I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Humor is reason gone mad.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
