 
### COMPLETE RELATIONSHIPS

### By Bernie K Boateng

### PUBLISHED BY

### Bernie K Boateng at Smashwords

Complete Relationships

Copyright 2013 Bernie K Boateng

Smashwords edition, License Notes

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### TABLE OF CONTENTS

•Appreciation

•Introduction

•Complete Marriages and Relationships

•Complete Man

•Complete Woman

•When A Man Joins His Wife......

•Why There Are Less Complete Relationships?

•50% Vs 100%

•Look In The Mirror

### Appreciation

There are so many people I would like to thank in helping make this book a reality. I hope I can honour all those who played an instrumental part in making this happen.

First and foremost, my highest gratitude goes to God for writing this book for me. Believe it or not when I say He is the true author of this book and not me. This book would never have been written if it was not for Him being by my side giving me the words to write. The enemy nearly won his battle in trying to convince me not to finish the book, but I thank God for giving me the courage and boldness to glorify Him in the highest for I am convinced that He who started a good work, will always bring it on to completion...... (Phillipians 1:6)

A page is not enough to thank Him for He deserves all the glory and honour but I pray that His name will be glorified in the highest through this book. Throughout my life, You saw the best in me when everyone else around could only see the worst in me. I thank you that you never see me as people do.

I would like to thank my mother for her support and being the first person to read the book. She is not one for reading books but she read it with ease and this has assured me that anyone will be able to read this book and be blessed. I want to personally thank her for believing in me since the day I was born. Even when people gave up on me, she never did. Thank you for your words of wisdom, encouragement and at times constructive feedback which has truly helped me in creating this book.

I would also like to extend my appreciation to my special friend Mojisola M Alausa. I thank you for being a part of my life and giving me inspiration to write the book. I thank God for your life and how you have been a part of my journey through it all. May God bless you and your family bountifully!

I extend gratitude to my siblings for giving me support and for helping me along the way. I am grateful for them being there for me throughout this journey.

A special thank you goes to Chris Alozie for designing the book cover. You did an awesome job! I really appreciate your great work on this and value all your support, advice and tips. I know God brought you into my life for such a time as this and know that this is just the beginning. Amen!

Appreciation also goes to Debbie Charles-Obi for being such an inspiration. Thank you for your encouragement and feedback. It has been a blessing to gain insight from you on this book.

I am grateful to my fellow brother Damola Ademolake. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. I thank God for your life and thank you for your encouragement. You have been a great inspiration on my life and appreciate you being a part of the book.

I cannot forget my brother Ernest Ofosu for believing in the book and helping me with great insight and feedback. I am grateful to you for being the great man of God you are and ask God to richly bless you.

What can I say about my great brother Michael Osei aside the fact that we go along way back. Thank you for your encouragement for you have been my 'Barnabas'. Without you, I would have easily given into the enemy to not finish writing but your words of encouragement kept me going and I am truly grateful. May God favour you all the time.

I also would like to thank Pastor Wheagar for reading my book and giving me great support. It has been a great honour and pray God's blessing over you and your family.

Lastly, I would like to thank anyone and everyone who have been a part of the creation of this book. May you all be blessed through this book. Amen!

### Introduction

With anxiety in her eyes, she exclaimed "You remind me of my father". I was not quite sure where she was going with this but I continued to listen intently.

"How do you mean?" I replied.

"Oh, I just mean in the way you carry yourself. He was such a man's man." She blurted out with slight laughter.

"However...." Her head dipped low gently as her face saddened. "He made some mistakes towards my mother."

As I looked deep into her eyes, I could read her thoughts almost as if she was telling me what she was thinking. I could see that she wanted me to know the pain she was feeling at that precise moment. As if she wanted to tell me, 'You better not do the same things my father did to my mother and family.'

This disturbed me as I had no intention of doing any wrong against her at all. My intention was to treat her like a 'Queen'.

"What's on your mind?" I asked courteously.

Now you must realise that at this stage, I had an idea of what was about to come out of her mouth. I was certain she was going to 'open the door' to her inner thoughts and take off the veil of her insecurities. I knew she was ready to give me the keys to her fears. I was wrong. Instead, the very thing she would say was enough to provoke me into deep thought.

"There are some MEN who just expect the WOMAN to do everything. Expect The WOMAN to cook all the time while the MAN does nothing. Some MEN feel they can sit down and expect the WOMAN to do everything."

However, what she really wanted to tell me was 'I want you to always appreciate me. I need you to help me whenever I cannot cook. I do not want you to take me for granted. I am vulnerable whenever I feel like you do not love me or appreciate me. I would stop being the woman I should be when I realise you do not value me.'

Now this struck a nerve with me as I knew exactly what she wanted to tell me. I knew how she was feeling and I could see there were insecurities hidden from me but I could not blame her at all. After all, we all have insecurities we hide away from people.

My response to the above would surprise me as I realised it was not of my own intellect to come up with such a reply.

I replied, 'You should let me focus on being the best man I can be while you focus on being the best woman you can be for me.'

She was quietly comforted and we ended the conversation. Shortly afterwards, I had time to think about all that was discussed and the next thing that happened changed my life.

A still small voice spoke to me about a revelation that would change my mind-set for the rest of my life. In fact, this revelation is the very reason why I wrote this book.

This revelation was refreshing to me and gave me peace. It made me realize that there is a way to have more fulfilling relationships and friendships. I also realized that there was a way to have fulfilling relationships without being a slave to our insecurities or expectations of our partner.

However, I realized that this was a revelation that had been hidden from a lot of people or abandoned completely.

So the still small voice, almost like a whisper spoke to me and said, 'If only people were to stop focusing on what the other person can do for them and focus on what they can do for the other person, there would be less broken relationships, broken marriages, broken homes and broken families.'

The voice continued, 'If only men and women would focus on being the best men, women, husbands or wives for their partners, there would be more complete relationships. If only they would stop being a slave to the expectations of their partner, there would be less break-ups and marriage failures.'

The voice further explained how many relationships and marriages in modern times have been built on a system that is incomplete and flawed. A system centred on expectations, insecurities, and contributions of their partner. In this system, people always ask themselves, 'What will I get in return?', 'Why have you not done it?', 'What will you do for me?' or 'Why can you not do it?' It always has the individual focusing on what their partner has not done or failed to do. This is an example of an incomplete relationship. Most relationships and marriages are operating like this today which is unfortunate. I woke up to the realisation that there is a system that most relationships are operating on which is inadequate. Indeed, a system that I personally have operated on and did not work for me and never will.

I also began to understand that there is a system that most people are ignorant of that brings the greatest form of fulfilment. It focuses on the individual being the best person they can be for their partner without being bound to their expectations of the other person. This is a system not found in most relationships or marriages today and asks the questions 'What can I do?', 'What do I need to do? Or 'Why can I not do it.'

They say that most problems in life are as a result of ignorance. In this case, ignorance of these systems has been the source of most problems in relationships and marriages today. From this revelation, I have been compelled to write this book and was convinced on that day, I was entrusted with this revelation to share with many.

Now I will be the 1st to admit that I am no expert in relationships. However, this is not about me at all. It is about the revelation I received on that glorious day which has changed my life and the approach towards relationships in general. This revelation is purely from God and not from my own intellect. May God help me if I try to take any credit for this.

In this book, we will look at how complete men and women make up a fulfilling relationship. We will then look at the many reasons why there are so many incomplete relationships today. Also, the two systems will be explored in greater detail. I will also give some guidelines on what we can do to have complete relationships. Remember these are a guide and are given as directed by the spirit of God.

I pray this book will be a great blessing to you as it has been to me. I believe you will read this book and learn the fulfilment of relationships going forward. The things you will learn from this book can mend a broken relationship or a marriage. It is my prayer that a marriage will be saved from divorce through this book. That a relationship gone sour will be refreshed again!

Thank you for taking this time to share in this revelation with me and pray God will bless you richly!

### Complete Marriages and Relationships

As much as I would like to go straight into discussing the revelation I received on that day and end the book, I believe it is important that I lay some foundation for us to build on so that you can have a greater understanding of the revelation afterwards. I tell you the truth when I say it would be the easiest thing for me to just talk about what God spoke to me on that day and wrap up the book. However, in order to understand what I will share with you as inspired by the Lord, I will need to share with you the system that God created himself. This system is Marriage. I would need to discuss the dynamics of the marriage institution that God intends for all of us to abide by. This is so important and I ask for His divine patience to help you go on this journey with me.

Now, God created the marriage institution so that it would be good. He did not intend it to bring distress, burden, restriction or shame as some people have been lead to think. His divine intention was to bring completeness into all relationships. It was to bring complete companionship. For this reason, God created Eve for Adam because He saw that he was lonely and it was not good to be alone. (Genesis 2:18)

What touches me is how God made Marriage so that man could love completely and not in part. That is why the vows men and women say on their wedding days are of unconditional love. This demonstrates the love that God wants us to share with one another in marriage because this is the same kind of love He shows you and me every day. Just as He made marriage complete, so He expects men and women in the marriage institution to be complete.

Complete Men and Women

As I discussed previously, God intended for all relationships and marriages to be complete. However, it is almost impossible for relationships to be complete if both the man and the woman are not complete. Now you might be thinking, 'What do you mean by a man or woman being complete?' I will discuss more about this later on but before I do, it would be necessary to look at what it means to be complete in the first place.

Now let us look at what the Oxford Dictionary has to say about the meaning of complete. It says:

•Having all the necessary or appropriate parts:

•Entire; full or

•Perfect

So if we put this into relevant context, we would say that a complete relationship and/or marriage have all the necessary parts; full or perfect. Likewise, we would say a complete man and woman make up a complete relationship.

'So who is a complete man or woman?' you might be wondering right now. For us to get closer to the answer, let us look at what the word complete means in Greek and Hebrew.

The Greek word for complete is 'Teleios' which means

•Perfect

•Mature or

•Of full age

Now some of you may say, 'How can anyone be perfect? No one in this world is perfect?' And I could not agree with you more. However, the application of the word 'perfect' from the Greek word is not one of 'no mistakes' but one of being complete in all parts similar to the Oxford dictionary definition.

An example of this definition came to life when God finished creating the heavens and the earth. In the book of Genesis it reads, 'Then God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. There was evening, and there was morning – the sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that He had done.' (Genesis 1:31-2:2, NIV).

From the above we see that God rested on the seventh day. Why did He rest? He did not just decide to rest because it was the seventh day (although that was part of it) but He rested because He saw that all He made was 'teleois' in other words perfect (complete in all parts). That was why God rested.

The amplified version reads slightly different and brings the application of the above definition more to life. It reads 'And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good (suitable, pleasant) and He approved it completely......' (Genesis 1:31, AMP). In other words, He saw that His work was 'teleois' (perfect, complete in all parts).

The Hebrew word for complete is 'Tamim' which also means perfect. Again, the application of perfect here is not signifying perfectionism but rather completion, being thoroughly constructed. It also, means being of truthful speech, whole-hearted, resolute and completely committed.

An example of this application in the Bible was when Moses said unto the people, 'you must be wholehearted with the Lord your God.' (Deuteronomy 18:13)

Moses had commanded the people to be 'Tamim' before the Lord. In other words, they must be wholehearted and completely committed to God. Amalgamating these concepts and definitions towards our subject, we can begin to see what it means to be complete men and women in relationships and/or marriages:

•Perfect

•Mature, of full age

•Wholehearted

•Completely committed

•Of truthful speech and

•Resolute

Over the next couple of chapters, we shall look at how the complete man and woman look like.

### Complete Man

In this chapter, I will be looking at the creation of man and how the man lines up with the concepts of being complete. It is no secret to many people regarding the creation of man in the Garden of Eden. This has to be the most familiar story known to mankind. Now, some of you reading this might be thinking this is yet another book that just talks about the creation of men and women and how they became one. If you are, I ask you to bear with me as this is not one of the many books already written that dwell on that throughout. However, it is necessary for me to touch on this in order to lay a solid foundation before I talk about the revelation later on.

In the beginning of the Bible, it is very clear on how man came into existence. In the book of Genesis, it shows how man came into being through God's breath of life. It reads:

'Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden and there he put the man he had formed........The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.' (Genesis 2:7-15, NIV)

According to this scripture, the Bible makes no mistake on how man was formed. He was created by God and not by the stars, moon, or the planets. What God also created for man was his purpose. I have outlined some of the key purposes of a man in line with God's word. Please note that they are not exhaustive and neither restrictive. This paints a picture of what God intended for a complete man to look like. It must also be clear that when I refer to a complete man, I do not mean a man who is without flaws or mistakes but a complete man who is completely dedicated to having complete relationships possessing all the necessary parts as we discovered from our definition of 'complete' previously.

The purposes of a man include:

1) Guard of the Home

2) Visionary

3) Unconditional Lover

4) Spiritual Leader

Guard of the Home

The man normally takes his position as the guard of the home. This includes being the bodyguard of his wife and protector of his children. This is something that we are acquainted with across most families. Many people will acknowledge that they had a father who acted out this role which serves as a purpose designed for every man to fulfil. Some children, especially daughters, would even go to the extent of saying that their father was over protective at times. As much as there is an extreme to this, God has ordained every man to be the overseer of his home including his partner and children.

If we go back to our scriptural reference of how man came into being, it reads slightly different from the amplified version. This is how it reads:

'.....And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it.' (Genesis 2:15)

We see that God highlighted man's purpose in the garden and that was to guard it. In other words, He wanted him to protect the Garden of Eden. Adam was the 1st man created in the world and the 'Garden of Eden' was the 1st home created for man. So this was God's intended purpose for man to be the guard of the 'Garden of Eden'.

You may be thinking but I live in a 'two bedroom flat'. Surely that does not apply to me? Yes it does because God is saying you are the guard of the 'two bedroom flat'. That is your 'Garden' He has entrusted you to manage and protect. You are the guard of your home and He wants you to guard and keep it.

Now I know that your 'Garden of Eden' will never be anything like Adam's. His 'Garden of Eden' had no mortgage, bills, boilers or any of the troubles we face in our 'Garden of Eden' today. His was like paradise and he had all he needed at his disposal. However, the garden had trees, rivers, animals and more. Not every man's Garden of Eden will be the same. Nevertheless, as a man you have the mandate to guard and keep your Garden of Eden no matter how it is.

Visionary

Another mandate God has given to man is being the visionary of the home. You have the license to look ahead and steer your family out of trouble into safety. God has given you the natural ability to view the future of possibilities and walk into it.

The man is entrusted to lead his family into a better land. This could be a better land in business, welfare, prosperity, finances and more. It is known for the man to look beyond his surroundings and see much more. He is able to see where he is now and envision where he could be tomorrow. He may not know how he will get there but he knows that he will get there somehow. He knows that he is one step away from reaching a 'better land'. He also has great vision for his family and knows there is more for them than what they can see today.

A great example of a man who had great vision was Abraham. God had blessed him with great visionary ability that inspires many in the faith. However, this was through a great relationship with God. It was through great communication with God every day that made him able to lead his family into a 'better land'. In Genesis 12, we see the beginning of Abraham's visionary ability as it reads:

'Go for yourself (for your own advantage) away from your country, from your relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you (with abundant increase of favours) and make your name famous and distinguished, and you will be a blessing (dispensing good to others)........So Abram departed, as the Lord had directed him....... Abram was seventy-five years old when he left Haran. Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their possessions that they had gathered, and the persons (servants) that they had acquired in Haran, and they went forth to go to the land of Canaan. When they came to the land of Canaan, Abram passed through the land to the locality of Shechem, to the oak or terebinth tree of Moreh and the Canaanite was then in the land. Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said, "I will give this land to your posterity".' (Genesis 12:1-7, AMP)

What a great VISION! We see that Abraham had a vision to go to a better land and was lead by God in how to get there. This vision could only come from the Lord Himself. However, the point I am trying to make is that God has given man the ability to see beyond where he is. He wants us to be visionaries, not just for our family but for the generations that will follow. Just as in the example above, Abraham's vision held valid for his future descendants.

In Chapter 15, we see Abraham's vision being increased as we see how his territory would be enlarged. It reads

'....the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." But Abram said, "Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus? And Abram said, "You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir." Then the word of the Lord came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir." He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars – if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."' (Genesis 15:1-7, NIV)

Now, it must be noted that Abraham lacked a seed of his own flesh. However, God took him outside to see how large his descendants would be. God was giving him visionary ability to see into the future He had planned for him. Today, you might be in a financial situation where you have no money and your family are counting on you. God is trying to take you outside today (away from the limitations of your life) and see how large your future is. That is why it is important for a man to be in tune with God and see the way God sees you. Not the way man sees you, or the way you see yourself.

However, this can only be possible if you have a good relationship with the Lord and you are obedient to Him daily. If we are communicating with Him continually, we can hear from Him and experience great visions that Abraham experienced. So if this does not inspire you to develop your relationship with God more intently, then I do not know what will. This is the secret to having great visionary ability.

Other great examples of men of God in the Bible who had great visionary ability are Joseph, David, Daniel, Moses and Joshua. This was only possible through their deep relationship with the Lord.

I could write a book on how God desires for men to be visionaries in this world and it is unfortunate that I cannot go deeper on this subject.

Unconditional Lover

God commands us to love unconditionally. He commands us to treat our spouses as we treat our own bodies. In the Bible, it is really clear how the man is expected to love his woman. He is meant to love her as he loves himself. He is given the mandate to love his wife as he loves his own body. To love his wife just as Christ loved the church through personal sacrifice and unconditional love. We see this commandment in the book of Ephesians, which reads:

'Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one has ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church....' (Ephesians 5: 25-29, NIV)

A common saying goes, 'Before you can love someone else, you must learn how to love yourself.' There is truth to this statement. So if the man does not treat his body (himself) well, how is he expected to treat his wife any better.

Just as the body gets hungry we feed it; when the body is dirty, we clean it. Or when the body is weak, we give it strength. We could not survive if we did not give our body what it needed when it needed it. We would not function if we abandoned our bodies and did not take care of it. This is exactly how we are expected to take care of our wives. We have to provide, protect, and give our wives all they need. When a complete man looks at his wife, he should look at his body, look back at her and say, 'This is my body that I love dearly'. We should look at our bodies and see our spouses in the same way. In other words, a complete man should be selfless towards his wife and not self seeking.

Spiritual Leader

The man is the spiritual leader of the household. However, a lot of men are not aware of this or have ignored their assigned duty God has given them. You do not have to look very far to notice this. If you look at the population of churches, you will find the ratio between women and men is uneven; in some churches very disproportionate at times.

It is an indication that men are not taking up their purpose as the spiritual leader. Although it must be noted that in recent times, this is slowly changing as we are starting to see more men present in church, there is still a gap that exists. The question that comes forth is 'Where are the men?' I am sure you might have witnessed your pastor laughing at the men in the church asking, 'Where are the men?' whenever there was a need for them to join the men's choir, men's fellowship , etc....Sometimes, I wonder if the Pastor is really asking himself, 'Where are our spiritual leaders?'

For instance, when a bank account is opened, the person who opened it is the primary account holder or the sole signatory. This means he or she has access to all that the account has to offer but also has the sole responsibility over the account. Now they have the option to add a secondary account holder or another party. However, this person may not share in all the responsibilities of the account.

For example, when the secondary account holder wants to cash a cheque, they might not be able to cash it in line with the mandate of the bank account. The mandate is what empowers the person the ability to access the full rights of the bank account and enable them to enjoy all the benefits (such as cashing cheques). This mandate is checked by matching signatures with signatories of the account. If the bank's system cannot match the person's signature, the person cannot exercise their full power hence they have limited access to the bank account.

This is true for men as God is saying to you that I have given you a mandate to operate as the spiritual leader. However, a lot of men have thrown away their mandate by not being present at church, falling astray, or not giving their families the direction needed to follow God. Therefore, we are relying on the secondary account holder to operate as the sole account holder. This may work for limited access but not for full access of the mandate available.

This is not to say that a woman cannot be a spiritual leader as there are clear examples of women in the Bible who were just that. However, there is a special mandate that a man has been given by God which comes with a special authority. This is displayed in how a family responds to the voice of a man. Nevertheless, this is more like a 'role call' for men to get into their rightful positions and be the spiritual leader that God wants them to be in their homes.

### Complete Woman

To give an accurate account of what a complete woman should look like proves to be a challenge given that I am a man myself. However, I thank God for His word that is true and living! So I will be basing a lot of my findings from the word of God and also giving suggestions on what men want more from a complete woman.

To fully understand how the complete woman looks like, we must first go back to the beginning where she was created by God. This shows the intention of what God had in mind for the woman.

Now if we pick up from where we left off when God created man, we begin to see the emergence and need for a woman.

In Genesis 2:18, it reads, 'Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

"At last!" the man exclaimed. This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'" (Genesis 2:18-23, NIV)

Helper

In verse 18, the amplified version reads, 'Now the LORD God said, it is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.' (Genesis 2:18, AMP).

From the above scripture we see that God made woman to be a 'helper' to man. You might be thinking, what do you mean by a woman being a 'helper' to a man?

God intended for the woman to help the man in many ways. Firstly, the woman is a companion every man cannot live without. It was for this very reason God created 'woman' for He saw that the man was alone and in need of companionship. He was in need of someone to talk to and confide in. As a woman you fill in the gap that men struggle to fill throughout their lives. You are the companion he can trust, confide in and talk to without a need to be someone he is not.

Secondly, you are a 'helper' when you connect with his vision or dream and help him get closer to it. There is something special about a woman who can understand their man's vision and get the most out of their man in achieving it. A woman reading this might be thinking how can I do this? The answer is simple. By being exactly what God intended you to be and that is a 'helper' to your man.

However, a 'helper' also means being complementary to your man. Being in tune with where he is going and helping him get there. You have to understand his vision and this can only be achieved through humility and effective communication. You will begin to know what he needs in order to get to the vision. Once you understand his vision and know what he needs to accomplish it, you have to also see the potential in him and help him along the way towards achieving it.

Nothing helps a man achieve his vision more than knowing his spouse or woman believes in him and his vision. You will be surprised at how a man just needs to hear his partner say 'I believe in you', 'I know you can do it.' These statements can be the driving force in your husband getting that dream contract or that promotion at work. It could make the difference in him setting up that successful business or planting that new church.

I am not saying that you should pretend that your man is amazing if he is not. I am not saying that you should pretend that he is the most successful man in the world. However, when you connect with his vision, you begin to see the potential in him and see how successful he will become. You begin to see how great he is and that is when you need to speak into his life as though he has reached it.

Words are powerful! Words have life in them. When you speak words of life into him, you will begin to see the impact your words are having on his life. 'Death and life are in the power of the tongue.' (Proverbs 18:11, AMP). Use your tongue to help your man and stop using it to bring him down. This is one way you are a 'helper' to him when you use your tongue to have a positive impact over his life. One negative statement from a woman's mouth is enough to kill any man's dream no matter how big or small it is. So the next time you think to curse your husband when you see things going wrong, just remember his vision and you will remember how great he is. Begin to change your language towards your husband and you will begin to see significant results in his life!

When we look at a game of basketball, we have the coach, the players and the cheerleaders. Some people always remember the players especially the one who scores the most points. On the other hand, the cheerleaders are often forgotten about and sometimes not included as part of the team sheet. However, most people tend to forget how much influence the cheerleaders have on the players and on their performance. They are able to uplift the players during the game, keep their morale up and help give them confidence. Even when the team is losing, the cheerleaders are able to keep the players going without feeling like giving up. This makes the players feel like they are 'on top of the world' ready to face the opposition. Before the game is even over, they believe they have won the game. The cheerleader is in most cases the 'unsung hero'.

Now, imagine if there was no cheerleader or a cheerleader who was cursing the players, do you think they would play any better than they are capable of playing? I am sure you know the answer to this but it is so easy for a woman to miss her purpose and think she does not have a duty to help her man in cheering him on. When you cheer him on, you become the extra player on the court to help beat the opposition. When you do this, you begin to share in his victories, shame, pain, and tears. When he is losing you are losing with him. When he is winning you are winning with him. When he receives a blow from the enemy, you are taking that blow with him and when he stands tall against the opposition, you are standing tall with him too. Being that extra player makes it easy for him to win.

However, it amazes me how a woman can be comfortable being a hindrance to their man. It amazes me how a woman can become an enemy to their husband. If that is you, I pray God's peace over your life to stop you from being an enemy to your husband. A man has enough opposition from the world already. A man faces several barriers throughout his lifetime, several reasons why he cannot make it and just needs a cheerleader to give him a reason why he can. Do not underestimate the power you have in helping him get towards his vision.

Build the home

'A wise woman builds her home but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.' (Proverbs 14:1, NIV)

Part of what it means to be a complete woman is being able to build your home. If a man has been given the mandate to be the guard and protector of the home, then the woman's mandate is to be the builder of the home. God has entrusted the woman to build the home and all that is in it, including her husband.

So there are two kinds of women according to the above scripture. The 1st one is the wise woman who builds her home and all that is in it. She is considered wise by how she handles affairs in the home. This is part of what makes her complete as a result of being wise in her ways.

In Proverbs 31, we see a glimpse of this wise woman who is very resourceful, hospitable, industrious, of good character, balanced temperament and wise in all her dealings. This gives a picture of how a complete woman builds the home. It reads:

'A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night: she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple......She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."' (Proverbs 31:10 – 29, NIV)

How the complete woman builds her home is two-fold. She builds the people in the home and the things of the home. She achieves the 1st part by building her husband through comfort and encouragement as well as being the companion and support that he needs. In the amplified version, verse 12 reads,

'She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her......'

That is inspirational!

Part of being a complete woman is the wisdom to recognise opportunities you can use to encourage your man. Imagine if every woman set out to do the above consistently, there would be a transformation in men across the world with most of them being built up and edified. The fruit of achieving this is seen in verse 11 which reads,

'The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely......'

What a great reward to reap from building your husband at every opportunity. The latter part looks at building the things inside the home. In other words, how the affairs of the household are handled. Verse 12 shows how she builds her husband, whilst verses 13-27 look at how she builds the things of the home. Through these verses, we learn how the wise woman is organised, industrious, intelligent, resourceful, effective and productive. What a great woman she is!

I am not saying that every complete woman must possess every single trait as described above but the willingness to build the home and her husband without contention or pride is the most important thing.

When we look at the second kind of woman described in proverbs 14, we see that the foolish woman tears her home down. She is the complete opposite to the wise woman in all her ways. We looked at how the wise woman builds her home and how this is two-fold. When we see how the foolish woman tears down her home, again this is two-fold. It starts with the people in the home (starting with the man).

How does she do this? She does this through her character. A wife who is of high temperament in the home destroys any hope she can have of a complete marriage. She kills any form of intimacy the man would wish to have with her. Remember, it is not about you but about how you build your man and the foolish woman misses this point. They feel it is all about them and what they are entitled to.

As the scriptures says, the foolish woman tears down her home with her own hands. Her own hands represent her actions and character. A complete man wants to be married to a wife and not her mother. A complete man wants to be married to a woman and not a man. So why would you make him feel that way? Your character can determine whether he would stay or leave; hang around or run away. But some women wonder why a man leaves with no explanation; the answer might be in how you been tearing him down!

In no way do I condone a man to ever leave his home to go somewhere else, but a man can feel less of a man where he is and this can push him far away physically, spiritually and emotionally. Let's look at a few scriptures that validate the above:

'It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging , quarrelsome and faultfinding woman......It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation.' (Proverbs 21:9 & 19, AMP)

'Like a gold ring in a pig's snout, is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.' (Proverbs 11:22, NIV)

'A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.' (Proverbs 27:15-16, NIV)

'I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, who heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare.' (Ecclesiastes 7:26, NIV)

I believe you are starting to get the picture now? The way a woman tears down her home are with her hands. These are shown through contention, pride, constant nagging, mood changing, refusal to follow, excessive controlling, fault finding and excessive desire to always be right. These kind of behaviours are not from God and do not help towards building your home. If you are this kind of woman, I pray for these corrosive behaviours to be removed from your life right now and be replaced with the character of the 'Proverbs 31' woman. Amen!

Again, I could write an entire book on this topic alone and the impact this has on relationships and marriages.

Submission

Another crucial part of being a complete woman is the ability to submit to your husband. I have found that submission has become a misunderstood concept especially amongst women. It is something that a lot of women in modern times struggle with. They do not truly understand what it means to submit to a man. What I also notice is how a lot of women do not know how to submit. This is sad as a lot of things go wrong from failure of the above. I believe there are a number of reasons why women struggle with this and some of the reasons are as follows:

•Insecurity

•Pride and arrogance

•'Always want to be right' attitude

•Scared of being weak and vulnerable

•Ignorance

The above suggest that there are some illusions around submitting to a partner. Let's look at some of these illusions and what submission is not.

•The woman should be a doormat; this is not what true submission means and by no means should any women feel they ought to be a doormat or a punching bag

•The woman should not have a voice; again, another illusion which is not accurate of true submission

•The woman should be weak; there were strong women in the Bible who were submissive to their partners (An example is Sarah). True submission does not mean you should be weak

•The woman should feel vulnerable and insecure; this illusion could not be further from the truth and true submission is actually evidence of a woman who is secure and not vulnerable especially if she has a true relationship with the Lord.

•Submission gives the man unlimited authority; this is a false concept. Just as women are commanded to submit, so are men commanded to love and serve their wives unconditionally

How does a woman submit to a man?

'Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.' (Ephesians 5:22-24, NIV)

God is giving instructions to complete women on how they should submit. This is a commandment for women to submit to a man as onto to the Lord. This is more of a spiritual commandment as the woman cannot truly submit to her husband if she does not know how to submit to the Lord. This starts from the relationship she has with God and how well she is able to submit to Him. Through her personal relationship with God, she learns how to submit her will and obey Him in all she does.

Jesus Christ submitted his will and desires to the Father. He submitted all the way to the cross with no objections or rationalisations. For He said, "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." (Luke 22:42, NLT). Jesus Christ denied his own will and desires by taking up His Father's will to the cross where he would be crucified. He knew the pain and shame that was to come, yet he kept going for he also knew of the glory that would follow. What we also learn from Jesus is how he was strengthened by an angel as he submitted to the father (Luke 22:43). Although it may have appeared that Jesus was weak, vulnerable and insecure, he was actually strong and full of glory.

So when a woman submits to a man, she must look to Jesus Christ as the perfect example. Now, there is something beautiful about a woman who submits to their partner. Beauty that cannot be expressed through designer clothes or make-up. Some women think that beauty comes through the way they look and appear but true submission brings forth a kind of beauty that is so attractive to a man. The kind of beauty seen through within and not on the surface of the body; beauty that is felt and cherished. It is the kind of beauty that is priceless and can turnaround the hearts of stubborn men. In 1 Peter 3, it describes this kind of beauty and reads:

'Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry of fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her Lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.' (1 Peter 3:1-6, NIV)

If you are a woman who wants to look beautiful, just learn how to submit to your partner by applying the above in your marriage/relationship.

Intercessor

When we study most of the women figures in the Bible, we find that a lot of them were intercessors. They were women who got the timing just right. They were women who sensed danger and came up with a solution to save people. They also could see the bigger picture in situations and were able to act wisely. They could diffuse trouble even though it may have been caused by someone else. They were able to save their husbands' lives, or rescue an entire nation as a result of their intercessory power. They just knew what to do. When someone got it wrong, they were able to stand in the gap for that person.

Women are naturally inclined intercessors. There are so many examples of women in the Bible who demonstrated this ability effortlessly. An example of a woman who demonstrated this was Zipporah. She was Moses wife and was a Midianite, unfamiliar with the circumcision requirements. She opposed the circumcision of their son. Consequently, Moses permitted this and it became a form of disobedience in God's eyes. To give some context, God had a covenant with the Israelites around circumcision (Genesis 17). In the 'old testament', failure to follow the covenant God had made with Israel was akin to removing yourself and your family from the blessings of God. Because of Moses calling over his life (Exodus 4) he could not truly be the leader and deliverer that God wanted him to be if he had not observed God's covenant. As a result, God was ready to cut him off.

You must realise this incident nearly cost his life before he would even become the Moses we all know he became. Although, Zipporah opposed the circumcision in the first place, we see that she instinctively sensed Moses could lose his life and as a result did the very thing that she was against (the circumcision of their son) in order to rescue Moses' life. In Exodus 4, we see just how she intercedes for Moses.

'Along the way at a [resting-] place, the Lord met [Moses] and sought to kill him [made him acutely and almost fatally ill]]. [Now apparently he had failed to circumcise one of his sons, his wife being opposed to it; but seeing his life in such danger] Zipporah took a flint knife and cut off the foreskin of her son and cast it to touch [Moses'] feet, and said, Surely a husband of blood you are to me! When He let [Moses] alone [to recover], Zipporah said, A husband of blood are you because of the circumcision.' (Exodus 4:24-26, AMP)

From the above scripture, Zipporah was clearly against the circumcision but she saw the extent of the consequences in failing to follow God's covenant, she sacrificed what she felt strongly against in order to save her husband's life. We see that she acted swiftly and interceded for him. What a sacrifice she made! Had she not interceded for him, there would have been no more Moses and all the miraculous wonders seen in Egypt would not have taken place through him. How sad that could have been for Moses if Zipporah had not interceded for him.

Another example of intercessors was Abigail. She was very intelligent and beautiful but was married to a wicked rich man named Nabal (1 Samuel 25:3). She was able to see the bigger picture when she witnessed her husband behave so cruelly to David whilst he was in the wilderness. Instead of Nabal to repay back David's kindness for looking after his workforce and possessions (which resulted in him becoming more prosperous), he disrespected David and sent an evil message back to his servants (1 Samuel 25:4-11). It is like looking after someone's house, and when you need some food to eat on a particular day they pretend like they do not know who you are and what you did for them.

As a result David was full of anger that he gathered 400 men to go and slaughter Nabal and all of his men. Having learned what was about to happen, Abigail acted quickly by gathering provision for David and went out to meet him, pleading for him not to kill Nabal. She did this in an attempt to save his life without telling him what she was up to. (1 Samuel 25:18-32). When we see David's response to Abigail's actions, we witness the power of intercessory ability.

'David said to Abigail, "Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me, May you be blessed for your good judgement and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak."' (1 Samuel 25:32-34, NIV)

David was a man of war; a skilled warrior. He had fought many battles and claimed victory on numerous occasions. The Lord was surely with David in all his battles through his deep relationship with Him. These were not empty statements or threats he was making. David was full of anger and would have carried out every word he spoke. However, being the great intercessor she was, Abigail not only saved her husband's life at that moment but also saved David from bloodshed.

There are other examples in the Bible where women rose up to save nations like Esther, Deborah and more. This shows us how God desires women to intercede for their families and husbands.

### When A Man Joins His Wife......

When God created the marriage institution, He intended for a man and a woman to come together and be united. Through this union, the two individuals are no longer separate persons but are one flesh. This can only be achieved when the two have left home to join together as one. If this does not happen, becoming one cannot be possible.

'That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24, NIV)

In the amplified version of this same verse, it states God's intention of marriage accurately when it states:

'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24, AMP)

There are two words I want to highlight from this powerful scripture that is so important to the marriage institution and central to having complete relationships. They are 'leave' and 'cleave'.

In every marriage union, there is a requirement for the couple to leave behind parents and family. This is not to say that they should ignore or forsake their family but there must be a 'leaving' before there can be a 'cleaving'.

When we look at the meaning of 'leave' in the Oxford dictionary, it states:

•To go away from

•Let go of

In this context, God wants you to go away from your parents and family physically to be with your partner. It is virtually impossible for both the man and woman to come together without both parties letting go of what they have clung onto most of their lives. It is physically impossible to truly unite without going away from parents, family, and relatives. As I mentioned earlier, this does not mean that one should ignore their family. It does not mean one should forget/abandon where they came from. However, it does mean that one should let go of their family and build a future with their wife or husband. There is no coincidence that 'leave' is a shorter word than 'cleave' yet is spelt the same.

A couple cannot build a successful marriage or future together if there is excessive interference from in-laws and family. It will then become a future with the family and not the couple.

There are many times when a man allows the influence of siblings or parents to get hold of the marriage bringing disharmony and dysfunction into the marriage. Likewise, a woman who allows her father to have overbearing influence on her marriage is setting herself up for terrible disaster. She may have said vows to become one with her husband but has allowed her father to be part of the marriage because she has not let go. This is not healthy for any union!

In marriage, God commands you to let go of your family, traditions and parents but not to let go of yourself. You are supposed to go away from all that could interfere with your marriage but that does not mean you should stop being the man that you are. In other words, when you are leaving, you leave as a complete man or woman and you cleave as a complete man or woman as well.

When we look at the word 'cleave', we find that it is defined by the Oxford dictionary as:

•Stick fast to

•Adhere strongly to

•Become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached to (someone)

From the above definitions, we see a succinct picture of what it means to cleave to a spouse. Cleave is an action required from both parties. A complete relationship will not last if only one party is cleaving while the other is not. It requires a conscious effort from both the man and woman. Leaving is very important as cleaving cannot be possible. Leaving opens the door for cleaving to take place. Without leaving there can be no cleaving. However, leaving alone is not enough to enable cleaving as it is a conscious decision made by both parties to become physically, spiritually and emotionally attached to each other. As this is a union, the two people become one. One person cannot force the other to do this. This is why they become one flesh as the two have come together and are cleaving to one another.

Furthermore, there must be a 'coming together' of the man and woman. In other words, the two must unite so they can successfully cleave to each other.

'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24, AMP)

So being united allows for successful cleaving to take place. This part of the marriage process comes after leaving and before cleaving. The two unite themselves and make it possible to become one. So the process looks like this:

1. Leave

2. Unite

3. Cleave

Now it must be noted that throughout each stage of this process, what God is trying to say is the man and woman should be complete. I took the time to go through the complete man and woman before discussing complete relationships as it consists of the two. A complete relationship is not sustainable if one person is complete and the other is not. Now, you might think but this cannot be possible as no one is perfect. Neither is the complete man or woman. A complete man may be a good 'guard of the home' and not so good a 'visionary'. Likewise, a complete woman may not be a good 'helper' but knows how to submit to her husband. What is most important here is the willingness and desire to be a complete man or woman for your partner.

On the contrary, a woman may be good at all the roles that were discussed before but because of pride or arrogance, may decide she does not want to fulfil any of them. Just because she knows how to submit and do all the rest does not make her a complete woman. It is through her willingness to do all of the above and to help her husband that makes her complete. There is a big difference between 'knowing' and 'doing' and this makes up a big part of the complete relationship as well as the revelation that will be shared in Chapter 6. Many people are in the 'knowing' category yet are not 'doing'. They say I know that I should submit to my husband but I do not want to or I know that I should be the spiritual leader but do not want to be.

This is where a lot of marriages and relationships are failing and the main reason for writing this book. God was getting my attention and commissioning me to highlight this crucial point to the world as there are a lot of people in this category.

As I mentioned previously, I wanted to take you on a journey on what 'complete' means. If you have made it up to this point, I want to personally thank you for your patience in coming on this journey with me. I know you will not regret it as the rest of this book will be centred on the revelation that I received on that day and caused me to create this book in the first place. I will be looking at what has caused mankind to stop having complete relationships. From there, I will go straight into the revelation in further detail. Afterwards, I will then help you by taking you on another journey which will involve making a decision to have complete relationships.

### Why There Are Less Complete Relationships?

We can learn so much from the 1st complete relationship known to mankind. Adam and Eve knew exactly what it was like to have a complete relationship. How do we know this? They were able to be naked before one another with no shame. They had no barriers neither did they have any insecurities. This was a beautiful relationship! The best union anyone could have. Why do I say this? Because they could stand naked and feel secure. Let's take a glimpse into the complete relationship Adam and Eve shared.

'And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence.' (Genesis 2:25, AMP)

We see that Adam and Eve were both naked. Why is this so significant? This was the basis for their complete relationship.

When we look at what the Oxford dictionary has to say about the meaning of naked, it says:

•Without clothes

•Without the usual covering or protection

•Expressed openly; undisguised

From the above definition, we know that Adam and Eve were unclothed, undisguised and openly expressed before one another. They were not just unclothed physically but spiritually and emotionally too. There was no hidden agenda or scheme for one of them to profit from the other. They were completely undisguised and were able to express openly without any shame or cover up. This was amazing! I am not sure if many relationships of this nature would exist today. The level of purity was beyond any comprehension and this is evident in how they were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence (Genesis 2:25, AMP).

Similarly, we see that a child can walk around naked without a care in the world and not feel embarrassed or ashamed. Adults looking at the child start to blush and make noises feeling embarrassed at the sight. As far as the child is concerned, he or she does not see anything wrong. Nevertheless, people looking will see how innocent and pure the child is.

This is similar to the union between Adam and Eve. It was very innocent and pure with no hidden agenda or motive against one another. No unrealistic expectations or fault finding behaviours. It was an enviable union as the two were secured in each other's presence.

I hope you are getting the point I am trying to make? If only we had more complete relationships like this, there would not be such a high rate of divorce across the world or so many break-ups in relationships.

Adam and Eve were physically, spiritually and emotionally naked. They did not have to worry about being insecure or vulnerable as they were both naked. What a joy it is for a man and a woman to be naked before one another with no insecurities, hidden motives, expectations, demands or pride. This was a marriage made in heaven with no catch to it. It was a special union.

What was to follow of this very innocent, pure relationship was very sad. What happened to the 1st complete relationship was tragic. We see the most cunning and craftiest animal come into the 'Garden of Eden' and deceive Adam and Eve. I am sure most of you are familiar with the story, but for the benefit of those who are not, I will give a brief summary. God forbade Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil which was found in the middle of the garden (Genesis 2:17). However, the serpent came along and tricked Eve into tasting it and Eve consequently lead Adam into eating the forbidden fruit as well. Once this happened, their eyes were opened and they began to hide their nakedness with fig leaves as they had gained knowledge of good and evil. God knew about the disobedience committed by the couple and the rest was history. Sin came into the world and evil resided. Not only did we see the huge fall of man, we also saw the fall of relationships instantaneously. We see this tragic incident unfold in Genesis 3:

'Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?

The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"

"You will not certainly die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

The man said, "The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."' (Genesis 3:1-13, NIV)

What a sad way to end a complete relationship! This caused the fall of mankind and complete relationships.

In verse 7, we see that once Adam and Eve gained knowledge of good and evil, they realised they were 'naked' and started to cover themselves with fig leaves and coverings. Why did they feel the need to cover themselves when they were 'naked' previously? Because they found out what it meant to be 'naked' in a relationship and not vulnerable. This is the problem we have in many relationships. We have got so much knowledge of good and evil in relationships that we are too busy covering ourselves. We are covering ourselves because of the past and afraid of being open with one another. We struggle to be 'naked' before our partner because of coverings.

What are some of these coverings we use in relationships? These include pride, fear, baggage and more. I will be going through a few of these coverings later on. Also, we learn from Adam and Eve that once they gained this knowledge and started covering themselves, they started playing the 'blame game'. It was inevitable. The fault finding behaviours started coming out profusely. Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit to eat. Eve blamed the serpent.

Adam was a man. He had total dominion over the garden and he had choice. He did not have to eat the fruit if he did not want to. Even if he did, he should have taken full responsibility. We also see Eve playing the 'blame game' by blaming the serpent for what happened. Eve was finding an excuse for why things were going wrong. She found a reason to deflect responsibility and accountability for what happened.

Guess what? The harsh reality is that we also do this in our relationships too. How many times do we say 'It was because of my family' or 'It was because of my busy job' or 'Because you did that, so I did this'. We blame circumstances or the other person for our actions. Do we really take full responsibility for our actions? This is a virus that kills a lot of relationships and no complete relationship is sustainable like this.

Now let's look at some of these coverings.

Fear

This is a contagious 'covering' that gets worst over time. This is the fear of making mistakes. Fear of not being good enough. Those who use this covering, find they are afraid of being open with their partner. They are afraid of being hurt and have their guard up all the time. Afraid of being 'naked' because that means one is vulnerable. Adam said, "I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." (Genesis 3:10)

In relationships, we tend to hide because we are afraid. Afraid of what the other person would say or think. Afraid that we do not measure up but you must know that you are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' (Psalm 139:14)

You are God's master piece. You were designed in a special way and created just as He had planned. For He knows the plans He has for you..... (Jeremiah 29:11). You are a special and unique creation. There is only one 'you'. Before He formed you in the womb He knew you (Jeremiah 1:5).

I dare you to drop the covering of fear in your relationships, and see what a transformation this will have in your relationship.

Baggage

This 'covering' is a dangerous one. It will steal your happiness and joy. Make you more vulnerable than intended. You end up being more insecure, when you thought it would help you be less insecure. It causes stress, anxiety, frustration, agitation, paranoia and doubt. We carry around the baggage of the past, baggage of mistakes and the baggage of other people's failures and bring these into our relationships. This prevents us from truly having complete relationships.

Let's imagine, one day you came back from a trip abroad with two heavy bags. As you arrive into your destination, you do not remember the size and weight of the bags until you have to carry them from the 'baggage reclaim' section at the airport. Once you see these bags, you become disheartened and discouraged for you realise how much trouble you will go through when carrying them. You begin carrying them and start getting stressed out and frustrated at how heavy they are.

However, you are delighted to see a trolley you can use to get into the vehicle that will take you home. Once you arrive, you are relieved to see your partner and family. They help you carry your 'baggage' into the house. Instead of letting go of your 'baggage', you decide to continue carrying your 'baggage' throughout the home while you are with your family and spouse.

After just a few minutes, you feel everything is ok. After 15 minutes, you are starting to get really tired and weary. After 30 minutes, the 'baggage' is feeling heavier than it really is and you are now frustrated. After an hour, you are at breaking point and your poor partner is feeling the wrath of your frustration. You become very agitated at this point and everything becomes an argument or a fight. You are no longer the man or woman that first walked through the door. Why is that? It is because you are still carrying 'baggage' from your previous destination.

This is an illustration of what people do in relationships. We refuse to let go of the 'baggage' because we think it makes us who we are. It represents where we came from. However, you do not realise you are killing your relationship. In a pursuit not to let go, you end up hurting the very people who love you.

Also, 'baggage' cause people to say, 'This is the way I am', 'It is because of how I grew up' or 'I was a victim to circumstances'. 'Baggage' steals our ability to enjoy relationships of today because we are stuck in relationships of yesterday. It is a dangerous 'covering' which robs our happiness. Your mind is fixated on the issues of the past. Things that happened in your family, things you went through in your previous relationship or things that happened to you when you were younger. You cannot truly move on while you are still holding onto 'baggage'. It wears you down. It makes you anxious.

Do you see the impact of carrying baggage in relationships? Are you willing to drop your baggage and become free?

For Jesus Christ said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

If you want to be free from the bondage of 'baggage', the answer is in the above scripture. He wants you to let go of your troubles, pain, past and shame and come to Him as you are. He will not judge you but he will love you. He will set you free from the 'baggage' you are carrying around.

Pride

This is a self-destructive 'covering' which is no surprise as it is centred on self. No one gets far with this covering in any relationship. This kills relationships quicker than anything else. Pride makes you think you are better than your partner; makes you think you are always right no matter what. It makes you feel that you are entitled to everything. It makes you feel dignified; you are not to blame for any wrong doing and if you are, it was because of someone else. You are never wrong. Pride makes you deflect all responsibility or accountability for anything. Pride boasts and brags. It never concedes humility for any mistake. When the person is in the wrong, pride makes them apologise with an excuse or a justified attitude. This is pride!

Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). When Pride comes, disgrace follows..... (Proverbs 11:12). Before his downfall a man's heart is proud..... (Proverbs 18:12). Pride is something that is not from God and He never blesses proud people or proud relationships. That is why scripture says God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble and the oppressed (James 4:6). We further see the consequence of proud people in the book of Jeremiah where it reads:

'The terror you inspire and the pride of your heart have deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks, who occupy the heights of the hill. Though you build your nest as high as the eagle's, from there I will bring you down," declares the LORD.' (Jeremiah 49:16)

It is this kind of pride that brought Lucifer and his angels down from heaven into hell. What a fall this was!

So we have seen a few of the common coverings that cause relationships to be incomplete. Although, these are some of the barriers towards having complete relationships, there is a bigger barrier that exists. A barrier that is bigger than us. This is the barrier of 'not knowing Christ as your personal LORD and saviour'.

For it is written, 'Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we share a meal together as friends.' (Revelation 3:20, NLT)

He wants to come into your life and help you let go of the coverings you struggle with. Whether it is baggage, fear, pride or insecurity, He has the remedy for it. When you allow Him into your life, He becomes your friend. A friend you cannot live without. A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24, NIV) for He loves at all times....(Proverbs 17:17, NIV). A poem that elaborates the above point goes like this:

'The Kindest Friend I've ever had

Is One I cannot see,

Yet One in whom I can confide,

Who loves and blesses me.' - Shuler

He is the best friend you will ever have.

Unless you surrender to Jesus Christ and accept Him as your LORD and personal saviour, you will never truly have the ability to drop all the coverings you have been using to cover yourself. If at this point of reading, you realise that you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I want you to make the best decision you could ever make in your life. Better than who you will decide to marry or the house you will live in. For He will guide you into all truth (John 16:13) and He will show you which path to take in all things (Proverbs 3:6) such as who to marry, which house to live in and more.

First and foremost, this relationship you will have with Jesus Christ is the most important relationship you can ever have; more important than the complete relationship He will empower you to have. Without this relationship, it will be virtually impossible to have a truly complete relationship. He will be able to get rid of all the coverings that have been hindering you from having complete relationships.

As I am about to share the revelation I received on that glorious day, you would need to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ in order to fully comprehend all that will be shared. Otherwise, the rest of this book will be meaningless to you. You may understand the concepts of what will be shared but you will struggle to apply them fully into your relationship for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose (Phillipians 2:13, NIV). Those who establish a relationship with Him gain a victory over those people, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). What a great benefit of having a personal relationship with Him!

Don't get me wrong, it will not be easy to have a complete relationship in general but it will surely be a lot harder without Him.

At this point, if you have not decided to establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I would suggest you read no further as the rest of this book will be meaningless to you. However, if you need to drop your baggage, let go of your fears and get rid of the pride; knowing that something needs to change before you can enjoy a complete relationship, then I strongly recommend making a decision to start a personal relationship with Jesus Christ today.

For He will make your baggage light (Matthew 11:30); the baggage you have been carrying around for years.

It is written, 'Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10, NLT)

Lloyd Ogilvie in Facing the future without fear discovers that there are 366 'Fear nots' in the Bible, one for every day of the year including a leap year. What an amazing God He is that He cares for you every day of the year. I want to help you have this amazing relationship with Jesus Christ by saying a prayer that I said some years ago when I gave my life to Christ. This prayer found me when I was lost in the world, carrying so much pride in my heart and more baggage than I could ever carry. Behaving as a victim to circumstances and always blaming others for my failures, I was never able to move forward in life or in relationships. After saying this same prayer, I started my relationship with Him and never looked back. I have experienced peace beyond understanding (Phillipians 4:7), a humble heart and the ability to love as Jesus Christ loves you and me (Romans 5:5).

If you want to experience the same relationship with Jesus Christ, it is very simple. Just say this prayer out loud from the bottom of your heart:

'Lord, I acknowledge that I am a sinner. For I have sinned against you. I ask You to forgive me and wash away all my sins.

Create in me a pure heart and a right spirit. Help me to let go of all my baggage, fears and pride in my heart

Lord, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son Of God. I believe that He died for me, rose on the 3rd day and will come back for me.

Give me the gift of eternal life. Come into my heart and be my Lord and personal Saviour.

Be my closest friend and pour your holy spirit upon me. Amen!'

If you said this prayer just now, I just want to congratulate you for making the best decision you will ever make in your entire life! I also want to welcome you to the family as we are children of God and co-heirs in Christ.

I recommend finding a local church that you can become a part of and get a personal Bible (if you do not have one already) so you can start to build your relationship with Him. I will now be sharing the revelation God blessed me with, in the next chapter. Thank you for coming on this journey with me thus far and hope this revelation will be a great blessing to you.

### 50% Vs 100%

In this chapter, I will be sharing with you the revelation that God pressed on my heart that day which lead to the creation of this book. I am grateful to you for your patience in coming along with me on this journey in laying this foundation. As I mentioned earlier on in the 1st chapter, it would have been the easiest thing for me to have just talked about what God shared with me and then concluded the book. However, I am certain that was not God's will. In fact, it has been prudent of me to lay this kind of foundation so as to make sense of it all. I thank the 'holy spirit' in leading me up to this point.

For those who have just established a personal relationship with Jesus Christ from the previous chapter, again I thank God for leading you onto Him and believe that the rest of this book will be a great blessing to you and your relationships. For those who are already in Christ, I hope this will also be a great blessing to you too.

At the beginning of this book, I discussed briefly about what God shared with me on that glorious day. With a gentle whisper, He spoke words that would change my life. He showed me something that opened my eyes. It put me in deep thought and made me realise some things about relationships today. He raised my attention to the standard of relationships at present and the standard to which He wished all people should enjoy. It made me think how God really values relationships as He is a 'relationship God' after all. He desires to have a relationship with us; a deep, intimate and intense relationship. We may fail our end of the bargain in the relationship but he is always faithful.

He shared His annoyance with me on the state of relationships today. The way there is so many marriage failures, breakups and broken homes. He is grieved every time He witnesses a divorce, or a break up or a broken home. For none of it was ever His intention. He delights in successful marriages, relationships and close knit families. He rejoices with men and women who love one another unconditionally.

God was telling me how there is a system that most relationships are functioning in that is flawed. The couples do not realise it but they are in a flawed relationship system. This leads to the relationship being incomplete and eventually becoming a broken one. He wishes that people would stop living this way but people are ignorant to the damage this is having on them. They think it is ok because that is what they have seen their parents do. They also see how media portray relationships and they think that is how it should be as well. However, most of those relationships portrayed in the media are flawed and end in divorce or separation.

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says, "....I tell you anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

In other words, apart from unfaithfulness, there is no reason God would approve of a union to end in divorce. This is because he has made all relationships complete. The problem is we are not living in the complete relationship he wants us to live because of ignorance and disobedience. For lack of knowledge, my people perish (Hosea 4:6). This is what God is trying to say. We are using the wrong system in our relationships and are using it without realising it. This has a dangerous impact on the relationship we are in and before we can do anything about it, it is too late. I pray that from this day forward, God will open your eyes to see the right system to use in your relationship. Amen!

God was also telling me of a perfect system he has intended for all people to use which has been abandoned and rejected. A system that is complete and whole. It is the very system that He intended for all men and women to have from the beginning of creation. Even from the union of Adam and Eve, He desires us to have complete relationships but as a result of disobedience which resulted in sin, we lost it. However, this is the time of resurrection God has intended for all relationships to experience as they will be revived by a complete system. Amen!

Throughout the night, I was going back and forth on these two systems in my head. I could not sleep as this revelation was thought provoking. I thought if only people were aware of this, there would be less marriage failures, less breakups and less broken homes.

Now let's look at these systems more intently so we can get an understanding of what God is saying. These two relationship systems are 50% and 100%. I bet you can guess which one is the flawed one? Let's look at this one first so we can understand why this has not served us well in our relationships.

50%

What is it?

God revealed to me that there is a system that most relationships have been built on for a very long time. Unfortunately, it has been a flawed system which has not yielded good fruit in relationships. This system is called 50%.

When we look at the significance of the figure 50%, we must define this mathematically to get a deeper understanding. Percent is a shortened form of the Latin word per centum which means for each 100. If we put 50 into this equation, we get 50 for each 100 which gives us a result of ½ (half) and this is significant of the nature of this system.

A lot of people are very familiar with this system as they refer to it as 50/50 in their relationships. Relationships produced from this system lack completeness and wholeness. The sad thing is that a lot of people are in this kind of relationship system and are aware of it but ignorant of the negative impact it has on them.

This is similar to the effect the 'law' had on the Israelites. Although, the 'law' showed us what sin was and what we should not do to sin, it rather made us more prone towards failing to keep our end of the bargain. We were unable to keep the 'commandments' because of what sin produced in us (Romans 7:7-9). In Romans 7, Paul writes how the intention of the law was good but the effects of this gave way for sin to take an opportunity to yield death through the law (Romans 7:10-11). He also goes further to admit how human beings are flawed in keeping the law. We intend to do good yet still fall short. Paul writes:

'I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desires to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? (Romans 7:15-24, NIV)

The apostle Paul gave a powerful illustration of the effects of the law on men and women. He demonstrated how something that was intended for good actually produced evil. This is the kind of negative effects the 50% system produces in a lot of relationships today. Although it has been adopted with good intent, it produces the negative behaviours from men and woman.

A 50/50 relationship attempts to bring forth fairness, equality, understanding and clarity just like the law did. Instead it exposes just how flawed we are as human beings. How unfaithful, unreliable and untrustworthy we are. It shows how we are unable to keep our side of the bargain. Just like the law, it came with good intent but it inevitably showcased how unfaithful and sinful we really are. We fail in keeping our promises and commitments. Our negative behaviours start to showcase in our relationships. Some of these being fault finding, pride, fear, baggage, insecurities and more.

How it looks like?

Can you remember the time when you 1st met your partner? You were so enthusiastic, excited and engaged with that person. You wanted to look your best for them. You thought about the ways you could make them happy. You would do anything for that person. You were in love. Well at least you thought you were. On your first date, you held the door for your partner; you paid the bill and this made you happy. You could talk to your partner for hours and hours giving them your undivided attention. You gladly cooked for him. You loved buying flowers for her. You wanted to know all about your partner. You promised your partner that you would treat them like a King or Queen. You even came up with ways you could make this happen. You were so passionate about your relationship and you wanted to do all you could to make it special. Both of you put all your efforts into making each other happy. Both of you were so happy because the other person was happy. Just like Adam and Eve, you were both 'naked' before one another with nothing to hide. This is where most relationships start and this is where couples give 100% (I will discuss more about 100% later on). Unfortunately, in the world we call this the 'Honey-moon period' or 'Grace Period'. We have gotten so used to the idea that this kind of relationship never lasts that it prophetically does not last. What a big shame!

So what happened to that relationship? Well the answer is very simple. We stopped giving of ourselves. We wanted to receive more from our partner. We started off very well, bringing our best to the table. Then we became complacent, focusing on the contribution and shortcomings of our partner. I am sure you can identify with this right now in your life. I am sure you might have spoken with your spouse at some point when things were becoming stale and realised both of you had become complacent. It is this very reason a man stops buying flowers for her wife or a woman stops cooking for her man. Then someone might say 'but we are in a 50/50 relationship?' and that is exactly the point. This is the problem.

A relationship goes from 100% to 50%. The time interval of this may vary from relationship to relationship but it happens and couples are content with this. It could be a year, a month or even a week before this happens. We are now slaves to our expectations of the other person. We go from 'How good of a partner can I be?' to 'How good of a partner is he/she?

In a typical 50/50 relationship, we see couples sharing duties, tasks, responsibilities, efforts and contributions. We say things like, 'I will do the ironing and you do the dishes' or 'you do the shopping because I am going to pick up the kids.' Now I am not saying that sharing tasks is bad. I really want you to get this point. As I mentioned earlier, this is a system embedded with good intent just like the law. However, this system found sinful and unfaithful people. Hence we fail in keeping our side of the bargain just as the Israelites failed in keeping theirs with the 'law'.

So instead of it bringing clarity, equality, fairness and understanding, it brings out the very effects the 'law' produced in the Israelites.

Furthermore, it incites men and women to focus on their partner's share or contribution. If we do not see their share, we become bitter and anxious. This causes us to think 'Why should I contribute, if he/she is not contributing?' or 'If they do not fulfil their end of the bargain, I will not fulfil mine.'

It becomes a 'give and take' system birthing selfishness, pride, greed, fault finding and wrong record keeping. It makes you focus your attention on what the other person has not done or needs to do. So it gets to a point when one starts logging a journal of all the wrongs our partner has done and the times he/she failed in keeping their end of the bargain. Before we realise, we feel justified in not being the best man or woman for our partner. We ask questions like:

•What will I get in return?

•What will you do for me?

•Why can you not do it?

•Why should I do it when.....?

•You always want me to do everything?

•It is your turn to do it?

•You should do it because I did that

It is not so much what is said but what these statements produce in us over time. We have seen from the above that this produces negative behaviours. It makes couples focus on what their partner should do or failed to do. It is centred on the expectations we have of our partner. We are bound to it. We end up as slaves to these expectations and demands and become utterly disappointed when we fail to see them.

Why is it flawed?

This causes us to withdraw ourselves from the relationship. The individuals also withdraw their share and contribution. So what was a 50/50 relationship has now become a 0/0 system where both parties are not doing what they should be doing because the other person's end of the bargain was not fulfilled. So it ends up getting smaller and smaller until it reaches 0/0 and at that point the marriage ends in divorce or the relationship is over. This is very sad!

An article published in the Daily Mail on 28th September 2012 further validated the above point on this flawed system. In this article, it explains how research showed that the divorce rate among those who shared chores equally was about 50% higher than among those where the woman did most of it. Co-author Thomas Hansen said, "You would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home but statistics show the opposite." He further added, "You can easily get into squabbles if both have the same roles and one has the feeling that the other is not 'pulling their weight.'" This sounds so much like our typical relationship in modern times! He goes on to explain how the deeper reasons for the higher divorce rate came from the values of "modern" couples rather than the chores they shared.

Sociologist Dr Frank Furedi also said "Chore-sharing tends to take place among professional couples, where divorce rates are high. Their more formal, 'contractual'-style attitude towards marriage can make for a fraught relationship." He also said, "The more you organise your relationship, the more you work out diaries and schedules, the more it becomes a business relationship than an intimate, loving spontaneous one. That tends to encourage a conflict of interest rather than finding harmonious resolutions. In a good relationship people simply don't know who does what and don't particularly care. Unless marriage is a relationship above anything else, then whenever there are tensions or contradictions things come to a head. You have less capacity to forgive and absorb the bad stuff."

It is no wonder why there has been such a meltdown in relationships and marriages today. People are less willing to give 100% of themselves without expectations and demands being placed on their partner. Do you now see how harmful such a system can have on a relationship? Unfortunately, most relationships in the world are operating like this. Most relationships are based on a 50% system. We see how a 100% relationship falls to 50% and eventually becomes 0%. Now you can see why this is a flawed system? Let's look at the 100% relationship system.

100%

What is it?

This is the system that God wishes more relationships would be like. It is the opposite of 50% as it involves the couple giving all of themselves. In order for us to gain further understanding of this system, let's look at the significance of 100%?

We defined earlier on what percent means. When we put 100 into this definition, we mathematically get 100 for each 100 which results in us getting a whole number of 1 (one) and means

•all in all

•Complete

The number one is significant in the Bible. God wants every man and woman to join together and become one (Genesis 2:24). This is His intention for all unions. Notice how God never said men and women should join and become two or ½. This would mean that two people would live as separate individuals in a relationship or there would be a relationship with individuals giving half of one another. God is a God of wholeness and one is the 1st whole number, so He expects all relationships to be whole.

There are reasons why 100 is also a significant figure. Abraham had Isaac at the age of 100 suggesting an age of fullness (Genesis 21:5). Also, Isaac sowed and reaped a hundredfold showing 100 to be a figure of increase (Genesis 26:12). These all hold valid for the system God desires for all mankind to have.

How it looks like?

In this kind of system, no one is a slave to their expectations of the other person. As a couple, both of you are complete and always thinking about how to be the best man or woman for your partner. It is not self centred but rather selfless. Everyone is focused on making the other person happy. This may seem unrealistic but most relationships start off this way. Look back at the illustration at the beginning of '50%' and you will understand what I mean. The only problem is one's innate selfishness and pride which emerges and takes over; drawing down less of the person in the relationship and placing more demands on the other person over time.

However, this is not a problem in a 100% system as there is no such thing as this. Just like we see from Adam and Eve, before they gained knowledge of good and evil, they were naked and open. Most importantly they were both adopting a 100% system. This was God's plan. Once this knowledge came along, they gained knowledge of evil which included selfishness, pride, insecurities and all the other negative behaviours produced from a 50% system. So whenever we witness a 100% relationship system, we say things like 'It will not last long', 'this is a 'grace period''. What we have forgotten is that Grace is not earned but given freely. Grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9). So that means when we are in the 50% system, we are prepared to be our best because we expect our partner to be at their best but in a 100% system, we are giving our best regardless of whether our partner is at their best. What a revelation!

So all the things we do for our partner is based on Grace and not on works! I hope you are getting this revelation. This is why it is a whole system and works in complete relationships where both people have both received this revelation and understand what it means to have grace in their lives.

How can I know what Grace is? How can I understand how to have a relationship system based on grace? This is simple. Remember in the previous chapter, I lead those who did not have a personal relationship with Christ to accept Him as their Lord and personal saviour. The reason for this was for you to understand that it is not possible to give grace if you have not received it. Grace comes from God, forgiving you from all your sins without repaying you for what you deserve (Psalm 103:10).

The benefits of having a personal relationship with God are many but I will elaborate on the most significant ones in relation to the 100% system. When someone has a true relationship with Christ, they understand what Grace is and how good God has been to them. Because they have received this grace, they are able to give it back to their partner. In addition, should they unite with another person who also has this revelation, they are able to share grace with one another. This is part of the reason why the 100% system is a whole one.

Secondly, as you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, He teaches you how to love (Romans 5:5). He makes it easy for you to do this through the spirit who leads you into all truth (John 16:13). How is this possible? For when you get to know him you get to know how to love but whoever does not love does not know God for God is love (1 John 4:8).

In other words, when you get to know God through your personal relationship with Him and fully comprehend the grace you received from Him, you learn how to love your spouse with less effort compared to when you did not have Christ in your life.

That is why the decision you made in the previous chapter was the best decision you could ever make. That is why it is virtually impossible to have a complete relationship in a 100% system without first having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

When we look at the two commandments Jesus Christ declared to the experts of the law, he made it so easy for us to understand what was important in relationships. Jesus Christ said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.....Love your neighbour as yourself......" (Matthew 22:37-39)

This is exactly what God intended. He wishes that you would love Him first so that He can help you love someone else. God could have said, 'Love your neighbour then Love the Lord your God.......' But this would not be possible as we are flawed human beings who do not know how to love. It is God who teaches us how to love, not man.

When we look at 1 Corinthians 13, it is a reflection of a 100% system that God wishes for us all to have. This is an instruction manual on how a complete man or woman loves their partner. It also shows God is love and how love comes from God. It reads:

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protect, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.......And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.' (1 Corinthians 4-13, NIV)

This is a powerful scripture of how love should be represented in relationships. It is no wonder why this is read at countless weddings around the world. This is because God wishes complete men and women would love more like this. The love that is expressed in this scripture is one of unconditional love. The Greek word for this is 'Agape' which is found throughout the 'new testament'. The same 'Agape' love Jesus addressed Peter with (John 21:15-17). The same 'Agape' love that caused God to give His only son to die for us on the cross so that our sins would be forgiven (John 3:16).

This is the kind of love that is required in a 100% system. Without this love and grace, it is impossible for people to truly enjoy a 100% system.

A relationship or marriage built on this system produces good fruits in the individuals. These fruits include love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). With these fruits, it is easy to see a relationship that is enjoying a 100% relationship system.

In the 50% system, we saw people always focusing on the other person and this was evident through the questions they would ask. These questions suggested selfishness, pride, discord and more.

However, it is the exact opposite in a 100% relationship system. The questions a couple would ask each other showcase love, kindness, selflessness, humility and meekness. Some of these questions are:

•What can I do for you?

•What do I need to do to make him or her happy?

•Why can I not do it for him or her?

•I will be able to do it

•What things can I do to make our marriage better?

•What are some of the things I should stop doing to keep him or her happy?

These are some of the questions that people ask themselves in this system as they are focused on being the best man or woman for their partner. They are humble in finding out what things will make the other person happy as it makes them happy to love with no expectations. This is a selfless act in a selfless system and is how God wants us to be in our relationships.

Can you see how if more couples were living in this system, there would be less breakups, less divorce and less broken homes? It is sad to see that this is not the case and it is my prayer that more relationships or marriages will enjoy the full fruit of having complete relationships in a 100% system.

I am convinced that you did not read this book by mistake. I am convinced that you did not read this revelation by accident. I believe that God is trying to speak to you through this book about how He wants you to live. I hope you will receive this revelation deep into your heart so that you and your partner will apply this into your relationship today. AMEN!

### Look In The Mirror

So now you have gone through a journey on complete relationships with an idea of how a complete man or woman looks like. For some people, you have made a decision to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. By now, you would have also had the chance to receive the revelation I received on that glorious day when God spoke to me about the two different relationship systems.

At this point, you might have mixed thoughts. For some of you, this may serve as confirmation for you which is great! For others, this may have been something new to you and you are now trying to fit all the pieces together in a puzzle God has given you. Through the leading of God's spirit, I want to help you piece the puzzle together.

Someone might be thinking of how to proceed in a relationship after receiving Christ. Another person might already be in a relationship and have realised some things ought to change in order to enjoy the 100% system.

Regardless of where you are and what you are experiencing in your life right now, I hope God will make things clearer for you and your partner.

However, if you are thinking of what to do next in your relationship, I strongly recommend looking at yourself first before anyone else. If you want to move forward, you need to evaluate yourself before you evaluate someone else.

First and foremost, you need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Check yourself out and examine where you are. Ask yourself, 'Am I the complete man or woman I ought to be?', 'Am I in a complete relationship?', 'Am I in a 50% or 100% relationship system?'

You might say, 'How do I know if I am.....?'

Here is a checklist of questions you need to ask yourself if you are not sure where you are. Above all, when you go through these questions, you need to be honest with yourself while you 'look in the mirror'

•Do I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

•Do I love God with all my being?

•Do I understand God's grace?

•Do I show God's grace towards others (family, friends, partner, etc....)?

•Do I love my partner with no limitations or expectations?

•What kind of questions go through my mind throughout the day? Are they self-seeking questions or selfless questions?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, then you are a complete man or woman enjoying a 100% relationship system. However, if most of your answers were no, then I strongly recommend starting over with Christ for only He can fill the gaps to the puzzle. These questions are in chronological order, so it is not possible to answer yes to the 5th question yet answer no to the 1st one. It starts and ends with God for He is the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. (Revelation 22:13, NIV)

So I recommend going back to your first love, establishing your personal relationship with Him, learning about His grace and mercy and sharing it with your loved ones. God will then teach you how to answer the rest of the questions once you have established your relationship with him.

Only after accomplishing the above, would I suggest looking at your partner and seeing where they are, for you must first take out the plank in your eye then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's eye (Matthew 7:5, NIV). However, if both of you go through this process of looking in the mirror, then there would be no need to look at each other.

So I dare you to do this practically and if you and your partner need to do it together, feel free to do that for two is better than one.

Again, I am deeply grateful for you coming along this journey and pray that you have been richly blessed by this book. As I mentioned in the beginning of this book, it would be of great satisfaction to know that a relationship was refreshed as a result of reading this book. It would give me great pleasure to learn that a marriage on the brink of divorce was restored through knowledge of this revelation.

May God bless you with the ability to enjoy complete relationships from this day forward. Amen!

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### About The Author

Bernie K Boateng was born in South London into a family of four children where he spent most of his childhood years struggling from a speech impairment disability. At the age of 12, he and the family moved to Ghana where he spent his teenage years. Having overcome the power of the speech impairment over his life, he was able to live a normal life and achieve academic excellence at school including graduating from University where most teachers predicted he would never attend.

Bernie is extremely passionate about reading and writing; skills that were non-existent from childhood. These are truly gifts from God and Bernie has been obedient to God in writing books since 2012. He intends to glorify Him in all his books and publications.

Further ebooks and publications to follow are the series on 'Complete Relationships' which are 'Complete Man' and 'Complete Woman.'

Also, please connect with Bernie online:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/bernie.boateng

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BernieBlessed

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/berniekboateng

Blog: http://blessedgenerationblog.com/

I would like to personally thank you for reaching the end of this book and appreciate you. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to leave an encouraging review on the book. Thank you for your support.
