#15.
I work at Walmart (Horrible job) as an Electronics
Sales Associate.
The other day this man walked in between the
ages of 65 to 70.
He proceeds to walk up to me and says he has
a few questions.
I tell him I will answer his questions to
the best of my ability.
He walks me over to the external hard drive
isle and asks me if he can "put pornography
on this device."
So instantly I'm like WTF!
I'm trying to contain myself from not laughing
because it's the strangest question a customer
has ever asked me.
So I act as professional as I can and proceed
to answer him telling him it was capable of
holding any files he pleases to put on it.
He then asks me if he can put about a thousand
hours of porn on one of them.
Again, I'm trying to not laugh.
I then told him his best bet would be a 2
TB external hard drive.
For the next half an hour he's still asking
me questions until he guides me over to the
laptop isle.
This is where I almost lose it.
He says he has about 1500 DVD's of porn that
he wishes to play on a netbook he wishes to
purchase.
I stood there for a few seconds asking myself
what could someone possibly be doing with
1500 DVD's of porn.
How does someone even have that much time
to download that many files of it?!?!
I start telling him that he would need an
external disc drive to play the DVD's on the
netbook since it doesn't contain an optical
drive.
He then thanks me for the help and walks away
and exits the store.
Here I am wondering if the guy was just screwing
with me or not.
Once the guy left I told one of my co-workers
wtf just happened and we both burst into laughter.
Got to love working at Walmart where the weirdest
people go.
#14 This was roughly August, 2007 before my
unfortunate anniversary and in the heat there
was a bit of a buzz in the air.
Probably just the store remodel team.
Suddenly and to my surprise, a rather rare
request came through.
"Which is your most expensive television?"
Uh.
I sell phones but... well, nobody's buying.
"Right this way ma'am."
So we chitchat for maybe 5 minutes and she
picks the 52 inch projection hi-def TV.
Even though it's merely a projection TV, this
is one heavy, unwieldy bitch.
I head to the back for a pallet jack and a
boxed TV.
I head to the register, begin to cash her
out and I ask "so is your vehicle large enough
to haul this?"
"Oh, I'm not taking it home.
We're gonna return this up front as soon as
we're done here."
Well... you're a bitch, aren't you?
I digress yet again.
Why, you ask, would someone go to Walmart,
buy the biggest TV and have the man willing
to help you load it take it only to the front
desk for return?
A manager happened by.
Turns out this woman had already revealed
her illicit plan.
She had two money orders made out to some
electric company and to a gas company that
she wanted to cash at service desk.
Due to money laundering concerns, Walmart
doesn't just hand over $1800 for money orders
written for bills.
She was attempting to "cash" these orders
by way of the Walmart rental agreement (what
our electronics manager called the return
policy).
So, managers stopped this potential fraud
in the act and denied the transfer.
She threatens to call the police because (I
want my money and you won't give me my money).
Managers say, just a moment and head for the
electronics phone.
Loss prevention shows up and she's slowly
and steadily ushered away, all the while shouting
"ah want mah munee, give me mah munee" (she's
pretty upset that her plan didn't work, also
has a sort of thug style accent which didn't
help her case any).
So probable money laundering attempt was thwarted
that day.
Police may have been involved but I was laughing
out sighs of relief that the tensest crap
I had dealt with was passed and I knew I had
that story to tell.
#13 Not my story but my favorite coworker
of all time:
Jason told me that one time he was helping
a customer take a Television (CRT-type) out
to her vehicle.
He and another employee had put the TV in
and pushed it up as far as it would go.
The customer reached up and tried to shut
to hatch.
It bounced and started to open again.
The customer reached up and tried again.
By this time the customer's husband was at
the vehicle and suggested that maybe she try
moving the TV before trying to shut the hatch
again.
Rather than heed this advice, the woman gave
the hatch a mighty heave and the rear window
exploded into innumerable pieces.
The man looked at it and said: "Well, It's
in there now..."
My friend covered his mouth and booked toward
the store.
He said he had never laughed so hard about
someone else's misfortune/ignorance in his
life.
#12 I was bagging groceries last night when
a lady came through with a baby in a car seat
in the basket of her cart.
She had a LOT of groceries that I'm assuming
she'd had under and around the car seat, so
when I bagged them I was putting them back
under and around the car seat.
I wasn't sure where else to put them if not
there, right?
It's not like I could put them on top of the
baby, right?
Well.
As I'm placing stuff carefully under Baby,
Baby's mom says "oh hon, you can just put
some of this stuff on top of him" and pats
the canopy.
The phrase "but ma'am that's a baby" almost
escapes me but I choke it down, nod, and continue
putting stuff under the baby, under the cart,
in the seat of the cart, etc.
At this point the cashier (my favorite cashier)
is trying and failing not to laugh at both
the absurdity of me being told to put groceries
on a baby, and my increasingly desperate attempts
at finding places for the bags.
I got all but a bag of chips squared away,
and there was just no more room, so as they
walked away I set the bag of chips on top
of the car seat, turned back to the cashier
and whispered in horror "I put the chips on
the baby."
Which I believe is the most absurd thing I've
said on the job so far.
#11 I work at a big box retailer in the US.
One that is really flexible with its policies
on such things as hair color and tattoos.
Which is great since I've got some decently
sized tattoos on my arms.
Now, keep in mind that I live in northeast
Florida, which is very stereotypically southern
in attitude.
So, to live in this sort of area and to be
female with a few tattoos is open season for
snide remarks.
Which tends to get a 'whatever, you do you'
sort of reaction from myself.
But, it gets better, I have bright purple
hair.
I love it and all of my coworkers love it,
which is great.
I tend to get a few compliments from sweet
older ladies, which I find adorable.
But not this guy.
He comes through my line and throws his things
up onto my belt without a second look, as
he's engrossed in his cell phone.
I chirp at him some greeting with my best
retail voice and he finally looks up from
his phone.
He gives me a quick look over and gives me
a glare.
Guy: So, I can only assume you're on meth.
I laugh, as I'm totally floored by this accusation
and I can't believe what I'm hearing.
I finish picking my jaw up off of the floor
and shake my head.
Me: Uh, not at all.
Why would you even ask that?
Guy: People who aren't on drugs don't have
that hair color for one, and secondly only
people who are on drugs have such visible
tattoos.
I mean, really, how did you even get a job
here, don't they drug test here?
Me: I've never touched a hard drug once in
my life.
Guy: I don't believe it for a second.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Coming around here looking like that.
Why don't you go back to where you came from
and take your druggie friends with you?
Now, I've lived here all of my life and there
is a bit of a drug problem and a large transient
population.
It's always been that way and it's not likely
to change anytime soon.
Me: Sir, like I've said, I've never used any
sort of drugs like that.
Your total comes up to [such and such number].
Guy: I'm going to be using my card since I
don't trust giving you any money.
See, I know about you people on meth.
Blue meth is like the best meth, right?
I know about it, I saw it on tv.
Did he just talk about Breaking Bad as if
it was a documentary?
I'm now laughing on the inside because he's
got to be screwing with me, right?
He slides his card through the reader and
shakes his head again.
Guy: Well, now that I know that [retailer]
doesn't drug test, I'm never coming here again.
Who knows what could be in the things here.
I'm going to be calling corporate about this
store.
This store has gone down hill so fast.
I hand him his receipt and his items and he
practically runs out of the store.
I turn to the lady behind him and shrug at
her, completely dumbfounded.
She looks at me, then to my hair then to the
back of Guy, who still isn't out of the store
yet.
She shakes her head, laughs and says something
about if you can't say something nice.
After I tell my supervisor about the whole
incident afterwards, she laughs it off and
says if she happens to hear anything from
corporate, she'll be the first to let me know.
In the meantime my coworkers have been dropping
Breaking Bad references for the past two weeks.0
#10 We have three sets of self checkouts at
our store; the slow, the busy, and the dead.
I was supervising the busy set (and they were
busy that night) when a guy wheeled up a massive
cart full of groceries.
I took a second to greet him and scan his
case of water and bag of dog food so he wouldn't
have to lift them, then went back to driving
myself crazy trying to babysit six machines.
The guy was there for maybe 5-10 minutes scanning
and bagging, and a couple of times I helped
him by having him put some of the bagged groceries
in the cart and clearing the weight difference
when he ran out of room in the bagging area.
When he finally finished scanning and paying
he looked at me and scowled.
Customer: Thanks so much for all your help
Me: ....
Customer: *walks away, muttering* Just standing
there while I do all the work...
Like... my dude...
Did you see me running from customer to customer
trying to help 6 people at once?
I'm running 6 registers right now, I don't
have time to hold your hand like in a regular
checkout lane.
If you want someone to hold your hand there's
a checkout lane 5 feet to the left of here
where we will literally do everything for
you.
Someone will even unload your cart onto the
belt and take it to your car for you...
You came to self checkout...
#9 I'm a third shift cashier at a large chain
big box store in a rural area.
Not long ago, we had a rash of counterfeit
money come through our area.
Our own store had at least two counterfeit
bills slip past cashiers, and one even got
past our accounting office to make it back
into the next day's new register bags that
we use to set up our drawers.
We've been getting hit with small bills, including
counterfeit $10s and $5s.
Although the plague of counterfeits seems
to have passed now, I have always checked
every bill bigger than a $1 that is handed
to me.
As I've caught one bill that was resistant
to the checking markers, I hold the bills
up towards the light as I count them, eyeballing
them, as my eye is much better (and faster)
at catching fakes than the markers.
I've gotten so I can usually do this very
quickly.
A few weeks ago, I had a particularly grouchy
customer.
We'll call her Grouchy Woman, or GW.
GW wasn't overtly hostile.
She was quiet, passive, and gave off a 'vibe'
of being thoroughly displeased at having to
be at our store or put up with us lowly retail
employees.
She expressed passive irritation at the way
I did things by scowling or by how she grabbed
her bags.
But she didn't say anything while I was checking
her merchandise, so I ignored her huffs.
Finally, it came time to tender the transaction.
She paid with a card.
No problem.
She selected cash back.
Still no problem.
Me: Would you like that back in $20's, or
broken up?
GW (finally speaking): Just $20's.
I count out her money and hand it to her,
thinking she would be on her way.
Instead she holds it up to the light, as I
often do, looking at the bills closely.
I don't mind this in the slightest, as counterfeits
have gotten past our cashiers before and I
wouldn't blame customers for being cautious.
When I receive money back as a customer, I
will always double count it and check it.
GW: You always do this when I give you money,
so now I'm doing it.
I smile politely at her.
Me: Well, I don't blame you.
We have had several counterfeits come through
recently, and you can never be...
She cuts me off.
GW (awkwardly, with a shakey voice): None
of the other cashiers do it.
I should call corporate on you.
Then she quickly grabs her cart and goes.
It takes me a few minutes to process what
she said, as it was completely out of the
blue.
As it dawns on me just what she was had threatened
to do, I have to stifle a laugh.
I wanted to say, "Yes, please call corporate
and tell them that I'm the only cashier doing
my job and protecting their assets, right
after we got hit with a wave of counterfeits.
I would love you to do that."
But she was already gone.
#8 I was a cashier at a well known grocery
franchise.
It was kind of a slow day, which was rare
at this particular store.
I rang up this older lady (she'll be lady
A) who had maybe 4-5 small items, finished
her transaction and handed her her change.
She moved to the end of my register to put
her change away and look for her car keys.
No big deal.
The next women had 13 items, all which were
bags of chips and some soda.
I quickly rang her up, handed her her receipt
and sent her on her way, happy there was no
line behind her for a minute.
Lady A, who was still standing at the end
of my register comes up to me and says:
Lady A: Excuse me, but that women who you
just rang up had 13 items.
This is a 12 items or less line!
Me: Okay, it isn't a big deal.
There is no line and she's taken care of.
Lady A: I don't believe you understand, this
is a 12 ITEMS OR LESS LINE.
And that women had 13 items!
You're both wrong!
Me: I'm sorry?
I didn't keep you or anyone else waiting,
your transaction was complete, so I don't
see the big deal.
Lady A: (who is now very angry at me) Well
you're wrong!
I'm going to the customer service desk about
this!
and she stormed off, complained that I took
someone with 13 times (after her transaction
was over might I add) on the 12 items or less
line, suggested I be suspended for not following
rules, gave me a dirty look, and left.
Both my manager and I laughed.
I love retail customers!!
#7 A few months ago when I worked as a cashier,
a woman placed 2 large pots on the conveyor
belt and told me to check the price of each
pot.
So, I checked the first pot and it comes up
12 dollars.
I checked the next pot and it comes up 18
dollars.
Then, in the rudest voice imaginable, she
said:
"Why is that 18 dollars?
That shouldn't be 18 dollars if the other
pot is 12 dollars.
That's ridiculous, I'm not paying that.
They're literally the same item.
No, change it, I'm not paying 18 dollars for
the same item."
I didn't interject during her little outburst,
I just let her keep talking.
When she finished, I took a look at the pots.
The 18 dollar one was noticeably larger than
the cheaper one and was gris rather than black
like the other.
Also, when I read the tags for them I noticed
that they weren't even made by the same company.
So, I began attempting to explain this to
her:
Me: "Ma'am, these two items are not the same.
The more expensive one is larger and if you
look at the tags here -"
Her: "Why are you showing me the tags?
I'm a teacher, I can read, honey."
Me: "Because they're not the same item.
Look at the tags, they're not even made by
the same company."
Her: "But they're clearly the same item, it
doesn't matter what the tags say."
Me: "Then why do you think they came up as
two different items with two different prices
when I scanned them?"
Her: "It's obviously a mistake.
Send for the manager because I'm not paying
18 dollars, I     the price be changed
to 12 dollars."
Me: "No, I'm not calling anyone for this.
Either buy something or step aside so that
the next person in line can be serviced."
At this point she simply refused to move from
the register, blocking the next person in
line from coming up.
This, of course, left me with no choice but
to do what she wanted and call for the assistant
manager.
When he arrives, I start explaining the situation
to him, but while I'm talking she interrupts
me again and orders him to change the price,
saying:
"Those are the same items, they should both
be 12 dollars, change the price.
"
Then the assistant manager scans the items
in, changes the price of the 18 dollar one
to 12 dollars, gives her the pots and tells
her to have a nice day.
The exchange that followed between me and
the next person in line summed the situation
up perfectly:
Him: "So, if I just throw a tantrum I can
get whatever I want in this place?"
Me: "Evidently."
#6 Yesterday I had the most confusing experience
of my retail life so far.
I still haven't figured out what the hell
happened.
I work in a grocery store, and I'd just about
finished serving this woman, with another
customer behind her in line with all her stuff
on the conveyor belt, when this man just walked
up and stood with my customer by the register.
He waited until I finished up bagging the
last of her stuff and then held his card out.
Me: Before I put through your payment, do
you have a rewards card?
Man: My wife has it
I turn to the woman and she passes me over
her rewards card.
As I'm scanning it, I hear her say "Oh, I
didn't know you could do two at once".
I don't understand what she means, and I'm
assume she's just talking to her husband.
Me: Any cash out?
Man: $200 please
I add the cash out to the grocery total.
Me: Ready when you are.
The man swipes his card, pays, and I hand
him over the cash.
The minute he takes it, he turns around and
walks out of the store.
I turn around back to the lady, only to notice
she has a handful of cash.
Me: You're all done!
Woman: But I haven't paid yet
Me: Oh, your husband just paid.
Woman: I...
I've never seen that man before in my life.
That's why I said "i didn't realize you could
do two at once" - I thought you were running
both our transactions at the same time.
What.
Oh my god.
THAT MAN JUST PAID $180 FOR HER SHOPPING ON
TOP OF THE $200 CASH OUT HE GOT.
I turn around, searching desperately for him,
but he's long gone.
The woman had no clue what to do, I had no
clue what to do - I called my supervisor and
she had no clue what to do and called the
manager.
THE MANAGER HAD NO CLUE WHAT TO DO - THERE
IS NO PROTOCOL FOR THIS.
In the end they took the woman over to another
register and rescanned all her groceries so
she could a) pay for them, and b) so we'd
know how much they were as the man walked
off with the receipt and we would need to
know how much to refund him if he came back.
Thankfully, the woman was completely understanding,
more amused and baffled than anything else.
I still have no clue what happened with the
man.
If he had Alzheimer or something, or if he
just thought he was cutting in line to withdraw
money (in which case, he kind of deserved
this really.)
But I hope to god i'm not in the store when
he comes back, because I'm kind of terrified
of his reaction when he figures out what happened.
#5 Once upon a time many years ago I work
at a big box store.
I was a cashier and dealt with all sorts of
nonsense but this is my favorite customer
interaction.
A dad and his son (about 4ish) comes trough
my line holding a Woody (toy story) doll.
Me: Hey gentlemen, how are you?
That's an awesome Woody you have there!
Dad: we are great thanks.
We are just here to do the binky trade in
(he winks at me with a "please play along"
look)
Me: that's so exciting!
It's been a while since I've done one, can
you remind me?
Boy: when you're don't with binkies you trade
them for a big boy toy!
(As he says this he proudly gestures with
a plastic baggie of pacifiers)
Me: Wow!
You're big enough to trade them in already?
This is a really great big boy toy to trade
for!
Can I see both of those so I can do the trade
in the computer?
(I grab the doll and the baggies scanning
both and hand the doll back to the little
boy.)
Dad: ok buddy I just have to slide my card
so they know I think you're a big enough boy
to do the trade.
Boy: I'm gonna miss my binkie but I have to
be a big boy now.
(He looks at the baggies but hugs his doll
closer.
His dad quickly pays and whispers that I can
toss the baggie as soon as they're gone.)
Me: you are a big boy, thank you for doing
the switch with me today!
Enjoy your new toy!
Boy and Dad: Thank you!
It was a magical experience to watch that
little boy "grow up" in such a quick exchange.
You could see him walking out with such self
importance and pride as they left.
I thought it was a sweet moment to be a part
of.
#4 ~2007 when I worked as a General Merch/Electronics/Mobile
Phone monkey I didn't sell many mobile devices.
I sold TVs though.
Lots of them.
We had some funny moments revolving around
what fits into what vehicle and what doesn't.
This was before LCD TVs were the only thing
you buy from (place I worked which I mentioned
in previous posts but am not allowed to mention
now).
One of the last CRT-type 32" televisions that
we ever carried was sitting on the sales floor,
marked down to make room for LCDs when a gentleman
grabs my attention and with his fancy Sunday
best on proceeds to explain that he wants
a new TV but he's so-so on "those flat kind"
and doesn't want to spend blah blah blah...
Anyway, he settles on the largest CRT available
(and the largest one I've ever lifted by myself
but not the heaviest CRT).
We proceed to checkout and I'm asking "what
sort of vehicle are you driving?"
He tells me "I've got a big car.
It's no problem.
It'll fit just fine."
Meanwhile three other people have gathered
around him and I find out that these three
are all riding with him...
This isn't looking any better but I pray for
Rolls Royce or Bentley or large SUV and wheel
the TV out.
Of course, the car is none of those.
I'm waiting at the front door and a Pontiac
Bonneville pulls up.
I'm looking and the three people who I wrongly
assumed weren't riding with him are waiting
to get into this medium large car and yet
they assume the TV will fit in the trunk.
I know better.
I tell him "this probably isn't going to fit".
The man whose swagger had turned to stagger
said "it'll be just fine.
You can go on inside and grab me some rope
so I can tie it to the back."
Me: "Sir.
We don't have any rope for that purpose.
You're welcome to buy some but for liability
reasons I can't help you tie it and I certainly
couldn't just give you rope for the same liability
reasons."
Cust: "I'll wait right here.
You go on inside and find me some rope."
Me: "I can't do that."
Cust's Wife: "It's fine honey, you go on inside.
We'll take care of it from here."
Me: "Great.
have a nice day."
Cust: "Go get me some rope!?"
#3 I work in a department store, but for one
of the concession brands, not the store itself.
As such, I'm not always familiar with all
the promotions running across the other departments.
This conversation happened between myself
(M), and a smug 'holier-than-thou' man, who
we'll call (I) for Idiot.
M: "Just the t-shirts today?
That'll be $total."
I: "I think you'll find that $brand shirts
are actually 25% off."
M: "No problem - I don't actually work for
$DepartmentStore, just $MyBrand, so I wasn't
aware the t-shirts were on sale.
Let me just go double check the signage and
I'll be back in a sec!"
I power-walk over to brand's area, and sure
enough there's a big sign that says '25% OFF
$BRAND JACKETS AND OUTERWEAR' - but no specials
on t-shirts.
Thinking he's probably just mis-read the sign,
I put on my best retail smile and return to
the man at my counter who is now tapping his
foot impatiently.
M: "Sorry, sir - the $brand promotion is just
25% off of jackets."
I: "Yes, jackets and outerwear".
M: "Uhhhh... yes...
So t-shirts unfortunately aren't covered by
the promotion."
I: "You're telling me that $DepartmentStore
doesn't consider t-shirts to be outerwear?"
M: "That is correct, yes."
I: "But you wear them OUTSIDE."
Hard to agree with that rock solid reasoning,
I know.
But he still didn't get his tees on sale.
#2 I helped a lady... well, no.
I didn't really provide any assistance aside
from "maybe you should check with the manufacturer
instead of opening then returning 5 laptops
that work fine".
This borders on /r/tfts but it's not really
tech support.
This was in a retail position.
She explains "I already returned three of
these.
Which laptop will work with my Wireless."
Me: "They all have wireless.
They're essentially identical.
If you're having trouble with wireless I can't
really help you there but returning laptops
likely won't fix what's broken."
Her: (in a huff now) "Well, my son works with
computers and he tried but told me he couldn't
set it up.
So which one will work with my wifi."
Me: "I really don't know.
They all have essentially the same hardware
and the same wireless card built into them.
That means they'll all do the same thing.
You might try ordering directly from a manufacturer.
Sometimes you get cheaper deals and better
support packages and of course you can order
a machine that's a little better or better
fits your needs"
This woman stormed off still in a huff about
all this and apparently just returned her
previous laptop this time leaving with no
laptop.
We can't resell returned computers so this
is a loss to the company.
In a way I did the company a favor by getting
rid of her.
Later on, clawing desperately at every possible
opportunity to get away from retail, I went
to meet someone about a job posting at CareerLink
(state run job search/list service).
This woman was behind the desk and recognized
me.
She told me in no uncertain terms that she
would not hire me for a labor position because
she didn't like the way I handled this one
retail event (because she's a fuckwit and
can't set up wifi).
#1.
It was a Saturday evening in July and it was
storming like a mother fucker.
Meaning, when it stopped, it was gonna be
terribly humid outside.
For some reason, I felt like that sort of
atmosphere just lured the crazies out of whatever
hole that squat in.
Less than 30 minutes before my service desk
closed, I'm approached by a less-than-reputable
looking man and woman carrying a bunch of
shit they probably didn't understand.
Brand new blu-ray player (this was 2009, they
still weren't that cheap), a huge spindle
of blank blu-ray disks, and several high-end
HDMI cables.
Apparently I hadn't met my quota of bullshit
for the day, and these people were gonna get
me over the line.
Me: "Hey guys, what can I do for ya?"
Dude: "Yeah, my dad bought these and we wanna
bring em back."
Dude lays everything out in the counter WITH
a receipt.
I'm kinda shocked: that was a shitton of stuff
to lift from the store, but I've seen more
outlandish things happen.
Maybe they were legit after all.
They tell me nothing is broken or even opened.
I start doing the return like normal.
Everything checks out; receipt is legit, boxes
are still sealed, store number is okay, date
is...
WHAMMY!!
Shit had been bought from our store no more
than 5 minutes earlier.
And was it purchased with a card?
Sure was.
These assholes had used a stolen Visa to buy
crap from the electronics department so they
could come to the service desk and try to
return it for cash.
And then, we danced.
Me: "Okay, guys, you're gonna get back $328
on the Visa that it was purchased with, it
should take abo...
Dude: "No, we want cash."
Me: "Alright, sir.
I'll have to get a manager to approve that,
we'll need to see the card it was purchased
with and a driver's license."
They started to squirm.
Dude: "Well, my dad bought the stuff and he's
out in the car, he's very sick and can't come
in."
These people were in their late 40's, BTW.
Meaning dude's dad had to be pushing 70.
What 70-year-old have you ever met who has
any fucking business with 100 blank blu-ray
disks?
I'm 26 and I can't figure out which TV channel
my PS3 needs to be on half the time.
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, sir, but without
the card and his ID, there's nothing I can
do other than refunding the amount to the
card."
They started to get loud.
Dude: "This is stupid, we just want the cash!"
Bitch: "Tell em, baby!"
This exchange went on for a bit, with me repeating
the same information, this douchenozzle practically
screaming for cash, and his rodeo queen giving
him moral support.
My manager had made his way over at this point,
and stood perched off to the side watching
the show.
When they realized I wasn't budging, they
make a bold move & called the dad in.
I was stoked to get to meet Big Sick & Nasty
in the flesh.
An older guy comes in, getting around quite
well, I must say.
He storms up to the counter and screams in
my face,
BSN: "I JUST WANT MY GODDAMN CASH I'M SICK
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME."
This is when I had to decide between appealing
to their sympathies for me as the lowly retail
worker or letting them know that I knew what
the fuck was going on and they could eat shit.
I chose the former, because a far more epic
idea popped into my head.
Me: "Guys, if it were up to me, I'd help you
out, but if I were to give you that much cash
without an ID, I'd be fired in a heartbeat.
If you come across the ID, you can bring the
stuff back here or (pay attention to this
next part) take it to our other store across
town.
Until then, I can only put it back on the
card."
The seed had been planted.
We weren't letting up, but maybe the other
store was a bit more lax.
They said they understood, picked up the stuff,
and scurried out the way.
I turned to my manager, who simply looked
at me, smiled, and said, "Make the call."
BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BOOP
Me: "Hey guys, it's cbhaga01 from the store
across town?
Yeah, just giving you a heads up, I just had
a few people come in trying to return X, X,
and X, and we're quite certain they used a
stolen credit card.
They're probably heading your way.
I'm sure you'll know what to do."
My curiosity was outrageous, like wanting
to see Kathy Bates nude in About Schmidt just
to say that I had.
As soon as my shift ended, I jumped in my
car and bolted over to the other store.
As I'm walking in, I see these 3 criminal
masterminds trudging through the parking lot,
releasing an onslaught of "FUCK THAT"'s and
"PIECE OF SHIT"'s.
Fortunately, they were so blind with rage
that they didn't recognize this particular
piece of shit pass by them.
Otherwise, I'd say this story would have a
far worse ending.
I go inside and head over to the service desk.
Sure enough, all their shit is sitting behind
the counter.
Cool guy from this store, who I'd only known
through the phone, give me this massive shit-eating
grin when he sees my name badge.
We were like the service desk equivalent of
John McClain and Sgt. Al Powell.
They'd came in and tried the same shit at
this store.
When the CSA wouldn't give in, they relented
and had the money put back on the card.
Justice, bitch.
I went home that night and drank about 14
Busch Lights, because fuck people.
What did we learn here?
*Blu-ray is the ultimate home entertainment
experience
*D.B.
Cooper may be alive, but he sure as hell doesn't
shop at big-chain retail store
*Even if you hate your job, it feels awesome
to look out for other people instead of your
company; I like to imagine that person X had
their credit card deactivated soon after this
ordeal, and I like to imagine that we played
a big part in keeping this headache from being
worse than it already was
