Why do we find physically
attractive people so appealing?
Because physical attractiveness is a sign
of overall health and fitness.
Most indicators of health are externally visible.
And when I say fitness, I mean genetic fitness,
not going to gym fitness, although that does
help and I’ll get to that later.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, whether
it’s your intention or not, you judge people’s
physical attractiveness based on their ability
to provide you with healthy children.
Wait sorry, I should have mentioned this in
the beginning, but this video is basically
only geared towards heterosexual mate selection
so… yeah.
You may only be playing the field for fun,
but when you decide to go home with someone,
you’re still unconsciously judging them
based on their ability to produce healthy
offspring.
You may not want to have children with them,
you may just want to have some fun, but your
standards for beauty are based on reproduction.
And your standards for reproductive ability
are based mostly on what you can see.
So what do we find physically attractive?
Let’s start off by busting a popular myth
perpetuated by just about everyone.
The media does not dictate what is physically
attractive.
If that were the case, different cultures
would have different standards of beauty – and
while there are some small variations, what
we find attractive is similar across cultures
AND across time.
Media portrayals of physical attractiveness
just reflect what we already think is physically
attractive – they don’t tell us what to
find attractive and what we find attractive
has rarely changed, fashion has changed, but
that’s about it.
If you find that opening fact offensive, you’re
definitely going to find the rest of this
offensive.
Luckily, I brought back an old friend from
the gaslighting video to help out: Scumbag
Knowing Better
Sup.
Since I’m not an awful person and he is…
He’s here to say the things…
* I can introduce myself* Alright… uh…
I’m here to say all the horrible things
you’re all thinking but don’t want to
admit.
So if you find something offensive, it’s
clearly just his opinion, not mine, blame
him, not me.
Let’s hope that works.
But, since I opened this by talking about
reproduction and children, let’s begin by
bringing up a fact everyone should hopefully
already know.
Women find different men attractive based
on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
When they are ovulating, they are attracted
to more masculine or “alpha” men… you
know the guys that are typically at the higher
end of the 1-10 scale.
When they are not ovulating, they are more
willing to trade off physical attractiveness
and genetic quality for men who are more willing
or able to invest in offspring… often referred
to as a “beta” male.
Basically what he’s saying is that as long
as a guy is rich, he can be ugly.
Yeah… in a study that’s been replicated
so many times even mythbusters did an episode
on it, when asked to rate a guy on only physical
attractiveness, if women can still see the
guy’s income or job title as part of his
bio, they will unconsciously take that into
account and, on average, rate a rich guy as
23% more attractive than if they couldn’t
see it.
Meaning if he was a 5 without the bio, he’s
a now a 7.3.
Women want someone who is better able to provide
for potential offspring.
But that’s the majority of the time, when
they’re not ovulating.
But they just go for looks when they are in
their fertile phase, or looking for someone
short term, or they’re in a long term relationship
and they’re looking for someone to uhh …
Someone to cheat with.
The scientific term for that is “extra-pair
coupling” but… yes, cheating.
19% of women in long term monogamous relationships
admit to having cheated at least once.
Men are no better, at 23%, but their standards
for physical beauty don’t change when it
comes to long or short term relationships.
In the short term, women want someone who
is just plain physically attractive and displays
prominent masculine features.
Or to put it another way, when women are fertile,
they look for masculine genetic traits, when
they are not, they look for providers.
In order to display that they are providers,
men will often make ostentatious displays
of wealth, otherwise known as peacocking.
Gold chains, fancy white shoes, sports cars,
giant trucks, you know the rest.
Our fashion is often dictated by what we know
the opposite sex wants to see, this goes for
both men and women.
But men also use fashion to enhance their
masculine genetic features.
Broad shoulders indicate a high level of testosterone
during development, and women use that as
a cue.
So men have figured out that if they wear
suits with nice big shoulder pads, they appear
more masculine.
Women will find them more attractive and other
men will find them more intimidating.
Testosterone also affects the jaw, creating
a wider, more square jawline.
Which is why some men choose to have a beard
– because it accentuates the jaw line and
makes it look more prominent.
You trying to say something?
No… we’re the same… nevermind moving
on.
The last masculine feature has to do with
your hands.
You may have heard the myth that having big
hands is a sign of having a…
A large d.
Yeah, that one.
The myth that even this guy gets super defensive
about…
He referred to my hands, if they’re small,
something else must be small – I guarantee
you there’s no problem.
Well it turns out that there’s actually
some truth to that.
Although it’s not the entire hand, it’s
just the ring finger.
While there is no real correlation between
ring finger size and..
D size.
… there is a correlation between ring finger
size and testosterone level AND women are
able to pick up on that.
When asked to rate physical attractiveness
of hands, men with ring fingers longer than
their pointer fingers were rated significantly
higher.
I don’t know how they know that…
But as you’ll find with the rest of this
video, some of the cues we use to judge physical
attractiveness are incredibly subtle, while
others are pretty obvious.
So when we talk about what men look for in
women, let’s get real obvious.
Bigger is better.
He’s talking about boobs.
I actually wasn’t but… well okay, you
know what, let’s start with that.
The idea that bigger breasts are better able
to provide for offspring is a complete myth.
There’s no correlation between breast size
and milk production.
So why is bigger better?
Because it’s actually not the size that
men look for – it’s symmetry.
This goes for literally everything, symmetry
is the prime indicator of genetic and developmental
health.
If you are smaller and assymetrical, it’s
easier to hide that assymmetry.
But if you’re large AND symmetrical, you
are better displaying your genetic health.
Symmetry is more important than size, but
size better displays your symmetry.
So men look for symmetry by looking for bigger
everything – bigger…
Boobs.
… bigger eyes, bigger hips…
Which is why, and I hate to put it this way,
but Disney knows what men look for… which
is why they draw cartoon characters like this.
I’ve always been pretty partial to Ariel
really, I know who Elsa is but I still haven’t
seen Frozen – and I won’t, just let it
go… let it go…
Anyway, they all have impossibly large eyes,
impossibly small waists, and other exaggerated
features that men look for.
And before you think cartoons are only sexualizing
women, they do it to men too.
And just like with men’s fashion, women
have found ways to accentuate the features
they know men look for… with bras and even
underwear that make things look bigger.
Imagine being able to reshape your backside
and achieve that ultimate shapely, lifted
booty.
It’s here, hollywood’s latest trade secret.
Booty pop!
by making their eyes look bigger with makeup,
and a few other examples I’ll get to later.
But while symmetry is king and size is queen,
the ace is definitely age.
And just like the ace, it can go either way,
since men and women view age differently.
When men are looking at women, signs of age
are typically a negative.
The older you are, the less attractive you
are.
I mean that’s not the nicest way to say
that but… yeah.
But there’s an evolutionary reason as to
why.
Age of the mother at birth is a major indicator
of the future health of a child.
The magic age for motherhood seems to be between
25 and 30.
After that, the risks of all sorts of pre-natal
complications, developmental issues, and even
things like obesity increases by a lot.
So when looking for potential mating partners,
age is a factor.
But not only because of the potential health
of any future offspring, but the number of
potential offspring.
Since women go through menopause, they have
a limited window during which they can conceive.
So age is a rather obvious indicator of how
much reproductive time they have left.
Another major factor, linked to age and offspring,
is how many children they already have.
Because women have a limited time to reproduce
and the time it takes to conceive, birth,
and raise a child to self-sufficiency is so
long, women can only have so many children
– before modern medicine, that number was
only about six.
And birth order matters.
Each successive child has the same increases
in risk that age of the mother at birth does.
Each child has an increased risk of infant
mortality, developmental issues, and later
health issues.
Not only that, but those previous children
are also competitors to any of his potential
children.
So men take into account how many children
a woman already has when deciding whether
or not she is an ideal mate.
But age works in the reverse for men.
Age of the father has no correlation to the
health of their children and men don’t have
a limited age range for fertility.
So women desire signs of age in men, because
it’s an indicator of health, fitness, and
assumed ability to provide.
And one of the most prominent displays of
age for men is their hair.
Gray hair correlates with age and is therefore
seen as more attractive.
However, too much gray hair indicates that
you are not long for this Earth and may not
be able to provide for much longer, so there’s
a delicate balance.
But what is definitely not a good hair signal
is balding.
Because think about it, aside from old people,
who else goes bald?
Cancer patients.
Yes, sick people lose their hair.
So going bald kind of looks sickly.
This goes for men and women, but since many
men naturally bald as they age, they worry
about it a lot more and there’s lots of
products out there that claim to help combat
it.
But men also look at women’s hair as a sign
of health.
Across cultures, long hair is seen as more
desirable for women.
Long hair is not only a sign of current health,
but the longer it is, the more you are displaying
several years of health.
Short hair is seen as a sign or illness and
infertility.
And that’s why women with this haircut are
seen as bi-
Hey, I’m gonna let you speak your mind but
you gotta keep it at least somewhat family
friendly.
Man whatever.
But yes, short hair is a signal of both age
and infertility.
So naturally, there are hundreds of products
out there to help make your hair look as full
and healthy as possible.
But if that isn’t enough for you, you can
get extensions, a weave, or even a wig.
But don’t worry, men have their own ways
to fake their hair, with toupees or even cans
of spray hair.
It’s an amazing powder that clings to the
tiniest hairs on your head.
It actually builds on itself, leaving you
with great looking hair.
Another thing both men and women look for
in a partner is skin quality.
It is by far the best indicator of current
health.
Everyone wants clear, healthy skin, and there’s
certainly no shortage of products to help
with that.
But if all else fails, you can just cover
it up with makeup.
I know, there are a lot of women out there
that will say that you don’t wear makeup
to impress men, you do it just for you.
Yeah and we all totally believe you when you
say that.
Look, the truth is, we all wear things not
because it looks good to us, but because we
think other people will think it looks good
on us.
I’m certainly not immune – I already addressed
the beard thing, but another example is the
way I part my hair.
This isn’t my natural part.
I put it here because I think this is the
presentation that other people will find the
most attractive.
I keep it center-left, but my actual part
is way off to the left, because I’m right
handed.
The side you part your hair is almost always
an indicator of your dominant hand, and both
men and women like right-handed people.
In movies, almost always the good guy parts
his hair on the left and the bad guy parts
his hair on the right.
It’s just another one of those weird subtle
quirks.
Anyway, sorry for the tangent, back to skin.
Blemishes, splotches, and acne are all signs
of illness and are generally considered unattractive.
Scars on the otherhand…
Chicks dig scars.
That’s actually true.
As long as the scar isn’t considered disfiguring,
women actually find men with facial scars
more attractive, as it’s thought to be a
sign of physical fitness, masculinity, and
security.
Like you fought a bear and won or something.
Will you get your feet off the couch?!
Sorry, geez…
As with other hyper-masculine features, this
only increases your appeal for short-term
relationships.
Men on the other hand don’t care either
way about women with facial scars.
But another facial feature both men and women
care about is teeth.
First of all, having all of your teeth is
a major indicator of overall health, but cavities
and other discoloration are signs of poor
hygiene and health.
Along with releasing oxytocin and reinforcing
the social bond between you and your partner,
one of the primary purposes of kissing is
to trade germs and immunities with each other…
So if your teeth are rotting out of your mouth,
you don’t really wanna get all up in that.
I’ve steered clear of talking about what
people want when it comes to personality,
because that varies by individual preference
much more than what we find physically attractive.
But there’s an old adage that opposites
attract – and that’s been proven false
time and time again.
People generally want someone similar to them,
not just personality wise, but social class,
education, and even physically when it comes
to things like age and race.
The one place where the opposites attract
saying does seem to be true is when it comes
to immunity.
People will seek out partners with opposing
or complementary immune systems which you
can determine by both smell and… taste.
So kissing is very important, and therefore
a generally clean and appealing mouth is too.
Straight teeth on the otherhand are not an
indicator of health.
But they do show symmetry, and as I said before,
symmetry is king.
Which is why we put people through the horror
of braces… which honestly weren’t that
bad.
You’ll even pick up on small things like
someone gait, or how they walk, and use it
as a measurement of symmetry.
If they walk with a limp or they look unstable,
they’re not symmetrical, so they’re less
desirable.
Height is another body cue for health.
The taller you are, the healthier you are
perceived to be.
While men don’t seem to care about the height
of women, women do care about the height of
men.
So shallow…
Women generally want someone who is taller
than them, and typically, that height difference
is about 5 inches.
When asked, women will often say that they
desire someone who is 6 feet or taller.
But the average American and European man
is around 5 foot 9
Yeah laying down!
What?
That wasn’t…
alright fine, since you brought it up-
I didn’t bring it up, you brought it up
three weeks ago.
Alright you got me…
But since this does seem to be pretty important,
at least to men, here is a chart showing the
average…
d-size of over 15,000 men.
Basically, the median size is 5.1 inches,
if you’re at that length, half of men are
longer, half of men are shorter.
Again, when asked, many women seem to desire
the number 6 – which is actually in the
90th percentile.
You… you don’t have anything for that?
No, why would I?
*Shrug* Alright, moving on I guess.
The next whole body indicator of health is
body fat.
Both men and women want someone who is relatively
thin – the desired bmi for both men and
women is 19 which is at the high end of what
is considered “underweight”.
And while being too thin is an indicator of
illness, being overweight is also a pretty
good indicator of poor health and diet, and
as we all probably know by now, being overweight
and obese is linked to all sorts of health
problems… so I really don’t want to beat
a dead horse here.
However, this is across cultures.
You may have heard that there are some tribes
in Africa or the Amazon where heavier women
are seen as more desirable.
And this is true, to a point.
The fattest women in those tribes still have
a lower body fat percentage than the average
American female college student.
He’s not wrong.
Even in those tribes, the heavier women that
are seen as attractive are still within the
normal bmi range.
No culture, anywhere, sees obesity as attractive,
and to say otherwise is to try and normalize
a rather unhealthy condition and try to blame
culture for not accepting it.
But that’s enough fat shaming for now.
Next on the list of awful things is… ugh
really?
Waist to hip ratio.
I brought this up before but there’s a reason
why Disney draws their cartoon women with
waists so small that if they were real women
they wouldn’t actually be able to have children
or even be able to stand up straight.
Men look for women with wider hips than their
waist – the actual size of either doesn’t
matter too much, it’s the ratio between
them.
The size that is considered most attractive,
while still being healthy, is .7 – meaning
a waist that is 70% the size of your hips.
Again, this is cross cultural, so even in
those “fat tribes” in Africa.
Back in the sixties they came up with that
36-24-36 measurement as the ideal woman, and
Marilyn Monroe is often used as THE ideal
woman.
People today still use her as the example
of a “curvy” woman but…
Marilyn Monroe only weighed 118 pounds.
And her measurements were actually even smaller
than the “ideal” and she only had a .62
ratio.
But women have long known that the waist to
hip ratio is important and that’s why they
invented the corset.
Men’s ideal waist to hip ratio is only .9
– but that’s because women put less emphasis
on the hips.
Instead, they put more on their shoulders.
The ideal shoulder to waist ratio, also called
the golden ratio, is 1.6.
And again, just like cartoons, the more comically
large they are, the more attractive they seem.
So the next time someone tells you that the
media is responsible for our standards of
beauty or that only men or only women are
shallow, you can tell them they’re wrong,
because we’re all a little shallow.
And now, you know better.
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you learned something, make sure you give
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