talk to anyone. Saying it out loud made it that much more exciting.

Did I tell you the local market here sells tangerines? I was there the other day and got excited when I saw them. I love tangerines. They reminded me of a story I wrote when I was younger. I called it "The Fruit Family." It was so silly but I was just a child. I was the tangerine and you were the strawberry, our favorite fruits. When I come home I'll bring you some fresh strawberries from the market. I hope that will be soon. I miss you.

Love,

Ken

# Monsters, 2

Teddy had his flashlight in his hand. He saw the light moving around above the trees. He was still a little upset from seeing all the monsters at school, but he wanted to find out what the light was. He walked across the yard and to the trees. He looked up at the light and it still hadn't gone into the trees yet. He called out to it, asking it to come down. A few seconds later, it did.

Looking into the trees, Teddy could see the light was back pretty far. He made his way in, asking the light to come closer. As he got near it, it moved off to the right. Teddy followed it where it went. Every time he got close to it, it would move farther away in a different direction.

Determined, Teddy kept following it. He got worried that he was moving too far away from his house, but the desire to figure out the light took over. The light started moving faster and Teddy had to run to keep up with it. He got tired and had to sit down. When he did, the light moved closer. Excited, Teddy got up to see it, but it moved away again.

He sat back down and the light moved closer. Teddy realized that the light was playing with him and he smiled. He liked to play. Teddy stood up again and ran after the light. It moved away from him just as fast as he could run. He would stop and sit and the light would come closer. Then Teddy would get up and run after it again.

Teddy was having so much fun that he didn't realize he had gotten himself lost. He didn't know where he was. He was scared, but he tried to stay brave. After all, he had his flashlight. He could see the monsters with it.

Suddenly the light started talking to Teddy. It asked him his name. Teddy told the light his name. It asked him how old was. Teddy told it he was five. It asked him what his favorite show was. He said Diego. The light said he liked Diego, too. When the light asked Teddy where he lived, Teddy got nervous. He didn't answer and he started to back up. The light told him it was okay, that he didn't have to tell it. Teddy was relieved.

Still not close enough to the light to touch it, Teddy asked the light to come closer. The light said it was too dangerous. Teddy asked it why and it said it was sick. Teddy said he knew what it was like to be sick and told the light about the time he had chicken pox when he was four. The light seemed really interested in Teddy's story.

When Teddy was done with the chicken pox story, he asked the light what it was. The light said it was Teddy's friend. Teddy laughed. He told the light he knew it was his friend but he didn't know what kind of thing the light was. The light said that was a silly question. Teddy said he thought it was silly that a light was flying around his backyard.

Then the light said it wasn't just a light. Teddy got nervous and excited at the same time. He thought he was about to find out what the light was. Then the light disappeared.

Teddy called for the light, asking it where it went. He begged the light to come back and said that he liked talking to it. He heard the light's voice say it liked talking to Teddy, too. Then Teddy heard footsteps coming toward him. Scared, he raised his flashlight where the light had just been. Right in front of him was a monster.

Teddy screamed. He turned to run but the monster grabbed him. The monster said it thought Teddy liked him and that it wanted to play. Teddy was yelling and screaming and the monster covered Teddy's mouth with its hand. Teddy bit the hand and it let go. The monster swore at him as he ran away, out of the trees. He could hear the monster coming after him and yelling at him.

Suddenly Teddy remembered that he didn't know where he was in the trees. He started crying but kept running. He could see his house through the trees to his left, so he turned left and ran faster. As he got closer to the end of the trees, he heard the monster's footsteps getting slower. Teddy ran into his backyard and kept running for the house. He looked back and the monster wasn't there. When he looked forward again he ran right into his dad.

He stared at his dad for a few seconds, not realizing what had happened. When he did realize it he hugged his dad and cried. His dad hugged him back and kept asking him what was wrong and what happened. Teddy couldn't talk. Even when he was safe in his parents' bed, he couldn't talk.

Teddy didn't think he was ever going to fall asleep, but he finally did. He parents took him to school the next day to see Miss Payton. Teddy liked seeing her, but he was still upset and scared after the monster tried to hurt him. He sat on the floor silently the whole class. Miss Payton kept trying to get him to talk and play, but he couldn't. He just kept seeing the monster in the trees.

When class was over, Teddy walked over to the corner and sat in it. He knew the monsters from the day before would be coming and he wanted to be as far away from them as possible. He didn't have the energy to scream or cry when they started coming in. Miss Payton kept coming over to him after each one left. He felt safe when she was near him, but he was still scared.

Then Teddy saw the monster from the trees. It came into the room and looked right at him. Teddy stood up and started shaking. Miss Payton saw him getting even more scared and she asked him what was wrong. Teddy was staring at the monster. Miss Payton looked at it. She didn't say anything and Teddy couldn't talk. He was frozen with fear.

His parents finally came into the room but Teddy couldn't run to them. They came over to him and seemed really worried. They hugged him tight and Teddy closed his eyes and clung to his father. They took him home.

Teddy knew he would be safe at home.

## Dear Missy,

The market didn't have any tangerines today. I bought some strawberries, though. I'll eat one for you. I think the cashier was flirting with me. It's been so long I don't know if that's normal behavior for girls these days or if she was truly infatuated with me. She kept asking me questions about my writing and I promised her I would show her something the next time I came by.

It's been a while since I've given anything to you to read, hasn't it? There are some stories in my desk at my house if you want to read them. I have stories from when we were kids in one of the boxes there. Maybe the girls would enjoy reading them. I know I enjoyed writing them.

I've been thinking about Mom a lot lately. I don't actually remember too much about her, but I have the pictures and your stories. You made her seem so loving and powerful. I wish I had known her, but I'm happy I always had you.

My head has been hurting for a while now. I took a break from writing to try to clear my head but it isn't helping. I'm going to get back to work.

Love,

Ken

# Pray

I knelt at my bedside, praying still. It had become customary for me to pray for hours before I went to sleep. Constantly pleading for God's forgiveness, I never forgot the event that changed me forever. I prayed to the Lord to bless me and my late father. I asked for other blessings, but asked for special blessings for my family. I did not expect to be granted those blessings, as I had not heard God's voice in years. At the age of sixty, I was willing to accept whatever my fate was at the hands of my great Creator.

I finished my prayers that night and lay in my bed. I would not wake up the next morning. God had forgiven me and accepted me into Heaven. My father was not there.

Thirty-five years ago, I looked out at the patrons filing into the Church. The service proceeded as usual. Admittedly, the routines of the Catholic Church bored me. However, I took delight in delivering my sermon. It gave me the platform to express my opinions and beliefs and to help others see and accept God into their lives. My sermon that day was about respect. I told the patrons that the most important respect they need to have is for God and the Lord, but that in order to respect God, they had to respect other people first. I emphasized that even the worst criminals have respectable qualities, and that true respect for the Lord is pivotal in salvation.

I finished my sermon and took communion. I gave communion to the patrons and finished the service. I took some time to pray by myself, as I did after every service. I thanked God for my health and the health of my family, and asked forgiveness for my transgressions. I thanked Him for my father and for my father's teachings. I also thanked Him for the intelligence and social skills I was blessed with.

I completed my prayers and headed for the classroom. I had a group of boys to teach that day. They wanted to learn about priesthood. My father had taught the class until that year, when he let me take over. There were ten boys in my group from ages six to twelve. That day I spoke to them about loyalty among members of the priesthood. I told them that a priest's closest brothers are his fellow priests. I thought of my father and his friends while I told them this. They had done so much for me. My father had been so good to me and had raised me with so much compassion. I was proud to teach that class in his place. I used that relationship with my father as an example of loyalty. I told the boys that loyalty to God is important and that it can be learned through the loyalty of the priesthood.

When I dismissed the class, I spoke with the parents of the boys, as I always did. I told them how their sons were doing and my opinion on if priesthood was right for them. The parents were eager to hear from me and they were all very friendly and accepting of my opinions.

I waited in the Church hall with an eight-year old boy in my class. His parents had not yet arrived. We prayed together. We knew the reason his parents were late, but we prayed for their safety, anyway. He told me he needed to go to the bathroom and he headed towards the classroom, as there was one in there.

I closed my eyes and prayed. I said basic prayers and asked for the things I always did. I also prayed that the boy was okay in the bathroom. Anytime someone went somewhere alone, I prayed for him. I finished my prayers after about five minutes, then began walking around the Church. I looked up and down the benches, looking for anything that might have been left during service. I found a purse. It had a wallet and various other items in it. As I picked it up, a woman ran into the Church. She yelled to me, saying that the purse was hers. I gave it back to her and she thanked me for finding it for her. As she left, I felt good for helping her. I enjoyed doing good.

I began to notice that the boy had been in the bathroom for quite some time. I decided to go knock on the door and make sure he was okay. As I made my way to the classroom, I heard my father's voice. I peered into the classroom and was horrified at what I saw. The boy was sitting in a chair with his pants and underwear around his ankles. My father had his left hand between the boy's legs and he was praying for the boy. He then kissed the boy and told him that he needed salvation. My stomach was twisted and I wanted to throw up. My father pressed his lips to the boy again and let them sit for a few seconds. I started feeling dizzy.

They couldn't see me and I wondered to myself why I wasn't doing anything about it. I continued to witness my father do unspeakable things to the boy and I eventually had to run to the bathroom on the other side of the Church. As I vomited out all the contents of my stomach I tried to make sense of what I had just seen. There was no sense.

I made my way back to the classroom as both the boy left the room and his parents entered the Church. My father came out of the room as I greeted the parents. I wanted to tell them what my father had done. I wanted to scream at him for doing it. I didn't.

The boy's parents accepted my father's explanation that he was talking to the boy about his pet's death as the reason for the boy being upset. The boy went along with it. The three of them left me alone with my father. He must have known that I had seen him, as he told me to "remember my loyalty." I said nothing as he left my side and went to the back room of the Church.

I knelt at the altar and opened my mind to God. I did not pray. I opened my thoughts and waited for God's instructions. They did not come. I started crying and silently begged for guidance. I thought about my sermon and my lesson. I realized that they contradicted one another. I should be loyal to my father, but my father did not respect God. He couldn't have if he did not respect that boy. How could I be loyal to someone who didn't respect God?

Priests were servants of God. We translated His words for others to understand. Even if my father strayed from his purpose, I was still loyal to the priesthood and to my brothers who respected God. If I turned my father in, it would instill distrust for priests in the patrons. People would stop coming to Church and lose faith in the Lord. As far as that boy knew, he was doing what God wanted, and he would not realize what he went through until he was older. I forced myself to believe that.

I never once spoke about what happened, but every day I prayed for forgiveness for keeping it quiet. I lived my life respecting God and staying loyal to the priesthood. I did not become my father, but I filled his position to the best of my ability and I became a bishop. I served my God and my Church as well as I knew how, and I became a very respected member of society.

I was shocked to see the boy in Heaven. He said that God had sent him to me. He killed himself when he was sixteen because of what my father did to him. I was overcome with grief, and I confessed to having witnessed my father's heinous acts. I begged for forgiveness. The boy hugged me and told me he forgave me. He smiled and walked away.

## Dear Missy,

I dreamt about Theresa last night. I woke up in tears with sweat soaking the bed. It all seemed so real. She had just died and she came to visit me. She wanted to tell me one last time that she loved me. I got on my knees and begged her to forgive me for not saving her. Over and over she kept saying she loved me but never that she forgave me.

I don't know what that means. I forgave myself for not saving her already. Why wouldn't she forgive me too?

It was just a dream. If she wanted to actually come to me I'm sure it wouldn't be in a dream.

Did Mom ever come to you after she died? I used to see her a lot. She never spoke to me but I would see her when I woke up in the morning, watching me in my bed to make sure I was okay. I never told you that before. I don't know why.

Anyway, how's James doing? Has he proposed to you yet? I don't know what's taking him so long. He's clearly mad for you. That man came by again today. I told him you two were getting married just so I would have good news to share. It wasn't really a lie, you and James will get married some day.

I hope I don't dream about Theresa again tonight. It hurt too much to wake up without her. I'm going to work on my stories now. My head doesn't hurt but I don't want it to start. Please write back soon.

Love,

Ken

# Fire, 1

My girlfriend was absolutely amazing. She was sweet, compassionate, funny, and smart. She was beautiful in every sense of the word. We had plans to get married, we knew where we going to live, we knew how many kids we wanted, and we knew how we were going to raise them. I loved her in a way that I had never experienced before. I also, in a way, felt extremely protective of her – more so than a boyfriend or future husband should. I always figured it was because of the way her parents treated her. She was seventeen and for the fourteen years of her life she could remember, her parents had been mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive. I spent two years being a supportive friend, trying to get her self-esteem to where it should be. I helped her get into counseling for her suicidal thoughts. We fell completely in love along the way. I wanted a relationship after a year, but she refused to make a commitment until she felt she was fully recovered from her childhood and adolescent trauma. I respected that for over a year until she said she was ready. Unfortunately for me, that meant seeing more of her parents. The hatred I felt for them could not be expressed in words. Yet, they were still her parents and she did not want to alienate them. Her two younger siblings didn't relieve any anxiety, either. They were loud, expressive, spoiled brats – bratty in the pure sense of the word. They talked back, didn't listen, and acted like they ruled the house (because they usually did).

It was September when Alisa invited me to spend the weekend in the mountains with her and her family. They were renting a cabin and had room for one more guest. Lucky me. No cable TV, no Internet, and no cell service for three days. At home, I would've just read or slept the whole time. With her family, it was a hellish idea. I would have to listen to her family for three days with no alternative because (Alisa said) it would have been rude to just sit and read the whole time. And forget about saying "no." It was her mother's idea for me to go and saying "no" would offend her. I had to care about that.

So, I packed three days worth of clothes, the appropriate hygiene accessories, and a cooler full of Mountain Dew. I hugged my parents and kissed my computer goodbye. I settled into the backseat of Anna's minivan and spent three hours with my teeth sunk firmly into my tongue, holding back everything I wanted to say. I told Alisa's parents a rare lie, saying that riding in the backseat made me sick and lightheaded, so I could lie in bed and recover from the anxiety of the ride as soon as we got to the cabin.

The bed was so comfortable that I fell asleep in minutes. My very pleasant dream about my girlfriend and her best friend was interrupted when Alisa woke me up. It had been about an hour, and she told me that since everyone had settled in we were going out for lunch. We would go shopping on the way back for food to cook at the cabin. Dreading the idea of being in that minivan again so soon, I followed her out of the room. Then I started missing my own bedroom dearly.

Anna started yelling at Alisa as soon as she could see her. She said that Alisa shouldn't have woken me up – that I was sick and needed to rest. She said that they could have waited until I was ready to go. Alisa told her I didn't mind going then and that it was okay. I was smart enough not to get involved. It became a yelling match between the two, with Anna saying things that had nothing to do with what they were yelling about. Alisa was getting very upset. She tried getting Gary involved, but he wouldn't say anything. He just let his wife say whatever she wanted to Alisa. I was getting angry, but there was nothing I could do. The argument ended with Anna telling Alisa to get in the car and that we were leaving. I followed Alisa to the van. She was crying when I sat down in the seat next to her. All I could do was hug her while she cried. I was amazed that Anna couldn't be civil for a whole day. I shouldn't have been, considering I already knew she was like that. I just couldn't stand to see Alisa so upset. I asked why we even came. She didn't answer. She knew it was a rhetorical question but I really wanted to know why she bothered to go. She knew how much trouble it was going to be. Bringing me made it even worse because Anna was embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend.

The ride to the restaurant was filled with tension. Anna and Alisa didn't speak to each other. Gary was silent. Jake and Cady, however, were not. They were as loud and annoying as they were on the first trip. They were screaming about every car we passed, what they were going to eat at the restaurant, and something about SpongeBob. They started arguing when Jake said he was going to get chocolate milk with his lunch. Cady began to yell at him, insisting that she was going to get chocolate milk with her lunch and that Jake couldn't get it, too. Jake said that he said it first, so Cady couldn't have it. I tried not to listen after that. My head was spinning and they were pissing me off. Anna must have thought it was funny or cute because she was laughing. Gary was reading a magazine, and Alisa had her head buried in her lap with her hands over her ears.

The kids had been fighting for a few minutes when Alisa decided that she'd had enough. She screamed louder than them, telling them to shut up. Anna immediately came to their defense. She yelled at Alisa, telling her not to yell at Cady and Jake. Alisa yelled back, saying that they were being too loud and they were getting on her nerves. I laid my head back and tried to tune out everything around me. I missed my parents and my house. I missed my sanity. Alisa eventually stopped arguing. She didn't seem to think there was any point. I whispered in her ear that I loved her, but I doubted it would help.

When we got to the restaurant, Gary asked Anna if she wanted to smoke a cigarette with him before they went in. Anna agreed and told Alisa to go get a table. She was glad to get away from them, even for just a minute or two. I went with her. She told the host we wanted a table for six and he seated us. Alisa laid her head down on the table and started crying again. I asked her why she put herself through that stress. She told me it was because they were family. I told her that even with family, there was a line that needed to be drawn. She apologized for her mother. I told Alisa it wasn't her fault and that it would all be over in three days. She said it was too long.

She went to the bathroom, leaving me alone at the table, waiting on her family to arrive. They did, and Jake sat next to me. He started asking me question after question. He asked about anything he saw on me: my ring, my watch, my necklace, my shirt, my hair, my glasses, and even my mustache. It gave me a headache and I wanted to share it with him. Alisa finally came back, making her brother sit on the outside of the booth, letting her sit next to me.

When the waiter came and asked what we all wanted to drink, I panicked inside. I was anticipating the return of the chocolate milk argument. Indeed, it came. As fast as he could, Jake said he wanted chocolate milk. Cady yelled at him and said she was going to get chocolate milk, not Jake. Thankfully, Anna stopped them this time. She told them to calm down and be quiet. She said both of them could get chocolate milk. Jake and Cady stopped fighting, but neither looked happy. The restaurant didn't have Mountain Dew, so I ordered lemonade instead.

Once the waiter left, Anna started talking to me. I had to make myself listen, as my natural reaction to her voice was to tune it out. She asked me what I was going to eat, why I chose it, and if I liked anything else on the menu. Then she questioned me about my family, asking questions she already knew the answers to. She was just as annoying as Jake and she was making my headache worse. When Anna finally stopped talking to me, I asked Alisa if she had any Tylenol in her purse. Anna must have heard me (dammit) since she asked if I had a headache. I lied and said I had a small one. She offered me something for it, even though I had already asked Alisa. Alisa told her mother that she was already getting something for me. I wished she hadn't. Anna's attitude changed dramatically and she reacted to Alisa in a defensive way, telling Alisa that she was just trying to be nice. She said Alisa didn't have to "snap" at her. I hoped Alisa would have just let it go, but she didn't. I loved her persistence, but it definitely was not a good thing when it came to Anna. She argued with her mother. She told her that she wasn't "snapping" at her, that she had already gotten Tylenol out for me and she didn't want Anna to worry about it. Anna argued back, saying that Alisa needed to respect her, especially out in public. Alisa said it wasn't an issue of respect, that Anna had just misunderstood her. Anna told her to stop arguing, that it wasn't polite to do it in a restaurant. Alisa threw her head back and sighed. I still hadn't gotten any Tylenol.

There wasn't much conversation from then on. We ordered our food and it came quickly. The kids started to argue about something while they were eating, but Jake got distracted by an odd-looking French fry that he found on his plate. We finished eating peacefully and my headache waned some. Then the waiter came and asked if we wanted dessert. I wanted to kill him. Jake and Cady started yelling over each other shouting out what they wanted for dessert. Anna quieted them down and told them she couldn't afford dessert. They started whining and screaming because they wanted ice cream. Anna was yelling over them to get them to stop. When they finally did, she told the waiter they weren't getting dessert and he gave her the check. Then we left the restaurant for another car ride.

## Dear Missy,

Well, it took him long enough. What's the engagement ring look like? I bet he got you a nice diamond. He loves spoiling you. Let me know when you set a date. Hopefully I will be home by the time the wedding comes around.

The girl at the market was definitely flirting with me. She asked me to take her out for lunch when I was in there today. I was flattered, but I turned her down. I'm just not ready for it yet. It's too soon. Besides, I'm not living here permanently. It probably wouldn't work.

I had a dream last night but it wasn't about Theresa. It was a strange dream. You and I were children, but Belle and Tammi were with us. We were all playing together in the tree house. It was strange and pleasant at the same time. I could relate to the girls on their level and I also got to relive some of my childhood with you. I miss the times I spent with you back then. Once we became adults it was never the same.

How's Mom? I hope she likes living with you. Is she following the doctor's instructions? I don't know what I'd do if she died. My head really hurts. I think this is the worst headache I've gotten since I moved out here. I miss you and I hope to hear from you soon.

Love,

Ken

# Fallout, 2

"It gets harder every year, Susie, seeing kids die. I can't handle it." Chuck grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Put that down, Chuck." Susie took it out of his hand and put it on the kitchen counter. "You know you've said that every year since you started?"

"Well, I mean it this time. It's getting worse. No matter how much success we have with treatment, people just keep dying. A lot of them are kids."

"You can't quit, Chuck. RO is low on good officers."

Chuck shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder if there's any point, you know?

"No, I don't know. What are you talking about?"

"We move people over and over but they're still dying. Sickness gets worse, the burns get worse, and we just keep moving people and they just keep dying. Today I watched a grown man cry his eyes out after seeing his son die in the shower. He was a teenager. He didn't deserve it. Sarai's kids are covered in burn scars. They'll never have normal lives."

"Sarai?" Susie was curious.

"She's a woman I moved today."

"You call her by her first name?"

"She's special, Susie."

Susie looked jealous.

"Not special like you, of course. Her husband is dead and her children are scarred and she never complains. She cooperates with us, chats with us, even donates money to RO when she can afford it."

The look of jealousy left Susie's face.

"I've never moved anyone like her. She doesn't deserve the life she's been given. No one deserves the world we live in."

"There's nothing you can do, Chuck. RO's job is make this world as livable as possible."

"There's got to be something else we can do. Something to fix what we did."

"They're working on it, you know that."

Chuck paused for a few seconds. "I know. I just wish it wasn't taking so long."

Susie put her hand on Chuck's shoulder.

"You remember that house we stayed in out west a couple years ago?" he asked her.

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna get it for Sarai's family."

"What do you mean, 'get it?'" Susie looked confused. She pulled her hand back.

"I told her I would put up the Custom Relocation fee so they could get it."

Susie became annoyed. "Without asking me?"

"I didn't think I had to. I thought you'd be okay with it."

"You work for them, Chuck. You know how much that fee is. We can't afford that."

"Why not, Susie? Look at the nice places we get to live in." He waved his arm around the house. "They always give us the newest car. We've got plenty saved in the bank."

"We still have bills to pay. How much do they take out of your check to pay the bills for the 'nice places' they give us? We're still paying off this furniture, not to mention the credit cards we've had since we got married."

"Listen to me, Susie."

Susie was angry.

Chuck continued, "I know the fee is expensive."

"It'll drain the savings account."

"I know, but we are doing well. Even without the savings account, we will always be fine. Sarai relies on the government for everything. Her children have seen nothing but tiny, sometimes dirty apartments. They deserve that house more than anyone."

"That's not your problem, Chuck. You go to work and you do your job. You don't do favors."

Chuck stared at Susie for a few seconds. "Where is all this coming from? This isn't like you."

"We were supposed to start our own family. That's what the savings account is for."

"Are you pregnant?"

"No, but I want to be."

Chuck walked closer to Susie and took her hand. "We'll have our family, Susie, with or without that savings account. Sarai needs this."

Susie pulled her hand away again. "You can't make those kind of decisions by yourself."

The phone rang. Susie sighed in annoyance. "Don't answer it, Chuck."

He answered the phone anyway. "Hello?"

One of Chuck's fellow Relocation Officers was on the other end. "Chuck?"

"Yeah?"

"The fourth shift officer didn't show up tonight. We need you to come in."

Chuck looked at Susie.

"Don't even say it," she said. "I'm going to bed." She turned around and went into their bedroom.

"I'll be there," Chuck said and hung up the phone. He got dressed again and drove to the relocation site for the fourth shift. It was dark out and Enforcement was increased outside the complex. It was a retirement community that Chuck hadn't been to before. He was tired but ready to work. He picked up his chart from the Assistant Branch Director, grabbed an ARO and headed into the building.

"We're having difficulties with this building, sir," the ARO told Chuck.

"What kind of difficulties?"

"Just take a look."

Chuck walked into the first quad. It was a large room with a TV, couches and chairs, and a few exercise machines. There were doors lining all four walls for the living quarters. There were no bags outside any of them. "Has anyone tried going in?"

"Doors are locked. No one will answer from inside. The security cameras show them in there moving around so we know they're not dead. They just won't answer."

"Did you call the super?"

"He's missing, sir."

"Missing?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, what's the Director waiting for? Bust the doors in."

"When he heard you were coming he said to wait for you."

Chuck was surprised and confused. "Why me?"

"You've been doing this for twenty years, he trusts your judgment. He thought maybe you could defuse the situation before it came to 'busting in.'"

"He's the Assistant Branch Director – three levels above me. He shouldn't be deferring to me."

"If I may say, sir, you're the best that RO has. You know just as much as the Head Director himself and you've been here longer."

"Still doesn't change protocol."

"Because you're one for protocol?"

Chuck gave the ARO a dirty look. "Not the point."

The ARO smiled back. "It's your move, sir."

"Yeah, I got it." Chuck pushed his chart against the ARO's chest and let go of it. He walked up to Room One and knocked on the door. "It's time to move!" There was no response. "What's the name here?"

"Martinez, sir. Mark and Lisa."

"Mr. and Mrs. Martinez, please open the door and talk to me."

There was still no response.

"Look, folks. The men out here want to break your door down and shoot you. I don't want that to happen."

A male voice came from inside, "Don't pretend to care about us!"

Chuck looked back at the ARO, surprised. He looked back to the door. "I'm not pretending, sir. I do care. Besides, whether I care about you or not, they'll come in and shoot you and I'll have to clean the mess. I really don't want to have to do that."

Mark Martinez opened the door slowly. "They won't actually shoot us, will they?"

"No," Chuck said, "but it got you to open the door."

Mark quickly tried to push the door shut, but Chuck held it open.

"Look, Mr. Martinez, we have to move you. It's getting late and we have plenty more buildings to go tonight."

"We're not going anywhere."

"Don't do this, sir. You know it's not going to work. They won't shoot you with bullets, but the men outside have tranquilizers."

"We've all discussed this. We're too old to keep moving. None of us are going." He walked back into his living room and sat down on the couch.

Chuck followed him. "How do you plan to stop it?"

"We won't cooperate. You won't force us all out. How will it make you all look?"

Chuck shook his head. "You don't know much about the Relocation Office, do you?"

"We can't go," Lisa said to Chuck.

"Why not? What makes it so hard for you to move?"

"We're sick," Mark said. "We're old. We're tired. We're constantly in pain."

"That's why we're moving you, to get you somewhere better."

Mark became angry. "We're going to die anyway! Moving will hardly give us any extra time. What you're doing does not help us. It causes us more stress and pain."

Chuck was torn. Mark was only feeding his feeling that Relocation was pointless. His resolve started to fade. "Please, Mr. Martinez, go peacefully. I don't want to see them hurt you."

"I don't believe they will."

Chuck stared at Mark. He seemed so sure the Officers wouldn't use force. Chuck couldn't keep his composure. Tears formed in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said. He walked out of the room and up to his ARO. "They won't go peacefully."

"What do we do?"

Chuck looked uneasy. "Bring in the Enforcers."

"Are you sure? Tranquilize all these people?"

Chuck wiped away tears and said, "I have no choice." He walked away and headed for the next building.

## Dear Missy,

I'm sorry Missy. I don't know why I asked about Mom. I think the headache I had the last time I wrote you made me a little delusional. She went to the retirement home last year. The people there make sure she follows doctor's orders. Does she like it there?

How was the wedding? You must be so blissful. James has always been a great man and I'm so happy that you two found each other. I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I'm just not ready to leave here yet. I wanted to come, truly I did. I feel so horrible that I missed it. You'll have to send me pictures. I'm sure you were beautiful. You definitely got the looks in the family. I've never worn a suit well. Ah, I'm crying thinking about the girls. I hope you had Belle and Tammi as flower girls. That would've been the sweetest. Please, send me pictures soon.

Writing about the girls makes me think of a story I wrote when we were young. It was about you and Mom. I told you about it once before. Do you remember? You were going door to door with Mom, trying to sell cookies and Dad—

Never mind. I'm not going to write about him. I have to get back to work. My head is starting to hurt. I look forward to your next letter and the pictures.

Love,

Ken

# Lover

The warm glow of the lamp beside me was comforting. I looked into the night, seeing an abandoned street corner. There was an old warehouse, a closed down restaurant building, and an empty, decrepit apartment building. There sat one lonely car. It was parked in front of the storage house, about a block away from me. I stood atop the stairs that came from Everett Park and led into the intersection of James Lane and Cyril Street. It was a familiar scene for me. I liked to stand on the steps and look out over the town buildings at the city. Myer City was so close, but at the same time so distant.

The steps were perfect: each brick aligned perfectly and they were all the same shade of gray. The town maintained them well. They were, after all, historically important. Cyril Myer was walking down them the evening he was stabbed to death. Ravenstown was renamed Myer City in his honor, yet our little suburban town of Crowsville was all but forgotten.

Cyril was regarded as a great man who fought for citizens' rights. He was a defense attorney-turned-politician who took a radical view of democracy. He firmly believed that the citizens of any town, city, state, or country should have complete authority over everything they did. Although people did not share his view, most respected him for standing up for his beliefs.

I had studied him for years and at times he became an obsession for me. I strived to emulate every aspect of his character and personality in everything I did. I was not a politician, however. I was the owner of the old restaurant at the street corner. At least, I used to be. The town building inspector had deemed my restaurant unsafe three times. It wasn't my fault. I didn't have the necessary funds to keep it up to code, but I saw no reason people still couldn't get their food to go.

Cyril Myer was stabbed to death by a mad woman. She had been his lover once, or so Cyril had insisted. She had accused him of rape and tried to ruin his career and campaign. She could never prove it, of course. Her sick obsession with her fantasy must have driven her to insanity. She brutally attacked and killed him the night before the town election.

The building inspector resembled Cyril Myer's lover quite well. They had the same blonde hair, hazel eyes, and full lips. I watched her walk down James Lane in her jogging outfit. She was sweating and breathing heavily. She stopped to drink from her water bottle.

That was my chance.

I walked down the steps and approached her. Before she could swallow, I shoved her to the ground with all my strength. Water sprayed from her mouth. I kicked her in the stomach and she screamed in pain.

She shouted, "I'll tell everyone!"

I said, "Over my dead body."

"Why can't you accept 'no'?"

"Nobody denies me!" I screamed.

I kicked her again and she cried out in pain. I looked around and everything was different. I saw my lamps and my street signs. How were they mine? I looked down at the building inspector and there was blood coming from her mouth. I looked back at the old lamps and signs. They were just as they were when I was atop the stairs.

I picked up my lover and carried her, kicking and screaming, into the shoe factory warehouse. I threw her hard onto the ground, face up. I got on top of her and shouted, "You will do what I tell you! You are going to tell everyone that we were lovers for one night. You agreed to meet me and you _wanted_ to be with me."

She struggled underneath me, screaming, "I hate you! I'll tell them all! You'll be finished!"

"No!" I shouted back. "You'll ruin my campaign! My career will be over!" She grabbed a shoe and hit me on the side of the head. I smacked her across the face. The rock went flying across the empty room.

The building inspector said, "That place was a disaster waiting to happen. I did the town a favor by shutting it down."

I had heard enough. I tore her clothes off and I raped her. I threatened to kill her if she told anyone. That would keep her quiet. She agreed.

I let the building inspector go and she ran for her car. As I watched her go, I remembered what my lover had done to me. She killed me. I would not let the building inspector get away with it, too.

I grabbed the rock she hit me with and ran after her. I hit her head with it over and over again. Her head and the ground were covered in blood. I looked at her car. She had dropped the keys a few feet away. I looked out at the stairs. Cyril Myer was dead. I was a killer. I picked up the keys, got in the car, and drove away.

## Dear Missy,

It's too hard. I thought if I could get away from home it might help. That it might take my mind away. I see her everywhere. I can't go down to the lake, build a fire, or walk through the woods without crying. We never even did those things together. It seems like the more I try to forget, the more I remember. I can't look out the window at the bird feeder without thinking how much she loved birds. I went outside to rip it down but couldn't bring myself to. I came back in and cried for hours.

I even see her in my stories. I find myself writing her into them. Characters with her name, looks, personality. Each time I go back and rip up the pages. It's too hard to see her face with the other characters. Why should they have her if I can't? Okay, I know what you're going to say to that, but I still can't handle it.

The more I write, though, the more I see into myself. My characters are suffering. With each page I write, something more terrible happens than on the page before. It scares me. Before I came up here I never wrote anything like that. I never thought about writing anything like that. I always want to rip those pages up, too, but I never can. I feel like the stories need to happen that way. I can't explain it.

Please tell Mom that I love her. I don't know if she'll remember you when you see her but please try anyway.

Love,

Ken

# Monsters, 3

Teddy saw Billy's mom come through the front door. He was happy to see Billy follow her in. Teddy was sitting in the living room next to his toy chest. He didn't get up, but he said "hi" to Billy. Billy took two dinosaur toys out of the chest and gave one to Teddy. He took it and Billy sat down. Billy started playing with his dinosaur, making roaring sounds. Teddy tried to play, but his pretend roaring didn't sound mean enough. Billy asked Teddy what was wrong and he told him that a monster tried to hurt him. Teddy's mom looked at him. She looked surprised.

Teddy's mom came over to him and asked him what he just said. Teddy didn't say anything. His mom walked back over to Billy's mom.

Billy asked Teddy if it was scary. Teddy told him it was. He said he didn't know if he was going to get away. Teddy's mom looked at him again. She watched him talk to Billy. Billy asked him what the monster looked like. Teddy couldn't answer. Billy asked him how he got away. He said he bit the monster's hand.

Talking to Billy made Teddy feel better. He played with Billy for a few hours. He didn't talk about the monster anymore.

The next day Teddy's parents took him to a doctor's office. They brought him into a room with some chairs and a couch. Teddy asked his parents what they were doing there and they told him he was going to get help with the monsters. A doctor couldn't help Teddy with the monsters. Nobody knew what the monsters were.

Teddy didn't say that to his parents. He couldn't tell them what the monsters were. He couldn't talk about it. He didn't want to talk about it. He waited patiently for the doctor to come in.

Finally, the door opened. A monster walked in the room. Teddy was so exhausted from being scared that he couldn't scream. He buried his head in his dad's coat and cried quietly. His parents asked him what was wrong and he asked them to take him away from the monster. They walked Teddy out the room and started whispering with the monster. He tugged on his dad's coat and told him to get away from the monster. Teddy's dad told him that the monster wasn't a monster, that it was a doctor, but he was wrong. Teddy knew what the monsters were.

The monster said it wanted to try something else. Teddy didn't know what it was talking about but it scared him. He hid behind his dad and the monster went into another room. Teddy watched the door of that room carefully. A doctor came out of it and asked them to go back in the room.

Teddy sat on the couch with his parents. The doctor started talking to his dad. A few minutes later, she started talking to Teddy. She asked Teddy about the monsters. She asked all kinds of questions but Teddy couldn't answer any of them. He kept looking at his dad saying he wanted to go home.

Teddy felt like it was forever before his parents said they could leave. They took him straight home.

Later that day Billy came over again. Teddy's mom kept watching them play. He thought he was doing something wrong, but she never yelled at him. She just watched. After playing with dinosaurs for a while, Billy wanted to go outside. He asked Teddy if he wanted to go with him and he said "yes." They asked their moms and they took Billy and Teddy out in the backyard.

Billy ran right to the swing set. Teddy started to follow him until he saw the trees. He remembered the light and the monster. His mom came out behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. Slowly, Teddy walked over to the swing set with Billy. He sat on a swing and gently pushed himself into motion, facing the trees to make sure the monster didn't come out.

Billy kept swinging higher and higher but Teddy stayed low. He didn't want to distract himself with the swinging in case the light or the monster came back. While swinging, Billy asked Teddy if he wanted to play catch. He didn't, but he said yes to Billy make him happy. He didn't want to upset his best friend.

Teddy went in the house to get his baseball. When he came back outside Billy was standing next to the swing set. He told Teddy to stand by the trees and throw him the ball. Teddy got scared. When he didn't go to the trees, Billy told him to again. Slowly, Teddy walked over to the trees. After staring into them for a minute, he turned around and threw the ball to Billy. Billy threw it back. After each throw, Teddy would look back at the trees to make sure the monster wasn't there.

Teddy's mom was watching Teddy play catch. She looked worried and went into the house. A few seconds later, both of Teddy's parents came out. They watched him and Billy throw the ball back and forth with Teddy still looking back at the trees each time. Teddy smiled at his dad. He smiled at Teddy and went back in the house.

Billy threw the ball to Teddy and it went too high. It flew over his head and went through the trees. Teddy's stomach felt uneasy as he looked at the tree line. Billy told him to go get the ball.

Teddy was frozen with fear.

Billy told him to get it again. Teddy heard his mom call his name. That made him feel safe. He went over to the trees where the ball went in. Teddy's mom called his name again. He walked into the trees, looking for the ball. A few steps in, Teddy could hear his mother calling his name over and over. He looked down and saw the baseball.

Before Teddy could grab the ball, a monster came running at him. He screamed and the monster grabbed him. Teddy tried to keep screaming but the monster covered his mouth. It started carrying him through the trees, running faster and faster. Teddy was crying and he was kicking and punching at the monster but it wouldn't let him go.

After a few minutes Teddy stopped fighting. He was scared and exhausted and the monster just wouldn't let go of him. It started talking to Teddy. It told him if he was quiet and behaved that it would be nice to him. Teddy didn't believe it but he didn't have a choice. He didn't want the monster to hurt him.

The monster brought him to a camp where there were a bunch of other monsters. They were sitting around a campfire and when the monster carried Teddy over to them they all got up and started smiling. Teddy knew the monster wasn't going to be nice to him. Monsters were never nice.

The monsters took Teddy's clothes off of him.

Teddy went to the place in his head where he can't see the monsters. Every time monsters hurt him he went there. He didn't want to see the monsters or feel them hurting him. He thought about playing dinosaurs with Billy. He thought about his mom making him breakfast. He thought about his dad reading him stories in bed. He thought about Miss Payton and school.

The monsters were still hurting Teddy. He tried to think about anything. He thought about Cheerios. He thought about toys. He thought about baseballs. He thought about trees and grass and bugs and water. It wasn't enough. Teddy couldn't hide from the monsters anymore.

He started crying and screaming but the monsters kept hurting him. It seemed like the louder Teddy screamed the more they hurt him. Teddy screamed so much he couldn't breathe anymore and he passed out.

## Dear Missy,

Something is wrong. My head hurts so bad. It's so noisy in there. I can't sort anything out. Things aren't happening the way they're supposed to. The monsters weren't supposed to hurt Teddy. Teddy is a little boy. He should be playing with his friends and going to school and eating Cheerios. He should playing dinosaurs with Billy and he should always feel safe. No boy deserves to be hurt by the monsters. Why didn't anyone help him? He cried and screamed and no one would listen to him. It's not right.

This has nothing to do with you, Missy. I don't know why I'm telling you. You don't even know Teddy. I just wish I could help him, but it's too late. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you with this. Give Mom my love.

Love,

Ken

# Fallout, 3

Chuck was working his way through a small middle-class community. Daylight had broken and he was getting tired. The rest of the night had gone relatively well, with only a few small issues. He was still thinking about the people at the retirement community. He felt horrible about tranquilizing all of them. They didn't deserve that kind of treatment, but order had to be kept. Even if the system wasn't perfect, it was the only system they had. Chuck forced himself to accept that rationale in order to get through the shift.

He got to the home of Timothy Melville. He tried going in, but the front door was locked. He rang the doorbell but got no response. He banged on the door a few times and said, "Mr. Melville, it's Moving Day!" There was still no response. Chuck turned to his ARO. "How old is this guy?"

The ARO checked the chart. "Twenty-eight years old, sir."

"Last known health status?"

"Perfectly healthy. He had a physical last month. He's in great shape."

Chuck was confused. "Then why isn't he coming to the door? Did he answer when we called him today?"

The ARO replied, "Yes. He received and acknowledged the call."

"Something's not right here." Chuck went back to the door and banged on it again. "Mr. Melville!" He heard nothing. He turned to his ARO again and said, "Tell the Enforcers to check the house for open windows or doors."

"Yes, sir." The ARO delivered the message to the Enforcement Officers. They quickly came back, having found nothing open.

"I'm kicking the door in," Chuck said. He kicked the door a few times, but it didn't break open. "What the hell?" He tried kicking it again but it still wouldn't break.

From inside a voice called, "That door is steel reinforced and has three deadbolts on it."

Chuck looked surprised. "Mr. Melville?"

"I'm not coming out," he answered.

"Why not?"

"That's a really stupid question."

"Mr. Melville, I have authorization to break in."

"You won't get in," he said. "The back door is just like the front door and the windows are security sealed. You'd need a wrecking crew to get in here. Just go away and leave me alone."

Chuck was getting frustrated. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Timothy asked.

"You know why. We have to move you."

"Where am I supposed to move to?"

Chuck turned to his ARO and said, "Where's he going?"

"County Twelve, sir."

Chuck sighed. "Shit."

"Well?" Timothy called out.

Check answered him, "County Twelve."

"That's exactly why I'm not going. That place is a pit."

"It's only for six months."

"I don't care. I'm staying here."

Chuck walked away from the door and to one of the Enforcers. "Take the door frame down and cut the deadbolts. We have to get in there."

"Yes, sir," the Enforcer replied.

Chucked watched as the Enforcement Officers dismantled the front of Timothy Melville's house. He hated using those methods to force people to move.

When the deadbolts were cut off and the door was free, Chuck heard Timothy shouting. "What the hell are you doing?"

"We got the door open, Mr. Melville," Chuck responded. "I'm coming in." He pushed the door open and walked into the front hall of the house.

Timothy yelled, "Get out!"

"I'm not going anywhere Mr. Melville, you have to—" Chuck had gotten to the end of the hall. Timothy was in the adjoining living room and had a pistol aimed at Chuck's head. He put his hands up and said, "I wasn't going to hurt you, Timothy."

"It's Timothy now? What happened to Mr. Melville?"

"Put the gun down."

The ARO yelled, "He's got a gun!" Enforcement Officers headed for the door.

Timothy shouted, "You come in here and I will shoot him!"

The Enforcers backed away from the house.

"Where did you get that gun?"

"Shut up." Timothy pointed to a couch in the living room. "Sit down."

"You're not allowed to have that gun." Chuck said. "Where did you get it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does. It's illegal."

"You don't know how to shut up, do you?"

Chuck sat down on the couch. "What do you think is going to happen here?"

"They're going to leave. They're going to leave me alone!"

"That's not going to happen, Timothy. If you shoot me, they'll just come in and take you anyway." Chuck was nervous.

Timothy was pacing around the room. "Why do you keep moving everyone? It's not like it helps."

"It does help," Chuck replied.

"How is going to County Twelve going to help me?"

"It will help someone else. In six months you'll be moved out."

Timothy was angry and hysterical. "That's six months! I'll get sick!"

"But someone else will get out of there."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?"

"It should."

Timothy stopped pacing. "I bet you've got it pretty good. You work for them."

"They don't move me to places like County Twelve, if that's what you mean."

"What makes you better than me?"

Chuck felt guilty. "Nothing. I do the job that nobody wants to do. They need me healthy because I help keep order."

"Maybe they should start putting you people in County Twelve so you know what it's like for us."

Chuck didn't respond.

"Now you have nothing to say?" Timothy pointed the gun at him again.

Chuck flinched. "Are you going to shoot me or not?"

"What?" Timothy looked confused. "Why would say something so stupid?"

"Because one way or another the Enforcement Officers are going to come in. If you're going to shoot me I might as well call them in here now. There's a lot of work to get done tonight."

"No, no." Timothy said. "You're not gonna trick me like that. I'm not an idiot. As long I have you, they won't come in here."

"That's not true."

"Shut up!"

"My life is not as important to them as Relocation."

"Shut up!"

"It's the truth!"

"You're lying!" Timothy fired the gun and the bullet missed Chuck's head by a few inches.

"Chuck!" the ARO yelled.

"I'm fine!" he called back.

Timothy was staring at Chuck. "I won't miss again."

After a few seconds of silence, Chuck said, "You're right, you know."

"About what?"

"Relocation doesn't help."

Timothy shook his head. "Now you're just screwing with me."

"A kid died from the sickness yesterday. I saw three more who were permanently scarred." Chuck was tearful. "There has to be a better way than this."

Timothy sat in a chair across from the couch. "Kids?"

"Yeah."

He set the gun on a table next to him. "This is just crazy. How'd we even get like this?"

"I don't know. Our greed? Our anger?"

"It's not right." Timothy buried his head in his hands. "It's just not right."

Chuck thought about running while Timothy had his head down, but he raised it back up before he got the chance. "It's got to be tough having to see that every day."

"You have no idea." Chuck took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about quitting."

"Really?" Timothy looked surprised.

Chuck nodded his head.

"Then you'd be just like me. Moving to the pits."

Chuck nodded his head again. "I know."

"You'd really do that?"

Chuck hesitated, but said, "If my quitting can be a statement to make them change, then yes. It would be worth it."

Timothy picked up the gun again. He said, "You look like you need a drink."

"I could use one."

Timothy got up and went to the fridge in the kitchen behind him. He opened the door and bent down to get the drinks.

Chuck saw it as an opportunity to run. He got up and slowly moved to the doorway. He ran out of the room and down the hallway.

"Hey!" Timothy screamed. "Get back here!" He ran after Chuck only to run into a barrage of tranquilizer darts.

"Are you all right?" the ARO asked Chuck.

"I'm fine."

The Medical Officers went in to check on Timothy. They put him on a stretcher and wheeled him out.

As he passed Chuck, he said, "I thought you wanted to be like me."

Chuck was tearful again. "I'm sorry."

"You don't care about us." The Medics put Timothy in a Medical van and drove away.

Chuck walked away from the house and took a few deep breaths. He rubbed his face and wiped his tears away.

The ARO came over to him. "You did great in there, sir."

"Thanks," Chuck said sarcastically.

"He really believed you. I didn't know you were such a good actor."

Chuck looked at him. "I wasn't acting."

The ARO looked confused. "You're really thinking about leaving?"

Chuck didn't answer him. Instead, he said, "Do you have the chart?"

"Right here." He handed the chart to Chuck.

"Let's go." Chuck headed for the next house.

## Dear Missy,

What is wrong with me? Mom's dead. She died a long time ago. Why would I think she's in a retirement home? It has to be these headaches. They're clouding my mind and I don't know how to stop it.

Why haven't I heard from you, Missy? You haven't sent me a letter in a long time. Did I say something wrong? Was it bringing up Mom? I'm really sorry for that. Please forgive me and write me back. Your letters are all that keep me going since Theresa died. I never even got a letter from Dad...

Dad.

I don't know how much longer I can handle these headaches. Please write back.

Love,

Ken

# Stop

Caleb sat in his dimly lit bedroom, writing poem after poem about the abuse he took from his parents, the drugs being done in his brother's bedroom, and the girl he just lost to his junior high school football team's quarterback, while his sister was suffering from the abuse of a man whose mind perceived her as only a sex object and something he must use as best as he could. Caleb thought his sister was at her friend's house playing with Barbie dolls and baking with her Easy Bake oven; Caleb had given it to her for her birthday in hopes of getting little brownies and cakes whenever his sister felt playful. Caleb loved his sister more than anything; she alone showed him any love and affection and she was the only person who genuinely cared for him. Caleb wrote a poem about his last beating at the hands of his father as his sister was raped of her innocence and happiness, the man having shredded her sense of safety and peacefulness; her life was forever changed. Caleb would learn of his sister's experience days later, as it took him some time to locate her; their parents made no effort. Caleb was deeply saddened, severely angered, overwhelmingly mad, and riddled with guilt; he felt he had not done enough to protect his sister, as he could have checked on her at her friend's house. Caleb held his sister all night long; she did not stop crying, she couldn't speak, her hair was dirty and she clung to him incessantly. Caleb decided that someone needed to stop bad people; his parents needed to be stopped from abusing, his brother needed to be stopped from bringing drugs into their house, and the man who raped his sister needed to be stopped from living.

Marc opened his eyes to the sight of his white bedroom ceiling. His mind began to ponder why the color white seemed so plain and boring. He considered the possibility that, since writing paper was white, anything white appeared to be missing something. He briefly debated with himself over whether to paint the ceiling a new color or to paint a picture on it. He ultimately decided to do neither. He sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes. He stretched his arms out wide a let out a slow yawn. After relaxing his arms he stopped to wonder why people yawn after they've had a good sleep. People yawn when they're tired, yet when he awoke, he felt well rested. He thought that maybe yawning was his body's way of helping him wake up. That made sense to him. He stood up and walked to his bedroom door. While reaching for the doorknob, he couldn't resist wondering why doors were rectangular. They're made for people to walk through, but people aren't shaped like rectangles. It seemed so stupid to him. After staring at the door for several minutes, he realized that human-shaped doors would be harder to cut. He concluded that people who made doors were just lazy. He didn't ask himself any questions on his way down the hall or the stairs. Instead he thought about breakfast. He had his heart set on scrambled eggs, wheat toast, sausage links, and a big glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice. He walked through the living room and into the kitchen. There was a boy in the kitchen pointing a gun at him.

Caleb found his sister's jump rope that she got when she was three but never used, as she liked to ride her bike more than jump up and down; she liked the wind in her face. Caleb waited in his brother's room until he got home from buying drugs; he never did anything useful with his time and Caleb had to hide because his brother hated it when Caleb was in his room. Caleb's brother came into his room and sat down his bed, getting ready to do the drugs he brought home; their parents didn't care what he did. Caleb ran out of the closet he was hiding in and wrapped the jump rope around his brother's neck, pulling back and trying to stop him from breathing; if he couldn't breathe then he couldn't smoke. Caleb didn't know if he killed his brother when he stopped fighting the jump rope because he might have just passed out even though Caleb was choking him; Caleb didn't care, it would teach his brother to stop doing drugs in Caleb's house.

Marc wondered why there was a boy in his kitchen. The doors should all have been locked and a little boy had no business in his house. The boy may have come in through the window but those were locked, too. He knew the boy was small so maybe he crawled in through the dog door. That seemed right to him. He was confused as to why the boy had a gun. Boys have a lot of toys so it was probably a toy gun. It didn't look like a toy but little boys had no use for guns. The boy's dad was probably a hunter and the boy was learning how to hunt. That's the only reason he would have a gun. He didn't know why the boy was pointing it at him. He thought about it, but he couldn't think of a reason why the boy would want to point a gun at him. If he was learning how to hunt, maybe the boy thought he was a deer. That didn't make any sense.

Caleb picked up one of his brother's dumbbells, making sure he was strong enough to hold it and it was heavy enough for his parents; he wouldn't have the chance to choke both of them. Caleb left his brother's bedroom and snuck down the hall; he knew parents were sleeping since they had to go work the next morning and their money was the only thing they really cared about. Caleb quietly opened their bedroom door and snuck over and onto their bed; he would need to be in between them in order to hit both of them before they could stop him. Caleb looked at his father and felt only hate, as he did not see a family member that he loved; he only loved his sister because she was the only one that loved him. Caleb hit his father with the dumbbell over and over again and when his mother woke up he hit her even more; she was so mean to him when she beat him and made him feel horrible, unlike his father who just hit him. Caleb realized his mother wasn't moving after he had hit her over and over for a few minutes; he had to be sure she wouldn't wake up before he left. Caleb started to get off of the bed but he stopped when he heard his father moaning; Caleb must not have hit him enough times. Caleb went back and hit his father a few more times until he stopped moving because he couldn't be awake either, as he surely would've beat Caleb again for hitting his mother. Caleb got off the bed and looked at his parents in their bloody bed; they bled so much the sheet was almost completely red, which was good because now they would know they have to stop beating Caleb.

Marc really didn't know why the little boy was pointing a gun at him. The boy was yelling at him that he had to stop, but he wasn't doing anything. He just wanted to eat breakfast. He thought the boy wanted him to stop getting ready to eat but that didn't make sense. Then he thought the boy wanted him to stop walking through the house but that wasn't right, either. He didn't think the boy meant to stop breathing because everybody has to breathe. He would die if he didn't. That made him think the boy wanted him to stop living. That was stupid. Little boys don't want other people to stop living.

Caleb got his parents' gun from their closet after he moved a chair over to stand on; his parents thought a box at the top of the closet was a good place to hide their gun, but Caleb was smarter than them. Caleb walked down the road with the gun to his sister's abuser's house; she knew who had done those horrible things to her and she told Caleb it was the neighbor down the street. Caleb crawled into the man's house through the dog door and waited in his kitchen; Caleb knew the man would go to the kitchen because people ate breakfast in the morning. Caleb had to wait a long time but he didn't care; it didn't matter how long he had to wait to stop the man who raped his sister. Caleb finally saw the man come into the kitchen for breakfast, but he stopped walking when he saw Caleb; Caleb was pointing the gun at him and Caleb was going to stop him.

Marc started thinking about the little girl he had the night before. He missed her and wanted to see her again. She was so sweet and innocent and he loved her so much for it. A little boy was pointing a gun at him and he didn't want to die before he saw the girl again. He remembered the girl said she had a brother who loved her more than anything in the world. He had hit her to shut up. He didn't want to hear about other people when he was with her. He thought that maybe the boy was the girl's brother. That thought made more sense than anything else that morning.

Caleb held his sister tight while she cried for her dead parents and brother; she had discovered their bodies while Caleb was gone. Caleb felt terrible for letting his sister find them like that because he knew it would hurt her a lot; he meant to get home before she woke up. Caleb hugged her and kissed her and told her that he loved her and that everything would be okay; Caleb had made all the bad people stop.

## Dear Missy,

I still haven't heard from you. I hope nothing happened to you. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I've already lost too much. The headaches won't stop. I wanted to go to the market to get some medicine but I couldn't find it. The market wasn't there. It was just there the other day, but now there's an empty lot. They couldn't tear down a whole market that fast, could they? The headaches are making it hard for me to concentrate. Writing doesn't help with them anymore. I have to fight through them to get the words down on paper.

I don't want anyone to die. People just keep dying in my head and in the stories. No one ever died in my stories before. Did I tell you Chuck almost died? A crazy man held him hostage with a gun and he almost shot Chuck in the head. I was really scared for him.

Missy I don't know why you won't write me back. If something happened to you, you need to tell me. James needs to tell me. Someone needs to. I need to know. I can't keep living up here if I don't know what happened to you. You've been the one solid thing my entire life. Please don't leave me now.

Love,

Ken

# Fire, 2

We drove to a supermarket to get food for the rest of the weekend. On the ride, Jake and Cady kept mumbling about ice cream. They were doing it for attention and they got it. Anna was laughing like it was funny.

We got to the market in a few minutes. Knowing how kids are when they go shopping, I feared for the worst. Unfortunately, my fears were justified. We hadn't been in the store for two minutes before Jake and Cady started messing up the shelves. They were pulling items off and begging for them, even if they didn't like them. Alisa had to keep taking things away from them and returning them to the shelves. Anna and Gary weren't paying any attention to them. They were getting what they needed and were doing it slowly. Alisa was getting really frustrated with the kids. After dealing with them through a couple aisles, she gave up. She told me she wanted to look for stuff we could eat, so we left her family to search the other aisles.

She started complaining about how much she hated her brother and sister. I could definitely relate. I didn't have to live with them and I still felt hatred for them. I told her that I didn't think it was completely their fault. Their parents were mainly to blame. She agreed but said she still hated them. We picked up some Hamburger Helper, macaroni and cheese, pickles, and applesauce. We headed to the soda aisle to get orange soda and root beer (I already had Mountain Dew at the cabin). I set the bottles in the cart and looked up at Alisa. She was crying. I asked her why she was crying and she hugged me. She thanked me for being patient and told me she loved me more than anything. I told her that I loved her, too. She apologized again and I told her not to be sorry. I told her, again, it was only three days.

Alisa's family came down the aisle we were in and Anna was angry. She started complaining, saying that the store's manager told them to check out and leave immediately because Jake and Cady were causing problems with other customers. She said it sarcastically as if it was unwarranted. She called the manager an ass and said that he had no reason to talk to them like that. Alisa told her to shut up. She told Anna that the manager was right to do what he did. Anna started yelling at Alisa, saying the same thing about respect that she said in the restaurant. Surprisingly, Gary stepped in. He told them to stop fighting before the manager called the police on them. It wasn't the intervention I had hoped for, but at least it shut Anna up.

We checked out and left. The car ride back to the cabin was relatively quiet. Jake and Cady played the license plate game for a while before their meal set in and they fell asleep. When we got back I helped Alisa's parents with the groceries while Alisa got Jake and Cady into bed for a nap. After everything was put away Anna and Gary went for a walk. Alisa and I lay down on the couch. We had only intended to rest but we ended up falling asleep.

The dream about Alisa and her friend came back to me. It was cut short again but this time by Anna. She was yelling at Alisa who was not lying with me anymore. I had slept until dinnertime and Anna was yelling at Alisa because she didn't help make dinner. Alisa explained that she was sleeping and didn't even know Anna was cooking, but Anna didn't care. She called Alisa lazy. Alisa gave up on the argument and came back to sit with me. I was not looking forward to dinner.

Anna cooked steak, mashed potatoes, beans, and mixed vegetables. I didn't like beans so I only put steak, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables on my plate. That was a mistake. Anna asked me why I didn't take any beans and I told her I didn't like them. She turned to Alisa and asked her why she didn't tell her I didn't eat beans and that she could've made something else instead. I told her it was fine and she said it wasn't, that Alisa should've told her. Alisa started arguing and they were yelling at each other. My head was spinning and it hurt.

I lost it. I screamed at Anna to shut up. Everyone looked at me in shock. I told her to leave Alisa alone and that everything she blamed Alisa for was her fault, not Alisa's. I called her a bipolar bitch and said that she had no clue how to raise children and that she raised Jake and Cady to be terrors. I told Gary he was an idiot for being with her and an asshole for never defending Alisa. I told them that I wished I could take Alisa away from them but that she was too stubborn to leave a family that didn't deserve her in the first place. All that came out before I even realized I was yelling. They were all staring at me in complete disbelief.

I took my plate, fork, and knife and locked myself in the bedroom. Astonishingly, no one came after me. I heard no screaming. I ate my food and sat quietly on the bed, waiting for something to happen. Alisa knocked on the door and asked to come in. I let her in and she locked the door behind her. She pushed me back on the bed and got on top of me. I was extremely confused. She told me that her parents were silent as they finished their food. They put Jake and Cady to bed and went into their bedroom. She said she was angry with me at first for yelling at her parents but when they didn't say anything, she was happy I did it. My assertiveness turned her on. She started kissing me and we ended up having sex before we fell asleep. I was still confused.

I didn't dream. I woke up feeling really warm. I got out of bed and went to get a drink. When I opened the bedroom door, I saw smoke. The loft above the dining room was on fire. I ran back into the bedroom and told Alisa the cabin was on fire. I told her to get Jake and Cady out and that I would get Gary. She ran to the kids' bedroom and I ran to Gary and Anna's. Gary was still sleeping but Anna wasn't there. I shook Gary and yelled at him to wake up. I told him the cabin was on fire. He asked about Anna and I said she was already gone. He ran out of the room and behind Alisa, Jake, and Cady out of the cabin.

I was headed for the door when I noticed Anna standing up in the loft facing the window. She was surrounded by flames and blood was dripping from her wrists. I called out to her but she didn't respond. I ran up the wooden stairs to the loft but could only make it halfway because of the fire. I called to her again and she looked at me. Her expression was cold and her eyes were glazed over. I told her to get out of the fire and come with me. She didn't move. She told me everyone could be happy now. She turned back to the window and her clothes caught on fire. I ran down the stairs and out of the cabin. They were asking me what happened to Anna. I couldn't tell them. I couldn't say anything. That was the last time I saw Alisa.

## Dear Missy,

What was it like for you when Mom died? You were old enough to remember her well. I remember being sad and that I cried, but I didn't really understand what had happened. I just knew Mom wasn't there anymore.

When I lost Theresa I lost part of myself. To see her lying there dead... Her blood should have been warm. It was cold. Her blood was as cold as ice. Does that mean her heart was cold? I didn't know what to do with all the blood. It was everywhere. I made her look respectable for when the police came. I never got to answer the question she asked me before she died. She wanted to know why I never introduced her to Dad. He didn't deserve to know her. He didn't deserve to know anyone.

I don't deal too well with loss. I think growing up without Mom affected me more than I thought. Growing up with Dad I had a lot of emotions inside that I never let out. He always made me feel guilty for anything bad that happened. No matter what he did, he made me feel like it was my fault. It probably did some damage letting all of that build up but I think I handled it well. The violent urges never lasted that long and I kept them under control.

My headaches started when Theresa died. I didn't realize that until just now. I should probably see a doctor about it. I asked a police officer in town to see if you were okay. He said he would contact the police in your area. I'm probably overreacting. I bet they just made a mistake at the post office. I'll check there tomorrow. Write back soon.

Love,

Ken

# Fallout, 4

Chuck walked into the house and shouted, "Moving time!" He checked his chart and saw that it was the home of Felix Robinson. "Mr. Robinson," Chuck yelled again, "it's time to move!" Felix did not respond. Chuck started looking for him, and found him lying in his bed with a small bottle in his hand, watching a black-and-white movie.

Felix was an old friend of Chuck's. They had worked together at the Relocation Office when Chuck was in his early twenties. Lying in his bed, Felix was middle-aged, and he had long since left the Relocation Office. Upon Chuck's entry into his room, Felix said, "You know, Chuck?"

"What, Felix?" Chuck responded sarcastically.

After swallowing some of the salt-like contents of the bottle, Felix said, "I've moved over thirty times since I left RO. Look at me." Chuck looked at Felix's red face and blotchy chest. "I'm tired, Chuck. I'm sick and I'm tired. I don't want to move anymore."

"Felix," Chuck started, "you know what will happen if you don't."

Felix replied, "I know, Chuck. I'll refuse, you'll insist. When I refuse again, you'll plead with me. Then you'll use force. If I fight back, the Enforcers come in and shoot me with their tranquilizers."

Chuck remained silent.

"Things haven't changed much, have they, Chuck?"

"You have to move, Felix," Chuck said to his friend. Of all the people he moved, Felix was the last one Chuck wanted to see tranquilized.

"I won't, Chuck. I can't. Please, leave now. Let me watch my movie." Felix turned to face the television, pouring more salt into his mouth.

"Felix," Chuck said, "you know how important it is to keep order."

He swallowed then replied, "What is order, Chuck? Shuffling people from home to home every six months against their will? Ruining people's lives on a biannual basis?"

"We have to do this, Felix. You know that better than anyone."

"There could've been a better way," Felix argued. "It's too late now, but there could've been a better way."

Chuck hesitated. Felix was right, but Chuck wasn't ready for another fight. "It's all for the best, Felix."

Felix said dryly, "If that's what helps you sleep at night, keep believing it."

After a few seconds of silence, Chuck said, "We need to move you, Felix."

"Have you ever seen this movie?" Felix asked Chuck. He looked at the screen, but Chuck did not recognize the movie.

Chuck simply said, "No."

"A knight plays Chess with Death and loses. It doesn't end that way, but I like to think that checkmate was the true ending. That's how life is, Chuck. We're all playing one big Chess game with Death. I've been playing without my queen, and Death will surely win." He looked at the bottle and shook the salt around.

"Felix," Chuck said, "stop talking like that. You have plenty of your life left." Chuck was becoming curious about the salty substance Felix was eating.

"Do I?" he replied. "My life was with Cari. I went to work and came home to her love. That was life for me, Chuck."

"Cari wouldn't want you to give up on life, Felix."

Felix became angry but remained in his bed, "How the hell do you know what Cari wants? You never knew her, Chuck. Don't pretend that you did."

"I knew you, Felix, and if she was anything like you, she would want you to keep moving and keep doing what you can to enjoy your life."

Felix calmed down, and said, "Enjoy my life, Chuck? I'm rotting away in this bed. How can I enjoy that?"

Chuck did not have an answer.

"What about your wife, Chuck?"

"What about Susie, Felix?"

"Is she still alive?" Felix asked.

"Very much so," Chuck replied.

"You're lucky, Chuck. Susie's beautiful. As much as I loved Cari, even she wasn't as beautiful as your Susie."

Chuck was getting impatient, "Felix, you need to stop this. Stop playing this game with me. I can't let you disrupt order."

"Chuck, just watch this," Felix said, pointing to the television screen.

Chuck looked over and saw the knight playing against Death.

Felix ate some more salt then said, "You just made a move, Chuck, but it wasn't a good one. You're trying to keep your pawns out front to protect your king and his family. You've already lost your knights, and your king is vulnerable. Even your wall of pawns can't stop Death. He'll break through, Chuck. Give him time."

Chuck decided to ask, "What was your wrong move, Felix?"

Felix did not answer for a few seconds. He set the bottle down on the table next to him. When he did reply, he said, "I didn't move my queen out of the way when I had the chance. Death took her."

"I'm sure Cari will forgive you, Felix."

"Will she?" he replied. "Would you? I wouldn't forgive myself."

"It wasn't your fault, Felix, you were doing your job."

Felix was getting emotional as he said, "And since when does a job come before love and family, Chuck? Is that how you run your life? Then I hope Susie gets out while she can."

Chuck said, "The job is the most important thing for them, Felix. It was for Cari and it is for Susie. We have to keep them safe." He wasn't sure he believed his own words.

"So much good it did for Cari," Felix said.

It was Chuck's turn to get angry, "Cari would've been fine, Felix. They messed up the scheduling for her."

"And I stood by them when they told her she would be moved as soon as possible," Felix shouted. "I should've told them to move her right away. I let her down, Chuck. Don't let Susie down. She's too beautiful to look like this."

Chuck's anger turned into sympathy and concern. He asked Felix, "Why didn't you accept treatment?"

"It only has a forty percent success rate," Felix replied. "Besides, I didn't deserve it."

"You need to stop beating yourself up for it, Felix. It wasn't your fault."

"How, Chuck? I let her live there for another month. I let her stay in that nuclear pit. I let her spend thirty days in the most radioactive ground zero we had ever seen."

Chuck tried to explain, "You were following orders. If you hadn't listened to them, they would've tranquilized both of you. You would've been fired, and you would've been living in shitty houses for the rest of your lives. You did what you thought was best for Cari."

"Or did I do what was easiest for me?" Felix asked. "If I had refused, we would still be together. That would've been enough for us. We didn't need the big houses and all the money. We only needed each other. I failed her, Chuck." Felix picked the bottle back up and poured more salt into his mouth.

Chuck wanted to help his friend. He knew there was nothing he could do, but he decided to try anyway. "Success rates have improved, Felix. They're past fifty percent. Take the treatment. We'll move you to a Church Community. Cari can hear your prayers, Felix. She'll forgive you."

Felix was shaking his head. "You believe that bullshit, Chuck?"

"What bullshit?" Chuck asked.

"You believe in God and Heaven and angels?"

"Yes," Chuck said. "I always have."

Felix replied, "Wish I did."

"Come on, Felix," Chuck urged. "Let's move you, get you that treatment."

"I already told you, Chuck. I'm not going."

"Felix," Chuck said, "please. I don't want the Enforcers to come in."

"They won't," Felix stated.

Chuck asked, "Why not?"

"Did you ever find out why I was fired from my last job?"

"You mean the laboratory job?"

Felix nodded his head.

Chuck said, "You stole from them."

"They never told you," Felix said, "what I stole from them, did they?"

"No," Chuck said.

Felix held the bottle up and looked at it. He asked, "Do you know what this is, Chuck?"

"No," he replied again. He was anxious to find out.

Felix said, "I stole this bottle of pure potassium cyanide."

Chuck grew fearful. Felix had been swallowing the poison throughout the entire conversation. "That was almost ten years ago, Felix."

"I know," he replied. "I took it just in case I ever needed it."

In a panic, Chuck asked, "And you think you need it now?"

Felix could sense Chuck's panic. "Are you afraid of me, Chuck?"

"Felix," Chuck pleaded.

Felix chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna throw it at you or anything. I'm not a murderer. I didn't kill Cari on purpose."

"You didn't kill her at all, Felix."

He replied, "I might as well have."

"Felix," Chuck said, "Come on. Just move on."

"If you're right, I will," Felix said. "Where do you think I'll go, Chuck?"

"What do you mean?"

Felix explained, "Heaven or Hell? Suicide is a mortal sin, isn't it?"

Chuck was horrified. "Felix, stop this." The bottle was still half full.

"You could stop me, Chuck. Bring in the Enforcement Officers. Tranquilize me. Move me."

"I don't want to do that to you, Felix. You're my friend."

"You _were_ my friend," Felix said. "You haven't called me in years. Don't try to use our past friendship as an excuse for your cowardice."

Chuck stepped closer to the bed, pleading with Felix, "Don't do this. You still have the rest of your life to live."

"No, I don't, Chuck. That's where you're wrong. Protect your queen, old friend. This is checkmate for me." Felix poured all of the poison into his mouth and took a hard swallow.

"Felix!" Chuck screamed. Tears started pouring from his eyes. "No!" He got on the bed and started shaking Felix. "Felix, come back! Don't do this! Felix!" Chuck was hysterical. The Enforcement Officers rushed into the room. Chuck stumbled back off of Felix and the bed. One of the Enforcers called for the Medical Officers to come in. Chuck stared at Felix's body in horror as it started to convulse in violent seizures. He put his hands on his head and pulled at his hair, screaming for Felix to stop killing himself. Chuck collapsed to his knees and wept. The Medical Officers rushed Felix's body out of the room, and the Enforcement Officers left as well. They would remain outside the house until Chuck came out. Chuck, however, was left alone. The past few moments seemed non-existent as he saw the empty bed and the empty room.

As the movie rolled on in the background, Chuck heard, "Our crusade was so stupid that only an idealist could have thought it up."

Chuck stood up. He walked over to the television and shut it off. He stood there in silence for a moment, then turned and left the room. He walked out of Felix's house, joined his ARO, and started the next move.

## Dear Missy,

The man at the post office said all my letters made it out and the police officer said they couldn't find you. Missy, what happened? Where did you go? I need you. I can barely think with how bad my headache is.

Mom's gone, Theresa's gone, you're gone. Even Felix is gone now. He killed himself, Missy. Why would anyone do that? Why would he hurt Chuck like that? That's not what you did, is it? No, they would've found James or the girls. If I don't hear from you after this I'm going to have to come find you. I don't know if I'm ready to come home but I need to know that you're safe.

I hope you didn't go to Dad's. The girls shouldn't be there. He doesn't deserve to be anywhere near them. If you went there, please go home. I hope I hear from you soon.

Love,

Ken

# Monsters, 4

When Teddy woke up he saw hid dad standing over him. He was shaking Teddy and telling him to wake up. When Teddy did wake up, his dad hugged him tight. Teddy passed out again.

He woke up in a hospital bed. His mom was sitting right next to him and she hugged him when he woke up. She said "I love you" and he said "I love you too." Teddy asked where his dad was and his mom said he was on the phone with work.

A monster came in the room. Teddy was tired of fighting. Before the monster got to him, Teddy's mom got up and stood in front of it. She asked for a nurse. The monster left and a nurse came in. She asked Teddy how he was feeling and he said everything hurt. The nurse said they were going to help him feel better. She asked him if he wanted anything to eat and he asked for Cheerios. She said she would bring them to Teddy.

Later, the doctor Teddy met before came in the room and started asking him questions about the monsters. He couldn't answer them. She told Teddy that they knew who the monsters were now. Teddy was surprised. He asked her how. She told Teddy they knew that some men had hurt him. Teddy said they weren't men, they were monsters.

The doctor asked how long monsters had been hurting him. Since she already knew the monsters hurt him, he decided to answer her. Teddy told the doctor the monsters had been hurting him his whole life.

Teddy's mom started crying. Teddy was tired. He asked if he could go to sleep. Teddy's mom nodded her head. She kissed him and he went to sleep.

The next day police officers came to talk to Teddy. They asked him more questions about the monsters in the trees. Teddy didn't tell them much because he didn't know much. He told them there were a lot of monsters and that they hurt him for a long time.

The police officers asked Teddy about monsters that had hurt him before. Teddy couldn't remember a lot about them. He remembered the pain. After Teddy had told the police officers everything he knew and remembered, they asked Teddy's mom where his dad was. She said he was on the phone with work again.

Teddy's mom hugged him and kissed him again. Teddy asked when he could go home. His mom told him soon.

Teddy's dad wasn't in the car when his mom drove him home. He asked where his dad was and she said he had something to do at work. She told Teddy he would be home when they got there.

When he walked in the door, Teddy ran to his father and hugged him. Teddy asked his dad why he wasn't in the hospital with him. His dad apologized and said he had things to take care of with work. Teddy hugged him again.

Teddy's mom said that she had to go to work but she wanted to stay with Teddy. Teddy's dad told her not to worry, that he would take care of Teddy. She hugged Teddy and said "I love you." She went to work.

Teddy's dad made them lunch. They ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches together. Teddy's dad let him eat some extra peanut butter out of the jar. They sat in the living room to watch cartoons and Teddy's dad brought him milk and cookies. They watched a lot of cartoons. Teddy loved spending time with his dad. For a while he forgot about the monsters.

They went outside and played catch. Seeing the trees scared Teddy for a minute, but his dad being there made him feel safe. After playing catch they played on the swing set. Teddy's dad pushed him higher and higher. Teddy was having a lot of fun. As they were going back into the house, Teddy heard a noise from the tress. He got scared again, but his dad said it was probably an animal. That made Teddy feel better.

They watched more cartoons together and Teddy fell asleep with his dad on the couch. The doorbell ringing woke him up. Teddy's dad told him to go lay in his parents' bed so he could finish his nap. Teddy went into his parents' room and got in their bed. He pulled the blanket up over him and closed his eyes. He felt so safe in their bed with his dad taking care of him. He knew as long as he was with his dad the monsters couldn't get him.

Teddy cleared his mind and started to fall asleep. Then the bedroom door opened. Teddy thought it was his dad so he didn't look up.

Teddy thought he was having a nightmare because he heard the light monster say his name. He opened his eyes and it was standing next to the bed. Teddy was scared and confused. The monsters couldn't get him in his parents' bed. Teddy screamed for his dad to come in. He knew his dad would protect him. The monster wasn't doing anything but Teddy kept screaming.

Finally, Teddy's dad came in the room. He asked his dad to stop the monster. He told Teddy that the monster wasn't a monster, that it was his friend from work.

Then Teddy's dad turned into a monster.

## Dear Missy,

The headaches stopped. My head isn't jumbled anymore. My mind is finally clear. I've finished my stories and I think I'm ready to leave. I just wish Theresa were there for me to come home to. I should've saved her. She was dying in front of me and I just watched. I saw her bleed and choke and I did nothing. I don't remember what I did with the knife. Maybe I should try to find it.

I'm happy you're okay. Thank you for finally writing back to me. I was worried I might never hear from you again. The girls are finally starting kindergarten. They'll love going to school. Teddy just started going. He was scared at first because of the monsters but he ended up liking it. Why did his dad have to ruin everything? Teddy was such a happy boy when the monsters left him alone. He was never the same after his dad became a monster.

Was Dad ever a monster to you? No, he loved you too much. I don't know what I did to make him not love me anymore. My headache just came back. It's really bad. I feel dizzy.

Missy, I don't think I'll be able to come home. No matter what I do, the headaches come back. I've lost Mom, I've lost Theresa, and now I'm losing myself. I know how Felix felt. He lost his wife a long time ago and the world around him seemed so dark. Tell the girls I love them. Hug them and kiss them for me. Live your life with James and don't leave any regrets.

I should find out how Teddy is. He wasn't doing well the last time I checked. I think I remember what I did with that knife. I love you, Missy.

Love,

Ken

# Afterword from editor Bryan Batcher

I met Kenneth Rines shortly after I left high school. It was a chance meeting that changed my life. I was at my local Department of Motor Vehicles waiting to renew my driver's license in a room full of people. While I was waiting, a man sat down next to me with a clipboard. I assumed it was DMV paperwork but when I glanced at it (I'm kind of nosy), I saw the scribblings of a short story.

Without realizing, I started reading it quite rudely and quite noticeably. I'm an aspiring writer myself and had, in fact, written a short novel in high school that I still hope to edit and publish someday. So, I was intrigued to meet a fellow writer. I apologized for reading over his shoulder but he said he didn't mind. He handed me the clipboard and let me read what he had written so far. It was good. I asked his name but I had never heard of him. He told me he wrote for himself and hadn't published any of his work. This also intrigued me, as publishing is all I have ever been able to think of. I want people to read my work and feel the way I feel when I read Robert Cormier, Lois Lowry, and K. A. Applegate. Ken didn't care. He wrote because it made him feel good.

We traded email addresses and kept in touch. We shared our work with each other and I got some helpful criticism from him. I tried to get him to publish his stories because they were just so brilliant, but he always refused. I didn't understand it, but I respected it.

It was the mutual respect that we did have for each other that eventually turned into an intimate friendship. I confided in him for almost everything, whether it was my writing, school, work, or my personal life. His wife and my girlfriend would sometimes get jealous of how close we were. There were things I would share with Ken that I would never think of telling my girlfriend. Before this gets too "bro-mantic" (I really hope I used that neologism correctly), we were not lovers. We were just as close as best friends can be.

When Ken's wife Theresa died, things changed. He became distant and was reluctant to interact with anyone, including me. I was hurt, but I understood. He was going through an unimaginable tragedy. I didn't hear from him after he moved to the cabin. He emailed me to tell me he was going there and that was the last I heard from him.

About three months later I got a call from the police. They told me Ken had been found dead in his cabin. It was suicide. I couldn't believe it. Honestly, I still can't. Even as I type these words, I'm still waiting to get an email from him. I think I drove my wife insane with my grief. They let me go to the cabin to gather his things since I was the closest thing he had to family.

Confused? So was I. I found a pile of papers sitting on his desk. It was a collection of different stories and letters to his sister Missy. There were two problems with that: 1. The letters were never sent, and 2. Ken didn't have a sister named Missy. Ken didn't have any siblings. His mother died when he was young and he was raised by his father. I thought that maybe he just didn't tell me he had a sister, so I checked it out. She didn't exist.

When I took the time to read everything, I was even more confused. He had never said a single bad thing about his childhood. I don't know how many times I read those stories and letters. I was looking for something, anything really, to help me figure out what had happened to him.

I made some calls (a lot of calls, actually) to try to find information about Ken's childhood. There had been reports of abuse from his father but nothing was ever confirmed. His mother's death was shrouded in mystery. There was suspicion of homicide but no evidence.

That was when things started to make sense. Theresa's death was also mysterious. Ken swore it was suicide and I believed him. He was my best friend and I took his word for it. Now, after reading his stories and letters, I believe he killed her. He grew up without a mother and being abused by his father. There's no telling what his mental state was as an adult.

When Ken went to the cabin he created a new life for himself. I think Missy was supposed to replace his mother. He lost her when he was young and he had wanted her back ever since. James was the father he always wanted: a good man who cared about his family and treated them right. Belle and Tammi represented the childhood he wished he'd had.

The stories he wrote alongside those letters were all about him. Teddy was Ken as a child, Felix was Ken as an adult, and I think the death of Anna was how he saw the death of Theresa. He wrote himself into every aspect of his stories and wrote everyone else into letters.

I say all this like I'm writing a story. I guess it's because that's just how I write. I was horrified by these revelations. The man I called my best friend was suffering so badly inside and I never even knew it. I didn't want to believe it but the evidence was right there on paper.

Through all my grief and confusion I realized something else. Ken was a more brilliant writer than I ever knew. The stories he wrote at the cabin blew me away. He would hate me if he knew I was publishing them but the world needs to read his work. They need to know his story. It's a sad and tragic story, but it's too enticing and intriguing not to tell. I put the stories and letters in the order I think he wrote them. The pile on the desk was organized but there were other papers scattered throughout the cabin. I hope his work can inspire others as it has inspired me. At the same time, I hope it serves as a cautionary tale for people who are suffering inside. It's okay to ask for help.

After everything – after all the grieving, the confusion, the reading, the acceptance – even after preparing Ken's story for publishing, I was left with a nagging question: Where was I in all of this? No one was closer to Ken than I was, but I wasn't part of his ideal family. It wasn't until I proofread the book one last time that I figured it out. I wasn't in his ideal family because I was in the stories. In everything Ken wrote, I was right there with him. When he was trying to figure himself out by writing, I was part of that. I was part of him.

I was Billy: Teddy's friend who was there but had no idea what Teddy was going through. I was the bank customer's wife: his companion during a time when he needed one the most. I was the woman who forgot her purse in the church: Ken was always looking out for me. I was Cyril Myer: Ken knew I was always with him no matter where he was or what he was doing. I was Caleb's sister's friend: a safe place that was there but that was never fully reached. I was Alisa: devoted to him and reliant on him through everything.

Most importantly, I was Chuck. In "Fallout," Ken put me in the main role. He showed me on a quest to help people and in the end I tried, but failed, to help him. Chuck didn't know what Felix was going through just as I never knew what Ken was going through.

Kenneth Rines was my best friend. He was a brilliant and intelligent writer and my inspiration to keep writing. I hope his readers will appreciate his stories as I have and I hope his story will touch them in some way. I miss him more everyday and I would give anything to have him back in my life.

-Bryan Batcher
